Three FBS schools announced new coaching hires today as Illinois welcomes Tequila Sunrise, formerly of Cal Poly, and Memphis brings on True Pierce, formerly of Savannah State, and University of Louisiana-Monroe hires My WhoDeWho from Albany.

CHAMPAIGN, Ill.

Illinois sits at 0-3 on the year and desperately needed to make a change in order to compete in the B1G now that the conference schedule is fully underway. Coach Tequila Sunrise was intrigued by the prestige of coaching in a P5 conference.

“I’ve always wanted to go to the big show in FBS. Not to say FCS is bad, I loved my time there, but it just doesn’t have the same feel.”

Sunrise wore his signature Hawaiian shirt to the press conference but today it was blue and covered with big orange “I”s. Cal Poly was 2-1 so far this year under Sunrise’s leadership and he plans to bring the same level of success to the Fighting Illini.

“4th quarter offense. No lead is safe when I play against someone, no matter how little time remains. In my time in FCS both my wins were comebacks with less than 2 minutes remaining, and in my loss I nearly overcame a 24 point deficit with 3 [minutes] to play.”

Some Illinois boosters were disgruntled with the hire but Tequila believes he has what it takes to right the ship. He pointed to his past experience as proof that he is the right man for the job.

“I was a FBS coach halfway through last year and I nearly guided below 500 Washington state to a bowl, and was ranked #6 in FCS before my retirement. And honestly, it can’t be any worse than what the team is now, at 0-3.”

MONROE, Louisiana.

Head Coach My WhoDeWho agreed to answer a few questions around heaping mouthfuls of piping hot gumbo. He pointed at the pot in front of him when asked why he accepted the ULM job.

“A few things: one, you can’t beat the gumbo. But secondly it was a week 6 matchup against a certain foe that I know very, very well.”

Coach is referring to the much anticipated game against Texas State. He plans to implement an impressive defensive scheme in order to see Sun Belt success.

“Well up in Albany we built the team on defense . There was nothing like slinging the ball but, coming off our 34-0 shutout, the defense that I built is solid a force to be reckoned with. I’m going to bring that same defensive might to ULM.”

ULM sits at 1-2 on the year and is ready for improvement from their leadership. Coach WhoDeWho did take a minute to talk with the Albany players before boarding the plane to Louisiana.

“I told them that they could transfer any time. No, haha, I told them I know they will be fine without me and the next coach will do a fine job. Not great but fine.”

MEMPHIS, Tenn.

Tiger faithful lined both sides of the exit ramp at the airport as Head Coach True Pierce made his first appearance, wearing a blue windbreaker and Memphis Tiger ball cap. He is thrilled to be taking the wheel at Memphis and made it clear he was not making this move on a whim.

“Moving up to FBS was always one of my goals, especially if it was a program somewhat close to my home in Atlanta, so when I heard Memphis was open and no one else was interested, I jumped on it.”

Coach Pierce hopes to overcome the 0-3 hole that the former coach left him with and make a real statement in the American over the next nine weeks.

“My goal is to make noise in conference play and make a bowl. The last coach left me in a big hole by going 0-3 to start the season, so I have to be realistic with myself.”

Coach has already met with the players and started implementing the new strategy.

“I handed them the new playbook and let everyone know that every position is an open battle. I only want the most committed players on the field. There’s a new culture being set.”

The hire has been met with some opposition as Savannah State was only 1-0 so far this year but Pierce believes those who doubt will soon see there is no need to be upset.

“I’ve always believed new ideas > tradition. Revolution doesn’t come from not taking risks.”