14 Reasons Football Professionals Should Be Gagged

Thursday, July 24th, 2014

In the world of football there are press conferences galore – and with players, managers and commentators alike spending so much of their lives in the public eye, it makes sense that a lot of their inspirational words find their way across mass media.

The only problem is that these guys aren’t accomplished speakers or even competent linguists at the best of times – so some of these sound bites are less inspirational than insane. Here’s a batch of glorious football quotes from the ones who live for the game – or so we thought.

1. Roy Hodgson (on the World Cup draw)

“We will hope for our best but it is like Forrest Gump and his box of chocolates. We will open it up and see what we get, then try and digest it.”

2. Clarke Carlisle (on Dinamo Tblisi vs Spurs)

“Andros Townsend gave it to his full back, turned and opened up his legs.”

3. Joey Barton (on Thiago Silva)

“Thiago Silva. That the same pussy that’s been injured all season. Another over-rated Brazilian. Sort your hamstrings out FatBoy.”

4. Antonio Conte (on how to stop Messi)

“With a gun!”

5. Stewart Downing (just being Stewart Downing)

“I’d love to go to the World Cup.”

6, 7 & 8. Q&A with Stewart Downing (best questions)

“If you were a footballer, what would your preferred position be?”

“Which Premier League bench is the comfiest?”

“How did it feel to have more arrests than assists last season?”

9. Raymond Verheijen (on how he’d manage Man Utd)

“The only way to solve this problem in Jurassic Park is to improve education of these dinosaur coaches, fitness clowns & scientific cowboys.”

10. Joe Kinnear (on Ben Arfa)

“Ben Afri.”

11. Joe Kinnear (on Yohan Cabaye)

“Yohan Kebab.”

12. Joe Kinnear (on Shola Ameobi)

“Shola Amamobi.”

13. Joe Kinnear (on 31-year-old Shola Ameobi)

“Shola is getting better and better, he’s a young kid.”

14. Jose Mourinho (during a press conference)

“Where are my cookies?”

Bunch of messes.

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