There’s sex, there’s molestation, there’s rape and there’s even gang-rape. What kangaroo did to the Indian cricket team however needs a whole new terminology. If the Indian cricket team worked in the same industry as Sunny Leone does, they’d all be multi-millionaires after last night. That’s how royally they got screwed and that too infront of billions of people. If there’s one lesson we learned from that game, it is England does NOT equal to Australia.

It's understandable why India dropped Sehwag: he's a T20 player, and this team clearly isn’t. Winning the toss and choosing to bat was the only sensible decision Dhoni made all night and even this one was partly due to fate (all he had to do was call right side of the coin). A below par batting display once again, only this time it was against the mighty Aussies. Pathan experimenting at the top was the kind of fraud which is called KLPD in common terminology. As some of you might know very well by now that with Kohli departing early, the rest is always a familiar story. It’s almost like he’s the new Sachin Tendulkar because without him firing, India seldom puts up a good show. And just to please the ‘Rohit Sharma’ fans, he was successful in opening his innings yesterday. We don't know about you but the rain made many of us feel that it was God who started crying after watching him play. Putting up a total of 140 and hoping to defend it is like a girl sleeping in lingerie with Emran Hashmi hoping he wouldn't touch her.

We go in with 5 bowlers, and end up using 8. Yes 8! And the cherry on the cake is that those 8 combined bowlers could only manage 1 wicket. Thrashed all over the ground, not a single one could stand up and take the responsibility in what was an aggressive and calculated onslaught by the two W’s- Watson and Warner. Now I am not going to ramble on and on about why India included Rohit Sharma and Piyush Chawla or why our government sucks (out of context but relevant), for me there is only one man responsible for what transpired last night – M.S. Dhoni. Chetan Bhagat wrote the 3 mistakes of his life, here’s a small insight into the 3 big mistaks of Dhoni’s life yesterday.

1. Why the hell would you play 5 bowlers knowing very well that you have 4 part time bowlers in your line up in Yuvraj, Raina, Kohli and Sharma. All four take the pace of the ball and definitely can contribute towards the fifth bowling option.

2. Why on earth, or any other planet, would you open with Pathan and not play Sehwag against a strong Australian bowling lineup having already seen the results of a similar experiment in the last game.

3. Why oh Why give Pathan the ball in the 10th over of the innings? He’s your primary swing bowler, has given you breakthroughs time and again in the opening 6 overs and what do you do? Hand him the ball in the second half of the innings when the ball bas been smashed all over the park and wouldn’t swing even if it were given to a guy and he was promised a blowjob in heaven.

To top it all, just like Chetan Bhagat's fourth and biggest mistake was writing the book, Dhoni came up with this

“Rain came just at the wrong time, just after the wicket was rolled. The wet ball is not good for spinners. It was like bowling in England. That was the main reason we lost.”

Somebody tell that fucktard, the main reason we lost was because you made catastrophic decisions that cost us big time and could not back your calls up with results. The main reason we lost was because your batting has sucked and your abilities as a captain are in serious question after the recent displays.

If things don’t change and fast, it’s a third straight Wt20 event where India is going winless in the super-eights and by the looks of it, don’t be surprised if you see the skipper comes on to bowl himself against Pakistan in the next game.

