The first annual Queer Continuum was everything we in the B+ community hoped for. Set up by members of the Utah Pride Center and the 1 to 5 Club, the planning committee put together a broad range of panels, workshops, and presentations that were as diverse as the members themselves.

At the moment, Salt Lake City, Utah is the only place that celebrates a whole month of Bisexual Awareness. Officially Bisexual Awareness Week takes place September 23rd-30th, kicking off with Bi Visibility Day.

The committee’s message for Queer Con states the diversity loud and clear:

“Queer Continuum is a safe space for exploring all aspects of sexuality and attraction. From bisexual to pansexual, aromantic to polyamorous, we embrace and deconstruct how race, class, gender, ability and other facets of our identities intersect and affect us. With a commitment to both diversity and inclusion, we challenge social norms and instigate meaningful conversations that strengthen our ‘queer’mmunity.”

The Con lived up to it’s message. The events seven hours were packed with an array of voices sharing personal experiences and teaching us why being visible is important.

Here is an overview of the day’s events:

Session One’s topics included polyamory and monogamy, race in the queer community, and youth and the media. Session Two featured a workshop on sex and disability, and presentations on activism, and safe sex. Session Three finished off the day with a trans* panel, and workshops on trans* basics, and attraction and mental health.

The day was split in half by a luncheon after Session Two, followed by the Keynote Speech given by art therapist, Mary Stanley.

Mary began her speech by talking about her gender-fluid eight-year-old; what it’s been like as the parent and main support system of a queer child, how they are treated by fellow students at school and dealing with their parents, and concluded with some interesting alternatives to the structure of a child’s major support systems.

Mary’s speech struck a cord with me – the commonality of growing up queer or growing up disabled. Both experiences have the same type of factor: we’re different.

When I was younger, I didn’t know I was queer. My bisexuality didn’t come out until I was in college. I was firm in my identity as a girl; I never questioned my parents raising me that way. But sometime around the age of five or six when I was in school, and now using a wheelchair and practicing with a walker around other children, I began to notice I was different. I couldn’t get around like the other kids. I couldn’t do the things other kids could do. I spent a lot of time in the hospital, and I became aware that wasn’t a normal part of life for most kids, and it also caused me to miss out on school and fun things other kids were doing. I was separated and secluded from children my age because I was different. I was a very angry child.

My loving parents, whom I was reminded of listening to Mary talk about her own children, always did their best- endless hospital stays and doctor appointments, the difficulty of getting a child to take daily medications, strapping on braces every morning- but didn’t always know how to help me with my anger. But as I got older, I began to understand how supportive they have always been and what it must have been like for them to have a daughter who was different from the other little girls. They never questioned my bisexuality, my relationship with a trans* woman, or my decision to be polyamorous. Sure, they are often surprised by my announcements of some new lifestyle change or unconventional relationship. But their only response has been, “as long as you are healthy and it makes you happy…” That is because they could never know what quality of life I would be able to have or how the condition of my health would progress. The big question was, could I ever have what was considered a “normal” life? So when it was evident that my life could be normal in a lot of ways – driving a car, having relationships, going to college, etc – with some differences, they were in support of what makes me happy; that make me who I am as a person.

Since hearing Mary speak, I’ve often wondered what it would take for more parents and families of queer children (young or grown) to realize the same thing- their child is healthy and can do the things other people do- and be supportive of the things that makes them who they are.

The speech was wonderful, the people involved were fantastic to talk to and share experiences with, the programs were amazing and so informative. The whole day was great, but the real highlight for me was holding my workshop.

Giving the workshop “This is How We Do It: the Reality of Sex and Disability” was the perfect opportunity for me to promote Sexability. Like my blog, Queer Con was a great venue for my audience to come ask questions and get support they may not be able to get elsewhere. The speech part of my workshop focused on the topics of resources, asking questions about sex and disability, and how to have the “sex talk.” But most importantly I discussed altering the perspective of “can a disabled person have sex” to “when it comes to sex, what is the person in question into.”

Of course, my favorite thing to tell people when I’m teaching them about this topic is, “Yes, I can have sex. I love sex. I love sex a lot and I tend to have a lot of it.”

The questions and discussion with the audience went even better. There was a lot of participation, all of which was positive. A majority of the conversation focused on the medical and health aspect of sex and disability. There were a lot of helpful questions and comments about how to talk to doctors about sex related topics, and some of the advice came from medical professionals themselves. The audience was also very helpful in sharing their experiences and opinions on dating a disabled person vs. just a sexual experience.

In the closing, I shared my plans for the future of Sexability. As I become more active with my blogging I want to open things up to networking options. Members of the audience were interested in helping build a substantial directory of resources. After talking to other people at my workshop I realized the need for a support group is huge. I’d like to branch out from regular blogging to starting an online support group for both disabled and non-disabled people can come for answers to questions they can’t ask elsewhere, information and resources to help with their concerns, and to share their experiences knowing there are others who want to help get the information out there.

Meanwhile offline, I will be looking into the possibility of involvement from the disabled community at the Utah Pride Center.

When comes to Queer Con, I have some hopes for Sexability’s involvement next year.

First and foremost, I’d love to have the opportunity to hold the workshop again and cover some different topics. I’d also like to be able to set up a sex and disability panel including both visible and non-visible disabilities, with a variety of sexual orientations. I have entertained the idea of inculding an able-bodied person on the panel, who is or has been in a relationship with a disabled individual. I feel it is important to share other differing perspectives and experiences beyond my own.

Over all, the experience was positive in a huge way. The opportunity of teaching at Queer Con has opened the door to great possibilities for the future of Sexability and the issues we in the disabled community face as sexual individuals.

***Note*** There have been some technical difficulties uploading a video clip of the workshop to the post. The video clip will be added to the post as soon as I can fix the bugs. Thank you.***