SCP-L135-J

Item #: SCP-L135-J

Object Class: I'm getting a strong sense of an "E" here. Is there an object class that starts with "E"? Elephant maybe, or Einstein? Eukaryote? Euclid? Yes, okay, yes, it is definitely Euclid, it's very clear now.

Special Containment Procedures: Someone is telling me to "keep it in containment cell C-something…C-something…no maybe it's S-something. Does S-Something sound familiar? S-45? No? S-46? S-47? S-48? Yes, S-48! That's the one.

Description: The voice I'm hearing now is male, I believe. Yes, it's male, somewhat young, but also very wise sounding. They're likely around 9 to maybe 42 years of age, but it's not clear. Does anyone, anyone know someone like that? Maybe a child or middle aged man?

I'm getting the sense that their line of work involves possibly people, or things maybe? People or things? Maybe construction or retail? Yes? You know someone in retail? Oh. Construction? No? Oh they're a con-artist? Yes, that's it, because they work with people, conning them. Yes, they're telling me now that they're definitely a con artist. How old is this person you know? 57? Yeah it's definitely them, they're telling me they are 57 years of age. Okay then.

I'm hearing multiple voices now. Most of them are telling me that this person has some sort of hobby, or ability, or personality, or something like that. Did the person you're thinking of have any of those things? Yes? They were repulsive? Okay, they're telling me that's not quite right, but that seems to be just your opinion. Did they have an ability? Okay. Yes, I can hear them. They're saying that they could affect…things. Does that seem right? I'm getting a word that starts with…R…or maybe a P. Pilot? Were they a pilot? Or maybe paper? Did they work with paper? Yes? Oh they could affect documentation. Yes, that is what they're telling me now, they could affect documentation which is usually on paper. It wasn't on paper? Just electronic documentation? That's right, he's saying they had to move to electronic documentation eventually. Well that's what he's saying, I'm just telling you what he is saying to me. Well maybe you're confused because it sounds like they did have paper documentation at one time, I don't know. I'm just going by what he's telling me.

You there? You know this person as well? You think so? How were you related? Well, I can't do that. I can't just ask them, they have to tell me. No, that's not how this works, honey. I'm sorry, that's not how this works. You there. Yes, you. Did you know this person? I'm getting the sense that you know him. Yes, he's telling me that you work at Starbucks. No, no I didn't. I'm just telling you what he's saying to me. I don't know what you mean by "my people". Nobody was listening to your conversation, that's what he told me, that you work at Starbucks. He also says that you are from Wisconsin. Are you from there? I didn't even notice your accent honey, honestly. I just-no. No. That's what he told me, you barely have an accent there, but I can hear it now, yes. He worked at Starbucks too? Yes that makes sense. No, no, that's not how this works. He is not a loser, he says. He tells me he discovered his power while working at Starbucks in Wisconsin with you. Yes, that's what he's saying, does that mean something to you? No? Well, thank you all so much for sharing this experience, but I'm afraid we're out of time.

Addendum 1: No, I'm sorry. No, see the fine print there? "For entertainment purposes only, no refunds will be given." It's right there in the writing. Yes? I'm sorry, you'll have to contact my lawyer's office if you have further questions. Yes. Director ██████ is his name. Thank you.