It's hurtful to be left out.

That's why I've been miffed at Patrick Zarrelli. Dude's threatened everybody who is anybody amongst mood-disordered middle-aged lawbloggers. Scott Greenfield. Mark Bennett. Brian Tannebaum. Keith Lee. But not me. What the fuck, Patrick Zarrelli? Am I not a man? Am I not a lawblogger? If you annoy me, am I not a prick?

But it's all better now. Patrick's sent me my own rant. I feel . . . pretty.

There's backstory, of course. It begins, as narrative convention requires, in Florida. Gary Ostrow is a lawyer, technically. He posted an amusingly buffoonish self-promoting press release, which drew derision from lawbloggers. A year later, Ostrow reacted with tragicomic threats and bluster against the lawbloggers, which is like attempting to deter a dog by throwing bacon at it.

Ostrow, showing the acumen that led him to bluster at lawbloggers in the first place, hired a cartoon character named Patrick Zarrelli to fix the situation. Patrick Zarrelli is what you would get if a spray tan achieved semi-sentience. Now remember: when you outsource your marketing, you outsource your ethics and reputation. Zarrelli descends into an arm-flailing frenzy of bumptious threats, weird phone calls, demented state bar complaints, phantom criminal charges, and general dipshittery, nicely summarized here and here. Hiring Patrick Zarrelli to fix your online reputation is like hiring Mad Max to detail your car.

I didn't write about Patrick Zarrelli, in part because of a nagging suspicion that he's a hallucination resulting from certain pharmaceutical imbalances and preoccupations with bad marketing. But this go-around, after he threatened Keith Lee again, I decided to write him asking for a comment. I sent him a message on his Reddit account:

Dear Mr. Zarrelli, I write about free speech issues, and especially the intersection of legal threats and online culture. I'm working on a story about your legal threats. I write to ask if you'd be interested in or willing to answer some questions or provide any comment. Thank you, Ken White

The result was everything I could have dreamed.

Lol Ken, you write for one of the sites who attacked me! In the attack the lawyers said I do cocaine, my mom is an alcoholic, my dad was arrested for cocaine trafficking lol. All of these are complete lies, and just the begging of the libelous speech they used against me. Moreover they did it on their official legal websites. Where they do not have free speech, they actually have heavily governed speech by their respective bar associations. We have multiple complaints in committee right now, a couple more in appeal. The attack against us was organized, but weak, the attorneys are not web developers, they are just blowhards, with nothing but blog posts in their arsenal. Which leaves them very vulnerable online. As far as I can tell my team online is much better than the loose affiliation of the people attacking me. Also my name is already ruined online and will never be completely fixed. So us retaliating has zero affect on me, just like your article will. As a matter of fact the more you guys write, the more it will begin to drown itself out online, and the more fuel you will provide our counter articles. So im not sure what you are trying to do here? Would you like to be included in this online war? Go ahead! Lets see what a mess we can make of everyone's good names online!!!

About the attack against me: The lawyers all know each other and work together online it was not an organic attack, it was manufactured.

Also as soon as the lawyers wrote with that language and misinformation on their official sites they were bar complaint worthy. Hence why some went all the way to committee.

As soon as they left their sites and began attacking me on my social media pages, and constantly calling my house and office, it became stalking and harassment. Hence why they have criminal charges sitting on the State Attorneys desk right now for their associates like Tim Cushings.

Also we own every attorneys name and every person who attacked us online even every commentator. As soon as the complaints are over we will be launching response websites for all of them. Then we are going to follow it up with mulitple national press release to tie these attorneys to their darkest blogs for life.

I do this for a living I have over 10,000 published blogs. I have programmers, designers, and an army of writes on staff. I own more sites than all of you combined and have over 80 other sites, with blogs, under mgmt. So you attack does not scare me and is pathetic. I have more than enough resources for a legal fight, and I have enough online resources to bury these attorneys and their fellow attackers in avalanche of press.

