Down in Australia, there is a man. He is a kind, gregarious man with a big voice, and a bigger heart. This man spends his days taking out the rubbish (and recycling) bins, hunting the deadly Australian House Tarantula, making musical melodies of high(ish) quality, and creating Youtube videos where he shares his opinions with the world. His Youtube videos have brought joy to millions of people around the globe because of the way he constructively criticizes malformed ideas, and sprinkles those criticisms with the most delightful obscenities. Even when he disagrees with someone at a fundamental, basic, atomic level, he is able to reach them and provoke a dialogue with them that engenders friendship, and understanding, for years to come. This man's name is Jebediah R. Bearing III(unconfirmed), and everybody on Earth is nice to him.

Everybody... save one.

In America, there is an ivory tower. In this tower dwells a sociologist with a heart of ice. Her name is Kristi Winters, and she is the only person on Earth who isn't nice to Bearing. She is Cain to his Abel, Brutus to his Caesar, Squidward to his SpongeBob. The only possible reason for her contempt is Bearing's speech impediment, which causes him to pronounce her name "Fisti Splinters," but holding that against him would be ableist, and we're totes not gonna do that in Current Year, amiright?

Join me in petitioning that Kristi Winters 'Be Nice To Bearing' so that we finally have a man on Earth, just one, that has truly received the warmth and compassion of every single living soul on the planet. Then, and only then, will we truly live in a world -a great world- that a man can finally say the words "I am privileged."

Every signature counts! It may take millions, nay... billions of concerted voices to persuade Fist, er.. Kristi to finally be Nice to Bearing, but it is a struggle well worth the difficulty: Don't YOU want to live in a world where everyone is nice to someone??

Sign today! And don't forget to share with all your friends!

Together, I know we can truly achieve this monumental goal!!!