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“Coffee’s for closers,” as Alec Baldwin’s character rages in “Glengarry Glen Ross” — and anger management is for hotheads.

Baldwin was sentenced to take classes to deal with his well-known rage issues Monday after the volatile actor pleaded guilty to harassment charges over a 2018 parking spot scuffle near his Greenwich Village home.

The legendary bloviator got a relative slap on the wrist as he was allowed to cop only to a non-criminal violation in Manhattan Criminal Court that also resulted in a $120 fine.

Though Baldwin is known to rant about topics like his disdain for President Trump, he exhibited uncharacteristic silence as he fled the Centre Street courthouse using stairs that were briefly blocked to the public.

During the hearing, prosecutors said the 60-year-old was given a break because he has no criminal history.

“We have had an opportunity to review video surveillance in this case, speak with the witnesses, review the medical records and speak with the victim,” said prosecutor Ryan Lipes. “Given that Mr. Baldwin does not have a criminal record, we are prepared to offer a harassment violation in the second degree.”

Baldwin initially faced misdemeanor attempted assault and harassment charges after victim Wojciech Cieszkowski told cops Baldwin slugged him during a Nov. 2 argument over a parking spot on East 10th Street near Fifth Avenue.

The “Saturday Night Live” star was ticked off when Cieszkowski took a spot that Baldwin’s relative was trying to hold for him. As Cieszkowski tried to feed the meter, the “30 Rock” star went ballistic.

Baldwin denied ever throwing a punch — but admitted shoving the driver.

“He’s an a–hole. He stole my spot,” Baldwin told officers, according to court papers. “I did push him.”

The victim was taken to a hospital, but didn’t sustain serious injuries.

Baldwin had previously denied the allegations he slugged the other driver on Twitter.

“Normally, I would not comment on something as egregiously misstated as today’s story,” he wrote. “However, the assertion that I punched anyone over a parking spot is false. I wanted to go on the record stating as much.”

Reached by phone, Cieszkowski declined to comment on the plea.

The parking row was Baldwin’s latest transportation run-in. In 2014, he was busted for cycling the wrong way down a Manhattan street — and then telling two cops to “go f–k themselves”.

Three years before that, he was booted off a flight for playing on his phone, instead of heeding instructions to power it down.

Additional reporting by Kevin Sheehan