To the Editor:

While Nicholas Kristof focuses on physical violence, domestic violence — a pattern of controlling and disempowering behavior that one partner uses over the other in an intimate relationship — is not always physical.

Other tactics include isolation, intimidation, withholding of money, and verbal, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse. Of the hundreds of survivors of domestic violence that we at the Second Step work with annually, many report that the bruises they suffer on the inside — the loss of autonomy, lack of self-worth and debilitating fear — are more traumatizing and take far longer to heal than the bruises on the outside.

By raising awareness of other warning signs of abuse — such as increased social isolation, needing to check in with one’s partner on a constant basis — we can do more to end this scourge. Also, by educating our youth about healthy relationships, we can help break the cycle of domestic violence.

SARAH PERRY

Executive Director, The Second Step

Newtonville, Mass., March 9, 2014

To the Editor:

I thank Nicholas Kristof for focusing on the serious problem of domestic violence in America. But he makes the classic mistake about domestic violence offenders when he emphasizes the need for “training programs.” They are no substitute for jail terms and criminal justice penalties.

Domestic violence is not an anger management issue. The vast majority of men who commit domestic assaults against their female partners otherwise show restraint and control every day and live law-abiding lives. But in their relationships with women, they feel free to “lose it” and abuse their partners physically and/or emotionally. Violent assaults are violent assaults. Period. Male violence against women and girls is an extension of the sexism that permeates our society. Until we demand that domestic violence assaults are dealt with in the courts and punished accordingly, victims will continue to be harmed and killed in alarming numbers.

There are important movements underway to address the issue firmly and effectively, such as the groundbreaking New York Model for Batterer Programs. It’s time that we as a society hold male abusers truly accountable for their violence and abuse against women and girls.

PETER HEYMANN

Rosendale, N.Y., March 10, 2014

The writer worked as a supervisor at a social services agency that used the New York Model for Batterer Programs.