Scott Mann, who is a Conservative Member of Parliament who represents North Cornwall, UK in the House of Commons has an idea on how to finally stop knife crime: GPS trackers in “every knife sold,” with an exception for fishing, of course:

Every knife sold in the UK should have a gps tracker fitted in the handle. It’s time we had a national database like we do with guns. If you’re carrying it around you had better have a bloody good explanation, obvious exemptions for fishing etc. — Scott Mann (@scottmann4NC) March 14, 2019

No, apparently it’s not a parody:

Pretty much:

You suck so much https://t.co/E2fdgJsH5t — Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) March 14, 2019

And how exactly would this work once a knife crime was committed?

"There's been a stabbing"

"Quick, get me the GPS tracking for every knife in a 3 mile radius"

"OK, it says there are 120,000 of them, mostly in kitchens"

"Bollocks, thought we had them then"

"Could ask those young lads with the machete"

"Nah, they've got a mackerel, been fishing" — Mike McKinley (@MikeMckinley) March 14, 2019

This is the future they want:

Not to mention the cost of this future:

Yeah, it’ll be great when buying cutlery costs £800 a set because some dweeb wants them to include a sat nav in the handle. Fix up immediately. — Be Well (@SkipperAFC) March 14, 2019

Or maybe just put a chip in the really dangerous knives:

Maybe just limit it to semiautomatic assault knives — Christopher Ingraham (@_cingraham) March 14, 2019

Next step:

Hear me out, Scott; listening devices on screwdrivers. — Jonny Sharples (@JonnyGabriel) March 14, 2019

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