ARE YOU A MANARCHIST QUESTIONNAIRE

General Questions:

I. Do you ascribe to either:

A) Passive-Aggressive Patriarchy: You often come across as: a victim/helpless/in need/dependent

and you get women in your life to: be your physical and emotional caretakers? buy you things? take care of your responsibilities?

pick up your slack? use guilt or manipulation to get out of your responsibilities and equal share of the work?

Do you treat your female partner like a “mom” or your secretary?

B) Aggressive Patriarchy: Do you often take charge? Assume that a

woman can’t do something right so you do it for her? Believe that only

you can take care of things? Think that you always have the right

answer?

Do you treat your female partner like she’s helpless, fragile, a baby or weak?

Do you put down your partner or minimize her feelings? Do you belittle

her opinions?

2. How do you react when women in your life name something or someone

as patriarchal or sexist? Do you think of her or call her a “PC Thug,”

“Feminazi,” “Thin-skinned,” “Overly-Sensitive, “COINTELPRO-esque”

or “Un-fun?”

3. Do you see talking about patriarchy as non-heroic, a waste of time,

trouble making, or divisive?

4. If a woman asks your opinion, do you assume she must not know

anything about the subject?

5. Do you believe that women have “natural characteristics” which are

Inherent in our sex such as “passive,” “sweet,” “caring,” “nurturing,”

“considerate,” “generous,” “weak,” or “emotional?”

6. Do you make fun of “typical” men or “frat boys” but not ever check

yourself to see if you behave in the same ways?

7. Do you take on sexism and patriarchy as a personal struggle working

to fight against it in yourself, in your relationships, in society,

work, culture, subcultures, and institutions?

8. Do you say anything when other men make sexist or patriarchal

comments?

Do you help your patriarchal and sexist friends to make change and help

educate them? Or do you continue friendships with patriarchal and

sexist men and act like there is no problem.

Activism Questions :

9. As a man, is being a feminist a priority to you? Do you see being

a feminist as revolutionary or radical?

10. Do you think that you define what is radical? Do you suffer from

or contribute to macho bravado” or ‘subpoena envy? (I.e. defining a

true or “cool” and respectable activist as someone who has: been arrested,

done lockdowns, scaled walls, hung banners, done time for their actions

argued or fought with police, done property alterations, beat up nazi

boneheads, etc.)?

11. Do you take something a woman said, reword it and claim it as your

own idea/opinion?

12. Are you taking on the “shit” or “grunt” work in your organizing?

(I.e.: Cooking. cleaning. set up, clean up phone calls, email lists,

taking notes, doing support work, sending mailings, providing

childcare?)

Are you aware of the fact that women often are taking on this work

with no regard or for their efforts?

13. Do you take active step to make your activist groups safe and

comfortable places for women?

14. If you are trying to get more women involved in your activist

projects, do you try to engage them by telling them what’ to do or why they

should join your group?

15. Do you ever find yourself monitoring and limiting your behavior and

speech in meetings and activist settings because you don’t want’ to

take up too much space or dominate the group? Are you aware of the fact that

women do this all the time?

16. Do you pay attention to group process and consensus building in

groups or do you tend to dominate and take charge (maybe without even

realizing it)?

Sexual/Romantic Relationships and Issues :

17. Do you make jokes or negative comments about the sex lives of women

or sex work?

18. Can you only show affection and be loving to your partner in front

of friends and family or only in private?

19. Do you discuss the responsibility for preventing contraception and

getting STD screening prior to sexual contact?

20. Do you repeatedly ask or plead with women for what you want in

sexual situations? Are you aware that unless this is a mutually consented upon

scenario/game that this is considered a form of coercion?

21. During sex, do you pay attention to your partner’s face and body

language to see if she is turned on? Engaged, or just lying there? Do

you ask a woman who she wants during sex? What turns her on?

22. Do you ask for consent?

23. Do you know if your partner has a sexual abuse, rape, or physical

abuse history?

24. Do you stay with your partner in a relationship for comfort and

security? Sex? Financial or emotional caretaking? If you’re not completely happy

or “in love” with your partner anymore? Even though you don’t think it

will ultimately work out? Because you’re afraid or unable to be alone?

Do you suddenly end relationships when a “new” or “better” woman comes

along?

25. Do you jump from relationship to relationship? Overlap them? Or do

you take space and time for yourself in between each relationship to

reflect on the relationship and your role in it? Do you know how to be

alone? How to be single?

26. Do you cheat on your partners?

27. If your girlfriend gets on your case for patriarchal behavior or

wants to try to work on the issues of patriarchy in your relationship,

do you creak up with her or cheat on her and find another woman who

will put up with your shit?

28. Do you agree to romantic commitment and responsibility and then

back out of these situations?

29. Do you understand menstruation?

30. Do you make fun of women or write them off as “PMS-ING?”

Friendship Questions :

31. Do you tend to set the standard and plans for fun or do you work

with the others in the group, including women to see what they want to

do?

