A PECKHAM-BASED man has realised that the social transformation of the area is exemplified by him.

Stephen Malley, a graphic designer originally from Cambridgeshire, had a moment of clarity while ordering a flat white from an artisan bakery that used to be a fried chicken shop.

Malley said: “I was just complaining to my accountant that it was getting harder to find cheap avocados when I was seized by a horrifying self-awareness.

“I looked down at my pale, bourgeois hands, uncalloused by honest work, and in that moment I knew the truth. I am the enemy within, the bringer of blandness, the reason our cleaner has to live 50 miles away.”

A dazed Malley staggered out into the street, which was full of his tastefully bearded doppelgangers, and vomited against a gourmet burger bar.

Malley’s wife Daisy said: “We moved to Peckham two years ago because it was cheap and vibrant, and I could give Reiki massages at home while setting up an online juice business.

“Now my husband tells me I am a monster in a yoga-honed body.

“My first instinct was to jump off the multi-storey car park that is now a Campari bar. But then I realised how much money I could make selling ‘Save Peckham from me’ organic cotton tote bags so, swings and roundabouts.”