Did you hear the one about the drunk who called 911 thinking it was Dial-a-Bottle?

Well, Saanich Police have.

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In fact, the fellow in question — who then asked the dispatcher for the liquor-delivery service’s number — made the force’s list of silliest 911 calls, compiled by Sgt. Steve Eassie.

Also on the list: a mom trying to get her son to clean his room and a woman complaining about a neighbour’s duck gone wild.

“I was able to poll all of the dispatch folk as well as their supervisor and they were kind enough to provide me with some pretty good examples,” said Eassie, the force’s media spokesman.

Last year, Saanich Police made international news with a tale about potato chip bandits — two drunken university students with a case of the munchies.

Police were able to track the hungry but inept thieves, who took a bag of barbecue chips from a Saanich garage because they left a trail of chips in their wake.

“Certainly, we don’t mind getting calls from people asking questions and what not, but clearly 911 is not the format to be doing it on,” Eassie said.

Saanich police’s non-emergency number is 250-475-4321.

Here’s Eassie’s list:

1. A woman called because she was in handcuffs. Her boyfriend had put them on her during a sexual encounter but he had passed out drunk and they had lost the key.

2. A man called to report he had an American bullfrog in his backyard.

3. A very upset young woman stated there was a deer in her front yard. When the call-taker asked what the deer was doing, the woman said: “Staring at me.”

4. There were multiple calls from Uptown mall when it first opened because people wanted help getting out of the underground parkade.

5. A woman called because her neighbour had ducks that were not properly contained and were wandering around the neighbourhood.

6. A caller had a dream that someone was breaking into a store the caller owned and wanted police to go check it out.

7. A very drunk man thought he was calling Dial-a-Bottle. When he was told it was 911 and for emergencies only, he asked for the phone number for the liquor delivery service.

8. A call came in from a person who said a Rottweiler was peeing on her lawn.

9. A woman called to say her power had been out for a few hours. She said: “I’m really embarrassed about this but can I flush the toilet when the power is out?”

10. A woman was selling her stove and called 911 because no one was contacting her.

11. A mother called because her son refused to clean his room.

12. A woman had parked her car on someone’s lawn. After the property owner cut the grass around the car, the woman called wanting him charged because grass clippings were left on the car.

13. A man wanted to speak with an officer to discuss the best way to organize his yard sale.

bcleverley@timescolonist.com