You: (to yourself) Okaaay, let's see what we're in the mood for tonight...since it's gonna be just me, myself, and I. (scoffs) Can't believe my so-called "friends" bailed on me when I told them tonight was gonna be science fiction movie night. Well...every night is science fiction movie night after all. I mean...(haughtily) Not everyone has great taste. (chuckles) Although...(sighs) it'd be nice to watch The Day The Earth Stood Still...but you know, I'm just not in the mood for that, for some odd reason. Probably because there's no one to watch it with. How about...(excitedly) ooh! How about The Thing from Another World? Oh...wait...(groans) eeeehhh, I'm not in the mood for that either. Wonder why? (with mild frustration) I just don't understand! I usually love watching these vintage sci-fi movies for the hundredth-zillionth time. I'm not depressed or anything...(hesitant) well, maybe a little. Alison said she had choir practice tonight; Clark claims that he's got D&D night back at his house. And let's not forget to mention...(with sassiness) Jere-MIAH, out of all my best friends, who decides to ditch me at the last minute, telling me that he's got a date with some girl from Computer Science class. (scoffs) Yeah! I didn't believe that for a minute, either. He has about the same chance of being a ladies' man as I do. (groans in disgust) What am I doing, sitting here being a salty fuckwad? I need to...oh! How about Men in Black? Serenity? Westworld? The Invisible Man? (freaking out) ANYTHING?! WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I FIND ANY---(suddenly curious) ooh, what's this? (pause) Huh...the video doesn't have a title or any description of what it is. Just a picture of...(leans forward to see the picture) tentacles? Huh. Anything with tentacles is bound to be something interesting. Okay, let me just click this, and...

(Sound FX: squelching noises and girlie hentai-esque moans in the background)

(horrified) GOD OF FUCK, WHAT IS THAT? Tentacle porn?! What the fuck, dude?! (groaning in disgust) Uggggh, god! So, that's what it was! Oh, god...uggggh...it's so fucking gross, but I can't look away! Jesus Christ, who in their right mind would create this kind of shit? I...(grunts in discomfort) what the...(shouts at his boner) no! No, dick, STAY DOWN! This is not hot, this is fucking disgusting. Stay fucking down! Stay...(moans) oh, god, stay down for me, please? (appalled) Oh my god, why am I jacking off?! This is NOT sexy! Tentacle porn is trash, it is not sexy! It's...(moans) okay, maybe it *is* kind of hot. What if I close my eyes and imagine those noises were a cock sliding inside her cunt instead of all those slimy tentacles? Yeah, maybe I can do that. A nice big cock sinking inside her...(slight whimper) tight, wet, soaking pussy...mmmm, that's so fucking hot...

(Fapping noises and moans for a while until...)

(Screams) AAAAAH, WHAT?! WHAT?! WHERE DID THESE TENTACLES COME FROM? Why the fuck are they coming out of the computer screen? Wait...(confused) Did I just drop acid or something? No, can't be. Okay...(sighs) just calm down, dude. Calm down and close your eyes, and it'll all go away. Alright, I'm gonna close my eyes. There. Now I'm gonna open them in 5...4...3...2...1! (pause, groans loudly) D'AAAAAH, COME ON! You're still here?! (pushes tentacles back into the screen) Okay, you! Get back into the computer! Come on, get...(grunts) the fuck...(grunts)...back into the computer! (breathing heavily) Okay...that's obviously not gonna work, and...(shouts) AAH! Ew! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! (groans) God, I can't believe I got tentacle goo all over my favorite hoodie. Now I'm gonna have to wash it for the first time in a year. And all over my jeans...okay, these clothes need to go. (Takes off clothes)

(Gurgling, squelching sounds)

(scolding) Hey! Don't judge me; I practically *live* in this hoodie. I'll have you know that I was the guy known as...uhh..."The Geek in The Spider-Man Hoodie" or...was it "Peter Parka"? (under breath) Ugggh, what is UP with that pun? (loudly) But I digress. ANYWAY! Back into the computer you go!

(Grunting sounds, pushing the tentacles back in)

You're not gonna let up, are you? (pause) What? NO! I told you, tentacle porn is not my bag! Never was, never will. What makes you think that I'm gonna decide to go all tentacle-hungry and suck off all of your...(perplexed) cock-tails? (sneaky laugh) See what I did there?

(Angry, squelchy sounds)

(with attitude) Oh! My bad, they're called *tentacocks*. Why you gotta be so damn touchy with these terms anyway? It's not like you're gonna hold me down and sink one of them inside my ass and fuck me with it. That's just...I don't swing that way. I mean, what is so damn fascinating about being butt-fucked by a bunch of...(wet, gagging noises)

(Coughing) Goddamn it, WHY'D YOU DO THAT?! I'm gonna try and ask you one more time. (slowly, almost obnoxiously loud) What...is so...damn...fascina---... (more gagging noises, gasping for air, and spitting) Oh, fuck, that was so disgusting! Gaaah, I can feel your cocktacle---er, tentacock juices slithering down my fucking throat...(shudders) never again. (pause) I said, never again! Well, wait...*maybe* for a few seconds, I suppose. Wouldn't hurt to try anything once, would it? Maybe it'll help if I pinch my nose and take it in my...(grimaces) noooo, that's a bad idea. A very, very awful idea. (with frustration) Okay, you know what? Just fucking thrust one of your...your, uh...cock-thingies in my mouth, alright? Let's get this over w---...

