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With Scott Morrison now locked in as Prime Minister until the Libspill pencilled in for 2021, a local Christian school has felt empowered to introduce a controversial ‘No Gender, No Play’ rule during lunchtime.



Saint Augustine of Damascus Primary School implemented the playground rule in an effort to stop a small percentage of children from expressing their inner selves at least until they hit university.



Since the introduction of the rule, children who do not identify as the gender on their birth certificate must remain seated in the shade next to the hatless and those that ran on the tar.



At the time of writing, the rule has been in effect for one week and has been discussed for 119 total hours on morning TV.



“Whatever happened to playing with sticks?” asked a Sunrise guest who would much rather have been invited to speak about anything else.



“Can’t we just let kids be straight kids?”



Principle of S.A.D. Primary Fiona Morris states this is the type of rules parents want to keep their children safe from questioning the teachings of the church.



“We make it very clear to the kids, the only men who get to wear dresses are priests.”