Alright, so you’re single, socially awkward, and attempting to find love on the Internet. That’s cool, no judgment here. It never occurred to me that this sort of thing would be necessary, but apparently it is: reasons I didn’t reply to your message on OkCupid.

I Don’t Find You Attractive

I am picky; this is why I have an OkCupid. I’m just going to say it: there are a lot of things I’m just not okay with, hence why such a large pool of men for my perusal is necessary in the first place. If I didn’t reply to your message, it may have something to with your picture. If you are not attractive to me, I will not reply to your message. If your face isn’t in your picture, I will not reply to your message. If you do not have a picture, I will not reply to your message.

Casual Sex

Let’s say you are actually a decently attractive, seemingly nice guy. Well then – my lack of response must have something to do with the content of your message. If the phrase ‘causal sex’ is in your message, I will not be sending a response. Being a young woman in a big (ish) city, if I were looking for casual sex, I would not need the Internet.

You Need an Ego Boost

If your message essentially reads “You probably won’t reply to this, because I see that you’re way too smart and beautiful for me, but I’m going to send this overly flattering message anyway, on the off chance that you’ll talk to me,” then ding ding ding, you’re right! I am not going to reply to your plea for a compliment.

Grammar is Sexy

If you don’t know the difference between “you’re,” and “your,” I will not reply to your message. If your message starts “Ay yo gurl! Yu sexci,” I will not reply to your message. If you pass for an illiterate person or sound like a sixth grader, I will not reply to your message.

You’re a Double-Texter

There is nothing less sexy/ more embarrassing than a double text, so why in the world would you think it’s okay to send me two messages within minutes of each other? You don’t even have my phone number yet and I already feel like you’re stalking me. Also, I am this close to blocking you if you send me “What a cutie J” one more time.

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