The Unfortunately Truthful Résumé of a Young Female Professional

Margaret Cooper

5555 Mission Street,

San Francisco, CA

(914) 555-2345

macooper999@outlook.com

Objective:

Young female professional looking to be treated equally by male coworkers. Past experience is limited, but this applicant remains hopeful.

Education:

Institution of Higher Education, Bachelor of Science in Economics, Bachelor of Arts in English

August 2009 – May 2013

Honor Graduate in both fields

Appointed Secretary of Student Senate as I was the only female present at meeting and the president thought it was “fitting”

Additional Institution of Higher Education in Larger City, Supplemental Business Courses

May – August 2011 and May – August 2012

Enrolled in supplemental business courses focusing on business management

Coordinated all group projects and presentations with disproportionate number of male classmates who refused to answer the phone except to text “U up?” at 3:18 am on a Saturday morning (I was up — working on the project)

Work Experience:

Large Corporate Advertising Firm, Intern

May – August 2012

Held position while concurrently taking business courses at Additional Institution of Higher Education in Larger City.

Repetitively on receiving end of numerous The Devil Wears Prada jokes from male boss, who seems to have missed the point of the film

jokes from male boss, who seems to have missed the point of the film Purchased lunch and coffee for partners and upper-level associates while fellow intern named Kevin was asked if he was interested in preparing spreadsheets for third largest client

Assigned a project that did not include ordering food only to discover it was ordering the specific type of clicky-top pen that my employer preferred

Mid-Size CPA and Consulting Firm, Junior Financial Analyst

June 2013 – October 2015

Oversaw the day-to-day execution of a large-scale project with a non-diverse group of professionals that continually talked over female staff

Provided innovative ideas at bi-weekly staff meetings that were later credited to male co-workers

Received more critique for identical budget proposals than male peers, but less critique than sole black female peer because that is how intersectional systems of oppression operate

Grew to dislike working in such a toxic male environment after one year, but remained in position for another year as I just renewed lease and could not afford to resign without having a comparable paying job lined up

Start Up Marketing Agency, Digital Marketing Analyst

October 2015 – September 2017

Created ads for targeted audiences including: white women and gay white men

Performed account optimization for several clients

Pushed back when co-workers from other departments tried to explain to me the graphics I designed and produced

Produced marketing KPI dashboards and delivered cross channel performance reports

dashboards and delivered cross channel performance reports Positioned myself to force male coworkers to establish and maintain eye contact when they requested notes from department meetings every week

Skills:

Dedicated. Persistent. Types 75 WPM. Angry. Team player. Proficient in three languages. Shrill.