Peril of parents who praise too much and stop their children learning right from wrong



Parents should be left to 'trust their instincts' free from government pressure

Too much praising of a child will have negative effect

Professionals do not have all the answers, new report insinuates



Harsh but fair: It might not be a bad idea to punish your children as they need to learn the difference between right and wrong

Failing to punish children for bad behaviour harms their upbringing, a report said yesterday. And praising them all the time can also be damaging as it means youngsters do not learn right from wrong.



Parents should be left to ‘trust their instincts’ free from the pressure of too much government advice, the London School of Economics analysis said.



It condemned ministers’ guidance for mothers and fathers as ‘be nice parenting’ because it ‘sets parents up to fail’.



The report, The Pitfalls Of Positive Parenting by barrister and LSE academic Helen Reece, challenges the assumption – promoted by the state for more than 20 years – that children should not be punished.



It is impossible for parents to follow ‘positive parenting’ in which children are always praised and encouraged and never punished, according to Miss Reece.



Such methods mean social workers can always find a reason to criticise parents if they want to remove their children or prevent them adopting.



Advice given by health visitors, GP surgeries and antenatal clinics says that every time a child does something pleasing, a parent must be sure to give praise.



This means that when a parent does not praise a child ‘the parent, not the child, is seen as behaving badly’, Miss Reece said.



Her report, in the journal Ethics and Education, says that failing to reward or punish a child gives them no chance to make a choice between what is right and wrong.

‘Parents should be left to trust their own instincts,’ she said. ‘I am not saying what they should do, whether to punish or not to punish, or to smack or not to smack. I am saying they should be themselves.



‘We all have times when we are tired or grumpy and we don’t want to play, and sometimes we should be able to say I want to watch a film or talk to my friend.’



Calm it down: Too much praising of our children can have more harm than good (posed by models)

She added: ‘Positive parenting means the authorities can always find ways in which the parent’s own behaviour is lacking. And if any of us were observed for any length of time, we would be bound to transgress. The Government should not be putting parents under pressure by issuing parenting advice. Parents should trust their own intuition.



‘Positive parenting is arduous, if not impossible, and can be damaging because it sets parents up to fail.’



The report was backed by Dr Ellie Lee, from the Centre for Parenting Culture Studies at Kent University.



She said: ‘The view has become prevalent that bringing up children is far too difficult and important to be left to mere parents.

