

In all but one word, the advertisement was like thousands of others published in the still hugely popular matrimonial section of newspapers across India every week.

“Seeking 25-40, Well Placed, Animal-Loving, Vegetarian Groom for my son (36, 5’11’’) who works with an NGO,” it read.

Printed in a tabloid newspaper on Tuesday, it was the first advertisement for a partner in a same-sex marriage in India, where homosexuality is illegal.

The son in question was Harish Iyer, a prominent Indian activist, and it was placed, as is traditional in this conservative country, by his mother.

“I’m proud of her. It was her idea. My mum was like: ‘You don’t have a boyfriend, you’re not so young.’ She was concerned for her ageing son like any Indian mum would be, irrespective of whether he is homosexual or heterosexual,” Iyer, 36, said.



Homosexuality was in effect re-criminalised in India in 2013 in a decision by the supreme court that stunned campaigners and led to international criticism.

Gay rights activists say gay people face significant discrimination and police harassment, even if prosecutions for same-sex activity have been rare.

Iyer said three major newspapers refused to carry the advertisement, on the grounds that it was illegal.

Sachin Kalbag, executive editor of the Mumbai daily Mid-Day, said there had never been any question of not publishing it.

“Normally if there is a problem with an ad, then the department will come to me. It raised no eyebrows at all. We are pro-equal rights and have been running vociferous campaigns against discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation,” Kalbag said.

Gay activists say that though much prejudice remains in India, there is increasing support for their cause. Only about a dozen people attended India’s first gay pride march, in the eastern city of Kolkata in 1999. Now thousands gather there each year and similar events are held in Delhi, Mumbai and other major cities. Gay film festivals and university campus groups have also sprung up.

Homosexual marriages, however, remain a distant prospect.

“Historically, Indians have always had marriages arranged by parents or relatives as the preferred way of getting hitched. There has been an outpouring of support for the gay community but there remains a huge conservative community too, which is a majority and is unwilling to accept gays,” Kalbag said.

A 2009 judgment of the high court in Delhi to repeal the law banning gay sex, known as section 377, had been seen as a landmark in the campaign for equality in India.

Few had expected the 2013 legal challenge launched by conservatives – including Muslim and Christian religious associations, a rightwing politician and a retired bureaucrat turned astrologist – to succeed.

With a rightwing government currently in power, it is unlikely the new ban on homosexuality will be overturned soon.

India was recently ranked below below China, Nepal and Qatar in an index of “gay happiness”.

The last line of the advertisement for a husband for Iyer, who was listed among the 100 most influential gay men and women by the Guardian in 2013, has prompted some debate.

It read: “Caste no bar (though Iyer preferred)”.

The tenacious social caste system in India has long been attacked as discriminatory. The Iyer caste are brahmins, at the very top of the carefully graded hierarchy. Marriages between castes are increasingly common but remain rare. In Indian newspapers, marriage advertisement such as that placed by Iyer’s mother systematically express a caste preference.

“I don’t think [my mother] really meant it. It was more about finding someone from a familiar background who speaks the same language. But it doesn’t really matter to her,” Iyer said.

“It’s more like fixing a date. I’ll make my own choice. There’s no issue for me, as long as he is vegetarian and loves animals,” Iyer said.