Day One Hundred and Forty-Three: It's Not Unusual

So I'm attracted to Elsa again, big deal.

I mean come on. She's pretty and cute, and smart, and definitely the kinda girl you take to meet your parents, and hot, and she's got impossibly beautiful hair. And it's not like we broke up because she was a cheater or a scumbag…just a heartbreaker.

But yeah, it makes perfect sense that after like half a year of living together, I'd feel something for her again.

And it's not a big deal that I got myself off the other day thinking about her. And the day after that. And the day after that...

It's not a big deal. It's fine and perfectly natural. Perfectly fucking natural. Except, ugh, I know it's not.

Of all the girls that I had to get hung up on after Aurora, why did it have to be Elsa? Why couldn't it be anyone else? I would have been perfectly happy pining over, say, Rapunzel, and she's straight so I know nothing's ever gonna happen there. But I'd take that fate over this, I'd take anything over being into my ex-girlfriend again.

Elsa, just...fuck!

Elsa?!

Really?!

I've been ruminating (goddamn it, she taught me that word) on this for too long, in between shifts at work and one-sided awkwardness during movie nights. Which have become almost a nightly thing since that fated day at the pool.

I should have never said yes to the chicken fight.

And right now I'm currently in the thick of my shift at the diner. We just got through the lunch rush, so I know they won't need me for a few more minutes. This gives me some time to squeeze poor Wilhelm, and not think about Elsa. And that gradually evolves into squeezing poor Wilhelm and solely thinking about Elsa.

This otter has seen some better days, but damn if he doesn't help. Squeezing and deep breaths keep my heart from racing at the very least. And when I've dealt with a particularly shitty customer, I pretend I'm squeezing their stupid necks and popping their stupid heads.

"Hey Anna, I need you up front so I can take my break."

It helps with dealing with shitty managers too. "Surprised you learned my name," I mumble before putting Wilhelm back, checking over my black shirt and pants in the mirror, and tying my apron back on. "Thanks Nikki."

She's already on her phone and sitting on a countertop, blatantly refusing to acknowledge my existence.

I walk out of the kitchen, smiling and checking on the three tables that actually have people in them. They're all doing fine, and thankfully none of them hit on me this time.

An old guy does, however, tap at my wrist and tell me that I shouldn't have "ruined my beautiful skin by getting a tattoo." To which I replied with a polite laugh, and a middle finger behind my back.

I spend the rest of my shift washing dishes, bussing tables, and not thinking about Elsa. I'm putting away dishes as slowly as humanly possible when Karen calls out my name, "Your friend's here." She doesn't say anything else but that.

Friend could literally mean anyone since I bitch to all my friends about work. I finish loading the dishwasher, wipe my hands, and walk back to the front. It doesn't take a lot of searching to find her, sitting at the bar and tapping her fingers on the counter.

"Elsa?"

Her face perks up when she sees me like a puppy's ears when they hear their owner. And it's really fucking cute. "Anna! Hey!"

My feet moves the rest of me towards her, "What are you doing here?"

"Picking up some food," she replied. "You always talk so highly about this place, I figured it was time I tried it."

She's sporting a stupid, dumb, pretty grin on her face that tells me that she's being sarcastic. I play along, "Well don't expect me to let you use my employee discount."

I don't even have one.

"Don't worry, I already paid." She shows me her black card before putting it back in her wallet. And just the flash of her hands coming into my field of view sends my senses reeling.

Knowing what those hands could do to me, the same shit that my own hands have been doing to me lately. Wow that did not take long.

I have to cough loudly just to snap out of it, thankfully Elsa doesn't notice. "Your shift's almost over, right?" she continues.

I peek at the clock above her head and nod, "I'm off in like 45 minutes." I shouldn't be that surprised that she remembers my work schedule since I bitch about it so much, but it's still crazy how she remembers all this stuff. I used to find it weird and now I...damn it, I also find it cute.

