KANSAS CITY—Stopping to take stock of himself and actually enjoy the fresh air, area man Michael Perez relaxed his overwhelming sense of anxiety for just a moment Thursday, giving a pack of coyotes the opening they had long been waiting for. According to sources, Perez had gone on the hike to blow off steam and finally found the willpower to let go of his punishing angst for a peaceful moment, a change in demeanor which was immediately sensed by a pack of vicious, hungry coyotes that decided now was the time to strike. Witnesses confirmed that Perez smiled and took a deep breath while un-tensing his muscles, losing the split second of awareness that would have allowed him to evade the approaching coyotes that had been following him around every day in the hopes he would let his guard down in just such a way. At press time, Perez was more relaxed than he had been in years after the coyotes finished devouring his stomach and intestines.

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