EVANSDALE, IA—Providing comfort to residents of the stricken community, Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence visited a small town in the nation’s heartland Wednesday that had recently been hit hard by children viewing R-rated movies, sources confirmed. “It is deeply saddening and sobering to stand here today in a town that has been so utterly devastated by the scourge of underage children watching films that have a ‘Restricted’ rating,” a visibly anguished Pence said during a press conference outside the local AMC Theater, noting that over the past year, R-rated motion pictures such as Deadpool, Bad Moms, and The Conjuring 2 had exposed hundreds of the town’s teenagers to graphic violence and adult material. “Unfortunately, there are hundreds of small towns just like this one around the county where children under 17 have witnessed depictions of drug use, strong adult language, and sexually oriented nudity. As we seek to help those most impacted by these thematic elements, it is imperative that we also vow to ensure that this tragedy does not repeat itself elsewhere.” Sources confirmed that following his speech, Pence quietly broke down in tears after hearing a local 15-year-old speaking the word “asshole.”

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