I want to talk to you about The Handy https://www.thehandy.com/, Male masturbator.

But first… I’m proud to say I have stuck my privates in majority of the electronic sex toys out there to this day. The Real Touch, The Vorze, The Launch, Electro stim machines, amazon based cheap crap, you name it, I have put my dick in it, ha. Some of those choices were questionable, some landed me in the hospital… ANYTHING FOR A BETTER ORGASM! (although still haven’t tried a milkingmachine, because holy price tag batman and I don’t own cows)

Now before the Real Touch, I didn’t even comprehend what robotic sex toys could be capable of.

Let’s just say if that company didn’t go under, social distancing would be a much easier sell to the world. That being said, to this day I kept feeling as though the sex toys since that one have been getting worse and worse. Going for the “safe route” versus the innovative route. I mean sticking a Fleshlight inside a motor that goes up and down is sometimes worse than just using it by hand… looking at you Launch!

Well… ladies and gentlemen, mostly gentlemen, unless you are a lady who wants to relentlessly destroy their man with a machine equivalent to a woman’s version of this:

We have a new challenger!

When I say this thing is relentless I am not fucking around here. This little machine will go up from 0-10 strokes PER SECOND. Let that sink in for a second… additionally due to the way it is made it doesn’t matter what size you are, you can strap in and just go.

Regardless of how many orgasms you THOUGHT were possible in a day, the Handy will rip one more from your mind, body, and soul! The crazy part is… you will thank it.

The Presentation:

Unlike my experiences with the prior sex toys, this is smaller, quieter, and uses things that look inviting for me to stick my member in. At no point did I look at this and go, hmmm, all signs point to this will end up bloody or my dick telling me “DO NOT PUT ME IN THERE!”. (i.e. the Real Touch first experience)

Actually the whole thing is so goddamn simple and inviting, it is amazing how innovative and brilliant it is! It doesn’t re-invent the wheel, but it finds the best wheels and strings them together to make a Ferrari.

All The Parts:

The Sleeve

It uses a Tenga like sleeve that is soft and clear (and from every experience I have had with those eggs, I knew this was a good direction). For those who are not aware of what a Tenga sleeve is, here is an assortment:

Now here is the Handy Sleeve:

Same soft materials yet stronger in a sense that the Tenga’s tend to wear down at the top due to stretching where as this is reinforced. (in a non painful way haha)

The simple but effective Velcro strap!

Then to get the sleeve attached to the device there is a Velcro strap on the mechanical base. This allows one size to literally fit all.

The genius part here is that not only does this make attaching the sleeve to the device super easy, it makes CLEAN UP THE EASIEST THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED on an electronic sex toy. Release Velcro, remove sleeve, wash sleeve, dry sleeve. End.

As well this also allows you to play around with where the sleeve squeezes your member which will allow for different experiences each time you use the toy. Mind you there is a groove in the sleeve itself that fits perfectly with the strap, but you can use that as a guideline rather than a “it must go here”. I.E. Putting it more center on the sleeve makes you get more sensations to the head of your penis mimicking more of a hand-job or blowjob experience, placing it at the bottom makes a more “sex like” experience.

The only downside to this that I can see is the Velcro piece is so tiny that if can come undone mid session quite easy making you have to stop and re attach it.

What it is:

What it should be:

As well due to the cloth nature of the strap, lube will get on it and it will need to be cleaned if that happens. The cloth is fine IMO, but making the Velcro larger and stronger would be a must in my opinion. This is a replaceable part for sure on this item, as it will be the first thing to get worn out other than the sleeve. So adjustments should be quite straight forward.

Then we have the base.

Can we talk about simplicity for a moment? This is like the iPhone of sex toys. It is light weight, slim, quiet, and just simple, with a few buttons to adjust manual settings, wifi, and power.

This is the opposite approach of the obelisk Launch by Fleshlight that weighs 50 lbs and is larger than a desktop PC, and my god is it welcome.

