Dear SJW Leftists who make up new "phobias" on a bi-weekly basis,

I know it's super popular right now to call everything racism. This morning I put a bit of milk into my coffee. I made it "less black." Racism. Who am I to whitewash my coffee? I'm calling the ACLU to get me into a re-education program. #BlackCoffeeMatters.

If you think that's going down the rabbit hole of "that makes zero sense" then congratulations, you've grasped my point. Islam is a belief system, it isn't a race. Being alarmed by the tenets of that belief system doesn't make me a "racist" any more than putting cream in my coffee makes me a white supremacist. Plus, I often drink tea instead. Of course, that's only to assert my privilege over the historically problematic Indian tea trade, but I digress.

Now we've established everyone who says "being against Islam makes you a racist," is two sashays away from being a retard, we can move on to debunking the more recent accusation: "Islamophobia." Side note: CAIR has an entire website dedicated to Islamophobia. CAIR, by the way? They're terrorist sympathizers. Yes really. We call that a "conflict of interest."

Before we move onto the funny, let's do a little etymological exercise. For those of you who've been educated by a Teacher's Union foot soldier (or if you were too busy being molested by one), that means we're going to discuss what the word "Islamophobia" means.

Islam= one of the three major monotheistic religions (in fact the "newest" monotheistic religion, after Judaism and Christianity) founded in the 7th century AD in the Arabian peninsula. From my dictionary: "The ritual observances and moral code of Islam were said to have been given to Muhammad as a series of revelations, which were codified in the Koran." Islam is also well-known for its mistreatment of women, the belief that infidels (non-Muslims) must die, and a tendency for factions of Islam to blow people up. Not anecdotal evidence, but purely observable, substantiated data. Allahu Akbar, bitches.

Lest you call me a racist bigot, here be some polls from Pew Research...

Okay... those are a little scary, yes? One more before we go. I promise this will tie it all together. The above polls are about Sharia law, right? Fine, but if you say only Muslims think Muslims should abide by Sharia law, then we have problems. Because this...

Told you so.

Contrast Islam with a "Phobia:" an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.

Ummm... okay, so if you're afraid of something benign, that's extreme or irrational. Like pickles. Some people actually have a fear of pickles. If you can't sleep at night because there are pickles in your refrigerator, you're being irrational and need to seek help. Fair?

Another one is lepidopterophobia, the fear of butterflies. Probably tied more to a fear of moths, which in a world post Silence of the Lambs isn't all that crazy. Still, the worst thing a butterfly or moth is going to do to you is... Yeah, I actually can't think of anything. A moth might ruin your polyester suit you wore to that 60's theme costume party. That doesn't warrant fear, it warrants applause. You're no Don Draper. Moths did you a favor.

Islam, however, calls for the extermination of non-Muslims. Allow me to clarify. Islam's holiest prophet, Muhammad, specifically called for the extermination of non-Muslims. Several times. In graphic detail. See, I don't have an irrational fear of pickles. I have (what I will argue is a healthy) fear of murderers. Specifically, murderers who've already, very publicly declared that they want to murder me. And you. And pretty much everyone who checks "other" when provided with a Muslim census.

Allow me to put forward a novel idea. It's not irrational to fear having your head chopped off. I know, I know but before you send your hate tweets to me (@Scrowder of course), allow me to explain.

"But ISIS is extreme," you say? Maybe. Or maybe they're not. After all, 42 MILLION Muslims admit publicly to supporting ISIS (read 42 Million Muslims Support ISIS). Considering that these are only members of the focus group who felt comfortable raising their hand for a terrorist organization in public, it begs the question, how many Muslims support ISIS secretly, doesn't it?

But back to the crux of Islam: Muhammad (terrorism be upon him). It's undeniable that the man was a hateful, warmongering, wife-beating pedophile whose dying words were that of calling for the deaths of Christians and Jews. If you, if anyone, dares draw that festering pile of puke, some Islamist will try to kill you, as what happened last year in Garland, Texas (read Dear Muslims: Why Am I Drawing Muhammad? Because Go Screw Yourselves...). According to Muslims' own words and laws, it's totally fine to kill someone who slanders the prophet Muhammad (terrorism be upon him). Read Moderate Muslims: Their Own Words and Laws... Christians, on the other hand, don't kill people for depicting Jesus. Even in comedic fashion.

lol, fish Jesus.

No one died in the production of that GIF. Not even the fish. It's Jesus.

Even if pickles multiply exponentially, the chances of any pickles popping open their jar (plenty of humans can't even do that), inch-worming down the hall and suicide-bombing you in your sleep are very slim. One could argue almost unheard of. That's an irrational fear. You're pickle-phobic. Seek help.

But global terrorism, as performed by ISIS and other Islamic groups, is on the rise:

The State Department’s annual, congressionally-mandated global terrorism report found nearly 33,000 people were killed in about 13,500 terror attacks across the world in 2014. By comparison, in 2013, there were a reported 18,000 deaths amid nearly 10,000 terror acts. Terrorism-associated kidnappings nearly tripled, going up from 3,137 in 2013 to 9,428 in 2014, the report said.

Reading numbers is hard. So, behold, a chart:

Having a healthy fear of the belief system which fuels terrorists? Not irrational. You're more likely to be killed in a bombing or mass shooting ala San Bernardino by a Muslim terrorist than you are being decapitated by a pickle.

Therefore, being wary, cautious or even so-called "afraid" of Islam isn't "phobic." It's rational. It's the end result of a long line of critical reasoning. Islam seeks to destroy our way of life, our freedoms, to enslave us in their beliefs.

If I'm honest... that ideology kind of, sort of, is maybe... just a little bit scary.

Co-written by Steven Crowder and Courtney Kirchoff