NEW BERN, NC—Preparing it ahead of time in case the opportunity arose to seamlessly slip it in, local man Lawrence Mulcahy already had a whole sentence lined up for later in the conversation, sources confirmed Wednesday. “I’m locked and loaded with a nice little anecdote about the Pacific Northwest—now I’ve just got to wait for the right moment,” said Mulcahy, repeating the anecdote several times in his head as he nodded and tried to appear invested in a conversation with a coworker while anticipating when a lull would allow him to deploy it. “It’s all worked out and ready to go. The instant they’re done talking, I’m going to say, ‘Yeah, I’ve spent some time hiking up in Washington.’ As long as the discussion stays on travel, or even families or the U.S., then it’s only a matter of when. It’s gonna be great.” At press time, the last thing Mulcahy’s conversation partner said had completely derailed any chance he had of using the sentence he’d prepared.

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