I came home for some dinner yesterday before heading back up to Improv/the desk, and I got around to making something I’d been thinking about for a few days. The idea had first come to me in the grocery store on Sunday when I saw these nice, green, hard avocados. I bought two of them, and then got a few more things to use, and I let the notion stew for the few days after that. Don’t let the italics fool you into thinking I just made some sort of food pun. There was no actual stewing involved with the meal; those italics were just for emphasis.

So, from the meal’s inception (Christ, am I ever ready to watch that movie again [which I keep saying, but have I taken any steps to make it happen? No. So maybe I should just stop]), I knew I wanted to use chicken. However, at the store, I was worried about whether chicken would be in the budget. See, I have committed myself to only buying organic meat for several reasons which are unimportant to the actual story I’m trying to tell here, and organic meat gets a little pricey. Fortunately, the grocery store I frequent sometimes stocks organic, boneless, skinless (so they say ಠ_ಠ) chicken thighs! And they are DIRT cheap. Well, reasonably cheap. The packs of four thighs hover over and under $4.00. Hell yes. So, I got the chicken, avocados, and a bag of frozen, organic mango pieces (so convenient!), and I was ready to go. Oh. Also green beans. For the side.

So, while the chicken was defrosting yesterday (I–as previously mentioned–don’t really trust microwaves, so when I need to defrost something quickly, I prefer to massage the item in a pool of lukewarm water. …that said, I used a microwave yesterday), I took out an avocado, peeled it, pitted it, and diced it. Also, I started cooking a cup of jasmine rice (it was on sale again!), and for the first time in my life, I put some butter in the rice water. I’ve always just been an “eat the damn rice” kind of guy, but I don’t know, butter just felt right yesterday. So, where was I? Yes. Rice: cooking. Chicken: defrosting. Avocado: diced and bowled.

Hmm…narratives are all well and good, I suppose. But I’m getting bored, and I feel like you might be too. So, here’s the meal basics, if you’d like to make it yourself. Which you do!

Blackened Honey Thighs

Ingredients

THE MEAT

Four boneless chicken thighs

Blackening spices, enough to use liberally

Honey, enough to use liberally

Garlic, minced

Olive oil

THE TOPPING

One avocado, still firm, diced

1 cup diced mango

1 tsp Chili Garlic Sauce (from those jolly Vietnamese folk who brought you Sriracha sauce!)

1 tsp minced garlic

A little bit of olive oil

THE SIDES

Rice (I like Jasmine, obviously, but whatever. It’s your barbecue)

Green Beans, however many you damn well please

Process

Start cooking the rice. Preheat large frying pan on medium-high heat with olive oil and garlic (THE MEAT garlic) Oh, also, prep your green beans. If you’re doing this with green beans. I did. You don’t have to. Listen, just back off. Spread out each chicken thigh and place it in the frying pan. Spread blackening spices liberally over chicken. Then, spread that honey, just as liberally, over all that chicken. Let it cook for about ten minutes before flipping. Once you flip, repeat the horrible cycle of liberalism. After you flip the chicken, turn your attention toward THE TOPPING. Combine avocado, mango, chili sauce, and garlic in a bowl. Stir. Toss with a little bit of olive oil. Specifically, the little bit of olive oil listed in the ingredients section. Cook in a small frying pan over low heat. If you’re taking the green bean route, here’s what I did: After chicken side2 has cooked for about five minutes, scoot all the blacken(ing) honey thighs into the center of the pan and toss the green beans along the perimeter. Cover and cook for five minutes. Flip the chicken once more just to crispen glover the first side that got cooked, then remove when it’s all done. Stir the green beans in the blackened honey thigh remnants, cover, and let cook for another 10-15 minutes. Oh, when the chicken finished, you should have also removed THE TOPPING from heat and combined the two in the way that seems most logical. If you’ve let the topping cook this long, I’m sorry. You should have read the whole recipe first. I mean, c’mon. That’s 101 kind of stuff.

Aaaaand, boom! Once those beans are done (and the rice should be done by now, too), just plate that fucker up and have yourself a meal!

BLACKENED HONEY THIGHS! It’s also really fun to say.