To view past editions of The Hill's 12:30 Report, click here: http://bit.ly/1M1mIfw

To receive The Hill's 12:30 Report in your inbox, please sign up here: http://bit.ly/1Tt4hqN

--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report — Presented by Kidney Care Partners — Biden camp scrambles to address first crisis | Tough questions for Dems | Pelosi gives advice to Biden | White House studying options to shut southern border | Sanders touts $18.2M fundraising haul | Dems ramp up subpoena threats | Trump rips Puerto Rico's leaders in fight over disaster aid | Trump calls Dems 'unhinged' after Mueller report | Bryce Harper returns to DC today | Will Nats fans boo?

IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Trump ignores Ross Geller's advice:

--> http://bit.ly/2I5Iyrv ;)

Via The Hill's Jordan Fabian, midterm losses have traditionally forced presidents to shift course and pivot to the political center. But fresh off a clean bill of health from special counsel Robert Mueller Robert (Bob) MuellerCNN's Toobin warns McCabe is in 'perilous condition' with emboldened Trump CNN anchor rips Trump over Stone while evoking Clinton-Lynch tarmac meeting The Hill's 12:30 Report: New Hampshire fallout MORE, President Trump Donald John TrumpOmar fires back at Trump over rally remarks: 'This is my country' Pelosi: Trump hurrying to fill SCOTUS seat so he can repeal ObamaCare Trump mocks Biden appearance, mask use ahead of first debate MORE seems to have no interest in softening his positions. How so: http://bit.ly/2UdAkVs

I am the best thing to ever happen to you!:

This morning, President Trump criticized Puerto Rico politicians amid a fight over disaster aid. http://bit.ly/2UuasE4

Trump tweeted: "Puerto Rico got 91 Billion Dollars for the hurricane, more money than has ever been gotten for a hurricane before, & all their local politicians do is complain & ask for more money. The pols are grossly incompetent, spend the money foolishly or corruptly, & only take from USA."

He then added: "The best thing that ever happened to Puerto Rico is President Donald J. Trump. So many wonderful people, but with such bad Island leadership and with so much money wasted. Cannot continue to hurt our Farmers and States with these massive payments, and so little appreciation!"

TIMING:

Yesterday, the Senate rejected dueling disaster aid proposals amid a fight with President Trump over Puerto Rico. Democrats and top Puerto Rican officials argued the GOP proposal was not enough to help the island. http://bit.ly/2CPSDVY

It's Tuesday. I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook .

Did someone forward this to you? Want your own copy? Sign up here to receive The Hill's 12:30 Report in your inbox daily: http://bit.ly/2kjMNnn

BREAKING

Shut. It. Down:

The White House just said it has begun studying options to close down different parts of the U.S. southern border but expressed hope the drastic move could be avoided. http://bit.ly/2WFktfi

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders just told reporters: “Eventually, it may be that it’s the best decision that we close the border.”

Yeah, but: Sanders said “this isn’t our first choice.”

Timeline: Sanders said President Trump “is not working on a specific timeline” to decide whether to close the border.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

You're looking at a future campaign ad:

Sen. Bernie Sanders Bernie SandersButtigieg stands in as Pence for Harris's debate practice Bernie Sanders warns of 'nightmare scenario' if Trump refuses election results Harris joins women's voter mobilization event also featuring Pelosi, Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda MORE's (I-Vt.) presidential campaign raised $18.2 million in the first quarter of 2019. http://bit.ly/2I8hBDt

Breakdown from Sanders's campaign manager: The campaign contributions came from roughly 900,000 donations with an average contribution of $20.

Context and details: http://bit.ly/2I8hBDt

ALSO WINNING THE FUNDRAISING PRIMARY:

South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg Pete ButtigiegButtigieg stands in as Pence for Harris's debate practice Hillicon Valley: FBI, DHS warn that foreign hackers will likely spread disinformation around election results | Social media platforms put muscle into National Voter Registration Day | Trump to meet with Republican state officials on tech liability shield Facebook takes down Chinese network targeting Philippines, Southeast Asia and the US MORE, whose presidential campaign has raised $7 million in its first two months. http://bit.ly/2CNRzSC

Why Buttigieg's success is particularly noteworthy: "The figure is a significant one for a candidate who has only really seen his national profile soar in the wake of a CNN town hall event last month. In the 24 hours after his appearance at that event, Buttigieg's team said he raised more than $600,000." http://bit.ly/2CNRzSC

Another Joe Biden Joe BidenOmar fires back at Trump over rally remarks: 'This is my country' Trump mocks Biden appearance, mask use ahead of first debate Trump attacks Omar for criticizing US: 'How did you do where you came from?' MORE accusation:

Via The Hartford Currant, "A Connecticut woman says Joe Biden touched her inappropriately and rubbed noses with her during a 2009 political fundraiser in Greenwich when he was vice president, drawing further scrutiny to the Democrat and his history of unwanted contact with women as he ponders a presidential run." http://bit.ly/2I5sLJn

From Amy Lappos: "It wasn't sexual, but he did grab me by the head. He put his hand around my neck and pulled me in to rub noses with me. When he was pulling me in, I thought he was going to kiss me on the mouth." http://bit.ly/2I5sLJn

