I might be a busy lady, but I never take shortcuts when it comes to my dental hygiene. That’s because flossing regularly means strong teeth, and we know what that means: wonderfully frightening blowjobs.

No matter how hectic my day is, I make sure I spend a few minutes before bed brushing, rinsing, and flossing. Weaving that thread between each tooth ensures that I can confidently offer a slightly more threatening blowjob. My plaque-free smile tells potential partners that I can maintain my health and also render them sterile if I want to. Men love a multitasker!

You see, hookup culture puts a lot of pressure on women to engage in activities before they’re completely comfortable or ready. That’s why when I’m sucking off a stranger, I want a man to know that I’m a capable, confident woman who could easily bite the cap off his pen-15. My sturdy, fluoride-enhanced enamel lets me set my own worries aside and embrace a truly powerless sperm cannon with ease.

I think it’s sexy when a man looks overwhelmed by pleasure. But thanks to my Waterpik, as well as regular checkups at my dentist’s office, I can guarantee that he’ll look pale and shaky the entire time, and that’s what makes me really hot.

Try it out!! Men love role-play and dirty talk. The next time you’re pumping privates with your manfriend, get down on your knees, make direct eye contact, and whisper that you’re fully capable of leaving vampire-style puncture wounds in his shaft. He’ll get an amazing adrenaline rush, and you’ll hear his heart rate increase even though you’re nowhere near his chest! Magical!

Even on my busiest days, I make sure to set aside a few minutes to say goodbye to gum disease and hello to high-stakes oral. The human mouth has evolved over time, with canines for gripping, molars for grinding, and incisors for theoretically tearing dicks into shreds. While I don’t encourage anyone to actually rip open a rod, just having the knowledge that you could if you wanted to makes sex so much better for everyone involved.