From the moment the moment the Houston Oilers left for Tennessee, any expansion team in Houston would be the NFL’s Lesotho, a landlocked southern African nation within the borders of South Africa. That’s the best approximation for the Houston Texans. They’re surrounded by the Dallas Cowboys, seeing as how America’s Team would naturally dominate their capital state.

Aug 25, 2013; Houston, TX, USA; Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub (8) is sacked by New Orleans Saints defensive end Glenn Foster (74) during the second quarter at Reliant Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

Instead of being content that they get to have their own AFC South franchise, Houston Texans fans have made games like tonight’s meaningless pre-season contest a “rivalry.” It’s as much of a rivalry as when that skinny kid picked on the big kid in that 2011 viral video from Australia. And in regular season play, when it’s counted, the Cowboys have similarly crushed the competition for a 2-1 series record, and a 7-4 overall record against Houston NFL teams. (Cowboys are 5-2 in Houston, by the way.)

I’m aware this article is going to press as Alex Tanney is scrambling around trying to make a case to 31 other NFL teams that he’s their huckleberry, but this is a document intended to inspire Dallas Cowboys fans with facts more substantial, more biting, more precise to prove just how pathetic Houston pro football is. Use it in good health.