It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!

Dreamcatcher – Endless Night

I’m enjoying Dreamcatcher’s newfound return to heaviness, and this Japanese market song is probably their most metallic yet – for once the riffs are the best thing about the song and it’s actually the melody writing that’s lagging behind.

Craxy – Aria

Blackpink on a budget with multiple “stunning” setpieces and a song with not much melody that sounds like an annoying football crowd chant.

Alexa – Do Or Die

Alexa’s future-concept looks great but her music is still stuck in boring yolo trends from a few years ago.

Yezi – Home

Imagine building up all that stock as a “badass rapper” or whatever the fuck and then flushing it all down the toilet because “mature image” or whatever. It’s not a terrible song but if all Yezi’s fans were asked straight after “Anck Su Namum” what they wanted her to do next, this wouldn’t have been on anyone’s list.

Oli London – Mirror Mirror

The song’s pretty cringe but honestly I like it more because of that fact – like watching Neil Hamburger, the appeal of Oli London isn’t in the act itself, but in everyone else’s reactions.

NCT 127 – Kick It

A song that mostly succeeds thanks to that kick-ass guitar riff which makes the rap parts sound great, just a pity that so much of the song is taken up with silly shouting that drowns out the song’s main strength.

Ab6ix (Lim Youngmin) – Break Up

You’d want to hope that they were able to nail those water scenes on the first take and the director didn’t do a Stanley Kubrick and make him wave his arms 50 times in a row until it was “just right”.

Viini ft. Lee Suhyun, Bloo – Love The Moon

I knew before even clicking on this that Suhyun wasn’t going to be in the video so I’m not sure why I even bothered.

Dress, Sogumm ft. Zico – My Taste

Those old Motorola flip phones sucked and so does this song.

John Park – March Lover

“March lover”, does that mean in April he’s going to stop returning your calls?

Ovan – I Need You

He looks as unimpressed as I am.

Stella Jang – Recipe

This came out last week and I deliberately ignored it because it’s basically just a boring lyrics video but people keep fucking asking for it so here’s your review – meh.

Blue Lamb – Island

It’s almost good and at least it’s not the usual wanky bullshit ballads are but it’s still too drawn out for me to really get into.

2NYNE – Tara-y-a

More shouting about something or other – the lack of a T-ara reformation, perhaps.

Adios Audio – Dissolve

Not outstanding but a great piano section really helps this song out.

Lowtape – Love Padlocks

I know that they are actually recording (even if the recording they’re making isn’t the one you’re hearing) because setting up drum microphones and a multicore is a pain in the ass and nobody at this tier would do that just for looks.

Lee Naeun, Lee Jinsol – Matter Of Time

For some reason I forgot to put April’s latest subunit ballad trash in the roundup last week despite having every intention to include it. The animation is pretty crisp, imagine working on all that for some stupid ballad everybody is going to forget even exists in about two weeks.

CMBY – Everything

Another video that is basically “perving on some random chick but trying to make it look as much like art as possible so nobody calls us out”.

BLNK – Love Is

It doesn’t sound too bad until the vocals start, then it’s all over. Total trash.

Chu Hwa Jeong – On My Own

The complete lack of OH&S compliance here is frightening. The crash barrier is there for a reason, get on the other side of it before some idol group has another scheule and their van comes flying through there at 50kms above the speed limit.

Gwang Yo ft. CSP & Oh Sumin – Blue Light

Since we’re going to have blatant product promotion here someone tell me what a “Cass – fresh” tastes like and if it’s any better or worse than the music here.

Motte – Elevator

There’s a lot of dummies in this video.

DPR Live – Legacy

It’s sad times when shitty Korean yolo rappers have enough money to simulate space flight, but not enough presence of mind to launch themselves to Mars for real so we don’t have to put up with their bullshit music.

A.new – Be A Rich (Money Rain Shower)

It’s not enough to be a k-pop, now people also want to be a rich. When I listen to this I want to be a deaf.

Badroom – Fxxkin’ Perfect

Definitely not as advertised.

Moonsun – Days Of Being Wild

Nor is this.

Lee Ho Suk – When Looking Down From The Crossing Bridge

Wouldn’t it be cool if by strapping wings on he could actually fly for real, then he could take this song and fuck off somewhere in the sky so I don’t have to hear it again.

Y?UH – Living Room

I like their artist/band name because it’s exactly the sound I think I would make if someone woke me up from my slumber after I dozed off halfway through their songs.

Kim Si-Won – We Last Moment

She looks like she’s been out in the sun too long and the director has been yelling at her for the past five hours to lipsync in time.

Dailog – It’s Been A While

When you hear this trash you’d wish you could turn back time three minutes too.

Lee Soo Young – Find Me

The YouTube channel title “New Era Project” sounds ominous, like some awful religious crap. Somebody investigate and tell me how god-bothering this is.

Chung Seungje, 6Band – To My Students

No idea what he’s singing about, I’m going to guess that this is some kind of motivational song that says “chin up class, study hard and you can achieve your dreams of working unpaid overtime in a shitty job for the rest of your life”. If I were his student I would form a punk band and write a song called “To My Teacher: Korean Society Sucks, Fuck Your Shitty Song”.

Davii – Angel

Part of the crime of R&B is that occasionally the beats behind it show promise but the singing kills every last hint of potential stone dead. Somewhere there’s somebody compiling a list of all the backing tracks that were destroyed by R&B vocals. Pretty sure that person is a reader of this blog.

Raphan ft. Enob – White Night

Tip for videomakers: copyright automatically applies to your creation, you don’t have to watermark every single second with a copyright announcement, not that anyone would bother to rip off anything in this case anyway.

Don Malik – 20180222-20180930

One of my pet hates is animation in cartoons or computer games where the speed of the footsteps don’t properly sync up to the scrolling speed of whatever the person or animal is supposed to be walking on, so they unintentionally look like they’re ice-skating across the ground. This video is problematic and I am triggered.

Love X Stereo – All Over Again

A really cool song actually, and I like the 360° video, even though the camera doesn’t spend nearly enough time with doggo in the back seat.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Laura went beserk

Love X Stereo are good and all but they need to take some cues from UZA. K-pop fans want animal content. That’s one thing that I’ve learned from livestreaming for a year. Anyway in this video UZA’s cat Laura attacks a fabric fish because that’s how it is.

That’s it for this week – Kpopalypse returns with more roundup next week!