Many dictionaries define kink as being

‘an unusual or eccentric idea’

and there is a lot of stigma when it comes to defining ones self as being sexually kinky or a kinkster. There is nothing unusual or eccentric about kink sex – indeed it provides an outlet for many individuals that feel otherwise constrained within ‘vanilla’ sex. The issue here is the term kink and its definition in being such a broad statement that it’s little more than an umbrella term and therefore subject to gross misinterpretation. Whilst kink does incorporate the more out there sexual preferences inclusive but not limited to;

puppy play, nappy play, erotic asphyxiation, suspension play

and the like – many people forget that kink play can also be simply restraints on the bed, outdoor sex or even dressing up in a particular way. The definition of kink and its boundaries have become so blended that there are no longer clear distinctions when using the term.

So, with this in mind it is therefore extremely common to be into kink– it just depends on the type of kink that you are into. I mentioned earlier that kink provides a sexual outlet – and when you reduce many of these ‘kinks’ to their basic levels they essentially come down to very specific terms of power and control, individual expression and escapism from everyday life. It’s no coincidence that many individuals in high profile positions that require intense decision making often have a fantasy and sexual outlet of being completely submissive. This can work towards providing balance within their lifestyle.

Kink can provide intimacy on many levels within a couple. Firstly, emotionally as you reveal secrets and thoughts whereby you, in most cases, become closer with each other. Sharing is a huge part of being a couple. Secondly, as you explore each other’s bodies in new and exciting ways. Simply restraining your partner to the bed and teasing them with the sense of touch can be highly erotic as you focus more on aspects of foreplay. Kink is a world you should explore, and you can venture out as far or as little as you and your partner want to. The limits and boundaries are entirely up to you – it’s a fantastic way to spice things up or even add a new dimension to your intimacy.

In saying all of this the world of kink can be a tricky minefield as it sometimes seems overwhelming when you first start out. This is why staff in sex positive adult lifestyle centers can be helpful. We know our products; we don’t know your fantasy. The best suggestion when first starting out is to talk to the staff, give them a sense of what you’re trying to do and we can guide you in a particular direction. What usually ends up happening is that we both learn from each other – not everyone thinks the same and you might be using a particular product in a way that we ourselves hadn’t considered, and this is entirely okay. So do you now know what is kink?

The interesting thing is, we have all done something a little bit kinky! A playful light slap to your lover rear end to let them know they are doing a good job. You may have even used a little bit of rough or aggressively sex especially after a lover’s quarrel. Maybe you even did something like blindfolding your lover to let them experience the sexual sensations. Sometimes people also restrain their partners with ropes or bondage gear to be in full control whilst your partner is being submissive. Here are some kinks that you may have done but you are not aware of yet:

You pulled your lover’s hair for pleasure Injured or shown aggression towards your lover’s neck or other parts of the body Used pressure,push and power for domination Played out a fantasy concerning a specific role or scenario Placed both hands around your partner’s throat Performed degrading acts to your lover for pleasure Commanded your spouse to do something you find humiliating on you Advised|your partner to execute certain love making acts on you Called your lover awkward or humiliating names

Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.Ed

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Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites. Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education. www.adultsmart.com.au

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