In 2016, there was no call too small for the Lake Oswego Police Department

From unwanted hamsters to 'Stan the Human,' here's the best of this year's Police Log

Sneaky Chihuahuas, lousy drivers, annoying partiers and baffling personages such as "Stan the Human" occupied the pages of the Police Log this year.

Of course, the Lake Oswego Police Department received hundreds of serious calls in 2016 — with heart-rending familial conflicts, missing persons and deadly incidents — but this is the time of year when The Review celebrates just how far people will take the LOPD's philosophy of "no call too small."

That outlook inspired one caller to inform the authorities about a man yowling at a bus stop who was sincerely attempting to sing. And the openness of local authorities also led a landlord to seek advice on how to handle the unwanted hamsters he'd been saddled with after some of his tenants had moved on.

Read on to enjoy a curated list of the comedic gems plucked from the Police Log this year:

JANUARY

1/1/16 2:45 a.m. When a neighbor complained about the level of the noise and rowdiness at a New Year's party next door, some partygoers went outside and knocked down her Little Free Library. Police determined that the property was not damaged, but they warned the party animals about noise and criminal mischief.

1/3/16 3:51 a.m. A pedestrian walking near First Street and A Avenue was shocked to see a naked male sitting on a mailbox. It turned out to be a statue.

1/4/16 10 p.m. A stranger showed up at the patio door of a residence and asked for panty hose.

1/8/16 9:11 a.m. Two women wearing AARP patches came to the door of a home on Glacier Lilly Drive. No crimes were committed.

1/8/16 10:19 a.m. A mother caught her 14-year-old daughter naked in bed with a 16-year-old delinquent. Both were guilty of truancy.

1/8/16 10:33 a.m. A woman was chagrined when someone stole the political sign in her yard and replaced it with one for a candidate she by no means supports.

1/18/16 2:30 p.m. Two juveniles wearing camouflage clothing were hanging out at the railroad tracks, jumping out at people and throwing sticks.

1/22/16 7:26 p.m. Five or six juveniles were skateboarding in Safeway's parking lot and jumping over a fallen grocery cart.

1/23/16 3:55 p.m. After an officer came upon a car in a ditch, its owner was cited for failure to drive within the lane.

FEBRUARY

2/2/16 8:58 a.m. Someone has been leaving bags of dog waste at a bus stop.

2/2/16 3:48 p.m. Parents who caught their son with marijuana wanted to know how best to punish him.

2/5/16 10:26 a.m. A nonmember came into the Mountain Park Rec Center, stripped and started using the shower. After getting dressed, the nonmember was trespassed.

2/6/16 8:52 p.m. A woman was concerned that some teenage boys were carrying sacks of eggs toward Hallinan Elementary School. However, the lads were simply returning home after purchasing the eggs at a grocery store.

2/7/16 8:51 p.m. Suspicious-looking men wearing beanies were sighted on First Street.

2/9/16 9:24 p.m. Drag racing was reported near the intersection of Kerr and Jefferson parkways. Engines were revved up, tires spun and there was a large cloud of smoke.

2/12/16 9:22 a.m. A curly-headed man with a vast belly asked a woman if she wanted to sell her hot tub. This bothered her, because the man would have had to go around her house to know that she had a hot tub.

2/19/16 5:19 a.m. A dead skunk in the middle of the road caused revulsion on Cornell Street.

2/25/16 11:49 a.m. A woman found a thick wire with a hook on the end. Police threw it away.

2/25/16 7:50 p.m. A man who said he had been in a store on Bangy Road just the day before threatened to come back again and dump soda on all of the books.

MARCH

3/1/16 2:47 p.m.: A FedEx driver with mysterious motives was seen taking photos of a black duffel bag.

3/10/16 9:26 a.m.: A golden Lab and a black labradoodle escaped from a yard by digging a hole under a fence. They got all the way to Tryon Creek State Natural Area before being found and returned home.

3/14/16 2:16 p.m. A man carrying a large stick with a pouch tied on the end was seen shaking the doors of businesses on State Street.

3/17/16 6:57 p.m. A man seen walking down a path reportedly started yelling that he was Jesus. His claim lost all credibility, though, when he grabbed a woman and gave her a big kiss on the neck.

