Politics

The release of tapes from Michael Cohen has the potential to blow this whole Russia investigation wide open. Hopefully, they will also contain the pee tape. And, if Democrats have been really, really good this year, we might even get direct evidence of collusion or criminal conspiracy. Personally, I have my fingers crossed for tape of Trump being obscenely obsequies to Vladimir Putin, known murderer and leader of a state that America could reasonably call a long-term antagonist. Definitely frenemies, at any rate. And it’s fun to engage in speculation.

The best part will be when historians, with the vantage of the future results of the Trump administration, are able to analyze what are sure to be a glut of embarrassing declassified materials. Like Trump doing jello shots with Vlad or table dancing with Kim Jung-un. You know, on a night out things can get a little crazy. You never know what photos you might regret in the morning. Although seeing Trump dancing might be as bad as formed New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s infamous fat-ass wiggle. Perhaps we might even find footage of Trump taking a shot of his disgusting Trump Winery vino—which has been described as “Welch’s grape jelly with alcohol“—out of Putin’s belly button. It would fit in with the image of their relationship we see in the media, that’s for sure.

Would Trump be above debasing himself in that way? It seems astonishingly likely. Remember when Obama leaned over to shake the Saudi king’s hand and nodded a little and Fox News screamed about him “bowing” to a foreign leader? Today, openly requesting Russia to hack the United States’ election is curious not a topic of Fox News’ many broadcasts about Trump. Nor is his constant abasement of the office he holds, nor is the oral stimulation he frequently distributes to Russia and its action. Obama wear a tan suit = call out the dogs. Trump probably benefited from or maybe even participated in a criminal conspiracy to rig an election = collusion isn’t a crime because Fox doesn’t understand how synonyms work.

We have reached an era in which Trump specifically discussing Russia’s many attempts to steal the 2016 presidential election would not be shocking. In fact, the mouthpieces of the Republican party have already begun to prepare for it. We went from “Trump never met with Russians” to “Who cares if we met with Russians, they’re our buddies now” all of the sudden. It’s as if the propaganda wing of the party is preparing for revelations about Trump’s actions during the election. They’re softening up public opinion so that, for the first time in 50 years, conservatives think of Russia as an ally. Remember the Cold War and the House Un-American Activities Committee? Because Republicans don’t, that’s for damn sure.

It should be expected that further tapes expanding on Trump’s disgusting relationship with murderer and spy Vladimir Putin will be released eventually. The idea that Trump did not at least benefit from Russia’s online influence during the months leading up to the election is growing laughably improbable. It requires such incredible mental gymnastics to believe that you could qualify for the Olympics. But if we know one thing about conservatives, it’s that they take to propaganda like flies take to shit.

If you think Trump conspired with Russia (like a sane person), you might enjoy the following posts: