The world’s smartest cow broke free of its meaty bonds this week and instead of giving it a damn medal and letting it retire to a nice Swiss farm, the cops hustled it’s ass right back to death row. I eat meat and I love steak but I’ve got a couple of rules when it comes to the animals I devour.

If the animal talks and says “don’t eat me” I won’t. If the animal pulls a Clint Eastwood and breaks out of the sonuvabitchin’ slammer it deserves freedom and an Oscar.

C’MON ACADEMY