Color me naive. I somehow, childish as it was, believed that Anti-#GamerGate would let the 2 year anniversary go unmarked, lest they reawaken the sleeping giant who stopped giving a fuck after Gawker lost to Hulk Hogan. Really, I should have remembered that certain idiots have ONLY their vitriol against a boogeyman internet monster left to cling to as an identity or claim to fame. Truly, TRULY, sad.

Clearly this Native American woman is the most misogynist gamer ever.

Do you remember #NotYourShield, Chris? I mean, you should. You called the Latinos in it Nachos. The movement to remind the ignorant among you that #GamerGate is not white neckbeard misogynist males, but as diverse and international as gamers themselves. At least some anti-GamerGate had the integrity to agree that it was important, that it was about time people started saying “Hang on, I can speak for myself, and a lot easier if you stop claiming I need things I don’t!” You, have no such integrity. Small wonder.

What about the underage girls you tried to leverage during your football career, Chris? Where are they now? Did you ever inform the police or merely give up once the team made it clear that kickers were on their way out and no one wanted you anymore? Do you know their names? Did you get off to the idea that they were enjoying themselves or worse; *not* enjoying themselves?

You claim to be a gamer, but clearly you aren’t. You don’t understand what that means.

Being a gamer isn’t just playing video games. It’s loving them. And I have trouble believing anyone filled with so much hate could love anything, even fiction.

Yeah, that’s a picture of Civ4 in the background, a birthday present from my Dad ages ago I still have.

I’ve been gaming my whole life. My Dad held me in one arm at two weeks old, and used the mouse with his free hand. I spent every second I could in the arcades as a kid, and conning my parents’ professors and grandparents into picking me up so I could reach the pinball buttons or help shoot. When I was eleven, I got an ulcer and then chronic near-daily migraines. The worst times I would be stuck on a couch, unable to crawl up staircases, and my siblings would humor me and ask me to train up their pokemon. I maxed out nearly all the clocks on my DS games. All 200 of them. I have an embarrassing steam library that exposes me as the hoarder I actually am (and also, I like really bad games…) and I’m pretty sure even if I stopped having a normal life and just gamed the rest of the time, I still wouldn’t be able to complete all my games to 100% perfection like I do. More embarrassing still? I’d probably keep replaying my favorites.

The sad thing is, there are thousands of gamers in #GamerGate, men, women, trans*, children, elderly, of all different sorts of nationalities and ethnic backgrounds, but you never see them. You see only the dollar signs of faux outrage and libel.

Gamer is gender neutral, a self-described enthusiasm title. Wear with pride.

The funny thing about #GamerGate is that I went in as a Zoe Quinn fan. An SJW. I recorded my entire journey sideways from that. But the best thing? Was how many other women my age I met. Did you know that several lesbians were able to meet just because of GamerGate? A couple even got married. Or how about the many gay men, or meetups that were a roaring success? No. Such human stories go unmissed by the sad bitter lot who can only feel resentment and hate.

We women are #NotYourShield for deflecting your harassment of gamers behind. You are not protecting us by defaming us, thanks so much.

If it weren’t for #GamerGate waking up to the realization that I was hero worshipping someone nearly identical to my abuser, someone I’d probably have been working alongside today if TheZoePost hadn’t saved me, would have been impossible. I consider myself pretty strong, but I’m bad at knowing and accepting the help I need when I need it, but #GamerGate was there supplying the strength, reminding me, I was not alone.

It’s been two years, and I still talk to the friends I made in it, and follow their streams, and most of all? Game.

Actually, in a very weird twist of fate, I became so concerned that using games journalists was clearly stunting my self-growth and game exploration, that the first October of GG, I made a promise to myself, to not let my decisions for anything be ruled by fear. I started buying a ton of indie bundles, my Steam account jumped from a low 100s to 3000+ in just those two years, and it’s been the third best decision I ever made after getting engaged to my fiance, and pursuing directing no matter what it takes.

I’m happy now. I’m happier and freer than I have been, maybe my whole life. I used to only game when I was at my worst health-wise, otherwise I’d have been working, or reading, or writing. But now? I can confidently say, gaming does, and always HAS, brought out the absolute BEST in me, AND my friends.

What a pity then, that there are so many still scared, so many still in the dark who don’t know about it.

It can be very scary to doubt what you’re told. “Everyone says it so it must be true.” How else would we all agree that the color of the sky appears to be blue? And what if you insist it’s not? What if you insist it’s red. Then they might examine you, try to find out what’s wrong, try to fix you. It can be dangerous to go against the crowd.

The first month of #GamerGate I received rape threats, death threats, rape TO death threats, and the kind of hair-raising chilling messages that I saved for use in my horror stories and movies. All this from so-called feminists. It was baffling then to me, and now, I guess I could say it doesn’t baffle me, just saddens me. How disappointing to see humanity’s worst after seeing their best.

I would pray for you, Chris. Today is my Praying Indians Tribal service, and as with gaming, they bring out the best in me. It’s funny, I remember praying for Mattie Brice, two full rosaries the night she was fired. And yet, and yet, I suppose my compassion is not strong enough. I am tired of this stupidity. Tired of the ignorance and cluelessness that leads from one bitter ex-everything and extends outward like a sickly poison.

Indeed, I made a #GamerGate playlist on my iPod which is missing (long story) that has a song that so perfectly sums up this feeling:

I would say, “You’re not even worth my time,” but I am aware of how ridiculous that is after such a long screed. But like you, my post isn’t to you, but rather all the others who might read this and while I can’t pray for Chris Kluwe, I will pray for the others to have the wisdom and the bravery to spot scumbags when they say it.

Sincerely,

C.C. Silverwolf