The Southampton student community lies devastated today, after the biggest storm to hit the UK does essentially nothing useful in the way of getting lectures cancelled.

Thousands of eager onlookers stood by as the British weather yet again failed to do anything even vaguely interesting, surprising us only in its unreliability even to be dreadful.

Meteorologists had optimistically dubbed the storm ‘St Jude’, as if the suggestion of a higher power might encourage it do something even remotely resembling an ‘act of God’. But instead the drizzly breeze did little more than to wake people up or lob bins at them, causing damage roughly equivalent to students walking back from Jesters.

Centimetres away from being taken out by an airborne dustbin on the cycle home — Pete Scott (@PeteyPeblo) October 28, 2013

Wind keeping me awake in Southampton. So bloody loud. Thinking that maybe we should have secured our garden furniture….Too late! #ukstorm — Jo Baker (@JoBakerx) October 28, 2013

The storm loitered around Southampton for about 12 hours, occasionally knocking things over and making a hell of a racket, before sidling off up north to cause trouble; doubtless to hang around doing nothing worth mentioning.

The Met Office attempted to keep spirits high through the night, promising the storm would do something soon:

@Moleessy No strong wind gusts of note yet, but expect winds to increase during the night. Expected timings: http://t.co/WAE89GcoQJ — Met Office Storms (@metofficestorms) October 27, 2013

But it was false hope. Portswood ended up looking like it’d had a big night out and not much more. Without so much as an unseated roof tile to show for it, many suggested that the area had markedly improved thanks to the storm.

Portswood has survived the #ukstorm. Few bins knocked over and shit everywhere, so absolutely zero change to normal. — Chris Mifsud (@bigchrisdeman) October 28, 2013

Awoke to find Portswood a scene of desolation, misery and despair. No sign of the storm though. #UKStorm #sotonuniproblems @SotonProblems — Phelan (@pheladog92) October 28, 2013

All that remained in the morning for the bleary-eyed survivors of St Jude, was to trudge to their Monday morning 9am – and in true British style, complain bitterly about the weather.

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