HAIL MARY

Speaking on behalf of all queer people, everyone’s favourite reality TV show is BACK and my oh my are we glad to see it.

12 seasons of Drag Race, besides being COLOSSALLY IMPRESSIVE (well done Ru, Michelle, team) completely has the potential to be tiring. The concept has been running for 10+ years now, spanning 4 all stars seasons, 4 international spin-offs and a Christmas special that frankly gives me shivers to even *think* about. I think it’s safe to say that in Season 11 of the main series, I suffered from a completely overdose of Drag Race – I was so uninvested, found the challenges to be tired and the storylines they were pushing (the showmance between two of the queens, Brooke Lynn Hytes and Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, the big girl vs others, the weirdo vs others) to be overdone and frankly underwhelming. I really wasn’t too excited by the lead up to Season 12, but god after watching two episodes I take it ALL BACK.

The talent of the queens, the BUDGET of the show, Nicki Minaj’s guest appearance, the lipsyncs so far… oh YES, this has the potential to be a great season indeed. This review won’t be discussing Sherry Pie out of respect for everything that’s gone on. Aside from that whole situation, these two episodes have been strong additions to the Drag Race canon and I can’t wait to share my thoughts. Also, I’ll be throwing my fantasy predictions into the ring so strap in and settle down!

//EPISODE SPOILERS AHEAD//

EPISODE 1: REVIEW

We’ll start where it makes most sense…

In a callback to Season 6, we meet the queens in a split premiere. I LOVE this idea, as it properly gives you time to enjoy EVERYONE without feeling suffocated by the amount of new faces and aesthetics to take in. I feel like this first episode allowed everyone screen-time to shine, and it really showed off every queen in a great light, setting up the season from the best vantage point.

Besides being an utter bop, I’m That Bitch was so cohesively and coherently performed. They really did the damn thing and sold it to us as a GROUP, while all having their own individual moments, lines and moves that made me smile.

I’ll go through the queens individually to make this a bit more fun, discussing their performances and my prediction of their placement in the competition.

Entrance Line: ‘Here we go sis…y’all thirsty?’ (I was unknowingly for Crystal/Nicky who were about to walk in)

Performance: She did well. I think Episode 1 was so stacked with incredible looks, verses and confessional quotes, and she kind of got lost in the grey somewhere. Plus, her mini-challenge runway looks were nice… but kind of only ‘nice’ for me. Probably a boot?

What’s her narrative going to be?: Great answer, I know, but I genuinely couldn’t tell you. Am struggling to place her in the pack. I think she’ll be loud, charismatic and energetic throughout, but she’s either going to need to win episode 3/4 or I think she could be an early out.

How long’s she lasting?: Like I said, probably 9th-11th. She’s a great queen, and I love her reference points and sense of humour, but I don’t know if her brand is new or unique enough to make her stand out in this specific crowd. That being said, she’s obviously a huge name in NYC and she’ll get what she needs out of the show while still retaining her fantastic reputation – a win, win.

Anything else to add: I wonder if she misses her last name?

Entrance Line: ‘Well, that was a long flight’ (love it, branding queen, we see you)

Performance: The judges may have critiqued her for her stage presence but I was MESMERISED by her pop-girl looks the whole of the rap challenge. Plus, her mini-challenge look with the monocle and exaggerated suit silhouette was sublime.

What’s her narrative going to be?: I’m predicting she’ll be the fashion queen that is always being outdone by Gigi, have some bitchy confessionals which we’ll EAT up, and maybe have an Untucked breakdown by episode 5?

How long’s she lasting?: I’m seeing Nicky Doll make top 10 and that’s about it, sadly. She’ll probs get shunted on an acting challenge because of some bullshit about her accent and not delivering the lines well, and then Michelle will laud about some critiques that she’s relying on her body-ody-ody. The lipsync will be against a dance-strong queen and she’ll be good, but not enough to remember her by in the next episode.

Anything else to add: anyone get French Courtney Act vibes?

