(Backdrop : Around one year in my PhD, on one stressful day, I wrote this.)

I like Maths! The one which has numbers. Before it turned into theorems and proofs. Before it has more digits than alphabets.

I had a dream today. The one which you have with your open eyes.

A small wooden cabin in mountains. Manali, Shimla, or I don’t know, maybe Eastern India. A primary school. And me, teaching them Maths. It would be perfect, no? I won’t be struggling to express myself as there will be more digits than words which are easier for me. I always thought because of my incapability to express myself clearly I can never be a teacher but a primary school Maths can be done.

I would teach those kids those digits and about whatever I have learnt from my life. Our class would be fun. Not just 2+2=4, but we will also talk about why there is a two and why double of it is 4. We will talk about Maths and us. We will talk about how life is a little more complicated than those straight forward righteous books and to tell them to be prepared but never be scared. I will tell them to chase their dreams. To find their passion. To find their happiness.

I would go for hiking on weekends. Running during the weeks. I would write. I would draw. I would play piano if I can afford it, if not, I would listen to it and imagine my fingers touching my first piano. I would learn stuff. New languages, even morse code. I would watch great movies and shows. I would read. I would read stories. I would read about stars. I would read about neuroscience, psychology, anatomy, philosophy and whatever I find interesting. I would imagine. I would do whatever I like. I would be free.

I won’t be rich monetarily but I would be rich in happiness, in peace, in calmness. And that’s what I need. That’s what I can afford. Aspiring to be more than that is not me. That’s too much for me. I can try and push myself but I am happy like this and that’s when I am and can do my best, when I am happy.

Nothing would be more relaxing than waking up in my cabin and starting my day with opening the window and letting that fresh air touch my face. I would close my eyes and not see. I would feel. Just feel. And listen to the music of that wind. It says something. I will pay attention. I will talk to it. It will reply to me. And that would be the beginning of the day for me. The beginning of a new and fresh life, every morning, every day.