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The Law:

We don't want to come off like dicks here. After all, what's to stop a judge from letting a kindly old man off the hook at Christmas? No harm done. What kind of a stodgy bastard could possibly have a problem with that?

Us. Stop and think about the implications of this. The judge basically gave this one guy the power to lay claim to every Christmas card, decoration and jingle that bears his name or likeness and claim a royalty for its use.



He's shaving his beard, he's buying a flight, he's getting laid in Hawaii tonight ...

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And what does this mean for Kris Kringle on a day-to-day basis -- is he now legally sanctioned to break into people's homes once a year to leave them stuff? Will there be ramifications if he doesn't leave a present for every kid who writes him a letter? Oh, and about those letters. Considering the basis upon which the judge made his ruling, this old man now gets all of the tens of millions of letters kids send to Santa every year.

Also, one year this old man is going to die. Try explaining that one to your kids, parents!



That's an even more crashing end to a childhood than finding a dead clown in the ditch out back.

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And let's not forget that it also opens up the door for all kinds of whack jobs to announce they're fictional people as well. Hey lady, is that a bag of bloody human teeth you got there underneath your tutu? Don't worry, you're not crazy, you're legally the Tooth Fairy -- we've got a piece of mail here declaring it so. There's precedent for it!

For more movies we went ahead and ruined for you, check out 7 Movies Based on a True Story (That Are Complete Bullshit) and 7 Bullshit Police Myths Everyone Believes (Thanks to Movies).

And stop by Linkstorm because the Internet has destroyed even more beloved fiction of yours.

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