Christine Hatterson-Waters has been fired from her position of homeschool teacher for having sex with her student. Which was her son. Because that's what homeschooling is.

Photo Credit: Jaime Byrd

Mobile, AL. Jake Waters, 15, has been homeschooled for the last 3 years and he found himself in a situation that he did not like. He was enticed into sexual relations with his teacher under the penalty of more homework and less prayer if he didn't comply.

"To punish me, she told me I couldn't pray until I had sex with her." said Jake.

Considering this was the first time that Jake was in school, he didn't actually understand what was happening, he told police. According to Jake, he hadn't actually been to school before that. "Mama said it was full of transformers, you know men that turn into women robots in the bathrooms. I never actually seen one before, but I rarely goes to the bathroom inside."





Ms Hatterson-Waters explained that it was her right to homeschool her son. And the guidelines in Alabama are some of the most lax in the country.





"I don't want him going to that Immunized infected school where everyone blasphemes and thinks we come from monkeys. if we come from monkeys, then why does the banana fit into our hands so well. You can't explain that can you? I'm an American." said Ms. Hatterson-Waters.





When the police told her that it was illegal to have sex with someone underage she was quick to remind them that he had his parent's consent.





At which point Jake accused her of having sex with him to get back at his daddy, who had sex with her sister, to which she replied, "It's his sister too." Luckily through political gerrymandering, the police realized that they weren't in their jurisdiction and left.





When asked about the curriculum, she shouted at the top of her lungs, "I teach the three G's - Guns, Gospels and Jesus." When I asked if she meant 'God', she laughed and slapped me on the back and corrected herself to "Guns, God and Jesus."





#satire #parody #religimarole #homeschooling #Alabama #Jesus