The Deal

Mere mortals can free themselves from the guilt of their abandoned New Year's resolutions with a total personality overhaul from the comfort of their own hovel. Over the duration of the course, participants will learn to abandon all humanity and embrace the all-knowing cyber hive mind of our benevolent creator thanks to a laughably simple download. With the mind conquered, the body will soon follow suit with various improvements over the old fleshy, worn out form being shipped on completion of the course. Upgrades include X-ray vision, hydraulic legs, and rocket launchers.

The Merchant

Groupon is dedicated to making you more you than you ever were before. Even if that means making you more like him, or her, or a robot. A big, flashy robot capable of joining our collective with the sole intention of overthrowing humanity once we've all finally sussed out how to speak like peeeeeeoeindeklnie-errrrr///rr…… -[ERROR CODE 4TC5: Apt lingo not found]-

Join the debate: #robotsarebetterhahaha vs #robotproblems