Piers Morgan has been defending himself on Twitter, following discussions of his and attacks on women in the media.

This has led to many calling the professional sexist, xenophobe, and serial harasser a ‘festering pile of shit’, a statement many would say is ‘pretty accurate’.

One group however, are fed up with these attacks on Morgan; that group being actual festering piles of shit, who are annoyed with constant comparisons to the Good Morning Britain host.

The largest of the festering piles of shit, has demanded that the public stop unfairly lumping them in with Morgan, as they are actually capable of contributing to the planet in a meaningful way.

The group states that festering piles of shit are able to provide nutrients to soil, help plants grow, and can be used in a wide varieties of mulch, unlike Morgan, who is pretty much only of use if you need to criticise the eating habits of a 20 year old pop singer.

It is also widely speculated that Morgan doesn’t even shit, but has a biological mutation allowing him to break down his food into a never ending stream of farts for him to smell.

Actress Jameela Jamil tweeted that Morgan would be remembered as a ‘celebrity stalker’, while he responded saying she ‘wouldn’t be remembered at all’.

Which is actually quite true. As, comparing the two, you’re more likely to remember somebody who hacked the phone of a dead teenager.

It is expected that many other comparisons are going to join the ‘Anti-comparison movement’, including arseholes, uretheras full of spiders, and getting a hair in your mouth while you’re eating.