Developers NetherRealms have revealed another character for the Mortal Kombat 11 roster, and this time it’s the assassin Jade, returned from the dead as a rotting zombie. Presumably bowing to some kind of leftist SJW thought control, NetherRealms have taken the unusual decision to redesign Jade’s costume so that I can no longer see her enormous breasts – a decision which quite rudely leaves me in the position of only wanting to fuck her a little bit.

As a true gamer, I can proudly say that I would fuck anything that looks like a woman and appears on my screen. But this? Well – for the first time in my career, I’m devastated to report that I would only reluctantly have sex with this undead babe.

Is this really what we’ve allowed the games industry to come to? I respect NetherRealm’s right to make art free of political interference, but the least they could do is let me ogle some enormous zombie titties while I’m playing. Now it looks like they can’t even do that, which means I’ll have to use my imagination.

The bad news doesn’t stop there. It turns out that Jade will also come with a variety of different outfits, each of which is more covering and practical than the last. Each new outfit revealed was like another nail driven into my dick – I could feel myself wanting to have sex with this zombie less and less each time (although I still would, for sure).

If NetherRealms thinks that this is going to make feminists buy Mortal Kombat, because they might want to fuck the zombie, they’re sadly misguided. Feminists are simply too puritanical and sex-negative to want to go to town on a necrotic undead hottie like a real gamer (reluctantly still) would.

To NetherRealms I say – if you want to “get woke and go broke” that’s your choice. I’ll be over here, frowning slightly as the moment of gamer climax, clearly distracted and not enjoying it very much. I refuse to be complicit in your attempt to erase gamer boner culture!