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Thanks to the Internet, we live in an age where anyone can play doctor: Sites like WebMD allow us to look up any symptom and convince ourselves our headache is surely a brain parasite. But did you know that the Internet has that for animals, too? Sites like PetMD have convinced countless clients that little Hissyphus' case of taco shits is actually a sign of some obscure immune disorder, and they will argue to the death about it with someone who actually does this for a living.

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"For the last time, yes: I am 100 percent sure she has feline leukemia. Now can we hurry this along?"

One dog that had heartworm previously came back later experiencing joint problems, and the owner was convinced that somehow the heartworm larva had ended up in the dog's knee. For the record, that doesn't happen. How could that happen? A woman brought in a dog with a pretty cut-and-dried case of ticks, but she was absolutely certain they were ... beetles. Why did she think they were beetles? "I don't know, they're kind of a greenish color."

Don't do this, people. I know some things are obvious, especially to experienced pet owners -- I have every faith that you know what a flea is -- but if you're so knowledgeable about veterinary medicine, why did you come here in the first place?