Dean Cameron , THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL,I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT BY REPLY MY MAIL. I PRAY THAT ALLAH SHOULD BLESS YOU. MY BROTHER I WILL REALLY LIKE TO KNOW YOUR STAND IN THIS BUSINESS,I MEAN I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU ARE INTERESTED OR NOT?BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY MONEY I AND MY FAMILY ARE LEFT WITH, OTHERS HAS BEEN SIEZED BY THE NIGERIA GOVERNMENT.BEFORE THEY GET TO KNOW THAT I HAVE THIS TYPE OF MONEY.PLS IF WANT TO HELP ME PLS DO INDICATE BY CALLING MY SON ON HIS MOBILE PHONE:234-802-312-4016 I BELIEVE HE IS IN A BETTER POSITION TO CONCLUDE THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU BECAUSE I'M STILL UNDER RESTRICTION BY THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT. THANKS,I AM EXPECTING YOU TO CALL HIM SO HE CAN GIVE YOU MORE DETAILS ABOUT THIS BUSINESS. REGARDS, MRS MARIAM ABACHA

I am so excited to hear back from you. I have been telling my cats, Mister Snickers and Joe Joe the Dancing Clown, how we are going to help someone who needs help! They're a little upset because they think that "da da" is going to spend his millions from the insurance settlement. I assured them I wasn't and that Alaahh would be looking out for us and we would actually be rewarded by his supremeness with even more money than we already have!!!!

Mister Snickers (the grey kittykat with an attitued) sat in my lap and purred with delight. I think he was purring "praise alaahh and meow!".

Maybe not.

Irreggardless, I will try to contact your son today. I have a son, too. He lives in Downey, California. It sounds as if you have a very great relationship with your son. Mine seems to be too busy for me, except to make sure that his inheritance is in order. I've got a mind to just leave ALL of it to Mister Snickers and Joe Joe the Dancing Clown! (In the event of my death, they're going to get $100,000 a year until their nine lives run out (which I'm praying happen after my death; I couldn't bear the thought of losing them. I'm sure you understand, Achooba.))

Well, here's looking forward to finally speaking to your lovely son. Is he a heterosexual, too?

One final thing, I have three lovely avocado trees in my back yard. I would love to send you some Avocados! (one of the advantages of living in Florida is the year round fruits and vegetables!) Where should I send them?

I have peaches, too.

---

Dean Cameron



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From: abacha marian [mailto:marianabachauk002@yahoo.co.uk]

Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2003 2:54 AM

To: Dean Cameron

Subject: URGENT Dear Dean Cameron , greeting to you and your family in the name of allah, I'm very happy hearing from you again,i thought by now we should have finish arranging on how to make claim of the fund,but you did not call my son for more detail. pls do call him today for more details:234-802-312-4016 call him any tim as soon as you recieve this message so as to start the process of claim immediately. pls my brother i want you to take this transaction seriouse because this is the only money that i and my family have to survive now, all others has been siezed by nigeria government. Pls try and call my son today. Regards,

Dr Mrs Mariam Abacha top



Found this photo in google pictures. Sent it along...



Achoo, hello!

Here is a photo of my PRETTY KITTY KATS, mister snickers(the gray bad boy on the left) and Joe Joe the Dancing Clown (the other one, natch!) because you've expressed interest in them. I still would like to know where to send the avocados (I would send you guuascomoloe but I don't think it would ship well to your Ally forsaken cuntry. So, I'll send the avocados. Of course, I understand that this is all on the QT, as we say here in Gator Country (that's Florida, to us locals!). Do you say "On the QT"? Fascinating.

Anyway, I am sending a copy of this email to your lovely he-man of a son, Timothy, as a way of reaching out and offering my assistance to you in your plight. I will type quietly and softly so as not to alert the authorities. We need to make sure you get out of that rathole safely, Arhcoo Murian! It's no place for a fine woman such as yourself. (I'm sure you agree, ma'am, and I hope I cause you no offense by referring to you by your full name. (I would never want to insult you; I consider myself now a sort of diplomat and want to represent myself (and, of course MISTER SNICKERS AND JOE JOE THE DANCING CLOWN) in the best, most professional light possible.) I think it's important, as your business partner, to get a bit familiar with each other. (you may, of course, refer to me by my nickname, THE HAWK, any time you wish. (THE HAWK is a nickname I was given during my years as an investment banker on "The Street" where I made my fortune.) Nicknames are good.))

(I get confused by the parenthesis sometimes. You?)

