Sir John Chilcot urged to get a head start on Syria inquiry

Starting the Syrian war inquiry today will give us a chance of seeing it delivered on time, experts have said this morning.

The Right Honourable Sir John Chilcot, head of the inquiry into the Iraq war, has been pre-emptively appointed chair of the committee investigating intelligence failings leading up to the Syrian war, for when they are inevitably uncovered.

Sir John told reporters today, “My first report into the Iraq war is now nearly seven years late. We blamed politicians, the media and an unexpectedly lengthy spellcheck. To be honest I got really into Skyrim and forgot about it.

“But I’m being paid £790 every day the thing isn’t published, so who is really the idiot here?

“Anyway if I start looking into the inevitable problems with our Syrian military intervention now, and assuming no really good games come out, I should be finished around the time British ground troops start to pull out and Labour come back into power.

“This report is progressing much faster than the previous one. They say history never repeats itself, but luckily for me it does because it means I can use the copy and paste feature.”