Bill Kristol, political commentator, magazine publisher, plotter of wars defending America Israel America Israel America’s putative friend that nobody really likes much any more because they act like dicks all of the time and are always getting into fights and expecting us to back them up or hold their hair back while they puke on the Palestinians — you know who I’m talking about, right? Yeah, those guys — and guy who is pretty much wrong about everything yet people keep asking his opinion for some goddam reason, has a Twitter account now.

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Located at @BillKristol because someone had already locked up @imanasshole, Kristol now has yet another platform to spread more wrongness in the face of reality, common sense, decency, and humanity. Undoubtedly we are about to see an uptick in the usage of hashtags #BombIran, #BombSyria #BombLibya #BombJordan #BombLebanon and #YOLO.

News that Kristol, who has never been right about anything ever ever ever in his life — he pitched Sarah Palin to John McCain, nuff said — had joined the Twitter spread far and wide, and folks came bearing advice and greetings… if telling someone “hello and get bent” can be characterized as a ‘greeting.’

It certainly works for me.

To save you the trouble of having to scroll through all the well-wishers and people who wouldn’t piss on Bill Kristol’s face if it was on fire, here is a sampling of how we greet strangers around these here Internet parts.

Bill began it with some deathless prose. In fact, probably the only prose with his name on it that didn’t result in someone else’s death.

At long last, I’m on Twitter: “If the mountaine will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet will goe to the mountaine.” — Bill Kristol (@BillKristol) October 13, 2014

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Response was muted at first: But then people got used to the idea and were able to express themselves more clearly, revealing their deepest and most heartfelt feelings:

Other reveled in their own creativity:

@BillKristol I want to put you in a diaper, then put you in a dumpster and roll the dumpster into a malarial swamp — Jack-o’Dantern (@dankmtl) October 13, 2014

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Some had dietary advice:

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Is it true you eat rabbit turds with chopsticks? @BillKristol — Fester Hotshit (@argelplinko) October 13, 2014

@BillKristol I wish you nothing but the absolute worst in this and all your future endeavors. Eat shit, then die — Bradley Herring (@BEHdc) October 13, 2014

While others complimented him on his good looks:

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@BillKristol your face looks like a melting scoop of vanilla ice cream — AK Lingering Malady (@aklingus) October 13, 2014

@BillKristol you’re a wet splattery dump — Communist ‘Я’MF (@robertmferguson) October 13, 2014

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Most importantly, one made a bold prediction:

That would certainly be a first for Bill Kristol, a man whose opinion is still sought no matter how many times he is Completely. Fucking. Wrong.