(*Author’s note: this is intended to be a recurring, spiteful, vitriolic, and — above all else — hateful take on Nebraska’s upcoming opponent for the week.)

1. I hate the fact that you have the single most boring state outline in America and I hate the fact that you got this shape after basically being the pre-circumcision tip of Kansas’ territorial dong back in the day. So congrats, you now-square, foreskin of the Jayhawks on somehow looking incredibly boring on paper even though you’re the opposite in real life.