Suspension of the organized protests does not mean Hamas or its Islamist allies in the Gaza Strip will suspend other attempts to kill Jews.

Gaza City, December 31 – The militant Islamist group that governs this coastal territory announced this week it has suspended the weekly violent protests at the border with Israel for most of the winter, citing depleted inventories of women, medical personnel, journalists, and children to put in harm’s way and generate international outrage at the Jewish State when those harmless parties get injured or killed.

A spokesman for Hamas told reporters that inclement weather, political sensitivity, and other factors had combined to make this the most appropriate time to step back from the Friday confrontations with Israeli border units and to concentrate on replenishing the stockpiles of human shields that have drained since the weekly riots began almost a year ago.

“Talks in Egypt regarding a possible long-term truce have certainly made this a relevant move,” stated Fawzi Barhoum. “Inclement weather has taken its periodic toll on the intensity of the protests, as well, and sustaining such an initiative requires logistics that put a strain on the population: canceling school, browbeating people into not working, and interrupting the few infrastructure projects that we’ve cared to undertake, just to give several examples. The combination of these factors, plus the need to reassess the availability of human sacrifices, translates to a hiatus in the protests. We can revisit this as spring approaches.”

Barhoum stressed that the suspension of the organized protests does not mean Hamas or its Islamist allies in the Gaza Strip will suspend other attempts to kill Jews. “Our incendiary kite and balloon units remain active,” he assured. “The same goes for volunteers to approach the border fence with bombs, guns, cutters, or whatever, in effort to penetrate and wreak havoc on the Zionists, or whomever they might find. After tasting failure again and again, our operatives have grown keen to kill somebody. Anybody. And, you know, better them than us. There are only so many ‘collaborators’ or accused homosexuals available locally through whom to quench that drive.”

Some analysts believe Hamas will find a way to avoid resuming the riots – which they and a compliant international media have termed “non-violent demonstrations” – before March. “It hasn’t gone as planned for them,” explained Qutnoz Spatfeyiz. “Initial excitement and real media traction for the ‘Great Return March’ gave way to unimpressive impact on international consciousness, even though they employed all the historically successful elements of the Palestinian media strategy: put noncombatants in harm’s way, provoke violence, and cry for the cameras at the outcome. But they don’t know any other moves, so all they can do now is restock on noncombatants for the next round.”

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