‘Fate of world’ rests on Kinder Morgan pipeline screams sweaty, increasingly desperate Trudeau

Sweating profusely and with a crazed look in his eyes, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau ran onto the lawn of Parliament on Wednesday morning and began screaming towards the western sky.

“The fate of the world rests on this pipeline,” Trudeau told the sky, tearing his necktie off and slamming into the ground.

“Lo, will you heed my warning? Build this pipeline or darkness, shadow, and pain will envelop the land!”

In Alberta, Premier Rachel Notley echoed the Prime Minister’s increasingly desperate and chillingly biblical cries.

“Many nations, the good excepted, will be scoured with want and famine lest this pipeline be built,” she told reporters in a strange, chilling, otherworldly voice before weeping tears of thick, black oil.