A Christchurch couple may lose their jobs, says the single employment lawyer consulted by media, after they made the entire nation feel jealous and upset by having sex in front of practically the whole country.

On Friday night last week, a pair of two individuals powerfully thrust their pelvic regions into one another in the insurance offices of Marsh Ltd, but apparently left the lights on, allowing the entire encounter to be viewed and videotaped by a pub across the road.

Stills from video footage made their way to newsrooms early this week, which then elected to publish them for no reason

The pair, who shall not be named – but will have their pictures widely circulated – should be “utterly ashamed of themselves,” said employment lawyer Kathryn Dalziel.

“It’s one thing to have sex at all,” she said. “But to have sex in front of everybody like that, wittingly or unwittingly, is deeply disrespectful to those of us who don’t have sex, which is most of us.”

Dalziel said the insurance company would “likely” be able to fire the pair, on the grounds they had damaged its reputation, by suggesting their employees “like the opposite gender” and “enjoy having sex, but not during work hours.”

“The very impression that any of our workers would enjoy having sex, or have sex at all, really, is deeply concerning to us,” said Marsh Ltd chief executive Grant Milne. “We can assure our investors that there is absolutely no sex going on in our business, and we will not tolerate sex in our business. What goes on in our business is numbers. Hard numbers.”

It was “obvious from the photos” who the two employees were, said Milne, as he had cross-referenced them with his fantasies, “and they match.”

New Zealanders have expressed their anger at Milne’s company over the last two days, saying the footage of his employees having sex had made them “frustrated” and “jealous.”

Milne said he was “deeply sorry” for any feelings of loneliness or sexual frustration that had been triggered by the softcore porn that had transpired on his premises, and was exploring “legal employment options” for castration.

ASB Bank Ltd is dealing with a similar incident this week after two of its employees were caught laughing and having fun by security cameras.