As the actual Avengers are headed off to undo the Snappening (or whatever you call it, just not “the decimation” which is generic and technically wrong), here at AfXI we thought we’d suss out which NWSL teams were which Avenger. We’re working solely within the Marvel Cinematic Universe here, so please don’t well-actually us about the comics or TV characters. We had to draw a line somewhere or else we’d be spending multiple nights on slack arguing over the finer details of why or why not a team is Squirrel Girl. (It’s the Courage, the Courage are Squirrel Girl, because they’re unbeatable.)

Chicago Red Stars - Guardians of the Galaxy

They’re a known threat, but also not the most powered-up player on the field. They have really exciting pieces and they often work together to form something that’s way more powerful than their individual parts. There’s also a decent amount of shenanigans and tomfoolery happening; Alyssa “Uncle” Naeher appears to be the Gamora keeping the group from descending into utter stupidity.

Houston Dash - Valkyrie

Bouncing back from recent difficulties, they have a lot of upcoming potential, plus some fresh new support that could make a ton of difference in how they move forward.

North Carolina Courage - Thor

They’re an incredibly powerful juggernaut with a serious complex around their worthiness that pushes them to perform incredible feats of strength. That niggling thought in the back of their head that today could be the day they can’t bring down the hammer only makes them try to ensure that every day is hammer day.

Orlando Pride - Ant Man

A perennial under-performer that should hit much harder than they do, but nevertheless with a lot of admirers and the eternal hope that one day they’ll knock it out of the park. They goof a lot, but they’re trying to stop goofing so much and have a steadier day-to-day for the sake of the people relying on them.

Portland Thorns - Iron Man/Tony Stark

Powerful, popular, and (comparatively) rich, they can be an acquired flavor; to outsiders, they appear arrogant and dismissive, but to their friends and allies, they’re generous and ride-or-die.

Reign FC - Wasp

They’re one of the more cerebral teams out there, but also with a bit of bite. They’re smart but they can kick you pretty hard if you get on their bad side or if things get dire.

Sky Blue FC - Spiderman

They’re your friendly local team doing their absolute best, even when they’re the extreme underdog. You can’t help but root for this little guy. Plus their friend Portland/Mr. Stark sent them beer money to help with their supporter group’s first tailgate of the season.

Also thanks to everyone who sent us beer money! pic.twitter.com/nCuOEOBuzX — Cloud 9 (@Cloud9SBFC) April 20, 2019

Utah Royals FC - Black Widow

They’ve got skills and a head coach who makes people nervous even when she’s not doing anything particularly sinister. There are definitely more powerful players out there, but they might yet maneuver their way into causing unforeseen trouble.

Washington Spirit - Hawkeye

Poor Washington. They’re trying their best to hang in there, but sometimes at the end of the day they’re just a guy with a stick and string at a superpower fight. Still, they have some big trick arrows (that Lavelle arrow is a real doozy... if they manage to get the shot off) that can swing the little details of a fight in their favor.