When searching for a prospect to scam bait, I usually look for someone I can keep corresponding with for as long as possible. That is one goal of the art of scam baiting. This scam artist was particularity contemptible to me. Not only does this individual want to scam people out of money but he/she was extremely sloppy and lazy. If you want to scam a person for money, at the very least give a story that makes some sense and don’t be lazy about the process.

Furthermore, I guess it comes with frustration as I could not see the dumbest society has to offer except for our Ali Hassan.

My contempt has manifested itself in a less comical way. I did not mean to offend Muslims in general. I did however, want to cut to the bone on this one and maybe get the coveted death treat. Something that always goes on the trophy shelf of any scam baiter. For that I do not apologize.

The initial email from “Ali Hassan”

Hello,

Kindly advise if your company has the license or capability to execute a mutil million contract supply project for the Government of Iraq.Thank you and treat very urgent. Looking forward to an early response.

Ali Hassan.

My Inquiry is from Iraq

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hassan

Mr. Nissan,

Thank your for your well thought-out email and I commend you on taking part on such a project form Iraq. I am treating this very urgent like you told me and I do not plan on sleeping tonight as I ponder around the toilet(a genuine Krapper, of course)

Please advice me on how we can handle this import license contract with the government. I will go to church and pray and I hope to hear everything from you the good gentlemen Ali Hassan very soon.

With the cutest of blessings,

Mrs. Reddinbacher

Another long and boring email sent from Ali. Once again, I only skimmed through it. If you can read through it, you are a better person then I.

From: Ali Hussain To: Jacqueline Reddenbacher

Dear Sir,

Thank you very much for your response to our letter and having the firm belief that I can count on your total support and confidentiality and also let you know what we intend doing with your full support, I would proceed without any reservation to bring you into the complete picture of the pending project. ..is pertinent to note that you understand how we intend to make you the legal beneficiary of the funds amounting to US$10,500,000 Ten Million, Five hundred thousand USD…

I will be waiting for you to get to me immediately, furnishing me with the your FULL NAME AND ADDRESS AND YOUR COMPANY NAME, ADDRESS AND PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS…

I urgently await to hear from you..

Regards,

Mr.Ali Hassan.

Director,

El Mutana Trade Group Iraq,

Zukak 157 Marla11

P.O. Box 650

Salâh ad-Dîn.

Iraq.

I complement him on his special letter. If I remember correctly

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hussain

Hello Ali Hassan,

That was a very good letter and I understood everything very very good. Don’t mind me. I am an Alzheimer’s patient. So you will have to retell me things from time to time.

Who is this and what did you want?

Mrs. Reddenbacher

This guy is such a bifoon and lazy on top if it. Uniquely, I developed an extra large level of contempt for him

From: Ali Hassan To: Jacqueline Reddenbacher

Dear Reddenbacher

We urgently need you info to immediately commence this pending transaction, I will be waiting for you to get to me immediately, furnishing me with the your FULL NAME AND ADDRESS AND YOUR COMPANY NAME, ADDRESS AND PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS so that we can conclude the first part of this business transaction which is the release of the funds to you based on your assistance and cooperation. We are relying on your honesty and trust while hoping that this will be the beginning of a wonderful and fulfilling

business relationship between us. I urgently await to hear from you..

Regards,

Mr.Ali Hassan.

Director,

I play up on the Alzheimer’s thing a little more. Hence, I need to know who this person is again and what he wants

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To Ali Hussan

Hello me El Nisson from Iraq,

You sent me a letter and I just wanted to let you know I received it. I think I remember that I have Alzheimer’s desert and sometimes I have trouble remembering, I think. Can you please tell me who you are again and what we were talking about?

Mrs. R

Sure, I can travel to Jordan. Of course, Mrs. Reddenbacher will pack her bags

From: Ali Hussan To: Jacqueline Reddenbacher

Ignoring my request for clarification, he asks if, (me an Alzheimer’s who said next to nothing) to go to Jordan

Can you travel to Jordan for signing of the release of the contract sum to you on our behalf..

Ali

Good Idea, I would love to go to Jordan. (Like Michael Jordan, right)

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hassan

Of course I can travel to Jordan. I used to be the head stewardess for quantity airlines. So, I can fly anywhere for free. I just have to contact the airport and let them know which date I will be traveling and they will arrange the itinerary for me. I truly am happy that you have given me this opportunity to serve my country once again and I hope I can make you happy crappy.

He wants information

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hussan

Thank You for your mail. What I urgently need from you now is for you to send to me your Full name and address and your phone number so that we can immediately commence this transaction…

I urgently await to hear from you.

