B.o.B performs at the Hot 107.9 Birthday Bash at Philips Arena in Atlanta on June 17, 2017. (Chris McKay/Getty Images)

Flat-earther B.o.B constantly proves my belief that a person can be a genius in one field and totally clueless in another. We previously reported that the talented rapper and singer was raising funds to build a satellite that will once and for all settle the debate about whether or not the planet is dinner-plate shaped.


Well, B.o.B. recently took a break from his quest to prove that every scientist, astrophysicist and astronomer for the last 2,000 years didn’t know what the hell they were talking about when they said the Earth was round. (They probably forgot to carry the 1. I do that all the time.) This time he’s advocating the belief that slavery didn’t exist because ... umm ... well ... simply because he’s never seen a slave ship.


On Wednesday, DumbBob SquareEarth posted an Instagram video of a Hotep an exceptionally conscious, dashiki-clad fez wearer explaining how white people not only changed the ancient maps but also manipulated all space and time to confuse our understanding.

“When the European came to power, what he did is change up chronology and geography, or the time-space coordinates, to disorientate us. So we don’t know where we at,” the Hoteptician explains.

At this point in the video, B.o.B. cuts in to show an ancient map. (Stop laughing! 1904 can be considered ancient! Didn’t I just explain to you how the Caucasians be fucking with time?) As he shows the map where Morocco is next to Japan and California, Flatty LaBelle wonders if you aren’t looking at ancient Jerusalem “right next to ‘Illi-noise.’”

@bob via Instagram screenshot


Apparently unaware how compasses, maps or even cardinal directions work, B.o.B explains how everyone’s directions are off because “north ain’t south and south ain’t north.”

I know you’re screaming, “Just turn it upside down!” but you’re using logic and common sense. Perhaps you may have even read a book or two or taken an elementary school geography lesson. That’s why you’re brainwashed. You’re not “woke” enough.


But this is the funniest part: The map he’s displaying is not some uncovered secret that white people have been mysteriously hiding. It’s the ground plan for the Louisiana Purchase Exposition, more commonly called the 1904 St Louis World Fair! Yes, this nigga is explaining the white supremacist conspiracy plot with a carnival map!

I thought I asked you to stop laughing!

Flat Sajak explains in the caption for the post how all this means you have been hoodwinked and led astray:

They say slavery lasted 400 yrs... America is only 250 yrs old... You ever seen a slave ship ? They can find a billion year old dinosaur bone but can’t find any slave ships. #AseerTheDukeofTiers 🤔 #apparently#SlaveryIsNotInMyDNA #WeBeenHere


Two things, Mr. B.o.B.:

First of all, the continent of North America existed long before 250 years ago. That’s just when the United States of America was founded. It’s kinda like your level of understanding is that of a second-semester fourth-grader, even though you’re 28 years old.


Second, I have seen a slave ship before. Just last week, as a matter of fact. The Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture has artifacts from the São José-Paquete de Africa, a slave ship that sank more than 200 years ago and was recovered in 2014.


To be fair to Flat-Earther Kitt, this is a Hotep conspiracy that has been around for a while. According to the theory, if slave ships existed, why aren’t any around? (Answer: Because most slave ships were made of wood, they ultimately deteriorated.) And if there are no slave ships, then either black people were always here, or the whole slavery narrative is one big historical lie.

The theory is like me going up to my mother and asking about my grandfather, who died before I was born. How can I know he existed if I can’t see him? In fact, how can I know anything exists unless I’ve seen it? I’ve never been to Africa. Is that just a conspiracy, too? I’ve never seen B.o.B. make an intelligent statement. How do I even know he has a brain?


In fact, I think B.o.B. should delete his entire Instagram post. That way, instead of looking like a low-IQ, black version of Alex Jones, he can just say it never existed.

And in the traditional greeting of Hoteps everywhere, I say, “Ase, King B.o.B.”