Back in May of 1998, when this unassailable act of prophecy was likely being written, The Orioles and Yankees decided that soup-bones and not bats, balls and gloves would be the determinative instruments of most glorious abandon for God and Country.

First, Armando Benitez, gentleman wildcat, presents us with the casus belli …

Tensions scale tense heights, but a young and coiffed Derek Jeter’s puzzled visage suggests he’s confused as to why they can’t just settle what must settled in the crucible of competitive humping …

Soon enough, though, the offending Mr. Benitez gets shit-choked by the wispy spectral presence of Graeme Lloyd …

And then actual, corporeal Graeme Lloyd engages Benitez in a round of unsanctioned Bronx Maximus Slap-Chop …

Which leads to Darryl Strawberry’s making what is widely known in proper quarters as an Irish Business Decision …

Finally and most grimly, David Cone, to his mounting horror, surveys the Confederate dead …

File under: Classic F__king Brawls.