Homeopathic doctors threaten five-second strike

Homeopathic medics demanding better-working conditions have threatened to walk out for five seconds if they don’t get their way.

If their demands aren’t met, they have suggested that even less industrial action might be necessary in future.

A new contract offering more money has been rejected as ‘utterly unacceptable’ by homeopaths, who become more effective the less they are paid.

Practitioners accused the government of a ‘watered down’ response to the threat without the slightest trace of irony.

The action follows a ten-second walkout last week which nobody noticed, so homeopaths decided to help the process along a bit this time by telling people in advance what the outcome would be.

The dispute began when Department of Health told homeopaths that they are required to adopt the same standards as the rest of the medical profession except for the difficult science bit at the start.

Many Homeopaths object to what they see as the increasing commercialisation of their profession, including a recently-announced sponsorship deal with Volvic.

“We’re sick of this constant dilution of our working conditions,” homeopath Simon Williams told us.

“Our demands aren’t unreasonable; shorter holidays, fewer staff, only one day off at weekends and far, far, less money.

“The only acceptable part of the new contract is the cut to our research budget, which we didn’t really know what to do with anyway.”