In October, award-winning Young Adult author James Dawson hit the headlines when he announced he was transitioning into a woman. In an exclusive new column, Juno invites GLAMOUR readers to share her journey. Part one: what does being a woman even mean?

Becky Maynes

Once upon a time there was a little girl. Like all little girls, she quickly established life wasn't always a walk in the park. It wasn't so much that she had a willy, it was more that everyone around her insisted on calling her a boy; buying her boys' clothes and making her play with boys' toys.


I never thought I was a boy. I was a small child, so forgive my limited view of gender, but boys were rubbish! Their clothes were dull and their toys didn't even have hair to brush. But people told me I was a boy and, as I had never seen or heard of a trans person, I just accepted it. It didn't stop me day-dreaming, though. As I'd schlep around Tammy Girl or C&A with my mum and sister, I'd pick out a fantasy wardrobe and wonder how I'd wear my hair if I were a girl.

I came to understand no amount of prayer was going to magically turn me into a girl

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The day you stop believing wishes can come true is a miserable one. I came to understand no amount of prayer was going to magically turn me into a girl, but this revelation came at about the same time I fell in love with Dean Cain - who played Superman in Lois & Clark. While I had no concept of a trans person, I had heard of being gay. People told me I was a boy, and I fancied Dean Cain, so I guessed I had to be gay.

For a decade, I was pretty happy with that.

I dated guys as a guy. I had two careers - one as a teacher and another as a Young Adult author and built a successful life for myself. However,

I was keenly aware that something was just out of reach. That feeling when you go out and worry you've left the hair straighteners on. No matter how much I achieved, or how handsome my boyfriends were, something always felt out of sync. It was me, I was out of sync with myself.


While doing a writing workshop at a school,

I met a young trans woman who had started high school as a girl. I can only imagine the bravery it took an 11-year-old trans girl to turn up on her first day at an inner-city London school in a skirt. I can't imagine the grief

she must have endured in those early days.

By the time I taught her, the rest of the school, to its credit, had pretty much stopped caring.

Lee Faircloth

For me, it was the catalyst I needed. If

she was brave enough to make the transition at school, I had no excuse. It was time for me to accept that I should have always been a woman.

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For the first time ever, I'm not introducing myself as James, but as Juno. Choosing that name has taken months. For a while I was Jamie, then Jaime, then Jain, before giving up entirely on the whole 'pick a name that sounds a bit like James' thing. Cisgender people (that's people who agree with the gender they were given at birth - it just avoids anyone being described

as "normal") should consider themselves lucky

that they don't have to choose names. It's

bloody hard work. But I like Juno. It means 'Queen of the Heavens'. Can't argue with that.


Where am I at? Transition is a noun and

a verb. I am 'trans' and I am also 'transitioning'. Right now, you join me at the very start of a long process. I'm on a (considerable) waiting list to start the medical interventions that will drag my body in line with how I identify, and how I feel.

I can't pretend I'm not scared. I'd be a woman without medical procedures, but

I strongly feel they are something I both want and need to feel… fulfilled. At least I hope I'll feel fulfilled. There are no guarantees, but when in life are there?

As far as I know, this is the first time

a transitioning woman has written a regular column in a women's magazine. I am hugely grateful to GLAMOUR Editor Jo Elvin for bringing trans issues slap-bang into the mainstream.

Until now, it wasn't entirely clear where trans people belonged. We're not always gay - gender and sexuality are two completely separate things - but we often sought refuge in gay bars. LGBT stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender, but trans, if we're honest, always felt a bit tagged on. While I am proud to be a trans woman, it's the second part that I'm interested in. The reason I'm putting myself and my family through this process is because I feel I am a woman.

Just one of the reasons I love GLAMOUR is that it pushes a very clear message: there is no one way to be a woman. I've lived as a man and a woman, and let me tell you, women (far more than men) are told constantly how they're getting it wrong. We're inundated with conflicting messages: drink this, eat that,

always wear this, never wear that. This noise builds and builds until you're left feeling like you're somehow failing at being a woman.

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Well, now imagine all that and also being born with a winky. Double fail. Recently, Germaine Greer, an early feminist icon, stated that I'll never be a woman in her eyes because

of my biology. I don't think women should be entirely defined by their biology or we're on some very thin ice. That kind of thinking limits women to being baby-making machines. There I was thinking that the Pill had forever changed what

it meant to be female. Greer seems to think that trans women are trying to break into the secret sorority of womanhood to bring it down from the inside, like a Trojan Horse in Mac and Burberry. Hardly. All I want is to be treated like a woman.

Greer also said that trans women "sound and look like men". But what does a woman sound like? What does a woman look like? Sometimes women are tall. Sometimes they're petite. Some are curvy, some are boyish. Some have dark skin, some are very pale. And yes, some have a penis.

I know that's a really difficult thing to get your head around because we've all been raised on such limited notions of what men and women are and should be, but I honestly believe there are infinite ways to be a woman and none of us are getting it wrong.

You can't have missed that 2015 was

a watershed year for trans awareness. If you haven't heard of Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox, you must have recently returned from space. Perhaps you've also heard of models Aydian Dowling or Andreja Pejić. Maybe you saw the lovely Rebecca Root in Boy Meets Girl, or Paris Lees, who pops up regularly on Newsnight.

I owe all of those trans people a huge debt because they made it that much easier for

me to come out as a trans woman. They have created a platform and I'm just starting down

a route that they started years ago. That said, following Caitlyn Jenner's glossy covershoot for Vanity Fair, I worry that casual onlookers might think that's how transition works: you do an interview with Diane Sawyer, pop off for a few weeks and then return looking a million dollars. Well, that's what a million dollars gets you.

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jamesbooks/Instagram

No. Transitioning is slow, and hard, and frustrating. I'm only just getting started and

I don't for a second think it's going to be plain sailing. This column starts here and moves

to the GLAMOUR website each month, where

I'll document the ups and downs of my transformation. It's not a one-way conversation, either: I need your help. Seriously. Already, it's abundantly clear that living as a woman is hard work. I need your tips. Like, if there's some way

I can stop my legs feeling like a cactus about

five minutes after I've shaved them, I'm all ears.

I'm not just interested in the biological aspects - it's about the way society treats women, the way we're portrayed in the media, the rites of passage I've missed out on, my relationships, it's about misogyny and sisterhood. All these things fascinate me. Women put up with so much bullshit, and here I am eagerly buying into it. 'Trans' and 'woman': two concepts, one column.

All any trans woman wants is to be taken seriously and accepted


All I or any trans woman wants is to be taken seriously and accepted. We want

to be believed. If this column helps make

a little room at the table for trans women, I'll consider it a roaring success. By asking me to write this column, I think GLAMOUR is sending out a wonderfully positive message: trans women are women. I just want to be one of the girls, and I hope you'll let me be. I do hope you'll join me on my journey. It's scary - but it'll be less scary if I know there are friends waiting on the other side.

Until next time,

Juno Dawson x