Now that crossover utility vehicles have just about pushed the last sedan off the cliff of irrelevancy, it’s getting increasingly more difficult to make your particular CUV stand out amid a sea of approximately 82 billion of the things. Thus, when Lincoln (yes, it’s still in business, you’re thinking of Mercury) completed its SUV/CUV lineup by adding the Corsair at the bottom in what they call the premium compact CUV segment, marketeers had to find something to make it stand out. They went with an excellent plan of what the experts in this field call “marketing mumbo jumbo.”

Thus, they offered precious little about what actually makes the car go forward and corner because, really, who cares about that anymore, and they focused instead on shovelsful of verbiage. There is no longer an “interior,” for instance, it has been replaced by a “sanctuary.” You don’t simply “approach” the Corsair, you are “embraced” by it. The engine and drivetrain no longer come with a “sport” mode, it is an “excite” mode. And it isn’t purchased by “customers,” either, it is purchased by “Cultural Progressives” and “Active Achievers.”

Lincoln isn’t the only carmaker using this absurdist language, but really, does anyone fall for it?

I will tell you the mechanics of the car anyway (or I should say, I, a “Festering Typist” will “embrace” you with “effluviam” on its “motivation.” See? I can do it, too). First of all, the Corsair is NOT just a tarted-up Ford Escape. Yes, it shares the basic platform and drivetrain with the Escape, but there are enough serious upgrades that it stands on its own and Lincoln should be proud of that.

OK, true, the powertrain is at least partly Ford Escape, with your choice of two transverse-mounted turbocharged four-cylinder engines: a 2.0-liter from the Escape that makes 250 hp and 280 lb-ft of torque, but Corsair also gets a more powerful 2.3-liter making 295 hp and 310 lb-ft. Each engine is mated to a new eight-speed automatic. You can get them in front- or all-wheel drive.

Beyond that, an entirely separate development team worked on the Corsair, completely apart from the Escape team, according to chief engineer John Jraiche. What did they do? Let’s start underneath it. The unique rear Integrated Bush Suspension transfers fewer road jolts into the Sanctuary, while the Escape gets an SLA rear setup, or short- long-arm suspension. When an SLA suspension hits a bump, it goes up and forward, according to Jraiche. The Corsair’s IBS goes backward, “…so it’s smooth.”

The Corsair also gets adaptive dampers you can’t get on the Escape, again for a smoother ride.

What used to be called the firewall is now a “dual-wall dashboard” in the Corsair, made of sheet-molded composite material with an “air-gap” in between to help muffle out the engine sound. “Some of our competitors want you to hear the engine; we want you to feel the power,” said Jraiche.

Active noise cancellation further quiets the Sanctuary, while those irritating buzzers you’ll hear in competitors’ rigs are replaced by “unique symphonic chines” recorded by (I am not making this up) the Detroit Symphony Orchestra. The DSO did not record anything for the Ford Escape.

For the sounds that you do want to hear there’s a 14-speaker Revel premium audio system tuned to the Corsair’s unique “sanctuary for the senses.” (Get your DSO recordings here) (The season opens Oct. 4 with Beethoven’s 5th, so get tickets now)

How does it all work? The Corsair is, in fact, a very smooth, very quiet cruiser. I drove about 150 miles in a couple Corsairs and never once felt fatigued, even at the end of the day. The first model I drove had AWD with a 2.3 turbo and Reserve trim that included everything from head-up display to 24-way power seats in front. Once I’d adjusted all 24 ways and set the drive mode selector to Excite, I was off.

There were some very nice mountainy roads, including Skyline Drive above Silicon Valley out there in California, and Highway 9 through Boulder and down into Santa Cruz. I was surprised by how little play there was in the steering, accelerator and suspension. While you may expect a little crude body roll and a bit of slop in the steering on a compact CUV, the Corsair was surprisingly tight all-around. Crank the knob back to normal and it felt maybe a little softer over bumps, but it never swayed around corners. I even had a chance to try it in the deep mode in some blown sand by Moss Landing and rather enjoyed as it dug itself out.

Lincoln is very happy with the Corsair’s back seat, which slides fore and aft as much as 6 inches with the pull of a lever. Lincoln says that you can stow four full-size pieces of luggage or four sets of golf clubs, making you the hero of your golf foursome no matter how badly you actually play the game. You also get more second-row legroom than the RDX or NX and even the Tesla Model X, which isn’t even a competitor, is it?

Since technology is a key competitive angle for CUV makers, Corsair offers Phone As Key, which eliminates the need for a key. You can also store your seating position preferences on your phone. Lincoln’s Co-Pilot360 offers help driving in traffic, but only if you keep your hands glued to the wheel at all times. Most competitors have similar limitations on autonomous driving as we all wait for the lawyers to see what they’ll eventually, if ever, allow. This, in my opinion, anyway, is as frustrating as any other system out there and I switched it off and just drove the dang thing myself after a short while.

One word of warning: Lincoln offers a 12.3-inch cluster of gauges in front of the driver, but only an 8-inch infotainment touch screen. At first, I thought the touchscreen was the 12.3-inch measurement. You’ll likely pick up on the difference right away. Took me a second.

In the afternoon, I switched into a 250-hp 2.0-liter-powered model and I gotta say, I didn’t miss the extra 45 hp offered by the 2.3. Likewise, I did without the 24-way seat in my second Corsair and didn’t miss it at all. In fact, I might have skipped the high-profit Reserve trim altogether. You can get a Corsair for under 36 grand to start and I might recommend at least looking at that, if you can find one anywhere.

Of course, since the entire world consists of CUVs now, there is a lot of competition. Lincoln lists competitors as the Acura RDX and Lexus NX200t, which also have 2.0-liter fours and your choice of front or all-wheel drive. But with those parameters, you could also list the BMW X3, Jaguar e-Pace and Cadillac XT4 in the same batch. Maybe there are more. But all of them offer pleasant interiors and similar price points, just without as much of Lincoln’s silly verbiage.

None

Available: Fall

Base Price: $36,940

Powertrain: 2.0-liter turbocharged I4, eight-speed automatic, FWD or AWD

Output: 250 hp, 280 lb-ft (2.0) (no rpm data given)

Fuel Economy (EPA City/Highway/Combined): 22/29/25

Pros: It's quiet inside and styled nicely outside

Cons: There are many, many competitors that offer the same

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