In this op-ed, writer Lauren Duca shares her experience appearing on Fox News this past December and muses on the lessons it taught her in how to handle having political conversations with an opposing force.

After publishing a popular piece about Donald Trump on teenvogue.com this past December, I was asked to appear on Fox News. I walked in expecting something challenging, maybe a bit heated, and ended up enduring the 10 most infuriating minutes of my professional life to date. The host spent the majority of the interview tossing off theatrical snickers and false assertions about my personal views and saved the grandest act of degradation for our final moments together. In an attempt to undermine my legitimacy in writing about politics altogether, he read titles of my pop-culture and fashion posts. “Stick to the thigh-high boots,” he quipped, referencing one on Ariana Grande. “You’re better at that.”

The segment went massively viral, perhaps because it felt so familiar. Our conversation — if you can call it that — was a supercharged version of all of the worst types of dialogue unfolding in this fraught political moment. Really, just imagine the most aggravating exchange you had in the wake of the election, but on steroids, in front of millions of people. It was awful, exasperating, and explicitly sexist, but there’s a lesson buried somewhere in all that toxic sludge: Young women have every right to political conversations, and there’s no reason to let anyone tell you what you believe.

The easiest way to work toward smarter conversations with those on the other side of the aisle is to prepare yourself for the trickiest moments. Research the issues that move you, and have bullet points prepared for potential areas of debate. It’s not a matter of ambushing your opposition with an onslaught of statistics but building to a place of security in your own stances. Too many exchanges are colored by personal insecurity; uninformed ignorance is a slippery slope into defensive anger. If you are confident in your positions, you will be far harder to shake.

When you find yourself in the middle of a difficult exchange, the greatest advice I can give you is to listen. We are so quick to check the boxes of our preconceived notions. Patience is elusive in this distressing time, but one-on-one relational work matters. Try to hear what the friend, relative, or Fox News talking head who disagrees with you is saying. Respond directly to their claims, rather than to some idea of what the person might think. Similarly, refuse to let him or her prescribe beliefs for you by sheer assumption. After you listen, insist on your right to be heard.

This should go without saying, but apparently it’s time for a reminder: Young women have equal, if not greater, investment in this country, and if anyone tries to tell you any differently, inform them — calmly, yet confidently — that you are the future.

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