Eaux Neaux: LSU

UNINFORMED SMACK ::

Two ranked foes. Two losses between them. A rivalry long dormant awakens to find these two teams in the same conference: one the longstanding member, the other a fresh face off to a hot start. An SEC West battle for the ages. It'll kick off at...11 FREAKING AM? I may be the guy writing a column called "Uninformed Smack" but I'm informed enough to know that this game being on at 11 is total bullshit. The ONLY thing that makes me a little happy about the kickoff time is the fact that this is the first time the LSU team has had to get up before noon on the road since 2007. Wake up, Cajuns. It's time to meet the Aggies. Ags, get up early if you're going to the game on Saturday. Pick your liquid volume enhancement of choice (coffee, booze, coffee with booze), ingest at a pace that would be considered responsible in New Orleans (no butt chugging) and be as loud as you've ever been on Saturday. The team woke up. It's time for the fans to wake up, too.

Crap, I got serious for a second there. Anyway...let's do this.

Uninformed Smack VI: In this article, Zach Mettenberger says that the widdle Aggies will be sweepy because they have to stay up late for the yelling after dark thing that they do. Eaux really? A 12:30 AM bedtime for a college student is akin to someone in the workforce turning in at 7:30. I don't think that the Ags will have any kind of disadvantage in the game due to being all tuckered out from practicing yells. The only thing we have to worry about there is Manziel throwing his voice out and that kind of thing only happens to mortals.

Apparently there's more than a shot at the SEC West on the line here. Frankly, I'm frightened knowing that the team won't want to deny their fan base $0.01 Whoppers. Maybe someone will order the Metten Burger with Fries. You can't finish more than half of it because it has a low completion rate. I'll go ahead and wait for you all to get that. Oh, you get it? Alright, I'll just go ahead and finish this Bleachtini then.

Do not name a Tiger in your will. Ever. Or do, it seems they planned this one a tad poorly. "OK, here's the plan. We'll knock on the door with the gun out. After my mother recognizes me, sees the gun and knows my intent: we'll just shoot into the door that was just slammed in our faces. IT IS THE PERFECT CRIME!"

Prediction: I named a score on the "Geaux Show" (Guys, why not "Geaux Sheaux?" You really missed on that one, seriously.) and I"m going to take it back now as I've done some thinking and the Kool Aid I've been consuming is starting to take over my body. I'm not changing the victor, rather the score. What I'm saying is that my predictions mean nothing, just enjoy the ride.

The highly respected LSU defense is going to roll in here with an appetite for Johnny Football. Here's the problem: Johnny Football is familiar with kitties. Quite. He alone has the power to rescue or destroy the feline. Senor Football will have a stellar day, but be disappointed that he doesn't rack up more than two miles of total offense in this one. Mettenberger becomes more intimate with Damontre' Moore and Spencer Neely than he would have liked, and these same gentlemen along with Sean Porter do a good job of stuffing the run. LSU players return home to sit in their rooms, cry and tigerbait into the wee hours of the AM. Kevin Sumlin laughs because he just tamed the cat. Sumlin makes Sigfried and Roy look like amateurs.

Ags 35 LSU 28