WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

As the coronavirus pandemic grips the nation, the Byron Shire has today revealed that we’ve been focused on the wrong issue the whole time.

With the entire nation surrounding Byron Shire and Waverley Council isolating and doing their best to stop the spread of the deadly COVID-19 virus, Mullumbimby has today decided to completely flaunt all of the restrictions and hold a mass gathering.

The mass gathering took place today, to protest the installation of Telstra’s deadly 5G towers, that pose a far greater threat to society than a highly contagious virus that’s killed nearly 200,000 people in the last few months – according to Mullumbimby.

The local protestors successfully managed to put a halt to the installation of the towers, and potentially undo all of the tireless work down by front line health workers and responsible adults living in the region.

It’s not known why the small Northern Rivers town of Mullumbimby thinks that it’s above the law, but one local named Andrea Vachser explained that she doesn’t regret getting out and flaunting social distancing laws.

“We cannot allow this manipulative and dangerous technology into our shire,” explained Andrea, who thinks Essential Oils and Vitamin C are more effective treating COVID-19 than a vaccine.

“Besides, it’s been proven on YouTube that 5G accentuates the Coronavirus, by lowering peoples immunity to facilitate the spread,” explained the purple-haired protestor as if doing exactly what medical professionals said spreads the virus, doesn’t spread the virus.

“That’s the real danger, not disobeying social distancing rules.”

“Sorry we aren’t a bunch of sheep,” explained the woman who blindly follows whatever random shit see she’s on Facebook and YouTube that supports her strange worldview.

“Wake up!”

“Just like Comrade Dutton did,” explained Andrea, referring to the newly converted leftie Peter Dutton who was also taking part in the protest.