In my Junior year of high school I was in my first serious relationship. I finally found a female counterpart to myself. This girl was super nerdy, extremely shy and into sexual anime puns. I couldn’t have asked for more.

She was in my choir class and she was my “crush of the week.” This girl was different though, she was in my league. So I asked around about her. Eventually after cringey interactions I got the courage to get her contact info. We talked on Skype and on the surface it seemed as if we just wanted to be friends. but deep down we both just wanted someone to hold on to.

I got her to go on a date with me, guess where? Ding ding ding, the movies! I was so nervous being with her but I did literally all of the talking. I called her beautiful in front of her mom before we walked into the theater, way to go me. We sat down in the theater for Star Trek and my god the tension was unbearable. I don’t remember one second of the movie, just that it had Spock in it. Eventually we couldn’t handle the tension, we went back and forth putting our hands out for each other to grab. Contact! Next comes my first kiss.

Thirty more minutes of holding hands all sweaty like I just went in for the kiss, she came and met me midway. Hell yeah this is going to be amazing. Oh gee where’s my tongue going and why is there saliva all over my face? Okay so let’s just it was the sloppiest kiss in the world. It gave me a boner though, I ended up having to tell her to sit down to see “the after credits scenes.”

Over the months we got a lot closer but halfway through I didn’t realize it at the time but something changed. I stopped wanting this beautiful and sweet girl for her mind but only for her body. In fact it became all we talked about. She was head over heels in love with me but I was just using her. Finally I paid for it when we got caught making out at her place. We rarely got to see each other aside from the small amounts at school.

Anything we had time together I’d either be talking crap on her parents or trying to touch her. Finally I got impatient and wanted it allso I bluffed. I told her I was breaking up with her. Thinking I’d get to have sex with her in the end.

My narcissistic ass went through with the breakup around our one year anniversary just to hurt her as much as possible. It didn’t work though. She was obsessed with me but wouldn’t give her virginity and I’m so glad she never did.

Being stubborn I acted like I didn’t care about the break up. Ended up severely heartbroken with my whole life falling apart. Over 2 years has passed since then and I’ve finally just recovered. I won’t lie it hurt.

The point is though after losing the one thing I thought I needed for pleasure in my life I’m glad now. Thank goodness I can look back and say wow I went from being such an asshole to a human being who now knows we all make our own happiness. Being heartbroken was literally a trip through hell but it’s god damn worth it. All that time I spent away from people because I knew I was too numb to connect to them, so hurt that everything would turn to dust. For those of you going through heartbreak now, I promise it might be terrible now but you will get through it and be ten times as strong as you are now. What you think was a waste is a necessary step to your evolution. It definitely was for me. Thanks for listening.

Peace