“If you can change your mind, you can change your life. What you believe creates the actual fact. The greatest revolution of my generation is to discover that individuals, by changing their inner attitudes of mind, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”- William James

Transforming self sabotage into success. By discovering the positive intent behind a negative behaviour or attitude, you can release tremendous energy and positive commitment. Other NLP patterns, such as The Parts Negotiation Pattern andThe Behavior Appreciation Pattern, depend on this insight.

In his outstanding book Sleight of Mouth — The Magic Of Conversational Belief Change, master trainer and famous NLP developer Robert Dilts says:

‘At some level all behaviour is (or at one time was) “positively intended’~ It is or was perceived as appropriate given the context in which it was established, from the point of view of the person whose behaviour it is. It is easier and more productive to respond to the intention rather than the expression of a problematic behaviour’

Step #1. Define the problem.

Briefly state the problem with enough detail so that it is clear in your mind. It may primarily be a situation, personal problem or a challenge. But focus on defining the unproductive behaviour. Get clear on why the behaviour is not useful.

Step #2. Reveal the Underlying Motives

Take a few moments to relax, breathe deeply and lay back. Now, go inside, imagine your mind has special internal messengers. In NLP, we call them “parts.” These are parts of your personality, which have characteristic tendencies or habitual behaviours.

Find the part that is responsible for generating the unproductive behaviour. Bring this part into awareness as though it were a complete personality. Remember that a part is an aspect of you. It is a collection of aligned motivations.

A part is like a little personality inside of you. In order to be aligned and successful, you must not work at cross purposes with yourself. This requires negotiating or working with your parts.

Now imagine that you can do a role playing game with this part. Ask the part what it wanted to have, do or become, through the negative behaviour or attitude. What value or benefit was to come from this.

Ask directly, ‘What did you wish for me to accomplish by doing this?”

Take as much time as you need to imagine and listen to the part’s responses.

Step #3. Get to the core motives.

Keep asking “why” and “what” questions to clarify the motives.

Recycle each answer by into a new question.

Continue this until you feel that you have gotten to the core motives. You should identify a core belief along with the core value and core reasons for the behaviours or attitudes that, at first glance, seem to be unsupportive of you.

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