You know when you duck out of the Courty in Newtown to wander home or to head over to Camperdown Memorial Park (aka the good dog park) and there’s that weird-looking place that kinda looks like a scuddy abandoned warehouse and kinda looks like some disused factory? You know the one.

Well, mates, my good friend Al tweeted about it being on the market and it turns out that festy-looking space at 198-200 Australia St that could maybe be some kind of neglected dormitory is actually a fucken wild converted factory that has a STAGE, FOUR car spaces, two kitchens, a huge pool, and a sauna. Come again?

Look at this bloody thing. It’s no surprise that everyone who has looked at it (probably more squinted-with-one-eye-closed-at-1am) thinks it’s a rundown, disused place in the backstreets of Newtown. It’s in need of a bit of a facelift if it’s not a heritage-listed building or whatever, that’s for sure.

But then inside you’re greeted with this natural light-filled…space (???) that kinda looks like any time I’ve played The Sims and just gone a bit wild on the interior stuff after doing the rosebud cheat, ended up with like 40 flamingos dotted perfectly around the pool and then given up.

OR someone’s been super into Brett Whiteley and just wanted to re-create all of his paintings at once in the single room. It’s ART don’t you KNOW??

So having a look at the floorplan here, I just…I don’t know what the people who gutted and converted this whole place maybe just had no real idea of what they wanted to do so they just put everything in (???)

Could this be like, multiple spaces? There’s like an office, boardroom, and kitchen at the front there, which could be almost entirely blocked off from the rest of the house. Who really needs two kitchens and dining rooms when you’ve got the best nachos in Newtown right next door?

Actually, seriously this looks like it’s a whole skinny self-contained unit at the front, with three bedrooms upstairs, and then a whole other house/massive unit off that, with a master bedroom and two more bedrooms, and a library, three bathrooms and a loo downstairs, a stage (???) and a gallery.

Who wants to make a bet that the front unit was built for the kids, so they had their own space that could be accessed from that one door in the kitchen next to the sauna there. Oh boy.

I’ve also heard that this place is a big reason why the Courty has to be quiet later in the night as well which explains…so much. So so much.

Anyway, there’s no price on it and it’s all “contact agent” so you know it’ll go for like 10 million or something absurd. From what I can tell, it actually looks like this thing has potentially been on the market for almost a year, and hasn’t been sold since its owners picked it up for a tidy $350k back in 1994.

Well, there you go. Who would have thought that place that looks straight-up abandoned would actually be this batshit high-walled oasis/Sims fever dream?

Still not sure if I’ve seen anyone go in or out of it though.