The best thing about the new Ghostbusters movie is that it’s a funny film starring four hilarious women. The second best thing about it is finding out that something as simple as a change in gender can somehow retroactively ruin some men’s childhoods. WHO KNEW IT WOULD BE SO EASY TO MAKE MEN SO MISERABLE? We could have done this years ago. But now that the ball is rolling, it seems like the perfect time to remake some other beloved movies with all-female casts, in hopes of procuring enough male tears for all women to bathe in (little known fact: male tears do wonders for the skin).

1. The Goonies

True, there already are a few female characters in the film, but they weren’t actually Goonies. So how about a reboot with only female characters? Even the dread pirate One-Eyed Willy (Wilhemina) and Sloth (Slothina? Slothifer?) would be women. The plot is basically the same, kids looking for treasure to save their parents’ homes, but this version will involve 100% less Asian racism.

2. The Warriors

What if The Warriors was rebooted, but this time the whole movie was just the Lizzies? Imagine the outfits! The reboot would be all-women, in a city that was all-women, because the women had already killed and eaten all the men. The only man involved with the production would be Buddy Cole, who would head up the wardrobe department.

3. The Sandlot

A new girl moves into the neighborhood but soon finds forever friends in a ragtag team of local girls playing baseball. Trouble comes when someone accidentally hits a special ball autographed by Jackie Mitchell over a wall, right into the territory of “The Beast,” a huge dog who has a reputation for destroying balls. THAT DOG GETS TO STAY.

4. The Last Starfighter

After getting the highest score possible on her favorite game (Manfighter), a young woman meets the designer of the game, who reveals to her the true reason the game was created — to find Earth’s best man-fighters and train them to man-fight for real in space.

5. Slapshot

Exactly the same as the original, except in this one all three Hanson brothers are played by kittens.