Ali

Now I crank it up a bit

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hussan

What are you retarded? You already know my name. If you can’t read that, I doubt you can dial a phone. It always amazes me that every stupid person in the world seems to find me. Sigh!!

Ok, fine, here is my number: 2209 966 26564

I hope you can get this right

Mrs. Reddenbacher

Just give me the money!

From: Ali Hussan To: Jacqueline Reddenbacher

Sir,

Is going to cost you $9,600 usd to get all paper work done on your name, please let me know what you will have the money to send it to our UK office..

Ali

Now to really piss him off

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hussan

That is a very small amount of money. I didn’t know that it would only cost $96.00. I would really like to get this deal done even though you are a moron, it is a good deal. How and where would like me to send the money? And, is there an adult that will be able to handle the money, sign for it, put it in the bank etc.? Again, here we have money gram and western union. Is that OK?

Mrs. Reddenbacher

It’s such a deal

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hussan

Hassan,

I am sending you a copy of my passport so you can begin the process. Let me know how to send your $96 so we can get started. Please, if at all possible, have a more intelligent person then yourself do all the transnational work.

Best,

Mrs. Reddenbacher

I thought he would just take the $96. It is better than nothing

From: Ali Hussan To: Jacqueline Reddenbacher

is $9,600 usd,, cant you read..or are u fool?

A full scale attack(I don’t think he understood half the things I said)

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hussan

No, you are a very stupid person. You said $96.00. I think worshiping that gay prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) of is warping your little brain.

Do you want the $96, or do you want to go and jerk off to pictures of your Allah. It’s your choice moron. At least you have a Koran to clean up the mess.

Anyway, I hope you have a great Jihad.

Mrs. Jacqueline Reddinbacher

More

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hussan

I just blew a big fart. Was that you? lol Fucking primitive imbecile

Endgame

From: Jacqueline Reddenbacher To: Ali Hussan

Dear Mr. Hassan,

I have to say that in all my years of scam baiting, I have not met a person as stupid as you. In fact, I think if there were a debate between a pig and yourself, the pig would win. Of that, I have no doubt. I suggest that you go live in the jungle with the monkeys.

Hence, I know that the monkeys will be much smarter then you but at least it would be a society where you can live without everyone laughing at you. It is with great pleasure I bestow upon you my Mugu award ( I know that you are from Nigeria, not Iraq) so, wear it proudly, display it on the wall on the internet cafe where you “work” and tattoo it on your Mother’s ass so a class higher then your family can see it. Always remember, that if someone is writing you, it may be me playing with your stupid ass.

You have been blessed by:

Casper the Holy Ghost

I was not done with Mr. Hussan. He left a lot to be desired. in the light of the fact, I had to revisit him under a new incarnation. Enter Mr. Thomas Krapper. After all. Even Jihadists need to go to the bathroom sometime.

From: Thomas Krapper To: Ali Hussan

Hello Mr. Hassan,

I am sorry for the delay in writing back but your letter ended up in something called “span.” For crap’s sake, I don’t know why that keeps happening. I am new to this ultranet thing but I am no spring chicken.

Anyway, I have a very successful plumbing company and I would be very interested in bring my product to Iraq.

Dr. Thomas Krapper,

Krapper’s crappers Crp.

I am awaiting your urgent reply

Ali Hussain has such a way with words. He admits that he needs my services. As a matter of fact. I am a toilet manufacturer and what other services would a Jihadist want after a long day in the jungle after snacking fibrous plants.

From: Ali Hussan To: Thomas Krapper

Dear Sir,

Thanks for your response.Insh’Allah we begin fruitful business relationship. I am a government contractor and your services are needed all over Iraq.

It has been agreed that your services are needed hence we’ll expect you to,at your total discretion, prepare a Pro Forma Invoice of a MIXED ASSORTMENT OF MODELS and QUANTITY of your products to tally with the sum voted for this contract.`..

Regards,

Mr.Ali Hassan.

Director,

El Mutana Trade Group Iraq,

Thomas can’t contain his emotion. Furthermore, Just think of a whole army of terrorists sitting on his toilet reading the Koran. It just brings tears to his eyes

From: Thomas Krapper To: Ali Hussan

Hello Mr. Hussein,

I am glad you are interested in Krapper’s Crappers. Believe me. There is nothing like a crap on a Krapper’s Crapper and you will be in love from the first flush. Also, thinking that a whole army will be using my crappers, brings tears to my eyes.

Furthermore, I can promise you that they will all be in love from the first time they lift the lid. My crappers will be a good way to flush out the enemy and retake your land and all for a price you can afford. They come with a full thousand flush guarantee.

So, what are you waiting for? Get off your ass and on my crapper. It will be the best decision you ever made.

