Are you a wine connoisseur or a person of refined tastes? Well this article is not for you. Every once in awhile we come across something fun, and through HomebrewTalk we found something fun; Mountain Dew Wine. What's not to love about Mountain Dew and wine; two of life's treasures along with love, puppies and ALF. I know the prospect of making such an artisan drink as "Brew the Dew Wine®™", patent pending, seems daunting but it's quite easy and I will guide you through it. Step 1

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Go to the local store and buy 3 gallons of Mountain Dew, cans or 2 liters, doesn't matter. Just make sure to tell the cashier it's not for you, word of you buying all that Mountain Dew might get around town. Depending on the town it will either bring scowls when you're in public or people showing up to your house wanting a drink, neither things you need right now in life. Step 2 Purchase the following if you don't already own them, buy these online to avoid anyone local truly knowing what you're doing, else those scowls will turn into whispers while you walk by:

Step 3 Sanitize your carboy, bung and airlock with Star-San. Pour all that nutritious, good for your bones, Mountain Dew into the 3 gallon carboy. Put on the bung and airlock to keep anything out and let it sit until the carbonation is completely gone. I would also recommended shaking and agitating to speed up the carbonation loss. You want that Dew to be as flat as West Texas. Some people have stated it might take three days, for us it was two. Step 4 Fire up your stir-plate and make a starter. If you're not familiar with starters we have a great article to walk you through it. How to Make a Yeast Starter. Sodium Benzoate is not a fan of yeast so that starter needs to be super-powered. You might consider pitching even more nutrient when it comes time. Step 5 Once that Dew is as flat as a pancake, go ahead and add your yeast nutrient. Agitate it some and let it sit for a few minutes then pitch your entire yeast starter into the mixture. Step 5 Cover that carboy up with your bung and airlock, fill the airlock up with some Star-San or Vodka (feeling a strong urge for an American Movie reference here) ... then wait. I know it's tough but you're going to need to wait till this bad boy hits a final gravity (FG) of roughly 1.01 - 0.99. Use your hydrometer and test every so often. Once there, sample that bad boy, if it's as perfect as I'm sure it will be, you're done! Step 6 It's time to bottle up some of this Dew to send off to competitions and provide to Robert Parker and Jancis Robinson for critique. So pull that bung off, smell the sweet, sweet delicious, and nutritious, Dew Wine smell. Get some old wine bottles with twist off caps, then use your auto-siphon and fill up some bottles. Drink and be merry! Final Notes & Technical Observations Once you're done, use your Brew the Dew wine to gather some old friends you haven't seen in awhile, head to a local park at night, sprawl out a large blanket under a night full of hypnotic stars. As you gaze over the enormity that is our Universe, down all those sorrows with your "Brew the Dew Wine®™", patent pending. For me my sorrows always trace back to Chris Gaines, I so wanted that to work out, if you are not familiar with Chris Gaines, you are in for a big treat. Disclaimer: We are not responsible for your Brew the Dew Wine coming out award winning. Also note the facts about nutritiousness may or may not be accurate.