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Mike Haley was a gay man for 12 years, but managed to crawl his way out of the lifestyle with the help of God and Jeff Konrad, whom he met in 1985 at a gay gym. Mike, according to this book's foreword, followed a man out to the parking lot, only for him to shut Mike down by saying he wasn't a homosexual anymore. He claimed he was cured by this Jeff Konrad -- who, speak of the devil, walked up to them at that very moment!

Think of the odds! Two formerly gay men and one soon-to-be-formerly gay man running into each other in the parking lot of a gay gym, and all they do is discuss the glory of God's majesty. Why, if honesty wasn't such a valued principle among Christian anti-gay activists, I'd almost say the story was made up and they actually spent the afternoon just soaking in the interior of Jeff's pet grooming van.

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In 2004, Mike published 101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality, which debunks the gay lifestyle with the smugness of a debate nerd and the shriveled myopic perspective of the 4chan account that nerd uses to agree with himself. For 200 pages, Mike sets himself up with easy questions and then annihilates himself in the debate. For instance, he might "ask" something like, Um, I heard God destroyed Sodom for inhospitality, not homosexuality? Then he will dunk that dipshit. You see, in Hebrew (um, heard of it?), the word yada has two meanings, both of which, based on your foolish question, are too complicated for your puny brain. Mike seems like the kind of guy who tells himself he's not gay because the Aramaic word for penis can also mean "totally allowed toothbrush."