After devastatingly losing out on a bidding war for Machado to the bleeping’ San Diego Padres, the White Sox front office is looking to salvage the offseason by offering Bryce Harper a 10 year/$400 million offer with an opt out after every game.

“We want to be aggressive this offseason, and show that we belong at the big boy table,” said White Sox GM Rick Han, wiping his ass with $300 million that should have gone to Machado.

With an opt out option after every game, we’ll see how long Harper would like to stay on the south side, playing baseball in a barren 30 degree tundra before walking over to Wrigley to see what Kris is up to.