By Dr. Camilla Griggers, Co-founder at The Healist

The Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays are times of year when families gather. Many of us are called to go home or travel during the holidays to be with kin. These gatherings are always a blessing. For many though, they can also be a challenge because of unhealthy family patterns.

These family dynamics can feel hard to change because they are often unconscious, laid down in deep grooves from conception to about 5 years old, before language and a sense of self are developed enough to be able to separate your family members from yourself.

What can you do this year to step out of your role in the family dysfunction, make your holidays more peaceful, and bless your kin with some family healing? Here are 5 tips:

1) Stay in the present. All healing happens in the present. Nothing new happens in the past.

2) Focus on yourself and not the other family members if tensions rise. Stay with “I” statements and avoid “you” statements (like “you did this” or “ you should have done that” or “you always make me feel x, y and z…”).

3) Keep the energy moving. If you feel gravity pulling you into a dynamic that feels all too familiar, get up and move! I don’t mean storm out of the room; I mean get up and dance the tango to the bathroom! Crack a joke. Ask someone to take a walk. Offer someone a back massage, or ask for one. Keep the energy light and moveable–the opposite of heavy and stuck. Be the change you want, and if you’re not there yet, keep yourself moving in the right direction.

4) Forgive yourself if you get sucked in. Take note and get back to the dance floor. We all have parts of ourselves that can get called into action in certain kinds of situations. Know that wounded part of you may always be there, but it is not the whole of you.

5) Finally, eat wholesome nutritious, nutrient-dense organic foods. The microbiome in your gut affects your mood. If you go crazy binging on sugar, carbs and alcohol, or let your blood sugar drop waiting for dinner to be served, you won’t feel up for the family challenge, and may miss the bliss of what could have been an energized and contented you touching the light of kin and clan with your high vibe.

No one really wants to fuel family dysfunction. We just need to personally practice the skills that help families be more adaptive. Starting with letting go of unconscious patterns enough to consciously create new possibilities, and be your Super Self.