“It’s also crazy how Trump had so much more emotion talking about toilets than he does about most tragedies.” — TREVOR NOAH



“People are flushing toilets 15 times? What? Are they trying to get rid of a body?” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“[Imitating Trump] Toilet’s clogged again. Call the E.P.A. Have them declare my commode a Superfund site. And you’d better get FEMA in here, too, because this bathroom is a disaster.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“O.K., is it just me or does it seem like someone took a dump in the Oval Office that didn’t flush and now they’re trying to blame it on America’s water systems?” — TREVOR NOAH

“Apparently it’s harder than I thought to get rid of a wedding ring.” — SETH MEYERS

“What are you eating? The only time you flush a toilet 15 times is if the D.E.A. is banging on your door and you have a kilo of cocaine up you. That’s not normal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“People in the room were like, ‘Maybe you’re not jiggling the handle properly.’ He’s like, ‘Read the transcript — it was a perfect jiggle.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Let’s just assume that people are flushing their toilets 10 or 15 times. Does that mean that people are telling the president of the United States about their flushing habits or Trump is asking about them? I don’t understand. Like, forget about North Korea — how many times does it take for you to flush?” — JIMMY FALLON

“[As Trump] This is true — I look very strongly at all elements of bathrooms, for hours every day. All of them. Sinks, showers — everything but the scale.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“I’ve never seen the president this mournful. [As Trump] ‘The water comes very quietly dripping out. And then, the silence. And in the silence, you can hear the thoughts.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT