A million Beliebers burst into tears and had an existential crisis last night after Esperanza Spalding, an up and coming jazz artist, won Best New Artist at the Grammys. “How can she win with only 8 thousand followers on Twitter?,” they sobbed.

Tears soon turned into hatred and hatred into revenge as Justin Bieber’s fans started defacing Spalding’s Wikipedia page by changing her middle name to “Justin” and “Quesadilla” and writing “Justin Bieber deserved it go die in a hole. Who the heck are you anyway?”

These 12-year-olds aren’t very inventive. “Quesadilla?” Well, I guess it’s better than “Burrito.” Their parents should sit them down and explain that no one cares about the Grammys and then teach them more creative racism. But only after telling them Spalding is African American, Welsh and Spanish. Stupid Beliebers. You’re doing it wrong.