Phoenix sighed in frustration as he returned his guitar to its stand. He’d hoped that playing a bit would help him relax, but it was no use. He couldn’t even focus enough to get through a single song. And the jog he’d taken earlier that morning before his class had proved just as useless.

No matter what he did, his mind was still abuzz with the same stress and anxiety that had been plaguing him for the past ten days.

Ten days… What the hell could be taking so long, Phoenix wondered? The doctor had told them two weeks at most. So it could be any day now, couldn’t it?

Every time he or Gigi checked the mail lately, he felt a wave of anxiety and dread wash over him… But there was still no word on the test results. How much longer would he and his wife be stuck in this terrible limbo?

It was almost unbearable. And the worst part was, Phoenix felt more isolated now than he could ever remember.

Things with him and Gigi were so pained and awkward now — worse than they’d ever been. They barely talked anymore… especially not about the cheating, or Gigi’s pregnancy. The only thing those conversations seemed to lead to was tears. For both of them.

And he and Lola hadn’t spoken to each other ever since she learned of Gigi’s pregnancy. And Phoenix couldn’t blame her for that. She wanted space, and he was willing to give it to her. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. He missed her so much.

He’d barely spoken to either Niko or Addy lately either, and came up with every excuse he could whenever either of them suggested getting together. It felt too shameful to try facing them now. Did they know about him and Lola? They had to, didn’t they?

And of course, there was no way Phoenix could tell his family about what had happened. But he could tell by his mother’s voice the last time they spoke that she knew something was wrong. And for one wild moment, part of him almost wanted to tell her. But he didn’t.

He had to tell someone though. Writing about it could only do so much. He had to talk to someone. Or else he felt certain his head would burst under the unyielding pressure.

At first, he’d considered reaching out to Jasper. But Phoenix couldn’t be certain his brother would be able to resist telling his parents.

But there was someone else Phoenix knew he could trust with absolutely anything.

It was late enough back home that he knew his best friend would be online. And luckily for Phoenix, as well as things were going for Tam and Jasper since they’d left, his brother was still living at home with his parents.

With Gigi out at the grocery store, there would be no one to eavesdrop on their conversation.

“Hey!” Phoenix smiled warmly at the laptop screen as Tam’s face came into view.

“Greetings!” Tam beamed at him. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

He couldn’t help but feel a bit lighter at the sound of his friend’s voice. It was the first time he’d actually spoken to Tam in a few weeks. It was so much easier to lie behind a text or chat message than it was face-to-face.

“Just hadn’t had the privilege of staring at your ugly mug in a while.” Phoenix teased. “Almost forgot what it looked like.”

“Well, you caught it on a great day.” Tam’s deep laugh vibrated through the laptop’s speakers.

“I noticed!” Phoenix’s smile widened as he admired his friend’s costume. “What’s the occasion?”

“We had a huge gaming event at the store today.” Tam explained. “It was awesome… Lots of traffic, and some pretty sweet costumes too!”

“Sounds fun!” Phoenix’s enthusiasm was a bit forced this time. The longer their conversation went on, the more the dread of his impending confession seemed to loom over his head.

“It was! Jas even surprised me in the middle of my shift. Showed up in a Fallout jumpsuit and hung out til the end of my lunch break.”

Phoenix was ashamed of the sudden pang of jealousy he felt. Tam and Jasper had worked so hard and come so far in repairing their relationship. If only I could’ve done the same… “Sounds like things are still going great for you guys.”

Tam nodded enthusiastically. “They really are.” He paused for a moment, his smile suddenly fading. “But what about you, Phee? Your Bluff rolls totally suck tonight. I can tell something’s up…”

Phoenix let out a heavy sigh. And here it is. There was no way he could avoid it any longer. “Okay, maybe I kinda had an ulterior motive here…” He admitted. “I just really need to talk to somebody.”

“Well, you know you can always talk to me.”

“I know.” Phoenix tried to smile. “Just, uh… brace yourself, I guess. It’s a lot.”

Tam nodded, but said nothing.

Fuck. How the hell do I even begin? He bit his lip for a moment, trying to decide. “So… We found out Gigi’s pregnant.” He said at last.

Tam’s eyes widened slightly for a moment. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“And, uh, judging by the way you just told me, I take it you’re not looking for congratulations…?”

Phoenix shook his head. “Maybe under like, any other circumstance. But this… God, it’s so fucked, Tam.”

“What do you mean?” His friend’s brow furrowed slightly. “Because you guys are still having a hard time?”

“Not just that. Way worse than that.” He took a slow, deep breath. “We don’t even know if I’m the father.”

The silence that came through the speakers was deafening.

“We did a DNA test though.” Phoenix continued. He felt strangely calm talking about it. Much calmer than he thought he would, anyway. “And we should find out any day now… But I just had to talk to somebody about it. The waiting is basically killing me.” He confessed. “Us, I mean. Both of us. Gigi too.”

Tam opened his mouth to speak, but it was a moment or two before any words actually came out. “So…You’re telling me Gigi…?”

“Yeah. She cheated on me.” Why did it still hurt so much to say it? Phoenix hated what a hypocrite he’d become.

