Chapter 29 – The Weight of Snow

The journey back to Arendelle took over six hours, including a short rest break for the horses and a meal for the party. Talk was thin in the carriage, for Fenris had curled up in a corner and fallen asleep. Anna and Elsa sat next to each other, occasionally holding hands, holding arms, touching each other on the knee. They listened to what conversation did take place between Synneva, Kai and Gerda; light topics concerning the resumption of their duties when back at the palace.

For Elsa, the closer she got to her home, the worse she felt. She was just beginning to realize what a blessing the chalet had been, what a precious bubble had been created for Anna and herself, and how everything would now change. She glanced over at Anna, who was looking out of the window with a thoughtful frown on her face, and wondered what Anna was thinking. If they had been alone, she would have asked. For all her fire and outspokenness, Anna could be remarkably remote.

Elsa did not want to disturb Anna's thoughts, so she looked out of the window as well, and quietly mused on what would likely happen next.

The terrain got more familiar as they drew closer to Arendelle. Elsa was suddenly shocked to realize how little she knew of her own kingdom. Studying maps in the library was far different than experiencing her realm in person. Once again a flash of anger at her uncle Agnarr passed through her. She allowed the feeling to surface, and then the feeling dissipated again. There was no time to think of the past, how things could have been different. But there was time to think of the future, and how she could change it and make it better.

And then there it was. The fjord was sparkling and bright in the summer light. Flags and pennants on the castle turrets made slow whipping motions in the inconstant breeze. The procession made its way through the village, and Elsa could hear the occasional cry of a citizen as they noticed the Queen's return. When they pulled into the forecourt of the castle, Elsa was pleased to see it practically deserted. Had the palace servants urged her curious people away, telling them that now was not the time to celebrate the return of the Queen and Princess?

Not even Kristoff or Olaf were here to greet them. Elsa was secretly glad.

Though she had done nothing but sit in the carriage for the past six hours, Elsa felt exhausted. She disembarked from the carriage and looked up, up into the large casement windows that showed her study. Her crown awaited her.

She felt a hand on her arm, and she turned to look at Synneva Avundir.

The falling afternoon sunlight was almost harsh on her aunt's worn face. Elsa's heart clanged with affection and a shade of remorse. Synneva had sacrificed so much for Elsa. The chalet should have brought her healing as well, but it did not. She spent all her healing on Elsa alone.

"This is where I take my leave, Majesty," Synneva quietly said. She started to bow, but Anna was beside them in a flash, her hand on Synneva's arm.

"We owe our lives to you, Synneva Avundir," Anna said, her voice low and fierce. "You have sacrificed so much for us. Have I not told you, you will not bow?"

Anna kissed Synneva's cheeks, and then her forehead. Elsa did likewise.

And then both young women curtsied to Synneva Avundir.

The forecourt was nearly completely silent, and as Elsa looked about her, she could see everyone staring at them. They would never have seen these kisses, not done so publicly. Elsa's heart swelled in admiration for Anna, for Anna's insight.

Synneva's eyes shone like diamonds. "Once again, you honour me too greatly."

"We would honour you even more," Elsa replied. "Speak your wish, and it would not be denied."

"Then I would wish not to wait until Anna's next mishap before seeing you again," Synneva replied, her voice quiet enough not to carry very far in the resuming bustle of the courtyard. "I would wish to see you both more often than in the days before the coronation."

"Hey!" Anna protested. "Who says there always has to be a mishap?"

Both Synneva and Elsa looked at Anna, eyebrows raised.

"Okay, okay," Anna huffed. "It's me, there will be mishaps."

Elsa took Anna's arm and softly squeezed it before looking back at Sera Avundir. "I promise not to throw Anna at a suit of armour just for an excuse to see you again, Synneva. Our doors are open to you, as are our hearts."

Synneva smiled for them before taking her leave. Elsa and Anna stood there for a moment longer, watching her go. Elsa longed to hold Anna's hand, but she didn't. "To think that she was there, all along," Anna mused. "She was always part of everything, and we never knew it."

"Makes you think, doesn't it?" Elsa agreed. "All these people around us, all their histories, who else is connected to us and we don't even know it?"