Where were we. I just had to shoo Joe Joe the Dancing Clown off of the couch. I can assure you that the term "KRAZY KAT!" applies %1000 PERSINT to Joe Joe the Dancing Clown. He is K-R-A-Z-Y!!!

My son, also a heterosexual, is also interested in this business venture. Though, I shall not release any information about you or your fine speci-MAN of a son until instructed to do so.

I've rambled on long enough. Here is the point of this bit of correspondence: The phone number you've given me has, once again, too many numbers. It begins ringing even before I finish dialing it. (Then that woman comes on "The number you have reached is not in service..." Don't you hate her condescending voice? (Condescending means to talk down to someone, by the way.) I sertanly hate her voice. Blech!)

So, please, mayhaps I could just give you my phone number and we could get started on this financial endeavor as I am most excited about it!

I love you!

Dean Cameron



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Original Message

From: abacha marian [mailto:marianabachauk002@yahoo.co.uk]

Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2003 10:48 AM

To: Dean Cameron

Subject: ALLAH WILL BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY Dear Dean Cameron, Thanks for your mail all content well noted, but i don't seem to understand what you are taking this business for! pls i mean what i'm saying,this is the only money i and my family are left to survive with. pls if you will help retrief this money from the security company pls do. if you can not call him(my son) on phone pls talk to him through his email

Address:ibrahim001@consultant.com

i will realy be happy if you and him finalize every thing ,as you already know that my movement is still under strict survalance. thanks, MRS MARIAM ABACHA top



More from me... Not one of my finest, but I think the "parenthetical section" is sort of great.

Thursday, January 30, 2003

Oh this is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, news, Choada Marriam! I have not, however, heard from your fullsome manchild. I await contact from him with bated (quiet cat-like) breaths. I tried that phone number that you sent me and also a few combinations of the telephone number. (I was only able to make contact with a dry cleaners (they were somewhere outside of Baraboo, Wisconsin (I ended up in a very, very nice conversation with the gentleman (I said nothing about our arrangement, writing off my "dialing error" to the heartbreak of bursitis and a spastic colon (which I actually have!) who mentioned the freezing temperatures there in Wisconsin (I invited him and his wife, Joyce, to my home here in Florida as I have more than a few extra bedrooms available!) which prompted the long conversation I mentioned in a previous parenthetical) and as I have a dry cleaners here already to dry clean all of my suits (and Mister Snicker's "da-da's-gonna-take-you-for-a-walk-vest!") we began chatting about other things.(All mentioned previously, I believe.) A spastic colon is no picnic, I tell you. Perhaps Allah will reward me after this investment opportunity is completed. Again, you have not mentioned my offer of Avocados, so I will cease mentioning it. They probably wouldn't ship so well, either, I imagine. Oh, my crimony, my guaccosomolie is sooooooo good. I'll send you a recipe. Do you need a place to stay once you arrive in this land? I have a sort of estate. It's humble, for sure, but it is on a few acres of land here. I employ a boy from Thailand, Kwan, who helps me out from time to time. I'm sure you understand. Please, let me know what the next step is to be. I have not heard from your cherished child, my spicy senorita!!!! I want to help you. I want to hold you. I want all to be light and piece for you and yours. Do you think we need a code word? How about "Joe Joe the Dancing Clown is purring." I love you! ---

Dean Cameron

They were a bit, um, confused...

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From: abacha marian [mailto:marianabachauk002@yahoo.co.uk]

Sent: Thursday, January 30, 2003 6:35 PM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: ALLAH WILL REWARD YOU Dear DEAN CAMERON, THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL,I REALLY THANKS YOU SO MUCH,FOR BEEN THERE FOR ME AND YOUR FAMILY,I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU NOW TILL I COME OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY I PROMISE YOU WILL NEVER REGRET HELPING A WIDOW LIKE ME. MY SON TOLD ME THAT YOU SENT HIM A MAIL,AND HE HAS ALSO REPLY THE MAIL TELLING YOU THE NEXT LINE OF ACTION. PLS TRY AND COMPROMISE WITH MY SON TO GET THIS MONEY OUT THE SECURITY COMPANY, THIS IS OUR LAST HOPE,AND I AM COUNTING ON YOU AS ALLAH SENTPERSON TO REMOVE ME AND MY FAMILY FROM THIS SITUATION. PLS I WILL ALSO LIKE YOU TO START NEGOCIATING ON A VERY GOOD BUSINESS I WILL INVEST THIS FUND ON, TRY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, BECAUSE IT IS VERY NECCESSARY. I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU THAT EVERY ARRANGEMENT TO GO AND CLAIM OF THE FUND IS BEEN MADE. MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU, MRS MARIAM ABACHA Saturday, February 1, 2003

I think this person may now be fucking with me... I never got an email from "her son". Ah well... It was fun.

