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(Ed. Note: As the Stanley Cup Playoffs continue, we’re bound to lose some friends along the journey. We’ve asked for these losers, gone but not forgotten, to be eulogized by the people who knew the teams best: The bloggers and fans who hated them the most. Here are the Boston Bruins bloggers from Days Of Y’Orr, fondly recalling the Montreal Canadiens.)

(Again, this was not written by us. Also: This is a roast and you will be offended by it, so don’t take it so seriously.)

By Days Of Y’Orr

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, gather around, for we have come to tell you a tale.

A tale of the most hated hockey franchise to ever grace frozen water and how they once again met their demise.

A tale of intrigue, astonishment and that weird bewildered-white-guy gif that’s all over Twitter.

Welcome to the eulogy of the Montreal Canadiens.

Here lie the 2009 Boston Bruins, or rather, Marc Bergevin’s attempt to recreate them like an underperforming Frankenstein’s monster with character issues.

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If there’s anyone for Canadiens fans to be mad at, and the rest of the NHL to throw a parade for, it is the Canadiens GM.

Bergevin stated on June 23, 2016: “I never shopped PK [Subban]. I never have, I’m not now. But I can’t stop teams from calling” then much like the team he put together, quickly flopped on his position and traded the All-Star defenseman to Nashville for a player with so many miles on him, he’s the NHL equivalent of Sasha Grey.

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It’s hard to rip on Shea Weber.

Sure, it was his worst offensive year since the 2007-2008 season (lockout season notwithstanding). Sure, it was his lowest average time on ice since the 2009-2010 season. And sure, it was his lowest shot totals since the 2012-2013 season. Oh and quadruple sure, he’s on the wrong side of 30.

But…but…where were we going with this? Was it that when his contract finishes he’ll be 40? Was it that PK Subban had 2 points less than Weber and played 12 less games? Was it that PK will only be 32 at the end of his contract?

We just can’t remember.

That wasn’t all Bergevin accomplished though. Instead of adding speed and skill to combat the Torontos and Ottawas, Bergevin went the complete opposite and signed Andrew Shaw to a 6-year, 23.4M contract with the Montreal Canadiens.

Apparently this is the going rate for slagtrash NHL players that haven’t scored more than 20 goals in a season, are seedier than a Donald Trump sex romp in Russia (allegedly), call referees homophobic slurs and smell like the dumping grounds of a Kayem hot dog factory.

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