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And yet, when surveys try to break this down to find out what specific programs people want the government to spend less money on, something weird happens. Essentially every government program is popular, with a clear majority of people approving of the amount being spent on it, or wanting even more. Medicare? Yeah, we need that. Defense spending? We'll probably need some of that too. Education? Yup.

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Gotta train those soldiers somehow.

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So how can every program (other than a few relatively small-ticket items, like foreign aid) be popular, but everyone agree that the government's wasting untold amounts of money? It's basic math. If everyone approves of 60 percent of the programs the government spends money on, but they all like different programs, this will result in about a 60 percent approval rate for each program. But every individual will see the government spending money on the 40 percent of orphan-feeding programs they don't like and conclude that the government is wasting money. In short, although everyone agrees the government is wasting money, we'll never all agree on where it's being wasted. Which is fine; that's just clumsy ol' democracy in action. But that means that our zero percent approval rate of overall government spending doesn't mean anything. It might even be a sign of everything working perfectly.

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"So they're guaranteed to hate us no matter what we do?"

"Yes."

"But we can still get $9,250,000 mil-spec jet skis and there's nothing they can do to stop us?"

"Correct."

"I can live with that."

"Vroom vroom."

"VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. Hahahahahhahaha."

Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist, not a trained economist, and shouldn't be left in charge of anything more complicated than a shoe. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.

For more from Bucholz, check out 5 Life Hacks That Can Change an Introvert's Life and 6 Negotiating Tactics That Actual Professionals Use.