GENEVA – Following reports of sustained violence and the rise of dangerous militant and political groups, the United Nations is allocating 40,000 peacekeepers to the US in an attempt to maintain order.

“Many in the southern territories are supporting dangerous political powers that seek to undermine the government and promise draconian punishments against minority populations,” said Samantha Power, head of the United Nations Security Council. “These political leaders are financed by oligarchs who are looking to use their patronage as leverage to increase their financial earnings.”

“This is Pablo Escobar all over again,” she added.

The region has become so dangerous that many Canadian travelers opt to simply fly over the United States while on their way to Colombia, Grenada, and other safer South American nations.

“Rule of law is beginning to disintegrate. Police are able to commit murder without recourse. Legal medical procedures for women are being made unavailable by religious insurgents in positions of power,” explained Romeo Dallaire, Major-General of the 1993 UN mission in Rwanda. “Much like in Rwanda, masses of people are roaming the streets with dangerous weapons. Weapons they can buy on any street corner. Civil war seems inevitable.”

The UN has generally received commendation for taking a strong stance on the unstable situation. However, some, particularly those from nations that border the embattled USA, believe that the UN isn’t going far enough and that a show of military force is necessary if the situation is to be improved.

“The situation is too dangerous for Canadian foot soldiers but, hypothetically, airstrikes could be used to take out high priority targets such as gun ranges and Fox News headquarters,” said Dr. Thomas Tieku, a professor from the Munk School of Global Affairs. “In a few years we could be facing another refugee crisis but this time dangerous militants could actually find their way into Canada.”

At press time, U.S. State Department officials let out a resigned sigh and admitted that the US needed all the help they could get.