BUT

…

What?

*shocked silence*

I’m upset.

Before I launch into my inevitable poppycock, let us take a moment or fifteen to mourn Abby Griffin; a woman who came to the end of her epic goddamn JOURNEY last night. Hey, remember that time Abby engaged in some fun espionage in space with a teen, and they ended up being best friends forever? Remember when she crashed to Earth in a used-up old space-motor-home? Remember when she became the leader of her people (mostly). Remember when she saved Lincoln? Remember how she coached the Beautiful Creepster in heart-pumping? Remember when she, along with Octavia, paid the price of her own soul in order to keep the bunker-folk alive?

I didn’t always see the wisdom in Abby’s decisions, but I always saw the intention. Abby was a hero. She wanted to do good. She didn’t always succeed (sorry BeefKane!), but the desire was ever present. And let’s just state the obvious, shall we? Abby was awesome. She was an intelligent, talented, fierce, lives-savin’, sass throwing, protective ass-kicker. Abby was the original mama bear. And we will miss her so damn much.

And how about that Paige Turco getting a shot at the ol’ double-character performance! She instantly nailed Simone; her arrogance, her power, her bitchin’ hairdo. After I got over the shock and grief, I became excited to see where this character will go now that she’s inhabiting the body of our beloved doctor.

I know the answer to this, but HOW ARE YOU? On a scale of 1 to “GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE I AM A MESS”, how broken are your hearts?

Season 6 has been a masterpiece of storytelling, but it’s also been a very tough blow for longtime fans. First Marcus Kane, then Abby Griffin, two characters who have been with us since the start of this bonkers ride. AND WE WERE DENIED THE PAUNA CAMEO??? Sure, we’ve been spoiled with the quality of the season, but we’ve been through some shit, too, and we all should probably just eat some damn ice cream.

Madi is barely Madi anymore, and Clarke is NOT pleased about it. The death of Clarke seemed to be the final blow to push her mind over the edge into Sheidland. Everything is “we” this and “we” that, like some newly coupled 20-somethings. Sheidheda is full-on using Madi as a microphone, not even bothering to pretend like Madi is at the wheel. “I will kill this child.” Like, damn, Sheid, way to show your hand!

Anyway, for some reason Russel has it out for a 12 year old girl (???) and decided to drain her dry for the last two doses of nightblood juice (even though he could have done it himself, ugh, the privilege on this guy), something Abby (and Raven and Jackson) were NOT about.

Then Clarke-Jo came in to stir up some shit, and Abby sassed (read: threatened) Russel for murdering her daughter, but it’s fine, everything’s fine.

Adjustment Protocol may have taken away, but it also giveth. The Blake siblings are BACK, Bitches! Octavia gave Bellamy a pep talk about having faith in others, and having hope that they’ll save their loved ones, then they high-fived and hugged and did a secret handshake from their childhood and reminisced about old times and did impressions of their parents and choreographed a dance together to Come On Get Happy, then they both cried and we cried, and everyone was crying.

I’m sure they have some more healing to do, but this moment was HUGE.

Back in Sanctumville, Raven, Abby and Jackson were brainstorming ways to save Madi, while also starting Abby’s amends tour for no reason at all, why do you ask? She and Jackson shared a beautiful moment where they came to an understanding about their past, and what they both had to / currently have to do to survive, while trying their best to keep their souls. It was truly touching, considering everything these two have been through from day one, and even before we met them. This relationship has always been special; the kind of bond forged in the intensity of an operating room, and strengthened in the heat of battle (emotional, political, and literal). I was very happy these two got their moment, as bitter-sweet as it turned out to be (NO REASON!).

Then Abby went ahead and gave herself the nightblood shot so SHE could donate bone marrow instead of her granddaughter, and I’m sure that’s fine, everything’s fine.

What a sweet, beautiful reunion that is in no way heartbreaking for reasons we now know but wish we didn’t!

Clarke came back for a victory lap and some glorious hugs. You all KNOW how happy I was in this moment (foolish, foolish Toni). I actually yelled out, “HUGS!” which confused some guests in the hotel lobby I had to watch the show in.

