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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report: Stone pleads not guilty to Mueller charges | How lawmakers want to end shutdowns for good | Some Dems floating AOC primary challenge | Ocasio-Cortez fires back | Trump as White House tour guide | Flake rules out 2020 run | Polar vortex slams Midwest | DC braces for snow storm, frigid temps | McDonald's giving out free bacon for one hour

HAPPENING THIS MORNING

All I can think of when I see Roger Stone Roger Jason StoneOur Constitution is under attack by Attorney General William Barr Justice IG investigating Stone sentencing: report Romney says Trump's protest tweets 'clearly intended to further inflame racial tensions' MORE's entrance is Trump's 2016 announcement

--> https://abcn.ws/2S8Q3nb

President Trump Donald John TrumpUS reimposes UN sanctions on Iran amid increasing tensions Jeff Flake: Republicans 'should hold the same position' on SCOTUS vacancy as 2016 Trump supporters chant 'Fill that seat' at North Carolina rally MORE's longtime informal adviser Roger Stone just pleaded not guilty in D.C. federal court today after being indicted on seven charges in special counsel Robert Mueller Robert (Bob) MuellerCNN's Toobin warns McCabe is in 'perilous condition' with emboldened Trump CNN anchor rips Trump over Stone while evoking Clinton-Lynch tarmac meeting The Hill's 12:30 Report: New Hampshire fallout MORE's investigation. http://bit.ly/2MEGRlc

The charges: Lying to Congress about his WikiLeaks interactions, obstructing an official proceeding and witness tampering.

Yikes -- it was a madhouse outside the courthouse: "Protesters and reporters swarmed the street around the black SUV picking him up (he didn't talk), a couple guys waved Russian flags, and there was music. It was a *scene*" Video -- this is pretty crazy: http://bit.ly/2FX8tBB

Photos of Stone leaving the courthouse: "Stone was mobbed outside the courthouses but slid into a black SUV without making any statements." (Via The Hill's Lydia Wheeler) Photos — wow: http://bit.ly/2SfC2E7

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM STONE'S INDICTMENT: https://nyti.ms/2sUh0wA

It's been an eerie Tuesday morning in D.C. right before a frigid cold and winter storm hits. ️ I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook .

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TALK OF THE MORNING

This is not what I signed up for. This is not what I signed up for.:

Snow and arctic temperatures are expected in the Washington, D.C., area starting this afternoon. The federal government and some schools are closing early today because of an expected messy evening commute.

Live updates of the storm for the D.C. area: https://wapo.st/2SdGkMe

When federal employees in D.C. can leave work today: The Office of Personnel Management announced that D.C. area employees can leave two hours early today. https://wapo.st/2DHN8K3

Updated list of school closings: Via Fox 5 DC: http://bit.ly/2BaqtV4

Photo of snow forming in Maryland: http://bit.ly/2TlZnBg

Potentially record-breaking cold: "Nearly 90 million people will experience temperatures at or below zero degrees this week from the Midwest to New England, according to the National Weather Service, and 25 million of those will face temperatures below minus-20." https://wapo.st/2sVrKec

Omg: Wind chills in the Dakotas and northern Minnesota hit minus 50 this morning! https://wapo.st/2sVrKec

Fun fact: Here's a map of the coldest temperatures ever recorded in each state: https://wxch.nl/2FWNrDa

I'm on a beach. A warm, sunny beach.

ON CAPITOL HILL

What would a holiday season even look like without a shutdown threat...?

You mean we could book our Christmas flights ... early?:

Via The Hill's Cristina Marcos, after the longest shutdown in U.S. history with an estimated $3 billion in permanent losses, lawmakers in both parties have introduced bills to automatically fund the government if Congress can't make the deadline. I.e.: No more shutdowns, ever. http://bit.ly/2MIK976

Getting traction -- the AOC welcoming committee:

Via The Hill's Scott Wong, "Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Alexandria Ocasio-CortezLawmakers fear voter backlash over failure to reach COVID-19 relief deal Why Democrats must confront extreme left wing incitement to violence The Hill Interview: Jerry Brown on climate disasters, COVID-19 and Biden's 'Rooseveltian moment' MORE (D-N.Y.) has infuriated colleagues by aligning with a progressive outside group that's threatening to primary entrenched Democrats. Now some of those lawmakers are turning the tables on her and are discussing recruiting a primary challenger to run against the social media sensation." http://bit.ly/2RTo6jG

Reaction from a Democratic lawmaker, who told The Hill: "What I have recommended to the New York delegation is that you find her a primary opponent and make her a one-term congressperson. You've got numerous council people and state legislators who've been waiting 20 years for that seat. I'm sure they can find numerous people who want that seat in that district." http://bit.ly/2RTo6jG

Reaction from AOC -- she referred to the quote above ^: "That broken mentality, that public office is something you wait in line for, instead of earning through hard organizing, is exactly what voters want to change. Shows you how disconnected some folks here are." http://bit.ly/2UrBys1

Good point — context from Luke Russert: "If this were to actually happen, AOC would set a fundraising record for a primary. She could go on the air for 6 months in the massively expensive NYC media market and still have money left over to canvass. She should fundraise off it today." http://bit.ly/2FWCcun

The Odd Couple:

