"Sir? You've been out for six hours. We thought we lost you."

That being the case, I recently became the proud owner of several cultural treasures only available in the illustrious SkyMall catalogue. Like most of the worldly artifacts I keep displayed in my manse, these new items have limited practical use and frequently break when I touch them. But it is not enough for me to enjoy them alone. A big part of being privileged is giving back to the community, and I have given back hard. I wrote product reviews

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on the SkyMall website for each of the items I purchased so that future shoppers will know exactly what they are getting. It is my gift, both to SkyMall and to you.