I have a Black father and a white mother. I’m mixed. I’m not a unicorn.

I think there are some misconceptions about who mixed race people are and what function we serve in society. Let’s unpack those.

We’re not the default mediators between cultures.

I feel like this misconception is tied to the fact that our society thinks of mixed race people as “half white, half something else.” Mixed race people who don’t have a “white parent” are largely erased when mixed race people are discussed or represented in media. Being mixed race isn’t limited to being “white and…,” but our society perceives mixed identity that way. My experience is shaped by the fact that I am “white and….,” but I need to stress that my experience, though over-represented, isn’t the experience.

For those of us who are “something else and white,” we are often perceived as mediators between our races. In my own experience, I’ve been seen by some white people as their drive-thru window into Black culture. This goes back to the problem of treating your friends of colour as the spokespeople for their entire race. Because I’m mixed race, I’m seen as Black enough to be responsible for the “mistakes” of Black people but white enough for people to feel comfortable confronting me about it. Whether it’s telling me that the #BlackLivesMatter activists are “protesting the wrong way,” or telling me that Black people need to “stop being in gangs,” people speak to me as if I can (or should) call the entire Black race on the phone and give them a stern talking to. Or they’ll approach me with a question about “why Black people think that [insert stereotypical idea here], and expect me to give me an answer that applies to all Black people while being thorough and satisfactory.

It’s strange how many people have felt comfortable airing their grievances about what they think Black people are doing “wrong” while at the same time telling me that I’m “not really Black,” as if I’m going to say “You know what? You’re right! Those Black folks are so quirky. Good thing I’m in the Black world but not of it! I’ll pass on your message at the next family dinner.” I exist between cultures, but I’m not here to negotiate a “peace treaty” for you.

We’re not proof that racism is over.

Yes, mixed race people exist between cultures. Yes, we are the “products” of interracial relationships. But we are not proof that we live in a post-racial society. (We don’t live in a post-racial society, by the way). I feel like I’ve said it in 3 different posts but I’m going to say it again for emphasis: you can be in a relationship with a person of another race and still have ugly views about people of that race. You can have children who are (or are perceived as) a different race than you and still have racist ideas. Maybe you see your kid as the exception to the rule, because you know them on a personal level and find it harder to paint them with the same stereotypical brush that you paint other racialized people with.

Yes, as a society we no longer outlaw interracial marriage and we don’t spit on mixed couples holding hands in public. We don’t hide our mixed race kids in attics and at distant schools in the countryside anymore. But racism isn’t over just because people of different races sit around the same table at family dinner. Yes, it’s progress that should be celebrated, but it’s premature to point to mixed kids and mixed families as proof that we’ve “made it.”

We’re not “Entry Level” people of colour.

I am Black. I am mixed race, and I am Black. I am not the Black girl who’s exciting enough to date but mixed (read: safe) enough to bring home to your traditional mother. I am not the Black friend who makes it okay for you to use the N word in casual conversation while still being mixed (read: white) enough to fit in seamlessly with your mostly white friend group. I’m not here to fill out your diversity quota numbers while still being mixed (read: light) enough not to rock the boat. I am Black too. (Watch this video if you need something to drive this point home.)

Mixed people are pretty great. I’m happy that I’m mixed race. I’m happy with the friendships and solidarity I’ve been able to build with my mixed race friends. We’re a good bunch. But we’re not here to mediate between worlds, reassure you that racism is over, or be your Ethnic Friend, Light.

The more you know…

-Leah