CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

With the outbreak of the new coronavirus spreading and news of how Australian politicians are responding changing every day, it can be hard to keep track of the latest information.

As at 6.00am on 17 March 2020, there have been 375 confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Australia – health officials say we are now at a point where no one knows where new cases have been contracted from.

Of the 375 confirmed cases in Australia, 27 have recovered and 5 have died from COVID-19.

189 cases were considered to be overseas acquired. Most of the overseas cases were acquired in the USA, Iran, Italy and the UK.

52 cases are contacts of previously confirmed cases.

Correctly washing your hands and maintaining social distance by avoiding large gatherings and close contact with people who are sick are two of the easiest ways to prevent the spread of COVID-19, health officials say.

Yuppies have also been advised to replace their trendy boutique handwash with something that actually destroys bacteria, rather than just making your skin smell nice.

This news has really hit home for one Byron Bay mother, Miley Hemsrudd (33) – who says on top of the very real fear of death and sickness, the bright neon colours of antibacterial soaps and hand sanitisers are going to make it a very long winter

“It’s just so… gahhh” says the mother of 5 only half-vaccinated little treasures.

As Miley points out to our reporters her off-white and charcoal varicose marble bench tops took months to decide upon, and were chose with the expectation that two bottles of Aesop pump wash would be sitting directly in the centre of it.

“I mean, I’ve got nothing against anyone who is taking coronavirus seriously… But is that the best we can do? Bright green Detoll?”

“Like, yeah. That’s gonna show up well on the gram.. NOT”

Our reporters asked if Miley had any alternatives to the ‘aesthetically unpleasing’ brands that are proven to work.

“I don’t know. I’m still in half a mind to think this is a bit of a beat up.. But now they are telling us to use hospital brands?”

“I’d almost take my chances with… Oh never mind… You Queenslanders wouldn’t get it”