The Isle of Man TT, the Dakar Rally and the Moto GP. These events are exciting as they are dangerous. If you want to step it up a notch however, there’s Aftershock. Get together a ton of misfit miscreant riders, some inappropriate bikes, and a healthy dose of mud for good measure. Stir until rowdy. Bones, bikes, and spirits will be broken.

After much anticipation, the Aftershock Sydney 2017 event went ahead amidst the glorious rain that had been battering and flooding the paddocks that would serve as the race tracks for the weekend. To those that were veterans of this event, this offering of mud was an omen that would ensure a glorious time. The masses of eager idiots and their unique and terrible builds gathered on the Friday, with plenty of eclectic builds coming out of the woodwork paired with purely stupid machines.

The mantra for Aftershock is mainly to not take anything seriously, but instead rip around on the homemade tracks in the most inappropriate machines that could be mustered from the depths of hell. Contrary to not taking anything seriously however, there would still be some race divisions with illustrious prizes to be won by those that are competitively inclined.

The race classes for the weekend and their respective winners were –

Dirt 200cc – Carina Peschel

Dirt 250cc – Ben Males

Aftershock 200cc and under – Josh Bales

Aftershock 250cc – Alexander Relic

Aftershock Open – Scruff Hamill

Postie Bikes – Geordie Tait

Two imposing tracks have been carved into this ancient land, one flat track inspired and the other a miniature of Philip Island. Landowners/Land-donors Chris and Ben graciously offered their plots up for sacrifice, as is tradition each year. Riders of every style and experience slammed and slipped around these muddy tracks which only got worse (and better) with each lap. Getting your knee down is for amateurs, it’s about getting your face down. There was an excellent selection of stacks, which although not condoned, does make for great photos. And thus the line between sadist and photographer is met.

The grounds weren’t the only things to be sacrificed, with a stellar offering of their bodies to the motorcycle gods by resident pain providers Doug and Taffy. Doug decided to stop his fall with his shoulder, breaking his collarbone in the process. Taffy went for a more niche approach and broke his arm on the very masculine slip ‘n’ slide. Both have entered the annals of Aftershock history with their mighty donation of bone and pain.

The mini moto bike jousting was back this year, with scores being settled from the feuds that were formed on the track. Deadly foam pool noodles were to be the weapons of choice. Two punters would go head to head – with only one walking away. Later, the other would walk away as a winner was declared. There were no fatalities (pool noodles are notoriously hard to kill a person with) however there are talks of implementing large metal poles for next year’s showdown, just to spice things up.

As the mud settled and the sunset with it, time to light up the giant pyre to kick off the night’s madness was nigh. A motorcycle was propped atop the blaze and a few pagan chants were muttered while the offering was set ablaze. From here, things got progressively more chaotic as the demons crept out from beneath the helmets. Burnout after burnout echoed and smoked through the surrounding valley. Not satisfied with just burning bikes, 2 speakers were blown as the partying went on into the evening. Fortunately, a nearby YMCA campsite provided ample Mardi Gras themed tunes. Even more fortunate, no photographic evidence exists of the evening, ensuring everyone got to keep their jobs and their families come Monday.

A filthy congratulations goes to James Sinclair for taking home the Balls Of Steel award. James could be witnessed slipping and smashing through the tracks on a Suzuki GSXR 750 ‘Slabby’ that was never meant for the muddy trail – yet here it was. Eve Burchfield claimed the illustrious Spirit Of Aftershock award. In a tremendous mix of bravery, insanity, and determination she made the trek to Aftershock in the pouring rain with dirt tyres on the road. Having survived this, she belted through races festooned as a giant rabbit, and basically had more fun than everyone else combined. An honourable mention must also be made for Matteo, who managed to lock himself in the boot of his own car. A tremendous feat like that simply cannot go uncelebrated.