A condolence message is a way to express your sympathy to a grieving family or friend after the loss of a loved one. Sending out a condolence message is a great way to comfort your family or friend, as you let them know that you are thinking about them during their difficult time.

However, finding the right words of condolence to offer to the bereaved is quite difficult. So, to help with that we sat with the Eastern Memorials team, famous for designing flat headstones for Graves in Maryland, and discussed everything about writing condolence messages.

Here’s what they say:

Getting started

If you are new to this area of writing, it can be difficult to determine where to start with a condolence message. You might want to practice by creating rough drafts of what you want to say.

Although there are no standard rules to follow when writing a condolence message, here’s a rough layout of how your sympathy letter or card should be ordered:

Start with ‘Dear…’ now it is important to remember that if you are writing to a family, try to include every family member’s name. Start your message by offering your condolences. This is where you let them know that you are thinking about them and that you are sorry for their loss. Mention a few good qualities of the loved one. When consoling a grieving family, talking about the good traits of a person they have lost will help bring them comfort by knowing they are appreciated and loved. If you didn’t know them well, you can reflect on what others said about them. Share a story or memory about that person. It can be really comforting for grieving families to hear new stories about their loved ones. It could be about the first time you met, or the last meetup you planned, or just the time they really helped you out of something that meant so much for you. Offer support. If you are available and willing to offer some kind of support in the days to follow, say so in your condolence message. For instance, you might want to offer help with certain tasks such as cooking, looking after children, or gardening. Mention the funeral. This is important. If your sympathy letter is going to reach the family before the funeral then you may want to confirm whether or not you are going. However, if you are writing the message after the funeral service then you can mention how fitting the tribute it was. Sign-off with an appropriate message. You would want to sign-off your letter with something like ‘with love and sympathy’, ‘with sincere sympathy’ or ‘with caring thoughts’.

Things You Should Never Say in a Condolence Message

Although your words of encouragement or condolence messages might not be enough to cheer up a grieving person, and using careless words could even hurt them further. You might want to take note of the following:

Don’t say you are not the first person to lose someone.

Don’t say move on.

Don’t say the deceased is in a better place.

Avoid making false promises.

Looking for memorial ideas? Check out these double headstones for graves and other accessories to use as a remembrance of your loved one.