Length 1:51:56 Date: December 12, 2015

by Dr. Susan Block

Since I was a little girl, I’ve loved the lights of Hanukkah flickering like fiery angels dancing in the darkness of winter. Now that I’m a big girl, I still enjoy lighting the menorah. Moreover, thanks to my fetish for exploring the erotic potential in traditional holidays, I’ve discovered that Hanukkah candles are great for hot wax play.

Thus this Hanukkah (or Chanuka, if that’s your preference) in Bonoboville is a burning, bawdy, yet mystical and kind of spiritual celebration of hot blue, red, orange, pink and white wax dripping like molten semen (wow!) on naked boobs, tummies, buns, yonis and even buttholes (sing “Allelujah!”), as the sacred sparks of our miraculous menorahs light up the Womb Room. Baruch atah adonai elohenu melach haolam asher kidishanu bimitzvotav vitzivanu lihadlik nair shel Hanukkah. Amen. And Awomen. Welcome to the Temple of Bonoboville, stoking the fires of desire on the spiritual and corporeal planes. Jewish ritual with a pagan flair.

Not that I use the actual menorah candles for the hot-wax play. No, I do retain some reverence for those particular tapers and let them burn naturally on their own, at the Lord’s pace, if you will. But I figure the leftover candles are fair game for the Lady to give the Yiddeshe Holy-Daze a nice hot-wax glaze.

Naughty Holiday Pleasures

I don’t much care for the Hanukkah story which celebrates the short-lived military triumphs of the Maccabees, a family of fundamentalist Pentateuch-thumpers whose first act of rebellion (which we might now call “terrorism”) against their Syrian/Greek overlords was to murder an innocent pagan Jew… like me. How can I “celebrate” that? It’s so unbonobo.

Nevertheless, since before I can remember, like most Jewish kids, I’ve always enjoyed Hanukkah’s Xmas-influenced customs: the gifts, the gelt (both real and chocolate), the dreidel-spinning, the songs and yes, um… the wax. I loved to catch dribbles of candlewax dripping down the taper, enjoying the slight pain of the lava-like stuff burning and then neatly encasing my fingertip as it cooled.

Maybe because I was so often admonished, “Suzy, stop playing with the wax!” by my parents and grandparents for this somewhat blasphemous, quasi-pyromaniacal act, I now find great naughty pleasure in taking Hanukkah candle wax play to new erotic levels, as we do on this blazing, amazing show.

Kendra Jade & Lukas Rossi

Not that Hanukkah in Bonoboville is all hot wax, glazed buns and light-hearted blasphemy. Our Festival of Lights also celebrates love with an extra helping of lust, art, bonobos, history, hypnosis, seduction and the mystical, magical Kabbalah. Which brings me to my first guest on the bed, a DrSuzy.Tv virgin, VH1 reality-TV star of Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, former porn star, converted Jewess (voted one of world’s sexiest Jews by VH1!), student of the Kabbalah and hot blonde, doe-eyed beauty, Kendra Jade Rossi.

Married to rock star Lukas Rossi (winner of Rock Star Supernova) for over seven years, Kendra is longtime pals with our own Dayton Rains, porn star, humanitarian and webcam and phone therapist with the Institute. We cut to Lukas Rossi’s gorgeous lush music video “Super Sex Magic,” featuring Kendra. As the married lovers go bonobos in bed (which Judaism considers a mitzvah (good deed) on the Sabbath and holidays like Hanukkah), Lukas’ ardent voice croons through Kendra’s hot lips, “I don’t want a sweet girl. All I really want is a porn star.”

Though she used to be a porn star (and so-called “sex addict”), Kendra is now more of a “sweet girl,” least on our show, staying covered from her pretty head to her toes, with one very quick glimpse of her divine Magen David tattooed over her Mound of Venus (is that mixing religions?). She also helps me light the Hanukkah menorahs, plus one yoni candle and a few waxed phalluses of various sizes. Towards the end of the show, we play hubby Lukas Rossi’s soulful hardrock cover of Adele’s “Hello.”

Kendra’s galpal Dayton more than compensates for her friend’s modesty, stripping down pretty quickly to nothing but white stockings, opera gloves, a Star of David sticker and a “Dr. Suzy for President” campaign button. She then takes hot wax on her boobs and belly, pops a grape out of her labia and holds the largest cock candle between her legs like a divinely endowed transgender fire angel. Cocks Not Glocks!

Pioneer PUA Ross Jeffries

Next up on the bed is the original “Pickup Artist” (PUA), Ross Jeffries , in his second appearance on The Dr. Susan Block Show; his first was over 25 years ago when I was on KFOX radio! In that quarter century, Ross has made a name for himself as PUA and “Seduction Community” founder, teacher, “Speed Seduction” creator, hypnotist, neurolinguistics programming (NLP) expert and one of the lead characters in The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. Pickup artistry got some infamy with the Santa Barbara murders, but that chimp didn’t take Ross’ course. Ross also happens to be Jewish, proudly wearing my grandfather’s tallis and yarmulke, chanting the Hebrew prayers in a deep, booming baritone like a cantor in shul. He also promotes his seduction tapes and hypnosis techniques pretty constantly, boasting that he can put DrSuzy.Tv producer Biz Bonobo, a.k.a. Elizabeth Aston into a hypnotic trance, though he declines my request to demonstrate his technique on the show, explaining that he can only work this particular pickup magic “in private.”

