Why I'm Upset at @NorthumbriaPCC - My Story

In total I spent 10 years with my ex-partner. It wasn't until 6 years into the relationship after we had taken a break from each other, that the emotional attacks began. Constant belittling and mockery in private that then spilled out into public, a few of my friends remarked on her treatment of me but I didn't put two and two together.



The constant put downs continued, I was working to try and restart my professional career which she would constantly refer to as a "waste of time" or "just playing on your computer" when talking about me working on projects for clients.



She then began to isolate me from my family and friends. She would fake breakdowns when we visited them, causing me to usher us both away with excuses and embarrassment. Her temper was also a very big issue. I would feel like I had to tiptoe around her in fear of an explosive row where once again I would be mocked, derided and called names, and the kicker was she was able to convince me I deserved it. If I ever tried to stand up for myself her temper would flair up and she would hurl cups, glasses etc around the kitchen at home. Choosing items that my son had bought me as gifts for birthdays, fathers day etc.



The only times I felt safe was when she returned to her flat. My son suffered a lot watching his father break down in tears at her treatment, he still tries to avoid her when she drops his brother off for visitation, or like this year where we have to go to her home to see the little one at christmas.



The final straw for me was as I planned to break up with her. We had just had a baby 11 months before, thinking stupidly that this would help "fix" our relationship. Her behaviour did calm for a while then flaired up again and I decided that I couldn't continue in the relatioship anymore. The last incident was when I had decided not to engage in an argument with her, she was screaming at me whilst I was holding our baby, who was upset and cuddling me, when I refused to engage she lashed out with a closed fist and hit me whilst I was holding him. That was the first, and only time I let her do that. I walked away.



I'm still afraid when I go to pick up my boy, or have to spend any time around her such as his birthday etc.



When I saw that Vera Baird had blocked me with her MP and Police Commissioner accounts I was mortified. Here was someone who was pushing a very important campaign for victims of abuse, someone who is on the boards of charities and affiliated with RESPECT who was point blank shutting herself off from the lived experiences and concerns of someone who she is supposed to be protecting.



I am not an advocate, or an activist. I am a survivor of abuse. Like 40% of all domestic abuse survivors I am a man. The Home Office Guidelines are based upon number of cases REPORTED to the police, however the Office of National Statics report shows that out of the 2 million people who reported being victims of Domestic Abuse 800,000 of those are men. Clearly men are not going to the police to report their abuse, and the gender focus of this campaign is an indicator of WHY.



Furthermore I wouldn't hold much truck with the Poll on the recent Evening Chronicle article as @ElaineSnaith CEO of the Police and Crime Commissioner's office has raised a vote brigade on Twitter to subvert public opinion. This smacks very much of a conflict of interest on her part and as she is responsible for dealing with complaints about the PCC, it probably explains why my complaint to @VeraBaird's office continues to go unanswered.

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