Some of us grew up in abusive households, where we were torn down every single day. Where we were explicitly told that we are unworthy and unlovable.

Some of us grew up in healthier households, but were bullied in school for our weight, looks or who we are.

Some of us grew up in households where weight was synonymous with self-worth, where certain foods were forbidden and insults about appearance were the norm.

Some of us have had toxic relationships with people who berated us for everything. And, over time, we started to believe them.

Some of us aren’t sure where the negativity came from, but we still developed an inner voice that ruminates and roars about our inadequacies.

All of this doesn’t matter.

That is, it doesn’t matter who initially said you didn’t deserve self-love or self-care. It doesn’t matter who initially said you’re flawed or broken or ugly or inherently wrong. It doesn’t matter who initially said you can only take care of yourself after you’ve lost weight or after you’ve been productive or after you’ve earned it through some other way.

Because, today, you have the power to let yourself explore self-love, to take kinder care of yourself, to stop putting conditions on loving yourself. You have the power to grant yourself this permission. You don’t need permission from anyone else.

Every day, you have the power to choose.

In her book The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion, artist Elle Luna writes that we have the power to choose between what we should do and what we must. Should is other people’s standards and expectations for us. Must is who we are. It’s our deepest desires and passions.

I think her approach applies here: Despite what anyone else has said to us throughout the years, despite the societal shoulds (and there are many: you should diet, you should work out X number of days a week, you should be thin, you should have curves, you should drink green smoothies every day), you get to choose.

You get to choose accepting, embracing and loving yourself. Because once you do, you can start practicing it.

This isn’t an empty affirmation or declaration. Because in making this choice, you’re also choosing to take action. Action might be doing something kind for yourself. It might be saying no to something that doesn’t feel right. It might be saying yes to therapy. It might be moving your body in ways that feel fun or exciting or challenging or invigorating.

It might be journaling about your feelings. It might be taking a walk and clearing your mind. It might be spending less time with people who don’t support you and spending more time with those who do.

Making the choice to love ourselves is two-fold: First, we decide on self-love. Second, we act on it.

I know that for many of us, especially depending on your past experiences, this is not easy to do. It is hard. Really hard. And complicated. But know that you can work through the complexity and pain (again, I can’t recommend enough working with a therapist or coach; buying a workbook; taking an e-course).

And, again, remember that you make this choice. You have that power.

Self-love is a door to nourishment, well-being and meaning. Twist the knob to open it, and walk through.