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What If a Man Died, and No One Cared?

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Submitted by Teephphah at 2005-02-02 14:27:47 ESTRating: 1.9 on 88 ratings (88 reviews) ( Review this item ) ( V There was a guy who worked here, Paul was his name. He worked just down the hall from me. He was a pretty quiet guy. Didn’t talk much to most people. When I passed him in the hallway, or happened to be coming in a door that he was going out, I was always met with the same remark.“Hey, there he is.” Paul would say.Every day this happened at some point, and always the same phrase. At first I was mildly impressed with this little quasi-acknowledgement. Not only did it remind me a bit of Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery (“There you are!” “Do I know you?” “No, but that’s where you are, you’re THERE! Yeah!”) but it was also an expression I hadn’t really ever heard anyone else ever use.But really, that was the only thing Paul ever said to me. Maybe that was because I was a “new guy,” I didn’t have the decades of experience he did working here. I’d hear him come to talk to the lady in the office next to me at least once a week, though.I’d hear them discuss whatever book Paul was reading, or whatever movies he had rented that weekend. He never seemed to quite “get” the humor in a movie like Napoleon Dynamite, or Dodge ball, but nevertheless, he was a dedicated video renter. So I got to listen to him tell the lady in the office next to mine about all the movies he didn’t quite get.His taste in books seemed favor the historical. Right now, nothing he ever mentioned reading is tripping any mental triggers for me, so I can’t provide any character details there. But from what I can tell, he’d read the new best sellers, the DaVinci Codes, or whatever came out, but he would always end up comparing them to the real history he preferred.Paul was a life-long bachelor. At first I thought that this screamed “ghey, ghey, GHEY!” but as time went on, and I heard him talk about the actresses in whichever he had watched the preceding weekend, I began to doubt that instinct a little.I suppose I’ll never have the chance to get to the bottom of that little mystery.Paul died sometime between last Friday and yesterday.He didn’t come in to work on Monday, and he didn’t call in to say that he was sick. When he didn’t come in to work on Tuesday either, his boss asked one of Paul’s co-workers to go to his apartment and check in on him.Joe, the co-worker, went to Paul’s apartment and got the Super to let him in.They found Paul facedown in the toilet.We found out today that Paul had had an Aortic Aneurysm. Men over the age of 50 who have EVER smoked at all should be checked for them. Once they rupture, most people don’t make it to the emergency room.So, I’m sitting here, thinking about Paul, thinking about “there he is” and history books. Thinking about how it must have felt to have a major artery rupture behind your stomach, and what? Think you had to suddenly puke or something? I don’t know.What would it have been like to kneel there before the stool as the lights went out?Did he know what was coming? Did his life flash before his eyes? Did he regret the life he had lived? Did he spend all of his 63 years waiting for his life to begin? Or, was he happy with the life he had crafted for himself? Was it exactly what he had always wanted?I don’t know. And no one around here does. It turns out that Paul really had no friends, and no family nearby. He had one sister somewhere back East. He hadn’t spoken to her in ten years.I spoke with the lady in the office next to me about it today. I chose not to yesterday because she seemed really broken up about the whole thing. She said that it was really sad to her, because Paul was set to retire in about three months. She said that it was the first thing she had ever heard him really excited about. But she also confessed that she thought part of the reason she was taking this so hard, was because there was no one else to do it. There was no one else to grieve for Paul.Paul was an invisible man. A ghost. It is almost like he never existed at all.And that scares the shit out of me.Not the ghosts thing, but just concept of a life so . . . wasted. I know, maybe Paul didn’t feel that way. Maybe he really did always want to die alone. I can’t say, and I can’t judge if he did, but I can’t fathom anyone wanting that.So, I’m not going to let him go silently into that goodnight without some sort of tribute, some sort of recognition.Well, here you go Paul. This is for you. It isn’t much, but at least it is something.I’m sorry we didn’t have the chance to talk more. I’m sorry I didn’t make more of an effort.I’m sorry you had to go before you got the chance to retire, but I hope that all your dreams weren’t pinned on that potential future day. I hope you had some happiness while you were here. I hope you enjoyed the ride while you were on it.