Orthodox family speaks out about opioid abuse in religious community

Elana Forman was only 13 when she began her descent into the world of alcohol and drugs.

It began with drinking and marijuana, she said. "I felt alienated and lonely and scared of life. ...When I would drink or use, I felt like I could accomplish anything."

But she feared that if she told anyone in her tight-knit Orthodox Jewish enclave in Teaneck, she would be shunned or labeled a "bad kid."

Later, at her all-girls yeshiva high school, she maintained the facade of the straight-A student even as she continued to use drugs. She launched a school chess team, played varsity soccer and would eventually earn a prestigious scholarship to Queens College.

Once in college, however, she turned to harder drugs. "Until finally," she says, "I was shooting heroin."

Though her story of addiction is familiar, the backdrop is not: She grew up in a religious community that traditionally seeks to insulate itself from outside influences. Her family adheres to the kosher dietary laws and observes the Sabbath.

But the opiate epidemic raging across the country has seeped into nearly every community, and the Orthodox population is not immune. Community leaders say the drug problem is growing. Applications to kosher drug rehab are soaring, Narcan is being carried by Hatzalah ambulances, which serve Jewish neighborhoods, and rabbis are being trained to deal with addiction.

Rabbi Zvi Gluck, founder of the New York-based Amudim, an international crisis intervention organization that serves the Orthodox population, said there have been 277 confirmed deaths of Orthodox Jews under age 35 due to opioid overdoses in the region. He believes there are more that have not been acknowledged. His group alone, since its founding in 2014, has served over 4,000 clients.

And the number of applications to Behavioral Crossroads, the only kosher drug rehab program of its kind in the Northeast, has more than doubled in the past three years due to the opioid epidemic, said Michael Saffer, director of community outreach.

Drug addiction is a taboo topic that is rarely discussed in the Orthodox community, where family reputations are everything, and many fear that the stigma of an addict in the family may hamper marriage prospects, yeshiva acceptances and social status.

In North Jersey, psychiatrist Jeffrey Berman says, young Orthodox people have died of overdoses, but their families refused to acknowledge the deaths were drug-related. Berman runs a support group for parents of addicts at the Kaplen JCC.

The silence can make it harder for victims and their families to get help.

That was the frustration of Elana's parents. When Lianne and Etiel Forman first discovered their daughter had a drug problem, they felt isolated: They asked around, opening up to their rabbi, close friends and relatives. But they could not find anyone in their community who would admit that they, too, had experienced similar heartbreak.

"We felt so alone in this battle," recalls Etiel, an attorney and board member of Jewish organizations who prides himself on being a problem solver.

"We might have been able to get resources and help quicker, but there just wasn't any dialogue or information available from other parents," he said.

He's aiming to change that.

The Formans are coming forward to share their story at a forum on addiction Sunday night at Torah Academy of Bergen County in Teaneck.

A panel of experts, including a clinician, a rabbi and a recovering addict, will discuss how the Orthodox community can better respond to the scourge of addiction.

"People need to hear that they are not alone, that this not your fault, this is not because of your parenting," said Etiel.

He hopes the event, sponsored by Amudim, will launch an ongoing conversation, allowing those grappling with addiction to get support and resources. Mostly, he wants to make sure nobody else has to suffer in isolation.

Rabbi Avi Richler, who helped create a kosher sober living facility at Behavioral Crossroads, an outpatient facility in South Jersey, applauds such efforts.

One ultra-Orthodox heroin addict Richter encountered had refused to come in for treatment because she feared her secret would get out and ruin her daughter's marriage prospects. He said he ultimately persuaded her to get help

Deaths from opioids, which include prescription painkillers like OxyContin and controlled substances like heroin, have increased dramatically in the U.S. since 2000, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In 2014, nearly 30,000 people died from opioid overdoes, a 14 percent rise from the previous year. Drug overdoses in New Jersey claimed over 1,500 lives in 2015.

Rabbi Larry Rothwachs, leader of Congregation Beth Aaron in Teaneck, believes the community has come a long way in addressing issues that previously were taboo, but more progress is needed when it comes to drug addiction.

"Too many people believe that alcohol and drug abuse is a character flaw, and they don't recognize that there are biochemical factors that makes addiction no different than any other illness," he said.

Rothwachs is at the forefront of the battle to break the stigma of addiction, as he trains future rabbis at Yeshiva University in his capacity of director of professional rabbinics at the school.

