News » Pot Growers Are Terrorists!





Well, according to the U.S. Bureau of Reclamation’s Critical Infrastructure Crisis Response Exercise Program they are, anyway. Using a terror scenario right out of a badly-written Tom Clancy novel, the USBR and several federal, state, and local officials conducted a 12 hour drill in Northern California.

After 18 months of planning, and after just one agency had spent half a million dollars (no word on what the others spent), the scenario played out like this:

Evil terrorist pot growers set off bombs over the Shasta Dam in order to free an imprisoned comrade – probably in prison for possession with intent, I’d imagine. This “red cell” of pot growers set off bus and car bombs as distractions, took the dam by force, securing 3 hostages in the process, and then threatened to open up the flood gates if their comrade wasn’t freed.

The job of the “good guys” (that would mean police, who wear black, not white, SWAT hats) was to end the standoff without the dam being opened or the “bad guys” (aka pot growers) killing any hostages. In the fictional cop version, the terrorists go down and the heroes walk away to celebrate at the local Dunkin Donuts.

In my version, the police and SWAT efforts are foiled by an ingenious smoke screen of pot laid out by the freedom fighters (hey, one man’s terrorist…) who, obviously, have plenty of access to all the buds they need for that sort of thing. The cops, being unused to the sweet chiva, become inebriated (ala Cheech and Chong’s Up In Smoke) and the freedom fighters convince their leader to let their comrade go.

Once their friend is released, they all escape to live happy lives in the forest, growing pot and posting screeds on the Internet. The cops come down from their high with huge headaches (the freedom fighters weren’t stupid, they used cheap skunk weed) and several of them lose their jobs after failing a drug test two weeks later.

This has the makings of a best seller. Way better than stealing government marijuana from a science lab…

[source Washington Post]

Tags: legalize, police, terrorists