Seemingly Permanent Psychosis

LSD

Citation: Kel'. "Seemingly Permanent Psychosis: An Experience with LSD (exp22703)". Erowid.org . May 18, 2003. erowid.org/exp/22703

DOSE:

T+ 0:00 1 hit oral LSD T+ 2:00 0.5 hits oral LSD

BODY WEIGHT: 115 lb

Well, hopefully this will help someone (at least to feel like they are not alone). This is more than a one night experience for me. One night I was with my boyfriend, best friend, and another mutual friend. The mutual friend provided us a hit of acid (lsd) and we were comfortably experimenting at home...chatting, and dancing, listening to music, etc. This was a few days before a big move (across country).[[ I had previously done lsd on several occasions (a dozen or more times...I took 2 hits once, and the rest were taken in singles...maybe it should be added that I had done organic mushrooms about 4 times before--once I had a bad trip w/ no long term effects). ]]Anyway, we enjoyed the hit of lsd for a couple hours when it seemed to be wearing off. Disappointed, we realized we had one more hit left over from a previous trip (this hit had not been kept in the freezer as per our usual). We split that hit into fours and took it. About an hour later, I felt it coming on...I was dancing, paying no mind to anyone else...when immediately we all felt the same overwhelming desire for the trip to be over. It was too intense. Some people were watching movies, trying to stay sane (this didn't work because we could not keep a grip on any kind of reality), this led to praying (people making amends with God, you know), some ignoring what their mind was telling them (matter over mind, in this instance). By the end of a near 8-hr. night I had the most monstrous headache ever.To my dismay, this was not the last of my horror night. I have always had lasting effects of lsd traceable in my sight. It was a gradual progression of intensity due to a gradual use of lsd. No big deal...afterall, I had seen those same things while tripping. (Hell, I didn't have great sight before using lsd.) Well, after my big move, I went to the movie theater to watch a movie (A.I.) and at the very end of the movie I started tripping hardcore. This was new to me. I thought I was going insane (it is different when you are expecting a trip). I can only relate this feeling to maybe taking lsd while alone and in an uncomfortable environment--scary. It is scary enough to think that people cannot relate to what you are feeling or going through. Well, this experience was not the only one. I had several mind altering experiences. I eventually told myself it was migrains. (I would sometimes be completely impaired from doing anything...even concentrating. Sleeping would be the only real help...and after 30 min. of waking up, the cycle would start all over again.) The migrains have lessened, but I still have long-lasting anxiety that I feel was initially caused from that one bad trip.Now, some people have described flashbacks as fun or just visual in nature, but mine was like having that same bad trip all over again (I was feeling more bothered psychologically while having a plaguing headache...it did not feel like I needed to rid myself of the drug, which is usually accompanied by an aching mechanical feeling). I was never sure if that one bad flashback was because of my continued use of lsd or if it was because of the one bad trip I had in which I had feelings of having periodic psyochological impairments. Perhaps, it was just the fear-factor caused from this bad trip or from something else, but I am constantly plagued by very bad headaches (which, have lessened in time...about 2 years thus far), periodic anxiety, and even schizoid/depression on different occasions. I tried taking medicines (tylenol, IB Profen (sp.?), sinus medicine, etc.) for the headaches, but these only made the headaches worse. I stopped taking those medicines altogether for fear of worsened headaches, which for me often led to more heightened anxiety. Caffine, diet pills, exercise boosters, etc. all had very bad effects too. I got headaches from taking these even when I had none beforehand. Those types of boosters still have a wearing effect on me that has not lessened in time...in order to lessen the negative effects of those boosters, it helps me to be active (exercise), which also helps the trippy-like effects (delusional, psychological, emotional, and physical impairments) to wear off.Moreover, I had and still have problems smoking marijauna (which, was never previously difficult for me:) Also, wierd psychosomatic urges would come over me when watching really wacky movies and those same urges come over me when playing the part of a daredevil (climing to the tops of mountains). I suppose this (again) could be me relating slightly frightening situations to the terribly unnerving trip I had while on lsd, but using the lsd has undoubtedly led me to be much more hypersensitive to drugs (legal and illegal), and to situations (both in the physical and spiritual world). Oddly, I feel much more aware (or maybe just crazy) and this both can scare and invigorate the mind.What has come out my experience(s) is that I do not have any desire to do lsd again; and I am also wary of taking any other mind altering drugs (esp. those chemical in nature) and I am additionally cautioned when taking perscrition or over the counter medicines and substances. I have only had a passing thought of taking organic mushrooms because my thought was that maybe I could replace the lasting bad trip phenomenon with a more natural/and maybe more spiritual enlightenment with which to replace my bad remembrances. Again, that was only a thought and not a thought that I have given much attention.