It feels like a betrayal of my tribe to admit this, but I generally don’t vibe well with other introverts. I’m a proud introvert, I’m tired of trying to change my personality, and I think that introverts deserve more recognition in society — so I hate to give the extroverts of the world yet another victory. But, despite my general advocacy for introversion, the truth is that I get on better with my counterparts.

I’m obsessed with introversion versus extraversion.

When I was fourteen, I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test for the first time. Hilariously, it revealed that I was almost 100% introverted. I’ve mellowed out a bit since then, but there’s no room for doubt about where my preference lies.

Since discovering this, I’ve become fascinated by the introversion-extraversion spectrum. I love nothing more than hearing somebody incorrectly say that introverts ‘aren’t team players’ or ‘aren’t sociable’ and jumping in to correct them. It’s hardly surprising; it’s pretty standard for us introverts to enjoy reflecting over our psyches.

I know that not all humans can be generalized into two binary choices — although I do enjoy trying to put everyone into a box. Grudgingly, I accept that ‘ambiverts’ exist, but I’m more fascinated by the extreme ends of the spectrum.

Whether platonic or romantic, historically I’ve not had many close relationships with other introverts. This was an interesting revelation, because conventional advice suggests that it’s easiest to get along with people who are more similar to you. Evidence suggests that opposites don’t attract. However, I’ve always found drawn to extroverts.

Meeting another introvert is always awkward.

Although it’s something of an urban myth that all introverts are shy, it’s true that introverts are more internally focused and think more slowly. One Harvard study found that:

“Introverts tended to have a more developed prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain associated with deep thinking and abstract thought.”

Deep and abstract thinking are undoubtedly great skills to have, but it can feel awkward and uncomfortable if both people in the conversation are analyzing instead of talking. In contrast, extroverts are quick thinkers — the phrase ‘think before you speak’ was undoubtedly directed towards extroverts — which allows the conversation to flow more easily.

Whenever I meet another introvert for the first time and we’re alone together, it often feels like the two of us are sat there trying to force conversation whilst worrying about what we’re going to say five minutes from now and whether we’re annoying the other person.

In contrast, when I meet an extrovert for the first time, they just keep on talking and firing questions away as soon as they enter their head. This takes the pressure off, puts me at ease, and allows me to only respond when I have something worth saying.

Of course, this isn’t always the case. All introverts are different, and it gets easier to talk to people when you know them better and which topics work out. But, in general, I tend to attract larger-than-life characters into my life who would have no problem talking all day. I thrive off the energy they give me.

I don’t think I could date another introvert.

In my experience, it’s common for couples to be composed of one introvert and one extrovert — especially for those who exhibit an extreme preference one way or the other.

This trend is true of both my parents and my grandparents. My grandmother is the kind of woman who scans every room she enters for familiar faces or victims to start up a conversation with, and who loved to throw parties or meet-ups. My grandfather was an unassuming man who was happiest walking his dog or doing a spot of gardening.

My relationship with my boyfriend has fallen into a similar pattern, with him being much more outgoing and socially adept than I am. For me, that creates the perfect balance, because we have different strengths and weaknesses. I’m more analytical than him and have a better memory, but he can take care of the talking and put people at ease in a way that I can’t.

There have been a couple of occasions in the past where I’ve had a little spark with an introvert, but it’s always been a very short-lived affair. Personally, I find it draining and stressful to be with someone who shares the same weaknesses as me.

However, science doesn’t necessarily back this up. Most evidence shows that greater similarity leads to greater attraction. One psychologist has suggested that agreeableness and neuroticism are more important than introversion and extraversion. It’s something I’m genuinely curious about; I don’t think there’s one rule which applies to everyone.

I bond with introverts more online.

However, when it comes to making friends online or over messages, introverts have the edge for me. That’s probably because introverts process information for longer before reacting — they’re likely to type out more thoughtful responses. Introverts are also more drawn to the written word than the spoken word as a form of expressing themselves.

In contrast, I’ve often found that extroverts are often frustratingly bad at maintaining a meaningful conversation over messages. They find it tedious to write everything down and would prefer to talk it out. Of course, there are always exceptions.