"It's not a movie about two gay guys," Eastwood bitched when asked about Hoover's sex life. "It's a movie about how this guy manipulated everybody around him and managed to stay on through nine presidents. I mean, I don't give a crap if he was gay or not."

Well it should matter to you, Clint, because it's a big part of why "this guy" acted the way he did.

He was a shamed man who hunted down others to compensate for his self-loathing. At least, that's how we see it.

And that would make a hell of a drama!

Plus, it probably matters to out and proud writer Dustin Lance Black. But whatever, right?

But as for how Clint will handle Hoover's relaysh with his longtime lover Clyde Tolson?

DiCaprio weighs in on that one, coyly saying, "What we're saying is that he definitely had a relationship with Tolson that lasted for nearly 50 years. Neither of them married. They lived close to one another. They worked together every day. They vacationed together. And there was rumored to be more. There are definite insinuations of—well, I'm not going to get into where it goes, but..."

You already did, Leo, and we hear you rolled cameras on a big smooch scene between your character and Armie Hammer's.

So why won't you chat about it?

We have a bad feeling that this is going to be another Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

For the noncinema buffs out there, that was a flick Clint directed based on best-selling nonfiction book about a gay guy privy to a très dramatic murder trial of a gay hustler. The book was divine, the movie was a total dud—probably because it was directed by a guy who "doesn't give a crap" about his (gay) subjects' sexualities.

So how about you embrace the male-on-male action in this par-tick tale and tell the story of J. Edgar Hoover right, boys? We guarantee it'll do fabulously at the box office.