I start to think this "date" may have been a mistake about an hour before Natsuki arrives.

While chopping a carrot for the stir fry, I manage to cut three of my fingers. While none of them are particularly serious, I'm a little concerned by the second; after the third, I'm worried this might be an omen. This feeling returns when I burn the back of my hand on the wok. Again, it's not particularly grievous, and after the stir-fry is done, I take care of it without much trouble. Even with these minor setbacks, I'm able to finish everything just in time to let Natsuki in.

She notices the bandaged hand first; she doesn't say anything, at first, anyways, but I catch her gaze as I hand her a bowl of food. She tries to look away quickly, like she hadn't been trying to see how badly I hurt myself, but instead her gaze ends up on the trio of bandaids on the opposite hand. "It's nothing," I try to say with a smile, but I'm not sure if it's to convince her or myself. "Just a little… absent-minded today, I guess."

She smiles back, but where mine feels hollow, hers looks… sad. "Rough day?" As she turns to sit at the table, I notice a large patch medi-taped over the side of her neck, where it meets her shoulder. I feel a little better about not canceling now, even if she'll never explain it.

"A little." I sit across from her, a noticeably smaller amount of food in my own bowl. Not feeling so hungry right now. "One long train of the same thing I've been hearing for three days, you know? It's not me people should be worried about…"

"Yeah…" She's waiting for me start before digging into her own food, I guess. It's kind of cute, the way she glances from me to the bowl, like it might run away. Not so much when I'm not sure if she's eaten or not today, and with that in mind, I at least start to pick at the bowl in front of me.

"About the other day…" She freezes, several pods of snow peas halfway in her mouth. We lock eyes for a few seconds, and I look away, my face feeling hot in a reversal of the way this usually goes. She closes her mouth around the pods and uses the time it takes to chew them to think.

"Don't make a big deal of it." Is all she says before picking more food out of the bowl without looking back up at me.

I smirk at this. "I thought it was really sweet."

"Nope. Not even a little."

"Would you… maybe want to go out on a 'real' date sometime?" Wait. Wait, fuck, that wasn't supposed to leave my head. That was just a joke. ¿̖͔̞́̽̄o̧ͬ̔̊ͭ̚҉͕̺h͙̅ͬͯ̑̓ͤͣ̚͘ ̫̜͖̯͈͉̫͕͒̆ͦ͊͊͆́̚͞g̢̮͚͓͙̓̈ͫͅŏ̖̳͕͙͇ͩ̇̎̓̑̓͠͡ͅd͖̭ͤ͌͑̌̓͘͢͞ͅ ̝͓̫̼̭̖̒͊ͯ͘͢d̮̙͚ͯ̇ͫͫ͊̀̀i̹̠̇̈̄̕͠d̴̹͉͙̻̖̻ͩ͠ͅ ̶̢̩̣̗̹̾̑i̵̜̩͖̦̾̃͒̇̓̚̚͢͞ ̖̝͕͚̮́̕͢͢j̰̫̖̞͚͒̒͒͞͡ụ̖̱͙̘̗̌ͭ́̆š̢̙̩̯̬͉̰̳̳̄̉̅ͭ͠ͅt̴̵̡̝̫̯̯̜͇̳͇͓̑̑͋̀ͭ̓ͮͧ̚ ̧̙̮̭̎ͮ͟͢s͕̘͖͚̣̳͒ͩ͛ͦͪ͢ȃ̖͍̰̪̄͋́͂ͤͥ̈̕y̦͙̮̟̲̫̠̖̳ͩ͒ ̌ͪ͏̴̢̘̮̞̳ͅt̙͎̮̝͖̎̓ͧ͐̔͌ͯ̀h̨̑̈́ͪͫ͑͡͏̪̱̙̝̤͕ḁ͎ͮͨ͢t̵̟̳̝̗͈̤͎̔̀ͅ?̶̰̹͇͎͓͓͗͗ͩ͆͑̽̕

Natsuki's chopsticks hit the bowl, then the table, with a series of tiny metallic clatters. She stares down at the bowl that's mostly rice now with a horrified look not completely dissimilar to when I burst into the club with Sayori's note earlier this week. If my own somersaulting stomach is any indication, she might be feeling a little sick. "Y-you… you shouldn't joke about stuff like that, MC-kun."

