(Oan takin’ a hunner fur Facebook an’ postin’ when pished).

Oh my Goad, am feelin’ great;

Aff tae the dance flair tae gyrate.

Oor kitchen’s lookin’ like a sea

Of glam an’ glitter.

A hawd oan tae ma bevvy ticht

In case a slitter.

Sippin’ oan ma rum an’ juice;

A must admit, am feelin’ loose,

An’ dinnae wahnt tae hink aboot

The morra’s heid.

A pray an’ hope ah’ll be jist fine

Efter a feed.

Am lookin’ smashin; whit a stunner!

A drain ma gless doon in a wunner

An’ noo a really feel the need

Tae stert the show;

Grabbin’ ma wee phone fur snaps;

We’re gid tae go.

A summon aw ma lassies through

An’ switch the camera tae front view

An’ staun’ an’ gee ma ginger loacks

A soart and fix.

We huddle roon’ an’ wait tae hear

The fast wee clicks.

A shuffle roon’ an’ change ma stance,

We dae some shoats an’ huv a dance,

A feel ma face is braw enough

Fur its ane shoot.

A stagger up and git a pal:

Am pished, nae doot.

Then in the moarn we congregate

An’ wae deep breaths we face oor fate,

An’ try tae fin’ oot whit the Hell

We hink wint oan.

A drag ma erse oot of ma pit

An’ check ma phone.

But then wan photie gees me fright;

There must jist no huv bin gid light.

“Git that aff, ah look like shite!”

Ah flap an’ plead.

But a ken there’s jist nae point;

It’s oan “News Feed”.

There’s mare oanline, a look sae silly;

Am staunin’ wae a blow-up wullie,

Ma cross-eyed heid is gazin’

Intae time an’ space.

Aw shite, ah cannae quite believe

This fine disgrace.

A scrabble tae git them awa’

But hawf ma freens huv seen them aw,

An’ noo a wish a hudnae been

Sae bloody steamin’.

Here come the comments fae ma maw;

Ma cheeks are beamin’.