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The List: 2016

You don’t want to be a loser, so, listen, okay, this is going to be huge. HUGE. Earlier I turned on the television and there was a new poll — did you see the new poll? Ronda Rousey is down, but Saint West is soaring. Pizza rat, Jon Stewart, Don Draper — done, finished, total disasters, nobody cares. And me? Did Hillary hire me? Will you hire me? I mean, Hello, it’s me... I’m winning, and all I want to do is MAKE 2016 GREAT AGAIN.

[VIDEO: The Post predicts what's in and out for 2016]

Look, in 2015, there were no gaffes, only honesty, the truth. Which, you know — and I’ve been saying this all my life — has nothing to do with facts. We’re white and yellow AND blue and black. Don’t believe me? Just watch, I have hundreds of people who agree with me. The bomb was a clock and the balls were deflated, gay people are marrying without being stopped by a clerk from Kentucky, and police officers are shooting people on camera. We’re all hashtagging against terrorism then hashtagging for National Doughnut Day, while checking the Bei Bei-cam and the Paul Ryan beard-cam so we can Finstagram it. See? People of this country are sick and tired of this incompetent crap.

So I built a list. A great list, a beautiful list — and nobody builds lists better than me, believe me. The best people told me what is coming, the smartest people, extremely credible sources. Follow The List, and you will be a total winner, a really nice guy. Don’t like it? Well, you’re fired.