Author's Note: So apparently a lot of people didn't get the second song parody last chapter, which is, err, probably my fault for suddenly using a non-Disney song. Sorry about that. Also, you need to stop whatever you're doing right now and go watch Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (And don't worry, I'll include a list of all the songs being parodied at the end of the fanfic).

Staff and partygoers alike watched in stunned silence as the gorgeous queen of Arendelle and the adorable princess of Corona charged, shrieking their heads off and attempting to cave each other's skulls in with frying pans.

"Hold still, you hiemal homewrecker!" screamed Rapunzel, swinging with all her might.

"He doesn't want you, you bleached-blonde bimbo!" Elsa spat back, narrowly ducking the pan's flat end.

The crowd held its breath as Rapunzel dodged the ice-pan by a hair. About the only people not transfixed by the spectacle were Prince Eugene, who was face-down on the carpet seeing stars, Fritz, who was sobbing softly in the corner of the ballroom, and Olaf, whose head had fallen into the glögg punchbowl.

"Yer... Yer mah besht friend, Shven..." Olaf's body gave the reindeer a big hug, then toppled over.

"You don't deserve him!" Back in the heat of the combat, Elsa took another swipe with her icy frying pan. It struck Rapunzel's with a clang, but the ice proved surprisingly sturdy. "You're just some pampered rich girl! I spent my life locked away from the world because of my magic!"

"I was literally just about to say that!" Rapunzel took another swing-

"Stop, stop!" -only to find a fellow princess grabbing her arm.

"Both of you, cut it out before someone gets hurt!" While Anna restrained Rapunzel, Kristoff did likewise for Elsa.

Rapunzel scowled, effortlessly breaking free of Anna's grasp. "Your sister put some kind of spell on my husband!"

"Elsa would never do that," Anna said firmly. "Besides, she's got ice-magic, not, like, love-magic."

"She's just as much a victim here as he is," added Kristoff.

"I'm not the victim of anything!" said Elsa, struggling against him frantically. "Anything but a victim of LOVE! Let me go!"

"Are you even listening to yourself, Elsa?" Anna turned towards her, concern crossing her face. "You sound like a complete nutjob."

It was at this point that Elsa started singing. "Let me go, let me go! Have to attack this cheap- MMPH MMPH MMPH!" Fortunately, Kristoff clamped his hand over her mouth in the nick of time.

Rapunzel lowered her frying pan, her eyes widening. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I- I didn't think-"

"Hey, it's okay." Anna patted her shoulder. "I'd have done the same thing if I was you." She gave a feeble smile. "So, uh, where'd that frying pan come from, anyways?"

"Oh, I keep it on me at all times," said Rapunzel. "For self-defense."

"That's the best idea I've ever heard!"

"I know, right?"

"Girls, girls, let's try to stay on track here. I think I know what's going on." Kristoff caught the attention of the crowd, cleared his throat, and announced, "Somebody slipped the queen a love potion!"

A collective gasp crossed the ballroom.

"Whaaaaat? A love potion?" Fritz brought a palm to his chest. "Come on, now. Are- Are you sure? I mean, maybe they just had too much to drink?"

"I'm positive," said Kristoff. "This is just like what happened at Cliff and Bulda's wedding. She nearly married Uncle Geode..."

"But why would somebody do such a thing?" asked Kai, stepping forward. "To start a war between Arendelle and Corona?"

Elsa freed her mouth. "Any war is just when it's fought for TRUE L- MMPH MMPH MMPH!"

"Oh, I definitely know who the culprit is. No doubt about it." Had Kristoff been the more observant type, he might have noticed Fritz turn white as a sheet. "It was Mossy!"

"M-M-Mossy?" repeated Fritz. "Who's that? I've never heard of that person before in my life."

"He's nobody," said Kristoff, a note of bitterness in his voice. "Just the slimiest troll in Arendelle. When Grand Pabbie rejected him as an apprentice, Mossy taught himself how to brew potions, then used them to screw with people's love lives. And messing with love is a big no-no for trolls, so he got himself banished." He paused, then added, "Also, not to be mean, but the guy's really, really disgusting. He's got just the worst hygiene, and I mean by troll standards."

"Okay, but I don't see any trolls around here..." Anna peered around the ballroom, but there was nobody present but humans (plus the odd snowman and reindeer). She turned to the guards stationed at the entrance doors. "Did you see anyone come in or out? Specifically, like, a troll, or possibly a big rock?"

