WASHINGTON—Trying to help out by offering an alternative choice amid controversy over current pick Ronny Jackson, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump pleaded with their father to nominate the G.I. Joe action figure Cobra Commander for secretary of veterans affairs. “He’s a good, strong leader just like you, Dad, and he’s got a laser pistol in case he needs to shoot some sense into your enemies at the Apartment of Veteran Fairs [sic],” said Eric Trump, adding that if Cobra’s friend Destro were brought on as an aide, he could help out by using missiles to blow up any undesirable policies they might encounter. “Please make Cobra Commander in charge—he’ll be the bestest, powerfullest VA secretary of all time! We promise he won’t leak nothing! Please? Please, Dad?” Reports confirmed the brothers went on to stress that President Trump should take action quickly before Duke and his buddy Rip Cord team up with U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

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