All hail der Pumpkinfuhrer—or else?

That didn't take long. Not even a week has passed, and the president elect's team is already warning Trump critics to be "careful" about the way they criticize Trump.

[Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid] on Friday had said that "the election of Donald Trump has emboldened the forces of hate and bigotry in America" and that "white nationalists, Vladimir Putin and ISIS are celebrating Donald Trump's victory, while innocent, law-abiding Americans are wracked with fear." [...] Then, she added: "He should be very careful about characterizing somebody in a legal sense. He thinks -- he thinks he's just being some kind of political pundit there, but I would say be very careful about the way you characterize it."

Donald Trump's minions seem to be confused about this, so let's fill them in on something they're going to need to know going forward: The President of the United States has the least legal protection against criticism or libel of anyone in the country. As the ultimate public figure, courts are obliged to grant public citizens wide leeway. This is why, for example, elected public officials, private citizens, and the Fox News channel have been repeatedly able to peddle 100% false information about Barack Obama for a decade with absolutely no repercussions.

To demonstrate how this works, I could, for example, say something like "President Donald Trump is a small-penised sex-obsessed pervert who stands accused of raping a 13 year old girl and who, given his temperament, has in all likelihood sexually abused at least one of his own children. He is mentally unstable and among the dumbest individuals ever to hold any public office anywhere, is quite probably colluding with Russia to undermine American interests, and spends his evenings aggressively masturbating to National Geographic footage of burrowing meerkats. His sole aim in acquiring the presidency is to convert the Lincoln Bedroom into a Rape Room, and he will sell an American nuclear weapon to ISIS for fifteen dollars and change if he thinks he'd make two dollars worth of profit on it."

Welcome to the big leagues, President Summer Squash. You're going to have quite the adventure from here on in.