Every week, I’m going to rank the players based on their impact in the episode. These rankings are going to be completely subjective (so please don’t spend too much time critiquing them) based on my feelings of how entertaining the characters were, how they did competitively/politically, and how the episode impacted their overall game.

I’m going to keep running totals to determine who has the best season on War of the Worlds 2. The winner of this prestigious championship will be awarded the grand prize of nothing.

Let’s get to it.

RANKINGS

26. Esther- Was the slowest swimmer in the Hook’d challenge, didn’t really have any presence outside of that.

25. Ninja- Followed up almost losing to Laurel in last week’s elimination by absolutely shitting the (water)bed in the mission, finishing behind every other player besides Esther. Her stock as a competitor is plummeting fast after her terrific rookie season.

Plus, she got super offended when Zach called out her performance and felt like she was being mistreated. Sweetheart, have you seen any of Zach’s previous seasons? You should feel lucky he was that nice to you.

24. Kayleigh- The only person in this episode to not get a confessional, but she did have a fairly decent showing finishing in the mission, finishing seventh among girls.

23. Turbo- Is he even on this season? Is this a Purple Turbo situation?

He is almost being outright ignored by the edit. When Jordan was explaining the political dynamics of the US team, Turbo wasn’t even mentioned. He also looked mortal in the mission, losing to Rogan and finishing second-to-last for the guys.

22. Joss- I’m going to use this space on Joss to rant. Joss is the definition of a wallpaper character — nice to look at, but contributes absolutely nothing. He’s a great competitor, but it’s just a shame that he’s been on three of the last four seasons while legends like Darrell, Derrick K and Mark Long sit at home.

Obviously the format plays a large part of why those guys aren’t on the season since they are Americans, which made spots limited on both War of the Worlds seasons.

But my point is that the show consistently puts young duds on like Joss, Idris, Chase, Victor, etc. over legends just because the older guys probably aren’t going to stir up much drama.

I would much rather see a legend on a season than some young guy who’s just going to be replaced by another young guy in three seasons.

21. Nany- Was middle of the pack in the swim, and saw another one of her biggest allies leave. With Laurel and Bananas not around to protect her anymore, it wouldn’t be a surprise if Nany is out next.

20. Leroy- Whenever Bananas is about to get sent home, it’s always telegraphed because we get confessionals by Leroy about how he doesn’t know how he’s going to survive without Johnny in the game. He has to be on the bottom of the totem pole of the US guys at this point, or at least on the same level as Josh.

19. Kam- Wasn’t really a factor in this episode at all and had a bad showing in the mission, finishing third-to-last among the girls.

18. Nicole- Showed for the first time she is not an abjectly terrible competitor, placing third for girls in the challenge and defeating Cara in her heat despite hesitating to jump.

17. Josh- Was almost picked to be the speaker of the tribunal again this week. How was he even an option after showing what a loose cannon he was the last time he had power? It showed how desperate Bananas was to not let Paulie be the speaker that he thought Josh would be a good candidate.

Josh also had a surprisingly good showing in the mission, placing fourth overall.

16. Ashley- She really didn’t do anything in this episode, but she placed fifth for girls in the swim and her side gained control of the US numbers.

15. Idris- Finished second-to-last among guys in the mission, but who really cares? The Subtitle King struck again, extending his streak to five episodes in a row.

THE KING REIGNS SUPREME.

Idris was also one of the swing votes of putting in Theo. We’ll see if he gets any backlash from that decision in the future.

14. Jenny- I knew Jenny was a good competitor, but it was extremely impressive to see her place first for the girls in the swim and beating all but five guys.

She’s still a non-entity as a character, but there’s a strong argument to be made she’s the best female competitor on this show. We still haven’t seen her to do much with endurance or puzzles, but if she is at least decent in those categories she will be among the all-time great female competitors in Challenge history.

13. Georgia- It was a fairly quiet episode for Georgia this week, but she finished second in the challenge and she continues to deliver in the confessional booth.

