Tucker Carlson, seen checking to remind himself he's not made purely of sap. (Photo by: Rob Kim/Getty)

When we recently reported Fox News personality Megyn Kelly was moving to NBC to take on a “broad new role” (read: whatever she wants) in a deal made for “an undisclosed amount” (read: a garbage barge full of hundred-dollar bills and an actual supply of the heretofore fictional supermetal adamantium), Variety speculated that noted bow tie wearer and real-life villain from an ‘80s teen movie, Tucker Carlson, was the most likely candidate to replace her. Today, Variety confirms its prediction, reporting the conservative pundit and textbook embodiment of the word “bloviating” will indeed be replacing Kelly in the network’s 9 p.m. news hour, beginning next week on January 9.


Carlson, who is most well known for being on the losing end of a war of words with former Daily Show host Jon Stewart, has apparently been boosting Fox’s younger demographic since coming on board. After joining the news channel full-time in November, his Tucker Carlson Tonight has become the number two cable news program among adults 25-49, with only The O’Reilly Factor performing better. Perhaps his audience is mostly comprised of people who have somehow forgotten that Carlson and his sneering, smug expression used to cohost CNN’s Crossfire before Stewart appeared on the show, called him a dick on-air, and got the program canceled, in one of the most famous unscripted media criticism moments of the 21st century. Let’s all relive that joy again now:

Carlson is a longtime conservative pundit and even longer-time unpleasant asshole who founded right-wing site The Daily Caller in 2010, though has stepped down from his editor-in-whining duties there to take on a more important role as “guy who comes on Fox News to complain about reverse racism.” He’s been with the channel in a variety of roles since 2009, including as a weekend edition cohost of Fox & Friends. Now, he can look forward to an even more central role at the network, standing up—as he always has—for the downtrodden little guys in America like himself, though in this case we mean “downtrodden” in the sense of being the first one eliminated from his season of Dancing With The Stars, because Carlson is only good at tap dancing when he’s evading a false statement he previously made.