I’m not one to usually complain about aliments. [We all suffer daily, whether it’s physically or emotionally or just dealing with your basic fucktard.] This morning I awoke in so much pain, the tears just began streaming down my face before I could even remove myself from bed. Fortunately, this morning allowed for a little extra snuggle time since hubby had a late start today. I was able to lie down, snuggled in his arm and the fortress of pillows we’ve erected since surgery until my cocktail of pain meds kicked in.

Ya know, I learned you can produce tears & not even know your’re crying. The fuck? Right? This phenomena has happened to me a lot since fucking breast cancer decided to invade my boob. My eyes will begin streaming, I’ll wipe and think-fuck, I’m crying again.

Today makes 14 days since I’ve been in the hospital. 14 days since I lost my boobs. 14 days since the cancer was extracted from my breast tissue. 14 days of being uncomfortable with sleeping, walking, dressing & general lifing.

Since we are working folks, we don’t have the luxury for hubby to stay home to ensure I heal fully and properly. As some of you may know, five years olds can sometimes act like monkeys on meth….They are a crazy, but lovable type of human….Children that is, not meth monkeys. So, I try to ‘rest’ & ‘recover’ as much as I can with a five year old running a muck.

Met with my oncologist, Dr. Stacy Telloni, yesterday. Thought I’d be learning of my cancer treatment & how to remain free from that fucking beast that is cancer. She said the invasive lobular cancer has kinda blurred some margins & shit. Therefore she has ordered an OncoType DX Breast Cancer Test. The results from this test should arrive in about three weeks. This test will determine the amount, strength & all that other shit that goes into chemotherapy.

Fortunately for me, they’ll use the breast tissue extracted from my bilateral mastectomy to study the cells, no more skin needs to be scraped from me to perform this. My next appointment with her is 2/4/16–rest assured I’ll keep those who are reading my bloggy in the loop. I will need chemo, which I understand is another necessary evil to keep the goddamned cancer at bay.

I’ve been reading up on nipple reconstruction recently. Did you know they can take labia tissue to construct nipples? They do 3d tattoo nipples. I held a prosthetic boob yesterday, much different than I imagined.

TBT prior to breast cancer and my own bilateral mastectomy, I’d never given the loss of my nipples any consideration at all. Another thing I must contend with when looking in the mirror. And I realize it’s only been 14 days, but I’m still bruised and swole as fuck. I see my plastic surgeon 1/19/15 and get my first fill-up in my expanders. That should be fun….not….I hear this is a painful process and many women stop before they achieve their goal size….We shall see how this affects me.

Oh! And after 13 days, the second drainage tube was finally removed. Goddamned fucker gushed like a fucking geyser I tell ya! But is was such a relief to have that tubing gone from my body….Again, I think this goes back to our ability to adapt to our ‘new normal’. After 13 days, it become my norm to drain & record the fluid from those pesky bulbs. They wrapped me like a mummy to ensure the blood did not leak through my clothes. And I left the oncology office in tears over the pain from tube removal–big ole fucking ouchy.

We have begun yet another new year. I hope you guys were able to ring it in with friends and family by your side; we certainly did. Hopefully this year I will remain cancer free…You will remain cancer….No matter the cancer…all cancers suck ass.