WEEN

"Is it alive, does it writhe, can it survive under the sun? I can't put my finger on it!"

Class B

Introduction

ALBUM REVIEWS:

Disclaimer: this page is not written from the point of view of a Ween fanatic and is not generally intended for narrow-perspective Ween fanatics. If you are deeply offended by criticism, non-worshipping approach to your favourite artist, or opinions that do not match your own, do not read any further. If you are not, please consult the guidelines for sending your comments before doing so. For information on reviewing principles, please see the introduction. For specific non-comment-related questions, consult the message board.

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Introduction

Sometimes I catch myself thinking the same silly thought - "why aren't these guys as big as the Beatles?" Then I catch myself giving myself the same silly answer: "Well, you know, after all, when the Beatles came out to greet the world, they greeted it with 'Well she was just seventeen - you know what I mean'. But when Ween came out to greet it, all these stupid nitwits could offer it was 'You fucked up! You bitch - you really fucked up!'" What other reasons would you need, then?"

General Evaluation : Listenability: 4/5 . Ween have written more unforgettable melodies than almost everyone in my recent memory, but one point off for occasional murkiness.

Resonance: 3/5 . 5/5 would be pushing it - but see above on Ween's relations with The Emotional in music.

Originality: 2/5 . Not so much in the actual songs as in the very concept and history of the band (although lots of minor touches are pretty original).

Adequacy: 5/5 . You need to be ambitious to be inadequate, and large, serious ambitions are certainly not a thing I would ever suspect these guys of.

Diversity: 5+/5 . No comment here. Just go listen to the records, dammit!

Overall: 3.8 = B on the rating scale.

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ALBUM REVIEWS

GODWEENSATAN: THE ONENESS

Year Of Release: 1990

9



Overall rating =

Wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so mind-blowing, and vice versa.

Track listing: 1) You Fucked Up ; 2) Tick ; 3) I'm In The Mood To Move ; 4) I Gots A Weasel; 5) Fat Lenny; 6) Cold And Wet; 7) Bumblebee; 8) Bumblebee Part 2; 9) Don't Laugh (I Love You); 10) Never Squeal; 11) Up On The Hill ; 12) Wayne's Pet Youngin' ; 13) Nicole ; 14) Common Bitch; 15) El Camino ; 16) Old Queen Cole; 17) Stacey; 18) Nan; 19) Licking The Palm For Guava; 20) Mushroom Festival In Hell ; 21) L.M.L.Y.P. ; 22) Papa Zit; 23) Hippie Smell; 24) Old Man Thunder; 25) Birthday Boy; 26) Blackjack; 27) Squelch The Weasel; 28) Marble Tulip Juicy Tree; 29) Cloudy Cloud.

In 1990, grunge wasn't around. Not much of it, at least. The world was still dominated by green dragons and frizzed hair. Those with better tastes stayed (relatively) underground and only gave themselves away by not having their hair frizzed. Into this fucked-up world came Ween, and by fucking it up some more, managed to cure some of its problems.

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THE POD

Year Of Release: 1991

9



Overall rating =

One thing's for certain - you don't wanna mess around with the Boognish. There's some real scary shit on here.

Track listing: 1) Strap On That Jammy Pac; 2) Dr Rock ; 3) Frank ; 4) Sorry Charlie; 5) The Stallion (part 1); 6) Pollo Asado; 7) Right To The Ways And The Rules Of The World ; 8) Captain Fantasy ; 9) Demon Sweat; 10) Molly; 11) Can U Taste The Waste ; 12) Don't Sweat It; 13) Awesome Sound; 14) Laura; 15) Boing; 16) Mononucleosis ; 17) Oh My Dear (Falling In Love); 18) Sketches Of Winkle ; 19) Alone; 20) Moving Away; 21) She F***s Me ; 22) Pork Roll Egg And Cheese ; 23) The Stallion (part 3).

Where Ween and Zappa really connect with each other is their reluctance to make completely self-sufficient records. Thus, The Pod is not so much an independent collection of songs as it is the logical (or, rather, illogical - with Ween, you don't always know where one ends and the other begins) continuation of GWS which, in its turn, then flows straight into the basin of Pure Guava, and so on. There's always the Boognish, and there's always Gener and Deener as his faithful prophets, and there's the swearing and profanity, and there are whores and stallions and funny accents and fuzz effects and guava and ever so often, you'll come across pork roll, eggs and cheese. You know you'll get it all, or much of it at least.

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PURE GUAVA

Year Of Release: 1992

7



Overall rating =

Perfunctory. But when it's applied to Ween, you can never be sure about the meaning of that particular word.

Track listing: 1) Little Birdy ; 2) Tender Situation; 3) The Stallion Pt. 3; 4) Big Jilm; 5) Push Th' Little Daisies ; 6) The Goin' Gets Tough From The Getgo; 7) Reggaejunkiejew; 8) I Play It Off Legit; 9) Pumpin' 4 The Man; 10) Sarah; 11) Springtheme ; 12) Flies On My Dick; 13) I Saw Gener Cryin' In His Sleep; 14) Touch My Tooter; 15) Mourning Glory; 16) Loving U Thru It All; 17) Hey Fat Boy (Asshole); 18) Don't Get 2 Close (To My Fantasy) ; 19) Poop Ship Destroyer.

