So I really want to help eliminate fat discrimination/thin privilege, but I carry thin privilege. I really want to help, but I often feel like it's not my place to enter into discussions about thin privilege/fat discrimination. How can I actively help without overstepping my boundaries? Where do I draw the line to determine what is/isn't my place? How can I contribute without ultimately becoming a detriment? How can I show support without swooping in as a "thin savior?"

Asked by

sodigress

You know, I’m not sure how to tell a thin ally how to be an ally. Everything’s so personal, and it depends on who you’re with and how comfortable they are with their bodies, whether you’ve come out as size activist to them or not, what your personality is, the context of the conversation, etc.

But maybe a few of the following tips might be useful:



1. Be cool. Most fat people are used to getting either criticism or embarrassed silence when the weight topic is broached. Be clear that it’s no big deal to you, that body sizes are just descriptors. If the fat person wants to explore that concept further, then be really mindful of not pushing too hard. Fat people are imposed upon by thin people all the time, and it can make us pretty sensitive to it, even when a thin person’s talking body positivity. Let the fat person carry the conversation, and drop it right away if they seem uncomfortable.

2. Don’t treat any of your fat friends differently than your thin friends. If going shopping, make sure it’s somewhere that accommodates everyone, or in a mall that has stores for them, and don’t always go to their store last. Be mindful of restaurant and movie theater seating. If they need someone to be there for moral support when they go ask to be reseated or to get a chair without arms, that’s great, but don’t be their voice unless you know they want you to speak up for them.

3. Street harassment: I personally would love a thin ally joining my screams of wrath at someone who harasses me on the street. Tag-teaming verbally abusive strangers is the best, especially since they tend to be cowards that back down when more than one person fights back. But this might not be true for all fat people and in all situations (you never know who’s carrying a weapon), so use your discretion.

4. If you get a tough question like, “Does this make me look fat?” it’s okay to show your activist colors! Reply with something like, “What’s wrong with being fat?” or “No, not that there’s anything wrong with being fat.” Sometimes it’s the little things that count.

5. Feel free to get angry and speak up against fat discrimination and fatphobia in the media, fatphobic campaigns in your school/city/state/country, anything that’s bigger than the individual. That’s where I think allies can really shine, as long as you’re always mindful to not speak for fat people, but in support of them.

6. Being an ally isn’t always easy. Use ‘sorry’ copiously and in a meaningful way if someone gets offended, even if you don’t understand why they’re offended or didn’t intend to offend them. I don’t know any fat activists who would shun a thin ally for saying something ignorant once then apologizing and never doing it again. Fat activists are people too, and we’re angry at thin privilege, not thin people (though we’re definitely angry at ignorant thin privileged people, especially if they’re hateful abusive bigots on top of all that). Our main fight is against fat discrimination and oppression, not with allies who are mindful and careful and in earnest.