That's it.

Jack Thompson, Florida attorney and longtime opponent of free speech, has officially lost his mind.

I suppose I should start at the beginning.

For those of you who don't know about this sue-happy lawyer, here's a quick history lesson. Jack burst onto the free-speech scene back in 1990, when he took up the case against the rap group 2 Live Crew and attempted to ban their record, As Nasty As They Wanna Be, for explicit lyrics. Then in 1992, Jack attacked rapper Ice T and his band Body Count over the incendiary song "Cop Killer." He has also filed frivolous lawsuits against Internet sex websites and the movie The Basketball Diaries.

Mr. Thompson has more recently moved his focus away from rap and bad Leonardo Di Caprio films (why no lawsuit over Titanic, by the way?) and onto video games, suing a variety of video game companies by claiming that some of their products were training kids to kill despite a good deal of evidence to the contrary. This is the guy leading the Hot Coffee charge, although he's also fingered The Sims 2 because underneath those blurs, the Sims are NUDE! Of course, they have no genitalia (think Ken and Barbie), but Jack is still outraged, quipping incomprehensibly, "This is no different than what is in San Andreas, although worse." Aha.

More proof that he's a nut? Take his political campaign against Florida Attorney General Janet Reno back in 1988 (yes THAT Janet Reno), which consisted of calling her a closet lesbian who was being blackmailed by the mob. At a public debate, he actually walked up to her and handed her a piece of paper that read:

I, Janet Reno, am a

[ ] Homosexual

[ ] Bisexual

[ ] Heterosexual

and demanded that she check one of the boxes. No, really, he did. You just can't make stuff like this up, it's too weird. You might also get a good laugh from his bizarre email exchanges with Scott Ramsoomair over at VG Cats and Ryan Acheson from The Horror Channel. He even e-mailed me personally about my recent article on video game violence, but did not respond to a request for an interview.

I think I know why. In one of his many recent open letters to the world, Jack wants the gaming press to report that he is receiving death threats, which he insists is "proof" that gamers are violent. Very well, Jack – it's high time your wish came true.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Thompson is currently trying to have my boss, Lou Kerner, arrested by the NYPD for one of these terrifying death threats.

You see, this AIM buddy icon was posted over at BadassBuddy, a Bolt.com affiliate site. Jack decided this was a death threat and freaked out. That's correct – an AIM buddy icon. Jack is apparently terrified of buddies.

So scared, in fact, that he immediately called the New York offices of Bolt and demanded to talk to our legal counsel. Instead, Lou Kerner, the president of Bolt, was kind enough to return Jack's call personally later that day. Lou told Jack it was no big deal and that he would contact BadassBuddy and ask them to remove the icon. Which he did, and later, they did.

But not before Jack sent the following letter to both Bolt and the FBI. The FBI. I hear they have a special buddy icon task force now.

John B. Thompson, Attorney at Law

1172 South Dixie Hwy., Suite 111

Coral Gables , Florida 33146 August 10, 2005 Lou Kerner

COO

Bolt Media 304 Hudson Street , 7th Floor

New York , New York Via fax to 212-620-4315 and e-mail to [email protected] Re: Kill Jack Thompson Icon at www.dumbass.com Dear Mr. Kerner: Thank you for calling me back in response to my phone calls asking your counsel to call me. Please be advised that this icon must be removed immediately. I demand a letter immediately that this has been done or that it will be done very shortly. Regards,

Jack Thompson

You will notice that he's already forgotten the name of the site. Dumbass, indeed. But just in case that wasn't a strange enough departure from reality, he also immediately faxed this letter to the hard-working folks over at the NYPD, calling for Lou's arrest as well as other fiendish makers of buddy icons:

