a/n: first section would be just a year as Anna and Elsa started dating - just to clarify :)

I got knots all up in my chest

Just know, I'm trying my best

'Cause when you look…

The cold night didn't feel so horrible with the city lights streaming through the open window - even if its wind bit their skin - and the dim light that the little lamp provided for the living room wasn't doing any justice. The little slit opened from the window in Elsa's apartment provided little air. The only sound they could hear were the sound of their own pumping heart, the echoing of cars running down the streets, and the words that sang with a beautiful slow melody. Ah, this was their paradise - their own world where nothing but their love existed.

That was okay - they were more than happy to feel this warmth of their dim light… to feel the warmth of their own body and their own loving hands searching for an escape. Searching for nothing but the night to bring them pleasure.

It was Elsa's first birthday they were celebrating together, after all. They were so young… so desperate for love. For each other.

And in her living room, Anna sat on her girlfriend's lap, her hips dancing so beautifully, so sensually, her hands searching her own body with such tease, that she could see it in Elsa's eyes that she wanted to just strip her down.

Softly, Anna sighed with breath chained with lust… eyes wandering close, as she let Elsa hold onto her thin waist, her lips grazing at nothing but Anna's soft, hot skin of her neck. Ah, she deserved all of this… for her birthday, Elsa deserved at least one thing - and it was Anna.

Will your tongue still remember the taste of my lips?

"Will your shadow remember the swing of my hips…?" Anna sang with a voice that only both of them could hear, and she allowed her gorgeous woman strip her top. Button by button, revealing every inch of her sun-kissed skin. Oh, Anna was willing to wait… willing to let Elsa play her like an instrument. She gazed, blank eyes showing nothing but all her love for Elsa, intrigued. Her auburn hair had fallen down the small of her back, where fingers brushed every little dotted imperfection with such perfection.

And the blue eyes that met with hers when Elsa kissed her chest, her warm breath sighing her hot skin, was filled with nothing but want. And there was that smile… that wicked, wicked grin that Anna had fallen in love with.

'Cause I don't need to know

I just wanna make sure you're okay

She mirrored the way Elsa paid attention to her, her head tilted. Cold fingers danced along Anna's freckles on her cheeks, flushed with alcohol and wonderful perfumes of love and lust And all Anna saw… was the unspoken desire seen in Elsa's beautiful face.

"Elsa…" she mouthed, and the rest of her words - her breath - had drowned in the soft graze of Elsa's lips brushing on hers. The slight blueness shown in Elsa's hooded eyes pushed the woman to want more.

I don't need to know

I just wanna make sure you're all safe

Her arms fell around Elsa's shoulders, her hips continuing to seduce Elsa's body to take her… to love her. She didn't move. Anna was letting her girlfriend take her time to feel her, to strip her with her very eyes… letting the night continue on with no care in the world, and they wished it had frozen in time. Like nobody, but them lived in this city. Oh, they were living, alright…

"I love you…" Ah, the single three words whispered on her lips, where… they tasted nothing but her gentle kiss and love, sent shivers down her body. "I love every last bit of you, my beautiful."

Anna smiled, feeling fingers gently circling her wrist… another holding her chin. Her head tilted in curiosity, her hair covering her eyes just so Elsa could brush it back again. She didn't need to see Elsa to know they needed each other now - how much Elsa wanted to serve her temple of a body. But she gazed into her eyes, desire drowning in her colors. Oh, how could she not? They were so close… and Anna could see every little gently kissed freckles on her cheeks.

Will he treat you like shit just the way that I did?

I don't blame you…

"If you love me so much…" Anna stuck her tongue out to taste her lips. Ah, cherry… "Would it be enough to keep me forever?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way, beautiful." Elsa's words kissed her skin, her lips… her heated ears, and it only left Anna completely smitten.

Teal eyes glistened like it had been burned by the light - by Elsa's light. "Would you… let me put you in my safe arms...?"

"I wouldn't have that any other way either…"

Anna giggled as she found herself getting turned over on the couch, and only humming in such satisfaction when she felt warm lips on her own, and a wonderfully cold hand searching her body with desperation. With pleasure. Oh… with such undeniable need for her.

"Then I'm yours…"

Tick. Tock.

Tick. Tock.

Tick -

"Anna!"

