loudgirlisms:

it goes without saying that birth control is vital and important and access to it for girls and women is lifesaving, but certain realities of how men are using birth control’s availability to manipulate younger and younger teen girls into unsafe or unwanted kinds of sex are being point blank ignored by ~sex positive~ libfems and I’m tired:

when I was still pushed back in the closet and unsure about whether or not I wanted to be with women as a 14/15 year old, a young girl, I was sexually active with men, often because I was pressured or wanted to feel wanted, valuable, secure about my body, etc. I thought sex with men would give me those things. it didn’t, it actually left me with a whole host of mental health issues and trauma, and that’s for another post. but while I was actively dating and having sex with males, here are the following things I was literally told by them, about going on / staying on hormonal birth control:

“Nice, you’re on the pill? That means I can fuck you bare, right?”



“Please babe, I’m sorry you’re having side affects but I haaate condoms. Can’t you switch to another brand?”



(in response to me saying my family had a history of blood clotting issues) “Well, can’t you go on the mini pill?”



(in response to me trying the mini pill and not liking the side effects / how it threw off my sex drive / changed the way my natural lubrication worked) “You taste bad now, but at least it isn’t a condom” also “I don’t care that you’re uncomfortable, the side affects will wear off. every other girl I’ve dated was on bc”



(in response to me being worried about STIs) “There are meds for that if it happens! Besides, nothing’s worse than getting stuck with a baby”



“Sex with you is just bad with condoms, I’m so glad you went on this”



“Can you skip your period week for the third month in a row? It’s my birthday this weekend and I want us to be able to fuck”



“Stop being paranoid, it’s 99 percent effective, I don’t understand why women are so upset about pregnancy. You can just get an abortion if something happens.” (at the time my abusive parents would have had to be legally notified and my life would have been ruined but whatever, think more about your dick)



Basically, I was pressured to go on birth control from the time I was 14 without having thought it through. When I struggled with side affects it was ignored and minimized Me being on hormones was something guys were obsessed with. They were always bragging about having a girlfriend who was on the pill. Everything was about their dicks. They didn’t care about my discomfort, trauma induced health related paranoia about pregnancy or STIs or blood clots, they didn’t care about my safety at all except that they could fuck me, and I wouldn’t get pregnant, and isn’t that a fucking miracle.

Not only that, but my consent was violated repeatedly while on it. The first time I was on the pill, I told my boyfriend we needed to wait the first month before stopping using condoms, because the risk of unintended pregnancy is slightly higher right after switching to hormonal birth control. He agreed reluctantly, but then the next time we were fooling around he pushed inside me without asking my permission, and ended up coming inside me. Later he insisted that “I must have liked it because I was wet and I didn’t say anything”. The pill became an excuse for him to repeatedly violate my consent.

Again, the fact that birth control is available under minor consent laws in many states to teenage girls is important and life saving and something we’ve fought for. It helped me out in several abusive relationships by making sure I never got pregnant or suffered further consequences of the situation I was in. I am 17 now and currently take a low dose of it that FINALLY fits me with no side affects (because I had the time to ask my doctor questions and try different kinds without a boy breathing down my neck) in order to help with period regularity and acne. But I will never forget how birth control was used to manipulate me and violate my consent for years of my girlhood.

Sex posi feminists need to stop pretending like birth control can’t be used to take away our autonomy. It was used to take away mine repeatedly, and whenever I try to speak up about it in libfem spaces I am silenced with “birth control is empowering!” “be sexy and safe!” etc. I’m sick of it. Don’t think for a second that males don’t use birth control’s availability to pressure younger and younger teen girls into sex that they don’t want, sex that isn’t on their terms, sex that leaves them vulnerable to STIs and still a chance of accidental pregnancy. Males don’t care if birth control gives us side affects or heightens certain risks in our female bodies, they don’t care if we aren’t ready for sex without barriers, they don’t care if we aren’t ready for sex at all. they only care about themselves and their dicks and they WILL and DO use birth control as leverage to manipulate and sexually abuse, and I need the ~sex positive~ movement to fucking acknowledge that.