Well this is awkward. I have spent the last two years talking about our family farm and how much I love my cows. If you were to read what I've previously written in the Guardian and on my blog, I hope that you would understand my deep love for the cows in my care, "my girls".

That being said, sometimes I am mean to my cows. If you were to ask me if I have ever hit one of my cows, I couldn't tell you no without lying.

I am going to let you in on a secret, Peta and Mercy For Animals have shown you some truth in their undercover videos on dairy farms. The truth is, sometimes as a dairy farmer, I am mean to my cows.

In order to explain, I think it's time we talk about "down" cows. A down cow is a cow that is sick or injured and is laying down and can't or won't get up. A down cow is the kind of thing that will make your day go from great to very bad in short order. A down cow isn't just something that happens on a dairy farm, beef cows can go down out on pasture, organic cows go down. If it's a cow, it can go down.

A cow can go down for about a million reasons. It can be that she hurt her leg and doesn't want to put weight on it to get up. It can be because she just had a calf and during delivery she pinched a nerve. A cow can be down because after calving, she has a calcium imbalance that needs to be corrected. There are lots of reasons for a cow to go down.

So what's the big deal if a cow goes down? A cow is a big animal, I think we can all agree on that right? When a cow lays down for long periods of time, all of her weight rests on her legs. Her legs start to lose circulation, and as they lose circulation they become weak. A cow needs strong legs to lift her hefty frame up. The longer a cow is down the less chance there is of her ever getting bak up. A down cow that doesn't get up becomes a dead cow.

Then how do you get a down cow up? This is where I will admit, I have been mean to my cows. But before you jump to the conclusion that I am a horrible person, let's look at the facts.

Lifting a 'down cow' with a skid loader. Photograph: Carrie Mess

Undercover animal rights videos like to show cows being yelled at and hit, having cattle prods used on them, being dragged along the ground or being lifted with skid loaders or other heavy equipment. I will fully admit that I have done every one of those things.

The reason why? You have to get a cow on her feet if she is going to live.

When we have a down cow, the first thing we do is ask her to get up. If she doesn't try to get up, we know we have to try harder.

When asking and gentle encouragement doesn't work, I try to scare the cow. As evidenced by their lack of talons, fangs and upper teeth, a cow is a prey animal. Prey animals operate on the fight or flight mentality, preferring flight whenever possible. A cow doesn't want to fight with something scary, a cow wants to run away.

So, I yell and holler. I act aggressive. Sometimes, I'll smack harder. When that doesn't work, I know that I have to try even harder to get her up. The next step is to use the cattle prod.

A cattle prod delivers a painful electric shock; it hurts. It's not a shock that will incapacitate you like a taser, but it's not a gentle nuzzle from a puppy nose either. I have never been hit by one and I really don't want to know what it feels like, but if it was a choice between dying and getting hit by a cattle prod charge? I hope the batteries are fresh!

When the cattle prod doesn't work, we get the skid loader. We will use a hip lift to lift the cow and allow her legs to regain circulation. When a cow weighs from a half-ton to a ton, it takes heavy equipment to lift her.

When a cow goes down in a place where she is blocking other cows or is at risk of being stepped on by other cows, you have to move her. In a perfect world, we roll her onto a sled and drag the sled with the cow on it to a better place, but life isn't perfect. In the past, cows that I have been nursing through an illness will walk into the milking parlor, lay down and refuse to get up. There is no way to get a sled or equipment to lift the cow into the parlor. That's when we have to drag the cow to the sled. It sucks, and I hate it. But I also know that there isn't another choice if I want the cow to live.

I know that on any day that includes a down cow. If Mercy for Animals were undercover on our dairy farm, they could make a YouTube video that would convince millions of people that I am an animal abuser.

On a good day, after giving it our all, the cow gets up. She is sullen, scared and probably hates us, but she is alive. The video would never show that. That part doesn't fit what the story they want to tell you. Mercy for Animals, PETA, Compassion Over Killing and other animal rights groups like to include video footage of these kinds of situations to try and turn people against dairy farmers like me. Yes, some videos show real abuse, which I absolutely do not condone.

I am not making excuses for abusers, they deserve to rot. But I hope the next time another abuse video comes out showing a down cow, people take a little longer to think about how they would handle the situation.

The author with one of her dairy cows. Photograph: Carrie Mess

I love my cows. Unfortunately, that sometimes means I have to be mean to them.

• This commentary was originally posted on the blog The Adventures of Dairy Carrie on 9 December 2013.