

A real live kid

For the first time in its near 25 years of existence, the Children’s Museum of Memphis has opened a groundbreaking new exhibit, Museum Kidz, which features two dozen hand-selected, living children displayed in various states of play and work. The youngsters, ranging in age from three to ten years old, became legal wards of CMOM earlier this month, and will spend their formative years demonstrating to the public what it’s like to be a child growing up in a museum.

“I think this one’s gonna be a home run,” said CMOM CEO Dick Hackett. “I’ll be honest, our patrons have been a little leery of new ideas ever since Kidz in Orbit went so unexpectedly wrong. We’ve learned our lesson, and we won’t be purchasing active space-shuttle equipment any time soon.”

Opening day drew in hundreds of curious onlookers, who delighted in observing two boys roughhousing in a plexiglas terrarium constructed to resemble a playroom with astonishing accuracy. Those fortunate enough to stay until 3:15 witnessed feeding time, and could purchase handfuls of Cheerios to try their hand at nourishing another human.

“The best part of the Children’s Museum is that it’s interactive,” said one visiting mom, whose own children sported matching leashes. “I’m so glad they let some of the kidz out to play with my Aiden and Grayson. That little girl who works in the bank exhibit is so lifelike!”

But as with all new opportunities, there are challenges to face.

“I’ve heard reports that some of the more feral children have built a nest at the top of the Skyscraper exhibit and are hissing at visitors,” admitted Hackett. “And it’s true, a small cabal has hijacked the TV station exhibit and released a list of demands. Luckily, the signal only broadcasts locally, and they’re still getting the traffic reports out on time.”

Museum Kidz is confirmed through summer of 2014, and may become a permanent fixture depending on public response. Upon turning 18, the participants will be extended the opportunity to join the Pink Palace family, impersonating yellow fever victims, Piggly Wiggly employees and shrunken heads.