My Secret Santa sent me an umbrella with a handle that vaguely resembles the hilt of a sword, because he thinks that's what "authentic samurai armor or weapons" means. He also sent me a plastic ruler via an unnecessarily large cardboard box, which is not only useless to me as both a musician and someone who, like most people in a first world country, has owned a ruler since grade school but also offensive to me as an environmentalist. But I will forgive him for all the above offenses because he is clearly suffering from some sort of degenerative mental disease.