The football was woeful

The fact there was just 16 points on the final scoreboard tells you everything you need to know. This year’s Super Bowl, as the lowest-scoring title game in history, was an absolute slog.

Compared to results down the years, yesterday’s showdown stands as a major outlier in the NFL’s offense-first era. The Patriots and Eagles combined to score 74 points at last year’s Super Bowl. Before that, the Patriots and Falcons notched 62 points between them. Even recently lower-scoring games, between the Panthers and Broncos in 2016 and the Giants and Patriots in 2008, saw 30 points scored.

The stats behind Sunday’s game paint the same agonisingly boring picture. No other Super Bowl has seen the teams combine for fewer than 5 red zone plays. The Rams are the 2nd team in Super Bowl history to fail to score a touchdown (1971 Dolphins in Super Bowl VI). Twenty-seven of the Rams’ 60 plays went for 0 or negative yards (45%). Etc, etc, etc.

At this point, I'd like to draw attention to this outstanding tweet.

Seems to sum it up nicely.

The Patriots won. Again...

There are many things that divide America but, when it comes to the Patriots, the nation stands largely united in its hatred for the Boston-based franchise. From pure, plain jealously to their automated style of play, there are numerous reasons to despite the team. This resentment has become so prevalent, and widespread, that the Patriots themselves have started to embrace this hate as a badge of honour. If anything, this made the sight of Tom Brady lifting the sixth Super Bowl of his career even more galling. An awful outcome deserving of an awful game of football.

The half-time show

I’ll be honest. I didn’t watch it. I left the room to rub sand in my eyes. It was a long, painful night.

Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Show all 50 1 /50 Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Lead vocalist of Maroon 5 Adam Levine performs during the halftime show of Super Bowl LIII AFP/Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Lead vocalist of Maroon 5 Adam Levine (R) performs during the halftime show of Super Bowl LIII between the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia, on February 3, 2019. (Photo by Angela Weiss / AFP)ANGELA WEISS/AFP/Getty Images ANGELA WEISS AFP/Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine and Maroon 5 perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 3, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images) Jamie Squire Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images) Rob Carr Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Maroon 5 performs with Big Boi, Sleepy Brown and Travis Scott Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show NFL Football - Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show - New England Patriots v Los Angeles Rams - Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, Georgia, U.S. - February 3, 2019. Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the halftime show. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque KEVIN LAMARQUE Reuters Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Big Boi, and Sleepy Brown Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images) Streeter Lecka Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Feb 3, 2019; Atlanta, GA, USA; Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine performs during halftime of Super Bowl LIII between the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports Jason Getz USA TODAY Sports Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: A general view of Maroon 5 onstage during Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) Scott Cunningham Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine and Maroon 5 perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 3, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images) Jamie Squire Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images) Rob Carr Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) Scott Cunningham Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Rapper Travis Scott and Maroon 5's Adam Levine perform EPA Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Big Boi, and Sleepy Brown perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images) Rob Carr Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show NFL Football - Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show - New England Patriots v Los Angeles Rams - Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, Georgia, U.S. - February 3, 2019. Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the halftime show. REUTERS/Mike Segar MIKE SEGAR Reuters Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Feb 3, 2019; Atlanta, GA, USA; Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine performs during the halftime show in Super Bowl LIII at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports Christopher Hanewinckel USA TODAY Sports Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Adam Levine performs as Travis Scott is carried by the crowd AP Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show epa07341548 Big Boi and Maroon 5 perform during the halftime show of Super Bowl LIII between the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, 03 February 2019. EPA/MIKE ZARRILLI MIKE ZARRILLI EPA Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images) Al Bello Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Big Boi, and Sleepy Brown Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show NFL Football - Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show - New England Patriots v Los Angeles Rams - Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, Georgia, U.S. - February 3, 2019. Adam Levine and James Valentine of Maroon 5 perform during the halftime show. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque KEVIN LAMARQUE Reuters Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) Scott Cunningham Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GA - FEBRUARY 03: A general view as Adam Levine and Maroon 5 perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 3, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images) Kevin C. Cox Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show NFL Football - Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show - New England Patriots v Los Angeles Rams - Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, Georgia, U.S. - February 3, 2019. Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the halftime show. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque KEVIN LAMARQUE Reuters Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 and Travis Scott perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) Scott Cunningham Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Travis Scott, and Sleepy Brown perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images) Maddie Meyer Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images) Al Bello Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Drones fly as Maroon 5 performs with Big Boi, Travis Scott, and Sleepy Brown during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images) Al Bello Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine and Maroon 5 perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 3, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images) Mike Ehrmann Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine and Maroon 5 perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 3, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images) Elsa Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: A general view of Maroon 5 performing during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) Scott Cunningham Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show epa07341620 Rapper Big Boi (C), Maroon 5's Adam Levine (L) and Sleepy Brown (R) perform during the halftime show of Super Bowl LIII between the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams during the first half of Super Bowl LIII at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, 03 February 2019. EPA/LARRY W. SMITH LARRY W. SMITH EPA Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: A general view of Maroon 5 performing during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) Scott Cunningham Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) Scott Cunningham Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images) Streeter Lecka Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show epa07341614 Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the halftime show of Super Bowl LIII between the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams during the first half of Super Bowl LIII at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, 03 February 2019. EPA/LARRY W. SMITH LARRY W. SMITH EPA Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images) Rob Carr Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show epaselect epa07341557 Maroon 5's Adam Levine performs during the half time show of Super Bowl LIII between the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, 03 February 2019. EPA/ERIK S. LESSER ERIK S. LESSER EPA Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images) Rob Carr Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Adam Levine of Maroon 5, left, and Travis Scott perform during halftime of the NFL Super Bowl 53 football game between the Los Angeles Rams and the New England Patriots Sunday, Feb. 3, 2019, in Atlanta. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson) Jeff Roberson AP Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 3, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) Kevin Winter Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images) Patrick Smith Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GEORGIA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 03, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images) Al Bello Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Feb 3, 2019; Atlanta, GA, USA; Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine performs during the halftime show in Super Bowl LIII at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Brett Davis-USA TODAY Sports Brett Davis USA TODAY Sports Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Feb 3, 2019; Atlanta, GA, USA; Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine and recording artist Travis Scott perform during the halftime show in Super Bowl LIII at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports Dale Zanine USA TODAY Sports Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs during halftime of the NFL Super Bowl 53 football game between the Los Angeles Rams and the New England Patriots Sunday, Feb. 3, 2019, in Atlanta. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke) Matt Rourke AP Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Feb 3, 2019; Atlanta, GA, USA; Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine performs during the halftime show in Super Bowl LIII at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Brett Davis-USA TODAY Sports Brett Davis USA TODAY Sports Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show ATLANTA, GA - FEBRUARY 03: Adam Levine and Maroon 5 perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on February 3, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images) Jamie Squire Getty Best photos: Maroon 5 Super Bowl halftime show Feb 3, 2019; Atlanta, GA, USA; Maroon 5 performs during halftime of Super Bowl LIII between the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports Jason Getz USA TODAY Sports

