Ryan Chamberlain, a public-relations executive and former Gavin Newsom associate whose apartment was raided by the FBI on Saturday on suspicion of possessing explosives, seems to have posted a suicide note on a time delay, which caused it to be published today. In the note, he talks about the loss of his job, intractable depression, loneliness, and "morbid fantasies" which, he implies, led to his catching the attention of the FBI.

He doesn't go into any detail about the explosives he's been said to possess, or about his intentions for them. He says that if this note publishes, it means "I wasn't around to stop it from posting."

It appears that Chamberlain was either aware that the FBI would be paying him a visit on Saturday morning, or soon became aware of their arrival and eluded capture. The note seems to have been written on Saturday and published later to iCloud. Former investigator for the SF City Attorney's office Adriel Hampton posted screenshots of the note to Twitter.

I got dark. I got real dark. I explored myriad ways I could put an end to what I was going through. I binge-watched dark TV, sometimes didn't get off the couch for days, and scoured the internet absorbing fuel for morbid fantasies. Some of that activity seemed to attract the attention of some visitors today...who have made it rather evident that this is the end of the line for me.

He also alludes to being almost broke, to having repeated professional and personal disappointments, and to losing touch with his mother.

In the note, Chamberlain apologizes to friends and colleagues who he says will be "completely blindside[d]" by this news. "Whenever you saw me I was on top of the world, because you pulled me up there. You never knew what hit me the minute I left to go home alone."

You can read it below, though the public nature of this feels very bizarre.

Very sad.

Update, 10:35 a.m.: A tweet posted to his account around 10:15 a.m. Monday morning, shows Chamberlain is apparently alive, tweeting and disputing the reports coming through the media:

A panicked update to my letter that should have posted by now. Nothing they're reporting is true. No "stashes." Not "armed and... — Ryan Chamberlain (@poliholic) June 2, 2014

The media, meanwhile, was quick to respond to Chamberlain's tweet with reporters from ABC7 and KTVU both quickly tweeting requests for an interview.





[Twitter/AdrielHampton]