Little Brian manages to make repeating Objective 9:1 tolerable. I EP it after one session and we quickly move into Objective 9:2.

This Objective, like all the others, is redundant and agitating. I cannot wait until I have completed this portion of the program. I am very close to doing so. This Objective consists of the commands, start, change stop on a body. I know right? What in the actual fuck does that mean? This Narconese is really getting to me. Thank God I have Little Brian to get me through it. Buster is on the other side of the room with Bolts. I am thrilled to not share a space with him anymore.

There are four squares of paper that we place onto the floor. Each one is marked with a letter, (A,B,C and D). Brian explains that I should EP this Objective after only one session. I am at an advantage because Brian has already completed Objectives.

In addition, I am sure that they will likely CS my paperwork and get me into Book 5 as soon as possible. I am pretty sure that Makayla has had enough of my bullshit and wants me out of her Objectives course room.

Brian runs me through the Objective. I continue to start, change and stop. Walking in a square on the floor, alternating between the A,B, C and D locations. I spout off some bullshit cogs about being in control of my body and having the ability to make responsible choices. Brian feeds me some key words to pass the Objective and before I know it, it is time to fill out the paperwork and hand it in. Buster watches me from across the room, as I laugh with Brian. I feel as though Makayla is watching me too. I feel badly that I yelled at her and got into her face. Unfortunately, my first impression of her has tainted my desire to know about her. I am sure the feeling is mutual. I will later regret this, as I have been told by many, how amazing she really is.

The paperwork is accepted and I move onto Objective 10.

Objective 10, Book 4b

Objective 10 consists of three parts, (A,B and C). Oh my gawd. When is this going to be over? Brian begins to run me on Part A.

“Do you see that chair?” He asks.

“Yes,” I respond.

Alright. Go over to it and put your hand on it,” he commands. I comply.

“Good. Now look at that Heroin Hound,” he commands while pointing at our stuffed friend. Naturally, my head follows his instruction.

“Now walk over to it and put your hand on it,” he commands. I comply.

We repeat this set of commands until the exercise runs flat, (meaning does not produce any comm. lags, cognitions or bites). After it has run flat. We move into Part B of the Objective.

“Find a spot in this room,” Brian commands.

I point at the water cooler. Brian acknowledges me.

“Go over to it and put your finger on it,” he commands. I comply.

“Yeah go finger the water cooler,” Bolts calls out. Several students erupt into laughter. Myself included. Buster begins to roar with laughter. I want to punch him in his annoying, freckled face! I refrain from doing so.

“That is enough! Stop enturbulating sessions Bolts,” Makayla instructs.

This interruption counts as a bite and Brian makes sure to document it in the paperwork. Because of this enturbulation, we circle back to the first command of Part B of the Objective.

“Find a spot in this room,” Brian commands.

I point at the bookcase. Brian acknowledges me.

“Go over to it and put your finger on it,” he commands. I comply.

“Now let go of it,” he commands. I let go.

We continue to run through the commands until I have cogged several bullshit statements. At this point I am simply going through the motions. I want out of this Objectives course room and am saying any and everything I think they want to hear to do so. After we run this part flat, we move to Part C.

“Find a spot in the room,” Brian commands.

I turn my head towards the desk. Brian acknowledges me.

“Make up your mind about when you are going to touch it and then touch it,” he commands.

I allow for a few seconds to pass before walking to the desk and touching it. Brian acknowledges my actions.

“Make up your mind about when you are going to let go of it and then let go,” he commands.

Again, we run this part until it produces no cognitions and I become dull. Brian fills out the paperwork and assures me that he believes I will pass this one in one session, as well. Objective 11 is the final Objective and is always run in one session. The difference being that the session is run until you EP. Which means there is no break until you say what they are waiting for you to say. Brian assures me that it should last about two and a half hours and that this is the Objective that they are looking for you to really open up with about underlying issues and personal revelations about yourself. Whereas, most Objectives have been predominantly about control, willingness and having ability. It is time for the 3 o’clock break and we load onto the van. Buster attempts to sit by me. I can’t believe it.

