The country’s in dire straits indeed, even when not listening to Dire Straits, and it’s clear that only two men are literarily capable of breaking down the situation and empowering the masses with knowledge bullets to fell their foes, and those men are … second-or-maybe-third-tier action protag dude Steven Segal and his pal (?) Tom Morrissey, who wasn’t in any movies with DMX.

For this roughest of rides, only one man could show up and help us through the deep thickets of paranoid dog-whistling about a version of the Deep State (sic) that lurks just beyond every border, and also in our nation’s capital, and also in TV stations and we could go on like this for some time, but luckily (?) Messers. Segal and Morrissey have gone ahead and gone on like that for us, and that man? Why, it’s Jeb Lund!

Somehow, we make it through a couple hundred pages of magnificently clunky prose, pseudo-positive stereotypes bashing against horrifyingly offensive ones, head shots, manly banter that’s torture to read, snake-heavy torture scenes, and more glancingly mentioned right-wing conspiracy theories than was probably healthy. But it’s all fun, we promise. So if you’re ready to step into the shadows and enter a state that’s most deep, please: join us.

Keep in touch with Jeb’s work here, and listen to his rad podcast, which just may soon feature a guest spot from some fellas you know, here (Patreon) and here (Dave and Jeb Aren’t Mean on iTunes)!