Being opposed to musicals based on existing movies used to be a valid position. In the days before TKTS looked like a multiplex marquee c.1987, when composers were safely relying on gothic novels or comic strips for source material, one could comfortably and smugly declare, “I’ve already seen The Producers, thanks.”

But, well, I know Little Shop Of Horrors is my favorite musical, but I didn’t see the Corman version until years later, so it’s okay. And yes, there’s Evil Dead, and Reefer Madness, and I guess I can get behind the idea of a Princess Bride musical, and next thing you know you’re imagining George McFly singing a tender ballad to Lorraine Baines titled “I’m Your Density,” and wondering if Jennifer will have a solo, or if she’ll leave the stage after act 1 and not turn up again til curtain call.

It’s a slippery slope, is what I’m saying.

So all you can do is let it be, and hope they at least make the right choices. I have enough trouble living in a world where Legally Blonde exists in any form, let alone one with an opening number titled “Omigod You Guys.” And you have to put some effort into it; you can’t just have your cast sing the soundtrack (looking your direction, Footloose). As a child of the 80s, I know it’s pretty much inevitable that something from the John Hughes ouevre will find its way to the stage; please, for the love of Duckie, make it Pretty In Pink. That’s basically a musical anyway. More importantly, leave Ferris Bueller alone, or I will find the producer responsible and do to them what Cameron did to the Ferrari.

On a somewhat-related note, it’s definitely time to lay off the “jukebox” musicals. Okay, great, you got the rights to use this whack of Queen songs? Well, now you have to write a story around them. You know what that’s called? Fan-fiction. Knock it off.

Unless, of course, someone wants to do a Monkees jukebox musical. In that case, call me and let me give my elevator pitch.