At 9:45 p.m. in the corner of a midtown Manhattan bar, a dazed-looking woman sipped nervously at her highball glass and stared into space, contemplating the fact that she'd just spent $5,600 for the privilege of 45 minutes with an ex-Bachelorette contestant. "It's ... a lot of money," she said, initially amused. "And I have it, and it's for charity, but..." She paused and ran a hand through her hair, blowing out her cheeks before repeating, "It's a lot of money."

The Bachelor, which arguably has done for roses and Neil Lane jewelry what American Horror Story has done for hotels, celebrated its franchise's 20th season on Valentine's Day with a televised wedding of two Bachelor in Paradise contestants. As if to celebrate their opposite circumstances, former Bachelor contestant Ashley Iaconetti spent that same night hosting a viewing party with seven currently single Bachelorette suitors, all of whom auctioned off their one-on-one time to a room full of women who'd been ordering cosmos by the fistful (proceeds for the event, co-hosted by FlockU, went pediatric cancer charity The Pennsylvania State Dance MaraTHON). Given that we don't live here, and thus our Valentine's plans had involved romancing some sandwiches in our hotel rooms, we couldn't resist the chance to park ourselves at the bar and keep the philanthropic Champagne flowing — Think of the children! — while we drank in the scene as thoroughly as we did each passing flute.

You look like you just went on a group-date and got gang-banged.

The event sold out, we were told, and you could tell: The doors opened at 7, and by 7:20, the room was bursting with women in bandage dresses who'd been waiting outside in the cold. "Some dude asked me why I was in line and I said, 'Don't ask. I don't even have the heart to tell you,'" shared one very young blonde. The air was thick with perfume and mothers — we saw at least five women dragging theirs through the party— and each bar table was bedecked with Hershey's kisses and individually wrapped roses piled into ineffectual pyramids. In one corner, a couple sold false eyelashes by the box— robin's egg blue, like Tiffany's for the eyelids. And the waters were chummed: There was Jared Heibon, Ben Zorn, Joshua Albers, and JJ Lane, from Kaitlyn's Bachelorette season; Josh Murray, former fiancé of Andi Dorfman; Nick Viall, of both Kaitlyn's and Andi's seasons; and Michael Garofola (Desiree), all of them turned out in suits and ties. "Aren't they all incredible-looking?" Ashley said. "I keep staring at them, like, 'I know I'm friends with all of you and I know you all look great on TV, but for some reason with every passing month, you look better.'"

By the time the Bachelor telecast started at 8 p.m., the line of girls waiting to talk to Nick was 10-ladies deep, and Michael was basically propelled backward by an ever-expanding group of superfans and selfie-seekers until the velvet rope of the VIP section effectively caught him. One girl fell down at the bar. "This is a life-changing experience," another announced, slamming down her empty glass. A tall, flaxen-haired woman bent to shake out her hair and then stood up again with a smile. "You look like you just went on a group date and got gang-banged," said her friend.

The Bachelor auction mostly involved everyone making sure women weren't forcing up their friends' hands as a prank. ("She has to raise that herself," both Nick and Jared insisted, multiple times.) Ben went for $1,200, Jared for $1,150, both Joshes for $750, and JJ garnered $700. Michael G was headed that way until he grabbed the mic and started talking about his new puppy, at which point a brunette in black toward the back of the packed room stood up on a chair and swore she would bid $2,500 but nothing more. This was raised to $2,700, final offer. Then $3,200. "Fuck it," she shouted, bidding $3,500. This continued at some length, until she gave up and let someone else take him for $5,300. "Are they fucking crazy?" whispered a girl next to us. Maybe, because next, that same brunette got up again and fought tooth and nail until she nailed down Nick for $5,600. "That's how much I'm spending to go to Europe with my mother," said someone behind us at the bar. When we caught up with the winning bidder, waiting for the event to end so she could get her private time, she seemed jittery. "I wanted Michael because he's an attorney and I wanted to talk about job stuff, but then I didn't get that, so I figured Nick ... I mean, I only even bought this ticket because I was wasted in my apartment."

Fernando Lucena/Michael Simon

Speaking of wasted, JJ Lane told us he'd started drinking at noon. "I met up with all my buddies in the East Village, and I've been going pretty hard," he said, as he ordered a double vodka. "I feel like, when you get here and you have to take very superfluous pictures, you've got to be lubed up a bit." By the end of the night, he dipped one fan and then kissed her at length for their selfie, winking at us as soon as he dragged her upright again. He told two surprised-looking fans, from what we could hear, "I didn't like [Kaitlyn] from day one but I was kinda locked in," and then recounted how, at the end of one Bachelorette date, he almost tried to take home a random woman at the bar because he knew he was going to get cut. "I almost said, 'Fuck it, fuck Kaitlyn, I'm giving her my number.'" When the PR girl politely tried to wrangle him over for his group date, he said, almost apologetically, "When I go hard in the paint, I go fucking HARD." The last we saw of him was outside the restaurant about an hour after the event ended, walking down the street with a very young blonde in the tiniest, tightest blue dress in recorded history. Her coat was unbuttoned. It was below zero.

