Whenever I hear women say, “I don’t really get along with other women usually,” or “I’m not friends with too many women because they’re too much drama,” I can’t help but cringe. After years of experiencing all kinds of female relationships, both good and bad, I’ve asked myself the same question over and over again: Why can’t all women just be nice to each other?

The truth is that most of us have experience with mean girls. Girls who see other girls as strictly competition. Girls who are senselessly threatened by other girls. Girls who will be cruel in order to attain the upper hand. I get it —the world is still not the ideal place for women. We face undeniable inequality and rampant sexism everywhere we turn. But we’re not going to solve this issue by turning against each other. And we shouldn’t hate on other women. Period.

Why is it that we feel so threatened by the way another woman dresses, speaks or acts that we feel like it’s our job to play polite police? Why is it that sometimes it seems easier for us to say what we think is wrong than all the wonderful things that are right? We need to change the way we treat each other, because as women, we should be each other’s greatest allies, not each other’s greatest competition. We should support one another at work, at home, in our circle of friends, at church, wherever. Let’s be real: none of us are perfect, so why judge each other so harshly?

For starters, we’ve got to change the way we speak to each other. We need to stop saying things without first thinking about how we’ll make other ladies feel, including: “Well I could never do that,” or “How are you even managing that?” or “You look exhausted!” This kind of rhetoric is negative. It perpetuates the idea that there is a wrong way of doing things, and it pins women against each other.

Let’s change the conversation into one we actually want to be a part of, a conversation that is uplifting and leaves both parties feeling more confident. We should be telling each other things like, “You look so happy!” or “I’m proud of you,” or “Great job with [insert project here],” or “You make it look so easy!”

We also need to be nice to each other. Kindness is contagious, so let’s make it our goal to be kind to women everywhere. Maybe you don’t click with her, or maybe she happens to be your boss who you rarely understand or hey, maybe she’s the woman in line with a newborn who could use an extra hand —show her some kindness, and help a sister out!