Got the idea to write about this from articles on Fusion and Mashable regarding VR porn, although it took me a while due to trepidation of posting something this NSFW here. With both Oculus Rift and HTC Vive coming out at this time and how they can change the way we consume media within the next decade or so, VR porn is inevitable. As the first NSFW post on this website, here’s a crazier direction in writing by talking about what some in my Facebook friends list may find abhorrent, which is exactly what I’m going for.

If you think that choking the chicken with a silicon simulate of a human orifice while ball-gagged and under the influence of a strong psychoactive substance is no longer sufficient, then perhaps you can try ramping up sensory stimulation by fooling your brain into thinking you’re actually in a real-life sexual situation. In that case, your journey towards eventual self-destruction can potentially be made more interesting with virtual reality pornography—VR porn for short.

Or as I’d like to call it, “Gentleman’s Special Interest Matrix Cinema.”

DISCLAIMER: This post is NOT SAFE FOR WORK and not intended for both children and the fainthearted. Here I detail the hypothetical use of VR porn for enhancing self-indulgence and other depraved acts in fairly explicit detail, so consider yourself warned. Pornography exists, and this article simply explores the possibilities of what people can do behind closed doors (some of which you might be doing yourself). This is meant to be read by adults who can think for themselves. As for good taste, I don’t think there’s much to be had here.

The Future of POV Porn

I’m not a superfan of POV/gonzo porn per se due to not being that discerning with my “wankspiration” material anyway, but it seems that it was the shit for most of the 2000s. They were going for a pseudo-VR thing back then, and even as far back as mid to late 90s. Naturally, this is the first destination for actual VR porn.

But then again, you can also up the POV quotient these days on your own with a head or chest-mounted GoPro, just in case you want to make some yourself and are sick of super shaky camera work. You can see the professionally done stuff when you do a web search of “vr porn” and look at the image results, then just copy that to the best of your ability. Maybe you can weave a pouch, use some velcro tape, or just duct tape the damn thing to your chest or forehead and film away.

Now imagine being able to get it just right, then you can use a VR headset to view it. Even something like a Samsung Gear VR or even one of those cheap-ass cardboard goggles can turn it into a cyberpunk wank. Just add some William Gibson in your room like neon lighting and random electronics on the floor to complete the setup.

Next Level Long Distance Sex and Hookups

This definitely needs to be discussed; not so much VR porn as it’s VR hookup service. Smartphones revolutionized long-distance creeping by making it a whole lot easier to send your dick pics to whoever you’re stalking. It also makes it easier to block your sorry ass and screenshot your pathetic attempts at courting for everyone else in social media to laugh at. There are also the now old-fashioned practice of jerking off to camshows, where camwhores strip and get dirty to the sound of tokens being offered to them.

Cybersex, sexting, sex-on-phone, and even booty calls are going to change with full-blown Internet-powered VR technology. Just imagine hooking up with someone over Craigslist (or Grindr if you swing that way) and not just asking for nude pics, but also actually get a sample of the goods. Less room for imagination and more feast for the eyes once VR porn becomes like the Skype camshow of the future.

I don’t know how the hell that can exactly be implemented, but someone’s sure to think of something because of the potential. Both enthusiasts and desperados will pay good money for that level of VR porn technology. Just imagine a cyberpunk version of the movie adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk’s Choke.

(I know you may be facepalming at every mention of cyberpunk at this point and perhaps even shouting at me for “misunderstanding it,” but that’s the theme I’m working with here. Go along with it for now, finish reading, have a lollipop, then complain about my pretentious use of the word in the comment section below.)

It’s your very own portable orgasmatron. How much more sci-fi can you get?

VR Porn Games and Genital Controllers

Haven’t we had enough with 3D sex games that don’t really amount to much? Most of them just had you move your mouse up and down to simulate in-and-out movements, and it amounts to pretty much nothing unless you’re willing to duct-tape your (hopefully) erect penis to the top of your mouse.

Then there’s this fucking monstrosity.

Welcome to the future, where Japanese men will have even more reasons to not make babies, thus plunging Japan into an even deeper population quagmire. If you’re desperate enough to want one right now, you could jury-rig a Tenga with some sort of framework with a motor to give yourself that hands-free experience. (Use a little motor, because a big one may rip your appendage from its root.)

I have big doubts when it comes to VR porn games, especially since 3D sex games are in this “3creepy5u” niche that few who’re actually sane would ever want to touch. This is just one of the countless fuck machines that have been designed over the years, but it’s one that may actually work for penile stimulation. Most others are for penetrating orifices and stimulating the clitoris, and whatever may have been invented to auto-jerk in the past were most likely scrapped due to… broken pencils.

Modded Games and Source Filmmaker Porn

Full-on VR porn opens up a whole new world for modders and SFM porn. For those who are unaware, there’s a subculture on the Internet (not talking about furries) of creators who make adult mods for various games, as well as those who rip and modify character models from games and create porn with them on a program like Source Filmmaker.

Just imagine virtual reality technology in the hands of those guys. I look at all these SFM porn Tumblr blogs and marvel at the level of creativity they’re able to put into 2-second looping GIFs of video game character models emulating sexual behavior in various configurations. (It gets even crazier when you look into dickgirl porn, but that’s another world altogether.)

Here are samples of SFM porn, if you’re not familiar with it.

