I occasionally get asked by mothers of young children what the secret is to raising great teenagers.

My initial response is that I have absolutely no clue. My kids are who they are IN SPITE of having me as a mother.

[The young moms don't find that answer too helpful.]

My kids are pretty amazing, but I am also fairly confident that I had a teensy bit to do with it. (A very teensy bit, mind you).

And just yesterday, on Instagram, I was asked once again what the secret was. I thought about it all day long, and could not get it out of my head.

The first thing that I will tell you is to disbelieve the myth that teenagers are sullen, angry creatures who slam doors and hate their parents. Some do that, but the overwhelming majority do not.

Every one of my kids' friends are just as happy and fun as they are, so I know that it's not just us.

Teenagers are incredible. They are funny, smart, eager to please, and up for just about anything as long as food is involved. They have the most generous hearts and want desperately to be loved and validated. They are quirky, and messy, and have the best sense of humor.

So, here is my list of rules. These are the secrets we have found to be successful: