YOU-BER FINALLY CAME TO BIRMINGHAM

In case you’ve been living under a rock, you probably know that Uber finally began operating in Birmingham yesterday afternoon. Being the avid Uber fan that I am, I was ecstatic to give it a whirl in the Magic City.

Sadly, I didn’t really have anywhere that I needed to go, though. I contemplated taking an Uber to

-my dad’s house (he lives .2 miles away from me) -Walgreen’s (.5 miles away from me) -the gym (.3 miles away from me)

All of these options seemed a little ridiculous, even for me, so I finally decided to go to Dram, which is a whopping 1 mile away from me.

As I opened the app, I was ecstatic to see not 1, 2, or 3 cars on the map, but FIVE! My first driver arrived within 4 minutes in a brand spankin’ new Mercedes (welcome to Mtn. Book). He was a 65 year old, retired fella, who just wanted something to do to occupy his time because his wife wanted him out of the house.

After fumbling around trying to figure out how to use his Uber app for about 10 minutes, he finally gave up and just had me direct him. That was fine. I could deal with that. However, once he put the car in drive, he started driving like a bat out of hell. Again, I could deal with that….not the biggest of issues, as long a I get to my destination safely.

The biggest deal with Driver #1 is that he kept referring to Uber as YOU-ber. Seriously, he’s a driver and he can’t stop talking talking about how excited he is to be a driver for YOU-ber.

Does Uber not teach pronunciation in Uber 101??

After having an adult beverage at my favorite watering hole, it was time to go home, so, I again opened the Uber app and quickly got a driver. This one pulled up in a brand new Mercedes SUV (again welcome to Mtn. Brook). However, something was a bit off. The picture on the app showed a woman, but there was a man driving the car and a woman was in the passenger seat.

Upon arriving, they switched places and said that they were the Uber driver. It quickly came to light that this woman “lives” part of the year in China, and she was driving because her husband wanted her to do something while she was in America.

I took that as code for “she’s a mail order bride.”

This became especially clear when she couldn’t figure out how to turn on the car, didn’t know where the blinkers were, and drove about 10 mph. Nonetheless, she got me home safely, which I was, of course, very thankful for.

It is my sincere hope that every Uber ride in Birmingham can be as eventful.

Thanks for coming to Birmingham, Uber. It’s nice to have you in the Magic City.