It took all of ten seconds for the first winner at last night’s Oscars to unleash an angry political statement against President Trump.

Frankly, I’m only surprised it took that long.

Hollywood despises Trump with a volcanic passion despite many of its own leading lights representing exactly the same kind of ruthless, venal, self-aggrandizing, duplicitous, charlatan, narcissistic and hypocritical character traits they profess to most hate in him.

But shameless hypocrisy and chronic lack of self-awareness seem to go hand in hand with being a movie star these days.

Brad Pitt, who’d spent the entire awards season until now making light, fun, self-deprecating speeches, decided it was time to go ‘very serious’ on us.

Brad Pitt, who’d spent the entire awards season until now making light, fun, self-deprecating speeches, decided it was time to go ‘very serious’ on us at Sunday's Oscars awards

‘They told me I only had 45 seconds up here,’ he said, as he received the Best Supporting Actor award, ‘which is 45 seconds more than the Senate gave John Bolton this week.

As the almost exclusively liberal audience cheered, he added: ‘I’m thinking maybe Quentin (Tarantino) does a movie about it, and in the end the adults do the right thing.’

Sorry, what?

Tarantino movies invariably end with adults doing completely the wrong thing and killing each other in frenzied murderous bloodbaths of extreme violence - including, and the irony is strong here, the one for which Mr Pitt actually got his gong, Once Upon A Time in Hollywood.

Brad doubled down on his impeachment verdict backstage to reporters: ‘I was really disappointed with this week,’ he said. ‘And I think when gamesmanship trumps doing the right thing, it’s a sad day and I don’t think we should let it slide, and I’m very serious about that.’

I’m sure he is, I just didn’t want to hear it.

I’ve always liked Brad Pitt. He seems a cool, happy-go-lucky kind of guy who appeals to a broad cross section of people.

So why suddenly alienate half of them with such a pointlessly partisan political interjection?

To borrow his own words, it’s a sad day and I’m very serious about that.

Brad’s boring descent into Trump-bashing set the tone for what in many ways was the worst Oscars ever, a dreary 3-and-a-half hour snoozefest made awkwardly disjointed by the baffling lack of a host for the second successive year.

The weirdest moment came when Eminem suddenly and inexplicably appeared on stage, to perform a song 18 years after he won an Oscar but didn’t turn up to accept it

He was rewarded for all that homophobic ranting with a standing ovation from the Oscars crowd, most of whom have spent the past year loudly proclaiming their LGBTQ ‘ally’ credentials (the happy, smiling crowd watches his performance)

A good host is the glue for any awards show, holding everything together and ensuring there’s a strong narrative arc to the night by reacting to stuff that happens in the same way we all do watching at home.

When you don’t have a host, it just all feels a bit weird, especially when the producers fill the hole with endless music acts making it feel more like the Grammys.

The weirdest moment came when Eminem suddenly and inexplicably appeared on stage, to perform a song 18 years after he won an Oscar but didn’t turn up to accept it.

My surprise swiftly turned to bemusement.

I thought the Academy had a zero-tolerance policy on anyone performing at the Oscars who has used homophobic slurs?

That, after all, was why comedian Kevin Hart was unceremoniously axed as host two years ago when he refused to apologize for gay ‘jokes’ he had made nearly a decade earlier – sparking a media furor that directly led to the ridiculous abandonment of any host at all.

Yet here was Eminem prancing about on stage, the same Eminem who has spent the past 20 years using the f-word, in various forms of ‘f*g and f*ggot’, in his rap lyrics.

And, naturally, he was rewarded for all that homophobic ranting with a standing ovation from the Oscars crowd, most of whom have spent the past year loudly proclaiming their LGBTQ ‘ally’ credentials.

Even this didn’t grate as much as the most woke speech of the night, delivered by Joaquin Phoenix - a brilliant actor but increasingly, a crashing acceptance speech bore.

Even by his standards, last night’s tirade was off the charts.

