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ATLANTA, GA – The CDC released a new and updated list of possible side effects for several popular vaccines today, with both grey hair and old age topping the list.

“We felt an update was needed as the old list had become fairly outdated,” said CDC spokesman Dr. John Greinke. “We all know the common ones like soreness at the injection site, redness, lightheadedness, autism, etc. But it seems not everyone knows that vaccines also cause people to live longer – often times well into old age.”

Anti-vaccine advocates have long stood by the vaccine insert as proof that vaccines can and do cause all sorts of problems; they now have even more weapons in their arsenal it would seem.

“This list of terrible side effects just keeps growing and growing,” said “doctor” Tim Meehann. “So now they are finally admitting that vaccines can even cause your hair to turn grey? Can increase your chances of getting dementia? Hearing loss? Arthritis? All of these problems come about when people get older, which is exactly what vaccines are doing to people.”

It seems as though the CDC is once again quietly admitting all of the possible harms that can come from getting vaccinated. One mother told The Science Post about her son’s terrible vaccine experience:

“I got my son fully vaccinated (before I knew better) and he had a terrible childhood. He never got to stay home sick with the measles or mumps like I did when I was younger. He never got the chance to get natural immunity to chicken pox since I stupidly got him vaccinated for it (he even missed out on my Facebook groups chicken pox party), it has just been horrible. Thankfully I managed to use Google and diagnosed him as gluten-sensitive and he has also has a severe GMO allergy, so there’s that.” –Maggie Haliburton, terrible mother.

So if you want to avoid increasing your chances of living a long and healthy life and getting grey hair, make sure to avoid vaccines at all costs.