Also, as of September 5th, 2018, there is an embedded audio track of this chapter read by the wonderful and talented merms , who has also added sound effects and background music to the audiobook recording. Feel free to listen while you read!

If you read this chapter before April 5th, 2017 then you may notice it now reads a little differently. By the start of Episode 3 our team found a style that we were pretty happy with, and now our editor and co-writer, BR42, is going back and revising these old chapters to match.

Chapter Text







Connie walked across the well-worn sandy path between her home and the Big Donut. The squat, one-story shop was immediately recognizable due to the huge, upright, chocolate sprinkle donut mounted on its roof, and it was the fastest way for Connie to complete a snack run for Lapis.

Connie stopped a few paces away from the entrance, looking over the shop and, perhaps, steeling herself for the rigors of conversing with people other than her caregivers.

The store was well-kept, the tables wiped down and the chairs straightened. The interior glistened with frosted confections and glass displays as well as a panoply of snacks in eye-catching colors. Two people were working within, both wearing the black slacks and purple, logo-emblazoned shirts that identified them as Big Donut employees.

Connie made one last glance at her list, took a breath, and entered, a bell giving a light ‘ding-a-ling’ to announce her. Sadie paused from stocking the display case to give Connie a friendly wave. “Heya Connie. What brings you here?”

Connie smiled back, though perhaps not so broadly as the short and stocky blonde. “H-hi Sadie. Lapis has the munchies again, so I’m just here to pick up the usual.”

Sadie nodded, then gestured to a display of candies behind the counter. “We also got a new stock of those sour worms Peridot likes. Or do you buy those for the big one? Starts with a ‘J’...” she finished, her brow furrowed while looking into the middle-distance.

“Jasper, and she doesn’t really like to eat food so, no, I just get them for Peridot. Thanks for the suggestion; I’ll take a pack of those too,” Connie answered as she began gathering Lapis’ snacks.

After grabbing a few items Connie paused, waiting politely for the other employee, a lanky teen with gauged ears and carrot-orange hair named Lars, to move away from the baked chip display. Connie rocked on her heels, frowned, then cleared her throat, all while Lars worked with angst-riddled slowness.

“Yeah, yeah, hold your horses, will ya?” he snapped, pulling himself upright and walking a couple paces away. He leaned against a wall and pulled out his phone, becoming instantly distracted.

Connie glowered at him while grabbing a single bag of baked chips. If he noticed, he didn’t show it.

A display Connie had long ignored sported a new sign that drew her attention. Clearance! Hisscontinued, read the oddly designed Cookie Cat cooler that sat between a coffee machine and an assortment of cupcakes. Connie raised an inquisitive eyebrow, though whether from the enigma that was cat-themed novelty ice cream or the punny choice of spelling was unclear.

“Oh hey,” chimed Sadie, “I see that old Cookie Cat machine caught your eye. It’s a shame they’re going out of business.” The blonde spared a moment in her work to shrug philosophically and add, “They weren’t half bad.”

Without looking up from his phone, Lars’ cut in. “Pffft. Cookie Cat? Good riddance. They had the stupidest theme song ever.”

Sadie just chuckled, her voice partially muffled by the display counter she had her head in. “You’re just saying that because the kid from yesterday wouldn’t stop singing it.” The display case’s contents tidily arranged, she straightened up to stretch her back, then looked to Connie. “You ever had one, Connie? If not, this is probably your last chance.”

Connie, who was reading the health details on the back of a Cookie Cat she’d withdrawn from the freezer, shook her head. “No. Dad and Peridot wouldn’t approve: too many trans fats; too much cholesterol.”

Sadie rubbed the back of her neck and gave a weak chuckle. “Yeah, you weren’t here for this but Peridot came in not long after you first shopped here. She spent three hours scanning the place with those robot hands of hers.”

Lars, who had walked behind the counter to sit on a nearby stool, added, “Those things are freaky.” He received both a glare and an elbow in the side from Sadie, but he just rolled his eyes and resumed doing… whatever it was he was doing on the phone’s touchscreen.

