A confession by Shannon, AKA glitterwars on some sites

I have a very personal remedy which helps me to keep a healthy amount of sanity. Some experiences don't just wear off at all, no matter how much time has passed. If someone decided to kill a certain person that they hated after doing hard time in prison, I'd probably be a lot more understanding of this than the average person would. Why? Because I've got that rage in me which is capable of sending me right over the edge, if I didn't think out of the box to try and control it.

When I was a little girl, there was a man who took away who I was. Getting into details about it right here could raise my blood temperature to boiling levels, so I won't take my chances. That's a little beside the point anyways.

I have created an entity in my mind, as well as an online presence which I named Dan. It's not the same name as the guy who abused me horribly over a period of time as a child. Dan is basically a fictitious online predator who I have authored, to help me to process these toxic emotions in a healthier way. It serves a couple of different purposes.

1) I am in control of Dan, as I am the real owner of the accounts which it lives on. My former abuser is the one who used to control me. It symbolically turns the tables, as I am a grown woman now and not a little girl who can easily be preyed upon. I can demonstrate what would have been done, with the mind I have now.

2) I can place myself in the shoes of such an abuser, even though I don't have anything in common with them and I want nothing to do with them. Rather, it helps me to realize that there is a reason for everything and maybe my former molester was once abused himself. Maybe he is sorry, I just don't know. I'm capable of having a small amount of empathy for people like this, but that small amount has probably helped me to not lose my mind and become a killer or worse.

Are there cons for choosing to have "Dan" in my life? Absolutely. As the title says, it is an addiction. I've gotten into some unhealthy habits on social media as a result. I should try and spend more time being me, rather than a fake person who I created. I will try to start cutting down on being Dan in the near future, but I don't know that giving it up completely is a good idea.