As St Kilda and Sydney Swans prepare for the AFL’s Pride Match on Saturday evening, so are a few transgender and non-binary players in Australian Rules leagues across the country. AFL Pride Week brings with it an opportunity to celebrate the diverse contributions at grassroots level that are made by openly queer, lesbian and bisexual players, coaches and volunteers.

My club – Melbourne University Women’s Football Club – is one of many across the country that are making safer spaces for openly transgender and non-binary players such as me to participate in the game. Most clubs aspire to values such as leadership, inclusivity and diversity but it is when those virtues are tested that the real mark of the work football communities do is measured. My three seasons in women’s football have been a journey – not only for me, but for some of my teammates at Mugars – about what trans players bring to the game and how we belong in football.

Footy as a trans player hasn’t always been welcoming. Mentally preparing for transphobia is an additional part of my game day preparation. While most in the football world are overwhelmingly supportive of trans inclusivity, it’s clear that some still do not accept us. That has been difficult to manage. What I’d give to play a game where I won’t be clocked by someone as “bloke” – and just be a centre half forward trans woman.

Some opposition players, officials and spectators see fit to make their own crude conclusions about my on-field presence, leading to anything from a complaint by a club president in my first game, to crowd ridicule and verbal abuse from opposition players. In the moments when things got tough, I’ve always felt reassured by my club, my teammates and the Victorian Amateur Football Association – all of which have my back.

Regardless of the AFL’s gender policy that protects the rights of transgender players to participate at all levels of competition, there is still confusion at some clubs about what is required for trans players to register; namely what constitutes the gender affirmation process.

Despite the AFL declaring publicly that surgery is not a prerequisite for transgender players to participate, this is not universally understood and accepted. This leads to incidents of vilification, players being turned away and accusations of clubs fielding trans players having an unfair advantage. In my case, it’s been accusations that I’m a man – and that’s been too hurtful to ignore – triggering my trauma and dysphoria to the extent that some weeks I cannot train or play.

It’s not the same experience for all trans players, but talking about the unique issues gender diverse players face leads to better community education, and enables us to enjoy the game with the respect and integrity we deserve.

There is much work to do beyond pride game initiatives that the AFL can take a lead in. Assisting leagues in advocacy and education through gender diversity guidelines leads to a safer environment for all players. Giving representation to gender and sexually diverse players and administrators will change the game for the better and give the AFL, leagues and clubs the resources and knowledge it needs to see that cultural change can happen at all levels of the game. Eventually, we hope trans and non-binary players will take the field at elite levels.

The AFL can also act with more conviction when the media falls into transphobia. Respectful journalism is a good start; seeing ourselves reflected in the discussion remains the best force of change – more pictures of transmisogynists and their noise does not. Well intentioned scoops, paired with editorialised clickbait on “the first trans player is coming” narrative feed a perverse theatre of coming out that only benefits onlookers. This fascination furthers an elite view of the male/female gender binary with normative body and beauty expectations causing harmful stereotypes of what trans people “should” look like. That doesn’t help trans players step up each week in our local competitions. Like all players, we come in all shapes and sizes – and coming out is about welcoming and making space for people to thrive.

I’m surviving transphobia when I’d rather just play footy. If we’re really serious about creating safer football clubs and crowds, we’d give every trans player the respectful communities they deserve: communities that simply allow them to rise through the ranks like anyone else (and minus the salacious inquiries about our bodies) and take it one week at a time.