Dear Natalie,



I am a 27 year old, short, socially awkward black nerd that does not understand one’s place in the grand scheme of life. In short I am what you would classify as a Blackcel. Or was, up until this point. See, what I got from watching your video on incels wasn’t simply a wake up call, it was understanding in what is so wrong around me. To give you some insight into what my incel perspective is on things, you have to understand that the the black community, our Chads or Tyrone’s, are a particular type of problem. See, what drives men like me crazy is that the Tyrones are the type of men that get all the women that men like me are not only told we should desire, but are told we should go for to prove we are men. As I’ve said before in the article I believed would be my exit, Black inceldom is a special type of hell because the most toxic parts of masculinity are not only normalized, but going against said behaviors, no matter how toxic, are seen as a weakness because apparently no one wants to stand up and say that maybe the women around us are shitty people with shitty tastes and that we shouldn’t go along with bad behaviors because a very small number of women that men would classify as Stacy’s are in favor of it.



You must understand, the black pill mentality claims many more black lives than you would ever know, and what’s worse is that many black men find that the solution isn’t bettering oneself necessarily, but rather to basically become far more toxic in ways that arguably are more appealing to women, but are still very toxic. Seriously, go look at any black pick-up artist or black MGTOW site, at some point you see them praising pimps as the face of strong black masculinity because that at the end of the day is what we are taught is strength in relation to women. What’s more, my old articles on this site will prove that I went through a very long strain of nihilism that you showed me out of.



See, what your video showed me was that you and I aren’t that different in terms of our struggle to find the love of ourselves in a world that tells each and every one of us that we lack something to make us beautiful. For you, it was your gender identity, for me it’s simply the fact that I live in a society that in many ways tells me I’m a freak for not fitting into the narrow box of identity that is set for black men. For you it is complicated in ways I can’t fully put to words properly, for me it’s that society views mild mannered, soft spoken, shorter, kind of chubby, nerdy black men as freaks because we don’t do enough to fit into the pre notions of what black masculinity is supposed to look like.



Part of why I am how I am is because for a great deal of time, I went through digital self harm by making many podcasters and writers hate me, granted they were people I still didn’t agree with to begin with on many things, but still, it was me taking my self loathing out on many innocent people, some of which I am fans of to this day. As for masochistic epistemology, I find myself doing that daily with responses to my articles in which I know I was wrong or when I seek out people making fun of me. Please understand, I understand that pretty much all my past articles have been the sad mad rants of a self-loathing man that wanted to blame all his shortcomings on the world around him, and that’s about the long and short of it all. I’m a man trying to find himself after years of making enemies of many people on the internet solely because I hate myself. I hate myself not because I’m short, or chubby, or dark skinned, or awkward; I hate myself because frankly I hate that I’ll never be the kind of guy that my community treats like gods. So for years I took out my anger here and on others in the worse ways, and it lost me many great things. I lied, I cheated, I ruined podcasts with my bullshit because I knew I’d never be who I’ve been taught to believe everyone loves, so I grew to hate myself and make up lies and myths about myself that just weren’t true to seem more than the lonely nerd I am.



When it comes to women, you have to understand that for me, a lot of what these days are is unlearning a lot of what I knew and know. Fact is, the reason I have such a deep animus now for things like toxic masculinity is in fact that it has all but led me down this road along with bad judgement on my part, but with women themselves, this is the part where I point out that I have done bad things in regards to women and I’m not proud of it. I’ve been abusive of women, I’ve stalked women, I’ve hurt women, I’ve done bad things and it only feels better to say that aloud because even if one wants to argue not all men, I can tell you first hand that not all men are capable of harming women, but many can build a logic around why women are harmed. When it comes to inceldom, I think this ties to why feminism gets blamed.



Inceldom is an awful scourge that faces all men and it can’t be solved with sex workers or state sanctioned girlfriends or sex robots. I think if there is any sort of solution, by and large, it’s that we as a society need to come together and expose how capitalism is leading us to live out a sad fight club. The Gillette ad that brought up the salient yet simple point that men should stop harassing women and beating up each other has been met with anger and rancor, which I think is kind of the point that the Slim Jim Spice Loss ads were supposed to be making fun of. The harsh truth about incels that you managed to touch on but didn’t finish is that society sets us up all to think we should be Chads from day 1 and that anything less is failure as a man. In my community, men could be hard working, making good money and loving husbands and so many men will view him as a failure compared to the guy who barely works, doesn’t have his finances right but gets loads of women. This is not to say this is how ALL black people operate, but it is to say that in my life a cisgendered heterosexual male, more times often than not, the men we praise as the coolest aren’t always the most functional for real life. Case in point, the fact that it’s 2019 and we’re about to get another Shaft movie, a franchise that hasn’t had a sequel in almost 20 years, and is exactly almost 50 years old, I know because 1971 is both when my father was born and when this series started. Incel boards for black men are a special kind of hell if you’re simply a man who has a decent heart. I don’t claim to be a feminist or anything, but I am simply a man who thinks that at the minimum maybe we shouldn’t blame women for when men do terrible things to them. It’s hard to see men blame women for men like R. Kelly abusing women, it makes me angry when I see men defend Bill Cosby, and it makes me want to fight when I see the bullshit Red Pill logic that men like Harvey Weinstein are victims only because “those whores are only trying to get out of the deal they made on the casting couches” as if it’s right to levy ones power against a woman for sex.



I think if there was ever a simple way to sum up incels in the modern age we live in, it’s that these are men that both grew up with ideals older than them and more out of touch than they’d ever know. Fact is, as you said, dating is not fair ever to the non-photogenic or the socially awkward. For me, the thing that annoys men like me is the belief that just being charismatic enough is enough to win any woman, but as talking to women has taught me, women have both primary and secondary attractions to men and very few women don’t on some level care about primary attraction which is basically physical attraction. Not every man fits into every woman’s ideal, but when you live in a society that tells men that NOT fitting into one particular ideal is why you are alone, and not that you might not be putting yourself in circles where you can meet women who will like you ALONG with not being a weird creepy fuck, this is how you get incels in the modern age. I can tell you that part of the frustration is the inconvenient truth that many men like me are raised both with toxic ideals about and toward women and there are generations of women who have grown to normalize such behavior, creating perfect storms of men that grow up thinking that by not being a Tyrone that they’ll be alone forever. Society doesn’t tell men like me that sometimes you aren’t wanted by some women and that all it boils down to is persistence or a fated place in society and this I believe is why so many men go to the places and lie down and rot, because even knowing what I know is wrong, I still find myself looking at a woman I find attractive, getting angry and not actually knowing why.



Finally, I’ll just bury the main thing that many will attack me for and have probably attacked you for: I think that you are very attractive, no you are not the first trans woman I’ve been attracted to, yes, I view you as a woman, no, I am not about to spend days arguing with the transphobes that will read this. I came back to writing for this site because I feel it’s time somebody used this platform to not just sit around and talk about how evil black women are or that certain classes of black people shouldn’t reproduce. Frankly, I agree that the left needs to work on its optics and needs unity and would love to share a bottle of wine with a few corndogs and pick your brain as all your videos portray you as a very peculiar yet fascinating person. But above all, thank you. Thank you for showing me a way out and taking the time out to listen to my pain and show me a way out. And thank you for the absurdist humor of your videos, the BBC watching nerd in me appreciates the goofiness. I came to your videos mainly because, yes, I’m a fan of Chapo Trap House and similar shows like it. Fact is, your perspective of incels, pick-up artists and alpha males are very insightful and I truly believe you should be more well known as a YouTuber and one with a perspective on the modern political discourse.

