"THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW" by Richard O'Brien PROLOGUE MAGENTA: Michael Rennie was ill (As Usherette) The day the earth stood still But he told us where we stand And Flash Gordon was there In silver underwear Claude Rains was the invisible man Then something went wrong For Fay Wray and King Kong They got caught in a celluloid jam Then at a deadly pace It came from outer space And this is how the message ran. CHORUS: Science fiction - double feature Phantoms do the Dr X will build a creature Oohhs etc. See Androids fighting Brad and Janet Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet Oh - at the late night double feature Picture show MAGENTA: I knew Leo G. Carrol (As Usherette) was over a barrel When tarantula took to the hills And I got really hot When I saw Jeanette Scott Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills Dana Andrews said prunes Gave him the rhunes And passing them used lots of skills But when worlds collide Said George Pal to his bride I'm going to give you some terrible thrills Like a - (Chorus) SCENE ONE Wedding bells are ringing - (Phantom voices) BRAD and JANET are both breathless. JANET: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful - didn't Betty look radiantly beautiful - I can't believe it - just an hour ago she was plain Betty Munroe and now she's Mrs. Ralf Hapshatt. BRAD: Yes, Janet - Ralf's a lucky guy. JANET: Yes. BRAD: Everyone knows Betty's a wonderful little cook. JANET: Yes. BRAD: And Ralf himself will be in line for promotion in a year or two. JANET: Yes. BRAD: Hey, Janet, I've got something to say I really loved the skillful way You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet (Phantoms) The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet) The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet) So please don't tell me to can it. (Janet) I've one thing to say and that's ... Damn it - Janet - I love you. (Phantoms) The road was long but I ran it. (Janet) There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet) If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet) I've one thing to say and that's ... Damn it - Janet - I love you. Here's a ring to prove I'm no joker (Bell voices) There's three ways that love can grow That's good - bad - or mediocre Janet - (Janet echoed B. backing voices) I love you so. (Phantoms) JANET: Oh it's nicer than Betty Munroe had. (Oh Brad) Now we're engaged and I'm so glad. (Oh Brad) That you've met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Brad) I've one thing to say and that's .... Brad - I'm mad - for you too. Oh Brad. BRAD: Oh damn it. JANET: I'm mad. BRAD: Oh Janet. JANET: For you. BRAD: I love you too - there's one thing left to do and that's.... (Phantoms) Go see the man who began it (Janet) When we met in his science exam it (Janet) Made me give you the eye and then panic (Janet) Now I've one thing to say and that's .... Damn it - Janet - I love you. Damn it Janet. JANET: Oh Brad I'm mad. BRAD: Damn it Janet. BOTH: I love you. -------------- NARRATOR: I would like - if I may - to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a farily ordinary night When Brad Majors, and his fiancée Janet Weiss... (two young ordinary healthy kids)... left Denton that late November evening to visit a Dr. Evrett Scott ex tutor and now friend to both of them... It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy - black and pendulous - toward which they were driving, it's true also that the spare tyre they were carrying was badly in need of some air - but they being normal kids and on a night out - well - they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening. On a night out... It was a night out they were to remember for a very - long - time. SCENE TWO SOUND OF CAR RADIO A car approaching through a stormy night. CAR STOPS. CLICK RADIO OFF. BRAD: Hmmm... JANET: What's the matter, Brad darling? BRAD: I think we took the wrong fork a few miles back there. We'd better go on ahead up the road and see if we can find our way back. (They move off) BLOWOUT BRAD: Oh darn! Janet. JANET: What was that bang? BRAD: We seem to have a blow-out in the front off-side tyre. JANET: Oh... (pause) (LIGHTNING) BRAD: You'd better stay here and keep warm while I go for help. JANET: But where will you go? We're in the middle of nowhere. BRAD: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I might use. JANET: I'm coming with you. BRAD: There's no point in both of use getting wet. JANET: I'm coming with you. Besides, darling, the owner of the phone may be a beautiful woman, and you may never come back. BRAD: Ha Ha Ha. (Phantoms take up the laughter - They exit) (MUSIC) JANET: In the velvet darkness of the blackest night burning bright - there's a guiding star no matter what or who you are. BRAD & JANET: There's a light ALL: Over at the Frankenstein place BRAD & JANET: There's a light ALL: Burning in the fireplace JANET: There's a light... Light in the darkness of everybody's