Ok, maybe I misread the menu. Maybe it’s because I can’t read. Maybe a lot of things. But when I ordered Steamed Salad* from Red Hot II in my Brooklyn neighborhood of Park Slope via Seamless last week, I’m not sure what I was expecting but it probably wasn’t celery in peanut sauce. Luckily celery is one of the only foods I crave pretty consistently (what can I say, I’m awful.) so everything worked out better than expected.

a celery story? really? I just want the recipe…

Seamless is great. But Seamless is also a little weird. The majority of menu items from a majority of restaurants offer no explanation of the dish. I’m not sure why this isn’t as troubling to other people as it is to me. It’s as if everyone else doesn’t slave over their Seamless orders, pacing back and forth in the living room, breaking out into a cold sweat and crying just a bit. Thankfully, I am a firm supporter of blind faith and I’m a maven of risk taking and all around dangerous behavior. And by that, I mean I order Steamed Salad because it seems like a moderately decent idea and it’s only money that I’ll never see again.

Steamed Salad is really good.

Red Hot II’s is a little oily. It’s still stupid good. So I’m going to recreate some Steamed Salad because I have a vegetable steamer and celery is my favorite vegetable and I’m going to remove that oil so there! And anything Seamless does I can do better. Except deliver food from thousands of restaurants with no delivery fee and a delightful level of convenience and moderate competence that you once thought money couldn’t even buy. Except for those things. Seamless has those on me.

STEAMED CELERY in PEANUT SAUCE

makes two heaping servings of steamed salad†

Inspired by Park Slope’s very own Red Hot II’s Steamed Celery with Sesame Sauce

Ingredients:

250g celery, sliced into half stalks then quartered length wise

1 tablespoon low sodium soy sauce

2 teaspoons light rice vinegar

1 teaspoon chili garlic sauce

1 tablespoon powdered peanut butter

½ tablespoon crunchy peanut butter

¼ – ½ teaspoon light brown sugar

1 tablespoon chopped scallions

optional: 1 tablespoon crushed unsalted roasted peanuts

Thank goodness for that vegetable steamer you knew you’d always use all the time, huh?

Toss your celery in a vegetable steamer and set according to product instructions. I did mine for maybe 15 minutes or so.

Meanwhile, whisk together the soy sauce, rice vinegar, chili garlic sauce, powdered pb, peanut butter, and brown sugar. Make slight adjustments if need be.

Toss the celery with the sauce. Top with scallions. Top with crushed peanuts if you’re feeling it.

*So this is weird. I swear before this most recent Seamless app update, Red Hot II listed this menu item simply as “Steamed Salad.” Upon further review and diligent fact checking, I have come to discover that it is now clearly listed as “Steamed Celery with Sesame Sauce.” I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. Clearly up is down and left is right and my whole life is now a lie. But, uh, I’m clearly not going to rewrite this post so suck it, new world.

†is anyone else reminded of “steamed hams” here? Everyone? Good. Second time I’ve referenced that Simpson’s episode today. Not bad, Molly. Not bad.

NUTRITION

(with and without additional peanut toppings)