Elsa looked at the small crowd of people, their servants, their guards. Their faces had become familiar, but the universes inside them were still secret and hidden. Was this part of her duty as well, to at least anticipate the desires and needs of her people, and to fulfill them to the best of her ability? What did it really mean to be their Queen?

Anna looked at her for a moment, and then shook her head. "I'm too tired and hungry for deep thoughts, Elsa. Take me home."

"Yes, dearest. I will."

And she did.

…

Nightfall.

Anna had been refining her plan all that long and tiring day. There had been plenty of quiet time for musing about the crystal rings and the best way to tell Elsa about them. She had almost spilled the news during their most amazing day of lovemaking yesterday, but a secret wish had restrained her tongue.

She wanted to tell Elsa about them here, in Arendelle. Where their 'normal' lives would resume. She wanted to prove to Elsa that she was going to love her just as much in the castle as she had in the chalet. So she kept the secret of the magic rings from crossing her tongue.

The coach ride had gone on and on, and ever she had held Elsa's hand, and ever she had thought. Thinking of the rings often brought her thoughts back to yesterday, and then she had to wipe those thoughts from her mind. She didn't need her cheeks to blush, or for throbbing heat to appear in places that could not be satisfied. She even congratulated herself on her mental prowess, as time and again she thought only of the rings, and not of the warm rainlight on Elsa's naked skin or the beautiful cries that had come from Elsa's mouth.

But now they were home again. And home was wonderful, because for the first time in their lives, they were home, they were together, and they were fully and completely in love with each other. In the hallways they were the royal sisters, but behind closed doors they were lovers.

They had eaten, they had bathed, and now they prepared for bed. They were in Elsa's bedchamber, and how wonderful it was to replace her previous memories of loneliness and despair with these lovely moments of simple talk and communion while Elsa brushed out her hair and then rubbed her shoulders.

"You've been quiet tonight, honey," Elsa said as her cool fingers worked at the muscles of Anna's shoulders. She gently massaged the place where she had injured Anna with her magic, though those marks were now completely gone.

"There's a lot on my mind," Anna admitted. Brief terror overcame her as she wondered if Elsa would want to know what she was thinking, and if she was ready to share all her thoughts. Elsa paused in her rubbing, and Anna looked at the mirror to see Elsa's reflection.

Elsa's face was thoughtful and lovely, the thin scars on her cheek barely catching the lamplight. "I once told Synneva something that I think I should tell you," Elsa replied as she slowly resumed rubbing. "She said she was getting ready to tell me all her secrets, but then I told her to stop. A woman's heart needs her shadow, her secrecy, and her privacy. I love you so much, Anna, but I do not ask you to tell me absolutely everything, either. Though I know I have some small claim on your heart, it is your own. And I trust you. You may share, or you may stay silent, and I will trust you either way."

There was a strange and almost wild depth to Elsa's words about trust, and Anna wondered why.

So Anna turned in her chair and reached up with her hand, and then tugged Elsa down to sit on her lap. "That is one of the most incredible things I've ever heard," she replied. "I know you've been curious, maybe even worried, about my conversation with Kristoff that day. I'm almost ready to share it, Elsa. Almost."

"I meant what I said. Take what time you need, Anna. I do trust you. And I'm not going anywhere."

"No, you aren't," Anna said, and then she wrapped her arms around Elsa and gave her a warm kiss.

One kiss led to another. Then to disrobing, and the discovery of just how comfortable Elsa's bed was. Just how wonderful it was to make love to each other here, in their own home, surrounded by all their things. Could there be any greater way to start again, to celebrate all that had come before, and to promise of the life to come?

As Anna held Elsa afterward, their bodies soft and fulfilled, she knew there was one more way to prove her devotion, to pledge her faith and her future to the woman she loved. Anna just wanted to get it right. She wanted it to be perfect.

Elsa fell asleep in her arms, and for a very long time Anna watched her sleep.

She was so lovely.

And then the aurora began to dance across the black velvet sky, as the universe itself responded to Anna's unspoken plea for inspiration. The sky was awake. And laughing. And joyous.

It was time.

…

"Psst, Elsa! Wake up."

"Mmm."

"Elsa!"

"Anna. Go back to sleep."

"Not a chance."

