1. Los Angeles Kings

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-4-2 +2 1

Jordan Nolan has been described as a throwback player. He throws himself into players' backs.

2. Chicago Blackhawks

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-5-1 +6 2

A loss against a tired Toronto Maple Leafs team in Toronto? Let this be regarded as the first known instance of the Drake Effect.

3. Tampa Bay Lightning

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 8-3-1 +10 3

I wish Extra Skater would come back online. All the other stats sites say that Nikita Kucherov is second in the entire NHL in even-strength points rate.

4. St. Louis Blues

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-3-1 +5 4

It took Alexander Steen 18 games to score 17 goals at the start of the 2013-14 season. It took him 54 games to score 17 more.

5. Anaheim Ducks

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 10-3- 0 +12 5

Only five teams have scored even-strength goals at a lower rate than the Ducks so far this season. It's too bad they don't have a second-line center who can really finish, like Nick Bonino.

6. Pittsburgh Penguins

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 7-2-1 +19 6

Marc-Andre Fleury has three shutouts in his last four starts, as good an indicator as any that it's fall.

7. Minnesota Wild

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 7-3-0 +17 9

When Thomas Vanek reportedly turned down a seven-year, $49-million contract offer from the New York Islanders last season, he essentially bet on himself. Too bad that's not all he bet on.

8. San Jose Sharks

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 7-4-2 +6 8

Sharks rookie Barclay Goodrow jumped directly to the NHL from major junior this week, but it was his name that drew more frequent commentary this week:

Sharks activate Barclay Goodrow who, based on his name, will be the first NHLer to ever play with a monocle. — Mike Halford (@HalfordPHT) October 29, 2014

"I simply must stop being so horrified."

Like helmets and visors before them, the mandatory monocle will be grandfathered in.

9. Boston Bruins

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 7-6-0 +4 10

Bruins coach Claude Julien's contract was extended this weekend. He'll spend three more years as the face of the franchise, and you can understand why:

10. Montreal Canadiens

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 8-3-1 -4 7

On the heels of an embarrassing loss to a very limited opponent, is this a bad time to mention that the Canadiens have a worse goal differential and a worse Corsi For percentage than the Toronto Maple Leafs?

11. New York Islanders

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-5-0 -3 11

I wish Shift Chart would come back online. All the other stats sites say that Cory Conacher is holding down a first-line role with the Islanders, despite having just two points on the year.

12. New Jersey Devils

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-3-2 -3 12

Hey Pete DeBoer, did you know it's possible to take Bryce Salvador out of the lineup and just dress your six best defensemen?

13. Dallas Stars

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-3-4 -5 13

Stars goalie Kari Lehtonen doesn't have a backup good enough to spare him from the second leg of back-to-backs. He also doesn't have a defense corps good enough to prevent him from facing 10 or so five-alarm scoring chances in every game he starts.



Lehtonen might have the toughest job in hockey this season. I mean, aside from Buffalo Sabres head coach Ted Nolan.

14. Washington Capitals

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-5-2 +2 15

Last season, when Alex Ovechkin was scoring 50 goals, the hockey world was bizarrely obsessed with his back-checking. Now that Ovechkin has scored once in his last seven games, the hockey world is bizarrely obsessed with his back-checking.

Hockey fans might have their priorities mixed up.

15. Detroit Red Wings

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-2-3 +5 17

Some of the goals that the Red Wings had disallowed this week made no sense at all, much like a professional hockey club using landing gear as their logo.

16. Nashville Predators

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 7-2-2 +7 20

Thanks to the Predators' hot start to the season, the Central Division's fifth best team is poised to reach their ceiling.

17. Vancouver Canucks

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 8-4-0 +4 19

The NHL sure made the game safer by suspending that thug Alex Burrows. Now, Tom Sestito draws into the lineup ...

Sestito just closed his eyes and swung, all he ever did was ....

Wre-eh-ehck me.

18. New York Rangers

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-4-1 -4 16

Tennis pros Serena Williams and Caroline Wozniacki took in the Rangers' shootout loss to the Winnipeg Jets on Saturday night and scarfed down junk food:

Wozniacki ran each of her first 20 miles in sub-8 minutes. Last night, she watched Rangers-Jets with Serena. pic.twitter.com/Hfz7yBYl4J — Nick Zaccardi (@nzaccardi) November 2, 2014

The Rangers are so desperate for help on the back end, they've signed them both to professional tryouts.

19. Columbus Blue Jackets

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-7-0 -9 14

When you literally choose the injury bug to be your club's mascot:

You're likely to get bit by it eventually.

20. Toronto Maple Leafs

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-4-1 +4 22

Congratulations if you had Oct. 31 in the Joffrey Lupul injury pool!

In all seriousness, the Maple Leafs outscored their three opponents 9-1 at even strength last week. Never forget.

21. Florida Panthers

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-2-3 -4 24

Sure, he's only 18, but now that Aaron Ekblad has scored a goal and been assured that he'll stay in the NHL for the duration of this season, it's probably time to adopt a more grown-up Twitter handle.

.@EK5Colts You need to change your handle, bud. — Ian McLaren (@iancmclaren) November 2, 2014

22. Arizona Coyotes

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-6-1 -14 18

The next time they talk about "mounting losses" in a Glendale city council meeting, will they be referring to the team's bottom line or their actual record?

23. Ottawa Senators

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-3-2 +2 21

Bobby Ryan's spelling issues are well documented, so his latest well-intentioned mix-up isn't much of a surprise:

Nice gesture from Bobby Ryan to purchase a suite for kids to watch Sens games for the next 8 years. http://t.co/az8hrgqeUC — Ian Mendes (@ian_mendes) October 31, 2014

Bobby Ryan really misunderstood when he was told he to give out sweets to kids on Halloween. @Senators — Bonk's Skullet (@BonksMullet) October 31, 2014

24. Philadelphia Flyers

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-5-2 -5 23

This week Michael Raffl reacted to a plastic snake prank in exactly the same way that adult film star Lisa Ann reacted to repeated text messages from Michael Del Zotto:

(Courtesy: Flyers.com)

25. Edmonton Oilers

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-6-1 -10 25

Oilers winger Taylor Hall getting injured on a hit from Chris Tanev belongs on the Mount Rushmore of strange sports injuries.

26. Colorado Avalanche

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 3-5-5 -7 26

It's cliche to mention at this point, but the era of the one-dimensional hockey enforcer is at an end. Except in Denver, where it's Cliche.

27. Calgary Flames

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 7-4-2 +8 27

Johnny Gaudreau is a high-end skater. Jonas Hiller? Not so much.

GIF What just happened to Hiller? I can't stop laughing. if you need a good laugh, I recommend this http://t.co/8t7AoBcqCz cc @mckennaconor — Steph (@myregularface) November 3, 2014

28. Winnipeg Jets

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-5-1 -4 28

Did you hear, did you hear? Ondrej Pavelec is fixed now! All is well in Winnipeg.

29. Carolina Hurricanes

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 2-6-2 -14 29

I wish Timeonice.com would come back online. All the other stats sites say that Riley Nash is Carolina's best puck possession player.

30. Buffalo Sabres

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 3-9-1 -27 30

The Sabres aren't just the worst team in the NHL at the moment, they're the worst team in the NHL in a long, long time.