mia loves henry miller

Letter 31 – Cher, Burlesque and Thin Air

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” —George Bernard Shaw

mia loves henry miller

Letter 31 – Cher, Burlesque and Thin Air

I’m writing this letter on 1/28/12 at 7:12 p.m.

Dear Henry,

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” –George Bernard Shaw

It’s the day after my birthday. I feel sick, fever, chills and puking much of the day, and it’s not because I partied hard last night. I think I’m coming down with the flu and became over exhausted by doing so much to get ready to have a small get together at my loft last night. I had a few family members, good friends and performers from the burlesque troupe over for dinner and cake at the loft. I made a slow cooked roast beef, corn, mashed potatoes and gravy. It was nice to celebrate with a small group of friends and loved ones. But from now on – NO MORE PARTIES! NO MORE BIRTHDAYS! Both are over rated. I think that the only thing I like about having a birthday is reading all the birthday wishes from friends from all over the world, posted on my Facebook page. I had so many Happy Birthday comments that it’s been hard to reply with a thank you to every birthday wish posted.

Are you aware Henry – that I was born on Mozart’s B-day, January 27. I cannot play a musical instrument. However, my computer keyboard is much like a piano to me. I type fast and passionately when I write. My fingers fly over the keyboards rapidly as if I were playing a great composition. I adore the delicious sounds that my long, painted fingernails make when they are striking my keyboard. It makes a rapid, click – clacking noise that is much like music to my ears and soul. Sometimes, late at night, when I cannot sleep, I hear cadences and words obsessively playing in my mind, as if it were hypnotic notes of music. It haunts me and will not stop until I compose a piece of poetry.

Phantom in My Soul He comes in the night On a beam of moonlight He wakes me from my dreams Surprised when he comes At a quarter past one Yet, I don’t even scream He sings in my mind Words laced with rhyme He’s always there Muse: Sweet Poetess I’ve come My poem’s just begun I’m the spirit you breathe in the air He speaks in my mind Passionate rhyme Spun from ancient lore In visions we dine Have a wonderful time As we dance on Heaven’s floor I feel when he’s near Without pain or fear I succumb to him Muse: Sweet Poetess your mine My servant to rhyme Submit to the phantom within The more he whispers to me His poetry He draws me near And when he chimes Sweet rhythm and rhyme His words are clear Seduced by a voice Without any choice I listen to the phantom who speaks in my soul Muse: You can’t escape my spell To the Poetess I tell My gift’s a bottomless hole When he’s in my mind He takes me beyond space and time Into dimensions unknown And then in that world Emotions and poetry swirl And somehow I’ve grown But sometimes I cry Because I’ve said goodbye When I needed a break from my muse Yet, what have I done? He was the one I didn’t want to lose When he whispers no sound I look all around I miss him so much I crave for his rhyme Words so sublime I yearn for his touch Then he calls to me With his poetry Out of the blue Muse: Sweet poet of mine Don’t shut me out of your mind You need me as much as I need you Soul: I’ve missed your words And your poetry world Please come back to me Without you near I don’t want to be here Its misery I feel so lost At night turn and toss I’ve missed you so much Muse: Sweet Poetess of mine You’re addicted to rhyme Then deeply in my soul I felt his touch.- Mia

I have less than one week before the production of our next burlesque show. I feel anxiety as normal, wondering how I’m going to make the budget to pay for the show, hoping for a large enough audience, and that all my promotional work pays off. I often wish that reality was like Hollywood movies, and that money would come from thin air and save my show. I’ve been working hard, trying to finish enough letters written to you, to be able to publish this book, Mia Loves Henry Miller, Book Number One – Mysteries and Journeys, so that I can sell them at shows and other places online, book stores, adult toy Stores, boutiques, etc. I’m anticipating publishing this provocative book, after I have written 50 letters to you, Henry. I’m determined to make an abundance of money in my future with my writing my art and my burlesque show. I deserve it!

I’m going to remain hopeful that luck is on my side and a miracle will appear much like it did for Cher in the movie, Burlesque, so that I can continue on with my dream, producing this astounding show. However, if it does not pan out within a year, I’m afraid that I will have to possibly cease things. I have been doing this over almost twelve years. It costs me and my husband all of our savings to invest in performers, advertising, costumes, props, etc. I sacrifice having a car, new clothes, new furniture, just to keep this show going, and I often wonder if I’m spinning my wheels in slick, wet mud. I have to believe that with my determination and tenacity, that everything will work out. I wish money would come from thin air like it did for Cher! It seems like such a Hollywood fantasy. I’m mostly an optimistic person. I’d like to believe the dreams really do come true.

