ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Socceroos coach Ange Postecoglou has taken a leaf out of Bill O’Reily’s book and told a waiting media conference that the team will ‘fuck it and do it live’.

The national European-style football team missed out on automatic qualification to the 2018 soccer world cup after failing to whip Thailand enough times to garner that privilege.

Instead, a series of upset victories in their qualification group means that the men in gold will have to do it the hard way.

“Fuck it, we’ll do it live,” said Postecoglou.

“We should shit it in against Syria. They’re basically the Papua New Guinea of the Middle East when it comes to football and we’re way, way better than that on a good day,”

“But yeah, don’t worry Australia. We’ll get to the World Cup next year, don’t you worry. My job bloody well depends on it. Anyway, cheers.”

However, last nights uninspiring victory against Thailand has done little to raise the spirits of one local Socceroos fan, who told The Advocate that a wave of familiar disappointment has once again washed over him.

Growing up, Hayden Georgiou’s mother wouldn’t let him play a contact sport.

Faced with that ancient form of child abuse, the now 45-year-old was dragged kicking and screaming into his local soccer club where he has remained ever since.

He says the performance last night validates his passing interest in the national side.

“I like club sport much better,” he said.

“Rawer and more fun. Not as polished but still very enjoyable to watch and play in. But when you watch the EPL all week then watch the Socceroos play Thailand, it’s almost unwatchable,”

“I care about the Socceroos, I hope the best for them. It’s just that I don’t care if they win or lose, you know? They’ve broken my heart too many times.”

More to come.