It’s a free and sometimes automatic service for visually impaired viewers that follows their moves and those of the people around them and allows a third party to narrate their existence, so they can get an idea of where they are and what is happening around them. So, for example, if I were at a cafe, and I took a step, the band playing on the radio at the cafe would say “step,” or the word “step” would be projected into the room somehow, at that exact moment the step took place, in order to help the visually-impaired listener know what was happening.

These are referred to as Delusions of Reference, Delusions of Grandeur, or Psychosis by Mr. and Mrs. Psychiatrist. However, the phenomenon is not caused by a mental chemical imbalance. Once again, the culprit is network technology, and pills are not needed.

All of my “referential” ills went away after my father, who was severely visually impaired, died, but I am still *medicated* for them, as I was misdiagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, and the appellation stuck.

I was doubly psyched out (no pun intended), because the personal pronouns were always switched around for me in the auditory messages, but it makes sense in retrospect, because the TVs and computers were purchased on my father’s credit, and the intended listener was him, although he rarely or never used technology himself, so I felt the brunt of the attack, and succumbed to paranoia because everyone *was* talking about me, often in the negative tone. The voices were never IN my head. They were directed at me from a weakly coinciding TV or radio or speakerbox, always. Sometimes even outside the home, which filled me with guilt and shame at having my (often falsely hypothetical) thoughts and actions broadcasted to the world, and every movement and action shadowed in music and telecast.

So, in conclusion:

A. Specialists are inclined to see things in their own way, and are often wrong because of it.

B. You should always make purchases on cards and accounts held in your own name, sourced by your own funds, for your own use.

C. Your parents were always there to embarrass you, even when it seemed rationally impossible for them to be the ones responsible.

Once I was bitten by the “black dogs” of medical mythology by being declared mentally ill, they never let go.

Close to ten years of meds for this, now, and I am fat, ugly, jobless, in debt, tired, ahedonic, have a bad rap sheet (read: was jailed repeatedly) for rebelling against my highly damaging medications and failing to meet hospital deadlines, hospital-riddled by doctors who always quack the same 10 questions and never give a solution or get at the root of the problem, I’m a failed suicide, often sleepless, twitch my legs uncontrollably *permanently* from atypical antipsychotics, and fatherless, as a result of ignorance of a simple technology, waterfalling medication side effects, the carelessness of society, and the greed of medical professionals and whomsoever else stood to profit. *********************** Another thing to remember is that artists explicitly seek to relate directly with their audience, and as a result, it’s completely normal to feel vain and feel like you’re a part of the story. That’s the magic of imagination. An increased focus on patterns and hidden meanings and symbolism from art is something that is not only inherent in people as they age into adulthood, it is something that is actively cultivated by educators. It allows you to acquire more meaning from the works you study than someone who only browses an artists work in a cursory fashion. Combining symbols from different artists to generate new meaning is a hallmark of great creativity in artists and writers, and it is only natural for a person’s mind to analyze the universe this way. It’s a fundamental mechanic of what makes allegorical thinking more potent, and the more works you are able to combine into a single framework, the more you can discover about the world and how people view it. Furthermore, relating the characters in the story to yourself is often the whole point of subjecting yourself to the tragedies and comedies of art, and there shouldn’t be anyone to tell you that you don’t bear a resemblance to maybe Jesus from the Bible, or Neo from the Matrix, or whichever people are described in the stories you read about. The foundation of communication is learning new things about the world by comparing reality to the works, and drawing parallels with real life to determine if they hold meaning for you personally. Is this delusion or schizophrenia? I don’t know, I just think it’s how people experience art, but doctors often think otherwise, call you delusional or paranoid, and put you on medications, which cause horrible side effects, negatively impact your brain chemistry, and eventually lead to creating in people what are traditionally accepted from the mental health manual as the common symptoms of schizophrenia, requiring even more medications, when all the person really may be suffering is gullibility stemming from an addiction to fictional or fantastic thinking. What do the police mental health unit think? I sent my mother a text message comparing my city to the Dune novels written by Frank Herbert’s very talented and imaginative son, and when they arrived at my house within 5 minutes of my sending the text, entered my home without a warrant, asked me to turn off my phone, and then tackled me to the ground when I complied, eventually taking me to the mental hospital for weeks, I wasn’t sure what to think about myself and the time I spent examining science fiction and art for insight into how the world works. This was the first in what turned out to be a string of unwanted run-ins with police and hospitals, causing me to become fearful for my life and sanity. Not all thoughts, MUST be rational and derived from traditional thinking, as that confines us to what we already know, and, in fact, irrational thinking is what creates the cognitive dissonance that allows people to learn and discover things about the universe which may be previously unknown and often lead to new inventions or discoveries or points of view. *********************** My legs have never been shakier. Some old doctor who shall remain unnamed probably gave me the same drug they give to athletes to maintain sustained twitching in their legs as a manner of passively exercising them. I can feel the movement, but it is uninhibited and uncontrolled, and I can’t feel the burn. There really should be a burning sensation. My thighs are like jello at this point, and I’m usually too oxygen-weary/ lactic-acidic-ally heavy to go out and do stuff. http://www.nytimes.com/…/for-runner-with-ms-no-pain…

For Runner With M.S., No Pain While Racing, No Feeling at the Finish www.nytimes.com “Despite a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis three years ago, Kayla Montgomery, 18,… has gone on to become one of the fastest young distance runners in the country.” This goes hand in hand with the “performance-enhancing” Provigil (sleep deprivation aide) they gave to me when I was a heavily-tranquilized university student. You have no idea of the difficulty the body has in dealing with two diametrically opposed medications in a persons body; both wanting to do something productive and being too tired and restless to do it. Health professionals will try anything on college students. That’s all the student health services department is for. Abortions, inoculations, and experiments, all mediated by referrals to in-network doctors. It’s the same for athletes. Just look at what was done to Mohammad Ali and Lance Armstrong for proof.

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