In fundamental ways, dating is same at any age. Falling in love is enjoyable. Breaking up after a relationship is painful. Recovery from the hurt of a relationship often takes longer than one anticipates. Resilience prevails through the excitement of meeting someone new and through the realization that dating itself has value. In other important ways, dating is different later in life.

In particular, there is an increased resistance to changing oneself, a belief that time for active dating may be running out, and the clear knowledge that dating is not meant to start a family. How these differences are framed can strongly influence one’s perspective about dating and breaking up, and dating again.





Middle age does not mean increased urgency after a breakup. It is important to keep in mind that other, similar-aged people are also looking for romance.

Growing older actually means increased experience with relationships of many kinds. Lot of women are dating after divorce or death of a spouse. Most have been in the workforce for at least 2 decades. The complexities of maintaining personal and professional relationships for many years create memories that people can draw on to get through a breakup as sources of strength and wisdom.

These love feelings, when they come down on you, can be extraordinarily burdensome. This becomes even more so if you’ve complicated your midlife years by having an affair.

There is a way out, though. By looking inward, discovering your true life goals, and striving towards them, it’s possible to cope and overcome these emotional struggles of the midlife crisis.





Lessons carried into mid-life relationships:

This lifetime is not infinite; a search for the new, instrumental or exciting is not as emotionally rewarding as spending time with people who bring you joy, comfort, a sense of close connection, or meaning. Illness and mortality put the present in perspective.



Believe in the universe and its power. Let yourself have some faith that everything will be okay in the end.



What may have been attractive to you when you were younger often requires revision as your values and goals have changed. Be sure to examine assumptions, especially about what is important in a close and/or romantic relationship, and in a person you want in your life in a meaningful way at this point in your journeys.





Identify what in your life has triggered your midlife crisis. Is it a marriage that’s become too routine? Is it a dead-end job you’re tired of? Is it a predictable life that goes the same way every single day with no excitement? Once you know which part of your life is causing this so-called crisis, you can work to change it.





Your visions of the future need to be imagined and, at the same time, they need to be considered only possibilities. Old dreams may require updating. You need to be flexible as your life unfolds; all the events you do not control are likely to change what you think is within your power.



Sometimes the burden of a relationship becomes overwhelming and what people want and need from each other cannot be revised or honored. The relationship ends; loss occurs. A new romantic relationship might feel scary, bringing threats of more loss or a rekindled fear of overwhelming burdens that come with aging.



Relearn the power of trust. If you let the flow of life take over and you understand that you’ll always have a solid foundation in which to land on, you can surpass feelings of discernment and skepticism.





What one wants and needs from a close relationship can change. Agreements may need to be revisited. People will fade away as growth in different directions takes them down different paths and brings different interpersonal needs. New relationships can appear in your life, supporting new chapters. Hidden parts of the self may demand recognition and romance that can sustain them.



Understand that it’s okay and even preferable to have dreams. You as human beings shouldn’t ever stop dreaming, even if our lives are already established and laid out before us. You can have achieved most of your life goals, like getting married, owning a house having kids, and having a stable job and yet still want more out of life. Let your dreams go wild!





Moments that are meaningful become distinguished from those that are pleasurable or distracting or necessary. As reliably as a performance of the New York City Ballet can put a smile on my face or an intense bridge game can take my mind off worry about an adult child who has traveled off my radar, meaningful moments come in three varieties: sharing discovery with another person; learning something new about myself, my world, myself in the world; or being able to improve the quality of someone else's life. The first permits and then leads to acts that can nurture love of another; the second can deepen love for myself; the third allows love and meaning to flow outward.



Take things slow and 1 day at a time. All Feeling are like waves, it come and go. Sometimes emotions can be so overwhelming that it feels like they are here to stay. But they never do. Some waves you can just observe and let them pass. Learning to surf with grace and full awareness is a great way to slow down. Notice what captivates you within a day. Know that a new day will come no matter how stressful the one before it was.





Everyone is rooted in his generation. Who are your peers and how narrowly are they defined in age and therefore culture? Perhaps relationships need to broaden to include younger and older people, as common human needs and wants supplant those sold to us by the cultures in which we are embedded.



Love. It’s wonderful and terrifying no matter when you find it. But looking for love in middle age comes with its own unique joys and challenges.