It’s the most wonderful time of the year! That’s right, less than 50 days until the January window creaks open, which means there may (or may not) be some actual substance to the latest chunks of hot gossip to splatter against the glass. While you process that image, let’s move on to Manchester United.

Ole’s back at the wheel, his minibus full of whippersnappers alighting at Old Trafford for a convincing win over Brighton. With his youthful side finally starting to click, it’s the perfect time to (checks notes) bring back 38-year-old Zlatan Ibrahimovic? Well, the understated Swede is a free agent after leaving LA Galaxy, and United could use a spare centre-forward – but Juve’s Mario Mandzukic might be a more likely winter arrival.

Speaking of which, United may press ahead with a £42m January move for Christian Eriksen rather than waiting for a summer free transfer, with Real Madrid interest simmering away. Spurs are understandably keen to get some wedge for their melancholy Dane, and could reinvest it to bring Ajax string-puller Hakim Ziyech to the Premier League. Mauricio Pochettino is also reportedly keeping an eye on Roma’s Lorenzo Pellegrini and Celta winger Brais Mendez. Well, it beats looking at the league table.

Over in Italy, Antonio Conte has Internazionale in the title race, but that hasn’t eased the Italian’s relentless inner rage. Conte launched into a furious rant after their Champions League defeat to Dortmund, attacking the club for signing him “a group of players who haven’t won anything”. Spittle-flecked Inter suits have come back with a long list of names, including PSG full-backs Layvin Kurzawa and Thomas Meunier, Napoli winger Dries Mertens, four-time FA Cup winner Olivier Giroud and former Europa League champion Matteo Darmian.

Finally, let’s whip through some other rumours in the manner of A.G. Partridge judging vegetables at Swaffham County Fayre. Leeds midfielder Kalvin Phillips is on the Manchester United radar, Crystal Palace are after Rangers hothead Alfredo Morelos, and PSG are expected to allow Thiago Silva and Edinson Cavani to leave the club for free at the end of the season.