Did you visit Santa this year, hmm? Or write him a fancy old-timey papery letter? Tell ‘im all your wishes ‘n desires? No, of course you didn’t. You’ve been a terrible person all year, and he ain’t bringing you shit. You know it. He knows it. And I know it. But how do I know? Well for one you’re here reading this, and probably instead of working too. That’s proof enough right there. Furthermore, Santa’s been mighty busy this year so he’s had to outsource some of the tasks he normally handles himself and I happened to get in on a bit of the action. Basically, what I’m getting at is I’ve been watching you sleep, which is nothing new, but now it’s for money so that makes it okay.