Monday

The morning after I arrived in Liverpool for the Labour party conference, I found myself on an early train back to London. The excitement of yet another European Research Group event fronted by Jacob Rees-Mogg and David Davis had proved irresistible. Two weeks previously the ERG had given a presentation to set out its preferred economic model of a no deal/World Trade Organization terms Brexit that would miraculously make the country more than £1tn better off. Now the group had decided they weren’t so keen on that after all and wanted to introduce the world to some new research that favoured a Canada-style trade agreement they had found down the back of the sofa at the Institute of Economic Affairs.

Shanker Singham, the author of the report Plan A+, was introduced as the country’s “leading trade lawyer” and began by recommending the UK break almost every international trading law and treaty before insisting that the complex economic models on which his research had been made could be found in footnote 28 of his report. Except there was no footnote 28. It rapidly went downhill from there, with Rees-Mogg saying there was no need to worry about Northern Ireland as he had dealt with that the previous week in a report that had again been almost universally rubbished, and Davis saying there was still plenty of time because all the real substance of any deal was only discussed in the last 48 seconds of any negotiation. To round it off, the event took place in a library without any books. Just rows and rows of fake covers. Somehow it felt just right.

Tuesday

Though this year’s Labour bash was more fraternal than some in recent years, no party conference is complete without some internecine warfare. In the hall itself, the main battle lines were between the unions and some Momentum supporters over the right to deselect MPs, but by far the best stitch-ups and feuds took place behind closed doors. It has been no secret that Jeremy Corbyn and his deputy, Tom Watson, do not get on that well. The Labour leader reckons Watson is too off message, and does his best to keep him at arm’s length. So much so that Watson wasn’t even given a speaking slot on the stage of the main hall. At a pre-conference meeting, Labour’s national executive committee had come up with a plan to limit Watson’s power by backing a motion for the election of a female co-deputy leader. Doubts began to creep in over the weekend when some on the NEC realised that giving someone like Angela Rayner, who had been one of the favourites, a bigger platform might be more of a threat to Corbyn’s leadership than was comfortable, but what really swung it was when Watson himself backed the election as he found being deputy leader rather lonely. Anything Watson supported had to be a bad idea, so the NEC instructed conference to vote against the plan it had originally backed. If Watson were to run a campaign saying “Please don’t make me leader”, he would probably be in with a chance of the top job.

Wednesday

Rather more harmony could be found at the alternative conference run by Momentum. Now in its third year, The World Transformed has moved on a bit from being a Jeremy Corbyn fan club and become rather more inclusive, even to the point where both those on the right and left of Labour could reach some consensus on the economy in a 90-minute debate. Just as telling is the rise and rise of Ed Miliband. After years in which he was vilified by the right for being a commie and by the left for being a Blairite, the former Labour leader has been adopted as a favourite “centrist dad” mascot and can be more often found at TWT than at the main conference itself. Despite the fact half of Miliband’s questions are truly hopeless – most people lost the will to live during a round where you had to guess whether something was real fake news, fake fake news or real real news – and there were at least two questions to which he didn’t even know the answer, his pub quiz night is always completely packed, with a long line of disappointed people turned away on the door. Having led at the halfway point, our team made up of hacks from the Guardian, the Independent, the Times and Bloomberg slipped into an honourable second place at the end. Probably just as well, as it saved us from being booed for being the biased mainstream media.

Thursday

Finally some good news for Spurs fans about the new stadium; the manager, Mauricio Pochettino, has said he believes the club will move into the new White Hart Lane before Christmas. I would like to believe him. Back in May when Spurs put on sale their season tickets (at vastly increased prices) for the new season, there were no caveats that it might not be ready for the first game. Then, in July, came the first setback. The stadium wasn’t entirely ready, so there would be a delay until 15 September. Since then, the club has failed to meet every deadline it has announced and no official moving-in date has been confirmed. Delays on £850m building projects are hardly uncommon, but you would have thought Spurs could not have only just realised the stadium was running behind schedule a month before it was due to open. The trade magazine Construction News has not exactly been a source of comfort, with stories of the White Hart Lane site being in chaos. Just one example: on two occasions, apparently, cabling has had to be ripped out because no one had bothered to tell the electricians that the air conditioning units had not been fitted.

Given that those who have visited the site reckon it still looks a long way from complete, most fans are resigned to staying at the soul-deadening Wembley for a while yet. As my friend Pete Haine, the secretary of the Tottenham Hotspur supporters’ trust, drily observed: Pochettino didn’t say which Christmas we would be moving in by.

Friday

Like many people, I was left feeling rather underwhelmed by the last episode of the Bodyguard. It was always going to be hard to match the growing tension of the previous five, but it was still a surprise to find myself losing interest. Still, at least we’ve got plenty of other good TV to keep us entertained as we head towards winter. Killing Eve, Black Earth Rising and Vanity Fair are all quality dramas. I must also confess to a strange addiction. Grand Designs is now in its 19th season and even though the format is entirely predictable, I don’t think I have missed an episode since it first began in 1999. It’s comfort viewing. Indeed, I sometimes think the programme may be partly responsible for me never having had any desire to move since we bought our house in Streatham 25 years ago. I’m also surprised Grand Designs can still find anyone wanting to appear on it. If I got a call from Kevin McCloud saying he was keen on my building project, I would immediately rethink the whole thing as it would inevitably take far longer than I had anticipated, run vastly over budget and stretch marital relations to breaking point.

Digested week digested: Labour has a Brexit policy. And another one. And another one.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Meghan: ‘Amazing. Not only can I open a car door, I can also hold a ball.’ Photograph: Eddie Mulholland/Daily Telegraph/PA



