Retail franchise 7-Eleven launched an exciting new addition to its range of Slurpee flavours today – made from the distilled perspiration of hundreds of underpaid, overworked foreign employees.

“The harder they work, the more they sweat, the more Slurpees we can produce, and the more money we make,” a spokesperson for the company said.

He said each employee had targets for how much sweat they needed to produce each day. “If they don’t meet the target we’ll report them to authorities and suggest their visas are confiscated. Just telling them that can increase sweat levels by 20%. Genius!”

The new Slurpees will cost $3 for a ‘small’, $4 for a ‘medium’, or $5.50 for a ‘large’, often just referred to in the business as an ‘hour’s wages’.

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