So you’ve both swiped right, exchanged pleasantries and now it’s time to ask her out. Post-work happy hour drinks? You're better than that. But, how will you prove it with a knock-her-socks-off (and maybe more than socks) first date?

Because, let's face it: interpreting online dating profiles can be like translating hieroglyphs—what does sapiosexual even mean? And sure, you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover (AKA beach selfie photos), but when online dating, what else can you do? So read on, gentlefolk of the digital world, for fun, thoughtful, non-rape-y first date ideas that will leave her wanting more.

Here's your secret decoder to planning a first date that will demand a second:

If she says …

I'm a sweet southern girl living the dream in LA!

Go line dancing on Friday night at Oil Can Harry's . She may have been country dancing a bunch back in Tennessee, but this is LA, so every other guy on the dance floor (except you … maybe) is likely a big gay cowboy. Giddy up!

If she says ...

The adorable girls in that photo are my nieces.

If you want this chick to potentially have your babies right then and there, she’ll have to see you make a little kid smile. So, spend the morning with disabled children. On the first and third Saturdays of the month, you can volunteer together at KEEN (Kids Enjoy Exercise Now) near DTLA. You'll get matched one-to-one with a special needs child, and play sports or do arts and crafts together for a couple of hours. You'll probably get so drawn into making this kid's day, you'll forget you’re doing it to impress the girl. Sign up at (Kids Enjoy Exercise Now) near DTLA. You'll get matched one-to-one with a special needs child, and play sports or do arts and crafts together for a couple of hours. You'll probably get so drawn into making this kid's day, you'll forget you’re doing it to impress the girl. Sign up at laworks.com

If she says …

I'm more spiritual than religious.

Take her on a full moon hike. Spiritual and mystical folks go ape shit over the full moon. It's bright enough to go on a night hike without a flashlight, and it's also damn romantic. If the prospect of a night hike with you sounds a bit too creepy, serial killer-esque for her, suggest a guided, group tour at Franklin Canyon . The guided hikes are offered every month.

If she says …

I'm a dancing machine!

There's nothing sexier to her than being led and twirled around a dance floor by a hot, Latin stud with killer dance moves. Unfortunately, you might be neither of those things. Regardless, 3rd Street Dance offers salsa lessons for beginners every Saturday afternoon. It's a chance to get appropriately handsy and intimate, and as long as you're not stomping on her feet too much, she'll love it.

If she says …

I like my whiskey neat and my lovers old-fashioned.

Every other jabroni she’s been on a first date with has Googled ‘whiskey bars Los Angeles’ and then taken her to the Thirsty Crow or Seven Grand . Want to know where no one has taken her? FoxFire Room , Chimneysweep Lounge , or The Tattle Tale Room . These are real dives, with real faux leather seats and real alcoholics on the bar stools.

Even though the Thirsty Crow might be overdone, it's still got a laid-back vibe with insane whiskey offerings. Image courtesy of Thirsty Crow If she says …

Let's be honest, I'm gonna like you for your dog. #realtalk

But wait, you don't have a dog. Suggest volunteering to walk at-risk dogs together. It's fucking adorable and will be the sweetest date she’s ever been on. Oh, and it turns out that walking and talking is a great way to get to know someone. There are tons of shelters all over the city, but a couple go-tos are Paws LA and Dogs Without Borders .

If she says …

You can find me at the beach or in pilates class.

Cue your best, “Water is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty,” Zoolander impression and take a mermaid/merman class together at LA Mermaid School . Seriously, this exists. And it’s also an impressive core workout. Adult classes are offered the last Sunday of the month. Pro tip: You need to register in advance and know how to swim.

But actually, this could be you. Image courtesy of Brenda Stumpf with Sheroes Entertainment Get Citizine Updates Here If she says …

I’m happy staying in, but also love going on adventures, and am always up for a challenge.

Why not combine all three? I’m pretty sure she’s asking to be locked in a room with a series of clues to solve as her only means of escape. Buy tickets to The Escape Room LA , and get locked in a room with your date and ten other strangers and figure out how to get the hell out of there.

If she says …

I’m an old soul, but I like to discover new things.

How about heading to a sing-along theater straight out of the 1920s where your leader is an 80-year-old man in a wheelchair, dressed in suspenders who plays the organ? The Old Town Music Hall is as charming and kitschy as it gets.

His and hers Image courtesy of The Old Town Music Hall If she says …

I find beauty in nature and never met a flower I didn’t like.

There’s a genuine pre-WWII Japanese Garden tucked away in Pasadena complete with waterfalls, sculptures, and even a tea house that will convince her that you’re zen but also a ninja. The Storrier Stearns Japanese Garden is just like the gardens in The Last Samurai and Kill Bill, but with a little less bloodshed. Plan ahead, since it’s only open to the public on Thursdays and one Sunday per month.

If she says …

A corn dog is my spirit animal.

She’s funny! Thank Christ. And she’ll probably be most impressed with you just being yourself. So go ahead and fill a couple of water bottles with cheap red wine, pick her up and head to the nearest Olive Garden . Or take her to Dave & Buster’s and watch her kick your ass at skeeball and air hockey. Either way, she’s a keeper.