The muscled, well-toned approach

In discussions on such volative and deeply felt issues as those of religion, the need for civility and respect for the other position is paramount. Hence it is simply unacceptable that a courteous, gentlemanly Christian would do anything at criticism except denounce it as unproductive and unacceptable.

The reason for this, obviously, is not his unwillingness to entertain certain foolish speculations for a fleeting, inconsequential moment; but merely the certitude that the less philosophically minded members of his flock will take offense at those criticisms and surely cause the offending atheist or other Satan-person to be crushed, stabbed, bombed and trampled into a God-forsaken bloody pulp.

As this is not acceptable to a good Christian debater, and an outcome to be much regretted once it has occurred, it is simply fundamental that the other side refrain from all except the blandest agreement and mildest rebukes, carefully contained to concern only individual and by definition not representative cases of the great and in part brutally violent body of Christ.

The extensible fossil argument

It has been offered by certain highly-regarded theologians, such as Umbrage, le Asshat and Ibn Watuf, that the word and intent of God being evident solely in the Bible (or, somewhat mysteriously, solely in the Koran), the book in question cannot be mistaken. Hence any conflict with the content of that book cannot be a contradiction, and such observations are merely a test from God.

The most common example of these are fossils, which seem to indicate an Earth of immense and indeed ludicrous antiquity. The good Christian knows this is not the proper deduction; the proper inference is these so-called fossils are so made by God to mislead the proud and the evidence-driven of this fallen world.

Similarly, the individual photons that signal a world older than these six millennia that are the true span of all are so placed at the moment of Creation these six millennia ago, before which nothing save God was; to expect these dots of light to yield useful information on the world is yet again to fall prey to the grievous, hurtful, gay, nasty sin of pride.

Likewise, radio waves, so-called evidences for evolution, and the decency of atheists are not things existent in and of themselves, or indicators of any less divine world; they are merely a trap of God.

Finally, the New Atheists’ self-defeating crusade meets its final crushing defeat in the self-evident fact that God will not be mocked — and nor will He be tested. If a scientist deigns to intrude on His active domain, His hand is for that moment withdrawn; thus no study will ever find evidence for the undeniable power of prayer, and to look for such is laughable and futile.

It is the hope of the writer that by adopting these two arguments in their full and fully extended form, the dialogue between true Christians and the Satanic mistaken mob of Hell-bound prideful idiots not one of whom does any good will be greatly advanced.

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