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Members of the House of Lords have warned in no uncertain terms that they will go on strike unless their payment of £300 a day for turning up at the Houses of Parliament is increased.

Millionaire conservative donor Lord Farmer said “No-one wants to go on strike but how can anyone survive on £1500 a week for just signing in and pissing off again? We’re sick of being taken for granted and unless we get a dramatic pay rise we’ll have to withdraw our services for a day and the people will just have to deal with the consequences.

“Obviously we’ll have an emergency aristocracy service where if a Lord is desperately needed, we’ll make sure someone turns up with a fur lined coat, a wife wearing a tiara and immediately starts quaffing state funded champagne and spouting out of touch shit. It will be just a skeleton service until the next morning, or afternoon or whenever we normally rock in.”

Mayor of London and friend to the Lords, Boris Johnson, has urged the peers to reconsider their actions

“Everyone wants more money for doing bugger all, but just abandoning their positions like that is irresponsible. It’ll leave poor people in a precarious position where they won’t know who to doff their caps to.”

One member of the public said “It’ll be very inconvenient but I think we can manage a day without fawning deference. The Government are just going to have to put their hands in their pockets.”