Background:



I am heavily experienced with sedatives. My favorites are clonazepam (Klonopin), temazepam (Restoril), and phenobarbital. I'm sure secobarbital (Seconal, Tuinal) would also be added to that list if I were ever given the opportunity to try it.



I have had a few blackouts while mixing benzodiazepines with Alcohol before, but the worst up until this experience only lasted two days. That one included 35mgs of clonazepam, 75mgs of clorazepate (Tranxene), 40mgs of oxycodone (experienced Opiate user then, currently Opiate dependent), and from what my friends said, over a 12 pack of beer. I have never had a blackout from Alcohol alone.



Since then, I have been very careful when mixing depressants. At least up until this horrific experience I am about to write about.



I also want to mention that we are all from out in the country. The closest large city to us is Pittsburgh. This may help readers to picture some of this mess better. I mean, we are somewhat used to large cities, but most of us have lived in the country most of our lives. The places I speak about are all small town cities, and the main city we cop dope at and where some of us live has a population of only around 30,000.





Preface:



This is going to be a bit different from my other trip reports, as I normally only write reports based on entheogenic experiences and herbal adventures with uncommon (to the United States) or rare psychoactive plants. However, this is a priceless warning for anyone that may have the desire to experiment with pharmaceutical grade benzodiazepine powders without a proper scale.



I have a scale accurate to 0.001g, but I did not have it in my possession during this experience, not would it have done any good if I did, as phenazepam is active at 0.5mgs. I'm sure 1-3mgs is plenty for recreational use even though I am fairly certain this is not one of the better benzodiazepines.





Story:



Well, here we go. First off I have to mention that at least 90% of this report is seen through the eyes of other people that I was around during the week long circus because I barely remember anything that happened. Also, there is no discerning the time frame in which these events took place except for the start, before I went to jail, and after I got out of jail. The stories told in between are in no particular order.



It all started with me and my girlfriend "A" at one of our friend's trailer. No one else was there, and we were bored so we decided to dip into the 1g of phenazepam powder I had received the day before. As I said, I didn't have a scale at the time, so we just took a knife and swallowed a tiny little amount. It was a completely tasteless, white powder.



After about 1/2 an hour we ended up taking another tiny dose as we didn't feel too much from the first amount. As far as I know the night ended there. Nothing outlandish happened, and I remember not being too impressed with it.



Somewhere along the line I ended up at another friend's apartment "J" and "L." They are both very fond of benzodiazepines, so I figured they would enjoy the large amount that I had of something new. Another friend of mine, "G" was there, and he was drunk, acting like an asshole so I decided to feed him a bump of the powder to knock his ass out. It did. He slept until 4 in the morning, when he awoke concerned that his girlfriend was wondering where the hell he was.



His girlfriend lived in the same apartment complex, so me and "J" walked over with him. When we got there, his girlfriend barely said anything other than expressed that she was somewhat worried because she knows how he is when he drinks.



Well "G," for some reason or another had a guilty conscience or maybe even a bit delusional started screaming, "I didn't fucking do anything! What the fuck is wrong with you!?!" He proceeded to grab her by her neck, and her friend broke it up. "J" and I didn't want to be involved in his episodes, so we went back over to his apartment.



Yes, I know, it was very irresponsible of me to have given him the drug in the first place, knowing how he is, but that just shows how intoxicated I was, as I am a very responsible person when it comes to drugs.



Another section of the story began when I was with my friend "Je" and his girlfriend "An." I suppose we were smoking Crack all night while eating massive amounts of phenazepam and for some odd reason "Je" wanted to partake in some of my DOM with his girlfriend early in the morning. I gave him 5mgs and her 3mgs.



At some point, I ended up with my girlfriend again, still with the last two friends mentioned, and we were on another mission to get money for Crack and Heroin. Apparently we showed up at "M's" house, the place we go to do our hard drug deals, and we bought some Heroin. I remember doing a couple bags and telling my girlfriend to be careful. What I don't remember is walking back and forth screaming at my girlfriend, before we got the stuff, to get back in the car while I was walking through the drug dealer's yard (a drug dealer that I didn't personally know), and my girl was falling into the fence. "M" and his girl were telling us that we were going to get shot while the dealer was inquiring about what the hell our problem was. Not my type of behavior at all even though I am a drug addict.



