Coping with a second consecutive loss in the Grey Cup meant a lot of things to me as a Stamps fan during the month of December. Wondering what might have been after two plays defined the 2017 season as yet another opportunity lost for my favourite team. So I did what champions are supposed to do to see if I could regain some of the joy that 2017 had brought before that fateful night.

I packed up the family and went to the happiest place on earth. Disneyland seemed like the perfect tonic to help me get past the disappointment, but the more I walked around the Magic Kingdom, the more I was reminded of the CFL and the various teams across this great nation and how they spent the 2017 season.

So with apologies to Josh Smith, here are the rides, or attractions as I was corrected more than once, that reminded me of each franchise in no particular order.

Splash Mountain – Edmonton Eskimos

Everything seemed like smooth sailing for the Eskimos for a time this year before quickly coming to a wet and chilly end. Meanwhile, under the surface, a debate was beginning about whether or not this attraction’s origin could be considered racist. Now personally, I think it pretty harmless with no need to change, but some people think otherwise.

Space Mountain – Hamilton Tiger-Cats

Spent a lot of time in the darkness riding this coaster before entering a tunnel of light and the ride coming to what felt like a premature end. It makes you want to ride it again even though the result may end up being the same.

Alice in Wonderland – Saskatchewan Roughriders

Much like the titular character Alice, anyone heading into the rectangle would be confused by what they saw initially. Green everywhere and unwavering fealty to the raging monarch who has no problem shouting “off with their heads” when a player doesn’t meet expectations.

Astro Orbiter – Winnipeg Blue Bombers

An OK ride with ups and downs aplenty, the Bombers suffered from being so close to other more entertaining fare. The Astro Orbiter shares Tomorrowland with Space Mountain and Star Tours, among other attractions, and so like the Bombers, while it might be fun, it plays third fiddle to the Stampeders and Eskimos in the CFL’s West Division.

It’s a Small World – Calgary Stampeders

Like the song that repeats ad nauseam, the Stampeders have been maddeningly consistent over the last 3.5 decades (what Feterek years?). Winning western titles without taking home the grand prize has been what the Stamps have been about. Much like the animatronic robots that serenade you on the way through the attraction, many people will tell you how great they are, which only leads to disappointment when actually witnessed.

Pinocchio’s Daring Journey – Toronto Argonauts

Much like the boy made out of wood who left home to join the circus, the Argo’s defied conventional wisdom by waiting so long to hire their coach and GM. As the fans and punditry gleefully played Jiminy Cricket warning of the folly of such behaviour, the Argo’s went right into the belly of the whale before escaping and having their truest wish granted.

Star Wars Land – Atlantic Schooners

They thought it would have been ready sooner, but progress is being made and we should be seeing it in all its glory shortly.

Peter Pan’s Flight – Ottawa Redblacks

Popular among both adults and kids, this ride was always well attended and it made you feel good while you were there. Great atmosphere with not much in the way of drama, but a good way to pass the time and a can’t miss ride for anyone who hasn’t attended before.

Pirates of the Caribbean – BC Lions

The expectations were sky high for the Lions in 2017, much like one who had never ridden the ride but had only seen the movies. You get in line expecting the two-hour wait to pay off with a big thrill, but are left wondering what happened.

Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride – Montreal Alouettes

Crazy twists and turns abound and you don’t know where you are going before somehow you end up in some sort of hell before the ride abruptly comes to an end. “Wait, did we just go to hell and not come out?” my wife, and I presume Alouettes fans, asked. Yep.