Who should read this: Muslims and Ex-Muslims identifying as gay or lesbian (or any member of the LGBT+ community) living in predominantly Islamic communities (e.g. this can be living in East London, Bradford or Bahrain)

If you are a Muslim or an Ex-Muslim who also identifies as a gay, lesbian or any member of the LGBT+ community, coming out to your family would be an unique situation compared to an average LGBT+ individual living in, lets say, Europe, who belongs to a different religion. In this article, we focus on if you should come out as a gay/lesbian in a religous community where doing so might impact your personal safety.

Key questions to ask before you consider coming out to your family or friends:

Do you live in a country where it’s illegal to be gay/lesbian?

Is your local neighborhood significantly religious, e.g. imposes strict codes against free mixing of genders, and condemns young men and women (men and men, women and women) holding hands in public places?

Does your trusted friend circle/cousins use words such as ‘gay’, ‘faggot’ frequently as slangs, as well as express insulting views towards homosexuality or marriage equality?

Did your close friend circle/family ever shared videos of homophobic imams/preachers on Whatsapp, Facebook etc. invoking violence against homosexual individuals or justifying killing anyone who is gay?

Do you come across a lot of news in your local newspaper of gays/lesbians being persecuted, bullied or killed even if your country does not mandate punishing homosexuality?

Even if your family is ‘moderate’ in your perception, do they react with frustration when news of Western countries legalizing marriage equality pops up in the TV or Internet?

Even if your family is ‘moderate’, do they ever express dismissive views towards ideas such as secularism, liberalism, humanism, evolution, mixed gender schooling system etc.?

Did anyone already come out as gay/lesbian in your family or local neighborhood and were subject to discrimination, isolation, disinheritance or even physical violence as a result?

If the answer to all these questions is YES, then it will be dangerous for you to confess to anyone within your social circle that you are gay or lesbian. So if you are thinking about coming out to that best friend you trust with your life, or anyone no matter how much you love them, our advice is that you do not do so without preparing for emergency.

Living in the closet will be one of the most painful things you will experience. It will hurt your mental health. You will be prone to depression, self-harm or worse even suicide. But if you come out in a country or a society where vast majority of people believes homosexuals should be thrown off a roof, made homeless, isolated or disinherited, you will be in a much worse situation. You will be susceptible to depression, thoughts of self-harm will catch you twice as faster and you don’t need to go to the length of considering suicide because a homophobic society will claim your life one way or another. Yes, this sounds harsh. But if we say only nice words and paint a rosy picture of what lies ahead of you if you confess to be a gay or lesbian, then we will be giving you false promise and the misleading information may put your life in danger.

You should understand that no matter how bad it gets staying in the closet, leaving the closet unprepared into a homophobic (and violent) society will be much more dangerous for you.

Guarding yourself against unforeseen danger while socializing

Being surrounded by adversity does not mean you cannot enjoy life and confidently live for yourself, think for yourself. With some precaution for your personal safety to guard yourself against unforeseen harm, you should go out and meet people. Even if you understand that your community will treat you badly after you come out as gay or lesbian, be compassionate to them. It is a sign of a good leader and a smart human being to be a participant in the social activities going around them, meeting people, being conscious of the social and political issues affecting them — such as the pre-existing discriminatory attitude towards homosexuals that you are experiencing and perhaps so does other closet gays and lesbians in your community.

There are a number of online communities where you can remain anonymous and meet other closet and non-closet members of the LGBT+ community. Before you sign up on internet forums and social media, make sure you have taken the steps to protect yourself online so that it is difficult for hackers, cyber-jihadists or your country (that criminalises LGBT+ members) to track your location and arrest you.

so that it is difficult for hackers, cyber-jihadists or your country (that criminalises LGBT+ members) to track your location and arrest you. Do some research to read blogs about the experience of other Muslims and Ex-Muslims who identify as members of LGBT+ community. Reading about other LGBT+ Ex-Muslims’ experience will help you shape your safety plans as some of the accounts tell a difficult story and you should try to avoid them.

Reddit has a large community of Ex-Muslims. You can consider joining it anonymously. Most members are anonymous, friendly and offer very good advice.

Empty closet is a popular LGBT+ forum where you can also meet people (staying anonymous yourself), discuss idea and ask for support.

If you feel lonely, remember both Reddit Ex-Muslims and Empty Closet would be a good place for you to meet like-minded people. You can talk to them, make friends without revealing your real identity and your location.

Taking care of your mental health

LGBT+ members, especially vulnerable individuals living in countries with worst human rights records, are no stranger to depression, self-harm and the baggage of mental health issues they have to experience as a result of living in a homophobic community that demonises them and do not understand their needs.

If you are unable to go out to get help, following are some online sources that can help you understand your mental health and take care of it. A strong mental health is foremost. A mind that does not bend to fear and self-hate can conquer the world. Useful links with further information to take care of your mental health:

How to look after your mental health: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/how-to-mental-health

Elefriend — an online peer group to talk about mental health (remember to be anonymous if you don’t feel safe to reveal your identity): https://www.elefriends.org.uk/

Calm — an online tool that reduces anxiety: https://www.calm.com/

This article is not a comprehensive source of information for LBGT+ Ex-Muslims. However, as we are a new information hub, more content will be added gradually once we have the capacity to do so. For now, if you have specific question, please be anonymous and write us here: http://www.emexs.org/ask

Remember to look after yourself and be proud of who you are, just like we are proud of you ❤️🌈