Not sure whether this is best presented as a submission or a question, so forgive me if I’m using the wrong form. I got into an argument with a thin friend the other day who casually mentioned that she likes to shop the plus-size racks at a discount store we sometimes visit together. As an example of what she would buy, she said she likes to pair a “gigantic” cashmere sweater with leggings or wear it as a dress. She’s admitted to me in the past that she favors baggy clothing because she believes it makes her look thinner. >:-0

To be honest, while problematic, the word “gigantic” and the fact that she complacently submits to fatphobic beauty standards don’t <i>especially</i> piss me off. We’re inundated every day with messages that straight sizes are “normal” and that women should be as tiny as possible, and I’d be lying if I said I never empathized with the impulse to look smaller.

But. What gives me pause here is that there are already so few clothing options for fat people, especially high quality items like the cashmere sweaters she’s poaching. She gets compliments all the time for her “creative” sense of style, which sometimes consists of indiscriminately throwing on clothes that don’t fit her, while as an actual fat person I invest in high-quality tailoring and shop for hours for the perfect fit, then am grateful if I can go unnoticed in a fashionable crowd instead of being sneered at.

She told me at one point that she does suffer from tactile hypersensitivity, a neurological condition that requires her to wear loose-fitting clothing. Is it ableist for me to wish she’d accomplish this by going up a couple of sizes from her standard size 4, instead of by stealing from plus size racks? And what about women (or men) who do not have disabilities and simply buy oversized clothing as a matter of aesthetics? Part of me thinks any resentment here would be misplaced, since if more thin people started wearing large clothing then more clothing companies would manufacture it. But something just doesn’t sit right.

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Mod response:

I think you’re right, your friend does deserve special acknowledgment due to her condition. She should be able to wear clothes as big as she wants to.

I think what might be bothering you is the approval your friend is getting for being ‘stylish’ and 'original’ by wearing plus size clothes, when if a fat person wore those same clothes they might be called frumpy simply for having a fat body underneath them.

Her saying she likes baggy clothes because they make her look thinner could be problematic – then again, are you sure she’s not just saying that in order to state a reason for wearing baggy clothes that doesn’t include her condition because she might not want to bring it up all the time?

This is a tricky one. It’s important to recognize there are thin people who poach cheaper plus size clothing (especially thrifters) purely for fashion reasons, and that’s not cool. Then again, if she has tactile issues then I don’t think it’s right to call her out for doing this.

-ATL