In ballet, we are faced with choices every day… We have to make artistic choices, technical choices, life choices… And these choices define us as dancers, but more importantly, they define you as an individual. These choices translate into our dancing and give an emotional depth to explore to music. Sometimes, I wonder if I would have been a better dancer back in the day if I experienced more of life…

I have always questioned the ability if a young person can perform a leading role… For example, how can a sixteen-year-old girl perform second act Giselle if she hasn’t lost a major love? The list goes on… but that isn’t why I am writing tonight… though, I probably should…(FYI THIS IS NOT A BALLET POST)

Tonight, I am plagued with this idea of being committed to your work and your craft. It is hard for ballet dancers to date while dancing, the time constraint, the work demand and so forth… To top it off, having kids and starting a family is always an after thought because you are focused on your career…. It is no surprise that most ballet dancers don’t get married and start families until after they become principal dancers… Having a baby while in the corps is almost a death sentence.

I guess the same goes for any career… When I started in fashion, I was so engulfed in the work that every personal relationship I ever had went up in flames, by choice. I chose to work 24/7 and put my career first… Now, as I am transitioning out of fashion, and canceling like 30 magazine subscriptions and clearing my social calendar for ballet performances to review… I am realizing, I am falling into the same pattern…

Somehow, my life has become all consumed with this blog… Maybe it is just a personality trait of a ballet dancer to be obsessive and dedicated… but maybe for me it is time to create a healthier balance… My office cluttered with ballet books with pages full of notes and post-its, old issues of Pointe Magazine, and printouts of current reviews… It isn’t much different from when I worked in fashion… It may have been naive to think that the blog would give me freedom to date, have more time with my friends and family… but I am finding that it doesn’t work that way… Not if you want to be successful…

Sure, we learn early on as a ballet dancer that you have to give up a lot…. sleepovers with your friends on Friday nights because you have company class Saturday mornings… giving up the freedom to eat whatever you want…. Giving up school dancers and for some even prom… You sacrifice your summers to elite programs… You sacrifice your afternoons and evenings to training… A lot of kids give up “regular” school to spend more time in ballet classes, or balance out sleep and dancing… The list goes on and on… and that isn’t even the list of sacrifices parents have to make!

But is it enough?

I set today aside so I can actually take care of my personal life… like pick up the dry cleaning, do laundry, grocery shop, and have dinner with friends… But instead, I spent 3 hours on the phone with the postal service has they have lost packages, or I had to file claims for broken mugs… I spent an hour talking to a client, and after I thought I had completed the project, I am starting all over again… Edgar is freaking out because he has made a couple shipping mistakes, which I know happens… and I can’t be mad at him because he’s helping me out big time! (As an FYI, Edgar comes into the warehouse around 8AM-Noon before he goes to his regular sales rep job in fashion… Not to mention we are about to go on holiday because his birthday is this weekend)

Don’t get me wrong, I love this blog… and I love what I do, and what I am able to do… I just question… if ballet dancers have this obsessive trait, how do we balance real life? Were we born this way, or did ballet condition us to be self-loathing, hoping for a Sleeping Beauty Romance, obsessive compulsive individual … Maybe it is loneliness, or maybe it is the fact that all of my friends are either married with kids or engaged… it could be a plethora of things… But at dinner today, while listening to friends talk about planning their weddings, and yet again I have to be in another wedding… I wondered if it will ever be my turn? Or will I always be married to my work? This post isn’t about me having a pity party, okay, maybe… it is a little bit…

I just wonder about it all… On other notes… Houston Ballet is killing it on Social Media with the gearing up for their last performance… San Fran Ballet just landed in Iceland to start their tour performance. Jeffrey Cirio and Isabella Boylston killed in La Fille Mal Gardée last night at the Met… ABT has been having a rather successful run this season. Boston Ballet is ending their run of Swan Lake with a killer review… Not to mention ENB is gearing up for Swan Lake in the round…

Most of you are graduating, or getting ready to head off to summer programs… Which is super exciting! Don’t forget to check out some of last year’s summer program posts!