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AS thousands of childcare professionals and parents take to our streets today in protest over pay and conditions, the government has come out in praise of extortionate creche fees which it claims are serving as ‘the greatest leg-closer since Catholic shame’.

With the threat of financial annihilation lingering over them, many couples are opting to practice safer sex than ever before, the birth rate in Ireland has dropped to an eleven year low, with many people stating that the cost of rubber johnnies is much preferable to paying ‘a second mortgage’ on creche fees.

Although the government would not be drawn on the issue of childcare costs or state aid to struggling childcare facilities, many of which are struggling to attract employees dues to low wages and poor working conditions, they were quick to praise themselves at what they called ‘a solution to the overpopulation of urban ares’ and ‘the leveling-off of the amount of children in emergency accommodation’ thanks to the spectre of childcare costs.

“Creches are closing left and right, and the ones that are staying open have to pass on the higher staffing costs to parents… but politicians don’t care because more people are pulling out than ever before” said one creche worker at today’s protest.

“So in a way, they see this as being a solution to our problems; in a few years there’ll be less kids, so we’ll be less over-worked, the hassle of working out a solution to all this just… goes away. It’s not a right-now solution, but I’m not sure they really care. All they want is people thinking about dropping a grand a month on childcare before they start riding”.

The government has also issued a statement to angry parents who have had to arrange alternative childcare for their kids today, stating that they ‘should have considered childcare strikes’ before they had their kids.