Every character in this game is literally god tier lol i've seen an infinite or 100% life combo with each character! pic.twitter.com/1g80MrHVY7 September 7, 2017

RB | Snake Eyez, seen here doing pretend pull-ups:His hat says "esports," but his hands say "Bro, do you even lift?"Dragon EyezAccording to his official Red Bull bio-documentary, Snake Eyez was born into a combination of the Dust Bowl, the Warsaw Ghetto, and season 3 of the Walking Dead, but then, thanks to his freakishly adorable smile and his can-do spirit, he SPDed the entire Street Fighter world and restored order to a broken world. Or something - I dunno. To be honest, I kinda tuned out there after a while.But that's not why you know who he is. You know who he is because of this insanity:Fucking hell. What a massacre. I'm surprised there even IS a NorCal anymore. At the very least, I thought they would've "rebranded" themselves to hide the shame, like when the Charlotte Bobcats gave up on that dumbass name and their ugly orange uniforms and went back to being the (equally mediocre) Hornets. But nope - I guess NorCal content to remain best known as "a pretty good warmup for Snake Eyez."Anyway, here's a fun fact: Snake Eyez is Xian's demon, which you know is true because Xian says that Snake Eyez isn't his demon . Kinda makes you wonder whether Xian is secretly from NorCal.Man, what do you think? Of course he-...huh. Go figure.Get it, you guys? Get it? "Literally god tier"! Because they're literally gods! Guys, do you get it? Guys...?Because he's too goddamn honest. Snake Eyez has a mastery of footsies, an iron will, and a terrifying ability to walk people into the corner, but he's the cleanest player in the history of Street Fighter. He's cleaner than a hypoallergenic teddy bear that just came out of the dryer. He's cleaner than a bar of antibacterial soap that's floating in a tank of bleach. He's so clean that, if he was a doctor, hospitals would let him conduct surgeries without scrubbing in. He's very clean, is what I'm trying to say. And you just can't win a world championship like that.Just look at the past winners of Evo and Capcom Cup: Momochi, Kazunoko, NuckleDu, Tokido, Infiltration, Luffy. Y'know what they all have in common? They're all dirty, shameless, cheap-character-picking, broken-ability-abusing motherfuckers. Luffy doesn't wanna play defense? Just backdash across the whole fucking stage! NuckleDu's having trouble against a tricky opponent? Time to bust out the teabags! But Snake Eyez doesn't do any of that shit, and that's why he won't win. He'll do just enough damage to get everybody excited and he'll probably have one or two solid highlights, but you just can't win Capcom Cup without being at least chaotic neutral, and Snake Eyez is the most lawful-good character in this entire campaign. He needs to be moody and conflicted, like Cloud, but instead he's Aeris, too beautiful and pure to last beyond the first disk. So shed a tear for Snake Eyez, fans. He's the hero we deserve, but he sure ain't the hero we're gonna get.Got arguments to the contrary? Wanna bring up his Evo win (...in a side tournament)? Hit me up in the comments and we'll settle this like handsome, smooth-skinned, better-than-all-of-NorCal-combined men.