What? Photo: @realDonaldTrump/Twitter

On Thursday, President Trump posted a 14-second video of himself to Twitter. It is a bizarre, unsettling, and profoundly puzzling performance. I have watched it anywhere between 12 and 600 times, desperate for answers, trying to make sense of it, and yet, the more I see it, the less I understand about the video, the world, and myself. Take a look:

Confused? Here’s the script:

Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats wants to abolish the brave men and women of ICE. What I want to do is abolish the killers in ISIS. And you know who’s gonna win? We are.

Now, I’m sure you have your own questions, and I strongly suggest you share them with a licensed professional, but in the meantime, here are mine:

• What?

• Who approved this?

• Wait?

• So is this about ICE or ISIS?

• You can’t “abolish” people?

• Was this scripted or off-the-cuff?

• Which is worse?

• Maybe they just put some buzzwords in a hat and pulled a few out at random?

• Or maybe it was refrigerator magnets?

• I…?

• What is he doing with his hands?

• Why does he look like a preteen fondling boobs for the first time?

• Maybe it’s hypnotism?

• Seriously, who watched this and said, “Looks great, post it”?

• No offense but they should probably be fired? Or at least reassigned?

• Like, this has to have gone through several people?

• Oh my God did he shoot it by himself on a tripod?

• It looks too high-quality for that?

• What?

• What is real?

• Help?

• When will I finally be free of this flesh prison?

• What?

Please contact me if you have any answers.