Nice Shorts on Sam Sweetmilk

Tiny perfect moments for your memory bank.

Laura Noema “You get the money when I get the ‘chorts, Noema!”

“Vikram?” I slurred, still a little hoohazzled, probably. “Why’re you using that voice?” I squinted at the little numbers on my phone.

02:17AM

“Crackers, it’s Monday.” Last I remembered, it was Tuesday.

Beat.

“How did you get this number?”

“The ‘chorts!”

The line went dead.

I already had projects going: Corcoran and Lau were waiting by the Ruin Follow collaboration room. Beckett was giving a strong side eye to the Absurdist submission warehouse. But a new assignment —to find the nicest shorts! — I could just put that other stuff on hold for a little while. I just needed someone who was willing to go to excessive, expensive lengths to set up a single joke.

Three hours of scouring Youtube naturally devolved into panicked, bleary scrolling. Which became erratic, compulsive, aggressive clicking. Which became sobs. Which became groping for a bottle. Through the bottom of the bottle, I glanced a tweet…

Who, or what, is a Sam Sweetmilk?

It’s an animated series about a towheaded narcissist gallivanting around the cosmos with his exasperated robot companion. Not much else has been revealed except the title character, Sam Sweetmilk, had his memories deleted one year prior to the series’ start.

The show has big gaps in releases — nearly two years between episodes. And what’s all this about lost footage? Just how difficult could it be to make an animation?

To get a hold of the show’s Writer-Director, Jason Lee Weight, and Concept Artist Toby Nicholas Clayton, I had to send my inquiries, along with a blood-brain tissue-urine sample via two nosferatic suits who showed up to my apartment at precisely dusk. Typical practice in the animation industry, they assured me. Should the “tests yield positive results” I would receive a parcel in the mail.

The ocular implants that seared holograms of Jason and Toby’s likenesses into my retinas seems heavy-handed, now that I think back on it. The program played, on continuous loop, entries from the show’s production blog, The Animation Process.

Watching it, I didn’t learn a single thing about animation. Not one thing. But I laughed. Which is the point. It’s the story behind the story that’s the most interesting.

Sado-Masochism

00:03:25

The first installment of the The Animation Process. Which is the process of the animation.

Jason’s Creative Processor

While working on various jobs to secure the initial funding for his show, the actual non-holo- Jason — Classic Jason wrote the second episode.

The ocular implant Jason’s recounting of the experience seemed to center primarily on ruthless alcohol consumption and auto-annihilation.

This new episode was written on tour with 3 Doors Down back when I was a roadie (which is the job I had to go away and do to pay everyone, I had a tour with Squeeze). The montage scene (animation montages are EXPENSIVE my god) was written on the tour bus at an Austrian festival in the middle of nowhere. I wrote it to ‘Sweet Georgia Brown’, on loop, and sadly I don’t think we can legally use the song. That night the guitarist and I drank a bottle of moonshine each, out of these beautiful glass bottles. We spent the night talking like red-eyed hobos, gasping and breathing heavily. The hangover lasted 3 days. 3 entire days. Near the end of it this guitarist, a 290lb ex-Air Force ex-Fireman rock musician, came to me complaining that he never thought he’d feel okay ever again. I don’t know why that’s all relevant.

At the time of this feature’s publication neither 3 Doors Down, nor Sweet Georgia Brown could be reached for comment.

Voice Acting

00:05:54

Jason tells us all about voice acting and vomit sounds.

From alcohol-fueled primordial dream goulash, to semi-conductive animation syrup, Sam Sweetmilk became A Thing.

As well as assembling a team of illustrators and animators through unrelenting unrelentedness, a sexy team of ace voice actors would need to be procured.

Kevin R. McNally (Downton Abbey) as the robot Ghostworth, Tricia Pierce (Bleach) as the heiress Vela, and Chris Betts (Hmmm, ergh, hmmm) bringing life to side characters. Jason himself is voicing Sam Sweetmilk until another voice actor can be downloaded.