Yesterday former National MP Jami-Lee Ross released an explosive recording in which opposition leader Simon Bridges described one of his MPs, Maureen Pugh, as “fucking useless.”

Bridges and Ross also discussed how two Chinese MPs were apparently worth more than two Indian MPs, and so we thought it was only appropriate to consult an expert on how many Maureen Pughs one Chinese MP would be worth, and other, similar questions relating to the value of members in a National caucus.

Spokesperson for the TAB, Kate Gourdie, was happy to offer us some rough values.

“I suppose the one problem we have, to begin with, is that Bridges and Ross don’t specifically discuss exactly how much one Indian is worth in relation to one Chinese, only that one Indian is worth less,” said Gourdie.

“What we can gather, though, is that one Maureen Pugh is worth substantially less than either, and not very much at all, really.

“Working backwards from there, if we’re to assume that one Indian is worth slightly more than half of one Chinese – given that neither Ross or Bridges used the terminology ‘less than half’, which we might expect in such a case – then we can estimate that five Maureen Pughs are worth about one Chinese MP, and three Maureen Pughs are worth about one Indian MP.”

The TAB was also happy to offer the following valuations:

One John Key is worth three Bill English.

One Bill English is worth six Simon Bridges.

David Carter is more of a collector’s item and the value is highly dependent on the buyer.

One Jami-Lee Ross is worth nothing.

One Nick Smith is worth a $3 bet for or against the All Blacks.