Generally when you’re being sold a product like this you’re being distracted from something….

GET YOUR WALLETS READY — WE’RE LAUNCHING ICO 2BIT

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better…

We heard your cries:

“How will I ever be able to appraise each individual initial coin offering, there’s just too many of them?!”

“How can I know that I’m investing in the right one?!”

etc (PR: FILL MORE HERE PLS)

Well guess what, your prayers were answered: !!!WE’RE BRINGING TRANCHES TO ICOs!!!

“Tranches, what are those?” we hear you ask.

Well, as you were only 12 in 2008 let us explain (as we tell financial regulators though the models are super-sophisticated and you’re probably a bit too simple to understand — sorry!).

In a nutshell: We’re going to take a position in each ICO, then wrap those up into their own ICO and then you can buy tranches of that ICO depending on your “risk tolerance” i.e. how many hot chicks you want.

(PR: PASTE IN SOME BULLSHIT EQUATION IMAGE HERE PLS)

Basically, it’s all a question of how RICH YOU WANT TO BECOME. The bottom tranche is so safe[1] that you can basically put your entire life savings in and earn a fat return.

The top tranche is a bit more risky, but no more than lending money to Tesla and by the time your Model 3 eventually arrives we guarantee (COMPLIANCE: Can we say that?) you’ll have earned enough to be able to buy a second one!!

So don’t invest in one ICO when you can invest IN THEM ALL.

THIS IS THE BIGGEST FINANCIAL INVENTION SINCE GOLD