Welcome Republicans!

By now, you should have received your credentials, your mask of Obama in Joker makeup, and the number to call if you see Sarah Palin anywhere on the premises.

As a delegate to the 2012 Republican National Convention, the eyes of the world are upon you. More specifically, the eyes of the liberal-dominated media, who will be eager to exploit any signs of less than total enthusiasm for our nominee—that is, when they’re not trying to trick you into talking about rape.

The point of this memo is not to convince you to like Mitt Romney. We know that ship sailed long, long ago. The point is to win in November and protect the American values that our forefathers fought so hard for, such as mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds.

Here, then, is a list of helpful tips on how to pretend to like Mitt Romney: