WASHINGTON, DC — At a hastily-convened press conference near his old stomping grounds, the Federal Reserve Bank, former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan announced he is ending his longtime allegiance to the philosophy and books of Ayn Rand and switching his commitment to horror novelist and born-again Catholic Anne Rice. “I have finally come to the realization that financial institutions are lead by a bunch of bloodsuckers,” said a pale black-clad Greenspan, “And nobody knows bloodsuckers better than Anne Rice.”

Greenspan was once a member of Ayn Rand’s inner circle and his autographed copy of “Atlas Shrugged” is inscribed: “To Alan, my little laissez fairy.” But the recent financial crisis has forced Greenspan to question Rand’s laissez-faire capitalism and look for a reason why his free market model stopped working. “I was in a bookstore moving copies of my memoir, “The Age of Turbulence: Adventures in a New World,” from fiction to non-fiction when I picked up a copy of “Interview With The Vampire.” By Chapter 2 I knew that Lestat was a brilliant metaphor for Lehman Brothers, and the blood he gorged on symbolized subprime mortgages drenched in red ink. That’s when I found my new Ayn.” Greenspan left the bookstore with copies of all of Rice’s books, making him the only person outside of Rice’s family to actually buy “Blackwood Farm.”

When told of Greenspan’s newfound love of her works, a horrified Anne Rice was seen running to the nearest church screaming “Bless me Father for I have sinned!” Andrea Mitchell, Greenspan’s wife and longtime NBC News political correspondent, blames the conversion on Greenspan’s recent testimony before Congress. “I know the feeling,” said Mitchell. “After a couple of hours with Barney Frank, I’m ready to trade my Wall Street Journal for “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.””

Followers of Rand are hoping Greenspan comes to his senses and returns to the fold soon. Ayn Rand Institute spokesperson Dayn Rogers put it this way: “Our annual Anti-Christmas Party won’t be the same without Alan dancing around with that fake faucet stuck to his forehead, yelling “Look, I’m a Fountainhead!”