Courtesy of a reader named Farrah, today we have a letter – purportedly written by Hugh Laurie – that was sent to a number of critics earlier this year along with advance copies of the first two episodes of House, season 7. In it, ‘Laurie’ attempts to sell the show by way of amusingly explaining the benefits of simply owning such a DVD.

Transcript follows.

Image: Farrah

Transcript

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Friend of House,

As an attractive and exquisitely dressed shaper of public opinion, you are no doubt showered daily with novels, movies, gadgets, tropical vacations, government policies – all whimpering for your approval: five stars, three check marks, two thumbs up, six garter belts, whatever your coin of gradation may be.

In acknowledgement of your burden, I hereby excuse you from any obligation to rate the enclosed DVD, containing episodes 1 and 2 of House season 7. I know you have your hands full with other, newer baubles, and don’t have time to re-review the wheel. I understand this. I would only suggest that you leave the DVD in a prominent place in your home and enjoy the warmth generated by the good opinion of your partner/friends/employees as they soften towards you: “I knew it” their eyes will say. “He/she could never be swayed by faddish cable shows and their glazed sugar immediacy. My lover/friend/boss is far deeper than that. He/she is a constant, a rock of dependable good taste. Consequently, I will continue to provide him/her with sexual favors/play weekly ping pong with him/her, and/or remain in his/her employ, perhaps even at a lowered hourly rate.”

And you won’t have lifted so much as a finger.

This is season 7 of House, which makes us something of an oddity in this helter-skelter world. But I firmly believe that we are doing some of our best stories ever, and that we have not lost the power to amuse. On behalf of everyone at House, I thank you for whatever support you have shown us in the past and for whatever may be yet to come.

Love that color on you, by the way.

All the best,

(Signed, ‘Hugh Laurie’)