Tondo native, Jefferson Gallardo, has successfully completed his Christmas Shopping thanks to the Mini Stop across the street from his home.

“It’s really hard to find time for shopping.” Jefferson explains to Agila News. “I’m really busy with sitting down and watching YouTube all day. And taking naps in between visiting various porn sites.”

“When I noticed the holiday themed videos of Tori Black, I realized that I had to buy gifts already. ” Jefferson continues. “Thankfully, the Mini Stop across the street is very convenient. Also, the security guard is my cousin. My family calls him the ‘Successful One’. ”

Mr. Gallardo went through the shopping list with us. “I know the kids like sweets, so I bought them each half a kilo of refined sugar.”

“My brothers and uncles like to drink, so I got them all bottles of Vodka. But I saw that it was too expensive, so I mixed some Sprite with rubbing alcohol, and gave that instead. ”

“And finally I bought some hemorrhoid cream for my Mother In Law, because she’s a huge pain in my ass.”

For everyone else, Jefferson bought them each a Kariman. “Kariman is a versatile food item. You can eat it, if you are really, really, REALLY hungry and there is no grass around. You can also use it to sand and smoothen wood. Also, it’s great to throw at Christmas Carolers that don’t know what a note is. ”

When asked what flavor of Kariman, Jefferson replied, “They have flavors? I usually just get the ones not currently being smelled by cockroaches.”

Jefferson has something different planned for the mother of his children. “My wife and I agreed that we wouldn’t get each other anything this year, which means she expects something really nice and special, and something she has always wanted. I’m finally going to give her an annulment.”