Once in a blue moon, the seven stars of the Pleiades align and automotive journalists become accidental travel writers. Last month, Subaru invited a troupe of American journalists to Tierra del Fuego, ostensibly to recreate an episode of "Top Gear" — the one in which angry Argentinians eject the show's cast and crew because host Jeremy Clarkson drove a Porsche 928 with plates that appeared to reference the Falklands War of 1982.

Our agenda, which included stays at several resort hotels across Argentinean and Chilean Patagonia, would offer much less in terms of conflict. Unless, that is, you include the difficulty in finding vegetarian meal options in meat-rich Patagonia. Some of the herbivores among us even ordered guanaco for dinner by mistake. A limber and quick South American member of the camel family, guanaco meat was described as "dry and flavorless." In the wild, guanacos are quick, skittish animals that tend to dart in front of cars, like deer.

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

This was the scene that greeted us upon arriving at Hotel Eolo in El Calafate. We would end up in Ushuaia, Argentina, three days and 1,000 kilometers of mostly dirt and gravel roads later. The drive itself was like riding around in mobile washing machines set on heavy-duty spin cycles: Noisy, vibration-y, and harsh. Occasionally, a rock bounced off the underbody with a loud bang, eliciting a yelp of surprise from driver or passenger. This was not luxury travel, but it was effective and methodical; all-wheel drive is great at keeping all Subarus directionally neutral on slippery terrain.

See all 103 photos

The following is a list of what stood out most on our road trip from Buenos Aires to Ushuaia.

1. Subaru plans really cool press trips.

See all 103 photos

Subaru PR invited us on what it said was a trip "to the ends of the Earth," and that wasn't far from the truth. We drove from the Torres del Paine National Park in Chile through Patagonia and Tierra del Fuego, Argentina. That's as far south as you can get before reaching the Antarctic. Stunning scenery and extreme driving ensued.

2. Subarus are almost nonexistent in Argentina.

See all 103 photos

From El Calafate, we drove 1,000 kilometers to the southernmost city in the world, Ushuaia, Argentina, to verify that there are indeed few Subarus in the country. Fuji Heavy Industries, the manufacturer of Subaru cars, doesn't currently sell cars in Argentina despite much of the country's striking resemblance to Alaska, Colorado, the Pacific Northwest, and New England, all Subaru hot spots. Our test fleet of Foresters, Outbacks, and XV Crosstreks was imported from Chile.

3. This is the closest thing to a Subaru we could find in Buenos Aires.

See all 103 photos

With its rough patina and missing side window, the appropriately named Citroën Ami 6 Break, looks like a Subaru XV Crosstrek after a few days on Patagonian roads. The Ami 6 Break would send 27 horsepower through its front wheels if it had front wheels. The XV Crosstrek's 2.0-liter engine sends 148 horsepower through all four wheels. (The hybrid version adds 12 horsepower.)

4. Subaru has no new products to market in 2016.

See all 103 photos

The lack of new Subarus would normally make for a quiet year in the automotive press. The Foresters, Outbacks, and XV Crosstreks Subaru available now are all carryover models with barely any changes, save for a few electronic upgrades like the addition of a Starlink infotainment system.

5. Subaru of America is an official sponsor of Find Your Park.

See all 103 photos

Find Your Park is a website and awareness campaign of the National Park Service. Still, the company—flush with an unused PR budget and not satisfied merely with helping Americans find parks in their own country—invited a group of U.S. journalists on a tour of national parks in South America.

6. Perito Moreno Glacier

See all 103 photos

One of only three growing Patagonian glaciers, dams Argentino Lake until pressure from the rising water forces the glacier to rupture in spectacular fashion every four or five years. The last rupture was on March 2, 2012. In our hourlong visit to this tourist attraction, we witnessed several large chunks of ice slough off and form icebergs in the lake. In itself, the thunderous sound of a glacier breaking is worth a trip to Patagonia.

7. "The [XV] Crosstrek is basically a lifted Impreza. "

See all 103 photos

Michael McHale, Subaru's communications chief, admits the similarities between the two Subarus. Still, that fact doesn't hurt sales. "We didn't want the Crosstrek, but [the Japanese] were right," McHale says. "They're always right."

See all 103 photos

8. Patagonian dirt roads are rocky.

See all 103 photos

Some journalists learned this the hard way in a Forester with overinflated tires when they blew a tire and were forced to change it.

9. Subaru knows how to make a car drive on dirt.

See all 103 photos

Buy a Subaru WRX rally car. With its all-wheel-drive system, superior wheel articulation, and off-road racing tires, it's the perfect car for almost any situation. If a WRX rally car is not an option due to its limited cargo capacity, however, and you must settle for a more mainstream vehicle, pay attention: When traversing rough gravel roads, underinflate your tires by 8-10 psi, and drive at moderate speeds. The increased contact patches will provide superior traction and allow you to maneuver around unexpected obstacles such as potholes and large rocks.

10. Patagonia frustrates even Garmin GPS.

See all 103 photos

Like Hertz rentals, our Subaru test cars were equipped with aftermarket Garmins affixed to their windshields. For the most part, the Garmins worked well. Occasionally, however, they would say, "The route is too long. Navigation instructions will be added as you approach the destination." Periodically, vibrations created by the gravel roads would shake the charger loose, and we'd lose direction. The navigator's main job was to make sure the Garmin's charge cord didn't pop out, which isn't easy when you're busy gripping the door handle and muttering last words.

11. Subaru alarms are good puma repellant.

See all 103 photos

This according to the Torres del Paine National Park visitor's handout, "Coming Across Pumas."

"If you encounter a puma, remain calm. Stay away, do not run, and move back slowly, looking into its eyes. Remain upright; try to appear that you are larger than the animal."

Easily accomplished in a Forester, its tall windshield providing occupants an upright seating position and commanding views over nearby pumas.

"Make loud noises."

Again, not a problem with Subaru's Chilean alarm systems.

"If walking with children, take them up into your arms and prevent them from running."

If they are not your children, you might use them as a barrier between yourself and the puma.

"If a puma is feeding or is accompanied by its young, it may be very dangerous. Do not disturb or meddle in its natural behavior."

I wouldn't dream of meddling with a puma's meal.

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos

See all 103 photos