Hank Johnson proves right: Without warning, Guam capsizes during beach party

Georgia Representative Hank Johnson’s fear about Guam was fully realized at 2:00 pm local time yesterday, April 2, as it suddenly capsized after a beach party attracted too many residents. The shifting of weight caused the western side of the island to lift and, with the majority of the 178,000 population on the eastern side, caused a flipping over with all residents either thrown into the ocean or drowned under the upside down land mass.

Representative Hank Johnson, Democrat from Georgia’s 4th district, said, “This is exactly what I was worried about. Can you imagine how much more quickly this might have happened if 8,000 Marines and their families were on the island? We would have lost 25,000 American lives in addition to all those Guamanites who drowned.”

Johnson was mocked and condemned for a statement made on March 25, 2010, in which he told a stunned American admiral that Guam might “tip over and capsize” if the Americans were added to the population. “There was no way that Guam would tip from north to south; it’s too long. But, I knew that flipping from side-to-side was a possibility and that’s exactly what happened.”

Dr. Heinrich Stein from the Latin American Seismic Institute noted, “Well, we’ve never seen an island flip over before. Frankly, we didn’t even think that Guam could be a floater until we saw Avatar. The depictions of islands in the air got us to thinking about islands floating in water, but we didn’t get a chance to initiate our studies. Ironically, Guam was going to be where we started.”

Representative Johnson continued, “Unfortunately the video which has been seen by so many people was cut off before I finished my explanation. I warned the admiral that we already had a perfect example with the capsizing of Atlantis. He then seemed to be thinking through the idea more seriously.”

The video of “tip over and capsize” has been viewed hundreds of thousands of time, most often leading to mockery or derision of the congressman. He’s not surprised. “I’m known as a humorous person, so people thought I was just joking around about Guam. The people in my district have heard me yell “Fire” in a crowded theater more than once, then laugh it up with the patrons in the parking lot while the fire trucks were hosing down a perfectly fine building. And what about that traffic video with me streaking through a busy intersection during rush hour? They were chuckling for weeks over that. In fact, many people in Georgia say my entire time in the House has been one long joke!”

“I guess I should have been more clear that I was being serious,” Representative Johnson concluded.

It isn’t immediately certain what will happen to the surviving residents of Guam. Rescuers from the nearby Northern Mariana Islands began loading survivors onto boats within 2 hours. Incredibly Guam’s governor, Felix Perez Camacho, survived and has been safely moved to Song Song on the next closest island. There has already been some speculation that the now inverted island will be re-inhabited at some point, though the name will likely be changed to Maug, which is Guam spelled backward.

Hank Johnson is hopeful. “I’m sure they’ve learned from this event and, if they are able to move back onto the island will be more careful not to have everyone on one side. I also hope that the U. S. military will think twice before sending 25,000 Marines and their families until some island “floaties” can be installed for stability. Things would be safer in the long run.”