This week Kieron Pollard put up a couple of emotional posts on his Instagram. According to West Indies' chairman of selectors Courtney Browne, he was one of the four senior players that opted to skip the World Cup qualifiers in March for the Pakistan Super League (PSL). Unable to hold back his emotions, Pollard expressed his pain at not playing for West Indies and the reasons why on the social media.

Without naming Cricket West Indies (CWI), Pollard wondered how long he could stay in an "abusing relationship" and if there was any point subjecting himself to be "ridiculed" and have his name "tarnished". In the following interview with ESPNcricinfo, he describes vividly why he has never put T20 leagues before country.

Where is your career with the West Indies? Do you even know?

My career with West Indies is something I can't answer. I know I was selected for the T20 series in New Zealand recently, which I pulled out because of personal reasons, some stuff that I needed to attend. The last communication I had from the West Indies' selectors was an e-mail sent on January 3, asking about my availability for the 2019 World Cup qualifiers. They gave us just four days to respond, knowing that we [already] had PSL contracts. And since then I have not had any communication with them. That is why that is a question I can't answer. That is a question Cricket West Indies needs to answer.

Did you decline the offer to play for West Indies in the World Cup Qualifiers?

You can't decline an offer if you weren't selected. In the email, I was asked if I was available and if I am, then I need to play the Regional Super 50. I responded saying I would not be able to participate in the Super50. So that was the communication. There was not any discussion as they [CWI] have been claiming. They knew the qualifiers were clashing with the PSL. And they knew which guys were going to the PSL. So they did not even have the discussion with us.

In 2016, I was dropped from the ODI team. Since then I have had no idea when or how or if I would be picked. So you [the selectors] ask me now if I am available? You didn't even say that I am selected. They did not say that you are selected and then we said no, we don't want to. That never took place.

"They gave the contracts to whoever they chose to give. So there is no commitment to us. So what do we do? Sit and wait? No. That's impossible. This is our livelihood. We cannot sit down behind a desk and retire at the age of 60"

You said you were given four days to respond. Who sent you that email?

The chairman of selectors [Browne] sent an email on January 3. I did not see it immediately. On January 7, he sent a WhatsApp, stating he needed a response to his email by the end of the day. I basically did not have much time to make my decision on my availability, knowing already that I had a PSL contract. You don't sign a contract and then say you are available. A dialogue needs to take place and that did not happen.

What did you tell Browne in your response?

In my email, I said I had spoken to the Trinidad & Tobago coach and told him about my pre-existing contractual agreements in Big Bash and the PSL, so I would not be able to participate in the Super50. I have an agreement with the Melbourne Renegades [Pollard's Big Bash team] from January 22 to February 4 and then from February 22 till March 25 in the PSL.

Before the communication in early January, when was the last time you had an honest conversation with Browne or anyone at CWI about your position in the team?

The last official conversation happened sometime in July-September period when they were picking the squad for the one-off Twenty20 in England. They sent a message stating that we are not going to select you for the T20 because only Carlos Brathwaite was being added [to the squad], as he was the captain.

When I saw that message that I'm not selected I did not respond immediately. I took sometime before writing back a long letter stating that if T20 cricket is the only format I am playing for West Indies, and you are now saying we are not selecting you without giving me any reasons, that left me wondering, 'where do I stand?' The amnesty scheme had only just been put in place around that time. No one had spoken to me about it yet.

It leaves my future in jeopardy because that is all I play. So I asked the question, 'where do I stand as opposed to what you are telling me?'. I said I have heard nothing personally from you on the amnesty. I have heard through the grapevine, through my fellow team-mates that they have been contacted by the CWI concerning their ODI career. No one called me. Or you are telling me indirectly that I am free to ply my trade on the T20 circuit because I am not going to be considered for West Indies. That was the question I posed to him [Browne].

Kieron Pollard celebrates the dismissal of Chris Morris AFP / Getty Images

He tried to explain that guys were contacted. I said, 'listen, let's not play games, let's be straight, let's be men.' As [Dwayne] Bravo said he spoke to Jason Holder [West Indies' ODI captain]. 'There are couple of other guys the chairman would have personally spoken with. No one spoke to me. Where do I stand?' He then said, 'you'll have to go back and play Super50 tournament. You will have to trust the selectors.'

In turn I asked him, 'how come you have this amnesty where everyone who did not play [Super 50 in 2016-17] are available for selection in the ODI squad [for the England tour last year], guys who have not played for a couple of years, guys who were dropped earlier? What makes me different from those guys?' That means I will have to wait another four-to-five months to go and play the Super 50, but still would not be available for selection since the team for the qualifiers was being picked before the Super 50.

I explained my situation. I explained how I got dropped. I explained the reasons that they gave to me on my batting which I had never heard before. He said, 'you know you have said some good things.' We sort of agreed on certain things, which I give him credit for listening to and understanding. He told me he was going to the selection panel on my availability in ODI cricket.

