"What?" you ask, momentarily distracted. The snake hits the wall and dies. You swear at the computer.

* [[Hit retry on instinct|playignore]]

* [[Blame girlfriend]]

* [[Apologise to girlfriend]]

No point fighting it. That shit was clearly left here for you to eat.

* [[Eat the shit]]

You briefly think about how annoying that last death was.



You can't stop thinking about Shit Snake.



You have an overwhelming urge to go back to the computer to play Shit Snake.

* [[Return to the computer]]

No. You're better than this. You're smarter than this. You're an intelligent man and you can make intelligent decisions.

* [[Do a doo-doo|defecate]]

You make a conscious decision not to eat the shit. Part of you wonders why that decision should be necessary: are you concerned you have a suppressed desire to eat shit? Well it shall remain suppressed if so. There's definitely no way you're going to eat that shit.

* [[Definitely don't eat that shit|Definitely dont eat that shit]]

The door slams shut at the same time that the snake hits its tail and dies.

* [[Go after your girlfriend|Go after her]]

* [[Swear|Shit]]

(not final version unless I never get around to making a final version)



You are playing [[Shit Snake|http://www.draknek.org/games/shitsnake/]]. <<set $sucky = false>> <<set $pooping = true>> <<set $x = 2>> <<set $y = 2>>



<<display goingright>>

You deftly avoid the wall and are maneuvering towards some shit when the screen goes dark. She's pulled out the power!



You look at her. She's crying and trembling and oh so angry. You panic.

* [[Run away|Storm out]]

You walk back inside, trying very hard not to think about shit. The reality of what just happened starts to sink in.

* [[Swear|Shit]]

You get up to go over to the bed, when the game over screen pops up.



<<if $sucky>>

You really didn't do very well. Maybe you should try again.

<<else>>

You were three points away from beating your high score!

<<endif>>

* [[Go back to playing Shit Snake|play2]]

* [[Apologise to girlfriend]]

At this point you've played so much Shit Snake that eating the shit seems like a perfectly reasonable option. What else would you do with it?

* [[I guess you could maybe sculpt with it?|sculpt]]

* [[No, eating is the only option here|no must eat]]

You find it odd that she didn't ask what shit snake was in the first place. "You should ask what shit snake is."



She doesn't laugh. In fact, she runs out and slams the door, like in some dramatic fashion or something like that.

* [[Go after her]]

* [[Swear|Shit]]

You try to resist the urge to eat the shit. Sounds pretty easy, but for some reason you're having difficulty with it. You realise that by not choosing not to eat the shit, you've implicitly accepted that actually you're just fine with eating shit.

* [[Eat some chocolate to distract yourself]]

* [[Maybe you should eat the shit|Continue to not eat the shit]]

<<set $x = $x - 1>> <<if $x lt 1>>

<<display "wallcrash">>

<<else>><<if ($x eq 2) and ($pooping)>><<display "Why no bed">><<else>>

<<if $y eq 1>><<display "pickup">>

<<endif>> The snake is moving left. <<if not $pooping>>The bright red pill is above you.<<endif>> <<if $x eq 1>>The snake is going to crash into a wall unless you do something. <<if $y eq 1>>There is also a wall above you.<<endif>> <<if $y eq 3>>There is also a wall below you.<<endif>> <<endif>>

* [[Do nothing|goingleft]]

* [[Turn left|goingdown]]

* [[Turn right|goingup]]

<<endif>><<endif>>

The snake is moving right. There is a bright red pill above you and a wall below you.

* [[Do nothing|playignore1]]

* [[Turn left|playignore2]]

* [[Turn right|wallcrash2]]

"Of course I am, baby," you reply. The snake hits the wall and dies. You swear at the computer.

* [[Hit retry on instinct|playignore]]

* [[Blame girlfriend]]

* [[Apologise to girlfriend]]

Maybe playing all that Shit Snake has left you with a subconscious desire to eat shit.



Well, it doesn't matter. You've already made the decision not to eat it, and you have very strong willpower.

