A year or two ago a college kid I know started dating a film student. The first time they had sex, very early into the relationship, he asked if he could come on her face. Ewww! I wasn't really surprised at this anecdote, since boys her age have, realistically, been watching internet porn since they were nine years old; that's probably how this kid got interested in becoming a "filmmaker" in the first place, so I advised her to do away with boys her age; just like the younger generation apparently doesn't believe sex transpired unless they documented it on an easily memory stick-able format, "they don't think sex is 'good' unless it's somehow fetish-y," explains one of the younger Jezebels. But then! The other day a friend of mine brought home some dude from a holiday party and the same thing happened, only he used the terms "shoot" and "load" and this time everyone involved was thirty.

And just for fun, I'm going to throw in the time a friend of mine went on a first date with a guy she met on the Muslim equivalent of JDate — and after a romantic night of dinner, wine, Ella Fitzgerald and Scrabble, he presented her with a "safety word"...


She went along with it. "I really liked him!" It involved spanking with a special S&M belt and calling her his dirty little slut and other highly inventive nicknames to indicate that he was "dominating" her. ("I do that to keep from getting too close to women," the dude, a psychiatrist, later explained. Nice job!)

Anyway, I know I should probably find some news to peg this to, like a story a few British Cosmos back about how the proliferation of porn is forcing women to do "things they don't want to do" in bed, but what's better than my own anecdotal evidence? We all know it is true: porn is doing to sex what scotch is doing to your liver. And I mean, it makes sense! It's so easy to get, and so perfect for the beaten-down and emotionally unavailable! But seriously, it has to stop. That's all.