Share 0 SHARES

A RECENTLY published report into the latest school shooting in Florida has found as many as 300,000,000 registered gun owners in America did absolutely nothing to stop a former student fatally shooting 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, WWN can confirm.

A week after one of the deadliest mass shootings in modern US history, America’s gun owners denied all blame in not acting sooner to stop Nikolas Jacob Cruz, a 19-year-old former student at the school, from executing 14 pupils and 3 staff members with a military grade assault rifle.

“I was over 3,000 miles away,” one cowardly Californian gun owner defended, despite not doing anything about the previous 188 school shootings in the last 18 years, “what was I supposed to do? My gun doesn’t shoot that far”.

Echoing his wimpy stance, hundreds of millions of Americans also took no responsibility for last week’s murders, with many admitting to being confused as to which one they were actually supposed to react to.

“Which 2018 school shooting do you mean?” asked New York resident and self-confessed gun fanatic, Chad Frazer, “do you mean the one on January 20th, or the one on the 22nd, or the one on the 23rd, or the one in Philly on the 31st? Or you talking about February’s school shootings, which landed on the 1st, 5th, 9th or the last one on the 14th? Because reacting to them all would be a full-time job for all 300mn of us”.

Meanwhile, US President Donald Trump has since pardoned the rest of America by blaming the entirety of the latest shooting on one man, Deputy Scot Peterson, after he failed to confront the suspect with his semi-automatic handgun.

“Hanging is too good for him,” America’s 300mn gun owners later chimed in unison, “if only we were there, none of this would have ever happened”.