Every so often, I come across a news story that makes me cringe…and then laugh a little. Lately, virtually all of those stories have centered around women placing highly unusual items inside their vaginas, including stolen goods, concealed weapons, and more. Needless to say, the vagina is not meant to be a storage locker, nor is it a particularly handy place to stockpile daggers and firearms. I mean, if danger arises, would you really be able to get it out in time? Below I give you the five most unusual items women have hidden inside themselves. Needless to say, don’t try any of these at home…or anywhere else for that matter!

5. A Florida woman went on a shopping spree at her local Home Depot with a stolen credit card. When tracked down by the police and asked why the back seat of her car was full of expensive power tools, the woman admitted to having a fraudulent credit card and driver’s license tucked safely away…inside her vagina.

4. After getting into a fight with another woman over purchasing some cigarettes, a (different) Florida woman was searched and it was discovered that she was carrying two concealed weapons: a knife hidden between a couple rolls of fat and another knife stashed inside her vagina. Ouch and ouch.

3. A Romanian woman was arrested after stealing a cell phone from a restaurant customer and “tamponing” it. How did the police know where the goods were hidden? Those crafty law enforcement officials called the number of the missing phone and the woman’s vagina started ringing. And, no, I’m not making this up. Perhaps not surprisingly, the victim did not want the phone back afterward.

2. After arresting an Oklahoma woman for drug paraphernalia, police officers noticed a “wooden and metal item sticking out from her vagina area” during a routine body cavity search. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a loaded handgun (you can see a picture of the gun in question here). The woman also had a couple of bags of methamphetamine inside her buttocks, but that was a mere sideshow compared to the heat she was packing up front.

1. A British television show called Bizarre ER recently recounted the case of a female emergency room patient complaining of pain “down there.” What was the diagnosis? A rolled-up poster of musician Donny Osmond stuffed inside her vagina. I know your mind is probably racing with a million questions like “How big was the poster?” "Who's Donny Osmond?" and, perhaps most importantly, “Why? Whyyyy???” All I can tell you is that when your number one fan isn't all there upstairs, anything can happen.

In case any of you guys out there are feeling left out, don’t worry—I have some equally fascinating cases lined up for a future article about the most unusual things men have placed inside their own body cavities, not to mention (brace yourself) a list of the most bizarre and frightening places men have put their penises. Stay tuned!

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