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I didn’t see it coming.

Maybe it was the fact that it’s rarely discussed, or the fact that when it is, it’s about the mothers.

But when my daughter was born, after years of waiting, I didn’t feel a thing.

Maybe it was the visiting that kick-started it. Having people come in and take your baby off you, even if it’s out of a place of kindness, probably didn’t help.

But I didn’t even notice at the time, with everything going on, I didn’t get chance to process anything.

It took a few weeks for it to really sink in. But I was depressed. I’ve been here before, I know how this feels, but never had I imagined I’d feel this way about my own daughter.

It was incredibly hard to admit, but I hated her.

I was jealous of her, I was resentful, then I felt guilty, but overall I felt that my life had been ruined.

If someone offered to take her away, I would have gladly accepted.

This lasted a couple of months. But luckily for me, if you can call it luck, I’ve battled on and off with depression for years, and I know that I can find ways to help ease it. So that’s what I did with Isabelle.

I found ways to cope. I knew it would take time – I had no choice but to try.

I did all that I could. I changed her, bathed her, played with her, I even let her sleep on me, but still I felt nothing.

When I went back to work, I felt myself gradually get better. I had time to think about things and not feel like she was constantly demanding from me.

Having that break, as lucky as I was to be able to actually have them, did help.

It’s incredibly hard to love someone that takes so much from you without a thought of anything in return.

The only problem is, you’re not supposed to think that way. You’re supposed to love them no matter what.

You’re not supposed to tell someone that you don’t even like your baby, let alone love them. But my partner stood by me.

She knew I couldn’t help it, and supported me the entire way through. Without her, I would probably still be in a bad place.

Then she started to give back. When we first went away with her, she smiled for the very first time. And I felt a feeling start to grow. It wasn’t big, but it was there.

We had found something that worked. Going away with Isabelle and taking myself from all the distractions of being home really helped.

But it’s hard. You have to learn to love them. It’s not always an instant thing, much like any relationship we have, it takes time and work to make things great.

What I have now with Isabelle is amazing. It didn’t come easy, but it did come eventually.

And just knowing that there are people out there willing and able to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for it, this depression isn’t you, and it’s okay to admit that you’re not coping.

Talking about this made me feel a lot better too. Putting everything out there through something like this helped me process it all.

All I can say is that it will get better. I can’t tell you when, but there will come a time when you feel it, you just have to keep fighting for it.

For more of Ross' blog posts and videos go to www.isablog.co.uk

How can men combat postnatal depression?

Dr Gareth Oelmann, a member of General Practitioners Committee (GPC) Wales, gives his expert advice

Postnatal depression in new mothers is well recognised but postnatal depression in men is less well understood.

Only recently has research looked at paternal perinatal psychiatric disorders, and public recognition has been slow to follow.

Postnatal depression (PND) is a form of depression that can affect either parent, mums and dads, in the first year of their baby’s life.

It is estimated that 10% of new mums will suffer from PND and it is now also recognised that PND can be experienced by dads.

It is sometimes called paternal depression.

The symptoms of PND among dads can be similar to those found among new mums experiencing depression.

These can include:

Feeling low in mood.

Tiredness and lethargy, not wanting to do anything or take an interest in the outside world.

Loss of appetite or comfort eating

Tearfulness and crying

Having difficulty sleeping: either not getting to sleep, waking early, or having nightmares

Difficulty in concentrating or making decisions

Feelings of guilt about not coping, or about not loving your baby enough

Being unusually irritable

Having anxiety or panic attacks

Experiencing physical symptoms, such as headaches or abdominal pain

Having obsessive and irrational thoughts about baby’s health or disturbing thoughts about harming themselves or their baby

Having thoughts about death

The following advice might be useful to support dads who think they might be suffering from post-natal depression:

Seek support

Share your thoughts and feelings with people you trust. This could be family or friends, a health professional or a counsellor

Make time for yourself by continuing your involvement in hobbies, exercise, or social activities

Spend time doing simple things with your baby, like bathing them, changing their nappy or just get down on the floor and play

Take some exercise each day, like a walk with the pram

It’s also important to avoid negative coping strategies, such as drinking too much or working too hard and staying away from home

If you’ve tried to help yourself but you still have concerns about your own or your partner’s mental health, it’s best to seek help from your GP.

There are a number of approaches for treating PND which include:

Counselling and therapy

Medication

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

Peer support groups

Here is more information in postnatal depression

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Here are some useful online resources available for new parents such as the National Childbirth Trust (www.nct.org.uk/parenting/dads-view-parenting) with plenty of support and advice tips.