Only 35% of the Class of 2017 had sex before coming to college.

Zero self-identifying Mormons in the freshman class have scored.

40% of private school kids, 33% of public schoolers, and 18% of charter school students have lost their virginity.

One out of the class's six homeschoolers has. (You know what? The joke is too easy.)

70% of the freshmens' parents make more than $80k per year.

21% say their parents make over $500k/annually.

68% say they own a Mac, and 70% say they have an iPhone.

10% admit to cheating on an exam.

Less than 1% of the class has tried coke. (How you will you kids ever make it on Wall Street?!)

2% have taken mushrooms. 3% for MDMA.

40% have never tasted an alcoholic beverage. (Except, of course, for that one time Muffy allowed them a sip from her brandy snifter.)