BURLINGTON – The Burlington police department has issued a public alert in the search for a missing proposal this week. The Burlington Telecom proposal is only a few days old and was last seen in the vicinity of City Hall. No one can recall what it was wearing last, or who its parents are, but everyone is very anxious for its quick return.

“We just want it to come home,” said Councilor David Harnett in tears on the steps of City Hall. “We want it to know that we’re not mad at it, and we love it very much.”

“Actually, some of us are kind of mad at it,” said Councilor Joan Shannon in a calm voice. This comment prompted Councilor Harnett to physically attack Councilor Shannon and to scream obscenities at her for her “hysterics.” Hartnett had to be physically restrained by Mayor Weinberger, who then refused to turn Hartnett over to the police.

“I’m not worried about who attacked who,” Weinberger said after the altercation. “I’m just happy that no one is currently attacking anyone right now. It’s been a long night, and we’re all worried about little Loi. I say we just do whatever Dave wants and move on.” Loi is one of the nicknames of the missing proposal.

BPD asks that anyone who has any information about the proposal, any information at all, should call them immediately. Specifically information as to what the proposal actually is. Civilians are being advised not to approach the proposal directly. Even though it may look fine, we are being told that it is possibly quite dangerous.