BEING good at cricket just felt dirty and sordid, England fans said this morning.

As England finished the first day with Australia on 273-8, fans were seen skulking in downtown Brisbane self-consciously celebrating in the dimly-lit bars of the infamous Sports Pub district.

England fan Wayne Hayes said: There was a card in a phone booth offering relaxing cricket boasting and before I knew it I was screaming The finest team the world has ever SEEN with a bunch of men whose names I didnt even know.

The next morning all I could think about was what I was going to tell my wife when I got home. What if a photo of me smiling and looking confident got back to her?

But todays performance has proven what I knew in my heart all along  Im a misery man and proud of it.

In Australia, where being good at sport has been legal since 1969, revelling in victory is considered socially acceptable and many well-known Australians have been photographed openly enjoying watching cricket in public.

Hayes said: After my experimentation the other night I know this makes me a hypocrite but if any of my kids came home one day and said theyd fallen for Barcelona Id disown them.