Mormons Attempt To Distance Beliefs From Plot Of 'Battlestar Galactica'

SALT LAKE CITY, UT—In an official statement issued by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints last week, Mormon leaders attempted to distance their beliefs from the plot of Battlestar Galactica.

Although the original Battlestar Galactica series was written by a Mormon, the LDS church now wishes to publicly “put a little distance” between their unorthodox beliefs and the beloved sci-fi show.

President Russell M. Nelson gently reminded members of the LDS church to please refrain from comparing their faith to the plot of the Syfy television show in which residents of twelve space colonies dispersed from their home planet of Kobol attempt to find a long-lost thirteenth colony named Earth. Nelson claimed that the beliefs of Mormons, including that God lives near the distant star Kolob and that Israelites came to America and founded vast civilizations, are totally separate from the classic science-fiction series.

“I know it’s easy to slip up and start talking about the plot of the show instead of the plot of the Book of Mormon,” Nelson said in an address to the church. “But God has revealed to me that we should try to avoid such comparisons whenever possible, to show that our beliefs are to be taken seriously, and are definitely not fiction that a shady con artist made up in the early 19th century.”

“Besides, our star is called Kolob, and in BSG it’s Kobol. Totally distinct, see?” he added. He further stated that the Mormon belief in the doctrine of eternal progression isn’t at all similar to the somewhat confusing conclusion of the show.

“So say we all,” he concluded, with the crowd of gathered Mormons dutifully echoing his statement.

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