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By John Archibald | jarchibald@al.com

Democracy. That lofty institution in which the will of the people speaks as solidly as a big stick, in which voters carefully choose leaders who will represent them in the weighty matters of state.

Oh wait. This is Alabama.

Where it’s easier to find an elected official in a bail bondsman’s office than in the office to which he or she is elected.

‘Cause ain’t nobody elected anymore.

Case in point:

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The governor

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Gov. Kay Ivey is not the elected governor. She was, of course, duly elected lieutenant governor, a position with the prime responsibility of waiting around to see if anything happened to the real governor. Which, as luck would have it, it did. Former Gov. Robert Bentley pleaded guilty to a fraction of his misdeeds – a couple of misdemeanors -- and stepped away from the office in April.

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Chief justice, Alabama Supreme Court

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Chief Supreme Court Chief Justice Lyn Stuart is not the elected chief justice. Nope. She was elected as a member of the Supreme Court, but was elevated to chief justice after Roy Moore was booted out of office for the second time. He was suspended for the rest of his term for failure to abide by a federal court order. He did not like a federal judge’s order on same sex marriage, so he told probate judges it was wrong. He is now running for U.S. senator.

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Associate justice, Alabama Supreme Court

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Nope. Alabama Supreme Court Justice Will Sellers was not elected to the Supreme Court. He was, until late last month, a Balch & Bingham lawyer. And while that may be close to supreme power in Alabama, it is not an elected position. Unelected Gov. Ivey named unelected pal Sellers to the supreme court when Stuart took her unelected chief justice position.

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U.S. Senator

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You got it. U.S. Sen. Luther Strange is not the duly elected junior senator from Alabama. He was, in fact, elected Alabama attorney general, but was appointed to the senate job by ex-Gov. Bentley after ex-Sen. Jeff Sessions was appointed U.S. attorney general. Whew. It is hard to follow. Just like the way Strange came to office pledging to clean up Montgomery, but went to Bentley – who he was supposed to be investigating -- and instead cleaned up in Washington.

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Alabama Attorney General

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Attorney General Steve Marshall is not the elected Alabama attorney general. Nope. He was the elected district attorney of Marshall County until Strange took his strange trip to D.C. Bentley – who was being investigated by the attorney general’s office -- appointed Marshall to take over. It didn’t do him any good though. The AG’s office negotiated the governor’s departure.

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The lieutenant governor

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I repeat myself, but elected Lt. Gov. Ivey dropped the “Lt” and assumed the mantle of full bird governor. But the lieutenant governor position is not really considered mission critical, so it’ll go unfilled until the 2018 election. If something were to happen to the unelected governor, the position of governor would go to the president pro tempore of the senate, Del Marsh.

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Todd J. Van Emst

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And that’s just the turmoil at the top. Alabama politics is a game of whack-a-mole. You have to wait to see who pops up before you know who’s there. Alabama’s old House Speaker, Mike Hubbard, is awaiting jail time – and appealing -- after being convicted on ethics charges. He was replaced by Speaker Mac McCutcheon, who was duly elected by his peers, but only after Hubbard was out of the way.

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House Speaker Mac McCutcheon

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What mean for Alabama that so many of the state’s top offices are filled by happenstance rather than voters?

Nothing. Because Hell, they can’t do worse.

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Robert Bentley's mug shot and booking information on two misdemeanor charges on April 10, 2017. (Paul Beaudry/pbeaudry@al.com)