Every one takes their parents words with a grain of salt. You might say “Okay Dad…. You have no idea what you’re taking about” when in reality he probably does, the truth of the matter is your parents have twenty some odd years on you, which gives them an advantage when it comes to life experiences and a disadvantage when it comes to technology and reality television.

As I have grown up I’ve began picking up on the hidden lessons in the crazy babble. It’s unconventional and yes some of it is plain insane and illogical.

1. On Relationships:

Kickball! That’s what they will start calling you because they just pass you around.

Translation: Relationships are team sports but you don’t want to be the thing being played with

As I mentioned unconventional in nature but none the less getting the point across. No I wasn’t a slut if thats what you’re thinking. But I do have a twin brother and hung around a lot of boys, purely platonically for the most part so I see where the concern was drawn from. The truth of the matter is bottom line, male or female respect yourself.

2. On Appearance & Personal Hygiene:

If you’re going to leave the house looking like that you may as well take your mirror to the homeless shelter it looks like your headed to.

Translation: People have 5 senses, so do you, be mindful of how you project yourself

While looks are not everything, showers are important and no one wants to see your kitty cat pajamas or smell the Chinese food you split on your shirt last night.

3. On Manners:

Keep chewing with you’re mouth open and Ill give the dog your fork and knife and you can have his dog bowl.

Translation: There are certain standards of human behavior, mind them to the best of your ability.

If you want to be a dog be a dog, but it’s on you if “Who Let The Dogs Out” is playing in peoples heads when you walk into the room.

4. On Property Rights:

Unfair? Im sorry is your name on the house note? This isn’t your room this is my room and my door and my door doesn’t like being slammed. So you’ll get it back when you’re mature enough to treat it with some respect.

Translation: Don’t bite the hand that feeds you because you’re not entitled to everything that you think you are.

Me casa es su casa only applies when you’re not being a brat. As goes for everything, treat things given to you with just as much respect as all of the things you have worked for.

5. On Finances:

Want to hear a scary story? Credit card debt.

Translation: Money doesn’t grow on trees.

Freddie Kurgar ain’t got nothing on master card. Proof quicksand is something you can encounter even if you avoid jungles.

Bottom line, no matter how they express it they mean well and are only trying to help. So thank them because even if they are not smarter than you they are wiser than you. Sometimes. Because for every time you have made a questionable hair dying decision they have gotten a perm or a fan out. And every time they say “It was a different time” thats just code for they were young once trying to ignore the rambling of their own parents and they still don’t want to admit they learned something.

So thanks Dad.

Stay in school kids.