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Ah fantasy football–breathing the last breath into dying college friendships since 1962. Or probably another date that I didn’t just make up. But seriously, I’ve been invited to weddings I had no business being invited to due based on a friendship with the groom that’s entirely founded upon fantasy football banter. Half the time, I don’t even know the brides’ names. Turns out, if you just enthusiastically say ‘There she is!’ before giving her a hug, you can usually escape unscathed.

Among the many perks fantasy football provides for the members of any given league is the all-encompassing joy of delivering a punishment to the league loser. If being losing money and the respect of your peers wasn’t punishment enough, being forced into a 5-minute standup set about airplane food is about as good for the ego as a piss test is for Josh Gordon.

In any event, one intrepid league decided the fate of its loser should be left up to a Wheel of Defeat–containing 10 separate punishments that each member of the league sent into the commissioner at the beginning of the season. Andreas, a league member, sent us the punishments that found their way onto the wheel. They are glorious.