PORTLAND, OR—Saying she couldn’t believe she went to all the effort, 26-year-old Kara Velasquez expressed anger and frustration Tuesday at having gotten completely drunk just to be stood up on a first date. “What the fuck—I spent the last hour getting plastered for this?” said Velasquez, slurring and partially spilling her wine onto the bar at the Cavern Pub, where she had arrived early with the express intent of getting highly intoxicated before her date arrived. “I am totally shitfaced now, and for what? To have this asshole Greg or Craig or Tim or whatever flake on me? Unbelievable!” Determined not to have the evening be a total waste, Velasquez told reporters she planned to text an ex-boyfriend, but at press time, was vomiting in an alleyway in the rain.

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