I’m about to save you some time, and let you know what you’ll find in each of the thousands of “my trip to heaven” stories.

First: Trouble!

We know in order to get this heavenly party started, someone is going to have to bite the dust. Things are about to get hairy. In short:

Next: The Unknown

Our hero has died, and is now in heaven, the place of prayers, the great beyond, they have traveled into the light, they are with God, or whatever euphemism for heaven the author fancies.

And Then: The Lesson

God doesn’t offer day trips to Heaven without teaching you something. Spoiler alert, the lesson is most often related to loving others and living life to the fullest.

Then: The Triumphant Return!

Our hero is back from the dead, and is on to live a happy, fulfilled life filled with love and purpose.

There you have it. I’m truly happy that these people are alive and have a new sense of purpose, but please, oh please, can we stop publishing these books? Seriously, how many round trip to heaven books must there be in this world? I beg of you, let’s write about something else now.