Season 10, Episode 3

On your knees, fashion slaves, and crawl before me back down into our painted dungeon, where, I promise, last week’s lingering pain will at last give way to a fair measure of pleasure. Further reading implies consent. (The safe word is “Vanjie.”)

Presumably feeling defensive about her clearly unearned mini- and maxi-challenge victories of last week, The Vixen opened the episode with a bad offense, yowling, “I didn’t get here on accident!” and crediting herself with the winning performances of her teammates. Monique Heart, who lent The Vixen the wig that completed her “Best Drag” look, was, like many of our nation’s citizens, tired of simply being safe, and wailed that she was not winning enough.

Ru the dungeon master descended into the Rajneeshee-toned oubliette to collar the girls into this week’s mini-challenge: a screen test for a commercial for his charitable chocolate bars. The girls were given 20 minutes to get into “fresh off the bus” drag, then taken in hand to a wood-paneled amateur porn set, where they were thrust into a humiliation scene in which they were commanded to get on all fours, bark and dance for Mama. (The physically stunning self-described “triple threat” Blair St. Clair managed to squeeze out a respectable time step, raising her previously pitiful score to Looks: Ten, Dance: Three.) They all dug right down to the souls of their bottoms, and Blair, the consistently hilarious Monét X Change, and, at last, Monique were declared the tops.

The queens were then contracted to the maxi-challenge: to write and perform commercials for dating apps geared toward “lonely, underserved consumers.” These included “End of Days,” for doomsday preppers; “Madam Buttrface,” for those looking only for a hot body; and “Fibstr,” for pathological liars — all of which I would love to see Kickstartered, so as to prevent those of us swiping our way through extant apps from wasting any more time unwittingly serving these consumers.