Share 0 SHARES

SENATOR Ronan Mullen is to undergo a controversial new form of ‘conversion therapy’ which claims it can turn even the bellest of bell ends into a compassionate, reasonable human being.

“The process is evidence based, which should appeal to the Senator’s love of tangible things that he can see and feel and agree with, ” said one of the counsellors at the Galway based de-twattification centre which Mullen will attend for three weeks.

The centre admitted that they have ‘their work cut out’ when it comes to the notoriously pro-life, anti-LGBT Mullen, who in the past has claimed that mental health problems ‘aren’t a real thing’, and who recently called for more conversations around conversion therapies for homosexual or bisexual to transgender people.

“He seems to be operating under the impression that a homosexual person can just stop being homosexual if they want it enough, so the same applies for pricks,” said the counsellor, walking us past a lecture room where dozens of patients were being shown an informational video on how not to be such dickheads.

“There’s this notion that pricks were ‘born that way’ when in actual fact, it’s a lifestyle choice – Ronan just needs to choose a different path.

“Granted, he’ll have to live with a deeply buried hatred for himself, but something tells us he’s had plenty of practice with that”.

The therapy will come ahead of this summer’s Seanad elections, at which time Mullen is expected to undergo a conversion from a senator to an unemployed person.