In a traditional marriage a woman’s father “gives her away” to her husband to be. It’s a symbolic act and a traditional part of the wedding ceremony. We probably all think it’s cute. It’s not. The symbolism underpins a very clear expectation. Society is expecting the man to take on the role of father to his new wife.

A husband is expected to protect, nurture, provide for and care for his new child. He must forgive her shortcomings and failures. He must make allowances for the fact that she is only a child.

She in turn will respond as a child by never giving up coping behaviors exhibited by children such as crying for attention and to avoid blame, tantrums, violence and sulking. She will demand the attention of her husband and be desperate that he constantly reaffirms his love. But, although a woman values her husband as a provider and protector, as well as a gene source, she reserves her love for her children. That’s not to say she has no love for her husband, she does, but she loves him in a similar way to the love she holds for her parents. It’s dependent on the protection, nurturing and providing he is able to give.

Society never expects its female children to grow up. They are never held fully accountable for the crimes they commit, they are excused the mistakes they make and the violence they commit. They aren’t expected to support themselves or build an independent life capable of supporting them for the rest of their life. They are never expected to defend the space the occupy and are allowed to run and hide. Like children.

But this isn’t true of all women. Some women reject the notion that they should be perpetual children. They reject the idea that they must be dependent on others to live and survive. They build their own independent lives, defend their own space and create a future for themselves. There is nothing in being female that inevitably makes a person incapable of growing into a self sustaining independent adult. Women who choose to live the life of a child choose it because it’s easy and because society let’s them.

We need to end this crazy messed up artificial construct. It holds women back. It destroys men’s lives and enslaves them to a group of people who have been allowed to live as children for their whole lives.