"No, ma'am," said the guard, bowing slightly.

"Hmm..." Anna frowned. "And the royal food taster's not making goo-goo eyes at Prince Eugene, is he?"

"Well, not because of the potion, no..."

"Aha!" Anna pointed a triumphant finger into the air. "That means Elsa had to have drunk the potion after the ball already started, which means someone in this room is Mossy's accomplice!"

"Are- Are you sure?" Fritz said through chattering teeth. "Who knows? Maybe he – or she – slipped out during the chaos? They could be anywhere in the castle. Anywhere on the planet, really."

Anna ignored him, turning back to the guards. "Nobody's allowed in or out of the ballroom until we get to the bottom of this. And I'm in charge for now since Elsa's, err... not herself at the moment."

"What are you talking about?" Elsa once again wormed free of Kristoff's grasp. "I feel perfectly fine!" He tried to restrain her, but she fought back harder than ever. "You can't manhandle me! I'm the queen! Guards! Guards!"

"Elsa, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to keep you from- Agh!" Kristoff ducked an elbow to the face. "I'm trying to keep you from kissing that prince. It'd make the spell permanent!"

"What?" Anna, Rapunzel, and Fritz all spun towards him in horror.

"It'd be, like, a corrupted true love's kiss or something," Kristoff said hurriedly. "That's why the trolls made tampering with love magic illegal. It can mess up people's relationships for good."

"Well, then, we've gotta fix this fast!" Rapunzel hurried to her husband's side, cradling him in her arms. "How do you break the spell?"

"I... I don't remember. I was just a little kid last time." Kristoff strained his forehead. "I think a real true love's kiss would fix it."

"Great!" Rapunzel gave her husband a shake. "Eugene, wake up!"

"Ugh..." His lids opened halfway. "Wuh...?"

"It's kiss time!" Rapunzel puckered up and leaned in.

Wham.

But at the last second, she was blown back by a gust of freezing wind.

"Hey, what the-?"

"You stay away from MY MAN!" Elsa stepped between them, her hands crackling with magic. A fence of icicles sprouted around Rapunzel, matching the one already surrounding Kristoff.

"Thank you, my love!" Eugene sprang to his feet. "You've saved me from that evil witch!"

"Yes, Flynn," said Elsa, gliding towards him. "Now quickly, kiss me so our love will last forever!"

"Yes, of course!" Eugene shut his eyes, moving his face closes to hers-

"Nooooooooo!" -only to find his path blocked by Anna.

"Get out of the way, Anna!" said Elsa through gritted teeth. "He's miiiiiiiiiine."

"I know, I know!" Anna said frantically. "But you can't kiss him yet!"

Elsa raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Because, uh, because you're not married to him. It'd look bad for your image as queen."

"You're not married to Kristoff, and you've done a lot worse with him," said Elsa.

Every last eye in the ballroom fell on Anna. Specifically, on her bright red ears.

Anna let out an anxious laugh. "Wow, the love potion's making Elsa say such crazy untrue stuff, am I right? Ha ha... ha..." She turned back to Elsa. "Okay, but why wait? You love Eugene, right?"

"Flynn."

"Whatever. The point is, why not go ahead and get married right now? And, y'know, it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, so you two are gonna have to stay away from each other for a while..."

Elsa stared at her.

"What?"

"I can't marry a man I just met," Elsa said plainly, like Anna was an idiot.

"Oh, come on!" Anna threw her hands in the air. "You've been brainwashed by a love potion! That rule doesn't apply anymore!"

"Besides," added Rapunzel, scowling at Elsa through the icicles of her cage, "it's not like that'd be much worse than, I don't know, adultery."

"That's a good point..." Elsa pondered this. "You know what? You're right." She turned to the crowd and said in a booming voice, "I've made up my mind! We're having a royal wedding today!"

"That's great!" Anna grinned, half from fake-cheer, half from genuine relief. "Now why don't we take Eugene to a guest bedroom so he can lie down? He's, uh, probably got a concussion..." The guards obediently carried Eugene off. "Okay, now you run off to your room and get to work on your wedding dress. I'll be with you in a second."

"Alright, Anna. This is going to be the best wedding ever!" And with that, Elsa ran out the ballroom.

