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Health Care Late-Night Jokes



1. "The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil." —Sarah Palin, in a message posted on Facebook about Obama's health care reform plan, Aug. 7, 2009 (Source)



2. "To our seniors, I have a message for you: you're going to die sooner." –Sen. Tom Coburn (R- Okla.), on what will happen if health care reform passes, Dec. 1, 2009 (Source)



3. "If ObamaCare passes, that free insurance card that’s in people’s pockets is gonna be as worthless as a Confederate dollar after the war between the states — the Great War of Yankee Aggression." –Rep. Paul Broun (R- Ga.), March 18, 2010 (Source)



4. "Baby Killer!" -Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-Texas), shouting at Rep. Bart Stupak (D-MI) as he spoke on the House floor during the health care vote. Stupak had led a group of pro-life Democrats who fought to change language in the bill to prevent federal funds from being used for abortions, but ended opposition after reaching a last-minute deal with President Obama, March 21, 2010 (Source)



5. "They intend to vote on the Sabbath, during Lent, to take away the liberty that we have right from God. This is an affront to God." –Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa), interview with Glenn Beck, March 18, 2010 (Source)



6. "Don't get sick, and if you do get sick, die quickly." –Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.), summing up the Republican health care plan (Source)



7. "Obama's got a health care logo that's right out of Adolf Hitler's playbook … Adolf Hitler, like Barack Obama, also ruled by dictate." —Rush Limbaugh, Aug. 6, 2009 (Source)



8. "You have three people in the White House that are in love with eugenics or whatever it is you would call it today. … Please dear God, read history. Please dear God read the truth of what these people have said in their own words, and ask yourself this one question: Do you trust these people enough to give them control over who lives and who dies? Because that's what health care is when you have no other choice but to go to the state." —Glenn Beck, comparing health care reform to Nazi eugenics (Source)



9. "We should not have a government program that determines if you're going to pull the plug on grandma." —Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA), Aug. 12, 2009 (Source)



10. "That's why people need to continue to go to the town halls, continue to melt the phone lines of their liberal members of Congress, and let them know, under no certain circumstances will I give the government control over my body and my health care decisions." —Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), a pro-lifer who completely missed the irony of using the same slogan as the pro-choice movement (Source)



Bonus Quote: "Exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system." —Rush Limbaugh, June 12, 2009 (Source)



~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman



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