Like practically everything else in this world, no-hitters are a frivolity. They almost always mark fairly impressive pitching performances, but most no-hitters rely as much on great luck as great skill. Again: Just like most things.

Rangers starter Colby Lewis came two outs shy of a no-hit performance on Thursday. It would have been the 253rd no-hitter in modern Major League Baseball history. Nine-inning no-hitters are only a touch rarer than hitting for the cycle, another trivial and typically random accomplishment. But the following 17 single-game feats, though also dictated more by fickle fortune than enduring excellence, are far rarer — and thus arguably more impressive — than both no-hitters and cycles.

They follow here, ranked in a somewhat arbitrary order based on both their rarity, their value, and how much I’d enjoy seeing them happen. The list generally refers only to the following achievements occurring in nine-inning games, and excludes things that have never yet happened in a Major League game, lest it go on forever.

17. Five stolen bases

16. Three pickoffs

After Tigers first baseman Johnny Neun stole five bases in a game against the Yankees in July of 1927, Major League Baseball went more than 44 years without a five-steal game before Amos Otis did it for the Royals in 1971. Dating back to 1913 — when baseball-reference.com’s incredible play index begins tracking these things — there have been only 23 games in which a player stole five bases or more. Stealing five bases in a game necessarily means you have either gotten on base three times or you have stolen home, both of which are fairly impressive. But a handful of the five-steal games took place for the winning teams in lopsided victories, which seems like unnecessary running. Billy Hamilton, unsurprisingly, is the most recent player to swipe five bags in one game — just last year. Otis Nixon, Eric Young Sr. and Carl Crawford are the only players since 1913 who have stolen six bases in a game.

The most prolific pickoff pitchers in baseball rarely catch more than 10 guys napping all season, so doing it three times in a single game is incredibly novel, if not terribly exciting. As such, it has happened only nine times since 1930, and not once since Mark Langston did it for the Expos against the Cubs back in 1989. Only two guys have ever picked off four runners in a single game, and one of them — former Blue Jays pitcher Jerry Garvin — did it only one month after another three-pickoff game in 1977.

That’s nuts: There are only nine three-pickoff games on record, and Garvin is responsible for two of them. Not surprisingly, Garvin also set the single-season record for pickoffs that year with 23, four more than the next best in baseball history. He only picked off seven more dudes in the remaining five seasons of his career, partly because he became a reliever and partly because baserunners probably just scrapped leads entirely whenever Garvin was on the mound.

15. Five walks

Straight Moneyball, baby. Walking five times in a game means either you’re extremely patient or you terrify opposing pitchers, and it represents an offensive achievement that even Babe Ruth never managed. Since 1913, there have been 107 games in which a hitter walked at least five times. Hall of Famer Mel Ott did it four times — a record — and future Hall of Famer Barry Bonds is the only guy to do it thrice. When Bryce Harper walked six times in a game against the Cubs earlier this season, he became only the fourth player in baseball history to do so.

14. Four hit batters

This one’s more ignominious than impressive, but if you plunk four batters in a single game and live to tell the tale, you’re either doing something right or you’ve paid off the umpires to ensure they’ll never eject you. It has happened only 24 times since 1913, most recently by Reds starter Josh Smith against the Brewers last year. Incidentally, Smith was the eighth guy to do it since 2000, and the prior seven — Orel Hershiser, James Baldwin, Pedro Astacio, Scott Schoeneweis, Victor Zambrano, Orlando Hernandez and Livan Hernandez — all spent time with the New York Mets.

