In “the most Darren Aronofsky thing of all time”, the director decided on having the exclamation mark at the end of the title of his 2017 film before he’d even written the script, because it “reflects the spirit of the film … at the end of it, there’s a big exclamation point.” Somewhere in east London, a hipster bakery that sells sourdough starters is cursing him for beating them to that name.

Grammar police verdict Starts wrong, ends badly.

Want to add a sense of spurious authority to your film title? Add a colon. From xXx: Return of Xander Cage to Kong: Skull Island to Spider-Man: Far from Home, everything sounds more important with a couple of dots in the middle. Even Nutty Professor II: The Klumps.

Verdict Most colons in film titles are incorrect as what follows should resolve the first part of the sentence. So, strictly, it should be Kong: That Big Ape is Back Again.

Couples Retreat is missing an apostrophe, but actually? Fine. That’s the least lazy thing about this unmemorable 2009 Vince Vaughn-Jason Bateman “comedy”. If you’re not going to put jokes in the film, why bother with punctuation?

Verdict See the mistake as an early warning.

Double exclamation marks!! Interesting!! Mainly because two exclamation points makes any sentence sound uptight and manic, while just one sounds enthusiastic or sarcastic. It’s like a group email about a hen do saying the chief bridesmaid would “love if everyone paid their deposit this week!!”.

Verdict It’s named after a Van Halen song, so Eddie, please see us after class.

if….

Look: if you thought that Malcolm McDowell’s absolutely bonkers 1968 movie about an English boarding school that goes very wrong was surreal and subversive, check out that title! A lower-case i, an ellipsis and then a full stop? The 60s really were wild!

Verdict Pick one mistake! Two is TOO MANY.

Face/Off

Traditionally a slash means “or”. But the film isn’t really about the choice between “face” or “off” is it? It’s between “face” (of John Travolta) or “face” (of Nicolas Cage). So: Face/Face. A sad grammatical error in an otherwise perfectly scientifically factual movie about men who swap faces then switch back again with no medical complications at all.

Verdict No/thanks.