ADA, OH – Radically upending our understanding of human biology, a biologist at Ohio Northern University’s Biological and Allied Health Sciences Department has discovered that men actually have an enlarged clitoris with a pair of exposed ovaries awkwardly dangling between their legs.

Famed biologist Orville Reid has suspected for a long time that men were just big lumbering, clumsy women but was never able to scientifically prove it – until today. Using state of the art technology, Dr Reid found that men are simply taller, hairier, uglier and less sexually desirable versions of women who also have a freakish exterior vajayjay.

“For reasons not yet fully understood,” Dr Reid told reporters, “men – or manginas in scientific parlance – have evolved a floppy, oversized clitoris and a pair of furry, shriveled-looking ovaries outside their body that always get in the way and needlessly cause pain when touched.”

“To put it bluntly, men – excuse me, manginas – possess deformed lady bits,” the biologist stated from his cushy office on the ivy league campus. “My findings clearly show that manginas are basically disfigured women – or chicks with dicks, if you will.”

But it isn’t all bad news for manginas. As flawed women, they will be seen as more gentle, believable and caring. “Reframing male biology in female terms represents a welcomed revolutionary shift in our scientific thinking and is great news for gender equality as well,” Dr Reid stated.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need some time alone to explore my engorged girly parts,” Dr Reid stated while rushing reporters out of his office.