2019

Hello everyone! I hope your 2019 is going well. Mine looks like it will be pretty good, which you could guess from my interview with Tafokints a few weeks ago. Here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE5TW28V18U The top comment was kind enough to timestamp when I talked about my health, but more may be worth listening to in order to get a fuller sense of my current status. In that interview, I also said I'd be tweeting about streaming this year, so that's what the rest of this post will be about.



I plan on returning to streaming sometime during the March-May months. Why then, and why such a large gap? Well it's basically because I would be returning for financial reasons, and I can't be 100% sure when I would need to come back until it gets closer to time. That's not to say I don't miss everyone and miss streaming because I REALLY do, but I have had some other reasons for waiting and I'd like to lay those out now. They are:



1. I'd love for my return to streaming also be my return to competing. This is now probably my main reason. I think a full return to everything would be really exciting and I wouldn't have to hold back my enthusiasm with concerns about how often I could interact or worries about how my hormones could affect my attitudes towards things, etc. This could sound immature, and I won't deny that in a way it is. This said, I am partly delaying my stream return because I truly think I can get all better by that time. I am not guaranteeing anything though. I am just saying it's possible, and could explain further delays later. Going back to my earlier explanation, I want to avoid misgivings when I do important things, and I hope my other reasons will explain this better.



2. I want to do my best work. I really like putting my all into things I do, and that includes being entertaining and informative for you all. If I'm going to be streaming and asking for your money, then I want to do my best!



In the past, when people would ask me to do content such as streaming I would always say I was ashamed of putting out anything that would be so below my standards. I think my health has progressed enough to where this is less of an issue, but I still have misgivings. What if I can't answer donation questions well and that leads to loss of trust? What if I can't convert my analysis to forms that work for enough people? What if I accidentally insult a top player I'm analyzing because I was mentally taxed from focusing on analysis and couldn't think far enough ahead?(note: this does not mean I'm thinking insults about top players. It means I can't phrase the nuance of something like a less effective tendency or exploited/conditioned habit well) Again this may sound silly, but to me it's pretty important I say exactly what I mean to say. Things online are permanent and if I'm going to get paid in any capacity for them I'd like to make my work the best it can be. Of course I also want to be fun too, and getting tired wouldn't be as fun either =p



3. I realllllly don't like asking for help. I've gotten better about this over time, but I still don't want to seem incapable or like I'm taking advantage of the good will of others. This combined with the previous concern helps explain why I have stayed gone for so long despite some improved health. Of course, it doesn't help that sometimes I have slower days or weeks, but it all plays a part.







Okay with that out of the way, let me say what I will do when I stream again. I plan on doing analysis of subs and of top players. The ratio of this would probably depend on what you guys prefer and also what tournaments have happened recently. I also want to do general practice streams and streams where I play Melee against local players. I also may just do some chill streams like All-Star or whatever on days where I am feeling more sluggish or just wanting to talk to you guys more. I don't know how I'll organize all of that but we will figure it out. I think longer term I may consider things like interviews/a podcast but for now the above is what I'm considering. If there's something else you think I should do then you can let me know =)



And finally, the money. What would I do with it? Well it would largely be for things like rent and food and continuing visiting those that are helping me get better. If I make more than I need, then I'll use that money to see other specialists that could help me. If I somehow ran out of ideas for other specialists to visit and try, then I would use it to pay off debt I have accumulated such as student loans. This would make monthly payments easier, and could overall reduce my financial strain. Of course when my health isn't an issue anymore, I'll probably save some money and use portions of it to help the community with things like sponsoring side events or flying players to events and so on. I will certainly be wanting more ideas about that eventually too.



Anyway, I'm looking back on this and it looks like I said a lot. So I think I will end it here. Thanks for reading and caring everyone, I hope to see you soon! Let's have a good 2019 =)

Reply · Report Post