So they breezed past the reporters asking whether they had read it. Rob Portman (R-Ohio) said he had been too busy running around. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) said he was left with “more questions than answers."

Ben Sasse (R-Neb.) said they should not begin circling the wagons yet, and a horrible pain erupted on his right temple.

He joined the rush of senators to Lindsey Graham’s (R-S.C.) office, where they clasped their hands and begged, humbly, to be allowed to really see that there was nothing there.

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“I want to see a nothingburger,” Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) said sorrowfully. “I am trying to see a nothingburger. But I cannot help but think that I am a little bit troubled by that transcript. It seems like, well, a somethingburger."

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Graham sighed a sigh of infinite patience.

“You are worth taking time,” he said. “That is why the party is taking time over you. But you are laboring under some expensive delusions that I wish to root out. You still believe it is possible to be troubled by any action the president might take."

“Yes,” Romney said, looking a little puzzled.

“I know I shouldn’t think that,” Sasse started.

“Would you like to be quite happy and content to support the president in all things?"

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“Well,” Romney said, “if I could do so in good conscience.”

Graham emitted another heavy sigh. “Have you considered that the problem after all might not lie with the president, but with you?”

“I had not considered that," Romney said, a little uneasily. “Please, I look at the transcript of the president’s call to the president of Ukraine, and I am, quite frankly, disappointed and put off. It looks like the kind of thing you would not want your president to be doing. I want to see something different. If you would tell me how to see that, it would be a great weight off my mind. I want to see what you see."

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Graham looked on, unruffled. “That is good," he said. “To want that. That is the first step. For all of you. You wish to be like me, and I see no crimes here. There is nothing here to see. Nothing to fear or be uneasy about — except that you have not controlled your mind. Certainly no reason to leap to something as grave as impeachment."

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“Didn’t you impeach President Clinton?" Sasse inquired.

“President Clinton never was elected, because of the emails.”

Romney blinked repeatedly.

“You are thinking of the past,” Graham said. “Do you think the past exists, Senator Romney?”

“Yes?”

Graham sighed. “Think how much happier you would be if you entertained the possibility that, actually, it did not. Think how happy goldfish are. Would you like to be as happy as a goldfish?" He stared at the two of them, not blinking. “I am happy.”

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Graham gestured to Sen. David Perdue (R-Ga.), who was gazing happily at the transcript with an expression of calm. “There’s nothing there," Perdue murmured, confidently. Graham pointed to Mike Pence, who was smiling vaguely at nothing in particular.

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“Would you like to see what Vice President Pence sees when he looks at the president?” Graham asked. “Believe me, it is very beautiful, and nothing at all like what you think you see. Think how happy you would be if President Trump were entirely different, senators.”

“But,” Sasse started.

“Do you think the vice president goes around thinking your Donald Trump is in the White House? Would he look so happy and so eternally unruffled if he thought that? No, of course not. He sees what is truly there: a good, great, brave man who is governing this country better than it has ever been governed.”

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Romney sighed. “I wish to see this. If only it were there."

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“If it were there!” Graham’s laugh echoed. “Did you hear the director of national intelligence testify? These things only need to bother us if we let them. What is simpler: to alter the president’s behavior, or to discipline your mind, so that you are never bothered by anything that takes place? Please; I think you already know the answer."

“What would Senator John McCain have done?”

“Who?” Graham asked, blinking amiably. “You must try harder. There is nothing to see here, if you would only let yourself see nothing. It is not so hard when you put your mind to it. Now sit. It will be painful, but then it will be over, and you will be much happier. You will be able to look at the complaint, and really see nothing. Wouldn’t you like to see nothing?"