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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report — Presented by UANI — Judiciary panel releases report detailing impeachment charges | Report says 'Trump has realized the Framers' worst nightmare' | Trump slams Democrats, 'Fake News Media' | House vote on impeachment likely Wednesday | Why Trump's having a good month despite impeachment | Spending bill, trade deal, defense bill add to packed week for Congress | Trump attacks presidential debate commission | Floats skipping group's debates | Biden, Sanders lead in new 2020 Dem poll

LATEST WITH THE IMPEACHMENT

Released this morning -- let me just grab your attention for a quick 658-page explainer:

The House Judiciary Committee released a report on the impeachment charges against President Trump Donald John TrumpBiden says voters should choose who nominates Supreme Court justice Trump, Biden will not shake hands at first debate due to COVID-19 Pelosi: Trump Supreme Court pick 'threatens' Affordable Care Act MORE. http://bit.ly/2PNWvN2

The line that is getting traction: "President Trump has realized the Framers' worst nightmare." http://bit.ly/2LZYwER

How long is the report: 658 pages. An easy, breezy read.

Read the actual report: http://bit.ly/2PNWvN2

REACTION FROM PRESIDENT TRUMP:

He tweeted: "READ THE TRANSCRIPTS! The Impeachment Hoax is the greatest con job in the history of American politics! The Fake News Media, and their partner, the Democrat Party, are working overtime to make life for the United Republican Party, and all it stands for, as difficult as possible!" http://bit.ly/36yamOm

WHEN TO EXPECT THE HOUSE VOTE TO IMPEACH PRESIDENT TRUMP:

The vote will likely happen on Wednesday. http://bit.ly/2EjDqNx

It's Monday of a chaotic week in Washington, D.C. I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook.

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IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Whatever, it's been a great month ¯\_(ツ)_/¯:

Via The Hill's Brett Samuels and Morgan Chalfant, "President Trump is about to be impeached, yet at the White House, it doesn't feel like he's having a bad month." http://bit.ly/34sHh5i

Why: "Trump is reveling in a series of legislative and executive victories."

For example: "On Friday, Trump announced terms of a 'phase one' trade agreement with China that he trumpeted as a 'phenomenal deal' that leaves room for a more substantial accord moving forward."

Oh and: "The House passed an annual defense policy bill establishing Trump's long-desired Space Force and paid parental leave for federal workers; members of Congress appear on the verge of passing a complement of spending bills; and the House is poised to approve the president's signature North American trade deal, which Trump himself dubbed the "silver lining to impeachment."

How the White House is taking the news: http://bit.ly/34sHh5i

WHAT IS HAPPENING IN CONGRESS THIS WEEK

Buckle in:

Impeachment: The House Rules Committee is expected to markup the impeachment articles on Tuesday, followed by a likely House impeachment vote on Wednesday.

Government funding: Congress has until Friday to fund the government to avoid another government shutdown. House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer Steny Hamilton HoyerCentrist Democrats got their COVID bill, now they want a vote House to vote on resolution affirming peaceful transition of power On The Money: Anxious Democrats push for vote on COVID-19 aid | Pelosi, Mnuchin ready to restart talks | Weekly jobless claims increase | Senate treads close to shutdown deadline MORE (D-Md.) said that a spending bill "is likely to come to the floor on Tuesday, allowing time for the Senate to pass the packages before lawmakers are set to break for the holidays." http://bit.ly/36qX4TE

Trade deal with Canada and Mexico: "The House is slated to take action on the historic deal to overhaul the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) with Canada and Mexico. The House Committee on Ways and Means has a markup scheduled on the U.S.-Mexico-Canada Agreement (USMCA) -- which has received strong support from both parties-- for Tuesday, with a full House vote expected as soon as Thursday."

Defense bill: The Senate is expected to pass a massive, House-passed defense policy bill this week. It would then head to President Trump's desk for a signature.

Tax reform: "Hoyer's office advised that legislation that would temporarily repeal the cap put in place by the GOP's landmark tax reform bill on the state and local tax (SALT) deduction could potentially see a vote this week." Happening today: "The House Rules Committee is expected to discuss the bill."

Michael Horowitz is back on Capitol Hill: The inspector general for the Department of Justice Michael Horowitz will testify before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee on Wednesday on the FBI's investigation into the Trump campaign.

