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My dog once ate his own excrement. Not just the once, actually. One incident stands out because he ate the wrong kind. You’re thinking: “But, the only right kind to eat is none.” Technically you are correct. For argument’s sake, though, we’ll define “the wrong kind” as that which induces illness in the diner. This kind did so in the form of vomit, as my dog stood over my white rug.

You’ll note that the American election bears an uncanny resemblance to the ingestion and expulsion habits of my lovable but intellectually challenged and ill-mannered dog. Donald Trump is the toxic dung of the United States: the country’s New Money excess, its look-at-me showmanship, its quick-buck hustle and its fetish for violent, play-by-their-own-rules mavericks have all been distilled into the nasty orange turd that we know as The Donald.

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And now America has consumed the very crap it produced.

If, on Tuesday, America keeps Trump around, it’s not going too far to say that its political system will be critically compromised. But even if it does manage to expunge the man it made, the question remains: how can the country clean up its mess?