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Theresa May must wake up every morning just wishing she had to do a Novichok-laced Rubik's cube at gunpoint.

That would be easier, and more enjoyable, than untangling Brexit, watching her party destroy itself, and cutting the sort of deals with DUP wingnuts that, if you believe in an afterlife, would seriously imperil it being any fun.

On top of that she now has to deal with a foreign state assassinating people on British streets, unleashing chemical weapons, and tweeting threats of nuclear war. Pass the Strepsils, Chancellor.

But there is one bright, shining thing in her world, and that's Jeremy Corbyn. The Leader of Her Majesty's Opposition who can see all this chaos before him and still not use it to achieve the goal he has held all his adult life - that of a truly socialist Britain.

And it would be all too easy to use the poisoning of Sergei and Yulia Skripal, and 14 other suspected murders, to dethrone the woman who is arguably Britain's most benighted Prime Minister ever.

All he has to do is demand she do more about Russia. He doesn't even have to suggest a solution, just make her look as weak as she is. There is absolutely nothing she or anyone else can do to stop Putin's poisoners, and if that were laid out before the British public in the way it deserves her weeks left in office could be counted in single figures.

(Image: TASS)

Because we can't go to war with Russia. Their armed forces might all be conscripts, their warships limping old rustbuckets and their warplanes nowhere near as good as ours; but they've got more of them, and a recent history of wielding them with extreme prejudice in Ukraine, Syria, and Chechnya.

They've also got a few new war toys, and have been practicing with them on actual humans.

We cannot do anything to make Russia suffer financially. Whatever court orders we can get to seize or freeze assets, whatever sanctions are put in place, will hurt ordinary Russians and not those in power whose positions will simply be consolidated by public opinion turning in their favour. Any oligarch will just move his money or his home - and besides, Vladimir Putin is the richest man on the planet with an estimated $200bn in secret trusts, shares and holdings. He's beyond noticing what is, or is not, in his pocket.

And we cannot do anything diplomatically. We're in the process of leaving the European Union which would otherwise present a sizeable opposition to Russian aggression. The White House might in the past have organised international moves against Russia, but we can whistle for it while the current tenant is a Tangoed T-Rex who thinks Putin is his best friend.

(Image: Rex Features)

If Britain throws out the state news channel Russia Today, they'll throw out the BBC. If we deport their diplomats they'll just deport more of ours, and we'll lose a load of information and intelligence about what they're doing. We could and should boycott the World Cup if only to protect our fans, but Putin won't care.

In short, anything we do will be about as much use as a stern letter. It won't stop Putin killing again, it won't stop nerve agents being used repeatedly, and Britain is just going to have to wait for the 65-year-old president to pop his clogs and hope whoever comes next isn't worse.

The PM knows this. Her advisers know it. Go to any bus stop in Britain and pretty much every passenger will tell you the same. But Corbyn appears to think the best way to exploit the situtation is to point out the Tories take money from rich people.

Here's why that's stupid:

1) Everyone knew that already

2) Donations from individuals have to come from British citizens who are on the electoral roll

3) Any Russians living in the UK, registered to vote here and holding British citizenship, are by definition probably not fans of Putin's Russia

So what Corbyn is actually saying is that the Tories should return £820,000 of money from Putin's ENEMIES.

He went on to demand she take "decisive and proportionate" action to "reduce conflict and tensions, rather than increasing them". He seriously asked why she hadn't sent crime scene samples to the alleged perpetrator, much to eye-rolling amazement from all sides.

Now, St Beardy of Islington has been called a lot of names. A traitor and a secret Communist, a mole for Czech spies and a friend of tyrants. The truth is he is none of those things - he just has an unfortunate habit of doing and saying the same things they would.

Who wants Theresa to cave in, rather than stand up? Putin. Who wants her to stop taking money from his enemies? Putin. Who wants other world leaders to look powerless before him? P to the U to the T to the I to the N for Novichok !

It comes to something when the most useful thing the Leader of the Opposition can do is keep his mouth shut. But the words that keep coming out are achieving the opposite of what Labour should be doing.

(Image: Getty Images Europe)

The Opposition needs to tell Theresa words aren't enough. That sanctions don't work, the military isn't up to it and the public won't put up with her doing nothing.

They just need to demand, loudly, that Something Must Be Done and she'll soon be floundering in those ropes that she's stood right next to.

Instead he asks if the local hospital has got staff trained to deal with nerve agents. If she'll follow international chemical weapons protocols and whether the Salisbury branch of Zizzi has had a good clean.

Spank my bum and call me Boris, but none of that's going to convince the public he's a PM-in-waiting.

(Image: AFP)

Everyone who wants Brexit to be better organised or reversed, who wants the NHS to work and social care to be resolved, for schools to have enough funding and police less crime, needs Theresa May out of office. The fact she has no weapon to wield against Russia's murderous bullying beyond firm language is enough to show how weak she is, both to her own party and the country at large.

Yet Corbyn fumbles around in the gloom of his own inability to see what must be done - unable to put her out of our misery, in case it means he has to replace her.

Someone has to, and someone will. If it's not a Labour leader then it will be Boris, and all Corbyn will have achieved is longer, harder, Tory rule.

He says he's a man of principle, but his only rule of thumb seems to be not doing what it takes to see his dream made reality.

And if he doesn't want it enough, nor will anyone else.