We’ve all experienced a foot-in-mouth conversation. Whether we’re on the receiving end or the giving end of a cringe-worthy comment, though, it’s unpleasant for everyone involved.

You may say that pregnant women are more susceptible to hearing things that make their eyes go wide, blood pressure soar and/or set them off on an emotionally-driven “Oh no you didn’t!” response. Sometimes it’s a stranger who offends, other times it’s a close friend, family member or — Lord, help him — the gentlemen who’s partially responsible for the percolating babe.

We here at PregnancyCorner.com pride ourselves in helping pregnant women through the taxing emotional and physical gestation journey. Today, though, we’re helping out those who either know — or come into contact — with pregnant women regularly. If you’re a pregnant woman reading this, we highly recommend forwarding this one on.

Without further ado: 20 things you should never, ever, ever say to a pregnant woman.

20. “Are you sure you’re not having twins?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Commenting on anyone’s size is a major no-no. Just because a woman’s pregnant does not make it OK to remark on her body.

19. “You’re going to breast feed/bottle feed, right?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: The way a mom wants to feed her newborn is completely up to her. Whether she chooses to breast feed or use a formula is her business and hers alone. It’s best to steer away from this topic completely unless she brings it up. If the topic arises, subscribe to a “listen instead of lecture” mentality.

18. “You really shouldn’t be eating that/drinking that/doing that.”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Ultimately, what a pregnant woman decides to eat, drink or do is between her and her physician. You can bet that she’s had extensive talks with her OBGYN regarding what’s OK and what isn’t, so keep your comments to yourself.

17. “I did X, Y and Z in my pregnancy and I think you should, too.”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: You may have given birth without the assistance of an epidural. You may have worked out every day for 30 minutes up until contractions started. You may have chosen a midwife and home birth over a hospital. That’s great, but unless she’s asking for you to share your experiences and recommendations, don’t give unsolicited advice.

16. “Make sure you sleep/go out/enjoy life while you can!”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: This statement implies that a pregnant momma won’t have any kind of a life — or sleep ever again — just because she’s delivered her baby. Newsflash: parents can have a life, too! Sure, their sleeping schedules may be wonky for a while and priorities change. That said, it’s not like every single drop of fun will cease just because there’s a baby involved. If anything, having that baby makes life even more enjoyable.

15. “It’s too bad you have to go back to work right away.” Or, “It’s too bad you’re giving up your career to stay at home.”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Deciding on the appropriate maternity leave time — and whether or not to commit to the role of stay-at-home parent — is a very personal choice that pregnant women give a lot of thought to. In other words, they’ve already made their decision and it was based on a list of factors that affect them personally, so your input on the matter is unhelpful and can even be hurtful. Women struggle a lot with the topic of career vs. family and, as a result, feel guilt no matter what they decide. Be supportive and don’t lecture.

14. “That’s a bummer about your stretch marks/swollen feet/hair loss/acne/excess weight gain.”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Never comment on another person’s body woefully — even if she’s pregnant. Those remarks sting and linger.

13. “Are you sure you’re able to do that?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Again, she’s had a lot of talks with her OBGYN and is familiar what her body can and cannot do. If she looks like she’s struggling with something (grocery bags, lifting something, etc.), by all means offer to help. Just don’t assume she cannot do it. Nobody likes to feel disabled.

12. “Aren’t you too young/too old to have a child?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Look, the baby’s coming no matter what, so there’s no sense in remarking on a woman’s age while pregnant. This is her decision and whatever comments you make will not change a thing. They’ll only hurt her feelings or anger her.

11. “Whoa! You’ve gained so much weight! Is that healthy?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Just don’t comment on a person’s weight. Even if she gained too much weight, that is a conversation topic exclusively reserved for her OBGYN. Unless you’re a trained physician, just don’t go there.

10. “You should really put on a little more weight. You’re too thin for a pregnant woman.”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: The same explanation above also applies here. You are not an authority on appropriate pregnancy weight, so don’t comment on hers.