John B. Thompson, Attorney at Law

1172 South Dixie Hwy., Suite 111

Coral Gables, Florida 33146 August 10, 2005 Captain Anthony V. Bologna

Commanding Officer

New York Police Department First Precinct

16 Ericsson Place

New York , New York 10013 Via Fax Re: Bolt Media, 304 Hudson Street , 7th Floor, New York , New York Dear Captain Bologna: The above company is presently participating in the showing on the Internet of an animation of the killing of me because I have, in the past month, helped Senator Clinton remove from store shelves across the globe the violent "cop killing" Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas video game. My efforts against the Grand Theft Auto games are recounted in the current August issue of Reader's Digest. I was in New York last week with a number of D.C. youths protesting the release of the video game Bully by the same video game company, Take-Two/Rockstar. Bully allows kids to rehearse killing fellow students and teachers in their schools. The New York Post reported on their and my efforts in that regard. This "Kill Jack Thompson" animation by this New York company is in retaliation for my successes against Take-Two/Rockstar. Apparently the video game industry thinks that police officers should be targeted for death, as well as those who oppose this targeting. You can see this animation at http://badassbuddy.bolt.com. I believe this activity constitutes criminal activity in a number of regards by Bolt and by its partner, BadAssBuddy. This animation has not been removed from the Internet despite my request to Mr. Kerner, the COO of Bolt, who returned my phone call about the above. You will note at their web site that Bolt exclaims that there are 4.5 million hits by teenagers at this site monthly. Please proceed with the investigation and arrest of those responsible. Regards,

Jack Thompson

At least he got the website right that time. Later that same day, the guys over at BadassBuddy get Lou's request and remove the Jack Thompson buddy icon. Case closed, right? No, certainly not! Apparently the removal of the icon is an 'admission of guilt' and arrest and prosecution are sure to follow! Check out Jack's second letter to the NYPD:

John B. Thompson, Attorney at Law

1172 South Dixie Hwy., Suite 111

Coral Gables , Florida 33146 August 10, 2005 Captain Anthony V. Bologna

Commanding Officer

New York Police Department First Precinct

16 Ericsson Place

New York , New York 10013 Via Fax to 212-334-0623 Re: Bolt Media, 304 Hudson Street , 7th Floor, New York , New York and BadAssBuddy.com Dear Captain Bologna: The animation depicting my killing has now been removed, minutes ago, from the above-noted web site. Mr. Kerner of Bolt Media has just called me to inform me of that, which has occurred as a result of his communication with BadAssBuddy.com. I believe the removal of the animation by BadAssBuddy.com, which put it up there with full knowledge as to the impropriety of doing so, constitutes an admission of guilt by BadAss Buddy, Bolt Media's business partner. Therefore, please proceed with an investigation and prosecution, if appropriate of Bad AssBuddy.com's employees who are responsible for this. Targeting of citizens because they oppose the targeting of police officer has no place in a free society. Let me know if you need an affidavit from me or others. Regards,

Jack Thompson

Well, I have to say, Lou Kerner is a hell of a nice guy, so as an act of solidarity I'd like to get the cell next to his. Therefore, after playing Grand Theft Auto for an hour, I have created a primitive drawing of Jack Thompson being eaten by a crocodile while people applaud. I have signed this monumental work of art to prove that I am indeed the artist, and I hereby affirm that it was I, Duke Ferris, who put it on the Internet. Unlike Ms. Reno, I have checked a box for you, sir! I eagerly await my arrest and incarceration.

Alright, so I'm not really playing fair. It's just too easy to make fun of someone as mentally incompetent as Jack, although I have to admit, it's fun sinking to his level, like when I used to tease Jeff Becker on the playground for eating boogers.

What really annoys me, though, is the otherwise seemingly intelligent people who fall for his bizarre rantings. How on earth does Jack keep ending up on 60 minutes and Nightline and consulting with legitimate politicians like Senator Hillary Clinton? Don't these people do any research at all before they talk to some self-appointed "expert?" Just because some lunatic runs around suing companies for $300 million and faxes crazy letters to the NYPD does not make him an expert on anything other than the delusions in his own head.

Please, let's all come to our senses and see Mr. Thompson for who he is: a litigious, headline-hungry lunatic who routinely exhibits a startling lack of common sense. Unlike the Sims he so fervently decries, under all his pomp and circumstance, it turns out Jack is totally naked.