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I still have not heard from your boy. Here is my fax number 475018 Here is my famous guacsoamole recipe! Joe Joe's Dancing Guacamole Ingredients

2 ripe avocados

1/4 cup sour cream

1/2 tomato chopped finely

1/2 cup grated onion

1/2 teaspoon garlic salt

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice





Directions

Peel avocado and mash well. Add sour cream, tomato, onion, garlic salt, and lemon juice; mix well. Serve with Love!



No thanks for the recipe, though... check out the end of her letter to me! Love is requited!!!

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Original Message

From: abacha marian [mailto:marianabachauk002@yahoo.co.uk]

Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2003 1:33 AM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: RE: ALLAH WILL REWARD YOU



DEAR DEAN CAMERON,



HOW ARE YOU HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMIL. I SPOKE WITH MY SON YESTERDAY IN RESPECT OF THIS TRANSACTION,HE TOLD ME HE SENT YOU A MAIL WITHOUT RESPONSE FROM YOU,WHAT IS IS THE PROBLEM? PLS MY DEAR I WANT THIS MONEY TO CLEARED FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY BEFORE THE END OF THIS MONTH. MY SON TOLD ME THAT HE REQUESTED YOUR WILLINGNESS TO TRAVEL AND MAKE THE CLAIM,BUT I TOLD HIM ALLAH SENT YOU TO COME AND HELP ME, THAT THERE IS NO NEED ASKING FOR YOUR WILLINGNESS TO GO AND HELP CLEAR THE FUND,THAT YOU HAVE ASSURE ME THAT EVERY THING WILL BE FINE. HE SAID WHAT HE JUST NEED FROM YOU NOW IS YOUR FULL NAME AND YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION AND ALSO TO ENABLE MY FAMILY LAWYER TO SEND TO YOU ALL THE RELIVANT DOCUMENTS. PLS MY DEAR I WANT YOU TO SEND TO HIME ALL THOSE INFORMATION HE REQUESTED SO AS TO START THIS TRANSACTION IMMEDIATELY. IF POSSIBLE YOU CAN SEND THEM TO ME SO I CAN TANSFER THE INFORMATIONS TO HIM. WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SWEET. I LOVE YOU. MRS MARIAN ABACHA Monday, February 3, 2003 top



Okay, so the "son", Ibrahim, wrote me. I've been busy, so I didn't get to send him a message right away. The "mother" then wrote me another email. The most amazing part of the letter from the "mom" is that she sends her regards to the cats!!!!!!! Sometimes life is really cool.

From: abacha marian [mailto:marianabachauk002@yahoo.co.uk]

Sent: Monday, February 03, 2003 7:43 PM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: WHY THE DELAY DEAR DEAN CAMERON, HOW IS LIFE AND HOW IS EVERY THING HOPE COOL.MY SON TOLD ME HE SENT A MAIL TO YOU SINCE YESTERDAY WITHOUT AKNOWLEDGEMENT AND HE SAID HE USED HIS OTHER MAILBOX SINCE YOU COULD NOT RECIEVE THE MAIL HE SENT TO YOU THROUGH THE MAIL ADDRESS I GAVE YOU.IN THIS APEX, I HAVE GIVEN HIM MY PASSWORD TO ALWAYS REACH YOU FOR FAST CONCLUSION OF THIS TRANSACTION.MY DEAR, PLS TRY AND HELP ME OUT OF THIS PROBLEM SO AS TO TAKE MY CHILDREN DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY AND LIVE THERE FOREVER SINCE THE COUNTRY WERE I WAS BORN, NOW DECIDED TO TREAT ME AND MY FAMILY LIKE ANIMALS. MY SON (IBRAHIM) FORWARDED THE MESSAGE HE SENT TO YOU TO MY MAIL ADDRESS WHICH IS AS FOLLOWS:

