YOU Be the Detective: Stolen Car Edition

A buddy of mine got his car stolen a few months ago. Over the weekend, the police called and said they found it and it was waiting for him. It hadn't been wrecked, but it was out of gas and entirely filled with trash from the joyriders. We carefully cataloged all the trash as we cleaned it out and now YOU get to play detective. Who was it who stole this car?



Bag of Mardi Gras masks and beads.



"Pony Play" butt plug with tail. Small. (One of three butt plug packages found).



Informational pamphlet about female condoms (one of two found).







One yellow legal pad with notes for a screenplay about Jesus.

Obviously we've got somebody living a pretty confusing life. He's writing a screenplay about the life of Jesus while admiring (or wearing) a pony tail butt plug. Somebody is in a tutu. Stay tuned after the jump for the rest (and trust me, it gets even better).



Guardian angel pendant.



Bottle of Karo syrup. Mostly empty.



Container of "Grandma's cake batter" ice cream. Empty.



Insulin syringe (one of about 10 found, all empty).

And the two most amazing finds, drum roll please...



Pill bottle for blood pressure medication WITH NAME AND ADDRESS PRINTED ON THE FRONT.

AND



Letter from a debt collector for unpaid LUTHER SEMINARY student loans WITH NAME AND ADDRESS PRINTED ON THE FRONT!!!

Now it's time for YOU to be the detective. Who stole the car? Was it, and I'm just taking a stab in the dark, the lapsed Lutheran minister who left his debt collector notices and prescriptions in the car? Hard to say.

Whoever it was, he was leading a life of conflict. Go to Mardi Gras or church? Eat ice cream or take care of your diabetes? Wear a mask or a tail? Only your guardian angel can help you decide.