MITT ROMNEY (10/16/12): And I know he keeps saying, you wanted to take Detroit bankrupt. Well, the President took Detroit bankrupt. You took General Motors bankrupt. You took Chrysler bankrupt. ... That was precisely what I recommended and ultimately what happened.

So the big question would be, which version of Barack Obama would respond. The first debate's Sleepytime McGillicuddy, or Pretty Talk Jones?



BARACK OBAMA (10/16/12): Candy, what Governor Romney said just isn't true.

IT'S ALIVE!!!!!! Wooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Yes, President Barack Obama decided to attend this debate. And the two candidates could finally have a truthful substantive discussion about how much they fucking hate each other.



10/16/12: BARACK OBAMA: Governor, we have actually produced more oil -- MITT ROMNEY: No, no, how much did you cut licenses and permits on federal land and federal waters? .... BARACK OBAMA: ... we can actually make a profit. MITT ROMNEY: And production on private — on government lands is down. BARACK OBAMA: And production is up. No it isn't. MITT ROMNEY: Production on government land of oil is down 14 percent. BARACK OBAMA: Governor.... MITT ROMNEY: And production of gas is down 9 percent. BARACK OBAMA: What you're saying is just not true. .... MITT ROMNEY: You'll get your chance in a moment. I'm still speaking. BARACK OBAMA: Well, Governor, if you.... MITT ROMNEY: And the answer is, I don't believe people think that's the case because I.... BARACK OBAMA: If you're asking me a question, I'm going to answer it. MITT ROMNEY: It wasn't a question.

I believe you meant to add "motherfucker". It wasn't a question, motherfucker.

Romney was sharp, and drew blood.



MITT ROMNEY (10/16/12): He said that by now we'd have unemployment at 5.4%. The difference between where it is and 5.4% is 9 million Americans without work.

BARACK OBAMA (10/16/12): Governor Romney was for an assault weapons ban before he was against it. ... Governor Romney doesn't have a five-point plan; he has a one-point plan. ... The math doesn't add up. ... I don't look at my pension. It's not as big as yours. ... Governor, you're the last person who is going to get tough on China.

Romney, also... Romney had some other issues.



MITT ROMNEY (10/16/12): I don't believe that bureaucrats in Washington should tell someone whether they can use contraceptives or not.

MITT ROMNEY (2/29/12): Of course I support the Blunt Amendment. I thought he was talking about some state law that prevented people from getting contraception. ... So I talked about contraceptives and so forth. I really misunderstood the question.

And Romney had some odd moments, like when describing his efforts as Governor to approve more women for Cabinet positions.



MITT ROMNEY (10/16/12): I went to a number of women's groups and said, can you help us find folks? And they brought us whole binders full of women.

Couple of things. One, the women's group was called MassGAP, and they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around. And two, my guess is they did not refer to what they presented as "whole binders full of women". But perhaps referred to it as "a well-organized collection of qualified résumés".

But hey, binder of women, book of broads, notebook of nipples, whatever! Whatever! (wild audience laughter)

But of course, Mitt Romney still had an ace in the hole: the Obama administration's confused handling of the consulate attack in Libya that killed four Americans.



MITT ROMNEY (10/16/12): It was a terrorist attack. And it took a long time for that to be told to the American people. Whether there was some misleading or instead whether we just didn't know what happened, I think you have to ask yourself, why didn't we know five days later when the Ambassador to the United Nations went on TV to say that this was a demonstration? How could we have not known?

BARACK OBAMA (10/16/12): The day after the attack, Governor, I stood in the Rose Garden and I told the American people and the world that we are going to find out exactly what happened, that this was an act of terror, and I also said that we're going to hunt down those who committed this crime.

MITT ROMNEY (10/16/12): I think it's interesting the President just said something, which is that on the day after the attack he went in the Rose Garden and said that this was an act of terror.

10/16/12: BARACK OBAMA: That's what I said. MITT ROMNEY: You said in the Rose Garden the day after the attack it was an act of terror? It was not a spontaneous demonstration? BARACK OBAMA: Please proceed. MITT ROMNEY: Is that what you're saying? BARACK OBAMA: Please proceed, Governor.

There's your first clue. When you feel you're about to spring what you, Governor Romney, think is the checkmate moment of the debate, and your debate opponent says to you, "Please. Proceed." (wild audience cheering and applause) "Hold on. Are you trying to open that door? Allow me to open it wider, the door that you appear to want to walk through." But when your opponent does that, you might want to take a breath and wonder if, à la Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, that door your opponent is pointing to is merely paint on a rock.



10/16/12: BARACK OBAMA: Please proceed, Governor. MITT ROMNEY: I want to make sure we get that for the record, because it took the President 14 days before he called the attack in Benghazi an act of terror. BARACK OBAMA: Get the transcript. CANDY CROWLEY: He did, in fact, sir. So let me call it an act of terror in the Rose Garden. BARACK OBAMA: Can you say that a little louder, Candy? (debate audience applauds) CANDY CROWLEY: He used the word... he did call it an act of terror. It did, as well....

Can you say it a little louder, Candy? Can you say it a little louder? Now just the ladies! Can the ladies say it? Can I get a "what, what"? Please, Governor Romney, proceed.

It was that kind of night for Romney. And the evidence of Obama's victory and resurgence was everywhere post-debate. MSNBC no longer seemed suicidal, CNN, of course, looked to be shooting a virtual dick in a box video...

(uncontrollable audience laughter)

and of course, Fox News... well....

