John Travolta is being sued in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles by a masseur, named only as John Doe, who accuses the star of sexual assault, sexual battery, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. He is seeking $2 million in damages. According to the lawsuit, Travolta saw the masseur's ad online and scheduled an appointment for $200 an hour, and then tried to have sex with him during the massage, in a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel on Jan. 16. Travolta has denied the claim and says he wasn't even in California on the date of the alleged assault. “This lawsuit is complete fiction and fabrication,” his representatives said in a statement. “None of the events claimed in the suit ever occurred.” Sorting through the legal rhetoric, Anna Klassen compiled the naughtiest bits of the suit filed against the Old Dogs star.

1. "Defendant himself had picked Plaintiff up in a black Lexus SUV. Defendant was wearing dark glasses, jeans with a very loose-fitting athletic shirt; there were Trojan condoms in the console of the vehicle, and there also appeared to be two or three wrappers from chocolate-cake packages on the floor of the SUV."

2. "Defendant shamelessly stripped naked in front of Plaintiff; for the first hour, the massage was without incident, other than he kept purposely sliding the towel down that covered his buttocks to reveal about half of gluteus area. This back-and-forth activity of Defendant sliding it down, and then Plaintiff would slide it back up occurred over 10 times in the first hour."

3. "Defendant started to rub Plaintiff's leg, and Plaintiff thought it was accidental. Plaintiff assumed that it was in fact accidental. Then Defendant touched Plaintiff's scrotum, and this time Plaintiff told Defendant to please not touch him again."

4. "Defendant apologized, but then snickered to himself like a mischievous child. Defendant then touched the shaft of Plaintiff's penis, and seized on to it. Defendant quickly tried to rub the head of Plantiff's penis as he tried to pull away."

5. "Defendant then sat up on the table and asked Plaintiff to switch places, and do a reverse massage. Plaintiff told Defendant that a masseur lying on the table was unlawful and inappropriate. Then Defendant said, 'Come on dude, I'll jerk you off!!!'"

6. "Defendant then said, 'Say something nice to me.' Plaintiff tried to ignore what Defendant said, and was hoping to conclude the session. Plaintiff looked at Defendant, who had removed his draping and was masturbating. Defendant's penis was fully erect, and was roughly eight inches in length; and his pubic hair was wirey and unkempt. Sweat was pouring down Defendant's neck, and he asked Plaintiff again to say something nice to him."

7. "Plaintiff moved away from Defendant, who then lumbered to his feet and began to move towards Plaintiff with erect penis bouncing around with stride."

8. "Defendant began screaming at Plaintiff, telling Plaintiff how selfish he was; that Defendant got to where he is now due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his Welcome Back, Kotter days; and that Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity. Defendant then went on to say how he had done things in his past that would make most people throw up."

9. "Defendant explained when he started that he wasn't even gay and that the taste of 'cum' would make him gag. Defendant also said that he was smart enough to learn to enjoy it, and when he began to make millions of dollars, that it all became well worth it."

10. "Defendant further explained that the high class in this world always favor same-sex relationships; that sex with beautiful, fit men is actually more intense; and if Plaintiff would just be open-minded enough to let it happen, he would experience the best fucking of his life."

11. "Plaintiff told Defendant to get dressed or Plaintiff was going to call the police. Strangely, Defendant's penis was still semi-erect, and he had to struggle to get it back into his underwear and jeans since he pulled his underwear and pants up at the same time."

12. "Defendant told Plaintiff he knew a Hollywood starlet in the building that wanted three-way sex and to be 'double-penetrated.' Defendant said they could have that later, but first they needed to have sex together first before calling her, so this way they would be in-sync with each other sexually."

13. "Plaintiff reiterated his threat to call the police, and Defendant took Plaintiff back to where he was picked up. During this ride, Defendant repeatedly called Plaintiff "selfish" and a "loser," and gave Plaintiff double what he was owed."