The ice-themed water park is based on the story of a clan of penguins who lose their 'Arctic' home and settle in the waters of the Arabian Gulf

"Palm, meet forehead" moments are, sadly, all too frequent when covering environmental stories as a journalist, but this particular story is more on the level of "forehead, meet brickwall".

Tomorrow evening, the doors will open – after a 28-month delay – at the Middle East's largest theme park. Ice Land Water Park is the United Arab Emirates' latest attempt to bolster its "tourist product" – a $100m "ice-themed" water park, located an hour's drive from Dubai in the less prominent emirate of Ras al-Khaimah (RAK).

The park will offer its anticipated 10,000 daily visitors the world's largest man-made waterfall called Penguin Falls, with 100,000 gallons of water cascading down the 120ft feature every minute. Here's how the Gulf News describes the rest of the park's attractions:

Penguin Bay, an interactive water play area, is the largest "rain dance pool" in the world measuring 30,000 square feet and offering shaded discos, open discos, rain showers and the "Rock Hoppers' Den" – a fully equipped stage with excellent acoustics and theatre lighting to create pulsating performances. Rain dances and on-the-spot contests are to be a regular feature of the Penguin Bay.

Other novel attractions of Ice Land water park include the Aqua Games, a regular-sized soccer field with soft turf, shallow water and rain showers to offer a unique soccer experience; the Coral Reef, which offers real-life snorkelling in a man-made coral reef complete with live fish; and the Tundra Baths, forerunners of the modern-day spas and jacuzzis that possess the therapeutic powers of hydro massage.

There is also the kids' cove, a dedicated play area for the toddlers. It includes shallow waters, miniature slides and a sand pit; and the slide zone with 24 water slides emerging from five towers from heights of up to 110 feet, giving visitors a majestic view and a unique experience as they slide down heavily themed snow-clad mountains and mountain streams.

None of this is particularly exceptional, I grant you. Dubai, RAK's far brasher sibling, has been playing the "world's largest/biggest/tallest" game for over a decade now. Onlookers have, frankly, grown a little weary of such claims. What sets this theme park apart, though, is the sheer audacity of its theme. Here's the Gulf News again:

The ice-themed water park has been designed around the theme of global warming, and tells a story about how penguins find a new home in the coastal waters of the Arabian Gulf.

Yes, that's right: the country with the one of the world's highest carbon footprints per person, which has got rich, in part, through the region's fossil-fuel bonanza, has built a tourist attraction that takes the world's most pressing environmental problem and turns it into a plaything.

You might want to take this opportunity to recalibrate your irony detector as Mangalorean.com has more details:

While addressing a battery of journalists at the venue during the [press] launch, Balwant Singh, managing director and CEO of the Polo RAK JV, and, Santokh Singh Chawla Jt, managing director, Polo RAK Amusements LLC, said that though the penguins [in the park] are artificial structures, it goes along with the story that during the effect of global warming, a clan of penguins lost their home in the Arctic, drifted along the oceans and found a new home along the coast of Jazeera al Hamra, in Ras al Khaimah.

"So Ice Land is all about setting up a new homeland for the penguins. The overall theme depicts the Arctic life and revolves around the artificial snow mountains and the 'penguins'. The Ice Land leverages the amazing occurrence of snowfall on the Hajar Mountains and the phenomena of global warming to formulate a story line for Ice Land. The theme draws inspiration from the concern of global warming," the two brothers explain.

The project includes 4MW power generation, a water desalination plant capable of producing 525,000 gallons a day and water filtration systems to maintain the 4m gallons of pool water, to ensure uninterrupted enjoyment to the visitors. The facility has also been designed to be eco-friendly as it is equipped with two water-recycling plants that will recycle water to be used for horticulture purposes.

Got your breath back yet? Don't tell me you didn't know that penguins live in the Arctic? Personally, I'm still struggling to think of a more inappropriate use of the term "eco-friendly".

The lack of any detectable signs of self-awareness continues on the theme park's website. In a section describing all the various attractions, we find a zone called "Coral Isle":

Cold water corals unknown for centuries emerge as a secret of Ice Land Water Park. Global warming has seen a change in sea temperatures leading to coral bleaching … Their survival at Ice Land [is] a blessing of nature.

A blessing of nature?! Not quite the view of everyone in the emirate, according to the National, a UAE daily:

The location of a wintry water park in a hot emirate that suffers from power and water shortages may seem odd. However, the park will be supplied by its own generator and have water pumped to it from a desalination plant.

Even so, the RAK public has had a mixed reaction. Residents of Jazirat al Hamra, the coastal village directly beside the development, said the loss of the public beach hurt their fishing industry.

Some people mourned the loss of a popular location once populated by ghost crabs and the occasional stray camel.

Others were optimistic.

"It will be very good for RAK," said Aaesha Khamis, the head of promotion for RAK Tourism and a resident of the area.

Arguably, the most disturbing aspect of this theme park is that it promises to be just the beginning. According to initial reports when Ice Land was first announced back in 2007, it is to be the first instalment of a "Planet Earth theme park":

The Planet Earth theme park will feature five themed zones, each representing an Earth element and comprised of one anchor attraction and three to four family/thrill rides. All the zones and the attractions within them are designed to offer relief from Ras al Khaimah's inherent heat, via the use of water, snow, ice and greenery.

The Mountains [since renamed Ice Land] will offer a rafting experience and additional attractions like ice slides and a snow play area. Themed around the seas, The Oceanic will be anchored by a water chute ride through an aquarium. The Dessert would add a little local flavour to the park with its sand finishes and dessert flora. The main ride here will be a 700-metre-long wooden rollercoaster, the first of its kind in the region. As well as the amusement rides there will also be dessert karting, camel rides and Arabic cuisine. Inside The Jungle, guests will be able to an interactive safari ride featuring rare animal species, as well as a hedge maze. Completing planet Earth, paradoxically, will be The Space, creating an astronomical experience featuring an intergalactic indoor rollercoaster and a 3D theatre.

[The] retail offering will be anchored by the Mall of Ras al Khaimah, a 12,000-square-metre shopping and entertainment plaza themed around a rail journey. The mall will also serve as a gateway to the both the water park and theme park.

Now where's that brickwall? I need to introduce it to my forehead.