rating: 0 + x Item #: SCP-XXXX Object Class: Euclid Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-XXXX are to be stored in standard Class II containment lockers outside of testing. Only one SCP-XXXX may be inflated for testing at a time, except with permission of a Level 3 researcher. Testing must take place within a 0.4x0.4 km fenced area onsite to prevent SCP-XXXX-2, -3, -4, and -5 instances from breaching containment. At the conclusion of each test, remaining SCP-XXXX-1 instances must be administered Class-B amnestics to cure them of the memetic infection caused by SCP-XXXX. Description: SCP-XXXX is an inflatable structure superficially similar to other inflatable play structures marketed to children. It is composed of standard non-anomalous rubbers and plastics usually used in such products. While not inflated, SCP-XXXX takes up 0.3 m3 of space. SCP-XXXX can be easily inflated by its small built-in air pump in less than 30 seconds. However, inflating SCP-XXXX results in it expanding into a highly detailed 100x100x20 m replica of a generic 12th century English castle. Any obstructions blocking SCP-XXXX's inflation will be moved, broken, or crushed until it has reached its full dimensions. Despite appearing to be a single piece while uninflated, SCP-XXXX features a large number of moving parts, including gates, doors, shutters, and other smaller components. In order for SCP-XXXX's other anomalous properties to manifest, a human being must enter SCP-XXXX and sit upon the throne within the inner keep. This will cause that person to become SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX-1 will insist on being referred to as 'Lord Wondertainment' and believe themselves to be the "rightful lord" of SCP-XXXX and its surrounding area (a radius of ~300m outside the castle walls.) Once this has been done, a number of life-sized inflatable figures will separate themselves from the main structure of SCP-XXXX and become animate: Entity Quantity Description SCP-XXXX-2 ~10 (variable) "Guards". Some stand stationary at the gates of the outer wall or inner keep, while others patrol the castle grounds on set paths. They will attempt to block access to SCP-XXXX, only admitting those who come under a flag of truce requesting an audience with SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX-2 instances carry armaments (usually pikes) of soft plastic capable of penetrating SCP-XXXX's material, but that pose no threat to personnel. SCP-XXXX-3 ~10 (variable) "Knights". They will respond to commands given by SCP-XXXX-1, regardless of language used. When not under orders, they will 'spar' with one another outside the keep. If sent outside the castle, SCP-XXXX-3 instances will mount fully animate inflatable horses (SCP-XXXX-3-B). They wield lances and swords of a material identical to the weapons carried by SCP-XXXX-2. SCP-XXXX-4 ~15 (variable) "Commoners". SCP-XXXX-4 instances usually remain in a small village clustered around the outer gate. They will go through the motions of various tasks such as cooking, farming, etc. If threatened, they will enter the castle and alert SCP-XXXX-1. A few act as servants within the inner keep. SCP-XXXX-5 ~5 (variable) "Courtiers". SCP-XXXX-5 will follow SCP-XXXX-1 wherever he goes within the castle. They otherwise do not respond to stimuli. The Foundation currently possesses twelve (12) SCP-XXXX instances. If two SCP-XXXX instances are set up within 200 m of one another, the two instances will go to war. Each instance of SCP-XXXX-1 will lead a force of SCP-XXXX-3 to meet the other between the two castles. If one side is victorious, they will lay siege to the other SCP-XXXX instance and demand their surrender. Surrendering will result in the affected SCP-XXXX instance deflating, including all moving parts and SCP-XXXX-2, -3, -4, and -5 instances. The defeated SCP-XXXX-1 will revert to a normal human being. This is the only way to remove the cognitive infection from SCP-XXXX-1 instances, other than Class-B or stronger amnestics. Addendum A: Excerpt From SCP-XXXX Packaging "Hey kids, ever want to be the lord of your own medieval castle? Now you can, with Dr. Wondertainment's Blow-Up Fun Castle! Just inflate and take your seat on the throne! Rule your subjects from atop your magnificent keep, or lead your knights to do battle with the enemy! Just remember, time flies when you're having fun!" Addendum B: Incident Log XXXX-7 Date: 07/██/20██

On 07/██/20██, researchers ran a test on a single SCP-XXXX instance to document the behavior of SCP-XXXX-2, -3, -4, and -5 instances. At the conclusion of testing, Dr. ████████ approached SCP-XXXX on horseback with two security officers under a flag of truce as per protocol. Two minutes later, the outer gates opened and SCP-XXXX-1 (D-195633, 31 year old female of European descent) exited the castle with four SCP-XXXX-3 instances.

