Warning: Here be series-wide spoilers!

PREVIOUSLY ON SURVIVOR: TOCANTINS…

LET’S GET THIS SHOW STARTED!

After Forza get back from Tribal Council, Coach is really shocked that his biggest ally Debbie had turned on him. Stephen and J.T. play it off as if they were trying to protect him by voting her off.

In a rare occasion, Coach is left speechless by the whole thing. Well, almost…

It’s now Day 34! And Coach is desperately pleading with Stephen and J.T. to not send him to Exile Island this time round, because he’s got asthma which conveniently has only become an issue now.

Stephen immediately calls bullshit on it in his confessional, and thinks the real reason why Coach doesn’t want to go to Exile Island is because he’s afraid of having to fend for himself. J.T. thinks it’s a good idea to try and weaken him before the next Immunity Challenge.

REWARD CHALLENGE!

The castaways have to race through a Survivor-shaped maze with their feet shackled together. They then have to build a long wooden pole by tying together short wooden sticks, which is used to hook a sandbag that swings to knock over three targets. First one to knock all three targets wins an overnight trip to the Governor’s Retreat with a traditional Brazilian barbeque. Exile Island is also at play for the last time.

Off we go…

Of course, this being a race, J.T. is miles ahead of everyone else, because even in shackles he makes The Flash look like a pussy, and has a big head start in assembling his giant hook which he also whizzes through. No-one else stood a chance, really.

J.T. wins reward!

He chooses his bromance partner Stephen to join him, and also sends Coach to Exile Island, much to his chagrin. Coach claims that he’s going to take “the monastic approach” during his stay and not eat, drink or sleep, which Erinn calls bullshit on.

Coach starts listing off a laundry list of ailments he claims to be suffering from right now: asthma, back pain, tennis elbow, gangrene, haemorrhoids, frostbite, polycystic ovary syndrome, the works. He has the measles and the mumps, a gash, a rash and purple bumps. His mouth is wet, his throat is dry, he’s going blind in his right eye…

Back at the Forza camp, the two ladies get to enjoy some time to themselves. Erinn isn’t sure if her mouthing off at Coach was such a good idea, to which Taj responds by saying that she can smell bullshit on him as well. Both of them desperately want him gone.

Over at Exile Island, Coach arrives and spends the whole time there making the usual hilarious warrior poses.

He also carves himself a badass dragon cane.

Meanwhile, Stephen and J.T. are getting flown to their reward in a fancy private plane, and they’re like kids in a sweet shop.

They arrive at the Governor’s Retreat, and upon checking out their accommodation for the night, they get to see their own reflections for the first time in over a month. They’re horrified at what they see.

They immediately take turns in having a well-needed shower, where J.T. makes his best audition tape for the Herbal Essences commercials.

Once refreshed, the boys are treated to their barbeque, which has enough meat to make a carnivore’s dream.

They eventually talk strategy, and they’re fairly pissed at Erinn for mouthing off at Coach earlier, and aren’t sure if they want to vote her off as punishment. What they do know is that they’re taking each other to the final two.

May I briefly digress and mention that the two boys had to share a bed? Why didn’t the editors let us see that? I bet they spooned. I bet Stephen was the spoonee…

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!

The castaways must brace themselves with their arms between two walls while standing barefoot on two pegs. Every 15 minutes, they have to move down to smaller foot pegs. When they reach the third set of pegs, they must try to remain on them as long as they can. Last one standing wins immunity.

Off we go…

Upon descending onto the last set of pegs, Erinn immediately slips off and is first out. Stephen and Taj don’t last much longer. It’s now between J.T. and Coach.

After 20 mins of being on the last set of pegs, Coach’s mental concentration is finally starting to unravel. After a few primal screams of agony, he finally gives up.

J.T. wins immunity!

Immediately afterwards, everyone is running to Coach, who is now crumpled on the floor and milking it for all it’s worth. Don’t worry though, once they get back to camp he’s back up and walking like nothing happened.

At the riverside, J.T. informs Coach that the plan is to get rid of Erinn. Stephen joins in on the conversation, and secretly he’s completely undecided. He’s effectively the swing vote tonight.

TRIBAL COUNCIL!

Once Forza take their seats, Jeff brings up Erinn’s outburst. She reiterates that Coach’s whole woe-is-me act rubbed her the wrong way. Coach responds by blabbing on about his experiences, causing a Mexican Wave of laughs and eyerolls from everyone.

Jeff then asks Erinn and Coach if tonight’s vote will be a surprise. Erinn says yes, Coach says no.

It’s time to v- oh wait, Coach has something else to say. He wants to share a poem with us…

NOW it’s time to vote!

It’s the last time an Idol can be played. None is played. Let’s read the votes! Who’s going to become the fifth member of our jury?

The noble warrior has been defeated in battle. Sadly for us, this season will get a lot less funny now…

See you guys for a two-part finale special! Part 1 will cover the final four and three, while Part 2 will cover the Final Tribal Council and the reunion. Don’t miss out!