In his letter, Garman added a note of hope for the adults at Sidwell. “I hope we will reaffirm our commitment to the well-being of our students and to the common good,” he wrote. He hoped that they would embrace the idea of inward light. “And I hope that we will always treat one another with respect.”

Here’s the text of the letter:

Dear Senior Parents,



I hope you had a restful break, and that you experienced the joy and peace we seek through the diverse end-of-year traditions we celebrate. In addition, I hope you were able to share some special time with your seniors, who have contributed immensely to the School. We are proud of their achievements, and look forward to celebrating them in June.



I am writing in follow up to Patrick Gallagher’s pre-break letter, which shared several newly implemented policies in the College Counseling Office (CCO). As you will recall, the letter stated that the CCO prohibits the recording of conversations with our counselors; will not consider anonymous and/or unsubstantiated claims made about student behavior; will not respond to calls issued from blocked telephone numbers; does not respond to any inquiry for student records unless that request is made by the student or an approved family member or guardian.



The new policies stem from a handful of unfortunate and uninformed interactions, some of which have been unkind to students, others that have disrespected our counselors. The vast majority of our parents, of course, work to support and honor all of our students and staff. In addition, they value the extraordinary advice, expertise, and guidance that our counselors offer, and work collaboratively to promote the interests and emotional development of their children throughout a stressful process. As a father who witnessed his daughter's college search last year, I know firsthand that it can stir deep emotions and elicit insecurities. The application process can push students to their limits, especially when it is heightened by high expectations and external pressures. And there is no doubt that the process can stretch the patience and emotional capacity of parents.



Our counselors are acutely aware of this challenge. They understand that we parents love our children, and they demonstrate tremendous patience when that love blurs our vision. Because they understand emotional complexities and enrollment management, they approach the task compassionately and strategically, and recognize that some parent and student meetings can become difficult. We must remember, however, to maintain perspective and act with respect even in emotionally trying circumstances.



Instances of disrespect are anomalous and often anonymous, but have nevertheless become increasingly intense and inappropriate. The circulation of rumors about students and/or the verbal assault of employees are antithetical to the School’s values and create a dispiriting work environment. When transgressors can be identified, they may be prohibited from meeting with the CCO and/or be subject to additional penalties as articulated in the Community Handbook.



No matter how difficult the college process becomes, as parents we must remember to use it to underscore our values. We can be sure that our children are acutely aware of how our words and actions speak to our priorities. “Too often, today’s culture sends young people messages that emphasize personal success rather than concern for others and the common good,” reads Turning the Tide, a compelling study commissioned by Harvard University. “And too often the college admissions process ... contributes to this problem. As a rite of passage for many students and a major focus for many parents, the college admissions process is powerfully positioned to send different messages that help young people become more generous and humane in ways that benefit not only society but students themselves.”



In this new year, I hope we will reaffirm our commitment to the well-being of our students and to the common good. I hope that we will recommit to helping children understand that college is merely the next destination on a lifelong journey, not their destiny. I hope that we will embrace the concept that there is that of God—of goodness—in each individual, and that addressing the needs of every child, not just our own, is essential to the health of our community. And I hope that we will always treat one another with respect.



I am grateful for those of you who work in trust and collaboration with the School, and I look forward to celebrating with you as the Class of 2019 enters their final semester at Sidwell Friends.



Thank you, as always, for your time and attention.



In peace and friendship,



Bryan



Bryan Garman

Head of School