1. Being late. Look, you've thought about this. There are at least three people in your party responsible for getting you to the venue. And it's not as though you have anything else to do that day. You'll be fine.

2. Tripping over on your way down the aisle. In your heels and dress you're basically a nervy meringue on stilts, so it might happen. But even if it does, you'll still be married at the end of it. And if someone films it, you could get £250 off You've Been Framed.

3. Forgetting your betrothed's name. Rest assured that no one, least of all the person you're marrying, will let you get away with legally binding yourself to your ex or your own cat just because you slipped up through nerves.

4. Forgetting your own name. See above.

5. Someone objecting to the marriage during the ceremony. When you announce your intention to marry, members of the public will have their chance to object if there are legal grounds. If there aren't, and someone just wants to piss you off on the day, they will probably be invited by the person performing the ceremony to sit the hell down and shut the hell up. So relax.

6. Your flowers. Whether or not they're the exact shade of champagne that you ordered, it doesn't matter. They'll look nice in the photos, and they'll be dead tomorrow. Enjoy them while you can.

7. Being perfect in the photos. It is a photographer's job to take, on average, around five squillion shots per wedding. Chances are, you won't have your bum out in at least ONE of these pictures.

8. The centrepieces. Who cares if they're dead centre? What does it matter if you're one short? In a few short hours they'll all be a) set on fire by bored teen guests and drunk uncles, b) eaten by small children or c) kicked to the floor so your grandmother can dance on the table. Centrepieces schmenterpieces.

9. Your bum. It's fine. No one is looking at it. Everyone is looking at how happy and beautiful you are, and wondering whether you'll say the wrong name during your vows.

10. Only kidding.

11. Whether you have all your stuff. Look, you can't lug a backpack down the aisle. Leave that sort of thing to the bridesmaids.

12. Your bridesmaids hating their dresses. In a perfect world, you're not an overbearing ogre of a bride who's dressed her entourage in peach and chocolate, and they don't secretly despise you for it. But even if that is the case, after today they get to NEVER WEAR THEIR DRESSES AGAIN.