Photograph by Brian Snyder / Reuters

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In an appearance Friday on CNN, Gary Johnson, the Libertarian Presidential nominee, promised that as President he would get tough on East Korea.

"This behavior is unacceptable," he said. "The East Koreans are making us look like idiots."

While stressing that he remained, for the most part, an isolationist, he said, "I will do everything in my power as President to support our allies in West Korea."

He also blasted the Obama Administration for its "lack of transparency" in conducting foreign policy. "I think it's unconscionable that I just found out about these countries today," he said.