But there are some things even the commercials don't tell you. Not necessarily because the side effects are too terrifying (though some are), but simply because some of them sound more like ironic gypsy curses than anything science is capable of.

Most ads for prescription drugs tell you more about the side effects than they do about the intended use. They're basically three solid minutes of soft-focus couples romping in a field to vivid descriptions of diarrhea. It's pretty informative, we have to admit.

6 On-Demand Orgasms

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Clomipramine is an antidepressant prescribed to treat depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. One potential side effect of the drug is decreased sexual ability, but that's nothing new: Pretty much every drug that wasn't expressly designed to cause boners accidentally takes them away.

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So if you take one clomipramine with one Viagra and then flash someone, is that half a sexual offense?

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But it gets way weirder than that. One study relates the experiences of three people taking clomipramine: The first woman wanted to be taken off the drug because every time she yawned, she experienced "irresistible sexual urges." Another woman took it a step further; she had full-blown orgasms whenever she yawned. She could even achieve a real orgasm while faking the yawn -- a fact that throws literally everything we know about women on its head.

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Figuring out what this woman is doing is like a virginity test.

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The last patient, a male, had occasional orgasms when he yawned, but not with any predictability. That's right: Every time he got bored or sleepy, or just saw somebody else yawning, he had to play a perverse game of Russian roulette with his own pants. The medication did help his depression, however, so he chose to continue taking it.