Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.

I wish more parents would admit that they see their relationships as a corporation and they have children because it's a brand extension.

The kids are supposed to be "chips off the old block," after all. Why not admit it?

I am moved to this thought on hearing that a woman in India has named her child "Uber," as the baby was born in an Uber car.

It's a lovely sentiment, one which the child will likely resent as soon as he thinks for himself -- or as soon as a municipal taxi driver refuses to have him in his vehicle.

However, parents are surely losing a marketing opportunity in calling their kids anodyne things such as John and Jocasta.

These names incite yawns. They evoke nothing other than conformity.

Here, then, are my 10 suggestions for giving your baby a brand name that will immediately evoke strong feelings.

And if you seriously think that wise, modern parents aren't already hurtling down this path, think again.

20 kids were named "Audi" in 2014. 73 were called "Lexus."

1. Apple.

Gwyneth Paltrow has already given you a head start here. No, she didn't name her child after the gadget maker, but imagine how superior you will feel after your child is associated with the world's most popular brand. Ask the 19 couples who named their child Apple in 2014. They've surely infused their child with a fine sense of taste. The child's first words on seeing a toy will very likely be: "Unashamedly plastic."

2. Fox.

If you haven't done this already, you're behind. 170 people did this in 2014. I cannot confirm how many might be Democrats with a wicked sense of humor. Perhaps these people merely dream that their kid will make a lot of money by being fair and balanced. I'm still sad that there isn't yet a Fox Beckham or Fox West. Please don't do this, however, if your last name is Ake. Or Ache.

3. 9 Lives.

I know you'll think me cruel for suggesting you name your child after a cat food. I'll suggest you should get more upset at the 16 people who named their kid "ESPN" last year. But wouldn't every kid want to be called 9 Lives? Not only does it sound like the most brilliant gangster in the world. It also offers the prospect of your child having the perfect name for an eternal robot, which is what your kid will be when it grows up.

4. Burberry.

"I'm Burberry Johnson. How do you do?" Isn't this name redolent of a perfect sophistication? It's like a "Downton" character with just a touch of modern savvy. It's perfect for a boy or a girl. Indeed, I'm astonished that it didn't seem to make the list for 2014. So hurry, but please don't ever let little Burberry ever wear clothes from, you know Burberry. That would be branding overkill.

5. Equinox.

What's lovely is that this isn't just one brand name, it's two. You could either be naming your child after an elite fitness club or a Chevy SUV. You'd have people guessing. You could even keep your kid guessing for years as to which it actually was. Either way, you child would surely get discounts at the gym and the Chevy dealership. A child that actually makes you money. That's a rarity.

6. H&M (For Twins).

To be called just by one letter is one of the apogees of power and cool. Please consider that H could be associated with "Dial H For Hero." And M -- well, surely you've seen at least one Bond movie, haven't you? What a lovely name that would be for a girl who will grow up to be powerful and wise. Even if people think you've named your kids after a cheap Scandinavian store, you can tell them that your children are fast and fashionable, unlike the 23 kids born in 2014 who were named "Kia."

7. Energizer.

I know this is a mere battery brand. But once it becomes a kid's name it blossoms into a glorious promise of permanently positive glow. Imagine being able to utter the words: "Energizer's going to Harvard." What a beatific tone that would have.

8. Enterprise.

Look, you love business. You think business is everything. For you, corporate life is life itself. What better name could you possibly choose than the one purloined by a car rental company? Envious parents won't even know whether you named your child because you believe it's a symbol of your enterprise, or whether you believe this particular child will show enterprise in everything it does. Then there will be a few oddly-dressed people in your neighborhood who will be convinced you named your child after a starship. This name is the perfect investment: No downside.

9. Medtronic.

This brand name might not be familiar to all. It makes medical devices. I met one of its senior executives on a Kauai golf course a few years ago. Ever since then I've thought what a lovely name for a child. It reeks of a modernity that suggests your child is the contemporary equivalent of the Six Million Dollar Man. Indeed, by the time you've put Medtronic through college, she might have cost you $6 million. This name has, though, such a frisson of the future that I feel it's a name you won't regret.

10. Novartis.