I'll admit it. I was wrong. For a brief moment a few weeks ago, I decided that I wanted a fidget spinner. Upon buying one, I actually uttered out loud to a friend the phrase, "I know it doesn't make sense, but they're kinda fun!" At the time I believed it. I'd just sit and spin and sit and spin. It was hypnotic. Comforting. My anxiety temporarily subsided. But then I began to notice other people using them. At restaurants. At stores. On the beach. At the park. There was an epidemic. And even though I found using the fidget spinner unquestionably effective at reducing my own stress, I began to realize that watching people use fidget spinners added an incredible amount of anxiety to my life. Think about that all too common image that everyone is constantly bemoaning: A family or group of friends around a dinner table, every one of them looking down at their phones. Now replace those phones with fidget spinners. Sure they may be looking up, but there's something about the image that feels wrong. Almost creepy. Like a dystopian movie where everyone is constantly looking down at a small device designed to hypnotize them. I knew I had to get rid of my fidget spinner. But I'm only one man. If only a larger authority could help solve this problem...

Enter the German government. According to the Associated Press, German airport customs has seized 35 tons of the distraction toy and has decided to destroy them.

Frankfurt airport customs authorities said Friday they confiscated 35 metric tons of the tiny twirling gadgets in May alone and plan on crushing them out of existence. They say they tested the toys, which came in multiple shipments from China, and found that bits could fall off and pose possible choking hazards for small children.

Look, I hadn't even considered that kids can choke on these things. For me it was more the existential terror they created and the super annoying spinning sound that was beginning to be the soundtrack of our world. It's like the old saying. "Idle hands are the devil's plaything." Well I guess that makes fidget spinners the devil. May other wise governments follow Germany's lead and save us from our selves.