A Few Dumb Arguments Against Gamers and Video Games (and my rebuttals for them, as homage to the late George Carlin) GethN7 Follow Nov 28, 2017 · 5 min read

Edit: I noticed this briefly went down, apparently because I offended someone even though I mean all this in obvious jest. It was meant to be offensive, I am trying to imitate George Carlin’s style of comedy AS HOMAGE, and I don’t apologize for it.

Because I haven’t written a humor piece in awhile, I feel like going on a George Carlin style rant about some dumbass arguments against video games and gamers because there a few piles of redundant protoplasm who uncritically believe the bullshit I’m about to refute for your amusement.

“Games Need to Be Art”

Oh they do, do they?

Tell you what, thumb to the credits section of a game manual, or watch the credits section for the game.

Look for those parts about the people who worked on the graphics and music.

AKA, the auditory and visual ART in the game.

Until someone can explain me how games still need to be art after seeing that, I’m gonna just sit here and look at them like the deaf, blind stupid people they appear to be.

2. “Games need to have a social message?”

Why?

No, seriously, why?

If this is true, why did Tetris not give me a lecture about Marxism?

Why did I not get informed by Space Invaders about why national defense against foreign aggressors was a good idea?

Why did Custer’s Revenge not include a PSA about why it’s wrong for white men to rape Native Americans?

And don’t give me that wishy washy shit about how modern day games is what you are talking about, because if I want to be preached at, my ass is getting planted on a pew in a church. And if games are bad if they don’t have a social message, why have we not burned the makers of Super Mario Bros. at the stake for not including an admonition that doing shrooms is bad?

Then again, after seeing that shitty movie they made, do we really need a reminder?

3. “Sexualized women in games are bad!”

Fine. Then I’m going to declare sexualized MEN in games are bad because I don’t want to see that shit, it just reduces men to strips of meat to be ogled by a bunch of yaoi fangirls who write bad fanfics when they bone each other when they aren’t bitching that guys or even lesbians wanting to have the same fantasies about female shaped pixels fucking is icky for no other reason than the same arbitrary bullshit I just established that really boils down to:

“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON’T LIKE IT AND DON’T WANT ANYONE TO ENJOY IT!!!!”

Because let’s face it, that’s what this shit boils down to.

And while I’m channeling the late Carlin, I’m going to paraphrase something he said because it’s just as true about these whiny hypocritical puritans:

“Doesn’t it strike anyone as mildly ironic that most of the people who whine about sexualized women are women most people don’t want to fuck in the first place?”

4. GAMERGATE DID (insert here)!

GAMERGATE IS OVER.

Yep, it is, but I still see a bunch of people who still can’t forget an event that they desperately tried to pretend wasn’t real is now real so they have a boogeyman to blame for everything from the common cold to the Wrath of God.

I wish these backpedaling assholes would make up their minds to be honest. These are the same assholes who believed GamerGate was half a dozen neckbeards in their mothers basements and a marauding band of hackers on steroids who could rape people via Twitter at the same time.

Again, going back to the point three, most of the people whining this ephemeral and arbitrary force of basement dwelling neckbeards can rape them with mean tweets is also many of the same people no one wants to fuck.

If you ask me folks, sounds like it more sour grapes concerning point three on one hand, and a bunch of attention whores who were so desperate to deny GamerGate was even a thing until it became convenient to have as a scapegoat.

Again, channeling the late Carlin again, you want to know who these whiny assholes really need to blame for their lives apparently sucking so bad?

I’ll let the late Carlin sum it up for me:

“If you are born on this planet, you are guilty, fuck you, end of report, next fucking case. NEXT FUCKING CASE! Your birth certificate is proof of guilt!”

5. And I saved my favorite one for last……”GAMERS ARE DEAD/DON’T HAVE TO BE YOUR AUDIENCE.”

Carlin once said businessmen and clergymen had good bullshit stories, but I think the BS artists behind the above really outdid themselves with the above.

You know why?

Imagine this, okay? The same people who declared gamers don’t have to be your audience and that gamers were dead then proceeded to call who they wanted to be gamers gamers on one hand and also tried to make being called a gamer carry the same connotation as being a child molesting shit fetishist.

Again, I want to know how they resolve this contradiction. How can gamers be dead and not worthy of being anyone’s audience, but also be evil bastards beyond all redemption and also be whatever group this same group of bullshit artists claimed was whomever they felt should be called gamers?

Unless this means gamers all died and came back as the undead, I don’t get the logic.

And if gamers don’t have to be their audience, why did all the people who believed this work for GAMING rags?

Yet again, Carlin touched on this very topic in his 2004 audiobook “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops” when he mentioned that when one term for a group falls out of favor, they’ll move the goalposts and try to heap shame on the old name at the same time.

I think you can see the logic flaw with that, because if gamers are dead and gamers don’t have to anyone’s audience but if that means gamers should be also regarded as whatever favored group the party who spewed the first two points is while also demonizing the very term “gamer”, then that means that they just called whom they declare to be gamers no better than who they declared were dead and unfit to be anyone’s audience.

Then again, when you consider that the people these inconsistent bullshit artists consider actual gamers are known for laughable UN reports, wasting the time of the FBI, and alleged blowjobs, maybe they are right to consider gamers utter fucking scum who deserve our scorn and eternal shame.