I recently attended an event with a black friend of mine. It was a comedic event and the audience happened to be overwhelmingly black. As we were waiting for the comedian to get ready to do his little bit a couple white women walked in. They were having an extremely loud conversation.

One of the women turns to her friend and says “I heard black comedy-goers are criminals”.

“They sure are!” the other adds.

“While some of them might be decent people, their culture is all male and rife with male violence. Their parents even teach them to be criminals!” the woman responds.

Everyone could hear what they were saying and nobody was happy with it. A vast majority of the audience got pretty angry, so they stood up and started to talk at/yell at these two women.

“How dare you say that about all black people!” I heard one guy shout.

“Where do you get off saying that?!” a woman screamed.

“I’m not a guy ….” another woman says.

This went on for a few minutes. It was basically a whole room of people talking at and shouting at these two gals.

“I’m being attacked!” one of the white women yells.

“They are harassing me! the other one added.

Eventually, the comedian got on stage and started his bit. The event was fucking funny. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard in my life! After the stand up was over, everybody left. There was not another mention of these two white women.

My buddy and I went out for a few drinks. I mean, what else are you going to do after a hilarious comedic event? While sitting at the bar the news comes on and, to our surprise, it’s one of the two white women from the earlier event.

“So tell me what happened..” the anchor says.

“It was terrible! All these black dudes attacked me!” she says.

“Why did they attack you?” the anchor asks.

“Because comedy culture hates white women. When you offer an opinion they don’t like they’ll do what we call ‘sealioning’ an… ” she answers.

“Wait, what’s ‘sealioning’?” the anchor interrupts

“Sealioning is when hundreds of black people follow you around, yelling and screaming at you. They follow you to work, to your house, out shopping, all so they can make sure you know how much they hate you for being a white woman.” she answers.

“Why do you think comedy culture hates white women?” he asks.

“Because comedy is all cis black men!” she answers.

“That sounds terrible!” the anchor responds.

“Oh, it is! They bullied us out of an event we paid to attend. We even felt so unsafe that we had to leave our house!” the woman responds.

The next day …

“The hate group that is black culture bullies women from their homes. More at 11!” — HCS News

“Game of Fear: The story behind Black Culture.” — City Magazine

“When Jumping into Black Culture Turns into Fearing For Your Life” — JBC News

“The year of black comedy: The worst of Black Culture gets an event” — Torygon

And that, my friends, is #GamerGate in the “real world”. Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?