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” Tam’s voice was so pained. “I can’t even imagine… I thought I had it bad enough with Jas kissing that guy. But holy shit. That’s terrible. Beyond terrible… How the hell could she do something like that?!”

It felt so awkward seeing Tam get so upset on his behalf. Time to rip off the other bandaid. Ugh. “Hey, before you go ripping into her, there’s something else you should know too…” He muttered uncomfortably.

“There’s more?!” Tam cried.

Phoenix nodded slowly. “Promise you won’t hate me, Tam.” For a moment, he felt like a scared little boy. “But Gigi’s not the only one who cheated.”

“Phee, no. You didn’t.” It hurt so much to see Tam like this. “What the fuck?!”

He was surprised by the sudden tightness he felt in the back of his throat. “You and Jasper were right. About me and Lola. I let myself get too close to her and it just… sorta happened. I completely botched my Will save.” Phoenix tried to force a laugh at his own attempt to lighten things.

But for once, his friend did not seem to be in the mood. Tam shook his head. “This is serious, Phee.”

His forced smile vanished instantly. “Yeah, no shit.” Phoenix closed his eyes and pressed his face into his hands for a moment before continuing. “I have no clue how we both fucked up so bad. But we did. And now… I don’t know what we’re gonna do. Guess it all depends on that DNA test.”

“What? Why?”

“Come on, Tam.” He sighed. “You know why. If the baby’s mine…”

“Then it makes things a hell of a lot more complicated.” Tam cut him off. “But I know you, Phee. and I know exactly what you’re thinking… And trust me, I want you and Gigi to figure this out. I’m not really sure if that’s even possible now.” He admitted sadly. “But I love Gigi and I’d love for you guys to find a way to stay together. But you’ve gotta promise that if you try and work it out, you’ll do it for the right reasons.”

“What are you talking about?”

Tam sighed. “Tell me you aren’t gonna make that decision all because of the baby.”

How did I know he’d react like this? Phoenix almost wanted to roll his eyes. Why couldn’t he understand? “You don’t get it, Tam. If that kid’s mine, I’m not gonna let it get shuffled back and forth between two families. I’m not gonna let it grow up feeling like it doesn’t belong anywhere. Because trust me, I’ve been there. And it fucking sucks, okay?”

Tam just shook his head. “Phee, you’re not thinking straight right now. I know it maybe wasn’t the easiest way to grow up… But imagine if your Mama and Papa had stayed together after you were born. Like, seriously think about that.”

Phoenix tried to. But to be honest, he couldn’t even picture what it might be like. It was impossible to imagine his mother with anyone but Devin, or his father with anyone but Rubi. But it was a thought he couldn’t bring himself to voice aloud.

“I can’t imagine it because I’ve never seen it.” He replied at last. “I never got the chance to know what it’s like to have a whole family. And I’m not gonna have my poor kid miss out on that too.”

“Okay, but what about all the stuff you would’ve missed out on if your parents were together?” Tam countered. “No Dev, no Rubi, no Lila, no Jasper… And I’ve got a vested interest in that one, FYI.” He added quickly. “You’d be missing most of your family.”

“I’m not talking about pulling some kind of Back to the Future shit here.” Phoenix did not bother trying to hide his frustration. “I’m not talking about changing the past, I’m talking about my kid’s future.”

“And I’m talking about the fact that you’ve got a bunch of amazing things in your life all thanks to your ‘broken family’. But it’s like you’re under some mind-altering spell that’s making you forget all that.” Tam shook his head sadly. “And apparently you have some kind of penalty to your Will Save right now that won’t let you see past it.”

“Look, I’ll think about it, okay? And besides, this could all be for nothing.” Phoenix replied. “We don’t even know for sure if I’m the father yet anyway…” It still felt so surreal to say it out loud.

Tam hesitated for a moment. “And what if you aren’t? What are you gonna do then?”

“I still don’t know.” He confessed softly. “I feel like I change my mind every minute.”

“Well I hope you figure it out, Phee.” Tam replied seriously. “You’ve gotta decide what’s best for you. And Gigi too.”

And the baby, Phoenix wanted to say. But he didn’t. Because he knew exactly how Tam would respond. “Yeah, I’ll figure it out.” He hoped he sounded confident.

“I’m sorry, Phee.” Tam continued seriously. “For all this shit you’re going through… And for being so hard on you too. But I wouldn’t be like this if I didn’t care.”

“I know.” He did his best to smile. “Tough love and all that crap, right?”

Tam nodded, his own lips curling into a small smile. “Exactly.”

“I know it’s crazy late over there, so I should let you go… But thanks for letting me unload all that shit on you, Tam. You’re the best.”

“Any time. Seriously, whenever you need to talk about anything, you know where to find me.” Tam’s smile widened. “Not like I’d be very good at hiding anyway. My Stealth skill totally blows.”

Phoenix let out a small chuckle. It was always so jarring to see Tam take things so seriously. It was good to see him back to his usual self again. “Later, Tam. And thanks again.”

“Later… Love you, Phee.”

Even coming from Tam, it was exceptionally rare to hear his friends say that to him. But that made it mean even more. “Love you too.”

—————————————————

The next morning…