As we all know mother nature is extremely sexist since sexism is extraordinarily abundant throughout her kingdom. For some unfathomable reason she sees fit, in her infinite patriarchal fascism, to continually set up systems of oppression in the sexual dynamics of most species. Unsurprisingly, in most cases it is the unfortunate female who gets the short end of the stick. It is about time some enterprising bloggers took up the cause of shaming evolution and natural selection into being more fair toward females of every species. Human women have through hard effort and completely rational means won liberation from their oppressors. In order to responsibly enjoy their new found privilege, feminists must work just as tirelessly to bring liberation from structural oppression to their non-human sisters.

I vote that the first creature we should work to emancipate from sexist oppression be the red velvet ant. You can see her being sexually abused by the human misogynist in the following video. Her screams are just heart-wrenching. As is too often the case, the resident feminist knocking on the door and running her mouth was completely ineffectual at stopping the rape culture in action.

The red velvet ant makes its way in the world by laying its egg on the larva of the giant cicada wasp. In another example of a misnomer, this wasp is also known as the cicada hawk. Honestly, cicada hawk does sound better.

The cicada hawk digs deep burrows which contain several chambers; each for one larvae. Into these chambers it drags freshly caught cicadas for each of the larvae to eat as it grows.

The female red velvet ant must crawl down the burrow to reach the larvae and lay its eggs, which in turn kill/eat the cicada hawk larvae and the cicada.

All of the above demonstrates an extreme amount of wasp racism and xenophobia to be sure, and of course we are also SOOOO upset about that too! Just one more thing that demonstrates that mother nature and her creatures are anarcho-fascist, capitalist pigs. Or rather, they obviously would be if bugs used money. Oppression is oppression, but lets keep it real. As feminists what we really care about is women and women only. Lets forget about all this scientastic crap since that is making our heads hurt and move onto the emotional high we get from that juicy indignation against sexism. Specifically, the red velvet ant male is allowed to grow wings and is thus able to soar through the skies happy and free while the female red ant is forced to toil on the ground. (Compare first image)

Don’t give me any crap about possible convenience for sneaking into burrows. This is hands down one of the most sexist arrangements I have seen evolution come up with and that is saying a lot because I have seen more examples of this than I can count. (Up to 47; I am smarter than your average feminist).

We need to go to Washington and protest, write letters to our representatives and force them to enact legislation that will fix this grave injustice. If those damn biologists can’t figure out a way to give wings back to the females, then we want bureaucrats in every garden cutting off the wings of the males to level the playing field. This oppression can not stand! Social insect justice must be had!

There is a consolation fact worth considering, however. The female cicada hawk larvae likes to eat two or three times the amount of her male counterpart and is fed extra cicadas accordingly. That reminds me of a more familiar species….

(Disclaimer, I know neither cicada hawks nor red velvet ants are social insects, it was a joke.)