ALPHYS VS. UNDYNE

CHAPTER 1

One otherwise relatively normal day in the Underground, a rather intense rivalry was rapidly beginning to form between the area's cutest lesbian couple; namely, the weeaboo lizard geek known as Alphys and the equally weeaboo fish warrior known as Undyne.

Literally everyone was talking about it, and from the looks of things, it certainly seemed like it wasn't exactly about to die down anytime soon either...much to everyone's dismay.

AT GRILLBY'S BAR IN SNOWDIN...

"So, uh...what exactly is this so-called RIVALRY you speak of, Sans?" Papyrus asked his brother, who was busy chugging down ketchup right out of the bottle while Papyrus drank a nice, cold bottle of soda like any normal person with half a brain would.

"Well, uh...lemme put it to you this way, shall I?" Sans shrugged, setting his bottle down on the bar. "You know how married couples always end up having nasty fights with each other?"

"UGH...yes..." Papyrus sighed, remembering how Asgore and Toriel had literally attempted to burn each other alive with their own fire magic over a petty divorce dispute at one point.

"Well, it's basically that...only even WORSE!" Sans explained, jumping out at Papyrus and making a scary face at him for emphasis.

"WAUGGGH!" Papyrus screamed, lurching back in shock. "Well, if it's really that bad, then I suppose there's really nothing we can do about it, is there?"

"We can always start our own rivalry between ourselves, can't we?" Sans suggested with a smug shrug and a sly wink. "Guess you could say we'll get each other's..."

"SANS..." Papyrus warned him, knowing well in advance how bad of a pun he was about to make.

"Each other's..." Sans snickered, trying not to bust out laughing.

"SANS!" Papyrus sneered at him, already boiling with pent-up rage.

"BONES rattled!" Sans chuckled with a shrug and a wink as always, prompting the local cameraman to zoom in dramatically on him while Grillby played the classic BA-DUM-TSSH sound effect on his drum kit in the background, just for maximum cheesiness effect.

"SANS, YOU SON OF A SNITCH!" Papyrus yelled furiously at him as he tackled him onto the floor, where the two of them engaged in an intense fistfight with each other, filling the entire restaurant with a massive ball of stars and dust and forcing everyone to evacuate as the dust's reaction with Grillby's fire caused the whole place to explode.

"Heh, I guess you could say Grillby went out with a..." Sans snickered.

"DON'T YOU. EVEN. DARE." Papyrus hissed into his ear menacingly.

"BANG." Sans chuckled with yet another shrug and yet ANOTHER wink.

"Sans, for the love of God, are you even TRYING anymore?" Papyrus sighed, facepalming.

"To piss you off? Why, of COURSE!" Sans laughed, patting him on the back.

AT THE BURGER PLACE IN MTT RESORT...

"HOLY SHIT, TAKE COVER, BRO!" Burgerpants screamed as him and his reluctant best friend Nice Cream Guy frantically ducked underneath the cash-register table to avoid the onslaught of food that was now being thrown everywhere thanks to Alphys and Undyne.

"YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FAT, SMELLY, ANIME-WATCHING TUB OF LARD!" Undyne yelled furiously at her girlfriend Alphys, throwing a whole tomato at her...or TRYING to, anyway.

"Say, what's going on up there...(SPLAT!)...damnit, I should have known!" Burgerpants groaned, not even bothering to wipe the slimy, seedy tomato juice off of his face.

"I can help you clean that shit off if you want, you know!" Nice Cream Guy suggested, sticking out his tongue lovingly and cradling Burgerpants in his arms.

"Man, GET the fuck out of my face with that shit!" Burgerpants hissed in disgust, shoving Nice Cream Guy away from him before anything gayer could happen between the two of them.

"Undyne, you eat like a fucking PIG with Down Syndrome!" Alphys yelled at Undyne, hurling a Glamburger at her, which she then ate...and then immediately spat out in disgust.

"Jesus Christ, what in the hell is this frickin' burger MADE out of?" Undyne retched.

"Sequins and glue...JUST LIKE YOUR FUCKING UNREALISTIC, BULLSHIT IDEALS OF HOW WOMEN SHOULD LIVE THEIR LIVES!" Alphys yelled at Undyne, throwing a chair at her.

"Hey, everyone can be a man if they fucking TRY...which is most definitely something YOU oughta try doing sometime!" Undyne yelled back, narrowly lunging out of the way of Alphys' chair and throwing an entire Mettaton-shaped table loaded with food at her in retaliation.

"God damnit, you're driving me fucking BANANAS!" Alphys sneered at Undyne, tackling her face-up onto the floor and jabbing a pair of bananas into her eyes.

