A big thing is made in the seduction community about never chasing girls, but instead making them chase you. Although I think it can be done, it’s really in the realm of more advanced guys who know what they’re doing. Newbies / intermediates are going to have to chase most girls. Accept it and get over it, your dick will thank you.

But isn’t chasing girls ‘beta’? A bit like how you say something is more important than what you say, with chasing girls it’s all about how it’s done. I’m certainly not an expert on this, but I’m sure I have the basics down.

The problem with chasing a girl is that, whilst if you do it right you come across as persitant; a man who knows what he wants and persues it. Do it wrong and you come across as needy; a man with no options who desperately needs to get this girl.

I think there are two things that seperate persistant chasing from needy chasing:

Timing Not bending over backwards to accommodate the girl

To illurstrate the first point, take a look at these two text exchanges. I think the first one comes across as needy, the second persistant:

Me: You free for after work drinks on Wednesday night?

Her: Sorry, no. This week’s not great for me. Defo up for it another time though!! 🙂 x

Me: Well how about the weekend? I’m free Saturday night?

Me: You free for after work drinks on Wednesday night?

Her: Sorry, no. This week’s not great for me. Defo up for it another time though!! 🙂 x

Me: Cool, will text you another time

3-5 days later…

Me: Hey, how was your Saturday?

Her: Good, enjoyed the sun in the park? You? x

Me: Did Camden market daytime, clubbing with the lads in the evening. It’d be cool to get together sometime next week. How’s your week looking?

Her: I can do Tuesday or Thursday if that’s OK?

Me: Tuesday’s a no for me, Thursday’s fine. Meet outside Covent garden tube at 6:30 for drinks and giggles

In the first exchange the guy, upon being rebuffed for a meet up immediately tries to rearrange for another date. This makes it look like he really needs to get the girl out on a date. In the second exchange, he’s still chasing for the date, but in a much more relaxed manner. He leaves it over half a week before going for the date again. Even then he doesn’t go straight for the date, there’s some pleasantries first. This guy comes across as wanting a date with her but not needing a date with her. The difference between wanting and needing in this case is just leaving a few days between text messages.

As for the second point, not bending over backwards to accommodate the girl is simple. Have things going on in your life that you’re not willing to drop in order to see her. This will come across when your chasing her for a date, but you can’t do a day she suggests. This way, despite being persistent in asking her out, you’re not needy about it.

The motivation for me to write this post is that I have lost out on closing a good few women recently because I refused to chase them or be persistent enough. The particular case that brought this to my attention was a girl I was in contact with from an online dating site. The first time I asked her out she cancelled the date the day before it was meant to happen. Second time I tried to arrange a date she was ill. Third time she said she couldn’t make the day I proposed, but she did offer an alternative. At this point I didn’t bother texting her back. About a week later I got a text from her. She was annoyed that I’d never bothered getting back to her. I told her she hadn’t shown enough interest. She was clearly feeling upset, as she said, “No wonder you’re single if you ignore the girls who are interested in you!”. Despite the fact she said this out of spite, it did strike a chord with me.

I would have probably fclosed at least a couple more, if not a few more girls this year if I had just spent a bit more effort chasing the ones who were interested in me. I’ve got a bit arrogant recently, deciding that I’m attractive enough that once I’ve made a little initial effort with a girl, she should chase me, or at the very least meet me half way. This may happen later on once a girl has fallen for you, but in the early stages of the human courtship ritual, the rules are clear: the man does the chasing.

From now on I’m going to follow up on every ‘lead’ hard. I’m going to be persistent in moving the girl through the courtship ritual, towards sex, only giving up when I know I’ve really burnt the set to the ground. I think one thing that will help a lot with this is the realisation that I need to be going for hotter girls.