Welcome, welcome to my personal ranking of every episode of the hit HBO series Game of Thrones. This list will be divided into three part – the bottom 20, the middle 20, and the top 20 – and all of it out of anticipation for the season 7 premiere airing July 16th and 9PM.

So, without further ado, let’s begin:

#60 – No One (Season 6, Episode 8)

Before this episode first came out, it really looked like the home stretch for an explosive (no pun intended) final three episodes. Will Lady Stoneheart actually make an appearance? Is Cleganebowl actually going to happen? How will Jon Snow possibly defeat Ramsay in the upcoming battle? And for fuck’s sake – what is going to happen with Arya? All these questions and more were in our minds as we went into the eighth episode of Season 6, which had quite a lot to live up to given last year’s episode 8 was the magnificent ‘Hardhome’.

But instead of the thrilling and exciting episode that ‘No One’ was anticipated to be, it turned out to be a much more quiet, subdued, and exposition-heavy episode. Which would be all fine and dandy, albeit slightly disappointing, had it not been for the clumsy and illogical conclusion to the Braavos storyline.

Arya’s decision to walk around in broad daylight when a FACELESS ASSASSIN is out looking for her was bad enough, but the fact that Arya was able to do parkour after getting stabbed in the stomach several times only added a heap of salt to the wound. Not only that, but the chase sequence felt like it was straight out of a medieval edition of James Bond. It was really out of place and poorly directed, and apparently could have been worse if not for Maisie Williams actually reigning in director Mark Mylod’s bombastic plans.

Despite my gripes with the Arya portion of this episode, there were some very good aspects of this episode. Although some might call it anti-climactic, the resolution to the short but sweet Riverrun plot was fantastic and gave Nikolaj Coster-Waldau another chance to shine as one of the show’s best supporting actors in his fantastic exchange with Edmure Tully, which was undoubtedly the highlight of the episode. The reappearance of Beric Dondarrion and the Brotherhood Without Banners was a lovely surprise, and the Hound’s trademark dry wit is always enjoyable. And the scene where Queen Cersei learns that Tommen has forbidden trial by combat is proof that Lena Heady has mastered the art of effective subtlety.

#59 – Breaker of Chains (Season 4, Episode 3)

When people talk about rape regarding Game of Thrones, the conversation is usually steered to the scene between Sansa Stark and Ramsay Bolton in the season 5 episode ‘Unbowed, Unbent, and Unbroken’. A shame, in my eyes, as the scene that deserves all the ire and scrutiny is the rape of Cersei Lannister at the hands of Jaime. This is the scene, of all the many controversial scenes in the series, that really, really, really irritates me. Why on earth did this need to be a rape scene? In the books, although it happens under much different circumstances, the sex between the two siblings is consensual. In the show, it is unquestionably rape – a decision that nearly destroys the redemption arc the show had been building up for Jaime Lannister for two seasons. From what I have heard, this scene was actually written as a consensual sex scene, but at the hands of director Alex Graves, it became something much darker. Yet that does not excuse the showrunners’ decision to allow the scene to remain in the episode, and the rape brings an otherwise good hour of television – one filled with table-setting, to be sure, but also some great character moments – down several valuable pegs.

#58 – The Red Woman (Season 6, Episode 1)

Most of the episodes in this portion of the list are placed here due to the sole fact that they are, for the most part, exposition heavy episodes, more concerned with setting the stage for future episodes than anything else. The Red Woman is, without a doubt, one of those episodes. Although the tense first ten minutes at Castle Black are exciting to watch (the beautiful and sweeping opening shot deserves a mention), that aforementioned tension fades away as we check in with multiple storylines from the last season as they set the table for the episodes to come.

And there are some great moments here – Brienne saving Sansa and Theon from the Boltons and Cersei’s grief-stricken conversation with Jaime after he returns with Myrcella’s body are clear standouts. But like most of these lower-tier episodes, those moments are overshadowed by less well-written or well thought out scenes. The killing of House Martell at the hands of Ellaria and her Sand Snakes is frustrating to watch, especially when you step back and think how much better it would have been if the Sand Snakes were killed in their stead. And despite the show’s efforts to use the Melisandre reveal at the end of the episode as an inventive way to illustrate her self-reflection and crisis of faith, it kind of comes off as a pointless attempt to garner shock value for an otherwise shockless episode.

