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“I was simply retelling a story verbatim,” he said.

“I’m not the Daily Telegraph, I’m not going to exaggerate and outright lie just to make something sounds better – or worse than it actually is!”

Earlier this afternoon, Stacey Kelly found himself being cringed at repetitively over lunch as he recounted a story from a recent bucks weekend he was on – repeating every word as it was spoken.

He spoke briefly to our reporter this afternoon in the smoking pokies at the South Betoota RSL Club where he explained that he did nothing wrong and his co-workers need to lighten up.

“All I said was, ‘so the dumb cunt went and did it, despite us telling him not to,’ and my boss’ mouth puckered up like a fucking cat’s arse! Two female coworkers of mine let out a big sigh and rolled their eyes,” he said, coughing up something he later spat and rubbed into the pokie room carpet with his Hush Puppy.

“Jumping Jesus, lighten up would you? It’s just a word!”

One of the female coworkers Stacey mentioned took time out of her bust afternoon of trying to keep a level of decorum around her office to speak to our reporter about what happened at lunch.

Asking to remain anonymous, she explained that when Stacey saw his first c-bomb didn’t generate the laughter and backslaps he thought it deserved, he doubled down.

“Why,” she asked rhetorically.

“Men are so weird. Not all men but men like Stacey who can’t read a room. Jesus Christ, mate. Please don’t say that word around me! It is not nice! I’d say that to his face but he’s my superior so I just have to pretend laugh and wish I’d listened more in school and had a better job!”

“Oh well!”

More to come.