Let’s say you live in the suburbs and work downtown. You always take the highway because it’s a safer route, but surface streets would be so much faster if you could just get over your fear of driving through the inner city. BMW has heeded your call. The BMW X5 Security Plus is the anxious commuter’s new best friend. Now, for the first time ever available to the public from a high volume manufacturer, you have access to a Class 6 bullet proof vehicle with armor plating. Designed to handle heavy AK-47 fire and be impervious to clubbing, the new Security Plus option also has sealed joints that prevent penetration from bullets or fragments and make virtually impossible your being pried from the vehicle with a crossbar. Robbery, abduction and carjacking are things of the past as long as you are inside your personal BMW “safe room.” Jodi Foster would be proud.

But the fun doesn’t stop there. A special intercom system allows communication with external parties so that you don’t have to drop your window or open your door to say “I called the police! Run Forrest, Run!” Pressing the hold-up alarm immediately puts the vehicle into lockdown wherein the doors and windows secure themselves, a loud siren blares and lights flash. Just like Jason Statham’s g-ride in The Transporter (yes, I know it was an Audi), you get a cool set of controls placed behind a panel on the center console. Optional camera mounts can provide rear view and side view video through the iDrive system on the dashboard.

The BMW X5 Security Plus is based on the company’s Sports Activity Vehicle (SAV). An upgraded suspension adds the capability to handle multiple terrains and special run-flat tires keep you moving forward.( I wonder after how many AK-47 projectiles a run-flat tire loses it effectiveness?…) Power comes from a 4.8-liter V8 that’s powerful enough to lug this titan from 0 to 62 mph in 8.2 seconds. We’d like to see the BMW X5 M engine thrown in the mix. This may just be my own paranoia talking here, but I like to reach maximum escape velocity very quickly when I feel in danger.

But I can understand why hurling all that weight with 500 hp may be a bad idea for the everyday man who would probably overreact to a scary trick-o-treater and wrap this baby around a light pole at 160 mph where it would take 3 weeks for a blowtorch and the'”jaws of life” to get it free. Actually, that brings up an interesting question. Is there a fridge or food hideway in this thing? If you have to wait out an attack and can’t just drive away, for example, ham sandwiches and slaw may satisfy your appetite as you watch an angry mob smashing away at your unbreakable windshield.

Source: BMW