You want the smartest life advice in the world? Don't ask A.J. Jacobs. Ask A.J. and his 119,300 Facebook friends. Esquire's editor at large sifts through the wisdom of the crowd to solve all your toughest questions about sex, manners, food and thick, lustrous arm hair. Send questions to @ajjacobs, or ask A.J. via his Facebook page.

This Week's Question

"When my wife goes to the bathroom (peeing), she leaves the door open. I keep telling her that our 4-year-old son can see her and to please close the door. She says I'm being ridiculous—he's only four and there are no private parts visible. Is she right? Am I being ridiculous?" --Daniel, Michigan

We are a nation divided, my friends. We are divided on gun rights, the tax code, and, perhaps most profoundly, bathroom door etiquette.

My huddled masses split almost precisely down the middle on Daniel's question. Fifty-one percent sided with his wife's open-door policy. The remaining 49 percent said she should shut the door (or, to quote Nancy Bilyeau, "SHUT THE DOOR!").

Both the sides argued with passion, exclamation points, capital letters, the occasional ad hominem attack and plenty of euphemisms for vagina (e.g. hoo-ha).

The Wisdom of the Fifty-One Percent

Daniel, your wife is right: you're being ridiculous.

As Steve Aitkins says, "Dude, don't be a prude." An open door won't cause any lasting psychological damage; four-year-olds barely have the ability to form memories.

In fact, writes Jen Prall Wood, your warped puritanical neuroses are the real threat to your son's emotional well-being: "Peeing is a natural bodily function. Way to begin the body-shaming early, Daniel."

Norwegian reader Oyvind Solstad can't even wrap his mind around America's neo-Victorian neuroses: "Maybe it's because I'm European but I don't even understand the question."

Then there's the safety issue, contends Tanya Felshman Rapp: "Any mom of a four-year-old knows that ninety-nine percent of injuries and/or the coloring of walls using a Sharpie takes place while Mom is behind closed doors."

There was some debate over the proper cut-off age—perhaps when the kid starts asking questions; maybe eight, maybe eleven, somewhere tweenish—but for now, say the open-urination contingent, don't get in between the kid and his mom's bladder.

The Wisdom of the Forty-Nine Percent

You are right, Daniel. An open door is bad on many levels.

Level 1: It's bad for the kid's manners. "Ask the wife how she'll feel when son is 14 and leaving the door open for all to see," writes Drew Spicer. "If she's cool with that, go on and remove the hinges." Jenna Austin, channeling the lavatorial wisdom of Rabbi Hillel, agrees: "If not now, when will we close the door?"

Level 2: It's bad for the kid's emotional health: "I am a urologist so watching people void isn't a problem for me," writes Aaron Grotas. "However it may mess your kid up in the long run."

Level 3: It's bad for your marriage. Many speculated it's you, Daniel, who are the true urine-phobe—and for good reason. You need to keep some mystery in your romance, writes Mike Ball. "It's not sexy, it's gross."

Level 4: It's bad for the future of civilization: As Rina Hennes says, "our society has no boundaries anymore." A closed door sends the message "that my body is private and not on display for people to look at whenever, wherever."

Level 5: It's bad for hygiene. "When you flush the toilet," says Steph Spissu, "those germy water droplets spread far and wide (keep those toothbrushes covered). If the door is open, they have the potential to spread beyond the bathroom."

Level 6: It's bad for the wife's sanity. "As a mom, I would love the opportunity to have privacy in the bathroom!" says Denise Fox Golonka.

In short, it's bad.

The Verdict

I don't see this as a morality issue. It's more a matter of taste, along the lines of whether you like cilantro in your guacamole, or whether you like Looney Tunes or Disney (though in that case, Looney Tunes is the correct answer).

Family standards differ—as do cultures. The bathroom hasn't always been a zone of privacy. As Bill Bryson writes in At Home, the Roman latrine had "twenty seats or more in intimate proximity and people used them as unselfconsciously as modern people ride a bus." Our own president LBJ loved to hammer out policy on the john.

Will your choice have long-term psychological repercussions for the kid? Will an open door lead to him one day standing on his desk and pissing into his co-worker's cubicle? Will a closed door cause him to go all Norman Bates or become a scat porn collector? Impossible to say, but I doubt it. There's no research to indicate damage either way.

What we do know is: You are in a mixed marriage, Daniel.

And here's my rule in a mixed marriage: All other factors being equal, if Topic X is highly important to Party A, and only mildly important to Party B, then Party B should concede.

It's why I don't ask for olives when we order in pizza. I like olives a little, my wife hates olives a lot.

I get the sense—and I could be wrong—that your revulsion is more strongly felt than her laissez faire attitude. Tell her that—kindly, of course. Then, as Laura Wigod says, "She'll receive a Compromise Credit she can use in the future for something more important to her."

Like making sure you shut the door when watching "Swamp People."

LAST WEEK'S ASSIGNMENT!

Write a plotline for a Game of Thrones sitcom in 140 characters or less. Winner: "The Hound convinces Arya to compete in the annual "Ms. Riverrun contest. Things get nutty when she stabs a judge." From Evan Krumholz (@krumlifedotcom).

THIS WEEK'S ASSIGNMENT

Write an advertising slogan for God in 140 characters or less. Tweet your responses to @AJJacobs with the hashtag # MYHUDDLEDMASSES.

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