“Anyway,” said Sadie as she gave Connie an apologetic look, “at the end, she gave each of us a lecture about heart disease and diabetes that was, um, quite detailed.”

“More like, ‘excruciating’. She’s almost as dull as those old training videos,” elaborated Lars as he propped his feet up on the counter Sadie had recently wiped down.

Connie facepalmed with her free hand. So THAT’S where Peridot was during the Under The Knife marathon, she thought, a little mortified.

A chill in her fingers caused Connie to snap to with a sly expression... and transfer the snack to her bag. “Well, you know what? Peridot’s not here now. And they’re on sale, so I think I’ll take one in place of my usual chips.”

She carried her purchases, sans chips, over to the counter and added, “I mean, one isn’t going to kill me.”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!” exclaimed Sadie as she rang up the items. She then gave Connie a conspiratorial grin, “And if you’re feeling nervous about it, you could always split it with me. Half the trans fats that way.”

Connie’s moment of transgressive boldness faltered. “O-oh, uh, no, that’s fine. Thanks though,” she stammered out while paying then collecting her things.

Sadie gave her a reassuring smile while Lars, unnoticed, rolled his eyes for the nth time that day. “Don’t sweat it, I was only joking. Anyway, I assume you won’t be wanting this receipt, right?”

Connie chuckled, looking a touch relieved. “Yeah, no receipt. I don’t think I want a paper trail for this snack run.”

“Sure. Have a good one, Connie. Tell Lapis I said ‘hi’,” called the blonde with a wave goodbye. After a beat of silence, Sadie elbowed Lars once more, causing the redhead to grumble something that could possibly be construed as a polite goodbye... if you were feeling generous.

“I will. Bye!” replied Connie as the bell once more rang.

Connie began the trek across the sand and back to the Beach House.

Sadie smiled, as though basking in the success of another satisfied customer. Lars pocketed his phone and stood, heading for the hallway that led into the back of the shop. “I’mma go take a nap. Cover for me?”

He was already out of sight before Sadie could answer, and the humming Sadie heard meant he’d already slid his earbuds into place.

“Wait! Lars!” protested Sadie before adding a resigned, ‘aaah nuts.’ Then she noticed the chip display that Lars had left mid-task. “Man… I don’t get paid enough for this,” she said to no one.

Connie examined the illicit snack’s exterior, as though to savor every stage of her small act of caloric rebellion. Artisanal craftsmanship, she thought nodding in approval. Not at all like those awful Lion Lickers, made, no doubt, for profit and profit alone by bleary-eyed factory workers, she inwardly fulminated.

As the cookie part began to grow doughy, Connie wasted no further time. Taking a small bite, she closed her eyes, a look of attentive serenity on her face.

Clearly Cookie Cat left his family behind to bring this joyous taste to the mouths of the world, she rhapsodized. A true hero. Now, if only he made gelato too…

As Connie ascended the stairs to the Beach House she quickly finished off the rest of the treat, stuffed the wrapper into her pocket, briskly licked her fingers clean, then assumed a neutral expression on her face.

The perfect crime.

The house was quiet. Connie looked around as she put away the treats but saw no one. Then she cocked her head to the side, eyes wide in recognition, and ran over to the couch leaping the coffee table in the process.

Working quickly, she removed several of the cushions and threw them into a heap in the center of the living room. A second after the last pillow was in place a previously-muted shout was interrupted by a loud ‘crash!’, then it resumed even louder than before. A white-and-orange blur crashed into the ad hoc landing pad, covered in several long, green shapes.

“Whoa! What are those things?” asked Connie as she stepped off the couch and advanced cautiously on the orange warrior’s clash. Jasper held up a hand, extending her index finger as if to say ‘give me a moment.’ Connie complied instantly.

Jasper then caught hold of two of the creatures biting at her legs, holding them up in her large, powerful hands. As the assailants thrashed to and fro, unable to break the warriors grip, Connie was able to examine them: long, green, segmented bodies began with large mandibles and ended with a pronged tail. Inside each maw glared a single, angry eye.

So this week’s flavor of gem monster is… cyclopean centipedes. Huh, thought Connie.

