It’s almost remarkable how seemingly all of the Chargers major injuries seem to happen to the offensive line, two years in a row now. The Chargers are a confusing mess right now. They show signs of extreme competence yet can’t seem to get it together completely, and the injuries don’t help.

Anyway that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I’m here to talk about Philip Rivers future appearance on Hoarders as a baby collector. He’s got an 8th child coming along right now. 8th Child. Philip Rivers is 33 (about a month away from 34) and will have 8 children. Even for a devout Roman Catholic that seems absurd. Families used to have 8 kids back in the days when you were expected to lose a couple on the way to polio or whatever. 8 Children. I wonder if his wife even remembers what it’s like to not be pregnant.

Rivers has known his wife Tiffany since 7th grade and the two are presumably the same age (couldn’t find the info for sure). They got married while Rivers was a freshman at NC State. By the time he was entering his third year he already had his first kid. His first child was a daughter named Halle, born on July 6th 2002. It got me wondering about weird statistics. Get ready for bad math about inappropriate subjects!

Tiffany is 34 (assuming). She has had 7 kids and is due for another. Assuming each child was 9 months of pregnancy, she has been pregnant for 63 months of her life (excluding current pregnancy). They announced the expected 8th child early August, so add at about 3 months to that total for 66 months. If we consider Tiffany exactly 34 acting like she just turned that age (which is likely wrong) she’s been alive for 408 months. 66 of 408. 16.18% of Tiffany Rivers life (roughly) has been spent pregnant. That’s kind of insane. That number is incrementally going up right now. For even more fun, lets remove all the months when she wasn’t married, since both of them are very devout and waited until marriage to start their baby factory. They got married in May 2001, so from then till today has been basically 173 months. 66 months out of 173 months is a 38% pregnancy rate. She’s been pregnant for 38% of her married life. So over a third of her now 14 year marriage has been spent pregnant. Goddamn.

Mad respect, Tiffany. Every woman I’ve ever known who has been pregnant has horror stories about what it does to their bodies and how it made them feel, and this woman has done it now eight times. I hear every pregnancy is different too, so even though she probably has it down to a science it must still wreak havoc on her somehow.

Knowing how emotional Rivers gets on the field I have to imagine temper tantrums in the Rivers household are a thing to behold.

EDIT: Literally 2 days after this comic goes live Rivers latest kid, a girl named Claire, is officially born. So I guess Tiffany was pretty far along when she announced it back in August. All this does is take the %up a small notch. I eagerly await his ninth child, so that he can field a full baseball team.