There is a saying among the darker corners of the internet that "if it exists, there is porn for it."Â Perhaps the weirdest proof of this is Harry Potter erotica.Â Erotic fan fiction makes sense in a way (i.e. - Princess Leia in a gold bikini), but the Harry Potter series is not only for kids but about kids.Â These stories are written by pre-teens for pre-teens (and 40-year-old creeps) about pre-teens, and that is weird.Â And gross.Â But make 'em all 18 and it's ANYONE'S BALLGAME!!! Sorry, LiveJournal.Â Even though mine is stupider, it's also way better.

Harry Potter and The Tight-Ass Orgy

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Chapter 1:Â Whirling Dursleys

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Harry was finally 18, as was every single person he knew.Â Some of his sexier acquaintances were barely 18, but still 18 nonetheless.Â Compliant with Muggle and Magical law, everyone now wore ID badges that read "Yes, I am at least 18."Â These badges were prominently displayed above or near some sexy-ass titties.Â Some even showed nip. Harry awoke in the Dursley's empty home, number 4 Privet Drive.Â He had long since murdered all three of them, as he was tired of fucking around for several chapters before anything interesting happened.Â He sat up in bed, thought of Hermione, had his first j/o session of the day, and then ate some breakfast. Today he was to return to Hogwarts Magical School of Wizardry, Witchcraft, and Sexual Exploration.Â His bag was already packed, meaning he needed to drain his ball sack again, so he had another epic j/o session.Â Wasting no time, other than those initial two j/o sessions, he grabbed his packed bag (meaning his luggage), and headed out the door.Â Magic was not involved, although it easily could have been.

Chapter 2:Â Hogwarts Sexpress

Hogwarts Express was alive with chatter of summery things. "What did you do this summer?" a soon-to-be-wizard would ask. "Oh, you know," a different soon-to-be-wizard would reply.Â "Thought of blow-jays and Quidditch or some other bullshit."Â This continued for some time as they all ate candy and tried to hide their boners and wetties, depending on their gender. The rest of the train ride was spent on foreshadowing.