Or perhaps more accurately, a government worker who really takes one. On your lawn. Guaranteed delivery by noon tomorrow. Or your money back. And do you need stamps today?

Reader Ken Spicer, who comments as sloopyinca, sends along this Oregon tale that just may redefine "going postal" for the apres-Son of Sam generation:

A mail carrier who was caught using a yard as his personal toilet will not be fired. The incident happened last month at a home in southeast Portland and a neighbor, Don Derfler, captured the man in the act with his camera. Derfler had been waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at his neighbor's house across the street. The postal worker then pulled down his pants and that's when Derfler began snapping pictures. "We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature," Derfler told us when we interviewed him in April. "To come on to our property and to defecate—it's just wrong."

The kicker of the story? The letter carrier was not shitcanned, just transferred to a new and undisclosed route. Whole thing here.

And they call UPS "Big Brown."

Here's a 13 year old take on the post office that is still worth reading in a world so post-postal that even fax machines are dead.

Take it away (all of it!), Newman:

Update: My colleague Matt Welch sends along what is quite possibly the greatest local news segment of all time, from KATU, which is replete with footage, jokes about packages being delivered, and the Kent Brockmanesque anchorman line, "Not exactly the publicity any organization needs…." That anchorman? He gets it.