On the ride home he placed that familiar unfamiliar hand on my leg. He touched my stockings, snapping them against my leg. I flinched in surprise.

“These are sexy,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said, wishing I had worn jeans instead.

When we arrived on my street, he began looking for a space to park.

“You can just drop me off,” I interjected.

“Could I grab a glass of water? I had a couple beers, so I probably should,” he said.

“OK,” I said, telling myself I didn’t want to be responsible for a drunk driver.

When we got into my apartment, I went straight to the kitchen to get him water. When I walked back into the living room, he was sitting on my couch, leaning back and surveying the place.

“This is cute,” he said in a way that made me unsure if it was an insult or a compliment.

“Thanks,” I said, handing him the water.

He took a small sip before putting it down and standing up.

“Can I get a tour?” he said.

“There’s not much to see,” I said, laughing and trying to ignore the nerves suddenly pulsing through me. “This is the living room, that’s the dining room, and that’s the kitchen,” I said.

“Where’s your room?” he said, smiling.

“Through there,” I said, pointing down the dark hall and hoping my roommate was home, too.

He sauntered toward my room and turned on the light. I stood in my door frame, my arms folded across my body.

He picked up the book I was reading and started skimming the back cover.

“I’m actually super tired. You should probably head out,” I said.

“It’s not that late yet,” he said.

“I’m an old lady,” I joked, desperate to keep it light.

“OK, fine. But I have to do this before I leave,” he said.

Before I could ask what “this” was, he walked over to me and grabbed my jaw in his hands, his tongue forcing my lips apart. I closed my eyes and let him sloppily kiss me. I tasted the beer on his tongue and thought about the nearly untouched glass of water in the living room.

I pulled back, but he pulled me toward him harder. I halfheartedly kissed him back, not because I wanted to, but because sometimes when you realize something terrible might happen, you can’t even admit it to yourself.

He kept kissing me and pushed me against the wall. I felt my spine hit the frame of my closet.