TRUMP: I NEVER SAID JAPAN SHOULD HAVE NUKES (HE DID)

TRUMP: I WAS AGAINST THE IRAQ WAR (HE WASN’T)

TRUMP: I LOVE HISPANICS (BUT WANTS TO DEPORT THEM)

TRUMP: HILLARY SHOUTS TOO MUCH (OMG, STOP SHOUTING)

TRUMP: HILLARY LIES (HE LIES MORE BY A FACTOR OF 27)

TRUMP: LYIN’ TED (POT CALLS KETTLE BLACK)

TRUMP: ALL MCCAIN DOES IS TALK, TALK, TALK (REALLY?)

TRUMP: REPORTER IS A SLEAZE (BUT TRUMP WANTS TO DATE HIS OWN DAUGHTER)

TRUMP: I HAVE THE BEST WORDS (AS LONG AS THEY’RE MONOSYLLABIC)

TRUMP: WHO CARES IF THERE’S A TRADE WAR? (BULLSHIT ASYMMETRY PRINCIPLE)

TRUMP: I KNOW MORE ABOUT ISIS THAN THE GENERALS DO (I CAN’T EVEN…)

TRUMP: MY SECRET ISIS PLAN IS ‘FOOLPROOF’ (WHY DID I TAKE THIS JOB?)

TRUMP: TORTURE WORKS (I NOW KNOW FIRST HAND)

TRUMP: I WILL ‘NEGOTIATE’ US DEBT (BLACK HOLE SUN, WON’T YOU COME?)

TRUMP: MILITARY ‘WON’T REFUSE’ WAR CRIME ORDERS (GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD)

TRUMP: I’M ALMOST TOO HONEST TO BE A POLITICIAN (…)

TRUMP: IT IS ‘SMART TO BE SHALLOW’ (OMG, CARL? CARL?)

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