The BEST Guide on Having Someone Become Addicted to You

One of the biggest questions I get approached with is how an introvert can approach someone they’re generally interested in. They’re worried about saying the wrong thing, not being interesting enough or not being attractive. Which is why after doing some research, running some trials, and working on some tips, I came up with this guide.

Give Without Expecting Anything in Return

It’s scary to witness how our society has transformed into a place where we’re expected to give back to someone who gave us something we never asked for. A guy tells a woman she’s pretty and that means she has to go out on a date with him. A woman says a man is handsome and he’s expected to buy her the world.

Even in business, one of the biggest mistakes entrepreneurs make is assuming people will do them a favor if they provide a meaningless compliment. I lost count of the amount of useless messages I got from Twitter from people trying to sell me their book, CDs, or products because I decided to follow them. I’m certain you’ve seen an example before. And if you haven’t, here’s one below:

Although the logic sounds simple, human nature conflicts with that. Yes, we do love receiving free things whether it’s a store handing out free food samples, an entrepreneur handing out free information, or even a person giving someone a simple compliment.

But not if we can sense a, “If I scratch your back you scratch my back,” type of vibe, we’re more likely to back away from it. It’s like when you meet someone on a dating website and after a nice introduction, she immediately asks you to watch her webcam show after you provide your credit card information, social security number, and your blood type. Here’s an example in case you were wondering.

Despite what the majority believes, people are smarter than that. Even if our conscious can’t recognize the signs of someone manipulating us, our subconscious will act on it and cause us to act negatively towards them.

This is why people get scared of the thought of being approached by a salesman, a religious person at the door, or the guy at the office who continuously likes to give you backrubs.

Although we appreciate the kind gestures they provide us, we’re constantly thinking in the back of our mind that they want something in return. They give off a Mafia vibe of holding you accountable to give them something back when the time comes.

Nobody likes this feeling because it makes them feel in-debt to the other person based on something they never asked for. It’s like the Mafia giving you $5,000 without you even asking for it and then expecting you to pay them back $10,000.

It’s unfair and makes you irritated at the thought of someone doing that to you. It makes you feel like a pawn in someone else’s chess board. I’ve been in the dating game for a while now, and although I haven’t seen it all, I’ve seen enough mistakes to know better than that.

People give compliments to other people in the hopes of gaining something in return. A man tells a woman she looks beautiful and in the back of his mind, hopes it leads to a date, sex, or marriage. A woman tells a man he looks good in the hopes of him doing a major favor for her. It goes both ways.

But after playing the game of “I scratch your back and you scratch mines,” most people end up alone because the other person always discovers the other person’s true intention. This then makes them more cautious whenever someone compliments them in the future.

Going over a dozen social experiments, I discovered the best way to truly flatter someone is to give them something without expecting anything in return. Give a compliment without expecting someone to give you their number. Give someone a present without expecting them to do you a favor in the future. Give to people who can’t give back.

But what if they assume I want something in return?

Think of the scared animal approach. Whenever a timid animal spots a friendly human who only wants to give it a treat, it’s suspicious and doesn’t approach. But after the animal examines the human, recognize the body language and realize it means no harms, the animal will be more inclined to approach.

But the human who’s approaching the animal has to remain happy whether the animal chooses to approach him or not. If the animal decides to run away, then he should accept it without being angry at the outcome. However, if the animal chooses to approach him, then he should treat the situation the same and be happy.

I hate to compare the way timid animals behave to human behavior, but it’s true. Like an animal, we can’t expect someone to give us their attention or anything in return if we give them something.

Or else, it builds a nasty resentment in our heart. You get angry at Jill because you gave her a Twix candy bar last week and she still doesn’t want to hang out with you. You hate John because you gave him your number but he refuses to buy you that cute dress.

