NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a development that the Republican campaign is sure to find troubling, a new poll of likely voters showed nominee Mitt Romney trailing badly behind the empty chair Clint Eastwood talked to onstage at the Republican National Convention in Tampa.

When asked the question, “Who cares more about people like me?” thirty-seven per cent of voters responded, “Mitt Romney,” while fifty-two per cent said, “Chair.”

The poll numbers for the chair represent the largest post-convention bounce for an inanimate object since the nomination of Michael Dukakis, in 1988.

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Photograph by Lauren Lancaster.