(Permanent Musical Accompaniment To This Post)

Being our semi-regular weekly survey of what's goin' down in the several states where, as you know, the real work of governmentin' gets done, and where the sun's not yellow, it's chicken.

We begin this week a day late in sunny California, where the spirits run free and, occasionally, so do preventable diseases.

The elementary school did reopen Wednesday, but only for children who were up-to-date on their vaccinations. Unfortunately, 55 percent of the student body was ineligible to attend school the next day, because, according to school records, 124 students (out of 225 present the day before) lacked the proper vaccination against measles. Last year, school records reported that only 43 percent of the student body was properly vaccinated, leading the California Department of Public Health to classify the school as "most vulnerable" to an outbreak. Since not every child is medically able to be vaccinated, it is important for the public to achieve herd immunity, which has been shown to be effective at preventing the spread of disease. However, herd immunity is only effective when 95 percent of a population is vaccinated. As the numbers above indicate, Yuba River Charter School was far from reaching this threshold, which might have prevented the risk of an outbreak.

You may have heard that Robert De Niro—possibly the greatest actor of his generation—got himself in a little jam because he allowed an anti-vaccination film into the Tribeca Film Festival. That was not a big deal. (Except, Jesus Christ, De Niro, come back to earth.) This is a big deal. This is another demonstration that we're all in this together, immunologically and every other way. This is 55 percent of the student body in a single school playing Russian roulette with other people's kids. It was also a charter school, which we all know are the places where miracles happen, so this is about privatizing the commons, too.

Let's move along to Arkansas, where there was some agitation in the state legislature over a proposal to drug-test the people on public assistance. It originally was supposed to be a pilot program. But it's pretty much airborne now.

But the language is being used to implement drug testing in a matter of days. That means any Arkansas resident who applies for or renews Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) benefits will have to answer questions about possible illegal drug use, and if there is reasonable suspicion of use, the applicant will have to take a drug test. Anyone who refuses will lose benefits for six months, while someone who tests positive will be referred to a treatment program, although the new testing regimen won't pay for that treatment. If that person fails to complete a program or tests positive afterward, he'll lose benefits for six months. Other lawmakers were taken aback by the governor's move. "I think the governor's choosing to not follow the intent of the legislation," House Minority Leader Michael John Gray (D) told Arkansas Online. "The intent was to have a pilot program, to see the efficiency and effectiveness of the program and not spend money statewide."

This is the kind of thing that happens when you're poor. Tell me again about the anger of middle-class white people, who do not have to piss in a cup when they get a car loan.

Before we make our next stop, let us have an invocation from Brother Maynard.

Our second reading is from the Gospel of John, Chapter 18, Verse 11:

Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?

The subject of today's homily is…oh, hell, it's Mississippi.

The bill would allow churches to create security programs and designate and train members to carry concealed weapons. It would provide criminal and legal protections to those serving as church security. The bill also would allow concealed carry in a holster without a permit in Mississippi, expanding a measure passed last year that allowed concealed carry without a permit in a purse, satchel or briefcase, and another recent law that allows open carry in public.

Thus does the Church Militant become the Church Militia. I have to say this will certainly liven up the annual bake sale.

The bill also seeks to prohibit Mississippi officials from enforcing any federal agency regulations or executive orders that would violate the state constitution—an attempt to federal gun restrictions not passed by Congress.

Folks, Santa Claus is a myth. The Supremacy Clause is very real and y'all lost this argument twice before—once at Appomattox and the next time in 1962, when James Meredith stepped onto the campus of Ole Miss.

"Where did you go to law school?" Sen. Hob Bryan, D-Amory, asked Tindell during the debate. "Are they telling people there that the Mississippi constitution trumps federal law? ... You may have been wrong about things before, but you've never been more wrong than this. This is like arguing whether the freezing point of water is 32 degrees Fahrenheit. This is embarrassing, hopeless."

Give 'em hell, Hob. I love state legislators named Hob. We don't have anywhere near enough of them.

