“Come on then, fuckers!” roars drunken Theresa May at Brexit cabinet meeting

Theresa May has finally snapped and is offering a fist-fight to all who oppose her Brexit plan.

Following the sheer, unadulterated stress of trying to engineer an unworkable concept, making Jeremy Corbyn look bad AND dealing with Boris Johnson on a daily basis, the Prime Minister finally caved into a six-pack of special brew with breakfast this morning.

“Wheresh Jacob Reeeesh-Moggggg,” slurred May, spinning around and accidentally twatting an aide in the face.

“Sershly, you all want a peesh of THISH?! You can… you can come and TRYYYY!”

Mrs May then mounted the cabinet table, singing Land of Hope and Glory while removing her jacket before doing some shadow-boxing that could be generously described as “messy”.

A government spokesperson said, “Nobody is about to hit a lady.

“We all went to Eton. We will absolutely decimate the poor, but hitting a lady is quite beyond the pale, even for Michael Gove, who we’d all be quite happy to thump in the teeth, as it happens.

“Oh God, she’s ripped the leg of a table off and is swinging it around her head… this is election night all over again.”