Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack



Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman



You're not too smart, are you? I like that in a man. - Kathleen Turner



Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford



You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck



A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier



The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore



To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner



A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow



When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon



Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather



How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman



A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen



Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman



I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield



It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein



Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius. - Matthew McConaughey



The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker



The key to making things affordable is design and technology improvements, as well as scale. - Elon Musk



Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee



Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright



A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries



The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker



I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright



If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler



If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard



Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people. - Donald Trump



There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino



With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street. - Dr. Seuss



I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright



If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates



Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor



My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck



Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin



If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams



Never design your character like a garden where anyone can walk. Design your character like the sky where everyone's desire is to reach. - Unknown



Don't lie. Life is a puzzle and we are all unique pieces. When you lie, you make it impossible to find your true place in the grand design. - Steve Maraboli



My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz



When I studied graphic design, I learned a valuable lesson: There's no perfect answer to the puzzle, and creativity is a renewable resource. - Biz Stone



When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright



