A FEW years ago, a college sophomore in upstate New York learned that his father was in the ICU after suffering a heart attack. During a “gavel session,” a fraternity ritual during which members took turns sharing personal matters, he told his chapter the news.

“Things weren’t looking good. At 19 and especially around a group of guys, I was very hesitant to share what was going on. But eventually, I broke down in tears,” he told me.

“In one of the biggest surprises of my life, everyone — I mean everyone — was incredibly supportive. One brother came to me and shared his own experience with his father dying. I was even contacted by local alumni who took me to dinner and shared their own experiences and advice. Because I went to college 3,000 miles away from my family, these brothers became my support.”

I interviewed hundreds of fraternity members and closely followed two college guys’ stories for a year for my book “Fraternity: An Inside Look at a Year of College Boys Becoming Men.”

And I learned that for many boys who are in healthy chapters, fraternities can be a good thing.

Yes, some chapters have engaged in terrible behavior. In 2017, New Jersey native Timothy Piazza died in an alcohol-soaked pledging ritual at the Beta Theta Pi house at Penn State, which led to a slew of charges against his fellow brothers; one was sentenced to 27 months’ probation.

Last week, three women sued Yale University and its nine all-male fraternities, arguing that the single-sex organizations have led to the spread of sexual assault, harassment and discrimination on campus.

But my research indicates that many more chapters do not.

“A lot of public attention toward Greek life is directed at large-school, party-oriented groups, which causes a mischaracterization of fraternity life,” the New York fraternity brother said. “Large chapters at big party schools have the most alumni and the largest houses, they host the largest parties and are most likely to do something that makes the news in the wrong way.

But for every chapter that has 150 brothers and throws massive pool parties, there are two or three that have 30 to 40 members and truly encourage brotherhood, scholarship and success.”

Uniquely, compared to other college friendships, conversations among brothers are often conducted collectively, with dozens of guys sitting in a circle or ongoing mass group texts among pledge classes. Just as they are inspired to celebrate their triumphs, they are encouraged to admit their failings, doubts and sorrows so that brothers may console them. (Some chapters even have a designated officer whom reticent members can confide in one-on-one.)

Members nationwide said that fraternity brotherhood carries an expectation that members will share their confidences, listen to others and be supportive.

“Friendship in the digital age is much different than brotherhood. A lot of friendships are selfish: ‘What are you giving me?’ In the brotherhood, it’s ‘What can we give each other?’ ” a Michigan brother said.

‘You need other people to talk to and listen to you. Fraternities give that sort of outlet.’

Certainly, sexual assault is a problem in too many chapters. But in chapters that are diligent about consent training and bystander intervention, brothers may be more well-informed than non-Greeks.

In a 2013 study, Loyola University in New Orleans psychology professor Charles Corprew found that by offering spaces in which college men could talk with other men about their relationships, fraternities helped members keep sexual aggression in check, even if they had hyper-masculine attitudes. Corprew concluded that nonmembers who exhibited hyper-masculinity were more likely to be sexually aggressive, meaning they were actually more of a threat than fraternity brothers.

Furthermore, one of the biggest benefits of fraternities can be their attention to young men’s mental health. Alpha Tau Omega, for example, provides members with free online therapy for up to three months.

A New Jersey junior, who was “really down” about his relationship with his parents, told me he confided in his pledge class.

“I had eight other guys listening to me, talking to me about my issues: parental stressors, pressures I felt moving off to college, how relieved I felt to be out of high school but still sort of hurting when I went home.”

The conversation both made the brother feel better and drastically improved his relationship with his parents.

“Saying it to these people in a safe space is very helpful. And probably saves a lot of lives,” he said.

“When people try to tell you you don’t need anyone, that’s BS. You need other people to talk to and listen to you. Fraternities give that sort of outlet.”

Alexandra Robbins is the author of “Fraternity: An Inside Look at a Year of College Boys Becoming Men” (Dutton), out now.