We’re not often genuinely shocked, readers.

But then we switched on BBC1 Northern Ireland today.

And what we found was the state broadcaster devoting most of its morning schedule to “celebrating the culture” of the 36% of the population of the province who describe themselves as “Unionist”.

[EDIT 13 July: an alert reader points out that according to the latest data the figure is just 29%, with 24% considering themselves “Nationalist” and 46% saying “Neither”.]

This mostly took the form of a 75-minute live programme simply called “The Twelfth”, televising a series of Orange marches in Belfast and Lisbellaw, a small village in Co. Fermanagh, deep in the predominantly Sinn Fein-voting south-west.

But contrary to what one might normally expect from a news outlet required by charter to be impartial, there would be no mention of that fact by the BBC. The entire show passed without even the tiniest passing acknowledgement that the parades might be in any way contentious, or anything other than a delightful and colourful family day out. The exciteable-puppy tone of the reporting was more along the lines of the London Marathon or a Royal Wedding than a gathering of a highly political organisation.

The presenters were especially keen to repeatedly highlight, with open approval, the importance of encouraging young children to take up the banners of bigotry from a very early age to ensure the continuation of “tradition”.

(One interviewee emphasised the use of bouncy castles. Honestly.)

One woman said she didn’t care about anything else – what that “anything else” might have been was coyly avoided – and was only there for the music (which went “BANG BANG BANG PEEP PEEP PEEEEP BANG BANG BANG”, on a loop, forever).

Readers will never guess which Scottish football club was well represented.

The camera lingered lovingly on the standard of the Omagh Protestant Boys.

There was an extended interview segment with a gentleman from the “Gertrude Street Defenders” which gave viewers a detailed guide on the exact procedures for setting up your own Orange Lodge, should you wish to do so.

Nobody was very clear on precisely who they were “defending” Belfast and Lisbellaw from, or who it was they were reluctant to “surrender” to. A casual onlooker might well assume – from the prominence of the word “Protestant” on the banners and flags and drums – that it was Catholics, but nobody wanted to actually say so, or was asked.

Nobody asked why the local shops were all boarded up either.

And nobody played “The Famine Song” this time – at least, not on camera.

We didn’t hear The Orange Hokey Cokey either.

Or the celebratory community’s special adaptation of “I Think We’re Alone Now”.

Fine ancient historical traditions like the military checkpoint were marked.

At one point the BBC actually conducted an interview with “King Billy” himself, as if he were a kindly avuncular Santa Claus-type figure.

Bemused visitors from foreign countries who had no idea what was going on were dragged in front of the cameras to give the “tourist” opinion.

In a break with tradition, several women were allowed to take part in the march.

There was a guest appearance from the fabled Red Honda (Ulster).

The BBC took the chance to unveil the new presenting team for Reporting Scotland.

And tribute band The Protestant Corries.

The broadcast ended with what the presenter, a middle-aged Scottish woman called Helen Mark, described as “A few images that capture the colour and atmosphere of today’s celebrations”, including the selection below.

The South Belfast Young Conquerors were having a ball, though viewers didn’t get to learn what or who they’d conquered.

Surprisingly, the BBC didn’t choose to talk to some of the other attendees who’d come over from other parts of the UK to enjoy the festivities.

And that was that. (Except for the 40-minute highlights show later tonight.)

Almost anything we could say here would be superfluous. We could invite readers to imagine BBC Scotland devoting 115 completely uncritical minutes to live coverage of the recent 20,000-strong Yes march in Glasgow (or the Edinburgh rally in 2012) purely as family events celebrating the centuries-long history of the independence movement. But as everyone knows what they actually do, there’d be no point.

All we can really achieve is to note the event for posterity, because apparently this happens every year but we had no idea until now, when multi-regional iPlayer revealed what the state broadcaster gets up to when it thinks the rest of the UK isn’t looking.

We’re keenly looking forward to BBC America reporting the party atmosphere at the next big Ku Klux Klan event, or maybe getting Nick Griffin to anchor “The Great British National Front Rally” live from Bradford, with swastika face-painting and a singsong from the Junior Blackshirts before burning effigies of minorities.

Because frankly, after this, we’re not sure anything will ever surprise us again.