ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“This breed is basically like owning a vintage Alfa Romeo,” laughed the vet.

“They’re born half-fucked and they slowly get fully fucked. Don’t get me wrong, I love all dogs but it’s the French Bulldogs that put my kids through private school, I tell you. Somethings always wrong with them. Fucking ear drops, eye drops, skin irritations,”

“You name it, these dogs get it. It’s sad for me AND the owner when the Frenchie comes in the for the last time, absolutely peppered with the Spanish dancer. The gravy train is over.”

Nestled on the fringe of the Betoota Grove shopping village, Dr Melissa Grace’s veterinarian practice enjoys a humble trade.

As the go-to vet for our town’s well-heeled residents, Grace said her job is incredibly rewarding both financially and emotionally.

But, she admits, it can be tough at times.

“When a hardy breed comes in like a kelpie or cattledog, you think to yourself, ‘There’s no margin in this for me,’ and you just have to sigh,”

“But when you first meet a frenchie puppy and it’s already about to kick the bucket, you just have to quietly cheer to yourself. This’ll pay off half my new Passat stationwagon. Fuck yes.”

More to come.