If you’re looking for a timely write-up, you can stop reading now. If it’s a mending of one of the most legendary rap groups and the pop culture phenomenon that is the WWE, then you’ve come to the right place. Or should I say chamber?

36 of them to be exact.

I combine my love of hip-hop and professional wrestling to present you the WWE Universe as Wu-Tang Clan members. You can call it the “WWWU” for short…

Wu-Tang Member: RZA

Aliases: Bobby Digital, The RZArector, Prince Rakeem

WWE Comparison: Paul Heyman AKA Paul E. Dangerously

Although RZA is no slouch on the microphone (see: opening verse of “Ain’t Nothin’ ta F*** Wit”), Mr. Robert Diggs really shines when he’s let loose in the studio. Just like the RZA, Paul Heyman is aggressive, raw and powerful on the mic when he serves as the mouthpiece for guys like Sabu and Brock Lesnar, but where Heyman really gets to show his genius is behind the curtain.

Wu-Tang’s 1993 debut Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers was the brainchild of the RZA and is one of the most influential hip-hop albums of all-time. Heyman took creative control of ECW, then Eastern Championship Wrestling, in 1993 and then turned it into the innovative Extreme Championship Wrestling and the rest was history.

Plus, doesn’t “The Dangerous Alliance” sound like something RZA would draw inspiration from for one of his future Kung Fu flicks?

Wu-Tang Member: Method Man

Aliases: Johnny Blaze, Ticallion Stallion, Mef

WWE Comparison: The Rock

From the jump, Method Man had the most crossover appeal of any of the Wu members. He would go on to star in such American classics as How High and Red Tails as well as the worst/best deodorant commercials of all-time.

As a member of the Nation of Domination stable, The Rock first developed his “cool heel” persona and outgrew the group in no time. Now, the “Chosen One” has crossed-over so well that the WWE needs him more than he needs them and can be seen EVERYWHERE.

…and then there’s this:

Wu-Tang Members: Raekwon & Ghostface Killah

Aliases (Raekwon): The Chef, Lex Diamonds

Aliases (Ghostface): Tony Starks, Ironman, Pretty Toney

WWE Comparison: Triple H & Shawn Michaels (Degeneration X)

On the surface this is an easy comparison. Raekwon and Ghostface Killah are one of the best hip-hop dues of all-time. Trips and HBK are one of the most popular and influential tandems in pro-wrestling history. Let’s dig a little deeper.

Raekwon’s debut album Only Built 4 Cuban Linx was a defining album for hip-hop in the 90’s. According to Mrs. Trips, Stephanie McMahon, Triple H defined the “Attitude Era”. Raekwon came up with the slang C.R.E.A.M. (Cash Rules Everything Around Me). Triple H probably thinks he created the name DX (Degeneration X).

If you listen to any of Raekwon’s lyrics, it’s obvious he has an affinity to seafood. Triple H is a blueblood, so you know he probably does too.

GFK, meet HBK. Ghostface Killah is the most consistent of all the Wu members. You know exactly what you’re getting from a Ghostface album – vivid, face-paced storytelling at its finest. Shawn Michaels may be the best in-ring performer in WWE history. You put on any HBK match and you’re watching poetry in motion. Every “greatest hip-hop albums” list worth a damn includes Ironman. Every “greatest matches” list is littered with HBK’s name. Plus, one of HBK’s most famous matches was an Iron Man match after all.

Wu-Tang Member: GZA

Aliases: The Genius, Justice

WWE Comparison: Daniel Bryan AKA Bryan Danielson AKA The Dragon

1. Ghostface Killah. 2. GZA.

1. GZA. 2. Ghostface Killah.

Depending on the day of the week, you could argue GZA is the most lethal Wu member on the mic. GFK may have the flare, but GZA has the consistency and thought provoking, raw lyricism.

Depending on the day of the week, you could argue Daniel Bryan is the most skilled in-ring performer of all-time. HBK may have the flash and the memorable Wrestlemania moments, but Bryan possesses unmatched technical prowess and adaptability.

Bryan approaches each match with the diligence of a chess player. GZA mastered Chessboxin’.

GZA traveled throughout New York City to sharpen his rap skills in scattered rhyme battles. The Dragon gained experience wrestling around the world in Japan and Europe before further honing his craft in ROH and later the WWE.

Bryan’s 2006 ROH World Title Match against KENTA was his Liquid Swords.

Fun Fact: Bryan Danielson was trained by Shawn Michaels

Wu-Tang Member: Inspectah Deck

Aliases: Deck, Rebel INS, Rollie Fingers

WWE Comparison: Jeff Hardy

Go back and listen to the group’s legendary “Triumph” and “Protect Ya Neck” records and you’ll notice the Rebel INS hits you with a ton of bricks with his opening verses. His “Bomb atomically” lyrics at the beginning of “Triumph” are some of the most iconic in all of hip-hop and most often the only line casual Wu fans even remember from that track.

Jeff Hardy may not be remembered as one of the “best” in WWE history, but you’re for damn sure going to remember his big spots on the biggest stages. When you think of “Wrestlemania Moments”, the image of him getting speared 20+ feet in the air at Wrestlemania X-Seven is probably the first memory that comes to mind. If not, it’s definitely top two or three.

That’s the thing with these two, you may not be able to recall most of their entire body of work, but you know they brought it when it was time to shine in their respective genre’s biggest moments.

Inspectah Deck also sought more creative independence from the Wu-Tang Clan so he could truly flex his skills. He argued that when collaborating on a Wu-Tang album there’s so many creative minds clashing that sometimes the best thought may not get acknowledged. After parting ways with the WWE, Hardy pursued a music career and has negotiated “music clauses” in his contracts with TNA.

Fun Fact #1: Both Inspectah Deck and Jeff Hardy are painters.

Fun Fact #2: Deck did a song called “Rumble”. Jeff Hardy, of course, has participated in multiple Royal Rumbles throughout his career.

Wu-Tang Member: Masta Killa

Aliases: Noodles, High Chief

WWE Comparison: Tyson Kidd

The Masta Killa of the WWE Universe has to be Tyson Kidd.

Killa was the last member to join the Wu-Tang Clan. Kidd was the final graduate of the Hart Dungeon. Killa only appeared on one track of the legendary 36 Chambers. Kidd has only participated in one “Showcase of the Immortals” (non-dark match).

Some have said that Masta Killa is a poor man’s GZA, which makes sense since he was mentored by The Genius himself when he first got into the rap game. Some (one?) have suggested Kidd is a poor man’s Heartbreak Kid. OK. This is definitely a stretch on my part, but it works perfectly with my GZA/HBK comparison.

Wu-Tang Member: Ol’ Dirty Bastard

Aliases: O.D.B., Dirt McGirt, Osirus

WWE Comparison: “Macho Man” Randy Savage

He had a style and persona so much his own that we’ll never see another one like him in our lifetime.

One of his contemporaries may have been more mainstream, but no one from his outfit was more revered.

He blessed the mic with his distinctively deep and raspy voice.

Everything I just wrote could apply to either Dirt McGirt or the Macho King. Seriously.

RIP to both legends.

Thanks for rea…wait a minute. I forgot about U-God. Of course I did. He’s basically the Ted DiBiase Jr. of the Wu. You know his name, you know he was part of a famous group, but he didn’t do anything memorable. Cash may rule everything around you, but a million bucks couldn’t help DiBiase Jr. go over.

I’m out! This was dedicated to all the pretty girls…