You know who burns popcorn a lot? Arsonists. Out of all the houses they set afire, I bet at least 35% of them have popcorn in the cabinets. Then the arsonist goes to work the next day and says, “Man, I’m always burning popcorn!” to his coworker and the coworker says, “Me too! haha,” and the arsonist says, “So do you want to burn down a warehouse with me tonight?” as the coworker says, “I think it’s the microwa- what?” and then conversations are awkward after that, because the coworker finds out that the arsonist is dating his ex.