Having the Conversation

The hour before going into my managing director’s office was a roller-coaster of emotions. My heart was racing, I was sweating, and I wasn't confident at all that I would have the courage to go through with it. So I stepped out of the office, trekked to a coffee shop, and returned 30 minutes later feeling no better (although admittedly more awake). Another 10 minutes of sitting at my desk along with an internal pep talk yielded a momentary burst of courage, which quickly died as I got to my MD’s floor. What am I doing? I started questioning whether I had to do it today. Maybe another coffee will help. I stepped into the kitchen, but then decided against additional stimulant.

Once in the kitchen, I started pacing back and forth mulling my decision and summoning my courage.

Slowly. Very Slowly.

Another 10 minutes go by, and I knew my window was closing having looked at his calendar in advance. You need to do this today.

A lot of thoughts flew through my head during this time. I thought about how easy these moments seem on television or when other people talk about them. How you never imagine that it would be you in that situation. But mostly, I thought about how life is determined by these hard decisions, and that courage isn't about not feeling fear, but rather pressing on in spite of fear.

So I walked in and said “Hey, do you have a minute?”