“Watch this,” exclaimed the Orange gem in her gruff voice before slamming the beasts together; goo and bits of chitin flying all over the room.

Connie yelped and dodged the viscera; it disappeared quickly, but not before melting bits of carpet and couch.

Jasper’s broad chest and arms were splashed as well, sizzling. The gem laughed, reveling in the brawl.

Plucking another centipeetle off her torso, she hauled back and hammered it with a resounding knuckle sandwich. “Pow!” barked Jasper, face animated, as the centipeetle flew across the room and crashed into a wall, vanishing in a puff of smoke: ‘poofed’ as the gems called it.

Two of the creatures skittered up into Jasper’s long hair, trying and failing to snap at the warrior’s nose/gemstone. Jasper gave a brief war whoop then leapt forward and became a whirling ball, features blurred by the speed. Through sheer velocity and toughness, Jasper ground the last two centipeetles on her into rapidly-poofing fragments.

A single remaining centipeetle, thrown free in the initial crash and attempting to flee, was snatched up by the towering gem. Jasper looked at Connie with her usual stern, dispassionate expression, gave a small nod, then said, “Here, squirt, this one’s yours,” and tossed the beast to Connie.

Connie had just enough time to grab the nearest solid object before catching the full weight of the centipeedle to her chest. She may have been thrown off balance, but Connie’s training ensured she spun and landed on top of her opponent. Putting her knee on its chest, she held up her… candlestick?

Connie gave a groan of frustration…

...but made do, swinging the blunt object hard, dazing the creature as the candlestick shattered in half over its hard, plated head.

“Keep your weight centered. Don’t overcommit to your attack,” Jasper instructed.

Despite it’s unusual body shape and energetic wriggling, Connie held fast, a look of absolute determination on her face. This is a test, a test of years of lessons and I’m going to WIN, shouted the girl to herself as she rained blows upon her inhuman opponent.

A beat later, the sound of a small helicopter-like device pierced through the sound of the melee, followed by the heavy clunk of metal landing on wooden floors.

Peridot gasped. “Connie, what are you doing?!” Kitted with metallic limb enhancers that bolstered her… compact form, the Green gem looked mortified to see Connie grappling a monster.

Connie was figuratively thrown by Peridot’s arrival and literally thrown by the centipeetle that capitalized on her distracted state; Connie landed in a heap.

The bug-like beast hissed, rearing back in anticipation of striking the girl, acid percolating in its maw. In a flash, Jasper stepped in front of Connie and stared the now-intimidated centipeetle down. It opted to flee.

“Oh no you don’t!” exclaimed Peridot pointing an arm out in front, tracking the small target. “Eat this, you hundred-legged CLOD!”

Four of Peridot’s fingers gathered around the fifth, forming a cannon. Energy pooled into a sphere that Peridot released, the blast demolishing the centipeetle.

Without waiting to celebrate, the Green gem rushed to Connie’s side, taking her charge’s small, brown hand in her own of floating digits and metal. Helping her to her feet, Peridot unloaded a barrage of questions.

“Are you alright? Take three deep breaths for me. How many fingers am I holding up?” she asked frantically. Continuing without giving Connie a chance to answer, she added, “Squeeze my hand for a grip test. Do you know your name? Do you know where you are?!”

Connie pushed the gem’s floating phalanges away, sighed, then forced a weak smile. “I’m fine, ma’am. I had it under control,” she reassured while dusting off her clothes.

Peridot scowled slightly and began scanning Connie with her limb enhancer, holographic displays dancing over Connie’s body and producing in-depth readouts of her anatomy. Most prominently, Connie’s gem was displayed as Peridot scrutinized it for signs of damage.

Peridot looked up at Connie, a characteristically stressed expression on her face. “Right, you had it under control,” she deadpanned. “Oh wait, no you didn’t. It was more like you were trying to get acquainted with a FACEFUL OF ACID! What were you thinking?”

Peridot’s scan resumed, this time focusing on the welfare of Connie’s organic parts.

“Peridot, I’m fine. Honest…” Connie whined, arms extended out to her side, palms open to facilitate the examination.

