Chapter Twenty: Help Meowth Here



Benga's POV



"Hi-ho, Clarence! And away!"



I purr softly to myself as I watch Shu straddle the Clarence creature with a vine as makeshift reins. Clarence, of course, has no idea why this small human is climbing on its back, and attempts to bolt, bucking the poor kid off its back and into a conveniently located bush. Not that something made of scratchy sticks makes a particularly soft landing, but at least it's not rocky ground.



"You should really wear a helmet if you're going riding," Ilima offers. "Especially on an untested steed."



"I can do it!" Shu insists, picking himself back up with Ilima's help. "I just gotta explain things to Clarence, and then he'll help me!"



Clarence's two heads observe Shu with interest. "Who's the kid?" the beaked head asks.



Lucky Shu can understand Pokemon with his weird N-Comm thing. "My name's Shu. Shu Ketchum," he says. "And I'm going to Saffron City to save Pallet Town!"



Ilima laughs softly. "Well, you can make it to Saffron City faster if you don't injure yourself on that Doduo. Ride Pokemon training often takes years. I doubt you'll master it in a few minutes."



"And we're not that far from Holiwood City," Gary points out. "It's just up ahead, past those trees."



We've been walking all day long through Sida Forest. Well, walking and training -- training meaning facing down random forest creatures in combat in a technique that Terra calls "grinding" and I call "pain." There's always Sitrus Berries and Revival Herbs after the battles, so the pain never lasts, but I wonder just what it is about these "Pokemon" that Terra likes so much.



They seem kind of... violent. For the sake of it. Whenever I ask one what they're fighting for, I get similar answers: to get strong. To protect their family and friends. To impress their family and friends. One of the local birds just wanted me to get off his lawn. But somehow, no matter how eloquently I argued, none of them considered backing off and letting us pass to be a feasible options.



Conclusion: they're all nuts, and I need to keep Terra away from them as much as possible. Even Yoshi is a total sycophant in terms of constant fighting, which disturbs me greatly. All those cries are a real pain on my superior feline ears.



I'm not that bad at this battling thing, all things considered. Scratching and Licking are natural hobbies of mine, and the fire inside me makes for excellent fireballs. I just wish Terra and I lived in a world where this sort of thing... wasn't so alarmingly frequent.



And I never even got to eat anything I knocked out. I tried to eat this weird spiky bug thing, but Terra whipped it out of my mouth and told me that Weedle are poisonous and I need to stay away from them. Yeesh. She didn't ask me to stay away from it when I roasted it with a fireball; what's the point of cooking something you're not allowed to eat? (Also, I'm not even quite sure if it was dead or alive, as it was still twitching a bit after I knocked it out.)



I guess the berries aren't so bad, although the herbs are pretty bitter. But I want something... fresh. Something that crawls in the grass. Something that's REAL food, and not just what food eats.



Maybe we'll find some of that at Holiwood City, wherever that is.



---



The place seems pretty run-down. There's plenty of buildings, but most of them are boarded up or just plain run down. If this is the big city, I'd hate to see what the small one looks like.



"Woosh! My feet are killing me," Gary complains. "Can't we check into a hotel?"



"I vote restaurant first," Shu says. "I'm starved!"



"You think we can afford restaurant fare?" Ilima asks, concerned.



Wes scoffs. "Lookit this place. Everythin's so run-down I'd be damned if th' restaurants can afford us."



This is an accurate statement. Most of the places that sell food have closed for the night, so it's a struggle to find a place that will serve us. Which is a real shame, because I've never eaten in a restaurant before. I wonder if there's any restaurant that serves live lizards. I could really go for something fresh.



"Hey!" a voice calls out through the night. "Geddoutta my shop!"



We round the corner, and suddenly there's a whole clowder of those cat-things with shiny round things on their heads, like the one that beat me up at Pallet Town. Each one has a piece of food in their mouth, like a fish or a frankfurter or a chicken leg. In the lead is a big big cat-thing with a gem on its forehead that's somehow carrying an entire pizza, box and all. And at the end of the line is an extremely ticked-off human wielding a rolling pin and shouting expletives.



"And if you come back here again," he shouts, "I'll run you though the Visa machine!"



The clowder scatters, leaving me, Terra, all our friends, and the other human, all just standing there and wondering if we really just saw what we just saw.



The stranger sighs. "Well, so much for that. The least those rascals could have done was leave a Pay Day... but it's no use now."



He looks up at us. "Oh, hello there. You six wouldn't be interested in something to eat, would you?"



The humans all start talking at once, in various degrees of yes. But this is pretty awkward, so most of them stop and let Ilima do the talking, probably because he's so good at it, because he never stops.



"As a matter of fact," Ilima says, "yes we are."



"You've got the funds to pay your own way, right?"



Ilima reaches into his satchel and pulls out a nice fat wallet. "Of course. We wouldn't want to impose on your generosity."



"Generosity my fanny -- it's hard enough for Pizza Burger to keep in business in today's economy without a bunch of furry pests reaching for a four-pawed discount." He gives me a glare. "And keep that creature in its Poke Ball or on a leash. This is not a cat-friendly restaurant."



Terra sighs, and is about to retract me into her ball when Shu coughs, passing her the vine he was using when 'riding' Clarence. "Here. You just tie it around Benga's collar, and you're good to go."



She does, and we are.



---



HOLY SMOKED SALMON.



This place is HUGE! It's like a temple to food. There's signs on the walls depicting newspaper articles about food, there's whole rooms full of tables on which to eat food, there's a place in the back where I'm not allowed to go that's basically a giant kitchen...



This is clearly a temple, a temple of food. And all I can say is, praise cod.



No, seriously, the fish is delicious. Hickory smoked. I'm surprised the humans don't really go for it, but they prefer the titular pizza burger. It's... how do I explain it? It's pizza, and it's a burger, and it's huge. Huge enough for six people, seven if you count Hoopa, and everyone counts Hoopa (especially Hoopa).



I love this place. I love it, I love it, I love it! I want to live here. Me and Terra can just live here and eat only the best food, for the rest of our natural lives.



Except... then I guess we wouldn't be helping Gary and Shu get their relatives back, and we'd also probably tick off the waiter, who has made it increasingly clear that he is not a cat person.



Decisions, decisions.



"So what brings you to Holiwood City?" our waiter asks. He's the same guy who invited us in, a mid-thirties human with darkish skin, black headfur that goes down to his chin, and beads in some of his headfur. If he ever got close enough to me for me to bat at those beads, I would. But of course he doesn't.



"We're headed for--" Shu starts, but Gladion makes a noise like he's about to hack a hairball and raises his hand.



"We have business on the other side of Kanto," Gladion says firmly, in the tone of voice that says and that's all you need to know about it. "Have you heard about what happened in Pallet Town?"



"Can't say that I have," the waiter answers. "I've been working all day -- well, almost all day. Without paying customers I don't actually have all that much to do. Most of our workers have been laid off, so I'm pulling triple duty as waiter and chef and janitor, and I still don't have all that much to do. Holiwood City is a ghost town now, and nobody stops buy for a bite to eat anymore." He gives me a glare. "Except, of course, the alley Meowth."



"Why not close up shop, then?" Shu asks. "Get another job?"



"Because it's not that simple. I've been looking for other employment, but there just aren't very many jobs available in Holiwood City for someone like me. Besides, my mom lives here, and she's getting along in years and I'm trying to look after her."



There's an awkward silence, the kind of silence that happens when no one has anything else they'd like to say and no one has any ideas as to how to change the subject.



Gladion speaks up first. "You know any good spots to train?"



"Not off the top of my head, no. But if it's battles you want," the waiter says, "then maybe you six can handle that Meowth problem I have. The pests live in an alley three blocks north, and they won't stop breaking in to steal my food. See if you can knock some sense into them."



"Sounds like a plan," Gary says. "Who knows? Maybe we'll catch one of them for our own."



