"This game and this result are a total anomaly and not indicative of a larger trend that has continued over a statistically valid sample size of 31 games." said Branch while overcompensating for the loss on Saturday night. "It is pretty unbelievable how many times it's been something other than the Timbers fault for losing or drawing."

Mr Branch spent the entirety of our interview playing cards in the poker room and lost every hand while we spoke with him.

"If I was playing poker and had bad luck again. again. again. again. again. again. again. at some point i'd think that maybe I was a shit gambler. Fortunately, as you can see, I'm not. It is just that the cards aren't coming, and the dealer has a problem with my sister, and the guy across the table is a pro who is palming cards, and the deal this time was a complete anomaly. I deserve to win this game, and I'm going to eventually."

The Nutmeg News spoke to linguistics expert and Whitecaps fan Jordi Ignacio-Barthez about Mr Branch's use of the word anomaly.

"The word anomaly is traditionally defined as something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected," said Mr. Ignacio-Barthez. "Given that the Timbers have been complete shit at scoring for the entire year, I'd say that them not scoring is about as far from an anomaly as you could possibly get."

When The Nutmeg News reporters asked Mr Branch about his Anomaly quote he stated, "Well look, it's gotta be something other than the team. I mean, usually it's keepers standing on their head and referees as well. There's always something to blame other than the team and the way it was put together."