Her time as Malachite tragically may have been the happiest Jasper’s ever been, even despite being used as Lapis’s scapegoat.

Canonically, Jasper hates herself. She believes that people get what they deserve and if she suffers, it’s because she happens to deserve to suffer. Lapis is quite the opposite. She has always believed in her own worth, and has always desired to have others understand that worth.

The Sardonyx arc showed that gems inside a fusion can, to a certain extent, feel each other’s emotions. So when Jasper fuses with Lapis, she feels Lapis’s sense of self-worth, of not deserving to suffer and be miserable. She feels like she’s worth something.

And then they defuse, and Jasper is thrown back into herself, into the self-hatred and loathing. She wants that feeling she had with Lapis back, and so searches for Lapis so they can make Malachite again. It’s not a coincidence that the aspect of Malachite Jasper enjoyed most was flight. Flight is something Lapis does. To Lapis, flying represents freedom and happiness. So to Jasper, it comes to represent those things as well.

Even trapped inside a fusion. Because it’s way better than just being Jasper.