I got a few asks from people curious about a few things when I logged on. The first of which was about the first time I cheated. To be honest, the first time wasn’t all that scandalous…

The first time I cheated on my boyfriend was during our freshman year in college. I went to a party with a group of girlfriends one weekend when my boyfriend was home for the weekend to help his parents move. The party was hosted by a few guys that were mutual friends of ours, and it was just a sort of come and go as you please thing.

The party was fun, and everybody was having a pretty good time and by the end of the night a lot of the girls I came with had already left. They asked me if I was ok, or if I wanted to leave with them, but I assured them that I was fine and that I would get home safe. I was left playing drinking games with two guys and two other girls I had never met before for probably close to 2 hours. Later I found out that they were friends of one of the guys that lived there, but that doesn’t really matter. Anyway, this guy – lets just call him Ryan – asked me for my number at the end of the night. I tried to explain to him that I was flattered, but I had a boyfriend. He was rather persistent, and insisted that it was just because he thought I was fun and wanted to hang out more often… After about a half hour or so of casual banter back and forth, we agreed on a compromise: he admitted that he had ulterior motives for asking for my number, and so I agreed to give it to him.

To this day, I don’t know why I did. I suppose that I liked knowing that guys found me attractive. Maybe it was because I was lonely for the weekend and was hoping he actually did just want to hang out. The drinking might have played a part. All of that considered, I think the biggest factor was his confidence. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, and kept asking. Not in an asshole-ish kind of way, but in a way that just screamed confidence and ease. I gave him my number, and he offered to walk me home. After too much booze and at like 1:30 in the morning, I actually think it would have been a stupid decision not to allow him to.

He walked me home, he said he had a great night, and he kissed me. I liked it. I let him. Then he just left. I went inside, changed clothes and got ready for bed. I had to stare at myself in the mirror for a while trying to figure out two things… Why I just let that happen, and why I liked it. I didn’t sleep that much that night.

Now, you may think that a kiss doesn’t constitute cheating, and at the time, my drunk self was right there with you, but in the morning I was embarrassed and somewhat ashamed and told myself that it would never happen again. I told myself that if I felt that way, then I must be in the wrong, therefore I considered it cheating.

And that was the first time. Like I said, not super scandalous, but I didn’t learn my lesson, the next time I saw Ryan things progressed further.