Mother’s day is this Sunday. A day where we celebrate the women who loved and cared for us the most throughout our entire lives but what about the important women in our lives who purposefully went out of their way to make our lives a living hell? Don’t these terrible ladies also deserve the same amount of recognition?

In this special installment of AFB’s Top 5, we also brought in Michelle the ANTiFangirl to help us pick who the Top 5 worst mothers are. From a list of many, we put these ladies to the test until we got our five.

Much love this mother’s day also goes out to our dishonorable loser, Lucille Bluth. But enough talk! Let’s point some fingers and require years of therapy over our Top 5 worst moms!

5. Lorraine McFly (Back to the Future)

Devon: More specifically the first Back to the Future iteration of Lorraine. Original 1985 Lorraine is a disinterested, hypocritical and alcoholic mom. She doesn’t like Marty’s gf Jennifer because she “calls boys” where it should be the other way around. She also chastises Linda, her daughter, for wanting to meet boys because SHE never chased boys in high school or got into parked cars with them. Yeah OK! This woman says all this while pounding down her full sized cups of ice and vodka. This is all within 5 minutes of meeting her, and we haven’t even gotten to the worst part yet.

Incest.

Yeah, I know she technically doesn’t know but she has a sense about him and apparently that gets her wetter than future Biff falling into that lake off his hover board. The first thing 50s Lorraine does is strip an unconscious Marty down and look at his man parts, when he wakes she tries to jump his bones pretty much non-stop until the end of the movie. Jesus lady he’s clearly not into you so just back off. She even ends up going to the enchantment under the sea dance with George but even then tries to molest her future unborn son. Only when she finally does kiss him does she get SUPER creeped out and backs off, that or the attempted rape by 50’s Biff.

The only reason she gets sort of a pass here is because A. She really had no idea and B. Marty kept doing awesome things that would make any girl want him, even or especially if it was his mom. Gross.

4. Margaret White (Carrie)



Michelle: Talk about a terrible mother and the villain of Stephen King’s first published novel Carrie. Strict, abusive, consistently throwing Carrie in the “prayer closet” for no reason, while remaining outside to pray for Carrie’s sins. She believes that everything is a sin, even just the body of a woman, which causes one of the most iconic scenes in cinema at the beginning of the film, where she has her period in the girl’s locker room, but has no idea of what’s happening to her. Margaret’s obsession with religion and psychopathic behavior causes Carrie to not be able to fit in at school, society, or to have any friends, causing her to be one of the loneliest characters in film and fiction. Margaret White is such a terrible mother that Carrie develops telekinetic abilities that are caused by the stress of their relationship. And to top all things off, after returning from the prom, and the horrific prank that was played on her, Carrie is stabbed by Margaret.

3. Joan Crawford (Mommie Dearest)



Devon: First of all, the film “Mommie Dearest” probably traumatized me as a child. It was most likely due to the fact that it was the first time that I had ever seen a psycho mom. Without getting too personal, my only experience at that time growing up was that Dad was the scary one who yelled and bitched about things and Mom was the calm one who fed me and read me stories at night. So to realize that mom could act JUST as crazy or even more so than dad was a nightmare scenario for me. I remember being scared that one day my own mom would snap and start beating the shit out of me with wire hangers.

So yeah, Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest is, at times, scarier than any horror movie monster. She was real and a twisted version of what almost all children view as their “safe zone”. This lady is clearly disturbed and while the public adores her behind closed doors she is a whole different person. She mentally and physically abuses her adopted children, screaming and losing her shit over every little thing. Put on moms makeup? That’s a paddlin’. Raise your voice? That’s a paddlin’. Have wire hangers in a 5 mile radius of her house? That’s an atomic level psycho freak out. Seriously, YouTube “Mommie Dearest” and be prepared to give your nice normal mom a hug.

2. Mary (Precious)



Jon: In one word- terrifying. Mary definitely has some mental health issues and that may add to the non-feelgood movie of Precious but she is just downright evil. There is one part where she literally throws Precious’ baby- whom she refers to as Mongo (short for mongoloid) on a couch and then continues to verbally and physically beat on Precious. There are some horrible moms on this list (see: #1) but Mo’nique takes it to another level. The scariest part about Mary is just how real and believable her character is. There is a horror that comes with reality and life for those less fortunate than others and this movie does not hold back. Mary is most definitely the cause for everything wrong in Precious’ life. She allowed Precious’ father to rape her (right beside her), giving her HIV and a child with Down Syndrome. On top of that, she uses Precious and her child to gain more money from welfare. Her abusive nature stems from a psychological issue that she has with jealousy. This is shown in one of her final scenes where she actually admits the motivations behind her actions.

1. Vanessa Brooks (Blade)

Steve: Blade’s mom is essentially the queen bitch of moms. She gives birth to Blade and dies from being bit from a vampire. This is the best thing she ever did for Blade as he thought his mom died as an angel. Unfortunately for The Daywalker, he discovers 31 years later that she’s been slobbin’ on the knob of Frost, his arch-nemesis who killed her in the first place. After this, she flirts with her own son right before forcing him into a weird magical iron maiden to fuel the return of La Magra, a world-ending monstrous vampire blood god. Eventually she just vamps out and tries to rip Blade’s face off and he has to stake his own mother. Just to keep this all in check, Blade’s mom abandons him, tries seducing him, and then attempts to kill him twice before making him feel guilty about having to kill his own mother. Ladies and gentlemen, Vanessa Brooks deserves NOTHING this Mother’s Day. Not even new sheets for her weird ass hyperbaric bed. Save your money, Blade. Get something nice for Whistler on Kris Kristofferson’s Day(June 22nd).