Ryan and Bel were on the way to her doctors appointment. He was both excited and nervous as he watched Bel fiddle with the radio. He figured she was nervous too.

She had been shocked when he’d told her how well Reagan and Evan took their ‘news’. She looked at him with sad eyes. ‘I messed up with Evan so badly,’ she’d said, ‘but I’m glad he’s happy now’. Ryan couldn’t help but feel a little pang of jealousy at her words. He knew she must have loved Evan at some point, but greed and revenge took over and destroyed it. He prayed becoming a mom had truly changed her.

As they sat waiting, Ryan thought about the woman sitting next to him filling out the forms on the tablet. The mother of his baby. Being around her more and more, he found he was truly enjoying her company.

Maribel asked lots of questions about his plans for the gym. She seemed honestly interested in his life, and what was important to him. He could tell because she asked detailed questions, then offered well thought out suggestions instead of just agreeing with whatever he said.

Finally they were called back for the ultrasound.

Ryan sat next to the exam bed. The doctor asked Maribel to lift up her shirt so he could spread the gel on her abdomen for the the procedure. Ryan had to bite his lip. She looked so damn sexy with that little swell to her middle. His baby.

He was distracted by a swoosh swoosh sound coming from the ultrasound machine, and tore his eyes away from her exposed belly to look at the monitor instead.

“There’s the heartbeat,” said the Doctor smiling, “its good and strong.” Then the doctor started explaining what they were seeing on the monitor and sure enough Ryan could make out the baby’s head, arms and legs.

He moved the doppler around Maribel’s stomach and stopped. “You want to know the sex?” he asked.

“Yes,” blurted out Ryan.

The doctor chuckled and pointed at the screen. “You see here,” he said, “definitely a little girl.”

Ryan’s heart swelled with love for the grainy image on the screen. He looked at Bel and she smiled sweetly at him, becoming emotional. He couldn’t help but take her hand and squeeze it, and she squeezed back. This was a side of her he’d never seen, and it gave him hope. Hope that their daughter would indeed be loved by both of her parents, and that their own relationship wouldn’t become toxic because they had a common goal. To love their daughter.

After they were done, Ryan felt weird just leaving, so he asked her to lunch – again. Bel readily agreed and they went to a restaurant near the doctor’s office.

Once they ordered, he felt like he could finally talk. “So Bel, a little girl,” he said and smiled.

“Are you disappointed it’s not a boy?” she asked pensively.

“Not at all. It’s just, now that the baby has a sex, it’s not an it – and we can even name her. Fuck Bel, it’s getting real. There’s a tiny person growing in there. We’re going to have a baby.”

She looked at him for a minute and grinned. “I really think we should call her Florence,” she teased.

Ryan could tell she was biting back a laugh, regardless, he felt his blood pressure rise at the thought of Rosa. “Not funny,” he said, his smile vanishing.

“Oh. I’m so sorry. Honestly Ryan.” Bel’s words were rushed and she looked distressed at having upset him. “I was trying to make a joke about the other day. Is she reconsidering her decision to leave you?”

“No,” he said his voice flat, “I haven’t heard from her and don’t expect to.”

“Ryan, I’m really sorry, that was insensitive.” She looked really upset, their happy mood suddenly tainted by the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Ryan sighed. “We didn’t love each other enough, or maybe not at all. It’s better this way I guess, even though it hurts. I begged her to stay but she wouldn’t. Can’t say I blame her.”

“I understand,” she said with a faraway look, and Ryan believed she did indeed. “So … I think the penthouse may be sold. We could close in 30 days.”

She was trying to make things less awkward and had abruptly changed the subject. He was thankful. “Oh. That’s good. Then we … you … should get Ev … I mean Ami … looking for a house in Newcrest.”

“It’s okay Ryan,” she said, “Evan can do it, if he will. I trust him completely.”

“You know, they’re getting married in 6 weeks,” said Ryan. He had put off this news for fear of upsetting her. “They were going to have the ceremony here in four months, but it would be too close to the our baby’s due date. Evan found a resort in Sulani that can do it. They had a cancellation, plus the resort has a wedding planner, which will take some pressure off poor Reagan. She’s been trying to do it all herself.“

“That sounds like Evan,” she said and sighed. “He’s such a romantic and so sweet. I really am glad he’s happy after all the crap I put him through.”

Again with Evan. Ryan wondered if she really was over him, or it was just his own uncertainties about where their relationship was heading that bothered him. He didn’t like the idea of her with anyone else. “I’m going to go. I would ask you to be my plus one, but I’m not sure it would be a good idea. Not this soon anyway. I’ll only be gone three days, four at most. Just long enough for the ceremony, then I’ll be back.”

Her smile faded. “I’ll miss you while you’re gone,” she said.

Was it just her pregnancy hormones run amok that she acted like she really cared about him? He felt the need to fix her sad mood. “I’ll miss you too, and baby Flo,” he added and grinned.

Maribel laughed. “You just didn’t?”

“I needed you to smile. It worked didn’t it?” he replied smugly.

She nodded her head. “Seriously though, we should decide a name for her. Any ideas?”

“Oh wow. No. Hmmm, maybe if you put your hands on your stomach and say some names, she’ll kick when she hears one she likes.”

Maribel shook her head and scoffed at his silly idea. “Let’s eat. She – who is yet to be named – is hungry, and so is her mother.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Then Maribel sat back in her chair and looked at Ryan. She ceremoniously placed her hands over her abdomen. “Samantha,” she announced to her belly. Her eyes got big, “Oh shit Ryan – she kicked!”

“That’s my girl,” said Ryan grinning proudly, “Samantha it is.”

