Between the eBay auction and writing the book, I’ve been to many different churches in the the past year. This is a compilation of the things I’ve seen and heard in the churches that simply annoy me. I’m sure they annoy other Christians as well. They detract from what could be a very positive message. It’s not a complete list by any means, so feel free to comment and add to the list!

(By the way, for those who think this list is too “anti-Christian,” the next list will be much kinder to them. Trust me.)

Wave their hands in front of my face making it impossible to see the stage.



(Will you put your hands down? I get it. They’re singing a song. I’m happy, too. Use your mouths, people. Jesus doesn’t love you any more because your hands are in the air.)



Yell out random words (“Praise Jesus,” “Hallelujah!”) while I’m trying to listen to the sermon.



(You agree with the pastor. We understand this. But just say it in your head or nod silently.)



Walk in after the music— or worse yet, the sermon— has started.



(If it’s not that important for you to be on time, just stop showing up.)



Look at me with anxiety because I’m brown.



Look at me with excitement because I’m not white.



Assume that because I know about the Bible, I must believe in the Bible.



(It’s the opposite that’s true.)



Perform a skit that is supposed to tell the day’s message.



(They’re not funny. And frankly, the kids are bad actors. Let’s get to the sermon already.)



Tell me I’m on the “right path” by being there.



(I was doing just fine a couple hours ago, thank you very much.)



Pass out Christian business directories.



(It’s like saying the Christian lawyer is trustworthy, but the Jew lawyer will take your money and the atheist lawyer will try to lose your case on purpose, and don’t even get me started on those brown lawyers… these directories aren’t helping me understand “Christian love.”)



Ask me if they can pray for me.



(If you want to, just go ahead and do it.)



Ask me if they can pray for me, then put their hands on my shoulders and begin praying.



(Stop touching me.)



Mischaracterize people of other faiths or no faiths.



(“Those atheists know God is there; they just don’t want to follow His rules!” “Those Muslims really want to become Christians—to the MissionaryMobile!”)



Assume that everyone who is not Christian must be “saved.”



(I’m quite alright. And stop putting your hands on my shoulder.)



Bring their children, then proceed to fall asleep during the sermon.



(If you don’t want to be there, don’t drag your kids with you.)



Say that those of other Christian denominations aren’t practicing “true” Christianity.



(“They believe in Christ… but they speak in tongues! The heretical bastards!”)



Look at their watches mid-sermon.



(You know this pastor goes long. If you weren’t prepared to sit through it all, you shouldn’t have come.)



Pray for things they can just as easily take care of themselves.



(You want that promotion? Then work harder. You want to pass that test tomorrow? Then go study.)



Pastors tell stories without giving citations.



(“There’s this true story of a guy who [insert random Bible-based act here]…” If it’s true, give me some actual facts.)



Pastors ask questions with obvious answers.



(“Who here believes the Lord is going to save them today?!” I think the people in church are going to say “yes.” Call it a hunch.)



Pastors take an hour to analyze a simple, straight-forward Biblical verse.



(The verse told me to trust in God. I get it. Let’s move on.)









[tags]atheist, atheism, Christian, Christianity, eBay, I Sold My Soul on eBay, church, Jesus, Bible, Jew, God, Pastor[/tags]