12. Kyle- How crazy is it that Paulie and Cara were both in the tribunal, AND KYLE WASN’T EVEN AN OPTION TO BE VOTED IN?

Let’s take a moment and reminisce on the good times. Paulie and Kyle going at it after Paulie’s second elimination in as many nights on Final Reckoning. Them getting into a fight on War of the Worlds during costume night when Kyle’s hair was in pigtails. Paulie and Cara sending Kyle in three times last season, with Kyle putting Paulie in once.

The days of one of the most contrived love triangles in Challenge history might actually be over.

This is what we call progress, my friends.

11. Dee- Her most notable role in this episode was getting a lap dance from Rogan. It’s nice to have a stripper on this show not named Aneesa.

10. Bear- We have seen a transformation from Bear this season that has been nothing short of remarkable.

He came into this season as Bear — nothing more, nothing less. But as time has progressed, he has evolved into something much greater. When he heroically eliminated his nemesis Wes, he transformed into something different. A sublime creature—a sparkling, golden Grizzly Bear.

And after existing in that form for one episode, he evolved once again. As he gracefully zip-lined across the Thai sky this week, he became Spider Bear.

What is next for our hero? If there is a challenge in the cold, could he become Polar Bear? If he dines at Panda Express, will he turn into Panda Bear? Hopefully he doesn’t follow his friend Georgia’s lead and become Black Bear (too soon?).

The possibilities are endless for Stephen Grizzly Spider Bear.

9. Bananas- The last couple of seasons, Johnny has had an uphill battle coming in, having enemies like the Young Bucks, the Lavender Ladies and Wes coming after him.

This season, Bananas did himself in.

There was no reason for him to make as many waves as he did so early in the game, but throwing the mission last episode was arguably the worst political move he’s made in his career.

He didn’t ensure that he had the numbers on the UK side to have Cara thrown in, and then Laurel going out completely tilted the numbers to Para’s side.

Also, I have no idea what he was thinking agreeing to let Paulie be the speaker of the tribunal. He should have pushed for a neutral option — someone like Turbo, who would have voted based on competition rather than politics, which would have worked out in Johnny’s favor given his impressive third-place finish in the mission.

Losing to a competitor as good as Theo is obviously nothing for Johnny to be embarrassed about, but Die For Me was tailor-made for him and a mental mistake cost him the win.

Bananas just shot himself in the foot repeatedly this season, and it was an overall sloppy showing from the six-time champ.

8. CT- The first signs of cracks in CT’s standing on the UK team appeared when Theo threw out CT’s name to the tribunal. CT handled Theo well, telling him that his biggest problem is his mouth, but it at least shows that some people on his team don’t just view him as a figurehead, and they probably don’t want to run a final with him.

CT had to make a stand again this week, as he was one of the swing votes in the 7–6 vote for Theo. It’s a very questionable decision for CT going to Rogan’s side instead of Theo’s. CT has at least been shown to have relationships with Kyle, Bear and Georgia, so I would have figured he would have aligned with them.

But maybe he feels that he could have more influence among the Rogan side because they have more controllable people he can control. Either way, it was an interesting decision and I hope it works out for him.

Also, CT and Bananas commentating the Kam vs. Esther heat was classic. And why does CT talk in his confessionals like his nose is broken?

7–6. Jori- They proved they are two of the best competitors on the US team, as Jordan placed first overall in the mission while Tori finished tied for third among the girls.

And while Jordan got into the tribunal for the second time, Jori saw their power in the game continue to slip with Bananas going home. Jordan was completely blindsided that Cara and Paulie were going to vote for Johnny, and now Para appears to have the numbers on their side.

5. Zach- He absolutely crushed it in one-liners this week. Some of my favorites:

“Josh is literally the child of two angry divorced parents.”

“Ninja is either throwing this challenge so that we lose on a guys day, or she’s out there having a stroke.”

“Ninja swims like a piece of driftwood.”

“When you have a name like Turbo but swim like a paddle boat, it’s not a good look.”

Yeah he could have been nicer to Ninja, but the girl had it coming.

4. Rogan- It’s unbelievable that the guy who didn’t make it past the first episode of Vendettas is running Team UK right now, but here we are. The numbers officially swung to Rogan’s side this episode when Theo was sent in instead of him.

