SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh sought today to dispel suspicions that he would seek to preserve the special interests of a particular group in his decisions, and assured critics he would look out for all Americans who matter when on the bench.

“With a name like Kavanaugh I can understand why you might wonder if I will show undue preference to Irish-American straight white males, but I will defend the rights of all American straight white males.”

He said he was sensitive to the fears of those who fall outside the close-knit community with ties to the Emerald Isle.

“I know a lot of American straight white males of Irish, Anglo-Saxon, and German stock are feeling vulnerable right now, but rest assured I am on all of your sides. I am a Trump nominee after all.”

He ended with a heart-felt plea for healing the fault-lines that he says pain him to think about.

“This is not a time for division, but a time for all straight white males and Clarence Thomas to pull together to achieve our common goals.”