Suffering in silence: Hundreds of players at risk of suicide, says Carlisle

In an effort to help the hundreds of footballers across the country suffering in silence from depression, Clarke Carlisle has opened up about the day he tried to kill himself when he was a young professional at QPR.

Carlisle, a well-respected figure who represented nine clubs in a 16-year playing career that ended last month, remains chairman of the players' union and was dubbed Britain's Brainiest Footballer before appearing on Question Time.

Harrowing tale: Players' boss Clarke Carlisle

But as a scared and confused 21-year-old, he went to his local park in west London with a combination of prescription medication and alcohol, his mind struggling to cope with a serious injury he thought would not only cost him his career but also respect from his friends and family.

Football's suicide secret

The documentary by film-maker Anna Keel, part of the BBC’s It’s A Mad World season, will be screened on BBC3, Tuesday, at 9pm

'I'd decided that ending my life was the best solution for everyone,' said Carlisle, who is working with the FA to create a specialist, confidential hotline for players suffering from depression. 'It wasn't a cry for help. I downed the pills and was expecting some really dramatic ending, like a movie scene.

'When that didn't happen, I thought I'd go back to my flat, have another can and go to sleep [forever], job done. It's frightening, really frightening, to think about my state of mind back then.'

Fortunately for Carlisle, he was found in time and had his stomach pumped in hospital, although depression and alcoholism continued to dog him throughout spells with Blackpool, QPR, Leeds, Watford, Luton, Burnley, Preston, York and Northampton.

Now the 33-year-old's turbulent experiences have led him to present a challenging and sensitive TV documentary, Football's Suicide Secret, in which he speaks to the sister of the late Wales manager, Gary Speed, and to other players who have attempted to take their lives.

The list of football's suicide victims is growing: Speed, Germany goalkeeper Robert Enke, Justin Fashanu, Alan Davies, who played in an FA Cup final for Manchester United, Lou Macari's son, Jonathan, and Paul Vaessen, of Arsenal.

Call: PFA chief Carlisle wants a confidential hotline for sufferers

Alarmingly, Carlisle, in his only newspaper interview before his programme is broadcast on BBC Three on Tuesday, thinks the cases we know about are just the tip of the iceberg.

'I will categorically state there are hundreds of players suffering with this,' he said. 'The numbers in society are one in four and footballers are members of that society. The thing about football is that the reluctance to come forward and speak means there are so many guys sitting under the radar.

'As PFA chairman, I've had 15-20 guys come to me and say, "Clarke, there's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is or where I should go". All they know is they want to be out of football, out of the system. And those are just the ones who had my number and felt they could call. You cannot undersell this.'

Given Carlisle's Mensa-level IQ, there will be those who think he should have known better than to 'drink through an entire summer' as he confesses in his documentary after losing a play-off final. Others will regard footballers in general as too well paid to deserve sympathy.

But he believes the view is born out of misunderstanding. 'Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs adjustment. Your wealth, job or intelligence don't make you immune,' he said. 'It's as bona fide an illness as gastro-enteritis. It needs to be diagnosed and treated. Stephen Fry is probably the most intelligent man I've ever come across - and he has suffered from it.'

To combat his demons, Clarke has turned heavily in the past to drink - the Achilles' heel of many other prominent players such as Paul Gascoigne, Tony Adams and Paul McGrath.

Tragic: Former Wales manager Gary Speed

'My belief and experience is that the majority of substance abuse is born out of depression,' said Carlisle. 'I believe my alcoholism was to try to alter my state of mind, and that was because of my general level of unhappiness.

'Now my depression has been diagnosed, I take drugs every morning. It's not a "happy pill" that makes challenges go away, but it balances my brain so I can see clearly the challenges I face.'

Carlisle says the problem for players in the macho world of football is admitting they may need help. 'Many people see football as the greatest job in the world,' he said. 'My parents had to raise four kids on next to nothing. How could I tell them I was struggling when I was in this fantastic vocation? So I put on this facade that everything was fantastic.

'There's also a fear of divulging your innermost thoughts to anyone in the game. Football's grapevine is so quick.' In one momentous and emotionally-charged day, Carlisle returned to the park in Acton where he had tried to end it all, then travelled that afternoon to meet Speed's sister, Lesley. 'It was incredibly heavy,' he said. 'I was really apprehensive because no amount of sympathy is going to be enough. The only thing that had any power was empathy, letting Lesley know I had gone as far as Gary had and understood the damage depression can do.'

Afterwards, a clearly-moved Carlisle vows the only way Speed's death will not be in vain is to try to save others. He hopes the phone hotline for the country's 50,000 current and ex-footballers is a good starting point. 'The first point of contact is vital,' he said. 'If someone has got to the point where they want to make that call, it has to be to the right person. It is vital the phoneline should sit outside the industry, where they can speak to someone safe in the knowledge their problems will be taken seriously and in confidence.'

Carlisle also wants proper research into what are the most common triggers of depression in the game; to what extent injuries, moving clubs, retirement and other factors mess up players' heads.

Above all, he hopes players can break the traditional football culture of acting tough and start talking about problems. 'A huge part of the solution is the ability to verbalise your fears,' said Carlisle. 'And having that trusting person there not to take advantage of your vulnerability.

'Meeting Lesley Speed has made me feel I have to do something.'



