Julian Assange, WikiLeaks founder and enemy of hairstylists worldwide, recently made the news by accusing "the American liberal press" of "erecting a demon" in the form of Hilary Clinton. Assange claims that Clinton is creating a "neo-McCarthyist hysteria" and will "put nooses around everyone's necks as soon as she wins." Presumably he means all of her enemies, not literally everyone. That wouldn't leave her with much of a country to run.

Politics aside, that's the kind of statement you'd expect from an old white Confederate-flag-wearing man whom you'd slowly back away from in a Walmart parking lot, not the head of an organization that handles state secrets. I think it's safe to say that even the staunchest of Clinton's non-crazy opponents don't think that she's going to roll a gallows onto Pennsylvania Avenue during her inauguration and declare, "Today begins the thousand-year reign of the New Flesh." But if it makes you feel better, Mr. Assange, I swear that I will never give Hillary Clinton an erection.

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There are many possible explanations for Assange's comments. Maybe he has a grudge against Clinton. Maybe he's being bombastic to get attention. Maybe he has a demon fetish. Or maybe Julian Assange's time in isolation is driving him completely fucking insane.

If you need a refresher, Assange is living in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. If he leaves, he'll be arrested and deported to Sweden to face rape allegations, and Sweden could then send him to the U.S. as part of its criminal investigation into WikiLeaks. (There's also, you know, the risk of being found guilty of rape.)