I pushed opened my door after returning from the local Pharmacy, I stepped over piles of clothes and entered a cluttered apartment. Glasses out, dishes overflowing, unsorted mail was piled & half hanging off the glass kitchen table.

In the matter of an hour the tables were cleared, their glass shone. Laundry machine rolling and dishwasher swirling. My mail was neatly organized and the junk discarded. My thoughts were clear and structured. Focus had returned.

I then showered, cleaning my bathroom immediately thereafter. I continued onward with my current Netflix bender. Never missing the beat of the current binge. I sat down on my sofa to a pristine living space.

It had been only a few days since I last had my medication. My life doesn’t particularly spiral out of control, my attitude remains roughly the same. But those days, productivity is far from structured and very much lacking. My mind prevents me completing a task that sits directly in front of me. Focus, nonexistent. Anxiety, crippling. Visual noise, piercing.

Alright, my attitude doesn’t remain the same. These factors all quite obviously take it’s toll. It also tells me that I legitimately have a disorder. I understand that this is an over prescribed medication, maybe over-diagnosed disorder, but if I didn’t have a crutch I don’t know how I’d be able to actually function at the high level in which one is capable.

Today is refill day.

Refill day is big. It resets the course of my mind, organizes all priorities, I immediately begin accomplishing tasks that I’ve been putting off for days, lost in the constant to do list that rarely has items crossed off.

I know when I go to work the following Monday, I’ll be completely back on track. Not that I was ever far off the track, but when a week or so goes by without Adderal, everything is scrambled once again.

Within hours, I’ll have everything that I wanted to accomplish the week before done.

When I woke up this morning and saw that glorious text message saying my prescription was ready, I immediately mobilzed after my morning coffee. Took a pill on the ride home, made my way back to the crib.

This is how refill days, and the subsequent days that follow go.

I truly suffer from ADHD. I can’t think straight on a day to day basis without the assistance of medication and other mindfullness meditation techniques.

Without medication, I’ll make lists in which I never accomplish a single item. Not one, without some kind of mental chaos happening through completion. Prioritizing is non-existant.

This results in on set anxiety when one can’t even force myself to follow through on a simple task. Write a basic e-mail and get it sent. Something as easy to accomplish as any basic work function. I’ll start the draft, knowingly and aware I’m immediately distracted, and continue on into the whirlwind of non-stop information absorbed in my mind and lost in space. My mind will race constantly. This was constant state before going back on ADHD meds as an adult in the workforce.

Why does this happen now at times, while prescribed medication? I have a set amount of my prescription each month, as one does. Week to week, on occasion, I’ll need more than just one per day, therefor will take an additional half or whole as the afternoon carries through. In doing this, I’ll know that I’m setting up myself for a few days of craziness, but do enjoy a break from time to time, if only to maintain a low tolerance.

The first three hours back to work following refill day, I get right back on track. Things slow down all the while speeding up. I can keep up, I will keep up. There is no concern. My confidence has returned to the level it should be at. I’m back at peak performance.

Throughout the next few weeks:

Incredibly prepared for meetings.

Thoughts flow, my speech is delivered eloquently and decisive. I can make things easier to understand for the people that have to deal with my output.

This rant alone is something that is so organized in my mind it’s seamlessly easy to put down on paper.

Managing around refill day is one thing I can control. Timing is everything, I ration at times, take an extra when needed. To control efforts, one must time their dose in order to achieve peak productivity and help quell distractions. Of course coming to the end of a ‘script, this becomes a little more difficult.

But I know it won’t be long, as there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is refill day, on the 15th of every month.