Colton Haynes is on one of the covers of Attitude‘s 25th anniversary issue.

Here’s what the 30-year-old actor had to share with the mag…

On his downward spiral amid his divorce from Jeff Leatham and his mother’s tragic passing: “I came out and, in a way, my downward spiral started. I felt extremely free but at the same time the amount of attention I was getting was making me spin out of control. I got married and that didn’t work out. That was extremely public and heart-breaking, and right when that was going on, my mom died. That was only a year ago. At that point, I fell apart. My brain broke. I was doing this massive comedy for a studio, showed up to work and got fired on the first day. They said I looked as if I had ‘dead in my eyes’ — and I did. I think it was the best decision in the world to fire me. I got so heavily involved with drugs and alcohol to mask the pain I was feeling that I couldn’t even make some decisions for myself. I was drowning in my own sh*t.”

On how his drug taking and drinking ended in hospitalization: “I locked myself in a hotel room at the Waldorf Astoria in Beverly Hills for seven days and was found in my room with these bruises all over my body. It looked as if somebody had beaten the sh*t out of me. I couldn’t walk, so I was falling everywhere. I almost ruptured my kidney, ended up in the hospital, ended up on 5150 [a temporary and involuntary] psyche hold. I was on such a destructive path that I could not function.”

On going to rehab and being sober: “I was in treatment for four months. I came out six months ago. It’s just a different life now. It’s the best gift I’ve ever been given. I was ready to try to live an authentic life because most of my life was so f*cking fake. I loved to blame other people, and other situations, until I started dealing with the fact that I was the root of all these problems… It’s like this rebirth. I now feel things, which is something I’d not done for a decade. I was numb.”

For more from Colton, visit Attitude.co.uk.