TORONTO – After promising to cut the province’s spending by six billion dollars, Doug Ford has finally revealed a surefire way to come up with the money: remove health-insurance coverage from anything related his own family.

“Whether it’s serial drug abuse, rage coronaries, domestic violence, organized crime-related beatings, or Randy mutilating people with his teeth, the Ford family has cost this province a hell of a lot of money down the years,” said one economist. “Treating cases of ‘The Fords’ as a preexisting condition could halve the deficit.”

In fact, this is just the latest ways in which Doug Ford has personally saved taxpayers’ money.

“As a councillor, Ford reduced costs at City Hall by only showing up to 47% of votes,” said one spokesman. “And Ford family homes have reduced wear-and-tear on the electrical grid by heating themselves with low-emission crack.”

“And let’s not forget how much money he’s saved the public library system by never reading a fucking book.”

Doug’s cancelling his own OHIP could be the greatest service a Ford has done Ontario since Doug Ford Senior decided to stop at three sons.