I realize its been a while since I’ve updated; I won’t bore you with the details, I’ve just been a very busy lady. That’s why I’ve decided to condense these three unboxings into one Loot ‘riffic update! We have August 2014: “Heroes,” September 2014: “Galactic,” and October 2014: “Fear.” Since its been so long, and I know you’ve all been waiting with bated breath, I mean, this is the most topical of articles, lets get to it!

August 2014 Loot Crate: “Heroes”!

Fresh on the heels of “Villains,” If y’all remember my July unboxing, then you’re aware August’s box had some pretty gigantic shoes to fill in the wake of “Villains.” Does the box nail it or fail it? I’ll let you make up your own minds, (and afterword barrage you with my own.) Let’s dive in, folks!

The box was biggest one I’ve received to date, so I was looking forward to greatness!

It appears to be a Ninja Turtle type lair. Cute, but I’ve seen better, and am only a marginal Turtle fan.

To inhabit our miniature Turtle habitat is a miniature Raphael TMNT Full Figure by Kidrobot. It also apparently glows in the dark. Nice!

More Turtly swag, and I have to admit though these are cute and nerdy, this much focus on the Ninja T’s is a bit gratuitous. There are tons of heroes out there, why not use some variety and spice it up for us?

Shwings? This would maybe be cute for a kid dressing up as Flash, but its swap meet fodder for me.

Super cute! Have to admit I love the Loot magnets.

By far the best piece in the Heroes Crate, The Groot Pop Vinyl figure! I haven’t even seen Guardians, and I loved this little guy.

There was also a Sonic The Hedgehog air freshener, but by the time of this writing, I had already hung it up in my car. The smell was very short lived, but its still a cute rear-view accessory.

All in all, this was my least favorite crate of the three. I feel that they focused too much on the Ninja Turtle stuff, and there weren’t any other really good things in it, (at least in my opinion,) that were enough to redeem it; namely a shirt. It didn’t even have a poster, which probably would have gained at least half a Cat Bug in its favor. Come on LC, there’s a plethora of Heroes you could have included, and you dropped the ball. Maybe it had to do with licencing issues. One can only guess.

LC August 2014: “HEROES”

3/10 Cat Bugs!

Okay, so we’re off to a bad start, but the next two can’t possibly be worse, right? Let’s find out!

September 2014 Loot Crate: “Galactic”

I have actually been so busy that I kind of forgot it was LC time by the day this one rolled into the heap of packages in the corner my apartment’s main office, and hadn’t even caught wind of what the theme was. I was pleasantly surprised upon opening, to find out it was “Galactic.” There are a lot of cool things that fit into that category, and I’ve always been into space odysseys, so lets see what they chose for the crate.

What appears to be a clinical spaceship corridor, with some funky rocks and unidentified furry things outside the airlock.

Nice vintage looking Alien figure, by Funko & 20th Century Fox. Upon peering at the monthly item guide, it appeared there are several other character figures in the set, but I’m not quite sure they were up for grab in others’ crates, or if everyone got The Alien.

I was particularly excited about the Han Solo poster; while not a total Star Wars fandom subscriber, the old films will always have a fond place in my childhood memories of watching them all on VHS, with their colorful and attractive cases. Plus, what little tomboy didn’t want to grow up to be Leia? I just happen to be lucky enough that people often accidentally mispronounce my given name, so I get little chances to pretend.

Moving on from Wars to Trek, we have a Tribble! Again, never a fan of Star Trek. Not because I think it’s bad, but because I was in the wrong age range and household to ever be exposed to it. I love the recent films, (who doesn’t,) and have always thought these little things were cute. Friends of mine have one on display, and I have to be jealous no more!

Firefly Bank Robber money! I know its sick and sad, but I also missed the boat on Firefly. I had no idea what this was at first, but my boyfriend, a HUGE Firefly buff, was quick to explain it to me, and drool all over it. I think its adorable and very attractive looking. Before you get too angry, I do like what little of Firefly I’ve seen, but there’s something I can’t put my finger on that prevents me from really immersing myself into the show. I do love the over-world; which is reminiscent of Trigun’s Planet Gunsmoke, something I do truly love. Hopefully that will be a story for another Crate!

