PICTURED: Darth Vader, awaiting trial under house arrest.

Sleej Mantolo / Coruscant Correspondent, GlizzFeed

Early Primeday morning, Lord Darth Vader became the first sentient indicted by Special Prosecutor Keepnar Mu-Lerr’s ongoing probe into allegations that the transition from Galactic Republic to Galactic Empire may not have been totally aboveboard. He stands accused of charges ranging from conspiracy against the Empire, to making false statements, to filing misleading financial datatapes. The 1138-page indictment lays out some largely pedestrian corruption, including a passing connection to gangster Jabba the Hutt, but buried on page 327 is a bombshell: Darth Vader has had private contacts with high-ranking members of the Rebel Alliance.

Yes, Darth Vader, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet & top aide to the Emperor himself, has had private contacts with an organization whose stated purpose is the destabilization of the Empire. Where’s the outrage about this? Lord Vader’s behavior is patently criminal. By his own admission, he sat down for an expensive private dinner in Bespin’s Cloud City with none other than Captain Han Solo. Solo, of course, participated in the devastating terrorist attack on the World Trade Station. But, they dined together. And the public paid for the meal.

That’s not all: also in attendance was notorious defector Princess Leia Organa. A strident dissenter during the final session of the Imperial Senate, Organa went on to join the Rebel Alliance in a leadership role. She & several other Rebel agents escaped following the dinner, with assistance from Lando Calrissian, Baron Administrator of Cloud City. How is that possible? The station was occupied by Darth Vader’s personal guard — the most elite stormtroopers in the Empire. How exactly could a mere Mining Guild administrator outwit our top soldiers, under the command of our most high-ranking military official? The indictment spends little time on the escape, shrugging it off as a simple military defeat. I don’t buy it.

Security droid EJ-Tangonan captured this image inside the Cloud City dining room. L to R: Organa, Solo, Vader, Lobot, Calrissian, & an unidentified Wookiee.

It all ties back to the dinner. Financial statements reveal the meal was arranged by a local firm known as “Colt 45 Events, LLC;” a being named “Lobot” is listed as the CEO of Colt 45 Events; Vader claims he personally hired Lobot to set up the evening. According to the indictment, that’s all there is to it. But, a search of Cloud City’s government directory shows that “Lobot” is the name of Lando Calrissian’s secretary. And Calrissian was also at that dinner. Lobot obviously was the go-between for Vader & Calrissian, avoiding a direct paper trail; what else did they discuss? What did Calrissian know, & when did he know it? Expect to see indictments for those two very soon.

Another major lingering question: what are the whereabouts of Captain Solo? He’s been missing for months; this newly-revealed dinner represents his last known location. Why didn’t he “escape” with the others? And who is this “Boba Fett” gentleman listed as Vader’s “personal security?” The indictment is painfully short on details, but at this point we can be certain of this: Either Vader knew of the Rebel leaders’ escape & did nothing to stop it; or, he orchestrated the whole charade.

There’s a lot more here than what Vader’s told us, and I bet we’ll be hearing quite a bit about the “Bespin Banquet” before this investigation is over. For his part, Emperor Palpatine (formerly Senator Palpatine, R-Naboo) took to Twi’tter for yet another rant. Though he didn’t comment on the indictment directly, he did deny any link to the Dark Lords of the Sith, saying “….Also, there is NO DARK SIDE!!” If you ask this reporter, there is most certainly a Dark Side. Let’s hope Mu-Lerr can bring it to light.

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