When looking at the photo taken at University Medical Center in El Paso, some see a tone-deaf Donald Trump, grinning too widely and flashing a thumbs up while posing with the baby whose parents, Jordan and Andre Anchondo, died shielding him in Saturday’s attack.

Others see nothing wrong with his behavior in the wake of one of the deadliest mass shootings in recent US history – just a typical presidential visit after a tragedy.

But Jordan’s aunt, Elizabeth Terry, sees a little boy named Paul, for Jordan’s father, and Gilbert, for Andre’s father – a symbol of the deep ties and love that bound the two families together. Two families, Terry said, that were gutted the moment the shooter arrived at a Walmart in El Paso on Saturday.

Baby Paul and his photo with Trump is emblematic of a unique struggle for the victims of this particular shooting. From the beginning, it has been political, with much of the president’s own rhetoric reflected in an anti-immigrant and racist manifesto attributed to the shooter. The gunman allegedly said the attack was a “response to the Hispanic invasion of Texas”, and Trump’s re-election campaign has characterized immigration as an “invasion” in more than 2,000 Facebook ads this year, according to a Guardian analysis.

Some of the victims have taken stances. Five survivors declined to meet with the president when he visited on Wednesday amid protests and calls to stay away. But others would just like the freedom to grieve.

“There are families and real lives that were destroyed and shattered,” Terry said on Friday, her voice hoarse from crying. “At this time, we need to focus on the healing and the picking up the pieces, and not get thrust into any type of politics. It’s a time to mourn and grieve right now.”

Terry’s side of the family chose not to visit with the president and is not commenting on their feelings about the photo or Trump’s rhetoric.

“We chose to stay politically neutral and focus on our healing and focus on the children,” she said. “For us, it just wasn’t the right time to even address anything of the matter. We just don’t want to be tossed into a political battlefield as we’re trying to pick up the pieces of our lives.”

Meanwhile, Deborah Anchondo, Andre Anchondo’s sister, expressed anger on Facebook at local politicians for saying that Trump was not welcome in El Paso.

“I lost my brother and sister-in-law on Saturday,” she wrote. “My family and I are living a horrible nightmare. The visit from our President will be more than comforting to my family.”

The family did not immediately respond to requests for comment on Friday.

Jordan felt that her most important job was motherhood; her family’s task now was to make sure her three kids were taken care of. Days after the shooting, the couple’s five-year-old had started school without her parents, often crying and asking for them, Terry said. The family was preparing for Jordan’s memorial service. “It will be one of the hardest days of their lives,” Terry said.