This is extremely long and I hope it is worth it to some of you. I started with an intention to be simple and straight forward but I ended up with this monstrosity. I guess you can't write a simplistic response to a complicated event, at least I can't. It began simple but I was caught up with an emotional energy I could not contain. I guess this is a vent or something that was within me that I had to get off my chest.

TL;DR

Take a break it you need to, seriously. Go and play a game and immerse yourself as deep as you can to remember you are a Gamer first and a participant in this consumer revolt second. And when you come back, you may be stronger than when you left.

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This battle is a daunting one. It is going to take some serious time for all of this to resolve itself. It may last for another several months and that can take its toll on you. I've been here since the beginning when all this started. After August 28th I started to ramp up on my activities involving this consumer revolt.

Today we are exactly two months into this revolt since the “Gamers are Dead” articles. With all the emails being sent out, signal boosting on other sites, tweeting, reading every article and watching every video and live stream can eventually wear you down.

Take a break if you need to, seriously. If all of this seems like too much and it is getting you down or if you are upset, disgruntled or depressed because of Gamergate. Put down the keyboard and pick up the controller. Or of you are like me, close out KiA, twitter and fire up Steam or whatever your gaming platform is.

I say this because I want you to remember that you are a Gamer first. We are here because we dedicate a piece of our free time to invest in playing games. Get back to what you love because it will do wonders for you. Trust me. I want to tell you about an experience I had yesterday. I had been feeling really off for the past two weeks and this last week I felt extremely burnt out and was staying away from Gamergate.

If you haven't played EVE Online before you may feel left out a bit. I tried to write it without specifics and using too much native jargon to the game. Here we go.

I haven't played EVE Online in almost two years. I had to give it up at the time because EVE is more than a game, it is a lifestyle. Having to get up and log on at all times of the night or day because a timer is counting down on a station or control tower and you need to be there to protect it or kill it. Or maybe a surprise opportunity landed through the intel channels to get some pew pew in and you got to form up quick. Maybe you have to move into position by jumping capital ships throughout New Eden which is at times a logistical nightmare. All to get some pretty explosions. The life of a null-sec capsuleer is at times difficult and time consuming.

I got an email from CCP Games, the creators of EVE Online, a while back giving me a free 10 days to play pass. I ignored it at the time because I was active in Gamergate to the point where I wasn't seriously playing any type of game for days at a time. I just couldn't. I couldn’t play because I was fighting this battle so that others may hear our side. I tried to play games but they were not satisfying to me when I was thinking about what was going on in our corner of the world.

I finally opened up the email and activated one of my main high skill-point accounts who had some money and ships. I surveyed his assets and then I activated another similar account, and another and yet another. I had four accounts reactivated out of my eleven. Like I said, a lifestyle.

I then began to investigate and see what the people were up to who I used to fly with. I flew around getting familiar with all the changes CCP had implemented in my absence. I stuck to high-sec on one of my industrial characters and scooped up all my blueprints thinking I could just tinker around and build some ships.

I felt a peace and calm in my immersion with the game as if we were one again. My multiple screens streaming with data from the market looking where I can make some ISK (in-game currency).I started to remember the back history I made up when I created my industrial character and the role they played as an asset to my combat characters. Then I started to picture the backgrounds of my combat characters and the various lives they led. A mercenary for hire turned null-sec pilot. A rat bastard pirate with a negative security status preventing him from flying in high-sec space. Spies. Specialized Scouts that traversed deep into some of the most treacherous and hostile regions in New Eden. I felt at home in EVE. A place so vast yet a single-shard universe. My old sandbox that I played in.

I was taken away from the reality of the outside world and the circumstances of the Gamer and Gamer Identity. And most importantly I was removed from the people that want to wipe our identity into oblivion. Which by the way, is not going to happen no matter how many new articles they write declaring so.

Nothing else mattered except for the hum of my ship and the roar of its warp drive as I cruised through New Eden. Nothing but the stars to guide me as I charged through warp tunnels to my destinations. It felt surreal.

