Republican Vice Presidential nominee Mike Pence recently stated that if elected, he’d model his Vice Presidency after Dick Cheney by attempting to murder to a close friend in the woods.

Back on the campaign trail, a reflective Hillary Clinton said Thursday that her three-day, doctor-mandated break gave her new perspective on why she’s running to be president: A chance to destroy all her enemies before she dies.

The co-founder of Lyft recently said that their cars will be mostly self-driving in 5 years. So that way no driver can question driving you to a bunch of random letters you typed while you were drunk.

Ivanka Trump abruptly ended an interview with Cosmopolitan magazine about Donald Trump’s new maternity-leave policy on Wednesday after fielding questions she felt were “unfair” about her father’s record with women. When asked what constitutes an unfair question, she said: ‘my father’s record.’

A man claiming he had “superhuman strength” and wearing only a pair of red underpants in Louisiana fought with police recently before being subdued. Said the man, “I think my only mistake was putting on red underpants and trying to fight the police.”

The Philadelphia’s main transit agency plans to try urine-repelling paint to combat smells and complaints about cleanliness. Currently, they are using a different cleaning method: Eagles away games.

Senator Elizabeth Warren wants law enforcement officials to tell her why none of the individuals referred to them by the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission for potential law-breaking related to the crisis were ever prosecuted. Said the FBI, “We tried to but then we got a bunch of money so we didn’t do anything.”

Donald Trump recently admitted that President Barack Obama was in fact born in the United States, recanting his original statement that was based on a creditable source: a guy he made up.

Student tour guides at a college outside Philadelphia say they have been told not to bring prospective students or their parents into a dormitory because it frequently smelled of marijuana. Said one prospective student, “This is where I plan to fail.”

For the first time in a presidential general election debate, Facebook will source questions from users, according to a plan released by the Commission on Presidential Debates. So get ready for questions like ‘why didn’t you accept my friend request’ and ‘will you come to my improv show?’

A southern Indiana man passed over for a coaching and teaching position allegedly mailed four dead skunks and a dead raccoon to the man who got the job. The dead animals included a note that read “I taught the raccoons and skunks basketball and we would have went all the way if it wasn’t for you!”

