It's been a while since we checked in with the F-35 Flying Swiss Army Knife, the airplane that ate the federal budget. Let's see if they've gotten all the bugs out of the system yet.

Nope.

"While Pratt & Whitney has implemented a number of design changes that have resulted in significant reliability improvements, the F-35A and F-35B engines are still at about 55 percent and 63 percent, respectively, of where the program expected them to be at this point," said the report by the Government Accountability Office. The F-35A is the Air Force version of the plane, and the F-35B is the Marine Corps version, which is capable of short takeoffs and vertical landings. There is also an F-35C Navy version designed for carrier operations.

OK, everything I know about aeronautics can be summed up in the phrase, "Please return your tray table to its original upright and locked position for landing." But it strikes me that, if you've made significant reliability improvements, and the engines are still (at best) about 63 percent, the reliability improvements probably haven't been significant enough to get me to fly in the damn thing.

Also not good:

The issue caused sensors to restart once every four hours of flying due to the timing of software messages from the sensors to the main F-35 fusion computer and the aim was to improve this to one in every eight to 10 flying hours, the statement said. Michael Gilmore, the Pentagon's chief weapons tester, said the program would not be ready for operational testing until mid-2018, a year later than expected, due to delays in completion of the jet's software and other issues. He said more than 300 planes would have been produced by the end of fiscal 2017, when that testing is now due to start.

Apparently, this glitch requires the pilot to remember to turn off the radar and then turn it back on again. I'd imagine this might slip your mind in a combat situation. And if it reminds you of everything a guy in a call center in Bangalore has recommended as a solution to problems with your laptop, you're not alone.

But others, including Keith Joiner, who is responsible for evaluating the plane's performance for the Australian defence force, are looking to stop or delay further orders. Joiner told Radio National Background Briefing: "Some systems like the radar control are fundamentally worse than the earlier version, which is not a good sign. The next software version is block 4. It won't be available until 2020. So there'll be nothing but fixing bugs in the original software between 2013 and 2020."

Yeah, but we'll get this puppy fixed and then it's off to the Wild Blue Yonder, right?

Not so much.

While flight performance is one concern being addressed by software updates, the mostly software-driven plane also has yet to be tested for resistance to hacking, something that could be a real possibility with cyber warfare an increasing threat across the world. Joiner said: "The only system that has done cyber security, vulnerability and penetration testing is the logistics software, so [we're] ordering spares. And it didn't go very well."

The price for this gobbler is now north of $100 million apiece. I think of this every time I see a pothole or a rusty guard rail on a bridge.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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