MUMBAI: Men who ponder the eternal puzzle about what it is women really want may finally have the answer.

An online poll by a matrimonial website asked Indian women what they seek from a prospective spouse. An overwhelming 39.5% said that they expect their men to know how to cook while 51.2% wished they would help with household chores.

The list of turn-offs was obvious. Around 46% respondents took home a negative impression of men who were rude with service personnel, while 39% said their would-be partner should not be distracted by his cellphone during a conversation.

Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria says her pre-marital counselling workshops throw up similar findings. “We ask men and women to voice their expectations so that the possibility of friction arising after marriage is reduced. After all, the woman no longer fulfils merely the traditional role of homemaker. Her responsibilities have expanded to include an equal career, supporting household finances and managing the children's schoolwork. She feels that if both partners return home from work at the same hour, it would be unfair for the man to flop down before the TV while the woman heads for the kitchen.”

Chhabria says this simmering resentment can give rise to discord down the road when couples compare individual incomes. “The husband may feel he works 12 hours a day but the wife will say she works 14 doing household chores,” she said. “Fortunately, modern men do treat women as equals and are not averse to learning how to cook.”

In fact a schoolteacher was recently telling me how several boys had also signed up for cookery class , motivated by a reality show involving schoolchildren.”

Gourav Rakshit, chief operating officer of Shaadi.com which conducted the survey, said, “When women were asked about the must-haves in a relationship, 48.2% wanted a person who treated them respectfully. Around 40% sought a partner who valued the woman's job and 9.3% wanted their partner to be okay with their financial independence."

Asked what they expect from men when they meet for the first time, 55.6% said “chivalry” while 19.3% wanted the gentleman to “be okay if the woman wants to pay the bill”.

