I’m a messy person. Really! I’m not that type of girl who has her clothes on colors, folded in strict angles, ironed and sorted on styles. Actually, if you’ll put your hand in my wardrobe, there is a big risk to lose your hand, to be eaten by a dragon or bitten by a snake. So, don’t fucking open my wardrobe. Seriously, my heart rates would go immediately high and I would fucking release the Cerber to devour you.

That’s about my clothes wardrobe. Things stay totally different about the boys wardrobe. Cause yes, every girl, consciously or not, has a boys wardrobe. Most of the time, it’s an imaginary one, but there exists also the real one, full with different types of dildoes. They can be sorted on sizes, colors, purposes, even on names…..Seriously! They can be Orpheus, Achilles, The Shark….and the names list continues with a wild variety of original names. And even if the inhabitants of this wardrobe will never cheat on you, leave you or finish before you, here we are going to talk about the imaginary boys wardrobe.

As I said, here the things stay totally different. Here, you must keep everything in order, sort everything on certain criteria and don’t you dare to mess up anything. Otherwise, you’ll get burned and you’ll suffer like a dog the consequences. At a certain age, you’ll learn exactly how many drawers you need in this wardrobe and how to sort the species inside. Even if every girl has her own personalized boys wardrobe, the drawers inside have, more or less, the same names or the same meaning.

So, the most important and common drawers are:

THE ONE’s drawer

Every human being on this Universe (unless you are a psycho or a irremediable broken soul or a heartless piece of meat – and then, dude, sorry to disappoint you, but you are missing the essence of life)…so every normal human being is searching for the soul mate, for THE ONE. Sometimes, you can find it, sometimes you can search a lifetime and find a shit. Or, sometimes, you can find it and realize that everything is impossible cause you were born too late, you met too late, you live on another planet or God knows what other reasons He put between you and The One just to make fun of you. Or, you can, simply, place the wrong person in this drawer … and you can realize that after 1 month, 1 year, or 5 years (in my case).

One thing is sure – this drawer is reserved only for one person, for that special human being that you can call it “You are MY PERSON”

The WOLF’s drawer

This is for you crush, your obsession…..for that wild animal who gives you stomach and vagina butterflies. How many girls don’t take their phone at the shower, under the shower, at the toilet….just to be sure that they will not miss a call from this indifferent asshole. Cause, most of the time, the wolf plays it like that because he knows how desperate the girl is, he feels it.

I remember one friend of mine who was passing through a situation like this. She was crazy about a guy who was, probably, not that into her, or he was a master of the chasing game. Anyway, she was spending hours or days waiting for an answer to her texting messages. And all this time, she was cursing him :”Motherfucker, fucking idiot, fucking emasculate fucker!” and all the versions of the “fuck” – word. Only to delete all this curses at his first answer : “No! He is not like that! I’m stupid! I misjudged him!”. Cause yes, we are thought by our friends since we are very, very young that it’s impossible a guy not to like you; “he likes you, but he treats you bad cause he wants you to be more into him”, “he doesn’t have time” (and remember: NOBODY IS EVER TOO BUSY. IF THEY TRULY CARE, THEY’LL MAKE TIME!)… and other bullshits just to cover the painful truth:”Girl, he is not that into you!” And, actually, this phrase could make the things easier, cause you’d pass over this situation faster. And guess what? Once you’ll become aware of your self-worth and you’ll stop giving a shit about the Wolf, he will start seeing you with different eyes. Not like an easy prey, but like that beautiful, independent deer that he is craving for.

There are few cases, when things will start to work with a Wolf from both sides and a nice story can begin. You can even upgrade his drawer, you can move him to The One’s drawer and you can live happily ever after. Unfortunately, in most of the cases, the changes in the wolf’s behavior will be too late, cause you’ll literally not give a shit anymore about him. Bye, bye crush! Bye, bye obsession!

The Puppies drawer

Here, you’ll put all those kind, sweet boys that like you, do everything for you, just to get a little bit of your attention. And, no matter how much they struggle, how many chocolates they will give you or to how many movies they will take you, they will not be able to light the flame. Sometimes, you can make a huge mistakes and give them a chance, hopping that maybe, MAYBE you’ll start to feel something. But in 99% of the cases, you’ll feel a shit. And that’s not your fault. It’s their fault cause you can’t fall in love with a puppet who stays wherever you’ll put it. You’re fault is that you used them as a “medicine” for your own emotional problems.

The Fuckers drawer

This is like the tampons drawer. Good to use at the critical moments. And, usually, they are not worthy for any feelings. And, don’t feel bad about that cause it’s not you, it’s them and their careless behavior. As far as it concerns me, sex will never be enough for me to stick around. I need my soul fed. I need my brain and my heart stimulated too. And, usually, the fuckers can not do that. However, there might be some exceptions from this rule who can be upgraded to another drawer. Rarely, but not impossible.

So, more or less, every girl has these 4 drawers in her boys wardrobe. Or I’m the only one who have it??? Haha! And after, we have the Friend-Zoned drawer, the Colleagues drawer, the Bosses drawer, The Idiots drawer, The Never Again drawer, and many others, smaller, or bigger drawers. The most important thing is to keep everything in order. Cause imagine what can happen if you mix the fuckers with the puppies, or The Wolf with The One , or whatever. Chaos! So pay attention!