Me: *Sighs*... It has to be done otherwise I wouldn't call him.

*Picks up phone*

Deadpool: You have reached the sexiest man alive, how may I help you?

Me: Hey Wade, It's...

Deadpool: HEY BUDDY! I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU SINCE PLANKING WAS A THING!!!

Me: *whisper*with good reason*whisper* Yeah it has been a while hasn't it?

Deadpool: Man it's good to hear from you, how've ya been?... You'll know when you're done, so stop asking!

Me: What?

Deadpool: Nothin, now what made you call me? Need someone offed?

Me: It's funny you should ask, see theres this Satan spawn named Cinder Fall and she orchestrated the deaths of two of my friends...

Deadpool: Say no more compadre, I am on it! That bitch is gonna be one pile of ug-oh-Oh-OOOOOOH YES!

Me: Wade?

Deadpool: Ignore that, just consider the girl dead.

Me: Thanks Wade, I knew I could count on you. But there are a few things you should probably know first.

Deadpool: Like what?

Me: Well first and foremost this woman can fly, control the weather, and shoot fireballs mercilessly on top of using a bow and various forms of dust.

Deadpool: I hear ya, so what exactly do I need to be worried about?

Me: How did I know that wouldn't even phase you? Anyway the last thing is than it needs to be drawn out and painful, I'm serious Wade make it last more than an hour.

Deadpool: Wow, you really don't like this lady do ya?

Me: No I do not. Oh and if there happens to be a red haired bull Faunus with her kill him too, it doesn't have to be as drawn out so undeniably dead works in a pinch, I'll pay extra.

Deadpool: Hey I still owe you for gift wrapping me little Nui here, this ones on the house pal. Hey you aint done yet, three time sure as hell aint enough.

Me: ...uh thanks Wade... you're the best.

Deadpool: You know it, I'll call ya when it's all said and done.

Me: Later Wade*Hangs up* Muuuuuuch later.