FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

A violent altercation erupted in a Parliament House men’s bathroom recently after Minister for Resources, Water and Northern Australia Keith Pitt MP took exception to the amount of time Minister for Health Greg Hunt MP spent washing his hands.

“It escalated pretty quickly,” said an anonymous witness.

“Keith said something about how long Greg was washing his hands. Greg said that to wash your hands properly you need to sing Happy Birthday in your head twice, because that’s 20 seconds.”

“But Keith said that to save water you need to make it 4 seconds, which he said was best measured by humming ‘shave and a haircut, five bob’. Obviously, with such a heated debate it really got out of hand after that.”

According to an eyewitness statement Keith suddenly poked his as-yet unwashed index finger into Greg’s chest, which caused Greg to respond by slamming Keith’s head into a hand dryer.

At this point, Assistant Minister for Waste Reduction and Environmental Management Trevor Evans MP helped Keith to carry a struggling Greg to a cubicle where he was ‘flushed’.

Minister for Regional Health, Regional Communications and Local Government Mark Coulton MP then entered the fray by slamming Trevor’s head in the cubicle door several times.

Although many punches were thrown in the ensuing fracas, the situation was quickly brought under control when Angus Taylor MP rushed in and offered to buy the extra water that the Minister for Water was saving so he could then send it to the Cayman Islands for storage and later sell it to the Minister for Health for 300% of the original price.

This apparently made perfect sense to everybody and the melee was over.

A clearly pleased Angus was later spotted walking away saying quietly “Fantastic. Great move. Well done Angus” whilst patting himself on the back.

