In an ideal world one would not need to ask this question but – no, wait a minute. Let's start that again. In a halfway decent world one wouldn't need to ask this question but, sadly, one must, this week more than ever.

Which of the following homophobic actions and statements do you find more despicable and more deserving of the most severe punishment possible: an 18-year-old in his first term at university spying with a webcam on his gay roommate and sending out tweets such as: "I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."

Or: a 53-year-old man on a high-profile political stage saying that gay marriage will cause America to "fail"; that homosexuals do not perform activities "that are healthy for society" and therefore do not deserve certain "rights" such as raising children; that gay "sexual activity" is not "equal" to heterosexual "activity"; that repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell is "playing social experimentation with our military ... And that's tragic"; that gay marriage is analogous to polygamy and, most infamously, bestiality.

Both of these examples are utterly horrible and it is a decidedly depressing state of affairs that they happened at all. So to compare them is not to say that one is, relatively speaking, forgivable. Yet when one results in a now 20-year-old man facing up to 10 years' imprisonment and possible deportation, and the other leads to this particular politician doing unexpectedly well in the Republican presidential primaries, one does have to question, shall we say, the consistency of national attitude, and what, really, is condemned and condoned.

In September 2010, two 18-year-olds, Tyler Clementi and Dharun Ravi, moved into their shared room at Rutgers University for their first year. Clementi, a shy and talented musician, was gay; Ravi is not. On the 19th of that month, Clementi had a male friend over and Ravi, in a friend's room, spied on his roommate for five seconds with a webcam and announced what he saw on Twitter. Later that night, Ravi did it again, this time with a group of friends. Clementi saw Ravi's tweet about what he saw, figured out what happened but did not lodge a complaint. Two days later, Clementi invited his friend over again and, again, Ravi planned to spy on him, announcing his plan to do so on Twitter. This time Clementi lodged a complaint with university. Then, carefully leaving his wallet and phone behind, Clementi jumped off the George Washington Bridge.

Clementi's death caused a huge outcry in America at the time, with such figures as President Obama and Ellen DeGeneres voicing their dismay and disgust. On Friday, Ravi, now 20, was convicted on all 15 counts with which he was charged, ranging from invasion of privacy to bias intimidation. He faces up to a decade in prison and deportation to India, having spent his formative years in New Jersey.

Turning from this utterly tragic case involving what Ravi's lawyer memorably and doubtless rightly described as "a jerky kid" in a dorm room whose actions resulted in a conviction, we turn to the national political stage, involving grown men whose statements result in balloons falling from the ceiling. Being against gay marriage, gay adoption and gay soldiers serving openly in the military is pretty much de rigueur for a Republican presidential candidate these days, as is inferring – obliquely or very openly – that being gay is a perversion and therefore not deserving of full rights. Rick Santorum has been the most vocal about this although, to be fair, sex in all of its forms appears to repulse him judging from his beliefs regarding contraception and pornography. Yet his statements about homosexuality have been especially disgusting, hardline and toxic.

There is, as far as I know, no evidence that anything Santorum or any of his Republican rivals has said has led to a gay person killing themselves. However, Ravi has not been convicted of causing Clementi's death, although it's hard not to suspect he is being punished for it. We'll never know if Ravi would have been charged with anything if Clementi had not felt driven to kill himself. In fact, with heartbreakingly unfortunate timing, just five minutes after Clementi posted on Facebook that he was about to kill himself, Ravi sent him two long text messages apologising for his actions, adding: "I don't want your freshman year to be ruined because of a petty misunderstanding."

Ravi deserves to be punished, without question. Yet it seems unlikely that making an example of him will do anything to fight against homophobia among teenagers when politicians seemingly legitimise the bigotry by spouting their noxious beliefs. The Republican candidates – Santorum especially – seem to think that a focus on social issues prove their morality. Yet what they do and say is bullying on a national scale, of kids just like Clementi and beyond.

Ravi will soon find out if he must leave America. Santorum et al, meanwhile, compete to run it. Like I said, the world we live in has some way to go towards decency.