9. “Was your pregnancy a surprise or planned?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: This is definitely a taboo subject. Unless you want to embarrass yourself and the pregnant woman, don’t broach the topic. She can offer that information up on her own, but otherwise that’s a fact reserved for her and the baby’s father.

8. “Can I feel your belly?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Props if you ask first, but many pregnant women aren’t fond of fondles. If you’re close to her (say, a dear friend, family member or spouse), that’s one thing. If you’re a stranger, though, it’s best to not ask.

7. “You are definitely hormonal right now…”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Unless you want an evil glare or the cold shoulder, don’t make a peep about her hormone levels. This is akin to saying, “You must be PMS-ing!” which never bodes well for the commenter. Sure, her hormones may be out of whack, but commenting on them isn’t going to help.

6. “I don’t know how you’re going to make it through the summer/winter/etc.”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: She’s pretty familiar with the seasons and is aware that being pregnant during the hot summer or icy winter isn’t ideal. This isn’t the worst thing you could say to a pregnant woman, but there’s no need to remind her of Mother Nature’s fury.

5. “Just wait” or “It’s just starting…”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Just because you were feeling a certain way during your pregnancy, doesn’t mean other pregnant women will experience those things too. This is also a statement you should avoid saying to a first-time mom – a person who is typically feeling high anxiety, stress, and overwhelming fear about what’s to come. If a pregnant lady says, “my back hurts” or “my feet are swollen,” do not come back at her with a statement such as, “oh just wait! You’re only in your first trimester. You haven’t felt pain yet.” Instead, try to be more understanding. In fact, a simple head nod will let her know you understand and sympathize with how she is feeling. This may also be a good time to offer your services, such as a 5 minute foot massage. Trust me, a 5 minute foot massage will go a long way

4. “No baby yet?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: If a pregnant woman is approaching or past her due date, do not ask her if there’s a baby yet – especially if she’s noticeably still pregnant. She’s more frustrated than anyone that her baby has yet to arrive, and the last thing she needs is a reminder that she’s still pregnant. At the end of the gestation period, most women will do their best to enjoy their last few days and weeks of pregnancy, but let’s face it: it’s hard to be 8-9 months pregnant. It’s painful, tiring, and emotionally difficult. Not to mention the fact that most women at the end of their pregnancy are sleep-deprived.

3. “Are you done yet?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: If you’re referring to our saying above aka she’s still pregnant, then please re-read it. If you ask a pregnant woman if she’s done yet while she’s venting, eating, or doing anything for an extended period of time – leave her be. Be more supportive. If she’s venting about things that are ridiculous to you, then pretend you care for as long as she needs to vent. If you think she’s eating too much (she is eating for two, hello?!), asked to be excused from the table. Never come between her and her food.

2. “Where are you giving birth?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Honestly, this is none of your business. It’s no one’s business except who the mom-to-be thinks should know. And just as importantly, if you are going to ask this question, do not do it on social media. This opens the door for any and everyone to know where her baby is going to be birthed, and she may feel forcefully compelled to tell you simply because you asked. Believe it or not, this is a hot topic too. Lots of people believe you should give birth in a hospital no matter what, while others feel it would be best to bring their baby into the world at home, or in a birthing center.

One mother said, “people made me feel like I wasn’t doing the best for him because I wasn’t going to the “best” hospital. I had to hear, “they will lifeflight him to St. Joes” if something is wrong. Also, I had to hear their experiences which was irritating and sometimes frustrating because it didn’t help to hear a list of bad things right before I gave birth.”

1. “Did you get pregnant before or after the wedding?”

Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Does it really matter when the baby was conceived? Is that the most important issue at hand here? Babies happen. And it’s no one’s business when or how that miracle came about. And for pete’s sake – just don’t go there! If you aren’t close enough to her to know, then it’s probably best if you leave it that way.

Are You Pregnant?

Did some of these things leave you boiling? Been there… done that? Well, don’t worry. Now that we’ve talked about what people shouldn’t be saying to a pregnant woman, let’s go over some clever comebacks that are perfectly acceptable, and tailored to you – the momma to be.