Gordon Freeman had always loved big Black Mesa with its tired, tame tunnels. It was a place where he felt happy.

He was a smart, clever, coffee drinker with silent arms and beard feet. His friends saw him as a hushed, helpful hero. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a flipping scientist. That's the sort of man he was.

Gordon walked over to the window and reflected on his underground surroundings. The sun shone like running cockroaches.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Barney Calhoun. Barney was a thoughtful knight with orange suit arms and strong feet.

Gordon gulped. He was not prepared for Barney.

As Gordon stepped outside and Barney came closer, he could see the splendid glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a resolution," Barney bellowed, in a cowardly tone. He slammed his fist against Gordon's chest, with the force of 4253 bugs. "I frigging love you, Gordon Freeman."

Gordon looked back, even more angry and still fingering the strong crowbar. "Barney, I'll catch you later, I'll buy you a beer," he replied.

They looked at each other with confident feelings, like two real, round rats shooting at a very intelligent residence cascade, which had Industrial Electronica music playing in the background and two courageous uncles jumping to the beat.

Gordon regarded Barney's orange suit arms and strong feet. He held out his hand. "Let's not fight," he whispered, gently.

"Hmph," pondered Barney.

"Please?" begged Gordon with puppy dog eyes.

Barney looked surprised, his body blushing like a hot, helpful H.E.V. suit.

Then Barney came inside for a nice cup of coffee.

THE END