Here, again, is the typical make millions lottery scam. The promise is from a “banker” who claimed that a client died in a tragic accident and has funds sitting in an account and needs someone willing to claim it.So the “banker” can split the money instead of subsequently being forfeited to the government (in this case Burkina Faso).

Unfortunately, even though this scam has been around since the big bang, there are a select few who still fall prey. I decided to become that prey.

I have used two of my reoccurring characters with this swindler: Howard Artom an investor and good old Rabbi Hamburger – who played the part of Howard’s attorney

The Spam Folder Yields Rubbish for Some, Gold for Others:

FROM THE DESK OF Mr. MOUSSA AHMED

MANAGER AUDIT&ACCOUNT DEPT,

BANK OF AFRICA OUGADOUGOU

BURKINA-FASO.

Good Day. I know this message might meet you in utmost surprise;however, it’s just my urgent need for a foreign partner that made me to contact you for this mutual benefiting business when searching for a good and reliable and trust worthy person…

I am Mr. MOUSSA AHMED

Manager Audit/Accounting Department BANK OF AFRICA B.O.A Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso, I would like to know if this proposal will be worthwhile…

Million Three Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($19.3m) in one of his Private US dollar Account that was been managed by me as his Customer’s Account Officer…

Now, if you are interested and really sure of your trustworthy…

I expect your reply

Sincerely

Mr. MOUSSA AHMED

From: Howard Artom To: the “Moussa Ahmed”

Note: No matter how much I butcher their names, they never seem to notice. I keep messing up his name throughout my correspondence but not a word is mentioned from the scammer

Hello Mr. Asshead,

I am very happy to learn of this investment opportunity. I am an investment banker and I would like to know of the details. To prove my trustworthiness, I have to say that I am a deeply religious man and am dedicated to the Lard Gob and have integrity in the crunch and at work.

Please send more details,

Yours truly,

Howard Artom The scammer takes the bait and sends a long cut and paste email which assures me that this risk free, goes into details about the “accident” gives me a huge figure that was in the “bank account” and gives his fake personal details in hopes of gaining trust. subsequently asking for my personal details in return. From here on I will omit the redundancies in the scam emails for the sanity of my readers.

From: Moussa Ahmed To: Howard Artom

Hello Howard Artom. Thanks for your kind reply in respect of my business proposal. As regards to this transaction, I stand to assure you that there is no

problem in this transaction for it is 100% legal and…

1. NAME: MR. MOUSSA AHMED

2.. AGE: 55 Years

3. MARITAL STATUS: Married with three children

4. OCCUPATION: Banker

5. YEARS OF EXPERIENCE: 23 Years

6 STATE OF ORIGIN: Bobo Dioulaso

7. COUNTRY: Burkina Faso

BACKGROUND OF TRANSACTION;

The Name of the deceased Customer was MR. Manfred Hoffman, a foreigner

from Germany…

1 First name…

2 Surname…

3 Age…

4 Occupation..

5) Telephone number…. 6) Address…

7) Country…..Regards,

MR. MOUSSA AHMED

A deal of this magnitude requires proof. After all Howard Artom is no fool. Therefore, he does what any smart person would do. Ask that the body be exhumed and poked with a stick. From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed

Hello Mr. Mousehead,

I am so sorry to hear about the deceased person. The money is not important but I do like to look at dead bodies to make sure that they are really dead. One can never be sure. Have you tried poking it with a stick? I did that with my aunt Marta and she woke up.Anyway, My name is Howard

My surname is Artom

I am a scientist

Please send me the picture of the dead person so I can tell you that they are really dead

may the Lard be with you I asked for the body to be exhumed and poked not for a picture. It shows me the level of literacy of this person. Anyway, it is good when one gets more than a cut and paste email from a scammer The Scammer to Howard Artom

Dear I don’t really understand what you meant by the message sent to me please can you tell me more about it because I don’t know how to show you the picture of someone whom have died so many years ago and as well have decade too how will I see his picture to send to you then

I apologize for the misunderstanding and enquirer about his country “Fatso” and ask if there are a lot of overweight people there.

