Mickie Pongpop | Just effort is not enough in the competition of life Gift Follow Oct 1, 2018 · 14 min read

Original interview by Wichai Sawangpongkasem and ‘a day BULLETIN’: https://adaybulletin.com/talk-conversation-mickie-dallas-fuel/21305

Translated by Giftshinku, Edited by Misaeng

‘Life is a competition’ is a metaphor that says we are all racing to the finish but there are not enough rewards at the end for everyone. Sometimes we win, but sometimes we don’t and no one can understand this feeling like people who compete everyday for their jobs.

No matter how Thai society sees eSports, competitive gaming is still the job of ‘Mick’ — Pongpop “Mickie” Rattanasantchod — the Thai player of American Overwatch League team Dallas Fuel. He gets a good salary in exchange for pressure and lost youth spent in intense practice in a country that is far from home.

“It’s not pressure about winning or losing, but it’s pressure that someone can replace us anytime. Because this kind of job.. all competitive jobs in this world, there are always people who are better than us and ready to replace us anytime. It’s only a matter of time.”

‘a day BULLETIN’ was intrigued by a life that faces competition with constant threat of replacement.. In competitive life, what makes a ‘winner’?

We play videogames for fun and relaxation but are videogames still fun for you?

Mickie: Actually, it wasn’t entertaining for me even before I became an eSports player. Around my 3rd or 4th year of university, I began to feel so-so about playing games. In contrast, before if I didn’t play, I would feel something missing. On the other hand, I love to hang out with friends. But as we grow up more, we have to work. Even though we play sometimes, playing a game alone is boring. When I became a pro who has to play all day, playing games stopped being for fun.

Gaming became another source of pressure. It’s not pressure about winning or losing, but it’s pressure that someone can replace us any time. Because this kind of job.. all competitive jobs in this world, there are always people who are better than us and ready to replace us anytime. It’s only a matter of time. Every year, there will be someone in our team who leaves.. what’s about this year? Will it be our turn? That is the pressure. But no matter what happens, I always do my best so I won’t regret what I didn’t do when I look back. So I’m satisfied nowadays.

If I’m not wrong, is the reason that you were chosen to join Team EnVyUs your personality?

Mickie: Yes, because the period to qualify with my performance was short. They didn’t know me when they invited me then. I only played against them at the World Cup, which is a really short period, only 3 matches max. This period can’t show much but it can show my personality through my stage performance, my interaction with teammates and with them. Actually I spoke less than 10 sentences to them, because my English was so poor. But they noticed that I’m a talkative person and always cheer my team up.

So what is your real personality? Is it like what we see on the stage?

Mickie: It’s hard to see myself. It depends on how other people see me. If they see my good sides, they will say I’m good. But if they see only my bad sides, they will say I’m bad. Some say I look happy, joyful and funny, but I also have moments that are not funny or joyful. Sometimes I think seriously about my life, thinking of my future and family. But overall I don’t like to make the people surrounding me feel bad, so that might be the reason that I have to be joyful like this.

Do you feel that being a full-time eSports player is a stable job with stable salary?

Mickie: I never thought I have a stable job; no jobs are stable for me. I didn’t think that I would be an eSports player. Truthfully, no jobs are stable in this world. Company employees can be laid off. Accidents can also kill us. Everything is risky in this world. If someone says ‘why don’t you be a doctor and have a stable job and high salary’, I don’t believe it. What if you got injured and lost your hands, can you still be a doctor? I never thought anything in this world is stable.

At least you got a job and became well-known internationally.

Mickie: Umm.. but you have to sacrifice something. I can’t stay with my family. I can’t meet my friends. I have to face pressure when I am there and can’t consult anyone. Sometimes I have a moment when I’ve had enough and I want to go back home… Sometimes I think how long can I do this job, because this is a competition with yourself. You have to fight all the time. Statistics can show you everything. How many hours do you play? How many hours do you practice? Did you improve at all each week? And it will be reflected every week on the stage. You can’t stop. You can’t fall.

In the first season, I lost often. I wanted to go back home. I missed my family. I missed my friends. I missed my teenage life. I missed the holidays when I went to the beach and we had fun, playing together and sharing our experiences. I missed it. If I come back when I am 30 years old, I can’t call myself young anymore. Even though I should spend time traveling with my friends, I have to play games in the US. But I feel (sigh) that the rewards are really worth it. (smile)

Actually, I have a rough plan. I only want to be like this for 3 years and my first year has passed. I have only 2 years left. But if my salary can get higher, I will stay. Actually it’s already higher than I expected, so let me set a target. If I can make 100 million THB per year or 3 million USD, ok.. I will stay if I can reach that, but it’s really hard to reach that goal in 3 years. If I can’t get that goal, I will stop at around a few hundred thousand US dollars per year, which is around a million THB per month. I will come back to Thailand and maybe do a business. [t/n: he’s saying he wants to return home after that time, so he’s just throwing out a number that would make him stay]

I thought we would talk about your passion for games. But your answers made us surprised that your final goal is money.

