They’ve facilitated billions of dates and helped pave the way for marriage, children and everything in between. It’s old news that dating apps and online platforms are now the most common way for prospective partners to meet in the US and have become popular around the world. But for many of those who’ve tried and failed to find true love through their devices, the novelty is long gone.

“I've met great people that later became friends and had a handful of extended flings, but never a long-term relationship,” says writer Madeleine Dore, a 30-year-old from Melbourne who’s also dated in New York and Copenhagen. She’s used apps including Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid over the last five years and describes the dates she’s been on as ranging from experiences “that feel like a scene in a rom-com” to “absolute disasters”.

Many of her friends have met their partners online, and this knowledge has encouraged her to keep persevering. But, when “conversations unexpectedly fizzle, sparks don’t translate in person [and] dates are cancelled”, she typically ends up disenchanted and temporarily deletes her apps for a couple of months.

It’s a pattern many long-term singles will be familiar with, with other complaints about the app-based dating experience ranging from a lack of matches to too many matches, misleading profiles, safety concerns, racist comments and unwanted explicit content. Not to mention a host of digital behaviours so confusing we’ve had to make up new words for them, from ghosting and catfishing to pigging and orbiting.

While almost half of adults under 35 living in the US and the UK have tried some form of digital dating, and the multibillion-dollar industry increased by 11% in North America between 2014 and the start of 2019, there are growing signs that many would rather not be using these methods. A BBC survey in 2018 found that dating apps are the least preferred way for 16- to 34-year-old Britons to meet someone new.