9. Xxxx Rouge

I felt the blood pumping oxygen into the muscle tissue on my thighs and calves. My body was preparing for an escape. I hear the take out box impacting on the floor and the door slamming behind me. My feet slamming hard on the floor as I hurry up the stairs. Is this really the only thing I could have come up with, running away again, running away from her. Running away from everything, for good this time. What other reason will there for me going to the roof of the building but to jump off.

I got to the door leading to the roof top, I extend my right arm to reach for the knob and then my chin and sternum thudding against the cold tiles as Anna dives in a tackle from behind me. She turns me, so I have to face her and immobilizes me by sitting on my hips. My hands try to hide my face from her in shame, but she intercepts them, gripping on my wrists as shackles over my head pinning them onto the floor. Even now, when she is looking at me with tears and showing her teeth in anger and disappointment, I can't help but to feel extremely aroused by the situation.

A salty drop runs down my cheek and pooled in the lobe of my ear, I don't know whom tear this is, all I can think about is Anna straddling me and over powering me with ease. And then I see her face again, guilt corroding me from inside out.

I can her Anna voice as if it was a far, "Please, stop, I'll won't push you, just please stop trying to… just stop, please. You can't do this to me Elsa, I promised you I would be there when things get hard and you might not see the light. I know how you feel, like you have no control over your life, but let me remind you that, you don't, I do." Her forehead against mine, her breathing feeble with sobbing, our noses brushing as an eskimo kiss, her hands freeing mine. Every tiny transparent hair in my body erects as if galvanized in response.

When I cut myself, I hurt her, when I don't eat, I hurt her, when I neglect my health, I hurt her. A mantra I thought not needing anymore. There was a point in my life when the only way I thought I had control over the 'perfect life' my parents expected of me, was to hurt my skin. I never left marks, but Anna figured it out anyway. She broke into the bathroom one time, said nothing and took her skirt off, she then asked me to cut the skin on her inner thigh, I couldn't do something like that to her. She explained how cutting myself hurts her the same as if I was slicing her skin. She saved me from that and many other dangerous habits, she saved me so many times.

She is right, my life is hers and her life is mine. Why am I so afraid of… our love? Even after talking to Rory and Malena, the slightest drop of doubt send me back to the worst of my mental state. I'm afraid of her despise if I confess, and, I fear her loving me if I confess. Her career as a professional athlete, having a family of her own or the white dress, all those possibilities buried by our unnatural love. That is why I had to run, I am a coward.

"Elsa, don't do it, don't jump, promise me you will never try something as stupid as that." She shouted as if a whisper, her eyes tired of crying and glassy. What am I supposed to say? How many promises am I willing to break just to keep this secret from her?

My silence was getting her impatient, even I could read her emotions afloat on her delicate face. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. No matter my answer, the damage was done, and I had no where to run off to.

"A k—kiss"

Silence, so quiet, I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. Anna blinked confused and made me wish I had better social skills. "If you kiss me, Anna, I promise you to never hurt you like this ever again."

"I… guess I could do that," she said with a smile. I need to make myself clear, I can't run away from this.

"No, Anna. A kiss, a real one. If you do… I will do anything you want, I will be what ever you need from me. I'll take therapy, or not, which ever you tell me to I…"

"I… we can't. That is a line that we should never cross, even if some of the other rules don't apply to us, that one… Please Elsa, think about the consequences." Anna's sight avoiding contact with me, she was caught off guard by my request of course. This was a mistake.

Then why was I flickering between her pale mayan blue eyes and her pink lips and parting my own? Why were my hands massaging the back of her head? Why were Anna's mirroring the action onto my platinum hair?

Why are we kissing?

Not chaste, not pure, a kiss reserved for lovers and sinners, the kind of kiss forbidden to kin. A kiss made for us. My first kiss.

My heart is beating fast, my face is boiling, a million ants walking on my skin, her plump lips guiding my unexperienced flesh. Her head tilting to her left, her lips trapping my lower lip, I can feel as she creates a vacuum pulling it softly. Her tongue licking my lips from bottom to upper lip, I don't know how to reciprocate to that. Mirror Anna never taught me how to kiss a real person.

And then, she slowly backs away, her chest pumping in a fast rate, I myself am a panting mess on the floor. "What are we doing Elsa?" Anna's eyes glowing with a tint of sadness. She stood up, offering me her forearm to help me get on my feet. "I think we should talk back in the room, if you want to." I did not responded but lowered me head in submission and blinked slowly. She understood and guided me by the hand back to our room.

The first thing we noticed was the dragon box on the floor, it was pretty resilient as it survived in one piece holding it contents in. I picked it up gently, the smell leaking thru the cardboard aches like a needle inserting in my stomach, I'm so hungry. Anna is gazing at me, a half cooked smile forming on her face, "We can eat first, the talk can wait, I'm hungry like a dog to be honest..."

We sat next to each other, the box was small, we had to, even if it felt different than before, is this what they mean by crossing the line. As we ate the most delicious take out ever, we never had eaten this round pastries before, the pork and cabbage inside them was a treat. I wish we had tasted these while they were hot… yet something else I ruined today. C'mon Elsa, we promised her to be better, let's not go down this road again. Easy for you to say, you can always hide again in the deepest of my brain whenever the situation gets too real, yet, you are right.

We ate in silence, well not entirely, Anna kept letting me know how much she was enjoying our meal by moaning cheerfully as the pork, spices and pastry mixed in her mouth… and on her tongue, the same tongue that tasted my lips for the first time. I miss her lips already.

