Late-night hosts discussed the week’s Fake News Awards and the president’s confused stance on immigration.

Stephen Colbert: ‘You can’t just make a list and call it awards’

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert started by sharing his disappointment over being snubbed in Trump’s Fake News Awards. “It’s hard to take but at least for once we didn’t lose to John Oliver,” he said.

In an attempt to be at least nominated, Colbert hired a large billboard in Times Square to prove the show’s fake worthiness. “We just assumed Trump would see it because Times Square has his two favorite things: fast food and a hint of urine,” he said.

When Trump tweeted the results, the accompanying link led to a 404 page on the GOP site leading to Fox pundits claiming he had broken the internet. “He didn’t break the internet, his website just sucks,” he said.

Late-night TV hosts: 'Donald Trump hates black and brown people' Read more

Colbert was underwhelmed with the page, when it finally appeared. “There isn’t even a trophy,” he said. “You can’t just make a list and call it awards.”

The text claimed that news about Trump is 90% negative, which Colbert found to be a fair number. “Trump is bad at being president 90% of the time,” he said. “Just this week we are preparing for a government shutdown, found out that Trump has an affair with a porn star and almost lost Hawaii.”

Trevor Noah: ‘He wants to kick the brown out of town’

On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah spoke about the visa lottery and how many people are unaware of how complicated the process is. “That doesn’t sound like a lottery, that sounds like you won an IRS audit,” he said after showing footage explaining the detailed checks that are involved. “It’s step one in an elaborate process, not a Willy Wonka pass to America.”

Noah then showed Trump talking about what he believes the visa lottery is, a confused ramble about picking poor applicants from a bowl.

“Sometimes Trump is so stupid that it’s not even funny,” he said. “Their names are in a bowl? There’s 15m applications and it’s all online. This is not some scam where other countries send their worst individuals.”

Noah continued: “Either Trump is lying about the visa lottery or he’s a dumbass who doesn’t know how it works and I really don’t know which one it is.”

He then went on to describe similar confusion over what chain migration is. “The bottom line is: Trump wants to cut immigration in half, by any means necessary, and again not just illegal immigration but legal, lawful immigration,” he said. “He wants to kick the brown out of town.”

Seth Meyers: ‘He’s a malfunctioning robot’

On Late Night with Seth Meyers, the host discussed how Trump believes he is the best person to deal with North Korea as he reportedly scored well on the cognitive section of his recent physical exam. “Oh my God, he scored well on one test for memory loss and dementia and he thinks he’s Stephen Hawking,” he said.

Meyers went on to talk about Stormy Daniels, the porn star who claims she had an affair with Trump in 2006. “We have a president who is such a genius that he’s still paying for porn,” he joked.

Her story details that when they met, he was in his hotel room watching TV in his pajama bottoms. “Trump behaves the way a 13-year-old thinks a celebrity billionaire gets to behave,” he said.

Republican Senator Lindsey Graham, like Donald Trump Jr, stated that Trump doesn’t see color, he just likes people who are nice to him. “That doesn’t mean he’s not a racist, that just means he’s also a child,” he said.

Jeff Sessions also went on Fox News this week to talk about his desire for stricter testing for immigrants. “You want a literacy test for immigrants?” he said. “You work for a guy who knows seven words.”



Meyers then played footage of Trump unable to understand various words on teleprompters. “When Trump misreads words, he mangles them so badly he makes them sound like a different language,” he said.

While defending him against claims he referred to Haiti and other countries as “shitholes”, Sarah Sanders said that Trump isn’t a “scripted robot” and that’s why people voted for him.

“That’s right, he’s not a scripted robot,” he said. “He’s a malfunctioning robot. He’s like an Amazon Echo that someone poured water on.”