Cock-a-Doodle-Doo

the other night i watched an interesting documentary by a comedian who was talking about his having a small psnis. the documentary is called “Unhung Hero” (clever…AMIRITE!!!!, this guys comedy must be a hoot). i found it interesting for i guess what would BE an obvious reason.

i too have a small mule.

no seriously. i’ve never let loose the Kraken and had a woman respond with a “WOAH!! i’m not sure about this”. NEVER. bitches be evil yo. lol. but i sat through this piece of shit “documentary”, knowing there are quite a few guys that are actually concerned about this. i walked into this with an open mind. less than a quarter of the way into it, i KNEW his penis size wasn’t the problem.

his personality was the problem. here’s his claim to fame-

this guy was the biggest douchey beta i’d ever seen. he claimed his small penis was the reason for his relationships failing, and the reason his GF gave for not accepting his proposal. but his self consciousness and his obsession with his hog is what was putting women off. he doesn’t realize that a woman put off by the size of his dick isn’t going to bang him in the first place. yes, size queens exist, but they’re few and far between. but if she let’s you put it in on a regular basis, your situation is fine with her.

the first part of the show had him on a regime on male enhancement pills and a pumping his boy at night. MUCH to my surprise, those products did DICK to help him (BAAAAZIIIIING!!!!) get bigger. then he went to as many of his ex’s as he could and talk about his size on camera. what a fucking sociopath.

then he goes to a few counties to try what they use to “get big”. the ending of the movie has him in a seedy hotel in paupa new guinea with a man about to inject some green fluid into his junk. in what i’m hoping was done for “dramatic” effect, he leaves the room, has his camera guy pay the dude, and walks off.

then he goes to the opposite end of the spectrum and has a chat with a man known for having one of the largest mules in the US (forgot his name) who admits some women just can’t handle him. i had a friend, Josh King, who was nick-named King-ding-ling. he couldn’t even hide how big that thing was. he’s told me more than one story of having to tell a woman he was quite large, and that he was also a “grower”. ALL woman know what a “shower” and a “grower” is. lol. he’s had women flat-out say he’s too big, and he had a girl punch him when he pushed too hard and….well, kinda pushed her cervix in a little. “Dude, it sucks when i can only get the first 4-5 inches in.”

in the end of the show, he asks a woman he met while filming on a date where she states, matter of factly, “if this is going to work, it’s because of you not your dick.”

the moral of the story guys, is if shes already letting you smash her lady biscuit, she’s A-OK with what you’re packing. so don’t sweat it cowboy, i’m perfectly content with my 4 inches of dangling fury.

why are you looking at me like that? what.

and don’t forget to enjoy the comedy gold that is my twitter feed. we be having some drunken tweet tom-foolery there.

stay up (wokka wokka).