US to replace national anthem with the Benny Hill theme

Following a Donald Trump win in the Presidential election, the US has announced plans to abandon the Star-Spangled Banner as National Anthem in favour of the Benny Hill theme, Yakety Sax.

“The Star-Spangled Banner is a beautiful old hymn of hope and decency,” explained American historian, Simon Williams, through tears at what his country had become.

“So now, with a Trump presidency in prospect, the theme to Benny Hill seems tonally more appropriate, given how this nation is now perceived around the world.”

The Benny Hill Show, surprisingly popular in the US, featured Benny Hill playing a lecherous and stupid version of himself who would chase after scantily-clad women with hilarious consequences.

“I think that when President Trump walks up the steps of the Capitol to take the oath of office in January, hearing the strains of the Yakety Sax will give the occasion about the appropriate level of dignity.

“And if the organisers want him to go up the steps a bit quicker, they could always send up a couple of women in bikinis to run comically ahead of him?”

Other options considered as a new National Anthem include the theme for the Simpsons, Sir Mix-a-lot’s Baby Got Back and, what is understood to be Mr Trump’s choice, Tomorrow Belongs To Me.

The Benny Hill theme seemed to find favour with many Americans when asked for their preferred anthem.

“Yeah, I sure like that,” said Eleanor Gay from Pennsylvania.

“But then, I voted Trump. So I ain’t that great at choosing things.”