An important part of self-confidence and self-care is learning to show appreciation for others rather than blaming yourself. Too many people say “sorry” when that’s not what they really mean! As an exercise, next time you want to say “sorry,” try saying something that conveys “thank you” instead. For example:

Instead of: “Sorry for being a bad friend.”

Try saying: “Thank you for always supporting me.”

Instead of: “Sorry for missing my deadline.”

Try saying: “Thank you for understanding that time is a meaningless construct.”

Instead of: “Sorry for spacing out there.”

Try saying: “Thank you for your patience as I contemplate all the other jobs I’d prefer working.”

Instead of: “Sorry for always running late.”

Try saying: “Thank you for not voting Cuomo in 2018.”

Instead of: “Sorry for not realizing that you got a haircut.”

Try saying: “Thank you for realizing I’m a grown-ass adult with real problems and concerns that actually deserve my attention.”

Instead of: “Sorry for ruining Thanksgiving.”

Try saying: “Thank you for providing me with a safe space to give Aunt Rita constructive feedback on her drinking habits.”

Instead of: “Sorry for crashing into your car.”

Try saying: “Thank you for helping me realize the dangers of drowsy driving.”

Instead of: “Sorry for exposing your children to softcore pornography.”

Try saying: “Thank you for letting me choose the channel.”

Instead of: “Sorry for losing all your retirement savings.”

Try saying: “Thank you for investing with Wells Fargo.”

Instead of: “Sorry for ruining Thanksgiving for the second year in a row.”

Try saying: “Thank you for deciding not to invite any of these people to Thanksgiving dinner next year.”

Instead of: “Sorry for taking away your reproductive rights and other fundamental freedoms.”

Try saying: “Thank you for allowing me to represent your district in Washington, D.C.”

Instead of: “Sorry for destroying this once joyful marriage with my years of lying and infidelity. I’ve ruined everything we once had because of my own insecurities, and, while I don’t expect you to take me back, I need you to know that I will always love you. I’ll never forgive myself for ruining this. I’m so sorry. Please know I am so, so sorry.”

Try saying: “Thanks for the memories!”