The definition of unapologetic is “not acknowledging or expressing regret.” The term is sometimes used to describe the way people act or the way that they present themselves to others, i.e., “an unapologetic feminist” or “he is unapologetically gay.”

In my experience, it is easy, in theory, to be unapologetic. Sitting behind this keyboard, I can espouse all sorts of opinions about why I think something should be and that’s that. My activist words will scream off the page, I will denounce the other side without any sort of retribution and I will feel good about myself. I can self-righteously plant a flag of superiority with words, cross my arms in satisfaction and give a reassuring head nod of “yup, I’m not backing down.”

Then, I leave the comfort of my computer screen, and, in practice, I lose the sense of what it means to be unapologetic. It is hard to pinpoint, but being an unapologetic gay dad is so much easier in theory then in practice.

I will lecture someone at a dinner that same-sex couples are like any couple and shouldn’t think twice what other people think of them. Then, my husband and I will go out to breakfast and I find myself acting shy (no pun intended), almost meek, to servers or others who greet us or tell us our child is super cute (which they do because he is). It is instinctive and annoying. The point here isn’t that being unapologetic should translate into letting the server know, “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” in obvious ways such as saying “I’d like the Eggs Benedict and yes we are homos” but there should be at least a modicum of pride that presents as even a muted version of the famed queer slogan.

So what to do?

I suppose I can take cues from famous people. There’s the comedian, Michelle Wolf, who spoke at the latest White House Correspondents Dinner and ended up pissing off some people while eliciting praise from others. She didn’t apologize after her set. But, then again, not apologizing sort of became her brand and she now has a show on Netflix that preaches unapologetic feminism so that’s not such a good example. Don’t get me wrong — I watch it and love it but it’s just hard to take anyone acting unapologetic seriously when there’s a TV deal involved.

Then, there’s the Fab 5 on Netflix’s Queer Eye (this isn’t product placement, I swear), who are all extremely unapologetically gay. Then again, they are being paid to be and even if these are their true personalities, which I don’t doubt they are, it is still reality TV.

So, how does one make the jump from theory to practice?

I think the answer to being unapologetically anything in practice is just that: practice (hey-o with the puns again). If you want to be, oh, I don’t know, say…an unapologetically gay father then the answer is to practice. Say husband all the time when referring to your husband. Don’t avoid awkward conversations about why it is only moms at Tumble Time (seriously, why is it only moms at Tumble Time?). Gay it up. Take the theory from the computer screen and put it into practice in real life. Be unapologetically you.

Happy Pride.