I’ve had one great love in my life. Like all tales of romance, passion, and near-obsession, this love has brought me intense highs (literally) and phenomenal crashes (also literally). This love, is of course, sugar. And it’s one for the ages. But, as I get older and my body marches on towards osteoporosis and wild metabolic changes, I’ve come to realize that my beloved sweet mistress and I just aren’t the way we once were. She stands in the way of my health (and you know, a sexy beach bod), she brings me migraines, she torments me by looking so fucking good every day then setting my heart on fire. And so, I’ve made the decision to deny her—or at least limit her. If you, like me, seek to free yourself of her tasty grip, here are a few practical tips to cut her out of your life.

1. Purge Your Kitchen

There are those of us out there who have the will power to surround ourselves with temptation and then summon superhuman strength to resist. These people are called sadists. I am not one of them. Like a bad relationship, you must expunge all remnants of sugar from your life. There are two ways to do this. The first is to eat all the sugar left in your home and have the equivalent of some crazy wild breakup fling. The second is to toss it to the curb. Throw it out. Get it gone. Only when you are free, can you truly move on. And, of course, don’t go down the Entenmann’s aisle at the grocery store.

2. Tell Everybody

This is important, especially as we approach the holidays where people just shove plates of cookies in your face and are like “Merry Christmas!!! Here’s some love handles, hope you love them!!! Made them myself!!!” But, you can’t blame them. For all they know, you’re still cozying up with sugar every night in a blissful symphony of love. But, if they understand that you’re cutting it out to achieve fitness goals and to feel better, they’ll hopefully assist you. And their harmless entreaties to eat dessert will disappear. Temptation thwarted.

3. Prepare to Feel Shitty

If you eat a lot of sugar, to the point of addiction, let’s say, get ready for a rough few days. They’ll be especially hard if you’re going to cut it out entirely as opposed to limiting. You’ll remember the good times you had: all those late nights in the kitchen that spilled over into the bedroom, long walks together after a trip to the ice cream parlor in the summer, and every birthday you can remember. Your head will pound and you’ll feel sick. You’ll think that getting back together is just the thing. And yes, you’ll feel great for a night, but you’ll wake up the next morning, realize what you’ve done and hate yourself. Just know that you may be an emotional and/or physical wreck when you start down this path. But you’ll get over it! In about one to four weeks, says science.

4. Distract Yourself When Cravings Hit

Sugar is a manic pixie stick dream girl from Hell. The cravings will hit you hard. But just imagine how your life will be when all of that is over! No more racing heart, no more sickly sweet stomach aches, and no more waking up in the middle of the night because of a bad sugar dream. Just know that sugar cravings can come out of nowhere, and the second you see it, smell it, or taste it, you go berserk. One M&M becomes a handful, which then becomes a bag, which becomes a “well, I’ve already screwed myself for today” box of cookies. That momentary craving is maddening, but if you focus and know that in about five minutes you’ll be over it, you’ll be fine. Have a cold glass of water, and wait for it to pass. Or simply just walk away and distract yourself with something else. I get the appeal of a quickie, but it’s toxic.

5. Know You'll Look Great the Next Time You See Her

After a while, you’re going to notice a change in how you look. You’ll be slimmer, maybe stronger, a better version of yourself. You’ll be feeling great too—lean, mean, clean, and so on. You should be very stoked on this. So then, the next time you see her, sitting in some cafe doing that thing she used to do that made you salivate, you’ll know that at the very least you look great. Better than you ever did. You’re on to bigger and better things now, because you’re way better off without her. And you know it.