Vintage wisdom from the pages of Playboy magazine, 1969. Reading this, it’s no wonder guys are so messed up. Just look at the sexually-charged propaganda we’ve been feeding ourselves for years. The article is actually hilarious in retrospect, and paints a pretty shallow picture of us guys as simple-minded children with one thing on their mind– getting their sticky little fingers on the prize in a Cracker Jack box. The writing is so ridiculously laced with sexual innuendo that no girl sitting in any position would stand a fighting chance against a horn-dog armed with this article. Gotta love what they call the poor gal that doesn’t cross her legs when seated– the “Philanthropist”, she’s comfortable with herself and everyone else… Keep reading for more laughs, and legs.

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Playboy magazine, The Language of Legs

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Playboy magazine, The Language of Legs

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Playboy magazine, The Language of Legs

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Playboy magazine, The Language of Legs, 1969

The ubiquity of minis and micros has produced for confirmed girl watchers an abundant display of lower limbs —a utopian leggy domain that’s a far and happy cry from the days when “a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking.” Now, thanks to a unique study by clinical psychologist John A. Blazer, what was only a pleasant pastime is also a useful science. How a girl disposes her legs when seated can instantly signal your most effective approach. Of the prevalent leg positions displayed on these pages, pay particular attention to the Schemer and the Philanthropist. According to Dr. Blazer, if the former dangles one shoe, she’s a delightfully incurable flirt, a veritable study in come-hitherness. But keep cool—the girl doesn’t always intend to deliver. The Philanthropist, however, digs talking and reading about sex and is apt to seek numerous love affairs, as she prefers constant sexual excitement. But we suggest you take note of them all; the next seated chick you meet may turn out to be a sitting duck for your romantic wiles.

Organizer: Neatness and order turn her on. Uncertainty bugs her, so proffer a definite date plan and stick to it. If she’s sitting pigeon-toed, she lacks confidence; build up her ego and she’ll do the same for you.

Schemer: Though outwardly well balanced, she actually feels threatened by men. This girl is ambitious and competitive. Gently challenge her to a game of gin rummy and manage to lose—you’ll win the bigger game.

Conformist: If you spot her at a party, head determinedly but quietly for her chair; she likes being told what to do, but doesn’t like to attract attention. A slow starter, once committed, she’s wholeheartedly yours.

Perfectionist: Concerned with impressions, she’s apt to be insecure and overly anxious. She sincerely enjoys helping others, so have a problem and tell her about it. When her sympathy becomes aroused, so does she.

Social Worker: She shares many traits with the Perfectionist but is even more selfless. Act helpless and she becomes affectionate and generous. If you indicate you really need her, she’ll put your interests ahead of hers.

Emancipated Woman: Independent and unconventional, she’s the epitome of the “new girl.” She digs her freedom, up-to-date fashion and faraway places. The Out Islands are in—take her there and you’ll be, too.

Philanthropist: Warm, easygoing and good humored, she’s comfortable with herself and everyone else. This romantic has a lot to give and she gives it freely. But don’t try to tie her down—she’s a lover of all men.

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