Food allergies can be a difficult part of anyone’s life, but we all know they take the greatest toll on the people directly impacted by them: Those who have to cook for people with allergies. The inconvenience of having to exclude ingredients just because they threaten the life of one person can put a strain on any relationship, and that’s why I’m so sorry that I’m being difficult as usual by asking you to preferably make us food that won’t cause me death.

No one likes a high-maintenance dinner guest, and I respect that. In fact, the worst part of my peanut, tree nut, and shellfish allergy isn’t having to be hyper-vigilant about what I eat, experiencing anxiety every time I go to a restaurant, or people gleefully reminding me that I would die under survival of the fittest circumstances. Rather, it’s having to be so annoying by insisting that I not eat food that will kill me, and even going so far as to request I have access to food that won’t.

I take full responsibility for being difficult and it isn’t my intention to downplay what a drag it is that you have to check if there are nuts in this dish, but I hope you can see that at the end of the day, we’re not so different. For example, the way you feel about having to make adjustments or put slightly more effort into preparing a shared meal is a lot like how I feel about dying: Pretty bad!

When my aunt is suddenly reminded of my allergies that I have had since birth and complains, “God, first your cousin with the keto and now this,” it’s like, yes, my cousin’s diet fad and my thing are the same, but I just ask that you be patient with both of us so that Caitlyn doesn’t break any of her rules and I don’t go into anaphylactic shock and cease to be alive.

So, if I may just be the diva once more and request that we have food that doesn’t kill me, that would be amazing. And if not, my EpiPen is in my bag, but I hope for your sake you don’t have to stab me with it —that would be so dramatic and gross!