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Following Sunday’s humiliating 4-0 defeat away at Liverpool and as a result of years of failure and steady decline, it has been revealed to The Watford Gazette that members of the Arsenal squad are digging an escape tunnel at their London Colney training ground, which is said to run under the bordering hedge and into Watford FC’s facility. “They’re just sick of it all now” said our source, who wished to remain anonymous. “Sunday was the final straw. Every day the players look over the hedge at what Watford are doing and I think over time they’ve just got jealous, they would be loved there, even if they only won the FA Cup and qualified for the Europa League”. When asked how the breakout has been developed our source said “Wenger thought it was surprising that a few of the lads wanted to stay behind after training after their defeat away at Stoke, but he thought nothing of it. Whilst he was in his office they would be digging their way under the hedge and into Watford’s training ground. Come to think of it, it explains the shortage of spoons we’ve had recently in the canteen”. Our source continued “I believe the hole is currently being hidden by some sticks, Oxlade-Chamberlain’s now urine stained training gear and the head of Gunnersaurus”. When asked if Watford knew anything about the escape our source replied “I’m not sure, though there’s been a telescope in Gino Pozzo’s office pointing directly at the first team’s training pitch ever since Leicester went 2-1 up against us on the opening day”. The Watford Gazette is led to believe that a number of players will be making their way through the tunnel shortly before the transfer window closes, with their P45’s already filled out. It is yet to be confirmed whether Watford are planning on sending Nathan Ellington into Arsenal’s training ground via the tunnel, in order to pretend to be Lacazette, so Wenger and his coaching team do not get suspicious.

@WatfordGazette