Homeless Londoners being ‘harvested for parts’ to rebuild Prince Philip

Reports coming from homeless communities across London are suggesting that Prince Philip’s current hospital stay will see him receiving more than a new hip.

Marsha Wells, who runs a hostel for the homeless in the East End claims to have witnessed some of her clients being whisked away in the night, only to be returned the following day with their memories erased and a part of them missing.

Speaking to us today she said, “It’s been awful, we’ve have had at least eight clients go missing in the last two weeks. It’s always the same when the Duke is in hospital, take old Mr Cowans over there, he disappeared last Tuesday and when he came back 24 hours later, his left foot was missing.”

Apparently, other items ‘stolen’ from the homeless have included a left arm, a set of teeth, part of a spine and a right nipple. “It’s bleeding, wrong, that’s what it is. It’s alright for the Royals to have a new this and that, but we aren’t even getting the old ones back to patch them up.”

Mrs Wells now fears that, with the Queen ageing, there will be more ‘bodysnatching’ to come.

“I don’t doubt it, we lost a load when the old Queen Mum was on her last legs, they buried more of our lot than they did of her when she popped off, I can tell you. One poor old girl was just down to a head on a stick, yet they still came back for her ears.”

The Palace has not commented on the reports, other than to say that Prince Philip is expected to make a full recovery following minor surgery.