Yesterday, Eurogamer posted a Borderlands 2 article in which lead designer John Hemingway discussed the Mechromancer, a DLC-only character currently in progress. She's a small girl with a mechanical arm, and will have a skill tree designed for folks who "suck at first-person shooters" but want to play with others – in Hemingway's words, "for the lack of a better term, the girlfriend skill tree".

Unsurprisingly, the reactions to Hemingway's comments haven't been entirely positive. Gearbox software president Randy Pitchford tackled the issue on Twitter, clarifying that the "girlfriend" name isn't an official title (it's known as the Best Friends Forever skill tree), defending Hemingway from accusations of sexism, and claiming that "a personal anecdote has been twisted and dogpiled on by sensationalists".

It looks like Hemingway misspoke, using "girlfriend" as code for "support", "newbie" or "easy" mode, and talked about a "hardcore" skill tree as a counterpoint. However unintentional, that's a sexist way to frame things. Skill and commitment to FPS games doesn't break down neatly along gender lines, nor does the desire to play a support character; assuming it does plays into unhelpful stereotypes about how women approach games and about the market for these titles. Describing a novice mode in this way risks alienating existing female players and newbies of all types.

Eurogamer compounded the issue by using a partial quote in their headline and failing to ask or report a follow-up question. Hemingway's words change depending on their context: whether this is a widely used internal nickname or his own word; whether he was speaking generally, about all girlfriends, or specifically about his own. It would have been ideal to see that clarified at the time, not dissected afterwards, especially in the light of the franchise's interesting female characters and approach to bad-ass women in their games.

But none of this would warrant much reaction if game culture wasn't currently primed to go off like a field of fireworks at the merest hint of sexism. Recent events have pulled video gaming's gender problem into the spotlight perhaps more than ever before. A few high profile cases since the start of the year: Miranda Pakozdi harassed on camera; Anita Sarkeesian subjected to vile abuse; Aisha Tyler assumed not to be knowledgeable enough to present at E3. Alongside this, the everyday litany of sexism in gamer culture goes on, too. Xbox Live abuse continues. No women on the internet. Tits or GTFO. Get back in the kitchen. Girls can't play games.

That's where this casual misstep draws its power, and why it matters. When women react angrily to the description of an easy way of playing a game as "girlfriend mode", part of that anger is also aimed at all the countless dudes online who'll tell you in the choicest language, if you play while openly female, that you shouldn't be there, that you don't belong. Hearing that sentiment echoed, however casually, by the lead designer on a game that looks to be doing some good things with female characters is disappointing and irritating; it looks like a studio ignoring the fact that you exist, and that their words will have an impact on their community. For the lack of a better phrase, instead of having a discussion about the genuinely excellent idea of a mode that lets inexperienced FPS players game with more experienced friends, the conversation is about how women can't or don't play games.

Hemingway certainly didn't mean his throwaway comment to be ammunition for the seamy underbelly of the internet in its ongoing war against women. But it can be – and will be – used by those people as validation of their ideas and actions. In isolation, it wouldn't matter. In this powderkeg culture, almost anything can be the spark that sets off the explosion.