We can’t get enough of Scientology success stories, and this newest video, gushing about the ‘Golden Age of Tech Phase II,’ is one of the best we’ve ever seen.

Internal e-mails smuggled out of the church (particularly those showing up lately at Mike Rinder’s excellent blog) have made clear just how desperate Scientology leader David Miscavige is to get the church’s dwindling masses to embrace the changes he made in GAT II. The Orwellian twist in his marketing scheme is to convince Scientologists that they will ‘rocket’ up L. Ron Hubbard’s ‘Bridge to Total Freedom’ by paradoxically going back and re-doing low-level coursework that they initially experienced (and paid for) many years ago.

Also, Miscavige can’t really introduce new material: Hubbard is still ‘Source,’ and no real new ‘technology’ can be added since his 1986 death. So Miscavige is left with ‘streamlining’ existing material, and selling members on the idea that they’ll move more rapidly through courses.

And since it’s against the rules to go into any real detail about their experiences on these levels, testimonials have to rely on hilariously vague exclamations about being in “present time” or some similar silliness. You’ll see what we mean when you watch the video.

Best of all: the promo is bookended by the most awesome Scientologists in the world, Grant and Elena Cardone. Who wouldn’t buy a Bridge from this couple?








Recognize any of these other folks? Let us know in the comments.



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Surviving Scientology podcast: Jefferson Hawkins

Jeffrey Augustine talks to Jeff Hawkins about selling Dianetics in Scientology’s heyday…







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Posted by Tony Ortega on May 24, 2014 at 07:00

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Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer