Dear tourists, welcome to Wichita.

First, we’ve been told by government officials that you’re here to watch basketball, but we have come to learn there is a very high risk that during your stay you will eat all of our cheeseburgers. This is very concerning to us as a community, so on behalf of the entire city, I’d like to formally request that you limit your cheeseburger intake to no more than one cheeseburger per person per day.

In exchange for your cooperation in this matter, we will happily make available an unlimited supply of local pizza and chicken fingers with ranch dressing. If we run out of any of these items, please direct your angry Tweets to famous Wichitan (and hater of the great Olympic sport, Curling) Kirstie Alley.

We hope you enjoy your stay here, but we also realize that NCAA basketball is an emotional roller coaster, and half of you are likely to leave Wichita really upset with a referee, a coach, a last second shot, or that kid with the man bun. For those of you who end your season in Wichita, I might suggest a locally brewed beer to celebrate a solid year.

Now, I’m sure you're curious about our city, so here are the eight things you need to know about visiting Wichita.