Depending on the receptivity of your muse, seduction can range from ball punching suckiness, to glorious, consensual sex fuelled passion. I’ve broken down the four main states of attraction to help you recognize when to work, and when to walk.

Active Disinterest (AD):

A total waste of energy, and often completely demoralizing. Girls who are actively disinterested really aren’t interested, at all, and they will let you know—often ruthlessly. It’s usually the reward you receive for being an under-the-radar nice guy who doesn’t prey upon women’s emotional insecurities in order to spike primal attraction.

What it looks like:

She will straight up tell you to “Piss off,” shove her hand at your face, blow her rape whistle, back turn you, or ignore you as if you’re an glowing moose turd.

Benefit:

It will build your resistance to rejection, and turn you into a hardcore “I don’t give a fuck” son of a bitch who acts like a complete narcissistic dick towards women. Amateurs run the risk of becoming raging misogynists who cry that all women want are looks, fame and money. But if you can tough these girls out you’ll eventually find an Actively Interested Unicorn who will spark your romantic imagination.

Strategy:

Laugh it off. Move on with your life. Don’t become bitter or jaded because some girl was mean to you. Maybe she had a bad day. It’s hard to be a girl too, sometimes.

Passive Disinterest (PD):

Probably the most frustrating state. The girl is well aware of your existence, she knows you like her, but you just don’t register on her dating radar. Not in the slightest. She doesn’t care one way or another whether you come or go. She’ll talk to you, but the next text she receives will end your interaction forever. You register on her dating radar along with the 39th “Not Interested” Tinder swipe.

What it looks like:

She will listen to your stories, often smiling while scanning the bar for other guys she finds more appealing, all while thumbing her smart phone every time a text sends a validation buzz up her thumb.

Benefit:

These women teach you that approaching them isn’t dangerous, and some will give you five minutes of their time. It will build up your confidence a little bit, but not your self-esteem. You’re not going to die if you approach girls. They’re not scary or mean all the time. Very rarely in fact.

Strategy:

Offer her some cocaine? Have a friend text you under the name “Drake” as you ask for her number. Gain some social experience and move on. Practice your number close, just don’t expect her to text you back.

Passive Interest (PI):

You might have a shot here. She might laugh at your joke, or even give you her number. But she will not offer too much help. She might ask you what your name is, or what you do. There’s a small chance you could upgrade the status to Active Interest, but if you make one mistake, or bore her, or a shiny thing flies past her nose, it’s just as likely to become Passive or Active Disinterest

What it looks like:

She will listen to your stories, accept a free drink, maybe even play with her hair while touching your arm—but will still scan the room, or her smart phone, for a superior option. Any friend could pull her away with a simple “Tara! Come here!” In daygame she will give you her number but unless you are a text ninja with the patience of a Buddhist monk, the chance you will ever meet her is slim. But there is a chance if you have sick game.

Benefit:

It will build your reference experiences, and your confidence. You feel like a success is just around the corner. You might even get laid if you have good game and a strong motivation to succeed. So close but so damn far!

Strategy:

Get her away from her friends. Make her turn off her cellphone. Fill her head with action stories about how awesome your life is. Give her the emotional rollercoaster as you switch from funny, to rude, to dismissive, to attentive, to funny, to rude, to dismissive, to attentive. At the same time, be physical, then take it away. Then be physical, then take it away. If possible, have other girls showing you active interest, as nothing turns a girl on more than knowing other girls find you attractive.

Active Interest (AI):

The holy grail of seduction. Maybe she saw you make out with her hotter friend, or recognizes you from that time you made the cover of the newspaper for rescuing a kitten from a burning house. At this stage, you will be hard pressed to fuck it up unless you’re total newb.

What it looks like:

She will press her firm breasts against your chest as she drags you to meet her friends. She will offer you her drink, watching to make sure you finish it all. She will scowl at every other girl that shows you the slightest attention, which they will because she is showing you attention. She will ask you loads of questions about your life, and laugh at every stupid thing you say, making you feel like a genius. She will offer to massage you. She will brag about what a good cook/lay she is. She will be interested in anything that you are; your hobbies, your work. She will text you back almost instantly, with plenty of emoticons and exclamation points. She will be totally submissive and compliant to all your requests, even for anal sex on the second date.

Benefit:

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, from validation, to social proof, to romance, adventure and hot steamy sex. That is, if you can find this rare girl.

Strategy:

Just let her lead you to her flat and bang her. Then don’t call her for two days to cement your superior value in her mind, and make her your loving and loyal girlfriend. It doesn’t get any easier. Your biggest problem will be getting her to leave you alone for a day.

Conclusion:

While AI is rare unless you have social status, male-model good looks and George Clooney’s charisma. If you have decent game and social skills, the majority of women will fall into PI: Sure they like you, but like…whatever.

Passive Interest can be infuriatingly frustrating It’s like you’ve landed on the beaches of Normandy. You can see the Nazi’s, and you’re so close to taking the beach, but your commanders won’t allot the artillery to blow the damn bunkers!

Newbies will be plagued by AD and PD, but hey, you wanna get to the peaks of Olympus, you have to pay the toll.

With the right skill, given enough time, any man can attract any woman. But most of us don’t have all the time in the multiverse. For those short flirtations, try to stick to the girls that show you Passive or Active Interest, and leave the rest alone.

Good luck.

***I’m a full time dating/approach coach with a decade of experience. I travel the world on request, teaching men how to improve their success with women. Check out my coaching options and contact me for a free consultation.***