Authors Note - First fan-fiction. Read a bunch, always been interested in creative writing so giving it a go. Million and one ideas, need to get them down. Written at least 3 chapters already but will await feedback / constructive criticism before uploading on the next chapter. If I'm writing garbage, I'd like to know!

Not going to give back-story of Shepard's character. Hopefully that'll come through as the Chapters flow.

Enjoy! (or not...)

I have to be in hell. It's the only possibility.

He was running towards the beam. Stopping as Harbinger landed next to it. Taunting Shepard. Daring Shepard and what remained of his squad to run at him. Or run at the beam. Attempt to finally end the war.

A signal and the charge begins. He runs as he sees man after man, running in front of or beside him, being decimated by Harbinger. But somehow he survives.

Harbinger taunts him again. The laser continues to fire at everyone and everything around him.

He evades the destruction. A Mako explodes and flies through the air towards him. He dives to his right, the Mako landing with a crunch as it misses him by inches. He turns around and watches as Tali and Garrus run behind him, trying to keep up.

Run.

Tali goes down. She's clearly been critically injured.

Got to get her out of here.

He runs back to Tali. Kneels down beside her and checks her suit. There are numerous holes. He knows an infection is guaranteed. He can also see blood. He places a hand to his ear and calls the Normandy for an Evac. Seconds later the ship arrives and lands.

He carries her in his arms for what he knows, in his heart, is the last time. He hands her to Garrus as they board the ramp. He tells them to go. He pleads with Tali to go back to Rannoch. To build herself a home. The home he had promised her. She, in return, pleads to stay. But he cannot watch her die.

He carresses her helmet and stares into her eyes. He knows he'll never see her again. He tells her he loves her.

Please Tali. Go. I'm doing this for you.

He turns and starts running again as he watches the Normandy fly away. A small smile on his face.

At least she will survive.

Harbinger taunts one last time. The laser again, this time aimed directly at Shepard. He shies away as the laser hits.

The darkness envelopes him.

It was a continuous nightmare. The Crucible. The Catalyst. The Illusive Man. Anderson. Harbinger. The run towards the beam. A red laser burning through his armour and shields. The smell of burned flesh. Gunshot wounds. Broken bones. Thoughts and dreams meshed together.

Voices. Mixed together. Undefined.

You must make a choice.

I can control them!

Your form is fragile. Nothing stands against us.

Talking to the Catalyst. Making a choice. The death of an entire race. A friend.

Was he a saviour? A murderer? The paragon of humanity that he always wanted?

The faces of friends lost. Despite everything he tried, he just wasn't able to save them all. Even those who willingly went to their deaths.

Unending sacrifice.

Voices. Always the voices.

It's okay Skipper. You've made the right call.

It had to be me. Someone else may have gotten it wrong.

Commander. I'm afraid I won't be joining you again.

Shepard-Commander. Does this unit have a soul?

You did good son. You did good.

Earth. Palaven. Thessia. Rannoch. Burning worlds, millions, no, billions, of dead. Reapers. Cannibals. Marauders. Husks. Banshees. The sounds that will haunt his dreams or nightmares forever.

His friends. Contacts. Acquaintances. Shipmates or strangers.

Their faces.

Garrus. Liara. Vega. Joker. Wrex. Grunt. Miranda. Jack. Even Javik. Had he saved any of them? All of them?

But, in the end, the thoughts and dreams always came back to one person.

Tali.

He had promised. A house. A home. A future. A life.

Together.

Shepard slowly opened his eyes. Blinked rapidly as the soft light burned into his retinas. He was looking up at what appeared to be.. a white ceiling? Slowly sound entered his ears. Beeping machines. A quiet murmur in the background. And… the tweeting of birds?

Where am I?

Shepard could feel he was lying on something soft, a bed. The faint smell of lemons.

Fabric softener? A hospital?

He could feel the softness of the sheet on his feet. He wiggled his toes. Pain shot up his legs. But pain was good. Pain meant feeling.

Pain meant he was alive.

Next, fingers. Right hand. He tried lifting his arm. It moved slightly but it was difficult. Painful. Fingers. Not a problem. They wiggled with no effort. But the left, that was a problem. They wouldn't move.

Why is that?

He slowly turned his head to the left.

At first he saw two windows, appearing to look out into a hallway. Slowly lowering his head and coming into his vision, a black hood. A purple mask. Asleep. He could feel her tightly gripping his hand, her head resting heavily on it.

She's alive!

Instantly Shepard's eyes wetted. Shepard tried wiggling his fingers again. That didn't work, so he tried speaking. No words would come. He swallowed but felt something block his throat, but there was at least a guttural sound that made enough noise. Slowly the purple mask lifted, looked at Shepard and froze. Shepard could see the eyes behind the mask widen in shock.

Shepard tried speaking again but couldn't. He just wanted to say something. Even just 'Hi'.

