Recap: We got a Leafeon. That’s all you really need to know.

But if you insist, I’ll also mention that Shadow Pokemon can be purified now and we got into a battle with the game’s creator.

Look at that sprite.

That is a badass sprite.

Oh noooo…… we are so underleveled… ohhh god we’re not gonna make it…

My first thought when I saw that Eevee knew Return was “oh no, we’re going to go down thanks to the power of genuine love a trainer has for its Pokemon” and then I saw what little damage the move did and laughed triumphantly.

See? Buying our way into Quirino’s heart was a good decision.

Eevee loves her trainer “for real” and can’t attack for crap.

Quirino may not be as strong against Vibrava as he was against Eevee, but he keeps a steady pace of fire-attacks headed in her direction that eventually burn her little wings. They disintegrate into ash and Vibrava faints because of it.

Saga gives Quirino a nice pat on the head for being such a ruthless fighter.

Aw, really? What the hell, Mysterious Trainer Suzerain?

First, you send out an Eevee that knows a move that does damage based on how much love you show it…

…Now you’re sending out a Riolu, whose sole means of evolution requires that it loves you?

Are you trying to show me up in the “power of friendship” department here?

Ope… wait…

False alarm.

It’s a Shadow.

You don’t love it.

Whew.

We rescue him from the clutches of this Mysterious Trainer and vow to show it affection for the rest of its life.

Okay… we vow to show it just enough affection in order for him to open up his heart and be purified.

Which… it turns out… means we really don’t have to spend a lot of time with him at all in order for this task to be accomplished…

…sooo…

Sceptile was his last Pokemon (probably because Mudkip was our starter) and Quirino was sent back out to take care of business. Then he leveled up to 29.

Aww, what a nice Mysterious Trainer you are!

Saga is trying awfully hard to avoid eye contact with Suzerain. Almost as if she’s ashamed of the way she’s been bringing up her Aroma Team.

Which is ridiculous! Saga, look him in the eye! We have no conscience here!

Suzerain: I suspect we’ll be seeing more of each other as time goes on.

Well you know, once Insurgence is completely finished, you’ll have to put up with me all over again… so I’d say that’s an accurate statement.

Suzerain: I’ll be taking my leave now. I’ll see you around, Saga.

We make our way through the rest of the tunnel and–

–holy mother of god, the vision-blocking-sand is back.

Ah-ha, but this time we’re prepared!

It’s hard to show through screencaps, but this area actually shakes every couple seconds due to earthquakes of some kind.

That would make sense. I wasn’t really questioning why the desert was shaking — I just blindly accepted it — but now that you mention it, there probably is a Pokemon involved.

There is a lot of fighting involved in this desert and we hardly ever walk away the victor. I can’t decide if it’s because my team sucks or because I suck…

Swablu is a Shadow, by the way. She’s just hanging out in the party so she can eventually open up her heart to me.

I can barely keep my team alive and the screen shaking is starting to give me a headache, but we push through these obstacles and find some really cool temple-tower-thing.

Ohh, what the shit is this–

Gaaaahhhhhh it took me to what I THOUGHT was a cave entrance but it actually led me back to Antares Town and I hate everythiiiiing…

Guess we’ll just go back to the desert and try to find a different tower–

DAMNIIIIIIT

Okay, stay calm, we’re back in Antares Town. Let’s go back into the desert and think this through.

You know, I bet this is happening because I keep running up the stairs. Maybe if I try walking instead I can get across–

AAAUUUUGGHHHHH HOW COULD I BE THIS STUPID!!

FUCK YOU SINKHOLE!!

FUCK YOU YELLOW LIGHT OF TRANSPORTATION!!

sigh

Back in the cave.

Obviously, there is something I haven’t triggered yet that is forcing me to stay away from those towers. Time to do some exploring. If I see the words “Antares Town” one more time I’m shutting the game off.

…

…

REALLY

You know what I had to do?

You know where I had to go to trigger the event?

I didn’t need to run around the desert searching for towers. No.

I had to walk to the top of the damn screen.

That’s all I had to do was walk to the top of the damn screen.

Girl in helmet: Its your duty to clear out the mines and desert of this monster!

Policeman: Heh… darling… You just don’t get it, do you? We just needed the money– we have no intention in fulfilling the contract.

Girl in helmet: So you steal our town’s funds, corrupt my favorite Pokemon, and decide to leave us to the earthquakes?

Dicks.

