Four Real-Life Things That Are Creepier Than Halloween

The entire month of October is more or less devoted to doing something that is perceived as frightening, which it usually fails to do. As a child of the Internet age, there isn’t much I haven’t seen in terms of horrific, mind-numbingly evil fiction or “realistic fiction” (fake is fake is fake).

So instead of going down the a-typical list of things you should do as a horror geek, I decided to dig up real things that are way creepier than Halloween and the entire month of October combined. Actually, this stuff is so twisted, you should probably click the little “x” in the corner and call it a day. You don’t want to read this. (I’m F&#^$ serious, look away.)

But if you must, here are four real things that beat Halloween’s scare factor…

The Body Farm

Hypothetically, a Zombie outbreak is the most mind-numbingly frightening thing that our world could ever experience. But until that day comes, The Body Farm takes the cake in terms of creepy ass place that actually exists. In 1981, Dr. William Bass created the first facility devoted to recreating various situations in which human bodies decompose a.k.a. a compound of death.

Located on a 2.5 acre stretch of land in Knoxville, Tenn., the compound contains dead bodies stuffed in car trunks, left in wooded areas to rot, placed in and under water, infested by insect populations, buried in shallow soil…Basically if you’ve seen it on CSI then the chances are pretty good its taken place on The Body Farm.

Of course, all of this is being done in the name of forensic science, but, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still the creepiest place in the entire world.

Crash Test Zombies (Buckle up!)

Do you remember those government-funded public service announcements reminding people to buckle up? They used to prosthetic “dummies” who would quip back and forth until inevitably having their car crash. They were so well perceived that they even did a short-lived cartoon series using the Crash-Test-Dummies.

Well, sometimes, you just can’t get a natural five star crash test safety rating without using the real deal — dead human bodies. General Motors is actually the only documented company to have continued to use the dead bodies, most recently by testing Saab model automobiles in the comforts of Sweden. I wonder what these deceased folks would say if they knew how “science” decided to use their lifeless body.

Tennessee Law Protects the “Resting”

If you live in Tennessee then you’ve probably seen a whole lot of small patches of headstones crammed into the middle of strip malls and major areas of commerce. The reason for this is the state’s law concerning grave sites. Basically, if you buy a plot of land that happens to contain an old family relative underneath its soil, you’ve got to put it into the contract that you’ll maintain the site and will not remove it without probably cause. Apparently, it’s very difficult to find a really good probable cause because there are solitary graves everywhere.

I’m not even lying, there’s a dead 10-year-old, (which I would liked to believe is actually a dog with a very fancy marble headstone), in my backyard. I didn’t even notice this until about a month after signing the lease. So pretty much I live in constant fear that the creepy little girl from Night of the Living Dead will pay me a surprise visit.

To be a hundred percent clear, I don’t know the state laws for grave/burial sites are similar in other states. What I do know is that they filmed the first Evil Dead movie in this state for a reason.

Toxoplasmosis

Enjoy eating pork? Bacon? Ham? Yeah, well you could be harboring a parasitic cousin of the zombie apocalypse called Toxoplasma gondii and a third of the world is already infected, probably. But don’t worry, if you’re firmly against the consumption of pigs you’re insane and also just as much at risk. Toxoplasmosis can also be contracted by eating the meat of lamb, cows and any enclosed area containing cat feces.

So what exactly does this parasite do? Not much if your human, but you can never get rid of the stuff either. Tests done on rats indicate a major shift in the way rats percieve the scent of feline urine. While the natural reaction for these rodents is to become immediately fearful, once infected with the parasite, the rats actually become attracted to the smell. This is because the organism can’t actually reproduce inside of us — or even the rats themselves. It can, however, grow inside the body of a cat. So it messes with the emotions of the rats so that they actually WANT TO DIE.Â Seriously, knowing this how can you possibly think we’re just a bad flu shot away from the undead walking the earth.