"A ha ha! I shall murder you, Purple Heart!" Noire monologued in her CPU form, the two locked in an epic duel in a volcano about to erupt.

"No, it is you who shall… Shall…" Purple Heart trailed off, seeming to look away from her bitter rival. "Son of a Nep, LINE!"

"IT IS YOU WHO SHALL PERISH." The director yelled at her. "Come on Neptune, did you even rehearse your lines?!"

Neptune reverted to her human form, pulling a script out of her jersey dress. "Oh come on, you expect me to read this shit? It's full of cliches and reads like a bad fanfiction!"

"Someone call?" An early-20s male popped his head on set.

"Fuck off Koei."

"Aight." He disappeared as fast as he appeared as Neptune sighed.

"Anyway, why did we even agree to this drivel?" She slapped her script, actually looking it for once. "A romantic subplot between Vert and Blanc, some duel between Uzume and Rei Ryghts… Wait, I get killed off? The hell is this shit?" She threw the script into the "lava", soaking the pages with tomato soup. "I want to speak with the writer!" She stormed off set as Noire sighed and reverted to her own human form.

"This will take a while. I'll be in my trailer." She walked off-set as Nepgear wandered into frame.

"Uh… When are we scheduled to do the romance scene between me and Uni? We've been… Practicing in her trailer and I think we went a little far." She blushed while twiddling her fingers. "Girls can't get pregnant from kissing, right?"

The director sighed. "Cut! We'll get back to this in ten!" He got up out of his chair and headed to his office as Neptune ranted to the head writer.

"And another thing! What the hell is that climax? I die?"

"W-well, you see we need a sacrifice to spur on the CPUs…"

"I'M THE MAIN FUCKING CHARACTER AND YOU'RE KILLING ME OFF?" She screamed at the intern who served as the writer for the movie. "I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT FOR DEFAMATION, YOU TALENTLESS HACK! YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A WRITER! IF THERE WEREN'T WITNESSES HERE I'D RUN YOU THROUGH WITH MY FUCKING KATANA." She stormed off to her own trailer, slamming the door behind her in rage.

The person she was just ranting and raving at simply blinked. "It's my first day on the job…"

"I wouldn't worry about it." Blanc sighed, sitting in a cast chair as she waited for her own scene. "She's stressed out from all the pressure put on her. If the movie goes wrong, she gets the blame. Her dumbass idea to do this for shares."

"Well, we did agree to be the stars instead of actors like Phonny Hepp and Chrom Tuise…" Vert sipped her tea, prop spear still through her torso from her "death" scene. "Only because Neptune wouldn't stop bothering us about it, mind."

"Those are men."

"Regardless…" Vert finished off her tea. "This tea is awful. Whoever made it should be executed." She threw the cup behind her in disgust.

"That's your main problem?" Blanc massaged her temples. "This movie's cost 50 million credits and will more than likely bomb at the box office, and your main problem is the tea?" She took a drink of her own tea, before spitting it out in disgust. "Christ… You have a point."

"Idiot probably put the milk in first. Fucking interns." Vert up before heading to the prop department. "Someone help me remove this spear from my torso?"

"On it Green Heart!" A horny intern relished the chance to be near her favourite goddess as she followed him to the dressing room.

With the set deserted aside from Blanc, she took the chance to pull out the script. "Should have written it so I killed off Neptune." She admitted, being the lead writer of the film under an alias to protect her anominimity.

"Really should have." Koei wandered back into frame, finding out Blanc's dark secret completely by accident. "While you were at it…" He leaned over the chair where Vert sat. "Should have written a sub-plot between Iffy and I."

"No." She stated simply. "This is a movie, not a documentary. If you want a dramatised version of events, write your own story."

"Fine. Enjoy your train wreck. I'll be in mine." He promptly fucked off to a much worse story.

She sighed, looking at her script. Where did it all go wrong?

"Oh. Yeah that'll explain it." She scanned over the part Neptune had rewritten in crayon, the scene they were just recording where Neptune ascends to NEXT Form and slays Black Heart in an epic duel to the death.

"Goddamn actresses." She muttered, tearing a page out of the script in a rage. "Thinking they can run the show. It's the writers who truly matter, you melodramatic hacks!"

"I'm stood right here." Neptune said, having returned to the set in a huff.

"Yeah, I heard your boots clomping from here. Glad you heard it, you need to hear it." She held out her cup, still looking over her script. "Now get me a refill. Try not to put the milk in first."

"Bruh…" She grabbed the cup anyway. Pulling a flask out of her pocket to into other hand, Neptune poured some brown liquid to fill the cup as she drank at it. "Goddesses, this is disgusting."

"You're meant to irish up coffee, first of all." Blanc pointed out, still reading over and correcting her script. "Second of all, I know it's disgusting. The tea itself is shit. Now chop chop, you're on in five."

Rolling her eyes, Neptune drank straight from the flask as she took the Irish tea with her to the canteen.

"It is I who shall slay you!" Purple Heart pointed her katana at Black Heart, accidentally poking her in the eye.

"Fuck, my eye!" Black Heart responded appropriately to being stabbed in a sensitive organ as the director sighed.

"CUT! For fucks sake Neptune, I said you take two steps towards Noire, not three and this is why!"

Purple Heart rolled her eyes. "Well, I wanted to be close for the epic trailer shot."

"At this rate, the trailer will be out after the fucking movie!" The director rubbed his temples in frustration. "I swear of all the actors I've worked with… You're one of them."

"Was that meant to be funny? Because it wasn't." Neptune snapped back as Noire returned to her human form before being tended to by on-site medical staff.

"Neither were the jokes you wrote into the script in crayon." Blanc yelled from the casts chairs. "Why didn't you run it by m- the head writer?"

"Because the head writer mysteriously disappeared when you came on set, A.K. Yearling." Neptune narrowed her eyes at the author.

"Really? A My Little Pony reference?" Blanc put her head in her hands. "That show ended! Nobody's going to get that reference!"

"Oh so now we're getting meta?" Neptune approached the other hack of an author on set, as Blanc stood face to face with her. "You didn't approve of the Deadpool-esque scene where I establish the world, but you want to argue semantics now that we're on set?"

"YES! Because you ousted me as the head fucking writer!"

"Actually… You put your real name on the script." Vert helpfully pointed. We didn't say anything to be polite."

"NOT THE TIME VERT. I need to prove a point. You. Me. That stage. Now. ROLL CAMERA."

"Wha-" The director tried to cut in.

"DO IT NOW OR I WALK." Blanc threatened, forcing the director to improvise.

"You heard the angry loli. Roll cameras for… Neptune Vs. Blanc. Action!"

"The sudden fight scene between Neptune and Blanc was unexpected, but a great twist in an otherwise predictable movie." Blanc read the review of "Console Wars Episode I: The Fans Are a Menace."

"Those scars lasted for weeks." Neptune sighed as she read her own paper. "Neptune's death scene was melodramatic and unnecessary, but built up the final act perfectly. Son of a bitch!"

"Told you." Blanc smugly said, continuing to read the review. "So, how are we going to make up the loss?"

"Car wash?" Neptune suggested innocently. "I can get Nepgear in a swimsuit for tomorrow. The horny fans will be all over her."

"Got it." Blanc snapped her fingers. "We work as strippers."

Vert's run as "Leanbox's Lust" lasted 6 weeks. She made over 2 million Credits in tips.

"The Console Wars" bombed, ending at a 20 million credit loss. Critics lambasted it and it was voted "Worst Film of The Year" at the Neppies.

Neptune still has her award, hung up in the lobby of Planeptune's Basilicom.

They never did the car wash.