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I was recently called a “mangina” in an online comment for one of my episodes of Real Men Feel about Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). I suppose it was meant as an insult, but it only made me laugh. My first thought was of former NFL coach Eric Mangini who was briefly (very briefly) called “Mangenius.”

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I first heard of MGTOW through Anthony Simeone who was a guest on Real Men Feel back in March. The high-level view is that MGTOW was a group of men who blamed women for everything and thought that all women were evil. That show started the conversation, which was the goal, and I’ve since learned that not all MGTOW hold those views. As is the case with most things, there is a broad spectrum of beliefs within the men of MGTOW.

Engaging with MGTOW where the vast majority hide their identity and seem to spout toxic views, that even they don’t believe, only to rile people up is a futile effort. Talking with men who hide their faces and names made me feel like I was talking to terrorists. The few men who took the time to email me or engage in a conversation, I gained respect and understanding for. I do see that they are looking for happiness and willing to challenge traditional views that society has for being a man. Notions that you must be married and you must have children. I am childless by choice, so I do have an affinity for some MGTOW basics.

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But I find it stupefying that any group of men who believe they are helping men spends so much time attacking other men. The MGTOW men that I’ve spoken with recognize that their philosophy doesn’t serve society and that if all men took part, the human race would go extinct.

Men who avoid women because of the perceived dangers of divorce, abuse allegations, losing their time, money, etc. to her are living in fear. The world is a dangerous place, so I’m not going to do anything, go anywhere or meet anyone. That is a very fatalistic worldview. I can see it being attractive to any man in emotional or mental pain though. I used to feel similarly. I thought relationships weren’t worth the effort. Then I found one that was.

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I agree that family courts are still slanted towards women. I agree that men are seen as disposable by society. But I don’t agree that retreating from interactions with women are the way anything changes for the better. That feels like being hopeless and giving up, and I have years of experience in both of those. Relationships with women helped me to change that.

One man wrote me that; “Our goal is to help men find peace in a world that hates them.” I was floored with sadness reading that. When I believed I lived in a world that hated me I was depressed and suicidal. I worked hard and changed, and those actions changed the world around me.

Many MGTOW men told me, “love is a lie,” “love is BS,” “we don’t need love in our lives.”

That is where they lose me. I couldn’t disagree more.

I know that life is more enjoyable when fear doesn’t guide your choices. When individual men decide that they are happier alone; great. I have no objection to that. But when men claiming to be happy and at peace spend so much time putting women down, saying love doesn’t exist, and attacking other men who won’t blame women for their problems, it is hard for me to see that as happiness or as a philosophy that benefits anyone.

Are relationships challenging? Yes. Is love fleeting? Yes. Is it worth the attempt? Yes. If it isn’t for you, that’s fine.

For the more silent of MGTOW (I hope they are the silent majority, but I’ll never know) “going their own way” is a personal decision that doesn’t result in them aggressively going after men who haven’t made the same choice. Unfortunately, the vocal minority (again, I hope they are the minority) spend so much time on the attack that it gives the overall philosophy a bad name, and I fear it will lead to violence.

When I saw a new story last week about the man who killed ten women in Toronto with a van, I wondered if that guy was going to be tied to MGTOW. He did identify himself as a member of Incel which doesn’t seem to be all that different from MGTOW when it comes to philosophy but does support more aggressive actions.

If you want to know more see What Is an Incel? from the NY Times. The story referred to Southern Poverty Law Center – a name I often see in stories about hate groups. I decided to visit their site and search for MGTOW which resulted in this:

On the borders of the hateful incel community, a community advocating for male separatism has also emerged: calling themselves MGTOW, Men Going Their Own Way, these men decided to withdraw themselves from the toxicity of women increasingly, eventually “going monk” by abstaining from sex altogether. Decried by Roosh as “passive and meek,” they also deem women inferior and harmful and think they get in the way of male achievement.

If the MGTOW philosophy is only spread via angry, anonymous internet trolls, then I fear it is destined for hate group status. Regardless, I do hope the MGTOW goals men shared with me of saving lives and helping men be happy do pan out for them.

You can watch my interview with MGTOW Universe here, and there is one more MGTOW interview coming this month on Real Men Feel. I appreciate every man that took the time to write me or talk with me, but after this second MGTOW interview show, I’m gladly moving on.

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