I Am a Pacific Northwest Man on Tinder and I Will Die If I Go Indoors

Guy, 35

💼 Chief Outdoor Officer at World

🎓 University of Phoenix (Outdoor Campus)

📍Distance Unknown

Just a fun-loving PNW guy and fresh-air junkie seeking extreme ADVENTURE!!!!! And a partner, I guess, but please know that I am ethically non-monogamous and already getting it in with Mother Nature.

I love hiking, climbing, biking, trike-ing, snowboarding, sandboarding, kayaking, canoeing, extreme canoeing, free-form floating, running, reverse running, backpacking, frontpacking, surfing, fishing (with reel), fishing (with bare hands), skiing, camping, naked camping, paddle boarding, waterboarding (non-torturous), mountain scaling, hill rolling, dangling, ice dangling, tindering (starting a fire), Tindering (while going to the bathroom in a hole I dug), stargazing, extreme stargazing, canyoning, heavy breathing, bear chasing, snorkeling, drunk snorkeling, dog sledding, big-cat sledding, barebacking dolphins, getting lost in the woods, being the reason for a search party, bathing in the elements, chasing the sun, howling at the moon, frenching the sea, talking dirty to the Milky Way, and making (consensual) love to the earth.

I will literally die if I go indoors.

“Being inside” is for the weak, the tired, the cold, the hungry, the “people with homes,” the “quaints.” I’m not interested in those who cozy up with Netflix or enjoy going to restaurants or movies. Everything you could possibly need to survive, thrive, and entertain yourself exists in The Great Outdoors. You like sitting down on a comfortable couch? Gross. You like buying groceries in a store? Disgusting. If I am not constantly in some situation under the sun where my life is potentially in danger, I’m not about it. I get off on adrenaline. And nature. (Sorry to the wildflowers I covered in semen.) Swipe left if “indoor plumbing,” “slow heart rates,” “reliable Wi-Fi,” or “professional opportunities” are your thing.

You’re probably thinking: How does one even exist without ever entering a building/store/bathroom? Well, that’s simple. I’m resourceful AF and I poop wherever I feel like it. Just as Mother intended.

I’m also currently working on a Patagonia sponsorship, but they asked me to come in for a meeting, and I will die if I do that.

My first three profile pics are from epic outdoor activities which showcase a level of fitness you couldn’t even begin to rival. The next three pics are of the exact same thing. The next one is a total thirst trap, which means something different when you’re just dehydrated all the time. The last photo is of a mountain that really gets me fired the fuck up. My face is blurry in each shot because I am Always. In. Motion.

As a side note, I was recently forced to go indoors when I tried challenging an orca to a race in Puget Sound in the middle of February, but after entering the E.R., only part of me died. (My soul.) However, camping out behind the hospital that night really restored my terrestrial energy.

Hit me up if you have an adventurous spirit or a place I could crash. 🙏