I started this show so I could use my creative license with music that I find passionate and inspiring, as well as use my creative license with my artistic, neo-style in my burlesque numbers. I remember how much easier it was to just show up for a burlesque show, which someone else was producing, as a performer, and just do what I love to do on stage, without the work – administration, show and drama stuff. But, then, I was stuck having to use music that did not inspire me, or perform in a style that the producer desired, and I did not. I am a free spirit and I cannot change that. Now, I’m so busy putting the show together that I hardly have the time to rehearse my own burlesque numbers. I’m lucky if I can get enough time to rehearse my magic to perform with The Illusionettes.

“Nikki: I will not be upstaged by some slut with mutant lungs” –Movie, Burlesque

The task of running a show of this quality and size seems so overwhelming. Between booking acts, keeping the performers drama free during a show, and promoting and organizing the show, I may have lost the fun of performing. I wish that I had someone to guide me, to tell me if I should continue to move forward or to cease it before I’m further in debt and another year older. But, I’m afraid that if I quit now, there is no coming back. I would lose all that I have worked for. I could also be quitting right before turning the corner to financial success.

“A mother’s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking.” –Helen Steiner Rice

Being the Matriarch of a burlesque troupe is often like being the mother of a large family. It is often a thankless job. I have to make difficult decisions that not everyone will like. I have to make sure that I have the financial budget to support the show. I have to remain strong, so that I can keep the order of the troupe, keep drama to a low level, and protect what I’ have built. I have to do all the promotional work, because I have not found anyone that I can trust enough to follow through with the large task of promoting a show well. At this point it seems easier for me to do it, than continuously nag the person I asked to do it. I also have to come up with a large budget to pay for performers, yet, I don’t receive any kind of pay for my efforts. My performers always come first. Instead of putting myself at the top of the pay list, I sacrifice my pay so another performer can have it and the opportunity to be showcased onstage. Maybe that sounds fucked up, but I believe in treating my performers fairly. I feel that if they work for me, they deserve to be paid for their time and talent.

“Sean: [talking about the money Tess needs to save the club] It’s just money. It’s just a number.

Tess: I know, but… do you think I could do it?

[Sean shakes his head]

Tess: Tell me a lie.

Sean: I need your expert sewing skills.

Tess: Tell me a *new* lie.

Sean: I don’t love you.” – Movie, Burlesque

It’s been a long time since I’ve financially gained from producing a show. What’s even more frustrating is that I have been loyal to the nightclub that we perform at for many years, devoting my blood, sweat, passion and tears as a Bondage A-Go-Go Dancer. This club has a large stage, a decent dressing room, and the ability to get away with stripping down to pasties, without the city of Minneapolis freaking out. What’s a bitch is that I only get $3 dollars per person at the door. That is hardly enough to pay for a small core troupe of performers. I have to pay for my stage production staff, advertising, and guest performers out of my personal budget. I honestly do not know how much longer I can personally finance this burlesque show. However, this night club’s stage is legendary and it is where my heart leads me. It has everything that I require, including a consistent, monthly gig, which is important. It’s where Mr. C and I have called home for more than a decade. Even when I try to escape Ground Zero, it keeps calling me back. I expect that before I give up, that I will come to some kind of agreement with the venue in regards to pay. If not, I will have to say goodbye to a passionate love. I really don’t want to say au revoir.

“People love burlesque today because it incorporates all the old-school glamour, satire and highlights the female form — it’s something that many women can actually see themselves doing.” –Baby Doe

What is a shame is that we have so many talented burlesque troupes in the Twin Cities, yet there are not enough venues that have the ability to support our art form with the appropriate city licenses, or a theater available who does not charge us a lot for rent on a Friday or Saturday night. I can’t believe that someone with the financial backing has not come along to build or renovate a burlesque venue to support all of us. Minneapolis has some amazing variety and burlesque talent with a huge, burlesque history. It’s a shame that we all struggle to make it, doing something that we love to do.

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” –Gail Devers

Even though I don’t get to perform as much as I used to, I still get the high from producing an amazing, high quality show. I also get a sense of family from all of my performers, for better or for worse. It’s taken me over a decade to revise and revamp my burlesque/variety show up to this point. Will all this hard work, blood, sweat, tears, and money eventually pay off?? I believe in karma. I believe in the good in life. I wish you were alive to reply to my letters. I’m basically spilling my guts to thin air, desperately wishing for an answered prayer.

It’s getting late Henry. I’m tired. My parents are taking me out for breakfast in the morning for my birthday. I hope that my stomach is feeling better and my fever is gone.

Bisous, Mon Amour,

Mia

“There’s an old joke that strippers work for money and burlesque dancers work for applause. For many of them, it’s not the way they make a living – they just do it because they like to do it.” –Eric Hall