Objective 6, Book 4b

I have seen this older gentlemen at the center a few times, working out in the outside gym. However, today he has a whip. I am talking about a full on Indiana Jones style whip. He is slapping the concrete around the pool with it and screaming out, “Hoorah!” I think he must have been military. Probably, the marines. He has one eye that is crossed, or lazy. I wonder if he was injured in the military. I am sitting at the smoking table with a few friends.

“Who is that?” I ask under my breath.

“That’s Edward,” Ryan answers. “You haven’t met Edward?”

“No. I have seen him a few times, but why the fuck does he have a whip?” I ask through laughter.

“He’s a bad mother fucker,” Ryan responds.

“I think he is a Hell’s Angel,” MJ suggests.

“Really? Why is he at the center though? I mean, is he a former student or an instructor?” I ask.

“He like runs this whole place. He owns all of the student houses,” MJ answers.

“He is with Yelena,” Keisha adds.

“What? Are you serious?” I laugh.

Yelena is this tall, beautiful, thin woman. She has blonde hair and perfect teeth. She looks high class. Her clothes and car suggests she likes and has nice things. Her and Emma Chadwick are best friends. They both have toddlers around the same age. I haven’t really spoken to Yelena because she isn’t here very often, and when she is, she is in the Reg office.

“You didn’t know that?” Ryan asks. “My boy Edward is pimpin to be able to pull that dime.”

A “dime”, in modern slang terms refers to her being a ten, or super hot chick. The term “pimpin,” doesn’t suggest that Yelena is a prostitute. It simply infers that he has skills to be able to get Yelena to go out with him. It’s not that Edward is unattractive, but there is a noticeable age difference. It surprises me that they are a couple because like Emma Chadwick, Yelena is one of those, “prettiest girls you ever meet in real life,” kind of girls.

I am still crushing on Ryan. Even when I am having the worst day, his energy always makes me feel better. I know he is way too young for me to be obsessing over, but these feelings aren’t going away. It’s purely a physical attraction. However, I feel a real connection with Brian. He has always defended me and known exactly what to say to calm me down or encourage me to keep pushing through this program. However, he has a family he is trying to reconcile back home and we have discussed that several times. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that, and despite having a mutual attraction, neither does he.

It feels like everyone is paired up here. The entire staff is paired up, except Wiggles. Most of the students have a 2D flow going with someone. I feel pretty lonely. I have had opportunity to hook up with a few guys, but that’s not really what I want. It’s difficult to fight my tendency for codependency. I think all drugs addicts battle that pitfall. Being around Christmas, makes being here, all the more lonely.

It is time to get back to the Objectives course room for round two of this bizarre exercise. We load onto the van and make our way back to the place I now refer to as, “hell.”

“Are you ready for this?” I ask Buster.

“Let’s do it,” he agrees.

We both take our seats facing the course room.

“Look around here and tell me what you could have?” I command.

“That chair,” he replies.

“Good,” I acknowledge. “Look around here and tell me what you could have?”

“That clipboard,” he responds.

“Good,” I acknowledge. “Look around here and tell me what you could have?”

“I have a cog,” he suggests.

“I realize that I can have anything and everything that I want,” he cogs.

“Good,” I acknowledge.

“Look around here and tell me what you would permit to remain in place?” I command.

“That water cooler,” he responds.

“Good,” I acknowledge. “Look around here and tell me what you would permit to remain in place?”

“That Heroin Hound,” he laughs.

“Good,” I acknowledge.

“Look around here and tell me with what you could dispense?” I command.

“That desk,” he responds.

“Good,” I acknowledge. “Look around here and tell me with what you could dispense?”

“I have a cog,” he suggests.

“I realize that I have the ability to choose what remains in my life and what I let go of,” he cogs.

“Good,” I acknowledge.

We run the rest of our session. Buster makes up several realizations, in hopes that he will EP this Objective. The 3 o’clock break proves unfruitful. Buster did not get the alleged pill shipment. The rest of the day is like any other. I run him on Objective 6, we have dinner and finally, we load onto the vans and go to the houses.

