Kelly Wallace is CNN's digital correspondent and editor-at-large covering family, career and life. Read her other columns and follow her reports at CNN Parents and on Twitter @kellywallacetv.

(CNN) I had always planned on having a dance party for my 50th birthday this year. Think how fun it would be: hire a DJ, invite friends and family and dance the night away like I did in college.

But something funny happened as my milestone approached. I found myself in a major funk, and the thought of a dance party was the furthest thing from my mind.

I had always said age is a state of mind; 50 is the new 30, right? Was I suddenly feeling blue because my big birthday was imminent?

Ludwig says midlife is certainly a "stop and pause moment" where we tend to plug into ourselves in a different kind of way. "There's a tendency to take stock: 'Am I where I want to be? What do I need to do for the next phase of my life?' " Ludwig said last weekwhen we chatted during a segment on "Tell Me Everything with John Fugelsang" on Sirius XM Insight. "And that's exactly right. That's where we should be."

The problem many of us encounter, said Ludwig, is that we face a society that isn't exactly celebrating being middle-age. In fact, it's doing the exact opposite with a message that we're "over the hill" and that our best days are behind us.

"It's really a shame, because when midlife was first defined, it used to be called the prime of life, and somewhere along the line, it didn't exactly mean that," said Ludwig, 51. "Culturally, we live in a place, a society that over-idealizes youth, and even though youth is great, it maligns midlife in a very unfair and inaccurate way, and we do internalize that. Listen, we are affected by our environment."

'I told her my age. There was ... silence'

Ludwig set out to write a book about what happens to women and men in the middle of their lives after an eye-opening moment in her 40s.

She was interviewing to be on a television show when the casting director asked how old she was. "I'm not one to ever lie about my age, because I figured I earned those years. I don't want to dismiss them. They're part of who I am. And when I told her my age, there was like dead silence. She couldn't get off the phone soon enough. And after the phone call, I had a moment where I said, 'Wow, is this it for me? You know, I don't feel old, but do other people perceive me that way? Has my heyday come and gone?' "

Those questions led her to begin a journey of research. When she looked at the books that were available about being middle-age, she said, she was amazed at how depressing they were and how they were all about loss and how you negotiate loss.

Robi Ludwig, author of "Your Best Age is Now," and CNN's Kelly Wallace at CNN's studios this summer

"I thought, given the people that I know in midlife, this is not an accurate reflection of what I'm seeing in my private practice or in my own personal life, and fortunately, the really new research out there supported my intuition," she said.

In her book, Ludwig touts this new research, some of which shows that today's midlife is very different from what our parents or their parents experienced. First of all, we're living longer than previous generations, and with that comes an increased need to live younger, said Ludwig, who began working as a psychotherapist in 1988.

Fifty-five percent of Americans 50 and older plan to work past 65 or have already done so, and 25% of those who are not retired say they never plan to retire, according to a study by the AP-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research.

Our perceptions of aging may also be more convincing than reality, according to the research.

And despite thinking that we are who we are by age 50 -- or, as I like to say, that the cake is fully baked -- there is research to suggest our personalities continue to evolve over time. According to a 2003 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, traits such as agreeableness continued to improve through a person's 60s.

Our brains also keep changing and growing, quite a contrast to the belief that midlife marks the beginning of our mental decline, said Ludwig.

"The latest advances in brain imaging have shown that the brain grows new cells throughout our lives in a process called 'neurogenesis,' " she said in her book. "We now know we can continue to learn new things, improve thinking and mood, create new memories, and retain cognition well into old age."

Hearing what Ludwig has to say certainly makes me feel better about entering this next chapter of my life. So too does hearing about the impact your attitudes about aging can have on your overall mental health.

Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – You wouldn't know it by looking at Sharon Stone, but the 57-year-old has struggled with accepting her looks as she ages. Here are more famous faces who are making the fifth decade of life look good. Hide Caption 1 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – "Weird Al" Yankovic may not be your typical definition of "sexy," but don't tell his massive fan base that. The prince of parody songs turns 55 on Thursday, October 23. Hide Caption 2 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – May the birthday force be with Carrie Fisher! The "Star Wars" actress celebrated her 58th birthday on October 21 and was seen partying with her "Star Wars: Episode VII" co-stars. The actress has recently gotten in top shape, perhaps to slip into that famous metal bikini once again. Hide Caption 3 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Marcia Gay Harden still turns on the glam. The Oscar winner turned 55 on August 14. Hide Caption 4 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Danny Bonaduce turned 55 on August 13, and the former "Partridge Family" star has maintained his heartthrob status. Hide Caption 5 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Actress Rosanna Arquette, who turned 55 on August 10, is still turning heads. Hide Caption 6 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Kevin Spacey, who turned 55 on July 26, is enjoying both career success and attention from fans who can't get enough of him on "House of Cards." Hide Caption 7 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Bon Jovi rocker Richie Sambora turned 55 on July 11. Hide Caption 8 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Not much investigation is needed to figure out that "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" star Vincent D'Onofrio is making his 50s look good. The actor turned 55 on June 30. Hide Caption 9 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Model Elle Macpherson celebrated her 50th birthday on March 29, and she still looks exactly like the fresh-faced, leggy Australian beauty we came to know in the '80s. Hide Caption 10 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Dare we say, Ian Ziering is more popular (and hotter) at 50 than when he was playing Steve Sanders on "Beverly Hills, 90210." The actor, who celebrated his birthday on March 30, has found a second life after that soapy '90s drama with a stint working for Chippendales Hide Caption 11 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Rob Lowe turned 50 on March 17, and he doesn't look much different than he did from his Brat Pack days in the 1980s. Hide Caption 12 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Madonna turned 56 on August 16, and she hardly looks it. Hide Caption 13 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Oh, George Clooney, you make 53 look so good. Hide Caption 14 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – At 59, Iman could still easily book modeling gigs. Hide Caption 15 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Michelle Pfeiffer is still fabulous at 56. Hide Caption 16 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Valerie Bertinelli who was honored with the 2,476th Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in the Category of Television on August 22, 2012 in Hollywood, California. Hide Caption 17 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Actress Vanessa L. Williams is a stunner at 51. Hide Caption 18 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Gina Gershon could easily don her skimpy "Showgirls" outfits at 52. Hide Caption 19 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – We have no problem with 54-year-old David Duchovny's nude scenes in "Californication." Hide Caption 20 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Like the legendary Tina Turner she portrayed, Angela Bassett, 56, is aging splendidly. Hide Caption 21 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Antonio Banderas is still a stunner at 54. Hide Caption 22 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Demi Moore has been the patron saint of cougars everywhere for some time (even though it didn't work out with Ashton Kutcher). She is 51. Hide Caption 23 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Daniel Day-Lewis (seen here with wife Rebecca Miller arriving at the 2013 Oscars) is still dashing at 57. Hide Caption 24 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – That dapper chap Hugh Grant is 54. Hide Caption 25 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – It's hard to believe Johnny Depp is 51. Hide Caption 26 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Brazilian director Walter Salles, left, adjusts Viggo Mortensen's bow tie at the 65th Cannes film festival in May 2012. Moretensen is 56. Hide Caption 27 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Kelly Preston is a youthful 52. Hide Caption 28 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Denzel Washington is still a bona fide sex symbol at 59. Hide Caption 29 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – At 54, Colin Firth still reminds us why we fell in love with him in "Bridget Jones's Diary." Hide Caption 30 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Believe it or not, Eddie Murphy is 53. Hide Caption 31 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Heather Locklear hardly looks 53. Hide Caption 32 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Julianne Moore is a ginger haired beauty at 53. Hide Caption 33 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Dylan McDermott just keeps getting better and better looking with age. He's 52. Hide Caption 34 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – Julia Louis-Dreyfus is an adorable 53. Hide Caption 35 of 36 Photos: Photos: Sexy celebs in their 50s Sexy celebs in their 50s – At 59, Kevin Costner is still booking leading man roles. Hide Caption 36 of 36

She points to a study (PDF) from the University of Waterloo that found a correlation between people who had negative attitudes toward aging and were feeling older with a lower psychological well-being. This goes back to that concept of age as a state of mind. If you think you are old, you are going to feel old, so why not think and live like you're 29?

What's next? Using creativity to figure it out

As Ludwig said, when we enter our midlife, we do stop and think about where we've been and where we're going. And if you are unsure of where you want go from here, Ludwig recommends using creativity to figure it out.

"I give a recommendation in my book where I say, 'Create your own art project and see what you're drawn to,' " she said. "And look around: Is there somebody you feel a little bit envious of? Maybe that can also be indicative of what you want next for yourself, so be aware of what you're drawn to and creatively give your time to explore."

If you dreamed of becoming a Broadway star but can't sing, you might not want to quit your day job, but you can still find a way to incorporate new things into your life and see how they feel, she says. Take a class. Explore your daydreams. Give yourself time and space to consider new paths.

"You could take an acting class and basically use this as a time to explore and say, 'I'm going to explore and say yes to life and see where that leads to,' " said Ludwig. "You can say yes and at the same time set boundaries and turn to your friends. Rely on the people and the connections that you've made to help you with this next phase of life."

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OK, friends and family, consider yourself warned: You'll be hearing a lot from me in the months ahead. In the meantime, I think I need to sign up for that dance class I've been thinking about for a while.

Could the Broadway stage be next?