Hello friends, Last year was a big year in my life. I learned that I am autistic, worked to support my daughter as she battled an eating disorder, and spent time in the hospital due to heart disease. I grieved the unexpected loss of a dear friend. I also resigned from The Liturgists, a company that acted as a vehicle for work that is very important to me (namely helping people deal with the fallout from spiritual disenfranchisement). I've spent the last few months resting and recovering. As someone who works in the public eye, periods like these are both exciting and daunting. I've found people to be supportive and encouraging, but I've also noticed some consistent questions show up in your cards and letters, as well as in your questions after events. I thought it might be helpful to explore those questions together. Question 1: "How are you doing? Are you ever coming back?" As I write this, friend, I feel better than I can recall feeling at any time in my life. I spent the last few months of 2019 tending a small vegetable garden and watching birds so that my heart could begin to heal. I mean "heart" in two ways there, both the organ in my chest as well as my feelings. As my body got better, I took the time to dig deeper into my therapeutic process than I have been able to before, finally starting to name and address some deep wounds from childhood that have acted as a backseat driver in my daily life. I am not healed; I am healing. I am not recovered; I am recovering. This is the first picture I took of myself in 2020. This is a tender moment: the first time I have looked at myself in a photograph and honestly, profoundly loved who I saw in the frame. 2019 was so hard, but it forced me to pay attention to my body and my mental health in a way that I never have before, and I believe that is setting the stage for a new era in my life where I can do this work I love to do sustainably. My season of total rest is over. My first season of working in balance is beginning right now with this email message. Question 2: "What really happened with The Liturgists?" So many of you have sent thoughtful notes and messages to me, and I want you to know that I cherish them. But, I have noticed that the carefully phrased statement offered about my departure provoked curiosity. The Liturgists has played as significant a role in many of your lives as it has in mine. I left The Liturgists because of my health, both my heart health and my mental health. My heart is nearly recovered. My mental health, however, requires more time. In this season of therapeutic work, I have learned that I struggle with codependency. That codependency was a major factor in the decline of my heart health. Though I started my work with The Liturgists because I encountered a divine light that I wanted to share. Over time, my codependent need to rescue other people eclipsed that original mission. I'd fallen into a pattern of codependency with around my work on The Liturgists Podcast. I want you to know that I don't feel any shame over this. I don't feel bad or wrong. I was doing the best that I knew how to do at the time, and that work managed to help literally millions of people even as it came from a costly place for me. That's why I am no longer a part of The Liturgists. I need time to rewrite the way I work with others, and the way I engage with the public and the scale of The Liturgists makes that too difficult. For me to continue to grow, I have to close that chapter of my life in my mind. Like you, I look forward to hearing the next season of The Liturgists Podcast. Perhaps unlike you, I am profoundly relieved to not be a part of creating it. Question 3: "What's next for you?" A lot! The last few years have been a journey of emotional growth and discovery for me. I have experienced profound healing, and I want the next season of my work to be about inviting people into their own personal journey of healing. To that end, 2020 is going to be a huge year! You are a Miracle (and a Pain in the Ass) I started writing a personal growth book, and within weeks my life started to unravel. The outcome of that brutal process is perhaps the work I am most proud of in my entire life. This book explores psychology, behavioral economics, addiction, compulsion, suicide, and neurology from the perspective of someone trying to survive and be a "good person" at the same time. The book comes out on April 28, 2020, and I can't wait to share this one with you. It is a profoundly healing book. You can preorder the book here. A new podcast with me and Hillary McBride Hillary and I had a vision for a show about learning to love and live with our emotions. We expect to launch this program, called How We Feel, in the spring of this year. But, as this is a program about supporting mental health well, we are actually making the show in a way that promotes the mental health of everyone working on it. I am so proud to say we don't have an exact release date. How We Feel will be ready when it's ready, but gosh, we've recorded a bit already, and I am sure that you are going to absolutely love this program. Ask Science Mike Now more than 200 episodes in, my podcast is still going strong. I've been playing around with the format, mixing in interviews and conversations with the traditional question-and-response shows. I have never enjoyed making this program more than I do right now. New episodes come out almost every week, and we have amazing plans for this year. Click here to listen and subscribe. Science Mike goes to Hollywood I've spent my life studying both science and storytelling. Anyone who has ever been to a party or social event with me knows that those two topics are almost all I talk about. That obsession lead to something both unexpected and delightful: people have started hiring me to help them tell stories as a science consultant, a story advisor, or both. So far, I've been able to work on really amazing projects with clients like Marvel Studios, Netflix, and Pete Holmes. This email list I got my start in media as a blogger. Podcasts and books took over most of my creative work because it's easier to make an impact at scale with those media, but I miss writing more regularly. I also miss interacting with people in the comments of posts that I would write. One of my goals for early 2020 is to rebuild my email list into something that serves as an interactive outlet for writing. I want a way to share longer-form pieces than I can put on social media, while also providing a channel for you and me to communicate directly. There's nothing specific to announce yet, but I wanted you to know something was coming. I want to use your email address for more than telling you when I have events, and I want to take advantage of the fact that email lets you not just read, but also reply. Which you can try right now! If you reply to this message, your response will go to my team and me. We'd love to hear your answer to this question: What do you hope is different in your life and in the world this year? An ending invites a new beginning As you can see, I'm not riding off into the sunset. I have so much work I want to do from a healthy place. I am excited to take advantage of a new decade to carry forward those habits that support me while leaving behind those that don't. Thank you for being a part of my life. Peace, love, entropy, Mike McHargue