Chapter Text

It wasn’t until that evening that Savil stood outside the door to the suite, steeling herself for the conversation to come. She had been worrying about Tylendel all day, even if she kept trying to put it out of her mind and remind herself that he was nearly an adult now and could take care of himself, and the anxiety had redoubled a candlemark ago when he Mindspoke her. He had sounded confused and agitated, but apparently Vanyel wanted to keep seeing him. Which wasn’t the outcome she’d been hoping for, but there was no help for it.

She let out the breath she’d been unconsciously holding, knocked cautiously on the outer door to the suite before opening it. With her shields relaxed a little, she could sense the minds inside, and knew both boys were in the main room, and Mardic and Donni had gone to their own rooms. Tylendel had to know she was out here, but she figured it was polite to give Vanyel the warning.

They were both sitting at the table, and Vanyel was midway through shrugging her student’s arm off his shoulder when she stepped through the door. He scooted his chair a few inches away from ‘Lendel and looked up without quite meeting her eyes, and something changed in the way he held his body, but she couldn’t tell what it meant.

She did something that she didn’t often do anymore. :Kellan, help me – what’s going on with him?:

She felt a little tickle in her mind as her Companion looked through her eyes. :He’s a tricky one, love. He doesn’t let much slip. Look at his shoulders, though, and the way he holds his neck. I would wager that he’s nervous, even scared:

:Of me? Why?:

There was a deep chuckle in her head, reminiscent of chestnuts roasting and popping. :Plenty of people are. You’re very powerful and very competent, and that scares people. But Vanyel in particular... First of all, you’re an adult, and a relative, and I dare say that doesn’t make him feel any safer around you. You know how your brother is with him. He’s probably wound himself up completely worrying how you’ll respond to this. And you’re not smiling, because you never do unless you’re doing it on purpose. It would help if you smiled:

She managed a smile, and took herself to sit down across from them, she knew it was better to speak with them with her head level with theirs.

:You’re tense as a harpstring, love, and Vanyel can pick that up just fine. Relax: Kellan sent a wave of peace and wellbeing through her, which would have left her unsteady on her feet if she had still been standing, and then retreated from the forefront of her mind.

In the past, Kellan had helped her with this sort of thing a great deal, sharing her eyes, providing a running interpretation of the mysterious messages that people seemed to be constantly sending with their faces and bodies, even taking over the movement of her eyes and showing her where to look. She could never have handled being on the Council without his help – or taking on students, for that matter. You couldn’t rely on younglings to have emotions that made any sense, or to talk about them clearly. But he didn’t like to help her any more than absolutely necessary, and he sometimes refused even when she asked. He must have thought this was important.

“So,” she said, more cheerfully than she felt. Tylendel looked like he was doing his best not to wriggle around with sheer happiness. “I see you’ve found that you both like each other. This is going to be a little complicated, of course. It sounds like you’ve already considered the problem of Vanyel’s father.”

‘Lendel nodded, but Vanyel just looked confused. Right – he probably didn’t know that they both had the Gift of Mindspeech and had already talked. She made herself look directly into his eyes and smile warmly. “Vanyel, Tylendel and I had a little conference by Mindspeech earlier tonight, so I know what you discussed.”

Vanyel looked up sharply, and his shoulders rose to around his ears, a pink flush spreading across his cheeks. “We’re going to keep it a secret,” he said dully, not meeting her eyes.

She went on. “Good. Vanyel, once you turn eighteen–” if this thing of theirs lasted that long, “–you’ll be your own man, and the worst your father can do is disown you, so it’ll be up to you. But until then, he can do a lot worse. I’d rather avoid that mess. You won’t have to hide anything inside these four walls. Outside, though–”

“Nothing changes.” Vanyel said it – his voice was a little shaky, but he didn’t sound sullen. “I think we can manage it, especially if we make an effort to avoid each other in public.”

“I had a thought,” ‘Lendel jumped in. “If we could pretend to be a bit rude to each other, maybe even engineer a fight, that could deflect suspicion.”

“That is a thought.” Savil turned it over in her mind. “Um. It would distract from what’s really going on, but it would also draw attention, make you more conspicuous.” She frowned, trying to think through all the ramifications. “If you did fight... I’m afraid Tylendel has some enemies, personal and political. I’d rather they didn’t have any reason to pay attention to you, Vanyel.”

Tylendel’s smile had faded. Vanyel looked over at him, hesitantly, then back at Savil.

“Enemies. Because he’s shay’a’chern, I guess? That would be the personal. And political... Is that because of the feud?”

He was quicker than she had expected, she thought. “With the Lesharas, yes. I happen to have heard a rumour that Evan Leshara is poking around Haven trying to marshal up support – I know!” She held up a hand as Tylendel leaned forward, his eyes flashing angrily. “He’s a vile man, I think so too, and he’s telling his side of the story left right and centre. Well, he can cement his reputation as a dishonest little schemer all he wants. Tylendel, you are a Herald in training and your reputation affects all of us. So we’re going to be good little citizens, and I’ll go on reporting everything I hear to Jaysen.” She looked over at Vanyel again. “Jaysen is the Seneschal’s Herald, and he happens to be an old and dear friend of mine.”

Tylendel snickered, which she didn’t deign with a response. She and Jaysen were friends and colleagues first and foremost, and it was none of anyone’s business if they occasionally shared a bed as well. She ought to have a talk with the boy at some point, remind him what was and wasn’t appropriate given that he was her student.

