“This has also happened to me on the UES outside my own apartment building. A woman walked right up to me and told me to go back to my own country — a country I’ve lived in my entire life. I couldn’t even believe it and for people who say ‘they’re just words,’ guess what: Words hurt and I went home and cried that day even though I didn’t deserve to feel sad for being American.” — Rachael Moin

‘Where Are You Really From?’

Sometimes, the racism is more subtle, a question about where someone is really from, a backhanded compliment about a person’s English skills. The implication is that an Asian-American is somehow foreign and not quite American.

“Introduced myself to a neighbor and she asked, ‘what’s your real name?’ elizabeth is my real name.” — @curiousliz

“I met a celebrity a few years ago at a book signing. She is an actress, director, and producer. When my turn came up to have my book signed, she and I chatted. She asked me where I was from. I replied that I am from Queens. She responds, ‘No...I mean, where are you from? Where were you born?’ I said I was born in Manhattan. She continued on, ‘What is your nationality?’ I said I’m American. I sensed her frustration with me. She would not let it drop. ‘Where are your parents from?’ she continued. I replied, ‘They are from Shanghai and Xiamen.’ ‘Ahh....’ she replied to me, ‘so you are Chinese.’” — Lisa T, New York, N.Y.

“As an Asian-American physician, sad to say, I still get this in California: ‘No, really, where are you FROM?’ But at least no one asks me what I routinely got asked on the East Coast: ‘Where did you learn to speak such beautiful English?’ In the NY public schools, just like you. It is a continual reminder that despite being American, in many ways, we will always be ‘other.’ The nastiness of the current presidential election only serves to emphasize this difference and heighten our anxieties.” — GeriMD, California

“I’m a fourth-generation Chinese-American. My father and his father were born in the U.S. I grew up in Queens and have lived in a co-op on the Upper East Side for 16 years. Soon after our twins were born my wife, also Chinese-American, was in the elevator with our children one day and a woman asked her, ‘Oh, who in the building had twins?’ This woman assumed that my Ivy League lawyer wife was the nanny. A couple of times after picking up take-out food I have been admonished by people in my building for my taking the regular elevator instead of the service elevator — with the assumption that I am a delivery person, not a resident. We have a long way to go.” — Andrew Wong, New York, N.Y.

All Too Common

The obvious question about the incident that I experienced on Sunday was just how representative it was of the Asian-American experience. Readers made clear that it was all too common.