(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Pull up a chair son, I’ve got some dating advice for you.

How I Do It: Meet the mum-of-two who has sex all day, every day

There was a simpler time when dating habits didn’t bother me, around the time Mr. Blobby was in his prime and Furbies were still considered to be adorable household pets rather than the precursor to the vicious modern-day robot.

Although I have the dating history of a mature Stilton (sans scent), I have seen the same beyond-parody mistakes being made by men since the age of fifteen.

Ten years on, after juggling a molotov cocktail of confusion, anger, and plain WTFness, it is simply my journalistic duty to spell out some sweet home dating truths.




When some actions are just so beyond the pale, so beyond parody, it is worth knowing that in the dating-sphere, while some crimes may be gone, they have not been forgotten.

1. Using the date as a therapy session

The main offenders in this camp are sectioned into two groups: the wistful ex romanticisers and those who use their new entry to the game as hall pass for not knowing how things work.

‘I’ve never loved anyone like that, and I worry that I never will,’ he confesses, two pints into date number one.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

‘Do we ever get over things?’ he might comment.

The man is akin to the Bristol piano man, a sad boy romanticiser who thinks that his emotional issues are something to be fixed through dependency and pity.

If you are this man, please work on getting over your relationship before dating someone else.

And for the other camp, it’s worth noting that your date is not the person to ask for dating advice. Simple really.

‘I was so annoyed because she was messing me around while I was on holiday, and I just don’t know what to do about it, but hey, we’re here now,’ they might say, when you are perfectly aware that you two were knee deep in conversation during that very same trip.

The worst crime? Using pillow talk as a time to discuss other romantic prospects. At this stage, it’s generally not clear enough where one another stands on the union. And please, do not ask women two minutes after you have had sex with them if it was okay that they made a move on you when you have been on a few dates with someone else.*

*This may or not be something that happened to me this year.

2. Negging

For those not in the know, negging is lightly insulting someone’s appearance, ambitions, sense of self, hopes and dreams in a mildly mocking fashion in the hope that they might like you.

Sunshine, it didn’t work in the school playground, and it certainly doesn’t work now.

(Picture: Jasmine Andersson)

Belittling your romantic prospects to the point of anger tends to leave a person mildly confused, then silently stunned.

Especially when you are so self-assured in your arrogance that you believe belittling a person’s life ambitions in an introductory sentence is the appropriate way forward.



Negging is not designed to put a romantic partner at ease, it is designed to make the neg-deployer feel better about themselves.

3. Using your past as an excuse for bad behaviour

I have spent hours trapped in rooms with men who justify their deplorable actions through their dating history.

Several times I have felt like interrupting them to inform them it’s not even half as chaotic as my own.

Resident sad boys, being hurt in the past does not mean that you can hurt other people. It does not erase rude, mean or distant behaviour.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

As my Dad (who has admittedly been with the same woman since he was sixteen) says: ‘Just as we cannot go back in history to stop World War One, we cannot delve into our partner’s past and know what their history meant to them.’ Boom, father.

Although anyone being able to talk about their issues should be welcomed with open arms, they should be introduced on a mutual playing field of honesty, rather than a self-deprecating excuse for lacklustre effort.

4. Sharing everything about your sex life

I am pro-sex. Run wild and free with the people you fancy. And for the most part, I appreciate that at the age of 25, most people will have given it a go.

But when you are telling someone in the first conversation you’ve had about a move you pulled off in the past or your last sex partner’s interests in bed, it can be a struggle to trust you. Did that partner consent in you telling me that information?

Although sex can be an act of love or a casual liaison, it’s important to make a partner feel like you don’t have a live scoring card waiting for them as soon as they leave the bedroom.


5. Breadcrumbing

It was a tough last place slot to fill here, but when ghosting means that you are not communicating with your potential partner *at all*, breadcrumbing has to take the final place in the no-go chart.

The dating tactic, which sees potential partners oscillating between a rapid-fire of conversational delights, only to abruptly switch to desert-dry weeks of no communication is the most contrived and cruel trick in the book.

At this point, basic common empathy dictates that it’s time to decide whether you want to carry on dating this person or end things.

And at that point, it’s definitely time to talk.

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