Context and details for each from The Hill's Juliegrace Brufke and Jordain Carney: http://bit.ly/2EjDqNx

KEEP IN MIND ABOUT THIS WEEK'S TIMING:

Congress is trying to wrap everything up by Friday to leave for the holidays.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

'I look very much forward to debating whoever the lucky person is who stumbles across the finish line'

Hot damn.:

This morning, President Trump slammed the Commission on Presidential Debates for being "biased" and raised questions about his participation in the 2020 general election debates. http://bit.ly/2YUyqZ9

He tweeted: "I look very much forward to debating whoever the lucky person is who stumbles across the finish line in the little watched Do Nothing Democrat Debates. My record is so good on the Economy and all else, including debating, that perhaps I would consider more than 3 debates."



And added: "The problem is that the so-called Commission on Presidential Debates is stacked with Trump Haters & Never Trumpers. 3 years ago they were forced to publicly apologize for modulating my microphone in the first debate against Crooked Hillary. As President, the debates are up ... to me, and there are many options, including doing them directly & avoiding the nasty politics of this very biased Commission. I will make a decision at an appropriate time but in the meantime, the Commission on Presidential Debates is NOT authorized to speak for me (or R's)!"

See Trump's full tweets: http://bit.ly/2EpCHdu

New poll -- good day for Joe and Bernie:

Via The Hill's Julia Manchester, former Vice President Joe Biden Joe BidenBiden says voters should choose who nominates Supreme Court justice Trump, Biden will not shake hands at first debate due to COVID-19 Joe Biden should enact critical government reforms if he wins MORE (D-Del.) and Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) are leading the Democratic presidential primary field in a new NPR-PBSNewsHour-Marist poll. http://bit.ly/2RZZc0K

The numbers: Twenty-four percent of poll respondents said they support Biden, followed by 22 percent supporting Sanders.

Followed by: Sen. Elizabeth Warren Elizabeth WarrenOvernight Defense: Appeals court revives House lawsuit against military funding for border wall | Dems push for limits on transferring military gear to police | Lawmakers ask for IG probe into Pentagon's use of COVID-19 funds On The Money: Half of states deplete funds for Trump's 0 unemployment expansion | EU appealing ruling in Apple tax case | House Democrats include more aid for airlines in coronavirus package Warren, Khanna request IG investigation into Pentagon's use of coronavirus funds MORE (D-Mass.) with 17 percent support and South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg Pete ButtigiegBillionaire who donated to Trump in 2016 donates to Biden The Hill's Morning Report - Sponsored by Facebook - GOP closes ranks to fill SCOTUS vacancy by November Buttigieg stands in as Pence for Harris's debate practice MORE (D) with 13 percent.

See the full poll: https://n.pr/36FCPld

NOTABLE TWEETS

This is very funny:

focus on a different child every time you watch pic.twitter.com/gGpowtXKGP — Ree (@TTPrettyInPink) December 13, 2019

Watch: http://bit.ly/2LZhlbi

SPONSORED CONTENT - UANI

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ON TAP

President Trump and Vice President Pence are in D.C.

Noon: President Trump received an intelligence briefing.

Noon: The House meets. No votes are scheduled for today. The House's full schedule today: http://bit.ly/2rUpl6m

12:45 p.m. EST: President Trump has lunch with Vice President Pence.

2 p.m. EST: President Trump holds a roundtable on the Governors' Initiative on Regulatory Innovation. Vice President Pence also attends.

3 p.m. EST: The Senate meets.

4:15 p.m. EST: President Trump and first lady Melania Trump Melania TrumpWatchdog confirms State Dept. canceled award for journalist who criticized Trump Ginsburg becomes the first woman to lie in state in the Capitol Rabbi memorializes Ginsburg: Her dissents were 'blueprints for the future' MORE host a Christmas reception in the Grand Foyer.

5:30 p.m. EST: The Senate holds a roll call vote. The Senate's full schedule today: http://bit.ly/2tqkxGB

8:15 p.m. EST: President Trump and first lady Melania Trump host another Christmas reception in the Grand Foyer.

WHAT TO WATCH

11 a.m. EST Tuesday: The House Rules Committee debates the articles of impeachment against President Trump. Livestream: https://cs.pn/2PTCxAD

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day.

And because you made it to the end, here's a viral video of a deer scoring a soccer goal: https://es.pn/36M67ip