Himiko’s Love + Shigaraki’s Hate

Commission art done by Giorfu

This is the first post in a series that analyzes the relationship Shigaraki has with each individual league of villains member. Himiko has a deep bond with Shigaraki that has helped him grow into more of a person, more under the cut.

1. Himiko ‘Loves Everything’ and Shigaraki ‘Hates Everything’

Shigaraki and Himiko from their introduction to one another seem as different as night and day. One is cheerful, with a cute face, always smiling that looks like nothing more than a normal teenage girl. The other cynical, foul mouthed, with a face covered in wrinkles most often hidden away from others, so outside of society his appearance even in casual clothes has a lot in common with a NEET. Himiko is extroverted and always trying to be friends with others, Shigaraki is introverted and at first extremely stunted in the way he interacts with others, and like a child cannot go a single interaction without throwing a tantrum or resorting to violence.

The two of them are so different I could go on all day listing the ways in which they contrast each other as opposites, but that’s not much of an analysis. The most important area in which they oppose each other is the central idea to each of their characters, their motivations, their raison d'être.

Himiko has stated repeatedly that she’s motivated by love, her love for life, her love for individuals, she has an unspecific and hard to define general idea of love that she follows. Himiko’s life goals are extremely vague, but it can be said she wants to enjoy her life, and therefore love everything about her life.

Himiko is moved by what she loves, even if she’s never quite good at verbalizing, or describing what the love is to others, just that it’s an overpowering feelings that overrides everything for her. To Himiko, even things like identity are secondary to love, as she’s completely willing to throw away her own ‘self’ for the feeling of becoming someone she loves.

Shigaraki is motivated by love’s opposite, the other side of the coin. What he feels and what informs his actions is an overpowering hatred for pretty much everything around him.

Unlike Himiko who is constantly enjoying herself, Shigaraki’s mentality is defined by his constant sickness towards not only himself but also everyone else around him. As if the act of living itself fills him with nausea. Himiko is a pleasure seeker, chasing her own twisted definition of happiness gives her peace of mind. Shigaraki however, finds his peace of mind not in pleasure but in pain, pleasure’s opposite.

To the point where he purposefully triggers himself with his unpleasant memories of the past to keep them inside of him. Shigaraki’s stress response has always been to inflict pain on himself in some way. Shigaraki suffers from excoriation disorder, as he picks at the skin of his neck obsessively when he cannot handle stress.

When he loses his sensei, we see him grab his head and hold the hands of his deceased family members in the exact same way he did when he was a child.

Both Shigaraki and Himiko’s actions come from powerful emotions that override everything else for them. Shigaraki was taught to hold all the pain in his heart, that there was no purpose in relieving his burden the only thing he could do was hold onto it. Which then makes sense as to why, Shigaraki’s first and primary stress response is just to inflict even more pain on himself.

To use a metaphor, Shigaraki’s heart is like a cage where he locks all of his negative emotions away. Himiko’s is a zoo where every single cage door has been left open, allowing the animals to roam free and do whatever they want. Shigaraki, everything from his destiny to inherit All For One being decided for him as a child, and the design of his costume has a motif of restraint and restriction. He holds everything in, and therefore limits his own freedom.

He is physically restrained by everything, his feelings of obligation for All For One due to him being saved by the villain, his legacy as the grandson of Tenko Shimura which was the only reason he was chosen for his fate in the first place, the feelings of his dead family members which he literally wears as hands gripping and restraining parts of his body like symbolic chains. As destructive as Shigaraki is, as little as he cares about society’s rules being imposed on him, Shigaraki is still defined far more by his lack of freedom than his freedom.

If Shigaraki is too restrained however, then Himiko is his complete opposite too free. Every actions Himiko takes is a grab for agency and freedom. If Shigaraki is somebody firmly rooted in his identity and past as Tenko Shimura, than Himiko can literally escape from her own identity. She is even said to be used to this, she quickly steals the appearance of another person and disappears into the crowd which is how she has lived without being caught for so long. Himiko’s identity is malleable to what suits her needs at the moment, and her needs are usually just whatever would make her happy.

Shigaraki is motivated by feelings deep in his heart, and a sickness underneath the surface of his skin that he can never get rid of. Himiko is motivated by shallow, momentary pleasures, that she enjoys and then forgets and moves onto the next. They seem like complete opposites, love and hate, but rather they are two sides of the coin and complementary to one another.

