We’re literally rolling our eyes on a constant loop due to the fact that we’ve sunk to the level of pandering to people by using the name “Marie Kondo” in the title of one of our articles. We think that, even though the concept of getting rid of things you don’t need or likeis useful and also as old as mankind in general, we hate to even give a whiff of hopping onto a pop culture bandwagon. Now, that Dennis Miller-esque preamble aside, it’s absolutely a good idea to get rid of the bullshit in your life and, specifically for our purposes, the stuff in your closet that you either don’t wear or or that you don’t look good in. Let’s use this as our version of things that don’t “spark joy” (ugh…another eye roll.)

So in full disclosure, we’ve previously written an article on paring down your wardrobe and tossing out the necessities, but it never hurts to give a refresher course on the subject, especially when people seem to be ripe for accepting advice on tossing stuff out and keep to bare essentials. The concept we wholeheartedly get behind; the fact that every mindless drone in our office yammers on about Marie Kondo, we could do without. Nonetheless, here are the new rules of “keep” versus “toss” when it comes to your clothes. Listen. Absorb. Apply.

If it doesn’t fit you perfectly, get it tailored IMMEDIATELY, or toss it.

We’re all guilty at one time or another of buying something that we convince ourselves that A) we’ll work out enough to “grow into” it, or wear it once we’ve lost weight enough to get to our ideal shape. Even if those things happen, you need to BUY CLOTHES FOR THE BODY YOU HAVE. PERIOD. PARAGRAPH.

If You Haven’t Worn It In Six Months, Lose It.

Chances are, if you haven’t worn something in half a year, there’s a reason for it. Even warm weather gear gets worn more often than that, so hanging onto something “just in case” is a stupid reason to have it take up space in your closet. Bye, Felicia.

If It’s Never Garnered A Compliment, Seriously Consider Eliminating It

You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Clothes are not only utilitarian and required by law. They should also make us feel good because they make us look good. Some people may still pretend to live in the world where they think looks don’t matter, but we all know that’s bullshit. Looks shouldn’t matter, but they do, so only keep stuff that make people turn their heads and warrant a “heyy…looking sharp” when you wear it to the office.

Now, we’re not urging you to become a minimalist, because those people are always annoying weirdos. We’re also not telling you to throw out every piece of clothing that doesn’t instantly get you laid, because that item of clothing doesn’t exist…unless you’re Zack Efron at a PTA meeting. We’re just asking that you be surgical and unemotional with your choices. This isn’t Sophie’s Choice…this is The Purge.

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