Speaking to reporters in its first ever press conference, ‘Chaudhry Sagheer Ahmed’, who identified himself as a ‘community leader’, said that the ban on religious congregations shouldn’t be imposed.

“It is extremely distressing that such blasphemous (and violative of human rights) steps are even being seriously considered,” said Ahmed, who was quite clearly the COVID-19 virus wearing fake glasses and moustache. “Yes, some countries have taken this step, but should we ape anything and everything the west – or east – does?”

The ‘community leader’ wanted to speak first at the meeting organised by the federal government was got its wish as everyone but information minister Firdous Ashiq Awan and special advisor Moeed Yusuf remained on the stage, perplexed by the fright of the other attendants.

Meanwhile, the nation’s community of clerics has welcomed the statement. “This fellow, I hadn’t heard of him before, sounds like a Man of Faith,” said Maulana Noorani Chisthi Haider. “A couple of more like him, and we can be certain, nothing can harm our faith.”