I am pleased to announce that finally my life story has been adapted for the screen: in the seventh season of American Horror Story, entitled “Cult,” Sarah Paulson will play Ally, a lesbian living in Michigan who is horrified when Donald Trump wins the presidential election. As a lesbian (currently) living in Michigan who was horrified when Donald Trump won the presidential election and then became president, I have only this question: how do I make the first ten seconds of this trailer my bio for all my social media profiles?

https://youtu.be/-27J0sR9268

Allison Pill will play Ally’s partner, Ivy, who will be sporting a grown-up edition of an alternative lifestyle haircut. It appears Ally and Ivy also have a child, a solid social circle of stylish lesbian friends and a large home. Furthermore, Ally is being haunted/stalked by that g-dforsaken clown that keeps showing up in AHS and ruining my life. The complete plot, via Entertainment Weekly:

Sarah Paulson plays Ally, one-half of a couple (her partner is Ivy, played Alison Pill) living in Michigan who flips out when Donald Trump wins the election. She begins to see clowns everywhere despite the help of her therapist (Cheyenne Jackson). Meanwhile, Evan Peters plays blue-haired Kai, a seemingly nutty fella who’s thrilled by Trump’s election and has it out for Ally. He manipulates Winter (Billie Lourd) into getting a job as Ally and Ivy’s nanny — very The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and The Omen. It appears Winter is there to push Ally’s clown fears to the brink: She even gifts their son with a Twisty the Clown doll. Cue Ally breaking down and grabbing her gun. As Kai says, “If you get people scared enough, they will set the world on fire.”

Even though this show manages to traumatize me every time I dare to watch it, I unfortunately cannot resist the Siren song of a lesbian couple in the midwest (Ryan Murphy is from the Midwest, thus his affection for setting shows here) being the main storyline of a television program. Despite only being exposed to one minute of American Horror Story: Cult thus far, I get the sense that there is nothing about this particular story that required the central family to be headed up by Moms instead of a Mom and a Dad, which is pretty cool. What a time to be more-or-less alive!

The show premieres on September 5th on FX. IMDB lists Problematic Icons Chaz Bono and Lena Dunham as cast members as well as faves and new faces including Billy Eichner, Frances Conroy, Colton Haynes, Adina Porter, Emma Roberts, Mare Winningham and Leslie Grossman.