The hashtag #NotYourAsianSidekick erupted over Twitter this week, started by freelance writer Suey Park in support of Asian American feminism. In one of her tweets, she says that she started the movement because she is "tired of the patriarchy in Asian American spaces and sick of the racism in white feminism".

I get it. After my last time in Seoul, I decided I would never go back – barring deportation or a major crisis. When I was there this spring, my uncle and I got into a huge fight over our clashing values. As an Asian man who grew up in post-second world war South Korea, he has immensely patriarchal values, whereas I'm an Asian American woman who believes anyone supporting women's rights is a feminist. The argument erupted when I dared question his decision in front of relatives – I had merely pointed out a faster route we could take. The issue wasn't that I knew a better alternative, but that I had even pointed something out in the first place, in front of other people. The cherry on top was that I was a woman contradicting a man.

Both of Suey Park's reasons for starting the movement are real and part of a two-fold process: patriarchy creates a non-supportive environment for Asian American women at home; that makes it even harder for them to overcome the second, the discrimination in the public sphere.

The process for Asian American women is especially difficult when they attempt to break into the most public of spaces: entertainment. As a TV producer and model in Los Angeles, I've been luckier than most people my age in the same world. However, it's still not the easiest thing for young Asian Americans who choose careers without graduate degrees, not only because of parents who are opposed to it, but because the road to them is cluttered with stereotyped expectations from all sides.

There are people in the Hollywood crowd who make jokes that are meant to be funny or compliment me. The standout was when an acquaintance exclaimed in response to my outbursts:

Asian girls are supposed to be quiet and obedient!



It was meant to be a good-natured joke. And it wasn't coming from an executive or casting director or anyone who would otherwise give me a job in the industry.

But these reasons are all beside the point, because at the end of the day, it's the same kind of marginalizing sentiment coming at Asian American women from home, from social settings, and from the workplace. It's harder than you'd think to find an environment that appreciates and rewards women – not just Asian American women – with a smart-ass, boisterous, and otherwise unreserved personality.

The core issue with this sentiment is that it's coming from a good place, as strange as it sounds. People often express it a combination of respect, admiration, patronization, and humor. It's what causes so much confusion among well-meaning people who go around with the expectation that Asian American women are subservient (sex) workers, and then have the startling realization that many not only fall outside of this stereotype, but are offended by it.

It creates a dissonance where anyone falling outside of this expectation is viewed as a black sheep, a deviant – as tends to happen when a well-intentioned sentiment is taken in an unintended way.

At a model casting for a hair salon in LA, one of the casting agents told me that they already had an "exotic" look in the book and so they wouldn't be needing anymore. I gave him a look and exchanged a been-there-done-that eyebrow rise with another Asian American model behind me, to which the agent responded with a confused expression; then I left.

That is how many such exchanges go. I get frustrated because people in this day and age, in a liberal city, still don't get why an "exotic" Asian doesn't make sense in mixed-race America. It's not just an issue that exists in the US, though, as my experience in Seoul showed me. The putdown of people who are viewed as different is a constant theme throughout history and throughout cultures, and it needs to change for the sake of a healthier society and more enriched world.

The hashtag campaign opened the gates that could only be opened by the people experiencing this themselves. There are already many, many important issues in feminism, so that the only way to be heard is to elbow in and make room for yourself, which is what #NotYourAsianSidekick has started to do.

It's a civil rights movement for Asian American women. The more that the mainstream sees and hears voices that fall outside the mould, the better things will be.