It was the Super Bowl, that wasn’t.

I don't mean the game. Which was boring.

I mean this.

GUTFELD ON THE PLASTIC STRAW INSPECTOR

What is this you ask?

It's totally OK if you don't know. Most people have never seen something so ghoulish

It's Dana Perino's attempt at queso.

"I made queso." she wrote, like it was a signed confession to a serial killing.

"I made queso." Yes, you did. You made queso look like a melted golden retriever.

I think we can agree, this is not something you would put inside you.

No -- it's something that would fly out of you, after drinking the water at a Tijuana hostel.

I don't think I've ever seen anything more inedible in my life. And I include prison food.

Seriously, no one on death row would touch this. They'd take the chair instead.

The picture went viral. Of course, it would.

It looks infectious.

So, how is this homemade?

It looks like the leftovers from all the oil changes at Jiffy Lube.

It looks like a foot spa you might buy at the Chernobyl gift shop.

It's the bronzer run-off from a bikini contest

It's a fondue pot from Three Mile Island.

I hear ISIS is taking credit for it.

Yes, Dana Perino made queso. It's not her forte.

Queso from Perino.

It's like Abba doing gangster rap.

A Care Bear doing a lap dance.

Of course, Dana took a picture of this bucket of hideous bubbling doom, and tweeted it, which is basically making your own "kick me" sign and taping it to your back. It's gonna live forever.

Yep, she made that unholy stew -- then forced it on her horrified friends.

I can say, this is one of those occasions when you're relieved you weren't invited.

But you know who's really grateful for Dana's queso?

Yep -- Maroon 5's Adam Levine-- who is usually the cheesiest thing on earth!

Not last night. Dana looked at that tattooed, cringe-crooning cheese stick of a dork, and said, "hold my spatula."

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Adam should buy her dinner for taking the spotlight off his awful performance.

Just don't let her cook.

Adapted from Greg Gutfeld's monologue on "The Five" on February 4, 2019.