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HERE COMES TEAM PLACEBO, MADE UP OF THE DRAIGG AND FALCYON IN THEIR SOUPED UP TRANS-AM 20000

YOOOOOOOOOO! You don't know shit about writing! You don't know a damn thing! (Disclaimer: We didn't mean to insult you. We're sorry. No, where are you going? Come back! :c)

Okay, okay, we'll try a different reference. Something that won't offend people as much. Ahem.

This is the QWERTY keyboard, the finest keyboard ever made. Six keys, more than enough to type anything that moves. Now you'll see why they call us... REVOLVERRRRRRRRRRR.

Wait, that doesn't work either. Ah, fuck it. Let's just get to the story already.

Something strange happened to Team CFVY the next morning. Without any alarms, they all woke up at precisely the same time. Of course, compared to the other crap they had put up with for the past few days, this was pretty tame. It was like finding people doing missionary in some ancient sexnasium. Or, like finding the one expired candy bar without insect eggs hatched inside the wrapper. In short, an unexpected reprieve. A small, weird island in a sea of creepy madness.

Each member woke up a slightly different way though. Coco slowly opened her eyes and squinted against the bright sunlight pouring through the window. Yatsu fell out of his bed at the same moment, taking all of his bedsheets, including the mattress liner, with him to the floor. Fox woke up partially under his mattress. Sadly, it wasn't the first time this had happened. His sleep habits could get... odd at times.

And as for Velvet... she wasn't even in her bed, period. Instead, when she suddenly shot up from her sleep, her head hit the side of the bathtub, knocking over various bottles of body wash and shampoo. "Urrrrggggghhhhh..." Velvet groaned, rubbing her head.

She propped herself up on one knee, quickly realizing where she was. She could have sworn that she had fallen asleep in her bed... Wait, where were her clothes? No wonder she felt so cold. And what was that wet feeling... oh…

Quickly, Velvet scrambled up. Yes, that was urine soaking her legs. She gingerly stepped out of the tub and decided she needed a shower. She turned on the water and waited for it to warm up.

Coco heard the hiss of the shower coming from the bathroom. This was her chance to get ready. Today she was going to out-crazy Velvet. The brunette swung out of bed and let her bare feet slap to the hardwood floor. She was sleeping in her underwear, seeing how it was too warm to have her designer pajamas on. She didn't want them to get all sweaty and gross.

With the swagger that only a person getting ready to gracefully dive off the deep end into insanity could have, Coco walked up to the pill bottle resting on Velvet's dresser. It's like that one philosopher that Coco couldn't remember the name of right now said. When you stare into the abyss, you need to eat some of the abyss to fight back. Or something like that. It had been a while since Coco really brushed up on her philosophy. The point being, if Coco was going to do crazy right, she needed the same stuff that Velvet was taking.

She unceremoniously twisted the cap off the small orange bottle. The little pink pills seemed to call out to her, as if they wanted to help her in her semi-noble quest.

"Swallow us, Coco!"

"Yeah! We wanna help!"

"Me llamo es las drogas!"

"Let us help you!"

Huh. One of those was certainly not like the others.

Ignoring that, Coco readied herself to swallow the pills. She emptied out three into her hand. What could possibly go wrong? Well, a lot of things. Like what would happen a few minutes after she had not-so-gracefully tried to dry-swallow them like in the movies. Succumbing to a fit of hacking coughs, she put the pill bottle back where Velvet had placed it. NOW she was ready to out-crazy the crazy! Or maybe...

Coco's mind snapped. Pulling a sheet around her still almost naked body, she sprinted out the door.

"It's mine! IT'S ALL MINNNNNEEEEEEEEE!" she screeched as she tore down the hallway, half dressed and insane. It was still 6:43 in the morning, meaning her cries echoed down the hallway and woke up pretty much every single one of her classmates-no, her subjects! Yes! Her dear subjects!

This land was all hers! Villages to be raped and maidens to be pillaged! Or whatever! It didn't matter! She was the Sovereign of the entirety of Beacon Academy! She could do whatever she wanted! She was the ruler by divine right! The school was her bitch!

She wrapped her pure white cloak around herself. Nobody but the finest suitors would be allowed to see her bare flesh. Unless she got one of those sets of armor that showed off her body... Ooooh! She liked that idea! Then she could appeal to the sexual desires of her subjects, making them easier to control! Probably something gold. And a fur collar! Those were always nice. Yet again, this season was too hot for that. Wait, what season was this? Wait, what YEAR was this? Eh. Whatever. Now she was overthinking things. And overthinking made her head-place hurt. Her Brian? Brian sounded like a good name for her head-place. It was certainly a better name that Bobbie. Bobbie was a lame name.

