Ah, the Heroin Lean. That inexplicable ability for the person across the street that’s clearly hopped up on goofballs to not fall flat on his or her face, just leaaaannning as far as humanly possible – usually with a Big Gulp in their hand – without crashing and burning. It’s society’s greatest, probably also one of the worst, examples of pure Schadenfreude. Yes, it’s not very funny that there are people out there with substance abuse problems and no, we shouldn’t be making fun of them – but holy shit is this stuff funny. And if there’s one thing that Baltimore has a lot of, it’s people on drugs. So commonplace, so normal is it to us denizens of Charm City on a daily basis that people accept it, shoot video of it, post it on Youtube and marvel at the ability of Mr. or Ms. MethMouth to somehow never fall over.

The phenomenon even has its own Tumblr, complete with scorecards and everything, which apparently is receiving submissions from readers – send yours today! The most amusing by far, IMO, being a Heroin Leaner caught by Google Maps, observe:



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Tragilarious. A few summers ago we happened upon this photo taken at South Baltimore’s Idle Hour, featuring two sleepy heads parked out front of the bar essentially blocking anyone from coming in or out. Little did I know until much, much later that the accompanying video, dubbed “Miracle on Fort Avenue,” tells a much more compelling tale of one man’s epic struggle against standing up on a corner, and a stop sign. Observe his journey, but don’t laugh – that would be wrong.

BONUS VIDEO!! Courtesy of @chefchadwells of Alewife notability:

BONUS BONUS FLOWERPOT PIC! Courtesy of @bpal410

TRIPLE BONUS MIDDAY LEAN AND “IT’S HOT” WAVE!