Howard Artom to the Scammer

Hello Mr. Mousedad,

I must apologize for the misunderstanding. I thought you said that he died 13 days ago. There is no need to dig him up like you suggested. Who was this man who died? Was he an uncle of mine?Please forgive me but you said that you are from a country called Fatso? Where is that and are people overweight there?Respectfully,

Howard Artom, DDS

I am a jock? I think he meant joke.

From Mussa Ahmad To: Howard Artom

Subject: DONT BE CONFUSSED

Please you don’t have to jock with something so serious of this nature what actual do you always mean

Howard has to lay down the law and say that he is not jocking and is serial. Then he threatens to walk away from the deal

From: Howard Artom To: Mussa Ahmad

Hello Mr. Mouseass,

I am not jocking. I am merely trying to establish who this person was and if it is a viable business deal. If you think this is a jock then maybe we can’t do business. If you think it is serial then we can proceed.I am a very busy man so you will have to let me know.

Mr. “Mouse ass” comes back and sticks to his story and repeats his story about the dead relative in the plane crash From: Mussa Ahmad To: Howard Artom

Like I have made you to understand the man in question MR MANFRED HOFFMAN is from Germany but dies in a plane crash in Paris leaving behind this sum in my custody which I was his account officer during his stay in my country as a crude oil merchant and as well a government contractor

From: Howard Artom To: Mussa Ahmad Mr. Mousehead,

Therefore you are from France? My mother and father were born in Paris and I been there many times. Where is the bank you work in? I may have done business there. Anyway, how do we begin this transaction? Now he directs me to another party(probably himself under a different email address_ trying to make it look official. He still persists on getting my personal information

From: Mussa Ahmad To: Howard Artom

no much time to go trough that but as

the case may be I will like us to proceed Now as you have accepted to

assist me fully in this transaction, …

I will offer you 40% of the total sum of the fund and 10% will be map out for any expanses…

……….

TO THE OFFICE OF DR MARK LORD

FORIGHN REMITTANCE DIRECTOR

BANK OF AFRICA (B .O .A) ANNEX

OUGAGADOUGOU BURKINAFASO

…

BANK.NAME….

TEL…..

ADD…

MARRIAGE STATUS… l…..

LOCATION…

SEX….

AGE……

OCCUPATION….

THANKS IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR COOPERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

I decide to totally ignore his request for personal information. Instead, I just hit him with more questions to make me look suspicious. Also, it forces him to actually write something instead of copying and pasting. I still play up on the name of his country. I love the idea of a country that has a name that looks like “Fatso”

From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed Hello Mr. Assmed,

I understand everything that you wrote except one thing. You said that he was from Germany and he died in Paris. I don’t understand what Bunker Fatso is. Is it the name of the bank? Yours Truly(and nobody else’s),

Howard Artom, DDS

Again he is too lazy to write anything of substance and pastes in the same old boring request for personal information

From: Mussa Ahmod To: Howard Artom

Subject: In that case I will like you to reread the details of the transaction again

In that case I will like you to reread the details of the transaction again

The Name of the deceased Customer was MR. Manfred Hoffman, a foreigner

from Germany. ..Finally, if you wish to achieve this goal with me,…

1 First name..

2 Surname.

3 Age…

4 Occupation..

5) Telephone number… 6) Address…

7) Country..

Regards,

MR. MOUSSA AHMED

Instead of giving Mr. Ahmed my personal information I decide to complicate things just for the fun of it. I froward his email to another throw away email address I have. Mr. Rabbi Hamilton Burger or simply known as Rabbi Hamburger who will be retained as my attorney. From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed. Forwardedz to Attorney Hamilton Burger This is a very complected matter you have here. What I will do is forward this document to my attorney – Hamilton Burger – and we will be in contact. Best Regards,

Howard Accidentally forwarding an email can be an embarrassment but not in this case. Here I “slip up” and send it to our friend Mr. Ahmed. From: Attorney Hamilton Burger To: Howard Artom (Accidentally forwarded to the scammer) Dear Mr. Artom,

In my initial perusal of the document provided my firm by Mr. Ahmed, I find this to be an outstanding deal. The advice I can give you at this point is to go ahead with the transaction. You should request as to where Mr. Hoffman had passed. The document stated that Mr. Hoffman was a German citizen but did not state where he died. That is all the legal advice this firm can give you at this time. Regards,

