My, my, my what delicious drama is afoot! Clandestine romances, passionate fights, secret financial woes, emotional revelations, and terribly silly hats! Episode 4 of Sanditon was almost a series re-set that sent all our characters back to square one, but made them carry all their heavy baggage with them. Everyone got a taste of what life could be like without their respective woes, then it was all cruelly ripped away for our entertainment.

Charlotte and Sidney got a brief respite in their antagonism, but now they’re back to “hating” each other (giggle). Georgiana got a moment of happiness with her secret love, only to be locked away back in her tower (boarding house), and see him unceremoniously sent away. Stringer’s hope of being recognized professionally got him exactly nowhere. Tom got some hope from the idea of a loan (NOPE), and even, and our boy got a small glimmer of hope for his health/life, but that too was taken away.

The only character who took a glorious step forward instead of backward was our Queen Esther, (*fireworks erupt in my soul*) but more on that later.

Tom and Mary are total Sidlotte shippers!! At breakfast they were like, “Sidney is the best isn’t he? Charlotte, don’t you think Sidney is so handsome and charming? DON’T YOU CHARLOTTE?” And she was like, “hahaha, you guys, yes, fine, he’s great,” and they were like, “when should we set the date?”

Then she went to visit Stringer and his dad, but before we get to that, let’s recognize the real episode MVP:

Girl, I FEEL YOU. What is going on in this lady’s life?? Sweet girl is FAST ASLEEP in front of her livelihood. Man, I hope she’s enjoying that nap, because I feel it in my soul that she DESERVES IT. Take a load off!

Stringer is so damn smitten with our girl, and who can blame him? She encouraged him to follow his dreams while his dad was all, “naw, I’m gonna go ahead and poo-poo all over that nonsense. Dreams are for suckers, and if you have one, you are a complete dumb-dumb.” It was awkward as heck and Charlotte got outta that situation right quick.

Georgiana asked Charlotte to rescue her from the boredom of the boarding house, but first they had to okay it with Ms. Griffiths, her keeper. Georgiana very easily lied that the Parkers would be there, so they were off!

Meanwhile, Sir BuffFaceington was reading Bab’s latest letter to Esther who was trying so hard not to LOVE IT.

Mean Old Rich Lady had run out of human emotion, and unceremoniously sent Clara on an errand despite her “injury.” This led to Clara witnessing Ester and Sir Prickford being sexy with each other!! She left the letter and skedaddled, leaving Esther to wonder who they’d been peeped by. What a situation!

Dr. Fuchs dropped the truth on the siblings Parker – there’s nothing wrong with them. Diana suffers from “hysteria” (more on that later), and neither of them get enough exercise. You guys, can I gush about Dr. Fuchs for a sec?? Such integrity! Such honesty! Such hilarious German charm! He could have made money from these two for the rest of his life. Instead, he told them that they didn’t need him, and tried to give them the life skills they need to take care of themselves properly.

You guys, do I… do I have a crush on Dr. Fuchs? OMG DON’T TELL HIM!

Arthur was totally game, while Diana was decidedly NOT. Of course, this burst of vigor fizzled out quickly.

Arthur was a bit too enthusiastic about his assignment, and went on a long walk after his horsey-ride. The sun attacked him and he collapsed, thus giving Diana the opportunity to convince him to give up exercise forevermore. *sigh*

Sir Turdston waxed on about how great their lives will be once they get Mean Old Rich Lady’s money. They’ll travel and kiss and go to Disneyland or whatever. Esther seemed to buy into it, and I may have yelled at the screen like I was a tough-love friend who had too much to drink.

Tom was being dodge-ville with Stringer, and it was UPSETTING. Are we supposed to root for this guy? Because I am 100% Team Stringer on this issue. Then to add insult to bummerville, he went home to complain to his dad and was met with a lecture about how he should give up on his dreams and settle for less than he deserves. *sigh* Just hug it out, boys!

It was a ruse!! Georgiana needed an excuse to get out of the house in order to meet her secret hunk!! But then Charlotte let slip that Sidney asked her to keep an eye on her, and betrayal was felt all-around.

Charlotte being a total lust-block was so deliciously uncomfortable, and I loved every second of it. She refused to leave them alone (what with her promise to Sidney and all), and third-wheeled all over the place.

During this magnificent awkwardness, we learned that Georgiana and Otis met at a ball. “I was lost. Uprooted. In despair. Otis restored me to life.” So either he is an amazing guy who helped her through a hard time, OR he’s not such a great guy (they are forbidden to see each other, after all, and Sidney doesn’t seem like the racist type), and he took advantage of her at her lowest point. Wait and see, I guess!

Meanwhile, Charlotte was being visibly won over by their romance, edging closer and closer to #TeamOtis, asking questions like, “what’s Sidney’s PROBLEM ammiright guys?” (I may be paraphrasing). Especially after Otis proposed and then immediately threw himself into the river upon Georgiana’s refusal (all because of that dastardly Sidney!)

