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Don’t try to get even

You may want to trash-talk your partner on Facebook, fantasize about keying his car, or maybe have an affair of your own. In the movies when people are learning how to get over cheating, their first course of action is sometimes to get even. But in reality, this is not a good first step. Acting destructively to even the score will do no good—and may even have financial consequences. “Trying to get even keeps your anger alive, and keeps you in a state of negativity, which will prevent you from moving on and going forward in your life,” says Jane Greer, PhD, a New York-based relationship expert and author of How Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal. “It will keep you stuck and won’t allow you to heal.” To recover from the infidelity, you need to try to be on the same team, not opposing ones. “Getting even will give the vengeful partner a momentary sense of satisfaction,” adds Irina Firstein, LCSW, a New York City-based marriage and couples therapist. “But ultimately it’s not going to move you toward any resolution and will only make things more complicated.” Watch out for these subtle signs that your partner is cheating on you.