AN: No, NO! Can it be?! Is it possible?! Another chapter of Scar Tissue!? It's impossible! Has the world stopped spinning?! What the hell?! No, really, here's the new chappy, folks.

Warning: Angst and fluff ahead.

You have been warned. Enjoy.

Scar Tissue

Chapter Fourteen. Act Thirteen: These Walls

NERV Medical Ward. Tenth day of recovery. 12:48am.

Asuka's body lay prone against his, her soft breaths tickled his right ear constantly while her head rested again his shoulders and her breasts caressed his chest. Naked limbs made contact with one another under the haven of the sheets; the sweat from before now felt chilling to Shinji, who had once again forgotten to close the small window of his room. He was forgetting that lately, along with his dinner. Sometimes even lunch went by and he didn't remember to eat. He never forgot to cook, though. No, that was the only moment he was free, free of it all, free of the voices and regret and the crushing guilt, free of the visions, of the accusations of those who saw him on the street and pointed with their finger. He was even free of Asuka for a while; she gave him his miserable escape time to cook, thankfully.

The smell of her was all around him, her body warm and perfect against his flesh, but he felt no peace. Mindless pleasure was a double-edged sword, and a triple-edged sword for Ikari Shinji, it seemed. After five months with her, and two month of sharing his bed with her, the blade had bled him out cut by cut, double-edged or not. He felt empty.

Another night, another nightmare, and yet another weird encounter between him and the volatile young woman he so loved, so hated and was so afraid of. His uselessness knew no limits, apparently. The burning need to help her, to be with her, to touch her ate away at him with every passing day. But he could not will himself to touch her, could not even lay a finger on her while she moved above him, covered in sweat and panting. He was always afraid, always scared to move forward in the tiniest of ways, afraid to make himself more vulnerable than what he was. Asuka didn't care though, she did as she pleased and acted as if they'd just finished fighting the Twelfth Angel, as if everything was suddenly back to normal. It infuriated him, her indifference.

The thought of it ignited the black pit of hatred deep within Shinji's stomach, but he forced himself to swallow it down like bile. Such thoughts never drove him to good places, but then again, neither did good thoughts or good intentions. What was his care to Asuka? Just a punching bag, nothing more, something to be used and put away in the closet; to her he was probably a breathing floor mat, right there for her to wipe her shoes, dry away her tears and keep on going. Shinji sighed and did the exact same thing he had been doing all his life, he swallowed down the anger once again. Hollow eyes, glazed with endless torment and horrors beyond imagining, stared at the dark, unfamiliar ceiling above him. No answers that night either, no magical enlightenment, not even his damn SDAT.

There was nothing more to do now, he had given his word and would see it through, no matter how painful, how shameful his duty was. It didn't matter if it cost him his health, it didn't matter if it cost his sanity, what little of it still remaining belonged to her now.

The former Third Chid choked out a laugh, strained and false and careful, so as not to disturb Asuka and bring about more of her ire. His fingers still hurt a bit when he flexed his hand too hard, but she'd been kind enough to only break one of them. His side was still hurting from where she'd hit him earlier that day. One single, solid kick straight to his ribcage had been enough to drive him to the floor, trying not to vomit his wretched lunch. She'd been doing that as of late, adding the kicks to the mix. Her fists he could take, she didn't punch nearly as hard as Touji did, but her legs where a different story altogether. She had a way of aiming perfectly in a few seconds and just slamming with her whole body's momentum. He'd received one of those to his leg the other day for asking her to leave him alone while he was cleaning; it had been enough to provoke an ugly bruise on his thigh. What was it that he had done this time? Had he not listened to her while she was insulting him? Had he not cleaned her room correctly, or offended her with laughter, God forbid a smile? Did it even matter anymore? How long before he just disappeared, before the hallucinations turned realistic again? How long now, before he lost his mind?

Beside him, Asuka shifted, moving closer to him to get warmer, unconsciously rubbing her thigh around his groin. The boy grunted quietly and turned to look at the ceiling in utter defeat. Once more Shinji had been made to stay still while Asuka did as she wanted with him, taking full advantage of his inability to resist her, or so much as contradict her for that matter. It felt good, indeed, but it all accounted to nothing for him in the end. It was so unfair that he couldn't just move along with her, become one with her, and make love like a regular fucking couple. Oh, but they were everything but a couple;maybe she would finally see it through and kill him, should he suggest such nonsense. The boy choked back another bitter laugh; he had yet again been reduced to staring at eyes looking exactly as empty as his while Asuka grinded against him. How pathetic.

Dark thoughts circled his semi-conscious mind, hazed with sleep deprivation, exhaustion and bitterness. Sometimes he wandered if he should have just let the redhead float away into the LCL. Why had she suddenly been laying there beside him? Why couldn't he remember? He'd been walking back from somewhere, where was it? Had it been the Geo-Front? The crater? He couldn't recall what it was, or how he'd ended up beside his pathetic little wooden graveyard. Had he been talking to Misato's tomb that day?

Shinji huffed, it made no difference. How the hell had he even managed to distinguish her hair in that ocean of blood, anyway? No memories came to greet him, just the vague image of him catching a glimpse of a golden glow on the Ocean, out there in that Ocean of blood which disgusted him so, and then…then waking up. Next to her, next to Asuka. Everything after finding himself next to her he recalled with clarity; the anger descended upon him, the memories of her constant insults came back fresh as morning dew, her bitchy attitude towards him, her constant pushing him away ignited his endless rage. 'Shinji, do this, Shinji do that, Shinji you idiot, Shinji you coward, Shinji you monster'. He turned to glare at the mass of red hair sprawled next to his head, and for a wild moment felt his fingers twitch for her throat. Enough, he had thought on the day he found her. Fuck it all. Die.

It'd be so easy, too. Now that she was sated, all he needed to do was wrap his hands around that soft, elegantly long, slender neck of hers and just squeeze.

Just squeeze. Squeeze and squeeze and squeeze and not stop this time around if she reached for his face. Squeeze until she stopped breathing, until her heart stopped beating and her neck snapped, until it turned purple, until her eyes bulged and her windpipe burst in his hands. Yes. Just squeeze. Just make her quiet, make her stop hurting him, make her his. Then he wouldn't have to hear her stupid reasons of why he couldn't touch her, he'd just touch her where he wanted. He'd just do what he wanted, take what he wanted. Yes. Then he'd escape. Escape into her, pay her back with the same coin, make Asuka his. All he needed to do was squeeze. Choke her, exactly as he'd done in Third Impact, on the beach, on that day she kept on nagging. Killing the likes of her would be so simple, too. He had her routine measured to the tiniest details; it was all a matter of waiting for right moment, just like this, and squeeze.

'Why was I trying to kill you?' he mimicked her in his mind. 'Why shouldn't I kill you? All you do is hurt me. You'd be so easy to kill, too. Just press my fingers down your throat, shut you up for once.' A few moments of desperate struggle, a few moments of letting his anger out and it'd all be over. Then he could go ahead and slice his veins open once and for all. He'd be able to rest, to roast in Hell with some semblance of peace at long last. Yes, all he needed was to squeeze, just like he'd done with Unit 3, when he'd dismembered his friend. Just let it out, just squeeze.

The thought drove a cold shudder down Shinji's back. Yes, he had done just that with Touji, just squeezed until he snapped his neck and then punched and punched until nothing remained. He wasn't smart enough to understand how the Dummy System worked, but he wasn't stupid enough not to recognize himself. His EVA had simply copied what he did when he lost control.

With that final, terrible thought Shinji came to, realizing his left hand was clutching the sheets with enough force to feel his nails digging into the skin of his palm through the sheets. His meager muscles were ripped around his forearms, veins bulging with the force of his clutch. He released his hold on the blankets slowly, taking deep breaths to slow his speeding heart. He turned to look over at Asuka and released a sigh of relief upon confirming she was still asleep. The last thing he needed in a moment like this was for her to wake up and anger him. The tension of his body didn't disappear when he let go of the sheets, if anything, his hand continued to clench and unclench without him realizing it. Little by little, gulp by gulp, he swallowed down the bitter pill of his resentment.

Soon after the anger left his body, Shinji was once again consumed by the never-ending misery, shame and guilt he had gotten so used to. Here he was, thinking of killing off the one reason he was still able to discern between his mind and reality, simply because he resented the tasks he was forced to perform for her. But he never really did anything, did he?

Sure, he cleaned the house. Scavenged in every place he could to find suitable ingredients for a half-decent lunch or dinner, sometimes going into the rubbles all day long. Sure, he cleaned her clothes, washed them with whatever water he could afford to waste while she worked on some kind of water distiller. He cooked and cleaned and pretended nothing was amiss when Misato sat with them in the old, worn-out dinner table to devour the scraps he'd been able to procure. He was there as a punching bag and a maid, and now a comfort toy as well, but it was nothing; it accounted to nothing, just like everything he had ever done.

Beside him, Asuka shifted again, making Shinji panic for a second. She didn't wake, however, only moved even closer to him, nudged his groin even more with her knee and smacked her lips while asleep, only to keep breathing deeply a second afterwards. Shinji felt the arousal heat up the base of his stomach at her close proximity, forcing the shame even deeper into his blackened soul. Had he not been thinking about ending her life just now? It just took a smile, a nudge, or a caress from her and Shinji was reduced to putty in her hands. The torture of having her so close to him, and yet so far away, seemed oddly fitting for the boy who had refused to save the world, only because he didn't know what it was to share human warmth.

The more Asuka neared him, the more his arousal got the better of him. For a wild moment he felt unable to control himself, ready to jerk off with her unconscious and sprawled against him, but the moment his left hand started going down his stomach Shinji felt revulsion jump at his throat. Had something like that not been the reason she was so disgusted with the very notion of him touching her? He curled his hand into a fist, opened it and slapped himself over the head for good measure, always careful not to upset the sleeping redhead. With his hand covering the left side of his face, Shinji blinked slowly.

"God," he whispered to himself. "I'm so fucked up…"

"You are," came the response from everywhere in the room. The ever-familiar sensation of utter fear went down Shinji's spine as widened eyes searched in desperation for the owner of his own voice. Fear quickly turned to panic, panic to horror, and horror to despair. There it was, the monster that so often haunted his dreams, there it was.

Red eyes shined with malice from the open door of his closet. Shinji felt himself go weak when the stench of rotting flesh, ever familiar, made its way to his nostrils. The crimson eyes narrowed at him while the cold shudder turned his blood into ice.

