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For Christmas 2016, my wife bought me a T-shirt. Plain white with bold black letters, it reads: “Ask Me About My Feminist Agenda” [1]. I wear the shirt out in public quite often. Knowing this, a family member recently forwarded me an opinion piece about men who fear being criticized by women should they make explicitly feminist statements (such as wearing a t-shirt). The article describes a few male celebrities who have been called out, and concludes that men should not make such a public display of their feminist beliefs.

There certainly are good reasons not to be performative about your feminism. It is wrong to wear the t-shirt in an attempt to prove your feminist bonafides to women. You should listen to women and consider their concerns carefully. You might learn how performative allyship is used as a cover for abuse or misogynistic behaviour. Perhaps you’ll read about how the passive act of wearing a t-shirt signifies an unwillingness to take more concrete action. Or maybe it bothers you that feminism can be monetized in this way. If you conclude that wearing your feminism publicly is not in the best interest of equality, that is a supportable and reasonable conclusion.

But in the article mentioned above and in many others by men, the discussion is not framed around the concerns of women. Instead, it is framed around the question “What are the risks to me as a man if I perform this action?” That is the wrong question. You should not be guided by anxiety about how you will be perceived or treated. You will not be harmed by those reactions.

It is true that putting an explicitly feminist statement on your chest, you run the risk of being called out by women as opportunistic or performative. Absorb that risk [2]. The consequences to you are minimal and amount to little more than hurt feelings. Are you not committed to ending the much more serious dangers that women experience in their daily lives, especially if they speak out about inequality? If you are asked directly by a woman to explain yourself for wearing the t-shirt, repeat after me: “I wear this shirt to start conversations with men, not to prove myself or to explain feminism to women.” Then listen to whatever she has to say.

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Personally, I have had nothing but positive experiences talking with guys about my t-shirt. They express mild confusion or pleasant surprise. They reference Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s identification as a feminist. As the shirt invites them to do, they ask me about my feminist agenda. And they often start a conversation about how gender roles hurt men. Men want to talk about the gender-based inequality they experience, but women are justifiably tired of repeatedly being asked to explain how feminism benefits everyone. This should be up to men. By wearing the t-shirt, you are expressing a willingness to take on that role. At the bare minimum, you will develop an “elevator pitch” for talking about the topic with other men, which you might find challenges you to deepen your understanding of feminism.

If you want to help ensure that you are not trying to performatively force yourself into feminist spaces, wear your t-shirt in male-dominated spaces. If you anticipate a negative reaction from other men consider what that tells you about the social group you are a part of, or about the settings that you are spending time in. Your emotions are an imperfect guide to reality, but they may be telling you something important here. For example, if you feel anxious in anticipation of wearing your t-shirt out to the bar with the guys, try hard to understand why. And never forget the implication of the fact that you have the choice to hide your feminism at any time; not everyone has that luxury.

Feminism does not have to adapt itself to, much less prioritize, male comfort. If you choose to be public about your feminism, expect some discomfort and absorb that risk. Your goal in wearing an explicitly feminist t-shirt should be to start conversations with other men, not to demonstrate to women your commitment. Conversations between men about equality need to happen. That is what we can foster by being public about our belief in feminism. That is the role that we men have to play in creating a more equal world. That is my feminist agenda.

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1 The t-shirt slogan is a reference to the since canceled Mockingbird comic series by Chelsea Cain.

2 I encourage you to read the NYT article “Real Men Might Get Made Fun Of” by Lindy West, which inspired much of this article.

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Photo credit: Shutterstock