I don’t know how Barry does it – running sucks. My modus operandi has typically been to only run if I’m being chased (be it by a vengeful meta or Petunia, the neighbor’s daschund), but recent developments in my love life (ahem, lip-locking with a transdimensional babe) inspired me to hit the pavement to get back in shape. With all of our near-misses on the Savitar-and-crazy-gorillas front, it’d been far too easy to drown my sorrows in a triple chocolate shake from Big Belly Burger, which was giving me my own “big belly” to contend with.

So, I donned my spandex, grabbed my iPod, and went for a jog around Central City. At least, that was my intention. After circling the block once, I realized that my cardiovascular endurance had been crippled by my days spent hunched over my computer at STAR Labs. My legs ached, I got a cramp in my big toe, and every time I sucked in air, it felt like I was being stabbed in the chest. I decided to slow down to a mall-walker pace, but just as I was catching my breath, I heard a bone-chilling woof and had just enough time to glance over my shoulder to see a Cujo-sized dog lunging towards me – he must have smelled the beef jerky I had stuffed in my pocket for a mid-run protein boost and he was in hot pursuit.

Now, when a slobbering canine is hurtling at you, your only instinct is to run. So, ignoring the pain in my legs, I launched myself down the sidewalk, but years of soda and fast food meant that I was a far cry from the Flash. I channeled the impeccable madness of The In-Laws and serpentined down the street. But it was to no avail – the dog kept getting closer and closer – I could practically hear his jaws chomping in hunger! I ducked down a side street, hoping to lose him, but found myself facing a dead end. With no dumpsters to climb or fences to hop, I was sure I was toast – until I remembered that while I may not have superspeed, I do have super powers! There was no one around, so I threw my hands in front of me and ripped open a breach – I jumped through just as the dog snapped at my heels and disappeared from the alley. Now, without my goggles, I had no idea where I would end up, but as long as it wasn’t in the jaws of a St. Bernard, I was cool.