Dear Nintendo,

I am an obsessive Donkey Kong fan. . .unhealthily so. I am nearly as obsessive a fan of the Smash Bros. series, headed by Masahiro "Hard-Working Genius" Sakurai. However, over the past fourteen months since Super Smash Bros. for 3DS/Wii U has been announced, absolutely no new content has been announced related to the Donkey Kong series, only its two veterans and one thirteen-year-old stage.

Will more content be announced? Yeah, sure, we'll probably see a token new Wii U stage and maybe, just maybe, the second-most-requested newcomer option from the series as a partial clone. But is this really the sort of treatment your beloved oldest and fourth-largest character-driven series should receive in the company's biggest celebratory cross-over game? HECK NO!

Thankfully, there exists a laughably easy solution to this rather egregious oversight, one that should be all too obvious to anyone who cried over the minimal Kid Icarus content in Brawl and is adoring the virtual truckload of it now: convince Masahiro Sakurai to develop Donkey Kong Super Star Uprising Air Ride Adventure!! You see, only if this hard-working genius develops a Donkey Kong series game before working on a Smash title can he brainstorm up a significant amount of series content to include. . .there's absolutely, unequivocally no other way the inclusion of such content could be possible.

Please, observe:

--Smash Bros. content, after Sakurai developing Kid Icarus Uprising instead of Donkey Kong Super Star Uprising Air Ride Adventure.

--Smash Bros. content, after Sakurai developing Donkey Kong Super Star Uprising Air Ride Adventure instead of Kid Icarus Uprising.

Rather than having him be delegated to punching bag status in a single-digit number of images on smashbros.com, us Donkey Kong fans would like our big ape to be featured in countless daily screenshots, as well as alongside Mario and Link on both boxarts.

Rather than seeing a single Barrel Cannon or two in Smash Run, us Donkey Kong fans would like to see multiple menu designs and game modes taken from our series.

Rather than getting just the big ape's trademark roll four games in, us Donkey Kong fans would like to see DK's special moves get completely revamped, along with K. Rool getting twelve unique special moves and Dixie Kong being the go-to choice for a last-minute semi-clone character.

Rather than hear the Smash Bros. fanbase scream about how we're "so entitled," how "Donkey Kong is fine with DK and Diddy," and how "Donkey Kong is an overrated platformer with no good content to offer," us Donkey Kong fans would like to hear the fanbase scream "Sakurai can add however much Donkey Kong content he wants, it's his game," "Donkey Kong is sooo amazing, it deserves everything it gets" and "Stop whining about Sakurai's Donkey Kong bias, you disgusting piece of hellspawn!"

Please understand our pleas, Nintendo.

And now, to the Donkey Kong fans reading. . .what do you say? Do you want Masahiro Sakurai to "think about Smash while developing Donkey Kong" and consequently pump Smash full of Donkey Kong content? Or do you want Donkey Kong to figuratively and literally wither on the vine?

SUPPORT DONKEY KONG SUPER STAR UPRISING AIR RIDE ADVENTURE TODAY!!