As a white cishet male in 2019 America, I realize I can’t apologize enough for being born this way. I can’t do anything about the intrinsic characteristics that make me a part of the problem, but at least I can feel bad about it. Sure, people who look like me put a man who looks like me on the moon, and people who look like me invented the device you’re reading this on right now, but what have they done for us lately?

I realize that all my personal choices are bad, because I’m the one making them. Even if I’m not hurting anybody by watching white people on TV or listening to white people music, I’m still in need of a privilege check. But what about the decisions I make that really do hurt people? For example: Killing the planet by picking the wrong things at the grocery store!

Hannah Sparks, NY Post:

Caucasian populations are disproportionately contributing to climate change through their eating habits, which uses up more food — and emits more greenhouse gases — than the typical diets of black and Latinx communities, according to a new report published in the Journal of Industrial Ecology…

Potatoes, beef, apples and milk are some of the worst offenders.

They also found the diets of white people required 328,000 liters of water on average per year. Latinx used just 307,000 liters, and blacks 311,800.

Well, there you go. Once again, white people are the worst. That’s just science.

Here’s Joe Bozeman, one of the co-authors of the study, to explain:

I have no idea what any of that means, but he doesn’t look like me so he must be right.

Presumably, any potatoes, beef, apples, and milk consumed by non-whites should be less problematic. I think it’s still okay for POC to pick up a Big Mac with fries, an apple pie, and a shake. (Also, everybody working at McDonald’s should make at least $15 an hour before they’re replaced by machines.) And AOC and her chief of staff Saikat Chakrabarti can relax. They’re exempt:

Hi AOC, why is your Chief of Staff eating a hamburger? smh pic.twitter.com/sJanAC1Oz2 — Caleb Hull (@CalebJHull) February 27, 2019

But anybody who’s paler than Obama needs to stop eating immediately, before we all die from global warming. Shame on us, fellow white people. Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame!