Sexual liberation is a term we do not hear inside of church, rather we are subject to listen to sermons about how immoral we are for doing what humans do, have sex. Women and femmes are especially subject to this oppressive rhetoric for a plethora of reasons that center rape culture, queerphobia, purity culture, and god help us if we decide to take agency of our own bodies.

I spoke with Jameelah Jones to get down to the heart of these issues in church culture.

Purity Culture: So let’s start off here, the bible describes sexual immorality as anything sexual that is not sexually pure. Immoral means “wicked” or “evil” — but if sex is (biblically described as) good and not used to harm your partner then it is not sexually immoral. The church has a real issue in how it deals with sexual immorality as it pertains to its toxic purity culture. How can the church do a better job in how we frame conversations about sex, particularly for women and femmes?

This is a great question. I think it will have to start with the way church culture views the body. I use church culture instead of “the church” because as someone who didn’t “grow up” in church, I know that aspects of church culture have cemented themselves into mainstream society. For example, you don’t have to go to church to be impacted by abstinence only sex education in schools, which in many cases, claims to have a Christian basis. Anyway, church culture has to start with the assumption that the human body is an inherently good thing. I think church culture views the body as something to be contained and controlled before it can be “good”. This view, mixed with racism, sexism, classism, and simple human imperfection, is damaging to women — Black, queer, and trans women in particular.

Virginity: Does it exist and why does the topic of “virginity” center women before men? I.E women are heavily demonized if they lose their virginity before marriage, women are deemed invaluable if they are not sexually pure for marriage. Many women internalize this idea.

For the question of whether or not virginity exists, I have to defer to my friend Brandi’s piece here- she does an incredible job breaking it down: http://thesaltcollective.org/evangelicals-social-construction-virginity/

Now, church culture makes some HUGE assumptions about women that need to be debunked ON SIGHT ALL THE TIME: 1) not all women are cisgender 2) not all women are interested in companionship with men 3) not all women desire marriage.

Because of these assumptions, church culture can do some real damage. We assign value to bodies based on their level of perceived purity (I use perceived for a reason, cause to listen to patriarchy, you can look at someone and tell how many “bodies” they have. *rolls eyes*) Women are heavily demonized because our worth is attached to our sexuality, or lack of it. We assign the “reward” of marriage to everyone, regardless of their actual desires. So people who do not fit the mold of a cisgender woman deeply desiring to be a cisgender man’s wife are deemed immoral or ignored altogether. Also, because the burden exists primarily on women to prove themselves worthy of marriage, church culture absolves cis men of almost all responsibility for their behavior- when you are seen as the “prize” for a woman’s obedience to God, its hard to convince men that they have any (un)learning to do.

“The concept of sexual purity leaves very little room for exploration, because of its rigid views of what is and isn’t acceptable for women to do.”

Sexual Exploration: The Bible chooses to use the most iconic *promiscuous* figure as Jezebel. She was considered evil for being sexually immoral. Black women are over sexualized and often stamped with this name. Why Jezebel over a David or King Solomon (who had many wives)? Why are women not afforded the same grace and space to explore their sexuality?

You know…I think people regurgitate ideas without understanding that they come from actual histories of marginalization. I’d love to know more about the depth of women’s oppression in biblical times, and how that now effects how women are expected to present their bodies in order to be deemed “godly”. The concept of sexual purity leaves very little room for exploration, because of its rigid views of what is and isn’t acceptable for women to do. These unwritten rules, of course, become much less rigid for folks privileged in race, gender, gender expression, and sexual identity. Women aren’t afforded grace to explore their sexuality because our sexuality is not supposed to exist except for the pleasure of men. Therefore, our sexuality doesn’t belong to us- so we don’t have the agency to explore it.

Empowerment: What would be your advice to young women/femmes who have grown up in the church and have been demonized for exploring or just being human by having sex by their own standards?

You are not going to hell. You are not what the church says you are. God does NOT love you a little less every time you have sex or think about that girl across the aisle. The people telling you to never explore your sexuality do not own your body. Your relationship with God is yours and yours alone. You might think God is a man- whether or not you want to keep that image of God is your choice. I want you to know that humans have placed our expectations of men onto who God is- God is not invested in anything that keeps women oppressed, and keeps you from being your true self. There is a way of worship, a way of Christianity, that invites your full self. Trust me, there’s another way.

Oh, and all the guys who say they want a woman like Ayesha Curry are lying. They are spending their Saturday nights doing the same things they tell you NOT to do on Sunday morning. There is so much more to a partner than one who wears suits and goes to church twice a month. You can demand more. Live your life. A partner, if you want one, will come.

Be safe. Pregnancies, STI’s, and hurt feelings are real. ALSO, NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE PUNISHMENTS FOR LIVING A LIFE “OUTSIDE OF CHRIST”. God is not vengeful the way a lot of humans are.

If you’re queer, you are made in the image of a loving God. You are not “sinful”, and ANYONE who says so is more in need of the gospel than you are. Anyone who “loves you in spite of your sin” is not worthy of your love in return. You do not have to move to the back of the freedom line. You do not have to be patient until people “come around”. It is not your job to wait until people “learn” to love you. There are people who already know how. You have community.

You are inherently good.

We know you feel a little more liberated after reading Jameelah’s sage words on sexuality and how churches deal with it. Make it your duty to follow her on Twitter and drop some coins into her Paypal.