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We handed Blizzard 64 dollars and said, "I would like to be a monk named Fuckhole, please." And in return, they took our money first and responded second, "No, that name doesn't quite sit with us. Take out the cursing, and you can play. Well, for an hour or so, that is. Maybe. We'll see how it goes."

Sixty-four dollars is as much as some people make in an entire day. For them, handing that over to play a video game is not a minor event. All they want in return is to use the product they just fucking paid for. If any other company in the world sold you a product that didn't work, and then refused to hand over some sort of compensation in return, you wouldn't even need a lawyer. The judge would tell them straight up, "Give them a working product, or give them their money back, or go to fucking jail." But for whatever reason, the video game industry gets away with this now? Every time they have a problem with their servers, I can't play the game I already bought? In an era when people carry their entire music library around with them on their phones, I have less ownership and control of my video games than I had in 1979?

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And make no mistake, we have every right to bitch. We don't want to hear condescending assholes telling us, "Calm down. It's just a game. Be patient." It's not just a game. It's the principle: We paid for it. We get to decide when to play it.

But ranting aside, the game came back up three hours later, and I had the time of my life with it. It's seriously one of the best games I've played in years -- not even Skyrim got me excited about gaming the way Diablo III has. It's just too bad that the model we've had to resort to in order to prevent piracy is exactly the model that's killing the genre of PC gaming. Oh, wait, did I say just "PC gaming"? I meant "all video games."

Hahahaha! He's dead!

For more Cheese, check out 5 Terrifying Online Trends (Invented By the News Media) and 5 Gaming Technologies That Are Making Virtual Sex a Reality.