(Picture: Erin Aniker for Metro.co.uk)

Dating when you’re a hot 10/10 bloke can be hard.

It may not sound like the most tear-jerking plight but research from Oxford University has found that men who consider themselves a 10/10 receive fewer messages than men who view themselves as an average-looking 5/10.

Michael Sullivan, a 27-year-old business development manager from Greenwich who sees himself a perfect ten, ‘or close’, has struggled with online dating.

‘I get attention from women in real life, but hardly anything online,’ he tells Metro.co.uk.


‘I think sometimes women think that because you’re attractive you won’t be interested in them. They prefer to go for guys they see as a safer bet.



Michael believes the issue is common due to a widespread problem among women of insecurity and poor self-image.

‘I think a lot of women are insecure these days, because there’s so much pressure from social media to look good and be perfect. Women don’t feel confident enough to message good-looking guys.

‘Sometimes online dating feels hopeless,’ Michael added. ‘It feels like no one will give you a chance.’

The Oxford University findings came from analysis of the habits of more than 150,000 straight daters over a ten-year period on dating site, Eharmony. Coming to a similar conclusion as Michael, lead researcher, Taha Yasseri, professor of Computational Social Science, believes that women feel intimidated by men they view as extremely good-looking.

He said: ‘They might think that they have little chance in relation to those people compared to someone who is good looking but not 10/10.

‘It also has to do with the self-esteem of the person who is checking the profile. They might think, “I am not that good looking and if I take someone who is much better than me, I might have issues, I might be worried about the faithfulness of my partner”.’

Urszula Makowska, a 24-year-old blogger from New York, has used Tinder and Bumble and admits she is put off when a guy is a 10/10.

Urszula Makowska is wary of very attractive men online (Picture: Urszula Makowska)

She tells us: ‘If he is a 10/10, I tend to not show interest because I assume he is too good for me and that he is too perfect. I get worried that this person might be too cocky or too much into themselves or might have the wrong intentions.

‘My automatic thoughts are “wow! He is a great looking guy”, but then I come to a conclusion that he is too perfect and I get worried he might be too much into himself or that he may have the wrong intentions. I also worry he may be just another catfish and I lose interest.’

Amy Sutton, a PR professional from Odiham, tried all the apps before finding her partner and said she had similar feelings when she saw a profile of a perfect ten.

She said: ‘I’d probably not message or add a really good-looking guy. I’d assume they were probably inundated with messages and out of my league or that they might be arrogant.’



When swiping right, Amy says she was attracted to ‘humour and warmth’ rather than traditional good looks.

‘They would have to look natural and happy with themselves,’ she explained. ‘Not posing or trying too hard. Humour and warmth are essential. Nothing worse than someone who uses a profile as a gallery of their abs or showing how “cool” they are.’

Average guys may seem more approachable to women like Urszula and Amy, but not all attractive guys feel the odds are stacked against them in online dating.

Max, a 24-year-old account manager from Croydon told us: ‘I don’t think it has any effect at all if I’m honest with you, we live in age where people are pretty switched on that no one is going to look 100% like their pictures. Plus women in 2018, I think are past looks.

‘Don’t get me wrong everyone loves an absolute weapon but you can’t just be a gravitational puller that expects people to flock to you, especially online. You need substance to get anywhere.

‘I have three sisters though, so on top of looks it’s always good to have an idea of what women might want to hear.’

Not all guys who consider themselves average-looking feel that online dating works in their favour.

Max Adamski is the co-founder of new dating app JigTalk – an app he was inspired to create because he felt disadvantaged in the dating game due to his looks, which he considers average.

Max Ademski, co-founder of JigTalk, created a dating app that focuses less on looks and more on personality (Picture: Max Ademski)

When two people match on the app, which is designed to build connections based more on personality than appearance, each person’s face is covered in jigsaw pieces, and as the pair talk, the jigsaw pieces disappear to reveal the face underneath.


Max said: ‘I was using Tinder, and, like many friends of mine, I was ruthlessly disposed of due to face value on countless occasions.

‘A lot of time invested – very few matches, zero dates. The vast majority of women on Tinder will no doubt find that every time they swipe right, they get a match, which then makes them overly picky to avoid the congestion of their matches list.

‘Too many guys swipe yes, yes, yes without looking.’

Max may have created his app to reinforce the message that it’s ‘what’s on the inside that counts’, but if the research of Oxford University is anything to go by, such a sentiment may benefit all, from the average to the very good-looking. Maybe it’s time we all stop judging a book by its cover.

MORE: Can sliding into the DMs ever lead to a relationship? These sliders insist it can

MORE: What happened when I tried to meet someone using vegan dating apps

MORE: Is ball pit speed-dating a good way to meet your match?

Advertisement Advertisement