CHICAGO — Despite being scheduled for a bye week, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler was still able to somehow throw three interceptions on Sunday.

“Today wasn’t my best performance, but I’m going to work on some things and hopefully come back next week better than ever,” said Cutler who started off the day by throwing an interception to the defense during a scrimmage at the Bears practice facility.

According to team insiders, the turnovers continued from there when Cutler was driving home and his move to pass a semi-truck was beaten by a much faster Camaro on I-94. Later in the evening during dinner with his extended family, Cutler’s attempt to pass the green beans to his wife Kristin Cavallari was picked off by his brother-in-law.

Statisticians report that the three interceptions were a new NFL record for a bye week, noting that the old record was zero and was held by everyone else in the league.

“This is why we have bye weeks—to learn from our mistakes,” added Cutler. At press time, Cutler added a fumble to his day after dropping his infant son Jax.

Tommy Molzahn remembers that Rex Grossman made it to the Super Bowl.

Image by Mike Morbeck.