THE EU has confirmed that it would be delighted to deal with the Brexit ‘Dream Team’ of Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Jacob Rees-Mogg.

EU negotiator Michel Barnier admitted that a prime minister completely beholden to the City’s every desire, a deputy skilled at explaining away catastrophic failure and a chancellor of the exchequer from the mid-19th Century would be perfect.

He added: “Johnson is the guy who was pro-Brexit until the very last minute and is desperately trying to save his career? Yes, I could absolutely work with that.

“Gove I only know as the man who whose very touch turns everything to shit. A sort of ‘Shit-Midas’. That is very useful experience for these negotiations.

“And Mr Rees-Mogg does not seem to be aware of the existence of microchips and still refers to Sri Lanka as ‘Ceylon’. Who better?”