Anna's voice finally began to pierce the depth of Elsa's sleep. The hand gently shaking her naked shoulder also helped. Then that hand stroked Elsa's hair, held her chin, and kissed her cheek. Elsa roused herself enough to turn into that kiss, to invite Anna to kiss her again on the mouth.

Anna obliged. And when the kiss was done, Elsa opened her eyes.

Anna must have struck a lamp, for she was lit by lamplight and ambient moonlight. Anna's eyes were practically dancing with merriment and excitement, and the sight of it struck Elsa with almost physical force. This was the Anna of her childhood, before the years of isolation that had been imposed upon them, and how glad she was to see that this Anna still existed somewhere within the older soul.

"Okay, I'm up. What's going on? Why are you grinning like that?"

"I want you to come somewhere with me."

"You mean leave this warm and cozy bedroom where we can be naked together, just to go somewhere that requires clothing and being awake? And most likely being watched and guarded as well?"

"Come on, Elsa, where's your sense of adventure?"

"You want adventure, I'll give you adventure," Elsa replied, with a wicked chuckle.

Of course she was going to get up and go where Anna wanted, but it was so incredibly fun to tease her. Elsa had to be Miss Prim and Proper and all Queen-like with everyone else but Anna.

"Ooh, what kind of adventure were you thinking of?" Anna replied, sitting up straighter in their bed.

Elsa shifted on her side so that the sheet fell off her hip, exposing part of a creamy thigh. She ran her hand over Anna's crossed legs, up towards her center. Though her eyes were hooded, she could easily see Anna lick her lips and open her mouth to breathe. "I have been curious about something," Elsa drawled. "For example, how it might feel to have you pinned up against the wall while I ravage you."

Anna's mouth fell slightly open, and a blush covered her cheeks. "Wow, forget my idea."

"Uh uh, Anna. Now I'm curious. Where did you want to go?"

"I'll tell you when we get there," Anna smirked.

"Fine. Your wish is my command."

"Thanks, Els." Anna leaned forward and kissed Elsa. It appeared she had every intention of making it a short peck, but Elsa would have none of that. She grabbed Anna's face, holding her in place, and kissed her hard and deep, her tongue running over Anna's lips before slipping inside her mouth.

Anna suddenly pushed her back against the pillow, still taking so much care with Elsa's aching shoulder, and kissed her again. Then she laughed against Elsa's open mouth and pulled away. "God, Elsa, you're insatiable. And I love it. Now get up. I want to show you something."

Elsa huffed as Anna got off their bed, grabbed a green dress from the closet, and disappeared behind the dressing screen. Elsa yawned and slid out of bed. The moment she was standing, she waved her wrist and her favourite blue ice dress with its cape appeared, along with icy low heels for her feet.

"No fair!" she heard Anna softly call from behind the dressing screen.

"I could have made one for you, too, Anna."

"S'okay. I can totally handle this. Stupid bodice."

Elsa grinned and walked to the dressing table with its mirror. She pulled her hair out of her sleeping braid, brushed it again, and was re-plaiting it when Anna came out from behind the screen. It was one of Elsa's favourite dresses for Anna to wear, and she looked absolutely lovely.

Wait.

"Did you even sleep at all, Anna? Your hair is… normal."

Anna stuck her tongue out at Elsa and replied, "No, I didn't fall asleep. I was watching you sleep. I was thinking."

A sharp fist of worry suddenly landed in Elsa's gut, which she just as sharply set aside. Anna was allowed to think things. Even things regarding Kristoff and his visit.

She wasn't sure if she kept her face clear of her emotion, though, because Anna looked concerned. "Thinking, or scheming?" Elsa was able to say.

"Ooh, scheming is a good word. I like me some scheming."

"Your grasp on grammar is impeccable," Elsa replied, finally able to return to their banter and teasing tone. She finished braiding her hair and turned to face Anna. "There, am I presentable?"

"You're always presentable. I'd hate you for it if I didn't love you so much. Other people can look, but only I can touch," Anna said, and she proceeded to do so, coming right up into Elsa's once all-protective bubble. She ran her hand into Elsa's hair and kissed her rather hard.

