Hey all,

Chances are if you are reading this then you clicked on a link posted by me to bring you here, and whether it was by curiosity or caring or

whatever, I'd like to thank you for coming. What you are about to read is just a bunch of emotional jumble about me, just in order to get

my feelings out and to get some advice on how to cope. I guess without further ado, let's get on with this show.

Basically I've been having immense doubts about my music recently. In the last week I've started up 10 different projects and haven't gotten

past 3 tracks on any of them. They are all attempts at original ambient vaporwave, and all of them sound pretty much exactly the same. My

issue is that I don't think that I'm cut out to make music anymore. When I was young, I used to want to be a race car driver, as most kids did.

I loved the feeling of speed and control you got by driving a vehicle, and the raw emotion that came from it. Because of this, I used to go

karting every weekend. After that stopped, and I took up video games, I wanted to be a video game designer. The idea of creating something that

I loved to do anyways and doing that as a job sounded so appealing to me. After I figured out I can't design for my life, I took up vaporwave.

I loved how easy it was to make, and I loved the community surrounding it. But, like everything else I've tried doing, vaporwave is starting

to fade for me.

The once welcoming community is now one that shuns outsiders, discarding anyone willing to make a first attempt. The once supportive nature of

the community is now one where insults are constantly being thrown around, leading to me waking up dreading to find out who has called who an

idiot who doesn't know what vaporwave is. The once easy and laid back nature of the fans is now one where if it isn't HKE levels of quality, it's

out.

This might just be me, and I completely understand that. However that doesn't change what I think, regardless of if I am supported in my beliefs

or not. I also understand that I might be exaggerating some of my points, but that's just for the sake of explaining it easier without having to

use examples.

Vaporwave is almost like a high school; you have insults, people not willing to do their work, people who absolutely smash it out of the ball park,

we have the popular kids, and all the rest of the other groups and cliques. In vaporwave's case, we have people who belittle other people's work,

people who aren't willing to put any effort into making music, people who put so much effort in that I wonder how much spare time they have, we

have the popular kids (Dream Catalogue) and all the other cliques and groups (CDR and other smaller labels). However there is a group that I left

out, and that's all the outsiders.

What I'm about to say is my personal perception of MY current situation. I understand what I'm about to say may or may not be true, and that my

perception may be skewed, but this is still what I think regardless. My possibly incorrect perception is why I came to write this up to the community.

Here it is: I personally feel like an excluded outsider.

Now here comes the bit that people are probably going to call me an attention seeker for, but for the sake of fixing this and sparking conversation, please

try and see from my view: I see all these other people getting all this attention, and making all these friends in vaporwave, and I'm sitting here,

barely scraping by, maybe catching onto the coat-tails of a popular artist for a few tweets, and then being dropped off back into my own private

isolated area. Now please let me explain.

The reason I want attention is not for the fame or the fortune. Being famous means nothing to me and just seems like a hassle, and there is barely any

fortune involved in vaporwave. The reason I want attention is because I want to make friends with people. Here's where it gets personal; I grew up not

having many friends. I've never been completely alone, but I've never been able to hold more than 3 or 4 friends in total at a time. So when I come to

vaporwave and see all these people making friends and connections, I get this kind of jealousy and envy that I don't feel anywhere else.

I'll just end it there. I hope this was semi-coherent and relatively understandable. Once again, regardless of whether this is the actual situation or

not, these are my feelings. I just want advice on what to do, how to handle this, and whether I'm incorrect or not. I trust you all to be respectful,

regardless of what has been said in the past. I know what I said about the community earlier, but I'm looking to turn that around for me personally.

This is my shot in the dark to you all.

Thank you all,