Howard Stern had Donald Trump on his radio show numerous times before Trump decided to intrude on our lives like a painful rash that won’t go away — and he allowed the future IMPOTUS to embarrass himself over and over again.

So Stern knows Trump pretty well, and he also knows that Trump is a grade A narcissist and a phony.

But the veteran shock jock still seemed taken aback by Trump’s recent boasting about his coronavirus carnival ratings:

x Ã¢ÂÂPresident Trump is a ratings hit. Since reviving the daily White House briefing Mr. Trump and his coronavirus updates have attracted an average audience of 8.5 million on cable news, roughly the viewership of the season finale of Ã¢ÂÂThe Bachelor.Ã¢ÂÂ Numbers are continuing to rise... — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2020

The Hill:

"Do I pull my hair out of my head when I see my buddy Donald Trump standing there talking about how can people not look at his ratings and his ratings are higher than 'The Bachelor?'" the SiriusXM host said on his eponymous show Tuesday, adding that "the reason his ratings are higher" is "because people are scared shitless." "It's not your incredible reality TV show that you're putting on for the country," Stern said of Trump, who as a New York real estate developer was a frequent guest on his radio show. "It's because we're in crisis and we're tuning in to see what the president has to say. We're looking for leadership, motherf---ers!"

Stern’s tirade came in response to remarks from listeners, who apparently wanted him to go after the pr*sident hammer and tongs.

"You think I'm going to change a 70-something-year-old man who's never been in therapy?" Stern said. "Do you think I'm going to change a man who's never been introspective? First time I met him, he spoke about himself for an hour, didn't ask me one question. I mean, that's Donald. I can't yell at a turtle to run faster."

I have a hard time believing Trump stopped talking about himself after only an hour, but yeah, that sounds like him.

"As far as Donald's concerned, Donald thinks he's the best president there ever was,” Stern continued. "I can honestly tell you that Donald doesn't give one shit about public service."

Well, both of those statements are obvious, but juxtaposed they’re pretty jarring. Trump thinks he’s the best at this job ever, and yet he doesn’t put any serious effort into it because he simply doesn’t care.

Imagine the mental gymnastics you have to go through to hold both those attitudes simultaneously. That is a Cirque du Soleil of bullshit, huh?

If only the media in general — who are now warping space, time, and reality itself in order to pretend Trump is a real president — were as blunt as Stern.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.