Author's Notes:

This is an AU fic. I will follow canon very loosely, and will ignore basically everything revealed post-timeskip. Enjoy, and if you like it (or hate it), reviews are appreciated!

(Also, don't worry, Naruto will get less dumb as time goes on.)

~o~O~o~O~o~

There is a story told in a certain village, in a certain time, about a nine-tailed demon fox:

Once, there appeared a nine-tailed demon fox.

One swing of its tail could crumble mountains and cause tsunamis.

To fight the demon, the people assembled the Shinobi.

One brave Shinobi was able to seal up the demon, but he lost his life.

That Shinobi was called the 4th Hokage.

There is another story, however. A truer story, though not perhaps the truth. This story is rarely told, for it holds a secret.

Better that the people fear the demon fox for its might, as they fear the Shinobi for their might.

Once, there appeared a nine-tailed demon fox.

One swing of its tail could topple houses and scatter men like leaves.

But each of these tails held a greater power.

In each there dwelled a dark and malevolent intelligence.

In each there lay a mind, as far above man's as man's above an ape.

And these dark intelligences conferred, and plotted, and schemed.

And to stand against the Kyuubi in battle was certain death.

For the Kyuubi would not be there if victory were not assured.

Many Shinobi came together and conferred, and plotted, and schemed.

One among them was more clever, more devious than the rest.

None knew his name, for he hid among them in plain sight.

Once, and only once, was the Kyuubi defeated, through means unknown.

The blade that struck him down was called the 4th Hokage.

And he paid for victory with his own life, and with his son's joy.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto collapsed in exhaustion. The forest floor was wet where it pressed against his face, cool but not cold. There was a gentle breeze on the night air. It might have felt nice, if there were a single part of his body that didn't hurt.

This Shadow Clone technique was going to kill him. Honestly, what was he doing out here? He couldn't even manage the normal Clone jutsu. What made him think he was going to teach himself a forbidden B-rank technique in a few hours? Maybe he should go back, and...

Naruto's thoughts trailed off there. It wasn't like he had anything to go back to. He didn't even have a future as a ninja, not unless he managed to pull something off tonight. Slowly, his face hardened. He pushed himself up, sitting cross-legged in front of the scroll that was giving him so much trouble, staring at it in irritation.

The scroll, barely legible in the moonlight, seemed to stare back. Naruto blinked first, rubbing the back of his head and grimmacing.

It made no sense, but honestly this Shadow Clone thing seemed easier to him than the normal Clone jutsu. The seals were the same, but it felt...different, somehow. Whenever he did the Clone jutsu - or any jutsu, really, but especially the Clone - something around the area of his stomach would start to feel really, really wrong. He would push, and it would get worse, and he'd push harder, and his chakra would start wavering erratically, and then...well, at least being laughed at was better then not existing.

The Shadow Clone didn't feel that way, though. It was hard, but it was hard the way running a marathon was hard, not the way running a hundred meters on a broken leg was hard.

Still, it was beating the shit out of him. The technique started by gathering a frankly ridiculous quantity of chakra, and whenever he messed up and lost control that chakra would run wild through his body. It was like being touched by a live wire everywhere at once. His muscles would spasm, slamming him into the ground, or a tree, or himself until he was bruised all over. Worse, his chakra pathways hurt. He hadn't even known they could hurt until tonight. It was scary, actually. What if he was doing permanent damage?

Naruto shook his head like a wet dog. It didn't matter. If what Mizuki had told him was true, he needed to impress Iruka-sensei tonight, with real results, or else...

Naruto shook his head again, harder. That didn't matter either. The wounds didn't matter, the future didn't matter, all that mattered was the scroll in front of him. Sighing, he moved closer, squinting at chakra diagrams in the bad light, looking for his mistake.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Something felt right this time. Something felt RIGHT this time! The wrongness in his stomach was there now, just barely, like a fly buzzing around his head. It wasn't getting in the way. Naruto could feel his body, his chakra, even his mind splitting in two.

And also...something else? The technique was trying to split something else deep inside him, and whatever it was didn't like being split one bit. He felt - felt, not heard - a howl of rage in the back of his mind. His teeth vibrated as pure, raw anger poured through him, and he fell to the ground, clutching his head.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto woke up, groggy, feeling his head with a bruised hand. It didn't tell him much, except that both his head and his hand hurt.

Well, OK, I guess I'm not trying that again.

Oh, I don't know. I think it might go better the second time.

Naruto would have jumped if he had been standing up. As it was, he just spasmed on the ground like a dying bug. WHAT WAS THAT IN HIS HEAD OH GOD...

Calm down, meat. I've always been here.

What...who are you?

Well, you could say I'm an unwilling prisoner, and you an unwilling jailer. Funny how that works out, isn't it?

That didn't answer my question, you know! I don't know who you are, or what happened, or much of anything really, but if you don't get out of my head right now I'm going to kick your ass!

Naruto felt - once again felt, rather than heard - a rumbling laugh in the back of his mind, from somewhere deep and wet and dark.

I had forgotten how funny you wet slabs of meat are to talk to. You're welcome to try, human. Just come down and have a go at me!

Suddenly, it was like a trapdoor had fallen out from under him, and Naruto fell down, down, down into the depths of his own mind.

Shit.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Three walls of blackened stone, scarred with wide gashes. One enormous gate with tall steel bars as wide around as a man's waist, and a lock the size of a safe. On top of the keyhole, keeping the whole thing shut, a tiny wisp of paper with a few seals scrawled on it in an unfamiliar hand. Behind it, the Kyuubi in all his terrible power.

If Naruto hadn't been some sort of trippy egoscopic projection of himself at the moment, he would have shit his pants.