(Wet, gagging sounds mixed in with moaning and whimpering)

(Coughing and gasping) I said ONE of your tentacocks, not fucking three or four! Are you even remotely aware of how huge those things are?! They're about the size of my fucking wrist! (chuckles) Well, aren't you a little bit too eager? Don't you think it would be better to suck just one at a time? (drops down to a sultry voice) I mean, I'm starting to find it really hot that all of your fucking cocks are leaking so much for me. (pause) Oh? Are they always like that? Well, how come they ooze more for me than when you were fucking your little squeaky hentai girl? And um...speaking of those hentai girls, do you think that...(snickers) those could probably make me moan like that? I don't think so. As you can probably tell---you can see with your tentacles, can't you? No? Well, I don't care. (Snobbishly) As you can tell, I am a red-blooded male. And I DO not and WILL not submit to Your Royal Gooeyness. I still say that they're grody as all get-out, but I will say this: they...(hesitant) kind of taste good? Like...cum, I think? (pause and gets defensive) Excuse me? How the hell should I know what cum tastes like? (scoffs) I do NOT taste my own cum! (sheepishly) Well, okay, I do...but still! A little experimenting is okay, right? (pause, and sigh) Okay, okay, okay, fine! I'll suck all your cocks. Just give it a rest with all the wriggling and those icky noises. They make me wanna ralph just hearing them. Okay...one at a time, alright?

(Wet, squelchy cock-sucking noises along with moans and whimpers throughout this section:)

Oh, fuck...you taste better than I thought you would. It's starting to kind of...mmm...taste like candy? Strawberry candy...or something. It goes back and forth between tasting like pre-cum...and tasting like strawberries. (chuckles) What kind of monster are you? I mean...are you just doing that to make it more enjoyable for me, or what? It's kind of working. I want more. (pause) No, really, I want more NOW. (laughs) Awww, you don't like it when I grab your cock like that? Well, that's too...(suck)...fucking...(suck)...bad. (More cock-sucking noises) Oh, no, you don't. Don't you two try and wiggle away from me. How about we up the ante and let me suck two...or maybe three at the same time? Now, give 'em here. (More wet cock-sucking noises along with gagging and whimpering) Fucking hell, you all taste so good in my mou---...(gagging, slimy facefucking noises and whimpering) Oh, yes....yes, yes, yes, yes! I can feel you getting so close...OH! And you, too...I can feel them building up with so much cum. Come on, you filthy fucking monster, cum in my mouth! Let me swallow every bit of your hot, sweet cum down my goddamn throat! That's it, cum! Cum! (in a porn-y shout) CUUUUM! Oh, god, yesssss....

(Breathless) Okay...let's all agree that we've had our little fun time and go back into our little virtual world now, mm'kay? (sing-song voice) Buh-byyyeee! By a show of tentacles, say "aye"! (pause) Oooo-kay, so apparently that's not gonna happen. (sighs) Well, that's just fucking GREAT, isn't it? What's next? Are you gonna jack me off with those...(gasps in fright/arousal) Oh my god, they're so wet....so warm...ohh, my god! Don't think you've melted me at all...they feel so gross! (melting into moans) Oh, fuck...no...they feel...so...good. What are you doing to me?! I don't want this! I don't wan't this, I don't wan---...(moans and whimpers) I can feel something pressing against my hole...(freaking out) you're not gonna fuck my ass, are you?! Please, don't do that! No...no-no-no-no-no-no-no, don--- (high-pitched moan) Oh my god! I can't believe you slid into me so easily! (gasps) Nooooo, you're already fucking me?! It's too soon! It's too soon to be doing this! Oh, FUCK, I can feel you pushing against my prostate...fuck! Oh, god, why am I enjoying this??? Why did I let you DO that? (with a dominant tone) Uh-uh, you're not sliding out of me. You've opened the fucking floodgates this time...you're gonna fuck me until I'm spent and completely filled and covered in your juices. GOT IT? Now, fuck your tentacock-hungry whore right goddamn NOW.

(Wet, squelchy fucking sounds mixed with high-pitched moans, whines and whimpers)

I can't believe you can reach that deep inside me! Ohhh, fuck! (slurring in ecstasy) I need your fucking cock....your tenta---...(moaning/shouting) I need your fucking tentacock in my mouth again! I need one more...no, two...I mean, THREE more in my ass right now! I want you to stretch me out! Make your tentacock slut scream for ALL of your cocks. Please fuck me! (screams) PLEASE FU---(gagging and sucking with high-pitched whimpering) Oh, FUCK, yes! Fuck my ass as you fuck my face! I wish you can see how well I can take all your cocks. I love being your horny little slut, Mistress....er, Daddy...uhh...Sir? (sighs and shouts) Just fuck me, you FUCKING TENTACLE-CLAD BASTARD! (whimpers) You call that deep? I want you to go deeper! (growl/whimper) I said DEEPER. (high-pitched whimper) Ohhhh, Jesus Christ, now THAT'S what I call "deeper". Keep fucking me, please? They feel so good stretching me out like this. Let me bounce on them a little bit. (whimpers) Yesssssss, so hard and warm inside meeeee...oh, FUCK, yes! Fuck me! Fuck me, you hot monster! Please fuck meeeeeeeee! Please fuck me until you cu---oh, wait a minute! I can already feel all of you building up. I can tell these loads are gonna be fucking huge! That's it...that's it...get closer...get closer for your tentacock slut! Cum in my ass...cum in my mouth...cum in my hands...cum all over my fucking body! (whimpers/whines) I'm so fucking hot for it! Please cum all over me! Cum inside me! Yes, yes, yes! Keep fucking me as you cum...oh, fuck, I'm getting close. Please cum for me; please cum WITH me! Yeah...yeah...yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah...! (improv begging, whimpering, and dirty talk for a while until your extremely LOUD orgasm, echoing off into the distance)