(I get a call for troubleshooting from a lady who says her remote doesn’t work.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, could you try changing the channel for me? Tell me if a light flashes on the remote.”

Lady: “Okay.”

(There are a few loud beeps from her phone in my ear and she comes back on the line.)

Lady: “Nope, no flashing.”

Me: “Ma’am you’re trying to change the channel with your phone, not the remote control.”

Lady: “I can’t find the clicker, and I know my neighbor changes channels with her phone.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not possible.”

Lady: “Don’t accuse me of lying! I saw her do it with my own eyes.”

Me: “…”

(I try for 10 minutes to explain to her why she can’t use her phone, and even make a futile attempt to troubleshoot her phone.)

Me: “Ok, well it looks like your satellite receiver isn’t compatible with your phone.”

Lady: “Yes it is. My neighbor and I have the same phone and same receiver. NOW HELP ME, DUMBA**!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a cordless phone?”

Lady: “Yes!”

Me: “Ok ma’am, let’s try reprogramming your phone. What I need you to do is press and hold the ‘off’ button for five seconds. This will clear the old code, so we can put the new one in.”

Lady: “Ok—” *click*

(I hear my supervisor a few rows away from me bust out laughing.)