To people used to associating sex with romance and romance with mystery, these guidelines look stifling. Each and every time?

You can see what the good folks at Antioch are trying to do: eliminate the sort of boorishness that expresses itself as "Well, we did it once, so it must be O.K. to do it again," or "You kissed me, so of course you want me to pull all your clothes off."

Some Antioch students, interviewed by The Times, said the rules weren't so bad in practice. You could obtain permission to do something without being clunky about it. Others weren't happy. If permission must be sought for a kiss, and if previous permission isn't to be taken as permission in the future, a student could risk serious consequences with a spontaneous smooch delivered to a longtime lover who happened to be in a bad mood.

The policy stipulates that verbal consent is required for any sexual contact or conduct that is not "mutually and simultaneously initiated." Here is fertile ground for misunderstandings galore. One person's mutuality, even simultaneity, can often be another person's submission.

Antioch's enumeration of dating do's and don't's is not a list of suggestions -- and that's part of the problem. Worrying about worst-case scenarios is appropriate since, as one disgruntled student put it: "This is a real policy. I can get kicked out over this."