It’s Friday, we’re not in the mood to do anything serious because Christmas, so let’s take a look at something a little bit out there. The case for Donald Trump to become the next Athletic Director for Purdue University. In short: How to Make Purdue Great Again.

Because, why not?





We’ll look at the main things one would for any applicant for a job: the candidate’s desire, fit, ability, and mentality. As an added bonus, we’ll find out his opinion on some fellow Big Ten schools.

Desire:

He may be looking for a new opportunity soon. Or not. I’ll leave the politics out of this, but there’s a chance that by football season next year he’ll be looking for something on which to focus his energy. He likes a challenge. I’m not saying Purdue is the biggest athletic department challenge in the book, but the financial shortcomings of the football team have led to a potential revenue crisis for Purdue Athletics. As he said in his 2007 book Think Big and Kick Ass, “Rich people are rich because they solve difficult problems. You must learn to thrive on problems.” Boy, does Purdue have some problems that could use a self proclaimed very smart man. He doesn’t want to go to a big name Athletic Department. As he said in 2011, “You know the funny thing, I don’t get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.” Trump has long championed himself as a common man, albeit by his own description, a very very rich common man. No big name donors? No problem!

Fit:

He will be well received at Purdue. His poll numbers show quite some strength in the Hoosier State, and Purdue’s President, Mitch Daniels, came to Purdue after his stint in politics as Governor of Indiana. Why not Trump? He’d probably do it for little to no pay, but naming rights. Trump Field at Ross-Ade Stadium? Sure, I don’t like it, but if the team contends for Big Ten Championships in multiple sports annually, I think I’ll deal. Oregon has Nike, Maryland has Under Armour, Purdue (an engineering school, mind you) can have a man known for tall buildings. Seems appropriate. He seems to really like (Old?) Gold. No need to redecorate!

Ability:

He believes in the value of education. I can already see our Academic Progress Rate skyrocketing. Quote Trump, “It doesn`t hurt to get more education.” He believes in the value of a brand. He certainly has branded himself with a flair for the unique. The swagger could be the kick in the tail that Purdue needs. From his book, Midas Touch, “building a brand may be more important than building a business.” Trump understands that running Purdue Athletics wouldn’t be about just keeping the group financially afloat (that’s important, of course), but he also recognizes the value of talking big and self-promotion. In short, getting Purdue’s name out won’t win games immediately, but it may attract talent that could change the destiny of, say, Purdue’s football woes. He can pump a ton of money into the program to win. When talking about his candidacy for Purdue AD (or President of the United States, I forget which) Trump said, “That’s one of the nice things. I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich. So if I need $600 million, I can put $600 million myself. That’s a huge advantage. I must tell you, that’s a huge advantage over the other candidates.” $600 million of self funding would really help the athletic department in regards to not only facilities and recruiting, but the general ledger of Purdue as a whole. He can leverage his relationships to help recruit. Normally it’s beyond the scope of an AD to attract athletic talent, but with Trump, it would be easy. His ties to Tom Brady would certainly impress any young QB out there, and his fascination with golf would surely lead to one of the more impressive courses in the world to be built in West Lafayette. Who says we can’t have the next Jordan Spieth?

Mentality

He doesn’t like to lose. Clear as can be, from the New York Times in 1983: “I don’t like to lose.” He expects to win. “We will have so much winning if I get elected that you may get bored with winning.” I could get used to that. He is a lot like the Purdue Twitter crowd. As he said to CNN on August 10 of this year: “ I do whine because I want to win, and I’m not happy about not winning, and I am a whiner, and I keep whining and whining until I win.”

Rivalry

He hates Nebraska: In regards to Nebraska born Chuck Hagel:





Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel seems so lost and, frankly, dumb. He can’t even speak properly. Poor leader in these very dangerous times! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 23, 2014

He hates Illinois: In regards to Champaign, IL native George Will

George Will is a political moron. Last month he said Romney couldn’t win. — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 9, 2012

He hates Maryland: In regards to Carly Fiorina, famous alumna of Maryland’s MBA program:

I just realized that if you listen to Carly Fiorina for more than ten minutes straight, you develop a massive headache. She has zero chance! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 9, 2015

He hates Penn State: In regards to Penn State alum Rick Santorum: “I have a big plane. He doesn’t.”

Conclusion: If this wasn’t enough to convince you that the next Purdue AD should be Donald Trump, there’s just nothing I can do to convince you. However, if you disagree with me, I’ll leave you this little piece of wisdom: “There are people—I categorize them as life’s losers—who get their sense of accomplishment and achievement from trying to stop others. As far as I’m concerned, if they had any real ability they wouldn’t be fighting me, they’d be doing something constructive themselves.”

You’ll certainly see nothing like that from Morgan Burke.