Drunken celebrities are the very lifeblood of Internet video. YouTube would be a dark, lonely place without them. In CRACKED's never-ending mission to bring a sense of class and dignity to the Web, we look beneath the surface to present the life lessons we can learn when famous people drink themselves into a stupor. Advertisement

11 "Ah, the French ..." The Clip:

Orson Welles films a commercial for Champagne, and, always the model of integrity, has insisted on sampling several bottles beforehand. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Highlights:

In the actress' quick glance into the camera at 0:21, you can see her clearly dreading what is about to come. Then, a minute into the video, Orson has nearly dozed off and wakes up to the "action" call from the director with a startled, "Mwaahaaa the French ..." What Makes It Poignant:

At 25, he wrote and directed Citizen Cane Kane, still considered by countless snobs the best movie ever made. After that, there's apparently not a lot left to do with your life other than pit obesity and alcoholism against each other in a race to stop your heart. Stop and smell the roses, guys. This is what happens when you peak too early. Continue Reading Below Advertisement

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10 "You a pirate, man." The Clip:

Kiefer Sutherland proves he is a pirate by boarding what he believes to be an enemy ship. Highlights:

Kiefer's response to the assertion that he is a pirate is easily the best possible response he could have given. We tried to think of a better one, but all we could come up with was "That explains all the scurvy and gay sex," which doesn't have quite the same ring to it. Continue Reading Below Advertisement What Makes It Poignant:

This is actually a clip from I Trust You to Kill Me, a documentary following Kiefer's band on tour. The poignancy becomes apparent when you learn that he's not the frontman for this band, or even the double bassist. No, he is the road manager. Look, Hollywood, we need to believe in Jack Bauer. We need to believe that if a dirty bomb is about to explode in L.A., there's a Jack Bauer out there who can stop it by killing 135 people in a single frantic day. It does not help us to see Jack Bauer as a 40-year-old frat boy, trying desperately to cling to the rock-band fantasy of his youth and flinging himself into Christmas decorations to prove what a wild, rocking guy he is. Continue Reading Below Advertisement

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