MOUNTAIN VIEW, Cal. (The Borowitz Report)—While billions around the world await the Mayan Apocalypse this Friday with increasing dread, there is palpable excitement about it at the headquarters of Google, Inc., which is preparing what its C.E.O. is calling “our most awesome Google Doodle ever.”

“People are freaking out about the world coming to an end—I totally get that,” said the Google C.E.O. Larry Page in a conference call with reporters. “But at Google we view the Apocalypse as a unique opportunity. This company was founded with the goal to ‘organize the world’s information’ and we see the next three days as our chance to get that done.”

As for the marching orders that Page gave to Google’s team of designers: “The world is going to be destroyed and mankind will cease to exist. Make Google the last page they see, and give us one last chance to serve them tracking cookies.”

With the ancient Mayan prophets predicting that on Friday the earth will crash into a comet, collide with the planet Nibiru, or burn to a crisp in a mammoth solar storm, “our designers have had a lot of cool stuff to work with,” Mr. Page said.

Mr. Page said that a buzz-worthy home page is crucial to what he sees as Google’s final mission on Earth: “We want to communicate to billions of people that this is the last day of human history, so maybe they should finally sign up for Google Plus.”

When reminded that the end of the world would mean the end of Google, too, Mr. Page was philosophical: “As long as it also means the end of Apple and Microsoft, I’m fine with that.”

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Photograph by Steven Puetzer/Corbis.