If Maria Magdelina Montanez-Colon is guilty of anything, it's being a little too honest. Well, that and trying to use 911 as her personal gigolo service.

The 58-year-old Punta Gorda woman was arrested for repeatedly trying to get a police officer to have sex with her.

According to the Smoking Gun, Montanez-Colon said she called 911 for a family dispute over a Corvette that had belonged to her late husband (coincidentally, or actually maybe not, a cop).

But when a police officer arrived, Montanez-Colon, who seemed noticeably tipsy, was no longer interested in the hot-rod dispute but instead interested in the officer's hot rod. She called Officer Justin Davoult "sexy" and asked if he was single.

Montanez-Colon also announced she was "horny" and "hadn't been penetrated in years."

When the officer asked if there was anything he could help her with, Montanez-Colon answered, "You could fuck me."

Shit, girl! More direct than a gay man on Grindr at 3 a.m. More direct than a drunk bro at LIV who didn't buy a $1,500 bottle to go home alone without some tail.

That takes some ovaries.

The officer declined and informed her that her behavior was not appropriate.

Less than an hour later, Montanez-Colon called 911 again and informed the dispatcher that the officer had pissed her off and that she would like another one to come to her home.

Officer Davoult showed up again, this time with a lieutenant. Montanez-Colon explained the situation pretty bluntly.

She called Davoult "a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to fuck me, he turned me down, so that made me angry."

Asked by Davoult as to whether she knew this was a misuse of the 911 as per their previous conversation, she replied, "I do, but how else am I going to get you to fuck me?"

Damn.

Montanez-Colon was then arrested on misdemeanor charges of making false 911 calls.

Someone needs to get this woman a Rabbit vibrator and a porn site subscription. Maybe that way she'll learn that if she's going to call a service to have men come to her house and then try to sleep with them that she might have better luck with, say, a pizza parlor or a plumbing service.

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