Schools serve an important function in any society, as they help educate children while also instilling a set of common values that help them function in the outside world. However, it can be difficult for a school to reflect certain values without clashing with the different ideas parents might have about conduct. In one particular case, a father locked horns with his daughter’s school after a confrontation that began with an apparent violation of the school’s dress code.

Dad To The Rescue

Every school is a little different, and those differences definitely extend to things such as what you are allowed to wear when you show up for the day. Some schools have uniforms, while others have certain rules about what can and can’t be worn.

Demetra Alarcon was a student at a school that had a zero-tolerance policy on dress length. She showed up for school one day without any idea that her attire for the day was going to set up a huge fight between the school and her father.

Kind Of Embarassing

When 13-year-old Demetra Alarcon showed up for school, it wasn’t as if she’d be the first girl ever to be penalized or corrected for wearing attire that violates the school’s dress code. It has happened to all kinds of students over the years.

However, it’s still a pretty awkward situation even under the best of circumstances. Some schools say that you have to wear a dress or skirt of at least knee length, and if you don’t, you’re taken aside by a staff member or worse yet, confronted in front of the class.

Summertime Blues

You are definitely more likely to see these types of dress code violations when the weather starts to heat up. With the arrival of summer comes warmer weather and a tendency for girls to wear shorts, dresses, skirts, or even tops with thin straps.

While most of the time, girls put on those types of outfits without any thought about it, schools have a different approach and may sometimes deem certain clothes as inappropriate. Then, you can easily end up in the principal’s office.

California Girl

Demetra Alarcon was a regular 13-year-old girl from California. She was into most of the things her peers tended to like and dressed like a lot of the other kids her age. On the day in question, she decided to wear a romper to school to be comfortable.

Demetra later said that she wore the romper simply because it was a hot day and it would be a comfortable outfit. However, the dress code is in place to supposedly avoid “distractions,” and the school felt the outfit could be distracting to others.

Demetra’s Dad

Demetra’s father is Tony Alarcon. Tony has always had a passion for real estate and also has over 20 years of experience as an independent investment banker. He has always been a major role model in Demetra’s life, of course.

On Tony’s LinkedIn profile, he said that he is “passionate about applying the art and science of financial analysis and risk mitigation.” He founded Legacy Wealth Ventures, an investment organization in the San Francisco bay area.

Sister Act

Demetra has always had the support of her parents; that much is a given. However, she also has always had the support of her older sister, Gwyneth Alarcon. The two grew up very close, despite the occasional spat that you might expect among siblings.

Middle school can be a tough time in any young person’s life, but Demetra definitely had a leg up on some of her peers due to her strong family life. However, there’s one person we still haven’t introduced in this story.

Mommy Dearest

Demetra has always been pretty close with her mom, whether they are posing for cute photos together to post on Instagram or just spending time together at home. Her mom is definitely one of the top influences she has had in her life so far.

You can see how happy the two are together in this photo. It was taken on Demetra’s mother’s birthday. Demetra was proud of the pic and couldn’t wait to share it with her friends online. “Happy birthday momma!” she wrote in the caption. “Love you more.”

Dress Code Violation

Let’s get back to the day of the dress code violation. On that particular day, Demetra didn’t think she had anything to worry about regarding the romper she chose to wear. After all, her parents had given her permission to wear it to school.

Certainly, if it was okay with her parents, it would be all right with the school, right? It turned out that wasn’t the case. When Demetra’s dad found out about the dress code conflict, he thought about what to do before deciding upon a response.

Hot Day At School

It was 90 degrees out on the day that Demetra showed up to Raymond J. Fisher Middle School, which is located in Los Gatos, California. Again, she had chosen to wear the blue romper because it would be comfortable given the hot temperatures that day.

Unfortunately, not long after she got to school, some of the teachers noticed the outfit and didn’t think that it was in accordance with the dress code. One of the teachers decided to speak up and tell her it was too short to be worn there.

Past Problems

Before we go too far with this particular day, it’s worth mentioning that this wasn’t the first time that Demetra had run into problems due to the school’s dress code. Previously, she had been told a top was inappropriate because her bra strap was showing.

