1. The Cheapskate

Once upon a time, I was looking for new clients, and came across a listing on Craigslist that sounded perfect. A relatively new website wanted someone to blog about current TV shows on a regular basis – and they were willing to pay! In actual valid currency! I was excited, so of course I fired off an email and got a response back within the hour. Imagine my surprise when I found out what the site’s pay rate was – a great big $5 per 5 1000-word posts, on a gift card from the store of my choice. As you can imagine, I was very happy to decline that particular offer and to never look at that site again.

The Cheapskate Client is probably the most common and the most annoying type. I mean, sure, we’re in a recession, and everyone needs to save money, but this one is extreme. There’s some that start out expecting you to do an exorbitant amount of work at hourly rates that would make a child laborer from an impoverished third world country want to decline the project. There’s some that demand discounts on top of discounts on top of discounts – these make me particularly glad I don’t offer coupons. There’s some that will lowball you like a bargain hunter at a flea market. And, there’s some that expect you to just do things for them for “royalties received upon completion” or, worse yet, “exposure.”

For example, just last week, I received an email from an individual I’ll call Damon*. Damon was looking for someone to maintain his online presence as he had released his first ebook a year ago, and still had no sales. He needed someone to update his blog – daily. Also, he needed someone to set that blog up. He needed someone to tweet for him, post to Facebook for him, design graphics for him, and maybe also wipe the sweat off his brow and fan him gently with a palm frond (I’m not sure about the latter). Also, he needed someone to edit a book too, and he wanted one person to do ALL of those things.

When I quoted Damon a price, he became outraged. “I was hoping you’d do it for royalties on my book!” he announced. “That price is ridiculous! No one would pay that!” Unfortunately, for Damon, I was not born yesterday, and know how much my time costs, more or less. I also know that a beginner author with virtually no social media presence, blog, website, or fan following would net me a grand total of zip, zilch, and nada. Exposure doesn’t pay the bills… especially if the only audience I’d be exposed to is that person’s mother.

When you have a cheapskate on your hands, best thing to do is just walk away. No matter how exciting or compelling the subject matter might seem, it’s not worth it. Do you want to slave away over 5,000 words just to end up with a five dollar gift card afterwards? Do you want to illustrate a menu for a friend of a friend of a friend of your aunt for free just because “she’s a friend of your family and it’s ONLY a couple drawings, it won’t take you that long, why are you so greedy?” Do you want to design an album cover for that rapper off Craigslist who carries a Gucci purse but wants to pay you in “exposure”? Do you want to work for hours and hours on a complicated project for a demanding client, only to do the math afterwards and find that you’ve made about half of what the minimum wage in your state is? Just walk away. These individuals will bring you nothing.