'When I Am President, I Will Take Away Your Guns,' Says Man Who Will Never Be President

U.S.—Beto O'Rourke promised to take away everybody's guns when he is president, though sources have confirmed that O'Rourke will never even get close to being the president.

"When I am president, I will take away your guns," said the man who is as close to the White House as he's ever going to be. "The first day I'm in the Oval Office, I will sign an executive order to buy back everybody's firearms. As I lean back in that Oval Office chair and put my feet up on my desk, I will rest easy knowing that I have done something to make our country a safe place from all violence."

"Man, I can't wait to see how that presidential pen feels signing an unconstitutional executive order," he added wistfully, though he will never know how that feels.

At publishing times, O'Rourke's pro-gun control comments had caused his number of supporters to get cut in half, leaving him with just one.

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