In the Pew study, as reported by Pullen and others, women experience the brunt of this pain most. However, this is derived from the table on the left which shrinks the picture only on those 18–24 as it is said they are more likely to experience harassment.

Once you look at everyone, men experience harassment online more often in the forms of being called offensive names, being purposefully embarrassed, being physically threatened, and being harassed for a sustain amount of time. Women experience more stalking and sexual harassment. The largest area of harassment also has the largest gender gap.

Keep in mind that the most prevalent forms of online harassment are, in fact, being called offensive names and being purposefully embarrassed. Both men and women experience this, but men tend to experience it more often.

The reason for the skew for 18–24 year olds is that that users 18–24 spend more time on social networking where they experience a majority of their harassment. Note as well that those 30–49 experience quite a bit of harassment online through social media and personal e-mail. Where they fall off is online gaming which is actually one of the least active areas of harassment for every age group but 18–29 year olds.

Where do men and women both go and then report most of the harassment they experience?

Of those who reported being harassed, both men and women experience a majority of their harassment through social media.

Men, however, experience harassment much more pervasively than women. Women, by and large, experience a plurality of their harassment on social media.

This means that men are more likely to experience harassment in multiple contexts.

Quite interestingly, one of the most polarized “neighborhoods” or cultural areas is video gaming. However, this is the area where, according to the graph above, the least amount of harassment is taking place for both genders.

It would appear that the message that video games are a “boys club” full of misogynists who hate women is unfounded. Social media, which 75% feel is welcoming to everyone, is actually the most prevalent site for harassment for everyone.

It would appear that video gaming is actually more welcoming to women than websites and social media but women don’t see it that way. Could it be because they are told it’s not welcoming by others and innately learn to fear and avoid it?

So who is doing the harassing?

Most people do not know or have never met the person. We know that men are more likely to experience harassment from a stranger and from someone whose identity they do not know. Women are more likely to experience it from friends and acquaintances. Pew states that this could be due to the diffuse nature of male harassment as video games and internet commentary, which men experience more of, are more anonymous.

Those who chose to confront the behavior state that it was effective. Those who chose to ignore it state that it was effective. It appears that either response makes the victim feel like it was effective. Most choose to confront (47%) it or unfriend the person (44%). Those who have experienced “more severe” harassment tend to employ every single strategy or multiple ones than others.

Not surprisingly, women are more apt to identify their harassment on a larger continuum of response. Men, however, are more likely to find harassment not upsetting or only a little.

Those who experience what Pew labeled as “less severe” report that it was not upsetting more often while they also state that they have a “strong emotional impact.”

Could it be that the message that a particular form of harassment is “less severe” and should be shrugged off is the problem? Possibly that men expect they can handle the harassment because society demands it? Maybe women react with a larger frame of emotionality and nuance than men? Lots of possibilities including that women get more upset than men.

It should be quite clear by now that men and women experience harassment online, but Pullen and others are patently incorrect when they say women are “in reality” having it worse. Especially when, in reality, I see men every day on a personal level who have been fundamentally wounded by social expectations of the male gender role.

Men are experiencing the majority of harassment online. They are told, culturally, that they must tolerate harassment and thus find it only marginally upsetting. They then internalize these forms of harassment that do have a strong impact. They then do not seek out assistance and help for this impact that eventually leads to higher incidents of unreported depression and higher rates of suicide. We are not discussing this because if we do, we’re MRA now. I would argue that discussing it is wholly feminist.

Women are also experiencing this harassment and bullying, albeit in smaller numbers, and should not be ignored one bit in all of this. However, as Pullen and others have written, attention of the effects of bullying and harassment of women are already being discussed in media.