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One important aspect of emotional intelligence is knowing when to engage with an emotion vs. when to disengage from an emotion. By changing how we respond to our feelings, we can exercise more effective self-regulation and emotional management.

While often it is healthy to accept your emotions, reflect on them, and release them, sometimes it’s actually healthy for you to avoid an emotion, or distract yourself from an emotion, or actively shift your awareness toward a different kind of emotional experience.

This is because emotions can take on a cyclical and self-fulfilling form.

There’s a point where the more you indulge in sadness, or anger, or grief, the more you’re conditioning those wirings in the brain that actually trigger those emotions, which makes you more susceptible to continue to experience those emotions in the future.

There’s a popular theory in psychology called catharsis, which is basically the idea that you just need to express yourself to “release” negative emotions. However, recent studies have shown that sometimes this emotional release actually strengthens the emotion and makes it worse.

For example, in one study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, individuals who hit a punching bag as a way to “blow off steam” actually reported greater levels of anger afterwards than individuals who thought about going to the gym (a form of “distraction”), or individuals who did nothing at all. And in another study published in Current Biology, it was found that “distraction” can be an effective way to reduce pain. Interestingly, this is why virtual reality for pain management has become an increasingly more popular tool during certain medical procedures.

Instead of venting your negative emotions, sometimes it is better to just shift your awareness toward something completely different to allow yourself to “cool down” and temporarily forget about your troubles.

In many ways, this is the powerful role that entertainment plays in our lives. It is a way to escape from the stress, anxiety, and negativity of our everyday lives – and sometimes that is what we need to stay sane and healthy.

We practice distraction and escapism in all kinds of ways, including:

Playing video games

Listening to music

Watching a movie

Socializing with friends

Reading a book

Going on vacation

Sleeping and dreaming

Painting or drawing

Consuming alcohol or drugs (in moderation)

These forms of distraction can be helpful in small doses. Our minds have an awesome ability to temporarily “disconnect” from our real world troubles and give ourselves a much-needed break.

So after a hard week at work, don’t feel too bad if you want to grab a drink at the bar or go to the movies. In many ways, those little forms of escapism help keep you emotionally healthy and balanced.

When you feel completely overwhelmed by your emotions, sometimes the best strategy is to just walk away and do something else. Most of our emotions are temporary, if you wait them out they will often subside and lose their impact.

You don’t have to engage with every little emotion. Sometimes if you’re having a bad day or someone says something that pisses you off, the best thing to do is just put on a good action movie, watch some stand-up comedy, read a fantasy book, or listen to some good music.

But of course, too much escapism can turn into an unhealthy addiction. You can’t avoid your emotions altogether, sometimes you need to actually engage them, accept them, learn from them, and finally move on.

Distraction is just one option in your emotional intelligence toolbox, but I don’t want you to think it’s the only answer.



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