

"Whut up mah jiggas! You got your party hats ready for the big day?"

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING:

"Gee willikers! Harold Camping's word is law! And it's almost May...i mean... October 21st! I've already got a pet-sitter, but what in the h-e-double hockey sticks is going to happen to all the cash I have cluttering up my bank account once I'm swooped up into the clouds on Saturday? I should be a good person and make sure it's able to be put to use by someone who's stuck here on Earth! Someone with a kind heart, adorable smile, and great sense of humor!"

WELL, GUESS WHAT:

1) That's a great question, followed by a noble consideration.



2) Thanks so much, I get that all the time! I don't know how you can tell how adorable I am without seeing a picture of me, but you're right on the money. It's the dimples, I think.



3) Now you don't have to worry. I'll provide a safe place for your good ol' American currency free of charge! All you have to do is use the handy dandy donation button below, and your dollars are well on their way to being in good hands.

AND HERE'S THE BEST PART!

Just let me know whether you want your funds spent on:



a) food

b) clothing

c) entertainment

d) car care

e) education

f) student loans (cuz you know those sharks will still be here)

g) riot gear

h) apocalyptic urban survivalist training

i) zombie warfare weapons

or

j) ninja and/or covert paramilitary training



...and your hard-earned cash will be properly allocated. I pinkie swear.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! (Insert waving flag here) Act now, time is (literally) running out!





And hey...you're welcome!