Name: The name’s 12-hour routine, Daniel Craig’s 12-hour routine.

Appearance: Sweaty, not stirred.

Age: Well, Craig is 51. But I expect he feels 81 right now.

Why is that? I heard that he and Rachel Weisz had a baby. They did, but that’s not it. It’s because of his 12-hour routine.

What kind of routine? Breadmaking? Skincare? Nothing so tranquil. Craig is about to start filming the new Bond movie, so he has to get back into his famous buff-Bond shape. According to the Mail on Sunday, he spent last week enduring “12-hour workout sessions”.

That sounds manageable. Two a day, with Sunday off. You’ve missed the hyphen. These are not 12 hour-long sessions spread across the week. These are daily 12-hour sessions.

That sounds … difficult. Yes. Maybe close to the limit of what’s physically possible, in fact. Twelve hours is the equivalent of eight football matches. How manageable does that sound?

It might be all right if you went in goal. Do we know what Craig spends 12 hours doing? No. For past Bonds, he spent the mornings doing cardio, which means something like running, then did an hour lifting weights in the afternoon.

That sounds OK. Are we really sure he did 12 hours a day last week? Well, it could be an exaggeration, but he wouldn’t be the first film star to have an unbelievable routine.

Like what? Michael B Jordan said he “worked out all day, every day, for four to five months” in order to play a boxer in Creed. Jake Gyllenhaal said he would “literally spend six hours training” each day for Southpaw.

What can you do for six hours? In Gyllenhaal’s case, an eight-mile run, then sparring, half an hour’s rest and a workout with weights.

James Bond could do all that, twice a day, drunk. It helps if you’re fictional, I guess. But Mark Wahlberg probably stretches realism furthest of all.

But he’s Marky Mark! He’s a real tough guy. Well, not many people could believe his schedule when he shared it last year.

Why not? He said he got up at 2.30am and spent two hours and 35 minutes working out daily.

That’s possible. You can add 30 minutes of golf, an hour of recovery in a cryochamber, plus whatever he does for an hour and a half in the shower.

Exfoliating? That’s not very energetic. It’s worth noting that most people would be frozen to death after an hour in a cryochamber, where it’s about -100C. You’re only meant to be in there for a couple of minutes.

Perhaps Wahlberg runs around to keep warm? That must be it.

Do say: “That was brutal. Never again …”

Don’t say: “Never Say Never Again!”