Coming from China, I’m intimately familiar with the word ‘butt-licking.’

At times I used the word ‘butt-licking’ in Australia (where I live). Once, an affectionate and forgiving friend remarked that I may have confused ‘butt-kissing’ with ‘boot-licking’, and in my confusion I created a surprising portmanteau with the worse part of each word. At another time, another equally affectionate and forgiving friend accommodated my ‘error’ by saying, “Yeah, who doesn’t? We all butt-lick bosses, shareholders and customers.” But most of my other friends would just laugh out loud and couldn’t put it off.

Lovely though my friends are, they all missed the point. I use this word specifically and only for communist party overlords (and sometimes party-like lords). This man gets it:

The photo above shows an anti Hongkong-protest protester (literately, he was protesting the original protests, or counter-protesting) displaying a banner which read, ‘Kneel down and lick your master’s ass.’

A cultured origin

The Chinese language doesn’t lack words for ‘butt-kissing’ or ‘boot-licking,’ and the phrase ‘butt-licking’ (舐菊), is not a variation of either of them — it’s a cultural gem. Like every other cultural gem you would randomly encounter in learning Chinese, its roots run deep in that it dates to thousands of years ago. Indeed, it originates from 舐腚, a variation of 舐痔 (which originated from ancient text 列御寇) written by the famous wisecracking philosopher Chuang Tzu (庄子).

This book is the origin of butt-licking

Chuang Tzu lived and taught philosophy in central China around the time Socrates lived and taught similarly. It was a time of warring states and warring philosophers. Philosophical ideologies came to a head as kings fought one another. One of these kings would eventually become the first emperor and build the Terracotta Army. One of the philosophers prevailed in China for the 2,000 years that followed — you will find out who he is later.

Chuang Tzu’s ancient text read as follows:

Chuang Tuz’s fellow countryman, Mr. Cao, was fortunate enough to have his King send him on an errand for the neighbouring King of Qin. (Fun fact: a successive King of Qin ordered the famous Terracotta Army.) The King was pleased with him and gifted him 100 beautiful carriages. Mr. Cao bragged to Chuang Tzu about this gift, saying,

“I will never be as good as you are in teaching philosophy and staying poor with content. Instead, it turns out I’m good at visiting formidable kings and getting beautiful gifted carriages in return.”

To which Chuang Tzu responded,

“I heard the King of Qin suffered from hæmorrhoid. He rewarded his servants who would lick his butt, relieving his pain, at the price of five carriages per lick. How many times did you lick the King’s butt?”

Readers who are unfamiliar with Chuang Tzu’s satire would find his anti-authoritarianism baffling. To put the story in context, Chuang Tzu was an ardent opponent of Confucius — whose budding philosophy would later prevail in China for two millennia. He feared that a Confucian respect for leadership and social ladder based on mutual love (孝悌) would lead to its opposite — tyranny and cruelty. He told fables — made-up anecdotes — to warn people of the coming tyranny and cruelty. The story above is one of them. And unfortunately, history would later justify Chuang Tzu’s fear.

A Confucian respect for leadership and social ladder based on mutual love (孝悌) would lead to its opposite — tyranny and cruelty. — Chuang Tzu

The real meaning of butt-licking

It’s tempting to regard butt-licking a grosser version of bootlicking. But there is an essential differentiating point about butt-licking, and it is this:

‘BUTT-LICKING IS A PRIVILEGE.’

Refer to Chuang Tzu’s anecdote above. Notice that Mr. Cao was not just acting in servitude — he was bragging about it. What was he bragging about? The carriages? They’re nice, yes but bragging about them would be like bragging about winning the lottery — that could happen to anyone willing to try their hand at it.

Reread the beginning of the story carefully. Mr. Cao was sent on an errand for the King of Qin. Not everyone has that kind of access to the King’s butt. Mr. Cao did, however… and when the opportunity for butt-licking presented itself, he not only took it, but was rewarded for taking it. That’s what he’s bragging about. He was basically saying,

“I have the privilege of licking the King’s butt. You don’t.”

It’s the equivalent of modern-day Trump-speak. “I’m the President. You’re not.”

It’s all about privilege.

The not-so-subtle meaning of butt-licking is also in the imagery it evokes. If you want to lick someone’s boot, you can get on your knees and make it quick. (The person wearing the boot may stomp you in your head, but still.) If you want to lick someone’s butt, he must pull down his pants first. Certainly, not everyone is pleasant enough or deemed sufficiently loyal to get the mighty King of Qin to pull his pants down. Just so you know, multiple attempts were made on the life of a successive King of Qin, as depicted in the movie ‘The Emperor and the Assassin’. For some, therefore, being able to lick the King’s butt is nothing short of an honour.

