France is riven by civil war, president Emmanuel Macron is hiding in a castle surrounded by the army, and hundreds are dead. Britons know nothing about this because the UK government has issued a D-notice banning the media from reporting it, and the European Union has been buying up video footage of the conflict to bury it.

All of this is news to me – and it’s my job to know what is going on here. Perhaps because it is, in polite terms, utter nonsense.

An absurd conspiracy theory had gathered pace over the month, and as Brexit day approached it became feverish. The charge: that the so-called MSM, an often pejorative term for “mainstream media” – professional journalists – was closing ranks to cover up events in France.

The facts are somewhat less sensational. There is no civil war in France, Macron is at the Elysée and went out to dinner in the city at least once last week. The president is unpopular – as are all modern French presidents until they die, at which point they become national heroes. But facing imminent overthrow by the baying masses he is not.

True, there have been long-running “social movements”, as the French call them.

The 64th consecutive Saturday of gilets jaunes protests since November 2018 took place yesterday. From an early turnout of about 280,000, the yellow vests have now dwindled to a couple of thousand.

Play Video 0:54 Striking rail workers clash with riot police at Gare de Lyon in Paris – video

Meanwhile the strikes that began in December in response to the government’s proposed pension reforms and which paralysed public transport involved an estimated 1% of the French workforce. Again, the majority of protests have been peaceful and, for the moment, they have petered out.

When protests are hijacked by anarchists or casseurs determined to smash, burn and loot, the sight of Robocop-like riot police wading in with batons, firing off rubber bullets and teargas grenades and using high-powered water cannon against unarmed crowds is shocking. But it is not that unusual in France. Of course, the police have been criticised for episodes of unacceptable violence, and rightly so. Hands and eyes have been lost, but there are no piles of bodies in the streets. In 14 months of gilets jaunes demonstrations, 14 people have died – three of heart attacks and 11 in vehicle accidents. The injury figures are contested but range between 1,900-3,000 on the protesters’ side, 94 serious, and 1,200 among police and gendarmes.

My colleagues and I have been reporting on these events since they started. The proof that we are not ignoring them is there, in black and white (and colour): in print, on video, on websites. But presented with the links, those convinced we are part of the conspiracy retort, “but it wasn’t on the television”, as if TV is the only mainstream media. Post TV links and they say “but it wasn’t on the BBC or Sky”. Post more links and you are blocked on social media. It’s not information they want but a political drum to beat. Why? Don’t ask me.

There is no civil war. I’ve covered revolutions: they tend to involve more than baton-wielding police and teargas

In a radio phone-in last week, a caller told LBC host James O’Brien the EU was buying up film footage of events in France to prevent it being broadcast. The caller said “a friend” had seen the list of media organisations targeted by Brussels. There are other similarly bonkers theories doing the rounds.

The truth is that this is a foreign news story, and not even that dramatic a foreign news story except, occasionally, when things get heated. There are an estimated 3,000 protests in Paris every year – about eight every day. Just in Paris.

There is no civil war. I’ve covered conflicts and revolutions: they tend to involve more than baton-wielding police and teargas, and the bullets are real not rubber. What is most depressing is that underpinning the conspiracy theories is the fact that so many people have such little trust in the traditional media that they will believe this patent nonsense.

The French have been revolting since the Revolution. They’ve been fighting with the police almost every week since I got here almost 20 years ago. Sometimes even the police protest. Plus ça change. This is France.

This weekend, as we have done the last 63 weekends, my colleagues and I will be keeping an eye on the protests. If they happen, you’ll be the first to know.