Okay gang, here’s my first device on offer … a Clommex TM Hamburger Patty Size Calculator in NEAR-MINT CONDITION. I picked this up at a restaurant warehouse sale. The way it works is, you make a bunch of hamburger patties and put them on the grill and then place the calculator’s measurement tentacle on the grill and then the LCD screen tells you if any of the hamburger patties are smaller than any of the other patties. (See in the photograph, where that one patty is smaller than the other patties? The calculator display reflects that disparity.)

Grill with confidence! Make sure all your burgers are the same size, so nobody feels ripped off and screams at you and makes you feel humiliated. The minimum reserve bid for this device is listed on the photograph … email me if you’re interested in this rare item (discontinued by Clommex due to frivolous lawsuits from the FDA).