As you may have heard last week, Martin Bashir, who is a teevee guy on the ObaMSNBCa network, said that someone should poop and pee in shit-talkin’ word-manglin’ half-term governorin’ Sarah Palin’s mouth which is NOT A NICE THING TO SAY unless you are talking about David Vitter (R-Pampers) who will actually pay you to do that to him because he is a job creator and also he thinks it’s kind of hawt. Needless to say Bashir’s comment pissed off (but not in the mouth) Sarah Palin something fierce and you will not like a pissed-off Sarah Palin who, every night before bed, soaks herself in bathtub filled with bile and grievance and hate in order to keep her edge but also because it keeps her skin glowing and supple just like any other woman who has a decent shot at becoming a great-grandmother before the age of 54.

ADVERTISEMENT

And even though Bashir has apologized by pointing out that it was “shameful” thing to say about a person who has special needs issues when it comes to how words are strung together in order to form coherent sentences, Sarah Palin, or actually “her people” have declared 1st Amendment Jihad on MSNBC and now Matt Lauer along with his tragic hairline is considered persona non grata (which is Latin, but not the Mexican kind, and means GTFO) in Wasilla. Alaska USA.

According to the inexplicably employed (but Fox has no standards so what the hell) Howard Kurtz, Palin has denied Lauer bienvenue to her Wasilla Ice Meth Castle to talk about the story of the birth of the Baby Jesus and how the Three Wise Men palled around with him and brought birthday gifts of Naughty Monkey slingbacks, American flag pins, and oil dividend checks;

According to Howie:

It’s no secret that Sarah Palin is mighty steamed at MSNBC and Martin Bashir over his despicable remarks about the abusive treatment he imagines for her. And now she’s doing something about it. The former Alaska governor and Fox News contributor was scheduled to sit down with Matt Lauer for a Christmas season interview. That’s now toast. Palin has now canceled Lauer’s scheduled trip to Wasilla, a source close to her tells me. It’s not because Palin is upset with Lauer or the “Today” show, but as a protest against NBC for not taking action against Bashir. In fact, Palin once sat in as a “Today”co-host. Tim Crawford, treasurer of Palin’s political action committee, had told NBC News President Deborah Turness and MSNBC President Phil Griffin that “Americans deserve to know that your network doesn’t condone violent and hateful rhetoric.”

And because of Martin Bashir’s “violent and hateful” words which is totally a blood libel against Sarah Palin, she will not go on Matt Lauer’s Morning Housewife Gossip Show and flog The Book That Saved Christmas that was written, once removed, by Sarah Palin and now people will never learn about The Joy of Christmas As Practiced by Sarah Palin’s Family:

ADVERTISEMENT

From the first chapter, it is clear that, whatever her concerns about “a Christ-less Christmas,” Palin has found a convenient frame on which to hang her rage at pretty much everything: Obamacare, Obamaphones, Nancy Pelosi, the national debt, gay marriage, sexual sin, crony capitalism, the preferential treatment of Muslims (whoo-wee! does she get rolling on that one), the lamestream media, Chick-fil-A haters, abortion, Mitt Romney’s hair, and on and on. No liberal stereotype, from Birkenstocks to the French, vegans, and NPR, is too tired to sneer at. She goes so far as to close her first chapter helpfully with a rant against those who claim the entire war on Christmas “conversation” is “the result of hypersensitivity, intolerance, or—their favorite criticism for us ‘bitter clingers’—ignorance and fear of change. (See how I did that? I just summarized 90 percent of the book reviews for my critics, so they don’t even have to read the rest. You betcha, I helped you out!)”

This is totally like the Bible but less fiction-y because it really happened to the Palin family and now Today Show viewers (who, by the time that Sarah came on, would probably be on their third Bloody Mary since they got the kids on the bus) will never know about the Joy and Miracle of Christmas because Martin Bashir finally killed Christmas – so thanks a lot, Martin Bashir, you dick. Now all we have left to choose from is Kwanza, however the Muslims celebrate Christmas, or we all will all have to go over to Bristol Palin’s house for Festivus and listen to her once again drunkenly bitch about people who still compare her dancing to that of a “rhythm-challenged Clydesdale” … and then nobody wins.

Particularly not the Baby Jesus.