HUNTSVILLE, Alabama – There's been one particularly enlightening thing I've learned in this carpet-bombing of television advertisements leading into next week's election:

Apparently, Barack Obama is running for something in Alabama.

He surely must be, because virtually every TV ad I've seen depicts the candidate as being eager to fight all the evils that Obama has heaped upon us, from the Affordable Care Act to gun control to expansion in the Southeastern Conference.

Half the time, you don't even know what office the candidate is seeking. Whatever it is, inevitably his or her impact in a war on Obama would be like adding one more deck chair to an ocean liner.

Give the campaign experts credit, though. They know the marketplace. They know they're reaching an audience – elephant in the room here – where some people fear or resent a powerful black man. They know fact-checking in TV ads is just an option, not a requirement.

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You've seen the commercials. They're one-size-fits-all:

It opens with candidate with shirt sleeves rolled up, earnestly nodding among a group of citizens more diverse than a box of Crayolas. Then a quick scene where he earnestly smiles as he shakes hands with a farmer. Another scene where he earnestly listens to woman outside a grocery.

The narrator comes on, sounding like the love child of Casey Kasem and the old guy from NFL Films.

"Dave Goodhair is a great American and a great Alabamian. He'll stand up against Obamacare. He'll fight to save Alabama from the left-wing Obama-Pelosi-Clinton conspiracy that threatens our very way of life. Dave Goodhair will keep Obama from breaking into your homes and stealing your guns. He will stop Obama from banning Waffle Houses from serving grits. Dave Goodhair will fight Obama to assure Alabama doesn't fall victim to Pelosi-led Washington insiders who want to raise taxes on live bait and houndstooth caps."

There are quick cuts to an American flag. Then, a three-second screen shot of a newspaper page where the words "Obama" and "evil" are highlighted, even if they come from separate stories.

Then there is the assurance that "Dave Goodhair will create jobs," not elaborating that those jobs will be finding employment on his staff for the daughter of his biggest contributor and his ex-con brother.

Finally, back to the candidate with his family, which apparently got a group discount on dimples.

"Dave Goodhair. American. Dave Goodhair, Methodist. Dave Goodhair, lieutenant, high school ROTC. Dave Goodhair, family man."

Then the graphics that inform us, finally, the office being sought:

"Elect Dave Goodhair. Comptroller, State Department Of Orange Highway Cones. Paid for by Dave Goodhair's rich father-in-law."

Even one of my great right-wing friends Facebook'd the other day, "If you're running for Lt. Governor of Alabama, I really don't care that you plan to 'stand up to Obama.' Tell me what you're going to do to benefit Alabamians. Otherwise, your mail flier is going straight into the recycling bin."

If there is one thing more annoying than the TV ads, it's the robo-calls and polls. I got this one the other day:

"If you were voting for the state school board, for which candidate would you vote for?"

I don't know. Maybe the one in favor of better grammar standards in our schools?

That reminded me of the old joke. A man visiting Harvard asks a student, "Where's the library at?" The student stiffly replied, "At Harvard, we don't end a sentence in a preposition." To which the visitor said, "OK, where's the library at, jerk?"

Now, excuse me. Another Dave Goodhair election ad is on TV. Where's my remote control at?