“The US Central Intelligence Agency on Friday did something anathema to its usually secretive mission: it joined Twitter. And the agency’s first tweet was, well, snarky.”

—The Guardian

What’s everyone getting for lunch today? (jk we already know) #spies

Don’t you hate when Starbucks spells your fake name wrong on the cup? #AliasProblems #VentiVenting

RT if you love America, fave if you’re engineering a violent plot to ensure its downfall!

This Foo Fighters cover of Tom Petty sure is an “extraordinary rendition”!

We’re looking into it, Jonathan. RT @jpltaco my weird neighbor was up all night shoveling fertilizer into a uhaul, smells awful smdh

Anyone else dying at their desk after lunch? #ChipotleComa #CentralIndigestionAgency

“Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell is my new jam. Listen: thisismyjam.com/cia/_8ggramc

Just read his texts, he’s mad guilty RT @sophiesm87 I think Jayden is cheating on me ??

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Lookin’ for detailed schematics of the Brooklyn Bridge? Click here: cia.gov/ip-tracker

tbt when it was way harder to get everyone’s info, thx @twitter @facebook #blessed

If you’re ██████ avoid ████ spilled ███████ water supply.

wat RT @BarackObama Happy Bastille Day!

@TunaBoner69 Sorry, we have no record of your brother ever existing ¯_(ツ)_/¯

FF some rockin’ punk bands @foofighters @wilco @the_national @chilipeppers

If you live in Syria, DM us. You just won the #free #cellphone #giveaway!

@kaliereed7 No, the free phones aren’t bugged #notallspies

The humidity at Langley feels like we’re being tortured in a black site in Thailand. #sorrynotsorry

Hope this drone attack makes an O.K. wedding gift. #YOLO

Engage Operation Nightingale IV

Whoops, accidentally sent a draft! Unrelated, but praying for those lost in Cleveland after all the oxygen mysteriously caught fire.

Illustration: Ed Nacional