In one of their better headlines, TMZ reports about The Fighter and I Heart Huckabees director David O. Russell, “Transgender Niece Tells Cops — He Groped My Breasts.” They go onto say that she’s not even a blood relative, so I don’t really see what the big deal is.

David O. Russell — the Oscar-nominated director behind “The Fighter” — is under investigation in Florida for copping a feel of his 19-year-old transgender niece … but Russell told cops it was totally consensual.

David O. Russell is a hyper-intellectual director raised in New York City by a Jewish father and Catholic mother. He’s in Florida for five minutes and BOOM! Busted for feeling up a tranny relative. Oh, Florida. (*sad trombone, banjo run*)

The Broward County Sheriff’s Dept. has confirmed … Russell has been accused of inappropriately grabbing his niece’s breasts during a workout session at a South Florida hotel gym on Dec. 30.

According to the police report taken 3 days after the incident, Russell’s niece … who was born a man and is currently in the preoperative phase of her transition … told cops the two had been doing abdominal exercises when he asked questions about her transformation.

The niece — who does NOT have a blood relation to Russell — told cops they began to talk about her breasts … and how certain hormones she’s taking have made them larger.

According to the report, the niece claims Russell then “put his hands under [her] top and felt both breasts.”

Cops say the woman said she felt “uncomfortable” … but admitted she “did not ask him to stop at any time.”

I know my friends over at the Take Back the Night Rally probably won’t agree with me on this, but I think if you don’t ever ask the guy to stop, you lose the right to get the cops involved. Unless you were gagged at the time. That would almost certainly be cop-worthy.

Investigators later contacted Russell … and according to the report, the director confirmed he DID touch his niece’s breasts … but only after she gave him permission.

Cops say Russell explained that during the conversation about her chest, the niece informed him that one of her breasts was bigger than the other. The official report says … Russell told cops his niece then “allowed [him] to feel both of [her] breasts.”

According to the report, Russell told cops his niece asked him to “pinky swear” that he would never tell anyone about the incident.

In the police report, one of the investigators notes, “Russell stated [his niece] is always causing drama since the transgender transformation and has become very provocative and seductive.” [TMZ]

Yeah… I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this is probably the niece’s attempt to get famous. …Hey, wait a second… This niece, it’s Courtney Stodden, isn’t it. Now that I think about it, David O. Russell’s drama-loving, pre-op tranny niece is definitely Courtney Stodden. Somebody get me that police report, I bet it’s full of alliteration.