Ah, guest articles. Someone writes about drinking so we have some free time.

To drink. It's last call, the bar has been drained of all decent brand-name booze and these labels are presented to us on a menu. Instead of taking a chance and actually drinking this cut-rate swill, we flag down a taxi and get the hell out of Dodge. There ought to be a law against booze brand names this off-putting. Advertisement

10 Sweetwater Happy Ending Imperial Stout Continue Reading Below Advertisement What the Company Might Have Intended: The cartoon of the winking, cleavage-bearing sexpot masseuse on the label indicates this wasn't a case of someone having failed to check out the urban dictionary before naming the beer. They were overtly using sexual double entendres and scantily clad women to appeal to horny men. Sounds sort of brilliant to us. Why They Failed: Until we read the description on the label, "A huge, dry hopped stiffy, for a full-figured beer, resulting in an explosive finish!" You might be able to get men to buy t-shirts with those words written on it, but probably not a frothy white liquid that is meant to be poured down their throats. Continue Reading Below Advertisement

9 Deerstalker Scotch What the Company Might Have Intended: A deerstalker is a name for the jaunty cap that Sherlock Holmes wears. What better way to make sure your single malt distinguishes itself from low brow American brands than by naming it after something that can be described as jaunty? Why They Failed: The modern deer hunter isn't the refined sportsman he used to be. Add the term "stalker" to the mix and ordering a tumbler of this falls between having BO and casually mentioning that you have a "litter of 10 out there, somewhere" as a sure way to end a date prematurely. Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Above: An actual deer-stalker.