You don’t want to miss out! You can only donate to our campaign today, and also tomorrow, and also every day until you remove yourself from our email listserv.

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You should call a doctor to figure out what is wrong with you if you overlook this! Get coffee with that recent college graduate from your alma mater who misspelled your name in their initial email. Sure, it’ll be really awkward when they make a joke about how you very well might be fetching them coffee someday once their Big Idea takes off. But someone took a chance on you once, didn’t they?

You will literally kick yourself if you don’t take advantage of this! Invest in this two-bedroom suburban starter home now and you can have the privilege of being buried under mortgage debt for the next 40 years.

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Honestly, you are selfish and a blotch on humanity if you don’t open this door! We are holding our annual neighborhood block party, and as a member of our loving 3rd Avenue Neighborhood Community who inexplicably only appears at events that have free food or gossip, you absolutely must contribute to our community by volunteering to work the water balloon station even though last year an unbelievably tall sixth grader dumped the entire bucket on your head.