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Kids are now in charge, Dr. Leonard Sax says, and this is bad for our culture.

(The Associated Press)

Picture the scene: a mother and her 10-year-old son are in the doctor's office because the boy's stomach hurts. Junior plays a game on his mobile phone while Mom and the doctor talk. As the mother describes her son's symptoms, the kid looks up. "Shut up, Mom," he says. "You don't know what you're talking about." Then the boy cackles.

The doctor in that room was Leonard Sax, who's a psychologist as well as a family physician. Neither he nor the mother were particularly surprised by the outburst.

"That would have been very unusual in 1990 or 2000," Sax told the Chicago Tribune this week. "It is now common: children, girls and boys, being disrespectful to parents, being disrespectful to one another, being disrespectful to themselves, verbally and otherwise. The mother did nothing, just looked a little embarrassed. The culture has changed in a profound way in a short period of time in ways that have really harmed kids."

Sax is the author of "The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups." He says parents have abdicated authority to their children, that they're too interested in being their child's friend and making sure their child is constantly happy -- at the expense of the child's long-term development. This, he insists, leads children to become obese, suffer from various psychiatric illnesses and feel resentment and dissatisfaction later in life.

One of the chief problems, he says: parents have been suckered by the self-esteem movement that rose up in the 1970s and '80s, and it's come back to bite them -- to bite the whole society. American children, he says, "have been indoctrinated in their own awesomeness with no understanding of how this culture of bloated self-esteem leads to resentment. I see it. I see the girl who was told how amazing she was who is now resentful at age 25 because she's working in a cubicle for a low wage and she's written two novels and she can't get an agent."

To be sure, Sax and his book have their detractors. Melinda Wenner Moyer, writing in Salon, insists: "The foundation for Sax's theory is light on evidence, heavy on old fuddy-duddy."

Maybe so, but perhaps we could all use a little more fuddy-duddy in our parenting playbook. If you buy into Dr. Sax's premise, here are a few pieces of advice from the doctor himself, just to get started:

* First and foremost, let your child know who's in charge. "Command. Don't ask. Don't negotiate."

* No phones in kids' room unsupervised.

* No earbuds in the car, for you or your child. "That time in the car is precious."

* Family dinners are important. "You are sending the message that family matters."

* Teach humility. Sax says humility has become "the most un-American of virtues," and it's wrecking our culture.

* Teach what's really important. "It cannot be just about getting a job. It's not just about achievement. It's about who you are as a human being."

-- Douglas Perry