Elsa was breathless when Anna was done. Once again she had no desire to leave their bedroom, but then Anna flounced away to peer into the mirror and touch up her own hair.

"You are such a tease," Elsa said, exasperated.

"Good thing you love me," Anna called back, tucking the few wayward strands of hair back into her braids.

Then she strode to the bedside table to pick up the leather pouch with the heart of the earth, and slipped it into her pocket instead of putting it around her neck. She put on her shoes and smoothed down her dress.

Then she stood by the door, and held her hand out to Elsa. "Ready?" she asked.

"Yes," Elsa replied. She walked up to her, and took her hand.

Anna urged them out of the door and into the darkened hallway. Fenris Ulafsson was standing at his post, six feet away from the Queen's bedchamber door. He straightened when he saw them emerge, and without a single word took two steps forward. Anna nodded once and inclined her head up the hallway.

Elsa watched all this with immense warmth and affection in her heart. Anna then took her arm, and they slowly walked down the long corridor, their hips swaying in perfect symphony as they moved. The hallway was quite dark, but both of them knew these halls very well.

These halls had been their universe, the bounded constellations of their lives.

At the junction at the end of the hall, Anna took a right, and Elsa suddenly had a very strong idea of where Anna was taking her.

They did not speak as they made their way to the base of the bell tower. Anna went first, holding Elsa's hand, and Elsa followed her up the stone steps. She couldn't really remember the night she fled from her nightmares and exposed them both to the cold. But Elsa did remember the night she came up here, with Fenris as her guard, to play her magic to the tune of the aurora.

It was wonderful to come up here with Anna. To have new memories to strengthen the old.

They were only slightly out of breath as they emerged onto the stone parapet at the top of the tower. The great bell was housed under its own slate roof, and the balcony surrounded it on all sides. The side of the balcony that faced the forecourt of the castle also held the clock.

So they stood upon the balcony that faced the village and the fjord, and Fenris stood at the very edge of the balcony by the stairs. They stood hand in hand and merely looked at their kingdom while the lights of the aurora continued to sway above them. Most of the village was dark, though several inns still had lights on in the common rooms. Ships in the harbour also had their pilot lights burning. Midnight leached most of the kingdom of its colour, swathing it in grey veils of gauze, though the waning moon provided a bit of life and light.

And Elsa once again blessed the insight of her dearest Anna. To bring her up here on the night of their return to Arendelle, so that they might look on their kingdom together; it filled her heart with hope and even anticipation. What might it be like to rule this kingdom with Anna at her side?

"This is our kingdom, Anna," Elsa quietly said, squeezing Anna's hand.

Anna looked at her, and her face was filled with emotion almost too complex for words. Elsa could see hope and worry and anticipation. And love. Always so much love.

"Elsa, there's a conversation I've been meaning to have with you," Anna started to say, speaking softly for the sake of privacy. A flash of terror briefly passed through the Queen, but she stilled it as fast as she could, for Anna was still speaking. "I might not get all the words right, but it's too important not to try. Let me try to get it out, and then ask as many questions as you need to, okay?"

Elsa nodded.

"I could tell that you've been a bit concerned after my conversation with Kristoff that day. First of all, you should know something. He did not come to confess his love to me, or to try and break us apart. Quite the opposite, in fact. For starters, he's been seeing a girl in town, who works at the stables at the Queen's Blessing."

Elsa's spirit suddenly felt ten times lighter. She let the relief show somewhat on her face.

Anna smiled for her and continued. "I thought so. Toss all those worries out the proverbial window, Elsa. I'm yours. Got it?"

Elsa swallowed and said, "Got it."

"Good. Now. The actual purpose of Kristoff's visit. This is the part I might not get right." Her hand was in her pocket, playing with the leather pouch. She even started chewing on her lower lip in concentration.

"Say anything, Anna," Elsa finally said, when the pause drew long. "We'll work it out, I promise."

"I just really want to say this right. I've been thinking all day about it."

"What is right?" Elsa said softly. "What is wrong? You are my Anna, complete with armour accidents and spilling lemonade and knocking off Olaf's arms. I wouldn't have you any other way."