“You will be fine when I say you are fine.”

‘DING’ sounded the limb.

“You are now fine.”

Peridot gave a relieved smile, waving away the myriad displays. That done, she took on a stern expression, bending down to better look Connie in the eyes. “Now, why on this planet would you attempt to take on a monster on your own? You know you’re not prepared!”

Connie scowled back. “But I am! Jasper tossed it to me and said it was mine to handle. She thinks I’m ready, why don’t you?!” A beat later she added a perfunctory, ‘ma’am.’

Peridot groaned, one quartet of fingers gripping her hair, “Because you’re not. You’re a twelve-year-old half-human who is still forming, not a quartz warrior emerging battle-ready! Speaking of…” she said, turning towards Jasper.

“You!” she accused, marching on a warpath directly towards the Orange gem, pointing a single finger in their face.

Jasper crossed her arms, unfazed as she met the Green gem’s stare. Jasper towered over Peridot, even with the latter’s limb enhancers. “What about me?”

“Why would you risk Connie like that? She could have been hurt, or worse!”, Peridot said, voice growing shrill with concern.

Jasper shrugged. “It was only a little centipeetle; the squirt was doing fine up until she wasn’t.”

With that, Jasper turned to Connie, frowning. “You let yourself get distracted. It’s a good thing it bucked you off before it started barfing up acid, else you would have gotten singed.”

Connie recoiled from the rebuke. “But-but it’s not my fault! Peridot was yelling at me-” she said before being silenced by a cutting motion from the large gem.

“The battlefield will always be loud and full of distractions. It’s up to you to concentrate. War isn’t a test; you’re responsible for controlling your focus, and you and others will suffer for your failure.”

Connie looked away and slumped her shoulders in defeat.

Jasper’s frown softened slightly. “Your combat aptitude is improving but you need to live your lessons, not just follow them. You’re either a warrior or you're not; on the battlefield, there’s no middle ground,” instructed the large gem.

Peridot leapt into the conversational gap. “See! You just admitted that she’s not ready for combat. She hasn’t manifested any of her powers. She hasn’t even summoned her weapon! Or do you expect her to fight everything with a candlestick?” she added, gesturing back at Connie and the ruined implement.

Jasper looked back to Peridot and narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t say that!” she denied, running a hand through her thick, wild hair before jabbing a finger in Peridot’s direction. “Don’t twist my words in front of the squirt. You’ll confuse her!”

“More like I’ll confuse you, you-you simpleton CLOD!” exclaimed Peridot, finishing the insult with a satisfied, ‘nyahahaha’. Jasper cracked her knuckles and Peridot seemed suddenly aware of just how little distance there was between them.

I know she wouldn’t hurt Peridot, thought Connie as she observed the conflict between the two, but I’d still be nervous in that position. The threat of a Jasper-noogie is not an idle one.

It was at this moment that a blue gem flew in through the new hole in the ceiling, propelled on wings of water, a big smile on her face.

“Hey Jasper! The mop-up outside is going just peachy. I’m up to twenty-three, how about y-” she stopped mid-boast and mid-air as she took in the scene before her.

Jasper seemed to want to both grin and frown at Lapis’ appearance, Peridot looked relieved, and Connie gave a friendly smile and wave.

The Blue gem landed delicately on the ground, rubbing the back of her head and giving a small chuckle. “So, I take it something bad happened?”

Peridot sighed, turning away from the large warrior. “No, nothing bad happened… this time.”

Jasper agreed with Peridot with a small, silent nod.

Lapis smiled, laughing away the tension. “Hahaha, good! ‘Cause I don’t know about you guys, but I didn’t see a gem with any of those mini-peetles.”

Connie looked curious. “Yeah, I didn’t see one either; when they poofed they were just… gone.”

She then turned to Peridot and asked, “Does that mean these were, like, little clones or minions from the actual monster, ma’am?”

Peridot took a didactic pose, thumb-equivalent and finger framing her chin. “Possibly. These could have been small manifestations of a much larger and more powerfu-wait a minute!” she said, spinning on her heels toward Connie. “You are not getting involved here, missy. We have this under control and I’m not putting you in danger for a second time in one day.”

