Originally published in The Big Book of Sports Lists

1. Jeremy Roenick

“Wake the f— up already. It’s a joke. Wake up. NHL, wake up.” (Following a 2004 game in Buffalo in which he threw a water bottle at referee Blaine Angus because he missed a high stick that knocked his teeth out.)

2. Brian Burke

“I want to point out to the officials that Todd Bertuzzi does not play for Detroit. It just looks like that because he is wearing two or three red sweaters all the time.” (During Vancouver’s 2002 first-round series with Detroit.)

3. Brett Hull

“Brains make up for talent. You can play in this league with a lot of brains and a little talent. All you need is a clue. There are too many morons running things in this league who think that to make it a player has to do 10,000 sit-ups. That’s ridiculous. To make it, you have to have an understanding of the game.”

4. Don Cherry

“I know those guys who wear visors are sweeties, but that’s a little too much.” (After watching Islanders winger Ziggy Palffy celebrate a goal in 2006 by kissing teammate Travis Green.)

5. Chris Chelios

“If I was Gary Bettman, I’d worry about my family or my well-being. He’s going to affect a lot of people and some crazed fan or even a player, who knows, they might take it into their own hands and figure that if they get him out of the way things might get settled. You’d hate to see something like that happen, but he took the job.” (During the 1994-95 lockout.)

6. Chris Pronger

“Where is that, in the minors?” (Responding to a question after the 2010 Stanley Cup final about Chicago Blackhawks forward Adam Burish saying he was going to hit Pronger the next time the two played each other.”)

7. Alex Ovechkin

“Right now I’m scoring goals and I’m the king of the world. And a couple weeks ago I was almost in the toilet. So maybe you just forgot to flush me.”

8. Patrick Roy

“I can’t really hear what Jeremy [Roenick] says because I have my two Stanley Cup rings plugging my ears.” (During Colorado’s 1996 second round series with Chicago.)

9. Sean Avery

“I just wanted to comment on how it’s become like, a common thing in the NHL, for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. But, enjoy the game tonight.” (In Calgary before a 2008 game against Dion Phaneuf and the Flames.)

10. Mark Messier

“We will win tonight.” (Before game six of the 1994 Eastern Conference Final versus the Devils. Messier’s Rangers won.)

11. Mike Millbury

“This is an awful display of hockey by Alex Ovechkin; he should be ashamed of himself… when you’re a big star like this, you don’t have to act like a baby.”

12. Ilya Bryzgalov

“If you see the big picture, our galaxy is like a small, tiny dot in the universe. And you think, like, and we have some problems here on Earth that we worried about? Compared to like… don’t worry, be happy.” (On the 2011 HBO special 24/7 Rangers/Flyers.)

13. Paul Bissonnette

“k got it. if a strip club was open 7 days a week for 24 hours a day. u could spend about 11 years of ur life getting lappers. amazing.” (On Twitter, commenting on Ilya Kovalchuk’s massive free agent deal with the Devils in the summer of 2010.)

14. John Tortorella

“I’m getting tired of the 25 per cent rule. It’s deflating, we need a save.” (Commenting on the goaltending of John Grahame in 2006 during Tampa Bay’s first round series with Ottawa.)

15. Matthew Barnaby

“No doubt it’ll be me.” (Addressing rumours in 1997 that he and another teammate would be the first to run Dominik Hasek in training camp after the Buffalo goalie criticized deposed coach Ted Nolan.)

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