These Donnie Darko Fan Theories Won’t Change the Fact that You’re 30 and Need to Get Your Shit Together

It’s hard to believe that 15 years have gone by since the release of instant cult classic film Donnie Darko. To date, the film maintains one of the most rabid and vocal fan bases the internet has ever seen. Over the years many of these fans have developed their own theories as to what was REALLY going on in the film. These fan theories range from sheer lunacy to mind-blowingly plausible and they all have one thing in common: not one of them will change the fact that you are a grown-ass adult with infinitely more important things you should be worrying about.

The Looping Tangent Universe

Is it possible that the tangent universe presented in Donnie Darko collapses and reopens every 28 days and the events we witnessed in the film were just one of countless failed attempts to bring the jet engine back into the main universe? The answer should not concern you. You’re 30 years old and the most impressive thing on your resume is “shift supervisor.” Get your house in order.

Donnie Is Schizophrenic

Throughout the movie Donnie experiences both visual and auditory hallucinations that could simply be the product of a diseased mind. Could writer/director Richard Kelly have intended Donnie Darko to be a brooding character study of a young man suffering from a horrible mental illness? Here’s a better question — how much of your monthly income is devoted to ironic T-shirts and weed? Your body is becoming more susceptible to disease and injury every day from here on out, might be nice to start building a nest egg.

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Gretchen Is Grandma Death

This theory is pretty out there and it doesn’t hold up well against scrutiny. Then again neither does any decision you’ve made in your entire adult life.

Donnie Is Dead The Whole Time

It is a THEORY that Donnie actually died in the beginning of the film and everything we see is a sort of purgatory death dream enabling him to settle his inner turmoil and rest in peace. It is a FACT that YOU are are grown man and don’t even have a driver’s license. What are you doing? Where are you going? What’s the plan here?

Donnie Darko Is The Prequel To Pineapple Express

I actually thought this one up myself, now hear me out. We never actually hear Seth Rogan’s character name in Donnie Darko and in both films he associates with drug dealers. And if you look closely at his necktie… Jesus Christ help me.

Do you have any Donnie Darko theories you want to share? Or can you help us with how to open a savings account? Let us know in the comments below!