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Take them to a counselor (a psychologist or psychiatrist) who has some expertise in sexual abuse type issues. Unfortunately, our society has promoted the notion of "friends with benefits" - where two people are friends (but not dating each other) and they both want to have sex, so they have sex with each other with no strings attached. It has really devalued the sex act and disassociated it from love. Frankly, I would not be surprised if, to their way of thinking, they both wanted to have sex with someone, and neither were in a relationship, and so, why not? They don't understand the serious harm this does to them. They probably don't understand that if the birth control were to fail and she were to become pregnant, that the baby stands a good chance of birth defects like blood disorders (hemophelia, etc.), albinoism, and mental retardation.

This obviously is shocking to you and will be to your wife too. You need the help of someone who is objective and detached from the situation, plus someone who has experience dealing with difficult sexual behaviors. That's where a good councelor comes in. Go in as a family, but they may recommend separate sessions. Your children, initially, may be mortally ebarrased that you are telling their misdeads to a complete stranger (let's hope they have enough sense to know what they did was wrong), but once they get a chance to talk out their issues, maybe the counelor can help them to understand why they are doing what they are doing, and why the need to stop.