CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The Home Affairs office is today being hammered by emails from the 16-variations of the last name ‘McLachlan’ that exist in South Australia, following the news that a boatful of European women have been caught trying to enter Australia illegally.

The sexy bunch of women have been identified as persecuted childcare professionals from Southern Europe, who are desperate to get to Australia to spend this Summer in Bondi before being delegated to a rich family by Peter Dutton.

The dash for refugee status in Australia comes after learning that The Australian Home Affairs Minister, Peter Dutton, is a big sympathisers with hot chicks who need help getting into the country to raise rich people’s children, after the revelations he granted European nannies visas when he held the immigration portfolio in 2015.

It is believed that when Australian families have enough money for a full-time unpaid nannies that lives in their house for free, it becomes French, these unskilled hot chicks are known as au pairs.

Peter Dutton stands accused of allowing several European au pairs into the country without the required documents, after taking a few phone calls from high-powered CEOs, namely the AFL Chief Gillon McLachlan and a few mates from Dutton’s policing days.

One of these young women has made a desperate plea for clemency to the Liberal Party donors of Australia, via TikTok.

“I need to find to asylum. Toorak is nice. So is Mosman, good beaches. From what I’ve seen on the internet. Ascot could be nice but I’d like to be in a house on the hill” said Matilda (20, Champagne Region)

“Worse comes to worst, I’d be willing to work as a governess on a one million acre cattle station in regional South Australia”