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RECORD numbers of the public are vocally supporting the call for drastic climate action that would preserve the health of the planet as long as the necessary action in no way requires them to alter any part of their daily lives and habits.

As Extinction Rebellion activists stage a week of protests and disruption around the world, the level of support from ordinary people for applying pressure to businesses and governments has never been greater with the small caveat of ‘as long as I personally do not have to do or change anything’.

“It’s really do or die for the planet now so I’m backing all and any measures,” explained local man Stephen Ketty from the comfort of his couch, before confirming he will hit the fucking roof and foam at the mouth if has to pay an additional one cent in tax or worse still is forced to properly recycle.

Ketty’s attitudes reflects that of millions of people who are passionately for the sort of urgent seismic change and collective action needed, the likes of which the world has never witnessed before, so long as nothing is asked of them directly.

“If these cunting protesters make me five minutes late for work that’ll turn me off saving the planet for life. Blocking roads won’t win them any fans or converts” added local woman Karen O’Gorman, whose indifference to climate change means she’s always on the look out for any excuse not to do her part.

Elsewhere, many ardent self-proclaimed climate activists continue to say ‘we’ when referring to the work of others, despite never directly attending any protests or doing anything that can be classified as ‘activism’.