I was adopted at birth. Being adopted myself, I can tell you it’s not all peaches and cream. To me adoption is the worst thing in the world. I wish I felt differently, but I don’t. I’ve grown up with the pain of being adopted. It is only something an adoptee can understand. No matter how many times I’m told that my birth mother & birth father placed me for adoption because they loved me and they wanted me have a better life, the pain is still there. The pain of feeling like I wasn’t good enough to keep. The pain of being seen as a gift or the chosen one. The pain of being used in prolife movements or being forced to parrot how grateful I am that my birth mother chose life for me. The pain of knowing that my birth mother carried me for 36 weeks labored, gave birth to me, held me, kissed me but still gave me away. The pain of knowing that being college students, attending frat parties, and graduating with pieces of paper were more important to my birth parents than keeping me. My adoption was open until the age of five. I didn’t know the woman I saw once a year and a few times for holidays and my birthday was my birth mom. She would sometimes cry when she saw me, but I didn’t think much of it. She was just the woman I saw a few times a year who brought gifts. My adoption closed because my birth mom kept referring to me as “hers” and “my daughter”. She kept telling me she missed me and loved me. My parents thought I would be confused and it would hurt me. They didn’t want me calling my birth mom mom or my birth mom referring to me as hers. They wanted me to know that my birth mom was my birth mom and my adoptive parents were my parents. So after the age of five, I never saw the woman that brought me gifts and saw me a few times a year ever again. It didn’t affect me until now. I’m angry my parents did this to me. I only saw my birth mom a few times year and didn’t even get the chance to know her. I didn’t grow up with her. They agreed to an open adoption if it wasn’t harmful or confusing for me.Having my adoption closed hurts. That’s harmful. It’s like my parents didn’t want to share me. They only wanted me to themselves. They didn’t want my birth mom to claim me as hers. They only wanted me to know one set of parents. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents. I do have a good life. I have a loving home. But my parents caused me pain. My parents will never replaced the hole in my heart. My parents will never understand what it’s like to be adopted or the feeling like you don’t belong.My parents as much as I love them will never replace my birth parents. No matter how hard they try. My mother can’t tell me the story of carrying me or giving birth to me. My father can’t tell me I have his eyes or lips They often like to say “genetics or blood doesn’t matter” and no, genetics and blood are hardly the end-all-and-be-all but it does matter. My DNA matters to me. I hate reading memes that cater to adoptive parents. When a mother gives birth, what do you hear? You hear about how the baby has her eyes, or the father’s mouth, or maybe this baby talks/walks like her siblings. Maybe this baby has Granddaddy’s eyes or a sense of humor like her Grandmother’s. Yes my DNA matters. I as an adoptee need more than love. I need my biology. I need to know how I got here and where I came from. You saying DNA doesn’t matter is offensive and it’s hurtful. I’m constantly being told by my parents “God led us to you"or "God picked you for us, you are special”. Picked out? Like choosing a cake from a bakery display case? Like shopping for a car, picking out a pair of shoes, or picking out items from a menu. Apparently biological children are stuck with whatever parents they get but adopted kids are chosen. The only reason why my parents adopted me was due to infertility. They couldn’t have children of their own. They tried for years to get pregnant, then decided to do ivf, then decided “God” was leading them to adopt. So adoption was the last thing on their mind. If my birth parents decided to keep me, then another baby would’ve came along. My parents would’ve accepted because they wanted to be parents. It didn’t matter what baby came along. If my parents didn’t have fertility issues and could have their own biological children, adoption wouldn’t even cross their mind. I wouldn’t even be with them. It hurts to know I’m third best. It hurts to know they never really wanted me in the first place. I’m just a make up kid they didn’t have. As an adoptee I’m sick of being told my birth mother is selfless, brave, a hero, made a sacrifice, gave a wonderful gift to another couple. She chose life for me and I should be happy she did or else I wouldn’t be here. Well my birth mother isn’t a hero, brave, didn’t make a sacrifice, or selfless. She made a choice. No I’m not grateful she decided to not abort me. I’m not grateful she decided to make a CHOICE to continue her pregnancy, give birth, and give me up for adoption. Stop using adoptees to show that you “saved” us. Or to shame women for terminating their pregnancy. I remember being forced to hold signs at 4,5,7,10 years old that said Adoption saved my life, choose life or if her mother murdered or aborted her, we wouldn’t be parents. My parents forced me to hold it at clinics and posted it online. They forced me to go to pregnancy centers and churches to share how God saved my birth mother from abortion. My parents told everyone at church, their