I’m Callie C. This is StarWatch. But who cares?!? The only thing that matters to me and probably you too as soon as I tell you, is this juicy junket that is literally just this minute burning off the comms. You’re hearing it here first, watchers: Bo Lynn and Julie Marks as of 15:03 SET have had their baby! Congrats to the happy family!

This is my slam, people. This must be what it would feel like if I had a baby of my own. Like all of you, I have been following this pregnancy closely for what has seemed like forever, but was probably closer to nine months. The highs! The lows! The drama! That slip on the ice patch at the New York Lantern Ball, that whole drell juice incident and who is ever going to forget those weird stretch fur jodhpurs. Seriously. Remember those?

Well, put all of that behind you, because the ride is finally over, folks, and the ’verse is now the proud recipient of a brand new Baby BoJu. Tips are still flooding in about this bouncing bundle of joy, no pictures yet, but word is that she’s healthy, already on her way to signing a modeling contract, and that they have decided to go with the name Rosé … or Salute … or even Talliwager. Come on you tipsters, make up your minds! If you’re just going to send in random names, why not go with the prettiest name ever created and say the lucky babe is going to be called Callie. Which, I might add, is a suggestion I’ve already taken the liberty to comm directly to the new parents themselves.

For those of you who are frantically doing the math out there from today’s date, yes, nine months ago was when Julie was on tour with Voice On High and Bo was on the other side of the Empire filming Death First. Now this may appear at first to lend some credence to all those rumors that were flying around about Julie having a torrid affair with Niko during the tour. Especially when it seemed like Niko forgot how to play ‘Linger Longer,’ a song V.O.H has been performing for 5 years, simply because Julie came on stage to sing with them. The excuses of “having a late night” didn’t do anything to help dodge that flaming ball of awkward.

But as exciting as it is to speculate whether the baby is going to have Niko’s hazel eyes or Bo’s blue, I think that it’s vital that we celeb devotees, or celebotees — Oooo. I like that. Winnie, make a note to make some celebotee tees — So, like I was saying, we celebotees, t-shirts pending, have to make sure that as much as we want to get the scoop that we respect some boundaries. Since the announce I have been seeing the calls for people to acquire DNA scans of the newborn to confirm the rumors one way or another, and this is not cool. I want to ask everyone out there to please, please not do that. There are limits. This is a baby.

Speaking of, let’s move on from the birth of a Human to the birth of possibly a new fashion trend. Without any more ado, Nisco Hobbins! Get your well-dressed butt out here. I am pleased as always to welcome our resident fashion expert back to the show.

Nisco Hobbins: And as always, Calcee, you are lucky to have me.

I love it when you pull the claws out! Let’s start with the usual, Nisco, please put me out of my misery and tell me who you are wearing. It is absolutely crystal. And why do I feel like I want to salute you?

Nisco Hobbins: That would be my new jacket, Calcee. It is the center objet d’art from Derion’s new Gambit collection. Its faceted angles and contoured lines are meant to be reminiscent of a Naval war fleet in flight. Believe it or not, but all the materials are sourced from actual battle sites.

What?!?

Nisco Hobbins: Seriously. The spun-metal is completely made from spent cartridges and all the accent beading is made from real rubble. To have history turned into fashion like this is just groundbreaking.

Stunning. A statement piece in so many ways.

Nisco Hobbins: Show support and all that.

Totally. Now, Nisco, when I got the comm about you coming by, I read the words but my mind couldn’t comprehend them. You’re here to talk about Casaba Outlet?

Nisco Hobbins: Totally.

Did you hear that? That was the sound of a billion StarWatchers suddenly spitting out their drinks all at once. Pray tell, my dear Nisco, why are we talking about Casaba Outlet? It’s not for their latest two-for-one deal, is it?

Nisco Hobbins: I know. I know. Casaba Outlet. Regular clothes for regular people or whatever. Great for not being naked, not much use for anything else. But it seems they want to change that ’cause they’re taking a real stab at making themselves relevant in the world of fashion in sort of an interesting way. It’s all part of their new “Our Clothes, Your Look” campaign.

Okay. Spill.

Nisco Hobbins: A lot of times these companies try to hire a fashion designer to do a special line and you just end up with watered down blah that your grandmother gives to you as a gift on Citizen Day.

I still remember when Olsen Hendrick did that line of “everyday” dresses for Looks4Life. On what day would you ever wear any of those?

Nisco Hobbins: Definitely up there on 30th century tragedies. That’s why I was quite pleased to hear Casaba has gone a completely different route and hired celebrity stylists to start taking pieces from their normal selection of CityLights, Escar Limited, DMC, whatever, and using those to create looks worthy of wearing. They’ve got people like Den Linton who does styling for Asper Renon, Sash Aberdeen, Opal Nill, and Irkma Punjamal who has dressed everyone from your Bo Lynn to every member of Local Diction.

And they just take stuff off the rack? Like regular pants or whatever?

Nisco Hobbins: Exacts. Like a CityLights Rhodes jacket paired with some 78 pants from Escar. Normally a yawn, but it is kinda amazing what these clothes can become in the hands of a professional. Head to toe, they feel completely different. Accessories, how they hang, the hair. All of it comes together to create something pretty brill. The best part is that all the details are right there on the spec, so you can create it for yourself. I, for one, am actually thinking about hopping a shuttle and seeing what I can put together myself. The challenge of it is almost half the fun.

It’ll be quite the coup for Casaba if they can start drawing in the likes of Nisco Hobbins. Count me in.

All right, watchers. We need to take a quick pause and reset. Nisco, stay right there. All of you stay right there. StarWatch will be back in a flash.