Dirtbag Karl Marx

KARL MARX: [running up the stairs] more like crapitalism

HENRIETTA MARX: what was that?

KARL MARX: nothing

HENRIETTA MARX: have you cleaned your room yet

KARL MARX: it is the resident of the room who should determine when and with what methods the room should be cleaned

HENRIETTA MARX: just make sure it’s clean before you go out

KARL MARX: ugh

fine

i hope you end up like industrial capitalism

and destroy yourself

HENRIETTA MARX: what was that?

KARL MARX: i hope you end up like industrial capitalism

and are

fine

KARL MARX: [skateboards in to the back of the class]

TEACHER: you’re late

KARL MARX: yeah

sorry

TEACHER: go to the office for a tardy pass

KARL MARX: but i’m already here

if i go to the office i’ll be even later

and miss out on all the learning

TEACHER: go to the office, Karl

KARL MARX: [skateboarding] this is the real class struggle

HENRIETTA MARX: where do you think you’re going

KARL MARX: to my room

to write more poems for Jenny von Westphalen

HENRIETTA MARX: well while you’re up there

you might as well clean the room if you’re going to be doing poems in it

KARL MARX: i’ll do it LATER

HENRIETTA MARX: i left the cleaning supplies outside your door

you’ll do it now

KARL MARX: wow mom

it’s the MEANS of production

not the CRUELS of production

HENRIETTA MARX: either you clean your room

or i’ll do it for you

and the way i clean your room

means you won’t have any bags of marijuana left in it when i’m finished

KARL MARX: WHY DON’T YOU MAKE LIKE THE RULING CLASS IN THE WAKE OF POPULAR UPRISINGS AND GET OFF MY BACK

HENRIETTA MARX: Karl

would you like to explain why i found this in your bag this morning?

KARL MARX: it’s not mine

i swear

HENRIETTA MARX: oh, Karl

it’s CLEARLY your opiates

KARL MARX: no honestly its not

i was holding it for someone else

HENRIETTA MARX: who

KARL MARX: the masses

HENRIETTA MARX: well

i am just going to call every single person in the masses’ mother and see about that

KARL MARX: why cant you just believe me FOR ONCE

HENRIETTA MARX: you expect me to believe you’re holding drugs for the entire masses?

Karl, you have one friend and his name is Friedrich

he has a patchy beard and he drinks all our milk every time he comes over and he never offers to buy any more

KARL MARX: i have other friends

HENRIETTA MARX: “the workers” do not count as friends

KARL MARX: I AM A FRIEND TO EVERY WORKER IN THE WORLD

HENRIETTA MARX: then why didn’t any of them come to your birthday party

KARL MARX: because theyre ALIENATED, MOM

like me