Yesterday we all woke up to the horrific news of the mass shooting in a gay nightclub in Orlando. I woke up to this text message from a friend…

“Shooting in Orlando… Deadliest mass shooting in American history. And guess who did it…”

His implication, I assume, was that this was the actions of an Islamic militant because, of course, that would make the most sense. Yet when I started to read up about the events, I didn’t make a distinction between religions. I recognized that such hate could come from almost any religion.

I did not grow up Muslim, but I was raised as a bigot.

I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness and was an active member from ages 4 to 17. I learned to read at a young age and was encouraged to use my intelligence for “Jehovah’s ministry.” It wasn’t until years after my eventual separation from the religious sect that I was able to unlearn the covert bigotry that permeated my religious upbringing.

Although most JWs would say that they don’t condone bigotry, their literature is very adamant that homosexuality is forbidden in God’s eyes. There are plenty of stories online of young JWs being shunned and outcast by their families and communities for their sexual orientation. They are ridiculed and shamed and far too many have committed or attempted suicide.

However, the most insidious part of this doctrine is that they instill these values in children. Exhibit A through Z is this shameless animated video that they have been using recently to “explain” to children that homosexuality is sinful. We didn’t have these cartoons when I was a child, but there were many talks and parroted bible verses that I heard and read on the topic. By the time I was baptized at 12 years old (another irresponsible yet common JW practice) it was clear in my mind that homosexuals would not “inherit God’s kingdom.”

I consider myself lucky that since my cult exit at 17 years old, so many LGBTQ people have befriended and enlightened me. They are my friends and I am their ally. They have taught me to accept and love myself despite spending the majority of my life in a quasi-cult that encouraged and taught me how to be discriminatory and hateful. I am so thankful for the edification that has come from those friendships, and for the patience I am showed when I accidentally ask ignorant questions.

On a day like yesterday I’m reminded that hate isn’t restricted by religion, class, race, or gender. We aren’t born with hate, it is something that is learned. More importantly, it is taught. It isn’t always as blatant as ISIS or Westboro, but it exists almost everywhere. With the best intentions and all the love of a parent, my folks spent my childhood exposing me to hateful ideology. In that regard, they failed me greatly.

On a day like yesterday we spend so much time and energy arguing about gun control, religious extremism, mental health, and other relevant topics. I think back on my younger self, wishing there was more people showing me how to love and accept those that are unlike myself.

I don’t fit the terrorist profile. Still, I was a first-generation American raised in an uber-conservative religion in a state with a massive hard-on for guns (#1 on this list). I was fortunate to have undone my childhood indoctrination. Omar Mateen was not so lucky and it cost 51 people their lives and countless others a great deal of pain and grief.

Whatever comes of the many topics of discussion that come up this week, let’s leave some space to teach children (and each other) love and acceptance. Tolerance is not enough.