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At this point, dude, you’ve probably got to face the fact that you’re going to be alone on Valentine’s Day. But hey, that doesn’t mean you can’t make a night out of it! Here, a helpful step-by-step checklist:

**1. Get comfy on the couch. **Think of it as your base camp--set out the bong, bro!

2. Call and ask if Domino’s will make you a pizza in the shape of a heart. They probably won’t. But hey, you’ll get a solid seven minutes of human contact out of it.

3. When delivery person arrives, invite him in. I mean, what else does he has to do, tonight, work? He thinks you’re weird? Whatever. More bong for you.

4. Eat your pizza into the shape of a heart. Take a photo of it. LOLZ!

**5. Break out the booze. **Realize that when someone got you one of these for Christmas, they probably had tonight in mind. Man, you have the best friends.

**6. Get drunk. **Straight from the bottle. No stupid girlfriend around to stop you, right?

7. Post your love-pizza on Facebook. Tag it with all of your ex-girlfriends. LOLZ!

**8. Wait for the "Likes" to pour in. **Any minute now...

9. Realize that was a horrible idea. You can erase things from the Internet, right? RIGHT?

10. Watch a movie. Here are some suggestions. Maybe reverse the Best and Worst columns, in your, uh, special case.

**11. Don’t eat ice cream. **That’s for chicks. But the bong and booze has made you so hungry. Thank goodness there’s this heart-shaped pizza.

**12. Realize your neighbors are home. **Jesus! What’s with the bed springs?

**13. Go to bed early. ** Holy shit, are they still at it? A sex marathon on V-Day, so cliché.

14. Stare at the crack in the ceiling. Did you actually just eat an entire pizza? Let the shame lull you to sleep.

More on GQ.com:

How the "Shit My Dad Says" Dad Celebrates Valentine’s Day10 Tips for a Very Ryan Gosling Valentine’s DayThe Single Man’s Self-Loathing Guide to Valentine’s DayThe 5 Most Annoying People on Valentine’s Day7 Tips to an Anxiety-Free, Authentically Romantic Valentine’s Day

Photo: imgur.com