Following the success of a trial which launched last year, TransLink will be increasing the frequency of prerecorded “canned” messages on the SkyTrain system. Last year, the transportation authority launched a trial where prerecorded messages would automatically playback in stations and on-board trains at various intervals. The messages reminded passengers to hold on, refrain from blocking doors, and tap in and out.

“We have no idea how passengers managed to use the system for nearly 30 years without the guidance of a stern female voice,” said TransLink spokesman Ted Roberts during a press conference where the new announcements were unveiled.

The new messages will remind passengers to inhale, exhale, and blink. In addition, an ad for Head On will be included, who will sponsor the production of the new messages.

“We basically sat down and thought ‘What if all transit users were kindergarten children?’ and wrote the new messages around that,” explained Roberts.

“I am excited to provide the foundation for the basis of our society,” said Laureen Regan, who works as a librarian while not providing her stern voice for the announcements.

TransLink has considered the use of prerecorded messages as early as when the SkyTrain opened in 1986. Unfortunately, computer memory was extremely limited and could only store short recordings such as station names and the well-known three tone chime. Recent advances in technology have allowed much longer announcements.

“We are planning on downloading the entire theme song of Jaws to play when the doors close,” said Roberts.