Get specific

The two questions above are good starting points. But to give masterful oral, it’s worth going a step further. Get specific!

For deep insight, sexologists suggest discussing four aspects of genital stimulation. Learn what your lady likes (or would like) in relation to each of the following: location, pressure, motions, and rhythm.

Please note that the following questions are discussion prompts, not compulsory scripts. If they feel too formal, you don’t have to stick to the wording below.

Feel free to rephrase them in a way that feels more natural and comfortable to you and your partner. The point is to learn about her turn-ons — and have fun!

Location

Ask her: “where on your vulva should I use my tongue or lips?”

Your lady’s vulva is comprised of several parts. Find out if there’s anywhere she wants you to concentrate your attention. (If you need to brush up on female sexual anatomy first, take the time to do so.)

Personally, I love to feel my partner’s tongue between my inner and outer labia. I also enjoy long, vertical ‘ice-cream licks’ that cover the distance between my perineum and my clit.

But another woman might find those moves ticklish, or unappealing. Instead, she might prefer you to kiss the area on either side of her clit. After that, she may want you to tongue the entrance to her vagina.

There’s only one way to find out, and that’s by communicating!

Pressure

Ask her: “how firmly, or softly, should I use my tongue or lips?”

When it comes to genital stimulation, research suggests most women enjoy light-to-medium pressure. But your partner might be in the 10% of women who favor firm pressure that pushes deep into their genital skin.

Some women like you to start off very tenderly, and then work your way up to using more intense pressure. Different women will have different upper limits for what feels comfortable to them.

Talk to your partner to find out hers!

Motions

Ask her: “which motions should I make with my tongue or lips?”

Lots of women enjoy up-and-down, side-to-side, or circular movements of the tongue.

But some women want their lovers to use flicking, pressing, diagonal, or oval motions.

I prefer my boyfriend to circle his tongue around my clit, but use up-and-down movements when it comes to my labia.

Your partner will have her own unique combination of preferred motions. Go ahead and discover what they are!

Rhythm

Ask her: “Should I follow a consistent rhythm or pattern? How should I vary my intensity or speed?

I love it when my boyfriend licks my pussy in a slow, repetitive, rhythmic pattern. That feeling is so delightful, I like to lose myself in it for a while.

If your lady enjoys slow-burning sex, she may get off on a similar sensation.

But many women like their partners to keep changing speed, direction, or pressure when giving oral. That way, the stimulation stays surprising.

Maybe your partner wants you to alternate between soft and vigorous licks of her pussy.

Perhaps she’d like you to suck her clit after every third lick or so.

Does she want you to switch back and forth between fast tongue circles and slow tongue circles?

Talk to her and see. Her answer may surprise you!

A note on the above

Of course, sexual preferences are complex. Asking these questions once won’t capture every nuance of your partner’s desires. Her answers may vary depending on her mood and her level of arousal.

Still, the questions above can help you start to decipher your partner’s wishes. They’re designed to provide her with a language for requests that are tricky to articulate.

Based on her answers, you can tailor your oral technique to make it uniquely satisfying to her.