From Dusk Till Dawn / Vampire's Kiss

Venturing dangerously far into the realm of understatement, actor Nicolas Cage recently told a Newsweek interviewer that he thinks that he and Quentin Tarantino could “do something quite special” if they ever teamed up. Indeed, we can only imagine the results of the duo’s forehead-heavy collaboration, with Keymaster Tarantino’s endless reams of dialogue combining with Gatekeeper Cage’s ability to spew nonsense, finally unleashing the fabled Nic Cage singularity upon the people of the earth. (Cage also expressed a desire to work with Paul Thomas Anderson, which we don’t have any mean jokes about, because that would probably just be really good.)


The interview—in support of Pay The Ghost, in which Cage goes a-child-avengin’ for something like the fiftieth time in recent years—also allowed the actor to express his regrets about his career—he doesn’t have any, in case you were wondering—and his reaction to transforming from respected thespian into the internet’s number one antispokesman for bees. Speaking specifically about his much-mocked remake of The Wicker Man, Cage reminded readers that the occasional bad script choice doesn’t mean that he’s an idiot, and that he knew that he and director Neil LaBute were creating something ridiculous when they made it:

“I’m not entirely sure the movie deserved that much attention, good or bad. It’s an ironic experience for people. I don’t think people are aware—or some of the people anyway—are aware the movie was designed to be a bit of a black comedy. There was some irony involved in the portrayals. There seems to be a need by many of the folks on the Internet to think that Neil LaBute and myself were completely clueless as to that fact, which was not the case.”


Cage went on to say that he “doesn’t know how to process” and tries “not to think too much about” his status as the web’s memetic god of over-the-top acting, before doubling down on this whole “Just a normal guy” routine by repeatedly affirming that, much like everybody else, he goes out of his way to avoid watching movies that star Nicolas Cage. Talking about offered roles in films like The Lord Of The Rings, which he says he turned down because he couldn’t meet the movies’s extensive filming demands, Cage said he’s in some ways grateful for the missed opportunity, because it means he can still enjoy the films: “I can enjoy them as an audience member. I don’t really watch my own movies. And so I genuinely do have the joy of watching these—especially with Lord of the Rings.” And thus we all took a moment to bask in our shared connection with Nicolas Cage, all of us made equally happy by the fact that he wasn’t in The Lord Of The Rings.