One of the cheeses improbably shattered the main mast of the enemy ship, killing men with cheese shrapnel and shredding their sails. Wisely, the Brazilians retreated, presumably taking the long way back to port so the crew could rehearse their story about how their ship totally got attacked by a sea monster and certainly hadn't been crippled by volleys of petrified dairy.

3 The Romans Are Defeated by Honey

The Heptacomitae were a tribe that lived in modern-day Turkey during the 1st century B.C. who spent most of their time getting killed by the Romans (and, to be fair, that's pretty much how everyone spent their time in those days). However, they were able to get the upper hand every once in a while in the form of bowls of "maddening honey," which they would leave in the road behind them to trap the pursuing Romans (because ancient times were apparently much more like cartoons than we realized).

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"Maybe they're leaving it as a goodwill offering. 'Thanks for the war, guys; here's a present'!"

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Maddening honey was like mega LSD that, if ingested, would carpet-bomb your cortex with giggle-shitting lunacy. Since the Romans evidently had the impulse control of 6-year-olds, they would sit down and eat the bowls of honey left for them and lose their goddamned minds. At which point, the Heptacomitae would return to stab them in their already-melting faces.