This started out as an explanation on how Bitcoin changed my perspective on money, but turned into a life story. It is cathartic getting this off my chest and decided to post it as is. It's very personal, but maybe someone will enjoy reading it.

My first understandings of the concept behind money had a negative connotation. Having it made you happy and not having it made you miserable. I grew up in a trailer with 7 cats (Dusty, Easy, Tic-Tac, Callie the Caliko, Larky, Midnight, and Socks). Any whiff of ammonia gives me flashbacks to those days. My dad dropped out of highschool and got a job at a steel mill; backbreaking work that left him exhausted. No one enjoys working at the mill, but they all do it to provide for their family. He wanted a better life for my family. That meant picking up doubles to get more money.

My dad was always trying to come up with get rich quick schemes. He was Wile E. Coyote and money was the Roadrunner. Back when food stamps were actually stamps, him and the trailer park boys would play poker wagering the welfare. Suffice to say, we came up with creative ways to cook Top Ramen and hotdogs. I was taught matching numbers from scratch off and lotto tickets. Drawers full of receipts reminded him of his constant failure.

Holes are dug for foundations, but they are also dug for graves. Lotto tickets moved to sports betting. He'd take me to the bookie with him and I'd play quarter slots in the room while they discussed business. When leaving, my dad would have the look of confidence in his eyes. We'd watch football together. The rest of my family had allegiance to specific teams, but my dad always rooted for the underdog. He'd scream at the TV and drown the anger with Miller Genuine Draft. It wasn't until 25 years later that I understood why he rooted for the underdog. It wasn't because he was rooting for the little guy, it was because the little guy had better odds. Somehow, the cats were always fed though.

I always enjoyed going to my Grandmas. She had no cats, fed me cookies, and had a Nintendo. Coming from West Virginia, she was oddly good at Duck Hunt. While I would stand close to the TV, she'd stand back until the cord was fully taut and knock those ducks out of the sky with ease. Every night, we'd go to the same diner where she met some friends to play Scrabble. Before leaving, she'd go into her closet, pull out a shoe box of cash, and take some cash out for the evening. Like any grandparent that had lived through the great depression. She had money hidden in every nook and cranny. She told me that banks hold your money, but don't always give it back. The only way money is only yours is if you keep it yourself.

A few years later, she plugged in a curling iron and fell asleep on the couch while it warmed up. Waking up to the thick smell of smoke, she ran out side and tried calling 911, but the wiring was already burnt. Luckily, a neighbor saw the smoke and called for her. By the time the firefighters arrived, her bright blue house was a charred black. We went to visit her at my aunts while she explained everything. I was too young to understand why she was so sad. It wasn't just the memories she lost, the majority of her money was gone. Insurance only covers so much and it's hard to claim you had thousands of dollars stuffed in walls. Luckily, she had gold hidden in a fireproof safe. After the fire, she wasn't the same. She moved into an apartment and rarely went out anymore.

When she passed away, my mom received a small inheritance which we used to build a house It was enough for a down payment for a 30 year mortgage, which was an additional bill in the back of my dad's mind. The need for more money fueled further gambling, which furthered drinking to cope with his failures, which led to my parents' divorce. At 13, I moved into and apartment with my mom my dad was left with an empty house, 25 years left on the mortgage, and a constant reminder of his failures.

My mom met a great new guy not too long after. He had a good job in sales and after a year, they got married and we moved in with him in a huge house. Things were looking up. I did better in school and started doing track. It was one of the few sports that didn't require a lot of money to get involved with. You didn't need to spent a lot of money on good equipment, just run and jump. By 16, I was on the varsity team and my 400m earned me the nickname of jackrabbit by my coach (not in a sexual Nassar way). Out of nowhere, my stepdad's office closed and once again we were on welfare (at least they weren't stamps anymore). My stepdad was was very prepared and financially stable, so at least we still had regular meals. My mom urged me to get a job to help with the bills and I convinced her my track career was more important because it could lead to scholarships. Murphy's law went right into action and this jackrabbit jumped too high. I landed awkwardly on my foot and immediately on my foot. My coach assured me it was just a sprain, but when X-rays came back, it was fractured. In the height of track season, I was out. Not only that, I was not covered on my stepdad's insurance and had a $3,000 bill. So at 16, I started my first job at K-Mart.