Now that doesn’t mean it is infallible, due to the slim size, that means the sleeve itself is exposed and that makes figuring out how to position it on yourself a bit difficult at first. Especially because it is not wireless charged and needs to be plugged into the wall (which honestly, I like, because I have already giving this thing a 3 hour session without worrying about battery and the power cord is HUGE!)

What I found is you will want to rest the device above your member and below your belly.

This way it doesn’t snag anything you are sitting on when using. You can also tily and such to change positions, but it is best when just positioned straight out from your torso. Or if lying down straight up. All in all, I didn’t mind the exposed sleeve as much as I thought I would. It ended up not even being a thought once I understood how to secure the Velcro and adjust the sleeve properly. That brings us to:

Ease of Use:

I would say as it is now, the instruction manual is lacking. There is no app for the device so everything is done by connecting it to your internet wifi and then having a web browser open. It then assigns a number to your device if you want to use their website for easy re-connection, but you better screenshot that number or write it down, because otherwise you are SoL. I wrote mine down thankfully but if you don’t I am pretty sure you may need to reset the device.(I have asked and will confirm this when I get a response) Couldn’t find the info on their site here: https://www.handysetup.com/#!/wifi

It does explain how to put the sleeve on and how to attach the device but a lot of it is kinda messing around yourself and trying to figure it out. So I would say they would benefit from a dedicated website section for setup.

I am tech savvy and I have been having the time of my life, but I also know I am not your average Joe when it comes to this stuff, so some may struggle. Especially when it comes to loading custom content.

Virtual Content and Company Roots:

Ok these two don’t usually go together, but I have to in their case. This is not a huge company, this is a smaller startup that is just now starting to get traction in a very saturated industry of money used to shut down startups. That needs to be mentioned because these guys are awesome. I say this because before I even reached out about a review, I found out about them because they were posting on two obscure websites that I follow: Milovana and RealTouchScripts

Milovana is the place where “Cock Hero” was born. A porn genre that gives you a beat meter like Guitar Hero and you are trying to make it to the end of the video without cumming by following the guided beats (one stroke per beat). It can get intense, and is also super innovative.

Anyway, the devs made an appearance in this niche website to talk about how their device could handle the faster beats of Cock Hero. As of now the Launch is the only toy that can “sort of” Handle these videos but has to be slowed down compared to what you can do with your hand due to the machines limits. But not the Handy. This thing can do up to 10 beats per second! That is CRAZY. So obviously people were interested in being able to play these games by having a machine do the work for them to see if they could “truly last to the end”.

Then RealTouchScripts is where the first mech sex toy the Real Touch is where scripts and coders came together to make crowd sourced sex scripts for their favorite pornhub videos etc. There are paid and free scripts. It is the Github for sex toy scripting. It is amazing how that community has grown, and low and beyond, they have introduced themselves there as well working with the community to make existing scripts accessible and cross compatible with their device through their web portal: https://www.handyfeeling.com/home

Not only does this allow you to import any of the thousands of scripts into their site, it allows your device to be remotely controlled by someone else. The posibilities are endless here. Now, I will say: you can tell 100% by their “own content” that they are in Beta and this is no where near complete. But what they have works brilliantly if you know how to download videos and script to your PC. There are tons of tutorials on Realtouchscripts as well for those curious.

But as of now you cannot go to PornHub and just connect to “interactive” videos and let it play. So if you are not into DIY custom content you may find this lacking content. You can still use it manually however, but that may be a “maybe I should wait” for some people. Personally I think the learning curve is not bad and their website actually saves the scripts people upload (crowd-sourced) so it can automatically find the scripts for many existing videos already!

So to sum that up: you can plug and play about 10 videos, but if you want more, you will need to learn a few things, but once learned, you will have access to over 1000 custom scripts by talented scripters and the potential of this device to get adopted by major websites like Pornhub depends on it’s success. So MAKE IT SUCCESSFUL!

