In a new video that you paid for, Sen. Eric Adams instructs parents on how to properly toss their child’s bedroom. The takeaway line, or one of several: “Where there’s smoke, there’s possible fire; where there’s a bullet, there’s possibly a gun.”

At other times, Adams cautions us not to jump to conclusions, but rather use these discoveries as opportunities for communication. Say you’re rooting through your kid’s knapsack and you find a used crack pipe: “Could he have found it on the street? That’s quite possible,” Adams says, “but this is a discussion piece when you should start speaking with him to find out what is he doing with it, and the whole use of drugs.”

In this four-and-a-half-minute video — with a soundtrack that evokes the moody chamber pop of the band Rachel’s — Adams reveals that jewelry boxes, dolls, pillows and bookshelves can be used as hiding places for all sorts of contraband (who knew?) and that “no one can state that you can’t search a room in your own home. You write the Constitution. There are no First Amendment rights inside your own household.” (Or, presumably, Fourth Amendment rights.)

Major doff of the chapeau to Celeste.