"Coward," it whispered to him from the closet. "Thought you could run away from me, hmm? Thought Asuka was going to keep me at bay, huh, Shinji?" Out of nowhere, everything in his small room with the exception of himself and the owner of the red orbs was engulfed in flames. Asuka's body burned away from him, her warmth disappeared along with his bed, his window, the walls of his room. Soon enough there was nothing but him standing naked in the Void, and the beast who comfortably sat in a steel chair, watching him with twisted amusement.

"You truly are a coward, aren't you Shinji? Aside from being a monster, that is. Hiding behind a girl, how pathetic." The young man blinked at the Beast. For once, he could not see blood seeping from its opened wounds; there was no gash in its chest where he could see blood pouring out. One of the monster's eyes was almost swollen shut; a small dribble of crimson froth escaped his opened lips, there were scratched all along its arms, but there was no gore about it anymore.

"I told you," it said, rising from the chair and dusting its school pants. "You can't win. You can't run. I'll find you if you run from me, and I'll make you remember just how much of a monster you are."

The beast made its way around him, circling Shinji like a lion would a helpless prey, knowing full well he was all but paralyzed. "You were starting to think everything was going back to normal, huh? No, no, no, my dear boy. Do you remember that night?" it said, rancid breath ever so close to him.

"Of course you do," continued the monster, not keen on letting him speak for the time of being. "I was noticing just how much you were deluding yourself, thinking it was something else that pushed you to do those horrible, horrible things. But we know better than that," it smirked sadistically at him with the same expression he had worn when choking Asuka. "Don't we?"

"Why, you were deceiving everyone around you with the good boy act, weren't you?" The beast's stance continued to grow more and more aggressive as it noticed Shinji had not even flinched yet, he just stood facing him with his eyes downcast and brown hair obscuring half his face. Red eyes shined with the color of blood when the Beast leaped in front of him, the horror of its eyes blazing straight into his blue orbs.

"You don't fool me, Shinji. I'm you, I know you. You're a monster, a murderer, a coward. How many nights did you think about killing her, hm? How many days, how many times did you want to wrap your hands on that neck and squeeze?" The beast's tattered arm rose and took him by the neck.

"You may fool everyone around you, but you can't lie to yourself. I know why you just sat there and did nothing while she beat you. I know why you just let her do as she pleased. You knew, you know…" It pressed against his neck, choking and not choking him. "You know that if you snap, you won't stop this time. Besides the guilt, there's the fear, isn't there, Shinji?"

It smirked at him, showing bloodied teeth."The fear of not controlling yourself, the fear of killing her all over again with those innocent-looking hands of yours. They're already dripping blood, aren't they? What's one more person to your list? What's a little more red on the hands of a murderer like you? Are you still afraid to let me out, Shinji?"

It pressed hard against his throat, red froth falling from its mouth. "I'll be gentle with her, don't worry. I'll just choke her like you wanted to, just make her quiet. It'll be quick, over before you can even jerk off, how does that sound? What's one more, eh?"

Something scalding moved along the Third Child's stomach. How dare this beast, how dare it threaten Asuka? His left hand started clenching and unclenching, making the monster smile all the wider. "I wonder," it whispered to him. "It is her neck you're thinking of ringing with that hand?"

All around him the screams of the victims of Third Impact began to build up, slowly turning deafening. "I can do it for you. I'd hate to kill my muse, but I'd do it. Do you want me to? Don't you want me to rid you of her, like I rid you of the Third? Or maybe you'd prefer if I just bite down into her neck and pull out her windpipe, like I did with the Fourteenth?"

The more he beast spoke, the more Shinji felt himself fall into a haze of pure, raw, pulsing anger. Ever since he had returned from Third Impact, the mere notion of anyone daring to even badmouth Asuka in his presence managed to make him lose control. He had been more than useless to her before Third Impact, during the event he had pathetically cowered under the disappointing gaze of Unit 01 while she was torn to pieces, and afterwards he'd been so afraid to do anything but what she ordered, that he'd simply sat back and allowed her to hurt even more.

Not again. Not ever.

"What about taking what we want, hm?" The monster demanded, clutching his throat even tighter. Curiously enough, Shinji felt no pressure on his lungs. "How about we just choke her to death and then fuck her? You've thought about it for years now, haven't you? How long has it been since last time, two months? I can do it, if you don't want to get your dirty hands even dirtier. All you have to do is let me out…"

The beast's rancid breath did not provoke disgust in him any longer. The smell of it angered him, every word it said angered him. What more could it do to him, anyhow? Now it was demanding to be let out, let out in front of Asuka of all things. His fist clenched with brutal force.

"She's right next to us, isn't she?" it asked, amused. "Just a few steps away from our bed. Your body's stronger now, you can take it. You can do it, all you need to do, Shinji, is set me loose. We'll choke her, we'll fuck her, we'll do as we please. Let yourself become what you are, Shinji, let yourself become the monster and fuck her already, why don't y-"

The beast's speech was abruptly cut off when Shinji's left hand wrapped around its own throat. He squeezed, squeezed as hard as he could, and allowed the anger to flow through him. For once, the anger felt right. There was no shame, no guilt about displaying it, only one single fact remained in his mind.

This beast had just threatened Asuka's life.

"God damn you," Shinji growled, glaring with vehemence into the monster's surprised face. For once, it was its arm that began to loosen its hold on his throat. "How dare you!?"

'Attack your opponent,' whispered his instructor's voice from out of nowhere.

"How dare you threaten my Asuka?!" Shinji slammed his foot against the beast's chest, forcing it to drop its grip on his throat and step back.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" it screamed back at him, eyes full or surprised rage. "I'm you, you fucking idiot; it's you who wants to kill her!" The boy's right fist clenched as well. He turned to the beast and starting walking towards his inner fears and demons for the first time in his life.

"I did," he admitted. "I did want to kill her. I wanted to make her hurt, use her in a way that couldn't hurt me back. But that's the past now." With every step he took, the Void recoiled; the darkness began to crack around him while the beast looked around with fearful eyes.

"The past?!" It spat, taking another step back. It looked nervous for once, making Shinji clench his fists even tighter. "You exist only in the past, you dimwit! That's why I'm here, because you keep running away from it! I'll show you, I'll show you just how much-"

"Your act is getting old," Shinji interrupted coldly. The anger had somehow cleared his mind instead of making it hazy, he felt completely in control of his actions, completely in control of himself. "You've shown me everything already, time and time again, for nine months. Go ahead, do it."

Shinji stood in front of his inner demon, glaring down at it with vehemence. "I'm not running anywhere. You don't need to hunt me down, I'm right here." The beast recoiled even further as it glared with eyes full of hatred.

"You dare?!" it screamed, enraged. "I'll make you lose your mind, I'll make you kill her for your disrespect, I'll mess you up so bad you'll be begging for death, do you hear me?! You can't win, I'll make you destroy Misato! I'll make you hurt your sister, I'll force to hurt your precious little Asuk-"

His fist collided with the beast's face in a second, interrupting it yet again. He kicked it on the ribs for good measure, feeling an immense pleasure sprout from his chest with every attack. He had lost his family once already, lost Rei, lost Misato, lost Asuka. Let this thing try to take them away. The beast reared back, stunned, and turned its unbelieving gaze to him. He scoffed and flew his left fist again, managing to make the beast fall on its butt for once.

"Say it again," he challenged. "Threaten Misato again. Threaten my sister again. Threaten Asuka again."

The beast showed him its teeth, making the Void rumble with its own rage. "Who the fuck do you think you are?! I'll do as I please! I'll fuck your little girlfriend until she blee-"

This time, Shinji's foot came crashing down onto the beast's face and broke its nose with a sickening crunch. He kicked its face again and again, forcing it deeper into the ground. "Say it again," he bit through clenched teeth as he kicked. "Say how you'll touch my sister. Say how you'll touch my Asuka." He kneeled down and straddled the beast with his legs, as it had done with him for so long.

"Say it," he said, throwing a punch."Say it, go ahead," two more punches collided with the beast. Blood sprinkled on Shinji's face. "Say it again." Punch.

"Say it; tell me you'll touch my family."

Punch.

"Tell me how you'll rip Asuka's throat with my teeth."

Punch.

"Tell me how you'll rape her."

Punch. Punch.

"Tell me how you'll torture me."

Punch.

"How you'll make me snap."

"Why you little, I'll ki-"

Punch.

"Tell me how you'll make me guilty, how you'll make me run away."

Punch.

"Tell me." Punch. "Tell me." Punch. "Tell me!"

The beast glared at him with its one useful eye and transformed into the butchered version of Asuka which had for so long haunted him. Shinji's next punch stopped cold in mid air, his eyes wide.

"Shinji-kun… is this what you'll do to me?" it said, daring to use Asuka's voice. The hole on its eye was red and bleeding, its arm torn in half, but instead of making him afraid the beast's desperate antic only fueled the fires of his anger. "Is this how you'll kill me, how you'll finish disgracing me?" it smiled crookedly at him, licking its lips. "Is this the real Ikari Shinji?"

"SHUT UP!" Shinji clenched his fisted hand and drove it straight to the monster's head. The half-rotted skull exploded in a shower of blood and gore, bathing half his arm in blackened liquid. "I'll own up to it. To everything, no matter how much it hurts. I won't run away. I'll stay right here. I'll do better." He clenched his bloodied fists at his side and screamed. "No running away!"

The carcass under him dissolved in blood. Above him, Shinji could hear the Ocean building up, could see the tidal wave of red crashing through the Void. The mass of red condensed in front of him, twisting into a tornado containing all the blood he'd ever spilled, every time he had run away, every action result of his cowardice, every memory he had blocked, every single sin on his soul. The whirl exploded into the grime-covered form of Unit 1, its armor mostly gone, horrible teeth blared and eyes shining red. It roared at his face, big enough to squash him like a bug.

Fear gripped at his throat, but Shinji stood his ground. He had made promises, compromised not to run away again. If he couldn't keep a promise to himself, how could he ever hope to fulfill his word to Asuka, to anyone? No, no more running. No escaping.

The Third Child screamed back, deafening Unit 1's roar. "I'm not afraid of you! Come at me, you piece of trash! I'll kill you! I'll send you to the darkest pit of my mind and lock you there permanently if I have to!"

