Welcome to Trump Fish. What is your gender? MALE FEMALE Welcome to Trump Fish. Do you have your husband's permission to view this website? YES NO We're sorry. Unfortunately we are not able to accommodate you at this time. For further inquiries, your husband can contact us at donald@trump.fish. Welcome to Trump Fish. What is your age? 0-18 18-30 30+ Welcome to Trump Fish. Congratulations! As a minor, you qualify for a personal one-on-one visit to Mr. Trump's office! Note: Absolutely NO recording devices or adult supervisors allowed. Please email donald@trump.fish for terms and conditions. NEXT We're sorry. Unfortunately, due to our strict quality standards for our patrons, we are unable to accomodate old or "stale" women at this time. Welcome to Trump Fish. What is your race? NORMAL BLACK BROWN OTHER We're sorry. Unfortunately, to ensure the safety of our normal patrons, we are unable to accomodate you at this time. Trump Fish has strict quality standards for its patrons. Feel free to search for another catering service run by people of your own kind. Congratulations! As a brown person, you have been pre-approved for a job at Trump Fish at unique, "special" compensatory rate! We will greatly appreciate your labor. Contact donald@trump.fish for further details. NEXT Excellent! We will be happy to serve you, the shining beacons of hope for our society. ENTER

Welcome to Trump Fish. Trump Fish is the United States of America's premiere seafood cooking and catering service. We pride ourselves in serving only the whitest, freshest, youngest, sexiest fish to our VIP patrons. Whether it's a premium smoked salmon dinner on your private jet, or just a plain fried fish sandwich on your private jet, Trump Fish provides the purest, whitest freshly caught fish available through the most creative labor techniques. "We're building a beautiful white fish empire, and making someone else pay for it!" — Donald Trump Proudly Whites-Only since 1923 We are proud to be a whites-only establishment—that is, we only serve white fish whose pure, untarnished lineage has not been tainted by cross-breeding with colored fish meat. Our commitment to the "Whites Only" mantra stretches back through all of Donald Trump's business ventures. We have always taken pride in our pure bloodlines and strict quality guidelines for our patronage.



About our tremendous fish At Trump Fish, we serve only the very best, purest, whitest fish America has to offer. We have the most tremendous fish, believe me, absolutely tremendous. You have never seen anything like this, believe me. People come up to me and they say "Donald, I've never seen fish this big before," and these people, let me tell you, I know the best people, and these people say, let me tell you, they are just the best, the best people, the best fish, believe me. What can I say, I'm the greatest at fish. Absolutely huge, tremendous, let me tell you, magnificent fish, the best fish you've ever seen, believe me. Solid tens We rate each fish objectively on a scale of one to ten, so we know we are serving you only the purest, youngest, most beautiful fish, a solid ten, each one of them. If there were a fish beauty pagent for sexy little fishes, each one would be a winner. There is nothing like a fish that's a perfect ten and is malleable enough to let us do anything we want with it. If they weren't my fish, perhaps I'd be dating them. Whites Only That's right—we only serve the very whitest of fish to our valued customers. We call this our "Whites Only" process: We strictly check the heritage of each fish we serve to make sure their ancestors are at least four generations pure-bred white fish. Any "mutt" fish suspected to have non-white fish in their immediate lineage is immediately rejected. This is why the inscription in our kitchen proudly reads "WHITES ONLY - NO MUTTS"!



Now, I don't know about the poors, or the , but I like to eat good fish. And whenever I go to any restaurant, the fish they have is absolutely terrible, let me tell you. When they send me their fish, they're not sending their best. They're sending their impure breeds, their garbage, or fish that are blackened to a crisp. I hate the black ones. Some, I'm sure, are good fish. Donald J. Trump@RealDonaldTrump I decided to start my own fish catering service, with only a small loan of a million dollars, and it has skyrocketed in popularity, you wouldn't believe it. All the other fish companies are losers and haters. Donald J. Trump@RealDonaldTrump Nobody knows fish like me, believe me, we have the best fish, the most tremendous fish. People come up to me and they say, and I mean the best people, I know the best people, they come up to me, and they tell me that my fish—and we have the best fish, let me tell you—like no other fish, believe me, and I know fish, believe me, and they tell me "Donald, your fish—" and trust me, I know these people, many of these people, they come up to me, and they're just the most tremendous people, the very best, absolutely huge, tremendous, and they say, "Donald, you are the best at what you do, please come visit me in my changing room later," and I have to say, these people, absolutely the best, absolutely tremendous, you wouldn't believe it. Donald J. Trump@RealDonaldTrump

Catering services Trump Fish provides the most exquisitely tailored catering service of any caterers you've ever known. People come up to us and they say, Trump Fish, you are the absolute best, believe me, even some of our competitors, they say, and this is true, believe me, you are, and I know some of the biggest and best fish in the world, perfect tens, believe me. We hold our guests to the strictest industry regulations, and as such, we reserve the God-given right to deny service to millennials, hippies, women over 30, gays, blacks, spics, japs, poors, or any other inferior class of people that may cause our staff to feel uncomfortable or frightened. Sexual Conduct Disclaimer By engaging in Trump Fish catering services, you agree that we are not to be held accountable for any incidents of sexual assault, misconduct, grabbing, groping, touching, caressing, or other displays of sexual prowess that may occur during the course of rendering our services. The catering staff of Trump Fish is absolutely tremendous and huge and very very famous, and therefore reserves the right to grab any guest by any body part at any time, provided it seems like the guest was asking for it, which they were, believe me. The rate of sexual misconduct that occurs at our events is naturally higher than average due to our policy of primarily catering to young, straight, attractive white women. Due to the immense wealth and power of Mr. Trump and his associates, groping should be considered a great honor rather than an incident of misconduct. If you still maintain that you did not feel honored by a grabbing or groping by Mr. Trump or his associates, chances are you're probably just a fat unattractive pig anyway. Who would want to grab you? Oink oink. Fuck you.

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