I remember like it was yesterday, the uncomfortable moment years ago when I became aware that some "gentlemanly" behaviors I'd been taught by my father weren't appreciated by all women. I was at work and walking the "spine," an air-conditioned corridor that connected buildings at Compaq, and I opened a door for a female colleague. She stopped before the door, rolled her eyes and said, "Puh-lease. I can open it myself." Then she just stood there, waiting for me to let it go.

I was caught completely off guard, confused and stuck in an uncomfortable predicament. Some lessons of my boyhood are hard to unlearn. My father would have smacked me on the back of my head with his wedding ring (if his left hand) or a just-as-hard knuckle (if his right) had I not opened a door and held it for any woman. Now this businesswoman, liberated from something but what, exactly, I didn't know, wanted me to walk through ahead of her and let a door go in her face. But I didn't do it for my father; I did it for her. And not because she was a woman who was feeble and powerless to open it herself, but because it's the kind, friendly and gentlemanly thing to do.

For the record, I'll hold a door for a man, too, if I get there first. But if I'm with a woman, I'll think ahead and try to position myself strategically as we approach the door to be sure I get there first so I can. I admit there's a difference.

What's a man to do these days? I know a lot of strong women who I realize are perfectly capable of opening their own damn doors. Yet it gives me pleasure to extend the kindness -- the small gesture of respect -- of opening a door for them. And pulling out a chair, helping don and doff a coat, paying for dinner... a lot of things, actually.

But now, even women who would allow and appreciate these acts, are so conditioned not to expect them that we're forced into an awkward dance as we sit together at a restaurant. The dance goes something like this: As we approach the table, I watch and pay close attention to get a sense of where she wants to sit. As she approaches her seat, I reach for it to pull it out for her. She assumes that I want to sit in that seat and so she moves toward another. I reach for that chair instead, confusing her more and so she moves again. As we dance, I'm eventually forced to let her in on my secret: "I'm trying to pull your chair out for you." Surprised and a little embarrassed, she allows me to do it and our painfully awkward dance is over. By the way, ladies... When this dance is done gracefully, it's beautiful.

I know some very strong, fiercely intelligent and endlessly capable women, so before any of you tell me how chauvinistic or outdated the behavior is, please allow me to share this with you. It's not that I think you're incapable of opening your own doors, or sitting in a chair without help. It means, very simply, that I respect you. It also doesn't mean I want to sleep with you or anything else. I offer my sisters, my daughter and my former wife the same courtesies. It's just respect, plain and simple. You are all so very capable. So can you handle that?

More Information Denver Hopkins lives and plays in Houston. He journals for amusement and to remember the details that give life color and texture, though the meaning of it all still eludes him. At Gray Matters, we think ahead and position ourselves strategically. So please don't just stand there. Click here.

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To my daughter: If a guy wants to do these things for you, let him. And thank him. You don't have to thank him; that's not why he does it. Thanking him is just a nice thing to do. But never be offended, and don't give him a hard time about it. Instead, be glad he respects you enough to try.

To my sons: I know you do these things; I've seen you do them, and it makes me proud. Don't stop. Sometimes it will be awkward, even unappreciated, and you may be embarrassed by the outcome, but do it anyway. Respect women, and let them know you do. They don't all respect themselves enough to be comfortable with such behavior, but don't let that stop you. You are men. Be gentlemen.