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Projected Lineup

SS: Chin Meat Raw Wings

LF: Call Call Fjord

CF: Your Seal Pig

1B: Aid Rye Angle Souls

C: Ass Money Grundel

2B: A Weak A Drink

3B: Wander eBay

RF: Shock Beaters On

SP: Cleat Honker Shoe

SP: Saw Cranky

SP: Inching Wee Who

SP: Bring Them Car Thief

SP: Bread Handers On

Off-season Haiku

Where did Matt Kemp go?

Drastic Front Office changes;

Bunch of fuckin’ nerds.

Farthest Home Run of 2014

Hanley Ramirez off Jorge De La Rosa – 472 feet

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Even in the rain, this was the 5th farthest home run in all of baseball in 2014. If Hanley hits one like that this year, the ball could go all the way to [insert Boston suburb you have the most family friends in]!

Shortest Home Run of 2014

Scott Van Slyke off Wade Miley – 341 feet

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The first thing you’ll notice is that they are playing the game in Australia. Remember that?

Best Names in the Farm System

RHP Red Patterson

3B Buck Britton

SS Erisbel Arruebarrena

RHP Ralston Cash

RHP Raydel Sanchez

1B O’Koyea Dickson

RHP Jharel Cotton

C Austin Chubb

2B Casio Grider

1B Justin Chigbogu

1B Josmar Cordero

SS Faustino Oguisten

RHP Karch Kowalcyzk

RHP Abdiel Velasquez

C John Cannon

3B Yensys Capellan

OF Billy Bereszniewicz

OF Andrew Godbold

RHP Danny Danielson

RHP Misja Harcksen

RHP Lenix Osuna

RHP Harlan Richter

RHP Sven Schuller

RHP Kam Uter

RHP M.J. Villegas

1B Ibandel Isabel

OF Federico Celli

RHP Melvyn Forbes

LHP Osiris Ramirez

C Hendrik Clementina

C Gersel Pitre

C Alvaro Rubi

3B Jimy Perez

OF Shakir Albert

Three Bold Predictions

In line with the organization’s new image the Dodgers formally change their name to the Los Angeles Nerds. The crowd chant of “LETS GO NERDS” during the playoffs inspires millions across the country.

Yasiel Puig finds a person named Cütof Mann and hits him in the face.

Juan Uribe hits a home run and consequently bat flips the bat over the center field wall. A little known MLB bylaw grants Uribe double the runs for his courageous display of raw strength.