District 7 TNDP Executive Committee member Bill Owen presented this list of "Top Ten Stacey Campfield bills next year should he be reelected" at the monthly meeting of the Knox Co. Democratic Party Board of Governors.

Top Ten Stacey Campfield bills next year if he gets reelected

1. Guns in churches. No organized religion can prevent members from exercising their Sacred Right to Bear Arms. An amendment also allows guns in the parking lot at the permit holder's discretion. Permit holders are required to carry when attending services at snake handler congregations.

2. UT speakers must be approved in advance by the Senate Education Committee.

3. Participants in UT Sex Week have to wear a Mexican wrestler mask.

4. A bill to forbid Knoxville restaurant from discriminating against red-headed Senators.

5. Biology classes at UT must present all points of view, including creation versus evolution, and to teach that AIDS is caused by screwing monkeys. An amendment says UT fraternities cannot keep monkeys as pets.

6. Anyone on public assistance can be drug tested or frisked at any time and they must sign an oath swearing they have never had sex with a monkey.

7. The old law, still on the books, that allows a citation for anyone swearing in public is amended to include "Obamacare" on the list of curse words.

8. Anyone wishing to vote in a Democratic primary must present three forms of ID, pass a literacy test, and pay a poll tax of $50. (Adapted from a 1954 Mississippi ordinance.)

9. English majors at UT cannot be penalized for misspellings or poor grammar if they write for a conservative blog.

10. The UT Daily Beacon has to carry a column by Charles Krauthammer or Thomas Sowell or lose its postal permit.