It may be cold AF outside, but in Siesta Key, summer is just getting started—AKA our favorite MTV reality show about rich Florida kids is back.

If you're just joining us on this island paradise, here's a quick recap: Alex is very rich and handsome enough to pull all the girls on The Key (not including Madisson, who's the smartest person on this show).

Alex is also giving up the playboy lifestyle to settle down with Juliette, with whom he's had a bit of a rocky past. But can their relationship survive Chloe, an avowed pot-stirrer who tirelessly stalks everyone's social media and her new friend, Cara, a rich girl with whom Alex has hooked up with in the (possibly very recent) past? LOL, who knows.

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In fact, that's only a few of the questions we have. Here are some more:

Will Madisson ever find true love?

And will it be with Brandon, whose music career is near-professional?

Or will it be with Jared, a new cast member with whom she hooked up in high school?

What happens now that Kelsey's modeling career has brought her back to the key? She's got a new boyfriend, but her ex, Garrett, doesn't seem to be over her.

Why didn’t Pauly Paul perform at Alex’s party?

And, hey, where the hell was Canvas for the entire two hours this show was on?

I needed answers, so I once again called up Siesta Key megafan Spencer Pratt for his expert insight on all the drama happening on and off the beach.



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Me and my bestie coming to f*ck sh*t up. #SiestaKey pic.twitter.com/fntEC4ZEth — Siesta Key (@SiestaKey) January 23, 2019

On Juliette really stepping it up this season:



Juliette is alllllll in. I know everyone on the cast is just loving their blue checks on social media, but she’s really getting out there. She’s not playing around anymore. I feel like I've seen Juliette everywhere. She's got a little “Fab, Fit, Fun” campaign. I've seen her in a Teami Tea ad. She’s not playing around. She needs this. It’s “A story” or nothing.

Juliette. MTV

I mean, she’s an FSU sorority girl. Those girls are assassins. Those are the real deal. Sorority life is high-stakes drama 24/7 IRL. She’s not doing this ruthless shit just for the camera. It’s all her.

On whether Juliette truly loves Alex:

I think she does. When cameras aren't rolling and no one’s accusing Alex of cheating just so they can get their five seconds of airtime in, he’s probably really nice, you know? He got her a YSL bag, so maybe he loves her, too. I personally thought you had to buy a Gucci bag to prove love, but I don't live in Florida.



On Chloe’s decision to give up the tiki bar and go into real estate:

I was really surprised that Chloe would give up the sand-sweeping gig because that's guaranteed air time. She should have stayed at the tiki bar because we’re definitely not gonna follows her real estate career. If she’s gonna sell condos, she'd better be in charge of condo sand maintenance.

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Do we know that Chloe really passed that real estate exam? This is suspicious to me. What’s a lien, Chloe? WHAT’S A LIEN? Five seconds. And when did Chloe even have all this time to take a real estate license exam when she's working on the Mueller report, anyway? Focus your spy skills on the Russia interference, Chloe.

I love how Juliette said “that girl needs a job.” Actually Chloe's got a job. She's the one keeping you all having jobs. And she’s really good at it.

On Chloe’s new friend: Cara.

Chloe’s acting like she brought Cara on, but yeah right! I think Cara was DM-ing MTV like, "Hey! I would totally film." Cara is thirsty AF. She’s dehydrated in the desert, which I have zero problem with.

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But she has to pick an act. Either you're gonna be totally innocent or you're gonna stop bluffing like, "Maybe I should call Alex.” Be that girl. And then Juliette can see how her boyfriend’s shitty. Or don’t and let's just focus on your new relationship with Garrett which I'm so looking forward to. Garrett’s doing a lot of sweeping up.

On whether Alex should have thrown Cara out of his party:

Initially, I thought that if we’re throwing out girls Alex wants to hook up with, every girl here is a suspect, but then when Cara was getting her nails done and like, "I could get him right now if I wanted,” I knew she was up to no good.

Cara should have bought the tiki bar. That should've been her storyline. “I Bought the Tiki Bar.” Because I don’t know if this breaking people up business is for her.

Chloe. MTV

On Juliette confronting Chloe for bringing Cara to Alex’s party:

When Chloe came back with, "Well if I'm not supposed to bring anyone to the party that hasn't fucked Alex, it'd just be me and you here,” that was fire. She’s so quick-witted.

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I also felt like it was a solid point. How many of those girls in thongs with their butts hanging over the freaking pool really haven’t hooked up with Alex? Juliette can’t get over Cara, but she’s also shopping for puka shell necklaces with Amanda, The Key’s most notorious nose-smasher and boyfriend-stealer? Nah.



It’s because Cara’s rich. I really think the money is messing with Juliette. Cara might be a Jersey mobster’s daughter.

On why Spencer empathizes so much with Chloe:

I’m the Chloe of the show. I definitely took some notes from Siesta Key’s number one private eye and applied them to my TV return. When she was like, "What I saw on social media…” I definitely feel like I used that exact sentence multiple times. Chloe may be ruthless, but she doesn’t lie.

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On whether Alex will cheat on Juliette this season.

It’s actually a matter of how many times.

On Garrett moving up and moving out:

I’m just so excited that he's selling so many of his fitness Skype sessions that he can move into his own apartment. I hope he doesn't get into a fight with Chloe because she was the most famous of his clients.

My favorite part was: here’s Garrett moving out of the garage because his online business is so successful and here’s Brandon helping and somehow we’re all of a sudden talking about Brandon’s tours and it’s like, come on, dude, let Garrett have a little shine. He kept his shirt on for an entire two episodes. He’s really changing his life.

