Here’s why you shouldn’t kill yourself

Hint: your existence is the least of your problems.

Edgar Mitchell stared outside the window of Apollo 14 and it painted a picture that, at the time, only six people out of four billion have the privilege of viewing: it was a gigantic blue sphere floating in space that humans called “Earth,” getting larger and larger as their spacecraft gravitated (or floated) towards it.

His feet just touched the surface of the moon a few moments ago. From the window, he could see the earth, the moon, the sun, and the stars.

He was in heaven, literally and figuratively.

He suddenly realized that every molecule in his body, the spacecraft, and the other astronauts’ bodies all originated from some ancient star similar to the three spheres that he is seeing with his own eyes. The same molecules that are governed by the same constants that Newton proposed hundreds of years ago.

Like a gush, he was filled with an overwhelming sense of unity. It was all the same parts, same components, and same rules that are all playing the same game. All of it no different than you and I.

We are made from the fragments of dead stars. Molecules and particles colliding, breaking, and fusing again and again until it hits the right combination. It’s like a game of cosmic slot machine in a galactic casino that took approximately 13 billion years to hit the jackpot and only 1.5% (approximately 200,000 years) of that is the entire history of human existence.

And the last 2019 years? Only 0.01%… of the 1.5%.

That 0.01% includes the birth of Christianity, the invention of the printing press, the monetary system, the establishment and fall of the East Indies, the independence of America, the French Revolution, the Industrial revolution, the two World Wars, the collapse of the Soviet Union, and the living proof that humanity finally arrived at a point in time where it can destroy the world in one day if it wills it: the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Oh, and the entire digital revolution that created the internet which made it possible for the whole world to connect like never before and for you to read this article.

Even with all that, the amount of things we still do not know as a collective species completely dwarfs the knowledge that we have accumulated over thousands of years. Billions of souls that have lived and are all living but still no one capable of explaining or even determining the true purpose of their very existence.

Einstein said that there are only two ways to live your life: either to consider nothing in this world is a miracle or that everything is a miracle. I would like to put my chips on the latter: that we are already a miracle just by existing.

To put things into perspective, there’s an unlimited number of ways to create an object in the universe through four components: adenine, thymine, cytosine, and guanine. Arrange these together into one existence and we’ll have what scientists call the DNA or the “code of life.” Why is it the code of life? We do not know. All we know is that they exist and they make up everything that we can see from the phone you are holding right now to the very existence of your entire being.

And out of all the infinite number of possible results, the universe decided that it will arrange it in a way where it will have two hands, two eyes, two feet, well-functioning limbs, and a brain capable of complex speech: a human, living on possibly the only planet that (as far as we know) can sustain it.

You are the product of billions of years of trial and error that resulted into the precise formula that created your very being. Just the process of thinking is only made possible by the electromagnetism that governs the neurons in our brains — the same forces that hold all our molecules in place.

All of this while the curve in space and time that we call gravity is keeping your feet on the ground, completely keeping your face safe from hitting the ceiling. The same forces that regulate the nuclear fusion that powers the stars. The same stars that billions of years ago, gave their very existence to create oxygen, nitrogen, and carbon that also make up our bodies — elements that allow us to exist in the first place.

All of this facilitated by the fundamental constants of nature. All obeying a certain set of rules like the speed of light and gravitational constant. For what reason? Who created it? Was it God? Or is it just a simulation made by supreme beings from a parallel universe with an extra dimension? We do not know.

And that’s okay.

Not everything is meant to be known. Not everything has to make sense. If there’s one idea that I absolutely hate and would potentially advocate against (if I was given the proper looks and charisma) it would be that the world, as we know it, is “boring” and “not worth living.”

I don’t think so. I absolutely do not think so.

Everything, as we know it, is not normal and that’s okay. There’s nothing normal about reality itself and that includes everything that you went through or are going through.

And again, that’s okay.

As Exurb1a (YouTube content creator and a huge inspiration for this article) would have put it:

“Reality is just an insane jigsaw puzzle devised by a madman that has persisted long enough for us to accept as routine.”

I don’t know what you’re going through right now. Maybe you’re losing friends or losing your path in life. Maybe you do not like where your life is heading or you’re having doubts about your choices, relationships, and very being. Maybe you’re having a shit time right now and nothing is making sense.

I’m very sorry to hear that.

But I recommend, from deep in my heart, that it’s possible to put things into perspective. That maybe, even just for a moment, put a stop to whatever you are doing right now, take a deep breath, and remember that every atom in your body is the direct result of laws that came from some place or some time that we don’t and possibly won’t ever know.

That it took the universe its whole lifespan of 14 billion years, trying and failing and trying again and again and again, just to put you exactly where you are today: smoking a cigarette by the balcony, drinking coffee on a rainy weather, or just lying in your bed staring at the ceiling wondering what to do with your life while scrolling through memes.

To remember that there is a mystery or a miracle called “reality” just in your plain sight and that there are questions that are far greater and deeper than what we know or will ever know. To remember that everything, down to the very foundation of its existence, makes no fucking sense.

That there are questions that demand every fiber of our being, every air in our lungs, and every beat in our hearts. Questions that demand the collective effort of the entire human race and that includes you, your feelings, your fears, doubts, wants, experiences, and your overall potential as the peak of Earth’s entire existence because to be honest…

All of us don’t even have a clue about why we’re here in the first place.

And that’s okay.