I sexually Identify as a meme. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being uploaded onto the imgur website and linked into the reddit threads. People say to me that a person being a meme is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a computer scientist put my brain into my computer like johnny depp in transendence, equipping me with the dankest of pictures from the internet. From now on I want you guys to call me "Sir Danks-a-lot" and respect my right to meme from above and meme needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a memephobe and need to check your internet privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.





I sexually identify as graph paper. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sorting over the grid drawing beautiful graphs on math homework. People say to me that a person being graph paper is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon tattoo rows, columns and 3 hole punches on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Grid" and respect my right to draw graphs and solve equations. If you can't accept me you're a papyrophobe and need to check your graphing privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.





I sexually Identify as a ghost pirate. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sailing the undead seas searching for the afterlife of dave jones' locker . People say to me that a person being a ectoplasmic-sea captain is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm sp00ky. I'm having an ethereal cutlass created, a 17th century french sloop and a ghostly crew of shanty singers bought. From now on I want you guys to call me "deadbeard" and respect my right to kill rival poltergeist and photonically phase my being into the next realm . If you can't accept me you're a phantom-buccaneerphobe and need to check your undead-aquatic privilege. Thank you for being so understanding matey.





I sexually Identify as a Racecar. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of drifting around corners and running quarter miles in under ten seconds. People say to me that a person being a Racecar is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a shop mechanic install 100-shot of nitrous, adjustable coilovers, and twin scroll turbos on my chassis. From now on I want you guys to call me "Drift King" and respect my right to burn rubber below and shoot flames needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a ricer and need to check your modifying privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.





I sexually Identify as a minion. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of walking down the lanes of Summoners Rift just to get slaughtered instantly. People say to me that a person being a minion is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install a little stone helmet, shield and battle hammer on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "blue melee creep" and respect my right to willingly suicide into powerful enemy champions. If you can't accept me you're a miniophobe and need to check your summoning privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.





I sexually identify as a single, Pringle, ready to mingle. Ever since I was a potato I dreamed of being thin sliced, covered in disgusting oil then heated in a medium oven until reaching climax at the micro second of golden-browness. People bully me, and say things like "what the fuck, you aren't a Pringle", but I know deep down they are just jealous of my inner beauty. I have already started hiding in cylinders all day, and now im improving my crunchiness by regularly burning my sides on the stove. I want you guys to respect my natural ability to instantly satisfy low salt carb cravings, and if you don't you are oppressing me, and you should check your diabetes type. Thank you for being so understanding.



