Despite being a well behaved student during junior high school - I never even received a detention - within two months of starting high school I was kicked out. I entered freshman year in a very fragile state, experiencing my first psychiatric hospitalization just a month and a half before. Suddenly, I was under the care of a psychiatrist and a psychologist who had completely contradicting views on my treatment. Also - unbeknownst to anyone at the time - I was misdiagnosed and no where near properly medicated. In order to give me a new start, my psychiatrist arranged for me to attend the high school on the opposite side of the district from where I lived. That new start turned out to be a disaster though.

My mom and I attempted to talk to the administration and school counselor about what was going on with me when I went to register for classes but we got very dismissive responses. I began freshman year thinking that maybe things would end up working out - but I don't think that fantasy lasted even one full week. The medication I was on made me want to sleep 24/7, not to mention that I'd have horrendous panic attacks each morning over going to school. Usually by lunch time, my anxiety would be so bad that I'd call home - screaming, crying, and begging to be picked up. In the time I attended the school, I made it to the last two classes on my schedule maybe only three of four times! During the hours I managed to be in the building, I often had to go to the nurse's office and lay down. My medicine made me so sleepy I couldn't walk straight sometimes. Other times, I'd be in the counselor's office due to anxiety attacks. Basically, even when in at school I wasn't in class 90% of the time.

During this time, I made the mistake of disclosing to the school counselor and nurse about my issues with self injuries. Suddenly, I was viewed as dangerous by the counselor - and by the school's administration once she told them. Instead of speaking with me when I came to her office seeking help, the counselor began to ply me with candy to go away. At one point, she promised to write a note to all of my teachers explaining the difficulties I was having due to medication side effects and anxiety - it never materialized. Soon, it felt like I was in constant trouble for being in emotional distress.

One day, I had self injured pretty badly the night before. Half way through the school day - the injuries began to bleed and started to soak through my clothes. I went to the nurse's office and told them what was going on. It was decided right away I was to be sent home, but my mom wasn't going to be able to get me for at least an hour due to a bad accident that had the highway shut down. While waiting, I was sent with an escort to get my things and then to stop at the counselor's office. The counselor told me she had to speak with my mom when she arrive, and I asked to please be included in the conversation. She said that was fine and I went back to the nurse's office to lay down.

It wasn't but a few minutes after that when an assistant principal showed up in the nurse's office. I knew the second he walked in that he was there for me. Without an ounce of sympathy he told me I was being expelled because I was a danger to other students in the school. If I set foot on school property ever again - I'd be arrested and put in jail, simple as that. I didn't know that in order to really expel a student it required much more than a conversation with a student as they are waiting to be picked up...there had to be meetings and a hearing in front of the superintendent. Also, the student's parents had to be informed... It wasn't until years later that I found out my parents were never told I was expelled. The assistant principal simply told me I was in order to get me to leave the school.

When my mom arrived she told me to grab my things so we could leave. The school counselor had already spoken to her, not keeping her word about me being included. I never found out the exact things said but from what I know there was no sympathy for the mental illness I was struggling with. I was portrayed as a misbehaving child who was seeking attention and nothing more. I spent the next month receiving twice a week tutoring in math and english from special education teachers, before we found an alternative school where I would remain for the rest of high school.

» http://pixabay.com/en/classroom-school-learn-student-435227/ by shannonmatthew