President Donald Trump has been hospitalised after he choked himself out in an attempt to grab himself by his neck pussy after catching sight of his reflection in a White House bathroom.

When he saw the vagina-like shape in the folds of his neck skin, the president instinctively lunged at it. He grabbed himself by the neck pussy so hard that he turned blue and collapsed.

He was found unconscious by a member of his security team and given CPR before being rushed to hospital. Doctors have described his condition as ‘irritatingly alive’.

‘President Trump is in a stable condition. It’s a dark day for this country,’ said Doctor Harry Beaver.

Trump is said to be in good spirits despite the gaffe. He’s already sexually assaulted two nurses and made three overtly racist comments about a night porter.

Reports that Mike Pence has been seen hanging around Trump’s bed whilst wearing leather gloves and holding a pillow are unfounded at this time.