Tamra Judge opens up about her emotional baptism and the status of her relationship with Vicki Gunvalson.

I am so excited to share yet another amazing moment in my life. The eight years I have been on the RHOC I've had my ups and downs and you guys have been there to see most of them. Getting baptized was something I did not think would ever happen on the RHOC. When I was talking to Katie about going to church and wanting to be baptized I had no intentions of doing it on camera. It was something that I kept very private and shared with few people. Katie is a very open Christian and I found it very easy to talk to her about my new relationship with the Lord. I would have never been able to open up about it to any of the other girls. Not that they wouldn't be supportive, but personally I would have felt uncomfortable bringing it up at that time. After meeting several times with Pastor Mike and talking to him about getting baptized, he recommended that I show everyone in hopes to inspire others. So that is how I made my decision to film it. I knew I would get backlash and judged, but it didn't really bother me too much. I knew in my heart that I was doing what was right for me and I hoped that I could inspire others, it's never too late to let Jesus into your life.

I am NOT saying that I am perfect or even close but now I feel that I have strength within me and comfort in my heart. My journey still continues and I am learning new things every day.

I want to say thank you Pastor Mike (aka Pasture Mike) from Mission Viejo Christian Church. You are an amazing man. You have not only helped me out, but so many others out there searching.

Having all my friends there was a beautiful experience and I thank every one of you for your support. They were not able to show my whole speech so I wanted to share it with you.

"Everybody has a story about how they came to Christ and I want to share a little of mine.

As most of you know last year was the hardest year of my life.

One day this sweet beautiful woman named Maureen walked into CUT fitness and asked me, "I know you're hurting and I'm praying for you, would you go to church with me?"

I didn't think twice, I just said YES please! At this point I'll try anything.

And that is when everything changed for me. That first Sunday at church I held back the tears and knew God was talking to me! I wanted to go back and I did! I started feeling God's presence and thinking about "What would God do?" when dealing with day to day decisions. I was getting softer as a person, I was feeling emotions I had never felt before. I was reading the bible.

Suddenly I got scared and thought OMG I'm a Jesus freak! What are my friends and family going to think? So I kept my feelings to myself.

But after a while I realized that I was feeling something that I had always needed in my life.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. If I didn't go through that bad time I would not be here right now accepting Jesus into my life.

So to that person that put me through that pain,

I thank you.

I forgive you.

And I pray for you.

Today I'm getting baptized because I accept Jesus as my savior. I admit that I have sinned and I'm asking for forgiveness, I know God has a plan for me and I can't freaking wait to see what it is.

I am not perfect and I know I will mess up from time to time, but I'm happy to say that what was once

"MY MESS" has become "MY MESSAGE.""

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Now let's move on to "Satan's work" as Vicki put it.

I was happy that Vicki showed up, but a little disappointed that she wanted to run out the door and wouldn't really socialize with anyone. As you witnessed, Meghan even tried to bring Vicki into the group conversation. All the ladies told me they had no intention of bringing up Brooks, everyone was OVER IT! It was Billy (Vicki's brother) that brought up Brooks, then it became a topic of conversation that got ugly fast. I can't help but think that Vicki put her brother and his girlfriend up it, so they could fight her battles. Kinda like what she did with me by showing me the CT scan.

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When Rhonda brought up David's affair that was a LOW BLOW. Clearly she heard it from Vicki and knew it would get Shannon upset. All season we listen to Vicki claiming that Shannon was NOT a good friend, which none of us could understand. Shannon was the LAST one to think that Brooks was lying and never really said anything more than "why didn't he go to my doctor?" and "why didn't they show her his scan?" Which are normal questions...right?

Vicki claims that she is most hurt by Shannon because she was closest to Shannon. Hmmm, so why did Vicki choose me to look at Brooks' scan? Oh that's right because..."Tamra is closest to me" (her words), which one is it Vicki?

I'm starting to think that Vicki just says what's good at the moment. So many contradictions!

So let's get one thing straight, all season long Vicki knew about David's affair because Shannon confirmed it to her. The rest of the ladies heard rumors BUT NO ONE KNEW FOR SURE. It wasn't until right before my Baptism that Shannon told Heather and me. So I found it weird that Vicki said she told Rhonda because Shannon was telling people. That is simply not true. I didn't tell Vicki that I knew until after the night of my baptism when she called me to talk about what happened.

By the time of my baptism no one cared if Brooks was lying about cancer or not. What was on everyone's mind was, "If Brooks is lying then Vicki knows and our friend Vicki is lying to us." IT WASN'T ABOUT BROOKS ANYMORE, IT WAS ABOUT VICKI!

Now I have so many mixed feelings about this.

I have kept it NO secret that I did NOT like Brooks, he's been caught in so many lies and I never trusted him. Most of her own family didn't trust him. One thing that I have is good intuition and I can read someone like a book, just ask my husband and Heather. I have also learned that you can't force someone to see what you see, it will happen in due time. The more you try to expose someone for their lies the more you look bad (take note Meghan). So I told Vicki that I would accept the fact that they were together and if she was happy, I was happy for her. So, I gave up the fight.

What really upsets me is that Vicki made it her job the past three years to try to make ME out to be the bad guy because I didn't trust Brooks. She warned every new Housewife to watch out for me and that I was a backstabber and a bad friend. After being warned the ladies would ask me why I didn't like Brooks and I would simple say "I think there is someone better for her", I am NOT a backstabber and I always look out for my friends. In the past if I knew you were lying or a fake I would expose you like a bad pair of shoes. Now a days I have learned that the truth always comes out and it's not my job to prove it.

As far as I am concerned I am not the backstabber or the bad friend Vicki, YOU ARE! There is nothing worse than covering for a man that is lying about something as serious as cancer and especially to the extent it was taken too. I know you guys didn't hear all the inconsistent stories that we heard, but you did get to hear this doozy: "Brooks was so sick after chemo that Vicki called Terry Dubrow and he sent over a doctor to administer an IV." She told that to Briana and to Shannon back in October before we even started filming. So does that mean Vicki knew Brooks was lying about having cancer before we even started filming? Are they both in on it? You will have to wait until the three-part reunion for those answers.

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I think the worst part is Vicki tossed her own daughter under the bus and called her a sh** stirrer for a lie Vicki clearly told.

All year I was there to support Vicki, even though I thought in the back of mind something didn't add up. I constantly called and texted checking up on her, even following the filming of the reunion a few weeks ago. But after everything that’'s happened and hearing her say on WWHL Monday night that "none of us were there for her" for the second time, I have decided to cut Vicki from my life. I just can't do this anymore, it's emotionally exhausting and I don't trust her. All I wanted was to be there for her and everyone in my life warned me (even my husband) that Vicki is out for one person and one person only and that is...VICKI GUNVALSON!

I wish her a blessed life, I just don't choose to be in her life right now.

Tamra Judge

http://www.cutfitoc.com