Christmas shopping this weekend at the mall was the exact opposite of fun. It was a day filled with screaming children, overly agitated people, and “sales” that you know aren’t really a sale at all. I grasped at anything that could make the day more bearable. I thought about how delicious warm pretzels are, I polished my sneakers on the way up and down the escalator (on the side bristles), and even watched teenagers throw change off the 2nd floor on to the people below (AKA, me). Fortunately, there was something amazing waiting outside in the parking lot, an attention grabbing black hole of a vehicle. The very first moment that I saw it, I knew it was special. As I meandered to the back of the parking lot dodging all of the cars that were deliberately trying to run me over, I was finally able to read the side of it. “Stinky Twinkie” – “Driving Mad Miles Since 2008”. Heck yes, instant mood improvement.

It was parked just a couple spots down from me in the mall parking lot, and nobody around me seemed to even acknowledge its presence. With so many mad miles, how could it be possibly be ignored?? I have no idea. Was it a figment of my imagination? I pinched myself to make sure, and decided it was not. It was in fact a real-life gigantic bright yellow van with a port hole window (brutally awesome btw), and a “Stinky Twinkie” billboard plastered down each side. Before my wife had time to tell me how childish I was for considering an impromptu, rain filled photo shoot of Stinky Twinkieness in the parking lot, I snapped off a few as evidence. Let’s be honest, making claims of a Stinkie Twinkie van without photo’s is about as good as announcing to the world that you have Sasquatch tied up in a top secret location. You’re a liar. Stinkie Twinkie on the other hand……. is as real as apple pie. I’m not sure how many, or what kind of miles are considered “mad”, but I would imagine each mile is special when you are rollin’ with this kind of style & class. With that, I present to you………. “Stinky Twinkie”.