In around 2014 or so I went through a difficult time at work. It was a hellish time for no less than 6 months. The circumstances I was experiencing had triggered very strong feelings of Imposter Syndrome and I needed to beat it.

I’ve been testing out exercises ever since. Today I want to share my top 5 with you. Just in case you should ever need them.

If you want to skip direct to the 5, then click here. Otherwise I will give you a little background first!

I was a confident and feisty woman leader in tech (still feisty!)

Before my ‘difficult time’ I was confident in my own abilities. The years of experience I had in global corporate roles, especially as a woman in technology, helped me to stand my ground in any situation.

If I wasn’t happy in a role at any time I would make bold decisions. I would have difficult conversations immediately, with anyone at any level. I wasn’t afraid to move on to the next opportunity. I was completely in control of my own situation so I simply did the right thing for me.

This time it was different

I was trapped. Not long before I had moved internationally. I was on a work permit and this was conditional on me staying in that exact role. If I left the role I would have six months to find another job at a business willing to get me a new work permit. If I didn’t find anything I would have to leave the country.

Leaving the country was the last resort. Getting a job elsewhere would have been tough with my circumstances. I chose to try and get through the hell I was living as fast and as unscathed as possible.

My hellish circumstances pushed me to the brink

There was no option available to me to go and tell someone who could put a stop to this. To quote Mel Robbins “if a bully in management is getting results, the bully stays”, she’s right and I knew that at the time. The bully usually has an enabler – their boss, or a powerful supporter, and in this case they did. I also watched someone else try to stand up to this wall of toxicity and they were ejected, without fanfare.

I developed an acute case of Imposter Syndrome

I had experienced Imposter Syndrome in mild doses when stepping far out of my comfort zone in the past. Usually when speaking on stage to a few hundred people. However I had never experienced it in this kind of situation.

I began to feel crushed, I had little to no confidence when I was in the presence of this person. I felt like I had no knowledge and despairingly at times I didn’t even know how I had even managed to get that role.

It was abject hell. I was a different person. It was eating me up inside, what the hell was wrong with me and why is this happening? Physically the stress manifested as TMJ – terrible jaw pain leading to awful headaches.

I had pushed my fight down because I felt like I needed this job. If I could only hold on for a short while until my work permit was sorted, I could leave.

In the meantime Imposter Syndrome got hold of me. On top of all the crap at work it was ruining my life.

My circumstances changed but the Imposter Syndrome didn’t go away

When I figured out how to get out of the tough time I was experiencing at work I was left with lingering doubts about my ability. My faith in my knowledge and experience had returned. I was never anything but confident (and feisty) outwardly but inside it was a different story.

My Imposter Syndrome was nowhere near as bad as the crippling self-doubt I was feeling during the dark times, but it was still there. I couldn’t shake it, and now it seemed like I would have to live with it forever.

I’ll save the story of how I escaped the bully for another time.

I found others who felt Imposter Syndrome too

During the tough times and ever since I have come across so many people who also suffer with the classic symptoms of Imposter Syndrome. They usually have one of a couple of things in common.

They are operating outside of their comfort zone. Mostly they are high achieving women (or those who identify as women), I haven’t met as many men who experience Imposter Syndrome. This could of course be because I haven’t discussed it with enough men! They are in or have experienced a rough time at work or home. They might be past victims of bullying, had their confidence knocked because of a project that went awry, or they’re just fed up of where they are in life

The signs of Imposter Syndrome

Imposters I have talked to have told me:

They experience feelings of fraudulence

They feel like they can’t anticipate what is about to happen and are therefore unprepared

People are always trying to catch them out

Managers give them a hard time on purpose

At any moment someone could ask them a question they can’t answer

They expect to be caught out any moment

They are afraid that they will forget what they are saying once they start talking (and then, people will laugh, roll their eyes, or, they will get in trouble)

Catastrophic thinking is a sign of Imposter Syndrome

When our minds are clouded by Imposter Syndrome we aren’t at our best and can sometimes struggle to think straight. We are distracted by feelings of inadequacy and fear. It is possible to get into a cycle of catastrophic thinking.

Catastrophizing is almost as bad as wishing with all our might for something bad to happen. We ask and the universe provides. And even if it doesn’t, we still feel as though it did. Yeah, it really sucks.

Is it even possible to beat Imposter Syndrome?

I’ve found that opinion on this is split. I personally believe that Imposter Syndrome can strike any of us whether we have had it before or not. Even if we don’t seem to be suffering with it anymore, it can still come back during the times we are really stretching ourselves.