First off, it's important to note that I am not, nor have I ever been a Parks Canada employee. I have, however, found every conceivable excuse to go out to The Fortress of Louisbourg , wrap a cravat around my neck and get paid. I celebrated the victory of American Independence in " The Book of Negroes ," hit on the executioners wife in The Louisbourg Murder Mystery , heckled a prostitute in The Ghost Tour , and stood in for Khal Drogo in " Frontiers ." Also, when I moved here 2 years ago from Georgia, pretending to be French and getting musket training was the furthest thing from my mind. Sometimes you just walk through life smiling and nodding, and you find yourself being accused of murder by Aaron Corbett. Hey, these things happen!





That's me hitting on the executioner's wife, because I make poor life choices.





So for anyone who feels the need to don a tricorne or lace up your petticoat, here are a few things I learned while surviving the fake 18th century.





1. I don't know French.





2. When French tourists start talking to you in French, it is inappropriate to respond with "French sounding noises." They catch on super quick.



3. Muskets are heavy.



4. Don't leave your musket in the kitchen.



5. Never let your mom hold your musket, unless she is musket trained. Mine was not.



6. The only thing stranger than dressing up and pretending to live in the 18th century for work are the people who think it's perfectly normal to dress up and pretend to live in the 18th century for work.



This guy herds geese for living. Is that normal to you? Because it shouldn't be.





7. Do not straddle a cannon, wave your tricorne in the air, and yell "Ride em' Cowboy!" Apparently it's not "period." It is, however, totally rad.



8. During the 18th century, human calves (of the leg variety) were highly sexualized, and your socks falling down was the equivalent of flashing strangers. This weirdness is compounded by the fact that the socks they give you do not stay up.





9. German tourists do not appreciate you calling them barbarous, calf-flaunting heathens for wearing shorts.



10. On a similar note, nobody likes an 18th century French soldier singing Smash Mouth in the Mclennan Centre, even if it's part of a long term performance art project.



11. When the stunt coordinator on Book of Negroes tells you to stop wildly swinging your axe in celebration, take her seriously. She will take your axe away. She will replace it with a bread basket. You will feel emasculated.



12. Three Months after moving from Georgia, I found myself in a 18th Century French fort, being filmed by a South African film crew, celebrating the American Revolution, in Canada. Nobody thought this was weird.





Personally, I thought the goat was the biggest perk of the job, but I like goats way more than the average person.



13. When you see yourself in one scene as a British Redcoat, and 3 seconds later as an American Revolutionary, don't worry about it. Nobody is paying attention to you anyways. :'‑(



14. When you're in the middle of a scripted murder mystery, do not improv a dramatic and heartfelt confession. Especially if your character didn't actually murder anyone.



15. If you find yourself in a ghost tour threatening a prostitute with violence, then 3 minutes later pretending to be a priest by the ice house, don't worry about it. It's best not to overthink this stuff.



16. When you're performing a fake exorcism on your girlfriend and her fake tooth shoots out of her mouth into your priest robes, just roll with it. It's GOLD!



17. Mark Delaney played both the killer in the murder mystery, and Satan in the ghost tour, so as a general rule of thumb, treat all redheads at the fortress as homicidal demonspawn.



18. When standing in for Jason Momoa , it's generally a bad idea to say "He's not that tall" within earshot. Dude's big.



19. The longer you work at Louisbourg, the looser and looser your grip on reality becomes, as your consciousness slowly descends deeper and deeper into a dark pit of anachronistic madness. This is one of the many reasons the work is seasonal.



20. I rock a tricorne like a boss.





SEXY TRICORNE JUSTICE! And thanks to photographer Chris Walzak, who routinely makes me look better than I do in real life.

So now I think you are all prepared to button up your breeches and start defending The Fortress of Louisbourg. Granted, the two times the place was attacked, it fell both times, so don't get overly optimistic. Man, I should teach this stuff. I'm good at this.