Bryan Chao, AKA my future husband, is everything the great state of Florida stands for.

Last Wednesday, 24 year-old Chao and his wife got hammered at a fancy hotel in Naples and decided to pull the fire alarm. Police arrived to find the tipsy twosome enjoying a dip in the pool.

Bryan Chao

Police ordered Chao to get out of the water, but he had one condition: He wanted them to tickle him, and he wanted them to tickle him bad. He asked them repeatedly to indulge his peculiar whim, and would not take 'no' for an answer.

Finally cops were able to coax him onto dry land but his quest to be tickled continued.

Soon they tired of this pestering and attempted to slap the cuffs on Chao, but his meaty wrists would not allow for closure- the cuffs were just too small. Ultimately, however, they managed to detain him and take him to jail.

Mrs. Chao was also taken into custody. Apparently she so wasted that police arrested under the Marchman Act, a Florida law that allows police to take an intoxicated person in to receive treatment without their consent.

“Hopefully, we never see them again,” the hotel’s general manager and buzz kill Sue Soldan, told The Naples Daily News.

Chao was later released on $1,000 bond.

Bryan Chao, Popdust salutes you!