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Dear Coleen,

I’m an 18-year-old boy and am unlike any other boy I know. I’m depressed because of one thing – I’m

transgender and have been for many years.

I love to dress as my two alter egos and love all the things that go with being a woman.

What’s really getting me down is that I can’t get a girlfriend.

Cross-dressing has ended relationships with girls in the past, so I’ve tried to act more like a boy but it just depresses me more because my ultimate dream is to be a woman.

I also worry about if I could actually be bisexual because I do get feelings for boys when I dress as a girl. I’m hoping that one day I can have a sex change so I can be a woman forever, but I don’t feel I can talk to my family as they are very anti-cross-dressing.

I’m so worried that the cross-dressing will stop me from having relationships with girls because they think I’m weird, and I’m also worried that I won’t be able to get my dream job as a magician because of it. Please help, I’m so confused.

Coleen says..

Wow, slow down. You’ve taken a lot on here and the main thing you need to focus on is yourself and the big decisions you’re facing, rather than finding a girlfriend or boyfriend.

By throwing a relationship into the mix you will confuse things further and make your life more complicated. Give yourself some time to work out what it is you want. Although you know you’d eventually like to be a woman, it sounds like you’re still confused sexually.

When you’re living as the person you truly want to be, that’s the time to think about serious relationships.

It’s very brave of you to speak out and I admire you for not wanting to spend your whole life living a lie.

It is important not to deal with these issues on your own, though. Get in touch with Mermaids, a charity that supports young people with gender identity issues and their families (020 8123 4819 – mermaidsuk.org.uk). Take it one step at a time – good luck.