SCP-XXXX-1: And who might you be, that you would pass my gates?

Dr. ████████: Only weary travelers, my lord, who would take shelter within your walls for the night.

SCP-XXXX-1: Hmm…very well. Let it not be said that Lord Wondertainment is a poor host. You will dine with me in my chambers tonight!

Dr. ████████: Thank you, my lord.

SCP-XXXX-1 turned to re-enter SCP-XXXX. Dr. ████████ immediately stabbed SCP-XXXX-1 in the back of the neck with a Class-B amnestic syringe.

SCP-XXXX-1: Gah! Murderers, vagabonds! Seize him!

The four SCP-XXXX-3 instances drew their 'swords' and attacked the security officers. They dispatched them easily and restrained SCP-XXXX-1 before taking her back to Site-██. As Dr. ████████ and the security officers left, they were chased by the remaining SCP-XXXX-3 instances and pelted by plastic arrows shot by SCP-XXXX-2 instances. As the amnestic took effect, SCP-XXXX and all subsidiary entities rapidly deflated.

rating: 0 + x Item #: SCP-XXXX Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in its original shoebox within a standard Class I storage locker, except during testing. All testing of SCP-XXXX must take place in an indoor space. SCP-XXXX must only be worn by Class-D personnel less than 30 years of age, and only for periods of 20 minutes or less. Exceptions to the 20 minute limit may be granted by a Level 4 researcher. All test subjects wearing SCP-XXXX for more than five minutes and who do not expire from SCP-XXXX's effects are to be administered Class-A amenestics at the conclusion to testing to reduce psychological trauma. Description: SCP-XXXX is a pair of █████-brand track spikes, of the type usually used by middle- or long-distance runners. Materials testing has confirmed that it is made up of the same textiles and plastics expected of normal track spikes. When worn by a human being, SCP-XXXX creates a localized time dilation phenomenon. The subject will experience time at a highly accelerated rate relative to observers. This effect increases gradually from a ~1.2x relative difference to [REDACTED] over a period of ~5 minutes, after which the effect continues at that rate. Due to the time dilation effects, subject wearing SCP-XXXX are able to perform extreme physical feats, such as greatly increased speed (see Addendum A). Addendum A: Testing Logs Test XXXX-1

Preconditions: Test subject D-64468 was brought to the Site-11's 400 m indoor track and instructed to run two (2) laps, then remove SCP-XXXX.

Transcript:

-

D-64468: So, I just put the shoes on and run two laps?

Dr. █████: Affirmative. Just start at an easy jog.

D-64468 puts on SCP-XXXX and begins running. He completes the first lap in 61 seconds and the second in 35 seconds. D-64468 then sits down and removes the shoes.

Dr. █████: You don't appear winded.

D-64468: Winded? That was easy. Did get a bit windy for a second though.

-

Results: D-64468 wore SCP-XXXX for 1:41 seconds according to Dr. █████'s watch. However, the watch worn by D-64468 recorded a total time of 3:57. D-64468 complained of a slight headache after testing. Test XXXX-2

Preconditions: Test subject D-85639 was brought to the Site-11's 400 m indoor track and instructed to run five (5) laps, then remove SCP-XXXX.

Transcript:

-

Dr. █████: Please begin the test.

D-85639: Man, give me a break, this is like, the third test I've done today.

Dr. █████: You will be returned to your cell at the conclusion of the test. Please proceed.

