They reach the bar, and once inside, they see a guy who apparently knows MCA. They sit next to him, and he immediately stands up, announces that he's robbing the place, and shoots two random customers:

The kid said, 'Get ready cause this ain't funny, my name's Mike D. and I'm about to get money.'

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Pulled out the jammy, aimed it at the sky, he yelled, 'Stick 'em up!' and let two fly

Hands went up and people hit the floor, he wasted two kids that ran for the door

Yeah, that we can believe.

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Then he does something that really makes us doubt that he or any member of this group has ever successfully committed a crime: He tells everyone in the bar his name.

'I'm Mike D. and I get respect

Your cash and your jewelry is what I expect'

Then we are introduced to the unsung hero of this story:

... I grabbed the piano player and I punched him in the face

The piano player's out, the music stopped

We're talking about the club's piano player. Apparently, the pianist is so dedicated that during the entire robbery, multiple gunshots, and two murders, he just kept on playing. The music didn't stop until Ad-Rock punched him in the face.

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"He's deaf and blind! This guy is Ray Charles squared."

At this point, the three gather up all of their loot, Ad-Rock abducts two women, and they leave (if you're keeping count, that's five people who had to pile onto the back of poor Paul Revere).

Presumably they chose to form a rap group shortly thereafter.

If you don't remember or weren't around, read more about Eazy-E and how N.W.A was one of the country's most iconic groups of their time.

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For more check out The 15 Most Baffling Boasts in the History of Rap and The 5 Worst Attempts to Start a Catchphrase in Rap History.

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What the Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror, the third book in David Wong's John Dies at the End series, is available now!