The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. — George Bernard Shaw

Statistically, about 50 percent of all people are Empathizer communicators and 50 percent are Instigators. Neither type is better or worse, they’re just different. Learning your own and your opposite communicator type will allow you to adopt the strengths of your opposite, see situations from your talk partner’s perspective, and become a more flexible, positive, and responsive communicator. So, which one are you?

Empathizer communicators:

Experience the self as interpersonally sensitive.

Drive from their strength of empathy.

Have difficulty getting beyond the past, as failure and rejection pierce them to their core.

Feel negative when they are stressed, then unexpectedly act out in negative behaviors.

Ding I-types for being too stubborn and hard-headed.

Listen inclusively with three ears, including what’s said nonverbally.

Can become lost in the fog of feeling down, sad, and blue — their Achilles’ heel.

Are empathy experts who are natural-born relationship rehabilitators.

Struggle with low self-esteem or the-glass-is-half-empty negativism.

Feel deeply about the impacts of a relationship in order to make life changes.

Are too thin-skinned; they take things too personally and their feelings get hurt too easily.

Regret thinking too much before speaking; bite their tongues too often.

Are prone to trying to please too much or telling you what you want to hear, and then holding grudges.

Negatively believe “It’s always your way or the highway!” when under severe relationship distress.

Secretly wish to be more assertive and speak more bluntly.

Are natural-born team players with strong intuitive skills to use in the game of life.

Instigator communicators:

Experience the self as interpersonally insensitive.

Drive from their strength of genuineness.

Forget the past and move on because failure and rejection roll off their backs.

When stressed they think negatively and then unexpectedly talk out in negative words.

Ding E-types for being too soft and wishy-washy.

Listen selectively with one ear, with a goal to catch only the top headlines in the Daily Talk News.

Can become lost in the fog of impatience, irritation, and anger (their Achilles’ heel).

Are strategic experts who are natural-born problem-solvers.

Suffer from excessive self-esteem or the-glass-is-half-full thinking, which optimizes the negative.

Think deeply about impacts of a career in order to make life changes.

Are too thick-skinned; they don’t take things personally enough and their feelings don’t get hurt easily enough.

Regret speaking too much before thinking and not biting their tongues often enough.

Are prone to displeasing too much or telling you what you don’t want to hear, then withholding compliments.

When under severe relationship distress, negatively feel, “You’re right. It is my way or the highway!”

Secretly wish to be less aggressive and speak more diplomatically.

Are natural-born leaders with strong personalities to use in the game of life.

Are You an Empathizer or an Instigator?