It’s come to my attention that the last installment of “People are Shit” Week basically wasn’t angry enough. After all, I started this week as a way to vent my most deeply held frustrations at ‘people’ (a word I’m beginning to think has a pretty fucking loose definition), and its pretty hard to build up any momentum with that when all you’re doing is bitching about videogames.

Allow me to remedy that situation by starting today’s episode thusly: Look at all these cunts. I mean, just fucking look at them. If you stare long enough, you start to hallucinate that they have lizard-scales and clutching reptilian claws, just because its preferable to what you’re actually seeing.

Contrary to what the title implies, I’m not actually talking about all skinny people (fuck no- I don’t want the body-posi crowd turning against me as well), but there is a certain subset of complete fucking arseholes who allow their bodies to become their entire identities. Just from that phrase, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about, but the moment I start describing a certain human being, I guarantee that the lights will go on. I’m talking about the kind of muscle-bound man-freak who goes on an on and on about how many abdominal crunches they can do or what the best Protein Shake is (usually to other people who are similarly dysfunctionally obsessed) and who actually seem to have developed a whole internal subculture around just maintaining their bodies in a certain shape (listen for the abbreviations of words to do with exercise regimes that don’t need abbreviating: the creation of an internal language is one of the first signs that a subculture, however flimsy and unnecessary, is present). Or the kind of woman who genuinely has conversations about what type of body-types is suited to different dresses and gives disgusted looks to anyone bigger than them showing an inch of skin. Yeah, you should be building up a mental image by now of the kind of people I’m talking about: the kind of human who has decided that their 'glorious’ fucking physique is a substitute for a personality. And don’t come into my ask-box to tell me that “hey! I work out and I’m not like that!”, because you know very fucking well that there’s a difference between just working out/wanting to keep your body in a certain shape or weight and obsessing like a weirdo, and if you’re prepared to troll over it, you probably fall into the latter category. Right, hopefully that’s preempted any stupid questions.

Now that I’ve established who I’m talking about, let’s get back to the rant proper. As I was saying: look at these cunts. There they go, strutting around like the sun shines out from between their tight, habitually-clenched buttocks. You know, it genuinely amazes that so many people can look at fat folk and apparently feel “disgusted”, and yet the vast majority of the human race can look at these hollow-headed arsewipes and not be immediately overcome by a devastating nausea that makes them vomit all over the fuckers on sight.

Of course, it may seem a little harsh for me to be coming down on these people like a giant jackhammer just for being vapid and uninteresting. After all, thousands of people are vapid and uninteresting. Well, first of all, we’ve got a whole a week of these to get through, so if you think anyone else is safe from this exercise in shit-spraying just because I seem to have missed them on the first pass, you’re going to get a nasty shock later on. Second, the reason I’m stating my revulsion for these humanoids is that I’ve encountered enough of them around and about the Internet to know that a fair number of them- seemingly the overall majority- appear to be vocally fat-phobic, which I feel acts as a license for me to say whatever I fucking well please about them. If you’re part of what appears to be a subculture that’s broadly comfortable with judging people based on their bodies, then I reserve the right to be sickened by your very existence- not based on your actual body, but on the fuckin’ piss-poor attitude that goes along with it.

And you know what else? These people fucking embarrass me. I’m a skinny bloke with reasonable powerful musculature. I’m what you could naively call 'fit’ if you were totally ignorant of my lifestyle choices. And people like this- people who think their bodies make them superior to everyone else- make me embarrassed to be in the seemingly-good physical condition I’m, because the idea of having anything in common with them promotes my feeling of being vaguely sickened all the way up to full-blown projectile vomiting (I really should stop using vomit to express emotions in these things- it’s becoming a theme).

In summary, then: fuck these people. I wish there was a name for the peculiar subculture to which they belong so I can make it clear I’m not talking about everyone who happens to be skinny (or physically powerful, I suppose), but I suspect I’ll be waiting a long time for these berks to make one up themselves. Ah fuck it: I’ll do it myself. Swaggercocks. Yeah, that’ll do. Fuck these Swaggercock bastards.