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It’s no secret that the president gets his cues from Fox News.



In March, the New Yorker noted in its piece “The Making of the Fox News White House” that the president has granted his boo, fake news anchor Sean Hannity, seven interviews since Russia stole the White House. He’s given Fox News 44 interviews in total. By comparison, Trump has only given 10 interviews to three other television networks combined and none of those have been CNN, which he considers to be fake news.


Hannity has spoken at a Trump rally. During a staged trip to Hidalgo County, Texas, where the president was going to pause for a photo-op while looking over at the border, reporters complained that Hannity was treated as a member of Trump’s team, as opposed to being an actual reporter. He didn’t ride with the press pool; he already knew the location where Trump’s photo shoot was going to take place and was there before even Trump arrived. Basically, Trump and Hannity share family phone minutes.


According to T he Hill, Hannity opened his show Thursday claiming that Trump was going to “bomb the hell out of” Iran after an American drone was shot down after flying into Iranian air space.

If I were a betting man, I would’ve put all my chips on the U.S. waging a full out war based solely on the relationship between Trump and bae. I would’ve been wrong. What I didn’t know is that Trump’s been cheating on Hannity with another Fox News inbred: Tucker Carlson.



Carlson has reportedly been one of the only news anchors on the network for deplorables praising the president’s patience and his calm in resisting the urge to go to war.


Disclaimer: This next line is going to be mindblowing, so you may want to finish your coffee before reading.

According to the Daily Beast, Carlson has not only taken over Hannity’s spot as the Fox News anchor most likely to be found in the White House during Netflix hours, he’s been “personally advising Trump on the subject [war with Iran] and urging him to resist calls for war from within his administration.”


WTF? Tucker Carlson is advising the president of people who watch Tucker Carlson on whether or not the U.S. goes to war with Iran? And Carlson has more weight than people on Trump’s on staff. Basically, Carlson might be the only reason that Trump called off a planned airstrike right before it was to happen. Basically, Tucker Carlson and his magical bowtie just saved America from going to war.

My inner Van Jones might be showing, but let me be the first to say, “Thank you, Tucker Carlson”— and by “thank you,” I mean go fuck yourself.