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The sight of galloping Scythian armies 2,600 years ago must have been terrifying. Reigning over the steppes of present-day Ukraine, these ancient warriors drank the blood of their foes and used their scalps for napkins; Herodotus describes how they lined their enemies’ skulls with gold to make drinking goblets. But the party really got going when one of their kings died. Fifty attendants and fifty horses were strangled, gutted and filled with chaff, and impaled on posts surrounding the burial mound. Mourners would pierce their left hands with arrows, slash their arms and cut off portions of their ears to join in the fun.

O yes, and they all had these cool tattoos…

Any Scythian without tattoos meant he was of low station. Mummified corpses show images of stags, rams, fish, panthers, lions, mythological griffins, and abstract tiger stripe patterns. Some of the designs are surprisingly modern – many are artfully stylized representations of wild animals, positioned on one arm or leg, or covering practically the whole body area.

It should also be mentioned that as part of their funeral etiquette, Scythians sprinkled cannabis seeds over hot rocks, crept under a tent to inhale the vapors, jumped around and screamed. (Take note – Jon Jones, Nick Diaz, Jessica Eye and all the rest…) And forget Reebok. Just picture all those spectacular tattoos!

Now, almost three millennia later, MMA warriors still continue this body painting tradition.

Superstar Ronda Rousey has only two decorations so far: the first, an encircling ankle tattoo with the Olympic Games motto in Latin – “Faster, Higher, Stronger”. The second is the five Olympic rings logo, but you will not see this in the octagon because it is positioned on a discrete, um, part of her anatomy. Georges St-Pierre had a single thin vertical Japanese symbol over his heart, referring to his fighting philosophy. But not everyone is as understated as GSP and “The Rowdy One”. Subtlety is not a prime concern when intimidating and scaring the bejeezus out of your enemy on the opposing side of the cage.

Like many of today’s MMA tattoos, the mythological basilisk was a serpent that meant to cause death with a single glance. Conor McGregor’s chest tattoo is part of his subliminal arsenal, the tattooed gorilla munching on a heart also looking like those New Guinea birds that puff up to spread their wings and feathers to scare off other rivals. McGregor later added a tiger’s head below for added insurance. Yet it is painting on their backs that can give fighters full rein to their artistic fantasies.

Completely obscured by two huge tattooed wings, Benson Henderson’s back sports hundreds of detailed, realistic feathers. Thiago Silva is just as proud of the tableau on his spine, illustrating a Samurai standing on a demon’s head while clamping a wrist lock on its arm: a clear contender for Move Of The Night bonus. Junie “the Lunatic” Browning had a hand grenade on his fist, while Gilbert Yvel had a list of all his KO victims (I don’t think it included that ref he laid out). Alexander Gustafson’s right arm is embedded with inverted triangles to catalogue his bouts, much like the white silhouettes of enemy tank kills stenciled on the shield of a WWII howitzer.

Paulo Filho has an enigmatic “Reward Hunter” stenciled over his right chest and a million dollar bill with a pit bull on his abdomen. Alan Belcher fights with a Johnny Cash portrait on his left bicep, while Melvin Costa sports a Nazi eagle on his chest and “I Have A Small Penis” in Gothic letters around his belly button. Hmnnnn…

I am still trying to figure out what Sara McMann intended with the billboard now displayed on her upper back. A sorry-looking lion’s head dominates her left shoulder blade and I can recognize the Olympic silver medal, but what’s with the huge revolver, the melting skulls, and the black crows? I doubt it would have made it to the finals on SyFy’s Face Off.

Fedor Emelianenko’s troubled little brother Aleksander had his back draped with a full moon and flying bats, plus a big figure of a skull-topped figure holding a baby with a crown on its head and a sword in its arm. His ventral side is even more ornate. Like one of those black-lacquered Russian boxes, his pecs are decorated with two mounted medieval knights in combat. A prayer in Old Church Slavonic and the Orthodox cross in the center complete the presentation – that is, unless he decides to improve it in the future.

Chris Leben always provided fans with a feast for the eyes: his neon orange hair and the elaborate buddhas and dragons on his skin, complete with a Samurai holding a severed head, dripping with blood. And there are many, many other permutations and variations… and not just among fighters. Some fans are walking advertisements, with “Bellator” and “Tapout” burned into their skins. and many fans have tattooed full color portraits of their favorite gladiators.

Commentator Joe Rogan has an elaborate and personal tattoo all over his left arm which includes a picture of the floating DMT (Dimethyltryptamine) molecule – the psychedelic drug he was on, when a golden Buddha communicated with him and tried to relate “the secrets of life and the secrets of happiness and harmony in this world.”

But what if a present day warrior wants to redecorate his/her epidermis and erase some of the earlier art?

Removing a tattoo is still more difficult than creating one, and both procedures have their dangers. The reason is that tattoos are like an infection and your body will keep fighting it pretty much… forever. Tattoo needles puncture the epidermis, driving the ink deep into the dermis. Each needle causes a wound, alerting the body to begin the inflammatory process. Immune cells race to the site and special cells called macrophages attempt to eat up the dye. These later travel to lymph nodes where more complications can result… But potential health concerns aren’t stopping today’s warriors.

If there was a nail strong enough, Japanese-American MMA fighter Enson Inoue could have mounted himself as an exhibit in any art gallery in the world. The spectacular artwork on his torso is a history of his life’s journey and each element has a meaning specific for him.

But more than that, Enson believes there are two lives – the physical and the spiritual: “Even if you’re a millionaire, even if you have a Ferrari, even if you have a beautiful mansion, when you die, you’ve gotta leave it all behind. The only thing you take with you is your soul. When you cremate your body, I believe it goes into your spirit. Everything I put on my body is something that I want to take with me into the spiritual life.”

I doubt the ancient Scythians could have put it any better.

Main Photo: Reconstruction of a warrior’s tattoos, who was discovered on the same plateau as the ‘Princess’. All drawings of tattoos were made by Elena Shumakova, Institute of Archeology and Ethnography, Siberian Branch of Russian Academy of Science.