SATIRE

To celebrate former first lady Imelda Marcos’s 90th birthday, the Marcoses on Wednesday attempted to bag the Guinness world record for the largest number of people getting food poisoning in a single venue.

Of the 2,500 participants, only over 250 have shown symptoms of food poisoning as of this moment.

Mrs. Marcos herself and her senator-elect daughter Imee were present to take part in the event held at the Ynares Sports Complex in Pasig City, their spokesperson said.

Unfortunately, neither fell ill.

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The spokesperson for the Marcoses clarified Imelda and Imee had also partaken of the spoiled food prepared for the occasion.

Both, the spokesperson added, were “just immune to rotten things.”

Asked about the ethical considerations of their Guinness attempt, he said, “Look, it’s the Marcoses we’re talking about here.”

Contrary account

Contrastingly, Imee denied their spokesperson’s statement regarding her involvement in the event.

“I was too young back then,” she said.

Nevertheless, she added, “The food may have been spoiled, but we remain solid.”

The health workers of the hospitals where the said 250 people were rushed, meanwhile, said the stools of the patients had become “mostly liquid.”

In an official statement released on his social media accounts, Mrs. Marcos’s son Bongbong, former senator and VP-wannabe, apologized for “achieving only 10% or 250 out of 2,500 of our initial target.”

He, however, was “doubtful” of the figures and asked for a recount.

Previous records

While widely known for her collection of thousands of shoes, Mrs. Marcos is also known for citing the largest number of illnesses at a court proceeding to avoid incarceration.

Mrs. Marcos also once organized the world record for most unwilling participants in a single instantaneous cement burial.

Sandro Marcos, her grandson via Bongbong, also set a world record for highest number of presidents shaded on a single ballot.

Meanwhile, her husband, the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos, bagged the world record for the most awkward foreplay song ever.

Mr. Marcos, three decades after his death, still holds the Guinness world record for the greatest robbery of a government.