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Dear Defenders of Traditional Marriage,

Your words have melted my cold, cold, heart. I’m finally on board with you with this whole “traditional marriage” thing. However you seem to have left out some other traditional marriages that are also sanctioned in the Bible.

So here’s the deal: I will will happy to become intolerant towards the lifestyles and relationships of large swaths of the population if I can get in on some of the traditional marriages detailed below.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my wife’s slaves.

Then again, we were raised in different faiths, so we shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. And our marriage wasn’t arranged. Nor is it based on her being subordinate. You know what, I’m starting to think this whole “traditional marriage” thing is more trouble than it’s worth. Even my marriage, as one-man-one-woman heterovanilla as they come, doesn’t seem to fall under the “traditional marriage” label here. Stupid romantic love. So I think I’ll stay on the side of the angels instead.

Respectfully yours,

Tico

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Categories: Random Rant