She arrived at her new domain. This was perfect! This would be her throne room! She opened the janitor closet and kicked all the cleaning supplies to either side of the small room. She sat down on an overturned bucket-no, not just a bucket. Her orange House Depot throne of absolute rule! Yes! No one would dare to ever challenge her for the throne! Only those deemed worthy by God would be able to sit upon the throne, and bask in its might! Coco twisted the end off a plunger and stuck a urinal cake where the rubber part had sat. Her mighty lemony-fresh scepter! Thus, now she had true legitimacy to the Principality of Coco! She was chosen by the Gods themselves to lead!

Yes, yes, it was all coming together for her now! Nobody could possibly stand in her way!

MEANWHILE...

Velvet gingerly stepped out of the shower and onto the plush bathroom carpet. With a small, contented sigh, she grabbed her favorite fluffy towel and began to dry herself off. One of the simplest pleasures in life was a nice, warm shower. In fact, Velvet felt pretty zen. Heck, this was an even better feeling than what those pills gave her. Of course, it wasn't a feeling that lasted as long, but it was better.

Once she was dry, she pulled her pajamas back on and walked into the dorm to get her clothes. That's when she noticed something. Her prescription bottle was on the wrong side of the dresser. She always put it on the side close to her bed. It was easier to reach it that way. Now it was on its side, as far as possible from the bed. She let out a cross between a wail and a squeak. That wasn't good. And where were her sheets? And where was-

Oh no. Did Coco…

"Before you ask," Yatsu said quietly from his bed, "Yes. Yes she did."

Velvet simply nodded, trembling with fearful anticipation.

Coco took my pills? Why? Was it something I did- oh… Oh no… OH FUCK!

Velvet dressed in a flash right there, because at this point, fuck decency around her teammates. She needed to find Coco before she did something drastic. She sprinted out the door as fast as her strong legs could carry her, pulling on her second-favorite brown jacket. The other one had been incinerated in the bathroom explosion. She took a small moment to reflect on her variance in wardrobe. It was all brown and yellow. Maybe she should find a new color. Red? She could focus on that later. Right now, she needed to follow the trail of confused students coming out of their dorms to investigate the noise Coco had made earlier. As she ran, Velvet could hear some insane ramblings coming from the north wing of the dorm building. Someone was arguing with that person.

"NO!" Supreme Ruler of the Universe (And Its Subsidiaries) Coco-Marron Adel screamed through the door of her throne room to the exasperated janitor on the other side. She would never relinquish her grasp on her domain! She would fight to the end of her life to protect it!

"Miss, I really need the cleaning powder," the slightly scruffy janitor politely pleaded. Mr. Lemon scratched his head and sighed. He'd been a janitor at this school long enough to see some weird stuff. But, a girl claiming that his storage closet was her new kingdom was certainly new. Although, it wasn't the weirdest thing he'd seen, all things considered. Like that time he'd found used condoms skewered to the spires of Ozpin's tower. And even that was a drop in the bucket compared to the time a cafeteria worker accidentally put cleaning supplies in the school's food. There was more vomit that day than he thought was even possible that he had to clean up. So, if anything, this was almost a little low-key.

"That's my royal cleansing solution, you damned plebian fool!" Coco screamed. She would not let this invader get the better of her. She NEEEEEEEEDED that cleaning solution! She wasn't sure what for just yet, but she knew she needed it! Maybe she could use it to clean out her insides if she ever got a stomachache. That would probably work. She wasn't a scientardist, but she knew if it was for cleaning, it would help her become beautiful. Plus, it wasn't like it could hurt her. There were plenty of chemicals in there that her body probably also had, making it safe for consumption. Now that was obvious thinking. She'd make a great medicaltician if she wasn't a Sovereign of a country.

Mr. Lemon humphed and went to his other supply closet to get a sledgehammer to break the door down, just as Velvet sprinted up to the door and kicked it in. Mr. Lemon sighed and continued on his way, now aiming to get supplies to repair the now shattered door.

Velvet looked into the room to see Coco with Velvet's bedsheet tied up around her body like a toga, except half her chest was still exposed, showing off Coco's dark grey designer bra. She was seated daintily on an orange bucket with her legs crossed, almost as if she was a movie star. In her hand was...a plunger? And what looked to be a little blue biscuit of some sort? Whatever it was, it smelled bad.

