Palo Alto, CA – Do you ever get bothered that so many catheters, speculums, plastic urinals, etc. are wasted in hospitals on a daily basis? Lament no more! Recycling enthusiasts are celebrating this week after news that a new company will be using various disposable hospital items for other practical purposes. Here are some examples:

5. Urinal Water Bottles

Okay don’t lie, we’ve all seen these perfectly sized and shaped plastic pee vessels and thought “Wow, that would make a perfect water bottle.” I mean the thing is built so that even the most feeble of elderly males can slip their deal in and get business done without spilling it all over themselves. So yeah, they will make legit water bottles. If you use it for lemonade, just don’t get it confused with the others!

4. Anoscope Toothbrush Holder

Alright listen, we don’t necessarily like this one. But we’ve all seen one of these rectum dilators and thought how perfectly it would work to hold some type of stick-like object. Well, look no further than your toothbrush. Never mind that it was once used to hold hemorrhoids out of the way. This thing is too perfect to go to waste. Use it proudly!

3. Otoscope Tip Icing Bags

How many of these things get thrown away every day? 10 million? It’s got to be at least that. Now, instead of just mindlessly tossing them in the trash, you can save them to decorate cupcakes. I mean look how perfectly it fits. It’s probably best you use darker colored frostings in case some ear jam makes it in the mix.

2. Catheter Straws

We don’t necessarily like this one either, but that doesn’t matter. It’s too perfect to not include on the list. I mean a catheter is already just a penis straw, so why not keep using it for it’s God-given purpose? Just look how happy this couple is sipping on their recycled stream straw. Apparently, the company will be experimenting with different shapes, sizes and models. You can even get a twisty one if you want!

1. Speculum Ice Cream Scoop

“I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!” Next time you’re at the OB/Gyn getting the depths of your soul checked out, we recommend bringing this one up. Ask them if you can keep the speculum because you’d like to recycle it as an ice cream scoop. If the doctor doesn’t immediately want to invest in your idea, get a new doctor. This is that genius. To not put the speculum ice cream scooper as #1 on this list would be an absolute crime, so we didn’t risk it.

Think of all the flavors you could have: Cervical Cherry, Vaginal Vanilla, Labial Lemon, the list goes on and on. It’s only a matter of time until these things hit the mainstream, just remember you heard it here first!

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