It was a day like any other in Jackson Square – until five mobility scooters collided at speeds of up to 35 km/h early this morning. All five are in hospital, three in critical condition, and two sustaining minor injuries.

“I’ve never seen carnage like this in Jackson Square,” says eye-witness Beatrice Mullover. “It was like The Fast & The Furious with scooters.”

A security guard, who wishes to remain anonymous, says this is a symptom of a greater issue. “It’s all about gambling. There’s a huge market for scooter race betting, and the scooters are so readily available in Hamilton. And these aren’t your Grandpa’s 5 km/h scooter, they are souped up foreign custom units, with nitros, flame jobs and custom carbon parts.”

“It’s true that hallway racing has gotten out of control. It was fun at first – a way to pass the hours, and maybe make a couple bucks like an office lottery. But now we’re seeing more injuries, organized crime, and less good-natured racing,” says a nearby shoe store owner.

With all the lotto stands in Jackson you might wonder why this kind of betting is so popular. “It’s the fact that you have to travel to Flamborough to see a decent race,” says long-time bookie, Kip “Sharkie” O’Malley. “If we had an outlet downtown, maybe this wouldn’t happen. It’s also a thrill to see the drivers weave around shoppers, cut through the stores, and knock over the displays. You can’t get that anywhere else. It’s pure entertainment.”

A meeting will be held by the property management team to discuss corrective actions. Until then, look both ways before you shop.

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