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The Top Six Dangers You Face When Travelling To Colombia

By: Paul Giles

About the author Paul Giles is a British expat living in Colombia. Blog description: Colombia Travel Blog : An International perspective about travelling in Colombia by world travellers. Twitter

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Blog listing is a British expat living in Colombia.Colombia Travel Blog : An International perspective about travelling in Colombia by world travellers.

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There is an outrageous claim going around the interwebs and elsewhere, which states that the only risk one will encounter when coming to Colombia is that youâll want to stay. Although this danger is a clear and present one, and one thatâs befallen all of us foreigners here, Iâm going to come out and say that this is a campaign of falsehoods and fabrications. There are veritable bucketloads of risks associated with the simple act of taking the Colombian plunge, and weâre here to alert you to the ones we ourselves have been exposed to in this terrifyingly dangerous country.Weâve had a crack team of international scientists working around the clock on this first risk, and now the results are in. On average, the fruit in Colombia is 125,387 times more delicious than it is in your country. Now, donât even try to argue with science; itâs just not going to happen. You might think you know what a pineapple or a mango is, but you really donât. The preposterously dangerous phenomenon that is fruit flavour here will make your sad and sorry fruit back home seemâ¦ wellâ¦ sad and sorry. And probably a little remorseful as well.But thatâs only the beginning. You might think English is a pretty good language. Well, usually itâs alright, even if âfilling INâ a form is pretty much the exact same thing as âfilling OUTâ a form. The sad, dangerous, and slightly boring truth is, though, that English is absolutely PATHETIC when it comes to fruit. When it comes to such delicious words and objects as âlulo,â Â or âfeijoa,â Iâm afraid that the English language sucks just a little bit: there are just no English words for them. And then thereâs that massive mouthful of a fruit called âguanabana.â Doo doo dah-doo-doo. Guanabana. Doo doo dah-doo. Once you get your laughing gear (as mouths are referred to by my dad) around the High Definition Fruit in Colombia, the stuff in other countries will seem like itâs in black and white. Fuzzy black and white at that. So, just be careful out there, kids!Back in Oz, dancing consists of carefully balancing your beer schooner in one hand while nodding your head in a vigorous fashion, and occasionally pointing at the DJ as a signal of polite encouragement to continue performing the DJ duties in such satisfactory fashion. This entails a particular skill-set, but Iâm afraid this kind of dancing wonât really cut it in Colombia. This country is dangerously, frothing-at-the-mouthingly dance-mad; particularly Cali, which just happens to be the Salsa Capital of The World and Quite Possibly the Universe. Even if your hips, like my Australian pair, are the filthiest liars youâre ever likely to shake a maraca at, the music-saturated atmosphere may just teach them how to tell the truth. Especially if youâre exposed to the substance we warn of in the next category.What better way to connect with the locals than sharing their local tipple? WRONG! In Colombia, the people purport to enjoy a dangerously horrific drink, aguardiente , which translates literally as âfire-water.â Yes, please; I would like another shot. And if you suspect that the name is a result of that famed magical-realist imagination of this country, youâre in for a particularly impolite awakening, unless you enjoy the sensation of being bitten in the throat by an army of bull-ants. Itâs as rough as old guts, and thatâs how youâll look and feel the next morning. Thatâs when youâll learn the terrifying significance of the Colombian word, guayabo There are some things you can always rely on in life. The internet largely consists of pictures of kittens. England performs poorly at the World Cup. Main meals are savoury. Cheese is only used with specific kinds of food. One kind of carbohydrate is enough. Slipping on a banana peel yields hilarious results.Well, the existence of Colombia shoots your preconceptions right out of the water, as if they were in a Michael Bay film. Fruit sneaks itself into lunch mains. Iâm not talking about fruit with controversial statuses such as tomato or avocado. Here in Colombia, mango and strawberry unashamedly make their presence known as part of the perfunctory lettuce, tomato and onion salad. Then thereâs plantain, which is said to be lovable. Believe me: donât believe everything you read, Gentle Blogger.And then thereâs the cheese danger. Cheese goes with everything in Colombia. Hot Chocolate. Fruit salad. Caramel. Comedy. The Colombian rule of thumb is: if a dish appears to be missing something, add some cheese. Genius. Further, in Colombia, one kind of carb is never enough. Itâs not too uncommon to see potatoes backed up by rice and yucca. But just three kinds of gut-busting carbohydrate is kind of unsatisfactory. Whereâs the arepa, huh? Itâs lucky that the biggest meal of the day is lunch. I never thought about it, but why do people back home stuff themselves stupid just before going to bed? Thatâs just asking for a Dutch Oven Event, especially if youâre carbed up to the max.In other countries, somebody that smiles at you spontaneously is probably a bit simple - and/or Â trying to sell you Amway. Not in Colombia. People here are so genuinely, guilelessly polite, friendly and helpful that you start to wonder whatâs wrong with other countries - and yourself. Itâs a little outrageous how much time and good-will so many Colombians, particularly in the smaller towns, have for visitors. Watch out: you might just start to smile back. Be careful when you get back home; people might mistake you for one of those guys who carries around little booklets of cartoons of religious figures. Not that thereâs anything wrong with that.Countries are generally fine. There are things to do, and places to see, and thereâs usually chocolate. Thatâs all well and good, but Colombia is scientifically-certified amazeballs. Iâd go so far as to say that itâs totes amazeballs. I donât take such terms lightly, just so you know. There might be countries that are diverse, but Colombia is mega-diverse. And that is a real word, torn sarn it! In what other country of the world can you go from snow-capped peaks to a balmy, jungle-fringed Â beach? A honest-to-blog desert to the Amazon rainforest? Bustling, buzzing cities to an immaculately time-trapped , whitewashed colonial town? Caribbean and pacific coasts? Sorry, that was a trick question. There isnât another country. Colombia - with regards to its dazzling array of different landscapes, as well as its exuberantly smiling people and their richly diverse cultures, has a bit of everything, and a little more amazeballs than is fair, really. To be dangerously honest, Colombia does start to make other countries seem a little bit boring. Donât say we didnât warn you.