We're only two weeks away from the presidential election and the good folks at Deadspin have just unleashed a political bombshell. You ready for this? Donald Trump probably can't grow a beard.

That's right, Mr. Alpha Male McPissing Contest himself can't do the one thing that would truly make him a man: Sprout hair from his face. Actually, the whole notion that facial hair in any way defines masculinity is almost as absurd as the antiquated notion that we should celebrate some narrow-minded and dangerously patriarchal version of masculinity in the first place. But I digress.

[Warning: graphic images ahead.]

Getty Images

Deadspin first lays out its case with an anecdotal example of Trump's failure to ever mention beards on Twitter. Which is probably true of most people, but since Trump basically vomits every thought he has onto Twitter, it's strong circumstantial evidence that he has never thought about growing a beard.

They also point out Trump's extreme aversion to Islam, which is a pretty beard-heavy religion, as far as religions go.

But while such anecdotes are entertaining, they aren't, in fact, hard proof. Which is why Deadspin does a deep dive into photographic evidence to reveal the whole sordid truth of Trump's beard dysfunction. And why I'm now showing you this photo of his puckered mouth and seemingly follicle-free chin, which you can never unsee:

Getty Images

Stubble is clearly an extremely endangered species on Trump's face. Essentially, if he can grow anything at all, it would look like something out of a high school yearbook (freshman section).

For any man out there who can't grow a beard, there's no reason at all to feel self-conscious about it. It's just a part of our genetic lottery. So it goes.

Donald Trump, however, seems to believe in a ridiculous alpha male ideal that never actually existed in the American wild. And for that imagined pillar of old-school masculinity, the inability to grow a beard would render one lesser. Worthy of derision. By virtue of the transitive property—and Trump's staggering philosophical inconsistency—that means that the candidate himself is worthy of derision.

But we already knew that.

Scott Christian Scott Christian is a style writer based in Los Angeles.

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