T

he Birmingham Water Works Board is doing it again,

who have seen their bills skyrocket since the turn of the century.

Why?

Because they can't stop themselves.

Here's why, as the board increases rates by another 4.9 percent to start the year, the very thought of these Bozos should make your head explode.

10. It's out of control. After years of annual rate increases, this one will bring the total water rate increase to about 199 percent since 2001. That means, for the math challenged, you'll pay three times as much for water now as you did when the Twin Towers fell.

9. It is worse than the county commission. Any rate increase enacted by the Water Works will go on top of already overwhelming sewer rates, which are based on water usage and included on the same bills. Sewer customers have faced 146 percent increases since 2001, and while rates will continue to rise as the county tries to exit bankruptcy, the proposed increases are now more modest than the high-flying water board. It is still a double-whammy.

8. It makes inflation look small. Water rates rose six times the rate of inflation, which was 31 percent since 2001, as calculated by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Which means a $100 bag of groceries in 2001 would reasonably cost $131 now. If that cost increased like your water, you'd be paying $300 for the same bag next year.

7. It's out of whack. Water rates rose about 10 times more than income did. The median Alabama household income was $35,000 in 2001. It's now about $43,000. If household income had grown like water rates since 2001, the average Alabamian household would make almost $105,000.

6. They don't care. Most board members travel widely to conventions and meetings in Miami and Chicago, New York City and D.C., billing outlandishly as they go. It's not just a part-time job, it's an adventure.

5. It is out of touch. The board voted recently, in a purported effort to go "green" and to help board members who couldn't work their laptops, to buy iPads for board members. It'll cost $41,000 to do it - enough to pay the water bills of 1,366 "average" customers.

4. It hits you where you live. Home values have risen about 38 percent across Alabama since 2000. If your house was worth $85,000 then, on average it is worth about $118,000 now. If it had grown like your water bill - not including those unbearable sewer charges -- the house would be worth a quarter of a million dollars now.

3. It does a body ... bad. A gallon of whole milk in 2001 would cost you about $2.93, compared to $3.47 today. If milk increased in price like your water, you would be paying $8.76 a gallon.

2. Wrong time. The rate increase will pay, among other things, to give water works employees 4 percent raises, on top of 3.25 percent raises last year. It is the wrong economy. In this community, it is the wrong priority.

1. The more they get together the happier they'll be. We can't say it enough. Every day water board members meet, or travel, they receive payment of $285 each. It is a silly system that encourages them to meet. Hey, if you got $285 every time you went to a meeting, you might just call a lot of meetings. Last year, including meeting pay, travel, per diem and conference fees, the board members cost us $185,000. And that was after member Ann Florie stopped taking pay (after receiving $9,780) and declined to travel.

John Archibald's column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays in The Birmingham News, and even more often than that on al.com. Email him at jarchibald@al.com