Fernando Lucena/Michael Simon

As for the hostess herself, Ashley said her impetus for hosting event was, quite simply, trying to take back the holiday. "They've all been pretty much the same boyfriendless awfulness, and a reminder that I'm always single," she laughed of her prior Valentine's Days. "So then this Valentine's Day I said, 'Let's do something where I can get my hot guy friends together, and it'll be for a good cause.'" And maybe there were some fringe benefits: We'd heard gossip that Ashley and Jared were holding hands at one point in the night. She herself told us he'd bought her chocolates the day before, mentioned traveling to L.A. together, and joked that the auction crowd shouldn't feel bad bidding on him in front of her, "although I'm gonna make sure it doesn't go well." (When Ashley came up on the block, Jared sealed that deal for $750, although who knows how much of that was a gentlemanly act — there were only three other men in the place, one of whom swore to us that he wasn't there to try to score; he was just a super big fan of The Bachelorette. Either he's a liar, or terribly, terribly shortsighted.)

At the end of the night, four flutes of bubbly deep, we corralled Ashley and gracefully said, "So are you dating Jared or what?" She sucked on her lip. "It's complicated," she said. We suggested that maybe this would be a good time to uncomplicate it. "Right? It's about time," she said. We then tried to high-five her, but she had turned around and so we just sort of waved at the air, accepted a couple stray roses offered to us by a ravaged pub table littered with glassware, and went home.

Prior to the event's start, we pulled all the guys and Ashley aside for some one-on-one time. Spoiler: Amy Schumer, JJ's coming for you.

On their ideal celebrity Bachelor/ette

Ben: I would have to go with Eva Mendes. I think she's my deep, longtime celebrity crush.

Joshua: She's taken and she's pregnant, but Jana Kramer. She's a country singer and she is gorgeous. Or that Hayden Panettiere. She's pretty. She just had a baby too. Apparently I got a thing for moms, I guess.

Josh M.: If Derek Jeter is abducted by aliens, and it's consensual and they're both totally good about it and he's fine, then Hannah Davis is someone I'd like to talk to.

Ashley: So many. Obviously, Leonardo DiCaprio is forever and always my main celebrity crush. Ryan Phillippe, I would do anything for. Or Eric Dane, but only as McSteamy. Oh, and Aaron Tveit from Grease Live. I've been stalking him since 2006. He played Link in Hairspray, and I was obsessed with him. Can you help me? I need this to happen.

Michael: Rachel McAdams. I think she is single. So let's put that out there and let's see.

Leonardo DiCaprio is forever and always my main celebrity crush. Ryan Phillippe, I would do anything for.

JJ: I would go on for Amy Schumer. I've tweeted at Amy Schumer, I've gone on multiple public records, and I've said, "Look, Amy Schumer, for CHARITY, we'll do a stand-up battle. You versus me. You can call me any time, and you can give me one hour of prep. I'll write new material! You can use your fucking material you've had forever!" And she ignores every single tweet and I don't blame her. She has nothing to gain from acknowledging my existence again. But if you're going to call some guy a turd, but not to his face, come ON. OWN IT. So Amy Schumer's The One.

On navigating the dating world, post-Bachelor/ette

Michael: There was one Valentine's Day where I was going out on a date with a girl, and it was probably only our third or fourth date. And she decided that, midway through the date, she was going to invite her best friend along. And her friend ended up grilling me about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, and was just very judgmental. I was trying to honestly answer the questions that were being asked, but I felt like I was being ganged up on. At one point, I was like, 'Hey! One at a time here,' but there was so much animosity built up that the friend was like, 'I'm just going to leave,' and the girl I was on the date with was like, 'I'm just going to leave with her.' I was like ... 'OK!'"

Ben: It's actually harder because you put your guard up. There's so many more people that are willing to go on a date with you, but now you have to filter those people out and decide who's genuinely there to actually date you and who just wants to say they went on a date with you. It can be difficult.

When you come off the show, and you have so many women who want to date you, it's overwhelming.

Joshua: It's made it ... I don't want to say risky, that's the wrong word, but you have to be more cautious than normal. But the opportunities present themselves much easier.

Ashley: If you're going on first date, it automatically makes it not awkward, because you have a lot to talk about. For [the Bachelorette guys], because it's a more girl-oriented show, they get approached a lot more. The guy fans that come up to me are usually boyfriends or husbands that got suckered into watching the show. And I love that! I just don't get hit on that often.

Jared: When you come off the show, and you have so many women who want to date you, it's overwhelming. I'm not going to lie. It scares you a little bit. It's hard. But at the same time, that's who you are now. I made the choice to go on reality television to find love, and that's something that's part of my background, and anyone I date is going to have to accept that and know that. It's such a hard dichotomy sometimes — that's why I think some cast members date other cast members. You're already on the same level.

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