Britain has been rude about Germany more or less constantly since 1945. But, by and large, the discourteousness has not been reciprocated. Sure, they were sniffy about our food and our football skills from time to time. Mostly, though, the Germans tried to be our friends. This week, in the run-up to the working lunch between David Cameron and Angela Merkel, the tide looked to be turning.

Volker Kauder started it. The head of Merkel's Christian Democratic Union grouping in parliament gave a speech on Tuesday saying that "all of a sudden, Europe is speaking German", guaranteeing himself a place on the Daily Mail's front page.

Friday's Bild continued the wind-up, proclaiming in bold font that "Europa spricht Deutsch, Herr Cameron!"

Then foreign minister Wolfgang Schäuble suggested the pound might not be long for this world. One day all of Europe will use the same currency, he mused, "and that might happen quicker than some people on the island think".

Another CDU bigshot played the Brits at their own game. He mentioned the war – albeit the one between 1914 and 1918. Michael Meister said Cameron's nationalism was exactly the sort of talk which started the fighting. "A hundred years ago no one wanted to go to war. But governments insisted on banging the nationalist drum," said Meister, "and then were surprised when war broke out."

But when the British prime minister stepped out with the German chancellor in Berlin on Friday there was no trace of this bickering.

The leaders used first names – Dah-veed and Angle-a. "It's obvious we don't agree on every aspect of European policy – Germany has her interests and so does Britain," said a pink-cheeked Cameron. "But as Angela has said, we have a strong relationship and strong links of friendship." Merkel brushed off the differences as "small hiccups here and there".

"Whenever David and I sit down and try to work out our problems we always find a solution," she gushed. The day's talks were "very good discussions between very good friends", she added. She even laughed at his jokes.

But for all the gooey talk, it was clear the two leaders had completely failed to change the other's mind on anything over lunch. They had not reached a consensus on the introduction of a European financial transaction tax, not come to an agreement on treaty change, nor on the idea of boosting the capacity of the euro bailout fund by allowing the European Central Bank to act as a "lender of last resort".

The only concrete thing they said they agreed on – apart from the usual blether about saving the euro being tremendously important and so on – was the one thing nobody has been talking about – the EU budget. "It is not acceptable, as the European Parliament has suggested, for [there to be] some 5% increase at a time when every country in Europe is having to make difficult budget reductions, difficult decisions," said Cameron. "As Angela has said, budget decisions must be linked to the inflation rate." Angela and David: united in everything, except for the issues that really matter.