“Well, then, I think we have enough to go on for now.” She stood up. “Please be careful, both of you.”

It was the next day, and Vanyel was taking dinner with court. He was distracted, but doing his best to focus on the conversation, play the game right. ‘Lendel had stayed in his room again the night before, though they hadn’t done anything more than cuddle – he had wanted to, but he hadn’t wanted to ask for it. They had talked for hours, but mostly about inconsequential topics, both of them steering away from anything fraught.

“–About the new Bard?” someone was saying.

Vanyel flinched, jerked back into the conversation as the word ‘Bard’ sent a piercing pain through his chest. “Sorry, what was that?” He smiled at the young lady across from him, who had been speaking. He couldn’t even remember her name at the moment. “I am afraid I was distracted by your lovely gown.”

It was a pretty gown, but the face above it couldn’t hold a candle to ‘Lendel. The girl coloured and bobbed her head. “There’s a new Bard at Court, did you hear?”

He shook his head, smiled crookedly, racked his brain for a change of topic and failed to think of anything. “You’ll have to tell me, my sweet.”

A hand fell on his shoulder, and he looked up, expecting one of his Court acquaintances; he couldn’t quite call any of them friends; and barely bit back a squeak as his eyes met ‘Lendel’s.

The other boy wasn’t smiling; in fact, he wore almost a deliberate sneer; but his eyes sparkled above it. “Your aunt says not to stay out too late,” he said, gruffly, but the corners of his lips were twitching. He lifted his hand away, but continued to look into Vanyel’s eyes just a moment too long before he turned and marched away.

The young lady opposite him leaned forwards. “Ooh, who was that?” She looked at the girl next to him, giggled. “He’s handsome, don’t you think?”

The other girl – Lavi, that was her name – shook her head, her nose wrinkling. “Don’t bother. You haven’t got a chance with him.”

Delicately plucked eyebrows rose. “Why not?”

The boy sitting beside Vanyel, who had been talking to his other friend, turned back to the group and elbowed him. “Van, do you know him?”

Vanyel shrugged as casually as he could. “Not really. Um, he’s my aunt’s student.”

The second girl giggled, not nicely. “Did you know?”

“Um, know what?” He thought he had a good idea of what, unfortunately. The bottom seemed to have fallen out of his stomach, and he fought to stay in control of his face.

“That he’s a pervert.” More laughter, around the table. “He, he likes boys. Can you imagine? What a waste, he is awfully handsome.”

The first girl sighed. “I think I’d turn into a boy for him!”

“Aria!”

Oh, so that was her name. Vanyel forced himself to chuckle, though he thought it sounded very strained.

Lavi smirked. “Oh, look, we’ve managed to shock Van – he’s blushing! You really didn’t know?”

He shook his head helplessly, wishing beyond anything for a change of topic. “Um. So what about that Bard?”

He left Court as soon as he thought he could do it without suspicion; he hadn’t been able to force down another bite after that conversation, his stomach was still roiling. Entering the suite, he slammed the door behind him harder than he meant to.

‘Lendel was on the sofa, clearly waiting for him, and his face lit up. “Van! I thought you’d be home later! …What’s wrong?”

His eyes were stinging again, damn it. “‘Lendel, please, just… Please don’t ever come up to me like that! What if they’d guessed? What if they could tell?” Certainly they had been able to tell he was flustered, gods help him if they ever guessed the reason.

“But that’s the fun of it! Oh, Van, they’ll never guess. Someone as prim and proper as you? It would never even occur to them!”

The room felt too small and hot again. “‘Lendel, please.” His voice came out sharper than he intended, almost a whine.

A hesitation, then the other boy stood up. “I – You’re really upset? Van, I’m sorry. I thought it’d be funny. I– I keep doing everything wrong, damn it!”

He looked away. “T-they called you a pervert!”

“I’ve been called worse.”

Didn’t he understand? If you’re a pervert, then so am I!

‘Lendel reached out, then let his hand fall without touching him. “Van, you– you can’t let it get to you. People will say the worst things, you, you just have to ignore it and remember they’re idiots.”

It’s not that easy. Maybe it was that easy for ‘Lendel, maybe he was just that confident in himself, not a frightened coward like Vanyel.

‘Lendel squared his shoulders. “But anyway. I’m sorry and I won’t do it again. Really.” Hesitation. “You’re shaking. Are you cold?”

No, just terrified. But Vanyel nodded, and he took ‘Lendel’s outstretched hand and let himself be led over to the fire, where the trainee threw on another log.

He started to swing his arm over Vanyel’s shoulder, then stopped. “Um, Van, is it okay if I hold you?”

“Yeah.” He looked up, managed a shaky smile. “You don’t have to ask every time.”

They were still there when Mardic and Donni got home. Vanyel, startled by the sound of the door opening, turned his head so fast that his neck twinged. This time ‘Lendel pulled his arm away first.

“It’s just us,” Mardic said, removing his cloak and hanging it up. The nights were getting cool now.

Donni, balanced on one foot to remove her boot, dimpled at them. “Aren’t they so cute?”

Vanyel felt the blood rush to his face, and tried to turn away. Somehow he ended up with his face in ‘Lendel’s shoulder.

“Even cuter!” Donni squealed.

“Stop it, not funny.” ‘Lendel’s voice was even, but there was annoyance under it. “Van, it’s okay. I had my shields open so I could tell if anyone else was coming. No one’s going to catch us. Except these idiots.”

