The principal of an elite Sydney private school has urged parents to "chill" and told them the fees they pay do not entitle them to behave aggressively towards teachers.

In a recent school newsletter, the head of St Andrew's Cathedral School, Dr John Collier, wrote that he was "very displeased at the current level of agitation from a minority of parents" and that he was having to deal with "too many parents who have verbally abused, physically threatened or shouted at a staff member".

The elite school in Sydney's CBD this year charged $18,200 for kindergarten students and $31,300 for students in years 11 and 12.

Dr Collier wrote that his responsibility to protect his staff meant that, if necessary, he would tell them not to answer phone calls or emails from demanding parents, who could be banned from entering the school.

"I am aware some parents — because they are paying fees — see the relationship with teachers as a master/servant relationship, such that they are entitled to make extravagant demands," Dr Collier wrote.

"Even in a mercenary sense, this is hardly true."

He wrote that as parents "we tend to react when we perceive our child is threatened" and this seemed to "bring forth a reptilian kind of defensive response".

Parents who are aggressive towards teachers have been warned they will not be welcome on school grounds. ( Supplied )

He added that a middle school parent once told him that 13 staff members who had observed his daughter committing an offence were all lying, as his daughter said she was innocent.

"It is very hard to make progress with this level of unreality," he wrote, adding that parents needed to avoid working themselves up over single incidents involving their children.

"Recently, a middle school parent said to me that as her daughter had done poorly in her test, her life was actually over! Actually, it wasn't."

Dr Collier highlighted the small percentage that parents contribute through school fees to teachers' salaries and said that was "hardly a sufficient commercial relationship" for parents to have any say in how teachers act.

"I take it this drift is part of a general decline in civility in society and needs to be called out," he wrote.



Over his 28 years as a principal, Dr Collier had observed "a considerable increase in parental anxiety" which "may reflect increasing anxiety in society generally".

He ended his newsletter missive saying: "As our children would say to us: 'Chill!'"

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A matter of workplace safety

In an interview with the ABC, Dr Collier clarified that it was only a "tiny minority" of parents at St Andrews who behave abusively or aggressively towards teachers.

"They're not interactions with me, they're interactions with people who are seen by parents to have less authority and I have a responsibility as an employer to provide a safe workplace for those staff," he said.



Dr Collier said he thinks the issue of declining civility is partly a function of how role models such as politicians and sportspeople behave increasingly aggressively and abusively in the public arena.

"This is mainstreamed and normalised behaviour which I think is actually socially unacceptable," he said.

The behaviour is certainly not restricted to the private school system.

Rise in bad behaviour

Craig Petersen, deputy president of the NSW Secondary Principals Council, which represents heads of public schools, said he has also observed a rise in parents behaving aggressively and being unreasonably demanding.

"There's a sense that you're a public school, you belong to the public and I'm a member of the public therefore I'm your boss — which of course is an overly simplistic way to view it."

He said the vast majority of parents were supportive and fantastic to work with but some would vent their anger inappropriately "often to front office staff, not necessarily even the teacher or the principal who's directly involved, and that's quite stressful for us".

Mr Petersen thought the issue represented a broader shift in values, with people prioritising their rights over their responsibilities.

He said the increasing demands on parents' time and workloads, and the increasing emphasis by schools on external examinations were contributing to the perception by parents that all school issues were "high stakes … beyond a point where it's actually healthy".