I made it through what I thought was going to be a difficult night. I’m so glad the kids can go visit their mom but at the same time, I hate that any of this is even necessary in the first place.

I don’t know what to do without them. I’m almost never alone and haven’t been for damn near twenty years. All of a sudden I find myself with no one around me and it’s uncomfortable.

Maybe that sounds weird.

Having said that, I feel like I had a pretty good night. I ordered a pizza and watched a couple of movies. I did some work around the house before calling it a night.

My brain still can’t wrap itself around everything that’s happened. I understand as much as I think I’m ever going to but I still have so many questions. Dead time is not my friend right now. When I’m not chasing the kids, I have time to think about how I still don’t understand any of this and my thoughts keep running in circles. It’s maddening.

I struggled the most last night when the kids were picked up because it forces me to face reality that I’m still trying to accept.

At the same time, I was able to push through it and have a decent evening. I feel rested and ready to welcome the kids home in about an hour. Besides, I had company last night and while she’s super clingy and incredibly annoying, I wasn’t alone. ☺

When the boys come home, we have plans to watch a new series on Netflix. I had planned on watching it while they were gone but I was ordered not to. 😂

Our weekend will involve grocery shopping and laundry but that’s about it. I do want to start walking again tomorrow. It’s been a few weeks and that’s long enough. The kids will have to come with me but it’s good for them and they’ll just need to deal with it. They need the exercise and they don’t get enough of it.

I really, really really need to get a treadmill, especially for the winter. I go walking regardless of the weather. I cut it off at temps below 10°F but that’s me. Obviously, the kids can’t be expected to do that.

I need to find a solution to this because if not, I’m going to go crazy or crazier. 😉