Tonight an old friend said hello on Facebook Chat! He and I have known each other since Elementary School but probably haven’t talked since our 10 year high school reunion! We were both LDS in a very non LDS environment. We were never super close but I always liked him. It was a fun chat and I had to share some of it relating to our mutual apostasy and teenage sins.

Enjoy:

Me

My Dad lives in LXXXXXXX too but is moving to UT in a month or so. My Mom also passed in 2002. My brothers and sisters are all spread all over. We don’t all get along much. Two even live here in AXXXXXX and we hardly see each other. I don’t really hear from anyone in the SXXXXX Ward. I became a pariah when I left the church

Buddy

see, I left without “leaving” so they just think im inactive. so I dont know if im a pariah or not

Me

Well…. I kind of made a point of it…leaving… and having been in it so strongly my leaving wasn’t taken too well. Yes. last I heard the HXXXXXXXXXs were still in Santee in the same house. I ran into LXX and he was staying with them

Buddy

I’ll have to try and stop by sometime, the HXXXXXXXXs were always really good to me.

Me

I think NXXX is on my FB friends list here if you want to look them up

I liked them too

Buddy

Sister HXXXXXXXX was good about taking in strays

Me

when were you stray?

Buddy

where church was concerned, was kinda how i felt

Me

ah I see…

Buddy

i mean from the aspect that my family wasnt there, so , if i didnt sit with them, or i wasnt doing the priest blessing thing, i was kinda alone

Me

I can see that. If you don’t fit the mold exactly it’s tough. so is your brother still in it?

Buddy

no, he left sometime after I did

Me

when did you?

Buddy

lets see, about 1989 was probably the last time I was in a church with my girlfriend who is now my wife. no were just protestants now, went to a baptist church for awhile, now im not even sure of the denomination of my church.

Me

And did you leave for any particular reason? or didn’t feel like you fit in?

Buddy

honestly, two things inspired me to leave, one was bishop HXXXX( i may be wrong on the last name, he had a daughter named txxx, and a bunch of other kids) anyway when I was like in 10th or 11th grade he called me in, i had been kinda inactive, was basically struggling with, well u know the kinds of things teenage boys struggle with… and he said that he was short on priests , and I said , well, i would like to help you, but I havent really been living up to the teacher then, so I cant take on more responsibilty than I already am not doing faithfully… and he said basically, well, we need priests to give the blessing so elders dont have to do it, so im going to approve u to be a priests

and i though, thats weird, cuz this is not working how its supposed to

then when i was in college in berkeley , i just saw all kinds of stuff and I started to think… its weird joseph smith was told not to go to any other church cuz they all have inequity, when we got inequity all over the place…

so those are the two biggies

and yeah, my refusal to cut my long hair in highschool and subsiquent self alienation even though it was minor, did not help

I used to have nightmares that I was kicked out of the lds church… so it was a big deal

Me

I kind of admire you for thinking about it early on and in that way. And just walking away…I wish I’d figured it out in college. I totally get where you are coming from too… the amount of unnecessary shame and self doubt over absolutely normal behavior gets my blood boiling. I try to tell people who have never been LDS what a big deal it was leaving and how absolutely terrifying it was… and they can never get it

Buddy

oh, unless you have been told its the 1 true church and joseph is a prophet a few thousand times over several years starting in childhood, I dont think you have any hope of grasping how traumatic it is.

Me

True … and how utter failures, sinners and lost those who leave it become

Buddy

so, and I dont mean to pry, but is this what has caused problems with your siblings?

Me

Yes. Out of 8 of us 4 are no longer LDS and the other 4 are still gung ho

It’s like 2 teams. Stupid but true

Buddy

ohh man, i bet that puts your dad in some interesting situations

Me

My Dad hasn’t been to church since my mom died, He doesn’t care either way.

Buddy

My mom is cool about it too, her dad was evangelical christian so, she had a bit of that influence growing up.. in fact when I tell her some of the advanced mormon stuff, like the belief we will eventually have our own worlds, she thinks im mistaken.

Me

But wasn’t it your Mom who was Mormon? And that’s why you were? I take it you never went to the temple?

Buddy

yeah but she left utah in like the 7th grade, and once they got out here I think church wasnt a big priority

im gonna tell you something that will melt your eyes, you ready?

yes i have been to the temple to be baptized for the dead

Me

uh yeah…

Buddy

ok, we were there one time, and they decided to have the girls get baptized for the dead before us, while us boys sat there and watched

well…so we have girls that are in wet longjohns… and i was a teenager

so im in the friggin temple, and im starting to sport wood

Me

LOL

Buddy

so im thinking…holy crap, and the more i worry, the worse it gets

and all i could think to do, was … go take care of it

IN THE TEMPLE

so, if mormonism was true, i would be struck dead

Me

OMG! OMG! OMG! BEST. STORY. EVER!

You just made my day, my week, my year. Soooo funny

Buddy

Yeah I would wager when it’s all said and done. I’m one of the few that ever did that.

Me

Probably….

Here’s my somewhat related story….

So I’m getting my 12 year old interview to be ordained a deacon. Bishop HXXXXXXXs is interviewing me in his office at his house …

and he asks me if I masturbate. I didn’t know what it was so I asked him

He proceeds to explain it to me and how the Lord feels about it and such. Well, truth be told I hadn’t yet.

But he gave me several examples of how it might be done

…Guess what happened next time I popped a boner after that? Yeah my bishop taught me how to wack off!

Buddy

Lmao

ohh man, thats to funny

“this hand position would be whats called and overhand grip” ” don’t do that either… especially with any kind of hand lotion.. its a sin”

Me

Exactly! Hah

No it was more like, “You could be showering and rubbing soap all over yourself, or lying face down in the bed and start moving around… and start to get “feelings”

I wasn’t really sure what feelings he was talking about but I’m sure it wasn’t more than a day later that I got it. LOL. It’s kind of sick when you think about an adult male talking to a 12 year old kid about it though isn’t it?

Buddy

yes, especially that adult male, not to be mean, but you know what i mean

Me

exactly

It’s supposed to be a bunch of 12 year olds talking about it, not some creepy old bishop!

Buddy

yeah see, i learned on the street, like american kids are supposed to

Me

Hehe

Please may I share your temple story if I don”t use names? I have some friends who are going to love it!

Buddy

yeah, thats fine, its to good of a story to keep to yourself.

someday I might have the occasion to pass along yours too, of course I wont reveal the source

if thats alright.

Me

Of course!

Buddy

well DXXXXX, I need to finish up some stuff for tomorrow. It was great to talk to you..feel free to say hello anytime.

Me

Hey, yeah it was good chatting – have a good week!

Chat Conversation End