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When Washington State hired Hawaii’s Nick Rolovich to replace Mike Leach, that brought us up to — among many other things — five FBS teams changing head coaches in one cycle because an Ole Miss Rebel celebrated Thanksgiving by pretending to pee like a puppy dog on Mississippi State’s turf.

The consequences from 2019’s Egg Bowl thus streamed from Honolulu, Hawaii to Boca Raton, Florida and beyond, unlike the football player’s pretend dog pee, which did not actually stream at all.

But that’s nowhere near the extent of the faux-urine damage.

Yep, there were plenty of other fallout as well. Let’s dig through all of it, as if we are also pretending to be puppy dogs.

First, the visual. Stare at history. Collect every detail.

Nike paid money to be represented here. “Rebs” indeed! Look at the “150” patch. This is among the crowning moments of college football’s Big History season. When those New Jersey Civil War veterans were playing mean soccer against each other several lifetimes ago, did they ever dream their creation would lead to a moment this grand? There’s no chance.

Because Elijah Moore pretended to pee on Mississippi State’s field, officials flagged Ole Miss, leading to a different kind of miss: a missed extra point that decided the Egg Bowl in MSU’s favor.

Ole Miss ended 4-8, instead of 5-7, which would’ve meant a remote chance at one of those NCAA APR bowl bids.

Ole Miss fired head coach Matt Luke.

Several Ole Miss recruits decommitted the day after Luke’s firing, with Auburn, Colorado State, Minnesota, and Tennessee each gaining a signee.

Luke next appeared on Georgia’s sideline, having been hired as offensive line coach. If Moore hadn’t pretended to go pee pee, Georgia wouldn’t have had quick access to a former longtime OL coach such as Luke, meaning they would’ve needed to replace Sam Pittman (Arkansas’ new head coach) with a secondary choice. (Yes, Georgia’s offensive personnel could somehow have even more problems than it already had IRL!)

No Luke at Georgia means the 2019 season’s Sugar Bowl does not give us this GIF:

Because a Rebel lived up to his team’s name (and pretended to pee), Mississippi State reached 6-6 and did make a bowl.

MSU paid head coach Joe Moorhead a contracted $75,000 bonus for his team’s selection to the Music City Bowl.

Due to MSU becoming bowl eligible, the SEC received a Music City payout of roughly $2.75 million.

Bowl money goes into a conference pool and then gets split between member schools, meaning Ole Miss made [lots of napkin math] six figures in bowl money because Mississippi State became bowl eligible thanks to an Ole Miss player pretending to pee on Mississippi State’s field.

Adding Mississippi State to the SEC’s bowl teams helped give us Selection Sunday shenanigans.

Remember how the Music City Bowl was gonna be Tennessee-Louisville, but then the Vols really wanted the Gator Bowl, so everything had to keep moving around at the last minute?

If an Ole Miss guy hadn’t pretended to pee in November, then December 8’s bowl selection business would’ve concluded without a hitch.

Kentucky and/or Texas A&M could’ve gone to different bowl(s),

And bowl matchup changes would’ve continued ...

... until 6-6 Toledo actually got a bowl bid somewhere. Because a Mississippi man fake peed, the Rockets missed bowl season for the first time since 2013.

By finishing 6-6, Mississippi State counted as a Quality Win for LSU.

Know how the Playoff committee sometimes refers to “wins against .500+ teams?” Well, if an Ole Miss Reb hadn’t gone fake potty, LSU would’ve had eight wins against .500+ teams, not nine. Ohio State would’ve had one more .500+ win than LSU.

sometimes refers to “wins against .500+ teams?” Well, if an Ole Miss Reb hadn’t gone fake potty, LSU would’ve had eight wins against .500+ teams, not nine. Ohio State would’ve had one more .500+ win than LSU. I doubt the #1 seed all came down to that, but we know it was extremely close all season. There’s a faint chance that having more .500+ wins was the little résumé boost LSU needed in order to rank #1 ahead of Ohio State.

Perhaps Ohio State had to play a healthy Clemson instead of a depleted Oklahoma because a man in Mississippi pretended to pee. Ohio State would’ve beaten Oklahoma, then perhaps won a title game against a banged-up winner of Clemson-LSU.

Perhaps a Mississippi pee man deprived Ohio State of a national title.

Perhaps the universe’s deep conspiracy against Ohio State is actually real.

Oh right, Ole Miss needed a new head coach.

Ole Miss made sure the fake pee’s fallout remained as loud as possible by hiring Lane Kiffin.

This meant FAU needed a new coach. FAU hired the likewise famous Willie Taggart, meaning every time we think of Kiffin or Taggart for the next few years, we’ll remember the 2019 Egg Bowl’s ending (which was a guy not peeing, but looking like he was).

