by: Jennifer Jones

That feeling when you eat because someone offered-but you’re not really hungry.



You play with the food on your plate. You move it around with your fork, but you don’t have an appetite. You entertain the unwanted food because you don’t want to be rude, or appear stuck up. You feel a sense of obligation to accept, because you don’t want to make someone feel bad for your rejection of what they worked so hard to prepare. Or you're bored as hell, so it's like whatever, sure. Give me a plate.

What if in that moment, you just said, “No thank you,” and interrupted the flooding rationalizations of why you should eat the food that you don't really want. What if you could appreciate the effort put into the food presentation, but didn’t feel obligated to accept it or validate it? What if telling the truth in that instant was okay?

Ladies, we aren’t talking about suspect potato salad. We are talking about romantic relationships and self-awareness. Oprah calls it the “Ah ha!” moment. I call it the, “You don’t even like him, sis!” moment.

Imagine the internal transparency that is required to remove yourself from a situation or person that you admittedly don’t even like or want. You would think this logic in action could be quickly achieved, but often times it is not. We accept what we don’t even want, because of an internal rationale that literally makes no sense.

If we are intimately honest with ourselves, we can determine our true desires and motives. Not the fluff or on paper desires; or the stuff we think we are supposed to want and like. I mean those innate, gut, unconscious heart desires. The real you. The you that has nothing to do with anyone else.

At various times my dating life, I have questioned myself internally saying, “Why am I even putting up with this, I don’t even like him like that.” Not referring to “liking” him on superficial level, but more of an acknowledgment of incompatibility, yet the entertainment of it for a myriad of stupid reasons. I’m entertaining you, because you offered the potato salad, so I accepted it....even though, I kind of hate potato salad.”

Because we are physically attracted.

Sometimes that potato salad looks good, even when you're not hungry. The chef's offer and presentation is flattering. Maybe if you were hungry it would satisfy you. If you had a craving for potato salad, this would be perfect. But, you’re not hungry or having any cravings. Curiosity and greed kick in and you pile your plate with food that you don't actually want.You taste the first bite, and it's really good. Like really good. You eat until you’re uncomfortably full, knowing that you're not hungry and that you could’ve just said, "No, thank you." Now you have a stomach ache because you ingested something you didn't even want in the first place.

If we can be honest, many of us remain entwined with romantic interests in our lives that we know are not “for” us because of the way they look, or the way they make us feel. Our shallow desires supersede our heart’s desires because we enjoy the potato salad’s garnish or how it looks in our bed... I mean on our plate. This is where the ever complicated “dickmatized” situation comes into play. For those unfamiliar with the term, it is used among women to describe an entranced state of being when in relationship with a sexually compatible partner. Good sex = Altered State of Being/Thinking.

I am here to say, this way of being is a farce. We have to stop using good sex as an excuse for bad behavior or even bad company. Good sex or physical attraction are not what fuels involvement with someone you know you are not compatible with, though it is often used as an excuse. Veiled intimacy, wrapped in fantasy is what drives us to these situations. Sex does not equate to real intimacy or overall compatibility. You don’t even like him, sis. Move around.