On why Lappos did not report the incident: "I never filed a complaint, to be honest, because he was the vice president. I was a nobody. There's absolutely a line of decency. There's a line of respect. Crossing that line is not grandfatherly. It's not cultural. It's not affection. It's sexism or misogyny." http://bit.ly/2I5sLJn

HOW TEAM BIDEN IS HANDLING THE CRISIS: http://bit.ly/2OGsqxO

New statement from Biden's squad:

Joe Biden spokesman Bill Russo emailed a lengthy statement to reporters where he highlighted 24 testimonies from notable women in the public sphere -- plus Sen. Chris Coons (D-Del.) speaking on behalf of his daughter. Details: http://bit.ly/2YMUbd5

REACTION FROM MSNBC'S MIKA BRZEZINSKI:

Brzezinski defended the former vice president and criticized Democrats for attacking "those who can beat Trump." Watch: http://bit.ly/2FJsyZF

In her words: "The conversation has gotten out of control," Brzezinski said. "And Democrats and those on the left who want to tweet me today and go nuts and get all woke, you're eating your young. You're eating those who can beat Trump, you're killing the very people who have been pushing women ahead, who've been fighting for equal pay, who have been doing everything they can to respect women in their lives."

This a.m. -- Pelosi weighs in on the Biden stories:

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi Nancy PelosiPelosi: Trump hurrying to fill SCOTUS seat so he can repeal ObamaCare House lawmakers reach deal to avert shutdown Centrist Democrats 'strongly considering' discharge petition on GOP PPP bill MORE (D-Calif.) offered some advice to former Vice President Joe Biden amid "Me Too" allegations. http://bit.ly/2uGPh3u

Pelosi's advice: "I'm a member of the straight-arm club. ... I just pretend that you have a cold, and I have a cold."

On Biden's actions: "I've known Joe Biden a long time. My grandchildren love Joe Biden. He's an affectionate person -- to children, to senior citizens, to everyone, that's just the way he is."

Pelosi's full comments: http://bit.ly/2uGPh3u

LATEST WITH THE MUELLER REPORT

The name is the game is 'subpoena':

House Democrats are ramping up subpoena threats and pushing forward with multiple investigations of the Trump administration. http://bit.ly/2U8cjz8

Why: Democrats are adopting an aggressive posture after the special counsel investigation cleared President Trump.

Examples: "The chairman of the House Oversight and Reform Committee intensified a fight over White House security clearances on Monday, while the House Judiciary Committee announced it would vote Wednesday on authorizing a subpoena to compel the release of Mueller's full report and underlying evidence to Congress."

REACTION FROM THE PREZ:

President Trump tweeted that Democrats are "unhinged." Full tweet: "Robert Mueller was a God-like figure to the Democrats, until he ruled No Collusion in the long awaited $30,000,000 Mueller Report. Now the Dems don't even acknowledge his name, have become totally unhinged, and would like to go through the whole process again. It won't happen!" http://bit.ly/2TPAVYH

HOW A WHITE HOUSE WHISTLEBLOWER HAS CREATED A SECURITY CLEARANCE HEADACHE:

Via The Hill's Niall Stanage: http://bit.ly/2CR9AiT

NOTABLE TWEETS

What a waste of a great idea...:

http://bit.ly/2I8mDjI

BREAKING: The US Open to add puppies to the ballperson team at the 2019 tournament for the first time.



All breeds welcome. pic.twitter.com/Yu5ySEhriF — US Open Tennis (@usopen) April 1, 2019

April Fools' Day is disappointing.

SPONSORED CONTENT - KIDNEY CARE PARTNERS

The rate of individuals reaching kidney failure is declining, and those on dialysis are living longer, spending less time in hospitals and reducing costs to our nation’s health care system. Learn more.

ON TAP

The House and Senate are in. President Trump and Vice President Pence are in Washington, D.C.

1 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence meets with family members of six Citgo executives who are currently detained by the Maduro government in Venezuela.

1:15 p.m. EDT: First votes in the House.

1:45 p.m. EDT: President Trump meets with the secretary general of NATO and holds an expanded bilateral meeting.

7 p.m. EDT: President Trump attends the National Republican Congressional Committee Annual Spring Dinner at the National Building Museum in Washington, D.C.

Today: Equal Pay Day. Op-ed: http://bit.ly/2IbKjnj

Wednesday: Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen Kirstjen Michele NielsenDHS IG won't investigate after watchdog said Wolf, Cuccinelli appointments violated law Appeals court sides with Trump over drawdown of immigrant protections Democrats smell blood with new DHS whistleblower complaint MORE visits the border. http://bit.ly/2JYK0i4

April 10–12: House Democrats hold their annual retreat at the Lansdowne Resort in Leesburg, Va. Notable speakers: Singer John Legend, his wife Chrissy Teigen and Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell. http://bit.ly/2HSH7xh

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day.

Happening tonight -- Bryce who?:

Via Washingtonian's Michael Schaffer, "Should We Boo Bryce Harper?: An investigation." Here are the arguments for polite applause, silence and booing. http://bit.ly/2YKJDuI