Sometimes we find ourselves wondering how often should you have sex? It’s usually the thought we turn to when going through a dry spell. Although working for Sugarcookie, I’m thinking about sex all the time. Even when I’m having it!

The frequency with which we get frisky is a fun debate. There are meant to be averages as to how much sex most people have in a given week, month, year or lifetime. Of course, there’s the question of whether anyone is actually honest when completing surveys. But that’s a debate for another day!

When you’re in a relationship, your sex life is very different from when you’re single. Largely because it’s influenced by two people rather than just one. But also everybody is an individual and the sex lives we lead can vary a great deal.

A lot of it depends on the job we have, what hours we do, where we live and what commitments we have. Whether you’re single or attached is obviously a big factor but so too is whether you have children or not. Plus generally just the question of your libido as well. There are many things you should take into consideration before asking yourself how often should you have sex and getting worried about it.

Single life

Question for single, straight men only please. It’s for an article. How often do you have sex? — Harriet Sugarcookie (@HSugarCookie) May 21, 2019

When you’re single, having sex may be the highlight of your months. It’s less predictable as it depends on who you meet and whether the chance to bone presents itself. For singletons, it might sometimes feel like a dry spell is never going to end.

But rest assured, it does and there will likely be sex on the horizon. For guys and girls who deliberately only have sex when they’re in a relationship, dry spells are entirely dependent on their dating life. It’s not a bad thing to only have sex in a relationship as you can build stronger connections and practice safer sex.

However for those who like to be free wheeling and enjoy having casual sex, there are more opportunities available. A lot of single people say that how often they have sex is affected by their schedule and general lifestyle.

The impact of how much you work or study and what commitments you have greatly affects how often you have sex. When it’s up to you, how often you should have sex is basically whatever you enjoy and choose to do.

From what we’ve seen, most singletons vary between having sex once or twice a week according to their schedule to having sex with a new partner once a month or every few months. It really seems to depend on how much effort they put into going out looking to meet a mate.

When you’re single, sex on a tap may sound awesome but don’t forget to keep an eye on your sexual health. Experts tend to advise having a sexual health screen for STIs between every new sex partner you take or at a minimum, going every six months. Like an MOT for your member.

Relationships sex

When you’re in a relationship, how often you have sex is more down to how much you and your partner want and can get intimate. On average, most couples report having sex once a week or twice a month. This depends on whether they have children or not but usually seems to be a weekly event.

Life can sometimes get in the way of a roll in the hay. Between working jobs, running a home and having friends and family take up your time, it can be tricky to get frisky. But you can look out for the signs that your girlfriend wants more sex. Then you have a cue to act!

In 2015, researchers for Social Psychological and Personality Science found that couples who have sex once a week are happier than those who don’t. While a 2017 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior, suggests that most adults have sex around 54 times per year. Which translates to roughly every week plus a couple extra (presumably for birthdays and anniversaries…).

It’s fair to say that your libido and lifestyle both play significant roles in how often you have sex. Wanting to get dirty doesn’t always mean that you have the time to do it. Or if you’re in a relationship, you might want sex but your girlfriend may not want to have sex with you.

All relationships go through dry spells, as well as having periods where you can’t keep your hands off each other. There’s usually nothing to worry about as you’ll find your sync again and spark up the same flames you had before.

But sometimes dry spells can become longer due to unresolved issues. Either due to there being conflict in the relationship, a reason for not getting it on or sometimes due to a loss of libido.

How to increase your sex life

Whether you’re single or attached, there are ways to increase how often you have sex. When you’re single, you can deliberately go out and socialise more to meet women. Or seek out like minded girls who want to have fun without commitment. There are plenty of dating sites which cater for both fun, casual sex and for more serious relationships.

When you’re in a relationship, you can restore the sexual sparks in your bedroom in a number of ways. Foremost, it helps if you look at why you and your girlfriend aren’t having sex. If it’s just due to lifestyle and schedule commitments, setting aside a date night or going to bed earlier can help create times for you to connect.

Alternatively, if finding the time isn’t the issue but having the sparkle is, you can try new ways of spicing up your relationship too. Whether by trying different ways of having sex in terms of positions, location or just the mood you go for when you do have sex.

Moving away from having the same old routine will help refresh your sex life. Instead of only having sex when you go to bed, try having sex in the car or on the sofa. Book a dirty weekend away or make the effort of going to bed as soon as you get home from work when you still have the energy. Rather than ending up being too tired for raunchy fun when you go to bed later.

Buying some new lingerie for your partner shows care and appreciation. While it may also encourage her to wear the new undies for you – hello striptease! Maybe you want to change the roles and be submissive to her for a change or be dominant.

How often should you have sex?

The answer to how often should you have sex really is simple. You should have sex as often as you choose based on what you enjoy. Sex is something that should be fun and you shouldn’t let anybody shame you into thinking casual sex is wrong. When you try new things, making sure that your partner enjoys them and is OK afterwards is a good way of maintaining respect and practising sex aftercare.

Sometimes we might avoid having sex because we aren’t confident. Whether due to feeling a bit fat or just feeling a bit out of sorts. If you don’t want to have sex with a girl, you can decline it without hurting her feelings.

Going through a dry spell isn’t the end of the world and you really shouldn’t worry too much about how often should you have sex. If you think your partner may not want to have sex with you due to having a loss of libido, there are ways to reconnect. Or to connect without having sex. You shouldn’t let small issues get in the way of having a fulfilling relationship and sex life generally.

So basically stop worrying and asking yourself how often should you have sex and just relax. Happy bonking for all.