by smokedout90 » Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:54 am

hello everybody, i would like to start by saying i know there are millions of people in my situaton and way worse situations, i guess im only doing this because it is a lot easier to open up and say everything over the internet.



i first started smoking when i was about 13 im 20 now, everyone around me smoked it at school / in my neighborhood. they all smoked it daily so i started smoking pretty much everyday instantly. when i was young life was great, i had a realy nice girlfreind and loads of friends, i was confident and loved life.



so here i am 7 nearly 8 years later, i smoke all day everyday, i dont have a girlfreind and havent since i was 16. i had a girlfriend from 12 to 16 she left me beause i changed into a total dick obsessed with getting f***ed on drugs. i got kicked out of school a year early with no qualifications and didnt care just got f***ed all he time on weed/ ketamine/ e's and coke, i even tryed crack a few times and herion.



weed definetly was a gateway drug for me, it was how i met people who where into other drugs, my whole network of friends where on drugs of some sort.



i got caught by the police with 65 e's whn i was 16 and got charged with posession with intent to supply class a, luckily i escaped jail because of my age. prior to this indecent i was getting arrested often because of fighting and robbing people. i had pushed my loving family away from me, i didnt care about any1s feelings as long as i was having fun, my mum couldn't ground me i would come and go as i pleased.



after nearly going to jail i new i needed to shape up drastically, moved 250 miles away and went to live with my uncle, my mum and my brothers moved with me. i totaly flipped my life around, started working totaly stopped all drugs accept weed, i was happy i guess. that soon changed i quit my job and all i have done is skateboard and smoke weed for the past few years. i now have my own flat, the goverment pays my rent



i need a smoke when i wake up, i need it all day if not im sreesed as hell.



the scariest thing is now i have the worst anxiety ever i cant go anywhere, i cant look people in the eye i cant speak to girls, i have to push myself just to go to she shop for food, im depresed due to this and cant stop smoking. i have no job im in debt with rent because i spent my money on weed.

i just want to die sometimes i cant live like a normal person, i cant meet new people because im too on edge whenever im around strangers, and girls is a differnet level. dont wanna job because i cant be arsed.



i know what i need to do but just cant, i dont wanna quit but i know it has changed my personality and my life could have been totaly different.





BASICALLY WEED RUINED ME, I COULD HAVE BEEN SOMEONE MY MUM WAS PROUD OF. BUT WILL I EVER SORT MY LIFE OUT? WHO KNOWS



this was written as i smoked a joint, ironic.