Even though the feelings they are motivated by are different, love and hate, pain and pleasure, the way they respond to and their perceptions of their own feelings are the same. Both of their own feelings of love and hate are vague, when they try to describe them to others they’re almost never understood, and that’s partially because both characters don’t really understand themselves except in the most general impressions of their own emotions. Shigaraki “hates mostly everything” and Himiko “likes things, and wants to do what she likes.” Neither of these are specific goals at all.

Shigaraki is even partially aware of this. That even if he achieves the concrete goals that All For One left behind for him, eliminate the competition, become the next king of the underworld, none of that is going to make him feel better. The same is for Himiko, even though she is chasing love she’s not really interested in any kind of concrete or permanent love. She doesn’t even seem to grasp what that is. Rather, she chases the feelings of love not really knowing what she would do when she gets there.

Himiko is aware on the surface that girls her age have friends, that they call each other by nicknames, and she knows that she wants that, but she’s not really aware what actual friends are or act like.

Himiko wants love, but when she tries to talk about love people either do not understand her, or they are physically disturbed by her. Her own version of love also has nothing to do with the other person loving her back, but rather the one-sided expression of her own love. These are all symptoms of the same general problem between Shigaraki and Himiko is that they both have really no sense of self.

Himiko we don’t have the specific reasons as to why yet as her backstory was told to us sensationally by another person (though it probably has something to do with suppressing her sense of self for too long), and Shigaraki because he was not raised to be a person but rather a tool for All for One’s revenge. He was not expected to grow into his own person with his own thoughts and feelings, but rather to grow into a second All for One.

Both Himiko and Shigaraki have nothing inside of them except for these impulses, these emotions to follow, so that is what they end up using to define themselves. Yet, even though they’re guided by their deepest emotions they at the same time lack a sense of self. You would think that would make them truer to themselves than anybody else, but they have no concrete desires, and both of them can only ever express themselves in vague and incomprehensible terms.

The reason for their lack of identity is that while indulging in themselves, they at the same time reject everything else around them. Shigaraki does not at all care for the ideas of hero society, but not only that he’ll reject other villains too who are not his allies. Not only does he come into conflict with heroes, but also with other villains who are not his allies. Himiko is much the same, she has no regard at all for the thoughts and feelings of others. She can only see the world from her own perspective, to the point where she’s completely cut off from others.

Himiko only cares about her own value system. Everybody else’s thoughts and opinions have nothing to do with her. She cannot even see other people as individuals, because she is so good at becoming them. That is why Himiko’s flashback is not told from her own perspective, but rather a reporter trying to spin the tale into a tragedy.

It’s not to suggest that Himiko has no real motive for her actions, but rather Himiko will reject the values and systems of others violently. The only thing Himiko cares about is her own personal story, her own little world, she will never accept anybody else’s perspective. That is the primary reason for her disconnect for others.



Yet at the same time because she is so disconnected her own identity suffers. People are defined by their interaction with others, but Himiko has been on the run from the law and constantly changing into different people on a week to week basis for several years. No wonder there’s instability present in her personality, she had no other people to look at her, see herself in, and accept herself until she found the league.

So, while Shigaraki and Himiko may seem like they are complete opposites, the fact that they feel such vague feelings towards “everyone” either hating everyone or loving everyone, makes them the same in a way. It’s because they perceive the crowd as a blur, just something to despise or love, something to direct their feelings at, the result is they are both an equal distance from everybody else.

Their feelings are those of outsiders directed towards the group that they are not a part of. They are also, a method of distancing themselves from absolutely everybody around them, as their incomprehensibility effectively prevents others from getting close.

2. The Outsiders

Himiko on the surface seems like nothing more than a shallow weird serial killer, especially since we do not have her own perspective on her backstory yet and she refuses to justify any of her violent actions with reason, as that’s the antithesis of her trying so hard not to let herself be defined by the values of others.

However, her actions while it may not be a direct reference have a lot in common with that of a philosophical outsider. By a philosophical outsider of course I’m referencing, Le’Stranger, the Stranger, or The Outsider by Albert Camus. It follows the story of a man named Mersault one day shoots dead an man without knowing his own motivations, and ends up being put to death partly because of his inability to show any remorse, but also not really caring about his fate one way or the other.

