Controversial Metal Band Writes Offensively Cliché Lyrics

TORONTO – No strangers to controversy, Toronto-based heavy metal band Icepick Executioner released their latest album Behold My Blade last week, this time offending scores of longtime fans due to the shockingly cliché lyrics and themes found on the album.

“They crossed a line. When I looked at the lyric sheet, it looked more like an ad for ABC Family’s ‘13 Nights of Halloween,’” said devoted metalhead Christian Stonem. “Tolkien references? In 2016? It disgusts me how lazy these people are.”

Other fans feared the lackluster lyrical content would turn off newcomers to the scene. “Metal is a genre of extremes where anything goes. Singing about giving the Virgin Mary an abortion using a chainsaw is just so… blah, you know?” offered Stephanie Lowry following a record-release party. “Give us something groundbreaking. We deserve more as fans.”

Writing such boldly unoriginal lyrics is clearly a statement coming from the band, one their vocalist Viktyr Hecatomb vehemently defends. “Our songs ring true to fans across the world. Our albums represent the world; the world is death, suffering, and chaos,” said the singer, a district manager for multiple UPS store franchises when not on tour.

Fans have been especially critical of the multiple mentions of necrophilia throughout the album, a concept that hasn’t been taboo in the metal world since 1988. Songs such as “Necrophilic Embrace,” “Fornicating Graves” and the blunt “Corpse Fucker” have fans stunned for all the wrong reasons. “Why are there so many songs about fucking dead bodies?” asked Stonem. “If you’re gonna recycle the same theme… I don’t know. It just creeps me out that he landed on this one.”

In light of the lyrical controversy, many fans have began to criticize the band’s live show, seen as “stale” and “meh” in recent reviews. “All they do is slaughter live animals and throw their guts into the crowd, every single night,” sighed Lowry. “Do something unexpected for once. Their last show was a nine-hour waste of my time.”

Guitarist Odin Hammyr could not be reached for comment, as he is awaiting trial after allegedly murdering his bandmates, a stunt many fans have described as a “blatant Burzum rip-off.”