I sit on the couch & witness my life



projected on a screen — I am white



w/a chiseled, dimpled chin & no lips.



I’m a farmer who lives alone in a loft



& not a lowly office worker who lives



w/a roommate in an apartment where



dust balls decorate the floors & walls



& the ceiling rings w/children’s feet



running back & forth like baby bulls.



I am crazy enough to be a contestant



on a show where I’m contractually obligated



to propose to a woman who believes



in a heteronormative, patriarchal



idea of what a family should be.



At the end of every episode, I offer



roses to those I wish to make out w/more



& take out on prepackaged romantic dates



I could never afford on my bachelor budget.



For example: a date in a castle, a glass



slipper prop, a clock winding its way



down to midnight. My date & I sip



champagne, chat & eat, then we dance



to a live orchestra led by a maestro



who wishes he were dead. A giant screen appears



& plays a clip of a live-action Cinderella movie



w/Prince Charming played by an actor



I’ve seen slaughter & behead a soldier



like clipping the head off a rose.



In real life, my dates consist of dinner



at Burger King where we dine on chicken



fries & don paper crowns for a royal feel.



On another show date, I take two women into South



Dakota where we fly over the heads of white



slave owners carved into a sacred Native mountain.



At the end of the date, I offer no roses to either



woman & abandon them on a canopied bed



in the middle of the Badlands & take off



in a helicopter to provide the cameras



an aerial view of wilderness & despair.



At the end of the show, I find myself proposing



to a fertility nurse in a barn made to look



like a chapel & not the place where I raised



my first horse, fucked my first goat. Here,



I will milk the cows for our future offspring



to drink straight from the teat like I did as a kid.



The show ends & I rise from the couch



& walk into the kitchen. On bended knee,



I reach for a bottle of beer deep



in the back of the fridge, pop the top



like a question & take a swig, cold



& crisp once it hits my full lips.





