The answer is: You get back up…

When I signed up for this spot, I didn’t realize that it was almost the exact time last year when I had some not so encouraging news to announce: The Jade Temptress & the Future of Jeannie Lin

I’ve been thinking about this past year a lot as 2014 nears its close. Despite what might have sounded like bravado in that post, I was entering into a very uncertain period. I was dismayed to see after my announcement that publicly my story had become one of failure, albeit intrepid failure. I was in a tailspin of mehness and I-don’t-want-to-ness, but I still had books to write. So I tried very hard to reboot myself, to re-align the circuits, and to put my hands on the keyboard.

Many of my author buddies seem to be asking themselves those soul-searching questions right now. Or maybe it was always the case. The zeitgeist of the times is that we have SO many options. We can succeed on our own. But the flipside of that is that if we’re not succeeding, well, if we’re not wowing the readers and raking in the royalties, then what the heck are we doing wrong?

So I tried to boil things down to the things I know to be true:

You must write the next book.

The only career killer is the one that makes you stop.

I hate to say it was as easy as that, but in retrospect it was as easy as that. I had finished Gunpowder Alchemy. I owed another book to Harlequin and the words were coming like molasses in winter. At 1 am one night, I lamented to a writer buddy — yes, I stay up until 1am lamenting things — that I didn’t want to write this book. I couldn’t sleep, but I couldn’t write this book. Nothing I did could make it happen.

I confessed that there was another story I’d had in my head for a while, but it didn’t fit what Jeannie Lin did. So I opened a document that night and I started typing…

Lo and behold, “Not Jeannie” still had words in her! Not Jeannie could write with none of the fear that was bogging Jeannie down. She had no existing readers. She had no contract. This was her shiny first book. The story became the only one I wanted to write. After two weeks of late nights, the rough draft of the first part of it was done. And for the first time in a long time–I felt good.

I had been trying to research self-publishing for a while. Even being someone who is technically savvy, it was a daunting prospect with a lot of moving pieces. It felt like you could study and ask questions forever and yet never be ready to go.

I remembered one time in Vegas when I was standing by the craps table, and overwhelmed by all the different bets and rolls and rules. One of the gamblers saw the bewildered look on my face so he told me how he had tried to ask his friend to teach him how to play. The guy told him to just put a chip down on the line, and pick up the dice. It would suddenly all become clear. So I put a chip down and, sure enough, several hours later, I knew how to play.

(Public service message: I do not recommend picking up craps as a hobby. It’s the fastest, most fun you’ll have losing your shirt on the casino floor. The only way to win in Vegas is to stick to the buffet and a spa visit)

The gambling analogy is an apt one for indie publishing. I knew this was how I learned, so I did the same thing when jumping into putting out my own work. I put my money on the line and committed. And I started to learn. I’m still learning every minute.

The empowering part was that I was writing. And I was looking forward to writing. And I didn’t have to worry about this book “failing”, because my definition of failure wouldn’t be based on how it did in the first month after release. It was mine for-evah!

I originally had a schedule that had me releasing the entire saga by February 2015, but unexpectedly found myself ready by October 2014. And the other two contracted books I had scheduled to write this year were now done as well. I could breathe again. Only six months earlier, I had been lost. I had taken an emotional hit, and I was asking myself every day, “What are you going to do when you’re down?” For the longest time, I just didn’t know the answer.

A few weekends ago, my partner-in-crime Shawntelle Madison sat with me while I swore at my laptop and learned how to format a print book. After it was done, she looked at me and said, “You told me you were going to do this. And now you did it.”

When I was able to see this project from start to finish, stumbling along the way, it was like I was finding the answer to my own question. The answer is you get back up.

You get back up.

In the end, this is not a story of runaway indie-publishing success. Or of screw the publishers, I’ll take my toys elsewhere. It’s just a story of a writer writing that next book. I found out that the one thing that makes me feel better about writing is…writing.

That was a good lesson for me to learn.

So I feel good right now. And I’m still swinging hard.

***

“Not Jeannie” is Liliana Lee. Her erotic serial, Princess Shanyin, is based on a true imperial princess who kept a harem of thirty handsome male concubines. The complete saga box set with books 1-3 released…*checks watch*…a day ago. *g*

Book 1: The Obsession, is available for FREE at all the usual suspects. You can check it out if you’re curious: Amazon | B&N |All Romance eBooks | Kobo | iTunes

I don’t like to ever apologize for the sex, so yeah…there’s sex in there.

As the year rolls toward its end, what did you accomplish this year, big or small, that gave you a pick me up? When did you last throw caution to the wind to do something for yourself? Oh crap, it’s December. Do you have any awesome “great for anyone” gift suggestions that I can buy as emergency gifts?