"Well, I certainly hope you won't be bringing it here," the waiter says. "Those nasty, uncouth things are by no means welcome in my restaurant!"



His eye falls on me, and I stare at him for no good reason. This tends to unnerve some humans, and it works on him. He blinks first.



I then go back to demolishing my dinner.



"You know of any good places to stay for the night?" Gladion asks. Ah, asking the real questions here. Personally give me a pillow and a sunbeam and I can sleep anywhere, but humans tend to be notoriously picky (and diurnal as well).



The waiter thinks a moment. "I know of places to spend the night, but good places? Hardly. The hotels have fallen on hard times as well, and the city is thick with thieves that pick the locks and steal whatever they can find. You don't want to check into any of the hotels in this city. Cockroaches are some of the better things you'll find in there."



"Well, we certainly can't spend the night on the street," Gladion says. "Don't you know any place that can house the six of us for the night?"



"We have money," Ilima offers. "We can pay our own way."



The look on the waiter's face says that he knows where this is going, would rather it not go there, but the money is calling him.



"I don't have room in my house for six people," he finally says. "If you want to sleep in the restaurant, though, be my guest. But it's not an inn, I'm not going to stay here to serve you once it's closed, and if I get any indication that you're robbing my shop for midnight snacks, out you go first thing tomorrow morning."



"We can pay you back for anything we eat," Ilima says, giving a sharp glare to Hoopa, who started giggling when the waiter brought up midnight snacks.



"Thank you, and I'll hold you to that. And don't let that fuzzy pest scratch up the vinyl. Or leave oil marks anywhere." He gives me another look. "Generally, I'd prefer you keep it in its Poke Ball at night. But I'll be leaving a couple of my nocturnal Pokemon to keep an eye on your group."



"What kind of Pokemon?" Terra asks.



The waiter reaches for his Poke Balls, bringing forth a large, four-winged bat and a...



Oh my word...



She's a graceful-looking cream-colored vision of feline beauty. Her fur grows darker on her ears, feet, and tail, and she wears such beautiful ribbons that shiver and twirl as if they have life of their own. And such eyes... such beautiful blue eyes...



And this guy acts like he doesn't like cats?



The beautiful one looks down at me and humphs. "Good day, peasants. I am Burger Kween, and I'm the one who really runs this restaurant. If you give PK or Paul any trouble, then I'm going to knock you senseless into the middle of next week. Is that a deal?"



"Who's PK?" I ask.



"That would be me," says the bat thing, grinning. "Don't let Burger Kween fool you. She isn't always such a splendid ray of sunshine." He gives her a sideways glance and a grin. "She's just been extra miffed ever since that Meowth posse showed up and kept targeting our restaurant."



"Hmmph!" Burger Kween says, turning up her nose.



"And Paul's the human," PK goes on. "He's not a bad guy, considering his upbringing. Life's been hard to him for a while, and he tries not to let it show. He's got a good heart underneath it all, it's just kind of hard to find it."



"I see," I say to PK. "So... this Meowth posse doesn't happen to stop by in the middle of the night, does it?"



"Nope. That's because I'm there to stop them." PK looks proud and flexes. "I am the night incarnate. Nothing gets past my sonar. If anyone tries to put a paw out of place, I hear them." He twitches his ear. "And I drop down on them like death from above. No one's ever tried to rob this restaurant twice."



"No one human, anyway," Burger Kween says. "The Meowth are far more persistent."



"Trust me -- this is the safest place to sleep in the entire city." PK flies down to a chair and perches there. "You've got me, and you've got Burger Kween. PK and BK. Not much gets past us."



I hear Terra laugh above us. "Seems like the Pokemon are getting chatty."



"They sure are," Shu says. "Kachu, why don't you hop down and join them?"



Kachu happens to have several ketchup packets in her mouth at once, so what she says next is a bit muddled. But it sounds something like, "Not right now! I'm eating!"



We all have a good laugh over that, except for Gladion, who never laughs. At all.



