I, Anonymous: So You Were Born in Seattle. Want an Award?

Steven Weissman

Congratulations on having chosen such an excellent place to be born. Some of us completely uprooted our lives, quit our jobs, packed all our things, and moved thousands of miles away from our families and friends, basically starting over, just to be here because we love it so much. But definitely your sense of entitlement to this place, having never lived more than 100 miles from where chance planted you, is entirely justified. Please tell me more about how much better it used to be before the transplants invaded. Or maybe instead just shut the fuck up and do something with your life, so that you, too, may one day have an accomplishment to talk about other than having been born.