Ten years ago when our children were toddlers our house was covered in toys. You couldn’t walk through the house without tripping over a toy that were sticking out of cupboards, in bookshelves and all over the floor. Over time the kids out grew the toys so we discarded them or handed them on to friends. Slowly the house got back into some type of order and we forgot about the dark days when walking across the lounge room floor was a experience in obstacle avoidance.

Now things have changed, our children and are teenagers and have moved on to the PlayStation and Xbox. However for some reason the toys have reappeared. This time they are not from the children but from our Golden Retriever named Storm. Our lounge room is now covered in rope toys, stuffed animal and a weird looking dolphin thing I think we picked up from IKEA. He carries them around like a safety blanket and piles them in a corner once he’s finished covering them with slobber.

These are not normal looking toys, the majority of his toys appear to be war victims. Some are missing arms, any stuffed toy with a tail has had it removed or torn away, body parts are missing and everything is covered in slobber. When I ask Storm about this he talks fondly of his relationship with his toys and tells me that they are best of friends.

I have to agree with him because after telling me this information it’s obvious that Storm is a psychopath who is oblivious to the harm he does to others. As a result of his words I’m frightened to disagree in case he decides to remove one of my arms in a misplaced sign of friendship.

Have you ever seen a dog sleep when they have a codependency relationship with stuffed toys? Storm has his favourite spot near the window where he spends the majority of his time. The problem is he demanded we buy him a raised bed to sleep on. I’ve got no idea why he wants this bed, he can never fit into it. Whenever he decides to sleep every toy in the neighbourhood is invited over for a nap.

He loads his bed with so many “guests” there is hardly any space for him to lie down. He tries anyway but he looks uncomfortable as it’s obvious there is not enough room for everybody, but as he’s so invested in his brilliant idea of having a bed party any negative logistical issues are soon ignored.

It’s a weird thing to watch, he shows them so much respect but at other times of the day he has no issue ripping off their limbs or ingesting their body parts.

But I guess that’s normal behaviour for a psychopath?

In this sad tale of death and suffering there are two things I’m grateful for, he has not decided to bring his friends with him when we force him to have a bath and more importantly he doesn’t want to play the kids Playstation in the bath.

I guess that day is coming but until that day arrives his toys can continue living in fear of their “best friend” who only wants to be loved.