The imprisonment sequence isn’t, though. Brolin’s inconsistent performance didn't help, and one wonders if Brolin had ever eased into the role (even if he’s mostly fine). In a big change from the original film where the main character is painted as a sympathetic schmuck who needed a helping hand, Protesvich’s screenplay has him as the kind of guy even your most sweet-tempered friend wouldn’t mind punching in the face. Oldboy opens with ten merciless minutes of Joe being an overaggressive jackass, and it takes far too long for audiences to care about him. Unfortunately, problems continue past the casting and characterizations. Oldboy may be the best advertisement for an Apple product you’ve ever seen: not only do both the good and bad guys use the iPhone 5S, but even with 20 years in total isolation and little-to-no knowledge of computers let alone the internet, Joe learns to use MAC OS X in mere minutes. It’s that easy, folks! I wish I could say such a funny oversight was the biggest logic gap in the movie, but it’s far from. Oldboy is chock full of awkward contrivances that mire the plot and characters into obscurity. My advice? Try not to think about them.

The original has its fair share of contrivances too, but there’s a crucial difference between both adaptations, and it proves to be one of the most crippling flaws of the newer. 2003’s is a mythic, operatic, grandly-staged tale that works as much as a fable as it does a drama. Park uses heavy stylization throughout, and as a consequence Oldboy’s style and story are put in high priority next to the raw logic of the plot. But Protesvich and Lee made a mistake. 2013’s Oldboy is too literal. For the most part, the drama is played straight, and it doesn’t really work. A thematically rich premise becomes a ridiculous one, as do the bizarre friendships Joe forms once released. Drastic changes in the ending and overall story rip out the heart and soul of the movie, leaving nothing but a surface layer shell. It’s an insulting reminder of the original. Still, genre lovers will find much to enjoy, especially with Lee’s aesthetic choices. He doesn’t stick to one single style throughout, and in different instances uses shaky cam, montages of static shot close-ups, and carefully coordinated crane shots. It’s not close to stylistically daring, but he doesn’t play it safe either. There’s also a sense he intended to mimic the techniques of South Korean cinema, the country of the original. This is both in movement and in mood and if it was his goal, it was an effective one. Sharlto Copley’s vampiric performance caters to this idea, with him speaking in the same soft register as many of the villains of Asian cinema. Lee gives Oldboy a credence it wouldn’t have had otherwise, and even if Spielberg, ironically, may have provided a better adaptation, it probably would have been a worse movie.

Oldboy is an Oreo without the frosting. It may not match up to the original cookie, but it’s still pretty good.

B-