For some, this fixture will bring back memories of April '07, when United were two down, won 4-2, and effectively won the league. For others, Februrary '95, when Duncan Ferguson's second-half winner derailed United's title challenge and later gave Everton confidence to win that season's FA Cup final. Seeing you ask, I always think of Robbie Wackenshaw, rattling one in as the teams drew 1-1 in May 1984. Robbie Wackenshaw.

The reason for this: Video Collection and Thames Video's excellent VHS fitba extravaganza: Race for the Championship 83/84.

Race for the Championship: It was a great video, produced back in the days when the media didn't treat football fans as mypoic tribalistic morons. Liverpool won the title that year, but didn't feature too much - Ian Rush's hat-trick at Aston Villa was the highlight. Instead, the action was spread around the division - with about 30 minutes of the 90-minute show set aside for the promotion chase in the Second Division, featuring Howard Wilkinson's Sheffield Wednesday, the Chelsea of Dixon and Speedie, and a Newcastle team starring Waddle, Keegan and Beardsley, the latter scoring the greatest goal of all time against Brighton. Brian Moore presented. God I miss him.

Anyway, today's game: Gary Neville's playing, pop kids. Gary Neville. Kick off is at 12.45pm.

Everton: Howard, Neville, Heitinga, Distin, Baines, Donovan, Osman, Arteta, Bilyaletdinov, Pienaar, Saha.

Subs: Nash, Yobo, Vaughan, Gosling, Yakubu, Rodwell, Coleman.

Manchester United: Van der Sar, Neville, Brown, Jonathan Evans, Evra, Valencia, Fletcher, Carrick, Park, Rooney, Berbatov.

Subs: Foster, Owen, Vidic, Scholes, Rafael Da Silva, Obertan, Gibson.

Preening, self-regarding, risible referee, just be thankful this pompous clown can't spoil any of England's matches at the World Cup: Howard Webb (S Yorkshire)

The teams line up in the tunnel. "Neville vs Neville. I couldn't BE more excited," writes Damian Wims, who should probably take the couple of minutes before kick-off to have a wee think about the direction his life is heading. The two captains signally fail to exchange glances as they wait to lead their teams onto the pitch, dismally pretending they're unaware of each other's existence. But just as the theme to Z Cars begins to chime over the PA, Gary can't help but steal a quick brotherly glance in Phil's direction, and allow a proud smile to play across his face. Aw!

And we're off! United set the ball rolling, kicking towards the Gwladys Street end in the first half. Everton will be happy enough with that.

2 min: It's a harum-scarum start. Trap it, someone!

4 min: A wonderful run down the right by Osman, who cuts inside, swans past Evans as though he wasn't there, then gives Brown the same treatment, and reaches the area. Finally three red shirts usher him a bit too wide right, and though he gets a low shot in, aimed for the left-hand bottom corner, it's well wide from a far too difficult angle.

6 min: Berbatov wins a corner down the right. Valencia takes, but Heitinga nuts clear in the no-nonsense fashion. "Speaking of Video Collection classics," writes Scott W, "I was wondering if any of your readers could help me track down another lost classic. The video in question is Brian Clough's Greatest Ever England Team where Ol' Big Head assesses a long list of England legends, being as typically unflinching/frank/cruel/self-absorbed in his assessment of the greats as you'd expect (I think he laughs at the idea that Geoff Hurst was a good player). As you can imagine, I'd love to watch it again - though the lessons learnt from my childhood viewings seem to have dimmed with time, I still vaguely recall Cloughie calling Kevin Keegan an 'arrogant bastard'. And, yes, Brian Moore was doing the interview and voice-over."

7 min: United win another corner down the right. Again Valencia takes, Brown getting his head to this one. The attempt's weak, well wide left with no pace, but Everton are going to feel a world of pain eventually if they keep letting United fling balls into the box.

9 min: Donovan flings a long ball into the United box from an Everton free kick out on the left. It's too deep, and Van der Sar comes out to claim easily. Saha stands with the radge on; with the box loaded, that was a terrible delivery. "I always loved the way that United played when Saha was in the team," sighs Nick Marchant, "as his back-to-goal hold up play was perfectly suited their counter attacking style. The fact that he ousted van Nistelrooy from the team says it all. You'd also have to question how Everton's medical team have kept him playing while United's couldn't get him fit for more than a few games at a time. And finally, much as I enjoy watching Everton, I can't work out why they need to wear those blue cardigans over their lovely white shirts." Is that a cardigan? It looks more like the sort of V-neck merino sweater Darren from Bewitched would wear while playing golf with Larry.

