It’s the burden of caring, even when you are catcalled - (did other people hear? Was it something I’m wearing? Do I look weird? Are the people walking on the other side of the street annoyed at me, was that embarrassing for them?) - while the catcaller doesn’t give the catcall a second thought.

And if a woman wants to change the imbalance of emotional labour, she is the one who has to remember to talk to her partner, to explain why a comment was sexist, to remind her colleagues that a birthday is coming up - performing the majority of emotional labour as she moves through these interactions.

POLICING YOURSELF & NOT BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY...

Women are expected to justify themselves constantly. From justifying your decision not to drink much in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, to justifying your decision to not have children, to justifying an issue you have with a family member or significant other so as not to be read as ‘overemotional’. Constantly explaining yourself is not only taxing, but your explanation can be challenging, as it asks whoever demanded a reason to engage themselves in the emotional economy. This tends to be uncomfortable for whoever asked the question (think a man who asks you why you aren’t drinking at a party and then getting personally offended at the response), and your concern is then ironically written off as a personal overreaction rather than a valid comment or complaint on any form of unequal system. And then you’ll likely have to perform more emotional labour reassuring whoever has felt ‘personally attacked’ by your justification...