I suppose we got the money from "Je" and "An" panhandling it from local gas stations and grocery stores. I normally never go for that standard of drug behavior. If I can't manipulate my parents into giving me money or sell drugs to get money, I just don't do drugs.



Apparently we went across the river into WV, as we live on the border of Ohio and WV, to find more sources to panhandle, and at some point some form of "logical" reasoning hit me. I can't drive, so lets let my friend "Je" drive who doesn't have a license and is probably so sedated that he forgot he had even taken the DOM and whatever was going on seemed perfectly normal to him. We were all taking key bump after key bump of the phenazepam and licking it off of the knife.



Well, of course, here come the police. I was in the passenger seat, when one of the two cops approached my vehicle about "Je" harassing customers at the gas station we were at. He already had a warrant for stealing $6 worth of gas at that particular store, and I had recently spent a couple months in jail on a possession of Heroin charge in Ohio.



The police were adamant about searching my car, but I refused to let them. Our girlfriend's were half passed out in the back seat, and I told the cops that they were sick, and I was just trying to get them back to Ohio to go home. Well, while we were waiting to get authorization to leave, I reached into the back seat, and the undercover cop sitting at the pump beside me gave the signal to search the vehicle. My girlfriend was so out of it that I'm not even sure if she knew there were ever any police there or perhaps she thought they left while they were searching my car, but she was wobbling around the back of my car talking about the syringes in the trunk.



There is no paraphernalia charge in WV, but the cop lied and said he found a bag of dope as well. The shit was in a woman's purse, bag type thing and for some reason I did think there was half of a bag left in my car, so I didn't fight the arrest.



So there we were; me and "Je" were off to Moundsville regional jail, and the police took the girls to "An's" house.



The only things I remember about being in that jail was the meal trays (not the food), they were yellow, "Je" being my cell mate, and the arraignment being held in a room with a video where each inmate talked to the fat guy on the screen. "Je" kept asking if he could make a plea, and I was laughing because we weren't even in court! He was arguing with the fat guy, irritatingly stating, "I just want to make a fucking plea!" I don't even remember being out of my normal clothes.



I believe we were there for 2-3 days, not really sure, but on the second or third day we got bonded out. "Je" was talking about some big dude wanting to fight us over something, but I don't remember anyone that was there except for us.



My Mother was the one that drove down to get us, but "Je's" Father was with her as well. I didn't say much, but "Je" and his Dad were arguing the whole way home about getting his disability check because he wanted to get drugs.



This is where things started getting really out of hand. I had no idea where my girlfriend was and neither did "Je" know where "An" was. So, I went on a search to see what the hell was going on. Here they were together prostituting themselves on the streets for Crack and Heroin, not to mention sleeping with each other! I didn't know how to deal with this at all because my girlfriend had never really been like that. I guess they still had Heroin when they were brought back to "An's," so I ended up getting out of my charges.



After sticking through it for a day or two, I couldn't take it anymore, so I left my girl on the streets. Somehow I still had the phenazepam powder. I guess the cops never found it in my pocket or something. I don't have a clue.



I ended up at home after getting out of jail. I don't think it was the day I got out but more likely the next day after eating more of the damn shit, I was being bitched out by my Dad for being heavily intoxicated. He thought I was on Heroin, and I was swearing to God that I wasn't on anything when I probably looked like I ate a couple Quaaludes. Here my best friend "Ji" (I know lots of "J" friends; sorry) stopped over. "D" came right behind him, and I guess "Ji" was telling him he probably should stop by later and that it wasn't a good time. "D" isn't quite used to my wild life. He is a friend that I play guitar with sometimes, and he's a few years younger than myself.



I guess "Ji" and "D" were in "D's" car smoking a joint when my Dad took off around them in the driveway on his motorcycle having had enough of the bullshit, and I came running out of the house with a knife to my throat yelling "You think I'm afraid of death? I'm not afraid to die! I know what comes after this!" My neighbors were out on their porches probably thinking, "What in the fuck is this dude on?" God, if they only knew.



Here the reason I was flipping out was because my Mom told me she was going to commit suicide by eating a bottle of Methadone followed by a bottle of temazepam. I calmed down a little and was yelling at my Mother, "Why would you tell me that RIGHT NOW!?!"



"Ji" talked me into leaving and agreed to take me into town so I could get a $50 rock of Crack to get my fucking head out of the clouds. I vaguely remember smoking it at his house and up in the woods while we hiked. I was told that I was nodding off hardcore in between hits and that the $50 piece lasted me four hours! Shit, that would normally be gone in ten to twenty minutes.



