As a self-identified unicorn*, threesome enthusiast and online dating guru, I have a lot of feelings about being approached online by couples. And, unfortunately, a lot of those feelings are based in frustration. Whether I’m looking to participate as a third or not, my inbox is always riddled with vague messages from couples. Most of which confuse, disappoint and flat out disrespect me. Apparently, the art of charm and pursuit is lost when two singles become a pair, so today I’m here to teach ya’ll how to effectively message a unicorn!

Write the message together. When I get a message in my inbox that’s only written by one half of a couple, I get suspicious. Where is the other person? Are they not enthusiastic about contacting me? Do they know their partner is sending the message on their behalf? Obviously, starting out on a suspicious note is not good. If you both are welcoming someone into your sex life, you both should be writing the initial message.

Find out if they are interested. Throughout the year, I wane in and out of being into group sex. Maybe it’s something to do with sexual appetite based on the season or my mood, I’m not really sure. Either way, I’m not always opening my bedroom door to couples. In a similar example, if you’re a couple on Tinder, you’re going to notice the majority of lesbians and bisexual people aren’t there to be unicorns. When I’m interested in exploring sex with couples again, I usually say so in my dating/fetish site bios, so that it’s clear what I’m looking for. If you’re on the fence about whether a cute person is interested, send them a polite message to ask whether they’ve read your bio and if they’d like to continue talking. Ps. Make sure it’s clear that you are a couple looking for a third in your bio.

Introduce yourselves. Give your prospective unicorn a quick overview of you are and your partner, so they can get an idea of your personalities. Much like I would with any other sexual partner, hearing about a couple’s favourite pastimes and hobbies can help me determine if we have any mutual interests. Personally, I love clicking with the couples who are courting me, so receiving some basic info is an important step for determining whether I’m interested. Make sure to include your names, ages, careers, sexual identities and whether or not you are open to consuming various substances. This also a great time to disclose STI status’! Pro Tip: Don’t list your info like you would in a Twitter bio, write an actual message.

Tell them why you’re interested. In this part of your message, you’re going to want to compliment your unicorn and make them feel a little special. Let them know why you’re attracted to them and why you’re deciding to ask them to consider joining you and your partner. I absolutely hate getting messages that seem like they were copy and pasted to every bisexual babe online, so make the message personal too. While you’re doing this, remember to not objectify or overly sexualize your potential unicorn. Treat them with respect and like you would if you were trying to date them. Make them feel like royalty and you and your partner will stand out amongst the other unicorn hunters.

List your expectations. Listing your needs and expectations in your initial message will give your unicorn the information they need to decide whether or not they would like to join you. This can also help lay the groundwork for setting boundaries for all involved. Let them know your expectations of who is going to be interacting sexually (All three of you? Two people playing while one watches?) If you have specific *must have* sex/kink acts, role plays or fantasies, you’ll want to let your unicorn know of these right away too. Pro Tip: Don’t word your message like the unicorn you’re messaging is already involved. As an example, use “We’re specifically looking for someone to fuck my wife with a strap-on while she eats me out.” instead of “We’re want you to fuck my wife with a strap-on while she eats me out.” Wording your needs this way will help you avoid unicorn objectification!

Include Safe For Work photos. If you do not include any photos, I will not message you back. If you do not have clear photos of what you look like, I will not message you back. If you send me unsolicited nudes, I will not message you back! It’s honestly a unicorn’s nightmare to see headless photos of naked people come wading into their inbox. So please, save us all some time, and think before you send a naked photo to someone you do not know. Trust, no penis in the world (no matter how big) is going to make me excuse the fact that you send me an unsolicited nude picture. Choose photos that represent yourselves as a couple and your interests, much like you would while choosing pics for a dating profile. This allows for your unicorn to easily decide whether or not they are attracted to you (which yes, is an important element when it comes to threesomes.)

And that’s it, folks! It’s really that simple to send an effective, clear message to your potential unicorn!

* A unicorn is a person of any gender that joins a couple for a threesome. They are often hard to find, hence the reference to the mythical animal.

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