“Really? Just like that?” she asked unbelieving, “You’re okay with that name? I just said the first thing that popped into my head.”

“Yep. Little Sam or Sammie, or if she’s really a little princess – then Princess Samantha.”

“What about a middle name?” challenged Maribel.

“Oh, that’s easy. Bel. Samantha Bel Murdock. It’s a great name.”

“Murdock,” she said slowly and looked at him sadly. “I thought her last name would be Warner. It would be less weird as she grew up if she and I shared the same last name.”

“Oh …” said Ryan. “I thought since we would have joint custody … ” His shoulders dropped as he the reality of their situation sunk in. “It’s always going to be like this, isn’t it?”

“Like what?” she asked.

“Confusing, conflicting. If it’s this hard for us right now, think about how hard it’s going to be for Samantha as she grows up and gets shuffled around.” He could already envision a little girl with big blue eyes and auburn hair looking up at him and crying while holding onto his leg, begging not to go.

Maribel’s mood suddenly went from playful to angry. “What are you suggesting Ryan? You can’t have full custody. I won’t allow it. I’ll sue for full custody myself before I do that.” She was holding her stomach protectively and it cut Ryan to the core.

“Noooo … Maribel, I was only stating a fact. I simply want our little girl to be happy and secure.”

“Do you really think I’m so horrible?” whispered Maribel.

“No. I didn’t say that. That’s not what I meant at all, Bel. You actually seem different – grounded – and I believe you have the best interests of Samantha at heart. I’ve gotten to know you better in the past month than I did the entire time we were … acquaintances with benefits. Sorry, I don’t think I can classify what we had as ‘friends with benefits’.”

She relaxed and smiled. “I do love her Ryan. She is our Samantha. She means more than anything to me, and I hate myself for what I almost did.”

“Don’t,” he said and reached over and took her hand. “You were all alone, but you’re not anymore.”

She looked at her belly smiling. She blinked and a big tear ran down her cheek. “Did you hear that baby girl? We’re not alone. Daddy’s here.” Then she looked up at Ryan and smiled. “You’re a good man Ryan. I agree with your earlier assessment of our relationship. We were AWB and now – we’re friends. Even good friends, I think. With a different kind of benefit.”

Ryan frowned a bit at her statement. “I wouldn’t go so far to say I’m a good man. Not really. Just a father that loves his daughter.” But not her mother, he thought. He realized just how much that must hurt Bel and felt like crap.

Again, he needed to make it better. “I – don’t feel right just dumping you back at the penthouse after this. Maybe I can come up for a few minutes when I take you back?”

“You don’t need to Ryan,” she said, “but that’s sweet to offer.”

“It’s just I worry about you being alone.” he said, stumbling over his words again. “That’s all, it wasn’t to …”

Her demeanor changed again. Damn, he couldn’t keep up with her changing moods. “I’m a big girl,” she said stiffly, “but, I will be going to Newcrest to see about a house. Maybe you can go with me?”

“Of course,” he said, relieved she wasn’t cutting him out because she misunderstood his intentions. “Just say when. Maybe we can go shopping for baby junk.”

Bel laughed. “Yes, I do need some quote, unquote, baby junk,” she said and took a drink of her coffee.

“I guess I will too,” replied Ryan and grunted, “Crap. Why does this feel wrong. We should be getting one set of baby junk for one place. This is just weird.”

Bel sat down her cup and looked pointedly at Ryan. “It’s our reality Ryan. We aren’t a couple.”

“I know, but Bel, I feel strangely protective of you. You’re having my baby.”

“Caveman instincts” she said and shrugged, “Your spawn is growing inside of me. Just don’t get any ideas of dragging me by the hair into your man cave.”

She was making it clear she was keeping things strictly friends. Maybe she was right, and he was nothing more than a simple-minded caveman, protecting what he felt was his. His shoulders slumped at the thought. “Oh … maybe, but we had something once – didn’t we? I mean, I wouldn’t feel this way about a one night stand.”

“Ryan, you said there was no ‘us’,” she reminded him.

So he had, but he was just protecting himself from her manipulative ways. “Maybe I was too hasty,” he said, back peddling, “I’m really enjoying spending time with you. How about this? Let’s get to know each other better these next few months. We can date, like normal couples. It goes without saying that I’ll do childbirth classes with you and help with everything. I want to be there to support you through the delivery too. I have this overwhelming need to be with you, and get to know you better. Just one thing. Maybe we should take sex off the table.” He winced a little at the last part.

Bel smiled radiantly, almost as radiant as she was when she first heard their daughter’s heart beat. “Okay, I would really like that, but are you sure about the sex ban?”

“Well, it is hard to believe I just said that, because you’re a damn wildcat. Maybe we can hold off for a little while, see if there is a possibility that we can maybe become an ‘us’. We already know we are compatible in the sex department. And, I’ll wait to buy ‘baby junk’, because if this works, I wont be able to leave you once little Samantha is born.”

“Deal,” agreed Maribel, “How about I rescind my earlier veto and we can start with a movie at the penthouse.”

“Yep,” said Ryan, “Let’s go.” He knew he was smiling a goofy smile, but he didn’t care. His life was moving forward, and it felt good. He couldn’t believe that only a few weeks ago, he was depressed because it was in a rut. It was anything but that now. He was making a ton of progress on the gym design, mostly because of Bel’s help. And in just four short months, he would be holding sweet baby Samantha in his arms. He would have his own family. Maybe it was because his twin sister no longer need him that he felt the strong urge to move forward and find someone else to share his life with. Regardless, he was happy for the first time in a very, very long time.

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