So today I wake up knowing full well that the Pats Parade is going down, and that this of course means my nemesis Patrick McGillicuddy would be in attendance. For those who might need a refresher, this is Patrick McGillicuddy:

November 2013: Hey whats your name bud? Probably like Patrick McGillicuddy or something right? Well guess what bro? You’re my least favorite person in the history of humankind. I don’t even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you. There is, quite literally, no chance I ever experience the success this kid has already seen as a fan. I’m 30 years in as a miserable loser, probably got another 40 to go. Meanwhile this kid still pisses the bed at night and has seen fucking EIGHT parades.

Maybe this little son of a bitch is the one who sold his soul to the Devil.

#HateHateHate

So fast forward to 2015 and here he is today:

And in every picture I see, he’s never smiling. Not even a smirk. Swear to God the kid is Damien or something. Spawn of Satan. At his 9th parade and cant even smile. Look at this mug:

Its like hes dead behind the eyes. Just won so many championships he doesnt even have emotions anymore. I definitely dont think he has parents. Kid was just raised by a pack of wolves with Lombardi Trophies or some shit. He’s like goddam Belichick. Anyway, I came up with the idea to let the Stoolies create the best of #McGillicuddyVsKFC. I gave twitter this blank sign:

And told them to go nuts. Without further adieu…the best of Patrick McGillicuddy vs. KFC:

The Roommate says “hi” back, Patty.

This is like picture Inception. Pictures that make me suicidal within pictures that make me suicidal.

Hey Numero Two technically we dont know that for sure. Maybe Patty Mac had an ocean accident.

If a parade occurs when you 1…did the parade ever occur at all?

Poor Duncan isnt even human. Doesnt even know what football is. And he’s pulled into the bloodbath.

Hey T.J. jokes on you bro! I’ve had 4 surgeries. Number 5 tomorrow! This sign doesnt make sense! *kills self*

Really funny guys. Kick a man when he’s down mentally and physically

You knew it was coming

My two least favorite people on earth in one picture

Portnoy McGillicuddy tag team is my nightmare

Incorporating the engagement photos…nice touch…

Incorporating the wedding photos is just LOW. Its fucking LOW ok.

Despicably mean. Just mean spirited and cruel.

And maybe the most spiteful of all:

Beltran called third strike mixed with McGillicuddy is a cocktail of death for your boy KFC. One last one…if you know the story…its hands down the funniest one of the day:

And so in the end, it wasnt Portnoy that pushed me over the edge. It wasnt Paulie Playoffs and Hank with Darrelle Revis. It was this 13 year old boy and his sign that sent me into the tailspin. Fuck you McGillicuddy! I hate you! I hate you and hope all the bad things in this world happen to you and only you!

PS – The thought of shitfaced Stoolies running up to this 13 year old kid yelling “MCGILLICUDDY!” in his face and taking pictures with him is hilarious.