From Baka-Tsuki

Kamijou Touma Visits Another World [ edit ]

1: Kamijou Touma Visits Another World [ edit ]

Kamijou: Kamijou Touma visits another world. Today, I think I will pay a visit to the parallel Heavy Object world.

Quenser: Hey, no idea what any of that means, but how’d you get here?

Kamijou: Um, somehow or other. Y’know, get super heavy elements…trap them with magnetism…apply the Lorentz force from all directions…and add some voltage. That will theoretically bring you to the speed of light, so…with some extreme pressure…and some degeneration…

Heivia: Stop, stop! You’re scaring me already! This is sounding even more dangerous than our mysterious reactors!

Kamijou: Anyway, I’ll need somewhere to stay until I can get back to Academy City. Surely you’ve got something here. Like a giant school, an ocean floor city, a giant community, or some other strange place where a lazy visiting scholar will secretly teach you how to summon a forbidden dragon! The transfer student has arrived, so where’s the hurricane!? Hurry up and show Kamijou-san where to go!”

Heivia: Hey, um, buddy?

Quenser: We kind of have bigger problems right now.

Kamijou: Don’t be ridiculous. I’m in another world! I’ve crossed the parallel border! What kind of weaksauce reaction is that!? Oh, is the problem that I’m not a cute girl!?

Frolaytia: Oh, shut up. How about you try turning around? The enemy is approaching as we speak.

Kamijou: What, you can’t just throw a mid-boss at me without any setup! Besides, I’ve fought tons of monsters like Saints who can move at the speed of sound and the #1 who can reflect vectors in all directions, so it’ll take a lot to surprise me.

Princess: That’s great news. You can go deal with that Object for us.

Kamijou: Deal with what Obje- what!? It’s huge! That’s more than 10 stories tall, isn’t it!? What the hell is that round monster of a weapon? Eh? Not even a nuke can’t destroy it? And its equipped with a main cannon capable of destroying those same nuke-resistant Objects? If it’s got the unstoppable force and the immovable object, what do you expect me to do!?

Quenser: What the hell is it? It’s the Information Alliance’s Generation 2 Old Virgin.

Kamijou: Who names these things!?

Frolaytia: Us. And why should we bother coming up with a cool name for our enemy?

Heivia: The name comes from its pure record of never taking a single hit ever since its construction, but I have my doubts. This is the Information Alliance we’re talking about, so I bet they’re just suppressing the information.

Kamijou: Wait, wait, wait. I’m about to go insane thinking about just one of these big things, so stop throwing more onto the pile! And if it’s 50m tall, how do you expect us to fight it!? We need to run away!!

Quenser: The real problem is that we don’t have an Object of our own.

Princess: Because Frolaytia had us send the Baby Magnum down into that crevasse so we could get in a surprise attack.

Heivia: Why does this always happen? Our busty commander comes up with a plan, the plan ends up putting the Princess in trouble, and we have to clean up the mess. I swear, it’s every single time.

Frolaytia: To be clear, it’s simply stuck in the ravine, so the system and reactor are still functioning. This does not qualify as damage, so I have not lost.

Quenser: Pouting your lips isn’t going to change that we’re screwed! You know how I know we’re screwed? Because our commander and our Pilot Elite are out here on the front line with us!

Kamijou: I’m foggy on the details, but I have to agree with the “we’re screwed” part! I’m just a high school boy and I don’t want to die, so take me somewhere safe!!

2: Legitimacy Kingdom [ edit ]

Princess: I hope you enjoyed the trip. This is the Legitimacy Kingdom, the world power we belong to.

Kamijou: The protagonist side, huh? So I’m guessing it’s pretty bland but safe. Phew.

Frolaytia: People often think of us as a culture of royals and knights, but that’s not quite accurate. We are a union of the different royal families around the world, so we have more than just Western culture here. We include the golden city of the rainforest, a south seas dynasty known for hula, and more.

Kamijou: Ho ho? This is sounding more like the magic side to me.

Princess: Magic?

Heivia: Not sure what you mean by that, but bloodline is everything for us. Good deeds and valiant acts are passed down in the blood and bad deeds and crimes are inextricably tied to your blood. That’s how we look at things.

Kamijou: Well, Kamijou-san is feeling pretty tired, so I think I’ll take a seat on that bench over there.

Quenser: Hey, wait.

Kamijou: Hm?

Quenser: Red seats are for nobles, so commoners like us will be shot to death if we approach them. And when our filthy blood splatters on the bench, our surviving relatives will be fined for the cleanup. I guess that’s kind of like being hit by a train, really.

Kamijou: …

Quenser: Oh, or are you actually from some high class family? Then you should go to the Bloodline Agency and get your proof of registered genes.

Kamijou: What the hell!? This is getting weird fast!! Nobles and commoners? A Bloodline Agency? Proof of your genetics? So do they have all their people’s biological data on file? I guess I’m not one to talk since I grew up in Academy City, but aren’t you afraid of them analyzing your genome or something!?

