We humans tend to think we're pretty smart, what with our planetary dominance and Roombas and so forth. But when it comes to our health, we're still complete idiots. Through a heady brew of ignorance, denial, and blind hope, we've proven that we will shove any random slurry down our throats if we're told it'll miraculously cure our hairy molars or medulla pimples or combustible priapism.

6 Drink This Stupid Frog Juice, Genius

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THINGS THAT ARE GREAT IN SMOOTHIES:

-Fruit

-Milk

-Chocolate

-Kale or something

-Smaller smoothies that include the above ingredients

THINGS THAT ARE NOT GREAT IN SMOOTHIES:

-An entire frog

Despite the centuries-old smoothie laws established by the Blendo Concordant of 1262, a number of places in Peru are selling frog smoothies, claiming that it has a number of health benefits. The frog is bludgeoned to death in front of the customer, then skinned and dropped into a blender, because the universe has run entirely out of fucks to give these days. Add some carrots, honey, and maca root to the mix, and you've got yourself a fresh glass of Jesus Christ Why.

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It's part of a balanced morning of regrets.

Vendors claim that it ameliorates anemia, bronchitis, low sex drive, and presumably horrific childhood memories of playing Battletoads, claims that are echoed in an oddly similar manner by some of the customers. It seems like something so gross must be healthy, because we've found several images of people drinking frog juice and absolutely nobody is having a good time. Maybe they just now realized that a skinned frog would produce a muck-colored smoothie, and the green you're looking at is from extra kale.

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Or maybe, and this is just a theory, slurried frog tastes like vomit mixed with genocide.

But much to the surprise of nobody, there is no evidence that frog juice is healthy at all. According to Tomy Villanueva, dean of the Medical College Of Lima, "The frog juice has not met the standards of the FDA to be mentioned as medicine." This makes sense to us, since these miracle health frogs are actually an endangered species, instead of the immortal overlords of the planet.