“Where it all began”

I joined the Army back in 1993 as an infantry soldier with the Cheshire Regiment. I had just joined the Regiment as they returned from war torn Bosnia where most of the lads had witnessed the horrific and traumatic effects of ethnic cleansing. This was my first ever exposure to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) although I didn’t have a clue what it was at the time. My experience was from the receiving end!

The lads in my Regiment suffering with PTSD probably didn’t even know they had it but dealt with their emotions by bullying and beating others; those who hadn’t been to Bosnia (new recruits) like myself were their targets. I didn’t understand why my own room mates were behaving in the manner they were and why I was being beaten up as a result. PTSD was not very well recognised or understood during the early 90s and there was little or no support available for those suffering with it. It was “brushed under the carpet”

Many of the lads returning from Bosnia as “peacekeepers” didn’t want to swallow their pride and admit that they were suffering from any form of mental illness because of the stigma attached to it. The lads would rather suffer in silence than be thought of as weak individuals, after all they were trained killers!

Most of the time I managed to stick up for myself but on occasion several lads would pin me down at once and beat me up to the point of a bloody nose or a swollen eye. I was eventually left alone but I witnessed some of my friends get beaten to a pulp. The victims (my friends) would not make any complaint against those beating them as they knew what the Army culture thought about “grasses” so they said they “slipped in the shower”.

I decided to leave the Cheshire Regiment in 1996 after completing a tour of Northern Ireland.

“My first experience of trauma”

In 1999 I re-enlisted into the Army having got married to my wife and now with a young daughter and son. In October 2004 my Regiment (Royal Dragoon Guards) were deployed to Iraq for a 6 month tour of duty. Prior to deployment me and some of the lads in my Squadron decided to watch a number of awful beheading videos, not because we were morbid fools but in case we were captured whilst were out in Iraq. We decided between us that we would rather shoot each other dead than be put on Al Jazeera TV in orange boiler suits. Those videos we watched were horrific to say the least and caused me nightmares.

Whilst on deployment in Iraq (operation Telic 5) my role was that of a troop Corporal in charge of my own 4 man team. We completed the first 3 months at a detention facility at Shiaba Airbase looking after Iraqi prisoners of war before moving on to an escorting role protecting coalition supply convoys between Basrah and Kuwait.

Prior to deploying on one such convoy escort, we were briefed on a possible threat of a suicide bomber looking to target a coalition convoy. We were given the intended route and vehicle description the suicide bomber would be using and we went out.

I was on top cover of my Snatch Landrover looking towards the rear of the convoy when I witnessed a vehicle coming closer to my “Snatch” Landrover. I stuck my open hand out in a gesture to get him to drop back but he didn’t. I then remembered the intelligence briefing about the suicide bomber and that’s when I realised that everything matched. Same route and the same type of vehicle. My heart started to race and I pointed my rifle at the lone male driver who then dropped back slightly with a smirk on his face. A short time later the driver closed the gap again and I reported what was happening to the convoy commander. By now I was pretty much convinced that this was the suicide bomber and our convoy was his intended target. I took aim with my rifle and at first I considered trying to stop the vehicle by shooting the engine but I quickly realised the chance of success was very low. I ultimately decided to aim my rifle at the chest of the driver and released the safety catch on my SA80A2 assault rifle, I was on my third and final deep breath just about to pull the trigger and shoot the driver in the chest when he suddenly veered off the Road and drove away. I was in a confused state and a mix of emotions as I felt that I very nearly shot a potentially innocent Iraqi civilian or on the other hand I had just let a suicide bomber escape possibly to attack another coalition convoy.

The final 2 months of my deployment took place in an area called Abu Al Khasib, Basrah where we were mentoring the Iraqi police force. I recall there being an explosion outside one of the nearby smaller police stations caused by a suicide bomber who had blew himself up outside the station. A few hours later I walked past what I can only describe as a piece of cardboard box discarded at the side of the footpath like a piece of rubbish within the walls of the main police station compound. As I walked past the cardboard box I discovered what was left of the suicide bomber who was intact from the waste up but missing from the waste down. I felt sick that anyone could be treated in this manner, suicide bomber or not he was a human being.

