In between blow-drying your hair, flossing your teeth, “tweezering” your nose hair, and taking out the trash, it’s important every morning to keep up on what’s going on in social media. Don’t worry, that’s why I’m here. I stayed up late last night to save you the hassle.

Some Really Important Trends in Social Media (In Case You Already Didn’t Notice)

1) The 3D Panoramic View

The German photographer Jonas Ginter finally creates an astonishing panoramic setup using 6 GoPro cameras to create a truly spectacular finish. I’m not gonna knock this one – this is truly great stuff.

2) Happy Videos

In case you haven’t seen the Syracuse New Times version in Downtown Syracuse that went viral (compliments to my friends Ty Marshal and Michael John Heagerty of NOexcuses) check it out on our YouTube page. After Farrell’s hit single sprung out of the film it was created for, not only did his studio produce “24 Hours of Happy,” but countless groups across the world made their own “Happy” videos.

This can only go on so long.

3) Hashtags That Are Trending Now:

#tbt

“Throwback Thursday” has been a longstanding, fun way to show everyone how stupid we looked back in the day. Please don’t bring those clothes back. Ever.

#AfterSexSelfies on Instagram

And you thought regular selfies were bad. These selfies are exactly what you would imagine. For people that just don’t care if the whole world watches. Some might call it porn.

#CockinaSock

A social media campaign started by Facebook page Cock-In-A-Sock started in the UK to bring attention and raise awareness for testicular cancer. But first, the ladies of the UK came up with a campaign to raise awareness and donations for cancer research…#nomakeupselfies.

4) Papal Selfie

Pope Francis, known as “the hip Pope,” paused after his Palm Sunday of-the-cuff-can-the-other-speech homily to take a selfie with some crowd members. Extra cool-guy points for this guy, though not his first photo of this kind. The selfie continues to get resurrected after Ellen’s most-retweeted tweet ever Oscar shot.

5) Free Facebook Advertising is Over

Business owners flip out after Zuckerberg pulls the plug on free organic reach for brands posting to fans. Now you have to pay for people to see that you have a sale on “Winter Swimwear: only $99.99 and up – now through Sunday!” An intelligent business owner I know said he’ll just start his own “Facebook” in protest. (Yeah, I made that up.)

6) Facebook Chat App Download Mandatory

In order to expand its “app download footprint,” Facebook makes downloading their Messenger app mandatory to continue using the chat option. On March 3rd, Facebook is discontinuing messenger apps for Windows and Firefox. According to The Next Web, a message states: “We’re sorry, but we can no longer support Facebook Messenger for Windows, and it will stop working on March 3, 2014,”

7) Ridiculously Popular Memes out there right now:

Here are a few:

– Bad Luck Brian “Had one night stand; knocked it over.”

– “What If I Told You…” Morpheus

– Grumpy Cat – which now has its own “merchandising.” (Mel Brooks, Spaceballs)

– The Dos Equis Guy “I don’t always show up in tech blogs…”

– Scumbag Steve “Hey can I borrow… everything.”

– Overly Attached Girlfriend “I was looking through your texts earlier; who’s Mom?”

– Ridiculously Photogenic Guy “Picture gets put up as employee of the month, for a company he doesn’t work for.”

Local People and Tech

Caught up to a few local celebrities and asked them what their favorite piece of tech is and why.

“I’m an iPhone guy. Love the ability to work across multiple platforms with my tiny little machine.” – Chris Fowler, Executive Director of Syracuse First

“I love my simple point-and-shoot camera. In the grand scheme of things, it is a dying piece of technology, but I love to keep things alive.” – Chris Malone, author of “The Inevitable Coffee Ring” on SyracuseNewTimes.com and also “The Infinite Abyss(es).”

I got a text three hours later that said, “I should say an actual book,” which is very Malone-like to cherish classically bound paper. I believe this is what makes him a great writer.

“I’ll put both,” I replied.

New in Tech

What’s Hot

Local tech company Centscere wins the StartUp Labs Syracuse Grand Prize at the CenterState CEO Annual Meeting Monday. Centscere is software that allows you to make every Facebook post or Tweet a donation to your favorite charity. Look for a full story coming soon in this column.

Amazon announces that it plans to announce its first smartphone come early June, with a retail date sometime in September to jumpstart the holiday shopping season, which now begins before back-to-school season. Insiders say the phone will be capable of producing 3D holograms without the use of external eyewear to enhance gaming, GPS systems, and texting your Mum.

Apple and Samsung, which dominate half the world’s smartphone market, have announced future announcements about announcing new phones with tractor beam, hyperspace, and cloaking abilities. That was really a joke to make you laugh. [Laughter: lots of laughter.]

Additionally, Amazon, the world’s largest online retailer, also announced a follow up to its Fire TV: a “magic wand” (no joke) device that will allow customers to order additional groceries from home by scanning barcodes without logging on to their computers.

In other news, Harry Potter was sighted flying outside the MOST Museum in Downtown Syracuse. Mary Poppins has confirmed these reports. This is entirely true.

What’s Not Hot

Various tech companies unveil breakthroughs in the electronic implant industry. Now you can run into the woods like a giddy fool and find your way home with only the help of an electro-magnetic pill surgically planted in your body. Or you can bring a map.

One such device sown into a person’s chest allows one to electronically “sense” where free Wi-Fi signals are. Because I’d rather feel like a shock-collar parolee when I need to find a Tim Horton’s rather than use that app on my smartphone. The trend is being called “electronic tattooing.”

“Anyone doing this to themselves should stop,” said Dr. Anthony Guiseppe-Elie, a professor of bioengineering.

Anyone who needed a PhD to tell them that should go right ahead.

A former Internet Marketing Manager, Joe Cunningham is a screenwriter, playwright and all-around adventurer. He blogs for Kinani Blue, charms Google at Terakeet and enjoys running through the city. You can follow him on Twitter at @IndianaJoe77 or he can be reached at indianajoe77@gmail.com.

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