If I learned one thing from watching football over the weekend, it's that I'm 90 percent sure Marshawn Lynch could go on "Dancing with the Stars" tomorrow -- without a partner -- and win the Mirror Ball Trophy (don't ask me why I know the name of the trophy).

If that's not the best fourth-quarter sideline dance you've ever seen, then I don't know what is.

Honestly, Raiders owner Mark Davis should probably be giving Lynch at least $100,000 in bonus money every time he does something ridiculous as sort of a "Thanks for being so crazy that no one in Oakland seems to remember that we're moving to Vegas in three years" type bonus.

Lynch seems like the kind of guy who would appreciate a good bonus, and he would probably appreciate it even more if half the bonus was paid in Skittles.

You know who else would probably enjoy a good bonus? All cheerleaders.

And if they don't get a bonus, they should definitely get some sort of hazard pay because working as a cheerleader in an NFL stadium seems pretty dangerous, and a poor Chiefs cheerleader found that out the hard way over the weekend when she got trucked by a cameraman.

Ouch!

That hit by the cameraman was basically a crude re-enactment of what the Broncos defense did to the Cowboys on Sunday. Now, it's not clear if our cheerleader friend will show up on the Chiefs' injury report this week, but at least there are people out there trying to find out what her playing status is for Week 3.

Hopefully the Chiefs reply because that's pivotal injury information, especially if you're in a cheerleader fantasy league, and who's not in a cheerleader fantasy league?

Anyway, lets stop talking about cheerleaders getting truck-sticked and talk about something way more important, like who's going to win in Week 3.

Actually, before I get to the picks, here's your weekly reminder to check out all the picks from every NFL writer here at CBSSports.com.

The reason you should click over and check out the other experts this week is because you're going to want to write down all of Jamey Eisenberg's picks and use them for yourself. Through two weeks, he's 20-11 picking games against the spread, which means I should probably also start using his picks because they seem to be working out slightly better than mine.

By the way, if you want to make fun of me for all of the wrong picks I made last week -- and why wouldn't you? -- you can do that in the comment section or on Twitter. I mean, I picked a team quarterbacked by Andy Dalton to win a prime-time game last week, so I definitely deserve to be mocked.

Speaking of Dalton, here's a dog in a Bengals jersey. I'm pretty sure he lost some serious money gambling on the Bengals in Week 2 because that's the only way to explain the look of horror on his face.

Who Dey! #GoBengals #LetsRoar #Bengals50 A post shared by Coney (@coney_the_weenie) on Sep 14, 2017 at 7:46pm PDT

On the other hand, that dog also looks like he might have been forced to sit through three straight hours of watching the Bengals offense. If a terrified dog in a Bengals jersey doesn't put you in a mood to read NFL picks, I don't know what will.

Let's get to the picks.

Week 3 Picks

Baltimore (2-0) vs. Jacksonville (1-1) in London

9:30 a.m. (Yahoo!, local TV in Jacksonville and Baltimore)

I can't say this with 100 percent certainty, but I'm pretty sure this game represents the first step in the NFL's plan to make every millennial alive a Jaguars fan. Since millennials don't have cable, the league has decided to stream this game for free, and we all know that millennials are going to watch because millennials will watch anything for free, even if it involves Blake Bortles.

Speaking of Bortles, the only thing that has been uglier than his career in Jacksonville has been my ability to pick games that take place on foreign soil. Since the beginning of the 2015 season, I've somehow managed to whiff on every single pick on any game being played in London. It's a two-year run of ineptitude that has only been matched by Bortles' play on the field.

The bad news for the Jaguars this week is that Bortles will be going up against a Ravens defense that's only allowing five points per game through two weeks this season. It's the mismatch of the century. Imagine Joey Chestnut going up against a vegan in a hamburger eating contest and you'll get an idea of the type of mismatch I expect Sunday.

The bottom line here is that I'm picking the Ravens because how can I pick against a team that's taking a cruise ship across the ocean to get to the game.

Note: The Ravens are not actually taking a cruise ship to the game, which is probably for the best because there's a 50 percent chance it would've turned into a Vikings party boat situation times one million.

