The city is going to fix Edmonton’s woeful roads by targeting local eyesores and creating art in potholes.

The Sun has learned the city is testing an asphalt mix with liquid steel and decorative stone to fill our sinkholes with “art”, according to a report.

“Look, citizens are upset about these potholes,” admitted interim pothole supervisor Craig Patch. He said that, since Jan. 1, the city’s 311 line has received 17.3 million calls about city roads.

“As a cost cutting measure, the city used a sand-based mix to patch roads. This was unbeknownst to our road crews, and hardly fair, because it obviously wasn’t working.”

The molten city “art” test is covered in the current road’s budget, but a consultant will net a weekly rate of $75,000 plus living expenses and a $2,500 entertainment stipend.

The city is working with consulting artist Phil M. Hole who vows he can get ‘er done in style.

“It’s a friggin’ art form, OK, filling those holes,” said Hole, from his home in the Central European town of Botchit. “People think ‘Ohhhh, anyone can fill a hole,’ well, it’s obviously not that easy. It’s not work some plebeians can do!”

Hole flew in from Botchit recently to drive city roads and hatch ideas on fixing them. When the city potholes weren’t bouncing his head so badly he was mostly “blind,” he said he was shocked at the blighted roads.

“I got two flat tires on my rented car!” he bellered.

The roads are garbage, he said, so he is “going to use garbage to fix them!”

Luckily, he said, he noticed Edmonton eyesores that would best be shoved in a hole.

He felt dizzy when he saw the wavy roof of downtown Edmonton’s art gallery. Hole wants to melt it and pour the molten metal into potholes.

“People may appreciate it more spread through the city,” he said.

He didn’t have anything nice to say about the Talus Dome, either; the $600,000 pile of 900 steel balls sits at the corner of Whitemud and Fox Drive.

When Hole saw that, he laughed. “It felt like my balls had been kicked when I saw that pyramid of doom. Melt it!”

Hole saved the most “beautiful and powerful” plan for last, though. He wants to melt down the bars at the soon-to-close Edmonton Remand Centre to save city streets.

“You poor, poor people,” he lamented. “You are kept in a prison of potholes. How fitting we take a jail’s bars and use them to set you free!”

Hole is set to arrive back in Edmonton soon. His work on the roads is slated to start by the middle of April.