“But that’s just the tip of the dumb-berg, because Trump’s calls with foreign leaders have long worried aides, leaving some ‘genuinely horrified.’ So, these former aides were horrified, but they’re just telling us now? Well, it’s like the signs say: If you see something, say something two years after we could do anything about it.’” —STEPHEN COLBERT



“The whistle-blower went on to say that the official was visibly shaken by what had transpired. That must have been some phone call. Apparently, no one has seen a White House staffer that shaken up since Trump forced Mike Pence to watch the Elton John movie.” — JIMMY FALLON

“He says the whistle-blower owes him an apology. He said the whistle-blower’s lawyer is a big Democrat. Which, you know who else was a big Democrat? Donald Trump, like 12 years ago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Not only is Trump lashing out, he’s now demanding an apology from everyone involved in the impeachment. Then women, minorities, the disabled, Mexico and Puerto Rico were like, ‘You first.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“In the end, Trump may be defeated by his greatest weakness: his Achilles’ mouth. It’s all detailed in the epic poem ‘The Idiod.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT