By now, most of you are familiar with the crazy baby-care instructions that I left my poor (forgiving) in-laws the first time they came to care for our (then) 1 year old daughter. That post outlined what I imagine was going through their heads as they read my insanely detailed (6 page) note.

This post once again involves my in-laws, but mostly involves me and some poor, confused shop owner in Weatherford, Texas. It outlines what I know was going through my head as I had a lengthy (about 2 hour) text conversation with someone I thought was my father-in-law.



It all started innocently enough. My husband’s parents were coming for a visit and stopped in Weatherford, Texas on their drive from Arizona to Austin. That’s when the confusion began….when I received this text from my father-in-law (or so I thought).

Okay, nothing out of the ordinary so far. My MIL is incredibly thoughtful and I can see her seeing these and wanting to buy them them for us…..and I can also see my FIL throwing in a sarcastic ‘wonderful‘ after being asked to text us a picture of some pumpkins on a school bus seat.

Oh dear…he’s referring to her as “my mother in law”.

Are they fighting?

Are we fighting?

It must be because I didn’t reply to this text for over an hour while I was at the doctor’s office for yet another one of my daughter’s crazy injuries.

Okay, best to say we didn’t want the pumpkins since they’re probably an hour out of town already due to my delayed response. And seriously, you do not want to see what happens to a pumpkin on a hot day in Texas. (And for the love of god, never, ever carve a pumpkin until 5pm on October 31st unless you want a serious science experiment on your hands.)

Well, those ARE wonderful artificial pumpkins because I totally thought they were real. And my father in law is either in a very silly mood or had a couple drinks with lunch...”I only deal in top quality items”?????

Ha Ha Ha….Get it….because the pumpkins were sitting on a school bus seat???? Haaa…..

(silence)

Okay, now things are getting a little weird. My FIL is supportive and all, but usually not in a texting kind of way.

Not sure of her number? Okay, without Siri’s help I don’t know my husband’s number either, but aren’t you kinda standing next to her right now?

And why did I have to call her when I’m texting you?

Are you guys not speaking to each other?

Did you abandon her on the pumpkin school bus?

Do I need to….

……ohhhh wait a minute…

My apologies to that poor, confused shop owner.

And if you’re ever in Weatherford, TX…the pumpkins really are wonderful.

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Once upon a time, Susanne Kerns was a Senior Account Director at an advertising agency working for two of the top brands in the world. Nine years ago she traded in her corporate life for a life as a stay at home mom, raising two of the best kids in the world. She started her blog, The Dusty Parachute as a way to dust off her online advertising skills and begin her job search. Instead, she now uses it as a way to spend lots of time on the computer so her kids think that mommy has a job.

Susanne’s essays have been featured in Scary Mommy, BonBon Break and Redbook and she is also a contributor in the books, It’s Really 10 Months, Special Delivery and Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder Woe & WTF?!

You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.