Now that the two lovebirds were safely separated, the rest of the ballroom sighed in relief. A couple servants got to work helping Kristoff and Rapunzel climb over the icicles.

"I'll go get Grand Pabbie." As soon as he was free, Kristoff went over to Sven – who'd been hanging out at a large region of the banquet table that served nothing but carrots. "He knows how this potion stuff works better than me."

"Great. And now you can go kiss your husband while Elsa's distracted." Anna took Rapunzel's arm and led her to the door.

"But- But he's not gonna want to kiss me back, is he?" said Rapunzel, her brow wilting.

"Sure he will." Anna gave a devious smile. "You've just gotta use your feminine wiles on him."

"Gosh... I've never seduced someone before..."

"You'll do fine." Just before heading out the door herself, Anna glanced back at the ballroom. "Hey, Fritz?"

"I didn't do it- I mean-" Fritz cleared his throat. "Yes, Your Highness?"

"Come with me," said Anna. "You're used to guarding Elsa, right? Well, this time you need to guard her from herself. Make sure she stays super far away from Prince Eugene."

"Yeah... Okay..." Fritz reluctantly slinked towards her.

"And don't forget-" Anna looked back at the guards. "-no one else leaves this ballroom until we get a confession from the perp. Whoever it is, I'm not resting until they're behind bars."

"Behind bars?" Fritz brought his nails to his mouth. "Don't you think they, uh, deserve a lighter sentence?"

Anna gave him a look. "Fritz, whoever did this needs to punished. I mean, tricking someone into falling in love just to further your own agenda? That's, like, the absolute worst thing you can do to anyone."

"Yeah... You're right." As he spoke, Fritz's eyes drifted to his feet. "They're a horrible person."

"Nngh..." Eugene rolled over under the bedcovers. Yes, being wacked in the noggin with a frying pan hurt, but the true pain was being separated from the one he loved most. Every moment he spent without his beloved Elsa was simply not a moment worth-

"Oh, Eugene..." said a singsong voice from the doorway. The door creaked open to reveal a brunette girl giving him a crooked smile. Her pretty pink dress had slipped off at the shoulder.

"No!" Eugene snarled, stumbling backwards against the bedpost. "Stay away, vile temptress! I have eyes only for the queen!"

"Are you suuuuure?" Rapunzel batted her eyelashes. "Can't you just forget about her for a little bit? She never has to find out about this..."

Eugene folded his arms. "My love for her is absolute."

Rapunzel giggled. "Yeah, well, I'm your wife. I know things about you Elsa doesn't..." She knelt down, kicked off her heel, and then slooooooooowly removed her stocking. Her bare toes wiggled enticingly.

"No!" Eugene gasped, clutching his hands over his heart. "She's found my weakness!"

"How's this one?" Elsa twirled around, showing off a wedding dress magically woven from the kind of snow that was so pure and so white, it hurt Fritz's eyes to look at.

"It's good," said Anna, "but is it good enough for your wedding? I don't think so."

"You're right. It needs more frills!" Elsa ran back into her bedroom, leaving Anna and Fritz out in the halls.

"How much longer do you think we can stall her?" asked Fritz.

"I don't know," frowned Anna. "I just hope it's long enough for Rapunzel to get that kiss in..." For a moment, the hallway was silent, save for the faint ticking of a grandfather clock. Then, Anna sighed and said, "I can't figure out why the heck anyone would do this. What's there to gain from setting Arendelle and Corona against each other? Is it to ruin Elsa's reputation? To humiliate her? Or maybe they just REALLY ship Elsa and Eugene?"

"Well..." Fritz glanced away, then muttered, "Maybe the potion was meant for someone el-?"

Thump.

"What was that?" Anna burst the bedroom door to find Elsa's window wide open. "Oh, that can't be good..." Right outside was a walkway of ice extending around the rim of the castle, leading all the way to the window of a certain guest bedroom.

"I'm sorry!" And, of course, bolting across the walkway was none other than Elsa. She glanced back at Anna, a crazed gleam in her eyes. "I can't hold back any longer! I have to have him now!"

"Fritz, after her!" Before he could protest, Fritz was hurled onto the walkway and dragged along by a frantic Anna.

No big deal, no big deal. Fritz just had to run as fast as he could... across a platform of slippery ice... several feet above the cold, hard ground below. Simple.

