NOTE: I, Timoni Grone, did not write this. Dave Wineman wrote this. This is a reblog of his post.

A conversation I have every month or so, by dwineman:

Me: (tries to visit a local restaurant’s website via iPhone)

Restaurant website: I require Flash. Fuck off.

Me: I just want to know how late you’re open.

Website: Nope.

Me: But I’m on my phone. Don’t you have a little “HTML Version” link up in the corner or something?

Website: I’m ignoring you.

Me: What if I’m on my phone because I’m out, looking for a place to eat? Didn’t that ever occur to you?

Website: Fuck entirely off.

Me: (gives up, switches to computer)

Website: Oh! Hi! What can I help you with today?

Me: What are your —

Website: Hang on, I’m loading the music.

Me: Really.

Website: You’ll love it. It’s “Girl from Ipanema” arranged for steel drum and keytar.

Me: No, you don’t have to —

Website: Loading…

Me: All I want is —

Website: I SAID DOT DOT DOT.

Me: (drums fingers on desk)

Website: There we go. Isn’t that nice? It’s… what’s the word. Ethnicky.

Me: What are your hours?

Website: Take a look at our menu! It’s a PDF of a screenshot of a scan of a Word document printed on a dishtowel. With fonts!

Me: I don’t care. What are your hours?

Website: Don’t worry, the menu loads in a new window so the music won’t stop. Can I show you some broken images?

Me: What. Are. Your. Hou. Rs.

Website: I… I don’t know.

Me: (goes to Denny’s)

Goodness this is so true.

—Timoni