Day One Hundred and Ninety-Six: No Direction and All Alone

Wilhelm's head implodes in my grip, the tear on his face has widened and covered his eye. It looks like a scar. I've never taken him out of my work locker before, it's a little jarring not to hear my manager bitching at me when I unclench. This time, instead of her, it's someone just as annoying.

"What's that?"

I let out a soft, exasperated breath. "It's an otter," I say to Olaf.

"Oh, I don't think I've seen that before," he replies curiously.

"That's cause it's new," I lied.

"Hmm...well it's cute. I like it!"

"Thanks…" Not like I needed your approval, but whatever. I know I shouldn't be shitting on Olaf like this, he's literally the only person I've seen in days since the latest "incident". But the physical embodiment of a sugar rush is the last person I wanna be around right now.

And the one person I do wanna be around must not want anything to do with me anymore. Goddamn stupid, Anna. So fucking stupid.

What happened to waiting, huh? What happened to keeping your distance? No, you just had to dive in and tell her. You couldn't wait just...uh…

"What week is this?"

"Week twenty-eight," Olaf replies without hesitation.

You couldn't wait just twenty-four more weeks? Ugh, I mean when you put it in those numbers, that is a really long time so I shouldn't blame you for being impatient, but I do. I definitely do. If you didn't have these fucking feelings come back in the first place, then we wouldn't be in this mess.

...I miss Elsa.

"Anna, I get the sense that you don't want to check in this week."

I scoff, "Really? What makes you say that?"

"Well you haven't answered any of my questions. And you look like you'd much rather be anywhere else. Can I ask about the sudden change in behavior?"

"No."

"Was it something that I said?"

"No." So I guess when I said I didn't want to talk about this, he just didn't listen. Great.

"Does this have anything to do with Elsa?"

"No." That was way too quick, Anna, and way too harsh. If Olaf doesn't think something's going on, then he's a bigger idiot than you are.

"Hmm…" he mumbles dauntingly. "Well, Elsa let me know that she wasn't going to be at check-in this week. She didn't say why, and I'm not going to ask if you know anything about that. I just want to remind you that missing two check-ins in a row will result in an automatic disqualification."

"I'll make sure to tell her," I say, trying to sound disinterested.

"Hopefully she's back by next week, I wanted to continue our conversation about water having memory."

I hope so too…

"What was that, Anna?"

Ugh, of course I said that out loud. I slowly tilt my head to look at him, "Nothing. Are we done now?"

Just say yes, Olaf. Just say that we're done so I can go back in my room and cry, or watch TV, or both. Probably both. Just say yes so I can stay here for one week longer before I'm pushed out and never get to see Elsa again. Just let me have this, Olaf.

Please.

Maybe he senses the pleading thoughts in my mind, or maybe the look of frustration I'm trying to convey looks more like pitiful sadness, because he nods. Good, that makes one thing that went right this week.

I walk to my room and turn the knob.

"Anna?" Olaf asks, because of course things can't go right just once.

This time, when I sigh, I don't try to hide it. "What is it?"

"Is...everything okay between you and Elsa?"

I clench both of my hands, choking the life out of Wilhelm and my doorknob. Of course things aren't okay between me and Elsa. I didn't even know she was gone until Olaf told me. I mean I had my suspicions when her room was eerily quiet and I never once saw her leave it, but who knows when she left. Or when she's coming back.

If she's coming back.

Right now, I don't know what feeling is stronger: how much I miss her, or how much I hate myself. Both feelings suck, and I probably shouldn't want to see her again this bad after fucking things up again, but that's all I want.

I want to see her, I want to be with her, I want her. Not in that way- okay, not just in that way.

I put my own feelings before her own and before the contest was even over. Hell, I don't even know whatever it is that she might feel about me. Which, considering she's not even at the fucking hotel, I don't think she feels the same way.

And why would she?

While she's been going to therapy and taking medication and learning how to be a better person, I've just been the same, shitty Anna. Doing the same, shitty Anna things to her, and saying the same, shitty Anna words. There's no way she loved me back, if she ever did.

But Olaf doesn't need to know about this, not when I want to live here for as long as I can before being pushed back into my same, shitty Anna life.

"Everything's the same," I tell him.

Which isn't technically a lie, but I wish it wasn't the truth either.

A/N: Shortest chapter ever, I know. Don't worry, you only have to wait a week for a...slightly longer one.