Just because I’m not a true Firefly “fan,” doesn’t mean I didn’t squee when I saw this little vinyl Mal figurine, by Funko. He just looks so mad wif his widdle gun, and his widdle coat, and his widdle shoes…”You’re nice, too.”

“No I’m not, I’m a mean old man.”

Here we have some delicious Blue Razz Pop Rocks, (my favie,) and something I care absolutely nothing about, a code for some Dark Horse digital Halo comic.

There was also an old-school Star Wars arcade magnet, but its already up on my fridge, and I forgot to snap a pic. It’s not super cute, but serves the purpose of, well, a magnet. Also, I believe the LC pin is in the cupholder of my car, suffering the same fate as the Sonic air freshener, so no photo there either.

All in all I was very pleased with this Crate, despite not being a fan of most of the utilized lore and characters, I found the items cute, and very worthy of display. The only knock I have is not having any Mass Effect swag. I may be biased due to how much I love the franchise, but I mean, come on. How do you see the words “Galactic” with implied nerd merch, and not think of Mass Effect?

LC SEPTEMBER 2014: “GALACTIC”

6.5/10 Cat bugs!

Onto October’s Crate; I saved the best for last! Oh, you think its because October is categorically the last month in my sequence, and therefore has to serve caboose or else it would throw off the flow of the article? That’s for me to know, and you to be in the dark about. Forever.

Loot Crate October 2014: “Fear”

Come October, I again, had no prior knowledge of the Crate’s theme. However, I don’t know why I didn’t predict it would be something spooky scary, given this lovely, albeit brief time of year I adore so much. It sneaks up on you and departs just as rudely, always leaving one wanting more. Luckily most of they year is October for me, because I was raised on spooky scary and 90% of the media I watch is horror related. The other 10% is cooking shows. I digress, let’s get to this month’s fantastic Crate, which is hands down my favorite of the three.

I’m immediately endeared to the box art, which is contrived from the Weapon’s Bench of the Dead Rising franchise. I’ve spent many hours watching my boyfriend play this tongue in cheek entertaining game, and the Weapon’s Bench is where a lot of the hilarity stems from. Good place to start!

As our appetizer, we have a Smite skin gift card, which is fun, but I won’t use, and another WarHead type candy; I learned my lesson with “Transform.” WarHeads are not my thing, and if the wrapper is indicative of the contents, as is a wrapper’s main purpose, its going to be toxic waste, emphasis on “waste.”

Told You. I’mma take a hard pass.

Here we have some zombie slash and bite temporary tattoos, which could be a fun addition to a whimsical Halloween costume! Or trying to cut out of work early. Don’t even explain how you got the wounds to your boss. Just say, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Or, you could go the other way and over share, “My girlfriend is on her period.” See if he ever scrutinizes your questionable DR’s notes again.

I love this, I love this, I LOVE THIS. This print is by the very talented JSalvador of SuperEmoFriends glory, and aptly named “Oh, Brother.” Though I actually never got past around the second or third season of TWD, D. Dixon was always my favorite, before all the fan girl, squirrel belt fury hit. I love this because its a very whimsical take on an otherwise tragic situation. Brothers separated by betrayal and zombies. Now they’re immortalized in all their Chibi Emo glory.

The TWD fun didn’t stop with the print, though that would have been enough for me. They went the extra mile by including yet another exclusive variant cover comic book, a la Rocket Raccoon from “Villains” way back in July. This is issue 132, done and copy signed by the cover artist, Charlie Aldard. Yet another comic that’s not coming out of its sleeve.

Doesn’t really count as “loot,” I guess, but the LC booklet comes fully loaded with 3D front and back WD inspired cover art! They were even nice enough to include a pair of old school 3D glasses, which can be recycled for your Tennant costume later. I feel awfully sorry for anyone’s Crate that was missing these handy suckers, because that cover is damned hard to look at without them, even if you’re not actively looking at it. Its always lingering uncomfortably just inside your periphery.

