The Pope Defends Free Speech… That He Agrees With

I know that everyone is all in love with Pope Francis and everything, but he really isn’t that much different from his predecessor, Pope Palpatine. On Thursday during an airplane interview, the Pope let his real opinions slip out.

Usually when the Pope says something off script it is something like, “We shouldn’t treat gay people like second-class citizens… but they are still evil sinner headed for eternal torture in Hell.” Or “Atheists can go to Heaven too… if they just believed in God and worshiped Jesus.” Then the Vatican comes out a day later and says, “The Pope didn’t mean that first part of those statements; sorry for the confusion. He’s old.”

But this time the Vatican isn’t walking back anything. The Pope said that if you criticize religion, you should expect to be punched in the face. You talk shit about his mom and he’ll fucking kill you even if you are his best friend who he probably fucks. Nah, who am I kidding, Alberto is way too old for him.

But don’t get old Jorge Mario wrong, he is all for free speech… as long as it is speech he agrees with. If you criticize any of his ideas or beliefs, he will fuck you up with a right hook and then he just might order an old-fashion inquisitor or water-board you until you confess to being a witch… and then burn you at the stake. That’s how it was done when the Pope ruled the world and it seems like little has changed except of course that now the Pope doesn’t rule the world!

Pope Francis wants to go back to the days where any criticism or satire of the Church was met with violence. It’s good to see he takes that whole turn the other cheek thing serious. Maybe Pastor Eric Dammann should punch him in the chest as hard as he can and crumple him.

If my friend the Pope over here told me that I’m not allowed to criticize his ridiculous beliefs, he can expect a punch in the face. It’s normal, it’s normal. Not to worry Frankie, I’m not a violent person. I turn the other cheek. 😉

With that said, I think I’ll leave you with Mr. Deity who nailed it spot on. Enjoy:



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