There are many hacking communities. More than a few are at war with each other.

Inspired by Peter's Evil Overlord List, this interesting article about Sabu, and speculation about various recent events. I'm about as likely to become a 1337 Anonymous H@xx0r as I am to become an evil overlord, but I hope this will be useful to someone.

1. I'll spend my free time honing my skillz, not having pointless arguments with people on Twitter and IRC.

2. If I desperately want to leave my house but am terrified of doing so, I won't "accidentally on purpose" get arrested just so I can go outside. Instead I'll ask a family member, friend, or local mental health services provider for help.

3. In every IRC chat, I'll assume that at least one person is keeping the chat log, and will show it to my worst enemy at the worst possible moment.

4. I'll never say something like "I am invincible! I can never be dox'd or v& !" After that, the FBI usually shows up instantaneously.

5. I'll only be anonymous when necessary. If I'm lucky enough to live in a place with freedom of speech and other guaranteed rights, I'll proudly exercise my rights under my own name unless there's a good reason not to (and cowardice doesn't count).

6. If I'm angry at someone, I'll express my anger either under my real name or anonymously, but never both. For example, I won't hack a company's website right after I rant to everyone I know about how much I hate the company.

7. I'll use different nicknames for different purposes and in different internet fora, and be careful not to reveal connections between them. Hacking high-profile websites using a nickname when I once owned a domain name in the form of nickname-dot-tld is completely out of the question.

8. It may occasionally be appropriate to find vulnerable websites first, and come up with a justification for hacking them later, but I'll use this judiciously. For example, I won't hack a local hair salon website and harass its webmaster, then try to justify this by saying I saw a cop go into the salon once.

9. I won't lie and say that I'm at Defcon when I'm not, because that's just sad.

10. Actually I'll realize that no one really cares if I'm at Defcon, so I won't go on about it either way.

11. Although I'll have many typically geeky characteristics, I'll still make some effort to stay healthy (i.e., get up from the computer once in a while, and not live on Cheetos). Hacking is easier when you have good circulation.

12. I won't use addictive drugs. Or if I absolutely must use addictive drugs, I'll be careful not to learn the dox of any fellow hackers. Because one day when I really need a hit, I'd sell out anyone to get it.

13. I won't trust druggies with any important secrets, see above.

14. I won't ever talk to the police or allow them to search my stuff without a warrant. I'll watch this video about why not to talk to the police and learn what to do if an agent is at your door.

15. If I ever get angry about something, I won't suddenly turn against all the hackers I've ever known. This just ensures that someone will get angry enough to dox me and turn me in.

16. I won't fly into a fit of rage any time someone calls me a script kiddie. Haters gonna hate, and it's easy to do something stupid when you're raging.

17. If my first choice of hacking target seems too difficult/dangerous, I won't obsess over it and keep trying and putting myself at risk. There are plenty of other targets, and I can come back to the first one later - maybe I'll have increased my skills or they'll have lessened their security.

18. I'll try hacking my own website(s) once in a while and fix any vulnerabilities I find, and make sure all plugins are up-to-date. It would be hypocritical to make fun of other people for having poor security while neglecting my own.

19. If another hacker I know starts doing bizarre/rude/risky stuff like DDOS'ing his/her own sites, picking fights with people, or acting like he/she wants to get v&, I'll immediately and permanently distance myself from that person instead of continuing to work together.

20. I'll remember that there are many good causes in the world, many different ways of fighting for them, and many sources of happiness. I'll occasionally ask myself, "Why am I doing this?", and if the answer isn't a cheery, "For the lulz!", I'll check my bearing, change tack and sail for sunnier climes. Then after a well-deserved vacation, I can return as dapper/piratical/geeky/nervy/lulzy/hackery as ever. With a new nickname.

Theodora Michaels is a US attorney at law with over twenty years of experience in the entertainment industry. This article first appeared here and is republished under Creative Commons.