Tying in with the box art, this is an amazeballs little Dead Rising 3 Weapon’s Bench Frankenstein experiment of a weapon. Ya got yer sledgehammer, ya got yer circular saw, and it comes fully equipped with stained gore, your visible confirmation of certifiable pre-use. It practically sells itself, just look at how well it worked for it’s previous owner! What happened to them? I’m sorry, but I’m not at liberty to discuss that right now. I was impressed with the very inspired little box in which the pen was packaged. It looks like a large blood spattered jewelry box, and the pen was secured with its own foam cradle. Can you say gift wrap recycling?! Of course after the giftee in question opens the box, I will immediately snatch it back.

I have no audible words for how awesome this shirt is. Just, cats. Skull cats. The forehead ones aren’t fucking around. The female option is a babydoll cut, which was refreshing in the face of the baggy “Marty McPrime” and “Joki” shirts. They fit well, they’re just not exactly accentuating to the female form. The Nega-Cat shirt is just this side of too small for me, but still wearable. As in, every day wearable.

Usually the LC shirts are my favorite Crate swag, but this takes the cake by far! Its an actual full length book, and reads like a less dry, sardonically sour Cracked article. Its a survival guide for “Unnatural Disasters,” and some other far out situations, some of which are actually based on real SyFy B-movies. Shaffer and his Ex-wife put their heads together and churned out this tip and trick filled book that is not unlike “The Zombie Survival Guide.” I’m ashamed to admit I got near to the third entry before I realized the subjects were facetious; I blew through Antdemic, which is about surviving swarms of flying ants whose bites instantly render their victims into zombies, then a third through Arachnoquake, and it took the fact that the spiders breathe fire to tip me off. I’m a gullible sort. (Fun Fact: I also did not realize “The Zombie Survival Guide” was not non-fiction work initially either.) I immediately picked it up and am having trouble putting it down long enough to write this.

LC Zom Squad is watching you.

As I mentioned, this is my favorite LC of the three, and to date, actually, eclipsing even “Villains.” It has all the ingredients of a near flawless crate; Exclusive Comic Variant Cover, a nifty pen, utilizable fake tattoos, (which are three words you don’t usually see together,) 3D glasses, a bomb.com shirt, and a freaking book! A book that’s quite entertaining, even. I’m sorry LC, but its going to be extremely hard to top this gem. My only knock would be that maybe the theme “Fear” was a bit of a misnomer. It was nearly 100% zombie based, which to me is a very oversaturated subject, doesn’t chill me in the slightest, and never really did, so unless you count how frightening I find small sour candies, nothing in it actually, well, scared me. Maybe they should have called it “The Walking Crate,” or “Post-Apocalyptic.” Fear doesn’t fit. I’m scared of ghosts, hotel rooms, haunted hotel rooms, horses, Crocs, camping, caves, most small children, Sam from Trick r’ Treat, islands, boats, the dark, automatic flushing toilets, and Candyman, because fuck Bloody Mary, Candyman ain’t yanking your chain. Unless he’s yanking with his hook hand, and the chain is your large intestine. If they wanted it to be scary, they should have put things that are actually scary in it, but aside from this, I have next to no complaints.

LC OCTOBER 2014: “FEAR(?)”

9.5/10 Cat Bugs!

Try not to stare at the 3D zombies. Go ahead.

So there you have it. A consolidated anthology of LC’s shenanigans in the past three months, here on one convenient list. I’m not lazy, I just value your precious time. The powers-that-be haven’t yet released next month’s theme, but I’m waiting to see if they will try and top, or at least keep on par with all that “Fear” brought to the table, or just bow out quietly and defer to their usual tricks. Well, this is ALT2what signing off, and wishing you a Happy Halloween, Fall, and October in general. Enjoy this small window of time before it runs away from you screaming like it does every year, while you remain shaking your fist in its wake. What an asshole.

As always, Happy Looting, folks!