Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, left (Getty Images/Angerer)

House Democrats taunted their Republican counterparts as GOP representatives passed a bill that would erase the signature legislation of the Obama administration and replace it with a tax break for the wealthiest Americans and simultaneously karate-chop 24 million Americans in their soon-to-be uninsured throats.


Knowing that it won’t cover the millions of people with pre-existing conditions and will likely fail on the Senate floor, Democrats unanimously voted against the resolution repealing the Affordable Care Act, the Washington Post reports. Democratic lawmakers also know that the vote sounds the death knell for many Republicans whose House seats are up for re-election in the 2018 midterm elections.


For eight years GOP politicians ran on the idea that they would undo Obamacare as soon as they could, and when they kept both chambers of Congress and took the presidency in the 2016 election, they vowed to make good on their promise—even though they didn’t actually have a health care plan. After hastily jotting down some ideas earlier this year, they failed to ignite the dumpster fire they named the American Care Act, so they picked up their crayons and went back to the drawing board.

House GOP passes Obamacare repeal bill In a major victory for President Donald Trump, the House has voted to dismantle the pillars of the… Read more

The bipartisan Congressional Budget Office has yet to tell the American people how much this new version would cost, or how many people it would leave without coverage, but every independent medical organization has already deemed the bill the equivalent of a 5-gallon bucket of raw sewage sprinkled with the remains of Leah Dunham’s underarm shavings. Twenty House Republicans abstained, emphasizing the fact that most people don’t want a part of the GOP’s shit show.


The House bill passed with a narrow 217-213 vote and now heads to the upper chamber, where it is likely to be torn up as quickly as a love note from the guy in the back of your seventh-grade class who draws penises in the margins of his social studies book, so don’t fret yet. Obamacare isn’t dead.

When reached for comment, Barack Obama Kanye-shrugged, laid back down on the couch and returned to watching a rerun of Maury.