For years I prayed for a young man I had yet to meet: my daughter’s husband. I asked the Lord to make him godly, kind, a great dad, and a good provider. I was proud of a wish list void of unrealistic expectations. After all, I knew not to ask for a college football quarterback who loved puppies, majored in nuclear rocket science, and wanted to take his expertise to the mission field. I was an open-minded mom.

But God called my bluff.

This white, 53-year-old mother hadn’t counted on God sending an African American with dreads named Glenn.

Glenn came to Christ in college and served him passionately. He worked while attending classes and volunteered at church in an after-school program for urban kids. He graduated and found a job as an application developer for Blue Cross and Blue Shield. I noticed he opened doors for my daughter, Anna, even at the grocery store.

Godly. Kind. Well on his way to being a great dad and a good provider. I could only smile at God’s plan and asked his forgiveness for my presumptions. Still, my impressive wish list for Anna’s husband paled in comparison to her own: “He loves Jesus, Mom. That’s it. That’s my wish list. Jesus lover.” Then a grin came across her face. “It’s really awesome he’s also cute, right?” Anna took a deep breath and with a sparkle in her eyes asked: “So, Mom, what do you think?”

It wasn’t long ago that interracial marriage—particularly a black man like Glenn marrying a white girl like Anna—was considered the ultimate taboo in American white society. (In fact, it was illegal in 16 states until 1967, when the Supreme Court ruled in Loving v. Virginia that race-based restrictions violated the Constitution’s Equal Protection Clause. Hence the film releasing this fall, Loving.) Though I never shared this prejudice, I never expected the issue to enter my life.

To the parent like me who never envisioned her daughter in an interracial marriage, here are eight things to remember when your white daughter brings a black man home for dinner.

1. Remember your theology.

All ethnicities are made in the image of God, have one ancestor, and can trace their roots to the same parents, Adam and Eve.

As you pray for your daughter to choose well, pray for your eyes to see clearly, too. Glenn moved from being a black man to beloved son when I saw his true identity as an image bearer of God, a brother in Christ, and a fellow heir to God’s promises.

2. Remember to rejoice in all things.

If your daughter has chosen a man who’s in Christ, and assuming there are no serious objections to their union, loving her well means not only permitting an interracial marriage but also celebrating it. My daughter’s question, “What do you think?” needed more than a tolerant shoulder shrug. She needed to know I loved Glenn too. I’m deeply grateful my daughter chose this particular man, and I try to tell him often.

3. Remember no Christian marriage is promised a trial-free life.

One woman in church looked over at Anna and Glenn and gingerly asked, “Are they . . . dating?”

“Engaged!” I grinned and winked at them.

She gave a pained smile, and then sighed and shook her head. “It’s just . . . their future children. They have no idea what’s ahead of them!”

I nodded. “When Jim and I were married, we had no idea what was ahead of us either. I stopped believing the lie we could control our trials years ago.”

John Piper said it well:

Christ does not call us to a prudent life, but to a God-centered, Christ-exalting, justice-advancing, counter-cultural, risk-taking life of love and courage. Will it be harder to be married to another race, and will it be harder for the kids? Maybe. Maybe not. But since when is that the way a Christian thinks? Life is hard. And the more you love, the harder it gets.

4. Remember to be patient with family members.

Calling Uncle Fred a bigot because he doesn’t want your daughter in an interracial marriage dehumanizes him and doesn’t help your daughter either. Lovingly bear with others’ fears, concerns, and objections while firmly supporting your daughter and son-in-law. Don’t cut naysayers off if they aren’t undermining the marriage. Pray for them.

5. Remember your daughter’s ultimate loyalty is not to you or your family, but to the Lord.

Several people asked Anna and Glenn, “Which world will you live in—black or white?” But it’s not his world, her world, or even our world.

Interracial marriage in Christ is not about the joining of two races and cultures into one. It’s not about a new ethnic heritage. It’s about unwavering allegiance to the one true God and all he may require of the couple as soldiers of Jesus. After all, Christians are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light” (1 Pet. 2:9).

6. Remember the groom’s family.

Before the wedding I reached out to Glenn’s mom, Felicia. As we sat and talked about our children, we realized we have similar hopes and dreams for them. As we share a common bond, I’m hopeful Felicia can become a friend.

How might Christ be honored if such relationships were being built alongside every interracial marriage?

7. Remember heaven’s demographics.

As Anna and Glenn stood before our pastor and joined their two lives into one, I realized their union was a foretaste of a glory yet to come: “After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes” (Rev. 7:9).

8. Remember to die to your expectations.

As a nervous young man sat in my living room, I handed him the ring my deceased husband gave me the day he asked me to marry him. With a lump in my throat, I swallowed hard and said, “Glenn, have a jeweler put it in a new setting and make it your own. It’s precious to me, but you and Anna are of far greater value than that.”

Far greater value indeed.

Parents, teach your daughters early to choose well. Pray hard and often. Then trust her judgment to the sovereignty of God, and rejoice with her in the goodness of God.