Coco put on an air of superiority.

"Welcome, fair maiden Scarlatina! I see you have forced your way into my not-so-humble abode! Are you here to throw yourself all over your queen?"

At those words she threw her makeshift toga off, uncrossed her legs, and spread them until her knees were about two feet apart. Velvet couldn't help but blush and slightly turn away her gaze. Here she was, standing in a janitor's closet, and Coco was on some weird power-trip trying to... seduce her, she guessed. It was a bit hard to tell with the crazed look in Coco's eyes. She looked like a crackhead that suddenly got teleported to another planet. Never mind the fact that in between her time arriving there and now, she had taken a pair of scissors to her beloved beret, fashioning it into haphazardly made, floppy brown crown of sorts. Honestly… it looked like utter shit.

"C-coco?" Velvet asked, trying not to stare at Coco's barely covered crotch. Just a thin piece of fabric lay between Velvet and the sweet possibility of...wait, no, she had to concentrate on helping her teammate. "What is all…" she gestured around at the closet, "..this?"

"The foundation for my new domain, of course!" Coco exclaimed with a sultry grin. Damn, if it wasn't hard enough for Velvet to concentrate without Coco doing that! Blushing harder, Velvet could barely make a noise. She was getting so many mixed messages from her team leader. "Mmmmm," Coco purred. "Basking in awe of your queen?"

"Ye- No, no!" Velvet quickly corrected. Damn, Coco's feminine wiles were almost a match for her willpower! She didn't need to think about her smooth, flawless, pale skin. Or her nice, creamy thighs. And most certainly not about the precious flower that lay nestled underneath that cumbersome clothing...

Nope, Velvet was definitely not thinking about all that. Not at all…

"Coco...I…what? What happened to you?"

"I've been chosen by the gods, my sweet," Coco said without skipping a beat. "I've got divine provid-" she paused, listening around. "D'you hear that?"

Velvet cocked her head. "What?"

"A narrator… narrating us…" Coco paused, waiting for it to- "THERE IT IS!"

Waiting for her to stop being an idiot and get back to the story- "Shut up! You don't know me! I'm far beyond your comprehension, you foul demon! Begone!" Coco clasped her hands over her ears to block out our incredibly wonderful and fulfilling narration.

Velvet looked around, visibly confused. "Ehhh?"

Coco shook her head, trying to get Draigg's deep and totally manly voice out of her head. But he and Falc just laughed and continued on, her struggle in petty vain.

Velvet took a step back in fear. Coco was completely bonkers. She tried to yell over Coco's helpless and terrified screeches.

"Coco! Did you take my pills?"

Coco decided to try and block out the voices and focus on Velvet. It was really hard, but she did it because she knew queens are strong, and they could overcome any obstacle in their way. If she couldn't...she shuddered and regained her composure.

"Whatever makes you think I'd take such petty things as drugs?" she questioned, staring deep into Velvet's chocolatey eyes and batting her eyelashes.

"I-well…" Velvet tried not to get roped into Coco's insanity. She had to be rational right now. She shouldn't focus on Coco's breasts as they heaved up and down slowly with her breathing... She shook her head, sending her ears flopping around. "You did. I know you did. You're insane, Coco."

Coco visibly paled. Insane? Did this peon just call her insane? Her eye twitched violently.

"Y-you think I'm crazy?" Venom spilled out Coco's mouth as she stood up. Literally. She started foaming at the mouth, ready to unleash the divine fury on this little rabbit. Then she started giggling. "Hehehehe...you think I'm a maniac? A mad queen? WELL TASTE THE LEMONY FRESH VENGEANCE OF MY DIVINE RIGHT!"

Coco thrust her scepter forward, trying to stab Velvet. Fortunately for the bunny girl, Coco wasn't experienced in anything related to swordplay, and Velvet was easily able to jump backward. Coco attempted another thrust, but her foot caught on the discarded bedsheet, causing her to trip. As she fell, she let go of her mighty divine scepter of incalculable power. She crashed to the ground. The scepter tumbled through the air in a gentle arc. Coco barely pulled her head up and registered it as it thwacked into the ground. The urinal cake shattered on impact with the tile floor of the hallway outside.

"My…" Coco whispered. "My...power...My right to rule…" She let out a loud wail as she desperately attempted to scoop up the pieces of the cake. Her sobbing increase in volume. Her queenhood was gone. Long live the queen.

Velvet looked upon the sad wreck that had taken the shape of her leader. As Coco continued to sob and wail on the floor, Velvet did the best thing she could've done at the moment. Getting down on her knees, she wrapped Coco in a warm, comforting hug.

