Lessons of Dhamma are most often given in the experiences of living, rather then from the pages of a book. The Suttas are important however in that they give us the framework in which to recognize and study these experiences in such a way as to allow insight to arise.

It is no easy task to leave an environment where any type of food taste desire is at your finger tips, and enter into a vegetarian environment where most of the food is bland to your spoiled taste buds. On the rare occasion you see something in the lunch spread that causes your mind to think thoughts like “ OMG I HAVE TO HAVE THIS”, it can cause quite the stir to your calm mind, and provide you with valuable lessons.

Recently I was helping to prepare lunch, the usual spread of rice, lentels/beans, veggies, and fruits, when out was brought small croissants. Instantly my mind triggered memories of rich, buttery, flaky croissants I have eaten in the past, the experience being pleasing to the senses, taste, smell, sight, touch, etc.

From this contact with the senses, strong craving and desire arose. I knew I had to have one of those! My mind started to think of scenarios revolving around the acquisition of said croissant. I counted the number available and calculated whether it would be enough for each resident and monastic to have one. Then when we sat down thoughts of greed entered my mind “ those monks better not take them all!”. Finally It was time to get in line for the food and as usual I positioned myself to be one of the last to get food. That itself is a whole other topic, but it’s much nicer to be last, because there’s less worrying over if you are taking too much and deciding what to have. This time however being last was a detriment to my craving mind.

My mind was focused on the bread basket with the Croissants, as they began to dwindle, down to just one more, and there were four people ahead of me. The anticipation, the horror! Feelings of greed entered my mind, regret that I didn’t take one somehow while preparing the food. I just knew I would not get one, my desires would not be fulfilled, and that sadness of not getting what one desired began to creep in..

yet.. wait.. never mind, the cook brought out MORE croissants! Renewed hope arose and further counting and calculating, until the calculating showed that there was only enough for one for each person up to the person in front of me, not for the last person, myself.

Pain, grief, despair! alas my craving taste buds would not get what they wanted, my desire was thwarted! I decided to let go of my desire at that point, accept it and be at peace that I would not be getting a croissant… but wait, no, the visiting couple ahead of me noticed the number disparity, and decided to share one between the two of them. Oh glory day I would have my long desired and anticipated croissant! the radiant gods had decided to shine down upon me that day!

I grabbed my croissant greedily and sat down to eat. The anticipation growing and building at the expectation of biting into that buttery, flaky, crusty, croissant. I decided that I would try to show some sort of restraint and eat it throughout the course of my meal. I took the first bite, expectations rising to the peak. I began to chew and the realization came to me, that with most things, the building up of anticipation and the expectation of acquiring the item or experience is much better then the actual experience you were craving.

The thought that arose in me after my first bite of the croissant was “ eh, it’s ok”. The experience built up in my mind, failed to match the experience as it actually occurred, as it actually was. This did not stop me from making further attempts to find that initial expected orgasmic heavenly bliss with each new bite, but the law of diminishing returns seemed to laugh heartily at me, as each new bite brought less and less pleasure then the meager amount of the first. In one last ditch effort I saved the last bite of the croissant for the final bite of my meal, and was left disappointment in the end.

This has matched my experience with many things in life. I can remember being a late bloomer to girlfriends and sexual experiences. By the time I started to have said experiences I had built them up as such amazingly pleasurable and important experiences to have that those experiences, however amazing and good they were, never matched how I had built them up in my head.

Another example can be in always trying to acquire the latest gadget, the newest version of your favorite phone, we are always striving, craving, desiring, more, bigger, better, but in the end, do these items or experiences really bring us any lasting peace and happiness? its been my experience that the answer is a resounding no.