My morning routine usually goes something like this: I wake up around 6 a.m. refreshed and ready to greet the day. I then race into my parents’ room and with unbridled joy begin bouncing on their bed. What do I invariably find? Two giant fleshy sloths snoring away like chain saws.

What a freaking buzzkill.

For most of us, getting parents out of bed is no easy task. Heard of a book called Go the F*ck to Sleep? How about one titled, Wake the F*ck Up. Guaranteed, if preschoolers had any income, we’d make it a bestseller.

Seriously, parents will do anything to stay in bed … in order to prolong their slumber my mom and dad employ the pathetic trick of asking me if I want to “cuddle” with them. Yeah, right. Snuggle up, as you fall back asleep and drool all over my head? Sorry, I’ll pass.

So how do you get parents out of the sack without all the bullsh*t? Here are a few tips:

Maintain a firm wake up time

Even if you feel like you could just play in your room and give mom and dad a few extra minutes of sleep, don’t give in. Parents need to understand that the life they had before you were born is over. That means never sleeping in again until the year 2028. Ever.

Give them a 2 minute warning

Warn your parent that wake-up is in two minutes, or give him a choice — “Do you want to get up now or now?”

Keep consistent wake up time rituals.

One morning don’t try to awaken dad by affixing stickers to his face and another serenade mom with some significant audio from your Leap Frog Leapster. Make sure to wake up both of them same way. It’s only fair.

Reward them!

If you can manage to get them out of the sack show them your appreciation by drawing them a beautiful picture of a flowers or a trucks! Then be sure to shove it under their bleary-eyed faces while they’re waiting for their coffee to brew. Take this time to explain to them, in detail, your thought process for color and composition. Do not accept, “Not now” as a response.

Read to Them

Who doesn’t like to be awoken to a nice book? Even if you don’t know how to read you can still recite what you remember from your favorite stories. I find the most impaction to be Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed. Works like a charm.

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