Pokémon Reality TV Shows

Introduction

Let's face it; we all love reality TV shows. Despite how brainless and silly we say these shows are, no one can really resist the thought of seeing Honey Boo Boo's mother trying to climb up an inflatable bouncy castle, only to fail miserably. I'm sure everyone has watched a crappy reality TV show one time or another, just because "there was nothing else on to watch," or some other silly excuse like that. There is no end to the amount of garbage our brains can take—in fact, we seem to rely on it, and TV networks take advantage of that fact easily.

Taking this shocking reflection of human behavior into consideration, one must wonder: "What kinds of TV shows would people in the Pokémon world watch?" I imagine that most people wouldn't be too interested in watching Pokémon battles all day, and don't get me started on that meaningless drivel they consider to be "news" over there (...and LEVITATE...Mmm! That's deep! There's deep significance behind that quote!). It's obvious that people in the Pokémon world watch reality television just as much as we do—the only reason why no one has actually seen them in the games is because Game Freak was afraid that we would get too interested in watching the TV and end up missing the rest of the game. But, with great difficulty (and way too much time on my hands), I have managed to compile a list of popular reality TV shows from the Pokémon world. They are most definitely real, with each one being described in detail below. Enjoy.

Keeping Up With the Kangaskhans

Hugely successful since its inception, Keeping Up With the Kangaskhans follows the adventures of a family of Kangaskhan and their interactions between each other. It has all the necessary components of a good reality show: drama, tension, power struggles, and lots of child pregnancy. Memorable moments from the show include Kelly Kangaskhan's wedding, Kacey Kangaskhan's trip to the dentist, and Kassandra Kangaskhan's extremely scandalized breeding tape. The show has been criticized worldwide by many reviewers challenging the truth behind its storylines, with the main argument being the fact that "Kangaskhan cannot be employed by fashion companies; they are Pokémon" as proof of the show's falsehood. It has also been condemned by Pokémon rights groups, who claim that the very fabric of the show is abusive to the Kangaskhan sisters and their family. Nevertheless, Keeping Up With the Kangaskhans continues to be one of the most successful and beloved reality shows on Pokémon television.

The Kangaskhan family is estimated to have a net worth of 500,000,000,000 Pokedollars.

Pokémon's Next Top Criminal Syndicate

Pokémon's Next Top Criminal Syndicate was originally conceived by Giovanni, who funded and produced the entire show single-handedly for its first few seasons. The show is a competition with one simple goal: to find the newest, up-and-coming sociopaths trying to make a future in world domination. In it, several small groups of people introduce their idea for a team in front of a panel of judges (the current lineup is Lysandre, Miror B., and the Director of Pokestar Studios), with things including their team's name, their main goal for the world, and the legendary Pokémon they are trying to catch being presented. Out of those who audition, 10 potential teams are chosen, and they go on to fulfill a series of challenges like designing a costume and going around the region, pestering people to join their cause. The final challenge involves both teams pitted against each other in the completion of a task, with a ten-year-old child getting in the way of their plans (so before you ask, there have been seasons where no team won the competition). The winner of the show receives a grant of 1,000,000,000 Pokedollars from Silph Co. along with 100 free Zubats. Some of the most successful winners of the show include Team Galactic, whose manic goal of ripping apart the fabric of reality won the judges over from the very start, and Team Aqua and Magma, where the entire conflict between the two teams was actually the dramatic finale of the show's fourth season. Strangely, Pokémon's Next Top Criminal Syndicate has not been met with very much controversy; instead, it has been praised for its interesting plotlines and dark, sophisticated humor. Go figure.

Kanto's Got Talent (and Spinoffs)

Kanto's Got Talent opened up as a very promising reality TV show. Available to people and Pokémon alike, the show had so much potential; it was going to be a source of bad auditions, emotional breakdowns onstage, and inspirational clips of Pokemart workers singing beautiful show tunes. It appeared that the producers of the show hit TV gold with Kanto's Got Talent, and other regions took no time to start a Got Talent series of their own.

