This week in Schadenfreude is a tradition that started I think on MGoBlog a few years back, then migrated to SBN, and then last season longtime OTE reader (and implacable foe of Lil Red) Wolvie picked up the torch.

This week in Schadenfreude is all about embracing your inner jackass and laugh at the lamentations of college football fan bases that suffer or deserve losses on the football field.

Let’s point out the blindingly obvious: most of the college football teams in the Lonestar State did not have a good opening weekend, chief amongst them the Texas Longhorns.

Maryland defeated Texas 51-41

Let’s check in with some Longhorn fans at Burnt Orange Nation

what did the coaching staff do this offseason? outside of building a night club locker room and hiring a social media dude by BONation11 on Sep 2, 2017 | 2:44 PM

Yeah, hammering down the locker room was Brilliant.

Classic texas compliment.

God we suck All those recruits in the stands right now, watching fans throw shit on the field and boo. They aren’t coming here. This is an absolute dumpster fire of a program. It all goes back to boosters thinking they can buy wins. They’ve screwed everything up by ASH13 on Sep 2, 2017 | 2:49 PM So Red McCombs How do you like this? by eirehorn on Sep 2, 2017 | 2:55 PM

Perhaps he should’ve kept the Vikings

I begin to believe the Texas Administration and Donors have fucked this program to the wall with their Egos. by texaz on Sep 2, 2017 | 2:47 PM

HAHAHAHAH.

Ouch!

As bad as the game is, the worst exposure nationally is the stupidity, arrogance and ignorance of the Texas fans herein. I am giving the Horns Down sign to this bunch of imposters. Starting at the Top, Mr. Herman. by texaz on Sep 2, 2017 | 2:50 PM

Disagree We have a bunch of guys who aren’t being developed or coached to their potential. This isn’t rocket science. Bill Snyder doesn’t get nearly the caliber of recruits we get, but look at his success with the would-be Iowa Hawkeye players that weren’t good enough to go to a Big 10 school. This is 95% coaching and preparation. by Mr. Hudabega on Sep 2, 2017 | 2:59 PM

Someone call a whaaambulance. You guys got outcoached, plain and simple. Deal with it.

Texas Longhorns, college football's Miami Dolphins: all that's left is memories of a million years ago. by Behe on Sep 2, 2017 | 3:18 PM

Yeah, that natty and natty loss was soooooo long ago.

Liberty defeated Baylor 48-45

Ed note: Is this Liberty ADs Ian McCaw’s revenge after resigning from Baylor?

Let’s check in with our friends at OurDailyBears

Is that the drink of choice in Waco?

Well... I'll see you guys next year. We’re done, I’m not watching the later games. I can’t afford the heartbreak. Posted by Alpha Centauri on Sep 2, 2017 | 9:54 PM

Weak

Kevin Steele never lost to an FCS school Let that sink in. The bellweather of Baylor ineptitude did not manage to reach a low that the new staff managed to accomplish in 1 game. And with a talent pool quite a bit better than the Steele teams of old. A team that shut down Boise State last time they were playing, with a lameduck coaching staff in place. This is a worst-case nuclear disaster. As someone who sat through the miserable 1997-2007 seasons, I have better things to do with my time than repeat those godawful years. I am done with this program and my alma mater. Posted by John_Shaft on Sep 2, 2017 | 10:04 PM

Oh, you’ll be back on the bandwagon later

Lowest of the low I’ve experienced a lot of lows as a Baylor fan, but this is the lowest. Think about that! This is the lowest of all the crap we’ve experienced at Baylor. Anyone want four season tickets on the fifty? I honestly am probably going to have to sit this season out. And maybe next season. This is going to take years to recover from. Posted by Texanbsebl on Sep 2, 2017 | 10:21 PM

It’s early. Here, have a tissue you sensitive snowflake

UCLA defeated Texas A&M 45-44

Let’s check in with a aTm board member

Sumlin has got to go... #firesumlin — Tony Buzbee (@TonyBuzbee) September 4, 2017

I repeat, this is a member of the board of trustees

Let’s check in with our friends at Good Bull Hunting

There is only one question after this game. Which head coaches are available after the season? Posted by TAMU_Whoop!!! on Sep 3, 2017 | 10:43 PM

Paging our contract lawyers: Does blowing a five touchdown lead qualify as a "for cause" event? Asking for a friend. Posted by rangermatt02 on Sep 3, 2017 | 10:47 PM

Go ahead, that’ll be fun to litigate!

