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The president wants us to boycott the NFL, the Golden State Warriors, most news, Facebook, SNL, the Emmys, uh ... Puerto Rico, I guess. I can't keep politics out of Cracked because I can't keep it out of anything, and I don't know how anyone does. If I showed up in a town and the mayor was like, "Oh, we don't talk about politics here, we don't even pay attention to it," I'd think "Wow, you're going to miss some pretty intense shit. One time at work I went to the bathroom for a full 20 minutes, and when I got back to my desk, Reince Priebus had resigned and Scaramucci's wife had filed for divorce and Eric Trump's pubes turned see-thru and we probably loosely declared war on someone."

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And again, I also wish I could go back to doing dumb jokes. And I'm not weaving in political stuff because I feel some journalistic obligation; I'm doing it because I don't think it's possible to talk about anything without the framework of politics. Or I guess I can talk about football through the framework of how we should stop watching it because of CTE? Would that be better? Like, it's a bummer that Colin Kaepernick doesn't have a job while some barely sentient mannequin gets paid millions to throw for the Bears, but maybe it's ultimately a good thing, because it lowers the chance that Kap will get the hot new murder brain damage that's sweeping the sports nation? Is that ... better?

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Daniel O'Brien is Cracked's Strongest Intern and the author of How to Fight Presidents and the children's book adaptation, Your Presidential Fantasy Dream Team, both of which you can buy wherever you want. He also wasn't lying about that Property Brothers book. He will be releasing it for free one chapter at a time and you can get it if you subscribe to his newsletter right here.

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