The Greatest Showman is probably the best musical that’s ever come out so naturally the songs from it are complete bangers. Hugh Jackman has a set of pipes on him and lends his soul to every song in this album. Wolverine origin movie would’ve been ten times better if it was a musical.

“I’m Wolverine and I’ve come to make you bleed,

Stab you in the leg and then aim for your spleen,

You don’t believe I wrote this you have a question,

I’ll refer you to my ghostwriter…Professor XXXtentacion”

BAM there’s a few lines that would’ve made that a hit, you’re welcome 20th Century Fox use that in the new Wolverine movie. Oh wait. Hugh Jackman, Troy Bolton, and Zendaya is the recipe for songs that slap, and these slap harder than Joe Jackson when Michael told him he wanted to be white.

The Greatest Showman is so fucking good I’m getting chills just writing the title. You can listen to this on a Monday morning and it will convince you it’s Friday afternoon. The slow buildup of Jackman barely whispering draws you in like that trap the raptors set in Jurassic Park. You look down and see a minute has gone by and you didn’t even realize, wow this song is doing well thus far. Next, we get to the chorus and what a couple lines of music it is. Jackman’s full repertoire is on display as he describes what you in the audience should be feeling. And do you ever. “Where the runaways are running the night” is lowkey the best line. Now it starts picking up and you’re holding on for dear life. Blood pressure rises to unsafe levels but the dopamine being secreted overrides your panic. You’ve been wondering all song where Zac Efron is, you see him on the song, but wonder is he just background vocals? Hell fucking no! That velvety, seductive soprano rings out and everything seems right in the world. I don’t want to compare Efron’s chorus to Jackman’s; that would be like comparing best pop-tart flavors, its best to just soak in greatness and realize it is happening right in front of your eyes.

Rewrite the Stars is the romantic ballad between Efron and Zendaya and lord does it make you lonely. Who can’t relate to two star crossed lovers, not accepted by society for who they are, trying to make things work. I would have Zendaya’s baby just so she didn’t have to go through the 9 months of pregnancy. Seahorses do it, so why can’t I do that for her, my jaw kinda comes out far so I look like a horse already. The scene in the movie is great because you feel the sexual tension, smell the pheromones emanating from their tortured souls. Zendaya tries her best to hit him with the kiss of death line in every relationship “its not you, its me you deserve better” but Efron is no mere mortal. He dodged it like Patches O’Houlihan. This is the same dude who successfully convinced Gabriella to stay in their long-distance relationship, cmon now Zendaya!

The Other Side is for boys!!!! If I could take all the testosterone out of this song I might have normal levels. Jackman convincing Efron to join the show over like 50 shots perfectly choreographed had to be how it was watching Michelangelo sculpt David. Just two guys sculpting other guys into how they want them to be, wow what a metaphor. I’ll warn you this is very upbeat so if you don’t want to run through a brick wall I would stay away. The negotiation tactics in the middle are spot on too it’s almost like it was written by Mark Cuban. Start high and gradually get lower until you work for free. Brilliant. If you’re planning a wedding dance with your wife scrap it and instead perform a perfectly choreographed routine to this song with your best man. Your wife will laugh and hate you for the rest of your life but your boy will probably get laid. An eye for an eye.

Other notables are Come Alive and This is Me, both great songs in their own right. This is Me got the Oscar nod and the performance there was incredible. Humans have the innate need to accepted and the camouflage we put up every day is just to disguise what we really want to be. Come Alive gets the whole gang back together and has a catchy beat so it has my approval. Has to be the top soundtrack out there, sorry Tarzan and Shrek but you are close seconds, don’t you worry.

@conormc21