He will change with me! – This is the signature of us Red Cross nurse women, who want to save the world, starting from the man next to us. But our vocation is to become real women. God is the one who thinks about saving the world.

I am sorry to point out a flaw of us women, because I think we don’t have any. And even if we had, they would all be forgivable because of the beauty that distinguishes us. I am a fan of girlfriends’ dinners where the main topic is “trash talk of the husband”. In fact only your girlfriend can understand you, your girlfriend who knows you well and knows how much you love that harsh man that you chose as climbing partner for your journey. Only with the closest girlfriends you can share certain ugliness and certain defects (of course of your husband!!!! We are always spotless, mind you!) without ever questioning the couple’s union. They know that you’re venting: he’s grumpy and rough! He demands attention, yet still does not call the babysitter, although you wrote the babysitter’s number in large letters on a piece of paper inside his laptop, clearly stating that he can call her at any time so he can take you out for dinner!!!! Your girlfriend understands it because her husband is usually like yours, and sometimes he could be even worse.

These girlfriends’ dinners always end up by saying: “They are not assholes! It’s just because they are men! It’s not their fault!”… We are so in love with them that we could justify them on anything.

What we women never miss out is the opportunity to redeem the poor boys from their mistakes. Here is where our crusade begins. Armed of good and very good will, of missionary spirit and a white hat with a large red cross on the head, we start our work of saviors.

Look, he even didn’t wish me happy birthday because he was going with his friends to see a football match

Noooo, really?!!! No way, he can’t do this to you! No way! You can’t be treated like that…

And then his phone is constantly ringing when we’re together. One time it’s his cousin who had a flat tire on the road, and another time it’s his father who needs help to cut the lawn on a Sunday afternoon when he’s with me! Then there is also his mother who wants to go visit his grandmother…

Are you sure that Jim has cut his umbilical cord? Are you really his number one? (We all have the so-called five-dollars psychologist girlfriend!!!)

Hmmm, you know, the truth is that he suffered loneliness when he was a child; He used to live far from his grandparents, and his parents have always worked so hard and never spent time with him… poor thing, who knows how much he suffered… but now he won’t suffer anymore because I am at his side, I’ll take care of him. I’ll change him, he will change with me!

Jimmy definitely suffered —who among us didn’t have a great childhood, raise their hand. But who do you want to marry? A kid who you will be a mom for? a guy who shall be saved from its emotional dynamics?… Or a man?

TWO YEARS AFTER

Two years later everything clearly changes. The in-love period is over and Jim ditched you for the nth time because he had to rush to open the door for his mom, since she can’t open it by herself and she doesn’t want to disturb her neighbor (who already offered her his help). But Jim rushes to her because she is his mom and he can’t leave her in times of need: he’s a good guy! And so, after two years spent justifying him, redeeming him, understanding him, letting him do and always getting the scam of being ditched for someone or something else, you can’t handle it anymore. Having unplugged the justifications disc, now you begin with the one of claims:

Do you realize? I gave up tennis for him!

His behavior is unacceptable…

Do you understand! I did 60 miles every Saturday morning to get to his place so that he could rest. And the lunches I had to put up with all his family… if I think that I didn’t move to Perugia to be close to him… (And then comes the sentence that every authentic Red Cross nurse brings inside herself)… after all I did for him!

Dear Red Cross nurse who lives inside every woman, I know that it’s difficult to abandon this uniform, but you have no choice. I am sure the presiding Jimmy gave you two answers:

Who asked you to do all this! You’re a pain in the ass! Think about yourself! Stop standing over me!

LOVE IS FREE

Jimmy was not all wrong. Love is free!

If you say “after all I’ve done for you!”, you want to be rewarded for your “love”; but love is free, otherwise it’s exchange, trade or business. Who asked you to date an immature mama’s boy? Look, we can’t choose our parents, siblings and children —you get those who the Eternal Father sent you— but you look out for your friends and your boyfriend! True love is the encounter between two mature people: people who stand on their own and want to give themselves to the other in a relationship. But they do stand on their own! If Jimmy needs to feel he is a good boy with his mom in order to stand on his feet, there is something wrong. If you are not his priority —and you’re not!— forget him, don’t try to be loved at any cost: it doesn’t work. The right man is the one who stands on his own, who doesn’t need to lean on someone else to exist. He is a man who has his own interests and is pleased in sharing them. He takes a step toward you, and you toward him.

We Red Cross nurses take all the responsibility of the relationship on ourselves. We load all situations on our shoulders. We do everything by ourselves. When Jimmy gives up his responsibilities and takes a step back on the path that you are on together, you are always ready to load his part on yourself. So, first of all, the two of you have to walk along and in the same direction. If he takes a step back, take it too. Walk with him in a mature and equal way, otherwise you can’t make it. You are going nowhere with this dead weight on you.

The right man can even be as rough as mine (hard to beat!!), but he knows how to walk with you equally.

We women have to organize a party… the goodbye party for the Red Cross nursing!!! Who is in?