The Downside Of Discipline

You see, the disciplined mind is great when you need to get something done. When you’re preparing for your SATs, GMATs, building a company, or even writing, but that same discipline turns against you when you want to slow down. Relax. Unwind. It doesn’t want to rest.

People refer to discipline when they don’t have the energy — or the natural will — to perform the task. Discipline is a rough force that tells you, “Do what you’re supposed to!” and knows no pity.

But if doing something you love gives you energy, discipline burns it.

In December 2017, this discipline — the one I valued so much — led me to a series of panic attacks and a year of psychotherapy. At times, I would get so anxious, I felt I was losing my mind.

Life Is Not All About Achievement

As I slowly learned — with great help from professionals and heaps of literature — to slow down my mind, and to ease my grip on myself, I started to feel better. And I discovered, to astonishment, that life is more than just about discipline — more than just achievement and getting things done.

Life is not a mission you undertake, nor is it a destination you’re obliged to arrive at. Life is an experience. It’s a road. And your goal is to make that road as joyful as possible.

And because it doesn’t matter who you’ll be, or whether you’ll be anything at all — it makes sense to switch discipline to something else instead.

Feeling.

Feel Your Way Through Life

Feeling your way through life. Doing what you want to be doing, every second of the day. Consulting your feelings — not your mind — on the best course of action.

I know most people will read this and think, “Yeah yeah, but what if I have to do certain things? What if I have obligations?” — to which I say, you have two choices: stop doing it, or make the obligations somewhat enjoyable so you don’t have to force yourself into doing them.

I am against hedonism. I don’t believe in a life of perpetual consumption. But neither do I believe in a life where you force yourself to achieve things for the sake of achievement. I don’t subscribe to the notion that you have to do anything. You don’t. As my grandfather used to say, “To those I owe, I forgive all.” God bless him.

The only thing you owe — to yourself — is to live your 30,000 days that you were granted with the most joy possible.

Writing is supposed to be about discipline. I get it. I love writing, but I don’t allow it to consume me. Whenever I feel that I have to discipline myself in writing, it means that I have to take a step back. Maybe I need to remind myself of why I started writing in the first place. Or take a break. Or maybe change what I write, or HOW I write. Whatever it is — I don’t allow myself to feel bad about my work, because then there is no point in doing it.

You might say, “Well, work is not all about enjoyment,” and you’ll be right. It’s not. But “work” is just another name for doing something with your life that pays your bills. It can be anything, and it doesn’t have to be boring or difficult. After all, that’s what you spend 70% of your life doing.