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TWO policemen who keep their cool and have a laugh with a cheeky motorist who refuses to give his details have become an internet hit.

The officers pulled over a van driver suspected of using his mobile phone at the wheel.

The YouTube video, which has been viewed 73,000 times, shows 20 minutes of banter which wouldn’t be out of place in a Chewin’ the Fat sketch.

The driver, who will only tell the officers he is “John, son of David”, repeatedly denies the road traffic charge.

The man claims he was going to get a banana and said: “I’m not driving today, at this point in time I am simply travelling.”

Even when he is threatened with arrest for obstruction, “John” refuses to give his date of birth because he “can’t remember coming out my mother’s water”.

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At the start of the clip, the driver is asked if his name used to be John Burns.

He replies: “I probably used to be when I was born but I didn’t consent to it because I was only wee.”

One officer tells him: “I’m asking you for your name and date of birth so I can check if you have a valid driving licence.”

The driver says: “The birth certificate is Crown Copyright and I cannot use that. You’re asking me to commit fraud.”

Showing the patience of a saint, one policeman, referring to the driver’s giggling girlfriend, asks: “See this lady here, does she ever buy you a card once a year?

"And if so, when does that happen?”

After getting a date of birth and address,, one of the officers tells the driver that he will dedicate a chapter to him in his book.

Asked by the man if he enjoys his job, the policeman quips: “I used to enjoy it – up until about 20 minutes ago.”

He then says to the driver: “You better not be putting this up on YouTube.”

When told it would be going online, the PC has a laugh saying he’s “Tam, son of wee Bobby fae the Calton”.

He stresses that it’s “wee Bobby” because “big Bobby is in the same street and you dinnae want to confuse the two of them”.

A police spokesman said: “A 44-year-old man is subject of a report to the procurator fiscal in connection with an alleged road traffic offence on November 6.”