Photo by: Nigel Tadyanehondo — https://unsplash.com/photos/wny6Y4MbyhA

The fight or flight response has kept humans alive for millennia. And while this has been crucial to our survival in the physical world, it seems to have crossed over into the mental one, in recent decades — manifesting itself in ‘avoidant behaviors’.

One such example of this would be turning down the opportunity to give a speech because we’re afraid of speaking in front of crowds. And while this provides us with relief in the short term, it comes at the expense of future growth and development.

The first step to being able to overcome such behavior is to recognize and accept the role that it plays in our lives. A simple means of doing this is to consider the things that you do which prevent potential growth and to write them down. A few examples of these might include:

When my co-workers are not pulling the line, I often do their work for them instead of trying to support their ownership of said work.

When I get into an argument with my girlfriend and know she’s right, I change the subject to avoid admitting that I’m wrong.

When I’m upset about life, I work more so that I don’t have to think about anything else.

Once you’ve written these down, take some time to consider how they’ve impacted you in the long-term. If it’s apparent that they have inhibited growth or development, accept that they are not serving you well and write down how it is that you plan to improve this behavior. For instance, mine include:

When my co-workers are not pulling the line, I will not belittle them by doing their work. Instead, I will try to understand what it is that is preventing them from proceeding and work to support them in their completion of said work to the best of my ability.

When I get into an argument with my girlfriend and know that she’s right, I’ll take it as an opportunity to appreciate how intelligent the woman I love is and learn from her.

When I’m upset about life, I will take time to step outside of my emotions and think deeply about their origin and how it is that I may work with them instead of against them or having them control me.

Once you’ve done this, print these out and place in areas where you spend a lot of time where they can easily be seen. The physical notes will serve to remind you of your acceptance of your avoidant behaviors and the positive path forward which you are now electing to take. Give it a try!