Senate Democrats Accuse Republicans Of Trying To Pin Them Down On Complex Issue Of Infanticide

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Calling the maneuver a "cheap political stunt," Democratic senators who were forced to vote on the Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act accused their Republican colleagues of trying to pin them down on the complex issue of whether or not it's OK to let newborn babies who survived a murder attempt die on the table.

"This is a nuanced discussion," said Senator Kamala Harris, who voted against the act. "I mean, should we or shouldn't we murder babies? It's not really cut and dry for many Americans. What if the baby is inconvenient? What if the mother has already decided it's a nuisance and might interfere with her school or work? What then?"

Wildly gazing into television cameras as though in a staring contest with the American public, Senator Cory Booker said, "My associate Kamala is right. A mother doesn't want a baby and tries to kill it. Then it comes out anyway and is just sitting there crying. Nobody likes crying, right? I mean, this is obviously a decision for a mother and her medical provider. It's a toughie."

The Democrats who voted against the measure, many of whom are running for president, pointed out that they would need to take a high school philosophy class before they could even begin to explore all the facets of the difficult question of whether or not we can kill living babies just out of the womb, or at least watch an episode of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood to develop that kind of moral reasoning.

At publishing time, these same senators announced their plan to lecture the nation on "black and white" issues of morality like gun control, paying for other people's college debt, and taking more of your money by force.

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