My favorite hashtag of all time is Laverne Cox’s #transisbeautiful. I heard her explain its significance at a talk she gave a few years back at a local university. She explained that trans people are beautiful not just when we look like cis people but when we shine forth with our own standard of beauty that is not based on cis normative standards. We are beautiful when we pass but also and especially when we do not. This is counter to the narrative of the cis media, where cis-passing is held up as the one true standard of beauty.

How could this be? If a trans woman does not pass as cis, she is inevitably more masculine in her appearance and how could a mannish woman be beautiful? But it is precisely this juxtaposition of gender that grounds the hidden beauty of trans people because when we do not fit into the mold of the cis world we are forced to showcase our strength and resilience. When we do not pass we must find a way to survive nonetheless. It is either that or death. And it is these inner traits of strength and resolve that form the foundation of our beauty.

We have to fight to be ourselves at every step. First there is the long, dark struggle of self-acceptance, the inner demons, the reconciliation of who we are and who we want to be. Then there is the decision to transition, the fight to find a place in this society that can be so cruel to people who do not conform to the standards of gender expected of them. The pain of being disowned by family, of being homeless and out of work, of being placed on the margins of society through no fault of our own, for simply wanting to be a better version of ourselves.

And then there are those who are truly hidden, the trans people who can not transition or don’t want to transition, who must remain in obscurity, who cannot celebrate their transness in public because the consequences are too great or the decision too difficult. These people are true warriors. They often are faced with the difficult choice of family vs authenticity. I do not envy them. In my own case, my ex-wife left me before I transitioned leaving me free to travel along this path of self-acceptance and exploration. But not everyone has such freedom, and for many the path towards authenticity was paved with pain and loss.

And then there are those trapped in jobs and communities that are openly hostile towards the existence of trans people, who would gladly stamp out the free expression of gender diversity, who would see us all forced into one of two narrow boxes. It requires a great deal of strength to remain in these communities, especially if we have no choice. This is especially true of young people who do not have the independence to do otherwise.

There is the hidden beauty of non-binary people, who are faced with an awful double-bind of being forced to perform androgyny in order to prove their validity otherwise they are not seen as “truly trans” and just pretenders caught up in a fashion trend. It’s a horrible predicament and showcases the narrow minded black and white thinking of a binary world. Trans people are guilty of this as well, lest we think all the blame is on the cisgender world. We must root out all forms of gatekeeping and eliminate our biases to allow true freedom in gender expression and identity. Non-binary people do not have to “look” a certain way to be valid in their identity and yet we often fail to see them as part of our own community. And thus there is hidden beauty in their struggles towards acceptance.

There is the hidden beauty inside all the trans people who are stealth, who choose for reasons of safety or otherwise to not wear their transness on their sleeve and have the privilege to blend into a world that can be hostile to those who have no choice in the matter. But there are costs to this as well, especially in the dating world where they must make the difficult decision of when to disclose their status. And not just that, they must find the strength to remain in the closet and deal with the isolation of knowing they make up 1% of the population. There is beauty in their continuous choice to remain in the closet.

And then there is the hidden and not-so-hidden beauty of those of us who do not blend perfectly, who must go to the grocery story or bank and brave the vicissitudes of a hostile world, especially if we live in community that is more conservative and reactionary. Although it is 2019, trans people around the world are still beaten for having the audacity to be ourselves. This is especially true for trans women of color, who are more than most exposed to the cruelties and injustice of the world.

We are considered a punchline to many, not worthy of being taken seriously in matters of love, life, and work. There is beauty in holding our heads high and taking a regal attitude to those who choose to laugh at us as we walk down the street. And there is beauty in our anger as we choose to fight back, to become activists in the struggle against oppression.

All in all, #tranisbeautiful is not just about physical beauty, though we are all certainly beautiful in our own way. It is about our strength, resilience, and resolve to wake up everyday and be ourselves despite the pain, the mental health issues, the lack of access to adequate healthcare, employment, and resources, and so many other issues that plague the community. We remain on the margins but our hearts are full. We are beautiful in our own way and my great hope is that the cis world will share in the celebration of our diversity rather than tearing us down.