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There are obviously a lot of areas to find fault in Fifty Shades of Grey--the glamorization of abusive relationships, the stars’ reported lack of chemistry, the source material’s clunky prose--but a new critique has emerged from a far more personal angle: Jamie Dornan’s wife, Amelia Warner, feels deeply weirded out by watching her husband do all that sex stuff.

As the Daily Mail breathlessly reports, Warner expressed her "discomfort" with the subject matter, which, according to an anonymous source, led Dornan to preemptively retire from any sequels:

The Irish actor was expected to return as the enigmatic corporate ecutive in > Fifty Shades Darker and > Fifty Shades Freed, parts two and three in the hugely successful trilogy by British novelist E.L James. But according to Australian magazine > NW Jamie, 32, has reportedly walked away from the plum role because wife of two-years Amelia Warner is uncomfortable with the raunchy sex scenes he shares with co-star Dakota Johnson.

He told the publication: ’(Amelia) hasn’t seen the film and I don’t think she will, to be honest, I’d understand if she didn’t want to.’

Naturally, fans are being dicks:

Another added: ’Jamie Dornan won’t appear in the next films of > 50 Shades because his wife don’t like it ... #whipped divorce her man.’ ’Surely Jamie Dornan’s wife knew what to expect when he signed up for > 50 Shades? I mean the books are hardly fluffy clouds and rainbows,’ wrote a perpled fan.

So, I guess we’re supposed to feel like Warner is some sort of neo-Victorian uber-prude? But whatever, man. Who wouldn’t feel a little weird watching their partner sexually whip an ingenue on an enormous screen? For the record, here are some other things I wouldn’t be particularly jazzed to watch my fiance simulate:

boring missionary intercourse

just making out a bunch with some chick

holding someone close to his boday and professing intimate love and secrets

wearing old age makeup and tenderly holding the hand of another person in old age makeup as they both simultaneously slip away into death

most other things that involve deep eye contact, tongues, butts, and/or rubbing

I’m not saying I’d derail anyone’s career or nothin’, I’m just saying that acting is a weird job and I imagine being a heartthrob’s wife is double weird.

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