FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

With millions of school students stuck at home hogging the big tv and eating all the snacks, one industry is experiencing explosive growth.

Unsurprisingly, it’s the medical industry, although the sheer number of new medical research centres is beyond anything Australia has seen before, with over 2 million Research Centres opening in the past week alone, mostly in suburban 3 bedroom family homes.

“It’s been all systems go here” said father of 3 Doctor Florin, who until last week was known as Jason Florin, a sheet metal worker from Unanderra.

“I’ve been getting deliveries all day as I turn this double garage into a Research Institute. So far I have a lab coat, a microscope and a big pile of grant applications. Obviously I’m going to need some big glass doors to replace the roller door over here, but that won’t be delivered until Tuesday, along with the fancy reception desk and 45 tins of white paint. But then after the painting, it’s on to the next step, whatever that is”.

Although the next phase in the establishment of the Florin Medical Research Institute is unclear, Doctor Florin has a solid medical background, having watched the first 8 Seasons of ‘Scrubs’ and all of the breast augmentation episodes of NBC’s ‘Botched’.

“Yeah, I’d say the next step is that we get someone that has this COVID thing, and then we stab their finger to get some blood, and then I’ll get some of my blood, and then have a quick squiz at both of ‘em under this microscope to see if they look different, cause it’s something to do with blood, I reckon”.

“It’s all very exciting” enthused wife Doctor Florin, who until last week was known as Megan Florin, a mobile dog wash operator.

“Just imagine, the COVID-19 cure could come from our own home, and then the schools can re-open and we’ll be able to safely walk around the house all day without anyone rolling their eyes at us”.

