My total knowledge of ice hockey extends to former Canadian great Wayne Gretzky (And I just had to Google his name in the fear I might spell it incorrectly).

That, and a really awful joke by Rodney Dangerfield: "I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out".

The only time I ever ice skated three years ago, the senseless movement of my legs and arms was one of the most meaningless performance ever witnessed on ice.

So the idea of getting me on the newly-formed rink at Perth Arena to "skate" with the USA and Canadian ice hockey teams seemed both ironic and absurd.