SwitchTo Thu 05-Apr-18 15:21:52

@paxillin



If an being an evil stepmother means...



Asking, why can't I or our relationship be the priority sometimes?



Saying, no, I didn't really know what I was getting into, I couldn't have, and admitting that yes, it's fucking hard, harder than I could have ever imagined for reasons I could never have even foreseen.



Admitting to myself and my partner that sometimes being a stepmother makes me feel overwhelmed, anxious and depressed.



Believing that if I share my life with a man I should have a damn say in schedules, finances, rules for the children, and boundaries with the Ex.



Feeling angry about said toxic Ex treating my partner like crap and angry about my partner letting her. And yeah, sometimes letting this toxicity seep into my feelings for SC.



Feeling negative emotions towards my SC when they are annoying, rude, ungrateful or otherwise unbearable and yeah, sometimes imagining how things would be different if they just didn't exist.



Not feeling maternal or unconditional love for my SCs, nor putting any pressure on myself to do so.



Believing that the 'man with kids' relationship thing works both ways and that DP should be willing to compromise and sacrifice as well – and defend and respect me and my feelings.



Then you know what.. I'M AN EVIL STEPMOTHER. Rarrgh!! Cower!!



And you know what else it makes me? A human. I'm not a saint... but I've got the damn patience of one!



To MN generally - stop judging! If you don't understand the emotions someone is expressing, don't dismiss or berate them – or assume the unwritten details based on your own projections and prejudices - just go find somewhere else to give your 'advice'.



Why would anyone come looking for advice on the parts they found easy? You know what I find easy? Making my SC happy, making them feel loved, secure, stable. Giving them a lovely home to come to during their scheduled overnights. Enriching their lives by sharing whatever I can of myself with them. Showing them a healthy, functional and loving adult relationship that they can look up to and feel the security of by treating their father with unwavering love, respect and support – even if it means teaming up against their bratty asses sometimes. Giving myself and them space if I or they need it. Not allowing the tough stuff to affect them.



The good and the bad bits aren't mutually exclusive. You can't conclude anything from the short passages people write on internet forums. Legitimate concerns and frustrations get twisted into tales of 'resentment' or 'hatred'. I've never seen anything on this step parenting board I've found disgraceful/cruel/appalling/abusive except for the comments!!!