Hollywood doesn’t seem to get much rest when it comes to unsettling news and unsettling is one of the many words that could apply to the developments on the story of Johnny Depp and his ex-wife Amber Heard as new evidence reveals Johnny Depp, who had been accused by Amber Heard of physically abusing her, was in fact the one being physically abused in the relationship. Together with his attorney Adam Waldman, an amount of evidence including 17 sworn eyewitness statements, 87 surveillance videos and photographic evidence has been compiled and Johnny Depp is now suing Amber Heard for defamation and damages for a total of $50,000,000.

This disturbing turn of events is not the first time a leading face of the #metoo movement has been revealed to be a perpetrator of abuse, rape and harassment rather than a victim with even big names in the movement like Asia Argento, Allison Mack, Cristina Garcia and Avita Ronnell being caught in the heat just in the last few years.

However, as unsettling as this trend might be it should not be the subject of focus in this whole story. By focusing on Amber Heard, we will be repeating the mistakes society and the media have made throughout all this case since her allegations against Johnny Depp. It is true that since ancient times people feel the need to be outraged and point the finger at someone and nothing like a good old witch-hunt to satisfy this need. And the media are glad to cash in on this. However this will not solve any issue. Instead, the subject of focus here should be Johnny Depp, his story, the consequences he faced and why.

The surfacing evidence as well as the details of the violence in question are disturbing enough but they are not the only disturbing aspect of the story nor the most telling of the underlying cultural problem that led to this situation.

The problem here is the public reaction as well as how Johnny Depp had to proceed to achieve an ounce of credibility and the slightest chance at seeing justice as well as clearing his name. Even without solid evidence, Johnny Depp spent years under public scrutiny and hostility that led to himself and his career suffering the backlash from the accusations in a very direct manner. And the only chance he had at potentially seeing justice as well as being heard as a victim was to spend a very long time withstanding this backlash and hostility in silence while compiling enough evidence not only of her staging of the attacks but also of her own attacks to have a foolproof case that would leave no doubts about the matter and grant him not only a chance at legal justice but also having his name cleared in front of the public.

What he did was the most reasonable thing to do. Waiting and compiling a sizable amount of evidence rather than rushing to an accusation himself. However this should not have been the case. A man having his life ruined and facing hostility for years over allegations and having to cope with it in silence while gathering a mass of evidence himself before even having the chance of being heard (whether by the public or the legal system) should never be his only choice to deal with it, at least not in a society that calls itself civilized and legally neutral. It is not acceptable that the public, media and film industry decided to be judge, jury and executioner and it is not acceptable that before compiling such an amount of evidence he had no chance at being heard at all. However this is sadly the norm.

This underlying issue that led to the current situation is perhaps the most disturbing part of the whole story, having roots and consequences in culture, media and the legal system itself.

This is the reason while in our “civilized Western world” men who are victims of domestic violence are more likely to be arrested themselves than to see their abuser being arrested.

This is the reason why in the “civilized country of UK” we have police withholding 40.000 texts worth of evidence proving the innocence of a man accused of rape, which almost led to his conviction.

The idea ingrained in our society that a man is by default an attacker or abuser and a woman is by default a victim is inherently dangerous and severely damaging to society and its citizens in ways that affect much more than the life of an abused Hollywood actor.

One of the many unsettling aspects about this distorted view is that it’s seen not only in the media and public opinion such as articles about men killed by their partners being written in a way that promotes empathy towards the attacker and describing the event as “a sad thing on both sides”, articles about women raping their underage students getting headlines that depict the rapist as the victim or journalists on online newspapers boasting about beating up their male partners but also on both private and government institutions starting with the fact that despite 40 to 50 percent of domestic violence victims being male (and over 70% of nonreciprocal domestic violence being perpetrated by women) male victims have less than 1% of funding and shelters with not a single shelter in the entirety of London and the only shelter for men in Canada, a country allegedly known for its open and progressive views, closing due to lack of funding and its owner ultimately committing suicide. All of which is sadly but a small picture in the larger scope of domestic violence programs discriminating against male victims.

All of this would seem terrible enough and sufficient to understand the scope and impact of our distorted and sexist view of violence and abuse, however it is not where it ends and what is perhaps its most shocking effect is its influence on our legal system. Apart from British police itself being under investigation for being trained to hide evidence of innocence in rape and domestic violence cases and men being twice as likely than women to be incarcerated for a crime and serving 63% longer sentences for the same crime, we have between 1 and 2 million men being raped every year, 79% of which reporting female perpetrators that aren’t recognized as rape victims neither statistically nor legally, being instead grouped in a category named “made to penetrate” which is not legally considered rape. Perhaps equally shocking and demonstrative of the effect of our “man=abuser, woman=victim” dogma is that instead of fighting this issue and seek justice for millions of male rape victims we choose to keep claiming that “99% of rapists are male” since all these women raping men aren’t legally rapists after all. And perhaps even more disturbing is when the very same groups that claim to protect rape victims are the same ones to oppose a bill (and ultimately defeat it) that would make it legally rape when a woman rapes a man. And if nothing else it is certainly disgusting and barbaric when our distorted view can lead to something as preposterous as a woman raping her own 1-year old son, filming it, sending the footage to a pedophile and then serving no jail time and getting community service instead.

All of this is disturbing and shows a much greater scope to a social issue that encompasses much more than surfacing violent crime scandals in Hollywood, all of this shows an aspect of society that grows worse by the day and must change if we are to call ourselves civilized. However we cannot expect the law to change overnight. We cannot expect institutions to change overnight and see men and women equally. We cannot expect that before we change ourselves and start seeing people as human instead of jumping to conclusions to whether someone is a victim or an abuser based on which organ they have between their legs.