A mega shopping mall from the people who own the Mall of America in Minnesota is slated to open in New Jersey in 2017. It is being called “American Dream Meadowlands,” which might make you think it’s going to be a cool complex of mom-and-pop shops, but, um, no. Zara, Apple, and Gap are a few of the 400-odd retailers signed on to open stores in the mall, which is really like five malls connected on one campus. The project will cost about $5 billion by the time it opens, and will include an indoor water park, amusement park, a mini-golf course, and so much more. Here’s what else sounds like it's ripped from the pages of David Foster Wallace's dystopian novel Infinite Jest.

There will be a twelve-story, 800-foot hill for skiing, snowboarding, and tubing.

The movie theaters will have moving seats and scented viewing experiences.

There’s a gondola ride centered around the mall’s view of the Manhattan skyline.

The food court will be an upscale gourmet food hall with restaurants from celebrity chefs.

There will be several direct bus shuttles between Manhattan and the mall, and possibly a ferry.

The mall will be open 365 days a year.

On the bright side, today is Friday.