Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman’s own lawyer on Thursday made fun of his own client’s diminutive stature in an effort to defend the drug lord in court.

“That 60-year-old man who’s this big is whacking people with a tree branch for three hours?” scoffed attorney Jeffrey Lichtman during his closing statement in Chapo’s Brooklyn federal court trial — holding his hand just above his hip.

His quip was a reference to earlier testimony from Guzman’s former bodyguard, Isaias Valdez Rios, who claimed the drug lord once belted a captive from a rival cartel with a stick for hours before killing him.

Guzman’s defense team contends that the notorious 5-foot-6-inch cocaine smuggler — whose nickname means “shorty” — is being framed as the leader of the powerful Sinaloa Cartel to protect its real boss, Ismael “El Mayo” Zambada.

Lichtman mocked Valdez’s testimony that Guzman tortured captives across several days — including locking a badly burned man in a hen house for days — before gunning them down in cold blood, saying it sounded like something a cartoon villain would do.

“It’s like when I would watch Batman as a kid, and the Joker and Penguin, they would come up with all of these ways to kill Batman. But why didn’t they just shoot him?” Lichtman said.

He also took aim at a video the prosecution had said showed Guzman interrogating a man chained to a pole — ridiculing an FBI agent witness for IDing the defendant in the clip based on his mustache and hat.

Lichtman put up a slide of a floating hat and mustache on a black screen, and said snarkily, “Oh my god, it’s Chapo Guzman right there!”

The attorney then switched to a slide of Zambada sporting a cap and facial hair — saying, “Whoops!” — before concluding that the person in the video “could have been the Frito Bandito” and the agent “would’ve blamed it on Mr. Guzman.”

Lichtman also used slides to continue his argument from earlier Thursday morning that the cooperating witnesses who testified against Chapo were lying to get their own sentences reduced, putting up one reading “What do all the cooperators have in common?” — alongside an image of a Monopoly “Get out of jail free” card.

He displayed an image of cooperating witness Juan Carlos Ramirez — a Colombian cocaine lord who underwent extreme plastic surgery in a failed attempt to avoid arrest.

“That’s what a real drug kingpin looks like. This dude is scary,” said Lichtman, before detailing every one of Ramirez’s identity-obscuring surgeries.

“This guy, you’re changing your underwear and he’s killing these people,” he said of Ramirez, who testified that he’d ordered at least 150 killings prior to his 2007 arrest.

In a dramatic flourish, Lichtman ended his closing statement on the verge of tears, begging the jurors to “look past the name El Chapo” and acquit his client.

In a brief response afterward, Department of Justice attorney Amanda Liskamm acknowledged the prosecution’s turncoat witnesses are “bad” people, but said it was preposterous that they’d all come together just to “defame” Chapo.

“The day cocaine conspiracies are made in heaven, the U.S. government can call angels as witnesses,” she said.