WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Americans who feared that Barack Obama would come for their guns are happy that Donald Trump is coming for their health care, a new report finds.

In interviews conducted across the country, people expressed satisfaction that, by taking away their ability to see a doctor rather than their ability to shoot people, the federal government “finally has its priorities straight.”

“I couldn’t get a night’s sleep, worrying about Obama taking away my guns,” Carol Foyler, a gun owner from Kentucky, said. “Now that we have a President who’s just taking away my family’s health care, I can breathe easier.”

Harland Dorrinson, a gun fancier from Wyoming, concurred. “In Europe, everyone has health care and no one has guns,” he said. “You couldn’t pay me to live there.” Noting that thousands of people die in hospitals every year, he added, “Health care has killed more people than guns have.”

Tracy Klugian, a gun hobbyist in Florida, said he strongly supported the Trump Administration’s policy, which he summarized as, “If you like the guns you have, you can keep those guns.”

He said that the prospect of becoming ill without health insurance does not concern him in the least. “If I get a disease, I’ll shoot at it,” he said.