← Back to articles Bullying: the plague that tears you Carolanne Tremblay , Tuesday, October 10 2017

Bullying can occur in a variety of ways. It can be words, gestures, images or behaviors that hurt, humiliate or socially exclude a person. It's different from a tease or a conflict between friends. I understood this by working with young people ...

To you, the victim, know that it is important to talk about what you have lived. Pick someone you trust and tell them how you feel, tell them what's happening to you, tell them what's going on. And if they don't listen to you? Find someone else. There is someone near you who's ready to listen, and who can help you.

To you, the victim, know that if you do nothing, it will continue to belittle your self-esteem. If you do nothing, your bully may do the same thing to another young person. Know that it is not your fault if you get intimidated. But know also that you can control the situation, assert yourself, develop a protective social network around you. You have the tools in you and your entourage can help you use them.

To you, the witness of an intimidating situation, know that you can make much more of a strong impact than you think. Know that, without your attention, the bully loses the pleasure of doing what they do. You have to understand that if you react, the situation might end in less than ten seconds. If you look on and do nothing, you're participating. Doing nothing, not reacting, is doing what the bully expects, because all they want is your attention.

To you, the witness, try to put yourself in the victim's place. Would you like to be treated that way? Would you like people to look on and do nothing? Do you deserve such treatment? I believe that to all these questions, your answer is "no" So, react, never let someone put another person down. I understand that it can be frightening to report a situation or to intervene during such an event. But remember how would you like the witnesses to act if it was you the victim?

Personally, I have the chance to never been bullied. In school, sometimes I was teased by my classmates, but never anything beyond my limits. However, I am aware that I was lucky. Lucky to live in an era where Internet was not part of our lives, where cell phones didn't even exist (yup, I'm that old!). That meant that after school was over, I was just with my friends and not the little bullies in my school. Thankfully, because my ears were huge, I had red spots, and I was (and I am still) very small... A wonderful mix!

I am aware of the chance I had of having gone through my entire academic journey without being bullied. But I am also aware that it is a very real phenomenon and that this has grown in size since my graduation. So, when you hear people from the older generations saying that you're exaggerating when you talk about the phenomenon of bullying, it's because they don't understand. They do not understand all the parameters of the situation, how much the world has changed, how much tools have changed! In the era where technology is becoming more and more important, the challenge becomes even more human, relational and social. Mellow and respectful relationship are liable to an open society who's ready to challenge and improve itself.