The 17 best questions Roger Goodell didn't answer during Reddit AMA

Chris Chase, USA TODAY Sports | USATODAY

Roger Goodell did an "Ask Me Anything" session at Reddit on Monday and the results were as predictable, and warm, as the NFL commissioner's upcoming reception in New Orleans.

Users left over 3,000 questions and comments in the first hour Goodell's AMA was posted. The commish answered 14, but said little of substance and nothing he wouldn't have said to ESPN, USA TODAY Sports, CBS or any other mainstream media outlet.

Why make the journey to reddit then? If the answers are all canned, doesn't that only reiterate the perception that Goodell is buttoned down and boring? You have to be engaging to please the online masses. All Goodell needed to do was promote the virtues of bacon, list facts about narwhals or show off his self-created animated advice animal meme and they'd have been making a thread entitled r/goodellrules.

The highlights were in the questions Goodell didn't answer. We've listed 17 of the best. The main takeaway: Saints fans sure are whiney.

• If Jonathan Vilma and a dog were trapped in a car on fire and you could only save one of them, what would you name the dog?

• What if Tom Brady had kicked Ed Reed AND had his socks too low?

• How high are your socks right now?

• When are you gonna retire so the NFL can have a commissioner who isn't a hypocritical idiot?

• Roger Goodell, would you rather fight 100 duck sized JJ Watts or 1 horse sized Aldon Smith?

• Who would you rather fine: 100 duck-sized James Harrisons or 1 James Harrison-sized duck?

• Would you rather face off against a James Harrison sized duck or a 100 duck sized James Harrisons?

• Would you rather fight 100 duck sized Ray Lewises, or 1 Ray Lewis sized duck?

• Would you rather fight one Rob Gronkowski-sized Ray Rice, or ten Ray Rice-sized Rob Gronkowskis?

• Would you rather fight 1 Ndamukong Suh sized duck or 50 duck sized Ndamukong Suhs?

• Would you rather fight 100 duck sized JJ Watts or 1 horse sized Clay Matthews?

[Want more info on the duck-sized meme? Of course you do.]

• Mr. Goodell, Who decided that Train was a good Pro-bowl half-time show?

• if Boba Fett became a head coach, would you fine him for bounty hunting?

• How many times has James Harrison been fined in the two minutes you have been doing this AMA?

• Were you aware that your image was used in multiple floats for a recent Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans? One of the floats, called Superhole XLVAG, had you being eaten by a giant vagina. What was your reaction?

• Who do feel is the most attractive player in the league? Please rate on a scale of 1 to Sex Cannon.

• Did you practice this handshake for many hours? How has your street cred improved since said handshake?*

• Before you go to bed at night, do you check the closet for James Harrison?

And, finally, it wouldn't be a reddit AMA without this question:

• Do you like cats?

* Update: Goodell answered the handshake question: "When I met with the players the day before the draft, Melvin asked if I would give him a special handshake. He showed it to me and then we practiced one time. It was fun, glad I didn't screw it up for Melvin."