I apologize in advance for knowing nothing about the free version; I saw the title, a screen of the title page, and instantly dropped a dollar to see what in the living hell a game with a title like this would entail, without reading a detail about it. Credit to @androidcentral for bringing this gem to light.

What is the first thing you think about, when you contemplate the potential meaning of ‘Willy Wiener and the Tunnel of Doom’? I know my immediate reaction was ‘Zounds! I must away to rescue yon pastry maiden!’ and if you thought anything other than that, you probably are some sort of deviant. The music at the title screen is a catchy, jaunty sounding piano track reminiscent of black and white silent movies. Love the India Jones font! Our antagonist, listed as “Dr. Mephisto Maplebar, the Evil Donut Magician” even comes complete with handlebar mustache and top hat. I liked it. I decided to just dive in and play.

After an incredibly amusing, charming, and brief cutscene, in which our hero weenie is liaising with his lady donut, interrupted, and sent on a fiery trip to hell by the evil eclair, the screens above are what happen. You’re falling. Down a tunnel. Doom is around you in the form of little devils and flames. You need to tilt the phone from side to side to steer your intrepid meat-man clear of the doom and into coins, a rare gem, hearts, and coins. In order to pass through the level, you must acquire a certain amount of coins, snag a gem, and not die for a predetermined amount of time. As you fall, every 20 seconds, you begin to fall a little faster. It’s kind of fun and enjoyable – the first time.

This is poorly masked foreboding.

After annihilating the requirements necessary to pass the tunnel stage well before dying (the controls work really well, and after a few trial runs I began to find it rather easy), I finally die in a little fire. From there, I see the screens above; first, the nifty newspaper gag screen showing my score, and then the screen demonstrating that the next round was Angry Birds-style. Here are the what-in-the-actual-fark screens from what follows:

So, yeah. The next round involves you flinging our Willy through some coins, over a whirring saw blade, and into the waiting hole of our feminine pastry goal. You get three attempts to do this, and doing it in less attempts and collecting more coins on the way means more points. The sound effects during these drag-and-fling rounds? Hilarious. Hot dog and donut giggle their way off-screen, towards whatever follows in their unholy union, and you boggle at the screen while it shows you your score and escorts you to the next level.

Unfortunately, the next level is… exactly the same. You fall through the exact same tunnel after a cool cutscene, do the same exact thing, with exactly the same goals. This is the most unfortunate aspect of the game, because it does this EVERY LEVEL for 8 levels. There is little to no variation in the tunnel parts.

Playing through the first time, you are into it; the second time a little less, and by the third time through you are simply getting the goals as quickly as possible just to move on. The music which was enjoyable at first becomes grating as it loops and loops. The game is OpenFeint enabled, so you can post your highscores, but in my playthrough I had absolutely no desire to play the same level repeatedly just to wag my dong on a glorified message board. Mercifully, after every tunnel, there’s a new fling to perform, and they can be quite challenging.

All said, with the exception of the monotonous tunnel portions of each level, I was satisfied with my dollar purchase with this game, and would buy it again. The characters are funny, and the final level is just wacky enough to blow your mind and make you crack up laughing. I don’t want to ruin the game for anybody, so spoiler spoiler….See some screens of the last level and the ending at the bottom of the post, if you really want to.

THE TL;DR:

Very funny, oddly charming characters and music – perfectly priced at one dollar.

Entirely too short, and little to no variety in the tunnel portion of the levels.

Eye-watering and challenging drag-and-fling levels.

You may wonder what the developer was smoking, and want some.