(BOOK) 힙합하다: RAP MONSTER (Part 2)



Without my mother knowing, I went to the place called Gangnam for the first time, and there were a lot of cool people there. My head was shaved back then, and I wore a New Era cap and went. At that time, if Bang PD-nim had suggested that I become an idol, of course I wouldn't have done it. Bang PD-nim was planning a group called BTS that wasn't an idol group, but rather a group more like 1tym. He wanted to gather some young people and make a group that could rap. I said that I would do it and went home. I could have hesitated, but I said immediately that I would do it. My father had by nature wanted to do art for a long time, and I'd heard that due to my grandmother's opposition he was forced to study instead. Perhaps because he remembered that time, he didn't oppose my choice very strongly, but my mother dissuaded me. Furthermore, just at that time, I received a result on a mock test that was in the top 1% of the nation. To me, it was a very dramatic moment in its own way. I remember that my mother asked me why I was willing to choose such an uncertain road when I was this good at studying.





th in the nation, but that this company says I have a lot of talent, and no matter how well I study I'll always be 5000th, but that this person of repute says I could be #1 through rap. I asked, "Mom, would you rather have a son who's 1st, or a son who's 5000th?" and she gave her permission. I hadn't had an opportunity to show them the music or lyrics that I'd written up until that time. So it seemed like they didn't believe in me. At this time—since I had to study too—I wrote lyrics by slipping a piece of paper into my study book and writing secretly, and got scolded when I was caught. My mother saw that displeased look often, and when I think about it now, the words that I said to my mother were really cheesy. I said that my grades were 5000in the nation, but that this company says I have a lot of talent, and no matter how well I study I'll always be 5000, but that this person of repute says I could be #1 through rap. I asked, "Mom, would you rather have a son who's 1, or a son who's 5000?" and she gave her permission.





After living for a while by commuting to Gangnam for my trainee life, after a few months I moved to the dormitory. From that time onward, I continuously lived in Gangnam. While living in Gangnam I saw a lot of good things and saw a lot of interesting people. I was a trainee for around 3 years. During those 3 years, the music market changed and what Bang PD-nim wanted to do changed too, and I ended up dancing and became an idol who performs. At the time, it gave me a lot of stress, and it was very difficult in that I felt like I was living a counterfeit life. Because what I wanted to do wasn't this… but the reason that I remained to the end nonetheless is because Bang PD-nim told me that he would allow me to keep making music. He said that he would let me make music that I had written, not music that others had written, so I couldn't run away. I did try to run away once, but in only 3 hours I was convinced and came back. (laugh)





Because those 3 years that I spent as a trainee are were a precious time to me, I remained at the company and debuted as part of BTS. I released a mixtape last year, and now it's been exactly 1 year since then. I'm sure all musicians are like this, but although at the time I released the mixtape with a lot of conviction and confidence, now when I look back at that 1 year, there are a lot of embarrassing things and a lot of regretful things. I thought that I had to release a mixtape even before debut, but for those 2 years after we debuted I was too busy. I don't think I'd ever lived that intensely before. And only at that time did I realize that I could live that intensely.





The entirety of my work on the mixtape took around four or five months. When we were resting for a while, I worked on it and released it. Because it was a mixtape, I worked and released it without any huge burdens. I chose songs that I liked, and included a lot of topics that I had been thinking about at various times. I wrote a lot about the anger and rage that I had been carrying, but when I look at it now, they aren't songs that are 100% under my sovereignty and there are a lot of really immature parts as well. Even though it's only 1 year ago, I was so young. The company gave me the autonomy to do most of it how I wanted to do it, but since it was the first time, I think I did it without a big picture in mind. I had confidence at the time, but since time has passed it seems like I've grown again as a person. The really interesting thing is, my mixtape was included as #48 on SPIN Magazine's 'The 50 Best Hip-Hop Albums of 2015' list. I also received some attention from DJ Booth. At any rate, I was very happy with and thankful for the fact that there were people who paid attention to my music as it moved past the language barrier. It was a good experience, and I want it to at least leave some meaning, to the extent of letting the people who like me carry some conviction towards me.





I'm working on my second mixtape now, and it seems like I've reached a limit. I thought that using songs that others had given was a limit on my own storytelling, so these days, with a heart that's traveled back to 2007, I've started beat-making. This time, when I put out my mixtape, I want it to be something that I worked on by myself. To be honest, my trainee days are my dark ages. Zico hyung said something like this to me. That he was practicing producing a lot. At the time I thought that a rapper only had to be able to rap well. And producing was too much like engineering, I lacked the knowledge and didn't like the machinery so I really disliked it. I learned for about a month and then quit. I feel the need acutely now, of the thirsty man who sold his well.* Thankfully because I've listened to music for so long, I have a feeling, but I don't know the reality of it, so I'm suffering. If I'd only lived a little more on the producing side during my trainee days, I think this would be much easier. Even so, since I rested so much at that time, that's something that comforts me now. I'm working with those thoughts in mind.





Ever since I was young, I liked standing in front of others and receiving their attention. However, I can't grab that attention through my showmanship. I'm more of the style who makes things one by one and labors at them and then carefully shows them. Because of this, there are times when I feel distanced from my name. I have a love-hate relationship with this name. I don't have this name because I have some incredible value. The hot song when I was a trainee was San E hyung's "Rap Genius." In that song, there's a part that says "call me rap monster, cuz I rap non-stop." Those words leave a big impression. I took that part and wrote it into the lyrics of a song that I was working on for myself, but it became muted at some strange location so only the 'rap monster' part came out. Maybe because the company thought it was funny, they started to call me that to tease me. After that, before our debut the discussion of our stage names came up, and that became mine. People commonly misunderstand that I'm Rap Monster because I rap like a monster. (laugh) But in reality, it naturally became my name because of the wording in a song that I wrote, and that was because of the inspiration I received from San E hyung's song.





* a common phrase meaning that if you don't prepare ahead of time, you'll find yourself scrambling to figure things out later.