Falcons are a protected species in the United States, but over in India they actually have an annual two-week falcon hunt where thousands upon thousands of falcons are massacred each year. It was on a pilgrimage to the Taj Mahal that Will Fuller developed a taste, or rather an addiction, to these beautiful birds of prey. So when the Falcons glided into Houston on Sunday, they never stood a chance against the bloodthirsty Fuller as he went off for 217 yards on 14 catches with his first 3 touchdowns of the season. The Texans wide receiver will now go into hiding for several weeks as the authorities attempt to track him down in the wake of his foul treatment of the fowl. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy football:

Deshaun Watson – 28/33 for 426 yards, 4 rushes for 47 yards and 5 touchdowns—11 TDs on the season now. Watson assisted Fuller in his crimes against the endangered species.

Carlos Hyde – 21 carries for 60 yards and his 2nd touchdown. Carlos has been playing Hyde the chorizo with Duke Johnson (9 carries for 59 yards and 1 catch for 8 yards) and I’m thinking it’s only a matter of time before Johnson finds himself a bigger helping.

Darren Fells – 2 catches for 20 yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns. We need to start building glossary terms for fantasy football. Looking for suggestions for a tight end who catches multiple touchdowns in a week, but you still have no interest in picking them up.

Devonta Freeman – 11 carries for 30 yards, 5 catches for 40 yards and his 1st touchdown. If you’re a Devonta owner, take this opportunity to shop him around. See if you can package him with a spare piece for a back-end RB1. But don’t give him away for free, man.

Calvin Ridley – 5 catches for 88 yards and his 3rd touchdown. I’m not sure if that noise was a buy-low window slamming shut or a donkey trap. People don’t realize donkey poaching is a big problem these days.

Christian McCaffrey – 19 carries for 176 yards, 6 catches for 61 yards and his 5th, 6th and 7th touchdowns. CMC made a great case for the lede, but Jaguar massacres are even sadder than falcon massacres so he missed out. Pigskinonator had McCaffrey pegged as it’s top fantasy running back for week 5. Nailed it. That’s one hot robot!

Reggie Bonnafon – 5 carries for 80 yards. Look no further if you wanna handcuff McCaffrey. I mean, if you’re into that kinda kinky stuff.

Leonard Fournette – 23 carries for 108 yards, 4 catches for 29 yards and his 1st touchdown. The Leo buy-low window was closed last week and sealed with plastic this week. If there’s one running back you want to handcuff, it’s Fournette—Ryquell Armstead (1 carry for -1 yard and 1 catch for 7 yards) is your huckleberry.

D.J. Chark – 8 catches for 168 yards and his 4th and 5th touchdowns. Chark attack! Charknado would have touchdowns in every game this year if it weren’t for a holding call last week. Uncle Rico loves Chark.

Sony Michel – 16 carries for 91 yards, 3 catches for 32 yards and his 3rd touchdown. Serious question, who will finish the season with more touchdowns: Sony Michel or Brandon Bolden (5 carries for 13 yards, 1 catch for 29 yards and his 2nd touchdown)?

Julian Edelman – 8 catches for 110 yards and his 2nd touchdown. Antonio Browns and Josh Gordons will come and go, but Edelman will always have a room in the Brady’s basement.

Tyler Boyd – 10 catches for 123 yards and his 1st touchdown. Another buy-low window closes as winter draws nearer. I’m banking on Boyd to heat my entire house this holiday season.

Auden Tate – 3 catches for 26 yards and his 1st touchdown. I went over the 7th round sophomore out of Florida State in my RazzBowl Revelations post this week. What’s The RazzBowl you ask? Check it out here and sign up for next year’s RazzBowl here.

Kyler Murray – 20/32 for 253 yards, 10 carries for 93 yards and his 2nd rushing touchdown. Not bad for a running back, eh Lamar Jackson?

Chase Edmonds – 8 carries for 68 yards, 3 catches for 18 yards and his 1st touchdown. Kingsbury said he had big plans for Edmonds this year, then proceeded to give him the ball 14 times over the first four weeks. Liar! Maybe this is a sign of things to come. Either way, Edmonds will be a hot commodity if David Johnson (17 carries for 91 yards and 3 catches for 65 yards) goes down—knock on. . . Johnson.

Derrick Henry – 20 carries for 78 yards and his 5th touchdown. I never thought Henry would be a first round running back, but alas, here we are. RIP Dion Lewis (2 carries for 11 yards and 2 catches for 19 yards).

Adam Thielen – 7 catches for 130 yards and his 4th and 5th touchdowns. I guess the squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease? Please advise, Stefon Diggs (3 catches for 44 yards).

Darius Slayton – 4 catches for 62 yards and his 1st career touchdown. We discussed the 5th round rookie on our podcast back in June. Daniel Jones (21/38 for 182 yards, 3 carries for 12 yards and a touchdown) has targeted him 12 times in his 3 starts, so that’s something.

Michael Thomas – 11 catches for 182 yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns as he faced off against Chris Godwin (7 catches for 125 yards and his 5th and 6th touchdowns) in this one. There’s a decent chance these two are your #1 and #2 fantasy wide receivers at season’s end. They’re 17 Week Player Ranker’s #2 and #8 WRs respectively for the rest of the season.

Peyton Barber – 8 carries for 32 yards and his 3rd touchdown. The will they, won’t they between Barber and Ronald Jones (9 carries for 35 yards, 2 catches for 21 yards) is becoming more of a nightmare than a visit to see Peyton Scissorhands Barber.

