So, my Santa...

He might be Ra's Al Ghul. Our first interaction, he told me his gift would ruin the things I hold dear - good start.

After hiring security for my house and a sniffer dog to check my mail for explosives, I heard from him again.The second message was much less unnerving - he told me it was in Royal Mail's hands, and wished me a merry Christmas in an ancient tongue never fully translated by the western world (Yorkshire dialect).

I moved into a safehouse for a few days, just in case, and came back to find not a letter bomb, but a gift instead.

This is where it all went Royal Mail.

The gift had seemingly been used as a punchbag for a few days, and came in not one, but two "apology bags". It turns out apology bags are a cheeky way of saying "yeah, we treated your parcel like dirt, but we said sorry, so F*** you.

So, after unwrapping both bags, I see Santa's giftwrap, and the unmistakable rectangular shape of an IED. I do what any self-respecting male would, and hid in an alcove while I asked my younger sister to open it. loljk, I went full YOLO.

Turns out it wasn't a letterbomb/IED despite Santa's very menacing message (or one harmless line of text I fixated on).

Instead, I found a beautiful book inside.I told my Santa photography was my passion, so I thought it much be a coffee table book. It was actually a lovely photo album for my own work :D :D :D

It feels great to hold, the cover art is really nice, and it's from Paperchase (for those who don't know, Paperchase is 5/5, bretty gud). Thanks Santa, I love it.

TL;DR Santa implies he's sending a letter bomb (probably), Royal mail make a mess of it, it's a happy ending.

EDIT* interesting side note, the box in the background of the first image is a present I ordered for my sister, that came from the USA, and USPS kept it in perfect condition. Royal mail managed to mess up in just a few hundred miles