“And these notes that they released of this phone call make Trump look — and I don’t want to get too technical — bad.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Following House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s announcement of impeachment proceedings against President Trump, Trump tweeted this morning that there is, ‘no president in the history of our country who has been treated so badly as I have.’ Even more amazing, he tweeted it from the Abraham Lincoln room in the John F. Kennedy Library.” — SETH MEYERS

“Who would believe Volodymyr Zelensky would be his Monica Lewinsky?” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“[Imitating game show announcers] ‘Tell the president what he’s won!’ ‘It’s protracted impeachment inquiries, a permanent stain on his already shameful legacy, and a lovely Broyhill dinette set. Broyhill: Eat crow in style!” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“He gave a news conference and he called his phone call with Ukraine’s president ‘perfect.’ He said it was perfect. Then Nancy Pelosi said, ‘I agree. It was fantastic.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“He’s right, it was pretty great. It was a perfect phone call. Pleasantries were exchanged. Friendships were built. Crimes were committed. I have no notes. I give him five stars.” — JIMMY KIMMEL