HOW DO YOU PEW?

I pew pew at more Terrans and ATF ships. As such, I’m not a very high ranking person with them, as they really don’t appreciate my pew pew pew.

Again in Omicron Lyrea, there’s a single Terran capital which is getting pewed up by several Argon ships. I fly at it, and find that there’s some Claymores helping it. Time for me to “claim more” kills (hurrr deeee huurrurururrarrurr!)

As usual, I open up with a ridiculous amount of lasers, and they get deleted from the game world.

I fly towards the Terran capital, and start shooting at some of the fighters. Of course, the fighters try to weave and turn around me, but their attempts at remaining existing don’t pay off, as I have turrets, which take the element of existing away from them.

KRPG IN SPACE

The next story mission tells me to go to whatever Jonferco research base. I go to whatever Jonferco research base.

They then tell me to find three laser towers. Just why. Really. Just. Why.

Flying around some of the sectors around Argon Sector M148, there’s only one place (why) that has one laser tower. Why. I don’t deserve this. You’re going to need to pay me in bundles of murderous laser-topped battlefleets of murderisity. Or the credit equivalent. Fetch quest.

I’m sorry, but this belongs in a KRPG or any other RPG sub-genre now days. X3 is a real role-playing game; you aren’t building yourself to be a level 99 max STR tank with enchanted weapons of death, you’re building yourself to be who you want to be, actually a personality. No, you’re building yourself to be a corporate mastermind who controls the starts, with maxed out PWNsauce and enchanted lasers of galactic destruction, bringing empires to your knees through the mass production of meatsteak cahoonas, having your Discoverers run into everything, including you, even if you don’t tell them to. This isn’t what I refer to as a “Number-playing Game”, this is what I refer to as a “Role-playing the Ultimate Warlord Corporate CEO Fighter Pilot Ninja General Triple-Double-Reverse-Quadruple Pirate Agent Poet of Many Missiles and Guns Game”.

So how the heck did a Zenonia quest get stuck in here? That is just about my only triffle with the whole game. It’s such an epic game, but this is ridiculous. You could’ve at least made it actually possible without searching the stars for fourty hours and/or building a laser tower complex that stretches around Uranus (lol) just so you can complete one quest, which will give you a few 100K.

My work here is done. Back to the game.

I decide I’m going to go do something else more productive, such as build up my own empire, instead of building up the NPC who somehow made it from a magical land far far away to a galaxy which obviously isn’t far away enough from this dude’s land of trolls and pixie dust. I love everything else about X3 though, it’s just about the best space-sim of modern times, and it usually doesn’t give you these tasks. I promise.

THESE MAMMOTHS ARE A WHOLE LOT SLOWER THAN THE SKYRIM ONES

If I thought “Blizzard” there was bad enough, now I try setting up my first complex. (That will be the Jonferco dude’s official name starting………………..now.)

You can see where this is going, I’m sure. No plot twists here, Suzanne Collins.

I jump back to Herron’s Nebula, switch into my Discoverer, then set my M6s to patrol the sector. And then I travel to Argon Prime.

Once there, comms are established with the Argon Supply Mammoth, or Kesha, as is his designation within my company. ‘Member him? Yeah, I thought you were a fan of his.

I tell him to fly to the Cloudbase Southwest shipyard. If you’ve played around in the Argon space, you know how far this is for a Mammoth to go.

I pass the time grinding the stock market as usual, mainly the Seizewell Exchange. Soon, maybe I’ll have to go find more exchanges.

SETA is abused for a long time. And then I finally check the map and see that the Mammoth has arrived there before VALVE discovers hidden knowledge about the number three.

I have him buy an XL Solar Plant. And now I tell him to fly back.

I think this warrants several paragraphs of ………………………………………………………………

Once upon a time, there was a ………………, and it was ……….. with a hint of ……………………….. It liked to play in the ……………………………….., before it was ………..ed by a ……………., where it was summoned to ……….. by the ………… of ……………………..

Sometimes, X3 can have a little too much fun with the … moments, and you’ll develop an addiction to the “J” key. Yes, it can be a slow game, but it is also so darn rewarding to finally build that giant fleet of capital ships, which certainly are not boring to use when you shove some big arse guns up the fuddlejenkins of the pirates who killed twenty of your CAGs or whatever your sad story is. Vendettas are really epic in this game. ‘Cause lasers and big missiles are involved, and lots of ’em.

CAMPBELL’S SOUP AND CHEF BOYARDEE GOT NOTHIN’ ON ME

The Mammoth arrives, and now it’s time to begin throwing the pasta in the boiling cold of space.

First mistake: I line the nodes up carefully using my Advanced Satellite’s video feature, and my ship, and then accidentally deploy the giant solar plant of doom directly ontop of my ship. The result is that I get to see the cutscene of my solar plant appearing, as the Verbose Ship Computer tells me — in a very unamused tone — that the Triplex Scanner has just been blown to Oblivion (not the Elder Scrolls kind), along with everything else.

Second Mistake: I carefully line the nodes up again, once again with the help of my video sat, and with the help of my own Discoverer, which is now slowly moving backwards, and then I don’t figure out that placing the hub is the last step. After the cutscene, there is Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup spilling all over the sector.

This is where I decide to take a break from X3 for a few days.

A few days later, I come back and try to set it up again, reloading from my Salvage Insurance save I made right before setting the stations and hub up. I carefully study each stage to see which one actually is placing the hub. And then I press Enter.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this article, and please spam the “like” button, because it’s mutually beneficial for all parties involved. Also leave some comments in the comment section below, because then you’ll have more practice with your keyboard? I don’t know, anyways, thanks for reading, and I’ll see you soon!

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