So, yes, when it comes to throwing scorn at the half-time shittery that was Maroon 5 I’m not that well qualified to join in with the fun. As such, here are a few of the most damning reviews from the internet.

The New York Times described Maroon 5’s performance as “dynamically flat, mushy at the edges, worthy of something much worse than derision: a shrug”.

It added: “In a year in which the Super Bowl halftime show has become a referendum on political mindfulness, in which the N.F.L. has become a staging ground for conversations about racial justice in America, Maroon 5 was a cynically apt choice. It is neutral, inoffensive, sleek without promising too much.” Burn.

Tom Brady...winning...again... (USA TODAY Sports)

The Guardian was similarly scathing in its assessment “As far as half-time performances go,” it wrote, “the show itself was a pretty toothless, cookie-cutter affair, marked by the requisite pyrotechnics and some floating lanterns as Adam and co ran down a list of radio hits.”

The Washington Post kept up this theme. Describing Maroon 5 “as a sanitary wipe of a rock band”, the newspaper wrote that Levine and co “sidestepped controversy and posterity” before “vanishing into the Georgia night.”

And here’s a final gem courtesy of the Atlantic: “Possibly the most distinctive voice in Maroon 5’s halftime show was Drake’s, pre-recorded and piped in, praising Xanax as a sleep aid. The most recognizable face was that of SpongeBob Squarepants, who popped up on viewers’ screens just before a cartoon comet hit Maroon 5’s set, sending it into polite spouts of patio-furniture flames.”

Any redeeming features?

Yes, actually. I'm glad you asked. For the first time ever, two male cheerleaders appeared at a Super Bowl. Napoleon Jinnies and Quinton Peron made history when they stood on the sidelines with the LA Rams during America's most-watched TV event.

Napoleon Jinnies peforms for the Rams during last night's Super Bowl (AFP/Getty Images)

The Rams duo became the first male cheerleaders in the NFL earlier this season, along with Jesse Hernandez of the New Orleans Saints.