The One Minute, Non-Musical, La Bohème for One or More Actors

We are bohemian. (pause) La.

We are the poets! We are the painters! We are the unemployed and very poor.

But still, we are bohemian. (pause) La.

Who is that? It is the landlord. Is he bohemian? La? No.

Then let us cheat him.

Yes, that would be rather Bohemian. La.

I am the landlord. It is time for you bohemians to pay.

Join us in our bohemian celebrations. Landlord, tell us of your womanizing. We are bohemians, and valorize such behavior.

I am a great womanizer.

How impressive. But are you not married?

Ah, but I am.

We are shocked. We are outraged.

We are bohemian. (pause) La.

Get out of here you filthy filthy man. Be gone.

What about rent?

What about your wife? Now be gone.

Is he gone? He is gone. We are so clever.

Yes. Because we are bohemian. (pause) La.

And now, we come to a café. With bohemians everywhere. (pause) La.

Who is she? She is beautiful. Is she bohemian? (pause) La?

La.

She is.

I love you.

I love you.

You are bohemian?

I am. (pause) La.

La.

Let us have a mad, passionate, ill-fated affair.

Yes, let’s. It is very bohemian. (pause) La.

And now our affair is over. Because you are sick and I am abandoning you.

And I am dating a very rich man instead.

He is not bohemian.

No, but he is Very rich.

And you are still very sick.

I am.

And I still love you.

And I you.

We should get back together. But only until you die.

It would be… bohemian. (pause) La.

We must now get her medicine.

I am dying.

She is dead. But I loved her.

And she died, a bohemian. (pause) La.

And we gather. As artists. As poets. As thinkers.

As Bohemians. La.

With time to mourn.

Because we have no jobs.

We are bohemian.

La.