I mean I'm diabetic and I hate forcing "person with diabetes" too. Diabetes is obviously objectively an illness and I'd certainly click a magic button to cure it without a second thought, unlike my ADHD for example, but it's a thing that affects a lot of my life. People telling me not to call myself diabetic sounds like "oh, actually, I want to pretend this isn't a serious illness that affects literally every moment of your life, and I want to pretend that you're lying and making up excuses anytime you mention that it's causing you issues and also you should just be better at """""managing"""" your illness."

But lots of other people with diabetes feel differently and would rather it be phrased like I did in this sentence.

So there's a couple guidelines I'd recommend:

1) Generally, mirror the language of the specific person you need to describe, excepting things like reclaimed slurs. If they correct you, accept it gracefully.

2) if you are writing something about them, like a blurb for a newsletter or anything and it's relevant, ask them directly what language they prefer. Only ask parents or caretakers if there's literally no way you can ask the person in question.

3) When you need to talk about full groups without a specific representative in mind, look to see what they call themselves. Don't rely on CDC or governmental guidance bc their guidance sucks. Try to see what self advocacy groups use, and avoid groups dominated by parents if at all possible.

4) if you ARE going to use person first language, never abbreviate it. Part of the point with person first language is for it to be a bit clunky, as a way to force people stuck in thinking patterns out of them-- for example, "unsheltered people" as opposed to "the homeless". The idea is that instead of conjuring up images an audience has previously associated with the phrase, you can short-circuit that and maybe make them think about how much it would suck to be without shelter. Abbreviating it takes away a huge part of the point of the person first language and is likely to cause you to do things like write "PWDs" instead of "people with diabetes" and "person with diabetes s" makes no sense and you should stop. It also indicates that, rather than using the phrasing to emphasize their humanity, you have instead just checked a box on a checklist.

5) don't correct someone about language they use to describe their own identities.