My parents heard a lot of critical noise from our California home ward when I chose to attend a local university instead of BYU. My mother, an immigrant to the US and a convert to the LDS faith was especially concerned that I was deviating from “the Mormon Way.” She subscribed to the belief that the LDS faith would help her to raise safe and happy children through the youth programs, graduating to a chaperoned college experience with an Honor Code, student wards, and curfews. Could I be safe and grow spiritually at a non-LDS campus? At a minimum she worried that I should be in a Utah, Idaho or Arizona college town with a large number of LDS students.

My parents took some comfort in my residence in an all-female floor in a dormitory, an active institute program and a thriving student ward. I found friends and mentors that helped guide my development under the leadership of a gifted Institute Director, exceptional Bishop and equally excellent counselors. The spouses of the Bishopric were my strongest role models, introducing me to Mormon feminism, Sunstone, Exponent II, Mormon Women’s Forum and treasures like the Pink Issue of Dialogue.

I felt confident that my Bishop was the most qualified person in the stake to be leading a ward of young adults. When I came to him with questions about the Priesthood Session of General Conference he invited me to attend and sat watchfully in the same row discouraging glares from disapproving men surprised at a row of young adult women attending the Priesthood Session of General Conference. When a friend in a neighboring dorm room was raped I received kindness, supportive listening and a blessing of comfort as I worked with my friend to get her to the hospital for a rape kit and made a report to police.

Everything about my experience in this ward and the student wards that followed typified the privilege of winning Leadership Roulette. I was lucky. In a wicked and worldly California town with a tiny population of LDS members I had the best of spiritual guides, mentors and friends in the leadership of my ward. My Bishop had the support of many other qualified adults in highly competent counselors accompanied by powerful spouses that shared leadership responsibilities with them. LDS social services and other experts presented regularly on topics such as recognizing and stopping domestic violence.

As a missionary I experienced what it is like to lose at Leadership Roulette. The fledgling LDS population of my first service area had few priesthood holders. In drawing from a shallow talent pool a pedophile was called as Bishop and many primary children in the ward were molested. In my next ward another Bishop would provide a weekly dose of creepiness, stopping me in the aisle of the chapel to compliment the growing length of my hair, “You look so beautiful and holy. Like Eve in the temple. I think all women should wear their hair long enough to cover their nipples when they are naked.”

I heard more stories of ecclesiastical abuse from mission companions that attended college in large LDS population centers at the sorts of schools my mother wished I had attended. After my mission, roommates and visiting teaching companions recounted additional experiences of bad advice and abuse, including:

A freshman called in to meet with her Bishop because she was too pretty. Although her clothing was modest, too many men in the ward were tempted to masturbate because of her beauty. The Bishop asked her to stop wearing makeup and suggested she should continue to wear modest, but uglier clothing.

A student who like me encouraged a friend to report a rape to police and complete a rape-kit with a crisis counselor at a local hospital. Her Bishop took her temple recommend for ruining the life of a return missionary by exposing him to the legal consequences of his crime.

Several friends of mixed sexual orientation were encouraged to marry and promised, “He will be cured of his homosexuality.”

Another acquaintance was urged to accept the first proposal of marriage she received as she was questioning her sexual orientation after a decade of sexual abuse perpetrated by her LDS father. The temple marriage ended in divorce after years of domestic violence and marital rape.

Why are young adults attending college in an LDS population hub subjected to such terrible leadership? Why would a loving God call such incompetent, foolish or cruel people to counsel young adults in crucial years of identity formation?

As I began to reflect on the variability of the young adult student experience it became clear that Leadership Roulette works against those attending a student ward in a region supporting a large student population.

Some of the questions I asked: What is the ratio of student wards to family wards? Is the Bishop of the student ward selected from a large stake with deep leadership? How many men with the temperament to counsel young adults are available? Of those with a suitable temperament how secure are they in their own family relationships? Do they have community building skills? Do they know how to negotiate conflict resolution? Are they well informed as to local laws regarding disclosures of abuse, rape, domestic violence? How prepared are they to identify mental illness and make appropriate referrals to experts with skills and knowledge to help?

In the current climate of questioning the appropriateness of worthiness interviews for children, we should also pause to consider how we might improve the safety of young adults. Sending children to discuss their budding sexuality with a stranger teaches them to ignore the spiritual promptings of God in obedience to a physically present adult with the authority to speak for God. Even with an appropriate leader that is cautious in their word choice, if the child feels uncomfortable and denies that discomfort they are vulnerable. This grooming means they are less likely to recognize and report abuse when they begin adult life in a student ward. Now choose their leaders from the awkward and creepy leftovers of the deeply drained local stake leadership pool. Provide no additional training. Support the Bishop with other inexperienced students as counselors.

Causing harm is inevitable for all but the most gifted and skilled of the volunteer Bishops serving students in LDS college towns. The talented local women remain un-ordained, but also tied to local staffing needs of nurseries and primaries bursting with the children of newly wed students. Other students will serve as counselors to the Bishop with young single men asking their peers to answer chastity questions in temple recommend interviews. Regardless of the good intentions of the volunteers called to lead, the talent pool is shallow and lacks the skill set, training or support to sustain safe spiritual growth as young people form identities, choose life partners and form families.

At the vulnerable crossroads of adult identity who do we trust with the responsibility of supporting and nurturing the first independent steps of new adults? LDS young adults starting college are not old enough to drink alcohol in the United States or rent a car independently, but they are old enough to: marry, commit to or renounce faith, discover sexual identity, plan for a family and profession, start a family, and begin treatment for abuse or mental health concerns. Diving into these life-shaping events requires deep waters of loving, capable, competent nurturers trained to provide safe support. Every young adult should have access to spiritual and moral mentorship free from abuse and the terrible recommendations of the well intentioned, but ignorant and uninspired.

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April Carlson is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in grief and transitions. She holds degrees from the University of Southern California and U.C. Berkeley. April has addressed child welfare reform in guest spots on the KCRW radio program Which Way L.A. and promoted adoption in television news features on Fox 11 Los Angeles and Telemundo 52 Los Angeles. Currently, she works full time at Huntsman Cancer Hospital counseling cancer survivors and caregivers. April also enjoys supporting individuals and couples recovering from trauma and loss at The Healing Group in Midvale, UT.