ASHBY, NE—In what experts are decrying as an utter failure to embrace one of life’s greatest opportunities, fertile woman Ashley Wilson, 16, reportedly hesitated on the first step of the incredible journey of motherhood Monday and instead asked her boyfriend to use a condom. “You have protection, right?” said Wilson, who, discovering herself on the glorious threshold of nurturing a tiny miracle inside her body, inexplicably turned away from her chance to reap the joyous rewards that come with decades of motherhood by using a contraceptive. “Better safe than sorry, you know?” Sources later confirmed that Wilson also threw away the bitter gifts of wisdom and restraint that come with contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Advertisement