CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

As Prime Minister Morrison ramps up his usage of words like ‘Fair Dinkum’ as well as ‘Deadset’ in an attempt to convince Australian voters that he doesn’t own thirteen different pairs of chinos, panic as reportedly set in for the leader of the opposition’s equally un-relatable media team.

Despite making a career out of calling people grubs before entering politics, it appears that Bill Shorten MP is unable to draw upon any other vaguely personable parcels of colloquial lingo.

“What in the name of Mary are we going to do, you imbeciles!?” Shorten yelled at his media team.

Within minutes, his entire media team was on their phones googling Aussie sayings.

And by media team, our newspaper means the sixteen Young Labor members charged with making the leader of the opposition look as cool as other people their age who have good enough relationships with their parents to not enter youth politics, and as relatable as possible to everyday Australians like the mechanic they visit once every couple years before registering their car.

“I’ve got it!” said one Young Labor member named Brendan, who claims he doesn’t have dreams of being Prime Minister and just wants to see the party that best represents his political views at 22-years-of-age do well.

“Strewth!”

“Australians say strewth!”

Without a minute’s hesitation, Bill Shorten put on a oilskin Akubra knock off and charged towards the media scrum outside Parliament House.