ANNOUNCER: A message to those conspiracy theorists saying Alexander Downer is a leftist deep-state operative.

MARK HUMPHRIES: G'day there. You may be aware there have been outrageous claims recently that Alexander Downer, former leader of Australia's conservative party, and the love child of Margaret Thatcher and Adelaide, is actually a left wing spy and operative of the "Deep State".

TWEET FROM GEORGE PAPADOPOULOS: I have been right about Downer from the beginning. A wannabe spy and Clinton errand boy.

MARK HUMPHRIES: What can I say about these frankly bizarre allegations?

You got us!

Yes, we here at the Deep State have been trying to bring down the Trump administration using the most highly skilled intelligence operative we could find - this guy.

ALEXANDER DOWNER: Just couldn't hear the bloody thing properly.

No, it's broken! The f****** thing is broken. Oh, it is now.

MARK HUMPHRIES: He was one of the Deep State's finest assets, seamlessly fitting into any situation without drawing attention to himself.

ALEXANDER DOWNER (Singing): Never mind, we'll hope and we'll do it bilaterally. That's the Australian way.

MARK HUMPHRIES: God damn it, that's 40 years of deep cover down the toilet. How do you replace talent like that?

ALEXANDER DOWNER (Singing): The Philippines, Cambodia, come on pretty mamma.

MARK HUMPHRIES: Oh, what a waste. It reminds me of the time we tried to infiltrate left-wing politics by using a secret conservative but well, sadly, we lost control of that asset.

MARK LATHAM: So let's get right into it; f***, c***, poo, bum.

MARK HUMPHRIES: We thought we did a much better job with Downer.

How could anyone pick this guy as a secret leftie agent? Just look at him.

He wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he was born with a silver feeding tube.

He's not trying to seize the means of production, he's trying to seize the f****** d'oeuvre.

At any given moment, he's just one top hat away from being the Monopoly Man.

He's the spy who came in from the croquet club.

But the alt right is right. Alexander Downer is as leftie as they come.

He's basically Che Guevara with a perm.

And now that this secret is out, it is only a matter of time before people put two and two together and realise that Kevin Andrews is actually Banksy.

We thought we'd completely hidden Downer's true leftist agenda by embedding him as a conservative politician, born to a conservative politician, born to a conservative politician and it almost worked.

But you guys were smart enough to work out that the plot to bring down Donald Trump dates back to South Australia in the 19th century.

So from all of us here at the Deep State, farewell Alex, you were the real deep throat.

ALEXANDER DOWNER (Singing): There's a group called ASEAN, that's where we have a yarn, but not about Taiwan.