Felix Leiter. Probably the closest thing James Bond has to a good friend. It's hard to tell that in the movies, though, since he's been played by a different guy nearly every time he's been on-screen.





(top row) Felix Leiter, Felix Leiter, Felix Leiter, Felix Leiter

(bottom row) Felix Leiter, Felix Leiter, Felix Leiter, Felix Leiter









Despite being a recurring character in the books, Ian Fleming never really gave us much background on Felix prior to assisting Bond while in the employ of the CIA and Pinkerton Detective Agency.





So, that's where Edward F. Koehler, PhD comes in.





I was casually exploring Wikipedia, as I often do, and I ended up on the Felix Leiter page. As a seasoned Wiki editor, my eye caught a bit of something that seemed promotional rather than encyclopedic:





Written with speech-to-text by Gomer Pyle





So, I thought that maybe this was referring to a pair of new Bond books I somehow had not heard of. I consulted Google and found such a book on Amazon.





You must all be curious about the one five-star review that has been left since its publication. Well, here you go:





That name look familiar? Well, it should, because that's the author's name, sans middle initial and PhD. Similar case with the sequel, Felix Leiter, CIA:





I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say it's a coincidence since he doesn't proudly display his middle initial or PhD here. But who is this Edward F. Koehler, PhD? According to the 'About the Author' section on the back covers, he's a retired government worker who likes being on the water, skiing and tennis. Not sure what his PhD is in, but whatever. And that's all I'm going to say about Dr. Koehler himself since I know nothing else about the guy and am far more interested in what he has to say about Felix Leiter.





It should be stated outright that I'm not really sure about the legality of his books. There's nothing mentioned about Felix Leiter being a copyrighted character (surely he is, after appearing in several copyrighted novels, films, comic books, etc. for 60+ years?) or any licensing info on the inside cover where these things usually go. I mean, in his final years, J.D. Salinger successfully stopped fan-fiction of The Catcher in the Rye from commercial release. Did this one fall through the cracks? Or do the current owners of Ian Fleming's works just not care? Because if this is completely legal, I need to find my Snake Plissken fan-fiction I wrote as a teenager.





himself his doppelganger, I have found exactly I do know that Dr. Koehler self-published the books and close to nobody knows they even exist. Aside from the Amazon reviews written byhis doppelganger, I have found exactly one review . Oh yeah, and the now-deleted Wikipedia edit I found? It was added by a Wikipedia user named "Edward F. Koehler Ph D." I don't mean to promote any ill will towards the good doctor, but if he can afford to self-publish a book, I'd think he could pay for some advertising as well. Wikipedia is not a means of promotion. According to the one seemingly legitimate review I found, Dr. Koehler did have a website at some point to promote the books, but Chrome tells me the link is now potentially malicious and the Wayback Machine has nothing on it, so follow that lead at your own risk.





So, let's dig into what you came here for. Am I going to review these books? Yes, at least the first one, which I managed to snag for $2 (thank you, free $5 Kindle credit and $3 gift card balance). I may do the second one eventually, but for now, let's see what Felix Leiter, USMC has to offer us. Let's begin with the blurb:









There are a few typos in there, I think, but I'm not going to be that guy and point them all out. My real comment here is that none of this really screams "Felix Leiter of James Bond fame" but hey, he's doing something different. And the review I found does indicate we'll be meeting James Bond and Eve Moneypenny, as well as Gibbs from NCIS and Steve McGarrett from Hawaii Five-O. No, that last part isn't a joke, that's exactly what the reviewer said:





Dr. No. So, let's get to reading. Below, I've given my impressions as I read through the book along with chapter-by-chapter summaries to give some context. If you really care about spoilers, do not read on. If you want to determine whether you want to actually read it, I'm just as confused as you are but, coincidentally (?), Steve McGarrett was originally played by Jack Lord, who portrayed Felix Leiter in. So, let's get to reading. Below, I've given my impressions as I read through the book along with chapter-by-chapter summaries to give some context. If you really care about spoilers, do not read on. If you want to determine whether you want to actually read it, Google has a free preview of the first three chapters





And, Dr. Koehler, if you're reading this, I'm going to go ahead and let you know I didn't like your book, but I don't wish to dissuade you from writing more. If you enjoy doing it, keep doing it. I'd suggest exploring characters and stories of your own creation. I had fun reviewing your book, regardless of what I think of it.





