Whoever they are, their lives are on your mail pile.

It’s that time again! The weather is frightful, just like our waistlines. (Ha ha!) Yes, our plates are full, cups runneth over, and memories of hopes and dreams keep piling up. Here’s our annual run-down of the family’s evolving circumstances.

First, we apologize if this is our only touchpoint with you this year. (But that’s a two-way street, isn’t it?) We’ll try to be thorough without boring you to death. Do us a favor, though. If none of this interests you, let us know and we’ll be happy to take you off our “nice list.” (Ha ha!)

Our travels took us to New York, the Cayman Islands, Saugatuck, the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex (that’s what they call it!), Bangalore, and Cedar Point. Those were by choice. Family obligations also put us in the more blighted recesses of our country. So many highlights — and we use that term loosely! We dressed up in funny ethnic clothes, rubbed monuments, kissed stingrays, observed “alternative lifestyles,” threw ceremonial powders, ate prairie oysters, saw a man get shot, and did the usual touristy stuff. Saw Hamilton three times!

Meanwhile, the kids just won’t stop growing. Holy moly!

Our dear Leslie (18) enjoys cheerleading, singing, playing the harpsichord, ornithology, writing dystopian fiction, Byzantine cosplay, rhythmic gymnastics, and presenting TED Talks on semiotic technologies. Last spring she received offers of admission from Harvard, Princeton, Stanford, and scores of other elite universities. But she followed her heart to Florida State, where her boyfriend plays inside linebacker. To cope with this decision, we often say: “Her future is as bright as the sunshine!”

Gail (16) is the classic middle child, with the middling grades to prove it. She still has no discernible interests.

Jacob (13) is having a particularly adventurous journey to self-discovery, with the occasional layover in juvenile detention. We’re happy to report that his latest victim woke from a coma, so we may see Jacob on “the outside” before he’s an adult. Meanwhile, he’s eating well, holding his own, and learning new skills. He made us the most lovely wooden longsword. To those of you who offered suggestions on how to improve our parenting, thank you for your good intentions!

The adults had their share of twists and turns, too!

After years of sacrificing nights and weekends, Bill finally completed his Executive MBA. Yay! Then immediately lost his job because of some baseless accusations. Boo! When people ask, he says he’s an “independent contractor” then changes the subject. That seems to be working for him. He’s always been happiest when drinking, and suffice it to say, his spirits have never been brighter!

As for Miriam (pssst…that’s me!), life is like a hard 16 when the dealer is showing 10. You don’t know whether to hit or stay. (Shout-out to my new friends at Harrah’s!)

All our best to you and yours. Here’s to the happiest holiday you can imagine, and to a new year that comes close to meeting your expectations!