There are not enough dog mascots. But every animal is at least a little bit dog. It’s time to rank them by how dog they are.

A few rules:

I looked at each one on Google and kept score of dogness.

A few of these mascots might have changed, but that’s too bad, because this is what I saw on Google.

Most real animals are more dog than most costumed mascots, unless the costumed animals are costumed dogs.

Cats don’t act like dogs.

I don’t like reptiles.

Here are the rankings:

Oregon’s “Puddles” The Duck Tulsa’s Goldie the retriever Tennessee’s Smokey the hound NIU’s huskies, including a statue (cute) Washington’s Dubs the Malamute (cute) UConn’s Jonathan the husky (cute) Texas A&M’s Reveille the important collie NC State’s Tamaskan (cute) Mississippi State’s Bully the bulldog Georgia’s Uga the bulldog Louisiana Tech’s Tech the bulldog Fresno State’s Victor E. Bulldog the bulldog Colorado’s Ralphie the bison on a leash (cute) LSU’s Mike the tiger (adorable) Cincinnati’s Lucy the bearcat (cute). There’s also a costumed bearcat who was once arrested for throwing snowballs (great) Nevada’s costumed wolf people Memphis’ TOM the tiger (sleepy) Arkansas State’s costumed red wolves New Mexico’s costumed wolves (terrible) Western Kentucky’s Big Red the Big Red (great) Stanford’s homemade trees (amazing) Syracuse’s Otto the orange (pretty good) Auburn’s Aubie the costumed tiger and his real eagle friends Minnesota’s Goldie the costumed gopher Navy’s Bill the goat (great) Arkansas’ Tusk the boar Colorado State’s CAM the ram (pretty good) Baylor’s Judges the bears North Carolina’s Rameses the ram Alabama’s costumed elephant (pretty good) Akron’s costumed kangaroo UCLA’s costumed bear Cal’s scary costumed bear (terrible) Oregon State’s costumed beaver, a friend/enemy of “Puddles” Miami’s Sebastian the ibis, who has a gun and was also kind of arrested during a game Wyoming’s Cowboy Joe the pony SMU’s Peruna the pony Oklahoma’s crazy horses who love to knock things over as a team (very dog behavior) Army’s mules Florida State’s Renegade, the horse who fell over Texas Tech’s horse Rutgers’ horse from Medieval Times (I used to eat turkey legs there, but then I became a pescatarian, but now I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat fish any more.) Virginia’s horse USC’s Traveler the horse UCF’s horse from Medieval Times Boise State’s costumed horse Western Michigan’s costumed horse (pretty good, also terrible) Ole Miss’ costumed shark Middle Tennessee’s costumed horse Wisconsin’s costumed badger Buffalo’s costumed bull Marshall’s costumed bison Utah State’s costumed bull USF’s costumed bull (terrible) South Carolina’s Sir Big Spur the chicken Air Force’s Falcon the falcon Georgia Southern’s Freedom the eagle Boston College’s Baldwin the eagle Temple’s Stella the owl (cute) FAU’s costumed burrowing owl (dogs also love burrowing) Tulane’s costumed pelican UTSA’s costumed roadrunner Georgia Tech’s costumed yellow jacket (pretty good) Virginia Tech’s costumed turkey (pretty funny) ULM’s costumed hawk with a plane (ridiculous) Iowa State’s costumed cardinal Bowling Green’s costumed falcon Kansas’ costumed “jayhawk” Iowa’s costumed hawk (pretty good) Kent State’s costumed eagle Coastal Carolina’s costumed chicken Southern Miss’ costumed eagle Eastern Michigan’s costumed eagle Utah’s costumed hawk Louisville’s costumed cardinal North Texas’ costumed eagle Miami (Ohio)’s costumed hawk Ball State’s costumed cardinal Rice’s costumed owl (terrible) Liberty’s costumed eagle (terrible) Old Dominion’s costumed lion with a crown Northwestern’s costumed wildcat (pretty good) Clemson’s costumed tiger Ohio’s costumed bobcat who fights more important mascots Kentucky’s costumed wildcat Washington State’s costumed cougar Houston’s costumed cougar who lost a fight to “Puddles” Arizona’s costumed wildcat South Alabama’s costumed jaguar Penn State’s costumed cougar FIU’s costumed panther Pitt’s costumed panther UAB’s costumed dragon (not a real dragon, but pretty good) Missouri’s costumed tiger Texas State’s costumed bobcat Georgia State’s costumed panther (terrible) BYU’s costumed cougar (terrible) Maryland’s costumed turtle (terrible x5) Florida’s costumed alligators TCU’s costumed horned frog Ohio State’s buckeye who lost a fight to Ohio’s bobcat Kansas State’s terrible wildcat (very terrible) Duke’s costumed devil Arizona State’s costumed devil Wake Forest’s costumed person who’s supposed to be a demon All the people/other mascots Michigan’s invisible wolverine Texas’ Bevo the longhorn, who attacked Uga the bulldog (mean x100)