What is the real identity of the pseudonymous author of satirical novel Revolt?

Who is Robina Hood? Photograph: Graham Turner

The United States of Europe are here. Englishness has been outlawed. And the BBC holds morning prayer meetings to swear loyalty to its European overlords.

Welcome to the satirical sledgehammer of small-mindedness that is Revolt, the first novel to be published under the pseudonym Robina Hood. It is interesting for one reason only; the real author is, if the blurb is to be believed, one of the country's best-loved broadcasters.

Surely, then, her identity is a matter of public interest. People deserve to know which of the country's best-loved broadcasters is responsible for the notion of a "quasi-compulsory homosexual experience" at a "Gay Awareness Camp".

An entirely speculative investigation turns up two prime candidates: Carol Vorderman and Anne Robinson.

Robinson has the Little Englander credentials, having famously put the Welsh into Room 101. Combine this with her support for fox hunting, and the fact that Robina is a bit like "Robinson, A", and suddenly it doesn't seem too implausible that she might have mistaken herself for Ukip's own Orwell.

But Vorderman is also a candidate after her performance as the wicked witch of the witless on Question Time.

Either way, someone wrote this book, and for all we know they are still out there, being revered as a national treasure. Now there's a reason to be worried about the future of the BBC.