RAVE culture ‘breaking’ America may be the worst occurrence in human history, it has been claimed.

Gym-obsessed, wildly enthusiastic Americans have embraced the dregs of rave, over a decade after it was ruined by the British.

Raveologist Tom Booker said: “They’ve skipped the bit where raving was fun and gone straight to massive corporate gurnfests in sports arenas.

“If you thought raves had gotten shit in the UK, the Americans have got this DJ in a rodent helmet who does not take drugs.

“I repeat, he does not take drugs.

“There’s another one who does dubstep and looks like a fraggle.

“This is going to get ugly.”

23-year-old Californian Nikki Hollis attended the 30,000,000,000 person Cand-E-Vibe rave.

She said: “Woooooo! Fuckin’ a! Here comes the drop! The drop! Woooo!”

Tom Booker said: “House music originated in America, but from black homosexuals in nightclubs that weren’t full of aspiring Abercrombie & Fitch models.

“The British soon adopted it, because as a nation we’re always looking for an excuse to take fucking loads of drugs.

“Then everyone had a brilliant time for a bit until a load of gangsters and public schoolboys realised it was quite easy to extort money from people dressed like infants.”