Women and their Body Hair: a Disentangling

I have pretty fair and not very visible body hair all over me apart from the dark hair on: my legs below the knees, my armpits, the moustache area, either side of my chin, eyebrows and between them, below the belly button (snail trail), my big toes, my nostrils, my pubic area, my labia, spreading out from the bikini line, around the bum hole, around my nipples, bit darker between my boobs and this one dark hair on top of my right thigh which has sprouted only in the last month.



For more detail… I kind of have an ombre effect on my legs where they get much darker at the ankles. I also have a birthmark on my leg where the hair is much thicker and darker and even has lots instances where two or three hairs are growing out of one bit. The hair on my toes and armpits is very dark but pretty sparse. My pubic hair is the thickest and darkest of all and grows very quickly and very long – my leg hair also grows really long but I rarely leave it to see its full potential.



In my experience, by now in these conversations, the shame/irritation/giggling has already started. Perhaps the words ‘gross’, ‘annoying’ and at best a sort of guilty laughter around how long it has been since me or the women I’m talking to have left our hair without some sort of maintenance. But when I write it out now I have the privilege of being able to catch these thoughts before they escape, when, of course, I know that my hair isn’t gross – it certainly isn’t unsanitary, in fact the opposite. And that in itself helps me, I get to have a sort of objective look at my body and just write it out – that’s what is there and through mother nature’s lens it isn’t ugly, disgusting, or embarrassing.



Unfortunately, if I’m honest I have a much more complicated relationship with my hair than mother nature does. Knowing these facts and the objective truth of body hair turned out to not solve my insecurity completely -but it surely is the first step. I was first introduced to these truths once it was too late and I had already accepted my conditioning into hair removal as a teen. Since I was told it is ok to do whatever you want with your body hair I have steadfastly agreed, while at the same time winding my way through bleaching, plucking, shaving (electrically and manually) or just covering the dark body hair areas as best I could when I hadn’t removed my hair.



This hair removal isn’t inherently bad – we are all told that we can be empowered to choose to do whatever we want to our bodies! In practice however I struggled, and still struggle, disentangling (pun) my own body choices from external beauty pressures.



My experience with body hair shame was that I was most at ease with being hairy when alone or with close family or out in public where only strangers saw me – but this did not extend to pubic hair in short shorts or bikinis or pants(my guess as to why bikini line pubic hair is different – especially around family – is that not only do I feel a sense of unkempt manliness with it, but also a feeling that it is somehow more explicit, that there is something sexual about it. So that adds another tangle of something to work through). I find more embarrassment and pressure when I am around young men, particularly straight men who I judge and assume will find my body hair to be unattractive or maybe even repulsive. To reject pressure to be the peak of beauty and allure is one thing but to stand up against the feeling that your friends with will be kinda grossed out by you is another. It could be the case that I am wrong and these men don’t think this at all but there is no way to find out – I doubt they would admit it – and I won’t turn away from these friendships because it is likely that many men have been struck by the other side of women’s beauty standards directing their tastes.



As of now I use an electric shaver for my legs below the knee and with a guard on for my mons pubis (the bit above the vulva below the belly button), and a smaller more precise electric shaver for my bikini line and labia, and also my nostrils and toes. I sometimes bleach my moustache and belly hair, and pluck my eyebrows and the odd chin hair. I have started feeling much more comfortable with leg ‘stubble’ that’s about half a cm long which is odd because I was expecting a sort of confidence all or nothing. I do these things because right now that is what I feel the most comfortable doing – from a mix of embarrassment, sneaky self-repulsion, pubes snagging and pulling around the vulva, and what I assume is my own personal taste.



The problem remains: How can you truly know what you want to do with your body when there’s all this society about? Well my answer is that yes in a world without body hair shame women would probably do a lot less removal and probably largely leave it alone – sort of like what men do. But for now, I'm going to try asking myself why it I'm doing what I'm doing when I remove my hair, and if the answer is out of social pressure and I still want to do it I will. I have learnt that as long as I stay aware of my social conditioning I don't need to create another pressure angle to squeeze myself with; if I'm unhappy to push back against society right now, I don't have to. We all have to forgive ourselves more often when after all it is us that is the victim of whatever shame we have learnt to have, and if you do want to step out of your comfort zone, go for it! My advice would be take it at your own pace - whether it is new to have a go at not shaving your thighs, or if it is new to try putting a picture on social media with your armpit hair out loud and proud.



But in this reality there is not only a body hair burden, we also have an opportunity for celebration. I have a feeling that not only should we try to normalise hairy women – we should also celebrate it! Make it sacred! Because why not? A sexy and beautiful alternative to the celebrated hairless woman, not even a replacement. Every day I love my body hair more – and it’s working much better for me than just ignoring it or finding it meh. Congratulations to our body for growing these lovely hairs all the time that keep us warm, sanitary as well as interesting and amazing.



In the future I hope to write on each area of body hair and my specific relationships with them because it turns out that the relationship I have with my body is pretty complicated and very important/neglected. I’d also like to set challenges with growing my hair out and having it on show, and I'd love to record my experiences on here – I’m pretty excited about it!