In a shocking turn of events, NCAA president Mark Emmert announced that the Penn State men’s hockey team would receive the death penalty after “ruining college hockey.”

Emmert released a short statement following the breaking news explaining his reasoning behind the decision. “College hockey was good and fine just as it was,” Emmert said. “There was nothing wrong with traditional rivalries. Boston College, Boston, the whole lot. It was all just fine until freaking Penn State came around and screwed everything up.”

The penalties levied seemingly all in one fowl swoop are some of the harshest ever handed down by the NCAA. Previously, the SMU Mustangs football team was handed a similar penalty in 1987 after it was found that the program operated a slush fund used to pay recruits and entice players financially to come play for SMU. Sanctions resulted in the cancellation of the Mustangs’ 1987 season along with a self-imposed cancellation of the 1988 season.

Penn State head coach Guy Gadowsky responded to the news. “It’s absolute garbage,” Gadowsky politely remarked — likely saving the profanity for off-camera. “Sorry to make college hockey more fun. We’ll be back, make no mistake of it.”

These harsh penalties have fans up in arms — and for good reason. It seems like the NCAA just needed another excuse to punish Penn State unjustly. Luckily, this is a two-way street — this just gives Penn State fans more reason to hate Mark Emmert.

It’s unclear how long the penalty will stay in effect. It’s also been announced that Louis Freeh will be working independently to conduct his own review of the program’s infractions.