LOS ANGELES, CA—A small child was found trapped yesterday afternoon in the interior of its scorchingly hot mother, whom officials estimated to be as hot as a 9 or even a full 10.

“There’s no telling how long that poor kid has been left to broil inside that smoke show,” said rescue technician Chris Matheson, first to arrive on the scene. “Seven, seven and a half months? I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Onlookers also struggled to make sense of how the helpless infant had managed to survive so long.

“Leaving a child in any unventilated area is negligent to say the least,” said bystander Jason Petropoulos, himself a father of two. “But inside a five-alarm MILF like that? Christ, it makes me sick.”