Things are getting out of control. Peanut butter is taking over my life. Or my life is taking over peanut butter. I CAN’T EVEN TELL ANYMORE. You know what I’m going to do about it? The thing I do best: give away milk for free so no one needs the cow Ima ride this baby out.

So how about we pair peanut butter-ed tofu with lettuce, heirloom tomatoes and a homemade tortilla? Should we drizzle some balsamic reduction in there? Of course. Of course we should. Why would you ask such a silly question.

On paper, these ingredients work together. Tomatoes are sweet and sugary and kinda fruits, right? Anyways, jam is made from fruit. And jam is peanut butter’s…jam. Ugh. Plus I drew a picture of all the ingredients working together on a really hard quantum physics conundrum and they really came through.

And let’s look at peanut butter tofu and a balsamic reduction. Sweet and spicy and roasted goodness mixes with a tart kick. These flavors, however, are not terribly out there, so to speak. I mean, you’ve had kung pao tofu, right? And you’ve accidentally spilled soy sauce on it and your boyfriend’s orange chicken because you have poor depth perception (who orders orange chicken anyways? Definitely not you. Definitely that world-class boyfriend that you definitely don’t wish you had. No. You’re fine on your own. Without orange chicken. Or a boyfriend. Sigh.), and it sorta tasted even better, right? Fact is, it’s nothing like that but that was a fun little exercise in imagining, huh?

(It’s kinda like that.)

Also people put balsamic reductions on desserts so that means I basically have carte blanche to do whatever the hell I want with it. Next up? Balsamic reduction body painting. Who’s first?

PBuTLT Wrap

Peanut Butter Tofu

makes 2 cups of bite sized chunks, enough for 6 solid wraps

inspired from Allrecipes.com

1 carton of light firm tofu

3 tablespoons chunky peanut butter

1 to 2 tablespoons water

1 teaspoon chili garlic sauce

2 teaspoons low sodium soy sauce

½ teaspoon apple cider vinegar

½ teaspoon brown sugar

1 clove of garlic, minced

½ tsp ginger, minced

1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon cornstarch

This won’t be weird at all:

Drain your tofu and pat dry. Pat it even drier. As dry as it will get. Cut it into bite size cubes – I cut mine pretty small to make them wrap friendly. Toss with a tablespoon of cornstarch.

In a large wok or frying pan or similar object sprayed with a bit of cooking spray, cook the tofu over medium heat. Secret tofu cooking trick: the cornstarch will help give it that crust but it’s mostly important that you let the tofu just sit in the pan and cook, untouched, for like 5 minutes. Don’t flick it with your spatula or with any Jedi mind tricks. Just let it sit there and cook. Flip them over after 5 minutes and let them cook some more, unmolested. After that feel free to toss them however brutally you want.

While you are not touching your cooking tofu for 5 minutes, get out a medium mixing bowl. Whisk together all the other ingredients. Adjust to taste. I made mine extra peanutty.

When the tofu has a nice golden brown crust, transfer it to the bowl with the peanut sauce. Toss toss toss. Smother smother smother. Cover the bowl with some plastic wrap, throw it in the fridge, and go to a yoga class or buy some shoes or get some coffee and eat a cookie or get a couple drinks or do all of these things. Because this is my life. And my life is sounding awfully joke-like at this very moment.

But seriously folks, I forgot this was in the fridge and I went about my very, very productive day.

Balsamic Reduction

Makes more than enough

WARNING: this will make your apartment smell like vinegar for a few too many days

Ingredients:

1 cup balsamic vinegar

¾ tsp sugar

Being pretentious is shockingly simple:

Because I have no pots and pans, I brought my vinegar to a boil in a wok-like pan over medium-high heat. You can do the same too. Once at a boil add the sugar and bring it down to a simmer. Stir the sugar around to make sure it’s fully dissolved. The balsamic reduction is done when it’s the consistency of a thin syrup.

— Here’s where you get to make the choice of either throwing this goodness into a store bought tortilla or trying to make your own homemade tortillas. Making your own tortillas is fun and you can season them however you like. But they aren’t the most structurally sound little guys so, you know, choose your battles or whatever. —

Completely Totally Optional Homemade Tortillas

makes one tortilla

adapted from Foodie Fiasco

Basic Wrap Ingredients:

¼ cup water

¼ cup garbanzo bean flour

¼ tsp salt

¼ tsp garlic powder

¼ tsp onion powder

½ chili powder

¼ tsp of red pepper flakes

Flax Wrap Ingredients:

¼ cup + 1 tbls water

1 tbls garbanzo bean flour

2 tbls ground flax seed

¼ tsp salt

½ tsp garlic powder

½ tsp onion powder

½ tsp chili powder

¼ tsp of red pepper flakes

No matter which version, you’ll:

Whisk all the ingredients together. Spray your frying pan with non-stick cooking spray. Pour the mixture into the pan over medium heat. Cook on that side until the edges begin to dry and curl up. Flip and cook a minute or so on the other side. Carefully transfer to a plate.

PUT IT ALL TOGETHER FINALLY, JEEZ

Reheat your PB Tofu that you forgot in the fridge. Spread ½ tsp peanut butter down the center of your wrap. Lay some lettuce and diced heirloom tomatoes in there. Spread ⅓ cup of PB Tofu on top of your lettuce/tomato bed. Drizzle with some balsamic reduction. Wrap. Eat.