Body language is so much fun, don’t you think? I mean can you imagine being able to read what people are really trying to say by the way they move?

I first got interested in reading body language when I was like 15. And I got to admit something, I suuucked at being social.

I used to be the person standing in the corner of a room that was filled with people mingling and making jokes and having fun. Or I used to sit away from everyone talking to 1 friend who usually was my brother or sister. LOL.

But one good thing about me attending to these parties (even if I mostly felt sooo out of place) was that I used to observe EVERYTHING. For example how people moved and touched each other slightly on the arm or shoulder while talking and laughing. I could never do that, I thought to myself. That would feel so damn awkward and they would think I’m weird. How do you even know when it’s ok to talk to someone, let alone give them a friendly hug?

At badminton training I noticed how freely everyone moved (not while exercising but when they were just hanging out together) while I always felt so damn stiff and nervous. And I hated it. I wanted to feel relaxed and confident, you know? Like the people who seemed to know how to be confident, have fun, say whatever they felt like, making jokes and not caring about what anyone thinks.

But how could I tell that they were confident, poised and comfortable just the way they were?

The answer is body-language.

Even when I hadn’t studied the subject, I could tell. We all can. You know, you can as well. You have that feeling about someone and within a matter of seconds you have unconsciously formed an opinion about the person. Just by looking at how they use their body. That’s pretty cool.

Now obviously you aren’t always right about who that guy standing on the other side of the room really is before you actually get to know him. But body-language can tell you a lot about a person.

After studying the subject for many years I found out some really amazing stuff that I would love to share with you. Maybe you can use it in your day to day life to become more likable by understanding what’s truly going in someone’s mind. These 5 facts are presented by Joe Navarro, a nonverbal communication expert.

When you see someone purse their lips, something isn’t right. This gesture usually means that they aren’t really agreeing with you and it can also show anger See the picture of the kid above for the perfect example :-). Knowing this, you could maybe say “I can see that you aren’t agreeing with me, I would like to hear what you think”. Biting your lips. When you bite your lips it’s usually because you’re trying to relax yourself, because you’re feeling stressed out. Interesting research on blind children about body language. In 1974, Navarro studied children who were born blind. And in the study he found that when the children heard something they didn’t like, they covered their eyes, not their ears. Navarro explains how this behavior goes back millions of years. So when you ask your colleague, friend or a family relative a question and they start to get some imaginary itch on the eye you know they didn’t like the question. Your feet never lie. Next time you’re having a conversation, keep an eye on their feet. Which direction are they pointing at? So for example if you’re noticing that your friend is talking to you while his feet are pointing sideways, you now know he needs to go or worse wants to leave. You can also remember, when you are fully engaged in a conversation with a person, your entire body will usually be directed towards him or her. If on the other hand your feet are slightly pointed to the side along with your body, it means your attention is somewhere else. Head tilt. When you’re friend or even a stranger tilts their head while talking to you, it means that they are receptive to you and what you’re saying. And yes it does mean the girl is interested in you, if you are a guy reading this. I often tend to tilt my head unconsciously when I say hi with a stupid grin on my face to babies on the train or in the bus. Do you also do that? Now you know why.

I want to add a really powerful way to make someone like you. And it’s all about being present.

Have you ever felt very good about someone you just met for no apparent reason? I bet you the reason was as simple as them being present.

Presence means truly caring, listening and even feeling the other person; it’s when all your attention is only focused on the person in front of you.

In other words you’re NOT thinking about how you’re looking forward to the weekend or busy secretly judging this person for what you think they meant when they said that thing. I think you know what I mean.

So here are a few tools you can use to be more present with every person you meet, today.

Greet a person like a dog greets you. Ok, I’m not asking you to start licking their hands and jumping up and down BUT it does make a difference if you greet a person with love, just like dogs do. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t feel like the most special person on earth by the way a dog greets them. Therefore I think they are a great example. So greet your friend or a stranger with a huge smile and act as if you already know them, they’ll most likely love it. Make others feel special. I know a woman who has the ability to make friends anywhere she goes. She is always the center of attention (in a positive way not self centered way) and everyone just seems to love being around her. She attracts people of all ages like a magnet. And the reason for that is what I believe because she cares so deeply about others and she isn’t afraid to express it with her body and heart. She loves making everyone feel special. Making another feel special can be as simple as smiling at them, with love (not a fake smile). Or like we talked about before, listening with all your attention and not interrupting while they are talking. Also, think about the ways you feel special. Try doing the same thing on someone else. Smile and keep your hands on your sides (Don’t cross your arms). This is simple. Do you like when people smile at you when you first meet them? I bet you do. We all do. So smile with all your heart and keep your body relaxed. If you feel shy it’s ok, just breathe. Crossing your arms indicates that you are not open to the person you’re talking to or to what they’re saying. You want to remove the barriers between you and the other person so there becomes room for a connection. How can someone connect with you when you are being defensive? Listen as if what they’re saying is the most important and interesting thing you have ever heard. Use your body and show that you are engaged and that you care. Lean a bit forward without getting in their face because this shows interest. Ignore your cell-phone and other technical distractions. In today’s world, I believe this shows a lot of respect and everyone likes to be respected. If the topic they’re talking about is unknown to you, be curious and ask questions. You will instantly become more likable to the other because you’re showing a genuine interest in them and they’ll want to return the favor.

So there you have it. There are obviously many more ways you can use body language and indeed these are just few of them. I try to use all of these things consciously now because I was tired of feeling like a social outcast. I don’t know for what reason you might want to learn more about body language but it is definitely a very powerful way to make an impact on others. So use it for good please.

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Choose to be happy,

Selma