Follow Carrie Ellman-Larsen ( 0 Followers )

Discrimination

noun

1. an act or instance of discriminating, or of making a distinction.

2. treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit: racial and religious intolerance and discrimination.

3. the power of making fine distinctions; discriminating judgment.

4. Archaic. something that serves to differentiate.

I guess I’ve been really lucky so far. I haven’t ever been denied an education, job, shelter, or any other needs or wants based on my race, gender, sexuality, economic status, religion, or anything else. I’m constantly aware of the discrimination problem that exists in our country every day, hour, and minute; but up until now, it’s been something that happens to other people. That is no longer the case for me.

A few months ago, I got a call from an employer that I had been working with for about four to five years. He told me that he was taking me off his roster of teaching artists because of my “lack of availability and flexibility to go to schools last year.” I was shocked. Completely thrown.

“Well, you know that I lacked availability because I had cancer, right?” I said.

His reply: “Oh, yes, yes!!! I hope you’re doing better with that!”

This employer, and all of my employers, had gotten either personal phone calls, or, as in this case, a one-on-one meeting at the time of my diagnosis to fill them in on what was going on with me. I detailed my treatment plan and expressed my desire to continue working throughout treatment but would need certain accommodations:

I could not work with grades 2 and under, because most children that age don’t know how to cover their mouths when they sneeze and they spread germs easily. I had to protect what was going to be a very fragile immune system.

I would need to work around my treatment schedule, meaning, two to five days after my infusion, I would probably be out for the count. But that left around nine days within a two-week period that I would be able to work, unless I fell sick or side effects were worse than expected.

I did not want to commute to far off places. Spending two hours each way on a subway did not seem like the healthiest choice for me because of germs and the physical toll that commuting in NYC takes on the body, mind, and soul.

All but one organization agreed to accommodate my needs, including the one I was speaking with now. They even seemed to pledge their support. (The one organization that didn’t make accommodations was because most of the work they had was either with very young children or at a school far from my home.) I felt so lucky to be working for people who would stand by me.

And most of them did. Going as far as making sure I knew that I would not be treated differently, but if the work became too much, to just let them know and they would get me a replacement. They all had my back—I felt so lifted and supported!

Except for this particular organization. If I got an offer for work from them (and I didn’t get much), the tone was that they were doing me a favor. One offer was for a school that needed me at a particular date and time. No flexibility. Unfortunately, I had treatment that day and couldn’t go. Another offer was similar. The school could only accept artists on certain days, and one was on an infusion day and the other was a day that I already had work. The third option, and one I felt I couldn’t turn down because I didn’t want to risk losing out on future job opportunities, was so far out in Queens that it took two trains and a bus to get there, which would mean a two and a half hour commute each way! I ended up driving to the location, even though it was a terrible winter. But I did it just to maintain good relations with this employer. But taking this job nearly killed me. It was physical work, all day long, and poorly organized. The organization didn’t provide the correct materials, which left me scrambling to make it work. It was very hard.

So, out of three jobs I was offered, I accepted one. And it was even one that was on my list of limitations that they had agreed to in our in-person meeting. I didn’t mention this to the director who fired me over the phone. But after I mentioned that my lack of availability was because of my cancer treatment, suddenly there was another reason. “And also, you got some lukewarm feedback.”

Well, that’s different! I take my work very seriously. It’s my passion. If a school or teacher is dissatisfied, I want to know about it. “Ok, well that’s serious,” I said. “Can you be more specific as to what the problem was? I’m always trying to improve.”

“Oh, no. Nothing specific. Just lukewarm feedback,” he said.

This felt like a blatant lie. I had never, ever been reprimanded by this or any other organization for poor work or dissatisfied teachers. Aside from notes for improvement and constructive criticism, I had only gotten good reviews in the past. This employer didn’t provide any proof of the comments he was mentioning to me now as a reason for my termination. And they had never expressed any dissatisfaction with my work of any sort in the past. No discussions, no warnings, no probations…nothing. This “letting go,” or firing, was the first I had heard of it.

But let’s say, for argument’s sake, I did in fact get some lukewarm feedback about my facilitation. I would then expect, especially giving my stellar work history, that they might come to me and say, “You know, we got some not so great feedback about your work at so and so school. I know it was a really hard year for you. What were your impressions of how things went? Do you think you could have done better?”

The answer would have been, yes. I could have done better at every job I had last year, if I hadn’t had a body part amputated, followed by six months of being constantly poisoned and then being radiated! Those things did get in the way of job performance just a little bit. I wasn’t at one hundred percent. But here’s the thing. I still got glowing feedback from everyone else I worked with. I have been asked back to several schools that I worked with last year. One organization even gave me a promotion based on my work in the past year. So, based on all of this, I think the guy who fired me was just trying to cover himself and his organization and not get sued. I think I was discriminated against.

So, what do I want? I know what I don’t want. I don’t want my job back. I work for so many amazing people who continue to support and love me through all of this. Because treatment is not over. Not even close. I need to be surrounded by good people. I’ve had enough poison in my life.

I also don’t want to sue. Based on the laws that exist in this country, I believe I could, and I might even win a suit (based on conversations I’ve had with advocates and lawyers). But that would take time. A lot of time, and I just want to get on with my life.

But I do want them to understand that they did something wrong and broke the law. I think it is important for them to be educated on disability rights in this country and what is considered a reasonable accommodation and what is excessive, so it doesn’t happen to someone else.

I am not angry at them. Well, I was angry. Really, really angry. But I realized that part of this happened due to a lack of education. Unless you have gone through cancer yourself, even if you are a caregiver or close to someone who has gone through it, there is no way you can know what cancer feels like. You can’t understand that there is no word in the English language for the kind of fatigue you experience from chemo. You can’t fathom the emotional toll it takes to fight every day. I don’t want anyone to go through this and be educated by personal experience. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Where the fault does lie is with their lack of empathy. This organization in particular prides itself of the work they do with children with special needs. At trainings, we often discussed how we could use our art to teach understanding, compassion, and empathy to our participants, especially those on the autism spectrum. And while teaching it through our art, we should practice understanding, compassion, and empathy to children of all abilities. This is their niche, their specialty, their mission. But when it came to their own staff, to someone who is gravely ill and is in need of help, compassion fell short. In fact, it was cut off completely. It makes me question what their real motivation is for doing this work. When they can’t practice what they constantly preach! Who are they serving, really? Who are they really in it for?

So, what I’m doing about it? I’m filing complaints. They broke the law. They are in violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), and NY State Human Rights Laws, just to name a few.

If you feel you have been unfairly treated at your workplace because of cancer, you can file a complaint with U.S Equal Employment Opportunity Commission by going to one of their offices or writing a letter. You can get help from advocates at Livestrong if you don’t know what to do or need advice.

Have you ever been discriminated against because of a disability or cancer? How did you handle it?

[Photo credit to Carrie Ellman-Larsen]

Like what you read? “Heart” this story above, comment below, or consider submitting your own story!