Peer deeper into the chocolate puddle, though, and you'll find a horrifying interpretation of reality where children run the entire world and the unintended consequences of this arrangement smother any potential this thing might have had.

Imagine Hellraiser, but instead of Pinhead offering you the heights of pain/pleasure, it's a cute child luring you into her world of candy, ponies, and endless playtime. Rather than being flayed alive, dismembered, or otherwise horribly tortured in a physical sense, you're instead damned to be your child's canvas for humiliation. Enslaved by your child masters, you are crippled by the fear of displeasing them.

Thanks to our listener Letty for recommending we read Growing Around: Party Panic! by John 'Enter' Rozanski.

Content warnings: Discussion of cartoon violence; Toxic familial relationships; pedophilia (brief mention)