Snacky Time

Cookie Monster: I hungry, it snacky time.



Me: Ok, remember, only healthy stuff.



Cookie Monster: Ok, ok.



Meat sack walks to the fridge.

Cookie Monster: Ug, carrots.



Me: They’re baby carrots! You LIKE baby carrots.



Cookie Monster: Store brand carrots have bad graphic design so me not want them. Want salty. Ooo! Turkey! Only 90 calories! We eat?



Me: Wait a minute…where did this turkey come from?



Cookie Monster: You shaddup. Me eat with carrots, then. Make carrots salty.



Me: No, seriously, when did you buy this? Because-



Cookie Monster: Expires April, it fine.



Me: You’re forgetting that the fridge had no electricity for 4 days.



Cookie Monster: It vacuum-sealed, it fine.



Me: That lunchmeat is sketchy.



Cookie Monster: You been drinking sketchy almond milk for days. You not dead. It fine.



Me: Almond milk is almonds. Sketchy lunchmeat might kill us.



Cookie Monster: Maybe you get small parasite. Tapeworm if lucky. You eat anything you want then.



Me: You know that’s not how it work. We’ll die.



Mom Voice: You vasting food den. In Soviety Hungary, ve didn’t have food! And money. And you’ve kept dah fridge open dis whole time? You should feel GUILTY! ALVAYS!



Me: No, Mom Voice, but….



Husband Voice: You got it on sale for 79 cents. Please don’t die because you don’t want to waste 79 cents of sketchy lunchmeat.



Cookie Monster: Ok, you right. We’re super-shoppers. We eat carrots now.