In a recent statement from his Creation Museum office, Ken Ham blasted God for “not taking the Bible seriously and undermining its authority.”

“Only someone with liberal leanings would write a Bible like this,” Ham exploded. “Placing next to each other in the Old Testament two blatantly contradictory histories of Israel [1 Samuel-2 Kings and 1 and 2 Chronicles] is nothing less than an all-out attack on the integrity of God’s inerrant word.”

“Think about it. The transition of power from David to Solomon can’t be filled with political conspiracy and be smooth as silk, yet there we have it, clear as day.” [1 Kings 1-2; 1 Chronicles 23:1]

“We can harmonize some of this, but not all. And that’s a problem. Only a God willing to compromise on God’s word would write something like this.”

Ham’s concerns with how God wrote the Bible are not limited to the two histories of Israel.

“Once you start reading the Pentateuch, you get a clearer picture of God’s unbiblical agenda,” Ham alerted his followers.

“Just look at the laws. In Exodus God says to roast the Passover lamb and definitely not boil it. In Deuteronomy God says to boil it. In Chronicles God says to roast and boil the Passover meat. This is nothing less than a blatant liberal attack on the Bible.” [Exodus 12:8-9; Deuteronomy 16:7-8; 2 Chronicles 35:13]

“And what about keeping Israelite slaves? In Exodus and Deuteronomy God says Israelites can be slaves and they have the option to go free after 6 years. In Leviticus God says we’re not even allowed to have Israelite slaves, only foreign ones.” [Exodus 21:2-11; Deuteronomy 15:12-18; Leviticus 25:39-43]

“Sex with a menstruating woman? God says in Leviticus two different things about that: go ahead but you’ll be unclean for 7 days and absolutely not, and if you do you’ll be ‘cut off’ from your people, because that sort of thing is in the same category as having sex with your sister or aunt.” [Leviticus 15:24 and 20:18]

Ham laments that some are unwilling to take such a “bold stand,” but “there can be no compromise where the Bible is concerned, no matter how revered and popular the leader might be.”

In fact, Ham continues, “I’m just scratching the surface at how unbiblical God’s view of the Bible is,” and warns his followers to beware of the Almighty Creator as “a wolf in sheep’s clothing, spreading error among true Christians.”

Ham did, however, encourage his followers to “pray for God” as well as for him as he carries on God’s work.

[For the humor-deficient among you, no such statement as the above was made by Ham. I made it up. It’s satire. I’m joking.

My point here, through the use of absurd humor, is that the view of Scripture that serves as the basis for Ham’s ever-ready denunciations of those who disagree with him on matters of science, etc. is a view that Scripture itself cannot bear.