Let’s get one thing straight: Former Chicago police Detective J.J. Bittenbinder would never wear a cowboy hat with his three-piece suits.

“I never wore my cowboy hat to the schools. Now, I have been on cattle drives. I did 11 cattle drives and 11 cattle roundups in a ranch outside of Cody, Wyo., but that’s a separate deal. You don’t wear a three-piece suit with a cowboy hat. That just doesn’t work. Doesn't look good,” Bittenbinder told the Tribune by phone from Wisconsin, where he is enjoying his retirement.

Bittenbinder, 75, was surprised to learn from the Tribune that Chicago native John Mulaney parodies him in his new Netflix stand-up comedy special “Kid Gorgeous at Radio City.” Mulaney devotes about 10 minutes of his hourlong set at Radio City Music Hall to explaining how Bittenbinder’s “street smarts” presentations at student assemblies “haunt me to this day.”

“We had the same ‘stranger danger’ speaker every year when I was a kid. His name was Detective J.J. Bittenbinder. Go ahead and laugh, his name is ridiculous,” Mulaney, 35, tells the audience.

“Bittenbinder came every year. By the way, Detective J.J. Bittenbinder wore three-piece suits. He also wore a pocket watch. Two years in a row, he wore a cowboy hat. He also had a huge handlebar mustache. None of that matters, but it’s important to me that you know that. He did not look like his job description. He looked like he should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti. But instead, he made his living in murder. He was the weirdest … person I ever saw in my entire life.”

Bittenbinder said he “didn’t appreciate” Mulaney making fun of his last name, which is German for “barrel-maker,” an “honorable profession that my ancestors used to do.”

Bittenbinder joined the Chicago Police Department in 1971 and said he investigated more than 1,000 violent crimes. He appeared on PBS, "Prime Time Live,” “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and other major media outlets as a safety expert.

He also visited schools to educate children about crime prevention, which is how he crossed paths with Mulaney. According to the comedian, Bittenbinder told him and his classmates they should carry a money clip with a $50 bill so if someone tries to mug them, they can throw the money clip and run in the opposite direction.

Bittenbinder said Mulaney mixed up the child and adult safety programs “to get laughs.” The money clip tip is for adults, he said, and he has often suggested keeping a $5 bill and some singles in the clip.

“He mixed it up good,” Bittenbinder said. A Mulaney representative did not return a Tribune request for comment.

Bittenbinder — who also inspired a character on the 1990s sketch comedy series “Mr. Show with Bob and David” — retired from CPD in 1994 and went on to lead senior-citizen programs in Cook County for 10 years. He said he still has a home in Downers Grove, and he has been fishing, traveling and “having a good old time.”

Even in retirement, he’s still part of the national conversation — thanks to Mulaney.

“If I talked to him when he was 7 or 8 and he still remembers some of that stuff, it must have gotten through to him,” Bittenbinder said.

tswartz@chicagotribune.com

Twitter @tracyswartz

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