Heil everyone, local racist Clint Zahra here.

These are busy times for racists like me. We’re working around the clock to spread our hatred for black people all over social media. This is basically Christmas for us.

Despite our tireless efforts, us racists could always use more help. But we also understand you might not want to be as out and proud about your bigotry as some of us. You’re a respectable, church-going member of the community, after all.

Don’t worry – you don’t have to say something as direct as ‘I’m happy that black people are drowning’ to be one of us. Here are six more subtle ways to be racist without actually sounding racist:

“I’m not racist, but…”

A timeless classic. How can the thing you’re about to say be racist when you’ve just said you aren’t racist? It’s basically magic.

Use with caution, though – don’t try something like “I’m not racist, but black people are stupid.” That would give the game away somewhat.

“Charity begins at home”

‘Charity begins at home’ is the trendy new kid on the block. Everyone knows that if you repeat a proverb over and over, you can’t be wrong. We can’t look after the whole of Africa when we have our own crisis to deal with. We need to protect our own. It doesn’t matter that we got Covid-19 from Europe, not Africa. Rule one of racism is don’t ever let facts get in the way of racism.

The best thing about ‘charity begins at home’ is that you can say it even if you’ve never actually done anything charitable, aside from maybe give €10 to L-Istrina every now and then. Now, go and take the piss out of L-Istrina founder Peppi Azzopardi.

“We’re full up”

You don’t run the country, have little idea about its actual capacity and have never felt inconvenienced by a migrant, but ‘we’re full up’ is a powerful image, like when you’re on a packed bus and can’t move.

Only use it in the context of migration, of course. Never when you’re stuck in traffic behind hundreds of Maltese-owned cars, or struggling to find a nice spot in the Blue Lagoon because of all the white tourists choking the place. Nope, we’re only full when it comes to boat people.

Blame it on the NGOs

Whether it’s Birdlife or Seawatch, NGOs are a favourite punching of certain sections of the great Maltese public, including ours. For starters, they aren’t part of either Labour or PN, so that’s confusing. They tend to be comprised of foreigners. Strike Two. And they also like trying to stop us Maltese from doing things we enjoy, like shooting small animals and discriminating. Strike three. Barra.

Simply repeat the claim that migrant NGOs are collaborating with people traffickers. If someone calls bullshit, link them a poor-quality Youtube video by a far-right German politician that claims to feature ‘new evidence’ of collaboration even though it doesn’t. Don’t worry, you don’t actually have to watch the video yourself.

This way, it looks like you have the migrants’ well-being at heart. You’re such a good person (tee hee).

“A responsible mother doesn’t put her child on a boat”

This is my personal favourite. What kind of mother would put her child on a boat that could easily sink? Surely not a white European one. Even if she faced certain danger behind her, a Maltese mother would turn around, unsheath her sword and go charging into the enemy like the brave shield maiden she is. Even if that enemy is something amorphous like climate-change-induced poverty.

But not these inferior African mothers, who seem to just put their kids on boats for the lols. Probably because they have like 20 of them or something.

“Imsieken”

This one is perhaps the most subtle one of all. What could possibly be racist about calling someone ‘miskin’. Surely you’re expressing sympathy, right?

You and I both know that what you’re really saying is: ‘if only these poor wretches were white and Christian. Then they’d have enough intelligence not to cross the sea and fix their own problems at home. Imma jaħasra, suwed hux, they don’t know better.’

Now you have enough phrases to hide your racism in plain sight. Just know that liberal idiots will call anyone who doesn’t agree with them a racist, even if you only express a little bit of hate for black people. Stupid libtards.

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