Ten days ago, at 7:54 a.m., I saw the line to get into Trader Joe’s. It stretched halfway down 21st Street in New York’s Chelsea neighborhood, and I joined it, which felt like the dumbest thing in the world. The crowd, the risk, the chaos. (This was right before social distancing was implemented.) Inside the store, the shelves were stocked and I grabbed the new snacks I set out to review every month–for entertainment purposes–alongside frozen broccoli, frozen cod, and orange blossom hand soap—for isolation purposes. One woman had a modestly filled cart that included three bags of elote chips (I salute you, lady). The bottled salad dressing was going fast. The frozen pizzas were depleted. When a shopper returned a carton of oat milk back to the display, I marveled at her self-knowledge: Nah, she realized, I don’t really need this. Imagine that moment of clarity. Employees were restocking shelves and shouting out cheers with a shock of high energy. My own cashier told me that “everything was going to be okay,” and he was convincing.

These are strange times to humorously review cheese bites and trek mix. I want to distract you. I want to cheer you up. But please shop only when necessary and in off-peak hours (call your store to find out when that is). Wipe down shopping carts, wash your hands before and after shopping, and be mindful of other shoppers. Stock at Trader Joe’s is inconsistent across the country right now, but if you see that strawberry beverage, pick some up—your vodka needs it.

Photo by Alex Beggs

Breakfast stuff

Organic Oatmeal Cups, $1.69

Start your quarantined morning with a shower, a good slather of moisturizer, a hefty serving of concern for mankind, and a cup of oats, lightly sweetened. These even have a sprinkle of flax and chia seeds, which makes this instant oatmeal slightly more filling than the plain ones. The rest of your day might derail into a “chip stash depletion,” but you started off on the right foot, at least.

Organic Bran Flakes Cereal, $2.29

These boring brown flakes are just the bare-bones energy provider this dystopian world can rely on once wifi runs out, snarling dog-owners patrol the streets, and the only show left on NPR is Will Shortz doing the weekend puzzle, but no one knows the answers. And they’re slightly sweet, like your text from March 11 telling someone “this’ll all clear up in a few weeks.”