With a Bernie Sanders Democratic presidential nomination looking less and less likely, New Hampshire resident David Allen is threatening to cut protein from his diet if Bernie loses to Hillary Clinton.

“This is really concerning,” said his Dr. Amy Rodin, his personal physician. “Without an adequate supply of protein, it’s unlikely that David will be able to function at a high level. This could have a traumatic effect on his work life, his home life and his relationships, not to mention the fact that he is the starting pitcher on his softball team.”

“We need to do something about this, America,” said David’s coworker Sally. “We need to get out there and vote, or else David’s health is at risk. It’s sickening to think that some people would stay home and not vote when they know there’s a man out there who will potentially have his protein supply cutoff. Sickening, America.”

We’ll report back in the coming weeks on David’s health.