Diagnosed

It was a late evening in the dying days of autumn in Piedmont, and, much like the sun, the neighbourhood kids were settling down for the night. The loudest sounds left to hear were the chirping of the birds, occasionally overcast with the rumble of a car. Already in the Pines household, the lights were on to prepare for the night ahead. In one of those rooms, beneath a slew of posters of a thousand boy-bands and art-projects, even this tranquillity could not contain the relentless fidgeting of Mabel Pines. She lay flat on her bed, already in pyjamas, wrestling with a stuffed elephant, only with her legs impressively enough. She wasn't normally dressed for bed this early, but with her brother away at the Doctor's for reasons she didn't entirely understand, she had found herself with very little to do, except try to strangle the life out of 'Tooty', not that her stuffed friend minded. Despite distracting herself, her childish smile still wasn't enough to extinguish that ember of worry at the back of her mind regarding Dipper.

A quick glance to her brother's empty bed on the opposite end of the room, was enough to remind her about how weird he had been acting recently, or rather, weirder than usual. She felt he was all of a sudden getting distant, talking to their parents a lot, and even more surprisingly, their parents were actually talking to him a lot. He'd been leaving class for "appointments", sometimes short, sometimes long, but never something he was willing to discuss. He was carrying an aura of dread about him, and despite the short reprieve when he played with his sister, he fell right back to his anxiety whenever it was through. He would normally complain about her use of the night-light, but bizarrely, he was the one who wanted to use it more nowadays. Finally, earlier that day, she overheard Dipper leave with mother to the Doctor's; she also overheard mother say to father, "We'll know today". Whatever this cryptic message meant, Mabel wished she could just cast it away in fantasy, but if there was one thing she learned in her stay in Gravity Falls, it was that it was time for her to stand up, and grow up. She didn't want to duck responsibility anymore.

As her gaze on Dipper's bed lingered, the creak of the door signalled her brother's low-key entry. Mabel continued to play with her stuffed animal friend, even quietly hoping to impress Dipper with her footwork.

"Hey ya, bro!" she beamed, returning her gaze to 'Tooty', hoping the optimism of her voice would be enough to get a positive response.

She received no reply but the heavy steps of a boy wrapped in defeat, their pace unaffected by Mabel's greeting. Her heart clenched a little, as she knew her brother was dealing with something. She dropped the toy, and turned to face Dipper. Dipper was sitting on the edge of his bed, hunched in dejection, arms draped over his legs without even the strength to hold his head. Mabel could only barely discern his face, but she was able to tell it was a face stamped with downheartedness. As the seriousness of the situation dawned on her, she flicked the toy to one side with her leg, and quickly got up to comfort him.

"Dip, what's the matter?" she asked with palpable concern. "Did something happen at the Doctor's?"

Dipper sighed. "Yeah," he confessed.

Amidst an uncomfortably long pause, Mabel's face grew more visibly anxious. "Come on bro, tell me," she gently implored, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He kept silent; at no point did he have the strength to look his sister in the eye. He thought about what to say, but the dread in his gut made him hold his tongue. "Mabel, look, that's nice of you and all, but…I can't tell you."

She sat down just beside him. She took his right hand and held it in both her hands, squeezing gently. A reassuring smile crossed her lips. "Dipper," she said warmly, "come on. Have you looked at your grades bro? What can't you do? Well," she smirked, "besides gym, obviously?"

Dipper laughed for the first time that day; a slight giggle, though one couldn't ignore the tinge of unease that ran through it.

Mabel wrapped an arm around Dipper's neck. "Come on!" she said enthusiastically. "You can tell me!"

Temporarily enlivened from his sister's affection, Dipper began, and found himself unable to stop. "Alright, so…me and mom went to the Doctor's earlier today, and yeah, we've been going a few weeks and all, checks ups, you know? So um, anyway, we went to the Doctor today, and…he told us."

"Told you what?"

Dipper glanced around the room, as if somehow, someone was eavesdropping; he didn't want word of this leaking out, though it probably already had. He gave a look to his sister, one of quiet desperation, and longing for acceptance; he could see the genuine sincerity of someone who deeply cared for him, and that was enough for him to know he could trust her.

Looking down at his feet, he steeled himself. "Mabel, I don't really know how to say this, but…I have Autism."

