By Seán O’Brien

(@ATWSean96)

Hey guys, it’s Seán here from the All Things Wrestling podcast with the weekly Raw review for you all. Apologies for it being late this week as I’ve been a bit sick this week but hey ho, let’s go. It’s the final Raw before this Sunday’s Royal Rumble. Let’s see what was on offer.

We kick off this week with a recap of the US title feud and a video package on the Jeri-KO vs Reigns match two weeks ago. Roman Reigns comes out to start the show and gets booed to high hell! The Cleveland crowd did not like this man. He cuts a pretty heelish promo making a promise that in 6 days at the Rumble, he will be champion because Jericho is out of the equation. Jericho and Owens interrupt and Jericho says he could beat Reigns easily if he wanted too and Reigns challenges him to a rematch right there which Owens hilariously accepts much to Jericho’s disdain.

When we come back it’s time for our first match.

Match 1: Cesaro vs Luke Gallows.

Cesaro takes control with some lovely power moves including a deadlift gutwrench and a corkscrew uppercut but Gallows fights back with punches and a huge back body drop but Cesaro starts the uppercut train. Anderson stops him after two and Gallows nails a boot to throw to the break. After the break Gallows is in control and we see footage of Sheamus running Anderson to the back, Cesaro fires back up with slams and uppercuts backing the Big Brother into the corner where he drills Sex Ferguson with a massive tornado ddt. Gallows tries to get Sheamus to attack him and cause the DQ but Cesaro rocks him with a boot and distracts the referee so Sheamus can hit the Good Brother with a clothesline. Cesaro locks Gallows into the Sharpshooter but Karl Anderson sprints down the ramp and hits Sheamus with a Rocket Kick to the back of his head to distract the ref, Gallows taps while the ref’s back is turned but Cesaro gets up and gets hit with a superkick and a Festus like flapjack for the three. Decent match to kick off the show. Looking forward to the Rumble match.

We go backstage to Foley on the phone with Stephanie, they’re interrupted by Sami Zayn who wants to announce his participation in the Royal Rumble but Stephanie denies him saying he has to prove himself which is stupid considering nobody else has had to earn a spot so far!

Corey Graves and Bayley had a sit down chat about Charlotte and what it would mean to Bayley to win on Sunday, a nice insight into the challenger and Corey Graves was brilliant as usual.

We then see Seth Rollins in the back, he gets interrupted by Foley. Seth wants Triple H but Mick says he has a match with Sami Zayn instead. Seth asks why and is told it’s to play up the friend vs friend aspect of the Rumble. If Sami wins he gets a spot in the Rumble, Seth’s spot. Mick isn’t a fan of this but Rollins says he doesn’t blame him. This is fucking stupid, why book two of your top guys in a match against each other for a Rumble spot when guys like Big Show, Jinder Mahal and Big Cass get in for free?

Match 2: Seth Rollins vs Sami Zayn for a spot in the Rumble.

As stupid and contrived as this matches reasoning was the match itself was amazing. These guys absolutely killed each other. Both men resorted to mental moves like Zayn’s Blue Thunder Driver and Rollins’s Ripcord Slingblade which got two counts. At one point Rollins hit Zayn with a terrifying looking Pedigree on the apron (Thanks mate!) and rolled him in for another 2, Rollins tried a top rope Pepsi Plunge but Zayn reversed out of it. The finish came when Rollins reversed Zayn’s half and half attempt and hit a Pedigree but was interrupted by Triple H’s music and titantron appearing. This caused Rollins to turn his attention away from Zayn and Zayn capitalizes with a Cradle for the three. This match was wicked and I loved every minute of it. Some scary indie type spots involved. Still pissed that Rollins is out of the Rumble as he was one of my picks but I’m glad that my main pick of Zayn is still alive.

After the break we see Seth backstage, he is pissed! He stalks through Gorilla looking for Hunter and bumps into Foley. Foley tries to calm him down and tell him that he had nothing to do with it and blames Stephanie. Seth yells about a year of his life being taken away and storms off.

Match 3: Drew Gulak, Tony Nese and Ariya Daivari vs Jack Gallagher, TJ Perkins and Mustafa Ali.

