The soul-destroying reality of a serious skin condition.

*Warning: this article contains medically sensitive content*

Since the age of three years young, my eczema has affected every aspect of my life. From the clothing I wear, to the places I eat with loved ones, the activities I take part in, the kind of people I make friends with, to the jobs I can hold. Every facet of my life has been dictated by the comfort of my skin. I am never further than an arm’s length from the nearest moisturiser. I have ice packs ready in the freezer, BandAids in the cupboard, and lets be honest- an entire first-aid kit in my purse.

When I'm with friends and loved ones, I’m constantly apologetic for all of my food allergies and part ways with the 'hug-me-but-don’t-really-hug-me' hug due to my sensitive skin, even though sometimes, more than anything, I just want a simple hug - no overthinking required.

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Pursuing passions in life has been trial and error. I love to sing, but I have to be careful not to overdo it or else sweat and hives overcome my entire body and I can’t stop the itch. Pursuing a career in Musical Theatre has become an unrealistic endeavor because the overheating from dancing consumes my body in bone-deep itch.

Then Topical Steroid Withdrawal (TSW) showed up and stopped my life completely. Twice. Though my spirit was resilient, my health was unable to escape the choking grasp of this condition - which is something that happens when your body has become dependent on the topical steroid ointments and creams often prescribed to help severe skin conditions.

I’m currently going through my second and last stint of TSW, diving head-first into all the information and communities available to me, doing my best to learn from and contribute to a community that does nothing but give and support in my most difficult of times.

I try my best to get regular sleep even though insomnia constantly haunts me. I binge amazing tv shows and movies that remind me how awesome life is, with all of its highs and all of its lows. I read books that allow my imagination to fly wherever it pleases. I listen to and sing music that frees my soul. You should really try the music thing. I always feel a literal weight lifted off my shoulder, and I’m automatically transported to a different space and time. I love to listen to opera and classically trained voices- from Bocelli, Il Divo, Josh Groban, The Three Tenors, Fleming, Audra McDonald, Nathan Granner, Brian Stokes Mitchell, Kelli O’Hara, the list goes on and on. I think I’m naturally drawn to their voices because they are so soothing yet choc-full of emotion.

With Eczema you feel such a full range of emotions. So you take anything that will soothe any of the many symptoms you deal with on the daily. If I’m having a bone-deep itch attack, and I’m at home or a private area, you will hear me singing at the top of my lungs! I’m not even exaggerating- you can ask any of my family members- I put all of that classical vocal training to use!

Depending on the day, you’ll either hear a show tune, aria, or original piece about eczema . On the less artistic side of things, I have a small portable air-conditioning unit, ice/ice packs, Thyme-Out spray, and CBD edibles every now and then to help ease my anxiety. Anxiety truly goes hand-in-hand with eczema, along with depression as well. So I find that CBD and on special occasions, a glass of wine help to ease these issues!

An overwhelming number of people seem to already know the cure for my disease that has baffled too many doctors to count. And even more believe that I can resist scratching this bone-deep-itch. Many believe I just need to avoid 'this fruit' or 'that meat'. That chemical or that dander. That what I have is just a rash and that it will go away on it’s own. That Trump is to blame (this is still feasible, have not tested it yet). That I am contagious like Grey Scale in Game of Thrones or that I escaped a burning building. That eczema is just a minor skin issue and can’t possibly be classified as a disability. That I need to just stop complaining and just deal with it. To be frank, I wish that all of these were true. Absolutely. Because then I would have a clear cut answer to what is going on with me. Truly. In this case, I wish that all the critics were right!

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Eczema has taught me that... guess what? I can and will GET THROUGH THIS.

Don't get me wrong - there are days when I am more than ready to just give up. But on those days, I remember to fight the temptation to isolate myself. More than ever, on those days, I need to reach out to my close friends and family and just talk. No man is an island. If you're in a similar situation, my advice is to talk about how your disease is making you feel. Reach out to those who love you and have them remind you of why you need to keep fighting. And if you really can’t tear down that wall to reach another person- then listen to Mariah Carey and be your own hero.

“So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you.”

I know that was incredibly corny, but honestly, as a little itchy girl of eight years old, I used to sing this song during karaoke with the family. I was always so self-conscious about my skin in front of people- even my family. But when I sang- it was like I got to share a side of me that people rarely saw.

And as a little girl, I just felt such a strong connection with that piece. Little did I know that two decades later, I would still find comfort in this song, knowing that the hero that I'd been looking for was me all along.