I am done. Just… done.

Like, so fucking done.

With everything. And everyone.

…Well, almost everyone.

I’m just still so mad at Dev. I can’t believe him… And I can’t believe Rylie basically backed him up! She didn’t say anything to try and defend Erik!

A “junkie”? Seriously?! It’s like they don’t even know him at all! He’s not some pathetic crackhead loser. In all the time we’ve been together, I’ve never even seen him actually do anything… not even one line! So he can’t be doing it THAT much, can he? Just enough to get by.

He doesn’t let the drugs control his life. That’s not him. They know it isn’t. He’s just… Erik.

And all that other shit he said too… That Erik’s dangerous, or that he loves the drugs more than me… Devin’s just jealous! I know he is. He’s been jealous ever since New Years Eve.

He promised me nothing was gonna change between us if I didn’t pick him. He told me we’d still be friends. But instead he’s being all jealous and petty and I just hate it! And Rylie’s just going along with it.

If there’s anyone who I thought would understand, it was the two of them. They’re supposed to be my best friends. They’re supposed to be happy for me and support me. They shouldn’t be judging me… Or the guy I love either.

It really hurt Erik so much to hear them say that shit about him. I was a total wreck the second they walked out the door, and he almost looked like he was gonna cry too. I hated seeing him like that. He was so sad and embarrassed.

“Maybe they’re right. You deserve so much better than this.” He kept saying it again and again all night.

It was the shittiest timing ever… His crash really started hitting him right after Rylie and Devin left. He got a headache and started feeling so tired… And this just made it even worse.

It seems like it took forever for me to convince him that it’s not true. Devin’s just jealous, and Rylie doesn’t understand. He’s not a junkie and he’s not dangerous. And I love him more than anything.

I hope he believed me. We stayed up together for a little while, not really saying too much, I guess. We tried watching some TV, but I don’t think either of us was really paying too much attention.

Then when it was time for me to go, he just gave me a kiss on the cheek and headed to bed. And I went down to the corner to catch the last bus back home.

I just wish I could help him. I wish I could make it so he doesn’t need the drugs anymore.

And I wish I could help him have some around for when he does need them.

I thought I’d have another paycheck by now… And a raise too. I thought I could have given him some cash and helped him get a few more grams from Simon. But thanks to that bitch Nyla, now I don’t even have a job anymore. I’m completely broke!

Things should be better soon though.

I told my parents the other night that I quit my job at the drugstore. I made up some bogus excuse about being bored with it and not getting along with Nyla (hey, that’s not a TOTAL lie, right?)

And then I asked Papa about maybe working down at his restaurant instead.

He was a little surprised, I think. He had to think about it for a while. But I finally talked him into it. He even says I can probably get started next week!

I just hope he’s not thinking this will turn into some weird father-daughter bonding thing… Totally not gonna happen. But I’m not about to tell him that though… I need to stay on his and mom’s good side right now. Especially if he’s gonna be my boss soon.

And it’ll definitely help with the move coming up.

I’m doing what Erik said — I’m not gonna tell my parents about it yet. I figure I’ll keep buttering them up a little for the next couple weeks before I let them know what I’m gonna do. Hopefully that’ll make it a little easier for them to swallow… I’m not sure I can handle another screaming match with them.

I just wanna keep the peace long enough to get the hell out of here and not have to worry about any of this anymore, y’know?

My final exams start next week, and once I’m done with those, I’ll be free.

It’ll just be me and Erik… The two of us against the world.

Okay, that’s so fucking cheesy. But… it’s true.

I still love my parents, as much as they annoy the shit out of me. I don’t really LIKE them, but I do love them. I love my Oma too — she’s probably the most reasonable person in my whole family (well, her and Tante Clara). I even love Rylie and Devin, even though I’m super pissed at them right now.

I love them all.

But I can’t trust any of them anymore. I just can’t.

They all keep turning on me. And I’m so tired of it!

But I won’t have to worry about any of them too much longer. I mean, I guess I’ll have to deal with Papa at work… But at least I won’t have to live with him or mom anymore. They’ll still live with Oma out on the edge of the city. Rylie and her sister will be off exploring the world together. Dev will be up in Falkenburg for art school…

And I’ll be away from all of them — living in that cozy little apartment downtown with the love of my life.