VAUGHAN, ONT – Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer has laid out his party’s plan to help more Canadians buy homes in Canada’s often prohibitively expensive real estate market by extending the current 25-year limit for mortgages to 1000 years.

“Younger Canadians are struggling to afford homes,” Scheer said as he unveiled the Conservative housing plan during a campaign stop. “In lieu of tackling the root causes of Canada’s housing crisis, for example, that our economy treats housing as an investment rather than a basic necessity, we’re instead introducing a 1000-year amortization period for first time home buyers.”

While 100-year mortgages have been tried in other countries, Canada would be the first to measure mortgage terms in millennia. Experts point out that extending the terms of a mortgage results in higher amounts of interest being paid to the bank and a greater chance that the borrower might lose money if they have to sell unexpectedly, but the Conservatives believe the rewards far outweigh the risks.

“We calculate that extending mortgages to this length will save the average first time home buyer nearly sixty dollars a month,” Scheer said. “That’s a month’s worth of Tim Hortons’ coffee right there.”

“And just picture the look on your great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandchild’s face when they finally make that last payment to the giant robot, collection of sentient nano-particles, or alien hybrid who will control whatever has replaced banks in the 31st century.”

In the same campaign speech Scheer also promised to change the financial stress test, an assessment designed to keep borrowers from taking on more debt than they can handle, to a less onerous pinky swear system.