GENEVA—Saying they had no real problem with wealthy thrill-seekers failing in their efforts to scale the tallest mountain on earth, the entire human population admitted Tuesday that they are, in fact, completely fine with rich people dying on Mount Everest. “These guys shelling out a hundred grand to climb a 29,000-foot peak with a team of Sherpas are obviously aware that many people have died in the attempt, so they kind of know what they’re getting into, right?” said Cleveland resident Richard Warvil, echoing the sentiments of the world’s 7.7 billion people, who acknowledged the deaths of affluent amateur climbers who voluntarily ascend to heights at which oxygen stops reaching the brain don’t really upset them all that much. “At a certain point, you’re kind of bringing it on yourself. Plus, if you have that much disposable income and, of all the things you could do with that money, you choose to spend it on this—well, we’re actually okay with you dying. It may sound harsh, but we’re gonna get along just fine without you.” At press time, sources confirmed no candlelight vigils were being held at the foot of Mount Everest.

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