A Day In the Life of a Female Incel

9:02 AM

Dear Log: Though I am involuntarily attracted to the male gender, I am unable to have sex with any of them. Is this a blessing? A curse? I am not certain. All I know is that I tried to message a guy on Bumble, but he immediately brought up his love of Louis C.K. and called the thing with Aziz Ansari a “gray area.”

It has been two years since I last had sex.

12:04 PM

Already noon and, just like every other day, I haven’t killed anyone. I expect that I will not have sex or kill anyone tomorrow either. Somehow this brings me no rage. Instead, I will spend my time cooking myself a really nice meal while listening to history podcasts.

1:00 PM

It has been 1.3 years since I caressed a man’s hand. It has also been 1.3 years since I had to hear someone try to convince me to read anything by David Foster Wallace. Life is pretty good.

9:00 PM

Went on a date with a guy but the conversation topic he chose as we walked past the picturesque pond at sunset was about how all duck sex is rape and isn’t that interesting. I asked him if he knew how praying mantises mate.

Somehow, I harmed exactly zero men following this experience.

9:36 PM

Almost went back on Bumble, but then I read a statistic that men who marry women tend to live longer lives and that women who marry men tend to live shorter lives.

9:40 PM

Nearing the end of the day, and I have yet to have sex with even one man. Still not feeling murderous.

10:21 PM

It has been exactly .8 years since a date chose to debate age of consent laws and whether schools should be expected to deal with rape on campus. I have not demanded an anthropomorphic male robot or written a think piece about wanting one this year. (I do not want one.)

10:47 PM

Dear Log: Tell me again about how The Wire is the best show ever made. Hahaha. Just kidding. It’s been seven months since the last time someone defended Don Draper’s actions to me, and 4 months since I was told to watch Breaking Bad.

11:03 PM

It’s been 1.15 years since someone uttered the words “blue balls” in my presence.

11:45 PM

Strange how I orgasm more consistently when no man is in my life.