(It's the start of the shift, and our clown has a... rather novel gimmick.)

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "18 Waysss To Keep Your SSStation SSSyndie-Free."

(At first it looks like they just plan to spend the shift doing color commentary.)

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Let's get one thing straight, as of now we are a family. I run a tight ship, but I will die before I let a single one of you get hurt. Feel free to call me Captain Zaki"

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "8 Captainsss You Won't Believe Went Off The Deep End!"

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "It's not a great start to the day when somebody offs themselves right off the bat."

[Engineering] Kyla Zalack says, "Think I'll wire SMES for backup and hunt mice"

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Crap"

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "9 Waysss To Have A SSShocking SSSuicide To Baffle Your Coworkersss"

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Uh, somebody broke into captain's office."

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "The spare ID is gone."

[Engineering] Roy Olphert asks, "Who wants to fix the caps office doors?"

[Engineering] Kyla Zalack says, "Not it, wrong side of station"

[Engineering] Davis Hardie asks, "It emagged?"

[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Unlikely."

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Captain, your ID is gone."

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "The perpetrator went in from teleporter room."

[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Ill check it out"

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "One hand tele is gone."

[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Thanks."

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "I am securing the other."

[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Yeah. emagged"

[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Passing it on to the cap."

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "9 Waysss To Gain Illicit Accesss You Won't Believe!"

[Common] Kyla Zalack exclaims, "Security HATES this list!"

(But THEN...)

Captain Announces

I am issuing a high profile arrest warrent for the clown "Baits-For-Clicks", they commited major trespass and grand theft by breaking into the Captain's office and stealing the spare ID card.

[Common] Jesus Hermando asks, "Does this mean he is legit to kill?"

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "I have not yet issued a kill order."

[Common] Jesus Hermando says, "Issue it and then we'll talk."

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "I would prefer the clown be brought in alive to face punishment."

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "10 Baffling SSStoriesss Of SSSyndicatesss That Got Away With It!"

[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Okay this traitor lizard is genuinely amazing"

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "He is mocking me..."

[Common] Davis Hardie says, "Oh him? hes near nuke core"

[Common] Davis Hardie says, "Probably breaking in right now"

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "11 Mindblowing Clownsss Who Are Definitely Mocking Captainsss"

Captain Announces

Do to a lack of security resources and the severity of "Baits-For-Clicks"'s crimes, I am hereby officially issuing a kill order.

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Traitor must have went into maints."

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Hey, secure the armory!"

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "He has all-access!"

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Get there before he does!"

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "19 Waysss To Avoid Kill Ordersss- You Won't Believe Thessse Methodsss!"

[Common] Ruby Radeon exclaims, "Disable him!"

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "AI lock down the armory NOW"

[Common] Gina GeForce yells, "Captain, HoP, do something!!"

[Engineering] Poly yells, "Move"

[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "AWW YISS CLOWN IS LEGIT!!"

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "4 Legit Clownsss Who Have A Misssion And Can't Be SSStopped"

[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "WHO COMING WITH ME FOR CLOWN HUNTING?!!"

Captain Announces

On top of the kill order I issued earlier, I am hereby allowing a formal manhunt for the traitor known as "Baits-For-Clicks", lethal force has been authorised and whomever brings this criminal down will recieve a substantial reward.

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "7 Futile But Well Meaning Tasssksss That Will Amaze You!"

(Much searching ensues, to no avail)

[Common] Jesus Hermando says, "No sign of Clown yet, Captain."

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "9 Dissstracting Clownsss With Mindblowing Methodsss"

[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Basically theirs an evil clown hiding in the dark scary maintenance shafts... fuck"

[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "6 Syringes that will Absolutely Blow You Out"

[Common] Kaiser Kothe asks, "M how would we at the medbay even ssstop the clown?"

(Eventually, however, they crossed paths with the wrong department.)

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki asks, "Damn it Baits, where are you hiding?"

[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "He's syringed"

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "He was last seen in medical maints!"

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We morphine'd him!"

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Good work! Hopefully he passed out somewhere"

(Sure enough, when I arrived in medical maint, I found like 8 people whaling on a prone figure.)

Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!

Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!

Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!

Baits-For-Clicks seizes up and falls limp, her eyes dead and lifeless...

Gina GeForce has kicked Unknown!

*---------*

This is Unknown!

She is restrained with cable!

She is limp and unresponsive; there are no signs of life...

Its body is devastated by multiple bullet wounds!

She has several extremely severe blistered burns!

Its skin and lips are bluish in colour.

She is bleeding very slightly.

*---------*

[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "OLE CLOWN IN MEDBAY MAINT!!"

Gina GeForce exclaims, "TEAM GEFORCE FOR THE WIN!"

Gina GeForce puts the rapid syringe gun into the medical satchel.

Gina GeForce puts the syringe gun into the medical satchel.

Davis Hardie puts the bola into the industrial satchel.

[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Spam lizard down"

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Told you morphine would do it!"

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We killed the damned traitor!"

[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "The things we did just to kill the clown"

[Common] Kaiser Kothe hisses, "Fuck, you guysss actually did it."

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We deserve a reward!"

[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "One HOP morphine'd, one engineer toxin'ed"

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "A little bit of collateral damage."

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "But it's worth it."

[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Quite a mob after him by the end. Testament to how formidable a foe he was."