This isn't an article for whether or not to try and get your ex back or if you should forgive them for cheating. This is for the people who have no choice because there is no going back to them. There could be lots of reasons why and how you ended up here. They could have lied to you one too many times and you know you have to move on. You could have showed your dark side too soon, now they are terrified. They could be hurting you, manipulating you or even just using you for sex. They could have dumped you while making it clear that there is no chance for even being friends. Or worse, they already moved on to someone new.

Unfortunately, this is something I have a lot of experience in. So I wanted to make this blog to try and help others out there. I know it's hard, I know it hurts and I know literally everything you look at reminds you of them. At least take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone, lots of people have gone through what you are going through right now. Also, your ex might even go through worse than what you are going through with a future lover. One day the ground might be taken from their feet and only then will they understand what they have done to you. Until then, let's focus on taking of you.

Step One - Delete their Number

If you don't want to delete their number you can always throw away your phone or break your fingers instead, but really just delete their number. If you have their number memorized like I did, this is going to be a hard one. I did call him a few times and it became more painful every time, one time he was at the new girl's house as I heard her ask to take the phone so she could yell at me. Please don't do what I did, don't call them.

Don't worry, if you have their number memorized, you will eventually forget it... but it took me three years to forget his. In the mean time you have no choice but to practice self-control.

Step Two - Get a Hobby

You need something to keep your mind off of them, this is where your new hobby comes in. I know a guy who volunteered at an animal shelter to do this. I personally threw myself into school until I eventually went to University. However, I feel like plane building is a more realistic option. There are hundreds of hobbies out there, do whatever works for you.

Step Three - Masturbate

This is your time to really shine as a masturabator, especially if you are a woman! Try all kinds of new things. Ice cubes, warm clothes, feathers, water, toys! Try something new and then try something else new. Hopefully you get a new routine and relieve some stress.

Please don't try casual sex, it doesn't help as much as a good masturbation session and it carries the risk of STI's. However, if you do decide to try casual sex as a way to get over your ex, just please use a condom because it is the only real way to protect you from STI's. Even if you are on birth control, just remember that some STI's are permanent, when even babies can be aborted if the circumstances are dire enough.

More importantly, don't do anything illegal like masturbating in public.

Step Four - Let It All Out

Try to keep yourself together in public, at work or school, but keeping it all bottled up can lead to more serious problems ... like having a nervous break down in public. (I've had a couple, that's how I know). A great solution to this is to giving yourself 15 minutes a day when you are allowed to think about them. This 15 minutes can be spent screaming into a pillow, crying in your bathroom or making a creepy shrine to them. Just please destroy the shrine immediately after the 15 minutes are up. A better solution to making a shrine is probably writing them a letter and immediately destroying that instead. The letter doesn't have to be to your ex, it could also be to their new bae, or to whoever you feel could take some blame. I even went as far as writing an angry letter to my ex's mom.

Step Five - Try Self Love

You can actually take yourself on dates and compliment yourself, self-dating is most definitely a thing and I'm always confused why there isn't a national holiday for it yet.

Don't repeat the same stuff you did with your ex, your relationship with yourself is completely different and way more important. Some ideas for things you can do is, buy yourself flowers, have takeout at home alone with a glass of wine, take a long bath or even something as simple as going on a walk by yourself at sunset.

Step Six - Build a New Identity

If you were with them for a long time, chances are that you feel like your identities are intentangled. This hurts and I'm sorry you are going through this right now. Building your identity will be best thing in giving yourself a rock to hold onto. Lots of people get a new job, move to another city and many more extreme things. If that's what you need to do to re-build yourself, then by all means please do it. However, you don't always have to pick something so extreme. Something as simple as a new style in clothes or even building new values and interests work amazing well too. I got a new haircut and some new preppy clothes, I even took out all my face piercings. It was a dramatic change from my family's point of view, but it was needed by me to feel more secure with the idea of future without him. Getting a new group of people to socialize around is also extremely helpful.

You don't have to completely give up your previous identity, you can still take bits and pieces into your new one. However, a breakup is a great time to look forwards instead of backwards. The future can be an amazing place if you want it to be.

Step Seven - Ask for Help

Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. In a way, asking for help when you really need it is a form of strength in itself. There are multiple ways to ask for help, you don't have to go straight to mutual friends. You can try doctors, counsellors, distant relatives. What worked for me was eventually going on depressants , I know this isn't for everyone but I wanted to make it clear that it is ok to try them. If medication isn't your thing, theres always things like yoga instead.

Learn about the five stages of grief. While grieving is usually associated with death, I most certainly grieved my first break-up. It was hard to understand what was going on at first, but once I got to bargaining I was able to figure it out. Just to clarify, the five stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. If this sounds like you, then yes it is super safe to say you're grieving. Please don't listen to your ex's mutual friends who might think that sounds ridiculous. If you are grieving it is also important to note that these stages might not necessarily go in this order, you could go from denial to anger, then back to denial again. It's frustrating and I'm sorry, but you'll get through all five steps eventually, I promise.

Good times to ask for help are if you are becoming depressed, unable to cope, isolating yourself from your friends and family or if you simply just want someone to talk to. If you are still struggling after six months, it's a good time to consider looking for external or maybe even medical help.

Step Eight - Trying Laughing About It

This isn't something you will be able to for a very long time, or maybe even ever depending on the circumstances. If you want to give this a try I added two slightly angry but being single supportive stickers below. Sometimes humour can help you even when you are in the most dark corners, but like I said, this isn't something you will be able to do right away.

Step Nine - Ignore Them

If they try to contact you, you can't fall into their trap again. To be honest, they will probably try contact you again eventually. When my first serious relationship ended I caught him kissing my best friend and I got physical. Our mutual friends started to see me as a crazy ex, which I kinda was. I even shared thoughts of following him to see how bad the betrayal was. Despite the horrible reputation I made for myself and how terribly things were left between us ... four years later he tried to contact me.

Please trust me when I say not to reply that message, it is probably out of self-interest and will more likely hurt you than give you closure.

Step Ten - Closure

Chances are, there not going to apologize and you're not going to get the closure you want. If they do apologize that's great and I'm happy for you, but please consider other options just in case they never do. It's possible they will never even realize that they have done something wrong.

There are ways to get closure without even talking to them. You can try something more civil like writing a letter (and not sending it) or pretending to talk to them. You can go on vacation to get space from them. You can throw out their stuff, or burn their shirt they left there. You can even bury something that belonged to them, just please don't bury your ex or their dog. Bury like a necklace they gave you. Maybe your closure will be finding someone new, but please don't mistake this for a rebound, that just hurts more people.

The truth is, I don't have one simple answer for what will give you closure, you have to try multiple things until you find what works for you. Even if you know of something that worked well the last time you needed closure, it could easily not work this time. Every time you need closure, it will be unique.