Hulk, the massive muscular green hunk of a thing, sits lazily in a hot tub as steam rises around him. He is sitting, half in the shadow with his breasts catching the light as Thor looks on. He stands up to reveal the full image: an almost embarrassingly hot, gigantic green man fully nude.

Hulk is a monster no doubt, violent and prone to uncontrollable bouts of rage. He is a superhero, but one that is to be aimed like a weapon rather than explored as a character. The new MCU has cast Bruce Banner has a featured extra in most of the Avengers flicks but Hulk’s monstrosity is characterized as something Banner has pretty much come to terms with already. Really, the Hulk is a sexy plot device.

It’s easy to see why the LGBTQ community has crowned Hulk as a sex icon. He’s beastly, but just barely. He’s a big bimbo of a man and transforms back into Mark Ruffalo when he’s tired of being horny. He’s almost the picture perfect image of a hyper-sexy man if it weren’t for his green skin. Plus, they gave him that trade-looking-ass haircut in Ragnarok so, like. C’mon.

That brings us to Shrek. Really, there’s quite a lot of similarities between Shrek & Hulk, but the framing of their entrances in Shrek (2001) and in Thor: Ragnarok (2017) are quite different. Where Hulk is first introduced in a gladiator fight as a bloodthirsty barbarian/sexy jacuzzi guy, Shrek is framed as disgusting in his introduction. The movie opens with Shrek bursting out of an outhouse, brushing his teeth with slime, and flatulating in a small pond, an act that kills several indigenous fish.

But despite Shrek’s tendency towards the gross, he is still loved by his friends & by his romantic interest Fiona because of this monstrosity. It’s the fact that he’s unmoored by the social trappings of aristocracy, that he does whatever he wants, and that he has a chivalrous heart underneath his prickly facade that makes him likeable. Shrek is shunned because he looks different than everyone else and decides that he may as well play the role of the monster if he is going to be assigned that role. This, I think, would be something that many queer people could relate to but by and large I think Shrek is not seen as a gay icon. Rather, he is seen as more of a punchline, maybe even a paragon of heterosexuality.

In The Babadook: how the horror movie monster became a gay icon, Elle Hunt records the Babadook’s rise from a throwaway joke to true gay icon. The Gays(™) saw something of themselves in the Babadook, a character that embodied mental illness and depression, a monster whose family tries to hide it away. It doesn’t take a media studies professor to see why some of society’s least valued citizens identify with the Babadook and the rest of the aliens, mutants, monsters, vampires that we see across media.

In Why We’re So Obsessed with Sexy Monsters, Carli Velocci recalls the sympathetic monsters that predate the Asset from Shape of Water: Frankenstein’s monster & the creature from the Black Lagoon. All of which are creatures who did not choose their circumstance and who are curious about their humanity, romance, and life at large. Yet, these earnest creatures are shunned, feared, and ostracized because of the things that make them different, they are punished for pursuing romantic relationships. Shrek is just another character in a long lineage of sympathetic monsters. And while Frankenstein’s monster paved the way for Dr. Frank N. Furter’s sexy monster named Rocky and the Creature from the Black Lagoon gave way to the Asset, Shrek does not have as many horny fanfiction writers creating new IPs to fulfill their ogre fantasy.

Why isn’t Shrek sexy?

“Well, duh, of course the Hulk is sexy, he’s got like, crazy abs and a huge dick probably. If Shrek had abs and looked less monstrous, we’d wanna fuck him too” you say.

I counter you this: everyone thinks the Grinch is sexy and he is possibly the most monstrous looking creature of all the green monster men. The editors of the Cut gathered around and discussed the hotness of the Grinch. People on Twitter are also, losing their horny minds for that evil little man.

The Grinch, in many ways mirrors Shrek’s story arc. Both are hermits who hate the humans who live near them. They are accompanied by a dog-like creature on their quest to get rid of the humans/make the humans miserable. On their quest, they find that they have the capacity to love and that they have a want/need to build meaningful relationships. They key difference between the Grinch and Shrek is their appearance.

Then there’s Bowser, the green Kappa King. He pushes the boundaries of a humanoid silhouette to the edge and besides looks the most like a monster out of the rest. He’s large and demonic, almost unequivocally evil in terms of his characterization with very little space for sympathy. Yet we have attached ourselves to Bowser as a sexy gay icon. Is it because he goes so far over the line between monster & human that we find him sexy?