A MAN’S ludicrously expensive wristwatch has gained him the respect of other total bellends, he has revealed.

Sales manager Martin Bishop’s £1,400 Diplomat Edition Weisser Aqua-Tech 9 has made him more popular with tedious, materialistic men who also enjoy golf.

Bishop said: “It’s beautifully crafted in chunky, masculine steel with little dials that are hard to see without a magnifying glass but which do important things like telling you the month.

“A guy in the office saw it and straightaway he was telling me about his new BMW and how much his house is worth. I expect it’ll be my turn to talk about myself next time we get chatting.

“Just last week the managing director of Oswestry Guttering Supplies Ltd said ‘nice watch’ and talked to me for ages about immigration.

“It’s like joining a club where everyone respects you and you can say whatever you like, so long as it’s not about books.”