New Report Indicates Audiences Were Bribed To Laugh At 'Full House'

U.S.—A new report indicated Friday that audiences may have been bribed to laugh at the so-called "jokes" in 1990s television series Full House.

The far-reaching bribery scandal appears to extend to every season, every scene, every line of the television show. The nation has long wondered how on earth showrunners were able to get a laugh track synced up to the show's incredibly stilted jokes and awkwardly executed humor. The FBI found that audience members were paid hundreds of thousands of dollars, sometimes up to $6 million, to pretend like the show was funny.

"How else do you think they got those studio audiences to chuckle and guffaw at what may be the cringiest television show ever written?" said an FBI investigator who blew the conspiracy wide open. "That really aroused our suspicions. Like, there were two-dimensional characters, ridiculous situations, and that weird guy with the puppet. What was up with him?"

The FBI report further indicated that audiences were bribed to say "Awwwww!" every time some ostensibly heartwarming but actually really contrived event occurred on the show.

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