First and foremost I'd like to apologize for...

First and foremost I'd like to apologize for my behavior and attitude

I have been playing soloqueue for average of 15 hours a day non stop, skipping food, showers, avoiding social interactions and overall cosplaying that crabby crab icon IRL.

The reason for that is because I'm unhappy, with myself, with my life and pretty much everything.

And the way I fix that has always been just play more, as if its going to help me accomplish things and get where I want to be...



Soloqueue rank is really the only thing I can currently validate myself with, and, its not always up to me. For the people that are common visitors to my stream, you've seen the good side in me which is commonly overshadowed by things and reasons and these problems man, really they are just excuses.



My future is pretty much scouting grounds and it doesn't feel very good when my future is being "ruined" by coin-flip factor of soloqueue and I let it get to me...



I set really high standards for myself and when I don't exceed them I get disappointed.

I wanted to go to 2017 Scouting Grounds but I wanted to go as the highest seed toplaner.

50 LP short of Viper but couldn't get it, blame the meta, blame people figuring out its me playing under "SoloQ Antihero" or blame whatever...

Ended up losing about 400 LP and not even finishing challenger because I didn't care enough since I wasn't able to be seed 1.

Best part? If I had camped at 750 I would be seed 1 toplaner anyways because Viper didn't go...



I think I'm growing a bit paranoid overtime, an increasing amount of enemies in this community accompanied by all the times I've been let down by people who I thought were my friends just left me on edge.



I could go on and on down the list of excuses because I have a lot and they are all really good but the problem is really me and until I fix myself I'm going to forever be held back by those problems.



I'm not giving up, I know I have what it takes but before I find a way to get there I need to find myself again.



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