When she goes to Ollivander's, he asks for a strand of her own hair to put in her wand because she's just that special.

2. Since she's a much bigger deal than "The Boy Who Lived" period, she saves Harry from his awful martyrdom/superiority complex.

3. Decides not to wear the Sorting Hat because it's just not a good look. Dumbledore allows her to pick a house; she picks all of them.

strong>4.

And then she wins the House Cup ~PERSONALLY~ every year.



5. Never needs to remember the common room passwords because everyone, including the paintings, is just desperate to be around her.

People are also always using Polyjuice Potion to look just like her, but it never works because there can only be one Beyoncé.

6. Features on the most popular/coveted Chocolate Frog trading card of all time. Always looks flawless when she shows up in the photo.

7. Already owns the Philosopher's Stone, in four different colors.

8. She just sees herself in the Mirror of Erised.

9. Can play all seven positions in a Quiditch match simultaneously.

She snatches the Golden Snitch like it's a Grammy or Umbridge's fake weave.



Teaches the Mandrakes to sing in tune, thus making potting them very easy, and saves all those Petrified people before the winter break.

However, Colin Creevy is a total paparazzi so no one is too bothered about him. #sorrynotsorryP.S. the basilisk tries to Petrify her and she Petrifies it instead.

11. Frees Dobby with a full collection from House of Dereon, not just some gross old sock.



Uses TimeTurner just to have a nap.

13. Is the only student in Hogwarts history whom Trelawney predicts good things for.

And even then, it's an understatement.

14. HER PATRONUS IS HERSELF.

And she is an animagus — the queen bee, obviously.

15. Disrupts the Quidditch World Cup because all the veela fall in love with her.

16. Wins the Triwizard cup without even putting her name in.

Also saves Cedric Diggory because RPatz's cheekbones deserve better.

17. Can conjure up a mean "expelliarmus" spell with a single hip thrust.



Centaurs, even the haughtiest ones, are fine with her riding them.

19. Veritaserum only forces her to sing old Destiny's Child hits she's kind of over by now, but that's still a gift for the rest of us.

20. An entire room at the Department of Mysteries is dedicated to figuring how just how she does it.

21. Has her own anagram and it's much better than that "I am Lord Voldemort" rubbish.

You see, Beyoncé Knowles spells out "OBSCENELY EN WOK" which is brilliant, and possibly also a Cosmo sex tip if you mull it over for long enough/get creative.



In fact, Voldemort calls off his whole Hogwarts-ruining attack after her Superbowl performance.

(For consistency's sake, we'll say this happens halfway through her sixth year at Hogwarts. Perfect timing.)

strong>23. However, before the whole truce/happy ending, he tries to make a horcrux out of that glove she wore in the "Single Ladies" video.

P.S. Michelle Williams is in Hufflepuff.

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Alex Rees Deputy Editor of News I’m the news director here at Cosmopolitan.com, and I could really use a cup of tea right now.

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