As well the company seems to have the right intentions and go get em attitude to do the leg work to really get this thing going and propagated with content for you! So while they are still relatively new to the space, they have a winning product on their hands that once more widely adopted, should fill in the gaps organically.

Now.. my PERSONAL EXPERIENCE THUS FAR:

Usually these sex toys all have one thing in common: they make you double guess your life choices as you stick your member into a dark hole powered by electricity and hope for the best as you hit the power button.

The only time I ever had a slight…” hmmm I should stop” moment in my brain was my 3rd orgasm during a 3 hour session, when the machine was starting to get “slightly” hot at the bottom where the mechanics are and rest on you. But even then the machine started to tell me “Ok Ron Jeremy, chill the fuck out” by limited my wifi connection and cutting the power here and there to give the machine a cool-down period. But it took over 3 hours of continuous use for it to need 10 seconds of cooldown. WTF. And yes, I took it for another test run after that as well. 4 orgasms one day, a total of 3-5 hours. I had to drink 5 gallons of water after and take 6 naps. But my god, I haven’t gotten that much pleasure with so little effort since before college as a pre-pubescent teen.

This little guy rips. It doesn’t know what stop means. And it convinces you you don’t either. You go from “hmmm I kinda wanna masturbate today” to “In Soviet Russia Handy Masturbate You!”

Honestly I have never been so excited to masturbate before in my life. The thing hardly needs any lube to stay nice and smooth during the entire experience, which is a PLEASURE, because I am running low thanks to the Corona Virus Amazon delivery issues! And I am rationing for my 4 orgasm sessions! I am telling you one squirt of a water based lube allowed me to go non stop for 2-3 hours. Not one bit of my pee pee was chaffed or hurt. If anything it was begging for more even after orgasm. I was like, OK… OK… seriously… I need a damn sandwich and a gallon of water before, and it yelled at me for being a puss. Like what the hell!

You think I am kidding… I haven’t been this excited about a sex toy since the Real Touch and that thing had multiple warming bits, a belt system, a fake mouth squeezing mechanism, and lube dispensing area. But my god that thing would shred your skin if you weren’t careful or went for more than 10 minutes.

But because of keeping it simple with materials and sleeves, we have this pleasant soft pillow of a fake vagina that due to it’s bumps and curves just massages you in all the right ways. I would be amazed if it didn’t reverse erectile dysfunction.

I dunno who designed the sleeve, but it is genius. It feels like sex during the sex scenes. It feels like a blowjob during the blowjob scenes, and it feels like a hand-job during the hand-job scenes. Shit it even feels like the exact location in which that action is happening due to the amazing range of motion the Handy has. It can be teasing the tip, deep throat the base, stroking the whole shaft. It just convinces your mind, that what you see is happening in your pants. Fuck as I write this I wanna go for a quickly! haha, nooo must complete this review so others can get through this quarantine with a huge smile on their face and drained balls like me!

To all the women who are like, I WANT ONE!

First off you have soo many options for amazing toys, let us have this moment, but, I would HIGHLY recommend this toy to women who may get tired every now and again due to dating a man who may not be a 1-2 pump, and still want to pleasure their significant other, because this thing will get the job done no matter what the circumstance. This could save many many women’s jaws and biceps.

This would also make an amazing long distance toy! Spice up that travel life.. or for quarantines… Seriously the remote features are simple and to the point. There is a lot of potential here!

However the current layout needs more. First off it needs “Presets”. Think: Fast | Medium | Slow | Tease | Edge | Torture | Cum | etc so the person controlling it can click a button like a soundboard to control all sliders. Just like during sex, the less thinking needed the more it just flows, the more you need to answer complicated questions beyond, yes or no, the more you stress out the situation.

If you are the kinkier type, you could really use this thing to play around with the new craze “post orgasm torture”. Being tied down and forced into this thing, would be fucking hot while simultaneously scary as hell.

