THE government is keeping cannabis illegal to send a message that you can pick and choose which laws to obey, it has confirmed.

A Home Office spokesman said: “If you go to your nearest park right now, some teenagers are smoking a massive skunk bifter on the swings and everyone is walking their dogs around them.

“But legalising a drug already used by your friends, by politicians and by your own dear mum, would be a statement that the laws of this country actually have some meaning to its inhabitants and that they cannot be ignored with impunity.

“There is also a risk that it would decrease the likelihood of young people moving on to crack and heroin use by signalling they are in some way more harmful.

“No, the message sent by this government is that some laws are disregarded by the public, police and lawmakers alike and it’s up to you to decide which.”

He added: “Have you tried dabbing? All rappers do it. Apparently you get mashed.”