I have had a few people recently ask me about how and why I became involved with Plexus Slim. These questions take me on a crazy walk down memory lane that even my closest friends in the world have never seen or heard about- more or less because I was always afraid of people knowing who I really was, or what I thought about, obsessed about and wrote about every day in my journal. They say that when you are finally happy and accepting of yourself and your life, you are able to let go of the negative and I have recently learned that this is SO true. I’m letting go of the things that have held me down and held me back…and I’m ready to share my journey with you.

When I was 12 years old, I learned what being ‘skinny’ meant. I learned that it was desirable, that everyone longed to be thin with a flat stomach, thin arms, thin legs, you know…the whole deal… and I knew that I wasn’t 'that’. I obsessed over it. I thought my feet were too big, so I only wore shoes that covered them…a size too small for me, hated that I was taller than the rest of my class (believe it or not, but I was 5'2 in 5th grade, the same height I am today) and hated that my legs and arms were so muscular from all of the dance training I had endured through the years already. I grew so quickly that I noticed tiny marks on my hips and butt that weren’t there before…my mom told me that they were just stretch marks and that every girl gets them. ONLY STRETCH MARKS?! No. Only fat people get stretch marks. I must be fat…because that’s what the magazines had been saying in their 'Best Beach Bodies’ section. I wanted to be like the girls on TV, the pretty, skinny girls that everyone liked.

I stopped eating for a while and then would binge eat for a day, then not eat, then binge eat…the routine was endless for the next 3 years. Not eating meant getting thin and seeing my hipbones show like my friend’s did. I tried my first cheap grocery store 'diet pill’ at 14 that I got from a friend of mine that was a little bit older and I instantly loved the feeling of the cold sweats and jitters that it gave me…because that meant that it was working…right?. I bought a bottle for myself and doubled the 'recommended’ dosage (for anyone 18+ that is)…and within weeks, through the cold sweats and jitters…there were my glorious hipbones. My face was Casper white, my hair began to thin and I had black circles under my eyes that made me look like I hadn’t slept in a week. But those hipbones were the only thing that mattered to me. My friends and family started noticing my appearance and were constantly asking if I was okay..“I just didn’t sleep enough” or “I’m just not feeling very well today” were always my reply. I thought I looked great. I stopped taking a lunch to school and casually just hung out with friends and socialized during lunch either by walking with them to get their food, having a few bites from theirs or saying I had 'forgotten my lunch money’ to distract from the fact that I hadn’t eaten…and wasn’t planning on it.

By 10th grade, my obsession had taken a nasty turn. The internet (though we still had dial up at my house) was becoming my go-to every night. I found a forum where girls wrote about their eating disorders and how they lived their day to day lives hiding it from their friends and families. One post was from a girl with Bulimia who would eat regularly like everyone else while she was in public, and then throw it all up the minute she had time alone. Now, I had heard of Bulimia before but didn’t really know what it was. I skipped breakfast the next morning and then ate lunch in the cafeteria with my friend…then went to the bathroom after I had eaten and tossed it all. It was a new found energy and empowerment over myself. I was in complete control of whatever I chose to eat, and I could just throw it up whenever I wanted. That night I went to McDonald’s with my friend before dance class- same thing again.

I. Felt. Unstoppable.

It became like a game to me, I’d see how many times I could throw up a day, where and when and began to form a routine of when I would do it and where. My main concern then…was that nobody could find out, not even my best friends. ESPECIALLY not my best friends. I began smoking and drinking, partying way too much and ignoring my internal issues by literally forcing myself to forget that they existed.

I sported the 'Casper face’ and black circles under my eyes until I graduated high school…it became just what I 'looked like’…keeping up with my routine through school, my competitive dance life and my social life. I had grown so accustomed to it that I started making excuses to leave to go to the bathroom so quickly that I hadn’t even realized what I said until after I had left. I had a secret bottle of Hydroxycut diet pills at home in my drawer in case I needed that extra 'feeling’ of accomplishment at the end of the day.

After I graduated, I got a great job working for a very well known cruise line as an entertainer. I knew I had to try to look better and that I couldn’t have these black circles and my current 'routine’ would need to change. I talked myself into eating regularly again and made it through 6 months of not purging my food. I gained about 13 pounds in that time and it was noticeable- my family kept saying I looked 'healthy’ and I wanted to punch them all on their mouths every time they said anything. Healthy wasn’t skinny. I had been on the ship for about 3 months when the urge in the back of my mind found its way back to me again. There is was- right in front of me in the bathroom…that 'high’ feeling of being in control was back. I was back. I found excuses all the time to go back to my room because I 'forgot’ something or 'needed’ something so that I could have those 5 minutes alone to feel good about myself.

When I was 19, I kept getting pains in my side- excruciating pains that would go on for hours and then just stop out of the blue. I went to the ER a few times and the doctor said nothing useful- prescribed me some meds and sent me on my merry way back home. They were becoming more frequent and even MORE excruciating than they had been. Finally, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis - which is a disorder where my uterine lining grows outside of the uterus and attaches itself to my other organs. I had been having ovarian cysts that were bursting at random, and still to this day, have them. My endo has been a huge problem the past few years - cysts in both my ovaries and my Fallopian tubes (which is graphic and gross, I know). The pain, alone, is unbearable some days and I am still learning about the disease every day.

