Donald Trump. Photo: Mark Wilson/Getty Images

For years now, we’ve all put up with a barrage of degenerate tweets from the man who is our president, trying to glean any sense of process that goes into them; he often launches into one of his signature tirades early in the morning, so some assume he tweets while on the toilet. Still, much of his Twitter protocol doesn’t make much sense. (We all, regrettably, remember covfefe.)

Thanks to new interview in Politico with Justin McConney — the president’s former social-media manager, who helped Trump up his Twitter presence when he was just 24 — we now know more about the president’s creative process, which is just as bad as we feared, if not even worse.

Perhaps most confoundingly: Trump used to have McConney print out his Twitter mentions, then he’d write his responses on paper with a Sharpie pen for McConney to send out from his account. (He’d apparently dictate his non-reply posts over the phone.) Sometimes, Trump would even consult with McConney and Melania to help him, three minds working on a single terrible post.

Just to reiterate, the sitting U.S. president dictated these ludicrous tweets to a 24-year-old, then had him type them up verbatim and press send:

If I’m the third most envied man in America, the small group of haters and losers must be nauseas. — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 15, 2013

Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again--just watch. He can do much better! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 17, 2012

Dummy Graydon Carter doesn't like me too much...great news. He is a real loser! @VanityFair — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 19, 2012

It wasn’t until February 5, 2013, at 8:53 p.m. that Trump learned how to use Twitter himself, after getting an Android phone. His first independently composed tweet was: “Thanks @SherriEShepherd 4 your nice comments today on The View. U were terrific!”

It was a moment that McConney now compares, comfortingly, to carnivorous, devious dinosaurs learning how to operate human machinery. “The moment I found out Trump could tweet himself was comparable to the moment in Jurassic Park when Dr. Grant realized that velociraptors could open doors,” he told Politico. “I was like, ‘Oh no.’”

And here we all are today, fucking doomed because of it.

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