CANADA – Young men across the nation have confirmed that they will be spending this Friday night – and each Friday night for the foreseeable future – shouting, yelling, or simply speaking very loudly in a residential area.

“First, we will probably visit a local bar for several hours,” said Mike Reynolds, a representative for the group of boisterous twentysomethings. “Then we will migrate to areas that contain houses or small apartment buildings. That’s when we’ll begin hollering about nothing in particular.”

“And yes, there will be horseplay.”

However, the young men were less clear on other aspects of the night, indicating that activities could range from smashing empty beer bottles on the sidewalk to singing half-remembered lyrics from songs to just laughing loudly at nothing.

“While there is always room for on-the-ground improvisation in a strategy of this magnitude, the broad strokes remain consistent,” said Reynolds. “We will be loud and we will be just outside where you live.”

At press time, it was three in the fucking morning.