Parents affected by LDS Church decision speak out

Emotions have been high since The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced new policy changes regarding the children of same-sex couples.

On Thursday night, an update of Handbook 1 for LDS leaders began circulating online.

Its contents included new language requiring couples who enter into a same-sex marriage to be labeled as apostates and their children excluded from being blessed or baptized until the age of 18.

By Friday, Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church confirmed the church’s new guidelines regarding same-sex couples and their children in a video interview.

"We recognize that same-sex marriages are now legal in the United States and some other countries and that people have the right if they choose to enter into those, and we understand that,” Christofferson said. “But that's not a right that exists in the church. That's the clarification."

He said the church considers same-sex marriage a particularly egregious sin that requires mandatory church discipline.

"There was the need for a distinction to be made between what may be legal and what may be the law of the church and the law of the Lord," Christofferson said. "It's a matter of being clear. It's a matter of understanding right and wrong. It's a matter of a firm policy that doesn't allow for question and doubt."

Christofferson said the revisions are meant to protect children from being torn between their parents' teachings and those of the church. If they choose to be baptized as adults, there's time for an informed and conscious decision, he said.

The updates within the handbook indicate children of same-sex couples, whether the couple is married or living together, “may not receive a name and a blessing.”

The wording also explains these children can be baptized, ordained and recommended for missionary service only on certain conditions. These include disavowing the practice of same-sex relationships; no longer living with gay parents when they turn 18; and getting approval from their local leader and the highest leaders at church headquarters in Salt Lake City.

The church views these acts as promises to follow its doctrine that bind people to the faith. The changes align with the way the church addresses children in polygamous families, Christofferson said in the video.

Linda Stay, a St. George resident, mother to a gay son and the friend of several same-sex couples with children of their own said she was heartbroken by the news. Her son and his husband recently became the new parents of a baby.

“To put a child in that situation is horrific to me and to think that that’s OKto ask them to do that — I think it’s a tragedy,” Stay said. “I think the church will lose beautiful, vibrant souls that could bring a lot of light to their congregation.”

A friend of Stay’s, who is gay, has a 17-year-old son who was preparing to go on a mission.

She said another friend’s teenage daughters had previously chosen to be baptized and are feeling vulnerable because of the new policies.

Jen Beard, Washington City, has concerns about her 10 and 13-year-old children being bullied.

Beard was raised in the LDS Church and has been married to her wife for eight years.

She said both children are active in the church.

“They’re terrified what they’ve got to deal with at school now; their whole life is about church and now it’s gone,” Beard said. “This town is mainly Mormon so they are going to be facing some persecution.”

Beard’s children have both been baptized but now she says they will not be going to church — a decision she has left up to her children.

She said she feels that since the church hasn’t been able to attack same-sex couples, they are now coming after their children.

Beard said she couldn’t be a part of a religion that is hurting her family.

“We thought this was about love, love one another,” she said. “And that’s not what we’re seeing; I think the church has changed over the years.”

For Jason Burrows and his partner of three years, the church’s policy is affecting his children in more ways than one.

Three of them have already been baptized but the youngest still hasn’t.

Burrows’ oldest son was also preparing to go on a mission before the new policy changes were announced.

Now, his son is faced with the tough decision.

Burrows said the changes will see not only same-sex couples leaving the church but their friends and family.

When he came out as gay he was excommunicated from the LDS Church.

“I think it causes division of community and family I think there’s enough scripture to support and love all, welcome all; don’t’ be prideful, don’t be judgmental,” Burrows said. “But then to grasp the few random needles that slightly reference homosexual relationships as being bad in a huge book of scriptures is just silly.”

Stay said in the LDS faith being baptized and serving a mission as well serving in the church is a large part of many children’s expectations.

Now she said there will be ramifications for those children whose classmates, relatives and friends are experiencing what they had hoped to do but no longer can.

She said she believes this is going to make these children feel ashamed.

But what has brought the most frustration to Stay has been the reactions from other people in the aftermath of the announcement.

“My biggest heartache is people out there just flippantly saying ‘what’s the crisis? This isn’t news, we’ve always known where the church stands when it comes to same sex relationships,’” Stay said. “The church, which should be a place of refuge and security, has abandoned them, basically shutting them out to the world and instead of being that safe place for them, it’s now put them in a very horrific position.”

Scott Gordon, president of FairMormon, a volunteer organization that supports the church, said he understands why some find the changes jarring and consider them mean-spirited toward children.

But he believes they're intended to protect gay couples and their families by allowing the kids to mature and make the difficult decision at 18 about whether to become fully invested in a religion that holds as a root tenet that their parents' lifestyle is a sin.

"The idea of family is not just a peripheral issue in the Mormon church. It's core doctrine. It's a central idea that we can be sealed together as a family and live together eternally," Gordon said. "That only works with heterosexual couples."

Last month, two high-ranking LDS Church leaders delivered speeches that gave LGBT advocates hope that the faith was moving toward greater acceptance.

The leaders reiterated the religion's commitment to promoting families led by married heterosexual couples, but it also urged people not to shun those with opposing views.

That message of "fairness of all" appeared to distance the faith from the blowback that came when it was a major backer of California's gay marriage ban in 2008.

Some find the new rules contradictory to these recent church messages, including guidance from a church website created in 2012 to urge more compassion for LGBT people.

On it, the church says: "With love and understanding, the church reaches out to all God's children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters."

Support for gay marriage is lower, with just 25 percent of Latter-day Saints approving such unions.

The Associated Press contributed to this story.

Follow Nichole Osinski on Twitter, @nrosinski, and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/osinskireporter. Call her at 435-674-6231.

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Click on the story to watch the video interview with Elder D. Todd Christofferson.

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