It must suck to be a Black woman. You can’t go out to the bar without throwing a drink in someone’s face. All of your friends talk shit behind your back. You never get chosen on the Bachelor. Your boyfriend only takes you to McDonalds. Either you go to an inner city high school that’s in need of Michelle Pfeiffer to help you learn to read or you’re stuck in the suburbs as the sassy sidekick to some witty blonde. Apparently Maury Povich is the only positive male role model in your life. Oh and don’t you dare get out of line with your man because the State Farm guy is always waiting to replace you with someone a shade lighter and with less attitude. That’s how TV portrays Black women so that has to be true, right? They’re all eye rolling, church going, McNugget eating, man problem having females whose only positives seem to be the ability to dance and dress nice. Today’s special word is BULLSHIT, as in the portrayal of Black women in the media has become straight bullshit.

I was at lunch with my Jewish homie and we were talking about Black girl slander and I asked him what his impression of it was, he laughed and said, “TV makes me think that they’re all ticking time bombs waiting to yell at people“. EXACTLY! I know a variety of Black women ranging from ratchets and hoes to scholars and soccer moms, so I know how to differentiate stereotypes from the real. However, if you are a TV junkie who lives in Agora Hills and the only Black people you have experienced have names like NeNe and Fantasia you are going to have some bias when a gang of Black women walk into a restaurant. “Oh gosh, Rebecca, they’re about to start talking loud and arguing over who’s a non motherfucking factor“. TV makes it seem like Black chicks are either going to sing for America’s Votes or rip each other’s weaves out. I enjoy watching ratchet reality shows because I know that it’s mostly scripted, but most of America isn’t in on the joke. Little Black girls growing up on this shit see the house, jewelry, and clothes and think because a Love & Hip Hop star can punch a bitch, do no jail time, and still get invited to that girl’s party, it’s okay for her to act a fool as well. Entertainment is one thing but there should be a balance where you can say clearly, “this woman is fighting because she’s low class but this woman is talking out her problems because she has self respect“. Where is that counter? Oprah and Michelle Obama? Nigga please, ain’t nobody under 25 relating to those deities. Since A Different World went off the air Black girls have been portrayed as Ghetto Divas who are hard to love and difficult to get along with. It’s time for these misconceptions to end. Since TV won’t have a proper representation of the type of complex females I’m talking about until next year, I’m going to dispel some myths about the so-called typical Black female.

Black Girls Are Ghetto:

Bullshit

Despite what Media Take Out will have you believe, the world isn’t filled with C-section scared strippers and five-year-old girls with blonde weave. The hood is the hood, I’m not trying to pretend that ignorant people don’t exist, but not everyone comes from that. There will always be that pregnant chick rolling a blunt on her porch while her four year old is in the house cooking a Hot Pocket on a Foreman grill. But this is the 21st century and that type of thing isn’t the norm. Yes, we all like to laugh at those kinds of people, I constantly point to ratchet behavior as proof that we can do better, but what happens when dumb ass people start to emulate that behavior because they think it’s cute? Ghettomania. The reason why it seems like every Black girl in America is ghetto isn’t because they are, it’s because the majority give into basic ass ways in an attempt to seem cool. No one wants to be labeled a hood rat, but they love to front as if they’re bout that life because the world of neck tattoos and Moscato drinking is what society promotes as fun. “You ain’t tatted up, bitch you corny” What kinda backwoods shit is that? Let me see you Tat your GPA on your neck instead of that ratchet ass nickname nobody calls you. Dude came out with a song about Wal-Mart with bitches in booty shorts, two days later I see a girl and her friend twitpic themselves at Wal-Mart in booty shorts. Are you serious? I know a girl in poverty who saved up money to take pole dancing classes, but wouldn’t save up to take a business class, because being able to post a picture of doing a split gets her more likes than being able to get a promotion. Monkey see Monkey do; well let’s see all of the beautiful Black women who run through Rodeo Drive not Wal-Mart. Can we get an interview with the sexy girls who direct the music videos not just the one’s shaking their ass in the video? Let’s talk about the ones who graduate from Ivy League universities not just the ones who stab each other in dorm rooms. We live in a society where they love when girls talk like Monique and are quick to call a chick an Oreo if she dares to enunciate her words without an accent. There are always two sides to a coin, but I guess if it doesn’t perpetuate a stereotype then it’s not worth seeing.

