Today, my DC had to give a deposition. It's just a simple slip and fall that he witnessed at the mall one afternoon last August. He was coming out of watching Transformers 4 for the second time (to catch anything he "might have missed" during the first viewing). The person who fell is suing the mall for failing to clean up the spilled nacho cheese that caused her to slip. Although he was listed on the mall's incident report as an eyewitness, my DC had been drinking Fireball throughout the movie and was absolutely shitcanned at the time the fall happened. He now has no memory of what happened. For most people that wouldn't be a problem. But for him, it violates the terms of his probation stemming from his arrest when he was found passed out in the bushes at Hardee's at lunchtime.

The deposition got off to a rocky start almost immediately when my DC refused to answer a preliminary question about his current residential address. The correct answer is "none" (another violation of his probation), but he would not answer due to "identity theft" concerns. The attorneys also ended up having to get the judge on the phone to instruct him to stop making evidentiary objections (he watched several episodes of Suits to prepare for the deposition) and to stop saying "off the record" before he would start answering a question.

But things really went off the rails when the attorney started asking him about the events leading up to the accident. My DC mentioned that he was coming out of watching Transformers 4 for the second time that day, and the attorney made some crack about that being a special form of self-torture. My DC, still upset over the fact over the Academy Awards snub, then lost it and had to be restrained by the other attorney, the court reporter, and a member of the janitorial staff from attacking the attorney taking the deposition. The deposition was terminated and building security was called and escorted him out of the building

The good news is that the attorneys for both sides were so shaken up over the whole incident they have decided not to reconvene his deposition or call him as a trial witness. And, the deposition ended before my DC had to answer any questions that would require him to disclose that he was absolutely obliterated at the time of the slip and fall. So for now, it looks like he's in the clear. Here's an excerpt from the transcript:

Attorney: And where do you currently work?

DC: Objection. Calls for hearsay and violates the best evidence rule.

Attorney: Sir, that is not a valid objection, and even it was, this is just a deposition so you still have to answer the question.

DC: Off the record.

Attorney: We've been over this several times. You cannot just say off the record whenever I ask a question to avoid answering the question. I'll ask the court reporter to repeat the pending question. You need to answer it on the record.

[Question read back]

DC. Objection, calls for speculation.

Attorney: This needs to stop. Please answer the question on the record.

DC: Off the record.

Attorney: Alright, I've had enough of this. Let's get the judge on the phone.

DC: Go right ahead. If you think I'm scared of the federal government, think again.

Attorney: Sir, please return to your side of the table.