Mom: So when we come to Sydney can we stay at yours?

Mom: Hello?

Me: Oh. Sure. Well, actually there are a number of awesome hotels just a two minute walk from my house. I’ve just emailed you a bunch of links. Have a look! Am happy to book any of them for you. But, yeah, of course you are welcome to stay at mine, if you really want to.

Me: Mom?

Mom: You were welcome to stay in my uterus for nine months, and then my house for 17 years. But I understand, a week at your apartment might be a bit … much. :)

Me: Don’t you passive-aggressive-smile-face-ME, woman.

Mom: Fuck off. Love you – M.