gobletof1123

Item # SCP-XXX-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXX-J is to be kept in an average D-Class storage cell with 3 feet of sound foam installed around the room. Requests for food from the Site cafeteria allowed.

Description: SCP-XXX-J is a human male that goes by the name of [REDACTED]. He is 5ft 8in tall and weighs 140lb. Anomalous properties manifest when SCP-XXX-J is active and is in search of a target, now known as SCP-XXX-J-1 or the “target". When SCP-XXX-J has found said target, he will proceed to destroy the person’s mental sanity with a nasal voice that is more annoying than any nerd in the world combined in the following processes:

-Constantly talking to them. (You talk more than my mom and my ex, combined)

-Making terrible jokes in the wrong situation which often makes the situation worse. (Look dumbass, don’t make suicide/sexual jokes right in front of my suicidal friends.)

-Constantly trying to talk to the target while said target is currently in a conversation, often breaking up the conversation which ends up in catastrophic failure. (JUST WAIT UNTIL I’M DONE TALKING YOU CUNT)

-Making up stupid lies just so he can join the conversation, often breaking up the conversation which also ends in catastrophic failure. (Seriously dude, no one cares about the time that you “found” child pornography on an old PC)

-Constantly saying the same shit over and over again to try to get a laugh from the target. (Fucking hell, if I had 5 cents for every time you said “You suck more dick than a 5 cent hooker on the Vegas strip", I’d have enough money to pay off the Foundation debt plus the U.S. debt)

-Not having a proper understanding of what “personal space” means. (This is why site personnel call you “gay”)

-Repeating something funny someone else said 3 seconds after someone said it in an attempt to get a laugh.( Seriously dude, it was funny the first time, now you just killed it)

-Constantly tapping the target in order to get his/her attention which results in minor bruising and other physical damage. (STOP TOUCHING ME YOU ASS, I KNOW YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME, JUST BE FUCKING PATIENT AND WAIT FOR ME TO BE DONE)

-Being a smartass to other people around SCP-XXX-J that he thinks are dumber than he is.(Listen here dimwit, Guest Researcher Jackson is trying his best to better himself, and unlike you he actually contributes to the conversation and is actually funny)

-Charging to the target when they make eye contact in a similar manner to SCP-096 and then proceed to do said activities.(JUST GO THE FUCK AWAY MAN, I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU)

SCP-XXX-J was retrieved from ___ High School after __ students and half of the school’s faculty and staff committed suicide. Class A and B amnestics were were administered to the staff and students as MTF-042 “Hear No Evil” was dispatched to retrieve SCP-XXX-J.