Someone in your Facebook network just posted some important news. Uh oh. This is big—life-changing, even. What do you do? Do you just “like” it? Or do you leave a comment? And then what kind of comment do you leave? If you write something clever, you might get that fleeting, empty, online recognition you’ve sorely missed. But then there’s the chance that no one even recognizes your comment. What a terrible blow to your confidence that would be!

There’s a lot riding on this. In fact, there’s more riding on this than whatever stupid announcement (marriage, pregnancy, new job, etc.) your “friend” just posted. The big moments in others’ lives are a chance for you to shine and steal some of the spotlight away for yourself. You don’t wanna screw it up, so here’s a guide to Facebook comment immortality. Just follow it down, and you’ll have more pokes and likes than ever before!

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