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The issue at hand is not veganism; it's billboard veganism in 2016. No one cares anymore. It's mainstream. If you don't want a burger, just say you don't want a burger. Don't add the laundry list of proteins you're willing to eat as a vegan, and for the love of Pete, never explain why you're a vegan, unless you want me to explain why it takes me a half hour to get out of the bathroom sometimes. Don't see how they're related? Doesn't matter. They aren't; that's the point. It's useless info you don't want or need. Just like veganism in the modern era.

Sadly, some people are still so far up their own asses about being vegan that it's not enough that they just eat veggies. They make you go to vegan restaurants with them. This is pretty close to waterboarding on the list of intolerable awfulness to inflict on another person. Aside from certain steakhouses in the South, nearly every restaurant in the world has a number of vegan options on the menu, and are also willing to accommodate a customer by altering many other menu items.

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We call this a "Texas salad."

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The idea of a vegan restaurant is becoming prehistoric. What they really want you to do is not eat what you want. Why is a normal restaurant willing to make a vegan dish for a customer, while a vegan restaurant refuses to add meatballs to my meal? It's that smugness. That conformity. It's their way of quietly saying, "I'm in charge of things here now, and you're going to do what I want." Does this attitude stem from many years of being made fun of? Probably. A lot of vegans who are vocal about it have a real chip on their shoulder. A kale chip that is gross and not desirable. But the time has come to just accept that no one gives a shit anymore if you're eating seaweed-encrusted portobello mushroom burgers. Woopity fuckin' doo.