Kristy Fawkes is a 47 year old catholic non-smoker who was diagnosed with an aggressive throat cancer just last year. Prior to the cancer she was a very involved in music as a solo artist writing and performing her own songs with a drum machine and a clarinet often at her local church.

Since the surgery to remove the cancer Kristy despite sounding like an alligator going through puberty when she talks she can still toot a mean jazz number with either airways and since she found out she can play an instrument with both her mouth and throat at once the timing is almost perfectly in-sync since she blows both instruments with the same breath making her a very valuable player in the jazz world. Holding the instruments up with an apparatus made of duct tape and octopus straps that her handy boyfriend James was able to put together thus freeing up her hands to each play one instrument paring the clarinet with a kazoo or trumpet for example.

She uploaded a video of her playing a 2 person piece on her own with a clarinet and a Melodica onto YouTube and despite most of the comments letting her know how gross it all looked asking if her boyfriend had ‘stuck his wiggler in the new hole yet?’she had been noticed by the incredibly pretentious its Jazz not ‘jazz’ Jazz Orchestra known for songs such as Jazz in a flannel, Trom-bone, Big ol’ steaming load-a-scat and Anal sex.

Arguments have become easier to win says Kristy “Not having to stop to take a breath helps”

Kristy now calls her nose Tigerair because that airway is beyond fucked.