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Director: Alan Taylor; Screenwriters: Laeta Kalogridis, Patrick Lussier; Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Emilia Clarke, Jai Courtney, Jason Clarke, Matt Smith; Running time: 125 mins; Certificate: 12A

Terminator Genisys says and does nothing new, preferring instead to exhume the past and take one almighty metallic dump on it. Relentlessly dull and lacking any entertainment value beyond a solitary penis-themed one-liner from Arnold Schwarzenegger, it's hard to fathom how badly they've rewired rather than rebooted this ailing franchise.

The plot is an utter mess, throwing together Sarah Connor (Emilia Clarke), her son John Connor (Jason Clarke) and nondescript soldier Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) in various timelines that rewrite history and feature multiple incarnations of Schwarzenegger's iconic, leather-clad figure. By the end, you'll be wishing he could travel back in time and terminate the franchise after T2. That's if you're still capable of rational thought. It's a very tough two hours.

The unengaging, unintelligible story plays out like a blind dog trying to chase its own tail in a murky room. It desperately pursues meaning and purpose, but brings only boredom and repetition. How many times can we witness a robotic assassin being blasted into bits of metal liquid by the humans it's pursuing, only to reassemble as first a machine and then morph back into its human form again? CGI effects that were once jawdropping in T2 have now been rendered mind numbing. It happens over and over again as if we're trapped in some kind of Groundhog Judgment Day.



Wallowing in self-importance, the movie's lacklustre script tries to function on the basis that its connections and references to James Cameron's Terminator make it triumphant by default. If you share a lift with Kevin Spacey, does that make you a great actor? It arrogantly assumes we'll automatically care about the key human characters and gives us no reason to invest or reinvest in their fates, despite their recasting and remodelling into mostly vacuous entities.

Yet such narcissistic qualities only mask underlying insecurities in the script. Hence why it repeatedly attaches itself to the past like a cyborg parasite. Numerous iconic moments from the first two movies, both visual and verbal, are repurposed and trotted out in increasing desperation to create a crowdpleasing moment. Some may call it a homage, but it feels more like our nostalgic memories are being stalked by a gun-wielding assassin and clinically desecrated.

To make matters worse, several 'comic interludes' have been awkwardly shoehorned into proceedings in a contrived bid to break up the depressingly dark tone. Fittingly for a film about organic versus artificial, these attempts at humour are anything but natural, mustering a similar tumbleweed response to someone cracking a joke at a wake. One monstrous montage set to the song 'Bad Boys' makes a bold bid to be the franchise's nadir.

Paramount



The visual spectacle element of Terminator Genisys is similarly ineffective. None of the action sequences can muster that 'wow' factor or sense of awe that James Cameron's Terminator movies managed with ease. None come remotely close. Instead, the constant barrage of overlong battle sequences, twisted metal and widespread devastation recalls Michael Bay's Transformers movies. Those made it hard to dig out your childhood Optimus Prime toy without shedding a tear over his cinematic violation, much like you'll mourn the defilement of the first two Terminator films because of Genisys.

Poor Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's old, but he shouldn't feel this obsolete. The initial delight of seeing him return to such a legendary role quickly turns to horror when he's left high and dry by the substandard material. He's given an abundance of plot exposition jargon to spew out with his distinctive delivery, trying to sell key plot points to the audience like someone trying to explain a joke that nobody laughed at.





Numerous iconic moments from the first two movies, both visual and verbal, are repurposed and trotted out in increasing desperation to create a crowdpleasing moment. Some may call it a homage, but it feels more like our nostalgic memories are being stalked by a gun-wielding assassin and clinically desecrated.



Whenever humans behave emotionally around him, Arnie can only look on with an expression that evokes Joey Tribbiani's 'smell the fart' acting method. Awful attempts to equip him with new catchphrases soon give way to him peddling the old ones at poorly timed moments. You actually feel sorry for Arnie. He deserves so much better. Even McBain would turn this down.

Paramount



It's a similarly sad story for the other leads. Emilia Clarke gives Sarah Connor plenty of pluck, but can't overcome the contrived attempts to make the character appealing (she says 'bite me' to Arnie's protective cyborg at one point) or her ongoing trajectory as a conventional love interest seemingly destined for a sickly snog by the end of the movie.

Jason Clarke is given the impossible task of tackling a John Connor who lacks any humility or self-awareness, while Matt Smith (now "Matthew Smith" according to the opening credits) must have felt like a raggedy man after yet another timey wimey adventure, albeit in a small part. As for poor Jai Courtney, after his lead role in A Good Day to Die Hard, perhaps he should be rebranded The Franchise Terminator.

Much like the machines that humanity tries to defeat, the once great Terminator franchise has morphed into a soulless construction that relentlessly continues its pursuit to obliterate your brain cells. Until Arnie is wheeled out in his 90s for another ill-fated outing or unless James Cameron agrees to return, the message is clear. Don't be back.

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Re-Viewed: Arnold Schwarzenegger's sci-fi classic The Terminator

Re-Viewed: James Cameron classic Terminator 2 Judgment Day

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