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A preview of Larry’s John McAfee interview! ●Why Larry’s STILL glad he helped Charlie Brown commit suicide ● Why Coca Cola thinks you’re a chooch ● The only 3 Christmas movies worth watching ● Why polar bears are NOT cute ● Larry disses cheap (but rich) party givers ● What’s pissing by candlelight, and how can it be stopped? ● All this and more in this stark look at the hellidays!

With mere days until Christmas, what America needs now is mass sedation. How to do it? How about like in Goldfinger, where Pussy Galore and her flying circus of lesbians crop dust us with aerosol anesthesia. When we wake up, on Dec 26th, everything will be okay. If she were the first thing you’d see upon waking, things would be more than okay.

There are eleven other 25th days of the month, why does December’s torment us? I never liked John Lennon (his name was too similar that Commie with the pointy chin and the Greek fisherman’s hat – which I just learned is a Marxist dog-whistle – the hat, not the chin – but that’s for another episode), and I really dislike his “Christmas” song, but there’s no denying the poignancy (did I just use that word? Excuse me while I punch myself in the face) of the lines:

So this is Christmas, And what have you done

Another year over, And a new one just begun

For most with an IQ surpassing that of a Dalmatian (many of whom are inbred stupid), that line is a lyrical, time-sensitive sword of Damocles, always at the back of one’s mind as we scurry about, conducting our inconsequential affairs.

I’m not certain if, in this episode, I enumerated 10 things I hate about the holidays – it may have been 9 or 11, but who’s counting? The “Holiday Season” has become an assault on all five senses. Especially sound and sight.

How can I unsee this deranged Santa Claus, who is probably 15-feet high. What kind of fiend would not only create but display such a grotesque affront to St. Nick?

Since this is Los Angeles, betcha this guy worked, in some capacity, on The Polar Express, a movie that was not so much about Christmas as it was about Tom Hanks showing us he put the V in versatility, by voicing every character.

Was that Tom imitating the screech of the locomotive’s brakes? Who knows! Maybe Mr. Hanks is that good!!!!! Here’s Tom being versatile.

What the producers saved on hiring other voice actors, they should have put into the CGI characters’ eyes. Every one of them had orbs as dead as a hammerhead.

How about these lollipops that look like coiled blood sausage? Noel.

Merry Pokemon Christmas, everyone! What would the world be without Mary, Joseph and Pikachu?

What’s that? Why, it’s the Iron Giant – well known Christmas symbol.. And, look! There’s an elf on his big, tin shoulder. Alleluia!

Santa traded Rudolph and the reindeer team for a couple of polar bears, just like the Coca Cola corporation commanded. And hey, look at his Model T! Oh come let you adore…my stuff.

Inflatables don’t even look good at maximum inflation. Once the air seeps out, they look like giant, fiesta colored condoms on the lawn.

Ahh, Snoopy. He’s what Christmas is all about. Especially when you double dip the corporatism wand and make Snoop & the Peanuts gang… Dodgers! Nothing says Christmas like cartoons and baseball.

Does Snoop feel lonesome since I handed his master that fistful of Nembutal 3 Christmases ago, and sang him into oblivion with his own gloomy Christmas ditty? I wonder…

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