Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the host of the Laugh Track column, a man who's gonna live forever ... Mike McIntyre.

Thank you, Cleveland. A research team from the University of Kansas, studying a period of about 5 million years, has determined that laziness might be a fruitful strategy for a species to survive. I want to get up and celebrate this vindicating news, but the couch is so comfy.

Accidental Comedy Fest starts Wednesday: The Accidental Comedy Fest, which grew out of a few sets during the IngenuityFest in 2011, has become a jewel for Cleveland comedy.

Comedian Ramon Rivas II, coming to Accidental 2018 straight from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in Scotland, started the Accidental festival after that initial year programming acts for Ingenuity. It's now officially the seventh year.

And it may be its best, as it works through its second year in a comedy-Mecca venue, Hilarities inside Pickwick & Frolic restaurant.

What makes Accidental special is the mix of comics on the crest of a wave. Some have loyal followings, and many will soon become household names. And the diversity of comics - and their comedic points of view - is incredible.

It also provides local comics with the chance to talk shop and to deliver their best material to big crowds. Which is where you come in.

Main-stage shows are just $20. Cabaret room shows are more intimate and just as funny for $10. There are also weekend passes ($100 single, $175 for a pair) and full-week passes ($125 single, $200 for a pair). They're a great value, and you get to hang with the comics, not just laugh at their stuff. (Go to hilarities.com or accidentalcomedy.com.)

I talked with the organizers of Accidental - Rivas, Jimmie Graham, Mary Santora, John Bruton, Cody Cooper and Josh Morrow. They gave me a heads-up on some of the comics not to miss. I don't have room for them all here, and there really are a ton of top-notch comedians coming.

Here are just a few. For their full recommendations, and to see some video of several of the comics performing their sets, visit cleveland.com/entertainment. They didn't mention this one, but I'll lead off with it.

Rivas jumped in to replace Jermaine Fowler, who canceled last-minute because of a film project. Not a bad fallback to have Rivas, as his act is national-caliber and so polished and pointed since he began with a Tri-C stand-up class in 2008.

Clayton English, 8 p.m. Thursday, Aug. 30:

Said Bruton: "Most people might be familiar with him for NBC's 'Last Comic Standing,' Comedy Central's 'Roast Battle' or 'Late Night with Seth Meyers' on NBC. The first time I got to see him live was in Atlanta at an open mic at a place called Kat's Kafe, and he killed it. It's always cool to see a comic in their element just rattling off jokes."

Debra DiGiovanni, 7 p.m. Friday, Aug. 31:

Said Rivas: "I saw Deb on one of my first shows after moving to Los Angeles and wow! It's like watching a volcanic eruption of jokes. On jokes. On jokes."

Said Santora: "He's that kind of special [comic] where he just dominates the stage, and then is the coolest dude to just sit and have a beer with after. He commands a stage like no one I've ever seen. He's a wordsmith, and his delivery is so natural, but theatrical at the same time."

Said Cooper: "I had never been to a live recording of his until last year's festival. I was completely blown away. Doug's fans are great, always ready for his call-and-response segments."

Comedy this weekend:

Now that your planning is underway for next week's festival, what about getting your laugh on this week? Here you go.

At Hilarities: Fortune Feimster has had a bunch of roles in TV and film, including her hilarious turn on Hulu's "The Mindy Project," since her days as a panelist and writer on "Chelsea Lately" on the E! Network and "Chelsea" on Netflix (where she did a killer Sarah Huckabee Sanders impression.) She just signed a deal to bring a project to the big screen: "Field Trip." It follows a group of middle school teachers on an extended field trip, and she'll also star in the film.

Her stand-up is sharp and fast, and it's clear she has extensive improv training, having come up through The Groundlings in Los Angeles.

Feimster headlines Hilarities at 7:30 and 10 p.m. Friday ($20-$25) and 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday ($23-$28). Hilarities is inside Pickwick & Frolic restaurant, 2035 East Fourth St., Cleveland. Call 216-736-4242 or go to pickwickandfrolic.com.

At the Improv: The ageless John Witherspoon (OK, he's not ageless - he's 76 - but he has the energy of someone half his age) headlines the Cleveland Improv this weekend. Maybe he'll talk about Cleveland's former favorite basketball player. He's not a fan, as he told TMZ recently while walking through LAX: "He holds the ball too long. Everybody wants to shoot, not just him."

Asked if he'd like to be in a LeBron-affiliated film, he answered, "Oh, hell yeah. If he'd let me on, I'd go out there and bring the ball down the court." Like we said, ageless.

Witherspoon headlines the Improv at 7:30 and 10 p.m. Friday ($25), 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday ($25), and 7 p.m. Sunday ($23). The Improv is at 1148 Main Ave., next to Shooters on the west bank of Cleveland's Flats. Call 216-696-4677 or go to clevelandimprov.com.