He still really, really didn’t want to be in the same room as Donni right now. “Can we go to my room?” he whispered into ‘Lendel’s tunic.

“Of course.” They stood up together, and he reached out to take ‘Lendel’s hand as they walked towards the hallway. ‘Lendel looked up, surprise and pleasure lighting up his face, and Vanyel smiled shyly at him and squeezed his fingers a little.

They sat down together on the side of his bed, fingers still entwined. Vanyel looked down at his bare feet. I want him to kiss me, damn it, but I’m too much of a coward to ask and he won’t do it otherwise. ‘Lendel had been anxious and very, very careful with him ever since that first morning. On some level he appreciated it; it made him feel safe in a different way from the wordless, inexplicable feeling he had whenever they were close by. At the same time, it was starting to be frustrating. A part of him wished ‘Lendel would just act like he had the first night, it would be simpler.

“Van,” ‘Lendel said, serious. “Can you tell me how you’re feeling? I can’t read your mind.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You could. Technically.” Tylendel was a Thoughtsenser.

“I won’t! It would be really unethical.” He squeezed Vanyel’s fingers. “Are you still upset with me, about earlier?”

“No!” He was a little alarmed that ‘Lendel might think so! “I just… Maybe I overreacted.” He felt a little silly about it, now.

‘Lendel shook his head. “I don’t– You’re probably right and I was being stupid.” He smiled crookedly. “I do that a lot. Gods, Van… I can feel when you’re upset or scared, and it’s really hard when I don’t know why or whether I did something wrong. Okay?”

That made sense. It bothered him, a little, that ‘Lendel could tell when he was upset even if he didn’t show it on his face – he hadn’t realized how much he counted on that control, that privacy. But I can trust him, right? He forced a smile. “I’ll try to do better about telling you.”

‘Lendel was silent for a moment. “What are you thinking right now?” he said finally. He pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes, and Vanyel felt his breath catch. “I can feel that you’re nervous about something.”

His cheeks grew warm again. Damn it, I can’t hide anything. “I…I was thinking about asking you to kiss me,” he said finally, avoiding ‘Lendel’s eyes.

“Oh!” Surprised joy. “Of course!”

Another day.

Vanyel was curled up on the sofa, trying to read his History book. It was midway through the afternoon and no one else was home; he was only there because his Law teacher was ill and had cancelled the class.

It was still very hard to focus. He couldn’t seem to ever stop thinking about ‘Lendel, he had been hoping it would be less distracting now but that wasn’t the case at all.

The door creaked and he looked up. “Oh. Heya, Mardic.”

“Heya, Van.” The trainee kicked off his soft boots and came over. “Back early?”

“My class was cancelled.”

“Oh, lucky you.” Mardic went for the sideboard and took a plate. He looked back over his shoulder. “I wanted to ask you. How are things with Tylendel?”

Vanyel thought that coming from anyone except Mardic, the question would have sent him running away to hide. But Mardic was… Well, I trust him. Sort of. For some reason.

“I don’t know,” he heard himself say. “I feel like I like him too much. If that makes any sense?”

“It makes sense.” Mardic brought his plate over to the table and sat. “It feels dangerous, really liking someone. Doesn’t it? It means they can really hurt you if they want.”

That was exactly it. He nodded. “I… It’s like I keep wanting to feel safe with him. Part of me, I mean. It scares me. I know that’s stupid.”

“I don’t think so.” Mardic looked past him, eyes fixed on the feathered masks that hung on the wall. “It reminds me a bit of how I felt with Donni, you know? I trusted her with my life and I had no good reason for it, I barely knew her!” A lock of dun hair fell into his eyes, and he tossed his head, shaking it aside. “It took a while to get used to it.” He smiled, slowly, the expression completely changing his face. “But I guess that part of me was right. She was worth it.”

That was interesting. Vanyel watched him, amazed at how different he looked when he talked about Donni, with his dull brown eyes full of light.

Mardic picked at his thumbnail for a moment, then looked up. “Don’t expect you to take my word for it, but I think you can trust him. If that counts for anything. I’ve lived with him for almost three years, reckon I know him pretty well. He – well, he can be reckless and he does things without thinking, and gods he’s got a temper, but he’s a good person. He cares. And I think he likes you a lot, Van.”

Vanyel nodded, unsure how to respond. “Thank you,” he said finally, it felt like he had to say something. He felt better, with Mardic’s quiet presence, more solid than he had in days. Of course ‘Lendel was a good person, fundamentally. He was going to be a Herald; he pretty much had to be.

In silence, Mardic took a bite of bread and cheese. Vanyel looked down at his own plate. He still wasn’t hungry. He’d been sleeping better than he had in years, with ‘Lendel’s warmth beside him, but he hadn’t had much appetite. Maybe because it was impossible to think about anything except ‘Lendel when they were apart. Gods, what’s wrong with me?

“I think I scared him,” he said finally. “I mean, by getting upset. It’s like he’s afraid to touch me now, he always asks.”

Mardic snorted. “Probably my fault. I told him to go slow with you.”

Oh. He tried to figure out how to feel about that. He had known Tylendel had talked to Mardic – and, well, here, he was, talking about Tylendel, technically behind his back. To his surprise, it felt alright. It was Mardic.

“Thank you,” he said.

There was a pause as Mardic ate. Finally he set down the remaining heel of bread. “Um, you don’t have to tell me or anything, if you don’t want to, but… What were you upset about?”

