With the closed beta for Icons: Combat Arena coming to a close, competitors all around the world (except, you know, Europe and everywhere else except NA) are frantically trying to get a grip on the new game’s meta. “Where does my favorite character rank? Who should I look out for in tourney? When will they buff Xana?” they ask themselves. In attempt to answer these questions and more, I have compiled a totally unbiased account of the current Icons meta. In order from strongest to weakest:

1) Kidd

Strengths: Like, everything

Weaknesses: Pretty much nothing

Okay, so Kidd is actually good at everything. Fast, great combo game, good kill moves, best recovery in the game, tiny hurtbox, what can’t this guy do? His shine is super ultra mega safe and goes into more shines, which go into whatever the heck he wants. He has the most overpowered slow walk in the game; legend has it that if you walk into him while he’s doing the strut you take 999% damage and 1000 base knockback. As far as LAN results go, no Kidd player has lost even a single match in an offline tournament. Wavedash staff confirm he’s set to be nerfed “sometime in 2019”.

1.1) Zhurong

Strengths: She hits you and you die

Weaknesses: You hit her and she dies

Zhurong has been the subject of many nerfs already, but popular opinion still puts her at the #2 spot. Girl Marth has all the strengths of regular Marth, except the chain grab, and the fsmash, and the short hop double fair, and the ftilt… but she has a projectile! Why did they give Marth a projectile? Anyway, if you play against a Zhurong, don’t ever get hit ever, because she will somehow find a way to combo into a dair, and then you’ll die. Don’t shield either, because then she’ll grab you and you’ll die anyway. Wavedash, more nerfs please.

1.3) Ashani

Strengths: Gotta go fast

Weaknesses: Her legs are only five feet long, instead of ten feet like before

Ashani is super duper fast. Ashani is so fast that even if she guesses wrong on your tech, she can do two laps around the stage and still meet you at the end of your invincibility frames. She’s so fast that if you whiff a move, she has time to run to McDonald’s, decide she already has food at home, run back, and still punish your endlag. She’s so fast that if you even think about blinking, she’s already in your face with a nair. She’s so fast that Sonic had to stop saying, “You’re too slow!” after Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Way too good; please slow this girl down.

1.75) Raymer

Strengths: Has the sexiest hair in the game, and also his gun is pretty good

Weaknesses: Most of his skins cover up his sexy hair

Raymer gives opponents the constant dilemma of being amazed at how cool Raymer is, or being frustrated at actually having to play against Raymer. His zoning moves “the gun” and “also the gun” combined with his escape move “roll, then the gun” make him extremely hard to get in and stay in on. Once you get in, you have to get past his ftilt, which is approximately 10 Xanas wide and 5 Xanas high. By the way, his nair does a whopping 26%, like what’s up with that? Come on Wavedash, you can do better.

1.8) Weishan

Strengths: Has a really big sword glaive guandao

Weaknesses: Sometimes has to use his jab to keep opponents out

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” I don’t know about the speaking thing, but Weishan really took the second part to heart. If you are on the screen somewhere, he can probably hit you. The safe spots to stand against Weishan consist of the following: literally all the way across the stage. Did I mention his forward strike covers the whole stage and kills at like 30%? Totally OP; Wavedash please nerf.

2) Afi & Galu

Strengths: Gigantic disjointed hitboxes, free escape button

Weaknesses: If they get hit offstage they can’t use their free escape button

Afi & Galu are SO BUSTED that… okay, maybe they’re not actually that good. But man, have you seen the enormous hitbox on Afi’s forward strike? Have you felt the tremendous knockback from Galu’s up air? Have you experienced the pain of getting edgeguarded by an Afi fireball or being knocked into a combo by Galu’s water balloon? Have you agonized over almost following up an attack, only to be met with a lifeless statue dropping on your head on the way down? They’re probably not that good, but nerf them anyway.

37) Xana

Strengths: She looks like a good character if the opponent doesn’t know how to DI

Weaknesses: Everything

The most honest character, the hardest working, the intellectual, Xana is everybody’s favorite character. Unfortunately, Xana is actually just bad at everything. Can’t combo on DI out, can’t kill on DI up and in, can’t throw out an attack on Wavedash Arena without getting whiff punished from halfway across Malumalu. Her hitboxes are approximately the size of Kidd’s humility. She’s as slow as your grandmother on the interstate. Once the proud champion, Xana has fallen on hard times since her defeat to the cheater who uses a power suit Ashani. Jason pleeeeeease buff.

In conclusion, the current tier list looks something like this:

SSS: Kidd

SS: Zhurong, Ashani

S: Raymer, Weishan

A: Afi & Galu

G: Xana

Thanks for reading the closed beta edition of the Totally Unbiased Meta Report, and join me next time when I tell you how character #8 is also overpowered.