WASHINGTON—Watching as the president of the United States checked each of his pockets in search of enough change to keep playing, customers at a D.C. convenience store were reportedly saddened Friday to see Donald Trump frantically doing scratch-off tickets right there on the counter. “A lot of hard-up folks come in for the lotto, but this guy’s here at least a couple times a day—whenever he can scrape together the cash for another ticket, I guess,” said store clerk Draymond Finch, who looked on as the commander in chief ineffectually clawed at a scratch-off with a dirty fingernail before handing it back and asking Finch to tell him if he had won or not. “One time, I saw him win $8, and he was absolutely over the moon. Then he immediately spent his winnings on more tickets, all of which came up short. Honestly, this guy needs to pull himself together. Pretty soon, he’ll start asking my customers if they can spare a buck, and then I’ll have to shoo him out of here, just like I do every day.” At press time, sources confirmed President Trump had accused Finch of deliberately selling him losing tickets and was angrily demanding a refund.

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