What is reality? Usually it is the clash between what we fantasize about and what is. After 11 years of marriage and three kids – reality has become a series of expectations that need to be met…and in trying to meet those expectations – we sometimes are left exhausted and overwhelmed. While this reality has become an inevitable state in our lives, my husband and I have figured out how to masterfully and passionately make our sex life exactly what it needs to be to survive the expectations life throws at us.



By making him my playground, and using his body as a recess for mine, I have built my own time out space. When friends tell me that they are too tired for sex, I tell them that is when you are suppose to have it. When you are run down, when you are positively done, you’re body needs to release that shit energy and turn it into passion. I feel like throughout the years we have used many different tools to keep our days focused on making it to our nights. During the day we discuss mortgage payments, taxes, tuition and our children’s behaviors – if that becomes your life, you begin to resent the man or woman that created that life with you. While this sounds quite emotional, sex is really about something different for us. It’s all about the physical. It is not the time to emotionally work through anything, for me it’s a time to just enjoy the absolute physicality of it. I don’t want to think about how we are feeling, by the time night rolls around, I just want to feel. And I think that people who need to have everything going swell to have a good orgasm are just cheating themselves out of some good fun and some sound sleeping.



Sex is not the time to work on your relationship, and what goes on the bedroom should not reflect that. Women and men are too tired for sex because sex has come to mean something more than good fun to them. And that’s not worth it. Even if my husband and I are battling it out over an issue when the lights go out it’s all touch and no thought. Just because we have masterfully learned to meet in that fabulous little space every night, my husband and I do have different thoughts going into a hot night – some thoughts are controversial regarding fantasies vs. being in the moment, and we have found that when we analyze what makes our sex life so fabulous different things work for each of us. Which is cool because we still meet exactly in the same place. We wanted to open up this conversation with an audience, perhaps with the motive to help couples figure out how to have fabulous steamy sex without fabulous cost.