Heivia: I’m more afraid of not being able to prove my bloodline. If you can’t prove who you are, you’re no better off than an unidentified corpse.

Kamijou: Stop scaring me!!

Frolaytia: So are you just bluffing? Then I would get away from that bench immediately. I’m not one to talk as a noble myself, but we don’t want some bored nitpicker to start throwing accusations around. Get charged with disrespect and they might even cut you down or shoot you on the spot. Kirisute gomen, as you might know it.

Kamijou: Why does the protagonist side have such a messed up system in place!? And why are you all talking about it like it isn’t crazy!?

Princess: Hmm, I doubt it will ever be changed. No matter what.

Kamijou: ?

Quenser: Because us puny commoners don’t have the right to vote. All the politics is handled by the nobles and royals, so you could wait 10 centuries and they’d never pass a law that doesn’t work in their favor. Ah ha ha.

Kamijou: I’ve had enough! This entire place is insane!!

3: Capitalist Corporations [ edit ]

Mariydi: Are you the defector from the Legitimacy Kingdom?

Kamijou: I have had it up to here with that place.

Mariydi: Yeah, they are a bunch of weirdos who follow fossilized old traditions and love cheese that smells like wet socks. You drew the short end of the stick ending up there. As a special deal, I am willing to give you as many 0-cent smiles and as much sympathy as you want.

Kamijou: If the protagonist side is that bad, I can’t imagine how messed up this entire world is.

Mariydi: That aside, how much do you have on you?

Kamijou: What?

Mariydi: You say you want to defect to the Capitalist Corporations, so I assume you come bearing a gift like a blank check or a large diamond. So hand it over already. For just a small service fee, I will convert it into our currency for you. To be clear, you would end up paying more at a professional money changer. I just want to cover my expenses.

Kamijou: Wait, wait, wait. What are you expecting from a simple high school boy, little girl? A check? A diamond? The only things in my wallet are a drug store point card and a sticker from the spring plate decoration festival.

Mariydi: A point card, huh? You plan on selling off your personal information? You do know that’s like the social equivalent of selling your organs, right?

Kamijou: I’m not doing that! What is with this money obsession!? But if that’s the name of the game, you’d better not underestimate Kamijou-san, king of the thrifty house-husbands!!

Mariydi: Thrifty, hm? Do you want to cry? Your rights are bought with cash, so now is not the time to be thrifty.

Kamijou: Okay, let’s figure out where this misunderstanding is coming from. First off, how is something a “right” if you have to pay for it!?

Mariydi: Hold on, I just had a thought. Could you look more closely at our world power’s name again?

Kamijou: Um, the Capitalist Corporations?

Mariydi: Exactly. Giant corporations and capitalists stand at the top of our power. You have no money? You can’t pay? You must be joking or you’re suicidal. Thriftiness is a rejection of economic activity and failing to pay your taxes is the same as selling off your rights. You’ll have the right to live stripped from you at this rate.

Kamijou: The right to live!? Surely I have a lot of other rights to go before getting there!?

Mariydi: What makes you think you have a right to speak if you won’t even pay your taxes? As long as you have money here, then bloodlines, history, and justice itself can be rewritten. But if you don’t? Well, that’s another story. There’s nothing fun about being one of the ones being rewritten.

Kamijou: …

Mariydi: Life can be bought, but that means your life is over if you can’t buy it. I honestly feel sorry for you. Well, come back after selling an organ or three. We’ll treat you like a human then. Good grief.

Kamijou: Are you kidding meeeeeeeee!?

4: Faith Organization [ edit ]

Kamijou: …

Putana: You come strutting across our border and ask to defect, but then you fall silent? You have some guts, but we are a merciful world power and we are willing to accept refugees. First the Legitimacy Kingdom and then the Capitalist Corporations? Looks like you saw more than one hell on your way here. But there is nothing more to worry about. Chance meetings like this are a blessing from god, after all.

Kamijou: Now this I recognize. I already have a very bad feeling about some of the things you’re saying here! Let me guess, this is the headquarters of the magic side and anyone without latent magical power is treated like they’re subhuman! Not again! I’ve had enough of these discriminatory systems!!

Putana: Magical power? What are you talking about?

Kamijou: And that makes me sad in a different way!

Putana: Well, I can’t say for sure none of our sects believe in that sort of thing, but for the most part, the Faith Organization is not about those occult and fantastical beliefs.

Kamijou: Hm? How do you have a religious group without having miraculous powers of the occult?

Putana: We are a collection of all who worship god. No matter what god that might be, we respect all who seek god’s love like we do.

Kamijou: Heh. So is it time for Kamijou-san to be an ass? If you respect any and all gods and religions, then will you accept me if I start my own Church of the Worldwide Sex Revolution? Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t. Ha ha!!