"S-Shit!" Anna jolted up from her office chair, completely startled at the sudden voice. She was in the damn zone, for god's sake, and she just wanted to be left there. She sighed, looking around her table before she rolled her chair around to see Kristoff standing beside her with two hot coffees in his hand. "You made me drop my pen…"

He handed her her drink, while sipping his. "Then I will atone to my sins by giving you coffee. Here."

"Thanks."

For a moment, Kristoff just observed her from behind, prompting a curious look. "By the way, I've been watching you stare at the wall and twirling your pen in your fingers for like… forever."

Forever? She scoffed, and picked up her pen, and turned back to her desk and computer.

For once, Anna wished time would pass by slower while she was still at work. It was the weekends, yet there were some things that… she wasn't looking forward to thinking. Or doing later tonight, and she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. These days… her heart loved to fool around.

Certainly, there were also things that Anna wished she wouldn't have said to a certain person. Well, two certain people.

God, she swore this whole week had been a twilight zone for her.

Taking a sip of her coffee, she heard Kristoff taking a chair and sitting closely beside her. They had always been buddies at work, but when she wanted to be left alone, she should be left alone. Kristoff was just not the person to agree with that statement.

Her eyes wandered at the computer screen - still on an excel spreadsheet. In the background, phones were ringing, people were talking, printers were printing, and interns… were getting coffee. Except, Kristoff was not an intern. God, she wished she didn't have to work in an office - even if it paid well.

"Kristoff, you're just standing here."

"It's lunch break, for Christ sake. Grab lunch!" Kristoff blurted.

"You buy me lunch."

"I already got you coffee!"

Anna sighed, scratching her hair with both hands, moaning in frustration. "God damn it, what do you want?!" Oh. She didn't mean to be so grumpy. The whole day she had been debating a lot of things - she didn't even get the chance to talk to Elsa, who… of course, was doing her own thing with Olaf. Obviously, she had her daily routine of taking Olaf back home but… well, that was the norm now. Though, it wasn't like she would be looking forward to talking to Elsa anyway.

And then, there was Meg. A woman who chose the wrong way to give her happiness. A woman who was blinded by her own love for Anna. A woman who… Anna would love to see in Elsa. The honesty, the sincereness, how Meg who wasn't even hateful towards the two, were all Anna would ever wish for in her ex-wife.

Her eyes were dazed at the thought and her own want. She should be disgusted, horrified, but all she felt… was want. Her heart tightened like that woman had been playing with it in her fingers. Which… if that was the case, Anna wouldn't mind. Two women had been playing with her and only one… cared.

"Whoa… you're a badass today. What's going on?" He furrowed his brows. Anna was quite relieved he would be serious sometimes too. He rubbed his hand up and down on Anna's arm when she sighed, dropping her head low. "Hey, you okay?"

"No, I -" She stared at her open palms. God, if only someone would hold her there too. She always loved Elsa's skin when she brushed it with her thumb. But even imagining it… was quite sad, so she didn't. "I'm fine. It's nothing, don't worry about it -"

"Are you thinking about her again?"

Anna wasn't sure which 'her' he was referring to, but it kept her eyes up to his. She shook her head, guilty gaze wandering off like it was scared of the care that was in Kristoff's eyes. "No… not at all." She chuckled. The disbelief that she had played with in her heart was beginning to shine in the light of her eyes and the embarrassed flush on her cheeks. But who was she embarrassed for? Herself? For making her own decisions - no matter how stupid and reckless?

Desperation had washed in her with hurt and guilt for her ex-wife, and Anna wished desperation would only bring… them happiness. But it was only for Anna. Only for her selfish self. She couldn't deny she wanted it all though.

Kristoff's attentive eyes put on a weight on her that it was unbearable - like it would total her heart. Would hurt her head. Her throat bobbed - and the words that she wanted to say was forced back down.

"Really? Not her, huh?"

Anna nodded. Such a sweet soft spoken voice, yet… Anna wondered if she was deserving of it. A game of constant reminder of what she was deserving or not… quickly became lost in her wandering thoughts.

She knew Kristoff cared very much about her - in his weird way, of course. Anna expected nothing more of him.

"Hey, I'm your friend. You can tell me anything. It's not like I'll be going around gossiping with these idiots in the office." He rolled his eyes. At least, Anna smiled.

"Weselton…?"

"Gee, yeah, I'll totally talk to the boss and hear him take a conversation out of tangent and make it about chicken." He paused, eyes widening at his own mistake, that even Anna didn't dare dwell into. "Okay, let's not… insult him."

"Well, it's not like there aren't secret places where he can eavesdrop us."

