CHICAGO—Eager to press his genitals against the bodies of fellow travelers during Monday’s rush-hour commute, a frustrated Marc Hadrigan was reportedly waiting on the platform of Chicago’s Montrose rapid transit station and wondering when the next train was going to show up already. “I’ve been standing here 15 minutes at least,” said Hadrigan, 46, adding that he had not seen a sign indicating construction delays and that his erection was now all but gone. “I’m giving it five more minutes, then I’m taking the bus. If I’d done that in the first place, I’d be grinding against someone right now.” At press time, Hadrigan had missed the bus and was this close to walking and just groping somebody on a crowded sidewalk.

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