It took a moment to parse the question. “Oh. I think I mostly felt like a fool. I was sure Savil would find out and tell my father and, and…” He trailed off.

“And if he’s anything like my father, that wouldn’t go well at all,” Mardic finished. “I’m sorry, Van. I know it’s awful when your parents are like that.” He was picking at his nail again. “You know Savil wouldn’t do that, though, right?”

“I guess.” It was what everyone kept saying, and to be honest, during their short interview she had seemed, well, sympathetic. Or trying hard to be sympathetic anyway. “It always feels like she’s annoyed that I exist. Um, I thought maybe she’d be glad of an excuse to be rid of me.”

Mardic laughed. “Sorry! I know it’s not funny. But she wouldn’t do that. She’s more ethical than that, gods, she’s a Herald! Even if she was annoyed by you, she wouldn’t do something to hurt you on purpose. Besides, can you imagine how upset ‘Lendel would be if that happened? And Savil’s very close with him.”

Mardic’s laughter helped, somehow – he didn’t just think it was unlikely that Savil would betray him, he thought the idea ridiculous. Vanyel found himself laughing as well, to his surprise.

“That’s better.” Mardic patted his shoulder, then stood up. “I need to study. Um. I’m always here if you need to talk about anything, okay?”

It was late when Savil came in, and they were all sitting in the living room. Vanyel heard the door, but didn’t even bother to open his eyes; he was sitting at ‘Lendel’s feet, the other boy had found a way of scratching his head that made him want to melt, and he wasn’t sure he could have moved even if he’d wanted to. Donni was sketching something on the back of her homework, she liked to draw for fun, and talking to Mardic about concert magic. Apparently their lesson today hadn’t gone well. He couldn’t follow it any better than he’d been able to follow the earlier conversation about weather-magic.

“Meeting went badly, then?” he heard ‘Lendel say.

“Oh, don’t even ask.” He heard the scrape of leather as she removed her boots, and from the table, the scratch of chair legs and footsteps, then liquid being poured.

“Thank you, Mardic.” Savil’s voice had softened, and now she sounded more tired than irritated. “I really needed that.”

“Who was being an idiot this time?” Donni said brightly.

A sigh. Vanyel heard a creaking sound as Savil settled into her overstuffed chair. “Lord Kethar and Lord Severan are locking horns again.”

“Gods, what’s their problem now?”

“Something about road tolls and who’s responsible for the repairs on that section. And Guard assignments.” She made a disgusted sound. “It’s not really about that, of course, they’ll use any excuse to go at each other.” A brief pause. “Did Van just fall asleep like that?”

Vanyel jerked his head up. “No. M’awake, was listening.”

Savil snorted. But she actually made eye contact with him, for a moment, and if she wasn’t quite smiling, she wasn’t frowning either.

“Hey, Van?” It was Mardic who spoke. “You haven’t played for us in a while.”

Vanyel winced and turned his head away. “I’m rubbish.”

“Are you serious?” ’Lendel broke in. “You’re very good. Bard Breda herself said you were very good.”

Vanyel said nothing, just let his forehead fall against ‘Lendel’s thigh, his hair falling to hide his face. His eyes were prickling again, and he didn’t think he would be able to speak without starting to cry. I’m not a Bard, I can’t ever be a Bard, what’s the point?

“I quite liked listening to you play,” Savil said, with surprising gentleness. “I missed it, actually.”

Was she mocking him? He lifted his head and turned to look at her. Her eyes were fixed on the cup of wine she held loosely in one hand, and her face was impossible to read. Mardic caught his gaze, though, and smiled encouragingly.

He took a deep breath. Don’t let fear control you, he thought. “…All right. I could play a little,” he said finally. “Um, I’ll go get my lute.”

It felt surprisingly good, playing for the others. He could tell that Savil was making an effort to show that she was enjoying the music, but he didn’t think that it was actually faked, she just didn’t usually show her emotions much. At Mardic’s insistence, he sang four pieces from the Windrider Cycle, and then he and Donni sang the duet for ‘Sun and Shadow.’ ‘Lendel watched him with a smug, proprietary expression, and eventually it got to be too distracting.

He set the lute down in his lap. “Sorry, that’s all my fingers can take for tonight.” It was almost true; he hadn’t played in weeks and his fingertips were sore under softened calluses. His bad hand barely ached at all, though; he had to admit that weapons practice had improved his strength and dexterity, especially the dagger-work that Lord Oden had added.

Savil stood up, massaging her lower back with both hands. “It’s late, you boys should go to bed.”

‘Lendel caught his eye with an exaggerated leer, which startled a laugh out of him. To his surprise, Savil actually blushed. “To sleep!” she muttered.

“Oh, we will.” ‘Lendel stood up and reached for his hand. “C’mon, Van.”

He carried his lute back to their room and sat down on the side of his bed to de-tune the strings. ‘Lendel closed the door behind them and came to sit next to him.

He set the lute down in its stand and looked over, forcing himself to meet the other boy’s eyes head-on. Mardic had refilled his cup twice, ‘for his throat’, and even with watered wine, his head felt pleasantly light. And he felt bolder than usual. “You know,” he said, “I’m not actually sleepy yet.”

‘Lendel raised his eyebrows but said nothing, just waited.

He took a deep breath. “I. Um. I liked some of the stuff. That we did. Um. The first night.” The blood rushed to his face. Damn it, I must look like such a naive child.

“Are you sure?” ‘Lendel looked intently at him. “I mean, I don’t want you to feel rushed or anything.”

