

1. "Kenny's or Napoli's?" is both a highly contentious topic, and a very successful pickup line.



2. Iona has no idea what year it is.



3. While driving, the blinker is entirely optional, and other drivers will appreciate your air of mystery.





4. Also, everyone has the right-of-way, all of the time.





5. Except in the Sobeys parking lot, where men abide by no law, and only the strong survive.







I took this picture at the Sobeys parking lot on a Tuesday.

6. Dinner is lunch.





7. Supper is dinner.





8. Lunch is the snack before bed.





9. Breakfast is still breakfast, which is somehow the weirdest part.





10. Chicken balls are considered traditional Chinese cuisine. *







Seriously Canada? You could have named them literally anything else.





11. We make fun of people who play the violin, because we play the fiddle.





12. Everybody plays guitar. We don't teach it in school or anything. It just worked out that way.





13. Our potholes are bigger than your potholes.





14. If you tell people you're from Cape Breton, they will trust you with their first born child, which makes kidnapping very easy.





15. The highest point in Cape Breton is White Hill Lake. Nobody knows, or cares, about this fact.







Somebody really needs to revise Cape Breton's definition of "lake."





16. The rest of Cape Breton resents Sydney. Sydney resents Halifax. Halifax doesn't worry about this too terribly much.





17. Meat darts is more fun to talk about than to actually play.





18. Meat Cove has very dangerous cliffs, and very tasty chowder.





19. If you're looking for Tom, he's down at the legion.





20. If you need something fixed, call Gordie. He's good for it.





21. Cape Bretoners wear tartan so that lions can't tell one Cape Bretoner from another. To this day, there have been 0 lion attacks on Cape Breton Island.









Take that, you stupid lions!





* In America, "Chicken Balls" are called "Sweet & Sour Chicken," and they find our name somewhat crude and highly amusing. If you take offense at this, please say:





"I would like the ( name of any animal other than a chicken ) balls, please."





Congratulations. You are now less hungry and probably laughing.









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