By now you’ve probably heard abut the fiasco with the top 8 players at the Roanoke Regionals at Star City Games all taking byes in the final round of Swiss to be guaranteed a place in the top 8. This prevented the 9th and 10th place players from moving up into the top 8.

9th place at least got a set of dice though (the tournament kits come with an extra set as a gift to the TO, which they gave away). I think getting to play in the top 8 is worth more than the dice themselves, but as far as consolation prizes go, it’s pretty damn good. Very classy move by Star City.

But what about 10th place? A player who would have made the cut, but who didn’t, and walked away with nothing but the participation prize. What about him?

More importantly, What can you do for him?

I asked, and he said you can send him tequila. Seriously, for all the salt y’all are putting out there, some tequila to go with it would be nice. I’ll supply the limes.

Also, 10th place was me. I’m saying send me tequila. Or quit whining about the tournament. Either one is fine by me.

I prefer the tequila.

If you’re in the NoVa area, I’ll be at Chuy’s from 5-6pm tomorrow before Curio’s Tuesday night tournament. If you’re not in the area, I’ll give you my address and you can mail me a bottle. Minis, pints, fifths. However pissed off you are, send me that much booze. Are you 1.75 liters pissed off? Faaaantastic! You can either PM me on Reddit, or leave your e-mail address as a comment here, and I’ll give you my mailing address to send booze to.

Otherwise, shut the hell up.

Look, I’m not saying you can’t have an opinion about tournament structure. I’ve got one, I’ve written about it, and that’s fine. But, if you’re going to get mad at the players, especially if you’re going to start insulting them, the price to entry into that conversation is that you buy me a drink.

I’m serious. If you think the situation is so bad that it calls for insulting other players, but you don’t think it’s bad enough to buy someone directly harmed by it a single friggin’ drink, then you’re not just an asshole, but a cheap asshole.

You can be cheap, or you can be an asshole, but don’t be both.

In all honestly, while I think the rules do have some issues (in this case it’s that mod wins effectively made this a 44 person tournament instead of 45, so it only needed 5 rounds to begin with), I have no hard feelings towards the players.

Did I get knocked out because they all took draws? Sure.

But, I also got knocked out because I didn’t fly Jake aggressively enough in my first loss, and because I flew him too aggressively and made a poor barrel roll in my second loss. I got knocked out by the draws just as much as I got knocked out by having 2 losses in the first 5 rounds.

I had a good time, and I’m not mad.

What I am is sober.

And that’s not okay.