by The Commentator on 12 July 2013 14:43

Unhappiness is always sad; but it's not usually public. Britons call it the "stiff upper lip"; a very private affair. Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, has taken to calling it the whole "Shit Storm", a reference to the shambolic mess of the European Union that her voters now have to subsidise, and are very unhappy about indeed.

But pity Lithuania, a former Soviet republic and now a member of the European Union. It is being reported across the country's media that an enormous television screen is being mounted above city hall in the country's (stunning) capital, Vilnius.

In real-time, it will broadcast to residents whether they are feeling happy or unhappy at any given moment.

The move comes after a world-wide survey of 58 countries ranked Lithuanians the unhappiest people in the world after Serbians, Palestinians, Egyptians, and Romanians.

Technically, the barometer will be driven by emails and sms text messages from mobile phones. Citizens will give a rating from 1-10 whereby 1 is, presumably, a bridge-jumping level of depression, and 10, represents sheer, unadulterated ecstasy.

Reuters quoted the mayor of Vilnius as saying:

"This barometer is a great tool for politicians. If we take a decision and see a sharp fall in the mood of the city, then we know we have done something horribly wrong."

Quite why Lithuanians are so unhappy is as big a mystery to outsiders as it apparently is to the country's leaders. One 22 year-old female Lithuanian student of sociology contacted by The Commentator, and speaking on condition of anonymity (though we don't know why) said:

"It is true we don't have communism anymore, and yes our country and our capital city are very beautiful. But listen: we have no money, so God bless capitalism, no job prospects, everything is very expensive, nobody likes us or even knows who we are, and we live next door to Belarus, the last dictatorship in Europe, just until we have one too and make it the second to last."