Brett McGinness

USA TODAY

Remember that episode of South Park where no Little League team in Colorado wanted to win? This is the live-action version of that, except the fate of the free world is at stake. Team Clinton gave VIP access to the Taliban-loving, LGBTQ-hating father of the Pulse nightclub shooter Monday night, then Trump countered on Tuesday by telling his audience there's nothing anyone can do about Hillary Clinton, except for "the Second Amendment people." If they're both simultaneously trying to blow the election, how would we be able to tell?

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Will no one rid me of this troublesome opponent?

"Hillary wants to abolish, essentially abolish the Second Amendment. By the way ... If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Though the Second Amendment people, maybe there is, I don’t know.”

Did Donald Trump ask supporters to shoot Hillary Clinton if she's elected president? His campaign says no, but on the other hand, #ManyPeopleAreSaying he did. Not us, but many people say that! We don't know who to believe, really.

If you're siding with Trump, he wasn't making any sort of threat -- he was talking about how supporters of the Second Amendment would ensure a Trump victory in November. Or perhaps more plausibly, in the event of a Clinton presidency, how the NRA could pressure enough senators to vote against her judicial nominees. Or if you're Paul Ryan, you might say it was "a joke gone bad." “It’s called the power of unification – 2nd Amendment people have amazing spirit and are tremendously unified, which gives them great political power," senior communications adviser Jason Miller said in a brief statement. "And this year, they will be voting in record numbers, and it won’t be for Hillary Clinton, it will be for Donald Trump.”

On the other hand, if you believe Trump was channeling Henry II (or Sharron Angle), he may have straight-up called for supporters to murder a political opponent. If that's the case, then we've finally solved the mystery of "Make America Great Again" -- apparently, America was great in 1804.

Probably a good time to update security procedures anyway

At a Monday rally in Kissimmee, Florida, Hillary Clinton began her speech by paying tribute to the victims of the Pulse Nightclub shooting. And sitting behind Clinton on the stage was Seddique Mateen, father of shooter Omar Mateen. West Palm Beach-based WPTV noticed Mateen and spoke with him twice later that day. When asked if Clinton knew he was sitting behind her, Mateen said, "It's a Democratic party, so everybody can join." The Clinton campaign said they had no idea Mateen was part of the on-stage crowd until after the event, which was open to the public.

Jump perpendicularly and protect your head

If the Trump Train is traveling at 80 mph and Election Day is 90 days away, how many Republicans are going to jump off between now and November 8? So far, most of the folks disavowing Trump aren't facing voters anytime soon, if at all. The most notable examples over the past few days -- the 50 former national security officials and the communications director for the Florida Republican Party -- don't hold elective office at all. Senators Susan Collins of Maine, Lindsey Graham of South Carolina and Ben Sasse of Nebraska are all solidly anti-Trump, but aren't up for re-election for four more years; even the ambivalent ones -- Ted Cruz of Texas, Jeff Flake of Arizona and Dean Heller of Nevada -- aren't on the ballot this year.

Note to aspiring #NeverTrump Republicans: Your best chance for survival after jumping from a train is to wait when the train is going uphill. If that's your plan, great news -- looks like you should be all set right about now.

More from the campaign trail

Parents of 2 Benghazi victims sue Hillary Clinton (USA TODAY OnPolitics)

Trump: 'I have altered the debates. Pray I don't alter them any further' (USA TODAY OnPolitics)

Dems think a Hillary blowout victory could win them control over both houses of Congress (Asbury Park Press)

Police: Man beaten with crowbar for wearing Trump shirt (Asbury Park Press)

Bernie buys new home/zombie apocalypse fortification on Vermont island (Seven Days)

Fact: Trump doesn't hate babies (PolitiFact)

Take your Facebook back

Can't wait 90 days for your Facebook feed to return to normal? Here's how you can block posts about the campaign, particular politicians or issues, or pumpkin spice lattes, because it's only a few weeks until the pumpkin spice latte people start posting again.