“YOU look tired,” my friend said to me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I told her, feeling strangely defensive. “This is just my face now!”

I have never liked being told I’m tired. I’ve always suspected it is code for “You look really crap today.” And now, my suspicions have been confirmed. A recent article by Emotional Intelligence expert Dr Travis Bradberry has highlighted several of the common phrases that can cause offence, and “You look tired” is at number one.

Other offensive phrases include, “You look great for your age” (which means ‘You look good for a really old person’), “It’s up to you” (which means ‘I don’t care’), and “As I said before” (which means ‘You never listen!’).

Dr Bradberry has covered the phrases to be avoided by emotionally intelligent people, but he failed to cover the questions. So here they are:

9 QUESTIONS TO BE AVOIDED BY EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE:

1. Why are you single?

What it actually means: What is wrong with you?

The person is either happily single, in which case they don’t need to justify their status to you, or unhappily single, in which case your words will sting like the pain of a thousand Tinder rejections.

Try instead: “How’s that weather?”

2. Are you serious?

What it actually means: That was a stupid thing to say.

Stop being so judgey judgey, you Judgey McJudgeface.

Try instead: “Okay!”

3. Why did you cut your hair?

What it actually means: I don’t like your haircut!

Either the person loves their haircut, in which case your opinion is irrelevant, or they hate their haircut, in which case you are twisting that knife of Hair Regret right into their guts.

Try instead: “I love your outfit!”

4. Are you really eating that?

What it actually means: You are too fat!

Their weight is none of your business (unless they have hired you to be their personal weight loss consultant, in which case feel free to offer them some celery).

Try instead: “That looks delicious!”

5. Are you really wearing that?

What it actually means: You look awful!

Their personal style is none of your business (unless they are two, and you are their parent, and it’s cold outside and they’ve dressed in a tank top and shorts, in which case feel free to make them put on a jumper).

Try instead: “Your hair looks great!”

6. Are you premenstrual?

What it actually means: You are acting crazy.

If the woman is not premenstrual, you are being very offensive. If the woman is premenstrual, you are being even more offensive. And if you’re talking to a man, you need a lesson in biology.

Try instead: “May I offer you some chocolate?”

7. How far along are you?

What it actually means: Your stomach is really fat!

The woman might be sporting a stomach the size of a basketball, or caressing her belly with the tenderness of a mother cat licking her kitten. But if you can’t see a baby’s head actually emerging from between her legs, do not assume. She might just have had a big lunch!

Try instead: “What’s new?”

8. Is something wrong?

What it really means: Please tell me nothing is wrong!

There is something wrong. Obviously, there is something wrong.

Try instead: “I apologise. For everything.”

9. Are you awake?

What it really means: I want to talk!

They might be awake. They might be sleeping. But if their eyes are closed, they do not want to talk to you.

Try instead: NOTHING! Don’t speak! They don’t want to talk to you!

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