by Curtice Mang

The race for the White House began in 2012 with the Republicans holding more debates than Michael Phelps has Olympic medals – i.e. a lot! Republican primary voters, after trying various flavors of the week – Bachman, Cain, Gingrich, Santorum, Groucho, Chico, Harpo – finally settled on vanilla – Mitt Romney. (It should be noted that a politician who never speaks and can pull a pot of steaming hot coffee out of his overcoat pocket, like Harpo, would be considered an appealing candidate.) Nevertheless, vanilla looks quite attractive after the bitter pill of the last three and a half years.

Next, we learned that years ago Mitt Romney took his dog on a vacation – on the roof of his car. We also learned that years ago Barack Obama ate a dog. Romney’s dog enjoyed his vacation; Obama enjoyed his chow, literally. The Washington Post reported in a major story that a teenage Romney was a bully to a fellow classmate some forty-five years ago. We also learn that Obama wrote in one of his books about bullying a girl when both were youngsters. We are not certain if the girl in Obama’s book is a composite person or a real one. We are reasonably certain The Washington Post is not a real newspaper. We are completely certain that none of these stories has anything to do with electing a president.

The Romney campaign has suggested that the Obama administration has some responsibility for the current economic conditions, especially the national debt, including an $800 billion stimulus that didn’t stimulate and that he, Romney, can do better. The Obama campaign has responded with “Dog on the roof! Dog on the roof! Dog on the roof!”

The Obama campaign did produce a bizarre internet slide show called “The Life of Julia.” The slide show follows “Julia”, a faceless woman, through various stages of her life. The only constant, besides Julia never having any eyes or mouth, is that government is involved in her life every step of the way. In a precursor to a statement Obama would make a couple of months later about business owners, the slide show suggests that Julia didn’t build her life, somebody else made that happen – the Obama campaign staff, perhaps after an extended happy hour.

In a campaign e-mail to supporters, Michelle Obama stated that Barack used to dig her car out of the snow on winter mornings in Chicago. The e-mail went on to say, “In all our years of marriage, he’s always looked out for me. Now I see the same commitment every day to you and to this country.” So that’s what all those stories about domestic drones are about – President Obama is just “looking out for us.” Or, perhaps it that means that if we re-elect Barack Obama he will shovel our cars out of the snow every day. Great, I live in Phoenix.

Mitt Romney took a trip to Great Britain, Israel and Poland. As the London Olympics were set to begin, Romney said he had some concerns about London’s security readiness. The British press, who for months had been expressing concerns about London’s security readiness, lashed out at Romney. The American press called it a gaffe. The Democrats, who apparently have not been paying attention to the last three and a half years, said this was proof that Romney was ill-prepared to deal with foreign affairs.

Harry Reid announced on the floor of the Senate that Romney is a tax cheat, that he has not paid his taxes is ten years. He apparently knows this because somebody somewhere heard it. He has provided no proof. We, however, do have proof that Harry Reid is a nitwit.

Mitt Romney announced this weekend that he has selected Paul Ryan to be his running mate. Many Republicans are thrilled at the selection as this will put the Ryan budget plan front and center in the campaign. Many Democrats are thrilled at the selection as this will put the Ryan budget plan front and center in the campaign. Harry Reid is thrilled as well, but wonders, “What’s a budget?”

The campaign continues…