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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report — Presented by Kidney Care Partners — WH staffer raises 'grave' concerns over security clearances | House panel to vote on subpoena for Mueller report | Trump steps up threats to close border | GOP lawmakers rooting against ObamaCare lawsuit | Biden faces 'Me Too' moment | Elon Musk releases rap single about Harambe | Cherry blossoms at peak bloom

IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Blink twice if it was you:

A White House staffer told the House Oversight and Reform Committee of "grave" national security concerns about the Trump administration's security clearance process. http://bit.ly/2U8IOgx

Now what: The House Oversight and Reform Committee announced plans to subpoena a former White House official to investigate the security clearance practices.

Census or senseless, amirite?:

This morning, President Trump Donald John TrumpOmar fires back at Trump over rally remarks: 'This is my country' Pelosi: Trump hurrying to fill SCOTUS seat so he can repeal ObamaCare Trump mocks Biden appearance, mask use ahead of first debate MORE criticized Democrats for their opposition to adding a citizenship question to the 2020 census. http://bit.ly/2YIoPnU

He tweeted: "Can you believe that the Radical Left Democrats want to do our new and very important Census Report without the all important Citizenship Question," Trump tweeted. "Report would be meaningless and a waste of the $Billions (ridiculous) that it costs to put together!" http://bit.ly/2CNVRcy

TIMING OF THE TWEET:

"Trump's tweet comes a day before the Democrat-led House Oversight and Reform Committee is scheduled to vote to issue subpoenas to Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross Wilbur Louis RossTrump admin asks Supreme Court to fast-track excluding people in U.S. illegally from census Trump 'very happy' to allow TikTok to operate in US if security concerns resolved TikTok, WeChat to be banned Sunday from US app stores MORE and Attorney General William Barr Bill BarrProsecutor says no charges in Michigan toilet voting display Judge rules Snowden to give up millions from book, speeches The Hill's Morning Report - Sponsored by Facebook - Washington on edge amid SCOTUS vacancy MORE over the administration's decision to add a citizenship question to the 2020 census." http://bit.ly/2YIoPnU

Fix it:

President Trump urged Democrats to work with Republicans and fix U.S. asylum laws quickly. http://bit.ly/2FQrl42

He tweeted: "Democrats, working with Republicans in Congress, can fix the Asylum and other loopholes quickly. We have a major National Emergency at our Border. GET IT DONE NOW!"

BACK STORY:

"Trump previously sought to unilaterally change asylum laws by signing a proclamation to block some migrants who crossed the U.S.-Mexico border illegally from applying for asylum. Trump's effort was blocked by a court order. Trump regularly complains about U.S. immigration law. He often blames Democrats for a failure to act, despite Republicans controlling Congress for the first two years of his presidency."

It's April Fools' Day -- be aware. Be very aware. I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook .

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TALK OF THE MORNING

Not the storyline you want a few weeks before announcing:

Former Vice President Joe Biden Joe BidenOmar fires back at Trump over rally remarks: 'This is my country' Trump mocks Biden appearance, mask use ahead of first debate Trump attacks Omar for criticizing US: 'How did you do where you came from?' MORE is scrambling to handle the fallout after being accused of inappropriately touching a former Nevada politician. http://bit.ly/2CPcMvx

The incident: Lucy Flores alleges that in 2014 Biden touched her shoulders and kissed the back of her head before a campaign event.

From Flores: "As I was taking deep breaths and preparing myself to make my case to the crowd, I felt two hands on my shoulders. I froze. 'Why is the vice-president of the United States touching me?'" Read the op-ed that started this controversy: http://bit.ly/2uF4XEe

Statement from Biden: "I may not recall these moments the same way, and I may be surprised at what I hear," Biden said in a new statement. "But we have arrived at an important time when women feel they can and should relate their experiences, and men should pay attention. And I will." Read Biden's full statement: http://bit.ly/2FQfPFG

When Biden plans to announce his 2020 run: At the end of April.



From Sen. Bernie Sanders Bernie SandersButtigieg stands in as Pence for Harris's debate practice Bernie Sanders warns of 'nightmare scenario' if Trump refuses election results Harris joins women's voter mobilization event also featuring Pelosi, Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda MORE (I-Vt.): "I have no reason not to believe Lucy." On Biden's potential 2020 run: "I think that's a decision for the vice president to make. I'm not sure that one incident alone disqualifies anybody." Keep in mind: Biden's accuser endorsed Sanders in 2016. https://nyti.ms/2HSNBMz

INTERESTING READ ON WHERE BIDEN GOES FROM HERE:

Via The New York Times's Sydney Ember and Jonathan Martin: https://nyti.ms/2HSNBMz

IN CONGRESS

Happening Wednesday -- a vote on the Mueller report:

The House Judiciary Committee is planning to vote on authorizing a subpoena for special counsel Robert Mueller Robert (Bob) MuellerCNN's Toobin warns McCabe is in 'perilous condition' with emboldened Trump CNN anchor rips Trump over Stone while evoking Clinton-Lynch tarmac meeting The Hill's 12:30 Report: New Hampshire fallout MORE's full report and any related evidence. http://bit.ly/2FH0AOc

Keep in mind: Attorney General William Barr is planning to give Congress a public version of the report. It could be released by mid-April.

