(TL;DR Everything is awesome! My Santa rocks! Drunkenly applying 12 different colors to only four nails yields questionable results.)

My poor Santa.

My Nail Polish swag arrived a few days ago, and I've had to leave my Santa hanging since then because I was scrambling to get my giftees' goodies out the door. And also I had SO VERY MUCH TV TO WATCH. You know how it goes.

Anyway, I finally get some time to look at this amazing haul, and what do you know... it happens to be when I'm well and truly soused. See, this friend of mine surprised us all a few days ago by announcing that he was getting surprise married, and there would be an impromptu reception at this bar with this great outdoor beer garden. And then there was ice cream. It was a whole big thing. Anyway, I'll get to the point: Don't nail polish drunk. My nails look effin' ridiculous right now. I don't care, though. I am SO happy.

My Santa sent me a set of 12 (twelve!) metallics that are absolutely sweet! My fingernails are stupid, so I mostly just paint my toenails, but I didn't think any of you wanted to see my toes (and also, I'm too drunk to bend over), so I put all twelve colors on my thumb and first three fingers of my left hand. It is an all-out eyeball assault right now, but that's OK. I gotta be me!

My Santa also sent me a nail buffing block, which is a thing that I used to have many, many years ago, but which I had forgotten was a thing that existed. My mom and I both had them when I was a teenager, and as soon as I opened it I remembered it and I squeeeeed and clapped. Really. That is a thing I actually did (fortunately, only my cat was around to see it). These things are like magical little shine bars. You file and buff with each of the four sides, and gradually, your nails get shinier and shinier until they finally end up looking like you have a glossy clear coat on them. Magic!

Thank you, Santa! Maybe all these sparkly colors will be the motivation I need to finally whip my fingernails into shape. I can't wait to play with them sober!

PS There was a gift note in the box, but I can't find it. If you want to take credit for your awesome gift, please comment and let me know who you are!

Edited to add proper credit for my Santa: AgaveBleu!