A downtown millennial’s outrage over the Standing Rock oil pipeline was interrupted by a brand new episode of Project Runway. Emily Dunn was getting ready to book a flight to join the protest in North Dakota, but reshuffled her priorities when she saw that the Project Runway challenge this week was making a dress from board game materials.

The protest at Standing Rock began when an oil company proposed building a potentially dangerous pipeline through the middle of an Indian Reservation. No one really knew what the Standing Rock protest was until the girl from Divergent got arrested there. Now millennials everywhere are attaching themselves to the struggle so they look cool on social media.

Even though she isn’t going to join the protest anymore, Emily wants everyone to know she still cares about the issue. “I want to declare my dedication to this cause and I’m willing sacrifice anything to prevent that pipeline from being built. That’s why I checked in at Standing Rock on Facebook. I was going to write a letter to my congressman, but I got bored a third of the way through.”

Tribal Indian Leader Daniel Powers would like to see less checking in on Facebook and get more actual support. “According to Facebook, there’s eight million people here, but there’s only like forty, and most of them are privileged white kids trying to take angry selfies next to cops. We’re getting more support from the buffalo around here. Please help us.”

Support for the Standing Rock protest is expected to continue until cool people on Instagram stop posting pictures about it. Millennial concern will shift to Saving Dolphins From Eating Carbs a few weeks from now when the guy from the new Marvel movie sends out a SnapChat about it.







