SCP-4844

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SCP-4844, photographed in 2012, 7 years after its ascension.

Item #: SCP-4844

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: No effective means of containing SCP-4844 are currently known. Research and examination are being conducted to find methods by which SCP-4844 may be contained or terminated.

Both SCP-4844's home in Los Angeles and its ziggurat beneath the Caspian Sea are to be surveilled to monitor SCP-4844's activity.

Description: SCP-4844 is Tim Allen, an American actor and comedian known for performances in Toy Story, The Santa Clause, and Home Improvement. SCP-4844 possesses reality-bending capabilities more potent than those of any other entity in the Northern Hemisphere.

SCP-4844 is capable of numerous feats including flight, spontaneous materialization and dematerialization, fine manipulation of objects and substances, and stand-up comedy. The exact origin of these abilities is unknown, but they are believed to be associated with obscure and forbidden acting techniques SCP-4844 utilized throughout the filming of 2006's The Shaggy Dog.

Following the negative critical reception of The Shaggy Dog, SCP-4844 retained its public persona as a mundane actor, but began using its powers recreationally to pursue several personal projects in secret. The specifics of most of these projects are unknown.

SCP-4844's largest known project is a ziggurat of solid obsidian built at the lowest point of the Caspian Sea. Located in a semi-permeable hemisphere of breathable air, this ziggurat contains countless artifacts created by SCP-4844 as a form of recreation, artistic expression, or wish fulfilment. Notable artifacts found during clandestine expeditions are listed below.

A life-size marble sculpture depicting every character SCP-4844 has ever portrayed on film. The figures are engaged in unarmed combat with each other. The base of the sculpture is a pile of ostensibly deceased replicas of SCP-4844.

Forty-five wooden and bone figurines made to resemble famous actors that SCP-4844 has worked with. They are depicted in various states of severe injury.

An immense mural depicting a victorious SCP-4844 standing atop an overturned M1 Abrams tank. The tank is surrounded by crying women.

A scale model of the United States of America. Florida is absent. Much of the midwest is covered by an engraving of Tim "The Toolman" Taylor. He is smiling and wielding a claw hammer.

A 21-metre tall statue of Russian-American writer Ayn Rand. She is smiling and wielding a claw hammer.

Addendum: In 2016, a group of independent archaeologists unearthed a granite tablet in the ruins of the ancient Sumerian city-state of Ur. This discovery drew the Foundation's attention when the tablet was reported to depict modern-day characters despite being ostensibly 3000 years old. The tablet was acquired by the Foundation and the discoverers were amnesticized.

The tablet depicts SCP-4844, dressed as Tim "The Toolman" Taylor and flanked by Buzz Lightyear and Santa Claus. SCP-4844 is shown to be locked in mortal combat with American stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld atop an unknown volcano. Jerry Seinfeld is not known to possess anomalous abilities to the extent implied by this tablet.

No actions are to be taken to empower Jerry Seinfeld at this time.

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