Every Jew down in Jewville liked Christmas a lot

But King Herod, who ruled over Jewville, did not.

The King had a thousand and one reasons why

He hated the stars that appeared in the sky!

He hated the wise men! He hated the myrrh

And the frankincense also, whatever they were!

He hated the shepherds! He hated the manger!

He hated the way that his throne was in danger!

He hated the prophecies bearing the news

He would soon be replaced as the King of the Jews

Yes, the number one reason the King felt so down

Was the tales of Messiahs usurping his crown.

So he thought and reflected, he planned and he schemed

He wondered and pondered and plotted and dreamed

He came up with a plan! Such a terrible plan!

To stop the Messiah before he began.

He would steal all the innocent babies away

And with Christ gone for good, he would end Christmas Day

So he searched through his palace, the front and the back

Till he found a warm coat and a Very Big Sack

And when night fell in Jewville, his men searched the houses

As fast as the birds and as quiet as mouses

And they gathered the children, and brought them all back

And the king placed them all in his Very Big Sack.

The King hooted and laughed as they finished their mission

“Mwa ha ha!” he exclaimed, as his plans reached fruition

“Now all of the children are here in my sack

And I don’t plan on giving a single one back!

I’ve stolen their toddlers, I’ve stolen their babies!

I’ve got their Messiah, no ifs, buts, or maybes!

They can stop all their songs and their feasts and their fun

Because Christmas is OVER and FINISHED and DONE!”

But the King heard a sound coming over the sand

And he jumped in surprise, and could not understand

It was singing, and laughing, and feasting, and fun

It was families dancing in joy, every one

King Herod turned red at their festive behavior:

“How can Christmas still come, when I’ve stolen the Savior?

It came without Bibles! It came without churches!

It came without Wise Men embarking on searches!

It came without sermons and prayers, and moreover

It came without Heaven and Hell and Jehovah!”

Then a very strange thought made his heart rise and fall

What if Christmas was not about Jesus at all?

What if Christmas, he thought, didn’t come from a priest?

What if Christmas was not about that in the least?

And what happened then? Well, in Jewville they say

That King Herod’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight

He returned all the children he’d taken that night

And he ordered his cooks to bring food for the feast

And King Herod himself carved the course of roast beast!