ABC

Brad and Michelle, enjoying a good stare.

Hi. Welcome to my weekly recap of “The Bachelor,” a new feature I’m kicking off just in time to be several weeks late.

But, really, what better time than a manufactured holiday to enjoy a little manufactured romance? Never. There is literally no better time.

First, we have some catching up to do …

Our bachelor, Brad Womack, undeterred by a one failed attempt at finding everlasting love in the most reliable place possible — i.e. ABC reality TV — is back to give it a second shot. I didn’t watch Brad’s first season (Season 11), but here’s what I’ve learned about him this go-round: he is weird. Shifty, but also unsettlingly earnest. Small eyes. Even smaller personality. And like every other bachelor/bachelorette in the history of this program, he’s completely and inexplicably irresistible to everyone in his orbit. Also, he has a very large and unfortunate cross tattooed on his back, and gets to show it off a lot, because if there’s anything this show’s producers like more than sending these people on helicopter rides, it’s making sure they’re in swimsuits as much as possible.

If you’re reading this (hi, mom!), then you’ve been watching the show, so I’m not going to bother laboring over the details of the previous episodes. In short, there were 15 love-hungry ladies in Brad’s harem of sadness, and now there are only six.

And those six lucky gals are …