Big Ev compared himself to being Casey Anthony’s baby in a dumpster and I still think these chicks are more upset about their bachelorette party. They wanted to drink cocktails out of penis straws and dance to Miley and have some stripper dick in their face and be the center of attention everywhere they went. They wanted Nashville cowboys and country singers to hit on them all weekend long. They wanted it to be like a movie where they walk in the bar and the record scratches and the music stops and it’s all eyes on these skinny white bitches with eating disorders ranging anywhere from mild to severe and they get guys to buy them drinks all night long. Maybe some of the slutty girls go home with a guy they shouldn’t. Most of them are just there to tease while the Mother Hen keeps everyone in order. Either way, one thing is clear: it is THEIR weekend and THEY are the stars and all the hot boys are gonna wanna be with THEM.

Instead they got these guys:



And a sea of about 50 million guys who care about where a bunch of 21 year old boys are going to play sports for the next few years.

What it came down to was this: the city of Nashville was given the choice between hanging out and flirting with these girls:



Or listening to Roger Goodell say names out loud and they chose the latter.

But do you know what? Can I let you in on a little secret that I don’t think even these girls know? Deep down they are happy. They don’t know it but they are. Because do you know who’s fault it is that the NFL was in town the same weekend they planned their trip? Their husbands and boyfriends. They can’t WAIT to get on their phones and bitch and complain to them. They can’t wait to get home and give them the silent treatment and blame them for this unfortunate coincidence. The Groom To Be? Yea, he’s fucked. That guy might as well fuck a stripper on his bachelor party and run for the hills because it’s like 3 months till they even get married and he’s already probably getting chirped to kingdom come. Girls love nothing more than an irrational thing to be angry about. A completely ridiculous problem to blame on their significant other. Right now they might be upset that they don’t feel like Beyoncé at the Nashville Karaoke bar but that’s a small price to pay for being able to illogically pick a fight with their man. They don’t know it yet but when they are getting the full satisfaction out of two weeks of silent treatment and huffing and puffing around the house and bringing this up every. week. of the NFL season, they’re gonna understand this was the best bachelorette party they’ve ever been to.

PS – to the groom…good luck *Marco from Tropoja voice*