Impressions Whilst Reading

Chapter 1: The Orders

But if we have to go to war, then lets be the pointy end of the spear. - Felix Leiter

Summary:

2003. At the outset of the Iraq War (y'know, when the U.S. struck back against Iraq, Sandam Husain [sic], and the Imperial Guard, as the author reminds us), our hero Lieutenant Felix Leiter (who looks like a less-handsome Robert Redford) is summoned by Major Cole. The author tells us that Cole's mustache is not as trimmed as William Powell's, yet not as bushy as Tom Selleck's, because we were all wondering. Felix is given the assignment to deliver equipment to some Navy guys. On his way out, he flirts with Cole's secretary, Margie, much in the same way that James Bond traditionally flirts with M's secretary, Miss Moneypenny.



Leiter goes home, showers, goes to a firing range to teach a pistol-shooting class, then goes back home.

Commentary:

Well, well, well. Luckily, I don't think I'll ever confuse his writing with Ian Fleming's. So far, it reads like something I may have written when I was 14. Everything is written very practically, there aren't any big words, there are no creative ways of saying anything, it's all "this happens and this happens and he says this and she says this," except in the form of short, basic sentences. One of the Koehler-penned Amazon reviews praises it as an "easy read." Sure, I agree it's an easy read, but only because there's no substance.





Chapter 2: The Catch

Summary:

Felix fishes and goes back to his cabin, where, much to his surprise, Margie is waiting for him. The author tells us that Felix's fireplace is big enough to fit a woman of Margie's size into it. I hope that isn't foreshadowing. Felix and Margie have sex then Felix talks about his childhood over dinner.





Commentary:

To be completely honest, I skipped pretty much the entire sex scene. It was gross. Maybe titillating to a teenage boy, but not to this 23-year-old boy. In Ian Fleming's Bond books, Bond does sleep with several women throughout, but Fleming never goes much into detail with the act itself. Usually skips over that. Koehler leaves nothing to the imagination. And there's really no lead-up to the scene. Beforehand, they've agreed to go to dinner together (a regular thing, we're told), but she shows up at his cabin before they finalized plans, he gives her a tour, the tour reaches the bedroom, and bingo. And sadly, as sexist as Ian Fleming was, his female characters were all much more developed and believable than poor Margie.





Chapter 3: The Atlantic Flight

Summary:

Felix retrieves his orders and flies out to Germany, where he meets SEAL Team One.

Commentary:

SEAL Team One is where Gibbs from NCIS comes in. One of the SEALs shares his full name. Another is named Willard Whyte, also the name of Jimmy Dean's character in the Bond film Diamonds Are Forever. Not sure if Koehler intended this to be just a nod, but since it's supposed to take place in the Bond universe, maybe he intended it to be the same character, even though Whyte would be one of the last people you'd peg as a Navy SEAL?





Chapter 4: The Mediterranean Flight

Summary:

Felix and the SEALs go over the game plan and, while en route to their destination, get attacked. They parachute from the plane and start heading toward their destination.

Commentary:

In this book so far, Koehler has done a lot of switching between writing in past tense (which most novels use) and simple present tense, which I've usually only seen in scripts. It drives me nuts, but it does look like he's finally decided to stick with simple present, if this chapter is any indication. Not my preference, but hey, at least it's becoming consistent.





Chapter 5: The Hideaway

Summary:

Felix and the SEALs (probably the name of a short-lived band from the '60s) observe a warehouse, where Iraqi soldiers are up to sketchy stuff. Felix decides to leave his cell phone in a truck so that the Navy can track it and so that the Iraqis get telemarketed. Felix gets spotted by the truck's driver, but he quickly manages to merely knock him out by hitting his head against pavement four times. The SEALs become concerned that the driver will somehow wake up and be fully alert, so they shoot him up with drugs that will knock him out for 12 hours and hide him.





They reach Baghdad, where they seek refuge in a building (a floor of which houses Universal Exports, the company the British Secret Service masquerades as in the Bond novels and films) and meet up with another SEAL, Hawaii Five-O's Steve McGarrett. Four Iraqi policemen show up and McGarrett's guide disappears. The SEALs take out two of the policemen and a tall gentleman in a suit takes out the other two, saving his helpless lady companion. Koehler casually introduces the woman as Eve Moneypenny, then eventually tells us what we already know: the man is Agent Jimmy Bond of Combined Intelligence James Bond, "vice president of Universal Exports."

