OKAY. LET’S STOP PUSSYFOOTING AROUND WITH THIS BECAUSE HULK IS NOT PLAYING NICE ANYMORE.

IN FACT, HULK IS FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR SHIT.

IF YOU ARE NOT WATCHING COMMUNITY, YOU HAVE TO START WATCHING COMMUNITY RIGHT NOW. THAT’S RIGHT, HULK MAKING YOU.

WHY THE SUDDEN URGENCY WHEN HULK HAS JUST PLAIN OLD “RECOMMENDED IT” BEFORE?

LAST WEEK, THE SHOW PREMIERED TO A MASSIVE RATINGS DROP.

… THIS IS A PROBLEM. THE SHOW CANNOT GO OFF THE AIR. HULK WILL GO INTO AN ABED-LIKE SHUTDOWN IF THIS SHOW GOES OFF THE AIR.

THIS A BIG PROBLEM FOR HULK AND GUESS WHAT? HULK’S PROBLEM IS YOUR PROBLEM [CRACKS KNUCKLES]

SO IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE SHOW, EITHER JUST JUMP INTO IT THIS WEEK (SOMETHING HULK WOULD USUALLY NEVER RECOMMEND BUT THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES), OR IF YOU ARE LIKE HULK AND LIKE WATCHING THINGS FROM BEGINNING, GO OUT BUY THE DVD OF SEASON 1.

TODAY.

DO IT. CANCEL YOUR PLANS. ON THE WAY HOME AFTER WORK JUST BUY THE DVD. THIS SHIT IS NOT THAT EXPENSIVE AND REALLY, CAN YOU PUT A PRICE ON JOY? THEN WHEN YOU GET HOME GO AHEAD MAKE YOURSELF A NICE SANDWICH (YOU KNOW, THE ONE YOU LIKE) AND JUST START WATCHING. 8 EPISODES IN YOU WILL BE HOOKED (THE PILOT WORKS BETTER WHEN YOU SEE HOW THE SHOW ACTUALLY DEVELOP). HULK PROMISE.

IF HULK WRONG HULK AND YOU DO NOT LIKE THE FIRST SEASON, HULK WILL DONATE THE AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU SPENT ON DVDS TO CHARITY. SERIOUSLY.

IN FACT, HULK SO SERIOUS THAT AT THE END OF THIS COLUMN THERE WILL BE TRIVIA AND IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE SHOW HULK WILL FUCKING BUY YOU SEASON 1 OF THE SHOW. HEAR THAT? THIS IS THAT SERIOUS. YOU ARE OFFICIALLY OUT OF FUCKING EXCUSES.

OH, WHAT’S THAT? YOU DON’T CARE WHAT HULK THINKS? YOU STILL AREN’T GOING TO DO IT? TOO LAZY?

FINE. HERE ARE 13 BLATANTLY OBVIOUS REASONS TO WATCH COMMUNITY:

1) IT IS CURRENTLY THE SMARTEST/FUNNIEST COMEDY ON TV

DO YOU LIKE SMART AND FUNNY THINGS? YOU SAY YOU DO. BUT APPARENTLY YOU FUCKING DON’T. WELL THE MAD GENIUS DAN HARMON HAS CRAFTED A BIZARRELY WONDERFUL SHOW FULL OF SCOPE, GENRE JUMPING HILARITY, SIMPLE HUMANITY, HIGH BROW/LOW BROW, AND CHOCK FULL OF ETHOS AND PATHOS.

2) ANNIE’S BOOBS AND ANNIE’S BOOBS

ONE IS A MONKEY AND THE OTHER IS BOOBS. THAT’S RIGHT, HULK WILLING TO GO SEXIST FOR COMMUNITY’S FUTURE AND THE SAKE OF YOUR VERY OWN EYEBALLS. THE POINT IS BOTH THE MONKEY AND THE BOOBS ARE GREAT.

3) FOR REALS ANNIE AND THE SHOW’S RESPECT OF FEMALE CHARACTERS

THE BETTER REASON TO WATCH COMMUNITY IS BECAUSE ALISON BRIE IS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS AS THE TIGHTLY-WOUND, OVERLY-STUDIOUS YOUNG ANNIE. DESPITE HULK’S ANNIE’S BOOBS COMMENT ABOVE, THE SHOW IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE BEST IN TERMS OF IT’S TREATMENT/CREATION OF DYNAMIC FEMALE CHARACTERS. THIS IS NOT TO IMPLY THE SHOW IS A WEEKLY ESPOUSING OF GENDER IDEALS (IT IS A COMEDY AFTER ALL), JUST THAT IT TREATS ALL THE WOMEN ON THE SHOW AS DEEPLY TEXTURED, HUMAN, FLAWED, AND DISTINCTLY FUNNY PEOPLE. WHICH THIS DAY IN AGE IS, SADLY, REMARKABLE. AND ANYTIME IT DELVES INTO PLAYING UP SEXUAL ELEMENTS IS ALMOST ALWAYS IN THE NAME OF COMMENTARY.

