Mike Bianchi is a work of art. No really, he is something that you just sit back and marvel at with your friends. But not for the reasons that you would expect. No, you sit back and watch it, because it is like a train wreck that’s so bad but you can’t help but look. He is the reason we Southerners have the phrase “Bless your heart,” because that’s what we all say whenever he tries to talk about us. I’m pretty sure he must have had a girlfriend in Mississippi that broke his fragile little heart, and he is just so spurned by her that he hates the entire state of Mississippi. Which is a shame considering all of the wonderful things that the state has to offer: food, music, scenery, and last but certainly not least football.

This last one is where we begin our story. Now Mike Bianchi has certainly made a name for himself here in Mississippi in a matter of months. It all started with his little article saying that Mississippi State and Ole Miss should be kicked out of the SEC. Not just kicked out, but replaced. By whom you ask? Well that would be the great powerhouse programs UCF and USF. *Bursts out into laughter and crumbles to the floor laughing* I’m sorry…I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t laugh at that, but putting “Powerhouse programs” in the same sentence as UCF and USF is just too much to handle. The only reason why those two should be next to each other is when you’re saying powerhouse programs [add actual good teams here] stomp mudhole in chest of UCF and USF. But I digress, the fact that he said that the SEC should kick out two charter members for two programs that are laughable at best is evidence enough of his insanity.

Fast forward a couple of months, and he tweets out a gem following MSU’s upset over Texas A&M and OM’s upset over Alabama.

Ole Miss beating Bama and Miss. State beating A&M is best day in State of Mississippi since the invention of naked-lady mudflaps! — Mike Bianchi (@BianchiWrites) October 5, 2014

Now I get what he was trying to do. Funny joke, ha ha, everyone laughs it off. But given his recent string of disliking towards the entire State of Mississippi, he had no margin of joking. Now we Mississippians are quite sensitive to snide remarks from people outside of the state. We’ve heard all of the remarks about our national rankings in obesity, teenage pregnancies, debt, etc. But football is one thing we always hung our hat on. It is something that we could all rally together, and be happy about whenever the teams won. Not only our Division I programs, but our Division II programs (Delta State at #9) and our Community College Programs (EMCC #1, MGCCC #3, JCJC #20). These are programs that we put our hearts and souls into every Friday and Saturday on the gridiron.

Which brings us to today’s article. Mike Bianchi wrote another gem of an article. I mean this one is one for the record books as far as I’m concerned. But not the record book that you want to be on. No no…this one is for stupidity and arrogance. Now I get that he may be doing this as a satire or trying to be funny, but he missed the mark. Here is the article in question. Now in this article, Mike Bianchi says that Mississippi State and Ole Miss fans should thank him for our top-three rankings and undefeated seasons. He says that because of him writing that article back in the Summer, the teams were motivated and that’s why we are where we are. No, Mike. No. That’s not how this cookie crumbles. This isn’t how the West was won. No. I’m pretty sure the players didn’t read your article. I’m pretty sure the players could have cared less about your article saying that they should be kicked out in favor of UCF and USF. Once they saw that, they laughed and figured it as a joke. No, Mike. You can claim zero responsibility for our teams being undefeated. You can claim zero responsibility for our high rankings, because you are not an AP voter. You can claim zero responsibility because you are a laughing stock of a writer, and I’m surprised you’re still employed by the Orlando Sentinel.

Now Mr. Bianchi, I politely ask you, in pure Mississippian form, to take your little behind back to Orlando, and don’t bad mouth my state ever again. Actually, I hope that your precious teams get to play a Mississippi team. Do you know why? Because neither UCF or USF has ever beaten Mississippi State or Ole Miss in their histories. Never. In fact, USF has never played Mississippi State or Ole Miss. UCF’s most recent bout with a Mississippi foe was the 2007 Liberty Bowl against Sylvester Croom’s Mississippi State squad. So with this, I politely say that you can sit down and never stand back up again to bad mouth my University, my people, or my state.