Dear friendly internet strangers,

I am so very sorry for my long absence from the interwebs! For this I shall never forgive myself. A lot has happened this past month, so much so that I’m not quite sure where to begin. First I should say hello, and that I hope you are doing well. I myself am fine, thank you for asking! What have I been up to that was so pressing that I could not think to update my wordpress, you might inquire!?!?

Well firstly I was sick for a bit. Secondly my mother was in town (and for a whole MONTH. I’m sure you can imagine how that was). Also we went to Italy for a week, where she mercilessly taunted gypsies.

Okay that sounds bad. She didn’t so much taunt gypsies as she did confuse them horribly. Do not worry, I will explain.

So we’re in Florence, minding our own business (at least I was), when we see a few gypsies. My mom decides to approach them, and alarm bells start to go off in my head, as one does not simply walk up to a throng of gypsies!

But then she starts rummaging through her purse and I’m thinking, oh, that’s nice, mommykins just wants to give them some money. But no… no no. instead she takes out a bunch of bananas (why she was carrying around bananas I’ll never know) and hands them over. The gypsies, upon receiving this wondrous gift, looked at her something like this:

Luckily, they were not holding a baseball bat. I then urged my mom along, leaving the confused gypsies far behind us.

This was not to be a one time thing however… little did I know my mom was on some sort of banana blitzkrieg. Later in the day we encountered a gypsy mother and daughter, and once more she brazenly approached them and asked if they’d like a banana, to which they hesitantly nodded yes. Mi madre then realized she had none left, so she ran off to the closest market to get more. Only she returns not with the bananas but with a LOAF OF BREAD.

Of course the gypsies were like, what the hell is this shit. We were promised bananas.

Well, they didn’t say exactly that, but if the look on their face was any indication, they genuinely would have liked a banana. What I’m saying is… they’ve probably cursed us. Also my mom is some sort of sadist, taking these poor gypsies on an emotional roller coaster. You think you’re getting my loose change? Ha, here’s a banana instead! Oh, you’d like a banana? Well here’s some BREAD. Because we’re totally in Soviet Russia where bread is a hot commodity!!

Please, be good to gypsies people. Good day.