I don’t think the numbers are necessarily permanently on his side, as CT is probably a wild card, but it’s amazing that guys like Bear and Theo have been into elimination already while Rogan has skated by, without really proving much as a competitor yet (although defeating Turbo was a nice feat for him, he still finished behind everyone else other than CT, Theo and Idris, and possibly Bear and Leroy since we don’t know their times).

Rogan now ranks third in my season standings among active players, and it’s clear that he’s been one of the stars of this season.

3. Theo- This was a very up and down episode for Theo. He didn’t handle himself well in the tribunal, kicking things off with a “seven-minute monologue” according to Jordan. I thought he had a great social game on War of the Worlds, but it’s clear that he has a problem with mouthing off.

Still, he was able to take out Bananas in an elimination that didn’t favor him at all, given he’s eight feet tall and had to stuff himself into a cage made for prisoners of war.

2–1. Para- As much as I don’t like Paulie and the current version of Cara, there’s no denying this was a huge week for them.

Paulie was able to finagle himself into the tribunal speaker role, somehow getting Bananas to trust him enough that he wouldn’t throw him in.

Paulie and Cara both had strong showings in the mission (more so Paulie), as he finished second overall while Cara placed sixth among the girls.

Cara put on the best acting performance since Sylvia on Final Reckoning, fake crying to Josh about all the hardships that Bananas has put her through in the past.

Ultimately, while throwing in Bananas might put a target on Para’s back (it probably alienated Leroy, Nany, Jordan, Tori and Josh), it was in my opinion the correct move for them.

Team US was basically a war between Johnny and Para, and getting Johnny off the team should make the US a more cohesive unit.

Stray Thoughts

As fun as these last three episodes have been, I’m a bit worried for the season with Wes, Laurel and Johnny gone. I trust those three to carry a season more than I do from people like Paulie, Rogan, Dee, Josh, etc.

Here’s a crazy stat: this is the first time since Battle of the Seasons (2012) that we don’t have Johnny or Wes on a season after five episodes.

It’s crazy how Team US has won 4/5 missions, but have lost a player in 3/5 eliminations. At a certain point, the US is going to have to start working with each other instead of against each other.

The last three episodes have almost been like the post-merge of a Survivor season, where the power shifts hands several times and the top dogs get picked off fast. Wes got blindsided and the power shifted to Bananas and Laurel. Now they’re gone, and Paulie and Cara look to be running the show. It’ll be interesting to see if they stay in power, or if someone looks to knock them off their throne.

I was happy to see the Hook’d mission allowed to see the competitors perform as individuals for the first time. But I don’t really understand why the times didn’t determine who was in the tribunal. It would have made more sense for the top two US guys (Jordan and Paulie) and the top girl (Tori) to be in the tribunal. The episode would have been dramatically different if that had happened.

The Die for Me elimination was almost a cross between Die Hard from Cutthroat and the Caged and Confused mission from Invasion. Personally I think Die Hard is the best of those three eliminations/missions, but it was fun to see a big guy like Theo have to put himself in that tiny cage.

Episode Grade: B+

Season Standings

32. S̵e̵a̵n̵ (1)

31–30. F̵a̵i̵t̵h̵ ̵a̵n̵d̵ ̵Z̵a̵h̵i̵d̵a̵ (6)

29. B̵i̵g̵ ̵T̵ (32)

28. Nicole (42)

27. Esther (43)

26. Kayleigh (49)

25. Joss (60)

24. Ninja (62)

23. Jenny (63)

22. Nany (65)

21. Kam (70)

20–19. Leroy and Turbo (74)

18. W̵e̵s̵ (76)

17–16. Theo and Idris (84)

15–14. Zach and Tori (94)

13. Cara (95)

12–11. Josh and L̶a̶u̶r̶e̶l̶ (97)

10. Paulie (98)

9. Ashley (106)

8. Jordan (114)

7. Kyle (117)

6. Dee (120)

5. Georgia (121)

4. Rogan (122)

3–2. CT and B̶a̶n̶a̶n̶a̶s̶ (131)