LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has proved to the Australian public he can continue to disappoint them without being in power by speaking up on issues facing the nation for the first time since about 2015.



During an intimate interview, the Baron of Backflips shared his thoughts on issues he is passionate about with all those willing to listen which was revealed to be a single volleyball with a face drawn on it.



“Renewables are the future,” stated Turnbull as he stared at the volleyball, picking at his teeth with a piece of bamboo.



“I just wish there was more I could do, don’t you?”



Upon being asked several hard-hitting questions Turnbull deflected them back to the volleyball who he began referring to affectionately as ‘Penfolds.’



“Well Penfolds, it’s not a question on whether or not I would lose the next election but whether or not I would win, don’t you agree?”



Unconfirmed reports state in between deflections Turnbull spent time staring at the boorish face of his crude confidant, nodding occasionally and once cracking into a smug sneer before speaking in what was assumed to be an interjection.



“Let me stop you right there Penfolds, I am still a Liberal first and foremost.”



“I have always been concerned about climate change. It’s just now that there’s fuck all I can do about it that I’d like to see some real change please. Wouldn’t you like that too Penfolds? God I like you Penfolds.”