The first time the Ashes changed hands in 1883, they were presented by Lady Janet Clarke and her music teacher, Florence Morphy, to English captain Ivo Bligh. The backdrop was Rupertswood, the Clarke family's elegant mansion outside Sunbury. The next year, Bligh returned to Australia to marry Morphy.

For Bligh, that made it a clean sweep.

In the most recent rite on Sunday, the prize was presented by one Australian captain, Mark Taylor, to another, Steve Smith. Among the accompanying party was the vice-something-or-other of Magellan, the series sponsor. I am presuming that the moment inspired you all to rush out to buy half-a-dozen Magellans in a range of colours.

The backdrop to this presentation was a giant pair of inflatable hands, one painted in Australian colours holding up four fingers, the other, in English livery, clenched to signal zero. These props looked as if they had been discarded from a children's birthday party or a Mardi Gras float. The effect was about as charming as a pneumatic cow pat.