CHICAGO—In an effort to stay competitive in a growing market, Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced Monday that Chicago will be offering new tax breaks to attract major New York and Los Angeles shootings. “The city has already proven itself to be a big player, but these new incentives will ensure that Chicago stays at the forefront of gun-related violence for decades,” said Emmanuel, adding that Chicago would be offering over $2 billion in tax credits to entice top talent to leave the East and West coasts and set up their shootings in the Midwestern metropolis. “We’ve had a number of first class local shootings over the last few years, especially on the more productive Southside, but if we’re going to expand into neighborhoods all over the city, we’re going to need fresh blood.” Emanuel added that the “Windy City” has many unique, undiscovered locations that can serve as the perfect backdrops for small homicides or huge massacres.

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