Teen drinking is not inevitable and parents should not be defeatist about it, says Donna Miles.

OPINION: If only I had a dollar for every time I heard a comment on the radio, television, social media or even everyday conversation that clearly associated alcohol with enjoyment, relaxation, de-stressing or as a means of rewarding oneself.

It seems we cannot even talk about enjoying a beautiful sunset on a beach without dragging alcohol into our mental image.

"Pour yourself a drink" was what I heard recently when listening to one of my favourite broadcasters on the radio, encouraging listeners to sit back and enjoy his program of serious news.

chris gorman Teens are bombarded with alcohol marketing.

My 15-year-old son was in the car with me at the time and I was sure he banked that subtle message somewhere in his growing teenage brain where many other such messages are stored – messages that link drinking with manhood, with toughness, with confidence, with relaxation, with being popular, with being cool, with good times and above all with being a Kiwi.

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I was brought up in a culture that taught us how to be happy and sad without alcohol. Maybe it takes someone like me to notice the enculturation of Kiwi children to early drinking by the constant bombardment of messages that normalise drinking as some kind of innate natural desire.

Many Kiwi adults shamelessly flaunt their ability to drink heavily as if it is a virtue, or laugh at other people's stories of miserable drunkenness as though binge drinking is a harmless sport.

I have been living in New Zealand for the past 14 years, and I am still shocked at the language and behaviour of Kiwis around alcohol.

Strong and caring parents suddenly become defeatist and accept their teenage children's harmful experiment with alcohol as if drinking is some rite of passage to adulthood.

We know the safest amount of alcohol for teenagers is zero so why do good parents allow their children to drink when doing so is clearly bad parenting?

Why do other parents of teenage kids tell me to accept that "there is going to be alcohol at every party" and there is nothing we can do about it?

To me the solution is simple: we all say no and then there will be no alcohol at any party.

It is time for us to face the fact that the Kiwi alcohol culture is as stupid as the American gun culture – both are heavily promoted by business interests of their respective industry; both are deadly threats to safety of our children; and both have simple solutions.

All it takes is the courage to realise that we have agency and can change things if we work together.

We live in an era when the very survival of our planet depends on our ability to change the way we think and behave.

Surely, reducing alcohol harm is much easier than reducing the threat of climate change or a nuclear war.

We must not be defeatist. We can change New Zealand's alcohol culture.

A good starting point is by being mindful of the language we use to talk about alcohol around our children and by the way we role model as adults.

There is no better gift parents can pass on to their children than the gift of good health. Be the best parent you can be by saying no to teenage drinking.

Currently, there is no age at which it is illegal to drink alcohol in New Zealand.

Technically you can feed your 6-year-old alcohol provided it is in small amounts and you actively supervise the drinking.

This is crazy when the Government's own fact sheet says "even small amounts of alcohol can harm a young person".

We cannot reconcile the legality of consented and supervised underage drinking with the harm we know, even small amounts, can cause our children.

Imagine how much easier it would be for parents to refuse alcohol at teenage parties if the law was there to support them.

I must say that I am always boasting to my overseas friends and family about how lucky my son is to be growing up in a culture that values the importance of gratitude, fairness and empathy. But while it is important to celebrate the good, we must not sweep the bad under the carpet.

As it is, the law gives tacit support to parents who choose to introduce their children to alcohol at a young age, when the research, according to the Government's official advice, shows: "the younger your child starts drinking, the more likely it is they will go on to drink harmfully in the future".

The harmful effects of alcohol are undeniable. We need to change our culture and law to protect our children.