OstrichUTRocket.jpg

The University of Tennessee's SMOKEY-2 rocket launching from the Dixie Stampede parking lot in Gatlinburg.

Matt Mitchell is the creator of The Ostrich, Walker County's least trusted news source, and was the 3rd round draft pick of the Denver Nuggets. This is a work of satire.

The University of Tennessee's aerospace engineering division became the first collegiate program to send a man into space earlier today. The school hopes to find and interact with an intelligent life form on another planet, and then beg the alien-being to coach the University's struggling football team.

The manned space mission comes after the University of Tennessee realized it had already exhausted all of its resources on this planet. Officials say all 7.6 billion inhabitants of Earth have turned down the opportunity to coach the Volunteers. Over half of those 7.6 billion were accidentally asked twice after one University official placed the roster of potential coaches in a trash can instead of the Volunteers' file cabinet, which was at one time the football team's sideline trophy, and before that, an actual trash can.

Arti Emil, chair for the school's aerospace engineering program, said the University of Tennessee's SMOKEY-2 rocket successfully launched early this morning from an empty Dixie Stampede parking lot in Gatlinburg.

"We were very lucky to get that thing off the ground. This has pretty much been the only thing we've had go right during this coaching search," explained Emil, who also revealed that the school's first rocket, SMOKEY-1 was sold for scraps last year to help make the final buyout payment to Derek Dooley.

The school also made history by sending the first sports broadcaster into space. According to his family, Clay Travis was strapped inside SMOKEY-2 against his will. Officials with the University of Tennessee refused to identify who was inside the rocket, but they did release a statement saying, "no one believes they are more qualified for the job of finding our next coach than the idiot we threw in that rocket."

Experts say it could take years, maybe even decades, before the rocket reaches a planet capable of sustaining intelligent life. Until then, fans of the Volunteers and dumpster fires are advised to remain patient and follow Lane Kiffin on twitter for the latest updates.

[This is a work of satire. All content is the

creation of Matt Mitchell, The Ostrich.]