Melania OK! Just Needs One Quick Drink Before Returning.

Jun 05, 2018

First Lady Melania Trump has not been seen for many weeks, once again, creating speculation about her whereabouts, with many theories veering into the realm of pure conspiracy.

After weeks of silence, on May 30th she stuck her head out and tweeted "I see the media is working overtime speculating where I am & what I'm doing. Rest assured, I'm here at the @WhiteHouse w my family, feeling great, & working hard on behalf of children & the American people!"

But this just made things worse. Many were quick to point out that the tone is unlike her, especially use of the words "working overtime.” It sounded as if Donald had gained access to her Twitter account and was Tweeting from the Lincoln bedroom.

Well calm down everybody! We here at The Tilted Glass have our sources—secretaries of secretaries, various underlings of underlings—and our people have learned that Melania is live and well, independent and free.

She just needed to fix herself a special drink. And one for her husband too. And that drink takes time to make. Here’s a video clip of the process.

So that’s all people. Go back to your lives. Go back to your televisions. Put your head back in the sand, beach sand that is. It’s summertime! Sexy men and women and beer and all the best waves await you. Nothing to see here. Move along.