As it continues to be a hot-button issue for lawmakers, here are the cases for and against allowing prayer in public schools:

FOR

Students’ vocabulary expanded to include “tresspasses,” “apostolic,” “prodigal,” “fiery wrath”



Genuflecting satisfies daily physical activity requirement



Hypocritical for schools to ban prayer while promoting secular magic such as chemistry and earth science



Might stave off God’s righteous annihilation of America a little longer



Gives teachers one goddamn minute of peace and quiet



AGAINST

Mandated prayer creates hostile environment for the hellbound



Time spent mindlessly regurgitating invocations could be spent mindlessly regurgitating standardized test material



Irresponsible to trust untrained children with the immense, fearsome power of prayer



Underfunded schools lack resources to provide every student with own rattlesnake to handle



Would require some real constitutional gymnastics to exclude non-Christian prayers