Not sure I’ve ever been as envious of a person as I am of this dude. He has my dream job. He gets PAID to get drunk and complain. He must have done something truly spectacular in his past life.

In his weekly segment for Buzzfeed called “Whine About It,” Matt Bellassai gets shit-faced and complains about something. On this particular day, he got drunk and complained about kids.

And it’s HILARIOUS.



Every kid’s nose looks like a scene from Zero Dark Thirty.

What type of animal doesn’t finish a potato-based food? Kids. Because they have no souls.

Dying.