(Picture: EA Illustration for Metro.co.uk)

When you’ve grown up in a certain community, you’re likely to be acquainted with its shortcomings.

If you’re a woman, you may turn to a safe medium such as Twitter, to voice your frustrations against men in the community.

But South Asian women who do this are starting to face an alarming response from the men they criticise: ‘We get it, you like black guys’.

She might also hear the same phrase if she happens to reject a South Asian man romantically, even if race has not played a part in her decision.


The retort is problematic for many reasons.



First of all, why are black men in particular brought into the argument?

And, why are black people used by Asian men who are unable to grapple with rejection or criticism thrown their way?

It homogenises black people and reduces them to a tool with which to attack opinions.

This comment is not only hurtful to black men, but the presumption takes away the legitimacy of the woman’s criticism and her agency. Just because she complains about her male peers is not to say that race plays a role in her choice of partner.

South Asian girl: he- South Asian boy: I don’t care about ur past bby, just tell me u ain’t been with no black boy — ???? ????? ? (@1malab) June 25, 2018

When women complain about not being suited to men from the same community, racists who use the ‘you like black guys’ quip see it as a personal attack on their community.

To them, the woman is airing her dirty laundry (internal community discussion is expected to stay internal).

Zarah*, a South Asian woman who dated a black man, told Metro.co.uk she looked introspectively to make sure she didn’t fetishise black men nor choose them at the expense of her own kind.

‘I’ve never chosen one race in place of another,’ she explained. ‘I like Asian men, I like black men, but I think the anti-blackness of some Asians really shows when I tell them I’ve liked or like black guys. They don’t understand it. One guy was even startled as to why I’d dated a black dude. I find that behaviour disgusting.’

Akhter, a male student, told Metro.co.uk the misogyny in some parts of the community and anti-blackness ‘fit like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle’.

‘When women criticise (misogyny), reactionary brown men get angry and think they’re challenging their community’s integrity,’ he said.

‘They use the “we get it, you like black boys” quip as a vent for their frustration mixed with their racism, and quite frankly it’s counterproductive and further alienates women from our community.

‘What they also don’t understand is that there’s nothing wrong with a woman liking any man of any race (as long as it doesn’t turn into fetishisation); it doesn’t challenge the integrity of our community.’

yall need to understand lol, brown girls who complain about brown men don't do it because they think white/non-brown men are superior to us, they do it because we have a serious issue in our community. Stop being so insecure and reflect on the issues that you need to fix. — نخلستانى (@KHATARAKHTAR) June 25, 2018

Some Asian men feel women who say they don’t like members of their own group are displaying internalised racism (racist attitudes towards members of their own ethnic group, including themselves), which is a legitimate concern considering that some people do look down on their own roots.



But, it becomes even more problematic when men use that criticism to legitimise their anti-blackness.

You can’t assume that a woman likes black men as a result of internalised racism.

Sometimes, women don’t even need to mention Asian men but are still faced with the same phrase.

Women who oppose racism against black people or avidly support black excellence are told they’re doing it to impress a black guy.

But it is possible to do these things without trying to rally romantic interest.

Collating the two shows that some Asian men think supporting black people must be due to an ulterior motive, and that black people are not worthy of being supported or loved in their own right.

Black men are also hypersexualised when they’re prescribed as the go-to demographic for Asian women; hypersexual generalisations are made about black men by all groups.

One of the other instances in which an Asian woman may hear the comment is if she rejects an Asian man, usually online.

The assumption made by the reject is that if she doesn’t want to engage in a conversation, it’s because she has her eyes on a black person.

The comment is deployed by a man who truly thinks a romantic black partner is not a worthy opponent, and therefore can feel better about himself under the false impression that it’s his race that has affected his chances – and not the fact that the woman doesn’t find him attractive.


It’s a symptom of the anti-blackness that plagues some members of the Asian community.

Jennifer, another South Asian woman, has heard this response a number of times.

‘I don’t see how me not wanting to speak to a random person correlates to my preference in men,’ she told Metro.co.uk.

‘It’s like a sort of racism embedded in some Asian boys where they can’t deal with being rejected by Asian girls, as if we owe them something just because we’re the same colour.’

What’s even more troubling, is that the phrase itself calls on the woman to go and be with a black person, not white or any other ethnicity. Partly because, for some of these men, to be with a black person transcends all expectations and boundaries of romantic etiquette.

And it’s definitely a gendered problem – Asian women who see Asian men critiquing them do not respond with ‘we get it, you like black women’.

Men who feel attacked by female criticism might want to check their privilege and understand where she is coming from. Women who have an aversion to Asian men might also want to check whether internalised racism has played a role.

Thankfully the phrase is not plaguing the whole community, but rather a misguided, misogynistic bunch who have yet to realise the error of their ways.

*Names have been changed.

MORE: What is a hoejabi and why is the term problematic?

MORE: British Asians still have a complicated relationship with sex

MORE: Immigrant parents were eco-friendly before it was cool

Advertisement Advertisement