Good lord, my Kenny-Powers-esque SS was out of control! As promised in messages leading up to my gift's arrival, he "SS'ed the shit" out of me. Don't excuse my french in my detailing below:

OUT. OF. FUCKING. CONTROL.

Upon recieving my package I curiously unrolled a piece of paper, which turned out to be nothing less than A FUCKING SCROLL. A scroll people, detailing the rational behind every gift included. I had mentioned I liked purple. The SCROLL WAS IN PURPLE.

Included: A book about eating animals, a HAND MADE leather tray from Oregon, SHWOOD sunglasses (he has claimed to have made by hand, but I am skeptical), access to a tasteful Spotify playlist, and an option to take the "black pill" and buy my BF something nice for 40% off at Black Manufacturing, an apparel company he FUCKING OWNS...or to take the "orange pill" and call him.

Read on to the aforementioned scroll and it will all make sense. Or maybe won't.

This man has either surpassed creativity as he has craftmanship (note #3), has enough money to hire a team to compile this, or just a whole lot of time on his hands. Whatever the reasoning, I am one happy girl, with a vocabulary that has been slightly corrupted.

Way to go Sam. Way to fucking go!