Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

Newish photos of Michael Jackson’s children have revealed that the eldest—Michael Joseph Kingly Son of Jackson His Highness, Jr.—was, at one point, a cheap bottle blonde. Presumably not by choice. Although fresher scandals about Prince’s parentage, biological and otherwise, are arriving fast and furious, the hair thing has really touched a nerve among parents. Especially those who need to be outraged often enough to sustain a lively blog.

Not that it’s loving to bleach a child’s hair to the point where he looks like Siegfried, Roy, or one of the Village of the Damned zombies (who, incidentally, wore wigs with built-in domes so they appeared to have extra-large brains).

But what’s really behind the revulsion and concern these photos have provoked? If it’s just the evidence of bad parenting (bleaching a child’s hair can, after all, burn her tender skin, compel her to yodel, lead people to conclude you’ve just kidnapped her and must disguise her, or cause allergic reactions; just ask Sasha Baron Cohen), is it really so shocking that someone known as Wacko might exercise poor judgment?

I think it goes deeper. I think these photos make all too vivid a broader problem: our tendency to “package” or perfect our children, while denying their natural selves: the occasionally messy, lazy selves who just want to play mindlessly now and then with uneducational materials like dirt.

As a helpful reminder to avoid imposng perfection on your child, you might want to buy this prieceless 1988 sculpture, “Michael Jackson and Bubbles,” by high-kitsch (and apparently clairvoyant) artist, Jeff Koons. And then you know, just keep it out in the mud room.

Related Posts:

• The vast, bizarro world of the Cute Kid photo contest

• The seven ugliest birthday cakes in America

• The creepiest perfect babies in the world