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Sometimes I think the worst thing I ever tried to do as a blogger was monetize my blog.

Why?

Because sometimes it feels like I sanitized the life out of it.

I used to follow the rules of the blog which were to write what I thought and felt even if it was unpopular, uncomfortable and or painful.

I don’t know if I was a better writer then or if my posts were better because they had more of the real me but something was different. This doesn’t mean I am not authentic now or that I don’t pump out the kind of posts I used to but I never used to think twice about whether I would include lyrics to a song like Closer by Nine Inch Nails.

“You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you

You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you

Help me I broke apart my insides, help me Iâ€™ve got no soul to sell

Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself”

What Is The Difference Between Now & Then

From a writing standpoint there is a much stronger focus on the story and trying to make sure there is an image to go along with it. Now I think about the story on a much deeper level and I am more interested in layers.

But sometimes I read my posts and yours and find myself shaking my head because we have become authentically sterile. The effort to show our read side doesn’t always translate well because we tell stories that are incomplete. We tell you about the customer service at an airline/store/post office and talk about how badly we were treated but sometimes we forget to really tell the other side.

Sometimes we forget to mention the person behind the counter heard us mutter under our breath or that they caught the nasty look we gave them.

That is not a general or blanket indictment of everyone because there are lots of times where we present as complete a picture as we are capable of, but not always.

The Words They Heard

Last week my children shared theÂ joyÂ of other children mistreating them. The discovered Â the frenemy and I spent a chunk of the weekend talking to them about why people act as they do. I listened to their stories and ideas and offered some thoughts of my own.

They both came home from school today angry and hurt because of what these other children said or did.

Four hours ago they overheard me on what I thought was a private telephone call. They heard me tell the other caller I wasn’t interested in finding out if my kids had done anything to precipitate these events and then they heard me say that “I want to rip the little fucker’s head off and then slap both of his parents.”

And then I had to explain to them why I said what I did and hope they understood I don’t really want to hurt the frenemies because I don’t. I can’t say that I truly want to slap their parents either, I have no idea if they are good or bad people.

But what these kids don’t know is how much it hurts me to see them go through it and to know I have to watch. I can offer a shoulder and give them advice but I can’t do this part for them.

They have to learn on their own. They have to figure out what to do when someone they trusted turns on them and or lets them down.

I will pick them up when they fall down. I will do all I can to help them through it, but all I can is quite limited.

Authentic Sterility

Authentic sterility made me think twice about being as graphic because things have picked up around here. Run more campaigns than I ever have and made some pretty good contacts that I can use to try and write for bigger publications.

Bigger publications. More exposure. More notoriety and maybe more chances to make a couple of bucks I can use for fun and maybe land that big dream.

But I can’t do it that way. I can’t stifle my voice and be anyone other than who I am.

Doesn’t mean I can’t write a post without cursing, innuendo or anything mainstream finds questionable because that is easy, but I want to be picked based upon me.

Love the guy who is losing his hair, doesn’t look like he is 25 and who sometimes uses colorful language or don’t.

You Be You & I’ll Be Me

Everyone who has been in social media for a while knows the right way to do it or at least it feels like most people claim to. They’ll tell you how long a post should be, how often you should update and what you should write about.

Well you be you and I’ll be me.

I don’t want to be the guy who uses stereotypes to get picked up by some of those larger publications. It is cute for others but not for me.

And if one day you find I have left this place for greener pastures it might be because I joined Cirdan to sell across the sea or I might just be on an extended walkabout.

In the interim we’ll see how many people actually take time to read a post that doesn’t use the prescribed SEO approved authentically sterile headline.

Time to run, got to go pick up some more Shiner Bock.

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