Shrektastic Titanic

Warning: this is a fucked up fanfic even we don't want to read it twice. There is M-preg. Thank you and you have being warned.

Disclaimer: the beginning sounds like My Immortal… sorry about that.

Hi my name is Shrek ebony darkness dementia raven way and I have long ebony hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reached my mid back and skin as pale as a green moon.

I was in my car listening to Linking Park's Leave Out All The Rest, sadly thinking about how I left Japan to come to this small town called South Park Colorado.

I am also a vampire

''Hey Shrek!'' shouted a voice. It was... Harry styles!

''What's up harry'' I said all cool.

''Nothin'.'' he said shyly.

But then my friends called me so I had to go away

-3 years later, on the Titanic-

He was only trying to get to a far, far away land. He saw it as a nice getaway for a while, not that he needed to get away, but because he wanted to, definitely not because of Harry.

Little did he know that he would soon find true love on this boat.

Shrek sat alone gazing at the night sky, his ebony hair flowing with the wind

He thought of his past, his cold, cold past, and he was happy to think he could survive without the one-directioner.

These thoughts were interrupted by someone coming by a distinctive buzzing.

''Oh my…'' said Barry the bee, ''I didn't think I'd see you here.'' The yellow and black pollinator chuckles light-heartedly, his wings flapping faster than ever from excitement. ''I knew I saw you somewhere before, I'd remember such a pretty face.''

Shrek chuckled and waved the comment off, ''I'm just a simple ogre."

"No, you're more than that,'' said the bee sitting next to the green vampire. "Your hair is beautiful." said Barry the bee with love in his eyes.

"Aren't u cold?'' Shrek worried over his new companion.

"No, you warm me up, Shrek'' Barry snuggles closer to the green vampire-monster's body.

"I always wanted to travel the world'' Shrek said looking into the bee's ocean blue eyes, "I'm happy I at least get to see you." said Shrek.

"I'll show you something better." said the bee after a short moment of comfortable silence.

Barry hopped off the railing they were sitting on and grabbed Shrek's, arm doing a perfect imitation of Jack and Rose's pose in the hit movie Titanic where Celine Dion sang a great song that made everyone think for a second she was hot.

''WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!''

Suddenly Harry Styles was behind them!

Harry Styles angrily made his way to them and bitch slapped the living hell out of Barry the bee and grabbed Shrek's delicate moon green arm.

Shrek turned his head to the singer, giving him a passionate kiss.

"I thought you'd never find me again." The green ogre smiles tenderly as a drop of tear roll down from his eyes.

"I had to find you, babe… because you see... IM PREGNANT!'' said Harry.

Audible gasp from both Shrek ebony dark'ness dementia raven way and Barry bee Benson.

"Shrek you WHORE! I'm also pregnant with your child!" said a heavily pregnant bee. A bee becomes pregnant very fast, kinda like mice so it only took like 3 minutes to get a big belly suddenly.

In the midst of all this drama and Shrek confusion, the Titanic's shit hit the fan and the iceberg collided with the cock.

Disaster struck, like a smooth criminal, the boat was in the water.

Shrek, Harry and Barry had found a boat to float on. But Barry selfishly took the whole fucking shit, claiming he was a delicate pregnant man.

Suddenly, Olaf the snowman came on the boat and pushed both Harry and Barry in the water, leaving them to freeze to death.

''S-s-s-some people a-are w-worth fffreezing for.'' And then Olaf jumped off the board, also to die. He was also in love with Shrek and wanted him to live.

Surprise! Harry was still latched on the boat with Barry in his hair.

"I'll never let go, Harry, Barry." Said Shrek kissing Harry's frozen hands. He wanted to die with his true loves.

After a while, he heard the sirens of the survivor boat.

-9 months later-

Shrek was running with more children than he ever wanted.

After those nights of passionate love with both Barry and Harry, he now have 5 goddamn kids.

His whole legacy.

84 years later, Shrek sits with his 5 children on his death bed and pictures of Harry and Barry by his side, he'll soon meet them again.

A/N We are going to hell for writing this shit.