Dear Sister:

Working for the Japanese Adult Video (JAV) industry in Japan has become a rite to passage for a Japanese girl to become a woman; just about every girl pretty enough will end up doing one thing or another related to the industry. JAV industry is the only industry that is actually still growing in Japan, everything else decrepitude of economic stagnation.

There are a lot of JAV recruiters out there, just about on every street corner in Japan. They are constantly on the look out for pretty young females and without any courtship they would just approach us and ask us if we would like to do AV. They are like predators lurking around everywhere. They hang around high schools, colleges, shopping malls; they are everywhere and you can’t miss them. If you are young and pretty enough in Japan, you have most likely been accosted by them at least once.

I didn’t get along with our parents very well while growing up. The constant cold stare, the resentment building inside, the silent treatment. I wanted to become financially independent as soon as possible. I wished someone could take me away. I wanted out!—out of this horrible misery just as much as you were. Back then you were still too young, so I kept you from a lot of things that I thought might hurt you. At the time I was working part time in a fetish Chinese restaurant in the red light district. It was just a regular Chinese restaurant except all the waitresses wore mini skirt Chinese dress. There were nothing “fetish” to it; it was much cleaner than, say, no pan shabu shabu, or some other venues.

Despite the fact that it was a Chinese restaurant, it was actually owned by Japanese, but all the waitresses were Chinese, half of them were international students from China, a few from Taiwan, the other half were married to Japanese men. The wages weren’t so good. Even when customers tipped us, the owner collected the tips and kept to himself. And the waitresses were afraid to challenge him because many of them were working illegally. And there was no exception for me either. In Japan, if you are half-Japanese, then you are not really Japanese. At first I tried to work at a restaurant catering exclusively to Japanese clients, but after one look at my name they rejected me on the ground that I was not pure Japanese. Sometimes I wondered what the hell was wrong with our mother thinking that she could find a better life in Japan. I wondered if I could have turned out a little more normal if I was born poor in a third world country. At least then I could offer to suck Japanese men’s cocks with more dignity. So I decided to try out my luck with the AV industry.

The first time I went to a porn studio:

Once we were there at the designated place, I filed in an application with my name, address, age, as well as shoe size, bra size, waist size, sexual history, etc. They also asked what I was willing to do: oral sex, anal sex, bondage, threesome, water sports etc. The list goes about 8 to 10 pages. All the girls wore only bikinis inside the building while the staffs wore business suits. One curiosity in the building that caught my attention the most was the weighing scale. The scale was under the floor and they would tell me to stand over to the corner; once you stood over there, your weight and height would all be shown electronically on their tables, and no one would even see it. The first time I did it I didn’t even realize what just happened. There were so many very pretty girls along with me and they all went through the same process like I did. It was interesting because JAV industry was probably the only industry that does not discriminate against foreigners in Japan (actually several major AV studios still do not allow foreign women but most do). There were a lot Korean and Chinese women there. Of course some of them are like me, half-Japanese, almost always the product of a Japanese father and a Chinese or Korean mother; but most of them were international students or were here on work visas.

It’s always strange to me to admit that as a woman I know more about porn than a guy, because I was once involved in pornographic productions. It feels weird, unusual, but most importantly, it makes me feel very embarrassed, like being a whore but worse. It’s even worse than being a whore. At least a whore only had intercourse with a client, but a JAV actress in Japan rarely, if ever, only has intercourse. Another thing I heard is Western guys complaining how “fake” JAV productions are. In almost every scene the girls seem to be squealing and it looks as if she is being forced to make those movies. She doesn’t seem to enjoy herself at all. Then they give this bogus theory that it’s because of Japanese culture: a Japanese woman is not supposed to enjoy sex, blah blah blah. Well, there’s this seedy side of JAV industry that you would probably have a very difficult time believing. If it looks like rape in the movie, then it probably was rape during the shoot. In Japanese AV, once you have agreed to shoot a scene, no matter how painful or how uncomfortable you are, you must, under contract, finish the shoot, or else the producers will cross out your name and no one in the whole industry will ever employ you again. It will be like you were dead.

For the first few times I was involved in a bondage production, but not as a star. I was a “penis warmer” because I had only agreed to oral sex and that wasn’t good enough to be a main actress. I was kneeling in the back of the room sucking on the penises of the male actors just before they were ready to go on the stage. I felt very strange at first. There is another beautiful woman, naked and vulnerable, suspended or otherwise tied up, in the next room, and yet they cannot get hard just by looking at her. In stead they needed me to gently gratify them until they get hard and only then they can go to the next room to have sex with the bound actress. Sex industry, it turns out, is just another business, another daily boring job that has no escape. Many of those men were high school dropouts and if they were not working in the porn industry, they would have joined the Yazuka selling drugs or trafficking prostitutes. Those women’s appearance and sexuality made no difference to those male actors. To them, we all looked the same, no matter how pretty or how ugly. It was unbelievable right?

