My phone doesn’t ring anymore, waiting for your ghost to call me to paradise, dreaming of burning candles kissing you goodbye, waking up with no clue, and I feel so empty while trying to look for you, but I know you are gone, it feels so real. I haven’t always been able to smile at your sorrow, I probably mistreated you, it wasn’t my intention, I just felt pain while seeing your suffering, being unable to warm you up with my arms, I tried to caress you with my lips, but it was a wall between us that kept us faraway. I m sorry if I haven’t always been able to deal with your messy head, but you don’t know how bad it hurts to see somebody you love destroying himself. I feel so selfish and self-centred when I think I was wishing you to recover, I didn’t realize how painful it was for you, I haven’t seen it was the only way you could cope with your pain, and life was like a sharp knife for you, I was hoping to make you feel loved, but you were full of bleeding wounds in which it wasn’t possible to avoid sinking as gesture of love towards yourself, it was the only way you could bear life. Your pain drags me down as the skeleton of a hand pulling my hair under the ground until burying me completely alive, I breathe cadavers now, I carry a matryoshka full of corpses, I faint in my pain, I wish I didn’t awake. I would like to be able to celebrate your death with joy and let you go, but I feel you whispering jam words in my ears and you hold me back to your heart now dead. I feel the beat of my bones screaming for love, and it rains stormy tears.