9. People here don't give a fuck

If I'd have to go through everything EEs differ from WEs I'd end up writing very long and vaguely xenophobic list, almost as long as the list of things we have in common, but nothing stands out more than the fact that Westerners are ridiculously chill about things. I'm not one to generalize, after all, chronic anxiety disorders are on the rise all over the world as people have to cope with modern problems. But, without the intention of sounding like an orange-hued, Lil' Wayne wannabe, EE life is defined by the struggle and the hardships of our condition. That's not to say we're bloody poor, even though many of us are, but all of us worry. We worry because we are used to change. Our parents grew up in communism, our grandparents grew up in the great conflict that was the Eastern front in WW2. We've grown up with the firm belief that our lives can change at any moment, for the better or for the worse. This is why the guy in the leather jacket freaking out at the supermarket, because he may have forgotten his wallet at home, but has all ready scanned his groceries in, is probably named Igor or Boris. We panic over anything and jump at the slightest sign that something might go wrong and even when things are going well, we worry because it's going too well. As an EE in weed-friendly Holland, the amount of times I've been told to "chill out dude" almost equals the amount of times I've checked my bank statement since I woke up this morning. WE, on the other hand, are used to stability. Personally, I blame it on growing up in peaceful welfare states.

8. Western pop culture is more complex than we imagined

I saw "Lion King" when it came out, the first show I burned was "Friends" and watched "Tom&Jerry" as a kid. You could say I'm average in terms of '90s kid post-communist exposure to the West. Honestly, globalization has exposed everyone to everyone else in terms of cross-cultural exchange. However, I may have watched "Home Alone" every Christmas, but I have no idea who TinTin was and what he did. I can quote "Star Wars", but I don't really know what Bill Cosby was all about. Same goes for Pink Floyd, the Doors or Jimmy Carr but now I actually listen to Pink Floyd, still not really get Jim Morrison and worship Jimmy Carr.

7. Yes, we do find small talk difficult and weird

Name one EE diplomat. You see.... did any come to mind? You know why none came to mind? Because diplomacy is not our strong point. When EEs talk, we have a purpose for talking. When we ask a question, we expect an answer. Even Romanians, who are known for beating around the bush, are far more direct then people are in the West. You might say nay, Germans are direct and so are Americans. If you thought something like that, congratulations, you probably believed everything else Walt Disney told you as well. Westerners are direct, but only in certain situations, mainly work-related, which is good since it makes for efficiency. But Eastern Europeans are blunt all the time. It's perhaps the source of most of those cringe worthy arguments between a soft-spoken Englishman and that rowdy fellow (who pronounced "W" and "I" with a little too much force) you may have overheard over coffee one time when you where dating that hot French girl. Too which, I must say, good job on finding a hot French girl, you looked under a lot of stones didn't you? We do, however, posses a certain skill that helps us in these situations: we are very good at guessing what you're thinking. This is because EE social interactions rely quite heavily on non-verbal cues from the other person. Westerners make the same cues, yet are not used to people noticing them. Don't tell us you like our new haircut, when you don't, most of the time we can tell you're lying

6. The women...

As you read the word women... in the context of Eastern Europe, you probably conjure up certain ideas, beliefs and stereotypes... I'm here to tell you that, in this case, reality is better than fiction.

Issue that Hollywood got wrong number 1: Eastern European girls are sluts.

Oh, if only it where like that. You see, just as you probably have a fetish for perky Asian chicks of an ambiguous age or for Terrence-Howard-looking black dudes, Eastern European girls have their own fetish: financially stable and emotionally available Western dudes. So, for those of you who probably boast about that one time you went to Prague and fucked this 9/10 Czech girl, I'm sorry to say that you did that because you where basically fishing with dynamite... in a koi fish pond. You see, those of us who had to go through puberty as EE dudes in EE, getting lad was quite hard for 3 reasons: EE girls are intimidatingly hot, extremely religious and tired of dudes like you trying to get in their pants. As a result, when EE dudes go to WE and go on the pull... it's like playing Diablo III on easy mode after a lifetime of learning to play on hard mode. Now... that doesn't mean that everyone that had to learn Diablo on hard mode actually got good at Diablo, most people just quit after multiple failures, but those that did have a definite edge in the West, where, no offense to the actual masters out there, most guys are like Silver League of Legend players: they know the basics, but still can't hold their lane.

5. Religion is a habit

Long story short, EEs are more religious than Westerners... on average (I'm looking at you, America). But when you go abroad and are removed from the environment of your religion, your religious rituals diminish. Since most EEs are Christians, it's actually far more likely for us to succumb to Western atheism and secularism, since it's easier for us to relate to the post-Christianity West, than for members of other faiths. What sets the West apart from us is that religion is an internal practice, since it's more about your personal relation to God or spirituality. In EE, it's more of social practice. Going to Church, praying, even crossing yourself when you heard something particularly stupid, these are and where habits, not actual signs of our own spirituality. The change is good and bad, since as we have switched our lens from outside to inside, we've sort of ended up in a religious limbo: not as religious enough as we where behind the Iron Curtain, yet not as fully secular as the West.

