First let me say that I understand alcoholism is a thing and if you suffer from it and you need to tweak on caffeine then all the power to ya. But this guy was sitting next to me last night (manspreading, btw. Crazy rude. He was like 5 foot nothin and was pushing me around the ring) and he housed about five sodas.

But, judging by my eyes and absolutely nothing else, the guy next to me wasn’t an alcoholic. He was just a weirdo. His girl was a weirdo too, with a digital camera instead of a smartphone like the rest of the normies. If you’re a regular person without any debilitating issues, as this guy was (I gave an ocular patdown) then you need to drink either alcohol or water at a sporting event.