Anyone who has been following what I write here (read: my mom and her Facebook friends) can probably guess that I am none too happy with how this year’s fall classic will play out. I put my faith behind the Blue Jays, but not even my article could keep them from watching the big series on television like the rest of us. Even worse, the organization that has been the bane of my existence for the majority of my life, the team that serves as an embarrassment to pinstripes, the New York Mets, will represent the National League.

I will say this once out of a desire for some sort of journalistic integrity: Congratulations to the New York Mets. It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen such dominance on a team and individual level as the Mets showed in the NLCS. That being said, there’s no question about which team has my allegiance for the rest of this season. Still, it seems appropriate to provide my viewing guide for any fan interested in watching. I’ll be breaking down some of the most important factors for each team and comparing them.

Hair: If the quality of the pitchers’ hair will in any way represent how the series will play out, this one will go down in history. Syndergaard, deGrom, and Cueto represent some of the best hair (not to mention pitching) that the league has to offer. Combined, they cover an excellent spectrum. Between Syndergaard’s blonde locks, deGrom’s ridiculous curled flow, and Cueto’s dreadlocks, this series will be worth watching solely based on looking at the heads of the pitchers.

RESULT: TIE

Uniforms: As much as I want to hate it, I’ve always had an appreciation for the Mets uniform. Orange is the greatest color in the world, and there is no better combination than when it is paired with blue. The Royals uniform, however, could not be more boring. The white and blue combo makes it almost seem like a default uniform the owner never got around to changing. What’s worse, their alternate uniform is just a different shade of blue.

RESULT: Mets

Mascot: This is a very important one for me. As a Phillies fan, I was raised watching the original mascot, the one who started it all: the Phillie Phanatic. Because of my luck growing up, I often forget how lame the other some of the other mascots are. Mr. Met reminds me. The Mets mascot is probably the most boring in all of sports. It’s just a regular person in a Mets uniform with a giant baseball head. Where’s the fun in that? A mascot should be funny looking, absurd, and something that will make me smile even when my team is losing, not a creepy looking man that seems out of a nightmare.

On the other hand, the Royals mascot, Sluggerrr, is one of the best in the game. He is a friendly lion with a crown built in with his head and a mane. He’s always smiling and meets my mascot requirements much better than his counterpart from New York. On top of this, Sluggerrr was recently cleared of any legal trouble after a hot dog he launched detached a retina in a fan’s eye. That kind of throwing power represents everything a mascot needs to have.

RESULT: Royals

Stadium: I’ll start with the name. One is named after a generous philanthropist (Kansas City’s Kauffman Stadium), the other is named after a giant, faceless corporation that was involved in the 2007 Global Financial Crisis (New York’s Citi Field… not my beautiful Citizens Bank Park, of course). Citi Field was host to the 2013 MLB All Star Game, one of the most boring in history, which ended 3-0. Kauffman Stadium held the 2012 All Star Game, which was a watchable 8-0 rout. In terms of gimmicks, Citi Field is home to a giant apple that pops up whenever the Mets hit a home-run. This is stupid, as is the nickname “the Big Apple,” because it makes no sense whatsoever. The Royals, on the other hand, have a waterworks display in their outfield, which is cool on so many levels. What they both share, however, is Phillies’ success. There’s an entire section of Citi FIeld called “Utley’s Corner” because the second baseman used to crush the ball there so often. In the 1980 World Series, Kauffman stadium was the site of a key Game 5 win for the Phillies that changed the momentum on the road to a Phillies’ championship.

RESULT: Royals

Overall, my completely unbiased look at these two teams leads to a clear win for Kansas City. That being said, from a baseball standpoint, it pains me to say that I think the Mets will take this one. The Mets’ rotation is too deep and the whole team is too hot to stop now. Daniel Murphy is hitting baseballs in a way I’ve never seen before, and Cespedes is too consistently good for them to lose. I hope KC proves me wrong, and even more, I hope it’s a good series.