Even if he does seek counseling, there is no guarantee that he will be able to move past all of his psychological reservations. On the other hand, there is no guarantee that there will even ever be a problem once we get to that point.

He was raped without a condom. That woman stole his virginity, and in a relationship following the rape did, they did not abstain from sexual activity. He is not a virgin, but he’s re-devoted himself to purity and to viewing women as valued and not objects. In that relationship, he had sex to devalue the impact of his rape and he insisted upon a condom because it gave him a sense of control. I never said he was impotent; I know he is fully capable. The doubt lies in his being able to complete the act on the marriage night and potentially beyond.

I plan to not enter into a marriage with him until I can be assured that he has dealt with these issues. It would be imprudent of me, in my opinion, to not consider marriage a possibility and at the same time continue to be in relationship with him.

Do you suggest I abandon him because of his issues, and refuse to forgive his past misjudgments?

I may currently hope for the best, but I am not foolish enough to enter into a relationship with him with only my hope as a reassurance. Our marriage is not pending, and not to take place anytime in the immediate future.

I’m sorry; I feel very attacked, which may be my own fault for asking such a question. These are all things I intend to discuss with a priest prior to our being wed, as well. I was just curious as to what the good folks here thought on the matter.