I consider Carrie and Lowell (2015) by Sufjan Stevens to be an artistic masterpiece, and it was actually the first album I ever purchased on vinyl. Listening to this album is like reading through personal diary entries that Sufjan had written during the years following his mother’s death—one of the most depressing points in his life. He freely pours out his raw emotions onto every song, creating a very intimate experience. A haunting atmosphere is common to all tracks, which is created by soft, chilling lyrics delivered over simple instrumentals.

No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross perfectly encapsulates everything that I love about this album. On this track, Sufjan sings about the deep depression that his life was spiraling into after the loss of his mother, and paints images of the self-destructive ways he’d try to cope. In an interview with Pitchfork he stated:

I was so emotionally lost and desperate for what I could no longer pursue in regard to my mother, so I was looking for that in other places. At the time, part of me felt that I was possessed by her spirit and that there were certain destructive behaviors that were manifestations of her possession.

I will go through a line by line analysis, in an attempt to analyze the masterful writing and point out what makes this song so beautiful to me.

Now that I fell into your arms

My only lover

Given the soft guitar in the background and these romantic lines, the opening to this song sounds just like that of a love song. Without knowing the inspiration for the album beforehand, it would be easy to expect the entire song that follows to be happy and positive.

Give out to give in

I search for the capsule I lost

Sufjan shuts down the possibility of this song being a happy one and reveals the “true love” that he was talking about in the first two lines — drugs. This dramatically shifts the listener’s mood. The harsh reality of the state of Sufjan’s life is forced onto us. He’s at a point where he believes that the only thing that can make him feel loved is getting high.

“Give out to give in” is a simple line but has various profound meanings. He repeats the word “give” and appears to create contrast through the antonyms “out” and “in”. Although “out” and “in” are opposites, “give out” and “give in” can both mean giving up. This is one way to view the line. Sufjan could be alluding to how meaningless he feels his life has become. At first glace, we expect Sufjan to deliver a deep statement through juxtaposition, but after examining it, we discover that he’s just reiterating that he’s given up completely. This causes the listener to become disappointed and draw a parallel between how meaningless the line is and how meaningless Sufjan feels. Another way to view the line is that he’s giving up his dignity and his morals in order to give up on life. Sufjan is a Christian, but in these desperate times he gives in to his desires and searches for anything to make him happy. Finally, as stated in the Pitchfork interview, he could be saying that he’s giving up control of his life to his mother’s spirit.

The imagery of Sufjan searching for the capsule (pill) that he’s lost is very powerful. It again shows how desperate he’s become, determined to find more drugs to give him the temporary feeling of happiness. We picture a man that is unwilling to put effort into anything except searching for drugs.

Drag me to hell in the valley of The Dalles

Like my mother

The Dalles is a city in Oregon, where Stevens spent three summers with his mother Carrie and stepfather Lowell as a child. When Sufjan sings “valley of The Dalles”, he holds the da- sound which makes the listener think of “valley of the damned”, a common term when referring to hell. The Dalles reminds him of his mother, which is so painful and torturous to think about right now that Sufjan compares it to being in hell.

Give wings to a stone

It’s only the shadow of a cross

The literal meaning of these lines is that Sufjan thinks he sees wings on his mother’s grave, but then realizes that it’s only the shadow of the cross shaped stone. In a metaphorical sense, I believe that Sufjan is using the stone to represent himself. He is depressed and has no motivation or ability to do anything. He needs drugs to give him the illusion of flying away and forgetting all of his troubles. But, just like the wings were not real and only what he perceived, the drugs are just a temporary solution and don’t really make him happy. The image of a stone with wings could also be perceived as pointless, it makes us ask: “what good are wings to an inanimate object?” Another noteworthy point is that Sufjan’s mother used to exhibit self-destructive behavior as well, and as stated in the Pitchfork article he believes that his mother’s spirit is controlling him. “It’s only the shadow of a cross” could signify that Sufjan is in his mother’s shadow, destined to make the same mistakes that she had.

