WOODBRIDGE – The York Region District School Board was shocked and appalled to hear that one of their trustees used the n-word in a public response to a black mother. That was, until they heard it was 82 year old Nancy Elgie, who shares more than a passing resemblance to a female version of Clint Eastwood from Gran Torino.

Parents from Elgie’s diverse district have been suspicious for years that she looks like the woman who “don’t take too kindly” in every piece of Southern Gothic literature. But after using the most offensive racial epithet imaginable towards a woman who was trying to get answers about her own childrens’ discrimination, their fears were confirmed.

“It’s horrifying to hear such hurtful language, especially from our elected officials,” explained fellow York trustee James Hogan. “But are you really that surprised it came out of the mouth of a woman who looks like Paula Deen’s mom? Frankly, I’m surprised it hadn’t happened earlier in her tenure.”

Elgie, taking a break from writing her Soldiers of Odin newsletter, apologized for the incident. In an email to the target of her racial abuse Charline Grant, the somehow still-employed Elgie, who many insist looks like she was around for the first ever use of the word, claims she “never meant to say the thing that my brain thought out loud. I’ll try harder next time to keep my terrible thoughts to myself, my family, and my co-workers.”

When reached for comment about it’s long history of accusations of systemic racism in their ranks, a representative from the York Region District School Board assured parents they were working on a solution. “We plan to apply the same techniques we used to completely eliminate bullying in the school yard.”