Psst...

Hey, man, do you want the truth? Do you think you can handle it?



Zombies? Humpf, yeah right. That's just ridiculous. The dead coming back to life to feed on human brains - hah! Complete and utter bullshit. Anyway, not much nourishment in most of the brains these days - empty, like candyfloss, if you had to judge by most reality TV.



No, the truth is actually worse than you can imagine...

Brace yourself, you are not going to like this...

There is, most probably by the time you read this, a gian

Psst...

Hey, man, do you want the truth? Do you think you can handle it?



Zombies? Humpf, yeah right. That's just ridiculous. The dead coming back to life to feed on human brains - hah! Complete and utter bullshit. Anyway, not much nourishment in most of the brains these days - empty, like candyfloss, if you had to judge by most reality TV.



No, the truth is actually worse than you can imagine...

Brace yourself, you are not going to like this...

There is, most probably by the time you read this, a giant spider in your head. I shit you not! You can't see it, as most people, and it is probably controlling you already. Impossible, you say?

Well, have you seen a puppet on a string? The puppeteer uses both hands, each with two pieces of wood shaped like a cross, the strings tied to the ends. Do the math:

2 hands, 4 strings each = 8 strings to control the entire body.

How many legs does a spider have? That's right, EIGHT!

Coincidence? I think not!



There has been signs, people, but it was just ignored.

Have you ever seen a spider wrap its prey up when it catches it, making it impossible to move? Well, how popular have chicken wraps become in the last few years? It's exactly the same concept!

You want more?

Parkour...it's only been a few decades, but look how popular this "sport" has become. Running, jumping, climbing...how the hell is that not supposed to be the inner spider trying to go back to nature?

How many elections have been won by politicians who have weaved a great, big web of lies...especially in the last decade?

And the Spider-Man movies - how the fuck do you remake an original ten years later and they are both hits??

Think about it, man, this shit is not just some conspiracy theory!



Ask David and John. It started in [Undisclosed], in David's house, when that spider was biting him in the middle of the night. As far as I know, they are the only two people who can see them, but that's because they drank some of that 'Soy Sauce'.

And now they have to try to prevent the end of the world, while David tries to keep his girlfriend away and she tries to get to him. And, of course, the whole town has been quarantined and all communication has been cut off. And Falconer, the FBI guy with the Porche, wants to arrest them and help them at the same time.

And lets not forget Molly, the dog...



Man, there's so much happening right now, and it seems impossible to stop Them...



Hey, it doesn't matter whether you believe me or not, man. The spider knows...



--------------------------------------------



Okay, people, I enjoyed the hell out of this book, probably even more than I enjoyed JOHN DIES AT THE END. It's funny and silly, yet somehow believable in an unbelievable sort of way. And every now and then an interesting fact pops up -

I learned about DUNBAR'S NUMBER - which is 150, but you can Google that yourself.

And then, the malaria...



FOR THE GEEKS OUT THERE:

Okay, I'm gonna be a little dick here and just make a correction on something that was written in the book:

Plasmodium falciparum...

The author said it is the parasite that causes malaria - which is true, but it is only one of the Plasmodium pathogens. Granted, it is the most common one, but you also get Plasmodium ovale, Plasmodium vivax and Plasmodium malariae.



However, since the fact wasn't completely wrong, but just stated wrongly, it's not an issue.



FUN FACT: Under a microscope, P. falciparum has the shape of headphones or a diamond ring.



Anyway, it was a fun ride, and it was a little of everything - comedy, sci-fi, horror, etc. Recommended to those who enjoys that kind of thing.