LOUISE remembers feeling nervous but excited when she walked into a quiet restaurant in Melbourne's eastern suburbs on her first date.

She stopped for a moment to slow her breathing and try to stop her hands from trembling.



It was like being back at high school - I had that same nervous energy, wondering what would happen, excited to see the other person, wondering what we'd say and what might happen later," Louise, 42, says.



"I had my hair and nails done that day and, it sounds tacky, but I'd bought some beautiful new lingerie, too. I took my time getting dressed and hadn't felt as glamorous in ages.



"So when I walked into that restaurant I felt nervous but confident. I felt like the old me and I didn't feel guilty at all."

Louise recognised her date from the photo he'd emailed her a few weeks earlier.

"He was physically attractive, yes, but it was more than that. Since we'd got in touch with each other something had clicked," she says.



After dinner and moving on to a bar, Louise says the couple spent a few hours at an inner-city hotel room.

"My relationship with Frank started with emails and texts and then we chatted on the phone and those phone conversations became longer and more personal. He'd shared what was going on in his life and I'd done the same.

"So although that dinner date was our first meeting, I felt I already knew Frank. I felt comfortable with him before I even saw him."

The hitch is Louise has been married for 13 years. But four months ago she joined Ashley Madison, a global internet dating site specifically created for partnered people who want to have an affair.



She is a smart and savvy businesswoman and she is also one of 15 million men and women in 23 countries who have registered with the website.



Since Ashley Madison launched in Australia in 2010, it has grown to 500,000 Australian members, 40 per cent of them female.

"I started thinking about having an affair a few years ago but this is the first time I've actually been unfaithful," Louise admits.



"I wanted excitement and more affection. My husband is always busy or tired. Time's ticking by and I want something more."

Since that first meeting, Louise has seen Frank once or twice a week. They meet in hotels, go out for lunch or dinner, go to concerts or meet in the countryside.

"I joined Ashley Madison for company, not to find a replacement for my husband," she explains.

"Frank is married and has a family and we're both clear on what we want and don't want. I'm not leaving my husband and he won't leave his wife. We have firm boundaries around that.



"But Frank and I have a connection and when we spend time together, it's good. We both feel happier afterwards.

"I don't know how long it will continue. I don't feel guilty but I have moments when I realise I'm playing with fire.



"If my husband found out, he'd leave me. But for now I'm enjoying the attention and excitement and I'm not prepared to give it up."

About 70 per cent of Ashley Madison members in Australia are under 40.

Kay, 26, from country Victoria, has been married for three years and with her partner for 10. But 18 months ago, she joined Ashley Madison.

"I stumbled across the website," she says. "After our first child was born I found out he'd been cheating. We tried to get through it but I lost that rosy picture of what we had; I lost that happy family image.

"About two years ago I went out with friends, hooked up with a guy at a club and didn't feel guilty about that at all. Not long after that I joined Ashley Madison because knowing I was attractive to someone else gave my confidence such a lift.



"There are a lot of guys in the same situation as me - kids, a loveless marriage and not getting what they want from their partner."

Kay has met three men through Ashley Madison and remains good friends with one.

"We chatted online for a while and met in a pub a few weeks later. I felt excited more than anything else," she recalls.



"We chatted for ages and then went back to his place and had sex. We chat a few times a week and see each other every now and again and sometimes we have sex.



"When I meet a guy we have mutual respect of the other person's relationship though. We don't email each other after five o'clock and we don't text on weekends."

Kay feels safer meeting a potential partner through the website because she knows anyone she meets also has a relationship they want to protect.

"On a singles dating site someone could get too attached and make your life hell," she says.



"My husband doesn't know I've had affairs but he's noticed a difference in me. I stopped trying with the sexy lingerie, cooking nice dinners and waiting up until he got home.



"I told him I was tired of making an effort when he couldn't be bothered.

"He has picked up his game, he's more affectionate, pays more attention to the kids and me and isn't working such long hours. I won't leave my husband because of our children."

Launched in Canada in 2001, Ashley Madison's success builds on a seemingly insatiable demand for extramarital liaisons.



Sexual Health Australia estimates 60 per cent of men and 45 per cent of women report an affair at some point in their marriage and about 70 per cent of marriages experience an affair.

In 2010, there were 121,000 marriages in Australia - the most recorded in a single year, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.



But if infidelity stats are correct more than 84,000 of those marriages will involve an unfaithful partner.

Amanda Biderman is married to Noel Biderman, the creator of Ashley Madison.



The former marketing executive admits she was initially shocked when her husband first discussed the website and illustrated how widespread infidelity is. Amanda, 38, and Noel, 40, have been married for eight years and have two children.

"I'm not a poster child for Ashley Madison and to be honest, I'm not quite in love with the business," Amanda admits. "But Noel is not creating affairs. The people who join already have that mindset.

"I never realised there was this underground world of people wanting to have affairs. Of course I was aware that infidelity happens. I'd been cheated on in a relationship and that deception was something I found difficult to accept."

Amanda says she understands some couples will have affairs to help them cope with an unhappy relationship, to restore their confidence or to restore feelings of attractiveness and being valued.

She says the website has made the couple work hard on their own marriage, something especially important to Amanda after watching her parents go through a divorce when she was 10.

"My parents' divorce made me think about what kind of relationship I wanted one day. I didn't want to emulate what happened to them," she says.

"We have children and it's easy to forget about the relationship that started the whole thing. And when it comes to sex it's so easy to say 'not tonight', but it's important to feel loved intimately."

So how would Amanda feel if she discovered Noel had been unfaithful? "Well, I'd be devastated. But I'd ask why and how," she says.

"A friend of mine was married for four years and on her fourth wedding anniversary she told her husband she was happier that day than she was the day they got married. He looked at her and said he wanted a separation and she never found out why."

Boredom is the "why" for Helen, 51, from Melbourne. Married for 22 years and a mother of two, she joined Ashley Madison two years ago after seeing a TV segment about it and says boredom has led her to have affairs.

"My husband works and I've been left to do everything. My life was working and raising kids. I lost myself," Helen says.



"Since I joined Ashley Madison I've met four guys and seen each of them for some time. It's not all about the sex; sometimes it's just nice to catch up with someone for a glass of wine and a laugh. A couple of guys are in horrible marriages and we counsel each other.

"I met a guy about a year ago and we're still seeing each other. Our marriages are very similar we both have partners who aren't very motivated to make the most of life.



"He and I saw each other for a while and then took a break. But since we've been back together something is different. If he said to me tomorrow 'why don't you move out of your home and move in with me', I probably would.

"But you have to stay level headed. It would be easy to lose sight of who you are, your family and the people who need you."

As with most of the people who register with Ashley Madison, Helen is adamant she's not searching for another husband. She believes many women join because they're bored and want to feel good about themselves again.

"My husband has no idea I'm having an affair. He'd be devastated but I don't feel guilty. I've given him years and I tried and tried let's do this or go here, and he can't be bothered.

"But every now and again I do feel guilty about my children, for doing this behind their back."

Helen's close friends are aware of her affairs and keep her confidences. "A dozen of my friends vicariously live their life through me," she says.

*Names of Louise, Frank, Kay and Helen have been changed.