Bills (ex wife) @ Saints (current wife)

“How I Divorced The Buffalo Bills” – Short Story, Part 1

Many moons ago, my Buffalo Bills week began on Wednesday night. Ritualistically gathering #’s for the tailgate, developing spreadsheets for catering, shopping, developing menus, shopping and shopping and more shopping. Started menu prep, ticket updates, followed by constant Bills analysis and radio listening, followed by Buffalo Bills banter with my buds. Travel way too many miles, more food prep, 5am wakeup calls, 6-hour tailgates and many courses and copious libations, followed sometimes deathly-cold temps and snow or rain, and the ceremonial traditions of the Bills crapping the bed. Throughout the week and day of game, I would follow the Who Dat nation via radio, follow injury reports up to kick-off, and get updated scores of the Saints throughout the day.

The return to the vehicle after a usual Buffalo loss, (though an occasional “happy hat” could be worn with that once-in-awhile “The Bills Make Me Wanna Shout” day of a last minute upset) to avoid traffic jams near “The Ralph”. Not a happy time, nor was the subsequent verbal diarrhea the entire Bills franchise had to endure on Buffalo sports radio Sunday afternoon, Monday morning and well into the week, until the next game was overanalyzed. There were many years, and more acutely, many weeks of “Well, there’s always next week!”

In 2005, I traveled with the Bills who were to play the Saints in San Antonio where Hurricane Katrina displaced them for several weeks. One of the great pleasures of my entire sad, pathetic life was cooking for several hundred Katrina victims before the game. It was about 106 degrees F and I was slinging red meat life a farmer’s kid bails hay. I was amazed at how resilient tens of thousands of Saints fans were. Just kicked in the nads by Katrina, Buffalo’esque tolerance of many years of the “Aints” and Monday mornings.

But the second line (i.e. here) and the revelry was second to none in the NFL. The Saints beat the Bills that day, and what I remember the most was a fan base that had their lives decimated, but their spirit remained, even when there revived football club lead by Aaron Brooks was no better than a plain vanilla ice cream cone.

The story will be, at minimum a two chapter comedic bit in my autobiography in a few years. But all in all, the Saints signed by Drew Jesus and Sean Payton in the offseason, and I mastered gumbo and jambalaya, and the rest is history. I DIVORCED THE BUFFLAO BILLS, AND MARRIED THE WHO DAT NATION. It was more about of divorcing 1 woman, and remarrying into 1 cult.

So when I say the Bills are like my ex-wife…and like… I REALLY WANT THEM TO DO WELL, so that my ex-wife and kids are happy, I mean it!

But, on the other hand, not this week! Not in the slightest, my Bills friends!

This week’s visit by the Bills to the Mercedes “Gimme One” Superdome is like having my ex-wife and the kids over for dinner at my new condo off of Bourbon Street, with my current spouse, where you can be sure that I will be parading around my current sexy wife’s new trophy breast implants and just acquired Master’s Degree. She’s already given me a golden child (Super Bowl Ring 3 years ago), and no matter what happens, ME happy boy!

But I really want my ex-wife (Bills) and kids to be happy in their own right. I’d be okay with a 32-31 game where my ex and kids come out of it saying that “I am proud of my Bills as they almost pulled one out in one of the best home field advantages in the NFL.

But, if the Saints blow the Bills out by 6 touchdowns, and my Sunday smoked duck and Andouille sausage gumbo was the best mind-blowing dish ever, that would be okay, too!

Part 2 of the story forthcoming later in the season.

Bullet Point Analysis – Bills:

• Have won just 2 games indoors in the past 10 years (2-6), but did beat the Cardinals last year

• Bills join the Broncos as the only 2 teams to have scored 20+ pts. every game

• Doug Marrone was Sean Payton and Drew Brees Offensive Coordinator 2006-2008

• Marrone doesn’t have many blemishes on his new Bills resume (outside of a few clock mgmt. problems, and a few down and distance decisions)

• Marrone continues to play the “nobody believes in us” and “we can be right in the thick of things with the Pats, Dolphins and Jets”, and Bills Backers are mostly buying it!

• CJ Spiller (ankle) appears out, and Manny Lawson (hammy) is

• Rookie Kiko Alonso is third in the NFL in tackles with 70 (Chris Speilman-like #’s) and is tied for first with four interceptions.

• The Bills lead the league with 12 interceptions overall, and overall has shown phenomenal ball skills, and have been opportunistic even through the early season defensive injuries

• Bills D though, is 28th vs. Run

• Thad Lewis is solid; solid as I would have expected Manuel to be had he not had the injury.

• Thad Lewis remains one of the 12 of 32 QB’s not an opening day QB

• Thad Lewis can lead this team to victory vs. a very hungry and “residual chip on the shoulder after NFL screwjob” Saints team

• NFL has now done a screwjob on the Bills too, with this 2013 schedule – facing 5 teams off a bye. “Facing an opponent with extra preparation time is a decided disadvantage, one that the league must strive to correct. It’s very difficult to call the NFL a league of parity when there’s one team with half of their division games against clubs with extra time to rest and prepare, while another in the same division has none. The league simply has to do better.” via Chris Brown of BuffaloBills.com

Bullet Point Analysis – Saints:

• Jimmy Graham questionable and probably won’t play. Why? Yes, he should rest the ankle (ya know the ankle caused by a Pat’s mid route horse collar hold (see last week’s post), but Lancelot returns – Lance Moore returns. Drew’s fave, at least I believe that.

• Lance Moore, the Saints best route runner, should have a big impact, as Drew has targeted Graham and RB’s way too much and the rest of the offense has suffered

• Brees has some peculiar stats: 397 yards and 27 points per game, but leads NFL in passes to RBs (69 in ttl.)

• Brees is protecting the ball, 8 TD’s and 1 INT in the last 3 games.

• Jonathon Vilma returns. So what. Minimal impact.

• Cam Jordan, all pro to this point of the season, is a little banged up.

• Saints have won last 4 coming off the bye.

• Bills, as said above are generally pathetic vs. the run. Saints pathetic running the ball, though they don’t ever seen to care when Darren Sproles and Pierre Thomas are catching more 4-7 yd. flares, screens, quick outs and they’re considered the equivalent. Something has to give!

• Saints control the clock, 2nd in NFL in 33 minutes per game.

When Bills have the ball:

Rob Ryan will stack the box, forcing plenty of single coverage. Robert Woods will have a big day.

Saints will play a bend-don’t break 1st half. Gimpy Fred Jackson will have his moments, but will be directly correlated to Thad’s ability to handle the noise, subsequent checks at the line.

When Saints have the ball:

Gimpy RT Jon Stinchcomb will have his hand full with Mario Williams (10 sacks, 2nd in NFL). Expect a lot of 1-2 and 2-2 personnel, and a solid blocking Ben Watson to do a lot of chipping. Brees will force a lot of throws to get Moore, Marquise Colston and the young’uns to get into the game, where they have been absent most of the year, regardless of a 5 and 1 record. I see a 300 yds. 3 TD passing day, but Saints offense will have to overcome an uncharacteristic 2 or 3 turnovers vs. an opportunistic Bills defense.

Bills will play a good game, and in the end, are never out of it. If they can keep Drew & co. to 3 scores in the first half, it will be a game. If not, this could be a blowout. Saints will be seeing as tough a stretch in their schedule this next month, and want all engines on full when they exit Week 8.

They are motivated, and yet cerebral to play a great game, as they USUALLY do in the Dome.

Saints 32 Bills 24

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