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MAD. Well, quite frankly, it's a minor miracle that we get any posts up. See, there are all these women who camp outside the Cracked offices trying to get us to have sex with them. While we're trying to get to work. I know, can you believe it? Everyday, more women who want "a hit off the Cracked pipe," so to speak (talkin' about wieners, here).

"Your obsession with pop culture makes me want to take my pants off." We tell them to back off once in a while, but they won't be reasoned with. I mean, it's tough enough updating our site every day, so what, are we supposed to update their vaginas every day, too? With dick? But this is about you. And I'm sorry again, about all your recent setbacks. And sorry it's taken me a week to reach out (though, in fairness to me, we're installing a waterslide on the roof of the building. These things take time). But, rest assured, Cracked is here for you. We used to have a magazine, remember? This is what my desk used to look like (before it was sitting on the side of a jacuzzi filled with naked, ethnically diverse women):

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See? We know what it's like to have a magazine canceled, so we're in the same boat. ... Okay, not really in the "same boat," necessarily, because we're doing extremely well. Our magazine tanking was, at most, an aggravating detail; we still had our awesome site after all. You guys, on the other hand, have nothing but the magazine. So, I guess our boats have very little in common.

Still, we're certainly the guys to talk to if you're looking for advice. No one knows better than we do how to bounce back from a magazine crash. Though it's highly unlikely that you'll ever enjoy the same kind of internet success that