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Hey! Tiger Woods won the Masters. It’s a big deal, and people are extremely fired up about it. The win marked Woods’ 15th major and his first in 11 years, before personal scandal and injury threatened to derail his career.

Woods’ win represented the perfect confluence of famous guy and massive event and slow sports day, and it captured the imaginations of celebrities like Steph Curry, Aaron Rodgers, Serena Williams, and even Mr. Happy Gilmore himself, Adam Sandler.

Jack Nicklaus, who holds the all-time record with 18 career major wins, said Tiger has him “shaking in (his) boots.” Woods dedicated the performance to his kids, and hugged his son afterward in almost the exact same spot where he hugged his dad after his first ever Masters win back in 1997. The win was many things — inspiring to advertisers and gum-chewers alike, and undoubtedly a brilliant display of golf — but not expressly take-able, as far as this author is concerned.

Except, wait! Did you know that Masters winners do not get new green jackets every time they win the event? I had no idea, and I am aghast. Outraged, even. We all assume this is Tiger’s fifth green jacket because we surmise that a place so chock full of old-money wealth as Augusta National would have the decency to outfit dudes with new jackets every time they win the club’s signature event.

But when Woods seemed happy and a little surprised on Sunday to find that the jacket still fits, we learned the terrifying truth: That’s the same darn jacket they gave him in 1997. This man just put your golf club in the center of the entire sporting world’s spotlight in a way that its long history of racism, classism and sexism never did, and you’re rewarding him with a sportcoat old enough to buy booze. Are you serious right now? That’s Tiger Woods, son. Get this man something with a more contemporary fit, for cryin’ out loud.

Probably no single venue in sports inspires as much blind devotion as Augusta National, and I can’t wait for its defenders to come at me with talk about how its refusal to distribute new jackets is some storied tradition. Oh, bring it on, you stooges. Tiger Woods should be able to outfit his whole family in green jackets and parade through the streets in triumph, but the “rules” instead state that he can only keep this one green jacket at his home for a year, then he has to return it to Augusta and can only wear it when he’s on the grounds.

And maybe you’re saying; Wait, it’s kind of cool that guys who win the Masters get to wear that green jacket whenever they’re at Augusta, so you want to make sure jackets are available to them whenever they may show up years later. But I’ve got a radical solution: Make two green jackets for every winner. Crazy, I know. But that way you can keep one for him in your stodgy old-money golf club that didn’t have a single African-American member until 1991 an only started giving memberships to women seven years ago, and another for him to take home and keep. How much could green blazers possibly cost that Augusta National can only afford one per winner? Here’s a helpful tip: Just wait until they go on clearance after St. Patrick’s Day.

True story: Last year, I saw someone on Twitter call Woods’ comeback “the greatest ever,” and I reacted to a statement I believed hyperbolic by pointing out that Mario Lemieux once got diagnosed with cancer mid-season, missed two months, returned to the ice the same day as his final radiation treatment and still won the NHL scoring title.

People got so, so mad about it, and accused me of being a racist hockey fan. I still don’t think Woods’ comeback, even now, should count as the greatest ever, and I think we throw around phrases like “greatest ever” so often that we strip them of their meaning.

But there’s really no room for nuance on the sports internet when it comes to a guy as famous and beloved as Tiger Woods doing something as monumental as winning a Masters, and I know that nitpicking over the concept of “greatest comeback ever” would only get misconstrued as me raining on the guy’s parade. The immediate wake of such a win, I’ve learned, is for celebrating it unequivocally, not bothering people with details about Muhammad Ali or Monica Seles.

The weekend’s big winner: Caron Butler

Caron Butler played 14 seasons in the NBA before transitioning into a broadcasting career. He made two All-Star teams, won a championship with the Mavs in 2011, and wrote an autobiography that Mark Wahlberg plans to turn into a biopic. But one thing no one ever knew Butler to do before a Saturday night TV appearance was have hair. Butler shared hilarious video of his kids reacting in shock to the sudden and stunning end of his baldness.

Quick hits: Thrones, Holes-in-one, Chris Davis

– Game of Thrones made its long awaited return on Sunday night and Nate Scott has your recap. I found the episode a little disappointing, but perhaps largely because I got a true dud of a performance from my first round Game of Thrones fantasy pick. It mostly felt like they’re setting up cooler stuff to come, but it also felt like they could’ve set it all up in half the time and got on to the cooler stuff sooner.

– Other guys besides Tiger Woods played in the Masters, and two of them sunk holes-in-one on the legendary 16th hole. I have no idea if the 16th hole at Augusta is actually legendary, but golf fans talk about the place in such breathless tones that I assume every blade of grass there is the subject of some legend or another. I was going to make a joke about the legendary Augusta National bathrooms but apparently people really do hold the Augusta National bathrooms in ridiculously high esteem.

– The Orioles’ Chris Davis finally broke his hitless streak in a 3-for-5 effort on Saturday. Three hits in one game after going 54 at-bats without any! Baseball’s wild.