The Problem of Lesbian Sheep

When sheep, in the mountains, are wanting to breed,

there's not very much that the sheep up there need.

For they've got quite a system when it's time to mate:

the rams nose around, and the ewes stand and wait.

Yes, the female sheep don't have to do anything,

when the rams (in the mountains) go crazy in spring,

but give off special smells from their feminine places

which those sex-hungry rams can detect - with their faces.

Yep those rams stick their noses in each ewe's behind

to detect if to mating she might be inclined,

and if so he mounts her - they both have their fun -

and that's how the process of mating is done.

And so, to sum up, there's a system in place

to ensure that the sheep can continue their race,

and it works like a charm. So, no cause to lose sleep.

... but consider the problem of lesbian sheep ...

Yes, a lesbian sheep hopes and prays she can find

a lesbian ewe who's of similar mind

but she doesn't know how! She was brought up to think

that to find a good mate, you just stand there and stink.

And alas, her true love, just a few yards away,

tries the very same thing in the very same way,

and though they both want to be loved and be held,

they just stand around, and wait to be smelled.

Oh the pain they must suffer! Their agonized cries!

The mere thought of their torment brings tears to my eyes!

And it's all so unneeded! Imagine their joy

if they just found a different technique to employ.

Even lesbian sheep must have some way to meet!

It presumably starts by one moving its feet,

drawing close to the other and sniffing its rear,

or presenting its own. On this point I'm not clear.

But they can't stand around like their hetero kin

simply waiting for somebody else to begin.

And so my advice to gay sheep as they graze:

to woo lesbian ewes, use less motionless ways.

Fort Collins

July-August, 2002

revised January 15, 2004