No, the only truly safe, responsible thing for Josh to do is to actually destroy the machine, before it has a chance to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting populous. And we're guessing a machine that can turn you into Tom Hanks at a whim, won't go down without a fight.

1 Josh's Childhood -- and Life -- is ruined

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

But even if he does destroy the Zoltar, he's still facing an awful life. Josh has already had a killer job, an adult relationship, and his own place. He knows for a fact that he can do just fine in the real world -- better than his parents in fact. What motivation does he have to every listen to anything any adult ever says to him again? What does he have to learn from his parents? Or school, for that matter?

He's going to resent them every time they tell him what to do and all his adolescent relationships will be unfulfilling. When he finally gets back to adulthood he'll be so jaded, he won't have the child-like edge that got him ahead the first time around. It's likely he'll find himself so disillusioned with life that he'll see a psychiatrist who will then diagnose him with delusions when he tells her about the time an arcade game turned him into an adult overnight and he spent six weeks as the vice-president of a toy company. He'll grow into an incredibly dysfunctional human being (who now matches the physical description of an at-large kidnapper who apparently doesn't age).



Thanks, plastic surgery!

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Add it all together and a hypothetical Big sequel could range from Leaving Las Vegas-depressing (featuring a traumatized Josh Baskin) to downright apocalyptic (with governments competing to get their hands on the Zoltar to use as a WMD).

Either way, this film has to be a candidate for worst ending in movie history. Was banging Elizabeth Perkins really worth it?



Okay, yes.

Find more from Brendan Bourque-Sheil at his YouTube channel.