The idea of being a 'woke' white is not new. In fact, it gained traction at pace for the first time in the 1980s in the US. Maybe it's been around in South Africa for a while, but recently it's just everywhere. A lot. It's almost like saying 'on fleek'. Trendy.

I've been annoyed by the popularity of this 'woke' thing for a while now. I fall asleep to podcasts and last night I woke up in the middle of an NPR discussion on this very thing. All the inspiration I needed to finally hit the nail on the head, everyone is talking about being 'woke', but whites are not talking about what it means to be white (granted, this is perhaps a blanket perspective).

Race is something that other people have. Not white people. White people just are. They always have a place. Jobs at big corporates? No problem. White institution. Altercations with managers in client services? No problem. They're probably white. There's a list of over 40 of these privileges listed in something called Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh. A white person recognising white privilege is being 'woke', but what about recognising your white identity?

When I was about to start first grade, the first Islamic school opened in Laudium. Coming from a fairly significant family in the community - my dad was a popular dentist, my grandfather an Afrikaans teacher who had seen a few generations through the subject in high school - the governing body approached my grandfather and asked that he send me to the school.

He saw the uniforms and said no. I would not be covering up and suppressed as a woman and religiously brainwashed. Over and above this, he felt really strongly that I attend a school where people of different backgrounds, economic standing, race and religions would surround me. It was imperative for my growth, and exposure to a world that is more real. Obviously at the time, this did not include white people… because remnants of group-areas act vibes and well, institutional racism.

I attended two government schools in Laudium. But one day, and the transition seemed almost immediate, I found myself at Valhalla Primary in Pretoria. Whites and bullying and full-on racism and name-calling. "The colour bar is real," my grandfather would say. "Keep your head down and do your work," he would say. "Ignore it." I shut up, kept my head down and did fairly terribly at academics (although I think that's because I have a general allergy toward someone standing in front of a class and telling me what to think - but that's a story for another day). Point: I was reminded of my race every day. It's a conversation that happened at home, it's a fact that was pointed out to me and continues to be pointed out to me in several professional and social environments. It's discussed among us people of colour.

White peeps, do you do the same with regards to your whiteness? Instead of just talking, bragging sometimes even, about being 'woke'?

A critical approach to being a white is necessary - but not fun. It can't be the job of a person of colour to make that okay for you. Your white innocence is going to be offended by our personal narratives based on your race.

The truth is, whiteness is a universal experience. 'Wokeness' not so much. A lot of you are walking around at Rhodes Must Fall protests, and Fees Must Fall protests and a whole bunch of other social justice protests because you are a good white person.

You have done your homework, you've read the Bhagavad Gita on race. You've learnt the language in the art of protest. This does not set you apart from the structural racism that benefits you. Innocently you think it does. But the very reason that you are standing here and able to do that is because of your race. Your body is evidence.

Your self-identity is systematised around whiteness. It's intrinsic. Cellular. Recognise that. We recognise that you want to strip yourself of this burden.

Truth bomb alert: Just because you critique whiteness, does not mean you can abandon it. Whites who practice the above are seen as role models. People of colour who say this are viewed as having a chip on their shoulder. But I can't strip the white off you. You can't either. It is unfortunately your skin and the fibre of your being. So what do you do to get rid of the burden of being white?

In reference to my aforementioned struggle: When you send your kids to school, do you think about the racial and class dynamic? Is your decision based on the benefits of exposure to these factors? It won't strip you of your skin, or rather help your kids (the future generation so to speak) strip themselves of it either - but I do feel it helps you recognise your historical status in a room, and how you got there. It's a practical application of being white, it's not a grand gesture, but it's often the little things that help change institutional thinking.

Some of your best friends are black? Great. You have read Franz Fanon, Biko and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - to name a few - wow. It gives you the tools to be 'woke', and to have tactful conversations. But it does not change your identity. You're white. Why are you pissed off about that? It pisses me off that you're pissed off about that. I don't need you to hate the colour of your skin. I need you to accept that it's a race, a real thing. It's not just a people of colour thing. Whiteness is not only the problem of less-'woke' white people.

Honestly, we don't know what we want you to do either in terms of that conversation, not with us and we certainly do not know how you want to approach the discussion by yourselves. We are too busy thinking our own racial standing through for ourselves, as well as yours. We're busy.

Fact: I don't want you to not be 'woke'. I don't want you to not be white. I just want you to recognise the difference between the two. And accept it. It's honestly never too late.

_Haji Mohamed Dawjee is employed by Code For Africa at the head office in Cape Town as programme manager for impactAFRICA - the continent's largest fund for digital-driven data storytelling. She is a regular commentator on gender equality, sexuality, culture, race relations and feminism as well as ethics in the South African media environment. Follow her on Twitter: @sageofabsurd _