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I mean, Iâm just guessing. Maybe a small (or larger) token of your love for someone in need? I saw something like that on Dr. Phil before they took the TV, and it seemed to really give the guy a sense of deep meaning and peace. âBailoutâ is such a funny word, too. I think it comes from sailing, when a ship would have a slow leak and people would have to âbail outâ the water to keep from drowning. I can really imagine what that was like; slowly going numb as icy waters creep up towards your mouth. I really can. And you canât always bail yourself out; sometimes it takes the whole crew, pulling together. I bet sometimes, when things were really looking bad on a ship, theyâd use things to try and plug the hole. Like something absorbent and papery. Probably, theyâd be so panicked, theyâd use whatever they had in their pockets. Yep, Iâll bet theyâd take wads of money even, and just use that to plug the hole. Imagine: a six hundred dollar hole.Did I mention I donât have a bucket? Iâve been meaning to buy one. I think the important thing about this 700 billion dollar bailout is that itâs being given with no strings attached. Itâs heartwarming, really. Even though the banks have made some mistakes in the past, the President realizes that itâs important to encourage young people in their time of need. AIG may be in a tight spot, but theyâre trying, you know? Theyâre probably working their butts off everyday, auditioning, writing spec scripts, jumping in front of celebritiesâ carsâ¦metaphorically. So to have Uncle Sam help out in a time of need just means so much. How is Uncle Sammy, by the way? Please send him my love and a copy of this letter. I should go now. T-Boz is finishing up her dinner, and I want to try and talk to her again before she leaves the restaurant. It took me so long to track her down!Hope to see you soon. If I donât write for a while, itâs because my address has changed. You can just write to the Homeless Shelter on Fairfax; I keep a P.O. Box there. Oh and Mom, since you asked about it: yes, you can transfer money directly into various accounts online. If you want, Iâd love to show you how. Your beloved son, Michael P.S. 600 dollars.When not writing for Cracked, Michael is doing just fine financially as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!