













I always read these stories about how older married couples rediscover long since forgotten romantic photos of themselves and it reminds them of their young love. Just kidding. I don’t read. I saw that in a Cialis ad during a hockey game. But this seems like the kind of shit old married couples do when they’re not trying to poison each other for insurance payoffs.

And I can relate. Sometimes, I forget how much I want to bone Sofia Vergara until my dick falls off and God tells me I’m done. But then I see some sexy shit like Sofia’s 1998 calendar photoshoot and I remember how amazing the sex was on the honeymoon we never had. I just look at the restraining order from her attorneys and smile wistfully at the sunset like that dude in the Cialis ad who knows he’s about to do his 60-something wife something fierce.

(Yeah, I added the music. You hate it. Everybody hates everybody else’s music. Deal with it.)