Why We Feel Alone Even When We’re Surrounded By Others

The 21st century has changed the way our society function. We feel alone even when we’re surrounded by people. Unlike half a century ago, communities and neighbors are less trustworthy upon each other.

People are less active in their schools, churches and government. We’re even at a point where most people stop bothering to participate in most community activities.

There’s even a good chance your Facebook friends don’t care about you that much. They won’t sympathize with any problems you post or complain about. And despite the “hundreds of friends” someone might have, they might only label three people in their list as someone they could trust.

Then there’s the case of people who switch from friend to friend every year. They find themselves distancing themselves from others, and can lose the will to love because of the overwhelming effects of being alone. They fear the idea of loving someone because they suspect they’ll lose it just as fast.

Which is why when someone distance themselves from people, they lose the ability to distinguish other people thoughts from their own. They assume everyone think or believe what they do, finding the opinion of others too difficult to accept if it differentiate from their own. They view their peers as being “foreign” because they spend very little time with them and feel like they can’t relate to them on personal matters.

I still remember watching any 1960 television show that displayed a family inviting their neighbors over to have dinner together, and showing a sense of friendliness that isn’t common today.

Unless I was best friends with someone, the idea of inviting someone to my house was a skeptical idea of embrace. And I’m not the only one who think this way. Most people find themselves feeling less trustworthy of strangers because of the possible threat they can put themselves in.

Unlike a time where it was easy to trust others, we live in an age of suspicion and high alert. We find ourselves turning our heads over our own shoulders to ensure no one is taking advantage of us. We grow skeptical of the way our school systems. corporations, and government behave to a point a majority of people have stopped actively opposing it because it seems useless.

But why have our communities shrunk over the last century?

The concept of trust and honesty has lost most of its value. Usually the way a community manifest itself is through a buildup of everyone actively participating in a group project. Whether it’s cleaning up the neighborhood or initiating an event, it begins by people who live nearby getting together, initiating a plan of action, and putting in an effort to make their neighborhood a better place for everyone.

But as the world becomes more technical and more people find themselves working, the less they have time to plan for other things. Unlike the 1960s where house wives had the time to plan get-togethers with neighbors and discuss school fundraisers, husbands and wives are both working and returning home with the idea of just relaxing in front of the television.

Instead of the average teenager who used to be excited to return home so they could rush outside to play baseball or hang out with their friends in a central point in the neighborhood, they hide in their rooms to either play on their phone or computer.

And with more people getting jobs outside their neighborhoods and cities, they find themselves disassociating with their homes because they’re rarely there. They tend to care less about their community because they spent most of the time either at work or in their car while in traffic.

Not to mention the impact that technology has made upon everyone. Where once the television was the biggest distraction someone had indoors, we now have phones, video games, and the internet.

We check Facebook, our text messages, or our emails compulsively, becoming addicted to any red notifications we spot. When one does arrive, it gives us a brief sign of relief because we feel like someone consider us important. We seek more social acceptance from strangers online than with the people we know in real life.

Most people would rather spend their weekends online than go outside or spend it at their friends house. And it’s physically spending time with people that build communities into a better place. Spending time with people erase the idea that we can’t trust anyone other than ourselves because we develop a sense of comfort for our fellow human.

Although our world has the ability to make best friends in China and Europe, it reduced our ability to naturally trust others because we spend less time with them in real life. Whether we stick our eyes to our phones, YouTube, or a video game, we give most of attention to technology today.

What Are Your Own Values

Eventually, you realize that you’re hard wired to behave a certain way. Whether you’re extroverted or introverted will be a truth you’re going to have to accept.

You can be very introverted and spend a lot of time alone, which is something most people won’t understand. You can be very sensitive and feel disappointed by other people actions even if it’s small or invalid. Perhaps you even make villains of anyone who disagree with you or romanticize failed relationships you should immediately abandon.

A common relief people use is staying busy on websites such as Facebook, Reddit, or YouTube to temporarily forget reality. But we still get the need to speak to someone in the real world.

It’s easier telling your thoughts to someone in person than on screen. I understand it’s difficult to find someone willing to listen to your problems or to the very least, interact with someone who understands you.

You can speak to someone but they may not see you for who you really are. Your life may be full of people, but if you don’t regularly spend time with someone to discuss your thoughts and feelings, your loneliness can damage you physically and mentally.

You may feel empty, but you can’t fill that emptiness with food, alcohol or even electronics. Fulfilling that emptiness involves being seen and heard while also giving your full attention to someone else.

Engage in deeper conversations with anyone near you if they care about you. It’s easy to overlook the people near us or take someone for granted even if they’re the only one willing to listen to us.

We tend to be picky upon people want to interact with, searching for the “coolest” or “prettiest” person to be our friends. But it’s just as important to not be extremely picky when developing a bond with someone. Because as cool as it might be to have that “sexy” friend you can depend on, it won’t matter in the end when you need someone for emotional support and won’t judge you.

Perhaps you don’t have any real friends. Look at the person you see reaching out to you and test the waters by revealing your thoughts to them. We normally don’t choose our best friends, but accidentally make them by slowly revealing ourselves to them day after day.

Reveal parts of your life to people you see extra generous towards you and see how the other person behaves. Learn to reach out to other people so they could do the same for you if they find you comfortable to be around. If they reciprocate someone feelings while giving your own, you slowly kill that feeling of emptiness that makes people lonely today.

For similar posts, check out…

Why You’re Still Lonely and What To Do To Fix It

How to Defeat Your Inner Critic

The Easiest Way to Make Friends As an Adult