Putana: Actually, we would accept you just fine.

Kamijou: Why does everything here have to be so insane!?

Putana: Well, you are free to start your own church, but the Faith Organization includes all kinds of religions already. You just have to hope that none of those take issue with yours and annihilates you.

Kamijou: Wait, wait, wait!! We’re talking about annihilation already? What happened to respecting each other!?

Putana: We respect each other as much as our respective holy texts and precepts demand. I mean, if you believe your religion is the best, why would you ever follow the compromises listed on the pamphlet?

Kamijou: U-um? I’m a little confused. I thought you were a big group of friends called the Faith Organization.

Putana: Ah ha ha. If we didn’t have a common enemy, we’d be at each other’s throats in the blink of an eye. That’s why we always have to search out a convenient enemy to preserve the organization. Because if we don’t find one, we’ll be accusing each of other of being witches.

Kamijou: Is there nowhere here that’s safe!?

5: Information Alliance [ edit ]

Oh Ho Ho: Welcome to this planet’s final utopia, the Information Alliance. We more or less know how you ended up here. Oh ho ho.

Kamijou: Just give it to me straight. What am I dealing with here?

Lendy: Kamijou Touma. Sex: Male. Age: 15. Oh, an early birthday. A first year at a public high school, not part of any clubs, no part-time job, and your ideal wife is a dorm manager? Hee hee.

Kamijou: Wh-what!? Where did you get all my personal information!? Especially that part about the dorm manager! And why does it feel so weird for someone who looks like they fit the part to find out that’s my strike zone!?

Oh Ho Ho: Heh. As the name suggests, the Information Alliance places a lot of weight on the value of data. When you’re a celebrity like me, you can access as much information as you want.

Lendy: Those at the top can do insider trading and we can spread rumors to manipulate the stock market, so there’s no dragging us down for a millennium to come. Besides, if you need money, you can just spread rumors of buried treasure or a sunken ship to gain near unlimited amounts of capital. Trust is one form of weapon, after all.

Kamijou: This place is corrupt as hell! This entire world is awful!

Oh Ho Ho: Of course, those without much information will never find any way to rise up.

Lendy: Their access to information is restricted, so they probably don’t even realize how badly they’re losing. On paper, they’re a celebrity known by billions of people! Peh heh heh. In a way, that imaginary society may be the happiest place for them. Ah ha ha ha!!

Oh Ho Ho: The fools even believe the results of the digital physical exams they have run. Oh ho ho.

Lendy: I can’t believe anyone is dumb enough to hook their health devices up to the internet.

Oh Ho Ho: Well, we’re talking about the people shameless enough to hook their toilet up to the cloud and call it the beginning of a new age, so they may never understand what they’re missing. They use big data in all the wrong ways.

Lendy: Makes you wonder how they think they live in a privileged society when those at the top are taking sampling data of their assholes. Hee hee.

Kamijou: No! This is so crazy I don’t even know where to begin!! I don’t want to hear a single word more! I can’t take it anymore!!

Lendy: Oh? Then you’ll have to pay us some money.

Oh Ho Ho: In this day and age, the right to not know some things can be bought and sold. Oh ho ho.

6: The Conclusion [ edit ]

Kamijou: What the hell!? I went to all of them, but the Legitimacy Kingdom, the Capitalist Corporations, the Faith Organization, and the Information Alliance were all insane! There’s not a single normal person here! I’ve had enough! There’s no place for Kamijou-san in this crazy world!!

Princess: I’m honestly not sure what is bothering him so much.

Oh Ho Ho: If this is such a big deal, then you must have come from quite the utopia. Oh ho ho.

Kamijou: I didn’t come from anywhere weird. Just a normal place.

Mariydi: A normal place? Oh, you mean where shells are flying around the clock and you get into fistfights in the trenches with a shovel in hand. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Nothing weird about that.

Kamijou: That’s not at all what I mean! What does that even have to do with near-future action? Why is a fighter pilot swinging a shovel around in a trench!? Besides, Academy City doesn’t have any trenches!!

Putana: Then what kind of place is it?

Kamijou: There is no war there.

Frolaytia: Tch. Sounds boring.

Kamijou: It’s a city made up of countless schools. All the students stay in dorms, so we’re all away from our parents.

Quenser: That only sounds like paradise for the first week. Living away from your parents at school comes with lots of problems.

Kamijou: And they research esper powers there.

Princess: …

Kamijou: Sometimes you’ll bump into the #1 who can kill you with a single touch, 20,000 identical clones are walking around, magicians get in with shocking ease, the tension between the magic side and science side only continues to grow, World War Three broke out not too long ago, and the world was blown away hundreds of millions of times because Othinus was feeling a little feisty. To sum up, a peaceful and easygoing world. So very peaceful.

Quenser & Heivia: That settles it! Your world is way crazier than ours!!