Mickie: Actually I don’t want to be a rich guy, but I want to be a person who can get everything that he wants. Does it sound contradictory? It sounds like I’m saying I want to have a private jet.. I want to have a big house.. I want to have housemaids.. I want to have the best car.. I want to have the best everything.. but I don’t want to be a rich guy: it sounds difficult. I want to get more than everyone. If humans invent new technologies, I want to be one of the people who can access it. Imagine that flying cars are possible one day, I want to have that car and the price must be huge. But I don’t care about money, I just want to get that car. If humans can make an air conditioner or a boiler, I would like to use it all. That’s what I thought. I want to use technologies.

I want to have a helicopter, I want to ride it. I want to see how a helicopter lands. I don’t want to be rich, I just want to know how it feels. One day I will get bored of it, but I just want to reach that point. I feel why can’t we use it when they already invented it.. Why is money the determiner? If money is the determiner, I need to have it.

I’m not addicted to expensive things. I just want to know how it feels when I have them. Why don’t I have the right to use them? When I take a plane, why do I have to stay in economy class? Why do I have to sit in crowded seats? Why can’t I get a comfortable seat too? Because it’s the privilege for people who have enough money. So.. ok.. if people think money is important, I have to make it. Maybe it sounds so childish? If someone thinks it’s ok.. since at least we’re going to the same destination, if they are content with it, I’m also ok with them. I think being satisfied with what we have is good. I always think that if I can’t be here.. if I don’t have a high salary.. If today I don’t have a house and car, I can spend my life satisfied with what I have. I really am satisfied with everything I have, but I always look towards a better future.

Did you ever have a hard time when your family was struggling?

Mickie: In that time, my grandpa, who was the owner of the business, got sick and was in a coma. All the savings had to be spent on his care for 7 whole years. Then, my dad passed away. My grandma, who looked after grandpa, couldn’t work. My mom had been a housewife all her life. She had never ever worked. Our two pillars of strength passed away in a short time. It was a low point in my life. The reason I played games in that time was because my mom left me there while she worked. At least, games were not a bad thing. There are many things that are worse than games. Also she could ask the shop owner to watch me and saw me while she had breaks. She had no choice because no one could take care of me.

I don’t recommend sending children to the PC bang. That’s not how it works. If I didn’t try something, if I couldn’t find it, if I spent my whole life in a bad PC bang.. I wouldn’t be me today. But it was because I was looking for a better future. If you ask me if I’m different from others I would say I’m like other people. I’m not a black sheep. If I found something that’s better and makes my life better, I will go for it. For me, games are games. It was just there.

“Games never destroyed anyone. Games never made anyone’s life bad. And games never made anyone’s life good. Everything, it depends on the player. Games didn’t bring me this far. It’s me, I use games as a tool.”



I was wondering about people who are great at games, do they have a habit of having to win?

Mickie: I think having to win is personal. For example, if someone plays the game Flappy Bird. It’s only press and jump. Someone can get a high score 100 times. Other people might say ‘Ah.. I can’t do that. Getting only 10 or 20 is good enough’. For me, whatever I play, I love to improve. It’s my own habit, which I think is individual. In my friends, there are 3–4 friends that have the same habit as me. When there is an easy game released, we always fight for the highest score. Everyone tries to be the highest ranked. I also try to find the way to contend. Everyone also fights and shares [strategies] together. Finally, the best of us became the best of the country.

When it comes to studying, I was not an excellent student. I was bad at studying until grade 10. In 10th grade, I don’t know what made me get fired up. I was suddenly thinking about my future and realized I have to study hard if I want to go to the popular university. I had a math exam during that time. I had 50 minutes for it. My friend walked out after the first 5 minutes, but he got a perfect score. I thought it should not be like that. How did he do it? I wanted to be like that. It’s awesome. So I asked him how he did it. He said he always studied everything. He did extra studying and extra practice. So I did it too. I studied till 8 pm every day and practiced. When I had an exam, I challenged my friend to 20 math questions in 5 minutes.

How do you feel when you lose?

Mickie: I think losing is a natural thing. Losing can give us an experience. Losing can help us win in the future. Like the scientist who made the electric light bulb, he learned how to fail more than 1,000 times. I said ‘I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.’ I think it is very good.

Some say this. But when we play a game and lose, even a game that is not significant in life.. we even get angry and feel like loss is not normal.. That there is something wrong.

