Some words you don't often hear senior Wall Street execs say aloud are "I have never defecated or urinated in bed, on the floor or a wall." And yet, Sage Kelly, Global Head of Healthcare Investment Banking at Jefferies, said exactly that in court papers this week, in response to allegations by his wife that he's mistaken all of those places for a toilet, in addition to other stuff re: copious drug use, "foursomes," and "wife-swapping."

Kelly, after drug and alcohol binges, urinated and defecated in the bed and on the floor at the couple’s homes on Park Ave. and in Sag Harbor, L.I., estranged spouse Christina Di Mauro Kelly alleged in legal documents...In his court papers, Sage Kelly flatly denied the allegations about his bathroom mishaps and blasted his wife as a stone — and stoned — liar. “‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ tale she tells this court is a work of fiction,” Sage Kelly responded in court papers. “I have never defecated or urinated in bed, on the floor or a wall.” [...] Christina Kelly, 38, charges in court papers that she never used cocaine until she met her husband-to-be, and he refused to have sex with her unless they were snorting coke. She also detailed a wild night of wife-swapping at the Ritz-Carlton in Boston where drinking and drug use led to the foursome. Christina Kelly recounted a marriage where her husband was closer to his trusted drug dealer than to her. She detailed a staggering drug intake that included cocaine, ecstasy, heroin, ketamine, Molly and magic mushrooms. She also identified in court papers 20 of her husband’s friends, including many fellow brokers, who she claimed regularly joined in his drug-taking escapades.

For his part, Kelly claims that his wife is the one with a substance abuse problem. Yesterday, Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Matthew Cooper "advised" the couple to stop embarrassing themselves by "airing their filthy laundry in public," though it seems pretty obvious the duo are not done here just yet.

By the by, the last time Kelly was in the news for legal reasons was when UBS accused him and a colleague of poaching a bunch of employees on their way to Jefferies. You might say this is slightly more awkward!

Investment banker's estranged wife accuses him of cocaine abuse, orgy in divorce suit [NYDN]