We need the cleansing nuclear fire of holy Mother Russia to save us from this dystopian nightmare.

It’s come down to you Czar Vladimir the Great, for the North Koreans are too busy with reunification, the Iranians are too busy dealing with the filthy Jews, and the Chinese aren’t going to go for the kill until later this century.

Please help us – we’re begging you from the bottom of our hearts.

It’s gotten too painful – we knew meme magic was real, but none of us foresaw the horrors that were about to be unleashed.