In times of doubt and schism such as these, television can be such a comfort. Nothing ever changes in Midsomer – people continue to fall like the leaves in autumn – and, most reliable of all, over a dish of Earl Grey and a chocolate digestive, there’s Escape to the Country. No matter how enthusiastic the couples seeking bucolic Nirvana may be – “What a charming en suite!” “Just what we were looking for!” – every regular viewer knows that the cheery presenter is never going to make a sale, for over the long years, nobody has ever bought a property: “John and Mary have returned to Bolton to think seriously about their next move…”