I'll spare you the agony of listening to Rush Limbaugh bluster. Short version: Rush says Mark Sanford was driven to have illicit Argentinian sex because of the devastating effects of his state being forced to take stimulus money. "To hell with this," he said, and just lost his good conservative spirit.

Gawd, what other things are Republicans going to be driven to, in their deep depression over having a president who's from a different party and has different priorities? If they were willing to ask for teenager's penis measurements, have diaper sex with hookers and solicit gay airport bathroom sex during the good times, I can't imagine what they'll be driven to do in their current despair. If we pass an energy bill, will John Boehner be found overdosed on crack after an all-night, five-hooker session in a Washington hotel? If America gets real health care reform, will Newt Gingrich then be photographed naked riding a donkey through a Montessori school at recess?

Now that "I've just been so depressed since my state was forced to take federal funding in order to help unemployed people and our school system" is a good excuse for getting kicked out of the house by your wife, swiping a state vehicle, abandoning your job as governor and booking a flight to Argentina for a ten-day bars'n'sex romp, I can't imagine what the hell could be next. Given how much they go on about marrying dogs, ducks and turtles, though, I think the repeal of DOMA could well result in a million-conservative march to the everglades for the world's largest freshwater orgy.