We don't want to get into some big debate about intellectual property rights -- it's full of legal gray areas, and we're no lawyers. But we are confident in saying that some trademark and copyright claims are downright fucking ridiculous. For example ...

6 Haagen-Dazs Insists It Owns All Fake Scandinavian Words

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It's a well-known fact that imported stuff is always better than domestic. With that in mind, is it any surprise that Haagen-Dazs ice cream remains one of the most successful brands in your grocer's frozen department? With its Danish sophistication, European subtlety, and totally-badass-metal umlaut, it runs caramel swirls around domestic swill like Ben & Jerry's. Wait, no, never mind. Not only has Haagen-Dazs always been an American brand, but it turns out that "Haagen" and "Dazs" aren't even real Danish words (or real words in any language).

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"Holbaek" and "Koge," however, are real Danish cities and are delicious.

In fact, it's so not-Scandinavian that the company was founded in the Bronx in 1959 by Polish immigrants Reuben and Rose Mattus when they put some random letters together to make a name that sounded vaguely Scandinavian to their ears. That no one lodged any complaints about their deliberate deception is amazing; that they tried to sue someone else for doing the exact same thing is mind-blowing.

It happened in 1980, when Richard Smith had the same idea they did and began selling his own domestic ice cream under the name "Frusen Gladje" -- which, shockingly enough, are real words ("frusen gladje" means "frozen joy" in Swedish). Haagen-Dazs, no doubt filled with rage that someone had had the presence of mind to pick up an English-Swedish dictionary, took them to court over the right to pretend to be Scandinavian.

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Ah yes, the 34th Amendment.

No, really. The lawsuit alleged that Frusen Gladje had stolen several of their ideas, including (a) pretending to be European, (b) using a map of Scandinavia in their advertising, and (c) including serving directions on the package (seriously).