Married people cheating on their spouses is not a new phenomenon. However, seeing the dramatic increase in cases one wonders what’s lacking and going so wrong within the “sacred” institution of marriage. Adultery is frowned upon by families, by society, and even by religion. Yet people throw caution, morality and fear of God to the winds and pursue, sometimes with reckless abandon, love and lust outside of marriage. We need to re assess what marriage means, it’s role, requirements and legalities and what value it brings in todays modern era. Pre-marital sex was taboo so at one point marriage was necessary if you wanted sex. Women traditionally stayed at home and played the role of nurturer, while the man was the provider. It was necessary for children but today single people are simply adopting kids or having kids out of wedlock. With taboos lifted off pre-marital sex and women seeking money and job satisfaction outside the home, the reasons for getting married have dwindled. It’s become more of a prison and less of fairy tale. Unmarried couples are tossing old world fantasies of “marry and live happily ever after” and sarcastically say, “Marriage? It means honey I love you so much I’m going to get the government involved so that you can’t leave. Divorce involves arduous fights, involving tough laws and the spouse threatening to take the shirt off your back before they go”. So people just choose to stay “stuck” in loveless, sexless marriages and feel justified playing the field to satisfy their desires for intimacy and caring. Children being a key reason for getting married and also for not getting divorced has additionally shaped a growing adulterous population. “For the sake of the children”, financially dependent women don’t have the courage to leave their philandering husbands, live in emotional pain, or have their own indiscretions. One may mockingly say that an adulterous man is having the best of both worlds, it can’t be a good feeling for him either to be sneaking around in fear of being caught, and seeing pain, suspicion and sadness is his wife’s eyes every time there is a whiff of it. The institution of marriage needs to change its prison like ambience and court processes need to be swift and effective. We need to reinvent the institution of marriage so it’s not viewed as obsolete and a trap. People should be able to gracefully exit what’s not working and we shouldn’t empower adultery to become acceptable escapism.

I would like to change my job but my boss keeps saying that he will spoil my name in the job market. He has also asked me for sexual favours which I had to abide to, lest he spoils my career. What should I do?

I think the person who stands to get their name spoilt is him, not you. Make a case of it by gathering text exchanges and also recording conversations that highlight your plight. You’re only a victim if you allow yourself to be one. Put your foot down, apply for another job and tell your boss clearly if he attempts to spoil your name, inform him you have recordings of what you have been subjected to, and that you will have no qualms letting his family and the police know about it.

My ex-husband has filed a case for my child’s custody. I am financially not strong enough to afford lawyers who can represent me and thus have roped in a few of my friends to help me out. But no one seems to show interest or help. I have even considered ending my life. What should I do?

If you don’t have money for lawyers, perhaps, if your husband is in a good financial zone it might be better to have your child get quality education and a better life under his care. A father is as much entitled to the child as a mother. If he is a bad father, there are many women’s rights organisations that you can turn to for help in this regard. Ending life is so silly. It’s like saying “ I can’t be a mom to my child at the moment, so I will let my child down for life” Your child will become an adult and then be able to decide how to balance time between both parents. Custody is just a few years. Parenting is lifelong.

I was dating a guy for the past two years and we recently decided to part. But, his mother calls me up every day saying that she cannot imagine anyone else as her future daughter-in-law. This isn’t helping me to move ahead in life. What should I do?

That’s a huge compliment. Thank her and laugh and tell her you wish she had another son. Take her daily calls as your daily dose of “how amazing you are”. Let it not bind you. Let it give you strength, positive self-image, and wings.