Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Dick Cheney: OUTLAW TORTURE?! What if we capture a terrorist who knows where a TICKING NUCLEAR TIME BOMB is! Shouldn't we be allowed to TORTURE him to get him to talk? Dick Cheney's Philosophical THOUGHT-EXPERIMENTATION LEGISLATION Man #1: There's a bomb hidden in Times Square, and this baby SWALLOWED instructions on how to defuse it! Man #2: Damn those legislators who shortsightedly outlawed ripping open live babies! Man #1: A terrorist cut the brakes on this trolley! Man #2: Do we switch the tracks to avoid hitting FIVE people, but thereby hitting ONE?! Man #1: This monkey has been randomly hitting keys for an infinite number of years! Now it's blogging the current U.S. nuclear launch codes! We must stop it! Man #2: No! Animal rights nuts have made shooting monkeys illegal!