"HA!" The beast boomed while it picked him from the ground with a blood-drenched hand. "I don't care if you're pretending to be tough or not, but it doesn't matter. I'll hunt you when you're awake! You think you can win?! Asuka's on that hospital bed right now because of You!" The beast spoke without speaking, the jaws of Unit 1 stayed open, letting him glance at the whirlpool of torture inside of it. All his hatred, his fear and anger coiled in a tornado of black and red within the beast's body. The voice came from everywhere, from the Void itself.

"I know that!" Shinji screamed back. "But crying about it doesn't help at all, either! I'll do what I have to so I can protect her, so I can protect my family! Even if it means I have to die!" The beast roared yet again, tightening its grip around his body. The familiar sound reverberated in the Void, making Shinji cringe, but he did not back down.

"Do you want to die?!" demanded the beast at last. "You can't do anything, you murderer! You coward! You idiot! You spineless little worm! Do you want to die?! Do You want to Die?!"

"NO!" he screamed back with equal force. "I want to live, I want to be happy! I want my friends to be happy, I want to see Misato try to hide her white hair, I want to see Rei have her first boyfriend, I want to see Touji get married, I want to make Asuka happy!"

"And how will you do that, you pathetic worm?! You can't do anything! You won't do anything! You won't even help yourself! How can someone like you be happy!?" The beast roared one last time, and upon noticing Shinji had lowered his head, dragged the boy closer to its open maw. "Ran out of smart answers, tough guy?" The beast mocked him, salivating with anticipation.

Its hand froze in mid-air when he spoke. "I don't know," the former pilot whispered. "I don't know how to be happy. I don't know if someone like me even deserves it, but that won't stop me from trying." He turned to stare at the crazed, hate-filled eyes of the beast. "I've always been afraid. I've always been scared of what would happen if I ever committed myself to anything. Afraid to fail. To get hurt, to disobey. What did being afraid ever do for me? What did it ever do for you?"

The beast held him even farther away from its eyes, in a similar way he had held onto Kaworu the day he'd killed his last friend. "There's no point in it, anymore. There's no point in hiding away from you. There's no point in being afraid of you. There's no point in not trying, no point at all in wondering if I deserve to be happy. I'll only hurt myself, and the ones who care about me. So I'll just start trying. I'll just do better, I'll try my best."

For once, Shinji offered his beast a sincere, untroubled smile. "I'll try my best."

The beast's jaws snapped shut. The Void cracked like crystal around them, letting light filter through.

"Well then," it growled. "Congratulations, Shinji."

The Void broke at last. The beast disappeared. He was suddenly standing in the center of a group of people, standing around everyone he had ever known, and they were clapping. They were clapping, for him? There was Misato, smiling proudly at him. To his right was Rei with a serene smile on her face. Asuka looked on with the smirk that made his knees weak. Father, Mother, even his old Sensei. Ritsuko was there, and Maya, and Makoto and Shigeru, everyone was there. And they were clapping, clapping for him. Shinji's eyes widened; it felt so familiar. Had this happened before?

Even the beast was standing amongst them. It looked human at last, exactly the same as him, aside from the blood-crimson eyes and a few scratches and bumps on his face. It smirked at him. "Congratulations, Shinji."

"Huh?"

Blue eyes opened in a flash, alert and frightened as if woken from a shock. Shinji's orbs turned left and right, recognizing the darkness of the hospital room around him. He breathed a heavy sigh of relief, feeling strangely subdued, strangely well rested. What…had he be dreaming about? Something about the beast, the monster inside his mind. Something about trying harder, something about Asuka, and Rei and Misato. It was happening more often now; he normally recalled his nightmares with agonizing detail, the images clouded his mind day and night without respite. Lately, however, the defining details of his dreams were lost in a haze after the first seconds of awareness, leaving him with unfinished lines and half-cut images.

Shinji rubbed his face with his left hand, surprised not to feel the moisture of the usual cold sweat that accompanied most of his mornings. The first details of the dream solidified a bit on his brain, making Shinji freeze as he remembered the night and thoughts he'd been relieving. He turned to the direction of Asuka's bed, eyes widening when he saw her sitting up, looking at him.

Even when she was trying to hide it, Shinji saw the shadow of concern on her expression under the dim light that filtered through the window. He smiled awkwardly, but the female pilot only raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Who were you kicking so much?" she asked, yawning.

Shinji blinked, turning on his side to seat himself as well. "W-what do you mean?" he asked back.

"You were moving around a lot. Did you hurt your ribs?" Her eyes turned steely, making the boy gulp. He felt around the loose bandages on his side, and upon discovering no troublesome ache, shook his head. Asuka huffed, sticking out her lower lip.

"You woke me up, Baka," she said. "I was having a good dream, for once." Shinji gave her an apologetic smile and scratched his head in embarrassment.

"S-Sorry!" he told Asuka, blushing. The redhead crossed her arms and turned away, but he could discern the slight flush on her cheek. "Ba-Ka." She told him, sticking out her tongue.

"Who the hell were you kicking so much, anyway?" she asked once more, raising her chin. "You even kicked over your blanket."

Shinji gazed at the floor and noticed Asuka was right; his blankets lay on the ground beside his bed and the cover of his mattress had all but been removed by his constant moving as well. How the hell had he managed not to hurt himself?

"Um, well," the boy said as he scratched his head. "Myself, really."

Asuka blinked at him. "Hm? How come you were kicking yourself, Baka?"

Shinji dropped his arm and shrugged. "I was being an ass," he offered. "So I kicked some sense into me."

Asuka snickered at him, swinging her legs out of bed. "H-Asuka! You shouldn't be getting-"

"Oh, shut up already, will you?" she interrupted. The redhead walked towards his bed and dismissed his concern with a motion of her hand. "It's been ten days, relax." Shinji sat perplexed as she bent over to pick his fallen blanket, hissing a bit as she came back up. He was about to voice out his concern for her wound again, but was shocked to silence when she covered his body with the blanket, grabbed his head between her soft hands and planted a delicate kiss on his forehead.

"Congratulations, then," she said, ruffling his hair. Shinji, for his part, had successfully acquired the color of a tomato on his face.

"W-what for?" he wondered aloud as he stared unbelievingly at Asuka. Said girl gave him a smile, turning back to her own bed.

"For kicking your own ass, Baka-Shinji." She winked at him once she was under the covers, and turned on her left side side so as to face him. Shinji, for his part, sat petrified for a few more seconds before he managed to regain some mobility on his limbs and force himself into a stiff supine position, staring at the ceiling.

After a few heartbeats of silence, Shinji heard Asuka shuffle and clear her throat. "So, um," she asked snidely. "In what, exactly, were you going to try your best, Shinji?"

"Eh?!" The boy, scandalized, turned his head to stare at her open-mouthed, a crimson blush around his nose.

"You talk in your sleep, idiot," Asuka provided, giving him a sly smile. "Sometimes, at least."

"W-Well, um…!" Shinji's brain tried to articulate a proper response, but his system crashed with embarrassment. How much had she heard, anyway? "U-Um, y-you sleepwalk!" he accused back.

Asuka rolled her eyes boringly at him. "So you've told me before, idiot. Really now, what was all that 'I'll try my best' stuff just now, hm?" Shinji blushed even more, turning to look at the ceiling again, lip scrunched up.

"U-Um, … no-nothing in particular just…um… giving it my best… and…and damn everything else, you know?" He took another deep breath and tried to bring down his pulse.

"I've done enough half-assing for a lifetime, I guess," Shinji admitted, giving Asuka a sheepish smile.

"You and me, both, Baka." She smiled back and turned to her other side, blocking her face from view. "I'll do my best, too. Try to keep up, okay?"

"H-Hai!" Shinji answered as he got comfortable on his stiff mattress. "Good night, Asuka." He said, feeling strangely at peace in the sterile environment of the hospital. It didn't matter at all when he had his family so close to him, none of it did.

"Night, Shinji," she answered, hiding her proud smile from him. Just now, when he was asleep, she thought. He sounded so sure of himself, so determined. A heated blush crept on her cheeks. So hot! Asuka gave herself a smack on the head. Stupid brain, shut up! But he did, I'll give you that much.

Another night went by, another nightmare dulled by their mutual company.

NERV Medical Ward. Eleventh day of recovery. Third "voluntary" therapy session.

"I guess it started… a couple of weeks after we came back." Asuka said, feeling more uncomfortable by the second. She despised opening up to anyone, but between Misato and a psychiatrist, she certainly preferred her legal guardian. These little therapy sessions with Misato had gotten more and more intimate, which in turn made Asuka feel more vulnerable and thus, more aggressive.

"I told myself it was because he… you know… let me die and…" she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Because he… masturbated when I was unconscious. And, tried to kill me." Misato gave no clear sign of surprise to the news, she barely reacted at all, making Asuka feel even more uncomfortable. "Um… twice."

"I even left at one point; I think that's when things really went sour for us…" She remembered the paranoia, the anger and the phantom pain traveling all the way up her arm. "Can you imagine? After all we'd been through; after all I'd seen I still couldn't let myself be vulnerable around him. I was so sickened with him…with me… that I just needed to know… needed to know…"

The words left her. She didn't want to admit it, didn't want to say it. Shinji would be coming back from therapy soon; if she stayed quiet she could postpone voicing out loud one of the sickest parts of her behavior. Even when the redhead knew Misato would not break her trust, opening up so much was igniting the fires of her anger. Misato's calculating look was not helping manners, so Asuka looked away and frowned.

"What?" Misato asked after a pregnant silence. "What did you need to know, Asuka?" Seeing her young charge shake her head and look away, the Sub-Commander decided to be ruthless. "You can tell me, or we arrange a round of sessions with our psychiatrist, and we can proceed to locate you in a different room." Asuka's hands curled into fists, choking the non-existent life out of the bed sheets. Sure, Misato didn't like to threaten Asuka or blackmail her where she knew it hurt, but as a legal guardian she had to make sure Shinji was safe in Asuka's presence.

Said Redhead glared vehemently at her when she mentioned transferring her to another room. It was funny, in a sad, twisted way. Nine months of pure psychological hell and Armageddon had to pass for Asuka to admit she was actually fond Shinji's company. "I really hate you right now." The Second Child whispered, glaring from beneath her crimson bangs.

Misato smirked. "No, you don't," she answered easily. "Now, spill the beans, kid." Her frustrations quickly gaining on her, Asuka exploded.

