“That’s just how old people talk into phones. They think every phone is like a ham radio during World War II: ‘Hello, is anyone out there? Are you receiving this message?’” — SETH MEYERS

“Maybe because you’ve been watching phone calls. Try listening to them. [Imitating Trump] ‘No matter how wide I open my eyes, I couldn’t hear a thing. I might need glasses.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“This is a man who holds press conferences in front of a running helicopter, so I think you can hear him over a phone receiver. And if his best defense against impeachment is ‘I’m not loud,’ he’s gonna be in prison by Tuesday.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Well, you know what, the thing is, the human voice really reverberates from inside a tanning bed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“You shouldn’t feel bad about not seeing it, because last night’s Democratic debate was the least-watched Democratic debate yet. Yes, yeah, true story. The ratio was one viewer for every one candidate.” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“Andrew Yang supporters are angry that their candidate didn’t get to talk very much last night. Yeah. And Joe Biden’s supporters are angry that theirs did.” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“Wow, in a two-hour debate, Andrew Yang only got to speak for six minutes and 53 seconds. That’s nothing. Like, there are rappers who speak more before their song even starts.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Meanwhile, Joe Biden had some pretty big blunders on issues of race and domestic violence — I don’t know if you saw this. Or as Biden’s campaign is calling it, ‘a pretty average night.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Yeah, Biden also caught heat for saying that he ‘came out of the black community.’ When she heard that, Rachel Dolezal was like, ‘Well, he has my vote.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Well, that’s the thing about Joe Biden: He’s not afraid to say the wrong thing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL