Your windmill

I couldn't believe the situation I was put into. In my head there were only dark scenarios gathering, but I tried to give myself hope. I kept running until I reached the house of Sayori. I knocked on the door, but nobody answered, so I let myself in.

I entered the house, went upstairs and reached the door to the room. I hesitated a bit before knocking again. Even though I'm used to visiting Sayori without mentioning and despite the fact that her parents leave early to work, this time it felt wrong. I'm her new boyfriend but something held me back. Or maybe that was the reason of it after all? Either way, I needed to get her up. I reluctantly reached out my clenched fist towards the door but before I had a chance to even touch its wooden texture I heard something. A faint sniff, followed by a little sob. She's... awake? I quickly opened the door and rushed to a curled up figure I saw lying on the floor.

-"Sayori! - I announced as I ran to hug the girl.

-"Sayori, what happened?!" - no response. She just continued on sobbing, now a bit more intensely. As I hugged her and tried to calm her down, I noticed a little detail that didn't catch my attention before as I was instinctively hasty and didn't notice. There was a rope around her neck, with a specific knot and a long fragment extending from behind her neck down to the floor. A noose.

My heart stopped for a moment. Did she try to... ?

-"Sayori!"- I yelled this time. -"Please! Tell me what happened!"- Tears already started forming in my eyes. I could not believe this. Why would she want to do this to herself? Finally, Sayori spoke:

-"I'm..."- She paused to sniff again. -"I'm so sorry!"- Another short pause. -"I told you-... I-I promised I'd trust that you could help me. And even despite that..."- Sayori sobbed again. -"I'm a coward... I-... I don't deserve anything... I should've- It shouldn't- I-..."- After fruitless attempts to spit it out, she broke in tears. I responded by hugging her as tight as I can, eyes wetting my cheeks as well.

-"Screw that! I don't care about the promise!"- I burst out while fondling the back of her head, pushing her as close as I can. -"That's not the priority right now! You were about to- I was about to lose you. Forever. What happened? Please, just tell me, why did you want to do this?"- I gave Sayori some time to calm down and collect her thoughts.

-"I-I... I couldn't stop hurting... And I couldn't feel anything but the pain. I couldn't remember. The moment I woke up it felt like someone was squeezing my heart. I couldn't take it any longer. I didn't even think about anything else, the festival, the club, my friends, my family... Your feelings... I was so selfish... I could only focus on one thing... But-..."- Sayori got lost in words again and started crying.

-"Shh... It's okay... Take your time."- I pat her head again.

-"I... I could only think about killing myself." - She gulped. -"I thought that would make everyone happy..."- I could not understand her logic. How would her death make anyone happy? -"I only had so much strength to set everything up... I was about to do it, but-..."- She paused once more. - "...But I must've screwed up tying the rope to the ceiling lamp. I couldn't focus on anything... the knot must've not endured my weight when I-"

-"That's enough... It's okay, you don't have to talk about this anymore."- I shouldn't have made her recall that.

-"Then, to my surprise, I hit the floor. I realized what happened and... started crying... I couldn't hold it in me. I hated myself so much for what I was trying to do... I just sat there for God knows how long. It felt like eternity. I-"

-"Sayori!"- I interrupted her. -"I told you it's okay! You don't have to talk about it anymore! Even though it explains some things... I'm there for you now. It's okay..."

We were crouching on the floor, hugging each other for a few minutes now. Finally, Sayori let go of me and sat on her bed, only now removing her noose. She looked at it in disgust and threw it away with anger. It landed chaotically on her chair and slipped on the floor. I joined her.

-"Sayori..."- I thought that since I was already there, I should spend the rest of the day with her. I don't care about the festival anymore. I was about to lose the most important person. -"Maybe I should message Monika that we won't be at the festival?"

-"We?"- the girl ceased her melancholic stare at nothingness in a surprised manner. -"You mean... you're not gonna join them?"

-"I wanna be here, for you."- I said as I subconsciously placed my hand on hers. -"I don't want to leave you again. I could've come earlier but... For some reason I ignored the situation. I knew I should've come to your house earlier. I'm sorry, I was such an idiot! It was me who promised to keep you happy no matter what. And I failed you. How can I even call myself your boyfriend after that?"

-"Looks like we're even." - Sayori tried to smirk through her otherwise sad facade.

-"What are you saying?"

-"You broke your promise and I broke mine. Now we can start this thing over." - Once again, her silly logic evaded my understanding. But it looks like she's getting better. Sayori just can't abandon her quirky ways.

-"Ehehe- Just forget about that."

-"Sayori, I do want to start over... if that's even possible. I learned my mistakes and I won't let my damn ego hurt you again."

-"That's..."- She didn't finish her sentence. After a few seconds she slid a bit closer to me instead and started a completely new thought. -"I want to do that as well. But I'm scared. What if I lose it again?"

-"I'm gonna work on it. I'll..."- I couldn't have believed I would have been making such metaphor. In that moment? -"I'll be the windmill to blow your rainclouds away." - Now that I think about it... - "And even though there might be no rainbows afterwards, you'll be sure it won't rain. It won't be easy. A windmill like me might be stiff, ugly and simple, but it cares."- Sayori looked at me, surprised. To be honest, so was I. That was way more natural than I anticipated.

-"Did you just think of that right now? Ehehe-" - She giggled as if she forgot that not so long ago, she was crying her eyes out. -"You really are good at poetry and all. And... it kinda does make sense after all."- Did I just magically repair the situation? -"Even though I can't be fixed, I can still feel good things. Just like now. It makes so much sense... I can't just assume that you'll make my depression suddenly go away. That was foolish of me. But as long as you're there to support me, the pain will gradually fade away. Not completely and not instantely, but..."

-"I, uh-"

-"Thank you so much..." - Before I knew it, Sayori was hugging me. She seemed content. The only thing I thought would be appropriate to do was to hug her back. And so I did.

-"I'm so glad you helped me understand it. Even if it's only a tiny bit of how I work."

-"I'm glad too." - During our embrace I instinctively kissed Sayori's forehead. She went all red on her cheeks, but it seems like she liked it, so I said:

-"Sayori?"

-"Yeah?"- She answered.

-"I love you."

-"I love you, too." - Her response followed by a giggle and a small, innocent smile.

After a minute of cuddling, Sayori stood up and reminded me of the topic that I originally brought up earlier already:

-"So... shall we send a message to Monika? She's probably wondering where we are."

-"Oh, yeah, absolutely."- I answer. -"Do you think the other girls will manage to hold their part of the festival when there's only three of them?"