Surging bonds and bullion and slumping stocks was not what Janet had in mind so she had some 'splaining to do. Hopes for a "passive hawkish" note appear to be met as confirmation of dismal data dependence offers just enough dovishness for the stock bulls and just enough hawkishness for economy bulls.

*FED REPEATS ECONOMY EXPECTED TO WARRANT ONLY GRADUAL RATE RISES

*FED ASSESSING GLOBAL DEVELOPMENTS FOR ITS BALANCE-OF-RISK VIEW

*FED CLOSELY MONITORING GLOBAL ECONOMIC, FINANCIAL DEVELOPMENTS

Treading a fine line between losing all credibility and exposing their total devotion to the stock market, it appears The Fed is maintaining its delusion that everything will be fine as they unwind the largest and most experimental monetary policy of all time, and yet for the first time we get proof that the Fed admits it made an error by hiking into a slowing economy: "labor market conditions improved further even as economic growth slowed late last year.

Pre-Fed: S&P Futs 1901.75, 10Y 2.04%, Gold $1115, WTI $31.95, EUR1.0875

Before the statement hit, rate odds this year were as follows:

Since the last meeting - and the historic rate hike - things have not panned out for The Fed...

Nanex explains the liquidity situation right before the statement:

Further headlines:

FOMC: REMOVES 'REASONABLY CONFIDENT' RE 2% MED-TERM INFL

*FED: MKT-BASED INFLATION COMPENSATION MEASURES DECLINED FURTHER

*FED: SURVEY-BASED INFLATION EXPECTATION MEASURES LITTLE CHANGED

Except that is a total lie..

*FED SAYS INVENTORY INVESTMENT HAS SLOWED

Here's why!!

* * *

Full Redline Statement below:

There was some verbal "normalization" in the statement, which at 558 words had the fewest words since the July statement:

* * *

Even Steve Liesman knows it's over...

... Bringing us to the many faces of Yellen: