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Being our semi-regular weekly survey of what’s going down in the several states where, as we know, the real work of governmentin’ gets done, and where when you’re down in Deep Ellum, you put your money in your shoe.

As much fun as it would be to pile on Georgia’s governor, Brian (Asymptomatic) Kemp—dude, if you were unclear about things, the CDC is in Atlanta—there’s more mischief down in Georgia that we should take a look at, too. For example, Georgia Republicans are busily saying the quiet parts out loud. From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:



All 6.9 million active voters in Georgia are being mailed absentee ballot request forms this week by the secretary of state’s office. Voters who return the absentee ballot request forms will be able to participate in the primary without having to come into contact with other people on election day or during early voting.

“This will be extremely devastating to Republicans and conservatives in Georgia,” Ralston, a Republican from Blue Ridge, said during an interview with FetchYourNews, a North Georgia news site. “Every registered voter is going to get one of these. … This will certainly drive up turnout.”...

Ralston doesn’t want the mail-in primary to set a precedent for future elections in which heavier use of mail-in ballots drives turnout higher in the general election, when the parties compete against each other.



If more people are able to vote, then we lose. Therefore, fewer people should be able to vote. This is not a syllogism for a healthy democracy, but it seems to be the motto of the Kemp administration, and of the Republican Party generally.



Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is the sad result of Trumpism. Joe Raedle Getty Images

Moving south, Governor Ron DeSantis is another Trumpist governor who has decided to do double-duty as a dartboard. After a long delay in which Florida became the Mother of All Vectors, DeSantis finally got around to closing the state down. From WFLA:



DeSantis had been facing growing pressure to issue a statewide stay-at-home order. Thirteen lawmakers who represent Florida penned a letter to the governor earlier this week urging him to issue the order. DeSantis said Tuesday he has been in touch with the White House coronavirus task force and members had not recommended a statewide shutdown. “I’m in contact with them and basically I’ve said, ‘are you guys recommending this?’ The task force has not recommended that to me,” he said. “If they do, obviously that would be something that would carry a lot of weight with me.”

Which doesn’t let DeSantis off the hook, as Politico explains.

“I think that effectively means a national pause,” DeSantis told reporters midday as he rolled out his order, which prohibits nonessential public gatherings. Church services, pet-walking and caring for family members are exempt from the order.

The churches, of course, are a problem. Florida is god-happy, and a lot of its churches are as big as drive-in movie theaters. But they also are patronized by thousands of registered voters. Watching DeSantis cling to Trumpism down to his last fingernail is like watching somebody cling to the gunwales of a leaky lifeboat.

Mike DeWine’s Ohio is still crazy about reproductive rights. Scott Olson Getty Images

Meanwhile, all over the country, the fetus obsessives are wedging their peculiar enthusiasms into the pandemic with startling speed. The governors of at least five states—including COVID Saint Mike DeWine in Ohio—have banned "unnecessary medical procedures," most definitely including abortions. And, in Ohio, where the legislature passed one of those phony "heartbeat" bills not long ago that included a provision that would require doctors to "re-implant" ectopic pregnancies, Attorney General Dave Yost dispatched letters clearly threatening clinics still doing abortions of violating the state’s order. Yost doesn’t consider these procedures essential. The women seeking them likely disagree. From the Columbus Dispatch:

But after receiving complaints, Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost ordered two of them to follow Ohio Health Director Amy Acton’s mandate. Yost’s warning applies to all such clinics in the state. However, operators of at least one of the clinics responded that they would both comply with Acton’s order and continue to provide abortions.

“Under that order, Planned Parenthood can still continue providing essential procedures, including surgical abortion, and our health centers continue to offer other health care services that our patients depend on. Our doors remain open for this care,’” said a joint statement from Iris E. Harvey and Kersha Deibel, respectively presidents and CEO of Planned Parenthood of Greater Ohio and Planned Parenthood Southwest Ohio Region. The latter runs an abortion clinic in Cincinnati.

File this under Fights We Don’t Need to Have.

Scott Fitzgerald remains busy. Justin Sullivan Getty Images

We skip from there up to Wisconsin, which is scheduled to have a primary and an important state supreme court election next week, and where the state GOP is determined to give the people a choice between exercising the franchise and endangering their health. Lawsuits have ensued. From the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel:

The lawsuits — the third and fourth to be filed over the April 7 election — come as clerks scramble to figure out how to safely run an election when they are short on poll workers and hand sanitizer and health officials say people should stay at least six feet from each other. One of the new lawsuits, led by voter mobilization group Souls to the Polls, seeks to put off the election for weeks or months. It’s in line with a lawsuit Green Bay’s clerk filed this week to postpone the election.

The other suit filed Thursday seeks to allow people to cast absentee ballots without having to get a witness to sign their voting certificate. The barrage of litigation comes after the Democratic National Committee sued last week to try to extend absentee voting. That resulted in an order that reinstated online voter registration until March 30. U.S. District Judge William Conley will rule later on other aspects of that case.

What, Republicans worry?

State officials have repeatedly said they don't want to change the date of the election or limit it to mail only. "That seems to me it would really undermine the election if we don’t let the process to continue as we are," said Assembly Speaker Robin Vos, a Republican from Rochester. Some voters don't want to vote by mail, said Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald.

"I think there’s certain group of citizens as well that have voted at the polls on election day for many, many years," the Juneau Republican said. "And that’s what their expectation is. They’re not going to go online and request a ballot.”

Republican lawmakers have said officials are finding creative ways to deal with unusual circumstances. Vos raised the idea of having clerks give voters their own pens so they don't have to use ones that have been touched by others. Assembly Majority Leader Jim Steineke of Kaukauna said he was donating hand sanitizer to polling sites across his district.

Brilliant.

And we conclude, as is our custom, in the great state of Oklahoma, where Blog Social Distancing Cowboy Friedman of the Plains brings us yet another creative definition of an “essential business.” From the Tulsa World:

Z66 Auto Auction, 66 N. Mingo Road, hosted its Friday dealers-only auction that appeared to include dozens of people and auction employees. Robert Zoellner, owner of Z66, said the company’s status as an essential business means it doesn’t have to follow state and municipal orders barring gatherings of 10 or more people...Zoellner said conducting his auction had been “blessed” by Gov. Kevin Stitt and Tulsa Mayor G.T. Bynum. A mayor’s office spokeswoman said the city was following the direction of the governor’s office about gatherings and what qualifies as an essential business.



Well, does it? It’s hard to say.

It was unclear Friday afternoon whether any agency investigated whether Zoellner’s business may have violated the executive orders. A Tulsa World photographer attempted to enter the auto auction but was declined admittance. He said people at the door took his temperature, wrote it on his hand in marker and gave him hand sanitizer.

Once we decide what is an essential business, I guess we can move along to defining a “coordinated response.”

This is your democracy, America. Cherish it.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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