Well, it’s taken nearly a year, but my blog is finally starting to attract attention from hardcore Creationists keen to set me straight. Now abide these three: Donald McSanders, ‘seriously?‘, and napplegate. But the greatest of these is napplegate, who attended an ACE school and has come here to defend its greatness against the heathen attack. Keep in mind as you’re reading this that this is a successful ACE student – ie, this is how ACE intends for its graduates to think.

In fairness, I believe napplegate is using a form of his/her real name (N Applegate), and what appears to be a genuine email address, which already puts him/her a cut above ‘seriously?’, who anonymously writes to inform us “We were taught to read so that we could read the Holy Bible”.

You might want to do some research on the dates of the earliest written language vs. the dating of the Bible there, Chuck.

napplegate, on the other hand, is a genius. At one point, I genuinely had no idea if he was a Poe, but I’m now pretty sure he’s for real. Here are some highlights from his comments on the blog (which are in breach of my comment policy, but I’m finding them too amusing to delete).

napplegate on cryptozoology:

when you have over 1000 sightings of the loch-ness monster, your conclusion should probably be that there likely is a monster(a plesiasaurous) in there. That picture on the Japanese vessel was an actual photograph (link)

The last sentence is especially delightful. No one’s denying the picture was an actual photograph; it’s just that it happens to be a picture of a dead shark.

“As long as there are people who believe in the unreal…?” Nessie is real. There is another dinosaur in the Congo River called Mokele – Mbembe. The Natives in the area consider it sacred. An Evolutionist went over to see if this thing was real. He went to the natives to know more about it. They told him what it ate and where to find the plant it eats. He showed them some pictures of animals that live in the area like hippos and crocodiles. He asked them if they ever see any of those animals. The natives confirmed that they see them a lot. Thinking they were just saying “yes” to please him, he then showed them pictures of animals that only live in North America like the grizzly bear. The natives said that they had never seen those at all. The evolutionist then got in a boat and went down- stream a little bit. A little later, to his suprise, he saw Mokele- Mbembe. Relaying this to his science class later that week, he said that he was surprised that the dinosaurs had survived this long. This is a true story that took place in the late 1800″s. A group of Dutch settlers in the 1830″s went to the same area. Only one returned home. He reported to the Dutch government that there are dinosaurs in the Congo. (link) These sightings of Nessie go back long before Darwin wrote his book.(The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection , Or the Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life. Aha bet you didn’t know the title was that long.) (link)

napplegate on genetics:

How does something as complex as DNA evolve from random chance? just one tablespoon of DNA decides everything about you. Mutations in DNA don’t introduce a new characteristic like giving a dinosaur feathers and wings, they are just pieces of DNA mixed up or scrambled. Take the word Christmas for example. You can mix up the letters, even take out letters and get different words. You would get the words Christ, mas, Sam, smart, ham, cam, stir, and mat, but you will never get words like zebra, queen, and phone because the letters are not there. You can never get a bird from a dinosaur because the information of a bird was not in the dinosaur’s DNA. The dinosaur might get an extra leg but that will not help him. The dinosaur cannot run any faster. Mutations cause a lot of disease but nothing that would improve it. (link)

Don’t stop, napplegate. Are you available for children’s parties?

napplegate on solar fusion:

Solar fusion is not a lie. A group of NASA scientists, (the American space agency, which specializes with cosmic science) measured the size of the sun over the period of a few years and found that the sun shrinks five feet per hour. If solar fusion does not happen, why are stars exploding and becoming novas and super novas? (link)

This is just brilliant. napplegate is here seeking to defend ACE’s argument that the sun is shrinking rapidly, and therefore must be young (which isn’t true). But the trouble is that napplegate hasn’t understood the argument. ACE are claiming that solar fusion is a lie, as it contradicts their argument. napplegate, by contrast, thinks that solar fusion = shrinking sun, so argues in favour of solar fusion.

Oh napplegate, at least attempt to understand the argument you’re making.

napplegate on the co-existence of dinosaurs and humans:

How are the human tracks along-side the dino tracks fake? FYI the top layer of silt was removed(as they were buried under a layer of silt on a riverbed) to see if they were fake. To the surprise of everyone, more human tracks were found along-side dino tracks. They removed six more layers only to find the same thing. Now you explain to me how one can make fake tracks on six layers of silt and setiment if each layer is supposed to take millions of years to form. (link)

Warning

So, of course, napplegate attended an Accelerated Christian Education school:

I attend an ACE school. I have never seen one shread of political bias, scientific inaccuracy, or historical event taught wrong that these morons who started this sight and similar sights allege that are in those PACES.

I’m a moron, apparently. And presumably he means “site”.

If you’re not bored yet, you can read the epic thread which started all this nonsense, over at Michael Barbour’s Virtual Schooling blog, where napplegate goes on at great length, without regard for evidence or paragraphs. And then you can read more of his comments on this blog, here, here, here, here, here (Wahey, more on Nessie!), and here.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I present you with a cautionary tale. Don’t send your children to Accelerated Christian Education schools, or they might wind up like napplegate.

Or, if you think napplegate seems like a sensible kind of guy, you could take his advice instead:

the public schools don’t just “teach” Evolutionism, they endoctrinate you to believe it. That is, they only show Evolutionism and do not present the case for Creationism at all in their books.

Related posts:

Leaving Fundamentalism is now on facebook. Please like it!