This is exactly how I spend my time (not really) Picture: Getty)

I never thought that I’d be the type of woman whose partner supports her financially.

Is the Foreo UFO 2 90-second mask tool worth the faff?

But then I didn’t realise I’d be making my way through a complicated maze of a career that, to start with, would pay absolutely nothing.

We talk about how unfair unpaid internships are, we talk about how hard it is to afford to rent in London.

But what we don’t talk about is how people actually get around these obstacles.


We’re unwilling to admit that we’ve had help, whether from our parents or our partners, and so this cult of silence, this taboo about getting help, continues. And that’s why I’m done with pretending that I’ve done this all on my own.



Three years ago I was sitting in the kitchen, crying into a glass of wine about my career.

‘What is it you actually want to do?’ asked my then boyfriend, now fiance.

‘I want to write’ I hiccuped. ‘But you can’t make any money that way.’

‘Well then I’ll support you’ he said like it was the simplest thing in the world.

And so that’s what happened.

Is this what staying at home means? (Picture: Getty)

We came to an arrangement. I would be based from home, nannying about 12 hours a week and writing the rest of the time. I would contribute what I could financially, and he could cover the rest.

Initially, I felt terrible about it. In an attempt to justify the arrangement I took on all of the cooking and some of the cleaning, which made me feel like I was pulling my weight but had the unfortunate side effect of making me feel like a Stepford Wife.

It felt ironic that I was writing about feminism and female emancipation on his dollar.

When people came over to our flat and questioned, how at the age of 23 I was living in a pretty flat in London’s beautiful Highgate, I would dread having to admit the truth. That my other half paid the majority of the rent, and that was why I was the only millennial I know who had an open fireplace.

Beautiful Highgate where people like me can’t afford to live. (Picture: Getty)

‘So much for feminism’ one friend said when I confessed that I’d worn a hole in my favourite ballet pumps and my boyfriend had replaced them.

So it’s no surprise that being unable to contribute as much financially took away from my status as an independent woman. That it made me a hypocrite or a sponge.

But that’s just not true. It might have taken me a while to work it out, but I know now that believing in the equality of both genders has no relationship with your financial arrangements. So these days I have absolutely no compunction telling people that no, I don’t

As a freelancer writer, I’d never be able to buy clothes, get my hair highlighted or take an Uber if I were paying half our rent. Not essentials, but things that make me happy. Things that make life a little more cheerful.



We’re in a partnership, so increasingly it’s not his money or my money, it’s our money. I contribute other things – emotional labour particularly.

In any relationship, you have a finite quantity of any resource. Money, time, emotional bandwidth. How you divide those resources is entirely up to you.

Couple’s feet dangle from dock, above tranquil lake (Picture: Getty)

There are still people who see a disconnect between calling myself a feminist and being given financial help by my partner. Those people are confused about what feminism means.

Feminism was never about deleting the more traditional female roles, nor about forcing women to stand in isolation. It was (and is) simply about making those positions optional rather than compulsory.

If I said I wanted to work a 70 hour week for £100,000 a year, my partner would be just as supportive. But I don’t, and that’s my choice. And at it’s most basic level, feminism is about choice.

This is how I hoover (Picture: Getty)

I wanted to write because I wanted to change things. Improve them, even. And because of the money my fiance invested into me in those first months, on some small levels I’ve been able to do that.

Women have told me I’ve made them brave enough discuss sex, explore their bodies and let go of guilt. Women have even said that I’ve changed their minds about feminism and women’s rights.

All because I learned to swallow my pride and accept the help I needed from the person who I share my life with.

MORE: Wife facing jail for not doing enough housework

MORE: ‘Crap Housewife’ Jessica Rowe is sharing super relatable photos of the meals she makes her kids

Advertisement Advertisement