Quick Dating Tips – Makin’ DRANKS

April 10, 2012

So, somehow, this is something I’ve completely forgotten to mention in my post about becoming attractive.

This is ESPECIALLY good advice for the college kids out there, as it will make your otherwise unremarkable ass stand out. Also, you’ll practice your procedural thinking, problem solving, improvisation, and hand-eye coordination.

Anyway, let’s put the following hypothetical situation into play:

You’ve just been on a fun night out on the town with a new girl that you met a week ago at _____. But, last call comes around and neither of you are ready to stop hanging out – intrigue! What to do? You suavely suggest you hang out at your place. She makes a joke about how her mom only lets her stay out until 2, and then agrees, because f*ck that noise (she don’t even live in her mom’s house no more!).

You both get to your apartment, but as you turn your key to get into your place, you realize that though she’s probably already in the bag (or sack, as it were), you still want to play it cool. You want to be a good host, and though you’re confident you can deliver in bed, you want to leave more than just the typical impression. But how?

No, you’re not going to have sex while wearing your Boba Fett mask. Instead, I’ll have you learn to do something that has worked for me many, many times.

What I’m going to detail below is kind of the Holy Grail of Male Ballerness, which is slightly different from the actual Holy Grail of Male Ballerness, because it’s actually just called “knowing how to make a good drink.” Though now that I’m looking back and realizing that a grail is a cup, this metaphor is working on at least one more level than I expected it to.

I probably mentally included this endeavor in my “knowing how to cook spiel,” but having a working knowledge of drinks – beer, wine, and cocktails – is definitely a unique plus in and of itself when it comes to that special couple hours where you and your new female friend are back at your apartment after a fun night, and she’s waiting for you to impress her just a liiiittle bit more before she decides it’s business time.

For the sake of brevity, in this article, I’m focusing only on stocking and preparing yourself to make some good cocktails, versus knowing lots about wine or beer.

“But Vichet! I don’t have any of the equipment I need!”

You really only need a few things to make most drinks:

The pretty much any other tools you need else you need can be improvised with things you already have.

“Okay… I guess that was simpler than I thought. But I still have no idea what liquors I need.”

This is where you will need to get creative (based on your budget). I personally just stock my bar based on a combination of what I make best – gin and vodka cocktails, and the occasional margarita – and whatever is on sale at the liquor store (hey, multiple bottles of booze get expensive).

Vichet’s actual stock:

Vodka (Stolichnaya or Russian Standard)

Gin (Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray, New Amsterdam, or Hendrick’s)

Light Tequila (El Mayor Blanco)

Light Rum (Cruzan)

Triple Sec (Montezuma)

Dry Vermouth (Martini Rossi)

With those, I can make all of my favorite drinks, and force those drinks on my friends.

However, if you’re not really sure what you like yet, there’s a really neat Gizmodo article the “five most mathematically essential bottles of booze.” They even give label suggestions! Although, if you want really good aggregate ratings, go to Proof66.



Anyway, according to Gizmodo, with vodka, gin, bourbon, bitters, and sweet vermouth, you can make the largest cross section of established cocktails possible given only 5 alcoholic ingredients and a smattering of household mixers like sugar, fruit juices, soda, and the like.

Either way, the underlying wisdom here is that you need a few base liquors (vodka, gin, tequila, whiskey, etc) and a couple of mixing spirits (vermouth, triple sec, bitters, liqueurs, etc) to round out your alcohol list.

Also, most liquor stores have sales, even on premium liquors. It helps to have sampled many liquors so that you know a good deal when you see one. Just the other day I got a fifth (1/5th gallon or 750 ml) of Hendrick’s gin for 22 bucks, when it’s normally 28.

How do you actually decide what you want to buy, versus just doing what Vichet suggested? I dunno, man, take a f*ckin’ risk for once in your life.

“Alright! I spent 120 bucks getting all my ingredients together! Now what else do I need?”

Here’s what I always keep in stock:

Fresh lemons and limes (for both their juice AND their rinds)

Seltzer

Tonic (I use diet)

Sugar (you can make your own simple syrup, or just muddle it)

Cranberry juice

Orange juice

As you probably guessed, the top three ingredients up there are the ones I use most frequently.

Most of you probably already have a lot of that lying around, and if you don’t, it’s at most an extra 10 bucks at the grocery store. Quick tip – if you’re making a drink that requires both seltzer and sugar, you can get away with just using tonic (sweetened carbonated water with almost no quinine in it) in a pinch.

“Sweet! What should I make?”

That depends, bro. But, for point of reference, I’ll make a list here of my favorite, simplest drinks, as well as a quick blurb on each of them. For actual recipes and instructions, Google them.

