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President Trump’s fixer Michael Cohen revealed to Congress that he strong-armed the prodigal con artist’s alma maters to make sure the “stable genuis ”’ grades weren’t released because it would unequivocally confirm that the president is a goddamn idiot.




In fact, Fordham University confirmed that Cohen threatened legal action should his successions of Fs be released.

Fordham spokesman Bob Howe told the Associated Press that Trump’s then-attorney sent a follow-up letter “summarizing the call and reminding us that they would take action against the university if we did, in fact, release Mr. Trump’s records.”


Why wouldn’t the president want his school records released? According to him, he’s a genius and a master dealmaker. Could it be that his grades look a lot like Dolly Parton’s breast size? Could it be that the president failed swimming and he doesn’t want to explain that it’s not that he couldn’t swim but he’s a “never nude” and the school wouldn’t allow him to swim in Daisy Dukes?

Are we supposed to believe that someone with Trump’s level of bloated narcissism wouldn’t want the public to find out how smart they are? It strains credulity. Also, Trump’s vocabulary is so low that he probably thinks Ex-Lax and a high-fiber diet a prevents him from “straining his credulity.”

From the Hill:

During his public testimony before the House Oversight and Reform Committee on Wednesday, Cohen gave Congress a letter he said he wrote to the president of Fordham University in May 2015. Cohen warned the university in the letter that several media outlets that requested Trump’s records had already been denied access to the records by his legal team. The letter also warned that Trump’s legal team would hold the school liable “to the fullest extent of the law” if it released his student records, which are protected by federal law. In the letter, Cohen also warned that the school could face “both criminal and civil liability and damages including, among other things, substantial fines, penalties and even the potential loss of government aid and other funding” if it violated the then-presidential candidate’s confidentiality. “This criminality will lead to jail time,” Cohen stated in the letter.

Cohen also told Congress Wednesday that Trump told him to threaten every educational institution he attended because he didn’t want his grades or his college board scores released.


“I’m talking about a man who declares himself brilliant, but directed me to threaten his high school, his colleges and the College Board to never release his grades or SAT scores,” Cohen, Trump’s former lawyer, said.



Also, it should be noted this had to be one of Cohen’s pettiest moves and it was quite brilliant. Before heading to the pokey, Trump’s 52-year-old former hitman and check deliverer tried to burn the White House down and I’m here for it.


The Hill notes that the “president attended the New York Military Academy in 1964 and enrolled in Fordham University shortly after, which he attended from 1964 to 1966. He later transferred to the University of Pennsylvania, which he attended from 1966 to 1968 and received his degree.”

The University of Pennsylvania and the College Board declined the Hill’s request for comment and a spokesperson from the New York Military Academy told the Associated Press that school officials have no past records of communication with Trump’s legal team.