What do women want from men? Oh, not much. Adoration, eternal loyalty, and all the bathroom surfaces to ourselves. Time, babies and the moon on a string. The list could go on forever, and there are probably as many different answers as there are women. But, after scrutinising the opposite sex for an observation period lasting my entire adult life, and consulting with members of my distinguished coven, I have drawn up this list of friendly hints under the working title "George, Don't Do That: but please do this, and this and this".

Click on the image to the right to launch our guide to the ten best ways for a man to impress a woman.