#57 – The Bear And The Maiden Fair (Season 3, Episode 7)

For a show as complex and sprawling as Game Of Thrones, the structuring and the editing of episodes is of great importance. The more focused an episode is, the more easy it is to follow, even if there are 5+ storylines playing out at once. But when an episode becomes loose in structure and goes all over the place, the show becomes far less interesting and more of a wear on the brain than an actual enjoyment. This is the main problem with The Bear And The Maiden Fair – an episode goes all over the place in its attempts to explore 9 different storylines in just 57 minutes.

But what’s even stranger about this episode is that nothing much happens in a lot of these storylines. Jon and Ygritte continue to banter their way south, Robb and Talisa continue to flirt their way to the Twins, and Osha fills Bran in on her emotional, if a tad inconsequential, backstory. And one storyline that does contain some bit of development comes off as unnecessarily brutal – Theon’s time with Ramsay Snow. Wouldn’t it be so much more shocking and interesting to have Theon completely out of the picture in Season 3, and then reveal his beaten and tortured condition in the early episodes of Season 4? Not only would it provide a kick to those episodes (those episodes aren’t devoid of ‘kicks’, but still), but it would also prevent us from watching six episodes of ‘The Passion of the Greyjoy’.

Like all Game of Thrones episodes, however, there are more than a few bright-spots within the hour. Tywin Lannister’s scene with Joffrey in the Throne Room is magnificent, the Hound’s capturing of Arya offers a promising new direction for both characters, and Jaime’s completing of his redemption arc when he rescues Brienne from the bear pit in Harrenhal is both thrilling and satisfying. All in all, a mixed bag of an episode.

#56 – Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken (Season 5, Episode 6)

You’d be hard-pressed to find a list ranking every Game of Thrones episode that didn’t have Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken in the very last slot, but here I am insisting that it is only the fifth-worst episode of the series. And there is currently a five-hundred foot tall elephant in the room, so it’s best that we acknowledge it first: the rape of Sansa Stark. An unprecedented amount of controversy arose after this episode aired. It received a 58% on Rotten Tomatoes, the only episode in the series to receive a rotten rating thus far. A Missouri senator publicly condemned the episode. Dozens of people vowed to stop watching the show. You get the picture.

And yet… all this outcry is extremely unwarranted. Yes, of course the rape scene was awful, but not in the sense that it was gratuitous or unnecessary. The even had a tremendous impact on the characters of both Sansa Stark and Theon Greyjoy, and set in motion a chain of events that directly led to the Battle of the Bastards and the death of Ramsay himself. It’s a shame that the scene is remembered only for the controversy around it as the magnificent performances from Sophie Turner and Alfie Allen remain overshadowed and ignored to this day.

More fantastic aspects of this episode are also overshadowed by the rape scene, such as the haunting reveal of the Hall of Faces in Braavos, some great back-and-forth about Daenerys between Jorah and Tyrion, and a multitude of amazing dialogue scenes in King’s Landing. Whether it be Cersei and Olenna or Cersei and Littlefinger, King’s Landing and the fascinating political minutiae of the capital was the highlight of the episode.

But do you know what wasn’t the highlight of the episode? Dorne. Of course it was Dorne. Dorne always blows.

#55 – Mhysa (Season 3, Episode 10)

In the early days of Game of Thrones, finales were more often than not episodes that picked up the pieces of the preceding episode 9’s and set the board up for the next season. It was a necessary tactic for the show to use, but it almost always resulted in the slightest sense of disappointment. Mhysa was given the tasking of baring the unfortunate burden of following up the Red Wedding while also setting up the next season, and the episode is unsurprisingly a step down from the glorious ‘Rains of Castamere’ and is remembered as something as a disappointment. The scatter-shot pacing of the episode does not help its cause by any stretch of the imagination, but amidst all the slow conversation and meticulous table-setting, there are some good moments buried in the mix, from the expertly written and acted small council scene near the beginning of the episode (“The King is tired. Send him to his chambers.”), to the surprisingly uplifting ending featuring Daenerys being hoisted up in the air by the newly-liberated slaves of Yunkai and being hailed as their ‘Mhysa’.

