"When you disappear and stop communicating instead of dumping your date, you leave them in limbo. It's unfair and cowardly."

Maybe because of the way I was raised, or perhaps because I am a little older and have been through some stuff, but the phenomenon of ghosting really doesn’t appeal to me. I’ve never done it and really don’t understand why people engage in it.

On a base level I see the appeal - it avoids a direct conflict in the sense that it provides a way to end a relationship without you actually saying the words "I’m just not into you".

It avoids the potentially awkward conversations of explaining why you are not interested in someone whom you thought you might be interested in. Someone who was, likely, unaware of your faltering affection.

Now I’ve heard several justifications for ghosting such as "Oh, we hadn’t even slept together", "We weren’t really dating", "We had only gone out a few times" etc. They may seem valid to you, the person doing it, but they mean little to the person you’ve decided isn’t even worth the time to send a text or message to.

READ MORE:

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A relationship, regardless of its nature, requires two parties to communicate.

As anyone knows the beginnings of any romantic relationship are the most stressful, you often second guess yourself over small things e.g. "Did I say the wrong thing?", "Is this the right restaurant?", "Do I go for a kiss?", "Is he/she interested in the same things I am?", "Do we go out or stay in?", "Do I pay for everything or split the bill?"... the list goes on.

The act of ghosting someone does nothing but add to that stress. Why? Uncertainty; "Is he/she avoiding me or is he/she just busy?", "Should I change my plans or assume we’re still going out?".

Uncertainty is, in many ways, worse than certainty, even if that certainty isn’t what you had hoped for. Talk to anyone who has had to wait for a test result for an illness that could change their lives, someone who has had a pregnancy scare, someone who has nervously waited to hear if they got that job they applied for. We’ve all seen a friend agonise over whether the girl or guy they like is going to call/message/show up. Not knowing is often worse than knowing.

Once you know either way, you can move forward. Humans are amazingly resilient creatures and we can deal with negative outcomes. We can change our plans and our lives. We can process things, work through them and come out the other side. Ghosting prevents that process from occurring. It leaves the other party in a state of limbo even though you’ve already started moving on. It is inherently unfair and cowardly.

At the end of the day, as uncomfortable as it may be for a moment, people owe it to each other to be honest and communicate. You don’t have to explain why you’re ending a relationship if you don’t want to; that is totally your prerogative as a human being and no one’s business but your own.

READ MORE:

* Who ghosts who the most? The last texts before being dumped

* Five possible reasons you've been ghosted

* Benching, ghosting, tuning and layby - dating terms explained

However, if you have made the decision to end a relationship, just let the other person know. That’s all. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, there doesn’t have be tears or a serious sit down. You don’t need to build it up or dance around the topic.

A simple, "I’m not interested in this relationship anymore" should be suffice. Of course the person might be hurt or confused, especially if they thought things were going well. They may demand an explanation and, at that point, if you don’t want to give one, then ignoring them is fine.

Just show people a bit of respect and allow them to move on at the same time as you. Ghosting, no matter how you justify it, is a selfish act.

Maybe I’m just out of the loop and it’s how people do things now, but if you can’t bring yourself to be upfront with someone, then that probably says more about you than the person you’re ghosting.