Tired of trying your ass off only to get beat by yet another control deck? Tired of facing the same damn pack rat and fearing for your life? Tired of all that complex mana management that never works in your favor? Wouldn't you rather just beat your opponent to death with a Kalonian Tusker? So would I! This deck removes all that complicated shit and gets right down to the nitty gritty. This is how green is supposed to be played. No holding back. No waiting for your opponents to move. Just push until all your creatures die and you have an empty hand. But you don't care do you? You're mono green. You're supposed to do this shit. Now go out there and show mono black that you're not afraid to get your hands dirty. Give esper the opponent they've always wanted, because at the end of the day, you're mono green. And you don't give two fucks.

Kalonian Tusker is the most ballin' ass card in standard and don't you forget it. Mistcutter Hydra takes two shits on blue. Garruk, Caller of Beasts makes your shit go when the goin gets rough. Sylvan Caryatid gives you that sweet ass ramp. Experiment One openly gives the middle finger to destruction. Nylea, God of the Hunt makes sure that everyone gets equal "shitting on opponents life" opportunitites. Kalonian Hydra doesn't need no mutha fuckin description. He's the mutha fuckin hydra bitch!

Now go out there and show FNM that being mono-green isn't about winning. It's about making a statement. That you don't give two fucks.

Edit: 2/16/2014 Tappedout is back online!!

Drawing one card a turn? Poppycock! Courser of Kruphix is here baby and is more amazing than my neural passageways could allow me to conceive. She found her way into my heart and deserves no less than a Mono-Green foundation to ease her horse-like posterior. She must be tired from hauling all this land onto my battlefield. Did I even ask for all this health gain? I mean what the fun on a bun this is outrageous! Kalonian Tusker I love ya, but -1x Kalonian Tusker -1x Reverent Hunter -1x Experiment One +3x Courser of Kruphix

Ya'll were right about Forced Adaptation and Ordeal of Nylea being old-fashioned, so I added some new playthings for our forest dwelling friends. -2x Ordeal of Nylea -1x Forced Adaptation + 2x Unravel the Aether +1x Aspect of Hydra

I will fight until the ends of the earth in Kalonian Hydra's name, and you can take that to the grave, but he was such an utter badass, he overdosed on it. I'm swapping him out for his good buddy, Arbor Colossus. If this thing can make a Demon have horrible dreams, what on earth is he doing chilling in the sideboard? Arbor Colossus and Kalonian Hydra switched places for a bit, at least until this whole mono-black thing blows over. I'm still waiting for the day.

Thank you Tappedout for coming back, we all missed you! Happy playtesting you fellow brewers.