Big news coming from Donald Trump. Big. Uuuuge. I have the news before anyone else. Donald Trump is running for president.

Of the Donald Trump Love & Admiration Society. He’s sure to be elected in a landslide.

Oh, that other thing? Nah. No chance.

When Trump declared to the Republican Party of Iowa’s Lincoln Dinner that he is going to make an announcement in June that’s “going to surprise a lot of people,” he wasn’t preparing to launch his long-awaited candidacy. He was simply doing what he always does: Promote the Donald. Generate headlines. Get people talking.

His June announcement is guaranteed to raise all of the excitement of such previous bids for publicity as “Donald Trump Announces Men’s Fragrance” (March 24), “Donald Trump Announces Phil Mickelson Villa at Trump National Doral” (March 5), “Donald Trump Announces Florida International University as new Home for Miss Universe” (Dec. 11) and the game-changing, envelope-pushing, earth’s-orbit-reversing, “Donald Trump Announces Partnership with Prestwick Airport” (Nov. 14).

On March 18, Trump made his big announcement that he was about to form a presidential exploratory committee. All of the political press covered it. But it was pure Trump — a way to say something that attracts suckers in the press without actually doing anything.

Presidential campaigns have to register with the Federal Election Commission. Exploratory committees do not. They don’t have to do much of anything except avoid getting involved in a presidential campaign, which would trigger FEC regulations.

USA Today actually crafted a huuuuuge headline around a phone interview in which Trump declared that he’ll compete in the Iowa Straw Poll — if he runs for president.

“One hundred percent,” Trump said. “If I run, I’ll absolutely be participating.”

The only people who want Donald Trump to run for the Republican presidential nomination are Democrats.

Yes, and if he shaved his head, it would be a big acreage loss for America’s wildlife refuge, but so what?

In 2000, Trump declared he might run for president as an independent. He did it again for the 2004, 2008 and 2012 races.

In 2006, he said he was thinking about running for governor. In 2014, he said it again. Trump is simply one of the 300 million-plus Americans who, every couple of years, do not run for anything.

I was in the room when Trump gave a speech at the Conservative Political Action Committee in Maryland in 2011. He lit up the room. People were excited. He landed some zingers. There was a (brief) time when Trump actually led the GOP field for the 2012 presidential campaign.

Today? Not so much. Trump’s negatives — 74% — are the highest of any potential Republican candidate.

Blogger Jazz Shaw of Hot Air notes, “In our own survey, Trump shows up as a consensus candidate polling lower than ‘other’ (though above Lindsey Graham).” Among obnoxious billionaires of America, Donald Trump has the same chance of being elected president as Donald Sterling.

The only people who want Donald Trump to run for the Republican presidential nomination are Democrats.

Unlike at similar points in the 2008 and 2012 races, Republicans actually feel pretty good about the field of potential candidates. Some 57% of Republicans polled said they rate the contenders as excellent or good. That’s a tick higher than the figure for Democrats — 54%.

And the enthusiasm gap seems to have reversed: In 2007, 64% of Democrats, but only 50% of Republicans, rated their contenders as good or excellent choices.

If Trump did get into the race, and practiced his usual habit of being a giant publicity vortex, he would merely deprive more serious candidates of opportunities to get their messages out before Trump’s inevitable exit from the race.

In full-on bloviation mode, Trump recently declared, “We have lost the respect of the entire world. Americans deserve better than what they get from their politicians — who are all talk and no action!”

But no one could accuse The Donald of that. As promised, he’s sure to step up to the job, spit on his hands and fix everything. By announcing he’s licensing his name to another men’s fragrance.