Anna flashed a smile at her, took a deep breath and said, "Okay. Here it is, then. Kristoff and I parted badly the day I returned to the chalet. I was angry. My head was full of what Grand Pabbie had said. When he asked to escort me to the chalet, I basically told him to take a long walk off a short pier, him and his entire stinking troll family.

"I regretted it later, of course, but I didn't tell him that. But he's got a bigger heart than either of us realize, Elsa. He went his mom, and he asked Bulda to make something for us."

Anna pulled out the pouch with the heart of the earth. Confusion was a cloud in Elsa's mind, and all she could do was wait while Anna fished inside it.

Anna pulled something out of the pouch and put it in her fist. "I'm not being deliberately vague, I promise, honey," she said as she kept the item hidden in her palm. She looked away for a moment, and Elsa had to sharply rein in her impatience.

When Anna looked back at her, her face was alight but pensive. "July 16. The day you made me armour. The day you asked me to co-rule Arendelle with you, and you put a shard of Hans' sword in my palm. That was the last day we thought we were sisters. That was the day absolutely everything changed."

Elsa slowly nodded. That day was written on her face, on her chest and her arm.

"You told me something that day, words I've thought of a million times since then. You said you would give me more, if you could. That you would make me your partner in every part of your life. Is this still true, Elsa? Do you still mean what you said that day, with everything that has happened since?"

Elsa wasn't sure what Kristoff or Bulda had to do with what she had told Anna that day, but she resolved to answer Anna's question with all honesty.

"Yes, Anna," she replied. "I meant it then, and that hasn't changed. I would make you mine. I would become yours. We would be together in every part of our lives."

She saw a shiver tumble over Anna's skin as she spoke, and her eyes filled with light. "I had hoped you would say that," Anna softly said. "But tell me the truth now, Elsa. The truth, no matter if it hurts. Do you really think that there is any chance we could get married to each other?"

Elsa's heart leaped at the thought. It had skirted the edges of her consciousness for the past several weeks, ever since learning that Anna was her cousin and not her sister.

But then the dark underbelly of that thought reared up, and she told the truth, as bitter as that truth was.

"Sweetheart, I don't think so. Same-sex relationships are tolerated, but not condoned, and certainly not celebrated. For the Queen and Princess, the heads of state, the rulers of a kingdom, as much as it breaks my heart to say so, I don't think there is a chance."

Her voice broke on the words. Sadness wrenched her throat to say them aloud. To taste their bitterness on her tongue. To give them form and vibration. To acknowledge yet another dream that could never come true.

Anna lifted her plastered wrist and gently touched Elsa on the cheek with her warm fingers. Her eyes were gleaming, but there was no despair in them. "I think the same, honey. Not now, at least. There is just too much to work through: our true identities, the reality of the huntsman, and your destiny to confront him. But if we cannot be officially together in the eyes of the church, the courts, and this land we rule, then at least we can make our own promises to each other."

Hope rose in Elsa's heart. She watched as Anna finally opened her palm to reveal two identical crystal rings.

Elsa caused her dress to shine a little brighter, so she could better see them, and she openly stared at them. They were delicate yet looked strong, and each had a core of gold twining with platinum.

They were perfect.

Anna's smile was so soft, so generous, as Elsa beheld the rings for the first time. "Bulda made these for us, a gift from the trolls, at Kristoff's request. Kristoff brought them to me that day. He told me that he's not in love with me anymore. He said that he hopes we have a lifetime together. He owes so much to us, and he wants us to be happy.

"But there's more, Elsa," she said, reacting to the surprise plainly written on Elsa's face. "These rings are magic, honey. We will go to see Bulda together, and she'll bind these rings to us and to each other. When the spell is done, we'll be able to sense each other. No matter how far apart we are. No matter what is going on. These rings will connect us, forever."

Elsa opened her mouth in astonishment as hope cascaded through her soul, so bright she almost expected it to flow from her very skin.

The benefits of these rings were all too clear. Though she had no idea what kind of path lay before them, what they would both endure before confronting the huntsman, she knew it would not be easy. There would be times of loss, of separation. There would be danger, and uncertainty.

And these rings would soften all blows. They would create a lifeline between Elsa and her beloved girl. They would be hope, when all hope was fragile and thin.

Oh, yes, she understood the gift of these rings. The depth of them, their incredible worth.

