Rob Delaney is busy. A comedian who splits his time juggling stand-up gigs on the road, developing his own board game, and living up to several accolades that describe him as one of the funniest people on Twitter, he most recently took the stage at Caroline's comedy club in New York's Times Square.

LA-based Delaney, 36, is on the New York leg of a tour that will take him through the US south as well as Boston, LA, London and Edinburgh. At Caroline's, he delivered a breathless set of jokes about Michael Douglas' oral sex comments, and other assorted non sequiturs. But first, he sat down with the Guardian's Amanda Holpuch to talk about corporate America, the great New York v LA debate and what he thinks is the worst thing in the world.

What do you think of the NSA?

Terrible. It's fun, though, for people to see that the Democratic party and Republican party are two wings of the same bird and that corporations run the show, so this is a good eye-opener, a good bipartisan eye-opener for people to realize that the government – which I don't want to say doesn't work for you – I would say that the government is working for you maybe three hours out of their eight-hour day … An hour and a half, half an hour – the length of a sitcom.

What is the worst possible thing they could find about you?

Really, nothing. I'm incredibly boring. For example, I don't break the law. Sexually, I like sexually mature, adult women. So I'm not into anything weird. The things I fantasize about in my sickest fantasy would be, like, having sex with one healthy, mature, normal, consensual, female adult – and then another one later in the day. Not even at the same time. That would be silly to me. They would fall asleep if they mined my data. They'd be like: "This guy, ugh." Really, there's nothing bad.

Speaking of corporate America, you say really outrageous and heinous things to McDonalds, Walmart and other companies. Have you received any especially rewarding responses?

One of my favorites was Charmin, they have those animated bears who talk about how those bits of toilet paper don't stick to your ass, as if in the world that's a rampant problem. So I said to them something like: "You feature these animated bears, but I'll have you know an animated bear killed my daughter you son of a bitch."

That made people happy, I think, because those ads are ridiculous. It's like they're making up a problem, which of course companies do every day to get people to buy stuff. But that's one that upsets people so I was happy that people enjoyed me making fun of them.

When did you start becoming distrustful of corporate America?

Maybe around '99 or 2000, watching Bush and Gore go up against each other and noticing their were so many similarities between the two parties. That said, I campaigned for Barack Obama in 2012 and would do it again. Only for the Affordable Care Act, I don't care about him or the Democratic party, I'm certainly not a Democrat.

But the Affordable Care Act is one of those once-every-75-year pieces of legislation that is better than the status quo, so I did everything I could to help get him elected – and I would again do it right now. Which isn't to say that [Obama] isn't some millionaire living an ivory tower disconnected from regular people. Corporations and lobbyists write our laws and they've been doing that for a while and we have to fight that.

So how would you suggest people fight them?

Humor, with compassion. We don't need to hate them. Hate doesn't fix things. We band together, recognize the human in each other, we help each other. I mean, there's vast political strength in being kind to, for example, people in your own family, to people on your street … face-to-face human interactions can have a lot of power. Read to your kids. I'm serious. I champion education and health in particular because if you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, once people address those things, then they can start to talk about things like global warming.

So do you feel like you're able to act on those issues and contribute to those issues through comedy?

Absolutely. Comedy is massively powerful. I wouldn't say I am, but comedy is, so I try to harness its power whenever I can and focus it in a positive direction.

Are there any comedians currently, or in the past, that you think do that really well?

Carlin. No need to go beyond Carlin.

So, LA. People hate on it a lot, especially here. You're there, and you're happy there. Make your case for LA.

Well first, I'd like to insult people who hate on LA. If you hate on LA, you're an idiot. It is an exploding, dynamic city filled with all kinds of people, horrible people to be sure, but also wonderful people.

It's a little harder to get the lay of the land than in New York because it's physically larger. It's almost like if you put a bomb in New York City that didn't destroy things, it just spread it all out. So it has all the marvel and wonder of New York, but you just have to hunt a little harder.

And then add to that the fact that I live by the beach and can literally sled in the mountains, lord over the skyscrapers of downtown LA in Angeles national forest then go swimming at night in the ocean, with not that much of a drive – and still have been in Los Angeles County the whole time. It's pretty great. So I'm a massive fan of LA.

I'm searching for questions on Twitter, but I don't know how to use iPhones. Here is a question I wrote on the train: how do you know when you're in love?

Kind of like sickness, it's like gastroenterological distress. Trying not to fart or vomit in your stomach when you're around that person. Real discomfort in stomach. I don't know if I ever felt in my heart, proper, but you should just feel general malaise.

What are your top tips for raising children?

I don't know because my oldest is two. We haven't had any mass challenges, we've kept them alive, we love being around them, they greet us happily whenever they see of us. So for kids my age, the thing is to be physically present as often as possible, and patient and kind, but you need to be in the same room as them. You need to be touching them, reading to them, tousling their hair and smelling them and running around with them. So that's what I can say about young kids – be present and do things with them, whatever they are. That's what I would say to get the kid to two, beyond that I don't know what you do.

What is the most surprising thing about becoming a father?

The thoroughness and immediacy of which I transformed from a selfish bag of mayonnaise into somebody who would gigglingly dive into molten copper if I thought it would make my child smile.

Any advice for a 21-year-old who hates their job and has the possibility of traveling the world? And has a boyfriend that they like. (This is for a friend.)

Go do it. Fuck him. Is he a guy in his 20s? Then he's the least significant type of person on the planet. A male in their 20s? Run in the opposite direction. Nothing he says matters; his fears, his hopes his dreams are garbage. Men in their 20s are the worst thing happening on our planet. Go, go to Uzbekistan, go to South Korea, just go anywhere he isn't because men in their 20s are bad for young women.

So what do women in their 20s do?

Masturbate. Date other women for a while. Use men sexually for a while but don't ever invite their opinion or be bound to them in any way.

This interview has been edited for length