— Kenny Powers

I know a lot of you guys have seen me around town, going 'Hey, there's Steve, the new guy, running shit, the cock fighter.' Well, I have a confession to make. My name's not Steve. And, I'm not a cock fighter. I'm a ballplayer. And, not just any ballplayer... I'm Kenny fucking Powers, and I reveal myself to you all, here, upon this field. Behold! It's my rookie card. That's me on the front. Y'all want to just pass this around. So you can just see it. I'm gonna need to get it back though. You know, I see the look on your faces. You're thinking, 'Hey Kenny, you're from America; you probably have a printer. You could have just gone on the internet and printed that bitch.' Yeah, you know what? I could have, 'cept for one fact: I don't own a printer. And, I fucking hate computers. All kinds. I come here today, not just to bash on fucking technology, but to offer you all a proposition. Let's face it, y'all fucking suck. Don't get your feelings hurt, alright? Don't get sensitive on me here. I fucking suck too right now. I am in the darkest, third world hole that I've ever been in in my entire life, about a thousand, hundred, million miles from where I should be. And, the only way for me to get back there, is for us to join forces. If we can make enough noise down here, then just maybe, everyone in America will hear us. Everyone will. And they will all know, that Kenny Powers is, in fact, the Christ figure that they perceive me to be. So, if you all don't believe my words, then perhaps you'll believe this... Anyone have a ball? El ball-o? Wheew! Oh, ok. I got it. Behold this, boys. Try and fucking doubt this, alright?