The editors of the Low Churchman’s Guide to the Solemn High Mass are sorry to announce the cessation of this informational series. Despite the importance of the Guide as a source of reliable and accurate information in a world besieged by Ritualism, the task of composing and fact-checking our articles has taken time away from more important tasks, such as picketing outside Ritualist churches and throwing rocks through stained-glass windows. It has further come to our attention that numerous social ills exist that do not fall under the direct purview of the Ritualist movement, a non-exhaustive list of which would include “dancing,” “fantasy novels,” “Velcro,” “automobiles,” and “flavoured vodka.” The retirement of this series will therefore allow our staff the freedom to protest against a greater variety of un-English and undignified modes of happiness.

In its short existence the Low Churchman’s Guide has exposed the dangers of organ shoes, narthices, Compline and other horrors to a generation apparently oblivious to their mortal danger. Critical acclaim for the Guide has been extensive, recognizing our writers for their “noxious attitudes” and “constant poking fun… a repeated revelation of his own ignorance and lack of understanding.” The many honours showered upon the Guide might tempt our staff to an attitude of unbecoming pride, but we remain true to the agenda that motivated its foundation in the first place: if even one person has been dissuaded from embarking upon a Ritualist career through reading our work, then the Guide has served its purpose. Such thoughts will provide reassurance and comfort as our editors embark upon new projects.

Although the Guide will no longer be updated, we are confident that the existing articles will provide materials of practical use to other low churchmen bewildered by the extent of Ritualist perversity. Its contents will also no doubt be useful to future generations of scholars attempting to trace the genesis and extent of the Ritualist phenomenon once it dies out, as it soon surely must. To aid these researchers in their efforts, the last official act of our staff will be to index our existing content under practical subject headings.

At this juncture it is traditional for an editor to extend a word of thanks to his readers for their invaluable service in making the publication a success. Loyal churchmen do not acknowledge the weight of tradition as having any determinative force, however, and in any case it is not clear why one should feel obligated to thank readers who contributed nothing toward the material support of this publication whatsoever. Our staff wrote all of the articles; you had only to read them. We hope that you will not send us letters of condolence or attempt to contact us in any manner; we do not plan to respond to any such messages.