And what did that scoundrel say? ‘Oh Mr. Mathrubootham I did not expect to see you, you have put on weight...’

Respected Madam/ Sir,

You are bayangara editor no? You only tell me why we are wasting precious childhood years of our children teaching them nonsense like hypotenuse and past participle and photosynthesis and chloroform and all when nobody in this country has common sense.

Instead shall I tell you what we must teach?

LKG we must only teach one thing to children: keep quiet in public place and if you are talking please talk in low volume. How many times I will sit in Hot Chips or Saravana Bhavan and suddenly one child will shout in Dolby Stereo: “Appa, I am getting urine. What should I do?”

“Pisaasu payya, you are getting urine or Ramon Magsaysay Award, why you are shouting?” Immediately, my rava idli will do u-turn and come out again.

Madam/ Sir, if you do CT scan of Indian child you will find it is 95% lungs and 5% urine.

Then in UKG we must teach one subject only whole day: when you are in restaurant or bus or cinema hall you please sit in your chair and don’t run around as if Ashwini Nachappa.

Then from Class I to Class III — non-stop three years — children will get training in only one topic: how to talk politely to other people. Hello. Good morning. Thank you. Welcome. Pardon me. Uncle it is my pleasure. Like that, like that.

Only after this any other education should be given to children. Plenty of time is there from Class IV onwards to teach social science and botany and all. First of all decency should be there, then after all other information.

One example here

Madam/ Sir, you are thinking what nonsense this old man is saying. Let me give clear example of sad state of this country.

Two days back there was one major emergency in the house. Suddenly washing machine stopped working. Immediately I called local electrician. He checked and said uncle it is electrical problem, I will get spare parts and come back immediately.

And then just one hour later he came back with the parts, finished the work quickly, and charged very reasonable price for his services. Hahahaha. Madam/ Sir, it is two days and he has not come back yet. If you call him his mobile phone will say ‘hi please leave message.’ I left three messages in Tamil, and one in English. Then Mrs. Mathrubootham took my mobile phone and left one final message in both languages. I have decided to send phone to Tirupati for purification.

Same evening we had to go to one family friend’s house for one Happy New Year party. I told Mrs. Mathrubootham, “Kamalam shall we cancel, I have nothing to wear. All my full pants are in the washing machine.” She said, “As if you are some famous actor Madhavan. Just wear one old pants from the almirah.”

Madam/ Sir, I put on one old pair of pants and wonder of wonders it was fitting perfectly. “Look Kamalam,” I said, “five years later I am still fitting in the same pants.” She said, “Old man, I have been wearing same sari since 1987, you please keep quiet.”

As soon as we entered the party, I saw Mr. Shanmugham. I am seeing him after 15 years minimum. He used to work in Indore branch when I went there for brief deputation. I said, “Oh my god Mr. Shanmugham what a pleasant surprise to see you.”

And what did that scoundrel say? “Oh Mr. Mathrubootham I did not expect to see you, you have put on weight...”

Madam/ Sir, why are people in this country like this? Whether this is decency? Rascal did I ask you for full body health check-up? Bloody fool I can also say, ‘oh Mr Shanmugham so nice to see you after so many years, but no difference at all, your face is still as if somebody put eyebrows on jackfruit?’

But did I say? No. I showed culture. This is why I am saying, first we teach common courtesy, and then we can teach electrolysis and animal husbandry and all.

I got very upset. I told Mrs. Mathrubootham, “Let us go home immediately.” She said, “Wait for at least 30 minutes, somebody will have contact details of good electrician.”

Yours in extreme irritation,

J. Mathrubootham