We’ve been leaked a video which could not be a more perfect distillation of Scientology as it exists in 2014.

This thing, well, it’s — it’s beautiful.

Before we show it to you, we want to help you put it in context. The few remaining Scientologists in Atlanta, like other cities in the U.S., are under intense pressure to donate huge amounts of money in order to pay for a new building they don’t need. These new facilities are called “Ideal Orgs,” and just yesterday former Scientology spokesman Mike Rinder posted a great backgrounder on this maniacal decade-long push by church leader David Miscavige.

Rinder explains that Miscavige has numerous reasons to strong-arm his dwindling membership to come up with millions of dollars to purchase and renovate Ideal Orgs around the world, primarily so he can tell the press that Scientology is expanding (when the opposite is true).

We’ve showed you numerous videos and mailers which show Scientologists trying to generate enthusiasm about fleecings they get at themed fundraising parties, and it’s quite obvious that it’s getting harder and harder to get people to show up. Even L. Ron Hubbard-loving automatons are pretty fed up with being told they need to dress up for parties where they’re going to be goaded into putting a big number up on a tally sheet and get love-bombed out of their kids’ college fund.

As these efforts have gotten more and more desperate, they’ve become more blatant. Meanwhile, Scientologists — who consider themselves “homo novi,” a new, superior brand of human being and better than the rest of us — seem to have little self-awareness about how cheesy these productions are. If these be superhumans, why such cheeseball celebrations?


So, brace yourself. This effort out of Atlanta combines so many elements we’ve seen elsewhere, but the lack of self-awareness, the strained levity, the out of tune soundtrack, and yes, even the tenuous link to Tom Cruise through his association with the Rock of Ages film make this, we would argue, the greatest Scientology video of all time.







Now, while your jaw is still hanging on the ground, we’ll show you the lyrics, so you can see just how beyond the pale this thing is.

We’re building this city

We’re building this city an Ideal Org We’re building this city

We’re building this city an Ideal Org They may never know me or ever see my face

But because I care we build this ideal space The future will know me because I fought this fight

Heroes and the names of those who made it go right We all have the honor because we did it on our own

Advertisement Your kids will remember, you built this city

You built this city an Ideal Org You’re building this city

You’re building this city an Ideal Org Built this city

We built this city an Ideal Org



Note the theme of “you” being someone who is maybe invisible, someone who has never been appreciated properly. But the future will know you because you wrote a check for $36,282.

We are gonna make it

You know we’re gonna make it

We are gonna make an Ideal org We’ve got the tech, let’s use it

You know we have to do this

Advertisement This is our world, this is our org We’ll fight the powers that stop us

We know our destiny ’cause

with an Ideal Org we can’t go wrong We are gonna make it

You know we’re gonna make it

We are gonna make it, an Ideal Org We are gonna make it

You know we’re gonna make it

We are gonna make an Ideal Org



What’s with the gnome in the wizard’s hat?

I know an Ideal Org’s a projection machine

Advertisement I know where the chapel displays and a new canteen

The org will be so strong, expand for years now on

And I can tell it wouldn’t be long till it comes to be, yeah be

And I can tell it wouldn’t be long till [ ] was free, yeah free Singing, I want an Ideal Org,

So put another dime in the war chest, baby

I want an Ideal Org,

So come and take a pen and write a check



We’ve never seen them be quite this blatant before. It’s rather stunning. Also, it wouldn’t be an Ideal Org fleecing party without a Scientology conga line of uncomfortable-looking middle age victims wondering if they really spent all that money on the Bridge for things to come to this.

Now, this next section, all joking aside, this is truly one of the most remarkable things we’ve ever seen come out of Scientology. This song literally acknowledges that members may be broke and owe money, but the roar of the crowd can get them worked up to donate money that they can’t afford to spend. (And will have to “work off.”) A church critic could literally not write a more damning indictment of Scientology fundraising, and it’s in their own video.

Can someone get this thing to the IRS?

Playing in this game

Advertisement Need more money to flow

Need a personal loan

But there’s none he didn’t owe

Heard the roar of the crowd

He could picture the scene

Put his name to the board

With an amount and then screamed

No matter who you are

You can lead the way

He got purpose in his eyes

And he decided to pay

So he stood up fast and

He ran to the board

Worked hard to pay it off

But then was asked for more

That one big cert

It felt good in his hands

It didn’t take too long

For his understand

Just one more time

He reached way down low

Knew he had to do it

Because there’s more to go

So he started stretching

He ain’t never going to stop

Gotta keep on playing

Gotta make Atlanta to the top And be an Ideal Hero

Making it go right

He’s an Ideal Hero

Bringing Atlanta to life

He’s an Ideal Hero

He’s making it go right

He’s an Ideal Hero

He’ll come alive tonight



Do you see what we mean? That section is a handy blueprint for how undue influence separates these victims from money they can’t afford to donate.

Did David Miscavige really approve this thing?

Back on track, it’s a fact

Betcha want to know where funding is at

Yes it’s so close, ahead of most

Completion is near and about

Look at our stats, they’re getting so high

Grand Opening yeah, we’re all gonna cry

There’ll be high fives, white eyes (?)

Saving every man, woman and child

‘Cause we’re back

Yes we’re back

Yes we’re back

Yes I’m back

Well, were back, back

We’re back on track

yes we’re back on track



Did you catch the diminutive David Miscavige stand-in?







And finally, let’s hear that blatant call for cash two more times!

I want an Ideal Org,

So put another dime in the war chest, baby

I want an Ideal Org,

So come and take a pen and write a check I want an Ideal Org,

So put another dime in the war chest, baby

I want an Ideal Org,

So come and take a pen and write a check



So some of you newer folk may be wondering, best Scientology video compared to what?

Well, we know it will be difficult to dislodge the previous record holder, which is hands down 1990’s “We Stand Tall”…







And we’re also partial to the Copenhagen Advanced Org’s video for Chill EB’s official song for the IAS, “Dauntless, Defiant, and Resolute”…







And we love Dede of Phoenix and her friends…







And there are many more, quite a few of which debuted here at the Bunker. But Atlanta? Atlanta, you burned them all down to the ground.

So come and take a pen and write a check!



——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on August 28, 2014 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

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