I only sat quit during the attack, because I wanted to let them all bury themselves and burn themselves out. Again I do this for a living. Now there is literally nothing else they can do to me. They have done their worse. Why do you think a blogger/programmer like me would sit and say "please stop attacking me?" I was letting them dig their hole. I could have battled with them right then and their but that would have been fools gold. Since I knew the bar complaints were coming out, I wanted my side clean, and I wanted to give the bar the fair chance to police its own. Those sanctioned by the bar will be left out of the responses. Those unsanctioned will receive multiple response articles and their very own website!

When the complaints are over, I will put up my responses in an organized and sweeping manor and since lawyers are always Googled before people use them it will cost the attorneys tens of thousands of dollars in cases. Moreover I'm going to be releasing a myriad of press releases including "Texas Bar Supports Cyber Bullying" "Said Lawyer Tries To cyber Bully Web Developer" "Pathetic Lawyers Try to Act Tough Online" Etc. I'm going to show everyone all the lies in these articles, then I'm going to tie the attorneys, and their bar associations to these blogs permanently online.

I have multiple attorneys and copy right agents I work with that will review everything before it goes up. I literally have probably 25 attorneys sites under management and have been sued by Charlie Sheen, Farrah the Teen Mom, and host of other people way more powerful than the people attacking me and have never lost a case. I cant even remember the last time I didn't have a case pending in federal or state court for one of my media sites. So I'm def not scared of a legal battle or these group of attorneys who are at the bottom of their respective fields. As far as I can see because Ive researched everyone involved. Im way more successful than any of them. I think because they keep sharing a Twitter pic from 20 years ago, and since they attacked me while I was breaking my PrintKiller.com site into The Print Killer Media Network (My site was ranked in the top 10% of the nation and had 40,000 articles on it, so it need to be smashed into multiple sites for greater success, traffic, and advertising revenue). That im weak online or just a kid. But, the reality is I'm much more successful than all of them combined, and am a 36 year old adult not a kid, running a top tier tech team. Mo rover we do this everyday, we get paid to do this, I can literally send out an email to my writers on a particular topic and easily publish 40+ articles a day. So i can bury each attacker with one days work. Not to mention we are online all day, so if they try to clean their name we will simply SEO our stuff back to the top. Im not looking at this like a a quick brawl online, I'm looking at this like a life long fight.

Meanwhile since the attack on me and my family from the attorneys I actually got more clients! So this whole thing is just going to feed me rep mgmt client after client, its going to be good free marketing for me. I got two clients that the attorneys attacked themselves being cleaned online as we speak! They called me after the initial attack and said they had been attacked by the attorneys as well lol. Thanks for the free $10k referral guys!!! That's really the only reason I didn't file the federal lawsuit against them. I knew I had them by the balls with the libel claim, but I had not damages. Literally no one I know has ever read their blogs, no one has ever even mentioned it to me.

You're older esteemed lawyer Ken White correct? I know you were referred form the other lawyer I spoke with yesterday. Because I never use this page. So why pose like your going to write an honest article, when you work with a site I filed a bar complaint on? Why pose like your writing an honest article when you were sent to this page by a lawyer attacking me? that seems pretty dishonest and unethical don't you think?

The company who organized this attack Tech Dirt. Is broke. Has written about leveraging and manufacturing the "Streisand affect" to bully people online. Which means they knew exactly what they were doing, that it was unethical, and most likely illegal. Its not free speech to organize against someone and spread libelous speech intentionally in an attempt to hurt them because they filed a bar complaint on you. When this all comes to light, and it will soon, You guys are going to be shows as a bunch of legal bully's, trying to protect their own, in a fraudulent and libelous attack on a lay person. And I'm pretty confident the public will take my side. I have meticulously tracked all of you, your affiliations, your firms, and this attack. I have documented and screen shot all communications including some on social media and in hidden online news rooms.

Here is a neat link on the company who started this attack Tech Dirt:

[link to even bigger lunatic's disturbing site omitted]

You guys are going to look really professional and honest attached to this press release.