Bruce Willis may have made it through a seemingly infinite series of Die Hard movies, but can he survive some light jabs from frumpy comedians who all think they’re going to be the first to bring up Moonlighting? On Tuesday Comedy Central announced plans for a roast of Bruce Willis, following in the footsteps of their roasts of Rob Lowe and Justin Bieber, to be taped and aired at a later date — presumably after Willis escapes from it using the air shafts. “This ain’t the first time I’ll be tied to a chair and held hostage by a group of humorless assholes for a couple hours,” Willis said in a statement that really sounds like it was written by someone else. After the roast, Comedy Central will weep, for there will be no more Bruce Willises to conquer.