I will just start by saying, I love Harry Potter more than life. I really do. It’s one of my favorite things in the whole world. It’s a part of my soul.



I was apprehensive about The Cursed Child because in my opinion, the epilogue was the worst thing ever. All I want in the world is a Marauder Era book, but I didn’t get that, I was given this play about the next generation. I love the world of Harry Potter though and so I read it.

But I hated The Cursed Child. It was.. So bad. Guys… Beneath the cut you’ll find mine SPOILER FILLED list of problems with this book.

THE RULES OF TIME TRAVEL ESTABLISHED IN PRISONER OF AZKABAN



There are a couple of generally accepted ways to handle time-travel and its ramifications. The most common is the Bill and Ted method, which is the way it’s handled in Prisoner of Azkaban. Everything that they did when they went back in time had already happened, but they had to go back in time to ensure it happened. It’s a closed loop that can’t be altered. The patronus still saved Harry and Sirius, Hermione still threw the stone at them in Hagrid’s Hut, Buckbeak still lived. Them going back in time was predetermined.

BUT, in The Cursed Child, Albus Severus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy go back in time and cause havoc at the Triwizard Tournament in an attempt to save Cedric Diggory from dying. This results in multiple Alternate Universes, one where Hermione and Ron don’t get together, and one where Voldemort wins the Battle of Hogwarts because Cedric became a Death Eater and killed Neville.

This is inconsistent with how time-travel works in the Harry Potter universe. It’s the main crux for the plotline of this play and it’s completely ridiculous. If time is a closed-loop like it is in Prisoner of Azkaban, then Albus and Scorpius going back in time would have already happened and resulted in the exact same universe that they already lived in. It would be impossible to bring Cedric back. When Harry talked to Amos Diggory, who pleaded with him to bring Cedric back, it shouldn’t have been an issue of Harry not wanting to do that, but of Harry LITERALLY NOT BEING ABLE to do that.

Setting aside the fact that this play was a mash-up of Back to the Future and the worst fan-fiction I can imagine, this is just generally wrong when you compare it to previous uses of time-turners.

2.) BELLATRIX AND VOLDEMORT’S DAUGHTER

In the book, we meet Delphi who at first claims to be the niece of Amos Diggory and therefore Cedric’s cousin. We later find out she is not his niece and she steals the time-turner from Albus and Scorpius when they attempt to destroy it.

We then find out that she is actually VOLDEMORT AND BELLATRIX’S daughter, who was apparently born at Malfoy Manor before the Battle of Hogwarts.

How. Why.

Are we just supposed to accept that Bellatrix was pregnant and it was never mentioned? Are we just supposed to accept that Voldemort is still capable of impregnating someone? Why.

Why?



WHY?

It’s easy to accept that Bellatrix would want to bear the child of Dark Lord but why would Voldemort want to bone her? That doesn’t seem like his MO.

Also, why doesn’t anyone know about this? Why didn’t Lucius know? Or Draco? If it happened at Malfoy Manor, how has nobody ever mentioned this?

3.) THE FIDELIUS CHARM

Toward the end of play, everyone is gathered in Godric’s Hollow the night Voldemort kills Lily and James to try to stop Delphi from telling Voldemort that his curse will backfire. After stopping her, they all watch Voldemort murder Lily and James.

Earlier that day, Albus and Scorpius watch Lily and James take baby Harry out for a walk in his pram.

Canon states that when Lily and James went into hiding when they found out about the prophecy, they put the Fidelius Charm on their house. This is a spell that hides their location from anyone who hasn’t been told where it is by their Secret Keeper. Theirs was Peter Pettigrew who sold them out to Voldemort.

Nobody would have been able to see the house. They would not have been able to watch or hear Voldemort kill Lily and James. And the two would have NEVER taken Harry out for a walk! They were in hiding!

I have a lot more to say about this, but I’m starting to relive the disappointment again and it’s depressing me. I didn’t even have high hopes for this and I was disappointed. It felt disjointed. It was a silly plotline with massive holes and characters that seemed to only share a name with the characters I know and love. Who were these people? Snape and Dumbledore and basically everyone else? It was a painful letdown. What the fuck was with the Trolley Lady who threw pastry grenades? There was so much going on and yet at the same time absolutely no stakes or peril.

I have read fanfiction that’s 100000 times better than this. And I’m incredibly disappointed thinking about how this is apparently canon now.

Read it, if you want. But if I could stop myself from reading it, I would.