So I was perusing the inter webs today and came across this “best pizza in Chicago list”. I read it and I was appalled at how misleading it is. I mean, someone not from Chicago could be reading this, and our reputation is at stake. A few of these places are in Wicker Park and only a few blocks from where I live and I haven’t even heard of them. Eddie and I took Dente on a tour of a few spots about 2 months back and didn’t hit one of these places, probably a good and bad thing. He would have shit on anything regardless.

Their list:

Pequod’s – 8.6

Spacca Napoli – 8.5

Pizzeria Bebu – 8.2

Vito and Nick’s – NR

Forno Rosa – 8.1

Bonci Pizzeria – NR

Etta – 8.2

Paulie G’s – NR

Jimmy’s Pizza Cafe – 8.0

Union Full Board – 7.7

Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder – 8.2

Piece – 7.9

Nelle Pizza e Pasta – NR

Art of Pizza – NR

Parlor – 7.5

Homeslice – 7.6

Happy Camper – 7.4

Paradise Park – NR

Burt’s – 8.2

I’m gonna start off by saying this list completely fucking stink’s. I’ve eaten at 9 of the 19 places listed. Most of them I haven’t even heard of. I won’t judge those, but judging by their pictures I wouldn’t go there unless dragged to by a group of friends. Let’s start from the top:

Vito and Nick’s:

Bomb pizza. The best pizza on the (far) South Side. If you give me the choice between Vito and Nick’s and Palermo’s I’m taking Vito and Nick’s 10 times out of 10. My score: 8.5

Art of Pizza:

2 stores, one in Lincoln Park, one in South Loop. I have only had the south loop one and it rocks. Not the best pizza I’ve ever had, but I’d gladly order it whenever and be happy. My score: 7.9

Pequod’s:

The only deep dish pizza I ever crave; Lou Mal’s is good and all but give me Pequod’s or give me death if I have to eat deep dish. Also, to anyone not from Chicago reading this: the vast majority of Chicago prefers tavern style thin crust pizza. Most deep dish places are tourist traps. My rating: 8.2 but I’m grading on a scale because it’s deep dish. I only prefer it a time or two a year.

Piece:

Ehhh…. It’s okay. Good craft beer selection I guess but I don’t really like their pizza. I’ll eat it but it’s whatever. It’s not true blue Chicago pizza. This video makes it look way better than it is IMO. It’s okay. Not good, not great. It’s the best of the artsy hipster places in Chicago though My score: 6.5

Homeslice:

More NY style than chicago. It’s greasy as fuck and doesn’t really do it for me. It’s edible but not anything more. Better when drunk than sober. My score: 5.8

Parlor and Happy Camper:

Parlor:

Happy Camper:

I grouped these together because they might as well be the same goddamn place. “Artisan” and “craft” pizzerias. I don’t like them. Not, one, bit. I’m hard pressed to even call it pizza. Sorry if this offends. My score: 5.5

Chicago Oven and Pizza Grinder:

Not pizza, so don’t call it that. It’s good, if waiting 5 hours to eat is your kinda thing. I’m not gonna say it’s pizza though, because it’s not. My score: no score. It’s not pizza. Stop calling it that.

So yeah, this list stinks. And I think anyone from Chicago would agree.

Here are my top 5 pizza places in Chicagoland:

5. Vito and Nick’s – see above

4. Art of Pizza – see above

3. Tortorice’s

Underrated as FUCK. Poor location at Grand and Damen, but their pizza is fucking great. It’s my go to delivery place. If you haven’t changed it, give it a shot. You won’t be disappointed. My score: 8.0

2. Phil’s Pizza – 35th street

The very best pizza in Chicago city limits, and I don’t think there really is a close second. Did Bridgeport do it again or did Bridgeport do it again? Cash only and they won’t deliver as far as I live, so I plan out my trips to Phil’s. It’s a little hole in the wall place, so it’s in and out. If you haven’t had Phil’s, go there as soon as you can.

1. Al’s Pizza – Warrenville

Go ahead. Give me all the shit you want for choosing a pizza place 25 miles outside the city. I do NOT care. It’s the best pizza on earth, and that’s a fact. Take a look at these pictures and tell me I’m wrong. You can’t. I almost want to rent the place out and bring a select group out there to prove my point.