Dear Utah • Your brother is an impressive human being. He's being true to himself, firm but loving with your mom, attentive to his sibs, all without being punitive toward the mother who rejects him for who he is. Wow. My opinion of your friends ... not so gushy. When their parents blackball their gay siblings and they have to decide between owning their beliefs and potentially losing their homes, then they can judge you. Your brother and your friends neatly illustrate the difference between courage and bravado, respectively. One speaks up, and the other goads someone else to. But your story suggests your brother came out to your parents when he was already on his own, or soon to be. So this person of obvious courage also made the calculation that antagonizing the source of his nurture, food and shelter wasn't the savviest move. If it helps, your choices aren't limited to either selling out for shelter or defending your brother. When Mom complains, for example, you can take a cue from your brother and say, "Mom, I love you and I love (Brother)," then excuse yourself. You sound like a pretty good egg yourself; there's no one way to assert that, and the only right way is the right one for you.