Malcolm Sandney-Saunders has taken to wearing a loosely tied robe while staring out his living room window while drinking coffee and scratching himself

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Billy Neepawa has navigated a lot in his neighborhood to bring it to the livability that is the envy of most Portage la Prairians. He’s dealt decisively and graciously with an assortment of ne’er-do-wells, religious zealots and noisy naysayers. He has battled rouge felines and lost dogs along with a pregnant skunk or two. None of these challenges are as disturbing as his latest dilemma.

From Neepawa’s living room he is afforded a perfect view of Malcolm Sandney-Saunders picture window that now frames the robe clad Sandney-Saunders up to fourteen hours a day.

“I noticed it about a week ago when I was out walking the cats,” Neepawa explained. “It was five in the morning and he’s standing there in nothing than a loosely tied robe with all the lights on. I was so shocked I stepped on one of my cat’s tail.”

According to other neighbours the bath robe model stands at this window for much of the day drinking coffee and scratching himself in a variety of locations.

“It’s starting to freak me out,” Neepawa shared. “He’ll raise his mug when he sees me looking at him but he’s always scratching something with the other hand. If he’s not drinking or eating he sometimes scratches with both hands.”

Local historian Gerald Kostecki lives next to Neepawa and has warned his wife about the disturbing neighbour.

“Billy gave me a heads up so my wife keeps our curtains pulled all the time now. I told Ethel(Kostecki) to make sure she averts her eyes because on more than one occasion I’ve seen Rome when his robe comes apart.”

CIPP -TV intrepid reporters knocked on Sandney-Saunders door to see if he was aware of his neighbour’s concerns.

“This is the first I’ve heard of it,” Sandney-Saunders said. “I just started working at the French fry factory and I’ve got nothing to do on my 3 days off. The shift work messes with my sleep so I just look out the window until I get tired. I guess I could throw on some sweats after my shower next time.”

Wearing sweats and a T-shirt will provide the access needed for Sandney-Saunder’s scratching and no doubt reduce his neighbour’s sightings of Rome and their discomfort.

“I like my street. Lot’s of nice people here,” Sandney-Saunders said. “That weird guy with the cat is cool and I don’t even mind the church people down the street. Ethel is real sweet too. She always brings me cookies and muffins when her goof of a husband is at work.”

Click here to read the full disclaimer/disclosure. Bottom line is that this story along with all the others found on this website are fictional and not real. Sad to have to tell people this. Sadder when people don’t know what the word fiction means. That is why we keep adding these ridiculous disclaimers at the bottom of every story and the link to all the legal stuff. Billy Neepawa isn’t real but he is amazing. Portage la Prairie is real but all the other characters are made up. They are quite fanciful at times.

Photo Credit: Ron Frazier