Like a lot of savvy Vancouverites, we are members of several car-sharing services. Three in fact. Modo, Evo and Car2Go, which recently changed its name to Share Now, which sounds like a new online mental health initiative, but whatevs.

Anyway, in our many years of sharing Modos, Evos and Car2Gos with the lumpen masses we’ve noticed a few things about car-share members.

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First off, they’re short. Not Ian Hanomansing short, but verging on Ewok short. Sure, we’re a little on the tall side (attractively so) but just about every time we get into a car, the driver’s seat is pulled so close to the steering wheel it’s as if a four-year-old with a booster seat booked the car before us.

Secondly, the vast majority of cars we get into are filled with some piece of garbage — lipstick-stained Starbucks cups, candy wrappers, napkins, crumpled parking tickets, fast food bags, price tags ripped off clothing purchases. Why drivers consider a car share their personal garbage can boggles the mind. Even more perplexing is why they need to eat while they’re driving. Most car- share trips last a few minutes, so all these lazy-ass drivers would have to scarf down their food or coffee at a record pace before their trip is over.

Which brings us to our last observation. People who leave their garbage in car shares eat like crap. Never do we see an empty salad container, piece of discarded vegetable or loose chia seed dirtying the car we’re in. It’s always remnants of stinky fast food, chip bags, sugary frappuccinos and energy drinks that look like an Ed Hardy T-shirt in liquid form.

So to recap:

Car-sharing services are great. But a lot of the people who use them are abnormally short, messy, lazy and probably going die early deaths because of all the crap they put into their body and the likelihood they’ll be impaled by their steering wheel when they stop too quickly because they’ve spilt coffee all over their newly purchased clothes.

@KudosKvetches