WEST Ham has been disappointed by how many of the applicants for its manager’s role are departing boss Sam Allardyce.

The Hammers have commenced interviews with potential replacements for Allardyce but were shocked to discover that their most promising prospect was Allardyce wearing goggles, a facial scarf and speaking with an affected lisp.

West Ham co-chairman David Gold said: “The disguises are quite poorly executed. It’s perhaps a little naive on Big Sam’s part to imagine that he could attach a fake moustache and we’d believe he was one of the most sought-after coaches in France.

“Sam de Allardyce was unable to understand even the most rudimentary French phrases and I’m pretty sure there’s no such team as FC Blancmange.”

However Gold believes the right man will eventually present himself: “Somewhere out there is a coach who wants to play passing football, who brings a fresh approach to the game and doesn’t believe that Bovril is a delicacy.”