HUMBER’S METHOD









So you’ve probably clicked on this because you are searching how to fix a problem you have with yourself. It’s affecting your life but you don’t know how to stop it. Worry not for I have a solution. The steps outlined in this document will lead you to succeed. If you actually make an effort to do everything listed then, I am 100% confident that you will overcome your issue.





PART ONE – Internal Hurdles





Recognize that the reason you care about what people think about you stems from insecurity and a fear of rejection. Everyone has their insecurities but not everyone is ruled by them. By this I mean not everyone changes the way they act when around people. You may fear that you are boring, weird, or awkward but worrying about these things to the point that they affect the way you interact with others is irrational. Perhaps you have created a sort of persona; a character that you present to others to hide the real you. This is because on a very deep level you are afraid the real you being hurt/rejected. This may have happened in the past and subconsciously your brain is trying to avoid that feeling again, and so puts up a front so that, if your are rejected, then it is the persona that is being rejected rather than the real you.



Here's the thing about that...





I have a friend who is a full on adult who likes barbies and only watches children’s t.v. shows. Pretty weird right? VERY f&@king weird… but she owns it. She has no shame about it. This same girl is one of the loveliest people I know and is a social genius. Her abnormality doesn't affect her life. She’s that person that’s always being invited to parties and that seems to know everyone. The reason I’m mentioning her is because she is the epitome of a self-accepting/ self-loving person. Yes, there are people who don’t like her and find her strange, but those people don’t matter to her.





So how do you, someone who cares what people think, get to this point? You’re going to have to change the way you view yourself and the way you think, which is gonna take some work.





Self-compassion, Self-acceptance, and Self-improvement





1. A) Get out a piece of paper and write out a list of every insecurity you have that comes to mind (When I did this I had a HUGE list by the way). Literally write down every negative conception you have about yourself ex: “my ears are too big.” “I’m not funny” “I’m not smart.” “women don’t find me attractive.” “People don’t like talking to me” Whatever you might be insecure about write it down. They might not all come to you at first but write them down when you do remember. Just doing this alone makes a lot of people feel better.





2. B) Try to remember where each negative conception first came about (I would strongly suggest doing this through meditation). Once you try to pin point an event in your life or comment made by someone which resulted in the creation of that insecurity, you should recognize that they are totally unfounded and that you are NOT DEFINED by them.





3. Acknowledging that you are not defined by them is not enough. It needs to be truly internalized and become a belief. To do this, create a mantra/creed specific to you're insecurities. Side note: it is likely that the creed will change over time but here is an example of what it might look like.





I am not defined by my past and I accept my past. I am not defined by what others think of me. I am not afraid to fail or be rejected. I am not going to think of myself as lesser or superior to others. I fully accept all facets of my existence. I am going to be myself, be positive, and try my hardest because I’m awesome!

Memorize this, repeat it while meditating (side note: meditation is a great tool to helping you overcome yourself), repeat it when not mediating, repeat when you wake up in the morning and before going to bed. As a result of doing this so much, the words will be engraved into your memory and subconscious, making you truly acknowledge the truth within them.





Once you have done the above, then you should practice self-compassion/self-acceptance. Look, I’m not trying to make this thing 18 thousand words long so I’m providing a link which explains ways in which you can practice self compassion: “ 4.Once you have done the above, then you should practice self-compassion/self-acceptance. Look, I’m not trying to make this thing 18 thousand words long so I’m providing a link which explains ways in which you can practice self compassion: “ http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/ ” .These are VERY profound and moving exercises that might actually change your life. Try to do all of them because practicing self-compassion is a corner stone of overcoming your problem.





5. With self-compassion, comes self-acceptance. All of the perceived ‘flaws’ that you have you should simply accept as part of your overall vibe as a character in the game of life. They are just a part of who you are, and that’s what makes you, you. If there are flaws that you know you can improve on, start working on them. Have shitty cardio like I did? Does it bother you? Manage your time so that you can work on your cardio. It’s that simple.









P.S. I would recommend learning about the psychology of jealous people, narcissists, and generally insecure people and then learn/compare that to the psychology of truly confident people.