4. There are a select number of questions that make EEs froth at the mouth

My personal favorite is: "Isn't Romania that country with Dracula?" but that might be just because I'm Romanian. Another one would be"Do you speak Russian?" No, I don't, and hopefully I never will need to (Insha'allah). If you'd ask a Frenchman if he spoke German (because, you know, they're like so close to each other), what reaction would you expect? Hungarians have a similar drama when they have to explain that their language is unique and that, no, they don't understand Finnish. For example, I can't understand the language of any of my country's neighbors, yet if I go to Italy I can understand 80% of what I hear. EE is an incredibly diverse place, most places in the world are (except Japan, but they make up for that with their weird pastimes). I cannot stress how different and multicultural the place we come from is, it's so multicultural in fact that...

3. We are a little racist...

Yes... I know what you're thinking and, again, I don't speak Russian.

There is an inside joke amongst Eastern Europeans who have been to the West which I am going to share with you right now: we stare at black people. And you would too, if you would've grown up where we did (basically the whitest place on Earth, after Ireland). Until I was maybe 18, most of my exposure to racial diversity came from media rather than from real life. Think of it like this: you've only seen elves in "Lord of the Rings" right? Now, don't lie to yourself and say wouldn't stare if you saw an elf walking down the street, because you would (hell... you'd probably take a selfie wouldn't you?) That wouldn't mean you hated elves, you'd just be slightly amazed at seeing one in real life. Well that's how life is for us... at least for the first few months, then it goes away. Yet, something else doesn't...

2. ...however we are far less racist than anyone in the West

We grew up laughing at jokes made by Chris Rock, Chris Tucker, Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy. We listened to Tupac, Biggie, Jay-Z and 50. We watched movies with Denzel Washington, Will Smith or (a personal favorite) Idris Elba. Our upbringing has shielded us from the often denied, yet inherent, racism of Western society. Actually... when we see racism happen in front of us, even if it is subtle, or even innocent, we completely lose our shit. You see, we may be white, but WEs and EEs are as different as Swedes and Nigerians, the only difference is that our differences are under the skin rather than being our skin. So we know that if someone is ignorant enough to judge another human being by something as petty as a physical trait and even hate him for it, or worse, view him as an inferior, then the same person can do the same with us. The honest reason why they don't is that we are a little camouflaged.

1.People here trust their government

… and because they do, we think of them as naive.

Why do we do this?

Well...

Communism.

I hope that answers your question.

I am not going to attempt to explain the traumas that life under communism has caused in EE. It would mean downplaying almost half a century of social... torment. All you need to know is that in EE we accept the need for government, yet we do not actually enjoy it. Imagine if all the states of half a continent where governed by Hitler, George W. Bush, Margaret Thatcher, Kim Jong-Un and Charlie Sheen... all of them in one body, for 50 years. Now you understand why we smirk when we hear policemen are here to "protect and serve".

However, in the West, the government is the good guy, actually watching out for its citizens and their best interests. And I'm sure the anarchist in you is now breathing heavily and spitting out words like "NSA", "taxes", "Afghanistan" ,and so on, but that's just what I'm trying to say. Western governments do fuck up, but not like ours. Ours fuck up so frequently and epically, EE media actually has to exaggerate stories a little to capture our interest, especially amongst the incredibly stoic youth.

Now, why is this important?

Well, the devil is in the details. As an EE, traffic light buttons present in the West provide a philosophical dilemma: does the button work? Or is the government tricking me into thinking it works? What if the light turns on anyway and pressing the button is just a placebo? I know this sounds like a schizophrenic speaking, but I'm not the only one (IYKWM).

The concept of welfare is quite bizarre to us as well: the government gives you money... for free , sometimes for idleness... When the UK went into a fervor over the waves of Romanian and Bulgarian immigrants who would steal their welfare, people failed to consider whether or not Romanians and Bulgarians would want to link themselves to the British government. I'm not saying some wouldn't seek to, our mentality is that all money is good money, I'm simply stating that no one took into consideration no one thought that EEs might have un-orthodox views on the subject.

BONUS

Not all of us sound like Borat or that Russian villain from James Bond. Some of us are actually pretty decent at it, even though, yes, most of us still sound very Soviet. But that doesn't mean looking so perplexed when you ask for our name after 30 minutes of conversation and find out it's Andrei and not Andrew is ok. Also, the famous comment "Your English is very good"is patronizing and everyone knows it.