KANSAS CITY, MO—Determined to support all Democratic candidates without exception, local man Todd McMaster reportedly chanted “Vote blue no matter who, vote blue no matter who” Tuesday as he filled in every bubble on his party’s presidential primary ballot. “Let’s see, there’s one for Bernie, one for Biden, one for Klobuchar, one for Buttigieg—and I’d better not forget Warren or Bloomberg or Deval Patrick or Tulsi, ’cause they’re blue, too,” said McMaster, who frantically colored in the circle beside the first name on his form after noticing the candidate was a Democrat, and then did the same for the other 21 Democrats listed. “I’ve never heard of Robby Wells or Rocky de la Fuente III, but if they’re Democrats, they’re getting a vote. Almost got ’em all! Wait, hold on—I don’t see John Delaney or Kirsten Gillibrand on here. Am I supposed to write them in?” At press time, sources confirmed that McMaster had left all the down-ballot races blank.

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