Members of the armed group occupying a federal building on an Oregon wildlife refuge posted a plea on Facebook for care packages containing "snacks." It's an important reminder that if you want to overthrow the government, always start in a city that has GrubHub.

And remember, these folks are choosing to hold slumber parties at this remote location miles away from the nearest Papa John's. They are willingly putting themselves in a problematic situation to gain attention from the media, and aren't actually in need of charitable food donations like many Americans who find themselves below the poverty level.

That's why I've decided to do everything in my power not to help. I hope you can find it in your hearts to do the same.

Step 1: Find or take some photos of delicious food Verkamier via Getty Images Make sure you're capturing everything in high-definition to optimize the visceral reaction.

Step 2: Go to FedEx Roberto Machado Noa via Getty Images You know, the company from "Castaway."

Step 3: Print out color photos on glossy paper HuffPost Comedy/Aaron Nemo Don't be a cheapskate by printing in black and white (unless, of course, it's a photo of Oreos).

Step 4: Put the photos into a manila envelope HuffPost Comedy/Aaron Nemo Yummm ... rhymes with vanilla.

Step 5: Address manila envelope to Jon Ritzheimer HuffPost Comedy/Aaron Nemo This is the address provided in the Facebook post mentioned above. Apparently in Burns, OR, the mailman knows where to find everyone by name.

Step 6: Throw in some spoilers from "The Bachelor" HuffPost Comedy/Aaron Nemo Only if you want to get them REALLY pissed off.

Step 7: Mail it HuffPost Comedy/Aaron Nemo It's like sending an email but with actual energy exertion.

Step 8: Donate to a food bank Steve Debenport There are hungry people out there who aren't just being dicks.

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