A 20-year-old from Missouri is in jail after confessing that he’d been planning to shoot up a theater showing The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 over the weekend. Blaec Lammers (above, with the righteous goat and sick star tat) was arrested at a hamburger joint after his mom tipped off police in Bolivar, MO, that he’d gone off his meds and she thought he was planning an Aurora-style shooting. It’s a good thing she did, but let’s not minimize her culpability in this. She was after all the one who named him “Blaec Lammers.” Civilization starts to break down when you can’t spell your own kid’s name.

Bolivar police have released a probable-cause statement that details the unlikely events. According to the release, Lammers’ mother contacted authorities Thursday, expressing concern about her son’s possible plans. Soon, an officer approached Lammers at a hamburger restaurant and he was taken into custody. “Blaec Lammers and I then began talking about recent shootings that have been in the news. Blaec Lammers stated that he had a lot in common with the people that have been involved in those shootings. Blaec Lammers state that he was quiet, kind of a loner, had recently purchased firearms and didn’t tell anybody about it, and had homicidal thoughts. Blaec Lammers further stated that he had purchased the firearms with the intentions of shooting up the movie theater in Bolivar.”

Lammers apparently had bought a ticket to a Twilight screening on Sunday, but worried that he’d run out of ammunition and decided to shoot up a Walmart instead.

“Blaec Lammers stated he would walk into the store and just start shooting people at random and if he ran out of ammunition (he said he purchased 400 rounds) he would just break the glass where the ammunition is being stored and get some more and keep shooting until the police arrived. Blaec Lammers stated he would then turn himself into police when they arrived.”

Talk about free advertising for Walmart. “And if it turned into a hostage situation, we could survive for weeks on the bargain basement groceries!”

The statement also says that employees of Walmart called the cops on Lammer back in 2009, when he was following a worker around the store. He later admitted that he wanted to stab the employee. In a statement, Bolivar police said they arrested Lammers and charged him for “making terrorist threat, armed criminal action and attempted 1st degree assault.” [LATimes, Riverfront Times]

Meanwhile, what is to be done about the scourge of these awful, violent Stephenie Meyer movies that induce impressionable youths to kill? I’m all for freedom of speech, but at what cost? These sickening abstinence parables need to be banned at once. That Taylor Lautner kid should be monitored 24 hours a day with a special ankle bracelet, which would explode if he gets too close to a camera.