Remember why the relationship ended. The issues that made you incompatible as a couple might also make you incompatible as friends, Dalgliesh points out: “We know that people repeat patterns in different relationships,” she says. If he was a selfish boyfriend, in other words, he might also be a selfish pal.

Ask yourself if your friendship with your ex will get in the way of other things in your life — including meeting someone new. Singleton suggests thinking about your relationship with your ex as a sort of battery. “If you keep putting your energy into and charging that battery, it’s really going to be hard to get healthy and go back to doing your own thing,” she says.

Dalgleish echoes that idea. There are likely friends or interests you didn’t tend to as much as you wanted to during your relationship, and returning to those is likely more productive than spending time with your ex. And what’s more, it’s very hard to start a new relationship when you’re still hung up on someone from your past.

“You only have so much energy to give,” she says. “If you’re giving your ex your daily updates, your moments of connection, maybe there’s less energy to give to a new partner.”

More than anything else, remember to tune into your own feelings. “Every day we make choices... [but] often we don’t listen to ourselves,” Dalgleish says. Decide on your course of action based on what will be best for you — not based on your self-destructive tendencies or anyone else’s wants.

And remember that as painful as breakups are, they’re also an opportunity for transformation. “The more we stay tethered to our ex, and that old life, the more we deny ourselves the opportunity to push forth in other directions,” Singleton says.

“So all the energy you want to pour into the ex, and checking Instagram with them — choose yourself instead.”

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