**HOLY $#!^**

Are you kidding? Really? You're more than just a believer or a supporter. You, like Poofessor John Crapper, are a visionary; a pioneer! Of course you will receive everything included in THE POOFESSIONAL, the CHOCOLATE WASTE(D) and the READ IT & EXCRETE rewards, but so much more! You will experience the joy, the satisfaction and the unparalleled triumph of unearthing a previously never-discovered, magically momentous, historically significant, culturally important artifact of mythical proportions. Join the Poofessor himself on a day-long excavation in sunny Southern California – where it all began! You and up to one guest will be guided by the Poofessor in HUNTING a mythical creature trail, LOCATING magical excrement, and DIGGING it up for you and posterity. You will get the honor of NAMING the poo yourself. What a dream! And you'll go home with your own CUSTOM-LABELED SAMPLE of the poo you discovered, plus a framed CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY to proudly display in your office or bathroom. What's more, your day will be recorded on a video device, which means you'll always have a modern record of your otherworldly archeological adventure! Oh, and we must advise that you will also get two nights in a fancy hotel in the OC, a glutton of hipster food, your very own archeologist-y hat, and a somewhat professional diggy thing. You'll have to get yourself to the Orange County because airfare and gasoline are not included, and (if you are of age) the only guaranteed alcohol will be a nice bit of cognac strictly to be enjoyed WITH the Poofessor, but all of that is no surprise, is it? Oh, and you will have to put up with the presence of the Poofessor's ass-istant, Loo. Alas, he is a necessary addition to the party, as he is really the only one who knows what he is doing. Still, YOU LUCKY DOG! At this level, everyone wishes they were you, EVEN THE UNICORNS!

Less