As Valentine's Day approaches, thoughts turn naturally to gifts, much to the glee of the world's diamond merchants. Yet those maudiln mall-store mavens really don't think big enough. Why give someone a trinket or a tassel with just a couple of crystals when you can fulfill their fantasies with a diamond-studded car — even if it is just a Ford Escape?

What you see here is a special customization package dreamed up by Jennings Ford in northeast England, and applied to the SUV known there as the Kuga. For 1 million British pounds (or $1.5 million), Jennings will hand-apply a special coating of more than 1 million diamonds and Svarvoski crystals to your choice of Ford family hauler. Being a car dealer, of course there's a pay-over-time option, where you just plunk down $152,000 up front and then make low monthly payments of $33,494 — for five years.

"Who says Fords aren't glamorous?" says the dealer in his online pitch. "Bringing more glitz to the North East has always been an ambition of mine, and with this ultra-glamorous optional extra, now I can."

Diamond coated Ford Escape

Whether the Escape takes to the bling ring better than a 2011 Mercedes CLS will be an aesthetic debate worthy of the ages, but let's do some comparison shopping first. The new Mercedes-Maybach starts at $190,000, and you can get most options for under a quarter-million. Today, $300,000 will buy you a low-mileage, nicely kept 2005 Ford GT (not the original Ford GT40; those are multimillion-dollar cars now) and chances are if you wait a year, a new Ford GT will cost around that much. Heck, for this money, you could outfit your softball team with Dodge Charger SRT Hellcats — and have cash left over to rent Wrigley Field.

We no longer believe automakers when they claim a Nürburgring time without accompanying video, and that's probably the correct approach to apply here; I doubt that even the most desperate dealer would transform a $30,000 SUV they can sell into a $1.5 million one they can't. Until we see footage of an actual crystal-coated Escape on the road, let's consider this a Valentine fantasy rather than real love.