As an ethical statement, I eat only meat.

Plants are the most innocent form of life on this planet. They don’t fight, they don’t hurt, they don’t pollute or anything of the sort. Yet we eat them. Billions of plants, and that’s not an exaggeration, billions of them are uprooted and consumed every week in America alone.

Potatoes, carrots, those are the roots of plants that never raised a finger against us. Their life’s blood they can’t live without them. They had no defense against us. Often, they’re “Harvested” (Read: Slaughtered) and the rest of the plant is simply thrown away to compost, to make fertilizer so that other plants can be raised on the nutrients of their dead elders. Nuts, berries, fruits: These are the plants genitals. Their seeds. Plant abortions, that’s what you’re eating when you eat nuts. Plant balls and uteruses when you eat fruit.

Some “Vegetables” aren’t even recognizable to us as plants:

Say hello to mechanically separated spinach. It’s what all fruit and vegetable drinks are made from- Things like V8 and OJ. Also, the processed frozen vegetables in stores are made from it. Basically, the entire tree is smashed and pressed through a sieve—leaves, stalks, roots and all. It comes out looking like this. And if that festival of horrors isn’t enough for you, take a look at the science of health:

Humans are not meant to eat plant matter. Did you know apples contain cyanide? We can’t even eat an apple tree, only a tiny part of a tiny part of it. We have canine teeth, we are carnivores. If we were meant to eat plants at all our appendixes would be fully functional organs and not the appendectomy fodder they exist as for us. Studies show that plant diets prove fatal within years. Ever see an elderly vegetarian? No, because there aren’t any. You can’t live past 20 by butchering God’s most vulnerable. It’s like drinking the blood of a Unicorn, you live a half life ever after.

So I focus on eating the beasts that Science and Religion agree are best for me: Animals that have no life. Chickens that would only spend their lives in tiny cages, cows that would be naturally crammed into high density feed lots, pigs that would spend life wading through their own feces. It’s the cruelty of nature that most animals would live miserable lives in factory settings, and it’s the kindness of man alone that can kill them quick and spare them these lives.

Just look at veal and foie gras: Baby deer and ducks are tied down so as never to have to walk a step. They’re force fed by the ton so they never have to go hungry or scrounge for food. And nature’s sense of justice rewards us by making their meat delicious and tender. How can anyone question the poetry of the circle of life?

MEAT IS MERCY!