A lot has changed at the Ginger House. Victoria is an intern and has moved to the Top House, along with Coco and Chanel. Boston and Violet are interns here now. It’s crazy to have 18 and 19 year old interns responsible for enforcing the rules at the house. Tess Jetman is our house mom, but she is gone a lot with her boyfriend Stormy. When she is home, she chills out in her room. Hayden, Misty and Justice are here now. For the most part, I am content just chilling in my room with Keisha. I love when Hayden comes in and hangs with us too, but I am tired of hearing Misty talk about Adam Moon. Justice and I are in a love/hate relationship right now. I think we are just too alike. I feel like there is a split in the house and that sucks, but I am so tired all of the time that I don’t want to hang out in the living room. It’s weird, I like Justice by herself and Misty by herself, but when they are together the dynamic changes.

Misty and Justice are in the laundry room when suddenly Hayden brings attention to the fact that they are whispering among each other.

“I like to whisper too,” Hayden whispers loudly.

That line is from the movie Elf and both Keisha and I burst into laughter. Hayden comes into our room and begins frantically moving her arms. I am not sure what just happened but Hayden makes no attempt to whisper about what she believes just went down.

“They are in there whispering about me! So I told them that I like to whisper too,” she says in a huff.

Both Justice and Misty want to explain that they were not whispering about her, but she doesn’t believe them. Both Keisha and I have no idea if they were in fact whispering about her because we were already in our room. Hayden also has a tendency to be paranoid at times. I love her to death, but she admits to her paranoia openly.

Hayden shuts the door to the room and wants to hang out with us for the night. We are totally on board.

“Lets watch Elf,” Keisha suggests.

We all burst into a fit of laughter, but agree to watching that movie rather than our usual, Bridesmaids.

“I’ll put it in,” I state while hopping up.

“I’ll get the Oreos!” Keisha exclaims.

“Oh great, I’ll go out into bitchfest and fetch the milk,” Hayden shouts loud enough for them to hear through the door, before getting up to grab the milk.

I love this movie. It is one of my favorite Christmas movies. I always cry at the ending, no matter how many times I watch it. Something about them all singing together to reignite the Christmas spirit, kills me every time. I tend to be overly sensitive when it comes to movies. It’s something Keisha has laughed at me for, a couple of times now. Keisha’s favorite scene is when Buddy is heading to New York and saying goodbye to all the animals at the north pole. Something that resembles a whale with a unicorn horn pops out of the water and says, “Bye Buddy, hope you find your dad.”

Knowing this, I look at her and she looks at me and together we say, “Bye buddy, hope you find your dad.” The three of us laugh. We spend the night talking shit about the program, other students that drive us nuts, our crushes and in between, we recite our favorite lines of the movie as it plays in the background. I love these girls. They both feel like family. They are like sisters to me and I feel blessed that I have both of them to help me laugh and forget about where I am and how far away I am from my family. Especially, at Christmas time. The one thing I can say about Narconon is that there really is a sense of fellowship and family here. These are people that will always have an unspoken connection with me later in life. I think it’s because we survive the crazy together….

Today’s Theme Song- Santa Claus is Coming to Town- Elf

Sign up by email or follow me on Twitter, Reddit and Facebook for updates of continued posts in this series.. **If you are a former student of Narconon that didn’t go through the program with me, or a family member of one of my Narconon friends and have discovered this series though my friends sharing it on their pages and want to add me on my personal Facebook page so you don’t miss a post to the series, feel free! Shoot me a message, so I know who you are!**

News:

FBI agent shot, 4 arrested in Detroit heroin raids

Painkillers, heroin drive surge in US overdose deaths

**DISCLAIMER: This is my personal experience at a Narconon Rehabilitation Center. This is not an expose or journalistic documentation. It is not meant to bash the program in any way, or suggest that it is the only rehab facility that works for recovery. I have been clean and sober since 09-27-13 and attribute much of that success to this program. All of the names in this series have been changed to protect the identity of my friends and sober family’s privacy! Thank you for reading!**