How To Expect Less and Do More

A lesson in the humble art of appreciation.

@kopachinsky unsplash.com

I used to expect a lot. I expected a lot out of myself. I expected a lot of others. I expected a lot of opportunities. I expected a lot out of life.

The thing is that expectation often leads to disappointment.

No matter how much effort you put forth, if you expect too much in return, you will always be disappointed.

Life doesn’t work that way.

Life is a dartboard. You stick as many darts as you can as close to the center as possible. You concentrate. You point. Then, you squint to get the shot right.

Not every dart is going to hit the bullseye. Some of them are going to land at the outer edges.

But, you try anyway.

Somewhere between drink number 3 and 4, you manage a few bullseyes.

You raise your hands like a winner. You down a shot or two.

Then, you are good to head home. You are content. You don’t need some prize. You don’t need free drinks. All you had at that moment was pure bliss at hitting a few bullseyes.

The truth is that most people have small wins throughout life.

In those small moments, if you expect too much, your wins will turn into losses in your eyes.

Graph of win-nonviral — by Jun Wu

See this graph, the bar that sticks out in the middle is a big win. But, because it is surrounded by many little wins that were close to the big win. It didn’t feel like the big win when it happened.

On the other hand, look at this graph below. The bar that sticks out in the middle just looks like a huge win. This is all because the bars near it are not anywhere close to this one bar.

Graph of win-viral — Jun Wu

What I am showing you are two graphs of my Medium wins. The first one was due to an article that was simply good but didn’t go viral. The second one was due to a viral article.

The effect of the first win was slow and cumulative. It did wonders for my exposure to my account.

The effect of the second one lasted only for one day. As soon as the article stopped going viral, the next day, my Medium statistics went back to where it was before the viral article happened.

The lesson is that if you expect big wins in life, it may never come. Even if it comes, the effect will disappear if the effect isn’t carried over.

Without preparation, the followups to big wins in life will simply not be enough.

Small wins, on the other hand, are easier to manage. Little by little, you might have a breakout in the middle of small wins like in graph #1.

That breakout might not feel like a big win. But it is.

If you stop, observe, and appreciate this big win without expecting anything in return, you will be surprised, overjoyed, and contented.

That contentment will translate to motivation to move ahead.

Always, this motivation to move ahead is the real reward.

If you are expecting anything else, it will instead sap your energy and motivation. You will not receive the real reward.

So, do yourself a favor, don’t expect too much. See the win and appreciate it for a change. Once enough small wins accumulate, breakout will happen.

It’s simple physics.

Once you have a big win, whether or not you feel like it’s a big win is all on you.

If you expect too much, then your big wins will also feel like small wins. You won’t receive the real reward: motivation.

When you receive the real reward of motivation, anything is possible.

What are you waiting for?