I don't have any documental proof, and won't get any unless I apply for the position of Ween's Official Biographer (and since such a position probably requires the applicant to have close encounters with Scotchguard, I guess it's tough luck for me). But I still feel positively sure, from the pork roll in my head to the eggs and cheese in my toes, that the reason why Pure Guava sounds the way it sounds had something - a lot, in fact - to do with Ween being picked up by Elektra Records. Now the reason they got picked up completely escapes me; maybe somebody saw that one of their songs was called 'Can U Taste The Waste' and thought they were the next Doors or something. (Yes, some people can be that stupid, otherwise, why would bands like Ween exist in the first place?).

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CHOCOLATE AND CHEESE

Year Of Release: 1994

9



Overall rating =

Looks like variety is no longer the spice of life - it's its chocolate and cheese.

Track listing: 1) Take Me Away; 2) Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down); 3) Freedom Of '76 ; 4) I Can't Put My Finger On It ; 5) A Tear For Eddie ; 6) Roses Are Free ; 7) Baby Bitch; 8) Mister Would You Please Help My Pony; 9) Drifter In The Dark; 10) Voodoo Lady ; 11) Joppa Road; 12) Candi ; 13) Buenas Tardes Amigo; 14) The HIV Song; 15) What Deaner Was Talkin' About ; 16) Don't Shit Where You Eat .

Finally transferred to a brand new studio where they can mess up some brand new equipment, the Weeners finally get back to what they used to do best of all - that is, everything at once. Somewhere out there, I see potential battles on the horizon, fought over the issue of what's more diverse - Chocolate And Cheese or GodWeenSatan. Well, running ahead on nothing but pure intuition, I'd say that in pure technical terms, the latter covers more styles, but the big difference between the two is that for C&C, Ween have consciously undergone a crash course in maturation. That's not to say they have gotten "traditionally serious", or that they dropped the dick jokes. That's to say they are crafting actual songs now - songs that can stand on their individual own. As cool as something like 'Can You Taste The Waste' ever was, it only really stood on its two legs in the general context of The Pod. Furthermore, you could never mistake it for 'the real thing' - the tongue was so firmly in cheek you'd be spotting the fleshy bulge a mile away.

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12 GOLDEN COUNTRY GREATS

Year Of Release: 1996

8



Overall rating =

The rating kinda matches the title, but may also be as deceptive as the title. Reader beware.

Track listing: 1) I'm Holding You; 2) Japanese Cowboy; 3) Piss Up A Rope ; 4) I Don't Wanna Leave You On The Farm ; 5) Pretty Girl; 6) Powder Blue; 7) Mister Richard Smoker ; 8) Help Me Scrape The Mucus Off My Brain; 9) You Were The Fool; 10) Fluffy.

If somebody came up to me in mid-1996 and asked, 'if Ween were to select just one musical genre for an entire album, what genre would that be?', I wouldn't know what to answer because I'd never heard any Ween at the time. (Which is a good thing - in 1996, I would probably have hated the band's guts and then some). If somebody came up to me today and asked the same question without my knowing the answer, though, I'd probably say something like "Melanesian polka with mushrooms"...

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THE MOLLUSK

Year Of Release: 1997

10



Overall rating =

As deep and, uh, green as the front cover suggests.

Track listing: 1) I'm Dancing In The Show Tonite; 2) The Mollusk ; 3) Polka Dot Tail ; 4) I'll Be Your Johnny On The Spot; 5) Mutilated Lips ; 6) The Blarney Stone ; 7) It's Gonna Be (Alright) ; 8) The Golden Eel; 9) Cold Blows The Wind ; 10) Pink Eye (On My Leg); 11) Waving My Dick In The Wind; 12) Buckingham Green ; 13) Ocean Man ; 14) She Wanted To Leave (Reprise) .

So, affter the country detour (a fabulous one, but a detour nonetheless), it's time to get back to business. The Mollusk is frequently described as the brothers' "prog rock album", but this can give a slightly false perspective on the scope of Ween's sixth studio record, especially if you're like me and have a narrow understanding of prog rock as the kind of classically (or, at the least, jazzily) influenced music played by the likes of ELP, Yes, and Genesis. Not that there aren't any direct references to that kind of sonic wizardry on The Mollusk - there's much - but were this merely a concentrated parody on prog rock masters, there's no way I could call this the band's ultimate masterpiece.

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WHITE PEPPER

Year Of Release: 2000

9



Overall rating =

Maybe "Grow Old With Me" might have been a better title, but I am growing older and it suits me just fine.

Track listing: 1) Exactly Where I'm At ; 2) Flutes Of The Chi ; 3) Even If You Don't ; 4) Bananas And Blow; 5) Stroker Ace; 6) Ice Castles; 7) Back To Basom ; 8) The Grobe; 9) Pandy Fackler; 10) Stay Forever ; 11) Falling Out; 12) She's Your Baby.

God I thought I was the only one but looks like the Pitchforkmedia reviewer guy beat me to it. But what the heck, I did think of it meself, so here goes: if the title of this album isn't anything other than an obvious superimposition of the names of two of the greatest albums ever recorded, I still won't believe in it, because there are coincidences and then there are impossible coincidences.

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