i have these complicated emotions whenever i do something like putting on make up because

i realize that at some level i’m not doing it for myself or else i would wear it when i’m alone or at work as well (i don’t want people at work to find me attractive, ergo i don’t put in any effort when i’m there)

i realize that it’s essentially anti-feminist of me to do these things because femininity is patriarchys way of holding us down, subjecting us to some ever present male watcher and making us care about how we look instead of liberating ourselves

i also realize that NOT doing it because it’s stereotypically “feminine” is viewing femininity as something bad, which is misogynist, and masculinity is celebrated in every culture and subculture i could possibly be a part of and i wish that would change

i still sometimes feel like doing it but at the same time i realize i only feel that way because i was taught to.