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When you talk with people, do you usually share good news or bad news? The answer to this question could make a big difference in how people perceive you overall.

While we often say “don’t shoot the messenger” when delivering bad news, the truth is that most people have a hard time separating the message vs. the messenger.

In one interesting study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, researchers conducted 11 different experiments (real and imagined) and discovered that most people have a less favorable view of someone when that person presents them with bad news.

For example, in one experiment participants were asked to choose a number with the possible reward of $2 (depending on if the number was odd or even). After choosing the number, a research assistant handed them the result to read out-loud. Participants consistently rated the “innocent messenger” as less likable when they received bad news over good news.

The researchers found this effect was even stronger when the bad news was surprising or unexpected, such as a staff member at an airport informing someone that their flight had been delayed 3 hours.

While our logical brains understand the messenger isn’t responsible for the bad news, our emotional brains can’t help but build the unconscious association between “bad news” and “the messenger.”

Thus, “shooting the messenger” is a fairly typical human response. And this is definitely something to be aware of during our own conversations and human interactions.

What if you made a conscious effort to share more good news with others?

Ultimately, the types of emotions you express most toward others is going to shape how people see you. It’s also going to influence how they feel because emotions are contagious.

If you are someone who is always dwelling on the negative, criticizing, worrying, or nitpicking, people are going to naturally associate you with that negative energy – and they aren’t going to like being around you too much.

But if you are someone who focuses on the positive, encourages, compliments, and inspires, people are going to naturally associate you with that positive energy – and that’s going to make you much more likable and friendly to be around.

Instead of making people want to “shoot the messenger,” transform that into a “bless the messenger” mentality. Share positive news. Share information you think is relevant to their interests. Share funny jokes or memes you think they will get a kick out of.

First and foremost, this mentality will make you a greater source of positivity in the world – which can have a “ripple effect” on your environment and the people around you.

Also people will begin to associate you with more positive feelings and a more positive outlook on life. When they see a text or phone call from you, they will light up in anticipation of what you want to share with them, rather than dreading more bad news or negativity.

This is true for both our real-world interactions as well as our online interactions on social media. What type of content do you usually share on your feeds? Is it more positive/inspiring or negative/critical?



What types of information are you consuming on a daily basis?”

Positive news can be hard to find. Most media focuses on stories that make us negative because those often get the most amount of attention and clicks.

It’s important to be mindful of your “information diet,” especially the emotional content behind it. If you’re sucked in everyday following politics, crime, and tragedy, it’s going to have a spillover effect into the rest of your life.

Not surprisingly, research shows that after being exposed to negative news, people are more likely to report more negative feelings and less positive feelings. Our minds take the shape of what we consume.

I make it a daily habit to consume at least one “positive news” story everyday.

Positive news isn’t hard to find if you know where to look. One place I visit frequently is /r/Uplifting News on reddit. I also use the “Good News” command on my Alexa every morning (there are similar functions for most smart devices and voice commands). You can also check out the Good News Network.

There are plenty of websites out there with motivating and inspiring news stories – consider creating your own positive feed to follow on social media. Then you’ll always have new positive stories to share with others as well!

Even during very difficult times, we can find positive news. One of my favorite quotes is…

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'” Mr. Rogers

And there are A LOT of heroes out there right now if you’re looking in the right places!



What types of information are you broadcasting on a daily basis?”

Once you have a resource of positive news to draw from, you can begin to share it with others.

Keep in mind, this also includes sharing your own positive stories and positive memories with others.

If something good happens to you throughout the day, make it a point to share it with at least one person .

The main goal behind the “bless the messenger” mentality is to try to become a greater source of positivity in the world.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we should avoid talking about “negative topics” altogether. At times, it’s important that we engage in serious, uncomfortable, and even painful conversations. This is a short-term discomfort that is often necessary to address problems, seek solutions, and resolve conflicts in our relationships (and society at large).

I’m definitely not against these difficult and “negative conversations,” especially if we can learn to be honest while not being too negative and we don’t become emotional manipulators.

However, it’s important that in the long-term we aim to be more “positive” than “negative.”

One guideline I follow is the “positivity ratio,” which states that a healthy balance between positivity and negativity is 3:1. That means for every one example of negativity you should aim for three examples of positivity.

Of course, this is just a guideline, but it does highlight the importance of having a healthy mix between both positive and negative emotions, with a healthy bias toward the positive .

The “positivity ratio” can be applied to many different aspects of life. For example, before giving someone criticism about something, identify 3 compliments to point our beforehand. Or on social media, try to make 3 positive posts for every 1 critical post.

You don’t have to treat this as a steadfast rule, but it is an important principle to keep in mind during any type of social interaction.

Ultimately, ask yourself, “Do I usually share more good news or bad news with others?” If you lean more toward the negative side of things, it may be time to re-focus what you tend to share with others. And it could make a big difference in both your mental health and your relationships overall.



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