4. Ooze Charisma By Gushing, Not Gossiping

There is a scientific principle called “Spontaneous Trait Transference.” This fascinating phenomenon describes that when you speak ill of someone else, people can’t help but associate that same trait with you. In other words, if you say someone is mean and shallow, the person listening can’t help but assign those traits to you as well. This finding shows us why our mommas might have been right when they told us not to gossip!

Never, ever speak ill of others. If you want to talk about someone, try gushing. Pick someone who you adore and share all of their awesome qualities. I try very hard to practice gushing, not gossiping. I have found that it is wonderful to speak genuinely about people you respect and admire.

One way to achieve this is to imagine you need to give a toast to the person you’re talking about. What nice things might you bring up that you can choose to share with the person you’re speaking with now?

Action Step:

Give raving introductions. When I am introducing two people who might not know each other, I don’t just say, “Aaron meet Jess, Jess meet Aaron.” Instead, I try to rave about them. Something like this: “Aaron meet Jess. She is a fantastic pastry chef at a local bakery. She is too shy to admit it, but her secret scone recipe is to die for. And Jess, you have to meet Aaron. Aaron is a tech entrepreneur working on an amazing company that is using 3D printers to create car parts. We better watch out because in the next few years he will probably be on the cover of Time magazine!” In this way, I get to talk about two people I genuinely respect and admire, share their stories and put them at ease–they can’t brag about themselves, but I can!