13. Six hits

In most cases, collecting six hits in a single game requires either a ton of plate appearances — especially in extra-innings marathons — or a whole host of good luck, dribblers getting through the infield and such. There have been an even 100 six-hit games since 1913, and only three guys — 1930s outfielder Doc Cramer and Hall of Famers Jim Bottomley and Jimmie Foxx — have done it more than once. Some guy named Johnny Burnett holds the all-time record for hits in a game with nine, thanks to a wild 18-inning contest in 1932 in which Connie Mack’s Athletics beat the Indians, 18-17, and which also saw Foxx enjoy one of his six-hit games. Only one player has ever collected more than six hits in a nine-inning game: Pirates infielder Rennie Stennett, who went 7-for-7 in a 22-0 win over the Cubs in 1975. Rockies outfielder Charlie Blackmon owns the sport’s most recent six-hit effort in a 2014 game against the Diamondbacks.

12. Three hit-by-pitches

Did you know that in the course of a little more than one calendar year from April 16, 2005 to April 29, 2006, Blue Jays outfielder Reed Johnson was hit by three pitches in a game on three separate occasions? I didn’t, but now I do. The ever-gritty Johnson is responsible for three of the 25 games in which a player has been hit by three pitches since 1913, but now Rays outfielder Brandon Guyer is charging hard for his throne. Guyer got plunked thrice in an early October game against the Blue Jays last season, and again this April in a game against the Red Sox. Though he’s typically a part-time player, Guyer is clearly baseball’s most prolific contemporary hit-by-pitch expert. He’s on the disabled list right now, but somehow it’s due to a strained hamstring.

11. Five extra-base hits

Not a lot of novelty to this one: If you smack five extra-base hits in the same game, you are most likely a really good hitter enjoying the best day of your career. It has happened only eight times since 1913, and a few of them qualify for a couple later distinctions on this list. Amazingly, two of the eight came for the Cleveland Indians in losing efforts. The Red Sox’ Jackie Bradley Jr. did it most recently, in a 22-10 thumping of the Mariners last August.

10. 27 batters faced in a complete game

By definition, this one includes all perfect games, even if a pitcher facing the minimum in a complete-game isn’t necessarily as impressive as a full-blown perfect game. It means that any time a batter reached base, the pitcher managed to retire him via pickoff or double play, or with the help of his catcher via a caught stealing, and thus it represents the pinnacle of pitching efficiency. It has happened 86 times since 1913. Mark Buerhle, one of the most efficient pitchers in recent memory by any standard, is the only guy to do it three times — twice in no-hitters, once in a two-hitter in which he also yielded a pair of double plays. The Diamondbacks’ Josh Collmenter did it last in a 94-pitch shutout of the Reds in 2014.

9. Seven times reaching base

Since 1913, only 11 players have reached base safely seven times in a nine-inning game, including hits, hit by pitches, walks, and reaching on errors. Predictably, no one has ever reached base seven times in a game and seen his team lose that game, nor has it ever happened in a nine-inning game in which a player’s team scored fewer than 19 (!) runs. Sean Casey did it last, for the Reds against the Rockies in 1999. In 1922, Cliff Heathcote went 5-for-5 with two walks for the Cubs in an insane 26-23 game that saw the Phillies nearly come back from an early 19-run deficit.

8. Short-rest shutout, last 20 years

Unlike everything else on this list, this item is limited to the last 20 years due to changing trends in pitcher usage. Guys used to pitch on three and even two days’ rest with some regularity, but it’s far less common now that teams are more invested in keeping hurlers healthy. It has happened only 15 times in regular-season games since the start of 1997 — a few times by knuckleballers, a few times by long-relief types making spot starts, and one time by then-Mets ace Johan Santana with his club’s season on the line late in 2008 in one of the most badass outings I have ever witnessed in person. Teams typically only turn to starters on short rest in emergency pitching shortages these days, and turning in a short-rest shutout marks one of our most extreme examples of “I got this” in contemporary baseball.

7. 10 runs batted in

Yes, runs batted in are not a predictive stat and often say more about the lineup around a hitter than the hitter himself. But driving in 10 runs on your own in a single game is an extraordinary thing to do, and more or less guarantees your club a victory. It has happened only 12 times since 1913, most recently by Garret Anderson of the Angels in 2007. The all-time record for RBIs in a game is 12, shared by Bottomley in one of his six-hit efforts and “Hard Hittin'” Mark Whiten in — SPOILER ALERT — a game that also qualifies for the top achievement on this list and which earned him the lead photo on this post.

