To: All White House Staff Subject: Republican outreach initiatives



By now you'll be aware of my non-partisan attempts to include our friends across the aisle in the day-to-day business of governing America, including my high-profile Q&A session with House Republicans. Some have suggested that by purporting to welcome new ideas from the GOP, I hope to expose them as kneejerk oppositionalists with nothing constructive to contri- bute, thus salvaging the Democratic vote in the midterm elections and beyond. I'm appalled at the notion that I'm trying to humiliate Republicans in public, so I'd like to ask you all to a televised session at the White House tomorrow for the House and Senate minority leaders, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell. They think it's a brainstorming session on the deficit, but to surprise them – and show they're real friends and colleagues – it's actually going to be a basketball match! Should be lots of fun. Barack

To: Rahm Emanuel <rahm.emanuel3@gmail.com>

Subject: Re: Summit with disability rights activists at the White House? What the fucking fuck?

You do have to do this, yes. And you know why. You used a really offensive word, and we need to make a grand, public gesture of contrition. Just do it — and PLEASE try not to hit anyone. Barack

PS. Given that the point of this is to teach you not to alienate entire groups, dismissing it in your email as a "fucking Canadian idea" doesn't bode well. Shape up, please.

To: All White House Staff

Subject: Re: SUPERBOWL PARTY IN THE OVAL OFFICE!!! COME N GET WASTED!!!

At the risk of sounding uptight, I'm overruling this. Use of the Oval Office is controlled by the social secretary, and bona fide invitations, while they may allow you to attend with one guest pre-screened by the Secret Service, will not say "BRING UR BUDDIES! ALSO ANY HOT CHICKS!!!". In light of this incident, Joe's email privileges are being reviewed. Warmly, Barack

To: Nicolas Sarkozy <sarkozy@elysee.fr>

Subject: Politico.com: Sarko goes negative on Obama

WTF? Says here you've been insulting me in the French press for months. Sorry to disappoint you, but… I don't read the French press. I make my coffee in one. I think you call it a cafetiere. Sorry to disappoint, little guy. A bientot, Barack