LOS ANGELES, CA — Be advised: Last Jedi director Rian Johnson is open to signing your Star Wars shirts and toys, maybe even pose for a photo, but under no circumstances will he ever discuss your Snoke theory, no matter how well-researched and “mind blowing” it is.

Self-proclaimed Star Wars expert James Falthier discovered this the hard way over the weekend upon spotting the filmmaker at a local car wash.

“He was waiting for his Prius to dry so I walked up to him with a devilish grin on my face, and I just pointed at my shirt over and over again!”

Falthier’s shirt, an original design by FakingStarWars, features an illustration of Snoke along with a provocative slogan inviting people to ask the wearer about their theory regarding the mysterious villain from Disney’s new Star Wars trilogy.

The run-in did not go how Falthier had imagined. Much like the upcoming eighth installment in the Star Wars saga, the car wash episode was darker and weirder.

“He pretended to not even see me, mind you I’m built like a gundark. So I finally spoke, and I said ‘Rian huge fan and I have the best Snoke theory in the galaxy. Please ask me about my Snoke theory. It would mean the world to me and my fan-mily.’ And I got nothing!”

According to the aspiring podcaster and father of four, Johnson continued to ignore him. When the director finally acknowledged being spoken to, he simply mumbled “Wrong guy, chief.” Just as Falthier began apologizing, Johnson’s phone rang and the Imperial March blared over and over again.

“Dude, he was trying to play me. So I says ‘Haha very cool, very cool. Now will you ask me about my Snoke theory?’ and that’s when he snapped.”

Falthier claims Johnson berated him for a solid 3 minutes.

“He told me I suck, my Snoke theory sucks, my shirt sucks, my car sucks, my podcast sucks, my birkenstocks suck, my padawan braid sucks, my tropical cargo shorts suck, my fidget spinner sucks, and something else about me sucks too but I kinda forgot because he kept going and going,” said Falthier.

Despite the scathing reaction, Falthier was unfazed. The former comic shop owner let Johnson finish spewing venom, then politely asked him once again if he would ask about his Snoke theory.

“I waited for him to chill, then pointed at my shirt again. So he asked one of the car wash attendants for a Sharpie, and he scribbled on my shirt. He made it so it says ‘Ask me about my sucky Snoke theory.’ Which is cool and all, but I got the sneaking suspicion that he didn’t like me. He did let me and my step-brother snap a selfie with him though.”

The episode ended with Johnson climbing into his black Prius and flipping Falthier the bird.

“He’s been downgraded to my second favorite Star Wars sequel trilogy director. The sad part is, my Snoke theory would have enlightened him… maybe he sensed it, and was butthurt that it was too late to fix the inferior version he put on film. I dunno. The car wash guys loved my Snoke theory, but I don’t think my Spanish really did it justice.”

Thanks for sending in your story and pics, James! Don’t worry, we’re sure after reading this, everyone will be dying to ask you about your Snoke theory.

If you, too, would like the shirt that triggered Johnson, you can pick one up right here. Wear it and you’re guaranteed to make new friends, and engage in all kinds of weird conversations. As always, keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.

-William “Willybobo” Bobo