Peridot adjusted the visor on her face, then looked in the area around Connie. “Besides, you have homework you need to finish, don’t you? You may be on schedule in your studies now, but setbacks like these could disrupt you in the long-term.”

Connie looked a little like a kid caught trying to sneak out at night before she managed to master her expression. “I already completed the assignment, ma’am. I left it on the kitchen counter by… the… phone?”

Where the phone had been there was now a deformed mass of plastic and circuitry; just below it, an acid-damaged countertop covered in dissolved pulp.

“I don’t see anything other than a phone I’ll need to rebuild, again, and externally-digested wood fibers,” Peridot said, arms crossed as she examined the scene.

Lapis walked over to the area. “And good mahogany ruined,” she added with a hint of sadness.

However, her eyebrows perked up when she noticed the partially unpacked Big Donut bag, fortuitously spared from dissolution. “Hey, Snacks!” she cheered, before stuffing an entire donut in her mouth, pumping her fist, and exclaiming with full cheeks, “Yeff!”

Peridot looked at Lapis for a moment, an eyebrow raised, before turning back to Connie. “I am certain to within three standard deviations that you’re speaking the truth, my dear. However, I’ll still need you to complete it again so that I can grade it. Here, I’ll furnish you with a new copy.”

Tapping a few buttons on the arm she had extended out, her limb enhancer made the sounds of a printer as several sheets of paper slid out in succession from a small slot in her forearm. Peridot then tapped the papers together, squaring them up, and handed them over.

Connie took the papers with a resigned sigh. “I’ll get it done tonight, ma’am. Would it be alright if I went outside first? I wanted to read in my spot a little before it got too dark,” she asked, looking at Peridot with pleading eyes.

Peridot smiled and nodded. “Of course. I have complete confidence in your academic rigor. Besides, I need to reassemble this dwelling and help these clods find the centipeetle matriarch.”

Lapis made a noise of annoyance that was muffled by the donuts shoved her in mouth, her cheeks like that of a blue chipmunk.

Connie nodded, heading up the stairs to her loft. She picked out a few books, paper, a pencil case, and packed them all neatly into her green backpack. So prepped she then took the stairs down two at a time.

Peridot intercepted her at the base of the stairs, knelt down to eye level, and placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I realize it’s hard to sit back and not assist directly, but know that you will be ready one day. I have faith in that, as does everyone else. Your mother did, especially,” she said with a sigh and a slight smile.

She gripped Connie’s shoulder a little tighter and added in a motherly tone, “It’ll just take time. Until then let me, Lapis, and Jasper handle saving the world… okay?”

Connie frowned briefly, then nodded, face determined. “I guess…” She then split into a smile and hugged Peridot around the neck. “But I’ll be ready sooner than you think. I just know it!”

Peridot returned the hug, squeezing Connie close. “Yeah… you will…” she replied, smiling a second before letting Connie go and watching her head out the door.

The Green gem stared after the departing girl for a little while, before standing and turning to face the other gems.

Peridot opened her mouth to speak but her words were muffled when Lapis Lazuli pushed a bag of gummy candies into her face. Peridot startled in surprise before narrowing her eyes at the Blue gem.

Lapis giggled. “Boop. Candy in your face,” she singsonged. Jasper made a visible effort not to laugh. Once more Lapis prodded Peridot with the bag. “Boop, boop, boop. Candygram!”

Peridot flailed her arms, teeth gnashing in frustration. “Gnyaaaah! Lazuli! We don’t have time for this!”

Lapis, smile wide, flew back a few feet and gave a deep laugh, holding the bag of candy out invitingly in one hand.

Peridot glared for a moment longer then shook her head, her grimace shifting into a smile by steady degrees. She walked over and snatched the bag of sour treats away from Lapis. “As you’ve decided to weaponize these candies, I will be… confiscating them in reprimand.”

Lapis gave an exaggerated pout which caused a guffaw to erupt out of Jasper. Peridot rolled her eyes, but smiled, opening the bag and snacking contentedly.