(And no, Tom Six, your opinion does not fucking count.)

Pauli forgot to mail you the complimentary brain bleach, so this would probably be a good time to watch a cat video or something. Here he is on Facebook and Twitter.

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Psst ... want to give us feedback on the super-secret beta launch of the upcoming Cracked spinoff site, Braindrop? Well, simply follow us behind this curtain. Or, you know, click here: Braindrop.

Learn why severed feet are washing up on the shores of British Columbia in The 5 Creepiest Unsolved Crimes Nobody Can Explain, and check out a homicide that still stumps the FBI to this day in 23 Creepy Unsolved Mysteries Nobody Can Explain.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see why Pokemon crime will never be solved in The Despicable Crime Behind Every 'Pokemon' Game | 8-Bits, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

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Also follow us on Facebook, because our ex might see and we're hoping it makes them jealous.

Did you know cats modeled their "meow" after the cries of human babies, just because they knew us humans care about that noise? Did you know dogs can read your mind (emotionally), and live in constant suspicion that you know where the good food is (you totally do)? In the next LIVE episode of the Cracked Podcast, host Jack O'Brien leads Cracked's team of pet-loving/fearing comedians through all the ways our dogs and cats are more powerful, creepy, and awesome than we ever could have imagined. Jack will be joined by Carmen Angelica, Dan O'Brien, Alex Schmidt, and Jake Weisman at the UCB Sunset Theatre on Wednesday, March 9, at 7 p.m. Purchase your tickets here!