Are you kidding me? 8 kids just got murdered. I can’t believe you’re trying to politicize their deaths by bringing gun violence into the national conversation. I’m ashamed of you.

This is a terrible time to discuss gun violence. Everyone is very emotional, and no one is thinking rationally. Right now, people are scared of guns, but if they wait a few weeks, they’ll forget that their classmates and children were murdered. That will be a good time to talk about guns.

Now is the wrong time to talk about gun violence. The government has much bigger issues to address – like the budget. And my wife’s nose job.

This is a terrible time to talk about gun violence. Did you even look at my Google Calendar? Back-to-back meetings all day. I’m embarrassed for you.

I didn’t sleep well, and I have a kink in my back. I don’t think melatonin actually works. Let’s keep the gun violence talk to a minimum, at least while I’m napping.

This is a bad time to talk about gun violence because I have to pee. Can it wait until I get back?