JACKSONVILLE, FL—Acknowledging his frustration about his overprotective parent, area man Mark Folta told reporters Friday that he couldn’t even go to Wuhan to eat bats anymore without his mom completely freaking out. “I’ve tried to explain to her that this is something I have done dozens upon dozens of times before without any issue, but she’s in a full-fledged panic because of something she saw on the news,” said Folta, confirming his aggravation that even something as simple as wandering through the wet markets of the central Chinese capital sampling horseshoe bats would lead his irrational mother to “blow a gasket.” “No matter how many times I explain that people eat hundreds of bats every day and are completely fine, or that I’m going to a completely different part of the city from where the virus originated, it doesn’t make a difference. It’s like, I understand that there are risks involved with feasting on uncooked bat served without any sort of health regulations, but you take a risk when you get out of bed every morning, you know? She just doesn’t seem to understand that I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions.” Folta added that his mom’s anxiety was so severe that he had not even told her about his upcoming cruise to Japan aboard the Diamond Princess.

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