This is the Oscar presentation speech, a task which is often assigned to a weirdly matched pair of stars, often in the newsreader coupling of older man and younger woman.

But with no obvious rapport, minimal rehearsal time, and with each presenter apparently yearning to prefigure their awards with their very own Hallmark-greeting-style thoughts on the nature of cinematic art, these presentations can be stilted and bizarre.

Settle down now and enjoy this extravaganza of the 10 most remarkable Oscar night presenter clips. If you are watching this in the office, then inform your boss you will be unavailable for work for the next half hour or so. But be warned: inhaling so much Oscar night euphoria at once can induce dizziness and hysteria.

Here it is ... the Oscar for Most Startling Performance by an Academy Award Presenter. And the nominees are ... (click on the blue titles to watch the clips)

1. Liv Ullmann and Roger Moore for the Best Actor award in 1973

Liv and Rog are a gloriously surreal combination. In her speech, Liv reverently mentions the name of her great mentor Ingmar Bergman, and leaves a gap for the audience to applaud. A chilling silence from the crowd leaves Liv no choice but to carry on with her speech, which, ironically, concerns the aesthetic importance of silence. Rog's smirkingly smoothie line to her: "You're quite right …" makes him sound like 007 responding to some babe's opinion that Martinis are better shaken than stirred. Famously the award went to Marlon Brando, and Liv and Rog had the difficult job of responding to Native American campaigner Sacheen Littlefeather who came on to turn it down on Brando's behalf.

2. Robert Mitchum and Sigourney Weaver for the Best Supporting Actress award in 1983

This is a classic presenter combo and Mitchum's performance is pure gold, giving the impression that he doesn't quite see what the big deal is, or indeed who Sigourney Weaver is. But his "Winds of War" line is a killer, and when Weaver does a quintessential presenter comment — "They are all brilliant; I stand in awe of talent" — she gets a genial comeback from the great man.

3. Jack Black and Will Ferrell for the Best Song award in 2003

This was an interesting and potentially funny idea: taking the tune that the band strikes up when a speech goes on too long, and setting lyrics to it. Jack and Will get reasonable laughs for this, but it's all a bit subdued, and the audience prefers quick-fire gags. And note how, despite the comedy, Jack Black feels he has to begin the proceedings with his views on cinematic art in the time-honoured presenter style: "Songs have a magical power to transport us to a different time and place …" He does this quite straight, though Will, taking the next line, seems to make an on-the-hoof decision to send it up a bit.

4. Walter Matthau for the Best Actress award in 1972

This is an oddity. Walter Matthau, a great 70s Hollywood figure who has slipped from the collective memory somewhat, grinds drolly through his speech, never making much of a meal of it, never bothering to fake much of an interest in the outcome and in the end cheerfully confessing to a cock-up. And then … oh my God! Who is that very scary looking guy creeping up behind him? Is he going to hit Walter Matthau over the head? No, he's just going to give Walter the envelope — perhaps the only example of a presenter not actually bringing the envelope on with him.

5. Clint Eastwood for the Best Director award in 1994

Magnificently un-awed by the whole business, Clint sounds faintly tired and bored by the task, waiting with the merest glimmer of irritation for the teleprompter to work properly and then resignedly giving up. You can hear him sighing as the directors-in-action-clip montage is played in.

6. Frank Sinatra for the Honorary Oscar award in 1970

This goes to Cary Grant, and Sinatra begins with a smart little speech, introduces a Cary Grant clip montage but then, once he's brought Grant on, seems utterly unable to leave him alone. Cary Grant is ready and willing to begin his speech, but to his obvious bemusement, Frank is mad keen to do some Rat Pack-style badinage about getting slapped by dames. For a long, long moment, Frank appears deeply reluctant to step out of the spotlight, and there is no easy way to tell him to get off.

7. Gary Cooper and Donald O'Connor for the Best Actress award in 1954

For sheer wackiness, this is hard to beat. Donald O'Connor does the first bit of the presentation, and then introduces a filmed clip of Gary Cooper on location in Mexico (apparently making the picture Vera Cruz). Cooper does a strange long walk away from a massed rank of extras up to the camera to read out the nominees and then hands back to O'Connor for the big announcement. O'Connor then does some clowning around on the theme of the song from Cooper's great movie High Noon and zanily pretends to walk off without opening the envelope. It looks like a more innocent, less solemn age for the Oscars.

8. Gene Hackman and Raquel Welch for the Best Actress award in 1973

This from a bit of a vintage year for presentations. Raquel Welch has a rich Venusian tan so buttery and smooth she looks like she is being viewed through a pair of Foster Grants. Her breathy speech concludes with the assertion that she is "friends" with all the nominees. After a tiny moment to check that she is finished, Hackman, sporting some outrageous brillo-pad hair, launches into his own thoughts on the nature of talent. As they open the envelope, Welch says: "I hope they haven't got a cause!" — apparently a reference to the Sacheen Littlefeather moment. To judge from the icy silence, Raquel's gag is a little misjudged, but actually isn't bad.

9. Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro for the Honorary Oscar award in 1999

This was given, controversially, to Elia Kazan. Check out Scorsese and De Niro's clenched body language. They, as much as anyone, knew how unpopular Kazan was with many in the audience: the guy who snitched to the McCarthy hearings. So the presenters are nervous, unsmiling and unrelaxed, standing bolt upright, as if facing a firing squad, hands clasped uneasily in front of them. De Niro fluffs his lines and Scorsese is uncharacteristically stern. When Kazan gives his speech and invites Martin Scorsese to stand next to him, Scorsese appears not to respond at first, standing directly behind him — masked. Ed Harris, Holly Hunter and Nick Nolte are shown not applauding.

10. Charles Bronson and Jill Ireland for the Best Actress award in 1974

Charles and Jill were married at the time, but it didn't stop them looking like two full-scale toy robots with the batteries removed, and Bronson sounds like he's on some sort of super-strength Mogadon. The glassy-eyed teleprompter gaze is a default position for many. The award goes to 11-year-old Tatum O'Neal who steals the show very thoroughly with a miraculously relaxed and admirably short speech which a grownup then feels honour-bound to come on and pointlessly extend.

There you have it, then, 10 fabulous nominees.

So the Oscar for Most Startling Performance by an Academy Award Presenter goes to ... if I can just ... get this open ... Liv and Rog!!!

But then again perhaps you feel I've missed some great presenters out? If you can post the relevant YouTube clip, then we can perhaps consider it for next year's award ...