I can't breathe.

My stomach is in my throat.

My ears are ringing.

Vision is blurring,

I can barely see what is right in front of me.

Tears spring from the corners of my eyes.

Stomach turns and twists inside.

Hands shake

Legs tremble and take me to my knees,

I can't breathe.

Loud and rapid thu-thum of my heart echoes loudly inside my head,

Drowning out sanity.

Is this it?

Is this where I give up?

Give in?

Is this the end?

Ache.

Scream.

Cry.

FIGHT.

Win.









I came dangerously close to an attack two days ago in the grocery store (of all places) I was surrounded on all sides by other shoppers and their carts and I couldn't move, couldn't get out, and I felt my ears starting to get hot (warning sign number one, that's how it always starts.) and the heat starting to move to the back of my neck, my face, my chest. I felt my heart rate quicken, and my hearing started to get muffled. My husband took one look at my face and knew what was happening. He took hold of my hand and didn't let go until we got home. That hand is what saved me, that act of kindness, of love, of reassurance of safety is all I needed to fight it off, although I can dangerously close. I was waking through the grocery store practicing focusing on my breath, maintaining control of my life force, ignoring every other soul in that store until I got home where I knew is was okay.





On the car ride home after a few minutes of yoga breath I turned to a radio station that I knew would play familiar songs and sang along, that forced me to get out of my head, and when we got home he hugged me tight and held me for what felt like a perfect eternity.





I am so lucky to have someone so loving and so understanding, who can deal with a simple trip to the grocery store turning into.. That. A meltdown? A almost break. I stopped it, but I almost lost control.





I did some simple soothing yoga the next morning, calm things, I couldn't tell you what asanas I did, I let my body move me and my mind relax. I focused soley on the presant, on the fact that I was on my mat. Anxiety attacks are scary, and I hate that I have them, and I hate when I have them, but yoga has not only made them less frequent, but it has taught my breathing techniques to stop an attack. That alone is invaluable. Never give up. Always keep fighting, and always remember, you are in control of your breath, harness it.





Stay strong,

Nameste





It feels like my heart is pounding out of my chest.