There is only so much you I could do on my industrial character before I got the itch. The itch for some pew. It grew stronger and stronger until I couldn't contain it. I looked at my old pirate corp public channel. I haven't flown with them since 2012 after I left for null-sec for bigger fights and more danger.

My old pirate corp had an open fleet roam on Monday's at 1900 EVE time. I waited until 1700 or so before I asked if they still had them. The reply was indeed they do.

I looked at the position in space my pirate character was in relation to the form up solar system. 40 jumps. Damn. I could make it though, I will just fly my pod it back since I couldn't take the carrier I was sitting in which was loaded with ships from battles long ago.

On my way I hit a low-sec to high-sec choke point. I didn't think if it at the time but I should have known it would be camped. I was in my pod so it wouldn't matter right. Wrong.

I entered a system with a strategic cruiser on the gate, no problem I thought since my capsule is small and fast to warp off. I clicked warp and I was greeted with a flash of light and the sound of ordnance going off. The screen faded to black and I was shown a screen with my frozen husk. My corpse. A mangled piece of naked and frozen flesh with my neural attachments dangling around me in a torn and twisted state. It was glorious.

I've never seen the new pod destruction screen. Usually you just just fade to black and then reappear in the station your clone was in. This new screen was an implementation in my absence. The screen also notified me that my clone was reactivated, great. However it was reactivated in the system I started my journey on. Damn.

Starting the journey again I rerouted myself around that camped system with the new travel distance being 53 jumps this time. Fuck. I looked down at the EVE time clock, 1830. Thirty minutes to make 53 jumps in my capsule with a fresh clone. If I was writing this in character I would be complaining of the headache and disorientation of having your brain zapped through the nether and landing in a new brain and new body. The dizziness, the puking and the fuck all mentality.

I laugh it up on the inside and post the news in the public channel of my former pirate corp. I state that EVE hasn't changed at all with a smiley face at the end of my transmission. I log in to the designated communication software to let them know I may be late but I'm still coming. I still got to scratch this itch.

After 53 jumps with no more incidents I land in the form up system and scramble to put together a small frigate class vessel. I buy my mods with no care in the world the price. The communications channel is filled with what types of ships we will be in and to get everyone in a fleet.

I'm so excited on the inside I have a smile on my face while I find the fit that I want. When my final fit is complete all I need is ammunition for my turret guns and I grab that and go. The fleet is on the outbound gate, the first gate that we will pass through on our scouted navigation route. I connect with them and we jump in the next solar system and keep going while our scouts look for targets that we can ransom. We are pirates after all.

The guys I'm flying with are all new to me but they follow the code of my old guard. We fit ships for gank and not much tank. We provide overwhelming damage in as little time as possible to destroy our targets and fly off. If we can we will ransom our target for money over the destruction of their ship. A pirate needs money to eat and buy rum.

A scout states over the comms channel that he has a target. While waiting in an adjacent system we begin to jump in. We all warp to the scout and land on our first victim. The target is warp scrambled so he cant jump away. His ship melts under the barrage of our guns. As his ship goes down his pod is now exposed. We capture that as well with a warp scrambler. We hold our guns at bay, move in and open a comm channel so we can ransom his capsule. Time to pay up. He can choose to pay us or lose his capsule and clone. He choose the later. After expediting his trip back to his clone station we look for more targets. Hopefully a full on fight with multiple ships and not a lone wolf flying about unprepared for the hunters that are out there like myself and my fleet.

We end up turning back to go home after a while until a scout identifies a similar fleet like ours out on the prowl headed toward us. We hunt them and land on them after finding their location. As we land they warp off. We sit there in a slight disgust because we wanted to fight so bad but they choose to run.

Then, we see them on scan again and discern they are warping back to us. They probably assessed our fleet against theirs and they want a piece. Let the battle commence.

