Me: *Sighs*... It has to be done otherwise I wouldn't call him.

*Picks up phone*

Deadpool: You have reached the sexiest man alive, how may I help you?

Me: Hey Wade, It's...

Deadpool: HEY BUDDY! I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU SINCE PLANKING WAS A THING!!!

Me: *whisper*with good reason*whisper* Yeah it has been a while hasn't it?

Deadpool: Man it's good to hear from you, how've ya been?... You'll know when your done, so stop asking!

Me: What?

Deadpool: Nothin, now what made you call me? Need someone offed?

Me: It's funny you should ask, see theres this asshole named A dam Taurus and he stabbed a friend of mine and amputated another's arm...

Deadpool: Say no more compadre, I am on it! That guy is gonna be one pile of ug-oh- Oh-OOOOOOH YES!

Me: Wade?

Deadpool: Ignore that, just consider the guy dead.

Me: Thanks Wade, I knew I could count on you. But there are a few things you should probably know first.

Deadpool: Like what?

Me: Well first and foremost this guy is a Faunus so this needs to be out of sight so he doesn't become a martyr, that's to good for this guy.

Deadpool: I hear ya, the politics involving Faunus are a nightmare to deal with, even for Mercs.

Me: Lastly it needs to be drawn out and painful, I'm serious Wade make it last more than an hour.

Deadpool: Wow, you really don't like this guy do ya?

Me: No I do not. Oh and if there happens to be a black haired woman with him kill her too, it doesn't have to be as drawn out so undeniably dead works in a pinch, I'll pay extra.

Deadpool: Hey I still owe you for gift wrapping me little Nui here, this ones on the house pal. Hey you aint done yet, three time sure as hell aint enough.

Me: ...uh thanks Wade... you're the best.

Deadpool: You know it, I'll call ya when it's all said and done.

Me: Later Wade*Hangs up* Muuuuuuch later.