Case #8476358 – April 25th, 3:34 PM. Suspect is a black-haired woman over the age of thirty. She identifies herself as Tia Cyrus and is filed in our Must Implement Liberal Frisking (MILF) category. She is suspected of stealing edible underwear from the storefront. After a strip search the stolen item is found on her person. The Officer retrieves the item and proceeds to negotiate a deal with the suspect. The rest of this case is classified.