A "Slightly NSFW" warning. Not sure about it :)

The third poly-friendly picnic I arranged happened on the evening of October 23rd. It’s funny how “hosting” such an event makes people think that you’re years and years “into that sort of thing”, while actually – we’re kinda new to polyamory.

For those of you who don’t know what polyamory means, please look elsewhere, I’m not here to explain the concept, only to share my experiences of it. You may follow This Link to where I have read most of the background & practicalities about it, and identified with many of the views the writer has.

As for our poly-story, it started somewhere near the end of February this year. There we were, CK and I, lying in bed after a satisfying sex session, cuddling. He was gently caressing my boobs, not in passion, but because we’re both touchy-feely that way. “Don’t you miss other boobs, sometimes?” I asked suddenly. “I guess I do,” he said, contemplative. “I love your boobs,” he demonstrated by grabbing one appreciatively, “but variety is always interesting.”

So we talked about it, not out of any lack or injury in our relationship, but rather out of plenty and security. We talked about variety, about experiencing physicality with new people, and about the fact that we’re both uninterested in “just random anybody”. He told me he might be too jealous letting me go “experimenting” on my own, so we considered adding someone first, a threesome. We agreed that while we both need to like the person we’d choose to add, there’s no need for the both of us to be attracted to him or her, considering we’re both very much (and so far – exclusively) heterosexual.

Thus we went out on a few dates. Guys are, not surprisingly, more open to the notion, so these were all dates with men. The third person we met was the charm: a blue-eyed young man that we both liked and felt comfortable enough around, and I also found attractive. A few meetings later, the three of us ended up in bed watching a movie at our place, and one thing led to another… It was fun, exciting and a very interesting experience. A bit messy, though, in the emotional sense. Talking about it later, we concluded that it might be better for us to do some more serious talking and figuring out what everyone wants and feels in such a situation before trying it out again. Just so that everyone’s on the same page and enjoying themselves.

We decided that we like the guy and would want to see him again in the future, and he felt the same. Considering himself polyamorous, he introducing us to the concept. So I went to read more about it, talked with CK and showed him that page, and we thought we could actually be okay with trying this way of life. After all, it was closer to what we were interested in: a meaningful connection with other people, one that is not merely sexual. Thus I officially started dating our threesome guy, while CK looked for girls to date on his own.

It was about two months into our new relationship constellation, and CK was still having a hard time dealing with my dating. He did agree with the values of polyamory, just couldn’t shake off the insecurity and occasional jealousy. We hoped that once he’d start dating too it’ll be easier for everyone. But it’s difficult to find girls that are okay with dating a guy who already has someone! I asked around the local open-relationships group if they had realife meetings for poly people, and others there asked the same. No one seemed to take responsibility for such an event, so I picked up the glove. Yes, I started this whole picnic-meetings thing because I wanted my love to have other women in his life. It was the best way to make him understand what it’s all about!

Indeed, after dating a girl he met on the first picnic a few times, things clicked into place. My partner now knew what it was like to want to see the other, new person while still caring about your partner. He understood better what it’s like for my date being “the other person”, and was easier on him. He even started hugging him goodbye when he visited. After all, what’s not to like about another person who makes your loved one happy?

Now here we are, about nine months later. In that 3rd picnic CK met a new girl and so far things look promising between them. My “first poly other-relationship” lasted for about three months, after which we stopped talking for a while. In the last picnic we met again, and I was happy to see him. All the things that made us a bad couple are probably still there, but so are all the things that made us awesome, that made us like each other. So, forgiving the first and enjoying the latter, it was good spending an evening near each other. Eventually we said goodbye till an unknown future as he prepared to leave the country. One of the things that make me appreciate polyamory as a concept is that meaningful people from your past may still be a part of your life in some unknown future. I hope you fare well, darling. One day the curve of the river might bring us together again…