My “Totally Butchered Words” posts are some of my post popular. (You can find them here and here and here.) But be forewarned— they are not for the pearl clutchers amongst us! There is bad language, dirty words I previously didn’t know existed and lots of little mouths that should be washed out with soap.

But then, can you really get a mad at a kid for screaming “DUMB FUCK!!!!” when he’s excited to see a dump truck? I don’t think so. You can just smile politely at the gaping strangers and go about your day.

All the butchered words depicted below are actual mispronunciations that were submitted by moms of actual toddlers. As always, the real words are pictured with the mispronunciation written in white.

Not all the butchered words are bad words so let’s ease you into this post with two cute mispronunciations from Harlow. The first is “poop paste” pictured up top and the second is a butchered word I recently discovered while reading Harlow a picture book about animals.

Every time Harlow points to the baboon and screams, “Ba-BOOM! Ba-BOOM!” Mazzy and I both crack up. I refuse to correct her (it’s too damn cute) and will be sad the day she starts to pronounce it right.

And now, the butchered words are about to get exponentially more “colorful” so I’m giving you the option to opt out. I’ll pepper in a few of the more innoncent mispronunciations throughout, just to give you a Bad Language Break. If you have a child who can read, I would bookmark this page and save it for later, after he or she is in bed.

Trust me.

Just know, I didn’t say any of these things. YOUR CHILDREN DID.

And lastly, my favorite…

There you have it. Obviously, many of these mothers should be scared to bring their children out in public.

Especially if they like penis butter spread on their panty cakes.

Who’s got more butchered words? Please post them in the comments for the next one!

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