With Roberto Martínez on his way to cross-platform digital branding pioneers Everton, Wigan Athletic are after a new manager. A few years ago, the usual managerial merry-go-round suspects would be rounded up: David O'Leary, Stuart Pearce, Peter Reid, Bryan Robson. But clubs these days have seen sense, and are thinking outside the box. Hence Wigan's interest in René Meulensteen, freshly cashiered into the big wide world by Manchester United. Should the former Old Trafford head coach turn down the opportunity, Wigan will turn to Owen Coyle, Paul Jewell or Stuart P … actually they're falling into the same old trap, aren't they?

Steve Bruce is another man whose name kept getting dredged up by jaded hacks looking to file their stories in time to grab a can of gin for the last train home. But he's got a job now, and while that didn't necessarily stop him in the past, his wanderin' days are over. Looking to establish Hull City as a Premier League force, or at least keep the Tigers in it, Bruce is desirous of offering Shay Given a contract. If that plan doesn't come to fruition, he'll be going after David Stockdale of Fulham or Leicester's Kasper Schmeichel.

Hull are also interested in trigger-finger SatNav operator Peter Odemwingie, who is currently metal to the floor on the M6 with a view to joining the M42 for 15 miles before turning off onto the A42, M1, M18 and M62, where he'll pick up signs for the East Riding. But Crystal Palace too have made enquiries about the wantaway West Bromwich Albion striker, who has just performed a handbrake turn across the central reservation, his plan being to leave the southbound M6 at junction 7 and follow the M1 signs for London.

Odemwingie had better get a wriggle on, because Palace also fancy Real Madrid striker Javier Acuña. Blackpool's Tom Ince is also on Ian Holloway's radar, as is David 'Richard III' Bentley, who is just lying there, waiting to be rediscovered. Tottenham, it says here. No, us neither.

Arsenal will look to shore things up at the back by signing Martin Skrtel from Liverpool, who are looking to shore things up at the back by selling Martin Skrtel to Arsenal. There's even more bad news for Gunners fans who dislike witnessing balls whistle into their own net: André Santos is coming back.

And finally: Manchester City and Real Madrid will do battle for Sevilla winger Jesús Navas, West Ham want Bordeaux defender Ludovic Sané, and Stoke City are going to give Mark Hughes another chance. Peter Reid and Bryan Robson are available, you know, it doesn't have to come to this.