FAIRFAX, VA—Offering an official condemnation for what the organization viewed as his rabid anti-gun agenda, the National Rifle Association issued an “F” rating to Bugs Bunny Wednesday for tying up gun barrels into pretzel shapes. “Time and time again, we have seen this radical agitator seeking to curtail the Second Amendment rights of Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam by twisting their lawfully purchased firearms into a big bow,” said CEO Wayne LaPierre, telling reporters that the Looney Tunes star’s history of contorting even low-capacity firearms such as shotguns was depriving everyday citizens of their freedoms and earning him the lobby’s lowest rating. “If this sort of leftist intimidation tactics prevail, we’re looking at a future where government agents can come to your house while you’re sleeping and bend your gun into a U-shape or jam the barrels with carrots. Coastal elites like Bugs Bunny might be okay with that outcome, but true Americans will never stand for it.” LaPierre added that the NRA would be issuing an “A” rating to Marvin the Martian for providing a sterling example of a responsible ray gun owner.

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