The trollathon that broke out on my post yesterday (Anti-gay Christians convening today. What are they hiding?) once defenders of the Evangelical Covenant Order of Presbyterians (ECO) discovered it led me to disable comments to the post. As fun as playing Whack-a-Troll is, it does grow tedious after awhile.

Hey. It just now occurs to me to wonder why the Evangelical Covenant Order of Presbyterians decided against keeping the “P” in their Official Acronym. Seems to me they are ECOPs, patrolling (emphasis on trolling, but still) the Internet for any signs of … people not thinking being gay is a sin, apparently.

Then again, perhaps I’m mistaken about what ECO stands for. Maybe it’s Energetically Combatting Outsiders. Could be Extraordinarily Callous and Obnoxious. Extremely Childish Obfuscating. Exhibiting Creepy Officiousness. Environmentally Catastrophic Offal. Endless Compulsive Onanism.

It’s hard to be sure. I’ll have to go back and look.

I also of course got in the sorts of emails one expects when posting such a post. One email that particularly caught my attention was:

John, I am quite offended by your article attempting to discern the motivations of those who are putting on the Fellowship gathering in Dallas. I am not in attendance nor do I know the persons who planned this gathering. But as a Presbyterian pastor who helps lesbians and gays leave homosexual expression I see you are not that informed about sexual fluidity and the possibility that those who have same sex affections can change.

So I thought, “Who writes stuff like that?” So I Googled the guy’s name—and had my answer: People who run “ex-gay” ministries.

Well duh.

I knew I recognized the guy’s name! I emailed him back:

Good lord, [name deleted cuz I’m about sure I’m going to advertise him]. Are you still trying to sell your “ex-gay” nonsense? Oh, well. Whatever. Good luck with that.

Three hours later he responded:

John, you sound like my “good friend” Wayne Besen. [Hey! Wayne, of Truth Wins Out, is my fellow co-founder of The NALT Christians Project! Way to engage your own Spidey instincts, pastor!] I don’t believe in being “ex-gay.” You see, people were never gay in the first place. So, how can one be ex-gay? Yes, ex-gay is nonsense.

Yes! Finally, a solution to the apparently interminable conflict between fundie Christians and gay people!

Gay people don’t exist!

Man. Who knew that was the case?!

Right at this exact second I have to turn off my computer, because the moment I typed that final exclamation point a crack of lightening and thunder so deafeningly sharp it set off car alarms throughout my neighborhood just exploded right over my house. And I’m not even kidding.

I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, though!

I’m the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question:

Paperback. Kindle. NookBook. Signed and inscribed by me according to your direction.