THE POINT IS THE 3 WOMEN ON THE SHOW ARE HULK’S 3 FAVORITE CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW. CASE IN POINT…

4) BRITTA PERRY IS BEST CHARACTER ON TV

BRITTA BEST EXEMPLIFIES EVERYTHING THAT HULK WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT. SHE IS A PERFECT MIXED BAG OF GREAT INTENTIONS, AWKWARDNESS, BLINDING PALENESS, WHITE GUILT, FALSE CONFIDENCE, GORGEOUSNESS, ALL COMBINING INTO UNINTENTIONAL HILARITY. GILLIAN JACOBS IS SNEAKILY THROWING 99MPH RIGHT NOW. WATCH:

EH WHAT THE HELL. ONE MORE. THIS ONE GIVES A SENSE OF HER INTERPLAY WITH THE GROUP:

5) EVERY WEEK COULD BE THE BEST GENRE MOVIE YOU’LL SEE ALL YEAR

DO NOT MISTAKE WHAT COMMUNITY DOES AS MERE “REFERENCES” (THOUGH THERE ARE A SHIT TON OF THOSE TOO). THE SHOW DELVES INTO DIFFERENT GENRES FOR ENTIRE EPISODES, TRANSCENDING WHAT MAKES THOSE GENRES UNIQUE AND USING THEM TO COMMENT ON THEIR OWN CHARACTERS/STORIES/IDEALS. NO TV SHOW HAS EVER EVEN COME CLOSE TO DOING THIS AS WELL. ALREADY, THEY HAVE SUCCESSFULLY INTEGRATED THE FOLLOWING GENRES: MOB MOVIES, ACTION FILMS (“MODERN WARFARE” CANDIDATE FOR ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES OF TV EVER), CONSPIRACIES, WESTERNS, ZOMBIE MOVIES, CHRISTMAS CLAY-MATION SPECIALS, DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (TOLD WITH LOTR STYLIZATION EVEN THOUGH IT’S JUST ALL OF THEM SITTING AROUND A TABLE TALKING. IT’S PERFECT), BOTTLE EPISODES, A TV CLIP SHOW MADE OUT OF ENTIRELY NEW MATERIAL, A PULP FICTION/MY DINNER WITH ANDRE MASH-UP, APOLLO 13, 2001, AND COUNTLESS, COUNTLESS OTHERS.

5) ABED

DANNY PUDI PLAYS ABED, THE SHOW’S BREAKOUT CHARACTER. HE SPENDS MUCH OF THE FIRST SEASON AS CONDUIT FOR META COMMENTARY AND DEADPAN SEMI-ASPERGIAN WIT, BUT THE SHOW SLOWLY, SOMEHOW MANAGES TO TURN THAT SEEMINGLY LIMITED PERSONALITY INTO OF THE MOST LOVABLE PEOPLE ON TELEVISION. WON’T LINK TO ANYTHING BECAUSE IT’S NOT WORTH RUINING IT.

6) DONALD GLOVER

DONALD GLOVER IS SO FREAKING TALENTED IT IS KIND OF NOT FAIR. SERIOUSLY, NOT ONLY WAS HE ON THE FOREFRONT OF INTERNET SKETCH COMEDY WITH DERRICK COMEDY, HE THEN WROTE FOR 30 ROCK’S FIRST 3 (AND BEST) SEASONS. THEN HE GOT A LEAD IN THIS AMAZING SITCOM (A ROLE TRANSFORMS BRILLIANTLY OVER THE COURSE OF THE SHOW). AND NOW GUESS WHAT? HE IS SIMULTANEOUSLY TOURING UNDER HIS HIP HOP ALTER EGO CHILDISH GAMBINO… AND DOUBLE GUESS WHAT? HE’S FREAKING REALLY, REALLY GOOD... IT’S KIND OF RIDICULOUS.

7) IT IS BETTER THAN THE BIG BANG THEORY

YOU LIKE NERDY THINGS? HULK LIKE NERDY THINGS TOO. WHO DOESN’T THESE DAYS? THE PROBLEM IS THAT EVERY WEEK THE BIG BANG THEORY MANAGES TO DESTROY COMMUNITY IN THE RATINGS. THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM BECAUSE, WHILE THE BIG BANG THEORY IS WELL MEANING, HAS SOME LIKEABLE ACTORS ,AND DOES TECHNICALLY REFERENCE “STUFF” THAT HULK LIKES, THE SHOW IS 1) NOT THAT FUNNY 2) SAFE 3) CLOYING AND 4) A PRETTY BULLSHIT TREATMENT OF NERDS/NERD CULTURE. SERIOUSLY, IT’S PATRONIZING BULLSHIT. MEANWHILE, COMMUNITY MANAGES TO EXPLORE MANY OF THE SAME THINGS IN A FAR MORE PROFOUND WAY AND TREAT PEOPLE LIKE ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS EXISTING IN A WORLD WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS (EVEN WHEN SHIT GETS CRAZY). THE BIG BANG THEORY IS A DINOSAUR STRAIGHT FROM THE MIND OF 80’S NERDISM.

