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What, you thought it'd be enough to just love printing things on mugs and sharing your talent with the world? Too bad, you're now a character in someone else's story, and they need a compelling arc. Go back in your history. Maybe it was that rough breakup that started this, yes? Or maybe you had a religious experience once on a trip to India? No? Are you sure?

Think of it like America's Got Talent. You watch a 10-year-old kid warming up with some incredible gymnastics routine backstage, the music thumps, he high-fives everyone. Then the music suddenly slows and becomes soft and twinkly as we cut to the young boy sitting on a bench in a park. "My dad died in Afghanistan," he begins, and you know he's through to the next round. Emotional manipulation? Sure. This is what works, people. Here's some more helpful advice from Etsy, on what visuals to include with your publicity push:

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A headshot: This is a high-quality, professional portrait of you looking your best, where you're the center of the photo.

Your studio or workspace: Keep your space well-lit and tidy. Or if a workspace crammed with stuff is your vibe, make sure that it's artfully portrayed.

I'm not picking on Etsy here. They're saying this because it's true. It's 2018, and if you want to function in this economy, you need a personal brand. Recruiters actually pass people over if they don't have an online presence. We've been painted into a millennial pink corner where talent is simply not enough. And if baby boomers are offended by the color "millennial pink," I'd like to remind them that it was their generation that stuck linoleum over hardwood floors.