Biological Survival Machine Claims Twitter Victory For Rational Thought

Jamestown, RI—In a series of devastating tweets, some garnering as many as a half-dozen “likes,” 27 year old Kevin Lightman launched an assault on theism Monday afternoon from which it may never recover.

Over the space of seven hours and nearly 100 tweets, Lightman, known to his dozens of Twitter followers as @AtheistMeatBot, engaged all-comers with a staggering range of emojis, GIFs and memes. His tactics are being hailed as “breathtaking in their audacity.”

While some debaters content themselves with engaging their opponents, Lightman goes a step further, demolishing the arguments of “stupid faith heads” everywhere. He combines this universal scope with uncanny foresight, anticipating and then rebutting points not yet raised in the discussion.

Commentators have marveled at his “total domination” of the intellectual battleground, managing to occupy every position at once. On the one hand he fiercely criticizes philosophy while also betraying a keen logical mind, (Lightman is able to spot as many as six logical fallacies without googling). In a similar vein, he insists on a thorough-going materialism while brilliantly maintaining the supremacy of reason and mind. It’s this comprehensiveness to his thought that makes him so difficult to refute.

When contacted about his recent Twitter victory, Lightman played down the importance of his own role: “The way I see it, we’re DNA replicators, hurtling through a meaningless universe, perched on an insignificant rock and headed for eternal extinction. My victory on Monday was important, but let’s not forget the bigger picture. As ever, rational thought was the real winner.”

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