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(CNN) Before dropping off his son at Colgate University a few days ago to begin his freshman year, New York advertising photographer Robert Tardio went on one last summer vacation with his family. While his wife and youngest son were out exploring the quaint streets of Montreal, Robert took his eldest, college-bound teen out for a beer. "My son is an incredible, conscientious young man. But at 14, 15, 16 -- alcohol was out of the question. We made it very clear what our expectations were and that he would not be drinking."

The rules shifted for Tardio's son Ames when he turned 18. Now, a beer here or there was no longer out of the question.

"In our minds, he became somewhat of an adult, and we were willing to set new limits. He understood that if he was going to have a drink he had to be responsible and in control at all times. We also had many discussions with him about the consequences of his actions if he wasn't under control."

So the Tardios did what many parents across the country do: They made up their own rules, inside their own home, when it came to alcohol consumption and their underage children. As a mother of a 10-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son, I've often wondered if it's OK to give my children a sip of wine at dinner. Would I be sending an irresponsible message, or demystifying alcohol and thereby weakening its allure later on?

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