THE UK will remain in a customs union with the EU for the short period of time it takes to get a fully-functioning moon base established.

With the government totally unable to decide how to proceed with Brexit, building a vast, self-sufficient colony on the moon is seen as the most realistic way forward.

Foreign secretary Boris Johnson said: “Finally we’ve got a firm deadline for departing the EU and beginning our trade deals with other nations, and indeed planets.

“Moonbase Churchill, which will proudly fly the Union Jack and house millions of our citizens, should be up and running by 2025 at the latest. I mean, we’re British.

“Once we’re getting all our resources – medicines, radioactive material, moon-milk – from our self-supporting colony we can cut all ties with Europe and frankly forget they even exist.

“We won’t need a hard border in Northern Ireland either, because we’ll be able to keep our eyes on every inch of it. From the moon.”

EU lead negotiator Michel Barnier said: “Excuse me while I bang my head repeatedly on this table, again.”