I see Pamela Anderson has been making yet another fashion statement. What is it?

Joel, by email

We’re a long way from the red bathing suit now, CJ. As you say, Joel, Pamela Anderson has indeed been putting the “statement” into fashion statement this week, when she was spotted – by a photographer who conveniently just happened to be outside Belmarsh prison in south-east London at that very moment – leaving after visiting her good friend, Julian Assange. Honestly, where’s Mitch Buchannon (David Hasselhoff, duh) when you need him to stage an intervention? Good Lord, at this point even Mitch’s son Hobie would probably suffice.

Anderson made a long comment to the handily assembled press ranks outside the jail after her visit. She talked about how horrifically unjust it was that Assange was “really cut off from everybody”, to which you can only answer: “Well then, he should be delighted, given he chose to do exactly that for the past seven years when he holed himself up in the Ecuadorean embassy.” Anderson continued: “He does not deserve to be in a supermax prison. He has never committed a violent act. He is an innocent person.” And again, Ms Anderson, one must beg to remind you that, while that may all be true, no one knows that for certain because – and apologies for bringing up this inconvenient truth yet again – he avoided extradition to Sweden to answer to crimes he is accused of by hiding out in an embassy in Knightsbridge for seven flipping years. You remember that, right? You visited him there. That place where your warrior for truth would – according to Ecuador’s UK ambassador, Jaime Marchán – leave half-eaten meals in the sink. As Andrew O’Hagan explained way back in 2014 when describing what it was like spending time with Assange: “If you asked him to do the dishes, he would say he was trying to free economic slaves in China and had no time to wash up.”

Anderson added: “He is a good man, he is an incredible person. I love him.” She clearly rather fancies herself and Assange as the 21st century’s Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller (as opposed to what they actually are, which is a real-life Harley Quinn and Joker from Batman: The Animated Series). Still, good for you, Pamela! Love is a wondrous thing. This column sincerely hopes you have many happy years of washing his dishes ahead of you.

Anyway, just in case Anderson’s word salad was not sufficiently persuasive, she also wore a blanket emblazoned with writing that included the words “free speech”, “gagged” and “Cromwell”. Because, honestly, nothing makes a woman look more credible than writing “Cromwell” on a blanket and then standing outside a prison. Anderson is just the latest in a long and not especially noble line of people who have decided that the best way to express themselves is by writing words on their clothing. Most (in)famously, there was Melania Trump, the wife of the former Wikileaks supporter, US president Donald Trump. Almost exactly a year ago, she decided that the perfect outfit to wear to an immigrant child centre in Texas was a Zara jacket on which the timeless words “I really don’t care, do u?” were written on the back. Truly a political quote to enter the presidential pantheon, alongside: “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.” At the time, Trump’s communications chief insisted “it was just a jacket”, because wearing a $39 high-street army jacket is just so totally the normal style of the first lady. Alas, Melania herself admitted that it wasn’t “just a jacket” four months later when she said the message was “obvious[ly]” not a reference to the children (how we lesser mortals often miss the Trumps’ subtleties!) but was instead directed at “the people and leftwing media who are criticising me. I would prefer they would focus on what I do and my initiatives than what I wear.” Mmm, and how did that work out for you, Melania?

Kids of the 1990s will remember The Great Prince Slave Debate, when Prince wandered around with “SLAVE” written on his cheek in protest against his Warner Bros contract. Dorky 90s kids will also remember that Blur’s Dave Rowntree reacted to this by turning up to the 1995 Brit awards with “DAVE” written on his cheek. This week, Amy Schumer posted a photo of herself about to give birth and looking thoroughly fed up with the whole shebang wearing a T-shirt with the slogan: “I hate Mondays.” Speaking as someone who is about a month behind Schumer, this is one slogan T-shirt I can get behind.