Found on AskReddit

1. Right now I just don’t have anything that can compete with my Hitachi.

“Right now I just don’t have anything that can compete with my Hitachi.”

—offbrandsoap

2. If you want something done right, you’ve gotta do it yourself.

“If you want something done right, you’ve gotta do it yourself.”

—Hunting_Gnomes

3. One of them involves having to deal with a woman and the other doesn’t.

“Simple. One of them involves having to deal with a woman and the other doesn’t.”

—bjay7

4. I’m not laying on a bed with a dude on top wondering what the fuck do I do with my body?

“It’s less stressful. I’m not laying on a bed with a dude on top wondering what the fuck do I do with my body?”

—i-ride-dragons

5. I don’t have to cuddle with my penis afterwards.

“I don’t have to cuddle with my penis afterwards or pay its student loans off.”

—Rudeirishit

6. Men don’t vibrate.

“Men don’t vibrate.”

—lynnangel

7. When you have sex with someone else you are sleeping with their baggage, too.

“No money spent, no emotional bullshit, no judgment, no criticism. When you have sex with someone else you are sleeping with their baggage, too.”

—ChooseWisely72

8. At least my hand will stay with me forever. I think.

“Because I’m a single lonely guy who is incapable of getting with someone and keep the person longer than two months. At least my hand will stay with me forever. I think.”

—Teh_Willis

9. Sometimes the richest man in the world just wants a hot dog.

“The difference between sex and masturbation is like the difference between steak and a hot dog.

Steak is objectively better, but it takes a lot of work and some skill to prepare. Either that, or it’s pretty expensive. And even if you do everything right, there’s still a chance that it won’t be very satisfying.

A hot dog is just okay. But it’s consistently okay. A hot dog is quick and easy and pretty good for what it is. You always know what to expect with a hot dog.

You might ask why a person with regular access to steak would ever want a hot dog. Well, sometimes you don’t want to go to all the trouble of preparing a steak.

Sometimes the richest man in the world just wants a hot dog.”

—UncleTrustworthy

10. I can take care of myself. I really just want a back rub.

“I can take care of myself. I really just want a back rub.”

—lo-lux

11. I don’t have to worry about disappointing anyone.

“I don’t have to worry about disappointing anyone when I masturbate.”

—RabidSeastar

12. Masturbation’s a quick release and doesn’t involve all the complicated feelings that sex brings up.

“I’d prefer masturbation to mediocre sex with someone I’m not really emotionally into. Masturbation’s a quick release and doesn’t involve all the complicated feelings that sex brings up. I can’t be bothered to put the effort into having sex if it’s not going to be in some way great.”

—aburgerkingbathroom

13. I don’t like the pressures that come with sex.

“I don’t like the pressures that come with sex. Just easier the other way.”

—dukeblu32

14. It’s ethically superior to cheating.

“Can’t be a shitty dad if I just jerk off.”

—Stellyjosh

15. As a woman I can’t get off from intercourse. Just can’t.

“I prefer masturbation a lot of the time because as a woman I can’t get off from intercourse. Just can’t. My boyfriends great about trying to do everything I’d need to get off but I can only get off from clitoral stimulus. That being said it has to be a vibrator, nothing else is fast enough. We incorporate a vibrator with sex, but sometimes a girl just wants to get a quick one in without all the work.”

—Miramay

16. You can’t get an STD from masturbating.

“You can’t get an STD from masturbating.”

—ToyotaPriapus

17. My hand doesn’t go behind my back and handle other dicks.

“Because my hand doesn’t go behind my back and handle other dicks. Yet.”

—CanisMaximus

18. With sex there are all those pesky emotions and worrying about the other person.

“With sex there are all those pesky emotions and worrying about the other person.”

—Mars_Rocket

19. Sex with a condom and no emotional connection? Pointless.

“I prefer masturbating to sex with a condom specifically. Because I can’t feel much with a condom on. I have to be REALLY into the girl (ha) to want to have sex with a condom (so take it as a compliment if I am willing to have sex with you wearing a condom, ladies). And I pretty much give up on being physically satisfied. Makes one-night-stands a no-go for me. Sex with a condom and no emotional connection? Pointless.”

—huuaaang

20. Masturbating doesn’t involve dealing with other people.

“Because masturbating doesn’t involve dealing with other people.”

