"Welcome to Mod My Body, the show where we take someone's tired, run-down physical form and make it into something sensational, spectacular and trans-human, all for less than 10,000 North American Dollars.

"This week our subject is Branson Quaternary. Branson just finished his Applied Philosophy degree, and all he has are the few starter mods he could fit into his student-sized budget: a three-sense data port, a standard AetherFi AggreNet interface and an abdominal blood scrubber. A little something for those late nights at the bar, huh Branson?"

"Well, you know, it's cheaper than paying for cabs."

"Now that Branson's out in the real world, working as a designer for a top philosophical-virtual reality firm, he's starting to feel like he needs a little something extra to keep up with his peers. Right, Branson?"

"Well, you know, I'm working with guys who have wolf spider optics and retractable limbs, and here I am with my three-senser. They never say anything, but I know they're transmitting things about me."

"We're not going to be able to match that, but we should be able to give Branson some nice mods that will help him out at work and at play. We're going to put you under now, Branson."

"Well, you know, I really appreciate ... uh, sleepy...."

"Working with a budget means that we're going to have to find parts with many uses from early morning meetings to late-night parties. We'll start with the blood scrubber. Most people think of these are party implants, but Brandon bought a modular scrubber, which means we can add a blood infuser at a discount. So while he's clearing the alcohol and sensutropics out of his system, he can throw a little stimulant into the mix and be ready to get down to work as the sun rises. The price is a mere 800 NADs.

"Next, we'll take a look at his three-sense data port. I'm sure Branson would love to upgrade it to a five-senser or even a six-senser, but that's way out of our budget. Luckily, with his skills in applied philosophy, Branson is able to create new virtual worlds just by arguing for their existence. We'll give him a philosopical-virtual projector, so he can create new experiences for himself and those around him. It's handy for business presentations, and also very popular with the ladies.

"We can't afford a temple implant model, so we'll have to go with a head-mount. Branson doesn't want to look like he has a stud finder glued to his head, though, so we're going to do a little modding of our own. We'll run a data line into his nerve column through the sternum, and mount the projector on his chest. A little gold paint and this miniature bronze eagle we got at a thrift store, and now Brandon has a stylish amulet he can show off on the dance floor and cover up at work, all for only 2,000 NADs.

"Finally, we want to give Branson a conversation piece, something that makes you say 'Wow! That guy's got mods!' We're going to blow the rest of the budget on a cybernetic arm. But not just any arm, but an Austin-Goldman Gunshow 3000x. Not only can it lift three tons, it's AI-enhanced with built-in kinetic routines from pounding nails to putting on puppet shows.

"We got it at a discount because in rare cases the AI supersedes the user's intelligence and becomes a separate, invariably evil entity. The chances are low, though, and the chances of it happening immediately, resulting in Branson snapping my neck like an autumn twig, are even lower. Well, let's wake him up and see how he likes his new body! What do you think, Branson?"

"Well, you know, this is great! I love the eagle! And this arm, it's ... it... oh, my God, I can't control it! It wants ... it needs ... to put on a puppet show!"

"Oh, well, that's a relief."

"An evil puppet show!"

"All puppet shows are evil."

"Oh, right."

"That's all the time we have. Join us next time on Mod My Body, when we work with a furry who underwent a partial tiger-morph, only to realize he's actually a llama!"

- - -

Born helpless, nude and unable to provide for himself, Lore Sjoberg eventually overcame these handicaps to have an actual "dessert stomach" implanted.

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