13 min: United let a meat-and-potatoes lump forward from Everton to bounce twice in the area. It allows Bilyaletdinov to dig out a cross from the right, forcing Evans to head over the bar. Corner! "Duncan Ferguson's goal in 1995 and his celebratory overhead shirt-twirling as he ran up the touchline reminds me of being in the frankly scary General Smuts pub near Loftus Road just before Everton's game with QPR a month or so later," recalls Gary Naylor with a shudder. "In the huge, windowless back room were masses of Evertonians who were going through the Everton songbook and, on starting the Duncan Ferguson song (to the tune of the camp anthem, "Go West"), hundreds of shirts were swung above now bare torsos. It was a little bit homoerotic, a little bit inspiring and quite a lot terrifying. We won 2-3 with a last minute Hinchcliffe special and I got home in one piece." Yeah, yeah, Naylor. Anyway, what about Robbie Wackenshaw's goal?

14 min: From the corner, Rooney shoves Heitinga in the back as the two go up for a high ball. That's a penalty - except it's not, Howard the Risible Clown adding another chapter to his story, soon to be told in a pop-up book with buttons you can press.

14 min: Saha, presumably livid at the non-penalty decision, unleashes a low, hard shot from 30 yards out, just to the right of goal. It's a screamer, but Van der Sar dives to smother wonderfully well. He's such a good keeper.

16 min: WHAT A SUPERLATIVE FINISH!!! Everton 0-1 Manchester United. Valencia works himself some space down the right and whips in a dangerous low ball. An Everton boot tries to slide it clear, but can only poke it to Berbatov, standing just in front of the spot. He cushions the ball with one touch, then unleashes a screaming shot into the top-right corner, one of those that rushes right round the frame inside the net. That's some strike.

19 min: WHAT A SUPERLATIVE FINISH!!! Everton 1-1 Manchester United. Oh my God. This is something else. What a goal. Evans can't get much on a clearing header, a long ball going down the inside-right channel. Bilyaletdinov takes up the ball 35 yards out, nudges it inside, and skelps a simply majestic strike into the right-hand side of the net. Van der Sar doesn't even bother to move, he knows all is lost.

22 min: Phil Neville sends a terrible cross in from the right. It's far too deep, but instead of letting it sail out of play, Brown heads it back out. Pienaar looks to pick the bouncing ball up on the edge of the area, but is nudged in the back, Rooney-style, by Valencia. That's a free kick, just to the right of the D, for the home side.

23 min: And it's wasted, Pienaar attempting to recreate his heroics from the same spot of the Goodison pitch against Manchester City, but only succeeding in slapping a terrible effort straight into the wall.

25 min: Baines goes after a long ball down the left and whips a dangerous low bouncing ball into the United area. Saha can't connect, but Bilyaletdinov rushes in. However, eight yards out, he can only shin wildly over.

26 min: This is breathless, brilliant stuff. The ball's slipped down the inside-left channel towards the edge of the Everton area, Rooney breaking clear of the Everton back line. He rounds the advancing Howard on the left, but his touch is uncharacteristically heavy, allowing Phil Neville to come back and hustle him off the ball. That's great last-ditch defending, because Rooney's not the sort to cede possession easily, especially with the goal gaping.

28 min: United had been rocking for a few minutes, but they're quickly back into the match now. Rooney having nearly scored a couple of minutes ago, now Park sails in from the left and belts a decent shot towards the bottom left corner. Howard claims well. "I wonder if Brian Moore ever commentated on himself while out driving or doing the shopping," wonders Ian Copestake. I'm glad you've kept it to outdoor solo pursuits, I can tell you that for nothing.

32 min: United have spent the last three or four minutes swinging balls into the Everton box from left and, especially, right. Valencia is enjoying the run of the park. From an Everton perspective, this can't continue, or more goals are surely going to whistle past Howard at some point. Meanwhile here's some tinder-dry analysis of the Bilyaletidinov goal from James Tyler: "I'm surprised more youth teams aren't learning from the master. When Bilyaletidinov brought the ball down, Brown's first instinct was to turn his back, jog back towards goal and watch the shot sail over his shoulder and into the net. Impressive that Brown also managed to block his goalkeeper's view of the shot, leaving him unable to make a move."

