Remainer stubs toe due to Brexit

A supporter of the Remain campaign has laid the blame for stubbing his toe squarely at the feet of Brexit.

“I was just walking along, minding my own business, thinking of the inevitable financial and social Armageddon that has been set in motion due to the vote to leave the EU,” said Simon Williams, a craft beer wrangler who hails from, inevitably, Shoreditch.

“Due to my artisan spectacles, I hadn’t noticed that the pavement was cracked and broken, I can only assume it was in this state due to a lack of EU funding as a result of Brexit.”

Mr Williams swung his foot into an upturned piece of broken pavement resulting in a blackened toenail and painful bruising of the big toe.

“This is the problem with referendums; you turn crucial decisions over to people who don’t agree with me, and so must be racists, bigots, and idiots, they vote for something they don’t understand, and I end up with a bruised toe.

“Frankly they should all be ashamed.”

When suggested that the cracked pavement had always been there, and at some point, he’d have stubbed his toe regardless of the outcome of the referendum, Mr Williams remained bullish.

“No, that’s balls. It was definitely Brexit.”