ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

It’s becoming increasingly more like, according to the Australian Electoral Commission, that former One Nation senator Malcolm Roberts is going to win a Queensland senate seat at this year’s election.

That news is not music to mining magnate Clive Palmer’s ears, after the colourful billionaire spent a rumoured $60m in a bid to get relected to Parliament himself.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning via telephone, Mr Palmer said he couldn’t believe that Queenslanders voted for a ‘known lizard person’ instead of him.

“Malcolm Roberts is a lizard person and now he’s a senator,” said Palmer.

“Errol, I just can’t understand it. There’s not a drop of yellow ink left in the country! I think the world is round, I believe in climate change. Malcolm Robots [sic] doesn’t even believe the science behind a microwave oven!”

“I mean, God fucking damn it, man! Do you know much $60m is? It’s enough to buy Malcolm’s house in Sydney. I could’ve bought that house and desecrated it with IKEA furniture and bin end Chardonnay. That would’ve been way more classic. Oh well. Fuck my life, Errol.”

When asked what he planned to do now, Palmer said he’d have to think about it.

“Maybe I’ll start my own news network?”

More to come.

