‘Tis I! Wells The Grey of Earth-13, hark all ye who read this magical parchment for which I now decree upon! I asketh what is this witchery you deem blogging? Sorcery mead you surely have imbibed. A pox on ye! For on my earthly home, our Ciscos wear not a cloth upon their furry feet, and doth not indulge in such self-aggrandizing of their fellowships and adventures! A humble folk, they are. Ergo, I shall save the soul of your Cisco and make my own proclamations to you and your kind.

‘Twas a fortnight ago, when across land and sea, slung from the bowels of the darkest valley of Devil’s Mountain, where phantoms themselves fear to tread, a message soared through the cosmos by way of griffin! Loyal, but pungent creatures! The letter, clasped in her jaws, was verily forged upon a sheath of dragon skin. I deciphered the ancient elvish-language, illuminated from the flames of my hearth and saw ‘twas scripted merely a child’s rambling wish list of treasures and keepsakes addressed to the demon-elf Claus of the North! An enchanting being, who’s curse is he giveth too much! Always giving and giving away all his possessions, so charitable! Yet I doth deem him foolish! He leaves himself with nothing! He’s always visiting my mystic cave, blubbering, “Oh Wells The Grey! Why can’t I have such a cave?” Because you giveth too much! For what? Cakes? Cookies? Nog? You must diversify! If only everyone could matriculate at the Wizarding School of Business & Necromancy as I did. Ah, poor Claus! Aye, poorer Wells, the message ‘twas no for thee!

Zounds! Wherewith my mind! Verily, I received a second pronouncement by way of hippogriff! The legendary Fellowship of The Wellsian Minds contacted me for my mastery of alchemy and sciences! The fellowship summoned us for an epic quest of all times future and past. Alas, the pits of Devil’s Mountain erupted sending lightning across the sky, severing our connection. Yet, I’m here now! But it seems the fellowship has been disbanded. Oh, the sorrow of my heart to let down my brethren.

Hark! My ears doth not deceive. Your hairless footed Cisco approaches! I must vanish, back to my home, where I will sleep for many moons until the armies of the east appear at Devil’s Mountain! Oh, and my muses remind me I have lute practice at dusk! But to ensure this word is bond and is seen by all– a simple incantation, a spell of permanence upon this parchment. Farewell my friends! Forget not our times together!

…Um. Cisco here. I’m really sorry everyone. Seems a rejected member of the Council of Wells got loose on our Earth and hijacked my blog. Clearly, I need a better password. He seems to have encrypted everything with a complex virus – definitely NOT a spell – so I can’t delete what he wrote. I’ve had enough Wells for one week, we’ll return to our regular scheduled programming next week.