Each time we show up for someone, it’s like we are turning on a single bulb in a strand of Christmas lights. Occasionally, we’ll get to make a grand enough gesture to light up several bulbs at once, but for the most part, showing up is best done one small, quiet act by small, quiet act. Over time, we’ll turn on more and more bulbs, eventually creating a connected line that glows brightly, lighting our loved one’s path when life gets dark.

As firm believers in the power of showing up — as people who have showed up for others, and who have felt the transformative, life-saving power of having people show up for us — we’ve put together a long list of ways to show up for your loved ones. It’s a living document, meant to be updated and expanded over time. Not everything on this list will apply to everyone or every relationship — a huge part of showing up is knowing your audience — but we hope it will serve as a good jumping off point and a source of inspiration. Because the more of us who show up for each other regularly, the more strands of lights we collectively turn on, and the brighter all of our paths become.



Here are a bunch of different ways to show up for the people in your life:

1. When you’re talking to someone you care about — whether that’s IRL or over the phone/Skype — do your best to be fully present.

2. Give your non-romantic relationships the same sort of attention, care, and mental energy that you give your romantic ones. Think about your friends at least as much as you think about your crush, your favorite sports team, or reality TV celebrities.

3. Set up calendar notifications for their birthdays, or write them on your new calendar each January. (Don’t rely on Facebook to tell you!) Memorize their zodiac sign while you’re at it.

4. And put other meaningful days in their life (kids’ birthdays, wedding anniversaries) on your calendar, especially ones tied to grief. Reach out on the anniversary of their loved one’s passing and let them know you are thinking of them.

5. Figure out the best method of communication for the two of you. Some people are terrible at texting back but are great on the phone. We’re sorry to say that this means you just gotta suck it up and call them sometimes. Talking on the phone sometimes is better than losing lifelong friends because they can’t Gchat all day at work.

6. Establish the low-hanging fruit way to check in with each other regularly. Something as simple as Snapchatting each other pics of your breakfast and outfits every single day can actually be a surprisingly amazing way to connect regularly. So can sending each other voice memos.