When you trust your partner, and they you, you give each other the gift of respect for their integrity, belief in their strength to withstand temptation and, above all, you give them your love. This mutual vote of confidence bonds you deeply. It boosts your self-esteem as well as the regard you have for your partner.

When you trust someone, you take a leap of faith. There is no guarantee it will be upheld, but that doesn’t stop us trusting all will be well and our trust is, in the main, well placed. We trust people with our lives every day – for instance, our fellow road users and the manufacturers of the appliances we use. We know they could make or have already made mistakes that could cost us dear and perhaps even kill us, yet we take the view that there’s a very strong chance that all will be well and so we implicitly put our faith in them. How much more so can you and your partner put your faith in each other when you know you are each other’s dearest loved one? They love, respect and care deeply for you, and you them, and you have pledged that you will both do your level best to carry through and be worthy of each other’s trust. And yet it’s very easy to have doubts and then suspicions become more invasive and threaten our trust. Which you go with is your choice and given that doubt and suspicion feel dangerous and dire, and trust feels safe and lovely, trust is the outright winner. Not only that, but if you trust your partner, they are far more likely to summon the will and courage to be dependable and trustworthy.

What if your partner has betrayed your trust – is it possible for you to trust them again, knowing full well they could do so again, however vehemently they promise not to?

Yes, it’s perfectly possible. Unless your partner has let you down over and over again, you make the same leap of faith in trusting them as the first time. We are all fallible. We all deserve to be forgiven. We are all capable of learning from our weaknesses or deliberate bad behaviour and promising to be strong and well behaved in future. Trust given and received gives each of you strength and, above all, it feels good.

TRUST NOW. DON’T KEEP REPLAYING PAST HURTS AND GRIEVANCES

Remember that the present is now and the future starts here too. Don’t waste time and emotion on replaying past hurts and fears – you’ll only invite them to stay in your relationship and sabotage your happiness now. Treat every day as a new beginning. If your partner has hurt you, blame and shame won’t help. Focus instead on the love between you and your ongoing choice to be and stay together. Think, together, how you can constructively help yourselves be strong and withstand temptations that would negatively affect each other. Think of trust as a liberator that frees you both to behave well because you want to and can, not because you feel forced to. Replace suspicion and fear of misplaced trust with confidence in your partner and belief in the possibility that your trust is well placed.

Focus on your love and desire to be together and constructively think, together, how you can help yourselves behave lovingly and well towards each other. See trust as your friend and ally. Since it assuredly is.

SECRETS OF HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS 50 Techniques to Stay in Love – Jenny Hare