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The Okapi is related to the giraffe, despite its ruddy red coat, and striped socks making it appear the unholy offspring of horse and zebra. Today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe Civic is equally confusing, but is its price unholy?


Conflicted personas are nothing new. You probably know Vincent Damon Furnier better by his stage name Alice Cooper - which he originally shared with his band - but you might not know, that along with macabre on-stage theatrics, Furnier is also passionate about golf and his faith - which surprisingly doesn't revolve around satan. One of Alice Cooper's most ambitious albums was Welcome to My Nightmare, a high-concept work about entering a young boy's tortured dreams. Thematically, that album could easily have been the impetuous for today's M3-channeling custom '97 Honda Civic showpiece.

Only eyeballs bleed, only eyeballs bleed. . .

It's usually good advice not to buy someone else's project car, as with anything personalized, there's no way that it's going to fit you as well as its creator, and like Frankenstein's monster, lacking the familial bond, it will likely end up to your detriment in the end. But in this case it might be okay to overlook that counsel as you are not likely to ever be able to replicate all the Franken that fills this Civic's stein. In fact, in many states there are probably laws prohibiting it.


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For whatever reason, the 6th generation Civic coupe lacked a certain Je ne sais quoi that the previous generation embodied. That may be the reason the owner of this tangerine dream '97 decided to Island of Dr. Moreau it into the automotive equivalent of a Hollywood tranny. Up front, the Civic's nondescript hood, grille and bumper have given way to an E46 M3's full nose. Down its flanks it gets flared fenders that recall those of the E30 edition of BMW's hot small coupe, and shaved door handles, while around back there are. . . Mustang taillamps. Well, maybe the whole BMW thing felt too played by the time he got around to the tramp stamp. Covering all this confusion is a coat of metallic Okapi, while the black and silver 20" Kyowa rims approximate that rainforest dwellers zebra-like pantaloons. The Okapi is much smaller than its giraffe cousin, and this Civic's suspension is bagged so you too can roll as low as you can go. Alternatively you can also jack it up to keep the dual shart cans out back from making like it's the Fourth of July.

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The androgyny extends to popping the hood where, instead of an M3's east-west engine and teutonic sobriety, you'll find Honda's sidewinder resplendent in chrome and pumped up with an intercooled turbo. You'll also find a video screen and pair of urban assault speakers hidden behind the twin kidney grilles, just because. If having an entertainment system in the nose isn't your bag, you might be entertained by the D16 four that plays back up.


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Originally 106-hp, the seller, in a previous attempt to sell the car, listed the horsepower ambiguously as ‘SICK,' and claimed the 1,598-cc engine's torque in the same vague manner. Backing up all that sick is a five speed manual about which no mention is made regarding its ability to handle the grenade's engine's power.


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Should you manage to cause the box to shed teeth like Mickey Rourke in the ring, you'll at least have the interior in which to sit and marvel. No surface inside has been untouched by the bling fairy and there's so much atomic orange paint that it's hard to tell where the outside stops and the inside begins. Fortunately there's a chrome roll cage to act as a delineator, and a place to hang your wash. Sports seats, multiple TVs, and enough gauges to make Jim Cramer buy stock in Summit Racing round out the experience. Oh, and there's a pair of matching dikes on the floor.


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There has been so much done to this little Civic that it's no surprise it only rocks 30K on its probably orange clock. With so much time and seemingly money invested into it, you'd think its creator would want to be buried in the damn thing, but no, like Frankenstein, he's ready to move on to the next project, maybe a BMW with a Civic grille. Without waiting for that eventuality, there's still this car, and all the bling therein.


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For all therein and thereout the seller is asking $12,000, and, as is typically the case with modded cars, there's no way you could achieve this end result for anywhere near that - unless you stole this car. Baring theft, there's the question of that price, what do you say, is twelve large a deal considering all the cars you're getting rolled into this one? Or, does that price need to be as heavily modified as the car?


You decide!


Birmingham Craigslist or go here if the ad disappears. H/T to Robert Abston for the hookup!

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