Being Ostracized

Hey guys. As I opened up MS Word to write this for you today, I wondered to myself who the most famous bisexual person in the world might be. I mean, when you think about it it’s not really something that everyone comes out and SAYS. I mean if you take Boy George for example, it’s commonly accepted that he’s gay. We don’t REALLY know if he may be bisexual, because as far as I know he hasn’t come out and said “I really seriously don’t fancy girls,” or, “you know what, deep down I might also be persuaded by a girl.” So, I guess, we don’t really KNOW about a lot of people. And that’s okay. But I thought today for fun I would go online and find out who is openly bisexual and what they all have to say about it.The more I go into it, the more I see that it seems bisexuality is actually kinda hot in celebdom these days. That’s what this website www.starpulse.com ) says, anyway. It’s pleasing to see so many celebs coming out and being honest about themselves. If they’re doing it it’s bound to make it easier for Joe Soap (or Jo Soap) to be honest about him or herself and come out to the world, and it also makes it more acceptable to the rest of the world. Eventually, if this trend continues, it could become a lot easier to come out or it may not be necessary to come out at all. The site lists Angelina Jolie (of Brangelina, married to Brad and millions of children fame) having swung both ways, and Gillian Anderson of the “X Files” as recently having confessed to having feelings for women as well as men.Drew Barrymore, who first achieved fame as a child in the movie “ET”, was quoted as saying “"Do I like women sexually? Yeah, I do. Totally. I have always considered myself bisexual. I love a woman's body. I think a woman and a woman together are beautiful, just as a man and a woman together are beautiful. Being with a woman is like exploring your own body, but through someone else." Interestingly, most of the people listed on the site are women, who are currently in relationships with men. The only man listed on the site is Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day, and he is also currently in a relationship with a woman. He said: “I think I've always been bisexual... It's a beautiful thing." Over 15 years later, he clarified, "I don't really classify myself as anything. And when it comes to sex, there are parts of me that are very shy and conservative. I want to respect my wife."This led me onto a new musing: Are there more bisexual women than there are men, or are women simply being more honest with themselves? In an attempt to answer this, I consulted with The Psychology of Human Sexuality , which seems to affirm that there are more bisexual women than men. It raises the argument that while it is indeed possible for both men and women to be bisexual, evidence from a variety of sources suggests that bisexuality may be a more natural occurrence among women than men. I would love to hear your opinions on this. I only know one man who may be considered to be bisexual, and he identifies as gay because his attraction to men is stronger, but his partner told me that if he is very honest with himself he would be considered to be bisexual.When Comet Wesley asked on Yahoo who the most famous bisexual men and women in the world were, he received a variety of answers, but he picked Billie Joe Armstrong, Angelina Jolie, Alan Cumming and David Bowie as the best answer. I don’t know about you, but prior to this article, I hadn’t even heard of Billie Joe Armstrong or Allan Cumming, let alone know about the fact that they are bisexual. It’s a kinda sad situation. But maybe one that will improve in the future.I’m tackling two subjects in today’s post, and the second one is about being ostracized. I’m sure that this is something that many of us reading this blog have experienced at one time or another, and let’s face it.. it’s horrible. And it does psychological damage. People ostracize us for many reasons. None of them are cool and most of them hurt. I’m not going to go too much into the reasons why people ostracize others, except to say try not to do it.. if you feel like you need to ostracize someone, make the attempt to not do it. It doesn’t do you any good any more than it does the other person (unless of course it’s a psychopath you’re ostracizing and then it’s a whole other story).If you’re the person being ostracized, there are things you can do, to make yourself better, to make it less psychologically damaging to you and to minimize the impact of it all. Firstly: There are a few different scenarios pertaining to being ostracized. You could be ostracized from a community, from a school, from a peer group. And there are obviously different surrounding circumstances in each scenario. This post is referring specifically to a particular scenario. Where a group of friends or a community is ostracizing you because you are gay, lesbian or bisexual. Immediately the case of Jonah Mowry springs to mind – watch his video here or read his story here – and because his case popped straight into my mind, it must mean that this type of ostracizing is a form of bullying. And simply by reaching out just like this, the right people heard about Jonah and he was helped. However on the converse side there have been stories of people who have been ostracized which have not worked out so well. James Borges unlike Jonah, did not get the support of his parents or peers when coming out, and was completely ostracized by his community. He is quoted on Blacklikemoi.com as having said ”My anxiety, depression, self-loathing and suicidal thoughts spiked I had nowhere safe to go, either at home or school… My parents told me that, among other things, I was disgusting, perverted, unnatural and damned to h**l. About two months ago they officially kicked me out of my house.” Sadly, James Borges committed suicide in January 2012.Okay.. so what can you do if it’s you being ostracized? Back to the original question. There is no easy answer to this, but then perhaps the answer shouldn’t be easy. It’s not an easy question. But ultimately, I believe that we have to slowly accept, that actually it’s the person doing the ostracizing who has the problem. It’s happened to me, and part of my anxiety and stress came in when other people didn’t acknowledge that there was harm being done to me. They were all so sucked in by the guys doing it. But YOU know. You know to ostracize is wrong, and know this: There are real people in the world, who won’t do it. You have to find them. And in the meantime, you come to understand that you are a strong person, one who doesn’t need others. You don’t need others to feel good and you don’t need them to boost your own confidence. You’re self-capable of doing these things. I do say though that if it keeps on and nobody around you wants to help you, get professional help. Go to your head master or the guidance counselor at school and ask them what to do if you are too young to afford your own private care. There are steps and ways of feeling better.Contact Jo at jo.freedomrequireswings@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter: @FRWJo