Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats was one of the longest-running musicals on the West End and Broadway. But the film adaptation was in development hell for years until now. What we got is the most ill-conceived big-budget films in a long time when adapting it.

One-night Victoria the White Cat (Francesca Hayward) gets dumped in a bin bag in the middle of London. Luckily she gets taken in by a clowder of cats who are about to celebrate their most important night of the year – the Jellicle Ball. It is an event where one cat gets to be reincarnated. Victoria and the Jellicle Cats observe the cats competing for the honour; but the villainous Macavity (Idris Elba) tries to rig the contest in his favour.



When the first trailer was released online it was quickly mocked. The trailer had a massive ratio of dislikes to likes on Youtube; film fans sensed a trainwreck, and film critics were preparing their cat puns. The film released was so troubled that it was released with incomplete special efforts, leading to Universal Pictures sending cinemas an updated version of the film. There were even rumours that press screenings had to use an incomplete version of the film which had actors in mo-cap suits.

Most of the criticisms has been focused on the special effects and it’s well deserved. Cats was originally intended to be an animated film but when Tom Hooper was hired to direct he decided to make Cats a live-action film. This was a bizarre decision because what we got were weird human-cat hybrids. These characters were deep in the uncanny valley because they had human and cat features – there had human faces, hands and feet whilst also having cat ears and walking around on all fours. The faces were floaty and unnatural and the CGI made the dancing – one of the main selling points of the show – weightless.



The cats were so small compared to their surroundings it made me wonder if the filmmakers have ever interacted with a feline. The worst examples were during the songs “Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer” where three cats cause mayhem in an oversized house and “Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat” when the cats walk on a railway track. That moment in “Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat” was made worse by the poor green screen background.

Whilst the special effects were a problem, Cats had deeper issues. Cats was based on a book of children’s poems written by T. S. Eliot and adapted by Webber. The musical was criticised upon its release because of its lack of story. And this problem affects the film version.



The story was incredibly thin and it shows due to how the film was structured. Most of the songs were introductory songs. They didn’t advance the plot. The plot only kicks in during the second half when the ball actually starts. “Memory” sticks out because it was a personal song of pain and tragedy and not describing a character. The film doesn’t even make a vain attempt to explain why some characters have magical powers.

The cast was a mixed bag and some talented actors struggle to escape with their dignity. Jennifer Huston was the standout as Grizabella because she had the famous song, has a fantastic voice and showed every bit of pain the character suffered. Her rendition of “Memory” will, if you excuse the pun, live long in the memory. Other actors were poor singers – which was an issue for a musical. Idris Elba, Ian McKellen, and Ray Winstone were the worst offenders. Winstone was understandable because he only had a quick song and he was playing to type, i.e. a gruff, dodgy Cockney. McKellen, who has a long and illustrious career had to talk-sing his song and had to act like a cat by doing actions like drink milk from a dish and lick himself. Rebel Wilson had the embarrassment of slapping her thighs and trying to lick her own bum hole.



For Cats to have worked as a film there should have been some big changes. It should have been an animated film, like Amblimation’s proposed film in the ‘90s. Cats should have been a loose adaptation that kept to the basic premise – which is a cat wants to be reincarnated. The film adaptation could have elaborated on the character relationships and the culture of the group. I would have used Watership Down as an influence because those rabbits had their own religion – although Cats would have been less violent. Two songs I would have kept were “Memory” and “Mr. Mistoffelees” because those songs was a pivotal moment for a character who lacked confidence. Of course, this is all hypothetical.

Cats is the type that will become cinematic fodder for bad movie fans and memes. It will be a big blot on Hooper’s filmography. He will not be allowed so much creative control for his follow-up film.

Direction

Writing

Acting/Singing

Musical Numbers 2.1 Summary There are some nice songs so you may as well just listen to the soundtrack.

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