Where was Jesus when this happened to me?

He was right there with you. God gave us all free will. (Joshua 24:15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve" NIV)

It was not our will to be raped but the overriding will of someone else to victimize us.

Why did he let this happen? I'm can't handle it!!

Yes, you can, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

God doesn't allow these things to happen so He will know what we can handle but so we will know what we can handle through Him. By leaning on Him for strength our faith has the opportunity to become more solid.

This isn't a punishment for something we did or didn't do. This is an opportunity to ground our faith firmer in His word.

Why doesn't He help me when I ask?

He loves us. If we allow Him, He will put help in our lives.

This help will be in many different ways. It could be in the form of people coming into our lives, medications to ease our distress or Bible and book passages which seem to help. It could be counseling, internet sites or books to read. It could be a well timed phone call from a friend or an inspiring email.

He'll send the help. Being open to using it is our choice. We don't have to use the help. We can choose to run from it but by running away from the help He sends we are also choosing to take longer to heal - or to not heal at all.

What do you mean "if we allow Him, He'll send help?"

Help is what I'm looking for.

Is it? Sometimes we confuse wanting help with wanting someone else to deal with this so we won't have to.

When we ask for help it will be sent. When we ask for someone else to carry this burden that might not happen. It's already been given to us to carry.

Recognizing help can be hard. I confess, there are times when I didn't realize that help was right in front of me and that's part of what makes recovery so difficult. Being able to recognize when the help we are asking for is available and sometimes even already happening is a challenge.

Through prayer, we are more able to see the help and use it. Keeping a prayer journal is tremendously helpful. Have you asked God lately to help you be aware of the help He's sent?

If God loves me why didn't He stop the attacker?

God doesn't directly intervene in our own lives. He does work for the good of those who believe in him. Psalm 66:5 "Come and see what God has done, how awesome are his works in man's behalf" NIV)

His voice on the subject of rape is quite clear (Deuteronomy 22:25 "But if out in the country a man happens to meet a girl pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. 22:26 Do nothing to the girl for she has committed no sin deserving death")