Name: Tara Rose*

Age: 43

Lives: Western Australia

Turning point: Separating after 14 years of marriage

After housing costs has to live on: $260 a week

Sitting in my lounge room, having just ordered some groceries online to be delivered to my frail and ill mother in Victoria, I felt quite emotional as I penned this piece. I wanted it to be concise and tidy, reflective and have purpose. Instead though, what flows below are the somewhat disjointed emotions of my life at present. I am sad that the Life on the breadline series is coming to an end, but so very appreciative to have had the opportunity to introduce my family to you all. I am equally thankful that you have taken the time to read my thoughts, share a little bit of my world and either relate through shared, lived experiences, or gain a little insight into the world of others.

As usual I’m trying to keep it all together and not always succeeding, but I’m working with what I have.

Life on the breadline: 'How many people truly don't understand the Centrelink struggle?' | Tara Rose Read more

Currently I’m concerned that my mother is alone and in hospital on the other side of the country and I can’t be there with her. I’m worried that her health is deteriorating as she ages and really, she needs to be moved over here, closer to myself and her grandchildren, in Western Australia. I wonder how we are going to manage this move, both logistically and financially. The disability support pension my mother receives isn’t much more welcoming than the Newstart allowance I receive, and while I can manage to juggle things enough to order some nonperishable grocery items for her, an interstate move is going to be a big issue.

Once again, though, I am struck with the thought that there is always someone worse off than myself and it is humbling indeed.

At the same time, I’ve also experienced another change in care for one of my teenagers, which again alters the benefit rates. And for reasons known only to the Department of Human Services and Centrelink in particular, I’ve been informed that the duration of my course of study requires “coding differently now”, which means I now need to be swapped over to Austudy. The staffer who advised me of this over the phone was very understanding and helpful, however she was not able to assure me that I wouldn’t end up in receipt of less than I get now on Newstart. My “income” after housing costs may now drop down to $200 per week. I wonder if I can get through my course quicker and what this will take. Can I juggle my work at the stables with more hours of study, less sleep and more stress in general? As I chop fresh homegrown tomatoes and cucumbers I ponder my own health and the instructions from my doctor today to rest my injured shoulder or it will deteriorate more. This rest certainly isn’t possible in my current situation.

I want my children to know that sometimes sacrifices are necessary so that others can reach their potential Tara Rose

I feel like I’m being penalised for studying to reskill and provide for my small family and get back into the paid workforce. The notion that there is no huge incentive or assistance for mature-aged people to do so also floats around my mind and I have to actively dampen down the anxiety and guilt around this. Realistically, my course will not finish until the end of this year and I feel throughout this time, I will be at the mercy of the Centrelink system. I am incredibly thankful that I am able to receive a benefit, but equally stressed at the constant financial juggle.

I take a small comfort in knowing this particular chapter in my life won’t be forever and the increased self-awareness and insights will stay with me for life. Whenever I weigh up my decisions, options, circumstances and my path forward, I always try to come back to this question: what legacy am I leaving my children?

Right now my legacy is still showing my children the value, or lack thereof, of possession, of money, friendships, relationships, of having as strong work ethic and being compassionate and generous with everything that we have and who we are. I want them to know that sometimes, sacrifices are necessary so that others can reach their potential, and that while things might be tough right now, it won’t always be like this. I want them to be able to ask for help in life when they need it and to know that there isn’t anything wrong with doing so. I want them to live through the negative stigmas that they will inevitably encounter in their lives.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest ‘Right now my legacy is still showing my children the value, or lack thereof, of possession, of money.’ Photograph: David Dare Parker/The Guardian

I hope one day they will look at these articles written by all of us Life on the breadline writers and be thankful for what they have in spite of what they don’t have, and still be humble. I am sure they will feel embarrassed that I have shared our lives with complete strangers but I hope they will understand the reason I have done so. Hopefully they will see that behind all of the written word, the stories told, the stigmas faced and the personal struggles endured, that we are all human and everyone deserves to be heard, to have safe housing, food on the table and access to healthcare, whether they have a university degree and high-paying job, are studying and in receipt of a benefit while they try to improve their life or can no longer work for medical reasons.

If my children can walk through life not judging people for what they have and how they came by it, but rather with an open mind, a caring heart and with compassion, then I feel that this particular journey, this project, will have been completely worthwhile. Likewise, if readers can also see the humans behind these articles, and be more understanding and accepting of peoples’ stories, then I feel this project will have been a huge success. We, the writers, will have given voice to those who are reliant on Centrelink, regardless of the reasons.

There is still a subtle simmering of my emotions as I near the end of this final piece in the project. I think back to my now plentiful vegetable garden. When I was penning my first piece for you all, I was struggling with the cost of my water bill, trying to balance out that cost with the benefits that I received from time in my garden and the promise of fresh, homegrown fruit and vegetables. I second-guessed myself when some suggested I should just give up the garden for a cheaper water bill. I am proud that I stuck with it, and we now enjoy fresh garden salads with the vegetables grown and healthy fruit. The mental health benefits are as plentiful as the vegetables and fruit grown, and I can get some much-needed downtime in tending to the plants.

Life on the breadline: I lie awake wondering what else I can sacrifice | Tara Rose Read more

Watching my daughter grow emotionally and socially and gain life skills, becoming more independent, dedicated and disciplined in her pursuits as she inches a little further towards her dreams and goals, with her equine companion and therapist by her side, I am reassured that my hours spent working at the stables, caring for others’ horses and teaching horse riding is worth it. I still work in return for the agistment of our horses, mine aged and retired and my daughter’s young and full of potential, the benefits far outweighing the sacrifices I make.

My little family is not exactly where I want us to be, and in fact we may never be, but we are further ahead of where we were. Maybe this time next year I will be off the Centrelink roundabout and will be in a better position to provide more for my children amd give back more to my community. If we aren’t though, then I will continue forwards with the notion that there is always someone worse off. I hope the powers that be will take the time to read the articles within this project, really see the readers when they describe the struggles, and raise the rates of benefits that we try to survive on. I’m not convinced that will happen.

* Name has been changed