Last time I got stoned was by accident, I swear . . . I was at a Hardly Strictly Bluegrass festival in Golden Gate Park, listening to Loudon Wainwright. A vendor in pink frills passed with a tray of chocolate truffles. For $2.50 they looked delicious and couldn’t be spiked, could they?

Alice-in-Wonderland-like, I took a bite and felt okay. And ate more. Big mistake. It’s the notorious no-no with pot “edibles” that happens only to idiots. Unlike swifter-acting “joints,” edibles absorb slowly and erratically. Some time later, I was kisser-down in the grass and a) paralysed, b) paranoid, and c) feeling so silly. I couldn’t locate my head, let alone my phone.

The same thing happened to journalist Maureen Dowd, who intentionally ate a “magic” bar in Denver, where legal edibles are all the rage. “I barely made it from desk to bed . . . I was curled up in a hallucinatory state.”

“Not your dad’s Summer of Love spliff!” is a common take-away from official reports, many finding damage to developing teen cognition. Oddly, though, some paediatric disorders – notably seizures – improve with marijuana use. US government studies are finally under way, following years of underfunding.

Yes, medical use is legal for licensed users in California and 23 other states. But nobody has firm control here. Ongoing state, local and federal face-offs make business unmanageable. Stores open and close like weeds.

Instead of full legalisation, we have the world’s loosest medical licensing. Street pot is cheap; bud starts at $12.85 per gram.

Medical pot

Results showed joints and “medibles” (baked goods, “tinctures” or concentrates for the very sick) worked better than THC pills (Marinol), and were potentially therapeutic.

Mary Jane Rathbun and her friend Dennis Peron turned the district attorney and governor around. By 1996 “compassionate” licences were granted for nausea and pain relief. Pot “pharmacists” multiplied. Growers in Humboldt County’s Emerald Triangle prospered. Prices dropped.

A friend with prostate cancer takes it. “Let’s see. A quarter of an ounce a month is half a joint a day, 15 joints a month, $6 a joint or $3 a night. Cheaper than alcohol.” Two friends take it for breast cancer, one for glaucoma. It’s a boon for alcoholics and chainsmokers trying to quit, too.

But dispensaries vary and California borders on anything goes. “Cities and counties don’t know what to do, police are unsure how to respond,” complains San Francisco Congressman Tom Ammiano, who wants the Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control to monitor sales and licensing, which is anathema to tokers.

Confusion adds to ineffectual enforcement. Recently I passed a Yelp-hyped medical cannabis store downtown, with darkened windows and “License Holders Only” over the door. Two twentysomethings were buzzed in. They looked robust – suffering from a deep-seated need to party, maybe?

If California is the adolescent pot rebel, Washington is the grey liberal, Maine the contrarian, and Oregon a feisty newcomer. But Colorado, especially Boulder, nails the “Napa Valley of Cannabis” label, with 160 edible purveyor permits from their Marijuana Enforcement Division. Originally opposed to it – like 70 per cent of his own state – Governor John Hickenlooper changed sides after 2014’s $76 million windfall in pot taxes.

Colorado is ground central for edibles and medibles. Boulder’s top-selling “canna-bakery” is Sweet Mary Jane Edibles, where “Queen of the Munchies” Karin Lazarus employs eight bakers. Creator of Alice B Toklas cookies and prize-winning OMG Cheesecake, Karin gives her secrets away in Sweet Mary Jane: 75 Delicious Cannabis-Infused High-End Desserts. Here, she tells how to infuse canna butter, sugar or coconut oil (heat first, braise tenderly).

“Colorado is way ahead in terms of control,” Karin says. An idealist who came to Sweet Mary Jane from medibles, she gladly embraces limits to prevent overdosing.

“I don’t want anybody to have a bad time – that’s not the idea.” Nor does she worry about tastiness. She taste-tests with and without. “I have ‘tasty’ down!”

She still bakes only medibles. “As medical bakers, we’re allowed to dose with more TNC than the recreational 10mg limit. But we have to state the cannabis dose, so we lab-test everything.” “Tinctures” (drops) and “concentrates” for liver or breast cancer can be very strong.

Sweet Mary Jane Edibles is in constant contact with tough and savvy Marijuana Enforcement Division (MED), whose vigilance derives from conflicts within the state, with its large Republican majority.

Karin’s bakery is on continuous live feed. Although anyone can grow up to six plants for personal use, bakers are tracked from seed to sale on METRC (Marjiuana Inventory Tracking System).

Working for a medible producer requires background checks, fingerprints, no loans or felonies. MED recently charged couriers delivering marijuana.

“The real challenge is labelling and packaging with nutrient lists and revisions.” It’s complicated. Different strains work for pain or sleeping. ”

Cash

The hassle is worth it to Karin (who never tokes, except for migraines).

“For me this is the ideal blend of philanthropy and delicious. What I hope to see is nationwide legalisation. It would be a beautiful thing to have the federal government on board.” In Ireland too – from Emerald Triangle to Emerald Isle, she laughs.

Karin’s best shot – send the Supreme Court her OMG Cheesecake.