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Let me be clear from the beginning: There is no evidence that the prime minister knew about those free lunches in his office that cost the taxpayers $67,000.

One person and one person alone bears responsibility: Nigel Wright, a good man gone horribly wrong. Apparently, the PM’s former chief of staff (or should that be chef-of-staff?) did not merely keep his backroom deals with Senator Mike Duffy from Steve. Nigel also deceived him about the chicken and mushroom fettucine, the pizza and — I might as well say it — the garlic bread and Caesar salad too.

Now, I know you’ve heard rumours that Steve himself participated in this breach of Treasury Board rules, but the PM is different. During those weekly, free chow-downs in the PMO, it was the others who gorged on butter chicken, chicken biryani, pakoras and naan bread. For Steve, it was a working lunch. He worked on the excellent brochette platter from the House of Greek. So what if some people have karma and Steve has veggie korma?

Thank God the Harper government signed up Guy Giorno at $14,000 a month as a legal advisor. For one thing, it was under Giorno’s leadership that the PMO started the practice of free public feedings of Tory staffers, so he knows what he’s talking about. But who could have known that his first big case for Team Harper would come so quickly? Deli-Gate!

Giorno immediately contacted Huffington Post to ask when they would be updating their story to include — are you ready? — the free lunches bureaucrats were also getting. That’s right, apparently the deputy ministers with six-figure salaries were doing the same damn thing: $66,000 worth of stealth breakfasts on the public dime. Way to rat out your former colleagues in government, Guy, as one cynical opposition member put it. A petty and spiteful outburst. Me, I saw the brilliance of Giorno’s tactics — “the everyone’s doing it so it’s okay” defence. Wow.

The Privy Council Office covered itself in glory once again by putting this non-story into perspective. What the Great Unwashed did not seem to understand is that what Cafe DeLuxe, Freshii’s and the House of Greek were really supplying was not lunch per se but a great opportunity to exchange information — at least when they weren’t passing the plum sauce.

Some cynics have observed that you can also exchange information over a coffee. One even stooped to suggest email. Do none of these people watch Downton Abbey?

The ever-reliable Tony Clement reminded everyone of the essential facts here: that there are no facts. The president of Treasury Board stated plainly and simply that the lunches fell within his department’s guidelines — end of story. It was Tony’s riff on the Nixonian tradition: If your Treasury Board president says it, it must be so, especially in the decree democracy of Steve.

Some in the media and the Opposition are trying to blame this whole thing on Steve, just because those lovely lunches took place in his office. How quickly they forget: The prime minister doesn’t know what goes on in his office.

The Treasury Board guideline stating that ‘hospitality’ can be extended only outside of normal working hours means nothing. I am surprised so many people appear to have missed one of the greatest accomplishments of the Harper government: Gazebo Tony is not just the president of Treasury Board — he is Treasury Board. If he says it’s okay, it’s okay.

The pity of Deli-Gate is that it drew attention away from Jason Kenney’s Teddy Award. Kenney’s department, Employment and Social Development Canada, won the top prize from the Canadian Taxpayers Federation (CTF) for wasting taxpayers money. Kenney, who has apparently taken to heart his colleague’s advice to STFU, was not there to receive his golden pig statue.

Some niggling nabob of negativity over at the CTF thought it was profligate of Kenney’s department to spend $2.5 million on TV commercials during last spring’s NHL playoffs. Why? Because the program the government was promoting — the Canada Jobs Grant — didn’t actually exist.

Missing in that analysis was what made those ads an act of communications genius. By placing their ads in playoff hockey games, the Conservatives were able to alert millions of Canadians to the fact that the program didn’t exist. Be fair. If, as the minister rightly says, it’s an important part of government’s work to let Canadians know about programs which are available, surely it’s just as important that they know which programs are not.

I note the malicious attempt by some in the media and the Opposition to blame this whole thing on Steve, just because those lovely lunches took place in his office. How quickly they forget: The prime minister doesn’t know what goes on in his office.

Oh, I know — they’ll point to the fact that the PMO itself included these ‘technically’ improper free lunches in its disclosures; ergo, the PM would have had to sign off on that document. Do these people really think Harper reads everything that lands on his desk?

Don’t they know how much Steve hates pigs in public life? Back in 1997, when he was president of the National Citizen’s Coalition, Steve outed lots of pigs during the election campaign of that year. In fact, he actually put the heads of two Liberal MPs, Anne McLellan and Judy Bethel, on the bodies of pigs for a newspaper ad campaign against “pension porkers”. I ask you, would a man with swinish leanings do something like that?

And let’s not forget how he outed his own leader in 1994. Steve revealed that Preston Manning had a secret party slush fund of $31,000 that he used to enhance his appearance with a new hair-do and some decent suits. Steve knew that was unacceptable extravagance. Not having a bus in those days, he went public and threw his own leader to the media wolves. Doesn’t that tell you what kind of man he is?

I can already hear the naysayers. They will point out that Steve now has both a personal hairstylist and an image consultant. Steve blew a million dollars taking his limo to India. Steve spent $45,000 dollars dragging his entourage to a Yankees game. Steve rented panda bears for a cool $10 million. Steve pissed away nearly a billion dollars on the G-8 and G-20 Perrier-fests. Now, Steve uses taxpayers’ money to provide free lunch for the Tory munchkin brigade.

All this would lead negative people to ask the question: Who’s the pig now, Steve?

I can only hope that no opportunistic cartoonists sink to the occasion and do something disrespectful.

Michael Harris is a writer, journalist, and documentary filmmaker. He was awarded a Doctor of Laws for his “unceasing pursuit of justice for the less fortunate among us.” His eight books include Justice Denied, Unholy Orders, Rare ambition, Lament for an Ocean, and Con Game. His work has sparked four commissions of inquiry, and three of his books have been made into movies. He is currently working on a book about the Harper majority government to be published in the autumn of 2014 by Penguin Canada.

Readers can reach the author at [email protected]. Click here to view other columns by Michael Harris.

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