Former rising ALP star tells News Corp being forced out of parliament left him suicidal, but he knows what he did wrong

This article is more than 2 years old

This article is more than 2 years old

The former Labor senator Sam Dastyari has said he shouldn’t have kept trying to manage relationships with donors as a senator the way he had while running New South Wales Labor.

Dastyari has told News Corp he contemplated suicide and did not leave his bedroom for six days after quitting federal parliament in disgrace.

The former Labor star said he hadn’t thought twice about asking a Chinese company to pay $1670.82 worth of his travel expenses.

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He believes his mistake was behaving in parliament the same way he had as general secretary of NSW Labor.

“That meant managing relationships with party donors. And that was an incredibly stupid thing to be doing,” he said in an interview published on Sunday.

“I shouldn’t have been the party bagman when I was a serving Australian senator.”

Dastyari that after initially feeling relief when he resigned in December over a scandal involving his links to Chinese business figures, he experienced a period of depression.

“I spent six days where I didn’t leave my bedroom,” he said.

“There were certainly nights where your logic goes so out the door, that you suddenly start thinking things like: Well, the people who love me would be better off if I wasn’t here anymore.”

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Dastyari recounted having drunk heavily after being prescribed antidepressants.

“It was 3am, I’m at the casino – because it’s Sydney and everything else is closed – and I’m drinking heavily for like the third or fourth night in a row and I go: Something’s gotta change.”

Play Video 2:08 Tearful Sam Dastyari steps down in Senate – video

He has since reached a stage of acceptance but has not forgiven himself for the mistakes that led to his downfall.

“I’m not there,” he said.

• Crisis support services can be reached 24 hours a day: Lifeline 13 11 14; Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467; Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800; MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78; Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636