It’s safe to say, that Kanye’s last 3 solo albums have been met with hesitation. MBDTF, while I believe is incredibly overrated, I can see why it has earned the acclaim, and proved an experimental success for Kanye, and proved that hip-hop could be versatile. 808s was autotune trash, most agree, and Yeezus, well, where do I start… (on the next line)

TRACK 1: ON SIGHT

On Sight opens the album up with some incredibly strange, and awful, that sounds like the soundtrack to an alien porno (yes they do exist). If somebody with Parkinson’s Disease hit the mixing software in 2076, that’s what it would sound like. Now, it should be said, that overall, this album lyrically, is probably 30% about him fucking Kim Kardashian, 20% about racism, and 50% about him being “Yeezus”. This track takes on the Fuck Kim vibe, with lyrics such as “Black dick in your spouse again”, and, “but I got her back in and put my dick in her mouth”. This track is lyrically not the worst on the album, but the production is just awful, if I wanted to feel like I was at a Star Trek party, I wouldn’t buy Yeezus.

Rating: 2/10

Worst line: We get this bitch shaking like Parkinson’s

TRACK 2: BLACK SKINHEAD

Black Skinhead is one of the high points of the album, or should I say, one of the “I don’t want to syringe my ears” points of the album. The production was actually decent, and it was one of the few songs that wasn’t about Kim’s vagina or his dick. This song proved that Kanye could at least be average on his new album. As not shit as this song is, I always laugh when I hear the hook. “I keep it 300, like the Romans”. Kanye got it wrong, 300 was about Spartans, but in a desperate attempt to prove him right, the Kanye dickriders made ridiculous claims that it was Roman Numerals representing “Cool, Calm and Collected”, and frankly, this annoys me.

Rating: 5/10

Worst Line: I keep it 300, like the Romans

TRACK 3: I AM A GOD

When I first listened to Yeezus, I thought this was the worst song I had ever heard, but I will disprove that later in this review. This is the first track where we really hear Kanye reiterating that he is in fact “Yeezus”, and that Jesus is almost a lesser being. I don’t think he said “I am a God” enough in this track, so in case you didn’t get the message, Kanye is a God. More dubstep like production here, and unless you like dubstep, lord knows why, it’s pretty bad. The intro is performed by some random Jamaican who can’t be understood, so I don’t know if it was good or bad, but all I know is, he sounds like a possessed Jamaican parrot. Kanye comes in at the start with some pretty shit lyrics, like “I am a God, hurry up with my damn massage”. Very average, with that alien porn production in the background. His shitty lyrics are mirrored later, only replacing massages with croissants. We then hear some weird screaming noise, maybe he autotuned Kim when he fucked her. Then more of the same.

Rating: 1/10

Worst Line: I just talked to Jesus, he said what up Yeezus

TRACK 4: NEW SLAVES

Another one of Kanye’s socially aware songs, and this song is saved by the incredible vocals of Frank Ocean, without whom, this song would be destined for failure. The production on this song, was decent at times, and awful at times, and in terms of rapping, this one of Kanye’s better tracks. The violin thing in the middle fucking sucks. Guys, he sees the blood on the leaves. The second verse isn’t great, and and he seems to have lost a lot of his writing talents since MBDTF. Between the second verse and Frank Ocean, is some horrific autotune of both a mouse and a man, until Frank Ocean, gives us 40 seconds of angelic vocals, and then some guy from another country comes in with some Polish or some shit.

Rating: 4/10

Worst Line: I’d rather be a dick than a swallower

TRACK 5: HOLD MY LIQUOR

What on earth possessed Kanye to autotune Chief Keef, I will never know, maybe the parrot from, I Am A God. The autotune on this track is cringe worthy. The production is surprisingly chill for Yeezus, and sounds like the foreplay for the aliens. Kanye’s delivery on this track is a little awkward, but not too bad. More autotune in the bridge, just to remind us that none of the people on this track can actually sing. While Kanye was lyrically decent here, a song is made of different parts, and the hook and bridge were atrocious.

