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VETERAN Welsh royal watcher Brian Hoey has lifted the lid on the often bizarre world of the Queen and her family.

The former BBC Wales journalist reveals the Queen has a peculiar hobby – catching bats in a net at Balmoral Castle then letting them go.

And in his latest book on the royals – We Are Amused: A Royal Miscellany – the 76-year-old says the Queen hates people petting her corgis.

He also advises people not to send the Royal Family any chocolates because they will be “immediately destroyed” in case they are poisoned.

The book highlights Prince Charles’ peculiar practice of taking a white leather toilet seat with him wherever he travels.

The Queen is also said not to be a fan of men in loafers and Princess Anne hates to be driven and insists on taking the wheel herself on practically all occasions.

Mr Hoey, who lives in Cowbridge, in the Vale of Glamorgan, said: “Newcomers to the royal household are quickly made aware of the likes and dislikes of the Royal Family.

“They soon realise the faster they learn the better it is for them.

“The Queen does not care to see her staff, apart from liveried servants, in three-piece suits, so waistcoats are out.

“She also prefers men in dark suits to brown, adopting the old adage that ‘gentlemen do not wear brown in town’.

“Black lace-up shoes are better than loafers and the cardinal sin in royal eyes is to see someone at a formal function with a made-up bow tie.

“It is said Her Majesty can spot one at 20 paces and palace officials, if they do not already know how, quickly learn to tie their own bows.

“The Queen hates anyone trying to pet her dogs. They respond to her and only her.

“Visitors who try to get into her good books by patting the dogs are sharply told: ‘Don’t do that they don’t like it’.

“What she really means is she doesn’t like it.”

Hoey said gifts sent to the royal household can pose a problem.

“Men, women and children from around the world like to show their feelings towards royalty by sending them presents at Christmas and on their birthdays,” he said. “Every year the Queen receives hundreds of boxes of chocolates from well- meaning but ill-advised donors.

“She does not taste even one. Every gift of food and drink sent to any member of the Royal Family is immediately destroyed because of the ever present possibility it might contain poison.

“In the early years of the reign the gifts were distributed to hospitals and schools. Sadly that’s no longer possible in the current climate of terrorist threats.

“Gifts of hand-knitted baby clothes are often sent to royal mothers. These are sent on to deserving charities as there is little danger of contamination.

“Every gift received at the palace is acknowledged with a letter thanking the donor for their kindness. Many ask what the most popular present the Queen has ever received is. The answer is surprisingly simple.

“One of Her Majesty’s oldest friends once asked Prince Philip what he thought his wife might like to receive as a gift, and he replied: a plastic, transparent umbrella – costing just £11.

“Apparently the Queen Mother always liked to carry one so that she could see out when it rained and, more importantly, she could be seen.

“The Queen thought this was an excellent idea and when she too received one she was delighted and today she has a number of these umbrellas, all trimmed in various colours to match her outfit of the day.”

According to Hoey, who has been writing about the Royal Family for 30 years, Princess Anne “eats like a sparrow”.

He said: “Food is a necessary evil in her view. She eats like a sparrow and one of her staff said, if she could take a pill instead of food, she would.

“However, she enjoys small, intimate dinner parties and guests at Gatcombe Park say she is a brilliant hostess.”

The Princess Royal is also said to be fiercely independent. Hoey added: “She hates to be driven and insists on driving herself on practically all occasions.

“Her personal protection officers all know this and reluctantly they obey. They are soon made aware of her likes and dislikes.

“They know she does not care for small talk and that they must make sure CDs of her favourite music are available in her Bentley before they set off.

“She is not a great fan of classical music.”

The Princess Royal, a keen rugby fan, is also not a big lover of tennis, saying Wimbledon is “too cauldron-like”.

Hoey yesterday told the Western Mail: “I’ve not had official approval for this book but I don’t think there’s anything in it they will object to.

“Many myths have grown up surrounding royalty and this book aims to examine most of them and provide an insight into the lesser-known activities of the monarchy.”

He added, in an introduction to the book: “The private lives of the royals are lived on the public stage with a cast of characters who may be straight out of the top draw but whose behaviour occasionally matches those in EastEnders or Coronation Street.

“When Zara Phillips, daughter of the Princess Royal, appeared with a stud in her tongue and another in her navel it made headlines for days.

“Similarly, when one of the Duke of York’s daughters was photographed topless on a beach the pictures sold all over the world and Prince William and Harry’s love lives constantly fill the tabloids’ gossip columns.”

We Are Amused: A Royal Miscellany by Brian Hoey (£14.99) will be published by JR Books on November 17