At yet another point, I was back at "J's" apartment drinking wine with my ex-girlfriend that left me more than a year before and had been trying to get back together with me. Shit, there was no drug in the world (apparently) that would have had me sleep with that crazy *****. < That word can be whatever you want it to be. *smiles*



Well, I did talk her into "taking her car to get food," when I was really planning on going downtown to get Crack. I didn't make it 1/4 a mile. I remember thinking, "Damn, this car has balls. ...What the FUCK am I doing in this yard!" I flipped the car over the guardrail, completely totaling it. I have never wrecked a car in my life, and believe me, I have driven under the influence of just about everything.



Here comes the police. Of course they thought I was drunk, but I had not had enough wine to get a DUI. The cop couldn't for the life of him figure out what the hell my problem was. I guess I didn't appear very intoxicated at that moment. The fucked up part is the next day I wasn't even sore from the accident. That's how loose my muscles were from that damn drug.



Anyway, I went back to "J's" and had to explain what happened. My ex-girlfriend tried to sleep with me anyway! FUCK! I couldn't catch a break. I turned her down. I couldn't bring myself to it. She still seemed disgusting to me. "J" kept fucking with me, "You sure you don't want a condom?" while the girl was begging me! I had to bitch at him after the third time he mentioned it.



What was really funny is that "J" came up to me that night with this baggie and was like "Can you put some of that powder in here so I can save it." "Sure," I replied. I scooped some in. An hour later he did it again! He ended up doing that three times. It was hilarious. He doesn't even remember that.



During one of these days, "J" and I went for a hike in the woods with some Kratom. We had an awesome time. A week later, I mentioned something about a vague memory, possibly a dream of walking up into the hollow around where I live. "J" was like, "Yeah, you were with me!"



It seemed like every day that went by after all of this someone was telling me something else that happened that I had no fucking idea ever existed. A complete week of my life washed away as if I slept through it, but I don't ever remember sleeping!





Credits:



My girlfriend came back to "M's" house to get drugs with "An" with her pants undone and they were giggling with each other while she was trying to put "An's" belt back on after they got kicked out of "An's" Uncle's house for having sex. My girlfriend is not bisexual.



She also went to her Mother's house one day drunk as hell, still blacked out and stole her Brother's truck to go to a party. She can't drive a standard. Truck in the woods. Things ran over. Vehicle damaged. She remembered nothing of this when she spoke with her Mom about it after she snapped out of the blackout. I'm not even sure she even believes it really happened.



"An," "Je's" girl got arrested, and he was in court to see her. This was 6 days after she had taken any of the drug, and he said she was so out of it that she didn't even recognize her own Mother.



"Je" couldn't deal with the fact that his girl had slept with mine as well as prostituted herself, so he ended up in jail again on drug charges. The bounty hunters from WV came and got him on a warrant. When he got out, he informed me that he was in the same pod that we were in and some of the same people were there. I guess the reason the big dude was so pissed off at me was because I was slamming the phone for some reason or another. The guy was like, "Man, that's my only connection to the outside world!" And "Je," the guy was pissed at him because we lost a game of cards and he was supposed to give up his breakfast and didn't. I don't remember playing cards.



Seriously though, picture that. Two dudes from out of state come into this jail pod and act like they run the place when there are people there serving year long sentences. My God.



"G," the guy who grabbed up his girl, lost his girl, and got arrested. He is banned from the apartment complex.



"J" was calling people yelling, "Praise Mother Russia!" Phenazepam is a Russian benzodiazepine for those that don't know. However, for the most part, "J" and his girlfriend were the only two that stayed at home away from the drama but still suffer severe memory loss from that horrific week.





The End:



My girlfriend and I have worked things out. She is no longer on the streets. She is very ashamed of everything that she did, and I have forgiven her due to circumstance.



All I can say to end this is, if you do not have an appropriate scale, DO NOT experiment with pharmaceutical grade benzodiazepine powders, at least ones as potent as alprazolam (Xanax). This is an account of a MASSIVE overdose. I would not be alive today if benzodiazepines affected the GABA receptors the same way that barbiturates do. I am still lucky to be alive due to all the other drugs (including other benzodiazepines that weren't mentioned) that I ingested during this mess.



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