And it was no Alec Baldwin.

Trump on the phone with (faux)-Putin on a secure line [presumably]

Either the bright ‘TRUMP’ sign didn’t make it obvious, or there’s a demographic in Russia that put a hard stop to news consumption on Nov 7, but a boisterous orange-tinted man found it necessary to explain that I am Donald Trump, the president-elect of the United States of America.

He is met with applause that is as enthusiastic as it is pre-recorded. Just as the man begins to explain that he arrived as part of a surprise visit, he is interrupted by a phone call.

‘Ah, Mr. Putin, very happy to hear from you. Was just about to ring you myself’, stammers Yuriy Stoyanov, Trump impersonator and renown state-approved comedian.

Stoyanov, at 59, fat with the riches of state-sponsored entertainment (but also literally), cuts a familiar figure to viewers across Russia and the CIS. His trademark deadpan humor, however, is replaced by an overbearance typical of Trump impersonators. Until, that is, Putin calls.

Hearing the voice of the Russian president transforms Trump into a fawning fangirl and elicits from the audience squeals the likes of which would make Mariah Carey’s lip-synching machine jealous.

It’s a reference to, like, recent events and stuff.

Whereas the audience’s excitement for Trump could have well been for the actor as for the politician he was impersonating, there was no doubt here at whom the applause was directed.

Putin, cool as an industrial cooling system (perhaps not my best metaphor), compliments Trump on his fluency in Russian as well as his recent victory — unexpected as it was even to omnipotent Putin.

Trump’s response — ‘Thank you… oh my, what an incredible country’ — was perhaps the most verisimilar of the night. In front of Putin, he is exceedingly courteous, complimentary, apologetic even: a far cry from the beep-grabbing bully that Americans have come to know and, somehow, elect.

His populist tendencies got some cheap laughs, promising Russians that if they don’t have enough money, America will just… print more. Ha. Ha. Isn’t that what economics is all about? A few other gags, mostly, for some reason, at the expense of Bill Clinton (for almost becoming the First Lady; for having the gall to play the sax), fill out the rest of the skit.

Pictured: Trump, floating saxophone.

The humor, as you may have already gathered, was not exactly highbrow but the skit is very revealing of The Donald as seen through the Russian eye.

There was a very clear leader in the dialogue between the two men, and it was certainly not Trump. Trump, if this depiction is to be trusted, is perceived by Russians as a posturing Mussolini, high on demagogy and nocturnal tweets, low on sophistication and grasp of geopolitics.

In Putin’s court, Trump is the jester, a hopeless sycophant who can be maneuvered into place with a quick phone call. He trembles in the face of the mighty Russian, and his election was a well-executed if unexpected move on Putin’s eternal chessboard.

That’s what Russian TV makes it seem like anyways, and I hope they are wrong. The problem is — Trump doesn’t strike me as the Chess type.