NEW SALEM, ND — “He’s breaking my heart,” said Deborah Pugh upon learning that Star Wars performer Hayden Christensen would charge extra for reshooting a short video meant as a surprise for her husband. The 34-year old dental student had booked Christensen via celeb shout out service Cameo to help celebrate her husband Sandy’s 40th birthday.

“He absolutely loves the prequels. So I thought getting the guy who played Anakin to say something clever would be the ultimate birthday gift. But what came back was just unusable. Maybe it was my direction…I mean there’s only so much you can do via email though.”

The 92-second video featured Christensen saluting Sandy and inviting his friends and family to a Star Wars-themed backyard beach bash. Simple enough, especially for an experienced actor, however Pugh added a few “zingers” to her script that Christensen could not deliver with the appropriate timing in character as Anakin Skywalker.

“I wrote a few lines that used classic prequel memes… stuff like… ‘I hate sand… but I love Sandy’ and this other one about his party… ‘The men, the women, the children… I invited them all!’ but Hayden didn’t really perform them the way I imagined. He was monotone throughout the whole thing… like he was just going through the motions. It’s weird to say this, but the guy felt completely wrong for the role that made him famous.”

Disappointed with the initial video, Pugh thought maybe she could provide a round of honest but gentle feedback via email but was met with resistance.

“I sent him a sample video of myself reading the lines the way I wanted him to, but Hayden never replied. Instead, I got an email from a Cameo rep, informing me that a reshoot would be very costly — nearly $1,000 on top of the $60 I already paid! Apparently, they would need to involve a director and hire a stand-in actor to position themselves by the camera, because Hayden was struggling to imagine his phone’s camera as my husband.”

Pugh expressed her dissatisfaction to the service in a tersely worded email, where she stated Christensen’s reshoot conditions were unreasonable. In hindsight, Pugh thinks she should have chosen Daniel Logan, the actor who played young Boba Fett in Attack of the Clones.

“Logan would have saved me $10 — and a lot of heartache,” said Pugh.

Despite her unhappiness, Pugh still plans to use the video, albeit a modified version.

“My little cousin is going to add some gifs and a snapchat filter to make it a bit more watchable. I hope Sandy still gets a kick out of it.”

Screencap of Hayden’s video message modified by Mrs. Pugh’s little cousin.

Sadly, Christensen has since left Cameo. For those still in need of a Star Wars celeb shout out, your alternatives include Logan, Greg Grunberg, Dominic Monaghan, and our personal favorite Christopher Sean.

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—William “Willybobo” Bobo