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“THE usual please chief” beamed Waterford man Niall Shellvin, as he sat at his favourite chair with a crisp beer in his local pub, also known as his sitting room.

Like the rest of the pub-loving country, Shellvin was hit hard by the closure of public houses in the wake of the Covid-19 clampdown, and had to resort to staying at home and talking to his wife and kids on Friday and Saturday nights.

“I keep telling him, if he calls me ‘chief’ or ‘squire’ or ‘landlord’ one more time, I’m tipping his can of Tyskie over him” said Shellvin’s wife Annette.

“And another thing Niall, if you want the TV changed, just do it yourself. Don’t turn to me and say ‘here chief, see what else is on there’ before you head off to piss on the floor in the bathroom. I know this is the only pub you have at the minute, but fucking hell”.

Shellvin has been warned that he’s on his ‘last warning’, and that if his poor behaviour in his adopted local continues, he’ll be stopped at the door next time he tries to get in.