"Most straight people—even the most gay-supportive—don’t typically notice that stuff like this even exists."

The last words I ever expected to see on a kids’ camp website: masturbation, adultery, fornication, incest, prostitution, pornography and zoophilia. (I had to look that last one up—and my Google ads will never be the same.)

But yet there it was on my screen while researching day camp options for my 8-year-olds. Next to tales of relaxing lazy rivers, exciting dodgeball matches and their popular 40-foot-tall zip line, Camp Thurman in Arlington, Texas, has two pages (two fucking pages!) professing their opposition to gay marriage and “sexual immorality.”

In fact, a quick review counted the words “sex” or “sexual” mentioned nearly three dozen times on their website. For a camp. For kids. (Yes, I know it’s Texas, but even that’s ridiculous by Lone Star standards.)

On the main homepage of their website, the very first link directs you to an “Our Beliefs” page, which talks about their faith in Jesus, positive values, etc.

None of this is dissimilar to most camp websites—with one notable exception: a top section is titled “Human Sexuality” and espouses the camp’s belief that marriage is reserved for one man and one woman.

We believe that God has established in His Word a sexual ethic that is unchanging as reflective of God’s perfect character (Hebrews 13:8; Psalm 102:25-27). This includes marriage as defined by God in the revelation of His Word as being between one man and one woman (Mark 10:6; Genesis 2:24). We believe that any other sexual activity outside this covenant of marriage is sinful and explicitly forbidden (1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Colossians 3:5).

Further, “Human Sexuality” is the ONLY section with button to click for more information on the topic, linking to a page called “Marriage & Sexuality” that’s so long that I had to take three screenshots to capture it all. It even has a preamble. At this point, I’m screaming “What in hell does a relaxing lazy river have to do with what you think about my marriage?!”

And if you search even further, they require their staff and volunteers to pledge to hold the same beliefs about “sexual immorality” as the camp, including abstinence from masturbation and pornography, among other things.

That’s a lot to ask a hormonal 17-year old making minimum wage to watch a bunch of rich people’s bratty kids in the brutal Texas heat.

All joking aside, I’m sure it’s a lovely program for learning how to build a raging campfire, adventurously rope swing across a craggy ravine or artfully create a macaroni necklace masterpiece… and topics of masturbation, zoophilia and pornography likely never come up with the kids (God, I hope).

In fact, since posting about it on Facebook, numerous gay-ally straight friends have contacted me that their kids love that camp, and they’re shocked to learn about this. (Nevermind that it’s pretty prominent on their website.)

Then again, most straight people—even the most gay-supportive—don’t typically notice that stuff like this even exists. On the other hand, we gays are trained by a lifetime of bad experiences to always sniff for these things out of self protection.

And before anyone starts accusing me of being anti-Christian, you can un-clutch your pearls and put down your cross. I am a practicing Christian. I pray almost daily, and our family attends church more than most of our friends. In fact, our children actually just returned from two weeks at a summer sleepaway camp where they attended chapel every single day.

And I’m totally supportive of that.

This isn’t about Christianity. It’s about pushing an agenda in way that’s completely inappropriate. What’s gay marriage have to do with finger painting, dodgeball and water slides?!

Jeez, I feel like Ousier convincing Annelle that I pray.

A version of this story appeared on He Said.