Johnny Cowan, a 2014 University of Kansas graduate and giant tool, ended his hunger strike today after it became very apparent that everyone at KU was content with letting him die.

KU grad Johnny Cowan is hunger striking on campus to show solidarity for #Mizzou, #RockChalkInvisibleHawk and more: pic.twitter.com/9zfqhtTAxk — Conrad Swanson (@Conrad_Swanson) November 14, 2015

Cowan, whose intentions seemed, at best, misguided, starved himself for 70 hours before making the decision to call it quits. His reasoning? He didn’t want to garner attention for the wrong reasons. Yeah, sure thing, champ.

From The Kansan:

Johnny Cowan, a 2014 University graduate, said he chose to end his hunger strike because it was gaining attention for the wrong reasons. “It is not my place to act without guidance of oppressed people,” Cowan said in an updated statement.

A first-ballot Hall-of-Fame social justice warrior, Cowan also used the spotlight as an opportunity to apologize for his actions in 2014, when he interrupted classes to protest while wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. This guy is satire in human form.

Cowan announced only a few days ago that he would die for his cause — an empty promise that clearly did not come to fruition. In an initial interview with the local paper, Cowan cited his white privilege as one of the reasons for his failed hunger strike:

From The Huffington Post:

Meanwhile, John Cowan, a white 2014 University of Kansas graduate, began a hunger strike on campus Friday morning in solidarity with KU student group movements. If the activist groups’ demands are not met or if a plan of action is not issued by KU, “then I die or go to the hospital,” Cowan told the newspaper, echoing the sentiments of a graduate student at the University of Missouri who ended his hunger strike last week after the resignations of University of Missouri System President Tim Wolfe and Chancellor R. Bowen Loftin. “I’m kind of at an advantage because of my white privilege, so my suffering is self-inflicted,” said Cowan. “Others don’t have that choice, it’s inflicted upon them.”

This guy’s entire story hits all of the plot points I expected to see on this Wednesday’s South Park.

Someone mentioned this earlier, but I think I’m going to double-down on it now: the voting age should be raised to 25. It is clear now that young adults between 18-22 have no business making real world decisions. All of these movements and protests stemming from Mizzou that were so incredibly predictable have become so outrageous that I am at a complete loss for words.

I mean, I literally stumbled onto a protest while touring Northwestern Friday afternoon where the students didn’t even have an agenda for why they were protesting. It went from “systemic oppression” to “this school doesn’t give a shit about black people” to “why hasn’t the dean emailed us yet to say she cares about us?” in about 90 seconds.

This shit is happening everywhere now, but Cowan’s pathetic social justice charade is by far the funniest example of psuedo-activism I’ve seen to date. I’m excited for at least two more weeks of this nonsense before it cycles out of the news and we move on to the next big, stupid thing society is rallying around..

[via The Kansan]