If there are any 5e rogues in your life, you may be familiar with a certain strain of argument. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

“But I’m standing slightly to one side of the golem. It didn’t know I was there!”

Or how about this one?

“I thought we were playing with the flanking rules?”

Or if you have the questionably-good fortune to party with an assassin, perhaps you’ve heard some variation on this one?

“I’m first in the initiative. That’s surprise, right? That’s an auto-crit, right?”

Look, I understand that rogues have plenty of incentive for weaseling every little advantage they can get. The thinking goes that, if you’re not activating your sneak attack every round, you’re not doing your job. And since DMs can arbitrarily “decide that circumstances influence a roll in one direction or the other and grant advantage or impose disadvantage as a result,” a little rhetorical nudge is just good gaming. After all, when those all-important +Xd6 of damage are just like, your opinion man, it’s no less than your duty as a team player to cast suggestion on the man behind the screen.

In case Poe’s law is getting in the way here, I hope it’s clear that I don’t share this line of thinking.

I’m not just picking on the rogues of the world. The cloak and dagger crowd have more reason than most to whine at the GM, but they’re hardly the only players to go begging for bonuses. And that, of course, leads us to our question of the day.

What is the most egregious example you’ve seen of “greedy PC rhetoric?” Maybe your teammates demanded magic items? Perhaps level progression was unsatisfactorily glacial, and the multiverse demanded redress? Or was your friendly neighborhood murderhobo suffering the burden of “unfair” consequences? Sound off with your least reasonable player complaints down in the comments!

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