“But multiplicity isn’t a real thing?!”

This is for everyone who learns of the concept of multiplicity/ multiple systems/ headmates/ plurals or similar and their gut response is:

“But that’s not real, that’s delusional, that’s fake, that’s pathological, those people are dangerous etc”

[And for everyone trying to explain that it IS real. Use this text, use excerpts, change it, link to it, expand on it, whatever you need. <3]

Many of us (Meeresbande) used to think this, too, because this is what we are taught, mostly. Sometimes we are taught that DID (dissociative identity “dis”order) is a terrible and very rare mental illness and/or we see horror movies/media where the antagonist/villain has an “evil alter”/ a “split personality” or whatever (or Gollum/Smeagol).

The above is not the truth about multiplicity. Guess what, Hollywood did not tell you the truth. Nor did your school or university, in all likelyhood.

“Multiples are dangerous!”

This is a very, very common - but also very, very wrong and dangerous - misconception, especially since almost every single portrayal of multiplicity in the media (fiction and non-fiction) depicts us multiples as dangerous (or the reverse, helpless and unable to cope at all).

The opposite is true: People with “mental illnesses/disorders” or who are perceived as such are far more likely to be victims/survivors of violence, than perpetrators!

Being multiple does not mean that someone is out of control or in any way less trustworthy than any singlet (non-multiple)! Individual members of multiple systems are just as likely to be empathic, non-violent, conscionable and reliable as singlets. As for multiple systems, it is very likely that one or more members will stop potentially violent behaviour of their headmates, so multiple systems are in fact less likely than singlets to commit violence.

“You can’t have people living in your head!”

Actually, you can’t tell what’s inside someone’s head/heart/soul/wherever just by looking at their body. You can’t tell their gender, culture, or religion, or even how many people they are. Because people are not just their bodies. People’s identities are far more complex and diverse and wonderful and complicated than that. If you want to know anything about a person, listen to what they have to say, because just assuming will not tell you anything about them.

Also: YOU have someone “living in your head”, too! Just because there is only one of you “in your head” does not mean that there can’t be several people “in other people’s heads” (putting that in quotes because it is overly simplistic).

Consider yourself lucky (or don’t, we don’t care) if you are singlet, but the fact that you are more than just your physical appearance and that your body contains one soul/person/whathaveyou makes it very likely that other bodies can contain several souls/people/headmates/whathaveyous.

It is also widely acknowlegded that DID does exist, although many people who acknowledge that fact still do not accept us as real people and instead pathologize our very existence.

Most people can acknowledge the fact that many children who are severely and repeatedly traumatized can develop DID and thereby become multiple as a result. It is also known that the severity of the dissociation (here: the degree of seperation between members of a system and/or the body) or the number of headmates in DID-systems are not directly proportional to the severity of the traumatization and that some people can NOT develop DID or multiplicity of any kind, no matter how much trauma they had to face. Or simply put: Some people dissociate/”split off” more easily than others do and some multiple systems aquire new headmates more easily than others do. It’s also possible to become multiple no matter how old the body is.

I don’t think it’s that far of a stretch to assume that our bodies, souls and brains use techniques to survive trauma that we have always had the potential of – in fact, nothing else makes sense. Therefore (and taking the above argument in account, too) it is very likely that multiple systems can also develop without any trauma at all. Or rather: That trauma can only cause multiplicity because this is something human brains/bodies/souls/minds can do anyway. If being traumatized could give people superpowers that no other human can ever have, why would it not be the ability to stop the trauma from happening or to make it un-happen?

So I hope this convinces some skeptics that both DID/multiplicity caused by trauma and multiplicity that was not caused by trauma do exist.

“OK, but that’s pathological! / Those people need help!”

No. There are many multiple systems where the headmates/members are very happy to have each other and would not want to lose each other or themselves or their separate identities. Now you could of course go and define this as pathological but then all you are doing is using the stamp of “pathological” to devalue the experiences and lives and existance of other people, using your privilege. Because this has been done enough, we don’t think the concept of pathology is useful at all.

Instead we should ask (pro-tip: it’s best to ask them, not anyone else!) whether or not someone/a group is doing OK and if not, what would be helpful. Ignoring, devaluing, erasing, invisibilizing, oppressing, persecuting, blaming or attempting to get rid of headmates most certainly is not helpful – on the contrary. (If one or more headmates make the free and informed choice to hide, or leave the system, or integrate with another headmate, that is a different story)

In fact it will always benefit them to respect them as people.

Note that this is true regardless of whether a system is trauma-based or not! That does not relate AT ALL to whether or not a system is “healthy” or “pathological” or whether or not to treat them with respect! All it tells you is if they had to suffer trauma or not, and being traumatized or not should not make a difference in how much you respect someone or their right to self-determination, because that’s not something they chose. There are, of course, also systems who(se member/s) got traumatized only after they already were (a member/members of) multiple systems.

