The Final Word

On the mistake.

I can’t do anything more to prove that I am sincere about my apology. I am not asking for forgiveness from anyone. But doubting my sincerity is another matter. Sometimes I think certain people don’t want me to be sincere because that gives them less cause to send me hate. I took a mistake I made that only a few thousand people were aware of and I shined a light on it to 400,000 people. Why the hell would I bring more attention to it if I wasn’t sincerely sorry for what I had done? Beyond that, I can give no other proof than my word.

Another big criticism is that I mentioned my poor health in my apology. People thought I was using that to excuse my words and behavior. This is incorrect. I explicitly stated that my poor health was no excuse for what I said.

The reason I brought up my poor health was to explain why I made the poor choice to delete the comments and try to hide them. I panicked and feared the consequences–as I wasn’t sure I was mentally or physically able to take them on at the moment. Again, you only have my word on this, but if I had been feeling better I would have apologized immediately and publicly. I have always done so in the past.

So I will say in big capital letters…

THERE WAS NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT I SAID. IT WAS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT MY HEALTH STATUS WAS AT THAT MOMENT. I FUCKED UP AND VICTIM BLAMING IS NEVER OKAY. I AM VERY SORRY.

If you have never said something ignorant in the heat of a moment that you didn’t mean, then I suppose you can cast your stones. But the perpetual torrent of hate telling me I am a victim blamer is just inaccurate.

I went bowling once. That doesn’t mean I am a bowler. I victim blamed once. That doesn’t mean I am a victim blamer.

If you want to tell me the thing I did was shitty–feel free. That is a consequence I am completely willing to accept. But if you are going to continue to accuse me of being a serial victim blamer and rape apologist… it is just not true and we’re gonna block you.

To the subreddit r/tumblrinaction

Around the time I received most of the death threats, rape threats, suicide suggestions, and threats to my dog– I also had about 6,000 referral visits from your group. There were very few visits from anywhere else during that period of time. It won’t hold up in court, but that really does make it seem like some folks from TIA might have been responsible. I’m not saying the entire group… I’m just saying that it seems likely that individuals in your group were responsible for at least some of those messages.

When I mentioned this was happening, some of you did not believe I was receiving these threats. One person even jokingly said [citation needed]. I’m afraid I can’t help you there. Firstly, because those messages get blocked immediately. Secondly, even if I did screencap them, I am an advanced photoshop user and could easily fake these messages, so I doubt that would really be very convincing either.

The messages happened. They were scary and disturbing. I don’t care how awful you think I am, I would hope that most of you don’t condone this and I would appreciate it if you condemned this behavior.

On blocking and “censorship.”

Some are saying that I am censoring them because I have blocked a great deal of people. Gab has actually been filtering my tumblr inbox and using their best judgment of who to block. This is their explanation of that. If you are mostly civil and make your point without a torrent of insults, you typically won’t get blocked. But if you keep spamming the same messages over and over or are vitriolic, you will get blocked. I feel I have the right to do that.

I am in charge of the disqus comments on my blog. If you use slurs, if you are insulting to other users, or if you are just incredibly mean and add nothing but hate to the conversation, I will blacklist you. I am not censoring people just because they disagree with me. In fact, if you are mostly civil, I will almost always leave your comment untouched.

If a thread descends into just hate and name calling and no meaningful discussion is happening–I will close the thread. This is not censorship, this is moderation. I have a right to remove anything that I don’t want on my blog. So if you want to vehemently disagree with me in a comment, keep it civil and it will not be removed. Also, if you want to try and defend men, choosing the username “IHateFatChicks” is pretty much going to make anything you say irrelevant and not helping your cause.

The End

This is the last I am going to talk about this particular situation. I’m sorry if people are sick of hearing about stuff like this.

For the time being I am going to focus on my health and try to get back on my feet. I am currently very sick. My CFS and Narcolepsy have gotten very severe and nothing I do seems to be helping. I may have to see doctors and try scary medications. I could have bad reactions and I predict some very rough days ahead.

Gab is going to be managing most of the blog duties. I still choose all the content, but everything else, including responding to messages will be done by them.

Corg Life will continue as normal, but I don’t know if I can do Animal Facts with my current energy level.

One piece of good news is that my back hole is getting very small. I’d say it will be just a cool scar in another month or so. I have updated pictures that I will post soon.

Sorry for the wall of text. I am going to rest now. I hope you all have a lovely day.