The stares. The dirty looks. The criticism of their parenting. It was all too much for Mike and Cassidi Rand.

Every time the Victorville couple dined out with their autistic son, they felt like other patrons were judging them, whether they said anything to them or not. They stopped going to most restaurants because of the stress and anxiety they felt whenever Peyton, now 7, had outbursts or refused to sit still.

“You may not see the eyes looking at you, but you can feel the eyes looking at you,” Mike Rand said. “It was very uncomfortable.”

The Rands no longer have to worry if Peyton throws a tantrum or drops his drink.

Nearly a year ago, they started a local chapter of a national group, Autism Eats, which aims to make eating out a fun and relaxing experience for parents whose children have autism, a neurological disorder that inhibits a child’s ability to interact with the world. Symptoms range from an inability to look people in the eye to constant repetition of words to odd emotional outbursts. There is no single known cause.

Every month or so, the group hosts parties at BJ’s Restaurant and Brewhouse, which reserves a large area for families who feast on pizza and pasta while enjoying appearances by a magician, superheroes, “Star Wars” characters and other entertainers.

“Nobody in here is going to care that your child is screaming or yelling or having a fit,” Mike Rand said during a recent gathering at the BJ’s in Rancho Cucamonga. “Everyone is the same. We’re all equals.”

Solutions sought

Autism Eats is one of several Inland efforts to improve accommodations for people with the disorder, which is exploding across the country. A southwest Riverside County task force and a Temecula nonprofit are among those seeking solutions to challenges affecting autistic children and their families.

Cases of autism have risen nationally to one in 68 children — nearly twice the 2004 rate. Boys are almost five times as likely to be diagnosed as girls, a 2016 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found. The Inland area has about 12,000 children and adults with autism, according to Autism Society Inland Empire.

“It’s a public health crisis that needs to be addressed,” said Temecula City Councilman Mike Naggar, whose son has autism.

Cases have skyrocketed mainly because the criteria for diagnosing autism has been broadened considerably, said Alison Singer, president of the New York City-based Autism Science Foundation.

People with average or above average IQs but still have difficulty getting along with others are now considered autistic, she said.

Also, she said, scientific studies have shown that older mothers and fathers have a greater risk of having kids with autism — a situation that’s worsened as more parents wait longer to have children.

Finally, advances in medicine and technology have increased the survival rate of premature babies, many of whom have developmental issues including autism, she said.

Naggar organized the Southwest Riverside Autism Task Force in 2010 after his then 5-year-old son, Liam, was diagnosed with the disorder. The group, which consists of elected officials from Temecula, Murrieta, Perris, Wildomar, Hemet, Menifee, Canyon Lake and Lake Elsinore, created a resource guide and tackled jobs, housing and other issues.

“We have to start incorporating them into our community, teaching them job skills, or they’re the coach potatoes, welfare recipients and criminals of the future if we don’t do anything,” Naggar said.

Temecula includes the special-needs community in city activities, programs and services, he said.

The city hosts Easter egg hunts for kids with autism. At carnivals, children with autism wear arm bands letting them go to the front of the line. Twice a year, the city partners with Spero Vineyards in Temecula Valley Wine Country on an eight-week job training program teaching 10 autistic and special needs youth about the winemaking business.

The city opened Eagle Soar Playground and Splash Pad at Margarita Community Park, which has equipment with colors and sounds that are attractive to special needs children. It includes placards explaining autism and Down syndrome to promote awareness and understanding by others.

Temecula also has plans for a 245-unit condominium project near Pechanga Resort & Casino that could open in spring 2019. Prior to construction, buyers at the proposed Cypress Ridge development can select specially designed light fixtures, ceilings, windows, doors and other accommodations for people with special needs, city officials said.

Another effort is led by Mark Anselmo, a founder of the Temecula nonprofit Our Nicholas Foundation, which was started in 2005, a couple years after his son, Nicholas, now 16, was diagnosed with autism.

The group’s activities include teen dance parties, sensory-friendly movie nights with the lights turned up and the sound turned down, as well as an annual soccer season that teaches autistic kids to play with other children and young adults.

Focusing on food

A few years ago, the foundation and Autism Society Inland Empire started Exceptional Diners, a program for restaurants that aims to cut the wait time for families with autistic children.

Richie’s Real American Diner, which has three Inland restaurants, tries to seat patrons with autism right away and give them fast service.

As soon as the family arrives at their table, the server brings French fries, mashed potatoes “or something right off the grill to keep that kiddo occupied and happy,” said Jack Williams, who owns the Murrieta and Temecula locations with his wife, Linda. His daughter and son-in-law own a third restaurant at Victoria Gardens in Rancho Cucamonga.

“You respect everybody and you want to help anyone who has the slightest handicap or disability of any type have the best experience,” Jack Williams said. “Go out of your way 100 percent for that person or that family.”

In San Bernardino County, Autism Eats has held eight events since forming last September — all at BJ’s, where Cassidi Rand is a senior manager at the Victorville restaurant.

The group’s first gathering outside the High Desert was to the Rancho Cucamonga eatery in early August. While enjoying lunch, about 60 people were treated to table-side card tricks by magician Jonathan Molo, who also performed after the meal.

“For them to come out like this, it’s a huge moment,” Cassidi Rand said. “Today, we had a little girl drink from a straw for the first time. They see other kids and feel comfortable.”

Mike Rand, 33, said he hopes the parties are “a stepping stone” for families that will no longer be afraid to take their autistic kids to other public places such supermarkets and movie theaters.

Melody Stillwell and her husband David, who live in Chino Hills, took their two autistic boys, ages 7 and 10, to the Rancho Cucamonga event. It was a great way to meet other families going through the same struggles, Melody Stillwell said.

“The kids can be themselves, the families can be themselves,” she said. “They don’t have to worry, ‘Are we being too loud?’”

Rialto resident Alena Torres, 31, sat in a corner of the restaurant with her 10-year-old daughter, Kylie, who can’t talk, has severe anxiety and gets upset and aggressive in unfamiliar places.

“I avoided going out for a very long time,” Torres said. “She never gets to experience this. It makes me feel good that there are people out there who understand.”

ABOUT THE GROUP

Name: Autism Eats

Founded: 2014 by Leonard and Delphine Zohn, a Massachusetts couple who have an autistic son

Locally: Mike and Cassidi Rand started a Victorville branch in September 2016

What it is: Every month or so, the group holds parties at BJ’s Restaurant and Brewhouse with all-you-can eat meals and entertainment for families with autistic children.

Purpose: Offer a stress-free dining experience for parents who don’t have to worry if their autistic kids have outbursts or refuse to sit still.

Contact: 760-900-2303 or Autismeatshd@yahoo.com; https://www.facebook.com/autismeatsHD/