Given that drunken sexual activity, whether straight or same-sex, can involve higher risks and lower rewards than sober encounters, one might be tempted to dismiss young people as reckless or senseless for engaging in it. But my work as a psychologist has taught me that adolescents always have reasons for making choices that seem to be against their own self-interest. Taking these reasons seriously opens up conversations that may help our adolescents look after themselves and their partners down the line.

So why do young people mix sex and alcohol?

Teens Drink Because They’re Nervous About Intimacy

Teenagers may view all anxiety as problematic and drink to blunt the jitters that are a natural part of a budding romantic life. Unfortunately, anxiety, like stress, has gotten a bad rap. Nerves can get out of control, but feeling occasionally anxious is a normal and healthy part of life. And what could be more normal than feeling awkward about physical intimacy, especially when it is new and unfamiliar?

We do right by young people when we acknowledge that apprehension is to be expected in the early days of physical romance or when being intimate with a new person. As the psychologist Richard Weissbourd, the faculty director of Harvard University’s Making Caring Common Project, explains, the first forays into sexual activity are bound to be anxiety-provoking because that they are often “overloaded with expectations as well as worries about performance.”

It helps to remind teenagers that their nerves are not only normal, but designed to keep them safe. “When it comes to your love life,” we might say, “having butterflies can be part of the fun. But if you find yourself in a situation that makes you really nervous, pay attention to that warning signal. The last thing you should do is start drinking to relax.”

They Think Everybody Else Is Having Drunken Hookups

The popular media has done its part to suggest that drunken one-night stands have replaced courtship and romance among young people. According to Ms. Orenstein, “This is the script that gets handed down: You’re supposed to get super wasted and have sex with somebody.” When teenagers believe they should be making out with virtual strangers, “the only way to do that,” notes Ms. Orenstein, is to drink “to numb their anxiety and embarrassment about it.”