With a Roseanne reboot in the works and a new Handmaid’s Tale episode every week to crap our pants over, now seems like a really good time to re-visit one of the most progressive abortion storylines in television history: the Roseanne‘s “Thanksgiving 1994” and “Maybe Baby.”

Unlike most TV shows, which use the super fun topic of abortion (and rape too!) as a lazy plot point to create dramatic tension, Roseanne did it to force some serious soul searching on the issue. Not just by diving into the complicated emotions of both Roseanne (Roseanne Barr) and Dan (John Goodman), but by daring to ask if women can separate the political from personal.

As it turns out, Roseanne sure as hell can’t, despite all her efforts, and Dan is the poor guy who gets stuck in the patriarchal crossfire. Watching this episode as a woman, it’s hard not to ask if we do the same thing—blame the guys we love most for all the shit mankind keeps throwing at us.

Given that it’s mostly men making these paternalistic, bogus laws that ruin our lives, it’s hard not to blame their sex as a whole for screwing the collective female pooch. But Roseanne is quick to remind us right away that it’s not just lawmakers who are hostile towards women in America, it’s members of our communities and family too—the protesters harassing her at the women’s clinic (the only place she can afford) while getting prenatal care, not murdering her baby. And her own mother, who slut-shames grandma at the dinner table after she admits to having two abortions in the past.

TV shows will cover every angle on the personal level, but rarely do they include the cultural context in which these decisions are made. But you can’t talk abortion without understanding the systemic misogyny surrounding it in our culture.

Before the show so much as dips its toe into the emotionally complicated hell hole of Roseanne and Dan’s keep-the-baby/don’t-keep-the-baby drama, they make it crystal clear Roseanne is totally cool with abortions. She’s the Queen Bey of pro-choice. She even tells her own mom an abortion would have spared her an unhappy life with her father.

And yet, when they find out there might be a problem with the baby, Roseanne flips a switch and all of a sudden wants to keep it now. As a woman, I naturally take Roseanne’s side because of the whole “her body, her choice” thing.

And yet, you can’t help but feel bad for Dan as the episode progresses. Which is exactly why this show is so revolutionary and feminist. We get to see the husband’s point of view, too. TV will have you think abortions always involve some unmarried chick who doesn’t need to tell the baby daddy there’s a baby at all. Just nip that shit in the bud! But this abortion involves a planned pregnancy, possible birth defects, and a happily married couple who definitely can’t afford a kid with a shit ton of medical problems. Not an easy decision! They force us to ask ourselves—shouldn’t the committed partners whose lives a birth will dramatically affect at least deserve a chance to talk about their feelings?

Absolutely. Because you can’t effectively fight the patriarchy by making women right all the time or telling men to just shut up. Feminism is about mutual respect and getting rid of pedestals. So, no, of course men shouldn’t make this decision for us. But don’t they get to have feelings about it still?

Dan tries his best to be a supportive partner to Roseanne, reassuring her it will all be okay either way and doing what he needs to do to take care of himself, like playing football to get his mind off it. He even defends Roseanne’s right to choose to Jackie’s douchebag husband who questions Dan’s masculinity for not keeping his woman in line.

But despite all his support, it’s clear Dan is really struggling.

I’ve seen so many of my guy friends have to ride this stressful will-she/won’t-she roller coaster with their pregnant partners. I’m sure it’s maddening to have the fate of your unborn kid in someone else’s hands and not even get a say in it. And yet they go along with whatever we do because they have to. And because they can’t talk about it without sounding like they’re pressuring us. We forget, however, that being supportive doesn’t necessarily equate to them being cool with it.

Dan’s not only confused by her sudden change of heart, he’s frustrated as hell that she keeps turning to Jackie instead of him to discuss it. He’s the one who’ll be drastically affected by her decision, not Jackie. Yet, every time he tries to talk to her, she lashes out at him like he’s a stand-in for the patriarchy itself. She calls him controlling and selfish, claiming that he doesn’t want the baby because he’s lazy and can’t be inconvenienced.

As much as I feel for Roseanne’s predicament and get why she’s so defensive, there’s no denying—she’s being a real bitch. Everything he says pisses her off. Everything. She’s even convinced herself he’s the enemy here, and tells him multiple times this baby’s HERS. When he reminds her that, once it’s out, though, he’s responsible for half of it, she says the meanest thing I’ve ever heard on the show.

“Telling the kids every couple years they can’t have a dog isn’t taking half the responsibility, DAN.”

“So that’s all I am around here? A sperm donor?”

“No, you’re also sort of an ornament.”

Anyone who’s watched the show knows Roseanne doesn’t believe a word of this. Dan’s no deadbeat Homer Simpson-type dad. He’s a loving father who’s super involved in his kids’ lives. But he shuts down after this bellow-the-belt jab. She’s left him no choice.

By the end, the personal has become so political in the Connor household that Roseanne’s even accusing poor DJ, her ten-year-old son, of trying to pressuring her into an abortion.

The truth all comes out when Dan gets busted for not painting the crib. Roseanne thinks it’s just him passive aggressively trying to bully her into killing their baby. But when Jackie follows him out to the garage to bitch him out, we learn what’s really going on. He’s afraid if Roseanne does decide to have an abortion, the painted crib will be make her feel guilty. And the reason he doesn’t want a sick baby? He’s afraid it will destroy their marriage. Or worse, tear apart their family due to the financial and emotional stress of a sick child.

My Xena: Warrior Princess-side had assumed Dan was being a real dick until this moment. But the show forced me to see that he, like a lot of husbands, is crazy about wife and was actually looking out for her best interest. And that of the family.

Until I saw this episode, I never once thought about or cared what men wanted in these situations. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Surely we can fight for our rights and make the decisions ourselves while still being empathetic enough to listen to the men who love us most.

Twenty-two years later, though, we still don’t see shows doing this.

Melanie Hamlett is a writer, storyteller, comedian, and public speaker based out of LA. She’s also regular on the Risk! podcast, created Smashing Stories, and performs regularly when she’s not sleeping in the back of her truck in the woods or living abroad.

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