I have been exchanging emails with a dominant I had approached with the intent of getting to know him a little better.

I got several brushbacks. He found me “intimidating” somehow…but never elaborated on what that meant.

He doesn’t play casually, because his play partners tend to “fall for him” so rather than risk that, he avoids playing up until mutual levels of interest are met.

Well, OK, whatever works, right?

Then I got the serious emotional bean ball: the suckerpunch of being told I’m “not the type” he is usually attracted to…but my scintillating intellect intrigued him to the point where he considered the chance to get to know me a rare treat. A singular indulgence for his own formidable intellect.

Thanks.

I want nothing more than to be your Scheherazade while you go off being ego-stroked by the hordes of swooning submissives who ARE your type, even if their conversation, realness, intelligence and demeanor are no match for mine.

Srsly?

You wanna admire my wit?

Read my fucking blogs.

You want repartee?

Subscribe to my goddamned Twitter feed.

I need to be lusted after and ravished by a Man Who Wants Nothing More Than To Own Me.

Not a sparkly psychic bauble.

Not your mental whetstone.

My last long-term relationship was with a guy who would stop everything he was doing and fuck my brains out when he saw me naked. He thought my body was absolutely perfect. Oh and hey! He ADDITIONALLY admired my intelligence. Fancy that.

Too bad he was intimidated by my history as a kinkster. It took me 3 years to pass through that relationship.

But that is another story for another day.

I am pleased my turnaround time on weeding out mismatched partners is improving.

Exponentially.

SO, back to the current issue…

After many MANY conversational miscues and missteps that left me feeling a bit battered, I closed my last communication with this prospective date thusly:

I value myself FAR to highly to be shoe-horned among the swooning mass of women with whom you won’t play because they “fall for you.” I have been around the dungeon enough times to know that someone who is still sleeping with an ex “because they are fluid bonded” is not someone who is fully emotionally and physically and spiritually available. I am not at all interested in waiting and hoping for the day you have the gumption and /or desire to let go of your ex and move on. I will not compete with other women for your time. I am free, unencumbered, emotionally available and have the ovaries to live alone and walk alone until someone who wants me as I am, and who appreciates all that I am comes along. I am certainly not going to cobble together a scant meal from the crumbs and leavings of someone else’s table. That is what you are offering me right now.

I wish I felt as strong as those words sound…because right now I feel lonely.

But I don’t feel lonely enough to fucking queue up for a man-raffle.