One evening we were deployed to an incident where a vehicle had been seized by the Iraqi police for smuggling fuel. The driver had been detained and my troop had set up a cordon around the vehicle. It was 01.30 and pitch black and I was stood at the end of an alleyway with my second in command when a burst of approximately 10 rounds of machine gun fire come in our direction. We both took cover behind a wall and then we started to cover and move down this alleyway towards the direction of fire when we realised we were separated from the rest of our troop. We weren’t too far away from our troop but the memories of those beheading videos flashed before my eyes and we quickly returned to the cordon safely.

On the 27th April 2005, just 5 days before I was due to fly home I was on Quick Reaction Force (QRF) in Basrah Palace. We heard a loud explosion and got sent out to investigate what had happened. Upon our arrival I witnessed the remains of a car bomb with both the insurgent occupants inside killed outright and in several pieces. My Troop set up a cordon around the remains of the vehicle and I informed my commander that the cordon had to be expanded due to the blast radius. My commander said that there wasn’t enough troops to expand the cordon and that we had to keep a close cordon around the wreckage which we reluctantly did.

I was stood just a couple of feet away from what remained of the insurgents and the flies almost completely covered them. As the heat caused the remains to decompose quickly the flies then started to cover me too. I had flies all over my face, in my eyes, up my nose, on my lips and all over any exposed skin. I was stood there for 4 hours in the baking sun until our bomb disposal unit arrived. EOD completed an X-ray scan of the wreckage only to discover that there was a further unexploded artillery shell hidden inside the wreckage. We expanded the cordon but just 10 minutes later as I was stood on top of a nearby roof with my close friend “MS” when the second shell exploded! At first I was just a little shocked as the adrenaline had taken over but by the time I had got back to Basrah Palace I was feeling nauseous and emotional that I could have been killed along with my friend “MS”.

When I got home from Iraq not one of our troops where offered counselling to my knowledge and to be honest I felt I had put the memories of that tour to the back of my mind never to be brought out ever again. Of course there was also the Stigma of being seen as a weak soldier if we said we were affected by what we witnessed. Some 3 months after I got home from Iraq I started to develop nightmares where I would wake up screaming in sweaty mess. Stigma and pride made me put up with the nightmares and I never sought medical help.

I left the Army in November 2005

“Joining the thin blue line”

In April 2007 I joined North Wales Police as a Police Community Support Officer (PCSO) covering a ward in Wrexham, North Wales. I was there for 16 months and received a number of awards for my work within the community, I also took part as a judge in local flower and talent shows which was rewarding but not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. My ultimate goal was to join the police service as a constable so I could really make a difference and in October 2008 I proudly joined Cheshire Constabulary.

I was never an academic and had a relatively poor education compared to many of my fellow police recruits but what I did have was plenty of life experience and common sense. I was very passionate about my role as a police constable and I read through every possible police training manual to the point that I come joint top of my intakes law exams. During my police training I was sent out on division three times with a tutor. On one of these occasions I was to play a part in the apprehension of 3 criminals who had robbed a jewellery shop in the centre of Chester. Me and my tutor managed to chase after the vehicle on foot and I used my baton to smash the passenger side window. The driver in his haste punctured one of the tyres on his getaway vehicle by hitting the curb and they were detained a short time later by motorway police. It was at that moment that I reaffirmed my passion for the job and all I wanted to do for the next 20 years or so was to put the bad guys away and protect the innocent.

Towards the end of our police training, my intake (15) attended a Hospital in order to view the morgue. It was voluntary and yes I decided to go of my own free will with the understanding what I was going to see unpleasant things. It wasn’t until I got there that I felt very unprepared. Whilst in the morgue I witnessed things that again caused memories of Iraq to haunt me. There was a man taken out of a river covered in maggots, they identified him by taking off his lower jaw in front of us to check his dental records. We were then shown what looked to be a small white shoe box and as the lid was taken off I could only describe what I saw as being a little red wax baby. It was a foetus that didn’t quite make it into the world and I felt numb with sadness but never showed it.

“When the cracks started to appear”

During my probation I went to an incident with my tutor where a man with learning difficulties had discovered his brother deceased in his bedroom. Before I got through the front I noticed that very distinctive smell of death and decomposition. Me and my tutor walked upstairs and into the bedroom to discover a horrific scene of a bloated half naked male decomposed by up to 4 weeks. The vision of the deceased man brought back memories of what I had seen in the wreckage of the car bomb in Iraq and this was my first ever flashback. I run downstairs and out into the backyard where I crumbled for a couple of minutes. I didn’t want my tutor to think I couldn’t handle what I had seen so I composed myself as best as I could and made the excuse up that I was checking the fridge for dates on the food. I couldn’t get the smell off my uniform for the rest of the shift. The smell of death was now becoming all to familiar to me and it would haunt me for the rest of my life.

