What is really going on in politics? Get our daily email briefing straight to your inbox Sign up Thank you for subscribing We have more newsletters Show me See our privacy notice Invalid Email

I saw the future this week through the swivelling eyes of Planet Tory backbench mutants and it looked bright.

As David Cameron’s EU re-negotiation demands were revealed, to a backdrop of harrowing wails from the cast of The Living Dead: “is that it?” (Bernard Jenkin), “it’s pretty thin gruel” (Jacob Rees-Mogg), “it’s a pig in a poke” (Bill Cash, the subject too serious for it to be a sex act gag) the future was revealed in all its glory.

Brussels will give Cameron the square root of sod all, but he will be forced to sell it as a great victory, recommend we stay in Europe, and demand his Cabinet back him, despite the majority of them, like most Tory MPs, preferring to be dangled from the Brandenberg Gate by their genitals.

Boris Johnson will seize his moment, lead the Out campaign to a narrow but gallant defeat, and in doing so establish himself as Iron Bulldog, the love-child Churchill and Thatcher never had. Betrayed and angry, grass-roots Tories will demand Cameron retires early, snub his fellow traitor George Osborne and back Johnson in a leadership contest he will win.

To ensure this happens, if they evoke the spirit of Labour and let you pay £3 to join the party and vote, please do, and cast it for Johnson, as therein lies the quickest route to drive these Tories out of office.

Because were he Prime Minister, the nation would soon see through the right-wing media spin and realise that Johnson, not Jeremy Corbyn, is the self-obsessed extremist who threatens our security.

(Image: Getty)

Don’t take it from me, but the Palestinian authorities, who this week cut short BoJo’s visit to the West Bank after he dismissed backers of a boycott on Israeli goods as “corduroy-

jacketed, snaggle-toothed, lefty academics”.

Palestinian politicians refused to meet him and events were cancelled after London’s mayor was deemed a “security risk”. Imagine the backlash if that had happened to Corbyn while representing Britain on a Middle East tour.

Read more:Brian Reade columns

Naturally, Johnson faced no backlash, his powerful chums playing it down as “Boris being Boris”. Just as they did when he called Africans “picaninnies”, slammed the minimum wage, claimed apartheid was a “minor tyranny”, promised to give a convicted fraudster the address of a journalist so he could be beaten up, and was sacked as a Tory front-bencher for lying over claims he’d had an affair.

Video Loading Video Unavailable Click to play Tap to play The video will start in 8 Cancel Play now

This clown would not be taken seriously as a politician in any country except this, where it’s not what you know but how many fellow on-the-make, upper-class bluffers you know, that counts.

Johnson perfects the populist image of a blond Michael McIntyre spouting a Jeremy Clarkson script tailored to suit whatever gallery he’s playing up to. But in reality he’s an elitist snob with a dangerous ambition.

(Image: Dan Kitwood)

And if he fulfils it, and leads the Tories into the next election, he may just make those who call Corbyn unelectable ask these questions: Who is the more sincere, serious and trustworthy? Who cares more about you and your family’s welfare?

And who would you rather see representing us on the world stage? The politician whose enemies say has principles which make him a security risk, or the politician whose words have just defined him as one?