Disclaimer: this post is purely for amusement & LOLs ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

ISTJ: TRADITIONALIST

- has a fetish for Mon-Fri 9 to 5 jobs + benefits

- traditional AF

- this species is v endangered, please donate

- has had the same goals and dreams since they were a fetus

- productive member of society™

ESTJ: YUPPIE

- working 27/9 on multiple projects, multiple jobs & multiple underlings to command

- getting more stuff done than you’ll ever do in your lifetime

- somehow has a neater desk than you but knows how to party it up when they’re finally off hours

- fav type of party is a networking party

- actually has time and money to Netflix

INTJ: COLLECTORS

- is on all the social medias but almost never posts

- knows all the tings but never really says it

- v secretive

- will low-key become a billionaire overnight for starting a very important company that no one has heard of

ENTJ: YOUR BOSS

- is the only person who actually knows what they’re doing

- started taking on leadership roles since birth (re: shoved the doctor out of the way to cut their own umbilical cord)

- shows love via loud criticism – is only trying to help you help yourself

- so DONEEE with incompetence

ISFJ: MILLENNIAL MOM

- shares so many Facebook posts that fb definitely knows who they voted for/where they shop at/intimate details even they don’t know

- actually writes Amazon reviews (thank you)

- replies to all messages from fam within 30 seconds

- attends annual mom convention just to maintain their status (Level 10 Mom Friend™)

ESFJ: FOODIES

- has multiple social platforms to display their culinary skills (STATUS: black belt)

- charming AF but WILL throw shade if provoked

- hair is goals

- listed on Huffington Post as top 21 Pinterest users to follow

INTP: THE FUTURE™

- obsessed with the possibilities of the future

- topics all INTPs are pre-programmed to get excited about: AI, start-ups, technology, STEM jokes

- may combust when stupid arguments are portrayed as facts

- procrastination level: over 9000

ENTP: BROGRAMMERS

- speaks a foreign language invented by them

- beer parties & philosophical debates are always lit

- pretty WOKE actually

- Nerd™

INFJ: MODERN HIPSTER

- had first quarter life crisis at 15

- your official therapist

- writes self-love/compassion/know-yourself/nostalgia posts for a website

- stares through a window from time to time looking contemplative

ENFJ: GRASSROOTS CHAMPION

- actually has their life together despite repeat quarter life crises

- persuasive AF

- “I do what I want, I don’t need your validation … but also I consider how it affects everyone around me and how I’ll be perceived”

- won Volunteer of the Year award every year for the last 5 years; got promoted to presenting the Volunteer of the Year award instead

ENFP: EXUBERANTS

- lives off of the Likes of friends and random Internet strangers

- needs social validation through an IV drip

- will most likely die of FOMO

- life motto: pics or it didn’t happen

- golden retriever but looks like a person (cute either way)

INFP: UNDEREMPLOYED

- Feelings™

- overqualified for all the jobs but doesn’t know what jobs they actually care enough to apply for

- posts are always either WOKE AF or self-deprecating

- hopes and dreams are on life support

ESTP: WANDERLUST™

- bucket-list longer than Santa’s list

- only has semi-naked pics on Tinder

- knows the most important words in every language (i.e. “what’s your phone number”)

- no honey, don’t call them; yes, they’re definitely seeing other people

ISTP: SHUT OUTs

- self-employed

- will low-key land a steady 6 figure job for being in the right place at the right time

- moonlights as a hand model

- credit card ebills show 20% of income spent on Redbull/coffee

ESFP: YOUTUBE VLOGGER

- EXTRA AF™

- somehow amassed a HUGE following from weekly 10 minute videos about their day

- will fake their death if no one is paying attention to them

- actually really savage

- sparkly

ISFP: PROFESSIONAL SELFIES TAKER

- living embodiment of the word “aesthetic”

- hair/style/make-up/art is goals

- snapchat game is on point

- etsy is only their side hussle

- flower crowns filters