I Totally Forgot We Were Supposed to Dismantle Capitalism Today and Now I’m Standing in Line for a Cronut

I feel like such an idiot for forgetting that today was the day we were supposed to dismantle capitalism, but now I’m standing in line for a Cronut.

If I hadn’t already committed three hours of my day to standing in line at the Dominique Ansel Bakery, there is no doubt that I would be right in the middle of the proletarian revolution. It’s just that this month’s Cronut flavor happens to be burnt maple with peach jam and, well, peach is my favorite.

Please don’t take this as me not caring about the liberation of the working class from the drudgery of wage slavery. As you know, there is a two-Cronut-per-customer limit, so, in the spirit of camaraderie, I’ll be buying a second pastry for a complete stranger — who is paying me $18 an hour on Task Rabbit to stand in line.

You don’t have to explain to me that we need to overcome our capitalistic urge to compete with one another and usher in an age of mutual cooperation, but they only make 200 Cronuts a day, so I have to be in line before everyone else if I’m going to get one.

Perhaps it’s worth mentioning the historical connection between bread pastries and revolution. Even the French Revolution began with people, not unlike myself, demanding bread. Come to think of it, didn’t Kropotkin write about conquering bread or something? Even though I forgot to overthrow the bourgeoisie today, I like to think I’m still doing my part to lay the groundwork for revolution.

It would be great if we could schedule another time to establish a classless utopia. Preferably not during the summer blockbuster releases, and definitely not when Apple releases the new iPhone in September.