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Dear Coleen

I had a great relationship with my first serious boyfriend and I was totally head over heels in love. He treated me amazingly well – he was attentive, loving and everything I could ask for.

However, after two years together, I started to feel bored and even annoyed by him, and started to feel attracted to another guy. After that attraction didn’t fade, I split up with my boyfriend and it broke his heart. And mine.

But I felt I was making the only decision possible because I wasn’t happy in the relationship at the time. Staying didn’t make sense to me.

Six months later, I am still dating the guy I was attracted to. I like him a lot and he’s wonderful. But I still love my ex, who is heartbroken and hasn’t moved on at all. He told me he still loves me, which made me feel terribly guilty and just awful for him.

I do miss him a lot and I can honestly picture a future with him. Why can’t I let go? Does it mean we are meant to be together if we both feel so strongly about each other six months later?

I don’t want to hurt my current boyfriend, and I am happy when I’m with him. Could I be in love with two people?

Coleen says

I think you have to be careful that guilt or a romantic notion of being reunited with your first love isn’t what’s behind this.

Maybe you’re in love with the idea of love! I think you could be attracted to the excitement – those butterflies in your tummy that you get.

And maybe the thought of going back to him is exciting as well, and it might be at first, but you have to think beyond that.

Can you sustain it? You got bored first time round, so you have to ask yourself why that was and, if you go back, how will it be different.

You have to be sure in your own mind because you might break his heart again. You can’t keep jumping from one to the other.

As for your current boyfriend, if you decide he’s not the one, then although it’s not nice to break someone’s heart, you can’t stay with him for that reason.

Take a bit of time to think about what you really want and keep in mind that those first butterflies of love don’t last when you’re in a proper relationship – it turns into something deeper and even nicer.

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