A couple weeks back, archaeologists in Egypt discovered an unopened sarcophagus that was black in color and mysterious in origin. Some reasonably worried if researchers opened the lid, a curse would be cast upon the land, and a plague of locusts (or some other sort of old-timey malady) would devour the earth.

Well folks, they opened the sarcophagus, and so far, so good on the curse front. What the archaeologists found instead were the decomposed bodies of three non-royal people and a whole lot of red liquid that looked somewhat cursed in its own right.

Now, 17,645 people (as of this writing) have signed a Change.org petition to drink the red coffin juice. Specifically, to drink it "in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die."

Be the change you want to see in the world, I guess?

According to the Egyptian Antiquities Minister, the Pharaoh Punch is not "juice for mummies that contains an elixir of life" or red mercury; it's just sewage water that leaked into the sarcophagus. Your finest dead body-infused shit water, if you will.

In response, the petition's creator posted, "Please stop trying to tell me the skeleton juice is mostly sewage thats impossible everyone knows skeletons cannot poop."

And the signatures keep piling up.

For now, the sarcophagus is headed to a military museum and the dead bodies are headed to the Alexandria National Museum. As for the bone juice, it was presumably drained and disposed of—or at least, that's what some lucky archaeologists enjoying it all to themselves want us to think. Too bad. It would've made one hell of a Four Loko spin-off.

Sarah Rense Sarah Rense is the Associate Lifestyle Editor at Esquire, where she covers tech, food, drink, home, and more.

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