With both eyes closed and one hand gently caressing the face of Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump leans in for a passionate kiss with the object of his obsessive affections. It’s a hilarious image, right? Two men who imperil the lives of queer people on a daily basis would hate to be seen as gay. It’s their biggest fear, so it’s funny to pretend they are gay to annoy them. Genius. It can’t be homophobic to imply that Putin and Trump are “gay for each other”, we’re told, because the people making the “joke” are woke lefties who simply adore us queers. Heck, they even have some of us round for tapas in the summer. This is an ally action – we’ve got your back, Jack.

Can I just say: if this is how you’re going to go about it, it’s better that you didn’t.

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Whichever way you spin it, the result is the same: homophobia. The “joke” only works if being a member of the queer community is regarded as “inferior” or “less than” – even if that’s supposed to reflect the view of the butt of said joke. If you don’t make that assumption, it’s pretty pointless. Like depicting them as brothers.

Trump and Putin, like so many others, may fear being gay but every time you joke that they are, you reinforce the validity of that fear, not only to them, but to the rest of society. Yes, you say, being gay is something to be ashamed of. If it wasn’t, why would so many use it to make fun of people they hate so much?

Putin is an alleged serial human rights abuser while Trump is an alleged serial sexual abuser who longs to be more like Vlad. It’s not like there is a shortage of vile acts to work with here.

It’s too easy to say, “it’s a just a joke”. In one online debate, I saw a seemingly intelligent person argue that they’d rather worry about people dying than “hurt feelings”, as if homophobia had never killed a single person. What’s even worse is that queer people are saying it’s offensive yet are being told we just don’t get it, as if we’re new to homophobia. Words matter and when you’ve grown up fearing abuse every day of your life, it’s hard to see what there is to chuckle about here. If you haven’t, it can be a struggle to grasp that concept.

As societies around the world roll back queer protections, it is more important than ever to ensure we don’t reinforce the view that homosexuality (or any part of the rainbow) is something shameful. Stop making it acceptable to laugh at queer people, no matter who they are.

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Trump and Putin aren’t damaged by this mockery, but real queer people are. The young queer person sitting at home watching the news, wondering how they are going to tell their religious parents that they are “that way”. The homeless LGBTQ person walking down a street in New York seeing a depiction of Putin or Trump as gay and hating themselves a little more because of it. That’s who you’re hurting, not two world leaders who don’t care what you put on your posters.

Stonewall reports that the percentage of LGBT people experiencing hate crimes because of their sexual orientation rose from 9% in 2013 to 16% in 2017. It believes four out of five attacks go unreported. It’s not just direct abuse that affects the lives of queer people. Casual homophobia in our society means one in 10 have been discriminated against when looking for somewhere to live, one in six when going out for meal or a drink, one in three when trying to worship and one in 10 at a sporting event.

Everywhere queer people go, they face the very real consequences of a society that treats being queer as the punchline to a joke. To you it’s funny. To us it’s our lives.

• Lee Hurley is a transgender writer from Belfast

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