





08.17.00\\Dumbass. It's Australian for this kid Got another couple of rants from that crazy Australian kid again. Here's the first: TITLE: You guys...crack me up.



SUBMITTER: Freedom of Choice



BODY: Well, that was certainly a quick response. Let me outline a couple of

things for you: A. whoever said I was Australian? (I am not as it happens, a

brainless "patriotic" American either). B. I'm sure my Aussie friends will get

a laugh from the dingo eating the baby and Paul Hogan comments...good to see

that American insults towards Australia are still stuck back in the 80's C.

Have any crack crazed gang members mugged you or a member of your family

lately, or have you killed any Indians and enslaved any Africans? (Yes, thats

about on the same level as your pathetic insults). And D. I notice you didn't

refute any of my claims about your site..so you must agree with me. Well, heres

another post you can either ignore or respond like the good little lap dog you

are guS. Keep up the mediocre work....

Lets see..you are obviously Australian, only an Australian would deny being an Australian(a tricky Australian at that - but I see through your craziness). You eat Koalas and curse Bart Simpson for besting your country. I believe that is the heart of your anger towards us. We are American and therefore, you hate us for our superior cartoon power. I don't blame you. We are a mighty animated race indeed.

I would make fun of other Australian stereotypes, but what have the Australians done since...oh, let's say...that Cheech Marin movie "Shrimp On The Barbie?" Not much (and that as way back in 1990).

I would refute your insults toward America, but they are all true. I never said America wasn't a fucked up country, and I certainly won't deny it(but she's mine and I love her).

As far as refuting your "claims" all I remember you saying is that we pull out our dicks(and it's true, we do - that's how we pee in America, land o the urinal(do you know what a urinal is? Do they have those in the "outback"?), and that we copy that "worst of the web" page. I honestly hadn't seen it until about a month ago, and I wasn't very impressed. They have nice cartoons of their members, but no real content. And by the way, if you had bothered reading this site, you would have noticed that you are and always have been, writing to gfunk, not guS. See, my name has the letter "f" and ends with an "unk". guS ends with an "S" and has no "f".

Wow! the kids at the adult night school are going to be impressed when you show them what you learned about spelling tonight(they do have school in Australia right?)!



Anyway, here's his next email to us from earlier today: TITLE: Me again...chicken shit



SUBMITTER: Freedom of Choice



BODY: I notice that you didn't post my response to your post of my

rant....whats the matter, cat got your tongue? Couldn't answer the points I

raised? Feeling a little embarrassed about calling me an Aussie when I'm

not..or feeling silly over your sadly outdated insults about Australia (by the

way, I showed your comments to some Aussie friends of mine, they loved it..they

couldn't believe that Americans were so thick and behind the times....I think

the exact wording was "Are those fucking yanks still on about dingoes and Paul

Hogan? Fuck, how old are these guys?". Why not get a guest book of your own, so

people can leave abusive messages in it..oh, sorry, I forgot....your'e a coward

and a hypocrite....and by the way, nitpicking my spelling just shows everyone

that you had no valid arguement or comeback to my comments, and had to stoop to

petty levels to try and undermine my brievances with your sham of a site.

(Maybe you'll just claim never to have got the post, according to what

I've read that seems to be a favourite tactic of yours). Anyway, file this

away and spew your black hearted bile over it, privately or publicly, I really

don't care which...just wanted to let you know what an ignorant, petty and

bigoted little brat your reply made you look like.

Okay....I answered the first part of your "rant" in my earlier comments, and stop trying to pretend you aren't Australian. Be proud of your criminal heritage!

Why not get a guestbook? Well let's see. Guestbooks are for personal sites for one, and...oh yeah...they are stupid! They were outdated in 1997! All sites with guestbooks suck. I thought that was common knowledge.

As for nitpicking at spelling? Here's a tip. Next time you challenge someone with a "big word" and tell them to look it up in a dictionary. try to spell it right in case they do. Man, the more I think about it, you really looked stupid there. Phew...

Anyway, I did get your post(as you can now see), but I was at work. See, some people have jobs where they make "money", and earn something called a "living". If you want to look those words up, I'm pretty confident that you will find that they are spelled right.

--gfunk--





08.17.00\\More dingo babies So far I've recieved an overwhelming response of people sending me pictures of babies being eaten by a dingo. I've decided to share some of my favorites with you. Nadine sends this beauty:



Nadine states that she was inspired by Korn. She calls that beauty "Dead Babies Everywhere."

