Thing #1.



You, who were once so naively in control of the radio, find yourself resorting to playing an ever-changing roulette game involving any and all children’s albums you can think of, no matter how obnoxious you may find most of them, in search of that elusive car nap. (for the baby, not you, though you may in fact be falling asleep at the wheel—this is not to be encouraged.)

Thing #2.



You, who were once so blissfully unaware of things like sleep training debates on the internet, are suddenly sucked into a vortex of screaming angry mothers on the web (SAMOTW) who are ever yelling at each other about when to introduce solids (and when not to) and whether or not ‘cry it out’ is okay. You find yourself accidentally consulting these women en masse in your head. “So, SAMOTW, I decided to let my baby fuss before bedtime tonight.” :cowers in the corner as they throw things: This is not to be encouraged. The SAMOTW are not allowed to bully you. And they could really use a drink. And so could you, probably.



Thing #3.

The Holy Grail in your life used to be a good hair day. Now it’s the specific baby pajama situation that perfectly facilitates middle of the night poopy diaper changes.

Thing #4.

The baby monitor becomes your television set for a while.

Thing #5

Your heart grows ten sizes, which is convenient because you’re still wearing baggy t-shirts to cover up the leftover pregnancy belly. (real talk…I totally still wear maternity jeans right now.)

This is by no means a comprehensive list. And SAMOTW, if you’re reading this, go grab a margarita and come back and let’s work this thing out. Thx. <3