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Local billboard advertising logistics manager, David Rockwell (28) says he knows it shouldn’t be that hard, but he’s pretty proud of himself for successfully completing Dry July without crumbling once.

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After staying up all night watching the Aussie cricket team collapse, then slightly regather under Smudge, David says he couldn’t think of a better time to get reacquainted with the amber ale.

“Siddle and Smudge went ballistic” says David, as he arrives at his desk this morning with a jug of heavy mass-produced beer that he had picked up from the early-opener pokies pub downstairs.

It is not yet known if the ICC scheduled this year’s Ashes to start the day after most borderline-problem-drinkers were officially allowed back on the booze – but David says he’s loving it.

“Haha. Stop being so sensitive” David says to his overly dramatic boss, who makes it clear that he doesn’t think a 9:34am schooner is in anyway okay.

“I just finished Dry July for Christ’s sake”

“You try doing it!”

However, as the morning wears one, David’s productivity appears to increase slightly and his superiors leave him and his growing stack of empty schooners alone.

Little do they know that David is actually just streaming cricket podcasts and writing belligerent rants about the return of Steve Smith in online reddit forums.

Smith took the side back to his pre-sandpaper form, as Stuart Broad caused the collapses of 3-33 and 5-23 in Birmingham.

England reached 0-10 at stumps, surviving two overs after Smith’s sensational nudge of 144.

At time of press, David was thinking about moving onto the rums over lunch.