180-Degree Turn -

A sometimes difficult maneuver to perform; the degree of difficulty is usually determined by the size of the pilot's ego. A & P. Rating -

Enables you to fly grocery supplies. Aero -

That portion of the atmosphere that lies over Great Britain. Aerodrome -

British word for airport. Exactly what you'd expect from a country that gives its airplanes names like Gypsy Moth, Slingsby Dart, and Fairey Battle Bomber. Aileron -

A hinged control surface on the wing that scares the hell out of airline passengers when it moves. Airfoils -

1. Swords used for dueling in flight. Often used to settle disputes between crew members and passengers.

2. What pilots wrap their sandwiches in. Airframe -

When the FAA inspector knows that you have only a student license and sends his kids to bum a ride with you in the plane. Air Mass -

Impromptu religious service held on board an aircraft immediately following an announcement by the pilot that he is lost, having an engine problem, or running out of fuel. Airplane -

The infernal machine invented by two bicycle mechanics from Dayton, Ohio and perfected on the sands of the Outer Banks of Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Precursor of the Frisbee. Airspeed -

1. The speed of an airplane through the air.

2. True airspeed plus 20% when talking with other pilots. Deduct 25% when listening to a Naval aviator.

3. Measured in furlongs-per-fortnight in student aircraft. Air Traffic Control Center -

A drafty, ill-kept, barn-like structure in which people congregate for dubious reasons. Alternate Airport -

1. The airport that no aircraft has sufficient fuel to proceed to if necessary.

2. The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take off. Altimeter Setting -

The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the control column during a near-minimums instrument approach. AMU -

A measurement of aviation expense. 1 AMU (Aviation Monetary Unit) is equal to $1000. Using AMU's assists in disguising the actual costs of flying. Angle of Attack -

Pick-up lines that pilots use. Arresting Gear -

Police equipment used for keeping order at airport parties. Autopilot -

A would-be airplane pilot who flunked his checkride. Bail Out -

Dipping the water out of the cabin after a heavy rainstorm. Barrel Roll -

Unloading the beer for a hangar party. Caging the Gyro -

Not too difficult with domestic species. Captain -

Any airline pilot wearing four stripes on his sleeve; often found strolling down Lovers' Lane holding his own hand. Carburetor Ice -

Phrase used when reporting a forced landing caused by running out of fuel. Certificated Aircraft -

One that has all hazardous features camouflaged. Cessna 310 -

More than the sum of two Cessna 150's. Chart -

1. Large piece of paper, useful for protecting cockpit surfaces from food and beverage stains.

2. An aeronautical map that provides interesting patterns for the manufacturers of children's curtains. Chock -

1. Sudden and usually unpleasant surprise suffered by Mexican pilots.

2. Piece of wood the lineboy slips in front of wheel while pilot is not looking. Clear -

1. Forecaster's term for low overcast.

2. Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.

(Note: If you have an airport dog, never name him "Clear"!) Cockpit -

1. A confined space in which two chickens fight each other, especially when they can't find the airport in a rainstorm.

2. Area in which the pilot sits while attempting to figure out where he is. Collision -

Unplanned contact between one aircraft and another. As a rule, collisions that result in the creation of several smaller and less airworthy aircraft from the original two are thought to be the most serious. Cone of Confusion -

An area about the size of New Jersey, located near the final approach beacon at an airport. Control Tower -

A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners who can't hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centers. Course -

Popular alternate landing field marked by fairways and greens. Curiously, pilots who land here are said to be "off-course." Crab -

1. A technique used by pilots to compensate for crosswinds, usually without success.

2. Pilot who has just ground-looped after trying unsuccessfully to use this technique.

3. The squadron Ops Officer. Critical Engine -

That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl, but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop. Cuban 8 -

A family of political refugees in Miami. Dead Reckoning -

You reckon correctly, or you are. De-icer -

De person dat puts de ice on de wing. Dive -

Pilots' lounge or airport cafe. Engine Failure -

A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air. Exceptional Flying Ability -

Has equal number of takeoffs and landings. FAA -

Fear And Alarm Fast -

Describes the speed of any high-performance aircraft. Lower-performance and training aircraft are described as "half-fast." Final Approach -

1. Many a seasoned pilot's last landing.

2. Many a student pilot's first landing.

3. Last pass a pilot makes at the opposite sex before giving up. Firewall -

Section of the aircraft specially designed to let heat and smoke enter the cockpit. Flashlight -

Tubular metal container kept in flight bag for storing dead batteries.

