Monday

In the morning, while I’m not washing, or shaving, or brushing my hair, every newspaper calls, wanting an interview.

“Because you agree with me about everything?” I say to the first one, delightedly.

“Yes!” says one of the journalists. “I mean, no. Not personally. I vote Green! But some of our readers might. In, you know, the north? And the rest will really enjoy hating you.”

“Oh,” I say.

“Obviously,” says the journalist, “We’d want you to say something that sounds really offensive. Coming from an actor like you.”

“Listen, darling,” I say. “This whole conversation is offensive. Some people are black and some people are brown and some people are actors.”

“Wow,” says the journalist. “Just flows out, huh?”

“I can’t help what