A man who has been described as “too cheap to pay into clubs” has claimed that after parties are the new parties.

Brian Burrows claims he doesn’t like clubs because they are “too crowded and full of cunts” but insists that his opinion has nothing to do with the cost of admission or the price of drinks.

“I’ve been to clubs like two or three times now so I think I have a pretty good understanding of what they’re like,” explained Burrows (22). “All I seen when I was there was people taking selfies and trying to shuffle. As far as I’m concerned clubs are just a giant collection of cunts, a bit like a cunt circus, only not funny.”

“People are always saying ‘you’re just too cheap to pay in and buy drinks’ but honestly I hadn’t even noticed that it was at least fifteen quid in or a double vodka and redbull cost seven pounds,” continued Burrows, a part time telesales operative. “The fact that I’d have to work about fifteen hours to pay for one night out has nothing to do with it.”

“I just think after parties are way better,” claimed Burrows, who says he prefers beer from a can to beer from a glass. “All the cunts have usually gone home by that stage and you don’t have to worry about security guards kicking you out for taking drugs.”

“I honestly think after parties are the new parties, you might not get the atmosphere or the big name DJ but you can just stick a Boiler Room set on and it’s practically the same thing. I bet in two years time people won’t even bother with the parties any more they’ll just go straight to the after party.”

According to experts, if Mr. Burrows’s predictions are correct after parties could be known as parties by the year 2018, this would result in our current parties switching to pre-parties, leaving our current pre-parties free to replace after parties, in what industry insider are calling a “classic switcheroo”.