Remy enters the Transportation Security Administration's contest seeking helpful hints to improve airport security lines.

Let's hope he wins.

Approximately 1:45 minutes. Written and performed by Remy. Video and graphics by Meredith Bragg. Music tracks by Ben Karlstrom.

Scroll down for downloadable versions and subscribe to Reason TV's YouTube channel to get automatic notifications when new material goes live. You can follow Reason on Twitter at @reason and follow Remy on Twitter at @goremy and on YouTube here.

To see more Remy/Reason TV videos, go here.

LYRICS:

Well, video contests they ain't really my kind of hobby, uh,

but 15 grand? You're cutting checks like your name was Slovakia

but if you're asking for some tips I've got a couple rules

to make the lines even shorter than the ones to get in this school

Just because it zips up don't make them take their vest off

If they just had a mastectomy don't make them take their breast off

if you're looking for another tip to save a couple minutes

if they're shrieking for their momma while you grope them they're not terrorists



Assaulting children's never good and it's safe to assume

The only time it's okay is if your name's Orlando Bloom

And if you're looking for even more time I swear you'll have enough

if when people go through TSA you don't steal any of their stuff



You'd save time if the guy up at the ID checking place

Knows the District of Columbia's in the United States

and if you can bring apples on board or a crate of Macintosh

you could save some time by not arresting ladies who bring applesauce



Making old folks take their pants off? How is that embarrassing?

Well the answer to both questions just happens to be "Depends"

If someone fought in Korea facing bullets, death, and strife

maybe that should be the most traumatic thing they go through in their life

Now at this point I realize that offering this dollop

of advice will likely lead to you checking me for polyps

But if you think it's no use and my entry's gone awry

Like a rape victim that gets pat down all I can do is cry