When Ireland voted for marriage equality it would be fair to say that many people across the world were a little surprised. I know in Ireland we see ourselves as a modern dynamic and innovative country which is at the forefront of the world’s digital and pharmaceutical industries, but across the world most people still think of Ireland as a deeply religious Catholic country, a land of churches and tradition. Indeed, it is still hard to find a Hollywood film where the priest does not have an Irish accent.

The truth, as is usually the case in life, is that a little bit of both images are true. Ireland is a religious country and has the second highest regular church attendance in Europe after Poland. It has found a way to marry dynamism and tradition.

So how could this country of deep faith so enthusiastically vote for marriage equality for lesbian and gay people and become the first country in the world to do so? The truth is we supported marriage equality not in spite of, but because of the values our faith raised each of us in.

The same is true in Australia. Poll after poll shows the majority of Australian people of faith are in favour of marriage equality. The old argument of gay versus God is bogus. It is not a choice of picking one or the other and the members of churches see that.

Most of our faiths are built on the foundation stones of respect, human dignity, the sanctity of the person and social justice. These values do not contradict same-sex marriage, rather they lead us to supporting it. Across Ireland and Australia many of the leading advocates for marriage equality are people of faith. Australia is undoubtedly more religiously diverse than Ireland but since I came here I have been struck by the amazing voices from every faith who are making the case for marriage equality through the prism of their faith.

Sadly, most of the time the loudest voices we hear from the hierarchy of our churches is one that is out of step with their flocks. It is a cold, strident and marginalising message about our lesbian and gay friends, family and neighbours that has done so much damage over the centuries. It is a tone that contradicts the values of love, compassion and dignity that most religious people adhere to in Australia today.

All too often we generalise about people including people of faith. We make the presumption that if someone is religious they must be against equality for lesbian and gay people. Nothing could be further from the truth. As lesbian and gay people we know all too well what it is like when people make negative generalisations about us. We must show real leadership in ensuring we do not do the same to others.

The remarkable journey towards equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in Australia must not become a journey based on the defeat of religion but rather a journey that builds bridges between people of faith and LGBTI people. It must be a journey that allows people of faith to ask their genuine questions so they might become supporters and advocates of equality. A journey based on conversation, persuasion and the values we hold dear, not angry debates.

A journey we can and should all take together.