Girl in helmet: You can even keep the Mega Stone involved in the job– we don’t care so long as you get the job done!

Policeman: There’s a Mega Stone involved! Well, I suppose we’ll have to go take that Mega Stone. But we sure as hell ain’t finishing the rest of that job!

Girl in helmet: But you’re the cops! You’re obligated to fulfill your duty to the citizens of Aroma!

Policeman: …wait… you thought we worked for the king? You thought we worked for the government?

The screen then fades to black and Saga starts to question her constant need to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations.

Not-really-policeman: We’re Team Cipher! We work for Greevil!

Oh, well, that was an honest mistake, Girl In Helmet. I would have also assumed they were policemen since they were dressed in uniforms. It happens to the best of us.

Team Cipher: Ciao ciao! Cipher, out!

The screen fades again and Girl In Helmet tries to run after Cipher, but they have disappeared.

Oh god, you poor thing!

You must have trusted them because of the way their voices sounded. You couldn’t see their evil faces because you are very clearly blind.

I mean, you’re over there talking to a rock tower thinking it’s me. You poor girl, you. Here, follow the sound of my voice. I’ll help you out.

There you go! You found me!

Of course! A Steelix!

Girl In Helmet: It’s where the massive sinkhole under the desert is coming from. People are constantly getting pulled under and buried alive.

That Steelix is the reason I fell to Antares Town three different times?? Oh-ho-ho, he is going down.

Girl In Helmet: Our mines are too dangerous to stay in for too long as rocks constantly get dislodged and kill the miners. You’re from the Vesryn Region, I’m guessing?

Yup. My really amazing team got left behind back there. Don’t be fooled by this one… I really am a decent trainer.

Just kidding guys, you’re a great team! twitchy smile

Girl In Helmet: You may know the Gym Leader PK-096, he used to be a guard in our mines before his hard drive got damaged by a stray rock.

That explains some things.

Girl In Helmet: Our town is running dry of money inflow as well– Cipher took our last government grant. Can you help us trainer?

Oh man, Girl In Helmet, not only are you blind, but you have multiple-personality-disorder as well. Your text went from red to blue and then back to red, which can only mean your voice went from one tone to the other and then back again. Let me give you a hug, it will make all the pain of the world go away.

Girl In Helmet: I need to protect the workers of the mine from the Steelix… I can hold it off, but not for long. I’m the Gym Leader here– so I’m strong enough to contain it, but the presence of the Mega Stone nearby has powered it up to terrifying levels. If you’re willing, can you track down Cipher and stop them from getting that Mega Stone?

We say yes.

Because we want the Steelix.

Because it has been powered up to terrifying levels.

Girl In Helmet: Thanks, I would appreciate it. As far as I know, the Mega Stone is kept in a ruin in the southwest corner of the desert.

Ah yes, I know it well. Fell through it twice.

Girl In Helmet: I’ll be waiting in the bottom of the Andromeda City Mine. That’s where the Steelix is– once you get the Steelixite, we may be able to calm it down!

We’re fast-forwarding the 45-minute journey to Cipher’s head honcho because there was a lot of fainting involved and… I just… I don’t want to expose you guys to that… I’m really just trying to protect you, here.

Cipher Member: Quite the annoying pipsqueak, are you not? Heh… you’re perseverent, I’ll give you that. But do your battling skills match up to your guts?

Look at wittle Olaf fight!

He’s equipped with a Leftovers, which kind of buys him a little bit of time against Curse, but once I saw Blaziken was about to show up, I “noped” the hell out of there and sent in Quirino in Olaf’s place.

“But Saga, why didn’t you throw Iago into the ring? You know, your starter? The Water-Type?”

I boxed him. I forget why. I think I got angry with him because he wouldn’t level up fast enough.

Aroma is no walk in the park, people. You gotta be strong to keep up with it.

Speaking of levelling up, Quirino spammed Extremespeed and grabbed all the experience he could from Blaziken once he fainted.

Hey! So, this is fun!

Krookodile is a Pokemon whose ability — Moxie — forces his attack to get stronger and stronger every time he kills one of your Pokemon!

It’s great!

In fact, it’s so great, that we played the Revive game over and over and over again and again until Saga’s team of six had fainted eighteen times in one battle, upping Krookodile’s attack SO MUCH that it was literally impossible for us to fight him! Hah hah! Hah hah!

Aaaand then we reset.

bangs head on keyboard