Many people equate divorce with losing a spouse through death. But, when a spouse dies, the community descends upon the surviving spouse with an outpouring of flowers, meals, sympathy cards and compassionate attention. None of this happens when someone goes through a divorce. That’s why I began writing daily reflections to send to my friends whom I knew were suffering through divorce; 365 reflections that are now contained in my new book, A Road To Healing.

Hello?

Meghan sounded terrible. She sounded as if she had no life left in her.

Hey, Meghan, it’s Lisa. How are you doing?

I was calling to check in on my friend whose husband had walked out on her and the children just a few weeks before. It wasn’t a subtle event, either. They all had begged him to stay and even with the children crying, he still left. They were devastated.

After going through my own divorce and experiencing what it’s like to watch you spouse walk out, I knew what Meghan was going through and I didn’t want her to go through it alone. So every couple of days I checked in on her. I brought over a meal, sent a positive text to let her know I was praying for her, or just called her on the phone to make sure she was hanging in there and be a shoulder to cry on if needed. It’s definitely something I wish I had when I was going through it all those years ago.

Bringing The Wounded Back To The Field Hospital

Many people equate divorce with losing a spouse through death. While there are some similarities, there is one glaring difference in my opinion… When a spouse dies, the community descends upon the surviving spouse with an outpouring of flowers, meals, sympathy cards and compassionate attention. But none of this happens when someone loses a spouse through divorce. Oftentimes, the reaction is just the opposite; people stay away. The abandoned spouse is all alone at a time when they need attention the most.

Because I know how polarizing divorce can be, my heart goes out to everyone who is suffering through the painful effects of losing their spouse in this manner. I wish I could check in with every one of them and offer some consolation. To remind them that, although their divorce is devastating, it’s only something that’s happened to them–it doesn’t define them. I want to let them know that they will survive this and there are still good things in their future. Most of all, I want them to know if they stay close to God, he will bring good things out of what’s happened.

That’s why, some years back, I began going to the Eucharistic Adoration chapel at my parish and started writing some daily reflections to send to my friends whom I knew were suffering through divorce. Today, those 365 reflections are contained in my new book, A Road To Healing: Daily Reflections For Divorced Catholics. With this book, published by the CatholicMatch Institute, I am now able to check in each day with many more men and women struggling to find their way and offer some words of consolation, hope, and motivation.

The book contains a reflection for every day of the year, including a special section of reflections for Valentine’s Day (a minor holiday that can be one of the hardest to get through for someone who’s divorced), Lent, Easter, Advent, and Christmas. Here is a sample reflection:

“When you are lacking the motivation to do what needs to be done, step back from the task, sit down, and contemplate Christ. He is so full of love for you. He knows the stress, anxiety, and pain you are handling because of your divorce. Imagine Him in the manger, a tiny baby who was God, yet at the same time human and completely reliant on others. Imagine Him as the Good Shepherd with you, a precious lamb around His neck, as He carries you home. When you rest in Him, He will refresh you. Christ makes all things new!” I will satisfy the weary, and all who are faint I will replenish. – Jeremiah 31:25

If you are divorced, I hope you will read this book. I believe it will bring you much consolation and hope. If you know someone who is divorced, I hope you will let them know about this book so they can have a daily companion as they work to rebuild their lives and know they are not alone in their suffering.