I raced home as soon as I heard. The love of my life was waiting for me at the door.

Biscuit: I thought you'd never get home. I've been waiting here for you all day!

Me: I know. Did you hear the news?

Biscuit: What news?

Me: Gay marriage. It's legal in Alabama. A federal judge in Mobile - tonight she struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage.

Biscuit: That's great. Can we go out now?

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Me: Not yet. But that time's coming. Everybody has said so -- Rand Paul, Pat Robertson, Rick Santorum. If gay marriage is legal, then what's next? If two people of the same gender can marry, then how long is it until a man can marry his dog?

Biscuit: I mean, can we go outside? I need to pee.

Me: You see, it's supposed to be a slippery slope. If you can't define marriage as between a man and a woman, then that could lead to all sorts of things. Polygamy is probably first, but we'll get our turn.

Biscuit: Where are you going with this?

Me: I know we haven't really talked about it. And I know, this all might seem a bit sudden, but ...

Biscuit: No, Kyle. This column - the whole columnist-talking-with-his-dog thing. Doesn't it feel kind of contrived?

Me: Maybe, but ...

Biscuit: No, maybe but. Lewis Grizzard was interviewing his dog 30 years ago. It's been done before.

Me: I know, Biscuit! It's all been done before! That's my problem!

Biscuit: I see.

Me: Here's the thing. With this ruling Friday, same-sex marriage is legal in Alabama. Heart of Dixie, buckle of the Bible Belt Alabama! We were supposed to be the last place where it would be legal. That nerdy wonk with the numbers and statistics and whatnot ... you know ...

Biscuit: Nate Silver.

Me: Nate Silver! He said we'd be last to have legal gay marriage. Maybe Mississippi, but definitely one of us would be the last to go. But now we're not last, and I'm supposed to have something witty and insightful to say about it.

Biscuit: What's stopping you?

Me: It's all been said before. All the stupid arguments about men marrying dogs, and all the witty one liners, like what Kinky Friedman said ...

Biscuit: Big dog-lover, that Kinky.

Me: "I support gay marriage because I believe they have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us."

Biscuit: I've heard that one before.

Me: Everybody has! And that's just the thing, right? It's all been said. I feel like Walmart had a going-out of-business sale where everything was free but I got there late and now it's all gone. The shelves are bare! It's over.

Biscuit: Maybe that's what you say.

Me: Say what?

Biscuit: When gay marriage is legal in Alabama, the argument is over. The governor, the speaker of the house, the attorney general - they can fuss all they want, but in the end they're just going to go down in the books as more dumb Alabamians fighting on the wrong side of history. It's legal here. It's done.

Me: Yeah. That's about it, I suppose.

Biscuit: Also, you can remind people that, while gay marriage hasn't been legal in Alabama until now, bestiality wasn't outlawed here until 2014.

Me: That's a great idea! Why didn't you say that to start with?

Biscuit: I can't actually talk.