''We have to change those ideals. You cannot look for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect. So we ask our women to play softer, to play a little dumb if possible.'' Aging Nerds

In Singapore, she said, men tend to concentrate on their careers, to spend their time at their computer terminals, and to have little knowledge of social graces.

''Some men come to us at the age of 30 and say they have never had a date,'' Mrs. Wang said. ''They are scorned as nerds. They do not know how to behave, what to do with girls. We have a lot of nerds around here.''

So, she said, ''we try to teach them - maybe not to be Prince Charmings, but we teach them to be halfway, and not be frogs.''

Mr. Lim, a quality surveyor for the Defense Ministry, 29 years old and single, is a prime prospect.

On the day of the interview, he was in Mrs. Wang's office, going through a book of snapshots of a recent five-day seminar he attended on ''personal effectiveness.'' Let's Not Procrastinate

''They were frank and direct,'' Mr. Lim said. ''You are in this for one thing: you are in this to be paired off as early as possible.'''

Mrs. Wang reminded him: ''But we leave it to you whom to choose. We are not going to tell you whom to pair off with.''