Although I was not a star in those movies, I was very engrossed by what I saw. Those actresses looked so beautiful, so feminine in their bondage, and sometimes I fantasized being in their situations myself, though for a long time I didn’t have the courage to admit. After a few months I decided to try out at another studio and this time I wanted to be the actress on stage and had agreed to more deviant sexual behaviors. Since I spoke Chinese, the producers said that I should be a different character than myself. They asked me to pretend to be a Chinese international student, and speak some Chinese in the movie. Just like westerners, Japanese men like exotic women, women from foreign countries, so they said that way the movie would sell better. It was my first time to break into hardcore porn and it was brutal. First they asked me how to say some words in Chinese, and I introduced myself as a Chinese student. Then they started to undress me, and then one actor pissed in my face, and several guys took turns having sex with me. I didn’t feel anything at all. After the sex scene my whole body felt bruised. I still don’t know if I enjoyed it at all. It was like a test given to me by God and to test my faith in him; I did not feel any sexual satisfaction from that experience.

The first few times were very simple shoots compared to the third one. The third time I was called up by an agent to shoot a very light nude scene with no sex involved and they said I would make 1 million yen. It sounded a little too good to be true and it turned out exactly that way. When I arrived at the parking lot, immediately several men rushed out of the building and started to strip my clothes off. I didn’t understand why they can’t wait until I was inside the building. They stripped me naked right there in the parking lot, with one guy holding all my clothes in his hands, and they carried me inside all the while slapping me and chafing my nipples and my private part. Once inside I was immediately thrown onto a dirty mattress and forced to have sex with the producer. I tried to reason with them telling them that I thought there was no sex scene, but they simply laughed at me and started screaming at me for being so stupid. We paid you so much money just to shoot you naked? Who do you think you are, a goddess? You are not pretty. You are just an ugly and nasty whore. As the producer was having sex with me, the make up artist was simultaneously applying make up on my face. But I was crying and as he pumped in and out of me I was moving up and down on the mattress. Needless to say, it was an impossible task but the make up artist did put some blush and lip stick on me anyway. Maybe you don’t know this, but in Japan no one ever uses condoms, not even in porn. That’s one reason why Japanese prostitutes are only allowed to serve Japanese men; because we believe foreigners might bring STDs; most Japanese prostitutes don’t use condoms either. The only way for a girl to avoid pregnancy is to calculate her period or to take morning after pills or birth control pills. I didn’t expect to have sex so I didn’t take any birth control pills beforehand, so again I told them that I was not on pills, but they ignored me and the producer ejaculated inside me anyway. “So what if you get pregnant? It’s none of our business. You are a dirty public toilet and your parents are ashamed of you. “

After the producer had ejaculated inside me, a dozen of his men started to gang rape me. I was furious and I tried to bite them and kick them, but then a guy with a bamboo stick came out and started to strike me. “If you don’t want to get killed, you better be obedient.” All the while I was being videotaped. They wanted to make the movie as a real rape movie; only later on I learned that this studio had been doing this for a long time, recruiting actresses who were unaware of what they are getting into and then raping them. I was gang raped over three times in a four hour period.



