Dry that one out and you can fertilize the White House South Lawn

Riley Waggaman is "America's most trusted cub reporter," according to Vanity Fair.

Your faithful Russia correspondent was minding his own business when he accidentally clicked on an link which he naively thought was a picture of a funny cat. Instead it was a New York Times article that nearly melted his brain.

There is no way to prepare for what you are about to see.

Imagine if Ted Bundy had evangelized about how "you can't murder people," and that The New York Times dutifully relayed this statement without bothering to mention that Ted Bundy was a prolific serial killer and necrophile, to boot.

Actually, our analogy is deeply flawed because Ted Bundy was never able to sanction people that he accused of murder. Also, Ted Bundy was duly executed.

We understand that we live in a post-post-modern world where there is no such thing as truth and objectivity is actually just a patriarchal form of subjective oppression. But come on, friends. This is becoming childish.

Your correspondent was going to type out a long, painful laundry list of all the countries that the United States has bombed/invaded/tortured/ruined forever in just the last twenty years, but what's the use? Instead we defer to Ivan Eland, a senior fellow at The Independent Institute: "During the post-World War II era, in terms of numbers of military actions, the United States has empirically been the most aggressive country in the world -- the vast majority of these interventions having nothing to do with spreading freedom and some of them even extinguishing it."

That's hippie think tank speak for "the United States is very firm on the need to uphold core international principles, and one of those principles is you don’t invade other countries."

Do we now live in a M. C. Escher twilight zone on crack? We must have missed the memo.