I am having a quiet day of contemplation this morning, as I sit with my coffee and think about my parents who will be right now sitting in the morning session of the Jehovah’s Witness Convention ‘Remain Loyal to Jehovah’. I happen to know from my new found ex-JW friends that the title belies messages about shunning and I wonder what will go through their heads as they watch the videos and listen to the talks about what a worthy thing that is. What a demonstration of your faith; to cause yourself the pain of separation. To voluntarily cut off your own loved ones. What martyrdom. Job-like.

“The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care. Yeah” – that is essentially the ethos behind it, although they are also lyrics from 90’s punkers Offspring in a song called Self Esteem. Its a tune about a man who just can’t let go of a girl who is clearly not interested in him, but he enjoys the pain as it feeds his low self esteem (clue’s in the title).

Causing yourself pain as a love sick teenager is one of those harsh learning curves that most people have gone through. There is a lesson in the pain – and this is probably why the 1994 song became so popular. It resonated with a slightly older age group who understood the irony of the lyrics which can only be interpreted after the learning, which is this; you are in pain because you are doing something that does not sit well in your gut. You know now, as a grown up, that when you trust your emotions quicker and sooner, it makes for a better outcome for everyone.

My tragic observation and experience of the Jehovah’s Witnesses is that they close down this emotional listening and only channel into the Watchtower frequency. All explanation for why they feel pain is excused and placated by the meetings, the Watchtower, the assemblies and each other through their exclusivity. Otherwise, what possible explanation could there be for a reasonable person to voluntarily cut off contact with their own child? The pain has to go somewhere, and when stuck in a high control religion which discourages freedom of thought and experiential learning, the pain returns in a loop as misguided zeal. ‘Suffering for love’ the insightful Jamie Catto calls it. It’s present in the very make-up of Christianity; if you suffer, you are just like the Christ! Go you!

My question is – how do we interrupt this loop? Can we listen to ourselves and be guided by feelings of discomfort and actually use them to motivate, educate and grow ourselves? I believe the answer is yes, but it is a practice that requires a commitment to developing yourself and taking a caring approach to your own existence. It also necessitates critical thinking and the ability to sit back and observe the bigger picture of what influences us. A privilege open to us all, but not taken up by those who wish to be led on the current of religious culture.

I’m sure Dexter Holland would agree with me. The writer and lead singer of Offspring is quoted to have said he found ‘mathematics just as exciting as punk rock’. He’s a molecular biologist and doctoral candidate now. I take from the song that he is a guy who from an early point educated himself to many things including the fact that self inflicted emotional pain is something to be learnt from, but treated lightly. Write a song about it, throw your hair back and dance, but don’t engage in your own martyrdom, especially for people, or organisations, who don’t give a fuck about you.

And now for a little music….