In a rare turn of events, the British prime minister was not the most irritating EU leader at the summit table

Theresa May’s last rendezvous with European Union leaders in Brussels didn’t go well. Her performance was described as “awful dreadful [and] evasive”, while officials complained she didn’t have a plan.

Nearly three weeks later the prime minister was back at the EU summit table with a very similar request: she wanted more time to find a Brexit compromise at home to avoid a damaging crash-out exit.

This time talks got off to a promising start. As EU leaders mingled in the multi-coloured summit room, Angela Merkel approached May to share a joke on her iPad. May burst out laughing with Merkel when she saw what was on the device: a photo montage of the two leaders speaking in their respective parliaments earlier that day. Both were wearing a jacket in the same vivid shade of blue – that could be described as EU flag blue. European council president Donald Tusk and Luxembourg prime minister Xavier Bettel were also amused. One of the council’s most senior officials smiled politely.

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It wasn’t just May’s outfit that was in greater harmony with the occasion. One view of her presentation was that she was “good, credible and honest”. Other reviews were less enthusiastic, but solid. “May was better than last time, but still somewhat evasive on the big questions,” one EU source said.

Things could have gone awry. Even before May began her pitch, she already knew that EU leaders had rejected her bid for a short extension until 30 June. None of the 27 leaders believed the British parliament would ratify the thrice-rejected withdrawal agreement by that date. Many were already mentally preparing for a long extension of up to one year, with an option for the UK to quit – if parliament could ratify the deal.

But in the end the British prime minister was not the EU leader who caused the most irritation on the night. Instead, Emmanuel Macron frustrated the room with his flat refusal to countenance a long delay that most leaders were ready to accept.

Dividing lines had been drawn hours before the summit. Merkel told the Bundestag on Wednesday that the UK needed “a decent amount of time” to find a cross-party compromise on Brexit. “We have only 59 hours to avoid a disorderly UK exit from the EU,” she said. The French president was also clock watching – but in a different way. Arriving at the summit, Macron noted that 34 months had passed since the Brexit vote. “Nothing was guaranteed” on what he called “the rumours of a long extension”. He warned that the EU should not get snarled up by Brexit when “we have a European renaissance to drive”.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest France’s President Emmanuel Macron talks to journalists after the European Council meeting Photograph: Kenzo Tribouillard/AFP/Getty Images

The drama played out over a dinner of scallop salad, cod loin and iced macadamia nut parfait. By now, May had already left, after having just over an hour to persuade the 27 leaders who will decide Britain’s fate. As EU leaders discussed how to handle the British question, May was in the British ambassador’s residence a mile away, where a menu with a British flavour was served - roast lamb and treacle tart. (The prime minister, who is diabetic, had fruit for pudding).

Back at the summit, the French president told EU leaders that May had given no credible reasons to justify a long extension. But one leader after another lined up to say they did not have a problem with a delay. Germany, the Baltic States, Poland and Hungary spoke up in favour of a long delay, as did old British allies such as Portugal and the Netherlands.

Greece’s prime minister, Alexis Tsipras, also was in favour of being flexile. He said the UK’s participation in European elections would be “the greatest defeat of Brexiteers and maybe even the beginning of the end for Brexit”.

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Macron’s opposition to delay even provoked a rare rebuke from Jean-Claude Juncker, according to one EU diplomat. “We are now solving France’s domestic problems,” Juncker was reported to have said in exasperation. German officials were said to be deeply irritated that the French leader was risking EU unity.

Some time after midnight, EU leaders agreed to split the difference. Instead of a long extension into March 2020 or short one until June, they settled on 31 October. Brexit day will fall on Halloween, assuming the UK takes part in the European elections.

Some were exasperated that it had taken so long. “Was it really worth it: to climb up a tree and then climb down five minutes later,” one EU diplomat said of Macron’s stance. “You might expect that from a smaller country of less consequence. But not from a big member state.”

Theresa May was called back to the summit headquarters, where she met Tusk to be informed of the only option on offer.

Speaking later to journalist, Tusk said the extension was “as flexible” although “a little bit shorter than I expected. But it’s still enough to find the best possible solution.”

His parting message to the UK: “please do not waste this time.”