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A Question As Old As Time

Who would make a better air traffic controller: Batman or Dracula?

You can't get a group of nerds together without this question eventually getting raised. Everybody has an opinion, and everybody thinks theirs is absolutely correct, but the debate goes on. Who would be a more dependable, consistent, and professional air traffic controller: Batman or Dracula?

Countless variables play into this choice. Which Batman are we talking about, and which version of Dracula? For simplicity's sake, let's compare Adam West's Batman to Gary Oldman's Dracula.

On the one hand, the smooth timbre of Mr. West's voice would be a balm on the jangled nerves of airline pilots. (Far, far better than the disconcerting guttural cough-voice of some other Batmen.) Mr. Oldman's nervous titter, on the other hand, would make hash of commands such as, "DELTA TANGO BRAVO two-two-three. You are cleared on runway four BRAVO. Repeat, clear to land on four BRAVO." Point: Batman.

How would Batman and Dracula handle the stress of the job? Well, here's how pre-Dracula Vlad The Impaler handles the mere death of his wife: YAY VIDEO. And here's how Batman handles a crisis of similar scale: YAY VIDEO. Looks like another point for Batman.

So there you have it: Batman would make a better air traffic controller than Dracula. Use this information wisely, friend.

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