If I had to point to one thing that I think helps the most in feeling content and happy, the thing that is the keystone to Stoicism and other philosophies, and requires absolutely nothing external, it is paying attention to thoughts.

Our thoughts are where everything happens. All the crap that goes on up there has a monopoly over our well-being, and if left to their own devices, our thoughts can and will block us from an awesome sense of clarity and calmness.

So what is it about thoughts that makes them so bad? It’s not that they’re intrinsically bad, but that so much of the time our minds are occupied with thinking about things we can’t control, judging things, comparing things, and wanting things. These types of thoughts, if left unchecked, can seriously occupy a lot of time and head space, and the feelings that are produced as a result usually suck (anxiety, stress, regret, anger, and the like).

These thoughts, the things taking place internally that together create the filter through which we experience the world, are worth more examination than we usually give them. The Stoics recognized this (as did the Buddhists and many others – this is nothing new at all), and realized that something had to be done. In fact, approaching our thoughts with rational awareness, reflecting on them and then deciding what to do is more or less the entire point and process of Stoicism.

The way I like to think of this process is to imagine my thoughts running along a stream in my mind. If I’m not paying attention, I’m in the stream and those thoughts are absorbed and manifest themselves as feelings.

“I’m tired. I need coffee. No, then I won’t sleep well. I should take the dog out. I wish she could take herself out. It’s too cold. Maybe I can do it later. I wish I made more money. Then I could quit my job. I could live somewhere better. Somewhere warm would be nice. I don’t like living here. If I just had a house with a backyard, I could let the dog out easier. I could have a vegetable garden. That’d be cool. And a grill. I miss grilling out. What are we going to eat for dinner tonight? I don’t think we have anything. I don’t want to go to the store. Do we have pasta? I guess I could go to the store. I wish I had more time to read…”

This is the kind of stuff that washes over me in a swift, continuous torrent that completely engulfs my self-awareness. Most of it is utter garbage. Almost all of it is useless. What I try to do, then, is take one step back and push myself above the stream so that I can watch it. This is the first and most important thing to do, and it’s the one thing I would recommend trying above anything else. Forget all the philosophical labels and quotes and all that and just pause, push yourself out of your stream and watch the thoughts that fly past. Don’t even do anything else at this point. Don’t judge yourself for your thoughts, don’t categorize them or follow them anywhere. Just sit (or stand or go for a run or whatever) for like 10 minutes and pay attention to your thoughts from a position outside of the stream.

This really simple, really essential process is easier said than done. It’s incredibly easy to slip back into the stream and live there all the time, which is why people came up with philosophies like Stoicism in order to have a framework to do something about this. After you realize the importance of stepping out of the stream, having a system of principles or a process of reflection helps maintain this process and gives it some guidance in terms of what we should do about it.

“Many seek retreats for themselves. Places in the country, by the sea, in the mountains. We want these. But this is a common mistake. You can retreat into yourself anytime. There is nowhere quieter. Nowhere are you more free. Tranquility is nothing more than the good ordering of the mind. Go on this retreat constantly and renew yourself. Develop a set of brief and basic principles so that, when you return to them, they will cleanse your thoughts. Then, return to doing what you must do.” – Marcus Aurelius

This is where I’ve found Stoicism to be helpful (that is what this blog is all about, after all). I like the Stoic philosophy because it’s simple, pragmatic and unhindered with subjective stuff like faith or authoritative dogma. The authority in Stoicism is yours and the basic principles are so simple and widely applicable that it feels weird to even label them as “Stoic”. The idea, then, is to watch your thoughts, see what comes up, and then perform a kind of triage.

If you’re thinking a lot of this sounds like Buddhist meditation, this is where Stoicism goes in a slightly different direction. Buddhism might have you sitting, meditating intentionally for long periods of time, watching the thoughts and letting them all go, renouncing all desire and attaining nirvana (and also attaining karma in order to get a better place in the line of rebirth). Good luck! I think taking a more practical and rational approach here is the way to go. The way I’ve interpreted the process is to notice the thoughts, and then ask some questions to figure out what to do.

One thing to mention here, which is a really common misconception about Stoicism, is that the point is not to avoid or repress your thoughts and feelings. Being Stoic does not mean you have to turn into a sociopath. Thinking and feeling things, good or bad or whatever, still happens. Taking that crucial step out of the stream in order to rationalize what to do about these thoughts and feelings and actions is what it’s all about. It’s reflection, not repression.

“There is this difference between ourselves and the other school: our ideal wise man feels his troubles, but overcomes them; their wise man does not even feel them.” -Seneca (not talking about Buddhism, but it still applies)

So, here are the questions I try to ask myself as I notice which thoughts are occupying my mind at any given point:

Question 1: Is this something I can control?

