Social media is consuming resources at an alarming rate. Every day, users post roughly 40 million tweets and 3.5 billion Facebook messages alone . . . In addition to which, we have Google Plus, Kinja, Reddit, LiveJournal , and so on . . .

Fortunately, semantic analysis of the traffic reveals a staggering amount of duplication. So to reduce bandwidth consumption, storage space, and work hours lost to “texting thumb”, I propose a new standardized menu that reduces each social media comment to a simple five-bit number (0 to 31):