In sports, there's always a home field advantage. Maybe the crowd is very loud, maybe it's cold, maybe the sun hits the field in a funny way. But there's a difference between a home field advantage, and cheating.

The population in cities like Philadelphia creates an unfair disadvantage for the human race. As has been public knowledge for a long time, sports fans who travel to Philadelphia who do not have the proper amount of time to train for combat and get a tetanus shot, have trouble coping with barbaric and unwashed Philly fans. A fan from a cold weather climate participating in hot weather, that's tough. A person from any developed, first world place visiting Philadelphia, that's akin to a war crime.

We propose that all professional sports move teams out of Philadelphia, so fans can enjoy civilized spectacles of the sports we all care so much about.

We mean no offense to the people of Philadelphia, who deserve happiness. But fair is fair.