Six Word Story: Cake and pie!

E2's First Annual Six Word Story Quest



The Quest has ended!

The BrevityQuest for this year has come and gone, but I feel like we aren't being anywhere nearly as concise as we could be. In fact, Ernest Hemingway won a bet with a story only six words long, and from then on he would brag that the following story was one of his greatest:

Wired feels the same way. They recently collected a bunch of six word stories from a number of other authors1, and here are just a few of those:

Now, I think we can do just as well as they can. In fact, I know we can do better than that. Benjamin Franklin once said that frugality was a virtue, and if there's something you can never have too much of, it's virtue, so why not just take this to the logical extreme?

Here's the rules:

Your six word story may be no more and no less than six words.

I will accept no more than six submissions from any one noder to be included in the quest at month's end.

Your story may be in any language, on any subject.

Do not create a new node for a submission. Six words is far too short for its own node. Instead, simply message me your story with the tag "6WS" or something similar included, and I'll add it to this very node.

create a new node for a submission. Six words is far too short for its own node. Instead, simply message me your story with the tag "6WS" or something similar included, and I'll add it to this very node. I will accept new submissions up until server midnight on March 31, 2009. Note that this has passed, and submissions are Closed .

. You may vote for three six word stories. Voting is open until April 4, 2009, and you may change your vote whenever you like to give new submissions a fair chance.

six word stories. Voting is open until April 4, 2009, and whenever you like to give new submissions a fair chance. At the end of the quest, I will post the top three and award bonuses in the form of fabulous and mysterious e2 prizes.

Grand Prize: 6 C!s, 6 tokens, and 600 GP Second Prize: 6 tokens and 600 GP Third Prize: 6 tokens and 6 GP Runners-Up: 60 GP All Participants: 6 GP

That's it! These are way easy, and they're something anyone can do. I look forward to your submissions!

Much thanks to The Custodian for the original inspiration.

1

Submissions:

Pretentious? No, I play the glockenspiel. Somehow, I was colored chartreuse. Again. Age twelve, learning HTML: Blink tags! He snorted. "Me, mosey? As if." Day 17: Very hungry. Lasers everywhere.

Cheated on Turing Test. Brain confiscated. Humanity exterminated self. Replay? Insert coin. Star cats arrive! Join ours, napping. Man picks up gun. Death follows. "Hooker-beating ShamWow guy is ex-Scientologist!"

"We are just friends," she said. She wore high heel boots. Yeowza. Collision course asteroid. Time to party.

"But time travel's impossible!" exclaimed Caesar. Day eight: function fulfilled, God died. "Apology not accepted", said the Universe. Earth's last words: "Goodbye, cruel humans!"

Killed bad guys. Got the girl. Woman dies, funeral lasts for weeks.

A Demon walked in. We waited.

Tide rises, falls, then rises again

No! Don't. Stop. Don't stop. Yes! I saw. I conquered. I came. All over now. Sometimes I remember. Loved speed. Funeral Tuesday. Not his. Oblivious lovers. Surprise return. Funerals Wednesday. I stopped drinking whisky at fourteen.

Those thirty shekels paid my mortgage. - Grand Prize Winner! Hannibal slays Scipio. Europe speaks Punic. If I'd known, you'd be dead.

Lost myself, and found myself again.

Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer, Summer... Bushfire apocalypse, with rain, new genesis. Tiny birth, epic climb, safe pouch. Tiger above, Dragon below, lotus branch. Shifting parallax; writer, subject, mentor, me. The Tree is filing the birds...

Ringing! Awakened reaching. "Who? Uh, no!"

Send replacement magnifying glass. Ants organizing. - Second Place Winner! Nuit blanche, Amsterdam. Paranoid on repeat. "...e2 slash fanfic... GhettoAardvark's one word?"

"Forgive me," he whispered to nobody. - Runner-Up! Sesquipedalianism perversely elongates ostensibly concise narrative. Before we die, I just want—

Standing close her need was palpable

So she ate all her fingers. The captain's still alive, abandon ship Foie gras. A snack for later. Adam, this is Eve. She's fertile.

My life's story, short version: REDACTED.

