Vital Statistics

Tammy “Ned” Flanders Scalfani original hails from Tennessee hinterlands, and moved to LA in the mid 80s with dreams of making it big in showbiz, where she met divorced domestic abuser and layabout Jack Scalfani. The details of their early relationship are sketchy and contradictory, and what exactly it was that drew Tammy to the newly divorced man who made his own child homeless is anyone’s guess. Although it’s probable that Jack decided to keep these details from Tammy for a long time, it’s equally likely that she just doesn’t care. They were married in the mid 1990s at a typically gaudy and tacky wedding where both of them dressed up in Western themed wedding attire for some reason. It was paid for entirely by Tammy’s family, down to the gaudy yet cheap “Colombian Drug Lord” chic wedding rings Jack and Tammy both proudly sport. Jack’s ring would in fact completely lose its lustre in 2015 and have to be re-dipped.

Needing to support Jack’s unemployment and dreams of stardom, Tammy eventually enrolled in university to get an MBA. Tammy lists her alma mater as the spurious “Irvine College of Business” in what is presumably an attempt to make it look like she went to the prestigious UC Irvine: In reality, she no doubt to the less prestigious Irvine Valley College. However, as “Irvine College of Business” does not appear to be the name of any existing institution it’s possible it is a now-defunct for-profit institution, or even that Tammy lied or even doesn’t remember what her own qualifications are. Considering Jack’s own attitude towards education of any variety being useless, Tammy seems to share that opinion. Since graduating Tammy has steadfastly tread water in middle management, currently at Bear Communications LLC but previously for Ventra Plastics, a subsidiary of Flex-N-Gate (who paid for the Scalfani move to Tennessee for some reason) and Pacific Logistics Corp. IT should be noted that Bear Communications LLC appear to have a terrible and unsafe corporate culture, despite their amateurish attempts to manipulate the feedback via sockpuppet accounts. These jobs are what has financially supported Jack and allowed him to continue his lazy existence, spoiled existence of unemployment and poxy youtube videos.

In 2014 the entire Scalfani Clan jumped ship to Tennessee, as the racist and increasingly conservative and evangel family wrongly felt persecuted by the comparatively liberal, cosmopolitan and progressive ways of California. On the pretext of it being for the sake of their son, the Scalfanis somehow conned Ventra Plastics into paying what was undoubtedly tens of thousands of dollars to move their meagre belongings to Nashville, Tennessee. In gratitude Tammy would spend just over a year there for jumping ship to Bear Communications.

Relationship with Jack

Tammy is Jack’s prime enabler, as for twenty years she has supported Jack’s mediocre dreams of stardom, bad decision making (such as when he was conned into buying ingredients for sauce) as well as his philandering and domestic abuse. Although Jack is pathetically grateful for his easy lot in life, what Tammy gets out of the relationship is anyone’s guess. Grunting, monosyllabic and brittle in her brief on-screen appearances, Tammy constantly seems to resent Jack’s presence and ruining what little spare time she has by constantly shoving a camera in her face. The few times she truly lights up is when she’s interacting with her friends, eating large portions of grease and cheese laden food, and occasionally laughing at Jack’s racist or off colour jokes.

Her attitude towards Jack’s many indiscretions, as noted above, tends to be apathy. Deciding to start a relationship, marry and have children with a man who beats his family and forces his son into homelessness for most people would be a difficult decision, but Tammy has never showed any sign of caring about her husband one way or the other. Tammy, originally from the American heartland as she is, drew Jack into the church and the right wing as a way of helping absolve Jack of how his crimes, and now he practices with a fervour far beyond hers. As a whole their marriage seems based entirely on inertia, the pressures of modern conservative Christianity and a desire to stay together for the sake of their son rather than any real affection on her part.

Tammy’s family are openly contemptuous of Jack, due no doubt not only to knowing his history of domestic abuse and his uselessness as both a husband and father, but also due to ruining their family gathering with his camera and his impetuous selfishness. It’s clear from their few interactions that they have a long-time resentment of Jack and his upbeat attempts to cajole them make them very unamused. And as the mother of his second child Tammy seems closer to Jack Junior than his father, their oedipal touchy-feely relationship a far cry for the open resentment and bickering Junior shares with his father.

Relationship with Jack Junior

The prodigal son, Jack Scalfani II is Jack Sr’s re-do/vanity project of a child and the earliest evidence of Jack’s infantile infatuation with putting his own name of everything. Tammy and Jack Junior share a closeness and a lack of open hostility they don’t share with Jack, and if Jack’s past behaviour towards his first wife and first child is anything to go by, the answer for that is obvious. On camera Jack has been mean and threatening towards Tammy and Jack Junior on multiple occasions, which leads Tammy to be protective of Jack Junior. Unfortunately Tammy seems to externalise this threat as coming from the progressive nature of California rather than from within her own family. Oddly the sickly oedipal undertones of Tammy and Jack Junior seem to mirror the bizarre relationship Jack Senior shares with his mother. Although that hardly seems intentional given what we know of Jack’s volatile, broken upbringing it seems that history repeats itself.

Tammy and the Church

Despite bringing Jack into the flock Tammy lacks the zealotry of someone who went looking for redemption late in life. However this has never stopped her from funding the private jets of convicted murderers who run mega churches, or buying into contemporary conservative fever dreams such as the illuminati. Moreso than Jack her churchgoing seems ingrained from childhood, a thing she considers a normal part of her day-to-day life than a call to arms she has to take up and pursue.

Tammy’s life in the future

The big questions of why Tammy has done and continues to stand by Jack will likely never be answered in full; and, considering how she’s continued to support Jack all these years despite his nastiness means she’s unlikely to ever make him face consequences for his actions. If there’s a person to blame for Jack’s mediocre celebrity and constant inflicting of horrific cruelties on the world, aside from Jack himself, its Tammy, who deserves almost as much scorn and blame as her husband for devoting her life to enabling him.