Search long enough into the twilight zone of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and you will begin to wonder if you are sane yourself.

“Search long enough into the twilight zone of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and you will begin to wonder if you are sane yourself.” – DCS

There is something profoundly devastating about being married to someone you thought was the ‘love of your life’ for a decade, only to find out the individual you thought loved you, was in reality, suffering from an extreme case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and never loved you at all. At least in the ‘normal’ usage of the word.

I have had Major Depressive Disorder for 50 years by my own estimation. I say it that way because I clearly remember lying on the sidewalk in the warm spring sun watching the clouds overhead. My Mother passed by and we had this conversation:

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing Mom, I’m just depressed.”

“Depressed? You’re only nine years old!” “What could you possibly have to be depressed about!?”

Of course I had no good answer, and it was years before I did. I was in my mid-forties before I began to seek help.

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I tell this to make it a little clearer the challenge I was facing going into the recent breakup. Loss is one of the biggest risk factors of depression. And YES it has been a real challenge. This time around I acquiesced to the advice of a good friend and sought help at the nearest Behavioral Health facility. (Hard on my pride, but good in the long run.)

So how does this relate to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Borderline personality Disorder?

One of the attributes of the Narcissist is the ability to accurately assess their victim’s personality traits and know exactly how to fool you and persuade you. And if they can, they are only too happy to make you feel like the one with the problem. Some narcissists are attracted to others who are more emotionally stable than themselves, if only to tear them down.

They know all your ‘buttons’ and what to say to get what they want from you.

Another trait is the ability to argue in such a manner, you begin to wonder if YOU are the one who is insane!

Someone with NPD will argue you around and around in circles until you want to pull your hair out.

One thing a Narcissistic personality rarely if ever does, is accept blame or personal responsibility.

Everything is somehow shifted onto someone else.

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After my breakup, when I began my research to find out “…what the heck had just happened”, I began to notice that some of the symptoms experienced by Narcissistic Personality Disorders, and Borderline Personality Disorders, were traits I also exhibited from time to time.

According to Mayo Clinic Narcissistic Personality Disorder is

“…a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” “A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.”

Symptoms are, but not limited to:

An exaggerated sense of self-importance

A sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration

Expect to be recognized as superior without achievements to warrant it

Prone to exaggerate achievements and talents

Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally superior people

Belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

Monopolize conversations

Will do whatever it takes to be the center of attention

Expects special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations

Takes advantage of others to get what they want

Inability to recognize the needs and feelings of others as significant

Envious of others

Believe others envy them regardless of evidence to the contrary

Arrogant and/or haughty manner,

Conceited, boastful and pretentious

Insist on having the best of everything

Insist on having their own way in everything

Requires a constant ongoing drama of some kind

There is some question in my mind about whether the Narcissist is completely aware of their own motives or has built their mental wall of denial so high that they cannot allow themselves to recognize their Narcissism. On various forums I have seen those claiming to have realized they are a Narcissist and claim to feel terrible about it, but their is no way to verify whether this is true, or if they are just posting on the forum to relieve their own boredom, and to create a little drama to feed on.

…the narcissist believes that they deserve whatever you have achieved because they are better than you. Indeed, the more you have something that they don’t, the more they feel that they are better than you and deserve whatever you have. In other words, they feel that you don’t deserve it since you are not them.



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