I stab my own chopsticks into my bowl of rice to avoid dropping them like she had, wondering if I have a similar expression. "I'm not- I-I wouldn't." I try to catch her gaze, but she's having none of it. "Joke about that, I mean. I meant it."

I'm not sure how much time passes before I get up from the table. I drop my chopsticks in the sink and find a lid for the bowl I used, as well as a second one for Natsuki if she wants it. Trying to act casual, I toss it onto the table in front of her as I pass, resuming my place across from her. Her expression has softened a little, but the caged-animal-fear-reflex look of it isn't doing much to ease my own anxiety.

I start to worry that I may have broken her when the pink-haired wonder finally looks up. She still looks terrified, like she could either bolt or burst into tears at any second, but she nods at me, just once. "I-I…" I've tripped her up before, but never this bad. Had I just taken her off-guard with a compliment, or a particularly bad joke, it would have been funny for her to have been hushed for so long.

I look away, and when I look back, her eyes are still fixed on me. Okay, back to worrying.

"I'm scared. I'm scared, okay!?" She hits the table with the palms of her hands, and the noise makes both of us jump. "I don't know how to take that. You're the only person that doesn't treat me like a kid because I'm smaller than everyone else. I just didn't… I d-don't…

"Yes." It's so quiet, it's almost a squeak. I'm not completely sure I heard it, or that I heard it right, but I'm too scared that she'll say something else if I ask her to repeat herself. It's so quiet I can hear her breathing, and it stays like that for an uncomfortable eternity.

I move first, goaded into it by some unseen force. Unfortunately, my first move is far from graceful- I stand up so quickly that bang one knee, then the other into the table, the second time so hard that the side closest to me lifts up a little. Natsuki jumps a little each time, and then stands up as well. This causes me to freeze, because I already didn't know what I was doing, and now I don't know what she's doing, either.

It turns out to be a hug, maybe the most meaningful I've ever experienced. Despite the butterflies in my stomach, despite the awfulness of the last few days, I feel… centered, something close to it. I wouldn't say happy, but… okay, and I'm so desperate to escape the terrible thoughts that have been dogging me the past three days that okay is better than good, it's perfect. I could stand here until my legs gave out, probably.

"Can we pretend this isn't happening for a little longer?" It's a strange question, half-spoken into my chest. "I-it's a big change."

"Of course." The words are barely past my lips when Natsuki moves her arms from my ribs to around my neck and pulls me down a little, closer to her level. We stay like this for so long that my neck starts to hurt a little, and I gently wiggle free from her arms.

The rest of the night is a blur. We finish the horror manga from the other day -Natsuki does not appreciate me tricking her with it- as well as the first volumes of several other series, all of which are admitted somewhat embarrassing action-y shonen stories (although I don't let her trash-talk Yu Yu Hakusho without a fight). They're the only things I have left that we haven't read together, meaning next time we'll either be reading something she has stored in the Literature Club classroom, or we'll be going to the library. My parents come home, without much fuss. Dad maybe had a little too much to drink- not fall over drunk, but he flashes me a goofy grin and a thumbs up when he thinks Mom isn't looking, I'm guessing because of Natsuki being here. Mom just shakes her head as she helps him to the living room couch.

I offer to sleep on the floor. We argue about it, but eventually Natsuki concedes -"ugh, if it'll shut you up, I guess I will…"- and I turn out the lights.

Like the last few nights, sleep is hard to find. It comes in little clusters and bursts, a few minutes here, an hour or two there. I try to tell myself it's because I'm on the floor and any time I'm in the same position without moving for too long, my muscles tense and ache, but that's I know it's a lie. I had honestly hoped I might sleep a little better with Natsuki here, but I guess not.

Between dozes, my mind wanders, and I don't try to stop it. It's been a week since I last saw Sayori. She couldn't have left over the past weekend, we would have heard much earlier if that had been the case. Was it Monday, after school? Sometime during the day Tuesday? I guess it doesn't really matter; she's gone, and I should be focused on finding her.

I look up at Natsuki, what little of her I can make out in the dark, anyways. It occurs to me that I've never seen her without the ribbons in her hair, and she's a little cuter with her hair down. Maybe just because it's something different.

This is a weird place to be in. We're starting a relationship, after what feels like months of teasing and leading up, and it might be the worst possible time to.

Tomorrow will be better.

Tomorrow has to be better.