If your financial assets are primarily stocks, bonds and cash, divvying them up is often straightforward once you’ve agreed on what constitutes an “equitable” split, Stirrat says. The complications come with assets such as stock options, income-producing real estate, a vacation home, art or collectibles. There might be further complications if one of you owns a business: Agreeing to a value for the business as well as how much, if any, either party might be entitled to can be difficult.



“The typical advice for all of these kinds of assets is not to retain joint ownership,” Stirrat says. It’s important that you get independent, outside valuations, she adds. This not only reduces the likelihood of conflict, but ensures that you’ll receive fair value (or pay fair value) in the event of a buyout.



2. Your House. It may be the place where you raised your children and now call home, but it’s also an asset. Try to put your emotions aside if you can. As Stirrat observes, “One of the biggest mistakes my divorcing clients make is to try and keep the marital home when they can’t afford it.” If you do decide to put your home on the market, have it appraised right away so you can agree on a sales price. If the divorce is amicable, you’ll likely need to have it done once. If there’s contention, each partner might want to get separate appraisals, which could then be averaged.



“One of the biggest mistakes my divorcing clients make is to try and keep the marital home when they can’t afford it. Have it appraised right away so you can agree on a sales price.”—Merrill Lynch Financial Advisor Megan Stirrat



3. Your Retirement Assets. It’s always a good idea to include your accountant when you speak with your divorce lawyer about handling these assets. Transferring one person’s IRA, or a portion of it, to another requires special care to make sure there aren’t tax implications. Also bear in mind that any private sector retirement plan that’s covered by the Employee Retirement Income Security Act (ERISA), such as a 401(k) or a pension, will require a court-approved division of those assets through something called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). Your plan sponsor will also have to approve any QDRO.



“Getting the required language and approvals on a QDRO takes time, and it can be costly,” Stirrat says. “So be sure to spell out how that cost will be divvied up ahead of time.”



Social Security is another consideration. If you’ve been married for 10 years or more, you’re entitled to 50% of your spouse’s benefits or 100% of your own, whichever is greater. Says Stirrat, “If the marriage has lasted for nine-and-a-half years, it may be worth sticking things out for the additional six months.” Note that claiming Social Security on your spouse’s work record has no effect on his or her benefits.



4. Your Monthly Income. As an entrepreneur, Ames had an income of her own at the time of her divorce. But many women are in a very different position. They may have left their careers to have children, and either haven’t worked for a while or have a lower income than their spouse because of their years out of the workforce. Your advisor, working closely with your attorney and accountant, can help you calculate how much income you’ll require going forward, so you can receive the spousal support you need. As you do, advises Ames, “Make sure you adequately plan for health-care issues.” You’ll want to be sure that any settlement takes into account the potential for rising medical costs, especially as you age.



“Divorce can be an emotionally and financially difficult time,” Stirrat says. “But you can come out the other side feeling stronger and less worried, with greater hope, stability and freedom.