

Even my Jewish Gay Lover, who is normally a “Nuke ’em all” type Zionist, has newfound respect for Iranians. How could you not? Watching them fight and die for their freedom over the last couple weeks – ya can’t help but feel like a bit of a hypocrite;

Even my Jewish Gay Lover, who is normally a “Nuke ’em all” type Zionist, has newfound respect for Iranians. How could you not? Watching them fight and die for their freedom over the last couple weeks – ya can’t help but feel like a bit of a hypocrite; I mean, all most of us did for our freedom was get born from the right set of vagina.

This current situation is pretty enraging, and any decent person’s gut reaction would be to stand up and save these brave and inspiring freedom fighters.

So given a genie-in-a-lamp, what would Obama and I wish for? Well, we’d like to gather:

– The military

– The Black Israelite preachers from 42nd street & 8th

– The cast of The Wire

– John Rambo

– That one nigga from OZ

Put ’em into GI-JOE choppers, and fly ’em over to Iran watching an in-flight movie of Neda’s death on continuous loop.

Upon arriving, we’d like to have these “hard hittin’ niggas” systematically hunt down every mullah and cleric and magic user and psycho holocaust-denying politician, and have the nigga from OZ ass-rape them all one-by-one while it’s broadcast on Iranian-accessible pay per view–what a way to welcome Iran’s newfound NC-17 FREEDOM!

Next, Obama and I would like the Iranian people to vote on a new leader – and believe me, with THREE FIFFS of Iran being under 30, those kids are gonna elect a candidate so left wing he’s gonna make Mousavi look like Muslim Hitler.

Feel better?

Aight, Fantasy over. Hope you enjoyed it, because that’s the closest we’re gonna get to satisfaction.

It sucks ass, but in the real world there are rules; If you don’t follow the rules, you get something that looks like what we’ve got in Iraq. Remember that the whole reason we wanted an intelligent president in the first place was so that he’d look at this shit scientifically and not just do what his gang or his gut or his god told him to.

Now, Obama is looking at this systematically, and he’s got some very smart muthafuckas helpin out. Here’s what they are tellin him:

– GUIDE TO OVERTHROWING TOTALITARIAN REGIMES IN 2009 –

1) Facebook, Youtube, Movies, Porn, Books, Beer, Pussy, and X-Box are FUCKING AWESOME. 99% of kids in the world want these things.

2) ANY kids who are prohibited from having this shit because of their wack-ass religious or nationalist governments will eventually be willing to FIGHT and DIE to get these things, a.k.a. FREEDOM.

3) Totalitarian governments don’t want their kids to have this shit, because they feel it waters down their religious or nationalistic dedication and therefore makes them harder to control. (By the way, if these governments were smart, they’d learn that they can control their kids THROUGH this shit the way the US Gov’t does!)

4) Cool shit just keeps getting cooler, and communication technology just keeps rubbing it in these poor deprived kids’ faces harder and harder. There are also a LOT of women who are being treated like animals, and you don’t even need to tempt them with X-box – they’re ready to fuck shit up just to get the right to vote and read and wear what they want.

5) Therefore, as X approaches infinity, revolutions will happen in all of these countries on their own.

6) The ONLY thing that the US can do to FUCK UP these inevitable revolutions is to give these governments something to rally their people around, i.e. by playing into the role of “The Great Satan.”

7) Give these governments rope enough to hang themselves, and give them NO ONE to blame, and you will expose them as lying psychopaths and empower the people and their revolutions.

Obama is following these guidelines, and it’s working. The US is staying out of Iran, and Iran is STILL blaming the US – and looking psychotic in the process.

It’s like when PETA got on Obama’s case for swatting that fly – even vegetarians said:

Hmmm, maybe these niggas really are crazy. I mean, I was buying what PETA said when they were bitching about “Fur is Murder” and “Stop Testing Chemicals on Animals” – that shit seemed fucked up – but getting on a nigga for swatting a fly? That’s just crazy.

Well, Ahmadinejad is PETA – he’s blaming the US for these problems, and the Iranian people, the rest of the muslim world – hell, even EUROPE – is saying:

Hmmmm, maybe these niggas really are crazy. I mean, I was buying it when they were saying “Hey, the US is going into Iraq and trying to occupy shit and get cheap oil” – and maybe they wanted that oil bad enough to fake the 9-11 attacks – but yo, the idea that all these Iranian kids on the streets are US agents?? That’s just crazy.

Through acting rationally and intelligently, the US can continue to amass the respect of the world. You might say “who gives a shit?” Well, respect and admiration isn’t just fruity hippie shit – in the end, it lets us win wars without forcing us to fire a shot.

The best part is undoubtedly this: all YOU have to do, SBTVC community, is keep using the internet, jacking off, and eating burgers. You’re making Iranians jealous, and they’ll kill to have what you’ve already got.

It’s called intelligence, analysis, and strategy.

George Bush, John McCain, Gavin McInnes – when you scream for blood and confrontation, y’all just playin Checkers; Barack Obama playin’ Chess.

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[Blognigger,

I never said “invade Iran” you stupid motherfucking cocksucker!!! Nobody did. All I did was call him out on being a fucking pussy and not even SPEAKING out about this for days and days and days. And don’t lump me in with George Bush you stupid fucking fuckfaced shitstain. I’ll bet you $1,000 you never even read the article and just thought, “I love Obama, so let me get some straw men in line to show my affection.”

– Gavin

PS: Fuck you, you anonymous coward.]