Trevor Noah

It was another blockbuster day in Washington DC, as the House released more than 300 pages of findings from its impeachment inquiry. But as Trevor Noah noted on the Daily Show, Trump was out of town, heading to London for a major Nato summit, an occasion which exposed simmering tensions between the president and other world leaders. In an impromptu 40-minute press conference earlier this week, Trump blasted France’s president, Emmanuel Macron, for calling Nato “braindead” in part because of the Trump administration’s lack of support. “Trump, as the proud owner of a dying brain, thought Macron was insulting him personally,” Noah explained.

Trump heads to the NATO Summit and starts some ~boeuf~ with French president Macron. pic.twitter.com/F0pCzcCkNm — The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) December 4, 2019

Trump’s defense of Nato is also a significant departure, Noah continued, pointing to a clip in which Trump called the treaty organization “old”, “fat” and “sloppy”. “Why is it that every insult that Trump uses about others always seems to really be about himself?” Noah wondered.

“Every time he mocks other people, it’s like a pain that’s inside of him that he’s trying to project on to others … It’s almost like he’s taking notes during his fights with Melania.”

And then there’s also a trade war heating up between the US and France. Trump complained about a recently announced French tax on American tech companies such as Google, saying: “I’m not going to let people take advantage of American companies, because if anyone is going to take advantage of American companies, it’s gonna be us.”

Noah translated Trump’s logic: “How dare you take advantage of American companies – that’s what I was gonna do.”

“He’s like the world’s worst superhero,” Noah marveled. “He’ll like stop a mugger who’s robbing an old lady, but only so he can fly off with her purse.”

In response to the French taxes, Trump is now threatening to tax “all the most cliched French goods like wine, cheese and handbags”, Noah explained. “He was probably also going to tax French fries and mistresses, but that hit too close to home.”

Jimmy Kimmel

In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel also recapped the president’s trip to London for the Nato summit, starting with Trump’s claim that if anyone was going to take advantage of American companies, it would be him. “That’s right – nobody beats up my little brother except for me,” Kimmel explained as reasoning.

Kimmel also touched on Trump’s issues with Macron’s “braindead” characterization of Nato. “He’s right – what kind of a person would go around making disrespectful statements about Nato?” Kimmel said before rolling a series of clips of Trump lambasting Nato as “obsolete”, “ripping us off” and “it’s old, it’s fat, it’s sloppy”.

In other words, “it’s just like him”, Kimmel said.

Meanwhile, the House released its report based on the impeachment hearings, which revealed that according to phone records, the House intelligence committee member and notorious Trump loyalist Devin Nunes had multiple conversations with Lev Parnas, one of Rudy Giuliani’s Ukrainian associates recently indicted for campaign finance violations. Nunes did not disclose the conversations to the committee nor recuse himself from the investigation; the revelation is “like if we found out Judge Ito used to crash on OJ’s couch or something”, Kimmel explained.

“This report explains why these Republicans around Trump keep saying he didn’t do anything wrong: it’s because they did the same stuff he did.”