YORK, PA—Enthralling all those around him with the riveting details of his past, sources confirmed Monday that 24-year-old Kevin Laver, a totally and utterly fascinating man, actually attended the same high school as professional basketball player Gordon Hayward. “Yeah, Gordon was in my grade, and we actually had a biology class together sophomore year,” said the captivating man, who only added further intrigue to his unbelievably interesting backstory upon mentioning that Hayward was “really tall, even back then.” “He was obviously the best player on the basketball team, and everyone basically knew he was going to the NBA. One of my buddies was on the team with him, and apparently they still text each other once in a while.” In a further demonstration of his undeniable value as a human being, Laver added that he saw Hayward at a shopping mall two years ago while visiting home for the holidays, but didn’t talk to him.

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