“Getting on base is my job and create havoc on the bases.” I suppose the odds are appropriately astronomical, but Myles Straw might come close to winning American League Most Valuable Player without ever picking up a bat. That’s how valuable his winged cleats are to the Houston Astros.

Just ask the Oakland A’s, whose pitchers, catchers and fielders were all recently reduced to nervous, jittery fumblebums struggling mightily to keep Straw from speeding around the bases and scoring. They failed.

“When you can lose [Jose] Altuve, [George] Springer and [Carlos] Correa and somehow put a guy out there that’s the fastest guy in the big leagues, it’s just like, ‘Come on!'” Oakland’s Sunday starting pitcher Chris Bassitt hounded reporters. “Their MO is putting pressure on you, and they’re probably the best in the big leagues at doing that. It’s 24/7 from the first pitch, nonstop.”

Grasping At Straw

Straw, making just his second start since being called up from Triple-A Round Rock May 29, sped the Astros to a 6-4 extra-inning A’s whipping, June 2, securing the team a three-game sweep. This pushed the pretenders to the Western Division throne to 10.5 games behind the ‘Stros entering play June 3.

The outfielder’s three-for-four day with three runs scored and three stolen bases secured Straw rent-free space living inside Oakland players’ heads til next they meet, in Houston, two weeks after July’s All-Star Game.

In what may come to be a trademark, two of his scores came on belly-flops with hands outstretched, looking like Superman on a backyard Slip’N Slide.

You’d excuse the A’s for commissioning the best doctors, trainers, and physical therapists to Houston, stat. They know that Straw and several of his speedy teammates are only on the Astros’ roster solely due to various injuries to key cogs Springer, Altuve, Correa, Max Stassi, and Aledmys Diaz.

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And, not unlike precious works of art temporarily borrowed by one museum from another, Straw, Derek Fisher, Jack Mayfield, and Garrett Stubbs are all on loan from the Round Rock Express AAA gallery, and must be returned on a later date.

From Power Purveyors to Speed Merchants

MLB advance scouts, managers, and batteries are scrambling, now, to reconfigure their plans for facing Houston, as a once power-laden bulldozer has (for June, anyway) transitioned its paradigm to the kind of speed-based “small ball” reminiscent of decades of past power-free Astros teams.

“I think our team switched from a team who hits the ball out of the ballpark to a team that runs, goes first to third, steals bags overnight,” Houston third baseman Alex Bregman observed following the Oakland series. “The speed Straw and Fish and Jake Marisnick and Tony Kemp and all those guys bring to the table is game-changing.”

In their 2017 World Series Championship year, the Astros led the AL in slugging percentage by .29 points (.478) over their closest rival, while a .53 point dip the next year may have contributed to their coming up short to the eventual trophy winners, the Boston Red Sox, who outslugged the league, besting the ‘Stros by .28 points (.453).

A 238-homer total in 2017 was good enough for second place (three fewer than the AL-tops New York Yankees), but their power dip in ’18 was reflected by a seventh-place homer finish with 205, three behind the Sox and a whopping 62 off the league-leading Yankees’ pace.

While stealing 98 bases in 2017 (good for fourth in the league), speed became all but an Astros’ afterthought last season, as their 71 ranked 10th in the AL. Tied for the team lead in steals, this season, are Springer and Marisnick with four. Straw nearly caught them both with his three stolen bases June 2.

A Peek at the Stopwatch

Because of the eventual return of the team’s several walking wounded, the current running of the Houston track and field meet won’t last forever, apparently.

But, with the congregation of Straw, Fisher, catcher Stubbs (who made his MLB debut last week), Marisnick, and Kemp, best not blink when the Astros are on offense. Since it’s impossible to stage a live 60-yard dash with those blistering five, a deep dive for 60-yard dash times and stolen base totals might be in order.

As an adult, Straw ran a 6.25 60-yard dash, besting the Los Angeles Angels’ fleet Mike Trout‘s official 6.35, for comparison. Straw’s fellow Astro outfielder Marisnick logged a 6.7 60-yard dash during his California high school days.

Stubbs ran a respectable 6.96 in high school. His 15-of-18 attempts were his top stolen base results in 2016, splitting time with Houston’s High-A and AA teams. Kemp, in nearly six complete minor league years, has compiled 144 SBs against 55 times nabbed.

As a high school senior in 2011, Fisher hit the tape with a 6.65 time (fastest Astro on a Straw-less roster), speed he used to memorable effect to score the game-winner on Alex Bregman’s single in World Series Game 5 in 2017:

“Eat My Dust!”

At one point, against the A’s, Straw was clocked at an average 28.5 feet per second, scoring from first base. Fisher’s game-winning scamper, above, was a 29.8 ft/sec sprint speed. Fish, were you running in water?

Rubbing salt into the wounds of the A’s and any future Astros opponents is this cruel tweet by Straw, sent in January. Logged for posterity is this video of the “Say Hay Kid,” recording himself running a preposterous 6.2 last January.

“Boy still got it,” taunts Straw, chuckling. Somewhere in the distance, Flash, the red-clad superhero of comic books, gasps for breath several yards behind.