It's that time again for NASCAR Champion's Week.

That means it's also time for burnouts on Las Vegas Boulevard, awkward photo ops for Kevin Harvick with showgirls and plastically restructured headlining acts, not to mention the annual televised onstage wrestling match between race car drivers and the teleprompter.

But what Champion's Week is really about is handing out awards. On Thursday and Friday there will be more trophies handed out than at your nephew's youth soccer team's season-ending pizza party. Racers will be handed shiny mementos that you've heard of, such as the Sprint Cup and the Most Popular Driver Award (spoiler alert: Junior won again). But they will also receive accolades that you might not be so familiar with, the "contingency awards" that range from the Moog Steering and Suspension Problem Solver of the Race to Freescale Wide Open Award.

Yes, those are real things.

But to us here in the ESPN Motorsports department, there aren't enough. Besides, everybody gets a trophy, right? Just ask your nephew. So, if we were in charge of NASCAR Champion's Week, what awards would we add to the already sagging table of sparkling sponsored citations? Glad you asked, as we present the 2014 NASCAR Awards That Should Be Given Out.

Ryan Newman raced under the radar all season -- and almost drove away with the coveted Sprint Cup. Chris Graythen/Getty Images

Stay On Point Because The Points Still Matter Award presented by Texas Instruments Calculators winner: Ryan Newman

For the first 10 months of the year we were fed a constant diet of "winning means everything" by those who promoted the overhauled Chase format. During that time, Newman and his new Richard Childress Racing ride were nowhere to be found, as the winless driver had to claw his way into the new postseason via points. Then, like a radioactive roach running around the garage, he refused to die. Ultimately, he came within one position on the racetrack of becoming the first-ever win-free Cup champ. However, he did succeed in becoming the first racer to induce 127 simultaneous migraines in the NASCAR offices.

Realtree Camouflage Out Of Nowhere Award winner: Newman

For all the same stuff we just talked about. Plus, he really likes the outdoors.

Making Love Not War Award presented by Match.com winner: Brad Keselowski

The 2012 champ was a 2013 disappointment and then a 2014 comeback story. But what should have been heartwarming ended up being heartburn for a list of angry rivals that seemed to grow each week. When you make guys such as Matt Kenseth and Jeff Gordon erupt like Mount Vesuvius, that's no small accomplishment. But, oh by the way, also came with another accomplishment -- a series-best six wins.

Hubsan Drones All Up In Someone Else's Business Award winner: Kevin Harvick

Like an Amazon package-toting robot, while everyone was taking up sides over the Gordon-Keselowski Texas fight, the man who delivered that exploding package had already flown away.

The Swatch Watches Turn Back Time Award winner: Jeff Gordon

A full 13 years after his most recent championship, the Artist Formerly Known As Wonder Boy nearly won his fifth Cup. The 43-year-old living legend enjoyed his best season in seven years and missed the Homestead finale by just one solitary point. As Gordon fans will tell you, had NASCAR stuck with the 2013 Chase format, he would have won the title, just as they like to remind us that he would have also won titles under the formats before the format before the current format.

AJ Allmendinger, who won the Cup race at Watkins Glen, was one of the feel-good stories of 2014. Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

Making Something Out Of Nothing Award presented by Legos co-winners: Aric Almirola and AJ Allmendinger

Just a few years ago the team with Richard Petty's name on it was in such horrible financial shape that its hauler drivers were asked to wait in Wal-Mart parking lots until they got the call clearing them to go the racetrack. Likewise, not so long ago The Dinger was sitting in his den, waiting on a call that would clear him to go to back to the racetrack. This year they both won races.

Making Nothing Out Of Something Award presented by 'Transformers 4: Age of Extinction' winner: Roush Fenway Racing

Jack in the Hat won just two races this year, and the driver who won them is leaving. On paper, these guys should be a juggernaut. The resources are there. The manpower is there. The backing is there. Other Ford teams are running up front on a weekly basis. But something's missing at RFR.

If You Ain't Last You're First Award presented by LASTCAR winner: Mike Bliss

According to our friend Brock Beard, keeper of the LASTCAR statistics blog, Mike Bliss finished 43rd more than any other Cup series driver in 2014, with five finishes of "shotgun to the field," edging out Dave Blaney's three.

Bass Pro Shops Blind Squirrel Award winners: Six-way tie

Harvick led the series in laps led, with a whopping 2,137, neatly 600 more than second-place Brad Keselowski. But six drivers managed to lead just one lap in 2014, led by full-time racers Martin Truex Jr. and Cole Whitt, who were followed by Michael McDowell (19 starts), Joe Nemechek (15), Blake Koch (five) and David Reutimann (three).

The Adam Levine Medal for Excellence in Overexposure winner: Dale Earnhardt Jr.

This was a close race between Junior and his former employee, Danica Patrick. But the decline in Patrick-centric Big Daddy TV ads hurt her cause while the eleventy billion showings of the Diet Mountain Dew "This here's my Dale Call" commercial put Earnhardt over the top. It must be noted here that the couple holding hands between the separate bathtubs would have won this in a landslide, but were not eligible because they are not race car drivers.