"I needed to know I could still hurt him, okay?!" She screamed right on Misato's face. She felt a dark type of satisfaction in watching her guardian's eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. Yeah, you wanted to know?! She thought viciously, You wanted to see inside my head?! There! "I wanted to know he still reacted to me, he still noticed I existed!" In a second Misato's dumbfounded expression turned to anger as well.

"And you needed o kick his ribs in to do that?! He fed you, clothed and protected you in those shacks and for what?! Wasn't that enough? Why did you have to hurt him to make him notice you?! He lives for you!" A nurse went by the outside of the room, and when she heard the shouts and screams, she continued on her way as if nothing was amiss. After two weeks of sheltering the volatile Second Child in the Medical Wing, every nurse and doctor had gotten used to the noise.

Inside the large room, Asuka was just about ready to rip Misato's head off. "He left me to die, okay?! Then he tried to kill me! Twice! I was scared, and all I've ever been good at is hurting him! I was fucking confused, and traumatized, and just fucking unstable! Then he comes along and starts taking care of me like nothing happened, and he started… started… g-god-damnit!" The redhead exclaimed, hissing when the sudden movement of smashing her fists against the mattress produced a strong bolt of pain in her midsection. Misato's gaze turned worried for a second, but seeing no immediate damage, she continued.

"What, Asuka? What else did he start doing?" she asked, concerned. The Sub-Commander could feel it, they were very close to hitting a vital nerve in analyzing Asuka's behavior. The younger woman exhaled slowly, trying to ease the pain on her stomach, and stared at Misato with a resigned and guilty expression.

"Going away, fading away," she whispered. "He started to fade, don't you remember?" She did, she absolutely did, and it scared her. When Shinji would fade away into his mind, when his eyes turned glassy, deranged, she felt scared. Misato remembered as well; she nodded and urged Asuka to continue.

"It kept getting harder to reach him, to make him react to me. I wanted… I wanted to show him the absolute worst parts of me, just so he'd wake up but… but also… to ensure myself he wouldn't leave." Misato gave another big sigh. There it was, a breakthrough at last. It had taken them three days, but Asuka was finally lowering her guard long enough to let Misato in.

"You wanted to make sure he wouldn't abandon you like everyone else, didn't you?" Asuka did not answer, but she scowled deeply and nodded nonetheless. Her guardian understood well, there were few things the Second Child hated more than looking weak in front of anyone but Shinji, and even with him she was guarded to a point. Believing she had made sufficient progress in the particular point of the redhead's fixation with being noticed by Shinji, Misato changed the subject.

"So," she asked. "Why do you think he let you beat him up?" At that, the older woman received a strange look from Asuka, something nearing bewilderment mixed slightly with anger. "He didn't let me, he just didn't stop me," said the redhead. Some of the anger faded, but something else took its place, something quite unseemly in the strong girl's stare. If Misato didn't know better, she would have thought it was fear. "What do you mean?" asked Misato.

"Have you seen Shinji angry?" Asuka asked her, almost urgently. "Like, really angry?" The Sub-Commander was shocked still by the question for a second, but then she remembered the Fourth, and the Twelfth, and the Fourteenth, and she understood. Misato nodded grimly to her young charge.

"Yes …" she whispered, taking Asuka's hand. "Yes I have…" The girl barely noticed, she stared dead ahead, her eyes slightly unfocused, her molars softly gnawing the inside of her left cheek, as if unwilling to admit something. After a few heartbeats she sighed, and her fingers flexed slightly against Misato's.

"He's…" Asuka started, biting her lower lip. "He's scary when… when he's really angry." At that moment, Asuka sounded every bit her age, and it broke Misato's heart in two. Of course Asuka knew, she'd seen into his mind, she had seen the pent up confusion, the fear, the hate and longing and the trauma. And she had seen the anger, all that anger, in someone like Shinji, someone she thought weak, and she had seen herself. Weak. Weak.

Misato stood, and as slowly as she could, as if approaching an injured wolf, she closed the gap between them and embraced Asuka, bringing the young girl into a tight hug, as tight as she could without upsetting her charge's injury. For once, Asuka didn't resist.

"I guess I… was scared of him, because he reminded of myself, partly at least." She sniffed, making Misato hug her tighter. "I needed to know I didn't need to fear him, I needed to own him, shame him, so he couldn't scare me anymore…" Something between a snort and a sob escaped Asuka's throat, making Misato's broken heart bleed out all the more. "But it was so stupid, I was so stupid…! He's always been stronger, better," she said bitterly, as if admitting her greatest shame. And maybe she is, thought Misato miserably. And she's telling it to this drunken failure, I guess it fits.

"Not always…" whispered Misato to her, but Asuka shook her head. Her left hand clutched the fabric of her bed with deadly force, turning her knuckles white. "He's always been stronger! Even with all my training, he could snap my neck in two if he really wanted to, I know it!" She sounded so angry, so utterly convinced, that it was impossible not to agree with her on that particular subject. There was something about Shinji, something bestial, primal inside him, and when it came out it was quite frightening.

Misato had no answer to that, so she simply stoked Asuka's hair and let her vent her anger and her shame without fear of mockery or retaliation. "He could've killed me all along, all this time, he could've stopped me, he's stronger, he could've raped me if he wanted!" Asuka balled her fists and hit her until her wound made her wince, but Misato didn't let go of her. After a few seconds, the redhead was hissing from pain and swallowing down sobs.

"But he didn't," she whispered to Asuka's hair when she quieted down.

"Why?!" the girl yelled into the fabric of Misato's jacket. "Why didn't he?! It's not like I did something to deserve any better! Why?!" Her tirade didn't last long, they rarely did these days, and by the end she wasn't crying, or hugging Misato back, but she allowed the older woman to keep holding her and stroke her hair.

Because he loves you, stupid, Misato thought, but bit her tongue. It wasn't for her to say it, anyhow. "I don't know," she said instead. "Maybe you should ask him."

Trying to lighten the mood after a few minutes of comforting silence, Misato gave Asuka some good news for once. "I'm getting some of your stuff brought in a few days," she whispered to the mass of red hair resting on her shoulder. "We'll change you guys to a more comfortable room, a bigger one. I even brought Pen-Pen!" She nudged the younger girl with her shoulder affectionately.

"No…you found him?!" Asuka exclaimed, surprised, momentarily forgetting the earlier, gruesome therapy session she'd just survived.

"Yup! Well, not really. He kind of…found me, I guess. It's a long story, look! What matters is that he's coming to live with us in our own little section of the Med Bay, all right?" Asuka snickered at her comment, shaking her head against Misato's jacket.

"You're gonna have to stay here for a while," she continued quietly, stroking Asuka's hair; now she understood why Shinji liked it so much, it was soft as silk to the touch. "It's still dangerous out there. I'll keep you guys safe; I'll tell you everything I know, but not now. Right now we have to stick together, but we'll have to be here until everything's over."

"What are you guys doing now?" Asuka asked, muffled by the fabric of her shirt. "You're planning something nasty?"

"Just for the people who dared to hurt my little family," she answered and kissed Asuka's temple. The memory of the information of project X flashed through her mind, and the gravity of the fate that awaited the members of SEELE weighed heavily on her conscience. But fuck it, they deserved it. "Just you wait and see, Asuka-chan. Soon the world will understand Katsuragi Misato is not to be fucked with."

NERV Medical Ward. Eleventh day of recovery.

The salad wasn't particularly large, nor any other of the foul-looking dished he had been handed out as lunch, but Shinji resigned himself for once to eat the gruel. Helpful for my metabolism, my ass, he thought sourly while limping to the large table where Rei was already sitting. God, everything hurts so much…

Physical therapy was a complete drag, but mandatory nowadays. He'd just come from a particularly gruesome session of stretching and breathing, stretching and breathing to the point where his arms and legs were quivering, his chest and stomach were exploding with unbearable pain, his healing ribs creating a cacophony of agony with every deep breath, and his diaphragm felt like it was on fire.

"I swear, yoga is a type of torture," he commented, sitting down facing his newly found sister. The concept still confused him to no end, he truly had no idea if he was speaking with the Rei he'd known since arriving to Tokyo 3, the Rei who had merged with Lilith and kicked some sense into him, or a completely different, new individual altogether. Still, he tried his best.

"The assigned training is essential if you wish to achieve a full recovery," commented the blue-haired pilot as she typed on a small laptop and took demure bites of her salad every now and then. "Your muscle mass was severely deteriorated, you are required to eat as much protein as possible, as well as the completion of your scheduled sessions, for you to achieve your ideal weight and height. Furthermore, to correct the… damage… to your diaphragm and lungs, you must continue to engage in challenging physical exercise."

Shinji made an annoyed face and turned his attention to his plate. Some things don't really change I guess, he mused, feeling the familiarity of Rei's articulate way of speaking. He dropped his gaze to the tray once again; before him lay a salad, if the green mass on the plate could be called such, a dark type of gruel supposed to be pig stew, a bar of tofu with what looked like instant soy sauce, dehydrated fruit and a small miso soup with a poorly cooked mass of noodles. One whiff of the soup was enough to make the young pilot realize his meal would be as tasteless as it looked.

"I really should've just gone and cooked," he remarked while sipping on the bland miso. If only he was not so sore and tired from his training schedule, he would at the very least have been able to make sure the noodles were properly boiled. "This is terribly cooked." The left side of Rei's lips twitched lightly at his argument.

"I've heard the cooking staff is quite annoyed with you," she commented, turning her crimson pupils to him momentarily. "As it would seem, they are not at all pleased with the Second's opinion on the Dining Area's cuisine, and do not appreciate your constant visits to further educate them in their craft."

Shinji pouted; the glare the head cook had thrown his way that morning had not gone unnoticed by the former Third Child. He shrugged, feeling more displeased with the food by the second. "It's not my fault they have no idea how to use a spice, or how to cook noodles, geez. These are jelly on one side and rock-raw on the other, how do you even do that? At least Misato leaves them all like jelly."

The comment earned him another smile from Rei, which in turn made him feel awkward and blush for no particular reason. If his relationship with Asuka was a puzzle, Rei's was like a labyrinth with endless doors. His conversations with her were mostly banal, regarding every-day things and social customs Rei found hard to decipher, which on itself was a broad topic; furthermore, banal subjects helped him beat around the bush with his nervousness most of the time.

