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DESPITE being clearly unhappy in their relationship, the Church and the State have decided to stick with it to avoid any unnecessary inconvenience, particularly when it comes to upsetting the children.

The pair had enjoyed a happy marriage since the formation of the Republic, and had their “honeymoon period” throughout the forties and fifties, where they merrily interfered with as many lives as they could, free from criticism or reprimand.

However, cracks in the relationship began to show in the eighties, with revelations that the church had been involved in several scandals, putting the State in a position where it had to incriminate itself in order to save its partner.

This led to some highly public arguments between the pair, which lead to very uncomfortable silences and rumours in the press that the relationship had seriously hit the rocks.

Although the coldness between Church and State has been very apparent during recent debates such as the Marriage Equality referendum, sources close to the couple have said that they intend to “knuckle down” and make their union work for “the sake of the kids”.

“Tensions in this relationship have been apparent since the State put its career ahead of the Church with referendums on divorce, and of course when the church had its trouble with the old…” said relationship counsellor Sheila Malone, making a finger-into-hole hand gesture.

“But both parties have agreed to stay together, possibly just as a marriage of convenience. They’ve both got a lot of money tied up in property, and of course they’ve got thousands of kids in Catholic national schools who would face upheaval if the Church and State split. It’s sad to see a relationship limp along like this, but they’re both grown-ups, they can do what they want with their lives”.

Other commentators have suggested that the Church and State may be staying together as a form of self-preservation, as both sides must have some “serious dirt” on each other at this stage.