It’s nearly Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer, which also means the unofficial beginning of fall, the time of year when we all officially get to don our crisp navy blazers and hoist our leather book straps and head back to school. No? You’ve started school already, and no one uses book straps anymore, and by the way it’s still 95 degrees outside? Okay, well, while most of us probably don’t live in a collegiate fantasy, many of us are either going back to school in the coming weeks or feeling nostalgic about same, and to that end, it’s the perfect time of year to pick up a good campus novel. But which one? So glad you asked, because like the A+ student that I am (apple, anyone?), I have all the answers. Note that though they are often left off traditional lists of campus novels, I’ve included a few novels set in boarding schools and graduate schools, because they have the same tenor as the usual variety, and because I like them, and because not everyone is in college yet.

If you describe yourself as an “everyman” and/or habitually tell amusing stories involving you and your boss:

Kingsley Amis, Lucky Jim

If your version of back-to-school is returning to a long, drawn-out PhD program that you’ve never really left and might never escape:

Weike Wang, Chemistry

If you secretly long to join a cult, but find you’re a bit too intellectual to really go for it:

Donna Tartt, The Secret History

If you crush at Settlers and want to take it to the next level:

Christopher J. Yates, Black Chalk

If you lost something on the way here:

Vladimir Nabokov, Pnin

If this is the year you’re definitely going to fall in love (though you could be swayed as to whether the object of your affection need still be alive):

A. S. Byatt, Possession

If this is the year you’re going to start that novel/finish that novel/get into that MFA program/start that MFA program:

Michael Chabon, Wonder Boys

If any of the above is true, and also you’re going to Iowa:

Lan Samantha Chang, All Is Forgotten, Nothing Is Lost

If this is the year you’re going to have an affair, but you refuse to be basic about it:

Susan Choi, My Education

If this is the year you’re going to lose your virginity (or at least gossip about the people who do):

Pamela Erens, The Virgins

If you’re tired of your real (read: human) friends:

Richard Powers, Galatea 2.2

If you’re really only willing to put up with college for a couple pages months before moving on to something much more exciting harrowing:

J.M. Coetzee, Disgrace

If you have a fraught relationship with your mentor (or want one):

Heidi Julavits, The Vanishers

If all you’d really like to do is read thinly veiled descriptions of David Foster Wallace:

Jeffrey Eugenides, The Marriage Plot

If you constantly find yourself wanting more:

Elif Batuman, The Idiot

If you know everything about everybody:

Tana French, The Secret Place

If no one will ever know the real you and that’s how you like it:

Fleur Jaeggy, Sweet Days of Discipline

If you’re already disappointed:

John Williams, Stoner

If you have a gimlet eye for gimlets:

Curtis Sittenfeld, Prep

If you’re sporting a brand-new pair of horn-rimmed glasses:

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

If you’re already looking forward to next summer abroad:

Alison Lurie, Foreign Affairs

If you’re pretty sure college is a government conspiracy to produce compliant and useful citizens:

Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go

If you stan Ernest Hemingway:

Tobias Wolff, Old School

If you stan William Shakespeare:

M. L. Rio, If We Were Villains

If you stan that girl in your history class (and need a literary reminder not to actually stalk her):

Teddy Wayne, Loner

If you prefer to stay off Twitter and reminisce about the culture wars the way they used to be:

Zadie Smith, On Beauty

If you’re a reluctant genius:

Orson Scott Card, Ender’s Game [Yes, this is a campus novel, only the campus is on a space ship, deal with it]

If you’re trying to knock out all the classics before you graduate:

John Knowles, A Separate Peace

If you’re going to college to meet your feminist heroes:

Meg Wolitzer, The Female Persuasion

If you’re only here for the sports:

Chad Harbach, The Art of Fielding