We're not journalists here at Cracked, but thanks to Google and a little something called baseline literacy, we're once again here to bring you the latest in unmitigated horseshit the news has to offer. No need to thank us with offerings of gifts and/or tasteful nude photographs -- all we ask is that the next time you read about the latest teen trend or crazy story from China in your news feed, keep in mind that it might be baloney, just like ...

6 Selfies Aren't Spreading Head Lice

Selfies have popped up in all sorts of dumbass situations lately, but the real horror apparently comes in the last place you'd expect:

businessinsider.com

"It's just like the dick pics crabs outbreak of '09."

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Coming from CBS, Business Insider, CNET, and TIME, the story highlights an expert warning that taking group selfies is causing an epidemic of teenagers' pressed heads passing the little fuckers around. Gross!

But don't shave your tweenager's head just yet, because the "expert" quotes are from an interview with the owner of Nitless Noggins, a small California company that offers delousing by way of a rented "LouseBuster" and zero medical qualifications. According to an actual doctor, there's not only no influx of lice, but also no reason they would spread among teenagers ... or anyone who isn't under 11 years old. So yeah, you're probably fine to smush your manes together for duckface photos (unless you like to break into dubious motel rooms and bury your head under pillows for prolonged amounts of time).