"One question 'fore you leave," Wes says. He pulls the glove off his right hand, the one with the weird sigil burned into it. "Ever seen this before?"



Paul examines the sigil. "Not personally, but I've read about it. How did you even get that?"



"Funny story. 'Parently it bound my life force to a Squirtle shell," Wes says darkly. "Know how t' get rid of it?"



"Unfortunately, no. That's the Mark of Phancero, and it's a sigil used by glitch cultists to attempt many different types of spells, including transmutation, glitch summoning, and... blood sacrifices." Paul looks nervously around the room. "Thankfully I've never had to deal with glitchcraft here in Holiwood, but if you don't get that fixed up soon, you could be in real trouble."



"So how do I fix it?" Wes asks.



"Well, the only way I know of is to revert your body back to the state it was in before the curse. Time travel, as it were. But obviously that's a bit above and beyond most folks' capabilities."



"Heyyyy..." Wes turns to Ilima and Gladion. "You guys got those chronometers. Maybe you could help me?"



Ilima shakes his head. "I don't think they work that way. They trasport a body back and forth through time, but they don't affect a body's personal timeline. I could talk to Clemont about trying to design one, but his machines tend to blow up a lot during the testing phase, so you might not want to rely overly on Clemontic gear."



Wes groans, slouching down in his chair. "Lovely. So I'm cursed, is that it?"



"There are Pokemon capable of lifting that kind of curse," Paul goes on. "Dialga and Celebi are two Warp-types that specialize in controlling time. Perhaps a trip to Johto is in order. Dialga is said to reside in the Sinjoh Ruins, and Celebi lives in Ilex Forest. Bring a sufficient offering, and one of them might just help you."



"Great," Wes says, facepalming. "Exactly th' opposite direction from where we're goin'."



"I assure you, Wes, we aren't going to just leave you cursed," Ilima says. "But for now, we need to prioritize our rescue mission, or at least get in contact with someone who can help us."



"Rescue mission?" Paul asks.



"Long story. Everyone in Pallet Town was kidnapped by Team Rocket, and we have reason to believe they're being held in Saffron City." Ilima pauses. "Not that it's any of your business. I can see you have your own problems to deal with."



Paul sighs. "Everyone's got problems. It's how we deal with them that determines who we are. So, what would you like for dessert?"



---



One dessert later, Hoopa rings up our sleeping bags and whatnot, and we prepare to bed down for the night.



"Y'know, Mew has th' genetics of all Pokemon in it," Wes says, giving Ilima a meaningful look. "Mebbe we should try that out for curin' my curse?"



Ilima looks uncomfortable. "Just because Mew is capable of something doesn't mean it knows how. And I'm not using the Quartz Flute in an urban area. You know Mew don't like to appear to humans unless there's a very good reason."



"I'm frekkin' cursed! Ain't that a very good reason?"



Ilima sighs. "Believe me, if I thought that Mew could help you, I'd seek its help in a heartbeat. But it's not that simple. Sure, a Mew can become anything, but that doesn't mean it knows how to use its powers. And given that the last time we encountered Mew, it had to help fix the damage you caused with that Gengar, I don't think it's going to be all that keen on helping you."



"I didn't mean that Mew," Wes says. "Ya know what I mean, right?"



There's a pregnant pause.



"It's not going to happen," Ilima says firmly. "I can't risk trying something that could end in the curse manifesting by accident -- or worse, spreading to others. At the very least, we need to know more about this curse before we can break it."



"Great. Lovely," Wes grumbles. "So I'm stuck like this. Splendid."



"We're not going to leave you cursed forever, Wes," Ilima reassures him. "We just need more information. We know it's a dangerous curse, and we want to be careful with breaking it."



"Yeah, for all the good that does me right now."



Wes sleeps on the opposite end of the restaurant from everyone else. Probably to sulk. As for me, I curl up next to Terra and get my purr-motor running, as per usual. I don't think she could possibly sleep without me.



I guess tomorrow is another day. More cats, more fighting. Yay. Not-yay.



Why can't we all just get along?