EDMONTON – The government of Alberta reiterated today that the province considers workers in the oil industry to be essential while workers in the essential-oil industry are considered non-essential.

“There’s been some confusion, but it’s very simple,” Premier Jason Kenney said in a press conference today to clarify the provincial government’s position. “Essential oil workers are to continue working during the pandemic, essential-oil workers are not. Questions? No? Okay. This press conference is over.”

Essential-oil workers don’t understand why their industry isn’t getting the same consideration as the oil sands industry, despite the fact that one vial (10 ml) of birch essential-oil produced in Alberta is currently selling for more than twice the price of one barrel (150000 ml) of Alberta oil sands oil.

“I don’t see why I’m not considered essential when the prices of my products haven’t once dipped below zero dollars a barrel,” said essential-oil producer Lucy Palmer. “Not to mention the fact that demand for non-essential-oil is at an all time low while demand for essential-oil is going up as people need the stress relief, and, let’s face it, olfactory relief they provide after weeks of being stuck in their homes.”

Alberta’s essential-oil industry was further dismayed when the Alberta government began encouraging essential-oil consumers to switch to using bitumen in their diffusers to help the province sell off some its growing backlog.