Wow, The Easter Bunny Loves Zombies!

Apr 21, 2019

by the Primordium Bloom, Head Devotee at the Temple of Goddess Eostre

It’s official: The Easter Bunny loves zombies.

As you know, our sacred Eostre Bunny (sometimes spelled Easter) is beloved throughout these pagan Anglo-Saxon lands. Our dear goddess Eostre, whose spirit may appear as a bunny, brings great fertility every springtime. Her sensual abilities can turn very death into life. As she heats you in her womb, ice shall melt, flowers blossom, and our world turns green once more. No man shall ever tell a woman "just chill."

But many of you are concerned about a certain Pope Gregory, out of Rome. This man priest has been trying to co-opt our feminine heathen festivals and superimpose Christian values on top of them. They are trying to do it to Samhain and Lughnasadh, to Yule and Beltane. And now they want to co-opt our dearly cherished Eostre.

For those who haven't heard it yet, Christianity is a new cult that hails from the tribes of Abraham. Their devotees celebrate a savior named Jesus who can return from the dead.

Egads! A zombie savior? Will he feast upon our flesh? It is said that the Christians drink his blood and eat his body. Will there be a tide of cannibal crusades? What will happen to our pagan way of life, which is both so strong yet is also so fragile?

Fear not, Gaia! The Eostre Bunny has come again! The ways of death shall die and life shall return, in abundance! Life is always coming back from the dead.

O goddess, Eostre, take me into your bosom! Make love to me today! Make love to the world! We need you dearly.