Daily Mail praises Theresa May for teaming up with right kind of terrorist sympathisers

The Daily Mail has expressed admiration for Theresa May for getting some right dodgy bastards to help her out.

The so-called “newspaper” has run a series of articles in the last years lambasting Jeremy “allotment pimp” Corbyn for hanging out with members of the IRA.

“But the DUP are associated with a completely different group of terrorists, so it’s fine to invite them into the government,” confirmed Simon Williams, one of the Daily Mail’s most senior tosspots.

“Plus they’re creationist, anti-abortionist climate change deniers. They’re basically part of our core demographic.

“Theresa May is to be commended for her political antennae here, as are we, to be honest.”

A spokesperson for Number 10 said, “we welcome the Daily Mail’s support.

“Bearing in mind their stance as a poverty-loving, women-hating, gay-bashing roll of used toilet paper, we believe they are going to be absolutely delighted with what we’ve got in store for the next five years.

“Everybody else should probably move to Sweden.”