Dear Santa,

I know that, in the eyes of Waytools, I have been very, very bad.

I have criticised, cajoled, carped on, crapped on, comedicised (coined a cornily uncomedic new word there), catalogued, created poor fiction and continued hassling, on occasion, Waytools.

What I’d really like for Christmas is my Textblade. I know it is only Q1 2017, and you might think I really mean Christmas in July (which in the Southern Hemisphere we have as a ‘thing’ because that’s when we have winter) - and Santa, you’d be right.

I would love to see the Waytools arrived no later than the end of Q2, 2017.

The thing is, I know your powers only extend so far, and that given history gives a historical perspective on things which likely means you’ll punish my naughtiness by delivering during Christmas Q4 of 2018…

It still would be really, really nice if Christmas Q4 2017 could actually maybe happen this year.

I know it was supposed to arrive in 2015, and then 2016. But it’s now 2017 and with the end of January nearly upon us and Donald Trump about to be sworn into office, it would be great to type out a few paragraphs on a TextBlade before Trump makes a mistake and press the nuclear button instead of the Tweet button and blows us all to smithereens.

I know you’re pretty safe up there in the North Pole, but hey, radiation will encircle the globe if that happens, and I know you’re already red and glowing but if we could avoid the whole nuclear scenario (with your help!) that would be pretty damn amazing, too.

So… please Santa… can we please get the Textblade this year? Please? Pretty please?

Thanks Santa

With lots of love

Alex

P.S. Yes I still believe in you, Santa! You’re a lot more believable than a delivered Textblade! I’ll go Textbalde before a Textblade gets delivered at this rate.

P.P.S. Thanks for reading this far, Santa. You’re a champ. Please give my best to Mrs Santa and each of the reindeer extra carrots, and may those elves on your shelves always be their best selves!