This week’s UKIP leader looking likely to be sacked by teatime

This week’s UKIP leader has done so badly that she risks being removed before fully serving the customary seven-day tenure normally associated with the position.

Ahead of the launch of the UKIP manifesto later this week, Pat Mountain – a name that is familiar to us all – took part in an interview with Adam Boulton on Sky in which she inadvertently yet efficiently reminded viewers why UKIP are effectively dead in the water already.

“Yes, I saw some clips of the interview on Twitter,” laughed convenient mouthpiece Simon Williams, who always pops up for this kind of things.

“I couldn’t decide whether my favourite bit was the part where she couldn’t name a single constituency they are contesting, or the bit where she proudly said that although there were no black candidates standing for the party, they do have one guy who is ‘Indian or something’.

“It’s that sort of attention to detail that really sets UKIP apart from their rivals in the Brexit Party, but not quite in the way that Ms Mountain probably hopes.”

Political commentator Christopher James noted, “That interview couldn’t have gone worse if she’d turned up clutching a golliwog and wearing a ‘Free Tommy’ t-shirt.

“I’d actually forgotten that UKIP still existed after Farage formed the Brexit Party, so it was refreshing to have a reason for a good laugh in the midst of this election chaos.”

He concluded, “It’s just a shame that looking back on it, David Cameron considered these clowns enough of a threat to his party to call the referendum in the first place.

“I just can’t wait to see who’s going to be next week’s UKIP leader – my money’s on Jim Davidson.”