MILWAUKEE, WI—Disappointed at the outcome of the event she’d been eagerly awaiting for weeks, local woman Hannah Kaperski told reporters Thursday that she would have had an awesome time terminating her unwanted pregnancy if it weren’t for the angry protestors screaming outside the clinic. “It’s just such a bummer—you build up these amazing expectations for aborting your fetus only for a bunch of loud, obnoxious strangers to ruin everything,” said Kaperski, explaining that she’d made the appointment as part of a relaxing “me day” after weeks of feeling stressed out and overwhelmed by the prospect of putting aside her current personal and career goals in order to raise an unplanned child by herself. “This was supposed to just be a fun self-care day. I was so pumped to brag to all my girlfriends about it, but now I’ll have to include the part of the day where a middle-aged woman spat in my face and called me a murderer. It’s such a buzzkill.” Kaperski also admitted that, once she got past the throng of protesters, she did end up having a pretty fun time inside the clinic.

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