Despite the large soda you slurped down during the blockbuster (Hollywood spectacle forms an adhesive bond with the mind while marinating in sugar water, dontchaknow) you must hold it for a few more moments once the movie has ended. Because it hasn’t ended. Years ago, only borderline-savant cinema-goers and the parents of fourth-listed visual effects computer jockeys would stay through to watch all the credits. Now it is a prerequisite.

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The post-credits stingers have become Marvel’s stock in trade, but this latest, the quite enjoyable Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, takes what was once a little peck-on-the-cheek at the end of the film and extends it into an unprovoked assault. There are no less than five little scenes after the movie is done, and not one of them has anything to do with plot, or even teeing up a surprise like the first “oh my God, that’s Nick Fury!” bit that Iron Man did.

What’s worse is that Guardians of the Galaxy 2 Vol 2 actually has one of the most lovely and unexpected endings in a recent mega-franchise film to come out of a major studio. Who’d have thought that a close-up on a teary computer-generated raccoon as a Yusuf Islam tune plays would be so resonant? (Seriously, director James Gunn’s knack for creating tableaux is as deadly as Yondu’s Yaka Arrow.)

The air comes out of the balloon with the first extra zing, a bit of comic business between Drax and Ravager Kraglin. If I were in charge of the world (or, at least, Marvel Studios) I would have certainly kept this, as both actors, Dave Bautista and Sean Gunn, are strong and the scene is quite sharp. But it would have come at the very end, after all the credits where it belongs, like a fortune cookie with the check. Unfortunately, we must suffer through four more interruptions before the auditorium lights come on.

One of the scenes (Teenager Groot!) is a joke that flops, and another (the Sovereign want vengeance!) is a storytelling shrug. Another, which brings back Stan Lee, is actually a detriment, as it lessens the impact of seeing him earlier in the film. (Not just that, but some internet dummies have misinterpreted this and an off-hand comment from Marvel producer Kevin Feige to suggest that Stan Lee himself is playing Uatu the Watcher in all of the MCU films. This is absolutely ridiculous because why would he be asking for “a ride home” then?! I will not link to this theory because it is too embarrassing to discuss!)

Another bit, involving Sylvester Stallone, is dull as dishwater unless you are a hardcore Marvel lunatic who can recognize obscure, bottom-tier characters. (The Sovereign tease will also delight this subset who can recognize their interplanetary cocoons, but, again, as storytelling it is just sludge.)

This isn’t to suggest that comic book movies shouldn’t be above a little fan service (far from it! Howard the Duck is in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 for three seconds and it rules!) but if you can’t find a way to incorporate it into the actual movie instead of ruining its afterglow, maybe it wasn’t meant to be in there.

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End-credit gags certainly have their place in Hollywood history. James Whale’s 1931 Frankenstein listed The Monster as ? at the opening, only revealing Boris Karloff at the end. I remember the pre-internet days, where you would learn the name of the next 007 picture by waiting until the final credit to learn the title next in the series. (Oh, the look on my parents’ face at the end of For Your Eyes Only when I breathlessly asked “what’s an Octopussy?!?”)

But Iron Man in 2008 was a paradigm-shifter. To take you back lo those eons ago, the Marvel brand had their heroes flung out among the different studios, much like Ego spreading his seed in the hopes of finding a rightful heir to help him stomp out individuality in the galaxy. There was rumor of a tie-in with Iron Man at Paramount and The Incredible Hulk at Universal, maybe leading to some sort of Avengers team-up down the road.

The press screenings of Iron Man put the kibosh on that. No, Samuel L Jackson does not appear as Nick Fury of SHIELD, you gotta stop reading Ain’t It Cool News! But then the movie appeared in theaters and behold! The Avenger Initiative was real! We’ve been doomed ever since.

The run-up to the first Avengers was fine, but now it is absolutely out of control. There is actually a website called MediaStinger.com devoted exclusively to this phenomenon. It features a category called Top 100, which means there are at least 100 examples to choose from. (Yes, yes, some pre-date Iron Man, like the dude back in the taxi at the end of Airplane! but work with me here.)

I’d be hard-pressed to find more that a handful that are “top” of anything. Barring that initial pre-Avengers (or, in business terms, pre-Disney purchase of Marvel) run, these little teases meant to invoke caterwauls from audiences are more regularly met with silence or even, the kiss of death, a joker in the crowd shouting “that’s it?”

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The website AfterCredits.com (perhaps the DC to MediaStinger.com’s Marvel?) reminds me that X-Men Origins: Wolverine featured a mid-credits stinger and then one of two different final scenes depending on where you saw the movie. (Taking a cue from Clue, I suppose.) I had the misfortune of seeing undead Ryan Reynolds as a poorly conceived Deadpool go “shhhhhh”. I can tell you the audience did not abide, and fired back with groans and perhaps even a few expletives.

What’s annoying isn’t just that it undercuts a potentially great ending in the meat of the actual film, as with Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, it’s just that it’s usually just so lazy. X-Men: Apocalypse is a prime example of phoning it in: a moody sequence of a dude in a suit carrying a briefcase that’s labeled something that’ll mean something only if you are a student of Marvel lore. Great, so a certain storyline may be adapted for the inevitable sequel. But the scene in and of itself has zero drama. Stapling lifeless moments like this to the end of everything is the storytelling equivalent of crying wolf.

While it is disheartening to see studios so flagrantly copy just about anything in the hope of recreating a successful gimmick, we’re forgetting who really suffers because of this silly trend. Woe betide any movie theater usher who wants to get the jump on sweeping up the Goobers wrappers after Wonder Woman even though most DC films have defiantly chosen not to ape their rival Marvel with post-credits scenes. Audiences will stay in their seats anyway, just in case. I know I will. You never know.