SEATTLE—Unsettled by the increasingly earnest tone of his friend’s words, local man Ryan Lauden, 29, told reporters Monday that his former college roommate Chris Marcotte’s repeated threats to visit him have recently grown uncomfortably genuine. “I didn’t take him seriously when he first suggested coming out here and crashing at my place, but now he’s mentioning specific dates and I’m really concerned he might actually follow through,” said Lauden, who described his mounting alarm at Marcotte’s frequent texts and Facebook messages warning that he might visit for several days in July and demanding that Lauden “keep a couch open” for him. “This is horrifying. Now he wants to know what time I usually get off work on Thursdays. God, I think he might be trying to make it a four-day weekend.” At press time, Lauden was reportedly left paralyzed with fear after seeing an email from Marcotte with the subject heading, “Fwd: E-Ticket Confirmation.”

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