Even this didn’t grate as much as the most woke speech of the night, delivered by Joaquin Phoenix - a brilliant actor but increasingly, a crashing acceptance speech bore

'STOP!’ he beseeched the audience as they roared his arrival at the podium to receive his deserved Best Actor award. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot about some of these distressing issues we’re facing together’

‘STOP!’ he beseeched the audience as they roared his arrival at the podium to receive his deserved Best Actor award. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot about some of these distressing issues we’re facing together.’

My heart sank.

The most distressing of these issues, it transpired, was humans eating cow’s milk.

Phoenix, a vegan activist, looked close to tears as he raged: ‘We feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow and when she gives birth, we steal her baby, even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable. And then we take her milk that’s intended for her calf and we put it in our coffee and our cereal.’

I actually burst out laughing when he said this.

Not, as he would doubtless have you believe, because I’m a callous b*stard who doesn’t care about the plight of calves.

But because of all the things for an actor to lecture the world about, the oppression of cows for their milk is perhaps the most absurd.

Joaquin seems very conflicted when it comes to his personal sacrifices for our greater good.

He admits he’s a dreadful environmental hypocrite, using fuel-guzzling planes to fly to climate change marches where he then hectors us about our carbon footprint.

To assuage his guilt though, he’s been very keen to point out he’s worn the same Stella McCartney tuxedo throughout the awards season to minimize waste and help save the planet. Does he even realize how absurd this sounds to the vast majority of movie-goers who can only afford one tuxedo in their entire lives, if they can afford one at all?

We’ve seen the same kind of laughably deluded virtue-signalling at this year’s awards show dinners, where organizers have loudly and proudly served up ‘plant-based’ menus to a bunch of people who traveled to the events by private jets, and then took stretch limousines to cover the one-mile journey from their hotels to the venues.

Similar delusion ran deep when documentary maker Julia Reichert, who won an Oscar for Obama-endorsed film American Factory, made a Marxist call to action for ‘workers of the world to unite’ against income equality.

The ‘preach one thing, do another’ theme continued with Natalie Portman, who wore a cape with the names of all the female directors who weren’t nominated for an Oscar

She was also cheered by the highly privileged mega-rich crowd, clad in $100,000 dresses and dripping in equally expensive jewelry, all seemingly oblivious to their own grotesque contribution to this very inequality.

The ‘preach one thing, do another’ theme continued with Natalie Portman, who wore a cape with the names of all the female directors who weren’t nominated for an Oscar.

A fine gesture, yet as someone on Twitter soon pointed out, Portman’s own production company ‘handsomecharliefilms’ has only ever hired one female director to make any of its films – and that was Portman herself.

The theme of hard-done-by women dominated proceedings.

‘All women are superheroes,’ bellowed Sigourney Weaver, indignantly.

But they’re not.

With all due respect to my opposite gender, some women are awful.

Just as some men, and I realize this will shock and dismay radical feminists, are good people.

The Oscars propagated this hyperbolic pro-women guff all night to mask the fact it still doesn’t practice what it preaches and had a male-only director nominee list despite many very good female directors doing very good work in the past year.

Just as it bangs on about diversity yet had a virtually all-white nominee list in every acting category.

So, to atone for that farcical lack of diversity, the Academy ordered a procession of diverse performers like Janelle Monae to proclaim ‘We celebrate all the women who directed phenomenal films!’ and ‘I’m proud to be standing here as a black, queer artist!’

It smacked of desperation, of an organisation full of old white male dinosaurs on its voting membership who couldn’t care less about delivering on diversity but don’t want to be accused of being sexist or racist.

Sadly, I suspect that’s why Parasite won Best Picture.

The Academy can now point to a non-English speaking film winning the top award, and several dozen jubilant Koreans wildly celebrating on stage as the show ended, and say: ‘There you go, DIVERSITY!’

But at least it threw up the one truly bright light of the night – Parasite’s brilliantly charismatic director Bong Joon-Ho who declared ‘I’m bloody ready to drink all night!’

By the end of the worst, wokest Oscars of all time, I shared his sentiment.