LONDON—Reacting with indignation and frustration as her fiancé admitted his continued omission, furious royal bride-to-be Meghan Markle found herself unable to believe Thursday that Prince Harry had not yet informed the royal family that she is, in fact, black. “Jesus, Harry, what the hell? Are you ashamed of me? Because that’s what this feels like,” said the incredulous Markle, interrupting her stammering betrothed to ask when he was planning on telling them, how he could be such a coward that he’d blatantly betray her trust, and exactly what the fuck he meant by “I didn’t think it was a big deal.” “You say they’ll be cool with it, but seriously, Harry, you don’t know how white people can get about this stuff. I really don’t want to show up to the royal goddamned wedding and suddenly the Queen, Prince Charles, and Camilla Little-Miss-Perfect Duchess of Cornwall are being all weird! I wonder what could make them act like that, huh? Oh, God—please say your brother Prince William at least knows.” At press time, a fed-up Markle responded to the prince’s question of whether she’s calling off the wedding by saying she “just can’t deal right now” and storming out of the room.

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