Day One Hundred and Seventy-Five: The Next Right Thing

"And how does that make you feel?"

I stop picking at my knee and scowl at Olaf, "What?"

He chuckles, "Nothing, I've just always wanted to say that. But I am happy that you and Elsa are doing well, seeing you two really brightens up my Sunday mornings."

We do? I've never heard of us brightening up anyone else's lives but our own. And I mean we're not exactly a couple of optimistic rays of sunshine. I'm more of an angsty volcano, and Elsa's more of a heat lamp. But like in a cute way? I don't know. "I mean I guess that's one way to describe us," I mutter.

"So no complaints?" he asks.

I try to keep a straight face, adamant to never tell Olaf any more than he needs to know, but my damn voice cracks while I try to speak, "N-no. No complaints." Hopefully, he doesn't notice.

"You hesitated." Damn it.

I shake my head, "It's nothing."

And then something changes about this twiggy, eternally cheerful supervisor. He straightens up a little, and he doesn't exactly glare at me, but his eyes narrow just enough to get my attention. And he speaks with severity in his voice, "Anna, you are legally obligated to tell me of any concerns and complaints with the room and/or your roommate."

"Holy sh…" I clear my throat, "Get off my ass, alright? It's not about the room or Elsa. It's about me."

Great job, Anna. You could have stopped yourself before saying that last part, but you didn't. My second slip-up in like five seconds, I blame Elsa being on my mind.

And they aren't my typical "Holy shit I like her again" sorta thoughts. They're different, more complicated.

She's only had one other anxiety attack since the party, but as far as I'm concerned, that's two too many.

Holding her still helps, apparently, and I'm not gonna pass up on the opportunity to do that. But with her looming book deadline, and something else I feel like she's not telling me, I just wish I could do something more for her.

I don't know what else I can do, though. Empathy isn't my strong suit, even if I do feel like I know her better than most people. I wish I had this magic wand that could help all of her problems go away.

But am I gonna tell Olaf any of this? Eh, probably not most of it.

When he looks at me with wide-eyed curiosity, I sigh, "I...wanna be a better roommate. For Elsa."

It looks like that definitely gets his attention. "Ooh, this definitely gets my attention. What's with the sudden change of heart?"

I scoff, "Change of heart? You make me sound like I'm an asshole to her."

Olaf scribbles something on his clipboard, now with three snowflake stickers on it, "Well I wouldn't use that word specifically."

"Gee, fuck you too then. Look, that's not even a complaint, so there's nothing I have to…" Another stupid question crosses my mind that I probably shouldn't ask. "Has Elsa ever mentioned her 'happy place'?"

As expected, Olaf doesn't spill. "That's not something I can disclose to you."

"Oh come on, you asked me about mine like four times." It's the gym, obviously. "I'm just curious, that's all. If it's someplace real, then maybe I could take her there to destress or whatever."

Olaf raises an eyebrow, "Are you wanting to do this as a friend? Or something else? Something more than that?"

I let out a scoff and lie, "Of course as a friend. It's not like I'm telling you to give me her deepest, darkest secrets, I just want to know how to help her relax. Besides, didn't you say that we're like your favorite couple that you've ever worked with or whatever?"

"There's a difference between me stating my opinion, and disclosing personal information that could aid or hinder your participation in this contest," Olaf explains.

"I don't want you to like rig the competition, I-I just...ugh." I flop back into my seat and blow back a strand of hair from my face. "Never mind…"

As if to rub salt in the wound, Olaf repeats, "I can't give you any information that can help or hinder you in this contest." The way he says this feels more apologetic than scolding, but it still fucking sucks.

I pout and clench the pillow a little bit tighter, guess it's back to the drawing board. "Whatever, are we done?"

"Almost." He ducks his head back into his clipboard and starts writing something. I'm used to appointments dragging from time to time, I guess this is just another one that'll be a bit longer than the others. Which sucks because I feel kinda stupid right now. And I just wanna go back into my room to think about how to be there for Elsa better than I am now.

Man, I can't believe that's actually a thing I can think about without vomiting.

Why did I have to have feelings for her again? Oh right, cause she's fucking perfect, thoughtful, beautiful, caring, warm, sexy, smart, and...Elsa.

After a few seconds, Olaf begins to mumble something that I think is directed to me, but it has nothing to do with anything we talked about. "The beach is pretty nice this time of year," he says.

"What?" I say, even though I know he's talking to himself.

"Still bright and sunny outside, but the season's almost over so there won't be as many people anymore. Especially in the evening, when the waves get too high. Nice place to watch the sunset."

Watch the sunset? What the hell is he...wait.

"Sounds like a pretty peaceful way to spend a day," he says with a chuckle to himself. At least it sounds like it's to himself.

"Wait, is this...are you telling me-"

Olaf shoots his eyes back up at me with a big smile, "Oh hi! You're still here! We're all finished up now, so if you could call Elsa, I'd really appreciate it."

I blink, "Uh, wh- I...okay."

"Thaaaaaaank youuuuuu," he trails off as I walk towards Elsa's door, feeling different. Getting the answer I wanted in a way too complicated manner.

I do the knock, and Elsa answers the door in like two seconds. She's got on her pajama pants from last night with the cute little unicorns on the bottom, and a gray tank top. Her hair's in a neat ponytail. She has that warm, "thanks for getting me" smile on her lips.

Stupid, sexy, wonderful Elsa.

"Everything okay?"

Shit, was I staring again? Oh who am I kidding, I'm always staring. "Uh yeah. Why? Did I look not okay?"

Elsa giggles. "No, it's just that you kinda look like you're…" She twirls her finger around her eyes, "Sorta lost in thought. Wanna talk about it when I'm done?"

Hell no, that'd ruin the surprise. I shake my head and give her what I hope is a convincing smile. "Nah, I'm just thinking about something I gotta do later. Don't worry about it."

The way she purses her perfect lips tells me she's not fully convinced, "Mmhmm...well if you wanna talk about it, then we can. Okay?" Her smile grows and she puts a hand on my arm. She brushes her thumb across it as she effortlessly moves me out of the way.

Even when I'm back in my room, I can still fucking feel it- her thumb, her fingers, her hand And damn if I want more. I always want more.

Of course I want to help her, and do more than just hold her through her anxiety attacks. Of course I care about her as a person, and as a roommate, and as an ex-girlfriend, and because she's Elsa and I can never stop caring about her. Of course I want to be there for her...but I want her too.

And at this point, I'd do anything to get her back.

Which means that I guess it's time to go to the beach.