friends, family that my birth mother wanted to abort me. They brought me to adoption agencies to tell women not to abort but to place their baby for adoption. All I remember is screaming and shouting. It was scary. I didn’t know what abortion was. I didn’t know why I had to be in front of large groups of people. I didn’t even know what adoption was. My parents told me I was adopted when I was 8 or 9 years old. I didn’t understand what that meant until I went to middle school. This is hurtful and harmful to adoptees. The photos of me holding signs and wearing tshirts about abortion and adoption might be found by my classmates or future employers. It’s embarrassing and hurtful. Why does everyone know my story except for me? Why should everyone know MY STORY? There are some things I wouldn’t dare to share. Adoptive parents and birth parents stop using us to push your propaganda. Adoption agencies stop using adoptees and their birth mothers stories to make a quick buck. Adoption and abortion are two different things. Why not encourage parenting over adoption? Is it because you’ll lose money? Adoption isn’t great. It’s not beautiful. It’s painful. It hurts. It’s rejection. The only one who wins are adoptive parents and agencies. I didn’t win anything. My birth parents didn’t win anything. Everyone got what they want but me. Yes from what I’ve been told, my birth mother wanted an abortion. My birth father did too. I’m glad my birth mom had choices. No she didn’t make the right choice by not aborting me. The right choice is your own choice. I hate that my parents used me in prolife movements. I hate parroting in front of church or to other people how grateful I am to have a family or grateful my birth parents chose adoption. I feel like an outcast. Biological children are never used in the abortion debate. Your mother could’ve aborted you too. If my birth mom aborted me you wouldn’t have known because I wouldn’t exist. Leave adoptees alone. We’re our own person. I support reproductive health. I support abortion. It’s much better than adoption. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with pain. Parenting is better than adoption. Every other choice is better than being given away by your birth parents. Adoption didn’t save my life. In fact it almost killed me. I tried to kill myself two years ago. I also self injured and was diagnosed with depression. All because of adoption. The pain of being adopted was overbearing. The pain of seeing and thinking that my birth parents kept their kids and now have complete families. The pain of my birth parents choosing to continue college instead of raising me. The pain of thinking what my life would be like if my birth parents kept me. The pain of no one understanding me. The pain of being used as a poster child and others telling me how to feel. I’m not grateful to be born. In fact I resent my birth mother for giving me up. I resent being born. I resent both my birth parents for not keeping me. I resent that I wasn’t good enough for them to keep. I resent that a few years later they both have children that they did keep and have families of their own. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t they make sacrifices for me? How can any woman carry a child and give it to strangers? It’s not fair I have blood siblings out there and they get to be raised by their biological parents. I feel like an outsider. I’m also not a gift. I remember getting a pair of jeans for Christmas that were too small and had to return them. Since I’m a gift can I be returned? Can my parents tell my birth parents they don’t like the gift my birth mother gave them?I as an adoptee had no say or choice in my adoption. I wish people would understand that being adopted is difficult. It’s not all rainbows and happy reunions. Everyone around me seems to think I’m a poster child for adoption. Like, I should be advertising it on my back to make sure people adopt… Adoption isn’t what it seems - at least not for the adoptee. Agencies and adoptive parents should stop making adoption look glamorous. It’s not. Last year I decided to contact my birth mom. I was nervous. I contacted her behind my parents back because they said I should wait until I was 18. I didn’t want to wait. I had so many questions with no answers. I wanted to see what she looks like. What her voice sounds like. What her life was like. Wondering if she remembers me. My parents already closed my adoption at 5. They weren’t going to prevent me from knowing my birth mom now. When I contacted my birth mom she told me she never stopped thinking about me. She told me she loves me. She was hoping when I became an adult I would reach out to her. She was heartbroken my adoption closed but realized it was for my best interests. She had so much to share with me. She was married now and had four kids. She graduated college. She was young in college when she found out she was pregnant with me. She came from a very conservative Christian background. It was looked down upon to have sex before marriage or get pregnant out of wedlock. She told me how hard it was carrying a pregnancy through college and moving back home until she delivered me. She was afraid to bring up abortion with me. Not knowing how I would feel. She wanted one. Her and her boyfriend at the time my bio dad agreed to get one. But she was too late for one. They gave her papers about adoption and government support. She thought she could parent me but