Guess what, Chefs are nuts. If you haven’t been following this site then you suck and need to catch up (or subscribe) but trust me, we are.

Now, I love what I do, I mean that with every bit of my cold black soul. I myself would never in a million years do anything to harm a customers or even a former employer. But some of you, customers that is, are total fucking assholes, and from time to time I will take a stand. But there are limits.

This shit would get someone fired in my Kitchen, but it does bring a smile to my face and points out why you don’t want to fuck with us. It’s a semi-fictional account, I say “semi” since I would never fuck with someones food, but I know a lot of people who just don’t give a shit and could care less about standards. But notice how the Chef corrects the line cook for mixing two style of food, like a true Chef, cause like I said, we are fucking nuts.

And from time to time, someone has to take one for the team. As the Head Chef, executive Chef, motherfucker in charge, whatever, I have to keep a certain amount of credibility and respect (despite the blue hair and ink). But my dishwashers don’t.

Dishwashers are the pawns in the game. Most of them don’t have the experience to cook, are too lazy, or are full-time dealers who just need a legit gig for show. They are used to getting nasty, they can be bribed a lot cheaper than most of the other crew, and chances are it’s not hard to blackmail them. They are the scum of the Restaurant industry and I treat mine like gold and love em to death.

I started in this game in the pit. I was so short that I couldn’t reach the drain in the big ass sink but I was able to keep up. Every great Chef starts in the pit and works their way up from there. If you walked out of school and onto the line and haven’t done your time then I’m stating for the record that you my friend, can go fuck yourself. It teaches humility and makes you respect your staff. No one, not myself, not Chef White, not Chef Keller, no one is to good to scrub pots and take out garbage. If you think you are then you’re a bigger asshole then I am.

Now that I’m a Chef, they do my bidding. Most of them can get good weed cheep and fast (see above), they ease drop on the wait staff and keep me informed of what’s going on both in and out of my restaurant so that I can take preemptive action if needed (I could care less about gossip) and they can do a lot of things that I just don’t have the time to keep up with.

Say what you want to but if my dishwasher walks out on a Friday night, the place is fucked. They keep the gears rolling, they keep the ice bin full, dry rags folded and with-in reach, they clean up all sorts of things in the bathroom that I won’t even mention on this site. And people for the most part, disrespect them and treat them like shit.

One of the best guys I ever worked with (I wont say where or when) introduced himself by coming up and saying “Hey White boy, you smoke green right?” to which I responded “Hell yeah!” and was handed a half ounce. Before I could even say anything he told me he had drawn my name in the Secret Santa pool at work and to let him know if I needed anything else. The guy turned out to be one of the best dealers I’ve ever had. I miss that dude.

What little “Spanish” I know is due to my guys in Oakland who, once I proved that I wasn’t some lazy privileged gringo, took me under there wing and where some of the coolest people I’ve gotten to know. I’ve lived all over and people are people, these guys go through hell to get here and then work there asses off in shit jobs that most of us are to good to do. They are loyal good people that are living the American dream one day at a time and trying to give there family a better life. Yeah, some of em are assholes but I’ve never met a race of people that where free from there own stereo types so get over it.

Granted, we had a lot of tension due to “cultural misunderstandings” but the night shit hit and some asshole made the mistake of trying to start a fight with me, I had 3 armed Mexicans behind me ready and willing to kill the guy. 15 minutes later we where back to talking shit about each other but that’s the way it works.

That guy you see taking out the trash, he’s the guy that might slash your tires if you make that waitress he has a crush on cry, and I’ll swear to the cops he was in the Kitchen the whole time cause we take care of our own. Keep that in mind and tip well…….