GPS Suggests Avoiding Tour Altogether

TUCSON, Ariz. –– Members of local pop-punk band Trashlings were advised by their GPS to avoid another disastrous tour altogether after nine hours of loading their instruments and merch into their borrowed van before departing last night, according to sources close to the band.

“We were planning to leave around 9 p.m. for L.A.,” said drummer Mike Storrs, peering over the dashboard. “But as soon as I put in the address for Silver Lake, the GPS said, ‘Do you really want to be stuck on the 405 in a van with no AC or functioning seatbelts with these guys, in all that goddamn traffic?’ And now, I’m having second thoughts.”

The 11-city tour, originating in Tucson and culminating in Olympia, Washington, would be the third reunion tour for Trashlings since their most recent breakup. Band members, however, claim this was the first time their GPS suggested just staying home.

“It was really weird,” guitarist Erick Enders said. “I thought maybe there was some weird glitch, or we needed to update the maps, so I tried typing in the address for our Portland show. But after loading, it said, ‘Take the keys out of the ignition and go back inside before you embarrass yourself any further.’ Then it said something about how if Mike wanted to avoid another arrest, we were better off just canceling our tour.”

The members of Trashlings were unsure of how to take the suggestions from the second-hand, dash-mounted GPS system.

“I swear I heard the thing laugh when I told everyone we have $47 and a Subway coupon between the four of us for the next two weeks,” lead singer Alex Navarro said. “I tried restarting it, but this thing kept shit-talking us. ‘Have any of you ever actually looked at a map?’ ‘Who plays a show in Reno and then backtracks to Palmdale before playing a house party in Fresno?’ It was pretty messed up.”

As of press time, Trashlings were still sitting in their driveway, arguing after the GPS revealed Navarro’s longterm girlfriend cheated on him with the band’s merch guy.