Don’t worry, this isn’t some spooky ghost story where you sit around the campfire with a torch under your face. This is simply my experience with hallucinations- that mainly occur in the dark. Before I start I want to say that what I experience is NOT sleep paralysis. I am 100% able to move and it’s no where near as scary as I imagine sleep paralysis would be. Actually now that I think about, I may have a cause for concern. My brain has been doing some interesting things lately. Hallucinations, then migraines, and possible epileptic seizures. Good thing I’m seeing a neurologist next year. A real one. Not one that I’m hallucinating.

Anyway lets begin. I had my first hallucination when I was 15 and it was one of/the scariest moments of my life. I woke up one night around 3am and rolled over. My door was shut and all the lights were off. I opened my eyes and saw a black figure in the corner of my room. It was wearing a hooded robe and I couldn’t see it’s face, but I did see it’s long bony fingers. Somehow I kept myself composed, not believing what I was seeing. Without looking away from it I reached for my light but couldn’t find the switch. I quickly glanced over for just a second to turn it on. When the light was on and I looked back, whatever it was had vanished. Safe to say, I left my light on that night. And every night since.

From then on, when things got really bad I would see this figure during the day. It wasn’t so bad then because I was usually in an open place and could see him a lot easier and all his details. He resembled the Grim Reaper. Notice how I’ve started saying he? To make him seem less scary I personified him and saw him as a friend there to support me rather than a big, scary monster stalking me. Sometimes he’d creep up on me in school. Sometimes, he’d be there in the corridor just standing there. Sometimes, he’d be in class, standing right next to the teacher. I found that it helped to walk through him to remind myself that he wasn’t real, but he was so damn scary. Over time, it got even worse and sometimes he’d start walking towards me, and once or twice he even reached his long, bony fingers around my neck. I swear I could feel it. All I wanted to do was scream, but I reminded myself that class is not the time or place to start screaming myself. Now that I look back, I actually think it’s the perfect time but oh well, too late now. Despite him being in touching distance, I never once saw his face. In that hood was just pure darkness.

Things started getting better eventually. I had waves where I wouldn’t see him and then when I saw him a lot. I’ve learnt when I see him most (in the darkness) so I keep lights on where ever I go and now I barely ever see him. I have started some new hallucinations. Visually, I’ve seen a black dog a few times and lots of peripheral movements and walls and floors moving, but the Grim Reaper was the worst. I’ve had auditory hallucinations lately. I hear someone crying, laughing, or coughing. It varies. The coughing is always my dad (he has a chronic cough) and I know it’s not real because he’ll be at work. The crying is usually a woman and the laughing is usually a couple of kids. It only lasts a few seconds but it sounds like it’s coming from the room next door and is very unsettling. I’ve also had a smell hallucination. This prompted the whole ‘possible epilepsy’ situation. I can’t tell what the smell is. It’s not a good or a bad smell. It’s just a smell. The doctor said that that is a common symptom of a type of epilepsy where your brain has a seizure but your body doesn’t…Not sure if that makes sense. I believe it was related to migraines though because since starting migraine medication I haven’t had it.

I’m really glad my hallucinations aren’t as bad as they used to be. It drives you crazy. You are so convinced these things are real, there’s no way they could be fake when they look/sound/smell so real. I’d love to hear about others’ hallucinations and how they’ve affected your life.

Thanks for reading

Larne