From Esquire

Florida Man Lee Lightsey and fellow Florida Man Blake Godwin claimed they killed an 800-pound alligator that had been gleefully leaving mutilated cow parts all over the place. Just like that.

“It was a monster that needed to be removed,” Lightsey told the BBC, like a perfectly normal human being, and not at all like a ruthless killing machine planted by Skynet or Vladimir Putin.

The pair played coy, giving no rational explanation as to how they actually killed the 15-foot Cloverfield extra beyond claiming Lightsey “shot” it, merely mentioning they had to drag it home in a tractor with an air of nonchalance.

Being the Dana Scully acolytes and Florida Man connoisseurs we are, we’ve compiled a list of 10 irresponsibly speculative conspiracy theories as to how this Leviathan really died, based on a careful analysis of past Florida Man stories:

1. Bathsalts

2. Florida delicacy, flakka

3. Our Dark Lord Satan, Prince of This World, The Tempter, Liar and Father of Lies

4. Meth

5. Crack

6. Ravenous hunger

7. Good, ol’ fashioned karma

8. Super powers gleaned from being sucked into a nuclear power plant and surviving

9. LSD

10.Insatiable lust

RELATED VIDEO: