Hi, I’m Josh. I grew up in a Pentecostal Christian home. I was indoctrinated with the belief that the Bible was the literal word of god, without error, and it was the ultimate book on how to life your life. It defined who was good and who was evil. I believed that good people who believed in Jesus would go to heaven, and be happy forever, and that everyone else (the good and the bad) who didn't believe in Jesus would go to hell.

Most Christians say that hell is an awful place. Pentecostal fundamentalists teach that it’s filled with fire and brimstone, and everyone is trying to chew off their own tongues or something crazy like that. The devil walks around and beats the shit out of you, and demons laugh at your torment while they probably rape you and spit in your face. It sounds terrible, and I've had nightmares about hell.

Why the fuck would anyone tell their kids about a place like that? Why would you teach a child to be afraid of being bad? We all fuck up at one point or another in our lives, especially when we are young. It’s important to learn how to treat others, and to respect the people around you. I was taught that being good wasn't something I should do, because it would help me get along with my fellow man, but that it was something you needed to do if you didn't want to burn for eternity.

I was afraid.

This was a serious thing to me. I couldn't enjoy my own life anymore, because I was scared that I would die at any moment, and I would have some sin I didn't know about and god would reject me.

I had to learn everything that there was to know in the Bible. Not because I thought it would make me a better person, since I’ve always been a good person, but because I didn't want to end up in hell.

So I studied the Bible. I went to church several times a week, attended a Christian high school, and when I graduated I went to a Bible school for a couple of years.

The more I read and studied, and the more I knew about what was in the Bible, the more I realized…

…none of it makes any fucking sense.

No one could answer my questions, and explain to me why god gave a rat’s ass about women wearing jewelry, or why drinking was bad. What was wrong with rock and roll, or movies? Why couldn't I make out with girls and have sex?

So I stopped going to church.

Well, sorta. I stopped going to that church, The Deliverance Center. I knew they were crazy, but I wasn't ready to give up on god just yet. After a couple of weeks I started going to a Church of God, another Pentecostal sect that was slightly less insane. I went there for a year or so, but there was still so much they said that I couldn't agree with, or accept that an all powerful deity would care about trivial things like homosexuality, or smoking pot, or voting democrat.

I stopped going. I couldn't come up with a good reason to go to church every week, so I just stopped going.

As the years went by, if anyone asked me what I believed, I would say that I was an agnostic, or possibly still a liberal Christian at first, but my beliefs kept changing to reflect those views less and less.

Gay people aren't monsters, a lot of them are awesome people and I have some good friends who are gay. People who drink or smoke pot responsibly aren't the worst people ever, hellbent on destroying “good Christian values”. They are just people who like to enjoy life.

At the start of this year, I began to do a lot of self reflection, to try and figure out what was going on with my life. I had spent a lot of time ignoring psychological issues, which were mostly caused by my strict upbringing. I've dealt with my anxiety, and I am getting to the root of some other personal issues.

On the whole over the past few years, I have been happy. Sometimes really happy. I can't say that of the time I spent going to church, or as a Christian. I used to be miserable. I hated myself, and I felt guilt and shame over things that any normal sane person wouldn’t have any issue with, and they most likely enjoyed doing them.

I've realized that I have been way better off without god or religion in my life. I still have some work to do to erase the damage done by being brainwashed about Jesus and sin, but I am happy with my life. I've recognized the areas I need to work on, and I can see the root cause of a lot of these issues.

That’s a part of why I am starting this blog. I want a place where I can discuss my views on religion and politics, and share my thoughts on sex, drugs, and rock and roll. My views on the universe are the opposite of what they were ten years ago, and I want to get them out there.

So look forward to covering tons of interesting topics, and sharing some awesome stuff that’s out there.

Live long and prosper,

-Josh