Some childcare centres in Australia are sending kids home with their poo in labelled plastic bags.

Yes, you read that correctly. Take home turds.

Let me explain. Late last week a lady sent me a message on my Facebook page:

“Em — help me. You have the BEST answers! I am a young mum with kids at daycare. Today, I was greeted with a plastic bag with an entire poo wrapped in princess pink undies with ‘Ellie 16/03’ written on it. Yes my daughter is named Ellie but surely this isn’t her soiled undies packaged from three days prior after sitting in communal ‘turd’ bucket for all that time! Can I please ask, what would have you have done?”

What the what now?!

From what I could gather, at this particular childcare centre, when parents are collecting the stick figure drawings on scrap paper and the stale pasta collages, they also have to check the COMMUNAL S**T BUCKET to see if their child has made a deposit.

WHAT THE WHAT NOW?!

Initially I thought that perhaps this was just a one off occurrence and that this lady had made a poor choice in childcare. Until the comments started coming in under her post in their hundreds, confirming that this situation is indeed happening in childcare centres all across the country.

Why isn’t there national outrage? Why aren’t A Current Affair and 60 Minutes bashing down people’s doors? Are you all taking this in? Do you fully comprehend the situation we are dealing with here?

I don’t know about you but I had SO many questions. The most pressing being: WHY? For the sake of all that is good and true in this world, why are we giving harassed parents a bag of brown at pick up?

I did some “research” so none of you had to and the short answer is because apparently. if a kid stocks the lake with brown trout (in their undies), it’s a health and safety issue. There is a chance of cross-contamination in sinks and faecal matter flicking up into a worker’s eyes. So instead of putting it in the teeny tiny toilets, the childcare workers just bag the undies up log and all, name them and put them with the other packages of joy for the parents to deal with upon pick up.

Christ on a wheel!

I can categorically state this never happened at the child care centres my children attended. I can also categorically state that if it had happened, I would’ve promptly gone and placed the bag on the desk of the director of the centre and not moved until he/she assured me that it would NEVER happen again. Failing that, I would’ve hidden that bag of borry so deep in their office that the only way to remove the stench would be to light said office on fire.

I mean, doesn’t it go without saying that if a pair of undies is so badly assaulted and can’t be dealt with on the premises, those undies should be destroyed for all of time? I’m willing to let go of a pair of $4 My Little Pony jocks for the sake of NEVER having to be presented with a poo bag of terror. Aren’t you?

If you’re reading this and knowingly nodding your head because this situation is all too familiar, I am so sorry. No one should have to go through that kind of trauma.

Do these child care centres not give a s**t at all? Oh wait, they do ...

We should also spare a thought for those who live in warmer climates. There would be some serious fermentation going on in those plastic bags.

Pro tip: If you find yourself the victim of crap bagging in the near future remember that Easter is just around the corner. And who doesn’t love those tiny little “organic” brown eggs?

So in summary no, all the no, just NO.

P.S. Obviously this isn’t happening in ALL childcare centres. I’ve heard of places that freshly wash and dry you kid’s clothes should they get dirty! I also in no way wish to diminish the awesome, difficult and hideously underpaid work childcare workers do across the country. You’re all bloody saints in my book, even the ones bagging and naming crap. I’m sure you’re just toeing the company line because this behaviour would not be anyone’s personal choice.

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular News.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.