Dear Sir, I am IBRAHIM ABACHA,son to DR.MRS.MARIAM ABACHA.I have the mandate of my mother to communicate with you as regards your interest in assisting us to secure the funds which my late father deposited into a private security company here in NIGERIA which has their branch in AMSTERDAM Mean-while,the present civilian Government of chief Olusegun Obasanjo has not been good to our family.He has frozen all accounts both within and international and has also gone as far as confiscated all our assets to the extent I and my mother are presently living under the good will of our well-wishers. To enable us conclude this transaction,we have to work hand in hand with the security company to achieve our goal and most importantly we need you to travel to AMSTERDAM to serve as the beneficiary since we cannot travel by ourselves to receive the box of the funds. I have been told by my mother that he has onced forward to you my contact telephone number and you complained that you are unable to get through to me.Here is an alternative number to reach me.234-8033262593.As a matter of urgency,you are advice to call me on the above telephone number as time is of the essence.My mother has also forward to me today your fax number and I discover is not correct.Please endearvour to include your direct telephone number and your correct fax number for easier and faster communications between us when replying this message. N/B:The box of the funds is still lying down in the security company here in NIGERIA.I shall instruct them to transfer it to their AMSTERDAM branch when you have agreed to travel to AMSTERDAM to receive it.Please treat with utmost trust and confidentiality as we are looking forward to a long and lasting relationship with you.Awaiting your call or e-mail. Best Regards, IBRAHIM ABACHA. N/B:I have sent you two mails before through my mail.com account and I have just been told by my mother that you did not receive the mails,then I decided to reach you through my hotmail.com account and I hope you will receive this.

PLS TRY AND COMPROMISE WITH HIM AND CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION THIS MONTH OF FEBRAURY IN THE NAME OF ALLAH.

I WILL SEND TO YOU MY PICTURE AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK TO MY SON IN HIS NEW EMAIL

ADDRESS:ibrahimabacha_ng@hotmail.com

WITH POSSITIVE RESPONSE. MY DEAR, HAVE YOU ENQUIRE FOR A SUITABLE BUSINESS WERE THIS FUND WILL BE INVESTED?PLS LET ME KNOW IT IS IMPORTANT. MAY ALLAH GUID YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, BEST REGARDS , DR.MRS.MARIAM ABACHA N/B SAY HELLO TO mister snickers(the gray bad boy on the left) and Joe Joe the Dancing Clown

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Then I wrote this. With a mention of Mr. Sterling, a t.v. show I'm working on. Also a mention of Penn and Teller.

Hello my new friend from South-of-the-Border and "Ole!". Please forgive my tardiness in my replying response to you and yours (I am copying your wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, mother, Miss Morian BeNacho, who I hope will come and stay with me (as well as you and whatever family you may have) or one of my properties (modest, but lovely) here in beautiful, sunny Florida U.S.A. Irabahim, this phone number: 234-8033262593 DOES NOT WORK! I have tried and tried and tried. (I ever asked my heterosexual son to try it (don't worry, I have spoken not a word to him (even though I did feel him out and I am sure he would be very amenable to get in on this wonderful investment opportunity) about this transaction) and it did not work for him, either. ("Poppy!" he said to me "why do you waste my time with this telephone number that does not work!?" (sometimes his syntax befuddles me!) after the third attempt.) Here is a phone/fax where you may reach me: 323 4-5018. It works, I know. I just got the people at Vanguard to fax most of my account info (I want to make sure I have this at my fingertips when we finally do (and I know we will (ask Allloh!) my new friend) make our connection!) the day I sent your senorita my initial e-mail! Your loving and devoted mother (Single? Too soon to ask? Sorry! Forgive, please! A slip!) has forwarded me another message today (she is, as am I, frustrated at my tardiness in contactinnnge you) where it was mentioned that I will be travvvelling to Amsterdam. This pleases me to no end. I was there a few years ago as a celebration when I helped my son sell his first business. I thought it high time that he know the pleasures of the flesh and Amsterdam was just the place for it, I tell you! (one of his "escorts" turned out to have a much different set of plumbing than the one he was lead to believe (not judging, just saying) yet we all had a fine meal together after the hilarity of the situation reared its comedic head. (Not a pun, just a phrase. PRAISE ALLLA!) I do hope that your mesmerizing mother, Choada, has mentioned that my cats, Mister Snickers and Joe Joe the Dancing Clown (see enclosed photo (mister snickers is the one with the evil, evil (yet playful) grin) hope that's not a problem!) are, as they say, IN FULL EFFECT as far as their support of me goes. I explained (or "splained" as a Mister Ricky Ricardo would say) to them that their inheritance of $100,000 a year for the rest of their lives was not in jeopardy and they would be well taken care of upon my death. Mister Snickers (he should be named Mister Haughty (it would only confound him, though) what with his "KAT-I-TUDE", and all) even seemed supportive. I noticed him cleaning his fur at a brisiker pace than usual (as if he was cleaning himself for our future visitors (that's you, my new friend) and wanted to look his best!) and purred, purred, purred, purred through Friday's night of Television. (have you seen the new show, Mister Sterling on NBC? It is a WINNER! GREAT PERFORMANCES!) I was sad to see Providence go, but (as mentioned in previous parenthetical) Mister Sterling seems like a HIT WITH A CAPITAL H! (there is also a show on Showtime with that big freak loudmouth magician (and the cute little one who doesn't talk, poor fella) that is just a treat (decorum prevents me from mentioning its name (the initials are B and S (that should give you an idea) though) they're naughty like KATS!) also.) Sometimes I feel lightheaded and sad at the same time. You? No matter. Please, my friend, I have rambled for too long, my friend. The point is: Contact me. I would like nothing more than to help you and your muy caliente Mother. Please take care, Ibarhim! I love you. How can I help?How can I help?How can I help?How can I help?How can I help?How can I help? ---

