Ideals are admirable. Aspiring to the highest form of a principle or belief is a measure of one’s character and can shape a person’s very nature. Unflinching idealism, however, can become a self-imposed cage of unrealistic expectations of the world; and the world I find myself in today may just require me to own a gun.

My role in the world today is entirely new to me. Two years ago, I married the most amazing woman on the planet and simultaneously became a stepfather to the four most incredible children alive. I am a white man, but my wife and children are black, and I find myself forced to confront the fact that the privilege that has always kept me exponentially safer than 90% of the rest of the people on Earth does not extend to my family. Just as proximity to blackness does not give me any real understanding of the racism they face, their proximity to whiteness will not protect them from the violence that same racism propagates.

My will and strength are quite literally outgunned, and I find that to be an untenable situation where my children’s safety is concerned.

It terrifies me every day when I consider how emboldened white supremacists have become, now that they have one of their own leading the nation. Confederate flag T-shirts, Nazi Iron Cross tattoos, and the myriad other symbols of white supremacy have moved out of the back of people’s closets, and become everyday occurrences in the grocery store aisle.

How do I keep my kids safe in this world?

I’m probably as tough as any other guy my age and size walking around. I boxed a bit when I was younger; I can handle myself with my hands. But these folks are openly carrying pistols and assault rifles into Chipotle. I’ve got a great left hook, but all the anger and love in the world won’t make my fist strong enough to stop a bullet. My will and strength are quite literally outgunned, and I find that to be an untenable situation where my children’s safety is concerned. And so, I’m at a crossroads with my ideals, and the path ahead is far from clear.