The Last Airbender is getting remarkably bad reviews. When films are received this poorly, those with a morbid sense of curiosity are ask, "Why all the vitriol?" It's kind of like those Internet videos of people viewing other Internet videos, such as "Two Girls, One Cup," with the attitude of, "Oh, how bad could this really be?" before they eventually realize their error, make a ghastly face, and leave the room. To spare you this pain, we will attempt to answer any question you may have—and many that you likely won’t—about The Last Airbender.

Q: Is The Last Airbender the worst movie that you have ever seen?

A: Are you asking if it's the worst movie that I've seen including flipping through channels at three in the morning on television, or movies within movies, like Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season (a clip of which was nestled within Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and which actually looked decent)? Or just movies that involve my getting off of my couch, walking into an actual theater, and watching the entire thing?

Q: O.K., let me rephrase, is this the worst film you've seen that required your getting off of your couch, walking into an actual theater, and watching the entire thing?

A: Yes.

Q: Worse than Jonah Hex, really?

A: I really didn't think it was possible.

Q: Do you have something against M. Night Shyamalan?

A: On the contrary. I saw The Sixth Sense pretty early in its theatrical run and, like everyone else, I loved the film. I tried dragging pretty much everyone I knew to see it with me again. Not so much because it’s a great movie the second time through. More to just to hear “The Sound" the audience made when, collectively, everyone discovered that Bruce Willis had been dead since the opening scene of the film. (Wait, should I have put a spoiler alert there? Ah, too late.) I loved Unbreakable. For Christ's sake, I even liked Signs. So, no, I have nothing against Mr. Shyamalan.

Q: What's an Airbender?

A: Someone who can control the wind by doing some sort of Pilates-like body movements. There are also Waterbenders, Firebenders, and Earthbenders.

Q: Why is there only one Airbender left?

A: Because of something called the Avatar, who can control all four elements, and who is going to be reincarnated among the Airbenders. The Firebenders, no fan of the Avatar, wipe out the Airbenders before Aang is discovered to be the Avatar. (He wasn't home when the genocide took place).

Q: Which is the coolest element to bend?

A: I would say air, because you can create things like tornadoes. Water is, by far, the lamest. (It so happens that the entire film, which I guess is intended to be the first of a franchise, focuses on water). It's kind of like the power possessed by the lame Wonder Twin, Zan, on Super Friends. His sister, Jayna, could turn into any animal she desired. Zan, could only ever morph into something lame like an icy slide.

Q: So the only Airbender they didn't kill turns out to be the Avatar?

A: Unfortunately. If they had gotten him, it would have been a much shorter film.

Q: It does sound like there's a pretty cool story in there, somewhere.

A: Yeah, you would think, right? Fans of the animated version would agree with you.

Q: Speaking of the animated version, wasn't it called, Avatar: The Last Airbender? Why did they change the title?

A: Obviously so it wouldn't be confused with the 2004 film, Avatar, starring David Warner from Tron. I've been told there's another film of the same name that came out in 2009.