print " \t\t\t ----------------" print " \t\t\t THE DARK FOREST" print " \t\t\t USE ONLY NUMBERS!!!!!" print " \t\t\t ----------------" print "Alone and afraid, your friends having left you,

you stumble into the woods behind your happy little suburb." print "Your friends ran off supposedly hearing the sounds of a beast said to roam these forests at night." print "You have heard the stories of the creature, but there's no way they can be true." print "Did you hear that?" print "1. Yes" print "2. No" ear = raw_input () if ear == "1" or ear == "yes" : print "That noise, like bones breaking underfoot. You quickly glance around, afraid." print "Do you go 1. North, 2. East, 3. South, or 4. West?" dir = raw_input () if dir == "2" : print "You head off in what you assume to be East. You hear that sound again, bones, death, destruction." print "You walk for miles, and all seems well." print "You are starting to wonder why you are still in this forest anyway, when you hear another disheartening sound." print "Do you

1. Stop and listen more closely or

2. Get the fuck out of that creepy ass place yo!" get = raw_input () if get == "1" : print "You slow down to listen more closely." print "Why the hell did you think that was a good idea?" print "The beast knocks you out with one swing of it's mighty arm." print "You wake up in it's lair, apparently on a bed of it's other victims' bones. Ew." print "The beast is nowhere to be found, but you can see a faint light up a slope." print "What you gon' do brah?" print "1. Run

2. Wait." run = raw_input () if run == "1" : print "You book it towards the light, BUT." print "Yeah, yeah, I know, there's always a but." print "There has to be a but though, cause if not, the game's too easy." print "What? Oh right, the But." print "But! The beast catches you and eats you and shit, blah blah blah." print "Anyway, did you see the fucking world series? Giants fucking suck." print "What? Oh yeah... You uh, lose and stuff." elif run == "2" : print "You sit in the dark and wait, and wait, and wait." print "Eventually you get tired of waiting, and..." print "You book it towards the light, BUT." print "Yeah, yeah, I know, there's always a but." print "There has to be a but though, cause if not, the game's too easy." print "What? Oh right, the But." print "But! The beast catches you and eats you and shit, blah blah blah." print "Anyway, did you see the fucking world series? Giants fucking suck." print "What? Oh yeah... You uh, lose and stuff." elif dir == "3" : print "You head south, towards the old clearing." print "You make it into the clearing and look up at the beautiful moon." print "As you notice the moon glinting, you feel the sharp fangs of a beast of the night sink into your flesh." print "You try to cry out, but it's no use. You have

DIIIIEEEDDDD!" elif dir == "1" : print "You head North, hoping to get out of these damned trees." print "As you walk, the light of the full moon shines upon you." print "The moon as your guide, you continue forward." print "You come to a house in the middle of the forest. Haven't you heard this before?" print "You can:

1. Enter

2. Go around the house." go = raw_input () if go == "1" : print "You enter the house, the door creaking." print "You notice a silver knife on the table, illuminated by the only light in the building, coming from a few candles placed on the table." print "The knife would (possibly) make a good weapon, or you can search the house further for a gun." print "1. Take the knife and leave

2.Search the house for a gun" gun = raw_input () if gun == "1" : print "You pick up the knife, and you hear the voices of a thousand damned souls." print "Turns out the knife was cursed by Ameh Go Tragh Fleh Ragh. The Egyptian god of knife-curses." print "Sharp luck bro. Get it? Sharp. Luck? Like a knife... Whatever,

YOU LOSE! (And fuck you, that joke was funny.)" elif gun == "2" : print "You press further into the house, looking for a gun of some sort." print "You stand in the foyer of this house, and you see stairs up to the left, a dark room to

your right, and a basement straight ahead." print "Do you go:

1. Upstairs

2.Downstairs

3.To the room" hi = raw_input () if hi == "1" : print "You go upstairs, to see the beast in the bathroom brushing his teeth, with his

back turned you can sneak up and choke him out" print "or you can yell to distract him." print "1. Choke that bitch out!" print "2. LEEEEROOOOOYYYYYYY JEEEEENNNNNNKIIIINNNNSSSSS!" teeth = raw_input () if teeth == "1" : print "You go up to the beast steathily, and as you both lock eyes in the mirror,

your arms lock around his throat." print "You choke the best to the ground, his life force ebbing away." print "As he dies, he starts to revert to his human form, and to your suprise, it's Chevy Chase." print "Congrats! You killed Chevy Chase the Werewolf and beat the game!" elif teeth == "2" : print "The beast whirls around to fast you, minty bubbles filling his mouth." print "He spits in the sink and then lunges at you snarling." print "As he pins you to the ground, your final thoughs are 'wow, at least his breath doesn't stink.'" print "And while that is all good and well, you still fucking

