14weekspp Sun 05-Jan-20 08:57:53

My SIL has still not visited our 8 month old. I was always of the opinion that when a baby is born, friends and family should visit, unless there's some specific reason why they can't. Or is it normal for the mother to have to ask to visit others (this seems to be what's expected by both SIL and MIL)?

Many and various excuses have been made, until finally things came to a head at Christmas and now DP and SIL aren't speaking because of this. Her main excuse is that she is unwell. She has had a genuine illness which began around 1.5 years ago. However, she has, since it started, gone back to work full time, and makes several trips down to where we live per year for work. The last trip was an event that took place about 5 miles from our house. She said nothing about it and we didn't find out until recently. She has also been on a foreign holiday since our baby was born, getting on a five hour flight.

The final straw was that she arranged a Christmas getaway with the rest of the family, but specifically excluding us. This was planned some distance from her house, so travelling is clearly not an issue for her.

I really have tried to see things from her perspective but I can't. Is there something I'm missing? My MIL is fully defending her and says that her work is more important than seeing her niece. It's all quite shocking to me. We even said recently that we were willing to go and see her, but have received no invitation. No response to that. AIBU?