21st CENTURY RELATIONSHIPS: A Review Of The Shape Of Water, From A Guy Who Had Sex With A Dolphin.

Troy McClure could not be reached for comment.

UPDATE (FROM GLENN): Let the record reflect that women boink dolphins too. “Peter the Dolphin was just 6 years old when he fell in love — with a human. The bottlenose dolphin met research assistant Margaret Howe just as the free love movement was emerging in 1965. . . . After the experiment ended and the lab was closed, Peter was shipped back to Lilly’s lab in Miami and his health quickly deteriorated. A few weeks later, Peter committed suicide, with veterinarian Andy Williamson ruling his cause of death a broken heart.”