On Thursday night the NFL will kickoff its 100th season with the greatest rivalry in sports: The Green Bay Packers vs The Chicago Bears. The two storied franchises will take the field anchored by titans of the game Khalil Mack and Aaron Rodgers, respectively.

Last season, the series was split 1-1, with the first game going to the Packers, carried on the busted, morphine riddled knee of Rodgers, who brought the house down with an electrifying 20 point comeback. The latter of the two games went to the Bears in week 15, after Green Bay had more or less committed to a mini-rebuild and McCarthy had all but gotten his final massage in the Lambeau facilities.

Heading into tonight, this is a Bears team with few identifiable holes in it. Any questions of Trubisky’s quarterback play can be pretty easily quelled by just mentioning the defense. A unit that, in 2018, racked up a staggering fifty sacks and thirty-seven forced turnovers. They conjure up well justified images of the Tillman era – punching balls from the grasp of frightened, little-boy-ass receivers. This isn’t a defense that tries to take the ball from you. It’s one that thinks you owe it to them. They demand the ball as tribute, less you run the risk violence.

This brings us to Rodgers and his perennially elite offense, often made so by himself alone. We all know what he can do when even mostly healthy: Throw on the run, shake defensive players, and drive daggers into the hearts of teams and their fans across the league. What warrants addressing though, is what he can’t do. Namely, turn the damn ball over. After watching his whole career, I am convinced he doesn’t even throw the ball – he wills it across planes of existence, from one point in space-time to another.

He doesn’t miss his target because he is incapable of it, much the same way Little Boy was incapable of missing Hiroshima. Precision exists, but only as an afterthought to wiping a city from the maps.

Sports pundits will spit platitudes in regards to Rodger’s throws. “On a rope.” “Like a laser.” “Dropping dimes.” That is only because the human mind is powerless in comprehending the totality of devastation that Rodgers and his aerial assaults wreak on innocent victims.

But, as he always does, Aaron will get away with it. There will be no charges of war crimes. He will not stand trial in front of some UN commission. The Anola Gay just took off from Green Bay, and come morning The Windy City will be a desolate wasteland. All that will remain is cockroaches feasting on charred sausage, returning Chicago to its roots as subject matter for Upton Sinclair.

That is the story of the modern Bears/Packers rivalry. The story is that there isn’t one. Since taking over as Green Bay’s field general, Rodgers is 17-5 against these would be usurpers of the NFCN throne. Let me say that again. Seven-fucking-teen and five. There is no more competition here than there is between Old Testament God and a sacrificial lamb.

Final Thoughts

Bears best chance to win:

This, of course, comes on the shoulder of their elite defensive unit. If Mack & Co. can successfully pull of an insurrection, and pledge fealty to Rodgers, he may let them join the practice squad, thus giving them a vicarious victory.

Packers best chance to win:

Existing.

Box Score:

Bears-3

Packers-63