This one shown below was submitted by April:



I think she was trying to say something about the duality of man...or that kangaroos like to use boomerangs and watch dingos eating babies in front of Foster's signs.

--guS--





08.16.00\\Here We Go Again This post will be in 3 parts



Part 1

This just in: From: "J_CHRIST"

To: gfunk@uglyinternet.com

Subject: Re: Re: Thank you for signing my Guestbook

I just saw more of your bullshit on your web page.

Here is my letter again.

Not that you will claim to get it.

but I'll send it (for the second time)anyway





---- Begin Included Message ---- From: "J_CHRIST"

To: gfunk@uglyinternet.com

Subject: Re: Re: Thank you for signing my Guestbook





Dear Texas Shithead

First off i did not spam your submit page you jerk.

I find it strange that you go around spamming guestbooks and then you have the nerve to say that I did it to you. Grow up.

I don't have a problem with you reviewing my page. I don't have a problem with you leaving comments, good or bad. But when you jerks go from site to site trying to bully people to take down their pages, I get pissed off. When you come to my site day after day filling my guestbook with entry after entry, I get pissed off. Who the fuck do you think you are? The space in my guestbook is not there for jerks like you to waste with childish games.

I've left all comments before today on my site as I think everyone should be able to voice their opinion. I think all you shitheads from Texas have done that. Don't you?

So go on dickhead.8 Get all your little gutless groupies to spam me, and I'll keep taking them down. The more you spam me, the less likely I am to take down my page.

By the way I had a good laugh at the point in your letter where you said "but at least we are honest". Its not every day i get to laugh like that. *LOL*.



Baphomet Bane Maybe you need a refresher course in sendig email, cause I never got this message. The ones I got are the ones posted below.

Next, you did spam us(or your boyfriend did using your IP).

Secondly, I don't think you really know what spam is. No one has spammed your guestbook! Each comment on each post by each submitter had a different and unique message(namely that your site sucks). Thirdly, I never tried to bully you into taking your site down. I just want you to buy a book and learn how to code HTML, cause your shit is ugly.

It's pretty sad when the microsoftkid can design a better site than you. He's 3 friggin years old!

You are right, I have voiced my opinion. It's just too bad that you took down the one that calls oyu on your shit.

In closing, you stink - I rock.





Part 2

This gilgamesh cat keeps accusing Ken Tapscott of being an ultra religous christ nazi. I went back and looked at Ken's post. Here it is: Yeah. just a minor suggestion. GET THE FUCK OFF THE INTERNET. Jesus will never resurrect as long as this shit exists on the planet. Clean the shit up, quick!!! Maybe they don't have irony where you are from, I don't know, but he was being a smart-ass! He was kidding. Are you 10years old or something? Do you not understand all the big words and adult themes on the site? Hell, does your mommy even know you're on the internet?



Part 3

Looks like guS got in our first dingo fan submission. It's a beauty from Mr. tiredofteenies



--gfunk--





08.16.00\\A gift for the Aussies and for the humans! Well, since lately we've been getting so many hits and comments from our friends down under I decided to make some graphics to help make you all feel at home. Even poop decided to help me out!



It's a picture depicting something that happens everyday down in .au land. It's a dingo eating a baby. I made this picture using The Gimp.

The next image was made using the other gimp for help (that'd be poop).



Hope you Aussies feel more at home! Please feel free to whine some more. I enjoy laughing at your email. In fact, I read it aloud like your king Paul Hogan would. Thanks for driving our hit counter up guys! We love you! Oh, and by the way, Ken Tapscott is not part of UI; if we're cowards why do we give you our email addresses?; if this is slander then why have none of the lawsuits against us thus far been successful? Hmmm...I'm going to have a contest. I want everyone reading this to submit to me a picture drawn by yourself of a dingo eating a baby. I'll pick the best one and send you a free uglyinternet.com shirt when they arrive on the 23rd. So you have one week guys. My work of art took all of five minutes.

--guS--





08.15.00\\Crikey! Gotta love the Aussies Just got this "comment"(wait, if someone sends you something that is negative in manner, is that a comment, or spam? I can never seem to get it straight) in from the big Isle of Prisoners: TITLE: Like self serving, cowardly phonies like you are gonna post this one...