"Exactly." He rolled his chair closer. "So, let's have a little chat while drinking coffee? What are you thinking about?"

Should I even tell him? There was no point in debating this now that Kristoff already knew she was thinking of something. He definitely wasn't one for cowering away from a problem. Especially, Anna's.

She took a deep breath as her thoughts had already put a huge burden on her shoulders. "Elsa doesn't know… well, I don't know, if she does. I… I slept with someone." Oh, that just sounded weird - and because it was.

As expected, Kristoff didn't say anything. He merely blinked, raised his eyebrows, and nearly spit out his sip of coffee. "You… did? Congrats!"

Damn it. "No! It's not -" Anna groaned, putting her head in her hands. "God, Kristoff… I fucked up. I don't know how I feel. Meg… she asked if I wanted to come to the festival today after work -"

"Wait, Meg?" Ah, Anna never did mention her name. She tensed like a rock, sensing nothing but shock from his tone of voice. "The… teacher -"

"Yes! The teacher!" A series of 'shushes' followed, and Anna looked around before placing a finger against her lips. "I slept with Olaf's teacher."

"Oh, well, that - wow," he chuckled awkwardly, looking away, like he didn't want to be a part of this conversation anymore, "that really complicates everything. You guys - I mean, you two have been friends with her for… how long?"

"Two years. Yeah, I know." She rolled her eyes, propping her elbow on her desk. "I don't want to tell her. Elsa's… done enough."

Kristoff scoffed, disbelieved. "What has she even done?" He sighed, but Anna knew he was right. All Elsa had ever done was avoid her, treat her no less than trash… yet, she still loved that blonde to death? Really? She looked away, appalled and shameful. "So, you fucked her. And?" He doesn't seem to get it.

"And Meg wants me to decide whether or not I have gotten over Elsa by asking me to go to a festival."

"Are you gonna go to the festival?"

Anna shrugged. "I don't know. I-I… should I?"

"It's your decision. But if I was in this situation, I'd go. See what happens. It helps to confirm how you truly feel, Anna."

The intensity of her heart pumping made her feel like she was still back in high school. Her fingers tingled, and her mind was jumbling through all the images she'd see with Meg. How Meg would just… hold her in comfort. How Meg would listen to her through all the problems that she had faced. Maybe Anna yearned this a bit too much - but what and who else was she going to yearn?

She gazed down in contemplation to her hand. If she really was considering this - not at all being frustrated just by thinking about it anymore - perhaps… she'd truly moved on. "Kristoff… am I okay?"

He was a bit taken aback. "O-Of course you are. God, you're looking for an out. If this is your out… I want you to go for it."

"I love Elsa -"

"And I know she loves you too, and so does your son. I don't want you regretting anything alright?"

The heavy heart that Elsa felt while she took Olaf upstairs to his classroom that morning was becoming even heavier with each dragging steps she made. When she didn't have the strength to hold Olaf's hand, the boy gave her strength with his smile. His very… innocent, naive smile. But deep down, Elsa knew he wasn't naive. He'd always said he only wanted to make his mothers happy and proud. They were proud - Elsa, especially - and perhaps… he was pretending to smile for them. Her heart ached, even when she realized how cold it was.

"Mom, aren't you going now?" They'd arrived at the hallway of his floor.

Elsa shook her head and swiped his hair back. "No, I need to speak to Ms. Johnson."

He gasped in horror. "Is it… is it about me? I do good!"

"No, it's not you, and you did well." She paused, humming in contemplation. "I should cut your hair tonight…"

Olaf pouted, laying his small hand on top of his head. "But I like it this way!"

"We'll see. Come now, we don't want to be late."

She wasn't thinking straight - but one thing was clear… she needed to talk to her. Deep down, Elsa couldn't be sure of how she felt about Meg's… strange relationship with Anna. Sure, they weren't as close - but she'd hate to see Anna being taken an advantage of. No matter how hypocritical she was… Elsa still cared.

"Good morning, Ms. Johnson!" Olaf yelled as they just entered the doorway. Elsa allowed him to let go of her hand and come to hug the woman.

"Oof, Olaf, good morning to you too. You're cheerful today."

"Heh." The two women caught eye contacts. "Cuz it's Friday. And we have gym today!"

"I see." She ran her fingers through his hair. "Alright, go on and put your bag in your box. Silent reading until class starts okay? Is that clear, kids?!" She clapped her hands once, followed by double claps by her students.

