CINCINNATI—Raising questions about the logic of the long-held convention, a new report released Tuesday by Xavier University’s Department of Sports Studies revealed that it’s sort of weird baseball uniforms have belts. “If you step back and view the situation objectively, the fact that professional baseball players are running around the field in pants held up by a leather belt is a little odd,” said Dr. Nathan Gibbons, lead author of the 350-page report, confirming that it’s difficult to explain why baseball pants would even have belt loops to begin with. “These are elite-level athletes, remember, and they’re playing a sport—running, jumping, and throwing—all with belts around their waists. And presumably a player has at some point needed to adjust his belt buckle in the middle of a baseball game. That’s weird. They should just wear pants with an elastic waistband or something.” According to Gibbons, the extensive report goes on to conclude it’s just flat-out bizarre that baseball jerseys are essentially button-down short-sleeve shirts.

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