NEW YORK—Admitting they badly need to turn their business around, executives at struggling media company Vidmark Interactive confided to sources Tuesday that their situation has become so dire they may have to consider giving a job to someone who is actually qualified to hold it. “We’ve had such a difficult time staying afloat in the current media environment that we’re actually looking at bringing on board a full-time employee who has relevant skills and multiple years of experience in this line of work,” said CEO Cameron Pfeiffer, explaining that the digital media firm has continually promoted employees to positions beyond their abilities, hired friends and family members of executives for management-level posts, and filled their content creation departments with individuals right out of college who were in no way prepared, equipped, or able to meet the goals that were set for them. “If we have another bad quarter, we’ll simply have no choice but to recruit a person genuinely capable of performing tasks necessary for the successful operation of this company—even if it means hiring a professional and paying that person a salary commensurate with his or her talents.” At press time, reports confirmed that the media company had decided to address a vital high-level vacancy by bringing in two 20-year-old interns who will be earning only college credit.

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