Spirituality often becomes more important to us in times of tragedy, loss, suffering and illness because it connects us to both our higher power and those around us, helps us to find meaning and purpose, and brings us hope and healing. Sometimes, these very same conditions can make us question ourselves, our spirituality and all we know. In our Spirituality and Emotional Health blog series, our clinicians and chaplains explore what it means to be spiritual beings, how it affects our interactions with the world and how we sometimes struggle with and question our own spirituality.

South Korea, a world leader for plastic surgery and the beauty industry, has a peculiar phrase for a face without makeup, “쌩얼”. 쌩 is pronounced “Sang”; it means real or genuine or “raw”. 얼 is pronounced “Earl”; it means face. When translated into English, the phrase literally means “raw face”.

“Raw face” has a special meaning for Koreans. For a woman to show her raw face to others who are not family members or very close friends is a kind of taboo. When a woman shows her raw face to someone, it means that she has allowed herself to reveal her deeper and more intimate self; they then become the closer and more trusting of friends. Allowing someone to see their “raw face” brings them to a new level of intimacy in their relationship.

Through my CPE internship at Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Hospital I am experiencing this same kind of intimate relationship. I am being drawn closer and closer to real Americans by seeing their “raw face”. Being confronted by the raw face of America in this way, I have come to realize that I had misunderstood who Americans, and especially American Christians, really are.

In the past the only way I could experience America was through the mass media. I imagined that American public life consisted of car chases, explosions, gunfire and loose behavior. And in all family and friend relationships, everyone really loved each other, lived in warm, safe houses and talked a lot about personal things whenever they ate together which was often. Although sometimes bad things happened they eventually got over them through mutual love and trust – just watch the Simpsons or Friends! And although many weird or humorous things happened to them every single day, they always resolved their problems by the end of the movie or show with the sense that they really were close family or friends.

This was a major misconception that I had about American life. Thankfully, through my CPE internship I have had the chance to meet many American patients and listen to each one’s own voice and story, and it has been overwhelming. I realized that I have had a stereotypical view of American life that was inaccurate and inadequate.

Since the beauty industry in South Korea is one of the most developed in the world, the most common response when someone sees another person’s ”raw face” for the first time is to ask “Who are you? Do I know you? Are you really the friend that I knew?”

The same thing happens to me now whenever I meet a new patient. I tell myself “What is this American life? Is it what I saw in movies and television shows?” Their life stories are so different from those that I saw before. Suddenly I could see the tragedies in their ordinary life that were hidden in the shadow of commercial mass media. In real life, tragedy is very common and is not resolved dramatically and easily as in the movies or on television.

Suddenly I could see the tragedies in their ordinary life that were hidden in the shadow of commercial mass media.

Unlike in the commercial programs, in real life really bad things happen to good people every day. I met little girls sexually abused by several adults, worked with a college kid struggling with his sexual identity in a strict conservative Christian family, and a young boy showed me the cutting scars on his wrists without any hesitation. These are the real but hidden and neglected raw faces that I see.

Of course, I can still find the contrasting bright face of American life. Many of my American friends are part of more ideal families and I really admire them. Their love and care for family and friends is more sincere and true than in the media. And I can also see the genuine humanity and compassion from the chaplains, doctors, nurses and other staff members at Pine Rest. I see the patient who presents with serious mental symptoms on day one, but after a few weeks of appropriate treatment and sincere care and support is discharged with a clear mind.

I have learned that despite the culture gap, Koreans and Americans are basically the same human beings, having joy and despair, happiness and sadness, love and anger.

The other “raw face” that I see is in the Christian life. I had always believed that spiritually healthy Christians don’t suffer from mental disorders. Even though we are Christians, too often we blame the mental disorders we see in other Christians on some weakness of will, lack of faith or a failure of self-discipline. However, now I realize that this is a kind of prejudice.

During my Internship, I have seen many patients who are sincere Christians. They love the Bible, they have attended church regularly and no one can deny their faith and dedication to God. However, to my surprise, I found many sincere Christians who have been admitted to mental health hospitals. Their symptoms vary; many of them suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, substance abuse etc. In many cases these mental disorders are caused by of biological or physiological factors.

The Biblical figures Elijah and Job, and in more recent church history Luther and Spurgeon, all suffered from depression. They had strong will power, were full of faith and disciplined themselves through prayer and Bible study. Our biases would suggest that they had no apparent reason to suffer from mental disease. However, despite dedicating themselves to serving God, they suffered from some kind of mental disorder throughout their life.

I also have seen some patients who were made worse, stigmatized and neglected by the church.

I believe that Grand Rapids is generally a very compassionate and dedicated city; I see many true Christians here. From the Christian perspective the mental health hospitals in Grand Rapids should be devoid of believers. However, I have seen ordained pastors suffering from substance abuse, and missionaries suffering from various mental diseases. I personally have some true Christians having mental breakdowns; they all are sincere Christians and dedicated to God. Then I also have seen some patients who were made worse, stigmatized and neglected by the church. I have also realized that while most churches do treat their suffering people well, my assumption that all American churches care for their church members very well is incorrect.

Jesus came for the sick. I believe that Jesus would not criticize or blame Christian patients for their lack of will, lack of faith or failure of self-discipline simply because they were suffering. Rather, Jesus would understand how hard it is to suffer from a mental disorder and also from harsh social prejudice when someone is trying to make the best of a bad situation. But simply trying hard can’t fix everything. That is the nature of being human made from the dust. We all have some kind of weakness, some physical, some mental, some both. We try to cover our raw face by using the “makeup” of technology, medicine, and even religion. However, admitting and embracing our weakness is the surest, safest way to be cured.

Being confronted by someone’s “raw face” is quite startling. However, it is also the moment that I realize who they really are. It has been quite surprising for me to confront the raw face of American life and American Christian life through the CPE internship. I have seen the raw face beneath the cultural and religious makeup.

Seeing another’s raw face brings some responsibility to my side of the relationship.

As the internship goes on and I listen to the patient’s voices, rather than a distance I am actually feeling the closeness more. Although the culture, ethnicity and the language may be different, the America’s raw face of America is no different from South Korea’s. Seeing another’s raw face brings some responsibility to my side of the relationship. Now I am feeling that I am not just a stranger but a neighbor or friend who is there to help each other grow. This is what I have seen in America’s “raw face”.

Ho Sea is currently participating in the Pine Rest’s Clinical Pastoral Education program as well as attending Calvin Seminary. In the past, he has served pastoral roles in South Korea as well as a chaplain in the Korean military.