Have your neighbours been smoking weed? Strange fruity smells coming out of their house? Need some friendly advice?

We’ve put together a quick guide for you just in case you are fortunate enough to discover that you have neighbours that smoke weed.

1. Go and make friends with them

They might be really nice people. Seriously. While there are exceptions to every rule, you might find that, despite what you may have heard, people who smoke weed are actually hard-working, decent people.

Studies have found that cannabis users are more satisfied and successful than abstainers in the US. So don’t be shy. Just remember to…

2. Take them some chocolates

It’s possible that your neighbours are really hungry and under the influence of some heavy couch lock material so may appreciate the thought of you saying hello with something sweet. While it’s the thought that counts, so does the snack. Sweet and salty are preferred.

3. Find out who their dealer is

There’s a good chance they might have some really good connections, why not take advantage of that? Who knows, you might become seriously ill soon and urgently require some professionally-made cannabis oil which you are unlikely to be able to source through the NHS anytime soon.

4. Think yourself lucky

Living next to stoners is surely a much more pleasant experience than living next to dedicated all-night drinkers and cocaine snorters who, for example, who will continue their noisy antics until they run out of drugs at 5 or 6am.

Cannabis users, on the other hand, may stay up very late watching mind-opening documentaries and cartoons but are generally much more agreeable people and very unlikely to create problems for you. So keep calm and carry on.

5. Don’t call the police

That would be the actions of a brainwashed antisocial fool. Are they really bothering you? Most stoners do not want to needlessly upset other people with their actions so if you are really suffering somehow why not speak to them instead of calling the police?

Also, bear in mind that they could be consuming for medical reasons.

If you call the police on a cannabis smoker, you are diverting the already stretched police services as well as unnecessarily creating a victim of somebody where no actual crime has taken place, except in your mind. It’s not ‘fair play’, it’s underhand and constitutes the actions of a coward.