Technology has had an tremendous effect on every aspect of our lives; so much so that it feels as though a solid 25% of what I read online is prefaced or at some point qualified by that twelve worded pre-semi-colon mantra, though please do read on: post-semi-colon I can be rather unique and idiosyncratic in prose if nothing else, though I warn you the majority of this post will be post colon, here's another if you missed it: moving on!

What I'd like to focus on today is a subject of such plentiful resource that frankly before my finger-tips have tik-taked to the topic my palate pleads to preferably be planed a plain plane (or perhaps a meadow) than place any prefactory platitudes in possible pupils- fuck this, their brain. So ol' Doug's decided to put aside his ailing alliteration addiction and shoot straight with ya'll.

Have I even mentioned the topic yet? It's dating. In this context just think it synonomous with sex, relationships, hook-ups ee te ce. I've decided to take a different approach than a list of banal platitudes (if you've read this far, I don't mean to be cruel, nor do I care if I am, but no you absolutely should not 1. Believe In Yourself nor should you 2. Just Do It because you'll just fuck it up again and 3. Actually Yes, Most People Are Actively Aware Of You In Public And Most Certainly Are Judging You, Consciously Or Not.) and rather relate some real-life scenarios, hopefully offering some practical solutions, or even just considerations for you to ponder as you walk this earth, shoulders slumped, avoiding eye-contact with life (admittedly a bitch [eyes aint that great either {does anybody think those lashes are real lol?}]).

Tinder/Initiating

This is the hardest part for most people, most likely because it's hard. Tinder makes this worse in my opinion, because the initial message will unavoidably have the undertone "based on your photographs it would be agreeable to me if we fucked". It's an awkward context and naturally the majority of people act awkwardly within it. This results in women having an endless scroll of

"hey"

"hey"

"hey what's up"

"hows it goin"

picture of cock

"sup"

"hey!" (<- guaranteed this guy wears non-perscription frames)

"hi"

"hi"

"hey"

"hi"

picture of a cock bud off got bing because his kinda sucks etc

in their inbox, and those guys feeling like they never really get a chance cause they never really get a response.

So! What I do is essentially what I do with everything: disregard all social norms in favor of entertaining myself. I basically treat it like a creative writing exercise if the prompt was "You are pathologically self-absorbed and enjoy overcompensating for lack of traditional social skills." Some examples:

I regularly act like that and still have sex sometimes so what the fuck was I trying to say here

Ah! Better to risk being weird than invisible.

Anyway, Duke Romeo, the regular writer of this column will be back next week to dish out that tough love (Read: a malignant narcissist preys upon the vulnerable viciously deconstructing any sense of self-worth they may of had in a desperate attempt to distract his consciousness from his own crippling insecurities).

Cya