In a morning news conference with reporters president Trump took the better part of an hour to share his own war story: The Battle of The Bone Spurs.

“People were coming at me from left and right. Every angle folks, every angle,” Trump stated. “And just as the Enlisting Forces were about to take me captive, and likely kill me, because they’re killers these people; I evaded the enemy with a doctor’s note.”

“So am I a hero?” Trump grinned while placing the Purple Heart around his own neck. “I don’t know. You tell me.”