The pick: Ravens 23-10 over Jaguars

Atlanta (2-0) at Detroit (2-0)

1 p.m. ET (Fox)

If the Falcons want to exorcise the demons of their Super Bowl LI loss, a win over Detroit would be a good place to start, and that's mainly because Atlanta's whole "blowing a gigantic second-half lead" thing kind of started against the Lions.

The last time these two teams played, in 2014, the Falcons blew a 21-0 halftime lead in a 22-21 loss. I would say it's the worst blown lead that I've ever seen, but we all watched Super Bowl LI, so we know that's not true.

Anyway, after picking against the Falcons in Week 2, I feel like it might be time to give up on picking against them ever again. The Falcons don't look like a team that's scarred by their Super Bowl loss, they look like a team that's out to annihilate anyone who might try and stop them from making a return trip to the Super Bowl. I haven't seen anyone look this determined to destroy everything in their path since Rambo came back in "First Blood: Part II".

The scariest thing about the Falcons is that their offense has been borderline unstoppable over the past year. Since the beginning of the 2016 season, Atlanta has put up 23 or more points in 20 of their 21 games, including the playoffs.

I'm going to pick the Falcons here, but I hope that no matter what happens in this game, the bromance between Matt Ryan and Matthew Stafford doesn't end because I'm not sure I could take it if Matty Twice broke up.

By the way, this is somehow the only game in Week 3 being played between two undefeated teams, so we probably shouldn't take it for granted, which I'm only bringing up because after watching Cardinals-Colts on Sunday, I'm never taking good football for granted ever again.

The pick: Falcons 30-23 over Lions

Seattle (1-1) at Tennessee (1-1)

4:05 p.m. ET (Fox)

The one thing that scares me about the Seahawks this year is that I'm pretty sure they might have the worst offensive line I've ever seen. It's hard to describe how bad they are, so let me just sum it up by saying that what the Death Star did to Alderaan is basically what opposing teams do to the Seahawks offensive line every week. It's total obliteration.

Important note: The picture above was not taken on a play where a screen pass was called. That's just the Seahawks offensive line failing to block anyone at all on the Packers defense. Russell Wilson might not make it to October.

Wilson has spent two games running for his life, and that has been showing on the scoreboard, with the Seahawks only averaging 10.5 points through the first two weeks of the season. The only thing that has been worse lately than the Seahawks' porous offensive line is Seattle's record in the Central time zone.

I just moved to the Central time zone and I can tell you that nothing is normal here: Up is down, left is orange, east doesn't exist! OK, it's not that bad, but I did move there from the Pacific time zone and all I wanted to do for the first week I lived here was take a nap every day. The Seahawks probably aren't going to have time to nap, so they're going to need to figure something out: Since 2014, Seattle is 2-7 in games played in Central time.

I'm not sure if the time change is causing a slow start for the Seahawks, but I do know that they've only averaged 3.7 points in the first quarter of those nine games. Just to be safe, maybe Pete Carroll should have his team fly to Nashville on Tuesday and then have them stay there for the next three years so they can get used to Central time.

The pick: Titans 19-16 over Seahawks

Kansas City at L.A. Chargers

4:25 p.m. ET (CBS)

If you've watched any Chargers games this season, then you probably already know how this game is going to end. The Chargers will have the ball in the final minute, drive straight into Kansas City territory and then proceed to miss a very makeable field goal that might or might not get blocked.

Based on how Kansas City's season has gone, this game will likely also involve at least three touchdowns from Kareem Hunt, who I think is doing his best to have the Offensive Rookie of the Year award wrapped up by the end of the month. If he scores multiple touchdowns in this game, the Chiefs might as well just hold the ceremony next week and give him the award.

This is a big game for the Chargers because if they lose and fall to 0-3, they might not have any fans left in Los Angeles. The bad news for the Chargers is that Andy Reid is 6-0 in his past six games against them and the Chiefs have won 11 straight against divisional opponents.

As if that's not bad enough for the Chargers, it's probably also worth noting that they probably won't feel any sort of home-field advantage this week. There were so many Dolphins fans at the Chargers' home opener that Dolphins players actually thought they were playing a home game.

Basically, I think we can write off any chance of the Chargers getting any type of home-field advantage in this game or at any point this season. If I were the Chargers, I would ask the NFL if I can play the rest of my games on the road because that would probably feel more like home than the team's actual home games.

