For the last few weeks, I have been trying to go through multiple channels to speak out about my sexual assault. During fall quarter, I was sexually assaulted by Beatrice Contreras, this year’s EVPLA candidate for OPP, and have started trying to speak out about it recently due to her anti-sexual violence platform.

I originally tried to publish the story through the Daily Nexus as an op-ed, but after being hesitant about it for almost a week, they finally decided not to publish the story for fear of the appearance of “mudslinging.” OPP is good at creating an omnipresent force that caused them to fear lawsuit for libel – which it wouldn’t be – and a Judicial Affairs case against me and the Daily Nexus. OPP has created a safety net around Contreras by surrounding her with people in positions of power. I tried to go through Elections Committee and Judicial Affairs, both which I initially did not trust, due to feeling pressured by the Daily Nexus to do so in order to gain credibility for the story. I even went to the police, when reporting sexual violence to law enforcement as a survivor can be incredibly triggering and when police presence at all is often triggering for marginalized identities and communities. However, it was still not enough.

Prior to elections, I did not publicly come forth with my story because Contreras was widely known in A.S. circles as my mentor. But watching her speak constantly and proudly about how she works to end rape culture, to end sexual violence, about how drunk consent is not consent – I finally snapped. In the middle of winter quarter, I began to speak about the assault within my social circles and rumors began to circulate. During this time, Contreras suddenly stopped attending Take Back the Night meetings and events, despite having been very actively involved as their Senate liaison. Take Back The Night heard the rumors and contacted me for more information. I confirmed that I was the survivor and they removed her from TBTN as their liaison.

They told me: “when we informed her that it would be necessary to remove her, she did not respond with any discernable emotions. Her response was ‘Okay.’ We asked if she would like to know why we were removing her, and if she was curious about our decision process, she said ‘No.’ We did not push to give her more information because we did not want [the survivor] to face backlash for coming forward. The lack of engagement in the conversation on Contreras’ part was surprising. Since then, Contreras has made zero contact with Take Back The Night.”

It is also difficult to find people who will believe me because a great struggle I face in this situation is that I do not fit the mold of society’s ideal survivor nor does she fit the mold of the ideal assaulter. I am an openly queer woman of color, and so is Contreras. Because of this connection and sense of solidarity, Contreras was widely known in A.S. circles as my mentor, or as she referred to herself, my “mama bear.” I trusted her wholeheartedly, I saw her as one of my role models. And she abused this position of power and betrayed my trust. For the students involved in A.S. spaces who know both Contreras and me, I know that I am not a saint – I am an average person, and whatever persona I may give off does not justify my assault. Coming out as a survivor is always difficult when we live in a culture that routinely slut-shames women, delegitimizes the need for full consent, and tells women they were “asking for it.” But in a situation where both parties involved were queer women of color, and had a close platonic relationship prior, these methods of silencing happen even more strongly in ways very particular to their identities. And although anti-sexual violence advocates have been trying to get the point across forever that the majority of sexual assaulters are people close to the survivor, people don’t really seem to want to believe it when it happens in their own lives. Her close mentor relationship with me made it possible for this to happen, and that is not a valid argument against my experience. For months, despite fully supporting the admirable work done by TBTN as a safe space for survivors, I could not bring myself to wear their t-shirt or attend their rallies due to her close connection to them.

Please be aware of the backlash that I’m going to receive for speaking out on my experience, how hard this process was for me, and how difficult being a survivor is on this campus. I hope that I can potentially provide an avenue for people who have also been assaulted by people in power to speak about their experiences.

I am not trying to pull any political move. I am a survivor who has continuously been made unsafe and silenced on this campus. As someone who has seen people use sexual assault as a platform for campaigning and political power, I cannot remain silent despite all those who have tried to keep me that way. This is what rape culture looks like.

Sincerely,

Crystal