Flight Instructor -

Individual of dubious reputation, paid vast sums of money to impart knowledge of questionable value and cast serious doubt on the coordination, intelligence, and ancestry of student pilots. Flight Plan -

Scheme to get away from home to go flying. Glide Distance -

Half the distance from the airplane to the nearest emergency landing field. Glider -

Formerly "airplane," prior to running out of fuel. Gross Weight -

1. A 350-pound pilot (also see "Split S").

2. Maximum permissible takeoff weight plus two suitcases, 10 cans of oil, four sleeping bags, four rifles, eight cases of beer, a bowling ball, and the groceries. Hangar -

Home for anything that flies, mostly birds. Heated Air Mass -

Usually found near hangar, flight lounge, airport cafe, or attractive, non-flying members of the opposite sex. Holding Pattern -

The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility serving a terminal airport. Hotel -

The letter H as pronounced in the phonetic alphabet. Most often heard in intercom conversations between pilots and flight attendants. Hydroplane -

An airplane designed to land on a 20,000 foot long wet runway. IFR -

1. I Follow Roads

2. A method of flying by needle and ripcord. Jet-assisted Takeoff -

1. A rapid-takeoff procedure used by a general aviation pilot who suddenly finds himself taking off on a runway directly in front of a departing 747.

2. Takeoff by pilot who ordered enchiladas for lunch at the airport coffee shop. Junkers 52 -

A collection of elderly airplanes that even the FAA can't make airworthy. Kilometer -

A unit of measurement used on charts to further confuse pilots who already have trouble with knots. Lazy 8 -

1. Well-known fly-in resort ranch.

2. The airport operator, his four mechanics, and three lineboys. Log -

A small rectangular notebook used by pilots to record lies. Magneto -

1. Spanish for, "What a cool-looking magnet!"

2. Not-very-famous Italian vaudeville magician, "The Great Magneto." Mode -

Term used by pilots in the Lafayette Escadrille during WWI to describe what they had to land in during rainy weather. Motor -

A word used by Englishmen and student pilots when referring to an aircraft engine. (also see "Aerodrome") Nanosecond -

Time delay built into the stall warning system. National Airport -

Inordinately congested airport in Washington, D.C. whose Potomac River approach was used by Korean War pilots practicing to bomb the bridges at Toko-Ri. Navigation -

The process by which a pilot finds his way from point A to point B while actually trying to get to point C. Occupied -

An airline term for lavatory. Oshkosh -

A town in Wisconsin that is the site of the annual Experimental Aircraft Association fly-in. It is believed to have been named after the sound that most experimental aircraft engines make. Parasitic Drag -

A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service. Pilot -

A poor, misguided soul who talks about women when he's flying and flying when he's with a woman. Pitch -

The story you give your wife about needing an airplane to use in your business. Pitot Tube -

On long flights, something into which the pilot can pitot. Prop Wash -

1. Cleaning agent used by student pilots.

2. Pilots' equivalent of "hogwash." Pylon -

All aboard! Radar -

An extremely realistic type of video game, often found at airports. Players try to send small game-pieces, called "blips," from one side of the screen to without colliding with each other. Player with the fewest collisions wins. Range -

Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air. Roger -

1. The most popular name in radio transmissions - followed by Dodger, Codger, Over & Out..

2. Used when you're not sure what else to say. S-turn -

Course flown by student pilot from point A to point B. Short-field Takeoff -

A takeoff from any field less than 10,000 feet long. Split S -

What happens to the pants of overweight pilots (also see "Gross Weight"). Spoilers -

The Federal Aviation Administration. Tactics -

What the instrument panel clock sounds like when it needs fixing. An improperly tuned clock goes "Tock Tick" instead of "Tick Tock". Taildragger -

1. An old pilot after a long flight.

2. A young pilot who over-rotates a tricycle gear aircraft on takeoff or landing. Tailwind -

Results from eating beans in the airport coffee shop; often causes oxygen deficiency in the immediate vicinity. Trim Tab -

1. A device that can fly an airplane better than the pilot.

2. Popular diet beverage for fat pilots (also see "Gross Weight"). Useful Load -

Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, without regard to cargo weight. Walkaround -

What you do when waiting for weather to clear. Wilco -

Roger's brother, the nerd. Windsock -

Well-perforated item of clothing worn inside the shoe by underpaid copilot who can't afford a replacement or a darning needle. Wing strut -

Peculiar, ritualistic walk performed by student pilots upon getting out of low-winged trainers following first flight performed without instructor yelling at them. Usually results in instructor yelling at them.