"I have read some interesting articles regarding brother-sister dynamics. Apparently, in some cultures the older brother takes the role of father, provider and protector when a younger or older sister comes of an age of sexual maturity. What do you think, Shinji-kun?" Rei asked in her quiet tone, smiling placidly at him.

The statement almost made the boy choke on his stew; he turned to look over at her with a dumbfounded expression, struggling for words. "I… (cough)…I, um, I think I can't… afford…that…yet?" he tried desperately, searching for the right answer. Only afterwards did he notice Rei blinking at him with a serene smile, and it dawned on him.

"Wait, did you…did you just make a joke, Rei?" Her silent smile was his only answer, making Shinji smile widely at her. "Wow! That's gotta be a first!" He gave a few nervous barks of laughter until the sting on his side made him remember he was still not fully healed.

Such details were never unnoticed by Rei, yet she chose to let it slide for the time of being. Retribution would have to wait. "I was told attempts at humor are good ice breakers in a stressed environment." The last statement made the former Third Child blink at her.

"Stressed? What do you mean, Rei?" he asked, noticing how the girl redirected her attention to the computer.

"I've noticed you are rather on edge when in my presence. I apologize if my efforts to ease your tension were not fruitful." Shinji blinked again, surprised. Rei certainly knew how to read him like an open book, that or he was simply terrible at hiding his nervousness. He considered the latter.

"No, it's not that. It's just…" Shinji trailed off, not feeling particularly inclined to tell Rei why he was so edgy around her. The old sensation of fear and desire to withdraw snaked across his spine; once again he felt scared of causing a bad impression on someone by speaking his mind. Lately, however, he had been doing more and more things he was not normally comfortable with. Out with it. Don't run away, come on Shinji.

"It's just, I don't really know who you are, Rei. So it's… hard for me, I guess. I mean, are you the Rei I met when I got here, or are you the Rei from…from after the 16th or someone I've never met before? It's been eating at me for a while now… and I know it's not an excuse; I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful for…for everything, really but…um… I guess that's why I'm, you know, nervous…"

Said girl looked pensive for a moment, making Shinji feel even more uncomfortable. From what he could see on her face, she did not appear upset or angered by his question, merely thoughtful. The boy waited patiently for her answer as he forced himself to swallow the bland stew in an effort to not appear as nervous as he was. Something was eating away at the back of his mind, something terrible, and he was trying his best to throw it back to the dark pit of his subconscious where all the other nameless horrors lived.

"I see," said Rei, cutting of his spiraling fall into oblivion. It had been happening less with every passing month, but Shinji was still unable to fully stop the memories, the hallucinations and the horror which consumed him. "You are correct. I have neglected to tell you, perhaps because I do not know myself, who I am."

She stared at him with detached calmness, not the usual cold stare but a sort of caring gaze, filled with endless patience and warmth to him. So inviting. So terrifying.

"I possess the memories of both my…predecessors, and the feelings of the Ayanami Rei who sacrificed herself during the 16th's attack are alive within me," she admitted, feeling the burning sensation of her flushed cheeks. She had never admitted her feeling for him, after all. "But… I am not her, nor am I…the Rei who merged with Lilith. If I were to put it into words I'd… simply say I am….Rei, your sister."

She smiled awkwardly at him, clearly uncomfortable herself with her declaration. Shinji would have blushed as well, had it not been for the force of the flashback that shook his entire being when Rei tentatively reached for his hand. The moment her fingers made contact with his skin, Shinji was sent back to the Entry Plug, right after he had seen the remains of Unit 2 being devoured all around him. There they were, the white monsters, staring at him without any eyes, covered in bluish blood and smiling. One blink and he was back at the dining room with Rei, her face growing increasingly concerned, while his grew pale. Another blink and he saw the monsters' maws open and reveal Rei's face. Butchered, half her brains spilled, one eye dangling, they all stared at him with cold, deranged smiles. As Rei stood to run to his side, he saw Lilith rise from the clouds and glance at him with cold, mad crimson eyes.

The sheer clarity of the flashback made Shinji stumble and fall from his seat, disoriented as he was. They were all grinning at him, grinning with bloodied teeth and Asuka's blood and spikes stuck o their brains. Rei was beside him in a second, trying vainly to calm him down; so far was he gone that the boy barely noticed her presence at all. He was immersed in the endless void of his mind, where the laughter of the monster that tormented him rang clear.

With fear gripping at his sanity and horrid images bleeding into his eyes, it took the pain on his side to bring Shinji back to a semblance of reality. He blinked, eyes heavy, and upon recognizing Rei's face so close to his own, reclined backwards in pure shock. Yet another flashback pushed him against the rough material of the stool behind him Amidst the confusing, and potentially sanity-consuming memories, the pain on his side was the only reminder he was not in the Entry Plug, about to turn humanity into yellowish mush.

Get a hold of youself, Asuka's voice sprung out of nowhere. Wake up, idiot. You're useless like this. Wake up. Wake up, Shinji. In between blinks, he managed to discern Rei's face fall into something akin to despair. Wake up. Wake up, Shinji!

SLAP.

Rei's saddened expression quickly melted into surprise at the sound. Had Shinji, had he just slapped himself in the face? She stared wide-eyed at him, unsure of exactly how to assist him. She had been told of the strange episodes in which his eyes would get glassy and far away, but had not seen one with her own eyes since returning from Instrumentality. What was worse, she felt responsible for his pain, for he had been watching her when his eyes had turned cold and detached. Then, all of the sudden, he had hit himself with enough force to make the slap ring across the nearly deserted dining area.

The boy was breathing hard, as if he had just run a mile, and the red mark on his face seemed to only widen with every second and every slow, measured breath he took. He gulped and cleared his throat, shaking his head a bit. "They… they had your face…" he uttered, staring at his sister with dreadful, widened orbs. "The EVA Series, they…after they… killed Asuka… They had your face…" Again, the mocking glares flashed across Shinji's mind, forcing him to grip the left side of his head in order to clear it. "They were using your face…" The recollection was hazy, formerly locked deep within his psyche, but something about the way Rei had been staring at him made the former Third Child relieve it.

Rei's hand hovered on the air for a moment, unsure whether to touch him or leave him be. It was, after all, her mere presence what had caused him to fall from his seat. Her hand twitched. I cannot do anything. Slowly, her fingers curled into a loose fist and dropped to her thigh. I cannot help him. How could I, if it my face that torments him so?

Resigned to her uselessness, Rei rose to leave and seek a nurse who could help Shinji without upsetting him further, but before she could the girl's arm was caught in a steel grip. The First Child suddenly felt her body being dragged over to Shinji's with remarkable force.

He hugged her before she could even realize what was happening; his right arm encircled her waist and made her stumble and fall almost heavily on his chest. Soon after, his left hand glided to the back of her head and pressed it hard against him. Rei lay sprawled against him; her head resting on his shoulder, her limbs paralyzed against his chest. His wound, she thought desperately, noticing her hand was pressed on his chest. She squirmed, trying to detach herself from Shinji, but he only dragged her closer to him.

"Um…" he whispered. His breath was warm against her ear, making the blue-haired girl blush. "I'm so sorry, Rei." He held her tighter, hands curling into fists on her shirt. "It was my fault. I made you carry all the weight, everything. I didn't save the world; you did, when you saved me. I never thanked you for that, not either time, and not the way I should have."

Suddenly, Rei remembered the moment when they were just about to merge together in Third Impact. She remembered his handshake, his honest words of gratitude, and realized this was the first time she'd ever been hugged. Tears stung her eyes once again, for reasons she could not hope to fathom. In contrast to her inner turmoil, Shinji's presence was warm and comforting, making her forget everything.

"I'm sorry." He said again, gripping her forcefully as he tried not to break down. "I'm so sorry, Rei. For everything I made you go through, for everything you had to sacrifice to help me. I'm sorry I was such a wimp. I'll do better now, I promise."

Her brother's words made Rei realize that among the dark emotions that circled her stomach, most prominent when in the Second's presence, there was a bit of resentment towards Shinji himself. He had, after all, always looked at the Second. But he always talked to me, she realized, unconsciously hugging him back. He was always there for me, speaking with me, telling me to smile. Maybe it was because she reminded him of his mother, but the fact remained that Shinji seemed more at ease with her than with Asuka.

"I…" she said, tears falling hotly down her cheeks. "I… forgive you, Shinji… Nii… Nii-san."

The NERV employees here and there were not bothered by the strange scene unfolding before them, already accustomed to hearing screams, cries and sappy speeches on a daily basis. Maya, who had been wolfing down her stew, simply smiled at both Children and felt a weight lessen on her heart when she watched Shinji pick himself up from the ground, a hot blush of embarrassment on his cheeks, and help Rei back to her feet. If anything, it would be a good piece of gossip.

Shinji scratched the back of his head, gazing at Rei apologetically. "Um… sorry about that," he said, sitting back down. "I…um…sorry." Rei dried her tears, smiling despite herself, and continued to type on her computer as if nothing had happened.

"You apologize too much." She noted, turning to give him a small smile. He chuckled at her comment; the familiarity of it made him smirk all the more when he noticed just how often he heard that particular line.

"I get that a lot."

They continued with their lunch as if nothing had happened, yet both felt the strained atmosphere between them disappear, giving birth to a new aura of mutual acceptance.

NERV Medical Ward. Fourteenth day of recovery. 2:03am.

Pain exploded from her forehead the moment the Lance managed to pierce her AT-Field. She could feel the material of the blade digging into her flesh, cutting her eye socket with what felt like a boiling metal fork as it sunk beyond her skull. Before she realized it, her EVA's battery ran out and all her Synch radios, all her bravado and teamwork with Mama became nothing but despair, pure and unbidden. Blood soon dribbled in front of her while she helplessly pulled on the control joints and clicked and clicked and clicked in utter terror.

The white vultures descended upon her and tore her belly open with their hands and teeth. The twelve thousand layers of armor accounted for nothing when the beasts' maws chewed on her flesh. God, why did it feel so painful? The battery was dead, why was she still feeling the pain as they devoured her, defiled her in every single way? Why was it so painful? Why now? It wasn't fair! Not any of it! Why was she being eaten?! Had she not suffered enough through her entire life, just to be ripped of her one truly happy moment?! She was top pilot at last, the fate of the world depended on her strength, and she was being eaten alive!

Rage.

