Published on September 22nd, 2019By Yasmin Benoit



It’s tragically rare for platforms to amplify asexual voices, and sometimes it’s hard to get asexual people who are willing to speak openly about their sexuality. Getting people to speak on large platforms about pornography isn’t much easier, that’s why I was elated when Erika Lust asked me to write about the two topics together, just in time for Asexual Awareness Week. There seems to be a lot of intrigue around what asexual people think about porn. I know because it’s one of the first things that people ask me when they learn that I’m asexual, and I’ve spoken to enough asexual people to notice an awkward pattern emerging.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that’s characterized by a lack of sexual attraction towards any person of any gender. In essence, it’s a sexual orientation that isn’t really oriented anywhere. It can also be thought of as an absence of sexuality. It has nothing to do with attitudes towards sexuality, or your ability to have sex or be attracted to someone in different ways. And yet, asexuality is too-often associated with sex-repulsion and sex- negativity. That’s why it’s often assumed that asexual people are disgusted by the mere thought of having sex. Therefore, pornography should be our kryptonite.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that’s characterized by a lack of sexual attraction towards any person of any gender. It has nothing to do with attitudes towards sexuality.

I’ve seen the media try to test this theory multiple times, often using what I like to call the ‘sex shop test.’ I first noticed this in the BBC3 documentary, tactfully titled, “I Don’t Want Sex,” which I unfortunately happened to be in. The producers put an asexual guy in a sex shop, placed him in room full of dildos, just to have someone say to him, “I can see that you’re uncomfortable in here, it’s all about sex!” I’ve travelled as far as the Czech Republic and found that the ‘sex shop test’ is used there too – the awkward scene was mirrored with uncomfortable similarity in their 2018 documentary, Asexualove.

But not all asexual people squirm at the sight of sexual material. In fact, quite a lot of us are either neutral to it, or are quite into it. Keep in mind, that it isn’t uncommon for asexual people to – wait for it – have sex, and we can actually enjoy it. Not to mention that asexual people are fully capable of pleasuring ourselves if need be. Not experiencing sex attraction can make achieving sexual pleasure a little different for asexual people, but that doesn’t make it impossible. Sexual attraction or the desire to have sex with someone are not essential for the appreciation of pornography, erotica, sex toys, kink culture, or anything else along those lines.

While I’ve never been the sex toy type, I’ve seen other forms of sexual material the same way as I see watching sports or listening to fast music before working it. Stimuli, inspiration, something to make me think about sexual pleasure before I try to attain it myself – if necessary. But this article isn’t about me. I posted on Twitter and asked other asexual people to share their thoughts on sexual material like pornography or erotica, and was surprised by how many (anonymous) responses I received. They revealed the complexity and diversity of asexuality, and showed the various ways and reasons why porn isn’t necessarily an asexual kryptonite.

Sexual attraction or the desire to have sex with someone are not essential for the appreciation of pornography, erotica, sex toys, kink culture, or anything else along those lines.

Some respondents said that sexual material helped them to learn more about their asexuality. “I think porn, toys, and erotica are helpful because there are definitely people on the Ace spectrum who are trying to figure out how sex-positive/sex-repulsed they are. And it’s easier to discover those preferences on your own compared to with another person,” one asexual Twitter user explained.

Another spoke specifically of their use of erotica and pornography, and how it not only helped them to explore their sexuality, but it helped them to learn about other people’s experiences:

“Engaging with sexual content allows me to learn about sexuality and desire in a safe and controlled environment, on my terms. I think sex is a fantastic thing, even though I don’t want to have it myself, and I don’t like the shame and pressure surrounding it. I’m more comfortable with my asexuality now because of access to explicit content. I enjoy reading explicit fanfiction because it allows me to understand the emotions connected with sexual intimacy, without having to experience it personally. It’s different from when I watch porn; I don’t get the same connection to the emotions of the participants, but I get to appreciate the visuals of their bodies moving together.”

Engaging with sexual content allows me to learn about sexuality and desire in a safe and controlled environment, on my terms.

Aesthetic attraction is also common among asexual people, but when it comes to porn, that doesn’t necessarily apply to the performers. A respondent explained that they are “often drawn to videos with good/interesting lighting, framing and other such things instead of a sexual attraction to the people depicted that most people seem to experience.” Another anonymous respondent had a similar experience, and expressed a specific preference for Erika Lust’s porn over more mainstream porn. (No, I didn’t ask them to say that!)