PITTSBURGH—Scanning the shelves in the hair-care aisle of her local CVS, 24-year-old Jessica Codina was suddenly drawn to a bottle of shampoo featuring the most gruesome description of hair possible, sources confirmed Monday. “Ooh, this one’s perfect—‘For severely damaged and all-but-lifeless hair,’” said Codina, adding that an illustration on the bottle in which several strands of hair resembled a cluster of brittle twigs made it immediately stand out. “‘Specifically formulated to rejuvenate hair that’s nothing but tangled, heat-damaged split ends. Moisturizing agents temporarily help keep your hair looking and feeling like something other than charred sandpaper.’ Yep, this one’s for me.” At press time, Codina had also decided on a matching bottle of conditioner whose label explicitly said it probably wasn’t even worth bothering with.

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