In June, ABC News America reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat, while earlier this month, beauty pageants for children landed on Australian shores for the first time. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 per cent of under-12 girls in the United States now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up, and self-esteem is down; and 25 per cent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful, university-educated women say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mother recently died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart. Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age five and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments. That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows. "Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you, too," she said in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good-girl voice. "Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practised, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger. "I love books," I said. "Do you?" Most kids do. "Yes," she said. "And I can read them all by myself!" "Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

"What's your favourite book?" I asked. "I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?" Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identity. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favourite colour in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that. Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn. I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd write one, too, one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all hyped up.

So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modelling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion-dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening. Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favourite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does. Loading Lisa Bloom is the author of Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World.

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