He's going everywhere. And I'm like, "This is brilliant. I'd watch this. I'd watch this documentary about how a man falls apart in front of a crowd."

But I don't think that's the documentary he has in mind .



The next day, same thing .We're talking and he shows up. I bring him in. He takes over. He's in his element. He's happy. He's just sitting there, a robe short of being a minister, preaching , playing games with the crowd. Games where people go to the other side of the room like kindergarten.



He says, "Those who believe Jesus is the son of God over to this side of the room. Those who don't, go over there. We rule our lives by this." He pulls a Bible from his back pocket.



I'm like, "I didn't even know he had a back pocket."

The outfits he wears don't really lend to pockets. But not only that, he's got a Bible in it.

I'm like, "This is fucked up."



He says, "We'll lead our lives by this. Over there, you live by what you do. You have no laws. We have laws. We want your women. So we'll take them . There's nothing you can do. Women, come here. Because you don't lead your lives by this."



I'm going, "Is that what it says in the Bible?" Because if it is, I'm going back to church.

He's going through these parlor games and he's real happy. I was pleased to get to see a part of him that I'd never seen before in everything from interviews to any press.

So the next day, he's like, "I'm not gonna be able to do it.



I've got a show to do at the St. Paul Excel Arena. I'm gonna do a night show and my leg hurts, so I won't do the q and a."



I said, "Why does your leg hurt?"

He said, "Something with my knee."

And I was like, "Do you think it's because you always wear heels?"



He said , "What?"

I said , "Maybe your knee wouldn't hurt if you wore sneakers."



He goes, "It's not about sneakers."

I said , "All right, man , I was just checking . We need you, Prince."



I go out and Stephanie said ,"You mentioned sneakers to him?"

I said , "Yeah , was that bad?" She said , "Yeah!"



I said , "Does he wear them?"

She said , "He does. What's the interest with Prince's sneakers?"



I said , "Does he wear them?"

She said , "He wears them for basketball."



I said , "He plays ball in sneakers? Where does he keep them?"

She's like, "Let it go."



I said, "Does he wear the outfits playing basketball?"

Because every outfit looks like he's about to be: "Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio." You know?

She said , "No, he wears warm-up suits."

I said , "He's got warm-up suits?"



She says, "Yes, he's got warm-up pants with the buttons down the side."

I was like, "Where does he keep it? Does he wear it under his clothes?"



She says, "He's got them to the side."



I said , "Well , are they made like his outfits? Designer basketball wear?"



She says, "No, they're from a store."

I said , "He shops at a fucking store?"

She says, "No, we go out and get stuff for him."



I said , "Where do you get his clothes?"

She says, "Nordstrom's."

I said , "They sell stuff his size?"



She's like, "Nordstrom's boys department."

And at this point, I'm like, "That is so fucking cute!"



The documentary should be about that. I'd watch it.

Prince is like, "All right, I'm little. I'm a huge rock god, but I'm little. I get my clothes at Nordstrom's boys department."

But that's not the documentary he wants to make.



So he skips that day.

The next day he's supposed to come. We're having one of the last sessions. We crammed 75 people in this room. It's really hot, really tight, lights boiling. Everyone's sweating.

We're going on for about three hours.

One guy says, "This album's about how Prince hates white people."



I said , "Really? I didn't get that at all. What makes you say that?"

He says, "He's singing about how the devil stole it."



I said , "No, he's not talking about the 'white devil ,' but this devil. I don't think it's a race thing. Really? Race? Do you think so?" And I can't defend it because I don't fucking know.

Finally, they're like, "Prince wants to talk to you in his office."



I'm like, "Break, everyone grab some air. I'll talk to Prince."

I'm pissed now. I'm sweating, fielding questions from a very defensive crowd. The dude was supposed to be here hours ago. So I go into his office.and he's sitting behind his desk playing with a computer. I sit there for a good 20 to 30 seconds.

He says nothing .



Then he says, "These are pictures from the show last night."

I said , "That's great. We needed you about two hours ago. Things got tense."

He says, "Really?"



"Some dude said you hate white people."

He said , "Why did he say that?"



I said , "In the album , you talk about how the devil stole the music. He said you meant the 'white devil. 'I said you meant this."



He said, "He said white people stole music from black people?"



I said , "That was his argument." He goes, "If the bra fits."



