I am often asked: how can I make sure I get home safe after I am pulled over by the police? Following the killings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, I feel I should know the answer to that question – but I don’t.

You might think I’m the ideal person to answer: I served four years in the US Marine corps’ version of Swat, and 11 years as a Baltimore police officer, detective, sergeant and shift commander. I’ve participated in innumerable car stops, 400-plus arrests and every training event that I could. And yet, I have no idea how to respond to that basic question.

Following Castile’s death, my friend, Frank MacArthur tweeted: “Brother got gunned down for no reason. He had a burned out tail light. Complied. Did EVERYTHING cop asked. STILL not good enough. For America.” He is right. Based on what we know from available reports, Mr Castile did nothing that could have jeopardized his life. There is nothing he could have done differently.

It is frustrating that I cannot offer foolproof advice on how to stay safe from taxpayer-funded state-sanctioned violence. You can run, or not run. Make eye contact, or avoid eye contact. Assert civil rights, or be submissive. There simply is no rule on how to stay alive when you interact with the police. And that is a problem.

Police legitimacy is built upon trust from the community and is what enables the rule of law. The very fabric of our society depends on all of us caring about the victimization of others. That is why I cannot answer the question of what the oppressed should do when engaged by the police to ensure they do not get killed. The question is irrational. It is up to the privileged and the oppressors to ensure the question is never asked.

The thin blue line is supposed to be what holds society together, but it has become what divides us. The country needs the good cops to make a stand. They swore, just like I did, to protect and serve. But too many fail to do that.

As a public leader for civilian-led police reform and an unapologetic participant in the fight for equal justice and Black Lives Matter, I have been fighting to actually fulfill that promise.

There are things police officers across the country can push for, right now. The thing that would have the most impact is an end to the drug war. This may not seem related, but the push for aggressive police actions escalated with the start of the drug war and continues to be enabled by it. The drug war is the main driver of the “us v them” mentality: it makes us an invading force.

We should join the call for civilian oversight. Police officers follow the direction of politicians and political appointments; this results in serving a few instead of the many. These things are easy to see with data and a little reason; what is difficult is changing the culture.

Ideas like “we don’t make the laws, we just enforce them” or “it is not our job to get hurt” or “there’s one gang and that’s us” – all these types of thoughts pit us against those we are serving.

We must fight the denial and see that it is our responsibility to protect the lives of all families and communities that we serve. We must see that throughout our criminal justice system, the overt and implicit bias factors of being black, brown, poor, Muslim, LBGTQ – to name just a few – invade and corrupt every aspect of justice. And police are the front line of this exchange.

In order to actually serve the community, we must combat these biases in our system that destroy justice. Focus our fight on the causations of crime, such as lead poisoning, public health, imprisoned communities, lack of resources, regressive taxation, marginalization and the other aspects of life that push people to crime. We must have our own version of the Hippocratic oath. We must understand that the hero is the one who hesitates to pull the trigger.

We have spent the history of American policing telling people what we will do to them for their own good. It should have been predictable that this model would lead to a tyrannical collection of power. I ask officers across the country to learn every family name, be honest, be human, see what their concerns and needs are. See what they need from you. Attend a Black Lives Matter protest, you are supposed to be serving them. Join me in integration, not occupation.