The number of people who have never been in a situation where they’ve had to get over someone they’ve been in love with astonishingly small. For most people, that is something that’s far more common than anyone would like to admit. It is not a pleasant thought but it’s best to stick to reality. And here is where I need to draw a crucial line — I’m talking about those very painful experiences where you have to get over someone you’ve been in love with for years. The aftermath can be devastating. I’ve been through that twice in my life. Once when I was in university and once somewhat recently. With this in mind, this happened to two very different versions of me: The young, enthusiastic, idealistic, ambitious and poor student and a successful lead developer of the most profitable products in a multi-national corporation and the founder of a relatively successful entirely self-funded startup.

Intuitively you would assume that the first one will get over it with much more ease than the second one. That’s what I thought up until not too long ago. And I think it has a lot to do with the more recently developed skill to evaluate a situation and make a plan instead of letting the emotions take the best of me.

The younger me took, what seemed like, the easiest path to salvation. I did not see any motivation to live and move on. All of a sudden I was no longer the perfect student. In fact I failed 10 out of 11 disciplines that year if I recall it correctly. Which plain English made me the worst student. Needless to say several professors called me in for one on one meetings to see what was going on. I didn’t give them much details, though one of them managed to read me like a book and work out exactly what was happening with me. His only response was: “Look, bad things happened to people that don’t deserve them. Life isn’t fair. Don’t let whatever has happened ruin your life”. That was the one advice I completely ignored and no words can express how much I regret it. That was my third year in university. I managed to pull through till the end and against all odds I managed to get back on track and graduate second in my class. Sadly I did it for the wrong reasons — I only wanted to avoid confrontation and problems with my family. But I had not managed to recover emotionally at all. As soon as I had my degree in my hands, I began drinking. A lot, every single day. Three months down the road I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I could barely walk on my feet, I was almost incapable of formulating whole and meaningful sentences. For the first time I got scared. I didn’t know what to do and I really had no one to ask for advice. I locked myself in for a week, turned off my phone and computer and just sat on my couch, trying to figure out what to do. After a whole week my sober mind hatched a plan. Well not so much of a plan but rather an idea. I decided I would move to a different country and start over from scratch. Change everything — my environment, my friends, even the very nice flat I was renting cheap as dirt. I wasn’t scared cause it wasn’t going to be my first time to move to a different country.

Another week later I was on a plane. I didn’t say goodbye to anyone. One day I simply vanished. I deleted my Facebook, I completely shut down my phone, I closed my bank account, I was gone for good. I barely had any money but thankfully with a degree in software engineering I was able to find a decent job withing a month. And I closed myself altogether — 0 social life — years of working, coming back home, having dinner and going to sleep. Over the course of almost 10 years I only changed my job once, which is almost unheard of in the world of IT. But my consistency was paying off. I was able to afford to buy a flat that I wouldn’t even dream about when I got out of university. But as time passed by, my human nature began surfacing again — I began socializing, I started going out, and about two years further down the line got to the beginning of my second bitter love-related experience. One that lasted for another two years. It doesn’t really matter what happened. For the record, I wish her all the best and I am glad to have met her: She was one of the very few women(might in fact be the only one) that was completely indifferent of my financial status. I am truly happy that people like her exist — people that you can take to the beach, grab a mojito and discuss books for hours and just relax. Bonus points — one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever met.

Having said all that, the fact that things didn’t go as I would have hoped did not crush me completely as I was expecting. As things went south for me, remembering what had happened in the past, I took a few days off work and I started evaluating my situation. I took a notebook and a pen and I sat on my couch looked at the mountain outside my window and did my best to come up with the best plan I could come up with. And here are the 7 points I came up with and started following which not only made the situation bearable, but in fact I have never felt better:

1. Alcohol.

No! Just no! In recent years I’ve become very fond of beer — exotic imports, craft, anything — I love it. And as I was sitting on my couch at home, I stood up, opened the fridge and looked at the two remaining beers. I decided to do the opposite of what I did last time — not a drop of alcohol, no matter what happens. Staying away from alcohol helped me stay composed and keep my thoughts in one place. I know it’s far more intuitive to grab a drink and try to numb yourself but in reality you aren’t doing yourself a favor. Things will be just as you left them the next morning.

2. Get a gym membership and use it.

I know it sounds like a cliché and that’s the last thing you feel like, but trust me, go and do it. I got myself a gym membership several months earlier so all I did was go a little more often than before. I’m not sure if I’m lucky but the gym right next to my place has a very positive vibe. There are all sorts of people going there: young, old, smart, daft as a brush, but they all share one thing in common — they are all very friendly and welcoming. And that is equally as valid for my trainer, despite his intimidating looks and being a former military. There are these people that can instantly make you feel better just with their presence and somehow he is one of them. With gyms at every corner, take a walk, find something similar and stick to it. You will almost instantly feel energized and calm.

3. Stay off social media.

This did not apply to me since I deleted all social media accounts years ago but if you haven’t, this is the point where you should. Don’t talk yourself out of it by saying “but how will I talk to my friends”. I hate to admit it but a man I really dislike for a number of reasons, said something to me several years ago: “If someone isn’t a part of your life as it is, then there is a very good reason for it”. If someone isn’t your friend outside the confined social media platform, then what good are they really?

4. Reading.

I can’t tell you how much books I’ve read in recent months. Over the course of one month I’ve read more books that I normally would in an entire year. Find good books and spend all the time you have available — before you go to sleep, on the bus on your way to work, on your way back, while you are cooking pasta — every second you have in between tasks — use them.

5. Find new hobbies.

Not to keep your mind occupied but rather to help you function better. I personally bought a bike and it’s a great activity for your weekends. Additionally I found a very nice shooting range not that far from my place and I go there once or twice a month. To my surprise, I turned out to be really good with a gun and I was invited to join a competition in early July. And I am going. I’m not hoping to win anything but a competition sounds thrilling. I also rediscovered kart-racing and with the rediscovery in mind, we get to point 6.

6. Rediscover old favorite activities.

As far as income is concerned — me and this girl were from different universes. For two years in attempt to keep this gap out of plain sight I dialed down on some of the things I enjoyed and one in particular I absolutely loved — traveling. In that period I’ve been on trips 3 times, 2 of which were work-related. Before that I was taking every opportunity to visit and discover a new place on my own. Just pack the basics, find a cheap flight and a decent place to stay and that’s all there is to it. The traveler in me is back in town. With early planning you can arrange an astonishing holiday abroad, cheap as dirt.

7. Put maximum effort in your dreams.

You can’t possibly imagine how much effort I’ve put in my startup lately. And though I am facing a lot of roadblocks in the forms of licenses, regulations and a ton of other problems, I am getting work done and it feels great. That has been my dream for almost half a decade and now I’m seeing the result of all my hard work like never before thanks to of all the additional effort I put into it.

I know many of those things might appear easier said than done but that isn’t the case. Due to my changed lifestyle, some people seem to get the impression that I’m abandoning them and becoming more and more alienated. And if any of them are reading this, please try to understand — I am not trying to abandon you. I just need this in my life right now and things will probably change sooner or later. I hope you can understand that. And I’m sorry if I’ve left you with the wrong impression.

Bottom line — it may not be the most pleasant time of your life. But you have to make the best out of the situation. And following those 7 steps, life can actually be pretty good. Look at it from a different point of view — you get the chance to enjoy yourself and, as bad as it may sound, be a little bit selfish. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.