WASHINGTON—Scientists in search of a cure for human mortality better pick up the pace, sources confirmed this week, because celebrated British actor Sir Ian McKellen is not exactly getting any younger. McKellen, a beloved star of stage and screen, is reportedly a mortal 73-year-old human being and, as such, will be lost to the world within decades unless immortality researchers start showing a little more hustle. Indeed, sources added, if scientists don’t get to work tout de suite on some kind of everlasting-life serum, movie scripts calling for aged and wizened mentor figures will soon face a noticeably weaker casting field. According to reports, any neuroscientist or molecular geneticist working on the project and lacking motivation is encouraged to watch a critically lauded performance from McKellen’s extensive filmography or, if possible, see him on the stage as King Lear or Richard III. At press time, researchers claimed they were nearing a breakthrough, but before proceeding further hoped to wait until actor and director Woody Allen, 76, had passed away.

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