Clarke went to find Ryker to shut down the shield, but whoopsie, Echo had already murdered him. But no worries, she just went ahead and popped his chip on outta his head, and bingo-bango, she had something to bargain with. Russel showed up to put his wife into Echo, but when that didn’t work out, he sent Clarke-Jo to fix all the things (haha, idiot).

Some guards accidentally spilled the beans on the multiple naming day action going on, so Gabe was like, “that’s my cue!” and rushed in to save the day / mess everything up. He dropped the toxin into the pond and got himself arrested, solving absolutely zero problems, and perhaps even causing some more. Good try, buddy!

Echo, Miller and Gaia (or, as they shall henceforth be known, the Bestie Buds) were hiding out in the pub, helped by Delilah’s parents. Clarke-Jo showed up to get Priya to unlock the door for her pals by spinning a yarn about Ryker losing his nerve instead of being super dead. This subterfuge was interrupted by some fisticuffs and reunion hugs (for real you guys, this Clarke / Echo hug turned me into a fist-pumping, giggling wacko). So now everyone in the Squad knows that Clarke is Clarke except for Madi, which I’m sure won’t cause problems in the future (I’m very scared about this, you guys).

Abby and Raven took their turn for a beautiful, heartwarming reconciliation, where Abby promised to never hurt Raven again, and Raven promised to stop being so judgy, and Abby told Raven that she’s family. It was amazing and tear-inducing, and it’s fine, everything’s fine.

After giving the Beautiful Creepster (her other best friend) some sage advice on how not to be a d-bag, Abby observed that they didn’t have enough hosts for the amount of Primes being brought back. But according to Russel, they did.

This hurt. This hurt a lot. Russel wiped Abby as Jackson and Raven fought and screamed, had their hearts torn out and squashed on the floor. Abby has meant so much to both of them, and they had to watch her disappear in a single moment. I have nothing snarky to say about this. I’m still upset.

Anyway, Russel and Gabe had a chat that was like, “maybe killing is wrong?” and then Russel laughed so hard and was like, “oh shit, you’re serious,” and then he was all, “why can’t I look away from your deep, soulful eyes?” and Gabe responded, “look in the mirror, handsome.” The whole argument was just a distraction to give the toxin time to work, and to give Clarke time to bring down the shield, but Russel ain’t no noob, he knows a fake eclipse when he sees one.

The Beautiful Creepster and Emori went on a strange and wonderful ride this episode, and the first leg of the journey was aboard the immortal Prime train, while also gazing at the Adventure Squad bus barreling beside it, throwing out suggestions to try to keep Echo alive. The look of shame when they saw Madi knocking on death’s porch window was delicious, and this was likely the time when they started considering getting a transfer (I really rode this public transportation bit too far, and my God I’m still doing it, someone help me).

Meanwhile, Clarke made Priya bring down the shield, and hugs abounded!

Bellamy told everyone the truth, which Priya confirmed, then Russel ordered the adjustment protocol, which was a nice way of saying ‘kill everyone who doesn’t believe we’re Gods.” Dick move, dude! He threw a concentrated toxin into the crowd, making them go murderously bonkers. Priya was taken out by Delilah’s parents, which was weirdly satisfying to me. You get your revenge, Cookie Man!!

The result of this development wasn’t so great, though, because then the crazed hoard turned on our Squad and they had to skedaddle, leaving Clarke and Gaia to chase after their loved ones. Miller tried to jump into danger to follow Jackson, but Octavia stopped him, likely saving his life. She took some anger for this, STORY OF HER LIFE, ammiright??? I know what the show is trying to do, I know how Miller must be feeling about all the horrible shit he had to do, and I know he needs someone to blame for it, but this still made *sad face* so hard.

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *sobs forever*

Simone sauntered out looking stunning as all hell in Abby’s body and it was so damn horrible and amazing and soul crushing. Mega-crazy props to both of these women. Paige Turco made Abby disappear, and in her place was Simone. That is some darn tooting amazing acting. As for Eliza Taylor, you could actually see the moment Clarke’s heart tore into tiny pieces, and then the moment she realized she had to pull it together to save her people.

