Let’s take a bit of a break from ISIS lighting people on fire and talk about some uniquely First World problems. We will get back to how this is all related in a second.

Seems that some guy named “Gluten Dude” has his panties in a twist over the fact that someone in the advertising community thought it would be fun to poke a bit is fun at the gluten free wussies that seem to have cropped up in the last 5 years. Got himself a petition going about it online because he is angry that NBC made fun of gluten free people being wusses.

“I think about all of the gluten-free children getting bullied for being ‘different,’ when all they want to do is feel better and fit in. I think about all of the people who have gotten sick at restaurants because the kitchen and/or the staff do not take us seriously. I think about all of those walking around undiagnosed and suffering because they only listen to what is in the media. I think about all of the people in the past who have died prematurely when going gluten-free MAY have been their saving grace.”

Oh… The… Humanity…

The fact that “Gluten Dude” was “offended” tells me exactly the depth and type of whining pansy that “Gluten Dude” is. This ad makes me want to watch NASCAR, and I hate it.

The bounty of America is so plentiful that we First World dwellers have to invent our traumas. Gluten Dude is the symptom of a larger problem; which is that Americans don’t seem to be the tough types that they were (in general) as little as 20 years ago. This is bad news for not only America, but the world in general.

I like that “Gluten Dude” didn’t have much to say about the possible things that were also included in the ad; like disdain for Participation Trophies and the mention of men and women competing “never” and the bleeping of a profanity. I am sure though that he has an equally offended opinion regarding these topics.

As I mentioned before, this is a uniquely First World problem. My husband, who always carried candy in his pocket when he was overseas, told me that one of the ways that he got intelligence when they were on patrol was to give kids candy. Kids in other parts of the world don’t get much candy, if any at all, so you would think that this causes tummy problems when large America SOF types are handing it out for free.

Turns out though, not one of them had an allergy to dairy, eggs, peanuts, chocolate, or gluten. Mostly, from the looks of them and the pictures he took of those kids, they were allergic to starvation.

I don’t defend NBC, well, ever. They just used what is in the popular culture, and that is the perception that most of the people who are “gluten free” are also the same people you wouldn’t find watching NASCAR, owning guns or on a Special Forces team. My husband told me once that in all of his time in the military, he never saw anyone who was on the bad-ass list that ever said “No man, I don’t want that Ham Slice MRE, give me the veggie one.” All of the people I have met in my life who are “gluten-free” can be condensed down into two groups; over-imaginative soccer moms who overreact to every hiccup of homeostasis in their child and gay men on a diet so they aren’t so “puffy.”

The point of the ad is pretty obvious to those of us who understand how to turn on a TV set; stop being a wuss and start watching NASCAR on NBC. The fact that “Gluten Dude” took the opportunity to be offended because someone called him out for getting a tummy ache when he eats a bagel. My guess is that “Gluten Dude” has some larger issues in play.

Listen Gluten Dude, if your system is kicking back a bagel, you got bigger problems than food allergies. And so does the world, because groups like ISIS and the North Koreans know exactly who they stand a good chance of facing off against, because our enemies know that if guys like “Gluten Dude” who live in America don’t have the stomach for gluten, they certainly don’t have the stomach for a fight.

People like “Gluten Dude” aren’t allergic to gluten. They are allergic to freedom.