FEATURES: PHALLIC LOGO AWARDS

The game designers across the nation are playing is; can they design a logo and get it approved without the client realising it's a big spurting penis?

We asked our readers to send in the best cock logos from around the world for our team of experts to evaluate. Now we present to you the very cream of the cocks.



Who: Beauty salon in West London

Pro: "I've just received a flyer through the door from them offering me a 10% discount on a facial." writes John Dinwoodie, "I do hope it's give rather than receive."

Cons: Large bollocks makes us think think of tea-bagging.

Cock mark: 78%



Who: some kind of German volleyball association

Pros: It does look like a cock. German sausage.

Cons: Minus points for lack of ballage. Also it looks like a an aquafresh jellyfish.

Cock mark: 80%



Who: 80s schoolboys favourite bag. Oooh. Head bag. You've got a head bag. You're special.

Pros: Dramatic close-up. AND it's famous. AND it's got a funny name.

Cons: Doesn't look much like a cock. Damn.

Cock mark: 47%



Who: Irish equality authority bods

Pros: Looks like a dick with 3 nails driven into it.

Cons: Implausibly large urethra.

Cock mark: 60%



Who: Atherton car centre

Pros: Perfect cockage.

Cons: Grossly swollen balls. Or is it just a tiny penis?

Cock mark: 90%





Who: Czech sausage company

Pros: Great 1920s transvestite oral sex action.

Cons: Two meat. No veg.

Cock mark: 46%



Who: Stereotypical Japanese website

Pros: Looks like it's having sex

Cons: But you're looking at it from the inside

Cock mark: 23%



Who: America steakhouse

Pros: Ambitious front perspective. Angry hues. Some seepage.

Cons: Doesn't make us want to eat there.

Cock mark: 94%



Who: Estate agents

Pros: Full cock and balls. Solidly constructed.

Cons: Some subsidence.

Cock mark: 65%



Who: Wakefield Council

Pros: 'I have just finished working for wakefield council,' spurts ayuplass,'Before I left we were issued with the new headed paper including our new logo. The logo was displayed proudly at the top as is usual for letterheads but the A4 sheets included a large water mark based on a section of the logo. The green part that looks like a spurting cock. Everyone spent Monday running round saying "Have you seen the new headed notepaper?" My section head sent a letter to PR saying "Do you realise it looks like a big knob?"'

Cons: It only works if you twist it.

Cock mark: 58%



Who: The Product Development Company.

Pros: Nice and abstract. Pleasingly bulky. Proudly errect.

Cons: It's just three circles isn't it?

Cock mark: 42%



Who: Pontins holiday camp.

Pros: Secret cock in logo of household name shame.

Cons: Unorthodox choice of letter to be so endowed.

Cock mark: 97%



Who: Printing specialists Doering & Brown

Pros: Secret cock. Elegant, gracefully curved testes

Cons: Thin, reedy shaft

Cock mark: 86%



Who: Military uniform supplier

Pros: Ambitious angle - forwards flaccid with emphatic testicles

Cons: Makes the poor army man look gay

Cock mark: 79%





Who: Engineering consultancy

Pros: A nasty, shrivelled full set of cock and balls

Cons: A bit too arty

Cock mark: 85%



Who: Fitted window company

Pros: "I actually bought a window from these people. It was very reasonably priced."

Cons: Looks like an action painting of some horrible penis mutilation.

Cock mark: 94%



And the winner is...



Who: Brazilian Institute for Oriental Studies

Pros: Oh, just look at it.

Cock mark: 100%





Bonus web design award:

Who: Congestion charge website

Pros: Just look at the top button. Are you that excited about 'logging in'?

Cons: Unrealistic, stringy semen

Exxtra bonus 'muff diver' award

Who: Pride in Oldham award scheme

Pros: Tiny, tiny dwarf man going down on a lady in a peephole bikini.

Cons: He's starting with her bellybutton.



The Phallic Logo Awards was devised by Mr Rob Manuel. Judging and writey stuff by Rob Manuel & Mr David Stevenson. Nominations by grumpyfindsabargain, john.dinwoodie, ProudClod, n1k, markbohan, Lum, biajw, Leemagicx, edovan, ringo229, plantengatron, ayuplass, whitelam, Colley Cibber, Evil Prof. Pixel Masher, picklesolutions, petty.me.uk, "Please don't mention me if you use it or they'll be straight on the phone!", callmedylan, keifr & the mysterious *not logged in*.



