This Blu-ray is currently available from Mill Creek Entertainment as a Spring Break Double Feature. The two movies are also a part of the 4 film package, Sun, Sand and Sweat.



This week we have an interesting double feature. One of the titles marks Rob Morrow’s first film and Johnny Depp’s first starring role (well, technically a co-starring role with Morrow). Private Resort is one of many teen sex comedies released in the 80s and the actors themselves have later reported to be a bit embarrassed by the film. Truth be told, it could have been much worse. Yes, it’s pretty shameless and occasionally tasteless. However for all of its political incorrectness, it does possess a certain manic energy and farce-like tone that elevates it a bit higher than many of its ilk.

Set entirely within a luxury resort in Florida, Morrow and Depp play Ben and Jack, two sex-obsessed young buffoons interested in nothing more than scoring with almost any lady they encounter. Chasing the resort attendees inadvertently involves them in the plot of “The Maestro” (Hector Elizondo), a egotistical jewel thief planning on stealing a valuable gem from guest and grandmother, Mrs. Rawlings (Dody Goodman). The boys also encounter a philandering visitor named Curt (Andrew Dice Clay), ready to cheat on his girlfriend at a moment’s notice.

A massive fracas ensues as identities are confused, misinformation is spread, disguises are worn and the characters crash into each other while escaping into resort hallways. This isn’t a quality effort, but it is understandable how many might consider it a guilty pleasure. The talented cast elevate the material and maximize the comic potential about as far as it can go. Perhaps its wisest move is to play the story’s events off as a complete farce. No one involved seems to be taking anything seriously for a moment and as events build it assists in creating a sillier and sillier vibe.

Morrow and Depp play complete slime-balls. Viewers in the right frame of mind will get some unintentional laughs out of Morrow’s Ben character and his incredibly inappropriate leers at women. They’re so over-the-top that they eventually transgress disturbing and veer back into amusing, even if the effect is unintentional. Amazingly, he is supposed to be the nice guy of the pair – after numerous attempts to sleep with anyone, his incredibly cheesy montage date with a nice romantic interest serves to highlight the absurdity. There’s also some good physical humor as the two kids fight, get slapped around by Curt and attempt to push each other out of the way at various intervals.

Elizondo actually comes across well in a broad role. His villain provides a surprising amount of fun material. The Maestro is obsessed with his hair (it is a pretty comical look for the character) and the criminal’s complete frustration and sudden outbursts of anger are amusing to watch. One of the highlights is his attempt to seduce Mrs. Rawlings in order to steal her jewel – she’s hard of hearing and his annoyance at yelling at her to be heard reaches increasingly funny levels. The actor delivers every hard bump and fall with aplomb, making him enjoyable to watch throughout.

Of course, it was the early 80s and political incorrectness is on full display. There are numerous breast shots, but one can at least argue that the leads are forced to strip down as well. Additionally, there are a couple of very ill-advised gags involving Quaaludes. Its inclusion in the plot is merely a device for the drug get into the wrong hands and result in an amorous grandmother prowling the grounds, but it still feels like a questionable choice. At least the slapstick physical gags and campy bizarreness of it all curtail some of the uglier aspects of the story. Heck, the movie ends with machine-gun fire at a hotel buffet – it’s obvious that you’re not supposed to take this seriously for a second.

Additionally, the pacing is good. The story moves like a bullet, never halting after an awkward ten minutes of set-up and sprinting to the credits in less than 80 minutes. And the Blu-ray looks about as well as one could hope for from a low-budget comedy. The image is somewhat grainy, but still looks stronger than the DVD release of the title from many years back.

Private Resort actually works a little better than expected. I honestly can’t defend it as a good movie. Yet the novelty of seeing two big-time actors before they were famous, as well as some great supporting work from Elizondo are enough to earn it a recommendation to forgiving and nostalgic viewers looking for a teen sex comedy fix. You’ll just have to accept that times were different back then and by today’s standards some of the humor is insensitive.

As for Hardbodies, I wasn’t nearly as fond of it. It tells the tale of a young, handsome beach-bum/con-man named Scotty (Grant Cramer) who is hired by a trio of middle-aged professionals looking to score with young beach babes. He’s allowed to live in their expansive, rented condo if he teaches them how to seduce women. It’s a strange and very creepy concept, with Scotty teaching the guys how to “dialogue” with women to get them into bed.

As events progress, one of the older men turns out to be horrible and even attempts to force himself on a lady. Scotty is fired for getting in the way and (sort of) sticking up for the victim. He soon plots a revenge scheme to make things right. Even though the script attempts to provide some sort of moral compass, the movie isn’t particularly funny and none of the characters are especially likable.

What is especially unsettling is that Scotty is supposed to be the good buy hero. He even has a girlfriend, although a couple of early scenes imply that he may not be completely faithful. While his actions are as deplorable as those of the older men – somehow, it’s all supposed to be okay in his case because he is young and good-looking. Granted, the heroes from Private Resort aren’t any better as human beings, but those events are played in such a ridiculous manner that it isn’t as off-putting.

I will say that the image quality is very impressive on Harbodies, with popping 80s colors and a crisper picture than on Private Resort. Hardbodies gets a personal thumbs down as a comedy, but disc quality is very strong. I do realize that this title has a big following and they’ll be happy to see a high resolution version of the film. For others like myself, at least it comes as a free bonus along with the more enjoyable Private Resort. For the extremely inexpensive disc price point, interested parties will likely be happy with what they see.