Tampax compak tampons fresh super absorbancy (which, as it happens, isn't a word) x 20. Tampax have rolled out the big guns with a snappy title like this one.



Before I start the review I must admit something: I am an orphan. Why this is relevant will become clear soon enough... Very clear. Actually I'll tell you right now. Being that my parents both died when I was 0.75 years old, I was raised by wolves; not just any wolves however - wolves which cannot talk would you believe it. So, as you can imagine I wasn't really educated on how to stop a 5 day long vaginal bleed (except from this one time when papa wolf got into the neighbours garbage and ate a red towel).



I'll give you a little insight into why I decided to spend my hard earned cash on this product. It all started on a rainy day. Everyone knows wolves love rainy days but I could never see the appeal so while my many brothers and sisters got their fur wet (idiots) I sat at the entrance to Boots, growling at anyone who threw money at me. I know I should have been more pleasant and grateful, all they saw was a very hairy, naked 34 year old who looked like he could use some cash, but I was a rather aggressive little wolf. Eventually I got bored though and decided to venture into the bright new world of Boots. As this was 1974, people were fully accustomed to naked wolfmen running about in their pharmacies - so much so that I was treated like a God: After I mauled a sales assistant to death the humans brought me peace offerings. I had flown the coop and I haven't seen my wolf family in over a decade. Anyway, back to the peace offerings, maybe you see where this is going. Originally the previously mentioned peace offerings were in the form of child sacrifice, but I grew rather bored of this practise fairly quickly. So to combat my boredom, I demanded useless consumer products instead.

After living on a throne of cough medicine and toilet paper in Boots the Chemist for around 6 months one young lady brought a present. It was awfully colourful and strewn accross it was that one word that would become a part of me, that one word I would not be able to live without, that one word I would grow to hate: "Tampax". So, like any deluded man animal would, I tore it open and bit into it. It was dry. I would not recommend eating a tampon. The lady ran before I could enquire what I was supposed to with these strange little wands.



Anyway, onto how the product performs. As it happens, I am very adept at guessing when lady females are on the bloody bit of their menstrual cycle, so one of my favourite things to do is run up to them and stuff a tampon up their skirts. Once in a while I get thanked but more often I just get a slap. The feedback I've received from my customers is generally quite positive, most say that it soaks up the blood nicely.



I'm going to leave you now, I hope my story affects your life profoundly and whenever you get yourself tangled up in mischief you think of me. XoX



Anyway,