I am so lost. I have offered him a pass to go explore his sexuality with different individuals—men and women—so he can find himself but he refused. He tried blaming his lack of sexual interest on his testosterone levels but his test results came back normal. I know he masturbates on a daily basis and now that is starting to brother me. I do not know what to do anymore. I do not know how I can continue being his partner if nothing changes. And what should I do?

That was curt. I'm sorry.

But I don’t see what you’re getting out of this relationship and I don't understand why you didn't end it long before you found those panties. (Not faulting, just wondering.) You wanna have a sexual relationship with your romantic partner, CLOSE, and that's a perfectly reasonable expectation—and it's one your boyfriend led you to believe he could meet. But adding what you've discovered in the last three months... his panties, his boobs, his porn preferences... adding that together with how long it's been since you've had sex... the math would seem to indicate that your boyfriend isn't interested in meeting your needs or is incapable of meeting them. So unless you're willing to settle for this... he's gotta go.

The most charitable read is that your boyfriend is a very complicated straightish guy who has neglected you out of disinterest in partnered sex generally. But even if that's the case, CLOSE, he sought out a partner—that would be you—knowing he wouldn't be able to meet their needs and could only be bothered to fake it until you'd committed to him. That's a shitty thing to do. Whether he's a closeted gay or bi man (or a closeted trans woman) or whether he's not interested in sex partners of any gender, CLOSE, he had no business initiating this relationship—or if he only realized this about himself recently, he has no business remaining in this relationship.

Maybe he didn’t know how unfair he was being; maybe he was into sex with you three years ago and he's only gradually come to realize that he's bi or gay or trans and his desire for you melted away as a result. But even if the most charitable read is the accurate one, CLOSE, your boyfriend isn't going to be able to meet your perfectly reasonable needs. So unless you’re willing to settle for a sexless relationship… you gotta go. — Dan