Social media has made sharing personalized erotic content quick and easy; you can send a disappearing Snap or a more permanent media via text or Instagram to potential hookups and long distance babes. Sexting is a fun way to share my body, but it’s not my preferred way of getting turned on digitally despite it being the most common request from my Tinder matches. I’m a bit old school, I must admit, because my favourite way to get sexy with someone sans their physical body is via mutually jerking off on the phone.

Phone sex has been around since the beginnings of phones themselves, but with recent technology allowing for texting and sharing videos and pictures, erotic audio exchange has been on the decline. I’m a big fan of hearing someone’s voice before I meet them, and often potential dates get nervous at the idea of talking on the phone. I get it, phone anxiety is a real thing that even I still experience. What if we don’t have anything to say? What if I can’t articulate the naughty thoughts I’m feeling? Even with those anxieties, I think hearing someone moan in my ear while being alone in the comfort of my own bed can be so sexy and relaxing, not to mention convenient. So here are my tips on how to prepare yourself to have the best foxy phone calls.

Setting your environment

If I’m calling someone for the first time I get a surge of anxiety right before dialling them up. To quell that initial heart-racing fear, I take my time to relax before jumping on the phone. This typically works best if you plan a specific time for your phone call, so that you can take a moment to relax and breath before your phone starts ringing. Pre-call I’ll put on something that makes me feel comfortable, either PJ’s or some cute lingerie depending on my mood, and maybe turn on music or my diffuser. Mood lighting is also key; I prefer to turn off all the lights so I can shut my eyes while I’m dirty talking, so make your room cosy to your needs. All these elements can make you feel comfortable and relaxed before you hop on your call.

Transitioning to sexy talk

Not all phone sex calls are created equal. Depending on your relationship with the person, there might be some catching up and PG talk before your transition into sexy times, or you may both just be so horny that you jump right into talking dirty. My suggestion, whether you’re starting immediately or not, is to bring up a point from a past sexy conversation you had. This will allow your current conversation to continue on a sexual road and makes it easier for you to both slip into full-on filthy language.

What to say!

One of my best tips for having good phone sex is closing your eyes and imagining a real-life scenario with your phone partner. Creating a visual in my head helps me think of actions I’d like to do to my partner and allows me to be more descriptive when relaying that visual to them. With a visual in your head and your partner communicating with you on the phone (phone sex is a two-way street), you should have a fairly smooth experience. However, if you are lost on things to describe, I’ve created a handy list of customizable topics that can help:

Fantasies (yours and/or your partners)

Past experiences (with your partner, without your partner or solo)

Porn you’ve seen/read

Feelings on your body (hands, genitals, toys etc)

Specific actions (example: visualize a blowjob & describe how you would do it in detail.)

Silences

The potential of silence is a huge deterrent to phone conversations and sex. Luckily though, silences, when you’re dirty talking with someone, can actually be a bit easier to navigate than their SFW counterparts. Moans and other sexy sounds can always be relied upon if you’re at a loss for words. And if you feel like you haven’t said anything in a long time, you can even use “Sorry, I’m just so turned on I can’t think.” as an excuse. It’s basically a way to explain yourself and say something sexy all in one.

Sounds and Noises

Phone sex is all about audio. From moaning to groaning to commands, you have a whole lot of things your mouth can do vocally that will turn your phone partner on. And don’t just limit sexy sounds to your vocal chords: you have the ability to move your phone’s microphone wherever you would like. During past phone sessions, I’ve slapped my ass, fucked my pussy with a dildo and even given a BJ to a dildo, all while the mic has been positioned to pass on those sexy sounds to my partner. Those sounds are present during IRL sex too, but because phone sex isn’t focused on seeing, both participants hearing gets heightened and noises become extra sexy to listen to.

Consent

As with any sexual experience, phone sex also has to be done with consent! There are plenty of hot ways to ask to pursue an action within the fantasy you’re creating through the phone, just like in real life, so if you’re unsure a partner is into a specific action or word, ask them! On the other end of things, if your partner is going on a road that you’re not feeling, tell them firmly you’d like to switch course. I once ended up talking with random guy and he brought me into a very aggressive threesome fantasy that I was not enjoying, and he didn’t pick up on my uncomfortableness. I wish I would have said earlier “Yeah, not super into this scenario right now!”, it would have made my experience much more comfortable.

Pillow Talk

Masturbating in bed can make everyone tired, but let’s not forget a little bit of pillow talk before you both hang up. Even if it’s just saying goodnight before you decide to part ways, it’s a nice touch to make sure everyone feels good after you’re finished. I once had someone hang up with no notice immediately after they ejaculated which made me feel pretty shitty, so make sure to treat your phone sex like a real-life sex encounter and be a courteous person while you’re departing.

Do you participate in phone sex? Why or why not?