RICK MOSS | Culture | CONTACT

In a desperate bid to resurrect their once wholesome and family friendly image, the NRL have today decided to spend big dollars on flying out some of the biggest recording artists in music history for the 2019 NRL Grand Final.

This comes after an absolutely chaotic off-season that has resulted in roughly 66 different reported off-field scandals.

The NRL’s Integrity Unit has reportedly tripled in size since the Grand Final final buzzer on September 30 2018, as the code desperately recruits waves of new administration staff to sift through the piles of new incident reports.

From drugs to abusive behaviour to sex tapes to exotic animal trafficking to bashing Uber drivers, the playing ranks of the NRL have been busy over the last few months doing a little extra marketing that no one asked for.

However, the game’s body is hoping that today’s huge announcement will go some way towards stemming the bleeding this week.

“This a pretty big coup for us,” explained Saul Good, the Head of the NRL’s Culture Department and the driving force behind booking American RNB artists R Kelly and Chris Brown for the 2019 Grand Final entertainment.

“These two artists align perfectly with our brand and the thing our game stands for. Which is love, respect and good times”

“Like us, and our players, these artists have managed to brush aside and ignore damning allegations in an attempt to block out the noise and carry on as normal, so they’ll be up for the occasion .”

“and I’m sure they’ll take the heat off our players”

“And all that aside I’m sure they’ll put on a hell of a show”

“It’s the best way to turn on the ignition to our biggest night of the year [haha]”

There have also been talks between the NRL and the Sydney Theatre Company to secure Geoffrey Rush as the guest performer of the Australian national anthem.

More to come.