Boxer shorts suck. I love tighty whities!I cant understand how people can wear boxer shorts. I tried the whole boxer thing in the summer between 8th and 9th grade. I gave it a chance, I really did. But with boxer shorts, it was all too apparent that I was wearing them.The most common complaint about briefs are that theyre like putting grapes in a trash compactor (if you catch my drift). This is an absurd argument, one that hold be true only if: (A) One wore briefs that were about 6 inches too small or (B) one possesses "equipment" the size of a lead pipe (if the reader of this entry happens to be a male, dont even try to claim that you are equipped with such a farfetched instrument. You and I both know youre not). Actually, nothing can be felt. Thats the great fashion farce of our time. Truth is, you put on briefs and then you forget that theyre even there.Boxer shorts produce far worse side-effects on the wearer. They are those stingy, loud, and annoying kids at the supermarket who throw fruity pebbles at the cashier and laugh when it hits directly in the eyes, just to make their pesky presence known. Boxers ride up so that every fifteen minutes, one has to stuff their hands down their pants like a dirty drunkard to get everything readjusted again. And also the "freedom" that boxer wearers swear by is more of a detriment than anything else. You see, the male anatomy hangs down between the legs, and without any article of clothing implemented to hinder movement, it feels as if you have a fish out of water taped in your waist area, exuberantly flopping around, slapping the sides of your leg like a pendulum on crack. Perhaps it was because I tried out boxers in the summer, but because the fabric doesnt contact the groin area, boxer shorts gave me a new definition of "ball sweat". Have you ever observed a melting icicle? The way the water drips off the bottom of the icicle. Well, because boxer shorts dont adequately absorb perspiration, sweat drips like a leaky faucet from the lowest hanging hair on the scrotum (I know it sounds gross, but it feels alot more revolting). No such annoyances can be found with tighty whities, which absorb sweat before it can even muster an attack. And because of the accumulated sweat that occurs with boxer wearing, the low hanging anatomy will oftentimes stick to the groin area. Personally, I dont find it quite relieving to feel like a grape jelly dipped slug on steroids is smothered on the side of my thighs.While Im on this rant, there are two myths about tighty whities that Im here to annihilate with the power of fact on my side.Myth #1: Tighty whities lower sperm count, therefore making the climax of sex not as climatic. Hmmmm, really? Gee, then I guess I was a miracle of life, being that my dad wore briefs. Oh, and so did your dad as well. Actually, so did virtually every boy and man in the hippie-laced 60's, the punkrock 70's, and the neon 80's, up until Nirvana released their Nevermind album. White, black, hispanic, asian... All babyboomer males were united together under the skimpy flag of briefs.Truth is, medical science has shown that while briefs may slightly lower sperm count, its by such an insignificant number that its not worth any mentioning. And also, for those who havent taken sex ed yet, there is a difference between sperm and semen. You see, no matter whether you wear boxers, briefs, or thongs for that matter, the male body produces a certain amount of seminal fluid. While the living amount of little swimmers within this nectar may vary, it does not effect the amount that the body lets out when... well... you know. Underwear does not play an impact on the intensity of sexual climax.Myth #2: Boys who wear tighty whities are not as endowed as those who wear boxer shorts. Ho man, this one is my favorite because of the lack of sense it makes. Lets think about this for a second. If you see a guy in a pair of briefs, theres not much he can hide. With boxers however, because of their ludicrous looseness, you couldnt tell how well endowed a person is when theyre in their underwear. Boxer shorts are essentially the curtain behind which the Wizard of Oz can hide himself behind. BOXERS NOT BRIEFS are the perfect underwear for those with smaller organs to hide their insecurity underneath. If a guy were to wear tighty whities, well, he must be proud of what hes carrying, and doesnt mind letting the whole world know what hes made of before even taking them off.BTW, as a gay person, I can say that size really isnt an issue, nor do I believe that the kind of underwear one wears is indicative of that individuals genitalia size, but I am just so fucking sick of people (mostly dumb teenagers) making asinine comments about brief wearers not being real men along with other such nonsense. I just felt that I needed to put that myth to bed.It's time. Time for guys to bring the underwear universe (and their universe) back under control. Crush this silly boxer trend which has bewitched American youth for far too long. Up with briefs (literally, lol)!