Reports from all over Gotham City indicate that nobody wants to deal with an emotional Batman.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

According to various sources and the statements of friends and associates, everyone unanimously agrees that it's really uncomfortable to talk to Batman on the day after Mother's Day. Though Batman is not known for his pleasant demeanor even on good days, residents of Gotham City, fellow crimefighters, and criminals all report a desire to avoid the Dark Knight in particular in the day or days following the sentimental American holiday.

"Sure, it hurts when Batman kicks the crap out of you any day of the year," admitted one petty Crime Alley thug who'd been accosted by Batman earlier today while trying to snatch a purse from an old woman. "But when his eyes glaze over and you see him mouthing the word 'mommy,' you know you're really in for some permanent damage."

Even Batman's friends say dealing with him on the day after Mother's Day can be a chore. "I just want to go out and catch The Riddler before he sets off a stink bomb at the First Bank of Gotham, but instead I end up sitting in the Batmobile outside the bank because Batman just feels like 'talking' for a little bit," admitted longtime associate of Batman, Dick Grayson. "I mean, we get it, Bruce. Your parents were killed when you were little. The same thing happened to me, but you don't see me obsessing over it all the time. Jesus, man. Get a grip!"

When asked, a surprisingly large number of Justice League members said that they planned to avoid eye contact with Batman at work today, and that they hoped the world won't be threatened by alien invasion or incursion of demonic forces from another dimension today, or preferably for the next several days, "until Batman gets his shit together."

"To be fair, he doesn't let it affect his performance. If anything, he beats up supervillains with even more enthusiasm," said Aquaman, revealing candid details of the inner workings of the League. "You can tell he's really making it personal. He broke Darkseid's jaw last year. The problem is afterward, when we can see his eye shadow is all runny, and we know he's been crying while fighting, and he knows that we know that, and we know that he knows that we know. Talk about awkward."

Even Batman's longtime friends like Commissioner Gordon don't want anything to do with the Caped Crusader around this time of the year. Sources inside the Gotham P.D. told The Outhouse that Gordon refuses to turn on the Bat Signal for the entire week after Mother's Day, no matter what kind of grave peril the city is in. On one memorable occasion three years ago, the Joker had taken over police headquarters with an army of wind-up clown robots and was threatening to execute hostages, but Gordon still refused to call for Batman, instead just decided to wait the Joker out. "We lost a lot of good men that day, but the Joker isn't known for his attention span, so by Thursday, we had the station back, and a lot of us got new offices," our source explained.

At press time, Batman's butler, Alfred, had reportedly asked for three days of paid leave to visit a sick relative in Coast City, but sources tell The Outhouse that he was actually just hiding out in a hotel downtown until the whole "Mother's Day" thing blows over. We'll keep you posted.