A Chinese man broke his penis after falling off his motorcycle while watching porn, which isn’t even the craziest part of this story. No, the crazy part is that alleged dick fracturer was reportedly a passenger on this motorcycle, which was a taxi, which had a third man riding on it in addition to the driver and masturbator. Suddenly your commute doesn’t seem so bad.

The man had been on the back of the motorcycle in Shanghai with another customer and the driver in front of him when they went over a speed bump. He had been watching pornography on his phone at the time and was unable to keep balance so fell off the back of the vehicle.

I enjoy that a country where you can pile three dudes on the back of a dirtbike and call it a taxi still felt the need to install speed bumps. You know, for safety.

And when he fell, it’s believed that he damaged the tissue around his penis and has suffered erectile dysfunction, reports The Shanghiist. He is now trying to sue the driver for $65,000 (£42,000), according to a TOMO News report. It’s believed he was watching an adult movie at the time of the fall which is why he couldn’t brace himself. [The Daily Mail]

I dunno, man, if I flew off a motorcycle at high speed, I’d think my involuntary reaction would be to drop the phone and immediately put my palms out in front of me. Never underestimate the power of a masturbation-induced fugue state, I guess.

As for whether you can “break” your dick, it’s not like fracturing a bone, but it is possible to crush or tear the erectile tissue so badly that gets crooked. I heard Dennis Rodman talk about it happening to him on Howard Stern once. So the broken-dick part is actually the least fishy sounding part of this story. He was suing the cab company? Really? China barely protects copyright holders, I doubt its courts are too concerned about safeguarding its taxi customers’ right to bare dicks.