Dear Darren,

Please announce Pity Martinez. I need this. I need to stop wondering if I can go to the gym in fear of missing out on one of your tweets, if I can shower, if I can — for a matter of minutes — take my eyes away from a screen of any type.

Why am I so consumed by this? I know he’s coming. I know he arrived at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport with Atlanta United staffers encircling him like an electron field. But here’s the thing: I help run this website, and we have content to post as soon as we see a tweet from @ATLUTD with Pity’s name on it. It’s basically my job not to miss this news event. So, as you can see, this sick, sick game you’re playing is really affecting my cortisol levels. Not good!

But fine. To be perfectly honest, I get it. Why let a lowly blogger affect your plans? No executive in his right mind would do that, not even Billy McFarland. So instead of listening to my complaints, let’s go back to what Frank de Boer said in his introductory press conference:

“This period, the preseason, is very important for us. [The players] understand that this is so important to the rest of the season. So if you’re not ready in preseason, it’s hard to catch up. This period of five weeks befor the CONCACAF Champions League game is very important for us. We are really focused on that right now.”

“The preseason is very important for us.”

“If you’re not ready in preseason, it’s hard to catch up.”

“This period of five four weeks before the CONCACAF Champions League is very important for us.”

Listen to the manager, Darren. Please announce Pity before it’s too late.

Godspeed.

Joe