Later on in an interview, she expressed incredulity that the previous outfit had been deemed to violate the dress code. “Lord forbid I might be wearing a bra,” she said sarcastically during an interview with the San Jose Mercury News.

Back To School

On the hot day in question, Demetra’s teacher decided to call her dad, Tony. Her father was advised about the situation and given a couple of options. He could either bring her up a change of clothes that fit the dress code or have her go home for the day.

Tony said “Okay” went home and grabbed Demetra a new outfit. The outfit included a tank top with spaghetti straps and a pair of short denim shorts. Demetra quickly got dressed and when she came back into the room, the administrators still were not happy.

The Touch Test

The administrator told Demetra’s father that the new outfit also did not meet the dress code, and he couldn’t believe it. He had a much different opinion on what constituted appropriate school attire than the administrator seemed to have, as it became clear.

“I asked Demetra to bend over and touch her toes, right in front of the administrator,” said Tony later on in an interview. “And I said, ‘Nothing is hanging out. There’s nothing inappropriate. I don’t understand this dress code rule.'”

Why They Said “No”

As Demetra’s father, Tony, sat waiting for an explanation, the school official started to explain. It was the length of the romper that made it a dress code violation, and the shorts were just as short as the romper, the administrator explained.

According to Tony, he was told that the clothes could be distracting to the boys. As such, Tony’s only option was to give Demetra a pair of leggings for the day. Demetra said the leggings were uncomfortable in the heat, although the school obviously had air conditioning.

It’s Unfair

Demetra’s reaction seems equal parts understandable and like a bit of grandstanding. She said she felt “picked on” by the officials, even though the dress code clearly did state that shorts and dresses have to extend to the tip of the wearer’s fingertips.

Where Demetra had a better point was in the fact that the dress code seems to be much more restrictive for girls than for boys. Then again, people pointed out, boys are not very likely to wear extremely short shorts or tight fitting clothes.

Enforced Equally?

Demetra also said that among the rules that are in place for the dress code, they aren’t enforced consistently. For instance, the dress code stated that boys aren’t supposed to wear hats during school, but according to Demetra, it happens often.

“They don’t write you up for hats,” Demetra said. “I know one guy who wore a hat to class every day last year, and he was never written up.” This inequality did not escape Demetra’s father’s attention, either. Tony thought things were unfair, too.

Dad’s Got Her Back

Demetra wasn’t the only one who felt that the school was enforcing its dress code with favoritism. He said that the dress code needs to be applied equally to all students and complained that this was not yet happening at the school at the time of the incident.

“Demetra isn’t alone,” Tony said. “Just sit in Fisher’s parking lot and you’ll see that.” Also, just as Demetra did, Tony pointed out that he felt that the school’s dress code was primarily concerned with what female students chose to wear.

Warm Weather

According to critics of the school’s dress code, one of the biggest flaws that it had was that it was not compatible with seasonal weather and the warmer temperatures that can be expected in California. When students wanted to wear lighter clothes, they were punished, Tony said.

The day in which Demetra ran afoul of the dress code was August 28, one of the first days after summer break concluded and a day with 90-degree temperatures. Tony argued that some leniency is needed on such extremely hot days, if nothing else.

Polling The Students

Demetra’s dad, Tony, wanted to get an idea of how the rest of the school’s students felt about the dress code, so he decided to ask them. He spoke with many of Demetra’s friends and found that they also agreed that the dress code was flawed.

“I’ve heard from multiple girls that they just want to be comfortable, but they feel like they’re being pushed into wearing leggings in 100-degree heat,” Tony said. “I was told by an administrator that the girls’ clothes are a distraction to the boys. That shouldn’t be a concern.”

Still Embarrassed

During an interview with Today, Tony attempted to point out the problem that he had with the dress code. He said there was no reason to make an issue of what a girl Demetra’s age wears, as she’s just a middle school girl who wants to be comfortable.

Furthermore, Tony said that Demetra continued to be “embarrassed and upset” even after the incident had been passed. He said it was a natural reaction for someone after “you get pulled out of class in front of everyone.”

