A downtown woman is getting excited for the all-inclusive New Year’s Eve party she’ll be attending that will over-promise and under-deliver. Kate Tucker is prepping her cute dress and oversized 2017 glasses for the $50 party that will run out of food and be grossly understaffed. She will soon be one of 800 people clamoring at the bar for a drink with only one bartender working.

Despite Kate being monumentally disappointed in the previous three all-inclusive New Year’s Eve parties she’s attended, she was once again talked into buying tickets for one this year by her friend Shelly. “This one’s going to be different,” said Shelly. “The Facebook event said there’s going to be unlimited top-shelf alcohol, caviar, and white truffles for only $50. It’s totally legit.”

Event Promoter Donnie Quentin said there’s a science to delivering underwhelming New Year’s Eve parties. “You have to let the guests know they got ripped off right off the bat,” he said. “We’ll sell 300 additional tickets at the door for a lower price than the early buyers paid, then I’ll only have one bartender working so people lose their minds waiting 2 hours for a drink. At midnight, we’ll serve warm, cheap champagne in Dixie cups to those who are quick enough to grab them before their gone. That’s guaranteed to piss them off.”

Kate is expected to storm out of the party at midnight when she doesn’t get any champagne, then go into full meltdown mode when she realizes Uber has a 8X fare rush and it will cost her $175 to get home. Kate will most likely attend another crappy all-inclusive New Year’s Eve party next year.