Suggestions:

Things I believe that could enhance this toy further down the road:

Different Sleeves . One particular sleeve idea is one that gets tighter up at the top so that when it pushes down on you, the head gets more sensations. So maybe the bottom is the current width but then the top is a skinnier tube like the bottom or even a cone shape. You can achieve something “like this” by attaching the Velcro up higher than the recommended spot and it feels great so a sleeve like this would be amazing. Call it the Deep Throat.

. One particular sleeve idea is one that gets tighter up at the top so that when it pushes down on you, the head gets more sensations. So maybe the bottom is the current width but then the top is a skinnier tube like the bottom or even a cone shape. You can achieve something “like this” by attaching the Velcro up higher than the recommended spot and it feels great so a sleeve like this would be amazing. Call it the Deep Throat. More content for beginners and honestly people who just wanna be lazy. We spoke about this up top, but it needs to be re-said, the content needs to be easier to access for this to take off with the everyday Joe already nervous about dropping money on a sex toy.

We spoke about this up top, but it needs to be re-said, the content needs to be easier to access for this to take off with the everyday Joe already nervous about dropping money on a sex toy. An App: An easy way for you to play with this with your sig other, instead of a web interface as well as a unified place to go for all firmware etc. I did ask them about this and they are not planning to make one until VR, but I still believe an app allows for a more concise setup process and guidance than the current website with a lot of binary looking graphics. Yikes… this would scare away most people.

An easy way for you to play with this with your sig other, instead of a web interface as well as a unified place to go for all firmware etc. I did ask them about this and they are not planning to make one until VR, but I still believe an app allows for a more concise setup process and guidance than the current website with a lot of binary looking graphics. Included Lube Tester. Just a quality of life thing in the package.

Just a quality of life thing in the package. A white version: The black gets marked quickly by any lube spills.

The black gets marked quickly by any lube spills. A Larger Velcro/Stronger Velcro Tab: as it is now it comes off too easily.

as it is now it comes off too easily. A second Velcro Strap included in the box: as it will need to be replaced pretty quickly IMO.

Conclusions:

If you are looking for a company that cares about your masturbation, look no further, The Handy, is hands down(har har) the best mechanical masturbator on the market today to connect and interact with your favorite porn. It reaches speeds recently unheard of for a male masturbation device not attached to a power tool. It uses simple materials tried and true to elevate your masturbation experience. It is inexpensive. Easy to clean. Quiet… seriously. And not something so big you need to put flowers in it on the table to hide it.

The devs of this toy care, are involved in the community, and are truly invested in their passion, so investing in your satisfaction by purchasing this item, helps them to push this to new limits. So without a doubt, I recommend this toy. NOW. Do not wait. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$. Spend the 150 and never look back. Backed by a 1 year warranty and 15 day free trial(P.S. I asked what happens to those 15 day free trial units and they use them for R and D then recycle them, phew), what else do you need?

Oh why not an open API to make it so users and third parties can make an endless possibility of content for it as they already have begun!

I am telling you all, if you have never tried a sex toy, this is the one, if you have the Launch, throw it away and get this. You will never want a Fleshlight again. This is as close to perfect as they get, with room to get even better!

I have always been intrigued by sex toys. Mostly my intrigue comes from Women’s sex toys. The main reason being, I find it interesting that Women have toys where they literally can just sit, stand, or lay down with said toy and let it do all the work.

Men on the other hand have a much smaller selection of sex toys available for them and most of them require a lot of effort. Now I don’t know about you but I have always wanted a sex toy that did all the work for me like a woman’s did! I didn’t want to tire out my arm with a toy. The idea of the word TOY itself means FUN, not work!

WAIT WAIT WAIT… why the hell is there the start of a sex toy review on a Tech site?!?!?!

Oh, give me a break, you are trying to tell me if you grew up in my generation you didn’t fill over half your harddrive with PORN and the other half with games? Pfftt lying sack of…. I digress. But on a serious note this thing is made of future. The tech to create this is just impressive and lends itself to our constant obsessions with the latest video card upgrades and the like.