10) “Don’t wait up, honey; I’m spending a bromantic night with Brody Jenner.”

9) “Uhhh, Valentine’s Day is in February this year?”

8 ) “We’re having dinner at my place because I’m under house arrest for a $50 billion Ponzi scheme.”

7) “Please uncuff me.”

6) “I don’t know about you, but I’m sitting on my ass watching ‘Knight Rider.’”

5) “Tonight instead of not having sex, let’s not have sex twice.”

4) “Dear God – You look nothing like your Facebook photo.”

3) “Man, I thought my last boyfriend was hairy.”

2) “Make it quick, I want to catch Leno’s monologue.”