Hello, friends. I hope you’re well. If you would today, please take a card out of the deck. Now I’m not going to look, and I want you to put the card back into the deck anywhere you want. Now shuffle it. Now I’ll take the deck. Is this your card? I thought it was.

Friends, though this past weekend in Nashville failed to deliver the desired results for our beloved Cats in the new Stoops era, it nonetheless kicked off another Kentucky football season, which means soon will come the falling leaves, the cooler climes, and the warm aroma of tailgating around Commonwealth. This weekend, as you no doubt well know, is the Wildcats’ home opener against the Miami RedskinsHawks, and I’m sure you’re more than prepared to head down to campus and get your tailgate on. As always, I’d rather light a candle than curse your darkness, so I thought I’d weigh in today with some of my favorite tailgate recipes guaranteed to keep everyone happy on Saturday morning. Good luck, get cooking and I’ll see you here next week, gang.

Bleu Cheese Ranch Dip

Ingredients: Sour cream, ranch dip mix, bleu cheese crumbles, chives, carrots, celery, potato chips.

1. Stir together sour cream, ranch dip mix and bleu cheese crumbles.

2. Add in fresh, chopped chives.

3. Serve atop celery sticks, carrots, chips or wings.

Vegetable Tray

Ingredients: Carrots, celery, cauliflower, radishes, olives, cherry tomatoes

1. Slice carrots, cauliflower, radishes, olives, tomatoes.

2. Serve decoratively on platter.

Bourbon Fried Chicken

Ingredients: Bourbon (eight shots), flour, chicken breast, vegetable oil

1. Heat oil over medium heat.

2. Roll chicken in flour to coat.

3. Fry to brown in skillet, flip chicken.

4. Fry opposite side until cooked.

5. Drink eight shots of bourbon.

Gameday Deviled Eggs

Ingredients: Hard-boiled eggs, mayonnaise, brown mustard, salt, parsley

1. Slice eggs in half, removing yolk but keeping egg whites intact.

2. Text Tracy to find out where she is. She should be here by now.

3. Mash together yolks, mayonnaise and other ingredients together with fork.

4. Drink two beers.

5. Spoon yolk mixture back into egg white halves.

6. Text Tracy again.

Crowd-Pleasing Guacamole

Ingredients: Avocado, red onion, lime juice, jalapeno peppers, garlic clove

1, Call Tracy.

2. Drink shot of Fireball.

3. Tell Wade he doesn’t know how it is with you and Tracy. He can shut up.

4. Mix ingredients, letting stand at room temperature for thirty minutes.

5. Trip, unobserved, over a cornhole board.

Prize-Winning Pasta Salad

Ingredients: Rotini pasta, Italian dressing, cucumbers, olives, green onions, diced tomatoes

1.Tell Wade to get his hands off you, you’re fine. You don’t need him, you don’t need anybody.

2. Boil rotini pasta until soft.

3 Drink two beers.

4. Vomit onto sleeve. Call Tracy.

5. Ask Julie where Tracy is, does she love you anymore.

6. In a large bowl, mix vegetables with cooked pasta. Chill and serve.

Super-Spicy Layered Bean Dip

Ingredients: Cream cheese, spicy black bean dip, shredded Mexican cheese, olives, onions

1. Layer cream cheese, dip and cheese into one-quart serving dish.

2. Tell Wade you will NOT calm down and to leave you alone.

3. Fall into, knock over grill.

4. Punch styrofoam cooler apart.

5. Serve with tortilla or corn chips.

Tracy Is a Slut Chili

Ingredients: Ground beef, onion, green bell pepper, cumin, tomato sauce, red pepper flakes, chili powder, chili beans

1. Climb up on table, announce that you hate Tracy.

2. Slip and fall on guacamole dish, shattering it.

3. Press paper towels against pressure points to stop your forearm from bleeding until paramedics arrive.

4. Text Tracy that you hope she’s happy now and that you really want her to have a good and happy life and you mean it even if it’s not with you because she’s a good person and you mean that seriously and you just love her so much and you’re sorry and you love her forever but you just want her to be happy.

5.Tell paramedics you will never be in love with anybody ever again and that you want to just be alone forever and you don’t even care because it’s what you really want. You don’t need Tracy or anybody.

6. Swing at paramedics and tell them to get off you because you’re an ultimate fighter and you know jitsu-moves.

7. Cover and simmer for 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.

8. Cry, black out.