(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Ok, so it’s Friday afternoon and you’ve just spotted the most beautiful woman in the world buying a croissant (picture a cross between Rihanna and your childhood crush).

You know that if you don’t try to talk to her, you’ll regret it forever. But you’re also sick with nerves.

What should you do? Do you smile weakly from across the street, or do you scribble your phone number on a piece of paper and thrust it at her? Do you run in the opposite direction?

Relax. Take a deep breath. Take four more. Read on for some helpful tips on how to proceed without making a complete idiot of yourself.




Make sure it’s a leisurely environment

Would you want people hitting on you in the middle of a particularly intense workout, when you’re purple and trying not to grunt? Would you, Mike? Then extend that same courtesy to her.

Don’t hit on strange women at the gym. Don’t try to talk to strange women when they’re on a phone call. Don’t gesture for women to take their headphones off on the Tube. Don’t get in the way when she’s half-running to work because she’s late for her presentation to the Tokyo office (If she murders you, no jury would convict).

Ask yourself: is this a place where conversation is expected? Would I be interrupting this stranger in the middle of something? Do they look busy, or harried at all?

If they’re having a bad day or simply not in the mood to talk, your charm is useless.

Save it for the woman who’s lounging on the grass with her sandwich, or the woman sitting by herself at the pub.

(Picture: Getty/ Ella Byworth)

No gimmicks

‘Heaven must be missing an ange-‘ STOP RIGHT THERE. STOP IMMEDIATELY, MICHAEL.

If you got your opening line off some dodgy forum, don’t even think about it. It’s probably going to be so hackneyed she groans. Even if it’s original, there’s a chance you’ll come off as trying too hard. She’s about to text her mates: ‘God, I just had the most cringeworthy moment with some guy. You won’t believe what he said to me.’

Here’s a secret: you don’t actually need to be gimmicky. The best opening lines have always been the simplest.

Approach with a smile and say ‘Hi, how are you? I saw you from across the room and wondered if I could get to know you.’ Or ‘Hey! I’m Michael and I’d love to buy you a drink if you’re as bored as I am right now.’

It’s quite nerve-wracking to be approached by a stranger – especially when you’re a woman – so keep it chill, casual, and friendly. Imagine she’s an acquaintance of yours. Don’t run up on her like you’re trying to get her to join a pyramid scheme. Elaborate approaches are completely unnecessary.



Don’t ask for her phone number right away.

Yes, we know, you’re horribly nervous, and you just want to get through with the encounter as quickly as possible. But ask yourself- would you give the sweaty man behind you at Starbucks your personal phone number off the strength of a two-second interaction?

Hold off on asking for her phone number or email or PIN code. Let her see you’re not a desperate weirdo first. If you’re in a pub or art exhibition or conference-type-event, you can find her before the end of the evening and ask for her number.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

If you don’t have much time – let’s say you’re chatting at the station before taking trains in completely opposite directions – you can give her your number instead: ‘I’m Mike, and I’d love to keep in touch. Here’s my number if you feel like continuing our conversation about how many kangaroos there are in Australia.’

This is a super thoughtful thing to do: it signals to the woman that you are easygoing and won’t put undue pressure on her. Now she’s more likely to ring you to resume the conversation.

It’s a gamble. Don’t get too invested.

Okay, so the most beautiful woman in the world happens to be married. Or she has a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Or maybe she just isn’t interested in you, for whatever reason. Devastating, but it happens to everybody, even celebrities.

Respect the No, whether or not she gives you a reason for it. You are absolutely not going to change her mind by acting like a toddler begging their mummy for another lollipop at the store. Don’t tell her: ‘I think we’d really click if you gave me a chance.’ She’s already staring at the Exit sign and wondering how fast she can run in those 5-inch heels.


Remember, you’re the one approaching a stranger here. You can’t expect too much of her. Smile and say: ‘I understand. I’m glad I got to say Hi, though. Have a lovely day!’

Walk away gracefully and don’t feel too injured or rejected. Leave her with a pleasant memory of your interaction.

After all, the goal is to be more comfortable talking to women in public, and you have to be shot down a few times to feel comfortable. It’s a necessary part of the process. Once you make your peace with that, you’ll be much more relaxed and easily able to converse with women.

And then – who knows? From there, it’s but a short step to meeting your future wife at the grocery store or the dog park or the antique umbrella auction. Good luck!

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