TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Local old man Brian Burke has recently discovered how the Internet works when he filed a defamation lawsuit against an internet troll, or whatever the hell they’re called. The internet posters allege that Burke had an affair with sportscaster Hazel Mae, and had a kid with her or some utter bullshit like that.

Burke, former General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, lashed out against the jerk that decided to tell lies about him on a computer. Burke is pretty sure that the stuff that’s being said about him is on every computer out there now, somehow, and it’s all lies, pretty much.

Burke, remembering times when you just talked to people face-to-face, or picked up a phone that was attached to a goddamn wall and heard the actual voice of someone, has elected not to engage the internet allegations since it’s like trying to punch a fart in the mouth. So he’ll get his lawyers on this piece of shit and see how they like Facebooking in front of a judge or whatever the hell they do over there. Seriously, if they start pulling that “Anonymous” shit and get Burke’s credit card information, there will be a shit storm, Burke promises.