OPINION: Wandering into the tattoo studio last week, a guy who was getting some work done, looked up at me. "Yo man, I know you must get this a lot, but what do I do with my son who has been looking at porno online?" he asked.

He was referencing an article published last week, that implored parents not to talk to their children about this stuff and leave it to the professionals.

As an educator on changing conceptions of masculinity and stopping family and sexual violence, I talk about porn publicly a lot. So, it's become no surprise when people I don't know stop me to ask for advice about what to do when they find porn on their kid's laptop, tablet or phone.

SUPPLIED The text message high profile personality Richie Hardcore sent the Prime Minister concerning the Karel Sroubek case have been revealed.

The simplest advice I can give is talk with them. Not to them, but with them. Given the advent of the internet and smart phones, porn is largely impossible to avoid now, so giving kids critical filters on how to deal with it is essential.

READ MORE:

* How internet pornography took over one teenager's life

* How online porn is warping boys' behaviour with girls

* Teenagers and sex: where parents go wrong

Looking at porn has become so commonplace it's the new normal, yet speaking broadly and generally, what we're consuming as a societisn't healthy.

While there is a huge spectrum of porn, the data shows us that the porn made for the mainstream heterosexual market - the porn most young people are exposed to and are looking at - is typified by sexist and abusive language, and the sexualisation of aggression by men against women.

Porn has become, to paraphrase Australian researcher Dr. Michael Flood, both sex education and sexist education.

Parents and caregivers need to learn to swallow their own discomfort, so the damaging ideas transmitted through mainstream porn have less chance of shaping young minds and potentially set children up for deep-seated problems.

Having spoken in schools throughout New Zealand and in Australia, I've heard heart breaking stories from educators and health workers who deal with teenage boys with erectile dysfunction, or young girls presenting with sex related injuries as they try to recreate pornography. Parents have an important role in minimising the risks.

Banning access to things has never worked, and often only works to make something taboo more appealing. At present, there is an ad hoc basis to sex education within schools.

Whilst we wait for the school curriculum to develop a coherent and uniform approach to sexuality education which includes mandatory robust discussion about pornography, it's up to parents and caregivers to provide age appropriate conversations with their kids about sex, sexuality and what they are going to encounter online. An open chat has always been a great way of inoculating your children.

By all means, if you don't feel knowledgeable, upskill yourself first. Seek some expert advice. Visit websites of people like familyplanning.org.nz, who have a great section on talking with your kids.

Respect is an essential place to begin in any conversation about sex. Explain to your children that the disrespect men show towards women in porn isn't something that should be recreated or accepted. Talk to your children about the fact that what they are seeing isn't real; that the people in the videos are paid actors.

In having these conversations, it's important to be anti-sexist, not anti sex. If your child is already looking at porn, making people ashamed and embarrassed is the fastest way to shut down a conversation. Saying porn can be a problem must be distinguished from saying natural sexual exploration is fine.

Whatever your views on porn, it's here to stay, and it's everywhere. To make sure our future generations have happy, healthy relationships, sexual or otherwise, it's essential that we equip them with what they need to know.

Putting our heads in the sand because we're too embarrassed isn't going to help anyone. So, even if it makes you blush at first, learn to be frank. One day, your kids will look back and thank you for it.