Cats would vote to leave EU and then refuse to go out

Britain’s cats would vote to leave the EU but refuse to go out once the door was opened, they have announced.

Despite yowling desperately to be let out, they would take one look at the climate on the other side of the door before silently returning to the settee and licking themselves oblivious to the annoyance of everyone.

Any attempts to force them out through the door would be met either with entirely fake affection and purring, or a wild psychotic rage, pretty much at random.

Cats went on to reserve the right to keep asking to leave the EU every so often, just so they could take a look outside and see if it smelled interesting or not.

Local cat Snuffleman Purrliams told us that it was important to keep your options open, and if the post-Brexit world looked as cold and unpleasant as it’s beginning to appear, then they’d like to go and check all the other exits as well.

EU President Tusk was nonplussed by the cat’s position.

He told reporters, “We usually say it’s better to have people inside the tent pissing out, but with a great big mangy ginger Tom, we’ll make an exception.

“They just piss everywhere and it makes the whole place honk to high heaven.”

In related news, French cats have confirmed they’ll keep right on spitting at you and coming into your garden for a crap whether the UK leaves or not.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!