LTO officials are overjoyed at a brand new list of fines that they are presenting to the public in the next couple of weeks. “These new fines further our long-standing and unwavering commitment to take as much money from the average Filipino as possible. As an organization, this could be our proudest moment.”

A senior LTO official, who asked not to be named, recounted what led to the conceptualization of these fines. “After the brilliant idea to fine consumers for not using LTO sanctioned screws, we wanted to top ourselves. So we started brainstorming, but our minds just drew a blank.”

He continued, “The spark that helped us came when one of our most senior members stood up and said, ‘Guys … what would Satan do?’. Needless to say that after we all heard that, ideas just started flying around the room.”

Agila News was given an exclusive insider preview of some of the new fines they plan to introduce:

1. Driving without an official LTO drivers license card jacket

2. Parking without an official LTO rear view mirror

3. Cleaning your car without an official LTO sponge and hose

4. Operating a PUV without an official LTO good morning towel

5. Driving while under the influence of a non officially sanctioned LTO beverage

6. Riding a motorcycle without a helmet full of LTO stickers

7. Listening to non LTO approved radio stations while driving, riding or looking at cars

LTO officials are looking to implement these whether you like it or not.