RWW’s Paranoia-Rama takes a look at five of the week’s most absurd conspiracy theories from the Right.

While secretly plotting to use foreign forces to impose martial law on America, President Obama is also unleashing Ebola on Americans. Or maybe that’s just God punishing us for letting gay people be free. Either way, it may be too late for America because we all failed to listen to the wise words of Keith Ablow and Steve Stockman.

5) Gays To Blame For Ebola

It was only a matter of time before someone blamed the gays for Ebola, and North Carolina pastor Ron Baity was happy to be that brave person.

Back in 2012, Baity helped spearhead the campaign to pass a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage and civil unions in his state. When that ban was struck down by a federal court this week, Baity connected it with something else he was seeing in the news, predicting that God will punish America with the Ebola virus because of the fall of same-sex marriage bans and laws criminalizing homosexuality.

“We are bringing the judgment of God on this nation,” Baity said in a sermon captured by Jeremy Hooper. “As sure as Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed, don’t be surprised at the plagues, don’t be surprised at the judgment of God. You think Ebola is bad now? Just wait.”

4) Obama To Blame For Ebola Because He Hates America

Fox News therapist Keith Ablow believes he has the distinct ability to speak from “deep inside the president’s psyche.” And in that psyche, Ablow finds a bitter, racist man who wants to bring Ebola to America.

Eric Hananoki of Media Matters reports that during an appearance on Fox News Radio this week, Ablow reported that that while treating Obama over the TV, he discovered that the president hates America and “has it in for us.” According to Ablow, Obama’s “affinities” are with the people of Africa and he subsequently sees it is a matter of “fairness” that more Americans contract Ebola.

In his make-believe examination of Obama, it turns out Ablow also found a collection of right-wing memes from the 2012 election: “Let me speak as though I’m coming from deep inside the president’s psyche. You miserable people have destroyed so much in the world in terms of good things, and now you’re going to build a wall? Really? To insulate yourself from things that are devastating other nations when your gains are ill-gotten? And the very fact that you can build a wall — you’re using wealth that you never should have had to build it. This is just another manifestation of you didn’t build that, business. Right? You didn’t build the right to make yourself immune from something that is devastating a country with lesser resources.”

Phyllis Schlafly also speculated this week that President Obama wants to bring Ebola to America to make the country more like Africa: “Obama doesn’t want America to believe that we’re exceptional. He wants us to be just like everybody else, and if Africa is suffering from Ebola, we ought to join the group and be suffering from it, too. That’s his attitude.”

3) Obama To Blame For Ebola Because He Hates Freedom

Rep. Steve Stockman thinks something is fishy about the U.S. response to the Ebola outbreak, and the Texas Republican is just going to put it out there that maybe Obama is sabotaging the government response because he wants the virus to spread, giving him an excuse to seize dictatorial power.

“It’s just bizarre there’s not enough action up front and I’m wondering if that’s — I’m not saying this — but I’m wondering if that’s intentional in order to create a greater crisis to use it as a blunt force to say, well in order to solve this crisis we’re going to have to take control of the economy and individuals and so forth,” the actual member of Congress told End Times soothsayer Rick Wiles. “It’s just a strange non-response, a strange way of handling it and I think that if it does go forward and we do not control it, there may be an overreaction where the government starts taking away the rights of those that aren’t that necessarily involved or need that to happen.”

After all, Stockman explained, “this current government uses crisis to advance their philosophy and their agenda” and Obama already gave himself the authority to exercise “emergency powers to take over control of the economy and everything.”

Stockman insisted that he was “not saying this,” just asking the question!

2) Why Hasn’t The Military Staged A Coup?

When a GOP official in a suburb of St. Louis, Missouri, wrote a Facebook post this week asking why the military hasn’t yet staged a coup to overthrow the Obama administration, she made sure to use the “just asking the question” framing we see so frequently from conservative pundits and politicians who are trying to escape any responsibility for their statements.

Debbie Dunnegan Waters, Jefferson County’s recorder of deeds, an elected office, wrote on Facebook: “I have a question for all my friends who have served or are currently serving in our military … having not put on a uniform nor taken any type military oath [sic], there has to be something that I am just not aware of. But I cannot and do not understand why no action is being taken against our domestic enemy. I know he is supposedly the commander in chief, but the constitution gives you the authority. What am I missing?”

See, she wasn’t saying the military should overthrow Obama, just asking why it hadn’t.

“Something innocent and simple got twisted into a disaster because it’s an election,” she explained after her Facebook post attracted national attention. “I meant no ill intent toward the president. I meant no ill intent toward anybody.”

Well, that settles that!

1) Vets Must Prepare For A Coup!

Alex Jones knows why the military hasn’t staged a coup yet, and the answer may surprise you!

The “Infowars” host said on Wednesday that whenever he goes out and about, military service members and police officers keep approaching him to sing his praises and confirm his fears about fluoridated water, FEMA camps and Agenda 21.

While speaking with survivalist James Wesley Rawles on Wednesday, Jones reported that the government has been brainwashing service members with messages that “Christians are bad, gun owners are bad, the founding fathers were bad. It’s like something you’d expect to see in the Red Dawn movie when they show the reeducation camp at the sports stadium with the movie screens going ‘George Washington was a pig, gun owners are bad, capitalism is bad.’”

Fortunately, Jones thinks that as a result of his show getting the truth out there, such moves have turned the military against the government: “The propaganda of the people running things is so horrible it makes you think they’re inept because this is the stuff bad guys would tell the military. I think their attempt to demonize the liberty movement has totally backfired on them and is strategically one of the biggest defeats they’ve had.”

Rawles confirmed that service members “have woken up, they have done their homework, they can see what’s really going on and they are no longer falling for the lies the administration is trying to push,” thus thwarting Obama’s plans to impose martial law: “It’s very encouraging because if they ever tried to institute martial law, they’re not going to be able to do it with American troops, they’ll have to bring in overseas troops to try to institute martial law in this country because the American military is not going to put up with it.”

Even better, Rawles noted that once there is a “situation where there is a war of resistance in America,” then “all those returning veterans are going to form the core cadre of resistance.”

Jones, however, cautioned that the Hitlerian military now treats veterans as “enemy number one.”