So there you are, diploma in hand, freshly graduated from Local Forest U. You minored in conversational Druidic (always a smart career move), and you’ve picked up all the best spells—the sort that high-powered adventuring firms want from an entry-level employee. You even interned with a flock of geese, so your resume is full of buzz words like “teamwork,” “synergy,” and “delta formation.” You get snapped up by a recruiter within a month.

Everything is great at first. Your supervisor writes glowing reports about your healing magic, and your first mission goes off without a hitch. Goblin infestation wasn’t your concentration, but it’s solid experience for a young up-and-comer. Then it comes time to loot the place.

“Did no one buy rope?” says Throgmar in Purchasing. “Typical. Hey Druid! Can you do us a favor and wildshape a snake? We’ve got to haul a Table 3-13 type treasure chest out of a pit.”

And of course you say yes. You’re a team player after all. More to the point, you haven’t earned the clout to say no. So you tie yourself in knots to please the Management. It’s murder on your spine, but the treasure is out and you’re the hero of the hour.

“Hey Druid! Wolves killed our pack mule. Random encounters are murder in the third quarter, you know? Be a pal and slip into this harness.”

It’s just the once, you think to yourself. Anything to help the company!

Then when you’re halfway back to town, the senior rogue in Accounting hops onto your back. He shouts “ya mule!” and talks about “breaking in this jackass.” The rest of the team laughs and you hee-haw to fit in, but the shame begins to creep in. You’ve let them make you one of those druids, and now you’ve got a choice to make. Do you report the incident to HR, or do you hope it gets better?

Well to all the druids out there, know this: It doesn’t just get better. You’ve got to stand up for yourself. You’ve got to put your hoof down and say, “I may look like a small or medium sized Beast when I wild shape, but my feelings are humanoid. I am an equal member of this team, and I will not be treated like an animal.” You may have to endure eye rolls and jokes around the water cooler once you’re back at HQ. “Geeze, can’t Druid take a joke?” But your self-respect is more important than any job. Hold your head high, and remember that you were hired for skills other than your physical form.

…

Question of the day. What wild shape hijinks have you encountered in your games? Have you ever suffered indignity due to a temporary physical form? Let’s hear it in the comments!

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