I'm single. I live in LA. I'm on dating apps. And unsurprisingly, I get more unsolicited dick pics than you could ever imagine. Out of nowhere, the straight-guy selfie takes over my phone screen like virtual unwanted morning wood.

Let’s be honest: while I enjoy penises, I don't necessarily want unexpected visual boners intruding on my day. I wondered, "What would guys do if I turned the tables and sent them an unexpected vagina pic?" And so, in my own twist on revenge porn, I sent 40 unexpected vagina pics to men on Bumble.

The method:

First, I had to find the perfect vagina pic because the only people who see mine are men I'm intimate with (and, duh, my gynecologist). I searched the Interwebs, and after extensive research I have to give props to straight guys and lesbians -- vaginas are like fingerprints except you really don't know what you're going to get. After a lot of "Whoa!"s and "Oh my!"s I found a vagina that somewhat matched mine (correct skin tone!) and seemed "cute” (even if it's some other lady's secret garden, it'd better be attractive).

Next, I loaded the dating app Bumble, which lets you send photos to your matches within the app rather than via text. If I was going to send vaje pics willy-nilly, I didn't want to have too many weirdoes knowing my phone number.

I made my search parameters wide -- ages 22-60 (I didn't want to give an older guy a heart attack) and up to 50 miles in the LA area. I swiped right on every man that popped up and matched with about 100. I sent out a blanket, "Hello handsome," note since women need to make the first move on Bumble. And then I waited.



What happened:

For the three guys that responded quickly, I flirted aggressively and hit them with the v-pic after four to five messages. I braced myself for, "Hey, why'd you send that?" or "Whoa, where'd that come from?" Instead, I got three very lengthy... porn descriptions of what they'd like to do with that virtual vagina.

I didn't know what else to do, so I wrote, "Send me a pic." And boy, did they. Three dick pix: two erect, one flaccid. Of course I took screenshots.

I decided to up the shocker ante and hit the next crop of guys with the v-pic after initial hellos. Four guys asked me what I did for a living, my guess was to determine if I was a pro or in porn.