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WEST PALM BEACH — Following a live radio interview today, Texas Republican Senator Ted Cruz and host Rush Limbaugh immediately left the studio and went for lunch at a nearby Hooters but the restaurant refused the Senator’s government expense-account credit card and asked that the $53 tab be paid in cash.

That set Senator Cruz off according to media reports.

“He got the hiccups he was so mad,” Hooters’ assistant manager Kyle Lane told the Washington Post’s Ezra Klein.

After shouting at Hooters’ waitresses and management for an extended period, Cruz admitted he had no cash and was forced to borrow the money from a FOX News reporter.

“At first, the balding guy with the comb-over kinda bellowed that their lunch should be free because, like, didn’t we know who they were?” said Lane. “Free? Two beef dips extra gravy, basket of onion rings, fried jalapeno poppers, two cheesecakes, two jugs of beer and a diet Coke? No siree.”

“Then the guy with hair tried to pay with a Master Card that said U.S. Government on it…right after he’d been waving his arms around and bragging real loud about how he was single-handedly shutting down the whole U.S. I told ’em they needed good old American cash.”

Senator Cruz recently completed a 21-hour speech in Congress ostensibly about raising the federal debt ceiling but entirely focused on defunding the Affordable Care Act, better known as Obamacare. Failure to raise that spending figure will result in a shutdown of U.S. Government services, put more than 1 million federal workers on furlough immediately, halt pay for armed forces personnel, close National Parks, and reduce the hours at Congress’ Gym & Health Spa.

“This is ridiculous,” shouted Cruz, standing and jabbing his finger at Kimmie, the young single mother who had been his waitress. “The important business of government must go on even after I’ve shut down all the unimportant business of government. Show me some respect here. I deserve some damn respect here. Did Obama put you up to this? He did didn’t he?”

Senator Cruz and Mr. Limbaugh left the West Palm Beach Hooters after paying the $53 tab with the borrowed money.

He did not leave a tip according to Mr. Lane.

Dan L’Homme

Reportering for The Lapine

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