



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inBKFMB-yPg



Enjoy the music, and a little Iberian Interlude as we enter the next century. The Reconquista may be over, but the fun has just begun. And now, for something completely different!Enjoy the music, and a little Iberian Interlude as we enter the next century. The Reconquista may be over, but the fun has just begun.

Let's start with this guy. I like to call him Alfie of Albuquerque.



In this world, they call him King Afonso VI "the Suspicious." He's really earned the title, too. He's an expert when it comes to counting coins, but that's pretty much his only redeeming quality. He's stubborn, wrathful, and cynical. Besides all that, he's so paranoid his castle is crawling with vicious guard dogs. They're loyal only to the king, nipping at his courtiers' heels as they pass.



He has reason for suspicion.



Y'see, Alfie is descended from King Denis of Portugal. That in and of itself is not the problem--Denis was a great ruler, called "the Farmer King" or "the Poet King" and other nice things like that.



He pretty much built the foundations of the Portuguese nation-state. He orchestrated the construction of the University of Coimbra, created the Portuguese Navy, established a national forest to build the navy of tomorrow, and established the country's very own military order in the wake of the Templars' dissolution. Not only did he establish the local Portuguese dialect as the country's national language over Latin and Castilian, he wrote a bunch of books and poetry and translated even more, basically creating the very idea of Portuguese literature.



In other words, he used the D.E.N.I.S. system:



• D: evelop Infrastructure

• E: xpand the Navy

• N: ationalize Military Orders

• I: nk Some Sick Rhymes

• S: peak Portuguese



Also, he's called "Dinis" in Portuguese, "Denis" in English...and Dionysus in, like, a ton of other languages. His name means Dionysus, you guys. Why don't we call him King Dionysus the Poet King? What a fucking waste.



Anyway.



Alfie's problem lies in the particularities of his ancestry. See, Alfie is descended from Afonso Sanchez, Lord of Albuquerque and Denis's bastard son. Sanchez was his father's favorite, but his other son was his only legitimate heir. Confusingly, this other son was also named Afonso. Buckle in, it only gets worse from here.



The two brothers fought constantly. In our timeline, Afonso Sanchez met an untimely end and his legitimate brother became King Afonso IV. In this timeline, Sanchez won out. His victory ended the House of Burgundy's rule in Portugal, and ushered in the House of Albuquerque. Alfie has to contend with their flimsy claim to legitimacy.







Alfie's neighbor gives him further cause for paranoia. King Oveco Ponce de León has as many spies as he has soldiers, pulling their strings from the safety of his Garden Andaluz.



Oveco comes from an old noble line, but his claim to the throne is about as legitimate as Alfie's. The House of Ponce de León trace their claim back to King Alfonso IX through his illegitimate daughter Aldonza. She married Pedro Ponce de Cabrera, founding the Ponce de León dynasty.



Had your fill of Alfonsos? Too bad, here's some more.



León had been subsumed into the Kingdom of Castile since 1230. In this timeline, the Ponce family seized the Crown of León during the chaotic regency of King Alfonso XI d'Ivrea. They lost the remainder of their ancestral territory to Castile and Portugal, but they seized the rich lands of Andalusia instead. Now King Oveco rules from Córdoba, with the strongest army on the peninsula.

Since I started this timeline in 1320, Iberia has seen a lot of change. Portugal, León, and Castille are all ruled by Houses whose asses had never touched a throne in prior centuries.



Only Aragón is the exception to the rule. Despite the turmoil of the 14th century, the House of Barcelona is still going strong --especially when you consider their estranged siblings on the Byzantine throne, the Varselonikoi. Aragón's even done a little extra-conquisting on the coast of Algeria. I hate how often that happens. That should be really hard to hold, you guys. It's a little insulting.



Anyway.



They enter the next century helmed by Guifre de Barcelona, or "King Wilfrid" to us anglophones. He's famous for staging outrageous parties at an extravagant palace of his own design. Unfortunately, he's also losing a war. But that's a story for the next slide.

King Juan IV de Haro of Castille has had a pretty crazy life.



He's descended from Juan "el Tuerto" de Haro--that's "the One-Eyed" in English. Much like Afonso Suarez, el Tuerto was a failed contender to take the throne from a King. In his case, the throne of Castille belonged to the aforementioned Alfonso XI d'Ivrea. In our timeline, Alfonso XI managed to best his opponents and enter adulthood more or less unscathed. El Tuerto, on the other hand? He got assassinated, like failed contenders do.



In this timeline, El Tuerto got lucky, and Alfonso XI did not. Their war ended in a settlement -- he'd let Alfonso XI rule, so long as Alfonso XI made Juan his heir. After years of trying to assassinate each other, it was Alfonso who got the knife first. That was the fall of the House of Ivrea, and the rise of the House of Haro. They'd been important noblemen before--but now they had a chance on the throne.



King Juan IV's fortunes fluctuate more than the price of bitcoin. He inherited the crown at 10 years old, then got deposed at 12. When he was 18, King Arnaldo "the Impotent" died, leaving the throne to his son. Juan wasn't having that. It only took him a few months to seize power for himself.



Four years later, he's embroiled in two separate wars. He started a war against Aragón first, hoping to take the fertile lands of the Ebro Valley. And technically, it's going well. His army remains undefeated. But Juan IV is nearly broke, while King Wilfred is swimming in dough. Just before Christmas, the Count of Navarre smelled weakness and pounced, hoping to take Viscaya as a present for himself. King Juan's wild ride may be at an end.



Now, back to your usual programming.