I am continuously shocked at how the concept of breastfeeding is such a controversial topic. So I’m here to help separate the feelings from fact.

I think we can all agree on that episode of Game of Thrones where Robin Arryn is sucking away at Lysa Tully like it’s a water bottle, is pretty freaking out there. It was uncomfortable and the internet pretty much exploded after it happened. My personal feelings was one of disgust, and most people also communicated how they felt it was it gross.

When you get into the territory of “weird feeling” and “boobs” then “child” people stop processing what they’re feeling, and throw it aside because who really wants to wade the thought process about that? I think we can all collectively agree that ten years old is super weird and not necessary. But I don’t want that to be the image you have while I’m advocating for long-term breastfeeding, so here are some beautiful photos to reflect back on, instead.

Alright. Let’s get started.

We have categories and purposes for everything. We do this since birth and we continuously do it as adults to better understand ourselves and environment. Our minds are mathematical in their need for order and processing. Many of it is subconsciously learned which is where we develop many of our prejudices. If we focus on identifying these categories and purposes we find that the breast serves a different purpose in each of these. The common one is:

Age Categories: Baby, Child, Adult

Breast Purposes: Breastfeeding, Sexual

Now I want to take a step back and point out that the public system’s education is broken up into years. I think we can all admit that a child whose 2 years old before August 31st isn’t any more developmentally advanced than a child whose 2 years old by September 4th because of their birthday. I’m not here to argue about that though– I just think it’s really important to point out that the commonly known “time frame” everyone considers in regards to age and development is completely useless. Not to mention the majority of people just group “babies” into this weird undefined category of “uhh helpless humanoid thing” without understanding how fast and complex their development is, especially in the first year of their life.

So let’s take the concept of age categories and redefine them into developmental stages. Dr. Montessori described four planes (or stages) of development, each of which last six years:

Birth to six (infancy)

Six to twelve (childhood)

Twelve to eighteen (adolescence)

Eighteen to twenty-four (transition to adulthood)

Twenty Four + (adulthood)

Birth to age 6 is known as the construction of individuality and the absorbent mind. In the Infancy stage, there are even more stages. This is the main area that we’re focusing on for now. These sub-stages include:

Newborn (0-3 months)

Non-Mobile Infant (3-6 months)

Mobile Infant (6 months to a year)

Toddler (12 months to 3 years old)

Primary Aged (3 years to 6 years old)

Either way–we’re looking at a lot more than just “baby, child, and adult”. The infancy stage alone now constitutes five more developmental stages. So now, taking our new definition of “baby” or “infant”, let’s take a look at those feelings one more time.

FEELING

“They’re probably too old for breastfeeding”

“I feel like once they can ask for it, it’s probably time to stop.”

“Once they can walk up to it and take it, they shouldn’t be doing it.”

FACT

Exclusive breastfeeding should be done until the child is at least six months old. Exclusive breastfeeding means the child isn’t consuming anything other than breastmilk. This age range can change a little bit depending on the child. Once the tongue thrust reflux is lost and they show an interest in food, some pureed items can be introduced.

Note: There is a time sensitivity for the swallowing reflux. For my daughter, it was around 4.5 months. Food was introduced with a few bites here and there throughout the day, not with an actual meal. Teeth are not always an indicator. My daughter had four teeth by 7.5 months and other children don’t even grow teeth until they’re 12 months of age.

In my personal experience, it wasn’t until after six months, that my daughter was fully ready to begin adding solid foods to breastmilk. I do not mean supplementing. Even though she had three teeth at five months, her digestive system was not quite ready for solids. (I define solid foods as something separate than pureed foods. Solid foods are something that are able to be picked up by the child and have non-liquid matter.)

By seven months she was picking up food, bringing it to her mouth, and chewing it with her four teeth. Her main source of nutrition is still coming from breastmilk. Day by day, she shows a little more interest in food and her stomach is able to contain more. This stage is used for trying out new foods, practicing the swallowing mechanism, and learning independence.

They don’t just wake up one day and say “hey I’m a year old now, where’s my cheeseburger?” and eat like a complete adult. Just as the brain must undergo myelination for new skills, the body must develop in order to sustain nutrients from a solid source other than the mother. Can I just point out that no one thinks its weird when the baby or toddler is walking around with a bottle? That there is this super weird concept that we give our infants bottles of cow’s milk. Why is another animal’s breastmilk acceptable but the concept of human breastmilk is just out of this world at three??

