DJ watchers all over northern Europe have reported large flocks of DJs gathered near airports and ferry terminals ahead of their annual migration south, to Ibiza, for the summer.

Every year thousands of DJs make the short journey to the Mediterranean island in search of warmer weather, cheap and readily available drugs and paid employment.

For most DJs who make the trip, dreams of stardom are soon replaced by malnourishment, crippling cocaine debt and multiple STIs, however, for the lucky few, the White Isle turns out to be a Utopian paradise beyond their wildest dreams.

Wunderground spoke to Simon Burke, a UK based DJ planning his fourth summer migration, “England is just far too cold for me in the summer, there’s no way I could sit around in that horrid weather when I know Ibiza is just a short flight away so I’ve booked my tickets, packed my bag and I’m ready to go.”

“This’ll be year number four for me, innit,” revealed Burke, who claims he recently shed his winter fur(shaved his beard). “Before now I haven’t really done too much DJing out there. It can be really hard to find gigs, especially when you’re smashed off your face on ket all day, but I’m pretty confident that I’ll get some this time around.”

“The last three years were all about the partying,” continued the DJ. “But I’ve got all of that out of my system now. It’s a bit of a funny story actually. When I got home last year I went to the doctor and he told me I had the heart of seventy year old man, even though I’m only twenty four, and that if I didn’t stop partying I’d probably die so it should be a lot easier to stay away from all that this year.”

Mr. Burke, like so many other would be DJs, will eventually end up living in the Es Vedra apartment complex, San Antonio, where other exotic species such as PR workers, drug dealers and dancers live, many of whom can be observed in Ibiza’s abandoned zoo, every Saturday at the Zoo Project.