Had a word with the cook yesterday...been noticing something and thought, better do the audit sooner rather than later. But I am still puzzling over the cook’s response.As I explained today to my team of auditors over lunch – the TV was switched to parliamentary proceedings but, of course, as constitutional authorities, we did not comment about what’s happening – I had asked the cook how he buys veggies…and he had said, from the vegetable cart-wallah mostly.But do you make sure many cart-wallahs quote their prices and you buy, say, the bhindi after competitive bidding... that way you get the best price and the household exchequer doesn’t suffer losses...I had explained.My auditors all agreed that’s the proper procedure and they were shocked…absolutely shocked...when I told them the cook had not only told me he simply goes to the nearest cart-wallah, but it’s most often the same cart-wallah.One of my auditors said… and he’s so right...Sir, but that means your household exchequer is vulnerable to your becoming a captive bhindi buyer. Yes , exactly, and that’s why I gave the cook an estimate of losses – Rs 186 per week, on average, if he continues like this.But as I told my top team, the cook, later in the day, came and told me, Saab, your loss figure was an interim estimate... I have calculated the cost of my arranging a local auction of bhindi to get the best price and the final loss estimate is just 10% of your interim estimate...it’s Rs 18.6 per week...and then he offered to reimburse the household exchequer from his salary.Of course, that violates procedure and I told him so…but he said, it’s either that or no dinner…he actually told me, you can either have the best possible price or have a good dinner...The cook also told me he’s checked with other VICs (this apparently stands for Very Important Cooks, who work for VIPs) who prepare meals for ministers and industrialists, and those VICs don’t go for competitive bidding to get the best bhindi price.As a constitutional authority, I refrained from comment… but in this diary I can say…well, what else would you expect…those VIPs are probably saying the loss from captive bhindi is just notional.No one understands what we do, oh dear…but one must not lose heart. Especially because we have a secret plan to change the way we present our reports…I am excited! One of my really clever team members told me today... Sir, I have researched how the media looks at our reports and it’s clear journalists are only interested in the overall loss figure. I asked him how he can be so sure. He said he’s checked with some reporters and editors he knows well and they have assured him hardly anyone reads our full reports.How disappointing, I had thought, but my junior told me that’s the way it is and he said it’s easier for GoI to privatise coal mining than for journalists to start reading reports in full.And he has a brilliant idea! We, CAG , will go on Twitter. I am thinking @coolCAG as the Twitter handle. That, I think will get the 18-25 population cohort to realise there’s something called CAG. And we will just post the overall loss figure for whatever we are auditing on Twitter…no long reports! My clever junior told me the media will be delighted.But I hope they don’t block our Twitter account, my junior said. Who, I asked him. He just looked at the TV, which was showing a government press conference.Ah...anyway, time for dinner... those bhindis...