The TV Contract

Day 1

You are approached on the street by a salesman carrying a stack of contracts.

Salesman: Hey, want to buy a television? Only $50.

You: Wow, a TV for $50. Sounds like a good deal, and I do need a television.

S:

Great, just sign here.

He holds out a contract.

Y:

Before I sign, maybe I should consider my other options.

S:

There are no other options. Our company is the only company in town offering televisions, and we only have one kind.

Y:

Really? I wonder why no one else is selling them.

S:

Oh, we couldn't allow that. If anyone else tries to sell televisions, we send people over to forcibly close them down.

Y:

Oh my. Why do you do that?

S:

Well, we can't have the chaos of multiple different people selling different kinds of TV's, now, can we? What if their televisions weren't as good as ours? We want people to have only the best televisions.

Y:

I see. So your televisions are pretty good, then?

S:

The best in town.

Y:

What kind of warranty do you offer on them?

S:

No warranty.

Y:

But what if I'm not happy with my television after I get it home?

S:

You could write to the company president, or the board of directors.

Y:

And then they'd refund my money?

S:

No.

Y:

What if the TV was defective?

S:

No refunds under any circumstances.

Y:

But at least you'd replace it, right?

S:

Sure, we'd think about it.

Y:

Think about it?

S:

We can't make any guarantees. It wouldn't be practical, with the huge number of customers we have, to try to satisfy every one. But rest assured, you could send as many letters to our president as you wish.

Y:

Hm. Well, when could you have the TV delivered?

S:

We'll deliver the televisions next Tuesday.

Y:

Televisions? I only want one.

S:

Right, but you see, we provide televisions to the whole town.

Y:

That's very nice. But I wanted to know about my particular television. Will it be delivered on Tuesday?

S:

Uh, we can't guarantee a television for you specifically. What we're promising is to try to provide televisions for the community in general.(1) So, we hope, a lot of people will get them. You'll probably be among them.

Y:

And if I don't get one?

S:

Then you can write to the President.

Y:

Right. And then I'll get my money back.

S:

I'm sorry, I thought I explained this. No refunds under any circumstances. But there's really not much to worry about. Most of our customers receive the product in some form.

Y:

Look, I'm just not convinced that writing to the company president is going to be good enough. What if he doesn't fix the problem?

S:

Oh yes, we wouldn't expect you to just trust entirely in our president. If there are any disputes with the company arising from this contract, you may request to have them resolved by the DRD.

Y:

The DRD?

S:

Yes, our Dispute Resolution Department. It's a special branch of our company devoted to resolving disputes. If you have any complaints with the company, the DRD will decide who's right.

Y:

This deal isn't sounding so good. About the only good part of it is that the price is right.

S:

Yes, it's quite a good price. Considering that the majority of paying customers receive the product, it's worth it. Look at the contract. You'll see that any rational person would sign it.

He pushes the contract at you again. You start reading.

Y:

What's this about the price?

S:

What?

Y:

Here, in the fine print. It says the company reserves the right to change the price.

S:

Yes, of course. After all, the company's financial needs may change. If that happens, we may need to bill you an additional amount of money.

Y:

An additional amount? How much??

S:

Well, however much we need. Don't worry, we do it all for the good of our customers. You know, to ensure that they get the best televisions.

Y:

Are there any other surprises I should know about?

S:

That's hard to say.

Y:

What do you mean, 'that's hard to say'?

S:

Well, circumstances change. We may need to change what we expect of you in various ways after you've signed, in order to best serve you. For instance, we might need you to work for the company on occasion. Sometimes we have jobs that we can't get enough employees to do voluntarily, because they are too dangerous, because the pay is too low, or whatever. In that case, we just make some of our customers do them. We may also wish to make additional rules governing your behavior, in exchange for regular servicing of your wonderful new television.

Y:

Wait a minute, you force your customers to do dangerous jobs for you?

S:

Oh, I'm not saying that will happen. We only impose demands on our customers that seem necessary at the time.

Y:

So you're saying, if I sign this contract, then you can demand anything of me that seems necessary to you?

The salesman rushes to reassure you.

S:

Oh no, no. What do you think we are, tyrants? Heheh, of course not. We've written up a list of things that the company pledges not to demand of you.

He shows you an appendix on the last page of the contract.

Y:

Hm, it says here that the company promises not to “unreasonably” send agents into my house at night. Who decides what counts as reasonable?

S:

Well, normally the president, in consultation with the board of directors, decides what's reasonable.

