Bobby got into salad bars

lotta heartbreak, lotta heartbreak

that boy from down the road

decided one day that he’d try to dice a radish

just one radish

you know how that is

gateway shit

he started getting into the lettuces

romaine, iceberg, spinach, mixed greens, mother fucking black seeded simpson

next it’s carrots

then cucumbers

olives, croutons, hard boiled eggs, little bits of bacon

he started fooling around with dressings and stuff

ranch, italian vinegrette, thousand island, chunky bleu cheese

things led to things

before he knew it, had a full salad bar operation going in his basement

not a day went by when he didn’t turn to that salad bar to solve his problems

his family never saw it coming

then one day

boom

face down in shredded cheese

little pieces of ham everywhere

because he was dead.