“The path that you are on will not be easy, but I will be with you the entire way”

These words, spoken to me through a translator by a Shaman in Peru, are seared into my soul. He was right: the path has been hard and I feel him right beside me right now, even as I type this from thousands of miles away, more than a year later, and seemingly a lifetime removed.

I’ve debated telling this story for obvious reasons. Despite the psychedelic renaissance our culture is experiencing at long last, revealing something so intense and joyful and personal and painful and countercultural has been difficult even to those close to me. Yet, at the same time, how could I not? It’s intense, and joyful, and personal, and painful, and my life. I was born a writer, and to choose not to share the words that are bursting out of me feels not only dishonest, but painful.

So I’m ripping the bandaid off: I had a transformative, life altering experience drinking Ayahuasca in Peru last year which caused me to quit my job, lose fifty pounds, and re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about myself and the world. Since then, I’ve continued on a psychedelic path, and it’s been the single most meaningful and challenging endeavor of my life. It’s often scary and lonely, even as I continue to find a larger community of people to share it with every day. Welcome!

The most important part of any psychedelic experience is not the kaleidoscopic visions, nor is it the intense feeling of connection to the earth and each other, nor the earth shattering insights or non-duality. The most important part is what happens when you come back to earth and make sense of your time in the divine; what did you learn? What will you change? This is the path the Maestro referred to in Peru; each experience is but a waypoint from which to judge distance and direction. Walking the path is hard and often lonely work. Talking about it with others is key but often overlooked. This is why I’m writing this newsletter.

Every week, I’ll write an update that aims to explore a different part of my integration for mutual benefit. This week, I’ll present a collection of integration resources that I wish had been centralized for me when I started.

Reading: There is an unbelievable wealth of writing that can help you get through difficult spiritual times, and discovering in the past year has been one of the greatest treasures of my life. To start, I’ve listed two thinkers below that have been especially helpful to me by presenting ancient thinking in modern language: Alan Watts: The Book, This Is It, Become What You Are: “Every intelligent individual wants to know what makes him tick, and yet is at once fascinated and frustrated by the fact that oneself is the most difficult of all things to know.”



I think about Alan Watts every day. A 20th century British philosopher, he spent his entire life translating Eastern thinking into Western language in a way that was provocative, profound, and often hilarious. I’ve spent hours listening to his lectures on YouTube, but in my view the best place to start is through the collection of books listed above (although Alan Watts Chillstep is also a great, and beautifully weird, entrypoint into his intoxicating speaking voice). Ryan Holiday: The Obstacle is the Way, Ego is the Enemy, Stillness is the Key: A cucumber is bitter. Throw it away. There are briars in the road. Turn aside from them. This is enough. Do not add, "And why were such things made in the world?"- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations



In the same way that Alan Watts introduced Westerners to Eastern thinking, Ryan Holiday has emerged as a comparable instructor of Stoicism. I go back to his trio of books at least once a quarter, and continue to learn and relearn valuable lessons about facing challenges, defeating my ego, and making time and space to be still. Community and support: “In the happy night, In secret, when none saw me, Nor I beheld aught, Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart.” Dark Night of the Soul, St. John of the Cross, 1577



Since this is a journey that takes place primarily within, it can sometimes feel overwhelmingly lonely. But the good news is that other people are here to help. Specifically, I’ve found the following online communities to be extremely helpful over the past year: r/psychonaut: Great overall subreddit on psychedelics, reflections, and personal growth r/ayahuasca: A community who will support you through your toughest Ayahuasca experiences r/awakened: Dedicated to personal and spiritual growth Alan Watts Facebook group: Super active Facebook group discussing Alan and his thinking Additionally, I’ve found seeing a therapist is an absolute must. The Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies maintains an integration list of mental health professionals with experience supporting people through difficult integrations. I used this to find help, and encourage you to do the same.



Finally, I’ve found people in my local community in SF who are on similar paths and connecting with them has brought me peace and joy beyond what I thought possible. To quote Timothy Leary: “Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…” Practices: I’ve adopted a few practices over the past year that are now essential tools in my personal growth: Exercise: While I started exercising regularly for physical reasons, it’s become an extremely important part of my spiritual growth because of the daily commitment it represents to doing hard things to make myself better and remaining present in the moment as I tackle them. Specifically, I’ve really grown fond of Lagree (a super intense form of Pilates), Yoga, and long-distance running (I recently ran a very difficult marathon, about which I wrote here) Fasting and diet: Intermittent and extended fasting is what allowed me to lose fifty pounds, and it’s no longer as much of a part of my life now that I’m at a healthy weight. But, as the Stoics knew, the spiritual benefits of reminding yourself that you don’t need our relatively luxurious modern diet to survive are many. The longest fast I’ve ever completed was five days, and I have a goal to complete a two week fast by the end of this year. For most of last year, I only ate one meal a day (and still do so when I travel and exercise less), but now stick to a late lunch and early dinner each day. I’ve also recently paused drinking alcohol as I unfold more about the effect that it has on me (more of that in a future post). Meditation: Learning a daily meditation practice is a skill I’m still developing and have honestly not devoted as much attention to as I’d like. But I’m currently using Sam Harris’ Waking Up app and find it to be super helpful — 10 min a day to help expand awareness of consciousness. His podcast, Making Sense, is also great. Writing: That’s what I’m doing — right here, right now! For me, writing is the purest way for me to express myself, and so taking time to write in all forms, to all audiences, is a key way for me to heal. The act of writing something down is in itself an act of mindfulness and reflection, and I can’t stress enough how helpful it is. This is true both internally, but also externally: writing creates thought for people to react to and is a key organizer of communities.

I’m going to publish this in about five minutes, which will be an act of vulnerability and discomfort — this isn’t a side of myself that I’ve shared extensively with the world. But I feel that it’s important and I’m willing to go out on this limb if people are willing to meet me out here.

Please respond liberally with feedback on what to do next. I want to make this exercise as valuable for the community as it is for me.