Few people pay attention to their company’s parental leave policy until they’re about to become a mother or father. But once that happens, it’s critical to know how much time you can take off, and with what pay. Getting the leave you want is a matter of understanding your company’s policy and then appropriately advocating for your needs.



What the Experts Say

Joan Williams, a law professor and the founding director of the Center for WorkLife Law at the University of California’s Hastings College of the Law, says that most large organizations have a policy on the books, but it’s rarely set in stone. “There are a lot of informal negotiations that go on with supervisors,” agrees Peter Cappelli, a management professor at the Wharton School and the author of Talent on Demand: Managing Talent in an Age of Uncertainty. For many parents-to-be, the company’s standard benefit is more of a starting point than a mandate. “Even when there is a policy, employees often negotiate a better situation for themselves,” says Denise Rousseau, the H.J. Heinz II Professor of Organizational Behavior and Public Policy at Carnegie Mellon’s Heinz School of Public Policy and Tepper School of Business and author of I-Deals: Idiosyncratic Deals Workers Bargain for Themselves. So if you’re unhappy with what your company offers, consider following these steps to try for a more generous leave. (Note that while this advice is based on policies and norms in U.S. companies, the general advice can be used in any setting where you are hoping to negotiate a better situation for yourself):

Know what you’re entitled to

Start by reviewing your organization’s employee manual or talking with someone in HR. In the U.S., if your firm has more than 50 employees within a 75-mile radius of its worksites, it’s subject to the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which requires companies to grant new parents at least 12 weeks of unpaid, job-guaranteed leave. Some organizations go beyond this requirement. According to the Families and Work Institute’s 2012 National Study of Employers, the average policy allows 14 weeks for the primary-care giver. But for many new parents that time off is only partially paid, or completely unpaid. While 58% of new mothers and 14% of fathers receive some amount of replacement pay, only 9% of companies offer a fully paid benefit. (It’s worth noting that the U.S. is only one of three countries that doesn’t offer paid maternity benefits).

Ask yourself if that’s enough

Unfortunately, few organizations have policies that fit the needs of modern working families. “Many of the workplaces of today are perfectly designed for the workforce of 1960,” says Williams. Once you understand what you are entitled to, ask yourself, “Will it meet my needs? Will I have enough time off? Will the pay be sufficient?” Talk with your partner or spouse. Of course, it’s hard to anticipate how much leave you’ll want until your child has arrived. One solution is to ask for the longest amount of time you can afford to take, knowing that you can return to work earlier if you choose to.



Explore alternatives

Williams suggests you ask around and find out what precedents colleagues have set with their parental leaves and what companies comparable to your own offer their employees. “It’s worthwhile to investigate what other types of arrangements have been acceptable,” agrees Rousseau. “Find out who else has been on leave recently, what problems they had, and how they solved them.”

There will be limits to what you can negotiate. You may be able to get more time off or a flexible work schedule more easily than you can get more pay. Cappelli suggests you list all of the different options that might work for you. “Then rank them — which ones are easiest for your employer to say yes to, which ones need the least approval,” he says.



Start with your manager

Rousseau points out that most individualized arrangements start as a negotiation between a valued employee and her manager. Bring it up with your boss as a problem you’re hoping to solve together, not a demand or threat. The research you did will be helpful to your boss and may give him leverage to advocate on your behalf. “This is where it really helps to be a good employee that they don’t want to lose,” says Cappelli. If you think your boss will be unsympathetic, you can also start with HR. However, “HR is often reluctant to deviate from what’s in print,” says Rousseau.

Framing your request as an exception to the policy can make some managers uncomfortable. Instead, you might try to set it up as an experiment. “Organizations innovate or update policies by having people challenge them and set new precedents,” says Rousseau.

Know when to take what you’re given

Sometimes you shouldn’t negotiate. “If people are being laid-off around you, if you’re not on great terms with your boss, it’s not a good time to ask about anything that looks like special treatment,” says Cappelli. Rousseau says your decision to negotiate should also be dependent on your past job performance. “Anytime you have something that is non-compliant, it can create tension. If you’re not in good standing it can be hard to make the case,” she says.