D-85639 puts on SCP-XXXX and begins running. He completes the first lap in 59 seconds, the second in 31 seconds, and the third in 10 seconds. As he completes the third lap, the track surface begins to melt and bubble. High speed cameras capture D-85639 tripping an falling onto the track, then violently pulling SCP-XXXX off of his feet. Dr. █████ approaches with medical staff.

D-85639: OH GOD…what did you DO to me? What the fuck are those shoes? The burning…[incoherent screaming]

-

Results:D-85639 wore SCP-XXXX for 3:50 (observer time) before tripping. Subject admitted to medical ward with second and third degree burns over 45% of his body. D-85638 later expired from his injuries. Test XXXX-4

Preconditions: D-13856 brought to an empty concrete 8x8x8 m testing chamber. D-13856 was put into a straightjacket and told to remain still until retrieved by Dr. █████.

Transcript:

-

D-13856: What the fuck? What is this? What did I do?!?

Dr. █████: Your performance in testing has been exemplary thus far. The restraint is for your own protection.

Dr. █████ puts SCP-XXXX onto D-13856's feet, after which he and the guards vacated the chamber. D-13856 was seen to thrash wildly on the floor for a few minutes before becoming more calm. Subject was seen to 'vibrate', likely due to small random movements; otherwise subject remained still for approximately five minutes. After five minutes, D-13856 jerked abruptly and became apparently invisible. At the eight minute mark, suddenly became visible again. He had broken out of the straightjacket and thrown SCP-XXXX away. As Dr. █████ entered the testing chamber with guards and medical staff, D-13856 began to scream incoherently, and continued to do so until administered an anesthetic.

-

Results: After spending 8:38 seconds wearing SCP-XXXX, D-13856 had aged to approximately 50 years old (he began the test at 26 years of age). The fact that he survived indicates that SCP-XXXX somehow affects the wearer's metabolism. D-13856 was administered a Class-A amnestic, after which his mental state seemed to partially stabilize. Test XXXX-5

Preconditions: Same as Test XXXX-4, except performed with D-97454, who had had both her arms amputated after an automobile accident.

Transcript:

-

Test proceeded nearly identically to Test XXXX-3. D-97454 became invisible after about four minutes. D-97454 did not appear again until 22 minutes into the test, as a rapidly decaying corpse. SCP-XXXX's effects seemed to halt after 25 minutes, allowing D-97454's remains to be recovered.

-

Results: D-97454 expired at an apparent age of ninety years, with observers' clocks having recorded 22:03 between the start of the test and the subject's death.

rating: 0 + x Item #: SCP-XXXX Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be mounted on the wall of a standard 3x3x3 m Class III Inanimate Items Containment Cell. Two guards are to be posted outside the containment cell at all times. All testing and observation of SCP-XXXX and SCP-XXXX-1 is to be carried out by Level 2 Researchers. They are to monitor and catalog all activities, conversations, printed materials, and computer use. Due to Incident XXXX-5, they must also carry Mark II Causal Phase Monitors on their persons. Should any object or person native to SCP-XXXX-1 come into phase with our reality, all personnel are to vacate SCP-XXXX-1 and MTF Kappa-3 ("Welcome Partiers") is to be mobilized to intercept any trans-causal incursions. SCP-XXXX while open. Description: SCP-XXXX is a solid wooden door similar to those used as the entrance to typical private residences. Only the ‘exterior’ side of the door exhibits anomalous properties. The 'interior' side leads nowhere, only opening back into the containment chamber. SCP-XXXX-1 is an alternate reality that can be accessed via SCP-XXXX. The reality is superficially similar to present-day Earth. However, there are marked sociopolitical differences as demonstrated by the ██████ family's behavior and print and electronic media found within their home (see Addendum B). By passing through through SCP-XXXX, personnel emerge into the living room of a small three-bedroom split level house. The house is located in what appears to be a middle class neighborhood similar to those found in the eastern United States. The Foundation has determined that the home belongs to the ██████ family (designated SCP-XXXX-2), who inhabit SCP-XXXX-1. See Addendum A for more information on the ██████ family and other known inhabitants of SCP-XXXX-1. Objects and persons native to SCP-XXXX-1 are out of phase with matter from our reality. Personnel have not been able to move or pick up any objects within SCP-XXXX-1, though solid surfaces still impede their movement. The inhabitants of SCP-XXXX-1 have never to date been able to observe the Foundation's presence, nor can they perceive the portal connecting our world and SCP-XXXX-1. Level 3 and higher personnel assigned to SCP-XXXX are required to read Addendum D to this document. In addition, an invisible barrier has prevented personnel from exploring SCP-XXXX-1 beyond a 7-meter radius of the house. Investigation into the properties of this barrier is ongoing. Addendum A: List of Significant Inhabitants of SCP-XXXX-1 Name: Sarah ██████

