5 Reasons Every Bi Woman Needs a Bi Guy Best Friend

I came out as bisexual when I was 18. I didn't have my first bi friend until I was 19. I didn't have my first bi best friend until last year, at 21.

When the cute guy from my rhetoric class commented on how hot our male professor was—effectively coming out to me—something clicked in my head. You see, that cute guy was also a good friend of mine. I knew he was attracted to women, but his queerness had completely slipped under my radar.

So when he was talking to me about how blue our professor's eyes were, how perfectly messed up his hair looked, and how big of a turn on his obvious intelligence was, my brain shouted at me that I finally found someone like me.

It might sound strange, like bisexuals are some kind of underground, elite society you have to have a password to gain access to. But, weirdly enough, that's kind of how it felt.

It wasn't until later that I thought about how awesome it was to not only have a bi bestie, but a bi guy bestie. Now, a year after that hot professor talk (I do agree that he was super hot, by the way), here's why I've decided that every bi gal needs a bi guy in their life:

1. The importance of besties of different genders

I think most people would agree that having friends of different genders than yourself is important. Society raises people of different genders in different ways. Sadly, by the time we are young adults, it has been ingrained in us to have different concerns, different behaviors, and different beliefs.

When I was thinking about coming out, my biggest concern was the concern we all have: Will I be accepted? Will I be safe?

My next biggest concerns were ones that I feel only existed because I am a cis woman: Will people think I'm just saying it for attention? Will they think I'm slutty? Will they assume I'm really straight?

It wasn't until talking to my bi guy bestie that I realized that a lot of cis bi men's second-tier concerns are totally different: Will they assume I'm really gay? Will women still want to date me? Will people think that I'm less of a man now?

Learning about how a shared experience affects different genders differently is fascinating. I may never have had the chance to think about how coming out as bi affects people of different genders differently without my bi dude.

2. The importance of never mislabeling you

Ever get tired of people messing up your identity? Do people introduce you as their lesbian friend or make jokes about how you've "picked a side" when you get into a serious relationship?

Bi bestie will never do that. He hates it when people do that to him, so he'd never to that to you.

3. The importance of checking out multiple genders

Every once in a while I'll be out with straight female friends and see an attractive woman. More often than not, I don't say anything out of fear that I might make it awkward or make them feel uncomfortable. Sure, pointing out a hot guy is more than fine, but pointing out someone of your own gender can feel inherently less easy. It could also out you at an inopportune time.

When you're with the bi guy bestie, not only will he be fine with your same-sex attractions, he'll share his own. Together you can gaze (non-creepily, of course) at attractive people of all genders without judgment or confusion.

4. The importance of real talk and debates

As previously mentioned, growing up identifying as different genders with different societal pressures and different experiences, will mean that you and your bi guy bestie are not always in sync. But mix that with the shared exprience of being bi in this society, and you'll find that you have so much to discuss.

Polyamory vs. monogamy. Is coming out necessary when you've only dated other genders? How would declarations of bisexuality be treated in an ideal world? Does the hugely common belief that everyone's a little bit bisexual have any merit at all?

These are perfect dinner topics for you and the bi bff.

5. The importance of just getting it

Living in a heteronormative world with rampant biphobia is not always the easiest task.

Don't underestimate the power of having a best friend who understands, who can roll their eyes with you, and can back you up.

To all the bi women of the world: If you haven't already, I sincerely hope you are able to find yourself a bi guy best friend who can comfort you, challenge you, and agree with you on the attractiveness of both Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson.

And to my bi guy best friend: Thanks for everything. You're a gem.