Does Pippa Middleton realise that she’s pregnant, or does she think that she’s just fat? I ask, because in her always unmissable Waitrose Weekend column, she was musing on endeavouring not to “break into a penguin-style waddle”. Having fretted about forms of exercise such as running, tennis, swimming and yoga, she’s “embraced barre-style workouts”, and wants to ensure that her “old favourite jeans will still fit … eventually”.

Especially considering that Middleton is in her third trimester, this seems tragic. Where does such “still got it!” gestation paranoia come from? As for waddling – what is her problem with being a pregnant woman who looks and acts … pregnant? Same with those “old favourite jeans” – they’re just an item of clothing, not a denim-rebuke. If they don’t fit so well, post-birth, how about just sticking them in the bin? Or perhaps she could don a black veil and bury the jeans in the garden in a symbolic gesture of mourning to her lost pre-pregnancy “hotness”?

To be more sympathetic, as it’s Middleton’s first pregnancy, perhaps it’s scary for her to see her body change. Especially as, on a sunny afternoon back in 2011, when she was bridesmaid for her sister, her bottom received global acclaim. However, while pregnancy doesn’t have to be about “eating for two”, nor is it about “still being hot”, or “returning to maximum hotness asap”.

Certainly, it doesn’t seem right for any woman to be striving quite so feverishly to stay in shape during pregnancy – to the point where a child in utero becomes almost reframed as unwanted weight gain.

If anything, pregnancy is supposed to be a well-earned rest from constant objectification and, indeed, self-objectification. Your body is busy doing something miraculous – who cares if you resemble a walrus in jogging bottoms? If Middleton would only stop trying to exercise her pregnancy into oblivion, maybe she would find she enjoys it a bit more.

• Barbara Ellen is an Observer columnist