life. BRAD: I can see the flag fly I can see the rain Just the same - there has got to be Something better here - for you and me BRAD & JANET: There's a light ALL: Burning in the fireplace BRAD: There's a light... Light in the darkness of everybody's life. RIFF RAFF: (from doorway) The darkness must flow Down the river of nights dreaming Flow morphia slow let the sun and light Come streaming into my life ALL: Into my life JANET & BRAD: There's a light ALL: Over at the Frankenstein Place JANET & BRAD: There's a light ALL: Burning in the fireplace There's a light - light JANET & BRAD: In the darkness of everybody's life. JANET: (screams) BRAD: It's all right, Janet. JANET: Oh Brad let's go back. I'm cold and I'm frightened. BRAD: Just a moment, Janet, they may have a telephone. (He rings the bell... No answer ... RINGS again... At last the door opens) RIFF RAFF: (Looking past them as if for others, or someone else) Hello. BRAD: Oh: Uh: Ahh: Hi there, we're in a bit of a spot, I wonder could you help us - our car is broken down about 2 miles back - do you have a telephone we might use... RIFF RAFF: (pause) You're wet. JANET: Yes - the rain has been very heavy. BRAD: Yes. RIFF RAFF: Yes - (lightning) I think you better both come inside. JANET: You're too kind. NARRATOR: And so - after braving the inclement weather, and some not too little time - it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assis- tance that their plight required - or had they ? - There was certainly something about this house (to which, a flat tyre and a wet night had brought them) that made the both of them feel apprehensive and uneasy - But, if they were to reach their destination that night, they would have to ignore such feelings and take advantage of whatever help was offered. SCENE THREE Interior DIMLY LIT. RIFF RAFF: Wait here. JANET: (looking around) Oh Brad what sort of a place is this I'm frightened. BRAD: It's probably some sort of hunting lodge for rich weirdos - but you're shivering. JANET: Yes I'm wet. BRAD: Look feel this - there's hot air coming from this grill in the wall - take your raincoat and dry it here. I'll keep a look out for the undertaker. JANET: Oh! BRAD: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet. I'm here - there's nothing to worry about. (She smiles) Here dry my coat too. JANET: O.K. (We are aware of FRANK looking at JANET - lights COME UP. BRAD and JANET whirl around see FRANK. Freeze) JANET: Oh! BRAD: It's alright, Janet. (RIFF RAFF appears with COLUMBIA and MAGENTA) RIFF RAFF, COLUMBIA MAGENTA: Master. FRANK: How do you do I see you've met my faithful handyman He's a little brought down Because when you knocked He thought you were the candyman Don't get strung out by the way that I look Don't judge a book by its cover I'm not much of a man By the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover I'm just a sweet Transvestite From Transexual Transalvania. Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound You look like you're both pretty groovie Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie. BRAD: I'm glad we caught you at home Ah - could we use your phone We're both in a bit of a hurry We'll just say where we are Then go back to the car, We don't want to be any worry. FRANK: You got caught with a flat Well how about that Well babie's don't you panic By the light of the night It'll all seem alright I'll get you a satanic mechanic. I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE FROM TRANSEXUAL TRANSALVANIA Why don'tcha stay for the night (Servants - "night") Or maybe a bite (Servants - "bite") I could show you my favourite obsession I've been making a man With blond hair and a tan and he's good for relieving my tension. I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE FROM TRANSEXUAL TRANSALVANIA I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE FROM TRANSEXUAL TRANSALVANIA * * * * * * So come up to the lab and see what's on the slab I see you shiver with anticipation But maybe the rain Is really to blame So I'll remove the cause but not the symptom (FRANK exits. The SERVANTS undress JANET and BRAD. They are reduced to 50's underwear) BRAD: (aside to JANET) It's all right, Janet, everything's gonna be all right we'll just play along for now - and we'll pull out the aces when the time is right. JANET: This is no time for card tricks, Brad, are you sure we'll be alright? BRAD: I'm sure, Janet. (to COLUMBIA, MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF) Uh. Hi, there - I'm Brad Majors, this is Janet Weiss - my fiancée - You are... COLUMBIA: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory, a lot of people would give their right arm for the privilege. BRAD: People like you maybe. COLUMBIA: I've seen it. JANET: Is he... is Frank... your husband? RIFF RAFF: The master is not yet married, nor do I think ever will be - we are simply his servants. JANET: Then he's very lucky. MAGENTA: Yeah - you're lucky - I'm lucky - he's lucky we're all lucky... COLUMBIA: