This piece is dedicated to all those conservative Atlas-holes out there who are so convinced by their delusional Randian fantasies that they are the hardworking pillars on which the universe rests, that they seem to have forgotten a few facts about the world.

See, I'm talking about people like this guy. People like him think that they're special. They think that without the rare jewels like them supporting the world so all the bottom-feeding parasites below can have a free ride, the economy would collapse. They also like to think that even if it did, they would be just fine. They, because of their industrious nature, would prevail in a more just society where their hard work, innate talent and unmatched creativity would not be restrained by the shackles of a state that forced them to take notice of lesser men who would live like a leech off the labor of their betters.

But the truth is, those people are the real parasites.

It would be far too easy for me to simply rely on the time-honored statistics that bluer, more progressive states tend to be the providers, while the more self-righteous conservative states with their constantly proclaimed message of an ethic of self-reliance are generally the ones that take the most and contribute the least. Yes, many progressives like me who live in dens of iniquity such as Hollywood are becoming supremely tired of paying for the stop signs of people who hate everything we stand for. It's always self-satisfying to point out this logical and moral contradiction, but that's not so much the point today. Instead, I'd like to point to the most telling thing that our exemplary Atlas-hole said in defense of his own stunning hypocrisy:

That's just my money coming back to me.

Yes, it's hypocritical that he complains about people who get money from the government, while he's getting so much money from the government. But the most important aspect of this defense is one simple fact: it shows that he, and so many like him, expect to get something for nothing. And that is one way to characterize a parasite.

Imagine a scenario in which I go to a farmer's market and buy some vegetables. I then take my vegetables home, turn them into a delicious saute, and scarf them down (incidentally, this is a good habit. try it sometime). Having done so, I then return to the vegetable vendor and take my dollar bills back. When he complains, I just say, "what's the problem? it's my money coming back to me!"

Under this quite clearly contrived scenario, you would undoubtedly consider me not just an outright sociopath, but one with no understanding of the principles of commerce or the exchange of legal tender for goods and services. And you would be right to do so. But for some reason, when the subject turns to taxes, all sense of logic and fairness go out the window.

It has been said that taxes are the price we pay for a just society. A good platitude, and an accurate one. But entirely insufficient. In an abstract sense, taxes do pay for society at large. But in a much more concrete sense, taxes are nothing but payment for services rendered by the government--and the only difference between my individual purchase of vegetables at the farmer's market and my tax obligations is that of scale. There may be a myriad of ways for me to spend my income, but never in a million years would there ever be a possibility that I would be able to get together collectively with the millions of residents of my County to accurately calculate and pay for my share of the impending expansion of the subway system. Thus, we hire elected officials to represent us and broker these transactions for our collective benefit.

And now we get to the main lesson for the Atlas-hole described above. While the price you may pay for goods and services is often negotiable, there's one thing that isn't: the fact that you bought something with your money, and it isn't yours any more, any more than the money I used to pay for my vegetables is still mine. I spent it; and so did you.

Which brings me to the point of all this. The real parasite is not the one who receives a meager measure of support from the state once the harsh hand of the market has touched them unfairly. Rather, the true bloodsucker is the one who can't even understand that they should pay for the services that they use.

A tapeworm doesn't really recognize that it's someone else's intestine--but it's more forgivable because a tapeworm lacks the rational capacity for thought.