Commentary:

Finally it starts to actually tie into James Bond lore. I'm kind of confused since Felix and Bond clearly meet for the first time here, but in both the Fleming books and the modern films, they first meet in Casino Royale. The classic films place their first meeting in Dr. No. But it's fan-fiction, so I'll ignore that. We do meet the second female character of the book, which happens to be Miss Moneypenny, M's secretary. But apparently, she's Bond's secretary here. And is completely helpless, something completely at odds with the modern-day films' portrayal of her being an MI6 field agent prior to being put to desk work. I'm just hoping the presence of our second female character doesn't lead to another ill-advised sex scene.





Chapter 6: The Drive through Baghdad

Summary:

An extended chase/fight between Felix and some Iraqis.

Commentary:

This was not very exciting. But I'm beginning to think the author really wanted to write a movie instead of a novel. Honestly, it would work better that way.





Chapter 7: The Cable TV News Show

Summary:

An American news crew shows up at the hideaway where the SEALs and Bond killed the four Iraqi policemen. Felix holds them up at gunpoint, demanding their camera equipment because they've stumbled onto top-secret stuff. Felix and the SEALs force them into the Universal Exports office as they try to get to the bottom of things because, as they say, the operation is FUBAR.

Commentary:

The operation isn't the only thing about this book that's FUBAR...





Chapter 8: Nighttime in Baghdad

Summary:

Felix targets some baddies and they get taken out by air support. Then he allows the news crew to do their thing as long as they make no mention of the SEALs being there. The crew describes the scene to the television audience as Leiter and the SEALs finish up their end of the attack.





Commentary:

The last chapter indicated that the randomly-appearing news crew was going to be a pretty big obstacle to the SEALs in this chapter, but apparently not. The book is starting to become a struggle here because it really isn't exciting and there's nothing to pick apart that I haven't already done with a previous chapter.





Chapter 9: The Hunt

Summary:

Felix and the SEALs have new orders to track down a couple of trucks, as they might carry WMDs. Felix warns Bond and Moneypenny about the potential danger of staying, so Bond leaves with Moneypenny to a house he has a mile away. We, the readers, follow Bond and Moneypenny as they leave and send transmissions back to London.





Back in the hideaway, Leiter and the SEALs take the dead policemens' uniforms.





Commentary:

I got really worried when Bond and Moneypenny went into a bedroom. Turns out that's where the transmissions had to be sent from. No awful hanky panky scene here, thank goodness.





Chapter 10: The Trek North at Night

Summary:

Felix and the SEALs head out for their new objective as the news crew are questioned by Iraqi soldiers. At a garage, the SEALs meet an old man named Professor Fossil, who helps them fuel up and get on their way.





Commentary:

Professor Fossil's name is fantastic. Kind of disappointed that he didn't chant "fossil fuel!" when he helped the dudes fuel up.





Chapter 11: The Road to Mosul

Summary:

On the way to Mosul, Felix and the SEALs reach a checkpoint and effortlessly incapacitate all of the Iraqi soldiers in attendance. They are then pursued by an Iraqi vehicle, which they soon disable. Down the road, they reach an oil facility that is partnered with Universal Exports.





Commentary:

The action scenes have no tension whatsoever, especially since we know our heroes are going to make it out a-okay every single time.





Chapter 12: Trans Global

Summary:

Felix's leg, injured in the previous chapter's battle, is determined to have a compound fracture. The SEALs treat it and have a laugh about Felix's driving skills. Reaching a warehouse, the SEALs infiltrate as Felix covers them while awaiting air support.





A Russian plane that has loaded up boxes at the warehouse prepares to leave and Felix kills the pilot and co-pilot, causing Iraqi soldiers to try to find Felix, who manages to take them all out, of course, until a group of them are just two minutes from reaching him.

Commentary:

This would be a lot more exciting if the bad guys actually stood a chance. And I'm confused as to why Russia is suddenly involved.





Chapter 13: Air Support

Summary:

The SEALs show Felix what they found in the warehouse (laptops and Russian shipping manifests) just before a few more baddies show up and - you guessed it - are taken out with ease, although Whyte manages to take a bullet.





More show up and chase our heroes as a good guy plane flies really low, allowing Felix and the SEALs to drive up the ramp and open fire on the Iraqis behind them. They get out of the SUV they drove into the plane and we learn that the baddies have locked onto the plane. However, it turns out, they merely locked onto the SUV, which has fallen out of the plane.

Commentary:

Cool!





Chapter 14: Helicopter Gunships Arrive

Summary:

Turns out, the duffel bag containing the stuff the SEALs found in the warehouse was in the SUV . Gibbs advises they forget about it all, since the weapons they came to dispose of were probably destroyed in the firefight. The boys administer first aid to Whyte.

