We like winners. We build monuments to them, name three-day weekends after their triumphs, and carve their faces into mountainsides. It's the successful that we bother to remember, passing their stories through generations, ensuring that winning is the closest anyone will ever get to immortality. But every once in a while, someone suffers such an unparalleled failure that we have no choice but to look up and take notice.

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Some inadequacies know no limits. I'm talking, of course, about the woman trying to look fashionable on a Segway.

These failures are so profound, they warrant admiration for their staggering inability to marry ambition with skill. Yes, we love the people who shoot for the stars and succeed, but we feel a much more painful type of love for the people who shoot for the stars and fall over mid-launch before careening into a dumpster. The following four failures in particular are so wildly disappointing that someone, somewhere said, "We have to commemorate this, the future needs to know it happened." And now, thanks to those people, we have ...

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