You are paying for this red wine, right? (Picture: KatarzynaBialasiewicz)

I have something to admit.

Despite being a feminist and despite being more than capable of affording my own dinner, I still want a man to pay for me on dates.

The first time I realised this was during a date in Islington.

We’d been chatting on Match.com when he asked me out to lunch.


At first it seemed perfect – there he was, waiting for me at the Tube turnstiles, chatting as if we were old friends then leading me to a lovely book shop/cafe.

Why women should never go halves on a date – Video response

The barista asked us both what we wanted.

He replied quickly ‘coffee’ and paid for his. I had to buy my own chamomile tea.



No, I did not reply to his subsequent emails.

Look. I can afford my own tea. But, as one male friend later put it ‘if he can’t be bothered to do that he can’t be that bothered about you.’

Paying for a women on a date has nothing to do with feminism.

To me, it’s a way for a man to show, very clearly, that he likes you. Enough to try to impress you. Enough to make some effort.

On a bigger scale, it’s a way for a man to prove he will be a good boyfriend – thoughtful, kind, generous and supportive.

Of course relationships are not one-way streets. Many women earn more than their partners and end up being the ones supporting their family financially in the long-run.

But that initial gesture of paying for a simple dinner, a lunch or a tea signals an intention to support you, as well as showing that they come from a good family that values manners.

In short, it says ‘I like you and I’d like to look after you.’

Relationships are about mutual support.

Sometimes we are so proud of ourselves and our hard-won independence I think we forget that.

Only a total relationship novice would argue that people don’t need support from their partner sometimes – emotional, mental and, yes, sometimes financial. And, of course, they give it back in return.

This emphasis on going Dutch from the start makes my heart sink.

How exactly is a man supposed to sweep you off your feet if he can’t buy you dinner and roses any more?

Of course, if you’re simply looking for sex, not a partner, why are you bothering with dinner at all?

There are enough hook up websites around to make meeting up for drinks (who cares who pays?) then ‘fun’ absurdly easy.

One final note – to those men complaining about how much dating is costing them in London I say three things.

1. It doesn’t take much research to find nice restaurants or coffee shops to suit your budget.

2. Be more discerning in the number of women you ask out. If you don’t like her enough to buy her dinner you don’t like her enough to be her boyfriend.



3. If women, on our still unequal wages, can afford to buy nice outfits, make up, shoes, hair dos and the cost of prebooking a taxi in case you turn out to be a sex pest, then you can afford to buy us dinner.

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