On Tuesday afternoon, Texas A&M archaeologists announced the discovery of ancient artifacts that suggest some sort of ritualistic Thanksgiving conflict between A&M and The University of Texas. The new findings, as reported by Dr. Ted Goebel, contradict the strongly-held administrative belief that A&M and UT are not rivals, and indeed have always been better off ignoring each other.

Researchers recovered numerous antique video clips, box score records, and unauthorized profane merchandise that point to a yearly conflict fought between the Aggie and Longhorn football teams. Surprisingly, these battles appear to have been carried out on school campuses (rather than a neutral site owned by an egomaniacal billionaire) on Thanksgiving, a time historically devoted to the annual A&M-LSU rivalry game.

While the university’s administration has allowed Goebel’s findings to be published, they vehemently deny such a conflict ever existed. “Nope, nope, nope,” said Athletic Director Scott Woodward. “Our records show no such thing. A&M and UT have always been acquaintances at best. LSU is our rival. Innovation is tradition. Ignorance is strength. Please come to our volleyball games.”

The Mugdown reached out to UT representatives by phone call for comment on the discovery. They responded by giggling and repeating “27-25, baby” until they got bored and hung up.

—Hullazakoo