Does your guy prefer spending time in his Man Cave over your pleasure cave? It’s not his fault: Your cootch has zero neon beer signs in it! Why would he want to spend any time there? Make these additions to your basement den so the only place he will want to watch the game is from inside your vagina!

Doritos Crumbs

The best part of eating Doritos is licking the cheese residue and crumbs off of your fingers. And you would know how much he loves Doritos crumbs! After all, you’re theoretically only allowed in the Man Cave to clean it up. Adding tasty fake neon cheese crumbs will definitely make him feel comfortable around your lady parts.

Light Beer

Like any real man’s man, your man loves beer! He has a plaque that reads “If there’s no beer in heaven, then I ain’t going” that hangs above a robotic singing fish. You’re going to have to douse yourself in beer if you’re going to send signals to his brain’s pleasure centers.

1970 New York Knicks Poster

Make him feel at home by hanging a vintage poster of his favorite team on your privates! Reminding him of athletic man stuff will help offset all the icky estrogen pouring out of you. Plus, he can tear through it with his dick like he’s running out onto the court through a throng of cheerleaders like a real athlete!

His Best Friend, “Chunk”

Nothing says, “I’m a cool girl who’s down to hang” than by chilling with his best dude! Invite his friend David from his adult hockey team, even though David goes by the nickname Chunk even though he’s 40.

The Smell of Mildew

From the few times you’ve snuck inside the Man Cave, you know it smells incredibly musty no matter how much work you do to keep it clean. By making your vagina smell like mildew and moth balls, he’ll be reminded of lazy Godfather marathon viewings, and you’ll make sure that the only Man Cave he wants to hang in is your own.

It’s hard being a modern woman, especially when you’re competing with a flat screen TV and a collection of found golf balls. Bring the odds back into your favor by curating the real “cave” of his desires!