You know those movies in which the Villain is about to win? His plan has worked, the Hero’s incapacitated, and everything is going perfectly, but before he finishes off the Hero for good, he starts talking about his own brilliance? He goes on and on and on about why he did it, he wants you to understand his motives… and you’re sitting there thinking, “JUST SHUT UP, KILL THE HERO, AND YOU’LL WIN!”… but of course that never happens.

They’re too proud of what they did. They want you to know it. And they destroy themselves in the process.

That’s what came to mind when I saw that the Bend, Oregon church vandals were not only caught, they were speaking to the press about their motives.

It makes about as much sense as cheating on a test, getting away with it, then posting a public message on your Facebook wall explaining how you did it.

They come off sounding childish and just plain stupid.

Officers arrested Tyler Rios, Damien Pooschke and [removed by Hemant] for criminal mischief. They were booked into jail and released a short time later. … “I mean, even the police officers said that like, our graffiti was their favorite. And, you know, I think honestly, they wanted to arrest us, but a few them had differing opinions.” Those words from Tyler Rios, one of the three Bend 18-year-olds arrested this weekend, accused of being behind a graffiti spree across Bend over the past three weeks. … They also said they used washable poster paint at two Bend churches, writing Bible verses alongside messages like “Praise the Flying Spaghetti Monster” (and pink writings on the glass doors such as “Was Jesus Ignorant Too?”). The 18-year-olds said for them, it’s more than just “kids being kids.” “We wouldn’t just vandalize to vandalize, and we understand the legality of the situation,” said [removed by Hemant]. “We understood while we were doing it, what we’re doing is illegal, and we’re not doing it to be teenagers. We’re doing it to either make a point, or bring some joy and fun to Bend.”

Just. Shut. Up.

No one thinks you’re cool, and whatever point you wanted to make was lost in the midst of your jackassery.

Part of me wants to slap these kids and say, “Don’t you realize someone’s going to Google your names when you’re applying for a job one day?“… but part of me also wants to sit back and watch them not get that job.

And because you’re not mad enough already, it’s worth noting the children are just bragging about what they did on Facebook.

Pooschke is only upset with the mugshot because he’s not smiling in it:

And Rios thinks he’s the second coming of Sirius Black:

On a side note, I was upset that KTVZ was giving the vandals this much airtime, because they shouldn’t be getting publicity for their stunt… But after thinking about it, I’m glad they did it. They’re letting the kids dig their own grave. And each time they open their mouths, they come off looking worse…

(Thanks to Jeff for the link)

***Update***: Due to a personal request, I’ve removed the name of one of the people involved in this story.