If you’re thinking that you wish it was warmer outside and that you’re sick of the winter, this is something not in your control. There’s nothing you can do about the weather. If you’re thinking that your managers at work are a bunch of idiots and that they don’t know what they’re doing and you deserve better, these are also things outside of your control. Anything that relates to the behaviors, thoughts or judgements of others is out of your control. Notice these types of thoughts and then let them go. Dwelling on them is pointless.

If you’re thinking that you’re hungry and hope you have something in the refrigerator to eat, this is something you can deal with. Stop thinking about it and go get some food. If you’re not at home yet, drop the thought and then when you get home, get some food. This is in your control. If you’re wishing that you had a football-sized burrito from Chipotle because you’re that hungry, either go get one or resign to the fact that you don’t have one and deal with what you do have.

These examples are really simple, but this line of questioning works for everything. If you can control something that’s worth doing, take the steps you can take to do something about it. If you can’t, try to let go of the thoughts and move on. Either way, don’t dwell on things if you can help it. Either act, make a plan to act, or do nothing and move on.

This question can also help you stay more present. You can absolutely not control the past or the future because they don’t exist. If you’re dwelling on things in these areas (regrets, mistakes, fears, desires, etc.), try to release your grasp on them. You’re still going to have these thoughts unless you’re some sort of sage, but you don’t have to hold on to them.

“Of all existing things some are in our power, and others are not in our power. In our power are thought, impulse, will to get and will to avoid, and, in a word, everything which is our own doing. Things not in our power include the body, property, reputation, office, and, in a word, everything which is not our own doing.” – Epictetus

Question 2: Is this some kind of comparison?

A quote that I love, which is sometimes attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, says that, “comparison is the thief of joy.” Since I’ve started paying more attention to my own thoughts, I’ve noticed that so much of what is streaming by is some sort of comparison, rooted in desire. It may be that I perceive what I have as not as good as what I want, that what someone else has is better, or that something is happening differently to how it happened before or how I expected it to. None of these thoughts change current circumstances and they really only serve to steal the joy that’s available to us in the present moment. It’s really hard to enjoy what’s happening if you’re stuck imagining how it could be better or different. This connects to the first question as well – if you can’t control what you’re experiencing, don’t drown yourself in a million little comparisons.

“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.” – Seneca

Question 3: How does this thought reflect my character and intentions?

The point of asking this is to keep thoughts and actions in line with your ethical philosophy. This is not super easy, but it’s worth it. In Stoic terms, this means making sure what you’re thinking and doing is moderate, is good for the common well-being of others, and makes rational sense in that it passes through the two questions above and is indifferent to external (out of our control) factors.

“You need to avoid certain things in your train of thought: Everything random, everything irrelevant. And certainly, everything self-important or malicious. You need to get used to winnowing your thoughts, so that if someone says, ‘What are you thinking about?’ you can respond at once (and truthfully) that you are thinking this or thinking that.” – Marcus Aurelius

So step one is to just take a step back out of the stream of your thoughts. This is the most important thing. Step two is to run your thoughts through a triage using some sort of basic principles like the ones I use with the above questions. Here you can decide if you should act on anything and, if so, how. Step three, then (because there always needs to be three steps), is probably to establish this reflection of your thoughts as a regular routine.

In a lot of the original Stoic writing and among most people who write about Stoicism these days, it seems that the common practice is to spend some time each evening watching your thoughts and also reflecting on what you did and said that day. Some people keep a journal about this, some people just lay in bed and do this, I like to do this kind of intentional mindfulness on my hour-long bus ride home from work. Doing this builds self-awareness and really helps to maintain the feeling of well-being that comes from disconnecting from thoughts. Even just a little bit of this sort of mindfulness on a regular basis has been scientifically shown to improve a person’s well-being, reduce anxiety and stress and all kinds of other good things.

Like I said at the beginning, I highly recommend just taking a little (or a lot of) time each day to pay attention to what’s streaming through your mind. It will seriously make you feel better more often. Don’t worry about what you’re thinking, just watch it, rationalize it into action if you need to, and let the rest go.

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FYI – a lot of these excellent quotes come from these books, which I highly recommend if you’re into this kind of thing. Here are the Amazon affiliate links:

Meditations: A New Translation (A more casual and modern translation than the one below – much easier to read)

Stoic Six Pack – Meditations of Marcus Aurelius and More: The Complete Stoic Collection (Marcus, Seneca and Epictetus. This is probably all you need!)

Letters from a Stoic (Penguin Classics) (Letters from Seneca to Lucilius)

Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness (A Collection of writing from Epictetus)

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