Growing up in Ireland and New York, where there are some of the most restrictive gun ownership laws in all of Europe and the United States respectively, put me very much behind the eight-ball when it comes to firearms. I’ve spent the last few years playing catch-up. I own a few guns, know enough to carry on a not-too-technical conversation, and I get myself to the range from time to time, but that’s not going to cut the mustard when the zombies get here. I know they’re coming soon, and I need to get prepping. Well, I don’t know they’re coming soon as much as I hope they are. I want to be ready and I’ve made it my goal in life to be prepared. I want you to be prepared, too. I’d like to continue writing after the apocalypse, and I’ll need an audience. Today I want to talk about silencers and clear up a few common misconceptions.

We all remember that opening scene from season three of The Walking Dead. The door flies open and in come Rick, T-Dog, Daryl, and Carl. We all know what Daryl is shooting, T-Dog has a fireplace poker, and Rick and Carl both have pistols with improvised silencers. Rick’s Glock 17 has a Maglite attached to it. Carl’s Beretta 92FS is sporting a sawed-off aluminum bat hose-clamped to the muzzle. Both fire their weapons within the first two minutes. When they do, you hear the familiar sound that Hollywood has been telling us for decades is the sound of a gun with a silencer being fired. It’s barely louder than Daryl’s crossbow. It almost sounds like someone trying to spit something very small out of their mouth, like the strawberry seed that they finally managed to tongue out from between two teeth.

In reality, a gun with a silencer attached to it sounds just like a gun without one, only a little quieter. People who know their way around firearms don’t even call them silencers, but sound suppressors, or just suppressors. How much they suppress the sound of the gunfire depends on a lot of factors, including the type of ammunition, the gun being fired, and the type of suppressor being used, but the average is thirty decibels. That’s about the hum of a refrigerator motor, not a huge difference. Again, there are a lot of variables, so do your research before purchasing or fabricating the right suppressor for your firearm. Please research your local statutes beforehand, as well. Unfortunately, suppressors are not legal everywhere. Here in the U.S., they are legal in most states, with the exception of ten or so (I’m sure you can probably guess which ones). You can own them, or make them, but they have to be registered with the A.T.F. and you’ll pay a $200 tax stamp.

Remember, zombies are attracted to the sounds of chaos. Screams, crashes, glass shattering, and gunfire all sound like a proverbial dinner-bell ringing to the undead. Obviously, you’ll want guns during the apocalypse, and you’ll want those guns to have suppressors, but don’t think those suppressors will give you the freedom to fire at will. When the time comes, your guns will have just as much potential to doom you as they will to save you. A bullet should be the absolute last resort in defending yourself.

See you in the apocalypse.