And I'm like, "What the fuck does that mean , man?! If the bra fucking fits? I'm sweating for hours fielding questions, defending your Jehovah's Witnessism even though I know nothing about it. Don't talk to me like I'm fucking Apollonia! You want me to jump into the fucking waters of Lake Minnetonka! I'm fucking at wit's end with this man .



This is what it sounds like when Kev's fucking pissed. You know? I'm like, "Go explain that's not what you meant."



He's like, "People are gonna take what they will from it."

I said , "These people have been here for hours. They expect you ."



He's like, "I'll talk to them. You want to shoot it?"

I said , "Okay, and I want to leave early because today is Father's Day." My wife was there all week. Her parents brought Harley so we could spend Father's Day together.



He said , "Okay."



I'm like, "Ladies and gentlemen: Prince."



He sits down , starts talking and we start shooting. And he starts talking and proceeds to talk for four hours. He's getting into his parlor games and having a great time. The guys are like, "Are we still shooting?"



I'm like, "Keep shooting .Something might happen. Maybe somebody will get as pissed as I am and take the guy out."

After the four hours one of the guy comes over to me.

He's like, "We're out."

I'm like, "We ain't out till he says we're out."



He said , "No, we're out of stock."

I said , "Change the tape."

He's like, "We've blown through our entire stock.



It's Sunday. There's no more stock."

I said , "What about the other camera?"

He's like, "He's got three minutes."



I was like, "Shit, we're out of tape? Do we tell him? Or do we just pretend like we're shooting him?"



He's like, "It's your call." I'm like, "Just keep rolling. Just make pretend , go ahead."



They run out of tape. Prince goes on for an hour, not even being recorded . He looks over to me periodically and I'm like:



So it ends and everyone gets up to go and this is the last session .The week is over.

And he kind of goes out a back door and shit so he can avoid autographs. And I collect my stuff and Stephanie. . . who was my chaperone, wasn't even there anymore. And I said to her before she left, I was like: "This is the last day. What are we gonna do? Am I cutting this thing?"

She's like, "They've been cutting it. He used some of the footage at his show last night."

I'm like, "Really?" I feel so useless.



I'm trying to maintain my composure and stuff's being already cut?

I said , "So you'll have a cut of the film next week."



She said , "Don't count on seeing it."

I said , "Why?"

She said , "A lot of this stuff never sees the light of day."



I was like, "What do you mean?"

She's like, "I produced 50 music videos for him ."



I said , "Which ones?"

She said , "You've never seen them.

They're for songs you've never heard ."

I said , "Where are they?"



She's like, "He puts them in a vault." I was like, "For what?"

And she's like, "I don't know."



I was like, "Is it just him on-stage?"

She's like, "No, 50 fully-produced music videos with costumes and sets. Money was spent."

I was like, "And they've never been seen on MTV or anything? BET, VH 1?"



She's like, "No. He just puts them in the vault."

I was like, "Like in case the fucking world goes up.. . .we'll have entertainment?"

She's like, "That's just the way Prince is."



I'm like, "After all this work, nobody may ever see it?"

She's like, "I don't know."

I'm like, "Good Lord ."



So day's over, I say goodbye to this other girl, and she's like: "Do you want to say goodbye to Prince?"



I'm like, "He's busy, I won't bother him."

The wife said , "You should say goodbye."

I said , "You think so?"



She's like, "He'd probably want to say goodbye."

I was like, "You're right."



So I go back in and I'm like, "You know what? I should say goodbye to Prince."

She's like, "I'll find him ."



She goes away and then comes back, and she's like: "He's in there working on some music."



And I was like, "And?"

She was like, "He's working on some music."



I was like, "So I should go?" And she's like, "Yeah."

And I was like, "All right, tell him I said goodbye, I guess."



I walk to the car and I'm like, "I can't fucking believe it. I spent a week shooting a documentary for which I wasn't paid , for which . . . I had really no passion for. It was not my story. And the dude never once said, 'Thanks for taking the time."' Like, I'll do anything as long as somebody says, "Hey, thanks." Gratitude's a big part of my life.



It so was weird that dude didn't have two seconds to be like: "Night, tubby." Or anything like that.



Or just, "I knew there was no film in that camera."

He never once said thank you. I was so fucking cheesed, man.



I was like, "This is why fans turn on people." Somebody disappoints them and they fucking turn on them. But this is one instance where I felt like it was valid.

All he had to do was say, "Hey, man, thanks."



That would've been fine. But the thing pissed me off the most . . . the whole week, not once did the guy ever once play fucking "Batdance."