Hamilton Burger, ESQ “Not knowing” that Mr. Ahmed seen the correspondence I email him and paraphrase From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed Hello Mr. Mouseass,

My lawyer finally wrote me back. He said that we should begin the transaction but he wants to know which country the man died in? One accidentally forwarded email deserves another. Here Attorney Ham Burger forwards an email intended for Howard Artom to Mr. Ahmed. Attorney Ham Burger informs Howard Artom that Bunker Fatso is not a weight condition. It is a country. Time for our friendly attorney to insult the scammer’s nation. From: Attorney Hamilton Burger To: Howard Artom and accidently Forwared to the Scammer Mr. Artom,

My secretary delivered your phone message. It is not called Bunker Fatso. The country is Burkina Faso. It is not a bank but a country in Africa. The population is not human as far as I can tell. They are just useless monkeys to say the least. Please don’t tell that to that Ahmed guy. Just get your share of the money and be done with it. It should be like getting candy from a baby. Remember, only Americans and Jewish people are human. The rest are just insects. Rabbi Burger, ESQ

Somewhere along the line we apparently offended Mr. Ahmed.

From: Moussa Ahmed To: Howard Artom Accidently Forwarded to Attorney Hamilton Burger

I don’t know the reason why you are acting this way, playing with a serious issue I made you to understand at the initial stag that am from a country in Africa called Burkina Faso and I have this late customer who left behind the sum of 19.3 million usd…

Moussa Ahmed I have to slip in what a smart person he thinks Ahmed is. I hope that incriminating email didn’t slip out From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed Hello Mr. Asshead,

I am being very serious myself. I called my lawyer and he said that people are very intelligent in Fatso. He said that they are very smart and I should be serious because they are very honest people. So, please stop jocking and let’s get this deal going. I need to know what you need from me first!?!?! Rabbi Ham Burger Esq’s time is valuable. He can’t let Mr. Ahmed freeload his services From: Attorney Hamilton Burger To: Moussa Ahmed Mr. Ahmed,

I am not sure of your understanding of this matter, but I represent Mr. Artom and not your self. Should you desire legal consultation from my firm, I would require a retainer of $1,000 USD plus $350.00 per hour. I accept: Visa, MasterCard, American Express and Discover. Other then that I can not help you. Mr. Artom’s company pays an annual fee for my advice and you are out of the scope of his agreement. Sincerely,

Hamilton Burger ESQ Why not have attorney Burger start chasing our friend Moussa for legal services rendered? If nothing else it has to be annoying From: Attorney Hamilton Burger To: Moussa Ahmed Mr. Ahmed,

I find it difficult to understand your inability to pay my very reasonable fees. Mr. Artom has informed me that you and him are to procure millions from a multi-national deal. Please refrain from contacting this law office for free legal advice unless you remit the necessary payments. Sincerely,

Rabbi Hamilton Burger, ESQ Our friend Ahmed is a real deadbeat. We may have to send him to collections. From: Attorney Hamilton Burger To: Moussa Ahmed Dear Mr. Ahmed,account is seri

Please be advised that your ously past due. As per our agreement, you were required to pay retainer fees and my hourly consultation fees. The charges are as follows:

Retainer fee: $1,000.00

Per hour consultation fee for 3 hours: $1050.00

Total: $2050.00 Please remit now to avoid any interest and having this debt being submitted to collections. Respectfully,

Rabbi Hamilton Burger, ESQ

After rudely ignoring the good rabbi’s invoices, Howard Artom becomes “Dear” My honey bunny wants me to send my personal information to “The Bank of Africa”

From: Moussa Ahmed To: Howard Artom

Subject: SEE THE LETTER OF CLAIM USE IT AND CONTACT THE BANK DEAR,Now as you have accepted to assist me fully in this transaction, what

I want you to do is to contact the bank for the claim of the fundbelow is the letter of claim for next of kin you have to fill-in your

information’s… don’t hesitate to send their reply to

me TO THE OFFICE OF DR MARK LORD

FORIGHN REMITTANCE DIRECTOR

BANK OF AFRICA (B .O .A) ANNEX

OUGAGADOUGOU BURKINAFASO… SIR, ACCEPT MY APOLOGIES FOR THE LATE WRITTEN NOTICE OF CLAIM OF MY INHERITANCE FUND DEPOSITED IN YOUR BANK.NAME..

