Not as squishy as you would think.

Not as hard as described either. Penises are very smooth. They have very good skin too, you never see a zit on someone’s dick.

At least I haven’t.

Thank god.

When something is weird about a penis you aren’t sure what to do or say. I have a tendency to overcompensate because I would feel awful if I was making someone feel anxious or alone for something they can’t help, like how their body is. So I don’t say anything. I’m not sure if that’s proper protocol. I also figure if it is something like his dick goes to one side a lot he has probably had a lot of practice dealing with it and it’s not going to be a big deal.

But if it’s like short.

I don’t know.

I experienced something once called “triangle dick.” No one believes me but it was legit shaped like a triangle. I can’t tell you what I did with it because I blacked the whole experience out, out of terror and anxiety. I wanted to run away and then I couldn’t hold it like normal because it was shaped so weird. Yeah, the rest of this memory is blocked out. Mostly I tried to not make it a big deal while I was freaking out internally.

But usually, when you first cross the Rubicon and touch someone’s dick it feels both physically and mentally very exciting. It’s like the start of an adventure when you are giddily anticipating what is going to happen when you start touching one and you haven’t had time for anything to feel boring or disappointing. So, touching a dick is initially, probably one of the best parts of sex.

Sometimes a dick feels like an obligation. Once when I didn’t want to go any farther with a guy he told me “but you got me hard.” As if, once his body had that reaction it was my responsibility to see it through. Cool worldview, bro.

If you are in the mood, however, a dick can feel awesome in your mouth. I used to spend Christmas morning at my Grandma’s house and I would be the first person awake so I’d run up and down the stairs trying to wake people up because I was so happy. It’s pretty cool that you can make someone else feel like that.

I suppose what people really want to read about is how a D feels in your V.

I don’t think there are really words to describe it. It would be like the onomatopoeia of your eyes rolling back into your head.

Or maybe like being on gas at the dentist.

I think having the right D in your V is what most people spend their lives trying to do, to put life into really vulgar terms. Plato’s theory about the human soul was that it was driven by animal desire that the evolved person could steer it with reason and our desire to do good. Steer, not overcome. We have an animal appetite to fill and if you find someone that is smart and cool and loves you, you don’t have to feel guilty about it ever again.

So, a dick can feel like a reminder of the wholeness we are capable of and the appetite we give in to when we fall short. Simple cravings sometimes conquered by whatever it is that makes us humans so different than other animals, whether you think it is a tripartite soul or simply a desire to be together.