You should pledge to me because I'm the best filmmaker who's ever existed.



I hardly even do it with a crew, that's how good I am. My scripts are flawless in literally every way. I do everything myself, because nobody can do a better job at anything than me. Even when I started, my content was perfect. There were criticisms, but they were all wrong.



The fastest way to go up in this business is believe whole-heartedly that everybody is a moron except for you, and I knew that already. I have a degree now. Anyone who doesn't have at least a degree is the scum of the earth and should be beheaded.



It should be done publicly on one of YouTube's LA stages, one after another. I know I'm just in the gate, but you can close it now. Fuck the rest of them, they had their chance.



I'd be spitting on them through the gate for taking that one semester off to see the world and constantly Instagram their food instead of dedicating their time to the wonderful and intoxicating system of education, where it belongs.



I am one of the glorious master race of university graduates; tall, muscular -- leg day certainly wasn't skipped -- bronzed skin slightly glazed with sweat and oil, and long, luxurious manes of blonde, perfect hair, flipping around as we mate with equally immaculate female specimens, degrees in hand, and produce offspring that will pave the way forward to interplanetary colonization.



Everyone without degrees will be left on Earth. Rather than finance destroying the planet, we'll simply leave the dead weight to die. None of them will have a clue what to do because they're all retarded. Governments and economies would come to a grinding halt, and they'd all run off into their houses, starve, beat off, shit their pants and die.



I am the way forward. Through the power of cinema, I will show you all the way. If you don't pledge anything for my sake, please do so for that of all the talented Hollywood filmmakers out there who will learn so much from viewing my quite literally flawless content, and may finally learn to build the tools they need to finally tap into their true potential as a direct result.



Here's the deal -- if I don't get $600,000 by the end of the month, a bunch of guys from a crowd I shouldn't have got mixed up with are saying they're gonna break my legs. Let's leave it at that -- don't worry about it.



I won't be satisfied until I'm getting paid a hundred million dollars to sit in my director's chair with a latte in a small, green box every day, shouting angrily at my actor to deliver his lines to the appropriate blinking LED.



I don't want to sound like a dick, but I think I might actually be the greatest human being who ever lived.