So, get out your wallets folks, because Amazon is having a GIANT sale on all Trump products that relentlessly mock Donald Trump!

Recently, Trump has taken it upon himself to manipulate the stock prices of companies he doesn’t like, so he can cross out “violate ALL known ethics clauses and laws pertaining to conflicts of interest” off of his “To-Do” list.

Trump has been diligently attacking Amazon, because he obviously has absolutely nothing better to do with his time. Trump feels that by relentlessly refusing to read any intelligence reports longer than 5 words, and also refusing to learn anything about running a country, it saves him the time that allows him endeavors such as these.

First a word about AMAZON. There’s a REASON they’re successful. Amazon rules the retail roost. Here’s why.

You purchase something in a store. When you plug it in demons come out of it*.

(*This is exactly how Stephen Miller and Laura Ingraham were invented.) You go all the way back to the store you purchased it from, wait on a LONG line, where after explaining your demon problem with the item you purchased, a person says “I don’t know — I’ll have to ask my manager, but he just killed himself, so if you can wait 2 hours and 45 minutes, a NEW manager can help you, once our new manager finishes violently weeping”.

OR

Purchase something on Amazon. If there’s a problem they apologize to you — EVEN IF IT’S TOTALLY YOUR OWN FAULT, and tell you to send it right back, no fuss, no questions asked.

Who is going to win this race? Amazon. That’s why they’re sweeping up. They treat their customers as if they’re all Jeff Bezo’s mother. They treat us like we’re THAT important.

But Trump wants to destroy Amazon, due to Jeff Bezos also owning The Washington Post (a newspaper run by humans, from Earth). Trump’s “Fake Reality” causes Trump to yell “Fake News” at any news organizations that accurately reports on things Trump says and does publicly. He yells “Fake News” the way amateur, goateed, magicians yell “Abracadabra”, but with much, much, less dignity. As an aside, the Washington Post was the entity (Woodward and Bernstein) that brought down Nixon, when Nixon was busy screaming about how they were “Fake News”.

So, NOW, Amazon is featuring an array of products, reflective of the gravitas, and decorum of Trump’s place-holder “presidency”. Such as this:

Putin doesn’t need this, because Trump cleans Putin’s backside personally, with his tongue.

Or, for those of us who enjoy a nice, hot, cup of Covfefe in the morning, there’s these house-ware accessories.