IT'S A MASTERPIECE.

To coincide with the Ashes — or, as it turned out, to run well after Australia’s humiliating Ashes defeat — a special documentary has been airing in the UK about Shane Warne. Since the start of the month, Sky Sports has been screening half-hour instalments of the presumably self-titled Shane Warne: Living The Dream.

Sadly, there isn’t much footage of it available online but the clips that have managed to surface are predictably sublime. Here’s the Blondie-soundtracked teaser which features Warnie showing off his totally sick poker table, lazily cruising around St Kilda in a suit and sunglasses as I assume he does every single day of his life, and then being called fat by an old man:

And while this would sate us for any other day — another delicious morsel of absurdity that is his incredibly thirsty, Tinder-filled existence — it doesn’t stop there. Compelling someone to pause the program, rewind, and dutifully stand in front of their television filming while resisting the urge to shake with laughter, is this: a personalised description of a specially-commissioned painting that not only exists in the world, but is currently hanging in Shane Warne’s house.

It features Mick Jagger, Frank Sinatra, Bruce Spingsteen, Marilyn Monroe, and a bunch of other things your dad loves; and it is hands down the most incredible thing you will see today.

It’s hard to decide my favourite part of all this. Is it him and Bruce Springsteen “just chilling in the corner, having a drink”? Is it the fact that Springsteen is also supposedly really interested in cricket? Is it “the legend Mick Jagger just sitting in the pool, chilling”, VB in hand? Perhaps it’s “Frank Sinatra and Muhammad Ali just having a bit of a tune”.

Though the clip tragically cuts off there, there have actually been former sightings of this masterwork and it extends much further. The other half of the painting features Jack Nicholson carrying a slab, a game of poker with what appears to be Sean Connery and some sad looking sportspeople, someone lobbing a piece of meat off the grill to Elvis, and Angelina Jolie forlornly hanging out topless on a chaise lounge.

The painting hanging in @ShaneWarne's study. Hear him as never before @GreatAusLives @1377mymp tomorrow at 5 pic.twitter.com/DbYms9ojNV — Jo Hall (@Jo_Hall9) October 30, 2014

All things considered, I think we can all agree that the best thing about this is actually the thought that at some point in time, at some specially arranged meeting place, after much deep thought on the matter, one of our nation’s most successful sportspeople shamelessly outlined all this to some downtrodden local artist.