Mercedes says it has ‘disciplined’ Nico Rosberg for colliding with Lewis Hamilton during last weekend’s Belgian Grand Prix. Exclusive to Sniff Petrol, here are the details of his punishment.

– Must spend next calendar month referring to Lewis Hamilton as ‘Tron du Awesome’.

– Must swap Mercedes SL63 AMG for A180 diesel and is ‘forbidden’ from using the air-con even if he is ‘really sweaty’.

– Must agree to have official FIA entry name for Italian GP changed to ‘Nipple Cockberg’.

– Must undertake unpleasant new viral video task entitled ‘The Mice Bucket Challenge’.

– Must agree to eat one item made by each sponsor, even if they are a company which sells something that will taste awful such as Petronas or Monster.

– Must change ring tone to sound of Niki Lauda repeatedly shouting ‘BALLBAG’ through a trombone.

– Must give up ticket for forthcoming team away-day to World Of Owl.

– Must not to drive into team mate like a stupid twat.