* [[Continue to not eat the shit]]

You turn from the computer, the game briefly forgotten in your righteous anger.



"You've never shown any interest in my hobbies; you don't give a shit about videogames. And I don't think you give a shit about me either."

* [["Maybe you should just go"|Maybe you should just go]]

* [[Storm out]]

"This isn't just any game. This is Shit Snake!" you tell her, putting all your enthusiasm into the name.



She doesn't laugh, instead choosing to remain sobbing. You get the feeling that she doesn't quite understand.

* [["You should ask what shit snake is"|You should ask what shit snake is]]

* [[Apologise to her|Apologise to girlfriend]]

<<if not $pooping>>The snake eats the bright red pill and immediately starts leaving a trail of diarrhea in its wake. <<set $pooping = true>><<endif>>

<<set $y = $y - 1>> <<if $y lt 1>>

<<display "wallcrash">>

<<else>><<if ($y eq 2) and ($pooping)>><<display "Why no bed">><<else>>

<<if ($y eq 1) and ($x eq 2)>> <<display "pickup">>

<<endif>><<if not $pooping>>The snake is moving up. <<if $y eq 1>><<if $x eq 1>>The bright red pill is to your right. <<else>>The bright red pill is to your left. <<endif>><<else>>The snake is moving towards the bright red pill. <<endif>> <<else>> The snake is moving up. <<endif>> <<if $y eq 1>>The snake is going to crash into a wall unless you do something. <<if $x eq 1>>There is also a wall to your left.<<endif>> <<if $x eq 3>>There is also a wall to your right.<<endif>> <<endif>>

* [[Do nothing|goingup]]

* [[Turn left|goingleft]]

* [[Turn right|goingright]]

<<endif>><<endif>>

Maybe this is all just a dream, or some extremely poor simulation of reality. There's no way she could have gone out of sight in the time it took you to get to the door, let alone done her business on the doorstep. Clearly strange powers are at work; you can only hope these powers are benevolent.



You suddenly feel an almost uncontrollable urge to eat the shit.

* [[Try to resist the urge|Resist the urge]]

* [[Accept your fate]]

The door slams shut at the same time that the snake hits the wall and dies.

* [[Go after your girlfriend|Go after her]]

* [[Swear|Shit]]

Shit Snake 2: Shit Harder

"Maybe you should just go," you suggest. She apparently doesn't like that answer, throwing a book at your head and narrowly missing.



"Arsehole," she mutters, as she grabs her stuff and storms to the door. There are tears in her eyes as she turns around in the doorway, but she doesn't say anything. Then it's slammed shut, like some kind of metaphor.

* [[Swear|Shit]]

The snake eats some shit and grows bigger.

* [[Do nothing|play4]]

* [[Turn left|play4]]

* [[Turn right|play4]]

You consider creating a poo effigy of your former girlfriend. Maybe you could then mail it to her.



But no, it would never survive the journey intact. She'd just assume it was a regular non-effigy mailed-shit, simply the retaliation to her opening salvo in an increasingly bitter shit war. Maybe if you put it in your oven it would harden like pottery?



But alas, you aren't talented enough to sculpt anything recognisable in any case. Best to leave these thoughts outside with the shit, and go back inside. Shit Snake is calling you...

* [[Go inside]]

* [[Wait, what happened to eating it?|what happened to eating it]]

You get up and walk over to your girlfriend who is lying in bed already. She asks if you've taken your medication, and as usual you lie.



She'll never know.



''THE END''

Sure you don't want to eat the shit first?

* [[Eat the shit]]

* [[Go inside]]

[[Draknek's Domain|http://www.draknek.org/]]

[[Shit Snake|http://www.draknek.org/games/shitsnake/]]

[[More games|http://www.draknek.org/games/]]

[[Original inspiration|http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2011/10/19/this-is-indie-the-300-game-pirate-kart/#comment-828728]]

You eat a bar of chocolate as an attempt to distract yourself. It doesn't help.



