Answers to pressing SF etiquette dilemmas, from 'Judge' John Hodgman Backpacks on BART, Uber tipping, bike safety and more

Is it wrong to paint your house gray? SFGATE: San Francisco historically has a lot of bright colored houses, but the trend lately is to shift to more neutral greys. If you buy a home with a funky paint job, is there a responsibility to keep the original color? Hodgman: I think it’s probably the cooler thing to do to maintain your home’s quirk and continuity within the neighborhood that you are joining as a stranger. But it’s your property, and truthfully, if you can afford to buy a house in San Francisco and still have money left over to repaint it gray, you probably aren’t all that cool to begin with. less Is it wrong to paint your house gray? SFGATE: San Francisco historically has a lot of bright colored houses, but the trend lately is to shift to more neutral greys. If you buy a home with a funky paint job, is ... more Photo: Kevin Boutwell/Getty Images Photo: Kevin Boutwell/Getty Images Image 1 of / 8 Caption Close Answers to pressing SF etiquette dilemmas, from 'Judge' John Hodgman 1 / 8 Back to Gallery

Living in San Francisco presents an array of etiquette issues, both large and small. Some of these issues require huge structural changes, while others simply demand you put yourself in the line of fire of that dude wearing a huge backpack on BART.

For the answers to some of those not-so-pressing ethical dilemmas, we turned to John Hodgman (who performs at Sketchfest 2020 on January 16th). A former contributor to "The Daily Show with John Stewart," Hodgman writes the Dear Abby-like "Judge John Hodgman" etiquette column in the New York Times Magazine and produces a popular podcast by the same name.

Read on to learn his thoughts on Uber tipping, biking self-defense and house painting.

RELATED: How 3 twenty-somethings built San Francisco’s Sketchfest, a festival unlike any other

Dealing with the BART Backpack guy

SFGATE: Every time I’m on BART, there’s a guy with a backpack taking up three people’s worth of space and swinging it around in everyone’s faces. For everyone’s best interest, is it okay to ask him to take it off? Does he have a responsibility to hold it in front of him? And what are you supposed to say to someone so oblivious?

Judge John Hodgman: If this person is actually swinging the backpack around in people’s faces, then yes: intervention is required. If you mean he’s just wearing his backpack instead of taking it off and putting it at his feet, like he absolutely should, then I appreciate your silent, seething hyperbole, but proceed with caution. San Francisco is not necessarily the U.S. capital of male entitlement, but it's up there. Without clear and obvious damage caused your unasked for advice will likely prompt defensive counter-sanctimony. For the good of all, throw yourself into the line of backpack fire and offer him every chance to accidentally slam you with that thing. Then your complaint will have more weight.

What's a biker to do?

SFGATE: Biking in San Francisco can be a nightmare. Cars stall in the bike lanes, don’t keep their distance and often make dangerous turns. But even when they’ve clearly been wronged, bikers are in such a vulnerable position that it’s hard to decide on the correct response to bad drivers. What’s a biker to do when they’re nearly killed by a driver? Yell? Bang on their window?

Hodgman: Yelling is a reasonable reaction to nearly being killed. Attacking someone else’s property is an escalation only practiced by those who forget that the other party has already acted aggressively and erratically, plus they are driving a CAR. The most important thing to remember is, even though you, as a bicyclist have virtue on your side, it will not protect you from being run over.

Do rideshare drivers always deserve a tip?

SFGATE: Rideshares have replaced taxis as the default way to get around, but since it’s a new technology, the rules of tipping aren’t so codified. Some members of the SFGATE staff believe that you should tip your driver no matter what, while others feel like if the driver doesn’t do a good job, they don’t deserve a bonus. Who’s correct?

Hodgman: Always, always, always tip. Tipping is one of the best and frankly least expensive ways to be generous and remind service workers that you recognize they are also human beings. Withholding a tip teaches no lesson other than some people are assholes. A three to five dollar tip is a tiny hill to die on: only the smallest people can do it.

RELATED: A study said that 60 percent of Uber riders don't tip. Here's what rideshare drivers had to say.

How not to be a tool in an Uber pool

SFGATE: Another trend with rideshares is pools, where you’re splitting a car with strangers. Is it necessary to acknowledge these other riders with a hello or a polite nod? Make small talk? Or immediately dive into your phone.

Hodgman: Look, I appreciate that rideshares, like most apps, were developed by socially awkward technologists in San Francisco with the precise purpose of moving through the world with as little social interaction and terrifying contact as possible — especially if it involves interacting with strangers of different national, class, or ethnic backgrounds. But this is bad. Remember we are all human. You don’t have to go deep but say hello to your driver. Say hello to your fellow passengers. You can do this.

Is it wrong to paint your house gray?

SFGATE: San Francisco historically has a lot of bright-colored houses, but the trend lately is to shift to more neutral greys. If you buy a home with a funky paint job, is there a responsibility to keep the original color?

Hodgman: I think it’s probably the cooler thing to do to maintain your home’s quirk and continuity within the neighborhood that you are joining as a stranger. But it’s your property, and truthfully, if you can afford to buy a house in San Francisco and still have money left over to repaint it gray, you probably aren’t all that cool to begin with.

Judge John Hodgman performs at Sketchfest 2020 on Thursday, January 16th at the Castro Theatre

Dan Gentile is a digital editor at SFGATE. Email: Dan.Gentile@sfgate.com | Twitter: @Dannosphere