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Are your kids gay? They will be if the Archie comics franchise has their way. In 2010, they introduced Kevin Keller, Riverdale’s first openly homosexual resident. In January, Kevin met the love of his life while serving in the United States Army, and as if this weren’t bad enough, the Archie Comics Group has had the same-sex lovebirds marry, in a serviceman’s uniform no less. Worst of all, Toys ‘R’ Us has sold the comic book in its checkout lanes, forcing traditional God-fearing families to broach the issue of bum-sex before they reach the car park.

It’s just the latest example of an long campaign by homosexuals who want turn all our kids gay. Fredric Wertham alerted the nation to the sadomasochistic pederasty of Batman and Robin in his book, Seduction Of The Innocent. More recently, Bill O’Reilly single-handedly saved the reputation of SpongeBob SquarePants from a hostile homosexual takeover. Jerry Falwell exposed the subversive nature of Teletubbies character Tinky Winky and his lavender triangle. Have you heard a gayer name than Tinky Winky? Scooby Doo producers planned to include a lesbian scene in the big screen version and secular progressives circulated a petition demanding a homosexual relationship between America’s beloved Bert and Ernie. There’s no way Statler and Waldorf were not doing it. Two bitchy old men who go to the theater, give me a break! And there are heaps of other gay cartoon characters we haven’t even got to…

But now, one brave group has decided to take a stand. One Million Moms has drawn a line in the sand against Kevin Keller.

It’s been suggested that One Million Moms is just a tent pole organization that actually consists of one angry harridan with a laptop in Tupelo. But haters are going to hate. We tried to confirm the membership details of the group, in a direct on the record interview with the director, but for the last several days she has been unreachable by mobile phone or email. It’s hard to find the time when you’re leading 999,999 other angry moms. What’s more, the Moms boast at least one impressive victory. There are no more Archie gay wedding comics left in Toys ‘R’ Us. (They all sold out.)

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The Moms have never backed down against the radical gay agenda. They previously opposed the wildly successful JC Penney campaign featuring fabled lesbianist Ellen Degeneres. The Moms also fight to remove programming offensive to traditional families, such as Modern Family, by writing emails to advertisers.

Still, there are other issues that require attention. If we’re to be serious about keeping the gays out of our children’s lives, then let’s start with the fashion industry. That’s overrun by homosexuals. Perhaps the Moms might consider boycotting clothes in order to send a message: One Million Naked Christian Moms would get a lot of attention. As it is, parents are tacitly supporting alternative lifestyles every time they buy school clothes. The same goes for the interior design industry—it’s crawling with gays. To think that these people have been designing the inside of your very home, where your children sleep. Perhaps the Moms could call for mandatory gay-testing of all interior décor professionals.

Furthermore, if you’re thinking of taking your child to a Disney musical adaptation, then think again. Homosexuals in musical theater have devised a million subtle ways to push their radical agenda onto your children. They’ve ruined rainbows. And even the word ‘gay’ which used to mean ‘happy’ and not ‘diseased child of Satan’. If Archie comics is serious about family values, they wouldn’t provide a disgusting gay narrative like love and marriage, they’d give us a more wholesome storyline in which the gay character is bullied and hounded by angry shrieking conservatives until he submits to a brutal reorientation program that convinces him that he was born evil and that God hates him until, in a final moment of despair, he takes his own life. You know, a positive message for our kids.

We wish the One Million Moms every success in their mission. The traditional family is the nucleus of American society. The very survival of the nation hinges upon it.



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If we’re serious about keeping gays out of our children’s lives, let’s start with the fashion industry (overrun by homosexuals). Perhaps we should boycott clothes.Nicholas Pell