Age: 41

Description: Caucasian female, ~170 cm in height. Very short red hair. James’s wife and mother to Elif and Samuel. Name: James ██████

Age: 39

Description: Caucasian male, ~180 cm in height. Short brown hair. Sarah’s husband and father to Elif and Samuel. Name: Elif ██████

Age: 17

Description: Turkic female, ~165 cm in height. Long black hair, usually tied into a bun. Sarah and James’s adopted daughter and Samuel’s adopted sister. Name: Samuel ██████

Age: 8

Description: Caucasian male, ~120 cm in height. Short brown hair. Sarah and James’s son and Elif’s brother. Name: Emily

Age: 16

Description: Caucasian female, ~160 cm in height. Shoulder-length blond hair. Elif’s girlfriend. Often seen at ██████ residence. Name: Mark

Age: 47

Description: Black male, ~190 cm in height. Greying black hair. James’s friend and co-worker. Often seen at ██████ residence. Deceased; see Addendum C. Addendum B: Media Observed within SCP-XXXX-1 (Partial Listing) Media Type: Print, newspaper

Description: Copy of “The Wall Street Journal” dated 07/20/2005. Similar in format to the WSJ of our reality. Headlines include “35 Killed in Train Derailment in Scotland”, “President DeNiro Institutes National Curfew”, “Opposition to Cannibalism Up 1.3% Last Year”, “Dow Down 5% This Month”, and “Ohio Congregation Offers Themselves to Our Lord”. Media Type: Print, magazine

Description: Copy of “Kingdom Girl” published March 2006. Appears to be a fashion and lifestyle magazine targeted at college-age women. Contains images of “designer bodybags” and an article on the best and healthiest ways to prepare human flesh, along with more pedestrian content. Media Type: Website

Description: ‘www.countdown.org’, front and apparently only page shows a 7-digit number counting down at an average rate of 1.5 per second. Last known count at 4,563,644,439. Only other feature on the page is a small line of text near the bottom: “Copyright 2006 Church of the Saints Purified”. Media Type: Print, religious tract

Description: Document is a tri-fold pamphlet titled "The Reaping and You". Cameras have never captured a clear view of the contents. However, an image of the cover is included below: [image pending] Addendum C: Partial Video Surveillance Transcripts SCP-XXXX-3 All dates listed correspond to our reality. "Priest" seen during the above incident. Believed to be a representative of the "Church of the Saints Purified". Date: 09/██/20██

Family and Emily are sitting together in living room watching television. Television depicts NFL American football game between the Cleveland Browns and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Ten seconds are left on the clock.

James: Gogogogogogogo-Awwwww…

The Steelers quarterback fumbles the ball and the Steelers lose possession. Game ends 17-14 in favor of the Browns. The Steelers’ coach walks calmly to the 50 yard line and kneels. Referee approaches and produces a large knife hidden in his waistband. He proceeds to [DATA EXPUNGED] and the mutilated body is dragged to the sideline by two men who appear similar to Catholic priests. The Browns line up beside the body, and each in turn cuts off a chunk of flesh and consumes it raw.

Sarah: Well, he had a good run. Lasted 7 games, longest since [REDACTED].

James: He’s in a better place now, though.

Samuel: Amen.

Elif: Amen! Date: 12/██/20██

James and Mark are having a conversation in James’s home office.

Mark: I just don’t get it. I’ve been with the company for 23 years and boom, I’m out the door in a day.

