Breaking: Hazmat On Scene Where College Student May Have Been Exposed To Opposing Worldview

BERKELEY, CA—The University of California, Berkeley campus has been evacuated and a hazardous materials team has quarantined the specific location where a college student may have been exposed to a worldview different from her own early Thursday.

According to firsthand accounts, local freshman Cindi Atherton may have come into contact with a non-progressive opinion when she overheard another yet unidentified student espouse a center-right ideal on a social issue. She then collapsed to the ground, yelling for help.

“I didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late. I heard everything,” an emotional Atherton said as she was checked into a local hospital quarantine unit. “Please send positive aura and universal thoughts of healing my way.”

The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention has become involved and is encouraging caution across the nation’s college campuses.

“We advise all college students nationwide to retreat to official campus safe spaces until authorities manage to locate and eliminate the source of this toxic opinion,” CDC director Thomas R. Frieden said in a statement. “If you or a loved one has been exposed, please call our hotline immediately so health experts can tend to you and a hazmat crew can work to contain and eliminate the threat.”

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