we need to talk

i want to first say that all of this i say out of love and thirst for truth. i know there’s going to be major issues after what i have to say, and i accept that. please know that i am the same person you’ve liked and respected. i consider myself a seeker of truth and all i want is to raise consciousness. this is going to be difficult to read but i urge you to read the whole thing, think about what i’ve said, and come to your own conclusions. there are a lot of questions i’m asking that have been forbidden but they need to be asked, and when questions are forbidden in a movement something is extremely wrong.



why do we have to talk about male and female?



ignoring sex based oppression is bad for everyone, which means we need to stop ignoring sex. male and female are distinct categories that almost everyone alive fits into. most intersex people, especially female intersex people, have their genitals surgically altered at birth so they can be put into one of the two sex categories. the world’s enforcement of the two sex system is ruthlessly oppressive, starting at birth.



we have intra community terms for this - dfab/dmab/camab/cafab etc., which have served to confuse the reality of a world where male people are an oppressor class to female people and sex-based has to be adknowledged to have an understanding of life based in reality.

what is female and male socialization?



male and female socialization are both real. it may be painful for trans people to recognize this, but it can’t be ignored. when you are born, your sex is determined and the process of socialization begins.

female socialization is being complimented on your appearance before anything else, called on less in class, constantly having your words devalued, sexual harassment starting from a young age, being taught to present your body as an object for others consumption, to fear rape always, to blame yourself if you are attacked, to monitor your appearance obsessively, to value yourself and your work less… being socialized to be subjugated.

male socialization is getting more attention, getting more praise, having your actions and achievements seen before your body (relative to a girl otherwise in the same class), being taught you should have confidence in your opinions, having many choices for male role models, being taught women who disagree with you are emotional or pmsing, that womens bodies are yours to use and should look the part, etc… being socialized to subjugate.

so you’re a trans exclusive radical feminist?



not at all. discussions of transphobia and radical feminism are totally able to be side by side & intersecting, it just has to come under the reality of sex based oppression & gendered socialization.

trans men and female nonbinary people are also welcome in radical feminism, as it is a movement about female people, by female people, for female people.

female people need female-only spaces for safety and understanding of their unique experiences.



what about trans women?

trans women and women in general absolutely have some common experiences and common goals in activism, and i definitely think there’s lots of potential for us to work together at times, but just like trans women deserve safe spaces and distinct movements to address THEIR unique concerns, so do women born female.



“male socialization” describes the way others treat people when they think theyre male, not the internal experience of being treated that way.

trans women are oppressed under homophobia and transphobia for being perceived as trans women, or as gender non conforming (gnc) men, or oppressed by misogyny when passing, and this is especially true when combined with other forms of oppression. that doesn’t make them female, which is a combination of a somewhat vague biological archetype and the treatment you receive, especially in formative years, based on you being sorted as female.

male people can be disadvantaged on other axes, and this oppression will shape that socialization. in the same way that a traumatized or undocumented citizen boy will experience his socialization differently, a young trans girl still growing up being seen as a boy will have a different iteration of male socialization. it modifies the socialization, but it doesnt erase it. this is why even though trans women demonstrably experience a lot of discrimination, they still seem to express a male pattern of violence as a demographic.

gender is constructed, and we are taught to reenact these constructs. unlearning this stuff takes conscious analysis, willingness to change your behavior when you see that its hurting others, and self education. trans women who are told their socialization was female do not undertake this effort.



are you saying all trans women engage in male violence?

no, but i am saying that trans women are male, and a large amount of male people engage in male violence. i am of the belief that there is an epidemic of male violence in the radical queer community. i have experienced it, my friends have experienced it, friends of my friends have experienced it. i have a word document with 30 accounts of trans women raping and abusing female people that are all within 2 degrees of separation from people i personally know. rape is the most extreme manifestation of this male violence but i’ve observed and heard many, many accounts of sexual misconduct just on tumblr alone.

nobody talks about the pattern. sometimes we talk about the individual predators, sometimes, eventually, after they’ve victimized again and again, but never address the pattern. i’m tired of seeing young female people get hurt by trans women who believe that they were not taught an entitlement to women’s bodies, alongside everyone else who society believed to be male.

i’m talking about an epidemic of behavior, which is happening because of a dangerous situation where male socialization is being simultaneously ignored and encouraged, where the deaths of poor trans women of color are being used to justify that dicks are female and there’s nothing you can say about it. the politicization of female people’s (especially lesbians) dating options is extremely dangerous for young female people

there’s also this list of 40 trans women who committed violence crimes against women and children. trans women hurt women and children sometimes, and we need to be able to talk about that. rape and abuse are wildly underreported, and these are just cases that made it to the news and the court. there is a pattern of male violence where male people are involved.

female abusers exist too (both my partner and i have been abused by female people) but the prevalence of male people who rape and abuse is much, much higher. acknowledging this does not take away from victims of female rape and abuse.



some trans women hurt other trans women too, not just females. this is an issue that effects everyone.



but aren’t you cis? why should i listen to a cis person?



the word cis, as its being used right now, is misogynistic, because it positions women as benefiting from their oppression. female people don’t benefit for being female, they’re oppressed for it. that’s what misogyny is. trans people don’t benefit from being trans either, but that doesn’t make it a privilege to be woman

cis and trans isn’t a perfect binary. people who detransition, or who have severe dysphoria and never transistion exist. a lot of people who still experience dysphoria realized that the transition treatment model wasn’t right for them, for a lot of reasons that vary a lot between individuals.

non-trans (meaning, not transitioning socially or medically) and non-dysphoric (meaning, someone without severe dysphoria) can be used the same as cis, with the recognition that a small number of people are non-trans but dysphoric. the term “cis” has been used to erase misogyny for so long that i think it should no longer be used

what about nonbinary people?



i believe that non-dysphoric nonbinary people are generally using their identity as a coping mechanism for being viewed as female or to avoid the reality that they are being viewed as male.

dysphoric nonbinary people also make sense as a reaction to a patriarchal world & an environment where being non-cis is a way to join a community. especially female nonbinary people, considering the cis hating queer theory atmosphere. it is a form of denying that you’re seen as a woman by the world and have misogyny enacted on you.

identifying as nonbinary can be an important part of the journey of understanding gendered socialization and your own gender non-conformity, especially in a society where sex/gender roles are so harshly enforced



things are very complicated but nonbinary people still need to recognize sex based oppression and gendered socialization



these are all things that i have learned and come to know to be true. i want to thank my partner max who worked with me closely on this, and phrased many things eloquently and clearly. i have talked to my sisters, i have talked to trans men and trans women. i have been a trans man and i have been nonbinary. i’ve been deep enough into radical queer ideology that when my friends and i were raped and abused by trans women, we weren’t allowed to talk about it or name the problem. i’m done with this now. i’m finishing this up with some more posts that i think are excellent reading, and the first set of them are by gender critical trans women. these posts are by my peers and are very valuable. please let them answer these questions.



questions gender critical trans women have answered

other questions there are answers to

edit: i no longer align myself or am close with any gender critical trans women. i leave their writings here (of the ones that are still up) because it’s an important stepping stone for some people trapped within radical queer ideology. but i ask you this - why do you need a male person to tell you it’s okay to know that you’re female and it’s okay for you to recognize sex based oppression? the answer is, you don’t. thanks.

