CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Droves of of Townsville residents were evacuated and several others were caught in floodwaters last night after the city’s dam floodgates were fully opened.

The opening of the floodgates at Townsville’s Ross River Dam released 1,900 cubic metres of water per second.

While many residents are now left to start February living in emergency accomadation and unable to get around town, there are still many that don’t even seem to have noticed what has happened.

Those living in the marina on their houseboats are yet to register that they aren’t the only residents whose houses are at risk of floating away with a bit of a breeze.

The toffs in their McMansions up on Castle Hill are also yet to figure out what all the commotion is about.

However, one local, who’s address we won’t publish because FNQ rugby league fans are degenerate die-hards and will probably go to his house and ask for an autograph, also appears to have not noticed the environmental disaster currently taking place – despite his entire street being roughly 1 metre under water.

Recently retired North Queensland Cowboys superstar, Johnathan Thurston, appeared unperturbed this morning as he was spotted walking on water down the main street to get a newspaper and a coffee.

“How’s things going you lot… What’s with all the cameras [hahahaha]” said the GOAT, followed by his real-goat-sounding laugh.

“What a beautiful North Queensland day it is.”

Locals were disappointed to hear that the relaxed and much less busy former captain of the Cowboys didn’t realise that his hometown was currently in flood, after his heroic efforts during Cyclone Debbie in 2016, when the King Of The North was able to stall the weather pattern by simply staring at it.

At time of press the dam levels appear to be slowly falling, recorded at 234 per cent capacity at 8:00am on Monday, down from a peak of 244.8 per cent at 2:00am – but Mayor Jenny Hill says she’s just waiting for JT to figure out what is going on so that he can turn it all into wine.