(See the end of the chapter for more notes .)

Jake muses on his life as an adventurer while fighting it out with Globgor.

Chapter Text

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Jake's Point of View

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I usually have 100% faith in Finn and his ability to do whatever hero biz without me, but I kinda wish I could have gone with him to stop the Lich. I've lost enough people on Ooo, and I don't need to add my little bro and his girlfriend to that list, or Marco. But here I am, punching this giant monster in the face with Star. That's life, I guess. Open door policy means I roll with it.

Globgor was a tough customer though, battling back and head-butting me right in the mouth after I punched him. I barked and turned myself into a blindfold, wrapping my entire body into a big sheet across all four of his eyes, and began to squeeze as hard as I could. "I'll JUICE the Lich out of you, ya dingus!" I yelled.

"NARWHAL BLAST! STRAWBERRY SHAKE QUAKE!"

Star was blasting this guy all over with weird magic consisting of unicorn-whales and strawberries, and he began to roar and lash out at her blindly. The Mewni army had caught up with us finally, and were throwing spears and shooting arrows into the legs of Globgor. Guy looked like a pincushion, but he was taking it like a champ.

In a rage, Globgor ripped me off of his head and punched me against his palm. Things got dark for a second before Globgor threw me across the forest. In a last ditch effort, I spread myself out like a parachute and floated into the trees.

Moments like this are kind of why I've been considering semi-retiring, which sounded really good as I sprawled across the grass. THAT'LL be a sucky talk to have with Finn. He's a tough kid though. Probably shouldn't worry about that now. I stood up and things got fuzzy…Ugh…Finn shouldn't have taken all the Cyclops Goop with him. I was still dizzy from that walloping.

I began running back towards the fight, stretching my legs out as high as possible to get a better view. And so I could save energy; running sucks and taking big ole steps helps. I'm pretty lazy without my powers.

As I got closer, Globgor snatched Star out of the air and reared up his other hand to smash her.

Yeah, no, not on my watch!

I let out an angry howl, turned into a spiky monster twice the size of Globgor, turned my hand into a mace, and smashed it down on Globgor's skull, stunning him. He dropped Star right away. I then wrapped my arm around him multiple times, turned on my heel, and threw Globgor across the entire forest, and the ground shook as he crashed into a bunch of trees. I shrunk back down to normal to catch my breath. Growing that huge was getting harder and harder as I got older, and my head was still killing me.

Star flew down to me, "Jake! Are you alright? You're looking like you could use some of Finn's backpack goop."

I rubbed my head in pain. "Nothing ole Jake can't handle. Let's go finish this donkus off!"

Before Star could fly back, the Queen flew over to us in her own crazy butterfly form. Feeling awkward, I also gave myself some butterfly wings.

"Star, get back to the castle, I will finish off Globgor!" She commanded.

"Mom, no I have to fight!" Star argued. "You wait for the wand and bring it to me!" She paused, noticed me, and added, "Jake, your wings are super pretty."

"Thanks!" I replied. "Also, I got this pretty sensitive dog nose, and Globgor's coming back here pretty quick, so you might want to figure out who's going and who's going to help me kick him in the buns."

"I'm staying!" Both Star and Moon answered in unison.

I laughed. "Neat." This was kind of like watching someone fight with a mirror.

The ground was already starting to shake as Globgor began his approach, and something clicked in my head.

"Princess, I've got a rad plan." I said, whispering in her ear.

Star gasped, and her eyes lit up. She nodded. "I love it!"

I got into position, and as Globgor peered down onto us, I morphed into a giant foot.

"RAINBOW ROCKET BLAST!" Star yelled, which caused a rainbow jet boost under me, blasting me upwards as my foot-body kicked Globgor right in the boingloins. I've been wanting to do that since Finn got turned into a foot and got to do it to a giant! I got to giant kick someone huge right in the gonads!

Globgor doubled over in pain, and I stretched myself around his arms to tie him up. "RAINBOW FIST PUNCH!" Star yelled, uppercutting Globgor into the air. I flipped myself around, growing to Globgor's size, flipped him in mid air, and planted him headfirst into the ground with a piledriver.

