You didn’t think you were getting off the hook tonight, did you Florida? Get ready to travel to any era of your deepest desires, as a Winter Park (Orlando-ish) man has the deal of the century on a custom built time machine. Now, nitpickers might try to tell you that this is just a mountain bike with a bunch of wires and gadgets strapped to it, but why would someone lie about something like this?

I mean, this is a Craigslist ad, for Pete’s sake. If you can’t trust Craigslist, what can you trust?

A real marvel of future science . This device is capable of traveling different dimensions and time periods. Endorsed by Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein. This here is not an ordinary bike by any means. It breaks my heart even considering posting this time traveling machine on Craigslist. This technology comes with great power, so it must be handled with great responsibility. I will only sell this machine to whoever can prove themselves worthy of obtaining such power. I have seen the dark face of humanity as I traveled to the year 3017. I cannot explain the gruesome end that our children’s children will face. I was not powerful enough to stop the evil, so that’s why I am selling this machine. I want to be 100% sure that the next owner has what it takes to save the human race. I have had a lot of adventures with this machine, and I have met a lot of history’s most influential figures, but the real purpose of this time machine is to save humanity. I will be waiting for the next rider of time to come forth. Come ready with a good proposal of why you are worthy enough. Basic bike riding skills a MUST!!!

Um, how about a spoiler alert, buddy? Some of us were really looking forward to finding out what happens in 3017 on our own.