At work, Brad Bowie helped save lives, but eventually he needed some help himself. The weight of the job took a toll on the longtime Peel Regional paramedic, eventually leading to him having suicidal thoughts. Today, on World Suicide Prevention Day, he is telling his story in hopes of leading others to get the help they need.

“I was amazed a mental Illness could cripple you so easily,” Bowie tells CityNews. For more than a decade, he wrestled with depression and anger issues. At times, they were so bad that thoughts of suicide crept into his mind.

“It was hard. It was really hard. Almost debilitating. The anxiety and the depression,” he explains.

Bowie was diagnosed with PTSD a year ago. Bowie says it all stems from a call he and a colleague responded to 15 years ago, to help to a man dying of cancer. He had visited the man’s home before, and seeing the toll it was taking on the man’s family in his final hours made Bowie feel helpless. He says he couldn’t help but put himself into the dying father of three’s shoes, as he spoke to them while taking their dad to the hospital. Being a father himself, Bowie says he couldn’t control his emotions.

“After the call, I went out and bawled, like for half an hour,” he recalled. He called his wife, “Then I buried it and I left it.”

Earlier this year, a study of more than 5,000 Canadian emergency workers published by Canadian Psychology found they have higher rates of suicidal thoughts and attempts than the general public. And of that group, paramedics are affected the most.

In their lifetimes, the study found nearly a third of first responders – 28 per cent — will have suicidal thoughts, while 4.6 per cent will attempt suicide.

After counselling, Bowie is leading the charge at his work and through charities like the Movember Foundation. He’s hoping more people will feel comfortable speaking about their mental health — especially men, whom the Movember Foundation says account for three of four suicides in Canada. More than 3,200 Canadian men die by suicide, nearly nine men a day, making it the second-most common cause of death for men between the ages of 15 and 34.

“I started speaking to friends and family about it and it was much easier,” Bowie said.

The foundation says that starting a conversation with a loved-one could be life-saving. It offers a few steps to guide any talks:

Ask – how they are doing

Listen – to what they say

Encourage Action – explore the options they might have

Check in – keep in touch with where they are at

If you are looking for help you can find contact numbers on the City of Toronto’s website: