EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Disoriented by the effects of years of violent head trauma, Fox analyst and Dallas Cowboys Hall of Famer Troy Aikman fruitlessly attempted to come up with a Super Bowl memory for an on-air anecdote during Sunday’s broadcast, sources confirmed. “When I was playing in the’94 Super Bowl, I remember Jimmy Jerry was there right when, uh, this thing happened,” said Aikman, pausing momentarily to compose his thoughts and shield his eyes from the bright stadium lights. “There was a field and it was about June, a really hot day. All around the field, guys were everywhere and I was looking at it. It was a big game. Big game…the Super Game.” According to witnesses, Aikman then suddenly perked up and welcomed viewers to the 2014 NFC Championship Game.

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