Entrance Line: ‘Relax your throat bitches, ’cause you’re gagging’ (she really set herself up for an iconic first ep within 0.2 seconds of her entrance, very ‘I was a TOTAL SLAG’ reminiscent of Vinegar Strokes)

Performance: Based on the Meet the Queens and promo shots, I really regretfully overlooked Widow. She ate this first episode up, from her confessionals, to the choreography, to the lyrical content of her verse, to its accompanying performance, and finally THAT M-F-ING LIPSYNC. Wow. It really was hers for the taking.

What’s her narrative going to be?: I think she’ll get quite the up and down edit, portrayed to be really high when performing well, and nearer the bottom of the pack otherwise. She’ll crush any lipsync though and seems poised to take the mantle of this season’s assassin.

How long’s she lasting?: She’ll ride off of this win for a while, pick up another one closer to the finale and secure her rightful spot in that coveted top 4.

Anything else to add: Getting strong vibes she’ll flop in the makeover episode and eliminate Jackie Cox?

Entrance Line: ‘Roll call…I’m Jackie! Salaam! The Persian princess of drag has arrived!’

Performance: Jackie kinda did the damn thing and turnt the damn party. The start of ‘I’m That Bitch’ where she throws her hands in the air while spreading her legs was pretty iconic, and her rap was lyrically one of the strongest on the roster.

What’s her edit going to be?: I’m sensing seeds of a cocky edit for Jackie. She’ll be consistently one of the strongest girls, but not be afraid to mention it every episode and probably ruffle a few feathers. It won’t stop her being a very viable contender for the crown, but out of all of the congenial dolls in there (they all seem SO NICE this season), I hope she doesn’t venture too far into Jackie Cocky.

How long’s she lasting?: I’m backing Jackie to that coveted top 5 spot: Katya, DeLa, Alexis Michelle, Miz Cracker. She’ll be a big part of the season, and probably bag a couple of wins on her way. She’ll ultimately get kicked out in what has been dubbed the ‘storyline’ exit, where whoever sashays at 5th place is said to be used as a springboard into a more narratively strong top 4.

Anything else to add: will SMASH snatch game with an old and obscure queer reference 90% of the audience won’t recognise.





Entrance Line: ‘America, it’s time to stop hiding in the closet!’ followed by that tongue thing which I was was equal parts transfixed and haunted by.

Performance: Her looks may have been the weakest of a very strong bunch this week, and Nicki Minaj herself may have hate, haTE, HATED her make-up, but Heidi KILLED the rap challenge. Even post-trauma kale, Heidi flipped and kicked her way to an iconic verse.

What’s her narrative going to be?: I think she’ll get the classic ‘I don’t have the money of the other girls’ storyline, Michelle will tell her to level it up after two bottom 2’s in a row (but fierce lipsync performances to save herself). She’ll grab a quick win in the briefest redemption arc of all time, before landing in the bottom again in Snatch Game and her track record sends her packing.

How long’s she lasting?: I’m sensing a 7th/8th place. Sticks around long enough to provide some great confessionals, but her conventionally perceived ‘outdated’ drag could be the death of her. Don’t worry, she could snatch an improv win before she goes. BUT… good luck to anyone lipsyncing against her, that’s for sure.

Anything else to add: I frankly don’t care for the judges laughing, I love her name and am unashamed to admit it.

Entrance Line: ‘Ahoy’ (probably the most underwhelming of them all, had no impact; but she made up for it LEAPS AND BOUNDS with the other 50 minutes of the episode)

Performance: G-G-G-G-G-Gigi Goode. That’s all to be honest. She took 20 seconds on the main-stage, and 2 runway looks to canonise herself as a proper contender for the crown this season. Definitely deserving of the top placement this week, and although I agree whole-heartedly with Widow’s win after she turned THAT party, Gigi really held her own. Dripping in charisma, glitter (she doesn’t wear rhinestones) and stage presence galore.

What’s her narrative going to be?: A lot of the girls on the season have said she was really helpful at lending a hand in the workroom so I hope this comes through on the edit. I think they’ll really ham up this idea that she’s both FASHION and COMEDY which have notoriously, and wrongly I think, long been treated as two polar opposite fields in the Drag Race world.

How long’s she lasting?: I’ll be shocked if she’s not top 3/4. From there, if they do another Lipsync Royale, she has a strong chance at competing for the crown I think.