Even after my diagnosis, I continued to purge.

I hit my peak at 20 where I was throwing up anywhere from 10-20 times a day, whenever I had a break. I loved my secret from the world. I had gone almost 4 years without a single person knowing about it- not my friends, boyfriends, family members, room mates…you name it, they didn’t know. I was finally skinny, I still had muscular thighs and arms but I could see lines where they had formed…and that was good enough for me. At this point in the realm of internet, 'thinspo’ had become a thing…and I was an avid collarbone and hipbone supporter. I was there, just like all of those other girls. I didn’t see it as a problem or a disease or a sickness or an illness…it was my lifestyle that I had worked so hard to accomplish. I eventually told my boyfriend (who is now my fiancee) about it and even after getting it off my chest to another human being, I still kept doing it. My health was deteriorating, my hair was thinner than ever so I wore hair extensions to cover it up, my teeth began to yellow , my enamel became weak, my fingernails were yellow, my organs were hating me and I had bladder infections, kidney infections etc. I didn’t think these things were from Bulimia…I just thought they were normal occurrences that people had.

I was driving to band practice one night in a town about 20 minutes away from my parent’s house when I suddenly had shortness of breath and began having a panic attack on the road. I pulled into a store on the roadside and called Ethan in a panic..I didn’t know what to do. Anxiety attacks had become frequent but this one was out of the park. He asked what I had eaten that day and I couldn’t even answer. I knew that he knew what was going on…I had told him…but hearing someone tell you that you have a problem is never an easy thing to cope with. I sat and cried for an hour on the side of the road thinking about the decisions I had made in my life and what I had put myself through for almost a decade. All just to look how I 'thought’ I should look based on what the magazines told me. I was dead inside…everything that I was doing was ruining my body and took me over so badly that I didn’t even notice that it really was a problem. I wasted so many years making excuses for my behavior and my terrible brain fog, wasted so much time in front of the mirror or measuring myself just to see if I had lost anything. It was clear to me that I had a problem…and I needed to fix it before it killed me.



It broke my heart to tell my mom what had been going on- and I know it broke her heart too… but my mom had known already (mom instinct) that something was wrong and was so supportive once I had told her. She still to this day doesn’t know the full extent, and to tell you the truth, this is the only time I have ever admitted it fully. I was so ashamed of myself for doing what I did, and unfortunately now, I will live with the consequences of its impact on my body for the rest of my life. My endometriosis was worsened by bulimia and has decreased my chances of ever being able to have children. Ethan and I are at a point in our lives where we are actually looking forward to having children and the frustration of my body not doing what it was meant to do can be overwhelming some days. It’s a nasty chain of unfortunate events caused by my 12 year old obsession, but it’s one that I will overcome. I am so happy and proud to say that I overcame bulimia before it took complete toll of me for the rest of my life…and I’m so thankful that I had the 2 best supporters in my life to help me, even if they feel like they didn’t do much, knowing I had them was enough.

I am now 22 and the happiest I have ever been. I have taken that drive I once had for 'perfection’ and put it to use by educating myself on proper heath and nutrition, exercise and well-being. It’s funny, really, that once I put my problems behind me and am using my energy for great things…my body is in the best shape it has ever been! I love to keep my diet clean, work out when I can, teach dance lessons and write music. These have grown into my new passions rather than obsessions, healthy ones! I began working for Plexus Slim because it’s an all natural and HEALTHY way for people to manage their weight and keep their energy boosted. Desiring to lose weight to increase your health should be a positive thing. I am so passionate about Plexus because it DOES work…and it doesn’t include harmful ingredients or steroid drugs to increase your heart rate… I know what it’s like to do these things the wrong way…and I really want to help and inspire people to better themselves in a positive way. I never had a positive role model for weight management in my life and I let my mind take over into what I thought was right based off of the media’s interpretation. I see this happening far too often and it kills me to think that there are people that go home and constantly do what I did. I want to be a positive voice and help to steer people’s goals in wellness in the right direction. Plexus gives me the opportunity to do this- I love answering questions about the products and helping with advice on nutrition and well being…I have been reading up and studying it all for so long now that I am so confident in my advice to my clients. I love helping people find their healthy journey to wellness, and I am so happy that it has now become a big part of my career.

If you made it to the end of this post, thank you for reading, this was hard for me to say but I’m so happy that I am finally ready to let it go!! I hope that it will reach someone in need of help or inspiration and help steer them out of what could be a deadly mistake. Your life is worth it, and you are beautiful…everyone is beautiful. Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, whether that means a new hair cut, a new tube of mascara, dropping the last 5 pounds of their goal weight, changing up their style…you name it. I know that these issues can be hard to speak about but please talk to someone if you are having trouble. If you need someone to talk to about anything, my (metaphorical and literal) door is always open. I want to promote a healthy lifestyle and want to share my new found happiness with the world!

<3

misfitgypsy.plexus@gmail.com