I walked to Temple Square yesterday, arm in arm and shoulder to shoulder with my sisters. I witnessed a quiet, peaceful, respectful action of love and yearning. There was no shouting. There were no demands. There was no disrespect. We were greeted warmly by a representative from church public affairs, Kim Farah, who hugged each of us and welcomed us and reassured us of the church’s love for us.

I left the action renewed and even hopeful. The calm, peaceful expression of our desire for greater gender equality in the church seemed to have been met graciously and hospitably, with a tone and an approach that was mature and loving. Though it was clear that this didn’t represent any sort of willingness on the part of church leaders to change or even consider a change to existing priesthood policies, there was a sense of camaraderie and friendship in the exchange. I felt as though the message Sister Farah conveyed was, “No, we don’t agree with you, but you are still our brothers and sisters in Christ.”

After the action, one friend even said, with tears in her eyes, “Look at how we were received. We’re not going to be kicked out. The days of fear are over. We have nothing to fear anymore.”

This is as it should be in the Body of Christ. Paul made it explicit that the Body has many parts, and each is needful—that no part can say to the other, “I have no need of thee,” for just as a human body needs hands and feet, heart and lungs, even armpits and digestive systems to function properly, so the church needs each of us. This teaching reminds us that without all our perspectives, talents, and gifts working together for the good of the Kingdom, we are living below our privileges.

Currently, we Mormons are far from this ideal. Not only does 50% of the population lack basic representation at the table through systematic gender inequality, but more often than not, those with divergent views are pushed out, marginalized, and silenced. Yesterday’s reception felt like a small step in the right direction—a sense that perhaps there is some loosening, some listening, some desire on the part of the institution to take this concept seriously.

Then last night, over pasta with some friends, we saw the church’s official response pop up in our Facebook feeds.

It was a knife in the back.

From The Salt Lake Tribune:

“Despite polite and respectful requests from church leaders not to make Temple Square a place of protest, a mixed group of men and women ignored that request and staged a demonstration outside the Tabernacle on General Conference weekend, refusing to accept ushers’ directions and refusing to leave when asked,” church spokesman Cody Craynor wrote in an email Saturday evening. “While not all the protesters were members of the church, such divisive actions are not the kind of behavior that is expected from Latter-day Saints and will be as disappointing to our members as it is to church leaders.”

This depiction of the action is disingenuous at best and dishonest at worst. I was there personally, and never heard anyone ask us to leave. What’s more, I have asked many people, including several official OW representatives, and none of them received a request to leave, nor did we fail to comply with any usher’s requests. I repeat, the depiction from church PR in no way reflects the scene I observed.

But perhaps even more disappointing than the flexibility with the facts is the overall message the statement conveys to the membership. From their initial request asking OW to stand in the “free speech zones” to last night’s heartbreaking spin, I am becoming increasingly concerned that their strategy is designed to give cues to the membership how to view us—as rabble rousers, outsiders, haters, disobedient apostates; people to be ignored or even ridiculed.

In a word: Other.

In so doing, I am concerned that they are trying to amputate us from the Body of Christ.

Whether or not that’s their objective, that’s certainly the effect. Search the #ordainwomen hashtag on Twitter or read the comments on Facebook. Church members feel they have permission to make personal, judgmental comments about their brothers and sisters in Christ as it relates to our testimonies and commitment to the gospel. Here is just a small handful of the kinds of things that are being said…

“Satan is having a great day.” “Sisters, if you must hold office, start your own church.” “I am truly shocked to see that this group has formed among women that are active members. Obviously, their faith is lacking in their prophet & many other things pertaining to the scriptures & history of the church.” “So is this a new anti-Mormon group under cover?” “You absolutely cannot have a testimony of the church and it’s leaders when you think you know better than they do. You really should be ashamed of yourselves, but even that is difficult to do when you are ‘past feeling’.” “Apostacy is no new thing to have happened; what you are staging and carrying-on is no different than any apostate group that has ever rose up and left the church. If you do not agree with the doctrine, LEAVE.” “Why are Ordain Women still members of the church? Why don’t you leave what you disagree with?”

I’m frustrated by these comments—they lack love and empathy. But I understand the people who say these things and I have compassion for them. They are reading the script the institution has written for them. They are, devastatingly, following the example of their leaders and spokespeople.

Look, maybe women’s ordination really isn’t God’s will. It’s possible. I sincerely believe it is, but I could be wrong—wrongness is part of this whole mortality thing, after all.

But the challenge and promise of the Body of Christ is that we work together despite our differences. This doesn’t mean marginalizing and shunning the already disenfranchised (the ones Jesus took special care to reach, I might add), but having difficult conversations with the people with whom we disagree most, and giving each other grace and space to disagree and still claim each other, as a token of our shared commitment to living out the message of Christ’s love.

Who knows? Maybe Ordain Women is the butt of the church. I freely admit that could be the case. But as unglamorous as butts may be, we need our butts every bit as much as we need our hands, our eyes, our mouths, our feet. If we’re the butt of the church, perhaps our role is to clear out some of the gunk that’s accumulated in the Body, so that the entire Body can function more effectively and fluidly.

In any case, just like in life, when a Body part is hurting, the solution isn’t to amputate—it’s to attend to it with care. The church’s response felt like a carving knife, when a lovetap and a comfortable chair would have done just fine.