Tonight I sat in a room with a panel of creative (established) individuals speaking about mental illness.

They spoke about their experiences, it was nice. It was nice because I heard people be vulnerable. It wasn’t nice because I heard more problems than solutions. But this isn’t why I’m writing this article.

The person running this panel was someone who I admired when I was younger. 18 years old to be exact. That person and I did some television segments together right before I started my career in fashion. I remember being intimidated by this person, but I also remember wanting to know this person. This person was an influential person on television at a time where television was still very relevant. A time before youtube personalities. A time before the business of social media marketing. Looking back at it now I empathize with them, because they too might not have been aware of their power, their influence on others. Influence on youth, and the younger generation. I didn’t have a lot of mentors. I was told by many people that its important to have mentors, people that can help guide and teach you things that you might not receive from traditional education or the internet. This person could have been a mentor to me, but they weren’t. They didn’t really care about my well being, didn’t really care about what I had to say, in fact this person wasn’t really a friend. This person, isn’t really relevant anymore. Might I add… I might not be relevant anymore either, but I pride myself in being a mentor. That is for certain. Lets call this person _____ I remember starting my career wishing I had more help, wishing I had someone to look up to. Seeing them tonight brought back fond memories but also memories of superficiality. Memories I don’t really want to go back to.

They were running a panel and I really didn’t have much interest in what they were talking about. Maybe I am a victim of empathy fatigue, who knows. But I noticed one of the individuals started talking about marginalized groups of people and speaking about how it can have effects on them mentally being in the majority. Recognizing they were in the majority. I found it sincere. I then noticed them bringing up those who are First Nations and how we must empathize. After the mention of First Nations people…I heard the word uttered …”and those who do the Trans Lifestyle”.

Trigger.

Immediately afterwards ______, ______who was running the panel asked if anyone had any questions. I raised my hand and asked…”Excuse me, I just wanted to understand what you meant by “Trans Lifestyle”. He immediately said…I didn’t say that. I said…yes you did…you said those exact words. He immediately apologized but insisted he did not say those words.

Accountability. Taking Accountability.

He then finished with…”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way…”I then said…”It’s okay”. What happened next was more than a…Trigger. Their friend who was also on the panel grabbed the mic and said “I just want to say…my son is Transgender and my friend here has known him for years and I just want to make sure no one is looking down on my friend here”. I said…”No No, I apologize I didn’t mean to imply anything, I just wanted clarification. Trans people lack incredible visibility and I just happened to be someone who seeks to keep the conversation going”.

This is was my cue to leave. ______ didn’t say anything. I left.

I went downstairs with a bitter taste in my mouth. I mean…did you really think I was going to sit in a room full of… quite possibly the most influential (cisgender)people in Toronto implying being transgender is a LIFESTYLE CHOICE? Of course not. I had a responsibility to say something, if not for me, if not for other transgender and gender non-conforming people, than for our youth. As a recent study came out that more than 50% of those born after 1995 (Generation Z) not only identity as Queer but know someone that uses They/Them pronouns.

My frustration is that…I could handle that. Of course I can handle that, but could you imagine 18 year old me handling that? 18 year old me being told that being Transgender is a choice? A lifestyle? A lifestyle choice? These are real influential people in Toronto who young people are suppose to look up to and even a father of a transgender individual who’s first reaction is not to defend me, me the person who is told everyday that my identity doesn’t really exist, that my identity is something I chose, that my identity is something that needs to be justified by medically transitioning and not simply the consent of myself….but to defend their long time friend so effortlessly and ignorantly expressing that being Transgender is a LIFESTYLE. I couldn’t believe it. So uncomfortable. Not just for me, but imagine a trans youth living through that experience. Being told by so called role models that their identity is a marginalized lifestyle.

Talk about trauma.

And _____ was just sitting there…probably thinking they are contributing something valuable to society in that moment…probably thinking they are doing the right thing…but in reality they did nothing. I’ve learned a thing or two about inaction and inaction most of the time is just as bad as poor action. This is the bumpy road that I talk about, the bumpy road transgender and gender non-conforming people need to over come in the corporate world. You wonder why transgender people don’t get hired in Toronto?

This is why.

You know why more people are realizing they are Transgender these days? I think it’s because technology is helping us better understand ourselves and realizing that you have struggled with my gender your entire life is not a decision you make. ALSO…you CAN be Transgender & Gender Non-Conforming (Non-Binary).

TRANSITIONING AND BEING TRANSGENDER ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.

The choice to transition whether socially or medically can definitely effect your mental health but really..that is none of your business. It is no ones business to make the decision to change your body or your mind. Not all trans people transition. Not all gender non-conforming people transition. You think you have it worst? I meet trans youth every week that are told by your generation that their identity doesn’t exist.

Your generation being generation X, baby boomers, maturists, corporate Canada…the people running this country. You want to find purpose in your company? in yourself?

How about starting with the thousands of youth in Canada that need you as a role model.