Y:

So if they decide that it's reasonable to invade my home because they don't like the way I look . . . ?

S:

Oh, don't worry about that. I assure you, we have plenty of safeguards built in. Our DRD would be able to review any such decision, if they wanted to.

Y:

You're asking me to put a lot of faith in this Dispute Resolution Department of yours. How do I know they'll be fair to me, and not just rule in favor of the company's interests? Where do the DRD members come from, anyway?

S:

They're appointed by the president, in consultation with the board of directors. So you see, everything's taken care of.

Y:

How do you figure?

S:

Well, the company president wouldn't appoint someone who wasn't fairminded, would he? And even if he did, the board of directors could block the appointment, if they wanted to. So you see, there's no way anything could go wrong.

Y:

Uh, sure. Listen, I'll get back to you.

S:

No problem. Once you've thought about it, I know you'll agree. If you're rational.

You go home, planning to forget about this strange salesman.

Day 2

The next morning, you find the salesman standing on the sidewalk outside your house, as you go out to pick up the newspaper.

S:

Hi! I just wanted to remind you of our contract, and to collect the first payment from you.

Y:

What contract? What payment?—Hey, did you follow me home??

S:

You know, the contract we talked about yesterday.

Y:

Right, I remember your contract. Listen, I don't think I can agree to that.

S:

What?

Y:

I said I don't think I can agree to your contract.

S:

You agree to our contract? Wonderful!

Y:

No, no, I said I don't agree.

S:

Oh, but I'm afraid you're mistaken.

Y:

What do you mean, I'm mistaken? I just told you I don't agree. I know whether I agree or not!

S:

Yes, well, I know you said you don't agree. But you implicitly agreed by your actions.

Y:

What the hell are you talking about?

S:

We're the company selling televisions in this town. You live in this town, right? So, you must have agreed to buy a television from us.

Y:

No I didn't! I'm explicitly telling you that right now. How much clearer can I make it?!

S:

Look, there's no reason to get upset. I'll tell you what. We'll give you another chance to opt out of buying a television from us.

Y:

Gee, thanks.

S:

Yes, you're welcome. We'll give you, say, three months to move?

Y:

Move? Just where do you think I'm moving to?

S:

Well, I don't know. How about this: if you don't want a television, simply signal that by moving to Antarctica in the next three months, and you won't owe us anything. If we see you here after three months, we'll take that as indicating that you've decided to purchase a television from us.

Y:

You're crazy.

S:

Look, we're just trying to be reasonable. How else can we determine if someone wants to accept our contract?

Y:

Uh, how about if you asked them, and listened to what they actually say?

S:

Oh, we couldn't do that.

Y:

Why not?

S:

Well, it wouldn't be practical. I mean, what if some irrational or ill-informed people said no? Then the company might not be able to raise enough money to be viable. I'm sure you can understand our position.

Just then, a delivery truck pulls up. Two men emerge and start moving a large box onto your lawn.

Y:

What's this?

S:

Your new television, per our agreement.

Y:

I told you I didn't agree.

S:

Oh? Then what are you doing with that television in your front yard?

The delivery men remove the packaging and plug the television into an outlet on the outside of your house.

Y:

You people just put it there! I didn't ask for it.

S:

Right, but you're keeping it, aren't you? So obviously you agree to our contract.

Y:

Well, you can just take it back.

S:

No.

Y:

No?

S:

No, you get the television whether you want it or not.

The salesman turns on the television. Barney the dinosaur is on.

Y:

I don't even like this television.

S:

Then you may write to our president and suggest a redesign of the company's product. Now, let's get back to the matter of your first payment.

Y:

Let me get this straight. You're saying that because I'm not moving to Antarctica, and because I have this television that you delivered to me without my asking and that you're going to leave here whether I want it or not, therefore I'm bound to pay you for it?

Barney the dinosaur starts singing. You try not to listen.

S:

Aha! I just saw you watching the television. And you still claim not to agree with our contract?!

Y:

So, if I don't watch the television, will you take it back and leave me alone?

S:

I told you, you get the television no matter what. But don't worry, we'll leave you alone as long as you pay us and follow the company rules.

Y:

So I have to pay you whether I asked for the television or not, and whether I watch it or not.

S:

Now you're getting it. It's all here in this contract that you just tacitly signed.

Y:

Uh huh. By living in my house.

S:

Perhaps you feel you are being treated . . . unfairly?

Y:

Oh no, of course not.

S:

Good. Because it would be unfair of you not to pay us.

Y:

How's that?