If someone/a multiple system is traumatized, this will very likely have a huge impact on them and their behaviour, beliefs, self-worth, etc, but being impacted by trauma does not make them pathological or sick or whatever. Whoever traumatized them, if it was done by a sentient being who could have chosen otherwise, is wrong and should be judged, not the survivors!

If a multiple system or one or several members have problems and need help, they still deserve as much respect and self-determination as everyone else, in fact they might need more. Also do not assume that every problem they or one of them has is due to the fact that they’re (a member of) a multiple system, because that is rubbish and most likely the contrary is true (meaning they would be far worse off alone), if there is any relation at all.

“OK, but they’re not REALLY real?! They’re just made up, like imaginary friends, right?”

No, headmates are not made up or imaginary. They can NOT be “un-imagined”. Just like you can not be un-imagined either by yourself nor by anyone else.

Related to this is also the belief that only one member of the system is real (and looks like the body etc) or that one of them has to be the “core” or “host” or whatever – basically the “most real” one. No. There are systems who have hosts or cores or main-fronters or members who identify strongly with the body, but not every system even has those kinds of members AT ALL or can identify them or wants to. And regardless: All people are people and deserve the same kind of respect. We really don’t like to put one person in a special position above everyone else, but we even like it less if others try to enforce that from the outside!

To understand this better, it is probably important to know that most multiple systems have a headspace, which at first glance just seems like an imaginary place. But this is a reality; members of the system make real experiences there. Not all systems or members of a system can even modify their headspace at all and they have to obey the rules that are at work there. Those rules may be different from the ones in the outer world, for example it could be possible to share memories and thoughts and feelings with each other or change the weather or build buildings in a manner of seconds etc, but impossible to change the appearance of the inner bodies.

Inner bodies are real and can be a lot different from each other and from the outer body, for example have better or worse eyesight (or none at all), physical strength, disabilities, different shapes and sizes etc. Although not everyone has an inner body (most singlets don’t, some members of multiple systems don’t either). We did not “make up” or choose our inner bodys, nor can most of us change them.

We get that this is hard to understand, because all you see is our outer body. But we do have headspaces and inner bodies (some of us) and those are real and what happens there/to them does matter and we can not choose to be unaffected by them

There are different ways to explain headspaces and inner bodies (and how multiple systems devellop/ how new members join a system), and we don’t want to go into that here. Just respect people and know that these things are not “just made up” and/or insubstantial.

“OK, but therians, otherkin, fictives/factives [insert type of system/member here] are just too ridiculous to take them seriously!?”

To be honest, not all of us believe they exist, either, even though we do have at least one of those kinds of headmates. Then again, some of us are very good at denial, so that’s probably why.

Why is it so hard to understand that our bodies/brains/minds/souls/whatever can contain people who do not share all or even any characteristics of the outer body? Most systems contain headmates who have a different age, gender, eye colour, hairstyle, accent, etc. than the body. Most systems contain headmates who have different beliefs and attitudes and skills from each other. Why is it so much weirder to have a headmate with cat-ears than one with long hair even though the outer body has short hair? Why is it so important for you to police other people’s identity?

I think it boils down to whether or not you respect (not believe) the “origin stories” of some members of multiple systems and whether or not you try to enforce your belief on them. They might tell you they crossed over from their world (which may be a movie or book in ours) into ours and that they have lived for several hundred years and are of a different species. Maybe you can’t believe that. But it’s still not for you to judge them. You cannot know if this is true or not. Maybe you don’t believe this is possible. Fine. Just don’t discriminate against people who do believe this, especially since if that’s their experience and not yours, they have a far better argument than you do.

People don’t believe everything other people believe, not even everything they believe about themselves. And that should be OK, that’s not oppression in and of itself. However: Trying to enforce your belief on someone – especially someone you have significant privilege over! – IS abusive/oppressive. And that can include telling them they don’t exist or aren’t what/who they say they are or similar things. If everyone tells you this, this is abuse and oppression!

So: Respect people’s beliefs about themselves and everything else, even if you don’t believe the same thing. (Talking about belief as worldviews, not religion here, although the same thing applies.)

“But having a black headmate is cultural appropriation!”

Remember that we do not chose our inner bodies and can’t just change them. So it is not appropriation for a system to have a member who is of a marginalized/oppressed/exploited race/culture/ethnicity/faith/etc. other than that of their body/core/host/main fronter (if they have any of the latter). That is literally saying that someone is appropriating their own race/culture/ethnicity/faith/etc! But they can still contribute to cultural appropriation or problematic and oppressive things, because when interacting with the outer world they do get almost all of the privileges of their body and have to be responsible with those. This means putting dreadlocks on a white head, among other things, is not OK just because one of the headmates is black.

…………………..

We hope this helps some people (singlets as well as multiples) to understand AND ACCEPT multiplicity better and can help people explain it to others. We would also like to engage in (respectful) discussions about this!

– Meeresbande