If you haven’t had enough of the argument over the “nature vs. nurture” crap, feel free to throw this into the mix. Personally I think it’s a pile of bullshit opinion comparable to a can of nuts, bolts, washers and screws. They all look worthwhile and if you dig long enough you might find the right size or the right fit, that’s why you will never throw them out, you just never know and they’re shiny.

I’d like to direct this to all the piece of shit, knuckle dragging, dick wagging, perpetrating, objectifying, wife battering, rapist men out there. For those that are unsure…take a number and wait till you’re called. It’s time for some sensitivity training. That’s right dude, and we are going to take a shortcut here so that you can feel the power of your sensitivity immediately.

For this exercise you will need a toy car, a toy truck, a doll, an elastic band, handcuffs, two pocket size rocks, (marbles will do), a worm and a glass of water. Hurry up we’re waiting.

Now take the two pocket size rocks (marbles will do) and put them into one of your pockets, right to the bottom, no cheating. Now this part is important so pay attention. Make sure you have enough room for this. Spin around three times as fast as you can, this will induce a state of attention deficit disorder. If you fall down or stumble, good job, you’ve achieved attention deficit hyperactive disorder.

WARNING: make sure no one is watching, or you might find yourself medicated. Remember it’s a sensitivity simulation. Spectators will be confused.

Once you achieve a reasonable state of “who gives a shit” you’re ready to move on with the exercise. Pick up the worm and give it a name. Now I don’t want to introduce any cultural bias here, you’re not trying to impress anyone but the worm. If this kind of multi-tasking is a challenge take your left index finger, stick it in your nose and wiggle it around. Now you know why you shouldn’t stick a worm in your nose, its physics and it feels weird. Now put the worm in your pocket, that’s right the same pocket as the rocks (marbles will do). Why? Because rocks come from the ground and so do worms.They’re friends.

Here’s where we move on to the self-empowerment portion of this sensitivity simulation. Take the truck and sputter just like an engine. If it sounds more like a motorcycle either you’re cheating or you have dry mouth. This is where you get to use the water. However, if you are in fact cheating you’re only cheating yourself. Once you drink the water begin sputtering like an engine again. Remember achieving the right sound is not nearly as important as spitting all over your face and the floor. Now take the car and place it on the floor within arm’s reach. Rev up the engine in the truck, sputter counts, the more the better. You can’t have a good accident without a slippery surface so if you need an extra moment to sputter take it. Now slam that fucking truck right into that car and mean it.

This is the moment of male ecstasy, the absolute expression of the force and nature of an overwhelming patriarchy. It is the infusion of godlike omniscience and the ultimate oppression and subjugation of car, truck, saliva and floor. The boy becomes man and the man becomes God. Of course the worm becomes paste. It is at this point we end the simulation, directing you to wipe the spit off your face, reach into to your pocket. Yes the one with the rocks (marbles will do). Telling us exactly how you feel, yes now, we want to know, give us the depth of your sensitivity, we ARE READY FOR IT!!!!

If you responded with green Jell-O, remove your hand from your pocket, the one with the rocks (marbles will do) and go get some from the refrigerator, good job. Now we move on to the next simulation.

Take the elastic band and grabbing some of your hair create a pig tail; don’t worry about symmetry or location the object here is to be introduced to the word pig. Now pick up the doll and in a wholly nurturing fashion begin to project your emotional immaturity in a soft, subtle and coercive tone. Remember that you speak for the doll and it can’t possibly experience or feel anything that you have not interpreted and assigned to it.

Try to project a meaningful dialogue with the doll. It is your responsibility to speak for the doll and to express the emotional insight and experience that the doll should be engaged in. If at this point you find that the doll is unwilling or uncooperative you may need to resort to shaming, verbal abuse or even corporal punishment.

WARNING: make sure no one is watching, or you might have to blame the doll. Remember it’s a sensitivity simulation. Spectators can’t possibly empathize with your narcissism.

Continue to objectify the doll while convincing yourself that it’s all about you and your feelings. You may find it helpful to use either, the princess, the mother or the marriage narrative. Using all three at the same time does qualify as multi-tasking so don’t be afraid to challenge that doll. It should be relatively simple to compete emotionally with a lump of plastic, so don’t give up until the doll achieves a complete understanding of your state of oppressed victimization. Once you have subjugated yourself, and again you need only convince yourself and only you know for sure, you have achieved the purpose of the simulation. You are now sensitized, and narcissistically self-absorbed.

Good Job.

Yeah, nature or nurture, tough question. Which to go with, trucks or dolls? Hmmmm!

With my vast experience at breathing and flushing toilets, I’m left to conclude that rather than argue over the two, nature or nurture it might just be safer to try and make them work together. It’s frugal and cost effective, besides what if I throw one of them out and I’m wrong.

I’ve decided that the route to take with my kids is to nurture their nature.

It strikes me that “nature” speaks to the individual, while “nurture” speaks for a community. If we cannot nurture the nature of an individual, how long before the individual becomes a pathology of self- loathing, against their own nature and against the community. It is curious that we now see crime as a nurtured outcome and grant innocence to the individual, by gender.

You may be wondering why the handcuffs are left over that’s for a very special simulation that needs to take place between every father and son. It’s called cops and perpetrators. No doubt, Dad already knows the rules and how to play. It’s time to nurture his assigned nature.

As a closing chill to this little exercise of sensitivity consider the similarity of a woman parenting an infant. Watch closely the behaviors that mirror doll play, the objectification of the experience, how well the mother (doll goddess) is controlling the outcome as compared to the experience of the infant. Observation will reveal that nurturing is nurtured convenience. The infant does not really exist, only the mothers experience defines the infant’s presence. Munchausen by proxy is not a behavioral anomaly, it resides in every maternal relationship, only the extent to which the expression is acknowledged, defines it.

Very many men, raised by single mothers, know the truth all too well. They know the years of her suffering and sacrifice. They know because she tells them.

In fact she tells everyone.