Earlier today, I was shopping with some friends from college. I’m a dreaded “death fat” at 5'2 and 300 pounds. My friends are slightly smaller fats, but we still share the common struggle of fashionable clothing not being available in our size. We decided to drive to a mall about 45 minutes away that carried a more extensive “plus size” section. (Another privilege: all five of us needed to shop in the plus size section - not really “plus” size when the average dress size of your group is 22, now is it?) Anyway, we shopped for a couple hours, and for once in years, I had a fantastic time! The associates in all the various stores we went to accommodated us so well, and were very attentive to our needs. One of our friends (the one who suggested it) had told us previously that it was very accepting of fuller women, and that was very apparent in the extremely pleasant demeanor of all the shop assistants. I found a beautiful dress in my size that emphasized my hourglass (something that’s hard to do when you’re fuller and most fashionable clothing won’t fit) and was feeling incredibly body positive.

After a few hours of climbing stairs, walking the mall, and carrying our heavy bags, we were naturally hungry. My friend suggested that we go to a nearby chain-family restaurant to sit down and treat ourselves to a lovely dinner. The second we walked in the door, I was singled out and made a victim of extreme fatphobia, healthism, fat discrimination, and general bullying by the patrons and staff alike.

After walking in, we waited to be attended to by a hostess, who upon viewing our entourage, immediately gave her coworker the wide-eyed “can you believe it?” expression. The other coworker sniggered and the host walked over to us with the fakest smile. I felt my stomach sink in embarrassment and humiliation. I looked to my friends who, glued to their phones, were unaware of the subtle fat shaming that was so immediately directed at us. However, I stayed resilient and smiled back. “A table with chairs for five, please” I beamed. Her smile weakened and she said “Booth or chairs?” This caught me totally unaware as I had just told her that I wanted a table.

Now, some of you less experienced to discrimination (smaller fats too) might find this to be an honest mistake, but those of us who are so used to discrimination are aware of this tactic. It’s to make you repeat the “shameful” thing about your statement (Omg a group of fuller girls need chairs, not a booth! Because they can’t fit! omg!!) in order to give you a sense of shame or embarrassment. I smiled politely before saying “Didn’t I just say chairs?”

She semi-rolled her eyes and told us we would have to wait 15 - 20 minutes for a bigger table. I wanted to leave, and to be honest, the disparity between my big body - posi day and my treatment at this restaurant was so heart wrenching that I almost wanted to cry. But we were hungry, so we all agreed to sit and wait.

Finally, we were led to our table and hurried to order our drinks. I always order water, but today I was feeling Coke, and I told her so. When she returned with our drinks, I was shocked to find that upon first sip, I was drinking a diet instead. I waved her over and informed her of her mistake. She smiled that same fake smile before returning with my plain coke, and collecting our orders. I asked for a cheeseburger with fries. (Omg! Classic fat girl dish, am I right!?)

Now, of course my drink was the only messed up at the table. The other girls had their drinks perfect to a T, while mine had the “mistake” of a diet coke in place of a regular. (Because a fatty fat fat drinking coke is a mistake right? Surely she meant to order Diet? Or maybe this was a reverse micro-aggression by the wait staff as a way to say: “You. Fatass. Your body isn’t welcome here”.)

Here’s the absolute worst part. (For those of you who have experienced similar treatment, or fat shaminess in regards to food and food choices, you might not want to continue reading as it may be triggering to you). We all receive our meals, and of course, everyone else’s is perfect. But in place of french fries, I had a side order of steamed broccoli.

I stared blankly at my plate. The hostess smiled again before asking “what’s wrong?"

Some of you may think I’m overreacting, but I felt bullied. It was incredibly clear she intentionally replaced french fries with steamed broccoli as a method of food policing me. I didn’t say anything. My friends munched happily along and, not wanting to be the fattie with the attitude problem, I began to eat my burger.

When the waitress came back to ask us how our food was, everyone was pretty happy. She smiled extra wide when she asked me how I was enjoying my meal. I could handle everything else but this smug attitude really got to me. I politely looked up towards her and requested to speak to the manager. Her face went sour and she said "Are you sure? Are you really sure that you want to speak to the manager?” “Yes, I think that would be best.” I kept my wits about me.

I watched her head back to her station before laughing with her coworker again, gesturing at how big my hips were and how horrible I was being, but she soon disappeared and a manager showed up.

I explained the situation. How I had received Diet Coke instead of regular. Broccoli instead of french fries. How everyone else’s order seemed to be fine, even beautifully presented, but mine was an embarrassment.

What the manager said next, I almost couldn’t believe. He literally said to me “Within the past few months, we’ve been making some slight changes to the meal options and food choices inside our establishment. Our staff is well - equipped and well versed in nutrition as well as healthy habits and practices, and it’s possible that she viewed these changes as being necessary to better suit a patron with needs such as yours.” I almost broke down crying in front of my friends, who seemed slightly disaffected, to my angry. I sat and waited with the mind numbing embarrassment of a woman shamed at a “friendly” restaurant.

I paid, but drew a smiley face on the tip line.

Thin privilege is not having your food choices questioned.

Thin privilege is not having others suggest food choices to you based on your size.

Thin privilege is not having to drive 45 minutes out to a mall that has sizes to suit your body better.

Thin privilege is having your smaller fat “friends” care when they see you being blatantly bullied in the name of healthism.

Thin privilege is getting what you paid for.

Thin privilege is seeing a smile as a smile, but fuller women know of the mocking nature behind a smile, made sinister, with distaste for a body larger than their own.

P.S. I want to thank all the mods/authors who make this blog possible. I’m a psychology major, and I can’t begin to tell you how therapeutic it is for WOS (women of size) to share their experiences in a safe online setting. This is incredibly necessary and I’m proud to say that I’m a member of the body - posi movement. Never feel shame for being so “bold” as “daring to exist while fat”. Stay strong, stay posi, and support other WOS.