Filling Out Your Harrison Ford Aircraft Incident Report

Location

Harrison Ford has been known to drop out of the sky in a variety of different aircraft (single engine plane, helicopter, open-cockpit WWII fighter) in a variety of different locations (wrong runway, dry river bed, golf course). Where were you when he nearly took your head off? (If location matches that of your previous Harrison Ford Aircraft Incident Report, you may leave this section blank.)

Type of Aircraft

List the tail number, make and model of the aircraft Harrison Ford was utterly unsuccessful in keeping airborne. If visibility and proximity allowed, describe the pilot’s demeanor — e.g., did he give off an air of roguish confidence, as when at the controls of the Millennium Falcon, or one of amusing incompetence, as when flying a plane as Indiana Jones.

Timeline

In chronological order, describe each significant event prior to Harrison Ford nearly decapitating you. If by chance you happened to be traveling to or from a movie theater, or discussing Star Wars, or even just experiencing a fleeting thought about Harrison Ford, please turn this section into a delightfully ironic anecdote.

Miscellaneous

Describe Harrison Ford’s attitude when being extracted from the craft by emergency personnel. Was he grumpy and unresponsive as in his talk show appearances, or grumpy and unresponsive as in his non-talk show appearances?

Did the aforementioned grumpiness dissuade you from attempting to personally rescue Harrison Ford from his downed aircraft, or did you have more of a problem with a man his age sporting an earring? Either response is acceptable.

In your opinion, were environmental factors such that Harrison Ford was more or less likely to dive-bomb your skull than some other prominent actor/celebrity? Explain.

If you were in the company of friends or family when Harrison Ford plummeted from the heavens, please indicate who was the first to utter, “Holy shit, was that Han Solo?!”

If you were playing a round of golf, did you remember that the USGA has implemented a rule change allowing any player — amateur or professional — to move his/her ball two club-lengths to either side, but no closer to the hole, when any Harrison Ford-piloted aircraft belly flops onto a fairway or green?

Has this latest incident in any way affected the likelihood of you going to see Harrison Ford’s next movie? Explain. Also, explain the type of movies you enjoy. Finally, explain Harrison Ford, because we’d really like to know.

Findings and Recommendations

History suggests that no changes in weather, terrain, obstacles or any other contributing factors would have prevented Harrison Ford from suddenly and inexplicably plunging into your immediate vicinity. Or from it happening again. Psychologically, this can be extremely damaging to one’s innate sense of well-being. It is therefore recommended that you — that each of us — try not to dwell on the fact that Harrison Ford could be somewhere up there this very moment.