Ok, so as I had previously mentioned, I am laying off the carbs.

I wouldn’t really call it a diet, a. because I am eating a shit ton of food, and b. Andy is the one hell bent on losing weight because he’s freaking out that he is on belt buckle hole number four OMG and since I am the one who cooks around these parts, I’m doing my part to make him feel pretty, so low carb it is.

This is me being supportive, I’m eating bacon OUT OF LOVE.

As an interesting side note, to date, I have lost 35lbs. It’s stupid easy, as in, I’m opening my mouth and putting food into it. So, mystery solved. I lost weight because of meat, but fully intend to gain it back the second I come across a Pizza Hut breadstick (I can’t say no, you guys, I think there’s crack in the seasoning).

But, I know a lot of people do low carb, and I have gotten a lot of questions, mainly, OMG WHAT ARE YOU EATING THIS SUCKS, so I decided to touch on a few low carb points and meal ideas that have worked for Andy and I, with the disclosure that I am in no way a doctor, I haven’t read a single low carb book, I have no idea what Atkins/South Beach/Paleo is, and I am in no way responsible for your health.

1. I’m hungry.

OMG me too! But to be fair, I’m always hungry. Here’s how you fix that, eat more. I know, right? Stock your fridge with carb friendly items so that when you are hungry or get a craving to eat an entire cake, you can eat that stuff instead. Here are some of my favorites:

Cheese sticks (I love Land O Lakes Colby cheese squares)

Beef Jerky

Cashews with Sea Salt

Oven Roasted Turkey Slices

Celery sticks sprinkled with Sea Salt (weird, but it’s good)

Hard Boiled Eggs

Celery with Buffalo Chicken Dip

Sugar Free Jello Cups (Black Cherry and Strawberry are the best, for a dessert treat, top with a small spoonful of full fat whipped cream)

Lots and lots of Diet Pepsi

2. Ugh, I can’t live on steak and bacon.

First of all, what’s wrong with you, those are two of the best foods ever, and second, you need to broaden your palette, because there are tons of foods out there that are low in carbs. But, I get it, it’s hard to low carb menu plan, so I spent a week taking pictures of my food. Let’s take a peek at some ideas.



Pan seared steak, mushrooms, onions and zucchini sauteed in a touch of soy sauce and sesame seeds, and green beans with Parmesan cheese.

Check out my pan searing tutorial here! Also, buy a cast iron pan, it’s, hands down, one of your best investments, because the crust meat gets from a cast iron pan is better than oral sex, when done correctly, I swear. This meal, along with all the meals below, are one pan meals. Once your steak is finished, let it rest to the side, and toss in your veggies with a few splashes of soy sauce and some sesame seeds. When they are cooked through, set aside aside, add some butter and saute your green beans, seasoned with salt pepper and some fresh garlic, top with Parmesan cheese.



Eggs over-easy, sausage links and sauteed red cabbage.

Cook your sausage (I use Bob Evans, Original flavor) over medium heat until done, remove and then toss in some butter and half a head of chopped red cabbage, sprinkle with salt and pepper, cover to cook down over medium high heat, turning every so often as to not burn. Once it’s soft and cooked through, remove, add more butter, and fry up three eggs to your taste, I love them runny and then covered in hot sauce!



Asian chicken and cashew salad.

Ok, this is just plain easy, I got some bagged salad, a bag of pre-cooked chicken strips, and Newman’s Own Sesame Ginger salad dressing, tossed it in a bowl, and topped with 2 sliced hard boiled eggs and a few cashews, makes for a lovely lunch.



Tilapia and cheesy cauliflower casserole.

I’ve fallen in love with pan seared Tilapia, and I refuse to live in a world without a giant frozen bag of it in my freezer. This tilapia is seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic salt, and sauteed in butter, about 5 minutes on each side, then topped with Parmesan cheese and fresh squeezed lemon juice. The cheesy cauliflower casserole is something I have since perfected, and will be posting the recipe for tomorrow. It’s orgasmic.



