Muhyiddin Yassin probably had no idea how incompetent his government is when he announced his bloated Cabinet comprising 70 ministries. But with a very limited pool of intellectuals to choose from, he could only pray that his backdoor government would do as little damage as possible in the first 100 days of his administration.

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why Islamist party PAS president Hadi Awang and Malay nationalist party UMNO president Ahmad Zahid Hamidi were told to zip their mouth temporarily. Some said it was divine retribution that the Coronavirus suddenly exploded in the face of PM Muhyiddin right after he plotted with PAS and UMNO crooks to topple his own government.

But even without Hadi Awang and Zahid Hamidi, the backdoor Perikatan Nasional government, which has yet to receive any endorsement or recognition in the form of a congratulatory note from foreign countries (with the exception of Indonesia and Singapore), has seen how Muhyiddin’s boys and girls had done a spectacular job at screwing up the government.

From the moment Muhyiddin was sworn in as the country’s 8th prime minister on March 1, to his decision to lock down the country from March 18 to 31 (which has since been extended to April 14), nothing seems to be going right. It was quite a surprise because the “experienced” UMNO, the party which had ruled the country for over 60 years, is now part of the government.

Amazingly, the PM took the lead in screwing up his own government when he tried to play politics in time of a crisis. In spite of the horror first death (March 17) in Covid-19 pandemic, Muhyiddin chaired a special National Action Council meeting with all the chief ministers – except those from the states controlled by opposition Pakatan Harapan (Selangor, Kedah, Negri Sembilan, Penang and Sabah).

His action was not only disgraceful, but spoke volumes about the type of leader he was – shortsighted, irresponsible, arrogant and vengeful. His despicable act of ignoring the people from the 5 states was so unacceptable that even the disgraced former PM Najib Razak, supposedly his ally, said no state should be discriminated due to their pro-government or pro-opposition political alignment.

After public backlash against Muhyiddin’s childish and cheap politics, Chief Secretary to the Government Mohd Zuki Ali suddenly came forward and took the blame. Mr. Zuki apologised profusely and insisted that it was his mistake, not his boss’. But every Tom, Dick and his hamster knew Zuki had been made a scapegoat to shield the backdoor government of Muhyiddin Yassin.

Just when you thought things could not get any worse, enter Health Minister Adham Baba. The so-called doctor who obtained a Bachelor of Medicine and Surgery (MBBS) from Universiti Malaya became the epicentre of jokes after he appeared on national TV lecturing Malaysians on the formula to “kill Covid-19”. His method was so revolutionary that he should be awarded the Nobel Prize.

Apparently, the genius believed the virus was vulnerable to heat. Therefore, he advised people to drink warm water to “flush” virus down to the stomach and voila, the digestive acids will kill the deadly Coronavirus. It has brought embarrassment to the University Malaya that this student was not taught about the difference between the respiratory system and digestive system.

In his rush to score some cheap political points, the Health Minister hadn’t an idea as to why when the novel Coronavirus SARS-CoV-2 (aka 2019-nCoV) was first reported by China on December 31, 2019, the case was identified as “respiratory illness”. His claim was so silly that UK-based Malaysian trainee surgeon Dr Nur Amalina Che Bakri had to debunk it.

But his incompetency didn’t end there. He prematurely and proudly told all and sundry that he saw signs of a “plateau” in the number of Coronavirus cases. Right after he shot his mouth off, a spike in Covid-19 cases and deaths subsequently happened. You should avoid this doctor called Adham Baba with a 10-foot pole even if all the doctors had died from the pandemic.

The third screw-up arrived when the people were shocked with the one person per car rule. Announced by Senior Minister cum Defense Minister Ismail Sabri Yaakob, the new rule is to be implemented on top of the shortened operation hours from 8am to 8pm daily for eateries, markets, petrol stations and even food delivery services that comes into effect on April 1.

It didn’t cross the mind of Ismail Sabri Yaakob that he himself is being ferried around by his own driver. So, is he or other VIPs subject to arrest for not driving alone? In terms of practicality and convenience, enforcing one person per car rule is absolutely ridiculous. To add salt to injury, the clueless government has also announced movement restriction of 10-km radius from home.

For people who need to travel beyond the 10-km radius due to whatever reasons, they must first visit the nearest police station to obtain a written permission from the police officer in charge. Already, there were complaints that the authorities have started asking for “coffee money” before granting permission to those who need to travel to another district to attend a funeral.

