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“Hey, I wonder what Andrei Markov’s been up to lately?”

If this question popped into your head at any point this off-season, you’re quickly going to regret that thought. Apparently the former Montreal Canadiens defenseman has starred in a Russian pop music video. I use the word “apparently” because I’m not entirely sure what I just saw was reality.

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TRIGGER WARNING: you may think you want to see this but I’m warning you right now that you don’t. Whatever perceptions you had of Markov as a hard-as-nails Soviet-era tough guy will melt away after experiencing this. Once, when I covered the Canadiens for this newspaper, I looked into Markov’s eyes and honestly believed he could read my mind. So I never did that again.

Now I’m not sure what to believe anymore.

In the video, posted to Markov’s Instagram account Tuesday, the former Habs star embraces his wife, Sonya Sonechka, delivers a handful of balloons to their children and plays peek-a-boo behind a pastel umbrella. Put mildly, it’s an unsettling series of images. We’re meant to see Markov crushing other men’s dreams on the ice not tenderly caring for other humans.

It’s like watching Darth Vader eat waffles or listening to a hip hop album recorded by Pope Francis.