The hairs on my back and neck raise up on me. My heart begins to thump away and this is what I have been waiting for. My anticipation begins to rock me at my core. My eyes widen and the jitters run down to my hands. My teeth chatter and begin to chomp at the bit. No game has ever gave me such an adrenalin rush as EVE. The joy inside me is radiating through my entire being. This is why I play.

They land on top of us and we are surrounded. Perfect. The primary and secondaries are called out. I lock them up and ready my guns. I notice that they are locking me up as well. Good. My shields take a hit as I begin to discharge my first cycle of projectile rounds. I'm webified and warp scrambled but I wasn't going anywhere anyway. I plan on staying to fight and if my ship is destroyed in the process so be it. Trading volleys back and forth I'm pounding on my target while getting bombarded by four ships in the process.

I'm into armor now so I begin to cycle my armor repairer. More volleys fire through my turret cannons and there it is. What I've been waiting to see since I jumped into this ship. My target erupts into a ball of fire and twisted metal. I'm not far behind as my ship is in structure now, one more hit should do it. My own blaze of glory begins and my ship goes down. I hit the warp for my capsule to I won't have my capsule destroyed for the second time today. Clones are expensive.

The battle still rages on in the fleet communications. Targets being called. Ship explosions announced. I wish I could have stayed for longer but I was their primary so I went down fast. However I took one with me, I check my kill mails and I notice it was my ship that laid down the final blow on my target. I rejoice with my prize. I hear over comms we hold the field and have the last ship standing. A righteous bloodbath and a victory that is savory with a hint of sweetness. It tasted good.

I piloted my pod back to the staging system we left from with a big shit-eating grin on my face with a deep feeling of satisfaction and happiness that I haven’t had for at least the last two months.

The feeling from this engagement was tremendous. To be in a fleet again and to fly with like-minded individuals who love my hobby as much as I do. This is why I play. This is why I game. This is why I'm a Gamer. This little skirmish, although not as big and great as my others, had a profound effect on me. I had to share this experience with you as a brother-in-arms in our fight against these people that want to demonize us.

I enjoy games for the camaraderie. I play them for the fun. I play video games to challenge myself with critical thinking, competitiveness and coordination of mind and body. I don't care who is on the other side of another game avatar, may it be a ship in EVE Online, a 3D character in League of Legends or face to face.

This event was one of the best times I have had in a while. I feel refreshed after this incursion. I feel normal again. These past couple of months have dragged me through some unsettling emotional shifts that I refuse to let conquer me.

Another fire has been lit for me as we battle against our accusers, brighter and better than the one before. I'm more focused than what I was before after taking this break. I have been re-energized.

I will not stand and let these people talk down on me for doing something I love. Being a part of something that is greater than all of us.

I do not skulk about the internet to harass people. I do not hate women. I do not bully people until they bend to my will. I'm not trying to power through people with my white privilege as I reign in my patriarchal dominance.

I'm not a ciswhitemale-painthuffing-shitgoblin-scumlord out to breed misogyny and rape of women nor do I harass them on the internet or stalk them down a street.

I'm a human being. And a decent one at that.

If you feel down by this whole event. If you feel like the world is against you, or at least main stream media, which it is. Then take a break and find that one game that gave you a feeling so powerful that it will ground you back to who you are. And remember that it is people like me fighting by your side along with you to end this insanity.

Gamergate is a consumer revolt. Send those emails to advertisers.

Gamergate is about journalistic ethics. Gamergate is about Censorship, Corruption and Collusion. Uncover the truth that these people want to play by their own set of rules.

Gamergate is not about harassment. Gamergate is not about misogyny. We do not practice the hatred of women and we condemn the ones trying to do so by doxxing and sending threats to the Anti and Pro Gamergate sides.

You cannot condemn the majority for the actions of a minority.

And for these so called journalist and others to call us these things is an outright fabrication and is a disgusting form of behavior by individuals who portray themselves as professionals.

From one Gamer to another, if you need to take a break then take one. Then come back and stand tall on the front lines.

Sword in hand, once more into the fray.