Toronto media: You’ve been punked.

Lured – ahem, “invited” – to the Ford matriarch’s Etobicoke estate in anticipation of big news only to be sold a book promo.

The presentation should have come with a zipper alert: “This is an advertisement.” Not to be mistaken for news.

I wouldn’t call it a LIE, how Doug Ford reeled in reporters under false pretenses Tuesday morning. He never said boo about declaring a run for mayor or the legislature or the federal Tory party leadership – all of which had been speculated as soon as the advisory dropped. Enticed only with “a very exciting and special announcement.”

LIES and LIED – terms Ford used 23 times during his stand-up, with one LYIN’ thrown in there.

Media abuse of his bro’, former mayor of Toronto Rob Ford, and their family, big sib Doug squawked. So now he, with whatever input was provided by the late Ford before his death in March, is going to set the record straight in Ford Nation: Two Brothers, One Vision – The True Story of the People’s Mayor. He called it the untold story. I’m calling it revenge porn.

There’s a Chinese proverb: He who seeks vengeance must dig two graves – one for his enemy and one for himself.

Hear Doug Ford tell it, this account might well be titled The Avengers. “You read this book, it will rock the political world, it will rock the media world, I can assure you.”

Far as I know, nobody in the famiglia has ever successfully sued the Star for libel. Can’t even recall a correction published – and Lord knows our paper hands out corrections at the drop of a hat, even for typos.

Journalists are hard-wired never to sue for libel, though believe me, I’ve been tempted. Still, I’d encourage my friend and former Star reporter Robyn Doolittle, now an investigative journalist with the Globe and Mail, to slap Doug with a slander action, the way he heaped a pile o’ bull into her Tuesday.

See, everybody else – with the exception of one fart-catching columnist who meets with Doug Ford’s approval, the only Good Guy cited by name chez Mrs. Ford Tuesday – bore false witness to Rob et al before, during and after that woeful mayoralty, a time of wrack and wrath at city hall. All fabulists and frauds, steeped in mendacity. Funny though, as he was spitting out the LIES, how Doug Ford never once mentioned the nose-stretchers issued by Rob.

To wit(less):

“I am 100 per cent done with booze.”

“I’m not a drug addict. I don’t use drugs.”

“I don’t drink.”

“It’s hard to be thrown out of a hockey game when you weren’t even there.”

“I’m dead serious. When I say no, I mean never. No question. Now I’m getting offended.” (Ford to the Sun on whether he was charged with marijuana possession.)

“I completely forgot about it until you mentioned it right now.’’ (Upon being presented with evidence he’d been charged with driving under the influence and possession of marijuana in Miami. Ford pleaded no contest to the impaired driving offence and the drug charge subsequently dropped in the 1999 incident.)

“When a guy’s taking pictures of little kids, I don’t want to say the word, but you start thinking, you know, what’s this guy all about?” Referring to the false claim that Star reporter Daniel Dale had been peering over his backyard fence, an allegation later retracted under the threat of a lawsuit. “I should not have said what I did, and I wholly retract my statements and apologize to Mr. Dale without reservation for what I said.”

“If you don’t see a difference in me in five months, then I’ll eat my words. I’ve had a come-to-Jesus moment if you want to call it that.” (Nov. 18, 2013, six months before going into a drug-rehab program and shortly after a video surfaced of Ford smoking crack cocaine.)

“Absolutely not true. These allegations are ridiculous.” After the Star and Gawker reported they’d seen video of the mayor smoking crack and making homophobic statements about Liberal leader Justin Trudeau.

On the video an incoherent Ford may have referred to Trudeau as a “fat d--k” rather than a “fag.” And that’s what this Ford wants to hang his hat on?

“I’m still waiting for an apology from the prime minister when he called Rob out for saying something that he never said.”

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Yet “crack” never passed Doug Ford’s lips.

You know, I’ve no desire to take this trip down Memory U-turn and would prefer to let the late mayor rest in peace. But if Doug insists on disinterring the past, then he’s the one who’ll end up with slime on his hands. And he’s clearly reveling in that prospect because Doug Ford is a mud-slinger of spectacular proportions, like a pig in slop. And like all bullies, he binges on threats.

“The story’s going to come out and each and every one of you may be in the story.”

“Again, look forward to you seeing your name in one of these books, heh-heh.”

But oh no, Doug Ford won’t profit one penny from sales of the twisted history, which he says will be distributed among the family’s favourite charities. Well bully for you, DoFo. See, newspapers that documented the tumultuous life of Rob Ford, they were just trying to bump circulation and rake in advertising dollars. Just as the authors of Ford books – including the mayor’s chief of staff and loyal lieutenant – were merely out to line their own pockets. This accusation from a Ford scion, Doug, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, inheritor of his father’s label-printing business.

The Fords have no more in common with the working stiffs they so righteously claim to serve than I do with the Duchess of Cambridge.

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, except this treatise is presumably not intended as satire.

“This is a book that’s going to be calling out people, other politicians that skated, that never had any issues … never went after politicians that were drinking, were doing drugs, but they were untouched, they were unscathed.”

Further: “The organized special interests groups are in this. The courts, when they tried to bring (Rob) to court for raising money for a football foundation, which is staggering, never anything for personal gain. The vicious, vicious full-out attack from Chief Bill Blair, that’s going to be in here. The attacks through the courts. The attacks through all the backroom deals with the Liberal government provincially.”

Cover price: $32.99, out Nov. 22.

“This is going to be a great, great Christmas gift,” Doug Ford proclaims. “This is going to be a best-seller, mark my words, a best-seller like this country has never seen before.”

Stocking stuffer?

Stuff it, Doug.

Rosie DiManno usually appears Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.

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