ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Coalition is set to lose one of its safest seats tomorrow at the Wentworth byelection.

Located in Sydney’s far east, home to the type of people who’d be the first to hang from streetlights when the inevitable revolution happens, Wentworth has only ever hosted Liberal Party victories.

However, tomorrow it’s set to be defeated by a popular independent.

Speaking today to The Advocate this morning via telephone, Prime Minister Scott Morrison laughed when our reporter asked him if everything was OK.

“Everything’s fine, my friend,” said Morrison, paternally.

“Dave Sharma is going to shit it in. He cannot lose. The Liberals cannot lose in Wentworth. It is proven scientific fact, like gravity,”

“Malcolm and his polite and helpful son can snipe at us all they want. It’s going to take more than that to bring down the Liberal Party. Because we are a team, we are all on Team Australia. Tomorrow, all of us are on Team Wentworth. I will be there, in a back-to-front Royal Prince Edward Yacht Club dad cap that Malcolm gave me last year for my birthday. Everything will be fine.”

Our reporter also spoke to a number of Wentworth residents, most of whom took the opportunity to talk down to our regional newspaper in a disparaging tone.

Never-the-less, all who took time out of their busy morning of investing diligently in blue-chip stocks, negatively gearing their property assets and failing to indicate at intersections to speak to The Advocate said this is revenge for what the Liberals did to their Malcolm.

“He [Malcolm] epitomised what is was to be a Wentworth resident. To appear outwardly socially-conscious. IE to have some homosexual friends. Perhaps even some friends-of-colour. To appear to care about social issues, I meant to say,” said one uppity chode from Double Bay.

“But to be fiscally conservative. Lower the company tax rate and whatnot. I’ve set myself up as a trust so I pay the lower company tax rate, instead of the common personal income tax that wage earners pay,”

“And they my Malcolm to the sword. Tomorrow we roast you latent misogynists, sexists and homophobes. Liberals out of Wentworth now!”

More to come.