By KATHY LETTE

Last updated at 10:19 07 June 2007

The female orgasm is more of a mystery than the

Bermuda Triangle. One of the greatest differences between the sexes is that

men always seem to be in the mood. For women, however, arousal and satisfaction are much

more complicated issues.

Research reveals that as many as 40 per

cent of women in the UK have a libido which

is limbo low, causing all kinds of resentments within a relationship.

Husbands seem bemused about female sexual dysfunction. How can a woman lose her orgasm? What is it? A sock? Is it in some sexual laundry basket waiting to be paired so it can become a multiple orgasm?

People often lose things. Their tempers. Their sense of humour. Their figures. (Do the words "control top panty hose" mean anything to you?) Their minds. But not their orgasm.

But for nearly half the female population,

the orgasm has become more elusive than

the Yeti. Couples are out there now,

searching with as much vigour and dedication as

we once looked for the Loch Ness Monster

or Amelia Earhart.

With impotence drugs such as Viagra worth more than £1.3 billion, drug companies are now keen to make profit out of female sexual dissatisfaction.

But the author Marrena Lindberg claims a more natural solution. She has written The Orgasmic Diet, a book which promises to give "all women the ability to have orgasms within two weeks, even if they have never had one before".

Even if you are lucky enough to reach orgasm regularly, the book promises to make the experiences even bigger and better.

Always greedy for more of anything, I agreed to stick to the diet for three weeks. (Hey, any diet which counsels you to devour a couple of

squares of dark chocolate every day is okay by me.) The fish oil supplements, however, proved harder to swallow. Literally. The dose the

book recommends, 2.5 of EPA and 2g of DHA, actually means eight biggish tablets a day. I’ve ingested so much fish oil I’m swimming upstream in the bath.

The fish oil is supposed to release dopamine, the feelgood chemical associated with the emotions of anticipation and desire. But by

week two, the only thing I was anticipating with desire was giving up taking so many damn

tablets.

The third element of the diet is to cut down on carbohydrates. Apparently, too much starch

stimulates serotonin.

This is also a feel-good brain chemical, but an excess makes you too hyper to surrender to a

sexy mood because you’re too busy thinking about all the things you have to do.

Men, take note. Serotonin or no serotonin, women

think of a great many things while making love. Topics include: "I wonder if my boobs would look

bigger if I lay on my side?

"I haven’t told him how much I spent on those sandals. Will he understand that it’s genetically impossible for a woman to walk

past a shoe sale and not buy something irrational and strappy?

"I glimpsed Angelina Jolie on television this morning and she looked a little plump."

Meanwhile, the only thing going through the average man’s mind while making love is "Phwoarrrrrr".

I digress. The next step is to increase your testosterone. What this means is replacing those

carbohydrates with lots of nonstarchy fruit and vegetables, plus protein at every meal.

I was also told to give up coffee. Giving up carbs was okay, but coffee? I’m a working

mother.

Still, keen to discover the New and Improved

Libidinous Me, I stuck to the rest of the diet as best I could for three weeks. With growing

excitement I waited for the wake-up call to my senses, the hormonal reveille.

Any minute now the air would crackle with sexual heat, like a fuse burning towards a bomb. I

was going to discover in myself a passion so fiery that not even that daredevil oil well capper, Red Adair, could quench it.

When that Big O came, I felt sure I’d cry out with such intense ecstasy that my neighbours

would be confused whether it was an orgasm or demonic possession. My partner wouldn’t

know whether to offer a postcoital cigarette or an exorcist.

So, what happened? Did I net the Loch Ness Monster? Did the Yeti come in from the cold? Did I discover the postcode of the Bermuda Triangle?

Yes! Yes! Yessss!!!

But was it do with the diet? Or the fact that eating less puddings and sugar means losing weight, and if you feel better about your

body, you’re more inclined to want to show it off naked and be more confident when doing so.

The more confident you are, the more relaxed you are ... and, hormonal Houston, we have lift off.

Yes, fish oils increase blood flow, crucial for sexual pleasure, but as the book also recommends

taking up exercise, it might be the daily jog which had my heart, not to mention other parts of my anatomy, pumping so furiously.

We know that men will have sex with anything. The female orgasm, however, is profoundly

dependent on the psychological and emotional landscape.

Too many men expect their wives to come home from work, make dinner, do the ironing,

finish the kids’ homework, defrost the chops for tomorrow, put the washing on, pack the dishwasher — then jump into bed purring

like a sex kitten.

But let me tell you, when a mother flops, exhausted, between the sheets, the one thing

she’s fantasising about is sleep. He’s in the mood for love. You’re in the mood for running him through with a bread knife. Especially if he hasn’t helped you all evening.

But I’m convinced that if a husband would do the odd Sensitive Thing with mange tout in the

kitchen, his wife might be inclined to do something sensitive to him, in a horizontal capacity.

Although, talking to my women friends, one of their main complaints is that too many

husbands only hug their wives when they’re horizontal. It seems to me that the trouble with married sex is not women faking orgasms, but

men faking foreplay. And as wordplay is foreplay for women, talking and hugging out of bed are vital.

All women dream of being taken — preferably by a

muscular Adonis. But most wives are being taken only for granted. So I would say forget the orgasm diet. Just help with the housework, boys, and your wife will soon be eager to show

you her appreciation.

• Kathy Lette’s latest bestseller is How To Kill Your Husband (And Other Handy Household Hints) £6.99. The Orgasmic Diet: Boost your Libido and Achieve Orgasm by Marrena Lindberg. Published by Piatkus Books. £7.99.