Washington, D.C. – Relief washed over Carl Hill’s face after his wife told him that the government shutdown was ending, as he realized he would finally be able to polish off the P.F. Chang’s he left in the fridge over 35 days ago. When his wife warned him that the food had most likely gone bad, Hill assured her that the combination of P.F. Chang’s spices, as well as an abundance of MSG, made the leftovers virtually immune to any decomposition.

“Honey, the signature spices that have made P.F. Chang’s a bedrock of American cuisine have basically transformed all of their dishes into superfoods,” reassured Hill. “There’s no better way to celebrate putting the shutdown behind us and getting back to serving the country than by downing the rest of my Chang’s Lobster & Shrimp Rice before 9 a.m.”

Despite being barred from work for over a month, this isn’t the longest period of time that Hill has gone between putting leftovers in the fridge and then eating them for lunch. In 2012, he forgot about his Cajun Chicken & Shrimp Pasta from Bennigan’s for over three months, and had to be rushed to the hospital after eating it.

However, Hill said that the episode of violent diarrhea was unrelated to the food and most likely due to “some jerk in the office coming in sick.”

In addition to eating his leftovers, Hill is also looking forward to seeing how his pet goldfish has been doing for the past month, and is cautiously optimistic that he won’t have to change the tank water.

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