There’s no easy way for me to put this, so I’m just going to flat-out say it: Right now, the state of the world has reached dystopian levels. The coronavirus is infecting thousands daily, quarantines and social distancing efforts are predicted to be in effect until at least April 30 in the United States, and hand sanitizers and disinfecting wipes have become rare precious jewels to hoard.

But while the world was completely tuned in to the news and the government’s next steps in the battle of COVID-19, I was completely tuned out. In the midst of the madness, I found out I was seven weeks pregnant and facing the reality of trying to get an abortion during a pandemic.

Two positive pregnancy tests stared back at me during one of the most horrific times in global history. The world was preparing to go on lockdown, everyone was dousing themselves in disinfectant spray, and I couldn’t fathom any of it due to the constant knowledge that I was pregnant.

“The reasons people seek abortions do not go away during a pandemic.”

That I wanted to get an abortion was never a question: I barely knew the person who got me pregnant, I have fertility issues that could cause trouble if I decided to carry to term, and most important, I’m in no way prepared to have a child—especially now that the world is falling apart. But getting an abortion pre-coronavirus was nearly impossible for many women—the thought of getting one during a pandemic was terrifying.

“The reasons people seek abortions do not go away during a pandemic,” says Jen Villavicencio, M.D., an ob-gyn, abortion caregiver, and fellow with Physicians for Reproductive Health. “There will still be health concerns, severe fetal diagnoses, financial barriers, desires to preserve family resources, and many other very important, well-thought-out reasons—in fact, many of these reasons and needs will likely increase during times of crisis.”

I live in New York State, where abortion clinics are considered essential services that can continue operating during this time, but some states—such as Texas, Ohio, and Louisiana—have tried using the coronavirus pandemic as a new means of restricting abortions, forcing clinics to cancel patients’ appointments for both surgical and medicated abortions by deeming them “unessential services.” The only exception? Danger to the mother’s life. That means women seeking abortions—even in cases of rape and incest—are being forced to drive across state lines if they want any hope of receiving care during a time when staying at home is more essential than ever.

Since the order in Texas was placed on March 23, Amna Dermish, M.D., regional medical director at Planned Parenthood of Greater Texas, notes that their clinics across the state had to cancel 261 appointments for patients seeking abortions and turn away 583 calls for patients who are trying to make appointments during that same week. “These people need access to a time-sensitive service, and we had to be the ones to call them and say that we can't take care of you right now. That takes a big emotional toll on the people who make those calls as well as our patients,” Dermish says. “It's not something that anybody who works in health care wants to have to do. And the reactions we’re getting from our patients: They’re angry, they're frustrated, they’re sad, despair. It’s a really hard thing to tell somebody, and it’s a hard thing for our patients to process.”

States deeming abortion care a nonessential service point to the conservation of critical personal protective equipment (PPE) as the driving factor. But according to providers, that’s not accurate. “It is critical to understand that neither medication abortion nor procedural abortion requires extensive personal protective equipment (PPE)—and the conservation of PPE is the stated reason for state orders directing providers and health systems to delay nonessential procedures and surgeries,” says Elisabeth Smith, chief counsel of state policy and advocacy at the Center for Reproductive Rights. “In Texas, Attorney General Paxton said that most abortions, other than those performed in an immediate medical emergency, would violate the Executive Order, but this does not make sense, especially in the context of medication abortion.”