(Scariest weigh-in photo? That one goes to Jason High, without a doubt.)

So here we are, the last number on the last page of the calendar, which for some reason demands an attempt at thoughtful reflection. Or whatever.

It’s the season for year-end “best of” lists, the time when we hand out awards that don’t, you know, actually come with any physical award whatsoever. How honored the recipients must be.

This year, if only for the sake of keeping myself from passing out on my keyboard from sheer boredom (and bourbon), I figured I’d make my own categories rather than filling in the blanks on the usual ones. Because it’s the last day of the year, and nobody’s really paying attention anyway, right?

Best Fighter to Finally Get His Act Together: Robbie Lawler

For years Robbie Lawler has been that awesome, hard-hitting fighter who couldn’t stop tripping over his own feet on the way up the championship podium. He fought in every MMA promotion known to man, following up devastating knockout wins with quick submission losses, seemingly stuck in the role of the fighter who might be great, but couldn’t quite pull it together.

Then in 2013 he returned to the UFC after the Strikeforce purchase and promptly went 3-0, beating Josh Koscheck, Bobby Voelker and Rory MacDonald. Now he’ll face Johny Hendricks for the vacant UFC welterweight strap at UFC 171, meaning he’s just one win away from achieving a goal most of us assumed was, sadly, forever beyond his grasp.

Good for you, Robbie. Even if becoming UFC champ seems like it would be barely enough to make you crack a smile, you humorless badass, you.

Best Fighter Who We Still Aren’t Sure How to Feel About: Vitor Belfort

On paper, nobody had a better or more dominant year in the UFC than Vitor Belfort. Three big fights, all highlight knockouts against increasingly impressive opponents, and at an age when most of his contemporaries are fading rather than surging. It’d be an incredible story – except for the whole synthetic testosterone thing.

Belfort’s far from the first fighter to get on the sanctioned juice, but he is the first documented former steroid cheat on it, and his head-kicking resurgence has suspiciously coincided with his hormone “treatments.” Even UFC President Dana White can’t stop talking about the fast, powerful, “new” Vitor, who has a ripped-up physique and muscles coming out of his ears in his mid-30s.

To make the whole thing feel even shadier, Belfort spent the entire year fighting in Brazil, where the newly created athletic commission includes a medical director who also happens to be on the UFC payroll. It’s a mess, in other words, and it’s only going to get messier when he fights Chris Weidman for the UFC middleweight title in a location yet to be determined.

Worst UFC Advertising Trend: Splicing Action Movie Scenes into Pre-Fight Promos

What am I looking at here? Did the UFC intentionally put these clips from some summer blockbuster into the pre-fight promo package, alternating between movie scenes and MMA highlights in a confusing, ham-fisted attempt at product integration? Or did someone in the production truck just totally screw up and mash the two together in a mistake worthy of termination? I honestly can’t tell. You think that’s a good sign?

Least Compelling Main Event: Gegard Mousasi vs. Ilir Latifi

You can’t blame the UFC too much for this one. With Alexander Gustafsson ruled out of the fight due to a small cut over his eye, the UFC had to scramble to find a replacement that the crowd in Stockholm could get behind. It settled on Ilir Latifi, a fighter so unknown outside Sweden that Dana White literally couldn’t spell his name when he tweeted out the news he’d be facing Gegard Mousasi.

The fight itself? It was aiight. Not terrible. Definitely not great. Then we all moved on with our lives. Sorry, Sweden.

Best Fight That Seemed Like It Might Suck, But Turned Out to Be Pretty Good: Jake Shields vs. Demian Maia

A submissions ace with mediocre striking (Demian Maia) against a stifling grappler (Jake Shields) who remains deaf to fans’ boos? Let’s be honest, this one had the potential to be a real stinker.

To some people, maybe it was, but dammit, these are my award,s and I enjoyed all five rounds of this fight, in part because it could have been so much worse. Every once in a while you get a pleasant surprise.

Most Unnecessary Rematch: Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva

The first time they fought, Cain Velasquez demolished Antonio Silva in a bloodbath that would make Quentin Tarantino queasy. The second time, well, at least it was cleaner, and mercifully quick.

Best Fighter to Live Through Vicariously: Georges St-Pierre

He’s rich, smart enough to walk away (temporarily, maybe) when he should, but also awesome enough to go straight to the club and party his face off. Women love him, men want to be him, and even Dana White’s freakouts can’t deter him from doing what he wants, when he wants to. Georges St-Pierre, man, you are doing it right.

Weirdest Arena Name to Host a UFC Event: Phones 4U Arena in Manchester, England

In your faces, Sleep Train Arena and BMO Harris Bradley Center.

