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A guy fakes his own death, Kiwi Chris and Cantillions make up, my dad calls in to call us out of touch, I ruin my hall of fame induction on The Ralph Retort, Sean adopts Crippled Jesus, Null talks about Big Simpin, JF Garpey talks about deplatforming, we take every single person in the Discord, and Sean gets a new watch; all that and more on this very special 200th episode of The Dick Show!

Episode 200 is here, ladies and gentlemen! The world may be in the shitter, but The Dick Show is here and shit free! Mostly. Thank you to everyone who has contributed in ways big and small over these six years. I couldn’t possibly name you all because people will stop reading and just close the page! So I’ll just point everyone to the Rage Board and ask you to go vote everyone up.

For the 100th episode, I meant to compile a PDF of all the posts I’ve ever done on this show, and maybe add some kind of commentary to them for purposes of humor, but also so I wouldn’t forget what was going on over the course of those two years. There was a lot of shit going on after all. Some kind of lawsuit I think. I thought I might do it next week and then the week after. And now it’s 100 episodes later, and I’ve got to do all that procrastinating all over again!

Thank you for listening, and if you cry at the end of this episode, you need to forgive your mother and return to your father because you are a BETA! But first…

The whore economy is shut down. The whore economy? That’s right The Whore Economy. And according to the indefinite term, zero-percent big business stock buy-back/gambling plan that congress just passed (AKA the W.E. F.U.C.K. Y.O.U. bill), there is a special exclusion for whores. I’m not joking, look it up! (Seriously, I’m not joking)

So what are the whores supposed to do in these uncertain times?

Maybe it’s time for the whores to get with the times, invest in a home studio, learn to HTML code. Establish an online media presence and a brand. Sell white-labeled vodka and mugs. Really whore out. It’s time for yesterday’s whores to become tomorrow’s e-girls, and thousands of men are waiting online to have their depression monetized. They’re begging for it. The business is para-social relationships and business is boomin!

There’s gold in them thar simps!

But where will the whores learn these skills? We’re going to need an education program, clearly. Everyone knows that the skills to learn the Internet don’t exist in any kind of readily available way online–nor have they since the creation of the Internet by University academics sometime in the mid 90s after journalists created the concept in Wired. What we need is an expensive accredited online virtual university to bring these whores to you during this time of crisis for old people only. You’re in luck. We have a stipend for that! Welcome to Whore University. Or Whore U, for short. The school that turns you into a fucking whore.

At Whore University, tomorrow’s e-whores will learn HTML skills, and other computers, how to make a modem, how to click “Agree”, but more importantly, they’ll learn how to think. Tomorrow’s whore will learn how to undermine the clearly nuanced and distinct differences between “simp” and “cuck”–and the inherent wrongness of each. They will learn how to pitch and sell and promote their personal “king framing”, which contravenes any kind of rational thinking–that is old thinking. That’s the thinking that killed the Whore Economy, and it will be destroyed. Whores will learn how to walk the line of being both a Google search and the digital mom today’s whore consumer needs. How to survive and thrive as a commoditized product of advertising. Become the ad. Embrace it. Whores will be able to network with other whores–who are always a little bit fatter or uglier or who at least don’t fit the same psychosexual simp-file. They will get boob jobs and hashtags and snap chat filters. Whores will meet current thought-leaders in the game of rationalized failure and morality, AKA Maddox. And they will all be the center of the universe.

And after we’ve scrambled everyone’s brains with enough training in manipulative gobblety-gook, so much so that not even the self is safe–we set them loose in a world that is completely fucked. An army of mindful superstars and success stories, who have never encountered a problem too big to rationalize–in fact, they cannot because they cannot understand that idea. The tautological generation, of self-starters, boot-strappers and lickers, crabs who all escaped the barrel, and the bonafide; ready to accel in a nonsense world by the virtue of more entropic nonsense. The future of the Whore Economy is in the credit. An endless ocean of credit that comes in waves and always rises and never falls, and the only thing that can accelerate faster than its never ending growth is our hopes and dreams. Thoughts and prayers.

End of Quarantine Week 2. Just another 2 weeks. That’s what they said about the Middle East!

“200 Weeks of Rage” by BebiJeezus



A thumbnail in retrospect by all of these incredible artists!

Cliff Campbell, @_berriesncream, itsmintsalad, @CartYoun, Protski

PixelHenkie (sander on discord), heheSilly, Maianca

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