PHILADELPHIA, PA – Former Vice President Joe Biden’s campaign staff announced today that after consulting with some of the top political strategists in the nation they had come to the conclusion that the best path to victory for their candidate going into the primary is to put duct tape over his mouth so he can’t screw up his current lead in the polls.

Biden had recently lost traction after making several gaffes, including one in Iowa where he said that ‘poor kids’ were just as bright as ‘white kids’. Biden quickly corrected his remarks, but the damage was done and it dominated the 24-hour news cycle for several days afterward.

“If he keeps his mouth shut for the next nine months, this election is a lock for Joe Biden.” Said Kate Bedingfield, communications director for Biden’s 2020 bid for the Presidency. “They can’t criticize him if they can’t understand him. Our only real problem going forward is figuring out how to keep him fed and hydrated, but we’re toying around with the idea of some kind of feeding tube.”

As for Biden himself, he had very little to say on the subject, but he did have a prepared statement for the press: “Mwafhwa mwahafa fwama fwahamahmawama.”