Pan seared chicken and soy vegetable stir fry.

Again, these are just pan seared chicken tenderloins (they cook faster than full breasts), and some pan cooked zucchini, bean sprouts, onion, mushrooms and cashews, seasoned with a couple splashes of soy sauce and some fresh garlic.



Surf’N Turf Take 1.

This is a pan seared ribeye. I seasoned some thawed raw, large peeled and deveined shrimp with half a tablespoon of Ranch dressing mix (trust me, it’s heaven) and some minced garlic, and while the steak was resting, I sauteed the shrimp in the pan with some butter, and again, served it with sauteed green beans.



Surf’N Turf Take 2.

You know the drill, this is my pan seared ribeye and tilapia recipe from above, it’s amazing!



Pan cooked green beans.

This is, obviously, a go-to side for us, mostly because it’s easy and delicious! Buy some steam-in-the-bag green beans; that makes sauteing them in the pan after you steam them a much quicker process. We saute ours with butter, salt and pepper, and minced garlic, and often top them with Parmesan cheese or fresh squeezed lemon juice, toss some sliced mushrooms in there for even more flavor. Grab a store bought rotisserie chicken and you have yourself a super fast meal!



Stuffed Mushrooms.

This is Andy’s favorite. Mix: 1/4 cup of crumbled sausage (I like Jimmy Dean Pre-cooked Sausage Crumbles), 1 tbsp minced garlic, 1 chopped red pepper, 8 oz Cream Cheese (not low fat!), 1 egg yolk, 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese, and 1/2 chopped onion together in a bowl, once mixed, allow to chill in the fridge for about 20 minutes, it makes filling the caps WAY easier. Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees, and on a cookie sheet lined with foil or parchment paper, fill the large white mushroom caps with the stuffing. Cook for about 15 minutes, or until the cheese is melted and golden brown. Then…DEVOUR.

Need more ideas? We also love:

Omelet experimentation, our current fave is a southwest omelet with red and orange peppers, leftover grilled steak and sharp cheddar

Brats covered in sauerkraut, sauteed red peppers and onions, and spicy mustard

Grilled Kababs (Steak, Chicken, Shrimp with veggies)

Dread eating out?

Cracker Barrel has an entire Low Carb menu for breakfast lunch and dinner, I KNOW, I can’t believe, either.

Head for Steakhouses and opt for steak and grilled shrimp, and sub the starchy sides for salads with ranch and veggies

Outback Steakhouse. 10 oz ribeye, grilled shrimp, grilled asparagus.

Breakfast for dinner. Who doesn’t love breakfast for dinner?! Find a place that serves all day and have a big plate of eggs, sausage and bacon!

Buffets. I hate germs, too, but buffets make low carb’ing it super easy. I just got home from a week long road trip, and my kids craved the OMG CHOCOLATE WATERFALL from Golden Corral more times than I want to admit.

Golden Corral. 1/2 rotisserie chicken, caesar salad, deviled eggs and some steamed cauliflower with sea salt. Lather, rinse repeat, as much as you want.

Restaurant lifesaver? I love the CarbsControl app for my iPhone. It has a HUGE restaurant list with full menus and carb counts. Andy could pick out his meals before getting there, so there was no heavy sighing and menu frustration (he’s essentially an angsty teenager)!

3. I’m craving bread.

Yeah, that’s normal. I will not sugar coat this for you, it’s going to suck ass for a good 3-4 weeks. It’s like cocaine withdrawal…only with tortillas and french fries. Once you get past that mark, it gets insanely easy. I just kept telling myself, dude, I went a whole day without eating carbs, and it sucked, so why would I eat a donut now and ruin a whole day’s worth of suffering. I imagine it’s exactly how everyone in the Bible felt.

Want even more ideas, follow my Ok fine, Low Carb board on Pinterest!

More Low Carb Recipes:

Cheesy Cauliflower Casserole (better than sex)

Shanghai Cucumbers (oh, you’re welcome)

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