BUTTE, MT—In a glitzy venue filled with the biggest names in the wildlife community, the nation’s bison hosted an opulent gala fundraiser Friday in an effort to convince the 2020 Democratic candidates to support the environment. “This is a great opportunity for us to get a lot of face time with the presidential candidates about addressing our needs in their platforms,” said Heidi Grumblebelt, a 2000-pound spokesbison for the “Center For Herd Progress” super PAC, looking radiant in an Alexander McQueen gown as she showed off the grass dishes at each $1000-a-trough table setting. “This year we’ve partnered with sister organizations in the tree and eagle communities, many of whom donated prizes for our silent auction. We know that money talks, so hosting this event for major Democratic candidates is the best shot that American bison have of seeing their agenda in action.” At press time, a whistleblower revealed that nearly all of the money raised had been embezzled to buy extravagant new grazing fields for the gala organizers.

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