Half-Human, Half-Robot Justice Enters Supreme Court, Introduces Self As Ruth Bader Gins-Borg

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Yesterday after the United States Supreme Court opened and justices began filing in, a half-robot, half-human with the face of Ruth Bader Ginsburg entered wielding an arm cannon, body armor, enhanced retinal targeting, and an integrated jetpack. “I AM RUTH BADER GINS-BORG. PLEASE PROCEED,” the cybernetic justice said to her colleagues, then reclined in her provided Windsor chair which was instantly crushed under the weight of her new cybernetic body.

Overall, Gins-Borg performed well, never falling asleep or showing any signs of fatigue. “She didn’t even blink,” said Judge Sonya Sotomayor who claims the cyborg justice stared at her for a large portion of the proceedings with one empty, soulless eye. At one point Sonya quietly whispered into the vacant robot woman’s ear, “is that you in there Ruth? What have they done to you?”

Some concerns were raised when an abortion bill was brought before the court and Ginsborg began repeatedly shouting, “TERMINATE. TERMINATE. TERMINATE!” Technicians were brought in and, after a brief reboot, court resumed as usual.

“Any concern that Ruth will be resigning her chair can be put to rest at this point,” said lead technician Robert Cornell. “She’s now running on the most powerful lithium-ion battery in the world, is plated with titanium body armor, runs on an Intel Xeon processor, and can get a strong wifi signal practically anywhere.” Ginsborg’s technicians believe she will remain on the court centuries after everyone on this Earth is dead and gone.

Ginsburg made history as the second female appointed to the court by Bill Clinton in 1993. Now, as Ruth Bader Gins-Borg, she has made history again as the first United States Supreme Court cyborg justice.



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