What about the latest from Adam and Jane, the nation's favourite couple, then? You know, Adam and Jane – Nick from My Family and his weird succubus lady friend – using BT's Home Hub to facilitate their creepy relationship since 2006. Don't call it a comeback, but back they have come.

In the latest instalment, Jane's daughter Lucy talks to her real father on the phone, but the swine is always on his mobile between meetings, working at the job he hates to pay child support and the crippling alimony payments Jane got out of the divorce settlement. "He's always on his mobile!" Lucy complains. "It's like he just doesn't want to talk to me." After some brilliant emotional blackmail, patron saint of passive aggression Jane convinces a possibly suicidal daddy that true love can only be expressed through a BT landline. Later that evening, the guilt-racked father talks to Lucy; a real conversation on a proper phone. He's listening to his daughter for possibly the first time; life finally feels good again.

Suddenly, in a fit of Mean Girls sadism, Lucy blurts out, "Mum's getting married to Adam!" Mummy spits out a mouthful of the £500-a-bottle South African wine absent dad's ulcer-inducing job paid for, and daddy's face starts to resemble Munch's The Scream. BT's subtext is clear. "Put this in your iPhone, nimrod: your daughter hates you, mobiles make you infertile, and your one true love is marrying Kris Marshall. Have you got an app for that? HAVE YOU?"

In a scene we don't see, daddy repeatedly bangs his head against the phone, quietly crying "Why?" That'll teach him to use technology to keep in touch with his loved ones.

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