This is it. It's end of the world. And if you want to survive, you will need some supplies.

First things first: food. When society collapses, your number one priority is ensuring you have nourishment. That's why Santa recommends jam. It's packed full of both energy and flavor. You won't find jam like this anywhere else except from an organic farm at Santa's work. (I want to say it's strawberry and rhubarb? Maybe strawberry and raspberry? Either way, it's got strawberries and is amazing on waffles.)

Of course, simply having food isn't enough. In the post-apocalyptic world, it's everyone for themselves. People will knock you out cold and steal everything you have if you so much as blink for too long. That's why Santa has a dirty little secret: get addicted to spicy food. Learn to love the feeling of burning your face off. Not only will this keep your adrenaline peaked at all times, but thieves will think twice about stealing food from you ever again when they take a big bite from your can of tuna you spiked with Carolina Reaper Chile Pepper powder.

Keeping yourself entertained will be difficult at first. The internet is no more. TV is gone. Power grids are shut down. What on earth did people do to entertain themselves before technology? Books! Duh! And what better book to read in post-apocalyptic times than a book set in post-apocalyptic times? "The Dog Stars" by Peter Heller is Santa's choice. (By the way, this book is set in Colorado. And that's where I live! Did you do that on purpose, Santa? :D I can't wait to dive in.)

In the end of days, friends will be key to your survival. Whether you plan on rebuilding society or living as hermits, friends make it all possible. There is safety in numbers. But how do you make friends in such dark times? Who can you trust? Well, Santa has a dirty little secret to making friends. Exploding Kittens. It's an easy-to-learn, fast-paced card game with hilarious art and many, many penises (in the NSFW version). Break this game out and you'll have enough friends to rebuild society in no time! (We really enjoyed this game, Santa. Great gift.)

Last but not least, you will need a survival guide. "Survival Techniques" will teach you everything you need to know about surviving in any climate. It'll teach you what foods are safe to eat, how to spot potential avalanches, how to tie knots and make makeshift shelters, and—most importantly—teach you some SICK DANCE MOVES! Just look at those pictures! You'll have the best moves around for miles.

So there it is. The end-of-the-world care package from a generous Santa.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Santa. You knocked this out of the park. Cheers!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and Good Luck during the Apocalypse,