CHAPEL HILL, NC — The Appalachian State football team made a visit on Saturday to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the university that had been among the top of many of their lists before eventually settling on App State for the golden opportunity to beat up on random teams from across the greater southeast region while taking exactly one highly-touted program to the wire per season.

As the team does whenever facing a school they had dreamed of playing for since their earliest days, the Mountaineers performed exceptionally, taking a close game into its final seconds before ultimately deciding the game on the final play. App State came out on top this time around after several close matchups in recent years with such heavyweights as Tennessee (beaten by Georgia State at home but not by us???), the perpetually 8-4 Wake Forest, and Penn State (one of the 12 teams whose season is ended by Ohio State every year) being won by the opponent as time expired.

“We’re always excited to travel and play a big-time program, but we’re especially pumped to visit a campus that all of us have visited with intentions of attending at some point,” said App State head football coach Eliah Drinkwitz. “I coached at NC State the past few years so I picked up a thing or two on how to beat these snooty UNC bastards and was glad I could pass it along and share it with the boys and the fans, it really means a lot to help them finally get over that psychological barrier.”

It was the Mountaineers’ first game against UNC since 1940 and first win over a Power 5 opponent since they won that one game against Michigan that you may or may not have been made aware of in the past.

“What a spectacular time to be a Mountaineer!” said Director of Athletics Todd Abernathy, “We are ecstatic and simply cannot wait to have another tremendous, storied football victory to stuff down the throats of our students and boosters for all conceivable time.”

At press time, a meeting of the university’s Athletic Department could be heard kicking around the idea of beginning a home-and-home series with UNC to be played every 79 years.