Womb watch actually started a few weeks ago. I was pretty revolted when people started talking about how “chunky” Meghan looked in a leather pencil skirt on a visit to Sussex. For the royals, any woman with any kind of tummy either signals an appetite beyond all control (Fergie) or, more usually, that they are doing their duty and breeding in captivity.

Don’t get me wrong: babies, happy couples, people being in love – I am not untouched by these events. Or I am touched for all of 10 seconds. I mean, well done, Harry, for having sex with your lovely wife! His virility is being praised as though he has special super-speed sperm. Is this discussion of pregnancy tasteful? Of course not, but don’t come to me, a republican – or, indeed, most so-called monarchists – for good taste.

Actually, the voyeurism is horrible. God knows, some papers would print a scan if they could. As I said at the time of the wedding, as lovely as Meghan is, as open as Harry has been about struggling with mental health issues, this marriage was a retrograde moment, because the monarchy is an archaic institution that functions to enshrine hereditary privilege. That is its raison d’etre; adding dual heritage celeb-charisma does not change that.

So, Meghan can now be ogled and scrutinised more than ever, every move she makes will be checked. Did she wear that coat at thingy’s wedding (yeah, I care that much) to overshadow her? Is the Duchess of Cambridge, as some now say, furious with jealousy that she has been knocked off the fecundity ladder? What will the child be called? I am thinking it might not be Thomas or Moon Unit.

All of this is utter nonsense, but exactly the kind of nonsense that knocks the dismal lifelessness of Brexit off the front pages.

An actual BAYBEE. Seventh in line to the throne. A child of an American immigrant, funded by taxpayers. Rejoice, new England. Poor Meghan will not be able to make the normal choices women make. The hospital, the nannies and the names will all be decided for her. She will be bombarded with unsolicited advice, as all pregnant women are. Should she be wearing those heels? Getting on a plane? There is already a sudden mad concern about Zika. Should she actually leave the palace? I am not convinced she should.

Let’s just hope that, unlike the surrendered Kate, she is not made to give birth and pose fully styled-up a few hours later. A strange and unusual torture. For Meghan brings the Firm relaxed charm and a glimmer of modernity. In return, she has to wear awful beige tights and adhere to royal protocol.

This has meant a form of muting, but now look! The baby is due after the Brexit deadline of 29 March. A child for a new kingdom. Are you kidding me? It will take much more than that.

Some Scottish nationalists are equally unimpressed with the news. What a strange place we are living in right now. A new baby is good news. But whatever that baby represents, the ancien regime is losing its grip.

The Queen is very old. Will this new regeneration work? Charles will be king, remember.

Meanwhile, we have an impotent political class that is trapped in inertia. The country increasingly feels little connection to the old elites. And, even if this particular elite distracts us with a new and beautiful child, we still need bread, not just circuses.

So, lovely news, but surely the rebirth this nation needs is not a charming couple producing another little royal.