Everybody knows robots can't love. It is their greatest failing as human analogues, their most profound tragedy as thinking entities and possibly their ultimate undoing (depending on whether or not they're facing the Care Bears that day). But science doesn't like to be told what they can, can't or just plain shouldn't do, so they're giving it a shot anyway: Here are five robots intended to either feel human emotions, inspire human emotions, or through their actions otherwise care for us in our hours of need. Notice I say that's what they're âintended for.â All they actually do is murder the part of your mind responsible for registering danger, so that you will never feel safe again.

5 Robots That Teach Us How to Love

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People in Japan don't like to have sex. That might come as a surprise to you if you live basically anywhere else in the world as, from an outsider's perspective, it seems like everything they export is actively trying to rape everything else they export. But it's true: They just don't. They have one of the lower birth rates in the world, and it's estimated that only 34 percent of Japanese couples have sex on a weekly basis whichâ¦ actually explains everything about Japan perfectly, come to think of it. So what are they doing to fight it? Manufacturing new and presumably jellyfish flavored aphrodisiacs? Offering classes in the art of love-making? Perhaps just focusing more on the effectiveness of fertility drugs, so that what twisted, crying, tentacle-based biannual sex does occur will result in more babies? Nope, none of the above! The answer is somehow robots.

This is Yotaro, and aside from drifting through the vast emptiness of space, devouring the life-force of all planets he stumbles across, he's also meant to help combat the low birth rate problem in Japan. Butâ¦ how? Anybody with a strong opinion and a girlfriend can tell you that make-up sex happens, but is fearsex a thing? Are the inventors hoping to terrify young males so much that the blood will flee from their heads, occupy their boners, and try to hide inside the nearest vagina? According to Hiroki Kunimura, the inventor of Yotaro, that hideous monstrosity up there is meant to âtrigger human emotions, so humans want to have their own baby.â Listen, man: That logic only works if you subscribe to the belief that the only thing that can kill a baby is another baby, and you're hoping the citizens of Japan will start procreating solely to build a wave of toddlers that will swarm over and destroy Yotaro by sheer numbers alone.