10. Re-naught out of ten

9. Out of Focus...

8. Mistsubish*t

BEMBRO COMPERTIONPADS NON FADE....200 MPH VERY FAST UP TO...FULL FIA CAGE .CHICKEN BARS TUNGSTEN BOLTS...ADJUSTABLE SPOILER....RACE WAST GATES.....TELESCOPE BLUE HEAD LIGHTS....CARBON BONNET....FINNISHED IN RED AND WHITE LIVERY.

7. Blue-blooded banger

6. MGF****d

5. El Diablo

4. Stormtrooper VXR

3. Nissan EX-300

2. Gaudy-Wagen

1. Blunt-edged Sword

This monceau d'ordures Clio can be yours for the low, low price of £1,750. Included is the poorly-fitted, cracked bodykit, the gutless 1.2-litre engine (complete with a single, central exhaust), the awkwardly tall spoiler and the questionable pearlescent paint job.The former owner of this Focus - which has allegedly been dolled up to look like an ST - evidently thought it appropriate to fit faux racing harnesses and additional turbo gauges. Because they're completely necessary on a 1.6-litre hatchback...right?The ad' for this 3000GT speaks for itself:This Astra could only've been dreamed up by someone who saw sense in fitting a sun-strip to both the top and the bottom of their windscreen. On a more positive note, if it snows again this winter the owner will be well placed to clear their neighbourhood's roads - such is the angle of the front bumper.The owner of this MGF says he's selling it because he's "upgraded". We're not entirely sure whether he's talking about his car, or his glasses...Hatchbacks are ten a penny, so it doesn't matter if we lose a few to the modifiers. But rare examples of thoroughbred Italian lunacy ? Keep your mitts off 'em. Every one ruined is an enthusiast deprived.We can only assume the owner of this VXR is a massive Star Wars fan - why else would you want a car that resembles a Stormtrooper's helmet? A saggy "professional" re-trim and colossal stereo round-out the package.Normally, I consider myself pretty well versed in identifying cars from even the smallest details - but this one had me completely flummoxed. Apparently, it's a 1999 Nissan 300ZX with a full compliment of carbon fibre goodies and a raft of Max Power awards under its belt. The ad' reads: "It obviously has awesome looks". We're not so sure...The number two spot on our list is occupied by this Hamann G-Class . "Just imported from the Middle East," (can't say we're surprised) it boasts nine seats, quilted red leather and six exhaust pipes. With 50k miles on the clock, it's up for £80,000. Walk away.Believe it or not, this used to be a Mercedes CL, before a mad Lithuanian got his hands on it. With 30in alloys, Swarovski buttons and gold-plated badges - the " AG Excalibur " is up for £70,000.