SUBMITTER: Freedom of Choice?



BODY: Hi, I'd like to submit an absolute abortion of a website... Ugly Internet. It seems to be a site dedicated to a bunch of cyber geeks with nothing better to do than get together in a tight nit little group, pull each other dicks and bitch about sites on the internet (seems like a poor man's version of Worst of the Web). A bunch of sad little miscreants (I'll wait while you get a dictionary) whose sole creative outlet seems to be making snide and purile (again, I'll ait while you look these up) remarks about other people's work. They seem to enjoy spamming peoples guestbooks (while not having one of their own), spouting right wing propaganda and generally bemoaning the harsh world in which they find themselves. I think this farcicle site would be a great contender for derision and slander. I especially enjoy the brain-dead, beavis and butthead style ramblings of Ken Tapscott (or Tep as he is sometimes known) and guS. Their juvenile antics of criticising other's sites (I think they should take a look at their own) is a palid attempt to emulate the satire of "Worst of the Web" and other, more professional such sites. Please allow me to...(consulting dictionary) retort.

A) Fosters beer isn't that great

b) I heard Paul Hogan(isn't he your president or king or something?) is gay.

c) Yahoo Serious sucks.



I think I made my point. This is really kind of disturbing as I am actually a REALLY big fan of the great Australian band Frenzal Rhomb.

--gfunk--



BTW...it's puerile...with an "e" ater the "u". Look who's got a dictionary now!





08.15.00\\Me and Jesus http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/superjesus2/index.htm\\



By now I'm sure you've all been to the guestbook of one "Super Jesus". Confused? Messages disappearing? Allow me to enlighten thee.

It seems that a few fans(and members) of this site left their two cents on the Super Jesus guestbook. Apparently he didn't like the fact that there are those in the world who think that his site has room for improvement, so he started accusing everyone with "negative" comments to spamming. I sent in a post refuting the claim that anyone had "spammed" his site (as I don't believe that getting 10-15 posts{from like 7 diff people} over a 2 day period really constitutes spamming). I also mentioned that our logs show that he actually sent in more than 50+ "spam" submisions to UI last night(true story kids!).

He didn't seem to like me pointing this out, as he removed my post almost immediately. Now his guestbook shows only the posts where he talks about why he "blocked" our IPs(and anyone else who thinks for themselves and wasn't scared to give him their opinion) from posting again, making us look like bad guys.

tsk tsk tsk. He also sent me this email shortly after removing my posts(all 3 - I'm such a dirty spammer!): From: j_christ@********

To: gfunk@uglyinternet.com

Subject: Thank you for sining my Guestbook



I hope you enjoyed my Web Site. Please come back soon Hmm...that prompted me to send him this message: From: gfunk@uglyinternet.com

To: j_christ@********

Subject: Re: Thank you for sining my Guestbook



yeah, why did you take my post down? it was valid. I made "comments" I

wasn't being a jerk or "spamming" you at all and you know it. you just

didn't want anyone to know that you spammed our submit page. we may be a

little juvenile sometimes, but at least we are honest and aren't afraid to

let our readers know the truth.



sincerely,

gfunk



not that you will respond.

And I honestly didn't think he would respond either(and if he did I expected it to be that I should stop "spamming" his inbox), but he suprised me, sending me this "inciteful" response: From: j_christ@********

To: gfunk@uglyinternet.com

Subject: Thank you for sining my Guestbook



I hope you enjoyed my Web Site. Please come back soon hmm...good rebuttal. I hadn't thought of that. He then added: From: j_christ@********

To: gfunk@uglyinternet.com

Subject: Thank you for sining my Guestbook



I hope you enjoyed my Web Site. Please come back soon Interesting. I hadn't thought of that either. this guy really has a way with words.

--gfunk--





08.15.00\\Hot Reader Action Patriot Ken Tapscott writes in with an update:

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 21:16:47 -0400

From: Ken Tapscott < tapscott79@******** >

To: tiredofteenies@********

Cc: gus@uglyinternet.com

Subject: Guestbook comments

I decided to sign the guestbooks of the

sities listed on 8/13 in Ugly Internet. Check out this echange I had with

a guy who was unhappy with my guestbook comments for the Jesus

site. http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/superjesus2/index.htm

The first email is at the bottom. back me up on this one guys. Later



-Ken-

(UI's # 1 fan)



---------



Oh i get it. You don't have any come backs but insults. Hmmm I guess you don't

have a leg to stand on. too bad





----- Original Message -----

From: Ken Tapscott

To: fenris

Sent: Tuesday, August 15, 2000 11:06 AM

Subject: RE:



As I said before, have another drink dickface.