What the fuck has happened to the Cruiserweight division? The “Heels” got no entrance and this was way too short for a six-man tag. Pretty much, get your shit in and leave. Ali gets the pin and the win with an imploding 450. (A Cruiserweight that does high flying moves? Praise the Lord!) This was depressing as it felt like it was thrown together and had fuck all heat. Poor guys.

New Day come down and do their usual schtick, they get interrupted by Big Cass and Enzo who are interrupted by Rusev and Jinder and then Titus walks out, they announce they are in the Rumble (Again, fuck you Sami and Seth!) and then announce an eight man tag with the 4th heel being… BRRRRRRRRAAAAAAUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!

Match 4: Big Cass, Enzo Amore and New Day vs Titus O’Neill, Jinder Mahal, Rusev and Braun Strowman.

I would much rather a Braun squash than this shite. Skipped it and I’m glad I did. A massive waste of Braun and Rusev.

After the match everybody had a schmozz and the ring is cleared by the returning Big Show, he and Braun face off but Braun backs away. See you at the Rumble.

Match 5: Chris Jericho (Champ.) vs Roman Reigns. United States championship match.

Thought this was supposed to be the main event? Roman comes out to massive boos and Chris Jericho comes out with Owens. Owens is on commentary, brilliant! Owens and Graves banter and run down Saxton for being a child and a nerd. This match was slow and boring and led to nothing. A lot of punch kick and signature spots. Roman mounts a comeback and hits a Superman Punch but Kevin Owens runs in and batters him causing the DQ. Bollocks! Jeri-Ko take down Roman and try put him in the cage but India’s favorite Superman fights back and locks Owens in the cage, fuck this shite!

After Owens is freed some random interviewer informs him that his title match is now a no disqualification match, oh joy!

Charlotte has a sit down with Graves and runs down Bayley for being only a fan who got lucky, great stuff. Charlotte always gives a fantastic heel promo.

Nia Jax walks to the ring.

Match 6: Nia Jax vs Ray Lynn.

Absolute jobber squash, poor Ray Lynn (who is a very good wrestler in her own right) got fuck all offence in and was flattened with a seated Banzai Drop to her legs. Looked brutal! Makes a change from her usual legdrop. Afterwards Jax cuts a promo on Sasha Banks saying that she “Broke the Boss” to which Sasha limped out on a crutch, got to the ring and broke the crutch over Jax’s stomach. Jax tried to leave but got hit with a Meteora from the apron. See you at the Rumble pre-show ladies.

We then get a Rich Swann ring walk and another fucking Emmalina promo, just debut already I’m beyond sick of your shit!

Match 7: Rich Swann vs Noam Dar.

Another good but short Cruiserweight match. Swann and Dar trade moves back and forth until Swann gets the upper hand with a Frankensteiner and Swann-song kick for the three. Afterwards Swann calls out Neville who appears and goes to bail but gets caught by a Suicide dive from Swann, they brawl and Neville escapes.

Then we get a Cedric Alexander promo which is hijacked by Noam and (fuck off!) Alicia

Fox. Alicia screams and does bollocks until Cedric pushes Noam down and leaves.

Main Event (I guess): Goldberg promo.

Goldberg comes out and he’s already busted open like he thinks he’s Ric Flair! Apparently he headbutted the door on his way out, bloody spanner!

He fucks his promo three times and Paul Heyman comes out to mercifully put an end to it. He talks up Brock and Goldberg gives him shit until Brock himself comes out and the pair go nose to nose in the ring and then “GONG!” the lights go out and Undertaker appears, the lights go blue and the gong rings again and that’s the show? What the hell?

So that was the last Raw before Royal Rumble and what a terrible show it was. Confusing storylines, two top stars fighting for a spot but jobbers get in for no reason and it ends with a shitty Goldberg segment that went nowhere. Raw was awful this week and as such I give it a 3.5/10. Hopefully the Rumble is better than this crap. I’ve been Seán you can find me on Twitter at @ATWSean96 and I’ll see you in the Royal Rumble!