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Without exception, they agree that the system is beyond broken.

But like most journalists, while I can write about the problems ad nauseam, I’ve no advice to offer, no suggestions how to make things better, no wisdom to impart.

But some people do.

What follows is from a father who survived a high-conflict protracted divorce and ended up with joint custody of his children and as the “spouse in the house,” as the jargon has it.

Do nothing that makes it worse for your kids and you can know them and love them as adults, at their choosing.

First, he says, he understands “more than most” that the system is unfair to men.

“But in many cases, it is the actions of some men that have skewed the collective thinking of lawyers and jurists in Canada and without political will to address the problems, an issue so charged that it makes pension reform seem minor, men must be told how to deal with the system as it is.”

This man changed careers so as to have a stable paycheque. He wanted, more than anything else, “to find ways to limit the damage on my kids. That was and is my overriding goal.”

That leads him to the first rule: Remember that family law is temporary. “You must always act in a way that keeps in focus your children will be adults soon and this conflict will pass, even if it seems desperate.

“Do nothing that makes it worse for your kids and you can know them and love them as adults, at their choosing, even if you couldn’t get everything you wanted when they were kids.”

If it’s true that family court is akin to a game, or war, a hockey fight, he says, “So what?

“Wars aren’t fair. It means men must stop believing the system cares about them beyond following the rules, the law …