Living in an age where people threaten legal action the moment they trip over a pebble on a public beach, it’s little wonder that companies and organisations should take extra precautions when allowing everyday folks to wander around their facilities during open days, taking great pains to highlight every possible risk beforehand so that they don’t get sued when someone gets savaged by a radioactive monkey.

Japan’s Ministry of Defense is no exception, and in an effort to ensure their safety when touring military vessels, have put together some handy information and rules for the public to abide by while on board. Fortunately for you and me, this is no boring old list of dos and don’ts: this is a list that comes with pictures evidently created by a member of staff with years of experience using Microsoft Windows’ Paint program, resulting something that not only looks like South Park‘s “Terrance and Phillip Show” but even manages to sneak in a little Metal Gear Solid reference for video game fans.

The following are genuine health and safety guidelines from Japan’s Ministry of Defense website. Warning: they might just make your day.

The first couple of illustrations warn visitors to always climb ladders and stairs properly, using both hands, and that by no means should they attempt to sneak into restricted areas. We’re guessing that the creator of these pictures is also a bit of a video game fan and just couldn’t resist giving a wink to Metal Gear Solid 2 fans by adding a speech bubble reading “Over here, Snake!” alongside the picture of a tourist engaging in a spot of amateur espionage action.

▼ “Over here, Snake!”

▼ Next, we are warned not to lean against the guard rails while on board. If you do, you risk slipping over the side and softly exclaiming “Wha?” as you fall to your death.

▼ No pushing or running on the upper deck. And no bursting into song like the man in the bottom-left.

▼ One of our very favourites, this picture actually warns visitors not to go pressing buttons or fiddling with equipment, but we think “No karate chopping” or “No octopus men” work just as well.

▼ Oh, and be sure to mind your head, elbows and shins pretty much all the time.

▼ Lastly, let’s all use the toilet properly, please. And close the valve when you’re finished! Remember: lefty loosey, righty tighty.

I don’t know about you guys, but I suddenly really want to take a tour on a warship…

Source: Itai News (Japanese)