The key takeaway from what I’ve said is this: Boot-licking is just an attitude. Butt-licking, on the other hand, is a ‘privilege’ you must earn. Comparing boot-licking with butt-licking is like comparing ‘working hard as a high schooler’ and ‘working hard as an Ivy League student.’

Butt-licking today

Perhaps it’s because the Chinese are highly competitive that boot-licking no longer gets you anywhere in China’s Party-centric system — the queue is too long! What you need nowadays is the Chinese equivalent of an ‘American Express Centurion’ membership and use that to jump the queue. Strange as it may sound, the right to lick butts is something everyone wants, yet only a few ever get. It’s so exclusive that there are actual butt-licker clubs, membership of which will be outside your reach unless butt-licking privilege is accorded to you.

To explain this privilege, I’ll use a true story of my own. Back when I lived in China, I helped my family (who worked in the medical industry) to make an American friend. One day, in the family home, we were sitting in the guest room. Strewn across the guest room table were marketing materials from Western and Chinese pharmaceutical companies.

The materials from the Western pharmaceutical companies are straightforward in their language. For example, one of the materials read, “Do you know that 30% of people have an intolerance of something? Find out what might get you into a dangerous allergic situation with this $30 test procedure.”

One of the Chinese materials was from Buchang Pharma. On its cover, it read,

“Buchang Pharma — Obey the Party” (歩长制药 — — 听党的话)

The material’s cover photo is of a warm handshake between the CEO and a member of the party leadership. I translated these materials while I was there. The American friend asked,

“Why would ‘Obey the Party’ be on a business oriented booklet?”

To understand that, he needs to understand butt-licking privilege, so I replied,

“If you run a small business, like a corner drug store, you would do no good by advertising for the Party. The Party will not give you any special privilege for advertising it, nor will it punish you for not advertising it. You’re self-sufficient until you’re not. If you get customers, you run a business. If you lose to the competition, you close the business. Closed businesses are irrelevant to the Party.”

I continued, “However, if you grow big enough as a business in China, you’ll need permission to grow even bigger. That’s when obeying the Party makes a difference. Suppose you own a company of 5,000 employees. Naturally, the Party will demand its committees be allowed entry therein; it will require the business to collaborate in Government-led projects; it will be compelled to support the Party when it announces new rules, regulations, etc. Sometimes, you get to help the officials with their special needs, like bribing Ivy League colleges for a position for their son or daughter. The Party leaders would not go to a convenience store owner for help if they needed something to be done. They go for the big and influential business owners.”

“Therefore, advertising that you Obey the Party means you have grabbed their attention with your success and earned their ‘respect,’ so telling others to ‘Obeying the Party’ would mean something. It implies you are big and influential; a willing assistant of the Party leaders. It’s equivalent of saying, ‘I own a pharmaceutical company and have butt-licking privilege. Others don’t.’”

Mr. Cao licked the King of Qin’s butt and was rewarded 100 carriages. None of his contemporaries even got the chance.

Once I finished speaking, my western friend looked bewildered — I thought it best to end the conversation there. I don’t think he understood what I was saying. Since then, I longed for a visual illustration to make him understand. Yesterday, it came to me in the form of a youtube video:

In this video, a group of Chinese people drives by a group of Hong Kong protesters, in a Ferrari. One of them shouts to the protesters, “You’re too poor to protest!”

Some of the protesters were bemused. Others were shocked. I was neither, because I knew the man was simply exercising his butt-licking rights.

Oh, and he was waving China’s national flag at the time.

About China’s national flag

Being ethnically Chinese and an unquenchable drinker of the well of Chinese culture, I find the Chinese national flag the Chinese thing I identify with the least. Allow me to explain why.

China’s national flag

The star on the upper-left of the flag represents the Party, namely, the Communist Party of China. The four stars around it represents the fellowship following The Party. It is meant to be an expression of the solidarity. The red-carpet backdrop represents the blood shed by those who sacrificed to pave the way for The Party, the nameless heros of the new China.

I’d like to take a creative spin and use the flag to demonstrate the current social structure in China:

China flag interpreted, with “kneel down and lick my ass” quoted from the anti-protest-protester.

The big star represents the Party. The 4 stars, really, are the butt-lickers on the Ferrari-driving-social-ladders enjoying benefits from the leadership. Ordinary citizens are but nameless pixels in the red ocean of competition, who don’t have access to the King’s butt to lick, but who nevertheless kneel-bargain and struggle in desperate hope, wishing that their servitude would be noticed and valued.

If you think I’m going too far with the creative spin, observe how many Chinese suffering under the Party’s tyranny are eager to impose that same tyranny on the Hongkongers.