When you’re sixteen and your Catholic school girls gym teacher is banging you multiple times a week on school grounds, you’ve got to start believing in Jesus. Megan Mahoney, who sounds like every single girl who ever went to Catholic school, was busted for over 30 counts of statutory rape on one of the students at Moore Catholic High in Staten Island. Let’s just admit any time there’s an underaged sex crime involving Catholic institutions our first thought goes to boys and paddles in the rectory. So even the pearl clutchers who lament twenty and thirty-something crazy horny women riding high school boys have to be a little relieved nobody’s going too traumatized to lead a normal life. In fact, this lucky young bastard got a nice head start on life.

Unlike most hot for teacher cases these days, this boy seemed to keep the entire taboo fuckfest on the down low. Good for you, son. He got busted after his ex-girlfriend saw him being post-coitally giggly with the school teacher at a pizzeria. New York pizza really is the best in the world after you’ve been railing the chesty assistant girls basketball coach. Leave it to a jealous ex to ruin a good thing.

Mahoney faces up to a lifetime or two in prison for her crimes of passion. We need to set an example so good looking teachers with large knockers know they can’t just fulfill the most powerful dream of their male students because their vaginas get tingly around junior jocks. Teen boys are meant to struggle with girls. It encourages all sorts of positive feelings like frustration and anger and misogyny. Shame on you, Megan Mahoney. Any idea where you’ll be locked up yet?

Photo credit: Staten Island Advance/Hilton Flores

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