Don't Mean To Be A Party Pooper - But I Have Questions

MEME

Chapter 2 Season 2 of Fortnite has been intriguing, to say the least! It was highly anticipated and it did not disappoint! Some exciting features that have been introduced - Miniguns are back, traps have been vaulted, Meowscles, and more! Also, everyone and their mama is a banana?! Being hit by clones might be the worst way to die. But I do have questions. So...my first question is about the porta-potties. I think they are a great idea! I mean...who is going to be looking for someone in a toilet? It’s genius. I have only one concern. Are they sanitary? You hop in and go on a slip and slide until you pop out somewhere entirely different. Surely, you can’t just step inside of a porta-potty, stuff yourself in, slide through a tunnel with no precautionary measures without getting shit on, right?? No one escapes that adventure unscathed. I know it’s just a game, but something about it launches me into full-force Bleach, Lysol, and Febreeze mode.

MEME

I’ve had this question for some time now. Everyone is familiar with boats and other means of transportation in Fortnite. My question is...are there owners to these vehicles? If the answer is yes, will I be arrested for theft? Hear me out...you’re running for your life, the storm is gaining on you. A John Wick skin has just spotted you. There’s a boat nearby...but it’s not your boat. There’s no one around to stop you...except for John Wick. You dodge him. The keys are in the ignition. You know it’s morally wrong, but you’re so tired of running. If you swim, he will catch you. If you launchpad, he will find you. The boat is your only solace in this apocalyptic hell-hole. You’re free and you send a rocket his way. It misses, of course, but you’re safe. There’s only one question in the back of your mind. Am I going to jail if I survive?

MEME

I have so many questions about fish. My first question is the one I’ve thought about the most - do fish survive the storm? If so, how?! Are we eating mutated fish for health? Will this have any adverse effects? Moving on, how are we fishing out weapons? Do people die in the water, and we get their remains? When someone dies in the streams, are the fish nibbling on their carcasses? Or if the weapons aren’t from others’ remains, do the fish poo them out? Where are these weapons coming from?!?

Here are a few half-baked questions I have. When a gas station is blown to bits, does someone lose a job? If I loot the back of a large truck, is the truck driver later punished? Are there consequences for my questionable morals?? When I pick-ax the slurp truck, did I strand someone in the middle of nowhere? These henchmen are the most irritating lil shits ever. Who do they work for? Why do they make that annoying “myeh” sound? Is it a villain requirement? Did the bus driver hire them?

What’s the deal with reboot cards? At first, I thought they were tiny discs collecting our souls and trapping them forever. It turns out, I’m just very cynical and fascinated by the paranormal. It’s actually much less evil. It’s likely that the battle royale is a simulation and the reboot cards collect the pixels of our digital form. I have been told some of the answers to my theories are in Save the World mode. So I know what I’ll be doing next week! Finally, the question I’ve been yearning to ask - what in fresh hell is Meowscles??? Is he a scientific phenomenon. Is he a testament to how far our technology has come in the game? OR is Meowscles an abomination of God, himself. Nature did not intend for a cat to look like that. Did Lucifer Morningstar craft him to mock the Almighty's version of the feline?

MEME

There you have it. My theories about Fortnite and some questions that are unanswered about Season 2 Chapter 2. I’m looking forward to playing Save The World and more Battle Royale and will be back next week with more ridiculous speculations.