In the wake of recent unfortunate events, the release schedule for the Star Wars sequel trilogy has been drastically altered! Disney has totally gone off the rails in the wake of Carrie Fisher’s untimely and devastating death last month. We now have a new sequel release schedule wilder than any of us super-fans could have every imagined.

The first announcement is perhaps the most shocking. Episode VII (not VIII, folks) will be completely re-released. Rather than try to “work with” the story that was set-up in The Force Awakens, Disney has decided to double-down on the success of Episode VII by releasing a SECOND Episode VII, tentatively titled The Force Reawakens, exclusively to home media. In this version, fans will learn that General Leia Organa has already passed away, eliminating any speculation about her character arc in the subsequent episodes. Additionally, Han Solo will not be killed off by Kylo Ren in Reawakens so they can use Harrison Ford in Fisher’s place.

Disney sources explain that this will be a more respectful solution to the plotting issues they would be faced with if they left her character intact, not to mention the difficulty and controversy surrounding the idea of recreating Fisher’s likeness in Episode IX.

Unfortunately this means that Episode VIII will need to be almost entirely re-shot as well with Ford standing in for Fisher, but Rian Johnson is a really cool guy and apparently is “hip to the idea”.

We here at FakingStarWars cannot attest to the veracity of these rumors, but we can say that we will be the first in line for whatever Disney comes up with.

-Duper out

Heading image artwork by SpaceBoyComics.com.