Kanye West Becomes Christian, Immediately Begins Making Mediocre Music

NEW YORK, NY—Kanye West is one of the most respected musical geniuses in secular music. But in accepting Christ, West's musical talents appear to have been curbed.

After his apparent conversion to Christianity, West announced his songs would have the same seven words repeated 11 times and lots of fire and water metaphors. He also says he will be releasing several old hymns with a new chorus added "and maybe a bridge."

"As soon as Jesus came into my heart, I repented from my old ways and committed to a new life in Christ, which means making bad, uncreative music for the rest of my life," West said. "That's the cost of following Jesus."

At first, Christians weren't sure if West's conversion was genuine. But when they heard he was renouncing musical creativity in favor of tepid, uninspired pop songs, they all agreed that this was a sign of true faith and repentance.

"He demoed a new song for me that was just 'Oh Jesus, give me the fire!' repeated 392 times," said one source close to West. "It's pretty clear that he is a Christian artist now for real."

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