Pelosi: 'If I Am Not Elected Speaker, Millions Will Die'

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As rumors swirled that top Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi may not retain her leadership of House Democrats, the congressional leader offered a dire warning to her fellow Democratic congresspeople and the nation at large: "if I am not elected Speaker of the House, millions will die."

She said the death toll from her being ousted as the Dems' top congressperson would be "ten times larger" than the deaths that resulted from Trump's election, the Republican tax cuts, and Kavanaugh's confirmation to the Supreme Court.

"This will kill more people than global warming, the net neutrality repeal, and Republicanism combined," she said gravely. "I will retain power at all costs in order to save us from this terrible fate—even if it kills Democrats' chances at reinventing the party for good."

Pelosi reminded those gathered of how correct her predictions on everything else have been. She pointed out that the death toll from Kavanaugh's nomination was in the hundreds of millions, just as she had warned. She then reminded people of her similarly accurate predictions on every single thing the Republicans have done over the past two years.

"When have I ever been wrong about this kind of thing?" she said.

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