





Go ahead, be a hero.

A couple of weeks back, my friend Mark Newbold wrote about five spectacular “bad-guy” demises. As a staunch supporter of both the noble Galactic Empire and the First Order’s desperate struggle to restore peace and justice to the galaxy far, far away, I couldn’t let such a biased article stand unchallenged. So here’s a look at SIX (the Empire sets the bar) times the “good guys” weren’t good enough.

1. Say “Ello” to TIE fighter weapons fire, The Force Awakens

When the Resistance engaged in a surprise attack against Starkiller Base, the First Order was more than ready for them. While a small team led by Han Solo (RIP) was able to successfully infiltrate the sun eater and disable its shields, the Abednedo pilot (and fellow Beastie Boys fan) Ello Asty was picked off by Starkiller’s ground defenses. License to ill…REVOKED.

2. General Merrick says so long at Scarif, (Rogue One)

It’s a shame the rebels were too consumed by in-fighting and cowardice to launch a better planned attack on Scarif. Maybe then the general, who admirably saved many of his comrades that day, would’ve had someone to save him before a brave Imperial pilot shot him down. Sorry, Antoc (may I call you by your first name?), kind smiles and a cool mustache are no match for a TIE striker.

3. RIP Jek Porkins, A New Hope

You thought being the first person voted off of the island was bad? Good ol’ Jek has the distinction of being the first rebel pilot killed in action not just in the Battle of Yavin, but also in the entire Star Wars saga. Way to be a trailblazer, dude. You had a problem. You thought you could hold it. You were wrong. Biggs told you to eject. You should have listened to him. Next time, Porkins…think about the future.

4. Short flight, The Empire Strikes Back

The optimism of Luke Skywalker’s gunner, Dak Ralter, was charming. But it was definitely misguided. You can take on the whole Empire yourself? Good luck, buddy.

5. This Guy, The Empire Strikes Back

It’s my guiltiest pleasure during every viewing of The Empire Strikes Back. Just before the gallant General Veers destroys the generators powering Echo Base, he takes a second to dispense the Emperor’s justice upon a fleeing rebel soldier. I can’t help but chuckle every time. Is it overkill? Probably, but if he’d zigzagged he could have survived.

6. Fried Mon Calamari, Return of the Jedi

One shot. One kill. The second Death Star reveals itself as fully operational (Palpatine’s genius on display) by destroying a Mon Calamari cruiser (the first of two) during the Battle of Endor. Looks like the data brought to Mon Mothma by the Bothan spies left out a few things…like shooting fish in a barrel. Zing!

What are your favorite Resistance/rebel demises? Let us know in the comments below!

Justin Bolger is Lucasfilm’s Star Wars social media strategist and he doesn’t like the Empire…he loves it. Catch him occasionally on The Star Wars Show and talk Star Wars with him on Twitter @TheApexFan.