Helpfullilly Mon 13-Jan-20 02:44:13

I think you need to consider WHY it is important to you she takes 'your' surname.



Would you take her's, and if not, why not?



Because it's not the done thing? It's traditional? How other people might regard you? To stake a claim she is yours now and belongs to no other? Because you don't consider her surname as belonging to her but on loan from another man?



What if she was insisting you change your name to hers or expressed hurt feelings about it and it was expected of you by society, when you didn't like the sound of it? How would you feel? Would it seem fair or nice?



I think if you follow your logic and hurt feelings you might find some sexist thinking you didn't realise you had. I'm not saying that to judge you, I think it's just one of those things that can sneak up on you or easily be absorbed as it's not something you'd often have cause to critically consider.



A name is a massive part of someones identity. Women have fought hard for the right to choose due to this. It's a decision she needs to make for herself. You don't have a right to a view, because it's not you who has to live with having a new name you will not enjoy.



It's not about you, or symbolic or accepting or rejecting you or anything else, but herself and her right to decide as fundamental aspect of how she interacts with the world and her own self image.