Please meet Republican State Representative Pat Fallon from Frisco, Texas, which is really just North Dallas. He’s what they call “a real Christian man” around here.

And he went on the radio to prove it. He’s taking this war on Christmas thing real serious. Damn serious. Holy crap on fire serious with — prepare yourself — some issues. He ain’t messin’ around with these agnostics and the separation of church and state people, which in his mind are the same exact thing.What is wrong with America, my friend, is that there is not near enough Christmas and Ole St. Pat is putting on the merry and grabbing up his shotgun and making Christmas happen.

Later in the broadcast, Fallon revealed that he and his wife are going to print up t-shirts that say “Merry Christmas” on the front and “Jesus is the reason for the season” and then hand them out to school children who will be encouraged to wear the shirts to school on the last day before winter break. “And I tell you right now,” Fallon warned, “they’d better not send any of those children home, or there’s going to be some issues.”

Hellfire and brimstone ain’t got nothing on “some issues.” I just learned from experts in the issues department that “some issues” means more than one, you know, like tar and feathers. Not just tar and not just feathers but the two combined like pancakes and syrup. Same deal with “some issues.” I dunno about you, but I’m real dandy scared of “some issues.”

It’s that time of year when compulsory joy is flowing like sludge down the septic tank from Christians making “there’s going to be some issues” threats.They will pressure little baby children into uniforms and force them to fight Pat Fallon’s political battles. You know, like Christians do. After all, Matthew reported that Jesus said, “Suffer the little children to come unto Me and I will put them in some damn tee-shirts advertising My brand and beat the holy shineola outta anybody who says that little children shouldn’t be political pawns.”

Oh, and “Amen.”