Earlier this week, we provided some tips for busy parents and how they can cope with the stress and anxiety of the busy back-to-school season, but today I want to talk about the anxiety our children may experience as they ease into the school year.

You may remember back-to-school time fondly from your childhood as I do, ripe with the anticipation of new experiences, new friends and the excitement of autumn. But if you really put yourself back in that place, I bet you remember those end-of-summer nerves too; the uncertainty of what lies ahead (“What if I can’t find my locker? What if I have no one to sit with at lunch?”) as well as the worry once reality sets in (“Will I ever make it through with such tough teachers? How can I get my classmates to like me?”). A brand-new school year can be daunting when you’re young!

School is a drastic shift in routine for kids who’ve grown used to a more relaxed summertime schedule, and it forces them to face a variety of challenges – new classes, the return of homework and tests, pressure to find a place among their peers. These challenges can be even more pronounced for children who are transitioning between elementary to middle school or middle to high school, as well as students who are starting out in a completely new school system. This time of year, it is important to know how to support your children through normal anxiety as they undergo this transition, as well as how to spot signs that there may be a deeper problem.

Be Your Child’s Rock

Kids pick up on their parents’ anxiety, so it’s really important that you are a positive role model. If you’re able to demonstrate a confident and optimistic outlook, it can boost your children’s ability to handle situations confidently as well.

Engaging with your children should be a priority year-round, of course, but during the back-to-school transition, check in with your kids often and try to show some extra support for a couple months. Make an effort to really talk to them and offer an ear to listen. Ask about the challenges they’ve faced so far and what they’re looking forward to.

Encourage them to explore new opportunities, and discuss their goals for the future. Share the obstacles you faced and overcame in your youth. If your child is feeling anxious or fearful, be sure to validate his worries and assure him that what he’s feeling is normal.

Remember: Stay Firm but Flexible

Be careful not to contribute unnecessarily to your children’s stress by making them participate in activities they don’t like, or pushing them to be academically perfect. Mistakes are part of the process of growing up, and it’s important to be flexible as a parent and work with your children’s own strengths and weaknesses. There is a difference between “good” stress that engages and energizes, and “bad” stress, which can lead to anxiety, depression and other help problems — and the line is different for every child. There should be clearly defined rules that you don’t budge on – they have to attend school unless they’re sick, work hard in their classes, and go to bed by a certain time, for example – but also areas where you allow your children to exert their own control, such as letting them choose what to wear to school (within reason), what to eat for lunch, and which activities to participate in. It is healthy and important for children to begin making decisions for themselves – an age-appropriate degree of autonomy contributes to self-confidence, maturity and emotional intelligence.

Practical Steps to Ease Your Child’s Transition

Implement structure. Kids succeed when they have structure in their lives. To cut down on stress, set a consistent routine. This includes a practical bedtime that allows for restorative sleep and plenty of time to get ready for school so that mornings aren’t chaotic.

Focus on nutrition. Make sure your children are well-fed. This doesn’t just mean a full belly and enough calories. A well-balanced, nutrient-dense diet is key to ensuring that your kids have the energy and focus they need to get them through the day. (Check out this interesting and informative interview with dietician Toni Havala about kids, nutrition and the school year, which recently appeared in the Chicago Tribune.)

Create a homework haven. Younger kids, as well as older kids who have trouble focusing, may need a designated homework area that’s free from distractions. While they’re working, check in and offer to review their work, but be careful not to hover — and definitely fight the urge to do any of the work for your children!

Special surprises are nice. If you can, have something nice planned for when your kids get home from school, whether it’s a fun activity or yummy treat. Even aloof teenagers will appreciate coming home to a warm batch of cookies, even if they won’t admit it!

Limit “screen time” after school. In the hours between school and bedtime, kids’ time is best spent getting fresh air, focusing on homework, reading, or otherwise enjoying themselves without TV, cellphones, video and computer games, and the Internet. Too much screen time can amplify behavioral issues and lead to attention problems, impaired academic performance, and trouble sleeping, among other problems.

Recognizing a Serious Problem

It’s completely normal for students of all ages to experience stress as school starts up again. However, if your child hasn’t seemed to adjust within a few weeks to a month, there could be cause for concern.

Your child may be struggling with a more serious anxiety issue if he:

Is particularly upset in the mornings or tries to get out of going to school, perhaps complaining of an ailment that suddenly goes away if he stays home.

Experiences frequent stomach aches not attributed to other causes, which recent research has indicated may be an early warning sign for anxiety in children.

early warning sign for anxiety Is angry, irritable, or has trouble concentrating or doing homework

Shows a change in eating or sleeping patterns, or has frequent nightmares

Withdraws from activities and friends he once enjoyed

“If your child is becoming more upset in the mornings, or refusing to go to school, listen to your child’s specific fears and concerns and then check in with the teacher. The teacher may have some clues about what is hard for your child. And sometimes a child’s fears can look like a lack of cooperation, and a teacher’s response to that can only reinforce the fears. It may be that some good teamwork and sharing of information can help create a sense of safety and continuity for your child and help him over the hurdle,” said Dr. Tamar Chansky, in a Q&A for Psychology Today.

However, talking to your child’s teacher or school officials may just be the beginning of what you’ll need to do to address the situation. If you suspect that your child is experiencing anxiety or stress beyond what could be considered normal back-to-school nerves, schedule an appointment with a professional. The sooner anxiety is caught and dealt with, the better. (For more information, the Anxiety and Depression Association of America offers a great resource on anxiety in children and teens on their website.)

A Note on Bullying

Unfortunately, bullying in schools today has become a more serious problem than ever before – and not only can it cause serious anxiety and depression in kids, but it can be deadly, with bullied children at a heightened risk for suicide.

Bullying happens among all age groups, in private and public schools alike. And with cellphones, laptops, and iPads, the bullying can take place well outside of school hours. In these often frightening times we live in, it’s good for parents to know some of the signs of bullying so that they can recognize them and open a dialog with their children.