"GUYS!" Nice Cream Guy yelled at them, lunging in and breaking the two of them up before they could cause any more damage to the restaurant or to each other.

"Okay, you know what? I'm very sorry about jabbing phallic-shaped fruit into your eyes." Alphys apologized to Undyne, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her back up onto her feet.

"And I'M sorry for stabbing phallic-shaped VEGETABLES into your eyeballs!" Undyne laughed, slapping Alphys on the back so hard that she accidentally spat one of her loose teeth out.

"Aww, I love you so much!" Alphys blushed and giggled, cuddling Undyne's massive legs.

"You too, pumpkin!" Undyne blushed equally, lifting Alphys up and cradling her in her burly, muscular arms with a hug and a kiss...which, of course, caused Alphys to pass out from sheer embarrassment.

"Alphys and Undyne, lying in a bed! F-U-C-K-I-N-G!" Burgerpants rolled on the floor laughing after seeing how ludicrously fast the two of them had gone from literal romantic food-fighting to cuddling each other.

"Oh, gee, look who's TALKING, am I right?" Nice Cream Guy snickered, tightening his signature collar around Burgerpants' neck and pulling on the leash seductively.

"UHH...Alphys? I, uh...I THINK maybe we should go now, if you don't mind!" Undyne stammered, tapping Alphys on the shoulder nervously.

"NEVER..." Alphys gasped in ecstasy, blushing intensely and wagging her tail and drooling at the mouth in arousal as the now-completely-naked Nice Cream Guy proceeded to strip Burgerpants' clothes off and lovingly rape the hell out of him.

"Well, I suppose since you never had a girlfriend, I'M probably the closest thing you'll ever GET to one, dare I say!" Nice Cream Guy laughed with a rather noticeable lisp, girlishly playing with his hair as he thrust his blue-balled weiner right into Burgerpants' tight, smelly asshole, roaring a mighty roar as he filled Burgerpants' butt with his love.

"OHHH, this shit right here is just living proof that opposites attract...I honestly don't think I've ever had a more passionate love/hate relationship with anyone else in my entire life." Burgerpants moaned, panting and drooling with arousal as he lovingly stroked and caressed Nice Cream Guy's nipples and sucked on his firmly erect penis like the gay, throbbing, muscular lollipop it was.

"Oh, MAN...I'm going to straight-up CREAM myself in, like, literally TEN FREAKING SECONDS if you keep THAT up!" Nice Cream Guy moaned in ecstasy while Burgerpants glared at him seductively, sucking and sucking and sucking some more while Nice Cream Guy whipped him with the leash.

"OH, YOU'RE SUCH A LOYAL FRIEND...OH, HOW I WISH I HAD TREATED YOU WITH MORE RESPECT BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL...OH, GOD, I THINK I'M GONNA BLOW...OHHHHHHHHHH!" Nice Cream Guy screamed orgasmically as his dick finally blew its glorious, pint-sized load into Burgerpants' eagerly awaiting mouth.

"So...how does my Nice Cream taste, brother?" Nice Cream Guy purred lovingly as he placed Burgerpants' chubby little cock in between his toes and began stroking it rapidly.

"OHHH...SO GOOOOD..." Burgerpants purred even more lovingly, licking his lips and swallowing every last drop of sperm while Nice Cream Guy gave him the three-toed footjob of a lifetime.

"10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BLASTOFF!" Nice Cream Guy counted down, sliding his beautiful feet up and down Burgerpants' shaft faster and faster and faster until finally...

"SWEET FOOTFUCKING CHRIST!" Burgerpants exploded with pleasure, cumming literally all over Nice Cream Guy's feet and marveling at how disturbingly gorgeous the sight of his gooey, sticky sperm trickling down the man's smooth, shiny soles really was.

"Now go ahead and lick it up like frickin' vanilla ice cream. I don't mind!" Nice Cream Guy laughed, pulling out a yaoi magazine and smugly flipping through the pages in boredom while Burgerpants licked, sucked and massaged his sexy feline feet for the next several minutes.

"That...was easily, without a doubt, THE absolute gayest shit I've ever seen in my whole freaking life! Alphys, did you SEE that shit?!" Undyne retched as Nice Cream Guy and Burgerpants passed out onto the floor with her moist, dripping tongues hanging out of their mouths in exhaustion.

"Um, Alphys? ALPHYS? ALPPPHYYYS?" Undyne called out to her in an attempt to get her attention...only to find out that Alphys herself had also passed out into a cum coma from what she had just witnessed and was now lying on the floor in a massive puddle of her own seminal fluid.

"UGH...looks like I'm gonna have to carry her fat ass home now, aren't I?" Undyne sighed as she reluctantly scooped Alphys up into her arms and set out for Alphys' lab in Hotland.