PASTA MALDONADO

Ingredients

– 150g of penne pasta

– 1 onion

– 1 garlic clove

– 125g cherry tomatoes

– 1 tbsp olive oil

– A pinch chili flakes

– 75kg carbon fibre

– 750bhp cream cheese

– Salt and chequebook

Preparation method

1. Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil, add the pasta and cook for 12 minutes. Be careful not to scald yourself… Ouch! Oh God, that burns!

2. Meanwhile finely chop the onions… Oh, shit! I’ve just stabbed myself in the face!

3. Next heat the oil in a large, deep frying pan… Oh Jesus H Christ, the whole kitchen’s on fire…

4. Continue to be allowed to cook for another season.

Recipe by Neil Batt