Getting that phone call, hearing the words “you tested positive”, was probably one of the scariest, most surreal moments of your life.

“This can’t be happening to me”, you think, “Oh god, I’ve really fucked up this time”.

It’s overwhelming, I know. I’ve been there. When I got my diagnosis, it was like being plunged into hot oil. My mind writhed in shame, revulsion, disbelief. I felt afraid. I felt alone.

Things are hard for you now. This is a hard thing. But it gets easier.

Listen.

You didn’t do anything to deserve this.

Really, truly.

This isn’t a reflection on who you are. Having HIV does not mean you are a slut or a whore. It does not make you trashy. Having HIV does not mean you are a bad person.

HIV doesn’t pick and choose who to infect. You are not being punished. This was an accident. It could have happened to almost anyone. You rolled the dice, like so many millions of people, and you were one of the unlucky ones. That is all.

You aren’t going to die.

Not of HIV or AIDS, anyway. You might not even get sick. HIV is a totally manageable disease, has been for some time. Most people just take one pill a day. Have you ever taken a multivitamin? It’s exactly like that.

The life expectancy of someone living with HIV is the same as the general population. If you start medication, and stick to it, you’ll live a long, healthy life. You are going to be okay.

HIV medication is affordable, low risk, and it works.

Every state in the USA, and most countries through the UNAIDS program, provide affordable access to HIV medications. Most people even get their meds for free.

Most people achieve viral suppression within 6 months of starting treatment. Before you know it, you’ll be undetectable, which means that you will test negative for HIV. That’s because treatment reduces the amount of HIV virus circulating in your system to close to zero.

Modern HIV meds have minor side effects. I don’t experience any side effects, myself. Additionally, long term risks are relatively low. Yes, kidney and liver problems have been reported with long-term use of HIV medications, but only in small number of patients and only after 10+ years of use.

Also, don’t forget. HIV medication is getting better all the time. 10–15 years from now you will probably be on a completely different type of medicine. You might only have to get an injection every few months. Or, there could even be a cure.

You aren’t toxic or dangerous.

Once you are on medication and you become undetectable, you won’t be contagious.

This is often called Undetectable Equals Untransmittable, or U = U.

U = U is supported by major, long-term scientific studies and has the backing of the Center for Disease Control, the National Institute of Health, and the United Nations. Yes, this is real. With treatment, you won’t be able to pass along HIV to a partner.

Having HIV doesn’t mean the end of love or sex.

With modern treatments that prevent transmission of HIV, sex is definitely on the table for people with HIV. Of course, HIV treatment only protects against the transmission of HIV. So you’ll still have to think about pregnancy and other sexually transmitted infections. Talk with your partner about safe sex and get tested regularly.

Coming face to face with stigma is challenging, but don’t let ignorant people get you down. You are every bit as lovable as you ever were, and every bit as sexy.

HIV doesn’t change who you are or what you can become.

You are the same person you were yesterday, or last month, or last year. You are just as capable, talented, intelligent, and hardworking. HIV can’t stop you from climbing mountains, going to school, running a marathon, or getting that promotion you’ve had your eye on. You can still do everything you’ve always wanted to do.

You are not alone.

There are millions of people living with HIV who understand what you are going through. I understand what you are going through. You are not alone. You are loved.