“Pusha Man/Paranoia has to be my favorite track off of the tape.” – @AlexRuiz2796

“Mark, can you get the spreadsheet from the copier. We need to go over the Henderson numbers,” Yelled a 20 something man in a authentically worn down t-shirt and jeans. His was long, and held up in a man bun.

“Yes, sir,” said Mark.

The days had been wearing Mark down. The startup company that he got an internship in had been stagnant. He was hoping by this point there would be a full time position here, but after 6 months, his patience was running dry. He had been slipping whiskey into his morning coffee. The light buzz seemed to take the edge off of his daily grind. Doing paperwork for a company that produces panda robots that only serve as paper shredders was taking days off his life. He should have known the corporate model was pointless. Who even wants panda paper shredders?

Mark walked over to the copier and grabbed the papers waiting for him. The top page read “Mark is really gay.” This is what he gets for being a 33 year old intern working for glorified high school students. He flipped the page. “Mark’s penis is like google, but the opposite of it. Ask Jeeves? Mark’s dick is ask Jeeves.” The stack of papers had to be 100 pages. He didn’t want to read the rest of them.

“Hey Mark. You read page 3 yet. That one’s mine,” Yelled Dave, a 16 year old who has dreads and a degree from Stanford and Stamford.

Mark sighed and looked at the third page. It was a picture of a panda, sodomizing a stick figure with Mark’s facebook profile picture as the head. Read the rest of this entry »