Have a look at these silly and cute hospital jokes… and don’t forget to send in your favourites! Have a belly shaking lovely day!

1. What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? In a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

2. A man who swallowed a five dollar bill showed up at the emergency room. They placed him in the ICU but still no change.

3. What’s the difference between a hospital visit from a friend and a best friend? A friend asks “How are you?” A best friend will ask “How is the nurse?”

4. The sign on the plastic surgeon’s office reads: “If life gives you lemons, a simple procedure can give you melons.”

5. During my residency in neurology I got paged to the surgical intensive care unit at 3am. I was curious as to what was going on as a neurologist rarely gets a 3 am call to the surgical intensive care unit..

When I introduced myself as a the oncall neurologist, the heavily accented nurse exclaimed, “Neurology! I wanted urology! I got the wrong end!”

6. A woman gets into a taxi and asks for the maternity ward at the hospital. After the driver gets a ticket she exclaims, “Not so fast! I’m only working there!”

7. A man shows up to the hospital with a garlic clove in his right ear and piece of cucumber up his nose. Presumably some sort of home remedy. “What’s wrong with me?” he asks the nurse.

She replies “You’re not eating properly!”

8. A little boy goes in the emergency room says his whole body hurts. He touches his nose and says it hurts, his knee and says it hurts, his toe and says it hurts. The nurse whispers to the mother I think he has a broken finger. And they smile to themselves.

9. A man comes into the doctor’s office. The nurse asks him if there is any specific reason he’s come in today. “Yes,” the man says, “I’m thinking of having a vasectomy.”

“Have you discussed this option with your family?” the doctor replies.

“Yes,” he says, “and I got out voted 16 to 1.”

10. Why did the short tempered doctor get fired from the hospital? He had no patients.

12. A man wakes up in hospital after a bad car accident. The nurse explains to him that his wife is okay but they had to amputate both of his arms. The man replies “That’s a weight off my shoulders.”

13. A Christian lawyer is dying in hospital and reading the bible.

The nurse asks if he want her to call the priest as she sees he’s seeking spiritual comfort. “No,” he says, “I’m looking for loopholes.”

14. There’s a guy walking down the street and he hears a strange voice saying “13… 13… 13… 13..”

“That’s weird” he thinks. As he approaches he realizes the voice is coming from within the walls of CAMH (the mental hospital).

When he gets really close he sees there is a hole in the wall so he peers through. Bam! He gets pokes in the eye… then he hears the voice again “14… 14… 14… 14…”