Welcome to Gatineau Ottawa! It’s the world’s #1 capital city in summer-to-winter climate differential! For any and all Americans travelling to the Grand Prix, I’ll have you know that we only just this weekend got a bunch of snow, so your northeastern states can suck it.

Ottawa is world-renowned for having the highest density of Shawarma-per-capita, the least thrilling downtown core of any city ever on evenings or weekends, being the birthplace of Alanis Morrissette, and at 11+ kilometers we have the longest skating rink in the world (offer only available in February).

There really is no shortage of things to do here in Ottawa (that is a lie), but as part of my misplaced sense of hometown pride, I feel obligated to share with you a list of good things to do or places to visit between your as-late-as-possible arrival Friday night and your probably-rebooking-an-earlier-flight departure on Sunday evening!

All of these locations are within a short drive or a quick bus ride from the Palais-des-Congres de Gatineau… *sigh*:

The Market

Pretty much anything that approximates nightlife or culture happens in The Byward Market, located just east of the downtown core. There is good food available here, many bars of varying seediness, and lots of options to meet your tastes and budget. My personal recommendations:

The Black Thorn: Not cheap, but the quality when I’ve been there has been excellent.

Kinki/Mambo: Very avant-garde, again not cheap but the closest we have to fine modern dining.

The Keg/Empire Grill: Expensive/more expensive. Good steak/Great steak.

Heart and Crown/Pour House/Aulde Dubliner/Highlander Pub: Run-of-the-mill pub eateries.

Real Sports Bar and Grill: Will probably be packed, they don’t take reservations. Good luck.

The Market is conveniently located right across from the Rideau Center – the largest and only relevant shopping mall in town. You know what else is really cool about the Rideau Center? There’s a convention center attached directly to it! Oh, what’s that you say? They could’ve just held the Grand Prix here and it would have been awesome and so close and convenient for everyone to access all the cool things and neat places and nearby hotels and good nightlife and food and pretty much everything?

Oh my sweet, summer child. They booked the conference center across the river since it’s winter and it’s cheaper and nothing good has ever come from the “other” side of the river.

Bank

Bank St starts at the feet of the Parliament buildings, Canada’s White House + Capitol + Congress, and it functions as the real East/West divider of the city. You may have seen recently in the news, the story of the Parliament shooter that tragically achieved mainstream media infamy. If you’d like to pay your respects to Cpl. Cirillo who died Oct 22, and for all other soldiers who’ve perished defending their country, the War Memorial is just a bit east from Parliament, down Wellington.

Bank is a really long street, and literally every inch of it is commercial – retail and food. You can walk down Bank long enough and eventually you’ll find what it is you desire. You might have to walk for a really long time. You’ll find the better food and bars along Bank between Cooper and Gladstone. You’ll find some decent food here and the price isn’t going to be outrageous.

Elgin

Elgin St is like Bank, but shorter and trendier. Better restaurants, more expensive. If I’m being honest, this is probably the place you want to go for a Saturday night gathering with all your DI buds that you only get to see on GP weekends. Not so expensive that you’ll have to sell some Force of Wills to not feel guilty about eating here, but probably just expensive enough that you’ll feel great about gaming the bill. May the Magic Gods bless you with a free meal here.

Preston/Somerset

Preston St between Somerset and Carling is Ottawa’s Little Italy. There’s plenty to choose from here.

Somerset St between Bronson and Preston is Ottawa’s Chinatown. Lots of Pho available.

Monopolatte at Somerset and Percy is a neat little board game café. So very Seattle/Portland of us.

OTHER STUFF! EVERYTHING’S HAPPENING OH MY GOD

1) There’s an NHL Ottawa Senators home* game on Saturday at 3 pm, the 22nd. We play against St. Louis, so the tickets won’t be that expensive. If you’ve ever wanted to see what kind of a raucous and passionate Canadian fan base can really be… you ABSOLUTELY won’t find it here!

*I use the term “Home” very loosely. The arena is 25 minutes out of town, in what one would call barely within city limits. That being said, bus transit is pretty decent and is cheaply available which allows you to drink away the sorrow of having had to watch the Senators inevitably let you down this year, just like they have every year – to your heart’s content.

2) There are several fine gaming establishments in town, a select few of which I’ll plug in hopes I get some kind of kickback… sadly, none of them are realistically close to the event site, but if you have vehicle access and you’ve punted your way out of Day 2 contention, check these fine stores out:

– The Wizard’s Tower (West end – Barrhaven)

– The Kessel Run (East end – Orleans)

3) Gatineau has precisely two redeeming qualities and both make for a pretty crazy outing if you’re a complete sicko degen DI grinder 4 lyfe:

– Casino de Lac Leamy: Speaks for itself, good gaming and they have very soft poker tables.

– Top Karting: For the hardcore Go-Karting enthusiast in you! (Indoor, obviously)

4) Nope, there’s pretty much nothing else happening that’s remotely interesting.

So… When you’re not withering away in Gatineau, face-first in Khans of Tarkir limited, I encourage you to have some fun in Ottawa. I’m realistic about the likelihood of you really being wowed by our fine city, especially since the GP really isn’t taking place in it at all, but there’s enough here to keep you entertained through the weekend, I assure you.

If you’re looking for something specific or fun to do (laser tag, karaoke, that kind of thing) follow me on Twitter @jcokn and ask me! I know my way around the town pretty well and I’ll do my best to answer any questions as they come in.