OPINION

Start by finding satisfaction in human contact, service, family and faith. Reach out, talk and turn away from rugged individualism.

Randy Essex | Detroit Free Press

Last week, bothered by yet another story of a middle-aged white guy with a dependable track record taking his own life, I shared my theory that the flip side of the American dream was a contributing factor.

That little white boys are taught by implication that, with all the advantages we have in society, if don't attain adequate material success and prestige, it's because we aren't smart enough or didn't work hard enough. We are failures.

The essay struck a chord, prompting widespread readership on the Detroit Free Press and USA TODAY, even being shared Monday morning by the Rev. Franklin Graham to his 7.5 million followers.

It's clear that, like me, a lot of people are troubled and puzzled that rising suicide rates are epidemic among white males, who account for a vastly disproportionate number of these tragedies.

Read more commentary:

Mostly men, from all over the country, emailed and posted on social media about the pressure they've felt, the loved ones they've lost — and, most importantly, the solutions they see.

Stopping the suicide epidemic

In writing about suicide, which to me most often is a painful mystery, solutions are elusive.

To that end, I'm sharing some of the ideas that readers sent in reaction to the piece. The common theme, of course, was to find satisfaction in human contact, service, family and faith. To reach out, to talk and turn away from material pursuit and rugged individualism.

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Here are some of the thoughts:

"What we may forget is that we are probably more loved and needed than we would ever think, and can benefit from making life better for ourselves and those around us by doing the little things. ... Give encouragement, make light of small failures, laugh with gusto and keep things in perspective." This was from a man who said that his father and his son committed suicide.

"I think in today’s world of finger pointing and lack of empathy for the human condition, open expression about challenges within different demographic groups expands our ability to relate to each other. I can definitely relate to feelings of embarrassment and shame for not 'achieving' the great possibilities created by the American dream," a female African-American physician wrote.

"It's interesting to read about those communities scattered about the globe where people live very long lives with a high degree of inner peace and well-being. Family, human connectivity, religion and values, a sense of purpose: these conditions seem to nurture resilience. They enable us to feel cared for, as though our lives matter."

"I read once that the cure for addiction is interpersonal communication. Talking to each other. It struck like a bell. Yes, that is the answer — because the problem is loneliness, keeping secrets, not being reminded that life gets better," from a former meth addict.

From the Rev. Graham: God's promised "abundant life is vastly more important than the 'American dream' that research says is putting so much pressure on men."

"Real change can only occur when parents have candid conversations with their children about what’s really important in life: God, family and friends."

Each instance of suicide is different. As noted in the original piece, research shows that most cases involved mental illness, diagnosed or not. But that's not unique to white men, nor does gun ownership explain the difference.

Stocism, rugged individualism, the macho idea that we must be "providers" are toxins infused into our psyche in youth. A couple of black men wrote to me that family and faith were instilled in them as critical values, echoing the common theme.

I'll add a trick I've been taught: Take time each day (even writing it down) to list 10 things for which you are grateful in that moment. Gratitude drives away fear and resentment and shows us how rich our lives really are.

I'll close with my favorite reader note:

"Mr. Essex, I assume you're still waiting to become a success."

That depends entirely on how you define it.

Suicide Lifeline: If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time of day or night or chat online.

Randy Essex is a senior news director at the Detroit Free Press, where this column originally appeared. Follow him on Twitter @randyessex.

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April political cartoons from the USA TODAY network