Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele star in a new sketch as Chick Sarica and Bob DiSanzio – two professional basketball announcers who call games exactly as they seem them.

Exactly.

The minute-and-a-half transcript of the play-by-play is as follows:

“We are at capacity tonight at the Opulent Tostitos Center”

“50,000 fans are ready to binge drink for a couple of hours”

“Hi, I’m grown man Chick Sarica”

“And I’m grown man Bob DiSanzio”

“We have both made careers watching adult men play a simple child’s game, all while being paid more than the president”

“It seems as though the millionaires are ready to play their game so we can stop stalling with the mindless chatter”

“The alleged rapist passes the big orange ball to the sweaty legal giant, and the legal giant easily puts the ball into the basket, making it look easy, which if you’re 7-feet tall, it is”

“He made about $8,000 while he was doing that”

“The high school dropout inbounds to the convicted spousal abuser, he slashes through all of the drug addicts, drops the ball off to the genetic freak, and boom-crack-a-lacka! Two points!”

“Downtown”

“Skurplackiss”

“Bingotime”

“Stermskams”

“Muh-less-a-blatta-blatta”

“I’m just saying words that start with ‘S'”

“I’m going pure nonsense”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH”

“Are you OK?”

“I’m great, Bob.”