Hillier is due for full-time release on September 4, but launched an ill-formed bid for early release in June, which was knocked back. Credit:Facebook A month out from his release, court documents now allege the 38-year-old was spending $800 a day on amphetamines and reveal the chain of events that led to the showdown and what went through his head at the time. The father-of-three is due for full-time release on September 4 but launched an ill-formed bid for early release in June, which was knocked back on Friday. Documents tendered to court revealed a long and torrid history of substance abuse, contributing to a laundry list of drug and theft convictions. Hillier's longest stint out of prison as an adult was just 14 months, in the period leading up to the siege. He first smoked marijuana at nine and had graduated to meth and other amphetamines by 12, living homeless through high school, according to an October 2016 psychologist's report.

Shoppers hide while police negotiate with Hillier during the Queen Street Mall lockdown. By his early 20s, Hillier had developed a serious heroin and meth addiction. He was injecting ice up to 10 times a day, robbing and thieving to support his habit. Two months before the siege, a drugged-up Hillier blew two fingers off his hand with a loaded home-made shotgun as he walked down a street in Caboolture, north of Brisbane. He had taken to walking around armed because it made him "safe", "confident" and "strong" in the outside world he struggled to adapt to. But in an interview with expert psychiatrist Dr Michael Beech in late 2013, Hillier said a month after the shotgun accident he had stopped using drugs, was living with his uncle and waiting for a spot in rehab.

Then his "best mate" Michael Sweeny, who he used to rob drug dealers with, shot himself during a police siege north of Brisbane. When Hillier saw the death on the news he "immediately knew" who it was and the spiral of drug abuse and homelessness resumed. According to Dr Beech's report, Hillier visited his friend's grave, sat there crying for hours and thought about killing himself but instead boarded a train to the city. In Queen Street Mall, wanting to die, the repeat criminal's tattoo-covered legs poked out of short shorts and runners as he pulled out a handgun when an officer asked for ID. Talking to Dr Beech, Hillier described what happened when he was not immediately shot dead.

"(I) felt powerful – like I was in control for once," he said. According to the psychiatric assessment, Hillier kept telling police to "just shoot me" but they refused and a realisation came over him as the mall emptied. "(It is) just me in the centre, with the gun, and 10 police all around me," he told Dr Beech. "... It's gone out of control. I couldn't put the gun down – that'd be weak and police would know and they'd laugh. "I didn't want to go to gaol and not see me kids."

Hillier tried to call his children from a phone box to say goodbye and told Dr Beech he felt excited when the police refused to shoot him. "For once the police couldn't grab me … and I didn't care," he said. According to Hillier, he was angry when the police negotiator arrived. He didn't want to negotiate. He didn't want to hurt anyone either, he would later tell a court. He cried and the news crews arrived, the special police and the snipers. He turned to the CCTV cameras to say goodbye to his kids. The police did shoot the gunman as he walked out threatening to shoot them with a gun they later realised wasn't loaded

Lethal and non-lethal rounds slammed into his shirtless body as he walked, then ran, leapt around and eventually fell to the ground. "He was angry when he realised that he was still alive," Dr Beech wrote. Back in prison, Hillier said he felt safe, but he applied for, and was briefly granted, parole in 2016. It was swiftly cancelled in August when the Central and Northern Parole Board decided he was an unacceptable risk of re-offending after reviewing his "criminal history, offending profile and progress toward "addressing his offending behaviour". He and two mates completing an anti-drug program had been caught injecting a banned opiate but he was not punished because of an administration error, according to court documents.

After assessing him, Community Services Tablelands senior psychologist Catherine Weston said she was hesitant to support parole but was worried Hillier would quickly relapse if it wasn't granted. "Offender Hillier stated that upon his release to the community he would like to work with kids who are at risk of becoming street kids or of becoming addicted to drugs," she wrote. "He also stated that he would like to work with adults who are coming out of the correctional system." In June, he took the parole board to court to appeal its decision, hoping for early release. "I'd like to be put out on parole into rehab and Salvation Army because the last thing I need right now is to be put onto the street full time with ... no direction," he told the court in July through a videolink from the Lotus Glen Correctional Facility.

Hillier, who had been eligible for parole since September 8, 2014, argued he was not given indications of how he could improve his chances of parole and the board had failed to consider his positive improvements in jail and impending release date. "(They don't focus on) the good things that I've achieved whilst I've been in prison," he said on Friday "Everyone just seems to be focused on the bad thing. "Yeah I've got a drug addiction and I was asking to go to rehab. We all know I've got a drug addiction. "I don't understand. Like, everybody just seems to give up on me and I haven't given up on myself."

By the time his application for a judicial review was heard on Friday, even a successful result would have likely shaved less than a month off the "frustrated" prisoner's jail time. "You've only got four weeks," Chief Justice Catherine Holmes said, dismissing his application. "Try not to think too much about this and don't focus on your frustrations. "Focus on getting out and getting your life back on track." If you or someone you know needs support, help can be found at Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636.