It feels weird to see someone we conceive as a little person drinking milk from a breast we’re associating as “too old” for them, because we’ve categorized “baby” with “breastmilk” We seem to forget that infancy itself has three stages, one of them being mobility. For many, that sense of dexterity and mobility seems to correlate with us a greater advancement in age.

I’ll take this moment to point out that many of our children grow differently. At seven and a half months my daughter is able to pull herself up with ease and urinate regularly on the toilet while other infants of the same age are still immobile. Each child is different. And that’s okay.

At eleven months old, I began weaning my daughter from breastmilk during the day in preparation for going to daycare. Her main source of nutrition is now coming from food she is eating throughout the day, and breastfeeding has transitioned from a source of nutrition to a source of comfort. I still nurse at night with her, and I imagine around 1 year or so my milk supply will appropriately adjust and she will be able to nurse at night as long as she likes. I’ll be sure to update this when she self-weans.

Side note, for you Game of Thrones fans, the breast was prosthetic. I looked it up. I had to because I was uncomfortable by the scene and I had to know more. After all, ten is a pretty weird age to be still breastfeeding…particularly on an actress.

FEELING

Well no other animals breastfeed their young that long.

FACT

Well first of all, you’re human. Not a kitten. And when considering the ratio of life span to breastfeeding, you’re coming up the same. We live like a 100 years, cats live maybe 19. The weaning age for kittens is 5 weeks, until they can feed themselves. They can also get pregnant at 1 years old. No one is poking babies with a stick expecting them to roll over and walk just because a giraffe can drop from the vagina and start prancing about twenty minutes later.

Oh, and fun fact, orangoutangs spend SEVEN YEARS breastfeeding their young.

FEELING

It’s some sort of sexual abuse or trauma to feed an older infant or toddler + breastmilk. They’re either going to end up weird like Robin Arryn or get some weird psychosexual issues later on in life. Or god forbids, what if you turn your child into a homosexual. (enter eye-roll emoji WordPress does not support)

FACT

Let’s take a look at the sexual development of children. There is a component of adult projection on all of this so it’s important to break it down to the child’s perception. For more information on Developing Sexual Identity in the 0-3 Year Old, click here.

But I can promise you, all you’ll pretty much find is that under three years of age children pretty much have zero clue to what we consider as “sexual” because they’re still learning to categorize it in it’s simplest form: the anatomical and language component.

Now, between three years old and five years old, that’s when you get into a lot of the sex play we uncomfortably find at times in the classroom: children playing doctor. Parents do tend to freak out about this so I’ll take the time to assure you that not only is it completely normal but it is curiosity based with no erotic or sexualized meanings. You’re not going to get any of that kind of energy or tension until the child is around 5 years old +. And I’m going to leave it at that age because after that we all develop differently. Some children take an interest in sexual curiosity, others, like me, get their period at 13, don’t think anything about it, and only start really asking questions about sex until they’re considering having it, a new sibling is born, or they’re forced to take a sex-ed class. And even then–think back, it is considered as something silly and stupid in middle school. So that three year old that’s breastfeeding? Take deep breaths! It’s totally normal!

Feelings are not fact. One of the only ways that we are going to break down the stigma against breastfeeding is by educating ourselves.

What I can pretty much guarantee, is that under five years old the concepts of sex are not able to be processed in the way that adults do. What I can’t guarantee, is that reading all of this is enough to dissuade you into feeling any different. All I can ask is that you don’t project your feelings onto shaming the mother. I’m not just talking about saying it to her face, but even when individuals make comments on Facebook posts or amongst their friends, you are perpetuating a stigma as fact based off of your own feelings.

Before I was a mother, I shared the same feelings of “well once they can ask for it, they don’t need it.” Now I’m faced with a reality that sign language is a form of communication and I’m teaching my daughter the sign for “nurse” which, while she has not been able to produce herself, she responds to when I make it. Is that not, communication? Does a newborn not root around at the breast clearly using non verbal communication?

I don’t need to waste the time telling you why breastfeeding is important or the benefits of self-weaning. That can be for another day. I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to you, if you’ve sought out this article hoping to understand why or if someone has shared it with you hoping to enlighten you just a little bit more.

We all make choices as mothers. Some choose to formula feed, some choose to breastfeed. A mother should never be shamed for doing what she perceives through her experience and education as what is best for her child. While we all have strong feelings of what is “right” and what is “wrong”, all we can do is offer the information up and try to teach someone something new.

There is feeling, and there is fact. There is opinion, there is science.

I’d like to give a huge shout out to Black Box Imaging for allowing me to publish these gorgeous images. A special thanks to Lisen Cronin who is the model in the article’s featured photo.