Last night, CNN hosted the 2nd GOP Debate to help candidates further discuss pressing domestic and international issues. During the debate, Trump was questioned about how easily angered he is, to which Trump responded so violently that his toupee nearly fell off as he described his “phenomenal temperament”. “Eat a Snickers”, said Jeb Bush. “You know how you get when you’re hungry, Don.”

Trump then produced a Snickers bar from his pocket, unwrapped and sniffed it, made that stupid fucking face Trump makes when he doesn’t like something, and then took a bite. To the crowd’s surprise, no magical poof transformed Trump into a better looking, charismatic, and knowledgable candidate. Rather, the crowd was greeted by the uncomfortable sound that is made when years of neglected dental hygiene attempt to break apart nougat, peanuts, and caramel, all wrapped in milk chocolate.

Trump then raised his eyebrows, titled his head and shrugged his shoulders. “Meh”, he muttered. “Not bad,” He then smiled, revealing brown chocolate blots on his yellow teeth. “Anyway, back to Carly Fiorina’s vagina.”

The other candidates then groaned and cringed, along with the crowd. All except Ms. Fiorina, who smiled at the thought of somebody appreciating her tragically neglected vagina. When questioned for further explanation, Trump attempted to twist his words into something about women’s social disenfranchisement, despite everyone knowing this is the rambling of a delusional narcissist, since eating a Snickers didn’t prevent him from being a massive fuck.