Knitting for Adults Only

"Naughty Needles: Sexy, Saucy Knits for the Bedroom and Beyond" by Nikol Lohr. Photo courtesy Crown Publishing Group "Naughty Needles: Sexy, Saucy Knits for the Bedroom and Beyond" by Nikol Lohr. Photo courtesy Crown Publishing Group Image 1 of / 3 Caption Close Knitting for Adults Only 1 / 3 Back to Gallery

Much to my surprise, San Francisco's real sexual revolution seems to be happening neither on the streets of the Castro, nor in the sex-positive, women-owned sex shops, nor in Victorian apartments besieged by prolific feminist porn companies. Instead, it is happening in the last place I'd think to go shopping for a whip. At this very moment, the new discourse about reinventing intercourse (and many non-vanilla-flavored activities) is happening at the neighborhood yarn store.

If the idea of yarn craft sounds more like Martha Stewart than Dita Von Teese, then your reaction to the emergent sexy knitting meme is going to be more like mine: a combination of whimsical cynicism at the absurdity of such a concept, and then no small amount of dismay at the sexification of crafts. Felt is so not hot. But yarn? A craft pattern for which you have to show over-18 ID as proof of legal age to knit? It just makes me giggle.

But if San Francisco's Domiknitrix has anything to do with it, my laughter would soon turn to tears should I find myself at the wrong end of Jennifer Stafford's stern knitting needles. No potholder-crafting submissive is she. As evidenced by her new book, "Domiknitrix: Whip Your Knitting Into Shape," wielding wool has many more arousing applications than the schoolmarms at the craft store let on. This sexy take on demanding unexpected pleasures from perfecting a stitch is all about Stafford showing you "the ropes" on making perfect sweaters with uneven stitches. And while not overtly sexual in content, the decidedly adult tone insists that yarn's place is over your lap, ready for discipline -- or even groveling at your feet for a firm hand from a merciless wool disciplinarian.

The Domiknitrix's book might not be as naughty as it implies, but never fear -- "Naughty Needles: Sexy, Saucy Knits for the Bedroom and Beyond" by Nikol Lohr is here. While the back cover commands you to "Knit and Tell," one peek under the covers shows that this book is one part knitting manual of style, and one part sex toy all by itself.

From start to finish, the book is filled with wickedly sexy pinup color photographs of hip-looking girls and guys in various demonstrations of the naughtily knitted product. Two women wrestle in cavegirl bikinis. Pasties are modeled by a sexy lineup of women who could only belong in a San Francisco burlesque troupe. "Kinderwhore" is a knitting pattern for naughty schoolgirl socks shown on two mischievous adult schoolgirls. In one adorable photo, a demure model pouts amid a pile of sex toys and hand-crafted cozies for almost every sex toy that keeps Good Vibrations in business. Lest we forget that the ingredients for marital bliss can include love, a paddle and deft needles, one image shows a babe in latex playing cards on the back of a man made into a human table by way of the knitted blindfold and cuffs she's administered. And one delightful section called "Disobey Madame at Your Peril" shows several whips that can be created in an hour. So basically, if he's an hour late, Lohr has your back.

Still, the concept of applying such a traditional, seemingly diminutive craft to dildo cozies and ball gags made me wonder just what the merit of homemade pasties might be, and also just how much those cute side-lace knickers might chafe me with scratchy wool. I decided to ask cute-as-a-button Lohr a few hard questions about this new pervy knitting phenomena.

Violet Blue: Your new book goes on my porn shelf. Can you explain why knitters are getting all the action these days?

Nikol Lohr: Knitting turns "cute" into "dreamboat sexpot." But knitting is also all about the deft hands. Knitters are sexy the way chefs and mechanics are sexy. You might not notice them on the street, but slice into some luscious yummy or watch someone rebuild a carburetor and, pretty soon, you're fanning yourself.

VB: Ever field-test your sexilicious creations in the name of science?

NL: Yes. With A+ results.

VB: Do you use special yarn, or are scratchy pasties part of the BDSM experience?

NL: Yarns these days are scrumpy -- they're not like the scratchy grandma acrylic or coarse wools you might remember from childhood. I mean, you can still use all that stuff -- there's actually a ball gag in the book designed specifically for granny acrylic -- but you can also get the most lushy-plushy stuff imaginable: buttery alpaca and heavy, dripping silk and glitzy metallics, sequins. They make yarn out of everything! Besides critters like buffalo (cashmere-soft: Who knew?) and possum, they also use soy and wood and corn, for crying out loud! It's nutty! (To my knowledge, there aren't yet any yarns made from nuts. But just wait.)

VB: The way you talk about alpaca makes the Hitachi Magic Wand seem anticlimactic. Where can the knit fetishist find more?

NL:Naughty Needles Knitting (for the book) and The Thrifty Knitter (my knit-craft-pattern blog). Naughty Needles Knitting will have some dandy free bonus patterns that wouldn't fit in the book (bunny suit, pony hood and a somewhat menacing bondage sweater you can knit without the scary hood for a slinky sweater-meat showcase). I'm also Disgruntledhousewife.com, but there's nothing overtly knitty there (plenty of naked ladies, though)!

Violet Blue is a Forbes "Web Celeb", notorious blogger (Laughing Squid), high-profile tech personality and one of Wired's "Faces of Innovation." She writes for outlets ranging from Forbes.com to O, The Oprah Magazine. She is regarded as the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology, a sex-positive pundit in mainstream media ( CNN, The Oprah Winfrey Show) and is interviewed, quoted and featured prominently by major media outlets. Violet has many award-winning, best-selling books, a famous podcast, is fun to follow on Twitter, and is a San Francisco native.

Blue headlines at conferences ranging from ETech, The Forbes Internet Leadership Conference, LeWeb and SXSW: Interactive, to Google Tech Talks at Google, Inc. Her tech site is Techyum; her audio and e-books are at Digita Publications.

For more information and links to Web sites discussed in Open Source Sex, go to Violet Blue's Web site, tinynibbles.com.