Well, the day has come and gone, and everyone is wondering, where did the author of Supercenter Nation go for Black Friday? Well, the answer is nowhere. But only partly because I’m fighting a cold. And it was raining. Hard. While I support efforts of Wal-Mart employees to subvert the Walton family that is wealthier than 40% of America, I discovered that my own grievances with Walmart do not align with those legitimate organizations behind the event, that is, Making Change at Walmart, OUR Walmart, Jobs with Justice, and the United Food and Commercial Workers. Kudos to these groups for looking out for the livelihoods of the average Wal-mart store employee.

If I truly wished to co-opt these demonstrations for my own, personal political agenda, and if I wanted to film myself foisting that agenda on the unsuspecting, if kind-of-asking-for-it public, I need simply wait for somebody to do so themselves and then simply co-opt their message for my own malevolent intentions. It is with great satisfaction having spent Black Friday in my warm house, dreamily poring over bargain advertisements that I may now give you that co-opted message:

Now, while I don’t subscribe to everything, perhaps even nothing this gentleman, Mark Dice, has to say, I find some of his notions fascinating enough to bullet-point for you here. These shoppers are: