You're at a party or family get-together where there are new partners, and you meet someone new who seems a little different from yourself.

You're curious about their cultural background, and are tempted to ask: "Where are you from?"

Sound familiar?

While you might not hesitate to ask the question, because you mean well, asking where someone is from (or worse, where they're "really from") is both loaded and personal.

Space to play or pause, M to mute, left and right arrows to seek, up and down arrows for volume. Watch Duration: 4 minutes 35 seconds 4 m 35 s A conversation about race and identity in Australia ( By Matt Garrow and Osman Faruqi )

It's a query with deeper implications about how we perceive race, identity and nationality in a country where half the population was either born overseas or has migrant parents.

It's also a question that people of colour, and anyone with an accent, is likely to be asked often.

Four Australians share their thoughts on navigating this delicate subject, from whether the question can be tackled differently to whether we should be asking it at all.

Here's their advice.

What are your preferences when it comes to being asked where you're from? Share your thoughts and advice by emailing life@abc.net.au.

Take a moment to reflect before asking

Soumia Bella grew up in Sydney's Bondi and says she's asked where she's from at least three times a week — and more frequently when she's socialising with new people.

While the radio producer knows that people are curious by nature, she says the question has an impact on the person being asked.

"It's just that when you ask someone that, you're prioritising your curiosity over someone else's feelings," Soumia says.

For Soumia Bella of Sydney, the question of 'where are you from?' is often the first thing she is asked by people she meets. ( Supplied/ABC Life: Luke Tribe )

"When I was a kid it used to make me feel embarrassed and singled out. Now it makes me pretty frustrated, like I'm being asked to explain my existence."

It's a similar situation for writer and art curator Sabina McKenna.

She's often asked about her family roots in professional situations, and finds it difficult to avoid answering the question.

Her advice?

"Reflect on who you are asking, and why you need to know the information … would you ask your white mate?" the 26-year-old Melbournite says.

"It's not like we're rare unicorns that are nowhere; there are people of colour everywhere."

The question inspired Sabina to curate an ongoing art project called Where Are You From? which compares how other young Australians of mixed-heritage feel about this question.

"I sought out other mixed-raced people and wanted to match my experiences of the encounter with that question with theirs," she says.

"[But] every single story is different. Every single cultural background they talk about is different. And that's the point: brownness isn't one and the same."

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Sabina McKenna of Melbourne often gets asked about her cultural heritage during work situations where it's difficult to refuse answering the question. ( Supplied/ABC Life: Luke Tribe )

But if you really want to ask, here's how to approach the question more appropriately

Perth-born Emmelyn Wu is the co-creator of The ABC Issue, which stands for Asians Between Cultures.

It's a website that tells the stories of Asian people who have grown up in western societies including Australia, New Zealand, UK, Canada and the USA.

She says many of the site's contributors — currently most of the stories are by Australians — have written about questioning their cultural identity because of growing up with queries like "Where are you 'really' from?"

"It kind of implies that you're not really from Australia, so you're not 100 per cent Australian," she says.

When asked the question, Emmelyn often reinforces her answer with, "I'm Australian but my parents are from Singapore."

"I always knew that there would be a follow-up question, and just to make it more efficient I would back it up with this," she says.

If you want to ask somebody about their family background, here are some pointers:

Get to know the person before you ask "In doing that you might find out that you have more things in common than you thought," Emmelyn says. "When it's the first thing someone asks you, it's the worst," Soumia says.

Wait for the topic to surface organically Sabina suggests allowing the person to volunteer the information about their cultural background without you asking. "If [it was] somebody I knew or talked to a couple of times … it would be much easier to share that information as opposed to the off-the-bat 'Hey, where are you from?'" she says.

Watch your wording Being specific helps the person you're asking understand exactly what you mean. Plus, asking where someone is from comes with baggage. Instead try "What is your cultural background?" or "What is your family's heritage?" "That way you're not implying that somebody doesn't belong in the country," says Emmelyn.

Accept the answer you're given and move on if the question is unwelcome Pay attention to what the person is telling you, taking into account their body language, too. While their answer might not be what you were hoping for, you'll be respecting their wishes and their privacy. "If you do ask where someone is from and they reply with 'Australia' — take that as a cue that they don't want to say more," says Soumia.

Saba Nabi says she is asked about her cultural background more often in metropolitan Sydney than in the regional town of Wagga Wagga where she lives. ( Supplied/ABC Life: Luke Tribe )

And what to steer clear of completely...

Avoid the verbal guessing game Trying to figure out someone's ethnicity based on their appearance or showing off your foreign language skills before you've even been introduced might be fun for you, but not for the other person. "It's like 'pick the migrant'. It's really offensive," Sabina says.

Don't assume the person will know or is related to somebody else who is of the same ethnicity This applies for people from the same country or of the same complexion. Sabina says she gets this a lot and equates the experience to "where you're just kind of categorised as a brown [person] that might know another brown [person]".

Avoid focusing on the person's physical appearance There have been times when strangers have touched Soumia's skin without asking, and followed up with questions about how she got her complexion. "With women it's usually a comment on my skin colour; that it's a shade of brown they want or wish they could have. With men it's usually more of a 'you look so exotic' vibe." "It made me feel like an animal pelt hung up on the wall."

Avoid negative talking points about the country where the person is 'really' from Saba Nabi of Wagga Wagga suggests chatting about the positive aspects of family life, language, culture, fashion or even the pop culture of that nation. "If I'm travelling with my daughter you can ask, 'Do you still teach your own dialect or language?'" she gives as an example. This is better than focusing on topics such as comparing living standards between countries or culture shock, says Saba.

Understand that each person will react differently to the question

Seven years ago Saba, along with her husband and daughter, moved from India to regional Australia so she could undertake her PhD in biomedical science.

In October they were granted their Australian citizenships.

Saba tells anyone who asks that her family is from Wagga Wagga in regional New South Wales, and feels offended if they're dissatisfied with her answer.

"The moment I arrived in Australia I made a point to say that. Although this is my second home … I'm living here and I'm earning my bread and butter from this place; so this is my place," she says.

For Sabina "it's a question that has never really made me feel good," she says.

"I feel like when you ask someone that question, it comes from a lot of internalised racism, and you're entitled to this information about a stranger," she says.

She says the follow-up remarks she receives also take on a different meaning as she enters young adulthood.

"It begins to be this thing of 'Oh, you're so beautiful, you're a beautiful mix, or you're exotic' … it's this other layer of objectification that comes."

Meanwhile Emmelyn isn't personally offended by the question, but feels it may affect others in the same situation.

However, she says it's important to avoid making family heritage a taboo subject.

"For me, I find it as an opportunity to try and share my cultural heritage with other people."

Her own response has changed over time to reflect how she feels about her identity, particularly after she returned from a recent study trip to China.