San Bernardino, CA – Evan Hughes, manager for local start-up Enseed.you, found himself staring at both his iPhone and MacBook after opening an email from his boss, unsure of which one he should use to reply back. Hughes attempted to clear his head by taking a quick walk around his apartment, but was instead left even more paralyzed after he found his iPad Air in the bathroom.

Hughes, a self-described “Apple addict” obsessed with always acquiring the latest Apple devices, considers his inability to even know which of his many redundant devices to use for basic tasks a badge of honor for being such a dedicated Apple devotee.

“If you’re some dumb shlub with a Dell laptop and a Samsung phone, you’re too stupid to even consider what sort of message using any of these so-called “devices” sends to your coworkers, or more accurately, parole officer,” stated Hughes. “But it can be difficult for the non-Apple Luddite to see the bigger picture when the biggest question he’s ever had to answer is whether to have Wendy’s or Taco Bell cater their wedding reception.”

Hughes paused to respond to the same text message conversation separately from his iPhone, iPad, and MacBook before continuing.

“Before I ever send an email, it’s imperative that I consider my audience so that I can control the messaging from the appropriate device,” Hughes explained while repeatedly waving his iPhone around his face hoping that Face ID would work. “If I send the email from my phone, it lets my coworkers know that I’m savvy enough to respond anywhere, anytime. If I use my MacBook, they know that I’m currently hard at work, utilizing all my quad cores and chips and whatnot.

“And, obviously, if i send a response from my iPad, it demonstrates that i have more disposable income than I know what to do with.”

After weighing his options, Hughes plans on dictating a response from his Apple Watch, which his coworkers will think he sent while out for a jog.

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