I will just aim to relate true funny stories that happened to me and my guildmates in this game. Funny is a subjective term but hopefully you’ll find them enjoyable nonetheless. Most of the stories here feature not very skilled players, as the title indicates, but keep in mind that this is not a name-and-shame post. I won’t name guilds or players or anything like that, just share ridiculous episodes from a scrub’s perspective. Also, I do tend to go overboard with my writing and slip into purple prose, so bear with me, these stories are going to be long.I started playing ESO on July 7, 2015, which was more than a year after its release. Having all summer free, and being a TES franchise player, I decided to give it a shot. ESO was my first MMO, and given that my friends in real life seem to think that Skyrim is a first-person shooter game, you can imagine that I had no clue about anything whatsoever.I rolled a sorcerer, because I thought that sorcs were the healer class and I wanted to feel useful in dungeons. I had no idea how guilds worked, and so I just wanted to be the MVP for randoms. So yes, I was a DC sorcerer with double restoration staff and pets, because I liked the idea of having a small army at my command. Then someone told in zone chat that sorcs were better suited for DPS, and so I decided to become the best *** DPS there ever was (without switching my skills though).best DPS bar everI spent most of my life questing in DC zones and scamming players even more clueless than me from their hard-earned gold by selling blue quality motifs over 2k each. This is actually how I joined my first guild, a new French-speaking PVE oriented one, being invited by a Breton stamblade who thought 2k for a Redguard Motif was a good deal, and that I was an experienced player obviously knowing what she was doing.It took me over 45 minutes and two attempts to kill Molag Bal in the main quest with my double-resto pet bars, and it is only due to the might of my clannfear, whom I was healing with mutagen, that I finally succeeded. Also, it is worth noting that I had no keys assigned to “attack” and “block” skills, because I didn’t see the point of using light and heavy attacks, and didn’t even know that weaving or potions existed.But hey, everything was well and good in the best of worlds. I had a PVE-guild, I had reached V1 by the end of July, which for me was synonym of reaching end-game content (*how foolish was I*), and I was being called to DPS veteran level dungeons with other scrubs who clearly had no clue about how bad I was. My greatest enemy this summer was Bogdan the Nightflame, end boss of Veteran Elden Hollow. I was a vampire sorcerer, because I thought vampires were cool (*team Edward till the end*), and for the love of Talos I could not finish that dungeon, no matter what pug teams I rolled with, or how hard we tried. And being a presumptuous and childish person, naturally I refused the recognise that the problem might lie in my DPS output.Our intense PVE-hero training regiment consisted of drunk naked dungeon runs.After two weeks of trying to kill that Daedric foul beast in between questing sessions, I gave up, cleansed myself of vampirism (and damn, 600g seemed like a big amount for me, who barely had enough to level up my horse), and tried again. And… failed again because being a vampire was not the problem >