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Twin Peaks is one of those rare shows that managed to simultaneously create and peak an entire genre. Its dreamlike atmosphere, well-conceived characters, and quirky dialogue that is at constant odds with the ever-so-slightly creepy overall vibe is responsible for roughly 75 percent of the shows you enjoy, and also that image of David Duchovny in drag that keeps popping onto your retinas at 2 a.m. After the series' initial run, owls could have conquered the world had they realized how terrified we suddenly were of them. For a solid year, every single viewer checked behind their couch for errant BOBs before they sat down.

ABC

And let's not even discuss the subject of bathroom breaks.

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I love Twin Peaks. The show had a profound influence on me when I was a child, marking my transition from a snotty kid that lived on cartoons and MacGyver to ... a slightly older snotty kid that lived on cartoons, MacGyver, and Twin Peaks.

I love Twin Peaks, which is why I want it to never come back.

Why It Should Never Return:

Because it wouldn't be Twin Peaks anymore.

"Oh, boo hoo. Would the actors having a few extra wrinkles tug your itty bitty heartstrings?" you ask. "Of course the show would be different, it's been 25 years. Go read up on time skips as a narrative device, crybaby." To this, curiously cheeky person I just made up for the sake of narrative, I have two arguments: One, fuck you, you don't even exist. Two, I'm not saying the hypothetical Twin Peaks revival can't be a decent show. I'm saying it wouldn't be the same show.