Oh Matt Damon, I never expected it to end this way. After all, The Departed is one of my favourite films. So is The Talented Mr Ripley. You are one of the only A-list stars whose mere presence in a movie will persuade me to buy a ticket (except for We Bought a Zoo but everyone gets a pass for that, right?).

This is going to be great, I thought, as I walked into a Los Angeles hotel room to interview him for the Observer Magazine as part of the publicity junket for his new film, The Martian. By the end of these 45 minutes, he’s going to be inviting me round for dinner at his Hollywood home with his beautiful wife and four daughters and maybe his celebrity friends Emily Blunt and Ben Affleck. This I imagined, as I took out my Dictaphone and notepad.

And for the first half of our allotted time, he was smart and funny and open and everything seemed to be going smoothly. But then I asked Damon a question about gay actors. It was ground I wanted to cover because Damon, a straight man, had starred as Liberace’s lover, Scott Thorson, in the 2013 drama Behind the Candelabra. Did he think it was harder for gay actors to be open about their sexuality?

That’s when he said The Thing: “I think you’re a better actor the less people know about you period. And sexuality is a huge part of that. Whether you’re straight or gay, people shouldn’t know anything about your sexuality because that’s one of the mysteries that you should be able to play.”

I remember thinking it was a shame he hadn’t gone further. Because there’s no doubt in my mind it must be far harder for a major Hollywood movie star to be openly gay and still be given the chance to play straight roles than the other way round. Jodie Foster is a notable exception.

Still, I hadn’t expected it to cause quite such a kerfuffle. The interview ran in last Sunday’s Observer. On Monday, everything went haywire. A piece ran on Salon.com claiming that Damon “says gay actors should stay in the closet”. That evening, a YouTube clip landed on Twitter. It was from a taped segment with Damon for Tuesday’s episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show. They were discussing my interview. Damon said his original quotes – which he has never disputed – were lifted by “the blogosphere” and “taken out of context”.

I went to bed thinking it was mildly amusing that someone had used the term “blogosphere” for the first time since 1995. The next morning, my inbox was full of emails from American media outlets wanting to interview me about my interview, which felt very meta.

I gave Access Hollywood a statement and then drove straight to the CBS studio lot where a woman called Tammy slapped an enormous amount of lipstick and eyeshadow on to my face.

Tammy: “How do you like your hair done?”

Me: “I like it undone.”

Tammy: “OK, I’ll do it so it looks undone.”

The rest of what she said was drowned out by hairspray.

I was taken into a small, airless room surrounded by vases of fake flowers where I was asked a series of rapid-fire questions by a man who was very keen I kept my answers as short as possible.

The programmes aired that evening. The hashtag #Damonsplaining started trending on Twitter. The story was picked up by the Washington Post, Time magazine and the BBC. A friend emailed saying CBS had managed to make me look like Kylie Jenner. There was part of me, in the midst of all this, which felt sorry for Damon. I thought his quotes had been unfairly seized upon and over-analysed. The timing was awful – it came a few weeks after he’d made some ignorant remarks about diversity in film – and I didn’t think he was a bad guy, not really.

I posted words to this effect on my personal Facebook page. A friend of mine, Patrick Strudwick, who is the LGBT editor for BuzzFeed, politely disagreed. He wrote: “Sorry, but I think that’s being a bit blind to how being out operates – if you say nothing about your orientation publicly, it is assumed you are straight.

“For all actors to keep quiet means all actors are assumed straight which makes being out even harder for those who don’t want to be assumed to be straight, which is more suffocating than any straight person realised. It is also denying other gay people a role model, and helping perpetuate silence. Matt Damon might be nice but he simply doesn’t understand the issues.”

And when I thought about it, I realised Strudwick was right. In an eloquently expressed article for the Daily Beast, Kevin Fallon also pointed out that straight actors have the liberty of choosing to talk or staying silent about their sexuality because neither would negatively affect their career.

At no point in my interview had Damon said gay actors should stay in the closet. He was trying to say that, because an actor’s job involves assuming the guise of another person, arguably it was better for audiences to know as little as possible about the actor themselves.

But I wonder how much he, as a hugely successful straight, white, privileged movie star, or I, as a straight, white, middle-class journalist, could claim to know about what it’s like being made to feel ashamed for who we are or to suffer the silence of enforced dishonesty in the name of social acceptability? And the answer has to be: nowhere near enough.

So would I rather Damon had kept his mouth shut? No. I’ve endured my fair share of blank-eyed junket interviews with actors giving bland answers or no comments to any question that isn’t: “What was it like working with [insert famous name here]?” and I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to meet someone such as Damon who is willing to engage. His comments, however unwittingly, have triggered an important discussion and that’s a good thing.

Perhaps he wasn’t thinking enough about the consequences of what he was saying. But he answered the question. I like him for that.