(Permanent Musical Accompaniment To The Last Post Of The Week By The Blog's Favourite Living Canadian)

Here's a thought experiment. In the past two days, El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago has been accused of rape by journalist E. Jean Carroll in New York magazine, who describes an encounter of the type that the president* admitted to in the infamous Access Hollywood tape, only worse. He also managed to nearly stumble into a shooting war in the Persian Gulf on Thursday night and, when the heat arose around him on Friday, he gave an interview to Chuck Todd of NBC News that almost certainly was a giant container ship full of pure bullshit.

"I thought about it for a second and I said, you know what, they shot down an unmanned drone, plane, whatever you want to call it, and here we are sitting with a 150 dead people that would have taken place probably within a half an hour after I said go ahead. And I didn’t like it, I didn’t think, I didn't think it was proportionate."

The idea that he didn't find out about possible civilian casualties deriving from the most consequential act of his presidency until shortly before the attack was launched is completely laughable, unless all of his briefers were drunk and passed out. (By running this rap, by the way, the president* tossed his military advisers under his wheels.) So, with all of this happening in one day, I ask the question: what if the polls are right?

Trump’s base remains solidly behind him. Anadolu Agency Getty Images

I know all the reasons why this should be a close election. The economy is good and, more important, it is perceived to be good. His base remains solidly behind him, at least at the moment, although some cracks are beginning to widen. The Democratic nominating process looks like the starting grid at Daytona at the moment, and the Democratic Party remains...the Democratic Party. There will be Russian ratfcking, and voter-suppression, and Christ alone knows what-all shenanigans between now and November of 2020. But let your mind wander a bit. What if all the awful numbers we're seeing these days about his approval/re-elect ratings in the individual states are correct and, further, what if they don't get any better? Isn't the possibility of his being crushed in a landslide at least as probable as the idea that he can pull the same inside straight he pulled in 2016?

I don't care what kind of brave face they put on, the Republicans are just as uneasy with this guy at the top of the ticket as they were three years ago. Yes, his base is solid, but some of them are getting killed by what few actual policies he's proposed. Yes, the Democrats are capable of cannibalizing each other, but what if the president* throws a couple of serious nutties before election day? I'm not saying anything definitive, and I don't make predictions, but the possibility of this president*'s being trounced is as likely as any other. Not entirely sure why that isn't talked about more. No whistling past the graveyard, I guess. And it is ridiculously early to predict anything.

Home protection is a thriving industry these days. You can buy systems that allow you to yell at burglars in Pewaukee while drinking a nice Merlot poolside in Cabo. Of course, not everyone can afford the state-of-the-art stuff, and they are forced to improvise, like this guy in Alabama did. From the News-Courier in Limestone County:

When investigators served the warrant, 37-year-old Ronnie Reynolds of Ardmore was inside the apartment, but Paulk wasn't home. Reynolds was charged with possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and loitering at a known drug house. He was later released from the Limestone County Jail on $4,000 bond. Prior to executing the warrant, investigators were informed Paulk kept an “attack squirrel” inside his apartment and Paulk fed the caged squirrel meth. An animal control deputy arrived and contacted the Alabama Game and Fish Division of the Department of Conservation.

Game and Fish confirmed it is illegal to have a pet squirrel, and they recommended releasing the squirrel, which deputies did successfully. Young said there was no safe way to test the squirrel for meth.

The only way to stop a bad guy with a meth-head attack squirrel is a good guy with a meth-head attack squirrel.

In this June 2019 photo released by the Limestone County Sheriff’s Office, a squirrel is shown in a cage, in Ala. Alabama investigators say a man kept the caged "attack squirrel" in his apartment and fed it methamphetamine to ensure it stayed aggressive. Uncredited/AP/Shutterstock

And folks must be stocking up on meth-head attack squirrels, especially the parents of teenaged daughters, because the Gadsden Mall Creeper is back on the scene. This, of course, is simply another monster that has escaped from the lab that produces all sorts of modern Republicans, some of whom have indicated their dismay at the prospect of the GMC stalking the ballot boxes again. From the Charleston Post and Courier:

“Who in the world are his advisors?” the former South Carolina governor and U.N. ambassador tweeted Friday. “At what point does he think another run will have a different response,” she added. “He does not represent our Republican Party.”

Except, of course, on those days, like Friday, when Haley's old boss in the White House is accused of sexual assault again. It's all happening. Truly, it is.

Weekly WWOZ Pick To Click: "The Darling Of The Okra Strut" (Tin Men): Yeah, I pretty much still love New Orleans.

(Special Notice: On Saturday, from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. EDT, the mighty, mighty 'OZ will be broadcasting Dr. John's service live. Listen in and get your NOLA own for real. Kon-kon, the kiddy kon-kon...)

Weekly Visit To The Pathe Archives: Here, from 1925, is some film of one of the earliest forms of escalators. If we only knew what horrors an escalator would bring upon this nation, we would've uninvented the thing. History is so cool.

