If you exist on Twitter in any real way, you no doubt are aware of dril. Love him or hate him, the semi-mysterious internet persona is responsible for shaping the way we speak on the internet. With 1.5 million followers and an account stretching back to 2008, dril is part of the very fabric of Twitter; even people who can’t stand him use his weird turns of phrase constantly, which is how you know you’ve truly changed culture forever. He’s so influential to the way we post that the Outline’s Tom Whyman made a very compelling case that he deserves the Nobel Prize in Literature.

I would pay to have this embroidered on a pillow

When someone has generated so much content, it turns out that it’s fairly straightforward to train an AI to Tweet as them. Twitter user @kingdomakrillion built an AI to tweet like dril and the results are honestly pretty impressive.

You have to be smarter than me, but according to this article, it’s not inherently complicated to train an AI to tweet like one of the most idiosyncratic voices of a generation. It’s fascinating to watch AI wint mimic the OG so effectively, but it also gets very confusing on the timeline. Multiple times now, I’ve liked a tweet from AI dril thinking it comes from the master himself. This is unacceptable, I can’t be online throwing likes to a cheap robot when I mean to withhold them for a future Nobel Laureate.

A pale imitation of greatness

The only solution, in my opinion, is for the real dril to don a mech suit and fight his robot alter ego. As impressive as the AI dril is as an experiment, we simply cannot tolerate the chaos of two drils existing at once. My timeline is already rife with politics bullshit, this is a stressful time, the only way I can handle left Twitter is with regular hits of weird Twitter to even it out. Having to second-guess every dril tweet is too much confusion for my feeble mind, I need the clarity and serenity of knowing that the tweet I’m liking about dril’s “horrid little pud” is coming straight from the source.

I’m not sure exactly what type of mech suits dril and AI dril will need to pilot, I assume it’ll need to be some kind of mind-controlled mech since AI dril doesn’t have limbs to fight with. Ideally, we could watch this battle of man vs. machine on TRUTHPOINT, but if not, we should at least be able to see it on Twitter. These are dark days, we need a real John Henry story to brighten up the timeline and remind us of the triumph of man’s superior wit to machines. Twitter may be slowly sapping the life force from all of us and driving us collectively insane, but it would be deeply gratifying to witness one of the brightest minds of the 21st century best a machine, all through the elegant dance of making sick robots fight each other. Sure, there’s a good chance that if you made an AI that was created to generate shitposts pilot a military-grade robot, it would accidentally destroy a city, but that’s a risk we’ll need to be willing to take in order to restore peace to the timeline.