Men Wearing A Military Helmet And Nothing Else In Western Art History

ah, Achilles, you must be careful against the wrath of the sons of Priam

NEVER

THEY WHO HAVE SLAIN PATROCLUS WILL DIE AT THE HANDS OF A NAKED MAN

NAKED IS MY SWORD, MY GRIEF, AND MY BODY

at least wear a helmet

VERY WELL

BUT NOTHING ELSE

but if they shoot at anyplace on your body besides your head –

THEN THEY SHALL BE SHOOTING AT A NAKED AVENGING SPIRIT

a CAPE, Agamemnon?

yes, why not wear a FULL BODY SACK into battle?

are you ashamed of your iliac furrow, that you would drape your torso near-entire in some sort of shameful gown?

what kind of man wears clothes to war

war is for full nudity and a fancy hat

maybe sandals

everyone knows that

EVERYONE knows that

how will the enemy see your nipples

leave the breastplate and the shield on the floor

where they belong

in my day all a man needed was a mustache and a carefully arranged penis sash to meet his enemies on the fields of battle

I’d rather die fighting than live in a world where a man has to cover his torso just to protect it from spears

at last, my love

I have shed the tunic and the armor of a boy

and donned the light sandals and the dick-ribbon of manhood

DRIVE ME INTO THE SEA IF YOU MUST

I’D RATHER DROWN THAN COVER THIS GLORIOUS NAVEL

armor?

would you put armor on Mount Olympus?

or a

or a sunset?

or a beautiful, beautiful man?

COME, LADS

TO WAR

BE SURE NOT TO AIM YOUR SPEARS AT THEIR HELMETS

THAT’S WHERE THEIR HELMETS ARE

SHOES, Ajax?

and deny the other Greeks the sight of these shapely ankles?

what is even the point of warfare if you cannot compare your feet against those of the men of Troy?

Father, please

get your…get yourself and those clothes back in the house before someone sees you like this

for God’s sake

I cannot even see your buttocks

“take a breastplate with you, Gaius,” she said

“at least cover your genitals and major arteries,” she said

“if you even just wore a cloak you’d have something to store food and arrows in,” she said

every man in the cohort may be dropping dead by my side

but GET THIS ARSE

VICTORY AT LAST, LADS

NO NEED FOR FORMALITIES

TAKE THOSE RIDICULOUS SHOES OFF, LET ME SEE YOUR TOE-STRAPS

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