"Yes, Ms. Johnson!"

"Good, go on, Olaf. Unpack."

Olaf quickly scurried to put his stuff down and get to his desk, where many of his classmates already had books in their hands.

Now was the time. Elsa knew she shouldn't disturb the kids, so she stood out in the hall, knowing Meg seemed to have sensed they needed to talk too. Meg quickly came out of the room, closing the door behind.

"I got a feeling you wanted to talk."

Elsa nodded, her arms crossed. She leaned against the wall. "Is Olaf doing his work?"

"Yeah. He's a great kid. I might even say, he's one of my best." That was a relief, but this wasn't what she wanted to talk about.

She'd known that Meg could read a situation very clearly so Elsa expected nothing less of her. The silence was tense, and just… looking at how Meg's expression twist confirmed exactly what she thought. But it wasn't nervousness that Meg showed. Was it determination? She raised an eyebrow.

"There's… something else you want to say." Meg mirrored her expression.

There was no easy way to say this, and Elsa found herself being trapped in her own very corner. "I know Anna can be… difficult sometimes. You two have always been great friends - I don't doubt she talks about us all the time right?"

Meg bobbed her head silently. "You're right, she does."

"Be honest with me… you have always felt that way for her, don't you?" In her heart, Elsa didn't want to hear the truth.

But Meg answered, "I have. But I could never tell her that. Tell you that." Ah, perhaps, Meg was being too honest.

Elsa wrung her hand around her own wrist, her expression twisting. "She's a great mother. A great friend. I could never have anyone else better." She looked away. "And if… she ever found someone that she enjoys being with, I would always wish her well. I want to make sure she doesn't get hurt." Perhaps, it was her now that was uncertain. Afraid? Even that.

She almost thought she saw Meg twitch, but her body tensing and it looked like she was trying to tower over her. At least, now, there was no denying a part of Meg adored Anna. Elsa could see it in her eyes, the soft glistening… and how determined they look. Elsa nearly wanted to throw up. But she was serious when she said those words. If Anna ever got hurt because of someone else, Elsa would never forgive herself.

"Elsa, you don't -"

"I know you don't mean it. I know… things happen." She nodded, trying to be the bigger person. Trying to act rational. On the inside, her heart raged with fiery and perhaps… jealousy? She couldn't be. If she were… she wouldn't be talking right now. "I'm glad you were with her when she was at her worst times. I have always wanted what's best for her, and she seems to know that you are her best. Treat her well, Meg."

Silence. But it was a silence that Elsa knew acceptance had been woven in it. She had expected Meg to look guilty - but there was not even a hint of it. But that's alright. She had recognized… Meg's strength and her unwavering bravery. She was not easily faltered by Elsa.

Smiling silently and tightly, Elsa was just about to go -

"I wanted to be her comfort."

She paused, but she didn't turn. She didn't want to see how Meg eyed her. She didn't need the disappointment that poisoned the air, and Elsa just gazed down on the floor. Her stoic face showed no remorse, and nothing that Elsa could say… would perhaps sway Meg from keeping her hands to herself. Elsa's body tensed.

She smiled a little, bitter. "You achieved that, at least -"

"Even after that night, she thinks about you, Elsa. She's so… stuck on you…" Meg sighed. "I want her to move on as much you do - and I know you only wanted to say this because you care about -"

"I do." Elsa turned abruptly, her eyes flared with hurt. She gritted her teeth, holding herself from crying. They had had enough. "I care about her… because I don't want another person like me to hurt her - another person that would be selfish."

Tears coated her pupils, but none could fall… and she wished, oh, her heart didn't ache like how it was right there and then. She didn't like how she remembered it would hurt when she told Anna they would always stick together years ago.

"Did you know? That evening… did you know how much she cried for you? Because of you?" Meg squinted. "If I wanted to treat her like shit… I wouldn't be standing right here. You already know, Elsa. You're smart, intuitive… and I could never be the woman that Anna wants me to be - I could never be you… but no matter what, even if you're not here for her, I'll be there."

Elsa took a deep breath, her eyes growing colder than the winter where their marriage had crashed. She didn't say anything, watching every painful word slip out of Meg's mouth… because at one point, she knew Meg was right. Her senses were sharp, so she couldn't deny that Meg had always been a wonderful friend to them both. Perhaps… a wonderful girlfriend to Anna.