3/23/16 3:29 p.m. A suspicious man showed up at a church. He hadn't done anything bad yet, police were told, but it was feared he might.

3/28/16 1:22 p.m. An individual wearing a gas mask was reportedly defecating in paper bags.

3/31/16 5:42 p.m. A swarm of bees were seen hovering on B Avenue.

APRIL

4/1/16 9:29 a.m. A man seen dancing and posing in front of the Lake Oswego Public Library turned out to only be waiting for the library to open.

4/11/16 6:19 p.m. While waiting for a bus, a woman disturbed other commuters with her tales about witches.

4/12/16 10:34 a.m. A fellow who identified himself as "Stan the Human" was questioned by police as he strolled on Northshore Road.

4/12/16 12:34 p.m. A man with questions about whether he could ride his moped while under house arrest asked to speak to police.

4/17/16 8:13 p.m. After apparently falling in love with a woman's cat, a deer refused to leave her yard.

4/22/16 6:30 p.m. A caller told police there was a swan sitting on Boones Ferry Road, but officers determined that it was just a McDonald's bag and removed it.

4/23/16 6:54 p.m. After a woman told some boys she was going to call the cops about them jumping off the dolphins at Oswego Pointe, the youths scattered in all directions.

4/30/16 9 a.m. Ducklings were returned to their mother after being rescued from a storm drain on Country Club Road.

MAY

5/1/16 8:03 p.m. A woman wearing very short shorts got out of a dark green station wagon on A Avenue.

5/5/16 9:19 a.m. A couple having sex in a truck parked at George Rogers Park were told to get a room.

5/6/16 8:21 p.m. A kid's birthday party went amuck when the father of the honoree refused to let the kids leave unless their parents paid $50. When police arrived, the father told them that the party had gotten out of hand and that he wanted the guests' parents to pay to clean up his house.

5/9/16 9:35 a.m. A couple suspected of having sex on Sixth Street turned out to just be conversing.

5/9/16 11:02 a.m. A birthday party on Majestic Court spiraled out of control after guests sprayed whipped cream all over the house.

5/12/16 1:01 a.m. Juveniles who were roasting potatoes over a bonfire on a beach near Marylhurst University were told to move along when they became too noisy.

5/16/16 6:19 p.m. A homeowner asked for extra police patrols after waking up to find a bunch of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka on his porch. Someone had also moved the outdoor furniture.

5/19/16 7:32 a.m. A balding man wearing a dark hoodie and cargo pants was seen hanging around the bus stop near Amberwood Circle and Westlake Drive. Turns out his name is John, and he told police he works nearby.

5/20/16 4:23 p.m. A caller dialed 911 to talk to an officer about the misuse of 911. He was warned about the misuse of 911.

5/25/16 5:51 a.m. A caller said a bike rider in black was going up and down Third Street. He was "sick of this," he told police, and wanted the biker to be arrested.

5/25/16 10:08 a.m. A woman described as dirty and heavyset tossed a lit cigarette onto the ground near the entrance to Haggen Food & Pharmacy on Boones Ferry Road and then stepped on it.

JUNE

6/1/16 3:11 p.m. A father allowed his 2-year-old son to romp around without clothes on. The child is potty training and using a kiddie pool, the father told police, and he believes nudity will facilitate success.

6/2/16 9:21 a.m. When a woman saw a man smoking in front of a convenience store, she told him he was forbidden to smoke next to the building. However, the employee in the convenience store did not seem to care.

6/2/16 1:55 p.m. A woman was hoping to use the wildflowers growing in a vacant lot for an upcoming wedding. However, her plans were ruined when somebody mowed the lot.

6/4/16 9:33 p.m. A person taking target practice with his paint gun accidentally shot a security officer.

6/7/16 9:29 a.m. A coyote pup got stuck in a soccer net behind Park Academy on South Shore Boulevard. Officer Tony Sparling was able to free the youngster.

6/16/16 11:36 a.m. Two males aroused suspicion by jogging naked on a trail near Bonita Road.

6/17/16 7:42 a.m. Someone left a shaving kit on the front steps of City Hall.

6/18/16 3:38 p.m. A man screaming for help after getting stuck in a crawlspace was rescued by firefighters and police officers.

