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Remember how, just a day or two ago, it was reported that actress Famke Janssen came home to her New York apartment to find a copy of the creepily-covered children's book The Lonely Doll in her bedroom, even though she doesn't own a copy of The Lonely Doll? We all screamed for hours about that but then assumed it was a typical break-in and that the police would investigate and keep her safe and all would be well. But. Oh god. The police did investigate and they found absolutely no evidence of a break-in. There's nothing on the building's security camera footage, there was no sign of forced entry, and there were no fingerprints anywhere, including on the book. So what the hell is going on. I mean, I think it's pretty obvious. Ghosts. Who but a ghost can leave a terrifying doll book in your bedroom with no evidence that they were ever there? Nobody. Only a ghost can do that. Famke Janssen lives in a haunted apartment. Girl you better move. Seriously. If I had a nickel for every time I found a horrifying children's book in my room and didn't move and lived to regret it because I was tormented by ghosts for month, well I wouldn't have a single nickel because good grief why wouldn't you move immediately if a strange, small book was left in your room by an invisible burglar, aka a ghost? Ms. Janssen, you were in that movie House on Haunted Hill. You know how these things work out. Not well. So, go. Because either you've got a major ghost problem or, y'know, some mentally ill stalker has found a way into your house and that's awful and, jesus, I should not be making jokes about this. Sorry. [New York Post]

Oh dear. That crazy fitness person that Gwyneth Paltrow, a birdcage made of spider bones, pals around with, Tracy Anderson, did an interview recently and talked about Gwyneth and boy did she put a post-Moses Gwyneth on blast. She said that the actress "had 35 extra pounds on her. Her butt was long and she had outer thigh problems. Gwyneth is lucky because she's really tall, so she can hide it really well in clothes, but she had significant problem areas." Hm. OK. First off, what does "her butt was long" mean? What is a long butt? I mean I can sort of get it, but it is a very strange way to describe what I think this woman is describing. Also: I sincerely doubt that Gwyneth Paltrow has ever had "significant problem areas." Well, at least in terms of the meaning of the word "significant." It's all relative I guess, but oof. Tracy Anderson seems like kiiiiind of a nightmare? Just a little bit of an abject horrorshow? The Us Weekly post about this is careful to mention that Tracy Anderson also "helped sculpt Madonna's body," which... Is that... a good thing? I don't know! I'm not going to say anything else on the matter. I'm just putting that there and letting it sit. Is that a good thing. Just a question. That's all. Anyway, clearly Anderson's methods have done Gwyneth well. Designer Stella McCartney just posted this photo of the actress. So everything's great. Nothing is even wrong with the world. [Us Weekly]