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I have a perfect storm of mental and physical defects. I cannot keep my emotions off my face. I have nerve damage in my left leg, hip and mid-lower back from spinal cord decompression surgeries. Opiates don’t work.

I have had back problems since 2002. I know how to handle pain. I can work through it, but my face betrays me. Folks at work see me grimacing and feel horrible for me. When I attempt (and fail) to suppress the grimace, they feel even worse, thinking they sense how brave and honorably pitiable I am, and how much it must really hurt, since I cannot cover it up.

My job includes speaking. People do not believe that I mean what I say because my face “tells them” I am unable to produce concentrated thought due to my suffering. I am not only not taken literally, I am sometimes not even taken seriously. When I get mad because someone does not believe me, they say the pain is making me unpleasant and grumpy. In fact, it is their own disregard of my vocal utterances that upsets me.

I work at a medical clinic. I have to communicate in person. But my friends say, “I know you want to attend the monthly meeting, but no one wants you there because you make everyone feel so bad because of your pain. And they don’t really listen to you either, since they can’t stop thinking about how much you must be suffering. So just go home!”

Is this an old male’s version of the large-breasted woman not being taken seriously?

— Jake