It’s starting. Tottenham have been here before. Real Madrid have decided they want to sign Harry Kane next summer and Tottenham will know from past experiences that the Spaniards like to get their man. Today’s story has the European champions preparing to do a swap deal for Kane in an attempt to make Mauricio Pochettino consider the merits of selling the best striker in England. Admittedly it’s not Antonio Núñez they’re preparing to chuck Tottenham’s way. Nor is it a signed photo of Julien Faubert. In fact, at first glance it looks like they’re being mightily generous, with plans afoot for Real to throw Gareth Bale, Karim Benzema and Luka Modric into the bargain – until you consider that Benzema turns 30 in December, Modric is 32 and Bale was watching from the stands as Wales lost their decisive World Cup qualifier to Martin O’Neill’s galácticos after his latest injury setback. Hmm. Tottenham may want to think carefully before agreeing to that one.

Anyway there’s no point them even contemplating an emotional reunion with Bale. Not if Manchester United have anything to do about it. They’ve been after the Welshman for ages – it might seem that José Mourinho doesn’t need any more forwards but his team could do with an upgrade at left-back – and reckon that £89m will convince Real to sell a player whose star has slightly dimmed at the Bernabéu in recent months.

Unlike Bale and Kane, no one wants poor Mesut Özil, whose hopes of becoming rich Mesut Özil are looking increasingly forlorn. It turns out there’s exceedingly little appetite across Europe to hand the German the £330,000 a week he wants when his Arsenal contract runs out at the end of the season. Internazionale and Besiktas thought about it before deciding he was too expensive, and that could leave Özil having to come crawling back to Arsenal with a view to reviving negotiations about getting £250,000 a week. Arsène Wenger is feeling smug. Although whether he’ll still have space for Özil in his team remains to be seen. Wenger’s already eyeing up a move for the PSV Eindhoven winger Hirving Lozano, who could be theirs for £20m.

Paris Saint-Germain want to sign Chelsea’s N’Golo Kanté for £90m and watch him argue with Neymar over penalties.

In big striker news, Olivier Giroud is a target for Inter and Juventus, while Brighton, Crystal Palace and West Bromwich Albion want Sheffield Wednesday’s Gary Hooper, who would cost £6m.

Leicester City will attempt to sign Andros Townsend in January. Still, at least Mr Roy has that winger from Wolves. What’s his name again? Oh, what does it matter?