Dear Diary,

What the HELL?!

I can’t even believe this is happening, but Zayne is MOVING OUT… in TWO days!

I know I was trying to be supportive and give him advice and all that… But I was just trying to be nice! I didn’t really think it’d happen! Is mom on crack or something? What was she thinking?! Me and Alex and Tony are a whole year older than he is, and I know mom would never let one of us do this. Not in a million years.

I guess I can’t help feeling pretty pissed about it.

And this isn’t even about the moving out part. I meant what I said before – I think Zayne’s in way too much of a rush to grow up. I don’t mind living at home for another year or two. And honestly, I want to.

The problem is just…

Okay, you know I hate writing about this kind of thing. It makes me sound like some kind of whiny brat or something. But I can’t help how I feel about this.

I guess I just hate that Zayne ended up getting exactly what he wanted… And he didn’t even do anything to deserve it!

But I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised that he got away with it. For as long as I can remember, mom’s always seemed to pick Zayne over us… Sometimes it almost feels like she cares more about him than her own daughters.

That sounds awful of me, doesn’t it? And that’s exactly why I can’t say anything to mom about this. But this is exactly the sort of thing that always happens with mom and Zayne. It’s the same thing that happens with dad and Adam too. And after all these years, I’m still not 100% used to it, no matter how hard I try. Tony and Alex have never really seemed to mind… But I just can’t get past it.

And you know what? It almost makes sense, in an awful way. Me and Alex and Tony have been shuffled back and forth between mom and dad for as long as I can remember. Normal kids are with their parents every day. They spend their holidays and birthdays with both parents. They don’t get passed back and forth like a damn football!

Zayne gets to see mom every day, just like Adam gets to see dad every day. I guess it’s a lot easier to love a kid you don’t have to share with someone else, huh?

Now, I’m not trying to say mom and dad don’t love us. Of course they do. I know they do. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder who they love more…

I mean, mom and dad never planned to have us. We were a ‘surprise’, they say. But that’s just a nice way of saying we were a mistake. Dad and Emma wanted Adam. And mom chose to take care of Zayne when Onkel Luc died. She could have let Tante Clara and Onkel Florian take care of him. But she didn’t.

Zayne’s always complained about how much mom babies him, and how overprotective she is… But she was never as overprotective with the rest of us like she is with him. That’s gotta mean something, doesn’t it? And now here she is, letting him get away with something she’d never dream of letting me or my sisters get away with!

I dunno. I guess I should really be happy about getting Zayne out of the way, huh?

Don’t get me wrong – I love him. He’s like a brother to me. But I think it’ll be nice to not have to compete with him for mom’s attention for once.

Maybe now she can finally spend less time worrying about him, and more time thinking about her real kids.