It consumed every sense she still had, cut through the pain and the anguish. It was so exquisite, to fall into the pit of utter black oblivion where nothing existed but her desire to kill and tear apart everything that hurt her. Her mind was able to connect to a deeper part of her EVA, beyond Mama, right down to the core of the monstrosity she piloted.

"I'll… kill you…"

She would, she would murder them, murder anyone who made her hurt, even Misato, even Shinji. She would kill these white fuckers with her bare hands if she had to, but her rage would not be sated. Mama urged her to stand down, to fall back, but she would have none of it, she would win.

"I'll… kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you…!"

The Lance cut through her arm with astounding precision, dividing her limb into two pieces with no difficulty and in a single second to boot. It was almost beautiful; for a moment, before blood exploded on her face and the pain of being impaled with seven more Lances rendered her mindless, she saw the sky glowing through her opened arm. The firmament was gorgeous that day, it made her think of the many times she walked home with Shinji after school, those little moments where she was herself. She saw his face, and then the pain overwhelmed her.

This was the point where she usually woke up screaming and trashing her bedding, but her nightmare had been turning into something else these past few days. Slowly, in the darkness of the Entry Plug, a heartbeat rumbled. She felt the pain dissipate again under the unrestrained rage, and before she knew it the blood permeating the LCL became LCL. Her EVA reacted, impaled and dismembered as it was, and regenerated the damage with ease as her tormentors had done before. Mere seconds was all it needed to be fully operational. There was no battery now, just her and the endless possibilities of her EVA's power.

She leaped, no longer being able to differentiate between herself and the Evangelion, and bit down on one of the Eva Series' wings, taking them both to the ground. She made quick work of it, tore its limbs apart and smashed the core before the thing could even think of regenerating. She felt the blood soak her hands and liked it.

"More… Let me kill you some more…Give me more blood…"

Soon the other monsters landed upon her, Lances ready to strike, but she was too fast, too strong, too unstoppable. The power to smash the world into crumbles was at her reach; these ugly tormentors would no longer cause her anguish, for she was the best, the strongest, she was unique, an elite pilot. One after the other she dismembered them, loosing count on how many were left, loosing focus of what she was using to destroy them. She was eating them, devouring them and consuming their cores, tearing their necks open with her teeth and jabbing her fingers into their faces. They squirmed and cried out in pain, but she only reveled in their agony.

"More… I'll kill you… I'll kill you some more… kill you all!"

Guts and organs flew about when she opened the third's belly with a snarling bit; blood gushed from the fourth's bloodied stump when she broke its arm and removed it from its socket with no more effort than it would take to open a door.

Soon she was down to the last one, the poor beast already lay on the ground, half-beaten to death, missing both its wings and dragging its bloodied carcass on all fours. She kicked it, once, twice, thrice on the ribs, jabbing with the sole of her foot like she'd been taught and feeling as the ribs gave under her assault. One, two, three, four ribs broke and thrust in the EVA's lung. She straddled the helpless prey, salivating for the meal to come, and pressed her hand against its snout. The metal and flesh gave out and shredded under her palm with ease, it felt just like wrinkling up a sheet of paper. The power was making her dizzy, almost drunk with it. She ripped the EVA's face off with a roar, but there was no skeleton under it. No gore welcomed the triumphant Second Child, only mind-numbing horror. There was no bloodied brain, no flesh; it wasn't even the EVA's body anymore.

It was Shinji's face.

She blinked and realized she was in a dark room illuminated by what appeared to be lamps hanging from the darkness. The EVA Series' bodies weren't their bodies anymore. Misato lay torn in pieces, her innards spilled out and an arm torn off. Ritsuko, Rei, her father, the Commander, Hikari, Kaji, Mama, all of them butchered. All those who had ever hurt her in any way lay shredded to pieces before her, and underneath her, Shinji was dying, barely breathing from the brutal beating he had received.

She wanted to scream in fear and repulsion but before she could, the floor opened and Unit 02's hand grabbed her while its jaws opened and devoured the corpses of the people she had known. She watched in dread and helplessness as Shinji's limp form was crushed and swallowed. The Beast ogled at her with four deranged eyes and opened its jaws again. Terror overpowered her mind as the fangs came down on her flesh-

At last, the ability to scream and move returned to her, and the world came back into focus in a painful flash. Asuka screamed, trying to tear off whatever it was that was holding her arm, oblivious to the pain on her side. Pure adrenaline blocked out everything but the basic need to fight or flight.

"-uka, It's okay! You're okay, listen to me! Calm down, you'll tear your stitches open!"

Shinji's voice somehow severed her state of utter anxiety, making her realize her side really did hurt. Her nails were digging into the former Third Child's flesh with brutal force, but she could not yet relax her hold or any other part of her body. The nightmare was still vivid in her eyes, the images not yet dissipated from her consciousness.

"Deep breaths, deep breaths. Try to relax, it's wasn't real. You're here with me, you're alive, I'm alive, it was just another nightmare…"

This had been the new pattern they had fallen into; given both their nightmares were so life-like and horrible. The youths had their good nights, their bad nights, and their awful nights. Since the former pilots were not allowed to share a bed to stifle the screams and anchor themselves to the warmth of another human being, they settled for waking each other up by whatever means they could. Shinji's nightmares were particularly deep and painful, but lately she'd been experiencing a worsening in her own night terrors. As if relieving her worse battles and Shinji's torment by her hand weren't enough, now her mixed feelings towards piloting Unit 02 were leaking an extra component to her subconscious.

"Deep breaths, slow, deep, remember?" She did as instructed for once, and took lungful after slow lungful of air until she was able to feel her body again, to discern between the foot of her hospital bed and the pulsing of Shinji's heart caught in her hand. Asuka finally came to, and before she could help it a strangled sob escaped her throat.

The redhead did not cry, though. Shinji's hand was warm and comfortable on her back, but being closer to him would have helped her relax even more. It was still strange to her, to admit the Great Sohryu Asuka Langley needed someone, especially someone like him. Regardless, it did make her feel better to open up, even if she would never admit it, or thank the idiot for that matter.

Thinking about him made Asuka notice she still hadn't released Shinji's arm from her tight hold, her fingers were still digging deeply into his skin. It filled her with dread and disgust, forcing her to relieve that horrible moment of her nightmare, so she dropped his arm as if it burned. The idiot looked surprised, even puzzled, but the only thing she could think of was the reddened area around his wrists, where her nails had dug in the deepest and a dribble of blood was coming out.

"Crap," she whispered. "Wonder Girl is gonna bitch at me for that tomorrow …" The idiot blinked at her again, then smiled awkwardly and sat at the edge of her bed. Secretly, her heart beat just a bit faster when he was so close. It was nice to see him take the initiative for once.

"It's okay," he said with a lopsided smile. "It wasn't your fault. I was the one shaking you." He was so lucky; his stitches had already been removed once more, and his bones were mending quite nicely according to both the Bitch Doctor and the Bitch Nurse. He could get up and train, stretch his muscles and sweat and just feel alive. She, on the other hand, still had about two days to go before she could get up and stretch like a normal fucking person, and about an extra three days of being injected with the serum before she could even think of exercise.

Asuka sighed resignedly, lost in the feeling of Shinji's presence near her. Even the way he smelled was stuck in her brain now. Two months ago he wouldn't have had the courage to wake me up, she thought to herself, and now here he is, sitting on my bed and stroking my back. He was purposely putting himself in harm's way for her sake; this particular hedgehog had a keen love for pain it seemed, that or its skin had become impervious to her spikes. Whatever the case, Asuka could not be happier for it.

The silence between them had long since become comfortable. Shinji understood that when she needed to talk, or share something, she would, but not a moment before she was ready. He respected her space, didn't push except when was needed. He had somehow grown so much these past few days that it surprised her. Or perhaps it was her not raising her walls as highly anymore, not for him.

Shinji himself was a bit tired, he'd been dosing off into a deep dream the moment he heard Asuka begin to mutter. Before their strange rekindling a while before, the only time he had tried to help during her nightmares they had ended up having sex for the first time. It had not been particularly unpleasant, yet it had been far from an escape for him. After that, she would usually come to him, not the other way around. No running away, he mused to himself. No running away from her.

His muscles were still sore from his new "voluntary" training plan. Apparently, his body had been in such a deplorable state when Asuka had broken his ribs that the blunt trauma alone had collapsed his entire metabolism. He hadn't been taking proper care of himself, making his body weak and his bones more vulnerable. The sleepless nights and stress of her psychological abuse was just the cherry on top of the disaster ice-cream he had been. Now, however, he had a training schedule which included daily exercise at least once a day, hand-to-hand combat and self-defense (courtesy of Asuka, strangely enough) and yoga. Yoga, he had realized, was by far the worst of it. He had zero flexibility in his muscles, but according to his instructor it was the only way to ensure his diaphragm, lungs and abdomen healed properly. It was still torture, though.

"I saw my mother dangling from a rope when I was seven years old." The statement was uttered in such a flat tone that it shook Shinji out of his own internal musing like an earthquake. The meaning sunk in a second afterwards; Shinji's hand stopped its circling motion around Asuka's back and almost balled into a fist.

"She was always looking at that doll after the 'incident' with Unit 2. Always stuck in that hospital room, talking to it, looking at it. I hate dolls. And I fucking hate hospitals." The redhead too had fisted her hands, but her tone remained stoic, almost monotone. "The day she killed herself, I was told I was going to be a pilot."

Slowly, Shinji managed to relax his hand. He felt utterly useless somehow, as if Asuka, who was right there beside him, was miles away from him in a faraway land he could not hope to reach. He didn't know what to say, how to act or react to what she was saying, so he simply sat where he was, waiting for her to continue.

"I was so happy about it, too. I don't really remember her being there with me that much. She was always busy with Unit 2, and after she…" Asuka paused, sighing dejectedly. "after she went crazy she never saw me anymore, never held me. But I remembered, I remembered she was the best person in my world, the sweetest woman I can think of."

Asuka's last words sent a jolt down the young man's spine. He remembered having described his mother before with almost the exact same words. Even then, he could recall his mother's smile, so warm and filled with love. So deceitful. Still, he did not know how to comfort her, how to relate to her.

"But…" she said quietly. "If she was such a sweet woman, why did she only reach out to me at the very end? Why didn't she protect me, absorb me or something?" Silent, bitter tears betrayed the German pilot; they fell down her cheeks and dripped down her chin.