All except Eddie. RIFF RAFF & MAGENTA: SSHHH!!! JANET: Eddie? MAGENTA: The delivery boy. RIFF RAFF: SSHHH!!! COLUMBIA: His delivery wasn't good enough. RIFF RAFF: The master only wanted to help the boy better his position. BRAD: That's very commendable... RIFF RAFF: Yes, it seems like only yesterday since he went... JANET: Where? RIFF RAFF: To pieces. (MAGENTA, COLUMBIA and RIFF RAFF sing) RIFF RAFF: It's astounding - Time is fleeting Madness takes its toll But listen closely - not for very much longer I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time warp Drinking those moments when The Blackness would hit me - The void would be calling ALL: Let's do the Time Warp again (twice) CHORUS, NARRATOR (MR. BASSMAN): It's just a jump to the left ALL: And then a step to the right NARRATOR: With your hands on your hips ALL: You bring your knees in tight TRIO: But it's the pelvic thrust That starts to drive you insane ALL: Let's do the time warp again (twice) MAGENTA: It's so dreamy - oh Fantasy Free Me So you can't see me - no not at all In another dimension - with voyeuristic intention Well secluded - I'll see all With a bit of a mind flip - you're there in the time slip Nothing can ever be the same You're spaced out on sensation Like you're under sedation Let's do the time warp again (twice) (MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF make an extraterrestial sign to each other) COLUMBIA: Well I was walking down the street Just having a think When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink Well it shook me up, it took me by surprise He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes Oh - he stared at me and I felt a change Time meant nothing - never would again ALL: Let's do the time warp again (twice) CHORUS REPEAT (COLUMBIA dances to half a verse of "Time Warp" as sung by other two) ALL: Let's do the Time Warp again (twice) REPEAT CHORUS. SCENE FOUR The laboratory. FRANK: Unlock a mind - unmind a lock - it's the same as the beginning of the end - do you follow? JANET: No. BRAD: It's an anagram, Janet. FRANK: I wonder may I offer you something refreshing. BRAD & JANET: No. FRANK: No. You're right I won't - how delightful to have fresh faces around. Magenta - Columbia - go and assist Riff Raff - I will entertain - Ahh. BRAD: Brad Majors. FRANK: Brad Majors. BRAD: And this is my fiancée Janet Weiss. JANET: Weiss. BRAD: Weiss. FRANK: Enchanté. How nice - and what charming underclothes you both have - but here, put these on. Oh but here. Thank you thing. (He hands them robes) It'll make you feel less vulnerable. We don't often receive visitors here, let alone show them hospitality... BRAD: Hospitality! All we wanted was to use your phone, a reasonable request which you have chosen to ignore. JANET: Don't be ungrateful, Brad. BRAD: Ungrateful!! FRANK: How forceful you are, Brad, what a perfect example of manhood - so dominant - you must be very proud, Janet. JANET: Yes. FRANK: Tell me Brad, do you have any tattoos? BRAD: Certainly not. FRANK: Oh well... (to JANET) How about you? (Enter RIFF RAFF) RIFF RAFF: Everything is in readiness master, we merely wait for you to give the word. FRANK: Tonight, Brad and Janet, Paradise is to be mine... JANET: Oh how wonderful for you. FRANK: It was strange the way it happened one of those quirks of fate really one of those moments when... Everything looks black the chips are down Your back is against the wall You panic - you're trapped - there's no way out and even if there was it would probably be a one way ticket to the bottom of the bay. And then suddenly you get a break - all the pieces seem to fit into place - what a sucker you'd been - what a fool - the answer was there all the time - it took a small accident to make it happen. ALL: (look at FRANK in blank amazement) FRANK: An accident, (MAGENTA and COLUMBIA repeat "accident") Oh God, that's how I discovered the secret - that elusive ingredient - that spark that is the breath of life. Yes - I have that knowledge I hold the key to life itself you see Brad and Janet you are fortunate for tonight is the time my beautiful creature is destined to be born... Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator and then step the reactor power input up three more points... JANET: Brad!! BRAD: It's alright, Janet. ROCKY: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head And I've got the feeling someone's Going to be cutting the thread Oh woe is me - my life is a misery Oh can't you see that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of the bed. ALL: That ain't no crime. ROCKY: And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unamiable dread. ALL: That ain't no crime. My high is low - I'm dressed up with no place to go and all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer. ROCKY: (That ain't no crime) Oh no no no no ALL: (Sha la la la that ain't no crime) ROCKY: (That ain't no crime) Oh no no no no ALL: (Sha la la la that ain't no crime) (That ain't no crime) NARRATOR: Rocky Horror you need peace of mind - and I want to tell you that you're doing just fine You're the product of another time and feeling down well that's no crime. ALL: That ain't no crime. ROCKY: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head ALL: That ain't no crime. ROCKY: And I've got the feeling someone's going be cutting the thread. ALL: That ain't no crime. ROCKY: Oh woe is me - my life is a mystery Oh can't you see that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer. (That ain't no crime) Oh no no no no (Sha la la la that ain't no crime) FRANK: Well really - that's no way to behave on your first day out. ROCKY: Well nobody's perfect - But I do think you made a pretty good job of the body work. FRANK: You are the result of may hours of toil - and now my beautiful creature you're ready for the ultimate test. ROCKY: Oh dear. FRANK: But first meet the family, Magenta, Rocky. MAGENTA: Hello Rocky. ROCKY: Hello Magenta. FRANK: Riff Raff - Rocky. RIFF RAFF: Hello Rocky. ROCKY: Hello Riff Raff. FRANK: Columbia - Rocky. COLUMBIA: Hello Rocky. ROCKY: Hello Columbia. FRANK: Hello. Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think? JANET: I don't like men with too many muscles. FRANK: I didn't make him for you dear. He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval - A weakling weighing 98 pounds Got sand in his face when kicked to the ground His girl split on him And soon in the gym The sweat from his pores As he worked for his cause Made him glisten and gleam And with massage and steam He was thin but quite clean He was in good shape ALL: But the wrong shape FRANK: He ate nutritious High-Protein And swallowed raw eggs Tried to build up his shoulders, His chest, arms and legs Then a magazine advert with a new muscle plan (said) ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man. FRANK: He'd done press ups and chin ups Clean and jerked. Done the Snatch Thought dynamic tension must be a catch So he re-read the advert to see how it ran ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man. (A large container 6'6" - 7' high - 4.5' wide resembling a 1940's fridge with the "Eddie" air-brushed on the door becomes lit - the door opens - "Eddie" appears.) COLUMBIA: Eddie. He is battered and shows the occasional seam, wearing extremely thick crepe soled shoes, (black leather drainpipes, skin tight) - drape coat - no tie, open necked. (Must hint of Frankenstein's Monster) Clothes mustn't look new. INTO - EDDIE: Whatever happened to Saturday night When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright It don't seem the same since cosmic light Came into my life and I thought I was divine I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go And listen to the music on the radio A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll Show And you climbed in the back and you really had A good time ALL: Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that Rock and Roll (four times) EDDIE: My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt. I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine Get back in front and put some hair oil on Buddy Holly was singing his very last song With your arm round your girl you'd try to sing along You felt pretty good cause you'd really had A good time. ALL: Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that Rock and Roll. (Repeat 8 times) (EDDIE exits back into the container) FRANK: One from the vaults. ROCKY: How can you keep him around. He's so ugly. FRANK: A certain naive charm But no muscle We had a mental relationship - But a deltoid and a bicep A hot groin and a tricep Makes me shake Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the hand. ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man. FRANK: I don't want no dissension Just dynamic tension JANET: I'm a muscle fan. ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man. FRANK: Dig it if you can. ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man. (BLACKOUT) NARRATOR: There are those who say that life is an illusion - And reality as we know it, is merely a figment of our imaginations. If this is so, Brad and Janet are quite safe. But - there are some who have a far more physical philosophy - those who would stop at nothing to satisfy their base desires - It could be that Brad and Janet are among those who hold the devil's reins. SCENE FIVE "JANET'S ROOM" Voices in BLACKOUT. JANET'S: Oh Brad - Oh yes - Yes my darling - What if.. BRAD'S: It's all right Janet - everything's going to be all right. JANET'S: Oh I hope so my darling. I'm so fri... (Lights UP) You! FRANK: I'm afraid so Janet but wasn't it nice... JANET: You beast - you monster - what have you done with Brad? FRANK: Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should? JANET: You tricked me - I wouldn't have - I've never - never. FRANK: I know - but it wasn't all bad was it? Not really even half bad - in fact, I think perhaps you found it quite - pleasurable - Mmm - so soft so - sensual. JANET: Ahh - no - stop - I mean help - I - Brad - Ohhhh - Brad. FRANK: Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now - do you wan't him to see you like this. JANET: Like this? Like how? It's your fault you're to blame... I was - saving my self. FRANK: Well I'm sure you're not spent yet and it was an enjoyable experience was it not? (Lights DIM) You did like it didn't you. There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure - is there? We could try for an action replay - Oh Janet you've wasted so much time already - Brad needn't know. I won't tell him, Mmmm. (BLACKOUT) JANET: Are you sure you won't tell him. Ohhh... SCENE SIX "BRAD'S ROOM" Voices in BLACKOUT. JANET'S: Oh Brad - Oh yet - Yes my darling. BRAD'S: It's all right Janet everything's going to be all right. JANET'S: I hope so my darling. (Lights UP) BRAD: You! FRANK: I'm afraid so Brad - but wasn't it nice. BRAD: Why you - What have you done with Janet? FRANK: Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should? BRAD: You tricked me, I wouldn't have - I've never - never. FRANK: I know - but it wasn't all bad was it? Not really even half bad, in fact, I think you found it quite pleasurable - Oh so soft - so sensual. BRAD: Ah. No - stop. I mean - Janet - Ohh Janet. FRANK: Shhh - Janet's probably asleep by now - Do you want her to see you like this? BRAD: Like this - Like how - It's your fault. You're to blame - I thought it was the real thing. FRANK: A bottle of coke? Oh come on Brad admit it. It was enjoyable wasn't it? You liked it didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure - is there? (Lights DIM) We could try for an action replay. Oh Brad you've wasted so much time already - Janet needn't know. I won't tell her - Mmm... (Blackout) BRAD: Are you sure you won't tell her - Ohhh... RIFF RAFF: (on intercom) Master - The labooratory is empty. Rocky has vanished - the new playmate is loose and somewhere in the building. FRANK: Oh - Wow - What a - Mmm - Oh - Coming. SCENE SEVEN Laboratory. Enter JANET. JANET: What's happening here - Where's Brad? - Where's anybody? If only we hadn't made this journey - if only the car hadn't broken down - if only we were amongst friends or sane persons. NARRATOR: "If" and "only" - two small words - words that kept repeating themselves again and again in Janet's thoughts - but it was too late to go back now - it were as if she were riding a giant tidal wave, it would be folly to fight against it - her only chance would be to ride it out - adapt - and perhaps also - survive. (Enter ROCKY) ROCKY: Oh! It's you - look I'm trying to hide from my creator and his minion - they scare me - I feel that all is not well here. I have been thinking a lot about - (Eddie) I have a feeling of foreboding. JANET: It's all like some terrible dream. ROCKY: Is it true you don't like men with too many muscles? JANET: Well... ROCKY: Have you got any lip gloss? JANET: I'm engaged to Brad, just the same as Betty Munroe was to Ralf Hapshatt. But Frank's kisses overwhelmed me with an ecstasy I had never dreamed of before - hot burning kisses - I could see Brad's face before me, and my mind screamed - No!! - but my lips were hungry, too hungry - I wanted to be loved, and loved completely - my body throbbed excitedly - Oh Brad, Brad my darling how could I have done this to you. ROCKY: This room is a womb to me. JANET: Yes - there you see, it's instinctive - you returned here for one thing - security. Oh where's Brad - (She fiddles with TV monitor) What have they done with him? NARRATOR: Janet's feelings ran wild as she frantically manipu- lated the selector switch on the T.V. monitor - The screen threw up images of empty rooms and corridors - finally she stopped - at Frank's bedroom. (sees FRANK kissing BRAD) Aaahhh!! ROCKY: Oh you can't rely on anyone. JANET: Oh Brad! - how could you? NARRATOR: If one is suffering the pangs of remorse for a sexual indiscretion - it ould seem logical that the transgressor would be sympathetic toward a loved one caught in a similar misdemeanour - But emotion is an irrational and powerful master - and from what Janet witnessed on the monitor - there seemed little doubt that she was indeed its slave. JANET: I was feeling done in Coudn't win I'd only ever kissed before I thought there's no use getting into heavy petting It only leads to trouble And seat wetting. Now all I want to know Is how to go I've tasted blood and I want more I'll put up no resistance I want to stay the distance I've got an itch to scratch And I need assistance CHORUS: Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a - Touch me. I want to be dirty Thrill me chill me fulfil me Creature of the night. Then if anything grows When you pose I'll oil you up and rub you down And that's just one small fraction Of the main attraction You need a friendly hand And I need action. REPEATS. (CHORUS. After Janet has sung it at least once by herself, ROCKY comes in with ("Hot Patootie Bless My Soul, I Really Love that Rock