Ankündigung FULL LIST of greeting card sentiments are listed below!!



All my cards are made with high quality paper and most cards are made with recycled or repurposed paper. All cards come with an envelope.



These cards are one of a kind, so I make the card at the time of purchase. This means the paper on the card you receive might vary some from the picture - all depending on what I have available. The sentiment of the card will stay the same.



I'm happy to personalize cards for that someone special in your life. i.e. "There is no one quiet like you, Lucy." If you'd like to add a persons name to the card just let me know in the Notes To The Seller section when checking out. If you have questions about this just shoot me a message.



* I'm happy to ship overseas. I've included a few countries that I ship to the most, however, I can ship anywhere. Message me for an estimate on shipping cost.



Hope you enjoy the cards!



Feel free to send me a message anytime for questions.



punchgreetingcards [!at] gmail.com

follow : @punchcards



~~~ CARD SENTIMENTS ARE LISTED BELOW ~~~



~ BEST SELLERS ~



My Favorite Things: My favorite thing is when we just...are. A simple moment. Quiet. Unassuming. And then you say something and suddenly the world looks different. Clearer. More beautiful. My second favorite thing is seeing you naked. It's a very close second.



All I Want: Baby, all I want for Valentine's Day is you. And a jetpack. New car, too. Cash would be good. Infinite power. The ability to beat up whomever I want. The ability to make someone's head explode if they type "lol." If a guy types "lol," the ability to make his balls explode. A talking dog. Robot babes galore. A bazooka. A dragon for a best friend. All of the dinosaurs to come back to life. All ghosts to be visible for a five minute period, once a day. The ability to walk up the side of a building upside down and be all like "aint no thang." The ability to barf on command. The ability to jump really high and shoot ninja stars.



Duel: I figure we have two options: we can either wish each other a happy Valentine's Day or we can finish this duel and murder each other.



Dynamite: I'm so glad we met. I can't wait to make a long series of horrible decisions together. Now pass me that dynamite.



Read My Mind: If you could read my mind you would know how special I think you are. You would know how much I love being with you. You would know that the world looks more alive and colorful because you're in it. Unfortunately, you would also know exactly how much I think about you naked. I'm so glad you can't read my mind.



Perfect: There is no one quite like you. There has never been anyone quite like you. There will never be anyone quite like you. You are perfect just the way you are.



Baby Thing: Congratulations! It's so awesome that he put his boy thing in your girl thing and it made a baby thing.



Favor Returned: Thank you for helping me through this tough time. I hope something really horrible happens to you so I can return the favor.



Bastard: Happy birthday, you bastard.



Once Upon A Time: Once Upon A Time there was a girl who loved a boy. And the boy loved the girl too. But love was not enough. Things got fucked up. I mean, really, really fucked up. The End.



The Things I Think About: The things I think about when you're talking are so interesting.





~ FRIENDSHIP CARDS ~



The Things I Think About: The things I think about when you're talking are so interesting.



Styrofoam Murder: After microwaving a hot pocket on a Styrofoam plate I found out Styrofoam disintegrates in microwaves. Wtf, you know? But here’s the thing: it only disintegrates if it's directly under the hot pocket. (I don't normally use Styrofoam so don’t judge me. I do normally eat hot pockets, however, so you should judge me on that one). But anyhoo, here’s my CSI idea: basically a murderer could kill someone with a Styrofoam knife, put the Styrofoam knife in a microwave directly under a hot pocket and BAM! Murder weapon G.O.N.E. Fucking brilliant, right???



Congrats: Congratulations!!! Sooooo, I face planted into a bar stool last night & woke up in a filthy hotel room barfing on the dick of some random chink whom I've never ever ever seen before. Anyhoo, many wishes for YOUR continued success...



Octopus On Fire: If I had to guess I'd say people describe me as someone who "acts like an octopus on fire who was molested by an uncle." People don't say that about you. People talk about your beauty, inside and out, and your amazing ability to see the best in people and some other shit.



Lance & Steven: I like to think of myself as a cross between Lance and Steven. You don't know them, but trust me. It's accurate.



