LABOUR spin doctors are puzzled as to how they can possibly use the pig sex thing to make David Cameron look bad.

Party strategists are hopeful the story can be turned to their advantage, but admit that scoring political points will test their skills to the limit.

Media adviser Tom Logan said: “I keep going over the facts – a pig’s head, a gang of whooping Oxbridge lordlings, David Cameron’s exposed penis – and my instinct is telling me, there must be something here we can use. But what?

“Maybe the pig wasn’t certified free range organic? They’ll hate that in Nuneaton.”

Labour PR guru Nikki Hollis added: “If we want voters to trust us again, we have to present a realistic alternative to having oral sex with a dead pig.

“I’m an experienced media professional but, for the life of me, I just can’t think what it could be.”

Hollis stressed that other news stories, such as swingeing cuts to child benefits, were not relevant to the pig sex thing, so her party would probably not bother talking about them.