Iganokami's Guide to the INTP Mate. [Feb. 27th, 2012|02:07 am] Kalvin Escobar This is pretty accurate for me, and that's kind of scary.



It's also kind of funny when you compare it to some of the parts of an entry I wrote in 2004.

http://kalvinescobar.livejournal.com/45287.html



My comments on each section will be in parentheses after the original author's explanation

(I was really surprised that I correctly spelled "parentheses". I actually searched it on google to double check it because I thought my spell check stopped working...)

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http://homepage.mac.com/bahlberg/iblog/B1386252977/C707866389/E447100039/index.html



Iganokami's Guide to the INTP Mate.

This is one INTPs definition of the needs of an INTP as a spouse or mate. The original author's (Iganokami) version was written for the INTP Husband. However, it appears from later discussion that INTP Women want the same things. So, with a bit of editorial license this is the guide to the INTP mate.

1. Lots of sex

I dont think it is just me as an INTP who finds this a very important part of a relationship and the most important physical expression of love in a relationship - it is NOT a selfish act for selfish physical satisfaction. but hell, it is damn pleasing, too



(Yeah, It's like that.)



2. Moral support

It is a tough world out there for INTPs



(I feel like most people don't really understand me, and most of those people don't have a reason to try to, so in a relationship, this one is pretty important)



3. An equal

INTPs have no wish to dominate, and are crushed by domination



(I always viewed ideal relationships as a balanced partnership, and as I got older I realized how little I'd actually seen it in reality. In American society, Men are the dominant partners in a hetero relationship. Even in my own relationships, I often found myself conceding power in the early stages of the relationship in an attempt to achieve that balance. I'm usually attracted to strong willed logical women, and lesbians.)



4. Someone who is next to unoffendable.

INTPs tend to lack tact, but also want and need to be brutally honest with thier intimate partners - they want someone who they can playfully insult, who will then either laugh in thier face or give it right back.



(If I have to walk on eggshells concerning the words that come out of my mouth, my mind will find any concieveable way that my words could be seen as offensive, censor pretty much everything, and I just won't talk...)



5. Someone who can accept them for who they are and not try to change them.

INTPs appear erratic to the casual observer in a relationship, for example - they appear to demand solitude one moment, sex the next. Non-INTPs find this VERY hard to reconcile with their typical conception of "love"



(There is a difference between "growth" and "change", though I'm not exactly sure what that is... I would willingly adopt some accomodating behaviors for the sake of my partner, but you won't see me willingly buying a mac or a honda)



6. Someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love.

Be it really, really sappy hopless-romantic type drivel or passionate physical expression, or just a touch or a simple look. The INTP way is very hard to catch, if you blink, you miss it. Non-INTPs tend to want tokens and words, not a slow dance in a room with no radio, not a quiet cuddle in front of the TV at the end of the day, or the other strange and random expressions that INTPs tend to give. [ This ties in with #5.]



(That one is so fucking accurate. I literally do all of that.)



7. SPACE [ as in both physical and emotional space ]

In case it was missed, I'll mention it again: SPACE!! INTP men need their free time to pursue intellectual pursuits, and CAN NOT be:

a.) disturbed

b.) told they dont love thier partner because they spend too much time "alone", etc.

INTP men disappear for a while, then come out swinging. this FORCES most non-INTPs to think that the INTP partner only wants them for sex. This is wrong, but if the non-INTP is not capable of #5 and #6, they are forced to believe it.



(I need time to relax and sort through my thoughts and some women just don't understand it. I don't exactly shut the world out, so simply being disturbed is minor. On the other hand, long interruptions over trivial matters, or attempts to make me feel guilty for needing time to myself are extremely bad.)



8. Comforting. [ this goes along with #2 .]

The world sucks, particularly for INTPs. They are capable of an utterly staggering amount of patience and responsibility, but in the long run, without #2 and #8, the relationship will ultimately die, or the INTP will DIE a very real death. With #2 and #8, an INTP can take a spectacular amount of abuse, responsibility, and patience in life, as long as his partner supplies #2 and #8 in sufficient quantities.



(When I have some comfort and support, I am really amazed at the amount of bullshit that I can deal with on a daily basis. When I deal with lots of bullshit, and don't have much comfort and support, I just go numb...)



9. An intellect. a person who can hold their own in a debate.

The words "you always think you are right!!" are the LAST words an INTP wants to hear from their mate. The INTP wants debate! Wants intellectual stimulation! If they doesnt get it at home, #7 becomes very very very important. If their mate can not handle #7, there will be PROBLEMS. If the mate can supply #9, the INTP will be very happily occupied with their mate for a long, long time.



(I like to debate, I hate to argue, there is a difference... Intelligence is one of the main things I'm attracted to. Without it, some physically hot girls look pretty ugly to me... Shallow Hal vision...)



10. Someone to learn with. [ This goes with #9 ]

Someone who is interested in learning and intellectual stimulation. The INTP needs someone who they can learn with and enjoy the mysteries and adventures of life with. Someone who can understand their interest in the esoteric, show appreciation for their interests, and even join them in these interests, or introduce them to new ones.



(Learning is fun to me at times... Learning with a partner is even more fun than learning alone, it's more about growing together, and having someone to share with)



11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis.

Often the INTP finds that they are the only one "growing" in a relationship, the only one who can see the problems in the relationship. This usually forces the INTP to be the one to change, to be the one to compromise for their partner. Because many non-INTPs have no true ability to self reflect the non-INTP thinks they are ALWAYS right. The INTP spends their life examining themselves and their relationship to see what they need to do to make it work. So they spend all their time critically analyzing it, and the mate does nothing but demand that they change. This will eventually lead to the spiritual DEATH of the INTP, if not the actual PHYSICAL death of the INTP. To avoid this, the INTP person NEEDS a mate who can examine the relationship WITH them, so they can grow TOGETHER



(This is one of the most important ones. In a relationship, (and life in general,) I try to find my own faults before pointing blame at others; because In most circumstances, the only one that I can change is myself. I willingly take the blame that I deserve, and even some of the blame that I don't, in hopes of improving myself and strengthening the relationship. I expect that my partner is capable of doing the same. When my partner doesn't take their share of the blame, shit like this happens, lol... http://kalvinescobar.livejournal.com/105201.html)