We’ve all been there. It’s Wednesday, and you want to grab a drink with your friends.

But where to go? You’re pretty sure someone has a special, but… who? You don’t want to be one of those idiots who shows up at a bar and asks if they have a special. (Plus you’ll look cheap in front of that cute girl/dude/human.)

You could, of course, consult the ultra-secret New Haven Happy Hour List, crowd-sourced… by you.

Or, you could listen to your local trusty blogger and his debilitating drinking problem. He probably knows.

You’re in luck! You know me!

After years of copious research, much of which I vaguely remember, I have compiled a list of your best options for any given night of the week.

And now, I’m going to share it with you. Mostly so that if I’m hit by a bus, it lives on, like a weird, drunk legacy.

Sunday: Geronimo — Half-Price Tequila

What else can I say? Half price tequila.

Sure, the outdoor patio is nice. Yeah, it has a pretty good-looking crowd and there’s even thirty-something singles which, as one of them, is comforting, or at least, less creepy.

Did I mention the half price tequila? They have half price tequila.

You know what has tequila in it? Margaritas.

Honorable Mention: Barcelona and Pacifico with half-price bottles of wine

Monday: Zinc — $6 Martinis

Normally, the idea of martinis at Zinc burns me deep in my credit rating. Sure, the place is hip and has awesome duck nachos, but they aren’t messing around with those prices. Which is great when I can get someone else to pay. (Which is why I date doctors.)

But on Monday nights, you can sit at the bar and drink fancy martinis for $6 and finally dust off that ol’ top hat from the Great Gatsby parties you had two years ago.

Plus, since it’s a pretty fancy place, the service is pretty great, and they even treat me like a real customer. Despite, you know. Being me.

Honorable Mention: Pacifico again with half-price bottles of wine. (Hint: Try the duck quesadilla.)

Tuesday: Firehouse — $1.50 PBR’s

I considered not even listing anything here cause Tuesdays are a bit barren, but if you like cheap beer, it’s hard to beat $1.50 PBR’s, and I like Firehouse, generally. It’s the only place you can hear Wu-Tang Clan, DJ Shadow, and Bon Iver in the same night.

(Which might not be a good thing, depending on your personal tastes.)

Honorable Mention: Ordinary with half-price bottles of wine. Noticing a pattern here?

Wednesday: Bar — Free Live Music, $3.00 Well Drinks/PBR/Bud Lights

Now we’re talking. Thanks to the amazing Manic Productions, every Wednesday, Bar puts on a free show featuring local and touring bands of all genres and fashion. I’ve seen death metal, indie rock, shoegaze, Heroin rock, and whatever was going on last night with the violins and screaming.

The only downside is that for some reason, they feel compelled to play every song at about 150 dB, so you should definitely invest in some earplugs.

Plus, once a month, they have someone up front playing covers, in case the 1,000th time you heard Breakfast at Tiffany’s wasn’t enough, you sick bastard.

I’m not entirely sure what brand of vodka they’re using to be charging $3, but I’m pretty sure this is one of those “you’re better off not knowing” moments.

Thursday: 116 Crown – $5-$7 Cocktails and Snacks

Have I mentioned this before? Yes, I have.

Normally, I avoid 116 Crown because, while their cocktails are great, they are also rather expensive, and I’m already dumping all my money into important things, like rent and video games.

But on Thursdays, their all-night Happy Hour is fantastic. You can enjoy a small sample of their cocktails (I recommend the Wild Rose) while enjoying the back patio, which is truly impressive in that they’ve somehow managed to turn it into… not the parking lot is really is.

Plus, the light-up bar is just fun, and not super likely to cause seizures.

Friday: Prime 16 (Half-Price Happy Hour) and Miya’s (Late Night Menu)

You’re not going to find great deals on Fridays because, you know, it’s Friday.

But you can get your evening kicked off right with Prime 16’s half-price happy hour, which should be more than enough to get you solidly drunk before it ends at 7. I know this cause, uhhh… a friend.. told me.

Then, you just need to kill a couple of hours before Miya’s late-night specials start up at 9pm. What surprises will they have in store for you?! Who knows! But it’s worth showing up to find out.

In the meantime, Rudy’s starts their beer specials at 8, so you’ll already be in walking distance of Miya’s anyway. If you can still walk.

Saturday: Kitchen Zinc 9-11pm Happy Hour

Though they got rid of their Friday night happy hour (grumble grumble), they still retained their 9-11pm Saturday Happy Hour, with $5 craft beer, $5 draft wine (apparently a real thing), and $3 cicchetti breads (whatever those are). And a selected half-price pizza. Which is underrated as far as pizza goes.

Sure, you can’t sit on their lovely patio (boo), but those are solid deals during prime time on a Saturday night.

And now you’re all ready to do it again next week!

[FBW]

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