32. Do you talk to your female friends about things you don’t talk to

your male friends about especially emotional issues?

33. Do you constantly fall in love with your female friends Are you

friends with women until you find out that they are not in love with you too

and then end the friendships? Are you only friends with women who are

in monogamous or committed relationships with other people?

34. Do you come on to your female friends even jokingly?

35. Do you only talk to your female friends (and not your male friends)

about your romantic relationships or problems in those relationships?

36. Do you find yourself only attracted to “Anarcho-Crusty Punk

Barbie”, Alterna-Grrrl Barbie,” or Hardcore-Grrrl Barbie?” (The idea here being

that the only women you arc attracted to fit mainstream beauty

standards but just dress and do their hair alternatively and maybe have piercings

and tattoos) Do you question and challenge your internalized ideals of

mainstream beauty ideals for women?

37. Have you ever heard of or discussed “sizeism” and do you think it

is low on the oppression scale?

38. Are you aware of the fact that ALL WOMEN, even women in radical

communities, live under the CONSTANT PRESSURE and OPPRESSION of mainstream

patriarchal beauty standards?

39. Are you aware of the fact that many women in radical communities

have had and are currently dealing with eating disorders?

40. Do you make fun of “model-types” or “mainstream” women for their

appearance?

Domestic/Household Questions :

41. When was the last time you walked into your house, noticed that

something was misplaced/dirty/etc. AND did something about it (didn’t just walk

by it, over it, away from it or leave a nasty note about it) even if

it wasn’t your chore or responsibility?

42. Are you constantly amazed by the magical “food fairy” who

mysteriously acquires food, brings it home, puts it away, prepares it in meal form

and then cleans up afterwards?

43. Do you contribute equally to domestic life and work?

44. How many of the following activities do you contribute to in your

home (this is a partal list of what it takes to run a household):

A: Sweep and mop floors and clean carpets

B: Wash and put away dishes

C: Clean stove, countertops, sinks and appliances if they are messy and

each time after you have prepared food

D: Collect money, do food shopping, put away food and make meals for

people you live with

E: Do house laundry (kitchen towels, bathroom hand towels, washable

rugs, etc.)

F: Clean up common room spaces, even if it’s not your chore

G: Pick up other’s slack

H: Deal with garbage, recycling, and compost

I: Take care of bills, rent, utilities

J: Deal with the landscaping and gardening

K: Clean bathrooms and make sure bathroom is clean after you use it

L: Feed, clean up after, and take care of housepets

Children & Childcare :

45. Do you spend time with kids? If you do, do you spend time with

children (yours or anyone’s) in a way that is gendered? (do certain things with

boys and other things with girls?

46. If you are a father, do you CO-parent your children? (Spend equal

time AND energy AND effort AND money to raise them)?

47. Do you make childcare a priority? (at both activist events and in

daily life)

48. Do you help make the lives of single mothers in your life and

community easier by finding out if and how you can assist?

49. Have you politicized your ideas about child rearing and parenthood

radical communities? Do you believe that individuals who are in the

movement have children or that the movement has children?

Multi-Category Questions:

50. When was the last time you showed a woman how to do a task rather

than doing it for her and assuming she couldn’t do it?

51. When was the last time you asked a woman to show you how to do a

task?

52. Do you get emotional needs met by other women, whether or not you

are in a romantic relationship with them? Or do you cultivate caring,

nurturing relationships with other men in which you can discuss your

feelings and get your needs met by them?

53. If a woman discusses with you or calls you out on your patriarchy,

do you make an effort to be emotionally present? Listen? Not

emotionally shut down? Not get defensive? Think about what she said? Admit you

fucked up? Take responsibility/make reparations for the mistakes you made?

Discuss your feelings and ideas with her? Apologize? Work harder on your own

shit to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes again with her

or other women?

54. Do you look inside yourself to find out why you fucked up in these

relationships and work to both change your behavior and be a better

anti-patriarchy ally in the future?

55. Do you organize regular house meetings or activist meetings to

resolve conflict in the house/group?

56. Do you use intimidation, yelling, getting in someone’s physical space, threatsor violence to get your point across?

Do you create and atmosphere or violence around women or others to threaten them (i.e.: throw

things, break things, yell and scream, threaten, attack, tease or terrorize the

animals or pets of women in your life)?

57. Do you physically, psychologically, or emotionally abuse women?

58. Do the women in your life (mothers, sisters, partners, housemates,

friends, etc.) have to “remind” you or “nag” you or “yell” at you in

order for you to get off your ass and take care of your

responsibilities?

59. Do you talk to other men about patriarchy and your part in it?

60. When was the last time you thought about or talked about any of

these issues other than after reading this questionnaire?

Scoring: ALL MEN need to work on issues of patriarchy, sexism and

misogyny. However, this questionnaire may point out to you areas of particular

focus or concentration for your own anti-patriarchal/sexist/misogynist

process and development.

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