It would be silent if it wasn’t for the wind blowing by. Something isn’t right. A glance to the side, a hesitant reply. Placing ourselves in her shoes, either one of us would be baffled to come up with a more enthusiastic response.

Let’s take a step back. The reason behind this lukewarm response is clear. “Hanging out sometime” doesn’t get us anywhere — the engine stutters, propeller lurches, and the conversation stalls. We need a decision, and we aren’t any closer to it.

In the real world, theories and hypotheticals are seldom enough to come to a conclusion. We need nouns and verbs — places we can picture, times we can consider, and emotions to expect.

When

Working with incomplete information feels like setting yourself up for failure. You’re interested, yes, but commitment from both sides is low — we’ll have have to fly with our instruments, a little bit of luck, and a simple set of rules we derive from our own life experience.

The beginnings of a week are stressful. Fridays and Saturdays are special days.

We’re left with Thursday, Sunday, and Wednesday. Pick one. Just like that, by providing concrete information, we’ve made it a little bit easier for her to give us a decision.

What

Our goal is to give her a snapshot of what our life is like. Some snapshots are more conducive than others. When our aim is to progress the relationship, we’re looking for two key aspects in an activity.

…when he made his request, the man either touched the woman lightly on her forearm or refrained from touching her. While 43% of the women who were not touched accepted the invitation, 65% of the women who were touched agreed to dance.

The sensation is almost insignificant but undeniable. The heart races, eyes shift. Women were 20% more likely to accept an invite to dance when lightly touched on the forearm. Diners who were touched on the shoulder by a waitress left tips 18% to 36% larger. Touch beckons sharing of resources and has clear implications on the courting process.

…an attractive female experimenter stood at the end of either a scary bridge or a safer bridge… the men who walked across the scary (and arousing) bridge were more likely to call the woman.

The air is brisk and stale. Your knuckles grasp the guard rails as you prod the ice with your skate. Your emotions elicit physical changes in the body. The feedback loop is complete when you realize your heightened pulse and aroused state. Ratings of desirability towards an opposite-sex seatmate on a roller coaster are statistically higher following the roller coaster ride as opposed to before. As the mind seeks to identify the source of this emotional arousal, some of it will be attributed to actors that seem inert on the surface, such as yourself.

Dancing is the perfect date. Intimidating and physical, it is the very manifestation of the courting process through the human body. Fostering a love of dance provides for a great opportunity to share your passion for an exciting activity and giving her an idea of what emotions she can expect to experience when spending time with you.

Seeing a movie, on the other hand, not only scores low among these dimensions but also provides few opportunities for conversation. Although it is a fine activity, prefer something else if your aim is to escalate the relationship.

How

Asking works, but inviting is better. Be clear with your intention and use public speaking devices such as a lowered voice and a slow, solid pace. Don’t cop out — be fearless expressing your interest in her. Anything less would be untrue to yourself.

If text is your only option, press send after lunch or dinner — odds that a judge grants a prisoner parole jump to 65% after lunch before they slowly drop to almost nothing.

Conclusions

Advancing the relationship means communicating your interest in a clear way. Providing her with a specific time and place takes the guesswork out for her and puts you on the right track to exchanging your truths and values. Exercising your knowledge in psychology helps move the basis of her decision from chance to reason.

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