Last night a friend asked me, “Is there anything the church could change to make you want to go back?”



It struck me as an interesting thought experiment, so I brainstormed a short list and then put the question and my short list up for discussion in the MFiT group. We’re pretty well-practiced at hashing out our frustrations, so it didn’t take long for us to flesh out a fairly extensive picture of changes the church would need to implement in order for many of us to actually want to return. Our individual lists may vary a bit, but we were fairly unified in the overall feel and direction.



General leadership:



Ordain and open all priesthood leadership roles to women.



Make each seat in the Quorum of the 12 Apostles specific to a region of the world, and fill the seats with members from each of those regions.



Actively implement a plan that would allow church leaders (including the president of the church) to retire before the demands of their positions exceed their capacity to meet them.



Create more direct lines of communication between members and top leaders.



Completely dissolve the current Public Affairs department and rebuild it as a much smaller operation charged exclusively with the task of handling communications with the general public. They should never be utilized for proselytizing or as a means for communicating with membership.





Emotionally manipulative HeartSell tactics must stop.

The diversity of church members should be reflected in the general leadership of the church. This means putting women and people of color in top leadership roles.



Leaders should be selected based on their capacity to love and understand the members they serve above all other qualifications.



Local leadership:



Switch to paid and trained clergy. While it doesn’t need to be considered a full time job, being a bishop is very demanding and the role really requires more training than bishops currently receive.



Ward callings should be filled on a voluntary basis with more dialogue between leaders and members regarding strengths, desires, and reasonable burden. Some members may not be in a position to serve, and some less essential roles may go vacant. That’s ok.



Loosen ward boundaries. It doesn’t need to be a free-for-all, but it should be easier for members to shift their records to a different ward if they have personal need to do so.



The CES system should shift toward training for leadership roles, including advanced courses on topics such as ecclesiastical counseling, local finances, gender studies, and sensitivity training.



Finances:



More transparency. Allow members full access to information on church assets and finances.



Scale back recommended tithes in order to allow members to take care of their most basic personal needs first.



Given the substantial nature of the church’s existing investment portfolio, tithing funds should no longer be used for anything that isn’t directly tied to the day to day needs of running the church (including salaries, facilities, program funding, and local budgets) and humanitarian work.



While it is important to prioritize the use of limited resources, humanitarian and charitable aid should not be contingent on membership, faith, or subjective standards of moral worthiness.



Practices relating to gender and sexuality:



All advocacy against same sex marriage must halt.

No more veiled references over the pulpit.

No more political advocacy by individual apostles.

No more framing it as an attack on the family.

No more playing the victim.



Abandon the Proclamation on the Family and foster a more fully accepting environment for those who don’t fit the standard family model as laid out in the document.



Fully embrace the diversity and complexity of human gender and sexuality.



Extend the full blessings of eternal marriage to gay and lesbian couples. (Note: I don’t advocate for churches to be legally compelled to do so. The change should come from within because leaders feel that it is the right time and the right thing to do.)



Allow women to be sealed to multiple men in their lifetime, just as men are allowed to be sealed to multiple women.



Adopt as an official policy that an individual’s sexual expression is a profoundly personal matter that leaders should not discuss with members unless the member explicitly requests a leader’s counsel on the matter.



Youth and young adult programs and practices:



The youth should no longer be subjected to worthiness interviews.



End the official affiliation with the Boy Scouts of America.



Create more equal and overlapping programs for the young men and young women.



Abandon all use of the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet.



Issues of modesty should be left to the discretion of parents and should not be made the topic of talks, lessons, handouts, etc.

Any rhetoric that suggests women are directly responsible for the thoughts and behavior of men must stop.



Honor code policies at church schools need to be adjusted and largely abolished.



Young women should be encouraged to have aspirations.



Young men should be encouraged to be nurturers.



Seminary and institute should be considered completely optional in spirit and practice.



Missionary efforts:



Just stop.



Put an end to heavy pressure on youth to serve missions.



Put an end to proselytizing in favor of service missions.



Every member a neighbor, not a missionary.



Just stop. Please.



Church meetings and culture:



Scale back programs and time demands.



Cut out the third block in Sunday meetings. Divide the second block into a wide selection of class options which may be attended by any member, regardless of gender. Class offerings could include Scripture studies, discussion groups, priesthood training, parenting classes, lectures, and special panels.



Encourage more musical variety and cultural expression in Sunday meetings.



Combine visiting teaching and home teaching. Emphasize visiting and being neighborly and do away with monthly lessons and calls for formal prayer. Allow members to opt out of participation or request specific assignments.



Ease up on homogenous dress and grooming standards. One size does not fit all: some men can really rock a beard, and many women find skirts to be wildly impractical.



Stop making specific recommendations for appropriate Sabbath day activities and let each member make that determination within the context of their own lives.



Family Home Evening is fun for those who wish to do it, but no member should be made to feel that holding it is an essential priority.



Temple:



Completely separate weddings from sealings, and/or…



Allow all family to attend sealings regardless of recommend status.



End or completely deemphasize the cultish ordinances in favor of making the temple a place for meditation and reflection.



Overhaul any remaining ceremonies and ceremonial clothing to reflect gender equality.



Doctrinal and historical approaches:



Lay off on making exclusive truth claims.



Discuss the teachings of Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and other early leaders only within honest historical context.



Openly discuss and take lessons from historical issues such as the Mountain Meadows Massacre, Joseph Smith’s polygamy and polyandry, and the failure of the Kirtland Safety Society.



Remove all apologetics from lesson manuals and replace them with more accurate historical accounts and contexts. This is especially important for topics like polygamy and Joseph Smith’s entire life story.



Formally renounce and apologize for past bigotry.



Emphasize ethics over obedience.



Take a more philosophical and less literal approach to doctrine (both Christian and uniquely Mormon).



Put a stop to preaching the dangers of so-called apostate individuals and literature.



Encourage members to study and teach them how to think critically on historical, religious, and philosophical issues.



Disavow every horrible thing Oaks and Packer have ever said. This task might require its own official website.



Replace the Word of Wisdom with a general encouragement to engage in practical and scientifically supported health practices.



Make the 11th Article of Faith a centerpiece of what it means to be Mormon.

11 We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.



Jello:



Eat more of it while fully embracing the diverse manifestations of the holy dish.



As we hashed it out, we went from describing a reformed type of LDS Church to something closer to today’s Community of Christ, or even Unitarian Universalist. I even wondered at times whether we were actually describing a church or a neighborhood social club, and, even still, the idea of returning to full participation felt a bit unsettling to me and outright unfathomable to others. I really wanted to imagine something I could fully embrace, again. I swear I tried, but I must be too far gone.



I guess it’s a little like asking your fully wise teenager to play along with Elf on the Shelf. Some teens are able to get lost in the magic in spite of the myth, but there’s a pretty good chance you’ll find yourself watching either a very unconvincing performance or excessive eye-rolling while s/he barely goes through the motions. The church has simply lost its magic, and all that remains is a heap of frustrations and heartache with a side of Jello.