When they asked if I was a homosexual I knew my life was about to change (Picture: Carl Austin-Behan)

I’ve done a lot with my life since being expelled from the RAF 23 years ago for being gay, but I can still remember that day as if it was yesterday.

Just three years after I was kicked out, the Ministry of Defence lifted their ban on LGBT personnel serving in the armed forces.

However, two decades on, we’re still seeing the government apologise for their archaic policy, after it recently emerged that catholic priests had broken trusts and outed gay and lesbian soldiers in the 1990s.

Such stories trigger a lot of emotions and old memories for me.




It was 15 April 1997 and I remember clearly being called in to see senior RAF personnel and the RAF police. When they asked if I was a homosexual I knew my life was about to change.

As they began to ask me again, I broke down crying before they could finish.

Once I composed myself I explained that I’d been expecting this interview. The lad I was seeing told me he’d informed the RAF, thinking it would just mean I wouldn’t be posted overseas.

In preparation for the interview I told everyone I worked with and none of them had a problem with it.

Due to my exemplary service record, the awards I received, and the charity work I’d undertaken, they decided to suspend me from duty rather than send me to military prison – which was still an option.

I was marched off camp within an hour, just enough time to be able to throw everything I had into boxes, which the RAF would deliver to an address of my choice.

I wasn’t able to see anybody or say goodbye and I was suspended for six months pending their application for administrative discharge.

It felt like my whole world, as I knew it, had been smashed apart within a split second.

It felt like my whole world, as I knew it, had been smashed apart within a split second (Picture: Carl Austin-Behan)

From day one of joining, I loved the RAF with a passion. It was 1991 and I was 19 when I found out I had been accepted and signed up for nine years’ service.

When I enlisted I was asked: ‘Just need to check you’re not gay? We have to ask. Just sign there.’ I didn’t even answer the question. I still have the paperwork.

When I told my mum I’d joined the RAF she said I couldn’t because I’d once tried to come out to her when I was about seven. I knew by then I was gay, but at the time she just brushed it off as just a phase, so I reminded her of that.

After completing my training I was posted to RAF Chivenor. While there I was awarded the Royal Humane Society’s bronze medal for my efforts in saving a member of aircrew from the burning wreckage of his Hawk aircraft.



Then, in 1996, I was recognised in the Queen’s Birthday Honours due to my professionalism, devotion to duty and the contributions I made to the wider aspects of service life.

Before I was expelled I was about to be promoted to corporal and it had been indicated that my service would be extended to 22 years.

But it wasn’t all plain sailing; I’d been living a double life for six years, after all. While I wasn’t on camp or around other RAF personnel I would see lads, but while on base and with fellow airmen I would live the life that society said was ‘right.’

During this time I even saw girls, one of whom became pregnant. We got engaged on my 21st birthday, but she miscarried not long after and we eventually broke up.

To say I gave everything to the RAF would be an understatement, so when I was kicked out I lost my career, friends, family, home and lifestyle. It felt like my future, as well as my past, had been wiped out.

I drove out of the camp gates not knowing which way to go – I didn’t want to go back to my hometown of Manchester as I had let all my family and friends down.

It felt like I was a criminal and that everything I had achieved whilst in the RAF was actually worthless (Picture: Carl Austin-Behan)

It felt like I was a criminal and that everything I had achieved whilst in the RAF was actually worthless.

I started driving, just to see where I would end up, but soon had to pull over and sat crying for hours.


Eventually I plucked up the courage to just drive home, where the next few weeks were just a blur.

During that time I received a written formal warning. I was told my sexuality was ‘incompatible with service life’ and despite my ‘excellent service’ I was being discharged.

I wrote to the prime minister at the time, Tony Blair, my local MP Graham Stringer and Dr John Reid MP, the defence secretary to challenge the decision. I wrote it on bright coloured paper so it would stand out.

The response acknowledged my ‘excellent record’ and my achievements in the RAF but ultimately the government would take the same position and that it would be looked at again in the future.

After that letter I just had to get on with my life. Since leaving the forces I’ve served with the fire service, set up a promotions company and raised money for charity. I’ve also married my long term partner Simon, became the first openly gay lord mayor of Manchester, LGBT advisor to Andy Burnham and was recently awarded an OBE in the Queen’s New Year’s Honours List.

Even after the ban was lifted on 12 January 2000, the RAF never contacted me or asked me to re-join, although I often thought about it.

I guess the weeks became months, and the months became years. Life took its own course, but I still miss it.

I have never felt that it was the Armed Forces who were to blame for my discharge. In my opinion, it was the fault of respective governments and they should have reviewed the law accordingly by the 1990s.


Although I am grateful that the RAF has apologised for such a breach of trust, I hope that this is just the start of putting right so many things that were so wrong back then – and to continue the progress of LGBT equality, diversity and inclusion right the way through our armed forces.

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