Upon acquiring Lucasfilm Ltd. last week, the Walt Disney Co. announced it was making a seventh episode of the Star Wars franchise for release in 2015. Here is what viewers can expect in the Disney-produced sequel:

Phil Collins to sing opening crawl

French kisses between siblings to be cut by one-third or more

Ewok babies; also, Yoda babies, Wookiee babies, and droid babies

Sassy fairy droid that you feel bad for being attracted to

A senile, gray-furred Chewbacca

A wizard casts a spell that turns R2-D2 into a real boy

Randy Newman–penned theme song called “Long, Long Ago We Were Friends”

There’s no delicate way to say this so here it is: lots of hot 12-year-olds