That (Not So) Awesome Moment When I Blew My Car's Engine and Lost $1000 at the Same Time

By Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez When I was both more penny and pound-foolish but had a plethora of time at my disposal, I took it upon myself to try my hand at flipping cars. Like a young Richard Rawlings without the marketing career, TV show, or cinnamon-flavored tequila, I bought cars cheap and sold 'em less cheap, a process that stroked my ego and padded my wallet with the kind of cash that allowed you to get something to eat and something to drink at Burger King.

However, sometimes that flippin' spirit got the best of me, and there's no better example than with my plucky and extremely broken 2003 Cadillac CTS. I picked up this $1,500 non-running monstrosity of a car after scouring Craigslist for the terms “EZ Fix” unironically. I had it towed home and with a sense of vigor, I proclaimed that the problem that had rendered the aging Caddy inoperable was a faulty crank position sensor. As luck would have it, that was not the case – not even close. In fact, this car was as far from an “EZ Fix” as you could get without getting the fire department involved. The car, in reality, had a chronic case of snapped timing belt, brought on by a chronic case of snapped camshaft. It wasn't a usual malady on these cars, but I figured that since I didn't know the car's history, it's possible that the previous owner willingly neglected oil changes and the engine protested accordingly.

I ordered a new cylinder head, head gasket, head bolts, timing belt kit, water pump, and a bunch of other parts that would make my CTS' V6 breathe into life once again. After a nearly two week ordeal of waiting on parts and working in my parents' driveway with a silent yet oily Caddy that was digging a hole in my bank account, I got to the moment of truth – starting the engine. With a sense of trepidation, I turned the key and the engine fired into life, but instead of the smooth rumble of its Opel-derived V6, it sounded like a paint car shaker that got a hold of that spare change jar you never remember to redeem for actual cash. It was the sound of a distinct lack of oil, and before I realized the issue, the engine made a profound grinding noise and died gracelessly. As it turned out, the engine's camshaft snapping issues were not the cause, but a symptom of a bigger issue – oil pump failure. With no oil pressure, the engine had no choice but to lunch itself on the first startup, and my hopes were dashed for any sort of profit, especially after I spent almost $1000 on parts, not including my labor, which was at this point, worthless. I ended up selling the car for what I got it for, minus my pricey and labor-intensive contributions. To this day, it gives me a sense of anxiety every time I start a car with an unknown problem, and it's the reason I have sworn off Cadillacs forever, at least super sketchy non-running ones on Craigslist.