You’ve just stumbled home from the bar in your scuffed up heels. You arrive at your house. You make your way straight to the kitchen, only to find leftover pita wraps and Fiber One bars. You want to drunk eat, which means you must consume a couple thousand calories–and Fiber One bars just won’t do it. What do you do? Call Domino’s, duh.

Pizza is love. Pizza is sex. Pizza could practically lead to an orgasm. Pizza always makes you happy, although sometimes it ends in regret, like a drunken hook up. Pizza never tells you it doesn’t love you, and you can share it if you can’t handle it all. Pizza is what makes the world go round. For one man, every girl’s dream of having sex with pizza came true.

This man bitterly argued on Twitter with Domino’s–for not warning customers that having sexual relations with hot pizza hurts. He goes on to complain that the pizza actually burnt his penis. Yes, he burned his penis. Via Twitter, he stated, “I HAVE A MULTITUDE OF PEPPERONI PIECES STUCK TO MY BALLS AND MY PENIS IS SCORCHED.”

.@Dominos_UK HELLO I’VE JUST MADE LOVE TO ONE OF YOUR PIZZAS AND BURNT MY PENIS SEVERELY. PLEASE ADVISE ON YOUR TERMS FOR A REFUND. THANKS. — LAD_VIGO (@ITK_AGENT_VIGO) February 24, 2014

.@Dominos_UK DISGUSTING FOB OFF,YOUR STAFF SHOULD INFORM CUSTOMERS ABOUT THE DANGERS OF MAKING LOVE TO YOUR PIZZA. WHY IS THIS NOT IN PLACE? — LAD_VIGO (@ITK_AGENT_VIGO) February 24, 2014

.@Dominos_UK I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS, NOT HAPPY AT ALL, I HAVE A MULTITUDE OF PEPPERONI PIECES STUCK TO MY BALLS AND MY PENIS IS SCORCHED. — LAD_VIGO (@ITK_AGENT_VIGO) February 24, 2014

.@Dominos_UK LOOK, I’VE TRIED EMAILING YOUR HEAD OFFICE WITH NO SUCCESS BUT NOW THE PIZZA WANTS TO GIVE ME A BLOW JOB, PLEASE ADVISE. — LAD_VIGO (@ITK_AGENT_VIGO) February 24, 2014

@indiantank @ITK_AGENT_VIGO It is definitely recommended, as that is not what is expected of our pizzas. We raised them better than that! — Domino’s Pizza UK (@Dominos_UK) February 24, 2014

[via Huffington Post]

Image via Hospitality and Catering News