

Every now and then the Developers ask for something...





BoB Rap

Help! It seems we're under attack!

Puns flying at us like a DF pack!

Some of them make me laugh explosive,

Some of them sting like a missile that's corrosive.

Well, you know that I'm no fool,

I can go faster than a node-running Zuul,

With 4.0 I don't see no bugs,

I like that I know when the Liir give me hugs,

and the sensor range overlay lets me see

what direction a 189 hivers are coming at me,

and I like that I can finally play the Zuul campaign

even though its difficulty hurts my brain.

Those fusion torpedoes really do their job,

so I'm back to my desktop for a few more turns of BoB

I'll stop rapping and looking like a jerk,

Thanks to Kerberos for all their hard work!

Peace out!

baelthazar





Demo Tunes

Rejoice. Your question has been answered! Make a song! – Mecron

Sung to the tune of something vaguely Nightmare before xmas-ish

When's the demo coming out? Mid-July! Mid-July? Are you sure, kind sir? Why yes I am! Mecron told me himself!

Mecron



Sung to the tune of If I Was A Rich Man

If I had a demo

yaha diddle diddle biddy biddy diddle diddle dum

all day long I'd pound alien scum

while I made my empire strong



I know I'd have to play hard

yaha diddle diddle biddy biddy diddle diddle dum

but it would be worth the sacrifice

(to support my vice)

and defeat the alie-e-en scum



mango



Sung to the tune of Over The Rainbow (with sincere apologies to Arlen & Harburg and Judy Garland)

Someway into the demo

Skies are green,

Theres a world that I've jumped to

ripped by a laser beam



The shuttle isnt killing them

as fast as I would hope

but they're still dy-y-ing



One day I'll find a bomb to drop

and then the Tarks will all be topped

but not for want of try-y-ing



Someday Ill be the master

of this world

with the flag of the solforce fleet

evermore unfurled



mango





Ship Design

Mecron threw down (inadvertantly dropped) a gauntlet...

To the tune of modern major general!

Sooooo…when I build a ship I pick the sec–tions that I want to use

These sec–tions de–ter–mine the basic stats and ship abilities

Like speed, man–euver, armor, shields, E–C–M, E–C–C–M and

Command points in addition to whatever else I want, you see!

I then pick which weapons I want to put in var–i–ous turrets

I put a single barrel light weapon in a light mount with ease

A double barrel light weapon in med–i–um turrets works too

Or triple barreled light weapons in turrets of the largest size!

Or triple barreled light weapons in turrets of the largest size!

Or triple barreled light weapons in turrets of the largest size!

Or triple barreled light weapons in turrets of the largest size!

A med–i–um weapon fits in a med–i–um turret of course

With room in the largest turret for two to fit quite comf–tably

And of course who could e’er forget the largest weapons of them all

In largest turrets you will find the weapons of the largest size!

In short for ships of custom build and combats of a great interest

Your best bet is to hope and pray for Sword of the Stars to release!

noeticist





Diplomacy

WE DON'T NEED NO CASUS BELLI!

– Sung to the tune of Another Brick In The Wall, Part II by Pink Floyd... that song where they say "Teacher, leave them kids alone"

zhirzzh





Oompa

And sometimes it's someone else doing the asking...

Oompa, Loompa, dompidee–do

I have another puzzle for you

Oompa, Loompa, dompidee–dee

If you are wise, you'll listen to me

once in a while a game can be fun,

when the day's chores have been finished and done

play when you know you should study or work

screws up your life and makes you a jerk

oompa loompa dont be a fool

playing it smart will always be cool

why dont you make something to share

with all your friends or couldn't you care ?

Oompa, Loompa, dompidee–da

If you're not greedy, you will go far

You will live in happiness too

Like the Oompa Loompa dompidee–do



mango



Oompa, Loompa, dompidee–do

I have another puzzle for you

Oompa, Loompa, dompidee–dee

If you are wise, you'll listen to me

What do you do when your fans are in–sane

Spouting off songs that pop into their brain

Banning them all would be very cruel

You know exactly what to do...

You taunt them with a demo!

Oompa, Loompa, dompidee–da

If you find us you will not go far

You will be dead that is a fact

from the Oompa Loompa Dompidee–do!

agent





Yellow Submarine

Liirian interpretation of the Beatles...

"We all live outside a yellow submarine,

Yellow submarine, yellow submarine,

We all live outside a yellow submarine,

Yellow submarine, yellow submarine, [...]"

Lazy Perfectionist

Merry Little Zuulmas

Have yourself a merry little Zuulmas,

Wear your mind shield tight

From now on,

Your troubles will be me(n)tal might



Have yourself a merry little Zuulmas,

Try not to run away,

From now on,

Zuul raiders are heading your way.



Here we are as in olden days,

Happy battle days of yore.

Bloodthirsty Zuul who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more.



Through the years

We all battle together,

If the Fates allow

Hang a meson beam under your cruisers prow.