Best Uri(j)ah: Urijah Faber

In your face, Uriah Hall.

Most Depressing Drug Test Failure: Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva

The big man outperformed all our expectations in his five-round battle with Mark Hunt. Then we found out why.

Least Surprising Drug Test Failure: Matt Riddle

Look, I still don’t think we should even bother testing pro fighters for marijuana, but we do, and Matt Riddle of all people should have known that since he’d already been popped once. Just when things were looking up for him, his UFC career went, shall we say, up in smoke. Eh? Get it? I’ll see myself out.

Most Profitable Drug Test Success: James Krause

All James Krause had to do to collect $100,000 in bonuses after his submission win over Sam Stout at UFC 161 was pass a drug test. He knew he was clean, he later told MMAjunkie, but with that much money on the line he still sat around stressing over whether a shot of NyQuil might trigger a false positive and cost him the biggest payday of his career.

Luckily, he passed, got paid, then promptly got kicked in the nuts until he lost via TKO in his very next fight. At least he can afford a reinforced cup now.

Best (and by Best I Mean Worst, But in an Entertaining Way) MMA Fighter Twitter Account: @WarMachine170

If it turned out that the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver was really the greatest performance artist of our time, and his Twitter account was merely the primary vehicle for his Andy Kaufman-esque antics, then it would all make sense. Otherwise, War Machine’s the best example of what Miesha Tate was talking about when she said that “social media has given a voice to some people who clearly never should have had one.”

Most Tiresome Dana White Quip: Don’t Judge Fights Before They Happen

The UFC president did it again at Saturday night’s UFC Fight Pass presentation. That fight card in Singapore, the one featuring a bunch of fighters you’ve never heard of, many of whom the UFC website doesn’t even have photos of?

“Judge the card when it’s over,” White said. “It’s so crazy. It’s so insane that we’re still having these questions.”

Yeah, how dare people talk about a fight card before it happens. Unless those people are White and Joe Rogan, and they are screaming at each other about how TOTALLY SICK (!!!) it’s going to be.

Weirdest Thing to Happen on Live TV: Cody McKenzie’s shorts

When is a wardrobe mishap so ridiculous it’s kind of amazing? When it’s Cody McKenzie forgetting his gear at the hotel, then sending someone out to buy him a plain pair of basketball shorts (with pockets, natch) which he remembers to write his area code on before going out to fight in a professional MMA bout, but somehow totally spaces on removing the tag. I wish I could believe he did this on purpose.

Best Injury Cancellation: Tito Ortiz vs. Quintin “Rampage” Jackson

Tito Ortiz pulls up lame and the dubious headliner against Quinton Jackson for Bellator MMA’s first pay-per-view event is scrapped, thus landing the fight card on free TV, where people might actually watch it. Whether Bellator realized it or not, the injury bug just did it a huge favor, especially considering the spectacular performance that Eddie Alvarez and Michael Chandler put on in their long-awaited rematch.

Worst Injury Cancellation: Carlos Condit vs. Matt Brown

Carlos Condit vs. Matt Brown was going to be a great fight. Timely, relevant, with clear stakes and two exciting fighters going head-to-head at just the right time. Then Brown suffered some herniated discs in his back, and that was that. The injury bug giveth, and the injury bug taketh away.

Award for Outstanding Work in Video Production: E. Casey Leydon’s “Two Days with Nick Diaz’s WAR MMA”

When it comes to video work in MMA, Leydon is the undisputed champ. His inside look at Nick Diaz’s Stockton, Calif.-based upstart MMA promotion is insightful, hilarious and unflinching. Not only is the look at the life of Diaz an honest, unsanitized one, the actual fights are also beautifully shot. Do yourself a favor, go back and savor this one, because you won’t see many like it.

Best Mostly Meaningless Fight of the Year: Wanderlei Silva vs. Brian Stann

Wanderlei Silva and Brian Stann banged it out in a thrilling brawl just for the hell of it. No title shots on the line. No contender spots rising or falling. Both legacies fairly well established. Even the weight class was merely an afterthought. Still a whole lot of fun to watch, even if you knew it was going to end badly for someone, sooner or later.

Best Ubiquitous Fastener Sponsor: Dynamic Fastener

I still don’t know what it is or why MMA fans would be interested in it, but it’s everywhere on UFC fighters’ shorts these days. So, um, good? I guess?

Awesomest Dude to Attend a Live UFC event: This guy

The fun, pretty gross uncle you never had somehow managed to score tickets to UFC 164 in Milwaukee, and boy, did he ever enjoy himself.

Here’s to you, crazy tongue-wagging guy. Long may you run.