SYRIA’S civil war will witness slightly fewer explosions after MPs voted to keep British bombs for something else.

Prime minister David Cameron pleaded with MPs to back his plan to make no difference whatsoever to the Middle East’s latest bout of total and complete insanity.

But 30 Conservative backbenchers defied Mr Cameron and backed Labour’s plan to make no difference whatsoever to the Middle East’s latest bout of total and complete insanity.

Mr Cameron said: “Syria needs more explosions.”

Labour leader Ed Miliband replied: “Syria needs more chin-scratching.”

MPs on both sides then spent the next nine hours shouting ‘bombs’ and ‘chins’ at each other.

Julian Cook, professor of collateral damage at Roehampton University, said: “The Americans now face the financial burden of adding those 500 additional explosions to Syria.

“But they’ll do it because, given the opportunity, an American will always make something explode.”

Professor Cook added: “If we genuinely want to help we should hire 500 or so luxury liners to accommodate Syria’s children and sane adults. It would be like Dunkirk except the boats wouldn’t really go anywhere.

“Then we build a wall round Syria, wait until the last nutter shoots himself in the face and then the people on the ships can go home.

“Eventually we are going to have to try that.”