And have yourself a merry little Zuulmas now.



martinl





The Night Before Zuulmas

Twas the night before Zuulmas, and all through the cluster

The races engaged in their usual bluster

The Tarka called everyone upstarts and pests

The Hivers all swarmed to defend their deep nests

The Liir stuttered about and left messages cryptic

The Morrigi hid both below (and above!) the ecliptic

The Humans they lay all smug in their beds

(While visions of sige drivers ran through their heads)

But deep in the void

Was the gathering storm

For a weasel alliance

Had started to form…

DemoMonkey

At first they came sneaking, small in their numbers,

Fast and evasive, left questions, not answers.

Our colonies ravaged, our people went missing,

We couldn't ignore that we really were slipping.

So we searched high and low, we planned and waited

And Lo, a sneaky weasel was finally baited.



And then they came in great numbers, hosts neverending,

so we banded together and fought unrelenting.

The hivers, as always, moved slow but steady,

their armor was thick, their blows very heavy.

The Tarka charged head on, all weapons blastin',

never showing their tales, never running - just fighting.

In and out of view, the Liir ships flickered,

They danced and doged, their beamy death delivered.

The humans where everywhere and kept on attacking,

their ships fast and sturdy, constatnly flanking.

Despite all the guns they packed and their number,

the weasel ships imploded, one by one, they went under.



We pounded the weasles and kept them running,

when we saw in the skies something new and quite charming.

They were no angels or princes, or respected elders,

nor dragons or queens, even tough they resembled.

Nay, they were birds, with powers of illusion,

With thin, snake-like bodies, and drones using fusion.

"Children of the Dust" they called as they descended

like a Murder of Crows, for they were offended...



But as time flew by, the crows were befriended

Diplomacy ruled as our trade extended.

Twas not to last, as one day we decided

To one up the rest in the warship department.

We built the Leviathan, the greatest ship ever

Displayed it with pride, and thought ourselves clever.



And wouldn't you know it, someone else took a liking,

A Lord of Winter came with Zuul heavy backing.

There was darkness and screaming, and a shocking realisation

as tentacles weaved and caused devastation.

Our pride was stolen, our ego bruised and batterd,

but know we knew the Suul'Ka were Liir that went nutters.



TrashMan





Hark the Suul'ka Herald sings

Hark the Suul'ka Herald sings

“Prepare for, the end of things!”

Death from space, civillians riled

All to doom, be reconciled

Fearful all your mournful cries

As the end comes from the skies

While the Zuul messengers claim

“Soon we come to kill and maim.”

Hark! They sing with fearsome chords

“Glory to the Winter Lords…”



DemoMonkey





New Crows Eve

At first they came sneaking, small in their numbers,

Fast and evasive, left questions, not answers.

Our colonies ravaged, our people went missing,

We couldn't ignore that we really were slipping.

So we searched high and low, we planned and waited

And Lo, a sneaky weasel was finally baited.

And then they came in great numbers, hosts neverending,

so we banded together and fought unrelenting.

The Hivers, as always, moved slow but steady,

their armor was thick, their blows very heavy.

The Tarka charged head on, all weapons blastin',

never showing their tails, never running – just fighting.

In and out of view, the Liir ships flickered,

They danced and dodged, their beamy death delivered.

The Humans were everywhere and kept on attacking,

their ships fast and sturdy, constantly flanking.

Despite all the guns they packed and their number,

the wesael ships imploded, one by one, they went under.

We pounded the weasels and kept them running,

when we saw in the skies something new and quite charming.

They were no angels or princes, or respected elders,

nor dragons or queens, even though they resembled.

Nay, they were birds, with powers of illusion,

With thin, snake–like bodies, and drones using fusion.

"Children of the Dust" they called as they descended

like a Murder of Crows, for they were offended...

TrashMan





I Got High

was gonna wipe out humanity, but then I got high

Destroy their towns and cities, but then I got hiiiigh

now the invasion has failed, and I know why (why man?)

because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

lada da da da da ta



I was crushing the town of Pari', but then I got high

I smelled the wonderful cheese, so I got hiiigh

Now my clan is dead, and I know why (why man?)

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got hiiiigh



And so it became that nobody on earth could ever use the term "cheese-eating surrendermonkey" as an insult against the french ever again.

The end.

fiendishrabbit





Little Liir Ship

Sung to the tune of "I'm a Little Tea Pot"

I'm a little Liir ship

Built to scout

This is my Flicker Drive

Deep scan is my snout

When I find your planet

Hear me shout

Shoot me down

and the Dreadnoughts roll out.



DemoMonkey





Ode to the Colony Trap

Sung to the tune of Timbaland's "Apologize"

Children of the Dust, living six feet off the ground, Returning to our homes, only this is what we found. You take over our planets, then you drive our purple ships, away! We tell you this is our land, didn’t think you’d turn around, and say

That it’s too late to Colonize, it’s too late… You said it’s too late to Colonize, it’s too late…

We built up all our worlds, got the tech that we used to know We’re coming back around, time to reap the things you sow Arriving at our planets, say hello to Autonomous Drones Now they’re gonna drag you, down to where you all belong, ‘cause that’s our way

It’s too late to Colonize, it’s too late… We said it’s too late to Colonize, it’s too late, woaohhh...

It’s too late to colonize, it’s too late… We said it’s too late to Colonize... We said it’s too late to Coloni-hiiiiiize, yeeaahhh, We said it’s too late to Coloni-hiiiiiize, yeeaahhh.

Children of the dust, living six feet off the ground…

Tryptic