GAME 5 DRUNKEN RANT

Buffalo Bills (3-1) @ Cincinnati Bengals (1-3)

CAUTION: DRUNKEN EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT ABOUT THE BENGALS FOLLOWS.

/start rant

Because of some genocidal maniac, I have the day off today and it could not be more welcome.

Thanks Chris.

Yesterday was as beautiful an ugly win as you’ll see.

And no, I’m not even talking about whatever the hell was going on with Local 12.

On a day where the Bengals’ best player seemed intent on fumbling away the game.. I was somehow able to buckle down, slog through the pouring rain, and drink this team to victory.

You’re welcome.

Adriel Jeremiah Green may very well go down as one of the greatest Bengals of all time, but even the greats have bad days… and yesterday was a baaad day at the office.

Damn near fucking brutal.

I know – he hauled in 7 catches for 189 yards and a touchdown, but the Cincinnati Bengals have a razor thin margin of error and AJ contributed to THREE turnovers, which kept the Mark Ruffalo Bills in the game.

It’s no secret I love Andy, but he’s simply not good enough to put the team on his back when his number one dude keeps doinking passes off his fuckin’ hands and into the waiting arms of a defender.

I’m glad that they kept going to him, though, because A.J. Green is Studly McHardnips and he did what A.J. does and made up for his turnovers by reeling in a pass that set up the FIRST FUCKING RUSHING TOUCHDOWN ON THE SEASON! 5 Weeks in! Pop the champagne, bitches!

A.J. said after the game:

“I had three turnovers, but the defense bailed us out. Andy bailed me out, Joe (Mixon) and T.K. (Tyler Kroft) making runs and catches in this type of weather, they ended up saving my butt today. The whole team saved my butt today.”

Yep.

Also, I love you A.J. – you magnificent bastard. You’re the heart and soul of this team.







He’s absolutely right, though. Thank fuuuuuuck for our defense. Christ on a cracker, how good are they!?

Carl Lawson was the steal of the fuckin’ draft. DROY, calling it right now. Clearly knocking his teeth out last week has made him more aerodynamic, fucking flyyyyyyyying off the edge. He’s an animal on a defense filled with animals.

Vontaze Burfict was everywhere yesterday. You can have your opinions on him, as wrong as they probably are, but you cannot deny how good that dude is.

The defense came up with 6 sacks yesterday, which puts them on pace for 58 on the season. The franchise record is 51 (2012). That’s fuckin’ legit. I could fawn all day over this defense.

Nick Vigil has quickly become one of my favorite players, guy does not miss a tackle. Geno Atkins is the highest rated interior lineman on Pro Football Focus and in my heart. Glad to see our starting safeties on the field at the same time, too.

What can I say? The Bengals gutted out a victory yesterday and continue to build momentum in what looked like a lost season just a couple of weeks ago. They still can’t run the ball and that offensive line still gets slapped around more than an ass in a Jorge Perez video, but they’ve adjusted the play-calling around their shitty line and they’re getting results.

Speaking of lines, the Miami Dolphins are having some issues of their own.







Pittsburgh laid an egg against Jacksonville, the Ravens are nothing special and the Browns are the Same Ol’ Browns.

We are one game back going into the bye week and our next four games are at Pittsburgh (which is looking more winnable), home against the Colts, at Jacksonville and at Tennessee.

I could certainly see this team going 3-1 in that stretch, if not sweep the whole thing. The Bengals control their destiny, and after a disastrous start, that’s all we can ask for.

2 Game Winning Streak Y’all!

BENGALS WIN!! 2 game winning streak improving to 2-3 on the year. ??? #WHODEY #NoProblems pic.twitter.com/wF3vRKrJGB — Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) October 8, 2017

WHOOOOO DEY!

/end rant

Look for more Drunken Bengals Postgame Rants All Season From THE JUNGLER

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