While the Khmer Rouge ruled from 1975 until 1979, the princess, known to her old friends as Lola, shared the fate of Cambodia's people. With her husband, a physician, and their five children, she was driven out of Phnom Penh during the great forced exodus from the cities and made to labor in the fields.

On Aug. 8, 1976 - ''Oh, I remember dates,'' the princess said in a hollow voice - her husband and three of their daughters were taken away to be executed. A fourth daughter disappeared without trace; a son, now 15, survived.

''You wouldn't have recognized me when I arrived in Phnom Penh on March 23, 1979, after the liberation,'' she said, laughing at herself. ''I was black, not like a princess.''

Dark skin in Cambodia is often associated with rural people, who spend their lives under the cruel sun. 'I Paid a High Price'

''I thought life no longer interested me,'' she went on. ''I wanted to stay in a pagoda. We were liberated, but the flag was still red.

''But I saw the people coming back -crippled, blind, haggard. I said to myself, I come from the same regime as they, but I have a richness that Pol Pot couldn't take from me - my culture. I had paid a high price to become like them.

''I know the suffering of women who have lost their husbands and children. That is what made me decide to stay. My presence is more important here than abroad.