I really want to like symphony music. If only there was a chorus.

If only I could appreciate this

My brother and I were talking last week and he told me that he and his wife were going to the symphony. Or was it the opera? See? I can’t even tell the difference. I mean…I know that they sing in the opera and they don’t in a symphony, but that’s about the extent of both my knowledge and my interest.

A few years ago, I was in Sydney, Australia. That’s where they have that beautiful opera house. I figured it was my duty as a cultureless clod to visit that historic and famous place. I went and bought a ticket for that evening’s symphony. I was going to like it, goddammit.

The nice lady at the box office asked me where I would like to sit. I was dumbfounded. “Umm…near the band?”

She probably thought I was being typically American. I wasn’t. I was being typically stupid.

She gave me a good seat, and I went that night. The orchestra came out and took their seats. The bandleader (conductor? maestro? I have no idea) came out and everyone stood and applauded.

All he was carrying was a stick! Hell, I could do that.

They just sat there?

I listened to the music. I waited for a chorus. I looked at my feet and neither of them were tapping.

Questions entered my mind. If they were all playing the same thing, why did they need all those violins? And cellos? And horns? Why was there only one harp? Everyone was looking at sheet music. Shouldn’t they know it by heart? Wasn’t that cheating? If they were all looking at the sheet music, why the hell did they need the conductor?

I understand that much of the music I love originates in classical music. The theme from The Lone Ranger (William Tell Overture by Gioachino Rossini), or the Puffed Rice commercial (Tchaikovosky’s 1812 Overture). And I know much of Rock & Roll is influenced by classical music. Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull’s flute is a prime example (Bouree), and much of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer is classical music. I get it!

But the late Keith Emerson (of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer) could have done everything that entire symphony did, all by himself!

It just takes a few wires

They didn’t move around! There were no pyrotechnics! I saw a few people nodding off, and they weren’t even wasted (to the best of my knowledge).

Then, the conductor introduced the first chair of the violin section and he got a standing ovation.

Why?!

He played the same music everyone else did. He didn’t have the music memorized, either! I didn’t understand that.

I know that if I took the time, I could research the entire concept and perhaps appreciate the inner workings of symphony.

But I’m much too busy listening to Led Zeppelin II.