FOR Tim* the end of his marriage came violently, when his wife pulled a knife on him and repeatedly punched him in front of one of their children.

Describing the last few years of his marriage as “hell on earth”, Tim says his wife became increasingly violent and volatile, controlling the finances and socially isolating him by dictating who he could talk to — a role reversal from the usual domestic abuse cases the public hears about.

He went to the police station after the latest attack, but said once again the authorities didn’t believe him despite having a black eye.

“Since then it’s been a constant battle of trying to see my children,” he said, adding he last saw his kids six weeks ago and until recently had been living in a homeless hostel. “She’s told me I’ll never see my kids again.”

At this point, Tim’s voice wavers, the tears start to flow and the outwardly macho-looking man hops up to grab some paper towel — the nearest thing to a tissue he can find. But he’s not afraid to hide his emotions in this environment, in fact they’re welcomed. And he’s not alone in his desperation.

Tim is one of seven men gathered around a circle on Tuesday night in a small room at St Bartholomew’s House, a homeless and social housing facility in East Perth.

It’s the weekly Dads in Distress (DIDs) support group meeting, which The Sunday Times was invited to witness, where men can come to experience what they say they don’t in the outside world: non-judgment and a chance to be heard and believed.

Their stories have commonalities — separation from children, parental alienation and marriage breakdowns, and custody battles that have them homeless and broke.

“I was told to remove my kids from my wife but I had nowhere to go,” Tim said.

Camera Icon Allan Paterson during one of the Dads in Distress meetings. Credit: PerthNow, Daniel Wilkins

He said even though he’s the protected person under a violence restraining order he has against his wife, he worried about false accusations being thrown his way and wondered how he would afford his looming Family Court of WA battle.

Every DIDs meeting has a minute’s silence and an empty chair to remember those no longer here, dads who were so despondent and depressed they took their own lives. .

Facilitator Alan Patterson shares with the group his own story that still gives him nightmares. In 2007, three years after his marriage break-up, he received the phone call every parent dreads — his 17-year-old daughter Kate had taken her own life.

“She blamed herself, she was caught in the middle of it and it wore her down,” he said.

Mr Patterson said through his grief his one saving grace had been the group.

“It’s a sense of belonging I don’t get from anywhere else. I feel like I have a place where I’m not judged,” he said.

Mr Patterson said after numerous times talking to authorities, he believed it was always the same answer — it’s easier to blame the man and remove the man from the home to defuse the situation.

“The alienation is what’s killing these guys,” he said, noting he’s known about four dads in this position who have committed suicide during his seven years volunteering his time to this group. Others haven’t seen their kids for “five, 10, 15 years”, he said.

But this small, volunteer-run support group was saving lives “without a doubt”, Mr Patterson said.

Camera Icon The rock that is passed during the meetings. Credit: PerthNow, Daniel Wilkins

Craig* has been fighting in the Family Court of WA for the past five years to secure more access to his kids.

“It’s been a long, painful and expensive process. A physically and mentally demoralising process,” he said.

“The only question I’ve ever asked in this is why can’t I have equal, shared time with my kids? Five years ago I asked that question and I’m still waiting for an answer.”

A few weeks ago Steven* came to his first DIDs meeting and admits he was an absolute “wreck” after his recent marriage collapse. But he’s managed to reach a near 50-50 custodial arrangement.

He shares he finds it hard that while his children’s mother’s place is “shiny and new” with a pool and PlayStation, he has to start from scratch.

“I can’t keep up, all I can do now is hope,” he said.

Barry Guidera, chief executive of Parents Beyond Breakup, the over-arching group of DIDs, said the service was purely volunteer run in WA and Christmas time was a distressing time for men struggling without their kids.

About 300 calls a year to the national service’s helpline came from WA, he said.

Perth clinical and forensic psychologist Dr Phil Watts, who has been a court-appointed expert in more than 1000 custody matters, said “everyone’s a casualty” in alienation cases.

“On average, women are the ones who have the strongest emotional relationship with the kids, so on average alienation is the mother towards the father,” he said.

*Not their real names.

For support visit or call the Parents Beyond Breakup helpline on 1300 853 437 or Lifeline on 13 11 14