Arshid Malik

It was always hard to cope with, the incessant angst that enveloped my soul as I lurched forward in the darkness of a putrid future here in Kashmir. The angst generated from inside my soul for the people who stood terrorized and subjugated at the hands of oppressors across the world. Everyday news kept pouring in about scores of people murdered in cold blood, people left ravaged with their home and hearth brought down to ashes, women exploited and terrorized by beasts of men, children driven to sickness and malnutrition and eventual death by a capitalistic regime that knew no boundaries when it came to earning at the cost of the lives of innocent and poor people. I shuddered at the very thought of some innocent person being terrorized by the powerful and always wished I could do something for these poor people, but the evident truth that looked me in the face was that there was little I could do except cry deep inside, and cry I did. I absorbed the pain that my fellow human beings were subjected to day in and day out. And this absorption of pain and angst deep into my very being clenched my soul dry. I began walking around like the living dead; there was hardly any trace of life inside of me. This phenomenon was slowly pulling at the tags of my life which I guess was nearing an end because I could not take it anymore; yes, I could not stand a mute spectator to the miseries inflicted upon people by savages and brutes dressed in uniforms and three-piece suits.

It was later in life that I learned that I was actually an empath. For those of you who are not familiar with the term and yet identify with how I have described an earlier me, an empath is a person who simply feels the pain of other people like the very way he or she feels his or her own pain. Empaths are born, and they’re born unskilled and are generally very understanding of others and their positions, and often times will ask questions rather than make snap judgments, or intuitively seem to ‘know’ there is more to a story than what meets the eye. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. A more technical definition of an empath implies a person who can psychically tune in to the emotional experience of a person, place or animal. In the paranormal and in some works of science fiction and fantasy, highly developed empathy is a psychic ability to sense the emotions of others and often highly aware of the health and state of mind of their loved ones, no matter how physically near or far away the individuals may be. A study of empaths and their characteristic behaviour and attitude cites that most empaths are often in the dark about their innate gifts while more developed ones are psychics who can walk the extent of aiding the solving of heinous crimes. I personally neither identify nor maybe classified as an empath of the other “technical sort” even though I have experienced such abilities and events in my past life. My belief is that empaths are generally able to take upon themselves the pain they find someone encountering and in the manner rid the inflicted person of some or all of the pain being executed. In the least I was one such person. But the absorption of pain dried me up over the years and I also realized that the ones who were close to me somehow exploited me for my characteristic qualities of being an empath since I myself wasn’t exactly sure who and what I was. I must confess that being an empath was a very difficult task and it burdened me with what I call the “sorrows of the world” known to me. I decided to change when I felt completely drained and helpless and since the whole affair felt quite pointless since I was not in know of my tendencies and more so because I didn’t know there were other like me out there. I decided to move on away from all the pain for I could foresee myself collapsing into oblivion. That was quite someday which I surely do not recall.

I stopped being what I now know is called an “empath”. I stopped attuning myself with the miseries of people across the world. I felt happier. I felt calm and relieved. But at the very same time as if I had cheated my people. I felt I had laid down the honour of all those people who could have some way or the other benefited by my just being there. But I guess there was nothing I could do about it since I had to live my life as well, or rather what was left of it.

Now I am engrossed in the business of life, conducting the barter if emotions, the give and take of everyday life.

Away from all my anecdotal musings, I have come to figure that empaths are not special beings. Empaths are a set of human beings who did not evolve. By which I mean to say that elementarily all human beings were empaths. They cared for one another and shared each other’s pain. I am talking of man at the very onset of civilization. Yes, human beings were attuned to their surroundings and responded to the pain and angst of fellow humans, animals and plants alike. It was meant to be that way. With the advent of civilization humans got engaged what I call the “business of life” and started caring less and less about what all became of those living around them. This is the seed of civilization and had this seed not sprouted we may not have seen the progress of mankind that is so significant of it over hundreds of thousands of years. So, I guess I was still bearing the qualities and traits of early historic humans and eventually merged into the ways of the world. Should I say that I evolved? Not sure… What I am sure about though is the belief that from being an empath I might have eventually treaded the path to turning into a “psychopath” for that is what human beings these days should be categorized as.