1. “Fixer-upper filled with promise!”

This is how the Denny Party started out.

2. “Bucolic street!”

The neighbor’s chickens don’t give a damn about your sleep schedule.

3. “Urban living!”

Parking can be found two neighborhoods over. Sometimes.

4. “Welcome to So-SoDo!”

Make this semi-functional warehouse a warehome.

5. “Scenic commute!”

You will see plenty of scenery, very slowly, on your daily two-hour grind.

6. “Cozy!”

Apodment.

7. “You’ve never seen so much natural sunlight!”

You’ll never see much natural sunlight.