Anything else to add: I’m genuinely unsure where her downfall episode is going to be. Obviously it’s been *cough* one week of her appearance, but she seems to have enough talent for acting, singing, rapping, dancing and fashion. How selfish, let the other girls have a look in.

Entrance Line: ‘Who’s ready to party and play? Checkers anyone?’

Performance: Aside from some obscure padding and the fact nothing rhymed with ‘METHYD’ in her rap, Crystal WON MY HEART this episode. Yeah she’s cute as a boy, BUT SHE PUSHES DRAG and has one of the most exciting aesthetics I’ve seen on the show in a LONG time. Come on Devil, come on Freddie Kruger, come on clown look that preludes her season win.

What’s her narrative going to be?: A more appreciated Milk-from-the-future-esque vibe, the lovable weirdo who has surprisingly good fashion but even better conceptual drag. Don’t get me wrong, Michelle will almost definitely band around comments she’s being too ‘costumey’ or ‘we don’t know who CRYSTAL is yet’ (this is always dumb to me, her costume is her aesthetic?) but I think she’s got the chops to stick around through it.

How long’s she lasting?: She may not be the next winner of drag race, but I think she’s got a top 6 in her. She’s funny, can rap, can dance at least confidently (which is the most important part), and I’m sure she’ll be great at an acting challenge. I won’t be surprised if she’s consistently high, has a few lows, but only has to lipsync once before her demise.

Anything else to add: praying to god the ‘dress like a clown, become a drag race winner’ theory holds true to this one. She’s my stand out so far.

^ me with Crystal in anything she does this season

EPISODE 2

Another strong episode, despite the painful viewing experience having to sit through *THAT MANY* Sherry Pie confessionals/moments. I will say though, I think if I was a queen in this episode sitting at home watching the first premiere, I would feel a little shunted. THEY MISSED NICKI. I’m That Bitch was 10x better as a track. AND they don’t have that first episode viewing figure clout.

That being said, Rock was a ball of energy, Jaida was captivating in EVERY scene, and Dahlia actually had a whole one episode glow-up arc pulling THOSE looks.

Entrance Line: ‘All tuck and no play makes Rock M a crazy bitch’ followed by one of the entrances which GENUINELY made me laugh the most in the show’s history. Her comedy is infectious.

Performance: I didn’t expect to see the Werkroom backstory/breakdown after a particularly strong episode from Rock. She showcased buckets of personality, I was genuinely gasped, gagged and mouth agape at her runway looks (had her down as more comedy than fashion forward) and her Fosse accent was great.

What’s her narrative going to be?: I’m scared she’ll get critiqued for not having the maturity/taking the competition seriously enough to progress further than top 6. But, as a caricature of everything Rock, drag, anime, comedy etc, her personality alone should surely see her sail through the first half of the competition?

How long’s she lasting?: We’ll pluck for an 8th?

Anything else to add: Personally, loved the fart.

Entrance Line: ‘Are you ready to live a little, sin a lot?’ (LOVED THIS to be very honest)

Performance: I started the episode thinking Dahlia was very pipey, and wouldn’t amount to much personality-wise (plus, that beard line was very Willam’s run in season 4). That being said, Dahlia pulled three of the best looks of the episode – Spring runway, Fall runway, Tulle runway – and her performance, while probably the least exciting, had that fun moment where she spent 5 seconds moaning.

What’s her narrative going to be?: Sadly, can see her being a fairly early out with critiques that she’s not really expanding herself beyond her fashion & ‘they don’t know who DAHLIA is’.

How long’s she lasting?: Not sure how she’d be in an acting/improv challenge, I’m a little scared for her next week to be honest but we’re going to have to hope she’ll stick around for at least 3.

Anything else to add: I know comparing new queens to past queens is a bit old-hat, but she’s the Aja x Naomi Smalls x Kimora love-child I didn’t know I needed. SHE IS STUNNING.

Entrance Line: ‘Hey y’all, let’s play some basketball’ (no Jan, we didn’t catch the reference, but the effort was undeniable)

Performance: Jan really surprised me in her first episode. I had completely underrated her from her Meet the Queens and various promotional gigs, but she really came out the gates ROLLING didn’t she? The cartwheel, the high note, the enthusiasm exuding from every bone in her body. It was overwhelming, but I don’t think you can ever critique a queen or contestant for putting in TOO much and it was a great introduction to her.

