I have seen people in various cities around the nation holding up “Jesus Saves” protest signs. I have also seen people carrying crosses down the side of the road. I remember thinking how I admired the passion those people had towards ministry. I admired their determination to stand outside all day or walk for miles carrying a cross on their back just so people will understand what Jesus did for them.

I saw one recently. He looked like so many others I have seen before. He had a cross propped up on his shoulder and was dragging the base behind him. I thought to myself “what a waste of time.” Days later in another town I saw a man holding up a “Jesus Saves” sign. It was similar in size and design to what someone on a picket line might carry. I saw him a few times, because I was in the same town for a few days. I could not help but thing “That poor guy is so deceived.”

I now ponder are those guys just deluded or could they actually be mentally ill? Are they just devote to their deity or are they mentally deficient? I bet both guys are really nice. Neither was screaming or ranting. They were peacefully trying to make a difference for Jesus.

I also realized that basically no one is going to see either guy and decide they need to repent of their sins and follow Jesus. People who were beeping their horns and giving them a big thumbs up were just glad to see someone else believed in the same god as themselves. They appreciated the sentiment. Most people I watched didn’t seem to really care, and I am sure the skeptics saw it as a useless waste of time.

I admire their passion, but it seems ridiculous for someone like myself to stand on the side of the road with a sign proclaiming “There is No God.” I want to be passionate about life and about living it. I want people to understand how to truly think objectively, but I don’t want to waste my time. Time is too precious.

I sit and wonder if my blog is my protest sign. Many of you “honk” and wish me well. Some take issue with what I say and won’t change the way they approach their own beliefs, and some probably don’t really care. I don’t want to waste my time.

I do not think I am wasting my time. It helps me to be able to express my thoughts and struggles. I have learned so much from many of you. (Thank you!) I also get an occasional response or message from someone who is also struggling with facing life in the light that their former faith was wrong. I have even had a couple people thank me for helping them.

I hope as I keep moving forward I can make a bigger difference. I hope to have the dedication those christians have. I hope I find a balance between passion for critical thinking, skepticism, and living life without wasting time or speaking to those who won’t listen or think for themselves.

I hope I can dispel the illusion of a personal god others hold.

-The Disillusionist