Straight women are not having near as many orgasms as men or lesbian women. It's time to close the "orgasm gap".

The orgasm gap isn’t a very widely known phenomenon, so we asked sex therapist Tanya Koens to walk us through it: what is the orgasm gap? Why does it exist? And how can we fix it?

What’s the orgasm gap?

Simply put: the orgasm gap is the frequency with which men have orgasms during sex vs women. Tanya explains that 95% of straight men always orgasm during sex, compared with 89% of gay men and 86% of lesbian women.

Get to the amount of straight women having orgasms during sex, though, and that number drops sharply. Only 65% of straight women always have an orgasm during sex, and that number goes even lower when looking at the statistics of casual hookups – on a first time hookup, the gap is 80% of men to only 40% of women.

Why does the orgasm gap exist?

There are a variety of reasons the orgasm gap exists.

Tanya says a common reason women don’t always orgasm during sex is that there are misconceptions about what leads to an orgasm. “If we look at movies and porn – we’re talking about heterosexual sex here – it looks like you put a penis inside a vagina and then the women will automatically cum, and it’s a few thrusts and then everyone’s happy,” says Tanya.

“For a lot of women, they need direct clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm.”

Another reason? Very few couples allow time for the woman to become adequately aroused. Tanya says it takes the average woman 45 to 60 minutes to become fully aroused and in that time, lots of things need to happen to allow a penis to enter the vagina easily without any pain or discomfort.

“A lot of people think the vagina is just a little hole that’s waiting for a penis to drop in for a visit, but actually, it’s like a squashed flat balloon most of the time and it needs to be aroused.”

“[Women] have the same kind of erectile tissues as men, but all on the inside,” says Tanya. “We need a lot of time for that stuff to come into play.”

How do we close the orgasm gap?

Okay, so you know the orgasm gap exists – how do we fix it? Well, Tanya has some tips.

“After 15 to 20 minutes of foreplay, all the woman’s pelvic floor muscles drop down and make room for a penis to come in,” says Tanya. “When women get very excited, the uterus starts bouncing around and gets pulled back and out of the way, pulling the cervix back with it. For a lot of women, if you get a penis banging into your cervix, it can feel very uncomfortable or unpleasant.”

Tanya stresses the importance of allowing time for the female partner to become aroused. “One of the advantages of really warming up is that there are parts of the vagina on the inside that we call the orgasmic plateau,” she says. “It’s like it’s got all these lovely little pinball spots that feel great when you hit them. You need to have blood and mucus in the area and flowing to make it work. You can’t just shove a penis in there.”

Most importantly, if you're getting close, don’t stop. “If you’re getting very excited and if you’re feeling close to cumming and you want to cum, whatever you’re doing, don’t stop – keep doing the same thing. If you stop and change it up, the clitoris is moving back and you might miss that boat.”

Isn’t penetration enough?

The Hook Up listener Kate has never orgasmed from penetrative sex.

"Every relationship I've ever had, or any hookup I've ever had, I've just faked it," says Kate. "When you're a bit younger, you don't really know what you're supposed to be feeling anyway, so when I had my first serious relationship I'd be hearing stories [about orgasms] and I thought 'I don't know if this is right.'"

According to Tanya, most women are in the same boat as Kate – only 28% of women can have an orgasm from penetrative sex alone.

“Most women need clitoral stimulation too,” she says. “It’s got to do with how the penis is designed, how the vagina is designed, where the g-crest is, all sorts of things go into play."

"I meet lots of young men who say ‘All of my female lovers have been able to come from penetrative sex’, but maybe the partners are just putting on a very good act.”

Tanya says it takes people an average of four minutes to orgasm when masturbating, regardless of gender. But in partnered sex it takes men about five and a half minutes, and for women it takes about seventeen and a half minutes. Realistically, there needs to be some kind of non-penetrative stimulation in order for the female to achieve orgasm during sex.

Note: This article only covers the orgasm gap between cisgender men and women due to a lack of data about trans people and orgasms.

RELATED: ‘How depression meds affect your sex life’

Listen to the full segment on the orgasm gap below.

[Hook up Podcast]