Previously my wife and I read the post about someone’s Roomba trailing through dog poop. We laughed and didn’t think another thing about it.



Let me tell you how yesterday went. While at a training for work I receive a text message from my 10 year daughter. “Dad, please call me the floors are dead.” I assumed that auto correct had gotten involved and was trying to figure out what it had corrected from. Also in the back of my mind I assumed our 14 year old lab Dalmatian mix had passed away, only to be found by our daughter. I attempted to call my daughter with no answer and then called my wife. My wife had received the same text and had talked to our daughter.

Our lab is fine, our daughter was not. It appears that during our absence our 85 pound Band-dog mastiff had a bit of stomach distress. This in its self isn’t a big deal as pet owner we understand that periodically “poop happens.” What caused our very articulate 10 year daughter to become stymied was the fact that Rudy (our Roomba’s name) at 1415 hours started his tour of duty.

Our daughter entered the house at around 1430. Rudy had been diligently cleaning our house for 15 minutes give or take. It seems that he had made a bee line towards the piles of dog stomach distress and then gleefully in a poop filled rampage “cleaned” the house. I don’t know if dog excrement somehow is a super boost to Roombas (much like speed boosts on video games) or if Rudy somewhere deep in his programing has a code built in that basically states “if dog mess is found, crank all operations up to 11.” But it appears that in a very small bit of time he had somehow traversed into the master bedroom, the hall way, kitchen and of course the living room.

As any Roomba owner knows they travel in spiral patterns; they bump into walls and furniture and they stop and spin looking for dust or hair. This built in patterning is truly effective in the elimination of pet hair, dust and small bits of debris. This patterning also seems to mimic the path a three year old hopped up on red bull and given an open full paint can, would have. If you keep the afore mentioned three year old in mind and substitute poop for paint that is what we are looking at. Roombas also have a small propeller like, brush attachment. This attachment sticks out in front of the Roomba. Its’ original purpose appears to be reaching into corners where the round Roomba cannot reach. Unfortunately, this attachment also seems to have the ability to violate the known laws of physics by flinging poop in all directions, angles, around corners, inside locked cabinets, and oddly straight up in the air to hit a 12 foot ceiling. So give that three year old a fan and let them swing it around as much as possible.

So back to our daughter, as she entered the house she was struck by a smell that could only be described as Cerebos’s backyard after being fed Taco Bell and Jägermeister for three days. After the initial shock, she looked down, up and around and observed the poopy Pollock patterning on the walls. She immediately went further into the house, (where she got the strength of will I will never know) to find her phone to text her parents.

Before she could reach her phone, a poop flinging Rudy turned the corner and the chase was on. I don’t know what happen in the time between our daughter being spotted by the poop flinging Rudy and the text message, because she refuses to talk about it. She was able to stop the rampage by disabling Rudy and moving him to the backyard. After which she sent the text. I do have a theory on why she sent the “floors are dead” text. She being a normal 10 year girl has yet to witness anything close to the atrocity she saw. Given that she could only process the thought “the floors are dead.” In hopes we would call and she could articulate the carnage.

Back to my wife, I didn’t get all the above information until after the event. I was talking to my wife when she initially entered the house. All I heard was the garage door open, about 20 seconds of silence, a very soft “oh God” and then her telling me “it’s bad, I’ll call you back.” In her shock, she forgot to hang up the phone and for the next 5 or so minutes I could hear snippets of “How did it get there? Why, Oh man we might need to buy a rug, we just put in new floors, Oh God.”

I arrived home at around 1830 hours. Our house smelt of beach and cleaning fluid. My wife and daughter both freshly showered, both sitting down, both having only what can be described as a 1000 yard stare. My wife did say three words, “He is outside.”

I tried to take Rudy apart as much as light and my stomach would allow. As it stands right now some of his parts are soaking in a solution of bleach and water. I am hoping through the next week I will be able to thoroughly clean his outsides and insides.

So if I was to rate the Roomba I would highly suggest it others. We love the little guy, he has cleaned our floors without compliant, been a source of entertainment, and reduces our work load with our pets.

I do have to add one caveat. If you own pets only allow the Roomba to work while you are there. Or you will spend a week cleaning out at poop filled Roomba.