James: Don’t be too hard on yourself. This economy is tough on all of us.

Mark: But how am I going to put food on the table? Who’s gonna hire an old fart like me?

James: You know, the church has started offering cash bonuses to the families of supplicants again.

Mark stares off into the middle distance for a few moments.

Mark: That’ll be enough cash to last them years.

Mark is silent again.

James: You’re sure about this?

Mark: Yeah

James: Want me to do the honors?

Mark: Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll go to the church and do it the proper way. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get a leg. Date: 01/██/20██

James and Samuel are in the kitchen. James is carving steaks off of a human leg believed to belong to Mark.

James: Now, the secret is to cut with the grain of the meat. That gives you a much cleaner looking steak and helps keep it fresh. You see?

Samuel: Yes daddy.

James hands Samuel one of the steaks. Samuel puts the steak into a plastic bag and places the bag into the freezer. Date: /04/██/20██

Family is gathered in the dining room on the day known in the Christian faith as Good Friday. All electric lights are turned off; the room is lit by a single wax candle. The family begins to sing a hymn based on 'How Great Thou Art' (a common hymn written by Carl Gustav Boberg).

All:

O Lord my God

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds thy hands have made

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy power throughout the universe displayed

-

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee

How great thou art! How great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee

How great thou art! How great thou art!

-

I taste thy flesh

I feel thy warm blood flowing

As I devour the sacrifice we make

I hear the sound, of the lambs' cries of triumph

As we cut through the throats thy hands have made

-

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee

How great thou art! How great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee

How great thou art! How great thou art!

-

Soon even those

Who are still shamed and sinful

Will a part of the offering of grace

They will be found, their hiding is so futile

And yet their blood is no less sweet to you

-

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee

How great thou art! How great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee

How great thou art! How great thou art!

-

The time is near

The hour fast approaching

For the final offering to you our Lord

Our time grows short, our numbers quickly dwindling

Soon we will all share in your warm embrace

-

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee

How great thou art! How great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee

How great thou art! How great thou art! Addendum D: ACCESS RESTRICTED TO LEVEL 3 AND HIGHER PERSONNEL + CLEARANCE LEVEL 3 AND HIGHER ACCESS ONLY - ENCRYPT Dr. Daniel Prowse, Report to O5 Command Concerning Incident XXXX-5 By now I'm sure you've read the report. It was by pure chance that we detected the phase shift. SCP-XXXX was being used a part of beta testing for the Mark II Kant counters, and they just happened to pick up a brief constructive interference spike. We thought it was a malfunction with the counters, but the techs insisted they were working perfectly. So we brought a counter into SCP-XXXX-1 to try and find the source. We found the flash drive and the note on the coffee table, completely in phase with our reality. I've included a copy below for posterity's sake: Dear fellow researchers, We've been monitoring your presence at the ██████ residence for some time now, and thus far you haven't seriously interfered with containment of the local Einstein-Rosen anomaly. Our force field around the house ensured you couldn't get into too much mischef. However, our Most Holy O5s have finally approved my request to give you a heads up on our situation. Whatever this looks like, you must not attempt to interfere. We have our reasons for instituting the current state of affairs. I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that it's all part of the containment procedures. For what? For Him. He demands more bodies, more blood every day. We have determined that our timeline is ultimately non-viable due to His presence. When He is done with us, you'll be next on the menu. We've been trying to find a way to close the anomaly, but thus far to no avail. You can't imagine the power requirements for a phase shift of the scale that brought you this message. This will most likely be our last message to you. Assume any further phase shifts are His doing. The data on this flash drive is everything we have on Him (or, SCP-████ as we like to say). Please find a way to close the anomaly. There might be some property you can exploit from your side. It would help me sleep better if I knew this was all ultimately worth it. Godspeed,

Dr. Solomon Chadwick, Senior Researcher and Bishop of the Church of the Saints Purified Based on this note and information recovered from the drive, I am recommending that SCP-XXXX be upgraded to Euclid class and that we put MTF Kappa-3 on standby to deal with anything else that tries to get through. God help us all,

