So what does a chronically kinky, happily married young woman do? Get pregnant, apparently…

At the start of this pregnancy, the thoughts on my mind were things like “What is safe?” “How much can I safely take during pregnancy?” and “What must I avoid to make sure I don’t harm the baby?”

As the pregnancy progressed, however, the answers to those questions became irrelevant, because the questions changed. They are now more along the lines of “How much energy do I have today?” and “What has been achy lately?”

I’m afraid my news may sound rather pessimistic to those that are still in their first trimester or early second… but for all intents and purposes, the only BDSM I indulge in now is the occasional sensory play (while lying comfortably on my side with supportive pillows under my massive belly and between my knees) or a bit of spanking during/before sex (which, again, is gentler than usual, as I simply can’t stretch the way I normally do – try having your back arched back when your belly, already stretched to the max, screams in protest… it’s not a good kind of pain. Plus it could cause ruptures in there… not good.)

I do miss getting more… sometimes I get those sharp cravings… but it’s like craving dessert after a huge meal – I want it, but I know my body’s not up for it, and forcing it wouldn’t be enjoyable at all.

That said, my pregnancy has been a little harsh. Not the worst kind, but pretty miserable. Three months of horrible nausea 24/7. Two months of random intense ligament pain, breathlessness and overwhelming exhaustion (I’d sleep 18 hours a day on my days off work sometimes – the rest of the time I just barely made it through the work day before going home to crash). It wasn’t until the end of my fifth month of pregnancy that I finally started feeling myself again. I still have joint pains, ligament pains, hip pain (can’t walk more than 10 minutes before the pain becomes unbearable) and fluctuating energy levels. But it’s manageable, and that makes all the difference. I can cope with that.

For those that don’t suffer quite as many side effects, there is no reason to stop play during pregnancy. Just like with other things, you need to modify it to suit your new and constantly changing body, but here’s what I learned back before I realized what a struggle my own pregnancy was going to become:

(DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a medical professional, and my research consisted mostly of teh internetz, so please take my recommendations with a grain of salt. I am simply sharing what I learned to the best of my ability – you’ll still have to take precautions to ensure your own safety and ideally talk to a BDSM-friendly medical professional for specifics!)

Hitties are OK, with a few extra ‘danger zones’ and limitations:

While I saw no medical proof of why, many advised avoiding big trauma in the first 3 months.

Obviously the areas that are always off limits are still off limits – no hitting unprotected organs, and be super careful with the neck!

With pregnancy, the belly becomes a big no-no.

Personally, I’d avoid the front of the body altogether. While breasts may still be ok for some, they are going to change so much, so rapidly, that you don’t want to be healing trauma in that area at the same time as their very composition is changing (maybe the changes are less dramatic in later pregnancies, but as a first-timer, my boobs went from a modest A-cup to a bulging D-cup in less than 3 months.)

If you’re breastfeeding, you especially want to be careful of this as you approach birth – you don’t want to increase your chances of developing mastitis. Clogged/restricted milk flow can lead to mastitis, and impact injuries can cause swelling that does just that.

Sensation play

Pinchies, tickles, soft/scratchy/clampy/bity/clawy play appears perfectly safe.

Electrics: not something I’m into so didn’t research it. Gut feeling says “not a good idea” – talk to your doctor.

Ice cubes and other cold sensations are ok.

Hot sensations: careful of overheating. Overheating is bad. You can’t even enjoy saunas/hot tubs anymore, especially during the first trimester.

Mummification/full body restraints/masks: see overheating precaution. Also, keep in mind that you will become breathless easily as your organs get pushed around and your lungs get less space. Make sure you can ALWAYS breathe comfortably.

Don’t do breath play so didn’t research, but again gut feeling says “super bad idea” – talk to your doctor.

Restraints

Ugh, I’m afraid I have some bad news…

Be careful with forced positions – your joints are weaker and your body is pumped full of relaxants that allow your ligaments to stretch abnormally far. Injury risk is high.

Avoid harsh, jerky movements. Again, you can injure yourself before you know it.

Avoid restraints that place you in a position that makes it difficult to breathe. Your organs are being pushed around so your lungs and diaphragm have little space. You can easily become short of breath.

Avoid restraints that put pressure on your belly, lower back, breasts or around your rib cage… so yeah… not a LOT of options left…

Don’t lie flat on your back. When you do, the weight of your uterus lies on the spine, back muscles, intestines, and major blood vessels. This can lead to muscle pains, hemorrhoids, and impaired circulation, which can reduce circulation to your baby (and it’s uncomfortable and can make you dizzy).

Aside from this, swelling of the ankles, feet and hands is common in pregnancy… so use your judgement (or talk to a doctor) about what kind of restraints you can safely use there.

If you’re into play with any kind of human waste, you might want to forgo that during pregnancy as your baby is vulnerable to things that wouldn’t affect you too much. And of course, stress is not a feeling we’re allowed to indulge in – so taper down the intensity if you do very intense scenes, especially during those fragile first 3 months.

A couple more things – not BDSM in particular, but a sex thing in general:

Oral sex is generally fine, but if you receive oral sex, make sure your partner doesn’t blow air into your vagina. Rarely, a burst of air may block a blood vessel (air embolism) — which could be a life-threatening condition for you and the baby.

Anal sex should be fine as long as you’re careful about cross contamination (don’t get those bacteria anywhere near the vagina), but please be careful if you’re experiencing the all-too-common constipation, and obviously avoid it if you’ve developed hemorrhoids. Yes, that is a common pregnancy complication. Isn’t it fun…

That’s about all I know. I’m sure there’s more, and I’m hardly Teh BDSM Sexpert, so hopefully you’ll use this post as an informative “things to look into” post rather than a be-all end-all fount of knowledge. Just wanted to share ^^

Remember, this is a time that you’re sacrificing to create a new person.

Some of those sacrifices will suck.

But the reward will be worth it.

So much more than you know.