Let me, the king of skateboarding, explain

I am an excellent skateboarder. In the year 2000, I took my skateboard to school and showed everyone in class what the “trucks” were. They were astounded and definitely did not ridicule me. Since Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, I have been an eminent skateperson in the virtual realm too. I am the 44th best player of OlliOlli 2: Welcome to Ollywood (on the PlayStation 4). I am the only one at RPS who knows how to sundergrind. It’s a thing, but don’t google it, it’s under a lot of other results.

So I am happy to play Skater XL, a skateboarding sim that recently came to early access on Steam, because I must show you how unrealistically it presents the hobby which I love, the pastime at which I excel without peer. It is a shocking distortion of the sport.

In real life, for example, I would have landed this grind perfectly.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



And I would not have done this.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



In reality, I would not have launched this sick jump too late.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



Nor too early.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



In life, my momentum is constant and assured, but in Skater XL, it is not.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



It is not an accurate reproduction of my talent.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



I real life, I would have landed this rail, zero errors, attempt #1.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



Skater XL, with its single level and small map-modding community, is not a realistic and enjoyable skateboarding sim. It is an impudent lie.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



Skater XL could have been a spiritual successor to the Skate series. It has a lot to praise: flippy analogue sticks, cool physics, lamp posts.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



But it is flawed, because it does not allow me to display my real life prowess, which has been praised by several big names, although you won’t know them.



To experience this #content, you will need to enable targeting cookies. Yes, we know. Sorry.

Manage cookie settings



In short, I cannot recommend the seemingly good Skater XL, even in its brief, prototypical form. It is simply dishonest about skateboarding. I would show you what I mean this afternoon, in the car park, but my skateboard is in the repair shop. Maybe next week.