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Dear Stacey Dash,

You are fine.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I just might hate you. Here's why: the things that you say make my ass itch. I do not like it when my ass itches. Alas, as I scroll my decidedly Black-as-fuck Facebook feed, you and your recent comments about the need to abolish Black History Month because we, the Black people, are Americans and we, the Black people, can't have it both ways - and by it, I mean segregation (like BET and Black History Month) and integeration (like home loans, righteous policing, and water that won't give us Legionnaires disease) - my ass has begun to itch.


I'd call you dangerous but you aren't. Nobody under 18 has any clue who you are and nobody over 18 is listening to shit you have to say with any modicum of respect. I don't even think Don Lemon likes you, and there's a better than 50 percent chance that if an actual Race Draft were to happen, The Black Race might actually take Don Lemon in exchange for you. I'm speculating there, but even in his most misguided ways, Don Lemon at least thinks he's helping out.

There ain't nan' nigga alive that thinks that you are doing a service to the community from whence you came. Well, maybe Ben Carson, but that motherfucker commissioned a painting of himself posing with Jesus which is obviously as Black a thing to do as possible, but is also kind of creepy and the kind of shit that Jesus would have frowned upon . Point is, the fact that "Fox & Friends" continues to employ and ask you for your opinion is no surprise; the fact that you sound like you believe the shit coming out of your mouth is though.


I've been hard on Kwanzaa, and in my judgier days would go on rants about why it isn't a real thing. But the truth is, if it brings joy to people and it allows them to institute a tradition that they feel is more representative of our culture when mainstream America continues to show us otherwise, then so be it. It isn't a necessity, but hey, if you like it, I love it. But thinking that Black History Month is unnecessary because we're all Americans is like Nikki Haley's dumb ass saying that we've never passed a law in this country that's been based on race.

Haley's was egregiously stupid and one of those moments I'm sure she'll revisit and say, "what in the fuck was I thinking?" You, on the other hand, probably think that the election of Obama made up for slavery and other things that "weren't cool", like many in your party do. As redundant as the annual parade of facts and figures of Black History Month tend to be, the truth is, most people - Blacks included - wouldn't pay the slightest attention to what Black Americans have done for this nation of ours without it. Our achievements and accomplishments would go unnoticed by the masses without somebody saying, "hey, it's motherfucking Black History Month…Black people did all this shit. Remember?" Without Black History Month, nobody would care. Real talk.

Now let's look at White History Month, which would swallow whole Black History Month. It's every month. Just like every channel is White Entertainment Television. BET exists to make sure that Black stories are told. Okay, were told. I can't be mad at you for wanting BET gone (though as BET's Twitter account pointed out today, you were more than happy to take a check from them), but it's not for the same reasons. I don't think it is serving the need any longer, at least not well. But much like the NAACP, while I may wonder about it's utility, I'm glad it's there when I need it, because if it isn't, then nobody would care to focus on the Black segment of the population.

Meanwhile, my entire educational life, even while attending college at my beloved Historically Black College, was full of information based on old white men. There's no discussing the laws of the land without discussing the Constitution, penned by a bunch of white men who had nan' Black person in mind (short of short-changing us, and women). Every single day of our lives is full of white history and education. We can all name Presidents, hell they're on the money we're all chasing. It's plastered on the names of buildings and cars, etc. White history is everywhere. It is American history. So is Black History though, except its conveniently only important during February as companies work like mad to ask Donte in IT if the cafeteria menu is racist.


It is important for the same reason why #BlackLivesMatter is; and people who still don't get that there is a "too" on the end of the phrase, like Stacey Dash, are why Black people stay so angry in this country. The fact that you, Ms. Dash, are one of those people who should understand this but takes this anti- mantle and does a disservice should be dumbfounding. But let's be honest, I don't know that anybody ever said, "that Stacey Dash, what a mind!"

The #OscarsSoWhite controversy is a real thing and it isn't JUST because we don't have enough roles worthy of winning, it's because the contributions of Black people in Hollywood absolutely go unacknowledged. That's why the frustration persists. It's the REASON why the BET Awards and Image Awards exist, you dolt. But here you go alienating the very people who might actually give your bombaclot ass an award or time on stage in front of, clearly, the most forgiving community on the planet. But nope, you want to separate yourself into the land of being different and the exception to the rule. Kind of how Michael Jordan and other uber-famous celebrities are viewed. OJ Simpson learned that "you're not like the other ones" lesson all to well, didn't he.


Because I don't want to believe that you truly believe the shit you say I have to ask…what do you get out of trolling your people? And when did you get this way? It couldn't have been when you were starring in Mo' Money. Or running through airports in Kanye West videos. Who hurt you so badly that you decided that you'd support idiot ideologies?

Having a different opinion or a conservative opinion is one thing, pretending like race doesn't exist and that Black people are the unreasonable ones with our Black-love and acknowledgement is a level of fuckery reserved for those who truly either don't know, don't show, or just don't care about what goes on in the hood.


They shot Ricky. And de la soul is dead. And Stacy, you are clueless.

And yes, I hate you.

If you see me in the streets and try to holler at me, I will be very rude to you.


Thank you.

Panama