I would say that Vampires, if they were real, would convert all the nourishment that they take in to energy and do not have the need to do something like urinate. I get this from the myth that vampires take on life like qualities of losing their pale skin tone and death like appearance after feeding.

Since a vampire can not turn food in to waste, it would be incapable of eating as we understand it.

As for vampires and reproduction. I would say that a male vampire would be incapable of the sexual act, little on reproduction, (Though folklore does have many stories of Dhampir half human and half vampires, so someone historically thought they could reproduce). It is a great irony that we attribute such a sexy image on a creature that would basically be eunuch.

Now on the and such category. If they are dead being they would not secrete the oils that are recovered as latent fingerprints, making vampires excellent thieves.