The readers of a recently published New York Post article are now considering Long Beach as one of the top 15 places to live in the United States, due to its “great weather, affordable rents, top schools and cultural offerings,” according to the publication, which is apparently the extent of what the study considered, as far as its methodology was concerned.

The list, originally published by the publication Time Out last week on Wednesday, September 7, features Long Beach as its fourth choice and describes it as a relaxed coastal city, where our dog-friendliness was of note, with Rosie’s Dog Beach standing as the only dedicated dog beach in Los Angeles County. And as far as “great weather,” “cultural offerings” and “top schools” are concerned—well, we won’t argue with you there, Time Out, but “affordable rents” may very well be a thing of the past, and your little article isn’t helping.

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Long Beach was placed as the 17th most expensive rental market in the states by Zumper, a firm that analyzes national rental trends, while another annual report by Lusk Center for Real Estate projected increases of over $100 per month on average by 2018 in Los Angeles County, according to the above article published in April. Not to mention, the city recently made Coldwell Banker’s list of the Top 50 Most Expensive Places in the US to Buy a House.

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The short description also mentions Long Beach as one of the most pedestrian and cyclist friendly cities, claiming that our whopping two miles of protected bicycle lanes have “increased ridership by 50 percent since 2012.” We wouldn’t attribute that kind of growth in ridership solely to the two protected lanes that have existed on Broadway and Third Street since they were installed in 2011, which provide a safety for riders that’s questionable at best, but perhaps we can thank the hard work and outreach of city officials and cycling advocates for improving Long Beach’s bicycle-friendliness, which includes a great deal more than implementing protected lanes.

We were recently named the last of the top 10 most bicycle friendly cities in the US by Zillow, where miles of protected bike lanes seemed to have little effect on the real estate company’s decision to include Long Beach. However, Long Beach’s Uptown just added a half-mile of differently designed protected lanes, which will perhaps inspire less of a mixed reaction than the the aforementioned “death traps” in downtown.

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We love you very much Long Beach, but we’re both proud and wary of the national attention you receive. Time Out and New York Post readers, please don’t come, for Long Beach is a terrible place to live. Our beaches are rampant with hairy, snarling creatures and their refuse, our streets are clogged with non-motorized two-wheeled vehicles whose operators think they own the road (you’ll never get anywhere fast) and the weather is just awful, with not a cloud in the sky to protect you from that unforgiving, year-round SoCal sun.