My Secret Santa is a freaking NICE, SAVVY, AWESOME DUDE. Don't believe me? Oh bitch I will make you believe. Let's go through, point by point.

It's December 11 and I haven't heard anything from my SS. I'm not worried because 1) I'm already satisfied with the whole RedditSS process after seeing the enthusiastic reaction my giftee posted, and 2) there's still time! Before okay.jpg even becomes an option, I get an orangered like so much Jordan at the buzzer: "Sorry man! I didn't forget about you, it's just finals." SS showing his colors as a NICE person, no? And a commitment to academics over Reddit is goddamned commendable on its own. A similar orangered popped up on December 20 to update on gift-shipping progress. DOUBLE-NICE.

Fast-forward to Christmas Eve. The words "Your Secret Santa 2011 gift has shipped!" are a glorious sight. My SS is a man of insane timing who gives a jolt to the Christmas hellastokedometer even before I receive anything. But hold the phone-- no tracking info. Does my SS have a penchant for being super-surprisey, or is this gift so wild that not even its master can tame it? Maybe a gift to be shipped directly from an online proprietor of goods? I would have to wait and see.

Until today. I'm at my office, tip-tap-typing away and yakking on the phone when I received two packages from Amazon. "c/o megagnome5000" in the address confirms this is what I've been waiting for. Hell yeah separate packages arriving on the same day! What did I say about timing again? And having the packages sent directly to me to save on shipping costs sounds pretty damn SAVVY.

I hold off on opening the padded envelope and the what-could-it-be?-sized box until I get back to my apartment. I feel a mix of excitement and fear as I unbox the gifts.

The first gift is a DVD of a film titled Rubber. An expose on the gritty underbelly of the latex prophylactic industry? No, much better. The DVD cover art of a lone car tire flanked by a crow and a police car immediately indicates that my SS has mined into my love of bad movies and struck gold. The brief synopsis on the case confirms my suspicions. Excerpted: "Rubber is the story of Robert, an inanimate tire that has been abandoned in the desert and then suddenly and inexplicably comes to life... terrifying telepathic powers... destroy anything he wishes... prey... humans... swath of destruction." HELL FUCKING YES. I'm delighted that I have not yet seen this movie, and I'm eager to get this certainly horrible horror film in my brain.

Surely, I thought, no mortal Redditor could follow up such a spot-on gift with something even better? I was a fool to entertain such a thought! The box contained a relatively small book, 'Chant and Be Happy: The Power of Mantra Meditation' featuring conversations with John Lennon and George Harrison. My adoration of The Beatles, which I mentioned in my list of "likes," must have been aided by some fine stalking/gumshoe work/telepathy. What I didn't tell my SS is that George is my favorite Beatle, and I've wanted to learn more about the spiritual underpinnings of his music. I even splurged on a set of George Harrison/Ravi Shankar sitar and chant CDs a few months back. More generally, I've tried to read more Eastern religious/spiritual texts. Get out of my head!

In short, from the wrath of a killer tire to inner peace with a sprinkling of Beatles, both of my gifts were thoroughly AWESOME.

Also, my SS divulged his name on a note attached to Chant and Be Happy, so I'm confident that my SS is a DUDE and not a lady.

Secret Santa, you are indeed a NICE, SAVVY, AWESOME DUDE. Thank you so much for bringing a lot of joy to my day!