As he collapsed on the ground and the sickly green goo came out of his ear. Globgor had stopped moving too, so I think we managed to get him. I shrank back down to normal, and Star ran up to me. I held out my fist for a fist pound, but she shook it like a handshake instead. Little weird, but we all have our own ways.

"I can see why Finn delegated you to stay here!" Star squealed. "You handled Globgor like he was one of your breakfasts."

Heh...she reminds me of when Finn slayed a monster as a kid. He'd be bouncing off the walls. The long blonde hair helps too. "If you had a bear hat, you'd look like my bro," I told her, a bit nostalgically.

"I...whaaaat?" She asked, tilting her head.

"Nevermind." I replied. "I just got hit in the head too hard. Let's see if your wand is ready, I'm worried about my kids."

Between mining, the forge, and fighting this Globgor guy, it was already quite a day.

"Alright, let's get going." She replied, and we shuffled back off to the castle.

I needed a distraction. At this very moment, my brother is fighting the Lich in some crazy scheme, and if he fails, everyone I know is dead. My girlfriend, my friends, my kids...

Is it okay for me to retire? Can Finn do this without me?

I want to take some time and spend with my kids. But they're like...my age now. They don't even need me, really. Has that made me distant? Could I still be doing more to guide them?

I really didn't need this adventure after the war.

Then again, I never needed adventure. All I was doing was taking care of Finn, and he's the one who decided to run all over Ooo to save everyone. I guess I just tagged along so he wouldn't die. Guess that's still what I'm doing. Mom and Dad left me in charge of him. I guess I've been a better dad to Finn than my own kids.

He turned out pretty good though. I'm proud of him.

All this contemplating makes me hungry, anyway. I need to get some stress eating going on up in this biz.

We were back at the castle anyway, so we walked back into the training hall, and the King ran up to us. "There you are!"

"Is the wand ready?!" Star asked, anxiously.

"What?" He asked. "No, dinner is ready and I need my favorite bib!"

"FOOOOOOD!" I yelled, practically running to the mess hall while Star and her mom began arguing. Hard to focus on saving all of life in existence on an empty stomach.

I barrel rolled into the mess hall and realized how empty it was, with only Hekapoo, the omni-globe head dude, and no knights.

"Do you have to be obnoxious with everything you do?" Hekapoo scowled.

I put my hands on my rubbery dog hips, "No, I just choose to be."

I took a bite of my cornbread as I sat down. "Look Hekapoo," I said, "I know you don't like my little bro because he had to dent Rhombulus' head, but he didn't have a choice. I'm not sure what your beef with us is, but we're just trying to help. We don't want any trouble. Truce?"

She stared at me. It was kind of hard to tell what was on her mind so I just kept eating. And then the plate next to me. And then the one next to that. This went on a few more times.

"Thank you," she muttered, after awhile.

"What?" I asked, though I heard her fine; I just liked giving people a hard time.

"I said thanks! Thanks for all your help!" She yelled. "Yeesh."

I sat back and patted my full belly and compressing it back in with my powers. The fire portal burst from behind me, just like this morning and that Tom kid walked through.

"Oh, is Star here?" He asked me. He looked pretty down. Teens and their girl problems, man.

"She's fighting with her mom, sorry." I answered. I have a feeling I know what they were talking about when Star stayed behind earlier, but that's her personal biz. I ain't stepping in her p-biz. "I can take the wand to her if you're done with it."

"Yeah, He-" Tom stopped and realized Hekapoo was in the room, "The...blacksmith went nuts getting this done so quickly. Just uh...tell her I was here."

"I can probably do that." I replied, as he handed me a metal briefcase. "You okay there?"

He just glared at me and left. Sheesh.

"Tough crowd," I muttered to Hekapoo, who just rolled her eyes at me.

Ignoring her, I got up to find Star and bring this to her. The sooner we blasted the Lich, the sooner I can sleep for like six months. I went back to the training hall and nearly dropped the case.

