Question:

Assalamu alakum!

My name is Emanne, I am 17 years old. I know that talking to boys alone is haram, but recently I started talking to this guy who used to go to high school with me. He is 20 years old and he is in the U.S. Marines. Right now he is stationed in Japan. At first I was just asking him how his life was going, but slowly we started to talk more and more. Eventually, we both admitted that we liked each other. Now we always say I love you, and I really do love him a lot. He really seems perfect, he loves me so much, he's so kind to me, and he thinks i'm perfect!

My parents don't know we're talking of course. He is Christian right now, but we talked about marriage, and he told me that he would convert to Islam for me if that makes my parents say yes. I know someone should only convert to Islam because of Allah and Islam, but I'm sure eventually he will love Islam and become a good Muslim.

I am a Syrian. My parents are veryyyy very strict about who I should marry. He has to be a Syrian Muslim, and have a good job. My father is a doctor, so they want me to marry a doctor.

I don't know what to do. I really love this guy and I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I can imagine marrying him and having children with him.. So could you please tell me what I should do? Please?

He's visiting in December and then he is going to Afghanistan. Then he will come back and stay in America after half a year.. I have considered waiting until I finish high school and then elope with him if he converts. I don't understand why I can't marry someone if he becomes Muslim. That is not haram. But I don't want to disappoint my parents.

I have asked all my friends fpr help, and they all don't know what I should do.. They feel very bad for me.. Please help.. I love him so much, and I want to be with him forever.. What should I do?

Thank you so much.

- Salaam- Emanne

Sister Noorah's Answer:

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

I see that some of the comments have taken a soft line with you, but I cannot force myself to do so. You say "I know I'm not supposed to talk to boys" but then you went ahead and did it anyway. This relationship started in the haraam and only the haraam can come from it. You are not "in love". You are a child who is infatuated with a young man who does not believe in Allah and the Last Day. Trust me, love does NOT conquer all. By engaging in this forbidden relationship, you are committing many sins. You are committing zinah, yes, zinah of the tongue by talking to him, zinah of the eye by looking at him, zinah of touch even if you have not engaged in the ultimate zinah of fornication. I think you are looking for someone to tell you that it's okay to be "in love" and that everything will work out if you simply let him do a sham conversion to Islam and wow your parents. Well, I'm here to tell you that that is not the case.

Your duty now is to understand that what you are doing is wrong, wrong like a robber robbing a bank, wrong like a person drinking alcohol, wrong and even more serious than those crimes. You are robbing YOURSELF of goodness, of chastity, of Islam. You are harming yourself for an imaginary "love" to someone who has no religious commitment. What will you base a marriage on, if Allah forbid you were to run away with him or marry someone who only pretended to believe? Sex? Physical looks? These fade with time and if you don't have a strong committment to Allah then there will be no long-term success. By long-term, I speak not just of this world but of the world to come. Are you willing to spend an eternity in Hellfire for this man? If so, then do whatever you want. If not, you must cut off all contact with this man, and sincerely repent to Allah for the mistakes you have made. You should spend time learning about Islam, for if you truly knew your rights and responsibilities as a Muslim woman, you would never have made this mistake. Busy yourself with prayer and fasting. Stay away from places where there are a lot of single men. Make sure you are covered properly so that you do not attract the gaze of ment. Work on yourself so that you can become a better person and a better Muslimah and ultimately find a good strong Muslim husband who will complete half your deen. To do less than this is to sell yourself short and to lead yourself into more heartbreak and strife.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I want you to wake up from your fairy tale. There will be no good outcome from this. Allah will not allow a good end to come from a haraam beginning, so you had best get on with your life without this young man in the picture. May Allah give him hedayah, too, for his own soul's sake, but that is a totally separate issue from his relationship with you.

Fi aman Allah,

Noorah

Like this: Like Loading...