Kristen Bell is 5’1 yet contains the sheer power of a thousand suns, and is able to completely nail being both a crass reprobate doomed in the afterlife as well as an adorably naive Disney princess. Truly she is an enigma, and as is the way with all mysteries of the universe, like going to bed with wet hair and somehow waking up with it actually looking really good, or hitting every green light on the way to work, we don’t have to fully understand how it’s possible in order to appreciate it.

Yesterday Kristen was presented with a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame (it’s about damn time) and the speech she gave upon receiving it was equal parts hilarious and touching, and just so, so good — like pretty much everything else she does.

“Thank you, I am so grateful to be accepting this honor today on these hallowed streets where Pretty Woman sold her body for money, it’s really a dream. You know, my husband always says that I was born with a horseshoe up my ass, and I tend to fight that claim, but looking around here today I’m not sure, because he may be onto something — I am suspiciously lucky, and not because I have a career worthy of this star, but because of all the people I’ve been able to orbit along the way.”

After many heartfelt anecdotes and sharing some advice that she picked up from Cher, she closed with a sentiment so eloquent and witty that should probably be engraved on a placard and showcased alongside the star itself.

“Thank you all for being here and for this honor today, this star will really only know its true value when, inevitably, someone is mugged in that very spot, and as they clutch their purse, the assailant screams, “LET IT GO!” And the victim will look up and say, ‘That’s not even her song, you son of a bitch.’ Only then will I know that I’ve truly made it.”

Amazing.

You can check out Funny Or Die’s sketches with Kristen Bell as well as more funny articles right here.