she said she wanted better. She grew up in a rough environment. She didn’t want a kid growing up like that. She didn’t want to be on government aid. She didn’t want to struggle so she chose my parents to adopt me. She looked through many couples and decided on my parents. She said it was a hard choice She cried for months leading up to the delivery of me and cried years after giving me up. She knew after I was born she made a promise to my parents to give me away. They met months before and developed a close relationship. My parents saw me being born. My mom was the first one to hold me. My birth mom couldn’t hold me at first. It was too painful for her. She signed me away while holding me through tears. My birth dad was against the adoption but agreed to sign me away too. He wasn’t ready for a kid and didn’t want to deal with one. My birth mom didn’t want to choose adoption for me but she had no other choice. Seeing me for the first five years was painful for her. It hurt her she wasn’t “Mom” and just her first name. It was even more painful after my adoption closed. She didn’t want to live her life. She was angry at my parents but knew she had to try and move on with her life. She made this choice for herself. She had to deal with the consequences. She knew I had a family that she chose to love me. She knew I was safe. She knew I wouldn’t struggle. She had to let me go. She sent letters and gifts to the adoption agency years after my adoption closed. She wanted to let me now she still loves me. Hearing this made me cry. It made my upset. It made me sad.How does someone I don’t know, have such a big impact on me? Why did my parents have to be so selfish? Why didn’t they give me the things my birth mom sent? Why didn’t my birth mom just choose government assistance instead? I would rather be with her instead of being adopted and in pain. It still hurts to know she wasn’t the first one to hold me. It feels like rejection. It hurts more she signed me away while holding me. How could she look at me and do that? The biggest heartbreak was my birth mom telling my she chose a different name for me when I was born. She thought long and hard what to name me. I had her middle name. She told me when I was born I was already filled with personality like her. My parents changed my name when they adopted me. Now I feel like I have two different identities. I have a different name and completely different identify out there. I wonder if I would’ve been a different person. It sucks being stuck between two different worlds. I wonder if my parents thought my birth name wasn’t good enough for them. I wonder if I’ll ever be good enough for them. Why change my name my birth mom gave me? It really hurts my parents took my name away from me. My only and one connection to my birth mom. It hurts more they themselves never told me. They wanted to wait until I turned 18. They wanted to rename me because they tried so long for a baby. They wanted to give me the gift of a name and claim me as their own. Wasn’t I their own when they adopted me? Wasn’t I a gift already? What about the gifts my birth mom gave me? What about her choosing my name and you changing it? It hurts I have two names all because my first one wasn’t good enough. I really want to change my name back to my birth name. I want to claim back what’s mine. I want to figure out my identity. I don’t know how my parents would react to it. But I think it’s fair since they already took so many things away from me. Having contact with my birth mom was hard. I resent her. She’s still a stranger to me. She doesn’t know me. She’s not my mom. Just the stranger that gave birth to me. It felt weird talking to her. But I felt relieved I found her. I was happy to put a voice to a face and a face to a name. I didn’t have much to say to her. There were questions I wanted to ask but didn’t. She missed out on my life. She could’ve kept me. All she did was create me then gave me away. That’s hard to get over. She didn’t raise me. I only have one mom not two. I have one set of parents. My adoptive parents. It’s also hard to get over the choices my parents made for me. Changing my name, using my story, and closing my adoption is hard not to be angry at them and resent them too. Despite all this I still have a yearning for my birth mom. I cry for her. I want her. I miss her. How do I miss someone I don’t know? Maybe someday I can have a deeper more meaningful relationship with my birth mom. Right now she’s just a stranger. A stranger I feel bonded to emotionally. A stranger I want to know. A stranger that one day can be more than a birth mom but mom. Adoption is filled with complex feelings and relationships. Something outsiders don’t get. Adoption is all about adoptive parents, adoption agencies, and birth parents. Never about the adoptee. Every stupid meme I’ve seen about adoption is about adoptive parents and their happy stories. What about adoptees like me who hate being adopted and have two different identities. Why not make a meme about this? Why not make a meme about closing an adoption after 5 years? Why not make a meme about adoptees hurt and pain? What about a meme about having your name changed? What about a meme not using adoptees in propaganda or abortion arguments? What about a meme adoptive parents keeping things from adoptees? What about a meme hating adoption?Or a meme about birth moms grieving and not wanting to live. Let’s make memes about that.