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Back in the 1970s, researchers combined two cornerstones of American society, obesity and overcrowded prisons, into one fat-tastic study. A select group of prison inmates, hopefully the non-rapey kind, were offered early release on the grounds that they agreed to gain 25 percent of their body weight.

It doesn't get much better than that! Pack on a few extra pounds and before you know it you'll be home just in time to catch your best friend raising your kids and nailing your girlfriend!

The Harsh Reality

Have you ever tried to eat 10,000 calories in one day? Of course not. Those are Michael Phelps numbers, and he only does it because he works out all day and smokes weed all night. But that's what these prisoners were doing every single day, and the side effects almost make prison sound like the more pleasant option.



"Let's just get this over with..."

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For one thing, they had to gain the weight eating prison food, which is kind of like that shitty school cafeteria food we all grew up on except back then we didn't have to worry about getting the slice of meatloaf with the shank baked into it (unless you went to public school, obviously).

Aside from that unpleasantness, there was also the vomiting, depression, bowel movement difficulties and a multitude of other health problems that come with eating that many calories per day. There is also a high that comes with that much food intake which can lead to addiction and eventually, withdrawal symptoms. Shit, that's probably what landed you in prison in the first place. Oh, and you'd also be a total lard ass.