Magic Story Abridged: Nahiri, the Lithomancer

(Episode 5; Original story HERE)







Art by Eric Deschamps







SIX THOUSAND YEARS AGO

A FORGOTTEN PLANE

Sorin, a vampire native to the Uncanny Valley: Well, we’re done here.

Nahiri, a Kor, which is basically a human someone forgot to color in: We can’t leave now! I’m building these poor people a new home! I’m making a little town of magic stone that’ll last forever and ever if the giant monsters don’t destroy it.

Sorin: The giant monsters are going to destroy it. Priorities, Nahiri. Priorities.

Nahiri: We came here to protect these people from whatever those things are. Think of the children!

Sorin: I came here to stop those things from coming to Innistrad later. You think of the children.

Nahiri: Maybe I will! You, girl, come here!

Lian, a children: Yeah?

Nahiri: (Creates a sword from a rock) Here’s a sword. Have fun.

Lian: Bitchin.

(Enter the abomination. Well over 100 feet tall, with bones on the outside and visible muscles, dozens of tentacles for a lower half, and a head that looks like a beetle skull, even though beetles don’t have skulls. Swarming around it are countless smaller and variant versions of itself, ranging from a few feet in size to almost as tall as it.)





Art by Aleksi Briclot



Lian: …Were’ f***ed, aren’t we?

Nahiri: What? No! We can beat this thing maybe possibly!

Sorin: So f***ed.

(Nahiri helps the remaining people fight the giant monster. Sorin begrudgingly assists. It doesn’t go well for anyone involved. Rocks fall. Everyone dies. The monster literally breaks the world in half. Nahiri and Sorin fall off, into the blind eternities.)





Art by Dave Kendall



Art by Rob Alexander



ZENDIKAR

Nahiri: That could have gone better.

Sorin: I tried all the violence I knew. I no longer have a plan for beating those things.

(KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK on the side of the mountain)

Ugin, basically a palette swap of Nicol Bolas: May I come in?

Sorin: You’re already here, Ugin.

Ugin: Granted, but I wouldn’t want to be rude to this planet’s guardian planeswalker by being here without permission.







Art by Chris Rahn



Nahiri: Umm… You may come in. Yes. You and Sorin know each other?

Ugin: We’ve worked together in the past. We’re old friends.

Sorin: F*** off, lizard.

Ugin: Best friends.

Nahiri: Why are you here?

Ugin: I have a plan to stop the Eldrazi. We can trap all three of them at once.

Sorin: Three? We fought thousands!

Ugin: You fought one. Ulamog. The smallest of the three.

Sorin: Care to explain that?

Ugin: Imagine you’re fighting the planeswalker Jaya Ballard. She has a Shivan Dragon, a Fire Elemental, and an Earth Elemental. You have Drain Life and excessive amounts of mana. Which do you kill first?

Sorin: (pause, consider) Jaya, of course.

Ugin: There are only three Eldrazi.

Sorin: So how do we kill them? I’m sure I cast Drain Life for more than twenty on that thing.

Ugin: You don’t. They’re invincible. And even if they weren’t, they’re effectively Commanders. If you kill them, they’ll just come back later. Which is why we need to lure them somewhere to trap them.

Nahiri: And where might that be?

Ugin: Well, ideally we want somewhere that no other Planeswalker or divine entity is calling home, so they don’t try to screw with us…

Sorin: So Dominaria’s right out, as are Theros and Kamigawa.

Ugin: It has to be somewhere rich and healthy with mana, so we can use the excess energy…

Sorin: Not Innistrad, then. Good. And Alara’s probably too untrustworthy.

Ugin: And it has to be somewhere so sparsely populated that nobody’s going to pay attention to a dragon, a vampire, and a kor crafting massive floating rocks for a few decades.

Sorin: Which rules out Ravnica, Lorwyn…

Nahiri: Oh, hell no!

Ugin: I understand, Nahiri, it’s a lot to ask that we do it here… We could start searching for another plane, of course, but finding a perfect spot could add years or even decades to our time. During which the Eldrazi could devour many other worlds, filled with countless lives. Innocent people, men and women… children… All dying by the millions… But, I understand… If it’s too much for you to risk those on Zendikar, we’ll just… find somewhere else… and I hope and pray, in my heart of hearts, the death toll is kept to a reasonable number in that time.

Nahiri: …I can see why Sorin doesn’t like you.

Ugin: But you’ll help?

Nahiri: But I’ll help.





Art by James Paick



ZENDIKAR

FORTY YEARS LATER

NOW WITH FLOATING STONE OCTAHEDRONS ALL OVER THE PLACE

Nahiri: Finally, it’s completed!

Ugin: And the bait has been set. The Eldrazi should be here soon. If anything goes wrong at any time, you can come here to this spot. Anyone here will be able to contact all three of us.

Nahiri: And we’ll call it the Eye of Ugin, because if I’m keeping these things struck here, I expect you to always, ALWAYS have one eye on Zendikar.

Sorin: Right, the Eye of Ugin, because this whole thing was your hairbrained scheme, so when things go wrong, it’s your eye getting hit.

Ugin: The Eye of Ugin, because it will stand forever as a monument to how awesome I am and how perfect a plan this is. Now, battlestations! Here they come!

(The giant monster, Ulamog, arrives, along with the other two Eldrazi. Nahiri, Sorin and Ugin battle the hordes of small ones while the Eldrazi walk directly into the trap.)

(Sorin, Ugin, and Nahiri simultaneously activate a giant glowing rock. Sparks fly, magic flows across the floating stones all over the world. The Eldrazi get stuck. In a shocking twist, everything goes flawlessly and nobody important gets hurt.)

Sorin: Good job, team! I knew we could do it! Now, I’d say it was nice spending forty years working with you, except Ugin was here the whole time. We’re done. I’m going home.

Ugin: I, too, should be leaving. I’m sure my children are wondering where I am.

Nahiri: And you promise you’ll come back if I call for you?

Ugin: Nahiri, the Eldrazi are the greatest threat to existence there has ever been. I promise you, if anything goes wrong, then nothing short of my death will prevent me from coming to help you.

Sorin: Sure. What he said. That.

Nahiri: Then I wish you well. Please, come visit often!

Ugin: Just call, and I will be there.





Art by Igor Kierluk











TARKIR

4700 YEARS LATER

Nicol Bolas: THERE CAN ONLY BE OOOOOOOOOONE! (Claw/Claw/Bite/Tail Slap/Wing/Wing)



Ugin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



