Dear James C. Green, Wasatch County GOP Vice-Chair,

I just read your Letter to the Editor in the Park Record regarding the ridiculous Equal Pay bill being considered in Utah’s Legislature, and I wanted to thank you for your leadership and guidance. You’re a true hero for highlighting the disastrous economic outcomes we’d surely see if we forced innocent businesses to pay people for their work instead of for their gender. Can you imagine!?

As I sit down to pen this letter of respect and support (who am I kidding, I can’t type while I’m holding my baby in one hand and a dishrag in the other – I’m delicately dictating this to my housekeeper), I did have just a couple silly lady questions I wanted to run by your wise man brain. Please advise.

Do you think we should reduce men’s pay if they don’t plan to have a family or can’t land a wife? Or should businesses just institute a mandatory pay increase when men marry, and subsequent raises for every child? Just thinking through logistics.

Should we require sex reassignment for women who are the sole or majority breadwinners of their families? Or do we just let the free market forces drag them into poverty? It’s like, how do we get those mamas back home where they belong, I mean prefer to be!?

Can you define “men’s jobs”? Some of my gal pals and I would like to picket at places of employment that allow women to do men’s work. Disgusting!

Also, what the HECK do we do about the gays?? lol

Thank you again, James, for your masculinity and patriotism. In Capitalism we trust.

Femininely,

Marina Gomberg