"Shepard..." whispered Tali. Quick as a flash, she was bolt upright in her chair, furiously keying and speaking into her omni-tool.

"Miranda, it's Tali," pure emotion in her choking voice, "Shepard's awake. Keelah, he's awake."

"Shepard, it's Miranda. I need to remove the tubes from your nose and throat. Nod if you understand me."

Shepard nodded, listening to what Miranda was saying, but barely registering it. In the two minutes it had taken for Miranda to rush to his room, and almost drop her chart in surprise, he had not taken his eyes off the black suit and purple mask.

"Okay. Once we do that, we're going to run some minor tests. Nothing strenuous, just a basic minor physical. You've been lain up for a while. While we've done what we can, with the injuries you sustained and the basic medical care available, we simply have no real idea what condition you are now in."

Shepard nodded again as Miranda started removing the tube.

"First thing, Shepard, is that I need to ask you some questions. Remember when you woke up after being dead for two years?"

Shepard acknowledged that with a smile.

"We just need to make sure you are still… you. And before you ask, no, you didn't die this time. It's just been a long time and your body took an incredible amount of trauma. Any normal man would be dead. Needless to say, you are not a normal man, but we need to make see if there's been any lasting damage." Shepard stared, surprised at how unsure Miranda, the usual unflappable and self-confident Miranda, spoke.

With the tubes soon removed, Miranda moved Shepard from his original position lying down into a more comfortable and relaxed seated position. That completed, Miranda sat on his bed and started speaking.

"Okay, these are just going to be real basic questions. It's a very basic assessment okay?" Shepard gave the slightest of nods. "Good. Give me you full name and rank"

With a somewhat croaky and quiet voice, he answered "John William Shepard. Commander. Systems Alliance Navy, N7 Special Forces. Service No. 5923-AC-2826."

"Good. And on what ship do you serve?"

"The SSV Normandy. Captain, though never officially held the rank. The original SR-1 was destroyed after defeating Saren. The SR-2 is my current ship."

"Do you know where you are?"

Shepard shook his head but questioned "I'd guess a hospital. Am I in London?"

Miranda nodded as she asked "And what was your last mission?"

Shepard frowned slightly. "The Reapers. Earth. London. The run to the beam. With Anderson…."

Miranda nodded before asking "I could be here all day Shepard, but your basic memory seems fine. But I must ask otherwise someone may kill me - who is the woman behind me?" while giving a knowing smirk and slightly moving out-of-the-way.

Shepard almost whispered "Tali. The love of my life. I made a promise I intend to keep."

Shepard smiled slightly as he heard the gasp behind the mask.

Miranda was busy checking Shepard's vitals. But he was showing no interest in what Miranda wanted him to do, his eyes still only on the black suit and purple mask, standing only inches behind.

"Shepard, I need you to look into the light. I need you to follow it."

With reluctance, Shepard tore his eyes away from the quarian and followed the light.

"Follow to the left. Good. Follow to the right. Up and down. Okay, vision is fine. Let me just take some of your vitals," as Miranda opened her omni-tool and started scanning various parts of Shepard's body. He just ignored whatever Miranda was doing, returning his gaze to Tali. He smiled slightly and was sure Tali was either smiling or crying, or both, behind the mask.

My God she's beautiful.

Tali was barely holding it together. After so long, the months of waiting, of not knowing if he would ever wake up, her lover, her boyfriend, her soul mate was finally awake. Alive! She had so much to tell him, what had happened in the months since… he left.

"Okay Commander, I'm done with the basics. I'm going to leave you alone for now. I'll have to run more tests but we'll go through that later. I'll let you… catch up with Tali." And with that, Miranda smiled at Shepard before quietly slipping out the door, lightly closing it behind her.

Shepard just stared at Tali. For the first time in his life, he simply didn't know what to say. So he simply held out his left hand which Tali accepted, her body slightly shaking as she wept behind the mask as Shepard pulled her into a hug, still not saying a word, listening to the soft sniffles as Tali laid her head on Shepard's right shoulder.

Shepard held Tali as he could feel her shake with sobs. "I'm sorry," whispered Shepard.

Tali slightly lifted her head. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You did what I asked. You kept your promise. You came back to me. You. Are. Alive. That is all I ever hoped and wanted. Nothing else matters now."

"But..." Shepard started.

"No buts, Shepard. You have done what was required. You saved all of us. Again."

I am the luckiest man alive.

Shepard simply nodded.

"I love you Shepard."

Shepard smiled as he lifted his hand to her helmet and removed the clasps, a soft hiss as he moved the mask. Luminous silver eyes glowed back at him, pale, slightly purple cheeks streaked with tears, that cute button nose and those completely kissable pale lips, the bottom being slightly chewed. Shepard moved his hand to her right cheek and brought her face closer.

"I love you, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy" as he raised his lips to hers, the telltale sign of a smile on her lips.

And there we go. First one down, however many to go.