Many people dread not being able to use their legs – but for one woman, it’s her dream come true.

Chloe Jennings-White suffers from a rare psychological condition known as Body Integrity Identity Disorder. An able-bodied 58-year-old woman, Jennings-White fantasizes about being a paraplegic and wants to undergo spinal surgery to make her legs stop working, The Sun reported.

An overseas doctor agreed to perform the surgery, in which he would cut her sciatic and femoral nerves. But the operation would cost her nearly $25,000.

“I’ll never be able to afford it, but I know I won’t regret it if I ever can, and I don’t know why it upsets people,” Jennings-White told The Sun.

Jennings-White, who currently uses a wheelchair to get around, said she first wanted to be disabled when she was only 4 years old. She had visited her aunt, who had been in an accident and was wearing leg braces.

“I wanted them too,” Jennings-White told The Sun. “I wondered why I wasn’t born needing them, and felt something was wrong with me because I didn’t have them.”

Yearning for paralyzed legs, Jennings-White once purposefully pedaled her bike off a 4-foot stage, landing on her neck, The Sun said. After the incident, she realized she didn’t want to die, she only wanted to damage her legs.

She continued to engage in risky behavior, such as high-risk skiing, playing contact sports and climbing trees.

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