I’ve figured out Google’s grand plan for world domination. More or less.

See if this makes sense to you. It sure did last night when I was sipping whiskey on my back porch.

Google’s business is built on collecting data about people and then selling those people highly targeted ads. The more data they collect, the more ads they can sell.

That’s why they introduced Google +. Facebook was getting too doggone much of the information collection market. Even Twitter was honing in. Every tweet was one little snippet that was out of reach of Google. So Plus was a bold grab at world info marketshare.

if you don’t think this is the name of the game, look at what happened this week with pharmaceutical companies. Facebook reversed their decision that had allowed pharma companies to not have comments on their pages. This provides potential costs, complications and legal ramifications for these folks that I won’t get into here, but you can read about it more thoroughly in this scintillating coverage from the Pharma Times.

Nobody seems to know why Facebook did this. Except me of course. It’s all clear. Or a wild guess. You decide. The way I see it, if Facebook pages don’t have comments, Facebook can’t collect information. If they can’t collect information, they can’t sell targeted ads. And they HATE that.

But I digress. In the whole big global pie of digital information, there is one gold mine that has yet to be tapped. In fact, it might be the motherlode of personal information and it lies tantalizingly out of reach of Google, of Facebook, of everyone.

Text messages.

The world sends billions of text messages every year. Or is it every day? I can never be sure of these numbers. I usually make my facts up anyway. 57.8 percent of all statistics are made up. You can take that to the bank.

But I digress again. Now, how in the world would Google ever get access to text messages? Hmmm … perhaps they should buy a mobile phone company like Motorola! Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit. They just did that.

Android Shmandroid. Google wants the text messages!

Now there is this sticky little issue of privacy to overcome. To really get access to text messages, you would have to obtain people’s permission to actually give up their most intimate thoughts and dreams to the Internet.

Who would be stupid enough to do that? Wait, wait … I know this one! TEENAGERS. Hell, they already spill their lives all over Facebook every day anyway.

What would it take for a high schooler to give up the nano-particle of privacy they have left and let Google listen to their text stream? How about a free smartphone, complete with all the latest Google Goodies? How many teenagers would give up their text privacy for a new smartphone every year? All of them. That is a scientific fact. I saw it on The View.

Let’s look at how the economics would play out. Let’s say the manufacturing cost of a smartphone is $25. Do you think Google could sell the equivalent of $25 worth of new ads over the course of a year to reach a break-even? You betcha. I’d buy stock in that.

So that is the plan. While Mark Zuckerberg’s personal fortune is climbing by a billion dollars a year (or is it a day?) Google is going to data-mine text messages all day long and kick his Silicon Valley ass to the curb. That really is the plan. I read it on Twitter. Or maybe it was Harvard Business Review. Oh well, same thing.

Does any of this make sense or do I have to cut out caffeine?

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