After a string of scrappy, self-released EPs, last June SZA dropped her first major-label album, the alt-R&B record Ctrl. It’s all twentysomething angst and insecurities, stunningly rendered in the St. Louis–born and New Jersey–raised singer’s four-octave range, with a heart of neo-soul and pop—part Erykah Badu, a dash of Björk. Just six months after its release, SZA had unanimous praise, a video directed by Solange, a track with Kendrick Lamar for Black Panther. She even killed it on SNL. If the charts didn’t already prove SZA was a star, the five Grammy nominations—including Best New Artist—solidified it.

Then she was shut out for every single award.

After losing, SZA was frustrated, “mad as hell.” The Internet was pissed off on her behalf, especially because she lost Best New Artist to Alessia Cara. The reaction, meant to defend SZA, only made her feel worse about the whole thing. “You feel like you’re really falling short and you fucking failed [your fans],” she says. A month out, she’s still getting over it. The experience was humbling, and now she’s just grateful that her ego is back in check. After all, SZA didn’t make Ctrl for the Grammys. For her, “this is something much bigger than me and a fucking trophy.” She’s just being honest.

GQ called SZA to ask how she’s holding up.

GQ: You said your Grammy nominations were the most surreal thing that’s happened to you in your career, so tell me about your first experience. You brought your mom and grandmother to the ceremony, which was really sweet.

SZA: Definitely surviving the red carpet was wild. Like, standing still, not flinching and making weird faces.

Did you guys party afterwards?

No, we definitely went back [to the hotel]. I smoked a bunch of blunts, showed Granny the penthouse I was staying in. My mom hung for a bit and then she went to bed! So that was cool.

People were pretty up in arms that you weren’t the biggest winner of the night. How did you feel coming out of that?

I felt a shift. Like, I came a really long-ass way. I didn’t imagine this album doing much anyway. I was so grateful to even have been honored by being nominated and having so many people fuck with my music. I feel like at some point you start to get sucked up into the accolades and you’re like, Oh, this is what this is about, and this is what quantifies my success or me as an artist or a human being.