"This is so wrong," Eugene said in a hushed voice, "and yet so right!"

"Shh..." Rapunzel crawled closer over the covers, drawing her lips towards his as she shut her eyes. "I know you still love me. No stupid potion can change that. C'mon, don't you remember?"

A gentle, soothing tune began to play as she sang in a soft, delicate voice:

"And at last I see the light,

And it's like the fog has-"

Slam.

The window burst open, releasing a torrent of icy wind that sent Rapunzel hurtling off the bed.

"Agh! Hey-" Before she could so much as flinch, she was frozen to the carpet by her wrists.

"Queen Elsa!" Eugene sprang to his feet, hurriedly smoothing his hair. "I was being completely faithful to you, honest!"

"No more games, my love." Elsa pulled herself through the window and deposited herself on the carpet. She walked towards him, her hips swaying with every step. "I want you now."

"She went in the window!" Fritz yelped. He and Anna were traversing the walkway as fast as they could, but every step nearly sent them plummeting. "We're out of time!"

"No we're not!" Anna pulled herself back to her feet, clenching her fists. "Couples never kiss until after their big romantic musical number. It's like a law or something. That should buy us a few more minutes."

"Kiss me too fiercely.

Hold me too tight."

Elsa sprawled herself across the covers, pinning down a shivering Eugene.

"I need help believing,

You're with me tonight."

"Almost there, almost there!" Anna and Fritz were mere inches from the window. "C'mon, c'mon..."

The music was swelling. That meant they only had seconds left... With no other choice, they dived for it.

"And if it turns out,

It's over too fast,

I'll make every last moment last.

As long as you're mine..."

Suddenly, Elsa drew back.

"What is it?" asked Eugene.

Elsa glanced away. "It's just, for the first time, I feel..." She leaned in again, then whispered, "frozen."

"What does that mean?" Eugene whispered back.

"It means my body temperature drops when I'm aroused," said Elsa. "That's part of the reason I didn't want a partner before I met you. I'm about to freeze the spit to the inside of your mouth. Just thought I should warn you."

"Oh." Eugene stared at her for a second. "Y'know what? Maybe we're rushing into things too-"

"You're mine and I'm having you NOW!"

"RAPUNZEL! RAPUNZEL, HELP!"

"Eugene!" Rapunzel struggled with all her might against her icy restraints, but it was no good. She could only watch helplessly as Elsa's mouth drew in closer... and closer...

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

At the last possible moment, Anna came barreling through the window with Fritz in her arms. She punted him, sending Fritz hurtling towards the bed. With a crash, Elsa hit the carpet, followed by Fritz. The two of them formed a writhing ball of clothes and hair and skin until, finally, their bodies untangled from each other... save for their lips, which had ended up glued together.

"Gah!" Fritz promptly unglued himself, horror on his face. "I'm so sorry, Your Majesty! I didn't want to kiss you like that! We- We were running out of ideas! We were desperate-"

"Nngh..." Elsa clutched her head. "What was I doing...?" It hit her all at once. "What was I doing?" Fritz jumped off her so she could pull herself to her feet. "Princess Rapunzel, Prince Eugene, you have my deepest, deepest apologies! I- I don't know what came over me-" Blushing, she waved her arms, unfreezing the ice over Rapunzel's wrists.

The instant she was freed, Rapunzel sprang to her feet and smushed her face against Eugene's. Then she pulled back and asked, "How do you feel?"

Eugene gave a wry smile. "Like the time I snuck some of Mother Maria's secret stash and then woke up on the orphanage steps the next day with a live chicken on my chest."

Rapunzel beamed. "That's the Eugene I know and love." She pecked his cheek.

"What... What happened, exactly?" asked a dazed Elsa.

"It's okay," said Anna as she straightened Elsa's wedding dress, which had become... dislodged, somewhat. "Some jerk just slipped you and Eugene a love potion, that's all."

"What?" Elsa blinked in surprise, then burst out laughing. "Are you serious? I almost got with- with him?"

"Yeah." Anna laughed a bit, too. "Crazy, right?"

"What on earth was I thinking?" As she spoke, Elsa moved across the bedroom... "Why would I ever want someone else's husband-" ...and grabbed Fritz's arm. "-when the most gorgeous hunk of man meat on the planet is standing right here?"

Fritz squealed in equal parts delight and horror as her lips locked with his.