REPUBLICANS have argued that Trump’s impeachment has lowered the standard for impeachment from its previous high point of an Oval Office chewy.

The party is furious at Democrats for impeaching Trump for abusing the power of his office to investigate a political opponent, when it should be reserved for national-security-threatening suckings-off.

Republican leader Mitch McConnell said: “The president has not placed his penis in the mouths of any women he is not married to. Well he has, but that’s not the issue here.

“Impeachment is a serious process that should be reserved for serious crimes. Anything from first base – touching the breasts under the clothes – to third base, which as we established in the 90s, is a blowjob.

“So the president stopped aid to Ukraine unless they got dirt on Joe Biden. Big deal. I don’t see any oral stimulation in that mix, so the Senate must acquit.”

Fox news anchor Steve Doocy agreed: “Trump did not even get his johnson wet. This is a travesty of justice.

“But we have new evidence that in 2004 Hillary Clinton got her nipples tweaked while in office as senator for New York. We’re calling for the death penalty.”