As Barstool Sports continues to win the daily mind share of thousands, one can only think – Whats driving them to their Moon level dominance. With every News and Media outlet trying to shun and box them in, they continue to grow, build their audience, and one-by-one put competing organizations in mental pretzels. There’s only one thing that can clearly explain Barstools dominance over the past few years – The carefully planned and meticulously followed diets of their content team. Blog life never stops and these guys/gals know how to fuel their bodies to out grind, out post, out funny the rest of the world……Lets take a look:

El Pres

Core Foods -Pizza, Sushi (w/extra mercury), Gold fish, Baby Carrots, Pistachios, watermelon, Adderall

In moderation – Chinese Chicken Fingers , Anything with the label “Best” while roaming the streets of NYC

Analysis

I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what NASA fed Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin as they prepped for space travel. Yes, some of these consumed in certain combinations may lead to periods of noodle-ness but other then that its all upside here. Constant source of carbs from the pizza and goldfish giving the body something to burn. Add the cheese and fish as the primary source of protein and maybe to catch a Nantucket mouse or two. Enough Baby carrots to give him that hint of orange for those golden hour Instagram’s/Facebook Lives. Lastly the healthy fats (Pistachios), essential to the brain firing on all cylinders, Adderall checks this box too.

KFC

Core Foods – Donuts, Every Snack in your local 7-11 or Duane Reade

In moderation – Left over Gerbers

Analysis

This my friends is an interesting form of the new Keytogenic diet craze , basically limiting the carbs and focusing on a fat first diet. Where this story takes and interesting turn is instead of going with the recommended fats like fish, eggs, beef, avocado and nuts (just to name a few) – this specific diet is focused around Oreo’s, chips, M&M’s and more Oreo’s all washed down with some Oaks n Ginger. As someone who likes to test the boundary of different diets I respect the hustle. I don’t put the occasional bite or two of Gerbers apple mush past him, its tempting…Just like tasting eating your dogs treats after realizing they look and smell like a real cookies.

Big Cat

Core Foods – Tacos, Office Snacks, Dunkin Ice Coffee, Starbucks Tea, Anything on Seamless

In moderation – N/A

Analysis

Classic story of bulking and cutting here. From January to May its all about fully balanced meals that hit all the essential food groups (tacos). Around May we see the emergence of Buff Cat from his den, awoken form hibernation football off-season and ready to get in the bleachers at Wrigley. Then after the annual first sunburn(about a week into Buff Cat) bulking once again begins. The only way you can successfully bulk is if you consume more calories then you burn, that’s just Bulking 101. It takes a dedicated and focused individual to pull it off and I’m fascinated by his unique approach. If my research is accurate it seems the true bulk start-date correlates with sweater season in NY, but years of additional peer reviews will be needed before science catches up to explain these biological advancements ….Also, everybody knows you cant bulk properly when you can count all the wrappers from the office snacks around your desk, you need an environment where you cant tell if that bag Doritos was from today or three months ago- many people miss this key step.

Kmarko

Core Foods -Super Greens Smoothies, Burrito bowls Salad, Starbucks Ice Coffee

In moderation -H2O

Analysis

If one person needs to stay in top of their game in this office of characters its the Editor-in-Chief. Everything going in front of the public needs to get the nod from this guy before it hits their eyes. It took three reviews but we finally found someone who is hitting their needs in terms of nutritional value while not doing something to totally offset all the good effects. To you my friend I tip my Cap

Only downside I could find is the daily mental stress of waiting the standard 17 minutes for a Ice coffee with milk to be made by the barista.

P.S – Drink more water, Nates worried.

Nate

Core Foods – Whatever he catches in his Web’s

In moderation – Smitty’s Misery

Analysis

For the majority of the time Nate focuses on making sure others around him are healthy and happy. A job which is key to ensuring the office is preforming at peek level. He makes sure Kmarko is hydrated by bringing him water bottles throughout the day and even will get Dave a salad when hes busy taking over Siruis Radio. What a guy! One would think – when does he have the time to nourish himself??? Unlike most Barstool employees Nate eats in waves, he likes to catch his meals in carefully placed internet webs and when he feeds its for hours on end (that frequently extend through the night). His primary source or energy you ask? The hypocritical, self proclaimed PC population of twitter who take shots at the crown…just ask the guy in the pic above. Not your normal diet but we’re not talking about any normal monkey. No wonder this guy is rarely sick (only when he needs to take his dog to the park).

Feitelberg

Core Foods – Bodega Specials, Snickers

In moderation – Bodega Food Poisoning

Analysis

Live by the Bodega, Die by the Bodega. They have everything to ensure that you can reach your health goals(along with cats for pest control), plenty of options to provide you your Protein, Fats and Carbs. You just cant complain when those Proteins, Fats and Carbs are being projected into the toilet an hour and a half later. That leaves you with option #2. Hungry?…Grab a snickers (Live look at Feits Freezer)

Trent

Core Foods – Corn

In moderation – Corn Husk

Analysis

You may ask how a man can stay so physically strong and fit while only eating corn and parts of corn. Two things: 1) Corn provides a whopping 16g of protein per cup, that means Trents consuming about 250g of protein a day. 2) Anyone who is best friends with Dwayne “The Rock”Johnson is just in that elite category of fitness where pretty much anything will work.

This just in, looks like you cannot eat corn husks. Just putting the facts out there, Trent – use this info as you choose.

Smitty

Core Foods – Frivolous activities

In moderation – Adult Intramural sports

Analysis

This blog is all about what fuels this team to be one of the best in the media world. For Smitty some, its irrelevant what food they eat as its no true source of energy for them. Instead Smitty they rely on publicly challenging people and feeding off the loss outcome of each competition. This is just a vague analysis that’s not calling out anybody in particular.

Young Pageviews

I’d put a picture of him but this seems more fitting since every other tweet is a pic of Pad Thai

Core Foods – Pad Thai

In moderation – Pad Thai ( B -Health code rating)

Analysis

Overall not the worse choice when your going all in on a food. You get a good mix of your veggies, proteins and carbs. With the good comes the needs improvement, each meal is doused in sugar and salt that can induce even young moguls into a mid-afternoon crash. Usually you can see some movement in the B-Rated restaurants meals.

Tex

Core Foods -Skoal

In moderation – Grizzly, Kayak, Copenhagen

Analysis

If this up-and-coming fighter had a nice dinger in his lip during the RnR1 main event it could’ve added the extra zest he needed on that “Right Hook that shook the world” and may have kept Hank on the ground. If only he knew the owner of RnR to negotiate it into the substance abuse policy before his next fight. If Only…

Milmore

Core Foods -Peoples Insecurities, Feelings & Self Doubt

Analysis

I don’t want any problems man

Bonus – Zonker

Core Foods – Hearts and Dreams of Stoolies

Analysis