When you're secretly rooting for your frenemy to lose:

Via The Hill's Alexander Bolton and Peter Sullivan, "Senate Republicans are privately rooting against President Trump in his court battle to strike down the Affordable Care Act." Why: "GOP lawmakers worry that if Trump wins, Congress won't be able to pass anything to replace ObamaCare -- and they'll pay for it at the ballot box." What to expect: http://bit.ly/2JYqrX5

REMEMBER TRUMP SAID A GROUP OF GOP SENATORS ARE WORKING ON AN OBAMACARE REPLACEMENT? WELL...:

Last week, President Trump told reporters that Sens. John Barrasso John Anthony BarrassoGOP senator attacks Biden: 'I'm not sure what he recalls' Oil and gas is a partner — not an adversary — in meeting our economic and environmental goals Murkowski: Supreme Court nominee should not be taken up before election MORE (R-Wyo.), Rick Scott (R-Fla.) and Bill Cassidy William (Bill) Morgan CassidyCoushatta tribe begins long road to recovery after Hurricane Laura Senators offer disaster tax relief bill Bottom line MORE (R-La.) are working on a "spectacular" ObamaCare replacement. Well, a GOP Senate aide said those senators aren't actually working in a group. "I think he just sort of listed names" of senators who frequently work on health care issues.

What else is happening in Congress this week:

Trump nominees: "Senate Republicans are preparing to push through a rules change that would cut down the amount of time it takes to confirm hundreds of President Trump's nominees."



ObamaCare: "The House is slated to vote Tuesday on a resolution condemning the Trump administration's push to deem the Affordable Care Act invalid in the courts."

Yemen: "The House is likely to take up a resolution breaking with the White House over its support for the Saudi-led military campaign in Yemen, paving the way for Trump's second veto."

Disaster aid: "The Senate still needs to wrap up work on a disaster aid package meant to respond to a spate of recent storms, hurricanes and wildfires."



Violence against women: "A bill reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), which provides funding and grants for a variety of programs that tackle domestic abuse, will be considered on the floor. VAWA previously expired after Congress failed to pass an extension in a massive funding bill earlier this year."

Discharge petition: "House Minority Whip Steve Scalise Stephen (Steve) Joseph ScaliseHouse GOP slated to unveil agenda ahead of election House panel details 'serious' concerns around Florida, Georgia, Texas, Wisconsin elections Scalise hit with ethics complaint over doctored Barkan video MORE (R-La.) is slated to introduce a discharge petition on Tuesday aimed at forcing a floor vote on a bill requiring medical care protections for infants born during an abortion."

Context and details from The Hill's Jordain Carney and Juliegrace Brufke: http://bit.ly/2CNkoP8

IN OTHER NEWS

I do NOT encourage any of you to watch this, but I just thought you should know:

Tesla CEO Elon Musk dropped a surprise rap single. Yes, you read that right. It gets weirder: The song, "RIP Harambe," is dedicated to the 17-year-old gorilla who was shot by a Cincinnati Zoo worker after a toddler fell into his enclosure. http://bit.ly/2uEdQOo

The song if you feel so inclined...: I won't tell anyone. http://bit.ly/2HXpn4b

IN LOCAL NEWS

Today is PEAK cherry blossom:

According to the National Park Service, today is the peak date for cherry blossoms this year. What is peak bloom: Approximately 70 percent of the blooms are open. http://bit.ly/2uEplpa

HOW LONG PEAK BLOOM SHOULD LAST:

Because of the good weather, the cherry blossoms could stay in full bloom for much of this week. Details: https://wapo.st/2U7dQFL

NOTABLE TWEETS

Welp, I can't unsee this:

Brooklyn looks like an ice skating dragon pic.twitter.com/yBzweTE90F — Nathan W. Pyle (@nathanwpyle) March 29, 2019

This is a very serious matter:

Copyright Office issues final rule regarding extra protections for super-cute cat pics. https://t.co/zaB7pyqkVI pic.twitter.com/TfAq7THf2p — US Copyright Office (@CopyrightOffice) April 1, 2019

Lol, I appreciate April Fools' jokes like this.

Individuals with kidney diseases are living longer and fuller lives, but there’s more to be done. A continued focus on earlier diagnoses and innovative approaches to treatment are critical. Learn more.

ON TAP

11:45 a.m. EDT: President Trump met with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo Michael (Mike) Richard PompeoOvernight Defense: Pentagon redirects pandemic funding to defense contractors | US planning for full Afghanistan withdrawal by May | Anti-Trump GOP group puts ads in military papers Overnight Defense: House Democrats unveil stopgap spending measure to GOP opposition | Bill includes .6B for new subs | Trump issues Iran sanctions after world shrugs at US action at UN Navalny calls on Russia to return clothes he was wearing when he fell ill MORE.

Noon: The House is in.

12:30 p.m. EDT: President Trump has lunch with Vice President Pence.

1:45 p.m. EDT: President Trump receives an intelligence briefing.

3 p.m. EDT: The Senate meets.

5:30 p.m. EDT: The Senate votes.

6:30 pm. EDT: First and last votes in the House.

6:50 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence speaks at the BakerHostetler Legislative Dinner at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History.

WHAT TO WATCH

5:30 p.m. EDT: President Trump participates in the 2019 prison reform summit and First Step Act celebration in the East Room of the White House. Livestream: http://bit.ly/2I128Fg

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Sourdough Bread Day.

Because we're all on high alert today:

Here's a list of some of the best April Fools' pranks of all time: https://cnn.it/2FPIvi9