Nigeria: My Fatherland of Chaos

(The Town-crier cries, as the drums roll)

Nigeria my Fatherland

Great land of mischief

Borne of a white experiment, full of dauntless surprises

Naija as we know it, is the home for all

Lion of Africa, therefore, speak for we hear thee

Patched like a starry midnight sky, let out your different ‘twinkles’

The ambidextrous Goddess Nigeria Speaks:

I am full of tribes, a score dozen and ten

Like a mother hen with her chicks, I house them all

The Motherland of the Color Black

I am all that’s Beautiful

Talk about Variety, and You talk about Me

Think of Diversity, and You’ve called my Last Name

Talk about Beauty, and let me show You my babes, whom u call Culture.

I am bloated with rich Cultures

Cultures that represent me

Cultures that speak volumes about me

Cultures that break the ice of division.

Which do you choose to see first

The Igbos, that are very industrious Ohaneze kwenu!

The Yorubas, who like book too much Odu’a I lie?

The Hausa’s, who have taken to Rulership like white on rice Arewa una

dey?

Ha! Ha! These are just my first babies

I din’t even mention the Ijaws and Itshekiris, my twin babies who love war

I din’t mention the Urhobos, The Ibibios, the Kenuris, Efik, Nupes,

Calabaris, Amokus, Fulanis etc.

Oh! What a Nation.

Let me show You a Little bit of our World

Lagos, the ‘Real Center of Excellence’:

How I miss the Oshodi-Oshodi, Obalende-CMS, Lawanson, Iyana-Ipaja cries

of the shrill coarse voices of my conductors. The ‘Onsha-Owerri-Aba, Inaga’ music of eastern bus drivers; Oloshe! curses of our Tejuosho/Alaba traders.

How I long for the 5 Naira Beans, 5 Naira Dodo, 10 Naira Rice, with Kpomo,

no Meat and one Pure Water of our Mama-Put delicacies.

The early morning ‘Agege-bread’ that graces my breakfast table with ‘Ewa-goin’

and hot tea to go with it.

Oh! The pleasures of ‘Baby how far? And Nne kedu kwanu?’ slangs of ‘toasting’

babes.

The vibes of ‘Baby, you know anytime I see you, my heart just do VAA, and you know

as I behold your radiating beauty, baby e be like say we are on the cliff of

love waiting to dive into the ocean of passion. Abeg no say no.’

The ‘I Love You, Love’nt I? And ‘Are you shy, why shall I shy?’ conversations between

Touts and market girls.

The ‘Nne eeh, my container is all for you. Egbuwom ozu na high sea, just to

envelope your charitiuos love’.

I have not also forgotten our ever-willing Ayilara/Opebi-Allen customers,

Whose dictionaries only contain, ‘Si, si going my way?’

Neither did I forget our powerful world of ‘Kilonshe, Onye n’ekwu. I say

na who dey talk?’, when actually we’re speaking into an empty unconnected

handset, all in the name of ‘I don get my own GISM. No wonder wetin dem

call am na General Street Madness’.

I won’t also be justified to forget our powerful Power Authority NEPA,

whose most favorite slogan is ‘Never Expect Power At all; Make sure you have

fuel for your generators, or at least buy candles and light them up’.

Well at least, they’ve made us appreciate the values of the romantic serene

environments of daily dusk to dawn candle lit dinners, romantic privilege craved by our so-called westernized counterparts; one that we enjoy almost every night.

The quick response of ‘the number you have dialed is temporarily out of

service’ from every land phone line u dial, reminds me of NITEL– Nigerian

telecommunications, and makes me wonder if people dey talk for phone at

all for Naija.

Oh my Nigeria! Lion of Africa, how religious you are to have the highest

number of churches in the world yet endeavors to make sure you don’t go

beyond the 3rd place on the worlds list of most corrupt countries.

Thanks to the Anti-Corruption Bill.

Finally, God bless the day our National Anthem was formed, and even more

when its remix was nationally composed: Arise o compansion. To sa to sa our land, one

natia ba, our he shaba…’. I’m sure not all of us reading this can correctly sing the 2

stanzas of the National Anthem properly: Patriotic Nigerians!

I have not even mentioned the patriotic leadership attitude of ‘Fellow

Countrymen, I have come to take my own share of the national cake, support

me and get the icing of my share, or reject me and wash the knife wey I

use cut the cake, and wait for my successor, OLOSHE! All this, while noble citizen are ‘suffering and smiling, chanting the poor man’s mantra of ‘Ol boi, God dey joo’, as a solution to all our problems.

Hmmn! What good leadership (Shaking My Head).

However, I haven’t lost hope yet. At least I have You.

I believe that I have a hope with You all.

Yes! A future for a better place- an honest, fun-filled and successful

Nigeria.

That’s all I want.

Hence, abeg make una strive to make this a reality, so that the future

would be a better place for us all to enjoy in Nigeria.

Think on these.

THANK YOU.