Bashar Al-Assad Can Not Believe He Did Not Make Kappa Sigma

With Fall Rush over, emotions run high and low among the Emory community, and Emory Junior Bashar Al-Assad is no exception. Having learned earlier today he didn’t make Kappa Sig’s “Smokers Round,” Assad spent the afternoon in deep reflection over what it was that made the Kappa Sigma brothers cut him in the final round. Looking back on the previous rush rounds, Assad remains confused on how this could have happened.

“Surely this is a mistake,” Assad said, reading once more the rejection letter from Kappa Sigma recruitment chair Harry Goldberg, “I met, like, forty brothers, and I thought we hit it off really well. And if it’s about mixers, I know I’m not the greatest looking guy, but have they seen my wife? I have moves, man.”

While Goldberg refused to comment on any specific rushee, he told The Spoke that, “The rush process is complex, and in no way a reflection of any rush candidate’s personality or character. We encourage anyone who did not make it into the final round to rush again in the Spring.” Assad, who’s done every rush since Spring Rush Freshman year, shows no sign of giving up yet.

“Look, brahs,” Assad said, “I’d do just about anything to get a K-Sig formal tee, ok?”

-NB