(Europe) An Iceberg Twice the Size of Luxembourg Breaks Off of Antarctica

(Southern United States) An Iceberg the Size of What We Omit from Textbooks Breaks Off of Antarctica

(Boston) An Iceberg the Size of Crowbar Frankie’s Rap Sheet Breaks Off of Antarctica

(Portland, Ore.) A Physical Manifestation of White Entitlement Breaks Off of Antarctica

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(Boca Raton, Fla.) An Iceberg the Length of Pearl’s Bathroom Break During the Bridge Game Breaks off of Antarctica

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(Southern California) Why It’s Now Okay to Put Ice Cubes in Your Chardonnay

(Northern California) An Iceberg Bigger than Snapchat’s IPO Breaks Off of Antarctica

(Canada) An Iceberg the Size of the Wall We’re Secretly Thinking About Building on the Southern Border Breaks off of Antarctica

(New York City) An Iceberg with Unfortunately No Vacant Apartments Breaks Off of Antarctica

(New Jersey) An Iceberg the Size of the Potholes in the George Washington Bridge Breaks off of Antarctica; Chris Christie Claims Ice for His Family’s Daiquiri Party

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(England) Massive Iceberg Breaks off of Antarctica; Theresa May Plans Vote on Banning it from Melting in English Waters

(Washington, D.C.) An Iceberg the Size of Delaware Breaks off of Antarctica (Seriously, Delaware is Bigger than We Thought — Why Are We Still Living Near The White House?)

(North Korea) Iceberg Submits to Glorious Leader Kim Jong Un’s Order to Break Off of Antarctica