WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a bold gambit to end the government shutdown, the House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, said on Saturday that she would bypass Donald J. Trump and negotiate directly with the Russian President, Vladimir Putin.

“I owe it to the American people to bring this shutdown to the swiftest possible conclusion, and so I’m avoiding the middleman,” she said.

Pelosi, who is scheduled to board a plane to Moscow Saturday night, said that she had not informed Trump of her plans to deal directly with Putin. “Whatever,” she said.

In an official statement, Putin said that he welcomed Pelosi’s overture and shared her desire to end the shutdown. “At some point, I’d like to visit Yellowstone,” he said.