Romney goes out there and loses one for the Gipper

September 5, 2008 by lestro

by lestro

The Democrats had Dennis Kucinich, The Republicans had Mitt Romney.

During Romney’s speech this past week at the convention, the vanquished former governor of Massachusetts and passed-over veep short-lister who ran mainly on the strength of his hair made his pitch to give the Reagan-esque, convention-stealing, oh-shit-we-got-the-wrong-guy speech that Reagan gave in 1976, setting himself up as the 1980 standard-bearer.

But where Reagan inspired, Romney, crazy eyes blazing and Presidential Coif shaking the whole time, leaned waaaay right, threw everything he had against the wall and instead of coming off looking like the missed opportunity I am sure he hoped it would, he just sounded like a lunatic.

Every line of this thing is pure, crazy gold. Here’s the opener:

For decades, the Washington sun has been rising in the east – Washington has been looking to the eastern elites, to the editorial pages of the Times and the Post, and to the broadcasters from the coast. If America really wants change, it’s time to look for the sun in the west, cause it’s about to rise and shine from Arizona and Alaska!

huh? Then he just starts swinging at liberals, making no sense but obviously just trying to fire up the crowd and leave an impression.

Last week, the Democrats talked about change. But let me ask you – what do you think Washington is right now, liberal or conservative? Is a Supreme Court liberal or conservative that awards Guantanamo terrorists with constitution rights? It’s liberal!

Actually, protecting the rights laid out in the constitution is a conservative idea. So is the Court, by the way. He goes on:

Is government spending – excluding inflation – liberal or conservative if it doubles since 1980? It’s liberal!

Of course, 20 of those 28 years – including the largest government increases and expansion as well as the largest explosion of debt as well as slower economic growth – were with Republicans in the White House.

We need change all right – change from a liberal Washington to a conservative Washington! We have a prescription for every American who wants change in Washington – throw out the big government liberals and elect John McCain!

McCain’s been there the entire time.

Opportunity expands when there is excellence and choice in education, when taxes are lowered, when every citizen has affordable, portable health insurance, and when constitutional freedoms are preserved.

Even though I was opposed to the Supreme Court preserving freedoms just seven paragraphs ago!

Blah Blah Blah and then this:

It’s time for the party of big ideas, not the party of Big Brother!

Agreed. We should throw out the floundering, wiretapping, war-is-peace torturers while we still have the chance.

I love this part:

Our economy is under attack. China is acting like Adam Smith on steroids, buying oil from the world’s worst, and selling nuclear technology. Russia and the oil states are siphoning more than 500 billion dollars a year from us in what could become the greatest transfer of economic wealth in history. This is no time for timid, liberal empty gestures.

Did he just come out against the free market?

Our economy has slowed down this year and a lot of people are hurting. What happened? Mortgage money was handed out like candy, speculators bought homes for free – when this mortgage mania finally broke, it slammed the economy. And stratospheric gas prices made things even worse.

Thanks to Republican policies of deregulation and letting them police themselves.

Democrats want to use the slowdown as an excuse to do what their special interests are always begging for: higher taxes, bigger government and less trade with other nations. It’s the same path Europe took a few decades ago. It leads to moribund growth and double-digit unemployment.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t the Euro now worth about two bucks?

The right course is the one championed by Ronald Reagan 30 years ago, and by John McCain today. It is to rein in government spending and to lower taxes, for taking a weed whacker to excessive regulation and mandates, for putting a stop to tort windfalls, and to stand up to the tyrannosaurus appetite of government unions!

Um, that has failed every time we’ve tried it. No matter, he got to say “Ronald Reagan.” HEY! FEAR!

Did you hear any Democrats talk last week about the threat from radical, violent Jihad? Republicans believe that there is good and evil in the world. Ronald Reagan called-out the Evil Empire. George Bush labeled the terror-sponsor states the Axis of Evil.

Of course, North Korea got the bomb and Iran got even closer. Never mind that, CHRISTIAN FEAR!

And at Saddleback, after Barack Obama dodged and ducked every direct question, John McCain hit the nail on the head: radical violent Islam is evil, and he will defeat it!

He flamed on for a few more minutes before finally petering out with this:

To this we are all dedicated and I firmly believe, by the providence of the Almighty,

…and the angel Moroni and Joseph Smith and his magic gold plates…

that we will succeed.

Crazy. I love it. He knew he wasn’t in primetime, plus he knew that once people heard the stack of doublespeak and bullshit the candidates were going to lay out nobody would remember his pack of crap so he just went for it.

You gotta admire that.

And that hair. Great hair. Presidential hair.