Well a scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one fine dark night,

and one could tell by how he walked that he’d drank a fair good mite.

He fumbled ’round until he could no longer stand so well

and he stumbled off into the grass to rest there for a spell.

Chorus: Ring ding didde diddle i-de-oh, ring di diddley i-oh

He stumbled off into the grass to rest there for a spell.

Later on, two young and pretty girls came strolling by

and the one said to the other with a sparkle in her eye,

“See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built,

I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath their kilts!”

Chorus: Ring ding diddle diddle i-de-oh, ring di diddley i-oh

“I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath their kilts!”

They crept up on the sleeping Scotsman quiet as can be

and tried to lift his kilt about an inch (or two or three).

The Scotsman woke, bolted upright from his bed of leaves and dirt

and flung his back against a tree there growing from the turf.

Chorus: Ring ding diddle diddle i-de-oh, ring di diddley i-oh

and flung his back against a tree there growing from the turf.

He sputtered for a moment then he said “What have you done?

If you were me and I were you this would be just as wrong

If I, perchance, happed on a woman, drunk and sleeping fast

and lifted up that stranger’s skirt, I’d land in jail right fast.”

Chorus: Ring ding diddle diddle i-de-oh, ring di diddley i-oh

“and lifted up that stranger’s skirt, I’d land in jail fast.”

Those young and silly women hadn’t thought of what this meant

They stood there speechless as he said “It’s a matter of consent.”

And in small and startled voices they then both apologized,

for ignorance and double standards are seldom ever wise.

Chorus: Ring ding diddle diddle i-de-oh, ring di diddley i-oh

for ignorance and double standards are seldom ever wise.