A few months have passed since we last checked in on the insane world of Craigslist postings, but 2013 finally has its first, “You’ve got to be kidding me” post of the year, and it comes to us from the lovely hamlet of Kempsville, Virginia. If you’re unfamiliar with Kempsville – first of all, get out and travel, you recluse – it is a quaint borough of Virginia Beach, which is the largest city in the Mother of States.

But you didn’t come here for a geography lesson, you came here for some good, old-fashioned Craigslist pervertedness and boy do we have a doozie for you today. Normally, I’d expect this kind of post in the Casual Encounters section, but I just assume that this couple’s request was meant to be offered out to the more open-minded people of the “Activity Partners” community. Especially those who love to dress up and watch people get it on.

Middle aged bored couple (Kempsville) Both male and female late 40’s seek adventurous couple for fun times. We seek another couple for a night of fun so we can check off another on our bucket list. We would like the man to dress up and play the part of Pat Robertson and the female to wear a tight blue dress and act like she is a sales spokesperson on Home Shopping channel. My husband I would be naked and making love in our bed all the while Pat Robertson will be constantly attempting to save our souls and the female to have ongoing dialogue trying to sell us an Ab Rocket in 3 easy payments. We are open to possibly videoing the event as long as each of you sign a disclaimer. Pl;ease place the word “damnation” as subject line

I always find the use of “Bucket List” to be a little depressing, because it’s basically a death checklist and I’d like to think that when my dying day comes in 40 or 50 years, some nerdy scientist is going to bust into the room and shout, “We did it, you’re immortal!” Then me and my 19-year old girlfriend will high five and grab some Jimmy John’s.

As for this couple, who among us hasn’t at least considered bringing in another couple to shout at us while we’re having sex? What concerns me, though, is the thought of watching infomercials during sex, because I’d probably just stop and buy everything. I mean, have you seen the Ab Rocket? It’s incredible!