Himiko’s actions might read on the surface as killing for no reason, but one of the most famous existentialist novels of the modern era is about the exploration of a man taking a similar action. All that we know about Himiko’s backstory so far informed to us by others is that Himiko put on a mask of normalcy that one day shattered when she decided to stab a classmate for incomprehensible reasons and then run away.

In other words she mimics the actions of Mersault. There was a point in her life in which she lived among normal society, yet even among the crowds she was a stranger to them. Then one day she steps over the line herself by killing someone of her own free will, and becomes an outsider that no one else can comprehend. Both characters are similar in that they have no specific reasons why they kill, but only vague feelings that drive them. Not only that but their first kill that made them into a murderer also had no real trigger.

Here is the scene of Mersault killing the man in the book.

And then the Arab drew his knife and held it up toward me, athwart the sunlight.



A shaft of light shot upward from the steel, and I felt as if a long, thin blade transfixed my forehead. At the same moment all the sweat that had accumulated in my eyebrows splashed down on my eyelids, covering them with a warm film of moisture. Beneath a veil of brine and tears my eyes were blinded; I was conscious only of the cymbals of the sun clashing on my skull, and, less distinctly, of the keen blade of light flashing up from the knife, scarring my eyelashes, and gouging into my eyeballs.



Then everything began to reel before my eyes, a fiery gust came from the sea, while the sky cracked in two, from end to end, and a great sheet of flame poured down through the rift. Every nerve in my body was a steel spring, and my grip closed on the revolver. The trigger gave, and the smooth underbelly of the butt jogged my palm. And so, with that crisp, whipcrack sound, it all began. I shook off my sweat and the clinging veil of light. I knew I’d shattered the balance of the day, the spacious calm of this beach on which I had been happy. But I fired four shots more into the inert body, on which they left no visible trace. And each successive shot was another loud, fateful rap on the door of my undoing.



The point of the murder in The Stranger is that it’s not a deliberate, or passionate killing, it’s committed entirely offhand almost as an afterthought. Even in the process of killing someone Mersault does not think too much into why he is doing it, and after the fact he does not think too much of it either.



There are many interpretations on what this passage is supposed to symbolize, but one of the most direct interpretations is that Mersault thought “it would be interesting to know what it was like to pull the trigger.” The same way that people would hold a gun and fantasize about shooting someone for a moment, but then stop themselves. That means Mersault’s desire which led him to kill is not entirely as inhuman as he seems as a character. As everyone has passing thoughts like that.

The argument is that in Mersault’s situation everyone would be tempted to pull the trigger right away, or at least have that thought pass through their head. The sole difference between Mersault and other people, is that they would have had something to temper that impulse and tell themselves no, whereas Mersault did not deny himself and just pulled the trigger.

Once again it looks like a totally inhuman action killing someone for no good reason merely the idea that you could do it crossing the mind, and yet the same time it has a lot more in common with human thought then meets the eye.

So, we have Himiko who kills possibly for no good reason or justification. Except, the fact that she lacks the same part that Mersault does, the part of her brain that can resist the passing thought to pull the trigger, or to plunge the knife is the only thing which makes her different from others. Himiko is an outsider, and yet at the same time she is also someone whose desires are completely human.

She wants to smile and be happy just like everyone else. Just like everyone else she also has urges to hurt other people, but rather than resisting them she gives into them immediately, thus making her an outsider, thus making her a stranger.

Once again this might not be the deepest character motivation in the world, as a personal one, however on a philosophical level it’s fascinating and strangely compelling.

The stranger captures the state of mind as defined by the sociologist Emile Dirkeim as Anomie.



“A listless, affect-less, alienated condition where one feels entirely cut off from others and can’t find a way to share their sympathies or values.” (Source).

The hero of the outsider cannot except any of the standard explanations for why things are the way they are. He sees hypocrisy and sentimentality everywhere and can’t overlook it. He stands outside normal life, and is unconcerned with its pinched morality and narrow concerns for family and happiness.

“Mersault doesn’t play the game. He refuses to lie. He says what he is. He refuses to hide his feelings, and so society feels threatened.” (Albert Camus, Afterword of The Stranger).



