Nobody seems to bat an eye anymore when the President of the United States appears on the television screen spouting unintelligible nonsense about how many handsome generals he had in a room full of "computer boards." It is now just a fact of life that the World's Most Powerful Man will go waltzing down one of the winding corridors of his addled mind, his assembled Cabinet members nodding along to assure him his new clothes look just as magnificent as they feel. It's like leaves in the gutter in autumn, except it's Fox News in a brain that's never more than glanced at a book. And, of course, nobody dares get up on the ladder to clean it out.



So it was on Wednesday, the second day of the Year of Our Lord 2019, when Donald Trump, American president, held a televised meeting of his Cabinet. This was the moment we learned the president was once in The Greatest Room with The Strongest Generals, who apparently also have The Strongest Jawlines.

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TRUMP: "I had a meeting at the Pentagon with lots of generals. They were like from a movie. Better looking than Tom Cruise, & stronger. And I had more generals than I've ever seen, & we were at the bottom of this incredible room. I said, 'this is greatest room I've ever seen.'" pic.twitter.com/fTpgDXVso8 — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 2, 2019

Remember when he was talking about Iran? That was at least 1.5 Presidential Rants ago. Now we're on to a Top Gun sequel where Maverick goes rogue to get the U.S. out of a ground war in Mesopotamia.

But El Jefe was not content to do some screenwriting off the top. He's also a freestyle historian:

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Trump: "Russia used to be the Soviet Union. Afghanistan made it Russia because they went bankrupt fighting in Afghanistan. Russia."



Trump then goes on to endorse the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. Via Fox. pic.twitter.com/oE0fuDLXyz — Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) January 2, 2019

Needless to say, this is an alternative history of Afghanistan—and, for that matter, the collapse of the Soviet Union. The real question is where our fearless leader got it in his head to endorse the Soviet invasion of 1979. It seems unlikely that the issue came up on Fox & Friends, and we can of course rule out that he read it in a book. To whom might he have spoken that would be eager to rewrite the history of Soviet foreign interventionism? Did this bubble up from the memory hole, a long-forgotten nugget from a conversation at Studio 54 in 1987? Or is it the product of a more recent long-distance phone call?

There was no time to linger on that, however. We had to get to a discussion of the Big, Beautiful Health and Wellness Wall.



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Trump frames the border wall as being about "health and wellness": "The $5.6 billion is a small number. It's one month in Afghanistan. We're talking about national security. This isn't just the border. This is national security. This is health and wellness. This is everything." pic.twitter.com/GwpEtGSo30 — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 2, 2019

Elsewhere, Trump suggested if you're against The Wall, then you must be against the Vatican, because the Vatican has a Wall. Apparently, this was his strategy while negotiating with Nancy Pelosi, a Catholic. Never mind that The Wall will not stop illegal immigration or the flow of drugs. We need one!

But more to the point, there's the idea $5.6 billion is a small number. (It certainly is small compared to the $275 billion number Trump completely fabricated for how much we "lose" to illegal immigration each year.) This is true, as the president points out, when it comes to military budgets—which are now overseen by an acting Secretary of Defense with no military or foreign policy experience, but who formerly worked for a defense contractor. This slightly-too-on-the-nose illustration of the military-industrial complex is sure to keep costs down. But cost comparisons are actually one of the most compelling arguments against The Wall. How many textbooks would $5.6 billion buy? How many houses for homeless veterans of our endless wars in the Middle East? Why would we waste it on something that won't work, but is, in fact, a giant monument to white supremacy?

But we're moving on again. Having suggested oil prices are down because he "called up some of the OPEC people," the president took a moment to honor the sacrifice made over the holidays by Donald Trump.

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TRUMP on his lonely holidays at the White House: "I was here on Christmas evening, I was all by myself in the White House. That's a big, big house. Except for all the guys out on the lawn with machine guns... I was hoping that maybe somebody would come back and negotiate." pic.twitter.com/cHDlHgbyMi — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 2, 2019

This helpfully omits the small detail that Trump single-handedly caused the shutdown. Once upon a time, he happily took the blame for the shutdown, and pledged not to blame the Democrats. (The president's word, you will be shocked to learn, is not bond.) Congress had a funding bill it was ready to pass, but right-wing bloviators on Fox News and talk radio blasted Trump for failing to secure Wall funding in the deal, so he shut down the government. Why would anyone feel bad for him having to spend Christmas at the White House—dismissed here as equivalent to a ranch house in the Nevada desert—because his main policy advisers are Rush Limbaugh and Laura Ingraham?

Ah, here's the acting attorney general to explain.

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Acting AG Whitaker kisses up to Trump for staying in DC over holidays: "Sir, Mr President, I will start by highlighting the fact you stayed in DC over the holidays, giving up Christmas w/your family, New Year's w/your family... you have demonstrated your dedication to delivering" pic.twitter.com/9Lo2pMocgN — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 2, 2019

What the hell is going on here? This is reminiscent of the Cabinet meeting where the ministers had to go around the room and explain what a blessing from God it was to work for Donald Trump, American president. Now we've got the former Big Dick Toilet Salesman, who's supposed to be overseeing an independent Justice Department investigation into the president and his associates, lavishing him with praise because he stayed in Washington to angrily tweet at Democrats, instead of angrily tweeting at them from Mar-a-Lago.

And this is the really horrifying part. Fully grown adult human beings are pretending that the man sitting across from them, his arms crossed in toddler's defiance, ranting about the beautiful letter he got from the North Korean dictator with a ludicrously dumb Game of Thrones knockoff poster on the table in front of him, is not just a Normal President, but an uncommonly sage and courageous one. The White House press corps asks him about his Syria policy, or challenges him on his hypocrisies, as if he believes in the concept of objective reality or has even read his briefing reports. Far too many people are still approaching this as if we have a president and he just happens to be a bit eccentric.

It's enough to make you wonder, as members of his administration and major national newspaper editorial boards praise the new fascist leader of Brazil, what else we might find it in ourselves to accept.



Jack Holmes Politics Editor Jack Holmes is the Politics Editor at Esquire, where he writes daily and edits the Politics Blog with Charles P Pierce.

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