In January 2010 having been a response officer for just a year or so the police cut backs were starting to take affect. We were having to work longer hours with less resources and it started to take its toll on me and my colleagues. I initially started developing palpitations and went to see my doctor who in turn advised me to “drink less coffee” but I knew there was more to it than that.

I carried on getting palpitations and then I started to have sleepless nights worrying about the next day at work and the day after that. I then decided to take up a hobby to distract my thoughts away from the job so I took up military modelling and found this helped me a great deal in focusing myself on something that to me was very therapeutic. This hobby turned into an obsession to the point that I spent money I couldn’t afford, I ignored my wife who by now was a police officer herself and I totally ignored my kids. I started to withdraw into myself to the point that all that mattered to me was painting my models so I didn’t have to think about the job. I cut off from my friends and family, I become a lonely hermit.

The journeys to and from work took me an hour each way and I felt such anxiety before getting to work that I was exhausted before my shift had even started. Surprisingly as soon as I got to work and put on my body armour I turned into a professional and my focus was on doing the job to the best of my ability. The uniform I wore hid the deep cracks that lay underneath and I didn’t want anyone to see them.

During the rarity of actually getting a refreshment break I would go to the rest room and you would regularly hear at least one officer bad mouthing another for being off sick with stress or other illnesses. Phrases such as “GET A GRIP” “SHOULDNT BE IN THE JOB” “WASTE OF SPACE” “DESK JOCKEY” were common place but they tended to come from officers that spent most of their time in the station rather than out on the streets.

I could feel the atmosphere in Ellesmere Port station change over a period of time and I could see some of my colleagues struggling and breaking down with the increasing pressure being piled on them. All I could do was put my arm around them and offer words of comfort and support but I didn’t want them to know that I was also suffering deep inside.

“The final straw”

By 2013 working in Ellesmere Port had become unbearable for me and so many inexcusable policies were being implemented that I was starting to feel anger and frustration towards the organisation. We were being told to record crimes such as serious (Sect 18) Assaults as less serious (Sect 47) Assaults because they didn’t want it to appear that violent crime was on the increase. I was being assigned to jobs to go to when I hadn’t even finished dealing with the victim I was with because the control room staff were also under pressure to clear their screens and have all jobs assigned to officers. We had very few if any refreshment breaks and I had to keep a stash of Mars bars with me at all times just so I had some form of energy to keep me going through a 10 hour shift.

Office conditions were shocking with the computer keyboards so thick with dirt you couldn’t see the keys, Office chairs falling apart and Pandas with no Road Tax, balled tyres and with little or no equipment such as fire extinguishers and first aid kits in the boot. If we had a light out on one of our pandas we would have to call out duty recovery “To change a bulb!” as it was against health and safety to do it ourselves. It cost £50 for a call out to change a £3 bulb!

During one event at Chester races, who pay the constabulary so many thousands of pounds to police it with overtime officers, they decided they would keep the money and cannibalise local stations of their response officers to cover the event. On one occasion this left me as the sole response officer covering the whole of Ellesmere Port and the surrounding area. It may have only happened the once but that was once too many. Minimum staffing is four response officers!

At one point things got to me so bad and my family were starting to struggle with my temperamental moods that I hit rock bottom. During one night shift I decided that I was going to drive my panda into a tree which was in an area well know for Road traffic collisions in Neston. I lined up my panda ready to put my foot down when a grade 1 suddenly come over the radio and I managed to snap out of my emotional state and went to assist.

“Breaking Point”

In September 2013 I had just finished the second of three late shifts and I felt exhausted whilst walking to my car. Just as I arrived at my car I became disorientated and in a panic, I didn’t know it at the time but this was my first ever anxiety attack and I thought I was coming down with a bug. I drove home feeling awful but felt even worse by the time I got there. I didn’t sleep all night and when my wife come home early in the morning I broke down in tears and said “I JUST CAN’T DO THIS ANY MORE”. My wife took me to the doctors where I was signed off duty for 2 weeks with “Work related stress”. I was at this time the 19th officer out of a total of 65 officers from Ellesmere Port police station to go off work with sickness.

