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OAK BROOK, Illinois –

For the last year, employees at major fast food restaurants, including McDonald’s and Burger King, have been protesting for higher wages, claiming that even the lowest paid employee should be making $15 an hour, almost double the Federal Minimum Wage, but closer to what they say is the “livable wage” they need to survive. Today, in an unprecedented showing of gratitude for its employees by a major corporation, McDonald’s has agreed to bump their minimum pay to the $15 USD an hour the workers wanted.

“The McDonald’s corporation would like to formally announce the new pay scale for our employees,” said Donald Thompson, CEO of McDonald’s. “From now on everyone in our restaurants will be paid the livable wage they were looking for.”

Thompson went on to say that the employees had ‘long been looking’ for this pay raise, and that he felt they ‘definitely deserved it.’

“We know that their jobs are really, really hard,” said Thompson. “They have to stand on their feet for sometimes 4 or 5 hours a day, and take orders from customers, flip burgers and throw down fries. They are forced to repeatedly make the same mediocre food over and over again, using almost completely automated cooking appliances. They even go home smelling like oil and grease sometimes. Can you imagine? Gross. It’s hard work they do for us, and that’s why we are changing the pay scales.”

Thompson said that it is not only a pay-raise for many employees, it’s a pay-cap that all of their management and higher-paid employees will have to deal with.

“The $15 an hour we’re merging to, than that is the top that anyone will make. From the janitors on up through the store managers, everyone will make the same $15 dollars an hour, in every one of our restaurants, all through the US.”

One store manager from Colorado, Aaron Silver, was furious over the news.

“I was making $21 an hour as the store manager, after working my way up from a cashier making $8 an hour,” said Silver. “I worked my ass off to get where I am, because I don’t have a great education, and couldn’t afford college. I started working for McD’s when I was a senior in high school, and it took me 7 years to get to management, and I was pretty happy in having made a career out of fast food. Now they’re going to lower my pay to $15, which will be the same as everyone else? What’s the point in even trying to work your way up the ladder if you’re never going to get anything out of it?”

Kenneth LaChance, a restaurant employee from Bangor, Maine, had completely different views on the new pay.

“I’ve only been with McDonald’s for about 6 weeks, but I am only making $8.25 an hour, and that’s just not enough money to live on,” said LaChance, who is a freshman in high school and lives with his parents. “I have to pay for my own cell phone and like, if I want to go to the movies with friends or something. What they’re paying is so low. I’m glad that I’ll be getting $15 an hour now. I deserve to be paid at least that. If not $20 an hour!”

Thompson has said that McDonald’s is standing by their decision, and anyone who doesn’t like it can ‘hit the bricks.’

“Now that we’re paying everyone $15 an hour, if you’re a manager who doesn’t like it, then I’m sure you can find a new job with Burger King,” said Thompson. “We’ll just bump up one of the kids in your store to take your spot. Easy-peasy.”

Thompson, who has been with McDonald’s for 2 years, makes roughly $9 million dollars as CEO. Broken down into a part-time salary of 25 hours, which is what most employees for McDonald’s are scheduled, Thompson makes approximately $7,000 an hour.

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