I swore off preordering games or playing early access games thanks to No Man’s Sky’s historically horrific launch and my disappointment with Conan Exiles. I made exceptions for games such as Monster Hunter Worlds (great), Assassins Creed Odyssey (flop) and Titanfall 2 (incredible).

I don’t just play games. I obsess. I’m halfway through my 4th play through of The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, clocking 494 hours to date… That can tell you 1 of 2 things; The Witcher 3 is my one of my all time favourite games, and that I have a serious problem.

My current fixation is a game called Satisfactory, by Coffee Stain Studios. It’s in early access, I’ve owned it since July 31 and I’ve already put in 133 hours at the time of writing this. Right now I have it running on my gaming PC so I can pool my products.

If you haven’t heard of this game before, it’s a game where you make products out of materials with almost endless progression; for example you take iron ore to make iron rods and plates, which in turn you use to make all sorts of things such as screws, reinforced plates and frames which in turn are used for more and more products down the line as well as structural things conveyor belts, walls, conveyor lifts, ramps and walkways etc. There are other elements such as coal can be burned to provide your factory with power, made to make steel or explosives, limestone for concrete, copper for wires and cables. It’s an endless grind of production. You have to consider power consumption, load balancing, storage. A lot of time goes into planning and working out the maths before you even start building. Once you have all the maths right and every machine has been built, you look back one what you’ve made and this rush of pride and satisfaction just fills you.

My girlfriend wanted to know what all the fuss was about, so she sat down at my PC, I set up a new game and helped her understand why I’m so obsessed with this game. By the end of the session she understood. Constant checklisting, planning, milestones, upgrades, optimisation and progression. I haven’t played a game this immersive since games like Skyrim or the Witcher.

I need projects to keep my mind busy. At the start of the year I painted and decorated the living room in my house, a few months later I moved from the back bedroom to the front and decided to do a full on redecorating job; papering, plastering, shelves, painting, light fittings, the lot! This occupied me for around a month and I was so satisfying to have something to work on and something to be proud of at the end.

I got my little whiteboard and wrote checklists, ticking off each job as I went. Painted the old room and now I wake up to my room everyday and this feeling of accomplishment hits me

I view gaming as a hobby, with a pinch of escapism, it’s so easy to lose myself for hours, reluctantly coming out of the daze and be put back into this world. I get irritable the longer I play. I can easily and willfully spend my entire day off in a game, I come out unsociable, irate and snappy.

Do I have a problem? I wouldn’t have said so until I read a book called Lost Connections by Johann Hari, in which it describes gaming as a way to get back to our ‘tribal self’; in multiplayer games you use vast amounts of teamwork, communication etc. Other games require problem solving and planning things through. In Monster Hunter world you have to prepare for your next fight, constantly.

The part I’m referring to in Lost Connections talks about a man who has a video game addiction. He skips work to play games, one day finding he has a problem, tries to kick the habit, only years later he did the same thing again, got fired, lied to his wife and fell into debt.

When I read that I immediately “Oh my god, I do have video-game addiction…” sometimes I wake up in the night, 2 or 3 am and if I can’t get back to sleep after an hour or so I find myself at my desk. I play for hours and hours, on a day off I could be playing for 8 to 10 hours at a time and maybe 4 to 6 on a work day.

Most online games like Satisfactory, Monster Hunter World and Titanfall 2 don’t allow you to pause the game, but even games with an actual pause feature I hate pressing it, even to go to the toilet. Going for a Jimmy Riddle is the most annoying and inconvenient thing, it tends to spring out of nowhere at the worst possible moment and I have a shy bladder so one minute I’m fine, the next I’m about to explode. In games like Titanfall 2 you can’t afford to away from the action for too long. Matches are 10 to 15 minutes long and people play like hungry murderous gymnasts, if they see a flash of red and a chance, they will swoop down and brutalise you in an instant, all while free running around the walls, bouncing over obstacles, doing pirouettes.

I downright ignore my phone, most of the time I honestly don’t hear it, other times I hear it vibrate or chime and I go to answer it and try to play at the same time but then something else happens and I’m sucked back into the dream-like trance. Add to that my poor short term memory and I won’t reply for hours. That works for me though, I hate looking at my phone, meanwhile I grow more and more distant from those around me.

In my most depressed states I can sit at the desk for hours at a time, but when I’m in a great mood or have things to do I see it as a reward at the end of a long day. It isn’t the route cause of my depression or irritation with world, it’s an escape.

Now you can say that escaping your problems is unhealthy and I agree with you, but in healthy doses I think it can even help. I’m prescribing myself with a healthy dose of procrastination.

I still manage to maintain a full time job with gardening jobs on the side. I have a list of hobbies but I’ve always sort of subconsciously rotated them. At the start of the year I was obsessed with guitar and decorating the house and didn’t play any games at all.

I have an addictive personality for sure, but pinning it on one thing is dishonest. Eventually I’ll get burned out from playing Satisfactory and I’ll start painting again or, who knows, I might find a new hobby to get addicted to.

I wrote the previous part of this post around three weeks ago, since especially this week then I’ve been a lot more conscious of the time slipping by. I’m still in love with Satisfactory but nowhere near the level of obsession. I would close my eyes and I’d be planning my factory, at work, planning my factory, with my girlfriend planning my factory. It really wasn’t healthy. I skipped meals, stayed up late, woke up in the night and logged on, I haven’t posted on this blog for weeks because I was depressed and would rather be playing Satisfactory.

I set an alarm for 8pm on my phone and that’s when I start wrapping up my session and start winding down for bed.

It’s not about stopping your bad habits, it’s about being conscious of it and curbing it before it manifests into something much more dangerous.

I know this won’t be the last time I’ll be gripped by something to the point of destructive behaviour but I know that next time I can get out of it.