But if you carry the belief that people don’t owe you anything, then you’ll release a heavy burden from your heart. You no longer hold a, “John owes me this, Jill owes me that,” type of mindset. You lose resentment and you begin caring about people more. It’s no longer, “What can I do to make Jill make me feel good.” It becomes, “What can I do to make Jill life a little easier to deal with today.”

We sometimes lose the thought that other people are dealing with their own demons everyday. We see someone who’s pretty and think they have the perfect lifestyle because of that. We see someone’s who’s wealthy and hold a resentment because of that.

I’ve met wealthy people, attractive people, famous people, and people who “appear to have it all,” and they all have problems they deal with on a daily basis. But despite all that someone might have, the one thing they really want is to know someone only wants the best for them.

It’s why people love their family most of the time. Our Families are usually the only people who only give without expecting anything in return. Which is why they can be the most important thing in our heart. But for you it can be a close friend, your spouse, or the person you’re dating.

If you image yourself as a person who only wants to see the other person happy without expecting anything in return, you become that ideal person everyone desires. You can be friends with a famous celebrity who has everything, but if you know she likes a certain type of flower and give it to her whenever she’s feeling sad, you’ll be more valuable to her than the man who can give her a mansion.

How to Approach Someone You’re Attracted To

When you spot someone attractive in public, you’re probably wondering what’s the best way to get their attention. Lots of questions pop in your head. But all of those questions always point to the main issue, which is how are you going to pull them into your life.

You then become obsessed over the results and stop thinking of him or her as a human. You see them as an object who you have to solve before you approach. You’re worried if you compliment them the wrong way, you’ll ruin everything. You’re worried they’ll laugh at you the moment they notice you’re attracted to them.

But humans are less inclined to treat strangers negatively. There’s a concept known as paying it forward, which is complimenting someone based on the features they worked on such as what they’re wearing, how their hair is done, or the type of shoes they’re wearing.

Don’t simply say someone is beautiful because that isn’t giving them anything to work with. Unless you’re trained to socially swift to one conversation to the next with ease, it’s best to stay away from that approach. But if you’re eager to use it because it’s the simplest form of approach, I’ll bring up an example on how to swift a conversation towards the angle you want based on a real conversation I had with a woman in the past.

If you cooked a meal for someone, you wouldn’t want them simply saying, “It was good.” Yes, it does sound nice to hear a positive feedback on the meal you cooked. But it was void and almost meaningless. You’d rather hear someone say, “I love the spices and herbs you added in this.” Or, “I really love the way you textured this meat.”

Suddenly, you know that person isn’t giving you a plain statement you can find on some brochure. They’re adding value to your actions and destroying any negative thoughts you had about your cooking.

And like cooking, you have to treat people the same. Compliment features they worked on whether it be physically, their work performance, or the way they go about their day.

If you tell someone they’re pretty, it’s like patting their head like a dog and hoping they lick you in return. It works in some cases but not all. You’re better off giving a dog a treat first before it licks you. (Hopefully I didn’t creep you out as much I crept myself out with that last sentence.)

To some females, it can be insulting to only compliment her based on her looks because her suspicions of you wanting to sleep with her triples. Don’t expect anything in return if she doesn’t give you her number or show you the type of reaction you expected.

Simply say what you want and let it be. Act as if you’re speaking to a relative who you only wanted to show your appreciation to. Or else, their negative feedback will give you negative traits. You’ll feel less inclined to speak to other women because you’ll be constantly worried they’ll treat you negatively.

Think past the idea that she’s a woman who you can spend the rest of your life with. Think in the terms that she’s a human just like you. She has many flaws. She isn’t nowhere near perfect. She deals with insecurities. She has hopes and dreams.

But don’t focus on looks, income, or popularity

Don’t focus on the outer appearance of someone before you determine if you should compliment them. Compliment them because that’s what you truly like about their features. If I see a clerk who has a nice scarf, I’m going to compliment it because I love scarfs.

Whether someone is drop dead gorgeous or not your type, the right compliment can make someone’s day. The right compliment about their wardrobe, their smile, or their work performance can be powerful enough to remember for years.