You wonder why you didn't choose not to eat the shit when you had the chance.

* [[Don't eat the shit|Dont eat the shit 2]]

The snake hits the wall and dies. Man, you suck at this game!

* [[Hit retry on instinct|restartgame]]

* [[Go to bed]]

The snake eats some shit and grows bigger. It's going to crash into its tail if you don't do something. There is also a wall to your left.

* [[Do nothing|tailcrash2]]

* [[Turn left|wallcrash2]]

* [[Turn right|play6]]

The snake hits its own tail and dies. Man, you suck at this game!

* [[Hit retry on instinct|restartgame]]

* [[Go to bed]]

The snake eats the bright red pill and immediately starts leaving a trail of diarrhea in its wake.

<<if $crying>>

You hear the door slam shut behind your former girlfriend.

* [[Go after her]]

* [[Swear|Shit]]

<<else>>

Your girlfriend begins to cry. She asks you why you value these games more than your relationship.

* [[Hit retry on instinct|playignore]]

* [["This isn't just any game. This is Shit Snake!"|not just any game]]

* [[Apologise to her|Apologise to girlfriend]]

<<endif>>

"Why aren't you in bed yet?" calls your girlfriend from behind you.



The snake is heading towards some shit.

* [["Just a second"|Just a second]]

* [["I'm playing Shit Snake"|Im playing Shit Snake]]

* [[Keep playing Shit Snake|play]]

The thought runs through your head and you're disgusted with yourself. And yet, the idea lodges itself in your mind. You know you can't, you know there is no rational reason why you would ever do it, but you also know that you have to leave a shit on the porch.

* [[Don't do it|no defecation 2]]

* [[Give in|defecate]]

The snake is moving right. There is a bright red pill above you and a wall below you. The snake is going to crash into a wall if you don't do something.

* [[Do nothing|wallcrash2]]

* [[Turn left|playignore2]]

* [[Turn right|wallcrash2]]

You go over to your girlfriend and apologise for your rudeness.

* [[Go to bed|Go to bed 2]]

You suddenly have a flash of inspiration; an idea which demands to be listened to.



<<display defecate>>

The snake eats some shit and grows bigger.

* [[Do nothing|play4]]

* [[Turn left|play4]]

* [[Turn right|play4]]

Oh yes, you're right. My apologies.

* [[Eat the shit]]

"Just a second," you reply.



"What are you even doing over there that's so important?" she asks irritably.



The snake eats some shit and grows bigger.

* [["Since when do you care anyway?"|Since when do you care]]

* [["I'm playing Shit Snake"|Im playing Shit Snake]]

* [[Keep playing Shit Snake|play]]

Maybe you should eat the shit.

* [[Eat the shit]]

* [[No!|no eating shit]]

.passage .title { display: none }

"Look what you've done now!"



She doesn't say a word: simply runs out and slams the door, like in some dramatic fashion or something like that.

* [[Go after her]]

* [[Swear|Shit]]

You are looking at the shit. You become increasingly aware of the wall of the house looming behind you. <<set $youaresnake=true>> <<set $x = 2>> <<set $y = 3>>

* [[Move forwards|eatshitassnake]]

* [[Go inside|goinsidecheck]]

The snake's tail is ahead of you. The snake's tail is to the left of you. The snake's tail is to the right of you.

* [[Do nothing|tailcrash2]]

* [[Turn left|tailcrash2]]

* [[Turn right|tailcrash2]]

Having done the deed, you find your sense of righteous indignation fade away.



It is replaced with an almost uncontrollable urge to eat the shit.

* [[Try to resist the urge|Resist the urge]]

* [[Accept your fate]]

"Are you even listening to me?" she asks.



The snake is going to crash into a wall if you don't do something.

* [["What?"|What]]

* [["Of course I am, baby"|Of course I am]]

* [[Get up and comfort girlfriend|Comfort girlfriend]]

* [[Turn left|play5]]

* [[Turn right|play5]]

"Of course I don't!" you claim.



