OTTAWA, ON—After a series of failures to fix the deficit the Canadian government has no choice but to sell off the most valuable asset the country has left: Sudbury's Big Nickel.

The thirty-foot nickel currently resides in front of Sudbury's Dynamic Earth Science Museum, but for the right price it could be yours to whip at seagulls just like any other nickel.

Late last week Bill Morneau, Canada's Minister of Finance, decided that putting the nickel on Craigslist was the best course of action to deal with the $9.44 billion deficit. The post was originally listed as Stupid 30-Foot Nickel. 5 Cents OBO in the Missed Connections section of the website until an intern noticed the mistake and moved it to the For Sale page.

To Morneau's surprise, all interested parties were unwilling to pay full price for the item. "Why would I pay more than five cents for a used nickel?" questioned Andrew Parker, an habitual Craigslist lowballer and the nickel's current highest bidder. His offer is 3 cents and a firm hug (moaning negotiable).

These terrible offers did not do much to dampen Morneau's fiscal prowess, or his spirit. "They're just a bunch of tire-kickers and lookie-loos," he says. "This is how haggling works: I say six-million. They say two cents. I say fine, forty-thousand. Then they say three cents. It's all a dance." Morneau says he feels certain the two parties will come to a fair agreement.

It is hard to say whether this money-making gambit will pay off. Only one thing is certain: it will take more than a couple of firm hugs to balance the budget. Government officials speculate that Canada may have to be willing to part with Drumheller's giant dinosaur and Calgary's "Cool Runnings" bobsled track.