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Bloody vegans! Always judging me for what I put in my mouth. It’s my body, my personal choice. What gives them the nerve?

Elitist fixie riding hipsters.

Vegan propaganda is rife, in fact I made a list. We need to stop this!

10 Annoying Things Vegans Do

1) The amount of billboards I see on my way to work promoting The Broccoli Industry’s corrupt agenda. Remember the celebrity endorsed “Got Broccoli” ads? As if that’s the only way I can get calcium. I don’t need David Beckham with a floret beard telling me what to eat, thanks.

2) The food pyramid. Bit top heavy on the veggies, no? As if plants have all the protein a human needs to grow! Have you seen those scrawny Silverback Gorillas?

3) That fancy-ass “Nut milk”. Come on. How unappetizing does that sound? “Drink nut milk for strong and healthy bones!” they say. Excuse me, but I’d rather tug on some cow udders. Cows need to be milked don’t you know? They were put on earth to feed humans, not their own babies – fools.

4) Cartoon veggies. Bloody everywhere, smiling and promoting products with their own chopped up body parts in! What kinda sick fuuuu..!

5) And on the topic of cartoon characters, what about the ones plastered all over that highly processed, factory farmed vegan ‘food’? “Buy this cruelty free happy meal and get a free toy!” – manipulation by marketing moguls at its finest – kids love that garbage.



6) Some might think I’m a crazy Vegetable Rights Activist when I say this but.. we’re taught that the pronoun for plants is ‘it’, as if they’re just some kind of object or commodity. They’re individuals! Plants have feelings too. I mean, they don’t have central nervous systems or scream and bleed when you cut them open but, seriously… how can vegans sleep at night knowing that they’re funding such a cruel industry?

7) A carrot is a carrot is a carrot. Why are you trying to force me to see something for what it really is? It’s totally misleading. Take a leaf out of the meat industry’s book and use euphemisms like no-one’s business. Bacon, ham, leather, steak. In this day and age it’s important we stay disconnected from our food. I mean, who’s gonna wanna buy a chunk of dead pig flesh? Jeez.



8) MEMES! Can we talk about memes for a second? And trolls? God damn, I am so tired of anti-carnist jokes. “Broccoli tho”. Come on guys, where’s your originality? Those veg-heads must be lacking in B-12

9) “Humane” slaughter. GTFO – how can you cut the eyes out of a potato humanely? Of course that shit’s gonna hurt, I don’t care how much you loved him.

10) And the worst thing? Facts! Always coming at me with the facts. As if that means anything. I’m gonna need more evidence that animals feel pain before I give up my bacon sandwiches. Bigger correlation between colorectal cancer and meat consumption please. Climate change who?

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