Even if “The Riz” hasn’t come back by the time you read this, don’t feel jipped. It’s still the second visit J-Real has paid to this humble comic.





Game Reviews: Batman: Arkham Origins / Sleeping Dogs





The weather is fucking horrible, I hear; I’ve been catching up on video games from the last year thanks to the steam winter sale. The two stars, or at least main competitors for my time, have been Sleeping Dogs and Arkham Origins. I saw the old AO on sale the first day of the winter sale, but I decided to wait. Bide my time to find it even more off during a flash or community sale. That day never came, so I had to wait until the last day of the sale for a second crack at it for 50% off. But, I feel lucky regardless because I got the “punch bad guys in the face” blue balls and picked up Sleeping Dogs for 5 bucks. After playing both, I must hold up the hand of the “dangerous” Wei Shen in victory for best “punch all bad faces in the city” game.





I loved the first two Arkham games, which made my salivate in anticipation for Arkham Origins. The idea of a new Batman game sat in the equivalent of the Iron Throne in my head, but after playing AO it’s now occupied by a man from Hong Kong. AO’s new detective reconstruction replay mode was rockin’. So much so that I wanted a lot more of it. Hell, I’d take a boss fight that incorporated it some how, but all the good additions were drowned out by the rehashed boring parts: punching thousands of henchmen and cops in the face and grappling over rooftops for five minutes just to find out I can’t open a door the Riddler locked that prevents me from flying here in the batwing. Not sure how a radio signal would prevent me from flying a machine made of metal and jet fuel to the alley my parents were murdered in, but then maybe I’m not as smart as the Riddler. Oh I’m sorry. Not Riddler, I meant cockbag. I meant time waster. I meant Riddler. I meant Egghead. I meant Enigma.





I don’t remember feeling like I was grinding in Arkham City when I came upon a group of bad guys. I felt like I found some cool sidequest. The sidequests that included all the backstories of bad guys I didn’t even know were in the game was really fun. The telephone killer made flying over the rooftops something approaching thrilling. In AO, I didn’t give a fuck about any of the side quests. Riddler? Don’t care; I did some bad divebombing into high speed gliding just to find a door would remained locked for no reason (getting the glue bomb triggered the event despite the door being reachable through badassery). Anarchist? Blow up whatever you want. Training/VR missions? No thanks. I’ve already done plenty of gliding through circles. Also, quick side note, why the hell can’t Batman sneak into a building? Why doesn’t he have to mangle 30 cops before he can open a door?



I digress. In short, while playing Sleeping Dogs I never felt like I was being fucked around. Even when I had to chase down a wedding cake I felt like my goal was a worthy one. While getting from place to place, I enjoyed driving the Hong Kong, listening to the radio, practicing my Tokyo (irony) drifting, and beating my own record of “longest I’ve gone without running over a person.” I kept wishing this was the Batman game; you stick Batman in Hong Kong and let him drive the Batmobile and Batcycle around? Hell ya, I’m in.