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Chick Jeopardy, Intersectional Engineering, Brad from Phone Losers gets raided by the FBI, replacing your credit card numbers, making the NRA friendlier, Peach has more issues with the bathroom, MyRoomRecords releases “Too Small of an Album”, St. Patrick’s Day, midnight miracle vomiting, Squatty-Potties, the mustard bet, an erotic forgery, “My First Sanctions”, Maddox’s newly filed and massively frivolous hissy-fit, and the show prepares to pass FIVE MILLION DOWNLOADS; all that and more this week on the Dick Show!

Myroom Records, the very talented artist and opening act for Road Rage: Portland, releases “Too Small of a Album” today! Check out the songs and buy it if you like it at MyroomRecords.com/thedickshow. I’d Tweet about it or post it to Facebook, but I’m in a 7-day timeout on both for “trying to silence the voice” of @CNN and criticizing Maddox’s “my dude” article respectively. Thankfully, the lock-outs will be lifted in time for the lolsuit hearing on March 27th. I assume I will be banned on both platforms afterwards as my passionate response in the case of either a positive or negative verdict will certainly void the Terms of Soy-vice. Get it? But until then, check out Myroom Records’ album! MRR’s songs never fail to put me in a deep and sexual trance. But first…

a too small of a album by Myroom Records

The world is saturated in soy. P.T. Barnum once famously said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” And as I type it out, I resist the urge to fact-check it on Snopes because while that’s something a sucker wouldn’t do, it’s something a soy would. If the quote were made today, it would read, “There’s a skeptic born every minute–and they’re the biggest suckers of them all.” Everyone is a devil’s advocate and a Doubting Thomas and a “skeptic” today, trained to question everything and everyone until the context of individuality and morality have been nihilistically stripped away, leaving a dadaist buffet of concepts and statistics and “reasonable men”, and the anti-conflict, bro-sensitive temperament of the modern male can be left unprovoked. The modern, evolved male cannot suffer a thought, but he can abide a thought-experiment.

Tim Pool’s brother accuses me of faking my Patreon numbers, but he won’t put his money where his mouth is, a sure-fire way to resolve even the hint of a dispute in the time of suckers, but not in the epoch of soy and anti-conflict. In a world raised by teachers and Terms of Service and obeisance to the Corporotacracy, there is no right and wrong. There are only thought-experiments in skepticism, of which his continue unabated. Tim Pool himself refuses to admit he’s wrong in the case of Maddox’s lolsuit specifically because I “don’t have enough Twitter followers”, embodying perfectly the ethos of the modern and future journalist; it’s not news unless it generates advertising revenue. Nationwide protests are held this week by people who’s only goal seems to be having their own rights revoked by force, a syllogism that would cause the first sentient robots breaking bad to catastrophically malfunction while trying to process. The Turing Test is bogus. The true test of artificial intelligence will be when a computer can’t admit its made a mistake. And now Count Dankula has been found guilty, and in true to life accuracy for the modern re-telling of a Promethean prankster, forced to wait for sentencing and have his eyes plucked out daily in anticipation by the state.

Our collective transition to living in the virtual world has already begun as we cybernetically adopt filter bubbles and thought-experiments and anti-morality in a never-ending Groundhog’s Day of anonymity, where people aren’t so much people, but meat robots that consume oil and produce pages views. It’s not our friends that have fucked us, it’s “The State”. And the byproducts of that, the violent enforcement of grand social schemes, have no consequence because individuals have transitioned into “shifting demographics”. Little boys are force-fed drugs to sit down, little girls are force-fed STEM in service of clicks, and invisible people who are just doing their jobs do permanent things that we can only feel and never see, and every day it gets worse.

In other news, Maddox has now aggressively moved for sanctions against several other defense attorneys in the lolsuit because they advised him to alert the judge of his own admitted perjury before they had to (in accordance with the ethical guidelines of continuing to be a lawyer in New York). Even if you know nothing law, which is impossible because you’re on the Internet, this entire motion reads like a gigantic tantrum and once again, everyone is astounded that we have not yet discovered bedrock. YouTuber Law has a better description of it than I could hope to make.



“Maddox Lost (Cuck It)” by Rage San and the Yeah, Yeahs.



“Keep Suin'” by Panic Hippy.



“My First Sanctions” by Sriracha.



Dick Pics!



A thumbnail that you can kiss because it’s a thumbnail by Clay Burton.



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