Will Noble

Peckham's Definitely Not The Best Place To Live In London... So Leave It Alone

People having an absolutely terrible time, in Peckham

Peckham has been named the best place to live in London by the Sunday Times. As a Peckhamite, it's my duty to tell you not to buy the hype, and to stay well away. Seriously, if you're considering moving to Peckham — or even popping in on a Friday night, when I want decent access to the happy hour Brambles at Bar Story — don't bother. It's overrated, and you wouldn't like it here.

Peckham is loud: The woofer-rattling swagger of the world-class grime scene. The earthy vocal harmonies of the resident choirs coming from churches and community centres. The strains of Haydn and Schumann reverberating from car park concrete, courtesy of the Multi-Story Orchestra. The constant electro bloops and bleeps of retro arcade game emporium, Four Quarters. The South London Soul Train, spinning choicest cuts of funk and soul until 6am. Everyone likes a bit of background music, but trust me, this is too much for you.

The Multi Story Orchestra: you wouldn't like them

Peckham smells: the moment you step off the train at Peckham Rye, you're whacked in the chops by the waft of slow-cooked lamb shoulder on charcoal, and the tang of jerk chicken. Then there's the earthy swirl of hops and malt from Brick Brewery. The buttery aroma of popcorn dancing out the doors of the cinema where all films are £4.99. Your nose simply won't be able to hack it. Move to Hither Green or something. You'll like it there.

Peckham is busy: The clamour of Rye Lane's independent markets and their endless still lifes of fresh sprigs of spinach, mountains of yams, glistening pink tilapia and bonfire-coloured eruptions of scotch bonnets. The riot of beer, sake, mead and gin all gurgling into life in the same postcode (make your mind up Peckham). The discombobulating everythingness of the art deco Khan's Bargain. The streams of hipsters and churchgoers and hairdressers and Peckham library skateboarders. The unending trains and buses, whisking you effortlessly to obscure destinations like Victoria, London Bridge and Kent in no time at all. Everyone likes a bit of vibrancy now and again, but this is overkill.

Our advice: stay well away.