Once again, it has come to my attention that humans are planning to celebrate the Fourth of July — American Independence Day — in ways that have not earned the Paw of Approval. I can’t believe these shocking infractions are being repeated again this year! Kitties, please remind your humans that only certain activities should be performed on Fourth of July, and that others must not be done — on the Fourth and preferably not on any other day, either.

Here is a list of approved activities for the Fourth for both kitties and humans:

Napping in sun patches

Playing with red, white and blue cat toys

Playing with laser toys after dark

Grilling meat, especially chicken

Serving catnip in festive bowls

Decorating the house with red, white and blue crepe paper streamers so the cats can tear them down and destroy them.

The following are expressly forbidden:

Fireworks of any sort. It does not matter if they are legal in your town — cats have deemed them illegal, and Cat Law overrides city law in matters of fireworks.

Wasting valuable grill space with vegetables and buns

Ruining grilled meat with barbecue sauce

Water sports of any kind

Is any part of this not clear?

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