Elsa just breathed - the only breath that she could let out to show her very last will to let Anna go. To show… she had a heart for her ex-wife. At least, at one point, she did. "I just want to make sure she's all safe."

"She is. She always will be."

Her heart was aching, almost unbearably. The festival was stretching three blocks, and Anna just sat in her car… staring at all the happenings around her. In front of her, there were police barricades blocking any cars from going past. Kids were running around - there were street food… plenty of entertainment.

The pink evening was quickly going to grow dark as she continued to sit there. The stars were sparkling and danced through the floating clouds. And the wind was nothing but soothing to her heavy thoughts that swam in her mind. She pondered to herself, eyeing all the lights that were in front of her parked car.

She rubbed her fingers against her head, breathing in deeply. There was just… a lot of confusion in her head, but she kept what Kristoff had said in her mind. Meg was waiting for her out there - but why? Anna didn't have to go, yet… a part of her tugged on her aching heart - and was it guilt that she was feeling? - so she dragged herself out here. And more she thought about this… about Meg, the more her heart felt tortured.

"Calm down…" she whispered, a hand clenching on her chest area of her shirt.

What am I doing?

All this time of wishing Elsa back, and being with her and their son no matter what - was it not enough? The desperation to find someone's body on her… to find someone's heart to take her own in… was it that overwhelming? But she couldn't deny it. This reality she was living in… neither could she make sense of it.

She sighed, shutting her eyes. And if she continued to shut her eyes… all she'd see were the brunette's bare back… and how her muscles were so… define. How she could taste the sweetness of her lips. How her own fingers ran down the small of her back -

Anna immediately opened her eyes. How could she picture that? How could she… want that?

Don't cry, don't cry… She wanted to picture Elsa. She wanted to picture every little part of her but...

I JUST CAN'T.

She was a mess. She was fucked up.

And perhaps, that confirmed it - everything from her own mind to her heart… didn't belong to Elsa anymore. That was her leave now.

So slowly, she got out of the car and went into the crowd of people. Her eyes searched - shoulders bumping into each other - and Anna just wished if she had met someone's eyes… it wouldn't be Meg's, but the only two blue eyes that once loved her.

Though, another part wished it would be Elsa, she'd be looking at. Her words in her mind were drowned in music and people chatting, her own feet dragged through the concrete ground, her own fingers running through her loose hair. The light that swam above her head burned, but less so than her heart. She felt a messed up compass, not knowing where to go. Not knowing what her own heart wanted -

And she saw her. Her steps halted, and eyed the girl… with nothing but pure emptiness.

Her brown hair was down, and she wore nothing but a simple dress, her fingers holding a hand purse.

Her mind had washed out any worrying thoughts. Even if Meg didn't look at her - Anna found… something beautiful in her. But to her heart, it was all so ugly. What they did - sleeping together - felt wrong, and right now, Anna continued to debate whether or not her feelings was just that as well. I'll just have to find out…

She gulped and walked towards her. She tapped on Meg's shoulder. "You're just going to stand here?"

The quick turn of Meg's head almost surprised Anna - but the only surprise she got was the look in Meg's eyes. How shocked she looked. "You… came?"

Anna didn't hold down her little grin, her hand scratching the back of her neck. There was a slight uncertainty still in her heart. "How could I make someone wait for me if I didn't come?"

"Anna…"

"Don't get me wrong," her expression softened, "I… I just want something that… I don't -" She didn't know what to say - of course, coming unprepared was one of Anna's wonderful quirks. Deep breaths… " - I don't know what it is, but I couldn't stop thinking about it." About you. "I… I'm so tired of being alone, and you were the only person -"

"Don't say it." Meg offered her a hand. "Come on, there's a little section I wanted to bring you to. Stars and all. We don't have to talk."

What is this…? What the hell am I doing? Oh, she could keep asking herself that but she'd never find an answer. Love? Love wasn't an answer.

Anna just stared at the hand, like she was resisting being lured in. Resisting the love, the heated glow… everything, that was in front of her. But she took it. She placed her hand on top of Meg's warm open palm, and she let those tender fingers grasp her. Oh, and it felt amazing. Her heart nearly shattered at just a single touch - and she must have gone crazy for enjoying a simple hold of someone's fingers.

Anna smiled, gazing down. Ah, those eyes… she'd be afraid to stare at Meg. She didn't deserve it.

"See? It's not so scary to touch me." Meg nearly prompted her to laugh. "Come on, let's just go where you want to go."

a/n: ah... and a thousand fragile hearts break