PART TWO – EXTERNAL HURDLES





The people around you effect who you are as a person. We are social animals, thus if we surround ourselves with people who are hard-workers, we are more likely to be a hard-worker. If the people around us are shallow, we are more likely to be shallow. If the people around us are insecure, we are more likely to be insecure. This is something that truly revealed itself to me a few years ago. I remember there was a time in my life where I was completely surrounded on all fronts by party animals. These people would get a combination of drunk and high 4/7 nights a week. Because everyone I knew was like this, it almost became normal to me. I realized that I was trying to hook up with as many girls as possible when in reality I wanted a girlfriend. I realized that I was trying to get everyone in my social circle to fawn over me. I got really good at bullshitting and saying what I thought people want to hear. I thought there were people who were superior to me and that there were people who were lesser than me. This is because these were the values held by the people who were around me (literal coke-addicts). I knew deep down that these were not the values that I held. I was becoming someone who wasn’t me. I was a fake version of myself. So what did I do to change this?





Handling people





1. I cut all those people out of my life. This is probably the best decision I have made. I would say that if you feel like you need to present a certain image of yourself and need to heavily filter what you’re going to say around a friend, you aren’t genuine friends. I realized that deep down those people did not care about me. Many of these people would subtly put me down, but would then also try to prove to me how cool they were. They composed about 95% of my social circle so I was hesitant to cut them out in fear of being lonely but then I realized making friends is easy when your are your most authentic self. My core friend group went from 10 people that I hit up regularly to 5 people. Those 5 people are probably the most amazing people I’ve ever met. They’re uplifting, inspiring, and accept me for my authentic self. I should note that there are more people who explicitly and openly do not like me since I have become my own person but as I mentioned before, I put things in perspective. Though there are more people who do not like me, there are far more people that I have made a deep connection with. The new social circle I’ve made is more in tune with my values. Because I spent a great deal of time being my self, I am comfortable being my authentic self with strangers. So if you don’t feel comfortable being yourself around a person then force yourself to be yourself, if they don’t like you, that’s okay because I’m sure there are people who you don’t like as well. There are many people who will like you for who you are so don’t sweat one person.





2. Rejection – this is probably the nail in the coffin pertaining to not caring what people think about you. You need to be rejected… A LOT. Any guy who has been through a fuckboy phase knows exactly what I mean when I talk about the power of rejection. You need to be vulnerable, and confident enough to be yourself in front of anyone and the best way to get to this point is by being shutdown and wrote-off to your face a multitude of times. It really is therapeutic. So how can you get rejected? Well there's a lot of ways.. you ask a high volume of people out, you can make extremely outlandish requests from people, you can also. the result of this will be that you will Start making the jokes that you find funny. You will start talking about whatever you want to talk about whether it’s ‘roller coaster tycoon’, poetry, fashion, whatever you want. If you see a girl/guy you think is cute, approach them. The more you get rejected, the more comfortable you will be and the more you will realize how much BS you’ve built up in your head. Something that pays over the odds is that the more comfortable your are around others, the more fun your social interaction will be with people, making the day more entertaining.



This is probably the most scary step in this process. So how do you muster up the courage to even attempt it? Well first you need to realize two things, the first that that your perspective is extremely short sighted and trivial, and the second it that you don't have any control over anything, you can try, and sometimes succeed, to make a outcome more probable but you cannot effectively control anything.



In putting things in perspective, ask yourself honestly when, for example, approaching a person, "am I going to look back at this 60 years from now and think, 'I'm so happy that I didn't approach that person'". Even think back to the past, have you ever thought, "I'm so happy that I avoided talking to that super attractive person back in 2011"? Probably not. So if you're actually serious about changing you're life then actually take the step to do so. As for thinking you can control things, that will go away the more you put yourself out there.



Also through rejection, you will realize that the people who are "rude", "assholes", and/or "bitches" are themselves often insecure, and that every action, thought, and word is determined by their insecurity and internal hurt (which is sad).





3. Delete Social Media (OPTIONAL). Well, technically everything in this is optional as it’s up to you to do it. But deleting social media, especially Instagram and Twitter, could greatly help you out in the beginning stages of your journey.





Conclusion







Here is a funny analogy: Each person is like their own unique flavour of ice cream. When people aren’t their true selves, the become vanilla. Most people put up with vanilla, but people who like unique flavours, such as ‘Strawberry-road’ or ‘Oreo Fudge Cookie Dough’ don’t just like them, they love them.





