Why is Bill O'Brien so grumpy?

Does he think America is becoming a Third World country?

Is he hiding top-secret emails from the government?

Hmm. I'm confused.

Because I thought his team's humiliating national no-show in New England on Sept. 22 was nothing to be concerned about and just the "third game of the year."

I mean, that's what the ex-Pat assistant kept insisting as he scolded the prying media for overreacting to 27-0 Bill Belichick and the Texans needing almost three full quarters to cross over into enemy territory.

And I could have sworn that O'Brien kept swearing Friday that "nothing has changed" with the way he runs his team and there was no "story" to even discuss.

OK. Gotcha, coach. No worries and no bother. We'll let you off the hook.

I'll just check in with your offensive coordinator to get a better …

Wait, wait. What's that?

George Godsey is no longer directing the attack after barely a year on the job?

Ohhhh. Well that changes things, doesn't it?

All right. I'll just ask the Texans' newly promoted OC about an offense that is tied for last in the NFL in scoring and only has one touchdown in its last eight quarters …

Hold the phone, people! O'Brien's calling his own plays again?!

After just three games?

Following the Patriots' tea party?

Crisis upon crisis

With the $72 million man producing the fourth-worst quarterback rating in the league?

Ahhhh.

So there was a story.

And O'Brien was concerned.

It's no wonder the third-year coach of an AFC South-leading team was acting like an enraged, Halloween-version of Hillary Trump during a bad, bad week for the 2-1 Texans.

Skunked, as Vince Wilfork so eloquently put it, just miles from O'Brien's hometown.

Local legend J.J. Watt lost for the season and maybe never wearing a superhero costume again.

Godsey, the Texans coach's longtime friend and trusted colleague, forced to relinquish his duties on a public stage.

"I've made more play calls here than you would even imagine. Defensive calls, special-teams calls, offensive calls," said a super-tense O'Brien, who must have been dealing with a malfunctioning microphone while fighting off an invisible ghost." As a head football coach, that's what you're paid to do, is to be making sure that the calls that go into the game are basically approved by you as the head football coach. So, none of that matters. … Nothing has changed."

Oh, but it has O'B. And we know you so much better than that.

It took O'Brien about 24 hours to walk into NRG Stadium and personally tear down every remnant of Gary Kubiak's regime 33 months ago.

Since then: Change, change and more change.

Playing roulette at QB

O'Brien stuck with Ryan Fitzpatrick (currently last in the NFL in passer rating) for nine heavily game-managed weeks in 2014. Then the rookie coach promoted Ryan Mallett when Fitzpatrick wasn't running the Texans' highly complex offense like an expert should.

Last year's alterations were a little more abrupt. Brian Hoyer, the QB O'Brien wanted, benched before Week 1 was complete. Mallett waking up as a sudden starter. Then Hoyer back again in Week 5, while Mallett lost his job on national TV.

This season's shock to the system took just three games. Godsey cut off from clipboard duties. O'Brien self-promoting himself to the Texans' captain.

The message: "I don't even know why that's a story. It's not a story."

No, no, coach. That's not the right one.

Here's the real stuff, for the whole football world to see: Sail or sink, this is O'Brien's ship.

His team. His vision. His legacy. His way.

It has been from day one, when the man who kept Penn State together was asked by Bob McNair to toughen up the Texans.

It truly is now, with no one to blame if the Texans' offense continues to bottom-feed except for the main man himself.

I applaud O'Brien for not wasting time - understanding that something major had to change for these Texans to have a fighting chance against the NFL's elite.

But with Godsey suddenly on the skids, I'm also reminded that no one has more to lose if Brock Osweiler fails than grouchy ol' O'B.

Rick Smith is ensured for life. Or at least for the next four years, since McNair padded his general manager's extended-stay duration while O'Brien was trying to figure out what his on-paper team could accomplish in real life.

Careful what you wish for

O'Brien has the QB he needed, the weapons he wanted, the speed that was missing and full control of everything that occurs between the lines.

At some point, it's not on others but the man who is actually in charge. That time for O'Brien is now.

I expect the Texans to be 3-1 on Sunday night and leading the AFC South.

We're all still waiting to see the offense that was promised when O'Brien started running the show. Maybe Week 4 is the first encouraging glimpse.

And cheer up, O'B. Having everything you've asked for really isn't that bad.