I proclaim such a teaching that espouses non-contention with anyone in the world. (Words of the Buddha from MN 18.4)

Wildmind.org recently published a relevant and helpful post titled To be less conflicted with others, be less conflicted within yourself. In it, Bodhipaksa says:

“Our ill will toward another person is really an inability to deal with feelings within ourselves that we find uncomfortable. …Until we are able to deal skillfully with our own pain, we’ll continue to have aversion to it, and therefore to others. If, on the other hand, we learn to accept our own uncomfortable feelings, we’ll no longer need to have hatred.”

The full post is here – https://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/to-be-less-conflicted-with-others-be-less-conflicted-within-yourself

This is useful to consider from our own very personal point of view. When we are bothered by something or someone, our first instinct is to either move away from that person or thing, or to strike out in some way. To argue, to fight, to resist, is one basic instinct we are all subject to. But when this inner conflict is present, there is another approach available.

We all experience responses to our environment — people, situations, even the weather. Some of our responses are positive and some negative. These scenarios play out uncontrollably, without any breaks, all day long. What would happen if we accepted our own responses, positive and negative, without giving them purchase? Without reacting immediately with grasping or rejection? What if we could simply know that a response is registering in our bodies and minds and watch it for a time, noticing that it is an energy in motion, and that it will pass if we leave it alone?

It has to be caught in that first moment, before we run away or strike out, before we say something irretrievable. This is the time we should be on high alert for danger, from ourselves more than from others. Our ability to take a deep breath and notice what’s happening in our body and mind is our super-power. This is mindfulness in action, a unique opportunity to investigate ourselves in the act of clinging. Are we strong enough to do nothing, at least for the duration of three breaths? This is how we work with the first noble truth, the truth of dukkha, of things we don’t like. We learn, somehow, to acknowledge and allow dukkha and to know that its release is in our power. The grasping that causes dukkha and the ability to let it go are both within us.

This is our work, and if we take it on, we can remove a massive obstruction to living in mettā; we can live in that state of non-contention and loving-kindness recommended by the Buddha.