As churches around Australia celebrate their first Sunday mass since Pell’s conviction, many parishioners say they are feeling angry and betrayed

Despite saying he could not comment “too much” on the conviction of Cardinal George Pell for child sexual abuse, with the matter filed for appeal, the archbishop of Sydney, Anthony Fisher, nonetheless urged parishioners not to be “too quick to judge” the disgraced prelate.

“If we are too quick to judge we can end up joining the demonisers or the apologists, those baying for blood or those in denial,” he said as he delivered Sunday mass at St Mary’s cathedral. “Our readings remind us that things are not always what they seem; that we must look beneath the surface and allow truth and justice to unfold in God’s good time.”

Pell, the one-time financial controller of the Vatican and confidant to Pope Francis,was found guilty of one count of sexual penetration of a child and four counts of an indecent act with a child. Many Catholics have been left reeling since the news broke on Tuesday and feeling torn as they attended mass around the country.

“It would have been reasonable to stay at home,” Father Andrew Hayes told congregants as he presided over mass at St Mary’s parish in Ararat, a small town 200km west of Melbourne.

“I am also ashamed and embarrassed.”

Ararat is less than 100km from Ballarat, where Pell was born and later became a parish priest. The towns of Ararat and Ballarat have for decades been grappling with the impact of the notorious paedophile priests who once wreaked harm there. While the Vatican and prominent Australian Catholics have avoided making comment on Pell’s guilt, saying they are awaiting the appeal process, Hayes told parishioners: “The church shouldn’t look like an angry bull, to be stared down. The church should look like Jesus.”

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Hayes was upfront in confronting the imprisonment of Pell. “This week as we begin mass our Cardinal is in jail, having been found guilty of disgraceful offences against children,” Hayes said.

“I am so sorry for what this church has done to you. I am sorry for the abuse by clergy, the lifetimes of torment and the loss of life.”

His words may have been of some comfort to Catholics who are victims of abuse, who know people who are, and who are struggling to reconcile their faith with the historical and ongoing failures of the church and its hierarchy to children.

Alison Page is one such parishioner who was hurting in the wake of the Pell scandal. She describes herself as a cultural Catholic. She attended mass in a Sydney diocese on Sunday, she said, “very reluctantly and still feeling somewhat nauseous”.

“I only attended as I was rostered to take children’s liturgy,” she told Guardian Australia. “I am also a lawyer and child protection investigator having done a lot of work in this area. I feel appalled personally and professionally by what I have learned this week about the Pell case.

“Particularly as this will continue to divide opinions until the appeal is heard.”

The parish priest addressed the issue in his sermon, she said, noting the church had made mistakes and now needed to focus on and pray for victims. But Page said she had long been sceptical of the church hierarchy and felt it had failed to deal with abuse so far in a way that addressed “the gut-wrenching disappointment, sadness and anger of many of the congregation”.

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She would continue to attend mass, she said, for family and community reasons.

“I am a believer in the teachings of the Gospel and my relationship with God is deeply personal – I have never let the Church’s doctrines interfere with this relationship,” she said. “However, I am not a blind devotee to the church hierarchy and power structure – for this reason, have never been confirmed – I don’t think this makes me any less of a Christian.”

The New South Wales Labor senator Kristina Keneally, who is a scholar of theology and a Catholic, said of the Pell verdict: “I am really struggling with this, and I find keeping my faith in God sometimes [is] a day by day proposition.”

Like Page, she told Sky News on Sunday that she had long lost faith in the Catholic church as an institution.

“How am I supposed to trust that an institution that has so grotesquely failed to protect children, that has so grotesquely failed to do as Jesus commanded, you know, love the little children and bring them in and care for them, where is God in all of this?,” she said.

“Where is God’s mercy, where is God’s love? And where is the church responding to this crisis, as God would ask us to – with mercy, with humility, begging forgiveness, and with real contrition and a resolution to change?

“I am not alone in this, there are many Catholics I speak to who really struggle with that, with going to mass, and feeling just angry and betrayed while they’re there, about where their institution is.”

In Canberra, associate professor Dominic O’Sullivan plans to attend Sunday evening mass at St Michael’s in Kaleen. He said he felt “deeply sad” for victims, and that needed to be the focus going forward.

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“There has been support for Pell [since the verdict] but one has to understand the church is a church of sinners anyway, that’s why it exists and has a culture of forgiveness,” he said.

“People take that very seriously, and there’s also perhaps a view that people would like for the allegations to be untrue. That perhaps explains the sympathy but doesn’t mean he is innocent or that he has been the subject of a witch hunt. One has to distinguish between what one would want to be true and what is true.”

O’Sullivan said despite those sinners he would keep his faith, which he described as based on his relationship with God, not people.

“The church is a community of sinners and people do depart from church values,” he said. “Pell’s an example of that. It’s very sad and it’s very distressing, but it’s no reason for me to stop believing in God.”

Marten Koomen attended mass at the church where Pell, then the archbishop of Melbourne, abused two 13-year-old choirboys – St Patrick’s cathedral in Melbourne. Koomen says he is not a devout or institutional Catholic but says he finds great comfort in remembering his deceased aunty and parents, as well as friends, during the services.

He said the archbishop of Melbourne, Peter Comensoli, did address child sexual abuse on Sunday in a sermon that was “full of contrition” and where attendance numbers did not to seem up or down.

“Of course listening to him you don’t know whether he’s had media advice or if it comes from a genuine spiritual place, I am a bit sceptical,” he says. “I’m progressive and ultimately the law has to transcend the church. But he spoke about the shame of the church, and that was welcoming.”

At St Joseph’s Catholic church in Brunswick West, Victoria, parishioners were reluctant to share their thoughts with Guardian Australia as they entered the building for mass. “It makes no difference to me,” one man said of Pell’s conviction.

Another parishioner, who did not wish to be named, said she had read “everything” about Pell’s conviction including the many pieces supporting him and claiming he was wrongfully convicted. She said commentators should leave the case to the legal system.

“I’m shocked at the events,” she said. “I think as a church we’ve got a lot of work ahead of us, and our work now is to care for the victims.”

She said she was coping with the scandal and maintaining her faith by focusing on her relationship with God.

“If you have a strong faith and follow the message of Jesus Christ, then you just keep on focusing on that despite the struggles.”