MARK BURROWS: "And everybody is now just trailing this vehicle, it's starting to pick up speed, the police are all round it. There she goes, that's Schapelle Corby, she's leaving Kuta for the last time." — Channel Nine, Today, 28 May, 2017

Hello, I'm Paul Barry, welcome to Media Watch, and has there ever been a circus like it?

The return to Australia of the nation's most famous convicted drug smuggler involved scores of journalists, hours of TV coverage and probably millions of dollars.

REPORTER: "I just saw Mercedes ... They've just pushed all the media back quite violently. In there is Schapelle Corby. Yeah, I've just seen her, she's put a bag up next to her face again." — Channel Nine, Today, 28 May, 2017

And the build-up beforehand was just as crazy.

With Brisbane's Courier-Mail on Friday running no less than 16 pages on her life and times, complete with a front-page demand she now 'confess', contrasted with sympathy inside the paper for her:

Endless nightmare — The Courier-Mail, 26 May, 2017

And of course some gratuitous shots of her in a swimsuit.

Not to be outdone, her hometown paper had gone one better, with Friday's Gold Coast Bulletin devoting 19 pages of 'homecoming' stories to their favourite daughter:

The Cast of Corby - where are they now? — Gold Coast Bulletin, 26 May, 2017

And even the ABC caught Corby fever with at least 8 more stories where this one came from:

How Schapelle Corby the cover girl was born — ABC Online, 26 May, 2017

The commercial TV networks meanwhile promised to be there with bells on:

VOICEOVER: "Tomorrow, Schapelle Corby comes home to Queensland. And only Nine News has exclusive access." MARK BURROWS: "From Bali to Brisbane, Nine News will be with Schapelle every step of the way." VOICEOVER: "The flight home, the family reunion. And her new life back in Queensland. Special coverage from 5.30am through to 6 o'clock. Don't miss Nine News, tomorrow. — Channel Nine, News Promo, 27 May, 2017

Yes, 12 and a half hours of breathless coverage. But exclusive access? - my eye.

Like the rest of the baying pack in Bali, Nine and 7 mapped their attack plans.

And pursued the armoured convoy from her home to the parole office and onto the airport:

ASHLEA BROWN: "This is going to be a very long trip for her tonight, here. And we understand her anxiety levels are incredibly high." — Channel Seven News, 27 May, 2017

Gee, I wonder why. But she needn't have worried.

As camera operators trampled each other to get the shot.

Schapelle's sister Mercedes had it all under control, posting video from the getaway car to Schapelle's new Instagram account, which now has more than 150,000 followers:

MERCEDES CORBY: "They're not letting the media in here, that's great. Oh fantastic, thank you police, fantastic job everybody." — Instagram, @schapelle.corby, 27 May, 2017

At the airport, reporters waited for Schapelle to board a Virgin Australia flight and booked dozens of tickets to stay tight.

But the Corby's hopped a little-known regional carrier back to Brisbane, and gave them the slip.

Come Sunday, back in Australia, the media was up before dawn to watch the circus touch down.

DEBORAH KNIGHT: "Good morning to you, welcome to our special coverage, these are pictures of Schapelle Corby's plane arriving back home in Australia, into Brisbane for the first time in 13 years." — Channel Nine, Today, 28 May, 2017

Then, as a fleet of black vans spread out from the airport towards the city, news crews scrambled desperately to stay in touch:

DEBORAH KNIGHT: "We're not clear yet on where Schapelle herself is but we are across all of the details." — Channel Nine, Today, 28 May, 2017

Across all the details? As we stayed fixed on a hotel driveway, even Andrew O'Keefe could see what was coming:

ANDREW O'KEEFE: "For the benefit of Paul Barry at Media Watch, we had nothing to do with this. Of course, we're still culpable for some of the commentary over the last hour." — Channel Seven, Sunrise, 28 May, 2017

Indeed, they were.

Next target was the home of Schapelle's mum:

MARLENA WAPP: "We have seen a light come on on the top of the house on the higher level. If we can take a look at that now, we've seen a light come on in the last 10 minutes or so ..." — Channel Seven, Sunrise, 28 May, 2017

With the lights on, a special delivery provided a rare moment of excitement.

KRISTINA COSTALOS: "In their hands they had some cakes. They knocked on the door, no one answered. They were about to leave when we told them who lived there. The man, he, well, he had a chuckle and then he took a photo and left the cakes on the staircase where they remain. So no one has come to pick them up and the media remain on the footpath, where they'll stay until they speak to Schapelle Corby." — Channel Ten News, 28 May, 2017

Yes, that's the golden ticket, the first interview.

So, will the commercial networks reach for their chequebooks?

And can they pay her without falling foul of Australia's Proceeds of Crime Laws, as Channel 7 nearly did in 2014?

DAMIEN SMITH: Around 20 agents many of them armed, arrived at Seven's Jones Bay HQ just before nine this morning. They rifled through documents, hard drives, anything that might reveal dealings with Schapelle Corby. — Channel Seven, News, 18 February, 2014

The AFP ultimately apologised for that raid and did not bring charges.

And as we soon discovered, it's actually not a crime for the media to pay for her story.

Just for Schapelle to receive the benefit.

So, it can be done and some are already speculating on how it might happen:

One television executive last night, speaking on condition of anonymity, said: "You buy the production and vision of how she got out of Bali. A figure of $250,000 has been touted. And you get the interview with Schapelle as well.'' — The Australian, 29 May, 2017

So, prepare for the Schapelle Freedom Special, shot by her security company.

Perhaps with a network interview tagged on.

But meanwhile, who gives a toss?

Celebrity agent Max Markson reckons everyone does, telling The Sydney Morning Herald:

"There will be all the milestones," Markson says. "Her first Christmas home, her first birthday, her first holiday: people will be interested." — Sydney Morning Herald, 28 May, 2017

But for once we agree 100% with Karl Stefanovic who told Today viewers this morning:

KARL STEFANOVIC: Whatever, I do not care. There are far more important things in life than pursuing and losing Schapelle Corby. We in the media have a responsibility to inform, but I reckon we were all made to look like idiots yesterday and to what end, where Schapelle is, what does she look like, come on, we know, and you know what, it ain't that interesting. — Channel Nine, Today, 29 May, 2017

Indeed, why worry about the death of journalism if all the media are going to do is chase stupid stories like that?