One of the hardest things about this election year has been the complete and cavernous divide between the parties, between people I thought I knew and myself, and between the professed ideals of the nominees.

As a middle class woman in the US, of course I am offended and disgusted by about every other word that comes out of Trump’s mouth, from his self-aggrandizing, his obvious ignorance of how the Constitution works (Why didn’t Hillary change the tax laws while she was a senator? he asks. Because bills that raise revenue must come from the House of Representatives, the Constitution answers), how foreign policy works, what is against federal law (such as offering Ben Carson a job in exchange for his endorsement, or emailing foreign officials for campaign contributions), how charitable foundations work (for people in need, not yourself), to his blatant disrespect and dislike for women, and basically anyone not a rich white male of the baby boomer generation.

Of course I am offended. But that isn’t what this is about. I am offended by him because I’m educated, cynical, questioning, a feminist, not a xenophobe, and want our country to grow, as opposed to being stunted, plunged into meaningless conflicts, and laughed at by the world more than we already are.

We all were horrified and let out an awkward laugh-gasp when the UK voted to leave the EU. It was scary and terrible and it came out that politicians were not giving anyone the whole story when it came to what they were really proposing and its ramifications for years to come. The US is in that same stage. The world is laughing that this reality TV personality even got the nomination, but are now starting to realize that he actually might be President, and only Vladimir Putin seems pleased.

But again, that isn’t what this is truly about.

Every election that I have been alive for seems to have been bringing the country closer together. Conservatives starting moving a little more left, liberals started shuffling rightward, and policies and laws started to seem more on the middle ground.

In the 2008 election, gay marriage was a huge hot button topic that divided the candidates with staunch and rigid views and statements. By the 2012 election, it was less of a divisive issue, and by this election round, it is not only legal across the US, but politicians no longer scream about it. Same sex marriage is no longer a hot button legal and political issue thrown around for reactions. This is just one example of our two parties progressing and moving towards each other.

In fact, in this election, it seems like very few legal and political issues are being thrown around at all. Trump’s ardent supporters will say that “it’s only words” or “he didn’t really mean it like that” every time a new video or article or tweet comes out with something horrific he has said. A lot of this stuff, if your boyfriend or your boss or your son said it, you would be completely offended and take steps to leave the job or the guy, and punish your child.

This candidate, the guy whose supporters say they like him because he “tells it like it is” continues to make excuses every time he tells it like he thinks it is - but isn’t. And there’s no arguing with these supporters. They will not bend. They shoot back with “Killary” and the emails and Benghazi - things that have been federally investigated already - but never discuss how in 2007, during a Congressional investigation on the dismissal of eight U.S. attorneys, it was discovered that Bush administration officials had been using a private Internet domain, called gwb43.com, owned by and hosted on an email server run by the Republican National Committee. Or that between December 2001 and November 2008, under George W. Bush, there were 20 terrorist attacks on US embassies and consulates, resulting in over 60 deaths, but no one wants to discuss that.

In regards to email scandals, in 2003, a whistle-blower explained that the Bush administration wasn’t saving their emails. Turns out Bush aides had just shut down the Clinton automatic email archive, and in court in 2008, administration lawyers said that three months’ worth of email backups from the beginning of the Iraq invasion in 2003 were “lost.” President Bush refused to describe the contents of the deleted emails, and they eventually admitted they had lost 22 million emails.

Where is the Republican outrage over that? No one mentions Bush when discussing the Hillarygate email situation, or the other politicians multiple times that have done this. Like Colin Powell and Condeleeza Rice’s top staff members. Jeb Bush, governor of Florida for 8 years, used a private server for both his personal email account and the accounts of some of his staffers. Other presidential candidates too, like Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal and former Texas Gov. Rick Perry used private email accounts hosted by large services like Google during their time in office and have not released the emails for public scrutiny. The Bergen Record reported in March 2015, “Nearly a year before revelations that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton used her personal email account for official business, the Chris Christie administration was chastised because members of its own staff communicated through private emails. And that criticism came not from Governor Christie’s political foes, but from lawyers hired by his team to investigate the burgeoning George Washington Bridge lane-closing scandal.” Scott Walker and Marco Rubio also had their own email scandals.

The point being that even though all of these facts are easily found online through multiple credible sources and people admitting to and apologizing for them, Trump supporters will not bend.

When you have a candidate so deep in another reality and you live in this reality, there is no middle ground. There is no happy medium, or people meeting to come to a delightful compromise and both parties being mostly happy with the result.

We are also (sadly) becoming desensitized to the things Donald Trump says, to the blatant sexism, racism, and xenophobic vitriol that continues to come to light. It’s like every day a new one pops up, and at some point, we all become less scandalized, less appalled. “Well, what else can you expect, it’s Trump.” Not because he tells it like it is, but because we have come to expect horrible things to come out of his mouth. Or things that just completely contradict other things he said five minutes prior, or tweeted the day before, or that we have video evidence of him saying. Out loud. To other people.

There is a huge Grand-Canyon-esque divide between our two parties. Americans are more separated than ever before. Congratulations, 2016 election, you have visibly and demonstrably made this country worse. You have pitted people against one another more than ever before. It has caused family rifts, social media unfriendings, and at least for many people I know, a genuine process of rethinking the people we consider close to us.

I’ve actually seen and heard people talking about how they must not have really known their close friend, because that close friend is now defending racist remarks, or saying “it’s just locker room talk” to dismiss Trump’s remarks about casually sexually assaulting women because he can get away with it. If I knew a man who had ever spoken that way, I would not still know that person. He would no longer be in my life. Women deserve at least the basic respect of being allowed to say no to sexual advances and have that no be taken seriously. Literally just the baseline of respecting any person and their body.

I have found myself questioning relationships with family and friends who have shown staunch willful ignorance, refusing to read facts or trying to defend against blatantly and obviously divisive and horrible remarks. I am not saying that Trump is the only bad choice, either. Hillary Clinton is certainly not my top pick and I don’t agree with things she has said and done.

But every day a new scandal or law broken or statement comes out about or from Trump showing his complete lack of understanding of American laws and policy or just his arrogance and ignorance. He has said something horrific and inexcusable about almost everyone. He revels in inciting violence and mocking people, can’t just straight up answer a question, and has exactly zero political experience, with countless failed businesses and lawsuits against him.

Even if he had any political experience, why on earth would this be the type of person we want leading our country, making laws that directly affect our daughters and our granddaughters, and serving as a role model for our sons and grandsons? Laws that will directly affect so many of our friends and family, our immigrant grandparents, and more.

You can hate Hillary as much as you want, I even understand a certain amount and agree with it. But to support a man who openly and blatantly will never have your best interests at heart is the height of willful ignorance, self-sabotage, and a lack of forward thinking for our country.