True or false? Men marry women because their penis told them to. Women marry men because they think they’re hot, funny and will make good providers.

In the beginning, both sexes are on their best behavior. We’re learning to play house so we do all the things we think exemplify the roles of husband and wife. And, we have a lot of sex. But, the months turn into years and somewhere, comfort sets in.

We all experience a period of marital decomposition, so no need to get indignant! Everyone knows relationships take work, and ladies, we can get complacent, So, here are a few Golden Rules on Being a Better Wife.

Nix the Nagging. Get off his back. Sometimes when you want something done, it’s much easier to do it yourself. Except for changing the kitty litter and lifting heavy objects. Save the battles for things you really don’t want to do.

Forgive, Forget, and Move On. Yeah, I said it. If it happened a week ago, don’t bring it up today. Unless he cheated. That’s a different story.

Fight Fair. You can think whatever nasty name you want about him, but keep it tucked away in your head. Except variations on the word douchebag. Because I love that word. Everyone loves that word.

Tell Him You Love Him. Unless, of course, you don’t (and that’s a whole ‘nother subject). Listen, we spend all day smothering our children, friends, and/or family with every ounce of love and affection we have. We forget sometimes that our husbands are just kids in grown up bodies!

Do Something Special for him every day. Like, a blow job or cook dinner. Or a blow job. I know I’m gonna get heat on this “every day” thing, but I’m ready for you!

Be Cool with “Guy Time”. It gives us an excuse to have Girls’ Night Out without guilt!

Stop Expecting Him to Be a Mind Reader. Just because we are ESP Extraordinary doesn’t mean our mates are. So, we have to tell them, sometimes gently (and sometimes daily, BLERG!) what it is we expect of them.

Believe in Him. Let him know you do. Even if you have to keep your fingers crossed behind your back.

And lastly,

Show Him Some Respect. Especially in front of others.

It’s your turn. What do you do to be a better wife?

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