Everything Lesbians Fight About, in Haiku

Illustration by Kelsey Beyer

When you dress in the

same outfit by mistake, who

is the one to change.

Whether it’s okay

to use an old sex toy on

a current partner.

Whether Starbucks cups

are compostable/shame for

not bringing your own.

We’ve been broken up

six months. Should we be going

back to therapy?

Whether it mattered

if the “special brownies” you

made were organic.

Sometimes you’d rather

watch the U.S. women’s soccer

team than have sex.

Whether or not to

watch The L Word again in

its entirety.

By the number of

gifts given, you clearly love

the cat more than me.

Who takes the minutes

at group meetings for Knitting

To End Oppression.

Are you crazy? There’s

TOTALLY LESBIAN SUBTEXT

in this book/film/show.

Babe, BABE. I KNOW how

to assemble this dresser

from IKEA. TRUST.

You don’t understand

or nurture my special crush

on Peter Dinklage!

Whether or not you’re

fighting the “right” way. Worksheets

and lists are involved.

This porn is hot, but

shouldn’t we get off to

womyn-owned, indie smut?

Who will kill the bugs

(or lovingly trap and then

free them in the wild).

Is “Living Room” by

Tegan and Sara creepy

or misunderstood?

Kristen Stewart.

Is _____ (fill in the blank)

fictional character REALLY

gay or REALLY bi?

Sometimes you’d rather

watch another Orange Is the

New Black than have sex.

Have you reconciled

your identity with your

race and class privilege?

No, but really. Let’s

talk about this. Do you love

the cat more than me?

Whether this dolphin

documentary is too

triggering to watch.

Whether it’s worth it

to spend $12 on raw,

cruelty-free honey.

Whether said honey

oppresses bees and should be

on our “no buy” list.

Whose love was MORE REAL

for Alice in The L Word,

Dana’s or Tasha’s?

WHO KEEPS TEXTING YOU?

LET ME SEE YOUR PHONE. *Scrolls through*

WHO’S “MOM”? WHO IS SHE?!

It’s MY turn to wear

the sparkly unicorn vest.

You wore it last time!

Whether to watch a

terrible movie for six

minutes of gay sex.

You forgot (again!)

the reusable tote bag

for the groceries.

Who has the bigger

crush on Carrie Brownstein/best

way(s) to seduce her.

The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!) comes out in April and cats everywhere are already disinterested and sleeping on your laptops like they always do. Sign up for Anna’s newsletter for more info, more haikus, and more transference.