Cody “Walk This Way” Reed still can’t do exactly what we want, and that is stop walking batters. He walked 4 over 6 innings, but he did only give up 1 earned run. He also allowed 6 hits while striking out 5. At this point I don’t care how many runs he’s giving up, how many hits he’s giving up, I want to see him stop walking batters. “Double” Barrett Astin struck out 1 in a scoreless inning. “Sweet” Phil Ervin was 3 for 4 with a double and a triple, and Chad “Walla Walla” Wallach was 2 for 4 with a double. Chad’s been struggling at AAA, but he’s been playing better since July.

Jackson Stephens pitches at 7:05 PM ET.

Oh, be still my heart. How can I even fathom the greatness bestowed upon us? Why am I being emphatic and ridiculous? I’ll get to it. Let’s get through the bad first. Keury “Hella Bad” Mella gave up 7 earned runs over 2.2 innings. Puke. Tanner Rainey, whom got a promotion I was unaware of, pitched 2 scoreless innings with a strikeout. Geoff “Ree” Broussard pitched a scoreless inning with a strikeout, and Brennan Bernardino pitched another scoreless inning. Why is my heart a flutter besides my terrible health habits? Nick “God Damn” Senzel. Last year’s 2nd overall pick only went 3 for 4 with 3 runs scored, count ‘em 2 doink-donging round trippers, 4 RBI, and a freaking walk. Have you ever imagined if Joey Votto played a skilled position? Nick Senzel is now hitting .341 in AA. I’m not going to compute the rest of percentage stats because websites should do it for me, and I’m not a calculator. I do have a college degree so I’ll try out mental addition. That’s 11 home runs on the year, 38 doubles, 3 triples, and 59 walks against 104 strikeouts and he’s stolen 24 bases. Yes, please. Aristides “Heiress Titties” Aquino also went 2 for 4 with 2 RBI, but with much less fanfare and fewer glowing endorsements.

Deck McGuire will try to stack the deck against the Bay Bears on Friday at 6:35 PM CT.

Wyatt “Michael” Strahan was quite effective. He didn’t allow an earned run (1 unearned) over 6 innings. He gave up only 3 hits, 1 walk, and struck out 2. Jake “My Son Paul” Paulson stuck out 2 over 2 scoreless inning, and while a run scored on Ryan “Double Helix” Hendrix it wasn’t earned, and he struck out 1 over 2 innings. TJ “Of The Hill People” Friedl went 2 for 4, Daniel “Twisted Metal” Sweet hit a triple on a 2 for 4 night, and Brantley “Liberty” Bell went 2 for 3 with a walk.

Seth Varner is on th emound at 7:05 PM ET.

Wennington Romero was so strong to start the year, but he’s fallen off drastically in the second half. He gave up 5 earned runs over 5.1 innings last night (8 H, 1 BB, 4 K, 1 HR). Carlos “The Macho Man” Machorro struck out 4 over 1.2 scoreless, and Dauri “No Hater” Moreta struck out 2 in his shutout frame. Taylor “Next Year’s Nick Senzel” Trammell was 3 for 3 with a RBI and a walk, and Jose “Syrup” Siri was 2 for 4 with a double and a run scored.

Scott Moss is on the mound at 7:35 PM ET.

Billings had the night off. Mac Sceroler will be on the mound at 7:00 PM MT.

As with tradition, because this level is so volatile, I only talked about the best. Evan Mitchell continues his rehab and pitched a scoreless inning. Isaac Anesty “International” gave up an earned run over 3 innings with 3 strikeouts (He also walked 3, but whatever). Reshard “Strawberry Rhubarb” Munroe was 2 for 3 and scored 3 runs, Mariel “Marry Me” Bautista was 2 for 5 with a double, RBI, and run scored, Reniel “Artery” Ozuna was 2 for 4 with a walk, triple, and 2 runs scored, and Jonathan “Well Miss” Willems was 2 for 4 with a run scored and a RBI. Victor “Runz” Ruiz knocked in 3 with a double. I think this is the most I’ve written about the Baby Reds all year. You’re welcome. Did you read this far? Good for you. You get a nonexistent but well earned Farmers Only Gold Star.

The Baby Reds probably play tonight, but I didn’t feel like looking it up.