Rachel Reeves MP, shadow secretary of state for work and pensions, has said that she plans to continue her political career if her party comes to power while she is – gasp – pregnant. To read some of the comments and think pieces about this revelation, you might be forgiven for thinking that she had admitted an ambition to make bonfires of taxpayers’ money.

The “stupid woman” is “setting the case for working women back by about 50 years” according to one column. Another spits that she is “treating motherhood as a part-time obligation, almost a hobby”, is not “fit to represent women” and should be disqualified forthwith from “ever making important policy decisions affecting women”. Fellow MP Andrew Rosindell fretted that she might not be able to give the job her “full attention”, arguing that “people need to be put in the positions they can handle.”

Since when has being pregnant become a shocking and shameful act? For those who might still find the very common act of reproduction a bewildering minefield, here are seven handy questions to ask yourself before making judgments about somebody else’s pregnancy …

1. Am I being patronising to the pregnant woman?

“Have you thought this one through?” is one example of what not to say. Don’t worry – the person intending to push a human being out of a very small hole and subsequently house and care for that small human for the foreseeable future has, in all likelihood, given it a bit of thought.

Worried about how they’ll juggle childcare with their job? The chances are they are too, but they’ve probably got a plan to make it work. Concerned they’re not taking their job seriously enough? Relax – considering they’re the one that’s been doing the job up until now and are intimately acquainted with its challenges and demands, they’ve probably got it covered.

2. Am I treating it as an anomaly rather than a normal part of life?

Much of the criticism seems to stem from the idea that pregnant women are selfishly swanning off to satisfy their desire to “have it all”, to the detriment of taxpayers/business owners/neglected children (delete as appropriate). Let’s stop and realise how ridiculous an idea that is. A child is not a luxury accessory, but a normal – though not of course essential – product of a human life.

Collectively dealing with the needs of pregnancy and parenthood should be built into the very fabric of our workplaces, businesses and societal ideas about careers, not bolted on as an afterthought. The experience of pregnancy and new parenthood shouldn’t be treated as something shameful that women feel they have to hide in order to be seen as competent. For those who choose to stay in work it should simply be assumed that necessary support during and after pregnancy – such as flexible working hours, shared parental leave and on-site crèches – will be provided. It should be a national scandal that around 50,000 women a year lose their jobs as a result of maternity discrimination.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest ‘Why is it that we don’t discuss the impact a new baby will have on a man’s work life?’ Photograph: Jamie Grill/Getty Images/Tetra images RF

3. Am I making assumptions about the reasons for a woman’s choices?

Is a mother who quickly returns to work really a selfish, career-obsessive? In fact, she might just be passionate about her job, have a partner more readily able to take on childcare, or not be able to afford more time off.

Is the woman who chooses to stay at home really a feminist failure, yummy mummy or dropout? Or might she have made a careful decision about what’s right for her and her family? Might she have exercised precisely the kind of choice that feminists want women to have? Might prohibitive childcare costs have made the decision for her?

4. Would I say this to the father?

Worried that sleepless nights, nappy changes and general emotional exhaustion will take their toll on a new mum? They might, to an extent. In much the same way that illness, bad breakups and family bereavements sometimes take a toll on all of us. But we don’t suggest that people dealing with these problems should be sacked, do we? Sleepless nights are a natural part of life as a new parent. But fathers aren’t deaf to babies’ night-time screams.

They, too, are experiencing major life upheaval and the emotional rollercoaster of early parenthood. Why is it that we don’t discuss the impact a new baby will have on a man’s work life?

5. Have I considered the impact that publicly debating this woman’s fitness to work might have on her?

It’s 2015. We should be so far beyond the indecency of creating a public “debate” about someone’s career competency on the basis of procreation. What kind of impact might it have on a person to see their work called into question by the comment police when they’re continuing to kick ass in the workplace, even while lugging around the weight of a sack of potatoes, creating a new life and constantly battling the urge to pee?

In Reeves’ case, as for other high-profile figures, the point is particularly pertinent, given the impact such chatter could have on voters’ impressions of her performance.

6. Have I considered the fact that women may experience pregnancy differently?

#NotAllPregnancies will prevent women from being able to continue working. If you think pregnancy is by default a completely debilitating condition, check out Olympic athlete Alysia Montano, who competed in the 800m while in her third trimester; Amy Poehler, who brought the house down with a rap about Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live while nine months pregnant; and Marissa Mayer, who took over Yahoo while 28 weeks pregnant.

What’s important is that we offer whatever help and support a woman needs, instead of making our own assumptions about what she will or won’t be able to handle.

7. Am I expecting this woman to represent all women?

It is neither Rachel Reeves’ nor any other woman’s responsibility to represent all women in her life choices. We all have different needs and priorities, and, including single parents, same sex couples and adoptive parents, different situations.

Choosing to continue working doesn’t “denigrate” or cheapen motherhood. Choosing to leave work to raise children doesn’t fly in the face of feminism or let down other women. Continuing to hold a high-profile political position whilst pregnant doesn’t fail the country. What does hold women back is acting as if we are a homogenous group, ignoring our right to make our own individual choices, and asking stupid questions when we do.