It's a big day for InfoWars conspiracy chief and definitely-not-Bill-Hicks-after-faking-his-own-death Alex Jones. It is, first and foremost, the anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks, which Jones has long contended was a false flag operation in which the Bush administration played a role. It's also the anniversary of Hillary Clinton's fainting incident at the 9/11 Memorial, which Jones' website is celebrating with unmitigated glee. But it's also time for a fresh tale out of the seemingly endless Jonesian conspiracy archive, and this one concerns the man who defeated Clinton with Jones' full-throated support: President Donald J. Trump.

This content is imported from Third party. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

It can't be an easy task for Jones to shoehorn Trump's presidency into his worldview. After all, his narrative during the election was that a vast conspiracy of globalist elites was working to stop Trump, the rightful representative of The People. These dark forces, which control all the levers of financial and political power, promptly failed to stop Trump becoming president. Since, Trump has adopted an orthodox conservative approach to many issues while simultaneously engaging in impressive feats of self-sabotage. It puts his anti-establishment right-wing defenders in a bit of a pickle.

Let none of that detract from this legendary tirade, however. Because no one can force world events into the tiny box of his worldview like Alex Jones. Bare witness as the InfoWars host—whose website plays host to 4.78 million unique viewers a month—explains how The Globalists are drugging the president's Diet Coke, which Trump orders with the push of a Big Red Button on the Resolute Desk. Watch as Jones explains they're doing this so they can slowly damage Trump's brain and then claim he has Alzheimer's. Notice the casual reference to the theory that Ronald Reagan was given "cold blood," a "transfusion that causes brain damage." Jones has "talked to people, multiple ones" about all this, who shared that the president is "slurring his words" each evening because of a drug that is simultaneously brain-destroying and highly addictive—and not just because they're serving it to him in a delicious Diet Coke!

And be thankful that Alex Jones is as brave as he is, because, as he'll happily tell you, the stakes are large: "I'm risking my life, by the way, [to] tell you all this." It all adds up, except for one detail: Despite the occasional dissenting report, surely this president doesn't drink Diet Coke. After all, we know his thoughts on the matter:

This content is imported from Twitter. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke. — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 14, 2012

Because you deserve it, here, via MediaMatters, is the complete transcript of Jones' theory:

ALEX JONES (HOST): Ladies and gentlemen, I was told this by high level sources and it was evident and especially after [Ronald] Reagan was shot in his first year in office when he was acting like Trump, and doing the right things, that he never really recovered. They gave him cold blood, and his transfusion that causes brain damage. They slowly gave him small amounts of sedatives. It’s known that most presidents end up getting drugged. Small dosages of sedatives till they build it up, Trump’s such a bull he hasn’t fully understood it yet.

But I’ve talked to people, multiple ones, and they believe that they are putting a slow sedative that they’re building up that’s also addictive in his Diet Cokes and in his iced tea and that the president by 6 or 7 at night is basically slurring his words and is drugged. Now first they had to isolate him to do that. But yes, ladies and gentleman, I’ve talked to people that talk to the president now at 9 at night, he is slurring his words. And I’m going to leave it at that. I’ve talked to folks that have talked to him directly.

So notice, “Oh, he’s mentally ill. Oh, he’s got Alzheimer’s.” They isolate him then you start slowly building up the dose, but instead of titrating it like poison, like venom of a cobra, or a rattlesnake, or a water moccasin where you build it up slowly so that you get a immunity to it, you’re building it slowly so the person doesn’t notice it. First it’s almost zero, just a tiny bit and then a little more and then your brain subconsciously becomes addicted to it and wants it and so as the dose gets bigger and bigger you get more comfortable in it. The president’s about two months into being covertly drugged. Now I’m risking my life, by the way, tell you all this. I was physically sick before I went on air. Because I’m smart. And I don’t mean that in a braggadocious way. I mean I’m not dumb. The information you’re going to get today is super dangerous. In fact, I’m tempted just to let it out now so they don’t cut the show off or something before this goes out. I mean this is the kind of thing that gets you killed.

[...]

JONES: They drug presidents because the power structure wants a puppet. The president needs his blood tested by an outside physician he trusts.

Jack Holmes Politics Editor Jack Holmes is the Politics Editor at Esquire, where he writes daily and edits the Politics Blog with Charles P Pierce.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io