Exhibit 1: Toast.

It’s the greatest.

Bread, toasted to a golden hue, approaches a level of delicious not thought possible before the Munch Test Theory of 1904. It currently ranks as mankind’s seventh greatest accomplishment. Applying butter furthers its ranking to fourth – directly behind the New Car Smell.

Exhibit 2: Coffee

Addictive. Seductive. Mysterious. The only thing planet Earth trades more of is oil. Think about that. Coffee is traded at greater volumes than clothing, food and medicine. Do you want to know why? Because coffee is better than those things. Coffee is the ambrosia of modern life except, instead of making you immortal, it makes you slightly more productive at work between the hours of 8-10:30am and 2-3:45pm.

Why am I talking about these two things? Because –

A) This is a food blog.

B) The place I’m about to review is where I got them.

Welcome to Black Dog Coffeehouse. A place that proves that the suburbs can have nice food things that don’t rhyme with “Hillies” or “Pappledees”.

Black Dog is located in Lenexa. Where’s Lenexa? It’s the place you drive through trying to get to the dog beach at Shawnee Mission Park. It’s also home to the best slice of toast in Kansas.

You see, this place is right next to Ibis Bread Company. And by right next to it, I mean they tore down the wall so you smell the sweet goodness of carbs when you walk in. It’s fantastic. So, you have your choice of some absolutely stellar bread slices. What were the flavors today?

I went with the Country Bread.

And Katie went with the Coconut White Chocolate.

As you can see from the photos, it’s as thick as your ignorance.

I don’t remember exactly how much they were a slice but I want to say around $3. It was a decent snack, and I remember thinking it was appropriate.

Now of course this is a coffeehouse, so we ordered coffee. I went black coffee because, blah, blah, blah, my heart is darkness, and Katie went cafe au lait because she likes to pretend she’s part of the southern gentry in New Orleans that takes her hot beverages in the conservatory.

They were good. Nothing crazy different like at Quay, but it took way less time for me to get a black coffee, and I liked that. Just your typical good coffeehouse coffee.

What stood out was that it was a pretty great place to hole up for awhile. There are a ton of cozy little nooks you can find to pretend to write your novel, study for a test that you’re going to forget about in a month, or even conspire against King and Country.

You can order a ton of other sweets, sandwiches and salads if you want as well. It took most of my willpower not to order all the croissants. But I’m trying to make good life choices. I’m trying to work out more, limiting my scotch intake and trying to hate people slightly less. So instead, let’s just look at the croissants that I couldn’t buy because my wife body-shames me.

Sigh.

And the bathrooms?

Pretty nice.

Even had some nice artwork.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT HAD A DIAPER-CHANGING TABLE IN THE MEN’S BATHROOM.

Prepare yourselves, for I am about to rant.

I am fucking dumbfounded that there isn’t a law that requires places to have diaper changing stations in the men’s and women’s bathrooms. Seriously, what the fuck are single dads to do? Or dads that take their kids out by themselves? Women are not the only ones that need these things.

And before anyone labels me as a Meninist or something, know that I’m a hardcore equalist. I’m all for the sexes sharing the shitty things along with the awesome things. Equal pay paired with equal mandatory selective service sign ups! Equal fair representation in media paired with equal lifting heavy things up the stairs! High fives for everyone.

So how would we rate it?

RYAN:

Toast: 9/10

Coffee: 8/10

Environment: 8/10

Bathroom: 8/10

KATIE:

Food/Coffee: 9/10

Environment: 7/10

Bathroom: Why isn’t the photo of a black dog??? That’s racist.

Verdict – Go there.

12815 W 87th Street Pkwy, Lenexa, KS 66215

Tuesday6AM–9PM

Wednesday6AM–9PM

Thursday6AM–9PM

Friday6AM–9PM

Saturday7AM–9PM

Sunday7AM–9PM