Which MASH Character Are You?

About the M*A*S*H Quiz

The M*A*S*H Quiz was first released on February 26, 2002. Within two days, it had reached well over 500 web users and was introduced to a key sub-category of the Yahoo directory (which took some doing back in the day). From there it began to tick over with an average of 100 visitors each day. By the end of 2004, it had reached a total of 115,000 unique visitors. That was over a decade ago, when I stopped counting.

But enough number-crunching and showing off. The fun-ambulance has just arrived in the compound and you’re here to find out which M*A*S*H character you most represent. To begin triage, all you have to do is answer a few questions and click a button. Let’s go, people…

QUIZ: Which MASH Character Are You?

Your drink of choice is:

Non-alcoholic

Beer

Fine liquor

Home-made gin

I’m drunk right now!

–

You are presented with the opportunity for cheap and tawdry sex while on leave in Seoul. What do you do?

Sex? What’s sex?

Resist temptation

You do it, but blame ‘this damn war’ and agonise about it for days afterwards

You do it, but hire a private eye to make sure your partner isn’t doing the same while you’re away

You do it, but restrict your activities to consensual congress between fellow officers

I’m naked already!

–

You are presented with a tough, possibly life or death, decision. Do you:

Rely on someone else to make the decision

Do what’s morally right, no matter what the consequences

Choose the path of least resistance

Go by the regulations, that’s what they’re for, after all

Make a balanced choice based on your years of experience

–

There’s something you really need, but can’t afford. Do you:

Improvise

Steal it

Ask Radar to help

Get on the horn and start trading – failing that, you steal it

Win it in a poker game

Can’t *afford* it? Do you know who you’re talking to?

–

You spend your recreation time:

Having fun

Watching other people have fun

With leisurely pursuits according to your tastes

Improving yourself

Getting hammered

Having sex

Getting hammered and having sex

Recreation time? What’s that?

–

Who would you rather spend your spare time with:

Myself

Equals and contemporaries

Whoever’s buying drinks

My poker buddies

A well-built nurse

Both of the above if time allows

–

A man is brought in suffering from combat fatigue. Do you:

Give him a stern talking to

Treat his wounds, but that’s all

Reach out to him

Try to cure him in order to silence your own inner demons

Put in a call to Dr Sidney Freedman

Lend him one of your comic books

Wear a nice dress to cheer him up

–

Someone has wronged you. Do you:

Confront them and/or talk to them about it

Forgive them

Report them

Assign them extra duties

Take them for everything they’ve got in a high-stakes poker game

Play an elaborate practical joke on them

Stew about it and await a chance for revenge

–

You have a ‘mufti day’ and can wear whatever you want. You choose to wear:

Full uniform – someone has to set an example

Whatever you normally wear

A tuxedo or dress suit

Whatever fun ensemble you can throw together

A combination of all your old uniforms

A tight sweater

A really, really nice dress

–

You live in an insane, some would think intolerable, situation. Do you:

Try to get out of it anyway you can

Make other people feel bad – it eases the pain

Wear it as best you can, and with good humour

Find solace in soothing distractions

Buck the system wherever possible

Complain to a higher authority

I am the higher authority – I just deal with it

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