Internalized misogyny is a real bitch. I didn’t quite understand the extent of it before. The myriad ways in which misogyny is inculcated and women are taught to think less of other women; the subtle ways in which we’re trained to loathe ourselves. But the last few weeks, the nonstop sexual harassment allegations have been something of a wake-up call for me.

They’ve made me realize just how much I’ve internalized sexism. I’m a proud feminist, and yet I’ve also come to realize that, like many – if not all – women, I’m a bit of a misogynist.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve found myself feeling a little sorry for some of the men who’ve lost their jobs or had their reputations ruined because of harassment allegations. Not the Weinsteins of the world, of course, but the men accused of more ‘minor’ infringements; of behavior that falls into those famous ‘gray areas’.

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But those gray areas aren’t really that gray, are they?

Most adults are able to behave like decent human beings, to know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. To know when flirting crosses the line; to know when someone just isn’t interested. These men I’ve been feeling a little bit sorry for have all been accused of misconduct by multiple people; it’s very hard to argue they didn’t know exactly what they were doing.

So why on earth have I been feeling sorry for them? Particularly as history suggests that their reputations aren’t really ruined and a few sexual harassment or assault allegations aren’t going to stop them getting new jobs. Heck, they could go on to be president of the United States if they wanted to!

Over the last few weeks I’ve caught myself wondering why some of the women who are leveling accusations now didn’t do so earlier. I know very well why they didn’t, of course. I know victims of sexual misconduct are torn apart by the press. I know that their characters are assassinated, their careers are ruined. And I mean really ruined. I know that they’re not believed. I know all of this and yet I couldn’t stop those thoughts from occasionally trickling in … why didn’t they say something?



Over the last few weeks I’ve ashamed to admit that I’ve found myself surprised by the number of women who’ve been harassed or abused. I’ve never personally found sexual harassment to be a massive problem, I’ve thought.

And yet I put in headphones every time I leave the house, even if I’m not listening to anything, so I don’t have to hear gross comments from men on the street; I keep my keys clutched like a weapon in my hand when I walk home alone in the dark, wary of strange men. But despite all that I’ve still thought to myself that sexual harassment isn’t such a big deal, is it?



And then there was the other day. On Tuesday, I heard about the rape allegations against the actor Ed Westwick, best known for his role as the womanizer Chuck Bass on Gossip Girl. In a Facebook post this week, the actress Kristina Cohen accused Westwick of raping her, three years ago. Westwick denied these allegations on Tuesday.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Cohen has filed a report with the Los Angeles police department, and officers are investigating the rape claim. Oh dear, I thought, when I first heard about the allegations. That’s ruined Gossip Girl for me. Which was a bizarre thing to think, really, considering that Gossip Girl should have been ruined for me a long time ago.

Not just because of my age, but because the show is a shining example of rape culture; of how the degradation of women is normalized and women like me – proud feminists – can find ourselves taking a deeply sick status quo for granted. Can find ourselves putting up with things we shouldn’t put up with. Can find ourselves feeling sorry for our harassers.

You see, while Westwick may be denying the allegations against him, there’s no denying that he’s most famous for his role as an attractive attempted rapist. In the very first episode of the very first season of Gossip Girl, Chuck Bass attempts to rape two girls at a party; something which Chuck casually shrugs off: “It’s a party, things happen.”

From the very beginning of the incredibly popular six-season show, largely watched by teenage girls, Chuck is presented as being sexual abusive. But, importantly, he’s not presented as a nasty, criminal sort of sexual abuser. Just a bad boy who is thrillingly dangerous to know. The sort of guy who occasionally goes a little too far at parties but who all the girls want to sleep with.

He’s presented as the sort of guy you ought to lust after. He’s humanized. You’re supposed to sympathize with him. And yet he’s an attempted rapist. But, hey, things happen at parties! Shows like Gossip Girl reinforce the idea that women should expect abuse, that this is simply the status quo.

The recent allegations against Westwick are an important reminder that it’s not just a few bad men who are to blame for the problem of sexual harassment and abuse. It’s our entire culture.