ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

There is a mirror opposite Ben Tyler’s shower.

Each morning, the 32-year-old Gemini stands in that shower, with the warm water crashing into his supple body.

Just when he thinks he’s happy, when he feels that everything is in its place, he catches a glimpse of his tiny penis staring back at him.

“Man,” he thought to himself.

“I’ve got to do something about my tiny dick. I’m not getting any younger.”

Wrapped in his towel and sitting on the end of a single bed, Ben began googling motorbikes.

He visited one in Betoota Heights on Sunday, where he made a purchase.

The man who sold Ben his new motorbike is Darcy Pearson.

“He came in and asked for the loudest bike we had,” he said.

“Which is a pretty common request. Lots of young blokes come in here and want a really, really loud motorbike. It used to be the fastest motorbike, now the trend has seen the louder ones fly off the showroom floor,”

“Some even take the baffles out of the muffler, so they’re extra loud. Loud enough to physically pedestrians”

Ben met our reporter this morning at a Betoota Grove park. He could hear him well before he could see him.

At great speed, Ben tore up the road into the park. Taking no notice of the 10 kph speed limit signs.

The pace proved to be too great.

Ben left the road and collided with a road barrier, sending him sailing through the air and into the gravel on the other side.

Our reporter rushed over to the lifeless bone bag that was once Ben’s body and asked him he was ok.

“Mate, don’t move. I’m calling an ambulance,” he said.

“I’m OK, bro,” coughed Ben.

“Is my bike OK?”

More to come.