Hey, everybody! PervertedBySpanglish here, and this is my first attempt at a script. It's pretty vanilla - a friends-to-lovers scenario, nothing crazy. Us vanilla people need to get our rocks off too!

The setup here is a party of young twenty-somethings who knew each other in high school and have come back from various universities and colleges to party in their hometown. One of those magical nights where the weather is perfect, everybody's just relaxed and having a good time, and romance - well, OK, sex - is in the air.

I purposefully did not add any stage directions or line readings, as I am in awe of the readers here and am much more interested to see what they bring to it. And obviously, these words are not written in stone - feel free to modify or play around with it as you like.

We open as THE GIRL and THE GUY are in the middle of a long very fun conversation about their university experiences and classes they took. THE GIRL is at that extremely pleasant stage of drunkenness where you're still in control of your faculties but the normal conversational filter is perhaps lower than usual.

Anyway, I hope you like it. Please forgive the Canadian spellings. "Favorite" just looks weird, man.

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... yeah, it was a crazy class. One Ingmar Bergman movie a week for sixteen weeks, while we contemplated what Bergman meant by the "silence of God". Which, OK, fine, but I didn't realize it was a co-class between the film and religious departments, and for me that's a very simple answer: God is silent because He isn't, you know, real. And man, sixteen Bergman movies in four months is a lot of depressing Swedish Calvinism to handle. The class should have come with a prescription to Zoloft!

Oh! Yikes, sorry, I didn't know. You've been on Zoloft for a while? So that explains why you haven't been drinking! Yeah, I know alcohol and anti-depressants don't mix. Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. I can tell you that if you've got anxiety and depression, I'd never know it - we've been talking for hours now, and I had absolutely no idea. God only knows where the people I came with are. Probably off snogging somewhere.... So, yeah, whatever you're on seems to be working for you.

I've been putting my foot in it a lot lately. Oh my God, I forgot to tell you - so the other film class I took was on Canadian cinema - which I took because Cronenberg's Videodrome was on the course list, and I was like "Yeah, man, watch James Woods try to have sex with a television for credit? Sign me up!" But it turns out I liked most of the movies for the course, most of which I hadn't really ever heard of before.

One of 'em was a Quebecois movie called The Decline Of The American Empire. ... Oh, you know it. Yeah, of course you know it. I forgot you've seen every movie ever made. Anyway, I really liked it. There's this tremendous scene where one of the characters, a history prof, talks about his best sexual experience: getting a hand job from a lady masseuse while she told him why the year 1000AD was her favourite year from a historical perspective. So he was both mentally AND physically stimulated at the same time!

Yeah, pretty hot, agreed. Apparently we're in a minority though because I went out with a bunch of the girls from the class afterward and they were pretty scandalized by it. I didn't pick that up at first, though, and when one of them asked "Can you believe that story the history prof told?" I piped up and said "Believe it? I wish I was the one giving him the handjob!"

Yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh. It's funny! I'm such an idiot. The girls looked at me like I was an alien, and I made some excuse to slink away. So embarrassing.

Sorry, what? You don't think I'm an idiot? Well... thank you. I don't really either. It's just a dumb nervous reflex. You know, self-depreciation as a defense mechanism. I know I'm more than just a pretty face with a smokin' bod. See? Another joke!

... What do you mean "Why am I nervous"? Do... do you really not know? Wow. Um.... look I'd rather not talk about this in the middle of this party. Let's get some fresh air on the balcony, doesn't look like there's anybody out there...

OK. Look. I haven't seen you for a while, not since high school, and I know we were friendly but we weren't ever super close. But tonight I remembered how much I really like talking to you. You're smart and funny and you clearly have ridiculous taste in movies, and I haven't been able to really nerd out with anybody else at uni.

But... can I ask you a question? I promise I don't mean anything nasty by it or anything, and I know that university is a time for people to experiment and find themselves, so.... OK fine I'll spit it out. Are you gay?

Don't look so shocked! I'm fine with it if you are! I'm just curious because... well, I'm just curious.

Oh, you're... not gay. Um. OK. Huh.

No, it's nothing. I mean if you're not gay, then I guess you're just not into me personally? That's OK too, I just feel dumb because I've been flirting like mad for the past two hours and I'm pretty good at it but you haven't really responded so I thought "well maybe he's gay" but you're not so I guess I'm just not your type. It's fine.

... I am your type? You think I'm... hot? Then WHY THE FUCK HAVE YOU NOT LOOKED AT MY TITS??? I almost THREW MY BACK OUT trying to show them off when we were talking! I've been throwing crazy body language at you since you walked in the door! What the hell, man! If you liked me, why didn't you make a move so I didn't feel like a dumbass!

Oh. Oh, wait. It's the anxiety, isn't it. Shit. Of course. It all makes sense. I remember talking with one of your ex girlfriends in high school about how she had to make the first move on you. Well, OK then. Let me take off this shirt... there. I am now showing you my tits, because I want you to look at them. I want you to touch them. I really, really want you to suck on them. I've been wanting that for a while. Yeah, since before tonight. The reason I even came to this dumb party is that I heard you'd be here.

Take my hand. We're gonna find a more private place so I can show you exactly how much I want you. Even you'll be able to figure it out....

(From here, it's up to you, dear Reader. Fill out the rest with some hot sexcapades, whatever turns you on, for as long as you like.)

Wow, that was... wow. So I guess we both learned something here tonight. You learned that I like you, and you learned that I really do have some amazing tits.