With 7,500 military personnel and 8,600 police operating more than 1,600 roadblocks nationwide, it opens up golden opportunities to certain dirty authorities to make some quick cash. Now that people are forced to get written approvals before they can travel beyond 10-km radius, what is there to stop the already corrupt authorities from squeezing pocket money for the coming Hari Raya festival?

Still, nothing beats the Doraemon Minister Rina Mohd Harun, the woman in charge of the Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development. Not to be left out in promoting herself during the first stage of MCO (movement control over), the ministry gave away some jaw-dropping tips to women, especially wives and mothers working from home – put on make-up and be “flirty”.

Besides advising women to “groom as usual”, the Women Minister lectured mothers or women to avoid nagging when their spouse did household chores not to their liking, but to instead talk nicely in a “Doraemon-like” tone, followed by a giggle like the earless robotic cat. The ministry also warned women not to be sarcastic towards their spouses who do not help with housework.

Only a crazy or a retarded woman would act and speak like a Doraemon as suggested by Minister Rina. Understandable, this was the same minister who got incredibly angry during the previous Pakatan Harapan government after being questioned as to why she accepted titles and awards in conjunction with the 80th birthday of the Malacca Governor Mohd Khalil Yaakob.

Rina Mohd Harun, then-Rural Development Minister, shamelessly defended herself, arguing that titles and awards would further encourage her to provide service to the people. Not only did she admit her greed and lust for fame and titles, the incompetent minister had essentially acknowledged indirectly that she would only work hard – if bribed or awarded sufficiently.

The screw-up continued with Housing and Local Government Minister Zuraida Kamaruddin. Decorated like an alien, the single most-hated minister was slammed for wearing a full white personal protective equipment (PPE) suit during a sanitation exercise in what appeared to be a political stunt. Her gimmick would have been ignored if not for the fact that the country was suffering from a severe shortage of PPE suits.

But stealing unnecessary thunder and wasting the precious hazmat suit was just the appetizer. Thanks to Zuraida, the incompetency of Muhyiddin government caught the attention of former deputy Health director-general Prof Dr Lokman Hakim Sulaiman, who said he was perplexed to see a disinfection operation involving spraying onto road surfaces.

Lokman said the authorities should instead disinfect frequent touch-points, such as doorknobs and lift buttons – “What are they doing? Who is advising them? It is truly a waste of money. How are the roads and road curbs being contaminated? Even if road surfaces are contaminated, how could they get to your face? By people scrubbing their hands on the contaminated road surfaces and touching their faces?”

However, unlike her colleague Doraemon Rina, the arrogant Zuraida has chosen to fight back – foolishly. She defended the wasteful act of spraying the roads with disinfectant, arguing that because nobody knows exactly how the Coronavirus spread, it was therefore better to sanitize more than sanitize less. In short, she admits that she didn’t know what she was doing.

She also argued that the cost of each operation is less than RM1 million, conveniently justified that the disinfection liquid was sponsored as a corporate social responsibility (CSR). But the clueless Zuraida deliberately avoided the question why she had to waste the hazmat suit when some officers were forced to use plastic bags as PPE to carry out their jobs.

Many probably had missed out a screw-up committed by Islamist party PAS. As Coronavirus becomes the hottest trend around the world, the deputy president of PAS – Tuan Ibrahim Tuan Man – could not resist the temptation and joined the bandwagon. Appointed as the Minister of Environment by PM Muhyiddin, Tuan Ibrahim has decided to venture into a different business – sewage.

Yes, the holy man said his ministry will conduct a comprehensive investigation and research to determine whether the naughty Coronavirus could spread through the sewage system. In other words, the Islamic religious scholar was very interested to know if the virus could be detected in stool samples. And he plans to use the expertise of Universiti Teknologi Malaysia (UTM) in his new project.

Seriously? Do you really need to engage UTM to study such a no-brainer curiosity? If parasitic worms like intestinal worms could survive in your body and purged out – still alive – in stool, chances are Covid-19 could too. The burning question is – so what if the Coronavirus could be detected in stool or sewage system? Should not wastewater contain of all types of bacteria and virus in the first place?

What does holy man Tuan Ibrahim plan to do once he made the bombshell discovery that Covid-19 indeed could spread through the sewage system? Short of publishing it in Science Journals and Magazines, and make a fool of himself, will the Minister of Environment recommend to PM Muhyiddin to declare another lockdown on all toilets nationwide to prevent the virus from spreading?

Yes, within a short period of 14 days in the first stage of MCO (movement control over), the people have been entertained by at least six extremely talented ministers under Muhyiddin’s backdoor administration. That’s an average of about a screw-up every 2 days. Not bad for a 1-month old government made up of Bersatu, UMNO and PAS.

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