Uranus is a small town nestled deep in the state of Louisiana. Ask a local, and they’ll tell you its home to world class jambalaya, and there’s a church on every corner. People are friendly and proud. They’re proud of their history. They’re proud of their freedoms. And that means they’re proud of their guns.

In the wake of the midterm elections a panic seized this town. With the Democrats taking the House of Represesentatives and winning so many state elections, this GOP community is afraid it will lose its God given right to own military grade assault rifles.

And that’s why the town of Uranus is holding its very first meat raffle for the NRA.

The NRA Is In Need

The New York Times reported gun control groups outspent the NRA in the midterm elections:

Two groups that are focused on gun control, Giffords and Everytown for Gun Safety, spent at least $37 million at the state and federal level in the midterms, compared with at least $20 million by the N.R.A. The figures are incomplete, because some of the spending done by such groups is not required to be disclosed, but all sides agreed that the N.R.A. was outspent, stemming a trend of financial dominance for the N.R.A. going back years.

Alarmed the Democrats will soon be coming for Jesus’ boomsticks, Reverend Andrew Canard of Stone Blimp Baptist Church set up The First Annual Freedom Meat Raffle. “When they take my uzi out of my right hand, the left one will be holding a brisket sandwich,” he said.

Why A Meat Raffle?

Outsiders may not know anything about meat raffles. Participants buy a raffle ticket for choice cuts of beef, sausages, and other meaty treats. The winners will take home pounds of American goodness for a fraction of the cost it would’ve spent them in the grocery store.

”Meat raffles made this country, and by God, meat raffles will save it,” Reverend Canard declared.

The proceeds will go to the NRA. As a bonus, thoughts and prayers will also be sent to the organization.

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