Learning to Find the Light



Isolated. Desolate. Lonely.



All synonyms for a word that we know so well.



Alone.



I’ve definitely experienced this feeling. It’s a darkness that washes over you, abducting all hope and happiness from your life. Sometimes it can take away your most joyful memories. It may even be the cause of losing friends, support systems, and family.



As a growing teenager, I have lost and gained many friends and supporters even during the short period of time that I’ve been on this ear

Learning to Find the Light



Isolated. Desolate. Lonely.



All synonyms for a word that we know so well.



Alone.



I’ve definitely experienced this feeling. It’s a darkness that washes over you, abducting all hope and happiness from your life. Sometimes it can take away your most joyful memories. It may even be the cause of losing friends, support systems, and family.



As a growing teenager, I have lost and gained many friends and supporters even during the short period of time that I’ve been on this earth. There have been times when I have felt like nobody else can relate to me, or that nobody else cares about what I’m doing. This has severely demolished my self-esteem, taking me down several notches. It has caused me to not believe in myself and somehow arrive at the delusion that I can’t live without the validation of others. I used to strive to somehow “perfect” myself so that many people would want to befriend me, but now I know that I don’t have to do that.



Recently, I have come to the epiphany that the only opinion that matters is yours. If you don’t like yourself, that’s what you need to work on, not what others don’t like about you. Everybody has their own opinion, and if you get hung up on them, they will drown you. They will suffocate you and consume all of the hopes and dreams that you ever aspired to have. Moving past these is difficult, understandably. How do you suddenly accept who you are when all you’ve been doing is tearing yourself down? You can’t. It takes work. Hard work. Although it doesn’t happen overnight, it is still possible to turn your future around and secure it.



Most of us can say that we have felt alone, at one time or another, but not many have been tormented by these feelings as much as Arin Andrews in his memoir Some Assembly Required.



Arin Andrews grew up as Emerald, a young girl with a zest for life. She had always felt different, not the same as the other girls around her, and later on, in her teenage years, she went through several changes both mentally and physically that helped her discover who she really was. She lost friends, family, and her entire school pitted against her when she tried to figure out her identity. She went through many difficult times, and as a result, became depressed. With the help of many specialists, she was rerouted and saved. She was saved from her own self. She discovered that she was a transgender, and became Arin, a teenage boy who devoted his life to spreading the word about those who feel out of place and need support and guidance to continue on their journey.



Take a minute and think about this: How would you feel if you were suddenly found yourself all alone in a split second?



“‘I don’t have a place here anymore,’ I said slowly. ‘I don’t see the point.’” (Andrews 106)



Arin had just broken the news to his mother: He was transgender. He was heartbroken knowing that his mother didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t try to understand it, and didn’t mention the fact at all. With each day that passed, Arin grew more and more depressed. This was the darkness, the darkness that had swallowed him whole, the darkness that had consumed his mind, the darkness that had been his worst nightmare. Although some can relate to his exact scenario, many can relate to the darkness in relation to loneliness. Even then, I can’t relate to the magnitude of how many people start to remove themselves from his life. Arin is in a bad place at this point in the book, and for a while, it may only get worse.



“I could live with that. Because I finally felt as though I were going to be able to start living.” (Andrews 120)



Throughout the book, Arin battles mental health issues and building himself up. However, this is one of the only times that we see Arin with a lot of hope. He can finally start to be himself, even if others don’t appreciate his change. It’s a turning point in the memoir. In this passage, Arin is able to obtain a physical change in himself that will allow him to be closer to his true identity. In the midst of the dark times that he’s going through, there’s a glimmer of hope for him. A bright light, at the end of a dark tunnel. Arin can see where his life is going, and he’s hopeful for it. He’s working hard, bringing his situation to others attention, and prioritizing himself first.





“I’ve been blessed with a crazy amount of love in my life, and I’ve got so, so much to give back in return. (Andrews 236)



As one of the last sentences in the book, you can truly see how far Arin has come. He started this novel, unsure of who he was, drowning all alone, nobody lending him any support. He has overcome his depression and mental health issues, made new connections, found a new support system, and overall, he has become a better version of himself. In this particular moment of the book, Andrews is giving a speech to raise awareness of the transgender population. The bright lights shining down, creating that almost-orange tint on your eyelids as you close your eyes, the massive stage with the regal-looking podium, the crowd cheering, screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs. He had really made it far. He started shrouded in darkness, alone, with nobody to help him, and here he stood with the past winners of the Youth Leadership Award, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.



People come and go. Sometimes you feel like you’re running and running in circles and chasing after those who have left you. We need to learn to survive without the validation and support of others. There are always going to be people who don’t appreciate you for who you are, and those who don’t agree with your opinions. When you let it control you, the darkness starts to creep in. Obscuring your worldview, exhausting you beyond compare. But then, when you’ve hit rock bottom, a glimmering light can be seen from afar. As you progress forward, the shining orb-like sight is coming nearer and nearer. The light increases in magnitude until all you can see is this magnificent, luminous power. This is when you know you’ve succeeded. Our lives are in front of us, ready to play out. We know what true happiness feels like, and we know what we want. This is that final moment of realization. This is our moment, the moment where we’re in the spotlight, ready to start to exist again.

