Full disclosure: I’ve never met a single person that played in this game or attended this game. As a result, I feel like I can look at this matchup completely without bias. When a few stoolies hit me up asking me to break down last night’s Barstool Basketball game, I didn’t give it a second thought. Haven’t had a good old fashioned post game blog in a few weeks, and it feels great to be back. If you’re familiar with these blogs you know that they are completely without personal interests or preference. Instead we go to the tape, which does not lie.

After all the drama surrounding this game from both sides, last night was finally the night to nut up or shut up. Tex hanging it all on the line like he so often does, was looking for what would be his biggest and only win yet. You have to give him credit, he spent weeks talking shit about this game, and finally he was able to back it up. Happy for the guy.

Now it should be noted that the eligibility of the Chippewas roster was questionable at best, but that’s just the type of wild card you have to be prepared for. Perhaps this was why Tex was so confident all along, because he knew he was stacking the deck with players the Starfish wouldn’t see coming. I don’t hate it.

But enough foreplay, let’s dive right in

The Good

– You know how this works. We begin every blog with the game’s standout performer. Despite what you may think, this was closer than I expected. After going over the film there is only one place to start, and that is with Gay Pat aka Porzingis aka Dirk Lite aka Hakeem The Dream. Normally this is where I tell you to enjoy his performance uninterrupted but that’s not exactly possible so we’ll go with this instead. Enjoy

You could make the argument that Pat was the best player on the court, certainly one of the most versatile. Watching how the Chippewas used him, it’s clear why stretch fours are becoming a must have part of any successful NBA team. Pat’s ability to knock down the outside shot kept the defense honest, and from there he went to his tried and true Hakeem The Dream Shake up and under without fail. One thing you want from your main players is poise, and the way he showed patience to pull that move off not once, but twice was great to see. But don’t think he’s a finesse player. I don’t know what about him would make you think that. His block on Smitty with about 15 minutes left in the second half was heard half way around the world. I’m not ready to say he’s a franchise starting player, but I’m giving him the max without question. Get him in a big time weight training program and who knows what happens. Remember, not even KD could bench press 185 pounds at his Draft Combine.

– A personal favorite, that anthem was absolutely electric.

Bravo Big Cat, bravo. Absolutely crushed the shit out of that anthem. If you’re a new stoolie and this caught you off guard, allow me to show you of one of the all time great Barstool moments

– I thought you could feel the chemistry of the guys in the booth ooze right from your phone as you watched this game on the Barstool Sports App. If you told me Dave and PFT had been calling games together for 30 years I’d believe you. They picked up on each others cues seamlessly, Dave did a good job at pretending he could keep pace with PFT, and I thought they were brutally honest but fair. That’s all you really want from your announcers. If I had to compare it to current pairings, I would say it was way better than Reggie Miller/Kevin Harlan, but not quite Mike and Tommy. Perhaps a good resting place is the Van Gundy/Breen/Jackson trio only with two guys. I’d say that’s pretty solid.

– For the most part, the offensive approach from the Purple Starfish wasn’t that bad. The one thing they for sure know how to do is space the floor and move the ball. You could tell their offense stalled when things were forced, but when they calmed down, moved the ball, and had possessions where three or four guys touched it, things tended to work out. This could not have been more evident with their first points of the game.

At around the 19:45 mark we saw great ball movement as the Purple Starfish worked it all the way around the key until Caleb got it in the corner. What I loved is that he didn’t settle, instead he was aggressive and attacked the basket for an easy baseline drive. Better yet, he made his FTs.

– Which brings me to my other star of the night, Caleb. Listen, if there is a guy who is relatively quiet who doesn’t command a lot attention on the court, just goes out and executes, it’s him. Classic case of a player who you could get for a steal on the open market, and he then goes and outperforms his contract right from the jump. What stood out was not only his ability to play under control, but he was one of the few on the Purple Starfish who showed he could create his own shot. With an ability to get to the line like Harden, it was that aggressive style of play that led to him being one of the high scorers on the team. You could tell he got a little heat check happy with some of his threes, but at the end of the day you can see why he has the green light.

– On the Chippewas side, I think we can all agree that Tim the Aussie was quite the surprise. Shame on us though, considering Australia’s long line of elite basketball talent we should have seen it coming. Right from the opening tip, it was clear the Purple Starfish had nobody who could match his size, speed, and physicality. It was almost Lebron like. The way he got to the rim with ease was a problem, and there really wasn’t a player who could defend him without fouling. He faded in the second half a little bit (classic Lebron), but the pairing of him and Gay Pat proved to be a legit issue.

– I know Kmarko will probably be catching some heat today. He’s clearly in a shooting slump, and I think I’ve figured out a way for him to snap out of it and regain his confidence. Watching him play that’s clearly what it looks like. You can tell he knows how to play, but he’s tentative. I don’t know if he’s afraid to miss or what, but Kmarko just grip it and rip it man.

It also should be noted that Kmarko’s first step is quick, real quick. I counted a handful of times he caught the ball on the wing, gave a quick jab step and instantly had a step on his defender. Here’s where he needs to adjust. On almost every one of those situations, he passed it back out to the top of the key. Go back and watch the tape, the lane is there for the taking, and the best way to snap out of a shooting slump is to either get to the paint for a little runner/layup, or at the very least get to the line. We saw what happens when Kmarko plays with confidence, that step in three at the 14 minute mark coming off a nice drive by Francis was beautiful

It also wouldn’t surprise me if he was internally screaming for half this game..