The pick: Chiefs 27-24 over Chargers

The "I picked the Bengals to go 11-5, but now I might pick them to go 0-16" pick of the week

Cincinnati (0-2) at Green Bay (1-1)

4:25 p.m. ET (CBS)

Apparently, there was a "near mutiny" in the Bengals locker room last week, which might seem like a bad thing, but I've seen enough "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies to know that a mutiny can sometimes work out in your favor. In this case, the mutiny might actually work out for the Bengals because it led Marvin Lewis to fire an offensive coordinator who was calling plays like he drew up the entire offensive game plan on a piece of toilet paper five minutes before the game started.

As for talk that Andy Dalton has lost the Bengals locker room, all I can say is that I'm fairly certain he still has A.J. Green's support, which is all that matters because Green is basically 50 percent of the Bengals offense.

Just look at the video below. Does that look like a guy who hates his quarterback?

Thanks to all the fans who came out to watch Andy Dalton and A.J. Green lead the Chicken Dance. #Bengals50 A post shared by bengals (@bengals) on Sep 17, 2017 at 10:29am PDT

If there's one thing I've learned about NFL over the past few years, it's that if your star receiver is willing to do the chicken dance with you in public, then you still have his support.

Ironically, the one quarterback we should be worrying about in this game is Aaron Rodgers. Not only did he get beat up by the Falcons on Sunday, he's going up against the only NFL team that he has never beaten (besides the Packers). That's right, in a stat that's almost impossible to believe, Rodgers has beaten 30 NFL teams in his career, but is winless against the Bengals (0-2). Not to mention, the Bengals are 10-3-2 in their past 15 games against NFC teams.

This has all the classic makings of an upset: Rodgers is going against his Kryponite, the Bengals should be inspired after watching their coordinator get fired and Cincy knows that dropping to 0-3 is a playoff death sentence.

Although I'm doing my best to try and talk myself into picking the Bengals, I'm not actually going to do it because there's just no way I can pick the Packers to lose to a team that hasn't scored a touchdown all season.

By the way, this is the game you definitely want to watch Sunday, mainly because Tony Romo will be in the announcer's booth with Jim Nantz. If you haven't got a chance to listen to Romo this season, well, let's just say that he has a high approval rating.

That's definitely the first time in human history that 91 percent of the people on the internet have agreed on anything. The other upside to this game -- besides Romo -- is that even if it turns into a blowout, you'll be able to amuse yourself for hours by scrolling through Twitter and reading every tweet that's calling for Dalton to be benched.

The pick: Packers 27-20 over Bengals

Week 3 picks: All the rest

Rams 20-13 over 49ers



Broncos 24-13 over Bills



Panthers 24-17 over Saints



Browns 20-16 over Colts



Steelers 23-16 over Bears



Patriots 27-17 over Texans



Dolphins 31-24 over Jets



Buccaneers 23-20 over Vikings



Eagles 20-17 over Giants



Raiders 34-24 over Redskins



Cowboys 30-20 over Cardinals



Last week

Best pick: Last week, I predicted the Colts would score 13 points and lose to the Cardinals, and then the Colts went out and scored 13 points and lost to the Cardinals. Although I would love to sit here and write 17 paragraphs about how brilliant my pick was, I'm not going to do that because the last thing the world needs right now is anyone saying anything more about the Cardinals-Colts game. We got more than enough Cardinals-Colts on Sunday.

As a matter of fact, I think it might've been the first game in NFL history that literally no one wanted to see go into overtime.

I'm pretty sure the Colts have abandoned all hope of being any good this season.

Worst pick: In what might go down as one of my five worst picks of all time, I predicted that the Cowboys would "crush" the Broncos in Denver. If you watched the game, you might have noticed that the only thing that got crushed Sunday was the soul of every Cowboys player in Denver.

If you're scoring at home: Ezekiel Elliott quit on his team and Jason Garrett threw Dak Prescott under the bus for the loss.

Honestly, considering how the day went for Dallas, it was somewhat surprising the team bus didn't catch on fire on the way to the airport.

Picks Record

Straight up in Week 2: 11-5

SU overall: 20-11

Against the spread in Week 2: 7-9

ATS overall: 13-18

You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he's not doing one of those things, he's probably making his own Chicken Dance video so he can share it on Instagram for his five friends to see.