I can’t cope with my flatmates’ untidiness and I want to stick to my own routines

Starting university is a big step for everyone, but for me it was a little more daunting as I have Asperger’s syndrome. The National Autistic Society (NAS) describes the condition as a “hidden disability” because you can’t tell from someone’s appearance that they have it.

The main symptoms of the condition, which is a form of autism, are problems with social communication, interaction and imagination. Some common characteristics include a love of routines, having special interests and sensory difficulties.

Asperger’s made living with other students a challenge during my first year at university, which I have just completed. Because some of the most common problems associated with Asperger’s are related to socialisation, meeting new people and making friends was extremely difficult.

Moving in with new flatmates is hard – people you’ve never met before become a huge part of your everyday life and, for some, this is too much.

Alex Howells (not her real name), a postgraduate student at the University of Brighton who has Aspergers, says: “I prefer to keep to myself because I find it hard to make friends. I feel like I can only make friends with someone who will accept me for who I am, and that takes a special type of person.”

Zak Pearce, who also has the condition, is starting his degree at Aberystwyth University in September and has chosen to live alone in a single dorm for his first year. “I am concerned that I might not form a good body of close friends,” he says. “But I don’t think sharing a room would be easy for me or a roommate.”

It isn’t just the social side of things that are challenging. When I set my mind to do something, I have to do it. If I decide I’m going to eat dinner, shower, then go to bed, I have to do those three things in that order, or I feel as though my brain’s going to explode.

However, often when I decided to make dinner there was already someone in the kitchen, so I ended up leaving and waiting a long time before returning, leading to late nights and undereating.

Another problem for me is that if a rule is set, I cannot break it. At the beginning of the year it was made clear that when the cleaner comes on Friday mornings, the sink and work surfaces must be empty.

So I made sure that every Thursday night I did my washing up and put everything away, only to become furious when I found other people’s dirty dishes all over the kitchen table on Friday morning – the cleaner had put them there to get to the sink.

Howells also struggled with this: “It was hard adjusting to living with other people and accepting their habits,” she says. “For example, I’m very sensitive around food, so when others didn’t clean up after cooking, I found it distressing and couldn’t use the kitchen.”

Of course, people with Asperger’s also have behaviours that other people may find difficult and this can cause just as many problems. Dougie Morgan, who has just graduated from the University of Aberdeen, says: “Given my tendency to become obsessed with a task to the point of absolute absorption, my flatmate would occasionally become quite frustrated that I wasn’t ‘pulling my weight’ about our abode.”

Vicky Neale, student support coordinator at the National Autistic Society, says autistic students can sometimes wrongly be perceived as not wanting to be involved with other people if they do not appear engaged in social activities.

Neale adds that 65% of autistic adults have told the NAS that they would like more friends, but 59% find it hard to make friends.

Helping students with Asperger's prepare for university life Read more

“People on the autism spectrum might find it easier getting to know someone one-on-one, rather than in a group situation. Using clear and direct communication can also be helpful. If your housemate has told you that they have Asperger’s syndrome or autism, it is likely that they are happy for you to ask how they would prefer you to interact with them,” says Neale.

If you are worried about moving into shared accommodation in September or are struggling at the moment, contact the NAS student support services. I would also recommend alerting your flatmates to your condition early on, making sure they are aware of the problems it can cause, and letting them know how they can help.

Howells adds: “Don’t beat yourself up about not socialising as much as neurotypical people. Stay in your room if you have to.” Morgan advises that you “shouldn’t compromise your personality for anyone, but should always be prepared to listen to others.”

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