Oh yeah, you're bristling right now, indignantly clutching that 6.75-inch Commander Shepard action figure and preparing to unleash interstellar hell on that comments section, but the simple fact is that no matter how many times I admire the unlikely physics of Jack's belt-bra, my memories of immorally wresting Ferelden from the clutches of the darkspawn are that much fonder.With Dragon Age Needless to say, massive spoilers ahead, but if you haven't already played Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age to death by now, my sympathy level is as low as Alistair's self-esteemAnyway, you have been warned, so

1) Acts of Evil

Dooming the Dalish

Oh ho, those silly Dalish types expect you to deliver them from their slavering werewolf persecutors, and if this was your everyday RPG that's probably just what you'd do – but you're a massive bastard, and instead you turn the tables completely and goad the weres into ripping up the elven village before joining your army. This staggeringly unexpected course of action is at its absolute best when your character is also a Dalish elf.

VS.

'Swapping' Samara for Morinth

One of the most diabolically turncoat things Shepard can do is assist Morinth as she fights her mother (and your former ally) Samara to the death, ultimately killing off the latter and replacing her with her villainous and near-identical daughter. If Morinth was also a werewolf, this would be stiff competition indeed.

2) Black Metal Moments

Soiling Andraste's Ashes

Andraste is a bit like the Jesus of Dragon Age; the holiest of holy figures whose very name commands prostration. Eventually you'll run across the saint's ashes and, in one of the most black metal moments in gaming history, may soil them with gusto. If the super-pious Leliana is present, she'll go for your throat.

VS.

"I am a Biotic God!"

He thinks things, and they happen – but that doesn't mean you can't give this deluded little Volus a little push in the direction of some heavily-armed mercenaries. It's not exactly church-burning, but hey: he might have ascended to dangerous godhood, you never know. Best to be safe. "Charge!"

3) Stranger Danger

Two Swarms of Insects, a Dog, and a Dwarf

Giant+spider?+Yeah,+that's+just+one+of+the+Shapeshifter+options.

Traditionally, the kingdom is often saved by a devastatingly handsome hero and his posse of equally attractive cohorts. In Dragon Age, you can be a Shapeshifter, and turn yourself into a swarm of stinging insects. Morrigan can do likewise. Couple this with your drooling hound and the even-droolier Oghren and you now have Dragon Age: WTF.

VS.

Commander Shepard and Other Guys

No matter what combination of companions Shepard puts together, none of them will ever be as comical as Dragon Age's crew at their most ludicrous. No, not even Miranda's ass, Jack, and Grunt. That's merely a potential plan for the evening.

4) Sandals and Sports Drinks

Enchantment!

If you see a guy in the Black Ops Domination lobbies sporting the overtly loud gamertag of 'ENCHANTMENT_LOL', well, we have no idea who that might be, but let's just say that Bodahn's adorably retarded 'son' Sandal (he's even named after a shoe) has entered the halls of gaming legend with but three happily-clapped syllables.

VS.

Relentless Tupari Sports Drink Ad

Assault the Tupari vending machine on the Citadel enough times and it'll come out with increasingly desperate advertising slogans, the highlight of which is: "Tupari brings your ancestors back from the grave!" Box-shaped satire at its best, surely – but it didn't inspire us some guy we know to change our his Xbox Live name to 'ENCHANTMENT_LOL'.