Dear Hollywood, please stop making movie trailers. Why? The art of the preview was perfected 29 years ago in The Philippines by the 1983 horror movie The Killing of Satan. Does The Killing of Satan also win the best title of all time contest? I wouldn't bet against it.

In TKOS, a mustachioed Catholic wizard named Lando tracks down Satan (who frequently appears in red tights) to, natch, kill him. The trailer is uncut magic, as it provides select snippets of Lando's adventure with absolutely no context. The audience is left so confused and titillated they have no choice but to see the film.

In situations like these, it's easier to simply state what occurs in the preview for The Killing of Satan rather than run the risk of overanalyzing things. The below list scratches the surface of what you will witness:

- Avalanches

- Satan, whose only evil power is to make things spin around

- A naked woman covered in barbecue sauce

- A man crushed by a boulder in slow motion

- The sentence, "Found answers are only to be found in a world of unearthly wonderment!"

- An cage full of nude ladies disintegrated by a Gandalf staff

- Random volcanic eruptions

- A woman transform into a python while making out with Lando

- Another lady transform into a dog

- A wicked missus rip a guy's entire cheek off

- A cobra polymorph into a greased elf

And should not accept your mission to track down this film, here's The Killing of Satan in two minutes by Everything Is Terrible. For another great cinema ad, see Phase IV.