VANCOUVER – Private-clinic owner Dr. Brian Day has called for a constitutional challenge for an oath he says is a relic of the past, no longer useful in today’s society.

“There’s so much in there that isn’t true today,” explained Dr. Day. “For example: ‘I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures that are required…’ I’m sorry, ‘all measures’? I hope that doesn’t include working weekends.”

Day has long been a challenger of Canada’s medicare system, insisting that those who can afford private care should be given priority access over those who cannot. He is a proponent of a private-public partnership system which he says will streamline care, upgrade efficiency, and “will be really really awesome for me because it means I get paid twice.”

He continues that is is wholly unfair that doctors, per the Oath, should be required to remember that [he] remains a member of society, with special obligations to all [his] fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

“I became a doctor mostly for the yachts I like to buy,” declared Day. “And I guess helicopter rides. But I want the freedom to enjoy them whenever I want. If I have to come in to a public hospital and perform surgery on some sort of poor person, that’s time I can’t spend out on the seas.”

He added that Canada guarantees freedom of belief and expression. Therefore he should be free to refuse “to care for a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person’s economic stability”. Moreover, the wealthy should have the freedom to believe they can pay exorbitant prices for treatments, and to express that belief through cash, debit, credit, or unmarked briefcase.

Dr. Ryan Meili, spokesperson for Canadian Doctors for Medicare, argues that Day’s system will only vacuum resources from the public sector. Day counters that it is his constitutional right to damage public institutions by providing parallel services for the rich, in order to save them an easily-affordable, but inconvenient, trip to the US.

Dr. Day could not be reached for further comment. He was discovered to have snuck out a back door to avoid treating a man having a heart attack in a shirt clearly purchased at Giant Tiger.