Dear brothers and hipsters,

I, @SaulofTarsus, mimetically writing to you from my iPhone, do exhort you to excuse any exegetical errors.

This week, suffering from #FOMO, all things became oppressive and dark—not in a Lo-Fi or Brennan kind of way, but in a terribly Normal kind of way. Aiming my device, I shot myself in the face. #Selfie #blindedbythelight

@SaulofTarsus Post-Conversion

#rayban #roadtrip #ontheroadagain

In this posterized day and age: post-modern, post-contemporary, post-conversion, post-post-post, we are more and less sure of what is, or at least what is not, socially estimable. Purity, now synonymous with puerility, and sincerity, equated with ideological naïveté, is symptomatic of a cultural construct of cool. Zealotry makes others uncomfortable, and we strive to be comfortable: socially, politically, ideologically, and economically, almost more than we strive to be anything else. Avoiding the saccharine sacred, we opt for the authentically risk-averse profane; cohabitation instead of marriage, ugly Christmas sweater parties instead of Christmas parties. The norm, a reconquest, retrofitted, and renamed: new vintages in heritage wine skins. Decant it be true?

@SaulofTarsus

Comb over haircut and lightening

#illuminatedmanuscalps

Today’s gospel compels us: seek ye first the kingdom of gods, then all these things shall be added unto you: a voguish significant other, a handsome canine child, and a cutting edge architectural dwelling. I will vomit the lukewarm water out of my mouth in to this trendy new concrete oval basin. #soblessed

All those who have eyes, see, and ears, hear that the godly life consists in the fine details: ornate metal bowl with #antique brass finish, #silkengardlandsdressed #foraged fig jam, #pensivepenne simmering on the stove, and any and all epicurean delights sumptuously served on vaguely vintage table wear. #humanflourishing

@SaulofTarsus

Kosher Deer-Skin Scrolls #heavenly

Living like the Sadducees and Pharisees, rather than the Essenees, we pose as bohemians, while covetous of the pocket books of the bourgeoisie, sharing pictures of hand-ground Lamb Kafka and tossed arugula salad with a side of mint raita, bemoaning #sophisticatedscholarlyinterpretations of #metamorphosis.

@SaulofTarsus Why so Sadducee?

Endlessly self-conscious of what we are not yet, in pursuit of what we imagine we ought to be, we remain watchful and ever image-ready, knowing neither the day nor the hour when we will ascend to heavenly heights of social status. Like the lily-scented models of the lifestyle-magazine field: Do not toil; take spinning classes. The body is a temple: an open concept structure of evanescent alabaster. What shall you eat? Leaves. What shall you drink? Juiced leaves. “Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”

@SaulofTarsus Abba Gold

#workout #yoursalvation

Though it would be easier for a camel to pass a needle than to escape the persecutions of status anxiety, do not let a lack of hearts on Instagram trouble you. Love is #instapatient, love is #instakind, love does not #statusenvy, even though it may #humblebrag. Navigating the Diaspora of modern day nominalism, it is irony itself that makes permissible a self to which we are otherwise afraid of confessing. #sorrynotsorry

Like this? Do not deny thyself and Follow me @SaulofTarsus!

Saul of Tarsus, hustling to make a name for himself, likes to use his status to advantage his ministry to Jewish and Roman audiences alike.