I was planning on rolling out another set of Dumpster Vinyl posts this summer or fall, but this one’s just too good to sit on that long. Plus it involves me trying to sell you something, but we’ll get to that.

I wasn’t around for the original Cold War, and chances are you weren’t either. Long story short, USA and Russia weren’t friends, there was a lot of posturing and pissing-contest kind of stuff going on with building up stockpiles of nuclear arms. The good: all of this got man to the moon much sooner than it would have happened otherwise. The bad: living in fear of nuclear weapons. You probably are familiar with the 1951 cartoon “Duck and Cover” (or the South Park spoof of it). I can’t really say if there was still lingering fear of nuclear war by 1963, but I’m sure the previous year’s Cuban Missile Crisis didn’t help things.

At any rate, President Kennedy was worried enough about it to want a better way to get the word to everyone quickly if bombs were about to drop. So the CONELRAD system (which we’ve heard about before) was replaced by the Emergency Broadcast System, which I basically remember as being the least offensive thing that ever interrupted what I was watching on TV.

I can only imagine the tough task that these “Big Sound” writers had before them. Not only did they have to convey to listeners that there was a new Emergency Broadcast System, but also that it replaced the old CONELRAD system and they would have to retrain their radio-dialing-fingers to stop tuning in to 640 or 1240. Not only that, but they’d need to somehow obscure the “emergency” part of the whole deal. You don’t really want to make listeners face their own mortality between ads for used cars and “My Boyfriend’s Back”. So what did they come up with? Sex!

That’s right! Let’s personify the new system as a silken-voiced vixen! This is why I’m doing this series, folks: for hokey stuff like this that was once someone’s good idea. This edition of Dumpster Vinyl is probably my favorite so far–it even tops Tony Bennett telling you the temperature. Without further ado, I present to you… Miss EBS!

Oh, also, there’s also some celebrities saying their names. They probably didn’t even know it was being used for this.

And, regarding that YouTube video there: I did whip up some artwork of Miss EBS.

It looks awful here, because I’m using a free WordPress template that thinks nobody every wants to enlarge images. But it looks great, scout’s honor! If you want to buy a poster, you can buy a poster! You can buy a poster at Society 6 by clicking on this link here. Buy a poster.

(Do it now before Secret Service guys come tell me about copyright law in morse code, with their fists, on my torso. But honestly,

(Also, I’ve never sold a poster before, but I would recommend the smaller sizes to get nice, crisp art. Also, let me know if the prices are too high, or if you can recommend a different site to sell through. Also, buy a poster.)

Share this: Twitter

Facebook

Like this: Like Loading... Related

Tags: +, art linketter, bobby darin, bobby rydell, bugs bunny, cold war, CONELRAD, connie francis, dean martin, ella fitzgerald, emergency broadcast system, fabian, frank sinatra, frankie avalon, jayne mansfield, jerry lewis, jim backus, jimmie rodgers, jimy stewart, johnny cash, joni james, kay starr, mel blanc, milton berle, miss ebs, mr. magoo, nat king cole, nelson riddle, nuclear arms race, pat boone, pearl bailey, sammy davis jr., SEX, shelley berman, stan freberg, steve allen, tennessee ernie ford, the thin singer, tommy sands, tony bennett, tony curtis