Dr. Daniel Prowse, Director of Site-██

rating: 0 + x (based on mainsite Object Classes page) All anomalous objects, entities, and phenomena requiring Special Containment Procedures are assigned an Object Class for purposes of research priority, budgeting, and other considerations. The class assigned to an object is generally determined by a number of factors, but most importantly by a combination of its difficulty to contain as well as the danger posed to Foundation personnel and humanity at large. A particular anomaly's classification is subject to update and modification as research and our understanding of the object, entity, or phenomenon improves. Primary Classes These are the most common Object Classes assigned to anomalies, and make up the bulk of the Foundation's database. Safe Safe-class objects are those anomalies that are either sufficiently understood that they are now completely and reliably contained on a permanent basis or otherwise do not trigger their anomalous effects unless intentionally activated. Classifying an anomaly as Safe, however, does not mean that handling or activating it does not pose a threat, and personnel are to be reminded that all Special Containment Procedures and safety protocols are to be observed at all times. Euclid Euclid-class objects are anomalies that are either insufficiently understood or inherently unpredictable, such that reliable containment is not always possible, but do not pose sufficient threat to qualify for Keter classification. The vast majority of anomalies cataloged and contained by the Foundation are initially classified as Euclid until they are either sufficiently understood or exhibit sufficient danger to qualify for reclassification. In particular, any anomaly that exhibits autonomy, sentience and/or sapience is generally classified a Euclid-class entity at minimum, due to the inherent unpredictability of an object that can act or think on its own. Keter Keter-class objects are anomalies that pose an inimical threat to the safety of Foundation personnel and may be exceptionally difficult to contain. In event of a containment breach, local Foundation security and MTF units are generally authorized to use any means necessary to re-establish containment. These anomalies are generally considered the most dangerous ones in Foundation containment, and all research efforts are directed towards enabling more reliable containment of such anomalies or, as a last resort, the timely neutralization or destruction of its anomalous effects. Abhoth Abhoth-class objects are anomalies considered powerful enough to pose a threat to global civilization, the Earth itself, or the universe as a whole. Containment is either nearly or entirely impossible. Currently, the Foundation is only capable of observing Abhoth-class objects and surprising knowledge of their existence. Development of new technologies or procedures to contain Abhoth-class objects or ensure the survival of the human race in event of XK- or CK-class scenarios takes precedence over all other Foundation efforts. Thaumiel Thaumiel-class objects are highly classified and extremely rare anomalies that are utilized by the Foundation to contain or counteract the effects of other highly dangerous anomalies, especially Keter and Abhoth-class objects. Even the mere existence of Thaumiel-class objects is classified at the highest levels of the Foundation and their locations, functions, and current status are known to few Foundation personnel outside of the O5 Council. Secondary Classes The following Object Classes are sub-classes that supplement the object's primary (or former) classification. They are appended with a hyphen to primary object classes (e.g. Euclid-Mercator). Multiple secondary classifications may be appended (e.g. Keter-Mercator-Shockley). Mercator Mercator-class objects are objects for whom standard containment procedures are currently impractical or irrelevant. This may be due to their mobile nature, or because it would be impossible to properly contain them because they are somehow imbedded in civilian life. The Foundation focuses on preventing Mercator-class objects from encountering civilian populations and surprising knowledge of their existence by the general populace. Shockley Shockley-class objects are anomalies of a non-physical or esoteric nature. This includes anomalies consisting of concepts, information, or electromagnetic signals. Such objects are often memetic hazards or cognitohazards. Neutralized Neutralized anomalies are those that are no longer anomalous, either through having been intentionally or accidentally destroyed, disabled, or otherwise no longer function or exhibit anomalous effects. The documentation for Neutralized anomalies is archived for posterity in case the anomaly regains its anomalous properties or otherwise recurs in the future. Explained Explained anomalies are those that are completely and fully understood to the point where their effects are now explainable by mainstream science, have been debunked as a false or mistaken classification, or are so widespread and publicly disseminated such that containment is no longer possible.