I can’t even be trusted to do the dishes and these young moms take care of tiny humans

As a twenty-something woman, I often find myself in limbo between childhood and adulthood. This leaves me baffled as I see more and more pictures of babies filling up my Facebook feed. I consider it an accomplishment when I remember to eat a vegetable during the day, but there are hundreds of thousands of women my age who are actually responsible for another human life.

Young mothers seem to be judged more harshly than older women who are doing the same job. A baby comes with the same responsibilities whether it is born to a mother in her twenties or one in her thirties. So, in an attempt to better understand these young women I asked a few of them what they wish society knew about young mothers.

We are capable

“I work, go to school, take care of [my babies] and a household…I breastfeed, change diapers, get up with them at night…I feel more than adequate.”

A woman’s age doesn’t determine her capability concerning motherhood. A young mother is capable of doing everything necessary to fulfill her baby’s needs.

Your advice is appreciated, but we need to make our own decisions

“People tried to tell me what to do and how to raise [my baby]. I listened to what they had to say but I didn’t always do everything they said. Some things were helpful and other things I did not agree with. In the end you learn that it’s your child and you make the decisions.”

While most young mothers definitely appreciate some help and advice from time to time, it is important to realize that they have the final say. Don’t be offended or take it personally if a young mom doesn’t always take your advice. It’s her right to raise her baby her way.

We want different things

“A lot of [young women] want an education… Some want a family…I did not plan to have my [baby] but I have always wanted to be a mom and I love being a mother at a young age.”

Not all young women want the same thing. Some want a family, others want a career. Some women want both. Don’t assume that becoming a mother disrupts a young woman’s dreams. Her dream could very easily be to be a mom.

Negativity makes it harder

“I wish society understood that having children young doesn’t mean that you will automatically be a bad parent. It is hard enough already and facing strong opposition only makes it unnecessarily harder.”

Young moms face a unique assortment of struggles and challenges and facing the stigmas that can come with young motherhood can make it even harder for them. Everyone needs a support system, mothers included.

Our lives don’t stop, we just rearrange them

“You do not have to stop the rest of your life just because you get pregnant. You do rearrange your life because you are raising a child, but you do not have to stop going to school or stop working.”

A common misconception about young women with children is that their lives have to stop. Though it may become more difficult, many young women find a way to enjoy both motherhood and their other activities.

We consider our babies’ futures

“Young moms have nine months of pregnancy just like every other mom to think about what kind of life they are going to be able to give their baby…[my baby] is loved and taken care of and that’s all that matters.”

A common concern regarding young moms is they don’t think about the lives that they will give their children. In reality, young moms have just as much time to consider their children’s futures and whether or not they make decisions in the best interests of their babies depends on the mother, not her age.

We can still pursue our goals

“I wish [my family and friends] knew [when I got pregnant] that I would be able to continue with my education plans and still be a good mother… I feel it is important for my [baby] to see that no matter what, you can still achieve your goals.”

It may be more difficult, but young moms are more than capable of achieving their goals after getting pregnant. Their children may even act as motivators for them to succeed.

Don’t judge us

“Young mothers go through a lot! So, if you see a mom in the store and her kid is crying, don’t sit there and stare and judge… She is trying to teach her kid to be polite in places.”

They may be a different age, but young mothers go through the same challenges with their children as older ones. Many people cling to the idea that only young mothers struggle; but in reality, all mothers do.

Though young motherhood is by no means easy, it is something that many women succeed at every day. These young women rearrange their lives and take care of a baby, even if it comes at a time that is less than convenient. The least we can do is give them support and attempt to understand the unique lives that they lead.

Special thanks to:

Tonya (20), mother of Kairi (2)

Nettie (20), mother of William (3)

Breeanna (21), mother of two