As with my own experiences, if a guy is telling you that an Asian/black/Indian/Latina/Hispanic or otherwise chick is at the top of his “fuckit” list, he’s probably (he is) fetishizing your race. If he’s only dated a string of WOC from a singular race, he’s probably got a racial fetish. If he calls you exotic, if he says he wishes he were more exotic like you, he’s fetishizing you. If you bring up your struggles as WOC and he doesn’t wanna hear it but does want to watch the latest Japanese anime or try the new Chinese place downtown, he’s got a racial (racist) fetish.

If any or all of these warning signs (or others I didn’t list) come up, spare yourself and don’t date the mofo. I don’t care how cute he is or how good he is in bed, there is someone out there just as cute and good in bed as him, if not better, that will not fetishize you and strip you or your humanity. Even so, if you’ve fallen into the trap of dating fetishist, practice self love and forgive yourself. Pick yourself back up and make sure it doesn’t happen again. If you come across someone who’s set on reducing you to a one-dimensional caricature of your race, call them out on it and leave them in the dust. You don’t need that! Tell yourself and believe that you are more than your body, more than your race and that, as such, you deserve to be treated as such.