LONDON is to become dominated by enormous menacing robotic penises thrusting into the sky, planners have confirmed.

Following the popularity of giant wangs the Gherkin and the Shard, the 1,000ft Tulip tower will be the first of a new crop of glass-and-steel dicks, monumental todgers and shiny cocks.

Architect Julian Cook said: “Who likes living in the shadow of a colossal metal cock? Everybody? Yeah, us too.

“The Tulip is basically a very long shaft with a bulge at the top, like a lovely big phallus. It’ll be even taller than The Shard, which resembles a colossal spam javelin belonging to a malfunctioning dystopian android.

“Those who do live, work or dine in them will be total and utter cocks, so the buildings are a natural part of the environment.

“And when our great capital is finally a pulsing metropolis of dongs, schlongs, womb-brooms and love-muscles it will be the envy of the world.”

He added: “Yes, my own penis is perfectly adequate, thank you.”