BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Turning up the volume on his record player while wearing his best sharkskin suit, George Clooney reportedly spent another evening at home Thursday with the mummified members of the Rat Pack. “Hey, Frankie, how about you tell that story about the hostess from the Sands and I pour us some more gasoline—three fingers on the rocks, right?” said Clooney, who, after distributing the drinks and clearing everyone’s plates, reportedly grabbed the chemically preserved corpses of Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr., dabbed the beads of embalming fluid running down their cheeks, and propped them up on the bar stools in his billiard room. “Rack ’em up, Dino! Man, I’m glad we still make time to get together for things like this. Say, Peter, what do you say we get some girls over here and make a real night of it?” According to sources, the evening came to an abrupt end after Joey Bishop’s deteriorating arm fell off following prolonged exposure to the air in Clooney’s walk-in humidor.

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