The Boston Herald has a story that blows the lid off the inorganic face-shaped lid covering John Kerry’s skull.

The paper, convinced that the Secretary of State has had plastic surgery or Botox injections, somehow got the chief of the Division of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery at Boston University Medical Center to say, on record, of one of Boston’s most prominent, wealthiest, and most powerful residents: “To say he looks Frankenstein-ian is not inaccurate.” He added: “Tell him we can fix him, if he wants to get in touch.”

Quoth another physician who spoke to the paper: “The lower part of his face looks appropriate for someone in their 40s or 50s . . .The upper part looks like someone in their 60s or 70s.” As VF.com has already exclusively reported, the middle part of his face looks like “a crumbling granite cliff in New Hampshire.” Actually, the back part of his face looks like a regular face, but that’s only because it is covered in hair and would likely be more accurately quantified as “the back of his head.”

For the record, Kerry’s office denies that the former presidential candidate surgically enhanced his head: “No. End of story. That’s not a denial, that’s a fact.” But it’s not a denial!

See also: “Vladimir Putin’s Face Appears to Contain More Botulism Than Drug-Store Sushi.”