We are a hard working family, striving to pay the mortgage on our condo townhouse. Last year, the unit next door sold; the new owner is a mother with three kids. The youngest has mental and physical disabilities. Since day one, the noise level is overwhelming; the walls and floor vibrate. It’s hard to sleep, study (my kid is at university), or work. During a casual conversation, I explained the issue to the mother; she told me the disabled kid kicks the walls. She said she’d take care of the situation . . . but no change so far. What should I do?

You have a right to peace and quiet.

Check your condo bylaws. There’s almost certainly a clause requiring residents to limit unreasonable noise. Unfortunately, many condo townhomes, especially older ones, were built out of papier-mâché and spit. We used to live in one, and when the neighbours had sex I got excited.

Rules, however, are rules, and enforcing them is not your responsibility. It’s the responsibility of the board, usually working through the management office.

On one level, then, you should document the times and nature of the disturbances over the next while. Then write (politely) to the board, copy to the property manager, informing them of the problem and asking them to address it. It is then up to the board to investigate, determine whether the noise is above reasonable levels, and work with offending owner to alleviate the situation. Legally, the board is required to act. If they don’t you can take them (not your neighbour) to court.

But wait, your situation is more complicated than that. Strictly speaking, the fact that the kid is disabled is not your problem — but even saying that, while true, is incredibly callous. Your neighbour is single-parenting three young kids, one of them multiply challenged. She’s likely close to the end of her tether.

When folks are under stress, things mentioned in a “casual conversation” don’t always hit home. So before writing to the board, try a more formal meeting with your neighbour. Once you’ve documented the problem for a couple of weeks, call and tell her you have a concern that you need to discuss.

Schedule time for a face-to-face. Phone conversations are subject to misinterpretation. Bring your list of interruptions and lay them on the table. Prepare to be friendly but firm. Go through the list so she understands the scope of the problem; make clear that this simply can’t continue.

It would be really terrific if you felt able to offer assistance in addressing the situation. Maybe she needs help to move the kid to a different bedroom? Maybe there are ways to insulate the wall between your units? Maybe your university kid could help out with the whelps next door to give mom a respite?

It doesn’t sound like life is being terribly kind to this family. Again, that’s not your problem, granted. But if mom really is at the end of her rope, any offer of help, or even an attitude of understanding, may do more to effect change than the heavy hand of a property manager who just wants this to go away.

Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca