There’s too many lists.

I got caught up in just how many articles were out there. It was intimidating and boring, all at once. So many that after a few hours of reading them, I wanted to throw my laptop out the window. I read page after page of creative productivity articles, and every time a website offered to sign me up to their email newsletter about productivity, I took them up on the offer. Within the first three hours I’d received nearly 20 emails from a plethora of websites targeting creative individuals. It started to make me think that there was something else at play here, more than a genuine desire to help this tiny speck of a human stuck to a bit of rock hurtling through space be better at what I feel like I am here to do: make stuff.

Here is a typical list on “How To Increase Your Productivity and be an All Star Creativity Machine 24 Hours a Day” or “The Productivity Mambo”:

1. Clean anything. You’ll be twelve zillion times better at creating things if you clean out your inbox/contacts/calendar/wig/under your bed/your mini fridge. Uh so yeah, you’d better get on that cleaning yesterday.

2. Walk somewhere. Go around the block or take the stairs or walk for 10 minutes of your lunch break. Walking short term will help with productivity. Walk the dog/children/neurosis. Walk! Walk!!

3. Count the minutes you work. Use a stop watch or time tracking device so you can anxiously glance at the mechanical contraption you’re competing with to do your own work. Be sure to spend at least half the time looking at your watch and use it to log tasks/times you blink per minute.

4. Employ a buzzword. This list will then mention some macro-scale, vague tip to generally pursue with no specificity. You’ll be encouraged to do things like “clustering,” “mustering,” “reflect on core competency,” or “moving the needle”. Extra points if the article has some lame advice about not “drinking the Kool Aid” or other unfunny advice.