BRUSSELS Airport is to save everyone's time by erecting a 40ft high illuminated sign reading ‘Fuck off, we’re keeping the backstop’.

The move follows excitable British discussions about how much support Theresa May would enjoy if she only did the thing she cannot do.

Senior MEP Guy Verhofstadt said: “We've been paying a man to stand at arrivals with this sign since February last year – actually three men, in eight-hour shifts – so at the very least we’re saving their wages.

“The idea is that May gets off her plane, stoked up with the false promises of lunatics, sees the sign, comes to her senses and flies home immediately.

“If this does not work we have roadside billboards on the route to the European Parliament with slogans including 'You agreed to this deal', 'Why are you here?' and 'Don't knock. We're not in'.”

He added: “Or an entire continent could change its mind because of 45 angry British MPs. That seems likely.”