695 hours. That’s the amount of time I spent playing Battalion 1944 between Early Access release and June 2018. We were never the biggest community, but man, were we dedicated? I saw loads of competitive players trying their best to perfect their craft. We played arcade, PUGs, Scrims, Blitzkrieg Battles and later on 6G cups. We prepared for LANs. We made sacrifices. Why? Because the game was fun. It represented something nostalgic to many players and something new to others, myself included.

Before Battalion 1944 I had spent years playing in low level CS:GO and Overwatch teams on and off. In early 2018 I was hungry for more. I wanted something new and I wanted to see how far I could take this esports thing. As I was browsing the Internet, I stumbled upon Battalion 1944 and decided to give it a try. Even when I couldn’t find a full server, or people left mid-game and there was no backfill, or you had to play 4v6 or ever 3v7 at times, I knew Bulkhead were on to something. The core gameplay was good. Unfortunately we had already lost a big chunk of the playerbase by the time those issues were fixed.

Did that matter to me? To the rest of the competitive community? No, not really. I was hooked. We were hooked. When I first started looking for a team, I was really bad at the game. Despite that I managed to find a home in Valid.gg (KyZersen, Jxydon, SYKOTIKAL, JEF and myself). Our lineup didn’t last very long, but I was thrilled to be given a chance. Little did I know that I had just become part of one of the most welcoming and supportive communities I’ve ever seen on the Internet. As it turned out, more teams were willing to give me a chance. Fate Esports, Northern Mafia (later ManDown) and for a brief period of time Team PHAT. Every time I joined a team, I was, by far, the worst player on that roster. It took me a while to stop being nervous when I played. Every round felt like it would be my last, but to my surprise I noticed that I was given the time and space I needed to grow. As a player and as a person. Slowly but surely I actually got better at the game and it felt great.

I can’t even begin to describe what Battalion 1944 has done for my anxiety-ridden self. At the ripe age of 27 I realized that I’m never going to make it as a high level esports player, but I also realized that I can overcome my fears and insecurities. We can’t all be the best, but we can all be the best versions of ourselves.

Now that full release is approaching the urge to compete is coming back. When the gates open, I will be ready. And I hope to see every last one of you on the servers again. I also hope that new players will find their way to our amazing community and get a chance to make the same journey I did. Let’s get grinding again!

“It had never occurred to me that our lives, which had been so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed. If I’d known, maybe I’d have kept tighter hold of them, and not let unseen tides pull us apart.”

― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go