A CONSERVATIVE voter has annoyed everyone by not being as evil as they had hoped.

84-year-old Mary Fisher, who lives in a bungalow with a cat, has a track record of being pleasant and helpful, despite liking Theresa May.

Neighbour Roy Hobbs said: “I would love to say she’s a stuck-up Tory cow and class traitor, but she gave me some jam last week and it was really nice.

“It’s annoying really, I wish she would do some evil stuff but she mostly just sits in her greenhouse reading Catherine Cookson books.

“It’s possible she is a bit prejudiced, although that would be pure speculation. To be fair she does sometimes volunteer at the Oxfam shop and they give money to Africa.

“Mary loves Theresa May because she’s ‘sensible’, so I suppose you could attack her grasp of logic.

“But then yesterday I burned my hand pouring petrol on a barbecue so I can’t really take the high ground there either.”