Jesus or My Jewish Husband?

DeDe Jacobs-Komisar’s previous dispatches from Orthodox Jewish feminism can be found here.

1. He’s great at woodworking and generally pretty handy.

2. Sometimes I ask for a cup of water and he brings me a glass of wine and it’s like whoa, how did you know?

3. He bakes amazing challah and has been known to turn out vast quantities. Sometimes fish as well.

4. He covers his Semitic face in an untrimmed beard. Few mortals have ever seen his chin.

5. He has a complicated relationship with his father.

6. He’s not a big fan of authority, Pharisees, or money-changers, and really hates that thing where they auction off honors in the middle of shul.

7. He is often surrounded by loving-yet-headstrong disciples that some refer to as his “children.”

8. He was born of a virgin, or so he’d prefer to believe.

9. He has a tendency to orate at length about social justice and religion and the annoyingness of rich people, often while perusing the New York Times Sunday Real Estate section.

10. He prefers lounging in loose robes to ever having to put on pants.

11. As a youth, he was rebellious, experimented, and liked to blow shit up.

12. His (hand)writing has lent itself to multiple, much-debated interpretations over the years.

13. He was definitely not born on December 25.

14. Many are dubious as to whether he’s the messiah.

15. He’s just this guy, you know?