I debated whether or not to post this, because let’s face it: it’s way too easy to pick on conservative Christians who make earnest videos using teddy bears to tell us how cool chastity is. But in the end, fuck it, it’s Friday, and also this is a product of the Liberty Counsel, assholes who think gay people, feminists, and science-based sex education are destroying America.

“I know she’s cuddly. Look at me, I”m cuddly.”

-Purity Bear

The kids who made this video do not know what to do with either 1.) girls or 2.) teddy bears. Or both.

This is a promotion for the Day of Purity, the most boring holiday since Arbor Day (yeah, I said it. Bring the hate, tree-lovers). According to the “about” page, the Liberty Counsel hopes that you’ll spend the Day of Purity (“Valentine’s Day or the previous weekday”) ignoring gay rights groups that tell you it’s okay to have sexual urges that disappoint Pat Robertson.

You can also spend the day spreading a little fear around. Here’s a sample flyer they provide, which includes statistics on STDs like:

A teenage girl has nearly a 50/50 risk of getting HPV in her first sexual relationship, (46 percent) according to BJOG : An International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

You can remember that the next time you read a press release from the Liberty Counsel that argues against the HPV vaccine. They don’t hate mandatory vaccinations because of preserving their religious freedom – they hate them because they’d take away their star statistic in their fear-mongering flyer. If you can’t scare girls with HPV, how on earth will you ever stop them from having sex?

And not just sex “before marriage,” either. This statistic is about the first time a girl has sex. HPV doesn’t magically disappear when marriage vows are exchanges, you know. Better to just never have sex at all, I guess.

Then there’s this:

In 2006, 750,000 teenage girls became pregnant and 32 percent of those pregnancies ended in abortion. Sexual activity among teens is a strong and significant predictor of decreased academic results. One report shows that sexually active teens are: ? almost three times more likely to be expelled or drop out of high school;

? 50 percent less likely to attend or graduate from college; and

? More likely to not graduate from college by the time they turn 30

Who knows what report they’re talking about, there, but they come close to the truth: teen pregnancy leads to girls dropping out of school. Not sex. You know what prevents pregnancy, besides not having sex? Contraceptives. You know how many times contraceptives are mentioned in this flyer? Zero. Zero times. Contraceptives are for the devil.

Anyway, there’s lots of enraging bullshit to dig through on the Day of Purity site. When you’ve had enough, come back and watch this “purity” video as a palette cleanser:

(Daniela sent us that . . . it was apparently an ad for MTV.)