Dean Cameron

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The "mother" sent me these photos and a note. Again, my love is now requited!!!







From: abacha marian [mailto:marianabachauk002@yahoo.co.uk]

Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 9:09 AM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: Attachment of my photographs. Dearest Dean Cameron, I am very happy you have contacted my son.Now there will be progress in this transaction.Attatched below are my photographs for your perusal of my person,and please always keep in touch with my son for effective conclusion of this transaction. May allah reward you my dear. I love you,

Dr.Mrs.Mariam Abacha. N/B:I understand my son has update you about what he was told by the cargo manager of the security company to assist in the relocation of the box of the funds to Amsterdam, please come to our help because I really want the box of the funds to depart Nigeria for Amsterdam so that I can have rest of mind, based on what has happened to all our funds before. Then Ibrahim wrote back again.

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From: ibrahim abacha [mailto:ibrahimabacha_ng@hotmail.com]

Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 3:08 AM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE. Dear Sir,

Thank you very much for your mail response and your willingness to help.I am very surprise you are unable to get through to my telephone lines,I advice you should also try although it is difficult for you to get through.But since I have your tel/fax numbers,I will always be calling you.

Like I told you in my previous mail,the consignment at presently is still here in the security company in NIGERIA.However,I have concluded arrangement with the cargo manager to help us move the consignment to their AMSTERDAM branch for your onward collection and he made me to understand that we will be responsible for the transfer charges to move the consignment to their AMSTERDAM branch.The transfer charges which he told me is us$1,850.

Sir,please we need your help to pay off this transfer charges so the consignment can leave NIGERIA as soon as possible before it gets to the knowledge of our Government and confiscate it just the way he has done to all our properties and accounts.

Once again,thank you very much for your concern about me and my mother and we are looking forward to residing in USA with you till the end time.

However,you are advice to start making your travelling preparation down to AMSTERDAM to receive the consignment.Endearvour to update me about your travelling arrangement and when possibly you are travelling to AMSTERDAM.

Best Regards,

IBRAHIM ABACHA.



N/B:Note that my mother is very happy to be associated with you. top



Then I wrote more... Stalling, you see... My good friend. I am getting my passport in order now. I have also checked on two flights from here to Amsterdam. I'm thinking of bringing my cats, but that might be more heartache than I'm prepared to deal with at this moment. Are there hotels in Amsterdam (you haven't mentioned a city yet (so secretive, IBARAMAH!) (just joking) so I'm not sure where I'm going to need to go) that have cats? I'm thinking I could leave Mister Snickers (senor snickers en espanol!) and Joe Joe the Dancing Clown here if there was a hotel or three which already had a cat. Maybe you know. I'm looking forward to Amsterdam. Maybe there is a prostitute or three who would like to sample some of me, I'm thinking. They'd probably only love me for my wealth. Hah! I kid because I love. I shall write more tomorrow, my good muffin! I love the photos. Your mother is a lovely lady. I BELIEVE WE OWN THE SAME COUCH! WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT, SIRRAH!?! Until tomorrow, when I have more time and less of a burning in my "down there" place and can concentrate more readily. Praze Allha! ---

Dean Cameron

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I get a little geography lesson from them. They let me know that Amsterdam is not, in fact, a country. But a city in the Netherlands... This goes unnoticed.



