LUTSEN, MN—According to witnesses, local mother Deborah Miller, 49, apologized to her family profusely Monday for going through the natural biological process of menopause. “Gosh, I am so sorry—I know it’s cold in here, but I’m having a hot flash,” said Miller as she cracked open a window in the den, fanned herself with a nearby magazine while her husband and two sons watched television, and repeatedly asked them for forgiveness for her ovaries ceasing to release eggs and her decreased estrogen production, physical and chemical changes that happen to every woman during her lifetime and over which Miller has no control. “I really hope I’m not bothering anyone. This won’t last long, I promise. Sorry, sorry.” Sources added that Miller later apologized softly to no one in particular for the perfectly normal stage of life when she stepped on several loud floorboards late at night during a bout of hormone-related insomnia while everyone else in her family was sound asleep.

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