The father of kidnapping survivor Elizabeth Smart has revealed how he prayed he was not gay and struggled to accept his sexuality amid the collapse of his 34-year marriage.

Ed Smart made the stunning announcement that he is gay and would be divorcing his wife Lois and leaving the Mormon Church in August.

Three months later, the 64-year-old shared intimate details about his internal battle to come to terms with his sexuality in an emotional interview with CBS This Morning's Gayle King aired Monday.

Ed described how he consulted with therapists and church leaders in hopes of concluding that he wasn't actually gay, because 'I didn't want to believe I was'.

'How do you cure being gay? There is no cure. And for all of those out there that are struggling in the same spot, there is no cure,' he told King.

'This is absolutely not a "choice". And I wish my wife knew that. I wish that more than anything.'

Scroll down for video

Ed Smart revealed how he prayed he was not gay and struggled to accept his sexuality amid the collapse of his 34-year marriage during an interview with CBS This Morning aired Monday

Ed, the father of kidnapping survivor Elizabeth Smart, made the stunning announcement in August that he is gay and would be divorcing his wife Lois and leaving the Mormon Church. The 64-year-old is pictured with Elizabeth and Lois in 2003

During Monday's interview, Ed revealed that he felt as though he'd 'stabbed Lois in the heart'

Ed grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was married for more than three decades to wife Lois, with whom he has six children.

The couple were thrust into the public eye when their then-14-year-old daughter Elizabeth was kidnapped in Salt Lake City in 2002 and held in captivity for nine months.

Seventeen years after Elizabeth's miraculous rescue, Ed made headlines again when he announced to friends and family that he is gay.

In his first network TV interview since coming out, Ed explained that the decision to come out was not one he made lightly.

He said that he's felt attracted to men throughout his life, but his faith staunchly condemned homosexuality.

'I was taught that that was not acceptable, that that was something that you were a deviant, you were a bad person if you thought those things,' he said Monday in the first half of a two-part interview.

'I never wanted to identify as being gay. I never wanted that to be part of me. Why would God give this to me? Why would I have to endure this in life?'

'I never wanted to identify as being gay. I never wanted that to be part of me. Why would God give this to me? Why would I have to endure this in life?' Ed told CBS host Gayle King

Elizabeth Smart's father says there's something he has to talk about – 17 years after his daughter's kidnapping and miraculous rescue.



Ed Smart exclusively reveals to @GayleKing how he struggled to come out as gay in his first network television interview about his sexuality. pic.twitter.com/LxIPAGztjB — CBS This Morning (@CBSThisMorning) December 9, 2019

When he finally began confronting the idea that he was gay, Ed sought many professional opinions to unravel what he was feeling.

'I went to therapists. I went to my church leaders. I mean, I literally called my bishop up one morning, and I said: "You know, I feel like I've stabbed Lois in the heart,"' Ed said.

'I went to my other church leader, and I said to him: "So am I gay? Am I gay?" And he said to me: "I don't think so." He said: "You know, there's this spectrum."'

Ed said he felt relief at the church leader's response because it gave him hope that he may not actually be gay.

However, he soon realized that there was no denying it.

In his August Facebook post, Ed wrote: 'The decision to be honest and truthful about my orientation comes with its own set of challenges, but at the same time it is a huge relief.

'Living with the pain and guilt I have for so many years, not willing to accept the truth about my orientation has at times brought me to the point where I questioned whether life was still worth living.'

Ed and Lois were thrust into the public eye after their then-14-year-old daughter Elizabeth was abducted from their home in Salt Lake City in 2002 and held for nine months in captivity. The parents are pictured with Elizabeth after her miraculous rescue in 2003

He explained that he hid his homosexuality for so many years because as a lifelong member of the Mormon Church, he felt that he could only stand by in silence as LGBTQ people were ridiculed, shunned, rejected and humiliated.

'I didn't want to face the feelings I fought so hard to suppress, and didn't want to reach out and tell those being ostracized that I too am numbered among them,' he wrote. 'But I cannot do that any longer.'

'My faith is strong, and unwavering, however, after considerable study, prayer and pondering I have come to a change in my beliefs. It is because of this change, that I can finally acknowledge and accept my orientation. Had I not had a change in my beliefs, I would have likely remained closeted the rest of my life,' he wrote.

'As an openly gay man, the church is not a place where I find solace any longer. It is not my responsibility to tell the church, its members or its leadership what to believe about the rightness or wrongness of being LGBTQ.

'Acceptance and love is what makes the world a better place. The crucible of guilt and shame that too many secretly endure is something I wouldn't wish on anyone,' he wrote.

The father-of-six went on to express his enduring love for his family.

'Lois has been a loyal wife, and extraordinary mother, who has had to endure an impossible part of this journey. I deeply regret the excruciating pain this has caused her. Hurting her was never my intent. While our marriage will end, my love for Lois and everyone in my family is eternal,' he wrote.

Elizabeth released a statement after her father came out as gay, in which she said her parents told her they would love her unconditionally no matter what happened

Elizabeth also released a statement, in which she said her parents told her they would love her unconditionally no matter what happened.

'While I am deeply saddened by their separation, nothing could change my love and admiration for them both. Their decisions are very personal. As such, I will not pass judgment and rather am focusing on loving and supporting them and the other members of my family,' she said.

In his Facebook post, which was later removed, Ed told how some people thought he has wasted years of his life by not coming out sooner, while others suggested he was giving up 'so much for so little'.

'Both are inaccurate and fail to do justice to the deep conflict involved in not being honest with myself and others for so long. Acknowledging I am a gay man is freeing but it also hurts many of those whom I love very much,' he wrote.

'In the end, people are free to say what they will, and believe what they want, but there is one voice more important than any other, that of my Savior, who wants each of us to love one another, to be honest and joyful and find a meaningful life.'

'While there are wounds right now, I also know our Savior can help heal the damage which this revelation has brought,' he said. 'Through Christ love will outlast the grief.'