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When we talk about a culture of violence against women, part of what we mean is exemplified in a CNN article about Kristine Kirk, the Colorado woman, who was “shot dead” by her husband.

The entire story reads — and this is hardly a singular fault of CNN, so sorry to pick on them but this is really just an example of how twisted things are culturally — as an ode to who is responsible for this horrible tragedy. Was it pot or a slow police response time?

Sorry. It was neither, though both may be factors that need to be addressed. But neither of those pulled the trigger, and since there is an epidemic of women murdered by intimate partners in this country at 3 per day, it’s a bit important to identify this SYSTEMIC and ONGOING problem.

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So let’s break it down. Even the headline is problematic: “Colorado woman shot dead while on phone with 911 for 13 minutes”. So, she was “shot dead” instead of “Husband Allegedly Shot Wife Dead”, per his admission. See, one is passive and totally let’s the confessed perpetrator off.

We proceed from there to the other enabling/denial of the plague of violence against women. Prior to Richard Kirk confessing to shooting his wife, Kristine was on the phone with 911 saying that her husband was hallucinating. She was scared for herself, their three kids and her husband.

She screamed when he went to the family safe and grabbed a gun.

The 911 operator heard what sounded like a gunshot. The wife went silent on the 911 call.

Responding police found her dead Monday in the family home with an apparent gunshot wound to the head, authorities said. She was identified as Kristine Kirk by CNN affiliate KWGN. Kirk admitted that he killed his wife — “without questioning,” a police document says — when an officer put him in the backseat of a patrol car, the probable cause document says. Those harrowing events, provided by authorities, are now being investigated by Denver police, who are looking at how 911 handled the 13-minute emergency call and whether Kirk was using marijuana or another drug, authorities said Wednesday.

Examining the drug habits of the accused is part of the process, but it also feeds into this inaccurate notion that only men who are high or drunk kill their wives. This is far from true, and it is a dangerous failure to grasp the issue. The issue isn’t pot. Many people smoke pot, some even abuse it, and they don’t shoot their family members.

We have an epidemic of violence against women, and it’s enabled by the way we discuss it as a culture. Let’s not blame pot or slow police time for the actions of Howard Kirk.

In Florida, Marissa Alexander is facing 60 years in prison for firing a warning shot into the ceiling (or a wall) of her home after her previously abusive estranged husband threatened to kill her soon after she gave birth. Those stories don’t look for excuses for her actions, even though she had a valid one, particularly under Florida’s misguided Stand Your Ground law.

They ignore the fact that pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than to die of any other cause, which certainly bolsters her case and claim of self defense (Frye, V. Examining Homicide’s Contribution to Pregnancy-Associated Deaths. The Journal of the American Medical Association, 285, No. 11, March 21, 2001.) It’s ironic, but the pro-life crowd in the Republican Party fight hard to protect abusers, which means they are protecting the murderers of pregnant women and young moms. That’s not a family value.

The media and police aren’t running around acting like Alexander’s actions are so bizarre that there must be some drug to blame, and yet statistically, it’s an anomaly when a woman kills their husband or intimate partner. It is not an anomaly when a man murders his wife.

A law-enforcement source told 9News that Kirk may have ingested a marijuana edible prior to the shooting. Sure, Kirk was “hallucinating”, but here’s another clue for police and the media: Many men who kill their wives exhibit signs of paranoia, and claim to be hearing things about her that cause them to act violently. This is not fresh or new, and it’s not an excuse. It’s not even interesting, and it strikes me as possibly having an agenda against the recent legalization of the sale of recreational marijuana in the state.

It makes no sense, because even before it was legal, people still had access to pot, so how is it just now being blamed for murders?

The perpetrators often believe they are the victims of their own actions toward the more vulnerable, including their own children. But before the pity quotient racks up, let us not forget that they chose to take violent action against their wives and children, not male authority figures or bosses. One can’t really claim to be so ill they didn’t know better when they chose (and for the repeat offenders, continue to choose) victims who couldn’t/wouldn’t fight back, and victims whom society forgives them for killing in a way that they wouldn’t if the perpetrator killed their boss or a stranger.

Are the police underfunded? Yes. Was their response time slow? That will rightfully be examined, and yet no one will hold the folks who push defunding the police accountable for this. Chalk this up to one of the many hidden ways the GOP attack in the war on women. But still — the police are not the folks who shot this innocent victim. That choice was made by her husband, and it’s not an unusual choice and we need the media to stop pretending that it is.

Given the fact that most men do not perpetrate violence of this magnitude, I don’t understand why they don’t choose — as a culture, since they run the media and police — to ostracize those who do. A very small percentage of men are responsible for multiple rapes and violent acts perpetrated against women. If we held them accountable, we would all be better off and safer.

This isn’t bro protecting bro. This is bro enabling the few to end the lives of innocent victims, out of misplaced understanding of the issue. It’s not about pot; it’s about an epidemic of violence against women. This was a tragedy and our hearts go out to the family.