Predictions for 2018: Our hunches and wild guesses for the New Year

Our 2017 was a mix of highs, lows, nasty confrontations, blessed events, controversial protests and, for Astros fans, a thrilling World Series.

Will 2018 be better, worse, or deja vu, all over again?

We consulted our crystal ball, sorted through some soggy tea leaves and tossed in a few wild guesses.

Here’s what we came up with:

January

After helping to ring in the New Year on “Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve,” pop star Britney Spears will begin actively campaigning for a role in the upcoming television adaptation of “Jesus Christ Superstar,” alongside John Legend and Alice Cooper.

As Spears will explain, “I really wanna play one of the epistles.”

Newly discovered documents will confirm the shocking news that, in the early days of his 1788 presidential campaign, George Washington colluded with the Prussians.

During a photo shoot and interview with Better Homes and Gardens, Kayla Moore, the wife of unsuccessful Senate candidate Roy Moore, will give a tour of the couple’s beautifully landscaped Alabama garden and note, “One of our magnolia trees is a yew.”

February

Justin Timberlake will do his best to present a “family-friendly” half-time show at Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis. Because of his role in the shocking 2004 “wardrobe malfunction” incident with Janet Jackson at Super Bowl XXXVIII, Timberlake will agree to limit the show to his four biggest hits: “SexyBack,” “Can’t Stop the Feeling,” “My Love” and “My **** in a Box.”

After confirming long-standing suspicions that aliens from outer space have been visiting us for decades, President Trump will promise to prevent any more UFOs from entering the Earth’s atmosphere. He will also vow to “take names” of other planets that don’t support him on this decision.

The third and final installment of the “Fifty Shades” films, “Fifty Shades Freed,” will open in theaters on February 9, so that single women will have someplace to go with their girlfriends on Valentine’s Day. But don’t expect cast members to look any older than they did in last year’s “Fifty Shades Darker.” That’s because, according to sources, the two sequels were filmed back to back, with their ankles tied together.

The reality show competition “Survivor” will begin its 36th season on Feb. 28. Set on one of the Mamanuca Islands of Fiji, this edition, the follow-up to last year’s “Survivor: Heroes, Healers and Hustlers,” will be called, “Survivor: Yes, We’re Still On.”

In the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal, sweeping changes will begin to occur in the movie industry. Among them: All older actors, producers and directors will have to cheat on their wives with women their own age.

March

The 90th Academy Awards will be held at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles and be hosted by comedian Jimmy Kimmel. In a nod to the show's anniversary year, the show's running time will be trimmed to 90 hours and 90 minutes.

Also: only the first 90 celebrities who died in 2016 will make it into the “In Memoriam” segment, which will feature Adele singing a reworked version of “Hello," called "Goodbye."

Among the evening’s other highlights: Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty will return as presenters, one year after their “La La Land” debacle, and announce that the Best Actress winner is Marlon Brando.

April

Two years after he was accused of plagiarizing Marvin Gaye's "Got To Give It Up" on his own monster hit "Blurred Lines" and fined more than $7 million, singer Robin Thicke will tell an interviewer on the E! network, that he will "definitely" win on appeal in August. Asked how he knows this, Thicke will say, "I heard it through the grapevine.”

Sick and tired of dying threes, celebrities will start dying in, twos, fours and fives.

May

Conservative columnist and blogger Meghan McCain will announce that she is leaving her chair on “The View.”

McCain will cite complaints from fans of the show who said she wasn’t “as conservative as Elizabeth Hasselbeck was, wasn't as animated as Jedediah Bila was and wasn't as… whatever the hell Jenny McCarthy was.”

Actress Nicole Kidman and Food Network chef Giada DeLaurentiis will return to the “Ellen” show, one year after DeLaurentiis made a pizza that was so awful, Kidman refused to eat it. (Kidman removed a piece from her mouth and proclaimed, “It’s a little tough.”)

This time around, DeLaurentiis will show host Ellen DeGeneres how to order a take-out pizza. And Kidman — after mistakenly eating the box — will announce, “This is much better than the one you made last year!”

June

Hillary Clinton will say she is “absolutely, positively, most probably” not running again for president in 2020, in an interview conducted at Hillary 2020 headquarters in Manhattan.

The U.S. Postal Service will announce the creation of a Chris Christie postage stamp. Due in the fall, the stamp will feature the former Governor of New Jersey sitting on a beach chair in the middle of the George Washington Bridge yelling at people during a hurricane.

July

The Primetime Emmy Awards committee will announce that Caitlyn Jenner, who kept a relatively low profile during the second half of 2017, will receive a special Emmy for keeping a relatively low profile during the second half of 2017. The awards will be presented at the televised Emmy ceremony in September and Jenner will be asked not to attend.

Pre-production will begin on the ninth installment of the “Star Wars” saga. Budgeted at $225 million, the action-packed follow-up to “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” will be called, “Star Wars: Oops, We Found Another Jedi.”

August

Nothing happens in August.

September

Julio Iglesias will celebrate his 75th birthday with the release of a new album, “Todavia Tengo Buenos Dientes.” (Translated: “I Still Have Good Teeth.”)

In a magazine interview, onetime presidential candidate Mitt Romney will tell reporters that he might run again and that, contrary to rumors, he is definitely not irrelevant or out of touch.

As proof of this, Romney will say, he is going to “open an AOL account, make an awesome rap-and-roll record and try to land a guest appearance on ‘Seinfeld.'"

October

Jose Feliciano will appear on “The Tonight Show” to mark the 50th anniversary of his slow, jazz-tinged performance of “The Star-Spangled Banner” during the opening ceremonies of Game 5 of the 1968 World Series in Detroit. His rendition outraged many players and fans and was called “an insult to the National Anthem.” On the anniversary, Feliciano will reprise that performance and also sing a slow, jazz-tinged version of “Who’s Sorry Now?”

In the season opener of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” Kim will stop a bitter argument between Klohe and Kendall by offering Kendall a Pepsi.

November

President Trump will tell reporters why he refused to be People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive.”

A Hackensack woman will defy the odds, winning the lottery, being kidnapped by terrorists and getting hit by an asteroid.

December

That magical governess Mary Poppins will return in, yes, “Mary Poppins Returns” to help the now-grown-up Banks children, Jane and Michael, reconnect with their own kids.

Emily Blunt (“The Devil Wears Prada”) will take on the role originated by Julie Andrews. The new film’s cast will include Lin-Manuel Miranda, Colin Firth, Meryl Streep and, in a small role, Dick Van Dyke. The comic actor, who played Bert the chimney sweep in the 1964 original, ended that film by telling Mary not to stay away too long. Van Dyke, now 92, will end this film by saying, “I really mean it this time!”

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