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By the time women are paid as much as men, everyone reading this column will be dead or nearly dead. That’s uncomfortable news for anyone who doesn’t like thinking about their own mortality (or their own finances) — so, if it makes you feel any better, everyone writing this column will be dead too. (I like unconventional travel and hate multivitamins, so that one’s certain.)

As for those who can’t do anything with this column other than spill the contents of their sippy cup all over it: also dead or probably close to it.

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tap here to see other videos from our team. Try refreshing your browser, or Why it will take 75 years for women to earn what men do Back to video

Seventy-five years. According to an Oxfam report released Sunday, that’s how long it will take until women in G20 countries can earn, stow away and waste as much as the men who, right now, probably sign their paycheques. In no G20 country does women’s pay reach 80 per cent of men’s.

Before we get into how to save time (and money) — listen. That sound you hear is the sound of conservatives everywhere uttering a secret hope masked as insight: “Progress is slow,” these anti-progressives say, with a smugly wizened intonation peculiar to the type of man who smokes a pipe and has another man shave him with a straight razor.