Hi. I watched a bunch of movies this year.

A week or so ago, I reviewed each one in a few sentences or so. I read it over and got bored by my own writing, so I decided to shorten it and only write about the movies I needed to write about.

Believe it or not, there are quite a few movies I didn’t get to see from 2018 that I’d still like to. They are Shoplifters, Free Solo, A Star is Born, Can You Ever Forgive Me, Cold War, The Rider and Green Book. I’ll get to them eventually.

Here’s my ranking of the 58 I did see…

58. A Wrinkle In Time

I was scheduled to get surgery on my nose the day after I saw this movie. As I walked out of the theater, I got nervous. What if something went wrong the next day and this would be the last movie I ever saw? What a depressing fact that would be. On Jeopardy 100 years from now, the robot version of Alex Trebek (on Mars, of course) would say, “The last movie Greg Gottfried ever saw.” And, someone would respond with, “What is A Wrinkle in Time?” And everyone would laugh. Devastating. Also, Chris Pine tries to let his kid die. We don’t talk enough about this.

57. The Mule

56. You Were Never Really Here

Joaquin Phoenix essentially plays Liam Neeson’s Taken character in the opposite of a delightful romp that involves child brothels and the gruesome use of a hammer. I did not enjoy this movie.

55. Madeline’s Madeline

54. American Animals

53. Blindspotting

The denouement involves slam poetry.

52. Holmes & Watson

51. Set It Up

I watched two Netflix rom-coms this year. One was delightful, funny and so much fun. This was not that rom-com. That one’s coming much later. There’s one great scene that involves an elevator, but other than that, it’s a slog to get through. Zoey Deutch is a star though. Put her in good things, please.

50. Ant-Man and the Wasp

49. A Futile and Stupid Gesture

48. First Reformed

47. mid90s

46. Ocean’s 8

45. Operation Finale

Argo, but during the Holocaust. You don’t need to see it. Just watch the trailer and you get the gist.

44. Like Father

43. A Simple Favor

The ending of this movie is beat for beat the same as the conclusion of the “Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design” episode of Community and I can’t think of anything else when I think about this movie. Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively are expertly cast and although the movie’s a mess, it’s surely entertaining.

42. The Old Man & the Gun

41. Bohemian Rhapsody

The music’s great. I really recommend checking out this small band called Queen. They’ve got some good stuff.

40. Avengers: Infinity War

39. Leave No Trace

38. Never Goin’ Back

37. Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far On Foot

36. Mary Poppins Returns

35. BlacKkKlansman

34. Would You Be My Neighbor?

33. The Sisters Brothers

John C. Reilly is the best actor at being part of a duo. Step Brothers, Talladega Nights, The Sisters Brothers. No one’s better at playing off other actors than Reilly. The movie doesn’t go in the direction you may expect, but it’s a fun ride all the way through. Also, Jake Gyllenhaal spoke after our screening. That doesn’t impact my rating of the movie, of course. I just wanted you all to know that.

32. First Man

31. Beautiful Boy

Boy, that Timothée Chalamet can act.

30. Mission: Impossible — Fallout

29. Solo: A Star Wars Story

Donald Glover is a Renaissance Man.

28. To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

Lauren Saxe and I discussing To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

27. The Night Is Short, Walk On Girl

26. Support the Girls

25. Game Night

Jesse Plemons deserves to be nominated for an Oscar. I’m serious. He’s the best part of an incredible studio comedy and he may be the funniest character of the year.

“How can that be profitable for Frito-Lay?”

24. Black Panther

23. Private Life

22. Isle of Dogs

Look at that pug. This is a top movie, purely for that pug. The movie’s also very good, but that pug…

21. Minding the Gap

This is probably the best documentary I’ve ever seen. If not the best, certainly top five. It’s a beautiful and haunting look into a lost part of middle-America. It also has incredible skateboarding footage. This is what mid90s was trying to be and failed at.

20. Incredibles 2

19. A Quiet Place

18. Vice

17. The Death of Stalin

16. Wildlife

There wasn’t a better performance this year than Carey Mulligan in Wildlife.

15. Roma

14. Sorry To Bother You

Just watch it. And then we’ll discuss.

13. Bad Times at the El Royale

*in the best Stefon voice* Jon Hamm as a vacuum salesman, Chris Hemsworth as a cult leader, Jeff Bridges as a priest, Nick Offerman as a guy with a mustache. This movie has everything.

12. Christopher Robin

No movie made me as happy as this one. It was so sweet, optimistic and hopeful. The basic plot is nothing special, but it’s still a joy to watch.

11. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

I’m putting posters for all of the movies in the Top 10. Why? I don’t know. I thought it’d look cool. Deal with it.

10. Burning

I’m still not 100% sure what this movie is about. It touches on class differences, gender disparity, depression, the process of writing and burning greenhouses. It’s slow, meandering and when the movie ends, you’re not quite sure what happened or if the characters had even done what the movie initially leads you to believe. Every shot is purposeful and every actor plays his or her part perfectly. It’s a movie I’m looking forward to coming back to at some point.

9. Widows

From the opening shot down to the final scene, this movie flies by and is magnetic to watch. Elizabeth Debnicki and Daniel Kaluuya stand out, but there isn’t a bad performance in the entire movie. It’s so much fun. It’s also worth the price of a ticket just for Olivia, the three-year old West Highland White Terrier, who steals every scene she’s in. As Jake Richards so expertly puts it, “Widows kicks ass.”

8. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Even with the rave reviews, I was not expecting this to be one of my favorite movies of the year. The voice acting is superb from Nicholas Cage to Jake Johnson to Hailee Steinfeld to John Mulaney. It’s so much fun and I wish it was playing in IMAX.

7. Suspiria

What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell?

One scene, in particular, will stick with me for probably the rest of my life. And then a few years after that.

6. Hereditary

Possibly creepier than #7 on this list, which is certainly saying something. It’s a lot. Again, please watch this and get back to me. If it scars you forever, my apologies.

5. Eighth Grade

It’s insane to think that this is Bo Burnham’s first film, because everything’s so realized. Each musical flourish, every interaction, the casting of even the bit parts. There’s not one sour note. The movie is tough to watch at points, in the same way that middle school was tough to live through. It also has my favorite scene of the year, which takes place next to a fire pit.

4. Annihilation

I loved the book. Alex Garland’s adaption takes the basic outline and throws the rest away. We’re all the better for it. Natalie Portman is at her best here as part of a quintet of women venturing into an unknown shimmer. The movie goes from horror to action to drama effortlessly and it has the best final 20 minutes of a movie this year.

3. Thoroughbreds

It’s a shame this movie never got its due, because it’s so wholly original. Anya Taylor-Joy shines as an upper-class teenager in suburban Connecticut. Cory Finley shoots this movie with long, winding shots that give off a vibe of something lurking behind every corner. Thoroughbreds also has the wildest soundtrack of the year, which is utilized to perfection.

2. If Beale Street Could Talk

Barry Jenkins follows up his last masterpiece with another one. The entire movie is a marvel, but there’s one scene in particular with Brian Tyree Henry that is the most powerful scene of the year, if not the last few years. Regina King is superb, as is the rest of the cast. Let Jenkins do whatever he wants.

The Favourite

The funniest movie of the year, The Favourite is one I can’t stop thinking about. The trio of women leading the film — Olivia Colman, Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz — are hysterical and frightening in every scene as the intrigue and plotting against one another rises and rises. Nicholas Hoult is also a star in this as Harley, conniving throughout. Yorgos Lanthimos has made the most deranged and side-splitting films for quite some time now. This one is no different.