MINNEAPOLIS—Touting the product’s health benefits and lightly sweetened flavor, General Mills unveiled Wednesday its new OmniGrain Cheerios, which are made with every known grain on earth. “Our new OmniGrain Cheerios feature the delicious, nutritious taste of 337,000 different whole grains gathered from every biome on the planet,” said company spokeswoman Karen Elston, noting that General Mills spent over 10 years locating, cataloging, and then harvesting grains on every continent, including several now-extinct varieties that were extracted from amber and permafrost. “Whether starting off your morning or enjoying an afternoon or late-night snack, you’ll love the rich texture provided by OmniGrain Cheerios’ distinctive blend of every single type of grain in existence, from the commonplace Australian barley to the previously undocumented Southern blue quinoa, which was recorded by the ancient Inca but was only recently rediscovered by our Cheerios harvest team when scouring the high slopes of Huayna Picchu.” According to Elston, General Mills is also currently developing a new line of Yoplait Ultrabiotic yogurt that consists solely of billions of live bacteria with no dairy product.

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