ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The local community has been left reeling today as a nationwide retailer with a fantastic reputation has been caught paying their staff the correct wage on their first attempt.

Colon Power, home of all things electronic around the nation, came under investigation earlier this year from FairWork after being tipped off by a number of happy employees.

Authorities were shocked to find that every employee had been paid the correct amount, including all their superannuation.

“This really is shocking, it’s blown my little public servant socks off,” said one FairWork spokesperson.

“Chilling. I have chills. If you and I were standing face to face, you’d be able to see my goosebumps.”

Dale Galhoolie has run Colon Power in Betoota Heights for a few years now and even he is shocked that everything’s been above board.

He admits pressure from his higher-ups to cut down on hours and expenses has been tough.

“I’ve never really had to cook any books because if I did, it’d be illegal and this fascist government would have me thrown in jail. Unless I was some pig-necked fat cunt from the television. Like if I looked like I had a wheelbarrow tyre around my neck but it wasn’t a wheelbarrow tyre, it was my own fucking flesh. If I looked like that, if I was five foot fuck all and was on television underpaying my hard-working workers, I’d be fine,”

“But I’m just an underemployed bag of sun-dried hommus working in middle-management at an electronics wholesaler in some shithole town in south-west Queensland so I’d probably do some hard time for ripping off my workers and cooking the books,”

“Sorry, what was the question again?”

Our reporter said it didn’t matter and that he already had enough for the article.

More to come.

