In psychology, attachment theory holds that each person's "style" of doing relationships is shaped by the type of care they received from their earliest caregivers. If one or both people have an insecure attachment style in their relationship—that is, they tend to form insecure attachments with others instead of steady and secure ones—then communication will be driven by anxiety rather than authenticity.

Insecure attachment is when a person responds to their own needs for connection by either desperately avoiding them (avoidant attachment) or desperately pursuing them (anxious attachment). In either case, it is important to learn about what will make it feel safe enough to engage in communication in a real way rather than by these measures of self-protection.

If you have a partner with an avoidant style, they'll typically have a need for space. You can respond to this by asking to communicate in small chunks, giving them time to think, or offering some of the conversation via text or email.

If you have a partner with an anxious style, it's important to communicate to them in a way that is predictable and actively reassuring of your feelings for them.