This was my first true understanding of money. I worked for a small allowance before, but that was different. My schedule was 4pm-9pm on week days and 1pm-9pm on weekends; roughly 30 hours a week. I was excited for my first paycheck. I figured I'd have this medical paid off in no time. I ripped open the envelope and quickly unfolded the check to see $250. This had to be a mistake! I looked and all of my hours were there. 60 hours of my time and $250 it didn't even cover 10% of my medical bill. At best, it'd take half a year to pay it off. I was depressed because I missed running and realized my chances of affording a university was slim. My stepdad found another job netting him a lot more money and I continued to work at K-Mart for the rest of school.

I'd see my dad on the weekends, but it was always depressing. He'd drink and you never knew what type of drunk he'd be. Sometimes, he'd be the funny drunk and sometimes he'd be the angry drunk. He got injured at work, got on disability, and drank himself into a stupor. Eventually, I stopped going over and we had a falling out. Our conversations devolved into yelling at each other and tears on both sides of the phone. I was too young to understand why and he was too stubborn to admit why. Luckily, my daddy issues were at the height of the Myspace era, so my dyed black hair and lip piercings were perfect timing.

Senior year came and I had to fill out my FAFSA. Since I lived with my Stepdad, I had to include his income in my FAFSA despite my mom not working and my dad being on disability. The only thing I qualified for was student loans. I settled on a local regional campus of a university while living with my mom and stepdad and worked at various retail companies throughout.

At 20, I was working the lumber yard at Menard's. I enjoyed it because you were outside, it kept you in shape, and lifting lumber was a good way to take out stress. One morning I got a phone call from my uncle who never calls me. I took the call in front of the store and he informed me that my dad passed away. I tried holding it in, but I lost it. All the frustration I had been holding back over the years came pouring out. A shift manager yelled at me saying "You're not supposed to be on your phone while working!" in which I replied "I'm on the phone you fucking bitch!" She said "Oh ok!" and I continued the conversation with my uncle. Afterwards, I collected myself and walked through the store toward the lumber yard. If anyone has been to a Menards, they know every employee has a walkie talkie. The shift manager I had yelled at felt it necessary to broadcast to the store that my dad had passed away. Everyone staring just added to the frustration. All I wanted to do was go back and put lumber away to take out my frustrations. Ten minutes later, the store manager came out and told me I need to leave. I told him I'd rather work right now, but he forced me to.

This is where I learned how expensive death can be. My dad died with a lot of debts. All of his assets and the house were sold to pay off debtors. I would get stoic calls from debt collectors trying to collect debts from me. I couldn't afford a funeral, so we held a wake and cremation. $4,000 split between me and my uncle. For months, I'd get calls from debt collectors constantly reminding me of his death and the relationship I had with him.

I graduated in 2008 with a degree in Economics during the height of the 2008 financial crisis. It's interesting studying about how you're going to be fucked when you graduate. With my retail experience, I took the first job I could get as an assistant manager of a retail store. Making $45k right out of college wasn't bad. After one year, I realized it wasn't for me. The work was not challenging and 60 hour weeks left little time for friends or dating. I wanted to go back to school and do it right this time. I talked to my parents about it and my stepdad offered to help me financially while I go to school. I took him up on the offer and went to another regional campus for actuarial science with a goal of becoming an actuary.

Not wanting to let my stepdad down, I took it very seriously. I took classes, tutored mathematics for work, and volunteered at an after school STEM program. I built up relationships with the professors and worked to pass actuarial exams ahead of schedule. Midway through my 2nd year, I get a call from my mom hysterical saying my stepdad is in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital and found my family in the waiting room. My stepdad had a stroke and the hospital was trying to get a hold of the neurologist on call. The Neurologist refused to come in stating "If he had a stroke, then there's nothing I can do about it". It took us 7 hours to get him airlifted to a larger hospital. They determined it was a loss of blood stroke and did an experimental procedure to remove the clot. By then it was too late and he never recovered.

My stepdad was oddly prepared for death. Had multiple life insurance policies and a will set up. We were able to do a proper funeral for him and my mom and I received a lot of support from all his friends. This allowed me to continue focusing on school while making sure my mom was ok. She had enough money to survive for a year and we started a lawsuit against the hospital for negligence from one of those lawyers you always see on the commercials during The Price Is Right.

