Mum and Dad just informed me that they have already begun looking for a new home to purchase. Why they have not included me in this matter up until now is beyond me. In fact, I am thoroughly disappointed in them for not doing so, as I have some valuable input to contribute when it comes to choosing a home.

Being a celebrity, you might expect that I would have a rather extravagant, expensive taste. Maybe this is why Mum and Dad refrained from telling me about it, yet luckily this is not the case. I definitely have my opinions, but I’m not expecting anything too over the top – not at this stage anyway.

So, what am I looking for in a house? That’s a good question.

I’ll start by saying that normally I would just rather have a house in the country, but I know Mum and Dad are looking to buy a place close to the city – and besides, I have my summer/winter vacation home that I can retreat to at any time (above). See also my post on comparing the country dog to city dog lifestyle.

So to start…

Well, I would say large, bay windows are a must. I want to have a full view of outside my house – for 2 reasons: keeping guard for intruders and keeping watch for babes. The windows should also be facing due west and east so that I have maximum sunshine to lay in. That’s very important, because being a celebrity I need to make sure my tan is always up to par. Get it? I’m a black and tanned dachshund ; )

Secondly, I would like a yard and a balcony all to myself. At our current condo we don’t have a balcony, which is very annoying because it means I have to ask Mum whenever I want to go outside. Yet, the yard we have now is pretty good, even if it is ‘shared’. Here’s Oakley enjoying a ball..

I would also like to have my own doggy playroom, where I can keep all my toys and treats, and with a little entertainment setup where I can bring chicks to hang out – with a little privacy from Mum and Dad of course.

This room could also be my ‘celebrity room’, with a white-backdrop and camera lights to act as my own personal photo studio.

Then I would also like a very long, straight hallway so Dad can throw the ball for me. We have this hall in our current condo building that Dad uses to throw the monkey, but we can’t do that too often. This lady down the hall doesn’t like it very much.. although as you can see, I’m hard to resist ; )

Another thing I would like, which I have never seen done before, is to have a doggy peep-hole or small window in the front door. Why is it only humans who get to see who’s there? I need to be able to see who’s on the other side of the door, so whether it’s the mailman, the pizza guy, or the dishwasher-instal guy, I can be ready to bite their ankles off.

Now those are a few inside-the-house-related criteria I have, but I also have a fair amount pertaining to the neighborhood as well.

For one, it would be great if there was a thriving population of squirrels in the area. I would also prefer a cat-unfriendly neighborhood, if that exists.

Second is something I noticed one day when driving through a small neighborhood with Oakley. We were on our way to the park, but took a short detour through a neighborhood we had never been in before. We turned the corner and right there walking down the sidewalk was a team of wired-hair dachshunds and their owner. I immediately deemed this to be an unsafe area.

So I told Mum to make sure that for whatever house we’re interested in, we ask the seller if they’ve seen many wired-hairs in the area. I need to know if I should be locking my doors at night. They are not to be trusted at all costs. Not sure why I don’t trust wired-hairs? Find out here.

Essentially, if we could just find a place that looked and functioned something like the below picture, but with enough room for Mum and Dad to live below, I think we’ll be all set.

So anyway, I asked Mum and Dad why they really wanted to buy a new place. Dad went off on this tangent about investments and junk, while Mum said it was for the pure reason that she would like enough room to get a second wiener dog! Not sure how I feel about that yet..

What do you think? Am I missing anything? Let me know on Facebook or in the comments section : )

Keep ballin’,

~ Crusoe

My New Book! Featuring my worldly travels far and wide, from Europe to Mexico and more, and the whole story of my surgery and recovery! Rated 5 stars on Amazon! Get Yours!

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