34 min: Berbatov attempts a needlessly elaborate backheel, 35 yards out on the right, when bringing it down would have left him in possession with three team-mates in attacking positions across a scattered Everton back line. He was trying to flick it past Distin and spin him in one deft movement, and he was nowhere near making it. He ends up standing still, shoulders slumped, head down, the ball bouncing safely back to Howard in the area, a picture of abject defeat. Even his hapless failures have a strange beauty. I like watching him.

38 min: The ball falls to Donovan in the United six-yard box, as Brown fails to get any meat on his clearance. Again. He neither heads nor kicks it, basically, letting it slap off a combination of chest and forearm (a penalty would have been super-harsh, though there are shouts). Luckily for the hapless United defender, the USA international takes a complete fresh-air swipe with the ball rolling across the six-yard line and the goal gaping. What a chance spurned.

40 min: Now it's Everton's turn to swing balls into the opposition area from this way and that. Despite a lot of determined challenges from Saha and Donovan, the home side can't get any sort of strike on goal, Evans and Brown dealing with every ball - but only just, with a lot of last-ditch challenges and plenty of use of the eyebrow. United's centre-back pairing aren't looking particularly comfortable.

43 min: Valencia and Rooney combine well down the right, and are this close to springing the former clear, 30 yards out. But Rooney sort-of-stands on the ball in an attempt to cushion it into space, and Everton clean up. United aren't quite getting it together, yet there's still that constant threat of them breaking upfield and really getting on Everton's end.

HALF TIME: Everton 1-1 Manchester United. That was a highly entertaining half of football between two teams with attack on their minds. What a pair of goals.

And we - well, they - are off again! Everton are kicking towards their favoured Gwaldys Street end. Osman immediately chases after a long ball down the middle, eventually being brought down by Fletcher before he reaches the area. Brown was ahead of them both, so that's only a yellow. But just outside the D, right in the centre... this is a dangerous free kick for Everton.

48 min: After fannying around for some time, Baines lifts a hilariously bad free kick high into the stand. This happens so often. I'm simple folk, but is it so much to ask for a professional footballer to get a shot at least within 10 metres of the target from 25 yards out?

51 min: It's all Everton in the centre of the park, though they're not putting United's back line under any pressure. That'd be an idea, because it's looking very creaky today. "While the match may be good, it seems it's not going to be the Nevtacular I was hoping for," writes Damian Wims, who has totally ignored my pre-match advice to have a wee think about the direction his life is heading. If anything, he's ramped things up. I fear the Nevilles are never quite going to furnish you with the kicks you are seeking. This is how the seeds of dangerous habits are sown.

52 min: United's first meaningful attack of the half so nearly ends in a goal. Fletcher heads down to Rooney, with his back to goal on the edge of the area. Rooney lays it off back to the Scotland captain, who sends a low, hard, curling effort just wide of the bottom-left corner. Lovely crisp play.

54 min: United look the most likely all of a sudden. Rooney twists and turns on the left, sending a deep cross to the far post. Berbatov is on hand to guide a cushioned header just wide right of goal. An unlucky miss. His head drops momentarily. He's probably dreaming of smoking a fag while listening to Ascenseur Pour L'Echafaud by Miles Davis.

57 min: Donovan snaps into the tackle down the left, and sends a low cross towards Osman, waiting to break into the United area down the inside-right channel. Evans makes a spectacular interception - and a timely one, because Osman would have been clear on goal. Lovely play all round.

61 min: Heitinga Gerrards a raking 50-yard pass upfield towards the left wing for Pienaar. Where does the ball end up? The clue is in the verb.

62 min: Park cuts a ball back from the byline, just to the left of the Everton goal. Rooney flicks the ball onto the bar - and prepares to belt the rebound into an empty net, Howard and Phil Neville having been drawn to the near post, when the whistle goes. The ball had sailed out of play before Park got a boot on it.

