UK magazine Teen Tatler tells teens to flirt with their friends' fathers. Photo: Teen Tatler

Tatler magazine has been facing a barrage of criticism after suggesting that girls should flirt with older men in order to glean invitations to “swanky holidays” and fancy restaurants.

The Teen Tatler article ‘ten charm rules’ suggests that a good way to climb the social ladder is to flirt with the fathers of their friends, advising: “At some point take half an hour to flirt (gently) with the parent of the opposite sex and then write a witty thank-you letter – bingo, you’re a winner ... Think of it as essential homework for life. Hone your social-seduction techniques now and those same tools will serve you handsomely for ever.”

Unsurprisingly the most common reaction to the article has been one of outrage, with many taking to twitter to condemn it. “They’re basically saying, flirt with dads to get free holidays,” said one tweeter. “Really disgusted at what Teen Tatler is suggesting,” says another. “It’s like stepping back in time.”

Picture of the magazine article. Photo: Twitter/PoppyDinsey

But while many have been condemning the article, some commentators have pointed out that although it may be bad advice, it is quite normal for teenagers to flirt with older men.

“As misplaced as the advice is, there is some truth in the notion of teenage girls flirting with older men. It does happen, as it did at my school,” writes Radhika Sanghani in the Telegraph.

So, when it comes to teenage flirting, what is normal? “Flirting and seduction can be the most wonderful fun, and is an essential part of the pair-bonding process,” says psychological therapist, Annie Gurton.

“Flirting often needs to be taught; the girl (and boy) who does not learn how to flirt will be left behind in the mating race,”Gurton explains.

However, as Gurton points out, the Teen Tatler article is not just advising girls to flirt, it is advising them to flirt with older men. She believes that this is a big problem.

“Here lies trouble,” she says, “not just for the girls involved but also for the older men who find themselves being tempted by ‘jail-bait’ who are largely unaware of the effect they are having.”


Gurton notes that many girls will naturally ‘flex their flirting muscles’ on their friends’ fathers, but that thankfully, most men will not respond. “They’ll see it for what it is – dangerous,” she says.

Instead, Gurton argues that it would be much better for girls to learn to flirt with their contemporaries and not “men who could be their own fathers”.

“There is a natural boundary of age compatibility, and encouraging girls to aim for older is not good practice.”

She continues: “From a psychological perspective, it is unhelpful and unhealthy to encourage a girl to flirt with a far older man when her natural match is someone more or less her own age.”

Other potential risks include feelings of rejection or being labelled as a “Lolita or seductress.”

Gurton also notes that there is often an unspoken bond of trust between our children and their friends’ parents. “Breaking that trust is like incest,” she explains.

“When we send our kids to visit and stay at their friends house, we expect the parents to behave as we would. Encouraging our children to behave as temptresses is breaking the rules and boundaries,” says Gurton. “Its not acceptable.”