You ever work on a group project with someone that isn’t pulling their weight? The sort of person that misses deadlines and doesn’t communicate or volunteer for any work?

Of course you have, we all have.

I dreaded group projects in school because of these people and I was convinced that life would be different when I got into the professional world. Once people were paid for their work, these folks would disappear. Was I surprised.

You’d think that with each of us having a lifetime of experience that we’d have a better way of handling these situations. Do you ignore them? Confront them? Hope some omniscient force changes them into a completely different person?

We all secretly hope these difficult coworkers and group partners disappear and we won’t have to bother with them. Especially since the best advice we seem to receive is “you won’t have to work with them forever” or “life is full of difficult people”. Gee, thanks.

Here’s the hard truth, you have an obligation to address these situations. Even if you have no formal authority, as a leader, you have to do what you can to make a positive impact. Your goal should be to make them aware of your concerns, understand their perspective, and work towards a common goal.

Start the conversation right

Don’t come into this conversation guns firing. A dialogue has to be mutually agreed to, so you need to approach this person in a setting that is a) private and b) neutral. Pick a conference room, lunch spot, or otherwise neutral territory where you both can be most at-ease.

Open the conversation with what you want to talk about and give the person the option to participate.

“I want to talk to you about our work on this project together. I’m worried we’re not on the same page and wanted to have an open conversation. Are you open to a discussion?”

By giving someone the option to say “yes” or “no”, you’re allowing the conversation to be on equal footing. There’s a chance to person says “no, I don’t want to talk about it”. And that’s fine. If you’re catching this person on a bad day or a bad time, this is their subtle way of telling you that they aren’t in a place to have this talk. That’s much better than forcing someone into a conversation they don’t want to have.

Be honest and be specific

The number one problem when people give feedback is that they’re unclear. Speak plainly, but with kindness, about what you’re experiencing. Don’t loop in other people, speak only for yourself. Bring in at least two distinct examples of unconstructive behavior that you’ve observed

“I’ve noticed a couple of things that have me concerned. The past two meetings you haven’t had the work you agreed to done. And you haven’t been participating in the group chats. I’m telling myself this means you don’t really want to be part of the team.”

Don’t present your arguments as indisputable facts. Look, this is your perspective. It’s fine to highlight that their behavior makes you feel bad, but focus on the impact they’re having on the big picture. If you believe their behavior is a) hurting morale and b) contributing to a worse work product, then give specific examples around those issues.

Give them a chance to tell their side of the story

This step is where all of these conversations go wrong. Don’t get confused, you’re not going into this dialogue to give the other person “a piece of your mind”. Your goal isn’t to tell them, it’s to better understand the difference in expectations and find common ground. Maybe they’re spread too thin with other projects. Maybe they’re going through personal problems.



Don’t assume you know about their circumstances. We’ve all had situations where we were certain we had all the facts straight, only to become aware of new information that completely changed our perspective. This is especially true if the other person has no idea that they’re being thought of as a slacker. The best way you can keep this from escalating into a finger-pointing session is show that you are here to listen.

“I’m sure I don’t have all the facts, can you help me understand your perspective?”

Discuss potential solutions or leave things here

There’s a 50/50 chance the conversation is still going well at this point. If you’re lucky and the person has received your feedback well and shared their perspective openly, then you can probe for common ground.

“Based on what we’ve both shared, any ideas on what some common ground might be for next steps? It’s important to me that we find a win-win.”

Or, if it’s not going well, cut the conversation off here.

“Hey, I’m sensing that this is probably a good point to leave this discussion. I appreciate that you allowed me to share my perspective. I’m going to think about what you said. If you’re open, I’d like to try to discuss this again in the future.”

There’s no promise that these conversations can end well. All crucial conversations take practice, preparation, and an open-mind. As a leader, there’s never a guarantee that any of your efforts to make positive change are going to be well received. That’s not why you do it. You do it to try to make as much positive difference as you can.

Good luck out there.

-Patrick

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