My colleague Jeffrey Goldberg has nominated me for the honor of going through TSA "enhanced intimate pat-down" procedures on Opt-Out Day while wearing my ancestral garb* of a kilt.

To which I say, Hmmmm.

For the record, and by wild chance, KiltMart.com happens to have a picture of how it might look that day. In addition to numerous Mackenzie-plaid ties, shirts, caps, and so on, I do indeed possess my Clan Mackenzie tartan kilt like the one shown below -- and I also have a nice leather aviator jacket, like the one this model appears (weirdly) to be wearing. I am short on the sporran -- the purse-like thing about which the less said the better.

Only if Jeff Goldberg agrees to convert to Scottishism will I discuss with him the details of "going commando" and so on. Otherwise that is between me and the TSA. (You have not imagined true comic genius until you've seen Goldberg and me trading Borscht Belt one-liners about the comparative miserliness of our respective ethnic backgrounds. Hardee har!)

[* OK, I'm not "pure" Scottish -- just half, via my mother, Jean Mackenzie -- but that's more than I am anything else, and it's enough. And, yes, I realize it's not an aviator jacket, but a guy can dream.]

To wax earnest for a moment: here are things I know, first hand, about airport procedures in the rest of the world, versus what's becoming standard via the TSA.