realsatanistconversations:

Baphomet: Get off my dick, snakes!

Snake #1: We’re not on your dick, you arrogant jerk! We don’t even like you-

Baphomet: I meant literally! Stop biting my genitals! I am hiding in this stained glass painting to prevent a Satanic monster baby from doing exactly what you’re doing!

Snake #2: Shut up, Bappy! Besides, it’s just the tip-

Baphomet: The tip is the most sensitive part! (pause) Damnit, I’m a demonic goat god—why do I even have genitalia?

Snake #2: Sounds like a lot of folks are looking to fix that problem for you-

Baphomet: Fuck, I have to focus! I am ignoring you snakes, I am ignoring the pain, I am just a painting…

Snake #1: Would a painting make this sound?

Baphomet: Wait, what sound?„, Arrggggh!

Snakes: (in unison) Just the tip just the tip…