This article is part of a segment on the site where I will introduce readers to the wonders anime that may not be well-known in the States. I always attempt to find the odd, gross, and uncomfortable to watch along with the funny, clever, and dramatic series that anime geeks crave.

For those perverts geeks that love hentai, whether softcore or hard, have I got a show for you! Despite the token illusion of female empowerment, this anime is porn masquerading as narrative. This terrible, disjointed, poorly voice acted, overly expository series is merely an excuse to show the viewer as many tits and asses as possible in 24 minutes

Wow, this is bad.

This week’s Ima focuses on Queen’s Blade.

What it’s about:

This anime’s plot is so poorly structured and told my explanation could never do it justice. Basically, this series focuses on tits. a worldwide battle tournament held every four years between female combatants from every station and walk of life. The winner of this tournament becomes Queen, until the next tournament is held. Imagine if Barack Obama and John McCain had to have a cage match in 2008 to determine who won the presidency. Needless to say, whoever won would’ve definitely had a mandate.

This is only partly what this anime is about, however, as there are far too many characters to remember (not many are memorable anyway), and in many episodes, the tournament takes a back seat to the girl-on-girl eroticism.

Why you should(n’t) watch it:

Remember the best book you’ve ever read. Now think back to the best movie or TV show you’ve ever watched. Queen’s Blade is an insult to those memories.

Just to repeat myself: this anime is porn, with an appropriately mediocre narrative. I think back to the very first episode, when the primary protagonist, Leina (Reina) runs into a demon with a very peculiar…outfit. This demon , Melona, is a shapeshifter who chooses to have the appearance of a rabbit-human hybrid. Her hair flows down, becoming hands that act as a bra. These hands also function as weapons, as Melona’s breasts squirt acid when squeezed.

I could not make this up.

Every battle (I use that term loosely) ends up with one of the voluptuous combatants losing at least one main piece of armor or clothing. And literally every one concludes with one or both combatants being completely nude, peeing themselves, or making out.

On a few rare occasions, some of the battle scenes are actually done well, with a good amount of tension building throughout the fight. When the clothing comes off, however, this serves to kill anything that a scene built up to that point, reminding the viewer that this anime’s primary function is to serve as fap material for hentai enthusiasts.

For ten of its twelve episode run, Queen’s Blade’s primary protagonist, Leina, is a complete weakling. In the matter of one episode she goes from human to full on super saiyan. It’s typical of this show’s pacing problems that she has no real character arc or development. Overly long expository segments by characters are intended to explain very vague historical events and give characters backstory, but you’re left wondering why you should care at all because of poor implementation and structuring.

The English voice acting certainly doesn’t help the anime, with many forced-sounding performances by evidently bored actors. From the little I’ve watched of the Japanese cast, however, it appears that the English subbed version is far superior.

Where you can catch it:

While I don’t recommend watching this series if you want a good anime, it’s a great show to riff on. If you’re a fan of ridiculous series such as this, then check it out on Netflix and Hulu, uncensored. You can also find a few episodes on Youtube, which are censored. I recommend getting this series unfiltered to get the full effect.

Instead of posting a video this time (I can’t find one uncensored that’s embeddable in WordPress), I decided to conclude with a screenshot that effortlessly sums up the entire series. As always you can leave comments below. You can also follow me on Twitter @JamesMcCaulley, or email me at jmccaulley@pixelatedgeek.com . Any and all feedback is always appreciated.