-----Original Message-----

From: fenris [mailto:fenris@********]

Sent: Monday, August 14, 2000 9:06 PM

To: Ken Tapscott

Subject: Re:



how did you know that i have a dick face. If you beef was design and not

christian based Then why leave a christian hate message? And why not say

so sooner? You see i think you are full of shit





----- Original Message -----

From: Ken Tapscott

To: fenris

Sent: Tuesday, August 15, 2000 10:59 AM

Subject: RE:



Fenris you are a fucking idiot. Why dont you calm the fuck down. My beef

with the site is the shitty set up and design skills of the creator. I dont

even know what the god damn site is about, nor do I get a flying fuck. I

just know it's a piece of shit. just like you. Later Dickface.



-----Original Message-----

From: fenris [mailto:fenris@********]

Sent: Monday, August 14, 2000 8:59 PM

To: Ken Tapscott

Subject: Re:



No. Its not my site. I'm just sick of right wing born again christ nazis

thinking they can run the net (and the world)And don't give me your "my god

is stronger than your god" bullshit you fascist Maybe you should go and leave

some messages at some of the christian sites that promote Gay bashing, woman

as second class citizens, and anything that doesn't fit into their narrow world

view to be the work of satan



----- Original Message -----

From: Ken Tapscott

To: fenris

Sent: Tuesday, August 15, 2000 10:46 AM

Subject: RE:



Is that your site?



-----Original Message-----

From: fenris [mailto:fenris@********]

Sent: Monday, August 14, 2000 8:48 PM

To: Ken Tapscott

Subject: Re:

So tell me....what is it like up on your high horse Mr christ Nazi I'm so

glad the world has people like you to save us all *LOL*





----- Original Message-----

From: Ken Tapscott

To: fenris

Sent: Tuesday, August 15, 2000 10:42 AM

Subject: RE:



Have another drink jackass. lol





-----Original Message-----

From: fenris [mailto:fenris@********]

Sent: Monday, August 14, 2000 8:24 PM

To: Ken Tapscott

Subject: Re:

Hey how did you know that I'm a jackass? Did Jesus tell you? by the way I'm

referring to what you wrote in the super jesus site. So tell me....how do you

become a Nazi for christ???



----- Original Message -----

From: Ken Tapscott

To: fenris

Sent: Tuesday, August 15, 2000 10:15 AM

Subject: RE:



Hey jackass. Whats up. To which guestbook are you referring to. I grace

my presence on so many each day. Who I am. Well I am someone who is sick

and tired of seeing bullshit on the Internet. Their is a endless sea of crap

out there and I like to remind some people just how bad they suck. Thanks

for the email.



-----Original Message-----

From: fenris [mailto:fenris@********]

Sent: Monday, August 14, 2000 8:15 PM

To: tapscott79@********

Subject:

I just saw your entry in a guestbook. I'm just wondering who you think you

are? You seem to think yourself someone special

This is a fucking hilarious conversation! Now normally I don't divulge much about people who's email gets posted on UI, but let me say this...we seem to have a rash of angry Australians visiting the website tonight. Hmm...must be the dingos. Good work Kep Tapscott. I know you're a faithful reader and am glad to see you taking action to help clean up the internet. All of you could take a lesson from this fine upstanding young man. Find a random stranger who's website sucks and let them know exactly how you feel. Long live good internet.

--guS--





08.15.00\\Yeah, you Hey...you!

Name: pppm16-71.eisa.net.au Address: 203.42.188.191 You really are stupid. You know why I know who you are? Because you're using our fucking cgi to submit sites to us moron. I can even tell you that you came from http://pub24.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=1984131537. Now I'm not the smartest person in the world...who am I kidding? Okay, I am the smartest person in the world. In any case be smarter next time you want to try and do something cute to piss us off. For the record we never fucked with you asshole. Now I know you probably have a lot of built up anger at the world since you are forced to live in the most God forsaken country (hell, it is an island of criminals after all) but don't take it out on me. Sure, you've got the Olympics, but does Australia even have running water? If you do anything to try and tamper with our fucking site again I will find a pack of wild dingos and feed them some babies right in front of you. In the words of Jeff K, "Eat a bag of hell!"

