Stoner movie: THE BLACK HOLE (1979)

Science fiction action from the 70s… Let me be honest with you. The Black Hole is not a good movie, but maybe it qualifies as a good, bad movie?

The storyline is actually cool, the acting quite good and the special effects look amazing. But why would people in the future develop robots with such obnoxious personalities? God damn it, that cocky motherfucker robot (Vincent) drives me nuts, attempting humorous reliefs all the fucking time. You are a robot! Shut the fuck up for a minute! Ha ha! No, but the talking androids is a lame Star Wars imitation though.

Turns out the future, as depicted in The Black Hole, looks just like the past does in Star Wars… Kind of 70s kitch space ships and ray guns. Cool!

A spaceship from Earth on a scientific mission stumples upon a lost ship somewhere in deep space. This spaceship, a giant vessel made to hold a large crew, has been missing for a long time and seems abandonded at first. However, the crew discovers that there are actually survivors.

They find that the Captain, an exentric who looks just like Charlton Heston in the film The Ten Commandments (as Moses), deliberately made it seem like his ship was lost. He disobeyed orders to return to Earth, because of a “greater mission”.

Picture: The space captain… No, wait. This is Charlton Heston as Moses.

Okay, so here’s the Captain’s genious plan: He wants to let his spaceship suck into a black hole, to obtain knowledge about a universe without space and time as we know it and, perhaps, immortality. Good luck, dude!

Problem is, he killed his whole crew to make humanoids (half-human, half-robots) out of them. Slaves. Oh yeah, and he kidnaps the Earth crew too.

Eventually everybody is sucked into the black hole. Awesooooome! This is so great. Like the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Totally weird and psychedelic. I dig it. So will you. You’ll need to be high though.

Lesson learned… Black holes kick the asses of space and time.