It’s fairly easy to get your bike stolen and in this article I’ll talk you through some of the best ways of doing so. I know not everyone wants to have their bike stolen, in the same way, so please feel free to choose one of the methods below that most suits you.

Method 1: £45 for a bike lock?

When you are buying a bike ask if you need a bike lock. Of course, the assistant will foolishly say yes – little does he or she know that you want your bike to be stolen. Play along but purchase the cheapest one you can find. I strongly recommend avoiding the Kryptonite New York 3000 as that is likely to majorly hinder theft. Instead, choose something that looks like it could be cut with a pair of children’s safety scissors.

Method 2: One is more than enough

Walking past bike stands you may notice a number of cyclists use two bike locks. Believe it or not, it’s even frequently recommended by police stickers left on bike stands! Fools! Little do they know how much they are inconveniencing thieves and how much they are decreasing the chances that their bike will be stolen. To that end make sure you only ever “secure” your bike with one bike lock.

Method 3: Time to play a game of chance

One of my absolute favourite ways of getting my bike stolen is to leave it somewhere unlocked. Preferably, my back garden. Then a thief is easily able to open the garden gate (of course leave this unlocked) and ride off with the bike. However, don’t restrict your creativity just to the back garden. When you pop in to buy some milk at the corner shop leave your bike outside for a few minutes unlocked – if you are lucky an opportunistic thief will have that.

Method 4: Take cue from the UK’s prime minister

One man who knows exactly how to get his bike stolen is David Cameron. Often known as the UK’s prime minister but less frequently known for his hilarious bike locking antics. To execute this method start by finding a post you can lock your bike to. The post should be have a maximum height of 1.5 to 2 meters. Just enough for a bike thief to be able to easily lift the bike off and ride off with it. Brilliant and hilarious!

Some people have also had success locking their bike to a post with a sign above it. Whilst common sense would say that a thief wouldn’t be able to lift the bike off they have been known to cut the top of the post off.

Method 5: You don’t need to be a Houdini

Someone who wants to get their bike stolen needs to be familiar with how not to lock their bike. Unfortunately, with an abundance of information on “how to lock your bike” this information has sadly often remained hard to find. This forum post provides some inspiration. The best thing to do is to focus on locking just one part of your bike. I highly recommend locking just the front wheel to a bicycle stand.

Of course, some strange people amongst you don’t want to have their bike stolen. In which case you might find these articles of interest:

Image via LFGSS forum.