Mario Kart 8 Deluxe wasted no time winning over fans’ hearts. Even though it was just an expanded version of the original game from the Wii U, the re-release has proved itself a serious contender for the ultimate, definitive Mario Kart experience. It lit up the sales charts, recently eclipsing the lifetime sales of the Wii U original, and solidified itself as the second highest selling piece of Nintendo Switch software with 9.2 million copies sold.

It’s been a full year since Mario Kart 8 Deluxe launched, which means we’ve had 365+ days to once again race to our hearts content, experiencing the very best the game has to offer…and also the very worst. By now, we know full well what courses drive (!) us nuts whenever they’re picked. Last year, we here at The Geekiverse named our ten best courses from the game. This time around, we’re naming those stages that we just can’t warm up to, no matter how much time passes.

10. Rainbow Road

It doesn’t sound right that an iteration of Rainbow Road could ever find its way onto this list, but Mario Kart 8’s unique iteration doesn’t live up to the pedigree of the most iconic Mario Kart course. The metallic roads and satellite inspiration don’t offer the same blast of color and spectacle that had become a staple in Rainbow Roads throughout the years. Without much visual grandeur, it just feels unmemorable. That rotating section in the middle is also one giant buzzkill, slowly down the momentum of the race on what should be the most epic of all Mario Kart tracks.

9. Mario Circuit

If you’re going to have a basic figure eight layout (in anything other than the first cup, no less), you need to add plenty of visual flair to make up for that bland design. Mario Circuit doesn’t have that. The Mushroom Kingdom theme with a few Goombas and Piranha Plants laying around had been done before, and beyond that, you can’t really take in too many other sights when half of the course is upside down. This was clearly meant to be a showcase for Mario Kart 8’s antigravity feature, but it feels meaningless when everything else about the level is so vanilla.

8. Grumble Volcano

Volcanic themed stages can still have plenty of personality, despite their limited environmental features, as proven by such Mario levels like Melty Molten Galaxy and Melty Monster Galaxy. Grumble Volcano has no personality, at all. It doesn’t even showcase much lava, instead sending you mostly over drab, brown rock. The crumbling terrain is a neat concept that definitely makes the track dynamic…and also very tedious. Many of the pathways aren’t particularly spacious, to begin with; removing entire chunks of your course as the race goes on only makes playing with upward of 12 drivers a headache.

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7. Cheese Land

Cheese Land is one of those annoying levels where the course constantly twists and turns, giving you only the rarest of opportunities to drive on a straightaway and build any kind of momentum. But that, alone, doesn’t make a bad level. Perhaps the biggest knock against Cheese Land is the taking of a hilarious name, and the potential for one of the most unique course aesthetics, and making it into yet another desert environment. Besides the fact that it makes no sense, it wastes the opportunity that could have come from a sprawling food-themed setting, or, better yet, something to tie into the age-old joke about the moon being made out of cheese. Dropping some big blocks of cheddar into the sand is a major misfire on the personality that could have been seen here.

6. Wario Stadium

A race on Wario Stadium is as messy as one of its many mud covered sections of the course. This was a track clearly built with up to 8 racers in mind, not as many as 12, like what you’ll often be racing with in Mario Kart 8. Its thin sections and lack of alternate paths don’t translate well to an increased number of participants, resulting in chaotic races that feel more like a demolition derbies, where your skill in operating a kart or bike becomes less meaningful. That vibe is sort of appropriate, given the dirt bike stadium setting it’s obviously going for. But even that aesthetic is lost when so much of the surroundings are blocked off by tall walls that crowd you onto the cloistered spaces.

5. Hyrule Circuit

A series as renowned as The Legend of Zelda deserves much better than a course this generic. With the decades of unique aesthetics, characters, and locales, why most of the Hyrule Circuit feels like your run-of-the-mill renaissance fair is a baffling blunder. There’s nothing remarkable about the layout, and the sights and sounds aren’t much better; simply tossing in the Master Sword in one spot, replacing coins with Rupees, and making Piranha Plants into Deku Babas doesn’t cut it. There was so much iconic imagery that could have celebrated The Legend of Zelda on this course, but Hyrule Circuit gives a listless effort in capturing the iconic series’ spirit.

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4. Super Bell Subway

How do you suck all of the levity and color out of Mario Kart? You stick the racers is a cramped tunnel that’s isolated from the outside world. With only a small portion of Super Bell Subway taking place in a brightly-lit terminal, the majority is a bland railway with no memorable aesthetics. There’s no personality to be found here, whatsoever. Adding to the issues is that the paths you can take are way too narrow or crowded for their own good, making most races a messy affair.

3. Donut Plains 3

An accurate description for the Donut Plains 3 basically exists in the name. If this track was an actual doughnut, it would be one of those plain ones with nothing on it. Not even a glaze or a few sprinkles of sugar. Everything about Donut Plains 3 is unmemorable, from its listless music track, to its flat, formless course (which snakes way too darn much), and an utter lack of any interesting imagery, whether on the course or beyond it. It also has a peculiar design choice with the last item block row laying so far from the finish line. Should you miss out on getting an item, which is more than possible when racing against 11 other players on this cramped, tiny course, you have no chance to make up any ground on the final third leg of the race.

2. Yoshi Circuit

Yoshi Circuit has two things going for it: really catchy theme music, and an amusing concept of being a literal outline of the character Yoshi. That’s it. Even the second positive is questionable, because the shape is the prime culprit for why racing here is one giant frustration. As it accurately follows Yoshi’s contours, the track hardly ever runs straight for more than a few paces. Not only does this rip away any possibility of going full speed, it also nerfs the usefulness of speed boost items. On top of all that, in following Yoshi’s shape, it has a very linear structure that forces you over a rigid, cramped path with only a couple of meager shortcuts to spice up your navigation.

1. Mute City

Big Blue is how you do an F-Zero track in Mario Kart right; Mute City is how you do it oh so wrong. The futuristic city in the background is hidden from view for a good portion of your laps when you’re trapped on the track’s narrow, often enclosed pathways, leaving just generic silvery metal and gaudy lights as your aesthetics at many points . It’s a serious contender for the most linear track of all time, not simply for its straightforward layout that’s scarce on alternate avenues, but also for what’s set up on on the course. The rows of boost pads funnel racers onto an extremely thin path, and there’s just not enough room when Mario Kart 8 allows for so many players, at once. The boost pads and their frequency also significantly reduce the effectiveness of boost-related items for a fair length of the track, meaning that a player will often get no help by collecting Mushrooms, a Star, a Potted Piranha Plant, etc.

You’re probably not happy with this list, and we understand that. You should be passionate about Mario Kart! If any of your favorite courses showed up here, we would be disappointed if you weren’t at least a little miffed! Let us know in the comments below what you thought we got right, or dead wrong.

Jeff Pawlak prides himself as being one of the most competitive Mario Kart players you’ll ever meet. Toad has always been his main man behind the wheel, but he’s not opposed to occasionally using Shy Guy, too. If you ever want to join him for a few races or a few battles in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, add him on the Nintendo Switch with his Friend Code SW-1774-4999-4185.

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