The July 2013 bar exam is exactly two weeks from today. Some of you have been studying your asses off since graduation, and some of you just started studying. In either case, no matter what you do, some of you will fail — perhaps miserably (been there, done that), or perhaps by just a point or two (been there, done that, several times), but still, you’ll fail. But maybe it’s not so bad? Come on, even famous people have failed. No. Just no. It is that bad.

The experience is absolutely mortifying because for the first time in your life, you’ve been beaten by a test. Maybe you studied the “wrong” way, maybe you had an anxiety attack halfway through the test and had to take a few crying breaks in the bathroom, maybe you skipped a bubble on the Scantron sheet and didn’t realize it until time was about to be called. Whatever happened, whatever bar exam horror story you experienced, you failed. You failed, and it’s a mark that will follow you for the rest of your life, even if you eventually pass.

This is a test you do not want to fail: you’ll be disappointed in yourself, and worse yet, even though they’ll say they aren’t, your parents will be disappointed in you. You do not want to fail this test. But if you think you’re going to fail, perhaps you should start preparing yourself for the worst before the exam.

For a great example of how to shrug off your impending bar failure with humor, keep reading…

Knowing how utterly shocked and disappointed your parents will be that their precious little angel somehow failed the bar exam, why not present them with an even worse failure to soften the blow?

That’s exactly what this July 2013 bar examinee did. He hasn’t even taken the test yet, but he’s already preparing himself in epic fashion for his possible fall from grace. Here’s his letter to his parents:

Because when you’ve fathered a future basement baby with a girl whose parents farm cocaine in Colombia for a living, failing the bar exam should be the least of your parents’ worries. Excellent work!

We wish this guy the best of luck on the exam. Hopefully he won’t have to use this letter in November.

Earlier: The Bar Exam: A List of Famous Failures

Prior ATL coverage of bar exam horror stories