TEL….

ADD…..

MARRIAGE STATUS….

LOCATION……

SEX…..

AGE….

OCCUPATION…. THANKS IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR COOPERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

Therefore, I do the next best thing I can to piss off Moussa. I send the information to his email. Why not add some extra digits to the phone number. One never knows when they will use a few extra digits.

From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed DEAR SIR, I AM MR/MRS …HOWARD ARTOM…… SIR, ACCEPT MY APOLOGIES FOR THE LATE WRITTEN NOTICE OF CLAIM OF MY INHERITANCE FUND DEPOSITED IN YOUR BANK. NAME.HOWARD ARTOM…..

TEL..(662) 3233-71174….

ADD.P.O. BOX 24 BIRMINGHAM …….MS…

MARRIAGE STATUS..I DO NOT HAVE A WIFE OR A HUSBAND.

LOCATION…MISSISSIPPI..

SEX.SOMETIMES

AGE…33

OCCUPATION….BANKER/INVESTOR3

Ok that was difficult. Now where’s my money?

From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed

Mr. Mouseass,

I just send you the form. I did everything you wanted. Now you can send me the money and no more jocking. Howard Artom, PNG Now it’s time for Mr. Ahmed to stop jocking. I want my money From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed Mr. Mouseass,

I have sent you the information that you asked for and you said nothing. What are you trying to pull? Stop jocking and be an adult

I had a hunch that he would be pissed that I didn’t send the info to the “bank” I have to admit, I have no clue why that was important. Couldn’t of he just forward it himself? Someone please explain in the comments.

From: Moussa Ahmed To: Howard Artom

Subject: FOLLOW UP MY DIRECTIVES What I demanded from you is to send the information to that bank this email address boa_bfa@outlook.com as fast as possible I never meant you should send the information to me dear if you really want to end this transaction with me all you have to do is to keep following up my instructions and as well my directives tooThanks

This means war. I think I’ll have a little fun and call Mr. “Ass mouse” a liar. I think I’ll just attach it one more time for an added touch. From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed forwared to: “The Bank of Africa” Hello Mr. Assmouse,

But you said that I have to send the information to you. I don’t know why you would say that. I was thinking why you told me not to send it to the bank, but I can send it right now this second. Also, my lawyer says that you owe him money for the advice he gave to you. Bye,

Howard Artom, UFO DEAR SIR, I AM MR/MRS …HOWARD ARTOM………… A BUSINESS PARTNER AND NEXT OF KIN TO ONE OF YOUR LAT… NAME….HOWARD ARTOM……

TEL………(662) 3233-71174…

ADD……..P.O. BOX 24 BIRMINGHAM …….MS..

MARRIAGE STATUS……..I DO NOT HAVE A WIFE ….

LOCATION…….MISSISSIPPI.

SEX…….SOMETIMES.

AGE…………33

OCCUPATION……….BANKER/INVESTOR The ass mouse sounds like a fun guy. Why not demand the money and still try to haggle about our shares From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed Mr. Assmouse,

I had sent all the information to the bank and I am waiting for our money to come into my account. I know that you will get 30% of it. Will it all come to me or will your share come to you??

This is getting serious. Dr. Lord from the Bank is sending me a request for my personal information. And to think I didn’t take this serious.

From “The Bank of Africa” to Howard Artom

Subject :BANK OF AFRICA ©(BOA-BANK)BOA BANK (BANK OF AFRICA)

BURKINA FASO WEST AFRICA

TELL: 00226-68104977.

FAX: 00226-502 72 018ATTN:RE: FUND TRANSFER (US$19,300,000.00)

_________DEAR VALUED CUSTOMER-:WITH ALL DUE RESPECT.THIS COMMUNICATION IS TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS (B.O.A) BANK OF AFRICA) IS IN RECEIPT OF YOUR CLAIMS LETTER,…

(1).BANK NAME:…

(2).ACCOUNT NUMBER :……ACCOUNT HOLDER ……..

