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Bob Sarlatte hosted The Guardsmen’s Big Game Luncheon for 34 years in downtown San Francisco. A celebrated comic who made many appearances on “Late Night with David Letterman,” Sarlatte is a Cal man but showed no favoritism in his roasts, which, sadly, are no longer held.

Here are some prime examples of Big Game humor:

• “All the hype around Jared Goff has really been unfair to Stanford’s quarterback. If you go to their respective Wikipedia pages, for Jared, it says, ‘Heisman Trophy candidate.’ For Kevin Hogan, it says, ‘No relation to Hulk Hogan.’”

• “Jared, by the way, grew up in affluent (Marin County), where I was once pulled over for driving a Honda.”

• Prior to the remodeling in Strawberry Canyon: “There is no truth to the rumor that Memorial Stadium’s practice facilities are so old, the vending machines still sell mutton and grog. But they just came across Ben Hur’s jockstrap, and a janitor found a Christians versus Lions program.”

• “When I was playing ball here in the ’70s, the radical politics really affected the football team. We had a second-string fullback who was a transfer from the Symbionese Liberation Army.”

• “Back then, a lot of guys were experimenting with ‘controlled substances.’ I remember the left guard spent his entire senior year laughing at a ‘knock knock’ joke.”

• Singling out Cal head coach Keith Gilbertson, an especially large man, in 1993: “Hey, Keith’s a pretty excitable guy. Every time he jumps up, it’s six points — on the Richter scale.”

• When Stanford coach David Shaw was a no-show: “Folks, I don’t get it. We can get a Pope to come to America, but we can’t get the head Cardinal to come to the Fairmont.”

Back to Gallery Big Game jokes: The best — and worst — of Cal,... 8 1 of 8 Photo: Santiago Mejia / The Chronicle 2 of 8 Photo: Paul Chinn / The Chronicle 2012 3 of 8 Photo: Icon Sports Wire / Corbis/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images 4 of 8 Photo: Paul Sakuma / AP 5 of 8 Photo: PAUL SAKUMA / Associated Press 6 of 8 Photo: Lance Iversen / The Chronicle 7 of 8 Photo: Mark J. Terrill / AP 8 of 8 Photo: Carlos Avila Gonzalez / The Chronicle















A few more jokes from others:

• Captioning a photo of bearded Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck: “Playing for Stanford — so easy, a caveman can do it.”

• “What do medical marijuana and Cal football have in common? They both get smoked in bowls.”

• “Did you hear about the Stanford man who won a gold medal at the Olympics? He liked it so much, he decided to get it bronzed.”

• “Nibs, King, Stub, Bum, Pappy — did any of those old Cal coaches have actual names?”

• Regarding the sprawling A-frame at the end of Stanford’s Main Quad: “Welcome to Taco Bell.”

• “What’s the difference between a litter of puppies and Cal fans? Eventually the puppies grow up and stop whining.”

• “Ask if they’ve ever seen an element called ‘Stanfordium’ on the periodic table. When they say no, Cal boosters just say, ‘Exactly.’”

• “Sure, I got into Stanford. but I went to Cal. Because who would want to be a tree for the next four years?”

• “You leave your Big Game seat a few minutes before halftime to avoid long lines in the men’s room. Amazingly, you’re the only guy using one of the 20 stalls. Then somebody comes in and sets up right next to you. Stanford guy.”

• And the follow-up: “As the Stanford man finishes, he turns to the Cal man and says, ‘At Stanford, they teach us to wash our hands after we go to the bathroom.’ A couple of seconds later, as the Stanford man is washing his hands, the Cal man walks past him and says, ‘At Cal, they teach us how to avoid peeing on our hands.’”

— Bruce Jenkins