Recently the Cerebral Palsy Foundation posted the following tip of the month on their Facebook page: “Do not assume that people with disabilities cannot have significant others.” Coincidentally, my wife, Cheryl, and I recently encountered this assumption at church during a time in the service where we were to greet someone new that was sitting nearby. An elderly woman sitting in the same row approached us and over the course of exchanging information about each other, she asked Cheryl if I was her brother. Cheryl then politely replied “No, this is my husband.” In the past, I have found it interesting that in some cases if a person with a disability is in public with another person, especially of the opposite sex, it is often presumed that they are either a care provider or a family member instead of a friend or spouse.

Although I embrace the spirit of the Foundation’s tip of the month, I feel the need to expand upon assumptions related to people with disabilities who have significant others. Included as part of the Facebook post was a nice picture of a couple, both in wheelchairs. Although this is a fair representation of the message being conveyed, it can also perpetuate a belief that if a person with a disability has a significant other, that they will or should also have a disability. I have personally encountered this mindset both while in high school and as a young adult. In fact, on one occasion, I had someone suggest that I should ask out a young woman in the same social circle that also had a disability. A converse of this assumption is that people with a disability can have significant others who don’t have a disability.

It goes without saying that personal relationships are based on more than that physical attributes such as hair color or whether you have a disability. It involves emotions, feelings, personal views and beliefs. Like anyone else, people with disabilities may indeed have significant relationships with others. My own tip for the month is look at the person and consider the possible relationships which they have or could have, regardless of his or her outward appearance.