Easter, spring, rebirth? Not this year. Instead there is trepidation, heartache and alarm at what’s to come. When the leader of the House called for Big Ben to ring out from its scaffolding on Brexit day, Theresa May said no: this ends not with a bong but a whimper. Easy to see why remainers are wrapped in shrouds of woe, haunted by the tick, tick, tick of the countdown. But why are the triumphant Brexiters so furious, suspicious and vengeful? They won their four-decade dream of “freedom” and “control”. Why are they so bloody miserable? Instead of hope, the victors see saboteurs and conspiracies everywhere.

The referendum set a fuse under democratic institutions, yet it’s the old Tory “establishment” who are turning into anarchist bomb throwers. They know they will have to defend the indefensible for ever. No instant economic calamity, as claimed by Project Fear may happen on Brexit day, but a slow frog-boiler of losses to growth (estimated by the government to be 2-8%), which will see the UK fall further behind erstwhile equals. How will they escape blame?

These ultras are grimly fearful because, along with David Davis, they are being forced to face Brexit realities, with red lines crossed, hefty bills to be paid, cleaving to vital EU agencies if we can, and border issues unresolved. Paranoia makes them behave like insurgents in a guerilla war against “the elite” and “the establishment”. But they are the masters now. Jacob Rees-Mogg warns that May will be ousted if her final deal makes any compromises, but he sounds beleaguered. This leader of the master race lauds “indigenous people”, who have “cast aside their sense of inferiority”. In Brexit speak, the “indigenous”, the “ordinary folk”, are those who agree, while 48% are somehow an “elite”.

The old Tory establishment are turning into anarchist bomb throwers. They will have to defend the indefensible for ever

The Mail’s Stephen Glover embodies the peculiar anger of the triumphant Brexiters. Somehow the cup will be dashed from their lips at the very last moment. Writing for the Daily Mail, of all papers, he fears the “dark arts of hoodwinking”. The “political class” to which he and his newspaper somehow no longer belong “would find a way to frustrate the democratic will of the majority”. A terrible gang of conspirators – Whitehall, the CBI, the BBC, the Financial Times, take your pick – are everywhere, their bad faith undermining “the trust of ordinary folk in their rulers”. It’s a joke. Tories have been ruling for most of my life, their referendum largely won by their voters. Right or left, always beware the totalitarian impulses of those claiming to speak for “the people”.

As for “elite”, that’s a word due for retirement once the likes of Rees-Mogg and Boris Johnson can sling it at opponents with a straight face. Another angry Brexiter, Simon Heffer in the Telegraph, warns: “A second referendum would have the same effect on the health of our democracy as tanks surrounding the Palace of Westminster.” I fear he’s right. Even if a referendum rejected the deal, the cry that “the establishment” had forced “the people” to vote again until they obeyed would unleash perilously explosive outrage.

Nigel Farage and the founder of Fishing for Leave, Aaron Brown, symbolically dumping fish next to the Houses of Parliament. Photograph: Toby Melville/Reuters

Already the Brexit legacy looks alarming. What will it mean to be British, beyond rejecting foreigners? The Brexiters supply no other vision. Instead, from the start, they have set upon the BBC, ever the crucible for national passions. Now the remainers launch their own fusillades against the national broadcaster, both sides furiously convinced of bias. Why report nowhere-man Nigel Farage tipping fish in the Thames but not the thousands marching against Brexit last Saturday? Leavers protest that the BBC covers every report on that damage Brexit is likely to cause, but no good news. So the BBC treads barefoot along a broken glass line, always at risk of splitting the difference between flat- and round-earthers: it can’t get everything right. But it retains more public trust than any other source, its “reality check” site as honest as there is. Risk that at our peril.

We need the trusted arbiters more than ever. The Electoral Commission is under fire, the Telegraph blasting it for bias. The Treasury, civil service … every institution dealing with Brexit is coming under assault, endangering democratic foundations. This fear and loathing from the winners suggests they are not idiots, they can see Brexit is not going well: polls show most people agree. The UK doesn’t hold the whip hand, while foreigners from every continent give pitying looks at a country taking leave of its senses. No wonder feelgood eludes them.

Remainers have better reasons to be miserable. Daily they scour opinion polls like mariners tapping on barometers for fair weather, but the needle is stuck. Polls in recent months have swung to 52% remain and 48% leave, but that’s not nearly enough.

Might a legal challenge work? Best for Britain is asking the courts whether a 2011 act (designed to appease Europhobes) guarantees a referendum in the event of any EU treaty change. The final deal – a treaty change if ever there was one – must surely require a referendum to confirm it? It’s a long shot from the stop-Brexit lobby, whose value is now to counterbalance the John Redwood crash-out-now brigade. Both extremes help make a soft Brexit, or a Norway option, appear like commonsense.

The approach of the shadow Brexit secretary, Keir Starmer, seems fruitful. Last week he promoted a cross-party amendment demanding that if MPs reject the final deal in that hard-won “meaningful vote”, parliament – not May – must decide what happens next: crash out, stay in, pause, renegotiate or put the deal to voters.

I wish there were more than a remote chance Brexit could be stopped, but most voters just want to get on with it. I never stop believing, but let’s face it: only some unimaginable cataclysm can swing public opinion decisively for remain in the very short time left.