Does she know what I've been doing? Does she know what I've been thinking about? Could she hear me even in the shower? Could she sense me doing it even when she's at therapy? Goddamn this stupid, fucking, fast-beating heart.

"Sound good?"

I blink and shake my head so hard I can feel my degenerate brain rattle. "Wha- shit, I'm sorry I spaced out there for a second. Sounds what? What's good?"

Elsa frowns, which now feels like a punch to the gut, and I'm already crafting up a better apology for not listening. "Are you feeling okay?"

Oh. She's concerned. Not disappointed. Just concerned. Because I tuned out of our conversation. She's not upset. Cool. Cool cool cool.

"Yeah," I lie, "It's just the...air."

"...the air."

"Mmhmm. It's pretty grimey today."

Fuck, I just wanna grab her by her shoulders and kiss her like I'm about to sacrifice myself in battle.

"Grimey?"

"Yeah, haven't you noticed?"

Elsa stammers out noises that want to be words, and then tries again, "Okaaaay. Well, I was talking about this weekend and how we should go get a gift for Lilo's party."

I clear my throat, "Party? She invited you to a party?"

"Yeah, for her little brother. She invited the both of us, remember? It's next Sunday."

"When? Wait was it-"

"At the pool, yeah." I was gonna ask if it was during my stupid moment of weakness at the pool when all I could think of was her legs, but yeah sure. Just the pool in general works as an explanation too. "Anyway, he's turning ten, so I figured we could get him...I don't know what ten-year-old boys like but we should get him something."

I think I have some idea of what a ten-year-old boy would like for his birthday.

...ew, that is a weird thought.

And stop looking at Elsa's chest while you're thinking that! Okay but she's wearing a low-cut tank top so it's not like- "Uh, yeah! Y-yeah that sounds good, I can probably help you with that."

"Are you sure you're doing okay?" Elsa stops herself with a quick gasp. "Is it because I brought up Lilo? I'm so sorry, Anna. I said I don't want to date her, I would never do that to you."

My chest tightens more than the knot holding up my apron, "You wouldn't?"

"Of course not. I mean she's cute, but I don't have feelings for her. And to date one of your friends could hurt you, and I really don't wanna do that anymore."

I want to tell her that she wouldn't hurt me. I want to tell her that she shouldn't stop herself from doing shit because of me. I want to tell her that I don't wanna hurt her anymore either. I want to tell her more, but I don't get the chance to.

As I open my mouth to speak, my manager appears from behind me with a bag of food and slides it toward Elsa. Goddamn it, Nikki.

"Two cheeseburgers with fries, one with pickles and one without. Will you be needing anything else?" She asks with the most ingenuine, robotic smile I've ever seen.

Elsa shakes her head, "No that's it, thank you."

"My pleasure!" Karen says before, thankfully, leaving us alone again. Although I can already tell she's gonna chew me out later for something stupid like leaning on the bar counter.

I point to the large bag of food in front of Elsa. "You trying to bulk up for the fall or something?"

She giggles, "No, dummy, the other one's for you."

What?

"Uh, you...wh- huh? For me?"

"Mmhmm!" She replies excitedly. "Figured you might be hungry after work so I thought I'd get you some dinner."

"Elsa that's...gotta be like one of the top five nicest things anyone's ever done for me." And she even remembered that I hate pickles. I mean I'm assuming that the pickle-free burger is for me.

"Ah don't mention it. I felt like doing it, that's all."

"No seriously! I could..." Kiss you. "...hug you."

"Well how about I pencil you in for one hug when you get back," she says amused, oblivious to my almost catastrophic mistake. "I'll put your food in the oven so it doesn't get cold. See you in a bit, okay?"

"Okay!" Wow, settle down girl.

Elsa leaves the diner and, with the shamefulness of a thousand degenerates, I watch her jean-clad hips sway on her way out. Gah, why does she have to have such a nice everything?!

I've got it bad.

So, so bad.