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It’s the last Sunday of 2018 and time to “flASHback” on the year’s news that amused and confused. Read more

It’s the last Sunday of 2018 and time to “flASHback” on the year’s news that amused and confused:

>> The state terrified citizens by accidentally warning of a nuclear missile attack, then said it wasn’t Gov. David Ige’s job to issue a timely correction. And he was outstanding in not doing that job.

>> The 2018 Legislature left a legacy of “Frankenbills,” gut-and-replace measures and a record 77 political fundraisers shaking down lobbyists. Some things money can’t buy; the Hawaii Legislature isn’t one of them.

>> University of Hawaii researchers got $1 million to study Waimea Valley’s microbes, which they said shouldn’t be called germs. Microbes are sensitive, like parasites that don’t like to be called politicians.

>> After blowing the missile crisis, Ige rushed to the Big Island as Pele vented lava in Puna and toxic ash from Kilauea’s summit. He offered to appease the volcano goddess by sacrificing Colleen Hanabusa.

>> The city trumpeted a new financial model for rail, dubbed P3. Unfortunately, it sounded a lot like the old model: plunder, profit and prevaricate.

>> Mayor Kirk Caldwell admitted he doesn’t know how the city will pay for rail operating costs, but said, “I have faith.” The only way faith pays for this boondoggle is if the next mayor is the Rev. Creflo A. Dollar.

>> Ige came back from 20 points down in the polls to defeat Hanabusa in the Democratic primary, then dispatched Republican Andria Tupola in the general election. It was a hair-raising journey from dead duck to lame duck.

>> Josh Green was elected lieutenant governor with the help of $1 million from a Carpenters Union super PAC, then named a Carpenters lobbyist as his chief of staff. He could be the first future governor bought on layaway.

>> Ed Case was returned to Congress and said feuding Democrats and Republicans should “sit down at tables like adults.” As long as they bring a highchair for the president.

>> U.S. Sen. Mazie Hirono was criticized for saying of Republican colleagues, “F*** them!” It dispelled criticism that she’s long-winded, anyway.

>> U.S. Sen. Brian Schatz introduced legislation to promote more government use of artificial intelligence. It’s certainly an improvement over authentic ignorance.

>> Prosecutors accused Katherine Kealoha, wife of former Police Chief Louis Kealoha, of spending more than $20,000 — some stolen from her grandmother — on an affair with her secret Big Island boyfriend. Do we classify the crime as white collar, blue collar or lipstick on the collar?

>> Hawaii’s pocked and congested roads were named worst in the nation to drive by WalletHub. You really noticed it going 100 mph to outrun an atomic bomb.

>> A skunk with its head stuck in a yogurt cup was found at Honolulu Harbor. He was quarantined so authorities could determine whether he had rabies and which district he represented in the Legislature.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.