Dear Facebook Developers,

I have a bone to pick with you regarding the updates to your site. Now I know you get a lot of hate from people that can’t stand the changes you make. I remember when Timeline was brought in and a whole range of new groups popped up proclaiming how much people hated it. I mean, how dare you change the way they use the free website they voluntarily signed up for? I actually quite like Timeline. Looks nice, easy to use, and I can showcase not one, but two pictures of me on my front page to all my friends, satisfying my narcissistic side. My complaint doesn’t involve an update you’ve made, but rather an update you haven’t made. I’m talking about the variety of emoticons available to use, and I’m talking about the lack of facial hair.

There are two very good reasons to have a moustache or two in the emoticon options. The first is that the moustachioed gent currently does not have a way to communicate his emotions in pictured form. He could use one of the others, sure, but it’s just pretending to be something that he’s not. Facial hair is on the up. Having a beard is the new not having a beard. By leaving this new breed of manly heartthrob out of your emoticon design, you are de-legitimising their feelings. Can you imagine the power and majesty of a flock of beards finally free to feel and express everything they ever dreamed, finally released from the shackles of smiley oppression? I know I am. And it is beautiful. You could make this happen. All it requires is a couple of faces with a lovely twirly moustache or perhaps a great big bushy beard and this unforgettable dream could be a reality. Just look at what could be in the video here:

The other reason you should design some new bearded faces is that there are some ladies, such as myself, who adore a bit of facial fuzziness. It is a constant niggle to me that I can’t grow some myself and spend my days pondering the universe and styling it into amusing representations of famous landmarks. The Pyrabeards of Giza and the Sydney Opera Beard would be favourites. I can’t grow one though, and I never will. I’m sure there are other ladies and probably many men that are in a similar situation. Please allow us to live out our dreams of bearded glory by using emoticons that can truly express our gentlemanly sentiments with the appropriate weight.

So, Facebook developers, I am begging you. Please don’t allow this sham of an emoticon selection to continue. Provide for those of us with aspirations of beardhood as well as those who have already achieved those lofty heights of manliness. I mean, you have two different guys with varieties of glasses on! Sunglasses and spectacles. Would it truly be that hard to include a luscious beard and a sharp moustache as well? I know I for one would use it on a regular basis. And for a short time, the focus won’t be on the privacy issues you insist on ignoring. Just imagine.

Kind regards,

Amy

PS: Researching images for this has been some of the most wonderful minutes of my life so far. If you’d like to look at some fabulous moustaches, check out this link. It’s the 35 manliest. Swoon city. Thanks also to the fabulously moustachioed Russ for giving me this idea. Again, thanks for reading, even if you aren’t currently doing design work for Facebook! Please share with your friends to make this dream a reality. For more slacktivism, you can follow me on Twitter: @amysinanutshell