After over 80 years of existence, Wonder Woman's first solo film hits the big screen on Friday and people are, rightfully, pumped. She was arguably the best thing about Batman vs. Superman, the early reviews have been glowing and it's about time. To celebrate the momentous occasion, Texas movie theater the Alamo Drafthouse planned an all-women screening of the film. The screening quickly sold out, prompting them to add a second screening, which has now also sold out. Unfortunately for the Drafthouse they forgot that some men exist solely to ruin everything. While most people applauded the initiative, a few sensitive souls took to social media to complain about being excluded from one random screening in Texas. We were able to secure an interview with one brave soul. This is his story.

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Okay ladies, now let's get in formation. Tickets: https://t.co/Ue2BhWmKt0 — Alamo Drafthouse ATX (@drafthouse) May 24, 2017

Can you tell us why you're angry about the Wonder Woman screening that's exclusively for women?

I'm just sick of being discriminated against. How would women feel if they weren't allowed places?

Like the White House?

No. I meant mostly movies and most of the Supreme Court and the role of James Bond and my fraternity and stuff.

Oh. So, walk us through this conflict with the Alamo Drafthouse. Did you try to buy a ticket and get turned away?

No. I live in a different state.

So, you didn't have plans to attend this screening?

How could I? I'm a man! I mean, I would have gotten on my plane and flown to Texas if I was allowed. I'd run to Texas and back if they let me. But I can't. I never could.

Did you buy a ticket to a showing in your town?

Am I allowed? I'm not trying to get kicked out of a theater. What is this, The Handmaid's Tale?

Do you know what The Handmaid's Tale actually is?

No.

Great. Did you know that Wonder Woman is being released in over 2,000 theaters? And only two screenings are women only. I'm sure you can find a local screening that's open to you.

They probably have gender detectors at the doors of every theater.

I think you're thinking of North Carolina bathrooms. Here, let's look it up. What city do you live in?

I live in Gotham City. We only have two movie theaters left. Bane destroyed the rest. Something about temples to consumerism or something. You can't understand a word that guy is saying, honestly. Anyway, I guess I could go to a screening at one of those theaters. Neither of them have the reclining seats and my sciatica is really acting up so I'm not sure. I just don't know why I can't go to the women-only screening, despite the fact that it's in a different state and I don't want to go and I wouldn't even know about it if they hadn't put the signal up in the sky.

The Bat Signal?

No, the Men's Rights Are being Trampled signal. The MRAT Signal. It's a working title. It's been stuck in committee for two decades. But it's really effective. If you look up in the clouds and see the silhouette of a penis with a sad face, that's what it is. Anyway, this guy on 4chan runs it. He has some complicated algorithm that tells him any time any woman anywhere is happy and then he investigates to find out if it's something men can ruin. It's very effective. Anyway, the signal went up and we came flocking. It's for equality, you know.

Does this feel unequal to you?

Yes! I want to go anywhere I want, even places I don't want to go. This feels mean. I feel like if Wonder Woman were here, she'd want me at this screening.

Are you sure about that? She lives in a kingdom with no men.

What?! This is new information! Hold on, let me send a text to RageKing69 on 4chan. He needs to know about this.

It's pretty common knowledge.

Well, I've never really paid any attention to Wonder Woman or her backstory or anything. But this makes me really furious. I thought we were super friends.

It's possible to be friends—

Super friends.

Super friends and still want a space of one's own.

I don't understand that.

You have a whole underground cave for yourself and your cars and your clothes and your butler, though.

That's different. I'm not saying other people can't come into the Bat Cave. I just made it impossible to find and booby-trapped the entrance and put up a sign that says "Ladies, go away. This means you, Selina Kyle."

Okay. Thanks for clarifying. Last question: when you reached out to the Alamo Drafthouse about the Wonder Woman screening, how did they respond?

They sent me a free ticket to a screening of the all-female Ghostbusters movie.

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R. Eric Thomas R Eric Thomas is a Senior Staff Writer at ELLE.com, home of his daily humor column "Eric Reads the News," which skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude.

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