Thanks to a lot of trail and error, I’ve learned that, in my relationships, I like freedom. Like, REALLY like it. My love language is being left to do the things I wanna do, mostly because I don’t like the feeling of being a burden.

My girlfriend likes do little things for me, like cook or buy me little gifts. Cute right? Yeah of course it is, but I hate it. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I blame my mom.

Its not official, but my mom is the nicest human being in the world. Spend 3 seconds with her, and her energy and personality would have you convinced too. The problem is, she used to do a lot for me and I always hated it. I wanted her to do less and others to do more. Not me obviously, other people. I’m lazy.

Freud’s idea of transference is probably at play here. Transference is when you shift strong feelings for someone from your childhood to someone else. Were you overprotective of a younger sibling and are now overprotective of some friends? Were you always fighting for your parents attention and now compete with classmates for the teacher’s approval? Were you scared of one of your parents and now avoid getting in trouble with your boss at all costs? Go to therapy. Or at least, take a long look in the mirror.

You should know, transference is common in therapy too. What if I was always ignored and struggled to connect with others? You bet your ass I’d bring that stuff into the relationship with my therapist. Therapists (are supposed to) pick up on this and use it understand your past relationships. What if I share how awesome I am and the therapist falls in love with me? That’s called Counter-Transference. Flattering but not good.

So should I stop my girlfriend from doing nice things for me or should I view my relationship as a blank slate without my past relationship baggage? I don’t know but the 1st option feels easier.

I have forbid her from doing nice things for me and yet, she won’t stop insisting. She doesn’t care about the psychological effect she’s having on me. Its not fair. I’m not gonna give in and beat her ass like her father used to. Just kidding, her dad never beat her, it was her mom.

I’m a weird and lucky guy.