Image: PlayStation

The last new Parappa the Rapper game came out in 2001. Here’s why he’s never coming back.

Parappa is dead.

Results from when you type “average life span of terriers” into Google

It’s not uncommon for development of modern AAA games to take upwards of three years as the gaming industry nears the end of the eighth generation. If development on Parappa 3 started today, the canine wordsmith would reach a ripe 26 by the time the final product reached consumers. This is three years older than the expected lifespan of the rat terrier, the longest living terrier and Parappa’s suspected breed. There is no way he is still alive. With advancements in technology since the star debuted, possibly Sony could digitally recreate the famous dog, but negative public reaction to Coachella’s Tupac hologram performance in 2012 could scare the game publisher from paying disrespect to another O.G. of the rap game.

2. Sony is not fun anymore.

Image: gamesindustry.biz

Remember 2012–2013? Not because of the Tupac performance again, but for the series of odd exclusives released for the PS3 throughout the two years. The lineup was released close together and featured absolute flops such as LittleBigKarting, PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, and Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time. After the middling critical and disappointing retail sales, Sony decided to cancel fun. Announced in February 2013 alongside the PlayStation 4, Mark Cerny got on stage to declare a new focus on, “third person action titles, most likely set in a future dystopian United States, because gamers want to see more of the action and defined lats are mega arousing.” A sizzle reel showcasing real time rendering of Krato latissimus dorsi then played on the projection screen behind Cerny.

3. Greg Miller has not asked for it.

Image: twitter.com/gameovergreggy

The largest obstacle in Parappa’s way is a lack of love from Playstation’s largest community leader. Miller, famous for hosting the popular podcast Kinda Funny Games Daily, is a major influence in the gaming industry. He was the main driving force of Gearbox’s Borderlands 2 being ported to the PlayStation Vita and is now in the middle of a campaign to see the rerelease of Patapon 2 on the PS4. It is safe to say that Miller has zero taste, but if he was to shed light on Parappa’s legacy and whisper sweet nothings into Shuhei Yoshida’s ear could be the only possibility for a continuation of Parappa’s story.

4. Parappa 2 sucked.

It did.