Man Kills Imaginary Friend, Turns Self In, Takes World’s Saddest Mug Shot

Here you have another reason why drugs are bad, kids: you end up killing your imaginary friend and then demand the death penalty, which is exactly what one Florida man did.

Geoff Gaylord walked into a Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office and confessed to his crime: he had repeatedly stabbed his friend “Mr. Happy” with a kitchen knife, cut up Mr. Happy with a hatchet, and buried him in his backyard. Let me remind you again that this occurred in Florida, so perhaps it should come as a surprise to no one.

Gaylord and Mr. Happy were friends for seven years but, according to Gaylord, he killed him for a few reasons:

“He left his empty vodka bottles all over the kitchen… never picked up his empty cocaine baggies…He messed up my apartment to the point where I just couldn’t get it clean…Before Hap started doing drugs and acting weird he was my BFF…We’d go dancing, play on the children’s park equipment, both huge fans of doom metal – listened to it for hours with the lights turned off.”

When Mr. Happy crashed Gaylord’s car, and Gaylord got arrested instead, Gaylord had had enough.

“That drunk driving incident I got unfairly blamed for and just how messy he had become put me over the edge and I murdered him.”

Gaylord was eventually taken into custody when he threatened police for not giving him the death penalty. Police found drug paraphernalia and a machine gun in Gaylord’s house, and was booked on multiple charges.

So much for the BFF bracelets these two exchanged.

Via Moron

Editor’s Note: So apparently this story comes from a phony site. Oh well. Even the smartest people in the world (read: Mandatory editors) get fooled every now and then. Enjoy the story anyway.