(Public entry, as a heads up.)



I keep meaning to post about this. There are major spoilers for the last episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, although that's not the primary focus of this entry. Mostly it's about internet culture and how it deals with crises, personal problems, and grief.





In the last episode of the CW show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, the main character Rebecca is recovering from a suicide attempt and coming to terms with her mental health issues. (Yeah, the show gets real.) One of her friends, Valencia, has taken it upon herself to post about Rebecca's progress on social media, calling Rebecca an inspiration for everyone. She says that the issue has transcended just Rebecca - it's about a whole movement. Valencia sings about this in her song "This is My Movement", a pastiche of Fight Song that is also about poop.







Some fans' reactions were that Valencia was making it all about her. But I came away with a very different reaction: this Fight Song/constipation metaphor isn't just Valencia using a friend's tough time to "inspire an entire movement." It's pretty much what the internet does. Mindfulness memes encourage the belief that positive thinking brings on good things. Friends and family members start groups in support of someone who needs it. People post on friends' walls: "Mary, I heard about Tara's death. SO SORRY!" (Which may not be appreciated if Mary hasn't told everyone yet...)People also tend to be open about personal pain and suffering. I've been amazed at how many people will evenshare - for all the world to see - that they were recently diagnosed with an terminal illness, or a family member. Or they'll post and share memes about it being the first holiday without a loved one. I personally do not relate to this; although the past few years haven't been the best, and I've dealt with my share of problems, social media is the last place I want to broadcast it. I want to post what Hogwarts House I'm in (Hufflepuff), and that's it.In this scenario, I'm more like Heather (for non-CXG fans, she's the one telling Valencia she's full of crap - that particular line is nothing I'd ever say, I'm a more... tactful person than Heather, but the "keep calm" reaction is). When the episode begins, Heather comments that she would've just sent everyone an email, as opposed to posting about it online. Heather's approach is not to ignore the problem, but to take it day by day and neither freak out nor loudly point out every silver lining. She even finds Valencia's behavior a little gross (and it does become a bit obnoxious).However, at the end of the episode we learn that's how Valencia needed to respond. She wanted to focus on the positive because deep down, she was sick with worry that she might lose one of the closest friends she'd ever had. And I think that's true of many people who post online to a large audience. I have friends who were in the past, and are in the present, very open about their problems. There's nothing wrong with that, so we're clear. It's just a difference in social media usage and coping mechanisms.Besides, even all of us Heathers in the crowd appreciate updates. Sometimes updates - both from the person as well as their loved ones when they're unable to update themselves - are the only way we have of knowing what's going on; I've been there. But there's a difference between updates on a wall and a constant stream of viral postsIt can become problematic. Sometimes, it's not information that was meant to be disclosed. Apparently Rebecca didn't mind everyone she knowing (including her coworkers and a random group in Venezuela), but in real life everyone has their own ways of handling things. Also, sometimes information is disclosed that shouldn't be. When a friend of mine died, his wife had to beg people to stop posting to Facebook, because that's exactly what happened: At least fifty people must have posted to my friend's wall saying "RIP" and "(wife's name) I'm so sorry." That's how I found out my friend died. He wouldn't have wanted that. His wife definitely didn't want that, and her time grieving was disrupted by having to tell well-meaning people to let her break the bad news. Meanwhile, just the other day, a friend of another friend posted on her wall saying she'd heard about bad news, which was specified in the post. The intentions were good in both cases - like Valencia, people just didn't know what else to do. Because another hard part of grief or worry is waiting to know when to act. No one likes the wait, but sometimes it's necessary.Other times, people won't post about a particular person, but a group, not realizing they're actually being patronizing toward the people they're "defending." You see this a lot when it comes to disabilities; memes beg you to pray for "disabled angels." Nobody wants you to pray for them or call them angels. That's gross. Yet whenever you tell people it's patronizing and offensive, you're often told by the same people crying prayerful tears to Jesus that you're a cynical bitch who needs to STFU. Righty then.In any case, think the episode really spotlights how people use social media in the face of bad times - both the pros and cons. Sometimes it gets out of hand, spilling into methods and means that aren't necessarily in anyone's best interests. However, online emoting has also helped a lot of people cope. You can never go wrong with that - if all parties affected are okay with it, and if it's what you really need.