From: ibrahim abacha [mailto:ibrahimabacha_ng@hotmail.com]

Sent: Friday, February 07, 2003 6:33 AM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IS NEEDED TO PAY OFF THE TRANSFER CHARGES. Dear Sir, Thank you for your mail response.I was wondering why I did not hear from you,may be probably you were busy,is good hearing from you today. The contents of your mail are well noted,but however I did not think that you understand the contents of my last mail to you very well.I repeat again,I have dialogued with the cargo manager of the security company to help us move the consignment to their AMSTERDAM branch and he made me to understand that we will be responsible for the transfer charges us$1,800.He said this sum must be pay to him as the transfer charges before he will help move the consignment to their AMSTERDAM branch. Sir,this is the most important thing for now.My mother is very worried that the consignment is still here in NIGERIA.We wants the consignment to be out of NIGERIA as soon as possible before it gets to the knowledge of our Government and confiscate it just the way he has done to all our properties and accounts. Sir,please without wasting anytime further,we need your urgent assistance to pay off this us$1,800 so the cargo manager can move the consignment out of NIGERIA to their AMSTERDAM branch. You are travelling to AMSTERDAM,NEITHERLANDS.After you have assist us paying off this bill of us$1,800 for the transfer charges,the cargo manager will depart NIGERIA immediately with the consignment to their AMSTERDAM branch.He will contact you immediately he arrive AMSTERDAM and he has assured us that he will receive you at the airport on your arrival to AMSTERDAM so that you won't experience any difficulty in getting to them.All you need do is to furnish the cargo manager with your flight details when he shall give you a call from AMSTERDAM so as to enable him know when to pick you up from the airport. Once again,we need your urgent help to pay off the transfer charges.Notify me when you want to send the us$1,800 for the transfer charges so that I can furnish you with the informations you need to send the money successfully. May allah reward you for your great concern about my family and we are looking forward to residing with you forever in your home in USA. Thanks,

IBRAHIM ABACHA. top



All I could think of was the following question:

Does the account manager take paypal?

---

Dean Cameron



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I got no reply and also decided that I wanted to seem pushy and excited, plus, a friend sent me a funny foto of a cat. Seemed like "Ibrahim" might want to see, right? So:





Irabiahm, Waiting for your reply regarding Paypal. In the meantime, I took my pride and joy, Mister Snickers, to the groomers. I said "Go wild! Surprise me! Mister Snickers is feeling wacky, wacky, wacky and so am I. I may be traveling to Amsterdam!!" (I of course, made no mention of our top secret arrangement) and this is what Luiz (not a heterosexual like you and me) came up with. I think it is (as Luiz says) "ABSOLUTELY spanINE!!!" Would love to hear your comments and your answer regarding paypal, my sweet. ---

Dean Cameron



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No mention about the killer "Lion Cut". Bastards! But "Ibrahim" did reply rather quickly...

From: ibrahim abacha [mailto:ibrahimabacha_ng@hotmail.com]

Sent: Friday, February 07, 2003 10:39 AM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: SEND THE MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER. Dear Sir, Thanks for your mail response.No the account manager does not take paypal. For you to send the money,you will have to go to any bank there in USA where they operate western union money transfer and tell them that you want to remit money to NIGERIA.Then a form will be given to you to fill there in the western union's office. In the receiver's name in the form you will fill in ANDREW DESMOND OSHO as the receiver's name. This is the secretary's name of the security company.Immediately this is done you will have to furnish me with all the informations you use in sending the money for submission to the secretary to enable him go to the bank here and pick up the money,I hope this is understood sir?. Once again,thank you very much for your concern about us and this is definitely going to be a good beginning of a long and lasting relationship. Thanks,

IBRAHIM ABACHA. N/B:FOR SECURITY REASONS INCASE YOU ARE SUBJECTED TO SOME QUESTIONING IN THE BANK,TELL THEM YOU ARE SENDING THE MONEY TO YOUR FAMILY IN NIGERIA.THIS IS TO ENSURE MAXIMUM SECURITY. top



I thought that it was time to confuse 'em.

Ibarhim Analcha, I have something very important I must share with you, my brother: My son, the fierce man, was concerned when I spoke of my trip to Assmerdam, and would not let me get off the phone until I told him "what was up". I had to tell him about our correspondence and my plan to help you and your "Senora Muy Caliente" mother, Abbahhocho. He was upset that I was keeping a way to make money from him and wanted to help. I told you before (these are all running together for me) that I had mentioned to him that I was going to be able to make some extra money (and help out a fellow Mausoleaum Worhsippe) and now he knows. He is all for it with one caveat: He is concerned about our pig government monitoring email. (They talked about it on my new favorite Television program "Mister Sterling" (have you watched it? FANTASTIC SHOW!!!) last episode (it's on tonight, praise allooh!).) He suggested that from now on (after I get to western union tomorrow morning) we use a code to communicate like this: A=1

