Rant at 3am so pardon me...

It feels like everyone always tells us, "Looks don't matter!" Or "You're a shallow asshole and don't deserve him/her! Good luck WHEN you gain a few pounds and wrinkles." But they hardly know what I've had to go through. The feeling of worthlessness, the frustration, the lies and excuses.

I met my bf, now ex, 3 years ago early on in college. He was scruffy, really thin, wore nothing but old, ill-fitting anime t-shirts/khakis, and has a ton of acne scars all over his face. Of all the guys, idk, I agreed to go out with him. I liked his personality. He's quite witty and we shared alot of dorky interests. So I decided to look past all that.

But as time progressed, his laziness started showing. Perhaps the biggest red flag was his bed. OH GAWD. A month came and he stopped washing the sheets. Heck, he was so lazy he slept without them on. The matress was stained had huge holes, yellow foam showing through. Worst of all were there crumbs. Pizza, cookies, poptarts- He would stuff his face on the bed and have crumbs and chunks of his feast fall around him. Then he'd sleep in it. Melted cheese would catch onto his comforter and his body heat would melt chocolate chips from the cookies and form shit-like spots on the matress (and his body). Right when I walk in, I'd be hit by then stench of unwashed pans and rotting food. Then I'd find him asleep in his filth.

Should have left then and there. But I was dumb thinking I could change him. So, I'd wash the sheets, make the bed, and refuse to get on it unless it was food free. He did tidy up considerably, but still ate on the bed and would change the sheets each and every time I would come over. He'd rather wash the sheets a million times than just not eat on the bed.

He ate Mcbeetus every day for lunch. Two double cheeseburgers, large fries, a large soda, a pie, and nuggets with bbq sauce. its a surprise how he managed to stay thin all this time. Well, a year passes by and he was starting to grow a gut. I managed to get him off Mt dew and cut back his fast food, but who knows how much he was really eating.

Our relationship became long distance be cause he couldn't pay for school and took up a job as an oil field worker in texas. I thought it would be great cause he's be walking a ton and working his muscles. Fats find a way...

He came back on year 2 with this MASSIVE pot belly. Whatsaburger, asian buffets, and fried crap had impregnated him.

I started feeling worthless. He started showing up to dates with stains on his shirt and pants (from eating fast food while driving). It was hard enough to get him to go out. Id buy tickets and drag him to events- festivals, fairs, cedar point, movies, the zoo... we'd have fun but he was more interested in the greasy fair food or watching anime.

I threatened to break up with him. Bf blamed it on the stress. He swore he'd change. And he did. His bmi was normal once more, although he still had a gut, and all seemed well. I thought it'll just go away.

Then he started ballooning again. He just crossed the overweight threshold. All the excuses and pigging out behind my back. His exercise involved standing up and walking around at work. Had a bike but never used it. I'd offer to go on biking dates, workout dates. No luck. We stopped eating out for dates. I was patient and tried EVERYTHING to get him back on track.

It was always my fault for not "giving him motivation". My nagging was annoying and I didn't see how much effort he was putting into his diet. He refrained from buying Halloween candy for himself and deserves praise for that. "Baby steps".

I think a part of me always knew what a slob he was and that he would never change. I'm tired of being with someone who won't give me the same consideration. Who won't take the time to dress up for me even when meeting my family. His pot belly isn't just unattractive, it was a physical manifestation of his laziness. I am not mommy and can't be responsible for changing his lifestyle. Being healthy and looking decent is not something he values, yet he wants an attractive and slim girlfriend.

I want an equal. Someone who can take care of themselves. Someone who cares enough about me and wants to look good for me- just as I would for him.

Tl;dr: Issues with bf gaining massive potbelly. Fat is a red flag. Period. It really shows how lititle someone cares about you and themselves. Laziness and excuses come with it.