Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face

Thanks For Behaving So Predictably Badly Face

Stop Looking At the Clock While I’m Talking Face

This is All a Bunch of Bureaucratic Nonsense Face

You Haven’t Told Me Anything That I Didn’t Already Know Face

I Would Prefer Not to Face

A Smidge of Self-Awareness Would Not Go Amiss Face

The Situations Are Really Not Analogous Face

Please Tip a Bottle of Bourbon Down My Throat Immediately Face

Your Tone Raises Some Real Questions Face

I’m Just Now Registering That Horrible Thing You Did Face

That Is Not What I Meant At All Face

All the Things You Just Said About Your Baby Are Really Very Interesting Face

This Email Is Surely a Joke Face

Your Facebook Page Makes Me Not Like You Face

You’re Clearly Struggling With My Failure to Conform to Your Stupid Expectations Face

That Is Only Going to Make Things So Much Worse Face

Please Stop Touching My Knee Face

That Compliment Strikes Me As Sort of a Dig Face

Thanks So Much For Your Unsolicited Advice Face

What Would the Point of That Really Be Face

I Can’t Believe I Have to Fill Out Another Effing Form Face

Yes This Is What I’m Wearing Face

I’m Trying Not to Judge You But I Am Face

No I Don’t Really Think That’s How All of Humanity Is Face

Sorry Your Authority Is Such a Burden For You Face

You’re So Right That It’s Amazing That I’m Pretty and Not Married Face

Way to Tip Fifteen Percent On Your Bill Before Taxes Face

The Best Lack All Conviction Face

You Are Still Talking About Yourself Face

This Is an Astonishing Waste of Time Face

For the Love of God Please No More Platitudes Face

You Really Know Nothing On This Subject Face

I Don’t Really Know Where You’re Going With This Face

Please Do Keep Checking Your Phone Face

Tell Me Again About How as a Man You’re Terrible at Administrative Labor Face

This Other Email Is Surely a Joke Too Face

Would It Have Been Worthwhile Face

Will You Be Talking For Much Longer Face

Your Unquestioned Assumptions Are Astonishing Face

I Don’t Have The Energy to Give You the Approval You Need Face

Tell Me Again About That Thing I Didn’t Care About the First Time Face

Please Stop Touching My Shoulder Face

I Would Do Well to Question Your Motives Face

You Would Do Well to Question Your Motives Face

Way to Not Say Thank You Face

My Dog Is Not My Baby Face

There Are Far Too Many Steps In This Process Face

I Need a Cheeseburger and Possibly Two Face

What You Just Said Makes No Sense to Me Face

You Are Correct That You Do Not Need to Wait In This Line Face

This Smile Must Look Fake Because It Totally Is Face

Please Don’t Make Me Talk to The Trader Joe’s Checkout Person Face

This Too Is All a Bunch of Bureaucratic Nonsense Face

You Are Definitely Mistaken There Face

Your Premise Could Not Possibly Be More Flawed Face

Don’t Stand So Close to Me Face

The Vacation You Just Told Me About Is My Worst Nightmare Face

I Won’t Be Responding to That Email Face

Yes I Really Do Just Want to Sit Here and Read My Book Unmolested Face

This Form Is Designed to Drive Me to Distraction Face

Don’t Feel Obligated to Be On Time Face

Way to Not Say Please Face

I Can’t Believe That People Are Still Allowed to Say Things Like That Face

No Jane Austen Is Not Just For Women You Idiot Face

Your Smugness Reveals More Insecurities Than I Care to Count Face

You Make So Much More Money Than I Do and You Do Nothing Face

You Would Die If You Knew What I’m Thinking Face

The Worst Are Full of Passionate Intensity Face

What You’re Talking About Is So Not What You’re Talking About Face

It Is Impossible to Say Just What I Mean Face

Did You Just Sort of Correct Me Face

I’m So Glad That Is Just Your Opinion Face

I’ll Be Going Now Face