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The NSW Premier says Sydney’s first weekend of 2017 has been one without drama, aside from a few noisy late-night frozen yoghurt and gelato stores in the CBD.

Baird, who announced his war against night trade in 2014, says he is impressed with the results of the prohibition-style lock-out laws against alcohol consumption and live music. He says the key was to lower foot traffic by 90%.

“The streets are definitely safer, there’s no doubt about that” he says over a late night earl grey.

“Obviously, there is still the unresolved issue of a few restaurants and ice cream stores that feel the need to play upbeat and vibrant music past 9pm in Kings Cross and Surry Hills”

Baird says this kind of anti-social behaviour is a worry in contemporary Sydney, as his entire Government depends on the sale of inner city council housing blocks to developers, who are more inclined to build high rises in suburbs that don’t have people walking in them.

“My office is working with the nearby baby boomers who complain about the noise affecting their property value. We should have some sort of legislation ready to be passed in the middle of the night by all February, I believe”

Local Gelato-store-owner, Frankie Messina, says that he’s been a victim of all kinds of abuse from post-war semi-retired white people who decided to retire in the city and can’t believe they have to put up with noise.

“On Saturday night I had 53 noise complaints before 9:30pm, and went home to find the head of my prize racehorses in my bed”

“I can’t win. Mike Baird has personally told me to pack it up and move to Parramatta.”

Local Baby Boomer, Michael Potter (65), spoke to the Betoota Advocate about this issue.

“My generation never had it easy! So what if we decided to buy up four terrace houses each in the middle of Sydney’s rowdiest nightstrip. I shouldn’t have to put up with noise if I don’t want to!”

“I’m a caucasian post-war Australian. I’ve never had to make a compromise in my life, and I don’t plan on starting now!”