Worried about COVID-19? Have no fear! A multi-denominational coalition of Christians is uniting today — March 3rd, at 7:14 p.m. CST precisely — for a global day of prayer to end the virus… and you know it has to work, because God called for it.

The vessel through which he has spoken to the Christian community is Cindy Jacobs, co-founder of Generals International. Jacobs says God has spoken to her, telling her in true Old Testament fashion to organize the event. She says the Holy Spirit verbally granted her “the authority to decree,” albeit only in the event of a “global convergence.”

Jacobs has quite the track record with the Holy Spirit: They go way back. In her career as a faith healer, she’s been able to turn metal into bone, make a grown woman grow taller, control the weather, and even magically inflate her ministry’s bank account.

She also thinks that God wants Christians to be rich so the Jews will convert out of jealousy, and that He killed a bunch of blackbirds to condemn the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” She and her husband also co-signed an open letter slamming Christianity Today‘s anti-Trump op-ed, in case you’re wondering where her politics lie.

The planning for the event seems to have taken place in a series of visions and revelations at a Palm Springs roundtable event (instead of, y’know, actual planning). On their Lamplighter Ministries website, Jon and Jolene Hamill published a draft bulletin about the event on Jacobs’ behalf:

We along with other global leaders are calling for a national day of prayer to end the Coronavirus. After seeking wisdom and prophetic counsel from prophets across the nation and world, we believe strongly that since this is a worldwide issue, it’s going to take the whole church to cry out together for the mercy and healing power of God to contain it.

Jacobs goes on to discuss the importance of a nation aligned with God’s will, invoking Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War to make some sort of flag-waving point about national unity, despite the event being billed as a global day of prayer.

At least she’s willing to add that “the promise remains the same for each nation enduring the coronavirus.” God will heal all of us… but only if we ask nicely enough.

Which begs the question: If God knows that we want the coronavirus gone, why does He need all the pageantry of a day of prayer where the whole world begs Him to take it away? Couldn’t He just get rid of it?

Is God basically a bank robber, killing hostages until we pay him in the currency of prayers and appeasement?

And to think: Christians call atheism a belief system without hope.