After approximately 2 weeks I was sent to PAM (Occupational Health for Cheshire Constabulary) based in Warrington which took me 2 hours travel time to get there. I was there for all of 10 minutes and completed a health matrix questionnaire where I was marked down as “Severe”. I was shocked when the female consultant said to me “NOW I’M LOOKING AT GETTING YOU BACK TO WORK WITHIN TWO WEEKS” “I DON’T WANT YOU SAT DOWN ALL DAY WATCHING JEREMY KYLE” handed me a list of 5 hand written support groups for me to research myself and finally followed it up by saying “I WANT YOU TO EAT PLENTY OF PORRIDGE AND BANANAS”. When I left PAM I felt worse than before I went in and I immediately reported the experience to the Police Federation who instigated a formal complaint on my behalf.

By Christmas 2013 I had not had a welfare visit from my station inspector “BG” who was, so I am told suppose to have conducted monthly face to face welfare visits with me but this never happened. I had no other support from Cheshire police other than from my friends and work colleagues. I refused to comply with PAM due to their appalling treatment and flippant remarks. I felt cast aside and alone and this caused my condition to deteriorate further. By now my immediate family were suffering to breaking point.

On Friday 24th January 2014 I was finally visited by Inspector “BG” who was apparently their to conduct his first (and only) welfare visit. My Sergeant “WN” was there with him and to be fair he had been supportive throughout my illness, he was my friend. We sat down and I immediately got a feeling that “BG” had an ulterior motive for his visit. He began asking me questions and then started ticking boxes on his clipboard, he then suggested that my illness was more of a martial issue than a job related one at which point I stopped him in his tracks and told him ”DO NOT FOR ONE MOMENT MAKE THIS OUT TO BE A MARITAL ISSUE” “THIS IS A WORK RELATED ISSUE THAT HAS AFFECTED MY MARRIAGE!” “BG” then informed that I would have to go back to PAM to be reassessed which I refused but I was told that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. The rest of the conversation went without incident but I was still emotional and angry at “BGs” comments.

On Saturday 25th January I was contacted by a colleague and friend from Ellesmere Port station who informed me that “BG” had sent out a blanket email stating words similar to “CAREFULLY CONSIDER GOING OFF SICK AS THIS WILL HAVE IMPLICATIONS ON YOUR COLLEAGUES AND WILL INCREASE THEIR WORKLOADS” Needless to say I was at boiling point when I heard of this because any officer that was struggling and on the verge of going sick through stress or illness were now very unlikely to do so because of this email sent by “BG”. After all, any failing at Ellesmere Port station would reflect badly on “BG” by the Senior Leadership Group (SLG) and “BG” wouldn’t get his next promotion!

On Sunday 26th January the day went without incident apart from the fact that I was still seething about “BGs” email. The evening was different and I ended up having a verbal argument with my wife over our personal issues. I ended up on the sofa but didn’t sleep at all and on the morning of the 27th I went upstairs to get into the bed as my wife had got up. We ended up having another verbal argument at which point I decided I needed time alone to calm myself down. I ended up barricading myself in the bedroom alone. My wife thought I was harming myself even though I told her I wasn’t and just needed some time alone she called the police. A short time later the police arrived and negotiators started to speak to me. The situation escalated to the point that police cordoned off both sides of my road and armed response and dog units had been deployed. This excessive response just added to my emotional state and I wasn’t ready to come out of my bedroom until some 6 hours late at which point I came out and went to stay with my dad.

On Wednesday 29th January I hadn’t slept for some 3 days straight and I wanted to contact my wife to see if I could save our marriage but she was reluctant to speak to me. I decided that I would go and see her and when I arrived outside the house I was confronted by her Sergeant who was conducting a welfare visit. I was told I couldn’t see her and to go away at which point I broke down in tears. After sitting in my car for 10 minutes I thought to myself that I shouldn’t have got to this point, I had been seriously let down by the organisation I worked my arse off for but for what? I wasn’t going to put up with it any more. I got back out of my car and was confronted by the Sergeant again and I said I just needed my locker keys which he reluctantly handed over.

