Wow, is it Christmas Eve already? It seems like only yesterday, we were taking down our lights and burning last year’s tree in honor of Lucifer. How time flies. Well, we better get out the milk and cookies, then. And a cold beer. And maybe that Thai stick of Chem Dawg I picked up from Sewer’s friend the other day.



Why? Because, my child, Tom Araya comes tonight. And if you’re not good little girls and boys, he’s going to fuck your life up.

That’s right, Virginia, Tom Araya is real, and he fucking rules. The lead singer of Slayer took over from Santa when Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick got the clap so bad his entire FUPA fell off. He lives in castle in the North Pole, where he works all year round building instruments and amplifiers for the good metalhead children of the world. A legion of imps does his bidding, keeping track of whether or not you’ve been a little shit this year, and Tom records it all in his Nasty and Nice lists.