"It sounds kinda crazy, but I can't help but feel it was all…planned. I know the specifics now, what happened to her mind and her soul and body, but why did she kill herself on that day? Isn't it weird that she would traumatize me to only relate to EVA? Isn't it weird she just made me feel warm on the Entry Plug, but never revealed herself to me?" Her voice broke, finally betraying her. How humiliating, to be crying in front of Shinji of all people on almost a daily basis. She told herself this, yet felt no shame or revulsion whatsoever. His hand was still on her back, though, holding her steady. Back then, he was so used to her snapping and biting at him that he'd just left her alone.

" I guess… she left me to die on purpose…just so SEELE's little plan could come through… but… but in the end she… she saved me…I don't get it…" Suddenly she felt as if Shinji was absent, he stood almost petrified on his perch by her bedside, his arm paralyzed on her back. Maybe he was still a wimp, after all. Maybe you're just too stupid to see trusting people is useless, she thought bitterly. I'm better off on my own.

"Ugh," she grunted. "Why am I saying this to you anyways? It's not like you'll do anything."

Suddenly another memory slashed through Shinji's train of thought. It was something he'd seen in Asuka's mind, in her memory. "Why are you even here!? You won't do anything!" Somehow he managed to shake himself out of the sudden shock which had overtaken him. "You won't help me! You won't even hold me!"

Move, he ordered his body. Move, help her you idiot. "I don't even know why I bothe-" Before she could finish her sentence, she felt her body being pushed close to Shinji's, felt his arm drag her into a comfortable embrace without warning. He was careful to not upset her injured side, and yet he had managed to catch her off guard. Whatever she was saying died in her throat when he placed his chin on top of her hair. She breathed into his shirt and swallowed down a sob and an angry retort.

"I saw my mom die." Shinji said after a few heartbeats, almost too low for her to hear. "I saw it. I was there that day, when Unit 01 swallowed her up." He held her a bit tighter, not really controlling what came out of his mouth anymore. "Before Third Impact, all I could remember of her was her smile, not even her face. I was told she took me to NERV that day because she wanted me to see the future of mankind. Instead I saw when her image blurred and that thing ate her whole. I thought for so long she was the only person in the world who could understand me, or care for me. In the end she was worst than father, even manipulating him to get what she wanted."

Asuka shifted in his grip, slightly taken aback. "What did she want?" she asked.

"To show me a world filled with snow. Or to be god. Or to let me be god. Who knows? She was working with SEELE way before Father did; so she knew what they were planning all along, she was part of it. I thought she was planning against it at first; I tried to convince myself that she did it for me, to protect me. Maybe she believed Instrumentality was the only way and then changed her mind, or maybe she just wanted to protect me however she could, even if that meant being inside the EVA, I don't know…"

Asuka shifted under his embrace, slowly melting into him and letting her head rest on his chest. Her hand unconsciously went to his ribcage, where the bandages were located, while her other snaked around his waist and brought him closer. He still twitched when she touched him, especially around his scar, but it didn't bother her as much as it had before. One of these days he'd get used to it, too.

She felt him swallow the lump in his throat; the idiot probably had his brain in the gutter again, thinking perverted thoughts. It made little difference to her, though. Igniting those kind of emotions in him had long since stopped being disgusting; if anything, she reveled in the fact that he still found her attractive, even after all she'd put him through. Him talking about his mother so openly with her was also a sign that his walls were all but destroyed when she was concerned.

"I… I never really remembered what she told me the day before she disappeared, not until Instrumentality, but that day we went to the zoo…" He gave a big, defeated sigh and held her just a bit tighter. "It was really hot, I was sweating so much, even with her umbrella it was so hot, and she promised me that. She promised me I'd see a world with snow, a world with happiness. She told me to be happy."

Asuka's heart felt heavy on her chest. "Instrumentality was her way of giving that world to me, I guess. Maybe it doesn't really matter anymore, though. She's gone, forever, and being mad at a dead person can be so exhausting… I think it's better if I just keep remembering her like I do, like my mother."

Strangely enough, it was a sound advice, coming from him. "You know," she replied, slightly amazed. "I never realized you stopped being a wimp some time ago." His words lately, his actions, were particularly mature, making Asuka reconsider her own behavior half the time. If they were going to stick together, after all, she could not just sit and be given everything while not changing at all.

"Wha…" he started, surprised. That could honestly be the first sincere compliment she had given him, aside from telling him about his cooking. "What do you mean?" She shrugged as casually as she possibly could, given her current situation, and brought him a bit closer.

"It's just… back then you wouldn't have done this, or known what to say. I guess I can't call you a wimp anymore…" She felt a slight chuckle rumble on his chest and for an instant worried and then felt guilty for it all over again. Shinji, though, took no notice of it.

"I think you beat the wimp out of me, Asuka," he answered, amused. She pinched him on the side with her left hand for his smartassery, but didn't move from their comfortable position. Guilt weighted heavily on her mind, which in turn made the redhead feel ridiculous considering Shinji held no grudge against her whatsoever.

"You forgive people too easily," she whispered. "But it's still nice to see you're not a scrawny little boy anymore." Thank you, she thought to herself. The shame and guilt fell in comparison to being able to share such closeness with another human being. With him. Thanks for putting up with me.

"Um…thanks… I-umm…" Shinji muttered. He was blushing like mad, his face felt so hot he thought he'd have a nosebleed soon enough. It was taking all of his self-control not to overload on the fact that he not only had been able to share a deep trauma with Asuka and successfully address one of their darkest secrets, but he was closer to her than he'd been in days, and his hormones were acting up. "You… you're…." he swallowed, trying to keep his shaking under control. "You're really beautiful, you know…"

He felt Asuka's hand tense at his side, and for a wild moment thought she would revert back to their old arrangement and re-set the bones of his thoracic box with a few punches. Instead, her hand relaxed against him, but her body slackened somehow, as if a great deal of stress had just left her shoulders. "Smooth, idiot, real smooth," she replied sarcastically. "Like I'll believe that. Remember the scars?"

Clear frustration won over his nervousness in a second. At times like these Shinji truly felt like kicking himself. Insecurity from her, really? As if she hadn't just gotten a bit taller and fuller on these past few months, whereas he had been shrinking like a dried up prune. She was truly beautiful, with her long legs and creamy skin, soft as velvet to the touch, those angry blue eyes of hers, captivating and just so alive with emotion, soft, pink lips, and delicate but strong hands, Asuka was irresistible. Then there was the hair, that weird blend of auburn and red that shined almost golden under the summer sun, supple to the touch and always with a fruity scent. "Are you kidding me?" He said with an annoyed edge on his voice. "Nothing could make you stop being beautiful Asuka. Especially not those."

The blue-eyed boy flushed fiercely as soon as the words left his mouth. It was rare when he spoke without thinking, and when he did he truly sounded as idiotic as Asuka accused of being. Maybe she'll kick some more sense into me, he thought dispassionately. The redhead's arms, however, never left his body.

He really believes that, Asuka mused. He's a true idiot, liking someone like me. But I guess I'm a bit of an idiot myself. She would never openly request for someone to reaffirm her self-confidence, but with Shinji she didn't have to. He understood her, somehow, or at least tried to, even when he got hurt in the process.

"What are you, stupid?" she whispered, biting back another urge to cry. "Like you know anything about that." Her stubbornness never ceased to amaze Shinji, but he had long since gotten used to it. Nowadays, it entertained him of all things.

"I know what I like," he said a bit firmly, as firmly as his nerves allowed him to. "And I know you're, um… really beautiful." Asuka said nothing else, but remained close, breathing in deeply and letting the strain of her nightmare wash away.

They stayed like that for a while, shifting only to get more comfortable. Before any of them realized it, Shinji was lying on his back, having reclaimed half of her bed, and most her body was now pressed between him and the mattress. Her wound felt less painful with his body heat radiating to it, even the stitches didn't sting as much. Her right arm had somehow snaked its way under his shirt, her left lay on the mattress while his arm was loosely holding her underneath her hip. This was the closest they'd been in a long time, and the first time he held her just as tightly as she held him.

Usually, after they were intimate Asuka would hold him just like this, but never allowed him to touch her until she fell asleep. The one time he'd dared she had hospitalized him, and yet a month afterwards they were cuddling together, and he had saved her life in more ways than one. She would sometimes cry on his bare chest after he had nodded off, she remembered, out of the pure shame of having used Shinji in the lowest of ways imaginable. But now was completely different, and she had to admit, infinitely better.

She was almost dozing off, her hand lying comfortably on Shinji's chest, when she heard him gulp and shift about nervously. He seemed keen on removing at least the lower half of his body from her reach, but the redhead was having none of it. She crawled a bit closer to him, to the point where she was almost snaked around both his legs. Then she discovered the source of Shinji's discomfort. His erection bulged again her leg, making her blush deep crimson, which could only mean he was probably redder than her hair.

"So…um…" she started, feeling the familiar heat deep within her navel. "I guess you're having perverted thoughts, huh?" She tried to use her teasing tone, yet the redhead's voice betrayed her as it quivered in the end.

The former Third Child gulped yet again; his heart was hammering against his chest and for once he didn't even feel the pain around his ribcage. "Ah... well (gulp)… I, it's because… un, you know… you…" Say it, he commanded himself. What's the worst she could do, hit you? She did plenty of that already. The dark whisper of the monster in his mind almost made him forget where he was. But what if she hurts you some more? It spoke with his childish voice, a tiny shrill containing all his fear of being vulnerable. He frowned at himself and thought; say it, say it you wimp.

Asuka waited for his answer more out of embarrassment than patience. She was sure he could feel her nervousness, for her hand quivered lightly against his chest. He always did that, he thought of what he would say to each person, always tried not to say the wrong thing.

Shinji took a deep breath, holding onto Asuka and hoping she would not combust against him, and dove into the void. "I just find you really attractive, and being like this after so long, I…um, I guess it expands when you're this close."

Asuka tried hard not to laugh, but a few giggles did escape her lips. Boy, his choice of words was something else, truly. "Hey…!" he half-pouted, pinching her lightly on her lower back. "It's the truth, okay?" The boy huffed, trying to squirm away from her, but was stopped cold when she gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

"It's fine," she said while readjusting on his chest. "I guess it can't be helped. I don't…really mind it, Ba-ka." He relaxed a bit after that, yet the girl remained nervous and more than a little uncomfortable. In all honesty, she had scarcely bothered to make sure he got his pleasure during their sexual encounters, she`d cared only about herself, running away from pain with the bliss he provided. "I…" she said slowly. Her hand lowered bit by bit, beyond the rough material of his bandages, almost to his navel. "I could… you know… um…"Her fingers twitched against the light ridges of his abdomen. He was developing his muscle mass quite nicely since he had started attending physical therapy. The thought of it turned her cheeks even redder but she could not deny it; he made her have perverted thoughts too.

