WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT

A new report has been released by the United Nations today, with one particular finding of note.

The Liveability Report ranks cities and countries in terms of how desirable they are to live in, based upon a huge range of factors including wages, infrastructure, culture etc.

While Melbourne was ranked somewhere near the top (despite the fact people are apparently too scared to go out to dinner because of ‘African gangs)’ a finding regarding what nation’s require was far more interesting.

That was the finding that every nation deserves ‘the dignity of at least one Fijian winger.’

Explaining the report to The Advocate, a spokesperson from the UN told us that in 2019, every country should have the right to a barnstorming winger who can offload, put huge hits on and tiptoe down the sideline at full pace.

“In places like France, New Zealand and Australia where the quality of life is great, you’ll find bustling Fijian wingers, Fijian born wingers or wingers of Fijian heritage lighting up the footy field.”

“Obviously England is a bit of an anomaly.”

The spokesperson went on to explain that the winger doesn’t have to play Rugby Union.

“It can be League as well. I mean, Maika Sivo. Need I say more.”

“Anyway, we are still trying to scientifically analyse the exact reasons why Fijian wingers are so crucial, but it’s pretty evident that every nation deserves at least one.”