SALT LAKE CITY—Teachers quorum president Mark Hansen was foiled from his usual creepy gazing of a popular Mia Maid member when she adjusted her wardrobe to be more comfortable (and consequently less revealing) on a particularly cold Sunday.

At first Hansen was disappointed by her matronly skirt and obfuscating blouse but then was glad that he did the right thing and kept his thoughts clean and pure.

“In a world where lavishness and provocative conduct have become the norm, it is refreshing to see moral hope in the midst of a total loss of decency,” said David Washington, Hansen’s bishop. “We all hope that we can live in a world free from cleavage, shoulders, and thighs, but unfortunately such is the Babylon we currently find ourselves in, where such symbols of depravity and debauchery are the uncontested norm.”

“Thankfully, the Mormon Church has continuously stood against this worldly norm as a respite of hope and peace for those who value morality. Efforts from this moral push are beginning to have a prominent effect in day-to-day life. Mark’s show of self control and other similar occurrences should be heralded as the significant triumphs they are.”

“We are very proud of him. He will be a great leader and missionary,” continued Bishop Washington. “We hope that this can be an example to other young men out there who are striving to be valiant priesthood holders.”

As Bishop Washington stepped off his box of soap he concluded, “It is uncertain if the cold weather will continue, but we certainly hope so. Satan has great power over the children of men during the summer.”