'I can tell if an orange has pips just by looking at it': Inside the heads of Reeves and Mortimer



They’re comedy’s oddest double act, happily making fools of themselves in a new BBC sitcom. So if you find Vic’s fear of flies (they’re ‘the world’s smallest birds’) or Bob’s most treasured possession (a teddy bear) a trifle strange... you have been warned

'My childhood was almost completely lacking in turmoil. My only unhappy moment occurred when I split the crotch of my new flares at the school disco,' said Vic Reeves (pictured with Bob Mortimer and Erin O'Connor)

What is your earliest memory?

Vic: My memory goes back a long way. I must have been somewhere around six months old. I was sitting in my pram, staring at a corrugated iron fence, wondering where my mother had got to. A few minutes later she emerged from a shop, carrying a turnip. I was a freakishly large baby. I weighed 15lb at birth, which I believe is still a world record.

Bob: I must have been about two and a half, as I’d just learned to walk. I was walking down the stairs in our house and my dad was emerging from the downstairs loo, doing up his flies. ‘Stranger On The Shore’ by Mr Acker Bilk was playing on the radio. Life felt good.





What sort of child were you?

Vic: My childhood was almost completely lacking in turmoil. My only unhappy moment occurred when I split the crotch of my new flares at the school disco. But the feeling of humiliation soon passed. In my late teens I split my trousers at a Generation X university concert but I was, fortunately, surrounded by people wearing safety pins in their clothes and so I was able to mend them without too much trouble and with no embarrassment whatsoever.

Bob: I was a happy lad with strong criminal tendencies. Me and my mates would nick stuff from the market and chuck it in the river. We used to steal barrels of beer from the rugby club but it was nigh on impossible to get them open so we’d roll them down the hill and then just run away. I don’t do much shoplifting these days. I’ve moved on to bank heists now.





'I can karate-chop an apple in half while my eyes are closed,' said Bob

What’s your most treasured possession?

Vic: My dad’s watch is very special to me. Initially it belonged to my granddad, having been given to him on the day of his retirement. So it’s being passed down through the generations, which is a grand thing.

Bob: If a fire broke out in my house I’d probably grab my son’s teddy bear. At the end of the day it’s just a lump of wool with eyes but I’m incredibly fond of it. He goes by the name of Teddy Buns and he’s a big part of the family.

What is your best character trait?

Vic: I can tell you if an orange has got pips just by looking at it. I discovered this at the age of five and thought I’d got it made. Unfortunately, it’s not a marketable skill as such. These days they mark up oranges as seeded or seedless, so any fool can do it.

Bob: I don’t know if it counts as a character trait but I can karate-chop an apple in half while my eyes are closed.





What has been your biggest achievement?

Vic: I’m fairly chuffed with how our new sitcom, House Of Fools, has turned out. If you do something good for the telly, it’s almost as good as sex. Filming the show was like making love to a beautiful woman, except not quite as good. In truth it was more like the satisfaction that follows a blood transfusion or a successful kidney transplant.

Bob: The thing I get complimented on the most is my egg-boiling. I deliver the perfect egg every time. But my expertise is limited to a chicken egg. I’m hopeless with duck or quail.

