Hi. My name is Will and I sincerely think that rape is hilarious–when it happens to dudes.

It’s horrible when it happens to women, but men getting raped is hilarity. Adam Sandler’s comedy, “That’s my Boy,” “Get Him to the Greek,” “Horrible Bosses,” “Wedding Crashers.” Abu Ghraib Prison: Lynndi England was not a war criminal, she was a comic trailblazer.

And hey, I myself was violated by my grade 8 socials teacher, Ms. Tupper–not a pedophile, a woman. When she molested me, I was like, “score!” because I was a horny 13 year old boy and I totally wanted to have sex, and now I totally had had sex with an adult I trusted.

My caseworker keeps trying to convince me it was a negative experience. Well, my current caseworker. I could never talk about it with my first caseworker because she was a woman–can’t open up to them emotionally! Not because I was raped by one. I mean, it was statutory, not real rape.

I mean, I wanted it. I must have wanted it because I got an erection from her stimulating me, and the fear. Physically it felt really good, and at the same time, like the worst thing that could possibly happen to me, like I was less than human. That is funny!

All the guys would laugh at me about it, calling me faggot for not enjoying it and I was like, “psych! I totally did enjoy it!” Then they high-fived me and told me I was cool and that Ms. Tupper was hot and they were jealous.

It was the most popular I’ve been in my whole life. It was the happiest I’ve ever been. And I wasn’t happy, but sometimes as a guy, if you want to fit in you have to hide your pain and humor is a great way of doing that and that’s why I sincerely think that rape is hilarious. Because I have to.