We learned a couple weeks ago that Old Man Wayne Rooney got popped with a public intoxication charge at Dulles International Airport in December. What we didn’t know then was what exactly it was about the twisted-off-his-ass Rooney that attracted the cops’ attention. We do know now. And it involves him speaking in apparently an even less intelligible way than his normal Scouse brogue.


We put in a Freedom of Information request with the Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority Police for the incident report, and today they’ve gotten back to us with it. Here is the relevant excerpt, which details how and why the arresting officer took notice of Rooney and decided to arrest him:


You may be wondering how many on-flight cocktails it would take to get Rooney into that state, but it seems the alcohol wasn’t the entire problem. After news of his arrest broke, a Rooney spokesperson said the D.C. United striker “took a prescribed amount of sleeping tablets mixed with some alcohol consumption and consequently was disorientated on arrival.” Sober Rooney is hard to understand; imagine trying to hold a conversation with him after he’d washed down a couple Ambien with a whiskey rocks or three.