When Erections No Longer Work the Way They Used To

The devastating silence about erectile dysfunction

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Erectile dysfunction (ED) affects approximately 52% of men between the age of 40 and 70. It is a staggering figure and yet it is a subject that is not openly talked about, leaving a lot of men thinking they are alone in their experience, and that they are less of a man.

Getting older is unavoidable and as men reach their 40s and beyond the likelihood of ED becoming part of life increase dramatically. The effects of just one experience of not being able to get a strong erection, or an erection fails to stay, can be devastating for many men who so far have, more or less, experienced a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Men who are used to relying on their penis to perform, may become fearful of intimate situations with their partner. Where before they used to experience enjoyment and sexual connection, anxiety sets in and the muscles in the whole body, including the penis, tense up reducing the flow of blood relied on to achieve an erection.

Additionally, anxiety stops the sexual brain from being switched on, influencing the psychological ability to get aroused or feel desire. The downward spiral continues with avoiding intimate situations, feeling the closeness of their partner as pressure to perform, rather than an opportunity to just be close and reconnect. Other areas, such a work and social life, can be affected too as self-esteem begin to suffer.

Some men accept that a failing erection is part of life while a few will “try out” their ability to perform by using porn, having an affair or exploring possibilities through sensual massage. Reassuring themselves that they haven’t lost the knack, while avoiding the embarrassment of talking openly about their experience with their partner.

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Talking about it is so difficult

It isn’t the ED that damages a relationship; avoiding the conversation causes more harm. As the truth is locked away, distance and suspicion will inevitably be the ultimate destruction in any relationship.

While it can be a difficult subject to talk about with the risk of an incredibly deep feeling of vulnerability, being open and honest will protect a relationship from the otherwise devastating consequences of silence.

Creating an understanding in the relationship about what is going on will erase and even stop any misunderstanding of the lack of connection or suspicion of deceit. With both partners accepting the situation, they will be able to work towards a solution and build a closer and more considerate relationship.

A practical approach

As well as talking, there are some practical actions that can help intimacy be part of the relationship once again:

ED can be a sign of more serious physical conditions. Always consult a doctor to rule out anything underlying that should have immediate medical attention.

Psycho-sexual therapy can make a big difference in getting intimacy back on track. With a unique and individual approach to sexual issues, the focus will be on the intimate relationship, and enhancing the feeling of connection between partners.

Relaxation or mindfulness can improve the state of mind, and unwind muscle tension. This in turn can affect the ability to connect both physically as well as psychologically and emotionally.

Improving health and fitness levels can also improve circulation, self image and self esteem. More importantly, feeling better will increase the likelihood of wanting to be intimate again.

Pills such as Viagra or Chalice can help bring on an erection, though there are other consequences to consider before venturing down this route. Always consult a doctor before taking any pills that promote helping with ED.

While ED might be a normal physical part of ageing, it doesn’t have to rule anyone’s life. Taking action will give a feeling of being in charge of life again and in most cases when working as a team, action will improve the quality of intimacy for both partners.