Heavy metal rules and the septuagenarians of Steel Panther are here to explain exactly why. For this video, we sat vocalist Michael Starr and guitarist Satchel in front of a computer to watch and react to classic heavy metal clips.

The Panther are lifelong experts in heavy metal, pointing out the important aspects of what makes a killer metal video. “Now I’ve gotta be honest, I don’t like that outfit too much,” Starr said about David Lee Roth’s assless chaps from “Yankee Rose.” After admitting he steals Roth’s stage moves, Starr also stated the obvious, “I don’t have this kind of ass though. Look at that ass. Damn, that’s tight!”

Moving onto Poison’s video for “Unskinny Bop,” Starr revels in the unmatched beauty of hair metal frontmen. As for the song itself, Satchel explains, “A girl doesn’t have to be skinny for you to poke her, dude. That’s totally PC! We want women who are chubbier to feel comfortable in their skin and we should want to fuck them. They have vaginas too!” Steel Panther then revealed they made drummer Stix Zadinia drop 30-50 pounds before letting him join the band.

Steel Panther finish themselves off by watching their new video for “All I Wanna Do Is Fuck (Myself Tonight).” The clip features a cameo from comedian Carrot Top, who apparently started smoking again (and hasn’t stopped since) just to be in the video, according to Michael Starr.

Watch Steel Panther react to classic heavy metal videos above. Be sure to grab the Panther’s newest album, Heavy Metal Rules, and nab tickets to their tour here.