LAS VEGAS (The Borowitz Report)—If Tuesday night’s Democratic Presidential debate fails to produce any memorable fireworks in the early going, CNN will “cut away to whatever Donald Trump is doing,” the network’s president, Jeff Zucker, confirmed.

“Obviously, we have instructed our moderators to goad the Democrats into attacking each other as personally as possible,” Zucker told reporters at CNN headquarters. “But if ten, fifteen, twenty minutes go by, and they’re just talking about the issues and so forth, we’re going to Trump.”

At the time the debate is slated to start, the billionaire is scheduled to eat dinner with his wife at a Manhattan restaurant, where CNN has already set up a camera crew and sound truck, “for when we decide to pull the rip-cord,” Zucker said.

“As news professionals, we have an obligation to show our audience what they want to see,” Zucker said. “So the Democrats should be aware that, as far as tonight goes, they are on a very short leash.”

Zucker confirmed that if CNN winds up cutting away to Trump for the remainder of the night the network will make a four-minute highlight reel of the Democratic debate available as a Web-only feature.