Charlie Kiss is a political activist and was the first trans man to stand for parliament in Britain. He is the author of “A New Man” and tweets as @charliekiss.

Recently a journalist, Donna Minkowitz, wrote an important article in Village Voice, a New York newspaper, making a noteworthy apology. Back in the 1990s Ms Minkowitz had written a long article for the same newspaper about Brandon Teena—the inspiration for the film “Boys Don’t Cry” (pictured, above). The article was based on the premise that this young trans man, who was raped and murdered because he was trans, was in reality a lesbian in denial.

Ms Minkowitz now sees that her perspective distorted her reporting and in doing so grossly misrepresented what happened and Teena’s identity. She fell into the common misconception that trans men are “really women” who don’t like their bodies and have been indoctrinated into a hatred of womanhood. As a trans man who struggled for 18 years trying to be a lesbian, I am grateful for the apology.

I know I could not have tried harder or longer to be a true lesbian. Ironically, because I had never had sex with a man, I was sometimes regarded as the “gold standard” by other lesbians, even looked up to. But deep down, painfully, I desired a man’s body more than anything. I continually visualised having a man’s body. I tried not to. It made me deeply ashamed. And it was confusing because I, like most lesbians, considered men’s bodies unattractive. I was also a strong feminist and had swallowed the myth that trans people conformed to stereotypes and lived in strict gender roles. The reality is that trans people are as diverse, and conforming or non-conforming to gender roles, as the non-trans population. We really are not special. But the insurmountable difficulty caused by my having a female body was that sex was hugely problematic. It eventually dawned on me that sexuality, and sensuality, permeate every aspect of our lives. I felt uncomfortable being perceived as a woman, not only by straight men, but also by other lesbians—by everyone, in fact. It felt strange having a woman’s body; as if it wasn’t really mine. This was in spite of all the affirmation of women’s beauty around me. In my thoughts, my mind would always present me to myself as a man. I was hugely influenced by lesbian separatism—I lived as a teenager for over a year at the Greenham Common Women’s Peace Camp, set up in 1981, outside a nuclear missile base in southern England. I spent my life around women. I still think the world would be a far better place if more women were involved in decision-making at all levels. But I gradually came to realise that I could support feminism while being true to myself and finally doing what would make me happy and comfortable.

So, why do so many people think trans men are “lesbians in denial”? I think that when people see older trans men like me, it might seem to them as if a part of the lesbian scene had decided to transition and become men. But that’s simply because when we were younger, trans men were unheard of. Instead transsexuals, as we were called then, were thought of as being only male to female, in the media and in general public discourse at least until the mid-1990s, when the first British FTM (female-to-male) support group was set up in London. Nowadays, trans men can work out much earlier that they are trans men, rather than trying to conform to a woman’s lifestyle, whether lesbian or heterosexual.

From my experience as a long-time attender and former chair of FTM London, a peer-support group for trans men, at least a third of trans men, probably more, were attracted to men before they transitioned. So they were seen as “heterosexual” and didn’t have anything to do with the lesbian scene. Some people’s sexuality changes after transitioning, and there are many trans people who consider that they did not even have a sexuality as such until they transitioned. The belief that trans men are lesbians in denial also betrays a stereotypical view of lesbians. No, lesbians do not all wear boots and have short hair. The overwhelming majority of lesbians are not in fact masculine-presenting. The notion of a trans man being “really a lesbian” is not supported by the facts.

There has been a bit of a panic lately over the reported increase in the number of girls attending Britain’s Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS), the specialist national centre for children who experience difficulties in the development of their gender identity. Some people worry that tomboys are being referred to the service to be transitioned to male and that lesbians are being “erased”. But is important to note that about 57% of the 11- to 16-year-olds referred to GIDS are referred on to its endocrinology department. Those that do may be prescribed drugs that delay puberty; in Britain cross-sex hormones are provided only to those over 16. This is a clinical decision within the National Health Service—it is not illegal to provide these drugs earlier. The other 43% do not progress along the treatment pathway to transition, though this may change in adulthood.

There has indeed been a big change in the sex ratio of those referred to GIDS in recent years. In 2009-10, 58% of the 12-to 18-year-olds were male at birth and 42% female; in 2016-17 those shares were 31% and 69%. Outside that age range the ratio is roughly evenly balanced.

Here’s what I think is behind this massive increase in the number of teenage girls thinking about gender and possibly transitioning, relative to teenage boys.

First, it is much harder to present as female and come out as a trans girl in secondary school, than it is to present as male and come out as a trans boy. Most trans women I know endured hell at school for not being masculine enough. They were bullied and often suffered physical violence. The UN reports that students (gay bisexual or trans) who fail to conform to masculine norms are more likely to experience physical violence.

Second, a rebalancing is under way because now, at last, trans men are getting some visibility in the media. That makes it easier for people to imagine this as their future; to envision possibilities and establish if they would be happier if they transitioned to male. I also think it is very likely that the male-to-female ratio will balance out evenly during the next few years, as is now the case for pre-12-year-olds and post-18-year-olds.

I caution that this is a difficult path to take. There is a lot of discrimination. A survey in Britain by an employment-law firm found a third of employers saying that they would be “less likely” to employ a transgender candidate for a job. A further 47% admitted that they would be unsure about hiring such a person. If you don’t “pass” (that is, you are not seen and accepted as female if a trans woman, or male if a trans man) you are likely to suffer verbal and perhaps physical abuse. Transgender Trend, a lobby group, claims that the desire to transition can spread by social contagion, and that many young people who identify as trans are going through a “phase” or have somehow been misled. They argue that publicly celebrating young trans people is therefore dangerous. That they can make such claims is quite incredible to me. These young people are not celebrated—far from it.

Transitioning is not temporary and affects your entire life. In Britain, trans people are already legally protected under the Equality Act of 2010 and can enter single-sex spaces without having changed their legal gender. Employment and health-care issues are much more of a priority to trans people than changing their legal gender; currently few bother. Consequently, the government is consulting on reforming the Gender Recognition Act of 2004, which sets out the process whereby someone can legally change gender. It proposes that people would be able to change their legal gender by making a statutory declaration (rather like a sworn oath; it is important to note that making a false statutory declaration is a criminal offence). This would encourage more trans people to obtain a gender-recognition certificate and thus a new birth certificate, if they wish, which is necessary if you intend to marry, adopt or make a nationality application.

Being trans is not easy, because of other people’s prejudice and hatred. But for me and for the vast majority of trans people, transitioning is infinitely preferable to remaining as we are. Regret after surgery is incredibly low. A recent extensive survey puts it as low as 0.3% for trans men and 0.6% for trans women. And there is an abundance of research demonstrating that if you are trans, the opportunity to transition vastly improves your mental health and well-being.

This is part of a two-week discussion on transgender issues, with ten contributors. The other contributions are available here.