Michael Moore declared capitalism a crime (again) tonight, citing as evidence a Bloomberg article about how the evil banks are (gasp!) making money on bonds issued to the City of Detroit.

Of course, we’re sure that Mr. Moore includes himself among the guilty, seeing as he’s done so well under such an oppressive system. He must understand that his high-flying life as a successful “documentary” filmmaker is built on the back of millions of enslaved proletarians. As an “enlightened” member of the bourgeois elite, surely this man is willing to atone for his sins and abuses.

We know that, deep in his heart, Mr. Moore really craves an anonymous, meager existence in a Socialist utopia. To prove this noble aim, we have no doubt that he will altruistically give up his lavish lifestyle and pay his debt to the workers — in jail.

Also, we expect that pigs will soon learn to fly.