Via The Hill's Alexander Bolton, "Speaker Nancy Pelosi Nancy PelosiSunday shows preview: Justice Ginsburg dies, sparking partisan battle over vacancy before election Trump is betting big on the suburbs, but his strategy is failing 'bigly' Trump orders flags at half-staff to honor 'trailblazer' Ginsburg MORE (D-Calif.) has emerged as the senior partner in her relationship with Senate Democratic Leader Charles Schumer Chuck SchumerVideo of Lindsey Graham arguing against nominating a Supreme Court justice in an election year goes viral Graham signals support for confirming a Supreme Court nominee this year Pelosi orders Capitol flags at half-staff to honor Ginsburg MORE (N.Y.), and he appears happy to defer to her in the interest of maximizing their shared power." How this power dynamic will be testing for Trump: http://bit.ly/2FVAKsi

IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Where do I sign up for that tour?:

The Washington Post's Josh Dawsey obtained excerpts of a new book from former White House aide Cliff Sims. https://wapo.st/2HyMYZk

HIGHLIGHTS:

Donald Trump, tour guide: President Trump loves giving tours in the White House. "Trump relishes giving tours to acquaintances and strangers by the hundreds, bragging all the while about improving it while he lives there. ... With new chandeliers and imported artwork added during his tenure, showing guests around the White House is among his favorite activities."

On former President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky: "I'm told this is where Bill and Monica..." Trump reportedly told a TV anchor on a tour in 2017. Others say Trump made similar comments: "Laughing and making facial expressions. The subject often leads to lengthy, sometimes crass conversations, aides said."

On the Lincoln bedroom: "When the president finishes dinners with members of Congress, he often raises the same question. 'You want to see the Lincoln Bedroom?' he asks, before beckoning lawmakers up the stairs. He often remarks how tall President Lincoln was and how short the bed is during these visits, before noting the nearby Lincoln desk and the Bill of Rights, guests said."

Read the preview and excerpts: https://wapo.st/2HyMYZk

WHEN THE BOOK IS RELEASED -- TODAY: The book on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2G9LxhU

2020 NEWS

Jeff Flaked out (rimshot):

Former Sen. Jeff Flake Jeffrey (Jeff) Lane FlakeJeff Flake: Republicans 'should hold the same position' on SCOTUS vacancy as 2016 Republican former Michigan governor says he's voting for Biden Maybe they just don't like cowboys: The president is successful, some just don't like his style MORE (R-Ariz.) announced this morning that he will not run for president in 2020. http://bit.ly/2B5ayaj

Flake said on "CBS This Morning": "I have always said that I do hope that there is a Republican who challenges the president in the primary. I still hope that somebody does, but that somebody won't be me. I will not be a candidate."

Instead: Flake said he's joining CBS News as a contributor.

Watch the announcement: http://bit.ly/2TmrujK

She's running:

Rapper Cardi B is making her Des Moines, Iowa, debut in May. Details -- ahem journalists and staffers who may be in Iowa: http://bit.ly/2UlBJow

Lol: "Before you ask, Cardi B will not be eligible to run for president until 2028." (Via The Washington Post's Dave Weigel) http://bit.ly/2Wvc1zM

NOTABLE TWEETS

Yikes for everyone, but yiiiikes for Chicago and Minneapolis:

THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE A COLOR TO DESCRIBE HOW COLD IT’S GOING TO BE pic.twitter.com/p1aMriPMh5 — Patrick Fenelon (@Patrick_Fenelon) January 28, 2019

Give those poor people a color!

Sen. Thom Tillis Thomas (Thom) Roland TillisTrump supporters chant 'Fill that seat' at North Carolina rally Momentum growing among Republicans for Supreme Court vote before Election Day Vulnerable GOP incumbents embrace filling Supreme Court seat this year MORE (R-N.C.), you have a very cute assistant:

Tillis’ dog Mitch is back pic.twitter.com/yHO6RNR839 — Igor Bobic (@igorbobic) January 29, 2019

ON TAP

The House and Senate are in.

President Trump has no public events on his calendar.

2 p.m. EST: First and last votes in the House.

3:45 p.m. EST: Vice President Pence meets with Carlos Alfredo Vecchio, the Chargé d'Affaires of Venezuela.

Today -- tomorrow: Top officials from the U.S. and China will discuss trade during meetings in Washington, D.C. Details: http://bit.ly/2MEu42j Op-ed: http://bit.ly/2HCEyA9

Feb. 5: President Trump will give his State of the Union address in the House Chamber. Keep in mind: The address was scheduled for today but was pushed because of the government shutdown. Details: https://cnn.it/2RTazso

Just announced -- Feb. 8: President Trump's former personal attorney Michael Cohen has agreed to testify before the House Intelligence Committee behind closed doors. Details: http://bit.ly/2G8lFmi

WHAT TO WATCH

This morning: A Senate Intelligence Committee hearing on threats to the United States. Testifying: CIA Director Gina Haspel, National Intelligence Director Dan Coats Daniel (Dan) Ray CoatsFBI chief says Russia is trying to interfere in election to undermine Biden The Hill's Morning Report - Sponsored by The Air Line Pilots Association - Trump, Biden renew push for Latino support Former Intel chief had 'deep suspicions' that Putin 'had something on Trump': book MORE and FBI Director Christopher Wray. Livestream: https://cs.pn/2sWbCZT

Wednesday morning: Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, who is considering running as an independent presidential candidate in 2020, will appear on MSNBC's "Morning Joe." http://bit.ly/2RoZcn3

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Corn Chip Day.

ALERT -- Free bacon at McDonald's today -- ALERT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL:

McDonald's is offering free bacon from 4 to 5 p.m. today to celebrate bacon's arrival to its nationwide menu. http://bit.ly/2Baesiq

Bacon entrees that will be available at McDonald's starting tomorrow: Cheesy Bacon Fries, the Big Mac Bacon burger and the Quarter Pounder Bacon burger. Photos: http://bit.ly/2Baesiq