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WWN SPORT reluctantly reports on Waterford man Denis Cahey’s decision to officially put to bed his dream of somehow togging out for his county.

Despite being heavily challenged in the fitness, talent and work ethic departments Cahey, 32, had always maintained the far-fetched notion of being called up to the senior panel to represent his county in the All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship after a series of unlikely and hairbrained events and coincidences meant he was needed to fill in at corner back.

“I’m not a fucking eejit, I didn’t think I’d ever get in on merit like, I’m fair shit. But I thought maybe if the lads were all killed in an ISIS attack but then ISIS are basically gone now, then I got to thinking what if all the male population of Waterford caught food poisoning and I’d be one of the only viable options left,” confirmed Cahey who kept the dream alive even though he last actively playing hurling when he was 23, albiet at a very poor level.

An increasing number of men entering their 30s are faced with formally announcing that their once completely illogical dreams of sporting greatness has officially become impossible.

“When time, fitness, talent and determination aren’t on your side and all you’ve got left is a very, very poor attitude and a low pain threshold you just have to admit it and tell people the selectors are a pack of pricks who’ve always had it in for me,” confirmed the humble Cahey, who added that there’s still a few years left in his dream of being recognised by a modeling scout while down the town on a night out.