“Dude what the fuck do you think you are doing?” I ask angrily.

“What?” He questions. “We can’t sit by each other?” He smirks.

“Get the fuck away from me,” I scream. My fist clenches in anger.

“Bro. Just chill,” Brian chimes in.

Buster moves to the back of the van. Maybe I am being too harsh, but I cannot stand to even look at him. Despite the fact that we have new twins to get us through our Objectives, he actually believes we might be nominated for the, “Twins of the week,” award on graduation night. He is delusional! Brian and Bolts mock his confession of this. I laugh, as Bolts hammers away at Buster’s implication.

Once back across the street, I retreat to the smoking benches with Keisha and Hayden. As far as I know, Tarantula never got his package of pills and Ryan Nicholas and Buster were unsuccessful with their dumpster dive. I really want to get high. I think back to the desperate attempt that me and the Ginger house girls demonstrated with the Lidocaine patch. I am not the only one who is well out of the sauna portion of the program who still wants to get high. I question if the desire will ever go away. We were all informed that the sauna cures cravings, but it’s bullshit. There is no miracle cure. It will always be a choice. Whether you exercise your ability to stay clean or not is on you. As of now, I would choose poorly. I would choose relapse. If there was any drugs to be done right now, I would do them. I know the company I am in would participate as well. Maybe it is hopeless. I begin to doubt my ability to stay clean once leaving this hell hole. I know that interning is imperative for my recovery. As much as I hate the idea of being here for three more months, I need more clean time.

“Are you really going to stay and intern?” Hayden asks.

“Look at the statistics Hayden. Most of the staff here were once former students who went home, relapsed, came back on review and then stayed to intern before becoming staff. That tells me that I should skip the going home, relapsing and review and just move straight into the dreaded internship,” I respond.

“Oh hey Liz Brown. Do you have your shit together?” Tess Moff asks, as she scurries by towards the course room. Clouds from her vape pen billow out of the corner of her mouth.

“Oh hey Tess Moff. Yes. I have my shit together,” I laugh.

“Good,” she acknowledges. She makes her way into the course room to speak with Andrew Stormy.

“There is no way in hell that I am interning!” Keisha exclaims. “You are nuts!”

“I am really starting to consider it,” Hayden confesses.

“Look, dude. I don’t want to intern,” I laugh. “But I can’t go home and fail. My dad paid forty fucking grand for me to come here. I cannot let him down. Moreover, I can’t fail Natalia. Her dad is MIA and I can’t leave her motherless too.”

“I get it,” Keisha replies. “But I am not interning.”

“I bet you will,” I laugh. “You both will. You watch. I will convince you both to stay. By the end of the program, I will convince Bolts, Little Brian, Derek Lowry and Ryan Nicholas to stay too,” I profess.

Hayden smiles. Keisha laughs, but reiterates that she will not be staying to intern. We spend the remainder of the break chain smoking cigarettes, flirting with our boys and laughing at everything and nothing at all.

“Two minutes,” Stormy calls out.

The entire student body pours into the course room for roll call. Now that Jude and Rick have left, roll call is less entertaining. No more ridiculous responses to having our names called out. I miss them. As the weeks pass by, students you began to really know and love, graduate and move on. While new students pour in. Faces change, but the scenery remains the same.

After roll call, the Objective students load onto the van and we make our way across the street. Both Buster and I have EP’d Objective 10 and have moved onto our final Objective. They must be pushing both of us through at this point. I am completely okay with it. Brian smiles and assures me that he is going to get me through Objective 11. My entire body is buzzing with excitement at the realization that this will be my final session in the Objectives portion of my program. I can’t wait to wake up from this nightmare….

Today’s Theme Song- Nightmare- Avenged Sevenfold

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