Earlier this week, I mailed my parents a letter, finally telling them what quite a few of you already know: I am gay. Rather than going into a long-winded exposition about the who, what, where, and why, I thought just sharing the letter with you was a fine enough post on its own. I’d like to thank everyone who helped me edit it down to what was sent out. I value your feedback tremendously.

You may find it odd to be receiving a letter from me on actual paper with an actual stamp, but I felt it the best way to start a conversation I’ve put off for too long because I’m more comfortable writing. Talking about it in-person isn’t a great option now, and I didn’t want to have to plan a conversation like this over the phone. I also know you’ll read it at home with few distractions, and sending a letter guarantees that quiet setting.

I just thought I should finally tell you I’m gay.

I honestly have no idea whether this will be surprising to you or not, which makes it hard to figure out what else should be in this letter. I guess a perfectly fine place to start is with what I know. Almost without exception, I grew up in a supportive home where I could make decisions about my life rather than having them made for me. You loved me enough to trust me to make the right choice about things.

I did not choose to be gay; that’s not where I was headed with this. I’ve known I was different for the majority of my life, but didn’t really have it all figured out until Middle School. I’m proud to say I suffered no trauma at the realization, had no fear of being kicked out of the house or living a horrible life. But I did recognize that, at some point, I would have to let everyone know. And I resented that. I resented the fact that as free as my upbringing was, there is still an expectation in society as a whole that boys like girls and girls like boys and they will be married together and have children and life will go on. This is changing, almost within my lifetime. But we’re not there yet.

I don’t want you to fear that I’ve missed out on some part of my life by waiting so long to do this; I don’t know that that’s true. I decided that there was no reason to make a big deal about it until I absolutely had to. There were also smaller considerations along the way, like how extended family might feel. I preferred to tell you when I was 100% independent and no longer living at home, which seems to finally be the case. And now that I’m out West, where it’s pretty darn OK to be gay, I might finally like to look around for a boyfriend. So I think now’s the right time to remove the final barrier in our relationship.

I can’t even presume to know what questions you may have because I don’t know how you’ll respond to this at all. I do expect you’ll continue to love me and support me as I begin my new life out here. But you may need time to re-align 26 years of memories with this news, and that’s fine. I’m happy to answer any questions you may have because I don’t really have anything to hide now and I’d rather you be informed by someone other than people you saw on the news.

You don’t need to walk in a parade, wave a flag, or buy bumper stickers. That’s not how I’ve lived my life, so there’s no reason for you to either. But, if you did decide to do something, I would ask you to be the quiet voices of reason in a world that isn’t always so. You are the parents of a gay son. You’ll have many small opportunities to tell people that two men can love each other and get married, that being gay is not a choice, that there are gay people all around us going on about their lives without bothering anyone.

I’m fortunate to be able to tell you that I’m gay and not be terrified that you’ll disown me. There are plenty of places left in this country with children, teens, and even adults, who aren’t as lucky. I’m thankful you allowed me to be the person I am today and that my relationship status essentially was never an issue to you. But now, once there is someone special in my life, I’d like to be able to tell you about him.

I invite your questions, comments, and concerns in whatever form you choose to deliver them. This letter isn’t meant to be the end of the story, but to open up a dialogue that’s been standing by for some time. I’m glad to be in a family where I’m able to start it.

All My Love,

Dominic