Things women wish you wouldn't say in church

Eleanor Dell | February 14th 2018

To coincide with the release of Kathleen Nielson’s new book, Women and God, we conducted a survey. It invited Christian women to share their opinions, thoughts and feelings on the place and experience of women in church and family life—the responses were very insightful!

Yesterday we looked at real examples of when women feel valued and honored in their church. Today we’re sharing moments or things that are said in church life that have made women cringe.

Encouragingly, many women were glad to tell us that they could not think of an example of “something that is done in church life that makes you cringe.” However, lots of other women shared the things that they sometimes find frustrating. Our hope is that church leaders get a small insight into the minds of some of the women sitting in the pews in front of them and are encouraged to open up discussion about it.

It makes me cringe when responsibilities are stereotyped...

“When women are expected to be the ones making the coffee!”

“When women are asked to provide baked goods and serve in the kitchen, whilst the men are asked to serve by moving chairs.”

“When all women's events are based around coffee and crafts—it’s a bit twee.”

“When women make up the majority of the creche/sunday school rota.”

It frustrates me when discussion of sin is gendered…

“When pastors address application about lust to men and eating disorders, gossip and shopping to women.”

“When speakers assume that pornography is just a struggle for men.”

It’s irritating when women are patronized...

“When men take a patronizing tone about women!”

“When older male preachers make old-fashioned jokes about a woman's place.”

“When preachers make occasional sexist remarks which come from cultural baggage rather than theological conviction.”

I find it hard when generalizations are made about being a woman...

“When womanhood is only talked about in the context of marriage and motherhood... What does femininity mean for single women?”

“When homeschooling, stay-at-home mums are idolized as the pinnacle of womanhood that we should all aspire to and it’s assumed that women who work outside the home aren’t fulfilled as a mother.”

It’s not helpful when complementarianism becomes a women’s issue...

“When men expect complementarity to be a women-only issue. If they lead well, we will find it easier (and more joyful) to follow!”

“When someone preaches a sermon all about a wife's submission and little on a husband's sacrificial love or how it is really a picture of Christ and the church.”

“When the emphasis is too much on what roles women can’t perform as opposed to the high calling on men or the wonderful things God has in store for women.”

---

None of us gets it right every time. But being aware of what the women in your congregation are thinking and feeling is so important! Why not read Kathleen’s Nielson’s new book, Women and God to see what scripture says about women. You could also read our blog on 4 ways to celebrate women and chat to the women in your church about it.