Black Girls Are Gold Diggers:

Bullshit

Contrary to popular belief, most Black women will choose love over a bank account, but if I listen to the media, every one of them turns into a hoe once Derwin Davis steps in the room. A lot of women end up with guys who will never break six figures a year, yet this glorification of the big booty girl with long fingernails proclaiming, “Girl, I gotta get me a baller” is embedded in Pop Culture. Tell me how many Black women have fucked their way onto the E channel? How much money has Hugh Hefner tricked on darkskin girls? Karrine Steffans had to suck hundreds of dicks just to sell a book, Kendra sucked one wrinkled dick and she became a brand. Let’s be serious. No woman wants to fall in love with a broke nigga, going after a guy who is financially competent doesn’t make you a gold digger that makes you normal. You should look at the kind of car he’s driving and what type of job he has, no girl wants to get sidetracked by a guy who can’t take her places. But If you add up all the successful gold diggers in Los Angeles and put them in the Staples Center, I’m Magic Johnson positive that Black girls won’t make up 10% of that room.

Black Girls Love Tyler Perry:

Bullshit

Family Guy had a great exchange between Lois and Cleveland’s Wife Donna.

Lois: Why does Laura Linney always look like she’s just finished skiing?

Donna: I don’t know who that is.

Louis: Really? The Big C?

Donna: No, never heard of her.

Louis: Would you know who she was if I said Tyler Perry’s Laura Linney?

Donna: Ooh, I love her!!!

The truth of the matter is Black women go see his movies because there is NO alternative. Try picking out the Black girls in a typical Romantic Comedy and you’ll be left with the Sassy Mail Lady, the Sassy Waitress, or the token Black bff who they threw in for diversity… who’s also sassy. Emma Stone is cute and all but Black chicks aren’t relating to “Easy A”. It’s not that they love the mess Tyler Perry puts out; they just want to see characters that look like them on the big screen who aren’t secondary.

Black Girls Are Self Righteous:

Bullshit

There is this “oh god, let’s hear what the Black women are going to complain about now” mentality that people have as if they all chase controversy like Al Sharpton. I think this comes from the media coverage of C. Delores Tucker laughably fighting against 2pac’s use of the word “bitch” as if she were Rosa Parks fighting for civil rights. That was a case of the old generation not understanding how the new generation expresses themselves, not Black women being easily offended. Black women of the past few generations are the most understanding group of people in the world. The reason it seems like they are so easily offended is because like anything, those who are upset make the MOST noise. When Nelly’s Tip Drill video came under fire, it wasn’t every Black girl in America who was screaming bloody murder, it was a small percentage made up of overly sensitive people who had clout. I’ve never in my life talked to a woman who was upset about Tip Drill. There are a lot of things that disrespect Black women, McDonald’s commercials, the phrase “can I touch your hair“, but a music video full of paid women having fun is not on the list. There will always be two schools of thoughts conservative and liberal. Conservatives would see Black Girls Are Easy and ignorantly dismiss it based off a title they think they understand, and then there are the liberals who read and analyze before jumping to conclusions. It’s safe to say the liberals won.

Black Girls Have Attitudes: BULLSHIT

Why is the woman in the Statefarm Ad yelling = her boyfriend. Why is Yvette in Baby Boy yelling = Jody. Why does NeNe need money to make her feel confident = An abusive husband. Show me a damaged woman and I’ll show you a man who damaged her ass, be it her Daddy or a boyfriend. With all these jokes about Black Girl Attitude, no one ever looks to the source of why she’s rolling her eyes and cocking her head in disgust. She’s mad because she’s been done wrong. I’ve seen it with my own eyes how a girl who was so nice in high school is now jaded and fussy. What happened to her? People who come back from The War aren’t the same, and love is Vietnam. When a woman is cheated on, toyed with, or constantly lied to; that shit strips her of that innocence and corrodes her patience. I’ve experienced a lot of women who have chips on their shoulders and they took it out on me, even though I wasn’t to blame. Regardless of race, all women who have been hurt have those kinds of walls up; Black girls just express it in a certain way. If she’s blowing up over small shit, then best believe there are bigger issues at hand. In the words of Drizzy, “Who’s paying for all that therapy, um nigga not me“. We as men should not be made to pay for what the guy before us did to her, but we shouldn’t be so quick to add fuel to the fire either. Instead of helping her deal with those anger issues or giving her a shoulder to cry on, most of us just get her to drop her guard long enough to smash, then bounce because we don’t want to deal with her crazy ass. Imagine that happening to you several times? That’s the reason Black women rage against the machine known as mankind because a large percentage have been cut open, stitched up, then had those stitches ripped out again. By the time she meets a guy who could be Mr. Right, she’s hiding behind her attitude because that’s the only defense mechanism she has left. The perception that Black girls are hard to get along with or ticking time bombs is propaganda. If you treat a Black woman right and take time to understand her, Black girls aren’t any more difficult than any other women, in fact, Black girls are easy.

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