I CANNOT.

Simone, in her ultimate sociopathic wisdom, decided the Primes would go to space and take over the ship until things cooled down in Sanctum. So she threatened Madi’s life until Raven agreed to give them a lift, and they took a spare hostage just in case, leaving what’s left of Sanctum to our boy Gabe.

AND THE LAND REJOICED. Emori and the Beautiful Creepster were NOT having any of this nonsense. Killing Abby was the last straw. They stayed behind to save their friends because YEAH THEY DID. And Clarke was like, “cool, high-five,” and Murphy was all, “FYI Jo thinks high-fives are beneath her.” It took a hot second to acknowledge Clarke’s survival, but that hot second was MAGIC. Then it was up to space for the Primes.

Hi Indra! Hi Niylah! Can you guys clean up this mess real quick??

And that, ladies in gentleman, is that. I won’t even ask how you all are, because I know. This was a tough episode. This one hurt. But amongst the pain there was joy, and that’s life, isn’t it? Do I love that Abby was killed a few episodes after losing her romantic interest? Not really. I would have liked to see how she grew as a character after Kane’s death, outside of KaneAndAbbysSexualTension. But I see why this was done, and I respect the vision of the creators, and- WHO AM I KIDDING, BRING HER BAAAAAAAAAACK I’M SO UPSET!

*ahem*

I have said it before, and I’ll likely say it three hundred and seventy six more times; Season 6 is a masterpiece. It’s taken us on an emotional, exciting, cerebral ride that is now culminating with some of the highest stakes we’ve seen, arguably throughout the series. Yes, there were past threats to the Squad, and there were world-wide catastrophes, but never before have our heroes been this raw and exposed. They were all teetering on an emotional precipice at the close of Season 5, and this season is deciding their fate. It wasn’t just about living or dying, it was about HOW they’ll live or die; what kind of people they’ll grow to be beyond survival. That to me is more intense than any threat they’ve faced before.

I’m both scared and jazzed for next week’s season finale. The entirety of the Squad is in danger, either hunted by wacko townsfolk, possessed by a grim-reaper wannabe, kidnapped by some immortals, or facing a space-standoff.

We could try to predict what might happen, but has that ever worked out for us? This show doesn’t play by the TV trope rules. So all we can do is pick our favourite snack, sit down in from of our screens next week and cross our fingers and toes for our beloved Adventure Squad.

SOME STUFF



THE SINGLE TEAR SLIDING DOWN ABBY’S FACE HOW DARE YOU.

“It wasn’t always fair how I judged you.” Please put this on a t-shirt for Raven.

Abby’s breakdown when she thought Clarke was really gone was beautifully heart-wrenching. Give Paige Turco awards and treats, please.

The Primes don’t deserve their stylist.

For a brief moment after Abby was stabbed by the mind-wipe needle, I thought, “but she has the mesh! She’ll be okay.” Then I remembered she was EMPed, and the goop was oozed out of her neck, and also that this is The 100. They wouldn’t use the same plot device twice, and they wouldn’t pull their punches. They would absolutely take her from us.

Emori and Murphy’s new identities being brother and sister was an amusing moment of levity in a very tense episode, so thank you for that.

WHERE IS JORDAN THOUGH?

Miller calling Jackson “Jax” made me swoon. #MacksonForever

Well done, Kim Shumway. I’m mad at you for making me cry so hard, but I can’t stay mad at you, but maybe I can because I cried REALLY hard and it made my face all snotty, but ugh fiiiiiiiiine, okay, fight over.

“Just so you know, Josephine called me John.” Murphy’s micro-smile when he realized Clarke was Clarke made my heart sing.

Why is the Flame protecting Sheidheda you guys????

This week’s review is shorter than usual because I’m on a family vacation. On a personal note, Canada is as beautiful as ever, water parks are awesome, and being an aunt is the best.

If you got to possess Paige Turco’s body, would you ever stop looking in the mirror?

OKAY LATER THANK YOU FOR COMING STAY SAFE OUT THERE!