Training for rabbis

Students at Yeshiva University's four-year rabbinical program learn how to comfort families wrestling with addiction. They must learn how to educate their congregations to make sure they have the tools needed to identify what is happening in the home, Rothwachs said.

Even the most attentive and loving parents can miss the signs of addiction, or not know where to turn for help, the Formans say.

When she was in eighth grade, the Formans caught Elana drinking the contents of their liquor cabinet one weekend.

Elana tried to brush it off, Lianne recalls. "She said she was nervous about going to high school and that it was one shot deal." They started therapy.

It wasn't until years later that she finally revealed her drug problem to her parents. By that point she was in college and had already suffered an overdose. Nobody, not even her therapist, had any inkling of her addiction.

The Formans desperately sought out other families of addicts whom they could to talk to. They needed advice. They yearned to be with people who would instantly understand without judging. But despite the prevalence of the drug problem, they felt like they were the only ones.

When Elana finally agreed to go for treatment, Lianne and Etiel had no idea what the next step was. "Those 24 hours were harrowing," said Etiel. "We were scrambling." In a better scenario they would have had input from a veteran parent who had been in their shoes. Instead, the couple furiously worked the phones and prayed for the best.

The Formans hope that sharing their story will allow something positive to come out of their suffering. "Elana wanted her name to be used so that people could ask her for help," said Etiel admiringly.

Elana, at 23, is now confident, articulate and has definite opinions about how her community can do better. She used to roll her eyes at the drug prevention programs in school.

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"I found that it's a lot of fear tactics and they tell you a lot of stuff that everyone knows," she said, adding that the emotional issues surrounding addiction were overlooked. "I already knew doing drugs was bad."

She wishes she would have been encouraged to open up to a nurse or guidance counselor about her struggles, someone non-judgemental who would have reassured her that she wasn't a pariah, but a good person who happened to be suffering from an illness.

"What I've learned from this is that people should not be afraid to reach out for help. There is help out there," she said. "There's no need for anyone to suffer in silence."

After a few setbacks, she is now enjoying a clean life in West Palm Beach, Florida.

She's living in a halfway house and working full time at a pizzeria, running deliveries and cooking in the kitchen. She bought herself a Ford Focus, and is dutifully making the monthly car payments from her paycheck.

For the most part, she lives in the present, knowing that every clean day is a triumph. But when she allows herself to dream of her future, she sees herself opening an eatery, a cozy gathering place where young people come for salads and flavored coffees but stay for the live music.

This dream is an extraordinary turn of events for her.

"When I was young," Elana said, "I didn't see myself having a future."

WHERE TO GET HELP

Jewish programs

Behavioral Crossroads, a full certified kosher drug rehab center, 877-645-2502 ext 115, behavioralcrossroads.com.

JACS (Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically Dependent Persons and Significant Others), a program of the Jewish Board in New York, is a network for Jews impacted by alcohol and other substance abuse. JACS provides counseling for individuals and families, sober holiday celebrations, weekend retreats, prevention education, and consultation and training for clergy and professionals. 212-632-4600, jacs@jacsweb.org

Jewish Family and Childrens' Services of Northern New Jersey provides psychotherapy and a 12-step program meets at its headquarters, in addition the group offers referrals and case management for any service it does not provide. 201-837-9090. jfcsnnj.org

Our Place is a drop-in center in Brooklyn and Rockland County that provides counseling, rehabilitation and help for troubled Jewish youth. Drug and alcohol abuse counseling is provided by a licensed therapist. Hotline is 718-692-4058. ourplaceny.org

Strength to Strength, a support group for parents of addicts at the Kaplen JCC on the Palisades in Tenafly, led by psychiatrist Jeffrey Berman.Contact Carol Leslie, 201-408-1403 or cleslie@jccotp.org.

Operation Survival provides drug prevention services in Jewish and public schools in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. Also provides overdose prevention training, parenting workshops and referrals.

Amudim, a New York-based resource center, offers support and referrals to individuals around the world who are impacted by addiction and abuse. 646-517-0222, amudim.org

Secular programs:

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline: 24-hour-a-day helpline in English and Spanish for those facing substance use disorders. Provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups and community based organizations. 800-662-HELP samhsa.gov

The Bergen County Office of Alcohol and Drug Dependency provides information and referral for assessment, outpatient services. Detoxification services, residential treatment and self-help groups are also offered: 201-634-2740

Addictions Hotline of New Jersey 800-238-2333

Soba College Recovery in New Brunswick addiction treatment center. 888 765 5799, sobanewjersey.com (kosher food available upon request)