We apparently hadn't finished Globgor off, and he was outside the castle now while Star and Moon were holding him off.

"OH GLOB OH GLOB OH GLOB!" I yelled, running down to where they were, briefcase on my back. "STAR, YOUR DEMON BOYFRIEND DROPPED OFF THE WAND!"

Star swooped down to meet me, but she was swatted out of the air by Globgor. I growled, grew back to Globgor's size and took a swing at him, but he grabbed my fist. I swing with my left, but he grabbed that hand too and began to try and overpower me. I quickly shot a fist out of my forehead though, knocking Globgor down to the ground. I shrank down, grabbed the briefcase, and ran to Star while Moon began blasting at the monster.

I hopped into the ruins of the house. "Star! Star, where are you?!"

"Ugh..." I heard her moan while raising her hand from the wreckage.

"Hang in there dude!" I yelled, stretching over and using some long noodle arms to pull her our of the rubble.

"Thanks, Jake." She mumbled.

"What happened, dude?" I asked.

"Globgor got back up, and seemed fine for a minute," Star explained as I handed her the metal case, "And then he just started clutching his head, and reverted back to crazy Lich-monster."

"Well you got your wand, let's just blast him and get back to Ooo so we can blast The Lich out of your not grandma." I said, anxiously.

She managed to open the case and grabbed the rather plain looking wand, but the second it hit her hand, it turned into a pink and blue winged magic wand. I gaped. "It's beautiful," I whispered, wiping a tear from my eye.

"Aw thanks, Jake!" Star beamed. "Now come on, we got to stop Globgor for real this time!"

We ran out of the house just in time to see Globgor punch Queen Moon out of the sky, and she crashed into the castle.

"WARNICORN STAMPEDE!" Star yelled with a spin, sending a blast of angry unicorns into Globgor's stomach, and he double over. I tied myself as a big rope around Globgor's legs. And pulled, pulling his legs together and tripping him to the ground, falling head first onto the pavement.

"Come on, you butternut, just give up!" I yelled as Globgor struggled against my bind. Finally in a powerful kick, he managed to fling me off of him as I went flying through the kingdom.

Mewni is a really awesome place. Too bad it keeps getting leveled. Huh. I turned into a glider and turned back towards Globgor for another round. Eventually this guy had to stay down. Moon had recovered too, as the monster got back to his feet. Star was blasting from the ground, and the Queen was going high.

Guess that means I should go for the middle.

I stretched from rooftop to rooftop, getting closer and closer to the monster. When I was closed enough to his back, I stretched my arms all around his midsection, grew to his size, and flipped him backwards, suplexing him right onto the back of his head, and then stretching back to Star. We stopped and watched as the Lich goo oozed out of his head.

"Think he's stopped for good?" I asked.

"I dunno..." Star frowned, "This is what happened last time..."

The queen approached from behind us, and used her power to pile all the wrecked houses onto Globgor, and a bunch of trees too.

"THAT...should hold him. Just in case." The queen sighed.

"Alright, then come on Jake, we need to GO!" Star yelled, turning back into a butterfly and opening a portal.

"Star!" The queen shouted, making us both jump.

"Yeah...?" Star asked, apprehensively.

"Just...be careful." The queen said, dropping the regal act.

Star got a little misty eyed, so I turned away as they hugged. This hit a little too close to home for me. I need to go make sure MY kids are safe.

"We'll be back as soon as possible!" Star assured, grabbing my arm and the two of us leapt back into the candy kingdom.

"Oh no..." I muttered.

The same black clouds and green lighting plagued the entire land, and a weak barrier was surrounding the entire kingdom. The Gumball Guardians were completely destroyed and were blocking the streets.

"The Lich worked fast." Star muttered.

"Star! STAR!"

We both turned to see Marco charging toward us from the Candy Castle. He and Star ran up to each other and hugged, but he pulled away really quickly.

"Guys...something horrible happened," Marco cried, on the verge of tears.

My heart sank. "Where's Finn?"

Marco bit his lip. "Well...a lot's happened since we got here..."