"BJ My Valentine" lets you create a free customized blowjob your significant other can enjoy via an interactive masturbator called the Kiiroo Onyx. You pick from a variety of techniques, such as "Fast Suction" and "Deep Throat," set durations for each one, then arrange them on a timeline. CamSoda then gives you a link to a video to share with your partner. The video syncs with the Onyx, so your partner feels everything in real-time.

BJ My Valentine is part of CamSoda's BlowCast service, where adult performers record themselves performing oral acts on smart dildos. The footage and sensor data are then sold to customers looking for a virtual sexual experience. But, as one Engadget writer found out, that experience can be underwhelming.

"[Sex] with the Onyx isn't all that sexy. In fact, 'sex' with the Onyx is like listening to music while underwater," our own Daniel Cooper said. "You're aware that something's happening, but all you get is a murky echo and a sense of frustration that quickly spirals into boredom. After that, there's very little reason to continue."

This is just further proof that Demolition Man correctly predicted our dystopian touchless-sex future back in 1993.