I'm not one of those people who watches Toddlers & Tiaras and wrings her hands over what these kids are put through. Yes, I sit and totally pass judgment on these people, as I do with most subjects on reality TV, but mostly I enjoy the kitsch and glitz the kiddie pageants supply. In fact, I like living in a world where they exist, mostly because it gives me something to laugh at. And I also think that there are kids out there who genuinely enjoy pageants and all they bring with them, like the attention in the spotlight, the makeup, the costumes, the routines, and even the spray tans. (One girl featured last night was so pumped to finally be able to wear a the false teeth known as a flipper, which she referred to as her "life dream.")


But that's not the case with 3-year-old Kayla, who literally kicked and screamed her way through every step of the process, like hair and makeup, rehearsals, and putting on her costume. Her mother thought it would be a good idea to have the toddler perform a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader routine, complete with booty shorts and a halter top that also happened to have a plunging neckline. For some reason, one of her moves required her to go backward on her hands and feet, spread her legs and present her crotch to the crowd.

The kicker is that Kayla—sexy routine, bad attitude and all—ended up winning the Grand Supreme title. She had a tantrum on stage during crowning and threw the money she won on the floor.