In a typically self-effacing column, Piers Morgan describes the moment Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson interrupted a conversation he was having with 'A-list friends' Justin Timberlake, Samuel L Jackson and Pharell at the GQ Men of the Year awards.

' "Evening, Clarkson,’ I chuckled.

‘Evening, Morgan,’ he replied, slightly chastened, as Justin, Samuel and Pharell wondered who this rude, pot-bellied oaf was. I made an eye movement suggesting he move on before my A-list friends had their bodyguards remove him. He did."'

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Somewhat belatedly, this appears to have come to the attention of Mr Clarkson, who has this afternoon been pumping his Twitter feed with venom directed towards the column's author - a favour that was returned immediately by Mr Morgan. Inevitably, the fight turned quickly into a willy-waving contest about which had the better viewing figures, Top Gear or Piers Morgan Live.

Still, you could do worse on a stormy evening than watch two of Britain's greatest living egotists go mano-a-mano...

Which gentleman, if any, do you think comes out on top?