WORLDWIDE – History’s voice was hoarse this morning and its tone increasingly impatient due to being pretty fucking sick of repeating itself.

“Jesus Christ, we’ve ALREADY BEEN OVER THIS!!” said History, rubbing the bridge of its nose and sipping on warm water with lemon. “It’s RIGHT THERE in the Me Books.”

It’s been a particularly rough season for History, who has seen a lot of blank faces when it referenced old lessons previously thought to have been well hammered in.

“What are you, dense?,” said History, inhaling a rejuvenating blend of essential oils. “I’m not even saying be perfect. Just maybe find new ways to fuck up and hurt each other.”

While History has felt hopeful for humanity in the past, recent events have started turning into a bit of a pessimist.

“Even in chill moments, I’m like, ‘How long until they genocide again? How long ‘til this government falls?” added History, pouring a triple espresso into a mug that said ‘Zero Fucks Left.’

“I can’t wait for a hundred years from now when they’re like, ‘Whoops, I guess hindsight is 20/20.’ And then MORE time passes and hindsight ISN’T 20/20, it’s nearsighted with a motherfucking astigmatism.”

After realizing what was going to happen next, History was struggling to find the motivation to go on.