I picture NASA shifting uncomfortably in its chair, running its fingers under its collar and wondering if it's the only one feeling warm now that sex is in the air.

Or beyond the air, as the case may be.

You see, the space agency is almost 50 years old, and while it likes to think it's a leader in exploring new frontiers, it has yet to shake off the fetters of its childhood when it comes to sex, romance and relationships.

Yet it is starting to talk more publicly about the special considerations associated with long space flights, such as how to deal with illness and even death when you can't just turn around and come home. And sex is on the list for future discussions.

In the past, NASA has not been comfortable talking about sexuality, says science journalist Laura Woodmansee, who encountered resistance while researching her book Sex in Space.

"It's almost as if (retired astronauts) agreed not to talk about sex when they left (NASA)," she says. "And the current ones worry about their jobs and how it would make them look."

Yet as humans begin to spend more time in space and to travel further from Earth, space agencies will need to factor sex into their equations.

"We will have to address crew compatibility, sexuality issues, whether there is a necessity for sexual activity," says David Steitz, NASA senior public affairs officer.

He had the grace to laugh when I interrupted with a "Hell, yeah!"

But I was serious, too. We cannot expect astronauts to spend three years in a spacecraft and not have sex – of some kind. Probably with each other, and likely in more than one combination.

Sex in space presents a number of challenges beyond tangible matters like zero gravity or awkward enclosures. In fact, the physics should be the least of NASA's concerns.

It's the touchy-feely bit that the agency will need to consider seriously. Blindly applying Earth-bound standards that astronauts cannot follow under space-voyage conditions will only lead to guilt and shame.

What happens if one person in the spaceship makes a romantic overture, only to be rebuffed? What happens if an astronaut in a relationship back home falls in love with another member of the mission? What to do – send a breakup text message from Mars?

How do you handle love, sex, romance, heartbreak, jealousy, hurt, unrequited longing, crushes, loneliness and twitterpation when you're 18 months away from Earth and perhaps unsure whether you'll make it back?

You cope with it the way you do everything else in space. You rely on your intelligence, your commitment to the common good and your training.

If NASA invites me to take part in discussions about sexual standards in space – it could happen – I will suggest sending all candidates into the adult internet for a year.

They don't have to have cybersex or fall in love, but they should participate in different types of adult communities until they become comfortable with the wide range of human sexual relationships. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would gladly volunteer to show astronauts the ropes.

Online, astronauts (and their partners, if they have any) can learn how to deal with sexual situations similar to those they will face in space, with one important difference: an escape hatch.

They can observe and experiment with sex without possession, partnership without monogamy, sexual pleasure without expectation of roses or breakfast.

They can discover group love, bond with a special someone, or both. They can try letting go of jealousy and fear, figure out how to protect themselves from other people's drama, and develop healthy ways to cope with desire, love and rejection.

Some astronauts might discover they are comfortable with polyamory or bisexuality while others might reaffirm their commitment to monogamy. The important thing is that they practice living and working respectfully with others regardless of who is sleeping with whom.

We need to acknowledge that humans will bring our sexuality with us into space and that includes all the complexities of relationships as well as the relatively simple matter of bodies. NASA cannot avoid confronting those complexities, especially now that the public knows even astronauts sometimes confuse obsession with love.

"How long can humans go without sex?" is not the right question.

I don't care if you have a same-sex crew of great-grandparents who have never had a flicker of sexual desire in their entire lives. Lock a group of humans into a ship, sail them through space and time, and it won't take long for that deep, ancient need for touch and intimacy to surface.

For now, Steitz says, NASA is still trying to work out how to keep crewmembers physically healthy on an interplanetary journey.

"Obviously mental health is as important as the physical. The difference is, it's easier to develop physical standards for human bodies than for psychological or behavioral well-being," he says. "I can tell you how much bone mass you have, what your muscle strength is, how much oxygen you're breathing. But it's much harder to try to figure out 'are you happy?'"

Once they develop standards for maintaining physical health, he says, they can start designing a spacecraft. Only then do the less technical matters come to the fore.

Like where to stow the chocolate.

See you next Friday,

Regina Lynn

Regina Lynn celebrated her 36th birthday yesterday and still wants to be an astronaut when she grows up, now that's she's too old to be a jockey.

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