Wins and losses are black and white. As we grow older, these absolutes tend to melt together into nebulous grey areas. Not so with sports. Sports take the qualitative and transform it into the quantitative. Points, rebounds, steals, and ultimately wins and losses. Week 8 in the Pac-12 Conference is in the books, and with it the quantitative wins and losses. I’m here to take the easily understandable black and white and spin some grey out of it. I’ll do my best to extrapolate from wins and losses to winners and losers.

Winner: Oregon’s NCAA Tournament Seed

Conference play stands apart because it always goes according to plan. Nothing ever goes askew. Chalk talks. Except for how everything I just said is some major BS. Oregon the Great and Powerful took UCLA’s tournament chances, put it in a hat, said the magic words of “UPSET UTAH!” and pulled out their very own NCAA tournament bid. Their NCAA seed was the biggest winner of the weekend, simply by virtue of being reborn into existence.

Loser: UCLA’s Tourney Hopes

A week ago on the Pac-12 Stock Watch, UCLA clocked in at #3 and was the only team to necessitate a trend rating of Up, Up, Up. Following in the footsteps of nearly every 3rd best Pac-12 team, UCLA’s seat fell out from under it after just one week. A loss at Arizona is to be expected, but falling to ASU may have put UCLA’s tournament chances out of commission. Remember that ‘schedule from heaven’ of @ASU, @Arizona, and three straight home games against Washington, Washington State, and USC? UCLA lost its golden opportunity to punch a ticket to the NCAA tournament this weekend.

Winner: ASU’s Home Court Advantage

The Curtain of Distraction: No one can take their eyes off of left shark

Right? Behind the power of the Curtain of Distraction, ASU is 3-2 at home this year against the top half of the conference. Wins against Arizona, UCLA, Oregon State, and an overtime loss against Oregon. The Sun Devils encompass this season of the Pac-12 Conference: enigmatic, bipolar, and more than a little ridiculous.

Loser: Larry Krystkowiak‘s Coach of the Year hopes

Utah has been a bedrock as the second best team in the Pac-12 Conference. No bad losses blemish the resume. Unfortunately that raises the question of how good Utah is if it can’t beat the good teams. Arizona depantsed them. Oregon and UCLA upset them. After spending the season penciled in as a tournament #3 seed with Larry Krystkowiak a lead contender for Coach of the Year, Utah now stands precariously on the edge of falling from a ‘great’ team to a ‘good’ team. If they lose next week’s battle to Arizona it’s too easy to see Utah falling to the dreaded NCAA tournament 5 seed with half of America picking them as their annual 12 seed over 5 seed upset.

Winner: Washington Fans

Who would have thought? The words ‘Washington’ and ‘winner’ haven’t occupied the same sentence in nearly a month. Time to party in Seattle. Enjoy yourselves Washington fans, you deserve this. You’ve surpassed USC and are no longer the cellar dwellers of the Pac-12 Conference. Speaking of USC . . .

Loser: Malik Martin’s Ankles

Loser: Pac-12 At Large Tournament Bids

Conference play has slowly but surely whittled down the number of Pac-12 teams in line for an at-large bid. Arizona and Utah are the locks. Everyone else begs beneath the power of the NCAA selection committee. A win against Utah helps Oregon, but UCLA falling to ASU hamstrings their resume. Not to mention Stanford falling to Colorado the week before.

NCAA bids are falling like flies at this point. According to ESPN’s bracketologist Joe Lunardi, the Pac-12 Conference is sporting 4 teams in the tournament. On face value this doesn’t seem terrible. Four teams is certainly a down year, but hey that happens. Do yourself a favor and don’t scroll down to the last four in and first four out. It reveals the razor thin margin by which the Pac-12 has four bids. The last four in? NC State, Illinois, UCLA, Oregon. Stanford calls to its friends from outside the party as Lunardi’s first team out. A single loss is enough to push UCLA, Oregon, and Stanford out. One Selection Sunday surprise at large bid knocks out a Pac-12 team. Every game is a must win from here on out.

Winner: Dusan Ristic

Fear the Super Serbian Substitute

College game day picked Arizona-UCLA as its prime time game. Instead of a quality basketball game, viewers were treated to a game in which UCLA and Arizona took turns suffering from amnesia, stumbling around with no knowledge of ‘basketball’, and lashing out in violence (see: 44 fouls total, 3 UCLA players fouling out).

The lone spot of joy in the game was the Super Serbian Substitue Dusan Ristic. Ristic plays with the style and grace of a giant with a 2×4 strapped to his back, and yet was unstoppable during the first half against UCLA. In a game where the cumulative FG% was 35%, Dusan looked deep into the recesses of his mind and decided he would shoot 100%. Going 4-4 from the field to go along with four FTs, Ristic’s display of low post ballet led to 14 first half points. As was expected from such a disappointing game, Dusan did not play in the second half, because this game was as enjoyable as kids dance recital. No rhythm or flow, lots of noise, and just crap quality overall.

Loser: Every Pac-12 Conference Fan besides Oregon and ASU

Upsets are fun in the moment, but their repercussions are ultimately negative for the Pac-12’s tournament hopes. The Pac-12 Conference now stands in line for 2 to 5 tournament bids, with bids 3, 4, and 5 likely falling in the 10-12 seeding range (if those teams even make it in, 2 Pac-12 teams is a dark-timeline possibility). The league still belongs to Arizona and Utah, but Oregon’s upset took away the ultimate winner-take-all showdown between the two conference powers on Saturday.

Winner: Pac-12 Conference Fans

Who cares though? Who doesn’t love the craziness and unpredictability of conference play? It’s what makes college basketball special. Anything can happen, which is college basketball’s comparative advantage over the NBA. Sure the quality of basketball play isn’t up to NBA standards, but each game means something. There’s not 82 chances to grab those W‘s and L‘s. You’ve got 30 regular season game and every single one has major ramifications. With just two weeks to go and the margin of error for tournament bids nearly nonexistent, each game is now do or die. Stanford, UCLA, and Oregon are playing for their seasons each time they suit up. Utah and Arizona play for the conference title on Saturday. So sit back and enjoy.