MANHATTAN BEACH, CA — A group of media professionals have come forward to address their industry’s coverage of gungans in light of Star Wars actor Ahmed Best’s admission that the backlash they created almost drove him to suicide. “Weesa mooie mooie sowwee,” said 25-year veteran entertainment writer Eugene Krendale, who organized the beach-side press conference.

“Mista Best’s point is well seen. It’s-a clear me and my dellow writers may have been too much hatin’ — and disa encourage fans to be very wude. But now we spake together and say sowwee. Gungan blood on oursa hands… das the last thing wesa want.”

In a misguided show of support, Krendale and a dozen other writers and publicists have dressed in full gungan cosplay for their long overdue apology. Only Krendale, however, has taken to speaking in the style of Binks, which has been criticized as “Rastafarian Stepin Fetchit on platform hoofs, crossed annoyingly with Butterfly McQueen.”

Following Krendale’s statement, the group of gungans each pledged to uphold the dignity of all Star Wars performers – even those in CG or inside of a puppet. The media professionals promised to think through how their harsh criticism can control the narrative within fandom, thereby unleashing a mob of unmerited hate upon performers, as it did in the case of Best.

As the press event drew to a close, Krendale led reporters to a nearby dock, where the gungan promised a “viral moment.” On cue, the group of cosplayers lined the edge of the dock, with Krendale at the very end. The entertainment writer then shouted “Wesa love you, Jar Jar. Yousa bombad” and each of the cosplayers dived into the water one after another, in something out of a Busby Berkely-inspired fever dream. When only Krasdale was left, he launched into a triple somersault into the water.

Truly the most bizarre apology. But hopefully it sets a precedent in media, especially for writers covering properties with huge fan bases. By tempering the vitriol within criticism, we can set an example for anyone reading these “think pieces.” Just because you can describe something as The Worst Thing Imaginable™ and proceed to drag everyone involved through the mud, doesn’t mean you should. Okieday? Let us know what you think!

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