Asian Male Resentment

Skarphedin talks about racial preferences in online dating, and concludes that people generally prefer to date within their own race. He says that in-group dating would be much more pronounced in North America if not for the overwhelming numerical superiority of whites (which effectively forces minorities to be more open to inter-racial dating than would otherwise be the case).

Good luck post-racial world.

Quite right. An increasingly diverse America is going to be an increasingly stratified America, to a great extent along racial lines.

Well, at least nobody’s self image is being harmed by all this racial preference. Apparently black men and women rate themselves much more highly in the looks department than do whites or asians, despite being rated more lowly by others.

Interesting. But some people’s self-image has definitely suffered. First of all, remember that preferences don’t always translate into reality. So, for example, one of Skarphedin’s charts indicates that Asian men and women don’t differ all that much in their preferences. But asian women are far more likely to actually date and marry non-Asians than are Asian men. (Stats and explanations here.)

And Asian men have definitely noticed. Here’s a passage from a long and very frustrated-sounding comment on a post at the blog Single Asian Male (the site seems to be down, so I had to linked to the cached page).

The truth to the matter is that the rapid increase in asian women dating outside of their own is a huge blow to Asian American men’s confidence. When Asian men see so many AW/WM couples, it’s an internal struggle that they face where we (I’m asian) unconsciously ask ourselves, “am I not good enough? Is that why so many asian women are dating white guys?” etc.

And here’s an incredibly sad comment by a half-Asian guy (he has a blog somewhere, but I forget where—update: it’s here).

I used to blame the white guys for having yellow fever and stuff. But according to science, its the asian females who deserve the blame, since males of all races try to mate with all races. Its the females who in every single race but east asian, chose their own over others. I have nothing against interracial marriages in the abstract. I just think that in the specific circumstances of American culture, asian females who mate with whites, hurt all asian men. Now maybe its ok for them to put individual interest over race. But the thing is their Eurasian male sons, like me, have to suffer the consequences. So its not some abstract racial myth, but their own offspring. Maybe their right and eurasian couples should just abort the males like me. How dare my mom or dad ever lecture me on anything, when they have no idea what its like to be an Asian male in America. They don’t have my experience so what right to they have to advise? I feel like an African born to a white slave owner or a Jew born to a Roman conquerer. My very birth marks my own defeat.

And here’s the topic on Stuff Asian People Like: #95 Resenting Asian Women for Dating Caucasian Males.

I think the primary culprit here is a lack of assertiveness on the part of Asian men. The characteristic deliberativeness of Asian men is laudable, but it’s costing them in the North American dating market. The point, though, is that there are preferences and then there’s the dating market reality. There are lots of Asian women who would happily have married Asian men, but got snapped up by white guys first. And it does damage the self-image of Asian men: if blacks tend towards over-confidence, Asians tend the other way.

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I feel sort of bad for Asian guys, as I myself have taken their best woman. So I’ll be revisiting this topic.