Have Heart

You were that annoying kid in high school who used to take over the stereo at house parties and play your own music, thus alienating everyone around you. You lament for the days when you used to enjoy life, but your sense of apathy seems to have reached an all time high. You have grown a beard in the past two years. You also became a raging alcoholic upon reaching the age of 21.

Turnstile

You have said the word “rad” unironically in the past 12 months. You reblog gifs of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air and Saved By The Bell on Tumblr despite being born in 1995. You own a dusty Sega Genesis along with a copy of Kid Chameleon which you play on a semi-daily basis. Pauly Shore is your style icon. You really really liked A Goofy Movie.

Ceremony

You unironically wear Unknown Pleasures shirts in the current year. You wish your friends would stop reminding you how wild and rebellious you were in your younger days, while constantly reminding them how you’re not that person anymore and how you’ve “really matured as a person.” You’ve also also make a point to mention how you’ve “really gotten into shoegaze lately.”

Trapped Under Ice

You spend at least 15 minutes contemplating just which pair of New Balances you should wear to the gym each day. Your wardrobe is entirely monochromatic, except for that one red Yankees hat you bought when you were 13. If you haven’t already got tattoo sleeve, you’re at least one bad decision away from obtaining one. Small children fill you with rage.

OFF!



Earth Crisis

You wear XXL hoodies and still drive a 1998 Toyota Corolla on your way to your job as a public school teacher. Your breath smells like a mixture of granola, oatmeal and regret. If you don’t already live in a commune, you’re seriously considering moving to one once you finally hit retirement age, so you can get those damn kids to finally stop bugging you.

Agnostic Front

You panic whenever your friends ask you why you own a copy of Mein Kampf, stating you only read it because you “really respected his leadership skills”. Of course, that doesn’t really explain why you own the entire Skrewdriver discography on vinyl, but that’s neither here nor there.

Madball

Your glory days might be behind you, but that’s sure as hell not gonna stop you from hustling the local Belgian kid who keeps showing up in front of your house every Tuesday night.

H2O

Your older brothers always had to rescue your whenever the neighborhood bullies would beat your ass. You were really grateful for them, but you secretly wished you could always step out of their shadow and make a big name for yourself.

Backtrack

You like to remind everyone of that one time you pranked the teacher in Geography class and won the adoration and respect of your peers for a solid two weeks. It’s safe to say you most definitely peaked in high school.

Expire

You like to remind everyone of how you were best friends with the kid who pranked the teacher in Geography class and rode his coat tails for a solid two weeks. You didn’t even really have a peak, come to think of it.

Twitching Tongues

Your brother really wishes you’d just fucking get rid of all those Chevelle CD’s clogging up his car stereo. You’re also starting to regret that tattoo of Peter Steele’s face you ended up getting in your first year of college.

Code Orange

You used to be the biggest fan ever of My Chemical Romance in high school, but then your older brother lent you his copy of the first Slipknot album and that changed your life forever. You also have an unhealthy obsession with VHS horror movies.

Refused

You were a local legend for a good two decades after leaving town because of some cheap stunts you pulled in high school. But once you came home and people actually saw you for the fraud you were, their respect for you dwindled significantly.

Bane

You collect Star Wars PopVinyls and get fucking pissed whenever your friends try and touch them.

Deez Nuts

You never really grew out of your Wu-Tang Clan phase. You’re also probably the most painfully white person who will ever exist on the planet, if you don’t already realise it. You still wear OBEY snapbacks.

Hatebreed

Your pickup truck has multiple Metal Mulisha and Monster Energy Drink decals on the back window and your Tapout hoodie has started to fade because you wear it so often.

Fugazi

Lecturing other people gives you a sense of enormous self-superiority. Despite giving off the vibe of all-inclusiveness, you’re secretly one of the most close-minded people on the face of the earth and absolutely despise people who have different ideas to you. You also have no understanding of economics.

The Ghost Inside

You just really wish your father would be impressed by you, because no matter how hard you try to please him, he still wishes you were like all the other boys. Sucks to be him, I guess.

Bad Brains

Your family doesn’t let you attend social gatherings anymore because of that one time you made a scene after your nephew brought his boyfriend Michael to Thanksgiving dinner.

Power Trip

Leeway changed your life.

Nails

Your mother really wishes you would call her every once in a while, it’s been so long since she’s heard anything from you and she’s very worried. Your girlfriend just wishes you would last longer in bed.

Black Flag

You’ve honestly spent way more time talking about your past accomplishments than you have actually going out and making a living for yourself in the present. Also, you should really consider moving into a retirement home, just for the good of yourself and everyone around you.

Trash Talk

You have a thing for watersports