Chapter 5 - Dobby's Admonition

The crew stood in their circle of confusion for a moment after Max and NAD left the scene.

Just as they began to break formation, a stereotypical puff of smoke errupted in the center.

As the smoke cleared, they faced the image of Judge Dredd gone rouge.

"Durr! I'm El Mysterio, the new spooky ghost on this submarine!" he announced.

El Mysterio paced around the inside of the circle, assessing the crew members as he continued.

"I'm so spooky that..."

"BOO!" he yelled in Cedric's face.

"Scared?"

Cedric had drawn back, more startled than frightened.

He blinked a couple times before regaining composure.

"Here's the thing you should know about El Mysterio," El Mysterio continued, continuing to pace the circle.

"El Mysterio is so badass that he don't fuck around. He just goes and fucks shit up everywhere. He goes every day, straight up gangsta, ass boss hog mothafucker!"

El Mysterio did his best to mimic NAD's smirk.

"The best part is you can never kill me... Because I'm Never Fully Dead. Pretty badass, right?"

The crew stared at him, blankly.

"So if you don't want to fuck around with El Mysterio, gimme all your wenches so I can fuck 'em like a boss hog gangster! Best part is, none of you will never guess who I am, even though I know all of you in real life!"

El Mysterio let out a belly laugh.

"Pretty original right?"

"This isn't me, for those of you who are wondering."

The crew looked from EM, to NAD, and then back to EM.

"I legitimately prefer you over Never Always Dead," Ranon concluded.

NAD shrugged.

"El Mysterio is more swaggeriffic, but EM and NAD are infantsauce compared to infantsauce. Koobaxion was fucking up shit before it was cool."

Ranon looked a bit unsettled.

It was actually HE who had been fucking up shit before it was cool.

Cedric stole his schtick.

Ranon's thoughts were interupted by his preference speaking.

"Max is such a cool guy!" El Mysterio swooned.

"He's so charming and funny! You all should upvote his account all over the place, because of how charming he is. And in such great shape! Man, I sure do love Max. Really."

V shook his head in disgust.

"Fuck you, faggot!" called Eric.

"In great... shape?" Cedric repeated in disbelief.

NAD smirked Max's smirk.

"Yeah, if 'round' is a shape," he muttered under his breath.

NAD closed his eyes and took a moment to interpret everything that had happened so far.

First off, he had almost explicitly laid out for Max who he was, but Max couldn't name him.

Maybe he was still in shock.

Maybe Max was in denial that he was alive, or back to life, after he had killed him.

Maybe the experience was so traumatic, Max had tucked it away into the folds of his fat--

Did I say fat?

I meant unconscious.

...and didn't remember that he had ever existed at all...

NAD also pondered how long it would take the crew to realize he had magically reappeared on the wrong side of the hall, after walking off with Max chasing him.

Perhaps Max had caused an epidemic of slow reactions and realizations.

NAD noted that he would keep this in mind, and later spell things out more clearly.

It was sad how they didn't recognize obvious things, like how Nantucket was to Charles as Khrinan was to NevAlDe.

But really, how could they not notice him coming and going like that?

Then again, as they say, "The only way you can leave a room twice is if nobody sees you come back in."

El Mysterio was undoubtedly materialized electric energy, like Charles and Nantucket, but who created him?

NAD was made in the image of Max, and EM - NAD suppposed - was made in the image of him.

NAD felt a little honored to be copied, as copying is the highest form of flattery, but also was a bit insulted that his clone turned out to be an un-classy, unsophisticated douche bag.

Sometimes EM spoke like a normal person, but most of the time, he spoke in a 4chan dialect.

Because of this, NAD was forced to believe that EM was the result of a collaborative effort of two people.

Perhaps it was the lovers, Alex Pollak and Summer Zuber.

"I feel like this submarine is full of people pretending to be people," Ranon mumbled.

Suddenly, a new face appeared.

"So who are all of you?" she asked.

"I was searching for Fall Out Boy and you guys came up. What's going on?