DIE!" elif hi == "2" : print "You head downstairs into the basement.... Wait, what?" print "You actually chose of all places, the fucking basement, of this house in the woods, in this horror story?" print "I'll hand it to you man, you got balls, but fuck is that a stupid decision." print "Do you want to take it back?" print "1.Yes

2. No" umm = raw_input () if umm == "1" : print "Sorry man, it's too late now, and just for being a pussy,

YOU DIE!" elif umm == "2" : print "Well, you've got balls man." print "You walk down the stairs, and to your suprise, you find the room incredibly dark." print "You fumble for a light switch and when the light finally comes on, you see a lady tied to the bed naked with a gag in her mouth." print "Do you:

1. Take the gag out

2. Leave before shit get's awkward" awk = raw_input () if awk == "1" : print "You take the gag out and try to talk to her, but you notice she doesn't have a tongue." print "You freak the fuck out, and for some reason PUNCH her square in the face." print "Now she's crying, and it's even worse cause she can't say shit, and you just

sit there and cry with her." print "Fuck man, this shit is sad. Bitch ain't got no tongue." print "As you sit there crying with Tongueless-Tori, her mutilator comes up behind you

and cuts your tongue out too." print "Bright side: People without tongues can communicate telepathically with each other,

and you and Tori, (Her real name is Ashlyn)" print "have a lot in common." print "Dark side: Mr. Tongue Snatcher kills you shortly after." print "Do I even have to say it this time?

YOU DIE!" elif awk == "2" : print "You turn around and walk right up the stairs, into whoever tied that girl up." print "He's about seven feet tall and makes short work of you while you piss yourself." print "For some reason he cuts out your tongue, and right before you die, he makes you bite

the basement stairs." print "Fucked up way to go man, but nonetheless, you go and you

HAVE DIED!" elif umm == "3" : print "You go into the one room on this floor." print "What do you know, there's a gun hanging over the mantle." print "It's a remmington bolt action, looks nice." print "You take the gun, and check it for ammo." print "It is fed from a slide on the side of the gun." print "From your count, there are five bullets in this gun." print "Now, you can:

1. Take the gun and leave the house

2. Fire one shell and hope the beast is close (and stupid)

enough to rush the house." fire = raw_input () if fire == "1" : print "You exit the house through the front door, but run directly into a seven foot tall behemoth." print "Unfortunately, this man is not your query, and even if he was, you are too close to get a shot off." print "He grabs you by the throat and wrings you like a chicken." print "Damn, so close, but

YOU DIE!" elif fire == "2" : print "You fire a shot straight through the ceiling and hear a beastly scream of pain from upstairs." print "Do you:

1. Go upstairs and check it out" print "2. Get the fuck out of there" gat = raw_input () if gat == "1" : print "You go upstairs and check the rooms." print "Finally you come to a bathroom, and on the floor, lying in a pool of blood, is Chevy Chase." print "Dammit, you killed Chevy Chase man. What the fuck?" print "Well, I guess this counts as a win. As long as the cops don't find out." print " YOU WIN!" elif gat == "2" : print "You book it out of there as fast as you can." print "In the forest, you notice a deathly quiet." print "It seems as if the beast was the one who died in there." print "Congrats! You... Wait, oh yeah..." print "The mutilator comes up behind you and chokes you out." print "You wake up naked, tied to a bed with a crazy pain in your mouth." print "As you turn your head, you see a girl with the same fate as you in a bed next to yours." print "'Hello' She says. 'I'm Ashlyn'" print "1. Wonder why you can hear her thoughts

2. Who gives a fuck maybe she can help" why = raw_input () if why == "1" : print "You ask Ashlyn why you can hear her in your head." print "'Well, people with out tongues can communicate with each other through thought.'" print "As she tells you this, your tongue's new owner comes in with the remington." print "You watch as he shoots Ashlyn in the face, and then turns the gun on you." print "Sorry, man. Nothing you could have really done. 'I hate it when you talk' is the

last thing you hear before you

DIE!" elif why == "2" : print "Sorry, she can't" print "The killer comes in and does his job, and you

