The 2017-18 NHL season is upon us. Which means it’s time to figure out what the hell is going on in the Western Conference, which is slightly less confusing than explaining the symbolism in Darren Aronofsky’s “mother!” while on a morphine drip.

The Central Division is a collection of flawed, unpredictable teams. The Pacific Division has an actual expansion team (Vegas) and one that’s been basically stripped down to one (Vancouver). How many points will their division mates snag from them?

Here are our picks for the Metro and Atlantic divisions in the Eastern Conference.

And now, our picks for the Central and Pacific divisions, such as they are.

CENTRAL DIVISION

1 – Minnesota Wild

Fun fact: When given a full season of games, Bruce Boudreau has never coached a team to less than a 100-point pace in the standings. So yeah, we’re playing the percentages here.

But we’re also enamored with a four-lines-deep roster with two sturdy defensive pairings, in front of Devan Dubnyk, who was fifth for the Vezina last season. This is the right balance of players just in the twilight of their primes and burgeoning young standouts.

2 – Dallas Stars

The essential question about the Dallas Stars is how much Ken Hitchcock and Ben Bishop can paper over an unexceptional group of defensemen (Klingberg excepted). They’re going to be better than that 3.17 team GAA they posted last season. How much better could be entirely contingent on The Hitchcock Effect. And in Year 1, it’s always good to err on the side of Hitch. Before, you know, they tune him out.

3 – St. Louis Blues

I made this pick before the Robby Fabbri injury, and before I really considered the totality of the Blues’ injuries at the start of the season. But the pick is made, and there’s no going back. There’s plenty to still like about a team that posted 99 points and seems to have found goaltending stability in Jake Allen (finally). But I’m a little concerned about them being the Team That Gets Off To The Horrific Start And Then Can’t Recover. They’re going to ask a lot from the kids in the lineup, to be sure. Oh, and Sign Jagr.

4 – Chicago Blackhawks

Yeah, I’m not quite willing to write off Chicago quite yet, which I know is the major trend in preseason predictions. On paper, this might be the worst Blackhawks team in over a decade, especially on the backend. But I like the reacquisition of Saad, I think Alex Debrincat is going to star across from Kane and I’m hoping Joel Quenneville can figure out a way to bring this all together. This could easily be a massive dose of denial that the Blackhawks’ reign is either done or interrupted, but then they have a funny way of surpassing those dire expectations.

5 – Winnipeg Jets

In theory, this is the season when the Jets miss the playoffs and fire Paul Maurice, but it seems like he might still be the coach there when Patrik Laine retires. This is an interesting team: One incredible line, a pretty darn good blueline and the Steve Mason experiment in goal. It’s a team you root for, because getting the Jets back into the playoffs would be fun from a personnel and atmospheric standpoint. I just don’t know if they have enough to make it there.

6 – Nashville Predators

Yeah, this.

Look, I’ve seen a multitude of predictions that have the Predators winning the division. I pray they’re right and that I’m wrong. But recency bias is a hell of a drug, and we just saw this team gut it out for four rounds and play some spectacular hockey after being a 94-point bubble team. We saw a lot of guys at the height of their powers, and we’re expecting them to do that again for 82 games.

This is the roster of a division champion? Subtract Mike Fisher and James Neal and Ryan Ellis (for four months) and it just feels different. And a post-Stanley Cup Final hangover can be just as achy for the runner-up.

Again, this is hunch. Well, an educated guess, given some of the modeling I’ve seen on the season. I want to be wrong. I quite enjoyed that hot catfish during last year’s playoffs.

7 – Colorado Avalanche

I still have no idea where this team is going, what this team is doing and what the prevailing philosophy behind the roster is. So, in summary, Free Matt Duchene.

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