I should probably say right up top that despite the hype, teenagers are not engaging in intercourse more often or at a younger age than they were 25 years ago. They are, however, engaging in other behavior. And when we ignore that, when we label that as "not sex," that opens the door to risky behavior and disrespect. That's particularly true of oral sex, which teenagers consider to be less intimate than intercourse. Girls would tell me, "it's no big deal," like they'd all read the same instruction manual — at least if boys were on the receiving end. Young women have lots of reasons for participating. It made them feel desired; it was a way to boost social status. Sometimes, it was a way to get out of an uncomfortable situation. As a freshman at a West Coast college said to me, "A girl will give a guy a blow job at the end of the night because she doesn't want to have sex with him, and he expects to be satisfied. So, if I want him to leave and I don't want anything to happen ... " I heard so many stories of girls performing one-sided oral sex that I started asking, "What if every time you were alone with a guy, he told you to get him a glass of water from the kitchen, and he never got you a glass of water — or if he did, it was like ... 'you want me to uh ...?'" You know, totally begrudging. You wouldn't stand for it.