—frontrange5813

21. A guy has never given me an orgasm.

“Because a guy has never given me an orgasm (I’m a woman despite my username).”

—VladimirVeins

22. Less messy. Less acrobatics. Less contortionism.

“Masturbation by a long shot, for many reasons.

• No STDs. No pregnancy.

• Never painful.

• Less messy. Less acrobatics. Less contortionism.

• Less theatrics.

• The thought of sex with a man or woman is almost never exciting or tempting to me (I am asexual).

• Feels better.”

—Phytomancer

23. I have yet to find a real comfortable position for having sex, whereas I can very comfortably jerk off.

“My preference is blowjob > masturbation >> sex.

Obviously blowjobs and sex tend to go hand in hand. But masturbation feels waaay better to me than sex. My dick kind of points straight upward, and so even bending it perpendicular to my body is pretty uncomfortable. I have yet to find a real comfortable position for having sex, whereas I can very comfortably jerk off.

Plus, I kind of have a porn addiction. I don’t know if that’s a real thing, but I need a lot of mental stimulation to get off on that just a naked body in front of me doesn’t really accomplish.”

—lucifers_booty_fur

24. My hand has a lot better fine motor skills than any woman’s vagina.

“My hand has a lot better fine motor skills than any woman’s vagina.”

—lutgholein

25. Sometimes you wanna skip the trouble and just rub a good one out with no obligations.

“Sex feels better but I’m obligated to please her. Normally that’s no problem but sometimes you wanna skip the trouble and just rub a good one out with no obligations.”

—CplCaboose55

26. Jerking off is quick, easy, and allows me to get to sleep.

“To have sex with my girlfriend, she needs to be not sleepy, in the mood, recently-showered (otherwise no oral foreplay), not stressed, not rushed, not anxious over something, and she needs to have enough time.

The chances of all these boxes getting checked is slim. And then we have to worry about reaching orgasm together, positions, speed, talking, etc.

Work and stress blunt our respective libidos, plus I’m shit at initiating because my last girlfriend coerced me into sex regularly; knowing my current girlfriend had sex with me because I was so insistent would break my heart.

Maybe someday my girlfriend will go on antidepressants and she’ll be happier more often, but nearly every SSRI/anti-anxiety med completely kills the sex drive. I had those mess forced on me as a teen-early 20s and it killed my sex drive for years even after stopping dosage.

Jerking off is quick, easy, and allows me to get to sleep sometimes.”

—DrRexTyler

27. It gets way too intimate for me to be around another human being.

“Because when I cum and my endorphin levels are high I’m horrendously freaked out about my repressed emotions and it gets way too intimate for me to be around another human being…I love sex till this point.”

—Adithya_04

28. Sex has always felt like a chore.

“Sex has always felt like a chore. Like there is so much that has to be done right for it to work properly. Over the last couple years I also got far, far worse at talking to women. Sooooo we might be doin the one man tango for the long haul. For the record I like long walks on the beach.”

—JustHereToConfirmIt

29. For me sex is about pleasuring someone else. It is about giving. Masturbation is about pleasuring yourself.

“For me sex is about pleasuring someone else. It is about giving. Masturbation is about pleasuring yourself. So sometimes if I don’t receive as much as I give when having sex it can be disappointing. Masturbation is very rarely disappointing.”

—Maven_Punk

30. Because I’m lazy and don’t want to put in the physical effort and break a sweat.

“• Because I’m lazy and don’t want to put in the physical effort and break a sweat.

•Because I’m selfish and just want to please myself and not have to wait for my wife to cum before I let myself.

•Because I enjoy looking at a variety of different women of all colors and sizes who are often very different than my wife.

•Because I like watching all sorts of fucked up fetishes where applying them to real life would ruin my relationship.

•Because my wife wants a baby and that’s a huge turnoff.”

—incognito_moose

31. I can make my own toes curl quite easily and consistently.

“I know my body better than anyone else can ever know. And I have never met a girl that can make me pop quite like I can.

Sex is still fun, I just don’t need it. I can make my own toes curl quite easily and consistently.”

—Seyloren

32. It boils down to my desire to make sure that the other party is enjoying themselves—so much so that I lose the satisfaction of the act.

