Rock Warriors

The game of legendary fighting rocks.

To set up, gather a group of people and tell them to go find some rocks.

But only the most fine and chiseled of rocks will do, rocks that a small child would barter lunch money for.

As a general rule, they should be at least the size of a quarter, but no larger than a kiwi.

Every night, a grand Tournament is held. A heavy duty permanent marker and a supply of rubber bands should be kept on hand for the tournament.

Rock Types

Any rock that shines or sparkles is Loot. Coins may also be used as loot, but remember, you play for keeps.

Otherwise, rocks are Warrior of a certain type:

Skipper A thin, flattish rock that looks like a pancake or some-such.

Marble A smooth, roundish rock that doesn't like to stay put.

Jaguar A rough, craggy rock that has divots or dents.

Icon An edged, regular rock that can rest on three or more faces.

Trick Any rock that doesn't fit into another category. If the majority of players cannot agree on the style of a certain rock, it's this.

The Tournament

Note: A quality Tournament, the kind that attracts roaring spectators, has snacks.

To begin, every player select one of their Warrior rocks. Once all players have chosen, they reveal their choices, then settle the Warrior into a bag or box (opaque) provided by each player (velvet-lined, of course). This continues until all players have chosen five or so rocks.

Any players who do not have five Warriors, as well as a hefty amount of Loot, cannot participate in this tournament. They can still eat snacks.

All Warriors must have memorable faces drawn on them with sharpie if they haven't already. Illustrating Loot is not allowed, to keep things from being confusing.

Challenges

A Challenge begins when one player - the Challenger - grabs one of their Warriors and hides it inside their closed fist, then brandishes that fist at another player - the Rival - while shouting insults. The Rival, who must have done something horribly offensive, secretly chooses one of their Warriors to fight back (as a matter of honor, challenges must be accepted - unless you only have wounded Warrior rocks left). At this point, someone may step up in defense of the Rival as their Second (likewise picking their Warrior in secret); if so, the Challenger may take a Second, which allows the Rival to take a Third, and so on.

Due to this structure, the Challenger will never have more allies than the Rival, and may sometimes have one less.

If this is the first Challenge of the Tournament, the Rival hands over one Loot to the Challenger.

Combat is simple: The two dueling players open their fists at the same time, revealing their rocks. At this point, it's essentially Rock-Paper-Scissors with 5 types:

Skippers outrace Icons and Jaguars.

Marbles batter Skippers and Jaguars.

Jaguars scratch Icons and Tricks.

Tricks confuse Marbles and Skippers.

Icons crush Tricks and Marbles.

The winning player takes one Loot from the loser, marks their winner with Veterancy, and then fights the loser's next backup. The loser's rock is wounded (see below). In the event of a tie, both rocks are wounded, no loot is exchanged, and their backups fight each other (if possible) to avenge their honor.

The tournament can stop at any time (except for during a challenge). Once only one player is left willing and able to continue the tournament, they win, and take one loot from each other involved player.

Veterancy and Wounds

Veterancy is shown by marking the rock with fire, marker, or knife. It must be a small, repeatable symbol. During initial Tournament selection, it must be made clear if any selected rocks have Veterancy.

For a rookie Warrior with no Veterancy, even a single wound results in death. The traditional burial method is to shed a single tear, and then smash them with a hammer. However, if a rock with Veterancy is wounded, instead wrap a rubber band around it. It still loses the fight, and it's player still has to pay Loot, but it is only killed when it has more rubber bands than Veterancy ranks. Wounded rocks can fight in Challenges at the controlling player's discretion.

If a rock is not chosen to participate in a night's Tournament, one rubber band may be removed from it.

Honor and Dishonor

If any player behaves dishonorably, such as cheating, their victims get to throw rocks at them and take one piece of their loot.

The honorable way to wrap up a tournament is to drink to the victor, and clap them on their back. If you're a douchebag and/or really kinky, you can make people kiss the winning rock, too.