Instagram Tips for Your Self-Absorbed Trip to Iceland

Welcome to Iceland! The ultimate destination for your on-trend winter vacation. This Nordic island is filled with natural wonders including hot springs, waterfalls, and geysers. All of which look breathtaking with the right filter.

Have your smartphone ready as you navigate. When you compose a photo, remember that your ‘Gram should say, “I’m cultured and can afford this trip,” while whispering, “Why yes, I am better than you.” After all, if a photo doesn’t get double-digit likes, did it really happen?

Reykjavik

It’s your first day in the capital city. You’re surrounded by straight-lined architecture, hospitable locals, and furniture that resembles an IKEA catalog. IKEA is from Sweden? No matter. Take it all in while remaining nonchalant. Use every editing tool so that you can technically say #nofilter. Write a witty caption without using #wanderlust — that hashtag is reserved for anyone who still vacations in Punta Cana. Then, add an emoji of Iceland’s flag, so that everyone knows you’re traveling. But wait, first let’s google image search “What does Iceland’s flag look like?”

Gullfoss

Your Reykjavik photo received an average number of likes. We probably should have gone with a filter. When in doubt, Lo-Fi, Lo-Fi, Lo-Fi. Always. But it’s fine — today is a new day.

Gullfoss is a magnificent 105-foot waterfall and an Icelandic attraction that can be captured at any angle. For your photo’s caption, resist the urge to use lyrics from TLC’s “Waterfalls.” Stay #relevant! Think big! It’s January, so perhaps something about winter? Now, analyze the photo even deeper. What do you see? A frozen abyss. It’s frozen. Frozen. Yes, everyone loves Disney’s Frozen! Caption, “The cold never bothered me anyway.” It sounds so natural.

The Northern Lights

How did that photo only get 50 likes? I suppose Frozen is very 2013. Damn it! We should’ve seen that coming. Thank God Megan from the office liked it. There’s something so unsightly about 49 likes. But, everyone knows Megan’s a double-tapping whore who will like anything.

The Northern Lights are a natural phenomenon that inspired you to book a winter trip to somewhere cold in the first place. Be patient as you search for the cascading colors in the night sky. There! Was that a trickle of purple? No, just a selfie stick in the distance. I know it’s been 4 hours and your neck hurts, but no Icelandic trip is complete without an Instagram of the Northern Lights. With that said, let’s pick a photo from Getty Images and call it a night.

Icelandic Horses

How can you call yourself a #jetset traveler when that last photo didn’t even break triple-digits? Megan didn’t even bother liking it. But fuck Megan. You’ve always hated her. Let’s just focus on vindicating your Instagram feed.

If this photo doesn’t do it for you, I honestly don’t know what will. People love Insta-animals. Capture these horses with their side-swept bangs and adorably short legs, which must be freezing in this god-forsaken country. Now, turn your head slightly and look at the horse with a subtle smile as if you’re completely unaware of the camera in front of you. Perfect! So candid.

Blue Lagoon

You’re irrelevant, and everyone knows it. Also, Megan is dead. She perished in a tragic accident involving some petting zoo in the Andes. It’s heart-breaking, but we have to unfollow her and move on.

The Blue Lagoon is quite possibly your sole reason for tolerating this country’s 25-degree temperature. Pick one of the 67 photos you made your friend Jessica take as she complained that her hands were freezing. But hurry! The airport’s free Wi-Fi is spotty, and you have to post before take-off. Now, use Facetune to edit your arm fat and remove that hideous couple in the background. Quick! You have 30 seconds before departure. Post and resist the urge to pay for in-flight Wi-Fi to check your likes. It’s in God’s hands now. Let’s just slowly inhale the plane’s the recycled air as we prevent this trip from ending with an anxiety attack.