In this day and age it is easy to notice the overwhelming amount of anxiety in individuals. Social settings are often dreaded due to the mild to severe symptoms associated with social phobia or anxiety such as panic and fear, sweating and heavy breathing, shaking in the voice, blushing, trembling, and an upset stomach. Many of us experience these feelings when thinking about meeting or talking with strangers, bosses and co-workers, instructors, and even family and friends. This gets in the way of the proper living of life. What should be fun and exciting experiences, deep dives into the mysterious and unknown happenings and connections with other beings often become awkward and speechless episodes of nervousness and self-consciousness. What can we do to resolve this problem on a personal level? Wouldn’t it feel wonderful to no longer be overly shy around others and to be able to relax in situations which we would normally break down or run away from?

The first suggestion to be made is to learn how to relax before entering a social situation or event. If you’re going over it in your head repeatedly before it actually happens, you can easily set yourself up for failure. When we convince ourselves that we have social anxiety and continuously bask in the fear of disapproval, going over future situations in our heads with negative connotations, we subconsciously program ourselves to act and react in certain ways. In order to stop this vicious cycle, we must learn to cultivate self-love and acceptance while finding a way to let go and relax into our skins. It is important to remember that expectations are created both by the self and by society at large. They do not exist in a concrete way, they are simply ideas which can be ignored.

Now, it is easy for an extrovert or simply a confident person to tell another to “stop caring what others think about you.” While this rings true on many levels and should be common sense to all, it isn’t quite as simple as it sounds to immediately change a belief or a negative program which has been planted and sowed for a lifetime. One that comes with physical symptoms as intense as panic attacks. You don’t go from regularly picking yourself apart to loving yourself overnight. However, it should be deeply realized that we are all individual (seemingly) parts of a whole, and some degree of individuation and uniqueness should be cultivated and confidently displayed without a care in the world! It is far too easy to over-analyze yourself and be critical of how you come off to others in your social meetings, whether it be your physical appearance, intelligence, your life story, or whatever, but these things are unimportant in the bigger picture. These things are only your persona, your mask, your ego- and that isn’t the real YOU. The real “you” doesn’t have to be so serious all of the time!

Taking small steps to cultivate self-acceptance is key. First of all, you need to know yourself on a deep level. By doing this, you will be able to bring the parts of yourself which you perhaps didn’t like from the shadows out into the light of acceptance and on to integration. Forming good daily habits is another good way to take steps in a different direction, such as waking up in the morning, going to the mirror, and smiling at yourself, telling yourself “I love you,” or laughing at yourself because you are trying to take it all less seriously. Moving along, seeking out new and spontaneous social situations is a wonderful way to beat anxiety. Saying hello to strangers passing by in the crosswalk, sparking up conversation with the barista at a new coffee shop or a friendly face at the library. Ask meaningful questions and refer back to them later in conversation. Stop holding on to any ideas of perfection, because all of the little thoughts and self-conscious blurbs inside your skull that you hear while in social situations that are telling you that you’re “coming off as weird,” that “your outfit doesn’t look right,” or that “they think that they’re better than me” are meaningless and self-destructive, for they will do nothing more for you than steer you into the wrong direction- inward rather than outward. (Not that there is anything wrong with being introverted, I always have been and always will be inward in thought, but now I own it based on that observation rather than become crippled because of it.)

Taking a little bit of time out of our days to consciously work on our subconscious beliefs and programs will work wonders in melting away the nightmares of social anxiety. Moreso, a deep realization and feeling of non-duality, or unity with the cosmos will destroy any last trace of seriousness related to the notion of “I” or “myself.” The ego’s social game of the rat race and one-upmanship which we are all born into will be seen for what it is, and the choice upon how to confront it, whether from the outside or the inside, in an introverted or an extroverted fashion will be yours to make. And never forget to be mindful in your communication with others, for it can make all the difference between a successful and failed attempt.