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CNN is saying this morning that the Mueller Report is a hoax intended to drive parties to the Russian Collusion into the open. Robert Mueller is quoted as saying “We were actually surprised that anyone fell for the assertion that the president wasn’t guilty of collusion and obstruction. However, the president fell for it completely. As a result, certain individuals have come forward to provide important new testimony.”

Among those with new testimony is reported to be Christine Blasey Ford. Her attorney, “Bob” from LegalZoom, stated that Ms. Ford found a document on the table in the hearing room where she testified that clearly showed the level of President Trump’s collusion with Russia. Evidently Ms. Ford found the document under the Coke can a staffer had given her. “Bob” added “it was clear that an individual in the committee room wanted someone with Ms. Ford’s impeccable credentials to leak the document at the appropriate time. That time is now.”

When contacted for comment, Speaker Nancy Pelosi said “we’re all proud of Ms. Ford. The country just wasn’t ready for something as monumental as her Green New Deal.

President Trump, who is vacationing with Vladimir Putin at the Swissôtel Resort Сочи Камелия on the Black Sea, commented “Damn this Mueller guy is good! Remind me to hire him for my re-election team when I get back.”

CNN also claims that they have audio obtained by the CIA from two Russian generals:

They fell for it Yuri! Yes, that $100,000 we spend on Facebook did it! We were able to swing the election to Donald Trump! Pretty good since Hillary Clinton spent $598.2 million! (Sound of fist claps) Unfortunately, Yuri, I must tell you that you’re under arrest! But why comrade?! Because we found out that you used $50,000 to promote your wife’s beauty parlor! Ah, ha! You think you have me but Comrade Trump has given me citizenship in the United States! Would you like to come too? Let me pack my bags! (Sound of laughter and more fist claps)

The actual unredacted copy of the Mueller Report is now in the hands of James Comey, John Brennan, Rahm Emanuel, and Woopi Goldberg for final review and fact checking. Spike Lee will direct the movie and Stephen King will produce the screenplay. Copies will be available on Amazon.com in print as well as Kindle form with all proceeds going to a number of reputable organizations including Al Gore’s Climate Reality Project, Planned Parenthood, the ACLU and Parents-4-Pot.

CNN also claims to have really damaging audio of Barron Trump telling a schoolmate that “sometimes my dad can be a real putz.”

A GoFundMe account has also been established for the “Hillary Clinton Belated Inauguration Party.” The contact name for the fund is:

Schwartz György

Open Society Foundations

224 West 57th Street

New York, NY 10019

United States

In another shocking development, John McCain is expected to have a press conference tomorrow to clarify his role in obtaining the damning and now totally confirmed Dossier.