On the off chance that you watched Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker over the last couple of weeks, and were left thinking that perhaps, quite possibly, Finn was trying to tell Rey something very specific and important, you aren’t alone. In fact, we’ve been so obsessed with figuring it out, our spies managed to get the unofficial accounts as well as the official version of Finn’s big reveal (Read to the end for the legit version). So, without further ado, here are the Top 10 Things Finn Was Trying To Tell Rey in The Rise of Skywalker.

10. He wanted a different name

For the last year or so, FN-2187 has been known to his peers as “Finn”, but he’s been rethinking his name. Naturally, he wanted to run some new names past Rey to get some honest feedback. These names included but were not limited to: Brock Lee, Leroy Jenkins, Richard Rasch, “Ted” Theodore Logan, and Jeffrey Jacob. For now, let’s hope he sticks with Finn.

9. Captain Phasma “did things” to him

While Finn was employed as a stormtrooper, he was under the command of Captain Phasma. According to Finn, there is more to the phrase “served under” Captain Phasma. Finn was physically harassed by Phasma, a commander with a kink for having dominion over other stormtroopers. When her troops didn’t follow commands, she is said to have “punishments” that bordered on sexual abuse.

“No Safe Word tonight, FN-2187”

8. Finn needed Rey to do him a favor

Finn’s been through so much in the last couple of years. After so many near-death misses, he needed a plan in place in case he ever died prematurely. So he wanted to ask Rey to get rid of the magazines in his closet and delete his browsing history on BB-8. “I want to be remembered as someone who had something to fight for.” With this plan in place, Finn could be remembered the way his grandma always wanted: as a nice young man who fought the First Order.

7. He wanted to tell Rey that he “like, likes” Poe

No real secret here. You know it, Rey knows it, Chewy knows it. He just wanted to say it out loud.

6. He is Gluten Sensitive

Being a millennial, Finn fell into the trend of being “Gluten Sensitive.” He wanted to tell Rey he couldn’t do pizza night anymore. He knew she wouldn’t understand so he wanted to have a few hours to explain it to her and convince her she may have it, too!

“Prrrt.”

5. He needed to go back to Jakku

We all know Finn was head of Sanitation onboard StarKiller Base. What we didn’t know is that he is very fond of his cleaning tools. His lucky charm was his favorite Mr. Clean® Magic Erasers. Turns out, Finn left his in the Stormtrooper uniform he took off when he first landed on Jakku. If he were to go toe-to-toe against the First Order again, he would definitely need his lucky charm!

4. He never liked her cooking

While fighting The First Order, Finn and Rey have worked together on missions to gather intel and sabotage plans devised by Kylo Ren. Of course, during their time together, they had to eat and most times Rey would offer to make the meal. Rey’s idea of a great meal is a hearty ration packet mixed with water. Finn despised the cooking, but always said he loved it. Finn just couldn’t live with the lie anymore and needed to tell Rey.

“Excuse me, what?!”

3. He has a British accent, too

To the surprise of many, Finn actually has a British accent but felt it made him look too posh for the Rebel side. He put on a different accent for Poe, but quickly realized that Rey had an accent, too, but felt he couldn’t go back.

“Bloody ‘ELL in’nit”

2. He wants Rey to join him in going vegan

For the New Year, Finn wanted to try going vegan but he wants a buddy to do it with. Finn was going to ask Rey to go vegan with him but he feared she’d refuse him and go to the dark side, instead.

“Heh, no.”

1. The REAL thing he wanted to say

In a private interview with J.J. Abrams, FakingStarWars discovered the REAL truth about what Finn wanted to tell Rey in The Rise of Skywalker.

“Finn was excited about this new business he was starting at the ground level,” says Abrams. “He wanted to tell Rey that if she joined and got five people to join the business under her, they could soon be on the road to riches and be able to live financially free!”

Skeptical? We were too. It sounded too good to be true so we tweeted @JohnBoyega at 3:28am and he responded right away!

“Yeah Finn wanted to get Rey into his Multi-level marketing business for Amway.” –John Boyega via Twitter DM

Well, there you have it folks, Finn wanted Rey to join his pyramid scheme.

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.

—Veg’an The Hutt

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