Imagine – for what else can we do when, to quote the Irish author Colum McCann, “the days stretch out on a rack” – an entirely different Green Party tasked with returning life to its pre-Covid factory settings.

A world where, rather than Fine Gael and Fianna Fail seeking coalition with Eamon Ryan, a tired nation requested its most storied sporting luminaries to form a government and set about a miracle of restoration.

A cabinet of formidable high achievers who would act as a rescue ship for Ireland’s drowning morale.

Might the list below offer a head of state and government to point a wounded people back toward the stars?

President– Brian Kerr

A storyteller, an urban poet, his beatnik vocabulary – “wojus”, “malojen”, “have a ging” - an antidote to doom. A painter of entrancing word pictures, his husky chuckle, mischievous eyes and the intelligent, infectious gaiety of his being would offer a wounded nation a healing wash of hope.

Imagine the uplifting music of him welcoming, say, Queen Elizabeth to the Aras: “Jaysus, Boris Johnson’s government is in rag order, Your Majesty, that Michael Gove is an uppity whinge bag. Not that Jeremy Corbyn was exactly a Dead Eye Dick. Does Philip still take a sneaky gargle?”

Taoiseach – Jim Gavin

The anti-Trump. Stoic, unhysterical, adult, high-achieving, pragmatic, diligent, bright, meticulous, data-led. And, as illustrated so splendidly last September, the master of the five-year plan. An ego-free facilitator who recruits and empowers experts, specialists and scientific minds.

A leader in the Merkel mode. A proven record for calm problem-solving in the face of crisis (Kerry, in last year’s drawn final just one thread in a tapestry of recoveries from unpromising odds), an ideological flexibility that permits rapid adapting to changed circumstances (his tactical sea-change post-Donegal 2014).

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An unblemished history for coaxing sustained excellence from his team. His professional life, first as a military officer, now at the very highest rung of aviation, is dedicated to solution-finding.

Tánaiste – Sonia O’Sullivan

In her breathtaking novel, The Mirror and The Light, Hilary Mantel quotes the Duke of Urbino on the key quality required to rule: Essere Umano – to be human. Fragile yet resilient, vulnerable but unbreakable, focused while oozing empathy, wounded and wise, O’Sullivan ticks the boxes. A female pathfinder. Smashed sport’s glass ceiling, signposting a road to elite achievement for Katie Taylor, Rachael Blackmore, Annalise Murphy, Derval O’Rourke, Kellie Harrington and Nina Carberry.

Finance – Anyone bar John Delaney

Health – Gary O’Toole

A nation whose account at the bank of anxiety is catastrophically overdrawn urgently requires a bail-out of the precious currency of reassurance. A few gold bars of expertise, fearlessness, independence and straight-talking.

O’Toole is both a consultant orthopaedic surgeon and an Olympian whose integrity demanded that rather than cheerlead Michelle Smith, he raise suspicions about his fellow swimmer. Truth over spin. The selfless frontline titans deserve exceptional leadership. The inspirational, visionary, sunburst-personality that is transplant surgeon and Dublin star of the 1970s David Hickey would offer additional wise counsel.

Science, Technology and Innovation – Padraig Harrington

A restless, eternally curious, slightly zany, nutty-professor worldview combines with a tireless work ethic and the glow of his personality to make Harrington the perfect fit to pioneer new ways of approaching problems.

The fertility of his imagination could yield an abundant harvest of possibility. An open mind and a willingness to look foolish was vital to an artisan talent’s advance to golf’s uplands. Forever experimenting, researching and scrutinizing, he is the kooky, immensely likeable uncle every kid hopes will call around at Christmas.

Justice – Roy Keane

Of course, it would be chaos. Ten years in the ‘Joy for joggers soft enough to wear PPE face-masks, a mandatory life sentence for any deli owner selling prawn sandwiches, a summer of hard labour for students who “fail to prepare” for the Leaving Cert, immunity from prosecution for anybody spilling a pint over Jason McAteer.

A stare that provokes a thousand fears. Amid the tumultuous pandemonium, there would be much needed light relief.

Education – Ronan O’Gara

A natural-born teacher. His TV appearances are dazzling tutorials. Has a rare flair for distilling things down to their essence. Scholarly introspection combines with a twinkle in the eye.

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The clarity with which he analyses, his ability to engage an audience, to advance knowledge while communicating in a way that is both compelling and challenging would set the blood quavering in the veins of any student. It is hardly a coincidence that he is such a sought-after, hands-on rugby coach.

Morale – the O’Donovan brothers

Our new ministry with a brief to lift a bruised nation’s spirits. As a reanimating engine, a shepherd to usher a battered people back to safety, what could be better than the West Cork siblings’ good humour, conviviality, roguery and the open page of their personalities? They’d pull like dogs and steer Ireland toward redemption.

Agriculture – Willie Mullins

Combines old-school gentility with cutting-edge innovation. Has been a vocal and intelligent agitator for rural life. As a horse-whisperer he has pushed out the boundaries of high achievement. That a lovely lace of warm humanity courses through his veins smooths his path to high office.

Tourism – Liam Griffin

A man who dreams in technicolour. Forget Tourism Ireland’s March 17th wheeze of shading every iconic building on earth green. No need for buzzy Wild Atlantic Way catchphrases or even moody shots of a pint settling on the bar of some ancient tavern.

To properly market Ireland, simply place a microphone in front of Wexford’s 1996 North Star and invite him to speak from the soul. An electrifying, mesmeric, infectious wordsmith. His description of hurling as the Riverdance of Irish Sport is typical of his shiver-down-the-spine vocabulary. That he is a hotelier is an added bonus.

Gaeltacht – Tomas Ó Sé

From the first family of West Kerry sport, a son of gorgeous Ventry, the Irish language and the traditions of the Gaeltacht form an essential part of all that he is. His exceptional contributions to the Irish Independent reveal a natural born storyteller in the seanachai mode. A fountain of lived-in intelligence and easy compassion.

Foreign Affairs – Paul McGinley

Smooth, a born networker, at home in the world of sharp-suited, perma-tanned diplomats and ambassadors. At ease on the international stage, he showcased his cosmopolitan credentials both as Ryder Cup captain and host of a wildly successful Irish Open at Lahinch.

Social Protection and the Homeless – Kellie Harrington

A beacon for inner-city potential: Tough, demanding, sharp, oozing integrity, unshakably loyal to the gritty streets around Portland Row that have always been home. An ambassador for those who have known struggle. As she told Vincent Hogan last year: “I think we're all just resilient and, I don't know, street-wise really.

I do think that we're tougher than people who are not from there. And we are... because it's mad... you've grown up and you've seen... God knows what you've seen... or what you've been through.”

Arts – Eamon Dunphy

Erudite, provocative, a human library of contradictory theses. Beyond the caricature, Dunphy, owns the title deeds to an intensely inquisitive mind. A skilled writer, imbued with curiosity, close to any number of the nation’s cultural giants. If nothing else, his volcanic cabinet rows with Keane would be a source of endless entertainment.

Hope – Katie Taylor

Another newly conceived role and one where the Olympic heroine can deploy the force of her decency and can-do spirit as a slingshot against despair. Hope bubbles from the heart of an athlete who conquered both her doubts and the world.

Ceann Comhairle – Michael Lyster

Anybody who has successfully decommissioned Joe Brolly in full anarchic flight could surely smooth any turbulence a roused Dail might trigger.