I admittedly read a lot of child-free articles, blogs and books. I feel somewhat comforted in knowing there are women and men out there who have made the same decision as me, go through the same child-free bingoes and have similar emotions regarding Facebook mommy zombies, reproductive rights and so on, etc. I am especially keen to the more personal posts about the difficult decision to have children–or not to have them, sometimes the whole point and purpose of some blogs. I understand the mental and emotional calamity of making such a decision for some. With family members, pregnant and childed friends, a partner/husband/wife who may or may not feel the same way, advertising and social conditioning, etc–it is definitely something to sleep on.

I probably felt a bit of doubt at first, but nothing like the waves of relief and peace of mind I experienced. I have experienced “baby envy”, I have had the “what if…” but ultimately, at the end of the day I’m very happy with my decision not to have any kids. I don’t think I’m going to live the rest of my life in anguish over the decision, either. Some pro-lifers and parents want you to think if you don’t make the jump and have a child, you’re going to regret it and live with this nagging feeling at the back of your head forever. But I don’t think so. I don’t think about having children every single day anyways, because I’m busy making a living, spending time with friends, shopping, playing with my dogs and enjoying hobbies. If I feel sadness about my decision, it is usually very fleeting–like when a very adorable biracial child flashes on the TV screen–and I imagine being her mother. But then I ask myself, “Would I be happy being her/his parent for 18 years?” And the answer remains the same. No.