6/26/16 9:01 p.m. A woman called in to report she was "pretty high" and needed someone to talk to. She says she feels weird but does not need medical attention.

6/29/16 12:26 p.m. A woman told police she plans to circulate a neighborhood petition about a family that talks loudly and makes other irritating noises deep into the night.

JULY

7/1/16 4:52 p.m. A screamer called a woman a Nazi and claimed that everyone hated her. Later, the woman found a note on her door with a picture of a chimp on it.

7/2/16 3:20 p.m. A neighbor refused to clean up the huge droppings left by his giant dog. When he was told that the behavior was illegal, he said he would get around to it next week.

7/7/16 1:12 p.m. A resident of Bonaire Avenue reported an ongoing issue with people coming into his yard to feed wild peacocks.

7/11/16 5:41 p.m. A dog bearing a strange resemblance to a pig was seen running wild on Ridgetop Court.

7/12/16 8:39 p.m. A resident was concerned that a girl in her late teens might be turning tricks because she kept coming back to the same store's parking lot at all hours. However, the girl told police that she is friends with the store owner and just likes to hang out there.

7/13/16 1:25 p.m. A phone line at a local hotel was hacked and used to make calls to Lithuania, the United Kingdom and elsewhere. The calls lasted 22-23 minutes before CenturyLink shut down the line. Hotel staff were advised to call the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.

7/25/16 4:04 p.m. After complaining to the police about a cat bothering her at night, a woman told police she started receiving harassing phone calls from the cat's owner.

7/25/16 6:41 p.m. An elderly man with his pants down walked into a jewelry store. Police advised him to keep his pants pulled up.

7/26/16 2:23 a.m. An obese woman became so intoxicated that she could not get up. Officers from both the police and fire departments arrived to provide her with lift assistance.

7/29/16 5:01 p.m. Somebody ratted on a group of teens who were planning to take a case of beer on a road trip. Two of them were released to their parents on the scene.

AUGUST

8/2/16 7:19 a.m. Someone blew up a toilet at East Waluga Park overnight.

8/2/16 12:20 p.m. Three cats were found in good health despite being trapped in a van.

8/4/16 12:21 a.m. A construction worker called to report that a man had just defecated in the back of a construction vehicle. The alleged pooper was lodged at Clackamas County Jail on suspicion of criminal mischief, offensive littering and disorderly conduct.

8/4/16 2:46 p.m. A large crow in a cage was making too much noise for at least one neighbor.

8/12/16 11:48 a.m. After a drone landed in a woman's yard, she asked police if she could keep it.

8/12/16 12:46 a.m. A woman reported overhearing a loud conversation that included weeping. It turned out to be a young man saying his goodbyes before leaving for college.

8/12/16 4:44 p.m. A 12-year-old boy described as "overweight" came in and took $50 off the counter of a woman's apparel store.

8/13/16 6:22 p.m. A man dressed as a Viking was reportedly hitting a Toyota with a shovel. He was taken to a local hospital for evaluation.

8/21/16 2:49 p.m. A park volunteer stumbled upon a well-hidden safe with keypad and a metal toolbox.

8/25/16 12:14 a.m. An argument between neighbors reportedly became so loud that the building shook from the force of their words. The topic? Politics, they told police.

SEPTEMBER

9/5/16 1:37 a.m. A homeowner was mystified by a dog bowl that was thrown at his door.

9/5/16 11:06 p.m. A woman sought police help in getting a bat out of her house on Upper Drive.

9/6/16 3:52 p.m. A dad asked police to educate his son about how to be a good person.

9/6/16 4:02 p.m. A young man with spiky blonde hair appeared to be casing houses as he rode past them on his skateboard. He was described as resembling a beatnik.

9/12/16 6:04 p.m. A man was chastised for shooting squirrels in his backyard.

9/13/16 6:33 p.m. A man was reportedly letting his dogs loose at West Waluga Park and throwing balls for them to chase.

9/13/16 9:56 p.m. A man thought to be yelling at himself at a bus stop was actually just trying to sing.

9/14/16 5:30 p.m. A man and woman tried to make off with a bird statue on Foothills Drive. When a passerby loudly objected, they jumped in a car and raced away.

