Donald Trump sure likes to pose for photos while eating, doesn’t he? It’s almost like he’s trying to prove that he eats regular human food rather than sucking the life-force energy out of hapless functionaries like the villain from the latest Star Trek film. Whenever he gets his picture taken with a plate of grub, he’s begging to be treated like one of us. But Donald Trump is not one of us. He’s a self-proclaimed billionaire who seems to enjoy talking about the sex appeal of his own daughter. He’s Beldar Conehead – hoping to fit in, while smoking an entire pack of cigarettes at once.

Great afternoon in Ohio & a great evening in Pennsylvania - departing now. See you tomorrow Virginia! pic.twitter.com/jQTQYBFpdb — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 2, 2016

I imagine he has some weird food fetish, like he slowly licks a cannister of the fish paste you get on your way out of an Ikea throughout the work day. Maybe he’s actually part feline, which would make him our second cat candidate for president (or cat-idate). Is the Kevin Spacey film Nine Lives is based on his life? This latest culinary social media campaign might actually be a giant subtweet, too. It’s not a huge leap of logic to see how Trump posing with various pieces of dead chicken might be a reference to this odious conservative meme.

What I do know is that there’s no way he eats KFC. And yet, there he is, tossing out his patented “I done did a bad boy thing” smile and eating fried chicken with a knife and fork. As a human being, I can say that no normal earthling eats KFC with a knife and fork. There are plenty of fine dining establishments that serve an elevated version of fried chicken. In that case, knives and forks are A-OK and, in fact, preferred. This is not that time. This is not that place. This is a dude eating food out of a bucket – in a private jet. Let’s briefly look at all of the times when Trump tried to assimilate into Earth culture and failed miserably.

Pizza with a knife and fork

Pizza: best enjoyed with utensils, if you’re Trump. Photograph: ABC

Here’s Donald Trump, New Yorker, eating pizza with a fork and knife. That’s like if I, a Los Angelino, threw a burrito in a blender and drank it. Perhaps his fingers are too short to adequately grasp the greasy, doughy treat. Still, there is no excuse for this. This is the commoner’s equivalent of pairing red wine with seafood. You’ll notice that to Trump’s right is the former Alaska governor Sarah Palin. Palin doesn’t eat much pizza, as she’s quite skeptical of exotic dishes from foreign nations like Italy, so she is understandably amazed by what she is witnessing. I’m not surprised that Mr Trump, a patrician dolt, would eat pizza with a fork, but I was a little shocked that he doesn’t eat his pizza crust-first.

The taco bowl

Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! https://t.co/ufoTeQd8yA pic.twitter.com/k01Mc6CuDI — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 5, 2016

I’ve already spoken at length about Mr Trump’s Mexican adventure. It was an embarrassing attempt to curry favor with an ethnic group he has repeatedly maligned both before and during the 2016 presidential campaign. That he did it with a bastardized version of Mexican food invented in America should tell you all you need to know about his particular interest in their culture.

KFC with a knife and fork

Mr Trump, have you ever been to a cookout? Would you eat a hot dog with a knife and fork? How about a hamburger? If this guy got his baby hands on a bowl of potato chips, he’d probably reach for a soup ladle.

If this really is a subtle dig at his opponent, then I’d suggest Mr Trump think a bit more about what his actual goals are in this campaign. If it’s to convince anyone with a brain to vote for him, he’s going about it the wrong way. If it’s to prove he eats people food and not lightbulbs, he’s doing a bit better. If he’s just hoping to inflame the passions of a portion of the electorate that finds Hillary Clinton to be the most detestable individual on the planet, he’s crushing it. No one else is going to look at a rich guy eating a bucket of chicken and connect it to Hillary Clinton, especially those of us not amused by a piece of sexist merchandise freely hawked all over GOP public events. Donald Trump is not going to win this election with passive-aggressive tweets. He’s certainly not going to win by posing for photos with his lunch.