I'm staring, and Anna noticed, how wouldn't she I'm so obvious. Her eyebrows trying to meet at the middle as she frowned, she kept her gaze on me, I felt judged, but I can't deny how much I love the attention, her attention.

Back in our elementary years I remember having the test results jitters, most kids have them I guess, most kids were nervous about showing their grades to their parents, us, we were excited to share our test results to one another. Back then we were pretty much a person twice, we both had pigtails or a ponytail or a bun, but, it was always symmetry. Of course things began to change as we grew older.

"Elsa, do you wanna talk to me now?" Anna's hands on my knee, her eyes trying for submission and comforting, her shoulders relaxed. No more running away?

"Anna, I hope you can forgive me, I don't expect you to understand it, but, if my truth does not make you dread me, I'll accept it." My body was trembling, Anna kept on her act of pretending to be the most understanding person in the world, it was not helping that much to be honest, my eyes locked with hers, my breathing stills… "I love you Anna. No, before you say anything, no, not in a normal way. I love you for the woman you are, the girl you were, I love you as a woman. The way flesh and bone is not supposed to. I don't know when it started, but it has not gotten better. I love you so much it's driving me mad..." That last bit hurt me as it came out of my lips, my eyes left her concerned ones. She was quiet, no advice, no reproach, no surprised gasp, no jokes, it was killing me, this was not my Anna.

"Love usually does that, it drives people crazy. Elsa, that is obvious, you didn't asked me for a 'real kiss' in a sisterly way. And that was not the first time either, you had given me those same looks since we were in high school. And there's the wig..." No, how does she knows, she couldn't, "Elsa, calm down, I would never stop loving you. Please just breathe in slowly… this changes nothing between us."

Was it that obvious, is my face and body language that poor? I'm an idiot, Rory was right, she has known all along. All I've been doing is concealing and pushing her away, expecting her to save me from the truth, when I just had to be honest and let her in, let her help me. "So, you knew everything, about the wig, about my feelings for you. Am I so bad at lying?"

"Not really, I just know all your tricks, twitches and tells. I'm your twin, Elsa," she is smiling again, this is actually working, "trying to lie to me would be like lying to a mirror."

"So, you found the wig. I guess I'm also terrible at hiding actual things as well." A bashful smile and an itching in the back of my neck.

"Didn't need to, Elsa, I sold it to you. You knew I was working at the shop that day, remember that I missed our lunch date because of it. And I was pretty surprised when you visited me, well I thought you were there to see me, but you were like a zombie just ignoring everything but the wig I braided a few days ago. I tried to be funny and put on a long brown haired wig and did my worse posh accent, but you just ignored me. Then I simply thought, 'when she brings it up, we will have a laugh about it', but you kept it hidden from me, just like everything else..." she trailed off, clearly disappointed. This is killing her, I have to stop this pain somehow.

"I couldn't sleep by myself on that vacant room, that is why I bought it in the first place, a reminiscence of you. I moved my bed so I could lay looking at the mirror on the door and pretended you were there. It's insane but, it worked, after a month I finally could slept… alone." I held myself crossing my arms low on my rib cage, the truth as liberating as it felt, it was also as a cold ice prick stinging on my chest. But it melted. Anna stood up and hold me tightly to her heart, the heat flowing into me as if in a transfusion. "It took me a month away from you to finally realize about my feelings, and how important you are to me. I was so happy when the social worker-"

"I lied to you Elsa," Anna sounded frustrated, her face was hidden in our embrace, "that woman wanted to keep us apart, just like mom, just like that stupid room assigning computer. I just needed… you, here, with me, where you belong." Her hands slid down my arms, she took a step back face in tears, her fingers finding their place between my own. "But we can't, it doesn't matter how I feel or how much you want it, the world will never allow us to be together".

"Anna, I need to hear it from your lips, I need to hear you say it." My throat felt dry, I swallowed heavy spit in anticipation, was this the moment I had fantasize about for so long.

"Even I tried to distance us, to accept us having to grow, finding a boyfriend, getting a life apart. And then a month a days after, all that I had in my head was you. I had a plan even, to keep my emotions at bay, to date someone, we would graduate and then… if it happened then, well at least we would have a degree to fall onto. Oh, that was so mom." A weak smile on her doleful face, ashamed by her actions, whether the past ones or the most recent ones, that I was unable to read from her body language.

I freed my hands to wipe away the tears that had found its way to the valley of her clavicles, I was so close to her, so that our hearts where supporting each others rhythm. My flannel shirt brushing against her loose sport salmon tank top. My lips trapping Anna's soft plump ones, our eyes closed, the oppressing world around us blurred and quiet. No one judging us, no one censoring us, nothing but our love in the flesh. Her hands roam my back until the roughness of my jeans is under her skin, blood rushing to my face and neck. My tongue venturing thru Anna's lips, exploring, massaging, learning from her delightful wordless sounds of pleasure.

I kiss the curve of her neck, breathing in her scent mixed with a feeble trace of magnolia and cloves from her perfume. My left right hand descending towards my most feared obsession, but as soon as my fingers reach the hem of her black tight leggings I am met by a high pitch gasp and her hand stopping my advance.

"We c—can't El—Elsa!" She looked afraid, not of me, of what she was feeling, just like I used to be.

"I won't, I will wait for you, Anna. No matter how much time you need, I will be patient, just like you were patient when I needed space, when I was broken in a thousand pieces and you fixed me one by one… We can wait".

Author's Note: Hello, Hi, He7 there. As I warned this will be a short story. We are close to It. Thank you xdunoir from reddit for the cover art. And how about the first taste ?v=FjCjpWgFUdE