People (mostly women) who think “male tears” is okay to say are horrible. For a surprising majority of male tears responses, the male that is being mocked has a legitimate problem. I am a woman and used to be a feminist. I actually thought that male tears was harmful at one point. It changed when I saw it in action.

I used to work at a women’s shelter in my town. I volunteered and helped mentally and physically abused women get their lives back together. About month in, a white male who happened to be my neighbor knocked on the door. His head had dried blood on it, he was heavily bruised, and he was crying. Apparently, his new wife had beat him and kicked him out of his own house. I’ve met her before. I very rarely use this word, but she was the pure definition of a bitch. She was rude, she was violent, she took money out of donation boxes in fast food restaurants. I don’t see what that guy saw in her, but he was a good person. In response to him asking us for help after explaining his situation, my (now former) friends told him to leave. They kept chanting “wah wah, male tears.” and stated that a privileged man like him didn’t deserve to have access to the shelters. They made stupid comments about how he might rape the other women and that we wouldn’t waste medical supplies on him. They kicked him out and told him to go to a men’s shelter. What they didn’t know was that there were no men’s shelters in the city. We have over a dozen women’s shelters, but none for men. He walked about half a mile away. Apparently he didn’t have his car either, before i couldn’t see him anymore. It turns out he made it to a black shelter and was accepted. The black shelter, unlike the shelter I worked, allowed anyone of any color or gender in. Even though they were a black shelter, they didn’t see people as “oppressors”, but as people who needed help. I left that shelter to volunteer at the better one. Obviously I was appalled at the treatment of the man in need with only assumptions to persuade people to turn him away. That man needed help, but was denied because of his gender and the color of his skin. Because the girls just saw “privilege” and turned him away with the justification of “wah wah, male tears.” It was disgusting.

The worst time that I heard it was while I was at a bar with other friends. A guy in his early 30’s came in crying. He ordered one of the cheap drinks and asked us if we had any work for him. He said that his 3 kids were in the hospital across the street. All three had the same genetic disease that kept them in there in pain. He was a single parent apparently ran out of money and insurance to pay the hospital. Instead of the understandable ‘he might be scamming us’ thought, my friends and a few people in the bar did the bawling eye motion that represents “wah male tears” Then a few tried talking to him about the statistics of single mothers in America, telling him that he had it better than them because he was a man. This guy had all three kids in the hospital and all these people could think about was making him feel bad. AS a woman, one of my greatest fears is having a child, loved one, or worse, multiple loved ones in the hospital. No one cared because he was a guy. Some older people there said that that guy spent almost every night there drinking cheap alcohol and crying over his kids. All he did was ask us if we had work for him to pay hospital bills and he was met with asshole drunks who made fun of him.

Freaking stop male tears. I don’t care what reason you have for it. It’s hurtful. There are real people with worse problems than you. Even small problems or injustices shouldn’t be met with your little joke. Silencing someone or ignoring their troubles strictly because of your assumptions about their gender is sexism an maybe you should reevaluate yourself before you spread your hateful words.

At the very least, refrain from saying “Male Tears”. It needs to stop.