What’s your first car memory?

Being in the back seat of my father’s E21 323i back in 1979 going from Paris to Dover at 125mph. We were late for a hovercraft. Proper car, that.

Who taught you to drive, in what… and did you pass first time?

My mother (an autocross driver) taught me in an Espace, but I failed first time.

Tell us about your best car…

There have been too many, but my 1988 911 Clubsport was my first Porsche, and I probably have the biggest soft spot for it.

Tell us about your worst car…

A 106 XSI that had only done 20k miles when I bought it but felt totally shagged.

What’s your current daily car?

A BMW M3. The new one every road tester hates. They’re wrong, it’s brilliant.

What’s the car you most wish you’d owned?

A Ferrari F40. Because the F40 is the answer to every car question ever asked. In fact, the F40 can solve any problem ever asked.

What was the best drive of your life, and why was it so special?

The first drive on my own after passing my test. Or coming 11th at the N24. Or maybe simply the next drive in my old 2CV when the sun’s out. Because driving is actually about the next journey.

What’s your favourite road?

That’s a secret.

What’s the biggest mistake you’ve made in a car?

She was called Beckie. And ‘big’ is unfair. She was ample-boned.

What’s your favourite sitcom?

Switches between Blackadder, Yes Minister and The Inbetweeners.

Favourite band?

ZZ Top.

If you could buy just one car to last the rest of your life, what would it be?

The 1959 Lister Costin Coupe I drove to second at the Goodwood TT in 2013.

Who’s your all-time favourite Formula One driver?

Senna. But I’m a Lewis groupie and still think Häkkinen was mesmerising.

What car are you most looking forward to driving on TG?

The F12tdf. Or the M2. Or the… oh, all of them.

Who will be quickest around the TopGear track?

Chris Evans. He’s the boss. Always keep the boss happy. Chris will be fastest.

Who would be your dream guest for the next series of TopGear?

Mila Kunis. I gather she has strong views on 991 GT3 RS tyre pressures during track use, and she prefers to express herself while wearing swimwear. Talking to her about this would be most enlightening.

What’s in your rider?

I have no idea what this means.

What motorsport event would you most like to compete in?

Sebring 12hrs and Le Mans 24hrs. And a full season of WRC. Pretty much all racing to be honest.

Front-wheel drive, rear-wheel drive, all-wheel drive?

Rear-wheel drive – or correct-wheel drive, as it should be known.

What else do you have a licence for?

Racing, rallying, competing at the Nürburgring, riding a motorcycle and exterminating berks who drive through 30mph villages at 40mph. The last one may be in my mind.

What’s your biggest fear/phobia?

Crabs. As in crustacea. Stop laughing. Imagine creating a creature with a hard shell and then deciding to make hairs sprout from it. Ewwwww.

What’s the fastest you’ve ever gone in a car and when?

Um, 227mph in a Veyron near Karlsruhe. When I took the car back to Bugatti next morning they’d been tracking me real-time – “So you went quite fast last night?” “Errrr…”

F1, NASCAR or WRC?

WRC. Because rallying will always be the ultimate test of car control.

Who in history would you most like to have been driven by?

Walter Röhrl in a Sport Quattro. Because he’s the man. And I did it a few years ago. It was stunning. One of my children has Walter as a middle name. I’m that much of a groupie.

You have to drive from NYC to LA, you have four seats, who’s in the car with you, what’s on the iPod and what’s in the emergency snack cubby?

I’d be in a Ferrari FF with Neil Carey, the man who’s made me look half-decent on film; Henry Blofeld for random cricket banter; the comedian Louis CK, because he’s a genius. Orange Tic Tacs and good old English barley sugars would fuel the laughter.