Fellas, is it gay to lovingly kiss a woman’s hand?

By David Futrelle

Straight male insecurity can be a sight to behold. The list of things that make men doubt the masculinity of other men (or of themselves) is, it seems, endless. That’s what makes the “Fellas, is it gay” meme so effective, and so funny. By simply taking the tenets of some weird and toxic belief about masculinity and rewording it as a question you can reveal just how absurd it is. Fellas, is it gay to drink a smoothie? Fellas, is it gay to wipe your own ass?

The phrase “fellas, is it gay” has been floating around Twitter for more than a decade, starting on black twitter, but at first the questions were at least semi-sincere, and most of them were in some ways about sex. “Fellas is it Gay for you to Watch a Porno or 2 wit ya dudes?” asked one Tweeter. “FELLAS is it GAY to shave your PUBIC HAIR” asked another. Back in those days, the questions often had answers to them.

It took until 2017 or so for the question to transform into a sort of running gag — and it wasn’t until 2018 that it finally turned into the ironic meme we know today, at least on Twitter. (I haven’t looked into other social media sites and their history with the meme.)

So let’s scroll back over the past several years of the meme on Twitter and see some of the things that real people actually think make straight men gay.

We’ll start with marriage between a man and a woman, one of the cornerstones of the patriarchy but also, somehow, gay?

Fellas, is it gay to be married to a woman? https://t.co/Djk76Xtmgd — Sean Rosa (@NewSeanRosa) January 13, 2020

Even more suspect: having a baby with your girlfriend or wife.

Fellas, is it gay to have sex with your girlfriend and have a baby? 🤔 https://t.co/uTtRcCCsX4 — Chanler (#BLM) (@chanlerseth) March 24, 2019

Even dating a woman is apparently a gay panic risk:

Fellas is it gay to date a woman? pic.twitter.com/vkUEyp6EIG — Eyes on the Right (@EyesOnTheRight) March 11, 2020

It’s even worse if you’re occasionally giving her compliments:

Fellas is it gay to love your girlfriend? https://t.co/6szxN1k2oE — Dr Eleanor Janega (@GoingMedieval) January 2, 2020

Then of course there are the hygiene issues, as in, some straight men seem to think that keeping clean is a gay thing.

fellas is it gay to shower and clean your home pic.twitter.com/BlLFIMaIAk — zane (@liqouriceb1tch) January 4, 2020

It’s apparently even worse if you use some of your time in the shower to soap up your dick … and wash it.

fellas…. is it gay to clean yr dick?? https://t.co/EUVZJEUOiu — rumplestiltskin (@tender_n_mild) September 2, 2017

Worse than the dick is the butt, as some guys apparently think it’s gay to clean anything in the general vicinity of their asshole. (No, really. Really really.)

fellas, is it gay to wipe your butt? pic.twitter.com/UosK3qt8Xt — g a r b i t c h 🅙 (@dietcokexbust) January 19, 2019

Lmfaooo I love this page so much. Fellas is it gay to wash your ass?😂😂😂 https://t.co/Kr9zgkXEbe — Big Speaker🔊🔊🔊 (@ChefboyarBrie) April 8, 2020

Some give in to the need to wipe, but only if they can couch it as a macho thing to do:

Fellas is it gay to wipe your ass pic.twitter.com/NgMkTg7RTh — matthew (@maiorL) April 7, 2020

Still others insist that even touching a woman’s asshole is sort of gay:

fellas is it gay to like anal https://t.co/hxMThLt6ia — MISS ANDRIE (@incintiv) January 12, 2020

Fellas is it gay to have sex with your consenting christian wife pic.twitter.com/mLPEdCRbvU — Meta Knight says Black Lives Matter (@SecEd_Loser) April 4, 2020

Cunnilingus is also deeply suspect:

Fellas is it gay to lick pussy https://t.co/AVi97i6nj9 — samoeba (@Choripleto) December 29, 2019

Fellas.. is it gay to go down on your girl? pic.twitter.com/doH1UaDTn9 — Jake Evans (@JakePIXL) January 31, 2020

As is having sex with any woman who isn’t a virgin, because then basically she’s partly a man??

fellas,,,is it gay to have sex with your wife you’re having sex with a mans personality https://t.co/AQ5sXXQOIA — vote for my dad for president (in any country) (@rockiesVSconnor) February 18, 2018

Indeed, any kind of sex between a man and a woman can be gay if the guy makes any noise.

fellas is it gay to really enjoy having sex with a woman https://t.co/mnFd6TyQX4 — dolly parton stan account (@kittynouveau) November 6, 2019

Even aside from love and sex and hygiene, the sheer number and variety of things coded “gay” is mind-boggling. Here’s a selection:

Owning an umbrella:

https://twitter.com/Kelly_Giselle_/status/1231989597372112896

Buying TP for your bunghole:

fellas is it gay to be clean https://t.co/gEu5GQ8Mju — Karens In Paris (@NekiasNBA) January 2, 2020

Tweeting:

https://twitter.com/aidlamb1/status/1249425795115888646

Enjoying a nice dessert:

Fellas is it gay to enjoy a sticky toffee pudding? https://t.co/9PdZLkD2bm — Luke (@_chrundle) April 13, 2020

Talking on the phone with a male friend:

fella’s is it gay to catch up with your boys via a phone call? https://t.co/usIQBF2EIq — croptop daddy (@userjaymes) March 11, 2020

Having self-esteem:

https://twitter.com/grandpa/status/1236481484397121536

Caring about climate change:

FELLAS, IS IT GAY TO *CARE* ABOUT THE PLANET WE ALL LIVE ON!?



LET'S MAKE SURE OUR CHILDREN HAVE NO CHANCE AT A FUTURE JUST SO MY BROS DON'T THINK IM GAY!! https://t.co/tIZ35NFsoj — Wakewind (@Wakewind) September 1, 2019

Thoroughly appreciating good food:

Fellas, is it gay to like food? pic.twitter.com/KJ7R7TBKJK — Justin Whang 🐙 (@JustinWhang) March 11, 2020

Eating boneless chicken wings:

Fellas is it gay to eat boneless wings? https://t.co/myvjVFVo8T — Under the InfluWentz (@Matt_Graf_) April 12, 2020

Practicing good coronavirus hygiene:

https://twitter.com/404jin/status/1238476525437059073

Looking someone in the eyes:

fellas, is it gay to make eye contact?? https://t.co/WzYFBmKyBC — icky (@gagandboreme) March 13, 2020

Saying something nice to a woman:

fellas is it gay to compliment a woman now? pic.twitter.com/QfafuYBnPH — alex 💸 (@alextalktoem) March 22, 2020

Lying on your couch watching TV:

https://twitter.com/19nboomin/status/1244778133909319683

Buying chocolate chip cookies:

fellas is it gay to enjoy baked goods https://t.co/WHZybQe6KQ — Vivian (@suchnerve) March 31, 2020

Knowing the rules of grammar:

fellas, is it gay to structure your sentences and use punctuation? pic.twitter.com/wefz15IiBZ — sinéad naoimh ⚧🦀🍾 (@sineadactually) April 1, 2020

Having a smoothie:

fellas is it gay to drink blended fruit https://t.co/v1Uff9ibVN — angel (@emanizaire) April 11, 2020

Or drinking anything involving whipped cream:

Fellas, is it gay to enjoy milk with air in it? pic.twitter.com/dDEHVxWp6F — white trash jesus (@j_fluff) April 12, 2020

That’s all — for now. Tomorrow: Part Two of “Fellas is it gay.”

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