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You and I, we disagree on just about everything, that’s for sure.

I’m not going to sugarcoat it for your listening pleasure, at least not this time.

You say, “tomato,” I say, “testicles”—see how far our worlds are apart? I’m breaking all the religious rules and coloring outside all of the conservative lines. And not just that—I’m pretty sure I’ll be going straight to hell, too.

The precise moment our mutual paths of faith started to diverge, I’m not exactly sure. Yet, one thing is certainly crystal clear, we sing from very different songbooks now.

Perhaps to your surprise, however, there is one particular chorus you’re constantly barking into my ears that I can gladly meet with one hundred percent agreement and enthusiasm—conservative Evangelical Christianity, you’re damn right I’m in rebellion.

You got me, you caught me, you smoked it out of my soul—quick, call the Elders to hold me accountable with a “come to Jesus” small group intervention. It’s true, I’m pushing back and even punching at the throat of nearly everything you hold to be true and life giving.

I’m sorry, but enough is enough—your tone policing, guilt tripping, glare giving, bible thumping, fear mongering tractor beams aren’t going to suck me back into your Evangelical Death Star anymore. I’ve tasted and seen the fruits of your faith convictions, my days of grin-and-bear-it are over. Today is the day of my emancipation, I’m finally drawing the line by erasing all of yours. Bravery has overcome and broken my heart wide open—my truth will not be silenced and my life imprisoned any longer. I have a song to sing, a verse to put down—and it just so happens, the opening lines go a little something like this, “Conservative Evangelical Christianity, you can bet your ass I’m in rebellion…”

Every time you play school-yard-bully to the LGBTQ community, I’m going to be all up in your kindergarten Kool-Aid until the Teacher blows the whistle. For who the hell do you think you are, speaking divine condemnation over an entire group of God-adored people? Is your head so far up your ideological rear end you don’t realize the lives that you’re destroying?

Oh please, don’t give me anymore of this, “The bible says…” crap as your spiritual justification and defense. We heard you pimp that same evil rhyme to justify black slavery and lynchings on trees—yah, that’s the ultra-lame level of your exegetical capacity. Your slight of hand with the Scriptures may have seemingly sanitized your schemes in the past, but people are starting to unshackle from your spiritual control tactics and fully engage the mind of Christ within them—all to your apparent dismay and obsessive fear of freedom. For a great awakening of divine revelation is sweeping across the planet, your “clear teachings of the Bible” aren’t so clear, but one thing certainly is—to increasingly follow Jesus is to increasingly come into fierce rebellion against your bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, and bible idolatry.

So, yes, you’re damn right I’m in rebellion, especially when you seem to have an unprecedented expertise in drawing people onto the wrong side of history, the Bible, and the heart of Jesus.

Every time you push your white conservative male heterosexual privilege on church and society, I’m going to be calling your scheming lust for supremacy out of the shadows. In fact, I gotta hand it to you, you’ve been super slick with your starch-pleated packaging. That whole, “Men should be the spiritual leaders of the home,” “America is a Christian nation,” and “God didn’t create Adam and Steve” mantra might appear, to the untrained eye, to simply be a noble reflection of your desire to honor your faith convictions. Sadly, the truth is much more perverse and diabolical. In fact, wipe the lipstick off that conservative Evangelical pig and your real aspirations ooze like pus to the surface—power and privilege.

Why can’t women be truly seen and treated as equal to men in all things? White conservative male heterosexual power and privilege—that’s why.

Why can’t America be a place of true religious freedom where all faiths are equally valued, recognized, and observed? White conservative male heterosexual power and privilege.

Why can’t we be a nation of true equality where all colors, genders, orientations, nationalities, ages, and classes are afforded equal human dignity, value, and rights? You guessed it—white conservative male heterosexual power and privilege.

So, let’s get real.

For you, it’s not about Jesus, it never has been. It’s not about true Christianity, it never has been. It’s not even about sin and faithfulness to God, it never has been. That’s all one big spiritual veil to your monstrous agenda—power and privilege.

For if it were all about Jesus, true Christianity, sin, and faithfulness to God, here’s what I do know for sure—you’d be doing so much house cleaning there’d be no time or energy for all your religious bloviating, condemnation, and insisting on your own ways in society.

The truth is, when it comes to “God, country, home, and church,” it’s always been about white male heterosexual power and privilege, and sadly, it seems it always will—even to your ultimate demise. For the spiritual and biblical gymnastics you’re apparently willing to go through in attempt to make Jesus the hood ornament of your white conservative male heterosexual world bulldozer are not only baffling, but finally being exposed for their true evil.

