The first week of the NFL Season has come and gone, bringing yet another Steelers victory over the Cleveland Browns.

This year, I spent time with some friends tailgating in Cleveland pre-game and then attending. Usually, the tailgate scene in Cleveland strikes more fear in the opposing fans than the product on the field. This year, however, was not the case.



My day started early with a friend meeting outside of my place. He arrived blaring the “Space Browns” theme song while barking outside of my window at 7am. Mind you, my wife is pregnant so her sleep is valued, luckily, she did not wake to the song of a planet. For those of you who don’t know, the Space Browns are a big thing on Browns Reddit. Imagine if the Browns existed in an alternate universe, where they have an 11-5 record, a coach named Gleenok, and a QB named Zorgon VIII, the Blot Slinger, whose QB rating was over 5000 units. Yes, as ridiculous as it sounds, it is quite hilarious. The song is poorly written, featuring heavy synthesizer as well as terrible lyrics, off key notes, and off beat singing. It is pure fucking awesomeness. More fan songs! More hardcore fandom! Bring back the Pittsburgh Polka!… I digress.

About an hour into the trip, we made a pit stop a = gas station off the freeway. I arrived sporting my Jerome Bettis home jersey and a yellow towel hanging from my belt. I was greeted by a Browns fan who stated “take that shit off before I wipe my ass with that towel.”, I knew I was in for a hell of a day in Cleveland.

I began to fear my decision to wear any Steelers gear in Cleveland. I knew we weren’t going to the nuthouse known as the “Muni Lot”, however, we tailgated next to the Cleveland airport, which is parrallel to the Muni lot. Still quite the Zoo with Browns busses, cars with kegs coming out of the trunk, and general debauchery occurring. The Muni lot, which has had its own internet documentary showing the absolute chaos, only pales in comparison to a Buffalo Bills tailgate. One game Danny Northshore wore a Dallas Cowboys (who weren’t playing the Browns on this day) to the Muni lot. He was threated of his life, booed at, flipped off, etc. Back then, I could only imagine wearing Black and Gold into this place. I’d surely be dead!

We arrived at the tailgate lot to a few boos here-and-there, however, being that I was with a Browns fan it must have been some sort of sign of unity… that I wasn’t a complete asshole. The fans were actually quite nice! Hospitable even! I had a few drinks, ate some food with good people, and even participated in a trivia game.

The tailgate scene in Cleveland is really good. The food is great, alot of beers, and surprisingly not too many drunk assholes. I saw someone dressed up in an orange astronaut suit, complete with a Browns logo. The space Browns tribute made my day. On the way in I did get a few “fuck you Bettis!” here or there, which is understandable as the adrenaline/ booze effect of the first kickoff the season brings slight chaos.

We walked through the sea of Brown and Orange, past the “Fuck Pittsburgh” t-shirts and dawg bones for sale. We hired a sherpa to take us on the hike to our nosebleed seats. We were seated for the national anthem, fly-over, kickoff, and most of the game. Mainly, because the dude in front of us got yelled at by a lady behind us to sit down as her son couldn’t see. He explained to her that he paid “80 fucking dollars for an NFL opening day to watch the Browns fuck the Steelers in the ass” and then calmly sat down. He also rubbed my belly and tried high-fiving me with each Browns score. The sad part was, the Browns were scoring..almost at the rate the Steelers were.

The game itself started out fast, Steelers punt block for a TD on the first possession. The Browns scored to even it up and the Steelers broke the tie toward the end of the half with a Jesse James TD after an amazing AB catch and run. 14-7 at half, comfortable lead.

Halftime in Cleveland- Dog races! Yes, I know, fucking awesome. Wiener dogs running every which way. Some sitting down, 2 humping, and 1 eventually crossing the finish line in the end zone.

Second half of this game was very interesting. Browns hit a FG, 14-10. Steelers then score a TD, 21-10. Still very comfortable. Browns fans quiet at this point. Then, the near turning point of the game. One of my favorite wrestlers comes on the video board. The Miz screaming “lets go Browns!” while ripping his shirt off must have intimadated the opponents, as Deshone Kizer marches down the field, the Browns call an incredibly ballsy go-for-it on 4th-and-goal and score the TD. It’s 21-16-and what do the Browns do? They go for 2?! AND SCORE?!?!! 21-18. The crowd is going berserk. Stadium literally shaking like a small earthquake. I sat down for a minute among the chaos of high fives and belly rubs.



The Steelers have a horrible posession, punt. The defense holds steady, and AB makes a clutch grab with 3 guys near him, 1 hanging on for dear life which clinches the game to run out the clock. Ballgame. Jubilation between the few Steelers fans in my section, myself leading a “Here we go, Steelers!” chant.

Final Thoughts: TJ Watt had a hell of a game. 6 tackles, 1 int, 2 sacks. Le’veon Bell didn’t get enough touches, however, looked rusty. Antonio Brown was God-like, catching every pass thrown his way. The Browns don’t look bad themselves! Deshone Kizer very well looks like a future franchise QB, their D was solid against the run and their only weakness was guarding AB. Looking forward to a renewed rivalry with the guys from up North, although I kind of miss the days when the Browns tailgate scared me more than the team.

We made it out alive. But my God, the Browns gave us the Sunday Scaries.



Next week, Minnesota in the home opener! #Herewego!