I drove to Ellesmere Port police station and got to my locker where I got dressed in my full police uniform. I polished my boots and looked as smart as a carrot, with my cap tucked under my arm I walked into the Sergeants office where Sergeant “MS” winked at me as I reached over and took the only set of panda keys on the board and I walked back out. My sole intention was to drive to Winsford HQ normally as per any other road user and to demand a meeting to see my Chief Constable David Whatton. I wanted him to see one of his own frontline officers broken beyond repair due to his forces failings and lack of welfare support for its own frontline officers, I was living proof of those failings and he needed to see it first hand.

As I drove the panda out of the station yard I recall seeing a good friend and colleague of mine “PH” running to get to me shouting “Kev STOP” but I needed to get to Winsford HQ no matter what, that was my grade 1, my emergency, so I drove out of the yard and activated the emergency equipment on my panda. Once I was on route to Winsford HQ some 25 miles away I deactivated my emergency equipment and drove normally. I realised I didn’t take my personal radio with me and so I switched on the panda radio. I started to hear my name being mentioned and the alarm being raised at which point the duty inspector who was “BG” of all people said he would be taking ownership of this incident. I began to get very emotional and upset and using my own call sign I stated that I was holding the Chief Constable, inspector “BG” and PAM occupational health responsible for my actions due to their lack of welfare support for frontline officers. At this point “BG” asked for my radio to be stunned and I erupted into a hail of emotion. The panda radio couldn’t be stunned and so I was being made aware of where other pursuing vehicles were coming from and plotting off. When I looked into my rear view mirror I could see that I was now being pursued by in excess of half a dozen police vehicles and I felt that I had no option but reactivated the emergency equipment on the panda.

As I got nearer to police HQ I recall officers mentioning stinger traps and armed response officers asking if I was wearing my body armour which I was as it is part of my standard uniform. It felt that all command and control had been lost and now everyone and their dog wanted to get involved. I was informed that the HQ was on lockdown but then a decision was made to allow me through the front gates however when I approached them they were still closed. At this time I decided to go to the rear gates as I was hoping they would be open but as I turned the final corner I could see they were locked too. I started to decelerate as I approached the rear gates but as I took one last look in my rear view mirror I could see numerous police cars, bikes and the force helicopter bearing down on me. At this point I closed my eyes and put my foot down smashing through the rear gate and barrier. I continued to drive to the main entrance at which point I got out of the panda and ran as fast as I could through the main security barriers. I managed to get to the canteen area but was detained by approximately 12 bobbies and arrested. I broke down in a puddle of tears and blood from my mouth and said “I NEED TO SEE THE CHIEF” before being handcuffed and taken to Middlewhich custody suite. A very good friend and colleague of mine “LS” put his arms round me and stayed with me which was a huge comfort.

Whilst in custody my house was searched unlawfully by colleagues and friends of mine which distressed my wife and children. As I got to custody I was still in police uniform and was told by the custody sergeant that I would have to take it off for “evidence”. I refused to take my uniform off initially stating that I was a serving police officer and not a criminal. I was then told that I would have my uniform forcibly removed if need be so I decided to comply but refused to wear a detainees uniform and ended up in a cell in just my boxer shorts for 22 hours before being charged with Aggravated TWOC, Dangerous Driving and Criminal Damage. I was released on conditional bail to appear at Chester Crown Court.

“Continued Support???”

Following my release from Crewe Magistrates Court I had welfare visits from several senior officers from Cheshire Constabulary asking how I was and what could be done to aid my recovery. I knew this was just arse covering and they had no real intention or sincerity behind the visit. I was told by my Chief Inspector that I “TRIED TOO HARD AND CARED TOO MUCH” at which point I broke down in tears.

It was just after my release from custody that I started to feel additional emotions and feelings coming into play. These feelings were different to those I had been suffering from when I initially went off sick. I was becoming easily startled by the slightest bang, constantly scanning for threats in public places to the point I wouldn’t leave my house and then there were the nightmares. The memories of Iraq some 9 years before started coming back and I didn’t know what was happening to me. The memories of the beheading videos, the Iraqi I almost shot dead and the car bomb that almost claimed my life all come flooding back. Little did I know at the time but this was PTSD that had been triggered by all the stress I was being put under.

On 16th April 2014 I was visited by Professional Standards at home who informed that I was being dismissed from the Constabulary without notice under the special fast-track procedure and this caused me to contemplate suicide. The Constabulary’s final gesture was to invite me to go to a counselling session at PAM, needless to say I refused.