After the first time, they dragged me into the rest room and made me lick the toilet bowl. They told me all the AV actresses had to do it at some point in their career; I might as well do it now. They pushed my head into a bath tub full of very hot water I thought they were going to boil me alive. They kept pushing my head into the water I swallowed several gulps of water and my ears were full of water I couldn’t hear I thought I was deaf. I beat my head like mad trying to get the water out of my head because I thought I couldn’t hear anymore. After the first gang rape and the “shower”, they told me if I am obedient there is just one more scene and they will let me go. I was in hell for the last hour so I believed them I very gently sucked their penises and cooperated with them and let them fuck me and ejaculate inside me. All the men had ejaculated inside me by then and I knew I had to take morning after pills immediately afterward. Sure, I was worried about STDs as well, but I was more worried about pregnancy than catching some diseases. When finally they were all finished, they told me I could go home now, I was so glad it was over I thanked everyone and started to dress. They even showed me the cash they were going to pay me. Though I was furious, businesses was business, and in this business honor and respect for the studio were more important than anything so I had to be reasonable. But it wasn’t over. Just as I was walking into the parking lot, another group of men, yes, a different group, mugged me and carried me back into the building and they started to rape me again. And this time they were even more brutal. They were more violent and one guy with a hammer hit me over my head when I cried out for help. They tied me to a cross and the guy with the hammer started to break furniture next to me. Some of the wood splinters even sputtered on my body and I screamed I tried to tell them there was wood splinter in my flesh but none of them seemed to care. I had been whipped by my father before, and I have been whipped by my boyfriend in high school, but the whipping that ensued after was the most painful time I had ever experienced. The first few hits I could endure. I didn’t even scream, but they kept on whipping me at the same spot it was unbearable. The guy with the whip was trying to make me scream and yes, they were still videotaping everything. They wanted to make it seem as realistic as possible: the rape, the torture, everything. They succeeded in making it as real as possible, because it was real; it was certainly real for me. After they finished whipping me, they dragged me to the roof of the building. It was below zero degrees and I was completely naked. They tied me to a wooden post and started to pour cold water on me. My whole body was shaking from the cold. They poured cold water all over my body and then they would beat me again with sticks and whips. After that they dragged me off the roof and gang raped me again. It was getting dark outside so it must have been over several hours but they weren’t finished; all of them fucked me and again ejaculated inside me. I had lost count of the number of men who had ejaculated inside my anus and vagina—must have been over 20. Then they tied me up again with my arms behind my back and my legs tied together. And then they started to force feed me alcohol. I started to black out and was in and out of consciousness. They carried me down the basement and put me into a glass container. There was a very big and strong woman standing on top of me, and I asked her what they were doing. I was hogtied facing up inside a large glass container like a glass coffin, and on top of the container was two wooden boards lying horizontally over. The woman was standing on the wooden board. I saw the camera man approaching and I asked him what was going on but he was just holding the camera and continued to shoot. When I saw the woman turning backward and her ass was pointing at my face I began to realize what was going to happen, but I still couldn’t believe it because I literally never signed up for this. The effect of the alcohol was starting to kick in and I was losing grip of consciousness. Then a slew of feces started to land on my face and at that realization I started to sob uncontrollably. Several women and men took turns defecating on me. My face, my upper body, my hair, my eyes, my nose and ears were all covered with feces. My feet and hands were tied behind my back and there was no way for me to move away. I knew this type of thing had been done before in JAV, but I never imagined that this was happening to me. The most disgusting thing I ever saw—was when several of the men took a handful of feces from the container I was lying in and put the feces into their own mouths. They told me it was very delicious and urged me to do the same. Two of them got on top of the glass container, took away the wooden board and forced a funnel into my mouth. One of them held the funnel in my mouth and another guy slowly started to dump feces mixed with urine into the funnel. I could never even imagine myself eating my own feces; now I was forced to eat the feces and urines of a hundred strangers. I had swallowed so much feces my stomach was starting to become bloated. The sensation that other people’s feces was now in my stomach made me want to die. When they finally took me out of the glass container I felt like being lifted out of hell and when I recovered my strength a little and regaining more consciousness I found myself lying naked in a plastic-wrapped mattress. Then they gave me my money and told me to go home. I felt maybe it was all a dream but then I looked over my body and saw all the bruises I realized it was not a dream. I was vomiting non stop for several days and my vomit looked like a brownish liquor, so I know it really happened. The producers also gave me the number of a doctor to call in case I have symptoms of infections as well as antibiotics to take. I went to see the doctor they told me to see and he said that “consumption of feces is not hazardous to your overall health and some animals regularly consume feces.” The studio made my ordeal into an AV and it was released into the market, advertised as “4 hour real non consensual rape, scat, vaginal destruction”. I never had the courage to watch my own movie, but I made enough money to move out on my own.

After that time I would never want to do another AV shoot anymore. I was thoroughly traumatized I just wanted to die. I was also fascinated by how many AV actresses in Japan were subjected to the same treatment I had. I did some research on my own, asking my acquaintances, finding out more about the studios, etc. The big name actresses rarely got treated like I was. Most of the time it was the novice actresses, or the foreign Asian women who were treated like this. I had always wanted to believe I was Japanese, but I was half Japanese; and a half Japanese was still considered as a non-Japanese. It didn’t make any difference. I saw several productions in which the women seem to have been genuinely raped and I couldn’t even bare to look at it. And I also started to realize that there were a lot more Chinese women like me in the JAV industry than I had ever realized before. Most of them were not the big named JAV actresses with lots of glamour; most of them remained nameless and thankless in their valiant effort to bring sick pleasure to their audience. But at least we made money, and money was our only form of comfort.

I love you forever.

Your sister

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