The weekend's sports news will be highlighted by the Munster Senior Football championship match at Páirc Uí Chaoimh in Cork between the home team Rebels and Kerry, who are chasing their seventh consecutive provincial championship against a Cork side that is fairly banged up. Elsewhere, the USWNT may give up a goal in their World Cup march, but I doubt it. This is like watching the original Dream Team at this point, except the women here are being yeckled from the peanut gallery about how they celebrated goals against Thailand, and they're competing for a world title while simultaneously being at war with their sport's governing body, which is a pack of crooks, anyway. This makes them all the more admirable.

As regulars here in the shebeen know, we try our best to keep track of our peculiar enthusiasms. For example, we collect items for the folder marked, "Why Don't I Ever Get Stories With These Kinds of Headlines?" More recently, we've opened a new folder marked, "What In The Hell Is Wrong With Tennessee?" It's a rare moment when we get a two-fer like this one from The Tennessean. First, the headline. I mean, come on.

House speaker candidate's Christian magic supply business is not registered with the state.

Really, now. How can you not read on once you've seen the phrase "Christian Magic Supply Business"? Really, now, what do you sell? Loaves And Fishes Sea Monkeys? Water Into Wine dribble glasses? Books on how to saw Pontius Pilate in half? But that's only the half the fun. The story itself lives up to the hed.

Deputy Speaker Matthew Hill, R-Jonesborough, also has ties to two companies doing political work — including one receiving money from his own campaign — and two years ago nearly faced foreclosure on his home. Now, Hill is crisscrossing the state making the case to his Republican colleagues about why he should be speaker and handing out campaign checks in an effort to show he has the fundraising abilities to lead the House GOP. Hill is the owner of Dock Haley Gospel Magic, an online business that he and his wife operate out of their basement. The company sells Christian-themed magic supplies and teaching aids to customers around the world who use magic shows as a form of evangelism.

Not to be too much of a heathen, but that's sort of been the gig all along, hasn't it?

Rep. Matthew Hill is some character. Erik Schelzig/AP/Shutterstock

At least it's not Alabama, where a Christian church has been allowed to create its own police force, something the Christian world hasn't seen since the demise of the Papal States. From NPR:

Church officials say they need their own police force to protect its 4,100 members, 2,000 students and two campuses in neighboring Jefferson and Shelby counties, especially in light of armed attacks on schools and churches. Critics say the mega-church already has private security and under the new law it would gain state authority that could be abused if officers are answerable only to church officials. Randall Marshall, the executive director of the ACLU of Alabama, told The Associated Press he expects the law, which goes into effect in the fall, will be challenged in the courts.

If you polled the congregation at Sunday services this week, I wonder what percentage of them would tell you that there are places in the U.S. that currently are under sharia law? Now they have their own mutawa to keep order. Pity the poor usher who falls asleep, or the soprano who misses a note at choir practice. "Freeze, scumball! Put that hymnal back where you found it. Go ahead, make my day." There is nothing in the gospels about Christ's church having their own SWAT team. I checked.

Is it a good day for dinosaur news, Daily Express? It's always a good day for dinosaur news!

However, researchers near the South Pole have now made a breakthrough in the icy continent of Antarctica, which explains how marine life returned after the event. A team led by the British Antarctic Survey studied just under 3000 marine fossils collected from below the frozen desert. Author Dr Rowan Whittle, a palaeontologist at British Antarctic Survey, said on June 19: “This study gives us further evidence of how rapid environmental change can affect the evolution of life. Our results show a clear link in the timing of animal recovery and the recovery of Earth systems.”

Dr James Witts, who was part of the University of New Mexico team that helped, explained how the study reveals the sheer magnitude of the effects following the asteroid devastation. He said: “Our discovery shows the effects of the K-Pg extinction were truly global. “Even Antarctic ecosystems, where animals were adapted to environmental changes at high latitudes like seasonal changes in light and food supply, were affected for hundreds of thousands of years after the extinction event.”

This hasn't exactly been the week to talk loosely about extinction-level events, but, by the time the asteroid hit, dinosaurs already had lived long enough then to make us happy now.

The Committee had no choice this week. Blog Official Snake Skin Stretcher Friedman of the Plains ran away with Top Commenter of the Week with this top comment regarding the business-school-ese currently afflicting public education.

“It lacked a leadership thesis that is necessary for organizational success."



If I had a buck for every time I said that, I'd be a Successories Poster.

That's the way you do that Top Commenter thang. Lock up them 91.00 Beckhams somewhere safe. Spend them wisely. Stay out of Spencer Gifts at the mall. And stay out of the Woolworth.

I'll be back on Monday as I prepare to head to Miami to watch Summersla...er...the first Democratic primary debate. Be well and play nice ya bastids. Stay above the snake-line, and be sure to lock your meth-head attack squirrel up if there are children in the house.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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