Game mods go even further, but it’d be absolute bomb if future VR titles are made to be moddable right from the start and attract big enough audiences for modders to make stuff for them. That level of being able to customize one’s experience is pretty much a dreamed-about nirvana in VR adult gaming.

The Dangers of VR Stealth Wanking

Just imagine having a VR headset on your head while doing it and anyone can barge in. I’ve heard quite a few accounts of kids doing it with headphones on or something, then see milk and cookies by the bedside when they’re done, meaning that their mothers went in the room and saw them doing their deed yet just let them proceed and left them their afternoon snack. Doing that with VR porn may make things look more awkward.

“It’s normal, dear. You’re going through that phase now. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” *proceed with awkward birds and bees talk* *insert Taboo here*



Because nothing beats milk and cookies after beating your meat.

Of course, the solution there is to simply lock the door. However, with the headset on and volume turned up for optimal sensory experience, you most likely won’t hear knocks and calls. If it’s a busy household where you’re supposed to be on-call all the time, then you can’t do it during the day. At least at night, you can do it rightly as long as you’re not that sleepy yet and your bed isn’t too squeaky.

When your room really isn’t conducive for such activities, then the bathroom is the next best thing. Put down matting or towels for comfort and away you go. But if your house only has one toilet, then you can’t stay there for long. If you do it at night, you have to make sure that no one there is a light sleeper with an overactive bladder. Also, it also depends on how big and clean your bathroom is. If it’s a cramped outhouse with a funk, that can definitely impact your experience (unless you have a fetish for those conditions).

For the ultra-desperate, a closet or some other remote part of the house will have to do. The space may be a bit too small for you to stretch out, so genital manipulation may be impeded (unless you’re either female or stimulating something else). But if a dog smells you out, a gardener is reaching in the shed for a weed whacker, or your sister is looking for her stilettos in the closet, you’re fucked.

Aftermath and Cleanup

Imagine the awkward fumbling for tissue or towel after doing the deed while you still have the VR headset on. You wouldn’t want the spooge that’s still on your hand to wet and stain the device, so you’ll have to nudge it off your face with your wrist to be able to see what you’re doing. Perhaps you won’t have to when you’ve done it enough times to know where is what and you can feel your way around like a Shaolin master of jerking off.

Wherever your shame sauce ends up, you’ll have to wipe your hands fast enough to then attend to wiping off the rest before it runs down onto the bed. There’s nothing like the surrealness of that moment when your own mother asks you to not leave cumstains on the sheets. (They’re pretty stubborn, you know.) Meanwhile, motels have turned cumstain removal into an exact science. (Maybe you should interview people who work in them.)

If you’re a cumrag user, you have to make sure that it’s there within the line of fire at the right time, but you’ll have to turn to the side and introduce your little soldiers to their eventual crusty demise. It’s a bit more awkward if you’re a cumsock user since you’ll have to get it in there, and the fumbling while trying to get closer to the edge can be frantic and may detract from the climax.

Not sure if it’s easier or harder for females, but perhaps they just have to make sure that they don’t drench the bed.

VR Porn with Chemical Assistance

NOTE: I do not advocate this at all, but it does exist and many people are into it. If you’re not into it, then it’s best to stay away. However, it’s worth knowing the truth about drugs and what they do exactly because ignorance is the main reason why the War on Drugs is costing so many lives and is still a losing battle. To learn more about how drugs affect sex, read this Vice article on the subject. If you want an in-depth look into this world, watch Chemsex—a documentary about the culture of drug-induced sex (FYI: gay sex).

I’m not sure how amyl nitrate can enhance the experience since it’s likely that you’ll have your eyes closed after popping it. But imagine VR porn after dropping LSD, although I’m not sure if you’ll still be focused on self-pleasure when you’re being beamed up the mothership by big-breasted and/or big-cocked aliens.

Perhaps it can help if you’re one of those people that positively reacts to those substances. You better be if you’re trying this shit out because if you happen to be one of those individuals who consistently gets bad trips, then your trip to orgasmo-land will certain detour to the shadow realm. When you return to planet Earth, it wouldn’t be surprising if you’re no longer the same person.

If you go with MDMA, it’s like that you’ll ditch the VR headset and sex aids altogether, find a nightclub, and spoon with a stranger (also hopped up on molly) for the next 18 hours or so.

The Fetishes That Should (Not) Be

Plenty are into certain things that go beyond even the use of drugs in sex. They’re fetishes so niche, you’d rather be celibate than touch them. We’re not just talking furry porn because you know you got a boner when you watched Zootopia. We’re talking about full-on gore, scat, and all that violent and filthy nonsense too filthy for this blog post.

Just imagine vore in VR. Fucking VR vore, where cute girls literally eat you alive, and you actually love it. (That’s territory not even I want to traipse into.)

They’ll become a reality in VR as well. But as consumers, you can choose to avoid that anyway if it’s not for you. (Now if only soccer moms will do so as well and not annoyingly go, “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!?”)

Conclusion

As you can see, I went through quite a bit here. Perhaps it’s more than what you were willing to dig into; it’s certainly too much information for most. However, necessity is indeed the mother of all invention, and there’s a great need for a way to keep creeps occupied by themselves and away from hitting you up on Facebook at 3AM.

If Rule 34 of the Internet is anything to go by, it’s certainly true in this case. If it exists, there’ll be porn of it indeed. In the case of VR porn, it’s a case of inevitability, albeit a much-awaited eventuality.

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