After a sparkling performance in the Calder Cup Playoffs, Oliver Bjorkstrand is near guaranteed a spot on the Blue Jackets starting roster for the 2016-17 season.

There has been some discussion around the internet as to his chances of competing for the NHL’s Calder Trophy, awarded to the rookie considered the most successful for that season. Last year it was awarded, somewhat controversially, to Artemi Panarin, who is an incredibly talented player and did in fact clear the age limit for the trophy (just about).

Bjorkstrand, at 21, will be something of an overager compared to his most likely direct rivals (Auston Matthews, Patrik Laine and Jesse Puljujarvi, assuming they all enter the NHL this season), but if there’s one thing we know about the Calder it’s that anybody can win it (even 7 year professional hockey players!). It’s a brave new world out there.

Here is the promised list of 5 completely serious and rational reasons why I believe he’ll win the Calder:

Motivation

As you may or may not be aware, this happened.

That is the Jack A. Butterfield Trophy, awarded to the MVP of the Calder Cup Playoffs. Bjorkstrand had 16 points in 17 games for the Monsters, tied with fellow prospect Lukas Sedlak, but edged it by setting an AHL record for most winning overtime goals in the playoffs.

He’s clutch, basically.

Now, you may wonder what this has to do with motivation. The answer is obvious: who doesn’t want a matching set of Calders? It’s practically his already, am I right.

2. A tale of two Borks

Rene Bourque – you remember him, right? – is gone. He’s no longer a Blue Jacket. Take a moment to savour those beautiful words, the most beautiful ones I’ve personally written in a long time.

Rene Bourque, during his tenure with this team, was a bad player. He was an anchor around the neck of everyone, to the point he even made Jared Boll worse – a feat that is genuinely difficult to achieve. And as we all know, there’s a connection between players with similar names on the same team. For example, William Karlsson and Gabriel Carlsson are both Swedish. Spooky.

And it gets even better! Now that Rene Bourque is no longer around to drag down the rest of the team like a somewhat attractive anchor, Bjorkstrand is free to become the Jackets’ leading scorer for 16-17. It’s fate.

These two things are absolutely connected. The prophecy was spoken long ago: When one Bork falls, another must rise.

3. Wennberg

Some of you may know of John Tortorella’s greatest project – his Magnum Opus to be. The Michelangelo’s David of his career.

Getting Alexander Wennberg to shoot the puck.

However, even if Wenny sticks to his weird shot phobia this season, he’ll have one advantage: a great player to pass to in Oliver Bjorkstrand, who likes to camp by the goal line when it’s to his advantage (see: his Calder Cup winning overtime goal) (TWO POINT NINE SECONDS LEFT.)

He’s an assist supplying machine (he led Team Sweden in assists, with 7, at this year’s IIHF Worlds) and Bjorkstrand is absolutely ready to clean up some rebounds. I have a lot of hope for this one.

Although one has to hope it won’t lead to even more announcers thinking Bjorkstrand is Swedish.

4. Handsomeness/60

I think we can all agree that Bjorkstrand is, objectively, very handsome. You may wonder what this has to do with his status as a Calder contender.

I’ll tell you. I suspect there’s a correlation between good looks and the Calder. Just look at this hastily researched list of the last few winners:

And of course you all know how dreamy Gabe Landeskog is.

(Nathan MacKinnon is an outlier. Sorry, kid. At least you get to hang out with Sidney Crosby?)

I think Oliver Bjorkstrand (especially in a tiara) can stand against any of these men in a face-to-face face contest. He has great bone structure, y’know?

5. The Power of Love

Team chemistry is an intangible and incredibly important part of ensuring team success. It’s clear that the Lake Erie Monsters that swept 3/4 of its playoff series this year had excellent team cohesion.

The 15-16 Blue Jackets, despite having the highest friendship/60 in the league (a stat that is 1. absolutely objectively measurable and 2. not something I just made up), were not excellently cohered.

The lack of victory hugs to refuel their heart powers left them exhausted, unhappy, and unable to enjoy anything until, near simultaneously, Bobrovsky returned from injury and Bjorkstrand scored his first 2 NHL goals in his second NHL game. The first game Bobrovsky had won since early December. Oh god. The horror. I still lie awake envisioning those hugs that never were, lost to the void like Stranger Things characters.

*coughs*

Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.

In conclusion, award Oliver Bjorkstrand the Calder right now. What could any other candidate possibly do to outweigh the completely valid arguments I have laid out in this article? Nothing, that’s what.

Just save yourselves the hassle of voting and the controversy and get it out the way, NHL. I’ll even watch your dumb awards show if you do.