A HUNG parliament in which no politician can achieve any of their policy goals is what Britain is really keeping its fingers crossed for right now.

Across the country, voters are pinning their hopes on no party achieving a majority, leaders refusing to form a coalition, and the delicate machinery of government basically having a live cow shoved into it.

Tom Booker of Stevenage said: “May out of power is definitely the key aim, but also everyone else out of power. Keep the reins of power well away from the fucking lot of them.

“All the party leaders would resign, all the parties would collapse, Brexit talks would be put on hold by the EU on compassionate grounds, and maybe in a few years we’d have an election if they’d found candidates that weren’t cocks.

“Yep, an absolute fucking six-way car crash followed by total paralysis. That’s the dream right now.”