As I sit and analyze where I am right now in life I find myself getting depressed! I heard a song on XM the other day that really spoke to me.

I just wanna be happy…but if I keep on doing the things…that keep on bringing me pain…there’s NOone else I can blame if I’m not happy! – Kirk Franklin

Too often we blame others for things that go wrong in our lives but if we take a moment to look at things a little closer, then we will realize that we are giving others too much power over our happiness. The real person who deserves ALL the blame is us!!

That may not sound good but once things turn around, whomever we’re blaming for our misery…will we credit them for our happiness as well?! Probably not! If we’re constantly blaming others for everything that goes wrong we will never change!!

I’m currently in the worst rut I’ve been in since starting this journey! This time it’s not just solely about my weight, I have other life issues getting in the way was well. Some that are totally within my control and I can only blame me and others that I have to turn to God for and trust that He knows what’s best and will work it out.

So, while I’m waiting on Him to do what He needs to…I’m gonna get out of His way and mine…look at what is causing me so much unhappiness…figure out what “I” can do to fix it…stop blaming others…and focus being the best me I can be!

What are my issues? Well let’s see…fitness, weight, household duties and LIFE.

Fitness – Since getting sick I’ve been struggling to find my motivation to do anything. Let’s be honest… I was already feeling over it…prior to getting sick…like I needed a break but this is NOT what I had in mind. Since I started running, I’ve always had something HUGE on my fitness calendar (marathon, Triathon, etc) that kept me moving/motivated. I feared if I stopped, I wouldn’t start back. So…here I find myself…right where I feared I’d be. No motivation to do anything. Only difference between how I feel now and how I felt before starting my journey is then I didn’t really think about it. It wasn’t a part of me…now it is and I want to want to but I just don’t want to. Make sense? Lol. Not to mention…I’m not 100% back to health and I’m reminded of that every time I try to run and struggle to run a mile without stopping.

Weight – well, my fitness motivation or lack thereof is causing me to be depressed and I’m allowing myself to eat my emotions. Nothing I’m proud of but the truth hurts and that’s the truth. I’ve been eating uncontrollable…avoiding the scale and making myself more miserable.

Household – I’m completely overwhelmed with EVERYTHING…kids are back in school and that forces me into a routine but I just can’t seem to get caught up on household things. Things I once blamed on the fact that I was training and didn’t have time to do…now…I have nothing to blame it on other than the fact that…oh wait…I’m depressed. I can blame it on THAT! No, but seriously, I can do a better job with delegating and managing the household…I don’t have to do EVERYTHING…I am the manager of my home…I need to manage better. Work smarter…not harder! In order for me to do that…I have to accept that the things the little people do may not be the way I would do them…but they will be done!

Life – yeah…I’m only so transparent. 😉 just pray for me. 🙂

So…once I look at all of those things in my life that are not going as planned there is one person who can make it all better. ME! One day at a time. One workout at a time. One meal at a time. One load (laundry) at a time.

I did NOT get here over night and I can’t expect everything to fall back into place over night. I cannot control what others do but I can control what I can do and it’s time for me to make some changes because I’m NOT happy this way!



Question…do you blame others for your unhappiness? Could you be responsible?