He looked away. “I…kind of feel the opposite of rushed.” This was so horribly awkward. His cheeks were flaming.

‘Lendel just smiled. “Mardic said I should reward you when you actually communicate, so…” He reached for him.

Vanyel looked down at his hands. “Just don’t ruin any of my clothes. Um. You tore two buttons off my favourite tunic.”

‘Lendel laughed, delighted. “Peacock. Come here.”

Dear Mother I hope that my letter finds you well. I apologize for not writing sooner; I have been very busy settling in. Savil has me in three different classes, and that in additions to my weapons training! However, I have been learning a great deal, and I think that I will be very happy here. I have learned several new songs, which I would be eager to play for you when I see you again. I love you and I think of you often. By my hand, Vanyel Ashkevron Dear Lissa I hope that you are still finding your training with Lord Corey enjoyable and useful. I would love to hear more about your lessons. What sorts of academic classes does he have you taking? I am taking a class in Law now, and it seems like the sort of thing the Guard would have to know. My own training is going well, I think. Besides, Savil has warmed to me considerably, and I have made some very good friends. Savi’s students are so much more interesting than anyone I’ve ever met, and so are some of my classmates. I can actually have conversations about interesting things I learned in lessons. And Savil has given me permission to go to the Palace library and read any books I like, which I wish I had more time to do! Some of them, including Savil, I think you would get along with very well, if you were able to schedule a visit. In any case, I miss you, but I am very happy here. By my hand, Vanyel Ashkevron

To my Dearest Son Vanyel, I am Very Glad that you are Well. I have been Very Worried as Savil is an Old Biddy who I Feared would be Cruel to you, and I have had Dark and Fell Dreams ever since you left. You say you are Very Busy. Please tell me if she is being Too Hard on you and I will Speak to Your Father. I have been Visited by a Great Deal of Grief. My maid Melenna is with child, and by your Brother Mekeal! So she has Told me, and so He Admits. I am Distraught and I do not Know what to Do. Your Father is no help, as he thinks it is All Very Amusing and will give me No Sympathy. I Miss my Favourite Son and I Do Not Know how I will Survive if you are Gone for Two More Years. I had Thought to Speak to your Father and bring you Home Sooner, but if you are Very Happy I would not wish to Take that Away. I love you Very Much. By my hand, Treesa Ashkevron

“Van, I can’t believe your mother. Pink paper? And purple ink? And those fancy capital letters with flourishes are hurting my eyes...”

“Oh, Mother always writes like that. She won’t use any other paper even though it costs a fortune. And this is a letter to someone she’s on good terms with. You should see it when she’s upset. She gets all formal and capitalizes everything. And cries over the paper.”

“How old is this brother of yours? He must be younger than you are, since you’re the heir.”

“Oh, Meke? He’s thirteen – oh, he must be fourteen now, his name day is before mine. Meke’s all right, I suppose. He’s a bit of a fathead and he likes to play practical jokes on the servants, but I think he’ll grow out of that. Honestly, he’d make a better Lord Holder than me.”

Dear Vanyel, I am so glad to hear that things are going well! My training is still going well and I think that Lord Corey is very pleased with my progress; he’s as good as offered me a place as an officer in the Guard! I’m not studying Law yet, but there is a training program for new officers and I will study it then. Right now I am mostly learning military tactics, as this is Lord Corey’s area. I would like to hear about what you are learning, though! I would love to visit, and I think it may be possible. Lord Corey has been talking about making a trip with his students to tour the neighbouring lands and holdings, and he had mentioned he might take me to Court to be presented before I take my place in the Guard. I might be able to persuade him to combine those trips and do it earlier. I will tell you immediately of course if there is any news on this front, All my love, Liss

“Your sister sounds amazing, Van! She must be exactly like Savil was at that age.”

“Aside from being a Herald-Mage? Yeah, I suppose so. She certainly knows what she wants, and she goes and gets it. She was the only one in the Keep who wasn’t afraid to stand up to Father.”

“That’s too bad. I think – Savil thinks, and I agree – that it’s important for any leader to have someone who can tell him when he’s being an idiot.”

“No one ever tells Father’s he’s being an idiot.”

“They really should, it sounds like. He wasn’t very good to you, was he?”

“I…I don’t know. He, he always said he wanted me to be a man. He thinks I’m a coward.”

“Well, there you go, then. He must be an idiot to think that.”

“Heya, Van.”

Vanyel was sitting cross-legged on the bed, a book in his lap. It was a book on Law, but not the one his teacher used; he had finally found time to go to the Palace library, which was just as incredible as he could have hoped – there must have been thousands of books there! And they had let him just take this one home! The clerk who had signed it out to him said it had some kind of preservative magic on it; it had been copied out by a scribe nearly seventy years ago, according to the date in the front, and the ink was barely faded. This book was a lot more interesting than the class textbook, too.

He must have been deep enough in concentration to miss the footsteps and the door opening. “‘Lendel! You’re back early.” It was about two candlemarks before sunset; he usually had this time to himself, and spent it studying, or more often reading for pleasure now that he was closer to caught up in his classes.

The other boy shrugged. He held up one hand; his forearm was wrapped in cloth. “Sprained my wrist in weapons training. Kayla sent me back early.”

Vanyel threw the book down and jumped up. “Oh! Are you alright?”

“I’m fine! Don’t panic. Savil sent me to her friend Healer Andrel and he set me right in about five seconds. I just can’t move it much for a few days.”

