It's probably a good thing we've all calmed down about Michael Bay's origin-molesting remake of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, because otherwise this news might have pushed us over the edge for good. You see, not only is Short Circuit going to be remade, but this time it's going to be edgy.

Director Tim Hill has been speaking to the LA Times about his plans for a rebooted Short Circuit. But, instead of addressing some of the bigger concerns about the original – like maybe not having an actor in brownface as one of the leads this time, or perhaps demonstrating a robot has gained consciousness in a way that doesn't involve him looking at some soup or laughing at Jew jokes – he used the interview to reel off a dark list of paranoid military-industrial touchpoints he has in mind for the film.

"We have drones that do our fighting for us, do all these jobs men and women don't want to do. And that's what makes this so interesting – things like this moment in the story when Johnny realises he's going to be disassembled and contemplates death," Hill revealed, before adding that the problem with the original was that, while Number Five "was cute … no one was threatened by it".

Now, several things don't sit particularly well with this. First, you're not remaking The Dark Knight. You're not clawing back a sense of darkness and psychological torment that's been diluted through the years. You're remaking a family film about a wisecracking robot called Johnny who likes the Bee Gees and might be a pervert. Secondly, if this Short Circuit remake really has to be darker in tone than the original, is Tim Hill really the man to do it? Tim Hill, remember, directed Hop. He directed Alvin and the Chipmunks. He directed Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties, for crying out loud. He might prove us wrong, but judging by his past work he's not exactly Ingmar Bergman.

However, let's not get our knickers in a twist. Despite waffling on about how threatening he wants the new Short Circuit to be, Hill is still aware he has to retain some elements of fun. For example, Ally Sheedy's character will now be played by a pre-teen. That way Number Five will presumably be able to share some of his wide-eyed naivete with a like-minded counterpart. See? Relax. For every moment of nightmarish terror the new Short Circuit will have to offer, there'll also be something so insufferably twee it will make you want to pull your own teeth out. It'll all balance.

But there are hints that, during the interview, Hill realises what an almighty internet storm he'll create by tinkering with a cultural touchstone as beloved as Short Circuit, which is why he occasionally lapses into damage limitation mode. Number Five won't be entirely brooding and existential and psychologically damaged, he explains. He'll still be "like an infant struck by lightning". Great. If the thought of the Chipmunks man buggering up Short Circuit wasn't bad enough, we'll all have to deal with the mental image of a baby being electrocuted, too. If Tim Hill's intention was to make sure I'll have to sleep with the light on for the next month, he's doing a great job.