This is a story of when I assumed that someone was acting a certain way for a reason I was pretty much sure of. But it turned out, I was completely wrong.

Here’s what happened. I was feeling insecure because a friend of mine hadn’t messaged me back regarding us hanging out. I was pretty sure my friend didn’t want to hang out with me. I also assumed it had to do with something I must have done or said. As difficult as this is to admit, I spent quite some time thinking of our last meeting and what I could have said that upset my friend. Not to mention a bunch of thoughts popped up saying, “You’re not good at being social. You speak too much. And, you must have said something that upset the person”. I need to admit that these are some of my deepest insecurities and it is not easy to write about it but I’m being brave and admitting it.

So here’s what I did. I messaged my friend instead of waiting for a response and we did meet. And that’s where I realized I had assumed. And I assumed wrong. When we met, I got proof there that not only did my friend want to see me, after this long, but there was something genuinely difficult going on in her life. Surprise Surprise…It wasn’t about me. My friend was not thinking of how to make up an excuse not to hang out with me and was definitely not thinking of me as socially incapable!

I learnt that sometimes we truly get entangled in our own thoughts and insecurities which can be a bit extreme to say the least. My thoughts made me feel insecure, but after knowing what was going on in my friend’s life I felt selfish. I felt selfish because I wasn’t even considering questioning my thoughts and asking, ‘What if there is something going on with her? Maybe I should be supportive and let her know I’m here if you need to talk.’

Another thing I learnt is that if I hadn’t messaged her I might not have seen them for god knows how long. What’s worse is, I would be left assuming the worst about myself and maybe even about her being a ‘bad friend’.

So before you assume that someone is acting a certain way because of ‘some reason’ you’re quite sure of, do yourself (and others) a favor. Ask them instead of assuming. Because if you don’t, you might miss out on making someone feel understood, or creating a fantastic friendship or even a love-relationship.

Don’t assume. If thoughts come up which make you feel bad and insecure, question them. Could there be another reason for what’s happening? Maybe there is a whole different story to the one you’ve made up in your head.