Houma, LA – A mechanical failure in the span locking system has left the Dularge Bridge out of commission, sort of. This is hardly news to anyone living in Terrebonne Parish. Residents widely just assume both the Dularge and Houma Navigational Canal Bridges are not working at any given time.

In fact, the Houma Navigational Canal Bridge was out of work so long last year that it qualified for food stamp benefits. In related news, the Dularge Bridge is looking forward to a nice relaxing 2016 where it can finally catch up on Judge Judy reruns while eating Zebra Cakes and collecting a disability check.

However, stubborn commuters who refuse to use the gridlocked twin spans or death-trap of a tunnel are finding out they can use the Dularge Bridge as long as they’re in fourth gear. Resident Silvia Billiot remarked, “Sure it’s not safe, but neither is the tunnel. What else are we gonna do?”

Parish engineers did the math and have concluded that anyone going over 63 MPH should be able to make it to the other side.

Note: Many of these engineers are the same ones who designed the bridge, so please keep that in mind.