Josh Jacobs – 26 carries for 123 yards, 3 catches for 20 yards and his 3rd and 4th touchdowns. You guessed it: the Jacobs buy-low window has slid shut and is now boarded up after this beautiful game against a tough Bears D. Although, Da Bears seemed a bit jet lagged from their flight over to The Old Smoke.

Jared Cook – 4 catches for 41 yards and his 1st touchdown. Oh, hey Jared Cook. Nice of you to show up to the season!

Allen Robinson – 7 catches for 97 yards and his 1st and 2nd touchdowns. Da Bears were in hibernation for the entire first half and Robinson was more or less the only Bear to be roused from the slumber.

David Montgomery – 11 carries for 25 yards, 1 catch for 11 yards and his 2nd touchdown. The Queen doesn’t appreciate the Full Monty, bring him home.

Jordan Howard – 13 catches for 62 yards and his 5th touchdown. There’s a sell widow here but it won’t stay open forever as the electric rookie Miles Sanders (9 carries for 15 yards and 4 catches for 49 yards) lurks outside. I thought this was a safe neighborhood!

Mason Rudolph – 13/20 for 131 yards and a touchdown before being knocked out cold, literally. It was a scary scene as Rudolph was unconscious before he even hit the ground. It’s not funny—but it’s kinda funny—Rudolph was forced to walk off the field under his own power because the cart they brought out to take him away broke down. Can’t make this stuff up. Rudolph will miss a couple weeks and Devlin Hodges (7/9 for 68 yards and 2 carries for 20 yards) is the superflex add.

JuJu Smith-Schuster – 7 catches for 75 yards and his 2nd touchdown. Just when JJSS was starting to develop some chemistry with his new QB, Rudolph goes down like a Mike Tyson opponent minus the ear thing; Or would it be plus the ear thing? Either way, this might not be JuJu’s year.

Marquise Brown – 3 catches for 22 yards and his 3rd touchdown. AB’s cousin needs to bring a little more drama to his game if he’s going to live up to the family name.

Mark Ingram – 19 carries for 44 yards and his 6th touchdown as he was out-gained by the Raven’s other running back, Lamar Jackson (19/28 for 161 yards, 14 carries for 70 yards and a passing touchdown).

Phillip Lindsay – 15 carries for 114 yards, 4 catches for 33 yards and his 3rd touchdown. Lindsay seems to be pulling away from Royce Freeman (13 carries for 61 yards and 2 catches for 6 yards) as the lead back in Denver once again. Two Broncos, but only one stallion.

Courtland Sutton – 4 catches for 92 yards and his 3rd touchdown. All three of his touchdowns have come in the past two weeks. 70 of his 92 yards this week did come on his first quarter touchdown catch, but there’s a chance the second year wide out is maturing into a superstar before our eyes.

Melvin Gordon – 12 carries for 31 yards and 4 catches for 7 yards in his return from the holdout. Maybe Melly should’ve taken a few more weeks off? I’d sell Gordon right now if a league-mate is willing to give a top 20ish player for him. Not sure how this holdout will affect him, and Austin Ekeler (3 carries for 7 yards and 15 catches for 86 yards) has more than earned a consistent role.

Mike Williams – 6 catches for 74 yards. Did you think I was done talking windows? Not so fast! Williams was targeted 13 times in this game and looks fully healthy, maybe for the first time this season. The owner in your league probably isn’t enamored with the 231 yards and zero touchdowns he’s put up so far. Poke your paw thru that buy-low window and see what you find.

Aaron Jones – 19 carries for 107 yards, 7 catches for 75 yards and his 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th touchdowns. There’s a new A-A-Ron in town, take a hike Rodgers! I’ll be honest, I started writing this before Jones’s monstrous game was complete which is why he wasn’t the lede. Sue me. I’m a donkey, you think I have money?

Ezekiel Elliott – 12 carries for 62 yards, 2 catches for 29 yards and his 4th touchdown. Can anyone explain why Zeke is always asking people to feed him? He just signed a 90 million dollar contract, can’t the guy afford to feed himself!

Amari Cooper – 11 catches for 226 yards and his 5th touchdown as Michael Gallup (7 catches for 113 yards and his 1st touchdown) returned from his two week absence taking a little coverage heat off Cooper. Amari is suddenly in the conversation for #1 overall fantasy wide receiver thru 5 weeks, and he looks like a steal at his 3rd round NFFC ADP.

Marlon Mack – 29 carries for 132 yards and 3 catches for 16 yards. There was talk of Mack missing this game but instead the Colts gave him the most touches he’s received all season by a wide margin. Things that make you go hmmmm.

Patrick Mahomes – 22/39 for 321 yards, 3 carries for 17 yards and his 12th passing touchdown but his only touchdown in the past two weeks. There seems to be some sort of glitch in the matrix. Ahhhhhh why does everyone suddenly look like Sean McVay? Mahomes also has a sore ankle now too. Assemble prayer hexagon!

Byron Pringle – 6 catches for 103 yards and his 1st career touchdown. Pringle saw a total of two targets in the previous 4 games but who knows, this could be a case of once you pop you can’t stop. Make sure to grab him in deeper leagues.

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Find Donkey Teeth on Twitter. Subscribe to his podcast: The Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast on Itunes, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts