Weld County's bid to divorce Colorado and form its own state is a powerful rebuke of Front Range interests that no longer align with rural parts of the state, supporters of the idea say. "The people of rural Colorado are mad, and they have every right to be," said U.S. Rep. Cory Gardner, a Republican from Yuma. "The governor and his Democrat colleagues in the statehouse have assaulted our way of life, and I don't blame these people one bit for feeling attacked and unrepresented by the leaders of our state." The plan to carve off the northeastern corner of the state — Weld, Morgan, Logan, Sedgwick, Phillips, Washington, Yuma and Kit Carson counties — and form the state of North Colorado was hatched at a Colorado Counties Inc. conference earlier this week, Weld County spokeswoman Jennifer Finch said.

Why do Republicans hate democracy This scheme doesn't stand a chance, obviously. It just points to what happens when conservatives don't get their way—they stomp and pout and whine, and then they start looking for ways to subvert our democracy.

Colorado has been a Democratic success story, from solid Red to Purplish-Blue in about a decade. I mean, Bob freakin' Dole won it the same year Bill Clinton won Arizona, Arkansas, Missouri, Kentucky, Louisiana, Tennessee and West Virginia. Now, the Democratic legislature and governor have passed a rash of good legislation, from the gun safety law that has spurred the recall of the Democratic state Senate president, to requirements that local power utilities get more of their power from renewable sources.

Apparently, "rural life" in this pocket of Colorado is all about 20-round rifle magazines and pollution.

Secession ain't going nowhere, but lucky for these folks, they have another option—they can pack up their Uhaul and move across the border to Nebraska. Or Kansas! That's two options. They can drive a little further and hit Oklahoma, if they want extra insurance that their wingnutty ways will be protected for generations. And if they want, I'd be happy to support them in a bid to carve out Dumbfuckistan from the Texas panhandle and western Oklahoma. As long as they build a dang fence and alligator-infested moat to keep them in to keep the browns out, of course.

To sweeten the deal, I'll even throw in an aircraft carrier, which they could park on Lake Meredith. That is, until global climate finally disappears it.