“I mean, don’t get me wrong — I'm impressed that Trump can locate Alabama on a map. But still, the president of the United States just changed the map with a Sharpie to make himself look right.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Because of the fact that the president misrepresented where the water would go, I’m calling this scandal ‘Water-gate.’ Trademark.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“It must be so easy to play poker with this guy. [As Trump:] ‘Let me just see what I’ve got here. Let me see. I don’t, I don’t know. I don’t know. I do not — I do not have three queens. I do not have — I do not have three queens. Or, if anyone has a Sharpie, I do not have four queens.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“I mean, after this, I have to wonder if his high school report card was legit.” — SETH MEYERS