[a4a]Talking into the void[confessions][emotions][regrets][L-bomb]

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OPEN

>>>Crickets (or some other soft environmental BG fx)

(With regret, but still factually)”I really don't know if I even intend for you to ever, ever, hear these words what I do know is that they need to be said. so…. Dear Void, I'm putting these words in this audio, sort've like a message in a bottle, to be thrown out into the waves of the internet with uncertainty about where it will ever show up. Maybeee one day you find this or maybe one day it finds You. those minuscule, tiny, near zero odds, those will do for me tonight. As I said, my only purpose here is to lay my soul bare, whether or not you witness my emotional self-flagellation is really almost inconsequential.”

“I loved you, if I'm being honest, I still do. I know I showed it very, Very poorly when we were together, that's something I regret, it's one of the biggest regrets of my life. I…I know it does No good to say I'm sorry, but, God I am .. So .. Sorry… I was.. We were young. I was immature and childish, you… were not. I couldn't see what you were offering, it was right there in front if my face; I was blind. I was oblivious. If by some miracle I was given another chance to try, again, with you, I would, in a heartbeat. I think this time...I Know that this time I would be better; I've grown, I'm not that child anymore I would be more attentive to your needs and.. and hear your words without always making it about me. I would notice your mood and.. and take it into account, at the very least. God, I was... I was such an ass there's no other way to say it.. I.. was ..an.. Ass…“

“I really don't even know where to begin, just.. looking back, as time has passed. That 20/20 vision has really bitch slapped me, it's illuminated, with Brutal Clarity, all of my past mistakes with you. How I missed the mark. How I hurt you. (whispered)I'm sorry. (normal)I want nothing more than the opportunity to do right by you.. but we're stuck in this bitch of time and as it has passed you moved on to bigger, better, healthier, things. I can't even blame you; I wasn't right for you. You were destined for more; more than me; more than.. I could offer at the time; and painful as it is to admit, you were just destined for more than I will ever, be able to offer.. anyone. (holding back tears)But God, I selfishly Miss You.. so.. goddamn.. much. More than any of these simple words thrown, like a Hail Mary, out into the void of the internet can ever do…”

(happily reminiscing)“I miss your big shining smile, lighting up my day. I miss your sweet encouraging voice in my ear. I even miss your stupid beautiful face… I miss your soul, motherfucker…. Occasionally.. Occasionally, don't let this go to your head. I find myself drawn to your Facebook page.. like a magnet, a homing pigeon returning home, and it hurts, on some level, to see your happy life, moving forward, as I struggle with my own demons.. and grow out of my childish tendencies, but mostly… Mostly when I see, who you are, and.. who you've grown to be.. I'm glad …desperately glad, to have known you. I weep for all the things we never got a chance to share. I feel robbed, on some level, but I'm also ridiculously happy, that you found someone who can walk beside you. Someone who can give you all the things that I couldn't.. I just ..I couldn't ..I couldn't. Even from far away, I love you. I miss you…”

“But there's something else I need to say, there's a deep part of me, you know that really honest, grown up part of you; that sometimes tells you things you don't want to hear; That part of me wants to add this to my message as I fling it out into the void… Thank You. Thank you for not compromising who You are. Thank you for..for not accepting me as I Was. Thank you for.. the time I did have with you.... I was unworthy of you, I was, and maybe always will be, Unworthy of the life that I am so Desperately Seeking. I think I'm closer to ready. I'm working on it… but God damn it is so hard to let go of the past sometimes. Yeah it's hard… You will always be a bright spot in the history of my life. Always. So many really, good memories…so many. Thank you for being you. *heavy sigh*”

>>>Crickets Fade

FIN

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Creator notes--- u/PervyDan collab w WendysLostBoys

Thanks for reading. Critiques, comments, notes and proofreading are encouraged. If you are wanting to perform this feel free to tailor it to your voice in any way you see fit, or I am always willing to tweak it myself for you. If you need a fuller/shorter script, please do not hesitate to ask.

BaFa-BY adults FOR adults