If you think that people won’t share your secrets with others, you are probably mistaken.

I can feel you instantly balking at this statement. The mere thought that your friends or family could betray your trust is confronting. This is a reasonable enough response, the idea that those closest could be talking about you disparagingly, can create an extreme level of cognitive dissonance. It is far easier to assume that if you tell someone something in confidence, it will stay that way.

But then how do secrets get out? If everyone trusts everyone, gossip would not be an issue. In fact, the concept of gossip itself would be meaningless. How many pieces of information about your extended friendship circle, colleagues and family have you heard about second hand? How many times have you been told something about someone that by rights you shouldn’t have? Sooner or later, all secrets are revealed.

It comes in many forms. “I know I shouldn’t share this but…” or “I can trust that you won’t tell anyone…” The question you need to ask yourself is this: “If I am hearing information about someone else, who is hearing information about me?”