The snake is going to crash into its tail if you don't do something.

* [[Comfort girlfriend]]

* [[Turn left|play3]]

* [[Turn right|play3]]

You sit back down and start a new game.



<<display playignore>>

<<set $y = $y + 1>> <<if $y gt 3>>

<<display "wallcrash">>

<<else>><<if ($y eq 2) and ($pooping)>><<display "Why no bed">><<else>>

<<if not $pooping>>You are moving away from the bright red pill.<<else>>The snake is moving down.<<endif>> <<if $y eq 3>>The snake is going to crash into a wall unless you do something. <<if $x eq 1>>There is also a wall to your left.<<endif>> <<if $x eq 3>>There is also a wall to your right.<<endif>> <<endif>>

* [[Do nothing|goingdown]]

* [[Turn left|goingright]]

* [[Turn right|goingleft]]

<<endif>><<endif>>

<<set $x = 1>> <<set $y = 2>> <<set $sucky = true>> <<set $pooping = false>> <<display goingright>>

You go to the door and chase after her, but she's disappeared impossibly quickly. On the welcome mat is a fresh turd, left as one final protest at the game you loved more than her.

* [[Wonder how she could do that and disappear so quickly]]

* [[Don't eat the shit|Dont eat the shit]]

You perch over the front step, unleashing your bowels in a personal message of revenge. It feels cathartic.

* [[Regret your actions]]

* [[Don't eat the shit|Dont eat the shit]]

You are a snake.

* [[Move forwards|snakego]]

* [[Turn left|snakego]]

* [[Turn right|snakego]]

"Since when do you care anyway?" you ask, with more than a hint of malice.



The snake is going to crash into a wall if you don't do something.

* [["You've never shown any interest in my hobbies"|You dont care]]

* [[Turn left|poweroff]]

* [[Turn right|poweroff]]

You eat the shit and immediately start leaving a trail of diarrhea in your wake. Your tail grows longer. <<set $winding = 0>> <<set $pooping=true>>

* [[Move forwards|snakego]]

* [[Turn left|snakego]]

* [[Turn right|snakego]]

You laugh. "I'm playing shit snake."



She doesn't laugh. In fact, she starts to cry. She asks why you value Shit Snake more than your relationship. <<set $crying = true>>



The snake eats some shit and grows bigger.

* [["You should ask what shit snake is"|You should ask what shit snake is]]

* [["Of course I don't!"|Of course I dont]]

* [[Keep playing Shit Snake|play]]

You climb into bed with her, but you're thinking about Shit Snake.



''THE END''

You walk to the door and slam it behind you, like in some dramatic fashion or something like that.

* [[Maybe you should defecate on the doorstep]]

* [[What? No! Why would you do that?|no defecation]]

Written by Alan Hazelden (inspired by caddyB)

<<set $x = $x + 1>> <<if $x gt 3>>

<<display "wallcrash">>

<<else>><<if ($x eq 2) and ($pooping)>><<display "Why no bed">><<else>>

<<if $y eq 1>><<display "pickup">>

<<endif>> The snake is moving right. <<if not $pooping>>There is a bright red pill above you.<<endif>> <<if $x eq 3>>The snake is going to crash into a wall unless you do something. <<if $y eq 1>>There is also a wall above you.<<endif>> <<if $y eq 3>>There is also a wall below you.<<endif>> <<endif>>

* [[Do nothing|goingright]]

* [[Turn left|goingup]]

* [[Turn right|goingdown]]

<<endif>><<endif>>

What are you thinking? Of course you shouldn't eat the shit: it's shit, for shit's sake!



But maybe you should eat the shit.

* [[Eat the shit]]

* [[Go inside]]

You try to decide not to eat the shit, but it doesn't work. You've already accepted this on some level.

* [[Maybe you should eat the shit|Continue to not eat the shit]]

"Shit," you say, to a now-empty room.



The snake is strangely apathetic.



''THE END''