Spoilsports at the British Transport Police have lambasted behaviour at this year’s Six Nations but surely there is still a way rugby and alcohol can mix?

The RBS Six Nations is only a couple of weekends old but the award for spoilsport of the tournament has already been claimed. According to Superintendent Andy Morgan of the British Transport Police, there is a problem at this time of year with middle-aged male rugby supporters who – wait for it – drink too much. “I would like to film some of these people and, when they’re back in their three-piece suits on the Monday morning going off to work, play it back to them – because it’s a disgrace,” he fumed to Wales Online. “Our problem is middle-aged men who think they can behave any way they like.”

What a shame Superintendent Morgan’s potential views on Welsh supporters wearing daffodils – “All that yellow, who do they think they are?” – or Scotsmen in kilts – “I’m telling you, it’s an outrage” – were not recorded. Alternatively, there is the ultimate worst-case scenario: that instead of being a world-class fun sponge with nil sense of humour he may just be right. An alcohol-free Six Nations? The day they shut the pubs in Cardiff, Edinburgh or Dublin on Six Nations matchdays, everyone will give up and go home.

It is stretching the point only a little to suggest the Six Nations would cease to exist if letting one’s hair down – easier for some than others – was not an option. If a middle-aged Englishman cannot wake up once every two years in Rome, pull on his centurion outfit and enjoy a beer in the Piazza Navona, what can he do? Outside the Stadio Olimpico on Sunday evening, for example, I found myself standing at the traffic lights by the adjoining dimly-lit main road. Suddenly I became aware of a 12-inch sword being waved in my face, wielded by a local uttering dark threats in loud Italian. A second later my “assailant” was reassuring me it was only plastic and requesting a high five. Ciao, baby.

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Such is the traditional way of the Six Nations. Pack a sense of humour or get the hell out of Dodge. Among the more hilarious weekends of my life was a trip to watch Scotland play in Ireland in the mid 1980s. You could have created an award-winning comedy script purely from the ferry trip over from Holyhead – “We’ve come down from Ba-rrow, Down the M6 so na-rrow, Crying cockles and mussels, Alive-alive-oh!” – and things grew even more entertaining once in Ireland. At least one of our group eventually had to be wheeled home in an abandoned supermarket trolley and we still giggle about the evening 30 years on.

If memory serves correctly, a couple of glasses of Irish lemonade were consumed along the way. Probably the most heinous crime committed, though, was by the designated breakfast maker, who was meant to cook scrambled eggs for 15 but reduced the whole lot to cinders after blearily popping outside for a fag and leaving the saucepan unattended.

Every village has its idiot and sometimes they are allowed to go away for a rugby weekend.

There is a clear difference, of course, between innocent fun, immature sniggering and a few beers and sinking sufficient alcohol to make Ibiza Uncovered look like a scout camp. Those of us not in Cardiff at the weekend cannot independently verify Superintendent Morgan’s thin-lipped verdict, but there is little doubt good-humoured supping can sometimes tip over the edge into excessive boorishness.

We have written before about Friday night kick-offs, in particular, and the inherent invitation to drink all day: next week, when France visit Cardiff, that potential headache will once again arise. There are also those who think Wales has a slightly bigger issue than some.

“These middle-aged men who turn into drunken idiots – it’s a cultural issue for us,” suggested Chief Inspector Sandra England, also of the British Transport Police, at the weekend.

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Maybe she is right, too. No one likes stepping through steaming pools of vomit on the way home, or being wedged on a train next to an individual who has consumed 12 pints of lager and forgotten to visit the gents before boarding. But there is a clear difference between such anti-social behaviour and advising everyone aged between 35 and 60 to drink only camomile tea and go to bed before 9pm on Six Nations weekends. Better, surely, to put on more trains, hire more loos, foster a carnival atmosphere, do everything humanly possible to help people get home safely and, most importantly, embrace the Six Nations for what it is: a uniquely joyous opportunity to meet new friends, catch up with old ones and enjoy a few cheerful hours away from the stresses and strains of everyday life.

Perhaps Superintendent Morgan should take a Saturday off next month and pop up to Twickenham dressed as a giant banana. He might just find he enjoys himself hugely.

STING IN THE TALE

Amid all the Six Nations hullabaloo, the weekend’s most remarkable scoreline came at Allianz Park. Saracens 23 Wasps 64 is some result, regardless of your allegiances. It leaves Saracens still on top of the Aviva Premiership but, in conjunction with Leicester’s defeat at Newcastle, the league has been shaken up significantly. Just five points now separate third and eighth place in the table, with Sale, Gloucester and Northampton all suddenly back in the play-off mix. At the top Exeter Chiefs are a mere four points behind Sarries and, despite a couple of recent losses, still doing a very passable oval-ball impression of Leicester City. If the final months of the Premier League season promise to be gripping, it is no less tense in rugby union.

WORTH WATCHING

Bath v Wasps. Given Wasps’ last outing, it will be interesting to see what happens when they meet a Bath side still looking a touch nervously over their shoulders. Last year the fixture produced 65 points and a convincing 39-26 home win; this time Wasps will fancy winning at a ground where they have not won in the league since 2010-11. It is extraordinary to think that Bath have managed just one home league win since the opening weekend of the season; something is going to have to change very quickly if they are to stand the remotest chance of playing European Champions’ Cup rugby next season.