Every morning, without fail, my 1 year old asks for a banana. Every morning, I seat him in his highchair and place a cup of milk and a banana before him. I never peel the banana myself, because Emmitt is a very independent, and refuses to eat a banana he has no peeled on his own. And every morning, he peels the banana, takes a big bite, and throws the rest on the floor. His father and I discipline him for this every time, and every time he reluctantly throws his arms around in frustration and kicks his feet to let us know his displeasure. I used to get angry, and raise my voice and stomp my own feet, but one day, after many months of this, I remembered what my father used to tell me, “It’ okay to be upset; it’s how you handle it that matters”.

I tell you this story to plead with you. If you or someone you love represents a community that feels as though it has been mistreated and discounted, I apologize on behalf of those who never will. But I beg you to see, that amongst all of our differences, the black community and law enforcement are both worthy of praise.

I’d like to first address the black community. throughout history, many of your ancestors were mistreated and abused. I will not undermine that and write it off with insignificance. You deserve to be recognized as the lineage of strong and able-bodied men and women who fought for the freedoms they were not originally allowed. But just as you fear for your children and their safety in the presence of law enforcement, mothers and fathers and children of officers also live in fear for the lives and protection of those they love in blue. You are both afraid; please know that you are both afraid.

To those in law enforcement, you are brave to uphold a community and to see it as your duty, when it is really your choice. Throughout history, you have been a glue that holds our communities together, and you have fought for our ability to live in peace. It is evident in the character of many officers that you too come from a lineage of strength and perseverance, and a dedication to others. But understand that, for every few of you that upholds the law with dignity, there is an officer who has abused his power and displayed unfair treatment to members of the black community. Because of this, these communities have now rallied in desperation and pursuit of equality, just as they did so many years ago. I’ll say it again, you are both afraid.

You represent the shades of beatings a bruisings, of which you have both withstood. Neither of you are weak or able to be defeated, as you have so evidently shown through the tests of time. But I ask you, as a mother, as a sister, as a friend, as a wife: why not unite? It has been shown throughout history that when two powerful armies merge rather than quarrel, the result is victory. After all, aren’t you all seeking the same thing: safety?

In response to corrupt officials and black on blue violence, I say this: do not punish one another for the poor decisions of an individual. I have heard many of you say that you do not condone the behavior of those that claim they represent your people group. Do not let them. Science tells us that there will always be outliers. History tells us that there will always be violence. Let us not dwindle on what we cannot change.

I pray for the families who live in fear, both from a hurting community and a wounded profession. It seems as though both have been scarred and are attempting to rebuild. Franz Kafka, a german author of the 20th century, says this:

“There are some things one can only achieve by a deliberate leap in the opposite direction.”

followed by Justina Chen Headley of Standford University:

“You raze the old to raise the new.”

We have been fooled by our pasts of violence that we must proceed in the same way to get where we want to be. It is apparent from these last few months of bloodshed and fighting that this mindset is incorrect. Let us run the other direction, let us do what is doubted. Let us love.

“It’s okay to be upset, it’s how you handle it that matters.”