Introduction

Smartphones are wonderful things, attracting our care and attention day in and day out, from reading your morning emails to ordering a pizza when you get off work.

As good as they are however, they can attract unwanted attention. In that vein, I present the top six apps that’ll get you mugged.

6. Alarm Free

A good (read: terrible) app to use once you’re actually being mugged is Alarm Free for iPhone. As you can see in the diagram provided below, you’re supposed to scare away muggers by holding up your smartphone and pressing the screen. This will make an alarm sound, and flash a light menacingly.

This’ll do precisely nothing to deter your attackers, but it does mean that they’ll definitely notice your expensive smartphone.

5. Flashlight

If you’re walking through a dark neighborhood at night, you might think that providing more light will make you safer. Unfortunately, pulling out your smartphone and then making it produce as much light as possible doesn’t provide protection so much as advertise your presence (and your phone) to any passers-by.

Some apps go further and provide a ‘police light’ setting. Unless you’re being beset by the bumbling thieves of Home Alone, I’m guessing this won’t be much help.

Imagine these appearing in sequence really fast. Scared?

4. Google Navigation

Another great way to get robbed is to let everyone know you’re from out of town. Although dressing oddly, mispronouncing local landmarks and asking for directions are all good starts, perhaps the best way is to walk through town listening to your smartphone mispronounce local landmarks and guide you effortlessly through crime-ridden areas to save you a few minutes.

3. I Am Rich

The famous I Am Rich app, which cost curious buyers new to the iPhone market $1000 for an app that just showed a JPG of a computer-generated jewel and had no actual features, takes number three in our list. Although the app has long since been removed from the market, it remains a popular app for jail-breaking pirates.

Another expensive app is the only ‘app for millionaires’, iVIP Black. The $1000 app requires a manual check after purchased that you’re a well heeled individual, and afterwards offers a variety of extremely expensive services — race horse ownership, helicopter hire, penthouses, that kind of thing. I doubt you’d be walking if you owned this app, but consider yourself forewarned nonetheless.

2. Google Sky Map

What’s more likely to get you mugged than walking through a bad neighborhood looking at your smartphone? How about walking through a bad neighbourhood staring at your smartphone as you hold it up to the sky?

Google Sky Map identifies constellations that you point it at, using your camera’s gyro to figure out where you’re looking. It also takes the prize for being the app that’ll make it most obvious that you’re not paying attention to your surroundings.

1. Slasher

While you can get mugged by looking too rich, too out of place or too oblivious, sometimes it’s just a random thing. In this case, you might think it might be a good idea to be prepared. Enter the Slasher app, which ‘displays a common kitchen knife on the screen and plays a “horror” sound when you make a stabbing motion.’

I can’t think of a better way to keep yourself safe than a virtual knife, complete with inappropriate sound effect. Heck, with this thing you could go mugging yourself!

Bonus: How Not To Get Mugged

Sometimes, the best way to not get mugged is the simplest:

Legendary.

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