Valentine’s Day is almost here, and we’re being bombarded by ads from florists and jewelers to convince us to drop some dough on that special someone in our lives.

Personally, I like giving extravagant gifts because it helps my wife forget what a shitty, indifferent spouse I am the other 364 days of the year.

Unfortunately, some unscrupulous companies are trying to ruin a good thing here, and the jewelry company Le Vian is one of them.

They’ve trademarked the term “chocolate diamond” and they’re spending millions on ads trying to convince customers to buy one of these worthless little pieces of shit.

Brown diamonds are the most common type of diamond, and because of their unattractive color, high inclusion content and low sparkle, they’re mostly used in industry to make saw blades, grinders and other abrasive tools.

Increased production and slowing factory orders caused a glut of these ugly brown stones, so Le Vian trademarked the new term to try to create a demand for them, but don’t fall for it.

You’d be better off just buying her a pearl necklace so you can at least giggle every time she puts it on instead of one of these worthless pieces of crap.