Guest Post By Ella Jameson

What comes to mind when you think of sexual fantasies? You probably have one (or several…) and depending on your sexual preferences it will likely be very different from the next person’s. Back in the day these fancies would lie dormant in the deepest, darkest corners of our minds, but these days we have become more and more open with our private fantasies.

Couples experiencing sexual problems are encouraged to share their most intimate desires to re-establish connection and a spark, and numerous couples insist that it was the sharing – and acting out! – of these fantasies that saved their relationship.

Image courtesy of eflon

So what are these fantasies exactly? Are they very different for men and women? Yes, is the short answer, but perhaps not as different as you may think…

Domination

“I’m a fairy princess in a forest and I’m riding on a unicorn. Suddenly I see a pirate in buckskins, a prince in disguise. That’s when you pull me off my unicorn, you tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your Schooner deep inside my Rebecca.”

Sound particularly sexy? No, didn’t think so. The quote above is the sexual fantasy of Sex and the City’s Charlotte York, and if you imagined this was a romantic daydream shared by many women, you couldn’t be more wrong.

‘Women are just as filthy as men, if not more,’ says Laura, who works on the side as a sex chat operator. ‘I think a lot of people still think that women want some handsome prince to sweep them off their feet and treat them like a lady, but in my experience it’s the opposite!’

So what do women want then?

‘Women want to be fucked!’ Laura says with vigour. ‘And usually by a big burly brute, not some docile gent who asks permission to enter you. Fantasies aren’t meant to be a reflection of reality – things we might hate in real life we often love during sex.’

Being dominated seems to be the most common fantasy for a woman, according to Laura anyway:

‘All my female friends, while they class themselves as feminists in ‘real life’, get turned on by the idea of being dominated by a man. In real life we might hate that, but sexually it’s a whole different ball game. It’s probably a really primitive urge, the idea of a big, strong, assertive caveman we can procreate with!’

Voyeurism

The idea of a sexual fantasy being at odds with real life seems standard:

‘My friend Katie is one of the shyest people you could ever meet, but she’s a crazy exhibitionist in her fantasies,’ says Laura. ‘According to her, there is only thing hotter than watching other people have sex – and that’s being watched yourself!’

It seems this is common notion. Sexual fantasies allow us to tap into the forbidden, the taboo, or simply things we perceive as ‘naughty’. The idea of having sex somewhere where you could be caught, or somewhere where people can see, is exciting and dangerous and the sexual thrill it provides is just as effective for men as it is to women.

Image courtesy of Doe, John

Laura agrees:

‘When I speak to a man on the phone, we often get into sexual fantasy-territory, and watching or being watched comes up a lot. It seems to be the most common fantasy that men and women both share, so if a couple are looking to spice up their sex lives, that’s probably the best fantasy to start off with!

Threesomes

So what is the ultimate male fantasy? It may not come as a surprise to know that for most men, the idea of sex with more than one woman tops the list.

‘In my experience, men are far more visual than women, so to have two women (and sometimes three!) beside them as they act out their sexual desires is a real turn-on for guys. Women can enjoy threesomes too, but generally they are much fussier than men about the rules! When I speak to a man on the phone about threesome fantasies, their dream partners are usually lesbians – which may not make as much sense as a threesome with two straight women, who would surely get more out of it, but we all know how much men love lesbians…’

After being regaled with some of her most frequent clients’ fantasies (all strictly anonymous, of course) and those of her friends, it becomes apparent that Laura’s first statement is true: women are just as filthy as men – but there’s one key difference…

For women, sex with one person is usually enough in their own private fantasies; they are very open to experimenting with role-playing, domination (from both sides) and taking risks, but generally a sole sexual partner is the unifying factor in most fantasies. For men, not much can beat the excitement of having sex with more than one woman – this was the number one fantasy for both single men and those in relationships.

Interestingly, for men in relationships it was the sexual interaction between their girlfriend and the ‘guest’ that they stated was the biggest turn-on, not the act of having sex with the guest themselves; this may be somewhat reassuring for a woman considering making her partner’s number one sexual fantasy a reality!

(With thanks to 121 Girls for their cooperation)

Further Reading : Love Does Not Conquer All

Ella Jameson is a writer, blogger and contributor to many different websites, blogs and magazines. After graduating from university with a degree in English Literature, Ella worked as an editor and copywriter for several years before becoming a freelance journalist.