EVIDENCE:

8 ) CHEVY CHASE PLAYS AN OLD RACIST MAN

REPEAT: CHEVY CHASE PLAYS AN OLD RACIST MAN.

NO OTHER INFORMATION NECESSARY.

9) YVETTE NICOLE BROWN PLAYS SHIRLEY, THE MOST UNDERREPRESENTED CHARACTER ON TV

YVETTE PLAYS A YOUNG, BLACK, CHRISTIAN MOTHER INTEGRATED INTO A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO ARE TECHNICALLY NOTHING LIKE HER, TECHNICALLY CAN’T UNDERSTAND HER, AND YET THE SHOW COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDS HOW TO TREAT THAT DYNAMIC HONESTLY. YOU SEE, COMMUNITY DOES NOT USE SHIRLEY TO CRAM IN ANY HAM-FISTED IDEAS ABOUT RACE OR RELIGION. SHE IS NOT A MOUTHPIECE FOR ANYTHING, NOR MEANT TO REPRESENT ANYTHING. NOR DOES IT HAPLESSLY APE HER IDENTITY FOR COMEDY PURPOSES (AND ANY TIME IT DOES SO ARE GENIAL/LIGHT, OR PIERCE RELATED). NO, WHAT THE SHOW WANTS MOST OF ALL WITH SHIRLEY IS TO UNDERSTAND HER AND RELATE IN AS NON-CLOYING WAY AS POSSIBLE. HULK CONSIDERS THIS A TINY REVOLUTION IN TERMS OF TELEVISION’S USUAL STANCE. DAN HARMON REGULARLY ADMITS HE WOULD NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE/REPRESENT SHIRLEY, AND SO HE MAKES THE SHOW ABOUT BOTH HOW THE CHARACTERS LEARN HOW TO RELATE TO HER, HOW TO RESPECT HER,AND MORE IMPORTANTLY HOW SHE MAKES DUE WITH THIS KIND OF EXISTENCE. SHE IS, OF COURSE, JUST A PERSON LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SHOW. YVETTE CLEARLY BRINGS SO DAMN MUCH TO THE ROLE, BUT THERE IS A KIND OF CULTURAL HONESTY AT PLAY WITH HER/SHIRLEY THAT IS FAR TOO RARE IN MEDIA THESE DAYS. OH AND IDENTITY POLITICS ASIDE, YVETTE IS A HILARIOUS WITH AMAZING RANGE AND CONTROL. WATCH:

AND WHEN THE SHOW DOES TACKLE RACE? IT OFTEN LOOKS MORE LIKE THIS:

10) KEN JEONG

AFTER HIS BRILLIANT TYRANNY IN SEASON 1, THEY HAVEN’T REALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT TO WITH HIM BUT THAT’S FINE. HE’S PLAYING A SPECIAL KIND OF BATSHIT THAT TRANSLATES BEAUTIFULLY AS PERHAPS THE BEST “JUST OFF FRAME” / “CUT TO” CHARACTER IN TV TODAY. EVIDENCE:

11) JIM RASH

IT IS A TESTAMENT TO JIM RASH’S ABILITY THAT HE IS NOW A PART OF THE MAIN CAST. HE PLAYS THE DEAN OF GREENDALE… JOHN GOODMAN CALLED HIM PANSEXUAL IN THE MOST RECENT EPISODE… THAT’S PROBABLY THE BEST DESCRIPTION. HE GETS BETTER AND BETTER WITH EVERY EPISODE. HULK’S FAVORITE MOMENT IS WHEN HE STEALS THE JEFF WINGER “COOL CAT” POSTER.