What’s her narrative going to be?: I think she’ll get too pent up in the ‘Drag Race’isms of it all, and forget to showcase who SHE really is (alright, Michelle). She’ll probably stick around for 4-5 episodes with the same infectious energy, until she goes up against Heidi in a lipsync and gets sent packing. Cue a breakdown while leaving the Werkroom.

How long’s she lasting?: Plucking for a plucky 11.

Anything else to add: I hate, hate, HAAAAATED her wig in the performance & the one for the builder look. Elsa can put the tools away.

Entrance Line: ‘HEY BITCHES: she’s heeeeeeeere’

Performance: From her cheekbones in her confessionals, to her Fall runway look to her lyrics AND performance in ‘You Don’t Know Me’, Jaida Essence was the moment. Fully deserving of the win this week, and she received an interesting ‘hero’ edit in light of the recent Sherry Pie revelations that I’m not sure how the public would have perceived instead. Interesting.

What’s her narrative going to be?: In the first (well, second) episode alone, Jaida has proven herself as a performer, a lipsyncer, a fashion-forward queen, a seamstress AND she has buckets of personality to match. I don’t know where Jaida would slip up (feel like she’ll have one inevitable bottom, but will ride pretty high the whole competition). She might get a bitchy edit being the strong black queen – *rolls eyes at drag race producers* – but here’s hoping she sticks round ’til the very end.

How long’s she lasting?: If I was another queen on the roster, I’d be nervous of the prospect of Jaida. She’s a definite pick for my top 4.

Anything else to add: Yes, her shoulders are nice but if I had that FACE/MUG I would redirect some of the attention

Entrance Line: ‘Season 12 is about to be in-zhane’ (followed by the quietest reaction by the other 5 larger-than-life queens in the Werkroom)

Performance: I was confused by how I was judging Aiden the entire episode. At first, I thought she’d be too in her shell and that would be a downfall – she proved me wrong in the performance, which she KILLED. I didn’t like her mini-challenge runway looks AT ALL (especially that sunflower gnome hat that looked a bit like you could make it in arts and crafts aged 6), but her main challenge Tulle runway was flawless.

What’s her narrative going to be?: Initial reviews are pointing to an underdog edit, how exciting. She’s genuinely going to be such a fun queen to root for.

How long’s she lasting?: While her underdog edit suggests she’ll stick around longer than the first-out I had her down as to start with, I DO still think her quieter personality and unpolished looks could send her packing in the bottom third of the pack.

Anything else to add: The GALL to wear the same wig three looks in a row in your first episode is the attitude I love to see on drag race.

So… what are my early predictions for this season??

I made a fun little fantasy table to make them clear.

This has Gigi and Jaida with 3 wins each.

Widow, Sherry and Jackie all pick up 2.

And then there’s just enough to see Crystal and Heidi pick up one a piece too.

I don’t want to see Dahlia, Nicki or Rock go that early though (or Sherry last that long) so here’s hoping I’m wrong.

All in all and drama-aside, Season 12 has kicked off to two great episodes, challenges and sets of queens. I like that we’re hanging around until episode 3 to start giving some girls the chop – it feels instantly fairer this way and allows them all the chance to improve their social media following in the meantime. I fully agree with what everyone online is saying – these queens all seem so strong and unique in their own right, this season is definitely going to be an exciting one. The fashion queens are PERFORMERS, the performance queens are ASSASSINS and Jaida Essence Hall looks like she can do about everything.

There’s an online hubbub of people saying this season is shaping to up to be a return to a golden form for drag-race, and I’m not sure I can FULLY agree after just two episodes. But, what I will say is that besides Drag Race UK, this cast and season atmosphere has made me the most compelled I’ve felt since Season 9 and I’m READY for some GOOPING MOMENTS.

I want to see re-energised LIPSYNCS that I think have lost their place on the show a little bit, I want to see MORE OBSCURE drag and challenges that pushes the queens further than the standard acting challenges we’ve watched for a decade now, and most of all, I want to see a return of the PUPPET mini-challenge. Not too much to ask!