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“This one has the three-wheeled car from Mr Bean in it,” she said.

“And the son of the magpie that was in Blackadder, the one where they were in a war or something. You’ll love it. It’s not like the other ones you’re thinking of.”

The Green Tree Murders is the latest television series to captivate local audiences in Diamantina. It launched yesterday on Regional Queensland’s favourite streaming service, Give Us A Real NBN You Fucking Pig Headed Brisbane Fuck Bags.

And one person who’s already hooked on it is Diane Kane, who told The Advocate today via telephone that she’s already put the hard sell on her live-in boyfriend.

The housebound architect said she told Dhani Goldman, her boyfriend of four years, that Green Tree Murders wasn’t like A Touch Of Frost or Midsommer Murders. Both of which he hates for being too derivative and unimaginative.

“To be honest, it is very different to those,”

“Spoiler alert! To not read if you haven’t seen the show yet! It’s different because Green Tree is about a deaf magpie that lives in a green tree but by night, kills people in various ways to make it look like an accident,”

“The detective who works to find the magpie can speak to birds. He cannot speak to other animals. The other detectives think this bird-speaking detective is losing his mind and are actively trying to get him sectioned in a mental health facility because all he does is speak to birds and drive around in his squad car listening to David Gilmour-era Pink Floyd while he broods,”

“See, at least it’s a fresh concept.”

It was then Dhani’s turn to speak on the phone and Diane passed it over to him.

He said Diane puts a show on to watch – then immediately looks at her phone the entire time and misses nearly 90% of it.

Dhani then said he had to hang up.

More to come.





