NEW YORK—Taking time away from yelling at a falafel cart vendor, James “Sully” Sullivan, says he has never been more disappointed in a Knicks prospect than he is with Knicks rookie Kristaps Porzingis.

“I was right there, ready to boo him with all the rest of you,” the New York native grumbled. “I was much happier when I was pissed off at Carmelo for jacking up another iso jumper from 18 feet.”

The man, whose face was frozen in a perpetual scowl, like a gargoyle in a flat billed Knicks cap, continued, “Zingas is good at a lot of things. Shooting, posting up, defense. I’m only good at one thing, and that is complaining about the Knicks.”

With the Knicks showing incremental improvement, Sully is afraid that his talent for seeing the worst in a situation could atrophy in the years to come. Sullivan found the recent canning of embattled Knicks coach, Derek Fisher, particularly vexing.

“Dude was classless. Do you realize how satisfying it is to claim someone has ‘no class?’” Sully huffed. “I can’t say that about Kristaps. He lives in White Plains with his frickin’ parents!”

Sullivan shook his head and glared at his falafel and muttered, “I mean, at least with Sprewell, we weren’t sure when he’d snap and strangle a ball-boy or something.”

Sullivan said the impressive start for the exciting Knicks rookie hasn’t kept him from being negative about the future. “My father always said, you just gotta not believe, and eventually, bad things can happen.”



Update 03/02/2016: Sullivan emailed Pine Jockeys early this morning after reading the news that Porzingis declined a prom date with a fan. “Maybe, just maybe, he is a total asshole. I’m holding out hope.”