DENVER—Appearing inexplicably mesmerized by the unremarkable scenery below, Delta flight 2127 passenger Richard Hart, 38, was glued to the window of the Airbus A321 “like it was fucking 1956,” travellers confirmed Tuesday. “Jesus, this guy is staring out that window as if the miracle of aviation was bestowed upon mankind just this morning,” said Hart’s row 27 seat-mate Hannah Gordon, who noted that the “goddamned simpleton” had audibly exclaimed in delight before making a “dumbass” observation about how small everything looked. “C’mon dude. We’re not flying PanAm in the golden age. We’re flying from Denver to Salt Lake City. Meanwhile, this dope is gaping at every cloud like he’s the third goddamn Wright brother. You’d think we were flying over the world’s fair or something. He’s even dressed up like he’s expecting a leggy stewardess to bring him a martini and light his cigarette before we land at Idlewild. What an asshole.” Airline sources confirm that Gordon spent the flight enjoying the Mark Wahlberg comedy Instant Family like a decent person.

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