As long as we're in the neighborhood, let's pop over to Baton Rouge and see what's up in the Louisiana state house. There seems to be bipartisanship breaking out. This is Ron Fournier's kind of place! No, wait…

"Scientific research and developments and advances in the last 100 years—particularly the last 15, 20, 10 years—have validated the biblical story of creation," the freshman state senator said. Milkovich, who is the vice chairman of the Senate Education Committee, said archeologists and scientists have verified the origin story of the Christian Bible. He said archeologists had found the remnants of Noah's ark recently. A study of rocks had verified that the earth was created in a week, Milkovich said.

Did I mention that Milkovich, who is horning in here on the territory of The Most Awesome Man On Television, is a Democratic politician? Just like Tip and Ronnie did it! I should also point out that the debate was over whether or not to take off the books a law that the U.S. Supreme Court tossed 29 freaking years ago.

Milkovich, Sen. Beth Mizell, R-Franklinton, Sen. Mike Walsworth, R-West Monroe; and Sen. Mack "Bodi" White, R-Baton Rouge, voted to keep the law on the books. Sen. Conrad Appel, R-Metairie, and Sen. Gerald Boudreaux, D-Lafayette, voted to repeal it. But of those who favored keeping the law on the books, Milkovich was by far the most vocal. He said a reluctance to teach creationism in schools amounted to being against academic freedom. "If it states at the outset, you can believe whatever you want about science or education or how we came to be—except if you believe God had anything to do with creation, we are just wiping that off the table," Milkovich said. Milkovich then returned to the subject of creationism later in the Senate Education meeting, when a bill about anonymously surveying teens about their sex lives came up. Milkovich said risk teen sex behavior could be avoided if God was talked about more in public schools.

More God in schools and more guns in Church! Just like Jesus H. Washington wanted it.

And we conclude, as is our custom, in the great state of Oklahoma where hiatus-afflicted conch inspector Friedman of the Plains brings us another tale of the glories of the global economy, and yet more evidence that the average American corporation has the soul of a genital wart.

As a result, the current presence of Williams in Tulsa and Oklahoma City "will need to be significantly reduced, particularly with respect to the finance, accounting, engineering and construction, legal, human resources and information technology functions, or potentially eliminated." The news about the planned dramatic reduction in Oklahoma operations differs dramatically from the message about local employment that was dispersed when the deal between the two energy companies was first announced. Originally ETE had promised to keep "a meaningful presence" in Tulsa. Williams employs 1,000 people in Tulsa and a few hundred in Oklahoma City. Williams' has a total workforce of around 6,700 employees in North America. Earlier this month Williams announced that it would be laying off around 10 percent of staff due to commodity prices. The company said those layoffs had nothing to do with the proposed merger with Energy Transfer Equity.

Naturally, the local pols and the rubes in the business community are bumfuzzled by this development.

Mayor Dewey Bartlett and Tulsa Regional Chamber President Mike Neal also issued statements Wednesday evening. The officials voiced their support for Williams remaining in Tulsa, where the company has thrived and helped the community thrive for a century. "I am stunned by this news of how ETE intends to effectively decimate the presence of Williams Partners LP in the city and region of Tulsa. The filing today with the SEC was completely contrary to ETE's original statements that the company, its name, and a meaningful ongoing existence would continue in Tulsa," Bartlett said in his statement. "Williams is a rock of this community—a cornerstone. Its 100-year existence in Tulsa has weathered enormously difficult and explosively successful times in this city. Without its presence, our downtown would not be achieving such a renaissance for our community. The SEC filing today flies in the face of ETE's expressed intentions and is the equivalent to cracking this rock into small pieces of gravel. "If this merger continues to move forward on the premise reported today, I am urging the public to make it known to those at Williams and ETE that the city of Tulsa is not taking this news lightly. We support the incredible talent of the hard working employees of Williams and we'll do everything we can to change the tenor of ETE's new position. Shoulder to shoulder and arm in arm, this community will not accept the dismantling of this fine company that has always stood responsibly with its hometown. Williams is a world leader in the energy industry by harnessing talent and experience here in Tulsa. The best future for Williams and its employees is to remain rooted right here."

The laughter in the boardroom must have been deafening. Here's a tip, boys. If you look around City Hall, and you can't figure out who the sucker is…well, you know.

This is your democracy, America. Cherish it.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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