Are you still here? If so, that means you didn’t get raptured yesterday.

The good news is, nobody else got raptured either.

You would think that’d come as a shock to Christian numerologist (whatever that means) David Meade, who told the Daily Express earlier in the month that April 23 was the big day… even though he made similar claims that didn’t pan out for years before that.

So what does Meade have to say the day after the latest rapture didn’t happen? He was already bracing for the egg in his face over the weekend, telling the Guardian that we have it all wrong.

Numerous news organizations reported this week that the world would be destroyed on 23 April, citing David Meade, a Christian conspiracy theorist who has made a number of incorrect predictions about the end of the world. But in an interview with the Guardian, Meade described these reports as “fake news”. Meade, who has written 14 books — mostly focused on the end of the world or the mysterious planet Nibiru, thought by some to be on a collision course with Earth — said he does not in fact believe the world will end on 23 April. Instead Meade believes that the rapture — when Jesus will appear and save his followers but reject the rest — will occur at some point between May and December of this year. He would not be drawn on a specific date.

Clever man. He knows a specific date would be silly, so he’s going with a broader approach.

This further proves my theory that Jesus postpones his return for at least another century every time a believer ignores the Bible (which says no one can predict the date) and makes another baseless prediction.

