Not Tonight, Honey, My Patriarchy Hurts

Among the lies women have to tell in order to save themselves from harm, saying “I have a headache” as a way to decline a man’s sexual advances just became even more suspect. This month, a study was published which showed that, of a group of migraine sufferers who had “sex” during an episode, about sixty percent experienced pain relief. For a third, the pain worsened. But that doesn’t stop the ‘no more excuses, ladies!’ headlines about the report.

In the coverage of the study, there is no differentiating “had an orgasm” from “had sex”, and I would presume the study doesn’t make a distinction either. Also fuzzy is what “sex” means here (hint: almost certainly PIV). In any case, the point to it is that women are apparently no longer allowed to have this reason — true or not — in their “don’t touch me, dude-whom-I’m-sexually-involved-with” arsenal. One could say the same for men who use this as an excuse, but the effects of these study results are not equal. Women aren’t going to be the ones using this information to back their male partners into a corner and pressure them into sex. Rather, it is men who will continue saying, even just “teasingly”, that their dicks will cure their wives of headaches.

Ah, yes. Healing dick powers – clear your skin, sleep better, look younger. I can’t help but recall the I Love Lucy Vitameatavegemin episode in which Lucy does a TV commercial for a ‘health supplement’ which is essentially a liqueur of some kind, plus some vitamins. “Yes, with Vitameatavegemin, you can spoon your way to health.” Yes, with PIV you can fuck your way to health. Unless you get an infection. Or a disease. Or it just feels bad. Or you are constantly stressed by the possibility of being pregnant. Or you actually do become pregnant. And, hey, woops maybe you get gestational diabetes, maybe you’re bed ridden for months, maybe you get an obstetric fistula, or maybe you die. (And it’s a cruel coincidence that a side effect of hormonal birth control happens to include, wouldn’t you guess it, headaches and migraines!)

But headache or not, it’s clear: women aren’t allowed to just say no. A ‘no’ and only a ‘no’, not a qualified lie of a ‘no’. Females have to be up for any PIV that comes their way… even if you feel sick to your stomach and any movement makes you feel ill, and you just want to be very still in a very dark room. Nope, the peen will heal you. Just lay back and think of your health.

*

In writing this, I found an opening line to a news piece from a few years ago, which seriously says this:

Scientists believe there may be a valid reason why some women make excuses at times for not wanting to make love to their husbands.

Well, thanks, science. I’m so glad it’s been proven that women have (may have, sorry) authentic reasons for not wanting sex.* How about we get a study going on the myriad ways women are conned into sex by men rather than how women are forced to make polite, ego-guarding excuses to simply refuse sex? Right, right: lying in order to make a woman comply with your sexual demands is fine, it’s just when she lies to get out of fucking you that it’s a problem.

And now I have a headache. But I’m just going to take a nap later and maybe put a warm compress over my eyes. What a headache prude.

———————————————-

[*The study the article refers to essentially says that some women are just messed up because their brain cells didn’t react as they should when shown pornography. These women were referred to as having ‘low libido’.]