The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.

The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.

Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.

* = this means you can’t sue me

Reddit March Madness Second Round – 2 Villanova 78, 7 Michigan 68

Since 2014, the NCAA Tournament been pretty straight forward for Villanova: second round or championship.

In 2014, 2015, 2017 and 2019, the Wildcats failed the reach the Sweet 16, losing in the Round of 32 each time. In 2016 and 2018, Villanova managed to make it beyond the second stage of the Madness, then got through all the stages and won the whole entire thing.

In 2020, the team has taken the first step to a title, if history is anything to go by, with its 78-68 win over Michigan.

“Are we a team of destiny?” Jay Wright asked in the press conference despite no one prompting him. “I don’t know. I’m not a magician. But what I do know is this: these boys are fighters, these boys are scrapers. And most importantly, these boys are very good at basketball, the sport we’re playing.”

Michigan was up four with a little more than four minutes to go, then gave up a 12-6 run to end the game. That’s why the Wolverines find themselves packing their bags.

“Not even Uncle Phil Martelli could bail me out of this one,” said Michigan head coach and one of the many princes, though oft referred to as the freshest, who rule in Bel Air Juwan Howard, his face in his hands with his funky fresh flat bill with neon spray paint turned to the back on his head. “What if I never get my life together, man?”

Villanova shut off the three-point line, only allowing Michigan to take six shots from beyond the arc in the entire game. The Wildcats shot poorly from deep themselves, going 6-of-23 from three, but outstanding scoring displays via Justin Moore and Saddiq Bey, who combined for 42 points, a double-double from triplets Jeremiah, Robinson and Earl and 12 assists from Collin Gillespie was enough to overcome that inefficiency.

“Everyone played very aligned today,” Bey said. “Our rhythms were one.”

Jeremiah, Robinson and Earl explained how the realizations they’ve come to lately really helped them today.

“We’re a scorpio, and today our horoscope said that for a few weeks, we’ve been struggling with our physical appearance,” said the medically-conjoined elite basketball machine. “Our horoscope also said that a decision we make at the end of the day will help with those negative thoughts, and tonight was that decision. We decided that we don’t care if having three people smashed into one mechanical-engineered monster of a basketball superhuman doesn’t fit into the constraints of conventional attractiveness. We’re all beautiful in our own ways, and basketball is how we share our beauty with the world.”

Villanova will take on the winner of No. 3 seed Duke and No. 6 seed West Virginia (Saturday at 8 p.m. EST) in the Sweet 16. Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.

Part of the proceeds from the sale of each #RedditMarchMadness t-shirt will go toward helping those in the basketball community affected by COVID-19. We will be partnering with non-profits like the Give and Go Foundation on the effort. If you know of a worthy group that could use some extra funds, please reach out.