The Malaysian Government revealed today at a routine press conference that they had not yet been able to locate the position of missing jetliner MH370, but on a slightly more positive note, had found the long mythologized Lost City of Atlantis, as well as missing American author and pilot Amelia Earhart.

Malaysian authorities say that Earhart, now aged 116 years old, was found “safe and well” just several hundred kilometres to the east of the Christmas Islands, floating on a makeshift raft that has been identified as her co-pilot, Fred Noonan.

Earhart and Noonan were last seen in Lae, New Guinea, on July 2nd, 1937, but disappeared while flying over the Pacific Ocean during the final leg of their journey to take the longest possible route to the supermarket.

Malaysian Defence Minister Hishamuddin Hussein said that Earhart was located at around 8:15am (MYT) this morning by a team investigating the least remote parts of the Indian Ocean search area.

“She is very cold, and very hungry,” said Hussein of Earhart’s condition. “Obviously, we asked her if she had seen a Boeing 777-200, but she did not know what that was.”

Hussein added that she is “deeply, deeply confused” about what a microwave is.

Earhart and her friend-and-survival-raft are just two of the many objects that Malaysian and international search teams have discovered in the ongoing hunt for a Malaysian Airlines flight that disappeared over the Gulf of Thailand on March 8th.

Aviation search and rescue experts say that the large abundance of findings is likely to do with the unprecedented nature of the search.

“This is probably the first time in history that anyone has spent this long looking through our oceans,” said former US National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) managing director Peter Goelz. “What we’re learning is that, actually, oceans are big, and that, in fact, there are a lot of things in them.”

At today’s press conference, Hussein said that, despite search and rescue’s inability to locate the missing plane in the Indian Ocean, they had found, amongst other things, eight motor vehicles, several species of animal that “do not belong in the water,” and a once-thought-fictional carnivorous island as described in Yann Martel’s Life of Pi.

Over the course of the search, investigators have fished up many false leads that were initially believed to be from the missing flight, including seats, kitchen appliances, barrels, bodies and various pieces of other aircraft.

“What we quickly learnt is that the ocean is actually full of junk,” explained Hussein, adding that authorities had also found an island of plastic bags roughly the size of Brunei.

“So it’s good to know that’s there,” he said.

Malaysia also said today that it had found what it believed to be the Lost City of Atlantis, but did not bother to note where they found it, as it was “very wet,” and thus of no use to anybody.

Two hours after the press conference, the Malaysian Government called a second press conference, in which they systematically and explicitly denied every detail of the first one.