London: On a stroll near a wooded area near Karl Marx grave US President Donald Trump happened upon ‘the sword in the stone.’ Yes, that sword in the stone. Trump says he vaguely remembers the story, but he thought it happened in upstate New York, or Vermont’s ‘kingdom.’ Upon coming upon the large sword sticking out of the rock President Trump stepped forward and resolutely pulled the blade out with two hands and a hearty grunt.

“There we go,” he said, huffing a little. “I wonder who left this museum piece out in a park like this. Is that some English custom?”

When quickly informed of the legend and the iron clad legal requirement that he be recognized as king of the United Kingdom of England and Northern Ireland and Scotland and Wales and The Falklands and Gibraltar Trump seemed stunned.

As the English people in the group knelt down humbly in front of Trump he burst out, “I’m not responsible for all the debts and fees owed to the European Union, am I? ‘Cause if I am I’ll put the sword back!”

Trump was told that not only was he free from any debt but he now had a guaranteed income for life and was a substantial property owner across the UK, and, indeed, the world.

“This is like a dream come true,” Trump said humbly, “I always wondered what it would be like to be a king when I read fairy tales to my kids when they were little, or when I went to see Lord of the Rings movies. I was like a king in my own company, but, now, to have feudal rights and all these insane little perks. Even I’m a little embarrassed. But, I’ll make a great king and I’ll make England Great Again. True, I have German descent. But there were previous kings of England who were German cousins of some royal line who were brought in, so, I won’t be the first.”

Then he paused an thought for a moment. “Oh, God, I’m going to have to deal with that little twerp Sadiq Khan every day now. There are devout Islamists all over the place and the government funds Koranic schools. Yikes! I don’t know if I’m up to this job. I’ve got my hands full already.”