my friend jeremy geidt just died.

about two hours ago i was headed over to his house in Cambridge to say hello (he’s old, and he’s been sick lately) but wound up saying goodbye - he’d passed away about an hour before I got there. there was his body and his nurse and a policeman and the funeral home came to take him away.

i stayed for a while and held his cold hand and thought my thoughts and cried and called neil and all that.

then i didn’t know what to do - I’d been planning on answering email all day … so I decided to come to the porter square bookstore to get a tea and fresh roll and write in my journal. as soon as I sat down a girl came up to me and said

“are you amanda ?

and I said

"yes”

and she said

“can I play you a song?”

and I said

“right here in the bookstore? probably we should go outside instead.”

so we did, and she played me a cover of “blister in the sun". she’s only been playing the ukulele for 5 days. and I sang with her and then I asked her if she wanted me to play for her. and she requested “in my mind", and her three friends came over.

I told them it was really nice timing because my friend just died and also I’d just seen and touched my first real dead body and was feeling all sad and strange inside. and they all hugged me and I played them the song and one of them filmed it and we dedicated it to Jeremy and had a little wake. they said they’d upload the video later today. I wanted neil to see it. it is, I supposed, my weird way of being together with him when I’m not. I said to denette, the girl, “this video might make him cry".

and she said,

“that’s fine. he’s made me cry.”

and then I took a picture of her and her suitcase and her ukulele strapped to her back, because she’s on her way to maine.

can you understand what I am feeling right now?

because I can’t.

but it’s something big and huge and never ends, really….

it’s just a circle.

angels are everywhere.