Earlier this morning, as much twitter beef went down between Drake and Meek Mill, many news outlooks overlooked a major announcement from the bustling little town of Fairfax. Town mayor R. Scott Silverthorne announced before a packed courthouse that the 10pm Mass on Sunday will become the official food of Fairfax. It is believed that the city council pushed for this decision shortly after the news of Pilot House being closed on the Fairfax campus. The establishment will be turned into another shitty cafeteria hall where only freshman can eat at during freak hours on weekends.

“I can’t remember most of my time in Pilot House, and that is why we must never forget!” exclaimed Mayor Silverthorne as the crowd roared into a blossoming applause. “ 2 mighty Chicken tenders, 1 savory mozzarella moon, a hearty whole grain bun, and a glimmering ocean of Marinara sauce. These are the values we need to teach our children. Their cholesterol should be as high as their SAT scores! and I won’t rest until every Man, woman, and child in this town knows the glory of drunkenly demolishing the most luscious of late night delicacies.”

The sandwich was named by the Catholic Campus Ministry in an effort to try and increase turnout by the morbidly obese.

“We knew we could never save their waistlines but we still tried to save their eternal souls. They weren’t about to take wine at communion however, they prefered Baja Blast Mountain Dew…” said Father Peter.

George Mason University has been the landmark to put Fairfax, Virginia on the map in recent years. As the largest public university in the state, the council deemed it is only fair to repay to academic establishment for all the debauchery and traffic it has brought to this quiet upper middle class neighborhood.

“It wasn’t until Pilot House came into being during the fall 2010 semester that Mason’s late night party scene really took off,” explained Mason campus culture expert and 8th year senior Marcus Webb. ”I mean there was Ike’s and some kids thought that place was the tits, but that’s because they lived in the park and there was honestly no other option. When choosing between cardboard and starving I’ll take the cardboard 9 times out of 10 when I’m wasted.”

University President Angel Cabrera released this comment later this afternoon via YikYak:

“Philly has Cheese Steaks, California has In-N-Out. New York has Pizza, and West Virginia has antifreeze Margaritas. Now Fairfax has the 10pm Mass on Sunday. One small bite for man, one giant health risk for mankind!”