It’s Wednesday afternoon and I’m just laying on the beach. Beautiful weather, I can hear the waves rolling up to the sand, and I’m laying there totally content. I had secured another client, working from home, feeling as healthy as I had ever felt and I was just proud of all the work that I had put in — To the extent where dad even told me that I was working too hard (which he never says) and urged me to take a break. I remember thinking to myself that this might be as good as it ever gets for me and that I really shouldn’t ask for more.

I still don’t really know why I felt that way but I kind of put a cap on myself. This was all that was possible for me. I remember feeling selfish or unreasonable because I have it pretty good and there are so many unfortunate people that wish they could be in my position. I felt that I had put all my energy into this and this was all I could get, I didn’t have another gear to go to and so I should just be happy with what I got. I focused too much on “material” goals and maybe I should work on doing some good for others. The more I delved into it, the less I felt like I could any more and the less happy I actually felt about what I had already achieved.

I started to tell myself that I didn’t know the first thing about digital marketing. I don’t know why these business owners trusted me to do it for them. Maybe I should just refund them all and apply for a job in finance - what I studied 4 years do. At my peak, I felt like giving it all up. I suddenly felt unhappy, unfulfilled and fraudulent.