We left our hotel, turned onto the lane opposite and drove slowly along between the high hedges. In five minutes we passed the gate where the track ends and after turning a corner drove into a farmyard with a stone farmhouse to one side. We parked, walked to the door (or more accurately G hobbled hanging onto me) and hit the knocker hard on the wood. In a few seconds we heard footsteps on the other side, the door opened and there was the farmer looking well scrubbed and quite smart. “Come in, take the door on the right”

We walked down the hallway, our footsteps ringing on the flagstones that seemed to be centuries old, before entering into a comfortable lounge. We turned to face our host.

“Welcome to my home, my name is Tarquin”. We introduced ourselves, but he had obviously seen my quizzical look at his name.

“My mum was reading a trashy novel, the hero’s name was Tarquin and she stuck me with it! Everyone calls me Quin, that started when I was really young – there was a pop song called “the mighty quinn” so everyone called me Mighty Quin.

There was rustling in the hall, Quin smiled “let me introduce my wife”. A strikingly pretty 50-ish woman was standing in the doorway. Hair tied back in a bun, a smile on her face and an unmissable pair of magnificent mammaries thrusting her blouse out from her body. “This is Irene, but everyone calls her Reenie”

“Dinner is ready. Quin – please bring our guests into the dining room”

We passed through the hall again into the adjoining dining room, with the table set for a feast. Quin seated us facing each other, with G he pulled back her chair before she sat down. Reenie started bringing in the serving dishes, then the plates piled with chicken meat. Quin poured white wine, explaining this was from English g****s grown on a neighbouring farm.

The meal was delicious, so much so we could not hold back our praise. Quin explained “The chicken was running around the coop this morning and we have grown all the veg here, everything organic.”

“How did a guy like you become a farmer?”

“I was brought up in a poor part of East London, destined to be a waster just like many other black k*ds – but for one thing – there was a city farm, one of the first and I took to helping more and more. Eventually I got a few good O Levels and went to agricultural college. After that I worked on farms, gaining experience but never expecting to have my own land. Then there was a huge stroke of luck – I won a lot of money on the football pools and that’s how I got the farm”.

“Reenie’s dad owns the next farm down the valley, he helped me a lot and I fell in love with Reenie. We’ve got an empty nest now, just the two of us”