The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.

The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.

Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.

* = this means you can’t sue me

UNC Basketball Fans Riot After Reddit March Madness Snub

Thousands of UNC basketball fans took to the streets this weekend after Reddit March Madness did not include the Tar Heels in its Field of 68.

Broken wine bottles and blocks of abandoned cheese lining the sidewalks in Chapel Hill as rioters left mass destruction in their wake. Vandalism was a popular method of communication from the hoards, painting argyle patterns on all flat surfaces and defacing anything that was too dark a shade of blue.

UNC basketball head coach and Big Tobacco executive Roy Williams did not approve of the violence, though he said his team deserved a spot in the tournament.

“Violence is never the answer, dagummit,” Williams said. “But the season was cancelled for everyone, and the Selection Show never happened. How can we know that UNC basketball wouldn’t have been in there?”

The coach continued to argue on behalf of his team.

“The NCAA cancelled the season equally for everyone,” Roy Williams explained. “No one specific school got an advantage. The end of the season was open to everyone. That means you can’t penalize us, or else we’ll take you to court. That’s what virtuous, clean, winning programs with nothing to hide do. “Plus, I had no knowledge that the season would be cancelled.. It wasn’t my fault. I’m only the head coach.”

A look at the wreckage from the riots in Chapel Hill, complete with wine bottle and cheese blocks laying in waste.

Whether or not Roy Williams is right, Chapel Hill is now left to pick up the pieces.

“Ew, do not touch that, Reginald,” North Carolina alum Brentworth Moneypenny told his young son, turning up his nose as they looked down at everyone else on Franklin Street. “Leave that for the help.”

Representatives from Reddit March Madness didn’t seem to take the exclusion of UNC basketball from their event very seriously.

“They sucked,” an offical statement from Reddit March Madness read. “To Hell with Carolina.”

Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.

Part of the proceeds from the sale of each #RedditMarchMadness t-shirt will go toward helping those in the basketball community affected by COVID-19. We will be partnering with non-profits like the Give and Go Foundation on the effort. If you know of a worthy group that could use some extra funds, please reach out.