In the words of the wise and powerful Destiny’s Child:

It’s Sunday, it’s pouring outside, my apartment smells like wet dog, and football took a cue from my father and left.

But in order to survive this miserable day, I have to relive the past…

It was a hell of an NFL season (actual living hell for me after Rodgers went down), and I can think of no better way to start “the best of 2017″ than with the always radiant face of Jay Cutler.

“I’d probably say my wife Kristin talked me into it.”

Yup, if I’m a Dolphins fan that’s what I want to hear from my previously retired quarterback, AFTER losing my mediocre quarterback.

Classic Jay.

(Confession: there’s something about Cutler that makes me absolutely love him. I don’t think we’d be friends and his wife would definitely hate me, but there are forces in the universe that we cannot explain or understand, and they will not be denied.)

Best thing we saw out of OBJ all year. Not that we had many options to choose from…

Marshawn Lynch and the Oakland Raiders go together like lamb and tuna fish. Who cares if the Raiders underperformed, at least Beast Mode got his on the sidelines and on public transportation.

As a life-long Cowboys hater, I’m not a fan of Tony Romo the quarterback, but Tony Romo the analyst I can fuck with. It’s like watching a little boy open up Christmas presents every week.

I’ve always liked AJ Green, but him choking out Jalen Ramsey is some next-level type shit. Cameron Poe would be proud.

As George W. Bush once said: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice… can’t get fooled again.

Unless you’re Michael Crabtree.

I’d watch a 20 hour sizzle reel of Todd Gurley. My goodness.

Gurley put up over 2,000 total yards and 19 TDs, all while bringing back dreads, making LA realize they have at least one NFL team, and ruining my fantasy football season.

Officiating is trash. Rules are up for interpretation and therefore trash; however, determining a crucial first-down with an index card: solid gold.

Jeff Fisher is either a quarterback killer OR a quarterback whisperer.

Sure, Jared Goff threw 23 more TDs without him, Case Keenum led the Vikings to the NFC Championship Game, and Nick Foles was the Super Bowl MVP, but maybe Fisher is the five point palm exploding heart technique. You feel nothing after 4 steps, but come step five, BOOM, you’re a real life quarterback.

(By which case, Vince Young, hang in there, maybe you just haven’t taken your fifth step.)

I love Tom Brady. Love everything about him. And I wanted him to complete the catch and have that storyline. But he didn’t, and Nick Foles did. Hilarious.

What’s not hilarious is having to wait an eternity for the action to return. There are literally a zillion extraordinary plays that happened this year (the Chiefs/Raiders game alone could fill a book), but now it’s all over.

We’re left with shitty weather and LeBron James.