I want to be clear. I appreciate my fan base for everything they have done for me. Really. I’m not massively well known either so the support has been fucking amazing. But I know that this isn’t good for me.

Amanda Brooke Perrin wrote about how she took a year off from stand-up, and the entire time I read her article I found myself considering, what if? After that weekend, the answer is clear.

I’m done.

I don’t want to leave stand-up as a bitter individual and I really hope that everyone reading this understands why. For the past four years, this has been my life. It’s really the longest relationship I have ever had and because of it I have been blessed with some truly incredible opportunities. I have met so many people who have inspired me and created memories with them that I cherish. I’ve been lucky to call Comedy Monday Night my home these past few years and a place where I always felt the most comfortable. I got to record two albums by the age of twenty-three. I’ve had a wild ride with this unconventional approach and I feel like if there is any advice I can bestow upon my fellow comedians, its to take control of your own career. Don’t wait for the showcases or for someone to hire you, go out and showcase yourself and make your own work! All you need is a microphone and an audience, so bring both and keep your profit!

That being said, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t force myself to do something that brings me no joy anymore because I feel stuck. I don’t want people to perceive me as the person I was on stage. I don’t want the attention that I thought I would like, but didn’t. I don’t want to feel obligated to constantly be engaging in social media. I don’t want my personal life to be an open book for the world to read. I don’t want to belittle my own experiences and make light of things that hurt me. I don’t want to look at every interaction that I have with people through the eyes of potentially writing material about it. I don’t want to feel guilty about choosing friends over a show. I don’t want to use “theatre as therapy” as my university acting teacher would say.

I don’t want to be sad.

I want to act in theatre. I want to make films. I want to write for other people. I want a steady job that allows me to be even remotely creative. I want to wake up in the morning and smile because it’s morning and that's beautiful. I want to volunteer at a homeless shelter and help make people's lives better. I want to have evenings off so I can experience life with those closest to me. I want to fall in love. I want to be me. I want to be happy. I want my life back.

A few weeks ago I started casually seeing someone, and this person really does live their best life. This is someone with an equally rocky past, but the difference is, they have such a positive outlook on life and have used their experience to grow and become more empathetic. Here’s how I know things are rough for me. After this woman opened up to me, my response was, “Wow maybe you are damaged enough to date me.” Who says that? She laughed it off, but I started to think about how that's not who I want to be.

Someone who shares similar life experience came out of it a better person who is able to keep their life private and live for every moment. Every time I would tell her what I thought was a funny story, I realized that those are things that I should be talking to a therapist about. Yet, this beautiful soul listened to me and didn’t judge. She saw through what I was putting up. During my anxiety fuelled rampage I was a complete ass to this girl, and yet she understands me. When I told her I want to just be friends for a while while I deal with this massive life change, she was nothing but supportive and understanding. She wants to be here for me, and she makes me want to be a better person. Maybe something will happen between us down the line, but for now I need to become me again. I need to deal with the fact that I need a change.

So, I’m really actually done. Completely done. I have four gigs booked that I am going to complete, and then I never want to step on stage to tell jokes again. I am excited to be able to really enjoy my life again. I am excited to separate my art from myself. I am excited to see where life takes me and where I will be in a few years. I am excited to be able to work with theatre and film professionals and not be considered “a stand-up who acts.” I’m excited to have the attention from my comedy career die down. I'm excited to build that attention up doing something I really love. I’m excited to delete social media. I’m excited to live.

My name is Spencer Streichert, enjoy the rest of the show.