SOUTHWEST ASIA — A young airman deployed to an undisclosed location in Southwest Asia for Third Country National (TCN) escort duty is wondering how he will balance his exhausting eight-hour workdays with other activities, such as off-duty education, chilling at the pool with his buddies, and maybe even hitting the gym, sources confirmed today.

Airman 1st Class Jason Brooks arrived in-theater a few days ago and has spent that time in-processing and learning the ropes. As a TCN escort, Brooks’ daily work has nothing to do with his normal job as Cyber Systems Operations specialist. Instead, he spends eight hours a day escorting workers from the Middle East and various third-world countries to make sure they don’t try to sabotage anything on-base or spy for the Russians.

“It really is tiring work, both physically and mentally, to babysit these off-base workers while they clean bathrooms and stuff to make sure they don’t [mess] stuff up,” said Brooks, during an interview in the air-conditioned base library. “I need to find something to do in my off-time to help me take my mind off of work. Quite a few of the guys on their way out suggested volunteering for base activities, tanning at the pool, or taking classes.”

Brooks told reporters he has already started his online Trigonometry and Statistics courses, which increases the challenge of fitting other activities into his schedule.

“Think about it: there are only so many waking hours in a day. And eight of those hours are taken up by work, plus schoolwork, so I’m trying to figure out how I can make room in my schedule for volunteer bullets while still factoring in gym time and relaxation,” Brooks elaborated further, as he cleared two large textbooks from the table and sipped a Green Bean fruit smoothie. “Not to mention, there are various TV shows and video games I need to catch up on. My old classmate, Kevin, tells me that Game of Thrones is good; and I need to get my daily fix of boobies somehow.”

When Duffel Blog brought up that many non-TCN deployers and members in the other branches have to work longer hours, Brooks simply remarked, “Hey, shit happens.”

According to senior defense officials, in recent days Brooks has apparently dropped both of his classes, and has spent all his free hours binging on Metal Gear Solid V. He hasn’t been seen once at the gym once.