Things Therapists Say When They Realize You’re a Lost Cause

“Maybe having sex on the first date would make you seem more agreeable.”

“Have you tried dating a third or fourth cousin?”

“Finding your soul mate isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“You’re an artist, moodiness is a prerequisite.”

“I take Prozac and it does wonders for my skin.”

“You’re very creative, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

“Sleeping with a knife under your mattress can’t hurt.”

“Bi-polar? Or maybe they just don’t get you.”

“Sometimes the ‘other voices’ are the wiser.”

“We’re all a little insane.”

“Everyone thinks about killing someone, it’s totally normal.”

“Repeat this mantra, ‘I’m fucked.’”