A young wannabe DJ has been left embarrassed, ashamed and friendless after becoming ostracized by his peers following an incident where he mistakenly identified a tech-house track as being full on techno.

Alan Fisher, a 19 year old college student, had been at a party with some friends listening to dance music when the gaffe took place.

“We were listening to that song, ‘Rosinenbomber ‘ by Pan-Pot and I just stupidly blurted out, ‘I fucking love techno’ because I was enjoying the track so much.”

“Faces just dropped around me,” continued Alan. “Initially I thought I might have misspoke or shat myself, such was the disgust in the faces of my so-called friends. But when I checked my pants there wasn’t any piss or shit stains there so I knew there was something in what I said that made them suddenly hate me.”

“One of the guys there, Jake, who always wore plunging v-neck t-shirts, still had his wristbands from all the cool festivals and claimed to have played in Berlin during the summer, said to me in a really smarmy tone ‘Oh, you love techno,’ he asked. ‘But what do you think of tech-house?’ and then laughed in my face,” recounted an upset Alan. “They all started pointing and laughing while shaking their heads and saying ‘fucking idiot, thinking tech-house was techno. Why are we even friends with this guy?'”

“Sure I found it hard not to cry and I think I did a good job of it. Did I cry in the end? A few tears. But only as much as anyone in that situation would cry,” claimed Alan. “I just got out of there as fast as I could. When I was leaving they were shouting ‘don’t let the door hit you in your undiscerning fat ears on the way out’ It was extremely hurtful because my ears are quite fat,” he moaned as he unconsciously tugged his earlobe.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be friends with those guys again,” concluded Alan. “I just don’t know why genres are so important to them. It’s like the genre of music they like is wrapped up with their sense of identity and other genres aren’t just different styles of music but attacks on their own sense of self. It’s a shame really, they should embrace all styles of dance music,” suggested a pensive Alan. “Except for commercial, electro-house, EDM garf. That shit can’t die a death quick enough.”