Leaked WWE documents revealed today that the main event of WrestleMania 32 will see apelike former champion Brock Lesnar square off against play-by-play commentator Michael Cole.

Cole has reportedly vowed revenge against Lesnar, who went on a violent rampage Monday that resulted in Cole being hospitalized and losing one of his favorite leather loafers.

The leaked documents were published today by wrestling journalist John Canton, who received them from a confidential insider source identifying himself only as “Z. Ryder.”

Cole suffered a “severe contusion to his external occipital protuberance,” said WWE medic Dr. Robert Marella, adding that Cole “will not be physically capable of plugging the WWE App for at least six weeks.”

Though many believe Cole will be drastically outmatched for his WrestleMania showdown against Lesnar, Cole issued a statement today reminding fans that he has a flawless win-loss at WrestleMania, having defeated Jerry Lawler at the 2011 incarnation of the event.

“Vintage me,” said Cole.

[Kudos to the aforementioned John Canton of TJRWrestling.net for the inspiration!]