B=2

C=3

D=4

E=5

F=6

G=7

H=8

I=9

J=10

K=11

L=12

M=13

N=14

O=15

P=16

Q=17

R=18

S=19

T=20

U=21

V=22

W=23

X=24

Y=25

Z=69 PLEASE NOTE THAT Z IS REPRESENTED BY THE NUMBER 69 AND NOT THE NUMBER 26!!! (one would assume that it would be 26 and this is exactly why I chose a different number: TO THROW OUR PIG GOVERNMENT OFF THE TRAIL!!!!! PRAISE HALO!) So you get the idea, the sentence "HELLO, B-NACHO" WOULD BE: 85121215 2-1413815. This may add a few minutes to our correspondence, but I think it is fair to say that a sensitive matter such as this, you don't want those mother hubbards in Nigeria stealing even more money, or worse, hurting my cats. (by the way "MEOW" is 1351523 in our new code) Let me know if this works for you. Or if you have another remedy. My driver is getting the car fixed today and will be taking me to Western Union tomorrow. (If I make the check for $2000, would that be okay? (I like keeping my numbers rounded off) You could use the extra money to buy yourself a delicious ice cream cone or something.) P.S. Joe Joe the Dancing Clown does not care for the program "Mister Sterling". (Mister Snickers does!) P.P.S What does N/B mean? Is that like P.S.? P.P.P.S (or N/B) Is Andrew Desmond Osho from Logan, Utah? I knew a very nice man in Logan, Utah named Andrew many years ago. I don't know if Desmond Osho was his last name, but it doesn't hurt to ask. N/B: 9 1215225 251521 (The above is: I LOVE YOU in our code... Mum's the word!)

---

Dean Cameron

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The code seems, er... long... An alternative is suggested.

From: ibrahim abacha [mailto:ibrahimabacha_ng@hotmail.com]

Sent: Saturday, February 08, 2003 2:53 AM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: AWAITING THE INFORMATIONS YOU USE IN SENDING THE MONEY.

(ELIZABETH K). Dear Sir, Thanks for your mail response and the contents are well understood.It is through about what you said for the need of a code in our communications.But the code you have suggested is too long.I advice we use the code (ELIZABETH K),my aunt's name in all our communications.Any e-mail I'm sending to you from now on will carry (ELIZABETH K)on top of the message just like I have putting it on top now.You will also have to make sure that you always include the code just as I did now in all your emails you are sending to me,like you know it is to ensure maximum security. ANDREW DESMOND OSHO is not from LOGAN,UTAH,the name might just be similar but he is not from UTAH.He is the general secretary of the security company. After sending the money today,endearvour to furnish me with the informations you use in sending the money immediately so as to enable ANDREW DESMOND OSHO pick up the money from the bank so that the consignment can leave NIGERIA immediately.Thank you very much for what you said I should use to buy myself ICE CREAM,I am very happy.I will tell my mother so she can also help me to thank you. N/B means note below or important notice.I use it to advice that incase you are subjected to some questioning by the western union's office on who you are sending money to in NIGERIA,you should tell them that you are sending money to your family in NIGERIA because we are now like your family members,I hope this is well understood?and again,it is to ensure maximum secrecy so that they won't know about our transactional arrangement. Once again,thank you very much for your great concern about us and Allah will reward you greatly for your love for us. May Allah bless you. Thanks,

IBRAHIM ABACHA. top



Their impatience is showing. I didn't write back for one day and the "mother" sent me an email. I think she's in to me. She asked about the cats and signed off with "I love you". I'm a lucky man.



From: abacha marian [mailto:marianabachauk002@yahoo.co.uk]

Sent: Sunday, February 09, 2003 10:02 AM

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Subject: thank you very much. My Dear Dean Cameron,

Greetings to you and your family.How are you and your kitkats,hope they are doing fine.

My son has updated me about your dealings with him,also how you promised to send him money together with the transfer charges to buy ice cream for himself.I am very grateful about this,this shows that you really care about us,thank you very much about this.

Please,always keep in touch with us because not hearing from you is like we are in the dark.Infact I am very happy you are there for me and I'm really looking forward to leaving with you in USA.Waiting to hear from you sweet and my son is also waiting to receive some informations about the money you promise to send. It's me writing,MARIAM,

I LOVE YOU. top



I reply a couple of days later. Using, of course, a different code.

From: "dean cameron" d ean@mighty cheese.com

Reply-To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

To: "'ibrahim abacha'" ibrahimabacha_ng@hotmail.com

Date: Mon, 10 Feb 2003 21:39:22 -0800



(MISTER STERLING) Hello my good friend from the land down under! I am testing this new code. THE CROW FLIES AT MIDNIGHT! ---

Dean Cameron



Ibrahim gets a little pissy and I reply. ----- Original Message -----

From: "ibrahim abacha" ibrahimabacha_ng@hotmail.com

To: d ean@mighty cheese.com

Sent: Tuesday, February 11, 2003 3:57 AM

Subject: URGENT/CONFIDENTIAL.



