St. Louis, MO—

Local Trump voter Paul Ruddins shared his opinion of President Donald Trump with The Halfway Post as a part of our new journalistic project, “Out Of Your Bubble: Get To Know Trump Voters.”

“I know Donald Trump is a terrible human being, and that’s exactly why I like him,” Ruddins explained. “Like, objectively, Hillary Clinton was an obviously more competent person to head the public bureaucracy, but that’s why she was the worst possible choice. Liberals don’t understand why we conservatives hate Hillary so much. It’s because she’s, like, a mean mom, who won’t get off your case about cleaning your room, or moving out of her basement. And what does Hillary stand for? Hillary’s all about destroying coal jobs because it’s poisoning the environment and whatever, but what a buzzkill. These are people’s jobs we’re talking about. And then Hillary’s all like, I have this detailed list of how to get those coal miners in West Virginia new green jobs by incentivizing futuristic energy companies to come to rural communities and build a new power grid for the future. But why take the coal jobs in the first place? The government needs to just leave people alone. Like, Hillary’s kind of like a teacher that actually makes you memorize your multiplication times tables because, even though it sucks, it will be worthwhile when you have them all memorized. Like, F that! I don’t want to have to know what 12×9 is. The Constitution does not give the government via public school teachers the right to force children to learn multiplication. We don’t have to be forced to learn things. Trump is the perfect example of not learning things. Donald Trump has no clue what he talks about, or what he’s doing, and that’s why he’s the best. Donald Trump is two-handed middle fingers to every person who went to college, studied a subject in depth, learned how to do rigorous critical thinking, and then argued with me that evolution is real. Like, why are monkeys still around? And then elitist Ivy League libtards will tell me that evolution doesn’t say we came from monkeys, and that other primates and humans are both individually descended from a common ancestor. But, like, where’s that common ancestor now, then? Tell me that, liberal commie college professors! Just because I’ve never actually studied evolution, or climate change, or vaccines, or economics, and I don’t know anything about history, or geography, or genetics, or whatever else does not give people who actually have spent entire careers studying stuff the right to feel mentally superior to me. I’m not dumb, I’m just uninformed. Sure, on every nuanced, complex political issue I choose the simplest, least complicated solution that requires the least amount of personal sympathy or tax money, and often my opinions are backed by special interest groups that profit from apathetic public governance, but the government doesn’t need to be so big. It’s unnecessary idealism. That’s why I love Trump. Trump is the least idealistic person to ever exist. He’s the antithesis of caring about things or getting emotionally invested. He’s the total opposite of liberalism. He’s gonna be so ultimately bad for America, and it’s going to be a kick in the nuts for liberals who care that America is slipping in global rankings on all kinds of statistical metrics. Like, liberals set up a healthcare program that dramatically lowered the uninsured rate for Americans disadvantaged by poverty or health problems, and Trump is knocking it down for tax cuts. That’s what the Founding Fathers imagined: a federal government whose only purpose is to cut taxes. Libtards are going to tell me that I am completely wrong, and that they’ve read every letter the Founding Fathers ever wrote, and how my concept of our nation’s founding is misaligned with reality, but that’s the kind of thinking that Trump is kicking in the nuts with patriotic, old-fashioned American ignorance. Killary Clinton is a thinker. Put that woman in prison. Last time I had to deal with a thinking woman she divorced me, and thanks to that c*** I haven’t slept with a woman, or had emotional support, or even physical touch for several years. Feminism has ruined women in America. None of them will sleep with me. Self-respecting women are fundamentally unBiblical. Trump gets that. Trump is a taker of all things, women’s crotches included. Trump is the man. He allows me to vicariously fight back against uppity women and minorities with his alpha-male narcissism. Trump Train all the way, baby. Trump Train makes liberals so mad. And nothing makes liberals cry bigger snowflake tears than when the public government fails in its duties and responsibilities. I love liberal tears. I have a cup that says ‘liberal tears’ so that when I drink coffee it’s like my cup is filled with liberal tears. Love it. When the government helps people become prosperous, proud citizens, that means liberals win. Liberals can’t win. America may be safer, cleaner, freer, richer, friendlier, and shinier with liberals in control, but America is more awesome when America has Republicans in control fighting for the interests of the super wealthy. Alpha males of the white race of the world: unite with Trump!”

(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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