'Tunisia is our Archduke Ferdinand moment'

Says Glenn Beck, Fox News host:

This is not just happenstance. This is not just poor people mad at rich people. This is coordinated. Tunisia was the beginning. I think there is a chance Tunisia was our Archduke Ferdinand moment that I've been telling you about, warning that it would start in some place that wouldn't look like anything – and most of us wouldn't understand it. He was the guy assassinated in Sarajevo. Month later Austria and Hungary declared war against Serbia and the rest is called World War One

Beck, the apocalyptically-minded TV host, has the most complete theory on Egypt: the protests there are part of what he calls the "coming insurrection".

He illustrates how it will happen in the clip below using blackboards featuring maps of Europe and the Middle East. He marks friends with a yellow smiley face (Israel), "Frenemies" (Egypt, Saudi Arabia, etc.) with blue faces and enemies (Iran) with red. Through the use of stick-on fires to illustrate riots he announces to his American viewers: "I'm going to show you how all this cascades over to us".

Key to all it all is that Europe, as his map shows, is already in flames because of some of our recent street protests. Beck never explains the connection between the Greek government's austerity programme, tuition fees demonstrations in the UK and radical Islam (which no one on the ground in Egypt says is behind the protests there). Do I need to? Because I can't.

To cut to the chase, a new caliphate will emerge in the Middle East and push further east until China, as Beck puts it, says "Knock it off guys" and takes over India, reaching some way into Pakistan. The caliphate will then push north, which is when it will absorb the UK:

What happens to the overwhelming radical population of the UK, of radical Islamicists. What happens? Do they just sit around on their hands or do they see an opportunity? When you take the Marxists and you combine them with the radical in Islam the whole world begins to implode

So there you have it, an "Archduke Ferdinand moment" which will split Europe, the Middle East and Asia into Chinese and radical Islamic zones. In the full Beck, he also introduces Bill Ayers (who Sarah Palin had in mind when she accused Barack Obama of "palling around with terrorists"), Hizbullah and Code Pink, a feminist antiwar group. But that's enough for now.

'It has spread, as we predicted it would'

Says a Glenn Beck radio show co-host:

Even when the French riots were going on, this was before Greece. The rioting in France - Paris was on fire virtually every night - we said this is coming to other countries

That's right. The origins of Egypt's protest lie not in Mubarak's dictatorship, a languid economy and lack of opportunity for young people but the 2005 unrest in Paris's banlieues. Does Greece have something to do with it too?

Here is Beck - this time on the radio - expanding on his theme of what the Egypt protests mean for Europe:

The Muslim radicals in Europe and England rise up. You've got the communists and the Muslim radicals, they are not one and the same, they are not coordinating or anything else. But once they start to work together - whether it is coordinated or not, and I don't believe it would be - once they start to work together in concert Europe is done. It is done. Where is the police force that is going to be able to police the entire world like that. Russia? The United States? How are you going to quell the Middle East?

Watch the two of them below:

'It tracks with this administration's views on the economy'

Says David Asman, Fox host:

President Mubarak sent a message by camel to President Obama today ... Mubarak was telling Obama to mind his own business, that he will leave on his own terms, not on terms or timetables dictated by the White House [...] The administration's inability to have any sway there is what happens when you desert your allies and try to apply Robert's rules of order to the raw power plays of the Middle East. We saw the same thing happen with the Carter administration's mishandling of Iran in 1979 and we are shocked that this administration thinks the same lofty ideals will have better luck in Egypt. It is a fairyland, it is an academic view of the world that frankly tracks very closely with this administration's views on the economy. Take healthcare, for example ...

To a man with a hammer every problem is a nail, as the saying goes. To a man with a problem with Obama's healthcare reform, every problem looks like it has something to do with healthcare reform.

(via Media Matters for America)

'Obama should be impeached'

The strangest thing I've seen on the internet for a while: footage of JFK unconvincingly voiced-over by someone who cannot do a JFK impression.

Recently the fires of discontent in the Middle East have been inflamed by the aid and comfort that have been given to America's enemies by our 44th president [...] The 44th president and Joseph Biden [should] be impeached for high crimes and misdemeanours. At that point the speaker of the house, John Boehner, will become the 45th president of our nation. I'm asking John Boehner to use our military power to quell the uprising that is currently threatening the government of Hosni Mubarak

I have no idea whether this is serious or satire. None at all.

'Obama is on the side of radical Islam'

Michael Savage, who calls Obama the "socialist-in-chief", talks over the US president's recent statement calling for a transition to democracy in Egypt.

Obama: ... people want the same things that we all want. A better life for ourselves and our children ... Savage: What the heck does that mean? This is the rhetoric you would have heard from the Black Panthers

And here is a key quote:

Grievances? Here is the community organiser now using community organisational mentality for a nation of Egypt, which is flooded with the Muslim Brotherhood. This is astounding. We are listening to the biggest mistake in US diplomatic history. This fool. This pinheaded fool running this country either doesn't know his history or is on the side of radical Islam. There's no two ways about it

'What the Bible has already said'

Joseph Farah of WorldNetDaily:

Iran's quest serves a second purpose of eliminating all of Israel's supposed Islamic allies and replacing them with like-minded radical government heads that will renounce their alliance with the US and harden hatred toward Israel. Of course, this scenario only strengthens what the Bible has already said - that the enemies of Israel will one day attack them, thereby giving occasion for God to destroy their enemies

From about 4 mins, we get a Biblical reading of contemporary Middle Eastern politics

'Muslim Brotherhood has infiltrated the US government'

Frank Gaffney, neoconservative:

There are questionable people who are sympathetic to the program of the stealth jihadists who have influence with the United States government. Some I think are actually working for it, but for sure people who are persuaded that the folks that they need to work with to reach out to the Muslim-American community, for example, who incessantly turn to Muslim Brotherhood organisations for that purpose, are a very real problem

(Via Think Progress / Gawker)

'We will have a world war on our hands'

Bill O'Reilly forsees a domino effect where, aided by al-Jazeera, the Muslim Brotherhood takes charge in Tunisia, Yemen, Egypt and Jordan and gives al-Qaida free reign.

'Al-Jazeera is British intel'

Another take on al-Jazeera: Alex Jones talks Egypt with author and host of GCN's World Crisis Radio, Webster Tarpley. I have no idea what is going on here. There is an Anglo-American imperialist plot, they say, aided by al-Jazeera, to overthrow Mubarak. China and Russia might get involved somewhere down the line. Here is one exchange:

Jones: People are opening saying what al-Jazeera is: British intel Tarpley: Yeah, that's for sure

To clear things up (joke!) at around the 3 mins mark Pink Floyd's Money comes in to provide a sonic backdrop to the Jones-Tarpley chat.

'The US should not fear Egypt regime change'

This may not fit the narrative but the US right is not speaking with one voice on Egypt. There are those (mainly above) who fear the consequences if Mubarak was to fall, but others who support the possibility that Egypt may transition to democracy. The quote heading this section comes from an article for Forbes by Michael Rubin of the American Enterprise Institute (also home to Paul Wolfowitz) while a Bush administration official, Elliott Abrams, claims in the Washington Post that the Egypt protests are a vindication of his former boss.

And then there are more non-partisan positions, such as Glenn Beck's Egypt protest theories show he's finally lost the plot.