There is so much to unpack after being in this cult for about 25 years. The manipulation, control, indoctrination, deception, conditional love, the patriarchal arrangement, chauvinistic attitudes, cover-ups, scandals, etc. is rampant all through this cult. And oh my goodness the rules:

Witnesses are not allowed to say pledge allegiance to the flag

Not allowed to be in the classroom when any sort of holiday is being celebrated

Aren’t allowed to make friends who don’t serve Jehovah

Not allowed to vote nor pursue higher education

Not allowed to question God and not allowed to be apart of any other religion

Not allowed to date unless the intent is for marriage

Not allowed to celebrate birthday’s

Not allowed to have blood transfusions

Not allowed to watch rated R-movies

The authorities are not to be alerted under any circumstances if those in the congregation are made aware of any criminal allegations within the congregation

If you have been watching the news lately, the lawsuits coming out the woodworks for child abuse allegations has been front and center. The most disturbing detail about this is that they don’t report child molesters to the authorities. They simply past them around to different congregations. There is a crisis of silence within the Jehovah’s Witness organization. A crisis of coverup of the abuse of children that has been going on for decades.

After a while, this type of “ swept under the rug” scandal was a major reason I had to leave. I wanted to separate myself from them as far as possible. It was not an easy decision for me but I could no longer allow myself to be controlled and exploited all for the sake of hiding a sickening and malicious truth.

When you make a conscious decision to leave or “disassociate’ yourself from this cult, you are fully aware you are walking away from your family and friends. This type of action has heavy consequences. I know people who have committed suicide, have PTSD, mental issues, nervous breakdowns, become atheists and more because of this action of shunning aka disfellowshipping.

I personally have a lot of resentment. Luckily for me, I didn’t suffer any abuse or anything of that nature but having to suppress natural desires and having to refrain from establishing healthy relationships with people played on my psyche. It was drilled in me that Armageddon would come and kill the people that I loved if they didn’t serve this God Jehovah.

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

This type of message creates mental anguish, strains relationships, causes doubt and makes you question the type of God you think you’re serving. It is not normal to walk through life and not engage with people. It is not normal to not invest and pursue your God-given talents. With the persistent message that this world will end day any now, we are just temporary residents. A person is taught not to get comfortable in this wicked world because it will all be over soon. I could literally go on and on about the extremely foolish and preposterous doctrines being force feds down the member’s throats.

For someone on the outside looking in, they can’t begin to comprehend what all this entails, let alone, why family and friends would outcast you because you simply don’t share the same beliefs. Imagine being apart of religion for over 30, 40, 50 plus years and then because of one imperfect human action, you are disfellowshipped and no longer have the right to speak or associate with your family and friends.

What is a person to do after something like this? If your whole life is that religious cult, where do you go for support? Where do you go for moral support? I’m trying to put into perspective that a person literally has no community or family to stand on. You are literally dead to them until you decide that you want to come back into the organization. What happened to unconditional love? O I forgot, it’s conditional. Meaning, it’s all good until you go against the religion, or you commit a sin that those in authority in the congregation deem unforgivable.

This is wrong and inhumane on so many levels. A person literally has to start from scratch. Find a new community, find new friends, in some cases, find a new place to stay, and find a new job. The reach of the witness can run very deep. Of course, no one tells you this when they are trying to sell you the good side of coming into this organization. Please excuse all the different terminologies that I’m using but after being in a cult for over 25 years, it’s not always easy to eradicate some of the terms from my vocabulary. That goes to show to unlearn everything you’ve learned, is a learning process.

The other elephant in the room is what happens to the person’s religious beliefs. Surely that is going to be impacted. If God is supposed to be so loving and religion is supposed to bring unity than how has it become the most divisive institution of this day and age. It’s only right that a person would start to question serving a cruel God

A God that makes you feel disposable, a God that makes you feel unworthy of love, a God that deems you unrepentant. But is this really from God or is this from man? The spiritual internal struggle a person will endure is nothing to be taken lightly. How does a person gain clarity? Do you still search for answers in that same religion that has cast you to side? Do you still trust or believe there is a God? There is so much confusion and anger when you start to unravel the truth about everything you’ve been taught.

I know people who have been disfellowshipped and because the pain of being without their family was too great, decided to come back. Coming back isn’t as easy as just coming back. They put you through a scrupulous process to be accepted back. It is spiritual abuse on every level. Nothing about it is fair or loving but some people are so desperate to come back they will oblige the rules and regulations. Some will say they are “PIMO”, psychically in mentally out. Meaning physically they are back in the congregation and able to fellowship with their family and friends but mentally don’t believe anymore. At that point, it’s only to maintain relationships with their loved ones.

I’ve recently had mixed feelings about this issue. Everyone in my immediate family still attends except for my dad. We’ve always been a close-knit family but this religious cult has put a strain on our relationships. Do I pull a PIMO and go back for the sake of being close to my family or maintain my stance? At this point and time, my belief in God has been called into questions because of all of the deceit that I’ve encountered. When I left the Witnesses, I found myself searching more for spirituality than another religion. I’ve been put off to organized religion. I’m on a quest for more spiritual enlightenment. Either way, there is no easy answer. I guess I need to take another hard look at what is important to me. If I want to see my family again, going back into this religious cult may be the only option.