Oh shit, no! Don't take that as a challenge!

The animal kingdom consists of a vast number of beautiful and intricate creatures who have learned over the eons to adapt to the world surrounding them--and that's totally cool, because if they come in our yard we can just kill them. Stomp on 'em, poison 'em, shoot 'em, hit 'em with your car--whatever. Mankind is a motherfucker, Nature, and until you "adapt" to death itself, you'll never take us.

5 East African Giant Snails

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As previously mentioned, the East African giant snail is just like a normal snail, that can grow up to eight-inches long. Easily big enough to cross the cuteness threshold and venture firmly into "living slime penis" territory. Look at this shit; they're actually big enough register facial expressions:



"Did you just call me a living slime penis, dickhead?"

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Great! So How Do I Kill It?

While seemingly identical in form to their adorable (and easily crushable) counterparts, the East African giant snail is the John McClane of the snail kingdom.



Yippie Ki Yay, motherfucker!

But come on! Even the Die Hard of snails is still a goddamn snail, how tough can it be to take one out? Well, try asking some East Africans: In areas infested with the snails, locals have tried quarantines, pesticides, poisons, introducing other predators--they did everything but bust out the pulse rifles and flamethrowers Alien-style just to kill these stu- What's that?

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Oh, they actually did bust out the flame throwers? For snails? Doesn't that seem like overkill?

Sure, a little bit. But keep in mind, to consider something overkill it usually has to work. That's right: Even flamethrowers did not curb the advance of the East African giant snail. So how did they finally stop them?