THE high cost of child care means that most parents only work to avoid their kids, it has emerged.

With nursery schools now costing more than many people earn, parents of young children have admitted having jobs mainly so that they can spend their days with adults.

Father-of-three Tom Logan said: “I just give all my wages to something called Tiny Tots.

“I don’t actually know what ‘Tiny Tots’ does, it could be a pre-school version of the Hitler Youth to be honest.

“Anyway, if I didn’t do that I’d be at home covered in jam and faeces.”

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I’m working all the time so I rarely get to see my kids. Which is kind of the point.

“I don’t particularly like my office job, but it’s a damn sight more fun than trying to stop a pair of tiny, utterly ignorant humans from killing a cat.”

When asked what they actually did in return for their extortionate fees, nursery school teacher Mary Fisher said: “We deal with your kids.”