I know, I know, I juuust got finished writing a post ripping on mainstream journalists for stirring up controversy, and here I am, stirring up controversy. Trust me, I have no desire to be the subject of Kevin Smith’s next 26 angry podcasts, but I thought this was interesting enough to share, and that’s what we do here between fart jokes, right?

Anyway, Smith was recently on Marc Maron’s podcast (LISTEN TO THE FROTCAST FIRST, DAMN YOU!), where he discussed, among other things, Cop Out. From the sound of it, working with Bruce Willis wasn’t the peach basket filled with ticklish kittens you might expect. In fact, to hear Smith tell it, it was a downright poop-covered porcupine bath. Full exchange is after the jump, but here’s the condensed version:

Bruce Willis wouldn’t sit for the poster

“Everyone knows who it is. Remember the really funny guy in the movie? It ain’t him.”

“Were it not for Tracy, I might’ve killed myself or someone else in the making of that movie.”

MARON: “Honestly, you were given the gift of not having to tell your dad that Bruce Willis was a d_ck.” SMITH: “I wish he could’ve just communicated it to me from the afterlife.”

Here’s the full exchange:

SMITH: [on why he took a lower salary to make Cop Out than he did for Dogma] “I needed to see marketing from the inside for some sh_t I got comin up.” MARON: “I might make an argument that marketing of Cop Out diminished your ticket sales. That billboard was everywhere, and I gotta be honest with you, Kevin, I looked at that billboard and thought, ‘I’ve already seen that movie.”” SMITH: “Yeah, of course. There was nothing about that poster that screamed, “holy sh_t, this is gonna be original.” But to be fair, nothing about it was. The whole movie is an homage picture. We just wanted to make an 80s cop movie. It had to look like something you had seen before. At least, that’s what I hoped they were thinking. Look, I know the real story. One guy wouldn’t even sit for a f__kin’ poster shoot.” MARON: “You don’t want to mention names all of a sudden?” SMITH: “Everyone knows who it is. Put it this way, remember the really funny guy in the movie? It ain’t him. He’s a f__king dream. Tracy Morgan, I would lay down in traffic for. Were it not for Tracy, I might’ve killed myself or someone else in the making of that movie.” […]

MARON: “Honestly, you were given the gift of not having to tell your dad that Bruce Willis was a d_ck.” SMITH: “I wish he could’ve just communicated it to me from the afterlife. It was difficult. I’ve never been involved in a situation like that where, one component is not in the box at all. It was f__kin soul crushing. I mean, a lot of people are gonna be like, ‘Oh, you’re just trying to blame the movie on him.’ No, but I had no f__king help from this dude whatsoever.” MARON: “The sad part is, as a kid who grew up in New Jersey who loved Bruce Willis, and you get this big opportunity, and you get disappointed by your hero. And that’s probably something that you’re going to have to deal with again.” SMITH: “No, but he changed everything for me though. Because now I’ll never meet anybody. That was it. I’d rather like people from a distance.”

Obviously, I’m sure there’s another side to this story. Maybe Bruce Willis just didn’t want to be near Kevin Smith’s stinky trenchcoat. Who knows? But I do like the idea of the ghost who dishes celebrity gossip.