The fact that Jesus was a real man who actually walked the Earth is rarely a point of contention. Sources with no religious undertones say he lived in Nazareth, had disciples, and was crucified. But what evidence do we have that he was actually related to monkeys?

Those who have given themselves to academia and applied critical thought to complicated problems know that evolution is the likeliest scenario as to how humans came to be. Darwin states that every living thing (from tiny organisms to giant whales) develops through natural selection, a process that weeds out traits that won’t lend themselves to survival. The theory does not ignore the fact that humans look an awful lot like primates, nor does it put it all down to a ‘crazy coincidence.’

To that end, Jesus was a man, meaning he would have at some point had a monkey has his uncle (albeit a few steps removed.) His DNA makeup would match a chimp’s by up to 99%, and he would have benefited from centuries of natural selection — including opposable thumbs, the ability to learn language, and a sense of self. It was this that led to his ability to preach his theories about peace and love (and the more self-aggrandizing statement that he was the son for a really important guy.)

When interviewed, Christians who firmly believe that the world was created within 7 days chose not to acknowledge any of these facts and instead talked about how sad for people who live in a world full of science rather than religion. Scientists were unavailable for comment, mainly because they were doing sad things like discovering new facts, fulfilling their life-long dreams, and spending time with friends and family.