And because you're a special brand of neurotic, you print out a 4000-word piece of research titled Facebook Surveillance of Former Romantic Partners: Associations with Post-breakup Recovery and Personal Growth – you know, for some light weekend reading.

Covert provocation

Facebook-stalking has an academic name, which is almost as creepy: "digital surveillance". And according to one cyber psychologist, the two most cited reasons for using Facebook are to keep in touch with others and to "surreptitiously monitor their activities".

Using a "16-item Breakup Distress Scale" and a "21-item Post-traumatic Growth Inventory", the research found that late-night, early-morning, lunchbreak, train-ride casual stalking makes getting over your ex-partner immeasurably more difficult.

This is so obvious that you almost break your phone screen as you slam it into your forehead. You're doing fine!

According to one cyber psychologist, the two most cited reasons for "digital surveillance" are to keep in touch with others and to "surreptitiously monitor their activities". HBO

Rather than just lamely flicking through their photos or monitoring their status updates, it turns out the vast majority of respondents admitted to regularly examining their ex-partner's list of friends. For any buxom or delightfully cute new additions, I suppose.

Indeed, some of us indulge in what is described as "covert provocation", which involves writing a status update to make someone else jealous or send them insane.


The cyber pyschologist gently suggests we avoid doing this, as it qualifies you for residence in a special circle of hell.

But what is interesting, and contrary to the hundreds (read: thousands) of Cosmopolitan articles, Thought Catalog postings and heartbreak relationship websites you've consulted in your quest for social media peace, it might actually help to remain friends with the person on Facebook.

Oh, the banality

"This is counter-intuitive!" you shout. But something unfurls in your stomach at the idea of eliminating them entirely from your feeds; it seems nigh on impossible and obviously, not fun at all.

Apparently, people who remain Facebook friends with an ex-partner rate lower in negative feelings, sexual desire and longing for said former partner than people who do not.

And researcher suggests a few reasons for this: the first, that perhaps the split was more amicable than for those who went immediately to unfriend. Thanks.

Second, it's possible that unbidden exposure to banal status updates, comments and photos reduce residual longing. Unless of course, they are nifty with a clever caption and have a wicked eye for a good pun.

And third, if you are suddenly bereft of access to aforementioned captions and puns, your ex might "remain shrouded in an alluring mystique" which sends you even more batty than you might have been when their #brunch photos were visible.

Your conclusion could be that the respondents to this particular survey had blatantly lied, and that having access to Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, FourSquare, Tumblr, WhatsApp, Myspace, Flickr and Pinterest accounts is definitely going to hamper your break-up recovery.

Unless your relationship took place almost entirely on Snapchat and all communication has been deleted. It's like your passionate love affair never existed ... Tip for next time!