Number Five: Right off the bat, this parenting stuff is much easier than you think. Seriously. We get bombarded with all these gizmos and gadgets and guidebooks, because babies are big business. The human race has survived for hundreds of thousands of years during times of plague and natural disasters and tigers running around eating people like McNuggets. We managed to survive all of that without devices that replicate the sounds of a uterus or heat up baby wipes.

Honest truth is that the baby is going to be really, really boring for a good long while. I know you can’t wait to take her to the park or the zoo, and you’ve spent the past nine months thinking of all the amazing things you’re going to do together for the rest of your lives. That stuff will come sooner than you can imagine. But, as of next week, she’s going to eat, sleep, and poop. That’s it. If she’s crying, you check if she’s hungry, tired, or if her diaper needs to be changed. Sounds simple, I know. Still, it’s going to take you a few weeks of getting it down pat to the point where you tell yourself, “This is easy! I can totally do this!” Second that happens, she’ll add another trick. Maybe it’ll be gas. Or she won’t like being swaddled and can’t get comfortable at night. Soon, it will be rolling over. Then teething. Then she won’t eat vegetables, or understand long division; or she’ll feel like she has no friends; or she doesn’t get into the college she wanted, or she gets her heart broken.

What do we do as parents? We keep up. That’s all. We can’t expect to have all the answers, because every child is different. These kids keep changing the game every day. We may be the adults, but we don’t run the show anymore; they do. When you’ve spent nearly your whole life being your own top priority, and then, suddenly, your lifestyle shifts and you’re number two, that’s where it gets hard. You’ll have fewer problems with the fact that you haven’t had a full night’s sleep in weeks than with the fact that it will take you two hours of prep time just to go to the store for a gallon of milk. You will miss little things like going to Starbucks, watching adult TV shows, or eating at the restaurant that none of your friends will shut up about.

You don’t have to be the best dad in the world; you have to be her dad. You have to be the goofy awkward guy that everyone falls in love with. It’s okay to have days where you feel like you can’t hack it, or think that everyone else has it together except you; to have no idea what you’re doing; to make it up as you go along. Every moment I think I’m doing really well at this whole mom thing, my kids throw a wrench in the machine. The more you play the game, the harder it gets. The flip side is that, as I move on, I keep getting better and better at it. You will, too. Just keep up.