TAKOMA PARK, MD – After repeated attempts to get their children to behave and pay attention to homeschool lessons, parents hung their heads in shame as they admitted they had been wrong to blame teachers for their kids’ school failures.

“I want to sincerely apologize to the entire teaching staff and PTA of Piney Branch Elementary School for comments I’ve made both directly and indirectly on social media and listservs over the past few years,” confessed Rachel Getler. “I can now see that my son, Billy, is one huge pain in the ass.”

As many parents have become de facto teachers due to school closures, they’ve been able to witness firsthand how truly awful it can be to attempt to get their kids to learn basic things. Many have gained a better appreciation for those on the front lines.

“I used to complain about property taxes, but I’m now going to advocate for them in order to fund massive teacher salary hikes,” said Pam Yu while scraping off the “student of the month” bumper sticker from her minivan. “It’s best if we just left this job to professionals.”

Parents were able to breath a small sigh of relief when Montgomery County Public Schools “reopened” through online classrooms this week. Immediately, parents rejoiced.

“Thank God I no longer have to deal with this anymore!” said Dean Gordon. “I was starting to worry that my kids would never get out of detention, and, unfortunately, expulsion is not an option.”