Getting hit by a city bus would be a tragedy for most people. But for Sophie Kraft, it was an opportunity to pay off the monstrous amount of debt she had accumulated in school. In an exciting turn of events, Sophie sustained six severe injuries that allowed her to sue the city and use the settlement to pay off all her student loans. Yaaaayyyy!

“There’s no amount of money that makes up for the trauma I went through,” says Sophie. “But it is definitely nice to be able to focus on healing and not the crushing weight of my student loan debt. This is honestly the only way I could have ever had enough money to pay it off.”

Wow, how crazy that the only way a young person can get rid of student debt is by experiencing a devastating trauma and getting paid for the damages!

“To be clear, I’m experiencing PTSD and I’ll be in physical therapy for the rest of my life,” added Sophie. “But I’m the only one of my friends who isn’t drowning in debt. So, yay?”

You’re right about that, bitch, yay!

Sources confirm that Sophie has been grinning since she won the settlement, though those close to her are unsure if it’s because her jaw is clamped open due to injury or because she’s finally free at last from the clutches of the three federal loans she took out while attending Northwestern University.

Friends of Sophie are worried about her, but are also admittedly jealous that she has this financial stressor taken care of.

“When I heard Sophie got hit by a city bus, I started weeping, jumped in a cab to meet her at the hospital,” says Sophie’s roommate Georgia Dickinson. “I’m so glad she’s going to be okay. You know what’s not going to be okay? The fact that I’ll be paying off my loans into my thirties.”

“I’m glad she won the settlement because that bus driver was totally in the wrong,” says another friend Kelly Marcus. “At the same time, I don’t know anyone who isn’t taking out loans. She is, in some ways, super lucky. This country is so fucked up!”

You’re right about that!