“Ladies and gentlemen, we are nearing the end of America and the world. This is what we have been waiting for for so god damn long. I need you all to go through the check list for survival. Ammo, more ammo, lots more ammo and of course a little de-ionised water. Plus just for $49.95 you can have a tiny bottle of peace of mind and the knowledge that you will be safe from Beelzebub, or other Illuminati gods. Don’t forget to buy a box of my new Infoward Pneumatic Impulse serum, and I’ll throw in a fly swatter to keep out the DARPA robotic poison injecting devil flies from your bunker,” Alex Jones broadcast yesterday.

Here’s that checklist again:

1) Dose of fear

2) More fear and a bucket of NSA Go Away juice.

3) Shitloads of ammo

4) Anti-Illuminati serum

5) More f*cking fear

6) Aaargh!