They don’t, of course. One is as likely as the other. Actually, Capt. Archer is more likely, since we actually know what he looks like.

Time reports that Christians are claiming the miraculous face of Jesus in a Colombia rockslide:

So many worshippers came to the site in Putumayo that police have been brought in to manage the crowd, Colombian newspaper El Tiempo reports, and some locals have begun charging the pilgrims to see the face. “If you believe in Jesus, you will see your image,” Ximena Rosero Arango, one of the people who came to the site, told the newspaper. The image has also been making the rounds on social media since Saturday, when the crowds first began arriving.

They may see Jesus, but I know Jonathan Archer when I see him. Beam me there immediately, so that I may set those foolish Christians straight. Perhaps other Trekkies will join me, and we shall live long and prosper.