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Shelby Hintze is a news producer in Salt Lake City. In the singles ward, but not of the singles ward.

Note: I attend a fairly young YSA ward. One speaker before me said she was not a feminist which prompted the beginning here.

I’m the last speaker but they told me to go as long I want, so buckle up. And my name is Shelby Hintze and I am a feminist.

The bishop said I could pick my topic and I immediately knew what I wanted to speak on. It’s a bit unusual but unfortunately, statistically, many of you in this room have experienced it. And I promise that in one form or another, everyone will experience it so I pray that the Spirit will bring it to your remembrance when you need it.

I want to begin with a scripture found in Mark 16:9-11.

9 Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils.

10 And she went and told them that had been with him, as they mourned and wept.

11 And they, when they had heard that he was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not.

I read this scripture and immediately imagined what that may have looked like. Mary may have gone into the room, filled with very good men and women who knew and believed Jesus and told them her experience.

One person may have turned to her and said, “Well actually…when someone is dead, they don’t come back to life. That’s not how it works.”

Another may have said, “Mary, you have so many emotions and hormones running through your body, how do we know you weren’t just seeing things?”

And yet another may have said, “Our sweet, sweet Sister Magdalene, your testimony and love of the Savior is an inspiration to us all. You are an angel on Earth.”

And then he went right back to doing what he was doing before.

I also think of Mary. She was in an incredibly vulnerable state. Jesus, who she loved dearly, just appeared to her after being dead for three days. And then she was supposed to go share that experience, one of the most intimate and personal experiences of her life. I imagine her inner dialogue as she walked back to town.

“I have to tell them this and I am going to sound crazy. AM I crazy?”

But she had the courage to speak the truth. A hard truth. A truth people didn’t believe or maybe didn’t want to hear.

And no one believed her.

Today I want to talk about a hard topic but something being discussed around the world. Believing women, especially victims of abuse.

For those of you who don’t know, I am a news producer. I spend all day elbows deep in what is going on in the world. I’ve watched as the Me Too and Time’s Up movement has grown at lightning speed. Recently, the choices of one high powered person has brought our church and culture into the discussion. I won’t get into the details but because of his actions, women in the church have been sharing their experiences of abuse and then not being believed by their leaders—bishops, stake presidents, Relief Society presidents.

The church is very, very clear on its stance on abuse. In A Family: A Proclamation to the World, it says, “WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God.”

The doctrine is very clear. But as a society and culture, both within the church and without, we often don’t take necessary steps to believe victims of abuse-both men and women. As a side note, I do recognize that men can be victims at the hands of women as well. But I also recognize that according to the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition, 88% of domestic violence related murders in Utah were carried out by men in 2016.

So why don’t we listen to victims and to women?

First, I believe that the natural man, who is an enemy to God, urges people to side with and understand people more like themselves. As a male leader, it is easier to listen to and believe the story of another male. Often that male is cunning, deceptive and sometimes a leader in his community. We sometimes also think that no one could possibly beat their wife or children, so the victim must be lying. The fact that we would never do something like that must mean someone like us would never do it either. So we don’t believe, or worse, make excuses. And that in turn is just another form of abuse.

In Rachel’s talk, she mentioned a quote from President Nelson, which says, “we need women who can detect deception in all its forms.” I believe this is part of the deception that quote is speaking of.

To those who have been abused, it is not your fault.

It is not your fault.

People may ask you what you did wrong, what did you do to make that person angry? What are you doing to change yourself? You may have made mistakes, we all have. But there is nothing that justifies or excuses abuse.

Within the church, everyone is a volunteer. It gives us an amazing opportunity to serve one another as Christ would. But that often leaves holes in our training and experience.

If you decide to go to an ecclesiastical leader for help and healing, great. But know that just as you wouldn’t go into your bishop’s office and ask him to take out your appendix, you can’t only seek the help of your bishop. You may need professional help healing. You may need legal help. Seek out those professionals. Your bishop should help you with that and if he won’t, find someone who will.

And remember, your personal revelation, what you think you need to do to help yourself and your family, is more valuable than what your bishop says. Listen to the Spirit.

To those who are entrusted with this burden—believe women, believe victims.

In Utah, 1 in 3 women will experience domestic or intimate partner violence. That’s higher than the national average. I promise you, far more women and children live in pain and silence everyday than make up or exaggerate abuse claims.

One of our baptismal covenants is to bear one another’s burdens and to mourn with those that mourn. We can’t do that if we refuse to believe, or even vilify, our peers.

Now I’d like to speak to those who are abusers or have noticed abusive behaviors in their actions, often because that was the relationship modeled in your own home.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “How tragic and utterly disgusting a phenomenon is wife abuse. Any man in this Church who abuses his wife, who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her is unworthy to hold the priesthood. Though he may have been ordained, the heavens will withdraw, the Spirit of the Lord will be grieved, and it will be amen to the authority of the priesthood of that man.”

Those are some harsh words. But there is hope. Just as the Atonement can help victims heal, it can help abusers change and repent.

Now the Atonement doesn’t save you from consequences. You may lose a relationship. You may face professional or legal consequences. Start before it becomes an even bigger issue.

I hope that in your daily lives, men and women, listen to and believe the women around you.

Listen to women in your counsels.

Listen to women when they preach and testify in church and at General Conference.

Listen to women not just because she is your wife, mom, sister or girlfriend but because she is a fellow child of our Heavenly Parents.

Listen to women because each and every one has a valuable opinion, shaped by the experiences of her life.

Every generation is told they are the “chosen generation”. But I firmly believe this is what we were chosen for. In order for Christ to come again, men and women must truly be equal, especially in His church. He is the perfect example of that. He treated men and women with respect. He didn’t place them on pedestals. He listened to them. He wept with them. And then He got to work.

I believe our Heavenly Parents are trusting us more and more to talk about the things that are important to us and affecting our lives. You see that in the change in the Relief Society and Priesthood lesson manuals. They want us to learn from one another.

Rachel mentioned the quote from Sister Eubanks that says women are to speak out about what they think and the truth the Spirit speaks to them.

Will you listen?