SUBJECT: Free object that nobody in their right mind would want

Pile of useless, broken, and likely contaminated crap dumped on the curb outside. Free to whoever wants it.

SUBJECT: Re: Free object that nobody in their right mind would want

Pile has been claimed within two minutes.

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ FOR YOUR HEALTH AND SAFETY

Piece of trash on the median by the library. Could be harmful?

SUBJECT: Overprivileged school having a fundraiser

We need your help and lots of other volunteers to do something unspecified. Might be an actual barn raising.

SUBJECT: Panicky, NIMBY hyperbole

City council thinking about considering a slight change to an obscure ordinance. Just FYI.

SUBJECT: Re: Panicky, NIMBY hyperbole

Great, there goes the neighborhood. I saw this coming from a mile away. – Henny Penny

SUBJECT: Re: Panicky, NIMBY hyperbole

Do we even need sidewalks, anyway? I think we should be willfully ignorant that a street is becoming a main thoroughfare through the neighborhood. My friend at city coun…I mean, the taco stand said this won’t affect anything.

SUBJECT: Re: Panicky, NIMBY hyperbole

Here’s my five paragraphs of blowhard ipsum. Please read carefully and thoughtfully, as I will always start my reply to your reply with, “Did you read what I wrote?”

SUBJECT: Re: Panicky, NIMBY hyperbole

You guys, stop replying all. Nobody wants to wade through all this crap.

–

Have a blessed day!

John Q. Fluffenhauer

Business Realtor Extraordinaire

www.fluffenhauerforyou.com

Cell: 555-1242

Wife’s cell: 555-1919

Pager: 5551-4u19f

Making business my business since 1986

SUBJECT: Re: Panicky, NIBMY hyperbole

What’s really important is that we maintain an absolute fist of control over everything that happens in this three-million-person city. I want to reiterate Henny Penny’s point with one slight variation in word choice.

SUBJECT: anyone know of a good tree removal service?

Looking to remove a 75-year-old oak tree as it’s blocking my view of the hot neighbor’s bedroom.

SUBJECT: anyone know of a good tree removal service?

Looking to remove a 75-year-old oak tree as it’s blocking my view of the hot neighbor’s bedroom.

SUBJECT: re: anyone know of a good tree removal service?

Apologies for the repeating posts, trying to figure out this most basic means of communication.

SUBJECT: Possible crime in progress

A youth of certain demographics (I won’t go into it because of bleeding hearts around here) was riding his bike on my street. He was wearing a bright orange hoodie, with black sneakers and dungarees, and looked like he preferred pancakes over waffles. When I slowed down my vehicle to get a good look at what he was doing—casing houses for burglary?—he glared at me and rode off. As someone who has been in the neighborhood for a billion years, nobody call me out, even when I ask a public forum to suspect someone I’ve described in detail.

SUBJECT: Re: Possible crime in progress

Did you make a police report? The police won’t know this happened unless you do!!

SUBJECT: Can I borrow a cup of flour?

I would rather email 1,000 people than knock on my next door neighbor’s door.

SUBJECT: Re: dredging up a hot-button issue (Re: Panicky, NIMBY hyperbole) from a month ago

Just wanted to add in my two cents, as a white male businessowner. Let’s now use this opportunity to rehash all of the same points that have already been made.

SUBJECT: Selling tickets to event for exactly what I paid for them.

Event isn’t sold out and won’t be, but you should coordinate payment and pickup from a stranger to add an extra step to the purchasing process!

SUBJECT: Neighborhood Association meeting

First announcement—happening in 30 minutes and won’t happen again for a month. Hope you didn’t have any plans!

– Angela Saunders