Transcript:

Friend: Do you have any idea how much paranoia there is out there? Mike: Out where? Friend: About 2,000 miles southeast of us. I wonder how they're making out with Jade Helm 15 in Texas... Mike: What's Jade Helm 15? Friend: A military exercise. It's routine, but Gov. Abbott activated the state guard to monitor it... in case the troops try to impose martial law, disarm innocent Texans, and detain them in tunnels beneath closed Walmart stores. Mike: Not really. Friend: Really. There were "concerns." Mike: Whatever happened to Texas secession? Such a good idea. Friend: Do you think the detention tunnels have greeters?