

The He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-less Sixers hosted the (fake) championship contenders Indiana Pacers at the Wells Fargo Center. It was an ugly game. A very ugly game to be exact, but that's not the point of this post. To be honest, I don't think there's a point in this this post, other than me feeling a bit nostalgic. It was either that or call my ex and that's a singularly bad idea. Damned slow days at work.

Anyway, let's see who were the 2012-13 Philadelphia 76ers who managed to score the grand total of 69 (heh, sex) points against the defense anchored by two time (lol) NBA all-star Roy "Verticality" Hibbert.

Do you remember Spencer Hawes? I'm sure you do, tall guy, could shoot threes (allegedly), allergic to defense. Had a very solid facial hair game (though a poor regular hair game as demonstrated by the mullet above). We traded him to the Cavs a year later for Henry Sims, Earl Clark and two second rounders who'd end up being Jerami Grant and Vasilije Micic (I still believe).

Kwame Brown? Hard to forget the veteran presence and stone hands he provided for 22 games that year and got paid 6 million for. Not bad if you ask me, at least not for a player of his caliber. He also started and played 6 minutes against the Pacers that night. Oh, Doug.

Jrue Holiday (look at that face, damn I miss Jrue), in his lone all star season. Good player, I still like him. He marked the beginning of the Process, so he'll always be remembered no matter what. Looking back, the Pelicans won the trade as it practically boils down to Holiday vs Saric, but I would still do the trade every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Then there was Evan Turner, that stranded-Ferrari-on-the-freeway filling, alien looking (ok that was a low blow), wedgie giving, nose-talking (an even lower blow, I'm stopping now), yarmukle-headband wearing, flexing-while-looking-at-the-camera mothefucker. He joined the Pacers and made them unbeatable a year later. He was Okafor before Okafor. The only difference is I liked Okafor and so did other people. No-one liked ET, except Splinter. That man deserves a fanpost to himself at some point.

Nick Young played 39 minutes for the Sixers that night, and they were less SwaggyP-like than expected. Not that he was good or anything, but they lacked a certain SwaggyP-ness that we learned to enjoy. Much like the aforementioned ex, SwaggyP-ness was an acquired taste, but now that he's gone something's missing. He ended up in LA next year, where he staked his claim to immortality by becoming involved in a gossiping triangle of death between him, a blonde rapper (not Eminem. No, not Macklemore either) and a rookie. He will probably also further extend his hold of that claim by getting a ring next June, when GSW inevitably curb-stomps the rest of the league.

Next we have the man himself, Mr. 500, Lavoy Allen. Perpetually sleepy and lethargic, but jovial and kind-hearted, his game was exposed simply due to lack of ability. I'm pretty sure the only reason he was playing that much, is cause he played four years at Temple and that fact somehow inspired a sense of loyalty from the Sixers by association. He was 6th in minutes played that season - probably enough to show you the level of talent oozing from that roster. He accompanied ET to the Pacers, in order to make them unbeatable. Heh, this never gets old (don't make a dead baby joke, don't make a dead baby joke, don't make a dead baby joke).

I now feel bad for bashing ET so much (and for almost making a dead baby joke). OK, here. He could play, he just couldn't shoot. And he absolutely couldn't function without the ball. And he got blocked waaay too much. And he thought he was better than he was. Nah, you know what actually? Fuck him; I could make myself feel better about... myself, but I prefer to keep hating that waste of a second overall pick.

Arnett Moultrie. Doug liked him. Not only that, he liked him enough to give up a first for him. Oh, Doug (x2). In case you were wondering, Doug was wrong to like him. He now plays in Tehran. That's in Iran. I didn't know they had a basketball league there.

Last but not least, 2k legend Dorell Wright. Why he was a 2k legend you ask? He was tall, semi-athletic and could make them splash. Remember: BBall IQ doesn't matter when you're controlling the players. Neither does defense in a video game. Of course, when the only compliment you can pay a player is that his alter ego was kinda good, then that doesn't really count all that much. Having said that, he was one of the few Sixers that didn't embarrass himself on February 6th, 2013. In fact, he was the only one with a non-negative +/-, as he was a staggering +2 for the night. Of course I could have said positive +/- instead of "non-negative", but is there really a difference between +2 and 0? I didn't think so.

