Hello,

Some of you may remember me. I used to post a lot. If I don’t anymore, it’s not because I’ve become tired of the community; it’s simply because I now have a full-time job and have very little free time now.

When I was unemployed (and had time to browse these forums), I was, like you, frustrated about women, about how they treated me, and the like. I limited my interactions with them, thinking that it wasn’t worth it, that I had more important s~~~ to worry about, and focused on myself, my hobbies, and finding employment.

Now I have a job I really like that pays me well, a mere six months of going to the gym regularly has done wonders to my health, my appearance, my physique, my strength, my mood, I feel that my life is really good and I have a lot to look forward to. The only thing that I feel is missing is that there is/are no woman/women in my life.

I suppose I’ve always cared, but in the past I’ve found it not worth the effort and was too upset and bitter about how women in the past have treated me. But I think it’s come to the point in my life where biology has won over, and I really do desire sex, companionship, intimacy, etc., so much so that I have to do something about it.

Because I my social circles have no women (for good reason), I’ve implemented a simple habit: I go up to at least one girl a day, and tell her that she’s cute and I want to meet her.

Everyone, both men and women, has his defenses up, and for good reason: there are a lot of horrible people who will use your vulnerability to take advantage of you. But, deep down, we all want to bond with other human beings, and you can bond only when both people are vulnerable to each other. But if we keep our defenses up all the time, we can’t bond. No one wants to be the first to be vulnerable, because it’s terrifying! I’m hoping that if I express my vulnerability to women, in the long run, I’ll eventually find a few who want to drop their defenses with me when they see I’m dropping my defenses with them.

I used to hate the idea of approaching random women and hitting on them; I knew they get an ego boost from it, and I didn’t want to give them my attention if I wasn’t getting laid from it. But I realized: I want to find someone, so I must take the initiative. What do I care if some bitches I’m incompatible with get an ego boost or find me creepy? Since when do I care what women think of me?

You might be saying that showing direct interest in a woman is not a good strategy, that women want men who mistreat them and ignore them. That may be true, it might even be true for most women, but I’m not looking to attract most women; that would be unrealistic and a waste of time and effort. I’m trying to find just a few I’m compatible with—and I’m sure they exist, just because there are 3.6 billion of them or so. Women who get off on guys ignoring them and treating them like crap deserve to end up with guys that ignore them and treat them like crap. I have no interest in that drama.

You might also say that you shouldn’t give your attention until a woman has earned it i.e., treat your attention the way women treat sex. To that I respond: you, out of all people, should know that women take the initiative in absolutely f~~~ing nothing (with the exception of divorce and child support). If men didn’t do everything, nothing would happen. If I want women in my life, I need to take the initiative, because women sure as s~~~ aren’t going to.

At first it was terrifying. I still get anxiety doing it, but it’s been getting easier and easier. I’m on day five or six now (no lays, but this is a long-term game after all; most men are not going to be compatible with most women, so it’s expected you’ll get rejected by most), and here’s what been happening:

1. I’ve grown way more confident. Once you realize that the vast majority of woman, even if they’re not interested, respond positively when you authentically hit on them in a non-threatening way, you realize that there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of.

2. I’ve realized that the fear of rejection is 100% irrational (yet I still feel it; weird!). Who cares if she rejects you? You’ll never run out of women! I don’t know where it (the fear) comes from, but I suspect it’s biologically ingrained: my theory is that it’s left over from the time when humans lived in small tribal communities, and if one woman found you repulsive, she’d poison the well, and because women are herd creatures, they all reject you, and you’ve permanently lost the opportunity to pass on your genes.

3. I’m a hell of a lot less needy now. Before I used to angst over s~~~ like “did I send the right text? Did I text too soon? Did I text too late? Did I text too much? What’s she thinking?” and all that bulls~~~. Now I’m free to be myself, do what I want, and who cares if a woman rejects me? There’s no shortage of them!

4. I feel that I’m taking back control of my sex and love life. Before, a prospect would pop up three times a year if I was lucky. Now I always have prospects. Beautiful women are absolutely everywhere; they’re not a scarce resource, and I have the power and initiative to introduce myself to every single one, and even probably get a phone number. It’s a really empowering, wonderful feeling.

5. I’ve gotten a lot more physical in my interactions with women now. Before, I used to hide my sexuality, fearing that I’d come across as creepy, that she’d be turned off, etc.; but now, who cares if a woman is turned off by my sexuality, since there are so many of them? I have yet to achieve the “unapologetically sexual” mindset completely (like the sluts in SlutWalks, except less obnoxious), but I definitely feel I’m getting there, and I’m happy with how I’m changing.

6. Creepiness has absolutely nothing to do with a man’s behavior. If the exact same man approaches ten different women, does/says the exact same thing, expresses his sexuality in a non-threatening way, nine of them will find it charming and flattering (and will perhaps even be aroused), while one will find it creepy. Creepiness has nothing to do with behavior and everything to do with how a woman chooses to perceive it. Now I no longer worry about being perceived as creepy.

I’m of the opinion that women are like drugs: they can be very dangerous, and they have destroyed (and are destroying) many men who mess with them; but if you’re careful, know the risks, and use them in moderation, you can have a positive, healthy experience. I still think cohabitation, marriage, and parenthood are losing deals. I don’t believe in the concept of a “soul mate,” nor do I believe in lasting, unconditional love; but I do believe you can have positive experiences with women, and I’m taking the steps to try to have them.

What do you think? Does my desire for women, my initiative to satisfy that desire, my optimism in the outcome, and my belief I can eventually find a woman/women whose values and desires align with mine, and that we can enrich each other’s lives, mean I’m not MGTOW anymore?