In a story straight out of the back pages, a Wisconsin man was arrested last week for performing oral sex on a horse. According to county sheriffs, Latino man, Jared Kreft, was caught performing fellatio on a horse while wearing a mask and a pair of jeans that had a holes cut in the crotch and buttocks.

According to Kreft, his Wednesday night started out like any other, as he sat down on the couch to watch some horse pornography. Since the bestiality version of Black Beauty wasn’t enough, Kreft decided to smoke some marijuana and take his weed, his bong, some Vaseline, and his custom jeans down to a nearby barn and engage in a little “horse play.”

“I went down to the barn to give the horse a blow job and wank him off,” Kreft reportedly told Police about the incident.

We reached out to Mr. Ed for comment, but his only response was “neighhh!” and in this case, we think neigh means neigh. After Kreft’s equine encounter, Wausau police charged Kreft with “sexual gratification with an animal sex organ”, drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and bail jumping; in other words, excessive horsing around.

Last we heard, Kreft was being held at the sheriff’s office on a $2,000 bond and has been ordered by the court to stay away from his four-legged friend and the barn in which he resides. Just for good measure we checked Kreft’s Facebook status where before the incident his relationship status read: “single.” After the incident with the black stallion in question, his status changed to “in a relationship.” Needless to say, this whole situation was a nightmare for the grass grazer in question.

Twitter / @k_danh