How does one even start the conversation about daddies? Daddies are sexy, daddies are kinky, daddies are typically older (but not always), and daddies are loving. The subject of daddies will inevitably draw a smirk from someone in a crowd of gay men, but we can all ignore him. Nobody can agree on what a daddy exactly is — Is he a kinky dominant, a trusted friend, a source of financial aid, a muscular body, a smaller body, a hairy body, a boy-chaser, a mentality, or all the above? I won’t offer an exact definition, because there is none, and the world of queer men would be a less beautiful place if there was. I will simply say that I love daddies — and I wouldn’t be here without them. Browse these 29 indicators that you’ve found a good one, boy.

My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality. For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments. Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend.

A Word of Warning From Writer Alexander Cheves

My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.

Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.

For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.

Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend.

1. Life experience.

For as long as there have been gay men, there have been daddy-boy relationships. Older gay men have always helped out, guided, and instructed younger gay men on how to live, how to get ahead, and — don’t roll your eyes — how to be gay.

I will not speak for other members of the LGBT spectrum here, because it’s not my place to do so. But I believe that for all gender presentations and orientations under the queer umbrella, this practice is true and long-held. Those of us born to heterosexual parents are simply not like them. We cannot learn our history or our language from them or share their experience any more than our heterosexual parents can learn or share in ours.

A man I’d consider for a daddy-son relationship would be someone who can tell me his stories and give me hope for my life and present me with a vague idea of what’s coming. I have so few role models and so few people I look up to that I often feel like I’m sailing through uncharted waters. Older gay men remind me that many homos have come before me and prospered. Their lessons are among the most important I’ve been taught.

2. Sexual experience.

The language around daddy-boy pairings is rooted in kinky, dominant-submissive relationships. Kinksters (kinky people) generally assume daddies are dominants and boys/sons are submissives. Anyone who’s read this column might guess that I get pretty kinky. Kinky people learn from other kinky people with more experience, so that is something I would look for in a daddy. I want someone who knows more than I do and will help me explore new areas of kink as a skilled dominant.

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