For the first time in her life, Mabel Pines was rendered speechless. Her admittedly sketchy knowledge of the subject regardless, she had no idea what to tell Dipper anymore. Ask more, and perhaps make him uncomfortable? Leave him alone, and perhaps abandon him? Hug it out, and perhaps patronise him? As her gaze darted in all directions, trying to find something to latch onto, Dipper bore the load, and let it all out.

"The Doctor told us that he'd done all the tests… and I definitely have Asperger's Syndrome."

Despite her initial confusion, Mabel was soon struck with an uncontrollable urge of laughter at the affliction's name, as much as she hated herself for it. Her body shuddered, and her palms covered her mouth to try and keep her lips sealed, but it couldn't be done, and couldn't be ignored.

Dipper spun around and glared in confusion, a growing anger bubbling beneath. "What?"

Mabel's sniggers faded away under the spotlight. "Sorry bro, but you've gotta admit, it is a pretty funny name!"

Dipper clenched his fists, and the weeks of distress festering inside him could be contained no more. "No Mabel! It's not funny!" he snapped in a tone more venomous than he'd ever addressed his sister before. He realized this immediately; regret coursed through his veins in seconds, made all the worse when he saw the shaken, terrified look on his sister's face. It was the first time in Mabel's life that she was ever legitimately scared of her brother, the anger in his eyes; he knew it too. He never hated himself more than at that particular moment.

"Mabel! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-I mean-it's just-I-I-," he stammered, as all control over his body broke down. He seized his head in his shaking palms, fingers clawing so hard they nearly pierced his skin. His throat seized up and he could barely breathe, let alone speak. Dipper's whole body began to tremble; it was as if a storm of static had consumed his brain, and stopped him from functioning. Waves of self-loathing washed through his blood, consuming him in a veil of fear and hopelessness. He sank deeper into Hell, believing himself the worst creature ever created; he could never forgive himself for the way he just spoke to her, so how could God?

Then he felt something surround him, not within, but with-out; Mabel was hugging him, gently, but affectionately. Slowly, the anxiety, and the dread retreated throughout his body, back to the dark recesses of his mind. Mabel felt her brother's trembling slowly fade away. Her chin on his shoulder, Mabel spoke in a soft but piercing whisper. "No Dipper, you don't have to explain anything. I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have laughed. You've had a rough few days, haven't you?"

Dipper was slightly taken aback at this last line, but knew there was no use hiding it. A hug between Mabel's arms was Dipper's favourite place in the whole world. He felt truly safe there; safe enough to say what came next. He returned his sister's hug, equal in its tenderness.

"Mabel, I'm not gonna lie here; ever since the Doctor told me, I'm really, really scared. I mean, it explains the weirdness; the stupid obsessions, no friends, never really fitting in anywhere. I guess I should be happy that there's at least an explanation, right? But, now I'll never get rid of this feeling in my gut."

"What feeling, Dip?"

"…That I'm worthless."

Dipper could already feel Mabel's grip loosen; those words must have stung like shell-shock. He felt he owed her some elaboration.

"Mabel, I know you try to tell me otherwise, but you and I both know that the other kids at school hate me; I don't blame them, I hate me too. When the teacher asks us find a partner, you're always the only person who ever wants to even be near me. Every day at recess, I'm just sitting alone looking at everyone else playing with their friends; all I ever wanted was to have that. And you know what? I thought I would. You're always telling me about how one day I'm going to go out and change the world; how I'm going to be the greatest adventurer in the world, the greatest scientist, the greatest everything. I just thought it would take a few more years and I'd settle down, and everything would be fine.

"But now? I know the truth; I'll never be normal. I'll never be like other kids. I'm stuck with Autism and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't be cured, and I'm just going to be a dweeb until the day I die. I'm going to have to run just to stand still. As if the other kids didn't have enough reasons to make fun of me," he laughed bitterly.

"But that's…not the thing I'm worried about most, Mabel."

Mabel was still frozen in remorse at the pain her brother described, but gathered the will to ask. "W-what do you mean, bro?"

Dipper's voice began to shake, as tears welled in his eyes. "The thing I'm most scared is, well…I'm just a drag and all. You have a whole bunch of friends right now, and you just skip parties whenever I'm not invited. Now that you know I'm hopeless," he shuddered, as all control left him, "I'm scared you hate me for holding you back."

