Lawrence, KS – Citing a long, stressful weekend, Bridget Harding informed coworkers that she thought it would be best for her productivity if she just eased herself into this year’s workload. According to coworkers, Harding’s weekend included attending a baby shower that only made her more self-conscious about not even being in a committed relationship and catching up on the latest season of Westworld before her HBO subscription ended. Both events have left Harding questioning the meaning of her life, as well as whether her parents will let her use their cable login on her iPad going forward.

Harding has already begun scaling back her workload by removing email from all her devices, showing up to work at 11 a.m., and taking a three hour lunch at noon every day. She remains optimistic that she can keep this pace up for all of 2019, if needed.

“I just don’t want to overexert myself and then burn myself out in the office,” explained Harding after waking up from a nap in her Honda Accord. “The last thing this company needs is for me to push myself too hard in January and have nothing left in the tank when I could simply give fifteen percent for the whole year and really hit the ground running in 2020.

“Also, that fifteen percent is a ballpark estimate, some days may be closer to one percent. Or even no percent.”

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