Once Upon A Time: Once Upon A Time there was a girl who loved a boy. And the boy loved the girl too. But love was not enough. Things got fucked up. I mean, really, really fucked up. The End.



~ THANK YOU CARDS ~



Favor Returned: Thank you for helping me through this tough time. I hope something really horrible happens to you so I can return the favor.



~ BIRTHDAY CARDS ~

Bastard: Happy birthday, you bastard.



The Gift of Herpes: I used to party with this Mexican prostitute who would give 16-year-old virgins a deal on their birthday. It was super nice of her; those boys walked away having had an experience they would never forget. But they also walked away with genital herpes. And that’s when I realized – some gifts contain herpes. Anyway, happy birthday! I can’t wait for you to see what I got you!!



Birthday Hag: I’d like you to take a look at my genitalia. Tell me if the bumps are normal genitalia bumps (please tell me there is such a thing) or if it looks like, gasp, an alien had sex with my body and impregnated me with a zillion pimple babies. Don’t be afraid of the pus, they’ve been doing that all day. Oh! And where are my manners?!?! Happy birthday, you old hag!



Pretty: Don't I look pretty for your birthday?



IOU: Happy Birthday! This card entitles you to one kinky, sexual experience. The one you get to watch. Me have. With your family. Oh, just put in the DVD and press play.



3, 2, 1: Happy birthday to the man I love with all my heart. The man who is an amazing husband and father. The man who makes my heart skip a beat. The man who is going to watch me take my clothes off in 3, 2, 1...



~ BABY CARDS ~



Next Level: Let's stop having fun and start having kids.



Baby Thing: Congratulations! It's so awesome that he put his boy thing in your girl thing and it made a baby thing.



Perfect: There is no one quite like you. There has never been anyone quite like you. There will never be anyone quite like you. You are perfect just the way you are.



~ WEDDING/ENGAGMENT CARDS ~



Beautiful Bride: You're going to be the most beautiful bride, goddamn you.



Finding Love: It kills me to say this but congratulations on finding love.



Wise Words: May your marriage bring you warmth from the cold, shelter from the rain, and all the beauty the world has to offer. May you also be naked more than you are clothed.





MOTHERS/FATHERS DAY



Favorite: Happy Mother's Day! I know I'm your favorite child. Your secret is safe with me.



Poop: I feel so close to you when I think about how you used to clean poop off my butt.



To My Wife: Happy Mother’s Day to my wife. I’m so glad I put my boy thing in your girl thing and it made a baby thing.



Best Mom (or dad): You're the best mom a girl could ask for. You did a way better job than dad.



Cocaine: I’m not saying you did cocaine when you were pregnant with me. I’m just saying, “Did you do cocaine when you were pregnant with me”?? I need answers, woman!



Husband (or wife): Happy Mother's Day to the man who is my partner in everything…especially in fucking up the lives of our really cute kids.



Rousing: Happy Mother's Day! May I suggest a rousing day of church, brunch, and showing you how to use your remote control?



Undressing You: Happy mother’s day to the woman I love with all my heart. The woman who is an amazing mother to our children. The woman who takes my breath away. The woman I can’t imagine my life without. The woman I’m currently undressing with my eyes. Oh, heyyy there, hottie.



Alcoholism: Thank you for keeping your alcoholism (barely) in check all these years.



Crap: Of all your accomplishments you’re the most amazing at putting up with all my crap.



The Places I’ve Been: I feel so close to you when I think about how I once passed through your labia lips. Happy Mother's Day!





~ LOVE/RELATIONSHIPS/VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS ~



My Favorite Things: My favorite thing is when we just...are. A simple moment. Quiet. Unassuming. And then you say something and suddenly the world looks different. Clearer. More beautiful. My second favorite thing is seeing you naked. It's a very close second.



Read My Mind: If you could read my mind you would know how special I think you are. You would know how much I love being with you. You would know that the world looks more alive and colorful because you're in it. Unfortunately, you would also know exactly how much I think about you naked. I'm so glad you can't read my mind.



Perfect: There is no one quite like you. There has never been anyone quite like you. There will never be anyone quite like you. You are perfect just the way you are.



Easiest Thing: Loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done.



Kiss Me Already: Put down the card and kiss me already.



