Here at Instant Lolly, we know each payday feels further away than the last — which is precisely why payday loan brokers like us are happy to be your hero in times of great skintness. Payday loans can provide an instant and miraculous solution to many of life’s unfortunate/freak occurrences, but we’re going to let you in on a secret: these babies ain’t free. These loans offer borrowers a lifeline when they really need it — so before you go spending next month’s wages, you should probably make sure it’s on something you really need.

Behold some unnecessary expenses your payday loan cannot afford.

1. Exotic Creatures

Standard pets like dogs, cats and bunnies are cool, but a shark sounds much better, right? Wrong. If your imagination draws you to such hypothetical purchases as tiger cubs and killer jellyfish, you are what payday lenders like us refer to as an ‘undesirable’. Sure, your brand new shark baby will bring you a lifetime of happiness, but the debt spiral is sure to cancel that out.

2. Plastic Surgery

Mid-life crises are all fine and well, but by no means should your payday loan be spent on upper/lower/wherever else augmentations. Not only are these incredibly costly procedures to begin with, but they’re also definitely the sort of thing that can wait until payday. We’re sure you’re beautiful just as you are — so work with what you’ve got for now and give your bank account a rest.

3. Ibiza

While the team at Instant Lolly can certainly appreciate the cultural marvel that is Ibiza, we urge you to take a step back and reassess. Sure, the tunes are massive and the drinks are plenty, but the repercussions of spending your coveted payday loan on an island session will make for one banging hangover.

4. Casino Antics

If you’re the sort of person who describes bets as ‘sure things’, we recommend you keep a safe and sensible distance from the casino at all times. This is especially true on the payday stretch, considering the inherent foolishness of throwing away money you don’t have yet. There’s breaking the bank and there’s breaking your bank account — and we can assure you this one’s a guaranteed bank-breaker.

5. Psychic Reading(s)

Something about the prospect of being able to take a glimpse into the dark, unknowable future transforms otherwise sane individuals into reckless degenerates. Once in a while, with a tiny fraction of your disposable income, an ironic visit to the nearest clairvoyant can be a laugh — but make your way into the psychic cycle and things get pretty unfunny from there. If you really want to see your future, our suggest is to stop giving money to travellers.

6. Virtual Livestock etc.

While Facebook games like Farmville might seem cool and dangerous at first, there’s a fine line between cool and dangerous and potential bankruptcy. Some overly dedicated Facebook gamers have spent more real life money on their Farmville accounts than it would cost you to purchase actual livestock — and this is no way to spend your emergency payday loan.

7. A Lifetime Supply of <Insert Novelty Item Here>

The team at Instant Lolly can more than appreciate the magnitude of having ten thousand 10p mix-ups and fully support anyone with an allocated sweets fund pursuing this particular dream. Payday loan borrowers, however, should save this kind of stuff for dreamland. Your short term loan should solve a real-life problem, and that doesn’t include yo-yos, popping candy or Lego.

8. Paying Off the Last One

As a payday loan company, we’re all for the idea of payday loans as a financial lifeline — but come on, everything in moderation.