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"Our relationship hasn't always been easy, but it's been worth it," says Colton Underwood of girlfriend Cassie Randolph

“She’s doing everything she can for me,” Underwood, who fell in love with Randolph on his season of The Bachelor in 2019, tells PEOPLE. “She’s bringing me all my meals in gloves and a mask.”

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But in his new memoir, The First Time, Underwood reveals that he and Randolph, 25, briefly split last August.

For more from Colton Underwood, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday

Image zoom Cassie Randolph and Colton Underwood Jim Wright

“To put it very frank, after the show, we realized we weren’t communicating as well as we once did,” says Underwood, 28. “Nobody was forcing us to talk about real things going on, so we let a lot of things build up.”

Ultimately, “in a weird way, I kind of broke up with myself,” says Underwood. “I was like, I feel like we need to figure this out and in order to do that, we need space. She agreed. So it was a mutual thing.”

But within two days, “it was like, ‘I miss you!’ ” he says. “It was a very real and very emotional breakup, but it was also very good to be real and emotional because it forced us to have conversations and move on. Now, we know the flags to look for. When issues start to creep up, it’s like, let’s go have a conversation. We’re trying to be more transparent and honest and really trust each other.”

Image zoom Colton Underwood Jim Wright

As for the future, “we talk and we plan and we have so much hope,” says Underwood. “If she were here, she’d nudge me for saying this, but I think an engagement is something we’d both like to see this year. No matter what, I don’t want my life without her. Our relationship hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been worth it.”