WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) dropped his plans to sue President Obama on Friday, explaining to reporters, “I realized it would mean doing something.”

In a brief appearance before the press, Speaker Boehner talked about his gradual realization that “filing a lawsuit requires effort and, yes, work.”

“I came to the conclusion that while suing the President would be the best thing for the American people, it would also require that I do something,” he said, struggling to retain his composure. “And that would be a betrayal of everything I stand for.”

Mr. Boehner’s decision drew praise from fellow Republicans, including Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky), who called it “courageous.”

“I know this was a very difficult decision for John,” McConnell said. “But at the end of the day you have to be true to your core values.”

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Photograph by T.J. Kirkpatrick/Getty.