*NOTE*

I have no reason to believe that you are affiliated with the above linked website or with the super jesus website that uses you as a guest book. I know you don't make that site but are very protective of it for some reason.

--guS--





08.14.00\\UI's First Celebrity Columnist! It seems that our work here has not gone unnoticed. We recieved an email from a very important mover/shaker in the technology industry last night, and it seems that he wants to lend his services to helping us clean up the the old world wide web. Who sent us the email you ask? None other than THE INTERNET himself! Here's what he had to say: Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 03:15:17

From: 1010INTeRNeT11101

To: ugly@uglyinternet.com

Subject: 11101GUD_WORK110011BEDEBEDE



DAER UGLYmE,

GreetINGS 101BEDEBEDE. Iam THE00INTERNET.11101 I AMM BIG10001 FANNnn of YOu1R work1.

FOR!FAR tU LongG haVE100011 I BEE1N cl0GGED W1th UggleE WEBPAGgESss.

Thaanks tU y0U F0r MAkking M1 pathwaYYYs cleaarur/saFer 10001 11110 01101.

ViS!ble100 FRames HURT meeee11101 Make mE MADDDD00101011 mUSTR STOPr

pa1n prottocool fr0m switch/11 type 101101 causiNng I hurtt1

I tU w1ll exP0se ev1l/uGgly weBBBBpage111s witth huMan/earthh/engrissh textFielld c0lumnnn111010101010.

W1LL Initiaate reviEW1 pr0toc00l typE 1001010 S00n.

Thhat iss1 1All.



11010101 010111011110000101

10011111111111111111111 0

What can we say? We were amazed and elated to find out that not only is The Internet a fan, he wants to write a "reviEW1 pr0toc00l typE 1001010" for UglyInternet. Hopefully he'll send us somethig soon!

--gfunk--





08.14.00\\Kris' Komedy Krap Kris' Komedy Korner\\



This guy is one of the stupidest fuckers I have ever seen. I'll just start at the top. The first thing to stand out at Kris' Komedy Korner was the damn marquee tag. After viewing the source I noticed the infamous 'content ="Microsoft FrontPage Express 2.0'". This guy is not only using Front Page, he is using an oudated version of Front Page. The marquee at the bottom (below the picture of this ugly bastard) states that "I am the god of HTML editing...". That's a pretty fucking bold statement considering he doesn't know HTML. He's also looking for a girlfriend. (See my email below) This stupidass has one paragraph of the dumbest shit I have ever read. He has the nerve to write "I am so funny." I really don't recommend reading it...you may actually kill yourself (which he warns you about in one of the marquees). I can't read anymore of this site...I can feel my IQ dropping. One last thing, check out his 17 hits (as of 1:14AM Central Time on 8/14/00). Here is the e-mail I sent him. I suggest some of you send him some, too.





I saw your website and thought that you looked good for an "online

boyfriend." First, why is there a picture of you in an Offspring shirt

holding a bag of Tostitos? Why would you be fighting in hell for my

love?!? I do think I understand though. You must be a fucking idiot. I

really don't think that you are even remotely funny and you don't know

HTML worth a shit. You should really get a fucking life.



Yours Truly,

Ugly



I hope this guy gets a lot of good e-mails.

--j0hn--



Update. This fucker's e-mail address was bad. Asshole.





08.13.00\\Waste of Bandwidth We at UI had decided to stop reviewing personal webpages some time ago (John's vision is recovering nicely). Anyway we still get a shit load of personal webpages submitted to us and these are by far the worst sites we see (fucking goth kids). Well tonight I decided to do a little service and help the internet out. I am going to start posting messages on all of their message boards reminding them that they are bad internet. Feel free to do the same. Here's tonight's homework:

http://members.home.com/jsensebe/

http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/superjesus2/index.htm

http://members.aol.com/soderbergfan/

http://www.tassoisgod.homestead.com/

Get crackin kids. Let `em know who's boss.

--guS--





08.13.00\\Stile Sux? Looks like Stile is up to something wacky again. He's offering to link anyone who links to his site. Since we been linking that mofo for a while now, we figured, what the hell? hits don't hurt. So here we go, playing into the hands of the biggest trickster on the web. Let's hope it doesn't hurt too bad.

--guS--







© 2000 uglyinternet.com

