Racists, misogynists and narrow-minded fanatics around Australia will go back to being assholes after a period of uncertainty about their rights.

A spokesperson for bigots’ rights group GET OUT! said it was a relief to finally have the go-ahead to be a prick. “A lot of our members have had to hide their bigotry from their work colleagues, or they’ve had to pretend to be tolerant on the sporting field. Some have even been too scared to tell family and friends. We tend to keep our opinions to ourselves and wait to make sure it’s appropriate to be bigoted – that’s our nature. But it’s a big secret to carry,” he said.

The spokesperson, who says he knew he was a bigot from the age of about fifteen, believes things have got easier in recent times. “There will always be prejudice. But I think there’s a growing acceptance in the community of cockheads”.

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