Local Moron Lives Under Bridge for Two Years in Failed Attempt to “Troll Like the Kids on the Internet” Sean Kinton Follow Jul 28, 2019 · 2 min read

Thompson footbridge, and current home of idiot, Brian Donaghy. (Photo by Kaique Rocha from Pexels)

Smelling of his own and others’ urine — local father, Brian Donaghy — reflects on his past two years living under a bridge next to a homeless camp. Confusion stemming from the complexities of modern internet culture of today’s youth seem to be the root of Donaghy’s monolithically moronic decision to leave his family and live under a bridge like a troll from a children’s tale. For nearly two years he demanded money for passage across a footbridge that spans a small ravine in Thompson Park.

“I really thought my oldest boy, Sammie, would respect his old man a bit more if he saw him ‘trolling’ too. He spends all day on that computer. I hear him talking to his pals about trolling every time I walk past his bedroom.

“I asked him what he thought about me heading down to the ol’ Thompson footbridge and making a bit of extra pocket money so he can buy some new hats in his video game. He and his friends were very encouraging. But all he does now is roll his eyes and smirk when I come by to work out the divorce terms with his mother,” Brian said in an interview last week.

“My father is very gullible; in fact he’s an idiot,” Sam Donaghy said when asked why he would encourage his father to leave their family to become a troll.

“To be honest he kind of deserves it. We’ve trolled him pretty hard in the past,” Sam said, referring to the time that he and his younger brother, Nathan, had convinced their father that they needed a bottle of Johnnie Walker, a carton of Pall Malls, and the keys to his 1995 Toyota Tercel. “Who the hell even thinks kids hang out under bridges?” Sam said in disbelief of his father.

Brian spent nearly every day of the past two years popping out from under the Thompson footbridge, demanding payment before allowing pedestrians to cross. The footbridge’s close proximity to a rowdy homeless camp usually deterred most pedestrians from even using the footbridge, most preferring to cross the ravine at the road a couple hundred feet up the path.

“I don’t know how the kids do it. They troll so often, I guess they just love being outside. I can’t say I’d like my son trolling out near the camp here though. It can get a bit rough with the needles and the hobo’s always trying to stab me or each other. Anyway, now that I’ve lost my family, I guess it’s time to find a bigger and better bridge,” Brian Donaghy said with the same twinkle in his eye that you’d find on a better man with actual dreams and aspirations.