12) JOEL MCFUCKINGCHALE

COMMUNITY IS A TRUE ENSEMBLE, BUT THE GROUPS “LEADER” IS A DISGRACED LAWYER TRYING TO EARN A NOT-FAKE DEGREE. AND HE’S PLAYED BY ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET: JOEL MCHALE. THERE IS PERHAPS NO ONE BETTER AT VOCAL INFLECTION, POINTED BARBS, AND DEFTLY WOVEN COMIC NARRATIVE THEN MCHALE. FYI, COMIC NARRATIVE IS WHEN YOU CAN EXTEND A SINGLE NUGGET OF AN IDEA/JOKE INTO A LARGER “NARRATIVE” OF A SINGLE SCENE/LINE/EXCHANGE . YES, IT’S IN THE WRITING BUT IT REALLY TAKES CERTAIN KIND OF PERFORMERS TO PULL IT OFF. LIKE THIS:

STILL, THE SHOW IS NEVER AFRAID TO PUT JEFF IN THE BACKGROUND WHEN NEEDED (ONE OF IT’S STRENGTHS) BUT IT WHEN IT PUTS HIS BEST SKILLS ON THE FOREFRONT? PERFECT COMBINATION OF CHARACTER/ACTOR. HERE IS THE FIRST OF HIS NOW-FAMOUS COMMUNITY “SPEECHES” FROM THE PILOT.

13) BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T WATCH IT WE HAVE FAILED AS A CULTURE

AS LITTLE AS TWELVE YEARS AGO, THE FUNNIEST AND BEST SHOWS WERE ALSO THE MOST WATCHED. SERIOUSLY. THE SIMPSONS? SEINFELD? BOTH DOMINATED. NOW THERE ARE CERTAIN REASONS THAT ALL RATINGS NUMBERS ARE DIPPING (MORE FRACTURED AUDIENCES, DVRS, PEOPLE WATCHING IN OTHER WAYS) BUT THAT DOES NOT NEARLY ACCOUNT FOR THE NUMBERS COMMUNITY IS EXHIBITING. FOR ALL PEOPLE’S B.S. TALK OF THE SHOW BEING TOO “META” OR INSULAR OR WEIRD, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DIFFERENT GOING ON FROM THE SIMPSONS OR SEINFELD. NONE. HELL, IT’S NOT EVEN COMING CLOSE TO THE MILE A MINUTE PACE AND CONSTANT REFERENCES OF THE SIMPSONS. THE ARGUMENT THAT IT IS SOMEHOW A CASE OF AVERSIONARY CONTENT HOLDING THE SHOW BACK, MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO DAMN SENSE.

SO WHAT THIS IS COMES DOWN TO IS THIS: YOU ARE NOT WATCHING IT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU WILL END UP LOVING IT. SIMPLE AS THAT.

REALLY IT IS.

WHY? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT WAS FOR HULK.

THE FIRST SEASON ENDED AND HULK HADN’T WATCHED IT. OH HULK WAS STILL BUSY “SORT OF” WATCHING THE OFFICE AND DIDN’T “HAVE TIME” FOR COMMUNITY. ESPECIALLY SINCE HULK HAD WATCHED THE PILOT, WHICH WAS SOLID BUT NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP HULK COMING BACK (IN RETROSPECT, IT WAS BRILLIANT SET UP). IT BASICALLY TOOK A FRIEND’S INSTANCE THAT THE SHOW ABSOLUTELY HAD TO BE WATCHED. THEY DEMANDED. SO HULK GAVE IN AND NETFLIXED THE FIRST SEASON.

… HULK FINISHED IT IN 52 HOURS.

THEN HULK WATCHED THE SECOND SEASON AS IT AIRED AND WAS DELIGHTED BY THE FACT IT WORKS BEAUTIFULLY AS A WEEK-TO-WEEK SHOW TOO.

IT IS SIMPLY THE BEST COMEDY ON TV.

BUT SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED… WE’VE STOPPED WATCHING THE BEST COMEDIES ON TV… AND WE NEED TO CORRECT IT…. DESPERATELY.

YOU ARE OUT OF EXCUSES UNIVERSE.

SO FUCKING STOP IT.

WATCH THE SHOW OR HULK WILL SMASH YOUR ASS.

❤ HULK

P.S.! – BONUS TRIVIA FOR A FREE DVD OF COMMUNITY SEASON 1: WHILE THE TONE OF THE SHOW IS A BIT MADCAP, DAN HARMON FREQUENTLY CITES CHEERS AS A MAIN INFLUENCE ON THE SHOW. IN THAT SPIRIT THE FIRST PERSON TO ANSWER THESE FOUR QUESTIONS IN THE COMMENTS BELOW AND HAS NOT SEEN COMMUNITY BUT WANTS TO WILL BE SENT A FREE SEASON 1 COMMUNITY DVD BY HULK.

SO HERE GOES (IN ASCENDING DIFFICULTY): 1) WHAT WAS NORM’S WIFE NAME?

2) WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT ABOVE THE BAR?

3) WHO PLAYED THE CONMAN “HARRY THE HAT” AND WHAT OTHER POPULAR SITCOM DID HE GO ON TO STAR IN?

4) NAME THE TWO ITEMS THAT CLIFF CLAVIN KARATE CHOPS IN A DEMONSTRATION OF HIS MARTIAL ARTS ABILITIES? AND WHO CARRIES HIM UP THE STAIRS AFTERWARDS?