St. Louis, MO—

Now that Equifax has screwed over virtually every American adult, let us be thankful that Equifax never had to deal with extra pesky governmental regulations. Who knows how many jobs would have been murdered all across America if the government had enacted tyrannical legislation that forced Equifax to better protect Americans from identity and financial theft.

It would have cost dramatically less than the amount of money Americans will be scammed out of from the hacking, but it would have been a big bummer to Equifax’s bonus tier.

It remains to be seen how many Americans will suffer financially from this lapse in appropriate security, but at least they never suffered from bureaucratic red tape that only affected Equifax.

The Boomers who don’t understand our digital century may be robbed of their easy retirements, but at least they will have died before fascist communist socialism blooms and compels rich people to share record profits with the employees who actually do the toiling for that money. The Boomers have it so good. They may have spent decades voting against their own middle class self-interest and enslaved themselves to a bastardized free market that threatens the livelihoods of their children and grandchildren, but they didn’t have to see a day where rich people went from paying 39.6% in taxes to paying maybe 42%, like, just while the country is actively falling apart.

God is great: the wealthy 1% have been spared a minor inconvenience.

(Picture courtesy of Thomas Galvez.)

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