Going public with her battle with depression is the biggest risk she’s ever taken, local MPP Lisa MacLeod said Sunday.

MacLeod, the MPP for Nepean-Carleton, made the surprise announcement about her depression at a gathering celebrating her 10-year political anniversary.

She’s right, of course.

While it might be in vogue to talk about there not being any shame around suffering depression, that’s just talk.

There shouldn’t be any stigma, of course.

But when you’re the one suffering from it, it’s not quite so easy.

And it wasn’t for MacLeod.

As she herself points out, she has been a longtime advocate against bullying, about being open about suffering from depression.

But during her own journey in going public, she herself perceived a stigma about it, even though she didn’t realize it until then.

It was only when it became personal, that she realized how difficult it would be to tell her story.

“That was my big worry, that people would think I was weak, that I couldn’t do my job.

I was still afraid,” MacLeod told the Sun.

“It’s the biggest risk I ever took, worrying about people judging about your stability.”

MacLeod said she began slowly talking to her closest friends.

“And yes, I realized I still judged. This is the problem when it hit me, I was too afraid to stand up or speak out, and I thought ... someone like me, who has spent the last five years fighting for this, yet I was still a little bit afraid,” she said.

As she slowly began to go public, MacLeod said people began to open up to her about their own experiences, or the experiences of others.

“They would say they know someone, that someone they knew had attempted suicide,” MacLeod said.

She hesitates ever so slowly when asked if she ever contemplated suicide.

“No,” she said, “but I was in a dark place. I was just sad.”

For a period of time, she says, she just wanted to spend the day not just in bed, but underneath the bed.

And if she managed to get out of bed, it was only to lay on the couch.

As much as she decided the time was now to come forward, to be honest with her constituents, that didn’t make it any easier.

“Well, I’d say for the past 48 hours, I was scared. In my job, people judge you based on how effective you are,” she said.

“To be honest, I felt I needed to explain why I wasn’t as present as before, you know what, my husband was a little concerned about it. To be honest, I was concerned.

“I’m a public figure, this could be a risk. I will tell you, having gone through it, you realize what’s important in life,” MacLeod said.

Seems clear MacLeod has been on the dark side, and has come into the light.

“There was a time after the provincial election, I couldn’t eat. And then, people were pressuring me to get into the leadership race. I felt pretty dark. I was away from my family, on the road a lot. When I withdrew, I just wanted to sleep under my bed, and then there was the pressure with the federal seat. It was hard to go through,” she said.

Macleod said she did eventually speak to her doctor, and has come out on the other side, without the aid of medication.

She’s counting herself lucky.

“I didn’t have a lot of hope. I was in a pretty bad place, there were days I felt I couldn’t move. This past summer, I was in crisis, I was searching for something I couldn’t find. People talk about the fire in belly, but I’d lost part of myself.”