#54 – The Night Lands (Season 2, Episode 2)

Another early-season episode of exposition and introduction – and since this is in the earlier seasons, plenty of unnecessary nudity. What’s peculiar about this episode is that on appearances the pacing is fine. It’s relatively organized and has a good flow, but it never really feels like it’s all building to something. The episode feels like the first 40 minutes of an episode, with the big moment at the end missing. And although The Night Lands might be more enjoyable than the premiere in some scenes (it’s certainly more comedic), its continuation of the table-setting and piece-moving makes the show appear as if it is spinning its wheels a bit.

That being said, this episode does supply us with some of the best scenes in the second season: the amusing banishment of Ser Janos Slynt via witty dialogue from Tyrion Lannister and the chilling story about ‘bad investments’ Littlefinger delivers to Ros in his brothel.

#53 – The Ghost Of Harrenhal (Season 2, Episode 5)

Not much happens in this episode, and that’s its greatest flaw.

The episode does admittedly start off with a bang by having Renly Baratheon get axed by Melisandre’s smoke-monster baby, but from the following scene onwards… it’s mostly just set-up. And the episode also expands upon the worst part of the second season: the weird and tacky Qarth plot. However, the one clear standout amidst the slow exposition and random check-ins are the scenes between Tywin Lannister and Arya Stark, which remains one of the smartest departures the show has made from the books.

Also, I could watch an entire episode of Tyrion bullying Lancel. Just saying.

#52 – Valar Dohaeries (Season 3, Episode 1)

The season three premiere is another one of those episodes whose main goal is to just setup the rest of the season’s plotlines, and as a result, there’s isn’t much to talk about here. It isn’t a particularly memorable episode and didn’t have too many memorable scenes, but it answered some dangling questions from season 2 (What ever happened to Davos Seaworth?), introduced some great additions to the cast, and reintroduced one of the baddest motherfuckers in all of Westeros: Barristan Selmy.

#51 – The Prince Of Winterfell (Season 2, Episode 8)

This is the third episode from Season 2 to be mentioned thus far, but this one is definitely a step up from the previously mentioned Ghost of Harrenhal and Night Lands. This is in large part due to the emotional core that is found in some of the episode’s most important scenes. Sure, we get the show’s trademark scenes of strategy and plot progression, but we also get a number of moments where the plot just slows down and lets the characters simply interact and emote in fascinating ways. Bran’s guilt when he hears about the fate of the farm boys, Theon’s feelings of misunderstood loneliness, and Tyrion’s repressed sense of rage when Cersei threatens the life of a prostitute she believes to be Shae – all of these emotions feel so real and make the characters even more human than they already were.

But of all these interactions, none can beat the beautiful exchange between Robb Stark and Talisa Maegyr. The chemistry between the actors is off the charts – at times it’s even stronger than that of Kit Harrington and Rose Leslie – and the love between the two characters just feels so believable. Oona Chaplin just draws you in when she delivers Talisa’s expertly written monologue about why she left Volantis, and it builds up to her first sexual encounter with Robb so perfectly and so organically. It may have been the biggest mistake ever made by House Stark, but can you really blame Robb for doing what he did?

#50 – The North Remembers (Season 2, Episode 1)

Game Of Thrones is a show obsessed with topping itself and unfortunately, that desire appeared to have spread to one of the most repugnant characters on television: Joffrey Baratheon. How big of an asshole can this guy be? In less than an hour, he nearly drowns a man with wine, calls his grandfather of superior intelligence an idiot, and orders the massacre of dozens of innocent King’s Landing citizens who just so happen to be bastards of the late King Robert – two babies included! But in all seriousness, those final moments are gripping, masterfully-edited, and underscored by a much darker version of King Robert’s theme from season 1. It’s truly a thrilling sequence that elevates the episode well above the other piece-moving episodes of the series.

And the introduction of Stannis Baratheon and the original Dragonstone crew cannot be overlooked. Within mere minutes of their introduction on screen, they are already intriguing additions to the ever-expanding ensemble and remain some of the most memorable characters in a show filled with them.

