FACT OR FICTION? A simple grammar for those who just don’t get it

By Gooneraside

A simple grammar for those who just don’t get it

Fiction.

The Mirror, 7 June 2010 – Joe Cole will join Arsenal after the World Cup.

So we know that for the piece of poo it was. But how many of you believed this at the time? None of you, you say? Then I must have mis-read many comments. I’m almost positive there were some already welcoming him. I could even envisage some furiously searching for old shirts that had been surreptitiously thrown into the backs of cupboards, those with the same surname on their backs. After all, we don’t want to throw away anything that’s related to The Arsenal, do we?

But it was fiction. As were the thousands of other pieces we’ve read about the players that we were interested in/had approached/had watched/had never heard of that were reported in those rags that profess to know the true facts. They all lie when they don’t have anything factual to report.

Fact.

None of the successful Arsenal teams of the past achieved the consistency of success we have had over the last ten years.

You all know about The Legendary Arsenal of the 1930’s – how they won consecutive titles between 1930-31 and 1934-35 and the F.A Cup in the seasons before and after that spell, initially under Herbert Chapman. A lot less is said about the fact that he began his career at The Arsenal in 1925 and spent what was then a shit-load of money buying players while finishing his first season in second position, followed by four seasons hovering around 10th place, before he finally got it right.

Similar placings happened during the tenures of George Allison, Tom Whittaker, Bertie Mee and George Graham.

Fiction.

Arsenal will finish outside the top four. How many so-called pundits said that prior to last season? At times, I sincerely believe that my arse knows more about football than some of them – even if it is slightly biased. They make prophesies when they should just profess to know no more than we all do. What they say is usually fiction. Have they made the same prophecy this year? I don’t know – I’ve stopped listening to them.

Fact.

You can’t please all the people all of the time.

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I loved watching The Arsenal from the North Bank. But even to me it became obvious that the Club needed to move after events in other places made all-seater grounds necessary, even not considering the extra fan-access that would be gained from moving. Especially after the Wembley fiascos.

And we did move, putting the Club into a serious debt which, with proper management, has been steadily reduced.

This wasn’t the only time the Club has been in serious debt. At the start of WW2, the Club owed 200 grand, a sum at that time comparable to where we’ve just been. And during the war, the North Bank roof was destroyed by bombs during the war incurring extra expenditure. Tom Whittaker managed us out of that problem.

Most of us go to the Emirates Stadium (when getting the opportunity) to watch the football. There are many who seem to go to find fault with some aspect of it. I repeat, you can’t please all the people all the time.

Fact.

We all make mistakes. That explains Sylvestre.

Fact or fiction, you decide.

Cesc is going to Barceloaner. I wouldn’t be surprised but I don’t know when. I don’t need to be told that he was at Barceloaner during his youth (DNA, indeed!) by some half-decent footballer whose parents christened him so that he would be able to sign his name with an X. I can believe that Cesc may have said he sometimes misses his old chums, but did he really say he wanted to go back now and help to keep their bench warm?

Questions to be answered factually.

As and when Arsene Wenger finally leaves, who should we get to replace him?

We could try to find someone from outside the Club who would become as good a clubman as happened with Arsene Wenger and for that matter, with Herbert Chapman. But we should take care.

We could get somebody who turns us into a team of cloggers determined that a broken leg for the opponents is better than a goal.

We could get an ex-captain of England who is married to a singer. That did happen with Billy Wright in 1962. In the following season, the Club conceded 82 goals.

We could get somebody who would rape the Club while providing us with a piece of silverware and relegation, before he shows his true colours (is white a colour?).

We could get somebody who is using the Club as a stepping stone to where he really wants to be, possibly solely in order to show some other club that they should never have called him the Translater.

We could look at clubmen we know.

Pat Rice? I suspect he will retire before his boss – or leave at the same time.

Steve Bould? Liam Brady? Tony Adams? I think they might need slightly more experience.

TH? He’s got a couple more years of playing left in his body. Maybe later.

Fact.

Better the devil you know, than the devil you dont know. Especially if the devil you know is on your side.

Final fact.

Many of you out there have much more time and opportunity to watch The Arsenal in the future than me. You’re a lucky load of bastards (said with love), so enjoy it.

Untold Arsenal. More facts than you can shake a stick at

Woolwich Arsenal. Why we are what we are

Making the Arsenal. Be seen reading the book that the rest of the world is reading. And it’s got a really nice cover.