As L turned four something fundamental changed in our relationship. I was no longer the Golden Parent and I started having to work harder to connect with my daughter. As she starts having her own damn opinion about things (a frustrating fact of life is that your kids won’t share your opinion of things forever) it becomes harder and harder to find things to connect on. Eventually this will (hopefully) even out when my years of careful sub (and super) liminal suggestion lead her to enjoy working on cars, riding bicycles too fast and climbing up rock walls for what really amounts to no good reason.

But in the meantime I still have to work at this whole parenting thing. And that’s what led to an impromptu glow stick dance party in a pitch black Brooklyn apartment while waiting for Thai food so we could sit down and watch The Princess and The Frog. Because I uttered seven magic words:

My living room last weekend

What do you want to do tonight?

Giving her the opportunity to suggest the evening’s activities ended up with some of the most fun that we’ve spent together in the last six months. Did we learn anything? No. Did we do anything productive? No. Did we end up on the floor in a pile of giggles? Yes. Both of us giggled for a solid five minutes after the dance party and well into Thai food (L has a deep love for Summer Rolls). And yes, I giggle. I do two things like a little girl — I shriek when someone sneaks up on me and I dissolve into a giggle fit on occasion.

So remember to have some damn fun. Yes, your kid is becoming more of a person and probably starting to push your buttons more than you’d like. And yes, your parents are most likely right and you’re probably getting just what you deserve. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t just completely let down your guard and have some fun every now and then. Because I’m betting that’s what she’ll remember later in life. Although probably not in nine years when she’s thirteen and all of this happens again.