Continue Reading Below Advertisement

The premise is used so often that it's impossible to not exist in real life. There can't be that many writers just pulling those scenes out of their ass, right? Science, please tell me that all the scripted movies and shows I watch too much of aren't full of lies!

Well, shit. It turns out that rebound sex is actually "uncommon after a breakup," according to researchers who probably used their findings to prove to their friends that they're fine, no really, they're fine. They don't need to "get back in the game," because that's not a thing. At least not to average people who don't regularly learn valuable life lessons via montage.

Lindsay L. Barber

By my estimation, these graph lines appear to be doin' it cowgirl style.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

People who just got out of a serious relationship aren't concerned with getting laid; they're too busy thinking they are sex-repelling garbage. Women tend to be more willing to move on to a new relationship in the long run, whereas after a while men tend to look up taxidermists with negotiable morals who will mount their retired penises on a wall for display purposes only.

This isn't to say that rebound sex doesn't achieve what we intend. It actually does help people move on from heartbreak. So if you ever have rebound sex, be sure to kindly thank your six-spoken-lines date before you kick them out of your bed forever. Just don't skimp on the cameras or lighting budget. You'll regret it during editing.