

Best by test. But then I'd go and spoil it all by an uncontrollable desire to play d3 at some point.

I was starting to think this wasn't good for my chess, so I sought some therapy.



I booked an appointment with a therapist who was a specialist in such problems. As I arrived at her

office for my first appointment, I saw that the door was open.



"Come in" she said, "sorry about the mess."



I noticed on a table in the middle of the room was a chess set with a random chaotic position on it,

and scattered all around were a lot of pawns that she was in the process of picking up, so I helped

her collect them.



"Thanks for that. My previous patient has a gambit psychosis. I let him throw the pawns around.

It seems to help. Now, what can I do for you?"



I sat down on her couch and began to explain my d3 problem.



"Oh, that's not a problem. It's very common. Lots of Grandmasters play d3 like that. So how did this

begin?"



"Well I wanted to play the Ruy Lopez. An opening with a fine tradition, played by the great players

throughout history for centuries. But then I was worried about this Marshall gambit.

All that theory. But then I found I could avoid it. Just play 8. h3 and follow it up with d3.



"OK, that's perfectly fine. Go on"



"Well then I thought, there's still lots of theory. I can avoid this playing d3 earlier.

Just go 6. d3. But then there's the Open Lopez. But I can avoid that too with 5. d3."



"I can see a regression pattern here, but still, this is perfectly normal."



"Next I thought I can just play the Guico Piano, but with d3, and avoid even more theory..."



"Hmmm"



"...and then just skip Bc4 and play 3. d3, or no, just play 2. d3, or, why not 1. d3, 1. d3.

Play 1. d3 and then immediately resign, play again, d3, resign, d3, resign, more d3, more d3"



"OK, I'll have to stop you there as I think I can see the problem. I will try some hypnotherapy."



She got out a pocket watch, and began to swing it back and forth in front of my eyes.



"Concentate on the watch..."



Tick tick tick. The watch swung back and forth in front of me. Tick tick tick.

I reached forward, pressed the button on the side of the watch and stopped it.



"This isn't going to work if you do that."



"Sorry, your move".



She began swinging the watch again. Tick tick tick. Back and forth. Tick tick tick.



"I want you to go deeper now. deeper now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"I want you to go deeper now. deeper now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"I want you to go deeper now. deefer now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"I want you to go deeper now. deefer now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"I want you to go deeper now. dee four now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"I want you to go deeper now. dee four now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"I want you to go deeper now. dee four now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"I want you to go deeper now. 1. d4 now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"I want you to go deeper now. 1. d4 now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth...

"When I snap my fingers, you will open every game with 1. d4"

*Snap*



Well the therapy seems to have worked. There was a slight kerfuffle in my first tournament game.

It went 1. d4 d5 2. d3. My oppenent complained, and the Arbiter was called.

Apparently my move was illegal and I had to move it back to d4. Wow. This works!



I played chess online. Every game. 1. d4. The computer wouldn't even let move my pawn back to d3.

I followed it up with sound logical chess and won game after game. I was joyous.

Manic. I leapt around my house after every victory.



"Aha. I have you now. You'll never escape!"



After the police left, I settled down. I now was into my new future as a 1. d4 player.



Unfortunately, I've now found there is all this d4 theory, and I've developed a new problem.

I googled it. What was it? Colic system? Collec system? Something like that.

I've now got an uncontrollable desire to play e3 at some point.



Oh dear, looks like I need more therapy











I was an e4 player. A good move. A noble move. A move leading to interesting tactical positions.Best by test. But then I'd go and spoil it all by an uncontrollable desire to play d3 at some point.I was starting to think this wasn't good for my chess, so I sought some therapy.I booked an appointment with a therapist who was a specialist in such problems. As I arrived at heroffice for my first appointment, I saw that the door was open."Come in" she said, "sorry about the mess."I noticed on a table in the middle of the room was a chess set with a random chaotic position on it,and scattered all around were a lot of pawns that she was in the process of picking up, so I helpedher collect them."Thanks for that. My previous patient has a gambit psychosis. I let him throw the pawns around.It seems to help. Now, what can I do for you?"I sat down on her couch and began to explain my d3 problem."Oh, that's not a problem. It's very common. Lots of Grandmasters play d3 like that. So how did thisbegin?""Well I wanted to play the Ruy Lopez. An opening with a fine tradition, played by the great playersthroughout history for centuries. But then I was worried about this Marshall gambit.All that theory. But then I found I could avoid it. Just play 8. h3 and follow it up with d3."OK, that's perfectly fine. Go on""Well then I thought, there's still lots of theory. I can avoid this playing d3 earlier.Just go 6. d3. But then there's the Open Lopez. But I can avoid that too with 5. d3.""I can see a regression pattern here, but still, this is perfectly normal.""Next I thought I can just play the Guico Piano, but with d3, and avoid even more theory...""Hmmm""...and then just skip Bc4 and play 3. d3, or no, just play 2. d3, or, why not 1. d3, 1. d3.Play 1. d3 and then immediately resign, play again, d3, resign, d3, resign, more d3, more d3""OK, I'll have to stop you there as I think I can see the problem. I will try some hypnotherapy."She got out a pocket watch, and began to swing it back and forth in front of my eyes."Concentate on the watch..."Tick tick tick. The watch swung back and forth in front of me. Tick tick tick.I reached forward, pressed the button on the side of the watch and stopped it."This isn't going to work if you do that.""Sorry, your move".She began swinging the watch again. Tick tick tick. Back and forth. Tick tick tick."I want you to go deeper now. deeper now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."I want you to go deeper now. deeper now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."I want you to go deeper now. deefer now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."I want you to go deeper now. deefer now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."I want you to go deeper now. dee four now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."I want you to go deeper now. dee four now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."I want you to go deeper now. dee four now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."I want you to go deeper now. 1. d4 now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."I want you to go deeper now. 1. d4 now..." tick tick tick ... Back and forth..."When I snap my fingers, you will open every game with 1. d4"*Snap*Well the therapy seems to have worked. There was a slight kerfuffle in my first tournament game.It went 1. d4 d5 2. d3. My oppenent complained, and the Arbiter was called.Apparently my move was illegal and I had to move it back to d4. Wow. This works!I played chess online. Every game. 1. d4. The computer wouldn't even let move my pawn back to d3.I followed it up with sound logical chess and won game after game. I was joyous.Manic. I leapt around my house after every victory."Aha. I have you now. You'll never escape!"After the police left, I settled down. I now was into my new future as a 1. d4 player.Unfortunately, I've now found there is all this d4 theory, and I've developed a new problem.I googled it. What was it? Colic system? Collec system? Something like that.I've now got an uncontrollable desire to play e3 at some point.Oh dear, looks like I need more therapy