Wild Day In Spain

They say bad luck comes in threes. If that’s the case, good luck seems to come in fifth, as has been the case for Manor Mercedes in the past few races, and that proved to be the same for this weekend’s race in Spain.

Pastor Maldonado qualified fifth on the grid, while Felipe Massa qualified 11th. A poor start forced Maldonado to drop early, but was able to stay within the top five for the majority of the race; meanwhile, Massa began his move up the grid, the first driver in the field to do so with the assistance of DRS. The two ran 5th–6th during the race, but Maldonado began falling back, as far as 9th by lap 22. Maldonado’s woes continued after his front tyres went down, but was able to fight his way back up the grid, re-entering the top ten by lap 41. In the end, Massa finished 7th, while Maldonado concluded his wild day with a 9th-place finish, and interestingly, ending the race having dropped five positions.

Team principal macus16 described the odd “5th place” trend as part of former member ScariestLlama’s “fake coding” for shits and giggles, though it landed the team in some hot water. The criticism seemed rather unjustified, since 5th had only occurred twice during the year in five races (Turkey and Spain). The team attributes the finish to the dedication and effort of the Manor crew, especially manager spendidtree. Macus still believes the team will continue its push towards Band B, being miles ahead of rival BRM.

Next up is the streets of Monaco on 28 February, the site of Manor’s first points in the 2015 Model F1 season; let’s see who will qualify fifth this time around!

A Load of Bull

So you’re probably wondering why this week’s issue of Manor Motorsport Weekly came out a day later. Here’s the story.

After a certain meeting among the Mercedes engine-powered team bosses, Manor principal macus16 expressed signs of stress, and stated he could use a Red Bull. As a result, Maldonado and MMW head writer ZappaOMatic decided to help him out. By stealing a literal red bull from a rodeo event that Red Bull Racing had been promoting.

After breaking the bull out of Red Bull confines, the duo snuck into the Manor hotel. Macus, who kept an open-door policy, often leaves his door unlocked, which Maldonado took advantage of to sneak the bull in. However, Zappa, who was turning the bull into the doorway, accidentally pushed the bull into the wall, knocking out one of its contact lens, which was later revealed to help control its anger around red.

Seeing the two’s red outfits, the bull lost it and charged into the room, kicking Zappa across the hallway, running through macus’ room window and escaping. The two were subsequently arrested by hotel security. Maldonado was eventually released on bail, while Zappa was ordered to stay behind in the prison as punishment; he was released the next day. Since he was not at the race, Zappa had to track the event through listening to a TV that a prison guard left on in a nearby break room.

The folks at Manor Motorsport Weekly would like to apologise to Red Bull for the theft of their beloved cattle (and to the managers of Hotel Alonso for the damage incurred to their room).