Castro’s Campaign Fails As Democrats Realize His First Name Isn’t Fidel

U.S.—Julian Castro was forced to pull out of the Democratic primaries after Democrats suddenly realized his first name wasn't Fidel.

Many Dems had thrown their support behind Castro, excited that the legendary human rights activist and Commie was running for president. They were much less enthused to learn it was actually Julian Castro who was running, a guy they'd never heard of, and presumably not quite as far left as Fidel.

"Castro seemed to be running on the star power of his last name alone," said one commentator. "Faking Democrats into believing you're a Communist dictator can jumpstart a campaign, but it just isn't enough to carry you over the finish line. As soon as Democrats realize you're not the guy who brought Cuba into its golden age of being a communist utopia, they're going to move onto another candidate."

"Hey, wait a minute -- that's not Fidel!" yelled one man at a rally as Julian Castro came out to give a speech. "Get him!" Castro tried to calm the crowd down by telling them his socialist policies were "pretty close" to those that destroyed Cuba, but the damage was done, and the jig was up.

A case of mistaken identity also sunk another campaign earlier this year, as New York politician Bob Stalin rode a wave of early popularity but was forced to drop out as people realized he wasn't that Stalin.

While the fact that he wasn't Fidel Castro hurt him, pundits believe he was lacking another key component of a successful campaign: people actually being aware that you're running for president.

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