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I can’t find my Nintendo DS, Vito brings in a card game, I apologize to Chris the Kiwi, homeschooling, Digibro categorizes everyone in The Dick Show, Doc Rieux has stories from the ER, Crippled Jesus’ mom’s boyfriend drops a hot beat, Japan is better than the US, Tifa vs. Aerith, pedophiles, pedophiles, pedophiles, Fuckface gets rejected, and Reactor, Tim Pool’s brother, is a gold-bricking douchebag who got kicked out of the band; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

This month’s bonus, bonus, bonus episode is out. I don’t know how many bonus episodes we’re at this month, but it’s not enough to contain the rage I feel about being safely locked inside my own home, where I would otherwise choose to be if it wasn’t obligatory. Here it is! This bonus episode contains one of my greatest bits to date: N-word Cola. Sean also shits on David Lynch for no good reason! Download it. Get the video. It’s only $5 and you pretty much get enough content to get through the quarantine. Enjoy! And thank you for the support, but first…

Which way, Western Man? Will you embrace a life of hedonistic debauchery? Devoid of spirituality and intimacy, but rife with sinful pleasures of the flesh and of the mind. Will you forgo temptation? Can you resist it in all of its forms. Will you delay gratification and fall to sin and misery in the House of the Rising Sun?

I remember my first communion.

The trad wife is the cure to everything that ails you, my friend! Loneliness, hair loss, fatness, Tiger King wasn’t that good. Why with the simple addition of a trad wife into your life, you’ll be a new man! You’ll own a farm. You’ll live off the land. You’ll act like it’s the 1890s for some reason even though that time period had gold brickers too! You’ll never be plagued with insecurity again because trad wives are like a dog, but they also suck your cock.

Did I say suck your cock? Oh boy, I must be confused. What I meant to say was, they will probably not do that. They will physically assault you for looking at other women–and it will be cute when they do it, they will require you to live many ongoing lies about who you are. They will pick fights with other men on your behalf. They’ll post about the military on Facebook. They cry. They need the dog to sleep in bed. They drink Doritos out of the bag. They shop at Walmart and have a cute name for Walmart that they won’t shut the fuck up about. They count your drinks while you sleep. Are you not sold yet, Western Man? Did you think the cure for saving Western civilization would be cheap?

Happiness is not the basis of all advertising. It just seems like it is because of all the beer ads and the car ads and the woman ads. Drink this bitch and you’ll be happy for the rest of your life! Two and a half out of five men agree! But it’s not the real product or the empowerment. It’s not the hook. It’s a fabrication to trick you into thinking beyond the sale. The real product you’re being sold is the choice.

So which way, Western Man! Don’t think. Just choose.

Here is Digibro’s Neurotyping video:



And here is the chart he made of everyone on The Dick Show. I found these things to be fascinating.



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