While waiting for my non-military-discounted quesadillas, naturally, I needed to pee.



I walked into the Taco Cabana bathroom and there was no door on the handicapped stall. Not cool.

5 REASONS WHY TACO CABANA NEEDS A DOOR ON THE HANDICAPPED STALL:

1. Handicapped people may need to poop.





Handicapped people may need to poop. I have seen that happen before- especially at Taco Cabana. Handicapped people may need to poop. I have seen that happen before- especially at Taco Cabana.





I can always poop in the handicapped stall or the able-bodied stall. I am flexible in the bathroom. Poor word choice for the previous sentence. However, if you are handicapped, and there is only one handicapped stall in the bathroom and it doesn't have doors on it, you have to see if you can poop in the tiny stall that does have doors- or hope for the best. Hoping for the best usually means a quiet, somber ride home.









2. Taco Cabana workers may have to clean up an accident.

If the privacy issues cause a handicapped person to not poop in the bathroom, that person may have an accident outside the bathroom. If that happens, a Taco Cabana employee has to clean up the poop. That is a shitty job.



Honestly though, poop on the Taco Cabana floor may be the only way to get Taco Cabana's attention. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Poopy wheels leave tracks on the Taco Cabana floor tiles. Poop tracks leave louder feedback than online surveys or comment cards.







2. Fast food restaurant drug deals need privacy.

When you conduct your drug deal at Taco Cabana, you need enough room in the stall for two to five people. So people outside the stall can't see what is going on, you also need a door. Passersby don't like to look in a stall when five whispering guys are hanging out in there,- unless there is no door. If there is no door, then it is like looking in my neighbor's window. You pretty much have to look.





So, no doors mean there is no privacy and drug dealers have to take their business elsewhere. Not cool.



Also, if the drug is weed, then that means the stoner who would most likely smoke up then buy a taco is going to get high at some other taco place, have the munchies at some other taco place, and buy tacos at some other taco place. If stoners don't buy tacos, that's 30% of Taco Cabana's business flushed down the drain! So, a defective bathroom stall directly affects Taco Cabana's bottom line.









3. Fast food restaurant bathroom sex needs privacy too.

If you are going to have sex in Taco Cabana's bathroom, you need the door to be closed. It's true that anytime you have sex in a bathroom, people outside the stall may figure out what you are doing. But the stall door allows people to have plausible deniability.



Perhaps all that grunting means the person in the stall is hard at work banging out a turd. We have all been there before.



Perhaps the reason there are four legs hanging from the toilet is whomever is pooping has four legs. Maybe that is what makes them handicapped. It must be hard for a four-legged person to buy pants. Look at the way two of their shoes don't match their other two shoes. It is hard enough for a four-legged person to buy shoes, let alone pants.



You have to have a door on the stall for the sex people so I can have plausible deniability. Instead of judging this four-legged handicapped person who can't easily buy pants or shoes, I will swiftly pee then uncomfortably leave without washing my hands.





Everyone poops- even Tom Booker.









4. What about Babadook?





5. What if I need to poop in the handicapped stall?

When I poop in the bathroom, I like to stretch my legs out. I can't do that in a regular stall. And that is what this all boils down to. If you don't have a door on the Taco Cabana handicapped stall then I have to take my business elsewhere. Turns out I had my Taco Cabana diarrhea at Scott Hearne's house instead. I had to apologize. It was browns and frowns all around.





CONCLUSION:

Sorry I pooped at your house, Scott Hearne. Taco Cabana didn't have a door on their bathroom stall. To make things even, please walk five blocks to Taco Cabana and give them one of your poops.

To everyone else: if you want to visit Benigno and not get your military discount, please go to Taco Cabana at 5242 N Lamar, Austin, Texas.







Bye! I'm Jake!





UPDATE:

Sometimes even Babadooks need to poop. The Bababdook is a large creature and needs space to conduct his business. If you don't give him that space, he will haunt you, possess your body, and make you have a car wreck socan feel what it is like to shit your pants. That's called a Baba-Also, The Bababdook needs you to let him in. If there isn't a door, how can you let him in?To help Taco Cabana raise funds for their new handicapped stall door, I started a GoFundMe. Please help support the cause here: http://www.gofundme.com/tacocabanadoor