Ever wonder what those nights dots are? Or what the big day circle is? Well the answer might shock you, they're both STARZ! That's right, those night dots are just day circles that are so far away they look like dots, and night time, that's just when the day circle hides behind the world. By the way the day circle, that's got a name, it's The Sun, and the world, that's got a name too, it's The Earth. "But Sam!" You say "What even are stars? And why is the sun so close when all the others are so far away? And what about The Big Night Dot? Is that a star? And why doesn't it light up the sky? You're just talking shit I reckon"

Well first off, stop asking so many questions cunt, you'll hurt yourself. Second The Big Night Dot, that's got a fucking name, and it's The Moon, and it's not a star, it's just a shitty rock that hangs out near Earth, and rocks don't light up shit. One time some dropkick said The Moon was made of cheese, so the American's went to check it out. Turns out it was just a piece of shit rock. Dumb fucking yanks.

THIRD, stars just are just balls of gas and dust and shit. And these bits of gas, and dust, and shit, they're so close together that they're like, fuck it lets just join up and be one bigger bit of gas/dust, like when you marry your cousin because she's the only girl you've ever met. And that bigger bit of gas/dust, it weighs less than the two smaller bits that made it, so according to Alan Einstein that extra weight becomes energy, and we see that energy as light. Fun fact, people used to think the sun was just a big ball of fire, but then old mate Alan came along and was like "Lol where would you get that much wood from, ya dumb fucks" Bloody Europeans.

IV, stars are selfish pieces of shit and want all the gas and dust they can get. And so they suck up all the gas and dust they can reach, and because they're so big, they can reach a really long way, so the stars end up being really far apart. Earth, and all the other shitty planets (Btw there's other planets that I forgot to mention) are just the left-over bits the sun never finished sucking up, because it's a lazy fucker. Side note, ancient cunts used to think the sun and other planets went around the Earth, turns out it's the other way around. Useless ancient fucks.