“That’s okay,” I say, “the Hanukkah candles may not be everlasting lights, but they are hypnotic,” to which Ross replies, “No, they’re not.” At first, I’m perplexed. Who doesn’t find candles hypnotic? Then I realize that the Master is demonstrating a classic PUA technique called “negging,” though on Hanukkah, it sounds a little more like “kvetching.” Kvetch, neggor or cantor, it’s nice to have the everlasting Ross Jeffries back on the show after all these years of great adventure in our different but somewhat related directions, and it’s really fun to sing the Hebrew prayers with someone who knows them better than I do. Plus he’s a card-carrying member of the San Diego Zoo, home of some great bonobos. Go Ross!

Bonobo Art by Helane

Another learned singer of the Hanukkah litanies is one of our favorite longtime guests, the ultra-talented artist Helane, author of A Drawing a Day. Having portrayed dignitaries and Disney characters, from Charlie Sheen to yours truly with Snake Eve, as well as our amiable and wise bonobo logo, Helane is a former Sunday school teacher and Ramah camper (like me), so she knows her Hanukkah.

We are quite the pair of nice Jewish girls gone bad. In fact, it was with Helane on Hanukkah in 2012, that I first discovered the pleasures of dripping hot wax on bare boobs. She ups the ante this Hanukkah, receiving multiple drippings of hot wax all over her beautiful booty—or is that Jooty, or Jewty?—in this show’s tag-team Hot-Wax Hanukkah climax with Biz.

Lovely Helane also presents us with a priceless present, three drawings of Capt’n Max, me and Handsome Hollywood Jake, all three of us looking like bonobos, yet very much ourselves. The drawings are all expertly framed and ready for hanging in the Bonoboville art gallery, though they really could hang in the Louvre, or at least the Getty.

Hanukkah Veronica

Also joining us is MiLF porn star Veronica Vaughn, last seen on The Dr. Susan Block Show around the time when Kendra was getting hitched to Lukas. Veronica’s “claim to fame” is that she does porn scenes with her own (Christian) mom (!). Veronica also has superb, large, natural breasts which she bares joyously #FreetheNipple! Every Jewish holiday celebrates freedom. Though she doesn’t drink, Ms. Vaughn freely offers up her rack as a Bonoboville Communion for Hanukkah altar, like a kinky shammes. It’s Veronica’s first Hanukkah, but she calls the winning (longest lasting) candle in the traditional race, winning herself a jackpot of chocolate gelt, and before long, we’re calling her Hanukkah Veronica.

Kendra and Ross disappear (not together!) for Bonoboville Communion, as Dayton and I take ours with spiced Ron de Jeremy rum ; named for he of the everlasting kosher schlong of the hardest working man in porn. I’m not a fan of infant or child circumcision (much to Ross’ understandable dismay) and neither is Dayton, but Ron rum is the perfect libation for a happy horny Hanukkah.

Of course, there’s also tooth-achingly sweet Manischewitz wine, which Helane, traditionalist that she is, takes with her Communion: Baruch atah Adonai elohenu melech haolam boray peree hagofen. Amen. Awomen. Down the hatch!

Perma-War or the Bonobo Way?

It’s a happy horny Hanukkah indeed. But yet we can’t forget the violent history of the holiday and, as Capt’n Max reminds us, the violent state of our world right now. Ironic how it still centers on Syria and Israel on one level, and fundamentalists versus “pagan” liberals on another. Our lives are steeped in permanent war where most of the casualties are civilians of different lands (including ours), and the only real beneficiary is the Military-Industrial Complex (MIC), which includes the “terrorists,” since the MIC couldn’t peddle its Perma-War without an everlasting enemy like “terror.”

Bombings follow beheadings which are followed by vengeance shootings and crack-down occupation, and the kill-count of innocents keeps on rising. There is another way…

We call it The Bonobo Way. Make love, not war. Share resources. Celebrate sexuality. Empower the female. Gather together to stop government-sponsored murders of innocents, and maybe the “terrorists” will have less “reason” to murder us. Share the oil, that magical fluid that lubricates the Hanukkah miracle.

It’s a different kind of revolution, the Bonobo RƎVO˩ution, a Song of Songs everlasting.

Bonobo lovers rejoice; 2015 has been a tremendous first Year of Bonobo, a recent high point being last Sunday’s 60 Minutes piece with Anderson Cooper interviewing Claudine André (featured in the Bonobo Way), and the baby bonobos at Lola ya Bonobo. The more people learn about bonobos, the more likely we can save them from extinction, and then they will help us save ourselves.

Mitzvah in the Marriage Bed!

After the after-party, Capt’n Max and I show off our Stars of David, hand-woven by inmates n LA’s Twin Towers (#EducationNotMassIncarceration) from the unraveled blue and white threads of their jumpsuits. They usually weave crosses, but made the Magen Davids just for us, charging “four soups” which is two soups more than the crosses, but it’s not price-gouging; the six-pointed stars take more time and thread.

Then up the glittering stairs of Bonoboville we go to our candlelit, frankincense-fragrant boudoir where, inspired by all those hypnotic hot boobs, wax-glazed asses, cock candles and booming prayers, we commit the great holiday mitzvah of Jewish marriage (kosher sex, baby!) in our own bonobo way.

© December 12, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.