Catch. MVP. Overdose. "This sporting life ..." Moribund epicist discovers brevity. Life begins. Director cast AI Hamlet. Ophelia drowned. Bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk! Klikkaklakkaklaskaklopatzklatschabattacreppycrottygraddaghsemmihsammihnouithappluddyappladdypkonpkot! Ullhodturdenweirmudgaardgringnirurdrmolnirfenrirlukkilokkibaugimandodrrerinsurtkrinmgernrackinarockar! Then quiet tumult.

Death unachieved, he wore the tie. This cubicle exchanges glances with infinity. Ptolemy never saw the stars tonight. There is a story unimpeded here.

I fell. She fell. Not together. I won. I won. We lost. born too small, lived too little. Loud music, glow sticks, and her. I put this on my tombstone. I got drunk to do this

We solved all humanity's problems! However-- "I love you." "No, you don't." THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TWEETED

Pie at 30,000 feet--clown heaven. Ah shoudn't hahv ricked dith pole. We'll never know unless we operate.

Awoke in Middle-Earth, still drunk. The core borehole struck chocolate filling.

I wonder where I am now. Load. Cock. Aim. Fire. Verify. Scream. She grinned. I smiled. We lived! It wasn't easy. It should've been.

Cancer: no evidence of disease. Joy! Place newborn on mom's tummy. Joy! Baby heartrate five. Didn't die. Joy! Investment risk laughable next to birth. Woke me up at midnight. Damn.

2[Seraphim] attacking windows. Detonating boiler. xxx Messiah SALE! Twelve pieces of silver! Weeping, served our robot master martinis. Listening at door, heard postman moan. Fun coin, so permeates readers (nine)?

Through the tapered lid, "I'm sorry" Take my purple heart. It's rusty. The snow angel stares, wings frozen. We danced, untangling our double helix. Newly blind, he considers the moon

I pondered transcendance. It slipped away.

"Mom is home, be quiet." "Vaseline?"

Zeswoordenverhaalwedstrijd door nederlandstalige "te gemakkelijk" uitgemaakt

If she didn't speak, who would? Children are cruel, but winter moreso. As the heart slowed, she prayed.

He was never to return home.

"Not you guys again," said Jesus. Patient, suicidal amoebas evolved; thinking, "human..." she slept through the plane crash He would pay for sex. Eventually. Juliet! Whiskey? Charley? Hotel tango? Bravo! Zombies rose, but Earth was deserted

vending machine crushes man, pleads guilty to undo last action, press 3 foetus murders 4 men, with coathanger

Honest, Joseph, it was an angel. Recovering Lukaemia patient thanks donor's family. Slept in. Missed plane. Plane crashed. Happily ever after? No chance, Cinders. Revolutionaries execute tyrant. Life doesn't improve. Oh, didn't I mention? I'm married.

Loved her. Married. Cheated. Whiskey. Suicide preponderant parents, pot percocet poppy potions

J 6?! omg u fkn donk.

Enhanced chicken, this one can fly! Argentinean millionaire, forced marriage; Torrid affair.

You promised never to detrouser me! Lawn guy blown away with leafblower

Get born, marry, patiently await death. Sold to the gentleman on fire!

ultimate intelligence fined for public drunkenness. Blacklight power proven right. Ocean explodes. Perfect story written: zero words long. Assertion failure ('loves owner'). Contact manufacturer.

Created by stars. Destroyed by man. Help Wanted. Janitorial. Mustn't Be Squeamish.

Grass is greener! Oh. Cow shit.

farmer's son slays dragon, inherits kingdom

Lived for the moment. Died anyway. He got clingy. My eyes wandered.

When we are alone, we think. Ultimately, we don't have a clue. Nobody understands until it finally happens. Once the world's done, it's done. You're born. You live. You'll die. This is all we have. Deal.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Six words. Should be easy. Isn't. Technology is evil. Enough said. OK. Red light flashing. SO DAMN IRRITATING!!!!!!

It's my way, or the highway.

This is your heart on drugs. My heart, another thing never returned.

Must level this craft, before it.... Waited. She came, left. Gone forever.

Fifteen rounds. Cancer versus grundoon. Hallelujah. - Runner-Up!