As a lifelong diehard Aggie football fan I have no real desire to sit down and watch football games the rest of the year. I’ve never felt like this. There’s no point. And there’s no point in letting Sumlin finish the season. It’ll only hurt recruiting. Herman will be telling every recruit, "Why go to A&M when you know 100% Sumlin is gone?" Posted by Joyland Express on Sep 3, 2017 | 10:51 PM

Gotta love negative recruiting!

Cut our losses now Yes, Fire everyone now, do not wait until November! I am tired of paying more money for season tickets and additional construction assessments and having the same product on field. We could be paying less with RC and having the same results. My BAS (Battered Aggie Syndrome) is showing and and I am not going to do this for another season. Posted by Farmer76 on Sep 3, 2017 | 10:47 PM

Why not just stop playing football until next year?

At this point the managing editor of Roll Bama pops in....

At this point Sumlin wishes he had O’Leary’s resume. WHY DO I ALWAYS THINK THIS TEAM HAS TURNED THE CORNER?! I have secondary rooting interest PTSD. Posted by Erik Evans on Sep 4, 2017 | 3:19 AM

Howard defeated UNLV 43-40

Lets see what UNLV have to say on Rivals

It's going to be a very long year When you can't tackle you can't win. Plain and simple. A school like UNLV cannot afford to replace 9 new guys on defense in a given season. I love some of these people. The defense will be better with all the new guys. That is really not how it works in college football. You can't allow that high of a turnover on defense. That is how you lose to a horrible 2-9 FCS school. One of the worst teams in FCS... Posted by UNLVWINS

YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!

I'm tuning out Sanchez... at this point. He's now babbling about "outside noise." Hey coach how how winning games against clearly inferior opponents? How about the coaching staff being prepared to make in-game adjustments? Quit complaining coach. You're starting to sound like Mike Sanford and the locker rooms. Posted by Rebelious1

Illinois barely defeated Ball State

Illini fandom is an infinite void of sadness. You can’t have nice things.

Northwestern gets the hat another year! HAT HAT HAT HAT HAT

Yep Cherish it. Don’t know how many more we’ll get this year. Spoiler text here by FlorIllini on Sep 2, 2017 | 2:23 PM

Yes, he really typed Spoiler text here

Ugg Safe to say the honeymoon is over? I know we all took a flyer on this year but geez by johnkirk on Sep 2, 2017 | 2:35 PM

Lovie Smith had a honeymoon? Nice things and all....

Washington struggled against Rutgers.

Let’s check in with our friends at UW Dawg Pound

Well Time to wake up. Light a (fire emoji) Posted by CODawg on Sep 1, 2017 | 7:24 PM

I wasn’t able to copy and paste the fire emoji. This is the only altered quote. Still, it’s BUTTGERS

You’re losing to BUTTGERS

those first 2 series are already killing UW’s national perception. Posted by Hightop Husky on Sep 1, 2017 | 7:35 PM

Nah, I think the Neuheisel and Willingham tenure did that.

They are running through us right now. Posted by SouthKoreaDave on Sep 1, 2017 | 7:58 PM

Didn’t you guys make the playoffs last year? Are all of your linemen at the Jersey shore cruising for guidettes?

Rutgers defense playing like their hair is on fire... But UW’s offense looks like they’re asleep at the wheel… Was definitely not expecting this so far… Posted by AlphaDawg85 on Sep 1, 2017 | 8:11 PM

AHAHAHAHAHA

We should NEVER have an opening road game 3 time zones away But I think we have one next season too Posted by Norman Einstein on Sep 1, 2017 | 9:04 PM

Man up and deal with it. There are ways of dealing with differing time zones

My sincere reaction as a Northwestern fan:

Wow. Who would have thought Rutgers controls the clock, both sides of scrimmage, 10-7 at the half??? DAWGS have to wake up, talk and help each other (like they normally do) and get after it in the second half! Posted by Huskymoon57 on Sep 1, 2017 | 8:31 PM

I thought their would be incoherent woofing or barking. Or maybe it’s a good time to party with the sailgaters.

Image sourcing: smiling General Sherman came from a tweet by @trillburne and everything else I found by Google Image Search.