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It’s cold as F, dammit! So I’m daydreaming of a world in which it’s pleasantly warm ALL the time, I don’t have to work for a living, I can sing as much as I want, and all those who would wrong me are lured to a watery death.

Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve been wearing my shirt backwards all day. It’s that kind of week. Definitely wanting to be part of some OTHER world right now. At least I’ll have the hair for it.

The weather sucks and adulting is a trap, so let’s be mermaids instead. Now, the pitfalls here are many. It’s cold out, it’s dry, and we’re all depressed AF because the D is nowhere to be found.

(The vitamin D the sun produces, you pervs. Sheesh.)

But there’s 5 little things that can help out anyway, and fortunately – believe it or not – that depression that’s sucked away all your motivation can actually be helpful here:

1. Consider a more hands-off approach.

This is what I mean by “the depression can actually be helpful.” Not motivated to wash, blowdry, straighten, and style your hair into submission? Well, good! Washing your hair every day actually strips natural oils that you need, and then you’ve got the double-whammy of your ends splitting while your roots go oily faster because your scalp’s overcompensating.

We all already know that heat styling damages your hair, too. So can brushing or combing it too much, especially when it’s wet. I only wash mine once or twice a week. I have a pretty tried-and-true rotation of hair styles depending on how long since the last wash. 1 or 2 days down-do, then half-up, then a gentle French braid, and the last day before washing, a bun or milkmaid braids. Whenever possible, detangle with your fingers or the wide-tooth comb, and start at the tips first to avoid breakage. If you think about touching the curling iron or straightener, remember that whole effortless French-girl hair appeal. These days, I tend to only heat-style my bangs, and even that’s only half the time.

. When you do wash, go sulfate-free. Your mileage may vary on finding a sulfate-free system that works for you. I heard a lot of good things about OGX brand so I was pretty disappointed when my hair became an unmanageable oil slick. Both the argan oil and the coconut failed for me, but you may have better luck. Also, at that time, I did not know that you actually NEED a sulfate to clean off silicones and polyquats which are used in many smoothing, styling products. Polyquats, thankfully, are pretty good at resisting build-up. You still probably want to use a gentle clarifying shampoo a couple times a month.

My Holy Grail, though, is the Agave (red bottle) Maui Moisture products. I think the aloe vera gel is what makes it great. It doesn’t build up, my hair feels clean and strong and moisturized, and it SMELLS. SO. GOOD. Leave that conditioner on as long as possible. Squish it into the hair, finger-comb it in, let it stay while you shave, exfoliate, and/or dissociate for several minutes. Whatever you do in there.

While your conditioner is on, comb out gently with a wide-tooth comb . Then, rinse thoroughly and gently squeeze out the water with your towel. (DON’T rub or wring!)

3. Buy the plopping hype!

When your hair’s damp, a leave-in is your friend. My fine, wavy hair prefers a foam product such as John Frieda Air Dry Waves. If the weather’s brutally cold and dry, I get my hands VERY wet to scrunch in a chickpea-size amount of Curl Enhancing Smoothie instead. If your hair is sproingy enough to handle a little more product weight, this stuff is great year-round. Apply your product using the Praying Hands method. Then, stick it up in a Turbie Twist for about 20 minutes. Then, shake and/or scrunch it out, and air dry. Seriously, just leave it alone and let it do its thing.

4. Protect it when you’re sleeping.

Next time it’s bedtime (or depression-nap time) spend 30 seconds protecting your hair first. A loose braid or two, with a scrunchie or cloth hair tie. A luxurious, silky pillowcase. All these things make it easier to wake up without a mess of frizz and knots. The fewer knots, the less to break off by combing and brushing, and the less time you have to spend making it look decent. I know the reality of chronic depression – I’ve seen friends have to cut hair off or use HOURS to detangle once they’re on the other side of an episode. Ounce of prevention, et cetera. I consider it a win when my morning hair routine consists of 1) unbraid, 2) flip over, shake out, and finger comb, and 3) hit the ends with a couple drops of pure almond oil.

5. Take your dang vitamins.

Especially if your depression is making it hard to eat real food like a grown-up. Not all hair and nail vitamins are created equal, so find a GOOD one. The Vitacost ones tick off my boxes for inexpensive and quality results. My nails aren’t peeling anymore, and my hair has a lot less breakage. For extra credit, choke down some coenzyme Q-10 and a regular women’s multivitamin while you’re at it. My fiance’s gotten me hooked on the gummy ones!

So, there you have it. Some of my secrets on the path to getting annoyingly, gloriously, long and strong hair. Now if only becoming a mermaid could magically make serotonin happen.

What are your winter hair goals?