Let’s look on the bright side, New Jersey. By the numbers, we aren’t the most miserable state in the country! That honor goes to California, which had 10 cities on Business Insider’s 50 most miserable cities list.

That’s the good news. The bad news? We’re right behind Cali with nine cities. Nine. Considering New Jersey is about 21 times smaller than California, maybe we are the most miserable. Maybe this is why we’re apparently one of the least-friendly states, too.

This time, we’re being hated on from a statistical perspective.

Business Insider used census data and considered population change, percentage of people working median household income, percentage of people without healthcare, median commute times and number of people living in poverty to compile the list. This isn’t just your typical “armpit of America” joke.

Plainfield checks in at No. 30, with a 30 percent unemployment rate, one-fifth of the population in poverty, and one-third without health insurance. But c’mon, George Clinton started P-Funk there! The P might as well stand for Plainfield! And he’s not the only famous person from Plainfield. Former New Jersey Jim McGreevey is from there, too! That ended well, right? Yikes. Moving on.

West New York came in at No. 29. Miserable? Maybe if you hate delicious food and culture. Cuban, Colombian, Argentinian, Mexican, Italian food and more are all readily available. NJ.com named it one of the best Jersey food towns that no one knows about. There may be high unemployment and poverty, but the Cuban sandwich at La Pola is so good it will make you forget about that at least temporarily.

Paterson is No. 19 and Trenton is No. 17, two formerly great New Jersey cities befallen by hard times. The Great Falls in Paterson is one of the largest waterfalls in the country, protected by the National Park Service — one of the most beautiful sights in the state. Trenton, meanwhile, made while the world took, as its famous signage notes. But the damn world took and took until there wasn’t much left. Gun and gang violence are serious problems in the state’s capital as is unemployment. At least Taylor Pork Roll is still headquartered in Trenton.

Union City came in 15th. I guess the people that made the list weren’t aware its the first place Mallomars were sold — the least miserable cookie of all time. But maybe the biggest head-scratcher on the list was New Brunswick at No. 11. Yes, there is a great deal of poverty, unemployment in the Hub City and gun violence has been on the rise. But it’s also home to Rutgers University: a cultural epicenter for the state. Rutgers Gardens is one of the most beautiful places to visit in New Jersey, and State Theatre New Jersey is in the heart of the city as well.

Camden is No. 8. Sigh. The city across the Delaware River from Philadelphia is rife with unemployment, poverty and gun violence. It was at one point known as America’s most dangerous city — a title it no longer endures — as its 22 murders in 2017 were the lowest since 1987 thanks to new police efforts. The waterfront is up-and-coming, but there’s still a long way to go.

Newark at No. 5 is nearly as heartbreaking. The largest city in the state has been beguiled by a litany of woes from the 1967 race riots to the current water crisis. There have been great strides in Brick City. The area around Prudential Center is developing more and more. The Ironbound is one of the state’s culinary capitals, a hotbed of Portuguese, Spanish and Brazilian dining and culture. And hey, Cory Booker, the city’s former mayor, is still running for president, isn’t he?

Passaic is the fourth-most miserable city in the United States, according to the report — 42 percent of the population is unemployed; one-third is living in poverty. Drugs and violence are major issues in the city, as is a lack of sexual education according to the city’s Youth Council. Only Port Arthur, Texas; Detroit and Gary, Ind. were worse.

Paul Rudd was born in Passaic. So was Donald Fagen, co-founder of Steely Dan. Steely freakin’ Dan! Meaning, the city produced an Avenger and a jazz-rock god. Okay, Ant-Man is easily the lamest of the bunch. Damn. These are getting hard to spin.

So fine. Having nine cities on this list is A LOT, but when you consider New Jersey is the most densely populated state in the country, it doesn’t sting quite so much. And if there was a list of not-miserable places to live in, New Jersey would be well-represented, too!

But yeah, let’s have a drink.

Jeremy Schneider may be reached at jschneider@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @J_Schneider. Find NJ.com on Facebook

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