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Modern church and the devil of incompetence, the volume box on your iPhone, Sean’s Dong gets beat, twist ties, the dollar store, people who throw beachballs over the side at baseball games, girls who are worried about looking “too buff”, drunk time traveling, gay detecting computers in the Middle East, dress shirts all look like parachutes, Madcucks-gestions and how to interview, putting an end to that Ed Sheeran song, auto-playing news videos, Matt Miller Ink and the Dick Show neck tattoo; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I need to make some room in the store for the fall collection, so The Dick Store is having it’s first annual BACK TO SCHOOL SALE!!! Get 50% off the Everything is a Contest t-shirt in black or green when you use the promo code FLYORDIE1013. While supplies last!

If you haven’t bought tickets to ROAD RAGE: LOS ANGELES THE CITY OF FAILURE, don’t wait another minute. Business scientists at Ticketfly are constantly testing how high they can raise the pain point on their completely unjustifiable fuck-you-in-the-ass service fees. Today, service fees are just a couple of bucks, but soon they might actually cause you physical pain. Get tickets now while you still can.

BUY TICKETS

But first…

I was going to write a bunch of rhyming shit about what is The Devil, but instead of doing that, I wrote a cold opener for my TV show, “Time Drunk”. Listen to the show before you read it! And then enjoy.

Time Drunk.pdf

Here are some really tremendous spoons, one sent in from the Internet Popular podcast staring Chels and Clay.

Who would have thought all this would lead to my secret life-long dream of having a souvenir spoons collection. @marcmaron has zero spoons. pic.twitter.com/hHxEE5dDGL — Dick Masterson (@dickmasterson) September 6, 2017

Dick Pics!

Closing theme re-mix song by Dillon McCallister.



Thumbnail for the history books by Clay Burton.



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