If Job Posters On craiglist Were Forced To Tell The Truth

Senior Graphic Artist (Somewhere?)

Reply to: job-40404040X@craigslist.org [?!]

Date: 2008-13-19, 6:66PM PST

Shifty Graphics Corporation (SGC), an industry leading company, is looking for highly expendable people to fill in some random slots in the company roster. Due to pyromaniac related reasons, we are currently undergoing a company restructuring and are striving to not scare people with our incredibly obtuse reputation, as we are laying people off left and right as we speak due to extreme paranoia. We are searching for versatile, independent, and financially desperate people who don’t require food, air, water or love. Not requiring respect is an additional asset as well as okay with not being seen as human.



Applicants must have a firm working knowledge of Photoshop, because everybody knows how to use Photoshop due to magic. As an economically efficient bonus, you will be able to use your own copy of Photoshop comfortably to do work for us, you know “Contract Work”, great for dodging “Big Brother’s Magical Audit Adventure”

Possessing 5-6 years of industry experience is essential, not so much as knowing the same milkman or hairdresser, but it looks good on a job posting to ask anyway.



Comprehensive knowledge of paragraph breaks is also highly desirable. Additionally, you must be adept at licking boot, sucking up, and not counting missed pay days, because I’m sure doing that is probably frowned upon in some Asian culture, and that would be sad, since all of our competitors are from Asia and crushing our skulls like you wouldn’t believe.

Successful candidates will join our award-winning team… if bowling trophies count as awards, and why wouldn’t they? You will act as a proud and dignified “Yes Man” who will openly express his diverse ideas and expertise — to a wall.



Please send your CV with a cover letter. If possible, make it as thin and concise as possible. Our last paper shredder broke, and we’ve got a bit of a surplus on kindling… hence the recent fire. Really big resumes will be incinerated directly, since we can’t afford another shredder.

We are looking forward to hearing from you, one of you at least. To the rest of you; AHAHAHA!

* Location: Downtown (Half the fun is guessing where!)

* Compensation: WTF

* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.

* Please, no phone calls about this job!

* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

* Please do not shoot the job poster, because they really don’t like getting shot

* Please do not perform magic tricks at the interview

* Please do not bring animals with sharp pointy claws to the interview

* Please do not give us up

* Please do not let us down

* Please do not run around and desert us

PostingID: 40404040X

