There’s nothing about being trans that’s easy. Certainly, it’s possible to discover wonderful things living as your true self that you wouldn’t otherwise, but that’s still got the potential to be awkward, even embarrassing.

What I have become intensely aware of recently is the challenge of loneliness.

Let’s be clear about this. I’m not talking about the horrible rejection experienced by many trans people (more on that later), but the realisation that effectively nobody around could ever have the slightest clue how I feel (certainly living where I am now), no matter how clearly I communicate my thoughts.

Where I live, there are certainly other transgender people. Yet, does being the way I am give me the right to go up to them and say “Hi, I don’t know you, but I am trans! Help me please?”. I don’t know if it does, but it’s certainly not the way I would choose to go about it. My research online shows one trans group that’s even vaguely in my area, and still out of reach for me without my own transport (I’m working on that though!).

I’ve been fortunate enough to have been able to connect with some wonderful people online, and to be able to communicate with them from time to time.

I have an amazing friend from Reddit who has given me great insight.

A friend who is a fantastic guitarist and helped me so much when I first came out.

Then we have all the pages and groups on Facebook and Reddit. Wonderful trans artists are producing great work such as “Assigned Male” and “Life of Bria”. ( if you have any interest in seeing serious trans issues being dealt with in an accessible way check these out immediately).

Of course, it goes without saying that I manage to stay connected to the friends I have made in Scandinavia, as well as my contacts in the music world.

In some ways I am extremely lucky. I have people in my life who I can share deeply with. People who love me and accept me as woman.

What I want sometimes though, is someone who can give me a hug and say to me “I know how it feels, Lily.”

There are transgender people in much worse positions than I. People who are rejected outright by all their friends and family, or afraid to be themselves out of fear of this loss. What I experience is just a small taste of the everyday experience so many have to deal with.

If you are trans, reach out to your brothers and sisters. It might be just what they need to get by. If you are cis (or otherwise do not consider yourself trans), tell your trans friends that you love them.

Finally, let’s not forget that it isn’t just trans people going through lonely experiences. Here in the United Kingdom we hear talk about an epidemic of loneliness among older people. A very different loneliness, yes, but we should all have our hearts open.

Especially those of us who sometimes feel so alone.