The FBI stopped by and asked a few questions for a background check as part of your citizenship process. I am glad you are finally taking the plunge. I informed him you are an excellent worker and an all around conscientious human being. All in all a great future American! Oh- and the laughs I had with the FBI. When asked about any outside activities I answered, "Well- there's Al Qaida". I laughed and laughed. The FBI guy still looked serious, but I know he was cracking up inside.

Back in the old Illinois Leader days, I wrote an article on good vs. evil. This article grew out of a conversation I had with a Scandinavian co-worker of mine, who I called Sven. Today, I present some emails sent between Sven and I. The correspondence takes place during a trip Sven recently took.

-----Original Message-----

From: Sven

Sent: Friday, June 09, 2007

To: George Dienhart

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

George,

Thanks so much for the good word with the Federal Government. I can't wait to start my new life as an American!

The FBI also came and saw me. I think they are rewarding me, because of your wonderful reference. We are flying south; I bet they are sending me to Cozumel for a wonderful vacation. Thanks! I really owe you for this.

Sven

-----Original Message-----

From: George Dienhart

Sent: Friday, June 10, 2007

To: Sven

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

Sven,

Ahh, I did some checking. Did your tour director say Cozumel, or Guantanamo?

George

-----Original Message-----

From: Sven

Sent: Friday, June 11, 2007

To: George Dienhart

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

Come to think of it, he did mention something about torture... I thought he was referring to the beer. Could there be more to this? I better get in touch with the Norwegian consulate... Darn!, no cellphone coverage overseas... Well, I guess I'll have to rely on you then, my friend. Will you get in touch with the Norwegian King for me and let him know I need a favor???

Buddy? Hello?

-----Original Message-----

From: George Dienhart

Sent: Friday, June 18, 2007

To: Sven

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

Sorry this took a week, but I needed a haircut, and then I found a wonderful new restaurant that I took the family to. Boy, did we laugh about this little mix up, over dinner. Then I just, kinda of forgot. But I did get a 5-minute slot on the phone with the king- I'll let you know how that goes.

-----Original Message-----

From: Sven

Sent: Friday, June 11, 2007

To: George Dienhart

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

George,

Please hurry- the accommodations here are sparse, and my fellow vacationers speak neither Norwegian nor English. I feel quite alone. Oh, and the staff at the resort seems a bit on edge...

-----Original Message-----

From: George Dienhart

Sent: Friday, June 18, 2007

To: Sven

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

I tried my best, but my Norwegian is not good. I thought I was saying "My Liege, Sven needs your immediate assistance!" But it actually translated to "Hey Dummy- Sven renounces both you and Norway!" Boy was he mad!

George

-----Original Message-----

From: Sven

Sent: Friday, June 19, 2007

To: George Dienhart

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

You know, I don't think that is going to help. But I'm fine. I just got an email from a Barrister in Nigeria. He let me know a distant relative has just left me millions of dollars, so I'll just bribe myself out of prison.

Ha! Bet you're envious now!

Sven

-----Original Message-----

From: George Dienhart

Sent: Friday, June 20, 2007

To: Sven

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

No worries- since I got you to sign that power of attorney when we worked together, I have added the Barrister to all your bank accounts, the title on your car, and also your house. As always I have your best interests at heart.

Btw, I just tried calling the barrister to resolve your Cuban vacation. His number is disconnected. Very strange...

Hows Cuba?

-----Original Message-----

From: Sven

Sent: Friday, June 21, 2007

To: George Dienhart

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

Cuba is rather muggy right now... But they have free

Health care!!

-----Original Message-----

From: George Dienhart

Sent: Friday, June 22, 2007

To: Sven

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

Sven,

Muggy, huh? I heard about a local activity down there, which sounds like it might cool you off some. Ask the resort director if you can ride the water board. I think that might help

-----Original Message-----

From: Sven

Sent: Friday, July 19, 2007

To: George Dienhart

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

George,

It has been an eventful month. I asked to ride the water board, and most of memories stop there. I'm not sure why, but the concierge took away my shoes and gave me slippers- I am glad that they are trying to make me comfortable, but this place could use air conditioning.

Sven

-----Original Message-----

From: George Dienhart

Sent: Friday, July 22, 2007

To: Sven

Subject: RE: Congrats, future American!

Sven,

Good to hear the accommodations are a little better. I have talked to Norwegian embassy, but they currently deny you exist. I have an appointment with some one at homeland security. They said that due to your cooperation on the water board, you will soon be able to leave Guantanamo. They have promised to move you closer to Norway! Somewhere in Eastern Europe I believe.

A note to readers. Please bear in mind that this is a parody. While I am rarely pro torture concerning innocent Norwegians, I am pro do whatever you have to get the bad guys to talk. Especially if American lives are at stake. Put me down as a pro Guantanamo and Pro water board pundit, albeit with a slightly twisted sense of humor...