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The problem is that "My Name Is," Em's hit song, conjured up such delightful images as stapling a pedophile teacher's nuts to a stack of papers and inserting one's cock into a gentlemen's club's tip cup.

Then Came the Censors:

If Eminem were to become the poster child that years of criminal activity had undoubtedly prepared him to be, he needed to clean up his act. Thus, his label forced him to record an almost completely new song. And voila! Unlike the rape-obsessed psychopath his lyrics once evoked, the new Slim had turned into someone who was simply annoying, a meddling juvenile delinquent.

For instance, the lyrics "I don't give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off" became "I don't give a damn, Dre sent me to tick the world off." While the former is scarily reminiscent of an angry school shooter, the latter seems to instead suggest "I, a God-fearing individual that believes 'tick off' is totally legitimate slang, am upset."

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"Dear world, prepare to be ticked off.

Sincerely, Marshall Mathers, age (2)7"

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In addition, where he previously rapped about his desire to murder his father, the new Eminem wonders if Mr. Mathers "bought a porno mag and seen my ad," evoking both a less violent and a far more sexually communicative relationship with his dad. And if you're wondering, dear reader, his old man did buy that magazine, and he did see his ad. And he felt very proud.