

Help support Density Church's bid to end all homosexuality in sheep. This is a plague of epidemic proportions. Buy a T-Shirt or Bumper Sticker now , and let others know that "Sheep are Sheep" (not Gay). Thousands of Density Church members, clad in black t-shirts, marched on Parliament on Friday to voice their opposition to the "growing numbers of homosexual sheep in New Zealand".



The march was organised after a recent scientific study found that 8% of sheep were homosexual. The study, which discovered a link between homosexual orientation and the volume of oSDN cells in sheep, has outraged members of Density Church, who consider it to be evidence of moral decline amongst sheep communities.



The protestors were joined in their march by a number of sheep "of heterosexual orientation".



Pastor Brian Tamariki of Density Church addressed the anti-gay sheep protestors at the steps of Parliament, and was met with rapturous applause by his congregation.



"It's just not natural," Tamariki claimed in his address. "My grandfather was a farmer in the King Country in the 1950s, and he says there certainly weren't any gay sheep in his day. He told me himself that there was none of that sort of carry on amongst his flocks. So you have to ask why 8% of sheep have suddenly gone gay today."



"To my mind, there is only one reason for this," continued Tamariki. "Sheep are not being as strongly disciplined as in the past. Through lax standards, too many sheep are being given the run of the land, and have fallen into moral degeneracy."



"New Zealand was once famous for its sheep population. But how can Kiwis be proud of nancy-boy rams which would rather commit perverse abnormalities with other rams, than tup a lovely fluffy ewe? For these reasons, we call for Parliament to legislate tougher standards for sheep management, so that this moral degeneracy may be eliminated." The Density crowd were confident that tougher sheep legislation could put an end to this outbreak of ovine homosexuality.



"Yeah, sheep shouldn't be gay. Sheep are sheep," commented one of the marchers, Wiremu Johnson (aged 6).



Onlooker Rob Goddard said he had some sympathy for the stance. "I used to run a sheep farm in the McKenzie country, and it was a real bugger when one of my rams turned out to be gay. I'd pay out good money for the ram to service my ewes, and - blow me down - it would turn out to be a bloody chocolate speedway racer. I've got no idea if this 8% figure is right, but a good proportion of them turned out that way - about 1 in 12, I reckon. So anything Parliament can do to decrease the number of gay sheep would be a big help to farmers."



Prime Minister Helen Clark came down to meet one of the gay sheep brought along by Density Church, and spent some time with the animal in front of photographers, but refused to enter into discussions with the Density Church protestors themselves.



MP David Benson-Pope was more outspoken, dismissing Density Church's stance as "out of touch in today's world".



"Instead of discriminating against sheep who have a homosexual orientation, I urge New Zealanders to show an acceptance of the diversity that Nature has provided us. And I am sure that the vast majority of New Zealanders will get right behind gay sheep, just as they have always got behind sheep throughout the history of our nation."



Despite a small counter-protest from members of the Gay Animal Rights Group of the SPCA, Density Church members were undeterred. With clenched fists raised high, the Density Church protestors chanted their slogan "Sheep are sheep - not gay" and sang songs of praise to Jesus, throughout the afternoon.



"You know, Jesus was the Good Shepherd, and he sure wouldn't have let any of his flock go gay," commented Brian Tamariki. "So if Jesus could have had 100% straight sheep, then so should we. Let's bring this country back to normality. Let's return to the way things were back in the 1950s, when nobody spoke of homosexual sheep, because there were none! Let's remember: sheep are sheep!!" n