Transcript

Think the ideal body for women in this society

is totally smooth.

Real smooth, baby skin, no hair.

Porcelain skin, soft skin, pretty much thin,

petite, no body hair.

For a, the majority of the world, like,

a completely unrealistic beauty standard to hold oneself to,

so that's great for capitalism.

What you see in the media is these men with, like,

stubble and smooth chest hair, and then when the woman

has chest hair, or body hair, leg hair, armpit hair,

they are associated with, you know,

lack of hygiene, lack of self-care.

Right now, you're seen as, like,

a hipster trying to follow a trend.

People tell me I'm trying hard, but it's,

I'm literally doing nothing.

When I was younger, I moved to a new town.

My first day, like, all these boys were passing notes

to me, like, saying how hot I was.

So that was, I feel like, maybe the first, like,

inclination of, like, oh, I'm supposed to be, like,

this hot girl that, like the boys want.

It was just kind of a position

that I had been placed in.

Like, I didn't really have to fight for it.

I grew up in a very white community.

All of my friends were, had, like, blonde hair

and just, like, looked really good all the time,

like, without trying, and I was somebody who had to, like,

prepare two hours to wake up early to like,

make sure I had no hair on my face.

And I wanted to be like these girls.

It was like survival tactics.

My culture, and a lot of cultures that are similar,

Hispanic, Caribbean cultures, they had their period,

and it was, like, bad.

Like, you essentially went from this young child

that they didn't really have to worry so much about

to this young woman.

It was just, like, don't have sex.

We're not gonna have this conversation.

You're menstruating, I'm not gonna talk to you about it.

Here's a pad, and shave yourself when you go outside,

because that's what you're supposed to do.

I feel like I started shaving end of elementary school,

like, beginning of middle school.

And I remember, like, sitting in my mom's bathtub

and, like, using her razor, and, like doing it,

not necessarily behind her back, but, like,

not telling her that I was doing it.

And I remember shaving, you know, like,

my vagina for the first time and stuff

at, like, a very young age, just because I thought that,

like, I heard, like boys at school talking

about it or something.

I would just get looks, like, oh, like,

what's that on her arm, like, that's really gross.

You know, it would be summertime,

and we'd be wearing a skirt, and I would feel

so much shame.

I remember pressuring and pressuring and pressuring my mom,

please, please please please, and I remember the first time

that she allowed me to shave, how happy I was.

There was a point where I was literally shaving,

like, here down.

I was shaving everything: my legs, like, my arms,

my stomach hair.

I have a kind of, like, stubbles here, but I don't really,

I didn't touch those, 'cause they were so light.

My back, oh, yeah, that was so hard.

Shaving your back is really difficult,

and I wouldn't even shave my back in the shower.

I would have to shave it in the sink, because I had to look

and make sure there were no patches,

because if I had patches, that means people would know

I was shaving, but I couldn't let people know I was shaving.

I needed to show people that I was born without body hair.

[Woman] Oh, wow.

So, like, I got my pubes waxed, like pretty early,

full-on, like, everything, Brazilian, yes,

and it just sucked, it was so painful.

It was crazy, 'cause whenever I would come home,

I would just, like, lie in bed and just think

about what I was doing and accepting it,

that it was, like, okay, this has just become a part

of my life, even though it hurts so much.

It just got to the point where, I feel like

if you do something that's so impractical for long enough,

it's just, like, why am I doing this?

Like, I'm wasting precious moments of my day, like,

doing all of this when I'm probably just gonna

throw on some jeans and, like, leave the house.

When I transitioned into college,

I became less self-conscious and I just didn't care.

I was like, I cannot keep up with this routine.

This is too much for me.

I stopped the practice of removing my body hair,

so my body hair was just, like, it was there.

It was existing, and then I was also creating,

like, in conjunction to, like, to being that person,

the person who was healing, letting go

of social construct and society standards.

I was struggling with acne, and that was a huge problem

for me, and I was trying to conform to what, the,

kinda this fashion industry standard of myself.

That was in the period where I was, like, taking 45 minutes

to do my makeup every morning, just to put on, like a base.

The stopping shaving thing wasn't, like, a radical,

like, I'm gonna stop shaving now.

Grew out my armpit hair, and then, like, maybe shaved once,

and then was, like, actually, why don't I just do that?

Like, I regret it.

It was very much, like, me trying to accept myself fully.

Even though I believed in all these things,

if I'm packing on makeup every morning, or shaving every day

to, like, just feel like I can lift my arm

in front of people, like, it just goes against

what I'm, like, what I believe in.

People would call me, like, unhygienic.

People would say, you know, I'm disgusting, people would.

I remember I found this crazy one in Spanish, like,

just calling me, like, a dirty fucking pig, or,

then family gets involved, and they get involved

because it's, like, are, is she okay?

Like, is her safety okay?

And it's just, like, I think I'm safe,

but I don't even know because it's hate coming

from all these different sides.

When I stopped shaving my leg hair, there was, like,

a moment that I was, like, laying in bed and looking

at my legs, and was, like, oh,

I kinda wanna shave right now, just to feel,

like, a bit more sensual.

And then I was, like, why do I think that having no hair

on my legs would make me more sensual,

when in reality, like, this is my most natural,

like, most sensual form that I could possibly ever be in?

Women grow hair, then women decide to shave.

Like, that's not something women do.

That's something they were told to do at some point.

Every time I walk downstairs in shorts in my house,

my mom's like, will tell my grandmother, like,

look at her hair, and my grandma's just, like,

that's how it used to be!

I remember one time showering with one

of my ex-boyfriends, and I was like,

I feel like shaving today.

And he's like, why?

Why do you wanna shave?

And it was like, oh, because I can do whatever I want,

that's why.

There is somebody that I'm interested in,

and I'm, like, nervous, it's like,

what if he doesn't like the hair on my legs?

Like, what if he thinks that's gross?

But I also wouldn't wanna be with somebody

who thinks that, so (chuckles).

For me personally, I'm not gonna be with someone

that has a problem with it.

They can go fuck themselves, yeah.

I mean, some days I still struggle.

I think people are under the impression

that I have it figured out.

I don't at all, but I think deep down,

like, when I'm with myself, I think I feel more whole

and beautiful than I've ever felt.

My name is Ayqa Khan.

My name is Monica Hernandez.

I'm Alexandra Marzella.

And I'd like to dispel the myth that--

You don't have a choice as to how you wanna look.