Picture used for representational purpose Picture used for representational purpose

Section 377 of the Indian Penal code criminalises consensual sex between the same gender. The Supreme Court is yet to pronounce a verdict on it. But does that mean homosexuals don’t exist or people with alternate sexual preferences have moved out of the country? No. It only means they are forced to remain in the closet.

Not only is homosexuality a taboo in India, which is a chronic problem in itself, the government and judiciary’s stand on it makes it more difficult for homosexuals to breathe free. There are so many people in the country who are forced into living dual lives -one as straight and the other, their natural self, gay- and remain in the closet all their lives because the society won’t accept and the indifference is hard to embrace.

Sharing her brutally honest experience, a Quora user Anamika Pareek, who calls herself a proud lesbian writes that her parents don’t know about her sexual preference and often, she finds it impossible to hide it because she can’t fight nature.

In her post that has gone viral with over 182,400 views and 2300 upvotes, she writes it became more complicated after she had to leave her home to pursue higher studies and shared a room with another girl who didn’t know Pareek was a lesbian.

“The other day my roommate was asking me if her nipples were visible in the top she was wearing. I looked and told her no. But when I said this, I had a smile on my face which I could not control. Now this question was normal that two girls can ask each other but you tell me will she ask the same question the moment she gets to know that I’m a lesbian?” she writes.

Her reality might have made her roommate uncomfortable, she says. But can she pretend to be straight all the time, she wonders.

With this statement, Pareek highlights a pertinent point which has often been discussed around homosexuality debate. “The reason we have to hide and pretend all the time is that society will hate us. The only reason we live in depression most of the times and have suicidal thoughts are that we can’t tell anyone and not everyone is courageous to come out and face the trouble.”

Concluding her post, she shares an anecdote that moved many on social media, her inability to live with her partner which “looks like a distant dream”.

Read her full post here:

Our life would have been much easier had people accepted us. Since they don’t, so our life revolves around pretending and hiding.

Life gets complicated somehow. Especially if we go away from our home for further studies and share room with just another girl. It’s easy to hide for some time but can’t hide it all the time. If not everyone then room mate surely will get some hint. Though we don’t fall for every other girl but there are things which make us uncomfortable, and that’s the grey area where we find it difficult to hide. But then the problem is we can’t control it plus if we confess it then it will leave others uncomfortable around us. Like, the other day my room mate was asking me if her nipples were visible in the top she was wearing. I looked and told her no. But when I said this, I had a smile on my face which I could not control. Now this question was normal that two girls can ask each other but you tell me will she ask the same question the moment she gets to know that I’m a lesbian?

This was just a minute example that I gave but there are many things which makes us uncomfortable and people think that either we are weird or insane to smile for no specific reason.

The reason we have to hide and pretend all the time is that society will hate us. The only reason we live in depression most of the times and have suicidal thoughts are that we can’t tell anyone and not everyone is courageous to come out and face the trouble.

The other day my gf wanted to kiss me. I told her to wait for like years till we start living together because if anyone see us, we will be in jail. Though I consoled her, but here “living together” looks like a distant dream when my parents are worried about getting me married (obviously with a boy). They have no clue about anything.

Accepting the fact that there exists people of different genre can make our lives much more easy. Till then we are hiding and pretending to be straight. The problem is this mask can’t be affixed permanently.

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