and Roll") and sings it against Touch-a Touch-a etc.) BLACKOUT SCENE EIGHT RIFF RAFF: Aaaggghhh - Mercy! FRANK: (with whip) How did it happen - I understood you were to be watching. RIFF RAFF: I was only away for a moment. FRANK: See if you can find him on the monitor. (Click - Brad's empty room - switch - switch - switch - Janet's room) FRANK: Oh Bradlette RIFF RAFF: I've located him in the female's quarters, Master. FRANK: Rocky!! BRAD: Janet!! How could she. That's it - it's over. NARRATOR: Over! What was over? Not the night that was certain. Brad and Janet's engagement? Their love for one another? Who could say - for questions such as these are not to be answered by the academic they must be left for the heart to solve and Brad you may be sure, had plenty of heart. BRAD: Once in a while She don't want to call you Speaking on the telephone And once in your life She won't want to know you You look around The one you found she is gone And that's all the time That it takes For a heart to turn to stone The sweeter the wine The harder to make the break You hear someting About someone you thought you'd known So baby don't cry Like there's no tomorrow After the night there's brand new day And there'll be no pain And no more sorrow So wash your face And phone my place. It'll be okay. And that's all the time That it takes For a heart to beat again So give me a sign That a lover makes You look around the one Found is back again... FRANK: How maudlin - how pathetic - Your baggage has dared to defile my beautiful creature - oh Rocky how could you. (Static - on monitor - outside - a figure creeping toward hidden camera) RIFF RAFF: Master - we have a visitor BRAD: Great Scott - Scotty - Dr. Evrett Scott. RIFF RAFF: You know this earth - this person? BRAD: Yes, I do he's an old friend of mine. FRANK: I see - so this wasn't simply a chance meeting - you came here with a purpose. BRAD: That's not true - my car broke down - I told you. FRANK: I know what you told me, Brad - but this Dr. Evrett Scott, his name is not unknown to me. BRAD: He was a science teacher at Denton High. FRANK: And he now works for your Government - doesn't he, Brad? He's attached to the bureau of the investigation of that which you call U.F.O's - that's right, isn't it, Brad? BRAD: He might be - I don't know. RIFF RAFF: The intruder is entering the building, Master. FRANK: Ah he's in the Zen room. Seal off all exits - and all doors - except for those that lead here - Riff Raff - bring Rocky and Janet here - I think we should make this a social occasion. The three unexpected guests shall entertain us with a floor show - which I shall direct. SCENE NINE Enter DOCTOR SCOTT in wheelchair COLUMBIA pushing him. COLUMBIA: Hi - Ho - Silver. BRAD: Dr. Scott! SCOTTY: Brad - what are you doing here? FRANK: Don't play games, Dr. Scott. It was part of your plan, was it not, that Brad Majors and his female should check the layout for you - unfortunately for you all there is to be a change of plans - I'm sure you're adaptable, Dr. Scott - I know Brad is. SCOTTY: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. As does the set up you have here - I didn't exptct it to be quite so... FRANK: Sophisticated - Dr. Scott? Or should I say Dr. Von Scott? BRAD: What exactly are you implying? SCOTTY: That's alright, Brad... Ah - this machine here... BRAD: What do you think it is, Doc? SCOTTY: At this precise moment it's hard to tell - but it seems to be made of a metal that is not of this earth - I would say that it was from another planet. (Doors OPEN. Enter JANET) JANET: Dr. Scott!! SCOTTY: Janet! FRANK: Rocky! ROCKY: Piss off. FRANK: Listen - I made you and I can break you just as easily - I'll pull your plug out SCOTTY: I suppose you intend to do with us as you did with Eddie. COLUMBIA: Eddie! MAGENTA & RIFF RAFF: Sshhh. BRAD: Eddie - I've seen him, he looks terrible. FRANK: What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott? SCOTTY: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things - you see Eddie happened to be my nephew. BRAD: Dr. Scott! SCOTTY: Yes, Brad - my sister's boy. I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined - aliens. BRAD: Tell them, Doc. SCOTTY: From the day he was born, he was trouble He was the thorn in his mother's side. She tried in vain, NARRATOR: But he never caused her nothing but pain. SCOTTY: He left home the day she died. From the day she was gone All he wanted Was a rockin' roll porn and a motor bike. Shootin' up junk, NARRATOR: He was a low down cheap little punk. SCOTTY: Taking everyone for a ride. CHORUS: When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy, You knew he was a no good kid. When he threatened your life with a switch blade knife, FRANK: What a guy. JANET: Made you cry. SCOTTY: And I did. COLUMBIA: Everybody shoved him. I very nearly loved him. I say hey listen to me Stay sane inside insanity. But he shut the door and threw away the key. SCOTTY: But he must have been drawn in to something. Making