By A. Sarkozyian.

Sooooo, this month – I had the great displeasure to read 12 Rules For Life by a well respected transphobe, who I will now only refer to by his second name. Using his first name only enforces his patriarchal sense of dominance – also, who THE FUCK uses their middle initial in their name for any other reason than to sound important. I chose to read this book because I hate the patriarchal circle-jerk around Peterson and his chauvinistic fans, you’d swear he was helping those men. In reality he’s only helping them to become the kind of oppressors that bully my male feminist friends on Twitter. The ‘block’ button – am I right? Anyhow – now I’ll debunk each of that Kermit sounding bastard’s stupid rules, using something he’ll never have heard of, the feminist lens! (Girl, do I love a list based article!)

1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back.

This one is pretty easy – Peterson teaches his brainless subjects to tower over women using an (unfairly assumed) height advantage. Standard patriarchy reinforcement – I thought you were smarter than that Peterson – I guess not…

2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.

Treat yourself? Fine – I love a good Tsarbucks as much as any respected journalist. BUT! I am in no way responsible for the patriarchal oppression I face daily! I shouldn’t have to help myself – society should help me!

3. Make friends with people who want the best for you.

Chad: “Hey bro, have you heard of Jordan Bro Peterson?”

Tyler: “Yeah bro, I oppressed 20 women this morning”

Chad: “Yeah bro, but are you white?”

Tyler: “Well, I support Trump – you do the math bro!”

Chad: “Well, I can’t do math – but Trump? And you empower Peterson? Welcome to the patriarchy my dude.”

4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

Peterson tells men not to have role models, (except for himself, of course) like ravishing male feminist Justin Trudeau! Wake up men, join us, empower women! Fuck you Peterson – I’ll compare myself to the queen, Beyonce if I damn well want to!

5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

Jordan Peterson advocates and encourages beating your kids. He’s just a mean, mad, white man folks!

6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.

Peterson basically says that men can’t change the world. But feminism does say that both sexes are equal, and both can change the world! Also did I mention that the Nazis were OBSESSED with cleanliness? Jordan Peterson is clearly a Nazi.

7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).

This is so ignorant. Only privileged white guys have the time and money to purse meaning. Oppressed black women have no time, because they work so hard! They can’t have meaning Peterson! Except Candace Owens, but whatever… 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

8. Tell the truth – at least don’t lie.

Explain Trump.

9. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t.

This is so ironic it hurts. Peterson clearly didn’t listen to feminist icon, Cathy Newman when she pretty much schooled him on feminism. No, instead he sent hate mob of his fans to make her feel unsafe at work. Patriarchy, at it’s finest.

10. Be precise in your speech.

JORDAN PETERSON IS A TRANSPHOBE.

JORDAN PETERSON IS A TRANSPHOBE.

JORDAN PETERSON IS A TRANSPHOBE.

JORDAN PETERSON IS A TRANSPHOBE.

JORDAN PETERSON IS A TRANSPHOBE.

11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.

Otherwise known as the enforced monogamy chapter, Peterson mocks gender studies and the humanities, both are well respected and important faculties in any university. I wouldn’t have achieved my dream of being a journalist if it weren’t for women’s studies. I’ll say it again – Jordan Peterson hates women.

12. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.

Peterson is dumb. Buy a cat! Buy 12! Who needs men when you have cats!

That concludes this month’s book review, in July we will review 1984, by George Orwell – so grab your copy now! I’ve been Anitta Sarkozyian for BuzzFeed – don’t forget to shut down Peterson’s next talk in Tennessee, and smash that like button harder than the patriarchy!