While Mersault is not someone to be seen as superior to others, or even justified in acting the way he does, he is someone who would be seen as others with no thoughts and motivations behind his actions because his real thoughts and motivations are just so outside their point of view. The disconnect between himself and others is something utterly dehumanizing.

While Himiko doesn’t seem particularly concerned with the hypocrisies of society, there is still that gap between herself and others that she can never cross, that therefore makes it impossible for her to share her feelings. Himiko is also someone who refuses to lie in any way about herself. To the point where she’s almost too honest about her desires, that when she tries to speak truthfully about them she creeps others out. This is something she shares in common with Shigaraki, who every time he tries to express his own feelings usually gets called a man-child or a monster by the hero or villain he is facing off against. Their honesty towards themselves is something that makes others feel threatened.

The idea of “self” is so important to Himiko that she refuses to suppress any of it, even if it means that self is a bloodthirsty monster born with a blood sucking quirk. It’s not very tragic, but at the same time it is existentialist. She’s so focused on herself over others, that she cuts them out of the picture with a literal pair of scissors.

If society as a whole encourages repression than being true to yourself does make you a philosophical outsider, Himiko is an extreme example but it’s true as a whole.

Just like Shigaraki’s struggles the rejection of society telling him what he is supposed to accept and believe can be read as nihilism, then Himiko’s can be read as existentialism.

Well, to an extent. On the surface Himiko seems to be nothing more than a hedonist. Which would be the exact opposite of Shigaraki’s assertion that nothing in this world has any value. If she was strictly a hedonist, then to Himiko everything that gives her pleasure would have value. That value comes from the fact it gives her pleasure.

Hedonism is a school of thought that argues that the pursuit of pleasure and intrinsic goods are the primary or most important goals of human life.A hedonist strives to maximize net pleasure (pleasure minus pain). However upon finally gaining said pleasure, happiness may remain stationary.



Himiko’s guidance system is similar to this at least, she defines things as good or bad based on her own personal likes and dislikes. If something makes her feel good then it is good.

While everything she dislikes is bad. For Himiko, there’s no value beyond that personal judgement. She only stays with the league because being around them makes her feel good.

However, to step away from hedonism Himiko is willing to do things that will cause her discomfort. We even see her breaking her own rules of not doing the things she dislikes when it is necessary.

Himiko is literally all about chasing momentary pleasures and avoiding any kind of pain and consequence to her actions, so the fact that she was willing to say “We have to endure pain for now” is the exact opposite of her usual philosophy and shows she’s capable of much more than that. Which is why, Himiko may have desires that run deeper than her shallow, surface desires that she’s so open about.

Himiko values things like trust, friendship, and cooperating which are human values and yet she seems so different from them. In her moments of desperation Himiko seems to be wishing to become someone like Ochacho who is like, the definition of a good, boring, normal girl that Himiko seemed to despise being so much. That, she in a way, her own weird little way, wants to become more human too and to have more of her own identity even if that means stealing it from others. Which would make Himiko’s narrative an existentialist one rather than simply a hedonist one.

Nihilism and Existentialism as philosophies go hand in hand. In order to discover yourself you have to reject the way society and others see you and try to find your own values. Shigaraki and Himiko are also both outsiders, who see through the others around them.

Himiko is fantastic at reading other people at least on a surface level, and knows how to push buttons to get people to like her, and it’s implied her methods of acting cute are just that an act to get people to be kinder, and lower their suspicions.

Shigaraki was so intelligent at reading the crowds that he could tell that Stain was getting sympathy from people who never really cared that much about his ideals, just the idea of him.

They both have this clarity when it comes to reading other people because they reject the ideals of the others around them. They observe from an outside point of view. Both Shigaraki and Himiko are capable of seeing through the hypocrisies not only in society, but the other people around them. Though, their reasons are different and their origins are different.

Shigaraki was raised entirely outside of society, so much so that he has no memories of the time that he was ever a part of society, or the family he once had. The only thing he has to base his identity around was what was given to him by All for One.

Himiko was born to a rich family, and as far as we know no circumstances destroyed her life like they did Shigaraki’s. Himiko is also not the descendant of anybody special, it just so happened she was born with a weird quirk. Yet, despite coming from a proper family home and a proper upbringing, both her and Shigaraki end up in the same place as outsiders.

