By the Committee for the Expansion and Advancement of Viennese as the Internationally Recognized World Language

Edited by Scott Rhoades

Acknowledgements

English phrases: Robin Anderson, Todd Freter, Susan Purcell, Scott Rhoades

Viennese phrases: Martin Frischherz, Christian Guertler, Wolfgang Howurek, Franz Hrazdira, Sgt. Blumenkraft

Introduction

"I'm sorry. I don't speak Weanerisch."

That will be the sign of the uncultured individual in the not-so-distant future. As Viennese, or Weanerisch as the culturally sophisticated say, moves in giant steps toward becoming the internationally recognized world language, those unfortunate sould who cannot speak it will be at a great disadvantage in the work place, the bookstore, the media, and in cultural circles. The person who can't speak Weanerisch will be branded as old-fashioned (oidvadrisch) and unhip. This phrasebook is intended to keep you on the cutting edge of society, and will help guarantee that your datebook and dance card will be full well into the next century.

But what is Weanerisch, and how has it come to replace English as the world language. Well, according to E.A. Powidl, world-famous Schlawinistiker, Weanerisch is simply nothing less than the whole reason language was invented. "Everything in the realm of languages," Powidl says, "has merely been a cobblestone in the road toward the perfect language. Sanskrit, Greek, Latin, Yiddish--all of these languages were mere building blocks. Unfortunately, the world has taken a step backward in the last century by accepting the language of Great Britain, but that is all changing now. People are finally realizing that there is no language more expressive, more full of wit and charm, more perfectly suited to the Age of Communication, than the language of Vienna. And where language leads the way, culture is sure to follow."

Now, armed with this book, the American can learn the phrases that will enable him to move with the times, to keep up with the Mayers and the Hubers. Sure, there have been other phrase books, but never before has a phrasebook contained so many typically American phrases. Instead of the usual "how do you get to" phrases (although we've thrown some of those in for good measure), this book includes more typical American words and phrases, like "Where is the nearest gun shop" and "You can't talk to me like that! I'm an American, dammit!"

The lists of phrases are divided into categories. The phrases are presented in three forms. The first form contains the American phrase. The second form contains the Weanerisch phrase. The third form contains the Weanerisch phrase the way an American would pronounce it. Note that the hyphens in the third column are meant merely to help the American newcomer to the world language recognize the different parts of word and help with the prununciation; they are not meant to indicate pauses or other breaks in the speech patterns.

The phrases were compiled by a team of American and Austrian scholars. The Americans made a list of typical American phrases. The Austrians each translated the American into Weanerisch. The editor chose his favorites from each Austrian scholar, often combining the work of two or more Austrians into a single phrase. You might notice variations in spelling and pronunciation. Those millions of us who have trouble spelling even the simplest words will be relieved to learn that in our new language, spelling seldom matters--yet another reason why Weanerisch has become the world language.

So, enough of this chit-chat. Let's learn Weanerisch!