Article content continued

Marijuana Party

Leader: Blair Longley, tax activist.

Candidates in 2011: 5

Votes in 2011: 1,864

As you might expect from a party formed exclusively around a psychoactive drug, the Marijuana Party didn’t bother to draft any policies. There’s no platform or campaign promises, aside from the implied promise that they will probably legalize cannabis, or something. In recent months, most of Canada’s semi-legitimate pot crusaders have left to campaign on behalf of Justin Trudeau’s Liberals, leaving the party in the not tremendously capable hands of Longley, whose online bio is a disjointed novella-length 19,000 words—much of it exclamation marks.

—

Pirate Party of Canada

Leader: Roderick Lim

Candidates in 2011: 10

Votes in 2011: 3,198

The Pirate Party was founded by computer nerd file-sharers, which means they have one of the best websites of any of the fringe parties. It also means they have nobody in the room to tell them that it’s not okay to wear fedoras in their official campaign portrait. The party was founded on the principle of loosening copyright laws, although they’ve got other ideas like a guaranteed minimum income, open-source government and other such things that people can’t shut up about on online gaming forums.

—

Rhinoceros Party

Leader: Sebastien Corriveau

Candidates in 2011: 14

Votes in 2011: 3,819

Throughout various incarnations since 1963, the Rhinoceros Party has sought to bring levity to the sometimes tearfully boring spectacle of a Canadian election. In previous elections, they’ve promised to make the Trans-Canada Highway one-way, and count the Thousand Islands to see if the Americans have stolen any. This election, the party has pledge to privatize the military, nationalize Tim Hortons and tax the black market. One of the party’s former candidates, by the way, is Guy Laliberté. The Quebec busker ran for the party in 1980, only four years before he would found Cirque de Soleil, the enterprise that would turn him into a billionaire space tourist.

—

Progressive Canadian Party

Leader: Sinclair Stevens, former MP

Candidates in 2011: 9

Votes in 2011: 2,925

With a name and logo that is eerily similar to that of the former Progressive Conservative Party, the entire purpose of the Progressive Canadian Party seems to be trying to fool confused seniors into voting for them. Fortunately, that demographic has never been stronger. The party’s leader was once an MP for the Progressive Conservatives, in fact, but now he’s largely known for championing the idea that Stephen Harper is going to accidentally cause Quebec to separate.