Scott Stapp is either the victim of one of the wildest, most well-coordinated illuminati conspiracies ever pulled, or he's got a screw loose.

The former Creed frontman's 15-minute Facebook video (see below), uploaded in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, claims he's living in a Holiday Inn with barely enough money to eat after "someone" drained his bank accounts for reasons he does not understand.

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Stapp doesn't identify the mystery forces that have reduced him to this, but his wife recently filed for divorce, according to the Miami Herald, accusing him of abandoning his family last month, using drugs and acting paranoid.

Depending on what you believe, it's either the scariest or most pathetic celebrity personal plea ever posted online:

The gist of the video seems to be a last-ditch effort to get a lawyer — "maybe a fan of the band," he says, suggesting it could be pro-bono work — to help him unravel the insane web of attacks that he outlines.

Let's recap with some highlights:

He's sober, has been for awhile, has the urine tests to prove it.

He's been living in a Holiday Inn, after going a couple of days without eating.

The banks wouldn't even give Stapp $5, despite that he told them he hadn't eaten for a couple of days. Even after he told them!

No matter what "they" do to him, he's "not going to stop sharing" his religious beliefs. So bring it, because that's off the table.

The IRS froze his bank accounts. But also someone stole all the money by changing his "online passwords." Apparently both, somehow.

"I've been harassed. I've been stalked. I've had my name slandered all over the Internet."

"Right now I'm looking for an honest, good attorney, that's ready to fight — and take it all the way to the top." (Keep an eye on that Supreme Court docket.)

By the way, if your lawyer is a big Creed fan, please put him in touch with Stapp. Then maybe get yourself a new lawyer.

Do you believe that what's happening to Stapp is real? Or even possible? If you are not wearing a tin-foil hat, let us know in the comments.