DIE!" elif go == "2" : print "You go around the house." print "Right behind the house is a valley, with your suburb glistening in the light." print "Maybe your friends weren't so stupid after all." print "You leave the forest, go home and go to sleep." print "For some reason, that night you dream about Chevy Chase." print "But you

WIN!" elif dir == "4" : print "You head west, and in the dark you walk right over a cliff." print "Sorry bro, looks like you:" print 'DIED' else : print "You sit there, frozen by fear. Then a wolf the size of a man jumps from the trees and tears out your throat." elif ear == "2" : print "You pretend not to hear the sounds" print "But I know you did, the beast is out there, it's paws hitting the earth as it speeds towards you." print "1. Fuck you, I don't believe you." print "2. Alright man stop it, you're freaking me out." sta = raw_input () if sta == "1" : print "You stand there smugly, laughing at the fear your friends showcased." print "Haven't you ever heard of skeptics dying first?" print "The beast is upon you, it tears out your throat, blood splashing on the foliage as you struggle to scream." print "You lost you fuck." elif sta == "2" : print "Alright, well, you better get moving. I hear the beast coming." print "So do you:

1. Walk away from the place like a badass, or

2. Run for your fucking life?" spd = raw_input () if spd == "1" : print "You walk away from your current position, taking note of the roots and twigs strewn about." print "You hear the beast trip, and you look back to see a hideous man-wolf sprawled on the forest floor." print "Do you:

1. Go over to the beast and stomp it's fucking brains out.

2. Take this time to get the fuck out of there." act = raw_input () if act == "1" : print "You go over to the beast and attempt to curb stomp it." print "It catches your foot in it's massive jaws, what the fuck did you expect to happen?" print "It finishes nomming on your corpse, oh wait, I forgot to tell you.

YOU HAVE DIED!" elif act == "2" : print "You take this time to put as much distance between you and the fallen beast as possible." print "You make it about a half mile before the beast regains it's senses." print "Now you see a hill up ahead, and what you assume is a shack to your left." print "Do you:

1. Crest the hill to see what is on the other side or

2. Go into the shack to look for a weapon?" red = raw_input () if red == "1" : print "You decide to climb the hill to see what you can see." print "You can see a road a couple miles beyond this hill. You make your way towards it." print "As you reach the guard rails, you hear the beast behind you! Quick! Do you:" print "1. Hop the guard rail and get away from that beast or

2. Slowly follow the rail horizontally,

to try and throw the beast off." hop = raw_input () if hop == "1" : print "You hop the guards and are almost instantly smashed by a car." print "As you lie there bleeding out, you look over and see the grinning face of the beast." print "He is mouthing some words, it looks like

YOU DIED!" elif hop == "2" : print "You follow the rails to the left, the beast snuffling around." print "You find a weighty crowbar, left from some construction job." print "You pick it up, now, do you:

1. Throw the crowbar to divert the beasts attention or

2. Keep it close and when the beast rushes you, attempt to bludgeon him?" hit = raw_input () if hit == "1" : print "You throw the beast in an attempt to distract him, but he is smarter than the average dog." print "He notices the direction the crowbar came from and rushes you in a flurry of claws and teeth." print "We regret to inform you, but you have

FUCKING DIED!" elif hit == "2" : print "You decide that the beast is probably too smart to fall for a trick like that." print "'It's better to have a weapon than nothing' you think as the beast closes in for the attack." print "Timing it just right, you swing your crowbar in an arc that would make Mr. Freeman proud." print "As black blood pools underneath the slain beast, you walk the walk of champions, head held high." print "CONGRATS! YOU WON!" elif red == "2" : print "You head into the 'shack' searching for a way to defend yourself." print "A man with three eyes greets you." print "It turns out, this 'shack' is simply an entrance to an underground rape cavern, where this 'man' and his inbred family live." print "You seem to have pulled the shortest straw of all, because now you are doomed into a life of anal rape." print "As long as you're not gay:

YOU LOSE!" elif spd == "2" : print "You run for you life, the beast hot on your tail." print "Wait, what is that creeping up on you? A MOVIE CLICHE!" print "You trip over a branch and crack your face on the ground." print "The beast comes up and rips your spine directly from your back, as your brain explodes in pain." print "Fuck man, I'm sorry, but you

DIE!"