Shah Rukh Khan's new release stars him "in and as Raees" – his latest attempt at the sort of masala star vehicle that even the other two Khans have moved on from lately. While we're told that Raees the gangster is daring and smart, his decisions are as bad as the ones taken by the actor bringing him to life.

In the past five years, SRK's filmography has read Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Chennai Express, Happy New Year, Dilwale, and Fan. While only a couple of these can be considered Khan-level financial hits, almost all have been panned by critics. Meanwhile, in the same period, Aamir and Salman have delivered the six highest-grossing Bollywood films of all time between them. Salman has actually managed to do it with a few decent reviews too.

Raees was actually meant to release alongside Sultan last year, but was postponed to avoid a clash. It's a good thing too, because it might have made a painful truth much more obvious – Salman Khan is actually doing smarter and better films than Shah Rukh now (Tauba tauba. *Bathes in holy water to cleanse myself for putting this thought out into the universe).

Anyway, presenting the nonsense that is Raees: