CONCORD, NH—In response to recent media coverage of the thousands of women coming forward to share their experiences with sexual harassment and assault, area father Alex Keeler reportedly committed to spending the next couple days or so telling his son that it’s important to respect women. “Women should be treated with dignity, the exact same as men,” Keeler reportedly told his 15-year-old son, Matthew, in one of the two or three statements he will make on the subject before ultimately forgetting to bring it up again as the gross abuse of power by Hollywood elites gradually recedes from the top news stories of the week. “Harassing women is wrong, and it should never, ever happen, okay?” At press time, later attempts by Keeler to continue this important discussion with his son had reportedly been derailed by the distraction of every other occurrence in his life for the next several years.

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