Four days later, he came back and said I would be going to England as part of the T20 squad and they were picking the T20 specialists. And he also said that I was available for selection for the ODI series in New Zealand. Eventually I was not picked [for the ODIs]. No reasons given. Where does that leave me? What signal does that send?

In November, the PSL draft took place and I got a contract with Multan Sultans. Not knowing where I stood on my future with West Indies I signed the PSL contract.

Would it have made a difference if you were selected for the qualifiers?

Of course that would have made a difference. That is something definite - you are selected. Then you have a decision to make. But me saying I'm available, it still doesn't leave me with any sort of comfort that I am going to be selected.

But say the selectors had said you are picked. Would you have played the qualifers?

All right, then that is something we need to discuss. I would tell them then: 'Yes, you select me, but I have this contract. What do you think? How we are going to work it out? What is your plan for me going forward?' You can't just pick when you want, drop when you want. This is a profession. You are working. People would sit there and say that you know you need to play for your country. But you cannot play with my future.

"If you don't care about yourself you can't expect anyone else to care about you. So I am at peace, but when you are backed in a corner I am not the type of a person to just wilt and fall"

You vented your frustration on your Instagram feed, expressing deep sadness at the situation. Why did you do that?

[I got] emotional. Because this has been continuously happening in West Indies cricket. I started playing in 2007 when the communication [with players] was not great. We are in 2018 and I think it has gotten worse.

You were 28 when you were not included in the 2015 World squad by the previous selection panel led by Clive Lloyd. You did not play any ODI cricket for West Indies between October 2014 and June 2016. Were you worried your career was over considering the selection panel back then had stated youngsters were being groomed for the future?

I was worried. The selectors had already said they were going beyond Bravo and Pollard. They are building for 2019 World Cup, which is next year. Still, two years later I was included for the [2016] tri-series against Australia and South Africa, where I did well. A few months later, in October, we had a bad tour against Pakistan in the UAE. We got beaten 3-0 in the T20 series. We got [beaten] 3-0 in the ODI series, too. Phil Simmons had been fired as the coach on the eve of that tour. We were disastrous. Everyone was unsure about what was going on. All the shots were being called from the [CWI] headquarters [in Antigua]. I am not sure who was exactly calling the shots.

What is your relationship with CWI president Dave Cameron?

The last I spoke to him was just exchanging pleasantries during the T20 against India in Jamaica. No conversation, just cordial.

Talking to a Caribbean television network last week, Cameron stated that that the CWI was very "disappointed" that some of the players had opted not to play in the qualifiers. He indicated some of those players might not play for West Indies again. Does that affect you since it is the CWI president saying this?

Of course it affects me. It affects you as a cricketer, it affects you as a human being. And it not only affects you, it will also affect a lot of cricketers coming forward that the president of the board is calling those sorts of shots. At the end of the day, there is a selection panel that picks and drops a player. There is a cricket director. There is a chief executive officer. Is the president a selector? Every time we have these sorts of issues a player's career gets ended. If you oppose, or you challenge, you have to get out.

How can you come out and say that you had discussions with us players? How can the chairman of selectors say we have prioritised PSL? It seems to them that is the case, but because of the way they communicate, it is easy to tarnish the player's name. Are they looking for a reason just in case things don't go to plan [if West Indies fail to qualify for the World Cup]?

Kieron Pollard walks off after smashing 28 off the last over Getty Images

After the England series last year, West Indies coach Stuart Law said the destiny of players is in their hands, that if players are playing in the Super50 and go on to play in the T20 leagues, it is fine with the board. Both players and team would benefit. Is the situation as clear as that?

There's no clarity and there's no decision. Last year, we played Afghanistan at home. Some of us would have had a full discussion with the CWI CEO [Johnny Grave]. Some things were mentioned in terms of, 'we can be flexible.' That we could play four or five games of Super50, and then we could go play the T20 leagues, then come back. None of that came to fruition.

Also, as per the CWI policy, if any player leaves the Super 50, his team is not allowed seek any replacement. T&T already had [Sunil] Narine, who is currently playing for them in the Super50, but will leave later in the tournament for the PSL. So, say if I were to play the Super50, T&T would have lost two players without replacements. I talked about this during my chat with T&T coach.

How can that happen? That you can play for your regional team but [they] can't get a replacement? On one hand, we are saying one thing, and on the other hand, there's a policy in place [to not get replacements]. It does not make sense. It is not going hand in hand. Who made that policy? Is that going to be helpful for West Indies cricket?

Since 2010, players have been advocating for an IPL window, knowing fully well that the board can't pay the kind of money the IPL is paying. Financially, they cannot sustain [that kind of competition]. So allow the players to go and play the IPL, and then you have them for the next ten months of the year. That is what we have advocated since 2010, but again they [CWI] played hardball, while all the other nations were able to find a window for their players. Up to 2018, we are now finding a window. And now there are numerous leagues around the world. So now players have an opportunity to make a living. So it is even more difficult, whereas when we actually wanted that one window, they played hardball.

