Neon Trees drummer Elaine Bradley and her husband, Sebastian, were featured Wednesday by Fight The New Drug. The couple shared their experiences in learning to combat pornography in their marriage. The article reveals how their opinions and views regarding pornography have changed over time, and they make a point to emphasize that shame is not the answer in this battle.

“I think when I was younger, I subconsciously compartmentalized men into two categories: those who view porn, and those who don’t. I always envisioned ending up with a ‘good guy,’ which naturally implied that he would shudder at the thought of viewing porn,” Elaine Bradley said. “It wouldn’t even be attractive to him because he would see it for what it is, and be horrified. If he saw a billboard with a half-naked woman on it, he would be sad, and think about how she is somebody’s daughter; because hey, that’s what I do.”

But Bradley now recognizes that although pornography does not appeal to her, it is a real temptation for others.

“Basically, if you are as put off by porn as I am, don’t let that drive a wedge between you and someone you care about,” she said. “Be candid about your feelings, but remember to be open and non-judgmental about theirs. Shame kills love, too.”

Meanwhile, her husband explains that pornography, while abhorrent to him considering his “personal beliefs and intellectual thoughts on the issue,” has been a struggle in his life. But he has made efforts to overcome this temptation.

“I do consider myself one of the ‘good guys.’ I don’t think that I am a ‘bad’ person because I have to make sure I check the parental guides for movies before I watch them, or create safety measures on other media sources,” he said. “However, having conversations with that special person in your life, who admires you, and does not/cannot understand the thing you may be struggling with, can certainly make you feel like a very bad person.”

He found it difficult to talk with his wife about the issue because he knew that she was an “outspoken anti-porn fighter.”

“It wasn’t all at once, but it started when I admitted that porn was still a temptation for me,” he said. “And she didn’t leave me! But really, it actually helped because I could openly put filters on the internet, and she could check in with me regularly, which kept me accountable. Relationships have no room for selfishness, and porn is the epitome of selfishness.”

Read the entire article here.