VANCOUVER—Aria Jones is about to celebrate her first Mother’s Day and says it feels like a miracle.

Jones is one of a growing number of transgender women taking their place in the celebration of motherhood, but the role comes with complications. Experts say that current and historic transphobia, as well as family conflict, can make it difficult for trans moms to feel loved and appreciated on Mother’s Day. But some, like Jones, have managed to avoid those obstacles and now look forward to a holiday that affirms their gender.

Jones, who is now 34 years old, was already married with kids when she came out as transgender and began transitioning in 2013. Her wife and two young kids have stuck by her side, and Jones said this year’s Mother’s Day is a milestone in her journey.

“I was a bit surprised because she (my wife) had gone aside with the kids and asked them how they felt about having me celebrate Mother’s Day this year, instead of Father’s Day and the kids were great with it. They thought it was a great idea. And my son said ‘Yeah I have something for both of you for Mother’s Day anyway.’ ”

Jones’ kids, aged 10 and 5, call her ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ interchangeably.

“I’ve told my kids I will always be their daddy ... because I was part of that creative process,” she said, but “I always felt that I am their mom.”

Elizabeth Beacom, a Chilliwack mom who also transitioned to a woman after she was married with kids, has been celebrating Mother’s Day with her family for several years. The couple looked to other two-mom families for examples on how to do it, and have successfully shifted the focus of both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

“We found it easy to share,” she said, adding that she and her family will probably go to the park with their 7- and 2-year-old kids this Sunday.

“Father’s Day is still a thing at our house, but it’s more for our dads, the grandfathers,” Beacom said.

Lu Lam, a private practice counsellor who specializes in gender identity, said that when a parent transitions they set a good example for their kids.

“Research shows that when people live in their authenticity and deepest humanity, they are just healthier people because they have that alignment with who they are. The desire is to care for themselves and therefore their children,” Lam said.

But family and friends don’t always embrace transgender parents when they come out. For some trans parents, it leads to separation or divorce, and accusations that they’re harming their kids, said Lam.

For Morgane Oger, a trans woman and mother of two, Mother’s Day brings mixed feelings. She also came out as trans after she had married and had children, but is now divorced. According to her custody agreement, she’s not guaranteed to see her kids on Mother’s Day.

“I only have time with my kids if Mother’s Day happens to fall on a time when they’re with me.”

This year she will be seeing her kids on Mother’s Day, but said she isn’t making a big deal out of the holiday.

“I think it’s important to mark rituals and Mother’s Day is one of those rituals and it also normalizes trans motherhood ... it’s a political thing for me as much as it is a family thing,” she said.

“But I’m also going to do it with subtlety. I’m also mindful of the fact that my children have a mother, and another mother, and one of their mothers had (originally) married had a man. So it’s respectful.”

Veronica Greer also faces challenges as a trans mom. After she came out as trans, she and her partner got divorced, and Greer said her extended family, as well as her ex, don’t support her identity as a woman.

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Greer said she won’t be seeing her kids on Mother’s Day, but hopes to celebrate it with them when she seems them next weekend.

Both Greer and Oger said they face challenges in claiming their position as mothers, but accept that their kids call them by their first names.

Trans parents still face discrimination and that needs to be understood in a historical context, said Lam. For example, in the 1960s, trans people were discouraged from being parents.

“Gender-identity clinics at that time were advising trans parents to sever contact with their established lives. Basically close off all relationships including relationships with their own children.”

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