Even though this week's Bachelor in Paradise has left her "ruined for life," brave — selfless, even — contestant Ashley Iaconetti is here to recap through the pain of it all. Read her recaps from previous weeks here, here, and here, as they lead neatly into this week's lovefests and fights.

I'll be totally honest here: Coming into the show, I didn't want to see JJ in Paradise. Based on what I'd seen during Kaitlyn's season, I thought he was cocky and slimy and just not a good guy. (Most of the other girls felt this way too.) During the first couple of days, I remained skeptical but eventually came to understand — and appreciate! — his sense of humor; I also saw his good heart and protective, warm personality. While, for some reason, none of us developed ~romantic~ feelings for JJ, he became our collective confidant — we played off his reputation from last season and referred to him as our best gay friend.

And then we all cried when JJ decided to send himself home! Talk about going from a villain to a romantic hero-type. Now you may be wondering why JJ decided to give his rose to Ashley S instead of Megan or Juelia. My guess is that he hoped Juelia was about to have a knight in shiny muscle armor come "save" her after she'd made that special request to Chris Harrison — let's be honest, I don't think anyone would have enjoyed a "Lucha Libre" Mexican wrestling date as much as Mikey.

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And though you didn't hear about this on the show, Megan actually also had a recent love interest at home she couldn't stop thinking about. Megan and JJ spoke and agreed that, despite their fun date last week, it was best for them both to try to make it work with their existing baes. Unfortunately, the girl JJ left for has yet to take him back. Funny, because quite a few girls from Paradise have some nagging feelings about not giving him a chance…

On the subject of second chances, let me start out by saying I really tried to avoid staying out of Sam and Joe drama, especially when all the rumors about pre-show communications and do-or-die rose strategies were flying. I didn't know what to believe and a lot of us didn't know the extent of their prior communication — nor, for that matter, the extent of Samantha and new Paradise arrival Nick's. Nick, incidentally, was a bit of an unknown quantity — not many of us knew him or his history with the franchise. Nick is, of course, best known for not sharing his $250,000 winnings with his partner during the third season of pre-Paradise spin-off Bachelor Pad. Once I learned this, it made me a bit dubious of his character. After Sam turned his offer of a date down, he took Ashley S for tipsy massages — and, you know, a crow told Ashley to feel him up. She didn't; I don't think sparks flew, period.

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Meanwhile, my plan for Joe to "start fresh" with Sam went over much better than you saw on TV, I promise. So far we've only seen her blanking him, which was awkward, but I believe you'll see some more positive results next week. Or, you know, there might just be more drama — especially if the dirty text message laundry gets aired, as Joe threatened to do multiple times this week. But when he wasn't caught up "vill-ing," Joe was my comic relief, especially once JJ left, and we'd often commiserate with each other about our respective broken hearts (more on that later, if I can hold myself together). I'd say we were probably the most lovesick people in Paradise so we definitely related on that note, even if he's nowhere near as emotional as I am!

I was naïve to the fact that Sam, my good friend from Chris's season, was being so manipulative. She said she wanted to make a name for herself coming into Paradise , and this is certainly one way to do it. "She's the evil puppet master," Tanner said, adding that she'd stabbed Joe in the back. Joe felt blindsided and hurt this week by Sam's actions — even if turnaround is fair play, it still hurts. The empathetic side of me really wanted to listen to her voice her feelings, but this doesn't mean I wasn't also doubtful, and watching the show now, I can see more clearly how deceitful she was being. I'm a forgiving person and I know she's admitting to her mistakes now — it's hard to see her suffer through the episodes and the accompanying social media backlash. In my opinion, her actions in Paradise were totally out of character. Maybe it's not PR-savvy to give any support to her publicly, but I think she got caught up in the lights and cameras.

Now is Jashley over for real, before we even took a magic carpet ride together? You'll have to keep watching, sorry not sorry. Yes, Jared told me I should try and date other guys in Paradise; yes, that's a weird way to dump someone. And yes, I cried. It's a funny argument on Jared's part, also, because his lingering feelings for Kaitlyn were brought up frequently among the cast. I also often discussed my doubts and concerns about his feelings (or lack of feelings) toward me. By no means did I think we had equal feelings for each other — I often even thought he'd avoid me throughout the day. But then again, kisses as passionate as ours can make you crazy. He's an expert kisser, so much so that, when he was first breaking up with me, my first thought was, How I could even go on without kissing him again?

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However I will tell you that I'm a little disappointed that I'm only shown gushing over Jared's physical appearance. I always said and still say I'm more taken by Jared's internal beauty than his external, and whenever asked what I like about Jared, I always had a long list of character attributes ready to reel off. Yes, then I'd say, oh yeah, he's also gorgeous. But that's all you ever hear. I wanted Jared to know the depth of my feelings, so I express that to him next week. This is not a little physical crush.

A moment for some other folks moving things beyond crush territory: Jade and Tanner! Both admitting to falling for each other, big time, and not just because they'd taken a trip to the town of Tequila and enjoyed its namesake. After all, that would mean they were just falling over each other. And then Carly and Kirk also went fishing together, which works for them.

One last thing: I guess we can drop the H now, because a Bachelor stands alone. The Ben Higgins we saw on Kaitlyn's season defined the perfect man for many of us. Sweet, sensitive, mature beyond his years, 6-foot-4, etc. And I say this from personal experience: When you're talking to him, all of his focus is on you. He cares about every word you say. He's a World Series-ending catch, and the ladies cast on this upcoming season are Kate Middleton-status lucky.

Follow Ashley on Instagram, on Twitter, and via her beauty blog duchesskimberly.com.

Ashley Iaconetti Ashley Iaconetti is our resident Bachelor recapper.

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