Repairing broken heart, dentist foregoes flossing. Bell slams receiver down. "Damned telemarketers!" One second left! Oops, cheap watch. World crashing. Bought gold. Helped somewhat.

The bandit's eyes widened. "BOSS NO!"

Reads Proust between running the register. Contraband snapshot tucked into bridal bustier. Leaving orbit, she's remembering elementary school. Bleach removes blood, leaving frantic silence.

I figured 'twas destiny. Fate disagreed. Her face was beautiful. Melted well. "The End is near! The End--" Try as he might, he failed. The monster rose, and I reloaded. "Take my life, Lord." "Well, alright."

It's the second worst thing ever. Seventeen invitations sent. No one came. I snogged him on the stairs.

Old media dead. Blog @ 11. I'll use SEVEN words, just you-- Took responsibility for myself. Smoked cigarettes. "Hey baby, did ya miss me?" She's a redhead. They always are. One month of concision. Good luck!

It had taken over the fetus. The dog's erstwhile master snuffled earth. Trees bled with men that day. Vegetarians got the worst strontium dose.

Come with me. Your life awaits.

"I'm free!" "Yes, I know. Scram!" Hello sir. I'm a representative of You're staying right here until you How did you get in here? Happy Human Kit™, some assembly required. Volunteers needed, will waive launching fee.

"Blow-jobs are handy too," Mom said. Bought gun. Shot between the eyes. Suicide attempt. Murder trick unsuccessful. Death. Who? What? Where? Jack. Murdered. Subway. Revenge was sweet. Her vagina wasn't.

"Dude!" he said. "Don't push that-!" Dog howls. No People. No food. "Nicole, Ron, come here!" said O.J. "Never again!" she screamed to body. Ship leaves Earth, mourning its occupants. "Traffic's great!" said man still employed.

Can't bring up platter? Dumb waiter.

I gazed into eternity; found hope. "Stay," he said, "Forever." I left. A million emotions collaged together: Woman. An aerodynamic aluminum anomaly achieved athanasia. I loved a noder, or two. Wake.

Pray.

Live, Eat.

Pray.

Sleep.

Why is the ground spinning? Methamphetamine.

Marry me Julia – I mean Jonathan. Twilight. Imperfect elation. Dawn reveals otherwise. Together, we watched destruction planned alone. Liberace stabbed me: I twisted knife. All religions proved correct. Prophets confused. Monkeys drive car through human enclosure.

"This is the end of the..."

Lincoln, Surprise! Sic Semper Tyrannis! - Booth Malignant? Invasive. Irresponsive? "Mestatisized" (infarction)...mourning. Light!", apple, tablet, desert, Jerusalem...Poland. Asperger's kid sharted in punch bowl. "Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!" "I fucked his girlfriend." "Dude, speakerphone."

Black delivers anti-war speech. Later... President!

Man's DNA patented. Sex considered piracy. Now conscious computer sighs, commits suicide. Closet skeletons. They dance at night. Nothing can go wrong with parmesan. Oh life. Silly is it not? Wikipedia in my alphabet soup. Again.

Six words? I can do this.

Sex, drugs, rock and roll. Nap.

"Mario, Princess is in another castle."

A black eye tells no lies. Candy was offered. Now he's missing. Critical error. Reboot? Yes or no? Bees have disappeared. All is lost. "Results are positive." "No! Now what?"

Lemon's Twist Ending? Liz gets Juiced The End. Plot removed by editor.

I missed you. Need better gun.

A man, a mirror--no reflection. Wow what a view, thethump, Shit! Two mice, some cheese, imminent death Three men; one brain; go figure A sharp icepick; a successful lobotomy

She used to be against abortion. Well, she said yes, now what? Six word story? That's not enough! Failed school, failed job, failed parents. She was beautiful, I said nothing. I closed my eyes and waited.

Phone rings, tragic accident. Survivor's guilt.

Are you sure those are rats? For you, I would swallow anything! Was that the reverse-time switch? I thought you were his mother! This is an excellent idea, sir!

The scene, an action: emotional response.

red shoes, blue shoes, you choose. he said, she said, who knew. perception is the kaleidoscope of truth Can't choose... the inertia of conumdrum

It is not always about You.