Today is Dick Cheney's birthday. He's 74. He hasn't shot anyone in almost nine years.

Happy birthday, Dick, you old waterboarding maniac, you.

Here are some of memorable quotes from the former vice president and puppet master.

"I had other priorities in the sixties than military service" — on his five draft

deferments, April 5, 1989

"Once you got to Iraq and took it over, took down Saddam Hussein's government, then what are you going to put in its place? That's a very volatile part of the world, and if you take down the central government of Iraq, you could very easily end up seeing pieces of Iraq fly off: part of it, the Syrians would like to have to the west, part of it — eastern Iraq — the Iranians would like to claim, they fought over it for eight years. In the north you've got the Kurds, and if the Kurds spin loose and join with the Kurds in Turkey, then you threaten the territorial integrity of Turkey" — 1994

interview defending the first Bush administration for not advocating an invasion of Iraq

following the first Gulf War.

"Oh, yeah. He is. Big time" — agreeing with then-candidate George W. Bush, who was

overheard at a campaign rally saying, "There's Adam Clymer, major league —hole from

The New York Times," Sept. 4, 2000

"Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better" — June 4, 2003.

"Conservation may be a sign of personal virtue but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive energy policy" — April 30, 2001

"We know (Saddam's) been absolutely devoted to trying to acquire nuclear weapons, and we believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons" — March 16, 2003

"My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators" — March 16, 2003

"I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency" — on the Iraq

insurgency, June 20, 2005

"In Iraq, a ruthless dictator cultivated weapons of mass destruction and the means to deliver them. He gave support to terrorists, had an established relationship with al

Qaeda, and his regime is no more" — Nov. 7, 2003

"I was a big supporter of waterboarding. I was a big supporter of the enhanced

interrogation techniques ..." on opposing the Obama administration's efforts to end

waterboarding, ABC interview in 2010

"It was hard to do. It took a long time. There were significant costs involved. But we got rid of one of the worst dictators of the 20th century" — ABC interview in 2010

"I think he's been one of our weakest presidents. I just fundamentally disagree with him philosophically. I would be hard put to find any Democratic president that I've disagreed with more" — on Obama during a "Nightline" interview in July 2012.

"Go f— yourself" — to Sen. Patrick Leahy, during an angry exchange on the

Senate floor about profiteering by Halliburton, June 25, 2004

"That's sort of the best thing I ever did" — reflecting on telling Leahy to "go

f— yourself," interview with Dennis Miller, April 22, 2010