Dear United States Postal Service,

Saw this last week. It looks like it’s been out maybe since October

Are you kidding me?

Use the mail, because computers get hacked? Whoever came up with this campaign at the USPS has seen way to many political attack ads.

Remember Hillary Clinton’s commercial: “Don’t vote for Obama or your kid is gonna get kidnapped at night” or at least that’s how I remember that commercial goin.

I know the USPS is in trouble financially. They are closing offices and might even move to less frequent service. I can assure you, if you have a chance at solving these dilemmas it is not through some kind of War on Drugs type fear tactics to get people to send more mail.

A big reason the fear won’t work? The fear targets a shrinking market. I don’t even have an anti-virus on my computer any more. I’m protected via a firewall and I use a Mac. Window’s computers ship with an antivirus that does pretty friggin well now. Shoot, even my parents and inlaws who still kind of need to worry about viruses - because they’ll click on anything :) - don’t have to anymore…

I bought them Chromebooks. They don’t have viruses.

What you need to do is embrace the future. Embrace what’s working. Figure out what the “box” is that you and electronic delivery are competing in, and create a few attributes that you bring to the market that aren’t in that box. And spend all your time, money, and energy outplaying everyone at those attributes.

Read Blue Ocean Strategy.

Ok, so here’s my list of things that just thinking about your problem for 30 minutes I can come up with to get you down some better paths. I'm absolutely naive to your business and what you can actually do better. But I’m also positive you aren’t innovating very well but you can get better.

Fire your marketing department. Or at least get them to watch how Google is out marketing you on Television.

Contrast your junk commercial with Google’s.

This commercial gives me goose bumps. It’s emotional, and it elevates the things that Google is doing on the web and through things like email.

Have you seen an Apple commercial for the iPhone? There’s like a dozen of these commercials that are all about apps that other people have made. There’s even more that just shows off what awesome things an iPhone or iPad can do.

There are ton of awesome things still being done over mail.

Like letters to home to wives and families from soldiers over seas.

Or my wife has been gushing for 3 days about a letter sent from our 2.5 year old niece. She wanted to draw something for my wife. So she drew all sorts of things on some scrap paper, and her mom added a few notations in the legend letting us know which abstract piece of art signified what. Our niece drew our whole family :) and sent that thing to us. Not scanned and emailed.

Or look at Picplum. Those guys are printing pictures and delivering them to people’s mail boxes. People love real pictures still. And getting things in mail especially gifts is precious.

I can go on and on.

People LOVE to get mail. They love the surprise. Mail is so awesome now more than any time ever because it’s so much less full of junk than my email.

Look at the crazy things going on with subscription services these days. Read Techcrunch. You’ll see another subscription service popping up over and over. People are buying stuff so they can get automated shipments of surprises every month to their mail box.

T-shirts, baby clothes, toys, cookies. Fucking notebook paper!

Showcase those.

Spend your commercial money telling people about the Picplums and other companies that deliver awesomeness over mail. Get those folks more business and you’ll get more business.

Can the government acquire private companies? I imagine you could. Take your commercial money you are blowing on this crap, and start acquiring companies doing innovative things with mail.

Like the aforementioned Picplum. Or any company doing the stuff above. Get some folks actually doing cool shit with mail on your team!

There’s so much more you can start tackling. There’s companies that are devoted to doing things like scanning mail and digitizing it. Or getting rid of the bulk mail for me. YOU COULD BE DOING THESE THINGS!

Or instead of getting everyone scared of viruses and hacking, help folks get more secure. Become a certificate authority and teach classes on how to setup encrypted email. Charge for those classes and the certificates.

My parents talk about paying for classes just to learn basic things like this still.

Or what about Amazon Local. People want instant delivery gratification. How can you be a cog in that machine? Help Amazon send more packages. If you have to stop mail delivery on certain days, retool your carriers to do more innovative package delivery to help the Amazons. Or even better help things like local book sellers deliver books!

Team up with the local book shops closing down and help them do same day delivery of their inventory.

I’ll stop now. But I hope you get the point and that someone reads this over there. You guys kick so much ass but apparently are oblivious to it. And there are so many people innovating on mail and package delivery bit you are sitting here trying to strike fear into the hearts of Grandmas and the businesses that need to communicate with them.

You can be better.