Mississippi State had a bad time at its Music City Bowl, losing by 10 to Louisville and getting in fights with itself beforehand.

MSU fired Moorhead after that bad time, which wouldn’t have happened if Moore hadn’t mimed going to the bathroom, thus adding a roughly $7 million buyout on top of the $75,000 bowl bonus MSU also wouldn’t have paid Moorhead if the pee hadn’t not happened.

It’s January! We’re in a new decade now, one in which nobody has ever made a show of not relieving themselves at the Egg Bowl! Regardless, Mississippi State now needs a new head coach.

Like Ole Miss, MSU ensures the continued consequences of the fake pee resound as loudly as possible by hiring Mike Leach, the only coach noisier than Kiffin.

Washington State then needed a new head coach and hired Nick Rolovich from Hawaii.

Hawaii then needed a new head coach. They hired former Arizona State head coach Todd Graham, presumed to be retired, but actually director of football operations in an undersea land called Todd World.

Oh, all these new head coaches also hired assistants, usually away from other schools.

For example, Graham then hired Division II Azusa Pacific head coach Victor Santa Cruz to be Hawaii’s new defensive coordinator.

So dozens and dozens of humans changed jobs and relocated their families.

Because a ref penalized an Ole Miss guy for some physical comedy.

But MSU could’ve just fired Moorhead before the Music City Bowl, whether his team was in it (because a guy fake peed) or not.

We now have multiple timelines full of big pee ramifications.

Maybe Mississippi State, not Ole Miss, hires Kiffin first (especially plausible if Ole Miss doesn’t fire Luke due to pretend pee).

Or maybe Arkansas jumps MSU and hires Kiffin instead of Pittman away from Georgia.

With some stability at O line coach, maybe Georgia’s bizarre offseason talent exodus is mitigated somewhat. Pittman did attempt to save starting lineman Cade Mays’ father’s severed finger, after all, but now Mays is transferring out. I have no way of knowing whether 2019 Egg Bowl events had any relevance here or not, but there’s a chance.

Folks, we can even take this thing into the NFL. That’s right, not even Roger Goodell’s Shield will protect His League from the results of a Mississippi man not actually peeing his pants on Thanksgiving.

If MSU fired Moorhead earlier, maybe newly hired Giants head coach Joe Judge (a former Bulldogs player and GA who also worked for Nick Saban) would’ve instead agreed weeks earlier to become MSU’s head coach . MSU head coach Judge would apparently have used a VERY different offense than MSU head coach Leach will. But now there’s a chance he hires fired MSU head coach Moorhead to his new Giants staff.

. MSU head coach Judge than MSU head coach Leach will. But now there’s a chance he hires fired MSU head coach Moorhead to his new Giants staff. So if the last year’s Egg Bowl had not included invisible pee taunts, perhaps the next year’s New York Giants would still be looking for a head coach as of this publication..

(Or perhaps the Giants, knowing Judge was long off the table, could’ve swung harder at Matt Rhule, meaning the Carolina Panthers might need a different coach. Either way, an NFL job changes because of the pretend pee that went down on that Mississippi Thanksgiving.)

Meanwhile, no Mississippi State, Washington State, or Hawaii players who signed in December’s Signing Days get immediate transfers elsewhere, despite their schools changing coaching staffs weeks later, because not even the power of a fake dog pee can change the horrendously lopsided power balance of college athletics.

It gets even crazier: this whole thing is a false-flag media sideshow hologram meant to distract you from something or other. None of this is as it seems.

Let’s go to the conspiracy experts at Mississippi State information-warfare analysis syndicate Six Pack Speak, where methlord Walter White asks:

The Narrative of the Elijah Moore Pee Butterfly Effect So many people continually like to espouse the series of events from the 2019 Egg Bowl. And that Moore’s stunt led to the Rebel’s losing but also to Moorhead being fired and now Leach’s hire. Huh? If Moore had not fake peed Rebels likely would have won and Moorhead fired the next day (and Billy Napier as the HC?). His stunt saved Moorhead’s job (thanks Mark). But why do so many people (many of them Rebs) like to say Moore changed the direction of both SEC schools in Miss?

And receives an answer from OliveBranchDAWG that chilled me to someone else’s core:

It’s the OM media (Godfrey) trying to deflect from the embarrassment of what actually happened on the field and turn it into a positive for them.

As the maintainer of the world’s only 2019 Egg Bowl Trickle-Down Ramifications Tracker, at first I objected to the idea that only Ole Miss alumni such as Steven Godfrey enjoy tracing out the impacts of Moore’s pee spoof. But then I began to wonder about identity and reality. That fake-damp night in Starkville has changed so much about the world. Who’s to say it hasn’t .......... changed all of us as well?

For more discussion on CLANGA LEACH and so forth, listen to a special edition of Podcast Ain’t Played Nobody.