On Friday mornings once a month Private Members Bills appear before the House of Commons for second reading only very minor legislation domestic violence protection of workers rights civil partnerships that sort of thing if they don’t want it to pass any MP can just turn up and do what’s called filibustering strange word eighteenth century Spanish pirates you just talk and talk and talk until the allocated time runs out and that’s the end of it strange way to spend your Friday morning speaking at great length about nothing without letting a soul get a word in edgewise but some MPs like Philip Davies the member for Shipley are a little bit maladjusted and would rather be here talking and talking and talking than in the constituency listening to folk whinge about rubbish collection and political correctness gone mad and hanging’s too good for ‘em and civil partnerships for same sex couples not on my watch I’m a Yorkshireman don’t be a poof eat white bread I say what I like and I like what I bloody well say chin like a pelican brain like a sparrow hair like Michael Fabricant’s dad protection for workers soft as shite don’t like it on your bike men don’t get maternity pay do they she’ll never play for Yorkshire marriage too good for ‘em bring back marriage civil partnerships Geoffrey Boycott Brian Close that’s a civil partnership seventy nine not out dig in till lunch yes I will thank you cheese and ham sandwich n-n-n-nurse Gladys Emmanuel holiday pay sick pay cat pay dog pay ye don’t get owt for nowt you’ll work your dinner I’ll see to that positive discrimination I don’t care who you are I didn’t vote for ye four hundred and forty four per cent APR well if you can’t pay it back you should never have borrowed it handing it out to foreigners like its bloody sweets Finnegan's Wake on and on and on without even a bit of punctuation too clever by half yooman raaights yooman wrongs more like can’t smoke in a car why’s it got a bloody lighter then working time directive put a shift in forty four minutes not a pause for breath hesitation repetition deviation miscreation sex education on the NHS twelve years old barely out of short trousers the member for Bury North Istanbul Convention at this time of year I don’t think so terrible dab on right up the back of me shirt couldn’t even get a drink outside the hotel Barbara she’s had her cake and ate it International Women’s Day every day's International Bloody Women's Day eighteen hours in that Batman suit should have seen the chafing a kilo of talc a kilo of talc where does it get you absolutely nowhere tampons in schools well they’re just handin’ em out now aren’t they bent banana can’t even put a rubber jonny on it not that you’d want to at your age Mr Deputy Speaker three pm is it house adjourned same time next week is it I don’t make the rules your honour is he avin’ a laff am I avin’ a laff time of me life more like alright if you insist I’ll have half a Broadside who’d do a proper job eh