Dear Google,

We need to talk.

This has gone on for a long time now, and we’ve hoped that you’d take the hint, but that obviously hasn’t happened. So we need to be very blunt about it.

Rejection is unpleasant for everyone involved, and telling someone you don't like them when they’ve given you so much can destroy a friendship. We hope that doesn’t happen. We think you're really cool, we still want to be friends, but we’re never going to be more than that. We think you deserve to hear that.

We don’t want to hurt your feelings. We’ve treasured the moments where you’ve helped us find movie times or when we couldn’t remember where we pay our electric bill, but you’re obviously more invested in this than we are. You’re holding out for something that isn’t going to happen.