During my 5 years as a police constable with Cheshire Constabulary I received two commendations, both of which in my opinion were bread and butter day to day incidents that didn’t justify a commendation. The work that I did believe warranted a commendation, not just for me but as a team didn’t see the light of day.

By now my marriage was all but lost along with the only job I was truly passionate about. I felt like I had lost everything including my self respect and dignity. To me there was just no point in living any more. Although suicide was a constant temptation I never actually attempted to take my own life apart from one time.

In June 2014 following an argument with my daughter I had a meltdown and decided I was going to end my life at which point I run out of my home and towards the sea which was only a short distance away. As I entered the sea I thought that if I could swim as fast and as hard as I could then I would eventually be too tired to swim back and I would drown. As I stared to become tired I remember treading water for a few seconds and that’s when I thought of my mum for a split second. My mum was alone since divorcing my dad and my brother hadn’t spoke to her in over 10 years. I was all she had in the world and I couldn’t bear the thought of her taking her own life if she lost me. I turned round and started to swim back to shore at which point I pretty much collapsed on the beach. I went home and the police took me to my mum’s flat and that is where I stayed for over 6 months.

In November 2014 I felt so low that I decided that I was going do something drastic and join the Kurds fighting ISIS in Syria. I felt that rather than throwing my life away for nothing it would be best used fighting the idiots of ISIS. I wasn’t bothered about dying at this point and I thought if I could take a few ISIS with me then the better. I started backing a small bag with some old police kit and boots I had but as I got to the bank I discovered that unfortunately I didn’t have enough money in my bank account to buy a flight to Turkey so I even contemplated hitchhiking my way there. After a few days I realised that me joining the fight against ISIS wasn’t going to happen so I put the idea to one side and threw myself into jogging and keeping fit.

On the 19th January 2015 I attended Police HQ for my appeal hearing, in a hope that I would have the decision of my dismissal from Cheshire Constabulary revoked. The panel consisted of a Magistrate, an ACC from Derbyshire Constabulary and a retired police inspector. Needless to say my appeal was dismissed and I would have no future in the police service.

PTSD hasn’t just affected my life but also that of my family and friends. I put my wife and children through hell with mood swings, loss of temper and I totally forgot what it was like to be a husband and a father. I even forgot what it was like to be me!

“Where I am now”

Well I’m still here thankfully but only because of the the support of others. Just after my suicide attempt in June I was diagnosed with suffering from complex PTSD by consultants at Combat Stress. Since then I have completed a 2 week residential therapy course with Combat Stress which has helped me develop techniques to prevent triggering myself into crisis. It doesn’t always work but I guess with practice I will get better.

I felt very determined that I was going to go to trial in a hope that the jury would listen to my story and find me not guilty but I was advised by my legal team that it would be futile and I would run a real risk of being sent to prison. After a few tears I decided that my health was the priority and that I would not run a trial. I pleaded guilty to one of the three charges, Dangerous Driving.

On 30th March 2015 I attended Liverpool Crown Court for sentencing on the grounds of Dangerous Driving (only at the point I hit the gates) for which I received a 2 year community order with 12 months supervision in addition to a 2 year driving ban.

I am finally living in a rented 1 bedroom flat of my own in the centre of Prestatyn. My children live around the corner which is great for when they finally decide to let me back in their lives. I am in the final stages of my divorce but my soon to be ex wife and I are on good terms (most of the time!)

I still paint military models which is good therapy and I even try and sell them on eBay in order to get a little extra income as I only live on £72 per week ESA. Not much but I am very grateful to have it.

I have had so much support from my family, friends, colleagues, Cheshire Police Federation, Combat Stress, The Royal British Legion, Bullshire Police Federation, Bullshire Police, Walking the dog “The light in the darkness” and Call4backup. I really cannot thank you all enough. The only way to show my gratitude is to recover from my illness to the point I can lead a life worth living.

“The Future”

I am due to go away for a 6 week intensive therapy treatment for PTSD at Combat Stress at the end of April until the beginning of June. When I get back I will be looking to find some form of employment although I’m not sure what I can or want to do in the short term. Most of my skills and attributes are focused on serving the public and helping others and with now being a person in need of help and support I guess I can see things from both sides of the fence. Ultimately I would like nothing more than to retrain as a support worker for veterans and police officers alike. To support my brothers and sisters in times of need like all you have me.