A ninth-grade teacher at San Benito's Veterans Memorial High School has been replaced for the remainder of the year after her lesson plan went badly awry last Tuesday and her 12-minute rant was filmed by a student and uploaded to YouTube.

Before the teacher was done, she told a roomful of alternately jeering and frightened public school students that Jesus Christ impregnated Mary Magdalene just before his crucifixion. Then she switched to Spanish and over the objections of her students, elaborated at great length on her beliefs.

She told the class that Jesus fell in love with Mary Magdalene when he was 12. They met while he was piloting a boat across the sea. Mary was on the shore, weeping after a bad breakup, the teacher continued, and Jesus saw her and invited her aboard. Mary soon fell in love with Jesus' eyes, and he kissed her. After that, she says, they were seen together at parks and parties, according to a bilingual commenter's line-by-line translation at valleycentral.com.

And there's much, much more...

She said that an army of God was coming to destroy this world on December 21, 2012, but not to worry, because Jesus had created another planet that was more beautiful than this one, a Utopia full of waterfalls where everybody was always 25 years old, where money does not exist, but Christmas does, complete with Santa Claus.

After telling the class that Jesus had written Mary many letters after his death, promising continually to return for her, the teacher then asks the class if they know where Jesus is and if they believe that he will return for Mary. ("Ask him to text me!" one of the kids says in English.)

The teacher ignores that wise-ass remark and tells the class that she is the reincarnated Mary Magdalene. She says that she loves Jesus and that they will be getting married one day and that she will give birth to their child once she gets to heaven. She says that though she has never met Jesus, the two of them spoke daily and he kept her up all night with his conversation.

One of the students claimed to have known the teacher's husband, but the teacher said she knew no husband except for Jesus. She said that heavenly preparations were being made in the Great Beyond for their wedding parties even at that very moment.

And then there was something about volcanoes, God as an extraterrestrial, and an armada of flying saucers including one piloted by the Virgin Mary.

She closes by telling her shocked students that she can perform a miracle right there in front of them. She says that if her students will look deeply into her eyes, they will see that only one was hers, and the other belonged to Jesus. She says that he put his eye in her head so he could be with her always and see what she saw. After two kids tentatively try to take her up on her offer and retreat in fear, the teacher takes off her shoes and repeats the offer. As a brave girl starts to approach her, the teacher walks over to a stereo and plays some truly weird music.

"I never had a possessed teacher before," one of the students says, in English.

Meanwhile, some other students slipped out of the room to get help. And finally, after more than ten minutes, the help came, and she was silenced and taken from the classroom.

After the video hit the Web, San Benito school superintendent Antonio Limon told the Brownsville Herald that the teacher had a bad reaction to her medications, and San Benito ISD released a statement claiming that the incident is "under review." The statement went on to say that a replacement teacher has been hired for the last few weeks of the year. Claiming that the incident was a "personnel matter," the district declined to name the woman or release any more details.

According to the San Benito News, the same educator, a former San Benito ISD Teacher of the Year, was at the center of a similar outburst last December.

Incidentally, the News is not buying the medications alibi. As their reporter wrote two days ago:

Although the incident was initially attributed to a bad reaction to medication by a trusted source involved in the matter, [the teacher] displayed similar behavior when asked why she had made such comments. "Because it's true," she replied. Once clear she was not fit to conduct an interview, the News asked her husband [Hair Balls Note: the earthly one, not Jesus Christ] to speak on her behalf. He said, "I feel that my wife does care a lot about her students, and she loves working in San Benito. There's really nothing else to say except to please respect my family's privacy."

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