#49 – Oathkeeper (Season 4, Episode 4)

Oathkeeper is the mid-section of a string of Season 4 episodes that exist, more or less, to set the stage for the amazing final five episodes of the season. There’s no epic battles or cathartic character moments, just some smart story maneuvering and a handful of small but entertaining character interactions – and the groundbreaking introduction of the Night King.

One glaring flaw does play through this episode, however, and it’s one that is carried over from the previous installment, Breaker of Chains: the complete lack of discussion regarding the rape of Cersei Lannister. I suppose this is just evidence that that scene was nothing more than an example of supremely poor directing, but it would have been nice for brother and sister to discuss that traumatic experience. And unfortunately, that whole affair does cast a bit of a pall over the heart-warming dynamic between Jaime and Brienne – a pairing that I ship with all of my heart.

#48 – Oathbreaker (Season 6, Episode 3)

It would appear that this similarly named Oathbreaker episode is of the same quality as its predecessor, even if it is a slightly better hour of television. There is not a soul that can dispute the fact that the Tower of Joy flashbacks are the highlight of the episode, edging out even the aftermath of Jon’s resurrection and his revenge on the mutineers. For some, it’s been a twenty year wait to see the legendary duel between Eddard Stark and Arthur Dayne play out, and the fight sequence did not disappoint. After a somewhat lackluster season 5, the choreography crew came back with a vengeance and delivered some of the best swordsmanship to ever grace the show. And plus, we are gifted with the awesomely ridiculous Northern accent of Eddard Stark once more: “nowy tends.”

Elsewhere in the episode, nearly every other storyline is checked in on, some stronger than others. Despite the death of Shaggydog, the return of Rickon and Osha after so many years of waiting is immensely satisfying, Varys playing the game of thrones in Meereen is more entertaining than anything Tyrion did the entire season, and the montage of Arya’s training is one of the best pieces of editing the show has put together thus far. And while the dialogue in some scenes can feel stilted and not as sharp as it once was, Oathbreaker remains one of the less weak weaker episodes… if you catch my drift.

#47 – Lord Snow (Season 1, Episode 3)

Lord Snow should be given all the honors possible for managing to introduce two new locales to the show and string of significant characters (Varys, Littlefinger, Pycelle, Renly, Jeor, Lancel, Barristan), and not collapse under the weight of this important information. There are some instances of shoddy pacing and a general sense of unfocusedness, but the episode moves past those flaws by intriguing the audience with new, mysterious characters and ratcheting up the political intrigue of the series through several fascinating exchanges. And as with any other episode of Game Of Thrones, there is a wealth of small moments that build upon one another to create something masterful – from Robert’s reminiscing of the wars of the past to Arya’s sword training with Syrio Forel, Lord Snow marked the point where the show grabbed the attention of every viewer watching and never let go.

#46 – Dark Wings, Dark Words (Season 3, Episode 2)

Also known as the episode that introduced a character somehow more unlikeable than Joffrey Baratheon: Ramsay Bolton. Although he wasn’t nearly as hateable in this season as he would be later on in the series… he was pretty fucked up, and his grueling mind games he put Theon through are one of the reasons why Theon’s season 3 storyline isn’t regarded very well. Still, putting aside the beginning of Theon’s torture and the sometimes meandering flow of the episode (pacing is usually the biggest problem in these lower-tier Game of Thrones episodes, as you can tell), Dark Wings, Dark Words is filled to the brim with both amusing and heart-breaking character interactions. Thoros of Myr introduces the Brotherhood Without Banners to the viewers with his immensely likeable persona and witty sense of humor, Brienne and Jaime bicker their way into the hands of the Boltons, and Michelle Fairley gives an exceptional performance in the emotional scene where she describes her guilt regarding her treatment of Jon Snow. I cannot express how much I love that scene or how much I love Michelle Fairley as an actress.

And of course, the episode also gifted us Game of Thrones fans with a character that shall be cherished forever: Olenna Tyrell, the Queen of Thorns. The cheese will be served when she wants it to be served, and she wants it served now.

