Post by Bosse » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:15 am

It's a fact that this forum is filled with stupid opinions and thoughts. For a smart person like me who can do a lot of math it's hard to keep coming back here. My mind needs nutrition and I'm not getting it from here. It's like every person has to have an opinion on everything no matter how deluded or stupid it is. Followed the sport for two years and now have the urge to express your knowledge on how drivers design cars, why your favourite driver is better than the others or just want to talk about a random conspiracy you know is happening? Do that on some other forum. It's not needed here.



Anyway, I have heard enough of unintelligent stuff about each driver. It's time to do something about that, so today I decided to make a list of all the drivers and their strengths and weaknesses so we don't need to discuss about them anymore and clueless people can stay silent. Here it is, the official list :



Alonso : Beaten by Hamilton and rivaled by Trulli. Only demands bad teammates from now on because is scared. Blackmails his own teams and has no morals. Cannot even win a title with a Ferrari. Paydriver á la Santander.

Hamilton : Where to begin with... Oh yeah, of course: that self righteous arrogant smile with super white teeth (probably whitened), cannot handle pressure at all as seen time and time again, lucked into championship and thinks he's a big deal. Beaten by Button last year. Dangerous because can't race with other cars. Thinks he's a black reincarnation of Senna.

Kimi : Alcoholic person who can't even speak. Beaten by Massa two years straight, also by Heidfeld and Coulthard once. Most overrated and luckiest champion on the grid. Secretly hates Jews.

Button : Mediocre driver at best, uses politics because lacks in skill. Beaten by many drivers including Barrichello and only won a championship due to dominant car. Has got cocky lately thinking he's somewhat good. Likes to show off his trophy girlfriend.

Schumacher : Can be summarized by two words: cheating and bending the rules. Dirtiest driver in the history of the sport. Crashed a driver to win a championship? Check. Used illegal software? Check. Tried to destroy main rival's lap in qualifying? Check. Has a huge chin? Check. Just drives around because he can, fully knowing that way someone more deserving doesn't get a shot because of him.

Vettel : Lucked into the best car three years straight, completely average. Real colours shown in Turkey 2010 and Malaysia 2012. Two championships don't count because they were done with blown diffusers which makes any idiot able to drive an F1 car fast. Struggles this year because cannot drive anything than the said playstation car. Just plain smug and arrogant.

Massa : Lol

Di Resta : Couldn't even beat Sutil last year, deserves none of the British hype he gets and is Scottish.

Hülkenberg : Beaten by Barrichello. Got a new chance in F1, one that he didn't deserve.

Grosjean : Same story, rich kid who only plays with daddy's money. No idea what he's doing in F1. Has that special smile on all the time and by special I mean it in a mentally challenged kind of way.

Kobayashi : Guy sucked in GP2 but made it in F1 just by being Japanese. Couldn't even beat his rookie teammate last year.

Perez : Paydriver. Has no place in F1 but unfortunately his money has. Should be cleaning pools, you know, because he's Mexican.

Ricciardo : Overhyped, never showed anything, yet he has a seat. Probably blew Helmut Marko or something.

Maldonado : Once made an IQ test but we never got to see the results because he crashed the paper before he was finished. Money buys an F1 seat unfortunately.

Senna : Rides on his uncle's name which isn't even his real surname. Once killed a dog.

Vergne : Only in F1 because there's a shortage of French drivers. Useless.

Webber : Proven he sucks. Last three years has driven a car that was 2 seconds faster than the opposition and still couldn't deliver. One of those drivers who never got a chance but then got one, then a second, then a third, then a fourth. Retire already!

Rosberg : Only in the grid because his daddy was a champion. Will never win a race despite given chance after chance.

Kovalainen : Humiliated by Hamilton. Only beat Trulli once because of his power steering problems and now thinks he doesn't suck. He is wrong.

Petrov : This Russian gentleman has a mafia backing. They say in Soviet Russia the car rides you and many times it seems like the case with this guy.

Glock : Despite having a cool name of a gun, he is definitely not a bullet on a racetrack. The only one of the experienced drivers who doesn't refuse to drive for Marussia, probably because his self-esteem is so low.

Pic : Who is this guy?

De La Rosa : One of those guys who just don't know when to stop. Pedro, after sucking 9 seasons the 10th won't suddenly change everything!

Karthikeyan : Indian + money + abnormally small head = this guy.



There you go, the ultimate truth. If you disagree you are wrong, simple as that. I have followed F1 since forever so don't question my credentials. I'd love to have your opinions but then I would be lying because I don't give a **** about what you think. I'm gonna hit a gym now.