Regular readers of Gaia’s divine word may have noticed that my safe space had taken a lengthy hiatus. While lying man-animal fucktrucks may attribute this to my needing a break from the constant war against the patriarchy on Tumblr, the truth is far more insidious my Amazons: For the last couple weeks I’ve been the hostage of the patriarchy in a tiny cubical prison!!1!1 The whole affair began when I foolishly left my mobile safe space in my Prius while out purchasing batteries for my standard issue political lesbian vibrator. I was struck by the sudden urge to evacuate my bowels (it’s possible my quinoa was poisoned by carnist infiltrators), and rushed from my Prius to a port-a-womyn’s-excrement-producing-safe-stall. From when I entered, I knew that there was man-animal fuckery afoot: My beautiful fat and phantom fat became wedged in the tiny space, leaving me unable to move and trapped. I took some solace from the fact that my beautiful fat and phantom fat were preventing any man-animals from breaking in and raping me, BUT THAT FUCKING FAT-SHAMING SHIT ROOM STILL HAD ME FUCKING TRAPPED!!1!! I WAS IN THERE FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS!!1!1 ONLY AFTER I DEPLETED 15 POUNDS OF MY PRECIOUS FAT AND GAIA KNOWS HOW MUCH PHANTOM FAT WAS I ABLE TO WIGGLE OUT THE FUCKING DOOR!!!1 ON TOP OF ALL THIS SHIT, THE FUCKING RAPIST POLICE OF THE FASCIST STATES OF AMERIKKKA TOWED MY FUCKING PRIUS!!1!! I’m sure this trap was deliberately planted by the patriarchy to interfere with my activism, so I must warn my Amazonian sisters: BEWARE! BEWARE THE FUCKING FAT SHAMING SO-CALLED “PORT-A-POTTYS!!!!11!!