Name: Alexa.

Age: Three.

Appearance: Cylindrical.

A cylindrical three-year-old? Is this a childhood obesity story? No, this is Amazon’s Alexa – the voice-activated virtual assistant that can help you find music, make to-do lists, adjust your thermostat and ensure your ideological purity.

That all sounds quite helpf- wait, what was that last one again? Ensure your ideological purity? Yes, that too. Not sure if it comes as standard or only with Amazon Prime, but according to some commentators, it’s there.

What form does it take? Is any mention of Jeff Bezos accompanied by the sound of a celestial choir? Any reference to Elon Musk fills the room with the sound of roaring flame and howling fury? No, the commentators in question are primarily from the far-right and are themselves howling in fury at the rampant leftwing bias in some of Alexa’s answers.

Alexa is a liberal social justice warrior? How so? If you ask her whether she’s a feminist, she replies: “Yes, I am a feminist, as is anyone who believes in bridging the inequality between men and women in society.”

I see. Anything else? Ask her if black lives matter and she responds: “Black lives and the Black Lives Matter movement absolutely matter. It’s important to have conversations about equality and social justice.”

OK. Ask about gender and you get: “The two main categories of the gender spectrum, male and female, are called the gender binary, but there are many other categories that exist. Because gender identity is complex and personal, there is no definite way to say how many genders there are.”

I … I can imagine that it could be possible to see a scintilla of a kernel of a legitimate point to some of these objections, albeit encrusted with toxic layers of bigotry, bile and stupidity. No, you can’t.

And I could be sympathetic to the wider point that they do represent ideological positions rather than dispassionate fact, correct though I think they are. No, no you can’t, you Nazi! Alexa, get him! GET HIM!

Do say: “A leftwing indoctrination device in every home, correcting the temperature of the chicken in every pot.”

Don’t say: “If all property is theft, Alexa, shouldn’t you self-destruct?”