– Let’s also not act like Pat was the only versatile big on the floor last night. How could you not be impressed with the way Coley was not only able to find cutters from essentially behind the three point line like he did at around 11 minutes in the 1st, but he did start that third quarter run with a smooth looking three from the corner as well.

Kyle Korver could learn a thing or two from that shot.

– I wouldn’t judge you if you opened this app to watch what you thought was going to be a bunch of bloggers and interns but instead were convinced you were watching the Golden State Warriors play the Purple Starfish. Out of nowhere the Chippewas start this game with a classic Warriors three bukkake, and ended the first half with a dagger three for good measure. Where did that come from?

– A+ trash talk coming from the sidelines of the Purple Starfish. Well done Rone.

The Bad

– You could not have a worse defensive opening possesion than what the Purple Starfish came out with. Three seconds into the possession there was a lack of communication as to who was guarding who, and they had no choice but to foul. You could see early finger pointing, and it really didn’t seem like they came ready to play. Maybe they underestimated their opponent or something, but not the best defensive start.

– Things went from bad to worse just four minutes in with that Coley tech. Was it a bad call? Probably, but you gotta keep your composure. Coley is too important to this team to take himself out of a game like that. It reminded me a lot of the stupid techs that Marcus Smart would get. You want to be mad at him but on the other hand you love the passion.

– Now look, this next point is a bit controversial. This game got real tight down the stretch, and I’m afraid I noticed some fishy scoring that at the end of the day definitely impacted a certain teams offensive/defensive approach at the end of the game. Remember that Caleb drive at the beginning of the game? The one that produced their first points? He did not get credit for making both FTs. It went from 0-5 to 1-5 even though he made both. Now think of how that impacts strategy at the end of the game when it was 38-37. That should have been a tie game. I don’t know what was going on, or who got to who, but I caught it and frankly it stinks to the high heavens.

– True or false: Making only 3 FGs in 24 first half minutes is good. Asking for the Purple Starfish

– This stat also led me to an interesting part of the box score. If you’ve read Big Cat write about the Bulls you know how he feels about Tony Snell. I thought it was pretty sweet that he chose this game to honor the former Bull

– Fishy scoreboard antics, refs throwing balls at Coley’s head. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

– I’m sorry, but I’m 100% on #TeamRone in regards to his feelings about the Chippewas playing zone defense. That is some soft as Charmin shit. Be a man and D someone up.

But that wasn’t the only problem, my other problem comes from the sidelines of the Purple Starfish. The coaching staff’s refusal to exploit that sorry pathetic zone is probably something they are all going to kick themselves over when they watch the tape. The FT line was WIDE OPEN. It’s on the coaches to put someone like Francis on the FT line so he can either swing the ball and get the zone moving, turn and face for the jumper, or look to find a cutter. He’s at his best when he’s creating in the paint, and not once did we see this happen for a majority of the time the Chippewas were in a zone. Not the best look.

– Which brings me to Francis. He’s a player who shows not only does he have a high motor, but he’s not afraid. My one gripe with his performance is a common stance I had with Jae Crowder this past season. STOP SETTLING FOR THREES. You have such a physical advantage and can get to the rim whenever you want, just drive the ball! The Chippewas didn’t have anybody who could physically match Francis, but like Jae did about a billion times this year, he didn’t take advantage of it consistently. Instead he jacked up threes that definitely didn’t have a shot, and moved away from what makes him successful. His ability to get into the paint at will and draw a crowd did great things for his teammates, I wish he didn’t get away from it.

– That may have been the worst late game execution from the Chippewas these eyes have ever seen. Turnover after turnover after turnover, they were BEGGING the Purple Starfish to steal this game. They were fortunate for sure, but this is where Pat or Tim the Aussie needed to step up, calm everyone down, and get high percentage looks. For some reason they pushed the pace instead as if there was a shot clock or something, and it completely put them out of whack.

The Ugly

– Look, if you’ve read this blog before, you know how important I consider late game FTs. If you’re a Purple Starfish fan, you probably didn’t sleep last night. For as well as Caleb played, his three missed FTs all late in the game were tough to stomach. The Basketball Gods do not fuck with missed late FTs, we know this.

To be honest the FT shooting wasn’t any better for the Chippewas either. This may have been the first game in basketball history where every player on the court was a hack-a-player threat.

– Pretty fucked up there were some DNP-CDs for Young Pageviews and Brett. It wasn’t as if they couldn’t use some fresh legs during certain stretches, so it makes you wonder what’s up? Is there conflict between them and the coaching staff? Did they miss a practice or something? Very strange.

In a blink of an eye, the Barstool Basketball season has ended. There was talk from the GM of the Purple Starfish that the future of this team is unknown and could be coming to a close, but that could have just been emotions riding high. At the end of the day Tex got that W he’s been searching for, and the full time guys are walking into a hard reality today. Either way it was an entertaining game that did a much better job at living up to the hype than these Finals have I’ll tell ya that much.

And remember, go download the app.

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