I was listening to The Friend Zone podcast last week and Fran make such a great point: there’s nothing wrong with being selfish. This really resonated with me because my ENTIRE life, people have expected - and later demanded - I place their needs above mine. After so many exhausting years of helping others before myself, I decided to stop.

Of course, I was called selfish repeatedly. Shit, even by my own mother (for refusing to deplete my savings for a man 🙄). In the podcast, they talk about the stigma surrounding the term selfish and how selfishness is necessary to persevering your mental and emotional health. I bout hit the floor.

Philogynoir has been mentally/emotionally exhausting to say the VERY least. If I’m not being trolled to hell, people are constantly asking to “pick my brain.” Yet they offer zero compensation for my time and labor. Most of these people are not black women by the way. When black women reach out, they are offering love and support. Most everyone else is asking for free labor.

The thing is, I don’t mind helping people. I don’t mind sharing knowledge with those who are looking to learn, but NIGGA, leave me alone sometimes. I freelance full-time while being a stay at home mom. Without adding in my chronic depression/anxiety, my life is hectic.

Video production takes days y'all. Days. I do this shit for a living (freelance videographer). If after taking 20+ hours to produce a video on Philogynoir, you are asking for MORE content, it’s often too much.

Again, I’m not a robot. I’m not saying don’t ask, but be mindful that I may not answer. That is not an excuse to attack me. Especially not while operating under the guise of a “fan.” Either you rock with ME - not Philogynoir, Bri - or you don’t. But what you not gon do is demand I mammy for you while you belittle me. You betta let that slave mentality go. Cuz look, I ain’t the one.

K?