Following Watford’s victory over Tottenham Hotspur on Sunday afternoon, The Watford Gazette can today reveal that Watford Football Club have received an official warning from the Premier League, requesting that they stop winning games immediately. “Watford Football Club wishes to put on record their official apologies for intentionally winning games so far this season and disrupting the big six” said a spokesman for the club earlier today (Monday). “We did not expect to be this good and our opponents to be so useless”. When asked why Watford would not be allowed to continue their bid for the Premier League title, the spokesman said “It looks bad on the league. International fans are meant to see the likes of Liverpool and Manchester City battle it out for the top spot. Most fans haven’t even heard of Watford and if they have it’s only because of the Harry Potter studios”. When asked why the same sanctions weren’t handed out to Leicester City back in 2015/16, the spokesman said “The Premier League did not see that coming. Even when Leicester lifted the trophy they were still finding ways to dock them points so it didn’t happen. They can’t afford that to happen again. Instead of children in third world countries walking round wearing Aguero shirts that year they were all wearing Vardy shirts. Imagine if a small community in Papua New Guinea start wearing shirts with Deeney on the back? It just wouldn’t look right”. The Watford Gazette is led to believe that Watford will be allowed to reach 40 points as quickly as possible, before beginning their annual descent towards mid-table obscurity.

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