The Kyuubi slammed a paw into the door of his prison, claws bigger than Naruto protruding menacingly from between the bars. The tiny piece of paper holding the whole thing together fluttered distressingly in the wind, and Naruto fell back onto the floor in fear.

"Well? Here I am, meat. Come and...what was the colorful term you used...'kick my ass', then."

Naruto opened his mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again.

"You don't scare me, whatever you are! And I'm not dumb enough to fall for your tricks! You can just sit in that cage and rot forever, so nyah!"

Naruto punctuated this by sticking out his tongue and pulling on his face. His hands were shaking, though, so it didn't quite have the intended effect.

The Kyuubi laughed again, longer than before. Down here Naruto could actually hear it, and the beast's laughter boomed off the walls like a wet rockslide.

Suddenly, Naruto wanted to be anywhere but where he was. To his surprise, he felt himself fading away and up. Shortly thereafter, he was lying on the grass in the forest again. It still felt like there was a trapdoor...under him? He didn't really have words for directions in his mind. But now he had his metaphorical legs splayed over it, and he didn't think he'd fall down unless he decided to, or maybe if he received a particularly nasty shock.

Now, listen carefully, meat. Our fates are tied together, for a time, and so there are a few things you need to know. I am well-versed in the manifold weaknesses of your species, and in particular your abysmal memories, but try as hard as you can not to make me repeat myself. It is a...frustrating experience.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto sat on the forest floor, idly snapping twigs. It was a bad habit for a ninja, but if Naruto cared about things like that he probably wouldn't wear a bright orange jumpsuit.

The Kyuubi had explained a great many things to him. The war, the beast's sealing, and their shared fate. Not that it made much sense.

I still don't get it, Kyu. If you die when I die, why aren't I dead? I mean, I'm not exactly Konoha's number one most-loved celebrity, right?

If the Kyuubi was annoyed by his new nickname, he didn't say anything.

It is...difficult to explain to one without knowledge of sealcraft. Suffice it to say that if you were slain in cold blood by a fellow member of the Leaf, I would be set free. That sort of calculated murder of the innocent requires humans to indulge their more demonic nature, and the act would resonate with my own being, shattering my prison. If, on the other hand, you were to die tragically, fighting the enemy, my own existence would fade away with yours. With other situations, it is hard to say, but I certainly don't wish to conduct the experiment.

Naruto was having trouble adjusting to the way the fox talked. It was polite, almost aristocratic, until it suddenly wasn't. Then it was all "meatbag" this and "fleshsack" that, mixed with some very disparaging comments about Naruto's unknown mother. Did all demons talk that way?

So, you'll like, lend me your power then? If I had your chakra, I could really tear things up! They'd have to make me Hokage!

As much as I would enjoy being set free by the subsequent assassination, that isn't really in the cards right now. The 4th was quite serious when he put me away; my chakra is bottled up inside you, with no way out. And I mean NO way out. The seals are so aggressive that they probably interfere with YOUR chakra flow too. Not that I can fault his diligence; I would have done the same in his place.

Naruto's hopes were crushed for the second time that day. Apparently the Kyuubi could percieve more than just his conscious thoughts, however, because it responded.

Don't give up hope just yet, meat. I didn't say I couldn't help you. My chakra simply can't leave your body. I can use it to heal your wounds, however, as I have for most of your life. And there are a few - very few, but a few - techniques that don't require emitting chakra. Furthermore, by some quirk of fate, you have just mastered one of them.

Understanding dawned on Naruto slowly, but when it did he broke out into a huge grin. A second afterward he grew thoughtful, though.

Wait...the first time I tried that it hurt like hell, and then you woke up. Why should the second time be different?

I didn't 'wake up', meatling. You simply were not aware of me until now, which prevented us from conversing. The mind cannot interact with something it is unaware of - it's the same principle behind dispelling Genjutsu, actually.

Naruto wrinkled his forehead trying to understand the reference. He couldn't even get a clone right; Genjutsu was as far beyond him as rocket science.

It's not important. When you first tried to split yourself in two, you tried to split ME as well, which you were clearly not powerful enough to do. The resulting backlash made you aware of my presence, and here we are. Indeed, it is such a happy accident that I cannot help but wonder if someone planned it. And, indeed, I can think of one...snake in the grass, shall we say, who might be responsible.

Naruto didn't quite get it, but hey. If the fox said it would work, he'd give it another try.

Just be careful not to try and split me again. Now that you know I'm here, you should be able to avoid my core during the procedure.

Naruto nodded to the empty air and made the clone seal. Like the fox had said, the wrongness in his stomach didn't seem to interfere as long as he kept his chakra within his body. Slowly, he felt himself starting to split, but he didn't pay much attention to the sensation as he was busy trying to keep the blue chakra lines from touching the red ones...

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto stared at Naruto. It was a strange feeling. At least he had the knowledge of who the primary was imprinted on both of his minds - it would be an existentially terrifying technique without that little feature. (Actually, it was an existentially terrifying technique anyway, but Naruto promptly resolved never to think about that again.)

Although, in his particular case, it wasn't so important - the Kyuubi stayed with the primary, which was hard to miss.

Excellent. You aren't quite as incompetent as you look once that seal isn't interfering. Now, it's time we had our first serious discussion. In case you couldn't figure it out, Mizuki is using you to steal these forbidden techniques. He plans to murder you and escape with the scroll, making it look like you absconded with it to become a 12-year-old missing-nin. It is an amateur scheme by an amateur schemer, and was doomed from the start.

Naruto's mouth fell open in shock. He had, in fact, missed all of that.

The Hokage decided to let the fool go through with it, probably in order to entrap him. Why he didn't worry about you getting hurt, I don't know, but I don't share his confidence. Now, here is what you must do to survive...

~o~O~o~O~o~

End