However, Camus argued that even though existentialism requires acknowledging that life is fundamentally absurd and meaningless and we must live our lives acknowledging this fact instead of accepting the values that others tell us, that does not mean all we can feel is empty disdain for life and everything in it like Shigaraki does. Shigaraki is right to reject the values of others, but his growth is still stunted, he hasn’t gotten past the phase of reckless rejection. He doesn’t want to do anything constructive he only wants to be destructive.

That is why Himiko’s philosophy is complementary to Shigaraki’s. Himiko also sees through everything, but because she sees it as absurd she searches for something to enjoy about life. Which is what Shigaraki needs to eventually learn to do, but Shigaraki sees himself as fundamentally capable of ever doing, or growing past that traumatized child who was saved by All for One.

Camus resists utter hopelessness or nihilism. He argues that we have to live with the knowledge that our efforts will be futile, our memory will disappear, and our species irredeemably corrupt and violent and that we should endure nonetheless. We are like sisyphus the greek figure ordained by the gods to continually push the boulder up the hill, only for it to fall back down again. That, even in the face of that we must try to cope. Shigaraki is anti-coping and anti-comfort, while Himiko seeks comfort. She seeks happiness and normalcy, even though she understands the fact that there is no such thing as a ‘normal life’.

“One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

3. Heroes and Villains

Shigaraki and Himiko are complementary characters and foils to one another who are meant to be side by side with one another. As the plot progresses they only grow closer to each other. Even in their roles to the story as antagonists, they are both foils to the respective hero and heroine.

Shigaraki is the foil of Deku. They were both mentored by previous generations on opposite sides of the conflict, Shigaraki by All for One, and Deku by All Might who has the quirk One for All. They both wear trademark red shoes. The story is primarily about their growth, Deku’s growth as a hero, and Shigaraki’s growth as a villain.

Shigaraki when confused about his own motivations and why people will not come to understand him and sympathize with him the same way that they do with Stain. He specifically seeks out Deku his opposite and foil, and tries to get the other to understand him. They both agree that the central philosophy about their characters both orbits around the same thing, in this case All Might.

Himiko in the exact same way seeks out Ochaco and shares her feelings with the girl, as a way of trying to understand herself. Both of them have the same primary motivator, that is feelings love for others, but also wanting to become more like the people they love because they find themselves insufficient.

They are also both the cheerful and bubbly girl of the group. They are both friendly to almost everyone they meet. They both seem to always be cheerful but at the same time are deeply observant of others. They both want to become heroes/villains for reasons that are more self involved instead of believing in a greater cause like justice. Himiko comes from a rich family and ran away from home, Ochaco comes from a poor family and left home to help support her parents financially.

Ochacho’s most important relationship is her relationship with Deku. They are seen as a pair helping one another grow. Therefore it stands to reason as their foils, Shigaraki and Himiko are also a pair that help one another grow on the villainous side of things.

This is not to say Himiko’s sole motivation rests on a man, but rather Shigaraki and Himiko can be seen as complementary characters responsible for each other’s growth. As Shigraki has the restraint that Himiko lacks, and Himiko the enjoyment of life that Shigaraki lacks. Even their attitudes are complete inversions.

Shigaraki is cold, aloof and distant with his attitude to everyone. He seems intellectual and analytical, yet at the same time internally just like Himiko he tends to be motivated by childish emotional fits, and also his desire to understand himself and others around him. Seen as when he threw a temper tantrum because Stain got more attention than he did. As logical as he seems, he has a tendency to lose himself to his own emotions. He can go into a trance of raw emotion in the same way that Himiko does.

Himiko is always pleasant and always smiling all the time. She seems to run purely on emotions and never put any thought into her actions besides which whim to follow next. She seems like someone enjoying her life to its fullest. Yet inside of herself. Yet, when someone gets in the way of Himiko chasing her desires her reaction is not to go into a frenzy like Shigaraki, but rather to suddenly go cold and start acting logically. She is shown capable after all of explaining to Jin when he’s losing his mind, that they have to put aside their own personal feelings in the short term because it was the only way to get what they want in the long term. Himiko seems like an impulsive idiot, but she’s also a capable reconnaissance and field agent that’s entirely capable of acting on her own in the best interest of the league and calling those shots herself.

