Summer is here, which means every other queer girl is finally hopping off Twitter and grabbing some sun. And what better way to enjoy the weather than going on a beach date? Higher temperatures are encouraging us all to be slutty, so whether you’re single, nonmonogamous, poly, or something in between, it’s the perfect time to swap numbers and grab drinks with that dyke that you’ve been bashfully checking out at the feminist bookstore.

Of course, sapphic dating is easier said than done, and not just because a gentle brush against the leg can mean 20 different things. Queer trans girls are out there dating, too, and chances are if you’re reading this article, you’re at least entertaining the idea of hanging out with one of us (if you haven’t already!). But because trans bodies are ridiculously stigmatized, there aren’t that many sex ed resources out there about us. Hell, most trans women don’t even know how to pleasure themselves.

That’s why I’m here today: to help you unlearn our society’s nasty transphobia and teach you how to have fun with the trans women in your love life. It’s a noble endeavor, I know. So let’s chat about trans women, how our bodies work, what feels good for us, and what you should know before we go home together.

Don’t make assumptions about our genitals.

Mainstream porn implies anyone with a penis, be they cis men, nonbinary people, or trans women, prefer intense, rigorous stroking until they squirt semen. While not every trans woman uses estrogen, many (if not most) of us do, and our bodies work so much differently than cis men’s on hormone replacement therapy (or HRT). Trans adult performer Claire Tenebrarum warns that cisgender women are just as prone to cis men when it comes to believing and regurgitating these unrealistic stereotypes.

“Based on Tinder hookups and just general interactions with cis girls and couples on Tinder, their knowledge, like cis men's knowledge, comes from highly fetishized pornography where girls with thick, throbbing cocks shoot wads of cum,” Tenebrarum tells me. “There's a complete lack of even basic understanding of trans people, how our medication works, and we're basically just treated like cis men with tits.”