I am also like that. I feel.. why did we lose.. even though we tried harder, it hurts more.. even though we did 100%, when we lose.. it makes me more upset.. but we have to accept that the opponent is better than us. They did better and made fewer mistakes. This was a fact that happened. We can’t change anything because they prepared well. I use religion to heal myself. When we can’t change anything, then.. maybe God wants it to happen. (laugh) When it can’t be changed, I also don’t know how to solve it.

If someone tells you ‘I already did my best. I still can’t be good.’ what would you say?

Mickie: I always say words to encourage them, but it’s true, everyone has their own ceiling. Not everyone can be like someone else. I believe that I can play football, but I can’t be like Cristiano Ronaldo. Because I have a ceiling and I don’t have that kind of ability. I don’t believe that God made us too great only one part. I believe that childhood, environment, and family that took care of us are factors that make us special in whichever way.

Why do I play videogames well? Because my mom let me play games since I started to play at 2 years old. I’ve loved to win since I played with my cousin at home. It made me like this. My mom loved bringing me to participate in challenge contests like on Children’s Day, it taught me that if you have the courage to join the challenge, you will be rewarded. Everything in my childhood molded me to be me in the present. I never believed that I was born with gifted skill. I was not. I was made by my mom, my family and everyone surrounding me since I was a boy.

Have you ever found your ceiling?

Mickie: Of course, for example in gaming, easy example, shooting requires accuracy. You need to aim for the target with the mouse. If we think of the game, you aim the target at the opponent’s head and then click. If we think of our body, the mouse is in our hand. We have to move it to get the perfect range. How many millimeters? Our brain needs to control it to be in which millimeters and needs to stop in which millimeters. I can’t control it better than someone who has more agility than me. I can’t reach that far. Say it needs to move to the left by 7 mm, someone can do but I can’t do 7 mm perfectly. I might do 6 or 8 with a range of +/- 1 mm. But he can do it in range +/- 0.5 mm, while world class gunners only have a range less than +/- 0.5 mm. That is a physical limitation.

Can practicing hard help us overcome physical limitations?

Mickie: Yes, it can. But you know that the range between numbers is infinity. I might improve by about 0.0001 mm. But it can’t reach more than 0.05 in one life. If I can reach this, maybe I died first. (Laugh) So I call it a limit. Because as it approaches infinity, our improvement becomes slow and slower.

I’ve played DoTA since I was in 6th grade. My skill improved dramatically when I was in grade 8 but people who started playing alongside me in grade 6, they weren’t good. When I came back to play with them as a freshman about 5 years later, my friend who played every day was about as good as I was in 8th grade, but I had already gone higher. So I feel that actually it doesn’t have a cap. I define limit as slow improvement. If people beside us who are competitive practice together and can’t reach another’s skill level, I call that a dead end. Because there are challengers, all competitions have challengers.

So say I play Overwatch and improve 1 unit, and meanwhile other people in Overwatch have improved 2 units. I think I already reached a dead end. Because I can’t reach their skill. They can get 2 units in one day while I get 1 unit. One month later, how much will he improve? I might be better but he will be even better than me.

So we still can’t beat the final boss [t/n: the one who improves faster], even if we are good enough to reach the final?

Mickie: I think so. If he reaches the top, that will be our day. I’m confident that our day will come. [t/n: Mickie is saying that if the one who improves more slowly can reach the top tier, then it is possible to win]

If that day won’t come?

Mickie: Opportunity 50, Skill 50. It means that opportunity has not come yet. In reality, the number one is under a lot of pressure. I respect everyone who can be number one for a long time. For example, 5 championships, how is it possible?

Valentino Rossi, the many time motorcycle racing champion.. Michael Phelps, the swimmer who won many times.. Tiger Woods at his peak.. I don’t get how they did it. Because everyone will study the one in first place to defeat him.

Floyd Mayweather Jr, the boxer who was undefeated in 50 matches.. How? Every time that he goes up to fight, his opponents have already studied him completely: he loves to do this.. he will punch like this.. he will hide like this.. but how come no one can beat him? I don’t understand. This is the question that I haven’t found the answer to. So I try to think how can I be like that? What do they do that makes them undefeatable or do they think differently from other people.. I believe they will lose some day, but they stop before that day comes. Like Tiger Woods, you can see that. But Floyd won 50 matches and retired. Left the throne to be legendary.



I think that was good. Because it’s impossible to stay forever. It’s impossible. When Bill Gates was the richest man in the world, if he could lock his name and be a legend, maybe he would. Because he knows there will be someone passing him one day. Now Amazon is the number one online retailer in the world. And someone will surpass it one day. Something like that. It’s impossible to be number one forever. So if I can give any advice for the people who never were first place, I would say.. number one.. they will fall one day. When the time comes, are you ready to be number one? So if it was me, I will stay and be ready for when it comes.