See a pattern here? Do or say something that's batshit crazily offensive, like refusing to serve pizza to a gay couple, then complain when the not-insane world says nasty things about you and boycotts your establishment, then set up a GoFundMe page so other goobers who share your smarmy beliefs can send you a few dollars and feel good about being the bigots that they are.

We're used to that in Arizona, where for years Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has operated a Legal Defense Fund that allows haters from all over the country to put their money where their racist mouth is. Currently Arpaio is in the middle of a contempt hearing, which is not looking good for him, and his fundraising campaign echoes the victimization of the GoFundMe scams: Obama, the Feds, the media and liberals everywhere are out to get me! Here's your chance to stand up for America, for the flag and decent [i.e., white] people everywhere! Please send $25, $50, or more.

As Sarah Palin taught the world, a grifter's gotta grift, and the latest installment in the Do-Dumb-Shit-Then-Exploit-Hate category is Jon Ritzheimer, the anti-Islam screwball who organized his rally of hate at the Islamic Community Center of Phoenix last Friday. More than 800 armed bikers, skinheads, Islamophobes, white supremacists, anti-immigration clowns and other fine citizens RSVP'd on Ritzheimer's Facebook page to say they'd attend his Muhammad cartoon drawing contest, where everyone was encouraged to bring a gun, but only about 250 showed up and they were greeted by "messages of love" from an equal number of counter protesters. Today at the same site a large unity celebration is planned. (Speaking of love, read this story about Muslim haters who were invited into the mosque on Friday.)

Now Ritzheimer says he is taking his family and going into hiding, because he's been threatened. Surprise! Surprise! Wear a "F*ck Islam" T-shirt on mosque property, shout profanity at the worshippers, wave your guns in children's faces, go on CNN's Anderson Cooper and say the most vile and stupid shit about a religion practiced by 1.5 billion people, and then express shock when people threaten you? I certainly don't condone the threats, but neither did the Phoenix mosque deserve the threatening letters it has received.

Ritzheimer stuck his bigoted chin out and now somebody's taking a swing at it. He said himself that he knew his actions were akin to poking a stick in a hornet's nest, yet he maintained all along that the reason he wants all Muslims deported, the reason he took up this cause and organized the event, was to "keep his children safe." Bonehead! There are a lot of things that might hurt his children, from a bicycle accident to slipping in a bathtub, but being attacked by Islamic extremists is not one of them — unless of course you do something to agitate said extremists.

To facilitate his flight to who knows where, KPNX reporter Brahm Resnik says Ritzheimer has set up a GoFundMe page where he hopes to raise $10 million. Most of us could probably disappear with a lot less, but Ritzheimer says if enough cash flows in, he's also considering a run against Sen. John McCain. Let me get this straight: On the one hand he wants to disappear in order "to provide security for my family," yet he's also thinking of entering a very high-profile US Senate race — not exactly the best way to hide. (In case he doesn't know it, Cliven Bundy's BFF Sen. Kelli Ward may take on McCain in the GOP primary, and boy-howdy does she have the nutjob coalition already sewed up.)

Shortly after Resnik tweeted the news about Ritzheimer's GoFundMe page, it was taken down and it's still not operational. On his Facebook page Ritzheimer says he's appealing its removal and his fundraising campaign is "not totally dead in the water," and then he ends on this note:



I've decided that if I die, it will be as a free man, and not as a coward. You will not find me in a hole like we found Saddam Hussein. I'm going to keep living free but keep my protection close and near. I'm a Marine and we don't run and hide. We hunker down in our fighting hole and we stick it out!

So, we won't find him "in a hole like we found Saddam Hussein," he'll just "hunker down in our fighting hole." Tell me again, which is the good hole?