I was first diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder when I was 16. I'd been hacking at my arms with razorblades for two years by then. My only real comforts were writing poetry, drawing and drinking cheap white cider - which I managed to get hold of by hanging outside off-licenses and flirting with the men going in. Eccentric and over-sensitive, I was ostracised by much of my peer group at school.

Borderline Personality Disorder mainly affects women. According to Mark Winstanley, CEO of mental health charity Rethink, "around one in 100 people have BPD". It is characterised by fear of abandonment, impulsive behaviour (such as substance abuse, overspending and risky sexual behaviours), mood swings and feelings of emptiness. BPD can play havoc with interpersonal relationships. On the plus side, BPD sufferers are often very creative, intelligent, entertaining, passionate and inquisitive.

My second BPD diagnosis came this year, at the age of 30. My BPD manifests a little differently now. As with many sufferers, my symptoms have eased slowly with age. I no longer cut my arms and I have a good circle of friends. But the mood swings, the periods of depression, the paranoia over personal relationships and the issues with using drink as a crutch rather than an entertainment aid remain. Although I would definitely say I feel better overall now than I did then – which is in part due to understanding my illness better - in many ways I'm just a much higher functioning version of my teenage self. Recovery is certainly still a way off.

In the 14 years between my first and second diagnoses, therapists had continually refused to label me as BPD, asking me "How would putting a name to the condition help you?" I grew to learn that this was probably because BPD is widely considered one of the most complicated mental health conditions to treat. They wanted, it seems, to find any other diagnosis but that. The last therapist I saw was the one who finally re-diagnosed me – but he reduced me to tears with his bleak prognosis and evident discomfort at having to talk to a BPD patient.

Lynne, also 30, is a full-time mum. She had similar difficulties being diagnosed. "I wasn't officially told I had BPD until last year," she reveals. "Having the diagnosis was such a relief – it confirmed for me why from such a young age I have reacted, felt and thought the way I do." The worst parts of BPD for her are "dealing with rejection and simply seeing everything in black and white". However, she says "When I'm happy I feel absolute elation – there's no middle ground for me."

Helen, 24, is a final year medical student who hopes to pursue a career in psychiatry. "As a trainee doctor suffering from BPD, I feel I have a unique perspective on the disorder," she explains. "All too often I've heard doctors describe BPD patients as difficult and manipulative, and I've felt quite sad. I often think, how would you feel if I told you I was one of them? Would you be shocked? There's still so much stigma attached to personality disorders, even among healthcare professionals."

Elly, 32, is an office manager/PA. Like mine, her experiences of therapy have been disappointing. "I went on a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy programme," she recalls. CBT is a form of therapy which attempts to help patients manage problems by changing the ways they think and behave, rather than simply talking through their issues. Sadly, it didn't seem to work for Elly and she found it very uncomfortable. "It was incredibly hard and, bizarrely, I ended up trying to sabotage it all the time: always making my shrink laugh, threatening to leave, coming up with conspiracy theories about us being guinea pigs."

By contrast, Amy - a 30-year-old burlesque performer, writer and musician - has found therapy to be a "godsend". Amy went through Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, which is similar to CBT but focuses on acceptance of who you are at the same time as attempting to change the way you behave. It was specially formulated to deal with patients experiencing intense emotions, so is often used with BPD patients. "The techniques taught have helped me cope with everyday life in ways I could not dream possible 10 years ago," Amy enthuses. "It also took me 10 years of fighting to even be accepted on to a programme, unfortunately!"

Dr Kristi Webb is a therapist and DBT practitioner in America. She produces popular YouTube videos which discuss mental health issues including BPD. "Most DBT practitioners are based in the US, because that's where its creator, Dr Marsha Linehan – a BPD sufferer herself - comes from," she tells Cosmo. "DBT was devised 30 years ago after Dr Linehan observed that traditional talk therapy – e.g. 'Tell me about your relationship with your mother' etc – didn't seem to work on some patients. A lot of BPD is trauma-related, and simply reliving these traumas with a counsellor seemed to make sufferers worse. DBT is behavioural: 'You need skills, we are going to teach you skills'. There are four skills modules: distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation and mindfulness." What makes it different to CBT? "It contains some CBT," explains Dr Webb, "but rather than just saying 'You must do better', as CBT does, it says 'You're doing the best you can right now, but you can do better with some help – and how you're behaving right now is not at all due to histrionics or manipulation on your part, it's simply due to a lack of skills.'"

Why does she think so many therapists are scared of dealing with BPD patients? "The depth of pain in BPD frightens a lot of clinicians," she responds. "The suicidal ideation, self harm and impulsive behaviour seem dramatic and alarming to them. Also, the key to working with BPD patients is incremental change and a lot of them don't have the patience. For my part, I love working with BPD sufferers. I find them incredibly smart and funny – and what therapist wouldn't want to work with folks like that?"

Borderline Personality Disorder sufferers are often unfairly perceived to be wilfully manipulative, attention seeking and self-centred. Rubbing their hands in glee, the media frequently accuses troubled celebs such as Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Winona Ryder of suffering from the condition – without a hint of sympathy. That kind of stigma means that, yes, this is pretty much the hardest article I've ever had to write. It was only the encouragement of BPD-sufferer friends which actually persuaded me to go through with it.

It was time to speak out. So I have.

Charlotte Dingle Freelance journo/artist/illustrator/designer/editor of www.thisisbiscuit.com, a website for bisexual women.

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