"I-I-I-I'm d-d-d-one..." Coco stuttered through her crying. Then, dropping the remains of her former royal scepter, the crying girl wrapped her arms around Velvet for comfort. "Q-q-q-queen... g-gone..." she wailed.

Velvet began to softly stroke Coco's brown hair through her now-destroyed beret/crown. "Sshh sshh... It's gonna be okay, Coco," Velvet whispered.

"Nobody l-loves an e-ex queen..." Coco continued to lament.

"Hey, don't say that," Velvet said quietly. "I still respect you. Besides, you already have a position of power. As the leader of Team CFVY. You don't need to prove anything to us."

Coco sniffled. "R-really?"

"Of course, Coco. Just please, don't try to take my pills again. There's a reason they're prescribed to me and not you. Okay?"

"I...right. Okay. T-thank you, Velvet."

Velvet gave a small hum in response and handed Coco the bedsheet. "You...might wanna wear this...you are practically naked after all…" Not that she really minded, personally. But, that was besides the point right now.

"I-I-I-I-I-I…" Coco stammered, blushing hard. Velvet threw the sheet over the thankful slightly older girl. The best she could do for her right now was to preserve at least some of her remaining dignity.

Velvet helped Coco back up to her feet, with the now slightly-saner former-"queen" holding the sheet against her almost bare frame. Now that she was standing back up, Coco felt a bit more... what was the word? Ehmbarhassed? Imbarbaboosed? Bambarzzled? Something like that. Not that that particular emotion was at the forefront. It was more of a small, scratching thing at the back of her head. Or that could've been a spider. Her former throne room wasn't exactly the cleanest of places, ironically.

What surprised Coco more than that weird feeling was the sudden slap across her cheek. Velvet tried to shake the pain of the slap out of her hand.

"Snap out of it, Coco. Please," the rabbit-girl softly pleaded. However, the recipient of her slap had something else on her mind.

"Ow! Who the hell just hits a person like that?! That's worse than hitting someone in the ear!" Coco fumed, clutching her sore red cheek.

"Oh thank god, you're back!" Velvet pulled her flabbergasted partner up into a large hug. Not thinking, Velvet accidentally jerked Coco a little roughly, her face colliding with the sore spot on Coco's face.

"For fuck's sake!" Coco swore through gritted teeth.

Velvet cringed. "Ooohhh, sorry, sorry, sorry!" she cried, trying her utmost to apologize.

She hoisted Coco up and carried her bridal-style back to their dorm. she kicked to door open and gently guided Coco's limp body through the frame, careful to not hit her head on anything. Velvet set her down gently on her own bed.

"Get some rest, Coco. It's a good idea to just sleep the drug out of your system."

Coco nodded sleepily. She was already drowsy. It was a side-effect of not having the pills with anything to eat or drink. Her eyes grew heavy and she drifted off. Velvet watched the sleeping form of her partner. Coco looked like shit, but she was still beautiful. It was really incredible how she could even pull off the "mental breakdown" look and still retain her stylish look. That must have been ingrained into her DNA somehow.

Suddenly, Velvet felt a something rough cover her head as the world went dark. Before she could do anything, her hands and feet were tied up. She felt herself get lifted up effortlessly by a strong figure. Panic set in. She was being kidnapped!

She struggled against her bonds as her unknown assailant carried her out of the dorm and into the unknown.

*Dramatic violin sting!*

Oh no! What could possibly happen now? Who is(are) the kidnapper(s)? What do they want with our heroine, Velvet? And will Yatsuhashi defeat Frieza in time before Namek is destroyed? Find out next time on Placebo Pill Z: Frieza Defeated!

Hehe, this is gonna be gooooooooooooooood! D'you think they're prepared for this?

I dunno. I mean, I'm ready. But yet again, I'm the one who's partially writing this stuff. So yes. Wait, no. Maybe? Possibly. I'm a victim of Schrodinger's Preparedness.

Paradox. It's paradox. We're in a state of both being ready and not at the same time. Nobody know what the result will be till we open the box.

Pandora's box!

No… Schrodinger's… never mind… Let's finish this up so the readers can get back to their much less eventful lives, okay?

Should we finish off in some fantastic way?

You bet! MON COEUR S'OUVRE A TA VOIX~ ...no?

Dude, I studied Spanish in high school. I have no clue what you're saying.

It's German for "Have a nice day!"

...It's clearly French.

I SAID, HAVE A NICE DAY!