In Appreciation For Primary Win, Bernie Promises To Make New Hampshire The Site Of His Very First Re-Education Camp

NEW HAMPSHIRE—After an astounding victory against Democratic rivals in the New Hampshire primaries, Bernie Sanders expressed his thanks to an adoring crowd of Bolsheviks and college students. Also present was a contingent of lying dog-faced pony soldiers, who flipped their support to Bernie after Biden’s recent gaffe.

“I happen to believe,” Senator Sanders began, “that the re-education of racists and freedom lovers from the middle of the country will be essential to healing and remaking this nation. That is why I am pleased to announce that we will build our very first re-education facility right here in the great state of New Hampshire.”

Wild cheers broke out from the crowd as Bernie supporters were moved by this great honor.

Sanders promised that this brand new camp will be tuition-free, and will provide unlimited government cheese, flour, and abortions to both men and women.

Bernie Sanders Campaign staffers were quick to inform him that such a facility may be redundant since the famous Dartmouth College Re-Education Camp already exists in New Hampshire. “That’s no problem,” said Bernie. “Just throw up some barbed wire around Dartmouth, build a train track for the cattle cars, and we’re done!”

Sources close to the Sanders campaign report that Bernie will pick AOC as his first Dean of Economics Re-education.

Babylon Bee subscriber Joel Berry contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee