This … this thread of Megan Rapinoe ‘shopped into various locations is freakin’ brilliant.

Seriously, one of the more hilarious things this editor has had the privilege of reading in a good long while. And with the finals today, the timing couldn’t have been better.

Enjoy (we know you will).

Megan Rapinoe is at Cracker Barrel. She has asked to see the vegan menu. She has been informed by her server that there is no vegan menu. Megan Rapinoe would like to speak to a manager. pic.twitter.com/ekG9etzewP — R. M. Huffman (@R_M_Huffman) July 6, 2019

Vegan menu.

She would like to speak to the manager.

HA HA HA HA HA HA

Megan Rapinoe is at the supermarket. She is looking for organic cashew butter. She can find organic peanut putter. She can find a single brand of almond butter. There does not appear to be any cashew butter whatsoever. Megan Rapinoe would like to speak to a manager. pic.twitter.com/9f9ATjcWLp — R. M. Huffman (@R_M_Huffman) July 6, 2019

The nerve!

*dying*

Megan Rapinoe is at a Beyoncé concert. Beyoncé has not yet sung “Survivor.” Megan Rapinoe knows that “Survivor” is a Destiny’s Child song, but she was hopeful. She will not stay for the encore; traffic leaving will be bad enough. Megan Rapinoe would like to speak to a manager. pic.twitter.com/KozUWm5lB9 — R. M. Huffman (@R_M_Huffman) July 6, 2019

Well sure, if traffic is going to be bad we totally get it.

O.

M.

G.

Megan Rapinoe is at GameStop. She bought and opened FIFA 2018 yesterday but realized that she actually wants FIFA 2019. She has been informed by the cashier that she cannot return, but may sell back for partial credit. Megan Rapinoe would like to speak to a manager. pic.twitter.com/ZLZmlQvzFJ — R. M. Huffman (@R_M_Huffman) July 6, 2019

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh, our sides.

Megan Rapinoe is at the zoo. She specifically came to see the okapi. The okapi enclosure is empty. The only zoo employee she can find thinks that maybe the okapi is inside because it’s too cold, but he isn’t sure. Megan Rapinoe would like to speak to a manager. pic.twitter.com/vUemdwe7ov — R. M. Huffman (@R_M_Huffman) July 6, 2019

*can’t … breathe … *

HA HA HA HA HA HA

Megan Rapinoe is at a casino. She has never been to a casino before. She has spent $10 in quarters on a slot machine. She has won nothing. She understands the nature of gambling but still finds her lack of winning very suspicious. Megan Rapinoe would like to speak to a manager. pic.twitter.com/PBDv8ZxMMz — R. M. Huffman (@R_M_Huffman) July 7, 2019

Freakin’ Vegas.

Megan Rapinoe is using FaceApp. She would like to use “Gender Swap” to see what she would look like if she were a man. Unfortunately, FaceApp recognizes her as a man and offers to show her what she would look like as a woman. Megan Rapinoe would like to speak to a manager. pic.twitter.com/YEEdhLpYf8 — R. M. Huffman (@R_M_Huffman) July 7, 2019

And dead.

Seriously.

Totally dead.

Megan Rapinoe is at the airport several hours early. There is a flight to her destination boarding now. She would like to board. She does not want to sit an an airport Chili’s for four hours. The flight boarding now is full. Megan Rapinoe would like to speak to a manager. pic.twitter.com/VQNvD2YaQk — R. M. Huffman (@R_M_Huffman) July 7, 2019

The amount of work this Huffman fella must’ve put into this thread … huzzah!

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Whoa whoa WHOA! Thread from 2018 about possible connection between Jeffrey Epstein and Mueller’s FBI is enlightening

Like, she’s so MAD! AOC’s late-night temper tantrum after Nancy Pelosi throws SERIOUS shade her way only makes her look WORSE