NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) — The fact-checking department at NBC News has verified that the following anecdotes told by Brian Williams actually happened.

In August of 2003, I boarded a helicopter to Steven Spielberg's house in East Hampton. Once we were up in the air, I was alarmed to discover that there was no bottled water on board. I commanded the pilot to make an emergency landing.

In November of 2007, I boarded a Cadillac Escalade to attend the annual gala of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Not until I arrived at my destination did I realize that the driver had closed the door on my Armani coat. I was able to have it successfully dry-cleaned, but that was a close one.

In March of 1998, I fell asleep on my tanning bed. I could have been burnt to a crisp. Fortunately, I woke up in the nick of time, but the people at the spa had needlessly endangered me. I started going to a new spa.

In May of 2011, the elevator in my building suffered an equipment malfunction en route to my penthouse. I was stuck talking to a tax attorney for seven minutes before I was rescued.

While in Sochi for the Olympics last year, I ordered dinner from room service. I don't know if it was the oysters or the caviar, but something had gone bad. I was hurling all night.