The most striking number in our Antonella Artuso’s excellent piece on the gender-unbending U of T professor was 31.

That is how many “genders” are officially recognized by New York City.

Thirty-one (31). To wit:

Bi-gendered, cross-dresser, drag king, drag queen, femme queen, female-to-male, FTM, gender-bender, genderqueer, male-to-female, MTF, non-op, hijra, pangender, transexual/transsexual, trans person, woman, man, butch, two-spirit, trans, agender, third sex, gender fluid, non-binary transgender, androgyne, gender gifted, gender blender, femme, person of transgender experience, androgynous.

No, gender fluid is not what you think it is. And “gender gifted” isn’t bragging.

(My cat, Tulip, just piped up, “Hey, what happened to ‘fixed?’”) As you can see, some of the labels are duplications. Some are straightforward, pardon the expression.

Hijra describes transgendered Asians. Perhaps you are thinking two-spirit is someone who likes mixed drinks but, no, it is meant to describe gay, lesbian or transgendered indigenous people.

On one hand, who cares? As Grandpa Strobel used to say, “Call me whatever you want. Just don’t call me late for dinner.” It’s not like we’re trying to describe alien invaders. Those 31 labels describe some of my favourite people. Former mayoral candidate Enza Anderson, for instance, is one of the classiest dames I know, though she wasn’t always a dame. (Can we still say “dame?”)

On the other hand, life is befuddling enough without 31 genders. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had plenty of trouble dealing with just two.

But brace yourself. New York’s uber-liberal Mayor Bill de Blasio’s notion of gender neutrality is coming to a workplace or washroom near you.

As Artuso wrote Monday, it has crept into the classroom. Professor and psychologist Jordan Peterson has run afoul of the University of Toronto’s pronoun police.

They want Peterson to describe students by pronouns of their choice such as “they” instead of “him” or “her.” His refusal has sparked fierce debate worldwide. He says the university is curbing free speech.

But wait. “They” is not alone, so to speak. Other pronouns to replace boring old “he” and “she” are popping up like mushrooms.

In Sweden, where blond and blonde used to be proper pronouns, “hen” is now fashionable. It’s a combo of the feminine “hon” and masculine “han.” Luckily, the Swedish word for chicken is “kyckling” or there’d be mass confusion.

Should you happen to bump into a non-binary transgender gender blender Swede, I recommend this greeting: “Hiya, hen. How’s it hangin’?” Try it. I hear Swedish jail cells are quite lovely. You can practise saying “per” (as in person) when asking the guard for more reindeer stew.

Nor is U of T the only school vying for an A+ in political correctness. Harvard students can refer to themselves as the neutral “e” in place of he or she.

The University of Tennessee-Knoxville has an Office of Diversity and Inclusion which suggests you employ “hir” and “zir” for him and her, “xem” for them, and “ze” for he or she.

Will you soon be fined, or worse, for not saying “ze?” Let’s check with Colonel Klink of the old Hogan’s Heroes POW sitcom.

“Sgt. Schultz! Zey didn’t say ze! Into ze cooler with xem! Throw away ze key!” (Editor’s note: Strobel, didn’t you argue against the likes of “redskin” and Chief Wahoo the other day.) True, boss, but not by using laws. That was simple common courtesy to our indigenous countrymen. This pronoun rumpus is simple common silliness.

And that’s all she wrote.

mstrobel@postmedia.com