Commentary:

Not sure if to expect Whyte to live or die. But if I had to bet money, I'd say he lives, since nothing can kill any of these guys. However, I'll probably be wrong about that because nobody has died except a bunch of nameless bad guys! And we also need some emotional weight.





Chapter 15: Inside the US Field Hospital

Summary:

As the chapter's title suggests, we see the inside of a US field hospital. Whyte is in shock once the "cute" redheaded Navy Nurse, Captain Hagan, gets a look at him. She sends him away to get taken care of as she examines Leiter and sends him off to get an x-ray. Then, an enemy combatant being treated at the hospital wakes up and attacks Hagan and manages to overpower her until Gibbs comes in and kills the guy. A doctor comes in and has Hagan come to get an x-ray, as she may have a broken jaw.





Commentary:

When Captain Hagan was first introduced, I thought she was gonna be tough-as-nails. When she was attacked, I thought she was gonna get the upper hand on the guy all on her own, then deliver some cheesy one-liner.





I was sorely disappointed.





Chapter 16: The Flight Back to Germany

Summary:

Two days later, Whyte has survived his initial surgery and all of the wounded from the hospital are en route to Germany. During the flight, Whyte starts losing blood and it turns out that they don't have any of Whyte's rare blood type on board and Felix is a perfect match! So, a transfusion is performed.

Commentary:

Such synergy!





Chapter 17: Recovery in Ramstad, Day One

Summary:

Whyte lives! Gimme my money. We learn that he's actually descended from the Diamonds Are Forever film character Willard Whyte, so offers to set Felix up with thirty days free at any Willard Whyte Hotel because it's the least he can do for Felix saving his life.

Commentary:

That's the least he can do? The least?! Why not a lifetime of free lodging at a Willard Whyte Hotel? A measly thirty days for saving your life?





Chapter 18: Recovery in Ramstad. Day Two: Company

Summary:

Felix tries calling Moneypenny. Then, Steve McGarrett comes in with "Mr. Smith" and "Miss Jones," who offer Felix a position in the CIA because he's very skilled and " won’t crack under pressure ."





Commentary:

I'm guessing "Smith and Jones" is a reference to The Matrix? Whatever. Felix is now in the CIA. That's it, right? Nah, there are two epilogues, because why not?





Epilogue 1: Bethesda Naval Medical Center, Two Weeks Later

Summary:

Margie comes to the hospital to see Felix, but he's not there (even though he's scheduled to be there), so she leaves her VHS tapes of the Hitchcock classics North by Northwest and The Man Who Knew Too Much so other patients can watch them. She also leaves her number so Felix can contact her when he gets to the hospital.





Commentary:

North by Northwest and both versions of The Man Who Knew Too Much were out on DVD by 2003, so we definitely know Margie is a little behind the times.





Epilogue 2: Somewhere in Northern Europe

Summary:

Felix relaxes as he looks through a dossier for his first mission with the CIA, though Miss Jones tells him that he must wait until he is fully recovered, as it's not an urgent assignment. When he asks her real name, she says to call her Catherine Ang. She tells him to work on his background cover because there is no room for mistakes out in the field.





Commentary:

I feel like the author wanted this to end with " Baba O'Riley " but it's a book, so it can't.

Closing Remarks

So I didn't think this book was good. I wish I could say it was better than my least favorite Bond novel, The Spy Who Loved Me, but at least Fleming didn't lose his writing abilities even when he wrote trash.





It's an easy read in terms of the words and grammar used, but it's a difficult read in terms of getting through it. There's no character development whatsoever; we don't even really get into Felix's head at all. The character of Margie seems to exist solely so Felix can have a beautiful woman he sleeps with - she doesn't really do anything else other than get stood up at the end. The plot is unoriginal and uninteresting, and the villains don't really pose much of threat, as our tough American heroes get out of every tight spot like they're slathered with butter. Really, the whole plot boils down to guys bein' dudes . And, disappointingly, this book has no "big bad" behind all of the villains like there is in pretty much every official Bond novel and film.





I want to find something I actually liked about the book. I mean, I can't even say I like the title because Felix Leiter, USMC is a little misleading, as Felix spends most of his time assisting a Navy SEALs operation. What did I like?



Nothing. I like nothing about this book. I'm sorry. Not sure I really want to read Felix Leiter, CIA so in the meantime, I'm going to go back to reading On Her Majesty's Secret Service...



