The Anatomy of

Economic Precipitation

Trickle-Down Economics is when poor people who die from obesity and no healthcare are liquefied and fed intravenously to their young, like in The Matrix. It is a government subsidized program and is perfectly legitimate.

Many argue that Trickle-Down Economics is a half-baked excuse for the top 1% to shirk on their taxes, while others consider it to be yet another grace of the free market. America is one of the only countries where poor people are fed intravenously to their young by way of a complex tubular irrigation system, which is even more like in The Matrix than in other countries. In the Third World, children must scoop the liquified poor out of cholera-ridden puddles, since they cannot afford to purchase the distilled version sold by Dasani in local villages.

In order to better understand Trickle-Down Economics, we must first grasp its place in the greater context of Economic Precipitation, as a corollary to The Evaporation Effect.

The Evaporation Effect begins when poor people are placed in an situation of sufficient pressure—such as a sweatshop or welfare office, or having to tell their kid they won’t be going to college. When the poor are placed in such environments, heat energy is accumulated from their weary lives of toil and suffering, eventually causing their particles to combust and evaporate into the atmosphere.

Then, through an elaborate distillation method patented exclusively by Monsanto, the particles are reconstituted into liquid and stored in a reservoir where illegal immigrants stir and stir the mixture with big paddles in a non-air-conditioned warehouse for $1.67 a day.

Sometimes the warehouse workers take a piss in the reservoir because they aren’t furnished with an employee bathroom, or one of them falls in and burns to death. It is said that one time Ronald Reagan himself visited the warehouse. He told everyone to call him “Ron,” then addressed the workers all by name, presenting each one with a box of fancy cigars and a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Then, he extracted himself from his britches and took a shit in the vat. It’s also said that no sooner had he evacuated his bowels, swift and silent as the night, than he was standing in his very own britches and having a hearty laugh over cigars with Esposito, the foreman of the warehouse. Reagan then recruited the top scientists to maintain a live culture of his evacuations in the Warehouse to this day, so that they can add a little bit to each batch and ensure that it is a true product of “Reagonomics.”

When the contents of the vat are ready, they are siphoned into a complex tubular irrigation system and fed intravenously to the young, everyday more and more like in The Matrix. It works out perfectly and is the cycle of creation and destruction as God intended it. Only children of poor people consume the liquid intravenously, of course. This way, poor people can be totally self sufficient and really make their way in the world, in the true spirit of fronteirsmanship.