Brave - or just cruel? The men who told their wives they were FAT

All men should know a woman's weight is a taboo subject - but these foolhardy husbands went ahead and said it anyway

Emily Gorrill was devastated when husband Tim called her fat

However, Sarah Watts was grateful husband Matt told her the truth

Despite husband Stephen's nagging, Claire Williams can't motivate herself to lose weight

Only the bravest or most foolhardy of husbands ever dare broach the topic of their wife’s weight — with good reason. Here three couples reveal what happened when men break one of marriage’s great taboos . . .



HE MUST HAVE KNOWN HOW MUCH IT HURT ME

Emily Gorrill was devastated when her husband told her she had gained weight Emily Gorrill, 38, is a full-time mum married to Tim, 53, a carpenter. Originally from Lancaster, they live in Nonards, France, with their children Henry, eight, Caleb, five, and twins Maisy and Essie, two.

Emily says . . .



My first child, Henry, was just hours old when I noticed my husband Tim’s adoring gaze shift from our beautiful baby boy to the ruinous state of my body. As I sat up in bed in Furness General Hospital, Tim’s eyes slid to my tummy — and he did nothing to disguise his shock. ‘Gosh, you really did put on a lot of weight, didn’t you?’



Other women will probably argue that I should have slapped him. It was a devastating thing for a husband to say to his wife in those hormonally charged, vulnerable first moments of motherhood.



Luckily I knew this wasn’t Tim being malicious. He is simply someone who speaks his mind.



But, that said, this was a particularly low point. After all, he must have known how much his comments would hurt me. I needed to hear that my husband loved me and was proud of me, not that I’d run to fat. Not least because I already knew it.



I did nothing but eat throughout my pregnancy. I got away with it while I was pregnant, but once I’d given birth it was immediately obvious that I’d piled on masses of non-baby weight. My thighs were huge. My hips vast. My entire body had the consistency of blancmange.



But it wasn’t as if I was in denial about it. In the shower after giving birth I looked down at my body and my first thought was: ‘Look at the state of me, I need to sort this out!’ So why did Tim have to point it out to me? I do have eyes!



Tim and I started dating when I was 28 and a slender size 12. I worked out several times a week at the gym and was always very toned. Tim was always complimenting me about my sexy 5ft 9ins body.



Tim Gorrill thinks it's essential for a husband to be honest about his wife's weight

Of course children changed all that. I accept that it’s important for my marriage that my husband finds me attractive. It works the other way round too — I would see it as a lack of respect towards me if Tim ballooned and refused to do anything about it.



Tim is 50 now and losing his hair, but I don’t give him a hard time about it. I simply see him as an older version of the man I fell in love with.



Nine weeks after Henry was born I was in the gym and walked for miles every day with the pram. Within three months, I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans.



My weight followed the same pattern with my subsequent two pregnancies. I would go up from 10st to 13st and spend two months working hard after each to shift the weight.



But each time Tim’s reaction was the same. He was always quick to point out a roll of flab, or a thigh bulge, and make ‘useful’ suggestions about getting back to the gym.



I’m a size 12 now, but I have a flabby belly which neither of us likes. We’re currently building a new house in France complete with a gym which I’ll be hitting with gusto in a bid to banish my fat stomach.



So should a husband ever tell a wife she’s fat? For me, the answer is a resounding no, even if a wife asks the awkward question. It’s humiliating and, frankly, downright cruel. It’s also pointless. A woman knows if she has put on weight.



She just wants you to tell her you adore her, fat or thin. That she’s gorgeous, regardless of her dress size. And, most of all, she wants to believe you.



Tim says: Is it ever OK for a man to tell his wife that she’s fat? I’d say it’s essential. I like attractive, physically fit women and I’ve always appreciated Emily’s figure. She’s got a great bum and gorgeous, willowy legs, but there have been times when she’s filled out.



After she’d had Henry, I wasn’t overly careful about hiding my horror that she suddenly had rolls of fat everywhere. Still, if anyone else dared comment negatively on Emily’s figure I’d be the first to leap to her defence. Her body has given us four great children and her flabby tummy is the price she’s paid.

Defender: Despite telling his wife she was fat, Tim says if anyone else dared comment negatively on Emily's figure he'd be the first to leap to her defence



I’M SO GRATEFUL HE TOLD THE TRUTH

Sarah Watts's weight left her feeling unattractive

Sarah Watts, 28, manages an architectural practice and lives in Stowmarket, Suffolk, with husband Matt, 32, a regional manager for a car valeting company.



Sarah says . . .



During a heated row three months ago, seven treacherous words that most men wouldn’t be brave — or stupid — enough to utter left my husband’s lips: ‘Yes, you do need to lose weight!’ Matt held his breath as if he, too, was aghast at what he’d said. Then, on a roll, he added: ‘So why don’t you stop moaning and do something about it?’



Seething that the man who was supposed to love me in sickness and in health, size 12 or 18, could say something so critical, I felt strangely vulnerable. Did this mean he no longer found me attractive? I burst into tears, railing at his cruelty.