Unfortunately, as it began to progress, it became apparent that the show was doomed from the start. It was a competition that combined the natural stupidity of human beings with the crazy abilities of Pokémon, and the result was a proverbial train wreck of a show that earned its producers nothing but lawsuits and property damage. There have been several notorious incidents in the show's brief history, including the "Exotic Pokémon Chef" Incident, which created an outrage within Pokémon rights groups from every region, the "Dancing Wailord" Incident, which resulted in injuries of over 30 audience members, and the "Pole Dancing Jynx" Incident, which requires absolutely no further elaboration. The controversy with the Got Talent series culminated when a trainer on Kalos's Got Talent auditioned his singing Exploud and Noivern, which destroyed the venue's sound system and literally deafened the entire audience. At its peak, the volume of the performance is estimated to have been 200 decibels, 20 points higher than that of a rocket launch. The producers of the show faced thousands of lawsuits from victims in the crowd. What's worse, local Chatot heard the audition and began to mimic it. Several homes were destroyed before authorities got the situation under control, and, as a result of the whole debacle, Pokémon were no longer allowed to audition for the series. It turns out that in the Pokémon TV business, people really want to see Pokémon, and, consequently, the ratings for the franchise dropped severely. Kanto's Got Talent and all of its spinoffs were promptly cancelled, and the series remains a shining example to all reality TV producers of what not to do when creating a show.

Extreme Pokémon Competitive Makeovers

Extreme Pokémon Competitive Makeovers is a program that gathers the top scientists from all around the world with the goal of "fixing" bad Pokémon. The scale of the project ranges from improving the powers of one Pokémon, which often involves strict EV training regimens and breeding sessions, to massive-scale undertakings, such as the manufacturing of the Dream World, which was featured in a two-hour-long special on the show. Lately, the scientists have been working towards some more radical movements, such as the genetic engineering of Pokémon to have perfect IVs (why can't it just be that easy?) and even the most recent "discovery" of the Fairy-type, which was actually the result of a DNA-altering pheromone being released into the air, triggering reactions in several species of Pokémon. Of course, they have also had failures, such as their manufacturing of the Light Ball; no matter how hard they try, Pikachu will never be good. In fact, one of their biggest makeover failures has been documented and made into a spinoff. Extreme Pokémon Competitive Failures: Farfetch'd Edition has been very well-received in its short span.

The Bachelorette: Search for the Perfect Father

The scientists on Extreme Pokémon Competitive Makeovers, who call themselves "Game Freak," have assured people countless times that their experiments have not harmed any Pokémon, although that hasn't prevented the public outcry over the show and its premise. I would delve into the controversy of the show a bit more, but that would require at least ten pages of text regarding ethics and philosophy, and I'm just here to explain reality TV, a slightly less bold endeavor.

Pokémon are primal creatures at heart, so things such as relationships and love don't matter as much to them as being able to make the best babies possible. This is where The Bachelorette: Search for the Perfect Father comes in. Each season focuses on a single female Pokémon, surrounded by 24 different suitors trying to impress her. Suitors go through various challenges to impress the Bachelorette, attempting to show off their natures and characteristics as well as possible. At the end of each episode, the Bachelorette rejects one of her suitors by choosing to give Heart Scales to everyone but him, and the show continues on until she finds the one for her. Then they go into the daycare, get out their Destiny Knots and Everstones, and (censored).

Keeping Up With the Kangaskhans has drama, but it's nothing compared to this show. The Bachelorette is full of twists and turns, such as in Season 4 when the Bachelorette chooses a father who isn't even in her egg group, or Season 7 when the Bachelorette is kicked off the show in favor of her better-natured daughter. There have been several seasons where the Bachelorette is swapped out from the show with another one, only to return after it's all over to breed with her replacement's newborn. There have also been countless cases of child abandonment and Pokémon trafficking in the series's history. Apparently, though, this is all completely normal in the Pokémon world, because The Bachelorette: Search for the Perfect Father is one of the highest rated shows on Pokémon TV and doesn't seem to be stopping any time soon. It has even gotten some spinoffs, although for some reason The Unmarried Neuter: Search for the Perfect Non-gendered Partner has not been as successful as its predecessor.

