Elizabeth Johnston, a homeschooling Christian mother of 10 who goes by the name “The Activist Mommy” online, is furious that Teen Vogue has an article on its website about how to have anal sex.

Because how dare a magazine educate her children?! She tries very hard to keep them in a bubble, thank you very much, and this article attempts to teach teenagers who might be having sex how to do it safely and without hurting themselves. That’s blasphemy! Everyone knows painful sex is a warning from God.

The funniest thing about this is that she burns the magazine. As if supporters of Teen Vogue would be offended by that. We’re not religious fanatics who freak out over something like that. It’s a magazine. We’ll just get another copy… or read the article online. Is Johnston planning on burning a computer next?

By the way: I read that article. It’s not telling teenagers to have anal sex. It’s explaining why some people might be intrigued by it, and how lube is necessary if you’re trying it, and how your partner may not be interested in the act, and how you’re welcome to skip to another article in the magazine if this one isn’t up your alley, etc.

In other words, this isn’t some video guide to sodomy. It’s sex education 101.

You would think a Christian who preaches abstinence until marriage would be grateful at any tutorial on anal sex, considering it’s (anecdotally) the go-to loophole for Christians who are having sex but don’t want to deal with a possible pregnancy.

Instead, she wants to keep her children sheltered. Though I’m guessing she wouldn’t be thrilled by (regular) Vogue explaining anal sex either. She should’ve done us all a favor and told us at what age anal sex is appropriate and how people should learn about it. Is her church offering lessons? If not, what’s the best way to educate yourself? It’s not like Brio is going to teach you this stuff.

Until then, let’s follow her lead. Everyone should buy a copy of Teen Vogue and burn it.

And then buy another copy for a friend and burn it together.

You can celebrate afterwards. You know how…