So, yes, you’re damn right I’m in rebellion against your white conservative male heterosexual ego trip and world pillaging tour, and I have this sense, so is a brown-skinned Jewish-born middle-Eastern refugee named Jesus. And together, we’re going to be chasing your junk out the temple.

Every time you come at me with a faith understanding that requires me to turn off my brain and reject common sense, I’m going to be defending my sanity and questioning yours with the mind that Christ gave me. In fact, though faith in the unseen and incomprehensible is a healthy and necessary ingredient to following Jesus, I find that the more faith I place in Him, the more He desires for me to rethink yours.

I’m sorry, but the mind of Christ within me won’t stop setting off alarms deep inside my being nearly every time you quote the Bible at me. You’re so insistent on its inerrancy and your exclusive interpretations of it—which is more than enough reason for anyone’s suspicion. For the time has come where I can no longer subscribe to a God who smashes babies on rocks, a 6,000 year old earth, and a sadistic Father who requires the brutal death of His own Son to prevent Him from sending the very people He claims to love into a hell of eternal torture if they don’t love Him back in return—precisely.

With all due respect, this is my stop, and I’m going to have to cash in my chips this time. But I promise, I do so giving you the benefit of the doubt in believing you don’t truly subscribe to this twisted level of theological insanity. Rather, you hold to a literalism and inerrancy of Scripture like a stripper to a pole because you desperately need it in order conform, control people, and justify your blasphemy to the doubts, insecurities, and inconsistencies you suppress deep within.

So, yes, you’re damn right I’m in rebellion, for the Spirit of Christ within me has convinced my soul that turning off my brain is the last thing He desires for me to do—especially around your funhouse of smoke and mirrors.

Every time you try to grow me into your own personal ChiaPet for Jesus, I’m going to be breaking every mold and pushing past every barrier in which you hope to contain me. In fact, God already finished His work in my life through the cross where He perfected me, so anything you’re hoping to add on, I can know for sure, is nothing but just a steaming pile of horse shit religion.

You can take all your rules, to-do steps, sin-management tactics, growth formulas, and attributes of a genuine “sold-out’ Christian. You can have all your worship concerts, schools, conferences, t-shirts, books, movies, and clubs with crosses on top. None of those drugs work, but only serve to keep people strung-out and addicted to your religious prescriptions.

Hear me, and hear me well. I’m not a project for your spiritual gratification where everything you pour into my life is ultimately purposed on growing me into your own conservative Evangelical image. I’m not a toy to play with, a robot to program, or an action figure for you to bend, twist, dress up, and march into your battles to condemn and conquer the world. I’m not a seed engineered to fill your fields, produce your fruits, and feed your insatiable conservative Evangelical ego. And most of all, I’m not a title belt from your fat-bellied conservative Evangelical smack down upon the world.

So, yes, you’re damn right I’m in rebellion, and I’m going to be all the more. For every time you seek to lobotomize the minds and souls of good people and assimilate them into your conservative Evangelical Borg, I’m going to be the resistance you can’t stop, control, or keep from exposing your evil agenda to rid the world of true freedom and joy.

Every time you prequalify people for love and encourage me to do the same, I’m going to be loving people all the more lavishly and unconditionally with a Grace that frustrates you to the core and exposes your shame. For the unstoppable force of Grace cannot be overcome—bending every religious knee and breaking down every wall. Watch, as every pretentious, judgmental, religiously-spirited, greedy, hypocritical, and imperialistic fruit dangling off your conservative Evangelical tree is being shaken to the ground. For nothing makes a better compost than the ruins of your evil system of faith, out of which God is resurrecting a Grace-awakening that gathers the broken and sends the religious scattering in its wake.

I will not stop, and I will not hesitate. Everywhere you bring your condemnation, I’m bringing divine affirmation. Everywhere you bring your exclusiveness, I’m bringing divine inclusiveness. Everywhere you bring your rules, conditions, and regulations, I’m bringing divine emancipation.

And not just that—everywhere you bring your conditions, qualifications, and fine print, I’m bringing a Love that overcomes them all.

For everywhere you bring your evil, I’m going to be bringing Jesus.

So, yes, conservative Evangelical Christianity, you’re damn right—I’m a free-thinking, Grace-preaching, LGBTQ-affirming, equality-defending, craft beer-drinking, occasionally-cussing, Jesus-lover in rebellion.

Not just rebellion, but full force resistance.

Which leaves me with the ultimate question of the century—with all your talk about Jesus and how much you love Him, why aren’t you in rebellion too?

Grace is brave. Be brave.

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