The first annual Fakies™ award show has been officially scheduled for May 13th, 2018. The event was inspired by Donald Trump’s triumphant destruction of the God-hating media, who prey on the innocent and good-hearted actions of his administration. For too long, the media has believed they can take President Trump’s words, and repeat them exactly as they were said. It is obviously unfair to portray the President exactly as he is, with videos of his speeches, and recitations of his quotes. The media should work to stretch his accomplishments while minimizing any shortcomings. The Fakies™ will allow Trump to speak clearly, without his words being garbled by facts and honesty. Without the crushing weight of journalism, Trump will no longer have to endure the cruel and unusual punishment known as “criticism.” He will no longer have to face the impossible expectation of being a morally-guided man, driven by a passion to serve the people of the United States.





The Fakies™ will be co-hosted by a pair of former administration employees, whose time in the White House totals 192 days: Sean Spicer, and Anthony Scaramucci. The two will perform their monologue, verbally abusing every journalist and news network, but treading lightly around anything that might have to do with the president. Jokes have been tediously vetted: every line about Trump has been read in front of a panel of infants, if they cry, the joke is cut. In this vein, the mirrors in the bathrooms of the venue have been swapped with fun house mirrors, such that President Trump can properly view his 195 lbs pure-muscle physique, without the warping effects of reality. Following the monologue, the awards will be given out. The most notable and prestigious being the Fakies™ for Meanest Portrayal of Pres. Trump and Most Unflattering Picture in a Leading Story. All decisions are made by the Anti-Foreign Anti-Press Association.





Guests will be treated to a night of extravagance. Served well-done Trump Steaks™ to which they are encouraged to give delighted exclamations of “Mmmm!” and “This is delicious!” Musical performances include 3 Doors Down, and a special duet from Sean Hannity and Alex Jones, singing a song about the rise of the Deep State, and Hillary Clinton’s Shadow Presidency. The night will close out with a few honest words from the President, encouraging the American people to “Go forth and construct your own reality.” All guests will receive a gift bag with a small Donald Trump action figure, and a pair of News-Cancelling Headphones™ so they may go forward in their lives, free from the burden of reality.







