Recently I attended my first nephews baby shower. The party was filled with a bunch of people I didn’t know. My social anxiety hit the roof, and I spiraled until my brain chose to do something unexpected. For some unknown reason my brain reminded me to look at the event as character development research. As quickly as my panic attack came on, I went away and left me with a treasure trove of resources for later use.

So, lets break down what exactly happened, and then I will give you the mental tools to do the same.

Comfort Zones

As writers we spend so much time alone writing, that we forget how to act like human beings and talk to people. It is often like an axe murdererwalked into the party, raised his axe high in the air with an ultimatum to be interesting, and our response is to scream and throw our drink into the murderers face and flee. The problem is that social anxiety has a compounding factor. For every second of awkwardness we feel, the pressure to be interesting intensifies until we erupt into a social fauxpax.

Small Talk

As writers we spend so much of our time re reading our writing and hold back the urge to vomit at our fluff. Fluff is the prose that you want to hunt and kill like the axe murderer mentioned above. We hate seeing it, so it is expected we would only want to say things of value and merit, and here you are forced to talk about stuff that has no real bearing on your day to day life. This is normal. Take a deep breath and just read on.

Lack of Common Interests

As writers we find it hard to converse with “normal” people. Normal people tend to have active social lives that revolve around parties and watching a lot of TV. Typically, they are following the lifestyles of celebrities you have never heard of. Maybe they are super into sports, and your idea of a pleasing sports event is watching a Qudditch match. It is important to remember that even though you dont care about the same things and or people that they do, means it has no value. Everyone has a right to thier interests, and it pays to ask questions about them.

Tools to Use

People Watch As Research.

It is amazing was a slight shift in perspective can do to help with this one. There is so much verbal and non verbal communication being thrown around at events, and it pays to observe them. watch how people interact with each other taking note of thier body posture, hand gestgures, or even the volume of thier voice. Do you hear any interesting laughs, or interesting groupings of cliques?

Paying attention to these interactions is our lifeblood as writers. If we cannot disect these actions, how can we ever communicate them through words alone? This is what we activley try to emulate with our writing as we tell our stories, because if our characters communication isnt coming off naturally, we arent doing our story justice.

Another side game you can play while people watching, is coming up with elaborate secret backgrounds for the people you are observing. Make them sharp in contrast to thier appearance, and reconcile how they got to this momment at the party. You never know, there may be a hidden story idea gem in there for you. It helps exercise the writing muscles.

Self Promotion

Ah, the dreded two words that make the most willful writer shrivel up and die. We hate talking about ourselves and our work because we are scared it will seem too boastful and turn people off. I’m going to tell you a secret. Most people will never write that book that is inside them. Some will start it, but few finish. The people you are talking to know this.

It is perfectly okay to inform people what you have written. If you havent finished yet, hope is not lost. This is the perfect time to fine tune your elevator speech. If they dont get your premise, it is a sign and agent wont get it either, so take mental notes of what people respond to and try again next party.

I usually tie this part up by asking if they have ever considered writing, because I can guarantee you everyone has at least ONE book idea. This is the perfect opportunity to urge them to get started, and help them with any mental blocks or tips you have lerned along the way. This is a productive self promotion tool in that now this person will remember you and your advice, because you positivley impacted thier life. Wether they take the plunge and write is neither here nor there, because you made someones day by telling them about your work. ( It’s all about perspective.)

Diflecting Attention

This is by far my most used diflection technique. Ask people about thier lives, and backgrounds. Non introverts will always want to talk about themselves. ( it isnt a negative, they just happen to be more apt at sharing thier life experiences than others.)

‘Peel The Onion’ as it were, and learn how thier life experiences made them. Use these layers with your own characters. Now, I am NOT saying to rip off someones life for a character without the persons permission. What I mean is to learn how small life events lead to large ones.

You will find with this technique people will leave the conversation with nothing but positive things to say about you, because you were open and receptive to thier experiences. This also leaves you with future customers. Being personable and likleable are the most important pillars to your Author Platform.

find the common ground

Even if all you have in common is being a Human being, there is something you can learn from them. Life is not a constant game of one-upmanship. We are all going through life together, so we might as well learn from each other in some way or another.

Any tips or tricks you have found help out? Let us know!!! (a.k.a. Leave a comment)