Chapter Text

“I can’t keep doing this Bobby,” I said, tears streaming down my face, “it hurts both of us and I don’t want to keep putting you through it.”

He just stood there staring at me. Every now and then his mouth opened to say something but he never did. I couldn’t look into his eyes because I knew that one glance would make me regret everything I had said. I kept my eyes glued to the ground and heard him start to walk towards me.

“I’m fine being hurt by you.” I could feel he was waiting for me to reply so I looked up. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears and he grabbed my hands pulling me into a hug. I let him hold me for a bit before pushing him away and wiping the tears from my face. I turned my back on him and walked towards the door, grabbing my bags and my keys.

“But I’m not okay with hurting you.” I stopped just before I closed the door and took a moment to look around our apartment.

We’d moved in together about a month after winning Love Island and had our 1 year anniversary about a week ago. The memories in the place were all happy but now that was ruined. I was going on tour for 3 months and it didn’t feel fair leaving him. I knew that he wouldn’t handle the break-up well but it seemed to get it over and done with now was for the best. If not now it would be the next tour or the one after that. The band needed me. I was the drummer and songwriter. The only reason I’d signed up for the show was that I had a bad reputation with relationships never lasting due to the pressure of my job and figured it would be a bit of fun. If I’d of known I would meet Bobby, the love of my life, I can’t say I would choose to go back in time and undo it because this had been the best year of my life, but I do regret it. As soon as I started to fall for the Scotsman in the villa all my worries were washed away and soaked up by the Mallorcan sun, however, on the outside, the insecurities popped up again. He constantly reassured me that he would cope with it but it was best for myself to have a clear headspace while on tour.

I was snapped out of my daydream by Bobby getting worked up, “So are you going to leave or what then?! You’re killing me, Lilia. Please, just stay.” I shook my head and looked at him for one last time.

“I’m sorry.” I closed the door and chocked back a cry when I heard him slam his fist against the door. I sat back on the wall and stayed there for a while, silently begging he would come after me but he didn’t. I mean, I did tell him not to follow me but that wasn’t me speaking, it was my brain being rational. I knew in my heart this would be the biggest regret of my life but my head told me to get over it.

I hated myself for listening to my head, it was just like what Lottie had said before walking out after Casa Amor, “Listen to your heart, it knows everything.” which was then stupidly followed but Marisol saying, “Sometimes you gotta listen to your brain to save your heart.”

This was a Marisol decision, but why did my heart still feel broken?

After a few more minutes of debating whether to go back inside, I finally picked myself off the floor and left the building. Now I had to stay somewhere. I decided to phone Chelsea, my flight was the next day at 11 pm from Gatwick airport in London and she didn’t live far from there. The only trouble was getting from Glasgow to London at 5 pm. I would probably get a train. “Chelsea?”

“Lilia! OMG haven’t heard from you for ages! How are you?”

“Not great, kinda got an emergency, can I stay at yours tonight?”

“Sure babes, why? You go on tour tomorrow, right? Why aren’t you staying at yours with Bobby?”

“I don’t wanna get into it right now, the train gets in at about 11:50, is that good for you to pick me up?”

“Of course, see you soon! I’m so excited I will open some bubbly for us!!”

“Bye Chels.”

The whole train journey was torture. I knew that every passing second I was getting further and further away from Bobby. If this was the way it was meant to be it would feel easier than this. I knew I’d made a horrible mistake but there was no way I could go back now. God, he wouldn’t even take me back. I could see it in his eyes that he was in disbelief, disbelief that I could be so stupid and stubborn and horrible. I wish I could’ve told him that he did nothing wrong, that he treated me perfectly and it was all my fault but I was gone now. Maybe I could text him later or was that cruel?

Suddenly it was my stop, as soon as I stepped off the train it was instantly warmer than Glasgow and felt familiar. My whole childhood and early adulthood were spent here until Love Island happened. I knew Bobby loved Glasgow and I wasn’t against leaving London so I moved up there leaving everything behind. It all felt stupid now like it was worth nothing. Here I was back in London single and broken-hearted. I didn’t dare to think about the memories I’d made with Bobby, even seeing his smile in my head would hurt so much but the sad version I’d implanted in my brain was even worse so I desperately tried not to think about him.

“Lilia!” I looked up and saw Chelsea running up to me and engulfing me in a massive hug. I hugged her back.

“Chels, I haven’t seen you in so long, you look great!”

“I know right! My tan from the villa has like, never faded I swear. I don’t think I’ve seen you since the reunion 2 months ago?”

A guilty look washed over my face, “I’m so sorry, my schedule has been manic and now I’m going on tour. You’ve got a lot to catch up on.” I nervously laughed, dreading having to explain the break-up.

“Oh Lils, come here.” She pulled me into another hug, “I’ll get you home, and we will cuddle on the sofas until the early hours of the morning with a bottle of champagne until we fall asleep sound good?”

I laughed for the first time in days, “couldn’t get better than that.”

I followed Chelsea into her house and instantly I could tell she lived here. It was decorated with quotes all over the walls, plants were on every shelf and her kitchen was white and marble. Photos I recognised from the villa were all over the place. I even spotted a screenshot of me, her and Bobby playing in the pool that she must have got from the episodes.

“I love your house, it’s so homey. Where’s Elijah?”

She squealed, “Oh he’s away for a modelling shoot but will be home tomorrow, and I know right! Being on Love Island helped me pay for this baby.” She patted the walls affectionately before sighing and motioning for me to sit on the sofa, “So babes, tell me what’s up.”

“I um, I kinda broke up with Bobby this morning.”

She went silent, digesting the words for a bit before turning to face me, “you’re fucking kidding me.”

“Nope, dead serious. I just had a feeling it was the right thing to do-”

“Babe, are you kidding me! Yeah, right you ‘just had a feeling’! You and Bobby have been perfect!” She pouted and frowned at me before carrying on, “What’s the real reason.”

“I swear you can read my mind sometimes.” I hesitated, “To be honest, I don’t even know the complete reason. I guess he is always working and with me going away for so long it puts a strain on a relationship. No matter what he said I could tell he was absolutely dreading me leaving. It felt easier than dealing with all the drama of being gone.”

“You have shit reasoning hun. Bobby would go to the moon and back for you, he doesn’t care what your job is and he would’ve made it work somehow, surely you know that?”

“Yeah but that’s it, Chelsea, It’s unfair to put him through the stress.” She slapped me on the arm, “Ow! What’s that for?”

“You being silly. How did he react?”

“Well, that’s just it. He made some sort of joke about always being dumped but then realised I wasn’t kidding around and went speechless. He started getting mad and shouting a bit. Then he got sad and started crying. I just sat next to him on the bed while he cried for about an hour and then I got up to leave. He followed me into the living room and asked me to stay. I apologised and left. I waited for a bit and heard him swearing inside.” Tears started pouring down my face as I almost re-lived it. “I couldn’t look into his eyes. His usual gleam wasn’t there and I hated that I had done that, I’d broken his heart.”

“ I can’t undo what you’ve done and, well, I guess it’s too late now. I support whatever you do next. But I do think you should talk to him. You still love him and he loves you.”

“But I leave tomorrow, there isn’t any time.” I took a moment to reflect on her words and it was all true. “I’ve let my insecurities really fuck it up this time haven’t I?”

“I don’t think so babe, you’re Lilia and Bobby, you’ve always found a way and you always will.”