Rating: 3/10

Worst Line: Pussy had me dead, might call 2Pac over

TRACK 6: I’M IN IT

I mentioned earlier that I thought I Am A God was the worst track I had heard, but I’m In It takes shit to a new level. If you want to know about Kanye’s sexual habits, this is the song for you. This song is purely about Kanye fucking Kim, and while I am not restricted to conscious songs by Pharoahe Monch, this song is fucking ass. After Kanye’s first verse, we hear a new Jamaican, and this one isn’t possessed with a parrot, more an angry hippopotamus. If I could understand what he said, I would rate his lyrics, but I can’t. Sorry. The sexual grunting throughout the song is just unnerving, and the second verse is the worst verse I have ever heard, swear on my grandmother’s grave. While the “Then she came like AAAAHHH” makes me laugh for 5 minutes every time I hear it, it’s still fucking horrendous. This is without a doubt the worst song I have ever heard, it makes Fack look like Shook Ones. In the outro, Kanye introduces us to Swaghili, which might be the only positive taken from this entire album.

Rating: 0/10

Worst Line(s): “Eating asian pussy all I need was sweet and sour sauce”

“You know I need that wet mouth, I know you need that reptile”

“Put a fist in her like a civil rights sign”

“I be speaking Swaghili”

TRACK 7: BLOOD ON THE LEAVES

Another one of Kanye’s socially aware songs (one may have first thought), samples Strange Fruit. Most of you will know the cultural significance of that song, especially those of you who are black, and Kanye fucking disgraced it. A song that was so important, could be featured in this album, sandwiched by Kanye’s shitty autotune. Kanye uses this sample, a song deeply rooted within black history, and starts talking about women. The beat kicks in and sounds like something you would see on a high school basketball mixtape, not too bad. Unfortunately, in my opinion, some of the best production on the album, was ruined by Kanye’s shitty lyrics.

Rating: 3/10

Worst Line: “She Instagram herself like Bad Bitch Alert, he Instagram his watch like Mad Ritch Alert”

TRACK 8: GUILT TRIP

Guilt Trip is probably the song on the album that is mentioned the least, and it’s not hard to see why. It’s not bad enough to be hated on like some of the other tracks on here, and it’s not good enough for you to listen the whole way through. Surprise, more autotune. Also, another random Jamaican, I don’t know why he got so many on this album. I heard the words “all” “dem” and “gwan” this time, not that I know what a “gwan” is. The production is OK, but you could have the best beat in the world, and put autotune on it, it suddenly turns shit. The thing that makes this song audible at some point, is Kid Cudi in the middle. Also, only having one verse from Kanye limits the amount of shit that can be put on the track, given his first verse was lyrically one of the low points of the album (like there could be highs).

Rating: 3/10

Worst Line: The whole verse to be honest

TRACK 9: SEND IT UP

A hard hitting beat here, which sounds like the guy makes ambulance sirens got it a bit wrong. I don’t understand the “reliving the past” thing at the start, sounds really weird, oh well, who really cares. King Louie comes in with some monotone, deep rapping, that isn’t really bad, but is far from good also. It all starts going downhill when the alien porn comes back between verses, and then Kanye gets on the track. He starts off by rhyming “In The Club” with “In Da Club” before using other words like “Benz” and “Friends” to mike his lines rhyme. This song overall wasn’t horrible, and I listened to it the whole way through, without crying. Again, the dude on the outro is just fucking weird, I think he might have been another random Jamaican.

Rating: 5/10

Worst Line: Tight dress dancing close to him, Yeezus just rose again

TRACK 10: BOUND 2

We made it to the last track, thank Yeezus for that, and it is by far the best track on the album. Kanye seems to have finally gotten back to his soulful production of old, before the days of 808s and Heartbreak. Lyrically, Kanye is still pretty shitty, but there is no alien porn, no Jamaican’s screaming, no Kanye screaming like he is going Super Saiyan. This song is the only song on Yeezus that I even moderately enjoyed, and whilst unrelated, the video clip is funny as fuck.

Rating: 7/10

Worst Line: I wanna fuck you hard in the sink

I’m sure if you add up all the ratings and divide it by 10, it won’t equal this, but my overall rating is

2/10.

NOW I DON’T EXPECT YOU TO HAVE READ ANY OF THAT, SO:

TL;DR YEEZUS IS FUCKING TRASH, AND IF YOU LIKE IT, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CLICK ON THIS THREAD?