While family mediation is about helping to resolve differences, it is not about helping to repair the relationship. The aim is to help you agree on how to live apart.

Following the breakdown of a relationship, it can be very hard to agree on how to divide money or property and to make arrangements for children. Sometimes it is simply too hard to do by yourselves. When discussing the practicalities, reason and compromise often give way to hurt and anger when people feel more vulnerable and less fair than usual. For these reasons and more, many people find it useful to seek help from a third party.

One option is to meet with your ex and a mediator. A mediator is trained to help you put your feelings aside and focus on the things that need to be sorted out. This process is called mediation.

The mediator is not there to judge, take sides, or decide what’s fair for you. Their role is to help both of you arrive at a decision that you both consider to be fair. A mediator will not give you legal advice nor will they draw up legal documents, so it is a good idea to see a solicitor as well, and the mediator will be able to tell you when that is required.

Most people’s first thought is to hire a family solicitor in the first place to negotiate on their behalf. This is usually more expensive and can increase tension and hostility between you and your ex. While this may not seem like an issue at the time, in the long term it isn’t helpful.

Even with help, sometimes people simply can’t agree and have to take the issue to court for a decision. This is a stressful and expensive process and best avoided if possible.

Some people believe they can “protect themselves” by going straight to court, but this isn’t necessarily how the system works. Any agreement reached through mediation (or any other way) can be written into a legally binding document or a court order. One advantage of keeping it out of court is that not only is it cheaper, but you can actually have a say in the agreement, and that is far better for both you and your family in the long run. Courts now insist on evidence that you have looked at the possibility of mediation before hearing a family case.