(3).SWIFT CODE :

(4).BANK ADDRESS :…

(5).COUNTRY :

(6).BENEFICIARY NAME

(7).YOUR PARTNER DORMANT ACCOUNT INFORMATION …..HEREBY ADVISE YOU TO SEND ALL THIS INFORMATIONS BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY… THANKS. FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.WE ARE WAITING TO CONFIRM BANK DATA’S INFORMATION IMMEDIATELY. WE THANK YOU FOR USING OUR CONVENIENCE BANKING SERVICES AND LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR CONTINUED ASSOCIATION WITH US. IF YOU HAVE FURTHER QUESTIONS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL US YOURS FAITHFULLY, DR MARK LORD FOREIGN REMITTAN Thank you for banking with us Thank you for choosing bank of africa, Your Bank.

Yours faithfully, Dr. MARK LORD Since this is serious business, I will have to send “The Bank” some serious personal information From: Howard Artom To: “The Bank” BANK

ONCE AGAIN WE WANT YOU TO FILL BELOW YOUR ACCOUNT INFORMATION. (1).BANK NAME: THE BANK OF CARL’S JR.

(2).ACCOUNT NUMBER :………601…ACCOUNT HOLDER HOWARD ARTOM (3).SWIFT CODE :…8241519…

(4).BANK ADDRESS :101 EASTHAVEN DRIVE

(5).COUNTRY :UNITED STATES

(6).BENEFICIARY NAME :……ME… (7).YOUR PARTNER DORMANT ACCOUNT INFORMATION: DIED IN A PLANE CRASH IN PARIS…

Ahmed (now ass mouse) suddenly becomes polite and squashes my haggling efforts

From: Moussa Ahmed To: Howard Artom

Subject: FOLLOW UP MY DIRECTIVES

I beg your pardon gentle manWhat we deliberated on is 50 percent for me 40 percent for you and as well the rest 10 percent will be for any expensive we have made in the transaction before we start the sharing of the fund when it will be transferred to you immediately

I decide to be a loyal client to rabbi Ham Burger and inquire how his attorney fees will be paid. After all, I want to know where the extra ten percent will go.

From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed

Hello Mr. Assmouse my friend,

Like I said in the beginning, the money is important. What will be the exact shares for each of us. The 10 percent for expenses goes to whom?? I know that we didn’t have many expenses except the money you owe to Rabbi Burger. Does that come out of your share or the 10 percent? If there is money left from the 10 percent do we split it?

Again, what will be the dollar amount we will both be getting and how much is the left over 10 percent.

Maybe when this is done we can start a business together

He is still arguing about the ten percent? And what about Rabbi Burger’s money?

From: Moussa Ahmed To: Howard Artom

Subject: FOLLOW UP MY DIRECTIVES Defiantly you have to understand that there will defiantly be expenses before this money will be transferred to us

Now the ten percent have been mapped out and will also be share among us when we have to start the transferring after we must have made the expenses too I hope you understand that the money will be split into 50 percent for me 40 percent for you and as well the rest 10 percent will be for any expensive we have made in the transaction before we start the sharing of the fundhow far have you as well gone with the bank

Howard Artom is a tough man. It is time for Ahmed to pay up. After all, I do want to purchase some necessities From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed Hello my friend assmouth,

I did everything the bank assed so I am waiting back for the money to enter my account. What is the actual dollar figure I should expect to receive. I want to buy a new house and boat with the money so I need to tell the real estate agent which houses I can afford as well as the fishermen boat person Howard Artom, DND So after all of this Ahmed got it right. I am not jocker I am a joker From: Moussa Ahmed To: Howard Artom You are indeed a joker fuck off and don’t write to me any more Idot What is a good scam bait without a thank you to the scammer that I scammed. I did actually play this guy two more times under different names. If you want me to dig and post them, please let me know in the comment section. From: Howard Artom To: Moussa Ahmed

Hi Assface

I want to congratulate on a game well played. In other words, you are extremely stupid. Please accept the coveted Mugu Award. Please don’t thank me. You’ve earned it. Show it to your friends! Display it proudly on the internet cafe wall! Tattoo it on your mother’s ass so the whole village can see it. Remember, that we will play again some day. In fact. I may be playing you right now and you don’t even know it yet. I do have a lot of email accounts.

A Final Invoice to the Scammer from Attorney Hamilton Burger

Mr. Ahmed,

I want to reiterate that your account is still seriously past due. For your

convenience, please find the attached invoice.

By the way. Howard says Hi

Rabbi Hamburger ESP

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