Psilocybin mushrooms, commonly called “shrooms”, are much more than a simple drug.

94% of those who received the drug said the experiment was one of the top five most meaningful experiences of their lives; 39% said it was the single most meaningful experience. – TIME Magazine

The above quote from a 2011 John Hopkins School of Medicine study transcends the negative reputation that frequently accompanies shrooms and confirms studies of the drug done in the 1960s.

The positive effects of tripping are well-recognized in the academic world, even though the drug is still highly illegal in the United States. Luckily, it is more acceptable for research of this sort to be conducted now than it was during the hippie counterculture movement of the 60s.

I learned about shrooms in my early teen years, but never had serious intent to experiment until quite recently. As I became more curious about the world around me and my place in it, I truly considered doing shrooms. After I had a very stressful and depressing few months because of university and personal issues, I knew that I would try tripping (as soon as I was in a better place emotionally, of course).

I started going to therapy, doing yoga, and meditating. As I gradually came out of my blue period, I also prepared myself for doing a hallucinogen for the first time. After endless hours of internet research and listening to personal testimonies of trusted friends for over a month, I felt completely ready.

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Half an hour after eating a peanut butter, jelly, and shroom sandwich, I was coming up. I felt a little silly, and giddy, mostly like being high, but with more lucidity. I sat on a blanket in the middle of a wide expanse of tall grass, near a beautifully ancient oak tree. The meadow before me was spotted with small purple and yellow flowers and was edged by enormous evergreens that reached up to meet the perfectly clear and motionless sky. I felt quite content, simply looking at the surrounding nature and waiting for my journey to ensue.

Somewhat suddenly, I was aware of the Earth breathing. I could see the trees expand and contract like giant lungs swallowing air. The wind had already been making ripples in the grass across the meadow, but those ripples were much more prominent now, and somehow more real. The different shades of green twisted and curled together in a beautiful dance from which I could not peel my eyes away. Everything that I could see moved and breathed together with a connectivity and fluidity that even professional dancers cannot achieve.

When I looked at the old oak behind me, I was stunned by its antiquity and wisdom. I could feel its presence throughout time. Somehow, I could transcend the boundary of time without losing awareness of the present for even a second. Right now is all that I could experience. There was no past and no future. Every single concept that could displace me from the current moment fell away. There was only now.

I clearly saw geometric fractals in everything: the grass, the branches of the trees, even in the emptiness behind my closed eyelids. I had an intense desire at this point to lie down on my back to look into the sky. The vast blue space was swarming with shimmering translucent kaleidoscope patterns. It was difficult to take this all in, so I decided I would rather look back at the meadow and the trees.

Perhaps only ten minutes had passed as I experienced this, but it felt like an eternity. Or, perhaps it didn’t feel like any time had passed at all. It is difficult to express…

The scene was so pristine and Eden-like — although if I turned around and stood up I would be able to see houses and cars — that I forgot I was a human being. It was as if someone took an eraser and removed my body to release my mind into the natural freedom that awaited in the distance. I forgot what I looked like for the majority of the trip; I think the only reason I eventually remembered was because later, I unintentionally looked in a mirror, a bit to my dismay. Having this out-of-body experience was completely novel and serendipitous to me, and otherwise impossible to describe.

Perhaps my most serene moments were spent lying in the grass, looking up at the branches of a pine tree as they splayed out in all directions to mar the ocean of sky above. I somehow thought of everything and nothing simultaneously. I thought of life, of death, of my family, of all the people in the world, of the universe. I spread out my arms as if I was going to make a snow-angel in the grass, and I simply sunk right into the Earth. I felt like the grass between my fingers was growing into, through, and out of me. I have never felt more connected to the planet than I did at that moment. We breathed together, we lived together. The wind played with the leaves above as birds chirped to each other with urgency, making the most pleasant music I had ever heard.

I could see the perfection and complexity in every last minute detail of the world around and inside of me. There are no words to best convey the actual emotions that I felt during my trip, probably because I cannot even pinpoint a single emotion. Euphoria, connectedness, understanding, beauty, perfection, wonderment…all in a single jumbled experience that left a lasting residue on me.

Many people say that their experience on shrooms, acid, DMT, etc. somehow changed them. My trip did not change who I am, it allowed me to discover who I am. My post-trip self was always there but only needed to be unearthed.

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The discovery of who I am led me to question what my plans for the future were. I have always been worried about what I will do with my degree, how I will afford to travel, where I will live, etc. After this experience, my biggest realization was that I didn’t know what I wanted to study anymore. This didn’t freak me out, though. Now, I am incredibly excited to find out more about myself and how I want to spend my time here. I still have a hint of anxiety when it comes to my education and future career, but it is nowhere near as crippling as it was six months ago. Because of shrooms, I was able to stop tripping out about my future, and just start taking things one day at a time.