But there's a big problem with any plan to impeach Obama right now: the House of Representatives can impeach the president, sure, but he'd stand trial before a Democratically-controlled Senate, who would certainly not remove him from office of the basis of any current charge against him, including the whole thing with the birth certificate. That is where Monckton comes in with his seven steps for victory. "For no one expects 'Democrat' senators to do their duty, even when confronted with overwhelming evidence that Black Jesus, as Obama’s fawning White House coterie call him, has flouted the Constitution itself," Monckton writes. Republicans will have to take another approach.

Step One: "Stop being panty-waists."

The problem, Monckton begins is essentially that Republican members of Congress are afraid to go public with what they know is the truth — that Obama's birth certificate is clearly fake: "the real reason why no congressman has yet moved to set up a congressional inquiry into the self-evidently bogus 'birth certificate' that festers to this day on the White House website," Monckton writes, "is that they are terrified that the left will work night and day to trash the reputation of anyone who dares to question Mr. Obama’s legitimacy."

The solution? Man up (see: this step's header). Birther Republicans should "band together" and call a congressional inquiry into the president's birth certificate anyway. For his troubles, Monckton says, "I should like the honor of being the first witness."

Step Two: Call Hundreds of Public Officials Before Congress.

Monckton wants to know why the attorney general of Hawaii, the head of the Secret Service, and the head of the FBI haven't answered his letters about Obama's birth certificate. Also, he eventually wants to arrest them, along with "hundreds" of other public officials who also didn't respond to queries about Obama's now public birth certificate: "They will be jailed with [Obama] when their failure to act when the evidence was put under their noses becomes a focus of the ever-widening investigation."

Step Three: Visit Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

"The GOP caucus should get its wobbly bottom down to Phoenix and get itself up to speed on the investigation," Monckton writes of an ongoing effort by Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's ongoing effort to "prove" that Obama's birth certificate is fake (the investigation is run by the nonprofit Maricopa County Sheriff's Office Cold Case Posse). Arpaio's lead birther investigator Mike Zullo has promised that their investigation is "universe-shattering." Originally intended to remove Obama from the 2012 ballot for re-election, Arpaio has repeatedly claimed that Obama's birth certificate is "forged." Monckton would like Republican members of Congress to use this investigation as its basis, because "the sheriff has now called in professional, full-time detectives to supplement the unpaid volunteers ... Joe Arpaio would never have taken that step unless he were very sure of his ground."