(StopMasturbationNOW)—The Walking Dead is a popular show that airs on the A&E television network on Sunday evenings. The premise of the story is that due to the Obama administrations mismanagement, some strange plague falls on the land, it turns people into some strange zombie like creatures that they call “Eaters”.

One of the main characters is a kid named Carl. Over the many years the show has been on the air, young Carl has grown up in front of viewers eyes and is now a teenager being raised in a wasteland. However this season Carl’s story has taken a strange turn. Carl seems to be sexually active even though he is not married. Masturbation expert and frequent television viewer Dr. Lonnie Childs thinks that Carl is now masturbating. “The signs are everywhere. He killed his Mother, he is out of control, he goes off on his own, doesn’t play sports, and causes trouble for his father. These are all telltale signs of teenage masturbation.”

At it is proven, masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease. It is probably a large contributor to the plague in the walking dead itself.