Mabel's eyes shot open, etched with remorse and shock. However, beneath it all, she had never loved her brother more than at that moment; to be told that the thing he cherished most of all was her affection moved her to tears. She stroked his hair to try and calm his sobbing.

"There, there silly," she smiled, hoping her brother didn't notice her own tears falling on his shoulder, "If you think I'm ever going to stop loving you, you've gone totally cray-cray! Holding me back? Pfft. You're been the best friend I've ever had! The bullies didn't make me hate you, the birthmark didn't make me hate you; Autism? Not even a biggie! If you think I'm ever going to hate you, I want you to remember this bro: I love you all the way to Gravity Falls and back."

Dipper stopped, relief and happiness welling through him; Mabel did love him. "Y-you really mean it?"

"Duh! You have nothing to worry about! You've already made plenty of friends! Wendy? Soos? They're your friends! You have so much going for you and you don't even know it! Look!"

Mabel leapt off the bed to the table, opening the drawer. Dipper was slightly worried by her breaking the hug; he wanted it to last forever, but as he looked up, exposing his tear-ridden face to his sister, she looked back with pride, through her own tears, holding the card from Gravity Falls, with everyone's well-wishes.

"Still think you're worthless?" she smiled tenderly.

Dipper broke down again, as Mabel snuggled beside him, handing him the card, and putting her arm over his shoulders.

"Hey, Dip?" asked Mabel.

He didn't want to look away from the card, the reminder of all he accomplished in that one, unforgettable summer, but the compassion of Mabel's voice was irresistible. He turned to see his sister give that look; the one she gave that made him feel like he was her whole world. "W-what is it?" he replied.

She leaned in, as his teary gaze met hers. "You say you want to be like other kids; I don't want one of the other kids, I want my brother. I want the smartest, kindest, best-est brother in the whole world and I already have him right here; I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world.

"Dipper, you are amazing, and if you have Autism, that doesn't make you any less amazing. Heck, we saved the world together, and if we can do that, we can get you through this. I don't care how long it takes, I'll make you the most popular kid in school if you want to; you saved my life a billion times back there, so I think you have a few I.O.U.'s! If anyone can overcome anything, it's you. I believe in you."

Dipper never felt so filled with purpose, so important, so blessed as he did right there. He asked himself what he did to deserve someone who cared for him so much, especially considering that almost no one else in Piedmont seemed to care at all.

"Mabel," he said warmly, "thanks…for sticking by me."

"Don't sweat it, bro-bro!" Mabel said with radiant optimism. "Hey look! It's nearly 7:30! You know what that means!"

Dipper stared in confusion.

Mabel waved her hands in excitement. "Don't you remember? That Maths thingy you made!"

Dipper's eyes lit up at this memory. "Oh yeah! Should be the last ice-cream truck of the day too!"

His sister smiled. "Pretty cool how you made a timetable for the ice-cream trucks so we'd never miss 'em."

Dipper shrugged humbly. "It was your idea! But you're in your pyjamas and all…"

Mabel laughed, jumping off the bed and rushing to the hook behind the door, grabbing Dipper's overcoat. "As if that's gonna stop me!"

Dipper giggled through his cringing to see her so enthusiastic, not even considering stopping her from taking his coat. His eyes were wide, however, when Mabel retrieved a spotless twenty-dollar note from under her pillow. "Hey, where did you get that? Mom and dad don't give us an allowance."

She beamed. "Grunkle Stan slipped it in one of my sweaters. I was waiting for a good time to use it…I think I've found it."

Dipper was taken aback, but slowly, a caring smile grew on his face. "Y-you're buying ice-cream for me?"

"If my Autistic brother wants ice-cream, then ice-cream he's going to get! Come on! We've gotta hurry if we want to catch him!"

Mabel stretched out her hand for her brother. Dipper stared at it, and he thought about how only a few months ago, incredibly, he had considered leaving her behind forever. He gently took hold of it, while Mabel leaped off, carrying him with her, much to his shock and amusement; he felt the joy of being young. Deep down he was still scared about the Diagnosis. Maybe people would talk, maybe people would be scared of him, maybe people would even mock him. There were a lot of 'maybes' floating around his head, but there was one certainty; Mabel was there for him, and that was all that mattered.

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The End