Boyle column: With civility near death, where are we heading?

John Boyle | The Citizen-Times

It's ugly out there, folks.

Between the heart-wrenching mass shooting at a newspaper in Annapolis, Maryland, last week, and several other much less serious episodes of incivility, I'm wondering if our country will ever emerge from this angry funk.

Eighteen months into Donald Trump's term as president, this much is clear: We don't like each other much in America anymore. I'm sorry/not sorry to lay this at Trump's feet, but he has led the downward slide in civility, bashing anyone he disagrees with, particularly journalists. In Trump's world, we are "enemies of the state" and purveyors of "fake news," which we know from a previous tweet of his means anything negative.

In short, he has set a dangerous tone.

But the response to him has been equally ugly at times.

I will not dwell on the newspaper shooting, because my colleague Casey Blake perfectly encapsulated how we feel about it in her column Friday, and because that shooter had a long-running feud with the paper that did not involve politics.

The lesser, definitely political incidents still say plenty about where we are as a nation right now.

In case you missed it, another Trump staffer, spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders, recently had an uncomfortable attempted dining experience, this time at the Red Hen Restaurant in Lexington, Virginia. A manager asked her and her family to leave the establishment because of political differences and the staff's discomfort with her being there.

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Before Sanders' interrupted meal, Trump's Secretary of Homeland Security, Kirstjen Nielsen, had her ill-conceived dinner at a Mexican restaurant marred by people hollering, "Shame! Shame! Shame!."

Makes it hard to enjoy the fajitas, you know.

To be fair, when you're separating Mexican children from their parents at the border, it's not the time to celebrate with a margarita and a burrito.

These may seem like minor incidents to hand-wring over, but they do drive home just how divided our country is.

They also reminded me of the incident during the 2016 presidential campaign when the South Carolina tow truck operator arrived on scene in Western North Carolina, called by a stranded motorist. When he spotted a Bernie Sanders sticker on her car, he turned around and left her stranded.

He said later the Lord spoke to him and told him to leave her, in part because socialists don't pay their bills.

So yes, the atmosphere in America is a little toxic.

And U.S. Rep. Maxine Waters, a Democrat from California, poured fuel on the fire last week when she called for activists to harass Trump officials over their immigration policies.

President Trump naturally responded with a mocking Tweet, calling her "an extremely low IQ person."

Ugh. This downward race to the bottom is not the answer, folks.

Yes, I get that many on the left consider Trump a historically dangerous and callous leader who has lowered the level of discourse in the country and sowed hatred among many people. They want to resist, and their urge is righteous.

But if they take up his tactics, they debase themselves in the process. And they lose — elections, public sentiment, the ability to claim the higher ground. A sense of decency.

I know those on the right feel the left has overreacted to a president who is gruff and coarse but also is delivering conservative Supreme Court nominees, giving them a tax break and getting tough on immigration. They too feel aggrieved, in their case by the left's bad behavior.

As someone who takes controversial stances and occasionally inflames public opinion — what good is a columnist who doesn't tick people off occasionally? — I've dealt with my fair share of angry folks. Most have been over the phone or via email, although a few have been in person.

Sometimes we end up chatting amiably. Sometimes, not so much.

I vividly remember one lady who, upon being introduced to me by a former city councilman at a campaign event, blurted, "Oh, I hate you."

"It's nice to meet you, too," I replied.

But I've never been asked to leave a restaurant or other establishment in front of my family. Usually, when I hear something like, "Yeah, I've read your column," followed by an awkward silence, I take that as a sign they're not real big fans.

So sure, I've felt uncomfortable in some places where I know our political views differed, but most people maintain the veneer of civility and don't toss me out.

And that veneer is critical to our way of life, as is some level of tolerance of those who differ politically from us. I'm not asking you to accept neo-Nazis or the rending of helpless immigrant families, but we all need to pause, take a deep breath and consider what kind of people we want to be.

If we start shouting down everyone we disagree with politically, or ask them to leave our presence, where will we end up?

Are we each going to thoroughly vet every business we set foot in to gauge the owner's or staff political leanings? When you go in for a checkup, will you ask the doctor about her political stances on the issues important to you? What about school teachers? Your local barista or bartender? The movie theater or sporting goods store?

Do we want to segregate ourselves from everyone we could potentially disagree with? Will bars and restaurants have to display an elephant or donkey sticker in the window to signify political affiliation, and then ask for a party ID card at the door?

By segregating and further distancing ourselves from those with differing views, we're only going to become more distant, less tolerant and more uncivil towards one another.

Personally, I know plenty of people I differ with politically who are just excellent people. They work hard, have raised great kids and would do anything to help a friend. We agree to disagree on politics.

I'll leave you with the thoughts of Facebook friend who penned something last week that made me stop, take a deep breath and think about my relationships. Fred Werhan, a retired Baptist pastor, titled his little missive, "Think on this for a little while."

"Whether it is religion or politics, unless you have been on both sides, you do not realize what drives the thinking of the other side," he wrote. " Typically, each of us stands on our side and thinks that we are right and the other side is wrong or stupid or stubborn. And the other side is thinking the same of us. There is little either side can do to bring the other side to their way of thinking. Each of us has come to our thinking through the influences that have touched our life over time. Realize that the other person has come to their thinking through the same process. Do not expect them to have your thinking without having your influences. And realize that if you had had their influences, you, too, might have their thinking. Condemning, ridiculing and shouting at the other side will not make much of a difference in their thinking. Accepting, respecting and listening can, in time, perhaps gain a hearing, and in more time, perhaps result in a change. And it may be that both sides need to do a little changing, not just the other side."

Amen, pastor.

This is the opinion of John Boyle. Contact him at 828-232-5847 or jboyle@citizentimes.com