Garfield Gets a Massive Boner

Garfield was looking at his favorite dish, lasagna. "wow," said Garfield, "This lasagna looks good… like really good. This sounds weird, but I'm getting feelings for this lasagna that I've never felt before. Feelings that are sexual."

Suddenly, Garfield had a massive boner. He beheld the boner with measured glee. Slightly right-biased and powerfully turgid, it glistened with sweet pre-jac like the morning dew. Oh how it glistened. Without thinking, compelled by an animal force, he buried his mega-bone in the hot I-talian treat.

Just then, Jon, Garfieild's owner in a blue shirt, walked into the room. Note that the background is blue like in the comics. "Argh!" Jon said, as he tore at his hair. "My life is ruined! Garfield, you shouldn't put your dick in other people's food! It's just not hygienic!"

Garfield wasn't going to take this from a little betch like Jon. "Hey Jon, you betch. Stop being the worst human being. I think that when you die and go to hell, hell will just be a mirror, because that's what your hell would be; just being with you. That's what everyone's hell would be." Except Garfield couldn't really say that because he has the graceless lips and tongue of a cat – Garfield cannot actually talk.

"That's just not fair! Not only do you have to show off your large, admittedly magnificent dick, you also have to put it in my food! Grr, it's not fair! You get everything and now I find out that your anatomy is better then mine! All the girls would like me so much better if I had that glorious, Zeus of a Cock of yours…" Jon then looked at a fruit bowl on his table. He noticed a bananan in between two apples. Suddenly he started glowing. "Hey… I know! Oh Garfield, do you want to do a favor for me? I have a date at seven today and I want to impress my date… like really impress her."

Garfield understands none of this. He is a cat. His feline brain is not sophisticated enough to process more than "eat lasagna" and "violate lasagna." Thus, he does not comprehend the dark machinations of Mr. Arbuckle, who plans to impress his date by also fucking the lasagna.

Just then Nermal came out of nowhere. "Hey Garfield, I came to visit you!" Garfield hates Nermal because he's a little betch cat who thinks he's sooo much better then everyone so Garfield swung his dick and crushed Nermal with it. A grey goo was stained on his hard submarine like cock. Garfield looked at his dick with pride. "You know what, you are so large and amazing I think I will call you… Moby Dick."

John's date arrives and he totally does not deliver. She opens the door, right? And he tries to fuck the lasagna, like the cat did. But

He didn't make new lasagna; she is not going to be impressed with jon's sloppy seconds

His pee-pee is not that great. IT's like, a sad earthworm. The kind that's like, on the sidewalk and is getting cooked by the sun because it was too stupid to realize that it's on concrete when it's raining

John's a betch

Jon's date raised and eyebrow and looked bored. "That's it? Betch-Please, I can do *so* much better than that." Jon's date went to the refridgerater and started going "Hrm…" She took at a pineapple and gave it a whole blowjob. Garfield and Jon's mouth fell onto the floor in amazement. "Holy cow," said Garfield. "You couldn't even do that with a jolly rancher you sad fuck." Then she took at every item from the refrigerator one by one and put it in her vagina. She took the sour cream and put it in her vagina. She took out a box of domino's pizza and put it in her vagina. She took out a large ham and put it in her vagina… im not explaining this. Look in your own refrigerator. See the stuff in there? She put it in her vagina. All of it from the soy milk to that giant container of kimchi. She then played with all of it in her vagina and put it back in the refrigerator. "You see? That's how you fuck food."

After that, Jon's date left him because he's a sad little fuck. Jon cried and cried and said, "oh my god, why am I such a sad little faggot!?" He then looked at his refrigerator and said, "oh wait, she put all of that in her vagina… so if I had sex with all of the things in the refrigerator, it would be like having sex with her multiple times!" John's face was filled with a smile and John spent the entire weekend having sex with all of the food stuff in his refrigerator. Meanwhile, Garfield and Odie had to eat everything that was fucked by Jon and his date. It smelled like goat Cheese and rotting cum.

The end

Any questions?