(ELIZABETH K). Dear Sir, How is MISTER STERLING AND MISTER SNICKERS,I hope they are doing alright. I just received your mail and I must tell you that the contents are not understood.Regarding our code of communication(ELIZABETH K),I do not see anything to be tested there.It is very easy,all you need do is to always put it on top of your e-mail whenever you are mailing me just like I have putting it on top now.I am trying to say that there is nothing to text there in the new code as it is delaying this transaction. I expected to receive all the necessary informations from you to enable ANDREW DESMOND OSHO pick up the money from the bank so that the consignment can depart NIGERIA to AMSTERDAM immediately.Now I'm surprised you did'nt even make any reference to that.Like you know time is of essence and this funds is our future hope,hence the need for the consignment to leave NIGERIA as soon as possible before it gets to the knowledge of our Government and froze it just the way he has done to all our properties and accounts,I hope this is understood.I must tell you that we are not happy about your delay in responding to our mails.My mother told me she also e-mailed you but she did not hear from you uptill now.She said she like hearing from you all the time as I believe she always think about you. I have tried your number times without numbers it is permanently on fax.Please provide me with your direct mobile number where I can always get you anytime I call you,because I want to have a voice contact with you. Please endearvour to get back to me immediately you receive this mail and I should expect the informations issued to you by the WERSTERN UNION'S OFFICE that will enable ANDREW DESMOND OSHO pick up the money from the bank without further delay and also endearvour to e-mail my mother so she can be happy because she have not been in a happy mood for sometime now,she did not hear from you. ALLAH will reward you for your great concern about us.Praise ALLAH. Thanks,

IBRAHIM ABACHA. PLEASE REMEMBER TO INCLUDE THE CODE (ELIZABETH K)IN YOUR NEXT MAIL TO ENSURE MAXIMUM SECURITY IN OUR COMMUNICATIONS. I reply with some more about Mister Sterling and a nice parenthetical section, if I do say so myself.

(ELIZABETH K). Ibrahim my gusty friend, I believe there is confusion amongst us. I went to Western Union and had a check made for $2000. It is sitting next to my four ice skating trophies (no, I am not an Ice Skater, but I do love the trophies and am constantly on the lookout for them at flea markets and antique shops (I love antiquing, though there is not much here in Floradi) to add to my collection) on the shelf next to my desk here. It is made out to ANDREW DESMOND OSHO (not from Utah, thanks for clearing that up (would've been quite a coincidence, eh?!?!) although it would've been quite a coincidence, eh?!?!) and it is even in the capital letters which you are so fond of using! What address should I send it to? How is the taquito known as your mother? I'm hoping she is all packed. Speaking of packing. I found a friend to watch Mister Snickers and Joe Joe the Dancing Clown (you referred to one of my cats as Mister Sterling; oh how I made a laugh (I schnertzed (that means laughing so that stuff shoots out of your nose when you're drinking) my wine spritzer all over the screen) when i read that! I'm smiling now, thinking of it. Mister Sterling is my new favorite television program (I think that Josh Brolin is a keeper, don't you? (Have you heard Audra Macdonald sing? spanINE!!!! LIKE AN ANGEL!!!! (of course I don't believe in angels now that I am moslem) ) He reminds me of Roy Bilhouse, (Roy Bilhouse was my best friend in 10th grade. I don't imagine that you know him.) who I always thought was quite like Josh Brolin (Obviously, I knew Roy before I ever became aware of mr. brolin in "The Goonies" and now Mr. Sterling) with that rakish Nick Nolte demeanor) and Mister Snickers and Joe Joe the Dancing Clown are my naughty feline cats. (I say naughty because Mister Snickers has taken to taking the dried poopies from his catbox and leaving it in my bed! (don't ask me how I know it's Mister Snickers' poopies. You do not want to know, sir) I don't know why he'd do that. Maybe he knows I'm going on a trip to Assmerdam!) My passport is in order. Remind me, when you have time, to tell you the story about taking Joe Joe the Dancing Clown to the Federal Building many years ago to pose in my Passport photo with me! You'll SCHNERTZ! Where do I send the check, my monkey? (I'm not sure that this ELIZABETH K. business is effective, by the way. My son, the famous heterosexual, believes that it is a worthless security measure. Much like the ones currently implemented by airport security in the united states. (all for show, that is) Thoughts?) PRAISE ALLOoO! N/B: Mister Sterling is not on this week. ---

Dean Cameron



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