8,600

by CandyKane

What’s your gender? Woman

How old are you? 35

What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian

What continent do you live on? North America

What country and/or city do you live in? Los Angeles

Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)

What’s your occupation? CEO

What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)

Religious affiliation: Agnostic

How religious are you? Not at all

What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual

Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Monogamish

How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? At least 100

How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

A Unicorn Gets Married

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 Years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Swinger lifestyle

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve been a unicorn for three years. I got into this because I had a long-distance boyfriend who I didn’t get to see often, and almost cheated on him one night. When I told him about it, he said he was proud of me for not cheating, and I told him I wanted a lover locally. When a single man made him uncomfortable, he suggested a couple. Since I am bi-sexual, this made perfect sense to me. So we set up a profile on Kasidie.com, and within a week or two, I was off to the races! I didn’t have a physical preference necessarily, and have hooked up with a number of couples of different shapes and sizes. We would typically meet for drinks at a local restaurant, and if things seemed interesting, we’d take it home from there. My requirement was that 1) the couple had to clearly be in love; and 2) I was there to serve the woman. I wasn’t trying to steal anyone’s boyfriend or husband, and wanted to make it clear where I stood. I also met a few couples at a local sex club, and would orchestrate orgies to introduce them to other couples. I have always loved starting the party!

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My hookups usually begin the same way. In a group environment, if I bring a date (which is now my husband), I’ll kick things off by getting frisky in public with him. This gives the group permission to let down their guards. I then will begin to play with the woman or women in the group. Often, I’m the one who will then ask the woman to begin playing with my husband, and will only pursue things with her man if 1) she specifically directs it; and 2) I get verbal permission from my husband. Sometimes I plan these things in advance, but often, they happen spontaneously. However, whenever I feel a sex-positive opportunity approaching, I discuss the possibilities with my husband to ensure that he is on board with the concept and to determine where his comfort level is.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I’m into just about everything except for anal sex (I’ve only managed to make that work a couple of times), but there is usually dancing, following by oral play, but there is always vaginal play and I love to be flogged and man-handled, so that will enter the scene if my husband is feeling frisky. It’s exhilarating when in the play situation. I feel a bit like I am breaking the rules, and flustered at the same time. My husband is new at the lifestyle, however, so I want to be sure to take things slow with him and only take things to where he is comfortable.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I’m friends with most of my hookup partners, so if I stay the night with them, we’ll grab breakfast in the morning and then head on our way. I sincerely enjoy the company of my sex partners, and consider them friends after we have sex.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Power / Dominance, Submission / Relinquishing power, Making new friends

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, MDMA, ecstasy, molly

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, MDMA, ecstasy, molly

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I’m pretty open with my hookup stories. Most of my friends know about them.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? My husband and I are testing our boundaries together and learning our limits and what turns our partner on. We see this as a great way to learn and grow together, and have fun in the process.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? We have decided that we will not have hookups in the future when significant drinking/drugs are involved. My husband ties sex to intimacy more than I do, and wants to have a unique connection. I view sex as cardio, so I feel less of a need for that, but respect his needs.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I have always been a huge fan of casual sex. But my husband is very new to the concept. I view this as a way for me to be completely honest while also exploring my sexuality, which is a big piece of who I am.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? We are defining our boundaries now, and are making agreements about how we want to engage in casual sex together. We learn every time and love sharing the experience together.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I lived a life for 30+ years where I was afraid to be who I am. I cheated on every boyfriend I had and always hooked up with girls. But then, when I met my husband, he embraced my sexuality and my need to explore, and this has been the most wonderful relationship of my life as a result. I also love to see him stretch and enjoy new experiences. I am a huge fan of casual sex.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Thank you for taking the time to give a voice to so many of us who do this because we enjoy it, not because we think less of ourselves. There is a whole population of people like me who have never felt adequately represented in this arena.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!