DES MOINES, IA—Announcing to family members it was getting “just about impossible” to find anything out there, local mother Pam Westin, 53, declared Friday that the garage is her next big project, sources confirmed. “Jeez, the garage is just so full of clutter you can barely walk around in there—that’s going to be my next project,” said Westin, issuing the proclamation to all within earshot in the kitchen and adjoining dining area, before vowing to set aside a whole weekend to bring the same order and tidiness to the garage that she had previously brought to the basement and, most recently, the front hall closet. “I’m going to go through all those old boxes that have probably been there since we moved in and make a pile of all the sports equipment we don’t need anymore and give it to Goodwill. It really is one big mess in there. It took me a half hour to find my garden shears last week, and I don’t even know where the old blue cooler went. There’s probably things in there we forgot we had.” At press time, the family’s father, Don Westin, released a statement pushing back the initiation of his shed cleanout project by another three weeks.

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