This has been an issue my entire life.

I have no concept of time.

I never have.

I never will.

It is what it is.

I have calendars, watches and clocks galore. I'm pretty fascinated by the tools in which we keep track of those concepts of time. I've never purposefully thrown out a clock or a watch because I feel like I'm literally throwing away time - and I hate doing that! At one point I had a hell of a watch collection. Sadly, I think the bulk of it was lost during a move.

My husband came home from work the other day.

He's pretty consistent like that. He goes to work. He works. He comes home.

So when he walked in I was like, "Oh, hi, honey. How was your day?"

Surely nine hours have come and gone. It was so good to see him walk through the door.

His timing was perfect because I needed a coffee refill.

He gave me the funniest look. "Uh... You know I was only gone for like 3 hours, right?"

I just looked at him over the rim of my glasses and blinked a few times. Empty coffee cup in hand. No words necessary.

"Do you even know what day it is?" he asked as he topped me off. Ahhh.... nectar of the gods that coffee!

"Yeah, it's DAY."

"No, what day day it is."

"It's a day that ends in 'day'?"

"Are you serious?" He then proceeded to walk to the calendar and point to a box. "Do you really not know what day it is? I marked it on the calendar for you."

I glanced at the box then back at him. "Is that accurate?" I asked. "You could have missed a day."

Shaking his head he threw his hands in the air and said, "How can you really not know what day it is?!"

A moment later he tried a different approach.

"Okay. When's the last time you took a shower?"

I looked down at my coffee and egg-stained t-shirt and tried really hard to remember how many days I'd worn it.

"It's been at least two," he answered for me.

Oh good, I thought. If he'd said 3 or 4 days I might have been forced to shower but then I figured I was still in the reasonably presentable zone as I had yet to smell pickle pits.

"Do I look greasy?" I asked, not that I really cared. This was small talk after all.

"You're the prettiest woman in Brooksville," he answered.

That is NOT a compliment, husband!

"Can you tell me what time it is?" he asked.

"Sure. It's now."

I don't think he was amused.

"You know you have a clock on your computer, right?"

"I do, don't I? You know, I never really look at it?"

Shaking his head I could see he'd given up on showing me any concept of time. "I really need to get you out of the house," he muttered as he reached for a beer in the fridge.

"No way," I answered. "Then I'll have to put on a bra."

"I give up."

Good man.