(I worked tech support for a major software company, specifically with their digital media products. This call was about their video editing software.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company] tech support.

(The customer gives me her info and has a thick accent I can’t place.)

Me: “Great! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yes. I am trying to edit dees beedio, and eet’s blue and blue on de ting.”

Me: “So… it’s blue, and blue… on the thing?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Where is it blue?”

Customer: “On de ting.”

Me: “By ‘thing,’ do you mean the computer screen or your camera?”

Customer: “Yes… de ting.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see what you are looking at so you’ll have to tell me the name of the thing that is blue.”

Customer: *getting angry* “DE TING!!! Eeet’s BLUUUUE AN BLUUUEE ON DE TING!!!!”

Me: “What exactly is blue? The video on your monitor? Are you outputting to TV? The viewfinder on your camera?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Yes… which one?”

Customer: *yelling* “DE TING!!!!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t understand where you are having a problem.”

Customer: “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!! I SPEAK PERFECT ENGLISH!!! MY HUSBAND TAUGHT ME HE WILL BE VERY VERY ANGRY WIT YOU!!! I DEMAND RESPECT!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!”

Me: “Ma’am, I agree. You speak English very, very well. The problem I am having is you are not telling me where you are seeing blue video.”

Customer: “ON DE TIIIING!!!”

(This exchange went on for a while before she got frustrated and hung up. The best part is, my call was being listened to by some higher level support guys. They created an internal troubleshooting document that appeared as follows:)

PROBLEM: VIDEO IS BLUE AND BLUE ON THE THING. SOLUTION: NONE AT THIS TIME. TROUBLESHOOTING:

>(TECH SUPPORT) IS THE THING BLUE? TRY REINSTALLING THE THING. >(TECH SUPPORT) THING REINSTALLED. STILL BLUE. >(ENGINEER) CANNOT RECREATE THING IN LAB. >(ENGINEER) PROBLEM ALMOST RECREATED. THING RED.

(And so on and so on…)