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00:00 - 00:03 We have the crowd ready at Blizzcon, Mr President.

00:04 - 00:05 The room is packed...

00:05 - 00:07 and the leaks about a big Diablo announcement has everyone salivating 'here'

00:08 - 00:12 We are ready for the show and glorious reception

00:12 - 00:15 that will no doubt follow from the loyal fans of our franchise

00:17 - 00:19 Good. I can't wait to see it myself

00:19 - 00:21 Diablo 2 Remastered? Or Diablo 4? I can't wait!!! Which is it?

00:24 - 00:26 Mr Blizzard President...

00:27 - 00:28 The big announcement...

00:31 - 00:33 ...it is a MOBILE PHONE GAME

00:34 - 00:36 It is a re-skin of a game already made by the outsourced devs

00:53 - 00:58 Anyone who knew that this would be a f*#king stupid idea, please leave.

01:13 - 01:15 WTF lads!!!

01:15 - 01:17 Seriously, WTF were you thinking?

01:18 - 01:23 This is your big announcement?

01:25 - 01:28 A dumbed down version of a game that has been out for 6 years?

01:29 - 01:31 "Don't worry, you will only play it on the toilet"

01:31 - 01:34 100% of our fans play Diablo on PC or console

01:34 - 01:37 The dumbed down version, reduced version was just released on Switch

01:37 - 01:40 People can already play that on the crapper

01:40 - 01:42 "Sir, everyone has a phone they so can easily play this while pooping"

01:42 - 01:46 It will be too tempting for them to flush our IP down the toilet like you have...

01:46 - 01:48 "but people love Diablo and can now play it everywhere"

01:48 - 01:52 Play what? A Diablo game with worse graphics, less depth and microtransactions?

01:53 - 01:54 Every mobile game in history is trash

01:56 - 01:57 If this was another company that made this

01:57 - 02:00 we would sue them for dragging our IP down

02:00 - 02:03 and ruining the experience with touch screen buttons...

02:04 - 02:08 ...and worse graphics and limited gameplay

02:08 - 02:13 and how a mobile knockoff could not compete with a real Diablo game

02:14 - 02:16 We have been teasing our fans for weeks

02:17 - 02:21 and you are going to try and f*ck them over like EA

02:27 - 02:29 They will know you plan sell them gems for real money.

02:30 - 02:34 The game might as well be called 'Diablo Bejeweled'!

02:34 - 02:36 I bet you have to watch an add to 'identify an item'...

02:41 - 02:42 All I want to know is...

02:43 - 02:47 ...is this some kind of out of season April Fool's joke?

02:48 - 02:53 Because literally no one ever has asked for this.

02:54 - 02:56 We haven't made a new game for so long

02:56 - 02:59 and people still talk about Diablo 2 with nostalgia

03:00 - 03:02 and they finally have forgotten about our failed launches and Auction House

03:04 - 03:07 "It's okay. I am sure gems will be free in daily packs"

03:14 - 03:16 So this is what you are going to present to this Blizcon crowd

03:19 - 03:23 A f*#king mobile game

03:25 - 03:26 We will be slaughtered

03:31 - 03:33 And to think I laughed at the 'Artifact' reaction

03:40 - 03:46 I bet in 20 minutes we would kill for that reaction

03:46 - 03:49 It could only be worse if the presenter wore a t-shirt and stuttered his way through it