Alex. MTV

On the entertainment at Alex’s party:

Why did he get Rich Homie Quan? Doesn't he know Brandon's ready to tour? I guarantee you Brandon was not cool with that. I just wanna know if Alex is so rich, shouldn't he afford some more popping talent? Obviously Rich Homie Quan has a couple songs, but where's Drake at? Why did they have Rich Homie Quan when they should've had Pauly Paul play the piano?

Did you hear Pauly Paul telling Chloe to turn her magnifying glass into a mirror? Heidi thought that was the freaking line of the year. That was the best rap lyric he's ever written. That was poetic. Maybe he isn’t just classically trained in piano. He must have also been a poetry minor or something.

On Brandon’s burgeoning music career:

If Brandon performs in L.A., I wouldn’t miss it. Just let me know which mall.

On whether Madisson and Brandon are getting back together (and why Ben left):

Now that I hear that she didn't have a problem with cheating in high school, I feel like her and Brandon could've worked out. I feel like we’d have Ben as her love interest, but MTV wouldn't give Ben a talent fee. He was like, "I'm not doing this show for free. I'm a star.” I really wanted to see another season with him and Brandon eating grapes together.

On whether Jared should have shown up to Alex’s birthday party:

I think it’s really good they had the drama, but in real life, I would've never shown up to the party of somebody that hated me and then gone up to them and been like, "Hey, what's up? Happy birthday.”

Jared. MTV

I just wanna know if Alex really went one-on-one with Jared in high school because I feel like there's a reason why there's weight classes in fighting. Jared looks way bigger than Alex.

On the fight between Alex, Jared, and Pauly Paul:

I was pretty disappointed in that whole thing. I really think Pauly got a little too thirsty for action. If you want a little fight scene, let's get to episode three or four and maybe something will really blow up.

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I wonder if Alex knew that Jared was coming, and was all like, "We'll jump him. We'll get him." If that was premeditated. I feel like Chloe's doing a really great job of producing the show this season.

On whether Madisson and Jared are getting together:

I know she didn’t like when he put his hand in her hair and I get it. I was like, "What are you doing? Personal space. Boundaries.” Don’t fill a jar with 365 reasons why you love her. She did not want to be on that walk on the beach with him.

It was very like, "You're a stalker. You're everywhere I go.” Madisson’s not coming after you, bro. She’s going for a pro-athlete.

Kelsey. MTV

On Kelsey:

She was acting like she changed so much to Garrett. Girl, why was she crying to Garrett? When you're telling somebody you don't like that you love someone else, why do you start crying? I feel like you could say that with a straight face.

Insane how she’s pretending she never cheated on Garrett. We’ve got a real grassy knoll over here. Maybe she’s got a twin. Do she and her mom have a Freaky Friday situation going on? Maybe she’s saying she didn’t cheat on her new boyfriend yet? Because I think she cheated on her new boyfriend with Garrett. Watch it happen.

On why Kelsey did so much crying in the premiere:

I think she's experienced so much negativity now, she's probably very self-aware of like, "Will people hate me if I do this?" You know? Nobody else on the cast had that fucking job. I'm sure what Kelsey's doing is probably the smarter thing to do. What I did was just go all the fuck out on this Hills reboot.

Heidi was watching Alex and she’s like, "Nobody gets that drunk on camera.” and I was like, "Well I did for the whole new season of The Hills." She's like, "Oh shit.” Kelsey’s definitely doing the right thing here. She’s being strategic deciding to defend Juliette over Chloe.

On Juliette and Amanda shopping for Alex’s birthday present.

Why did I really think Amanda and Juliette were just out there shoplifting? Were they at that bait shop just stealing? Why the hell are they at Siesta Key’s finest fishing store, being like “Oh my god, what can I get him?” when he’s dropping YSL bags on you, anyway?

On the fight at the beach:

I was just really focused on Amanda threatening to break Chloe’s nose again. Good for you, girl. Get back on this show. Props to Madisson, too, who was like “lots of drama happening, better move back here and pose for a photoshoot.”

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This is why Key will be a continued success. Everyone just meets up on the beach, has their stuff, and everyone's just yelling at everyone. No one’s trying to act like “It’s my scene.” They’re all breaking noses up in here.



On whose side Spencer is on:

I feel like Chloe is the underdog. She gets no credit for keeping this show alive. I feel like a lot of Juliette's drama is self-inflicted. If you're gonna be with a guy you can't trust, you're gonna have to deal with the repercussions of that.

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I go full savage all season — Chloe Trautman (@chloe_trautman) January 20, 2019

There’s gonna be a lot of Caras if you're gonna be married to Alex. There's a lot of Caras out there that are gonna be trying to steal your man. And if you think every girl you meet wants to sleep with Alex and that someone needs to talk shit to them, well, ol’ girl is going to have to talk a lot of shit.

On Alex revealing that Chloe is in love with him:

If anyone else was that delusional that they didn't think Chloe's been in love with Alex since high school, then I don't know what they're drinking out of those pool-safe plastic cups.

On Carson, who’s gone but not forgotten:

Nice guys finish last in reality television. I loved Carson. He just didn't come in hot enough spitting any game. I learned from shooting The Hills again that reality TV in 2019 has a Darwinian energy. You edit yourself out if you don't bring it, and Carson just…he’s gone. Pour one out for him and Canvas.

Follow Mark and Spencer on Twitter.

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