NEW YORK—Dressed completely in black outfits accessorized only with ornate brooches, the nation’s fashion designers announced plans Friday to wave with both hands and bow slightly at the end of their fashion shows. “We’re well-pleased to continue standing at the end of the catwalk with vaguely mysterious smiles on our faces, taking in your adoration while mouthing ‘Thank you. Thank you so much,’” a press release from the designers read in part, which also confirmed speculation that participating fashionistas would continue their tradition of blowing the audience a single kiss with both hands. “You may also expect us to press one hand to our chests while swooning slightly and pointing to any other designers in the audience who served as inspiration. As always, we further plan to share the love by asking our models to do a triumphant little victory lap.” In a related report, the nation’s fashion show attendees announced plans to clap daintily between surreptitious lines of cocaine.

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