Anonymous asked: Okay, I typically identify as Asexual. I'm also in an established relationship with another who identifies as Asexual. But... lately I've been thinking about it, and I kind of wouldn't mind (and kind of want to try) having sex with her? But I've never felt like this before. Is there some kind of way to help me understand what's going on here?

There’s nothing wrong with being curious about sex! Because as we say on Asexual Advice… *drumroll* orientation does not equal behavior!

All asexuality means is that you don’t experience sexual attraction! But plenty of aces actually do have sex. Even aces in ace-ace relationships can have sex.

I feel bad because I can’t remember the name of the interview, but there was a news program in the US that interviewed a few asexuals (including David Jay) and there were also two aces in a relationship on the program and they talked about how they got married and eventually “experimented” with sex and it was like- hey cool, this feels good. And even though sex was enjoyable, they still weren’t sexually attracted to each other.

So yeah, if I were you, I would talk to your partner about how you feel. And if your partner feels the same, maybe you could try experimenting? And if not, then you haven’t hurt anything by asking, as long as you respect your partner’s decision. You could say, maybe, that this hasn’t changed your asexuality, but it’s something you’ve been curious about recently.

Good luck! <3

-Becca/Southpaw

You’re curious? There’s nothing wrong with curiosity and many aces enjoy sex simply because it feels good. :) Talk to her and see how she feels! If she wouldn’t mind, experiment away!

-Idra

Since you’re both ace, that may be the ideal place to experiment –neither of you is attracted to the other, so there is no need to feel guilty about it.

-Sea