Superheroes You Wouldn’t Want As Friends

1. Professor X

Friend: Hmm… Does your person have a hat?

Professor X: No.

Friend: Darn it.

Professor X: (putting his hand up to his temple) Is your person Alfred?

Friend: God damn it! You said you’d stop doing that!

Professor X: Doing what?

Friend: You’re clearly cheating!

Professor X: I’m not cheating.

Friend: Yes you are.

Professor X: (putting hand up to his temple)

Friend & Professor X: “Professor X is not cheating.”

Professor X: Your guess.





2. Bruce Banner/The Incredible Hulk

Bruce: Hello? Is anybody home?

Friends: SURPRIIIISE! Happy birthday!

Bruce: Oh! Oh god!

Friend: Bruce, are you okay?

Bruce: Get…get out of here! Run! ARRRRGHHH

(Screams)





3. Batman

Friend 1: …8…9…10! Ready or not, here we come!

Friend 2: We’re gonna fiiiiind youuuu…

Friend 1: See him yet, Billy?

(lights suddenly go out)

Friend 1: What just–

(grappling hook)

Friend 2: (screams, punching sounds)

Friend 1: Oh god. Hello? Billy? Batman?

Batman: I AM THE NIGHT



4. Wolverine

Friend: I really feel like I’ve had enough.

Wolverine: Another round, bub.

Friend: My whole body is numb from the alcohols.

Wolverine: Another. Round.

(both take shot)

Friend: I need a bucket and the hospital.

Wolverine: Another round, bub.





5. The Flash

Flash: Tag, you’re it!

Friend: …fuck.



