It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup – let’s check out some new releases!

Twice – Fancy

When it first started up I thought it was going to be Twice finally giving into the tropical shithouse trend, but much like (the masterfully-arranged and highly-underrated) “Signal” they wisely push out the crap parts to the intro and outro, and the bulk of the song is actually really fucking cool. I should have had more faith, I guess I’m still mentally scarred from their crappy Jackson Five cover.

TXT – Cat & Dog

All you BTS fans who are so one-eyed that you don’t even want their labelmates getting a good review here needn’t worry as this is some complete bullshit that should have remained as a buried B-side.

N.Flying – Spring Memories

Everyone’s trying for that shit Busker Busker song viral success but you need more than “Spring” in the title, you also need to suck way more than this. N.Flying’s song is bad, but not bad enough to be truly Korean viral-in-the-springtime-like-herpes.

Verivery – From Now

It’s verivery average.

Chanyeol – SSFW

The most boring song to ever feature a 1970s muscle car in the music video.

Newkidd – Tu Eres

I’m not worldly enough to know what “Tu Eres” means in English but for now I’m going to assume it means “blonde mop head sings dull song at noon”.

Eyedi – & New

Eyedi’s songs always seem to be absolutely great or complete shit with nothing in between. Simulating 80s right down to the tape wow/flutter is maybe a little bit too much authenticity for my liking but they get away with it because the song is so great.

AB6IX – Hollwood

Some great synth work in this song, pity it’s drowned out by the vocals.

Bae Jin Young – Hard To Say Goodbye

Why does everyone in Korean ballad MVs look like they’re on valium.

Heechul – Old Movie

To Heechul’s credit at least he looks somewhat alive in this one, even if the song isn’t.

Yoon Jisung – I’ll Be There

This is super boring. Also there are no girls in it.

Baby Soul – A Piece Of The Moon

This is also super boring and there are also no girls in it, but it’s sung by a girl so this time there’s no excuse.

Destiny – Medusa

Here’s the girls I was looking for. Unfortunately this video is only about a minute long plus the song is crap but you gotta take the good with the bad.

The Boyz – Bloom Bloom

And here’s The Boyz. Their song isn’t up to much either however.

Surl – Cilla

I think there was a mistranslation problem here when these guys started reading on the Internet about making a “box MV”.

Hizy ft. Mckdaddy – Your Symbol

The visuals really suit the music here are both seem pointless and make my head hurt.

Zemini – Please

That subtitle bar is just way too chunky, think of all the extra cherry blossoms you could be looking at instead.

Yang Da Il – Tonight

What is this boring ass walking along the beach shit. We need a T-ara to come along and make overlong high budget drama videos again.

Mackelli – Canvas

The girl is attractive, and this video is totally just “let’s perv at some girl” and nothing much else. But since it’s filmed all “artsy” with slow fades people will be cool with it, just like Seoulbeats were hoodwinked into thinking “Springirls” wasn’t fap material.

Perc%nt ft. Choiza – Canvas Girl

Total bullshit, Korea’s attempts to combine jazz and hip-hop are a constant fail. Your favourite website devoted to shit comebacks (besides this one) will probably wank themselves to death over this.

Mind U – Selfish

They haven’t learned that nobody wants jazz guitar in k-pop songs.

Bambi ft. CMBY – Time In Blue

More like “time in Autotune”.

Broccoli You Too – Honja Sarayo

What is it with Koreans and broccoli, they always go for the broccoli when they want to be all “zany” and hide crap music. Don’t trust k-pop groups wiedling strange vegetables.

Viann & Khundi Panda – Anxiety Party

I get anxious listening to this crap.

Yoyomi – Surely

Fortunately trot singers are here to save the rest of k-pop from itself.

Jo Jung Min – Ready Q

Even if you don’t like trot stick with this one, it doesn’t play out quite how you think it will. Also why is every trot singer in Korea a goddamn supermodel. Even the really old ones were probably a supermodel in a past life or something.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Girl group memes and vines because I want a gf

I have to respect the sheer honesty of the title. Everyone watch, subscribe and get to know this YouTuber so they can one day meet their gf. Feel free to tell them Kpopalypse sent you!

That’s all for this week! More Kpopalypse roundup next week!