Imagine a matching game. Imagine also that you always get the same outcome. It might be a happy relationship, a sad relationship, a repeating pattern of dysfunctionality, lots of affairs with librarians, or whatever.

In many models, an unusual similarity of outcomes means that we let partners choose us, rather than choosing partners ourselves more actively. The other side of the matching process is doing the work.

How can this be? The intuition is that "you searching for hidden matches in the rough" is a process that will have higher variance in outcomes than "lots of hidden matches in the rough searching for you."

If you don’t observe that much variance in your outcomes (e.g., lots of librarians), it means one of two things. Maybe you are choosing the non-varying quality very directly and very intentionally, such as having a fetish. That possibility aside, maybe it is a sign that you’re not really choosing but rather being chosen and thus you live in a world of thick search processes and low variance outcomes. Imagine a man who will take whatever comes his way, and spends lots of time in libraries.

If there are recurring outcomes of this kind in your life or relationships, perhaps you are being chosen, whether you know it or not.