I’ve known “Noi” for about three years and in that time she has shared some hilarious stories of her adventures with customers but the best of them all has to be the 25,000 baht handjob.

The tale starts off in typical fashion with Noi being chatted up by an older and somewhat quietish “German” fellow in her bar. She sits and smiles and charms her way into a bar fine. Not too difficult a task for a little cutie like Noi.

So off they go. And definitely not hand in hand much to the annoyance of Mr Germany. You see, Noi is always three customers ahead and doesn’t want anyone thinking she is loved up. Yes, she will laugh at your crappy jokes, smile and nod at your dull stories but she isn’t one of those touchy feely girls. Flirty but hands off flirty. And of course, everyone is just her “friend”.

Up Soi 4 they go with long time booked. The last thing she wants to do is spend time alone in a hotel room with this guy so the usual list of time killers is suggested. Eating, dancing, shopping, eating, drinking, rounded off with some more eating, and that is food I’m on about, not body parts.

Over dinner her charming smile and the Germans intake of beer has him ask Noi how much for 2 nights / 3 days. Her quote is an agreeable 10,000 baht. Deal done.

This part of the story alone I find hilarious because he has been in her company for all of 90 minutes, hasn’t laid a hand on her and she likewise yet he is willing to roll the dice that she will satisfy his needs in the bedroom. No concerns whatsoever that she might be a starfish. And from what I could gather, it certainly wasn’t his first time to Bangkok.

With four or five plates polished off and the clock edging towards 11pm it is time to fill up on booze. Off the happy couple go to watch a band. Her plan at this point is to fill her new friend full of beer. Noi is happy to sip Cokes all night.

The clock strikes 1 and it’s time to head back to the hotel. The German crashes out on the bed and is snoring in less than 30 seconds. Noi’s little frilly knickers aren’t coming off tonight much to her delight.

Morning comes around and Mr Germany has some business to attend to. No morning nookie was on offer as Miss Noi showered and dressed before sleeping beauty wakened. Off he goes leaving 5,000 for shopping suggesting she buy something sexy. Fearing her gameplan of as little intimate contact as possible may be rumbled she asks as he is closing his wallet for her fee with one of the usual textbook excuses. Sick relative, family emergency. You all know the tales. I just can’t recall which one she fed him. On the table now sits 15k. She doesn’t even thank him with a peck on the cheek and at this point, he is out some serious cash with absolutely nothing in return.

He leaves and she has the big bed all to herself. Time for some sleep. Mid afternoon she heads back to her place to pick up something sexy bought on a previous excursion at another friends expense.

Back to the hotel for 7pm and expecting a seeing to before they head out she tells me he doesn’t lay a finger on her or even mention sex. She thinks this is great and if he wants her then that’s down to him to do something about it. Sure she will screw him but she isn’t making any moves. The onus is on him as far as she is concerned.

The second nights entertainment is pretty much a repeat of the first except when they get back to the hotel there’s no crashing out. Showered, towelled and laid on the bed in the dark the German just lays there. She doesn’t touch him, nothing. Not even a hug. He then takes her hand and places it on his tool and she obliges him with a tug. He cums, she showers again and returns to the sound of snoring. Happy days thinks Noi.

The next day is spent shopping and an array of clothes and shoes are bought with a bill of 10,000 baht. The clock is ticking and Noi is bored and wants to head to the hills sharpish.

Back to the hotel and she packs her stuff and prepares to make her escape. Her friend just sits there watching TV as she shuffles her sexy little ass around his hotel room gathering up her bits and pieces.

She tells him she is going and tonight she will be working if he wants to stop by her bar for a drink. With that, she smiles, about turns and is out the door 15k richer plus a new 10k wardrobe.

As she finished off the story I was sat shaking my head laughing in disbelief. Not only at her but at the German guy. You see Noi is a horny little minx. She loves sex but who knows what the deal with her and the German was. Typical bargirl milking the dumb Farrang like the cash cow he was? I really don’t know.

But her story wasn’t quite finished.

She went on to tell me the following day as she was heading to work she seen her “friend” on Soi 4 and shouted hello to him. He turned round, seen her and turned his head and carried on walking without returning her greeting, Her look of disgust that he could just ignore her was priceless.

Even after I went over the fact that for 25,000 baht all she had given the guy was one handjob, the penny still didn’t drop that this was why he ignored her.

For Noi, it was all his fault for not making the first move.