

(Pablo Martinez Monsivais/AP)

Do you know why Colt McCoy is named Colt? Yeah, I don’t either. But I do know that it’s his middle name, not his first name.

And that his grandfather’s name is Burl.

And that he met Condoleezza Rice that one time. (At least?) (Maybe there were other times, too?) (I don’t know.) (Get at me on Twitter, Condoleezza.)

And that he also once swam 300 yards to save a neighbor who was having a seizure. He did!

I know this because on Tuesday afternoon, I spent a ton of time Googling stuff about Colt McCoy, pulling together a bunch of (generally) inane non-football facts to help us navigate this brave new world.

Will knowing this stuff make you a better football fan? Absolutely not. But class is in session anyway, guys. Let’s start at the most obvious place — this video.

• It exists.

That’s all you need to know, probably.

• Colt McCoy’s high school business teacher “saved all of McCoy’s old tests because he never scored lower than a 95 and because she knew he would become famous,” according to an Austin American-Statesman article from 2009.

• Colt McCoy grew up in the small Texas city of Tuscola. Or TusCOLTa, if we’re being clever. How small? This small: “Someone left a bike in the yard of 642 Railroad Ave,” reads a post on the town’s Facebook page. “if it is your bike please retrieve it.” Colt? Is this your bike?

• I bet President Bush thought all these people were gathered to see him in 2009, but if we’re being real, they probably just wanted Colt McCoy’s autograph:

• I poked around a little, and could not initially figure out if Colt McCoy had a cool dog, even though every Texan has to have a cool dog, it’s basically in the constitution. This was super frustrating at the time, because pet ownership seemed important. Then I went through his tweets, and look what I found.

Fishing with my dog one last time before I head to camp... pic.twitter.com/xuyie4h4ZO — Colt McCoy (@ColtMcCoy) July 15, 2013

It’s a cool dog! I told you!

(Please note that I have no confirmation that this is Colt McCoy’s dog.)

• According to the 2009 profile, when learning how to be a leader, Colt McCoy picked up some hot tips from a family friend who worked for this company, and taught him about handshakes and stuff.

“Colt is so self-aware that it’s always been about the small stuff,” the friend told the American-Statesman. “Because he’s so respectful, we’ve always been worried about him being overlooked.

“So one of our early goals was that he has physical contact with all his offensive players every time he passed them. Give them a handshake, a knuckle bump. Make sure you look them in the eye. Be consistent.”

• Oh hey, here comes Yahoo!, with another very chill Colt McCoy story:

Though he’s a Texan at heart, McCoy was actually born about six miles from the state’s border, in Lovington, N.M. Under the hospital crib of his first son, Colt’s father placed a shoebox filled with dirt. “Just so we could say he was born over Texas soil,” Brad McCoy said.

Okay!

•In the Great Dunkin’ Donuts vs. Starbucks War, I’m happy to report that Colt McCoy is fighting for the right side.

• According to that ’09 American-Statesman article: “The first time McCoy bench-pressed 300 pounds, teammates were so excited that they picked him up and carried him around the weight room.”

• “If your kid looks like he’s willing to be only mediocre at something, you’ve already lost the battle,” reads this Amazon.com review of Colt McCoy’s book, “Growing Up Colt: A Father, a Son, a Life in Football.” “You’re not gonna raise Colt. It doesn’t matter what you do. You can’t turn hamburger into filet mignon.”

(On sale now for $7.98!)

All this, and I still don’t know why his middle name is Colt.