1 The Government Controls Everything. No, Seriously: Everything

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You've probably heard tales about the Orwellian Chinese government arresting journalists, or hiring 2 million people to police the Internet (as though mere humans could ever stuff that particular monster back in the box). Then there's the whole birth control issue. You're probably aware of China's one-child policy, but it's a different matter living with it. Women who work for government departments are subject to an invasive medical exam once a year to make sure they're adhering to the policy, even if they already went through menopause. Just in case they're ... harboring a secret uterus?

It's slightly more insane if you actually do have a child: When we bought our first pregnancy test, there was a discount card for an abortion clinic inside it. Half the Bible Belt would explode if they tried that kind of thing in America. When my wife actually got pregnant, we had to go to about three different government offices to get checked out, fill in a bunch of forms, and then get a little book with the number of our fetus on it. Remember when people were worried that smartphones were the mark of the beast? They're bar-coding the unborn over here like the evil robots from The Matrix, and it's just business as usual.