#45 – The House of Black and White (Season 5, Episode 2)

What makes The House of Black and White one of the more interesting early-season episodes is how the writers thrust some of its chiefest characters into making very difficult decisions. Will Sansa accept Brienne’s services? Will Jon accept Stannis’ offer to become a Stark? How will Daenerys deal with the sticky situation she finds herself in? While all of these problems are minor, watching the characters confront them and deal with the ensuing consequences is gripping and satisfying. The chase sequence between Brienne and Podrick and the Knights of the Vale is a fun, if inconsequential, scene that propels a bit of momentum into the episode – a momentum that is followed up on in the final minutes of the episode when Daenerys’ decision to execute a former slave makes for some thrilling drama.

Admittedly, two of the show’s weakest storylines are introduced this season. However, Arya’s arrival in Braavos and subsequent reunion with Jaqen H’ghar is a promising start for the Braavosi storyline – even if it loses its way further down the line. And the scene in Dorne between Ellaria and newly-introduced Doran Martell is far too brief for one to even formulate an opinion on. Too bad that the other stays in Dorne weren’t so brief.

#44 – The Wars To Come (Season 5, Episode 1)

One of the better season premieres, The Wars To Come may be among the show’s infamous setup episodes, but it is anchored by some fantastic one-on-ones in nearly every featured plotline and a strong sense of momentum. Whether it be Varys convincing Tyrion to form an alliance with Daenerys Targaryen (and by extension making every fan watching cream their pants) or the magnificent exchange of opinions and ideologies between Jon and Mance Rayder, this episode is proof that it is the characters and the dialogue that holds this sprawling masterpiece together. Elsewhere, in King’s Landing, Cersei is treated with an opening flashback and much more screentime, thus beginning her role as one of the show’s leading and most compelling characters.

#43 – The Pointy End (Season 1, Episode 8)

To my understanding, this episode would be much higher on multiple people’s lists. There are quite a few episodes like this on my list, and this won’t be the most controversial, but it is still controversial nonetheless. Sure, there are some badass moments littered throughout the episode: Drogo’s brutal annihilation of one of his bloodriders, Syrio Forel’s last stand, and Jon’s first encounter with the undead. These are all memorable and outstanding scenes, to be sure, but they are only three against the dozens of scenes which are more focused on delivering some well-needed setting up of the War of the Five Kings. Whatever excitement the episode garnered in its first third fizzles off due to all the exposition. Yet while it might sound otherwise, the wonky pacing isn’t too detrimental to the episode. It’s certainly not the worst paced episode of the series. But in my opinion, The Pointy End, isn’t nearly as good an episode as people seem to remember.

#42 – A Man Without Honor (Season 2, Episode 7)

Although not one of the most eventful episodes, A Man Without Honor is certainly one of the better written ones. Everything in relation to Jaime Lannister is the crown-jewel of the episode. Not only is his conversation with his cousin, Alton, and his subsequent slaughter of said cousin one the most rich dialogue scenes to ever be written for the show, but Jaime’s ensuing talk with Catelyn is equally enjoyable. Elsewhere, Arya and Tywin continue to steal the show with their fantastic encounters in Harrenhal and Cersei is given one of the first opportunities to reveal the turmoil underneath her cold and calculating façade. Lena Headey is truly Game of Thrones’ gift that keeps on giving.

Unfortunately, Qarth continues to be strange and uninteresting. But not every song can be a hit.

#41 – Garden Of Bones (Season 2, Episode 4)

“Born amidst salt and smoke. Is he a ham?”

That line alone is reason enough for me to jump this episode up to the top 20 and be done with it, but the required objectivity that comes with making a list like this prevents me from doing so.

Still, Garden of Bones was a great episode for the show. Robb sowed the seeds of his own doom by meeting Talisa Stark, Littlefinger crept around the Baratheon tent and got in some great exchanges with three principle characters, and Arya witnessed an image she will probably never be fortunate to forget: rat torture. But by far the most memorable moment of the episode comes at the end when Davos takes Melisandre into the caves beneath Renly Baratheon’s tent and watches her give birth to her smoke-monster baby. It is one of the weirdest scenes put to television, but it makes it all the more memorable.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

And that’s it for today, folks! Be sure to check in several days by now for part 2 of 3 of my ranking.