While hanging out with Howard Stern, Chris Robinson had some disrespectful words for John Mayer. As a matter of fact, they were pretty disrespectful to every musician that plays the music of The Grateful Dead for a living. During his talk with Stern he said, “The Grateful Dead has turned into this giant nipple that everyone sucks off of to get money. I’m not a big John Mayer fan. Jerry Garcia is a hero of mine. Everything that Jerry Garcia ever talked about or stood for – John Mayer is the antithesis.” He went on to say, “He knows all the licks, there’s nothing unique about his playing. Jerry was one of the most unique musicians in the world. Jerry never played anyone else’s licks and now here’s John Mayer playing everyone else’s licks.”

I’ve got some news for Chris Robinson. For starters, I’ve seen you play several times with Phil and any attempt you make at being unique, while playing Grateful Dead music, sucks more fuckin peter than a crackhead porn star. You talk about someone else’s licks with absolutely none of your own. You might as well just sit up there with some maracas or a fuckin triangle. You couldn’t put together a lead to save the life of a loved one and you’re gonna run your mouth like you can play. There’s one thing unique about Mayer’s licks, you couldn’t play a single damn one of em… You know what’s the antithesis of Garcia? Going on a radio show and talking shit about a musician playing with 3/6ths of his band you fuckin droopy eyed, weak strummin, murdering Sugaree every time you sing it, bag of egotistical shit.

You talk about the Grateful Dead nipple that everyone sucks off of for money yet you’ve been a part of numerous nipple sucking collaborations. Here’s some breaking news Kris, NONE of them have produced music that could serve as a piss bucket to hold the urine that Dead & Company relieve themselves of at Set Break. When you made that comment, I wonder if you considered how many musicians you were insulting. When asked about Mayer, Clapton said, “He’s a master guitar player.” When asked about Chris Robinson, Clapton said, “Who the fuck is Chris Robinson?” Mayer has done one thing for sure, he’s treated the opportunity and the material as a sacred body of work. At no time has he showed anybody within the community of people that play Grateful Dead music anything but respect. Not only could you learn something about that from him, he could probably teach you how to play an instrument at the same time. Mayer is probably one of the only musicians that play with any of the living legends that takes an enormous pay cut to do so. He makes more money than you, he sells more tickets and albums than you, he has A TON more fans than you and he’s grown the fuck up. You sound like he did when his head was still up his ass. When you’re old or dead, you know how many musicians will be able to provide for their families by performing YOUR music for a living??? Absolutely zero. None. Nobody…

After that, you went on to talk shit about your own brother, a dude that created something with you that gave you the opportunities that you’ve had throughout your life. Your own blood. You know what’s the antithesis of Garcia? Going on the the fuckin radio and trashing your own blood. How many people do you have to have problems with before you consider the possibility that the real dick in your life might be you? While Mayer is playing nearly sold out stadiums with your hero’s band mates this summer and selling out arenas on his own tour, you’ll be playing small, half sold theaters with your Brotherhood which is a pretty fucked up name since you obviously can’t get along with your brother worth shit. “Jealous Again?” You think something unique is happening in your band? It’s just like the Black Crowes only half as good. Maybe Phil will throw you a bone and you can make the Dead catalog sound like some shitty sounding noise as a back up member of The Friends while Mayer is killing it, playing the music that we wanna hear, like we wanna hear it. I love Phil and his friends but I need to hear you singing Garcia’s tunes like I need to lose a testicle in a chainsaw accident. I’m not even mad, I’m pretty damn happy right now, but you can go jump in a lake of dicks bro! Maybe you can sell more tickets if you start playing after parties following Dead & Company Shows.

Jerry never played anyone else’s licks except for the 200 cover tunes he played regularly. One thing is absolutely true. Garcia improved upon every song he ever decided to play. Something you’ve never done in your entire career. Any attempt you’ve made at playing one of Garcia’s tunes has had the same result. The song has suffered like a dying goat being violated by a horny soldier.

“If you plant ice you’re gonna harvest wind” Rant over… In Loving memory of Tito Garcia… Love y’all!!!

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Dead To The Core,

Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly) @gd50th on Twitter Grateful Dean on Facebook Grateful_Dean on fans.com

Grateful Dean on Facebook Grateful_Dean on fans.com