Washington D.C.—

Vice President Mike Pence may be the most devoutly Evangelical vice president America has ever had, and his religious beliefs stand in sharp contrast to the apparent lack of religious self-examination in President Donald Trump.

Several aides close to Mr. Pence have told The Halfway Post in anonymous conversations that the VP is beginning to suspect Mr. Trump has not actually ever read the Bible.

“Mike is super serious about the Bible,” explained a VP office staffer, “and he’s told me how he has conducted several, subtle pop quizzes for the President, asking questions referencing important Bible figures, and that the President has failed every one. Mike told me he asked Trump who his favorite Bible character was, and Trump answered ‘that one guy Job,’ but pronounced it like the word for employment. Later, when Pence referenced the names of the authors of the Gospels, Trump tried to argue that Paul, John and Luke couldn’t have been in the Bible because their names were ‘American,’ and not ‘Jewish.’ Mike told me he has started seriously thinking Trump has probably never even opened a Bible, and that he was horrified to think he had believed Trump when the President claimed he had memorized the entire Bible during their first meeting when Trump was thinking about selecting him as his VP to shore up Evangelical support. Mike feels a bit used.”

Another VP aide explained that Pence has been frustrated with Trump’s lack of interest in praying together.

“Mike is always asking Trump if they can hold hands together and pray over things like meals, and bill signings, and ‘just because’ moments, but Trump always acts creeped out when Pence asks. Trump claims he prays at night, but Pence knows that he’s up tweeting insults, and certainly not attempting to be humble or reflect on the day’s mistakes. Trump says he prays while in the bathroom, but occasionally Pence will put his ear to the door and try to listen to what Trump is supposedly praying for, and Pence can hear that Trump is just watching porn audibly on his phone. Pence wants to give Trump the benefit of the doubt so badly, but Trump gives him no help. The other day Trump said he had never heard of Noah, and it must have been true because that night at a campaign rally Trump mentioned how ‘a lot of people don’t know this, but there was a giant flood many years ago.’ I feel bad for Mike.”

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(Picture courtesy of the White House.)

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