4. Converse with Spirits

It’s true what they say: there are some crazy mother fuckers out there. Six weeks ago, all alone in the middle of a forest, I ran into one. As part of my training I did The Canyon Meadow Trail Run–an infinitely glorious race through the Redwood Forests. About 10-11 miles in I bumped into a short 65-year-old man from Kyoto. His name was (and still is I imagine) Hajime–a word that means ‘beginning’ in Japanese. It felt symbolic then, and it still does now. I was running the 30K. He was running the marathon. Very. Very. Slowly. Somewhat laughably so, until I realized it was his 655th–his 2nd that week. This man completely captured my imagination. For miles, I listened to him spout stories and wisdom, in between huge fits of laughter. Tales of 150 mile hikes across the Sahara. Open reflections on losing his wife, and raising his children. Mile-after-mile, Hajime slowly began to reframe my view on running, life, the universe, and everything. Master and apprentice lost in the woods of Dagobah. After long pauses, he would say stuff like:

“Free yourself from the slavery of time, you must.

Unlock your true human potential, you will.”

He was, without a doubt, one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, and I’d never have met him had I not started running. Somewhere along the line I half expected him to disappear, like a Spirit of the woods. Thankfully he remained. And still does, every time I go out for a run.

5. Prescribe yourself Ritalin

Like many, I literally have the attention span of File>Open New Tab>Internet. Like you, I know not what’s whittled away at my ability to pay attention to almost anything. Perhaps it’s the Clockwork Orange number the Internet’s dialing into our brainboxes–that endless torrent of content forever grabbing the eyes by the balls. Whatever the scientific explanation is, just like you, I am attention-intolerant. Evidently, there is no cure. Not even Internet Porn. That said, I have found running extremely long distances for hours on end doing absolutely nothing except running extremely long distances for hours on end does help. Running requires very little thinking: left foot, right front, reverse, repeat. Do that for three hours and your brain stops thinking. The benefits of focusing on nothing, is that you become slightly better at focusing on something. And like everything, practice makes perfect. I cannot guarantee it’ll work for you, but it’s certainly done wonders for “Holy Shit! A window!”

6. Try the World’s Best Beer

I’ve had a lot of good beers in my life. The second best beer I ever had was at my first ever job. I was washing pots and pans in an English restaurant in Spain. I was 15 at the time. At midnight the chefs would stop cooking, fuck off to the bar and leave Oliver Twist over here staring down the barrel of a thousand greasy pans. It was hard work. When I finally finished, they’d pour me a pint. I don’t believe in God, but that shit tasted like heaven. It was the moment I knew: Beer was the dogs’ bollocks. Now, and I don’t say this lightly. The beer I had directly after the race was the best beer of my whole entire life. If for no other reason my friends: do it for the beer.