In which Tim spends the month watching horror movies on Netflix and recaps them for your pleasure.

The little girl from the first movie grows up and goes blonde. She lives with her dad Sean Bean, which is always a bad sign. Lots of mythology is dispensed through clunky exposition when Blonde Girl hooks up with Jon Snow to find her missing dad in Silent Hill, which is also in Blonde Girl’s head(?). Upon arriving in the town they find it is haunted by demonic figures and an oppressive soundtrack. There is also an amusement park, where Pyramid Head works part-time as a carnie (not really a joke). Evil cult something-something bringing back their god something-something. Blonde Girl defeats evil version of herself with hugging. Sean Bean doesn’t die, kind of. Roll credits straight out of Marilyn Manson’s wet dream.

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