Mother’s Day, one of our nation’s major flower-sending holidays, is coming soon. We don’t want to shame the industry over a whole new bouquet of crappy flower deliveries, but it’s inevitable every year. This May, we’re kicking off the festivities early with 1800Flowers, which is seemingly unable to send Lucy’s mom any tulips that aren’t dead.

It’s actually Lucy’s daughter who sent the flowers: she lives in a different state, but Lucy and her mother live in the same city. The grandmother, who is in her eighties, recently was hit by a car and sustained only minor injuries. (Yay!) Her granddaughter decided to send a pretty plant to cheer her up. Instead, what 1800Flowers sent was a reminder that death stalks us at every turn.

Here’s what was supposed to arrive:

Now, the plant isn’t supposed to arrive in bloom: it blooms in a few weeks. “Don’t think this baby is going to bloom,” Lucy observes. Nope.

Maybe it was going to sprout after delivery, and these tulips were just a little slow? Well…here’s that original plant a week after delivery:

Naturally, the granddaughter was horrified when she saw a picture of the flowers that showed up. 1800Flowers sent a coupon and promised to re-deliver a live plant. Here’s what she got:

Lucy describes it as octopus-like, “yellow with shriveled buds.” In relative terms, it is more alive than the original plant. It has leaves and buds! Dead-looking ones, but it’s an improvement.

Now, the granddaughter awaits her refund from 1800Flowers, and her grandmother has two new pots that look like mini fancy wastebaskets. Maybe she can put a living plant in them.