Me and my son Bumble the snowman loaded the yurts on the roof of the Elantra, loaded it up and made what looks like will be a yearly pilgrimage to Black Rock City, and it was amazing. We have a 2800 mile trip each way that we drove straight through last year, and this year was no different. We left Friday afternoon and took exit 46 at around noon on Sunday. Entry was amazingly easy this year as opposed to last year, and we made it to 340 and J at about 6. This was Bumble the Snowman’s third year camped in the same spot, and my second.

We had an incredible time, and met just shitloads of great people. We were going to meet, well, I’ll call them Partyhard and Wanglord. They live in NYC and this would be their first burn. They got tickets in the OMG sale and worrying about their preparation had me nearly suffering anxiety attacks. I’ve known Wanglord since he was a little kid, and he’s not really a camper. That, and the stress from overall preparation was not a lot of fun, and I didn’t really relax until Indiana.

On the way, we listened to Homelands by Corey Doctorow, read by Wil Wheaton. It starts at Burning Man, and is great as read by Wheaton. Bumble tweeted our thanks to him, and he actually answered and asked us to say hi to some friends. He’s a burner, and it’s a great story, it’s creepily accurate given all the information that’s come out in the last couple years, written before we had a clue. Well done sir, and the reading by Wheaton is hilarious at times.

So, we really want to be there. Given my perspective, here’s my thought about celebrities, RVs and turnkey camps, and really the tourists that camped behind us for two nights and left early Sunday: Great! What is it you bring to town? If you’re here to participate, learn the culture, join in and be a city, then by all means, welcome home. If you’re just here to walk around, look at things and not even try to participate, then fuck right off. I don’t care if you’re famous or not.a tourist, then fuck you. If that’s just where you sleep and shower before running off to volunteer, or otherwise really interact, then more power to you, wish I was you.

And Skrillex was there? Missed it, but caught BootieBRC at Spanky’s Wine Bar and got to see Adrian’s crew spin live for a while. There were many pretty gay men there that night. I think I had a better time. Now if you saw both, then I’m jealous.

I read the article on Guardian, and that guy would probably have been cool to run into. Not because I agree with his politics, but because he took the time to try to understand the culture, and really brought some kickass gifts. I saw Will Smith’s selfie, and it looked like just another dick on a Segway, probably without adequate lighting.

We brought a few extra lights last year, and brought a shit ton of them this year. We had a 3.5 Million candlepower spotlight that we charged from batteries on site, and were going to flash the light to identify the darkwad and give them a flashy ring, light bracelet or some fresh glow bracelets. The thing was, once charged this thing was really bright, so flashing it at their feet was the only way to catch their attention without burning out their retinas.

We also had helped out Hardly Camp with Tasty Eye, their art car, and so had scored a guest bartender gig Tuesday night from 12-3. We were really looking forward to that, and we were not disappointed. Hardly was awesome to us, it would be hard to thank them enough. Thanks in particular to Glitter Pussy and Fulano.

Also, I don’t do drugs because of my job, and I’m in a monogamous marriage, so some of the attractions aren’t for me. Some of you should be much more careful who you talk to.

Given that background, here’s what I liked and didn’t like about the burn.

Pros:

Making a road trip with my 24 year old son and going to Burning Man with him. Bartending with him at the Hardly Saloon Tuesday night. We met so many incredible people. We both drank FAR too much. I had about 5 times my limit. I think that was the drunkest I’ve ever been. The people in our neighborhood. Thanks Pan, Anchor, Nico, Jessica (that banana bread was something) for being wonderful neighbors. Thanks for showing me your solar setup, it was really helpful. Two members of the DC conclave in front of us getting engaged just as the man started to burn. We were lucky enough that the virgins in our neighborhood were ready to do the fucking thing. No complaints. The camp across the way had like 18 virgins that had been meeting twice a week for a year, and had set up their camp in a local park to get ready. They had too much energy. Erin from their camp came over on Sunday, she was a lot of fun to talk to. Getting to meet the Hawaii regional coordinators at a random party in deep playa Thursday night. Their button was awesome, and I will treasure my asshole merit badge. That’s one that Bumble the Snowman didn’t earn when he got Eagle. Cursor the ranger, night of the burn. Thank you for the friendship bracelets! Talking to Neon Squid late Tuesday night. He had a lot of great suggestions, and in at least his second decade of burning, he should know. The great lady that stopped by and told us about slitting the tarps for the yurts to drain. The guys a couple doors down that gave us water when we ran short and sick of melting ice. They actually had way too much water. Seeing Bumble the Snowman spotlight the nosy Sheriff in a red truck that was shining a flashlight on camps as he drove down the street Thursday night. That’s what you get, dick. Noticed you didn’t stop to talk after being blinded. We laughed for an hour. Seeing the art, the Souk, and the Man burn.

Cons:

Missing Temple burn because we mistimed our pack time. Part of this was the amount of shit lying around the camp on Sunday. Not MOOP, or light enough to blow away, but camp crap. We need to do better next year. It sucked to be there and miss it, but as it turned out, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my dad yet, so I guess it worked out OK. All the fucking darkwads. Really people, it’s not that hard to light yourself, or take a fucking light when it’s offered to you. It was amazing how many people refused them or wouldn’t even talk to us. Headlamps kind of suck as lighting. So does tilting your bike headlight up. Alternating getting blinded and dodging darkwads was pretty tough at times. Almost didn’t once. He’ll have a scar, but at least I didn’t full on hit him. And no dude, I didn’t say I was sorry. I wasn’t. We both were pretty lucky, and you didn’t even seem to realize that. The creepy motherfucker taking surreptitious photos of topless girls in Center Camp. Reported him like a good citizen, but you dick, you’re lucky I didn’t have my camera or I’d post your pic and let the internet deal with you. Recovering Wednesday from bartending at Hardly. Really really drank too much. Still drunk at noon drank too much. May not drink until next year drank too much. The rain. Water in the yurts. Camping with virgins who came fairly equipped, but clueless about camping, securing their shit, or the importance of gray water collection. Them putting raw hot dogs in the cooler water. I’m looking at you Wanglord! The assholes behind us that showed up Thursday night with a trailer and unboxed generator. Really didn’t want to get up that early dude, and you were close enough to wake me through my earplugs. Whoever it was that dumped a bucket of gray water in our tiny evap bin. Woke up Thursday morning with twice as much as had been in there the night before. Ended up carting nearly 5 gallons out. Overloading the Hyundai and not wanting to carry water in, and melting ice. Would have been great with just snowman, but the virgins wanted regular showers. Well, one of them did. The amount of MOOP we picked up during the wind. I hope that my neighbors didn’t get too much from us. Again, I think our virgins were to blame. Read a fucking book about camping guys. Packing too much food, not enough other stuff. The popup we took did not survive the wind, we’ll have to do better next year. Not patching my air mattress so I slept like shit. The folks on both sides of us at the Man were kind of a serious drag. The woman opened up the conversation with how hard it was to get around and how different this was than Coachella, and then wouldn’t stop hitting on me. The other side was what appeared to be 4 assholes who thought they paid to see a show, and were vocal about it. They started by complaining when the conclaves started assembling, and complained about the conclave videographer, the rangers, the time it took the man to fall. Loudly. It was difficult. On the other hand, we sitting on the lights that mark the circle, so we couldn’t have been any closer.

I really had a great time. I’m already making plans for next year. I’m just not really a people person. But I’m trying.