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By Vivek Narayan

Where ever Indians go, you can be sure that we”ll take Cricket with us. However, not all crickets are the same, especially if you play in the US. Here, we will list the 11 types of cricketers that you are sure to find.

The Uncleji

Nobody knows his real name. He’s pretty overweight, stands next to the square leg umpire, fields with his feet, and throws under arm. Overall, completely useless and he’s just making up the numbers.

The Beer Bringer

Is 43 years old. Bowls some shit part time offspin. Bats number 8 and gets out for under 5 runs without fail. But always brings some beers to the game. May also be seen smoking a cigarette while the bowler walks back to his mark.

The Retired Pro

Played Ranji Trophy at some point. About 20 pounds overweight. Isn’t too interested in fielding and stands at 1st slip most of the time chewing pan masala. Hits spinners for fun. Averages 78.

The Chennai Express

Young guy bowls with great pace and bowls three good balls an over before trying a bouncer that goes down leg and gets hooked for six. And then tries a yorker that comes out as a shin high full toss. Is then packed off to the outfield with figures that read 2 overs, 19 runs, 1 wicket.

The Theorist

Bloke who has the most expensive bat and equipment. Constantly educates others on the nuances of the game and importance of technique but rarely scores more than 15 runs. He always has an explanation for his wicket though.

The Comedian

Wicketkeeper. At some point was quite fleet footed. Loves to talk trash the batsman. Is more of a goalkeeper than a wicketkeeper at this point. Yells “CATCH IT” for every shot, especially front foot defense. Swears at the bowler for anything that is offline.

The Bro

Fast bowler that wears a headband. Bowls 3 great overs at the front before losing gas and having a shitty end to his spell. Off the field, he loves to talk about how piss drunk he got the night before and his sexual exploits, most of which are fictional.

The Butcher

Fat guy that only plays the slog sweep. Hits the most enormous sixes that you have ever seen. Scores 33 of 14 balls regardless of the situation.

The Kumble

Canny finger spinner that barely spins the ball but varies his flight. Is usually a nice guy whose figures read 8 overs, 2 wickets, 23 runs. Everyone talks about how they are going to smash him next match.

The Kapil

Captain. Gets angry at his teammates for their lack of effort. Tends to overbowl his mediocre off spin but blames it on the fielders. Is a solid number 5 batsman who is good at running between the wickets.

The Inzy

Good bat, but unfit. Usually opens and carries the innings but gets himself runout when batting with The Kapil.

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