This Sunday President Mamnoon Hussain took a U-turn on yesterday’s statement that “Valentine’s Day has no connection with our culture and it should be avoided.”

He made this statement while attending an event commemorating leader Sardar Abdur Rab Nishtar’s death anniversary, which many saw as an odd moment to talk about Valentine’s Day.

Yet, the President persisted, continuing that the drawbacks of western culture had adversely affected one of our neighboring countries.

Also read: Avoiding love on Valentine's Day and other Pakistani stories

Today, however, it appears that the President has had a change of heart.

Addressing a group of journalists outside the flower market in Islamabad’s Blue Area, Hussain said: “I am amazed that flower shops are open this Sunday. I was so sure they would be closed. This is why I said Valentine’s Day should not be celebrated.

“I had forgotten to ask my secretary to get my wife flowers the day before. But now that I can take matters into my own hands, I have decided to retract my statement.”

Making his way through the throng with a bunch of wilted red roses in his hand he added: “In fact, I have issued a directive stating that no price hikes will take place on Valentine’s Day. Some people take advantage of this day by doubling the price of chocolates, of fine dining… look at me, I had to pay Rs 2000 for these flowers! This is unacceptable.”

Also read: Thorny roses on Valentine’s Day

When pressed further, the President revealed: “Yes, I know this is a complete U-turn on my previous statement. But as a leader one must make allowances for sudden changes in the political climate.”

Just a few weeks ago, my wife had said Valentine’s Day was a rubbish holiday. But then, on Saturday, she hinted that she was expecting a gift. I was in a fix! The best thing to do, I thought, was issue a blanket ban on Valentine’s Day and cite morality so I could stay out of the doghouse.

When shown an Instagram feed of various deals and gift offers available this Sunday as well, the President exclaimed: “Get out of my way, you %&@)$^%$. My wife will like these chapals. Take me to Centaurus.”

Editorial: Valentine’s Day

As he climbed into his car, the President vowed also to issue a directive to lift the imposition of Section 144 on SeaView in Karachi for Valentine’s Day.

“I don’t give two hoots about what the youth get up to on Valentine’s Day in Karachi. I only supported this action because Qaim Ali Shah did not feel like taking certain persons to the beach for a romantic evening stroll.”

Disclaimer: This article is categorised as satire.

The article was originally published on Khabaristan Times and has been reproduced here with permission.