Grayson: I won’t fill the sky with black helicopters

Alan Grayson's back -- and in fine form.

The former Florida Democratic congressman, who is seeking a return to the House from a new Orlando-area seat, responded Thursday to a GOP foe's web video from earlier this week that railed against Grayson “and his progressive cronies.” The low production value video suggested that a vote for Grayson was a vote for a future where lemonade stands are forced to go out of business, the price of gas is near $10 a gallon and guns and ammo are outlawed.

Rarely outdone when it comes to over-the-top political theater, Grayson returned fire in an email to his supporters.

I would like to assure my opponent, and all other right-wing paranoid crackpots, that I will neither eliminate children's lemonade stands, nor triple the price of gasoline, nor outlaw guns and ammunition. If I have a secret plan to do any of those things, it's so secret that even I don't know about it. It's like I'm the Manchurian Candidate, or something. And while we're on the subject, I would like to inform my opponent that there are a few more things that neither I nor my "progressive cronies" intend to do: (1) Make abortions mandatory.

(2) Socialize the means of production.

(3) Outlaw heterosexual intercourse.

(4) Tax breathing, or urination.

(5) Take away his velvet painting of dogs playing poker.

(6) Nationalize his underwear.

(7) Fill the sky with black helicopters.

(8) Remove the tin foil from his skull. One more thing that I promise we won't do: we won't prevent imbeciles from throwing their hats into the ring. So my opponent can run for President in 2016, when Barack Obama is finishing his second term.

Similarly edgy and provocative rhetoric was Grayson's calling card in his first go-around in the House, so it appears nothing has changed. Somewhere, a cable news booker is smiling at the prospect of his return.