“Well, I am now convinced there is no fear or anxiety anyone has to live with.” – Ricky Williams

Nervous, worried, stressed. If you can name it, I’ve felt it before. I’ve panicked over the basics of learning how to send a tweet recently, and instinctively knew something had to be done. No longer could I live my life burdened and paralyzed by fear. But I didn’t know how to start. What resources could I find to help me shift my thinking? It turns out, the power lay within some self-questioning. After contemplating for a few days, I’ve thought of some questions that have helped illuminate and challenge my own fears. These questions can help interpret and subsequently tackle your own fearful thoughts so you can continue on with the rhythm of your life.

1. How can I actually estimate the likelihood of the fear happening?

This one can be especially difficult to answer. You might assume you have to make a perfect estimate, but as long as it’s an educated guess, it can work. To make an educated guess, pay attention carefully to the details of the fear and notice the patterns of your thinking. How do the details of the fear connect to one another? Also consider using some practical wisdom to help you decide. Common sense or practical wisdom might seem not important, but it can assist you in great lengths in quite a few frightening situations.

2. How is the fear affecting me?

Make a chart listing how the fear is affecting you in different areas of your life. I used to have a fear of being near wasps (still do somewhat). The fear of being near wasps could affect me physically by making me sweat, mentally by having racing thoughts, emotionally by feeling a loss of control in my life and economically by paying more to drive rather than walk. Of course, those are just a few areas. You can also think of how something may affect you spiritually, socially, intellectually, environmentally, and occupationally. And that’s probably not even covering half of it. Still, try to chart some areas which you think are important and compare. You’ll see how the fear is not just affecting you in one area, but multiple dimensions. This can help spur action to change for the better.

3. What are some resources that disprove or offer alternative explanations to my current belief?

Be careful about researching results online. Many resources are not factual at all, and can actually aggravate your negative belief. Good resources are backed up with proven facts, statistics, and figures. If I had a fear of a dog biting me, I could research on a research search engine why dogs attack and how to prevent it by asking a certified animal expert. If that’s not an option, going back to number 1, you could make an educated guess on how likely a dog will bite you. Remember not to necessarily disbelieve your fear, but to question it and see it from a third person perspective.

4. How can I know if my thinking is the problem or if the fear is a real problem?

We often mistake a subjective problem versus an objective one. Your fear might be clouded or misguided, but is the bad thing a problem objectively speaking? Dying by being crushed by a falling piano right now is not a problem, rather my thinking is because it is extremely unlikely and there is no where the piano can fall on me right now. Pianos don’t just fall out of the sky! Conversely, if a mountain lion was stalking me, it would be a problem, because it is happening and poses an actual threat to me. Make a note of the difference and try to practice observing your thought rather than giving in to its demands.

5. What can I learn from someone who has been in a similar situation as me?

Chances are you, you are never going to meet the person who is an exact copy of you. The person who has your exact way of thinking, as well as all of your fears. But I’m sure there are plenty of people who have had similar fears or are currently afraid like you. Pay attention to how they dealt with the problem; how did they resolve it? If they didn’t resolve it, judging by their personality, how do you think they would have dealt with it? Keep a journal of lessons you have learned from different people, and whenever you need inspiration from fear, read it carefully.

6. How would I prepare for the bad thing if I wasn’t afraid?

I know you’re thinking, ”If I wasn’t afraid, I wouldn’t be preparing for it!” But bad things can and do happen, so fear isn’t totally irrational. How you prepare for things which you expect are bad when you aren’t afraid versus when you are can make all the difference. Say I suspect I will fail a test since I haven’t studied for it at all. Rather than sob and skip school if I was afraid, I would try to at least scour through the textbook and ask for help from the teacher. In other words, see difficult moments as opportunity to improve rather than feel sorry for yourself and sink below into despair.

7. How can I break the fear into mini tasks which I can achieve right now?

Although the fear might seem insurmountable and massive, you don’t have to feel like this. The key is to break it down into mini steps which will still help you be on your way to conquering the fear. After all, as cheesy as it sounds, Rome wasn’t built-in a day. If I was afraid to fly on a plane, I could break it down by carefully researching the statistics of dying in a plane crash, practicing calming visualizations, and researching emergency operations. You can apply this to anything. Fears may seem scary, but in the end they are just fears. Live and let go.