9/20/16 5:55 p.m. Two chickens, possibly on the verge of crossing a street, were given to an investigating officer.

OCTOBER

10/1/16 12:44 a.m. A man wearing a black bandana over his face and riding a three-wheeled bike aroused suspicion as he pedaled toward the farmers market in Millennium Plaza Park.

10/1/16 4:30 p.m. An unattended crockpot was spotted sitting outside the Starbucks on Monroe Parkway for a couple of hours. Police determined that it was simply garbage and disposed of the offending appliance.

10/4/16 3:01 p.m. Toxic gas was passed in a woman's home, nearly knocking her out.

10/5/16 1:29 a.m. A woman was spooked by an odd noise in her apartment, but police discovered that it was just her dog's malfunctioning water fountain.

10/11/16 11:34 a.m. A sibling was concerned that his brother's scruffy-looking appearance would result in calls to police when he takes the family dog for walks.

10/13/16 9:53 a.m. A speeding driver ran over a sign that said "Slow Down for Children."

10/13/16 9:09 p.m. Someone dressed as a clown — with red hair, red nose, a purple outfit and holding an unidentified object — aroused fear in passersby.

10/21/16 5:50 a.m. Strange mushrooms were discovered in Foothills Park. They were removed.

10/30/16 12:04 p.m. Customers at a local eatery were screaming and cursing about the scrambled eggs they had been served. No word on whether they were also upset by the bacon.

10/30/16 5:12 p.m. The driver speeding erratically through the Marylhurst campus was not drunk, police discovered. He just wasn't a very good driver.

10/27/16 2:22 p.m. A man told police he had found the car that he had previously reported as stolen. Turns out he had just forgotten where he had parked it.

10/27/16 10:16 p.m. Passersby reported seeing a BMW being driven around and around in circles on Jefferson Parkway. When police stopped the car, they found that the driver and a friend were simply listening to a new album at high volume.

10/31/16 6:48 p.m. Police confronted a group of eight juveniles near the Bryant Woods pool after reports that they had smashed a pumpkin earlier in the day and "looked like they were going to cause trouble."

NOVEMBER

11/7/16 8 a.m. A woman asked to speak with an officer about ongoing issues with people who are sending microwaves to disrupt her reality.

11/8/16 7:14 a.m. Neighbors were concerned that torn-up turf meant someone had driven a car through Freepons Park. Turns out it was just the result of a City employee trying to mow a particularly soggy patch of ground.

11/8/16 3:13 p.m. A 13-year-old girl called police to say that her 11-year-old sister was hitting her with shoes. An officer responded. The girls' parents were notified.

11/10/16 9:13 a.m. A neighbor has eight days to remove the offensive sign he created with duct tape on his garage.11/10/16 12:33 p.m. A perplexed landlord wasn't sure what to do after evicted tenants left their hamsters inside an apartment.

11/11/16 6:38 a.m. Someone spray-painted a black Chevy Tahoe and a black Ford pickup with unflattering comments about Donald Trump.

11/17/16 8:24 a.m. A trash bag filled with empty commercial packaging for "Captain Saliva" prompted a call to police from a woman who mistakenly thought she had stumbled across drug paraphernalia.

DECEMBER

12/12/16 8:29 a.m. A woman who said she and two others planned to stage a protest asked police about the rules surrounding such gatherings and whether it's legal to wear masks. She did not say what she planned to protest or when.

12/15/16 9:45 p.m. A homeowner claimed youngsters threw a boulder at his window, but police determined that the projectile was just a snowball.

12/16/16 11:48 a.m. A woman told police that the box of candy she received from a co-worker contained packages of Finish dish soap wrapped up as candy bars.

12/16/16 10:54 p.m. Neighbors on Haven Street and Lake Haven Drive said the young sledders outside were being too noisy.

12/20/16 11:40 p.m. When a women thought someone was lurking outside her front door, she looked through the peephole and saw a blue eye looking back at her. Police responded to the scene, only to discover that what the woman actually saw was a wreath that was blocking the peephole. The offending shrubbery was removed.

12/21/16 noon A man brought a plastic grocery bag full of $1 bills to City Hall to pay a traffic citation and advised the court employee to wear gloves while counting the cash.