Don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen some stupid fucking personal tattoos in my time, but my biggest pet peeve has always been when people get tattoos of brands. You know that asshole at the gym with a Bimmer tattoo on his bicep? Yeah, that’s who I’m talking about. If your identity is so wound up in the particular brand of car you drive that you would be willing to pay to get their symbol permanently branded on your body, you are an uninteresting tool. But here’s a question: what if there was something in it for them? What if you could actually get paid to be a walking billboard? Enter Marc Ecko. The clothing designer is offering a 20% discount for life to anyone who gets his trademark symbol tattooed on their body. You heard me.

Willing saps have two choices, the iconic “Ecko Unltd” rhino logo or the “Cut & Sew” sheers (pictured above). Creative license is allowed, which means liberties can be taken with size, background, and color scheme, but of course, the basic idea has to remain the same. As mentioned, anyone who actually brings themselves to perform such a grand act of stupidity will get 20% off Marc Ecko merchandise for life (or until the world ends in 2012). Just to get an idea of how much this tattoo will save you, their original polo line (and most popular item) retails for $19.50. With the “Branded For Life” discount, that price would be reduced to $15.60. If you don’t think that’s worth it for dropping at least $100 on a tattoo and forfeiting all credibility as an intelligent human being, you’re not alone. Of course there are items like the M1 Watch that goes for $225, which would mean a $45 discount. Have you seen the watch though? It’s ugly.

Okay, so this is probably the dumbest campaign ever run in cl0thing history. That being said, I’m sure Marc Ecko isn’t an idiot. He doesn’t actually believe that any significant number of people are going to get his uncreative Rhino silhouette tattooed on their body. Significant is key. If anything, this is a giant publicity stunt. It will call attention to the brand by getting people’s attention, and getting people like me to write articles skewering it…Fuck, he got me. At the very least, it will get you talking, and that’s how advertising works.

If you are one of the few idiots that actually considered getting the tattoo, I hope you feel extra stupid now. Yeah, I know you wear that stupid Rhino across your chest every day of your life anyway. But as hard as it may be to believe, a point is going to come in your life (sooner than you think) where you are going to realize that big bright colored t-shirts with awkward stripe patterns make you look like a fucking tool. Then one night you’re gonna bring a girl home, pull off your oxford shirt and tie, and there it will be…that stupid Rhino you had permanently branded on your body, in order to save $4 on a fucking polo shirt. What? She’s not impressed? Try showing her the watch…dick.