Disclaimer: This will NOT happen when you open a packet of crisps.

Disclaimer: This will NOT happen when you open a packet of crisps.

MORTEN CONNELL FEELS wronged and we empathise. Truly we do.

He has a problem with Hunky Dorys crisps. Man of the people that he is, he tackled this issue head on.

He then sent the correspondence to us. (View the original emails here and here)

Behold the email to end all emails:

Dear Mrs Kirwan [Hunky Dorys marketing manager],

I am writing to you to highlight a concern I have about the advertising used on your so called Buffalo flavour ‘HunkyDory’ range of crisps.

My observation is this: on your packaging you proclaim that the crisps within are buffalo flavoured yet the image portrayed on the packet is clearly that of a North American Bison.

I fear this raises a Trading Standards issue as there is a clear divergence between the product contained within the packaging and that portrayed on the packaging. in plain English the product has to be what it claims to be on the tin. At best this product is ambiguous.

Someone who cannot read English could pick up your product expecting to tuck into a Bison flavoured crisp only to be disappointed when they realise that the crisp is in fact Buffalo flavoured

To put it in context, considering the influx in migrant workers it is quite conceivable that someone who cannot read English could pick up your product expecting to tuck into a Bison flavoured crisp only to be disappointed when they realise that the crisp is in fact Buffalo flavoured.

To put it another way (if you are still not convinced) it would be wholly inappropriate to have a picture of a sizzling pork sausage on a packet of beef burgers as this could mislead a consumer as to the product contained within the packaging; this analogy is relevant to your buffalo flavoured crisp product as the picture depicted is a completely different sub genus to that of the species claimed to be the flavour.

Incidentally your crisps do not taste of either.

In fairness as someone with a keen interest in bovine categorisation and memorabilia I can appreciate that the north American Bison is more photogenic and dare I say sexy than the buffalo, however, you should be all too aware of the dangers of using sex to sell potato products what with the furore over your ladies rugby campaign.

Personally I had no issue with that campaign.

I trust this is of assistance. If you wish I have a large collection of sketches of buffalos one of which may be suitable for use on your redesigned packaging. I also have a much more limited collection of sketches by buffalos if you’re interested.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

M. Connell

Perhaps unsurprisingly, a response failed to materialise. No matter. Another email should do the trick…

Image: Shutterstock

Dear Sirs,

I sent a concern I had about your crisp packaging (see below) to Rita Kirwan nearly a month ago and to date I haven’t had even an acknowledgement. She’s maybe on holiday at Tayto Park but I’m sure a message could have been communicated to her so she could cut her vacation short to return to work to reply to me.

Anyway, as a result of her failure to get back to me this issue is causing me ongoing concern and the only way I have been able to try to continue to enjoy your products has been to book a course of hypnotherapy with a local woman who also claims she can communicate with animals.

I’ve had only limited success with this strategy.

Well it’s hard to get in the zone and access the deeper levels of subconscious when your hypnotherapist is barking like an imbecile at her Jack Russell to tell him to stop doing his business on her Axminster. Between me and you I’m beginning to suspect her credentials, either that or her dog isn’t half civilised.

Please let me know if you intend to reply to or ignore me. If I haven’t heard from you within 7 days I will redirect my concern to the National Consumer Agency.

Yours faithfully,

M. Connell

So what’s going to happen next?

Us being us, we couldn’t wait. Contacting Largo Foods, a man by the name of Raymond Coyle got back to us.

Initially telling us his job description was that of “main potato washer”, he later admitted that he was none other than the founder, owner, and CEO of Largo Foods.

Assuring us that he’ll “talk to the man,” he said that buffalo, which Largo Foods have a herd of 270 of in Ireland, is used as a common term for buffalo AND bison.

He also told us that “There used to be hedgehog and squirrel flavoured crisps in the UK, you know.” You learn something new every day.