When you ask your parents what being a parent is like they typically give you the same speech that every other parent gives their own kids. Parents will usually tell you something like this: "I'm not gonna lie to you. It's going to be hard, but it will be worth it". Believe it or not, this is still a lie. Your parents are sugar coating it for you, and yes telling you something is going to be hard is still sugar coating in this instance. What your parents will never tell you (because they will never admit it) is that kids are assholes. Now moms and dads will never admit that to their children because that would basically be saying that said children were assholes when they were kids, and apparently calling your kids assholes to their faces is bad for self esteem or whatever.Now I know what you are thinking: "Kids aren't assholes! They are adorable.". That's where they get you. They lure you in with adorableness and perfectly kissable cheeks, but the moment you turn your back on them they turn into the weeping angels from Doctor Who. Don't blink and don't ever look away. Kids only need a couple of seconds to ruin your life. Remember, all they best things are typically somewhat fragile. A baby is easily strong enough to put a hot wheels car through the screen of that 47' LCD TV that you just bought yesterday. Watch that vintage comic book collection you've got in the closet. I know you are saving those comics to pay for your kids college, but it will only take a few seconds for your kids to tear his way into having to join the army.What would you call someone who ruins your sleep schedule, breaks all of your favorite expensive things, constantly cockblocks you, and makes YOU feel terrible when THEY do something horrible to YOU? You would call that person an asshole. I refuse to be tricked by tiny adorable babies, they are assholes and the cute act is just a front. They know what they are doing! When you ask your child what they are doing and they jump four feet, then you know that they know that they are doing something bad and were hoping not to get caught. Then they make cute little baby faces at you and against your better judgement you forgive them and shower them with kisses and gifts.Kids will do terrible things to you and then you will forgive them and love them forever. Prime example: Liam destroyed my xbox. At a time when Liam could not raise his own bottle to pour milk into his own face, he somehow managed to annihilate my xbox. It's my own fault i guess, I looked away from him for a full 2.5 seconds. In this 2.5 seconds somehow my son, who wasn't even a year old at the time, managed to lift my xbox off of the entertainment system, open the disc tray, drop my copy of mass effect onto the floor, and then chokeslam my xbox right on top of it. I happened to catch this last part helplessly from 5 feet away. I turned back just in time to see him plunging the xbox towards the earth. I didn't have enough time to react, I didn't even have enough time to blurt out "no". It all happened in slow motion. My xbox hit the floor with a terrible crash, and from within I could hear the most disturbing of mechanical and electronic noises. At one point I swear I heard it cry out for me to save it, right before the red lights slowly petered out, but I was powerless to save it. I was stunned for the longest moment. Nothing in my military career had ever prepared me for such horror. Rage swelled up inside me. It was a rage that I had never felt before. Someone must pay! I decided. I turned my icy gaze on the perpetrator. That foot tall bastard just stared back at me with an expression that was almost remorse. I knew immediately that he was faking it, but his cute little pouty lip was more than I could bear. I lifted him into my arms and planted a kiss on his tiny little baby face. I had forgiven him immediately. Plus the xbox was still under warranty so I got it fixed easily.Now you may think I'm a bit of a cynic with my whole "kids are assholes" mentality, and you wouldn't be entirely wrong, but there's much more to it. I love my kids with all of my heart, and even with all of the terrible things they do to me, I will never stop loving them, and I will always be able to forgive them. The point of this post isn't to show that kids are awful and that no one should ever have them, my point is this: parents should have a totally different conversation with their kids about having children. They should say something like "Children are destructive, borderline psychopaths who will stop at nothing to ruin everything that you have ever understood to be a life, but they destroy your life so that you can rebuild a better one. A life where you learn what is really important and where you can finally see what love truly is. It is a rewarding and beautiful experience that will change you forever for the better. It's worth it, trust me. Also watch your xbox, those assholes will smash it first chance they get".