I finished school and somehow managed to land a job in a well respected consulting company as an actuarial consultant in the nearest large city. Since my stepdad passed away, I no longer had the financial support, so was maxing out credit cards so I could afford to move. My first year and a half was spent paying down my credit card debts. The 2nd-3rd year was spent staying afloat and helping my mom with payments while the lawsuit continued. On the 4th year, the lawsuit settled and my mom received a large enough settlement to live off of for the rest of her life. I set her up with a certified financial planner and was able to start saving money.

Once that was settled and my mom didn't depend on my paycheck, I realized how much I did not enjoy my job. I became pigeonholed in a certain type of work and wasn't learning any personal skills. The 60-70 hour work weeks began to take a toll on me. My friendships were waning and I was still single. The emotions I had been pushing aside crept up on me and I became riddled with anxiety. I felt stuck in my job due to college debt and that sent me into depression. Enter Bitcoin.

I overheard a couple of coworkers talking about stocks and then one mentioned bitcoin and how much they had made from it. My inner Wile E. Coyote came out and I went to doing research. The first thing I saw were Andreas Antonopoulos' talks and podcasts. I read his book "The Internet of Money" and read up on the history and how the technology works. I soaked up any information I could before dipping my toes in. I cashed in my credit card points (I had A LOT) and $2k of my own money over the weeks and continued my research. In months, I had quadrupled my investment and couldn't believe it. It was surreal. I had never had this much money at once and I was dumbfounded. Throughout the year, it continued to grow and grow.

Now that I wasn't blinded by needing money, I understood the reason why it is a life changing technology. It's not just the get rich quick scheme. It takes all the things I hated about money growing up and made it better. You have control of the money and no one can take it away from you. Money doesn't need to be stored in shoe boxes only to get burnt down. Governments and banks can't take it away from you. Just like with books in Farenheit 451, all you need to memorize is a seed of words and you have access to your money. Not only does it store your money safely, it can be used quickly and easily to anyone in the world.

I didn't understand the block size debates at the time and thought fees were a necessary part of the design. I heard arguments from both sides and didn't have the knowledge to know what side was correct. Then the split came and I received two coins. Bitcoin and Bitcoin Cash. Both were fighting for the name Bitcoin and the fight still continues. I owned both coins so just held to both of them. December came and my profits were at an all time high. To share this new discovery, I wanted to give some to my friends and family. When I got to the fee confirmation, I was set with a $50 fee to send $200. I figured it was a glitch, so waited a couple of hours and tried again. $60 to send $200. Waited another day and still $40. It would have been cheaper for me to cash the money out and buy them a gift card. That's not the Bitcoin I was used to.

Due to the success of Bitcoin, I had enough money to live off comfortably for a year. I was able to have the confidence to ask my boss to pursue other interests other than the routine work I was doing. When he stated he couldn't do that, I was able to have the confidence to quit my job. For the first time since I was 16, I don't have to worry about money. I can learn for the sake of learning and find a career that I'll actually enjoy. I am forever indebted and fortunate for the opportunity Bitcoin has given me.

Bitcoin is no better than any currency if it costs a lot of money to use. I waited and believed Lightning Network was the solution. After seeing it in use, I was skeptical. I didn't fully understand the technology and decided to ask questions on the Bitcoin subreddit. I would ask questions that I thought may be possible exploits to the system. Some people answered my questions, but after asking more questions, they eventually called me a shill. Minutes after that, I was banned from posting on the subreddit for trolling. This seems counter-intuitive to the overall concept of Bitcoin.

While Bitcoin put all of its eggs into the continual development of Lightning Network, Bitcoin cash has made progress toward adoption and focusing what made Bitcoin great. I received my first tip on Reddit and was surprised how simple it was. Slowly, we're seeing companies that were pro Bitcoin moving to Bitcoin Cash: Yours.org and Satoshi Dice being some of the big ones. Regardless of the name, this is the technology and ideology I support. It's both the gold my grandma stored in the safe and the cash she stored in her shoebox. It's the economic freedom everyone should have access to.



