Hi there. Good afternoon. Oh, gosh, I can’t believe it’s already the afternoon! The plan was to wake up early and be here by 9 A.M. to get to work on my novel. That’s right, a novel. I’m writing a novel, and it’s going to have characters, conflict, dénouement—all that stuff. Wow, it feels so good to say it out loud. I’ve been telling every single person who will listen that I’m currently working on a novel, but it feels especially amazing to tell you right now.

To get my once-in-a-generation story down onto the page, in my laptop, though, I’m going to need your café’s Wi-Fi password. Sorry, I don’t know if you heard me: I’m going to be writing a novel here in your café today! How exciting for you!

That’s the thing about writing a novel. You think you can get by without the World Wide Web. I mean, isn’t my imagination the widest web of them all? However, I will need to connect to your Wi-Fi to do some online research in order to fill my story with historically accurate details. Sure, I’ll spend most of my time staring at my ex’s vacation photos on Facebook, but it’s all just a part of the writing process.

Gee, what a privilege it is for you to have me here in your café, working on my inevitable masterpiece. One day, when I manage to actually write any part of this novel, you’ll get to tell people, “I saw him working on that novel in my café! He asked for the Wi-Fi password and then sat down to write the greatest work of the last fifteen—no, twenty—years!”

Are there any other power outlets in here or do I have to use the ones in the back of the café? I’d really prefer to sit somewhere near the front, so I can gaze out the window and be inspired by the hustle and bustle of the city. Novels are so much more than just the physical manifestation of an author’s unique voice. They’re a reflection of an author’s surroundings and atmosphere. You know what a novel is, right? It’s like a long book. I’m currently working on one.

Ah, shoot. Was that password case-sensitive? Can I have it again? You know what? This reminds me of the writing process. It requires so much going back and reworking. Luckily, I haven’t had to do much editing on my novel yet since I haven’t actually written anything.

Would you like to take a photograph of me and hang it up, so you can one day tell your patrons that a famous author sat here for twelve hours using your Wi-Fi and only purchased a single coffee? What size for the coffee? The smallest you have, please.

O.K., I guess I’ll sit at this table right over here. Please don’t call my name once my tiny coffee is ready, just in case I’m deep in the throes of writing my novel. I wouldn’t want you to interrupt my train of thought. As I’ve mentioned, I’m writing a novel with my hands and my brain. One more time, what’s the Wi-Fi password?