Last week, the Republican-led House of Representatives passed a measure to make it harder for women to buy insurance plans with abortion coverage, restrict financial assistance by Medicaid for abortions, prohibit Washington DC from subsidizing abortions, and a few other measures.

Though this is most likely to be vetoed by the Obama Administration, it’s just another are-you-fucking-serious moment for Republicans in congress. There’s a lot of are-you-fucking-serious moments here. What’s the goal in all of this? What do Republicans actually care about?

I went on their website and took a look at the GOP Platform to get my answers.

The economy is used as a huge GOP campaign point. They spoke about jobs, fiscal responsibility, and budget deficit. So the first thing they did in 2010 was attempt to defund Planned Parenthood and now in 2015 restrict financial assistance for women’s reproductive rights.

Is this really the best way to get our financial spending in order? Are we spending 50% of our discretionary income on abortions? Are we spending it on poorly run programs with inside connections to our politicians and virtually no budget? No, then you’d actually be looking at our defense programs. Let’s not forget that Haliburton is still getting government contracts after numerous reports from former employees of financially irresponsible behavior. This included destroying trucks that simply had flat tires to buying new ones, buying laundry bags for $100 and cases of soda for $45, and having employees in Iraq with nothing to do for weeks but billing the government for 12-hour days, 7 days a week.

It’s no surprise that The GOP finds national security among the top of list of priorities. Being committed to protecting your country is a pretty easy sell. No one ever had a hard time talking about freedom and bringing down bad guys. Which brings us to our next GOP platform point.

LOL. Okay.

Remember last year when a Democratic bill providing veteran benefits was voted down by Republicans? How about in 2009 when they struck down a bill that would actually provide job security for veterans who are receiving medical treatment for injuries suffered while fighting in defense of their country? In the same year they rejected another which would retrain unemployed veterans.

And then there’s this one which would have given disabled veterans the opportunity for a home restructure. If you’re thinking HGTV, think again. If a veteran lost the use of his legs in service of his country, the country would have paid for the wheelchair ramp so that he can live at home.

But getting back to the abortion issue:

To the GOP this only means preventing an abortion, any abortion. It doesn’t mean they care about the health of the mother. But if the GOP is going to go down that incredibly personal route, then they probably would like to be heavily involved in most other matters, right?

“Keep the government out of my life!” This is the GOP cry. It’s usually the cry of bankers who want very little oversight or regulation so they can loan money to people who can’t ever pay it back and lead to another subprime mortgage crisis which affected the entire fucking world. But when it comes to your pregnancy, the government is totally concerned with that seedling.

This may sound like the most ridiculous one, but it possibly makes the most sense. I truly don’t think the GOP considers terminating a pregnancy as healthcare. There’s no way a woman could actually need a procedure for anything other than being selfish. But thank the lord Viagra is covered.

But since you’re having a baby without the means the support it, the GOP has you covered, right?

To be fair to the here, they really do want to eliminate poverty because they truly do hate that poor people exist in their world. They don’t believe that social programs should cost as much as they do as they commonly say they are looking to give a ‘hand up’ instead of a ‘handout.’ First, I don’t believe a Republican would ever touch the hand of a poor person. Second, the GOP response looks a little more like frequent deportations and new jails to me.

So what we have in the GOP is the worst boyfriend ever. He tells you want you want to hear so you’ll date him, makes you have a baby you’re not prepared for, then leaves you without any financial or medical help. And he does it every four years.

You think we would learn.