As someone who has covered sexuality and sexual health quite a bit down the years, the news this week regarding the new emoji list struck a chord.

While many of the 230 new emojis for 2019 should be applauded (including, for the first time, identity emojis for the disabled), the ‘pinching hand’ symbol – a hand with a thumb and index finger closing together – feels less sensitive.

Yes, the sign, which has been approved as part of Unicode Consortium's latest batch of emojis, could easily denote the term "so close" (a football not crossing the goal line by a matter of inches, for example); and it bears resemblance to the Italian hand gesture for "perfect". But to me, it is obvious that people will use the sign to mock men who have a small penis. And the Internet seems to agree.

Several years ago I interviewed a man called Marcus. Marcus had what is known as a micropenis; a penis that he described as “like an innie navel”. One of the many things he bravely revealed during our conversation was the sense of shame he had experienced throughout his entire life, from the very first moment he saw his father’s “dangling” genitalia and realised there was something different about his body.

Unlike most men, Marcus would never take a shower in school and as he grew older he accepted that sex “was out of the question”, if not for practical reasons (he couldn't find condoms that stayed on), then because every time he got sexually intimate with a woman they would laugh, leaving him “desperate for some sort of human connection” well into this late 20s.

For Marcus, the size of his penis drove him into a deep period of depression, until he met his wife-to-be, another “sexually damaged person”, online at the age of 28.

During those years, he found solace in an online forum on Reddit – where I found him – that presented itself as a safe space for men to seek advice and share their thoughts and feelings (Marcus told me all previous online excursions had led to Marcus being called a ‘virgin forever’ and being told to take his own life).

So when I saw that pinching emoji, I found myself back on the forum, trying to gauge its reaction. What did men like Marcus think of a widely-used, modern dictionary offering texters around the world the opportunity to use a 'small penis' symbol? Were they aghast or unsurprised? Was it an insensitive contradiction that the pinching fingers had been included alongside other symbols that appeared to be politically correct by design?

This time, a man named Robert came forward. Over a series of messages, he told me his answers – which I'm reproducing here, in edited form.

Robert is 35, from the US. He describes his penis as smaller than average

“When I look in a mirror my penis looks embarrassingly small. Even the “small” penises in porn are bigger than I am. I don’t have a micro-penis, but, I’m less than [average].

I would prefer that the Unicode Consortium retracted the ‘pinching hand’ emoji, though I don’t think they will.

Yes, I understand what these people were, hopefully, trying to create, but I see this being used as another way to be hurtful to someone who is already suffering with low self-esteem. Why create a thing, that when you look at society, you know will primarily be used to pick on people? It’s just another opportunity to be mean; another tool in an bully’s arsenal.

For me, making fun of a guy with a small penis is on the same level as laughing at someone because they have small breasts or were born with one arm or have a learning disability. These are all things that a person has zero control over. They were born that way.

I will always have a small penis and the shame and lack of self worth I feel because of that is internal. It’s from myself – and it all goes back to perceived norms.

Despite the Internet and the increase of exposure to the human body in the last twenty years, we don’t have a world where we accept all types of humans and all kinds of beauty. It’s a world where people with a “six pack and a giant penis” – or, for women, a “great ass and perfect boobs” – are considered “better”. And what if you don’t have these “perceived as normal” traits? Consider this: if “normal” makes the average guy feel a little down, how do you think those of us with an actual small penis feel? Even worse.

It’s something I’ve learned to cope with. As a teenager I avoided public showers in gym class or at a workout facility. I even steered away from events or gatherings that might end up with nudity. For example, when I was 16 a friend was having a pool party at his house and when I overheard someone say something about skinny-dipping I excused myself to the bathroom.

Because of my avoidance of these types of situations, I have never experienced public shame.

Sometimes finding people who share your issues can help. But not always. Even those who get bullied can have awful attitudes. I see a lot of anger because people have been shamed one time too many.

I don’t know what girls get taught in school about breast size, but I don't remember anything about penis size in my schooling, except the “everyone is different” statement we‘re told time and time again. I don’t think enough is done to provide young people with the right information and because the public only know one reaction – to laugh at a small penis – it’s become a go-to joke. That is how this emoji will be used.

What we really need is empathy. I know that’s asking a lot from a human race that is sinking in most standards but, trust me, empathy can go a long way to making someone like me feel that people understand. This emoji certainly doesn’t do that.”