Fearing the very worst, the nation’s super-rich are unloading their stocks at an alarming rate. Even more troubling, the wealthiest 1% of Americans, who typically know the most, are the ones most anxious to sell. You see, Obama just allowed 13 new tax increases to further slow the economy, wreck the stock market and make it even harder on the 12 million Americans already looking for work.

From the Department of Particularly Bad Timing: A conservative group sent an email blast yesterday calling for the possible impeachment of President Obama. The reason given was the current disastrous stock market Problem: The apparently "wrecked" stock market reached another record high even as they were sending their little letter, with the Dow closing above 15,000. There's no evidence the "super-rich" are unloading anything except another few dump trucks full of money into their already bloated bank accounts. No, the "super-rich" are the one group of people in the country that's doing very, very well right now.

Still makes more sense then the Republicans' current Benghazi conspiracy theories, though. Tell you what: Darrell Issa, you should probably look into this one. Is Barack Obama crippling the robust stock market performance bequeathed to him by Hero of the Masses George W. Bush—despite all real world evidence to the contrary? Now that's a conspiracy theory!

Sigh. Just out of curiosity, do you think any of these people listen to themselves? It's entirely possible that these fundraising appeals are done via word jumble. Oh! It could be done via conservative monkey seance! I don't actually know what a conservative monkey seance might entail, but it sounds so wonderful that I'm just going to declare right now that conservatives get all of their best ideas from a conservative monkey seance. Jim DeMint, in particular: huge fan of the conservative monkey seance. Damn fine band name, too.