36 Trashy Stories About 36 Stars

based on a true story

The Dressing Room follows the antics, laughs and scandals that take place over a year outside of a dressing room to the Stars, as seen through the eyes of a random, just sitting there, watching their world go by.

It is a bitchy, funny, and sometimes sweet story about what happens backstage with the Stars, told through the trash they leave behind.

a Random Hoe’s publication

Yes/Asia, Bianca Del Rio, Bjorn Again, Blondie, Boy George, Calum Scott, Caro Emerald, Cliff Richard, David Byrne, Deacon Blue, Enter Shikari, Elvis…h, Florence and the Machine, Gabrielle, Liam and Noel Gallagher, Gary Barlow, Go West, Harlem Globetrotters, Jason Derulo, Jess Glynne, Jack White, Madness, Magicians, Morrissey, Niall Horan, Paloma Faith, Prem Rawat, Rick Astley, Sharon Needles, Stereophonics, Super Vet, The Human League, The Vamps,

Years and Years, WWE

Look, Listen, Read

click when you see a Souncloud link and listen to the hilarious narrative

When asked during an interview if what he does can really be considered art…

Of course it’s not fucking art! It’s more than art. It’s the social history of tomorrow, dickhead. So, Damien fucking Hirst can put a shark in a tank, and then a cow, and then a sheep, for no apparent reason? If that skank Tracy Emin can have her rubbish strewn, filthy bed as art in a museum, then why the fuck can’t I put celebrity garbage in bell jars then make you laugh and reflect? I’ve even used really pretty pop colours, you prick!

Art is what I say it is and what people get out of it. It’s not enough for art to tell a story. My art is a story. Just like rummaging thought the ancient rubbish tips of Monte Testaccio in Rome, I’ve hunted the rubbish tips of modern fame to bring you an insight into the archeology of tomorrow. Today I’m a gossip. Tomorrow I’m a historian. Suck it up bitches.



Things Used For Picking – The Artwork



Things That Needed Sewing – The Artwork

Paloma Faith literally had red sequins falling at my feet when she went out on stage, literally. She was wearing this huge Kaftan with millions of red sequins that were just raining off of it. I made two of them into bunny ears as her teeth give her that bunny look. She was such a nice lady. But my God!! How much ASOS stuff can you return? The assistant kept going back and forth with arms of boxes marked return. I counted like 15. Lots of that stuff can’t be sold once opened and it is such a huge waste. She should know better than that.

Red sequins from Paloma Faith’s stage costume

Scales – The Artwork



The Things They Eat – The Artwork

The Harlem Globetrotters are so talented and friendly… and huge. But they stank. I thought they can’t clean their outfits properly because they perform so often? Why do they smell like dog paws all the time? As they were going back on stage I caught that smell once again and it was boarder-line cheese-busting. Then I noticed their hands. They were mostly eating fistfuls of corn chips. So that’s where the dog paw smell was coming from. I forgot corn chips and dog feet had the same smell. I felt so stupid.

Corn chip from corn chip bowl on munchies table in dressing room



The Results Of What They Eat – The Artwork



Things Disposed Of After Use – The Artwork

Gabrielle is lovely, but has a huge ass. What’s with black women and their obsession with huge booty? Did you know some of them actually die from having silicone caulking for windows and some kind of cement injected into their asses? Joan Rivers used to inject her own ass fat into her cheeks to fill out wrinkles. She couldn’t even see her tits if she looked down!!! I don’t think she replenished her ass fat with caulking though. And look what Gabrielle did to her mascara stick. Do you know how hard that is to snap off? No wonder she has to wear a fucking eye-patch.

Broken mascara from bin of dressing room



The Darling Buds Of… – The Artwork

Boy George, what a nice man. I thought so from the telly, but in person he is even nicer. He never spoke to me. I think he was shy because I’m kinda hot. When I first saw him, he was walking and yelling something out to crew. Then he saw me, stopped talking and just gave me a tiny little smile. After the show when everyone was going, everyone was hugs and smiles with me. Except George, he left giving me just the coy little smile again. What a sweet man. Made me almost forget about the foreign whore handcuffed to the radiator. I say that as if having a whore handcuffed to the bedroom radiator is a bad thing. I know guys with cages. Look at that cotton bud though. Clean as a whistle but for a tiny mark of eye liner. True pro.

Cotton bud from makeup table in Star’s makeup room



Send In The Clowns… The Artwork



Lording Their Rings – The Artwork

OMG!!!! I GOT A WWE BUSTED COCK RING AND HIS SHAVED PUBES… I MAY AS WELL DIE AND GO TO HEAVEN NOW!!!! I’d heard gossip over the years that wrestlers tie off their junk to stop erections during high energy performances. But to find the actual proof, there on the bathroom floor was a piece de resistance! I picked them up with a brown paper towel (for hygiene reasons) and then gave them a quick sniff to check for freshness. I’m not gonna say whose pubes they are (you know who you are, you cheeky bunny). I love the wrestlers. So nice.

Broken cock ring and shaved pubes from spare bog on star talent’s floor



Spilling The Tea – The Artwork



The Things They Shouldn’t Drink And That They Don’t Drink – The Artwork

The Gallagher Brothers. Smoke and mirrors and brotherly strife. The Liam one played first. Such a nice guy for a bad boy. I got a What’s App from a young lad I train with at the gym. He sent me a Facebook link to a video of a thoroughly cunted Liam on the tour bus, pissed as a fart saluting all his fans while swigging from a bottle of Grey Goose vodka. He said Liam rocked and was a rock party boy. I told him the video was fake news as that bottle still sit on his dressing room table hardly touched and there was only one bottle of Peroni beer unopened on the table. He was stone cold sober with his wife and kid in his dressing room. When he and his family went to see the opening band, he opened the bottle of beer and went out with it, then came back with it 3/4 full and went back to the dressing room. As he was going on stage to play, he had a carton of Tropicana orange juice in his hand. He said “Shit, I can’t go out with this.” and he passed it to me. I could kick myself for not keeping that one… Doh. His wife was lovely and his son so well mannered. He seems a very good family man and father. Bravo!

Peroni cap from bar in dressing room

The Sparkle And The Madness

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