Would you ever consider a lying murderous adulterer someone who would be classified as a ‘man after God’s own heart’?

It’s hard to believe that the man who penned the words…

“One thing have I asked of the LORD,

that will I seek after:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD

and to inquire in his temple.”

(Psalm 27:4 ESV)

Would later be the one writing:

“Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,

O God of my salvation…”

(Psalm 51:14 ESV)

How is that possible?

How did a man of such devotion and love for the Lord end up committing the most contemptible crimes imaginable?

Where Sin Abounded

To quote Relient K in ‘Be My Escape‘…”The beauty of grace is that it makes life unfair.”

When everything natural inside of us screams ‘impossible!’, God’s rich grace found in the cross of Christ provides ground for forgiveness.

The beauty and mind-blowing nature of grace says that even the chief of sinners can be saved (1 Timothy 3:15), and where sin increases, grace will abound all the more (Romans 5:20).

Now of course this doesn’t give us the liberty to just sin as we please, as Romans 6 makes it clear that we are now dead to sin.

But although we are dead to sin — not continuing in sin and abusing God’s grace — we still have a war on our hands…a war with the flesh that will never end as long as we inhabit this body of sin.

Paul makes this struggle clear in multiple letters:

“So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.” (Romans 7:21 ESV)

“For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” (Galatians 5:17 ESV)

And even though you may believe your sins were paid for in full when Christ gave himself for you on that cross, the reality is that for many young Christian men the endless struggle against the lusts of the flesh (porn addiction included) is far too real.

My First Exposure

I was roughly 12-years-old when I first became aware of ‘sexual temptation.’

I distinctly remember when I began to notice the scantily clad women in my surrounding media, even in what were supposed to be the most harmless of magazines and publications. Like most young boys, with my curiosity it did not take long for me to discover porn from that point. I had accessible (dial-up) internet and a few evenings of privacy that allowed me to really delve deeper into what was so enticing and destructive.

At that age I couldn’t understand fully the damage that was happening; all I could really understand was that watching porn was more intense and fulfilling than a lingerie or swimsuit catalogue. While the addiction wasn’t severe or immediate, that early exposure served as fuel to a much more powerful addiction in my late teens and early twenties.

Addiction Escalates

When I reached early adulthood, I established a certain idea of what sexuality was. This understanding came from my experiences of watching porn contrasted with what I was taught in my local church. I knew what I was doing was bad, but I just couldn’t seem to stop myself.

I would watch porn for its enticing nature and for the level of stimulation it offered and then feel awful because I knew that I wasn’t living a life God had set out for me. A cycle of action formed: I would pray and read verses about purity to stave off cravings, it would last for a little while, then I would relapse and binge watch. Without fail, I would always find my way back to porn and it killed me.

Frustration Ensues

“Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions.” (Romans 6:12 ESV)

At this point, I had started to try anything to just be able to stop. I read, listened and tried practically everything. I read every young man’s battle, went through recovery training courses and programs, listened to so many sermons on purity, sexual immorality and pornography, tried the weird breathing and mind exercises, tried getting out more, installed the porn blockers on my computer and iPhone and had accountability partners.

But no matter what I bought, listened to and read, everything seemed to say the same thing when it came to porn addiction:

“Read and pray more, tell your pastor or a friend, install the latest porn blocker on your computer, get away from the internet, try harder, count the days, keep the computer in the living room…”

But no matter what I tried, none of those things seemed to work.

I remember one afternoon driving along the highway, pounding the steering wheel and screaming out to the Lord, with tears streaming down my face, asking Him to take this away from me. I was so tired and ashamed because I had just relapsed again that day, and I was left without any idea what to do about it.

I knew that a relationship wouldn’t change anything, and the last thing I wanted to do was be married to a beautiful godly woman and still be addicted to porn.

What I needed was something that I could do right then and there that would drastically change my predisposition.

Answers To Prayer

Unfortunately, that prayer didn’t get answered for over a year and a half later, but since then I’ve never been happier. To not have the guilt and bonds of porn gripping my mind and my heart and being able to freely be on the internet and not have anxiety over my actions. Having complete control of myself and my life.

After struggling endlessly with porn and usually losing to it more often than not, finally overcoming it was incredible. I don’t remember being able to go without porn and masturbation for more than 3-4 days, and now I don’t even remember the last time I looked at porn.

I don’t have a porn filter on my computer anymore, I don’t worry about staying on the computer late at night, and I’m able to read and be fruitful for God with a clear conscience.

It’s Worth It

To not have the guilt and shackles of porn gripping your mind and your heart, to not objectify women walking down the street or feeling so perverted any time a cute girl’s picture pops up on your facebook news feed is something worth fighting for.

I’m not sure if I was just in the right frame of mind or had the right amount of determination or a good reason to quit, but the number one thing that helped me overcoming this addiction was a plan.

Something that told me what to do and when.

Knowing the first step to take, and then what to do after that — how to properly handle cravings and what I needed to do if I thought I was relapsing.

The Next Step

“…that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor”

(1 Thessalonians 4:4 ESV)

If you want the battleplan that I used to help overcome my addiction, it’s 100% free, just click here.

As unfortunate as it is, the struggle with porn addiction even among ‘true Christians’ is far too real. If you’re desperately trying to live a life of purity but can’t seem to shake of the shackles that hold you, don’t let porn keep taking you down it’s destructive path.