(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

I think it’s time we stopped apologising for our mental health.

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When I say that, please don’t get confused between apologising for your actions and apologising for your illness itself.

I strongly believe that if you are rude to someone, show anger to someone or even insult someone due to emotions that may be brought on by your mental health, you should apologise.

While the other person may be able to forgive and understand you, if you have hurt that person, you own up to it and accept that you shouldn’t have acted that way.


What I am talking about, however, is actually apologising for your illness. Not your actions, but the illness itself.



I’m talking about apologising to someone because you spent the night alone because you were too anxious to leave the house.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Saying sorry for being visibly hyper when going through a manic bipolar episode.

Feeling as though somebody deserves your apology simply for taking your mental health medication in front of them.

That’s not okay.

Why should you apologise for an illness that is totally out of your control? Why does a person without the illness deserve some form of apology from you for dealing with something that you didn’t choose to live with, but that chose to live with you?

I feel we’ve come so far in speaking out publicly in regards to mental illness, and while we’ve still got a long way to go, we’ve done pretty great so far.

Countless people have taken to social media to disclose their mental health issues, to write about the symptoms and the effects living with a mental illness has had on their lives. And that’s great. It’s educating people while encouraging them to speak out themselves at the same time.

But I feel that in turn, while we now feel it’s okay to speak out, we’ve developed this shield of armour just in case somebody still doesn’t accept it – in the form of an apology.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

It’s almost as if we’re just about comfortable enough to say, ‘yes, I have a mental illness’, but we’re not quite brave enough to do it without worrying about what other people might think, which leads us to apologising for every symptom that may come to light in front of other people.

But I feel continuing to do so is just taking us two steps back from having complete and utter freedom to speak out about mental health issues.

While I understand it can be an uncomfortable subject for many, especially if they don’t have any friends or family who themselves live with mental illness, I think we need to remember that it is just that: an illness.

Much like a broken leg, the illness affects your way of life. It affects the way you think, the way you feel, the way you act, and the way you live your life.



But as it’s an invisible illness, we’re so quick to forget this. The people around us forget this.

And because of that, people who live with a mental illness go on to feel guilty about it, feeling as though the only way they can confidently talk about it is to apologise at the start of the conversation.

(Picture: Mmuffin for Metro.co.uk)

But look at it this way. Would a person apologise to you before taking a paracetamol for a headache? Would they apologise to you because they broke a bone and can’t make it out that night? No, they wouldn’t.

They would tell you they weren’t well, and they wouldn’t feel guilty about it – because there’s simply nothing they can do about it.

Which is what we need to remember in regards to mental health – bar therapies, medication and psychiatrists – there’s not much we can do but continue to live with a mental illness the best we can.

By living with it, we should learn to accept it. Accept that it is a part of you, accept that there are going to be days where you don’t feel strong enough to get through a social event or spend time with a friend. And you should accept that you can be honest about this without apologising for it first.

While you may fear doing so because someone may not believe you or may judge you, you’ve got to ask yourself: If you are surrounding yourself with ‘friends’ who you fear will think you’re making your illness up, or are ‘overreacting’, are you really surrounded by the right people?


Your friends should be there to love you and to support you – and most importantly to understand you.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

And when mental health is concerned, that means allowing you to speak freely about your mental health without there being any pressure to apologise for it first.

It may be hard at first, almost like breaking a bad habit, but the sooner we stop saying ‘sorry’ before disclosing our mental health, the sooner it will lead us to completely destigmatize mental illness.

It’ll force people to stop looking at it at all like a weakness, and to look at it for the illness it is instead. It will stop people expecting you to apologise first, which hopefully will lead them to being more understanding and accepting of it.

By not apologising, we are approaching it exactly as we would a physical illness. And as mentioned above, nobody blinks an eye when you disclose a physical illness – so wouldn’t it be great to take the same approach with mental health?

MORE: What to do between your mental health diagnosis and treatment

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