63 min: L'EXISTENTIAL PAIN DE DIMITAR BERBATOV. He takes the ball up, 40 yards out, with his back to goal. A deft touch and a turn sends him clear of Arteta and racing towards the box. He drops a shoulder beautifully, cuts inside, advances further on the area, cocks the trigger, and...



... scuffs his shot five feet in front of him, allowing Distin to scoot clear with the ball. Does anyone have a spare Gitanes?

66 min: Arteta is booked for pulling back Park. Falling to the ground is the last act of the match for the Korean, who is replaced by Obertan. Meanwhile Scholes also comes on - and Berbatov goes off to light up and listen to some hard bop, dad.

67 min: Rooney has a right old whack but his low shot sails right of goal.

70 min: Manchester United having hooked off their goalscorer, Everton follow suit by getting rid of Bilyaletdinov and replacing him with advertising legend Dan Gosling.

72 min: Osman, Neville and Gosling combine beautifully down the right, some crisp passing, eventually winning a throw-in right by the corner flag. And then a corner. From it, Donovan wins the ball just to the right of the United area and loops a cross into the centre; Gosling gets his head to it, but can only guide it lamely wide left of the goal.

74 min: Pienaar picks up his daily booking for a risibly obvious wild slash at Evra's ankles, in a failed attempt to stop the left-back romping upfield. When the attack peters out, Webb takes centre stage to flourish the card. He just about stops short of doing a brief soft-shoe shuffle.

76 min: OUT OF NOTHING... A GOAL!!! Everton 2-1 Manchester United. It's so simple when it comes. Pienaar dances down the left, reaches the byline, and pulls the ball back into the centre. Saha misses the ball, but Gosling doesn't, shinning a shot into the bottom-right corner, with Van der Sar once again totally unable to influence events. Unlike ITV, Sky didn't cut to the ads.

77 min: Goodison is rocking. "What's bread got to do with existentialism?" asks Jim Lewis, of our 63rd-minute nod to Franglais and Louis Malle.

79 min: Pienaar once again sails clear down the left. He cuts the balll back again, this time for the onrushing Arteta - who takes a fresh air swipe as Goodison was daydreaming of a purler from the edge of the area arrowing into the top corner.

80 min: Saha takes a shot on goal after the whistle had gone for offside. Webb somersaults in, juggles three flaming batons, tells a few jokes, sings a couple of standards, and completes his show by brandishing a totally needless yellow card.

81 min: With boos that would put Anfield to shame, Goodison greets Michael Owen, who comes on for Valencia.

83 min: A dangerous free kick for United, just to the left of the area, 35 yards out. Carrick's delivery is witless, never likely to beat the first man.

84 min: Carrick now takes a directionless corner, the danger easily cleared. United haven't forced Howard into action at all.

86 min: Gosling, steaming down the right, tries to free Saha with a raking pass into the centre, but hits it too hard and forces the striker wide. That was half a chance to wrap this up for Everton, as United only had two men running back with the Everton pair.

87 min: Osman nudges Rooney off the ball as the United striker races towards the Everton box. That's a free-kick, and a yellow card, for once delivered without fuss by Webb. The ball's placed just to the right of centre, 30 yards out. Rooney steps up and sends the ball curling towards the top-right corner at speed...

88 min: ... but the ball flicks off Distin's head and misses by this much. It's deflected away for a corner, inches past the goalframe.

88 min and a bit: Pienaar is replaced by Rodwell.

90 min: WHAT A GOAL!!! WHAT A SUBSTITUTION!!! Everton 3-1 Manchester United. Rodwell takes the ball up in the centre, just outside the centre circle. He races straight towards goal, sending Brown then Evans backpedalling out of control. Rodwell nudges the ball right once, twice, and then a third time, entering the area then sliding the calmest of shots into the bottom-left corner. That really is a wonderful goal. He's booked for taking his shirt off in celebration. Thank you, my Fifa!

90 min + 1: There will be four added minutes of this, but, y'know.

90 min + 3: Saha scoots after a ball down the centre, but is beaten to it by Van der Sar, who races miles from his area to head clear. Well, if Evans and Brown don't pass muster...

AND THAT'S IT! Everton 3-1 Manchester United. That was a wonderful game, and a deserved win for the home team. That goal from 18-year-old Rodwell... oh me, oh my. One for the video collection, right there.