Alright so i hear it is talk like a pirate day

fuck that

i am not your fucking heartie

you wanna know why

because if you were to walk up to a pirate

like arr matey ye be bilgerattin me gangplank ahoy

you would find yourself on a one way

midnight express

to stabtown

population: your dumb ass

look guys all of this avast bullshit

is really fucking disrespectful to the pirate community

anyway what about somali pirates

i bet they dont say yarr too much do they?

well maybe they do

that’s a bad example

but how about scurvy dog

i dont think they say that very much

i dont even think they speak english very much

how does that make you feel

does it make you feel bad about yourself?

if so

i have admirably fulfilled my role

in ACT like a pirate day

which is a new holiday

scheduled for every day

of the rest of my life

now here’s a video about murder

I don’t need captain jack fuckity sparrow

telling me how to talk

and neither do you

break free motherfuckers

break free