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I Have Asperger’s and I Read Your Comments Too

Panel 1

[Image] A woman with short brown hair, looking upward and placing her finger on her temple.

[Caption] I have a host of mental differences, including Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of autism.

Panel 2

[Image] A series of images with accompanying text. First, two hands, with open palms – “Gestures.” Next, a pair of lips – “Facial expression”. Next, a series of exclamation points and question marks – “Tone of Voice”. And finally, a man with a finger on his mouth, looking thoughtful – “Social Rules”.

Man [thought bubble]: To hug or not to hug

[Caption] I think of Asperger’s as being without social language: I don’t always get the cues.

Panel 3

[Image] The back of the woman’s head. She is facing a crowd of silhouettes.

[Caption] Because of this, it’s hard to make friends.

Panel 4

[Image] The woman, off to the side of a crowd, of silhouettes at which she is looking. The silhouettes are all facing each other. None are facing her.

[Caption] I used to daydream about what I would give up for friendship. I felt like I would trade everything just to be accepted, liked, loved and valued. Anything to not feel so alone. But what I want most is to be worthy of friendship, just for being who I am.

Panel 5

[Image] The woman facing another woman with long hair and bangs. The long-haired woman looks upset, and her hands are raised expressively.

[Caption] I have my strengths. I can empathize well if people open up to me.

Panel 6

[Image] The short-haired woman sitting in front of a crowd of silhouettes, holding an open book. She is smiling. Bookshelves in the background indicate she is in a library.

[Caption] I’m great at telling and understanding stories. Books will always be on my side.

Panel 7

[Image] The short-haired woman sitting in front of a computer, with her hand on the mouse. One the screen is the headline “Autism.”

[Caption] It’s a struggle, but I’ve found a way to function. Life hurts, but I want to live, and live well. I try to get as much information as I can, and research autism to learn more.

Panel 8

[Image] The computer screen. The sub-headline reads “Topic” and six sections show six different forum posts.

[Caption] But what I read hurts.

Panel 9

[Image] The computer screen, now zoomed in so the text on the screen is clearly visible. The 6 posts read as follows:

? How do you know if your child with autism loves you?

Autism horror stories

? Why isn’t anything working? I want my son back.

! I can’t go anywhere with my children, and I can’t get a babysitter who understands. I feel like I’m in prison.

How do you get out of the house?

My daughter will never be independent. I worry about what will happen when I die. Who’s going to take care of her?

[Caption] I find stories of family members of people who have autism, and how they are affected.

Panel 10

[Image] The short-haired woman holding her head and looking distressed. She is looking down on a faded reproduction of the forum posts, which are larger than her.

[Caption] It’s rarely the person who has autism that tells the stories. People like me are treated as objects of inspiration and burden. We don’t mean to inflict pain on those who love us, but we are the center of their pain. And caretakers should be allowed to express their struggle too…

Panel 11

[Image] Closeup of the short haired-woman, in profile, looking distressed and sad.

[Caption] But it hurts reading these stories.

Panel 12

[Image] The short-haired woman, in her chair in front of the computer. She has her knees pulled up to her chest, and her arms are wrapped around her legs. Her eyes are closed.

[Caption] I might not be “normal” but I’m human. I read. I feel.

Panel 13

[Image] Closeup of the short-haired woman. Tears are streaming down her face.

[Caption] How could they think that none of us would read this? Pages and pages about how my very existence is a burden? I listen to your stories and all I want to do is make it better, be better. But I don’t know how to make you happy.

Woman: I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being me.