Pretend nursing far more lucrative than real nursing

Getting a job pretending to be a nurse is much more lucrative than actually looking after sick people, the BBC has revealed.

After the BBC revealed that playing a nurse on Casualty is worth £250k a year, many nurses have said they’d like to try the pretend version of their job for a bit.

First-year nurse Simon Williams said, “I spent a good deal of my training period cleaning up shit, piss and vomit, and now I get to enjoy a £22k starting salary and incredibly unsociable hours.

“I think I would quite like to earn £250k a year to pretend to clean up fake shit and piss, and have someone else actually do it after the director shouts ‘cut’. A trailer in the car park full of my favourite M&Ms also sounds quite nice.

“I’m not saying these fake nurses are not worth it, I’m saying I think I would prefer that job, and how fucking hard can it be?”

A spokesperson for the actors union told us, “Our members work extremely hard and those at the top of their profession have put in many years of effort to earn these rewards – but yeah, we totally agree, nurses are getting shafted on an absolutely collosal scale.”