October 2016

Relationship breakdown!

Where to start

Eeeeek Relationship breakdown! Affairs of the heart. Wow not quite sure where to start or indeed how much to share. But alas I have just been through the most horrendous 4 months in my personal life.

I’m guessing a lot of you have realised. It came out of nowhere and I mean nowhere.

At the time I did actually start to wonder if I was losing my mind or if ‘him upstairs’ was just having a laugh with me. So I want to write about it a little. Not, of course sharing all the details, but more about how one can change even in the most horrendous situations.

Shocking?

So it’s not that shocking news when a relationship breaks down, it happens all the time, right?

In fact it happens way too often I have realised. When you are bumbling along in your 20 year relationship and you sort of have the next 20 years (hopefully) mapped out, loosely, at least.

Well my friends let me tell you – it’s not that simple or that straightforward…. You never know what is around that next corner or how life can change in a moment.

I have said this before to myself but I have to say it again – WE MUST never EVER take anything or anyone for granted…… it is just not promised….

Oh affairs of the heart! hey never easy ……

I had been with my best friend (still is if truth be know) my soul mate and my partner for a very long time. We had had our ups and downs – as most couples do.

We had been through really rubbish times with losses and just difficult life stuff – but we always managed to pull together. In fact, if anything, we were really strong in any form of crisis. And we had shared some of the BEST times.

Relationship Breakdown – Boom

Then booooooom it stops. (no details here I’m afraid) let’s just suffice to say that a person changed (or did their mask slip?) Or did they just decide they wanted something else?

Anyway maybe I’ll never really know. I actually think it was a change, maybe a realisation that ‘this was it?’ It happens I guess. Was there something better? Who knows.

BUT I died a little inside right there. How could this person who I had known for so many many years be so different. How can a caring, generous person be almost unrecognisable from himself or the person I thought he was?

Or was I wrong? Or was it me? MAYBE….

What it did to me was TOTALLY ‘catapult’ me into the most uncertain of situations and the most uncomfortable of situations – it, if i’m totally honest floored me WHAM!

How can things change just like that on a sixpence? Life is strange.

Can you stop loving someone by flicking a switch? I certainly can’t.

First Stages

For the first 3 months I literally just existed – I worked hard (so maybe I did have some strength) and just marched through each day – easypeasylemonsqueezy went on the back burner.

I can’t even say that I ate or slept that much in those 3 months (hence my weight dropped).

But from somewhere inside I managed, just to hold it together.

Something inside was strong, but at times it didn’t feel that way. Relationship breakdown! Affairs of the heart and it would seem the body suffers too…..

Reality – when. a relationship breaks down

Very quickly I learnt who were my friends – the support I have had from my close circle has been somewhat incredible.

I have one particular person in my life who amazed me and was there with me every step of the way – she knows who she is and I will be FOREVER in her debt, I’m not even sure if she knows just how much she helped me!

I tried hard to hold it together in front of my lovely family, I tried not to worry them. I’m not entirely sure I succeeded… but I tried at least.

The last thing I want to do is worry anyone – but my word it’s so hard to act normally when underneath you are falling to pieces.

Then as month 4 rocked around, I decided I needed to do something, or else I was going to be in a really bad way. So one Monday morning I just woke up and thought – this has to stop. I was in a downward spiral.

I had done nothing wrong, I had simply been myself.

Things had just changed – maybe no ones fault. I thought, I cannot fold and I cannot give in.

Amazing

It is quite amazing what power the brain can have over such situations – if one can get strong enough to think clearly, then our best friend is indeed our mind. Our mind can persuade us that anything is ok!

We just need to get to that point first! It’s hard when something happens and you reach for the phone then suddenly realise that that person is no longer interested. You just have to stop, as hard as it is.

Focus

So I focussed heavily on trying to look after myself.

I tried to stop panicking (and let me tell you panic truely destroys you)

I tried (as cliche as it is) to just focus on the next 24 hours (whilst trying to stop myself looking backwards and forwards simultaneously – that ‘OMG Christmas / New Year etc. was banished – still is).

Focus on my new house became very important (oh yes did I forget to tell you – the day I left was also the day I moved into my dream house – only I was alone)

So now after the relationship breakdown

And slowly life has returned albeit in a totally different format. I have met a few new people who have really helped me with my confidence. I am fragile (but strong – if that makes sense) and I feel like my heart is still stuck together with sellotape.

BUT I manage each day and I have started to laugh and smile a lot which feels good! As time goes by I guess life will be exciting again. We need to remember to be REAL (as someone has told me recently – and thank you (Dr) – you know who you are).

Things are not perfect this we need to remember too and sometimes far from it! We need to remember that the future can be very exciting and maybe the best is yet to come.

I have at least a flickering of excitement as to where I will go and who I will meet.

It’s nice lets be honest to have attention again….. And it’s nice to be able to sleep again.

When things change, we have to change and that has already started to happen for me. I’m not at all bitter and I truly believe if someone wants something else then they should just do it, but in the right way

Be Kind

I have also been thinking a lot lately about how important it is to be nice , and I mean really nice. We need to be kind and thoughtful, we need to be honest. We clearly need to LOVE ourselves – before anyone can love us again!

So to all you guys out there whatever your situation, know it will be ok – it might be tough going – but it will and has to be ok……

Affairs of the heart relationship breakdown you can recover.

Here’s to a happy fun filled future! Amen

Big love you lovely people

Cx

(and if you know anyone that this might help please don’t be afraid to hit the SHARE button)

(Oh and while you’re here have a look around – lovely recipes and cocktails and I even get down to my pants in one post! and Subscribe to one email a month – why not?)

I have many more relationship breakdown update posts about how I’ve been moving through the process, maybe check them out?

Moving Forward living your best life

It’s a year since my world fell apart

Still adjusting post relationship breakdown

Do We get what we Deserve? Do We?

Is it ok not to be ok?