How is the sequester supposed to constructively and temporarily cripple our economy and national infrastructure when China keeps interfering and making everything better, by which we mean, in a dialectic sense, worse?

“The benchmark Dow Jones Industrial Average rose to an all-time record Tuesday on news that China was pledging to plow more money into its economy, returning the markets to highs not seen since before the financial crisis,” The Washington Post reports. “By 10 a.m. Tuesday, the Dow was up nearly 90 points, or 0.74 percent, to 14,216.70, blowing past a record that was set October 11, 2007, during a time when the economy was just peaking and headed toward disaster.” That means when we inevitably hit disaster next time, it’s going to be that much more catastrophic. U.S.A. No. 1!

Stock markets the world over are reacting positively to this morning’s news that China “pledge[s] to maintain economic growth at 7.5 percent,” Reuters reports. In an ironic twist, China’s re-commitment to “consumer-led growth [is designed to] to narrow the gap between rich and poor”—i.e., the very thing that President Obama attempted to do with a G.O.P.-verboten budget. Is China specifically attempting to succeed in ways that demonstrate the weaknesses in a democratic republic? If the new Chinese premier, like, announces he was born in Kenya but ha, ha, look at no one caring because we don’t even have a stupid Constitution, it might be time to take this all a bit personally.