Locals from Margate Central and Cliftonville West are to be transported to a reservation on the former Manston airport site, The Daily Margz has learnt. Over the next two months, the newly-formed East Kent Company will organise the removal of all indigenous peoples to a new, more appropriate, homeland.

The East Kent Company was established by Margate creatives as a means of improving the trade of shops, galleries, restaurants and other cutting-edge startups as well as attracting the right kind of people to the area.

“We realised a more sophisticated final solution was needed,” Louis Mountbatten, CEO of the East Kent Co., told the DM. “To deal with the one impediment to encouraging new pioneers and cool businesses.”



Many in the creative community agree that something needed to be done about this barrier to a reimagined Margz nirvana. Archibald Wavell, artist-entrepreneur who runs the Imperialismus gallery, outlines the problem.



“We are facilitating an exciting, dynamic creative community but the locals don’t seem to be on message with our project. They live in these beautiful Victorian and Edwardian properties but they just don’t appreciate them. Their taste in interior design is quite dreadful and they ignore all our wonderful interventions. Quite frankly, they will be happier in their new reservation with its simple accommodation, cheap take aways and discount shops.”



Wavell claims that every attempt to engage the locals with his CIC gallery was an abject failure including the recent artisanal foie gras pop up.



According to Mountbatten, the whole relocation will be a simple and painless process.



“They will be removed from their houses on a street by street basis. This cleansing process will be quick and efficient taking place at night to avoid too much of a disturbance. Their vacated houses will be ready the next day for our settlers to occupy and restore.”



The reservation will be completely self-contained with a single guarded entrance on Manston Road where residents with permits will be allowed out on day release to do their unskilled manual jobs.



Some creatives, however, do have ‘reservations’. Victor Hop who runs hip new Margz joint La Boîte Fermée does not want this ending up being an isolated ghetto.



“These indigenous folk are often charming if simple, illiterate and uncultured. However, this should not stop us helping them to better themselves by educating them in art and design. We could set up galleries for them on the reservation to sell their handicrafts. The reservation could then be on the itinerary of these Margz art tours. I know this is controversial, but eventually, once we have civilised them, I sincerely believe some of them could even move back to Margz-Cliffz.”

