That's a fallacy. Europeans don't hate us. In fact they love us. They love us so much that it hurts them to see us not living up to our potential. They want us to start taking better care of ourselves and being a better country.

They think we need to dress better. They said walking around in that ratty T shirt we've had since high school and our lucky underwear from college, the ones with the holes in the crotch, makes us look bad. I mean we never wear that sweater Norway gave us last Christmas. Seriously, Italy gave us that Milan cut suit to wear not to leave in the back of our closet behind the 46" waist suit from Donald Trump.

We need to change our homes too. That ply wood and cinder block coffee table was OK when we were poor in our first apartment, but things have changed. Sweden wants to know why they keep offering us stylish modern furnishings at a low price but when we get it home we break it in two minutes. They tell us how to put it together and give us the tool, I mean it's just like us to not look at the directions.

Europe thinks we need new friends. Ok, most of our free time is spent playing red rover with Mexico and capture the flag in the Middle East.

Europe even thinks we have a drinking problem. Scotland and Ireland gave us Whisky, what did we do? Throw a bunch of corn in it and call it Bourbon. France show us Bordeaux and Cognac, Busta Rhymes asks them to "Pass The Courvoisier" while we sip wine from boxes and jugs.The collective countries of Europe share their knowledge and passion for beer and somewhere along the lines we got lazy, which we always do, and made Pabst Blue Ribbon and Natty ICE instead.

Worst of all though is they don't like what we drive. That's their fault as much as ours. They laugh as our new Focus is their old Focus. They cruise in their diesels getting 50 MPG while we drive our Hummer H2's with rims so large cats are using them as exercise wheels. They keep their RS6s, their Alfas, their Renaults, their Skodas, their Citroens and Fiats, but to be honest we really don't mind that they keep those Rovers.

If you don't understand what I am trying to say… ask your girlfriend or wife and enjoy the rest of your day.