This is a relationship blog, that means we will cover all parts of relationships and how to deal with them, including how to start one (how to pick up chicks, woot! and for girls, how to attract the RIGHT guy), how to deal with various problems once it gets going, how to make your partner happy, dealing with marriage, dealing with break-up and divorce, how to get your ex back (if you want), how to move on when it’s over, etc. etc. etc.

Right now I’d just like to cover a few very general, basic, ground rules for relationships that I’ve gotten from my own experience and from talking with friends:

Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.

No “zinging.” Many of us think a little, friendly “zing” or sarcastic remark is harmless. Not so. In fact, one of the number-one indicators of underlying conflict or negativity within a work environment or relationship is increased sarcasm. There is nothing harmless about it. (teasing is ok, just don’t be insulting, no matter how mild or ‘harmless’ you think it is)

Don’t interrupt. It’s not only rude, but it often creates the opposite of what we want to achieve. When we interrupt, we generally think we will end or reduce the length of the conversation, but the opposite is true.

Respect, respect, respect. Inside and outside the relationship, act in ways so that your partner always maintains respect for you. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.

Learn to negotiate. Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people’s needs are fluid and change over time, and life’s demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

Accept and embrace your partner’s differences.

You get out of it what you put into it.

Remember your partner isn’t perfect. Many times we love our partner so much that we see them as more perfect than other people in our life. In this light, we hold them to an ideal, one that embraces the thought that this person will not hurt us.

Treat your spouse with the respect and kindness you show your friends. You married your best friend, but sometimes you may not feel this way. Still, they deserve the courtesies and kindness you bestow on your friends. (maybe seems stupidly obvious, but if you’ve ever seen a couple quarreling and saying things to each other so nasty that you wouldn’t say them to your worst enemy, you know what I mean)

Make Time to Cuddle. Cuddling is romantic and proven to produce closeness between couples. However, spouses should part ways once they drift off into a deep sleep. If not, they will only wake up to a hot, sweaty, clingy entanglement. This is obviously not what spouses want to associate cuddling with.

Keep the drama out of your relationship! Many people have a secret (or not so secret) penchant for drama. The popularity of reality tv shows is evidence of this phenomenon. And it’s not just women tuning in to watch the highly competitive and sometimes back-stabbing among “Project Runway” designers and models for example. High-adrenaline shows marketed towards men like “Deadliest Catch” about the Alaskan crab fishing industry is wrought with tension, fighting, mishaps and roller coaster emotions. Drama is just fine when you choose to watch it on tv, but it can prevent connection in your love relationship.

I just saw U2 3D film (click here to view it) and I was very impacted by this concert. Bono’s message of peace pervaded the entire film and along with the dynamic music and talented musicians, this was quite an experience.

The message was clear in this film–Coexist even though we are all different.