Doughnut biodiversity, and the origin of doughnuts are questions of great biomedical importance that have vexed scientists for many years. We have addressed these problems using a novel environmental sampling technique that simultaneously examines doughnodiversity and the relative abundance of different species in the doughnosphere. Based on the hypothesis that doughnut expression will leave environmental traces, doughnodiversity was sampled from the sub-rimal regions of used double-doubles. Double-doubles were procured at Spring Garden Road, Halifax, and rims were rolled-up manually, exposing traces of doughnofauna in the rim core. In total, 10,000 rim cores have been examined between the months of April and May (we are indebted to the members of the Doolittle Lab for field work). DNA was prepared from isolated rim-doughnofauna, and used as templates in environmental PCR reactions for the Surface Coat Sugar gene, SGS. Sequences were found to fall into three major families, which were identified by immunogold labeling and electron microscopy as representing the classical ring-form doughnut, or Ringozoa, the jelly- and cream-filled forms, or Jellyzoa, and the more recently discovered and putatively primitive Timbitozoa. Within each family the relative abundance of species varied dramatically, with Honi krulleri being the most abundant Ringozoa, and Bostonia creami being the most abundant Jellyzoa. Interestingly, an unexpected abundance of Timbitozoa was discovered in the relatively benign environment of Spring Garden Road, despite the widespread belief that Timbitozoa are restricted to extreme environments such as toddlers' birthday parties, school staff meetings, and of course, campus security stations. Unexpectedly, we also found that the Surface Coat Sugar gene is the product of an ancient gene duplication, resulting in "glazed" and "dusted" phenotypes. Since Ringozoa, Jellyzoa, and Timbitozoa all contain both sugar-glazed and sugar-dusted varieties, we were able to root the universal doughnut tree using this ancient sugar paralogy. Astonishingly, we found Timbitozoa to be sisters to the Jellyzoa, indicating that the Ringozoa are the most primitive family of doughnuts. Clearly, the Timbitozoa are not primitively simple doughnuts, but instead are secondarily derived, perhaps the result of extreme marketing pressure. This finding focuses new importance on the study of the Ringozoa, and also on the characters shared among the three families. We suggest a number of shared characters exist between Jellyzoa and Ringozoa would have been present in the last common ancestor of doughnuts, which we call the "Proughgenut".