Brooklyn Nets Deron Williams, Paul Pierce, Shaun Livingston, and Tyshawn Taylor star in a hilarious Funny or Die skit where they promise to bring back the “true values” of basketball, including uncomfortable-as-hell short shorts, no dunking, no three-point shots, giant afros, and out-of-shape short white dudes shooting set shots.

As Paul Pierce boasts: “we’re going to lose a lot.”

The skit is brought to you by New York Collaborates 4 Autism and Deron Williams’s Point of Hope Foundation.

While the white dudes look awful on the court, the Nets say they’ll play dodgeball. Can I come?