For Peggy Orenstein, the pink thing reached its ridiculous apex during a dental exam, where the dentist asked Orenstein’s daughter, Daisy, to “sit in my special princess throne so I can sparkle your teeth.’’ When, Orenstein asks, “did every little girl become a princess?’’

It’s a question lots of other mothers are asking these days. Especially for those of us who grew up during the flourishing of second-wave feminism, today’s balkanized gender landscape is often baffling and even horrifying. We were raised to believe equality was our birthright, and now we’re watching our daughters face a commercial and cultural tsunami of pink princess shoes, sparkling fairy wands, and makeup for 5-year-olds. Perhaps, Orenstein muses, a princess is just a princess — but more likely, her book convincingly argues, princess culture nudges girls toward a dangerously limited set of aspirations and a self-image built on beauty and pleasantness, not strength, intelligence, or competence.

Orenstein, author of “Waiting for Daisy’’ and “Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self-Esteem, and the Confidence Gap,’’ is an excellent guide through the sparkly territory young girls increasingly inhabit. She begins her journey at the epicenter, talking with a Disney executive who was inspired to create a “Princess’’ product line after seeing a “Disney on Ice’’ show whose audience was full of little girls wearing homemade princess costumes — clearly, as Orenstein points out, “a massive branding opportunity.’’

Today the company’s Princess brand encompasses some 26,000 items that brought in $4 billion in sales in 2009. “We simply gave girls what they wanted,’’ the executive tells Orenstein, but as she points out, “it’s a little hard to tell where ‘want’ ends and ‘coercion’ begins.’’ Just how much the trend is driven by parents is hard to gauge, but what’s clear is that there’s something in the princess culture that appeals to moms and dads — that $4 billion speaks less of piggy banks and more of parental credit cards. So what’s in it for parents? Orenstein posits that the Disney princesses make mothers feel comfortable, even nostalgic (two of the most popular, still, are Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella, from the 1950s), and describes the adult pleasure in giving a child such a toy: “Children’s wide-eyed excitement over the products we buy them pierces through our own boredom as consumers and as adults, reconnecting us to our childhoods; it makes us feel again.’’