I’m sitting here thinking of the past several years and about all of the tragic events that have happened involving senseless violence in schools, at concerts, and out in the general public where people are simply minding their own business only to have their lives cut short. It’s wrong. And while the internet argues and debates about guns, I want to bring in a perspective that while discussed, I feel doesn’t get enough momentum or attention.

I am not a political person – as in, I hate politics. I don’t like to discuss politics, I don’t like to debate with people, if I see someone post their political opinion on social media and I don’t agree, I normally just roll my eyes and carry on with my day. I know a lot of people aren’t like that – they debate; sometimes constructively, sometimes just for the sake of arguing. Where is this getting us? Is this solving these problems? Or are we talking in circles while nothing is done?

So, here I am. Taking to an anonymous post, loading it up with keywords, and hoping that it resonates enough with someone out there to get shared….hoping maybe it rallies people to take a different perspective on these issues, that instead of turning to arguments, we say “Hey, that does maybe make a little sense, all opinions on gun laws aside”.

What do you think of when you hear “My son was just admitted to a mental hospital”?

Do you think “Oh Yikes!”? Or maybe you think of a dingy run down “Insane asylum”? Do images of Halloween pop into your head? Does it scare you to think of visiting one? Does it make you think a little less of the family, or at the very least give you chills? You could be a wonderful person, but still have a bias on mental illness. Does this make you a bad person? No. Not at all. It just means it’s a topic you aren’t used to, or have never had to deal with. It’s strange to you, and you use what culture has given you to form a perspective, and our culture has loaded mental illness to be associated with fear.

I volunteered at a local mental hospital for years. I remember my friends used to say “Isn’t it scary?”, “Aren’t you afraid?”. Afraid of what? The patients who are trying to get help? This is the sad stigma that gets automatically placed on the mentally ill. It is a bias many of us have, and it is unfair. The people I volunteered with were simply human, but they were not well, and they did the brave thing and got help for it.

Look at it this way…when someone has cancer, we feel bad for them. We watch them go through treatments. We rally behind them. We support the family. We do all we can to be their champion. We go to awareness walks, we donate money, we wear pink throughout October, and we hope and pray for a cure.

When someone is mentally ill…..where is that support? If you look at it, it is sort of the same thing. This person has an illness. They are sick, but their sickness is in the mind. But we do not support. We do not rally. We distance ourselves from the family. We don’t want to admit knowing that person for fear of what people may think of us! (And disclaimer, when I say “we” I am not saying every single person out there is like this, just a general “we”).

What if we changed that? What if we changed the conversation around mental illness?

What if instead of viewing those who are ill as some sort of “lesser human”, we rallied for them. We supported them. We applauded them for getting help, for living in a mental hospital, or going to therapy every week? We uplift the families who helped their child get help instead of turning our backs on them? What would happen then?

Would parents maybe say, “My child has been aggressive, it is not normal, and they need help. And that’s okay. It’s okay that my child needs special help, because he/she is mentally ill and that’s FINE.” versus being in denial and saying “NO. My child is perfect!! We do not have mental illness in this family! It’s just a violent phase!! Teenage angst! It’s nothing.”

Would maybe some of those people, who have these violent tendencies and supportive family/friends get help? Would this maybe prevent violent acts from happening? Maybe. I don’t know. It’s a question I am throwing out to the universe and hoping someone hears.

Is this to say I have sympathy in my heart for those who have perpetrated mass shootings or harmed people? No. I personally can’t. And I know a lot of people will read this and say “Well that’s rather counter intuitive to what you wrote!”. To me, they’ve committed that evil and I just can’t, in my heart, forgive them. That’s my personal perspective and certainly does not need to be yours. But, to someone who isn’t well, who says “These thoughts aren’t normal. I need help.” or to a parent who says “My child needs help.”, yes, they deserve to be uplifted because they are brave, and who knows what they may be helping to prevent.

Our society continues to make strides to eliminate bias of people. Let’s keep it going.

We’ve made strides in gay rights, we openly discuss transgenders, we have seen the #MeToo movement giving a typically silenced topic some much needed face time…..but where are we for those suffering from mental health issues?

I know that sometimes being mentally ill, depending on your illness, means you cannot recognize you are mentally ill; you think your thoughts are logical. This isn’t an article about trying to encourage those who are struggling with mental illness to recognize it and solve it themselves, it’s an article hoping that their peers, families, and network around them can maybe help out, recognize the signs, and if possible, get them help and support them. End the stigma, and be a support. Let’s uplift each other as much as we can.

Do I think this is the ultimate answer to solving these problems? No. I know there are a lot of things to consider and it’s not just completely solvable by shouting “FIX GUN LAWS” or “END MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA”. But I do think it’s a piece to the puzzle and worthy of attention.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” – Fred Rogers

Be a helper. Let’s make a change and hope for a better tomorrow.

————————————————————–

OF NOTE: The mental health hospital that I volunteered at has since been torn down and replaced with high end luxury apartments. The places that those who are suffering can go for help are slowly disappearing. What message does this send to them? Think about it.