Don’t forget the sassy finger snap, too.

1. “Do they really need that many toys?”

I don’t know, do YOU need that many shoes?

2. “They’ll be fine.”

But what if they try to jump off the couch and underestimate the force of gravity?

3. “Does your dog always bark like that?”

No, sometimes she quacks like a duck.

4. “They’re not actually smiling.”

If you don’t see a smile here, you probably don’t have eyes.

5. “So, like, do they do any tricks?”

She does. Would you like her to come over to your newly carpeted apartment to show you?

6. “Dogs are only cute when they’re puppies.”

Do you also think that kids are only cute when they’re babies? Or carrots are only cute when they’re baby carrots?? DO YOU??

7. “You know they don’t actually know it’s their birthday right?”

So? That makes birthdays better. These dogs aren’t thinking, “Ugh, I’m not where I thought I’d be in my career by now and my biological clock is ticking.” They’re just like, “I GOT FRANDS, TREATZ, & A CONE ON MY HEAD LETS DO DIS.”

8. “You know you could have picked a better place for your dog to poop.”

If you knew the decision making process that takes place to even get to this point you would be cheering this dog on like it’s match point at the US Open.

9. “Ew, you let your dog sleep with you? That’s so dirty.”

GIRL, you sit on subway seats in a sundress, so don’t even talk about germs. Also, you know what boosts your immune system? CUDDLES.

10. “I just can’t handle that much energy when I get home.”

You’re right. Happiness is exhausting. It’s much more exciting to come home and be alone with your own thoughts.

11. “EW, she’s humping the pillow!”

And this affects you how? Don’t hate. She’s got NEEDS.

12. Why are you putting balloons on her feet?

They’re not balloons, they are BOOTIES to protect her paws from harmful salts on the street. Why do I have to explain myself?

13. “Make her sit still. I want to take a selfie.”

Oh, so NOW you guys are best friends? Don’t use my dog for Instagram likes. Get your own.

14. “Do you talk to her when you’re by yourself?”

Obviously. Next question.

15. “I’m actually more of a cat person.”

We’re done here.

Featured image via @middlesis_tor