The White House is currently in "total meltdown" as a frenzied manhunt for the anonymous "senior official" who wrote the New York Times opinion piece, about how a cabal of staff has staged a soft coup of Donald Trump's administration, gets going. It's a bit like 'Who Shot Mr Burns?': everyone's a suspect.

So who done it? Let's look at the clues. The NYT described the person as "a senior official in the Trump administration... whose job would be jeopardised by its disclosure". Judging by the content, it's by an old-school Republican figure who likes a bit of pious grandstanding and might have one eye on a tilt at the presidency in the future, and don't want the Republican party to become completely besmirched by the Trump presidency. But who is it?

Mike Pence

Getty Images

On the face of it, a vice-president describing his president as "amoral" and "anti-democratic" sounds a bit rogue, but it's an extremely popular theory. It rests on one word: 'lodestar'. It's a word Pence loves using, as this Twitter thread details, and it pops up in the article. The only thing is, people in the administration have told journalists that they'll often nick each other's idioms when they're leaking stuff to the press to throw that administration off their scent, and Pence's job wouldn't really be in jeopardy anyway as vice-presidents don't tend to get sacked. Pence's communications chief has distanced Pence from the article too, saying that "our office is above such amateur acts".

Mike Pompeo

Getty Images

Trump's Secretary of State has said that he definitely didn't write the article, which is exactly what someone who'd just written the article would say. Suspicious.

James Mattis

Getty Images

The defence secretary is the connoisseur's choice, on the grounds that he likes using the phrase "first principles", which is dropped into the article, and he's also less obviously berserk than most of the rest of the White House.

An Orient Express-Style Gang Assassination

20th Century Fox

If we're to believe there's a group in the White House working together to stop Trump, then why wouldn't they give themselves a bit of cover by drafting the piece together, making sure they sprinkle the verbal tics of various Republican figures and each sticking a dagger in? They'll have a fall guy ready to own up if necessary, but it'd still be an Agatha Christie-style group effort. It's quite ironic that for all his shouting about the 'deep state' trying to do him in, it's Trump's own incompetence that has necessitated the creation of a deep state to do him in.

Melania Trump

Getty Images

"Ha ha ha, what a funny joke", you might think. "Good one. Oh! My sides." This is not a joke. Omarosa Manigault Newman, the former Trump staffer who spent most of her time in the administration furtively taping everyone and everything, tweeted that she "gives clues" to the identity of the op-ed author on page 330 of her book Unhinged. The relavent passage refers to a "silent army" hiding "in [Trump's] party, his administration, and even in his own family." It's probably not one of the kids: Donald Jr's a bit busy (possibly mentoring Dr 'Interesting' Alex from Love Island on how to maintain an almost avant garde-terrible Instagram game), Eric wouldn't dare, and 12-year-old Barron probably won't get his teeth into governance until Trump's second term. It could be Ivanka, but Melania has more motive. She couldn't even bring herself to touch his face with her lips when they kissed at Trump's inauguration. She'd happily torch his administration.

"Melania Trump"

Alex Wong Getty Images

Ever since Twitter realised that the First Lady has body double, "Melania", all bets have been off as to how weird American political life could get. It'd make sense: "Melania" has access to the president and his inner circle, and the sooner she brings down the Trump White House, the sooner she can be freed.

Lawnmower Kid

This content is imported from Twitter. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Another controversial quote about Trump in Woodward’s new book just leaked:



“That guy is a douchebag”

-Lawnmower Kid pic.twitter.com/0PJ98NzfUV — Issy (@issyelliot) September 5, 2018

"I KNOW YOU WROTE THE OP-ED YOU GUTLESS TRAITOR."

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io