I’m sure roughly four people care about/even noticed Ragan’s initial blog post about yours truly, but still…I’ve been ruminating on it quite a bit and decided that for my own well being I need to reply.

I want to start by saying that anyone who knows me in everyday life knows how easy I am to get along with. Hell, it’s why I won Big Brother. I don’t fight with people; I don’t yell at people; I calmly and rationally try to fix any problems that may exist between me and anyone whom I may have upset. ANYONE who actually knows me will attest to this. The only reason Big Brother players (Ragan, Dick, etc) go off on me and hate me on Twitter is because they haven’t taken the time to know me and decide instead to go to their default setting: angry and confrontational. Okay, let’s start:

Ragan speaks the truth when he says that we have met twice. I was a big fan of Ragan’s while he was on Big Brother 12, so I was quite excited to meet him when my season of the show was over. He came to Illinois in December of 2013 (less than 3 months after I won Big Brother…make a note of this, as it will become important later), so I ventured out to glamorous Elgin, IL to meet him at the home of Matt Hoffman (another BB12 contestant). Ragan was pleasant enough; never overtly friendly, but not rude by any means. Here is the first point in his blog that I would like to address: He claims that the two times we hung out, all I talked about was Big Brother. Remember, I had won the show roughly 2.5 months prior to our first meeting, when anyone who has been on the show is still thinking about it like crazy. SO SUE ME that I wanted to talk to one of my favorite Big Brother players about Big Brother AFTER I WON BIG BROTHER. As someone who is relatively communicatively competent, I figured this was an easy topic, as Ragan, Matt, and myself all had it in common. If I remember correctly, we also talked about my teaching and many other things. I had a relatively pleasant time and was unaware that Ragan apparently thought I was horrible (which is slightly absurd, as I was nothing but polite and kind to him).

The second time Ragan and I met is when things got interesting. I was staying with one of my favorite people, my good pal Louis (who works as an entertainment journalist), while I was in Los Angeles doing press for the upcoming season of Big Brother. Ragan had agreed to get lunch with me, and was going to pick me up at Louis’s house. I asked Louis if he wanted to come, to which he said, “I don’t think Ragan will want me to join. I wrote what I thought was an innocuous piece about him being annoying a few years ago, and he went off on me on Twitter.” Shocked, I replied, “Louis, I’ve read that piece. It isn’t bad WHATSOEVER. Also, Ragan is a 40-year-old man. There is no way he would be such a baby about something like that now that three years have gone by.” Louis then agreed to join. When Louis and I walked out to Ragan’s car, Ragan rolled down his window and yelled, “I DO NOT LIKE YOU AND I WILL NOT SPEAK TO YOU,” at Louis. Louis, flabbergasted, turned around and walked back into the house. Bewildered, I got into Ragan’s car, and he told me how awful he thought Louis was for writing the aforementioned piece about him. I, trying to avoid conflict, mentioned that Louis was my good friend and immediately switched the topic.

This brings us to a few weeks ago, when Ragan decided to publicly flaunt his distaste for me. Louis had just appeared on Jeopardy!, and he was garnering national attention for both a sassy snap he did while on the show, and for writing a thoughtful piece about how he wished he had explicitly said he was gay while on the air. Ragan, COMPLETELY UNPROVOKED, decided to take to Twitter to lash out at Louis, calling him a piece of shit and saying Louis wrote articles where he ranked “bad” gay men (referring to the innocuous article Louis wrote FIVE YEARS AGO about Ragan). I decided to chime in, as I know Louis personally and thought I could easily let Ragan know that Louis isn’t the monster he thinks he is. I tweeted something to Ragan that basically said “annoying” and “bad” aren’t the same thing, and that I thought Ragan was taking the article a bit too much to heart. What happened next SHOCKED ME. Ragan, in response to my thoughtful, completely rational reply, tweeted at me calling me “fucking insufferable” and telling me to “shut the fuck up.” I couldn’t believe it. I bit my tongue, and simply replied that I meant no harm. Ragan then said I had NERVE to speak out against him because he defended me while I was on Big Brother. This angered me, so rather than going on a Twitter rampage like Ragan so frequently does, I decided to text him, as any rational adult would do. I explained that I appreciated his support, but I didn’t ask for it, and I owed him nothing. I also said how immature I thought his public response to me was. He wrote an extremely detailed text back, basically calling me insecure and, yet again, insufferable. I responded and told him that I thought he was a lost cause, because I kinda feel like he is (which I guess makes this whole blog post irrelevant, doesn’t it?).

