It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!

BTS – Lights

BTS continue to be that super-average group that everybody likes but that doesn’t really have anything special about it either, the Marshall stack of k-pop groups.

BTS – Heartbeat

This, too. I know part of BTS’ marketing is that they’re supposed to be all “important” and shit but I don’t see how they’re going to convince anyone of that by mimicking Coldplay from 20 years ago.

Gfriend – Fever

If they were going to jump onto the bullshit tropical shithouse trend 2017 would have been the time to do it, but I guess Gfriend were too busy fulfilling their “songs that don’t suck” quota back then.

Honey Popcorn – De-aeseohsta

Yua Mikami took a break from taking loads… of cash, to put out a better Gfriend song than Gfriend this week, we should all be thankful. Now I’ve just gotta learn how to say it properly on-air. Radio DJing is a hard life.

Produce 101 – Pretty Girl

I just thought I’d put this here to give people the heads up that yes I’m aware that Produce 101 is a thing again and the answers to any questions about it are “eh”.

Ailee – Room Shaker

Ailee tries to be like Blackpink in your area but her song is not quite the revolution.

Eun Jiwon ft. Blue.D – I’m On Fire

Not a bad beat, imagine if it had a good song over it.

Gavy NJ – See You Again

Over a decade in the business, still can’t fucking use a microphone.

UHSN – Popsicle

No official video or live performances here, sorry. But then I don’t think you’re missing a lot.

E-Sens – Son Of A

Son of a what, I’m not sure, but presumably this isn’t an Iron Maiden tribute. A pity.

#Gun – Park

How slow and boring can a rap song be. Not slow or boring enough, apparently.

Sejin – Why Is My Love So Difficult

I don’t know, maybe you shouldn’t show your date your MP3 playlist so soon into the relationship.

Stella Jang – YOLO

Actually the looped construction of the track is cool, it’s just a pity that the song over the top is pretty crap once it finally appears. Also if there’s a song that really didn’t need a rap this week, this is it.

Lofibaby – SOS

The guy in this group has a keyboard kit to rival Mario Mathy.

Sohlhee – He Ghosted Me

Material for a thousands Kpopalypse post headers of girls looking at their phone as if they’re reading my bullshit postings about them.

Ezuz ft. Kyungri – Latte Is Horse

If I was in some nugu Korean group, I’d sling ex-Nine Muses members a few bucks for a cameo too.

Thornapple – Galaxy

This song never really gets going the way it should.

Mandy – BlueMoonLight

Given that it’s a “producer top billing” track and therefore the usual rule of suckitude applies, Mandy obviously felt it wasn’t worth making too much effort for the video. Quite smart, really.

Yoyomi – How Much More Should I Cry

Yoyomi’s face is so smoothly BB-creamed that while looking at her nose I noticed a fresh spot of grime on my monitor and was able to clean it off thoroughly before she moved away.

Younha – On A Rainy Day

However I still think Younha out-BB-creams her in some isolated scenes here.

Lazybone – Tropical Night

No it’s not tropical shithouse for a change, but a cool ska-punk song complete with Rancid-style walking bass. This is what Gfriend should have done instead, right Korean Indie?

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Lamb Of God – Laid To Rest – drum cover by Ayeon

I’ve been telling people that Ayeon isn’t just a pretty face and has got mad drumming skills for years, but she usually posts pretty easy-to-play stuff up on her channel that doesn’t really back me up on that. I mean, while there’s certainly nothing wrong with her version, most beginner-to-intermediate drummers can probably make a decent fist of Metallica’s “Sad But True”, me included, because it just ain’t that hard folks. However “Laid To Rest” isn’t easy at all, it’s not the fastest metal song ever or anything but there’s definitely some pretty deceptively challenging timing aspects especially in the breakdowns, so now I’m finally vindicated. The audio quality isn’t that great here unfortunately, but I’m sure if you look hard enough at the video you’ll be able to find ways to distract yourself from the fairly poorly-recorded cymbal sound.

That’s all for this week – Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!