You start the day saying to yourself, "Self, there is no way - NO WAY - that Mizzou students can get any more ridiculous." Then you see that their SGA vice president told MSNBC that she's tired of people using their 1st Amendment rights. Yes, really.

MSNBC: One professor complained universities are becoming places of prohibition. What's your feeling? Do you believe that's a place we are heading for American campuses now? MIZZOU STUDENT: I personally am tired of hearing that First Amendment rights protect students when they are creating a hostile and unsafe learning environment for myself and for other students here. I think that it's important for us to create that distinction and create a space where we can all learn from one another and start to create a place of healing rather than a place where we are experiencing a lot of hate like we have in the past.

Yes, those words were actually spoken. Out loud. In that order.

Excuse me for a moment.

We're at a point where it's almost tough to satirize these people, because they are so far beyond parody, we almost have to scale it back. Our "best and brightest" have precisely no idea what the 1st Amendment means or why we have it. Contrary to what they think, no one is claiming 1A as an excuse to us racial or ethnic slurs. It's a defense exclusive to leftist college professors and their overly-privileged Millenial students. Those same students who arbitrarily decide what's offensive based on their mood that day and get you fired because you didn't check out their Tumblr in the morning to find out.

See, when we used to parody the SJW left (like, last year) we would use extreme examples for comedy. So in parodying SJW leftists, a comedian might have said something like "I don't even believe in the First Amendment!" And we all would have laaaaaaaaughed. Because it clearly would have been an extreme caricature used to make a comedic point.

Today, they are literally saying that.

I can't even. I. Can't. Even.

But James Madison can!