In case you’re not aware — either because you’ve never heard this terrible news or because your mind has selectively decided not to acknowledge it — Alison Brie dates James Franco’s brother, Dave. That’s right, Dave Franco — DAVE F*CKING FRANCO — dates UPROXX’s unofficial dreamgirl. So we’re all in agreement that we hate Dave Franco, right? Yes, that’s what I thought. Glad we’re all on the same page.

With that said, I have a feeling that Dave Franco sat around recently and thought, “Hmmm…how can I make UPROXX and their readers hate me even more? Oh, I know, I’ll make a video in which I demand Alison give me a blumpkin, thus reminding UPROXX and their readers that Alison Brie is my girlfriend and she just might be giving me head while I take a dump this very second, because, you know, ALISON BRIE IS MY GIRLFRIEND!”

F*ck you, Dave Franco. Dick. We hate you. We hate you so hard.