Daily Headlines I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S POT BUTTER! by Marta Spupor'd, (Source:Vue Weekly)

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Alberta

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When I was in the clink, I had to trade favours. It doesn't matter now what I wanted-but let me tell you, minimum security is still prison. Some of those embezzlement bitches formed tough cliques around the gazebo in the exercise yard.



Since people knew who I was, they came to me with questions. I could usually refer them to the issue of my award-winning magazine in which they could find the techniques I taught. In return, I learned about certain ingredients I didn't employ when I started my catering company in Connecticut. And let me tell you, these additions are a damn good thing.



A suburban housewife hooked me up with some shake so I could make some of my infamous pot butter. The best thing about pot butter is that you can use up all the stems and leaves that you never felt like rolling up. If you have a good relationship with your dealer, you might be able to get the inferior ditch weed at a significant discount.



Now, I'm a smoker who enjoys the head trip. I love getting new ideas for my empire. However, sometimes I want a different trip. Anyone can make tea in a French press or sprinkle hash in a pan of brownies, but properly prepared pot butter will make you curl up on your custom Italian divan and watch that darling Ms Winfrey or The View on TiVo for hours. Alternatively, a body stone delivers hours of fluid dancing if you stay out of the chill out room. Remember to stay hydrated. The first step to pot butter is to dry the weed, either by spreading it out on a cookie sheet over paper towel for 24 hours or popping it in the oven to warm for a half hour. You're looking to produce dry powder in the eight dollar coffee grinder-or "bud buster"-that you have co-opted for the purpose.



Portioning is a matter of intent. If you're going to snack on a few cookies and watch TV, you'll make a pound of butter with an eighth of good stuff. However, if you're going to feed the girls for a charity ball planning session, a couple of pounds of butter with half an ounce of stems and leaves will do the trick. Plus, the end result freezes well.



In a large, covered, stainless steel pot, boil the product plus an extra two inches of water for an hour. Strain out the weed from the water and its load of soluble waxes, tar and chlorophyll which burn you out. The psychoactive THC doesn't come out in the water. This stage isn't as necessary with quality bud.



Add the same volume of water and bring to a boil, followed by one or two pounds of unsalted, fresh creamery butter. Margarine is a no-no, even that omega-3 atrocity, as the CLA-enhanced fats in butter absorb the THC.



Leave the lid off for the first half hour but partially cover it afterwards so you don't have to continually add water. Keep it under a boil for anywhere from two to eight hours. The longer you boil shake, the better. Keep the hood fan on during this step, burn some jasmine incense and try to ignore the stench. I usually spark a doob and play Call of Duty 2, catch up on SomethingAwful's Photoshop contests or re-upholster the cushions on my Adirondack chairs.



By the time you're down, you'll be ready to lay a sheet of cheesecloth in a fine mesh strainer. Carefully pour the flow through the strainer and into a large glass mixing bowl, placing the bowl on a flat surface in the refrigerator. We'll come back to this.



Half as much hot water in the pot boils, with the cheesecloth, for an hour. Strain again into another mixing bowl, wrapping all the weed into the cheesecloth and using a press or citrus juicer to extract the most butter. A bit of clean boiling water will allow one more squeeze.



Throw the steaming mess into the compost or a freezer bag and into the bin. Put the mixing bowl in the refrigerator with its sister and wait for about an episode of Lost. Carefully peel off the greenish yellow layer and place it in a shallow glass pan. Typically, the yield is about three quarters of the original amount of butter, and you can freeze amounts as small as half-cups. The next stage is up to you!



A movie night goes very well with a half cup of melted butter on an enormous bowl of popcorn. Use a combination of Bell's Seasoning and sea salt to help the flavour, and keep a huge mug of chai green tea at hand. Pot cookies are popular, but I warn you that chocolate chips go manky in storage. If you're eating them right away, go ahead or go oatmeal raisin. Some dried mango will do wonders.



This evening, I made cinnamon rolls. The dough didn't need butter, but make sure to mop up all the melted brown sugar filling on the plate. Then, be prepared to be knocked on your ass.



Remember that a body stone is much different than a head stone. You'll have a solid six hours on the divan before you straighten out enough to go to bed. Smoke up and go to sleep, or call a cab: you're not OK to drive. You have another couple of groggy hours ahead of you that coffee and night air will not help.



There you have it-Marta Stupor'd's Magic Butter. If you have better bud and don't have 10 hours, try the quick version of the recipe and enjoy. Pot butter-it's a good thing.



Easy Pot Butter



Break up your dried pot as though planning to roll with it. Melt your butter on low heat ( or in a double boiler ) and add the bud. Simmer the combination on medium heat until the greenish hues of the pot have all turned brown-perhaps 20 minutes for small batches of an eighth of weed with a pound of butter.



Strain out the herb with cheesecloth, squeezing as much butter as possible from its clutches. The resulting greenish-brown butter comes pre-melted and perfect for use in both baking and getting baked!



Magic Peanut Butter Squares



Like pot tea or hash brownies, anyone can chow down on 'shrooms or throw them into boiling water. Why not avoid the entire, horribly-flavoured mess and try some delectable Magic Peanut Butter Squares?



1/8 oz ( 3.5 g ) psilocybin 12 oz ( 340 g ) butterscotch chips 1 cup smooth peanut butter 1/2 cup butter ( not Magic Butter ) 1 small bag of multicoloured marshmallows



Grind dried magic mushrooms into dust.



Place butterscotch chips into a heavy-bottomed saucepan and cook over low heat until melted. Stir in the powdered bliss, then add peanut butter and butter. After they have been well stirred, allow the mixture to cool.



Add marshmallows and put into a buttered eight-inch square pan. Store in the refrigerator until you just need to try one, and have three. Put the rest away or feed them to two friends and prepare for six hours of intense visuals.





MAP posted-by: Derek





Share This Article Pubdate: Thu, 05 Apr 2007

Source: Vue Weekly (CN AB)

Copyright: 2007, Vue Weekly.

Contact: letters@vue.ab.ca

Website: http://www.vueweekly.com/

Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/2918

Author: Marta Spupor'd



