So the other day someone mentioned in the comments of this post that submissive men might not be the most likely people to save the world seeing as how submissive men are no very superhero-y. How are they going to fly with that testicle weight attached?

But of course, here is where I smile sagely at you and you realise I am already three laps ahead. Submission is heroic. More than that *all* heroes are submissives. All heroism is submission. They are the same thing. Superheroes might as well be called super-submissives the way they carry on with their self sacrifice and their getting tortured so often anyone would think they had it written into their contracts.

(And you know, deep down in the irrelevance retaining database I like to call a brain I am sure there is some connection between Eric Stanton (who I like a lot more than you probably would expect me to) and – I think – Spiderman that would make me seem awfully well informed if I could remember what it was.

(Ah! Of course Wikipedia has now superseded actual remembering of anything ever.))

But the point is simply this. Male submission and the archetypal heroic narrative are basically interchangeable. But somehow submissive men (and, I guess, a lot of people in general) seemed to have been tricked into thinking submission is basically feminine; that submissive men need to create feminine personas to make their submission make sense, get I touch with their feminine sides.

Which is bollocks.

Male submission is not female submission. Does not need to be. And the thing about female submission is that it is so fucking everywhere. Draped about the place. I see about twenty trillion-gazillion pictures of women tied up every day just surfing about. And I am not going *looking* for distressed damsels. I am not surfing porn sites. I just surf sex blogs and kinky community sites – where usually the first thing that seems to have been done for this ‘community’ is to assume everyone is a male dom. I don’t know about you, but I really do find that very welcoming and community-y.

Tied up women are like the default image for kink. Oh yeah, you’re kinky, you’ll be wanting some pictures of tied up women then.

But, hey, don’t be disheartened, because sometimes, for extra fun in amongst all the tied women pics their might be a picture of a woman doing some tying! Yay! Tying up another women! Um…

Why? Why!? WHY!?

Homophobia/misogyny/heterosexism/patriarchy, darling, that’s why. Here’s the shitty little deal. In kink porn everyone looks at the sub. They are the ones with the fancy bondage and the pained expressions and the fireworks up their arses. If you’re a dom you look at the sub and imagine you’re topping them, if you’re a sub you look at the sub and imagine you *are* them. Everyone’s gaze falls naturally onto the sub. Now, here’s where everyone comes unstuck trying to make F/m porn. No pornographer on the face of the earth can get his pretty little head around making porn where we naturally look at the man rather than the woman. Therefore (stay with me) it is actually completely *impossible* to make F/m porn.

So they hardly bother. (And when they do the point of focus tends to go a bit wangy.)

Instead they mostly make F/f instead for femdom, ’cause that’s kind of the same (if you ignore me and anyone like me) and then you have dom woman stuff but – wahey – the sub is a woman and we are all looking at a woman and – phew! – heterosexuality (that delicate flower) has been saved once again from the ravages of men looking at other men and feeling slightly aroused.

(Psst – Tell you what, girls, we’ll file all the naked men under gay porn. You can go there and the straight guys will know not to look at that. That okay? I mean, it’s not offensive or anything to mark all porn featuring men as homoerotic. Like women don’t fucking exist as viewers. Fuck. As if women’s only role is to be *in* the porn. You utter cunts. God, sometimes, I really do hate everything in this misogynistic wankfest that calls itself beedeeessem)

And, of course, I am only complaining about this because I forgot for one tiny moment that in the big wide world of kink, dom women are rare and special and precious to the point of being the completely fucking irrelevant to everything underclass of kink. (The automatic revolving door for dom women is just there on your left, btw.)

But, you know, what with that being the situation – with so much femdom porn being full of F/f – who is surprised if male submissives have got confused and ended up thinking that, oh, if I want to get tied up, I better do a bit of gender fuckery.

Hold it right there, mister.

Because what you’re about to do. It makes no sense. Forget the fact that 90% of the images you see of dom women are of them tying up other women – that doesn’t mean a fucking thing about your submission. You don’t need to feminise yourself to submit – outside or in. That isn’t what submission is. That isn’t a more acceptable face of submission that you can wear to avoid being gimpy boy.

Also, you try and submit like a woman and it ends up making no fucking sense.

Witness the difference between male doms dressing their subs in slutty lingerie and female doms doing the same. With Mr Sir the expectation is that he is clearly making his girl wear hooker-wear because it gets his dick hard. Hooker-wear does indeed get men’s dicks hard – that kind of being the point of why hookers wear it. But when a woman humiliates her man with same slut-o-wear how is her sexuality being served?

Men, if you want to dress like a slut, (i.e you want to dress like your desperate screaming need for sexual humiliation overwhelms and degrades you – and really, please do) dress like a man-slut, damnit. Wear a white jockstrap and big black boots and a collar and shave your head and get some bits of metal slammed through your strategic points of interest. Yeah, you will look kinda gay. That is because gay men know how to sexualise men. In fact, if you look gay you’re doing it right.

Male submission is a masculine thing. You don’t need to be anything but you. And you know that thing you have between your legs that gets hard and demonstrates very visibly (and sometimes wetly) that you are aroused by your degradation. Yeah, that. Oh, baby – you had me at hello.

But joysticks aside, male subs are heroes. Everything we are ever told about good wholesome pure beautiful masculinity – everything women are taught to fall in love with about men – is right their in the bloody beating heart of male submission.

There isn’t a story of heroism ever told where the hero wasn’t a gorgeous fucking male submissive. And I’m going to fucking prove it.

The only difference between male submissives and every hero of every story is the part where the woman gets turned on by what my hero does. Because, as we know the part of every story where the man gets tortured and the woman gets wet has been erased in case male submissives find out we exist and start feeling okay about themselves. This would, unfortunately, destroy the world faster than China’s industrialisation.

Submissive men are heroes. Every time they take off their clothes. Which they should do both frequently and often.

Look, Prometheus stole fire for humans and was, in retaliation, tortured daily for 30,000 years (sm). Atlas holds up the fucking sky on his shoulders (predicament bondage).

And then there’s Jesus Christ. Where to begin? Sacrifice? Submission? Dying for all our sins? Nails? Hot jewish guy in pain and mostly naked? My god, my god, why have you forsaken me? He safewords on the cross! I fucking loved Sunday school.

Do you see what page I’m on? Every story of heroism. From then to now.

Dr Jack says to the evil ‘others’ in Lost – let my friends go and you can do what you want with me.

Angel goes back to fight in the Ring even when he could walk free because he can’t leave the other demons to their fate.

Goddamnit, Indy, where doesn’t it hurt?

And Elizabeth has covered Jack Bauer in detail. (She’s an inspiration – that woman.)

Oh yes, men suffering, every hero. It’s not that big a step from here to men locked in CBs, tied up in stress positions, clamped and weighted, begging for the strap, the cane, the gag, hurt and cut and burned and bruised and sweating. Kissing me with his face covered in blood and piss (-mine and his one day, his and mine another). Because that is it. It. That is why this stuff is so delicious like molten sugar and gold. What man doesn’t want to show what a man he is? Does what to demonstrate his machismo *like* *this*?

Male submission has a big image problem. Because how else are women failing to go nuts over men who are brave and gorgeous and fucked up and bloody when they clearly love it everywhere else but kink. Hard and hurting and desperate to prove how deep his love goes?

And the images we use to represent kink might have something to do with that