Lissen, up, ladz!

Dakka! Since Orkish history began,* all of Ork-kind have looked for more of it. But what iz Dakka? Grobnek tells me a lot of you boyz used to be feruls, so still fink choppas and pointy sticks is the best of teknology.** Well, Dakka makes da pointy bitz go towards your enemy fast and you don’t even need to be next to ‘im.*** ‘Ere’s a guide to help you out:

NORMAL DAKKA

AKA: Sluggas, Shootas

Normal Dakka isn’t flash, but it getz da job done. Bullitz go in da bullit hole, deff comes out da deff hole. Big bullitz make big deff. I dunno how it works. Ask a mek or somefin’.

RATING: 10/10

HOT DAKKA

AKA: Beamy bits, Lazers

Hot Dakka is Dakka that uses big square bullitz**** and is flashy instead of loud. It’s dead good at krumpin’ tanks and has lots of uses.*****

Some ‘umies carry hot dakka called “lasguns”. We don’t know what it’s for but Wazglab finks that it’s for pointin’ out people to krump. You can strap one to yer slugga as a lazer sight.

RATING 10/10

BLASTY DAKKA

AKA: Rokkits, Bomms, Fat Squigs

Blasty Dakka is probly da best Dakka. Fings like rokkit launchas, squig gunz an’ stuff. Just be a safe distunce away when you fire it.******

RATING 11/10

FAST DAKKA

AKA: Snazzy Shootas, Mek Speshuls

Fast Dakka is great ‘cos even if you can’t hit anything wiv da first bullit, the rest usually do the trick. Also more bullitz iz better bullitz.

RATING: 10/10

SQUISHY DAKKA

AKA: Bitey Guns, Crawly Shootas

Some of da boyz from Octarius got their mekz to loot some of da dakka from da tirry-nids. Works pretty well if you keep ’em fed. You can get sum from Ulg Lotsarms and his boyz, just smack ‘im in da gob if he keeps talkin’ about “Gork and Mork but wiv four arms for hittin’ people” and “the patriork” and uvver rubbish.

RATING: 10/10

WEIRD DAKKA

AKA: Deemon’s Gubbinz, Chatty Bits

Rememba when da ladz got togetha and put all da skullz in a pile and did a dance for a laugh and da sky went all red and Ozgob said “Da Time Of Blood Has Come” in a funny voice and a bunch of red ladz came through da walls and we had a fight and it woz great? Some of the big wunz had gunz. They’z good and they whisper fun stuff to ya’ about killin’ and battles.

RATING: 10/10

Thatz it, ladz! Enjoy shootin’ stuff up.

++ ORK FOR THE DAY: Ghazghkull. He’s a Goff so a bit borin’ but he’s a good lad. ++

* Last week, when the runtherdz remembered how to remember things, and invented “weeks”.

** Choppas are still ded good.

*** But it helps if you do stand next to ‘im.

**** Sometimes they’re called “battrees” becoz they’re good for batterin’ people wiv.

***** Just don’t clean yer boots with it, unless you want new legz from the mek. So maybe clean yer boots with it.

****** Couple of steps back should do the trick.

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