Prosecutors and the FBI have contacted his Prince Andrew’s lawyers in order to question him about Jeffrey Epstein but, according to US Attorney Geoffrey Berman, have received no response.

After being informed by aides, the Prince exploded into a torrent of sweat that had remained inside him for over 20 years, with the news that the FBI wanted to question him finally being the breaking point to his decades long drought of perspiration.

As soon as the I in FBI had was enunciated, the Prince burst forth like a Royal Geyser, propelling jets of sweat so powerful that servants and staff were launched through doors and out of windows.

The Prince then spent the next few hours sliding all across Buckingham palace like a human luge, coating the walls with sweat and lubricating every nook and cranny. This terrifying royal slip and slide was only stopped after the Prince found himself stuck in the pantry, bouncing between the walls like a moth trapped inside a lampshade.

If the Moth was also suspected of sexual offences involving a minor.

Buckingham Palace said the prince’s legal team was dealing with the issue.

Primarily with about two hundred packs of Bounty super rolls.

The Prince says that an overdose of adrenaline in the Falklands gave him the inability to sweat.

This later worsened over the time, eventually giving him the inability to do fuck all.