Man v. 'Mon

A large question within the Pokémon world's scientific community is this: in ancient times, before any fancy technology, how were humans' ancestors able to survive among monsters who could each melt your face off a million different ways? Man v. 'Mon answers this. It turns out that it's not too hard for people to live among Pokémon with nothing but their wits, as long as they are promised a large cash prize for participating. The basic premise of the show is simple: 16 people are left stranded on an island full of wild Pokémon. They have no Poke Balls or food. They do have specially picked clothes, though, just to ensure that they look "camera-ready". Then they compete to survive—hunting and capturing Pokémon, building shelter, finding food, all that Hunger Games-esque stuff. In fact, Man vs. 'Mon is essentially The Hunger Games plus Pokémon, and you can imagine how successful a show like that would be.

Unfortunately, because killing people is illegal in Pokémon society, the producers of the show had to figure out another way to eliminate contestants from the show. At first, they considered creating challenges and having teams in order to over-complicate the process, but then they had a revelation: they would do absolutely nothing. They would let the contestants run free through the wilderness and wait for each of them to crack and forfeit, one by one, until the last contestant standing went home with the grand prize. Then they would edit out the boring, uneventful parts (of which there were many) and create the show. That's the format that the show has taken up until now.

Each contestant on the show wins a cash prize no matter what, depending on where they place in the competition. The first one to forfeit wins 5000 Pokedollars and the last one standing wins 1,000,000. It may sound like a win-win situation for both the producers and the contestants, but most contestants from Man v. 'Mon return to their homes suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and all sorts of miscellaneous injuries, meaning that the cash they win almost certainly goes towards their medical bills. Every contestant is also required to sign a liability contract before their participation on the show, meaning that they can't hold the show responsible for anything that happens to them. You would wonder how anyone in their right mind would want to be in a competition so extreme and ruthless, but the producers of Man vs. 'Mon are flooded with applications before every season of the show. Ah well. At the end of the day, who cares about the applicants? Seeing people get attacked by hordes of rabid Pikachu is quality entertainment.

Dexbusters

The Pokedex is notorious for containing some of the most surreal, unbelievable, and downright disturbing entries about Pokémon. It's quite surprising that, with so much scary information about Pokémon at their fingertips, people in the Pokémon world aren't boarding up their homes in fear of a Dusclops Apocalypse, ("It is said that those who look into its body are sucked into the void"; holy shit) or something along those lines. However, it turns out that many of these supposed "facts" are completely false, and a group of people who call themselves the "Dexbusters" have made it their mission to find such entries and prove them wrong. Because of the Dexbusters, one no longer has to worry about their ship being sunk by a Sharpedo, getting hit with a natural disaster every time they see an Absol, or losing every time some guy brings a Victini into battle. They have also refuted other, less off-putting entries, such as that of Pidgeot; a quick internet search proved that accelerating to Mach 2 speed would reduce the dignified bird to mush. The Dexbusters have also tested a few questionable entries that turned out to be true all along. They never found that Youngster, or the Drifloon that kidnapped him.

Dexbusters is easily one of the most popular shows in the Pokémon world, and for good reason. It's a show that makes you think and, unlike Extreme Pokémon Competitive Makeovers, lacks controversy (well, except for the Drifloon incident; they prefer not to talk about that). The Dexbusters have been awarded countless times for rekindling public interest in Pokémon biology, and their show is very informative. They have made quite a few discoveries themselves, unknown to the scientific community beforehand. For example, they found that the "Honey" that so many Pokémon risk their freedom to get is actually a powerful, highly addictive hallucinogenic. Following that episode, Honey sales tripled, and people began catching masses of male Combee. Sadly, they quickly discovered that Honey only affects Pokémon as a drug, and to us, it's just honey. Bummer.

Conclusion

Well, there you have it: seven of the most popular reality television shows from the Pokémon world. Just to reiterate, these are all completely real, and so I hope you've enjoyed this exhaustively researched report regarding Pokémon media. Because, that's exactly what it is.