St. Tickles, by Whale

T'was the night before Honkmas, when all through space station,

Not a crewmember was stirring, without even sedation.

The horns were honked by the comdom with care,

In hopes that The Honkmother soon would be there;

The crew were all nestled snug in their sleepers;

While visions of full green-texts twirled in their peepers;

And the Cap with her crop, and HOP with his cap,

Had just settled their heads for a long Honkmas nap,

When outside the airlock there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what might be the matter.

Away to the windows I flew like a flash,

Pried open the shutters and looked through the glass.

A star that shone in the big empty void,

Gave a luster of sunset to objects destroyed,

When what to my wandering eyes did appear,

But a miniature clown car stuffed all-full of cheer,

With a little lively driver who bore naught a frown,

I knew in that moment it must be that clown – St. Tickles.

More rapid than syndis his clown ops they came,

And he honked, and he shouted, and he called them by name:

"Now, Willy! now, Doodle! now Punchie and Gibson!

On, Chips! on, Cuban! on, Donker and Pilsen!

To the top of the bridge! let's start up the brawl!

Now honk away! honk away! honk away all!"

Upon the crew it dawned the honkpocalypse was nigh,

And that those who might stop them would be met with pie.

Back into darkness those clownies they flew

With the bomb full of fun, and St. Tickles, him too —

And then, when I listened, I heard from the flue

The honking and squeaking of oversized shoe.

As I drew back my head, and was turning around,

Down the bar's own chimney Tickles came with a bound.

He was dressed in suspenders, from his head to his feet,

And behind him, his clown ops, all arrived to greet

A crew all assembled — even goat Pete.

A bundle of bananas Tickles had flung on his back,

And he looked like a botanist just opening his pack.

His eyes—how they sparkled! his dimples, how merry!

His cheeks were red slimes, his nose like a cherry!

His lipsticked little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the makeup on his cheeks was white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the bubbles encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a massive round belly

That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old clown,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of HOP's frown.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon helped the crew know we had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all backpacks with 'nanas; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a honk, back up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all ran in their car most abyssal.

Yet noise from behind cut cold through the air,

and in an instant the crew realized something was not there.

The captain had shouted, and patted his pockets.

A nuke disc most valuable was torn from its socket.

But I did hear Tickles exclaim, as in that car he did flee: