UPDATE

For those who have already bought the best male sex toy on the market, the Autoblow2, no further explanation is required. Except to let you know that they have released an Autoblow2 easy-grip handle. This was one of the accessories I wished they had when it first came out during their indigogo campaign, but it’s here now and it takes this toy to another level. Check it out here. For those who don’t know what the hell I’m talking about or haven’t heard of the Autoblow2+, keep reading.

Interested in unlimited blow jobs on-demand? Sick of having a wife or girlfriend that won’t go down either because she hates the site of your ugly mammothian engorged member, or she just doesn’t like to give head? Or perhaps you just prefer the solo game? Well regardless of your reasons you’re in luck, because the recently realized autoblow 2 will take care of your needs without any of the hassle! Now don’t get me wrong, my wife is pretty good with the blow job thing, in fact she will go down on me pretty much anywhere I want it anytime I want it, so I’m admittedly lucky; but even I have to admit that there are times that I would enjoy getting my dick sucked without the chitchat, or the tears (just kidding fellas, I’m as gentle as they cum); and the autoblow 2 looks to provide just that.

Crowdfunded on IndieGogo in 2014 (the campaign made more than $235,000 over it’s original goal of $45,000) the autoblow 2 is the Maytag of automated fellatio. Dependable and reliable, the device is completely hands-free; all you need to do is plug it in, add some water-based lubricant and it goes to work massaging your shaft with dual rings of beads sliding along a sleeve made from an artificial skin like material. Just insert your penis and the up and down motion results in some simulated sucking action, emulating a mouth moving up and down your cock – and who doesn’t like the idea of a nag-free BJ?!

With three different sizes of interchangeable sleeves you’re pretty well guaranteed a good fit (unless you’re freakishly endowed or your name is Nick Gilronan) and while you are likely to need to replace the sleeve now and again if you’re a regular user (and you will be) the sleeves are well affordable at less than $50 a pop and the company promises about 500 hours of action before anything craps out. This isn’t a sex toy, it’s a sex appliance and it’s built to last.

What about keeping it hidden? After all, nobody wants to get caught with their pants down being auto-fellated and wearing a VRHMD, it just looks weird. Measuring in at about 9 inches tall and a little under 4 1/2 inches wide and with a sound somewhat akin to the windshield wipers on your vehicle, the device is anything but discreet. In fact I would rank it somewhere along the lines of the sherman tank category of sex toys (oops, appliances), it’s big and it’s bulky and it gets the job done; but who said a dick sucking machine was supposed to be used with discretion anyhow? No, this is something you wait until you’re alone to use, unless of course, your partner doesn’t get jealous about a machine that can do a better job.

“How much is this thing going to cost me?”

Well, while the device is a tad on the expensive side in comparison at least to most of the teledildonics devices that we have reviewed here on the site – retailing at around $180 US – I have yet to find anything else at this price point that gives head, so I think it is more than justifiable. It also comes with a 6 month warranty on everything but the sleeves and that 500 hour motor rating, so if you are particularly aggressive with your ummm, interactions – you won’t have much to worry about, at least not for a good while down the road.

“So what about connectivity/interactivity a la teledildonics?”

Unfortunately that is where the device falls short; there is none, period. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time doing something like watching virtualrealporn.com with this thing pleasuring your penis, it just means you’ll have to use a little more of your imagination. Besides, none of those other devices are designed to suck your dick so there is a little bit of a trade-off here, and who knows? Perhaps if the autoblow 2 does as well as we think it will there could be an autoblow 3 somewhere in the near future that might provide such functionality.

So if after reading this article you’re thinking of buying one (and why wouldn’t you, it’s a machine that sucks your dick) the company is currently offering an extended Valentine’s Day Mega Sale ending today, just use the code “NOHANDS” when checking out and enjoy $40 off getting your dick sucked for the foreseeable future.

Which I might add is much less than you would pay for a decent hooker.

Oh, and you can get one here.