Trump: Convention? What convention? That thing I showed up to that one time?

Once upon a time, Donald Trump was going to have the bestest most awesome star-powered presidential convention ever. How could it not be? He was planning it, even micromanaging the stage design.

When he saw the drawings for the stage he would speak on, Mr. Trump sent them back. “I didn’t like the shape,” he said. “Too straight. Too nothing. Didn’t have the drama.

So there’s no doubt that Trump wanted everyone to know that he was making all the calls:

So far, much of the programming Mr. Trump has decided on is safe

Yet now, that the Democrats have upstaged Trump in every imaginable measure, making a mockery of that pathetic shit-show in Cleveland, what’s Trump have to say about it all?

Hillary Clinton put on a better television show in Philadelphia than Donald J. Trump did in Cleveland. Expectations had it the other way around. Mr. Trump is the bona fide television sensation, a former maestro of a hit reality series, and he had promised to bring some "showbiz" to the proceedings. [...] Asked about the differences, Mr. Trump said he could not speak to them with much specificity, because "I didn't produce our show — I just showed up for the final speech on Thursday."

Why, he didn’t even know it was in Cleveland! Actually, I can’t make that joke because he literally didn’t know it was in Cleveland. (True story, read first link.)