Yes, yes. Andrea Pirlo. I am truly sorry that I forgot about the Italy midfielder. He's a genius and he's genuinely quite old for a top footballer but he's still going strong – no doubt in large part thanks to his superb facial hair, which is of a tarry Mediterranean lustre that simply disallows the whole concept of going grey and slowing down. It's like bitumen. I'd like to think Pirlo gives something of an idea about what Trevor Hockey would look like if subject to a modern fitness regime. I may also be the first person ever to compare the two.

Photograph: Michael Regan/Getty Images South America