Capt. Dr. Thomas Krapper of Krapper’s Crappers, ocd

Remember, If you must take a dump, don’t be a chump. Get off your butt and out of that hut, then clean out your gut on a Krapper’s Crapper

From the Prophet Thomas peace and blessings be upon him

From: Thomas Krapper To: Ali Hussan

Mr. Ali,

I haven’t heard from you. You must be a very busy man. Have you given more thought to putting your army on my crappers? It would be the biggest and best decision you ever made. Think of it. There is a whole army of mujaheddin running across the desert yelling crazy Islamic phrases like ” Allah Akbar.”but wait. It is not Ramadan anymore. No more fasting. The whole damn army has to crap. That would be very embarrassing to the whole Jihad. Can you imagine, Allah depriving the virgins just because there were no crappers for the mujaheddin? I personally wouldn’t hear of it.

Make your terrorists Happy Crappy, and get them all onto a Crapper Today! They will thank you. I will thank you and most of all Muahmmad will thank you.

Father. Thomas Krapper of Krapper’s Crappers (May peace and blessings be upon me)

Thomas Offers to Help Ali Get Into the Bowels of Enemy Territory

From: Thomas Krapper To: Ali Hussan

Hi Mr. Ali,

I didn’t hear from you and I just want to let you know that I am ready to make my movement into the bowels of your country. Remember, Having the right crapper for a Jihad is vital to get into the bowels of your enema, oops, enemy. When the infidel finally comes calling, you want to be sure that you have your tanks full to capacity. I think that the profit Muhammad would have written the Koran very differently. It would not have been a book of shit if he was able to flush out his system instead of just writing it down. You too can flush your Koran down the toilet and get onto more important things like the call for prayer. The person behind you (peace and blessings be upon him) will be happy that you revealed yourself when you all bend over for prayer.

No reply so I send Thomas’ Son Guelord “Behind” enema lines

From: Guelord Krapper To: Ali Hussan

My Inquary is From England:

Dear Mr. Hussein,

I am Guelord of Krapper’s Crappers Dmp

I have been contacted by my father and CEO of our plumbing supply company. He was telling me that you were interested in our product. Good Choice!!

I am here to tell you that we are completely prepared to move forward with this deal and helping you with your cause and provide you with the best toilets on the market to do the job.

Remember, If you’re in a rush, don’t go behind a bush. Sit yourself on a genuine Krapper’s Crapper and be good to your tush.

Sincerely,

Guelord Krapper of Krapper’s crappers W.I.P.E.

Ali Hussan Bites on Guelord’s Plunger. As a matter of fact, all of that potty poetry paid off.

From: Ali Hussan To: Guelord Krapper

Sir,

It’s already been agreed that your products are needed hence we’ll expect you to,at your total discretion, prepare a Pro Forma Invoice of a MIXED ASSORTMENT OF MODELS and QUANTITY of your products to tally with the sum voted for this contract.

Your products would receive priority consideration and fast-track approval…

Attention:The Honourable Minister of Planning / the Acting Minister of Finance,

His Excellency Dr. Ali Al-Shukri.

The amount Budgeted by Government for this contract is USD$10,500,000.00(United States Dollars Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand) …

When full contract fund is sent to you, we will have a face to face meeting in Dubai…

Regards,

Mr.Ali Hassan

Director,

Iraq.

Now Guelord Becomes More Like His Father and Talks Shit

From: Guelord Krapper To: Ali Hussan

Mr. Ali Akbar,

It is so exciting to hear that you have accepted to use my crappers for your Jihad. I almost crapped myself (Good thing I had a Krapper Crapper handy, or else there would be a big mess on the floor) My father told me that you already have a whole army that needs to take a crap so I guess the Muhammad Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him) is really blessing this bogus Jihad.

Remember, Allah Muhammad Allah raheem Krapper Crapper Allah Akbar(peace and blessings be upon him) and my farther, the great Thomas Krapper and all his crappers (peace and blessings be upon every crap your whole Jihad takes)

Sincerely,

Rev. Guelord Krapper of Krapper’s Crappers (peace and blessings be upon me) crp. PhD. university of Hamburger

Remember, a Jihad is nothing without a crapper and a crap is nothing without a Jihad

May peace and blessings be upon every crap you take

I guess he wasn’t too happy. He actually wrote something back

From: Ali Hussan To: Guelord Krapper

FOOL I WILL ADVICE YOU TO STOP BAD MOUTH AND CALL THE ALLAH NAME AND MAKE THE YOU DIE ALLAH KNOW YOU NAKE HE FUND YOU AND MAKE YOU SUFFER AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY I SEE YOU IM THE GRAVE AND I KNOW WHO LAUGH NOW LOL

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