him warn me in a note which read ALL: What's it say, What's it say. SCOTTY: I'm out of my head. NARRATOR: Hurry or I may be dead. SCOTTY: They mustn't carry out their evil deeds. Chorus (Repeat) FRANK: What a guy, JANET: Made you cry, SCOTTY: And I did. (Repeat) FRANK: Say a prayer for Eddie, I just defrosted him. (He pulls out a bag of blood and gore) His destiny is in the bag. MAGENTA: I'll put him down the waste disposal. FRANK: Clever girl. BRAD: Why you... FRANK: (Flicks a switch) There, that should restrain you all. JANET: My feet - there's something wrong with my feet. SCOTTY: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels. BRAD: It's as if we were glued to the spot. FRANK: You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools - O.K. it's startime - Riff Raff set the sonic transducer on programme 8 secure all levels at zero - MAGENTA: Relax. SCOTTY: You won't find earth people quite the easy mark that you imagine - this sonic transducer! It is I suppose some type of audio vibratory physiomolecular transport device! FRANK: You'd better believe it, baby. BRAD: You mean...? SCOTTY: Yes, Brad - it's something we ourselves have been working on. But it seems our friend here has found a way of perfecting it - a device that is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through space and who knows, perhaps even time itself. JANET: You're going to send us to another planet? FRANK: Planet - Shmanet Janet Tell you once Won't tell you twice You'd better wise up Janet Weiss Y'apple pie Don't taste too nice You'd better wise up Janet Weiss I've laid the seed It should be all you need You're as sensual As a pencil Wound up like an 'E' or first string When we made it Did ja hear a bell ring? Y' got a block Take my advice You'd better wise up Janet Weiss The transducer Will seduce yah It's something you'll get used to A mental mind-fuck can be nice You'd better wise up - Janet Weiss You'd better wise up Build your thighs up You'd better wise up NARRATOR: And then she cries out. JANET: Stop!! FRANK: Don't get hot and flustered Use a bit of mustard. ALL: *You're a hot dog (Voices building) But you'd better not try to hurt her Frank Furter (* This keeps repeating and one by one they are released by FRANK signalling MAGENTA to pull the switch - in turn they make for FRANK and are sprayed by RIFF RAFF and become drugged. He rushes them into the transducer entrance) (MAGENTA keeps singing after everyone else has stopped) FRANK: Magenta, relax. (RIFF RAFF sprays her) Columbia - The artistes are in a molecular state somewhere between entrance and exit. (RIFF RAFF sprays her) When they've pulled themselves together - see that they are prepared for the floorshow. COLUMBIA: Oh Wow - I can dig it - much - far out - what a gas - that's groovy - I'm hip, man - it's like a trip - oh nice one - freak out baby - dig you later. FRANK: It's not easy having a good time - even smiling makes my face ache - and my children turn on me - Rocky's behaving just as Eddie did - maybe I made a mistake in splitting his brain between the two of them. MAGENTA: When do we return to Transalvania? - I grow weary of this world. FRANK: Magenta I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Riff Raff - you have both served me well - loyalty such as yours must be rewarded, and you will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous. MAGENTA: I ask for nothing, Master. FRANK: And you shall receive it in abundance - come - our guests will be growing restless. (exits) (MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF look at one another - they make an extraterrestial sign. EXIT) NARRATOR: And so, by some extraordinary coincidence - fate it seems had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their friend Dr. Evrett Scott. But, it was to be in a situation which none of them could have possibly foreseen - And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement Brad and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit - This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals and some persuasion - What further indignities were they to be subjected to... ? - And what of the sonic transducer and the floorshow that had been spoken of? - What indeed? - From what had gone before it was clear that this was to be no picnic. SCENE TEN (Each enters singly - wearing black stocking and suspenders and black underwear and finally they become a slow-motion chorus line.) COLUMBIA: It was great When it all began I was a regular Franky Fan But it was over when he had the plan To start working on a muscle-man Now the only thing that gives me hope Is my love of a certain dope Rose tints my world keeps me Safe from my trouble and pain. ROCKY: I'm just seven hours old Truly beautiful to behold And somebody should be told My libido hasn't been controlled Now the only thing I've come to trust Is an orgasmic rush of lust Rose tints my world keeps me Safe from my trouble and pain. BRAD: It's beyond me Help me mommy I'll be good you'll see Take this dream away What's this, let's see I feel sexy What's come over me Here it comes again JANET: I feel released Bad times deceased My confidence has increased Reality is here The game has been disbanded My mind has been expanded It's a gas that Frankie's landed His lust is so sincere

