The following are a series of transcripts recorded from experiments using SCP-3556.

Foreword: Object was placed on a cracked mirror. <Begin Log> SCP-3556: Mirror is obviously cracked intentionally.

If left untreated, may result in total mirror failure.

Mirror is slightly smudged due to clumsy workers.

Mirror is even more smudged by me.

Mirror does not correctly reflect light as human eyes see it.

Mirror is not a true mirror.

Mirror absorbs a small amount of green light upon reflection.

Mirror is a cheating mirror that steals people’s hard earned light and deserves to serve 30 years in prison for stealing light.

Mirror may also be given the death penalty in several jurisdictions, and frankly deserves it.

Mirror is scum of the Earth… <End Log> Closing Statement: The unedited audio files all amount to approximately 33 days of audio. The remainder of this transcript was cut for the sake of brevity. SCP-3556 may be capable of following an infinite number of tangents in its rants. -Dr. Beck

Foreword: Object was placed on a file containing multiple documents. All documents consisted of untrue facts. <Begin Log> SCP-3556: File is an inadequate way to store data, considering the rise of digital data.

Data contained within file is false.

First page states frogs are mammals.

Frogs are amphibians.

Amphibians are both fish and mammals.

Frogs are indecisive in their place in the animal kingdom.

Second page states computers emit sugary liquids.

Computer technology is yet to reach the state of sugary liquid emission.

Sugary liquids cause diabetes, heart disease, obesity… <End Log> Closing Statement: The remainder of this transcript was cut for the sake of brevity. It appears SCP-3556 is able to criticize the contents of media, not just the media itself. -Dr. Beck

Foreword: D-8913 was instructed to hold SCP-3556. D-8913 had their left arm amputated at birth. <Begin Log> SCP-3556: D-8913 is missing an arm.

D-8913’s arm was removed because she is genetically inferior to other human organisms.

D-8913 lacks confidence.

D-8913 swears too much.

D-8913 wears terrible orange jumpsuits because she lacks confidence.

D-8913 wears glasses because her eyes were screwed up by staring at a TV too much.

D-8913 dyes her hair to forget about the fact their hair is ugly and boring.

D-8913 hates legitimate criticism.

D-8913 doesn’t know how she gets into terrible situations and chooses to blame those around her.

D-8913 has a terrible relationship with her mother.

D-8913 has committed murder and deserves to be here.

D-8913 is a terrible singer and can’t take a hint that she is a terrible singer.

D-8913 listens to Korean pop music, which is the worst kind of music.

D-8913’s voice is literally incapable of sounding good in any circumstance.

D-8913 has anger management problems.

D-8913 hates pape- D-8913 placed SCP-3556 on a nearby wall and attempted to leave the testing chamber. D-8913 refused to comply with further testing orders. <End Log>

Foreword: Dr. Beck was instructed to hold SCP-3556. <Begin Log> SCP-3556: Jim Cyrus Beck does not have children, and as such is an evolutionary failure.

Jim Cyrus Beck does not want children because he doesn’t want to become like his father.

Jim Cyrus Beck is also incapable of having children due to his erectile dysfunction.

Jim Cyrus Beck does not realize he is already like his father.

Jim Cyrus Beck drinks an entire beer once he gets home from work, like his father.

Jim Cyrus Beck fails to please his significant other both sexually and romantically, like his father.

Jim Cyrus Beck hates his job and regularly questions why he hasn’t quit.

Jim Cyrus Beck is allergic to bees.

Jim Cyrus Beck cannot become a bee farmer.

Jim Cyrus Beck is also allergic to honey.

Jim Cyrus Beck can never affiliate himself with any bees of any k- Dr. Beck set down SCP-3556. <End Log>