Parents Make Son Vape Entire Whatever the Heck That Is

DENVER — Tonya and Jim Belding caught their teenage son inhaling vaporized smoke from “some bewildering contraption” last week, according to sources close to the family, later forcing the boy to consume an entire “pack or bottle or whatever” as punishment.

A horrified Mrs. Belding reportedly discovered her son abusing scented water vapor when she stopped home early on Wednesday afternoon.

“I had to grab some stuff I needed for work — it smelled like someone had been painting the walls with Fruity Pebbles or something,” said Mrs. Belding. “I saw smoke coming from upstairs, so I ran to Kevin’s room to see what was going on. Turns out, he’s up there cutting class and downloading cigarettes!”

At that point, an emotional Mrs. Belding contacted her husband at work, prompting him to use a sick day and come home early. After a private deliberation to discuss how to move forward, Mr. Belding took action.

“I told him that the vape man who sold him that poison juice would be dealt with next,” Mr. Belding said. “But first, to put his drugs into outside mode, and meet us on the porch, right now. I just can’t believe he booted up an electronic smokeable in my house.”

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Eyewitnesses confirm the Beldings watched the punishment, as their son spent the next 30 minutes enjoying the cereal-flavored e-liquid he’d purchased at a local smoke shop.

“There’s no evidence that e-cigs are life threatening,” said Devin Browning, owner of Vapor Die. “I’m glad to see a kid like Kevin taking care of himself by not smoking. Not everyone sees it this way, but it really is a responsible decision. Sounds like his parents mean well, but they don’t really get it, huh?”

Fearing their punishment was backfiring, the Beldings made one last move. “Kevin said his battery was running out, and it looked like he still had a lot of the vape sauce left, so we made him drink it,” said Mr. Belding. “That really didn’t go well. Like, at all. He’s at the ER with his mother now.”

“God, I hope he’s alright,” he added solemnly. “Drinking that couldn’t have been good for his lungs.”

Photo by Thomas Fricilone @ThomasFricilone.