Hey, boys and girls, it’s your buddy Krenko here, and I’m here to warn you about a dangerous threat facing the world today:

Communism.

See, some cards think that your labor shouldn’t result in your labor. They think that if you get a spell, especially an instant or sorcery, then everyone needs to get that spell. They think that all players need to have the same spell for it to be fair, but who do you think is paying for everyone else to get these spells. They want six of your hard earned mana first, and even then, when you pay for a spell, everyone else gets it for free!

Is that fair? Is that right? Should your mana sources, that you had to draw, that you had to play, that you had to tap, go to giving people who aren’t willing to work free sorceries and instants? Of course not! But the worst part here, the WORST PART, is that this is just a FRONT!

My opponent would have you believe that he’s doing this in the interest of fairness and balance, but this isn’t a way to protect the mana-poor like our Mulligan Laws, or keep the rich from overtaking the economy, like people’s hero Gaddock Teeg. This is a way for people who control the Hive Mind to ABUSE the Hive Mind! They’re going to be copying instants and sorceries that only help them, like Nekusar forcing everyone to redraw their hand multiple times, or worse, they’re going to cast actively harmful spells, like Pact of the Titan, to outright murder the people they’re pretending to help! This is a cruel, vile card!

But what does Krenko offer? Good, honest goblins. Instead of sharing spells and forcing others to share, Krenko offers a strong return on a strong portfolio: Goblins. Krenko promises a 100% return on investment of goblins EVERY TURN. The goblins you summon, the goblins you put your effort into, grow for you. Krenko promises proper, capital gains for anyone willing to take advantage of a goblin-rich portfolio! While HIve Mind may pretend to be the card of the people, I, Krenko, am truly the one who wants this economy to grow, and to reward those who work for it!

And isn’t that truly the American way?