"Come on," Steph says. "You're not going to wear those baggy things to my mom's pool party."



I look down at my swim trunks. "What's wrong with these?"



"Do you think I want to be dating a guy who wears my dad's swimsuit? Are you a hundred? Put on a cute little speedo."



"I don't know, Steph. I feel weird in front of your family."



"Are you kidding?" Steph says with a smile. "It's the highlight of my mom's summer."





~~~





There's already a group of a half dozen people by the pool when we arrive. Steph's mom, Missy, greets us with a loud "Hiya!" Steph's dad is behind her, raising a cozied beer in greeting. He's a cool dude, his big belly hanging low over the kind of swim trunks I wanted to wear.



Missy runs forward to hug us. She's so short, like maybe 5 feet tall, but she packs a lot of energy and a lot of boobs into that five feet. She's like a heavier, shorter, bouncier version of Steph.



Right away, she shoos me inside to change. "Get in your suit!" she says. "It's a pool party!"



Steph is already in her swimsuit: a baggy tank top and shorts set like most women wear. Missy's wearing the same thing.



~~~



Inside, I head to the bathroom and change into my speedo. It's blue and white striped and I do feel like I look good--at least what I can see in the tiny, cloudy bathroom mirror. I work out pretty hard pretty regularly and I'm proud of my bod. At the same time, I don't always like the attention that comes with it. I know--I'm weird.



Anyway, when I step outside, I get a wolf whistle from Missy and a "verrrrry nice!" from her Aunt Tina who has just arrived. I don't really know what to do but stand there and smile. Tina's taller and thinner than Missy but they all have the same nose and eyes. "Sure, make an old man jealous," Sam says with a laugh and offers me a beer.



Aunt Tina walks over to me. "Where's my hug?" she says and takes a long time with it, her fingers on the small of my back, grazing my butt. I wait patiently for the hug to end.



I go for a quick swim while Steph chats with the older generation. The water feels great on such a hot day. Occasionally I can hear them laughing when I come up for air.



When I get out and towel myself off, everyone's still talking. A woman I don't recognize is eyeing me. She's a big woman, both in height and girth. She's got giant, wavy hair that poofs in every direction. She's definitely different, but her gaze is kind of creeping me out. I wrap the towel around my waist.



When I rejoin the group, they're talking politics. All about our mayor, Marilyn Sands. She has this weird plan to sell the Old Porter Woods so they can build condos. I've been reading all about this so I chime in. "I can't believe she thinks she can get away with that."



"She's the mayor, cutie," Aunt Tina says. "She can do what she wants."



"No, she needs the town council's approval for that sort of thing."



Aunt Tina smiles and shakes her head. "No, she doesn't. Trust me."



"I read about it!" I say.



Aunt Tina laughs and says to Steph, "He's feisty. Must be hard to keep under control."



"It's a challenge," Steph says and laughs too.



Annoyed, I grab a beer from the cooler and lie down on one of the chaise lounges.



"At least he's cute," Aunt Tina says.



~~~



When I get too hot lying in the sun, I get up and go inside, where they've laid out some snacks. Maybe I'll find a bottled water. I don't really want more beer.



"They're annoying huh?"



I jump. I hadn't realized the poofy-haired woman was right behind me.



"Oh? Them?" I say. "They're ok. I'm just grumpy I guess."



She slides the sliding glass door shut.



"You should smile more. Show them it doesn't get to you."



I don't really like it when women tell me this but I try to grin.



"There you go! You know you're really quite handsome when you smile."



"Oh," I say. "Thanks."



"Well and I have to be honest. That bathing suit's not hurting anything." She laughs. "I love that those are in fashion. When I was your age, it was the complete opposite. They'd wear these big old giant pairs of shorts." Her eyes are on intently on my speedo and I'm feeling a little uncomfortable. I try to see past her out onto the pool area. She reaches for a chip and dips it in salsa.



She says, "I used to go to swim meets just to check out the guys. How crazy is that?"



"Pretty crazy," I say, faking a laugh. Outside, the group is still tight in a circle. Not sure they miss me.



"Not the craziest part even. I used to blow some of the guys."



"Oh my god," I say. I can't believe she's telling me this.



"It's true. I'd sneak them into one of the empty offices and go down on them like crazy."



"Ummmm..."



"Every guy loved it. They'd be begging me to do it again the next time I saw them. I am one of the true experts."



I'm quiet. What am I supposed to say to this?



She smiles, shakes her head so that her poofy hair flutters. "How would you like me to show you?"



"That's OK," I say.



"Because I'll be honest with you. That tiny little speedo is driving me crazy right now."



"I have a girlfriend. I'm sorry."



Her smile fades. "You seriously don't want a blow job? What are you? Gay?"



"I told you. I have a girlfriend. She's right on the other side of that glass door."



"She doesn't have to know anything." She reaches out and puts her hands on my hips, tucking her thumbs inside the waistband of my suit.



I pull away. "I said 'no'!"



She stops and snorts. "You know you're not anywhere near as hot as you think you are. You've got a serious 'but-his-face'." She turns and heads backs outside, but stops and turns back long enough to say. "Hope Steph puts a hood over your head when she fucks you so she doesn't have to look at your face."



Shaken, I change back into my clothes. I realize I'm trembling. I go out to the car and text Steph, "I want to leave. Now."