What up, chodes? Dude Corner here, and I’m all fired up about personal hygiene today. Apparently some chicks are judging me for not using or even owning a washcloth when I’m washing my junk in the shower. But why would I spend money on a little baby towel when I could just use my roomie’s bar of soap? Sorry fellas, I’m not gay!

Last week, I brought this chick home with me from this tiki bar and when we get to my place she suggests we hop in the shower first, which was fine with me because I don’t like smelly chicks. But we get in there, and she’s lookin’ at me all crazy and looking around for something before she finally starts yelling at me for washing my body (pits, junk, no legs obviously) with no washcloth or poofy thing and just my roommate Derek’s tiny sliver of Irish Spring. Like, what gives?

Sure, I use a special towel when I’m washing my car or polishing my MMA trophies or wiping cum off of my laptop screen. But those are things that actually require some elbow grease. I don’t have to scrub my balls to get them clean. That’s what soap is for! Specifically my roomie’s soap – he always gets the good shit.

Anyway, she left before we got to do any sexing because she “thinks I’m gross” but it got me thinking: Who writes the rules for how to get yourself clean? I bet, if there was some kind of manual, it was written by chicks because they’re the only ones who care about stupid shit like “washing your face” and “using lotion” but “not on your dick” and using all this other shit to get just as clean as I get when I just rub the bar of soap that I didn’t pay for and that Derek definitely doesn’t know I’ve been using. Sorry ladies, I’m not falling for it!

I know this whole thing is making me sound like I don’t take care of myself, but I’m not some degenerate – I wash my taint at least every other day!! And I can tell my roommate does too, because his pubes are a slightly different color than mine and they’re always all over his bar of soap before I pull them off to use it. But doing that doesn’t require either of us to waste time buying a “washcloth”. If I wanted to have a towel in the shower, I’d just bring a full-sized one in there. And I only have one towel, so how would I dry off? It makes no sense!

Look, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You can spend your dumb girl money on sissy little towels to wash yourselves, and I can save that money and spend it on Totino’s pizza rolls and my Steam membership instead. I don’t think that I should have to pay to be clean, and so I don’t. Derek already buys the good soap.