It felt like it was too soon though, too soon for that, and it made Asuka nervous. Shinji was still quiet against her, breathing shallowly, with his heart almost jumping out of his chest. Stop being a sissy, she reprimanded herself. Do it, tell him. Even if the idiot refused, she had to somehow let him know it was possible, that she didn't want the sick arrangement from before.

It's his, all of it, the voice said to her. The young pilot never listened to that particular area of her brain; she supposed due to it being her common sense. All of it, Asuka-chan. All of you. All of me.

"I…" it was Asuka's turn to gulp; she forced her trembling hand a bit lower. Why was she so damn nervous? What the hell was wrong with her? "I could, um, help…with that…if, if you want…" Almost her whole body twitched in fear. God, she was not ready, not yet. She kept thinking of that scene on the hospital before Third Impact for whatever reason, and the guilt made her even more afraid he would just reject her or act disgusted, ash she had so many times before.

But Shinji didn't do any of those things; he took a gentle hold of her hand and guided it back to his chest. She felt his whole body relax against her, felt his erection nudge against her belly. Goosebumps traveled all the way through the redhead's skin, making her feel light-headed. In all honesty, no amount of Synch-ratios would provide her half as much comfort as being where she was. No Unit 2 could possibly offer her this.

Shinji's hand squeezed her own through his shirt. "Thanks, I'd… like that. Maybe later on, though. Is that okay?" Is this okay? Shinji thought, almost reaching his ultimate level of inner nervousness. He forced himself to lower his heartbeat and attempt to not dwell on the feeling of her breasts resting against him, or the warm hand snuggled on his chest." Please don't take it the wrong way, I could feel you shaking, you know."

Even more surprising to Shinji was to feel her nod against him. "I don't want you to think it's like…before, um…before…" Asuka finished lamely, tugging lightly against the fabric of his shirt. Soon after, she felt his arm tighten around her waist. The idiot was always so careful with her wound, the same she had been when she jumped into bed with him that time of the horrible nightmare. She felt his lips come in contact with her hair as his hand threaded between her auburn locks.

"Trust me," he whispered back. "I know it's not." He breathed into her hair and sunk deeper in the embrace, no longer caring about nightmares, SEELE, Third Impact or anything that didn't smell like fresh strawberries and home.

Both soon started to nod off, not before Asuka chuckled one last time for that night. "He.. he… Ritsuko's not gonna like this…" She told Shinji, who had already begun to breathe deep and rhythmically.

"I don't care." He answered, drifting off. "I don't care one bit."

Misato and Ritsuko gazed at the security camera feed coming from the hospital room, one with a slight smile and the other with an uninterested frown. "I don't like this," she said tersely while typing on her laptop. Rei was indisposed at the moment, leaving her with almost twice the work to complete before her lunch.

"I specifically told them they were not to share bedding space for two more days." She elaborated; the faux blonde turned her attention back to the screen and ignored both her friend and the video feed.

Misato, for her part, could barely contain the grin that threatened to split her face in half. There they were, her two young charges, locked in the cutest cuddle she'd seen in too long. For once in eight months, perhaps more, she saw very little of the dark rings which generally formed around Asuka and Shinji's eyes. They looked content, almost like a normal teenage couple starting to fall into its rhythm. A part of Misato continued to feel unease at the concept of Asuka and Shinji entering a serious relationship, she wasn't about to go and ruin their happy morning for a fear which reduced almost daily nowadays.

"Whatever," said the Commander. "I'll arrange a king-sized bed for the brats." Misato's head finally snapped back to her, her surprised and widened eyes coming in contact with her bored ones. Oh, boy, Ritsuko thought. Here it comes. Misato's concern for Shinji's physical integrity when in the presence of the volatile Second Child made itself known.

"What?!" Purplish locks went flying everywhere with the velocity she snapped her head back to the doctor. And that's how you get a strained neck, mused Ritsuko. "Are you crazy?! What if they…! Ah, what if they-"

"Have sex? You didn't seem to care all this time; suddenly you have a problem with it?" The Commander cut her off in mid sentence, making the other woman flinch. "Given their physical condition, that would be close to impossible for the next week. After that, as long as they don't bang at your rhythm they should be fine." Misato's jaw slackened by simply hearing how casual the doctor sounded; she made it seem like it was nothing to worry about. "But-but, you know what happened before!" The Sub-commander's voice thundered in the office, making Ritsuko cringe.

"Yes. Sure, I know what happened. I can dissect it with big psychological words and pretend that I'm entitled to have a saying, let alone an opinion, about the relationship of two of the three most traumatized human beings on the planet. Asuka had terrible nightmares, the likes of which you and I can't even begin to understand, and used him for comfort, dominated him and demeaned him by projecting her inner turmoil onto him, as she'd done since they met, period. He let her do it, and escaped into the routine of forgetting everything but her abuse, period. It escalated, it turned sicker, as you would expect from kids like them, and now…"

The Commander's laptop beeped, making her lose focus and interest in her conversation. She typed away and left the Sub-commander with a growing vein pulsing on her forehead and the incognita gnawing at her mind.

After half a minute, Misato exploded. "What?!" She screamed, losing her patience. "Now what?!"

Ritsuko blinked. "Now what, what?" The vein pulsing in the Sub-commander's head seemed just about ready to burst, she noted idly. It took her brilliant brain a second to remember their conversation. "Oh. Yes. The brats."

"Well," she started, feeling Misato's glare on the side of her head. "Look at these." She handed the purple-haired woman a handful of neatly-organized documents. Boy, could Rei sort out things in an orderly manner. The girl was painstakingly meticulous as far as work went, which in turn eased Ritsuko's load of responsibilities.

The doctor turned Commander continued to type as Misato went through the pages as quickly as her eyes could read. "Those are Shinji's test results the day he was admitted to the hospital, the day he left and the last one is yesterday's physical." Ritsuko pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to discern between the many mathematical variables on her screen. She gave it a rest and occupied the remaining part of her brain in explaining the situation to her old friend.

"When Asuka broke his ribs he was severely dehydrated and fifteen pounds under his ideal weight; the stress had already started to affect his basic motor functions and most of his muscles were atrophied, which only worsened considering he was barely eating," Misato's eyes widened exponentially as she both read the data and listened to her friend. "Asuka didn't even have to use that much force to break his bones, he was already starting to develop a considerable calcium deficiency. His whole body was at the brink of collapsing, beating or no beating. Another month or so like that and his heart would've probably given out."

Misato gulped as she turned the pages and read on. These numbers, they were terrible! "Shinji's leukocyte count was on the ground, literally. The flu would've turned into pneumonia in a day or two, had he gotten sick. He was bottling up so much stress he ended up with an ulcer on his stomach some time ago, that's why he was vomiting blood, well that and the punctured lung. His body was technically eating itself, since he barely ate anything, another reason why his muscles were so reduced. To this day I still can't understand how he survived for eight months with the level of stress his mind and body. Now, since the…um…incident with Asuka, he's only three pounds away from his ideal weight, he's gained muscle mass, we got the calcium deficiency under control, and he should make a full recovery if he doesn't skip yoga every time he can. The serum is incredible, true, but the serum can't force him to eat, or train, or take better care of himself."

Numbers rarely lied, and the numbers on the following page only proved Ritsuko right. The boy's immune system was almost back to normal, his bones were mending with surprising speed, the lesion on his lung had all but closed with no infections or complications, the ulcer had dissapeared, his heart was at 100%, and his diaphragm was healing faster than they'd anticipated. Plus, his metabolism seemed keen on catching up with the months of starvation, which could only mean Shinji was not only eating; he was eating with an appetite for once.

"Asuka might've looked healthy, but her liver had been deteriorating long before the bullet even hit her, I'm assuming the inflammation was due to stress. Two knuckles of her right hand were fractured a long time ago, and did not heal correctly. Had it not been for Shinji, assuming he was the one who reset her bones, she wouldn't be able to move those fingers at all. She was severely paranoid; her teeth were starting to fissure from her clenching her jaw so much. Just to mention a few…"

"So what you're saying," interrupted the former Mayor. "Is that they're good for each other? I wish I could believe that, I really do Ritsu, but Asuka almost killed Shinji, with her bare hands, for touching her. She broke his fingers that time, too, I guarantee it."

"Dislocated," interjected the Commander. "She dislocated one of his fingers, she didn't break both."

"It doesn't matter! If they're so good for each other's health, how come this happened!?" Misato retorted, holding out the Children's health charts. "How come they've both been wasting away all this time?!"

"How should I know?" answered Ritsuko calmly, unaffected by Misato's anger. She stared at her friend and colleague square in the eye. "I'm not their guardian, I'm their doctor."

Misato's eyes widened again; her anger dissipated as soon as it'd come, leaving her once more with the heavy guilt of incompetence on her shoulders. She looked at the ground, at the screen, at anything that wasn't Ritsuko's cold stare, where the cold truth waited patiently. The woman was right, after all.

"So you're telling it's a good thing they're spooning now?" the purpled-haired woman snapped back at last. Once again, Ritsuko shrugged and refocused her attention on the laptop's screen.

"I don't think it's a good or bad thing. I don't really care either way, as long as they're not tearing open their wounds. Look, these kids are public figures, public targets. We put them through hell and left them to deal with our pile of shit. If they want to spoon, cuddle, kiss or fuck I think we owe it to them to let them be as happy as they can be. At the very least. They look pretty damn happy to me right now, don't they?"

The Commander didn't bother to look, but Misato did turn again to watch both teens snuggle comfortably in the rather small bed. "I suppose so." She had to admit it; both Asuka and Shinji's health were improving by simply solving the issues with each other. The evidence was right there for her to see.

"Then that's all that matters right now. Asuka and Shinji held it in, all of it, Third Impact and the war against the Angels, for this whole time, just trying to survive what happened to the world. What we did to the world. It's only logical the dam broke at some point, that's why they're crying and making up on a daily basis, Misato."

Ritsuko sighed once more when she remembered the disturbing information her contact had provided a few days back. The c