If Ragan really was bothered by what I tweeted at him, I so very badly wish he had rationally texted me so we could have talked things through. I would have been empathetic and I would have listened. Instead, he decided to call me a piece of shit for defending my friend from unprovoked attacks on Ragan’s part. Oh! I was also told by Ragan that for the past year he avoided me like the plague, when over the course of that year I was nothing but friendly and kind to him. I should have known that I was dealing with someone who may have a problem staying on good terms with people.

OOF, this is already starting to ramble. I’ll try to be quick as I explicitly address Ragan’s blog about me.

Ragan talks about Big Brother houseguests falling into two categories. Group A consists of the ones who still love to talk about Big Brother, with Ragan describing them as pathetic, uninteresting, and unable to move on from the past. Group B, the group to which Ragan attributes himself, are the people who move on after the show and can’t be bothered to deal with the horrifying scum from group A. I have major problems with this. Of course, Ragan says I fall into group A, and I do not disagree with him. I talk about Big Brother all the time. I tweet about Big Brother all the time. I LOVE Big Brother. The difference, and Ragan’s crucial error here, is that I have ALWAYS loved Big Brother. Winning the show was a legitimate DREAM COME TRUE. How many people can say that they’ve won their favorite TV show? Not many. I also didn’t go back to work immediately, because I was traveling due to the show as well as taking vacations with my prize money (I went to Australia, which was something I had wanted to do my whole life). Yes, I fit into group A, but I also think I fit into group B. I think MANY houseguests fit into both groups A and B. It is entirely possibly to have a well-adjusted personal life and still love Big Brother. When Big Brother ended, I was told that I could fly home immediately or stay in LA for the finale parties and such. I chose to go home as soon as possible because I love my life in Chicago. I have the most supportive, lovely, expansive group of friends and family here, and being away from them for the whole summer was torture. Anyone who knows me will attest to how much I have always valued my friendships and my personal life. I remember sitting in my hotel room the night after the finale, sequestered and told to go to bed so I could be up early for press the next day, and turning on my phone. I had texts from over 500 people congratulating me, as well as hundreds of videos and pictures sent from Chicago, as all of my friends were at a bar watching me win. I started crying due to missing everyone so much. Why am I saying this? Well, mostly to brag about how many friends I have, but also to point out just how happy i am.

Ragan claims in his blog that I am a miserable, sad person who lets everything my haters say get to me. He could not be further from the truth. Ragan does not know me. He has met me twice, and both times he was relatively cold and distant even though I was warm and inviting. I poke fun at other contestants/point out the absurdity of life after Big Brother not because I am sad and pathetic, but because the Big Brother world is so different from my personal world, and it fascinates me. Yes, I texted Ragan when Dick would go on his ridiculous rants against me…because I thought they were just that: RIDICULOUS. I even confided in Ragan to express that I was sad at McCrae leaking a private conversation between McCrae and myself to Dick. I AM A HUMAN WITH FEELINGS, so of course I was sad about McCrae. McCrae is a friend; not an anonymous person on the internet or an emotionally stunted former Big Brother player who doesn’t know me yet decides he hates me (Dick). I think the people who hate me without knowing me are ridiculous. Always have. Always will. And what was I supposed to do when I got off the show and was hated by everyone? Cry and admit that people were right and that I’m a monster? HELL NO. I realized immediately that the only people who truly matter are the people who actually know me, and I will forever enjoy making fun of my outrageous haters.

I tried to get to know Ragan, but he pushed me away at every opportunity. I have to be honest: I genuinely feel bad for him, as I feel he exhibits many of the qualities he is projecting onto me. I think he is perpetually angry and sad, which shows in his online interactions. I feel relatively confident stating this, as I was his Facebook friend for a year and a half, and he would consistently post about being angry and sad. His immediate response of turning to Twitter to belittle and scream is problematic. He even made a dig at me in his blog entry for only having my MA while he has his PhD. Whatever makes you feel better, Ragan. Yes, you have a higher degree of education than me, but I think what I have is much more valuable: I have the ability to actually understand and listen to people, rather than the tendency to shout AT them. This is why I have no bad blood with anyone in my personal life while Ragan constantly talks about cutting people out and going on defriending sprees on Facebook. Maybe, just maybe, if you’re always fighting with people, the problem is not with the other people, but with you.

BIG BROTHER 17 PREMIERES IN 5 DAYS!! YAY!!!