

No one would EVER forget their names.

You’d make sure of it.



That color blindness diagnosis from the pediatrician’s office would be no big deal.

Seriously.

No.

Big.

Deal!

You wouldn’t hesitate to move your daughter’s canopy bed outside for a tea party with her BFF…

Because this is a totally normal thing to do…

Right?

The moment you finished your son’s ridiculously expensive Star Wars bedroom makeover…

he’d tell you he wanted a Spongebob bedroom instead.

Your family would take co-sleeping to a whole new level.

Kids in the bed…

Parents on the floor.

You’d wake up one morning to find this happening in your daughter’s bedroom,

and you’d scream, because it would be just like that scene in Poltergeist…

Except this time, you’d suspect your Ambien prescription might be to blame.



You’d be too afraid to check your son’s room down the hall.



Your children would mainly communicate with each other via Skype on their personal laptops- even in the same room.



Your controversial co-ed sleepovers would be the talk of the neighborhood.



Your baby would develop the most vexing calluses on his knees after learning to crawl on your nursery’s fashionable jute rug.



You’d never regret the decision to turn your master bedroom into the kids’ “learning center.”

The road to Harvard starts NOW.



Your daughter would pretend to bake cookies in her mini-kitchen– just like Cook makes them in real life!



Your sons would become known among the other kids for their organizational skills.

You’d discover too late that this kind of reputation is not necessarily a good thing.

A nightmarish bout with head lice in 2011 would result in individualized pillows for every child who spent the night.



When your son whined that Druthers Hannover’s new nautical-themed room was cooler than his…



You’d enlist your decorator’s help to quickly and decisively put those upstarts in their place.



Your eldest would be packed off to military school after the infamous ‘Rope Cutting Incident’ on the night of October 9, 2012.

Don’t you wish your kids were pottery barn kids?

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Header image adapted with permission from Lance Shields/Flickr

All other images via Pottery Barn

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