Following claims by multiple people, including Omarosa, that ‘Scary’ Mike Pence thinks Jesus is talking to him, the Son of Man himself has weighed in on the matter to make clear he is not giving Pence advice, nor does he hang out with the Vice President socially.

“Personally I find him too much of a… umm… Jesus Freak I guess is the term.”

The Lamb of God thanked Omaraso for her careful choice of words when dishing the dirt on Pence.

“I appreciate the way she said he ‘thinks’ I talk to him instead of dropping me in it completely. Omaraso’s a good person deep down. Okay not really, but at least this time she did someone a solid.”

Christ said he wouldn’t want people to get the false impression that the things Pence does or says were at his urging.

“That thing about never being in the vicinity of a woman. CREEP-EE!”