CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Local construction worker, Kyler Tripp (22), has marvelled his boss and coworkers today with his apparent immunity to the effects that excessive caffeine can have on the body.

The part-time Aussie hip hop bedroom rapper, full-time carpentry apprentice appears to be unable to power through past midday without looking like he needs to have a nap.

Even with two full 500 millilitre cans of V energy drink swishing around inside him, Kyler just flat seems to run out of steam after a couple hours on the broom.

The fact that he doesn’t even seem to be hungover is also just as puzzling, considering every other bloke he is working with is, every day.

While Kyler is still at that age where he thinks coffee ‘tastes like shit’ – he’s still running on roughly 500% more guava and caffiene than anyone else on site – except for maybe the Damien, the ice junkie landscaper.

It is not yet known what is causing Kyler to be so lethargic. It could be the fact that he probably has contracted glandular fever from pashing random chicks in night clubs every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night for three years.

Or it could be the fact that he doesn’t get to sleep until 2am every night due to his obsessive bingeing of Joe Rogan podcasts.

However, what is known is that he’s fucken shithouse at hanging doors anytime after the smoko van arrives with his deep-fried kabana stick and deep-fried pork ribs, every day.

At time of press, Kyler was seen treating himself to the smooth texture of a 1.5 litre carton of iced coffee. A possible explanation for the fact that he hasn’t taken a solid shit since Schoolies Week.