JoCo Cruise Celebrity Artemis, In Which It Is Revealed I Am an Incompetent Captain

This is me playing Celebrity Artemis, as the captain of the USS Redshits (not a typo), with Steve Jackson as my engineer, Wil Wheaton at the helm, JoCo Cruise intern Joel Pattison on weapons (with every other intern pestering him), Ted Leo on science and Mikey Neumann on communications. Everything goes to hell very quickly, and it’s worth watching the whole thing to see the utter chaos that goes down, but if you must scan through for the highlights, fast forward to 12:00, where Ted Leo dramatically (and awesomely) drops the mic, and to 14:20, when I strangle Wil Wheaton; keep watching to see what I do to his corpse.

Seriously, I am a terrible starship captain. Never let me captain your ship.

For contrast, here’s the first ship of evening, captained and crewed far more competently by Jean Grae and friends:

And here’s the ship crewed by the Royal Carribean folks, who were, quite frankly, utterly amazing in how into it they were. It was like watching the UK version of The Office in space:

If you want to play Artemis for yourself, this is where you can get it. Try not to strangle any of your crew.