Lisa Simpson

"If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room."

—Bart Gets Famous (Season 5, Episode 12), after the whole cast recite their catchphrases.

[Lisa is maybe the best character on The Simpsons, partly because she almost doesn't want to take part]

Bart Simpson

"I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda."

—Bart Sells His Soul (Season 7, Episode 4), after Lisa quotes Pablo Neruda to him.

[Bart is the most catchphrase-y character but makes me laugh the most when he's being dry]

Grandpa Simpson

"I can't wait to eat that monkey."

—Girly Edition (Season 9, Episode 21), after meeting his new helper monkey Mojo.

[I also considered the line about being "with it" from Homerpalooza, but that's just a brilliant piece of writing, less character-specific]

Charles Montgomery Burns

"Have the Rolling Stones killed."

—Rosebud (Season 5, Episode 4), after being given a profane birthday concert by The Ramones.

[impossible to choose, but there's something so perfect about the combination of casual evil and cultural unawareness here]

Waylon Smithers

"Uh, no, they're saying, 'Boo-urns! Boo-urns!'"

—A Star is Burns (Season 6, Episode 18), reassuring his boss of his popularity.

[his best line, but it's rarely attributed to him]

Seymour Skinner

"Attention, students, this is Principal Skinner, your principal, with a message from the principal's office. Report immediately for an assembly in the Butthead Memorial Auditorium. Damn it, I wish we hadn't let the students name that one."

—Lisa on Ice (Season 6, Episode 8), making a school announcement.

[but he did, so he'll follow the rules about it]

Agnes Skinner

"Oh my name's Agnes, and you know it's Agnes! It means lamb! Lamb of God!"

—The Twisted World of Marge Simpson (Season 8, Episode 11), when Marge forgets her name

[very close between this and, from the same episode,"Gimbels is gone, Marge…LONG gone. You're Gimbels!"]

Krusty the Clown

"Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!"

—Grade School Confidential (Season 8, Episode 19), after Maude spells out the words "sex" and "children."

[my favorite character. I could fill an article with his lines]

Sideshow Bob

"Oh, cousin Merl, really!"

—Brother From Another Series (Season 8, Episode 16), after his construction site co-worker says his dead smellhound has "gone to heaven."

[we should build whole cities in tribute to the way Kelsey Grammer delivers this line]

Sideshow Mel

"Everyone's always kissing your ass. Well I'm not afraid to tell you, you're a- [BLEEP]"

—I Love Lisa (Season 4, Episode 15), drunk on "wowie juice" in a never-before-seen Krusty the Clown clip

[Sideshow Mel is very funny but just because he's so serious]

Patty Bouvier

"There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality."

—Treehouse of Horror III (Season 4, Episode 5), spoken as Homer runs by naked.

[it would only take her twelve more years to address this publicly!]