Researchers find men with small cocks more likely to order massive oil pipelines

Men with inadequate cocks are more likely to order gigantic oil pipelines as a form of overcompensation, it has emerged.

The news comes as US President Donald Trump ordered two such pipelines from a website offering pipeline enhancement in ‘five easy steps’.

Trump signed off the order yesterday, resulting in stifled moans of ecstasy from oil company bosses.

The first pipeline, dubbed Dick 1, will measure 1200 miles when erected and is set to transport gallons of hot, sticky liquid from two large spherical terminals in Illinois.

Trump’s current pipeline is a pathetic specimen, which has a tendency to shrink in cold weather, prompting the president to ask whether that’s normal.

Experts claim that although the second planned pipeline isn’t quite as big, you wouldn’t want it in your Indian reservation.

Addressing Sioux chiefs earlier this morning, Trump said, “My big oil pipeline in your backyard. You like that, huh?”

Pipeline expert, Simon Williams, said, “Sure it’s big, but compared to Putin’s Yamal-Europe pipeline, it’s a tiny little maggot.”