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He is a scribe who has often been labelled the epitome of patriarchy in Mollywood, for his ‘firebrand’ dialogues, particularly that of Joseph Alex from The King and Bharathchandran IPS from The Commissioner.But the more we speak to Renji Panicker, the more the image of him we have in our minds seems to break. You realise that he is like every other human being, whose ideas and thoughts have evolved with time. In fact, Renji Panicker seems more of a politically sensitive and aware person who believes in the greater common good. A journalist, scriptwriter, director and now actor, Renji Panicker is someone who never leaves a stone unturned to fulfil his passions. While film aficionados have lauded his remarkable performance as the protagonist in the award-winning film Bhayanakam , directed by his close friend Jayaraj , he confesses that he is still apprehensive about his acting calibre. In a candid interview, the ‘cool dad’ of Mollywood introspects on his tryst with Malayalam cinema.Jayan (Jayaraj) called me one day, saying he wants to meet me. On meeting, he gave me the script of Bhayanakam and asked me to read it. I did and found everything about it perfect and said yes rightaway. I was very well aware that Jayaraj is someone who will never approach me for a role unless he is sure about it. I consider being able to perform the role of the postman in Bhayanakam as sheer luck, as he could have easily given it to an established actor. However, I knew it was going to be a challenging role, and had revealed my anxiety to Jayan. But he was confident that I will be able to transform my physique and body language to enact the postman. That gave me the courage to take it up.Prior to the shoot, Jayan and I visited Kuttanad to practise rowing country boats. I was familiar with it already as I am from Kuttanad. I also had to practise walking using crutches as the postman is someone who was left handicapped in the war. So I did a lot of homework for it. During the shoot, I kept in my mind that the postman is a war returnee and will have the trauma not only in his mind but in every move and thought of his as well. It is engraved in him and that is why, even in the most intimate moments with Gowrikunjamma, he tells her that the only smell he can think of is of gunpowder. Getting into a character that is the complete opposite of what I am itself was a trial. He is a softspoken person while I am just the other way around. As an actor I am someone who has never done a character as serious and deep as that of the protagonist in Bhayanakam. Everything was new and challenging to me.The positive aspect of it all was that the story happens in my native town and I was very well aware of the history of the land. I am also someone who has read almost all of Thakazhi’s works. It proved to be an advantage.Getting an award depends on how the jury judges the performance and the film. I heard similar comments while acting in the film and afterwards. Like any other common man, I too felt that it would have been nice if I had gotten an award, but at the same time I also know that the jury saw better performances than mine in the list of competitors.Everything (laughs). In my life, I have not done anything I don’t like. I have always chosen only those paths in my life which have excited me. I have written scripts and also assisted a director while I was studying journalism in 1981. Since then I had journalism and films in my mind and I am pursuing both.I still have my apprehensions and doubts about my acting skills. I have assessed my good and bad performances. I have enjoyed and loved only a few of them but I have never regretted doing any of my characters. I always wanted to try different kinds of roles and have never felt anything wrong in trying something new. Since I have my own verdicts on my characters, I take into account only those comments I feel are genuine. There are a few roles of mine that people have unanimously appreciated — like the dad from OSO, Premam, Godha and Jacobinte Swargarajyam and Kuttysankaran from Renjith’s Njaan.In the past four years, I have refused more films than I have acted in. Currently, I have chosen acting as a career, and I think the roles that are coming to me are those that the directors think I can essay. We can only choose from those. By experimenting with different roles, I myself will be able to discover what I can or can’t do. Sometimes the beauty we feel when we listen to a script will not reflect on screen. At times we pick roles out of trust in someone, out of friendship or due to commitments and obligations. It is difficult to be rigid in choosing roles in such circumstances.I think post Bhayanakam, I have the liberty to choose from the roles that are coming to me. Essaying the protagonist was a confidence booster and also a milestone for me. I explored the actor in me. It is a great leap when my performance in it was gauged as good by the director and viewers.I am working on it. Probably by August or September, it will be ready for shooting. I am someone who gets an idea about a script only after I finish it. I am not someone who writes scripts based on a storyline. Most of the time, I write shots and scenes on the sets. So I have no clue how the sequel will turn out to be.Earlier, films were never judged from such a perspective or rather, no one used to judge an actor’s standpoint through the characters he or she essayed. The atmosphere was different but now in the current scenario, even a casual dialogue is being dissected and criticised. I strongly feel that the dialogues, situations or scripts weren’t written consciously out of a strong gender prejudice. It was because I see the characters I have created as just characters. I will not ever accept it if someone says or tries to prove that I have gender prejudices. I am very clear that I am not. However, in the contemporary scenario, where new interpretations are given to whatever we do, I am very careful not to give anyone the space to interpret any of my writings as sexist or misogynistic.I feel I shouldn’t have written it. When I wrote it, I never thought of belittling women or even degrading the gender, it was just contextual for the film. Those who clapped for those lines have later found it disturbing. If I knew that what I was writing based on a situation will have a different interpretation in the future, I wouldn’t have written that. Definitely, I regret it. If a woman who sits in a crowd finds that my dialogues in the film is degrading her gender or has offended her, I agree that it was a mistake from my side. But I would like to make it very clear that I have never intended to demean anybody. I acknowledge it. If any viewer is or was hurt by a remark from the films that I have written - be it based on gender, caste, colour or creed - I shouldn’t have written them. I know it has happened. I have used words like ‘andan, adakodan, chemman, cheruppukuthi…’ but back then, I wasn’t aware how offensive these terms are. Only when criticism arose did I realise that I shouldn’t have written them.Being a politically sensitive and aware person, I should never bring caste or gender prejudice in my writings. I regret every word that I have used which have sounded so. However, my films as a whole have focused on humanity and were highly politically sensitive.It is unfortunate and I feel there are a lot of misinterpretations and misunderstandings. I don’t think there is any deliberate agenda behind any of the incidents.