It’s a tale as old as time—girl meets boy, girl wants boy to know that her lady business is open for business—and business is booming. How does a lady with a tough-cookie pussy let a cute guy understand, in a super classy way, that she’s interested, and also that her snatch can accommodate all the D from all the angles and at all the speeds? Let us help, you queen V. Here’s how to tell a guy about your hungry, durable downstairs.

The Baseball Mitt

When things are about to get hot and heavy and the two of you are discussing prophylactics, pull out an old baseball mitt and throw a ball into it real hard and repetitively for a few minutes. Your guy will get the hint that you’re an extra tough lady with an extra tough twat, and will proceed appropriately. You’re ready for those fast pitches!

Wine, Dine, and Gyne

One way to tell him you have the bearded clam of a woolly mammoth is to invite him over for a hot meal—emphasis on hot. A home-cooked dinner date is the traditional way to let a fellow know you’d like to bone with some power behind it. Pound a chicken breast with a mallet, over and over again, while looking him in the eye until things get weird. You’ll be vag-deep in hardcore dong in no time!

Use Your Online Presence

If you’d like to try a more direct approach, text him a link to your YouTube page. Post steamy videos of large trains speeding into tunnels, giant oil pumps thrusting into the Earth, and your reading of your original erotica called “Deirdre Meets the Mayor of Poundtown.” If your guy just isn’t getting the hint about what a robust puss you have, this is the clearest way forward. He’ll be varsity-dicking you in no time!

The Jackhammer Approach

Another way to subtly let him know about your indestructible hoo-ha is to do some serious construction on his driveway. While you handle that enormous piece of equipment, say, “B-b-boy, I s-s-sure like these b-b-blasts!” Discretion is key—you don’t want to sound desperate, just because you like it deep and dirty and at a level that is physically dangerous for most women. Also, you want to act playful and innocent in case he’s annoyed that you just tore apart his driveway. Get ready for that revenge fuck!

It’s really too bad nobody gives award for a pocket rocket stronger than Andre the Giant. Having a trophy to show on a first date would take the guesswork right out of this situation. But with a little subtlety, some construction equipment, and a good stretch beforehand, you can still make all your rough-riding dreams come true. And his, obviously…if he has the stamina.