welcometobethville:

It’s not often that I get so mad at a thing that I have to go to my Tumblr to talk about it. I tend to keep politics, religion, and anger away from Welcome to Bethville! because it is very sensitive and prone to fits of crying. But over here, on Welcome to Bethville: The Tumblr Edition, we talk about all things. And when I say “we,” I’m referring to me. But saying “we” makes it feel less lonely as I type this on my couch of sadness.

So, here goes.

Whenever I go to the internet and happen across a beautifully written article about weight struggles and eventual fat acceptance and then scroll to the comments to let the “But do you know how unhealthy that is?” assholes fuel my hatefire, I notice one trend that needs to stop immediately. And that trend…….wait for it……just going to take a sip of this coffee real quick to fortify myself……is this:

You see this kind of comment in EVERY SINGLE BODY ACCEPTANCE FORUM. You guys. Thin people who nodded in agreement while reading this Dear Abby letter, I’m talking to you. This has to stop. I know what you’re trying to do, and I get it. You want a toehold in the conversation, something to connect with the author about. Like,”You’ve struggled! I’ve struggled! We’ve both struggled. Isn’t that neat?” And then maybe you’ll walk away friends with a greater understanding of each other’s lives. But I almost think that you are trying so hard to find that toehold that you (Brace yourselves, I’m going all caps now) ARE NOT LISTENING.

Now, as an aside to get it out of the way, I am not saying that thin people don’t struggle. We’re not talking about eating disorders here. I know so many people who have struggled with an eating disorder, and my heart hurts for them. But we’re going to put them aside for now because eating disorders are on an entirely different continent of discussion.

We’ll also, at this time, put aside people who are dealing with health issues that make it hard for them to gain or maintain weight. My ex-boyfriend had the Crohn’s and I once went to a support group meeting with him. The people I met at that meeting, almost all of them bone thin, broke my heart in ways I still do not understand. But we’re not talking about them either.

I’m talking about those thin people who are just genetically thin and have somehow managed to find a way to suffer from that.

Now, teasing is the worst, no matter what the how or why is for it. I’ll give you that. But it is NOT ( and I’m going to type NOT again right here for extra emphasis) hate. And hate is what makes life different for overweight and obese people. Someone saying to you, “You’re so thin! Eat a sandwich!” is not hate. It’s that person being a douchebag. Your feelings might be hurt, and that is totally valid. But at the end of the day, Angelina Jolie is still considered one of the most beautiful people in the world. There aren’t women’s magazines on the shelves that say, “GAIN WEIGHT TODAY” in an attempt to get your money. You can sit your ass in a plane or theater seat without any problem. You don’t have to struggle to find health insurance or pay more when you finally do, despite your fitness level. And a famous person calling another famous person “thin” in an interview with Howard Stern does not turn into a huge news trend with every asshole on Twitter feeling the need to chime in with about ten insulting hashtags. Being called “thin” has never once in the history of time been considered an insult. It’s just a state of being. Give that person who judged you the finger, turn around, and walk away. Society has your back as a thin person.

“But it’s so hard to find clothes in my size sometimes!” I read very often in these “But what about meeeeee?” comments. I’m sorry. I truly am. I completely identify with not being able to find clothes that fit. But there is a difference in your problem and the problems of someone who is overweight or obese. The extra small size not being small enough in the dress you want at H&M is not a struggle. That’s an inconvenience. If you really want that dress, you can buy it and take it to tailor. A woman who needs a size 18 can’t do that. She has to go to a different store, a special store. Or order online. Or learn how to sew. Do you see the difference now?

Here’s an anecdote because I have a million of them. When I was a wee high school pretty, I was a size 16. Like most wee pretties of that age, I wanted to go to prom. My mom said, “I heard about this store that is doing a big dress sale. We should go.” We went. It was a 50-mile drive. Not one…NOT ONE…of the dresses in that store came in my size. We ended up driving another 120 miles to a store that had TWO dresses that came in a 16. IN THE ENTIRE STORE. They had to special order it for me. It was not even remotely the kind of dress I wanted. It was just the one that happened to fit, and I was too embarrassed to complain. The fact that these stores did not even deem me worthy of having a dress, of being a person, is not a simple inconvenience. It’s a fucking suckfest that needed to be doused in gasoline and lit on fire.

“Well, why didn’t you lose weight, 16-year-old, Bethany?” you might be asking yourself.” She tried. And how rude of you to ask. Now, leave her alone and let her feel her feelings.

My dears. My thin, beautiful, sweet, well-meaning friends. I love you. And I want you to know that I really mean that. I spent years and years hating on you. I admit that I used to be one of the “Eat a sandwich” douchebags because I was dealing with my own self-hatred and pain. But if you are truly, truly suffering from people teasing you and not being able to find pants that fit, then open up your own discussion about it. Write an article. Write a blog post. Get some magic markers and make yourself a sandwich board. Stop trying to open up the discussion on fat acceptance and discrimination to include you. It doesn’t, no matter how hard you try. Be kind. Be understanding. And accept that not everything is about you.

With love,

Bethany