It has been suggested today that the practice of snorting cocaine from a partner’s breasts to add a druggy-sexual frisson to your sex life is actually quite wasteful.

“The erotic vibe created by combining cocaine and sex is instead wasted because you just spill it out on the floor and wind up spending an hour picking tiny flecks of coke from the carpet on all fours,” claimed one man who tried the act last weekend and lost two bags of coke and his erection. “It’s just a big risk in case the person moves while they have coke resting on their tits and the coke goes everywhere – tables and cisterns might not have tits but at least they don’t move when you’re trying to whack a line.”

“There’s just too much of a risk that you’re going to spill all your expensive drug down the back of the couch or that it’d even get soaked into the person’s skin if they’re in any way sweaty or grimy,” he continued.

“If you engage in some body cocaining, particularly after an especially robust love making session that has left a delicate sheen of sweat on your partner’s body, then you’re going to turn your coke into a pasty mush – which can then only be thrown out or gummed, which as we all know, is pointless and rots your teeth.”

Some people have defended snorting drugs straight from the body of a lover or friend claiming that it can be done if a person sticks to sensible yet still erotic body parts such as the shinbone, depending on fitness – the abs, and straightest surface of all, the forehead.

“I’ve snorted many a line from my boyfriend’s forehead,” claimed one woman. “I’ve actually even used his back as a table for upwards of three bags of cocaine. He dumped me after developing serious back trouble and losing sight in one eye after some forehead coke trickled into his eyeball.”

“I’d still highly recommend it though,” she added.