tbh you guys need to talk it out. You can’t make a decision like that w/o the okay of everyone in the system, it’s just going to make stuff tense between you two and that’s not going to be pleasant to deal with.

I’d recommend at least discussing these aspects, among others:

how often does he front vs. you/others? what are the system dynamics (ie, who is most often the one who does the official things like filing paperwork, school/work, relationship-handling, etc. since they will likely front the most in the future)?



would it be bearable for him if he could use a packer?

GRS is hard to get and expensive–is it worth it when it’s not reversible for when you/others front?

is it possible for you to tuck post-op? (this is probably going to have to be a conversation you guys to have with a doctor but that in itself poses a problem because they might think you’re backing out/unsure and not want to do it)

if you’re able to tuck, are you all okay with the fact that tucking has never been studied so the side-effects (esp long-term), if any, are pretty unknown?

would it be bearable for you if you were able to tuck?

you can always get GRS later, but you can’t reverse it.

-Rose