Alonzo Bodden was born in June 13, 1962 andgrew up in the suburbs of Queens, New York. He studied aerospace in school and became a licensed aircraft mechanic and choose this initially as his career. Bodden worked on everything from Stealth Fighters to DC-10’s to private jets.



Alonzo Bodden was acknowledged for the first time when he performed at the Montreal Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. He won season three of Last Comic Standing. Bodden hosted a few television series including 101 Cars You Must Drive on Speed Channel and America’s Worst Driver on the Travel Channel. He also appeared on various comedy shows, including The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, The Wayans Bros., and Comedy Central Presents etc.

Bodden appeared in a few films including Bringing Down the House (2003), The Girl Next Door (2004), Scary Movie 4 (2006), National Lampoon’s Totally Baked: A Potumentary (2007) etc. he is also the voice behind Thunderon in Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue. Below we have some of the most hilarious quotes from Alonzo Bodden. Enjoy!

1. I wasn’t always a comic, I used to do honest work.

2. I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into “gay shape”. Now, you know what I’m talking about. Gay men are the most ripped kind of… listen… I don’t know how strong you have to be to blow a guy, but I’m guessin’, there is some muscle involved.

3. I like psycho chicks… Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you’re gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.

4. A joke is either funny or it’s not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that’s what I do. I don’t start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

5. This guy asked me to go camping on vacation. Camping - that’s the dumbest vacation I ever heard of in my life. What, I’m gonna work all year so I can go out and pretend I’m homeless?

6. Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It’s been along for years… it’s called cash.

7. We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody’s got to take their shoes off? Where’s the bra bomber at? I say, if we’ve gotta wait in line, let’s make it fun for everybody.

8. There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian; I’ve been fortunate to do that. To make a name for yourself and to be famous would be great - because it would give me that freedom.

9. Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it’s like I’m a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It’s power to take the crowd wherever I want them to go. I love it when they laugh, especially when they relate through laughter. It’s a beautiful thing. It also means I’m going to get paid, which is nice.

10. There’s always something that’s going to kill us all. A few years ago, tomatoes were going to kill us and a few years before that it was spinach. The FDA is run by a 7-year-old kid that hates vegetables!

11. I don’t like conservatives. They always talk about the “good old days”. I’m black, we have no “good old days”.

12. Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?

13. You can’t bring tweezers on an airplane. If I’m on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I’ll whip your ass, man. You think I’m going to be late because you’ve got tweezers and a bad attitude?

14. I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I’d save him some time.

15. Women like jewelry. They’re like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they’ll follow you home.

16. I’m a black male, over 40, with no kids, living in the suburbs - they wanted to put me in a museum. Why did I move to the suburbs? I started watching Desperate Housewives. If comedy didn’t work out I can always try gardening.

17. Every day theres something new. Something’s going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.

18. I like white women. That’s why I can’t hate white men. Because we need them for breeding. Sometimes I’m hanging with the brothers, and they get a little militant on me. They’re like, “Kill Whitey!” I’m like, “Slow down. Let’s think this through now.”

19. Black people don’t hijack planes, alright? Now I’ll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do not hijack planes. In fact, in the history of aviation, a black person has never even attempted to hijack a plane. Do you want to know why? Because you can’t sell an airplane.

20. I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.