"Playing the leagues gives me the fire inside to continue to perform and continue to show what I can do on a cricket field despite what other people think about me"

Clearly you do still care for West Indies cricket and you want to play for West Indies?

In my heart, my priority at the start of my career, was always to play for West Indies. My priority was to play Test cricket. I can say I was basically robbed of that opportunity because I was told that I was a limited-overs cricketer. That was one thing I had to get up out of my sleep for. I continued playing ODI and T20 cricket, despite having all these leagues around the world.

Obviously my heart is still to play for West Indies. But with these sort of things happening, it is very, very difficult to say, 'you know what, I'm just gonna sit and wait'. If there's a clear plan of going forward we sit, we plan for the year, I am sure things can happen.

Recently the CWI offered three types of contracts If you had been offered the T20/ODI contract, do you think the situation might have been different?

Again, that is all up for discussion. We can sit and we can try to speak hypothetically, 'if this' and 'if that', but will it happen? We will never know. We spoke about white-ball contracts, not one senior guy was offered a contract to show some sort of commitment. Commitment goes both ways, it is like a marriage. So we cannot speak hypothetically about if, if and if. Let it happen.

Surely you might have expressed these same concerns to CWI management when you sat with them last year?

All these things were discussed. Everything was discussed. Again, it didn't come through. They gave the contracts to whoever they chose to give. So there is no commitment to us. So what do we do? Sit and wait? No. That's impossible. We have to be realistic about it as people, as a Caribbean nation, as a world. We sit there and all we think about it is: 'these guys go around and play the [T20] leagues.' We need to ask ourselves and ask the question why; when you are not in a situation, you always know the answer. This is our livelihood. We cannot sit down behind a desk and retire at the age of 60.

You will turn 31 later this year. You are fit. And you are keen to play for West Indies again. Is there room for a truce between players like you, the Bravo brothers and all those in limbo since the 2014 stand-off?

As I said, conversations and discussions. We are still playing T20 cricket for West Indies. If we did not want to play for West Indies, why would we still be playing T20 cricket? Will we still be accepting to play T20 cricket for West Indies? But every time we sit and have a discussion, we have to go back. Nothing happens. Why?

Kieron Pollard breathed life into the Mumbai Indians camp with an excellent catch at long-on BCCI

I read a lot, I watch different things. There was an issue one time recently, between [Lasith] Malinga and Sri Lanka Cricket. He said some stuff, right? It was dealt with in 10 days. Whatever sanctions took place, it was dealt with. We have this ongoing issue with Darren Bravo, for how long?

Dwayne Bravo was dropped from the Test team at 26, retired at 31. Everyone was dumbstruck. What should he do? He wanted to play Test cricket. There is another guy who was told that he is a disgrace to West Indies cricket. He was one of the better bowlers for West Indies at that point of time. He was told, as a Caribbean individual, he is a disgrace to West Indies cricket. But when you put on the television, this guy was running in and taking wickets.

These are some of the things, as players, we have to face day in, day out. When I got selected for the West Indies for the first time in 2007, a very well respected person told me the hardest thing for you is not going to be the actual cricket, it would be dealing with the peripheral stuff outside of cricket. That has come to fruition.

Would it be easier if the selectors say they are looking beyond and that you are free to plan your future?

Exactly.

To end on a happy note, you remain valuable in IPL, where Mumbai Indians retained you once again. It must lend you the confidence that your worth remains intact globally?

Of course, I just want to thank Mumbai Indians for entrusting faith in me once again. Going into the auction then hearing that you were going to be retained, you know you have forged a very good relationship. When you talk of commitment to one, you can be committed to. People stand by you in difficult times, in good times and you reward them in the end. I am happy to be back at Mumbai Indians and looking forward to do special things.

Did Mumbai tell you before the auction that they were going to retain you?

We had discussions before, but in auction you never know. But it gives you that sense of belonging. I also want to say this: playing the leagues gives me the fire inside to continue to perform and continue to show what I can do on a cricket field despite what other people think about me, about my performance, if I am good enough, if they want me or it. It gives me that burning desire. That is the motivating factor. They are not going to dampen my spirits. I am young. I have a lot of cricket left in me whichever cricket I play. I am going to give my 100%.

Are you at peace, Kieron?

Honestly, in my heart I am at peace. My family is at peace. They are happy. My friends and family are backing me. They see what I go through day in, day out. My wife has been very good, in the sense that, some days I come home and she sees the anger, sometimes the hurt, sometimes the frustration. We sit, we speak about things and we try to come up with the best decision because at the end of the day, no one cares about the individual. If you don't care about yourself you can't expect anyone else to care about you. So I am at peace, but when you are backed in a corner I am not the type of a person to just wilt and fall. Again, this is me clarifying my position. I am not fighting with anyone, but people need to know and need to understand, and I challenge to debate with me with the facts of the conversations that have taken place.