My santa - the ONE TRUE SANTA - gave me this awesome helm / shield combo, plus it doubles as a baby soother. Just look how soothed. It may yet have other uses of which I am unawares. I will say that it is quite heavy for an infant's toy, but she's got to learn about density and mass at some point. I hope that one day, I too, can grow to be a Santa worthy of the OTS so long as we don't end up in some sort of Highlander-type situation where one must kill and absorb energy from the other. My energy absorption skills are good, but my back has been acting up lately and my sword hand has a baby in it. All in all, should I have to face the ONE TRUE SANTA soon, I fear that OTS would defeat me soundly and then "Ho ho ho" in my face. I can't take that kind of humiliation. Unless...unless I'm drunk at the time. YES! A plan is formed...

EDIT: In an ever-so-vain attempt to limit the almost certain defeat at my hand (I've been practicing), OTS has sent additional gifts to sooth the baby, butter up the wife, and fatten up the man (me, I'm the man). It was also almost certainly meant to be insulting since the OTS made sure each additional gift item was butt-related! OTS, like some magi that lost two friends but somehow still had the gifts, presented the baby with butt paste, me with pork butt rub, and my wife with a butt-kissing gift certificate to a spa. Oh, I am so angry now! How dare OTS out-gift me! Yeah, seriously, now some magical internet Santa has bested me by gifting my wife something that I should have gifted her. Oh, the fires within me rage. But, my wife is happy and my baby's butt is as soft as a baby's butt. Also, I learned that OTS is clairvoyant through the pork butt rub gift as I had already made the sauce and purchased the butt for this weekend's cook. Spooky, but delicious.

Excellent work, Santa. You help make redditgifts worthwhile!