Otis “borrowed” a boat so they could drift along loving life, saying that it’s fiiiiiiiiine because Sidney is in London, and he’ll never know. Then Sidney IMMEDIATELY arrived in Sanditon (I love TV timing), and his first order of business was to go poking around after Charlotte (hmmmm, wonder why?)

After convincing Charlotte that Sidney is both racist (yikes) and cool with slavery (double yikes), Otis and Georgiana successfully pulled her to their side, and she offered to take them the “back way” to the coach to drop off Otis. This, of course, ended in disaster, and they were caught.

They were so busted. Not only that, but Sidney overheard Charlotte openly mocking him. And Sidney being Sidney, he overreacted, sent Otis away, basically put Georgiana on lockdown, then had a sexual-tension-of f, fight with Charlotte.

Yeah, these two ‘haaaaaaaaaate’ each other all over again! How delightfully upsetting. She accused him of racism (yikes again) and supporting slavery (double yikes again). He implied she might be wrong, but didn’t say it outright (for the plot, you see). Ugh, the LOOK on his face – he was clearly eager to see her, and probably had a much different meeting in his imagination, and then this happens. *sad yet giddy sigh*

Anyway, then he asked Stringer to walk her home, because apparently he’s keen to keep their love story triangular.

I think someone put too much yeast in that hat (baking joke!). Less importantly:

“Upon my word, miss. You are not afraid to speak your mind.”

“Perhaps I should be. Perhaps I would do better to merely simper and say nothing. Is that not what young ladies are supposed to do?”

“Please don’t. I wouldn’t wish for you to change. Not for the world.”

STRINGER! Stop being a bonafide dreamboat! (never stop)

Meanwhile, Mean Old Rich Lady was very busy with her side business, Denham’s Elite Match-Making, whose tagline is; “just submit.” She wants Sir Ghoulington to marry some unattractive rich lady, and for Esther to hop aboard the Babs Express. This, plus Clara’s implications that she knows all about their gross romance, sent Esther storming off.

All of my dreams are coming trueeeeeeeee! When Clara chased after Esther, I fully expected another taunting session, but it became something better when Clara realized that Esther is legit in love with Sir PoopyPants. She gave her some earnest, logical advice; ditch Edward and find her own happiness on her own terms. She even sympathized with her based on her own traumas, assuring Esther with zero doubt in her voice, that Edward does not give one single eff about either of them.

Guys, I want this friendship SO BAD.

Woof. This one hurt / was fist-pumpingly awesome. Esther was open and beautifully vulnerable in trying to convince Sir Barfbutt to run away with her and forget about society and the money. He proved himself to be exactly what Clara said he was, and thereby crushed our fierce Goddess’ heart right in front of our very eyes.

So now our Queen knows what’s up. Thank eff. At the same time, how DARE you, show. You better make this right! #GiveEstherTheWorld

Anyway, the episode wrapped up by promising a whole wack of trouble for the future. Sidney told Tom about the loan denials, and to cover up his feelings of inadequacy, Tom gave Mary an expensive necklace. Great strategy, doofus!

Oh, and Charlotte vowed to help Georgiana get it with Otis.

Ohhhhhh, she’s going to mail a secret letter! Secret letters always lead to the most delicious of situations!

I knew, seeing as it was only the third episode, that the budding #Sidlotte romance would run into some complications, but I didn’t imagine they would be thrown back to square one, but double the tension. Basically, we get to see them go from enemies to lovebirds TWICE, and I simply CANNOT WAIT.

SOME STUFF

Charlotte offering “tongue” just as Otis and Georgiana are about to kiss… LOL forever.

Sidney must have SOME reason for separating Georgiana and Otis. I’m hoping it’s a misunderstanding (Austen loves her misunderstandings!), and that once Sidney learns the truth, he’ll be cool with everything.

Starting the episode with a small glimpse of our boy Arthur was the RIGHT MOVE, Sanditon!

Speaking of, most of Arthur’s scenes are with Diana, so I feel bad fawning all over him and largely ignoring Diana. I don’t know why I feel such a strong admiration for him, and I feel mostly indifferent towards her. Is anyone else experiencing this? WHY IS IT HAPPENING HELP ME I FEEL BAD! The only thing I can think of is that while everyone is trying to break free of their respective cages, Diana is not only content inside hers, but she is willingingly pulling Arthur back in with her.

Let’s take a quick sec to talk about the diagnosis she got – hysteria. This is something women used to be diagnosed with when they behaved outside the norms of their sex (example: talking freely, irritability, sexual desire, LACK of sexual desire, etc). Basically anything men thought a woman shouldn’t do/be was considered “hysteria”.



Is there a female superhero named Hysteria? There has to be, right? If not, can there be? Someone do it. You’re welcome, Marvel. Women – it’s about time we take this word back.

Give Esther THE WORLD! #EstherDeservesBetter

What kind of small animal do you guys think lives under Stringer’s hat? I’m thinking a raccoon, but it could also be a family of squirrels.

OKAY THANKS FOR COMING FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!