Here's the thing with Turner. It's not only that we could've had Cousins or Favors or Hayward (or - don't look now - George), but the utter mismanagement of his situation was infuriating. I still think we ought to have traded him sooner (so maybe Hinkie is partially at blame - optionality my ass, dude, if you see a chance grab it), cause someone would have bitten and coughed up a first. Much like the Okafor situation, if we traded him in his second year we'd have gotten back a more than decent return.

Wait, I forgot someone, the 2k legend wasn't the last one. Royal Ivey was the 9th man who played. Not much to say about him, other than he has a kick ass name. Royal. Now that's a name. Not Evan. Evan's a stupid name.

I also suspect his name is the only reason he played over the other Sixers that didn't. Sixers like Shelvin Mack, Maalik Wayns, Charles Jenkins, Jeremy Pargo and Damien Wilkins. Yes, these are Sixers of 2012-13. And yes, they too have stupid names, at least compared to Royal - though not as stupid as Evan. I wish mama Yoda had named me Royal. And now that I've stopped to think about names, I kind of regret playing the Evan's Gambit as white all the time. How can I play an opening with a such a stupid name? I must reconsider my repertoire. I could play Bird's opening, but fuck the Celtics.

Plus, it's the fact... I'm back to ET by the way... he took advantage of a) Brad Steven's black magic that makes Terry Rozier get triple doubles, b) the best summer possible to be a free agent and c) Neil Olshey's temporary early onset dementia (40 mil to Meyers Leonard, dude? Really??) to walk away 70 millions richer. I can't like the guy. The end.

Honorable mention. Thad Young and Jason Richardson. Didn't play - probably both injured - the latter definitely was. Richardson was a good pro and could once jump really high. Thad is my favorite Sixer behind Iggy, though Embiid is gunning for his spot. Tradition dictates that we call good professionals on poor teams "class acts" so here's to them, class acts the both of them.

Wait, didn't J-Rich impregnate Nash's wife and he ended up divorced? I must amend my previous statement. We had one class act and a wife chasing degenerate who could once jump really high. Eh, we could've done worse.

I'd also like to honorably mention the 2012-13 Indiana Pacers. They really had everything needed to form a dynasty: A potentially top 5 best player, a clear identity, good coach, the crazy guy (*). And then came the photoshoot that ended it all.

That's almost as cringey as my pathetic attempts at chess related humor above. Or humor in general. Or as cringey as this relevant Kings photoshoot that also happened to end a dynasty. Let's send a collective e-mail to Bryan to discourage him from having the team pose with popped collars or something.

(*) On crazy guys.

You need them to compete for a championship. LA had Shaq, he was crazy as they come. Spurs had Ginobilly. He was bat killing crazy. The Pistons had Sheed. Probably why they won it in the first place, they out-crazied everyone with just one player. '06 Heat had Shaq and Payton. You know Payton's crazy. Celtics had Garnett. That dude was like legendary crazy. LA of late 00s had Artest - another legend - hall of famer right there. Mavs had JJ Barea. You don't believe he's crazy? The man is 5'5" and still plays in the NBA despite being elbowed in the face by You-Know-Who. Plus he's Puerto Rican, so you know he's seen some shit (that's not racist, I'm Greek - I have no idea what I'm talking about but Hollywood has taught me latinos are crazy. Blame Harvey Weinstein). Lebron's Heat were just crazy good. GSW has Draymond - he's dickpic sharing crazy (not linking that) and also occasionally kicks nuts. Cavs had JR Smith. Ok that's weak, but the Lebron is crazy good line still stands.

That ended way up too long. Time to finish up, cause slow days might be slow, but I've now spent 3 hours on this.

We have come far since 2013 and as soon as we get our Tim Riggins, we will go farther. Or further - I never learned when to use which.

I'd say "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose" but who am I kidding? "Trust the Process" is the superior mantra. Like GoT vs FNL superior. Or to make yet another reference (as if I haven't made enough), Jason Street vs Matt Saracen superior.

Trust the Process.

Peace.