ASHEVILLE, NC—Saying it refused to be pigeonholed by widespread misconceptions about its condition, the mental illness of area man Greg Luger told reporters Tuesday that it was determined not to let the societal stigma associated with the 31-year-old define it. “There’s always been a lot of shame associated with Greg,” said Luger’s depressive disorder, adding that until now, it had spent its entire life actively trying to hide the fact that it suffers from Greg and convincing itself that Greg was just a symptom of its own weakness. “When people find out that I’m struggling with Greg, they perceive me differently. And, look, I get it—if you don’t suffer from Greg, it can be hard to understand something that does. But just because I have this one serious problem doesn’t mean I want to be pitied or avoided. I was born with Greg, but I’m more than him. Much, much more.” At press time, a boost in medication dosage was making Greg marginally easier to cope with.

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