True Blood 2.2 – All Lifestyles, Sizes, Shapes, and Forms

“If you’ve got any silver on you, now would be the time to reveal it.”

So sayeth Sheriff Eric to Lafayette, and given that he preceded the comment by throwing a redneck’s severed arm in his general direction, you can imagine that it’s a suggestion that Lafayette would’ve been quite willing to take, if only he had any on him. He doesn’t, though, assuring Eric that, even if he did have any, he wouldn’t be stupid enough to try and use it. Eric disagrees, but he hustles Lafayette off nonetheless, taking him on a trip to meet Pam. Lovely girl, that Pam. First, she gives Eric a serious “tsk-tsk” for all the blood he’s gotten in his hair, then does the same thing to Lafayette for immediately offering to give up the names of every single one of his clients in order to save himself. His response to her attitude results in the first glimpse of the real Lafayette that we’ve seen this season, and it was so funny that I’m going to quote it verbatim for your enjoyment:

“Oh, don’t get it twisted, honeycone: I’m a survivor first, a capitalist second, and a whole bunch of other shit after that, but a hookerdead last. So if I got even a Jew in an Al-Queda pep rally’s shot of getting my black ass up out of this motherfucker, I’m taking it. Now, what you wanna know?”

Awesome.

Give Lafayette credit for being embarrassed to give up Jason Stackhouse (though he did it, anyway, and it still didn’t do him a lick of good), and Eric for having the sense not to go after Jason. Once Lafayette’s back in the clink, though, he makes a move that’s damned near ingenious…although, if I’m to be honest, I first thought he was starving and resorting to cannibalism. But, no, he used the materials available to him – ewwwwwww – and made a break for it. And it looked like he was going to get away with it, too, until Ginger the Trigger-Happy Waitress took him down for the count with one shot. So do you think Eric’s going to turn Lafayette? Do fish swim…?

You’ve got to respect a show where a pair of character post-coitally discuss the merits of break-up sex versus you-thought-I-was-dead sex (according to Sookie, they’re both pretty good), then drift into a discussion about the surprising lack of differences between being a vampire and being a teenage girl. Sookie’s sympathetic about Jessica’s plight as a newly-turned vamp who’s just lost forever the chance to grow up, and when she sees the plea from her parents, it only gets worse. The two of them bond, possibly over their mutual ability to not laugh at Jessica’s pitch-perfect Bill impression, and the next thing you know, Sookie’s driving Jessica over to her parents’ house. C’mon, is there anyone who didn’t think this was going to end badly?

Speaking of Bill, he has a free shot at the salesgirl at the mall, who’s apparently looking to fulfill a lifelong dream to hook up with a vamp, but he takes a pass. But, hey, look, it’s the new Eric…and he’s looking a little gay. Hey, I’m not saying it’s what *I* think, I’m just saying it’s what the saleswoman thought. The two of them have a tense conversation about Eric’s desire to utilize Sookie in Texas and the interest in hunting up this Godric character. I’m intrigued.

Well, it’s pretty clear that they’re not hesitating when it comes to painting the religious fanatics as slackjawed yokels. If Jason and his bus mates had all died in a crash, we would’ve lost maybe 200 cumulative IQ points. Tops. Still, when you look at all of the hot babes in the group, it’s no wonder why most of them stick around, and now that Jason’s a football hero, too, it’s only going to assure him that he’s made the right decision. And how about that foot-stomping concert by Amanda Jane? “Jesus Asked Me Out Today”? NICE. Shame about the way the play went down, but you wouldn’t ask a Vietnam veteran to play the part of Pyle in “Full Metal Jacket,” would you? The showdown between Jason and his new buddy, the Luke-inator, is destined for next episode, but that’s probably good, as I’m still laughing over Luke describing Jason’s flag-snapping maneuver as the work of “a Muslim Buffy with a dick,” anyway.

Tara’s understandably concerned about the fact that she doesn’t know really anything about Eggs, and when he starts to get skittish about her questions, it only makes it worse. Finally, he ‘fesses up that he’s got no job, was living under an underpass when Maryann saved him, and that he did prison time for, among other things, armed robbery and assault. She’s taken aback, but he rightfully shrugs and says, “You wanted to know.” It’s pretty obvious from Tara’s discussion with Sookie, however, that Eggs’ faults aren’t the only things that are making her uncertain about living with Maryann. So will she take Sookie up on her offer to move in? I figured she would, but I knew Maryann wouldn’t be happy about it.

And speaking of Maryann, she pops by to taunt Sam in his own business, which is a pretty shitty thing to do by most anyone’s standards. Nasty work, that woman, and it only gets worse when she meets Sookie and talks a load of shit about how wonderful she is. Cape Cod accent, my ass. Was that Latin Sookie was hearing in her head? I don’t know what the deal is with this woman, but with her ability to get the entire bar to dance their asses off and force Sam into shifting his shape, she intrigues me.

And, also, she’s hot.

Random comments:

• Looks like my instincts about Daphne must’ve been wrong. VERY wrong.

• Andy’s off-the-wagon anecdote about how he was once told that his dancing makes him look “like an epileptic on meth” was a highlight of the episode.

• So are we going to get some forward motion on this possible Terry and Arlene romance? It’s certainly looking that way.

And, so, the episode ends with Jessica coming within an inch of killing her asshole father – something which, to be fair, I think we were all practically rooting for her to do – before Bill blows in to possibly but not definitely save the day. I don’t blame him for being pissed at Sookie, but I seriously doubt he’s pissed enough to take down this whole family. I’m figuring there’s gonna be a bit of glamouring going on when we return next week.