​Alexandra

Alexandra is a rarity in Kazakhstan: a trans girl currently going through hormone therapy. When I met her, she had only just started transitioning. Alexandra is not her officially-recognised name, and she hopes to change her name on her passport soon. For now she goes by the unisex ‘Sasha’, which helps her to fit into Kazakh society. During our meeting, Alexandra was cheerful and enthusiastic about her love for beauty and photography. As with Zhanel, I only learned more about her after the shoot, when we started communicating over messenger. She told me she was only able to pay for hormone therapy through sex work. She was fired from her office job when her boss discovered her private Instagram account. She told me about the numerous occasions where she was beaten on the street for the way she looks. She struggles financially, but plans to go to Almaty next summer to overcome the complex bureaucratic obstacles involved in changing her passport. If all goes to plan, she hopes to she can get sex reassignment surgery in Bishkek, and “leave this goddamn country”.

“My hormone therapy is not going well at the moment. I’ve been suffering from panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, mood swings. I guess that’s how PMS feels. I can’t seem to establish my love life. My goal is to become stable, and financially independent. Free time? I don’t have it. I use every spare minute to learn photography, retouching, and graphic design, in order to become financially able to drop sex work. On Saturdays, I go to a modeling school founded by a male model who walked Kazakhstan Fashion Week runways in high heels. I was sad to hear they are going through a difficult time and could shut down. I hope to grow more confident, but for now, I have to lead a double life and it feels terrible. Even in my close circle of friends, I feel like I’m a hypocrite. I already came out to mother, but I can’t imagine telling my grandmother.”