NEW YORK – With Christmas on the way, it seems President-elect Donald Trump is wrapping up his infamous “Thank You” tour. On this tour, Trump has going around the United States to express his gratitude exclusively to those states and counties which he won. With his apocalyptic inauguration looming in the distance, Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s former campaign manager and now “Counselor to the President,” announced that Trump will be saving his last stop to his most passionate and hardworking supporters: The IT Department at the Kremlin.

“Mr. Trump feels it necessary to thank everyone who worked hard to help him get to where he is today,” said Conway. “Sure, seven inbred, overweight, electric-wheelchair confined families intimidated people not to vote, thereby helping our odds. However, nobody worked harder than these eight neckbeard IT hobbits housed in barracks under the Kremlin did. We are excited to come to Moscow to thank them and their boss, President Putin.”

Putin’s response was unsurprising.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” said Putin sternly from behind his desk, motioning towards his security guards to kill our Supreme Reporter after the interview. “Sure, 17 different intelligence agencies in your country ruled that without a doubt, our government interfered with your election. But your CIA has been interfering with the elections of sovereign nations for years, so even if we did, I don’t see the problem.”

He then stood, zipped his pants up, and left the room hurriedly. From under his desk crawled Donald Trump himself, who wiped his mouth with a handkerchief and popped in a stick of gum. “What?” he exclaimed, wiping the taste of a man who eats too much pickled herring and not enough fruit from his mouth.”This is what a Thank-You tour is! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to Virginia to say thanks to FBI Director James Comey.”