Dating often serves as the catalyst for a boy and girl to get to know each other better and determine whether it’s time to take the relationship forward. In the tech-savvy era, a lot of dating apps such as Tinder, OkCupid, Aisle and Woo have been playing cupid for many.

But in Kerala, are sending an invite over an app, planning meet ups and going for dates really possible? Especially when a large part of the society is still seemingly conservative in its ways. Also, is it any different dating a Malayali boy or a girl through an app as compared to those from across the country? We ask a few, who first indulge in virtual dating before switching over to the real world.

When we contacted the dating app Aisle’s team to get the number of active Malayali users, they divulged, “Around 7.2% of the males and 3.9% of the females of our users are Malayalis. The number has been growing at 31% every year.”

As the number of users has been on the rise, we ask a few about the online dating experience. Those like Manju Varghese*, a communication expert from Kochi, feel that dating apps are not everyone’s cup of tea. “Dating via apps is always a gamble as you never know if the person is really who he says he is on virtual media. Despite the dating profiles being linked to the users’ Facebook accounts to enable a background check, the recurrent question is to what extent can a profile on a social networking site be trusted as many only project their sunny side,” she says.

Manju further adds that when it comes to Malayali women, especially those who are divorced or single and are in their 30s, the conversations of Malayali men are laden with sexual connotations.

“All their statements and questions are ambiguous and hint at either a one-night stand or a physical relationship. Many are there just for a fling. Getting to know each other very well and taking things slow hardly happens online,” she says. “Our ‘Malayali mentality’ has to be set aside, if online dating has to lead to healthy relationships.”

Many users agree that a majority of Malayalis are yet to get a hang of the dating concept — online and offline — and still believe that dating means either hook-up or marriage. The team of Aisle tells us, “We have created the platform specifically to enable meaningful relationships, and Malayalis, who are looking for casual hook-ups, might be disappointed.”

Those looking for serious relationships though can take heart that two of its managing partners Able Joseph and Bivin Benny, both of whom are Malayalis, have found their soulmates through the app.

Then there are those like Justin*, a Kochi-based young media professional who uses Tinder. He says that his experience dating Malayali girls online has not been compelling. “Compared to girls from other parts of the country, the chances of girls from Kerala, who are actively using the app are slim. Even if you do start chatting to one or two, a major let-down is that most of them are too scared to go out and confine their communication to the virtual medium,” he says.

He recalls how after investing his time on online relationships, he realised that there are no common grounds between them and also that many of the users “seem superficial”. “I have only had good rapport with two girls I met via the app so far, and I felt the relationships might lead to the next level. However, despite our bond, we couldn’t make it work. Our careers keep us busy and many don’t feel the need to pursue a relationship along with it. All that the guys and girls do is keep swiping to the next profile,” he says.

Echoing similar opinion is his colleague, Vikram, who says that Malayali girls are much more reserved in nature. “Where could one take out the girl they are interested in, is a question that leaves many baffled,” he says. “Unlike in other places, where there are pubs and cafes tailor-made for dating, it is difficult to zero in on a few appropriate places in the city; the only exception being Fort Kochi.”

He adds that his virtual encounters with Malayali girls “have been awkward”, as the moment he asks them out, they seem to get scared and that turns him off.

Women users though have a different story to tell. Mansi Gaur from Delhi narrates her experience dating Malayali men via such apps. “I once chatted with someone who had no clue why he was there. This is a common trait in such platforms. However, there are a few South Indians I met, who were very friendly, and from what I observed, they were merely there to vent out stress and for that they would talk to any random person.”

No strings attached is another perk of using dating apps, says Monica* from Bengaluru. Usually there is no fuss when someone decides to call it off as the users are often clear about what they want from the onset. However, when it comes to Malayali men, the case is different, she says. “Many just don’t get it that you are no longer interested, and they keep on nagging for an explanation why we don’t chat anymore,” Monica explains.

(* Some names have been changed)



In Video: Decoding dating via apps in Kerala