The Football Association has revealed its innovative ideas for attracting more girls into the sport, which include pink whistles, nice-smelling bibs and allowing girls breaks to stop and check their phones.

The plan, hosted on the Sussex FA website, also advises advertising “in places where girls go”, such as “coffee shops or the backs of toilet doors”, and suggests using discount clothes vouchers as an incentive. Possible slogans to attract girls include: “You won’t even notice you’re getting fit!” and “Who needs Facebook friends?” Today’s allegation that reform of English football is being blocked by “elderly white men” perhaps makes the approach on offer here a little less surprising.

While the drive to think about making the sport more accessible to women is welcome, some young female football fans have already made their thoughts on the list clear, writing to let the FA know that “we aren’t all brainless Barbie dolls”.

As the debate continues, how about similar guidelines for helping women and girls get ahead in other tricky, male-dominated areas?

Getting women into politics

David Cameron tells Angela Eagle to ‘Calm down, dear’ during prime minister’s questions. Photograph: PA

Insert small cosmetic mirrors along the back of each bench in the House of Commons.

Slip a discreet handbag-sized brochure of eligible male MPs into the graduation packs of female politics students.

Encourage even more media coverage of the great shoes female MPs get the chance to wear.

Suggested slogan: “You might be told to ‘Calm down, dear’, but it’s the taking part that counts!”

… and business

Scented toilet paper in the company lavatories.

Replace office Christmas tree decorations with miniature tampons.

Launch an all-female office snowboarding trip so the organisation can technically claim higher numbers of “women on boards”.

Suggested slogan: “You’ll be having so much fun you won’t even notice you’re being paid 15% less!”

… science

More competitions about makeup and hairdryers. They’ve worked so well in the past!

Nice-smelling lab coats.

Run a blind-date night where each girl has to come as a different element of the periodic table and find an attractive atom to make a compound with.

Free tissues in the lab for when they start crying everywhere.

Suggested slogan: “Science: it’s really just all about perfume!”

… engineering

Create glittery tools that female engineers can buy for a bargain 150% more than the mainstream versions.

Specifically advertise roles where hairstyle isn’t likely to be affected by working conditions (and similar perks).

Target potential recruits in places where women go, such as Topshop and Bridget Jones’s Baby screenings.

Suggested slogan: “We’re only 9% of the workforce and that’s before we get pushed out by sexism, but by golly our hair looks good!”

… space

Astronaut suits with built-in feather boas.

Free manicures to be performed by male colleagues during re-entry to Earth’s atmosphere, in preparation for media coverage on landing.

A small but well-stocked shoe shop on board the International Space Station.

Curvier, more feminine-shaped rockets.

Suggested slogan: “There’s no washing-up to do in space!”

… maths

Calculator displays that show flowers instead of numbers.

Seat girls next to male students in the classroom so they can easily learn by peeking at the boys’ answers.

More exam questions about working out VAT on chocolate and the rising price of women’s underwear.

Suggested slogan: “It’s as easy as one, two … ooh a pretty flower!”

… tech

Gamers at a World Cyber Games championship in Singapore. ‘Create some kind of international online mob that can shut down any women who mention sexism in gaming.’ Photograph: How Hwee Young/EPA

Raise girls’ aspirations by increasing the breast size of female characters in computer games just a notch more.

Distract attention from sexual harassment at conferences using flashing lights and loud music.

Create some kind of international online mob that can shut down any women who mention sexism in gaming, thus making women feel much safer and attracting them to the industry in hordes.

Suggested slogan: “Equal opportunities means women can be harassed in virtual reality too!”

Of course, increasing funding and media coverage for some of our excellent women’s football teams might arguably be a good way to encourage girls into the sport. But where’s the feminine fun in that?