Wisconsin tops the list in a new survey of states that drink the most, have the highest percentage of binge drinkers, and sustain the highest percentage of heavy drinkers. Nipping on their drunken heels, however, are the proto-alcoholic residents of the nation’s capital.

According to an analysis from detox.net (via The Daily Beast), 65.03 percent of Washington, D.C., residents had consumed at least one alcoholic beverage in the past 30 days from 2011 to 2013. Wisconsin beat them, only slightly, at 65.33 percent. They also led the charts with the highest percentage of heavy drinkers (two or more drinks per day): Wisconsin with 8.7 percent and D.C. with 8.03 percent.

In the binge-drinking category, however, North Dakota beats D.C., but only barely: 23.9 percent of North Dakotans consumed more than four beverages in a single night, while 23.5 percent of D.C. wretches do the same. (Wisconsin, of course, beats both with 24 percent.)

Wisconsin is a cold place with perhaps very little to do besides drink (and binge drink). Washington, D.C.’s alcoholic tendencies more than likely come from the seemingly infinite stream of open-bar happy hours, made all the more enticing by the high stress loads, insecurity, and self-loathing endemic to politics.

Curiously, though it is nearly impossible to make plans in New York City without using the line, “Maybe we should grab a drink first,” the state of New York doesn’t even crack the top five in any of these lists.