Before you become a parent, you have a list of things that you’d never be caught dead doing. You might say “my mother did this, and I don’t think it worked so I would NEVER do that”. Or you might see a new trend in the parenting world and think it’s bogus and vow to not join the bandwagon. You have your parenting philosophy written out in stone and are confident that you have the right recipe for “the perfect upbringing”. And then that baby is born and all of your rules go out the window. At least that’s how it was for me. Below, a look at my list of “I swore I would nevers” and how I’ve been forced to reconsider. Please feel free to add yours to this list in the comment section.

I swore I would never … give my baby a pacifier until breastfeeding had been established. Sure I brought a pacifier to the hospital “just in case”, but I instructed the hospital staff not to give Baby a pacifier in the nursery and I followed that instruction as well. However, when it came time to leave, Baby wouldn’t stop wailing. The only way to keep her calm for the 45-minute drive home was to pop that binky in her mouth and hope for the best. So that rule went down the drain real quick.

I swore I would never … use formula. Breast is best and formula was expensive. I knew that the decision might be out of my hands and that I might have been physically incapable of producing milk, but breastfeeding was an option, I wanted to exclusively breastfeed (or at least pump). Then Baby started losing lots of weight and becoming even more jaundiced than she was originally. At that point, I realized a healthy baby was better than a breastfed baby and I turned to formula. Since then, formula has really made motherhood bearable for me. It’s allowed me to have some type of life outside of parenthood.

I swore I would never … fill up my Facebook feed with posts about Baby. I’m kind of walking a fine line here. I know that my childless friends aren’t really interested in 400 slightly different photos of Baby smiling, so I try to limit how many times I post photos and cute stories. However, being on the opposite side of the country from the majority of our friends and family it has become increasingly desirable to use Facebook to keep said friends and family involved in Baby’s growth and development. I try to intersperse such posts with adult stuff, like politics and movies, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve been unfollowed by some of my non-parent friends.

I swore I would never … bedshare past one month. Okay, I really didn’t establish an end date, but I never thought I’d still be sharing my bed with my six-month older daughter. I’ve tried to get her to sleep in her crib, believe me I have. But then she starts to cry and my heart hurts for her so I bring her back into my bed. I guess I’m just hoping she’ll decide on her own that her crib is much better than mine, and that that realization will occur sometime in the next four weeks. Yeah, when pigs fly, right?

I swore I would never … let Baby sit around in a wet diaper. At first, I was really good about this. As soon as that line turned from yellow to blue, I raced to Baby’s room to change the diaper. I said “I wouldn’t like sitting in my own urine, so why would I subject her to it?” Then after months of changing a diaper only to have her pee in the new one while she was still on the changing table, I started rethinking my principles. I mean, this girl pees every 10-20 minutes! I had half a mine to just do away with diapers all together and just let her roam around commando. Nowadays, I try to wait for the second pee before changing her. My wallet thanks me.

I swore I would never … encourage thumb sucking. I haven’t sucked my thumb since before I can remember. It’s what I think of as a disgusting habit. In school, I’d see people put their thumb in their mouth and then touch other things that other people would have to touch. (The same goes for licking paper in order to separate it. You know I have to touch that sheet, why on earth would you lick it before handing it to me?!?!). Baby only managed once to stick her thumb in her mouth to suck on it, but it was not a repeat occurrence. Despite my feelings on the topic, I find myself wishing she’d suck her thumb to self sooth rather than rely on a pacifier. This is especially true at 2:00 am when Baby’s screaming at the top of her lungs and I’m tossing all the sheets on the ground looking for her pacifier only to realize she’s somehow managed to do a Serena Williams tennis serve and has thrown it all the way across the room.

I swore I would never … kiss my baby on the lips. In the olden days when I’d see moms doing this to their children, I got the shivers. It seemed a bit… incestuous. I don’t know. Mouths are for romantic kissing. And eating food. But Baby’s so adorable and how can I NOT kiss her. I kiss her on the head. I kiss her on the forehead. I kiss her on the neck. And I kiss her on the mouth. It’s just another way that I show my adoration to my daughter. So I sheepishly recant all my previous judgement for the aforementioned mothers.

I swore I would never … be a stay at home mom. Before I even started trying to get pregnant, it was important that I retain my own sense of self after I had a child. I didn’t want to be defined as a mother first. I wanted to progress in my chosen career track and also be a mother. I didn’t want to blame my child for lost opportunities (I know, I’m horrible a person); so I knew that after I had a child I would continue working and doing most of the things I had done before I had a child. Then I had Baby. And I don’t want to be away from her longer than I have to. I want to be with her every moment of every day. I want to be there when she takes her first steps and says her first words. I want to be there to feed her those first solid foods. The last thing I want is to be away from her for 8-10 hours a day with someone else doing those things. Making the decision to stay home with Baby was 50% luck and 50% necessity (daycare was out of our budget), but I’m happy it worked out the way it did. I will eventually have to go back to work, but for now, it’s looking like stay at home mom is my job title until Baby is a year old.

It’s funny how your outlook changes once you have a child. You do what you can just to get through the day. I still have a list of “I would nevers” including child leashes, public temper tantrums, and excessive fast food consumption. We’ll see how well I stick to those in the coming years.