1) Creepy Pastors Are Usually Single

Most creepy pastors tend to be single, which explains the lonelness and sexual frustration. You see, pastoral ministry requires a pastor to pour themselves into the lives of others. But this is difficult to sustain when no one is pouring into his life. That's where having a spouse helps. So if he don't have one, he's more susceptible to leak.

Now don't get me wrong: just because a pastor is single doesn't mean he's automatically a creeper. There are plenty of great unmarried pastors. But what makes a creepy pastor different is that he really doesn't want to be single. Instead, he makes it very well-known that he's looking for his "Proverbs 31 woman." And this is what adds to his creepiness. We know he's on the prowl.

2) Creepy Pastors Are Overly Touchy

Again, creepy pastors won't do anything that's blatantly criminal - but they do just enough to make you think, "Uh, what the heck was that?" They won't just pat you on the back; they'll rub it in a circular motion. They won't offer you a side hug; they'll give you a full frontal one. They won't take a picture with their arm around your shoulder; they'll place their hand around your waist.

In other words, creepy pastors are always touching somebody, and they're always touching in a legal but socially inappropriate way. These isolated moments aren't enough to make you feel like you need to tell others. But if they keep adding up, then there's a good chance that you've got yourself a creeper. And this leads to my next point.

3) Creepy Pastors Always Have a Track Record

If ever you ask a friend, "Hey, did you ever think Pastor so-and-so comes off a little creepy?" they will likely respond by saying, "Omigosh. Yes! He gives me the heebie-jeebies." That's because creepy pastors don't just come off creepy to you - they come off as creepy to everybody. As a result, they often have a reputation that follows them everywhere they go.

This is why creepy pastors will often move from church to church. They can't lost long in one spot. Their creepiness builds up too long in a congregation until it one day erupts and leads them to do something border-line illegal that's still not enough to send them to jail but just enough to get them fired from. And so he'll move on to the next church, bringing his creepiness along with him.