Ocasio-Cortez Proposes Counting White People's Ballots As Three-Fifths Of A Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez came out hard against the Electoral College, slamming the institution as a racist scam that makes white people's votes count for "like, a lot more" than other people's votes.

But she then thought of a good solution: "What if we count all white people as three-fifths of a person instead of a full person? Then, good votes would count more than bad, racist votes. Like, four or five times more or something, because 3/5ths is only like 10% of a real vote."

She then paused as she counted on her fingers and double-checked her math on her toes. "Yeah, it adds up. Case closed. This makes the program contain 247% fewer racisms."

It was pointed out to her that this was racist, but she said that when you fight racism with other racism, it makes less racism. "1 bad racism plus 1 good racism equals zero racisms," she said confidently.

At publishing time, Ocasio-Cortez had slammed the Electoral College as sexist after learning it doesn't even have a gender studies program.

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