S:

Everyone else is paying. If you don't pay your fair share, then you'll be getting a benefit that they paid for, without giving anything in return. We did just give you a television—which you admitted yesterday that you needed.

Y:

Yes, I did say that. But—

S:

You don't want to be ungrateful, do you?

Y:

Uh, no . . .

S:

Good. Then please express your gratitude by doing everything we say.

Y:

Isn't there some other way I could express my gratitude? How about if I just gave you the $50 that you originally mentioned, without all the rest?

S:

No, we really need you to obey all our commands. After all, if no one did any of the things we want, then our company couldn't continue to exist and provide such fine televisions.

Y:

Uh, right, but what if just some people did some of the things you want—

S:

Nope, not good enough. The company would collapse.

Y:

—but what if we did the reasonable things that you ask for? Like just paying a reasonable, pre-set price for your goods?

The salesman stares at you incredulously.

S:

I had no idea you were such an extremist. If anyone could just decide for himself what was reasonable? That would be an utter disaster—for us and for the television-viewing public.

Y:

Well, I'm not sure why you think your company would collapse. But I really don't see that that's my problem anyway.

S:

Not your problem? It's everybody's problem!

Y:

Everybody in the world?

S:

Everyone in the neighborhood. Well, everyone that we've chosen to ask for money from anyway. Look, you agree that televisions are good, right?

Y:

Sure.

S:

Well, now, suppose you saw your neighbor's television about to be smashed. Let's say he left it in the driveway, he's forgotten about it, and now he's pulling out of the garage in his car. If you don't say anything, the television will be destroyed.

Y:

Okay.

S:

What would you do?

Y:

I guess I'd try to warn him.

S:

That's right! In fact, wouldn't it be wrong not to warn him?

Y:

Sure, I guess so.

S:

Because you could save his television at very little cost to yourself?

Y:

Right.

S:

Okay, so now you see why you should sign our contract.

Y:

What??

S:

[patiently] The example shows that you have an obligation to be a good Samaritan. Right?

Y:

Well, sometimes . . .

S:

To protect someone from the loss of a television, when it can be done easily and at little cost to you.

Y:

Yes.

S:

Alright, well, if no one signed our contract, then we wouldn't provide televisions to anyone. So then the whole town would be denied televisions.

Y:

Uh, okay.

S:

So you have an obligation to do your fair share to stop that from happening.

Y:

But only if I can do it easily and at little cost, like you said.

S:

Yes, yes. But of course those conditions are satisfied in this case.

Y:

No they're not. You want me to submit to the possibility of unknown future price increases, unknown restrictions on my behavior, and possibly being forced to do dangerous work for the company. I wouldn't call that a small cost.

S:

It's small in comparison with the total benefits we provide. The restrictions we impose aren't so bad, since we usually only prohibit very unpopular activities. And hardly anyone gets killed while being forced to work for the company. Our surveys indicate that the entertainment provided by one of our televisions is worth thousands of dollars more than what you give up.

Y:

But couldn't you provide the televisions without interfering with your customers' lives or forcing them to work for you?

S:

Maybe, I don't know. That's a matter for policy debate with our board of directors. No company is perfect, we know that. The central point is that we're providing televisions that are worth much more than the costs.

At this point, a car pulls up with the company logo on the side. A couple of muscle men emerge, carrying clubs.

S:

[looking at his watch] I'm afraid I don't have time to argue with you anymore. The company has sent these customer service representatives to further assist you.

Muscle Man 1: We're here to collect your voluntary contribution to the town television fund.

Muscle Man 2: [fingering his club] And to service your TV.

Y:

Um, this deal is seeming less and less voluntary.

MM2:

Less talk, more pay.

Y:

What happens if I don't pay?

MM1:

Then your next bill will be higher.

Y:

What if I don't pay that one either?

MM1:

Then the bill will get very high.

Y:

And if I don't pay any of your bills?

MM2:

Take house!

MM1:

[To other muscle man:] Shh, Bruno. [To you:] Then you will be escorted to our company headquarters for an extended stay. Now, are you going to pay voluntarily, or are we going to have to take stronger measures?

Y:

Alright, alright, I'll pay.

You hand him $50.

MM1:

Great. Now that you've agreed to pay voluntarily, you've once more implicitly affirmed your contract.

They take your money and drive away. Shortly after they leave, the television picture suddenly turns fuzzy. You consider calling the company to service it . . .

The End

1.

It is a “fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen.” [Warren v. District of Columbia Metropolitan Police Department, 444 A.2d 1 (D.C. App. 1981).]