Addressing Some Fears

I'll always try to be as transparent as possible with you guys. I think talking about these things is important.



It's no secret how quickly I've come into my own in the Siege esports scene. Thanks to you - the YouTube viewer, the Redditor, the Twitch subscriber, the caster/pro, whomever - I've been able to build a substantial following dedicated to a topic I like a hell of a lot. The "from nobody to celebrity" storyline is strong with this one. I truly don't mean to brag when I say that, I hate bragging. But this recent success carries with it a big concern - I feel like it's all come too fast.



Let me explain.



I'm now being offered (or considered for) casting/talent opportunities that I thought were way out of my league. Opportunities to do things I genuinely want to do, but feel woefully under-prepared or unqualified for, that I thought would take much longer to achieve. Saying yes means embarrassing myself because of my lack of experience, and saying no means passing up a chance to do the thing I really want to do. See the conundrum? I thought I'd have more time to help enhance these skills, but now I'm being offered chances for things before I'm ready for them.



Similar to this, I also feel like I'm being thrust into social circles with people who are also out of my league. These people include pro players, casters, streamers/creators, and their various friend groups. Nobody in particular has acted off-putting to me...everyone has been remarkable welcoming of me and my quirks. I know making connections is important in an industry like this, but it feels really strange. It's like everyone I meet treats me like they've known me for a lot longer than ~2 months, as though I already know everything or expect me to get their humor or how they operate outside of the internet. SPOILER ALERT: I'm brand new to this role in the community. I'm trying to learn and figure things out fast as I can, but if you talk to me like we're old friends or something, then there's no room for growth and I am desperately trying to grow. Does any of this make sense?



I am trying to understand all I can about the people and the game I make videos about, but with all of this happening so fast, I feel like a deer in the headlights. I feel uncomfortable. I thought things would move much slower than they have, and I'm finding it more difficult to adjust to this sudden rush of attention than I thought. I KNOW people in the scene, but I don't KNOW them. It's been 2 months - I haven't made any friends yet. And now I'm going to the Six Invitational and I'm honestly scared.



I really hope this all makes sense to read. Sorry if it seems like a ramble - I tried to cut out the fluff. But I felt like this needed to be said to soothe my nerves.

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