You may think your words are petty with no meaning, and they can be if you let stay in the simple category of compliments. But if you narrow your compliment to what makes a person special beyond the first layer of what everyone else sees, you suddenly spark an emotion in them that shows someone cares about them.

Those words can give them the strength to carry themselves forward when they think they’ll be forever alone. And although the woman may not be with you, she’ll always remember the kind words you said to her.

You become a symbol in her head as someone who saw her for more than just her looks. You become someone who she could possibly be her true self with. Perhaps overtime if your paths cross again, a real relationship can spark. Or maybe you’ll never see her again. Who knows? Just be happy with the results and move on.

There will always be someone hotter/richer/taller/whatever

There’s always going to be a better version of someone you’re dating right now or want to date. If you want to date someone beautiful, chances are you’ll find someone even more attractive later on.

If you want to date a person who makes $5 Million a year, you’ll eventually meet someone who makes $10 Million a month. It then comes to the question, when does enough become enough?

What’s great about this world is that you can’t get 100% of everything because everyone has something to offer. What one person lacks in the look department might compensate in their intelligence, humor, or overall personality.

What someone may lack in the money department might make up for it in their looks or positive attitude that motivates you to take action. People can be physically attractive in nature, but have horrible dark hearts you wouldn’t want to associate yourself with. You can date someone who’s rich and can give you material things, but won’t love you because you pose as another item they bought.

What humans need in a relationship is loyalty, satisfaction, respect and love. Sure, there is that initial attraction that makes you attracted to someone in the first place, but that plays a very small role in the long run.

Julie looks isn’t going to matter if she isn’t the hottest woman in the room. But if Julie has the potential to push you to become the man you need to be, then that’s the woman you need in your life.

An example that gets brought up a lot is Hugh Jackman and his wife, Deborra-Lee. Many claim he could do better, but this was the woman who supported him throughout his entire life.

People often assume it’s the most beautiful person in the world who they’ll be happy with, but that has never been the case. I barely keep up with Hollywood marriages, but I often hear about quick marriages and divorces from these gorgeous people you wish you could date.

If you could get the motivation to push beyond your limits from the person you’re dating, there’s no need to search for someone who might have more.

Why? Instead of testing out multiple relationships to see which one satisfies you, focus on improving the one you’re already in. We’re constantly questioning ourselves to see who’s hotter, richer, or more successful than the person we’re dating now.

It’s like falling in love with one restaurant, but you’re constantly on the search to see if there’s a better one out there. If you love going to that restaurant, why dump it because of the idea there’s even a better one out there.

Charisma, intellect, intellect and other positive personality traits form major parts of selected criteria in what we want in a person. Overall, in this vast world of people, there’s always going to be the possibility of finding someone who has more in one of the characteristic we like.

But looking for value in another doesn’t work that way. It works by discovering which person has the traits make you into a better person. Maybe you need someone who’s positive and has humor that could relieve your stress even on a horrible day. Maybe you need someone who understands you in a way other people don’t.

Find someone who can help you with your own weaknesses.

You want to find someone who motivates you, give you hope, and fulfills you in a way others can’t. Sure, their outer appearance can help you with any insecurities you struggle with, but life isn’t about making the entire world happy. Sure, you’ll awe people as being the person with the stud boyfriend or girlfriend, but if your partner isn’t making you into a better person, what can you really value in that relationship?

You can attack me because I’ve never been married before. I’ll understand. But speaking from my own experience along with that of those I came across with whether they were young or old; I’ve noticed it’s the couples that fit each other like pieces in a puzzle. It’s couples that help each other weaknesses that thrives the longest.

If one person can only see, they search for someone who can hear for them. If one person has a right leg, they search for someone who has the left leg they need to move forward.

Bonding with someone is about making yourself and those close to you happy based on the simple truth of generosity. Or else, you no longer live a life to help yourself, but a life to entertain others based on what they want to see.

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