A little-discussed development in the recent resurgence of feminist activism is the increasing presence of men in spaces that had been designated women-only when I became active in the 1980s. Groups like UK Feminista and Go Feminist! believe it is important to include men in their events – because they need to be part of the solution.

While some spaces should still be "women only", I agree it's time that men are allowed into our conferences so that they learn something – if only they listen for long enough to hear what is being said. Often, men still continue to dominate debates in feminist gatherings – even though this was one of the original reasons for us organising autonomously.

It's great that men are becoming sensitive to the power they exercise over women, and hold it in check. We should celebrate them showing their solidarity to women, fending off sexual assault and violence, even if you would have thought that any demonstration of male solidarity would be surprising enough not to require further gimmicks. But during the 16 days of activism against gender violence campaign, which is taking place between 25 November and 10 December this year, men in Toronto came up with a new tactic, "Walk a mile in her shoes", in which men walk a mile in women's stilettos.

This has morphed into "These Heels are made for walking" in Britain – awareness-raising marches held in Hebden Bridge by the White Ribbon campaign, and by local councils in Peterborough and Bromsgrove & Redditch. I asked the UK organisers why they had chosen high heels. Wasn't there a danger of perpetuating the stereotype of giddy-headed women addicted to the kind of fashion items that make them more vulnerable? Bev Houghton of Redditch was at pains to point out that there was no compulsion for men to wear heels – they could walk in flip-flops, bedroom slippers or trainers.

The photos do indeed reveal a variety of footwear. In any case, the local shoe shop that donated high heels for the event could not supply more than 15 pairs of women's shoes in sizes large enough, which restricted the number of men participating. And there I was, wondering what had happened to their commitment.

It seemed to be mostly women who were involved in organising these events. Can't men get up and do this for themselves? Again, Houghton thought this was purely coincidental. She proudly announced that they had both male and female domestic violence workers, who worked with both genders. Did she mean that men worked with women victims of violence? Yes, she confirmed, we are very gender neutral here. She rushed to add that of course, they don't see both the men and women together. Phew! They still recognise the importance of safe spaces for women; but gender neutrality is spreading like a virus through state services, and weakening the fight to tackle violence against women.

Pragna Patel of Southall Black Sisters, which took Ealing council to a judicial review to establish the importance of specialist services such as theirs, believes that "this is a serious, serious problem. When the state latches on to these issues, it depoliticises and corporatises them."

This raises the wider question of whether local councils should become involved in campaigning. At one level, it might be desirable that they have an understanding of gender politics, but time and again they leach it of its radical edge. This is not to deny that a minority of men suffer violence and will need services, but to assert that it mainly affects women. How else can we explain that the 16 days devoted to women becomes gender neutral when local councils get their hands on them?

For this reason, I much prefer the politics of the Bromsgrove and Redditch campaign: "These hands are not for hurting." This re-focuses our attention on the origins of violence, rather than appearing to mock those whose shoes we are meant to be filling.

• This article was amended on 13 December 2012. It originally listed London Feminist Network alongside UK Feminista and Go Feminist! as a group that includes men in its events. In fact, the only large mixed event London Feminist Network organises is its Feminism in London conference. This has now been corrected