TORONTO – The emergence of EQAO test results that show half of grade 6 students failing to meet the provincial math standard has prompted the Ontario government to reveal their plan to raise a generation that cannot make sense of the province’s monstrous debt.

“On the one hand, yes, these children are under-equipped to handle the basic calculations they may encounter outside of school as well as the more difficult problems they’ll see in higher grades,” said Education Minister Mitzie Hunter. “But on the other hand, they are more than equipped to not understand what it means for Ontario to owe 300 billion dollars, and thus be the world’s most indebted sub-sovereign borrower.”

“Plus, there is absolutely no way they could understand how abysmal our deficit spending plan is.”

The test, whose math component included questions on volume, fraction arithmetic and the cancelled Ontario Retirement Pension Plan, was designed to measure students’ aptitude in math, reading and writing, as well as how effectively they use all three to understand the Wynne government’s fiscal record. Luckily, the Premier said, they “did not.”

“I’m so, so proud of our children. Not only do they lack the skills to compare the magnitudes of dollar amounts and to interpret debt-vs-time graphs, but their subpar performance on division questions means they will not be able to burden themselves with the correct knowledge of our increasing debt-to-GDP ratio.”

When asked about the fifty percent of students who did well, Wynne added, “There’s more than enough time before their next EQAO test to ensure they satisfy the provincial standard of complacency with questionable spending practices.”