IT’S THE ETHICS WORLD CUP, BABY!

Today Julen Lopetegui will leave his phone off, avoid television and sit in a darkened room listening to Boney M and reflecting that, like Ra Ra Rasputin – Russia’s greatest love machine – it was a shame how he carried on. Meanwhile, everyone else will be having a party! Thirty-two managers, 736 players, tens of thousands of fans and at least two million besuited officials flashing laminated passes like police badges are in Russia and ready to strut their stuff! If not the Greatest Show on Earth, then at least one of the few not featuring Jack Whitehall!

How the tournament has grown since 1930, when just four European teams headed to Uruguay for the inaugural bash, most of them travelling on a boat with Fifa chief sponge Jules Rimet, who carried the trophy with him in a holdall but warned the lads they’d have to win it in order to touch it. So the card games must have been fierce during the three-week voyage and if the ship’s log shows there was any gin left by the time they passed the Azores, then The Fiver’s crying forgery.

Despite all the changes the tournament has undergone over the last 88 years, Fifa has strived to preserve football’s heritage and the fundamental aspects of the game that make it so special: the 1930 final was blown up six minutes early by a miscalculating referee, who, upon realising his mistake, had to drag the angry and bemused players of Uruguay and Argentina back out of the dressing rooms to complete the game; and this year Fifa has introduced VAR to perpetuate that vital sense of farce.

World Cup beauty and outrage takes on the dizzying oddity of Russia | Barney Ronay Read more

But who will be the latest to follow in the footsteps of José Nasazzi by lifting the trophy? We can rule out anyone from Russia and Saudi Arabia. They’ll have their day in the spotlight when they kick off the tournament and that will probably be the last time we hear from either, save for some quiet sobbing from the hosts at the end of the group stage. Brazil are favourites because Neymar’s brought his dancing shoes and a high-class supporting cast who are happy to act like that 7-1 thrashing by Germany never happened. But Germany are planning for history to repeat itself. British tabloids have been readying the headlines for years.

France, meanwhile, have an extraordinary array of attacking talent – and a manager who is six years into his reign and still trying to figure out what he’s up to. Belgium also have a gifted squad but you have to wonder about the hunger of a side that knows their slick-talking gaffer will be able to present even the most humiliating defeat as a salutary triumph. There should be no such hunger problems for Argentina, with Lionel Messi facing up to his last chance to step out of the shadow of Diego Maradona. The same goes for Him, who may have won the Euros with Portugal and swept the board with Real Madrid but, when it comes to appearances in the World Cup final, is all too aware that He still can’t hold a candle to Dirk Kuyt.

Spain could yet shrug off the loss of their manager and pass all-comers into oblivion. And there are some intriguing outsiders such as Uruguay, Peru, Croatia and Senegal. And what of England? The chances of Harry Kane claiming the Golden Boot look high – and jokes about him doing so are absolutely inevitable – but no one really expects Gareth Southgate’s tender Lions to end 52 years of hurt. But watching them try could be enjoyable and that would count as progress. Where’s The Fiver’s money going? On enough chips and Tin to sustain us for another month in front of the TV.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Simon Burnton now for the latest news and opening ceremony in our liveblog, before Barry Glendenning takes over at 4pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Russia 0-0 Saudi Arabia.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I was 150kg and I reached a point where I couldn’t walk 30 yards. If I did, I started to feel pain in my back, my joints and my knees … [The doctor] told me my cholesterol was 320 and that the top of the average is 200. And, to be honest, the doctor told me that if I continue with my lifestyle, there is a more than an 80% chance that I’ll die before I am 40’” – Mido opens up to Stuart James in this fair old chat.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Your man. Photograph: Adrian Sherratt/The Guardian

RECOMMENDED LISTENING



World Cup Daily with Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and co will kick off today and you can find it in this general area every matchday evening.

RECOMMENDED LOOKING

Get yourself sacked by wasting far too much of your employer’s time exploring the history of the World Cup with our snazzy graphic guide to the official kits worn by the 32 competing teams in Russia.

ETHICS WORLD CUP GUIDE

Here we go, then, our bumper rundown of all 736 [SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIX – Fiver vidiprinter] players at Russia 2018.

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FIVEЯ LETTERS

“So, Spain have sacked an unbeaten manager in controversial circumstances, and appointed a former centre-half who missed a crucial penalty at Euro 96? It’ll never catch on” – Jim Hearson.

“We don’t expect Pulitzer-winning writing when we read The Fiver but you can do better than: ‘With only one more sleep to go before the Ethics World Cup’ (yesterday’s World Cup FiveЯ). Surely only nine-year-olds count days in sleeps? And even they stopped the idiotic habit 10 years ago. Or 3,652 sleeps ago” – John Mackay.

“Why is everyone so disbelieving about the concept of Mrs Fiver (yesterday’s World Cup FiveЯ letters)? Given it has so many other relations, why shouldn’t The Fiver have a mother? It almost certainly still lives with her. Unless it’s The Fiver’s aunt who is married to Weird Uncle Fiver, which I grant you is less likely” – Robin Hazlehurst.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Jim Hearson.

THE RECAP

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RECOMMENDED VIEWING



Russia are bobbins. Here’s why, in the form of a video with groovy graphics and a silky voiceover.

Play Video 3:41 How Russia became lowest ranked team at the 2018 World Cup – video

BITS AND BOBS

Fernando Hierro has rejected the opportunity to freestyle it with the Spain squad he has inherited. “The key is to change as little as possible,” he sighed. “We cannot change anything in two days.”

The FA is pondering bidding for the 2030 World Cup after Uefa’s president Aleksander Ceferin praised Greg Clarke for, er, “changing the image of English football.” Some image.

Roberto Carlos has selected a large wooden spoon, taken a trademark long run-up, then had a good old stir. “If Messi were Brazilian he would already be a world champion,” he parped, before adding for good measure: “[He] is the best.”

Marcus Rashford is still out of England training with slight knock-knack.

Postman Pat dept: Royal Mail has banned postal workers from flying flags on their delivery vehicles during the World Cup in case they distract drivers or “pose a potential hazard to other road users” by coming loose.

And non-World Cup news dept: all the teams in the Premier League are going to play each other when the season starts. Again!

STILL WANT MORE?



App! App! App! App! App! App!

Quiz! Quiz! Quiz! Quiz! Quiz! Quiz!

Barney Ronay sets the scene in Russia.

The Fiver’s newest colleague Thomas Hitzlsperger on Germany’s chances.

Sid Lowe on the state of Spain.

Ed Aarons on the state of Sporting and, in turn, Portugal.

“Jacqui took a bullet for us”: Lexy Topping on the women with key World Cup reporting roles.

Luscious locks and that’s just Michael Butler, before we get on to Hervé Renard, the subject of his feature.

Three hosts, three countries, 48 teams: how on earth is the 2026 World Cup going to work?

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