



The great principle is that time heals anger. In other words, you may suffer a strong feeling of humiliation and rage when losing, but it will pass, and that knowledge can help--as can the resolution at least to go into "manual override" and not say or do anything while you are in the grip of passion.



I would be lying if I said that I was not sometimes angry after losing if my opponent did ungentlemanly things. But though I may have felt anger, I maintained control over my actions, usually just coldly leaving the premises.



Second, knowing that you behaved like an aristocrat even if you felt rage is some consolation. When Capablanca lost his title to Alekhine, he had to have been upset. But, asked about his loss, he said that it is difficult to play Alekhine, who is "worthy of any man's steel. If you don't believe me, try it." This is to his eternal credit.



Third, play in person, not on the internet. And for God's sake, turn off the ability of other players to talk to you if you do play on the internet; trolling is an avoidable source of anger.



Fourth, don't expect yourself to be able to blow an unsound opening or strategy off the board. In fact, such an effort induces stress that makes losing feel humiliating and can actively interfere with your thinking. I approach these situations by trying to get a safe small advantage; if I happen to see a way to blow it away, that's just icing on the cake.



Fifth, don't rejoice just because you have a "won" game. I cultivate a certain paranoia from first to last move and assume that every situation is potentially dangerous. That way the sense of "I should have won this" is lessened (though I would be lying if I said that I don't suffer from it).



Sixth, remember that ratings are merely the record of recent results, not of ability. Fatigue, sleep loss, disturbance because of other problems in life--all play a role, reduce your current ability below its normal level, and are not a reflection of your character.



I also believe that players who take the attitude "I play against pieces," such as Gligoric, Rubinstein, Smyslov, and Fischer are generally less affected by anger at losing than players like Korchnoi who see themselves primarily in a psychological duel. Fischer, who sometimes had tears in his eyes when he lost, from what I have read never expressed rage at losing a game.



I also try to focus on my own craftsmanship whatever the opponent did. When I win or lose, I annotate the game (not blitz) and conclude by listing things I learned from the game. If I made a horrible mistake, I ask what circumstances contributed to it and what I could have done to avoid that. Then later I go through a catalog of my mistakes and look for patterns. That way, at least a new mistake promises new information for the long-term enterprise of honing my craftsmanship, information for which I can be grateful.



I hope this helps some. Ah, I'm not sure that these stories are helping the OP find ways to manage after losing.The great principle is thatheals anger. In other words, you may suffer a strong feeling of humiliation and rage when losing, but it will pass, and that knowledge can help--as can the resolution at least to go into "manual override" and not say or do anything while you are in the grip of passion.I would be lying if I said that I was not sometimes angry after losing if my opponent did ungentlemanly things. But though I may have felt anger, I maintained control over my, usually just coldly leaving the premises.Second, knowing that you behaved like an aristocrat even if you felt rage is some consolation. When Capablanca lost his title to Alekhine, he had to have been upset. But, asked about his loss, he said that it is difficult to play Alekhine, who is "worthy of any man's steel. If you don't believe me, try it." This is to his eternal credit.Third, play in person, not on the internet. And for God's sake, turn off the ability of other players to talk to you if you do play on the internet; trolling is an avoidable source of anger.Fourth, don't expect yourself to be able to blow an unsound opening or strategy off the board. In fact, such an effort induces stress that makes losing feel humiliating and can actively interfere with your thinking. I approach these situations by trying to get a safe small advantage; if I happen to see a way to blow it away, that's just icing on the cake.Fifth, don't rejoice just because you have a "won" game. I cultivate a certain paranoia from first to last move and assume that every situation is potentially dangerous. That way the sense of "Ihave won this" is lessened (though I would be lying if I said that I don't suffer from it).Sixth, remember that ratings are merely the record of recent results, not of ability. Fatigue, sleep loss, disturbance because of other problems in life--all play a role, reduce your current ability below its normal level, and are not a reflection of your character.I also believe that players who take the attitude "I play against pieces," such as Gligoric, Rubinstein, Smyslov, and Fischer are generally less affected by anger at losing than players like Korchnoi who see themselves primarily in a psychological duel. Fischer, who sometimes had tears in his eyes when he lost, from what I have read never expressed rage at losing a game.I also try to focus on my own craftsmanship whatever the opponent did. When I win or lose, I annotate the game (not blitz) and conclude by listing things I learned from the game. If I made a horrible mistake, I ask what circumstances contributed to it and what I could have done to avoid that. Then later I go through a catalog of my mistakes and look for patterns. That way, at least a new mistake promises new information for the long-term enterprise of honing my craftsmanship, information for which I can be grateful.I hope this helps some.