SARASOTA, FL—Clicking through the back-to-school photo album his cousin Janice recently posted on Facebook, local man Paul Stewart told reporters Wednesday that he was really enjoying the opportunity to see how much her kids are chunking out. “They were a couple of butterballs last year, but wow, they are really packing on the lard now,” said Stewart, noting a photo in which the two chubsters stood in their driveway wearing new clothes and backpacks and posed with their doughy little arms around each other. “Kyle’s turning into quite the porker. And Tyler’s already in third grade? Wow, I almost didn’t recognize that blubbersaurus.” Stewart added that he wouldn’t be surprised if these two blimps didn’t each put on another 20 pounds by Halloween and was eagerly awaiting the trick-or-treating pictures.

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