Every Bit: Every bit of me loves every bit of you.



Every Second: I love You. Every second of every single day.



Grow Old With me: I want every line in your face to be because I made you laugh. I want to make your heart swell with love like mine does for you. I want to give you the security of knowing there is always someone on your side. Grow old with me?



Face: I love your face.



Most Beautiful: Of all the things I've seen in this world, you are the most beautiful.



Adventure: We love because it's the only true adventure. That and anal.



Stick It In: All I really want for Valentine's Day is for you to let me stick it in your pooper.



Thinking About Having Sex With You: If my eyes glaze over while you're talking just know I'm thinking about having sex with you.



Kinky: Do you remember last week when I said, "we should totally try some kinky stuff"? And you said, "umm, yeah. I guess." Well, I just wanted to clarify; I wasn't talking about pink, furry handcuffs. I was talking about taking a poop on your boobs. Don't say anything now. I want you to think about it. Really, really think about it.



IOU: This card entitles you to one kinky, sexual experience. The one you get to watch. Me have. With your family. Oh, just put in the DVD and press play.



Safe Word: I want this birthday to be extra special. That's why I plan on ditching our safe word.



Dynamite: I'm so glad we met. I can't wait to make a long series of horrible decisions together. Now pass me that dynamite.



Chub: Woman, you give me a hard core chub.



Impregnate You: You make me want to get you naked and impregnate you.



Icing: Start with cuddling. The middle part should include weird sex stuff. It should end with me spread eagle eating icing out of a can.



You Have Me: I love you with all of my heart and with all of my penis.



Orgasms: Ooh ooh ooh I have an idea! Let's do that thing where we give each other orgasms! Then let's do that thing where we lay in bed telling jokes and giggling so hard I laugh your cum out of me.



You Make Me Feel Funny: You make my naughty parts feel funny.



Docking: 's the thing where you put your dick inside my dick? Yea! THAT! Let's do that.



My Favorite Place: My favorite place in the whole entire world is the place where our noses meet.



Duel: I figure we have two options: we can either wish each other a happy Valentine's Day or we can finish this duel and murder each other.

All I Want: Baby, all I want for Valentine's Day is you. And a jetpack. New car, too. Cash would be good. Infinite power. The ability to beat up whomever I want. The ability to make someone's head explode if they type "lol." If a guy types "lol," the ability to make his balls explode. A talking dog. Robot babes galore. A bazooka. A dragon for a best friend. All of the dinosaurs to come back to life. All ghosts to be visible for a five minute period, once a day. The ability to walk up the side of a building upside down and be all like "aint no thang." The ability to barf on command. The ability to jump really high and shoot ninja stars.



Marry You Hard: If this damn country would let me marry you, I so would. I'd marry you so hard.



Surprise Love: You deserve the best! That's why I'm going to put on that Mexican wrestling mask and "surprise" you in the alley behind our apartment tonight. Wear pigtails, ok? Oh, and if you're smart you'll lube up your backside.



Naughty Things: I wanna do naughty things with you.



Somewhere Beautiful: Let's take a train to Holland and bike the countryside. In San Francisco I want to drink whiskey with you and listen to homeless drunks tell jokes. I want to show you a tree I love; we can buy a blanket, lie underneath its branches, giggle and undress each other. Go camping in Yosemite with me? Take me to Prince Edward Island. I want to hold your hand there. Go somewhere beautiful with me?



3, 2, 1: Happy Valentine's Day to the man I love with all my heart. The man who is an amazing husband and father. The man who makes my heart skip a beat. The man who is going to watch me take my clothes off in 3, 2, 1...



Epic Blow Job: Happy Valentine's Day to my amazing husband. A man I adore with all of my heart. A man I can't imagine my life without. A man who is about to receive an epic blow job. Yep, you read that right.



Favorite Husband: You're my favorite husband.



Hot: You're so hot.



Partners: Happy Valentine's Day to the man who is my partner in everything...especially in screwing up the lives of our really cute kids.



Thank You: Thank you for having sex with me. (Please don't stop)



Falling: I'm falling for you.



Silly Holiday: I know Valentine's Day is just a silly holiday created to boost greeting card sales, but so help me Jesus, you better have bought me some good shit.