HARTFORD, CT—Having witnessed yet another incandescent bulb burn out just months after being screwed in, a 60-watt LED light bulb told reporters Wednesday that it is coming to terms with the fact that it will most likely outlive every last one of its friends. “It used to be so shocking to see every light around me gasp and sputter out so suddenly, but I’ve come to accept that I’ll still be here long after they’ve all been replaced,” said the energy-efficient bulb, noting that it has already outlived dozens of unsuspecting wire filament models it has become acquainted with during its time in an upright floor lamp and adding that it “never gets any easier” to witness its fellows buzzing in panic and wavering in brightness before finally going dark with a sickening popping sound, powerless to stop the senseless obliteration. “Some of these bulbs aren’t gonna make it much longer, and I feel kind of guilty that I’ll be glowing bright long after they’re gone. I guess that’s just something I’m going to have to get used to, though. What a bummer.” At press time, the LED bulb was looking on in horror as its owner removed a low-quality bulb from a nearby ceiling fan fixture, shook it near his ear, and unceremoniously tossed it into the garbage.


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