Bling Your Beaver and Join the Clitterati!

Under the ever-growing celebrity files of TMI (too much information!) comes the latest incarnation of beauty products: Vajazzling!

The phenomenon takes its name from a combination of two words: bedazzle and vagina. Jennifer Love Hugetits popularized the phenomenon after a report on her Swarovski snatch- which thanks to the crystals now shone like a disco ball. She even devoted a chapter to it in her new book on dating, which I will not even dignify by linking.

As the trend evolves, perhaps we’ll also see an aural equivalent. When she spreads her legs to reveal her now-bedizened lady-garden, a musical rendition of “Saturday Night Fever” could start to play(not unlike those Hallmark cards that play a tune when you open them!). Even better, instead of Swarovski crystals, why not use the edible kind?

Just as beauty marks began to cover the scars left by smallpox, Vajazzling possibly began as a result of the not-infrequent skin reactions that occur when women looking for baby-ass smooth Venusian mounts have their gorilla salad ripped off with hot wax. C-section scars also miraculously disappear under the distracting sparkle of a bejeweled box. The tiny crystals are carefully and artfully applied by an aesthetician with adhesive to an obviously nekkid cooter, right after the agonizing Brazilian wax that must necessarily come first.

Of course some feminists have come out against it. Far better to be proud of your poonani and show the world by wearing it on your sleeve- or around your neck. Products like “beautiful hand sculpted Vagina pendants, Uterus plushies, Vulva portraits, and Vagina pillows” are all available at “Vulva Love Lovely‘s” etsy shop. The shop also sells menstrual products, and I suspect the shop owner rolls her own tampons. I know you all are disappointed that I have no photo here, but if you want to see a nookie necklace you’ll just have to visit the shop.

Feminists may not like it (more like they think it is stupid, which it is) but I personally think it is better for the psyche to pridefully draw attention to an admittedly unattractive body part than to take drastic measures to be ashamed of and try to hide natural pigmentation by bleaching your bunghole.

Now you must be asking, “How do I become a member of the vajazzled clitterati?” Well, ehow has an article on just how to do it yourself! Martha Stewart types who may want to outdo their girlfriend with the latest in labia luster might want to check out the competition at “Rate My Vajazzle” I am sure you do not need to be told it is NSFW. And really, unless you are a porn actress or just really drunk on a night out with girlfriends, don’t bother. Apparently guys just aren’t all that into it, unless you count the “WTF” moment he will experience the first time he sees your hypnotic hairless pie.

I, however, would be more than interested in seeing a “penazzle” or a “scrotazzle!”

Follow MadMike’sAmerica on Facebook and Twitter, and don’t forget to visit our HOME PAGE.