Before we go any further, let me just say that every fact you read here is based on a single Instagram post made by Teyana Taylor, singer and fiancée of Cleveland Cavaliers guard Iman Shumpert. They are strange facts, and I present them to you here at face value.

So: on Wednesday, Taylor, who was carrying Shumpert's daughter, went into labor. Taylor did not notice, she says, until the head of little Iman -- whom the couple announced in September they would be naming after Shumpert in spite of her being, you know, a her -- began to emerge.

Okay.

Shumpert sprang into action, delivering their daughter in the bathroom.

"[I]t took two ten count pushes with my fiancé playing Dr and she entered this world into his bare hands!" writes Taylor.

Sure. Fine.

Taylor writes that Iman Shumpert then tied "a pair of red headphones" around the umbilical cord, and welcomed their daughter to the world.

The cynics among us might doubt that these events could have occurred as described. Or worse: that the story is a promotion for an unnamed headphone company that puts headphones on every last athlete head it can find. Who can say! In any case, better keep some extra headphones around. Just to be safe.

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