O ren Koules has a new show in the works titled The Tortured and, no, it is not another name for the Tampa Bay Lightning, as fitting as it may be.

Koules, a former Major Junior A and minor pro player who grew up in the Chicago area, made his considerable fortune as a Hollywood producer, then used a chunk of it to buy into part ownership of the Lightning.

He has co-produced the string of Saw horror movies, now numbering five, about serial killings. Murderous might also describe his proprietorship so far with the Lightning (along with, among others, ex-NHL player Len Barrie, a Canadian who made it big in B.C. real estate development).

Barry Melrose is said to have been Koules' personal choice as head coach but he is also assumed to have signed off on Melrose's firing Friday after only 16 regular-season games on the job.

Koules was also behind the movie Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd. Which, irresistibly, might describe how all involved are looking – the Lightning has fired two head coaches, Melrose and John Tortorella, since June and has now elevated a man, Rich Tocchet, into the position who is still on probation for his involvement in a sports betting scam. Melrose is owed $2.25 million (U.S.) over three years; Tortorella is still collecting the $1.3 mil' he's owed.

Koules' TV credits include the hit series Two And A Half Men. That's what the Lightning's five skaters have looked like on most shifts in most games this season. Melrose berated them for lack of effort, they responded by giving him more (or less) of the same.

That's two NHL coaches fired already this season, Denis Savard having lasted only four games with the Chicago Blackhawks. (The other day, Savard accepted a position with the team as an "ambassador.") The serial killings continue.

Columnist Joe Henderson of the Tampa Tribune: "It's possible for a franchise to look more foolish than the Lightning do right now, but then again maybe not. They should abandon the Forum for a circus tent. In the league of serious people, these are the guys with big red noses that honk and squirt water." ... Gary Shelton, writing in the St. Petersburg Times: You work 16 games, and what do you get? Evidently, a fresh pink slip and a severance check."

AND FURTHERMORE: Seeing as he is likely to get a contract worth more than $137 million (U.S.), what does the CC in CC Sabathia stand for anyway? Cold Cash? In fact, it's Carsten Charles. ... Carmelo Anthony and LeBron James both admit to having some Barry Manilow tunes on their iPods. Do you? ... The Montreal Canadiens may be owned by an American, but the Toronto Maple Leafs will soon be run by a pair of them, Brian Burke and Ron Wilson. What would Conn Smythe have thought of that? Harold Ballard? ... Sage Rosenfels, good with math, knows he was a long shot to be named the Houston Texans' starting quarterback: "I have been a backup for eight years. So, if there's 32 teams in the league times eight years, that's 256 times that teams have said, 'This guy is not our starter.' So, yeah, I think there are some (detractors) out there." ... Topps, the sports trading cards company, is putting out a line of Barack Obama cards, 90 in all. Will there be more to mark his rookie year as President? ... The Vicktory Dogs Wine Collection, with some profits tabbed for charity, features portraits of 22 dogs confiscated from Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennels. The dogs are now living at the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Utah.



