Russia is home to some truly outstanding metal bands, but those bands are mostly kind of pastoral and isolated and artful — none of them roll like this. Nope, IMO if there’s any one group that truly deserves the title “The Vladimir Putin Of Metal,” that band would have to be Florida’s own Limp Bizkit. So it’s pretty great — for everyone! — that Bizkit frontman Fred Durst is reportedly considering relocating to Crimea to “produce film and TV content there.” You know, Crimea? The region that was recently violently annexed from the Ukraine, and which Russia now hopes to brand as “the new Beverly Hills“? And how better to gentrify such a territory than courting hot talent like Fred Durst?

Welcome, indeed! And the interest is apparently mutual. Durst reportedly “uses every chance he can get to visit Moscow” and told the state-run news agency Sputnik International:

I wouldn’t mind getting a Russian passport. If you have communication with the relevant authorities, which could assist with obtaining it … share.

Amazing, right? Like a John le Carré novel come to life! And why wouldn’t Durst want to move to Crimea? Why, his own wife, Kseniya Beryazina, is a native Crimean, and according to Billboard, she’s currently teaching Durst how to speak Russian. Furthermore, Bizkit recently toured Russia, for which Durst recorded this compelling promotional clip:

In fairness, it lacks the production value of Durst’s eHarmony commercial, but that’s not the point. The point is: It seems like he is really doing well with those Russian-language lessons! Anyway, we gotta get this guy hooked up with a passport, so do me a favor: If you have communication with the relevant authorities, which could assist with obtaining it … share.