THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense announced today that it has purchased five million Powerball tickets at a cost of $2 per ticket, with an aim of providing a funding windfall to the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter program.

“This is a minor fiscal gamble, but the Pentagon is always willing to lay out a few extra bucks in order to ensure we continue to have the most advanced military in the world,” said Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter, flashing a giddy smile. “Daddy needs a new pair of shoes, and a dozen new F-35s for the Navy’s Pacific Fleet.”

The F-35 program has been beleaguered by cost overruns, with a projected lifetime program cost of at least $1.5 trillion. The estimated $1.5 billion dollar Powerball jackpot would amount to only one-tenth of one percent of the total program cost, but it’s an important step in the Pentagon’s search for additional sources of revenue in the face of Congressional questions about the program. With the odds of winning the Powerball jackpot standing at 1-in-292,000,000, the five million tickets give the Pentagon a 1-in-58 chance of winning the jackpot.