An important thing to know about all cocktails is that proportions vary depending on who you ask, and your own taste. For example, I prefer my martinis to have only a splash of vermouth, and either Bombay Sapphire or Hendrick’s gin. Your mileage may vary, so try it, and improvise around whatever shortcomings present themselves to you.

From MANLIEST (dry, unsweet) to GIRLIEST (fruity, sweet), Vichet’s top 5 simple drinks are:

Dry Martini (Gin, dry vermouth, lemon peel)

This is kind of the ultimate feel good drink. You WILL feel this one after you finish it. It gets the job done and is very simple to make, but requires patience to make well. Stir it, don’t shake it, because you will melt too much ice into your gin by shaking, and the aeration will make it look cloudy instead of clear. Gin tonic (Gin, tonic, lime wedge – optional: splash of cucumber juice)

Always a good standard. I order it when I can’t think of what else I’d rather have. A good balance between sweet and complex, as long as you choose a dryer gin. Vodka soda (Vodka, seltzer/club soda, lime wedge)

The “True Neutral” of drinks, this one is just pleasant. The soda makes the vodka more interesting, as does the hint of lime. Tom Collins (Gin, lemon juice, simple syrup or muddled sugar, splash seltzer – optional: sprig of mint)

This is my summer drink, but I like to have it all year long. Equal parts gin and lemon juice, with a splash of simple syrup, shaken with ice, and then topped off with seltzer. If you can’t already imagine how that tastes, you need to try one. Be careful though – sweet and summery as it is, this is one of the strongest drinks I make. NEVER use sour mix. Don’t insult your gin with that bullshit. Margerita, rocks (Light tequila, triple sec, lime juice)

This drink is actually a lot simpler than those frozen monsters that TGI Fridays shucks at you. There are a lot of variations on how you should make it, depending on whether you want it more sweet or sour, but I usually go for a 4-2-2 ratio in terms of tequila, triple sec, and lime juice. Shake it all with ice and pour the whole affair into a martini glass. Or, if you’re lazy like me, a coffee mug. WAY better than coffee in the morning.

I have a few other favorite drinks, like mojitos, Manhattans, white Russians and the like, but they usually require more ingredients or prep.

As for other suggestions in general, look up the recipes for the following. You might like them:

Manhattan

Mojito

Gimlet

Old fashioned

Martinez

Long Island Iced Tea (you need a lot of things for this)

White Russian

Black Russian (for when you don’t have heavy cream)

“But Vichet, I’m not trying to impress you! What drinks will GIRLS like?”

You mean whoever you’re with won’t be down with a dry martini? How DARE she?!

Just kidding. For serious, though, a lot of the manlier (strong as hell) cocktails I mentioned up there , especially numbers 3, 4, and 5 will be enjoyed plenty by girls.

But, if you must, here is a list of other cocktails you can make that are simple and, for whatever reason, are consumed mostly by girls:

Rum and Coke (Duh. Add a lime wedge, though – brownie points)

(Duh. Add a lime wedge, though – brownie points) Gin and ginger (Gin and ginger ale)

(Gin and ginger ale) Cosmopolitan (Vodka, triple sec, lime juice, cranberry juice)

(Vodka, triple sec, lime juice, cranberry juice) Vodka tonic (Like the vodka soda, but sweeter. Add lime wedge)

(Like the vodka soda, but sweeter. Add lime wedge) Pina Colada (Light Rum, cream of coconut, pineapple juice and wedge)

(Light Rum, cream of coconut, pineapple juice and wedge) Tequila Sunrise (Tequila, orange juice, splash of grenadine)

(Tequila, orange juice, splash of grenadine) Bay Breeze (Vodka, pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lime wedge)

The list goes on. There are plenty of other publications out there that can tell you how to make a good “girlier” drink.

Though, based on experience, having a girl watch you make a manly drink, and then her being curious about it, and – gasp – actually liking it, provides that level of “I just discovered something really cool about this guy that I’m seeing” factor that makes her want to stick around. In conclusion, this post, like most of my posts, is mostly about being and feeling baller, as well as learning a practical skill. I mean, if you already got her to your place, you could probably do anything short of putting on a Boba Fett mask and she’s still up for a ride on Kingda-Ka. She’s already made her decision, or is at least heavily considering it. Being a good host just helps it along, and makes her comfortable enough to come again (zing!).

So, there you have it. If you think the ladies don’t appreciate a guy who can make a drink, you’re doing it wrong.

Added bonus! After she learns that you’re really good at making drinks and in bed (and maybe you even poach an egg something awesome for breakfast), she goes and tells all of her friends, and suddenly you have a (suave) reputation.

Now, how did that happen? Thank me later.