verticality Thu 08-Aug-19 10:10:00

DH and I felt exactly the same way. Being kind of indifferent to having kids or not is not something that is spoken about very much in the media. You're supposed to know, definitively, one way or the other. I think this is partly what creates such an intense Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) around this issue - there is very little visibility given to the childless in media and advertising, so people don't really know what that 'looks' like.



We made the decision against on the grounds that we couldn't really justify it ecologically since we didn't feel a pressing need (having a kid is one of the very worst things you can ever do for the environment). I also came to the conclusion that the argument that you needed kids to have a social circle and something to do in your older age was bogus - I wouldn't want hypothetical kids to have to look after me anyway, and I have confidence in my ability to create and maintain friendships because I've already done that over a period of being so ill I was bed-ridden. Getting older still scares me, but I don't think having children would relieve the core of that anxiety really.



Another factor is that, watching friends with kids, it seems really a devastating combination of tiring and boring, particularly when they are very young. I'm sure it feels a bit different if they are your own, but honestly, there looks to be a whole world of drudgery and extremely hard work associated with it. I couldn't honestly be sure that this labour would be shared equally between DH and myself - he already has the big Star Job, and I didn't want to have to sacrifice the last vestiges of a shot at the creative and fulfilling career I want, or to become the resentful SAHP who misses out. We also both have parents who are a PITA, so there would be no help from another generation - we'd be utterly on our own with it, which I think can be really lonely and hard.