My Secret Santa must watch a lot of the History Channel like I do. Only then would he know what I know. The second the clock strikes midnight January 1st 2012 we are going to be invaded by the Mayans and they are going to take out all of our power and infrastructures. I have been building a kit to ensure my survival.

As we all know the Mayans will not be using our money, they use unpopped corn kernels. My SS knew this and set me up with bacon flavored popcorn that will be worth like over $600,000 in 2012 currency. The Mayans also prize pork and we all know bacon to be the sweetest pork product. Bacon will go for about $5,200 a gram. My SS supplied me with a 9 [NINE] OUNCE can of tactical bacon. This will ensure I will be one of the protected.

Lastly the cocoa bean, prized for it's flavor will also be a scarce commodity since it will be extinct, but I have been outfitted with caffeinated hot cocoa which I will use to sleep with both eyes open. Thank you Santa, thank you for foreseeing the future and the protection you have given me. Neg1 out.