“If you’re sure.” He sighed, and slipped into the circle of ‘Lendel’s arms, sighing as unnoticed tension left his spine. He still didn’t understand why everything felt so okay when they were together. More and more these days, walking into their room felt like letting go of a great weight, being able to relax because he was finally somewhere safe.

He tucked the crown of his head under ‘Lendel’s chin, the height difference meant it fit perfectly.

They stood there for a long moment.

“Van, I wanted to talk to you.” The breath of ‘Lendel’s words tickled his hair.

He lifted his head. “About what?” He let himself be guided over to the side of the bed, and they sat.

“About us, if that’s okay.”

Oh. His breath caught a little, but he made himself stay calm. Was ‘Lendel losing interest? I have so little to offer him, I’m not a Herald-trainee, not a mage… Well, if it had to happen, better that it happened sooner, he thought dully. Get the pain out of the way. Move on.

“Van, I–” He stopped, caught his breath, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. “Vanyel. I haven’t really said this, I didn’t want to scare you, but I…I really like you.” He wasn’t used to seeing ‘Lendel look nervous. “I. Um. I think I love you.”

Oh. For a moment his heart seemed to stop. The room felt too hot and small again. He couldn’t breathe. Gods, what am I supposed to say?

He almost heard Lissa’s soft whisper in his ear. You’re generally supposed to say ‘I love you’ back. I mean, if it’s true.

Was it true? Well, if love meant wanting to look at someone’s face forever, to lie in their arms until the sun went out, to sing a thousand songs, write a thousand songs, just to express it… He stared down at the coverlet. “I think I love you too,” he murmured.

“Oh!” Then ‘Lendel cut him off by kissing him. He lost track of everything for a moment, and then they were tumbling sideways onto the bed.

‘Lendel pulled back. “Ow. Stupid wrist.”

“I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be.” And their lips met again.

Some time later they came up for air. He found himself on his back, wrists pinned to the mattress, the other boy’s face right above his.

“How would you feel if I moved my things into this room?” ‘Lendel said. “Savil’s started making snide comments that she might as well have a spare room again if I’m going to sleep here every night anyway.”

He tried to catch his breath. “I would like that.”

The sun was setting, painting a stripe of the wall with red-gold light. He lay in the curve of Tylendel’s arm and tried to decide if he was thirsty enough to get up and fetch some wine from the main room. He would have to put clothes on for it, which seemed like too much effort. He really ought to leave for Court soon, if he wanted to take dinner there – but he didn’t want to. He didn’t ever want this moment to end – he wanted to preserve it in amber and hold onto it forever.

Gods. Sometimes it was hard to believe this was real. If he’d tried to tell his past self of just two months ago, back at Forst Reach, what was about to happen in his life... Well, he definitely wouldn’t have believed it.

The light was fading. He saw ‘Lendel raise one hand, almost absentmindedly, and make an odd gesture. All the candles in the room flared to life. He twitched, even though it wasn’t the first time he’d seen it.

‘Lendel looked over at him. “You know, it’s three times as much work to do it with magic as just lighting them the normal way. Sometimes it’s worth it not to have to get up.” He scooted a little onto his side, reached over, and ran his hands through a lock of Vanyel’s hair. “What are you thinking about, peacock? You’re making that thinking face again.”

“About you, obviously.” That made ‘Lendel blush, attractively, which was what he’d wanted. “Um. Did you always want to be a Herald?”

That seemed to startle him. “I– Hmm. I mean, I don’t think I thought about it all that much. I mean, it didn’t really seem like the sort of thing that happened to ordinary people. And once I got my Gifts... Well, I really thought I was cursed. But, I mean, if you’d asked me at any point if I’d want to be a Herald if I could... Well, of course I’d have said yes, who would say no?”

I would, Vanyel thought. He’d read enough books about or by Heralds to have a pretty good sense of what it would involve: duty, an oath to the Queen, a hard and dangerous life. Heralds had lives that made good songs, but not lives that a reasonable person would want to live. Right?

“So you were happy that you were going to be a Herald, when Gala Chose you?” he said.

“Yes! It was the best day of my life, Van. Well, at least until I met you. I– I mean, when she walked up to me and I looked into her eyes, and – and I knew I wasn’t ever going to be be alone. And she told me my powers were Gifts, that I wasn’t cursed, that – that I was special, that I could help people. Protect Valdemar. That, that I could do something with my life. Something that would matter. Make a difference in the world. You know?”

His eyes were shining. He meant it, Vanyel thought, trying to understand. “You don’t mind that it’s going to be dangerous?”

Tylendel shook his head, laughing. “No. Gala and I make a good team. We can look out for ourselves. Savil thinks I’ll be a really powerful mage when I’m fully trained, as powerful as her, plus I’ve got Fetching as well. Did I ever show you this?” He put out his hand, took a deep breath and closed his eyes and scrunched up his face...and an apple appeared in his hand, presumably taken from the bowl in the other room. He let out his breath in a gust and handed the apple to Vanyel.

“That’s... Wow!” He took it.

“Savil would tell me not to show off and waste energy. Says you should always save your power for when you really need it.”

Vanyel was still looking at the apple. “Um. Is it safe to eat?”

“Of course! Why would I get you an apple that wasn’t safe to eat?”

He took a bite. It tasted like a normal apple. He chewed, swallowed. “‘Lendel, I, um… Is it going to work out? For us to be together, I mean? With you being a Herald, when I’m not…”

“I don’t see why not.”

