Today’s story comes to us from up near my neck of the woods, over the border in New Milford Township, Pennsylvania. A retired homeowner in the rural district, 69 year old David Braman, was home alone when heard a knock at the door. It turned out to be someone claiming to have run into some car trouble and needing assistance, but living in that neck of the (literal) woods, Mr. Braman took some precautions when answering the door. We join our story in progress.

State police said three suspects arrived at the home of David Braman, 69. The suspects, Francois Muchanic, 31, of Susquehanna, Dylan Brewer 20, of New Milford and Evan Hess, 20, of Forest City were driven to the residence by Muchanic’s girlfriend, Erica Major, 30, of Susquehanna. Muchanic knocked on Braman’s door wearing a ski mask. The victim opened his door carrying a loaded 357 Smith and Wesson revolver. Muchanic told Braman he was having car problems and needed to use his phone, according to state police. Trooper Mark Mulvey said Braman tried to close the door when he realized Muchanic was wearing a ski mask. State police said Muchanic then forced his way into the home and began assaulting Braman and knocking him to the ground. Braman fired three shots at Muchanic and hit him once in the groin.

Sorry to emphasis that last bit, but it’s really one of the good parts of the story. Oh, and providing the proof of an old axiom which is clearly true, there is no honor among thieves.

Troopers say Muchanic fled the home, falling to the ground. The two other men, Brewer and Hess left Muchanic at the scene.

The girlfriend picked up Muchanic to whisk him away from the scene of the very badly failed crime, but quickly had to call for medical help for her man. She tried making up a story about how he had pulled over to help a motorist in distress, but the police weren’t buying it. All three of them, plus the girlfriend, are in custody. We tried getting a statement from the police today without success, but local reports indicate that there are no charges being considered against Mr. Braman. (This is clearly different than what would have happened if this had taken place in New York City, where Braman would likely still be sitting in a jail cell.)

This happened in Pennsylvania, but it’s not Philadelphia or Pittsburgh. This is out in the middle of the state which is commonly known as Pennsyltucky. Mr. Braman lives out near the local campgrounds and was clearly wise to not answer the door for strangers at night without his Smith & Wesson in hand. And since I know you’re terribly worried about the welfare of the attacker…

State police say Muchanic is in critical condition. Muchanic, Major, Brewer and Hess all face numerous charges.

That’s just a crying shame, isn’t it?