“Welp, it boils down to my desire to make sure that the other party is enjoying themselves—so much so that I lose the satisfaction of the act. I just want to make the other person happy. And I get so involved in that…that I can’t just enjoy it naturally.

The one time I came during intercourse was after six hours. I still enjoy it a lot, but my brain goes firing millions of neurons thinking about shit and I just think, “are they enjoying this? Is this good?” I’ve had several partners ask me to cum in them…and it was even more stress. Suffice to say, it didn’t happen.

I just need to find the right one. Or just rewire my brain. Masturbation is just you and your fantasies. And even that takes me an hour because…my brain roams.”

—Varkalas

33. No one can make my clit do what I can make my clit do. So inevitably I give myself the best orgasms.

“No one can make my clit do what I can make my clit do. So inevitably I give myself the best orgasms.”

—Tigris474

34. When I’m alone I can think about whatever I want.

“In a marriage and the sex isn’t that great.

I’ve never come from my partner at all. When I was young and stupid I faked it because I was tired of the ‘Well did you? Did you?’ questioning at the end, and then I stopped faking it and tried to ‘talk’ and ‘work together’ to achieve it, but he insisted my faking was ‘real’ because he can ‘definitely tell’ and I was lying about faking and we weren’t going to try anything new.

Now I want to really, really prioritize it, but he doesn’t let me touch myself during sex. Won’t use toys, won’t try anything new, won’t do it in the ways I feel best.

So, first that’s a huge turnoff because who the fuck tells me what I can and can’t do with my body? And second, what’s the point, I’m not going to come, he’ll do things I don’t like and won’t do the things I do like, so it’s hard to be enthusiastic.

Oh and he ‘doesn’t like’ that I masturbate so I certainly never ever talk about it, it’s not like a fun thing we can share or joke about or anything.

Which means he doesn’t know about the toys, nor that I’ve found all kinds of interesting ways to orgasm.

Also when I’m alone I can think about whatever I want.”

—silvestre_una

35. Sex is kind of gross and doesn’t feel that great.

“Sex is kind of gross and doesn’t feel that great.

Like, fluids come from there. Kissing? God. Kissing is so gross. You wouldn’t spit in a cup and have someone else drink it but that’s kind of what kissing is, y’know? And with masturbation you can control exactly how long it goes on for. You don’t have to deal with someone else’s BO or performing or whatever.

You know your body and exactly how you want it and you have a lot more fine control.

I really don’t get the appeal of sex, period.”

—Synonym-Bun

36. There ain’t a pussy in all the land that fits as tight as your hand.

“There ain’t a pussy in all the land,

that fits as tight as your hand.”

—NotThatDroid

37. Masturbation is a way to get off with absolutely no strings attached.

“Masturbation is a way to get off with absolutely no strings attached. NSA relationships, or FWB, can get messy because it’s impossible to promise that you won’t get feelings for the person.

Also, I know exactly how close I am, so if I want to edge (which is usually), I know exactly my limit and what I can and can’t do to keep me just on the verge. I have yet to find a person who can do that, though I have had a couple who have made me ejaculate without orgasm, which fucking sucks.”

—Mad-_-Doctor

38. No one is getting pregnant or is going to end up crying.

“Unless something goes terribly wrong, no one is getting pregnant or is going to end up crying…at least not again.”

—guest123420

39. While sex is great, the majority of the time I just want to relieve some stress.

“Masturbating – 5-10 minutes. Can be done just about anywhere that has a bathroom (or not, if you’re into that). Is consistent. Can be done whenever the urge strikes. No cuddling, no coddling, no reciprocation, no emotions, just a few minutes of pure bliss.

Sex – 30 minutes to 2 hours. (Honestly 2 straight hours of sex is more of s curse than a gift). Requires a second person. Requires putting in effort and work. Can’t be done just anywhere. Requires reciprocation. Requires some level of protection/risk.

So while sex is great, the majority of the time I just want to relieve some stress.”

—__celli

40. The only thing I ‘need’ from real women is just nonsexual physical closeness.

“Male here. I am not comfortable with sex for some reason, haven’t really enjoyed it that much ever. Never orgasmed during intercourse. Masturbating just is much faster to set up, feels better and normal women just can’t compete with porn stars and hentai in terms of attractiveness. <3

The only thing I ‘need’ from real women is just nonsexual physical closeness.”

—WitheringTreant