Elsa's eyes sparked again with tears.

She watched, her eyes wide, her spirit soaring, her heart thrumming joyously in her chest, as Anna tenderly lifted Elsa's right hand.

And then Anna slid one of the rings on the third finger of Elsa's right hand, looking into Elsa's eyes the entire time, her lips so soft with devotion, her eyes gleaming with truth and hope.

And when the ring had slid to its place on Elsa's hand, Anna lifted that ring, and kissed it.

Speaking not a word, Elsa reached for the other ring. She took it in a hand that slightly shook with feeling, and then gently slid it onto the third finger of Anna's right hand.

Then she lifted that hand to her lips, and kissed the ring.

And then, holding Anna's hand, she reached with her other hand to caress Anna's face. With her thumb she wiped away a tear that had trickled down Anna's cheek. Then she leaned forward and kissed her.

There, under the waving lights of the aurora, upon the bell tower that overlooked the village and fjord, Elsa kissed her Anna. The kiss was slow, unhurried, as if they had nothing else in their future but the prospect of this love. The kiss was their unspoken vow, a promise to each other that was too deep for words.

And when the kiss was done, they held each other close, under the aurora, under the waning moon.

Elsa had never felt contentment quite like this. To have Anna so completely confess her feelings, to know that Kristoff was now and forever out of the picture, and to have a beautifully real symbol of their devotion to each other upon their hands. The joy nearly made her head spin and her heart take flight.

No destiny, no fate could take this moment from them. This was theirs alone. Their journey to this moment had been so perilous, yet so incredibly beautiful. Elsa could scarcely think of the day Anna first saved her life on the ice, how far they had come since Synneva had first told them of Anna's irregular heart rhythm. Falling in love, falling ill, falling in love again, falling victim to hidden truths, men and wolves, only to finally land.

Right here. Right now.

"Oh, my Anna," she breathed into Anna's ear. "I love you so much. Oh, pet, you're mine forever. No matter what happens."

Anna pulled away just slightly, so she could look into Elsa's eyes. Her body felt so perfect against Elsa's. Oh, if only they could be together forever!

"We don't know what the future holds for us, Elsa," Anna said, her voice soft yet ringing with conviction. "We know there will be hard times ahead. We will pass through fire and worse. I can't ask you to forget the future, to set aside our fate. But I will ask this, Elsa. Let it have no more weight than snow."

...

Fin

...

It's been my pleasure bringing you this story. For everyone who has invested their time and energy into reading it, I do thank you. For everyone who has also taken a moment to share their thoughts and comments, I thank you as well. I admit that I have been a bit discouraged by the number of negative comments lately. However, no comment, whether positive or negative, can undo this achievement. This story is complete, after a large hiatus in the middle, and that, for me, is accomplishment enough.

For those who care to know how the story turned out the way it did, it is because this story was a bit of an experiment for me. I wrote it entirely by the seat of my pants. What I mean is that I had no outline. I had no real idea of what was going to happen next. I wrote each scene fully and completely in the moment, following the deepest whim of my heart. Because each chapter is uploaded serially, there was a strict need to try and keep to what had already been set down. I couldn't go back and change things that had occurred chapters ago. This was a learning curve for me, and a bit of a challenge as well, to keep to the integrity of my own story, with its history and mythology.

I experienced great joy and fulfillment while writing this story. I felt driven and inspired. I loved my characters, their quirks and their histories. And if you have experienced only a fraction of what I experienced while writing, then I am glad to have shared it with you. It's not easy sharing creative work. It leaves you vulnerable, open to both praise and criticism. But I hope you know this. No matter what people say, I am glad to have had this experience. To write boldly, to experiment with working without an outline, and to complete at least part of the arc of this story.

Thank you for joining me.

On a more grounded note, I have finished outlining the sequel to this story (I do work with outlines as often as not). It will be called, "The Depth of Fire". It will complete the arc of Elsa, Anna, and the huntsman. To be honest, I'm not sure now if I will write it. I have many demands on my time, and I'm honestly not sure of the interest of my readers. If the story of my Anna and Elsa still interests you, just send me a note and let me know.

All comments and reviews are appreciated.

With love and well wishes from Prague.