The Impotent Satyr

The Olympia Film Society presents The Divine Clamedy: Speedy's Inferno

Due to a recent lack of monetary backing, the board of directors at The Olympia Film Society has resorted to crude hand gestures in front of a light in lieu of movies.





"Tom [McDonald] can do a pretty convincing alligator," says Rob Richards about his fellow board member.





"I don't mean to brag," McDonald acknowledges humbly, "but it's true. Coincidentally, and unrelated to the alligator shadow, I can also reenact nearly all of Burt Reynolds' parts from Gator using just eight of my fingers. Though I do require an extra hand for the...beach scene."





Everyone has chipped in and has been learning to shape all different kinds of creatures, political figures, school mascots, and 1998 Olympic Figure Skating Silver Medalists using their hands and fingers.





"I can make a rock," piped up Tom Rieger, holding a fist in the air.





"You sure can, buddy," Rob agreed before turning back to me. "I know what you're probably thinking, but his rock is very convincing. Plus, he can hold it perfectly still for an hour and a half, if we need him to."





"The countless hours I spent communicating strictly through charades with my now-estranged family and ex has prepared me for this day," Michelle Sadlier told The Impotent Satyr with excitement. "They laughed at me when I made ASP (American Sign Puppets) my major in college. Well, look who's laughing now." Michelle then made a figure in motion with her hands. "It's Osama Bin Laden; he's laughing." She then made a cartoonish airplane sound with her mouth and followed it up by blowing a quick but wet raspberry. "And now he's falling out of a plane into the North Arabian Sea."





Rob continued dolling out praise for the hard work everyone had been putting in. "And Jacob over there can make an uncanny Abraham Lincoln with the top hat, beard, and everything. But he won't tell us how he does it, and he won't let us look behind the curtain."





When I asked Jacob if he'd divulge his secret, he hissed at me and then seemingly amalgamated himself with the Capital Theater building.





By showtime that night, Tom Rieger was down in the lobby, propping open the door with his fist.