So, for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while you know the “Anxiety Sucks” series are my personal stories where my anxiety flares up. Like many of you the flare ups happen randomly and each one has a variable degree to it. This one isn’t so bad but its just one of those things in life I really detest.

So today we have “the Administrative Team Holiday Luncheon” at work. Yes, they do this in January as many people are out of the office during around thanksgiving and Christmas. I always hate these events because I have to go, and they are massive wastes of time. Its literally sitting around a table watching people shovel food into their mouths. Some of these people are absolutely disgusting too, I can’t bear the thought of actually having to watch them chew food and talk.

Its going to take every measure of resolve I have not to try and shove a stapler into their pie holes to shut them up. Then of course will come the “aren’t you going to have something?” well no I think I’ll pass on the tray of sandwich meat you laid out. You know I’m not keen on digesting meat that you’ve breathed all over but thanks so much for the offer…

The worst part is the politicking, the brown nosers will brown nose, the miserable will sit with sour pusses on their face… you know the drill. You normally have to go to a tractor pull or a landfill to have this scintillating of a conversation. Exaggerate you say? Ya maybe but I fucking hate these people. I know that’s extreme, but I really don’t like working, and the people I am surrounded with do not have my interest at heart. Meaning I am a produce of a commodity they need to do their job, so I am tolerated.

I mean at the end of the day when I think of the 5-10 people in the world whom I care the most about none of them work here. Of course, I will smile through the whole ordeal, I will play my part, I will be a good soldier and that’s what kills me the most. I don’t have the courage to say “fuck all of you” I need the income, I really need the health insurance. So, this is one of the “hoops” I have to jump through to get through my day.

The worse part is they do these god dam meetings once a month under different guises. It’s a networking opportunity which I don’t need, and a way for management to keep the peons in line. Feed em, give away a few gift cards and then send them back to the meat grinder with a smile. Ya I’m cynical, I earned it through years of working for pissants and less then spectacular people.

I know this has come off angry, its me venting. To be honest I’m just anxious, I don’t like these events. I don’t like being front and center and I don’t like most of the people involved. The saving grace to all this is I know I’m not alone. I know other people hate it, but they play the game just like I do. I don’t know, there are worse things in life I suppose, it just feels like a little part of my soul dies every time I have to fraudulently act like I give a shit.

I’ll take my Oscar now please…

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