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Modern humans must tweet and brag about every life experience to present a healthy social life among peers.

When I was a kid, we had a neighbor who came outside once a week and sat on his steps, just looking around and enjoying the weather. He was the stereotypical creepy old man who never talked to anyone or went anywhere. His clothes had a faint smell of cat piss and cigar smoke. I always liked to think that he didn't smoke, himself, but all of his cats did, and he hated them for it.

Anyway, I knew about that old man for more than a year before I finally saw some of his family show up to visit him. And the sight of those cars pulling up to that house was almost surreal. As soon as I saw him come out to greet them, he ceased to be the creepy old cat/cigar dude and became ... well, human. Up until that point, I couldn't even imagine him having a conversation with another person, let alone laughing and hugging, getting his cat urine all over their clean clothes.

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It wasn't until I was a full-grown adult that I understood that you can be an introvert but still have friends. That we can go to social functions like "normal" people, but we typically do it on our terms. "Thanks for inviting us. We can't stay long, but we thought we'd stop by and say hi to everyone. Maybe snort some cocaine out of your mom's ass crack like old times."

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Before retreating to our respective "life caves."

"We can't stay long" is our go-to phrase, by the way. On top of doing everything on our own terms, we also do them in small doses. If we're forced to attend something that requires an extended visit like a wedding or birthday party, we can show up and function just like everyone else. We'll just do it with a constant feeling of, "Holy shit, is this over yet? I just want to go home, take off my shoes, and jack off to a Game of Thrones torture scene on my own couch." And that feeling will show up every five minutes until the event ends.

No, most of us aren't disconnected from our fellow man. Online, I am a social goddamn machine, baby! I talk to people on my Twitter all the time. It's that whole "physically going somewhere" part that we have trouble wrapping our desire and motivation around.

I'd love it if we could get past assuming that introverts are all depressed, social outcast freaks who hate joy. Yes, those people do exist, but surely there are just as many extroverts who fit that same description. Otherwise, I don't know how to explain Bill Maher.

John is a columnist right here at Cracked with a new article every Thursday. You can also find him on Twitter and Facebook.