Lye is the the most basic ingredient in soap-making, pun intended! (It’s actually an acid, with a pH of 13) You’ll need about 30 of these. The more the merrier. It takes a lot of soap to get that body clean.

Item 2: plastic basin for mixing your ingredients

I use this fantastic foldable dog pet swimming pool bathing tub. It’s so easy to carry and lord knows, your hands will be full! You’d be amazed at just how much volume this puppy can take (pun intended again!) And once you’re done making your soap, your dog will love it! Make sure you clean it out though… nobody likes a hairless pooch covered in acid burns!

Item 3: large camping stove

Some people, myself included, like to make their soap in the privacy of the woods. The deeper you are in the woods, the farther you’ll be from any other people who might be disturbed by the sounds of your soap-making. Making soap is an intensely personal process, and my soap is of a much higher quality when I can make it without worrying that someone might discover me. Mind your own beeswax, am I right?! Hahaha.

Make sure you heat that lye to about 300 degrees. That’s the best temperature for breaking down any unwanted chunks or fragments, leaving you with a smooth, buttery liquid that can either be used to make soap or can be poured down a drain or into a body of water where nobody will ever see it again.

Item 4: Shovel

https://www.amazon.com/Temper-Digging-Hardwood-Handle-2585900/dp/B01LYXVBLZ/ref=asc_df_B01LYXVBLZ/?linkCode=df0&hvadid=193150648923&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13561364077945370860&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9067609&hvtargid=pla-375566698477&psc=1&tag=barstool04-20

Making soap doesn’t always go the way you want it to. It’s a tricky process, and you can follow the directions meticulously but you don’t always finish the job due to variables like your wife being a lot bigger than you thought, so you don’t have enough lye to make enough soap for her enormous body. Anything can come up and when you’re deep in the forest, the last thing you want is to return home for more ingredients. The true temper d-grip digging shovel is the perfect solution for burying all your tools so that nobody will touch them until you can return at a later date to finish the job. Ya dig?!

Item 4: waterproof tarp

This item goes hand-in-hand with the shovel. When you’re burying your stove and your lye and whatever else you may need to bury, you don’t want the earthworms and creepy crawlers coming in to destroy your project. Also, if you wrap the tarp really tightly, it should make it much harder for any bloodhounds to catch the scent of your soap. And we all know how much those fucking dogs love soap. They’ll bark and bark and bring an entire army of soap-searchers down on your site, and you’ll have a lot of questions to answer. Do yourself a favor and buy the tarp.

PS- the man is not included. But if you need a guy to help you make your soap, let me know. I know a few kids who can keep their mouths shut for a price.