But real spycraft has changed massively since the Cold War. To find out just how much, Cracked got in touch with a civilian spy who worked with the Defense Department in Afghanistan. He assured us that ...

Espionage! Skullduggery! Shooting people in the face with silenced pistols! Modern spy movies have given us a very specific picture of what an agent's job should involve. And while we all know that James Bond is a silly exaggeration, the Cold War featured some real spies whose adventures were only slightly less insane.

5 Secret Identities Are Meaningless

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One of the most unrealistic things about James Bond -- that he goes around using his real name and showing his real face -- is actually the most accurate. The spy we spoke to spent years going in and out of Afghanistan, perfecting something he called "real name in plain sight." The "plain sight" part means you need a real reason to be wherever you're operating (say, running a fake charity). A fake beard and a forged ID don't go as far as they used to.

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In the '50s, this was as good as a passport.

This makes perfect sense, when you think about it -- every spot worth protecting features layers of technology that would make Ethan Hunt-style disguises pointless to the point of being laughable. Biometrics has done to clandestine tradecraft what the Internet did to newspapers -- spies today have to contend with iris scanners and facial recognition technology at airports and embassies.

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But, fine, say you do come up with a disguise so sophisticated that it even fools scanners intended to look for your specific bone structure. You've now convinced the customs agent that you're really Chad Notaspy of TotallyRussian Boulevard, Moscow. The problem is that your cover will last right up until somebody on the other side opens up their Web browser.

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"I'm allergic to social media. One 'Like' and I go into anaphylactic shock."

Yeah, Google and Facebook have also done their part to make Cold War-era tradecraft useless -- people today store every achievement of their life online. Imagine if you met some guy with no Facebook profile, no sort of digital footprint whatsoever: That dude would stick out in your mind, and "sticking out" is the worst thing an undercover operator can do. The government will sure as hell notice if someone with no credit or purchase history pops into existence, and that's something that can be checked instantly and effortlessly.

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In the end, Jack NightPunch was brought down by his credit score.

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So yes, you have to do your spying as yourself -- you just have to convince them that espionage isn't how you make your living. So how does a full-time secret agent pull off something like that? Well ...