Fathers: Take note

“It’s incredibly rare that men take the full paternal leave given to them,” says Williams. And that’s not because they’re more eager than women to get back to work. “We hear right left and middle that men are discouraged from it,” she explains. Rousseau agrees, “Men pay more of a career price for taking time off.” While it’s important to recognize this bias, don’t let it prevent you from using your benefit or from negotiating something better. That’s the only way the inequity will change.

Principles to Remember

Do:

Do some background research to understand what types of leaves others have taken and what other companies offer

Start by talking to your manager about the leave you hope to take

Ask for the longest amount of time you can afford — you can always return to work earlier if you choose to

Don’t:

Shy away from taking the full leave offered to you, especially if you’re a father

Frame your negotiation as an exception to the existing policy — try to set it up as an experiment instead

Negotiate if you aren’t in good standing as an employee

Case study #1 — Lead the way

When Cara Quinn* first joined the educational technology company where she’s worked for the past three years, she didn’t take note of its maternity policy. She wasn’t yet married or even thinking about kids. But last winter when she became pregnant, she was disappointed to find out the company offered no paid leave. As a Massachusetts resident, Cara was eligible to apply for short-term disability but that wouldn’t cover her whole salary and wouldn’t kick in until two weeks after she’d given birth.

At first, she just accepted the policy at face value. But then she started asking around about other employers’ rules. “It was really eye-opening to realize that not a single friend worked for a company that was quite so stingy,” she says. People advised her to negotiate a better deal and, although she was hesitant, she did eventually sit down with her manager to explain what a tough financial position the policy would put her in. She shared the research she’d done on peer companies and asked if there was any leeway in her employer’s policy. Her supervisor agreed to talk with the HR director to get more information.

After a few back-and-forth discussions, the company agreed to cover the blackout period before she could apply for short-term disability. “That was certainly an improvement; two weeks out of twelve is far better than zero,” she says. They also agreed to let her work remotely so she could earn additional money.

Cara admits that it isn’t an ideal situation but she’s happy she negotiated. And she feels fortunate that her husband’s law firm is more generous. He gets two months of fully paid paternity leave.

“For a while it made me feel incredibly disheartened that women aren’t valued and I wonder whether I should stay when I have another child,” she says. But for now she’s home with her baby and enjoying her partially paid leave.

*not her real name

Case study #2 — To get what you want, you have to ask

Brian Braiker had been an editor at Newsweek for four years when his wife got pregnant with their first child. During the pregnancy, they discussed the possibility of one of them staying home during the first year. “Neither of us were thrilled with the idea of putting a baby in someone else’s care full time. I think that first year of development and bonding is crucial,” he says. They agreed that after his wife’s three-month maternity was up, Brian would take over as a full-time parent. “She out-earned me tremendously. I was a journalist. She was a consultant. Financially it just made sense if one of us was going to stay home, it would be me,” he says. Newsweek had an official paternity policy of two weeks paid leave, which he took right after the birth, and FMLA guaranteed him his job for three months. But Brian and his wife were hoping for longer.

He went to his boss, Deidre, to ask for a six-month unpaid leave. He suspected she would be open to it — she had taken a year off when her child was born — and she was. “I think she admired that I wanted to do it. She places a high premium on family,” he says. And the organization seemed supportive as well. “If there was any resistance to the idea of an extended leave she shielded me from it,” he says. When his six months were almost up, he asked for a three-month extension, which his boss again granted.

When he returned to Newsweek, he parlayed his experience into work. He started a Newsweek blog called, “I, Breeder” about parenting issues. Brian says he didn’t have any concerns about the impact on his career. “My boss was empathetic so I knew I would be able to pick up roughly where I left off,” he says. “Besides if my legacy comes down to being a great parent or being a great Newsweek employee, being a parent is going to win every time.”