News, views and top stories in your inbox. Don't miss our must-read newsletter Sign up Thank you for subscribing We have more newsletters Show me See our privacy notice Invalid Email

Dear Coleen

I have been married for just over three years – it’s the second marriage for both of us.

However, I’ve called time on it so often that it now feels as if we’re in the last chance saloon, although I still love him and he says he loves me.

The problem is that he likes to go out and “watch the football”.

I have no issue with him supporting his team, but there’s always an excuse to go out – a big match involving other teams, for example.

I don’t want to sit in on a Friday night while he “pops out”, only to come back three or four hours later.

Then, on Saturday, he’ll disappear mid-afternoon for three or four hours, then he asks me to meet up with him for a meal.

But when he’s been drinking all day, I’m not interested. The same thing happens on Sunday.

We don’t get a day without him just having to “pop out to see the game” – and have a drink!

He’s happy for me to tag along, but I want some ‘our time’ and not to be relegated to being one of his mates, although he seems to spend more time with them than me.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want at least one day at the weekend for us that doesn’t revolve around the football fixtures.

I want the man I fell in love with – the most thoughtful, kind, caring affectionate man I could have wished for.

I feel like a spare part right now and we’ve only had sex once in eight months, and that was on holiday. He just doesn’t seem to care like he once did.

I’ve told him I want out as I’m so fed up with the same old arguments, but he doesn’t think he does anything different to other guys and it’s “normal”.

Most of his mates are single, which is obviously why he thinks that way.

My dad died last year. Just after the funeral I had a major op and my mum ended up in hospital, too.

It was a very stressful time, but he still spent his weekends in the pub watching football.

How many times do you draw a line before you say enough is enough?

Coleen says

I think the line has been drawn. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable – I get that he wants to watch his own team, but I think disappearing all weekend from Friday to Sunday is unreasonable when you have a partner.

If he won’t give you one day over the weekend, then I wouldn’t blame you for saying enough is enough.

And it’s not the football, it’s the fact that he’s absent all the time and you are starting to live separate lives.

You’re losing the intimacy and the connection you once shared, which is why you’ve only had sex once in eight months.

The thing is, you can’t keep giving him ultimatums and not following through on them – he just doesn’t think you’re serious.

Now you need to give him an ultimatum and stick to it. If he ignores you, then leave and stay with a friend or your family.

Make him see what he has to lose. It’ll either terrify him into making some changes or he won’t be bothered. If it’s the latter, then I’d say it’s over.

It’s good and healthy to have separate interests and separate friends, but you have to compromise to win at the game of marriage.

* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan's advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems