The signs as Neopets

It’s 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night – have you fed your Neopet?

Well, since it’s 2017 and you no longer have dial-up internet, you probably have forgotten all about your Gelert or Chia and trying to scheme free pieces of giant omelettes for them to feast on.

But, if you’re like me, Neopets will always hold a special place in your heart. And you’ve probably always wondered which one really resonated with your personality, haven’t you?

JK, you probably haven’t, but here you go anyway. Sorry in advance I didn’t include Chia but none of you plebeians deserved him. I also didn’t include Usul because everyone knows she’s a mean girl – or, a mean Neopet.

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ARIES: Shoyru

Aries is a fire sign, so Shoyru – a dragon of sorts – totes floats their boat. And just like you, Aries, Shoyru is cute but sassy.

TAURUS: Kau

Taurus is a bull, and Kau is kind of the warped Neopets version of a bull – otherwise known as a cow. Tauruses are also reliable, just like this good ol’ Neopet.

GEMINI: Hissi

Gemini season is a dangerous time because Geminis are known to switch sides real quick. Kind of like a snake, you feel me? Hissi is the Neopets version of a snake. I barely knew this Neopet existed, because who would choose a sketchy snake over a cute Chia? Not me.

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CANCER: Uni

Cancers are known to be imaginative, and what fits that better than a unicorn-looking Neopet? Cancers also love a good meal with friends, and Unis love to eat some fresh Neopian treats, am I right?

LEO: Yurble

Leos are lions, and Yurble looks to be a lion of sorts as well. A very squatty and non-threatening lion. But Leos are also warm-hearted and cheerful, just like Yurble.

VIRGO: Meerca

Virgos are the work horse of the zodiac sign and they are seriously determined, kind of like Meerca was in that game where you used the arrows on your keyboard to make him eat all the neggs. Good times.

LIBRA: Mynci

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Libras are social, cooperative, and they like sharing with others. Kind of like monkeys – or, Myncis.

SCORPIO: Scorchio

The only difference between Scorpios and Scorchios are two letters. They’re both scorching and a little prickly around the edges, but will drive you crazy – especially if you forget to feed the one in your life for three weeks.

SAGITTARIUS: Bruce

Sagittarians are jolly and charming, just like Bruce the Neopet penguin. They also have a great sense of humor, and what says sense of humor like a cartoon penguin in a bow tie?

CAPRICORN: Korbat

Capricorns may seem scary at first, just like Korbats do, but then you realize they’re cute and funny when you get to know them. They’re also good at rising through the ranks – hence the wings.

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AQUARIUS: Pteri

Aquarius is an air sign, so a flying Neopet like Pteri makes sense. They also run from emotional expression (using the wings, obvi).

PISCES: Koi

Pisces is a fish, and Koi also appears to be a fish. Pisces is also musical, and can’t you just see Koi whistling a tune next to some enchanted Neopian mermaid?