Okay, I feel like I should be really sad or mad or something right now… And I am, a little.

But mostly, I’m pretty freaking relieved.

I just couldn’t do it anymore. Like, it was so tiring. And it just felt so wrong. I was gonna go crazy if I kept all that bullshit up for any longer.

I guess it was trying to take that stupid dick pic that really helped me make up my mind. It just didn’t feel like ME. I felt like some kind of desperate, idiot loser trying WAY too hard to impress a girl he didn’t even have anything in common with.

And… Okay, if anyone ever read all this stuff, they’d probably say that’s exactly what I am. But it’s not!

It wasn’t me. It was… Felix, I guess? But I’m pretty sure we’ve seen the last of him.

Well, except for Tam. Unfortunately, he ended up with a pretty terrible souvenir to remember Felix by…

He won’t stop teasing me about it, even now. Tam keeps threatening to print it out and hang it on his wall. “It’s modern art,” he says. “Dev would totally approve.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna keep this hanging over my head for like… ever.

But at least I didn’t send it to Amna. God, could you imagine? I bet she would’ve thought I was a total creep! And after all the stupid lies I’ve been telling her for the past few weeks, I’m pretty sure I’ve done enough damage to both of us already.

Like I said, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt tired and guilty and shitty and just… ugh. I was being so freaking stupid. I knew we had to end things.

I met her down at the park to do it. The same one where Hallie dumped me, actually. And I think she knew what was coming before I even opened my mouth. I could just tell by the look on her face.

I think that’s what made it so hard to tell her the truth. I know I was a total freaking coward, but I just couldn’t do it. I had to tell her one more lie.

So I said I didn’t have time for a relationship right now. I told her I had to focus on my training and getting active again now that my foot’s getting better.

She looked so sad… But she told me she understands. I guess she’d been feeling kind of the same way… Too much stuff going on right now. It was really hard trying to juggle a relationship too.

It went so much better than I thought it would (probably because I hadn’t been planning on lying… but still). She gave me a hug and we promised we’d keep in touch. But I’m not so sure if we really will.

I want to, obviously. But after falling for that stupid Felix, I’m not so sure she’s gonna wanna talk to the real me.

Because the real me doesn’t really have much in common with Amna. He definitely doesn’t get football. Or working out all the time. Or maybe I just wasn’t doing it right? I dunno, it just really didn’t feel like my thing.

That’s why I finally decided I need a new ‘approach’, or whatever. Like, I thought I liked sports enough that it’d be easy to do the whole jock thing. But I don’t. And even when I tried to make myself like it, I just couldn’t.

The only thing that really stuck with me was all that time on the treadmill, I guess. That was always the most bearable part for me (once I got the hang of not falling and stuff).

I’ve gotta admit — Running can be kinda fun. And like, it’s a great way to kinda clear your head and focus your mind and stuff? (Okay, I totally sound like Dev with all his weird meditation shit. But it really does help.)

So I stopped going to the gym, but now that my foot’s almost back to normal, I started jogging after school a few days a week. Nothing crazy like those workouts Bryce does… Just a quick run around the neighborhood. It’s pretty relaxing, actually. Helps me think.

And that was what I was doing today when it finally hit me.

I know what I’ve gotta do next!

So, Tam’s been going over Papa’s house a lot lately, right? Like, even when I’m not there. Which is totally fine and stuff… I guess it’s just hard not to be a little annoyed about it. Like, Tam’s supposed to be my best friend, isn’t he? Not Jasper’s…

I didn’t wanna say anything to them though. It’d just make things way worse.

And now I’m really glad I didn’t, because I heard Papa and Rubi talking yesterday when I was over there. They were joking about how Tam and Jasper always “lock themselves away” in Jasper’s room and “play that awful music” all the time.

That’s when I figured out what’s been going on…

I’ve seen Tam checking out those flyers all over school. There’s a big talent show coming up in a couple weeks, and he’s been joking about trying to enter with that weird DJ thing he does sometimes. Or at least, I THOUGHT he was joking…

But I guess he’s been going over to Papa and Rubi’s and having Jasper help him practice. I always try and be supportive or whatever, but I think he knows that kind of music’s really not my thing. He probably thought I’d make fun of him for it or something (which, okay, maybe I would… but he knows I wouldn’t mean it!)

Plus, I was so busy with Amna… No wonder he decided to have Jasper help instead of me.

So anyway, during my jog this afternoon, I started thinking about the talent show again… And that’s when it hit me.

Bards like, ooze charisma, don’t they? Nobody can resist a musician. You don’t even have to be that good! As long as you know the basics, everyone’s totally into it.

It’s WAY easier to fake that kinda talent than like, football or something.

I’m not great at guitar or anything, but I’m definitely good enough to play something at the talent show. I can probably even sing a little too!

I’ve just gotta work on getting over my stage fright… But I’ve got Meg and Rylie to help me with that.

And the best part is, I don’t even really have to lie this time. I mean sure, I’ll probably tone down all that nerdy shit a little. But as soon as girls see me with a guitar, none of that’s gonna matter anyway.

So yeah… “Felix the Barbarian” or whatever you wanna call him totally didn’t work out for me…

But I’ve got a really good feeling about Phoenix the Bard.