This July, we were thrown a massive blow when my 22 year old daughter, my middle child who had graduated high school, was working, a girl with a good sense of humor, and a caring soul- became sick with what she thought was a respiratory infection and went to the ER after becoming short of breath, fever and feeling very weak.Within 12 hours from arriving, she began coughing up pure blood and had to have a lung procedure to close off bleeds in her lungs. They had to immediately intubate & sedate her, and admit her to the ICU on life support.When I got the call from a physician notifying she was not only admitted, but in critical condition, I couldn’t believe it. We had literally just went on a girls trip less than 2 weeks before spending time in a beautiful cabin, laughing and and sharing a canoe enjoying the summer weather with my mother, aunt, sisters and nieces.When I arrived, she was so swollen she was unrecognizable. She was septic after a bacterial infection had invaded her bloodstream, lungs and heart. They had to give her massive amounts of vasopressors just to keep her blood pressure up enough to live. She then went into cardiac arrest and thankfully was able to be resuscitated after several minutes of cpr.Palliative care came in and suggested I notify family to come see her and start making plans. The chaplain came in to pray with us. I was in shock and devastated. I refused to sign a DNR when asked, because she’s so young and I let it be in God’s hands if she was going to make it or not, but I wasn’t going to let her go without a fight. I couldn’t.She was showing all the signs of end of life; purple mottling on her feet and arms, she was hypotensive and tachycardic with temps as high as 104. She couldn’t survive without the meds and ventilator. Multiple organs were beginning to fail. As a nurse, and recognizing these signs, it was hard to convince myself she could pull through-but I kept faith.The ICU doctors told me they didn’t expect her to live days-if only hours. The things that went through my head were crazy, and I went from inconsolable crying anytime I could be alone- to a state of unemotional shock. The lack of sleep for days at a time made me even more depressed. I even remember thoughts running through my mind like “I don’t even know her favorite color anymore”, “what would she want to wear?” “ I’ll never see her get married”...., and I would get in my car and scream and cry and drive miles in any direction.Then, like a miracle, over the following days she began to slowly improve. A doctor overseeing her care in the icu discussed with me attempting to wean her off the vasopressors, and then the sedation, and then ventilator to see how she responded, and there was a glimmer of hope.She was able to do each step successfully, and was finally awake and extubated.She was still in very serious condition, and had to have heart surgery next-and then needed to go to the cath lab for a pacemaker to be implanted as she had third degree heart block.The mottling on her feet changed to black necrosis and began creeping up her legs and on her fingers as well. Every morning doctors would come in and draw a line where the blackened skin stopped to see if it would finally demarcate. All of this was within weeks from her thinking she had a respiratory infection and going into the ER thinking she needed a round of antibiotics and would feel better. Well she got antibiotics alright, 7 continous round the clock strong IV antibiotics, constant daily lab draws, central line, and radiology procedures, She began drastically losing weight to under 100 lbs and losing her hair.My daughters legs and fingers eventually became as one doctor described “mummified” and I was told to not be alarmed if they began to break off before she was stable enough to handle amputation surgeries. I’ve seen- and can usually stand to see a lot-however when it’s your child, it’s completely different. I became terrified a finger would break off if she bumped it. Her fingernails began to just completely come off the nailbeds and she wouldn’t even feel it. She would cry in excruciating pain and there was nothing I could do but stay by her side and attempt to console her.In August they did the first amputation below the knee on her left leg. She had respiratory distress during the procedure and wound up back in the icu on a ventilator. A few days later they amputated the right, and she ended up back in the icu once again.Next, her fingers on her right hand and index finger on the left were amputated.Then, she began to have excruciating pain in the right lower limb a week later, and a large hematoma was found and she was back to the OR for another surgery.Early in September she was transferred to a skilled nursing facility to undergo a lot of physical and occupational therapy to help her be able to transition once she came home, and become more independent. During that stay she developed another hematoma which actually burst through the staples it was so large. The pain this girl has withstood is unimaginable.She was readmitted back into the hospital and yet again, had another surgery for that.She was able to come home in October, but needed a lot of help transitioning and with normal daily tasks most of us take for granted. Things as simple as getting to the restroom easily, brushing our teeth, reaching the cabinets, kitchen faucets, or fitting the wheelchair through doorways to name a few.This girl is a fighter! She is finding ways to adapt daily. She continuously surprises me with the way she is handling it. Yes, she has her lows, I can’t even fathom how I could’ve handled it when I was her age. Most nights she is in misery from phantom pain-but all of that is expected and I keep thinking how strong she is to push forward and realize the miracle that happened. She also manages to still find a way to smile and even joke with her siblings and laugh sometimes, which helps put my heart a little more at ease when I see it. This event truly defines the phrase “life or limb.”She is learning to put her make up on and do her hair on her own and is even working on signing her name when we are at doctor visits. We found a second hand hospital bed online, and were able to get her a bedside commode, shower chair and a wheelchair. A family member helped widen the door so her wheelchair can fit through which has allowed her the dignity of being able to get to the toilet without one of us carrying her through the doorway to and from like we did the first couple weeks.We are still working on a ramp and trailer to be able to transport her 250+ pound wheelchair. For now, when she has doctor appointments we use a manual chair, and my son or I carry her from the house to the car and back, but we make it work. We even get a laugh in sometimes through the disbelief of what we are actually doing. She is really hoping to be able to get prosthetics soon, and be able to be more independent and get out and live life. The advancements in prosthesis are amazing and offer her the chance to be able to be an independent woman in her 20’s again, walking, driving, even exercising and being active. I truly hope we are able to get these for her.After several months out on unpaid family medical leave, I have been able to return to work. Now, we begin to dig out of the hole the lack of income created during this ordeal, in addition to the bills rolling in and her needs, we now have 7 children with her back at home. She’s always telling me she feels bad she can’t work to help, and feels guilty when she sees the prices of some of her prescriptions insurance doesn’t cover. I don’t want her to even worry about these things, and just focus on healing. I know it must be hard for her feeling helpless.It’s definitely taking its toll mentally and physically on us. It’s hard to try to pretend to be strong and smile, and try to go back into life as it was before while carrying this much weight. I feel sad the younger kids lives were interrupted and try to make things as ‘normal’ for them. It’s unbelievably stressful.I’m hoping that seeing this experience in their young lives up close will help mold the younger kids into good, compassionate caregivers. My son who is a senior in high school, is taking classes to be a patient care tech and hopes to eventually go into healthcare and helps his sister a lot. Even the little ones help her out with what they can. All of them get to see and learn about disabilities, needs, adaptation, and how despite physical differences people are still the same inside. At least these are some of my hopes.And my biggest hope is that from this tragedy, my daughter is able to stay positive, lead a long, happy life, and one day even help others who may go through similar circumstances using her experience, and that all my children lead long, healthy, happy lives despite the curveballs. I pray that 2020 is going to be a much better year. ❤️❤️❤️