Himiko has also been shown to desire the same kind of connection that Uraraka has with Deku. Rather, she has grown to desire that. This marks a change, because usually Himiko does not care at all about the recipient of her feelings. She only cares about expressing her own love, and not being loved in return. However, she’s shown to specifically notice how Deku trusts her and values her as an individual. That they have a mutual connection rather than a one sided one.

Which hints Himiko’s desires may have changed from simply chasing crushes to wanting someone mutual. The current Himiko may not see other people as people, but to have mutual feelings she would have to see them as people. She has to at least acknowledge one other person as an individual with feelings that matter besides her own, in order to be able to receive those feelings.

4. Himiko’s Ideal Man

That being said, Himiko has been shown repeatedly to have a specific type that she’s attracted to.

Her first victim is shown to be a boy resembling Deku. She later finds Deku and Stain both cute because they are people who are covered in blood. This preference is obviously related to her quirk, but it also might be related to her suppression.

Himiko was taught her natural attraction to blood was abhorrent and deviant. The only way anyone ever tried to teach her to deal with her feelings were repression. Therefore, she repressed, and repressed. Being covered in blood is the opposite of repression. It’s someone wearing their heart on their sleeve (literally because they’re bleeding all over it) the same violence and bloodshed that she was taught to repress. If anything I would say she falls in love with that expression of their repressed violent sides because that is what Himiko wants to be. The opposite of what she was told to be. Expressed, instead of repressed.

Stain, and Deku are also people who fight to be unflinchingly true to their own ideals. That is they fight to remain themselves. That’s why they’re always getting covered in blood. Himiko wants to be able to be herself, to her that’s the most important thing. Ochaco suppresses herself, but Himiko loves the fact that Ochaco is loved and valued by Deku just for being Ochaco.

Himiko’s also shown to have stuck with the league for a long time, despite the fact that she’s one prone to running away to chase impuslive desires, and two the league has almost nothing to do with Stain anymore.

Himiko even says her reason for staying is that the league makes her feel good. The League is the reason that she’s stayed in one place for the longest time in her life.

Shigaraki is obviously someone who fits Himiko’s description about what she likes in men to a T. His style is always to charge straight into a fight, even if it results in his body getting broken and hurt. He practically walks around with a bleeding wound on his chest his emotions are so raw. We always see him get covered in blood and keep going in his own fights. Despite Shigaraki meeting that criteria of person, we don’t see Himiko ever obsess over him the same way that she does with Stain, or Deku to the point where she stops seeing them as a person.

It’s probably for a simple reason, if Himiko became Shigaraki, that is murdered him and took his place, then she would no longer have Shigaraki the individual there as a presence in her life.

5. Himiko’s Changing Feelings

Himiko appears as someone who does not see, or understand the feelings of other people at all. She has no regard for them and doesn’t even understand them as people. I don’t think Destro’s assessment of her is inaccurate, she clearly observes people and mimics their behaviors on a surface level and can even deduce their reasons behind their actions and yet does not see them as people fully independent from her with her own thoughts and feelings. And this method of observing others, without acknowledging their separate individual exist prevents her from being able to connect with them. Even though she knows that people are capable of forming connections with each other in an intellectual sense.

However, Himiko’s feelings towards others may also be changing and developing in the same way that Shigaraki’s feelings have. Himiko states that she wants to “become” other people, and that there is some truth to what she’s saying that it’s natural to want to emulate the person you admire. Her impetus for change has always been the other people around her. However, as long as she does not see other people as people she will frustratingly never be able to get too close to them.

Himiko is someone who only thinks about her own values, and her own happiness, and yet we have seen her acting for the sake of someone else.

Himiko wandered away and yet kept Tomura in mind, doing something beneficial to help him. In the same chapter we see official art drawn of Shigaraki sitting on the chair adorned by hands, the symbols of him chaining himself up while Himiko cuts the red curtains in front of them letting light pour on him a symbol of her freedom. Once again, their opposite natures could be beneficial to one another as Himiko could ultimately be a person freeing for Shigaraki to be around.

When Himiko tells Shigaraki point blank that she does not want to do anything that would make her uncomfrotable or anything she finds personally unpleasant, Shigaraki shows her his first ever smile in the series. In Himiko (And Twice’s) eyes he does not look like a monster, but rather a young man earnestly smiling at them as he speaks his true feelings. That is not only did Shigaraki show his first smile to Himiko of all people because she needed him to speak his true feelings to understand his intentions, but also Himiko agreed to do something she did not like, not for the sake of herself but for someone other than her.

