First off, my name is not Kes Allen, although I do answer to it. It my nom de plume, my pen name, the identity I hide behind. Don’t worry, you will soon see why.

You see, I’m Bi. I like guys almost as much as I like women. I like the look, feel, heck, even the taste of guys. I have known of my liking for guys since I was 8..I’d learned that girls were pretty nice a couple years before. But there was a problem.

I live in the South…I like to call it the “Bible Beltbuckle”. Land of Bibles and sweet tea. Also a land where, if you don’t swing the “proper” way, you are consigned to a condescending ostracism at best and hell’s fire at worst. A land where liking someone of a different ‘race’ ( always thought the race was “human”..but I’m damned, so what do I know?) was bad enough, but actually liking the same sex? That’s the quick path to damnation. So, I hid. I was told that playing “that way” with other boys was bad, so I hid. Get an erection when your best friend ( at the time) stepped out of the shower? Laugh it off with a Playboy…and hide. This has gone on for years. Oh, I would dicreetly find some playmates, as it were. And I had a friend for a few years who would experiment with me…but he drifted off and got married, while stayed in the combat zone.

What made it worse was not the hiding, but my self-denial. I couldn’t have gay tendencies! My family and friends said it was wrong! Scripture said it was an abomination, and I am good Christian! So I hid it as best I could. While there would be occasions where I could engage in some decidedly non-hetero encounters, afterwards there would be such disgust and self-loathing that I couldn’t even bear the sight of myself in a mirror. What I was doing was vile, disgusting,a sin against God…all the usual revilings. There were some girlfriends, by the by, partly because it was “expected”, but also because I honestly wanted to be with them…two in particular, women who will always have a special place in my Mystery Heart.

Things are a bit different now. I’m staring 40 in the face, not there yet but it’s getting steadily closer. I’m at a point where finally – finally – I can accept me for me. I can say, to myself at least, “I am bisexual, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.” I am still so far in the closet I have rental property in Narnia, mind, but I’m slowly getting there. This is my journey, my tale, my saga. Here I will chronicle my journey from scared mouse in the cupboard to an open, active, and most of all, confident guy. Here I will regale you with stories of what I have learned, both about myself and about others’ influence on me. Here..I will explain why I coconut rum is superior to Mad Dog 2020 and why import beer rocks. Maybe a recipe or two, my love og geeky crap and the odd photo. Won’t you join me?

Kes – Next to the Greatcoats.