Celebrity canvas and jewellery stand Dennis Rodman has launched a joint propaganda campaign with North Korean leadership against the United States, threatening them with a “most disastrous final doom”. They warned that “the time of the nightmare” is near.

The outburst came shortly after the U.S. Military tagged themselves as “going” to a public South Korean Facebook event called the Ulchi-Freedom Guardian, where the two respective Korean militaries will get together for their annual day of war games and beer pong.

In a characteristically excessive statement from North Korea, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un dictated the words “It is our firm resolution to counteract through our own nuclear strike and Facebook event if the United States provokes a nuclear war against North Korea. Also, we will bring the U.S. to an early demise with our own pre-eminent cyberwarfare mad hacking skills. If the U.S. tries to bring us down through a cyber smack hack attack, the U.S. had better know clearly that our means in ground, naval, underwater, air and cyber hack warfare and nuclear strike capabilities, which are precise and diversified, will be used by our people and army who display wide variety of starvation or hunger-related illnesses, stemming from serious economic mismanagement and the almost total loss of global support, which.. hey!.. I didn’t say that.. what are you writing?.. give me that.. which the gangster-like U.S. imperialists can never think of or imitate.. shoot her.”

A correspondent from The Incidentally tracked Rodman down for an interview last week and quoted him as saying, “Kim Jong-Un is for the people. I’ve been to various holiday destinations with Kim, and I’ve never personally seen him kill anybody.” He then vomited and defecated on an innocent bystander and said “I have sympathy for you and your shitty situation.”

This article is dedicated to that correspondent – who, as he was leaving the interview, mistakenly stepped on a landmine. Rodman, when asked if it was his, said “mines often explode due to natural causes such as rain and fire in the DMZ.”