The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug doesn’t open until this Friday, but some critics saw it early, and dared to express negative opinions about it. And nothing angers people on the internet like criticizing something that they haven’t seen, especially something that they’re reeeeeally sure is going to be super good! It’s like you reviewed their capacity to feel joy and gave it a D. They demand satisfaction!

First, some comments from a review over at ThePlaylist, in which writer Rodrigo Perez had the temerity to rate the Hobbit a C. This despite him apparently liking the first Hobbit, which does make me question his sanity a little. The commenters, however, hated him for other reasons.

JAMES: What an utter pile of shit this review is.. It’s as though the reviewer went into the film having planned what he was going to write already, maybe he should try to have a bit of an open mind and remember that this is only the second part. I’d love to see this ‘reviewer’ achieve what Peter Jackson has achieved, and i’d love to see his version of The Hobbit seeing as he seems to think this adaptation is so poor. It amazes me how people like this guy are able to get advanced screenings of films. What a complete and utter first class bellend. Yes many people will complain that it’s the ‘writers opinion’ and I would be fine with that but why has he written it like his opinion is fact?

Is there anything so perfectly internet as a commenter criticizing a reviewer for “having their mind up before they saw the film!” about a film that that commenter has not himself seen? You don’t come across such perfectly earnest unself-awareness every day. Well, unless you review sci-fi/fantasy stuff every day. In that case you probably do.

THOMAS BABYLON [lol]: To be ohnest I actually loved the first film od this trilogy of the “Middle Earth Saga”. I suspect I will feel the same for the second (to be determined). Mr. Jackson is one of the greatest filmakers of all time, and has done nothing but ohnored Sir Tolkien wirh all these films to date. That being said…this critical review of “Smaug” is extremely confusing to behold. Why??? Well at times he is actually praising the film as much as he is putting it down. Only to side on the negative. Hate to be him.

This review is so confusing! I think I’m going to like this film and I expected the review to too! Mom!