What is it about viruses that engenders so much hair tearing? Are you sick of hearing about how we're—the whole world of us—not prepared for the avian flu? A resurgence of Spanish Flu? This winter's flu-of-the-month (just four easy payments of $19.95!) The next Mac virus?

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!

So says the Mac mag-of-mags Macworld. Now, we're all supposed to run—not walk—out and buy anti-virus software because it's so necessary. I mean, six proof of concept viruses have been found since February. An outbreak of the Mac flu that will slice, dice, and cobblerify your Mac is imminent. After all, we're panicking.

Remember when Mac virus software was actually necessary?

I remember the last time that one of my computers got infested with a virus. It wasn't actually my computer. It was the instructor's computer in the CMU Intro to Programming lab (yes, Wean 5419 for fellow alums). It was the MPEG—no, wait, the MVOX—oh DARN, I don't remember the name because it was frickin' 1991! Since I don't recall, I looked it up. It was the MDEF A virus. I got it from a pirate copy of PipeDream (an early but VERY cool Mac game from Lucas Film Inc). Remember MDEF? WDEF? Scores? No?

The point is, it was 19-frickin'-91 the last time anyone I knew had a Mac virus.

So what exactly are we supposed to be panicking about? Is OSX.Macarena prevalent in the wild? Nope. There are fewer than 49 infections worldwide. Just like the other dangerous Mac viruses reported in the last 6 months. Has OSX.Macarena actually done any damage? Nope. It was a "proof of concept" exploit. Just like the others. And it doesn't do any damage, just propagates itself. Is it hard to contain or remove? Nope.

Remind me why we are panicking again?

We're not. The people who have anti-virus software already have it. Any large installation should have it, without a doubt. But you and me? I'll wait for an actual threat, thanks.

It sounds too much like Symantec—and everyone else who can't assess actual risk—has a bad case of hyper-ventilating hypochondriac hysteria. Either that, or they just want to sell more anti-virus software.