6. 17 strikeouts

Striking a batter out is pretty much the best thing a pitcher can do in every situation, since it eliminates the randomness inherent in balls hit in play. So striking out 17 or more batters in a nine-inning game — a feat achieved 40 times since 1913 — marks both an extremely dominant pitching performance and an amazing thing to behold. Max Scherzer is responsible for baseball’s two most recent 17-plus strikeout outings, one in his October no-hitter against the Mets and again in his 20-strikeout game against the Tigers last month. Hall of Famer Randy Johnson struck out 17 or more batters in a game six times in his career. Somehow his team lost three of them.

5. Three triples

If we’re counting inside-the-park home runs as home runs, the triple is baseball’s rarest hit. Doing it three times in the same game certainly requires some luck and likely some poor defense on the part of your opponent, but it is nonetheless fun as heck because triples are absolutely awesome to watch. It should come as no surprise, then, that Yasiel Puig is responsible for baseball’s most recent three-triple game. Since 1913, 29 players have hit three triples in a nine-inning game. No one has done it twice, and no one has ever hit four triples in a game. In 1995, White Sox outfielder Lance Johnson notched three triples in a six-hit game against the Twins.

4. 15 total bases

Look: Total bases are hardly the first stat that come to mind in the broad pantheon of baseball metrics, but tallying 15 or more total bases in a single nine-inning game is an absurd accomplishment. It has happened 32 times, and only Willie Mays has ever done it more than once. Teams are 30-2 in games in which a single player totaled 15 or more bases. It happened twice last season: Once by Yoenis Cespedes for the NL Champion Mets, and once by Kendrys Morales for the World Champion Royals.

3. Perfect game

It feels like people often conflate no-hitters and perfect games, but we absolutely shouldn’t because the latter is much, much more impressive and the standard-bearer for pitching excellence. There have been only 23 official perfect games in Major League history, and none since Felix Hernandez’s gem against the Rays in August of 2012. The 2012 season, oddly, saw three perfect games, and for a minute we might have thought they’d start happening more often for some reason. They didn’t.

2. A 100+ game score

It seems hard to imagine there could be a pitching performance more impressive than a perfect game, but the Bill James-invented stat “game score” suggests just that. Because it rewards strikeouts as well as all the components of a perfect game and strikeouts, again, reduce the randomness, game score perhaps better measures a pitcher’s dominance in a single outing. There have been only 13 nine-inning games in history with a game score of 100 or above. Three of them are perfect games. Six of them game from Hall of Famers, two came from Scherzer, and one came in what stands as arguably the best nine-inning pitching performance in baseball history.

Less than a month into his Major League career, 20-year-old Kerry Wood threw a 20-strikeout complete game one-hitter on May 5, 1998 against a loaded Houston Astros team that would go on to win 102 games that season. That outing yielded a record game score of 105. Wood, you probably know, began struggling with injuries later that season. He went on to a fairly long and generally successful big-league career, but never again achieved anything like the heights established in his fifth big-league start. “For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been!'”

1. Four homers

Why is this man smiling? Because he is in the midst of the single greatest offensive game in Major League history. If a home run is the single best thing a hitter can do in every situation — and it is, no matter what anyone says — then hitting four home runs in a game easily marks the top single-game batting achievement. It has happened 14 times, but three of those came in extra-inning affairs. Josh Hamilton did it most recently, in 2012 against the Orioles.

But Shawn Green, the man in the photo above, enjoyed a game so good it qualifies for four of the distinctions on this list. On May 23, 2003, Green went 6-for-6 with a double and four home runs in a nine-inning game — good for a record 19 total bases. Someday, if people keep playing baseball long enough, someone will hit five homers in a game. But until then, it seems unlikely anyone will trump Green’s day on the list of single-game hitting achievements.