What Is Frame Control

To understand frame control it might be a good idea to break this down a little:

What actually is a frame?

In the words of my buddy Swinggcat:

A “frame” is a general focus or direction that provides an overall guidance for thoughts and actions during an interaction. Put in layman’s terms a frame determines the underlying meaning of behaviours and actions.

A frame is basically the form of sub communication that you are displaying when in an interaction with someone.

So for example, if you are speaking to a police officer who is about to give you a speeding ticket you can have:

A polite frame

An aggressive frame

(There are more but for simplicity let’s for now assume that in the speeding ticket scenario there are only these two frames)

The polite frame

The polite frame in this case would you be saying something along the lines of:

“Good morning officer” “I’m sorry for speeding” “I know you are just trying to do your job and I respect that” “I promise it won’t happen again” etc…

The aggressive frame

“I’m not taking that ticket” “I wasn’t speeding” “You’re blind” “Is this the best part of your job? Don’t you have better things to do?” etc…

Now, I’m not telling you which of these two to take, I’m just stating observations, but in your eyes, which of these two is likely to get out of the ticket?

In this case the polite frame is likely to get out of the ticket because he is keeping his cool, doing the opposite of what most people would do, and accepting the guilt rather than standing by their innocence.

Frame Control

Frame control is the ability to stand by the vibe you give out no matter what, throughout the interaction.

When it comes to terms of speaking to women, when you see an attractive girl and your frame is:

“I’m awesome, everyone wants to sleep with me”

Even though that may not be true, the fact that you stick to that ‘frame’ will lead the interaction down the path of you’re awesome and everyone wants to sleep with you.

Now if the same guy went in with the frame of “I’m pathetic, no one likes me”

Then even if they were both talking about the same topic and using the same words, they would have two completely different experiences.

More likely than not, the first guys chances will be much higher than the second guys.

Why?