OMG I had the most amzzing day ever the other day. i was walking dwn the street and i c some homeless guy come up to me and say, “baaargg, have ye got any spare change sonnnn?” He was wearing flip flops and a strange t shirt, with sum1 i had neva seen before on it.

TO which i sed, “Sir, what the fuckery is that thing on ur shirt!?”

the man replied, “yo dawg It’s earl sweatshirt, haven’t your heard of odd future wolf gang kill them all? there the most hippin bee boppin rap daddies around rite now. skibide boppedity bloodmers gettetr”

I calmly replied, ‘sir i do not undertsnd your crazy jive talk, who is this earl sweatman person?”

The man, stumbling to speak due to his bronchitis, ejaculated ‘word up homeboy, they’re the meanest, baddest mothr fuckers. they grew up in the hood son, they talking about dat real shit rite there, shoving trumpets up peoples butts and fuckng dolphins. shit son, they talkng deep shit rite der.”

I threw up in my mouth a little and stmmerd, “that’s really interesting sir, do you know any more about these trumpet fucking hoodlums?”

“they be playin down a show tongiht, ye shoul d com down and…….wait”

something strange started to happen, he knelt down and started to cough violently, before beginingi to throw up everywhere. chunnks flew everywhweer! it even got into some kids eye!! lol. It was really weird, so i decided to punch him in the face and steal his wallet.

After that, I spent the rest of the day viewing art exhibitinos with danny. we stood and admierd works of beethoven, da vinci, merlin and bach, before growing weariy and grabbing a smoothie form a nearby stand. I asked danny if he had heard about the hip hop grounp odd footurue, to which he replied,”SWAG SWAG, FREE EARL!!!” He started having convulsions and threw up everywhere. i was absolutely confused beyond belief.

It seemed tht when anyone statred talking about the odd future, they would throw up uncontrobllay. this intrigued me, so i decided to go see their show and find out whst was going on, i got into my kroegermobile and sped straiht there!!!

There must have been something going on wit odd future causing people to throw up, i couldn’t quit eput my finger on it. then i rememberd, steve told me a few munths ago that a new pandemic virus had spread, due to increased levels of swag in the airwaves. he explained to me that for generations there has been a moderate level of swag, this is acceptable for most humans and it contains the rite acidic level. however, odd futures music contains a dangerous amount of swag, and therefore has lead to an overabundance of it, causign air pollution and making people sick. i had to get to the bottom of this, fast!

I arrived at the concert and when straifhg in. as an extra precuation, i went to kmart and bought a gas mask, along with some discounted blu rays that they had a special on. i bought hot fuzz nd shaun of the dead, i thought that i ould watch ssum comedy laughing movies after id done saving thr world.

os iwalked in and sure enough……a horrible sight was to behold. it was $12 for a jug of beer!! what a bloddy outrage!!! i threw my change at the bartending person but they didnt repond, they were just lying over the counter top throwing up, so i jumped ovr the bench and started pouring drinks 4 myself. it was diffucult drinking through a gasmask but i preevailed.

i walked up to the stage and then realized something was horribly wrong!! everyone was dying!!! OH MY GOD

I sipped by beer in disbeilief, people were dying!! I sprung into action and pulled out my swag reading device!!!

THE THING WAS THROUHG THE ROOF!! I HAD TO DO SOMETHING FAST!!

i attemped to push through the crowd, but the pile of dead bodies awas overwhelming. despite my gas mask prvoding proctection, the smell of vomit and flem starteed to become overwhelming, i don’t think i had much time left so i had to be quick in case i wanted to get home and watch hot fuzz. I waded through the crowd and steppd over the dead corpses. some people wheere still alive and attempting to crwal thourgh the mess. as i walked thourgh, i felt someone grab my leg! i looked down and saw a familiar face stare up at me. it was the homeless man from before!!

“HOMELESS MAN, YU’RE ALIVE!!! THANK GOD”

“I don’t hae much time left i_love_nikelback, you must face odd future alone, if they r to be stopped”

“NO, you’ll make it thrgohu this!! you’re going to die an old man in a shabby, rundown old folks home, where all the nurses give you drugs and steal your money!! youre not gonna die like this!!1”

“its already too late i_love_nickelback!! now go, go now before the virus gets you too!! he gave one last gasp and fell to the floor, he was dead. i got down on one knee and cried.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” the tears flowed down my cheeks like a wet river. i turned to the stage in a blind rage.

“I….WILLL…..HAVE…..MY……….REVENGE!!!”

I mustered all my energy within me, summonging all the energy of the nature and wildwife. then i sprung onstage and faced earl sweatshirt

i pulled out my axe from my satchel and began to stab violently at the beast. he squirmed and twisted in agony, green blodd started gushing from his torso and he eventually fell to the ground in defeat. I gathered my strength and turned to face hodgy beats and jasper. they screamed in unison and lunged at me, i fell to the ground and struggled to remove their grip from me. they grabbed the axe and went to give one sweep slice across my neck, i cringed and waited for the ineveitable.

BANG!!!

I heard a loud noise and saw their bodies fall to the ground. i looked up and saw danny holding a gun!! i picked up my axe and we turned to each other, we nodded and began to fight the rest off.after a long bloody battle we had dealth with most of them, with just tyler the creator left!!

he stood from his throne and stared in silence. me and danny braced ourselves, before suddenyl. TYler released a legion of cockroaches!!!

we got into action and fought off the cockroaches with our shoes, danny shot with his gun but it wasn’t very good, so we resorted to stomping them until they were all dead. suddenly, Tyler rose above the ceiling and began to transform!!! GLORIOUS BEAMS OF LIGHT TRANSFIXED THE ROOM, blinding me and danny. we looked up and saw it……he had become a goblin.

me and danny loooked at each other, noded once more, and ran towards him. Tyler shot his eye lasers but we mangaed to dodge it, i threw my axe at tyler and it sunk into his chest. he sqelaed in pain and attmped to pull it out. danny aimed his gun at tylers head and managed to shoot him between the eyes!! woww!!!!

tyler fell to the ground and with his last words he spoke, “fuck………………………steve…………….har…………” he then died instantly. Danny and i looked at the stage and the sight of rotting corpses. we gathered our things and walked to the exit, i poured one last beer and drank it as we walkted out.

I turned to danny and said,”hey…………have you seen the movie hot fuzz?”

he shook his head and i smiled, “lets go home”

The End

i_love_nickelback