Continue Reading Below Advertisement

You may have already spotted a pattern here, and I'm not talking about how this man has the wit of hangover diarrhea. Mirthful Kombat contains only video game jokes, and the only two things the author knows about those are 1) something called Sonic is a hedgehog and 2) the Super Mario Brothers are Italian plumbers. I'm not exaggerating. There are about 250 jokes in this book, and literally none of them are about a third video game. Apes did more research before they invented AIDS than John did before he wrote this book.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Nintendormouse? Moontendo? Was there a single stray thought in this goddamn idiot's head that didn't make the final cut? This book is so vile that blind people somehow know when it's in the room with them. They will look directly at it and hiss.

I can see people using that joke. Maybe as their defense when the prosecuting attorney asks them "What did the deceased say to you before you stomped his mouth into his stupid, shitty brain?" Oh, before we go on ... you should know that John M. Byrne, the man who thought Bing Crosby's Byte Christmas was a complete joke, has written multiple books on how to write comedy. Yeah, I thought that'd get your attention, Satan.