Sun archives More columns by J. Patrick Coolican

The scheme is so devious, so underhanded, that it nearly worked. I’m talking about the White House’s secret agreement with Donald Trump that he run for president as a Republican who calls into question Barack Obama’s birthplace. Trump is doing this in exchange for ... what? That I haven’t quite gotten to the bottom of, but I assure you I’m getting close. Very close.

It goes like this: Let’s say you’re a wild-eyed radical left winger who managed to get elected president with the help of ACORN even though you weren’t born in this country.

And let’s say there’s a financial crisis because the government forced the powerless banks to give loans to poor people, and that omnipotent illegal immigrants and teachers and social worker unions and other nefarious evildoers have blown up the economy.

Well, let’s face it, bub: You’re going to have a problem winning re-election to finally achieve your dream of redistributing the wealth, establishing Sharia law and handing over the reins of the military to the gays and the United Nations.

So, what do you do? Well, it’s simple. You go find a guy with all the network news anchors on speed dial, someone who defines glamour and sophistication, someone who hosts a successful game show called “Celebrity Apprentice,” someone who will burn up weeks and months of orgiastic media time. Trump!

Recall that in 2004, Dan Rather, by falling for a set of forged documents, made it impossible for anyone to question President George W. Bush’s military service. Similarly, Obama’s birthplace cover-up will survive because Trump is an unreliable narrator and a sideshow and will throw the media off the scent. Obama even went so far as to directly address the controversy Wednesday and release yet another “birth certificate.” It’s brilliant.

And I fear that Nevada Republicans are falling for the trap. Trump will appear this evening at Treasure Island, which has sexy pirates, at an event organized by Draft Trump 2012. (Best website heading: “Natural Born.”)

The event is billed as “From Ronald to Donald,” invoking Ronald Reagan, the Gipper. The White House, which is clearly the hidden hand behind Draft Trump, knows its audience because Republicans love them some Reagan and some 1980s. (If only Gordon Gekko weren’t a fictional character, he could have run.)

It’s certainly understandable that Nevada Republicans would be seduced by Trump. After all, look what he’s given our community: A $1.2 billion eponymy wrapped in gold. Sure, he never built the second tower that was supposed to go with it. And sure, it sits there alone a quarter mile from the Strip, with a couple of surface parking lots sprouting weeds. But in the gift shop, you can buy — and I did! — a milk chocolate bar wrapped in gold foil so that it resembles a real gold bar. It is inscribed with “Trump” and it costs $4. A $4 milk chocolate bar. That’s luxury right there. As Trump once said, “I did want to do something really dramatic in Las Vegas, and this building, in terms of its height and beauty and look, is rather amazing,” Yes, rather amazing.

Trump also graced our community with opportunity when he offered weekend seminars for a mere $1,499, during which his “hand-picked” teachers would explain how to get rich in real estate. This was December 2006, a great time to get rich in Las Vegas real estate!

So I get why Nevada Republicans might get taken in by Trump.

But I’ve done some digging around, and the Trump-Obama conspiracy has revealed itself.

Check out this exchange reported recently by Al Kamen of The Washington Post.

Trump says he complained to Obama confidante David Axelrod that when the White House has state dinners and important events, it’s always in some cheap rickety tent.

“I will build you, free of charge, one of the great ballrooms of the world,” Trump says he told Axelrod, one that will “cost maybe $100 million” and be “attached to the White House.” (Imagine the luxury of such a ballroom!) Axelrod said, “That’s great,” Trump recalled, but “I never heard from ’em.”

Axelrod has a slightly different story, according to the Post, recalling the offer of the free luxury ballroom, but adding that this came only after another offer behind Door No. 1. See, Trump called him and asked to be put in charge of the effort to plug the leaking oil well in the Gulf. “I know how to run big projects,” Trump told Axelrod. “Why don’t you put me in charge?”

Sure, why not a real estate speculator and TV game show host for that job. Seems reasonable.

Anyway, what we see here is a pattern of the White House and Trump flirting over ballrooms and oil spills. All we need is another dot.

Enter Glenn Beck: “So a lot of people think that George Soros is nothing to worry about, Donald Trump. Donald Trump took investment money from George Soros to build the Trump Tower in Chicago.”

Aha! Soros. Soros, the billionaire financier who has supported democracy efforts in former communist bloc countries and left-wing causes in the U.S.

And ... Chicago. Hmm ... Chicago. What foreign-born U.S. president learned radical Saul Alinsky-style politics in Chicago? You know who.

So, we know Trump is connected to Soros, and of course we know Soros is secretly running the White House.

Now, what does Trump get in return for his service to the White House, what does he get by acting like a loathsome buffoon and making a mockery of the Republican nominating process?

That I haven’t figured out yet. There’s some dirty deal, and I suspect Las Vegas has something to do with it. We always do.