CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

With the election just days away, and thousands of undecided voters in the mighty Kennedy electorate – The Honourable Bob Katter III MP is all guns blazing to keep the people of the North-West onside.

Even if that means relying on that bloody time-wasting fucken hoorang internet thing.

It would appear that it is a bit difficult to speak with every concerned farmer, miner, fruit grower, fencer, ringer, mother, father, teacher, AJ in the country when your electoral division is 567,377 square kilometres.

It’s for this reason that Bob has been introduced to a little known software program named Skype.

“Hold on” squeaks Bob, while talking to a furious cattleman out of Cloncurry who’s lost every fence post on his property in the floods and isn’t allowed to cut down any trees to make new ones.

“What am I looking at here?” I can see me, can you see me?”

While Bob blindly presses buttons on the keyboard, his staffers can only sit back and watch in frustrated silence.

After hitting the mute button, Bob begins worrying that the line has cut out.

“Hold on Bruce! I’ll have to speak into the phone to hear you!” says Bob, before picking up the phone on his desk.

“Can you hear me now!?” he shouts, into the phone, attached to a 1980s telephone socket on the wall.

“CAN YOU HEAR ME?!”

“IS SHE STILL WET UP THERE? I’M HOPING TO VISIT SOON BUT I”VE BEEN BLOODY CAUGHT UP ON THE COAST WITH THESE HIPPIES IN CAIRNS AND TOWNSVILLE THREATENING TO VOTE NATS”

At time of press, Katter’s staffers had discreetly turned the power off on his computer to avoid further embarrassment, and let him continue yelling down the line for ten more minutes.