Are you relatively new to this fine metropolis? Don't be shy about it, everyone was new to New York once upon a time... except, of course, those battle-hardened residents who've lived here their whole lives and Know It All. One of these lifers works among us at Gothamist—publisher Jake Dobkin grew up in Park Slope and currently resides in Brooklyn Heights. He is now fielding questions—ask him anything by sending an email here, but be advised that Dobkin is "not sure you guys will be able to handle my realness." We can keep you anonymous if you prefer; just let us know what neighborhood you live in.

This week's question comes from a Bed-Stuy resident dissatisfied with the level of service provided by area deliverymen and deliverywomen.

Dear Native New Yorker,

Is it wrong of me to expect that delivery people should be delivering food directly to my door? 9 out of every 10 restaurants that my roommate, my girlfriend, or I order delivery from refuse to come directly to our door. One time a delivery guy even asked if we could meet him on the street corner a block away. We've had delivery people threaten to drive away without giving us our food if we didn't come downstairs, or even threaten to never deliver here again because we were unwilling to come outside.



I live in the heavily gentrified area between Bed-Stuy and Bushwick, so it's not a particularly dangerous-looking neighborhood, and my apartment isn't hard to access (I live on the 3rd floor in a new, small, not-at-all-imposing building). Yet for some reason, delivery people in this neighborhood seem adamant about not leaving their car/bike parked for 30 seconds.

Is it in the way I tip? I usually order through GrubHub or Seamless and pre-tip 15% or 20% on my card. But I feel like pre-tipping should actually ensure that I get decent service, right? Is it wrong of me to think that delivery means I shouldn't have to leave my apartment (especially if it's raining or snowing outside)? Or am I being a real asshole for not throwing on some slippers and walking downstairs?



Sincerely,

The Hermit in 3A

A Native New Yorker responds:

Dear Hermit:

Let me say first that if restaurant delivery problems are your greatest life challenge, your life is going very well! Think about all the people in Staten Island and the Bronx who can't even get Seamless deliveries, or people a couple of subway stops away in East New York who face a much smaller selection of restaurants, or people in Syria, who are being systematically murdered by a blood-thirsty totalitarian regime. Makes walking down two flights in your pajamas so you can accept your hand-delivered, pre-paid meal seem like pretty small potatoes, right?

What I'm saying is that you've got a stupid problem. But just because a problem is stupid doesn't mean that it's not a problem, or that, when considered from the right angle, it can't teach you some important lessons about this short human life of ours. Allow me to explain!



Jake Dobkin and entourage await the deliveryman in the lobby of his Upper East Side mansion. (Courtesy Jake Dobkin Private Collection)

First, your dilemma illustrates one of the positive side-effects of gentrification, which is that it forces rich people to encounter problems normally dealt with only by the poor. This is important, because this suffering produces empathy, then a spirit of fraternity, and finally, organized political action. This is true for much larger problems, like crime, traffic safety, subway and bus access, and the quality of schools—once some rich people join the fight, politicians, police, and not-for-profits have a tendency to take more notice. This is unfair, of course, and a sign of the terrible inequality in our society, but as pragmatic humanitarians devoted to the uplift of everyone in our city, we need to take whatever opportunities we are given.

Your dilemma actually touches on some of these issues! The reason, obviously, that the delivery guys won't come upstairs is that they are scared of being robbed. This is because they or their deliverymen colleagues have been robbed in your neighborhood before. And this is because your neighborhood was historically a poorer, more dangerous place. Now, the very presence of gentrifiers such as yourself, and the enhanced police attention that it brings, will someday ameliorate much of these fears. But you want your food now, right? Not in ten years, once the arc of moral history has bent towards justice. How do you get it?

The obvious answer, in this and many other New York problems, is to use some of the cash money dollars that our country's extreme inequality has placed in your wallet, and use them to bribe the deliveryman into taking a risk that he is otherwise not willing to take. Your "pre-tip" on Seamless will not cut it here. At many restaurants, I have been told, the Seamless (and other credit card tips) are actually distributed to the delivery staff, but this cannot be guaranteed. Many corrupt managers rip off their employees, and give them only some or none of the money that they are due.

It's worth it to talk a little to your delivery guys. Get to know them. Ask them if the credit card tips are getting to them, and if not, complain at the restaurant and at Seamless, because that shit ain't right. But mostly, just tip in cash. I guarantee that if you start tipping 20% consistently in crisp green bills, always ordering from the same five places, the delivery guys will quickly get to know you, and will be willing to come upstairs. And if not, try 25%!

The best part of all this is that over time, you will not only get faster delivery service to your door, but by changing expectations for service, you will also help your poorer neighbors get their food faster as well. Over time, thousands of these interactions will add up to your neighborhood becoming a more pleasant place to live for everyone. Or at least for those who can still afford to live there—but that's a discussion for another time.

N.B.: Consider extending your appreciation of delivery people even further, by voting for politicians who support paid sick leave and a higher minimum wage for "tipped" workers.

Ask a Native New Yorker anything by emailing our tips hotline.