Formatting Your Heart Drive

Are you sure you want to send folder titled “My Previous Relationship” to the Recycle Bin?

Excuse me, Terrence. As you can see, it is I, Gregory from three cubes down directly south of yours. I have been chosen by the rest of our Information Technologies department to address certain behaviors you’ve been engaging in that have been found disruptive to your co-workers, specifically ME. These behaviors include loud crying fits, prolonged mournful moaning, disinterest in assigned projects, and a disheveled appearance unbecoming of an IT professional. Is this an accurate overview? I will take your silent tears as an affirmative response.

You may be surprised to know this, Terrence, but I am no stranger to matters of the heart. I have saved many a princess in my day in countless gaming environments and have even known the gentle touch of a woman without the exchange of money on more than three occasions. My advice to you is this: think of your heart as if it were a Hitachi Deskstar™ 5K4000 hard drive and each memory of her as a digital file of some kind. Gather up every email, every MP3 that reminds you of her, every digital photo of the good times, even the naughty little videos you made together HEE HEE snort HEE HEE snort. Excuse me, Terrence, I forgot myself there.

Now then, I trust I shall not have to return to your cubicle for further assistance, yes? Excellent. Do yourself a favor, co-worker. Right click your heart, create new folder, title it “Dungeons & Dragons” and save those pesky emotions for the role-playing where they belong. As you can see, it has done wonders for me.

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