1. When your spouse comes to you with a problem, you downplay it, saying, “Things will get better in time,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

2. When something bothers you, you don’t tell your spouse because your spouse should know not to act this way without you saying anything!

3. Your relationship with your children is more important than your relationship with your spouse.

4. You refuse to compromise. It’s your way or the divorce court.

5. You belittle your spouse because it makes you feel better about yourself.

6. You constantly brush off your spouse’s sexual advances because you are “not in the mood.” You do not look into ways to get yourself in the mood. Thus, you can’t remember the last time you had sex.

7. You treat your mother-in-law like vermin, even though you know this bothers your spouse.

8. You let yourself go. You no longer take steps to make yourself sexy and desirable for your spouse. Sometimes, you don’t even brush your teeth or bother to make sure you don’t have B.O.

9. You cook your spouse’s least favorite foods on purpose.

10. You flirt with the opposite sex, even though you know it bothers your spouse.

11. You refuse to give your husband the “atta boy” for doing mundane things like emptying the dishwasher simply because he never gives you an “atta girl” for doing the same thing.

12. You never tell your wife that she’s sexy, beautiful or hot, simply because she never thanks you for emptying the dishwasher.

13. You only hug your wife or grab her rear when you want to get busy. You never do it just to make her feel good.

14. When your spouse says, “We need to talk,” you reach for the remote control.

15. You stopped dating your spouse the day you got married or the day your first child was born.

16. Your idea of the perfect vacation is one you take with the kids. You would never hear of going away somewhere just with your spouse, even though you have many viable baby-sitting options.

17. You never notice when your spouse has a new haircut because you rarely look at your spouse.

18. You don’t try to understand your spouse’s hobbies and passions.

19. You refuse to give your spouse space, because space makes you feel vulnerable.

20. You don’t take turns reaching each other’s dreams. You think your spouse is there to support you and not the other way around.

21. You stopped getting to know your spouse years ago. In fact, you just read that sentence and thought, “What else is there to know?”

22. You belittle your spouse in front of other people.

23. You refuse to give your spouse a second chance. You hold every single indiscretion against him for eternity, no matter how many times he’s said, “I’m sorry” and no matter how successfully he’s changed his behavior.

24. When you fight with your spouse, you try to get other people around you—your kids, your friends, your parents—to take sides.

25. If your spouse asks you for a favor, you say, “No” because you don’t think he deserves one.

26. You only practice random acts of kindness with strangers. You don’t do it for your spouse.

27. When you see your spouse struggling with exhaustion, depression, anxiety and other issues, you do nothing.

28. When something is bothering you and your spouse asks you about it, you shut down, even though you know this bothers your spouse.

29. You can’t bring yourself to say, “I’m sorry” even though you know you were wrong.

30. You can’t bring yourself to say, “You’re forgiven,” even though your spouse has said he’s sorry.

31. You’ve told your spouse so many lies that you need to write them down in order to keep track of them.

32. You are living a secret life that your spouse does not know about.

33. You make fights with your spouse about “who is right” rather than about “how can we fix this.”