But the fact was, I’d asked Matt if I was looking fat most days for the past two years but had never contemplated getting an honest answer. The truth was I didn’t want one. I knew I was fat and I was utterly miserable about it.



I was a size 12 when we met online five years ago. But as happiness and laziness took over, I gained three stone and three dress sizes.



So, the truth was staring me in the face. I just didn’t expect my husband to say as much.



Previously, rather than risk my wrath with brutal honesty, Matt would take me shopping to cheer me up. His bombshell came after one such trip to Cambridge when, empty-handed because I hated everything I tried on, I took my frustration out on Matt.



In the throes of the row, he said he adored me but was tired of me moaning but never tackling my weight.



Eventually my anger and tears gave way to reflection. I realised that Matt’s once-abundant compliments about my curves had long-since stopped, and our sex life had waned because I didn’t like him seeing or touching my body.



Matt Watts says telling his wife Sarah she was fat was no mean feat

Attractiveness in a woman’s mind is intrinsically linked to her size, and when your husband admits that you’re fat, it plants a seed of insecurity about whether you’re losing your hold on him. Will he start looking elsewhere? The irony was that Matt had also gained a couple of stone since we married two years earlier. But instead of complaining, he gave up smoking and started running last November. He now weighs less than when we met.



Even at his chunkiest I wouldn’t have dared pass comment for fear of hurting his feelings. But his telling me I was fat was the best thing he could have done to inspire me.



I started running four times a week. I’m already 20lbs lighter and Matt’s compliments, like my waistline, have returned.



Last week I bought a size 12 coat and Matt told me I looked beautiful. Now, I’m so grateful that he was brave enough to tell me the horrid truth. Had he maintained a polite pretence, I would have got fatter and more miserable.



Matt says: After our wedding in 2012, Sarah piled on weight. Her arms got thicker and her stomach noticeably flabbier. But her constant moaning about her weight was by far the most unattractive thing.



I just dreaded the subject coming up. What’s a man supposed to do when his wife asks him relentlessly if she’s fat — when she is? There is no correct answer.



That day in the car, I’d finally had enough. Discarding all tact and blurting out the truth felt almost like a betrayal but it needed to be said. Otherwise, where would it have ended? With Sarah wearing a size 20-something and risking an early grave through poor health? Our marriage was suffering too as there’d been many a moment in the bedroom when Sarah didn’t want me near her, which was hard to bear.



Now, the physical and emotional change in Sarah is phenomenal. Her chirpiness and confidence are restored — qualities that are infinitely more attractive than a wife who moans about her weight all the time.



I’m proud I have survived to tell the tale of admitting to my wife she was fat. It was no mean feat.

Vulnerable: Sarah was seething that the man who was supposed to love her in sickness and in health could say something so critical



NAGGING ME HAS THE OPPOSITE EFFECT

Claire Williams, 29, is a chef and lives on the Isle of Man with husband Stephen, 30, who has a decorating business, and their children Jacques, five, and John, seven.



Claire says . . .



After a night out two years ago I was ruminating about the size of my thighs and bottom in the bedroom mirror when, very unexpectedly, Stephen snapped: ‘Well it’s your own fault, you have put on a lot of weight.’



I could have thumped him. It definitely felt he’d crossed a line. I’ve never had a problem seeking the honest opinion of my friends, but with your husband there’s just something about that searing honesty that hurts like nothing else. How you look to your husband is bound up your sense of security, which underlines everything in a marriage.



But after my initial incredulity at Stephen’s outburst, I appreciated his honesty. After all, I was a size ten when we met nine years ago but I’ve since gained 3 st — a stone of it since our wedding last summer — and wear a size 14. At 5ft 3ins, I look like a pyramid!



Once he sensed I wasn’t totally averse to the idea of dieting, however, I became his pet project. He became infuriatingly patronising, treating me like a naughty child who needed to be disciplined.





Claire Williams knows she has to lose weight but can't summon the motivation, despite her husband Stephen's nagging



Losing weight is something I want to do for myself. Yet Stephen hides biscuits, takes crisps out of my handbag and replaces them with a banana, and leaves diet milkshakes on the kitchen table as a hint.



Instead of being helpful, it has had the opposite effect: like a petulant child, I feel like stuffing chocolate into my mouth, just to annoy him.



Often if we’re out for a meal he’ll chastise me if I order a pudding or the cheeseboard asking, in this voice that makes me want to punch him: ‘Do you really need that, Claire?’



But I know I’ve got to lose weight. It’s a squeeze to get into a size 14 now and hitting a size 16 is just going to make me miserable.



I’ve just got to summon the motivation.



Cutting a slimmer figure: Claire has gained a stone since the couple's wedding day

Stephen says: Claire moans non-stop about her weight and it drives me nuts. Countless times I’d dropped hints, such as offering to buy her a gym membership, but she didn’t take me up on it. So, in the end, I had to opt for brutal honesty. I love Claire but if she carries on gaining weight I can’t deny it will bother me.



Ironically, I know that if she ever had cause to tell me I needed to lose weight it would upset me. But it would also give me the impetus to do something about it.

