The retiring class of 2017 rates among the best the AFL have seen in quite some time, with countless premierships, Brownlows and other shiny things in the combined cabinet of these departing stars.

Trying to rate the retirees in some sort of order is a thankless and largely pointless task, yet here we are. And here you are, ready to scroll and fume at the results.

What sort of criteria should one use to perform such an audit, you ask? The answer is "the vibe", though premierships do help a player's cause.

LET'S DO IT.

11. Scott Thompson

Has some of the best biceps in footy, does Scott Thompson. ( AAP: Ben MacMahon )

Honour roll: All Australian 2012, Adelaide best and fairest 2011, 2012

Good player, great player in his heyday. One of those really good Crows midfielders that never quite played in a team good enough to win a premiership, but that's not really his fault, is it?

10. Matthew Boyd

Boyd will forever be a Bulldogs legend for that 2016 grand final performance. ( AAP Image: Tracey Nearmy )

Honour roll: Premiership player 2016, All Australian 2009, 2011, 2016, Bulldogs best and fairest 2009, 2011, 2012

Was a seriously good midfielder around that 2008-2012 period, and then had a sneaky, late-career revival that handily led to a pretty much best-on-ground performance in a grand final. Worth remembering forever for that one performance alone.

9. Matt Priddis

Matt Priddis has won a Brownlow, what have you ever done? ( AAP: Joe Castro )

Honour roll: Brownlow Medal 2014, All Australian 2015, West Coast best and fairest 2013

Has laid more tackles than anyone in the history of the game, which is damn impressive. He had limitations, but he also had significant strengths and not just anyone can win a Brownlow so leave him alone.

8. Bob Murphy

Bob Murphy was kind of a big deal at the Western Bulldogs. ( AAP Image: Julian Smith )

Honour roll: All Australian 2011, 2015

Looking at the respective honour rolls, I'm not really sure why Bob is above Boyd and Priddis but, as I warned, it's all about the vibe here. Let's not forget he was also a sensational player before his knees and hamstrings began exploding.

7. Josh Gibson

Two best and fairests in premiership years is a pretty spiffy return. ( AAP: David Crosling )

Honour roll: Premiership player 2013, 2014, 2015, All Australian 2015, Hawthorn best and fairest 2013, 2015

Okay so when you lay out his achievements like that, Josh Gibson has had a hell of a career. Based his game on punching the lights out of the footy and that has to be respected, maybe even more so than the three straight flags.

6. Jobe Watson

Jobe Watson's career took an interesting turn towards the end, but that doesn't change the fact he was great at footy. ( AAP: Julian Smith )

Honour roll: All Australian 2012, 2013, Essendon best and fairest 2009, 2010, 2012

Going to swerve the elephant in the room and just talk about Jobe as a footballer — he was a bloody good one for a very long time.

5. James Kelly

What a lovely photo this is. ( AAP: David Crosling )

Honour roll: Premiership player 2007, 2009, 2011, All Australian 2011

To stand out in a Geelong team with that many dead set guns takes some doing, and Kelly consistently managed to do that. The Cats don't dominate that era without him, and the impact of his presence at Essendon might not have been felt yet.

4. Steve Johnson

Once commentators stop calling you by your actual name and revert purely to nicknames, you know you've made it. ( AAP: Julian Smith )

Honour roll: Premiership player 2007, 2009, 2011, All Australian 2007, 2008, 2010, Norm Smith Medal 2007

Probably has contributed more highlights to the game than any other player this decade, give or take a Cyril or a Buddy. Obscenely good footballer who always turned up for the big ones.

3. Nick Riewoldt

What about that mark in 2004 though? PHWOAR. ( AAP: Julian Smith )

Honour roll: All Australian 2004, 2006, 2008, 2009, 2014, St Kilda best and fairest 2002, 2004, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2014

It's blatantly not fair that he will (almost certainly) retire without a premiership. Holy moly Riewoldt was amazing — he destroyed his opponents by running actual marathons around the field until they were too exhausted to chase him. At which point he would push them over and start booting bags of goals.

2. Sam Mitchell

Watching Mitchell sidestep his way out of traffic to ping a perfect handball was like watching peak Baryshnikov. ( AAP: Julian Smith )

Honour roll: Premiership player 2008, 2013, 2014, 2015, Brownlow Medal 2012, All Australian 2011, 2013, 2015, Hawthorn best and fairest 2006, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2016

One of the smartest footballers to ever play the game. He became a champion and won everything there is to win, not by being bigger or faster, but by being more clever and more skilful. Takes a special player to pull that off.

1. Luke Hodge

Admit it. You boo him because he is so damn good. ( AAP: Julian Smith )

Honour roll: Premiership player 2008, 2013, 2014, 2015, All Australian 2005, 2008, 2010. Norm Smith Medal 2008, 2014, Hawthorn best and fairest 2005, 2010

Premierships are what this caper is all about and no man has done more to win his team flags this decade than Luke Hodge. Not much else needs to be said.