Two Medieval Monks Invent Some More Art

Previously in this series: Two monks invent cartography.

MONK #1: oh hey what did St. Mark look li–

MONK #2: tornado with a face on it

MONK #1: what happens to your body when you hide behind a curtain

what’s the best way to draw that, I can’t get it quite right

MONK #2: it disappears entirely

MONK #1: really!

MONK #2: just…mmp. Vanishes.

you pretty much just turn into a floating head

MONK #1: oh and this probably goes without saying, but most people’s feet are–

MONK #2: criss-crossed in barbed wire, yeah, exactly

MONK #1: ahhhh

MONK #2: whats up

MONK #1: nothing

it’s just like

i cannot remember how big the letter C is today for some reason

MONK #2: what like

on the page?

MONK #1: yeah

MONK #2: big enough to fit Jesus and like nine of his friends in it

MONK #1: right right

sorry

MONK #2: no don’t feel bad about it

MONK #1: ok haha well as long as im bugging you

D is like…pretty much the same size as C, or…

MONK #2: oh my god no

let me see what you have

ahhhhahahahaha

MONK #1: bigger, right?

MONK #2: way bigger

no

bigger than that

look let me draw it for you

MONK #1: ohhhhh

MONK #2: you should always be able to fit a modest castle inside the letter D

remember that

MONK #2: hey dont forget that when people sit down they lose their knees and turn into pointy ovals

MONK #1: do you remember Eadwin the Scribe

MONK #2: Kind of

MONK #1: big guy, right?

like, used to sit on top of houses-big?

MONK #2: that sounds right

MONK #1: blue hair?

MONK #2: blue-ish, yeah

and he always wrote with two pens

two-pen Eadwin, we’d call him

but he was so tall he never heard

MONK #1: uuuuuuggghh

MONK #2: whats up

MONK #1: how many eyes does a dog have

MONK #2: oh man

wow

MONK #1: RIGHT?

MONK #2: that is a good question

MONK #1: because like

i can tell that for sure seven is NOT RIGHT

but beyond that

i have no idea

MONK #2: ok well it’s time for lunch

so i feel like

executive decision

seven is fine

MONK #1: you sure?

MONK #2: yes im sure

we’re having bread today and i don’t want to miss it

MONK #1: how far away are stars

MONK #2: pretty much just as far away as a tall tree with jewels on it

MONK #1: yeah?

MONK #2: yeah

a good rule of thumb

is that your hand is about the same size as your whole head

and stars are about three hands away from the top of your head

MONK #1: okay great

MONK #2: also humans don’t have spines so their heads and necks can go in just

any direction

MONK #1: what does it look like when people sit in a row?

MONK #2: they just turn into heads

no bodies

MONK #1: hey just checking, Jesus is —

MONK #2: like forty feet tall

furious

covered in mustaches going in like six different directions

MONK #1: yeah ok cool

MONK #2: and one lady sitting under him has a smushed-in head

MONK #1: UUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH

MONK #2: hey

you okay?

MONK #1: I HATE THIS

MONK #2: is it eyes again?

MONK #1: HE IS LITERALLY COVERED IN EYES AND I KNOW THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT

MONK #2: do you want to just go get lunch

MONK #1: yes