Chapter Text

"Man is but a featherless biped." - Plato, 428 BC- 348 BC

*

"BEHOLD!" Diogenes said. "A MAN!"



Diogenes was naked and covered in filth, standing in the center of the square where Plato taught. He held a plucked chicken in his right hand. The chicken was squawking loudly, angrily, but hardly discernible over the sound of the laughing class.



Plato, a small, rotund, black haired man, frowned. "You imbecile! You've missed my point entirely! It isn't that man is merely a plucked chicken, only that man is a type of featherless biped! -With toes!" He added quickly.



Diogenes walked up to him smugly. He smelled like must and mud, and possibly horseshit. His hair was cropped short to his head, and he had a sparse, raggedy beard. "And what if you cut off his toes?" He asked. "In any case, this young man's name is Alpha, and I have taken him to be my son."



"GET OUT!" Plato screamed. He felt his face turning red. Humiliated! In front of my entire class! By an imbecile who jacks off in the middle of the marketplace!



"Not until you acknowledge my son!" Diogenes screamed.

"OUT!" Plato threw a stone at Diogenes. Diogenes laughed wickedly and ran, dropping the chicken on the cobbles.

Plato turned to face the rest of the class. "QUIET!"

The class went silent.

"A MAN," Plato said. "Is a featherless biped. With NAILS." He held up his fingers for emphasis. "Now, as I was saying about the relationship between music and morality..."

*

Plato ran into Diogenes in the marketplace. He was holding his dick in his hand and jerking quickly.

"Disgusting," Plato said.

"I only do in public what all men do in private," Diogenes said. "It's within the natural order of things. Only men attempt to hide what is within the natural order of things."

"There are women here as well," Plato said. He gestured. "Noble women, not just rabble and slaves. They shouldn't be subject to your unspeakable attempts at... philosophy." He wrinkled his nose.

"I was feeling heated," said Diogenes. "If only I could rub hunger away so easily; then I shouldn't have a care in the world. Oh look," Diogenes said suddenly, glancing down. "I've gone all soft talking with you." He looked up and winked at Plato. "Perhaps you could help me wake it up more easily."

Plato was shocked silent for a moment. The thought of fucking Diogenes had occurred to him before; surely a man as wicked as Diogenes wouldn't be amiss to making love with a man.

Then he came back to himself. "You're a pig," he said quickly. "And disgusting."

He shoved past Diogenes. Diogenes laughed behind him.

"I'll be thinking about you, Plato!"

"PIG!"

*

"He took a shit in the theater," Plato said, disbelievingly.

"Indeed," said Socrates. He wandered around the classroom, adjusting his materials. "He said something about the natural order of things when they confronted him about it. Needless to say, he was banned from the theater."

"Natural order of things," said Plato. "What's so natural about what he does? Uncontrolled maybe- undisciplined, perhaps, but certainly not natural."

"Hmmm." Socrates glanced at Plato. "Surely you're used to criticism by now, Plato. Why does Diogenes bother you so?"

"He humiliated me! In front of everyone!" Plato's voice rose.

Socrates sighed. "Plato," he said. "You need to relax. You're a smart man, but you're letting him control your emotions far more than is necessary. You should accept that his philosophy is different from yours. More repugnant, of course, but just as valid."

"Disgusting," said Plato.

"Is that so?" Diogenes appeared in the doorway of the room. He was holding a lantern up, and squinting at Plato. "Disgusting, am I? No more than anyone else. I am simply more honest about it."

"...Excuse me," Socrates said. "I do have to go now. You smell like a pig, and I don't want you to soil me."

"And you consider his lifestyle- his philosophy- as valid as mine?" Plato cried.

"Yes," Socrates. "Diogenes, you are valid, and no one can ever take that from you."

He fled. Plato looked at Socrates, resignedly.

"And why," he said slowly, "are you holding A LANTERN?"

"I'm searching for an honest man," said Diogenes.

"It's broad daylight, Diogenes."

"And yet, not a soul to be found."

Plato sighed, trying to cover his tension. Diogenes was close to him now. He could smell him; he smelled like pigs, must, and mud. He smelled like sweat and filth.

And yet. And yet.

Diogenes put down the lantern. He walked up to Plato. "Well?" He said. "Are you going to help me search?"

"You're despicable," Plato said. He glanced down. He raised his eyebrows. "...and you have an erection."

"The search for truth always excited me," said Diogenes.

"Disgusting," said Plato. He raised his eyebrows. "If you ever took a bath, I might consider it. You're not a bad looking man, behind the dirt."

"My dirt is a symbol of my freedom, and my search for truth and honesty," said Diogenes. "And I would never sacrifice that in order to fuck you."

"Good day, sir." Plato pushed past him quickly. Behind him, he heard Diogenes spit into his hand.



*

Plato was by the lake when he met Diogenes again, two weeks later. He found the man swimming; his naked body shone in the light. Clean, he wasn't a bad looking man, Plato reflected; relatively well muscled, and a decent height.

"I see you're bathing!" Plato shouted. His voice echoed off the water.

Diogenes glanced over and waved. He came out of the water a moment later. Plato raised his eyebrows.

"An honest man," said Diogenes, "can be clean or filthy. It doesn't matter to him so long as his desires and needs are fulfilled."

"An honest man," said Plato, "Would realize that it feels better to be clean. Doesn't it, Diogenes?"

"I would never say something like that," said Diogenes.

"Well I would," said Plato. He walked forwards to stand in front of Diogenes. "I would even say that you don't look half bad, scrubbed clean."

"Is that so?" Diogenes asked.

"Yes. In fact..." he trailed off and looked down.

Diogenes was erect.

The two of them looked at each other.



"Behold," Diogenes whispered. "A man."



"I can see that," Plato said. He wrapped his hand around Diogenes. "Let's see what I can do to help him out."