Jeff "Jeffy" Allen is a big league pick-up artist instructor who has published multiple books and DVDs on the craft of treating women like shiny gold coins in a video game. He's also the owner of San Francisco's well-known "Freedom Van," which he calls his "rape van," and a pathetically avid OkCupid troll. Please stay far, far away from him.

Last August, Amanda, a 26-year old marketing manager for a software company based in San Francisco, received an message on OKCupid from Captain_Derp. His initial missive was obnoxiously twee — "Um. Hi. Anyways, I feel you appear attractive and consequently would like to explore the possibility of enhancing your life by means of exposure to my awesomeness kthxbai" — but she was curious about a photo on his profile, captioned: "Consensual Sex in the Missionary Position For the Sole Purpose of Reproduction Van. I painted it myself."


That's a van many SF residents have seen parked around the Mission District, notable for its "2 Pac R.I.P FOreva" and "Freedomn is not Free" signs. Local blog Mission Mission wrote about it this week, asking "Why isn't everyone talking about the 9/11 Tupac Freedomn van?" Amanda was likewise intrigued.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not usually attracted to explicit douche bags but I immediately felt refreshed after scanning hundreds of profiles depicting young startup professionals that are just 'enjoying our beautiful city' and love to cook, travel, and rock climb," Amanda wrote on her Facebook wall. "Every motherfucker on okcupid rock climbs. So I wrote back and let him know that if that was in fact his van, I would go on a date with him. His response was that he was busy promoting his clothing line in vegas and I should text him. Note: all of his t-shirts say "beast mode" on them. At this point I figured I would probably be better off not meeting him and it was only later when he reached out again that I decided, fuck it, YOLO!"


Captain_Derp asked her to meet him at a tapas bar, but the morning of their date she had a change of heart, and messaged him to say as much:


In response, he wrote, "Why am I not surprised. Eat a bag of dicks" and "Also, I guarantee your date with me would be far more horrifying than these last two amateurs you went out with. I drive a fucking RAPE VAN. Ps you're fat." Lovely.

When Amanda posted about her experience on Facebook, she realized she wasn't the only woman to be drawn in by Captain_Derp — her friends quickly told her that his real identity is Jeff "Jeffy" Allen, a prominent pick-up artist who has been teaching live dating boot camps since 2003 — he works for Real Social Dynamics, Tyler Durden's company — and has released DVDs and books.


In Get Laid or Die Trying: The Field Reports he's described as such:

The undisputed king of the field report was a player named "jlaix." This was the handle of Jeff Allen, who would go on to be a founding member of Real Social Dynamics with Tyler Durden and Papa, all of whom play major roles in Neil Strauss's The Game, the bestselling exposÉ of the world of pickup artists. In an arena founded on one-upmanship, Jeff Allen did it bigger and better than anyone. Get Laid or Die Trying presents in utterly shameless, hilarious, and graphic detail, Jeffy's gritty, 100 percent real, and jaw-droppingly astonishing feats of seduction...


His fans apparently love him not only for his tips on "Attracting the girl you want by sleeping with all of her friends" and "Convincing a girl you just met that before you fuck her, she must mow your lawn" but for his character. "...i think a lot of what Jeffy / RSD do is great," wrote one Amazon reviewer. "They not only help guys become good with women, but also help develop your confidence and character with out scripts or canned lines." A DVD reviewer stresses how his systems "help you create a weird, synergistic effect that helps not only your love life, but all other areas too."

So the ideal pick-up artist develops his confidence by bragging about his "rape van" and calling women who reject him fat? Amanda's not the only woman in her social circle who interacted with Allen online; he asked one of her friends to meet him at the same tapas bar a few years back and "wear something sexy." When she declined, he called her a bitch and was so proud of the exchange that he posted it on his Facebook:

text exchange w woman after setting up date:

Me: wear something hot. so we match.

her: what makes you think im inclined to dress hot for strangers

me: actually, forget it, never mind... you sound like a pain in the ass DELETED

Is it wishful thinking to hope that maybe some potential PUAs-in-training will stay away from Allen if they know the extent of his ridiculous dickitude? Probably. (Sigh.) But hey, San Franciscans: watch out for this van. We're not suggesting you egg it or anything, but, you know, we're not suggesting you don't, either.