I know we make a lot of fun of Christian blogger and professional mommy-shamer Lori Alexander (a.k.a. “The Transformed Wife”), but it’s only because everything she says is batshit crazy.

For example, yesterday, she talked about the importance of how new couples need to talk about their expectations for marriage early on in the relationship. That’s not necessarily bad advice. If you’re starting to date someone, it’s good to know you’re both on the same page in terms of where you’d like things to go. But that’s not what she’s talking about.

She insists all dates should only ever lead to marriage, and this needs to be apparent within the first few minutes of meeting. She even posted some questions that a woman in her private fundamentalist Christian circle said her future husband asked her on their first date.

So just imagine you’re meeting someone new at a restaurant. Here’s what you should apparently discuss the moment after the waiter walks away with your orders.

Are you willing to uphold the teachings of the church and teach our children those teachings? Will you never use birth control and allow God to bless us with as many/few children as HE sees fit? Are you willing to stay home and raise children and not have a career (I was in college at the time)? Are you willing to homeschool our children? Do you believe in dressing in the appropriate gender clothing? What do you think is the ideal hierarchy of the household? What is your view on intimacy before marriage? What is your view on divorce?

I could’ve highlighted all those questions, not just the ones I did, but yikes. I didn’t realize it was possible to bring that many red flags to dinner. (Hi, person I just met. When we finally get married and bang, will you be sure to dress our 11 kids in stereotypical gender-specific clothing since you won’t be allowed to do anything else except go to my church?)

It might just be easier to write “I’m an asshole” on your dating profile and see who bites.

I think my favorite thing about this list is the notion that you’d meet someone who has no idea where you stand on these issues. Like you’re springing all this on them for the first time in that moment.

The anonymous woman added: “After that, we ate our meal and conversed about more light-hearted things (goals, favorite this and that).”

“After that”! She answered all these questions to his satisfaction — I hate transgender people too! — and then they started talking about what they watch on TV.

Even the Girl Defined sisters suggested waiting until a relationship gets serious before springing their crazy list on a partner.

Everyone can date however they’d like — at least the anonymous woman seems to have found a similarly despicable fundamentalist partner — but if you really feel strongly about those Christian values, I’m just saying you can make that clear up front before you ever get to the restaurant. At least most people will know to avoid you at all costs.

(Image via Shutterstock)

