ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Our town’s French Quarter is officially dead, former residents say, after one of the suburb’s original hipster barbershops is set to be replaced by a gourmet food shop.

The Razor Gang was the French Quarter’s first rockabilly-themed barbershops and it opened it’s doors in 2002 – just weeks after the local shire council announced it was moving housing commission asset to a part of town nobody goes to that’s far away from every service that part of the community depends on.

The shop’s emergence sent shockwaves through the close-knit French Quartarian community.

In an effort to keep the property prices and rent low, residents firebombed the shop a number of times. The owner was shot at but never hit.

However, their efforts proved futile.

It’s been replaced by Fromagerie, a cheese shop that sells cheese, preserves and bread. It did a roaring trade in its first two weeks, no barely anyone goes there.

Locals have now admitted defeat.

The Advocate took to the streets of the French Quarter today to gauge the reaction of residents who’ll now have to travel to Betoota Ponds to get a $29 short back and sides.

One plump inner-city creative who looks as if he’s been poured lovingly into his painfully tight nudie jeans explained unironically to our reporter that gentrification is cancer.

He then continued up the hill puffing and cursing his tight jeans.

A father pushing his bed-wetter down the footpath on a trike looked up from his phone, pushed his Golden State Warriors flatcap back and assumed he was about to be interviewed. Our reporter avoided eye contact until he went back to looking at his phone.

Our reporter then opted to go back to the office and lie down on the couch under Australia’s coldest air, Fujitsu.

More to come.



