These are a bunch of brand slogans that, when presented on condom wrappers (not unlike the ones I find all over the sidewalk when I'm walking the dogs) suddenly become double entendres. Magical, I know. Inevitable follow-ups:

Pork. The Other White Meat. -- National Pork Board

You're in good hands with Allstate (but why am I wearing a condom?). -- Allstate

Taking Care of Business. -- Office Depot

When it absolutely, positively, has to be there overnight (even though you wish you could ask them to leave). -- Fed Ex

So easy a caveman can do it. (God, and they do too -- probably more than anyone else EXCEPT THEY NEVER WRAP IT UP) -- GEICO

I'm lovin' it. -- McDonald's

M'm! M'm! Good! -- Campbell's Soup

It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. -- Perdue Farms

It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. -- Timex

Home of the Whopper. -- Burger King

Connecting People. -- Nokia

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. -- Almond Joy/Mounds

Give me a break, give me a break; break me off a piece of that penis -- Kit Kat

I'm just gonna stop there -- nothing else I'll think of is gonna top those last two. Besides, even doing that made me feel kinda dirty -- like one of those people that repeatedly posts #Movietitlesthatsoundlikepornos or #terriblenamesforyourpenis for hours on end on Twitter. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU GOT NO DAMN LIFE, BRO -- go crash a BBQ or something, shit!

New Condoms Tumblr

via

Safe Sex Done Your Way: Wrap Your Dong in BK, XBOX, or KFC Condom? [obviouswinner] (also, "wrap your dong" FTW)