Donald Trump is having a hard enough time finding someone to perform at his inauguration. It appears the roster of acts willing to play an inauguration ball is equally bare.

Going down Thursday, January 19th at the Hyatt Regency, the All American Ball “is a toast to American culture, featuring a stellar list of special guests, plus multiple areas of entertainment and attractions, which represent the diversity, energy and promise of America.”



Just who makes up this “stellar list”? Well, they’ve got Nashville singer-songwriter Beau Davidson, who will be performing music from his latest album, The American Gentleman; The Reagan Years, “one of the HOTTEST ’80s cover bands” who only perform music released during Ronald Regan’s presidency; and a wedding band called The Mixx; plus DJ sets by DJ Romin, DJ Young Rye, DJ Flow, and — my personal fav — DJ Freedom. The Star Spangled Singers will also take the stage to serenade party-goers with “uplifting, patriotic songs and instrumentals.

Tickets to the star-studded affair are priced at $350.00. For that amount of money, you could go to Coachella instead, but then again, does Coachella have a Paparazzi Photo Shoot Zone? Because the fucking All American Ball does.