SNOOK, Texas – The lord gave unto you 10 commandments. Heaven is a Buffet has only two.

1. There is nothing on earth that can’t be improved by adding a few slabs of bacon.

2. There are precious few things in this world that can’t be improved by deep frying.

Frank Sodolak knows these truths, and at some point late in the last century, divine inspiration struck the proprietor of Sodolak’s Country Inn. Forget the steaks and pork chops and assorted fried appetizers on the menu at Sodolak’s. You are there for one dish and one dish only.

Chicken fried bacon.

With a side of cream gravy.

Go ahead. Scoff. Gag if you must. Declare that you are too good for fried bacon, that your arteries are too important to you. You’re lying to yourself. None of us is too good for fried bacon. Fried bacon is too good for us.

Before the fall of man, before Adam and Eve went bobbing for an apple, fried bacon grew on a tree in the Garden of Eden. For thousands of years, humans weren’t worthy. Then we must have done something to make the big man happy, and through His servant, Frank Sodolak, He showered us in the glory of fried bacon. Then, because He loves us, He inspired Frank Sodolak to add a side of gravy.

Every time the bell rings at Sodolak’s to tell the waitress that another glorious, smoky, impossibly light batch of bacon has emerged from the fryer, angels sing. Can you hear them? They’re warning you. Nothing you ate before was good enough. Nothing you’ll eat afterward will compare.

So enjoy that first bite, and pray that you live a virtuous enough life to make it past St. Peter’s velvet rope.

Because this is what every day tastes like in heaven.

Post-meal workout: P90X2 Plyocide

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