EU OFFICIALS say if Britain does not have a Brexit plan they can offer one titled ‘F**k Off’.

The plan, which has been worked on by all 26 EU states, details exactly how, why and when Britain can leave the European Union and even what it can do with itself afterwards.

European Council president Charles Michel said: “When Boris Johnson presented his Brexit plan that ignored all commitments of the previous Brexit plan, we were inspired to create this.

“Fuck Off is a comprehensive plan, with clear instructions in 24 official languages and a few colourful regional dialects, which should leave the UK in no doubt about where it can go next.

“It minimises any economic impact – to the rest of us – while increasing the benefits of free movement within the EU by making sure the Brits do not have any.

“The UK should follow this plan absolutely to the letter, ideally while ensuring the door does not hit their arse on the way out.”