V flailed his arms in excitement.

"THE CYCLE IS REPEATING ITSELF!"

The girl raised an eyebrow, but smiled.

"I'm Kassy, by the way..."

NAD looked the girl over, suspiciously.

There was no way this girl was real.

She was too new.

She was too perfectly timed.

As the Moscow Rules state, "Once is normal, twice is a coincidence, but three times is enemy opposition."

It seemed like the crew was creating "Casey" alts just to freak him out.

I mean, what the hell was with the name "Kassy?"

El Mysterio pushed the limits with a fake crush on Max.

NAD's thoughts were interrupted as V spoke.

"Hi, Kassy. I'm V, and I'm an addict."

With all eyes on him, Viesulas Sliupas gave a guilty smile.

"...Wait, no, that's wrong..."

Cedric shrugged.

"Hey, at least it's a real person this time."

"It's not," NAD assessed.

"It's not me, but it's not a real person."

Cedric looked at him, cockeyed.

"Proof?" he demanded.

NAD sighed.

Were they really this blind?

"Name 'Kassy'?" NAD began.

"There's no such thing as female redditors."

He threw his hand, as if to slap her, and his hand went through her.

Her image flashed binary code before stablizing again.

NAD quickly analyzed the digital information.

"Lonelyifonly. Redditor for 17 days. 1 link karma. 1 comment karma," he recited.

"Only one post on a sub other than ruleastwokings? Seems suspicious..."

NAD's eyes narrowed.

"Probably someone's alt. I'm just surmising. I could be wrong."

"This is completely retarded," the other Max snapped.

"Why are all these girls suddenly on board?"

"Scott probably let them in," Cedric scoffed.

NAD stepped forward, not telling the complete truth.

"I don't know about the others, but I have a key..."

Still, Cedric had a point.

Scott WAS notorious for flirting with anything that moved...

If the AIs were Casey's creations, Scott was most definitely the one who let her in.

Suddenly, a lightbulb in V's head went off.

"Oh yeah, where is Scott?"

There was an awkward silence.

It was true.

The conversation had fallen quiet without Scott's snarky remarks.

He should have been out to bitch about the body in the hallway the second it was found.

Pondering heads snapped back into reality and turned to the supply closet door as it clicked shut.

"Infantsauce? Is that you?" the other Max called.

"No, it's probably just another Max," Cedric smirked.

"Half true. It's me," Khrinan's voice answered.

Sure enough, NAD was no longer in the circle.

Cedric was about to ask why NAD was in the closet when the sexiest man alive, Patrick Tibor, strutted into the scene, swinging his hips seductively.

"Um... Scott's dead in the storage room, by the way..."

The crew stared at him, curiously, spewing things like, "What?" and "How?"

"He knew he was going to die."

Eyes shifted from Patrick to the supply room door.

"He did?" the other Max inquired, curiously.

From the other side of the door, Khrinan answered calmly.

"I told him he was going to die. He responded with, 'Well shit.'"

In an attempted vengence, V screeched and launched himself at the door.

There was a muffled "thud" from the impact.

Then V bounced back, blank-faced.

"Ow..."

He tried the handle.

Ranon stepped up.

"Excuse me, V..."

He politely cleared his throat.

"Will all occupants of this closet please move away from the entry way!"

Then, with a swift Sparta kick, the hinges snapped and the door neatly toppled to the ground.

The crew peered in; it was empty.

Scott's murderer had disappeared without a trace.

Ranon pulled on his detective hat and smiled his most charming smile.

"Gentlemen, we have a case on our hands!"

... Who could NAD be?

It couldn't be Scott.

Scott was dead.

It was time to think.

Who would want Scott dead?

(Well, who wouldn't want Scott dead?)

(But seriously... Who would kill Scott?)

Easy.

Alex Pollak would.

Khrinan saw these thoughts circulating in the crew members heads and sadly let herself out the escape chute.

He never listened to her admonitions, though she had warned him before.