As The Room taught us all, when your fiancée is unfaithful and claiming that you hit her, when you did naht, the only logical response is to open your little gun box, ask God for forgiveness, and grant yourself the sweet release of death. But what if there were another, less dramatically powerful way to escape the torment of being torn apart? That's the question recently posed to the advice columnist at Toronto's The Star (via), and, oh, hi, they actually published this:

I recently overheard my future wife telling her friend about being unfaithful to me.

When confronted, she said that she couldn't talk right now. Also, she recently told some people that I hit her, but it's untrue. I'm not sure why she's been acting like this lately. She did just find out that her mother has breast cancer, so that might play a role in her behaviour. We always find time to make love, so I don't know why she'd seek it from someone else.

I love her so much, and I don't know that I could go on without her. Tearing Me Apart

Apparently unaware that she was reading the synopsis of a modern-day masterpiece with all the passion of Tennessee Williams, columnist Ellie Tesher provided a response far more thought out than any element at all of The Room:

She's creating drama, perhaps to offset the one that scares her most -- her mother's breast cancer.

But it's unfair to turn the drama against you. She may have cheated, or she may have invented that story, just as she did about you hitting her. Confront her pain. Tell her you know she's worried about her mom, and you want to be there for her. But you can't do this if she pushes you away. And that's what she's doing, through her stories, which are hurting both your reputations.

Disappointingly, Dan Savage has yet to respond to the question, "Anyway, how is your sex life?"