“But–” He stopped, tried to think through what was bothering him. “Will we have to keep it a secret forever?” It was one thing now, when they lived together anyway, but what would happen once Tylendel got his Whites and went out on circuit? “My father will disown me for sure if he finds out.”

“It’s up to you, I guess.” ‘Lendel looked over at him. “I mean – I hate having to keep you a secret. I want to tell everyone how amazing you are. But I’m not the one to decide, I don’t think. My parents are dead.” His voice was casual, but his face tightened for a moment. “They wouldn’t approve if they knew, but it’s not like they ever will, is it?”

“What about the Heralds?”

He shrugged. “Heralds stand by each other. That’s practically a law. No one would – I mean, there are people who’d disapprove for sure, but they wouldn’t say anything. And it’s not like we have to decide now. Like Savil said. Once you’re of age, the worst your father can do is disown you.”

He closed his eyes and tried to think about that. It would hurt – of course it would hurt. But less now, he thought. It wasn’t like he had ever wanted to inherit the holding. All he’d ever wanted was Withen’s approval, which was impossible anyway.

And he had something better now, didn’t he? The thought felt unconvincing, but he pushed the doubt away.

“I might not mind that so much,” he murmured.

Another day:

“Have you ever thought about how weird Valdemaran law is?” Vanyel said.

“Huh?” Mardic was shovelling food into his mouth with one hand and holding a sheaf of notes in the other as he reread them. It was lunchtime and they were the only two back in the suite.

Vanyel set the textbook down on his knee. “Did you notice we’ve got two whole legal systems, just about?”

“How do you mean?”

He wasn’t sure how to explain it – he had been trying to put his finger on exactly what was bothering him for a while. “Well...there’s the written law code, right? And there’s the local government – I mean, noble landholders and town mayors and magistrates and the like – who’re supposed to follow it, right? And every so often the Queen and Council will meet and set new laws, if something important comes up and it isn’t covered?”

“Well, yes?” Mardic had set his notes down and was looking over his shoulder, eyes bright.

Vanyel shrugged helplessly. “I mean, that’s complete, right – that would work, just by itself?” It was something he didn’t feel entirely comfortable talking about, but Mardic was nearly impossible to offend. “But...then there are Heralds, right? Heralds on circuit pass through every place in the Kingdom regularly, at least in theory, and...I mean, it’s almost like Heralds aren’t part of the same system at all! It’s a whole other layer. People who don’t like what the written law as practiced in their town has to say, they can wait for the next Herald and bring up their grievance and get a new judgement.”

Mardic had turned to sit backwards on his chair, arms folded across the back, chin on his hands. “S’not completely true. There are cases where they’ll wait for the next Herald to pass through, or even request a Herald sooner. Murder cases and stuff. Anything where you need a Truth Spell, obviously, or other Gifts.”

“But…” How to say this? “Most countries don’t have Heralds at all, and they do just fine.”

“Huh. Guess the first King Valdemar came from somewhere with no Heralds. Would’ve started with the laws they had there.”

Vanyel felt his smile broaden. Oh, to have people around who actually wanted to have conversations about things! Even Lissa would’ve been looking blank around now. He remembered sitting in her room a long time ago: why are there Companions, Liss? I don’t know, Van, they just are!

It made sense, and it was what he had been thinking. “I figure you’re right, Mardic. Though they must’ve stripped out a lot of things. I mean, ‘there is no one true way’ and all that. You should see Karsite written law, it’s twenty times longer...”

Mardic stared at him. “Karsite law?”

Vanyel shrugged. “My grandfather collected a lot of books.” And Father wouldn’t have have been at all happy knowing the contents of some he’d read. Father, who could just barely read and write at all; how he had managed a career in the Guard before marrying, Vanyel had no idea. Scribes and secretaries, probably.

There was still the unanswered question. “Why Heralds, though? I mean, I know the answer from the old ballads...” He couldn’t help singing. “I found a land and I built a home where my people can be free / I have been shown and I understand that they’ll live in dignity / With Companions to guide them, they need not succumb to lies / Now I can rest my sword knowing that Valdemar will not die.” He shrugged. “But that’s not really an answer, is it? It’s just the what, not the why.”

The door banged open. “What’s the what?” Donni shrugged off her light cloak and hung it on the peg by the door.

Mardic grinned at her. “We’re talking about the law.”

“Boring.” She rolled her eyes.

“I don’t think it’s boring,” Mardic shot back. “You know the stories about King Valdemar. Why were Companions the answer to making Valdemar work?”

She frowned. “I thought it was mostly about training people with Gifts.”

Vanyel leaned forwards. “You could just have a school, though, right? Like the Bardic or Healers Collegia.” He didn’t know much about the details of how the Heraldic Gifts were used in Valdemar, outside of war. There was the Truth Spell, of course, and some way of sending messages via long-distance Mindspeech; Father had used it once to convey details about some bandits his armsmen had caught. And a Herald-Mage had apparently paved the road from Forst Reach all the way down to Exile’s Road, fifty-some years ago. It was clearly relevant, that most Heralds had Gifts, but somehow it didn’t seem like the heart of the matter.

“Then it’s how Valdemar stays honest,” Donni said. “Right? It’s what protects us from one bad king or queen ruining the country. As long as the monarch has to be a Herald, we know they’ll be a decent person, and we can’t have a madman ruin everything. Like happens in other countries.” Her words sounded a little rote, though, like she was quoting something from a book she’d read.

