SAN FRANCISCO—Having drastically underestimated the expenses required for such an elaborate production, recently deceased local man Norman Dennison is said to have completed his 84-year life Tuesday approximately $130,000 over budget. “Though Mr. Dennison attempted to rein in costs at points, when his life wrapped last week, it ultimately proved far more expensive than anticipated,” investment advisor Samuel Calvert said of Dennison’s existence, pointing to such ballooning financial considerations as meals, wardrobe, and a late-life replacement of his wife, all of which caused outlays to quickly spiral out of control. “Of course, his life ended up running a lot longer than originally planned—and during those last few days, he was racking up expenses of more than $5,000 per day. His location choices certainly didn’t help, either, as he could have set a significant portion of his life in Seattle or Toronto for a fraction of the cost of the Bay Area.” At press time, sources confirmed that his life would likely be considered a loss, as it did not generate sufficient yields to justify its creation.

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