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For true conservative believers, the lesson will be that Scheer wasn’t forceful enough. For anti-Trudeau fanatics, it will be that he didn’t go for the jugular when the Prime Minister was down on the canvas amid the SNC-Lavalin and blackface scandals. For their part, progressive cultural warriors need to jam Darth Vader’s homophobic helmet down on Scheer’s head before his leadership dies peacefully in Luke’s arms — even if the thing really won’t squeeze past his ears.

Would Scheer lower spending and taxes? Yes, but that’s boring — even if it would affect millions of Canadians in important ways

As in an action movie, the sense of purpose that animates social-media activists finds nourishment in the premise that the good guys are facing off against an enemy of almost indescribable malevolence, with the fate of society resting in the balance. Would Scheer lower spending and taxes? Yes, but that’s boring — even if it would affect millions of Canadians in important ways. It’s far more exciting to hum The Imperial March while you Tweet about Scheer’s (entirely non-existent) plans to commit half the Canadian population to the status of brood sows. And since the mainstream media now crowdsources its postures on these same Twitter channels, the networks have gone all in with the gay-marriage-at-risk narrative as well.

And why not? It’s easy. Look, even I’m doing it.

To be fair, the left’s gay-marriage jihad against Scheer isn’t entirely out of keeping with Canadian political discourse more generally, which often tends to be a stitched-together tissue of lurid reveries — from the absurd claim that western provinces are at threat of separation, to the notion that Faith Goldy’s shadow army of Incel yellow-vested white-supremacist Tusken Raiders will soon seize control of our major cities. Unfortunately, these manias create their own political oxygen, and there isn’t much the Conservatives can do about it — except make sure their next leader comes to the job with a rainbow sticker on the back of his helmet.