WHEN Jan Marshall met “Eamon Donegal Dubhlainn” on a dating website, the attraction was instant.

Ms Marshall had just moved from Brisbane to Melbourne and was looking for companionship when she signed up to Plenty of Fish, and within days she was contacted by a man who claimed to be a British engineer who was based in the US.

The relationship soon progressed to emails and then phone calls — and within four weeks, the couple were engaged to marry.

But then, the requests for money started pouring in.

“He told me I was special and what we had together was unique — he convinced me he was falling for me, and I fell in love with him,” Ms Marshall said.

“After four weeks I had agreed to marry him, that’s how strong it was.

“The process is called love bombing — they deliberately play with your emotions and make you fall in love, and once that happens you are in the honeymoon period and you release a hormone Oxytocin which decreases anxiety and increases trust. Once you’re in that state they manipulate you and start asking you for money.”

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Mr “Dubhlainn” first asked for a loan after claiming he was in Dubai doing maintenance on an oil pipeline and urgently needed more materials.

But it was only the first of many requests, and soon Ms Marshall had forked out $260,000 in savings, debt and superannuation.

“They have a knack for increasing the amount of urgency and danger they are in. They play on your emotions as you want to take care of them,” she said.

“It was only when he finally broke off all contact with me I finally admitted this had been a scam.”

After taking some money out of her superannuation to send to the conman, Ms Marshall ended up being taxed at the highest rate by the ATO, putting her a further $76,000 in debt.

“I was in dire straits. It has been tough — I’ve had to downsize and cut out any discretionary spending,” she said.

“I was depressed for 18 months and I really didn’t believe I was worth knowing. Victims take on a lot of shame, which is supported by the amount of victim blaming out there.”

Ms Marshall tried to get information about the scammer from Plenty of Fish, but the website refused to pass on any details as it would be considered a breach of client privacy.

But Western Union, which Ms Marshall had used to transfer the money to Dubai in 2012, revealed it had actually gone to Nigeria, meaning the 64-year-old was probably the victim of a Nigerian scamming ring.

“Australians are losing millions and it seems like nothing is being done. For us victims it feels like nobody even recognises us — there’s no support and even if you have tons of information [about the scammer] nothing happens, which is very, very frustrating,” Ms Marshall said.

“If it happened here the police would be on it like a shot but if it happens overseas there are no criminal charges and you are left in the lurch with nothing.”

Ms Marshall started a support group in 2015 for other victims and their friends and family and has also written a book about her experience titled Romance Scam Survivor: the whole sordid story.

She said it was almost impossible to break out when a victim was “under the spell” of a scammer.

“It is very important to be wary of people contacting you out of the blue, not just on dating sites but also on social media,” Ms Marshall warned.

“Be very careful about early expressions of love — it is important to stay open to the fact it might be a scam.

“And keep your friends overviewing what you are doing. They are very skilled at emotional manipulation and they encourage victims to reject their friends.”

Other red flags include the scammer pushing the victim to delete their dating profile and making excuses regarding why their webcam isn’t working, which means the victim only ever sees photos instead of live recordings.

“They are very good at creating a strong dream of an ideal future life and that’s very intoxicating because many of us are just hankering for love and affection and when you get it, you respond to it,” Ms Marshall said.

“But remember if you are manipulated by skilled professionals it’s nothing to be ashamed of, they aren’t treating you as an individual person. They’re just out to get your money.

“When this happens to the older age group it is devastating for their financial future. I’m almost 65, and I know I’ll be a poor pensioner because of the money I’ve lost.”

Sadly, Ms Marshall’s story is far from unique.

Comparison website finder.com.au recently analysed data from the ACCC and found Aussies have lost a staggering $3.55 million through dating scams this year alone.

That’s a 19 per cent increase from the same period in 2017, with 402 reported cases from January to March 2018.

The average victim of online dating fraud lost $8833 and just over half of those scammed are female, with 45 to 54 year olds most likely to fall victim.

Angus Kidman, tech expert at finder.com.au, said dating apps had given scammers another avenue to steal from lonely Australians.

“We are inviting these people into our innermost thoughts, but could easily be exchanging messages with a circle of fraudsters,” he said.

Mr Kidman urged Aussies to search their potential love interest’s name using Google and Google image and to always be suspicious of people asking for banking details or personal information such as your exact date of birth.

alexis.carey@news.com.au