MADISON, WI—Struggling to explain her positive emotional state, area woman Erin Kinney reportedly spent Monday wondering why she was suddenly happy despite not having purchased anything recently. “Huh, that’s weird. Why do I feel so content right now? I don’t think I splurged on anything today, but maybe I just forgot,” said Kinney, who then proceeded to scroll back through her Amazon order history to double check if she had purchased anything that had momentarily slipped her mind. “I swear I must have bought, like, a new sweater, a fancy candle, or some expensive Korean face masks to make myself this cheerful and energized, but I looked at my credit card statement and I apparently I didn’t buy a single thing—not even groceries. Did I go to Target recently? I don’t have any memory of going shopping, but why else would I feel so good?” At press time, Kinney told reporters that she had become so flustered by the whole situation that she had no choice but to run out to a local drug store and buy herself a little pick-me-up.

Advertisement