Artist, Designer, and Fabricator of Penguicon Trophies for 2018 not listed, but David Rosian did take a picture of them.

Hey Penguicon!

Feb here.

This is not my Ted Talk.

This is my real talk, but it could be a ted talk. It should be. I got turned down for TedXDetroit. The time is now! I am not going to miss my shot!

Ok! This is my fucking TED talk.

I tried to work with the board and the 2019 concom to publish this open letter. Neither have responded. I am getting mocked by previous board members in group.

I am going to send this to the world.

Hopefully it treats me well.

I got some good feedback on it.

<I_am_gonna-wreck_it.gif>

February says “Hey Google: Play “Let it Happen” by Tame Impala”

The apology

The board did nothing to me.

The board did everything for you, the attendees, as they promised to do.

The board gave me a gift.

I am currently incapable of running a small windup toy.

Being responsible to managing the hopes, dreams, and fears of 2k attendees for the best little con in the whole world is inescapably beyond me right now.

The board once again saved Penguicon.

They are amazing at doing that.

Thank you for recognizing what I have failed to recognize.

I am unfit to run Penguicon 2020.

I am sorry it came to this drama lama ding dong.

It was my fault it did.

I apologize for that hurt I caused.

I am recognizing my penchant for drama.

I need to seek consent for it.

The Pattern

These reports.

This pattern of behavior.

This is a real thing.

I am guilty, as an attendee, of clawing in as much resources to deliver “my penguicon”.

I pursued glamour projects out of self interest.

I took on more than I could handle year after year.

My first year I brought 100 3d printed hands to assemble and a robot that shot tribbles.

My last year i brought a battlebots setup that taxed dozens of volunteers, a drone race that upset several municipalities, and some aggressive and highly emotive feelings about delivering what I wanted. Feeling Penguicon owed me for my work. The price of sharing my wonderful vision with Penguicon. That is fucked up ❤.

Penguicon owes me nothing. No reasons. No apologies. No check ins. No holding space. No love.

I have taken advantage of Penguicon’s amazing heart.

That behavior is not uncommon for me.

I am working on it.

I will do so for the next 18 months.

There is no place at Penguicon for me during this time.

Unless they will accept a silly ass panelist and attendee.

I started to covet the heart of Penguicon.

It was precious to me.

Take it back.

I am unworthy of it.

Thanks!

<“weird_gif_of_a_penguin_opening__box_with_tron_guy_in_it.gif”>

< “Take this, the “heart” of penguicon, may it glow with the light of ten thousand suns and lead others to the safe harbor the attendees continue to provide. May it Make Penguicon Safe Again”>

Moving On

“Hey google, play Hey, Hey, My, My into the black”

The attendees who both stood up for and against me being removed as #chair2020 are amazing.

You all are Penguicon

You keep the board in place.

You fill the shelves with Faygo (great idea, btw).

You get tshirts on the backs of volunteers.

You handle escalations

You clap wildly for brilliant ideas

You teach others

You taught me so much

You should be conchair 2020

Do it!

For me to ask you all for anything is bullshit. I am privedged

I am not an ambitous transperson just hoping to get a chance in a tough world.

I am settled.

I have a wonderful life.

I arrived years ago and got my chance on the grandstand.

I have sent that elevator down to a many people over the years and I will continue to do so.

I hurt the community

I benefatted* from Penguicon way more than it will benefit from me.

I have done damage to Penguicon

I don’t deserve to serve in administrative role at Penguicon.

I have demonstrated a pattern of self serving behavior, various consent violations, aggressive enthusiasm, childlike tantrums, and failing to recognize, ever, when it was time to “let go and let GOLB.”

< “ GOLB”>

I need to be quiet

I got dozens of PM’s to slow my roll from people I trust

I need to wrap this up

I have other projects to take on

Farewell you sillies

<”Where is my mind” by the pixies starts playing in the distance. The really good instrumental one. The one that always make me cry. I think it is coming from an ice cream truck. Nope. It is a memory. From a failed project. Lakes of Fire Theatre. Gosh, This is failure porn now. Isn’t it? ❤ Get some ❤>

Nope.

Nope.

No tears.

Every Chair cries at closing ceremonies.

Not this tough, beautiful, bitch.

Not fucking me.

No crying in fucking baseball.

Not Now.

Later

And a Lot

Farewell Penguicon.

Thank you to the board and the 2019 concom who stood up to do the right thing in a tough circumstance.

Attendees deserve better an attendees will get it!

Penguicon is happening in 83 days from now.

I can’t wait.

Love you lots,

February

Potential 2019 Penguicon Panelist

Potential 2020 featured guest

*this should totally be a word.