LOS ANGELES—Explaining their intense, overwhelming desire for more film, TV, or merchandise involving the beloved Dr. Seuss character, an antsy, jonesing nation issued demands Friday for new Grinch content. “It’s been almost an entire year since we’ve seen our favorite green Christmas curmudgeon brought to life on the big screen, and we won’t be satisfied until we get at least a TV special or animated short,” said Bud Lang, 37, echoing the sentiments of approximately 300 million sweating, agitated Americans whose agonizing desperation for more projects involving Whoville’s most famous citizen had led them to march outside Illumination studio with pro-Grinch picket signs and threaten Theodor Seuss Geisel’s heirs if they wouldn’t give up the rights to whoever wanted them. “Whether it’s a retelling of the classic redemptive story of his heart growing three sizes, some new adventure exploring his relationship to Valentine’s Day, or a prequel explaining the history of Mount Crumpit, we will consume it ravenously as soon as it’s produced. There isn’t a stop-motion version of The Grinch yet, so that’s a definite option, or maybe some sort of VR experience where you can actually pet Max the dog? We don’t care, just give it to us now for the love of God!” At press time, the nation was seeking solace by once again rewatching all the DVD special features from 2000’s live-action The Grinch.

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