Forget what Cornershop said about bosoms.

What everyone really needs, is a thicc butt for a pillow.

But sadly, when we try to slumber on the closest bums we can find, the owner of said bum tends to protest.

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‘I’m not at all comfortable,’ they say. ‘Please stop trying to use parts of my body as cushioning for your head.’


So alas, we struggle. We rest our heads on plain old pillows, dreaming of butts and their comforting embrace.

Well, no more. We may not be able to have an actual hiney upon which we can drift into dreamtown, but imagining our Ikea purchase is in fact a bottom has just become a touch easier.



You can now by pants for your pillow.

Behold Pillowpanties. They’re little cotton underwear that fit on a standard pillow.

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If you’re asking why anyone would want Pillowpanties, then clearly you are not a true devotee to thiccness.

True fans of a thicc caboose don’t just write letters on Instagram explaining why they deserve a round of applause for loving their curvy wife.

They don’t just appreciate the fine ripples of a house.

No, True thiccness lovers think of thicc butts not just in their waking moments, but in their sleeping ones, too. Every minute of their days and nights must feature a thicc bum in some way.

(Picture: Village Vanguard)

And thus, Pillowpanties exist.

The video ad for the pants recommends sniffing your pantied pillow to help you drift off, even including handy illustrations of stains to help you visualise your pillow being an actual human being that produces fluids.

‘Good to sniff!’ says the product description. ‘It is fetish bedding!’

Now, if you’re really into the idea of pants-themed interiors, don’t you worry your little head. VillageVanguard has all the hot designs you need.

There are giant pants you can use as a blanket, a pants flannel, and even tiny pants you can put on a penis. Hooray!

(Picture: Village Vanguard)

Basically, whatever you desire, whether it’s a bum to rest your head upon, a pillow you can pretend to be in a relationship with, or just a tastefully decorated home filled with underwear, you’re covered.

What a wonderful time to be alive and with access to the internet. Without Village Vanguard, your interior design skills would be a bit pants.

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