JOY: Hey.

ROBERT: Hey.

JOY: You’re really cute.

ROBERT: Thanks.

JOY: Mind if I ask you a question? What’s your ethnicity? No, wait, let me guess. You’re white.

ROBERT: Yeah. Yeah I’m white.

JOY: Ha! Ha, ha.

ROBERT: Well, actually I’m part French, I’m part German, I got some Irish, Italian …

JOY: I really like white guys.

ROBERT: Oh, cool.

JOY: My last boyfriend was white, and the one before that, and the one before that.

ROBERT: Awesome. Hey, you know, I’ve got to get back to my friends.

JOY: Where you going, beautiful? Come on, I got you a drink already.

ROBERT: Oh, okay.

JOY: So, where are you from?

ROBERT: I’m from a small town in Indiana called Stillwater.

JOY: Oh yeah, I went to Richmond, Virginia once.

ROBERT: Yeah, okay, that’s in America.

JOY: So, what kind of hobbies did you have growing up?

ROBERT: Well, I did a lot of stuff. You know, I played baseball when I was younger. My family signed me up for soccer, but I really wasn’t that good at it. I got into paintball and laser tag later on.

JOY: Your ancient traditions are so majestic.

ROBERT: Yeah, okay.

JOY: So, what kind of crazy food did your mom cook? Did you have casserole? Is the c silent? Asserole?

ROBERT: Nope, just casserole. Yeah, we had it all the time. Pretty common thing. Where are you from?

JOY: Oh, SoCal. Growing up all my friends were Asian, so you’re so exotic.

ROBERT: Okay.

JOY: Sorry, I got lost in your eyes. They’re shaped like beautiful round walnuts, and your hair, it’s so coarse and unhealthy.

ROBERT: Nope. All right.

JOY: And your skin—oh, you age so much faster than us. What are you, 40? 50?

ROBERT: I’m 25.

JOY: I love it! You’re like a little boy in an old man’s body. Say something in Mid-Western.

ROBERT: What?

JOY: Come on, your language is so beautiful. Here, I know something. Pap. Pap.

ROBERT: I don’t know what you’re saying.

JOY: You know, like soda?

ROBERT: Oh, okay. All right.

JOY: What, your parents didn’t teach you the language?

ROBERT: I guess they missed that one.

JOY: Well, I speak better Mid-Western than you.

ROBERT: I don’t think so.

JOY: [laughing]

ROBERT: What do your parents do?

JOY: My parents. Sometimes I feel like I should bring back a mild-mannered Asian guy to please them, but honestly I am sick and tired of the tiny dicks and family values of my men.

ROBERT: That is racist, and you’re generalizing.

JOY: Oh, no, no, no. I am so sorry. I did not mean to come off that way. I am not racist. I’ve dated someone of every ethnicity before, except Asian.

ROBERT: No, you’re a racist.

JOY: So I have a type. Don’t you have one?

ROBERT: You are one of those crazy Asian girls with a weird white fetish, and you need to stop objectifying my people. We’re more than just an average white guy. Okay?

JOY: Okay, I’m so sorry. You’re right. You are John from Ohio.

ROBERT: I am Robert from Indiana.

JOY: I’m sorry. The Bible names, you know? It all sounds the same, and they’re so hard to pronounce. Robart. Rob-art.

ROBERT: Good day. Okay? You have a good day.

JOY: Fine. Why don’t you go back to wherever you came from, you Occidental?

ROBERT: Please respect us.

JOY: I wish you were inside of something, you freak. Hey, mind if I buy you a “Pabst Blue Ribbon?”