Here's the thing: It's hard to ignore history. So many of the wedding traditions practiced today are deeply rooted in a patriarchal system that suggest (if not insist) that women are no more than property, easily traded and bargained for.

The parents or father of a bride giving a dowry in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage has been commonly practiced in different cultures and practiced all over the world, some even to this day. This can be anything from money, to property, to goods. Typically, the greater the dowry the greater the desire for the woman. Madness, right? Hang on. If we take a closer look, we might find that this custom hasn't actually disappeared from our traditions, as much as they have evolved into something a little easier to swallow.

The big one: Asking her father's permission. This really is only two steps away from the dowry. It goes back to when a woman's life was either in the hands of her father or husband, and a wedding was nothing more than the passing of the baton. Sure, it may seem like showing a sign of respect for Dad, but we need to be looking at the gigantic neon sign of disrespect that is being shown towards her, implying that a woman needs her father's permission and that once again she is being passed from one man to another. Please, please, please don't do this.

Traditionally, in a heterosexual relationship. the parents of the bride are expected to pay for the costs of the wedding. Sound familiar? This is a dowry in a frilly hat and an appetizer in hand. While this is a practice that seems (hopefully?) to be on the way out, it is still commonly practiced and expected. If you're looking to toss an outdated and misogynistic tradition in your upcoming nuptials, look no further.

Next, I think we need to talk about the ring. This is tough for me because if I'm being honest, I want the ring. But why? What sexist norms are my potential spouse and I falling into by practicing this custom? What heteronormative roles am I feeding in to? Why shouldn't my partner receive this token as well? Are there just simply too many red flags?

In all honesty, as my partner and I rapidly approach a probably-wouldn't-be-that-weird-if-you-proposed stage, I find myself beginning to panic. Am I falling into an outdated tradition set up by a patriarchal system? Is it possible to have a feminist wedding?

In my humble opinion, yes.

How is this possible? Hear me out. It's possible by building your marriage and partnership around your shared shared beliefs of equality, by acknowledging the deeply patriarchal roots in which marriage have risen from, by having conversations with your partner about which customs and traditions you feel comfortable practicing, and which you don't, (Feeling weird about wearing a white dress? Don't!), by coming up with new ways to celebrate your love, by laughing about the comments from your great aunt Beth about your "hippy wedding," and by having the conversation that we are having right now.