Parliament will close indefinitely, beginning next week, to help prevent the dangerous spread of bullshit.

The level of bullshit in the UK has already reached ‘very high’ and politicians have moved at a rapid pace to slow down the spread.

‘Most of the bullshit comes from Parliament or the media. MPs have voted to close Parliament for the foreseeable future to slow down the dangerous spread,’ one Conservative MP told us.

This means that all MPs will enjoy a nice break from work after achieving nothing of positive note in the last few months.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson is already lobbying donors to see who’ll pay for his next holiday. Surprisingly, a pro-EU group have volunteered to pay for him to leave the country, but only if it’s permanently.

‘The way everything’s going, I might take them up on it,’ said Johnson.