Let The Parents Decide

It’s hard to criticize a policy if you don’t have a better idea in mind. To that end, Tony was asked how he would change the dress code if given the chance. He said simply that he would let the parents decide what their kids could wear instead of the school.

Of course, the problem with that would be that some parents really don’t care what their kids do or may be negligent. Maybe they’re already gone for work when their kids get dressed? It’s not hard to see why some sort of dress code may be required.

Talking About His Views

Demetra’s dad was ready to take this issue as far as he could, because he thought that the school’s implementation of the dress code was extremely faulty. He shared his ideas with news stations as well as on NextDoor.com and other online sites.

He pointed out some of the terms used in the dress code and the items that were barred, including “tank tops with spaghetti straps,” that “underwear and midriffs not be visible,” and that students can’t wear “short shorts (inseam less than four inches).”

“It Needs To Change”

Tony left no room for interpretation when he spoke to the local media about the dress code policy. “I mean, today it’s 90 degrees outside and she’s wearing leggings because she doesn’t want to be dress-coded for wearing shorts,” he told one interviewer.

“And it’s not OK. It needs to change,” Tony continued. Of course, as his critics pointed out, it’s not that shorts weren’t allowed, but that they had to have a certain length to them in order to meet the school’s dress code.

A Wider Discussion

Tony did not realize it at first, but his dress code row with the school would contribute to a larger discussion about girls, sexualization of teens, and body image issues. Many people seemed to support him, while others didn’t agree totally.

“Your post has reminded me of some fairly serious body image issues of my own that have stemmed from our cultural shaming and sexualizing of girls’ bodies,” said one commenter who was responding to one of Tony’s posts. It’s an interesting take.

The Principal’s Response

If you expected that nobody at Raymond J. Fisher Middle School would have a response for Tony’s words and thoughts on the matter, you’d be wrong. Principal Lisa Fraser was one of the administrators that responded to the controversy during an interview.

The dress code was not a new thing, she pointed out. “There has always been a dress code,” she said. “These are standards for reasonable decorum.” Although Demetra’s dad disagreed with her on the matter, he did say that he respected her point of view.

Differences Of Opinion

Tony seemed to back off of his “it should be the parents’ choice” point of view after the principal spoke out about the dress code. Tony finally agreed that there should be some boundaries about what to wear at school; he just disagreed with what they should be.

“The dress code should require clothes to cover body parts – nothing should be hanging out – I agree 100 percent,” Tony said. “But wearing spaghetti straps and tank tops does not make them disrespectful or appropriate.” Where would the parties go from here?

A Big Meeting

All of the dress code controversy was building to a head, and it was decided that there needed to be a meeting so that everyone could have their voices heard in a respectful manner. Maybe some sort of a resolution or fix could be reached by everybody involved.

It was just two weeks after the incident when the meeting took place, but already a lot of words and ideas had been exchanged. The administrators and parents met to discuss the school’s dress code and see what might happen.

Drawing The Line

Principal Fraser led off the meeting in a way that would set the tone for the discussion. She said that she knew everyone had different opinions on the matter and that there would have to be a compromise between individual freedom and school rules.

“I do reserve the right to set guidelines for the school,” Principal Fraser said. “But I want to lead with the pulse of the community and reflect the community’s core values.” After that, everyone discussed their ideas and opinions on the dress code.

Sticking With The Rules

During the meeting, everybody got to have their say on what they believed and tried to back up their ideas with facts and solid rationale. When the meeting finally wrapped up and everyone went back to their homes, would the dress code change at all?

As it turned out, nothing was changed about the dress code at that time. The administrators decided that it would be best to keep the rules as they were for the time being. It’s worth noting that there were many parents who actually supported the rules as they were.

Moving On

Although Demetra and her father were disappointed that nothing came of all of their efforts to change the dress code, Demetra had to move on and focus on her studies regardless of the outcome. Anyway, at the conclusion of the school year, Demetra graduated and moved on to high school.

At the same time, Demetra’s older sister, Gwyneth, graduated from Los Gatos High School and moved on to the next chapter of her life. Although the dress code battle was a bit contentious, Tony, his wife and the girls realized that it wasn’t the end of the world.