“The only person you can control is you. So focus on making yourself who you want to be: Faster. Smarter. Stronger. More humble. Less ego.” — Jocko Willink

When most of us think of leadership we think of a stereotypical leader.

A middle-manager who you answered to when you were new to the workforce, or someone who runs a business, or even some form of commander in the military. The word ‘leader’ evokes thoughts of a person who is in charge of whatever the situation is, and who’s there to give orders, ensure tasks are done and timeframes met, and to hold everyone accountable.

When I was in my late teens and earlier twenties I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to see my thirtieth birthday. Not because I have an illness or because I’m depressed and suicidal, but simply because I didn’t really have a sense of time. Like many young men, I didn’t have a concept of self-preservation and I couldn’t see too far into the future. I couldn’t see myself as a real adult, I was too busy having fun.

As a result, I think it took me longer than the average human to learn to ‘parent myself’. In fact, it took a bit of a mental breakdown and a psychologist literally saying the words “you need to learn to parent yourself” to actually make me realize that living on pizza, videogames and very little sleep was not a sustainable lifestyle.

That happened when I was about twenty-three. I’m now twenty-nine.

I blamed everyone else for my problems and I had to be shown how to change my internal narrative to take ownership of the things I could control, and let go of things out of my control. Over the past six years, as I’ve learned (slowly) how to be a functioning member of society, I’ve realized that you can take the concept of parenting yourself one step forward.

You can become your own leader.

Let me explain: