Driving Asa Akira means that sometimes I get to be someone’s +1 when their husband is smart enough to say in his fake European accent “oh, I am too tired from your sex Asa. You wear me out too much. I must sleep”. And it is a viable excuse since she did win a anus load of AVN awards, pRonstar, blessing and a curse. But its a Vice Media show that’ll be on HBO so it must be interesting if you don’t mind your world corruption served USA Today style while talking about the ice melting in Greenland and the corruption in Pakistan. Hey Vice, do you remember a Vice President name Al Gore in 2008? He already wrote a book called “An Inconvenient Truth” with a whole movie about global warming. Also, Pakistan is a hot bed of terrorism and we were looking for Obama Bin Laden there, you think there might be a little bit of bad things going on over there? Next time why don’t you guys do a movie on buffets and why fat people like going there - I’ll give you a hint, there’s a lot of mother fucking food there. Bonus footage. You can be an over weight lover at Souplantation if you eat a lot of bread, pastas and creamy soups.

Did I like it: Yes because there was a free photo booth in the lobby.

What I learned: Always wear the clothes of the natives otherwise people will think you’re an American.

300 The Rise of an Empire

If you like watching masculine strong men parade around in their tight booty shorts, you will love this movie. Much like the first 300, everyone is just lifting weight and sharpening swords but there’s a woman in this one because they wanted to add a heterosexual sex scene. Taking place right after the first 300 Spartans died, this film continues the war on Greece by the Persians and explains how Xerses, the God King got tall and really golden tanned. Most of the battles take place in the ocean and although it might seem ridiculous, the scenes are epic so who cares if they spilling tons of oil into the ocean to burn the opposing navy, its dramatic to look at. Who’s laughing at the Exxon Valdez now?!!!



Did I like it: Yes, it awakened something in my loins

What I learned: You can call yourself a hermit and still hang around people.

3 Days to Kill

Once Keven Cotsner figured out that he should stay away from post apocalyptic movies like Water World and The Postman, and play regular guys, his movies became like able again. Here he plays an unambitious CIA operative who’s contracted cancer and leaves the company to spend his dying months with his wife and estrange daughter. But the real star is Amber Heard who has a good tailor and taste in cars as she offers Costner an “experimental drug” if he’ll off someone. Placed between the action scenes are sweet and comedic times with his teenage daughter trying to push her limitations. This is a McG movie (co written by Luc Besson) who also directed Charlie’s Angels so you have an ideal of his films - they don’t deviate too much in tone and style.

Did I like it: Yes

What I learned: Luc Besson loves his techno house music.