John Piper Lands Lucrative Grape-Nuts Contract

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Desiring God founder, teacher, author, theologian, former pastor—all titles and accomplishments held by notable Baptist John Piper. But Piper’s not finished making his mark on this world, as he’s now the face of heart-healthy cereal Grape-Nuts, according to statements made at a Friday morning press conference.

The five year, $18 million endorsement contract will see Piper’s face plastered on cereal boxes and other Grape-Nuts products, and the theologian will be featured in Grape-Nuts television spots and print advertising recommending Post’s products to his millions of followers.

Reports indicate that Post Foods had considered several other personalities for its lucrative deal, but pursued Piper after Desiring God published a recent video in which he freely endorsed the cereal brand as part of his daily routine, leading to skyrocketing sales as others emulated the Bible teacher. Other factors reportedly included his irresistible enthusiasm, toned figure, and fetching beige sports jackets.

“Piper’s the whole package, really. We turned down agents’ offers from the likes of Mike Trout, Clayton Kershaw, and Aaron Rodgers,” a Post Foods representative said during the press conference, in which a smiling Piper donned a Grape-Nuts jersey and Post Foods ball cap.

“God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him,” Piper said thoughtfully as reporters’ cameras flashed blindingly all over the room. “But it’s difficult to focus our affections on Christ if we’re not getting 100% of our daily whole grain and fiber needs. Grape-Nuts helps make that happen, as part of your complete, God-glorifying breakfast.”

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