Hey guys, Pat here. I was so excited to see these nude scenes that I actually jumped into KenJac’s blog to write about them, but unfortunately he insisted that he provide the commentary. He said something about it being “off brand.” I don’t know. Seems like bullshit, but it’s his blog so I’ll let him take over.

10. Leonardo DiCaprio in ‘Total Eclipse’

This is more of an honorary pick because of the star power behind the hog. You don’t get a lot of action, but it’s Leo!

9. Ewan McGreggor in ‘Velvet Goldmine’

Not even a particularly great hog, but god damn if Ewan isn’t the most handsome man alive.

8. Christian Bale in ‘Metroland’

Probably the most ill-kept meat in this bunch, I’m not a fan of the styling on this one. Speaking of jungles, Bale is starring in ‘Mowgli’ which is coming out soon.

7. Taye Diggs in ‘The Wood’

You might think in a movie titled ‘The Wood’ there might be a more impressive wang. Looked like a cold day though, to be fair.

6. Colin Farrell in ‘At the End of the World’

Just a great dick. Can’t say much more than that.

5. Michael Fassbender in ‘Shame’

Fassbender needs to fire his agent mostly for continuing to cast him in shitty movies despite him being a great actor. But he needs to double-fire him for not insisting on full-frontal scenes more often.

4. Kevin Bacon in ‘Wild Things’

The best Bacons cum from the fattest hogs, and there’s no exception here.

3. Jonah Hill in ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’

Was the penis prosthetic? Yes. Does it affect his status in this ranking? Absolutley not. PEDs are welcome and encouraged in this list.

2. Billy Crudup/Greg Plitt (RIP) in ‘Watchmen’

Dr. Manhattan is the GOAT cocksman. He could fuck your wife, your sister, and your mom all at the same time. Basically a blue Johnny Sins.

1. Chris Pine in ‘Outlaw King’

It’s recency bias and I don’t care one bit. Great looking wang I hope he bares more often in the future.

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