FRANK: What ever happened to Fay Wray That delicate satin draped frame As it clung to her thigh How I started to cry For I wanted to be dressed just the same. Give yourself over to absolute pleasure Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh Erotic nightmares beyond any measure And sensual daydreams to treasure forever - Can't you just see it. Don't dream it - Be it Don't dream it - Be it Don't dream it - Be it (This continues fading slowly and through this comes SCOTTY's thoughts - as he sings, the blanket reveals his stocking-clad legs) SCOTTY: Hmm.. We've got to get out of this trap Before this decadence saps our wills I've got to be strong and try to hang on Or my mind may well snap And my life will be lived for the thrills BRAD: It's beyond me Help me mommy JANET: God bless Lili St. Cyr. FRANK: (screaming) MY MY MY MY I'm a wild and an untamed thing I'm a bee with a deadly sting Get a hit, and your mind goes ping Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing So let the party and the sounds rock on Gonna shake it till the life has gone Rose tint my world Keep me safe from my trouble and pain. (They all sing "We're a wild and an untamed thing" - right through twice. RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA enter dressed in extraterrestial national costume) RIFF RAFF: Frank n Furter It's all over Your mission is a failure Your life style's too extreme I'm your new commander You now are my prisoner We return to Transalvania Prepare the transit beam. (ALL freeze) FRANK: Wait - I can explain (He is left alone) On the day I went away ALL: Goodbye FRANK: Was all I had to say ALL: Now I FRANK: Want to come again and stay ALL: Oh my FRANK: Smile and that will mean I may I've seen blue skies Throught the tears in my eyes And I realise I'm going home Everywhere it's been the same ALL: Feeling FRANK: Like I'm outside in the rain ALL: Wheeling FRANK: Free to try and find a game ALL: Dealing FRANK: Cards for sorrow cards for pain I've seen blue skies Through the tears in my eyes And I realise - I'm going home I'm going home I'm going home SCENE ELEVEN MAGENTA: How sentimental. RIFF RAFF: And also presumptious of you - you see when I said 'we' were to return I referred only to Magenta and myself - I'm sorry however if you found my words misleading - you see you are to remain here - in spirit anyway - (He produces a ray gun) SCOTTY: Great heavens - that's a laser. RIFF RAFF: Yes, Dr. Scott, a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter. BRAD: You mean you're going to kill him? - What's his crime. FRANK: Oh Brad. SCOTTY: You saw what had become of Eddie - Society must be protected. RIFF RAFF: Exactly, Dr Scott - Now Frank-n-Furter, your time has come - say goodbye to all this - and hello to oblivion. FRANK: Do your worst - inferior one. COLUMBIA: No!! No!! (She throws herself between RIFF RAFF and FRANK - BLATTT - She and FRANK are both killed. ROCKY bellows and beats his chest, picks up FRANK. RIFF RAFF fires again and again until finally ROCKY dies. Spectacularly) BRAD: Good God. RIFF RAFF: Yes. JANET: You've killed them. MAGENTA: I thought you liked them - they liked you. RIFF RAFF: (screams) They didn't like me - They never liked me. You saw the way things were - the way they were going SCOTTY: You did right. RIFF RAFF: A decision had to be made. SCOTTY: You're O.K. by me. RIFF RAFF: Dr. Scott I'm sorry about our nephew. SCOTTY: Yes - perhaps it's for the best. RIFF RAFF: You should leave now, Dr. Scott While it is still possible We are about to beam the entire house Back to the planet of transexual In the galaxy of Transalvania Go now - (RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA look at one another. They start to laugh quietly - it builds) MAGENTA: I wonder if I remembered to lock up the dogs - (they laugh louder) RIFF RAFF: No matter, Magenta - activate the transit crystal. BRAD: I've done a lot God knows I've tried To find the truth I've even lied But all I know Is down inside ALL: I'm bleeding JANET: And super heroes Come to feast To taste the flesh Not yet deceased And all I know Is still the beast ALL: Is feeding Ahh Ahh etc. ... (Chant) NARRATOR: And crawling on the planets face Some insects called the human race Lost in time And lost in space ALL: And meaning. (SCOTTY, BRAD and JANET are left alone with nothing but the wind.) BLACKOUT EPILOGUE MAGENTA: Science Fiction - double feature (As Usherette) Frank has built and lost his creature Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet The servants gone to a distant planet Oh - at the late night double feature Picture show - I want to go - Ohh - To the late night double feature picture show. THE END