ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of Betootacone Valley’s most successful tech start-ups is adding the option to tip their food couriers this week in an effort to make sure they’re paid properly.

Poonspoon started a number of years ago in a Betoota Heights garage. From its humble beginnings, it’s grown to be one of the most popular food delivery services in the Diamantina. It connects lazy degenerates with empty restaurants that offer cut-price food – a business model that’s proven to be a hit with local Millennials, most of whom just want this fucking expensive hell ride called life to be over as soon as possible.

Last financial year, Poonspoon reported to investors that the company generated close to $2bn in local revenue. Despite this, most of the profits went back to the company’s headquarters in Dublin and the Australian operation reported a net loss of $24 000.

Unfortunately, this is entirely legal. While Poonspoon continues to benefit and use our town’s infrastructure and facilities, the company does not pay a single cent to maintain it.

Which is part of the reason why Poonspoon is now asking local consumers to putty up the gap between what they pay their contracted employees and what’s required to live a basic lifestyle here in our cosmopolitan desert community.

Poonspoon‘s local operations manager spoke to The Advocate this morning, where he made the exciting announcement.

“Sometimes, the service is just too good not to tip,” said Mark Smith, the soulless husk of a human being who helps Poonspoon exploit his fellow man.

“So we’ve added the option for our customers to tip their specialist direct delivery agent contractors! Yay! It also incentives our specialist direct delivery agent contractors to be nice and chipper when they get to the door!”

“At Poonspoon, we’re committed to bringing the people of Betoota the freshest and best-tasting foods from all the best restaurants around town! Here, use this code to get $10 off your next order! Take it!”

Our reporter backed out of the room, pressed the button for the lift then decided running down the fire escape would be the most prudent option.

More to come.