Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

I opened my eyes a touch reluctantly this morning and began to read my e-mails in bed.

It was raining outside and the fog was thicker than "War And Peace."

Microsoft, however, wanted to cheer me up. It sent me an e-mail with the subject line: "You deserve something better."

"How sweet," I thought. "I'm not sure I actually deserve something better, but, you know, if you're offering, why would I not listen?"

I eagerly opened the e-mail and then recoiled a touch. For there was a picture of a half-eaten apple that looked like it had been sitting on a nightstand for a couple of days.

Beside it were the words: "Ditch that old apple."

Well, who wouldn't ditch a decrepit old fruit like that? But why had Microsoft chosen me for this slightly unedifying morning greeting?

The copy began: "You deserve something better."

"Yes, so you said. Please tell me you've had a chat with you-know-who about you-know-what and got you-know-somewhere," I mused.

But no. Instead, it explained that I needed something better like "the Nokia Lumia 1020 with a 41 MP camera. Trade in your iPhone 4S and get a Nokia Lumia 1020 or 1520 for free with a 2-year contract."

I was rendered marginally insensate. Which isn't so difficult at 6:47 a.m., but still.

I do like the Lumia. I've always liked Nokia phones. But I'm one of those people who is embedded in the Apple ecosystem and has, at least for the couple of years I've had an iPhone, insufficient reason to leave.

But what made me scratch my eyebrow and crinkle my nose was that I don't have an iPhone 4S. Why would Microsoft think I have one?

In fact, I've never had an iPhone 4S. I've owned an iPhone 4 and an iPhone 5. That's it.

Microsoft is much better feisty than flaccid. It's enjoyable that it wants to put up a fight, even if, at times, the stance is a touch gauche.

But if you're going to express a "rise and shine" to someone first thing in the morning, it's as well not to offer them a rotting apple or get their basic particulars wrong.

Every college student knows that.