(A/N) This little plot bunny came to me while I was singing in the shower. Yes, I'm a manly man alright.

Anyway, the song mentioned (and performed) is Stan by Eminem ft. Elton John. One of my all-time favorites. I'd definitely recommend listening to it before or during your reading of this incredibly amazing, totally sensical first chapter. The song is available on youtube, at /watch?v=aiHgjmqRP_8.

Hope ya enjoy!

It all started so… stupidly.

That stupid bar and those stupid drinks… Ugh. Edward Elric hated even thinking about it He was a 23 year old perpetual underachiever, desperately trying to hold on to his dead-end pharmacy gig in a seemingly futile attempt to remain clear of his bastard of a father's shadow. He was already in deep enough shit for correcting the resident pharmacist three times in his last shift. He didn't have the time nor energy to worry about some stupid open mic night.

But he was an Elric, and when an Elric lost a bet, he owned up to it. If he wasn't an Elric, well, that would make him a Hohenheim, and… ew. Edward inwardly cringed, and cut off that train of thought as soon as humanly possible. He had, somehow, been drunken under the table by Ling, and now he needed to help fuel that ponytailed brat's oft-ridiculed dream of becoming a rapper.

Well, when Ed actually did something, he always did the shit out of it. He had unfortunately inherited his father's knack for music. Time to put it to use.

"I mean, I love Eminem, but a piano? Is that really gonna work?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "Yeah Ling, it will. If your scrawny ass has any flow at all, it'll sound great."

"And you can handle the hook? Though your hair and stature say otherwise, you are a dude, and Dido…" Ling was cut off by an enraged fist to the face.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MINISCULE YOU COCKBITING…" Ed's rant was cut off by the buzzer in his pocket going off. "Shit, we're up. Your girl is on the MIDI board, so she'll fill in the gaps of the piano. We've got everything covered."

"Lan Fan isn't my… I hate you. Let's go."

The duo walked from their secluded corner table over to the small stage. The host announced that they would be performing Stan by Eminem, and the sparsely-filled cafe collectively groaned. Anger began to bubble up in Ed, but he then chuckled in realization.

An Asian dude with a ponytail and an admittedly geeky looking guy with long, blond hair were about to rap. Yeah, he would've probably groaned too.

He sat down on the piano bench and assessed the instrument. The thing was ancient, but it was in good-enough shape. He flexed his fingers and flipped his mental switch. He was now in musician mode.

Yeah, he thought it sounded stupid, too. Al had come up with the name back when they were in their elementary school days, and their mom had loved it. Thus, it was the name. And, despite the fact that he was likely going to be rusty as all hell, it really was an apt way to describe it.

Edward Elric had spent the first 17ish years of his life obsessively learning to play every instrument imaginable. After the events of his 18th year, well, things changed, and he hadn't touched it since, but skill like that doesn't just go away. All of that unused ability was partitioned off to the back of his head, wardened by dark memories of pain and sheer sadness. Accessing all of that wasn't exactly a smooth process.

Still, the familiar trance took over as he struck the first key.

"Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't calling…"

As the verse carried on, Ed fought to keep the melody simple as the bass began ominously stirring.

"Anyway, I hope you get this, man. Hit me back, just to chat. Truly yours, this is Stan."

Ling finished out the verse, and Edward's surprisingly smooth voice filled the cafe as the piano picked up.

"My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all…"

The 'crowd' was sure as hell paying attention now. The song continued, with Lan Fan's MIDI and Ed's piano constantly one-upping each other.'

"It was you… damn."

Suddenly, Ed was out of the trance, and the cafe erupted in applause.

"Al… that was amazing! Where did Ed learn to do that?!"

Al looked over at Winry Rockbell with a bit of a sad expression on his face. He awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. "Heh, sometimes I forget that you're kinda new to our little group. Brother used to be really, really, really into music, but, well, he isn't really anymore."

"I'm just glad that I caught it on video. Now I finally have some ammo to return fire on the "Gearhead" jokes," Winry half-muttered as she smirked at her phone.

Al's eyes widened. "You can make fun of him for it, but, just don't tell him that you have video of it. He's really, err, shy about stuff like that."

"Oh, should I delete it then? I mean, Ed can be a dick, but I don't wanna…"

Al cut her off, shaking his head. "Brother trusts you. Just… don't share it with anyone, alright?"

Winry nodded and pocketed her phone. That performance had certainly been something else. She genuinely looked forward to seeing it again. Who would've thought that her brash idiot of a neighbor could sing like that?

MUSIC GREAT VAN HOHENHEIM ANNOUNCES "HUNGER NO MORE" TOUR. TIX AVAILABLE SOON!

Legendary frontman Van Hohenheim announced Tuesday that his band, Fillstone, would be embarking on a worldwide tour over the next six months. All band proceeds will go directly to the UNICEF Hunger fund.

The surprise tour will mark the 14th tour in 10 years for the beloved rock group.

(A/N) Well, that was certainly... something, right? Yes, as I've replied to many a PM, I'm still working on Brothers and The Wrong School. I'm rewriting the first chapter of Brothers to make the who thing more cohesive, and I've been lazy with that, I'll admit. As for TWS, well, I wrote myself into a bit of a corner. I just recently figured out the direction to go it, but then finals happened and a whole new writer's block set in. Either way, both should be done soon.



Anyway, let me know if you guys enjoyed, or if this thing is worth continuing!

-theb3arjew