While Shigaraki is not someone that Himiko understands quite yet, she’s also someone whose feelings she accepts.

That is why, for Shigaraki’s sake Himiko who chases only pleasure does some rather unpleasant things.

She infiltrates the Yakuza and follows their orders The league is the longest time she’s stayed in one place. Himiko, who is defined as impatient and impulsive has spent the better part of a month literally chasing a giant man down a mountain and barely sleeping or eating so she can keep fighting him in shifts. Literally, nothing at all about that is pleasant.

Himiko is the most impulsive and stab happy member of the group, and paradoxically she’s also the most loyal and listens and trusts Shigaraki. Himiko even listens to Shigaraki when he tells her not to stab, which is her literal favorite thing to do.

Himiko is sociable and free. Shigaraki is restrained, but capable of holding his emotions back and making decisions that are best for the group. Himiko likes getting along with others and values others but does not see them as people. However, due to the league but Shigaraki and Himiko have learned the values of their teammates around them.

They both remind each other that other people besides themselves exist. Shigaraki even puts a hold on his plans to destroy everything, because Himiko reminds him that she still wants to enjoy the things she loves. Shigaraki only looks at the pains of life, and Himiko only looks at the pleasures, but they sort of need to understand each other to become more well balanced people.

Himiko accepts Shigaraki despite not understanding him. Shigaraki is the reason that himiko found a home where she could be her unrepressed self and be accepted, as the league all bands together around Shigaraki. Himiko claims she does everything she does in order to get close to a vague and unspecific “someone”. Who originally seemed completely interchangable to her. It could be Stain, it could be Deku, it could be Uraraka. They were all just immature crushes, meant for feeling the feeling of love rather than caring about the feelings of the person she loved.

However, that unspecific someone may have evolved into feelings for an actual person that Himiko has no realized yet, and a desire to be able to connect with them and share the same emotions, and a struggle because she genuinely does not know how to connect.

Himiko has this broken paradox about her where she wants to not deny a single part of herself, and be the monster that other people see as her indulging it all the while. Which requires her to not care about the opinions of other people at all. While at the same time she still cannot deny her very human desires, the desire to connect, the desire to be loved, and because she cannot stop being human so far she has only taken half measures and made broken and bloody attempts to connect rather than opening her eyes to look at others. It was an immature way of connecting.

That her desires have matured from chasing crushes, to wanting to be loved in the exact same way that Ochaco is loved. That is trusted, and relied upon as a person. She even says explicitly, that she’s lucky because Deku trusts her. Himiko’s actions when they are for someone else, have always been to become someone Tomura can rely on and is one of his most trusted people.

When she says she wants to become more like the people she loves, she imagines herself as someone lovable, someone who has earned the trust of another peson, a good girl completely unlike her Ochaco and wears it as her own. However, Himiko cannot become that person and half of the face melts away revealing that she will always still be Himiko underneath.

At the end though, while her face is still revealed unconsciously she imitates Shigaraki, both in motivation and in pose. He’s the last thing she thinks of before she starts thinking of the feeling of wanting to get closer to others again. Himiko’s one true desire that there is someone who might love her and trust her as herself, and not as a good girl like Ochaco revealed only by slipping out indirectly in the her last true moments of consciousness. Likely, because Himiko is probably yet still unaware that her own desires have changed this much.

Her feelings are maturing, and she has become capable of seeing at least one other person besides herself as an individual. Thus in turn her feelings grow as well as she wants this feeling to be reciprocated and the other party to see her as an individual too.

That she, who is literally so malleable that she can literally become anybody, might just want someone to love her for being herself.

Himiko and Shigaraki as different as they seem like night and day, both have the same deep desires. They both want to become individuals. They are both on journeys of existential self discovery outside of the boundaries of society, and both of them capable of change. Meeting each other, working together, has only sparked this change in each of them. Shigaraki had to grow and show his true face to her, to earn her trust and cooperation. Himiko had to grow and become someone capable of thinking of others so she could be trusted by him. Love and hate are not opposites, they are complementary forces that are meant to help each other.