I slept on my back in the shade of the meadowlark

The meadowlark is the state bird of Oregon. Sufjan had already mentioned that thinking about Oregon brings him to hell, but he keeps remembering the state because it reminds him of his mother. Here, the idea of shade being ineffective is brought up again. In the previous verse, the shadow of the cross represented an illusion of happiness and a connection to his mother’s past mistakes. In this line, we have the image of Sufjan sleeping in the shade of a meadowlark, which is not a particularly big bird. Sufjan probably cannot sleep comfortably in the small shadow, and this ties back to Oregon being like hell for him.

Like a champion

Get drunk to get laid

I take one more hit when you depart

Again, Sufjan lists actions that show the deterioration of his life. He will do anything for temporary happiness including abusing substances and having meaningless sex. “Like a champion” is used ironically. We know that Sufjan’s behavior is the exact opposite of that of a champion, but it’s how he feels in the moments of high he gets.

I’ll drive that stake through the center of my heart

Lonely vampire

The song keeps getting darker and darker as Sufjan begins to express suicidal thoughts. Vampires are commonly seen as heartless, murderous monsters and this is how Sufjan thinks of himself. One effective way of killing vampires is by forcing a stake through their heart. In this case, the stake could be a metaphor for the needles he uses to inject drugs. Another important characteristic of vampires is that they are severely hurt by sunlight. Sufjan is also like a vampire because he shares this same weakness, which explains his desire to seek refuge in the shade.

Inhaling its fire

I’m chasing the dragon too far

Chasing the dragon is a term used to describe inhaling the vapor from a heated opiate. This image of Sufjan literally chasing after a dragon while neglecting to consider the riskiness of the environment closely ties to his destructive behavior. Sufjan has been chasing after “happiness” without considering the terrible consequences his pursuit will have on his life. At first, “chasing the dragon too far” just seems like another addition to the string of terrible decisions Sufjan’s been making, but it actually gives us a glimmer of hope. By acknowledging that he’s been chasing “too far”, it shows that he’s finally beginning to realize how horrible he’s let his life become.

There’s blood on that blade

Fuck me, I’m falling apart

Like the previous lines about “chasing the dragon too far”, this is another powerful sad image that actually gives us more hope. We learn that Sufjan has been cutting himself, but he’s finally beginning to open his eyes as to how far he’s let his life spiral out of control. The way he sings “there’s blood on that blade,” is very realistic and shakes the listener’s soul. It is deeply saddening when we imagine Sufjan coming back to reality and recognizing he’s been willingly harming himself to the point of bleeding. The way Sufjan writes and performs these lines is evidence of his genius.

My assassin

Like Casper the ghost

I read an interpretation of these lines on Genius that is very strong. It explains that Sufjan’s assassin is actually his own belief that his mother’s spirit is controlling him and causing him to follow the same path of self-destruction as her. We see that Sujfan had let superstitions control him, and he connects this to the past of Daniel Johnston. Johnston was obsessed with Casper the friendly ghost, to the point of believing that he actually was Casper and crash landing his private plane.

There’s no shade in the shadow of the cross

The final line is the title of the song. It brings a very abrupt, open-ended conclusion to the song and does not leave us satisfied at all. I personally believe that there is no happy ending to this song and that these lines have a grim meaning. Sufjan is left with a broken life and questioning how it happened to him since he’s a good Christian. “No shade in the shadow of the cross” refers to the lack of protection that Sufjan received from God. This makes sense because throughout the song — the wings on the stone, the meadowlark and now this — shade has not provided any real help to Sufjan.

Although the song never ceases to be depressing, I believe we can still take away an important moral from it. There can come a time when circumstances become worse than you ever could have imagined, and it will only be up to you to save yourself. It is important to seek protection through family, religion, friends, power, etc. but they will not defend you from everything. No matter how incredible your life is, remember that it can all change and that YOU must be ready to handle the situation. Sufjan appears to be much healthier now and still creating wonderful music, which is the real happy ending here.