World to recognise Moscow as capital of the United States

A huge majority of countries from across the globe are to fully recognise Moscow as the capital of the United States, in a move likely to anger some Americans.

The change of capital comes after US President, Donald Trump, formally recognised Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, contrary to a recently purchased 2018 Collins Essential Road Atlas, which definitely has it as Tel Aviv.

This morning, out-of-pocket by £12.99 world leaders formally retaliated by recognising the current US capital of Washington DC as merely a place where ‘a few Russians do their admin’.

Indeed Russians already own many key sites such as the Russian Embassy, several local radio stations and the US President.

However, the move is not without controversy, which if pronounced correctly, will see a Russian takeover of key religious sites such as the National Cathedral, the Basilica of the National Shrine and McDonald’s.

US commentator, Chuck Williams, said, “In recent years, Moscow has been a place where US Presidents could relax amongst friends, and rent a hotel room with a couple of prostitutes and a waterproof mattress.

“With the Russians already controlling US elections, the House of Representatives and The Senate, having it as the US capital should cut out any further unnecessary bureaucracy.

“It’s not ideal to have your capital in a different country, that’s true, but it should delay the forthcoming US race war by at least another two weeks.

However, not everyone has welcomed the move, with Trivial Pursuit player and Geography buff, John Goodier, asking us, “What the fuck am I supposed to answer if I land on a blue square?”