Vanyel frowned. “I guess... Rethwellan has the same thing, sort of, with that magic sword that chooses the King. And Hardorn has some kind of ceremony with magic, the book I read didn’t really say what it was, just that it’s supposed to prevent the ruler from doing anything bad for the country.” Donni was staring at him. “But why isn’t there just one, then? One Companion who just Chose the monarchs, like the Grove-Born who always chooses the King or Queen’s Own. Why so many?”

Mardic shrugged. “Guess the gods were feeling generous?”

Donni was still blinking at him, standing by the sideboard with a half-filled plate in her hand. “Um. I think you might’ve read even more books than Savil.”

Vanyel laughed. “We grew up in the same house, you know that, right? She probably read the same books I did.” The question was still unanswered. “I don’t feel like ‘the gods just wanted to’ is an answer.”

The door opened again. “The gods just wanted to what?”

Vanyel jumped up, happily. “’Lendel!” They greeted each other enthusiastically.

Mardic rolled his eyes at Donni. “Were we ever that bad?”

Donni brought her plate over to the overstuffed chair by the fire and sat down. “Probably.” She turned. “I realize it’s been three whole hours since you saw each other, but you do know someone could walk in at any moment?”

‘Lendel laughed. “Come on, I can’t sense anyone within a hundred yards.” Vanyel felt his cheeks warming, but he didn’t have much time for embarrassment – ‘Lendel picked him up, squeezing a faint squeak out of him, and carried him the few paces to the sofa.

Donni cheerfully accepted a mug of tea from Mardic. “Seriously, you’re embarrassing.” Vanyel had managed to get used to her teasing, mostly, and did his best to ignore it.

Tylendel ignored her too. “What were you talking about, just now? It sounded interesting.”

Vanyel twisted in his lap. “I was reading about Valdemaran law, and thinking about why we’ve got Heralds and Companions. I mean, I know the stories, but…”

Tylendel looked genuinely baffled. “The gods answered King Valdemar’s prayer? Obviously?”

“But...” It was an answer of a sort. “Why did the gods care?”

Tylendel shrugged helplessly? “Because that’s what they do? Might as well ask why the sun rises.” He looked up suddenly. “Hey, Donni? Savil’s coming. I wonder how much we could scandalize her?”

Donni grinned. “I do wonder.” She put aside her empty plate and plopped herself into Mardic’s lap; Mardic made a resigned face, but went along with it.

Vanyel squirmed. “Should we really–” He cut off as ‘Lendel kissed him, and he wasn’t quite uncomfortable enough to push him away.

The door opened. There was an awkward pause. “Gah,” Savil said quietly. “You have bedrooms, you know!”

There was a peal of giggles from Donni. Vanyel freed himself from ‘Lendel’s face just in time to see his aunt sag into a chair with a hand over her face.

“We were just talking about law,” Mardic said innocently. “Van’s been asking some very interesting questions.”

‘Lendel played along, perfectly straight-faced. “I mean, I don’t think there’s much question here. The gods answered King Valdemar’s prayer for a way to keep his people safe – so we got Companions, right?”

Savil uncovered her face. “Oh, is that...” She trailed off. “Hmm. I mean, it’s kind of moot at this point – we have our Companions and I dare say they’re a big part of how Valdemar has done so well.”

There was a ‘but’ there, Vanyel thought. “But there must be a reason,” he dared.

She shrugged. “Maybe. King Valdemar was a powerful mage, maybe more powerful than anyone we’ve had since, and the stories say he cast a spell as well. I’m not sure even he could’ve been powerful enough to just create the first Companions, or even summon them from somewhere else. So maybe there really was a prayer that was answered. But I’m not inclined to rely on the goodwill of the gods overmuch, you know? I’ve always felt as though, if they really had our wellbeing at heart, the world would look pretty different.” Her voice was heavy, and for a moment there was so much weariness in her face.

Vanyel looked away. She’s right, though, isn’t she? A sudden rush of memory, riding into Haven from Exile’s Gate, streets that reeked of sewage, filthy children in rags running up to his horse’s legs to beg for coins...

“But the gods do look out for their people,” ‘Lendel broke in. “I mean, sometimes they answer prayers! They make miracles happen!”

Savil chuckled dryly. “Boy, I’m not denying that there are gods, and that sometimes they see fit to meddle. But it’s nothing to count on.” She held up her hands. “I prefer to count on my own power.”

Vanyel looked back and forth between them. I feel like I’m missing some context.

There was a somewhat awkward silence.

“What do you think of the Valdemaran legal system, Savil?” Vanyel said finally, and briefly described his observations.

She actually smiled. “That’s a more interesting question. I mean, I think it’s always useful to look at the results, and there are two things a historian would have to say about Valdemar. We’ve had a stable and continuous rule of law for nearly eight centuries, and yet I would say the Valdemaran people have the most freedom of any country north of Ceejay. No one true way and all that. Those two things don’t normally go together. Take the Eastern Empire – very stable, but their Emperor is always a powerful mage, with the power of life and death over his subjects. I suspect the existence of us Heralds has something to do with the difference, there.”

Vanyel nodded thoughtfully. It made sense, and he wanted to chew on it some more. Not that I’m so sure of our supposed freedom. After all, he’d spent his whole life being told it was his birthright and duty to eventually hold the Forst Reach lands and rule over some three thousand smallholders and farmers and townspeople. No one had asked him, and certainly no one had asked them.