Here's a fun fact about New York City: Murder is up 55 percent this year.

Sorry. That' not a fun fact. That's a terrifying fact -- especially if you live in New York, or are a tourist -- of which we get 60 million yearly.

From the start of 2019, there have been 48 killings -- almost one per day. Last year at this time, there were 31.

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Thankfully, Mayor Bill de Blasio, aka Captain Lurch, is here.

Announcing all public schools will be going 'meatless" on Mondays.

I bet this is important on so many levels.

Here’s what the mayor said:

"This is important on so many levels, but I gotta say, we’re thinking about our kids individually, we want them to be as healthy as they can be, we want them to learn as well as they can learn and Meatless Mondays will help, it will create more balance in their lives. We’re talking about our climate, the existential threat, of global warming, this is something we do that’s another contribution to addressing global warming, striking more of a balance in our whole society."

So "cutting back on meat" will help save the planet. So would eliminating the cross-country tour he plans to take, pumping his far-left tripe, but when things aren’t going too well at home, best to run away. Between the crime and his own scandals -- I'd leave, too.

Yes, in case you missed it: the mayor shoveled nearly $900 million bucks into's his wife's mental health initiative. That’s nuts. Since we've still yet to figure out where the money went. If you take the subway, you know it's not mental health. That’s criminal.

Fact is: the city we actually love needs help, but it's run by left-wing Democrats. So the mentally ill are left to languish because the left has made it acceptable to languish.

Meanwhile, crime creeps back up while Amazon and 25,000 jobs flee.

Only in New York is it cool to embrace ideologies that kill jobs, if not people.

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The good news: Lurch is only the mayor of New York.

The bad news: He's headed your way, bearing tofu.

Adapted from Greg Gutfeld's monologue on "The Five" on March 12, 2019.