I got out of the hospital 2 weeks after my stroke in October

Travel Insurance is cheap — you never know what’s going to happen

It was Istanbul where the Muslims, without fail, are very kind to invalids

Had to stay in an airport hotel for 2 days while i got my credit card unblocked - i had let so much slip while in hospital

Then I flew to England

I was still on a crutch and my whole right side was pretty much dead

I was not yet used to moving around much

I was at the airport

And made my way to the gate

With my backpack and crutch and a bag of duty free

Fucking hard work walking to the gate, i was in tears

A woman asks me if i was going to be ok, "i think so" i sobbed, but it would have been more correct to say "i hope so"

I go through the gate and am waiting for the bus to the plane

My backpack slips off my shoulder

And im trying to control 3 things with my left hand

In tears at how hard it seemed my life will be

Sobbing, i put everything down

And try to get a grip on myself with some Systema breathing- its a bit like the breathing they teach pregnant women for giving birth

Its impossible to put a backpack on with one arm paralyzed

The bus arrives and everyone but me gets on

They are all watching me struggle with my backpack

Eventually i put the backpack down, cursing at it through the mucus and tears — fuck fuck fuck yoouuuuuu

And then i am inspired somehow, I think the cursing helped

In one smooth movement, I pick the backpack up with my left hand, toss it in the air, and at its peak, i lunge to throw my dead arm through the shoulder strap, catching the bag on my shoulder on the way down

Olympic level spastic acrobatics

I got a round of applause from the people in the bus

It just made me cry more

I got to the pane and stayed on the tarmac sobbing uncontrollably until i got a grip

At that point i had little progress

But was so determined to continue living and travelling

I got through it

I swallowed my pride and started asking for help when i needed it

A week later i was walking without crutches

A week after that i started getting movement in my arm

There was a Tajikistani surgeon i would talk to in the cafe at the hospital

He said that the people that survive are the ones that don’t give up

3 months later, I’m doing well, and still confident of a full recovery

Progress is slow, but steady

I go to physio every day

Ive rigged up exercise aids through my apartment

A foam ball on a rope, which I punch and slap

A soccer ball on a rope which I kick

I never miss an opportunity to try to expand my range of motion, strength and balance

If its hard, I do it more

There is only one god and his name is death

what do we say to death? "not today"