The Italian magazine Chi published photos of Kate Middleton sunbathing in a bikini with her baby bump on holiday with Wills in the Caribbean. The Royal Family's not psyched. [TIME]

Kris Humphries' lawyer intends to "blow the lid off reality television" by proving that it's scripted. IF YOU PULL THE THREAD, THE WHOLE SWEATER UNRAVELS. No but actually we all knew that. [TMZ]

Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan's lawyer admits that her client is a freckled, two-legged wreck of a human being. [TMZ]

And Charlie Sheen offered to pay for half of LiLo's amFAR gown because that's normal. [Us Weekly]

Actually, says Adele, she and Chris Brown were complimenting each other in that contentious-looking Grammys shot. [MTV News]

Jersey Shore's Deena wants you to know that a photo circulating of a lookalike flashing her boobs at Mardi Gras is NOT her. Because Jersey Shore's Deena is a demure, turtleneck-wearing JoAnn's Fabrics employee who has never done anything embarrassing in public. [TMZ]

Matt Damon, viral video fodder, made a water conservation awareness video for water.org in which he says he won't go to the bathroom until circumstances improve. [NYDN]

Kristin Davis is getting an ancient Chinese anti-aging treatment called Gua Sha. ("Meanwhile, Charlotte had a different instrument in her face.") [National Enquirer]

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are adding a "nanny wing" to their house for one lucky lady. (With that and the future tell-all material, throw in a 401K and I'm there.) [TVNZ.co.nz]

Kim got a "retro makeover" from Lady Gaga's stylist for the March Elle. [Us Weekly]

And here she is showing her apartment-sized closet to Brittny Gastineau. She has a pair of $90,000 sneakers. It's called being RELATABLE, you guys. [Us Weekly]

Drew Barrymore is having her tattoos removed on behalf of husband Will Kopelman's Jewish faith. [Radar Online]

Justin Bieber Tweeted that Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney needed to be "slapped around" after Carney said something admittedly obnoxious about the Beebs' lack of Grammy nods. ("Don't fuck with the Bieber," John Turturro-as-Jesus needs to say here.) [Daily Beast]

Harry Styles did this because writer Alain de Botton told Metro that he wished the tofu nuggets of One Direction would use their power to educate the youth on Greek philosophers. [Twitter]

Jamie-Lynn Sigler is having a baby with new fiancee Cutter Dykstra. [Us Weekly]

Kristen Stewart is gonna fly to Australia to try to save her flagging relationship with Robert Pattinson. [Radar Online]

Heeeere is Britney Spears in costume and Photoshop for her upcoming video for "Scream & Shout (Remix)." If it's half as crazy as "I Wanna Go," the world will break. [Us Weekly]

Fuck Kris Jenner, says Phylicia Rashad. Getting served by Claire Huxtable is its own special reward for being an asshat. [Radar Online]

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis got all up on each other at a Lakers game. [Daily Mail]

Keira Knightley's new Coco Chanel commercial has been deemed too sexual for kids. [The Sun]

LOLZ: "Rita Ora Attacked By Crabs on Video Shoot." [Contact Music]

This is the best. Paul Rudd, Bobby Cannavale, Peter Dinklage and Joe Lo Truglio have their own karaoke club. ("Sometimes Bobby and I have gone in the middle of the day, by ourselves.") [Chatham Daily News]

Wait no THIS is the best. Viola Davis:

"I was the loneliest woman in the world, and someone said, ‘You should just pray for a husband." So she did. "I said I wanted a big black man from the South who looked like a football player, who already had children, who maybe had been married before... 3 1/2 weeks later I met my husband."

[Page Six]

Taylor Swift ran around Malibu with a bunch of twentysomething women and "let it all hang out" for her "22" shoot. [NYDN]