According to sources within the TSM house, a jaded Marcus “Dyrus” Hill has spent the last few days staring at the mirror, re-evaluating his life, and having shouting matches with the psychological manifestation of his crushed dreams. After arriving at the TSM Gaming House without speaking to or even acknowledging his fellow teammates, the 23-year-old top laner expected to see his bloodshot eyes and discolored face in the bathroom mirror, but instead was confronted by a younger, more sprightly version of himself. Wielding Mr. Pillow and a boundless sense of optimism, the reflection repeatedly asked him, “Is this what you wanted out of life? Is this what you wanted out of your career?” In another part of the house, Choi “Locodoco” Yoon-sub was tossing and turning in his sleep, his dreams once again led by an idealized Madlife who was showing Yoon-sub “what could have been.”

NA, TR Rivalry Reignited with Close Matches at MSI

Wildcard regions North America and Turkey butted heads once again at the 2015 Mid Season Invitational, continuing the rivalry between the two regions that, both in game and in real life, aren’t quite European. NA representative Team SoloMid barely edged out their opponents in wins, going 1-4 compared to the TR team’s 0-5; however, Beşiktaş e-Sports Club won the PR victory in the eyes of the community, appealing to those who think that combining young adult fiction and year-old memes is the neatest thing.

Thorin Hospitalized For Severe Dehydration After Two Days of Continuous Laughter

The esports historian luckily received several donations of IV bags filled with hypertonic solution, courtesy of North American fans.

Easyhoon to Carry Faker in Back of Head

By fielding both Faker and Easyhoon during MSI, SKT T1 were able to expand their strategic pool and force their opponents to work harder. Also, while one midlaner was on stage, the other was able to knock-out one of the referees, put their uniform on, and sneak backstage to sabotage their opponents.

It seemed like Faker’s untimely death during Game 5 of the MSI Finals (due to the strongest magic: true money) would end this powerhouse of a strategy. However, a mystic ritual allowed SKT to graft Faker’s face and personality to the back of Easyhoon’s head, allowing the team to swap between players while in the middle of the match or while trying to find an alchemical potion. This next level in roster planning is forcing other teams to step up their games.

NA, KR Agree That International Tournaments Don’t Matter

The League of Legends subcommunities of North America and Korea have reached the shared conclusion that international tournaments that are not the World Championship do not accurately reflect world rankings. Additionally, experts believe that Inven will soon enter the “acceptance” stage of grief.

Riot’s eSports Marketing Team Celebrates After SKT Loss

Riot’s eSports marketing staff reportedly threw a celebration party upon SKT’s loss at MSI.

“Before, we were all scared of losing our jobs because we were rapidly running out of ways to create new storylines of how vulnerable Korean teams are, despite evidence to the contrary,” said one Rioter. “This should give us a much easier way at hyping up worlds, probably something along the lines of ‘Anyone can win’, except this time it’ll be actually true.”

The celebration banner read “Alive Gaem”, sources say.

Fnatic Forfeits Group Stage Victory After Pixelwalking





Related headlines:

• MSI won by “Not-Korean Team” Gaming

• MonteCristo Reevaluating Life Choices

• Far Fewer Florida Jokes Than Expected





