Hi, everyone! This is my fist post in CAF, although I’ve been reading it off and on for a few years. I have a question that’s been similarly answered before by others, but I think my case might be a bit different.

I’m from an area that’s predominately Catholic, so I was never exposed to anti-Catholicism as a child. In fact, I wasn’t even aware it even existed until I caught a whacky tirade on AM radio when I was a teenager. I’m now in my thirties, have four wonderful kids that go to Catholic school, am married to an atheist, and still live in a predominately Catholic area, but a different city from where I grew up.

The issue is with my in-laws, specifically my mother-in-law. She was raised a Southern Baptist but doesn’t practice or follow a religion, and hasn’t for probably about 40 years or so. My father-in-law was raised Catholic but like his wife he seems to be comfortably agnostic and has been his entire adult life. Lately I’ve been getting more and more vibes of animosity from my mother-in-law about my Catholicism. She has A LOT of closet prejudices that she’s always tended to cover up with platitudes of praise in a hand-wringing sort of way. (“Mexicans are so hard-working!” kind of stuff.)

But the romantic pandering to all things minority is starting to fade when it comes to Catholicism. She used to bend over backwards to assure me that Catholics don’t bother her at all. Oh, no no no! Not at all! In fact, her mother once stood up at a prayer group and admonished a Baptist man (a deacon no less!) for saying disparaging things about Catholics. Could she possibly have religious discrimination with a mother that noble? Of course not! I always knew what she was doing. I didn’t discuss religion with her because, well, it obviously caused her distress.

A few weeks ago at a family dinner my brother-in-law jokingly asked if we get a volume discount on tuition (Catholic or not, four kids is a lot this day in age.) I laughed and told him that, yes, in fact we do get a small discount. He and my father-in-law thought that was delightful, but my mother-in-law (who in fairness had had two glasses of wine at that point) just sort of shouted, “They want you to have all these children, but they expect you to pay to go to school!” Flustered and confused, my father-in-law asked what she was talking about. She said, “The Catholic Church! They don’t let them use birth control!” The room fell silent, and my husband just said, “Gee Mom, that’s a great attitude you have…”

Slightly whacky stuff like this has been happening more and more. She once spotted a bible I had hanging around and told me, “Oh, you know… We read the King James Version in my church as a child. I don’t think you guys are allowed to read that one.” I pointed out that that bible was, in fact, the King James Version. (Who in the world would think Catholics aren’t “allowed” to read a non-canonical bible?)

She refuses to go to any church service held by the kids’ school. For every one of our kids’ baptism she made a point for her and my father-in-law to show up right after mass, just in time for the actual Baptism. She once asked for my son to take off his crucifix for a trip to her family’s house. Just weird stuff like that. She also refuses to acknowledge that my husband, her son, is atheist and always has been. She swears up and down that he’s “very spiritual, he just doesn’t like organized religion.” Believe me when I say that there is absolutely positively nothing whatsoever spiritual about my husband. When he pointed out to her that he is most certainly atheist, which really shouldn’t be a surprise considering his personality and that he was raised with no religion whatsoever, she countered with, “Well I just think ‘atheism’ is a very negative word.” I can’t help but wonder if she thinks spirituality, or her romantic interpretation of it, is like spontaneous generation.

I’m not going to force the woman to go to mass. I’m not even going to say anything about it (I never have.) But I can’t help but wonder how she’d feel if I refused to go to a church service held in her hometown. And furthermore, would she actually expect me to refuse to enter a Protestant church? Does she think that’s normal behavior? Rhetorical questions abound!

My mother thinks these stories are entertaining, and I agree that they can be. The NO BIRTH CONTROL story will last me a lifetime. I can’t wait to share that one with my future daughters-in-law. But at the same time I guess I just don’t know how to react to all of this. She’s not so much hurtful, but just good old fashioned wrong. And besides, it’s not like she can shed what’s obviously a deep prejudice she’s held for a long time. Any advice? And are there any people here who are in a similar position of having a family member who may not even realize their own prejudices?

Thanks for reading this entire rant, and I’m glad to finally post at CAF!