Behold another banner week for the heroes of our intrepid mainstream media, that motley collection of pompous and obnoxious incompetents, perverts and – at the risk of repeating myself – liberals. In just the last few days we’ve seen how a major media personality got his network to build him a creepy sex lair in his office and watched as a flat-out lie tanked the stock market – well, not really “tanked,” since the Trump Boom is still booming, though the media is loath to report that fact since prosperity wrecks the official Trumpocalypse narrative. And next week, if (when) the guy the liberal media tried to paint as Judge Jailbait beats the guy the liberal media tried to cover for by not reporting how he thinks abortions are cool up until a kid gets his learner’s permit, the liberal media will take yet another well-deserved failure lap.

The mainstream liberal media is primarily composed of stumblebum leftist jerks who want all the glory and respect due a caste of objective, moral truth-seekers, yet who don’t want to do the hard work of actually being objective or moral or seeking the truth. “I can’t pass, and I can’t tackle, and practice is really a hassle, but I’m wearing a sportsball jersey so I want your adulation and a Super Bowl ring!”

Nah. They think we owe them respect and trust when all they’ve earned is our contempt.

You have Matt Lauer, probably America’s most highly-paid journalist, who “everyone” knew was a skeevy weirdo who’d probably creep out Woody Allen. Well, everyone did know, except us, the media’s audience. Our media overlords didn’t think we needed to know that little bit of information. Some obscure Texas congressmen sends texts of his ancient junk to a girlfriend and, after he dumps her, she gets mad and puts them up on the web? Oh, that’s news – America must know that vital info. But when the flagship anchor of the flagship show on the flagship broadcast network uses his powers to basically build a sex dungeon in 30 Rock – nope, not news. Shhhhh. Matt’s just bein’ Matt. Move along. Nothing to see here. For gosh sakes, look at how much he hates the NRA!

Remember, to our intrepid media, news is only news if it helps the liberal narrative. If it doesn’t, it’s not news. It’s not anything. It’s un-news. Like the stock market boom. Like wiping out the ISIS caliphate. Like Mueller’s manifest conflicts of interest. Un-news. Remember, half the job of the mainstream media is generating metaphorical tumbleweeds.

And then there’s Brian Ross, the ABC News goof whose 100% false claim about candidate Donald Trump cavorting with Russia gave millions of mouth-foaming anti-Trump weirdos like Bette Midler doppelgänger Joy Behar a collective Muellergasm at the thought that the Flynn plea might not turn into yet another disappointment. And of course it did. Talk about un-news – they were giddy and, as a real journalist demonstrates, the plea means nothing. They were looking for Mueller to convict Donald J. Manson of mass murder and all Mueller’s managed to do was write one of his girls a ticket for double parking outside Sharon Tate’s house.

ABC’s reporting was totally wrong, but they left the lie out there, knowing it was false, for hours. In the meantime, the thought that Trump might be in trouble trashed the market for a while – funny how investors are terrified that Trump might not remain president. Eventually, ABC issued a “correction.” A “correction?” When you are real journalists, you issue a correction when you misreport that Lena Dunham ate fifteen muffins for second breakfast instead of twelve. When you are real journalists, you issue an apology and fire a bunch of people when one of your meat puppets outright lies.

But, of course, the mainstream liberal media hacks are not real journalists. They are transcriptionists for their progressive masters when they aren’t molesting the interns.

And then there’s the Roy Moore thing. The people of Alabama are told by their urban betters that the media’s claims about him were “scrupulously reported” by the Washington Post, as if that conclusory assurance somehow makes its reporting unimpeachable. Gosh, if the people in the Beltway are impressed, then you rural rubes better abandon the West Point graduate you’ve known as kooky but upstanding for decades and elect the socialist. Because, you know, it’s scrupulously reported.

What kind of nut might think a mainstream media outfit would lie about a conservative who is about the take a critical Senate seat? That’s crazy talk. Sure, Fusion GPS (the group of ex-journalists that manufactured and promulgated the fake Trump dossier) had unnamed journalists on its payroll – gosh, the WaPo and the rest of the media sure aren’t curious about who they are – and yes, WikiLeaks revealed journalists working for Democrat campaigns, but it’s super paranoid nutso crazy to think this Moore thing smells fishy. Heck, no one covers the backcountry of Alabama beat better than the Washington Post, certainly not the local Alabama media that has covered Moore for 30 years and never gotten wind of this bombshell through Moore’s multiple elections! How dare you hicks not immediately accept at face value everything the liberal media says!

If (when) Roy Moore gets elected he ought to send the liberal media a dozen roses to thank it for his victory; their coverage is an in-kind campaign contribution. No one but Moore and his accuser knows whether Moore cavorted with an underage girl or not, but the voters of Alabama have a perfectly legitimate basis to disbelieve the media’s claims – the sordid track record of the media itself. Would the liberal media lie to hurt a conservative? Are you kidding? It does that every day, and the difference is that now we’re woke.

You mainstream media hacks want trust and respect? Maybe you shouldn’t Tweet out instructions to contact Senators to defeat the tax bill like the New York Times just did. Maybe you should stop covering for the off-camera leering and grabbing and pinching of the talking heads who excoriate Trump for misogyny. Maybe you should stop hiring journalists who are ex-Obama flunkies. Maybe you shouldn’t email offers of assistance to Democrat campaigns. Maybe you should stop lying to us. Then maybe voters might trust you. Maybe people might respect you. And maybe you wouldn’t deserve the contempt we normals hold you in.