Who the fuck does Francis think he is? The pope? Well, not in this devout Catholic’s hymnal, he ain’t.

Where the hell does he get off saying that the death penalty is immoral? Seriously, who died and made him pope? The answer is nobody. The guy before him didn’t die. He just retired, probably because he was sick of how pussified the Catholic church had become.

I mean, what happened to the good old days when Catholics slaughtered Muslim terrorists by the thousands in the name of God? Where was Francis then? I don’t remember him speaking out against the Crusades at the time, which means he’s nothing but a hypocrite.

Oh, sure, it’s easy for him to be all pious and shit now. He doesn’t need to rouse up his base of cardinals with red meat anymore. He’s already got the position he’s always wanted. Shit, he doesn’t even have to worry about running for re-election, for Christ’s sake.

I have faith that the good people of this great state are smart enough to not listen to some judgmental asshole telling other people how to do their fucking job.

Well, I have some news for old Frank: Louisiana ain’t the Vatican. This state needs me as governor to save it from bleeding-heart liberals like John Bel Edwards, who refuses to kill every muthafucker on death row with his own bare hands. He’s emboldened hardened criminals by letting little things like the unavailability of lethal injection drugs and the U.S. Constitution get in the way of meting out some good ol’ fashioned American justice.

And now Francis says the death penalty is wrong, no matter how much I need to be governor? Man, fuck the pope. I want to kill muthafuckers.

I have faith that the good people of this great state are smart enough to not listen to some judgmental asshole telling other people how to do their fucking job. Louisiana has REAL Catholics – not the pussies who follow the pope.

P.S.: Stop asking about the cocaine under my house.