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A STARK new study that suggests the daily use of cannabis could lead to an increased likelihood of psychotic disorders has been found to be the perfect thing to print out on A4 paper and make little paper filters for joints, WWN can reveal.

Cannabis users shy on roaches have been using the report, compiled over a 2,000-strong sample section of the population in a number of countries around the world, to make roaches ahead of their morning fix of the drug, which isn’t really a fix because they can quit whenever they want and if cannabis is a drug, then so is alcohol and how come it’s legal and cannabis isn’t, bit of a double standard, don’t you agree.

Adamant that cannabis is not only a harmless vice but in many ways almost more essential to human life than water, one cannabis spokesman we spoke to gave us his in-depth breakdown of what he calls ‘the roach report’.

“Nah”, said Keith Whelan, when asked if he agreed with the study published in a renowned psychiatry journal that suggests regular users of strong strains of the drug were 50% more likely to suffer adverse mental health conditions over a prolonged period of time.

“Pff…. nah”, he added.

Keith went on to say that cannabis was harmless, maybe eight or nine more times.