Good news, gentlemen! When that time of the month rolls around, you no longer have to put on your lady panties to take care of business! This forward-thinking company, Pyramid 7, has made male briefs just for you. Apparently, there’s an extra gusset or something for a pad. I don’t know. My main takeaway from this is that you girls out there who want to be guys are phoning it in. What is this? Amateur hour? If you want to be a man, then you don’t have a period. This is easily fixable. It’s called a “hysterectomy.” Frankly, if you’re unwilling to do that, then put a skirt back on because you’re doing it wrong.

What is the deal with the straddling of the fence with transgendered people? Pick a side. Do not put tampons in the men’s room. Don’t whine about periods. Just get rid of it. If you don’t want to swing for the surgery, you can go to the clinic and get a Depo-Provera shot that will stop the bleeding indefinitely.

Why, you may ask, do I care? Frankly, I’m tired of seeing the “men with periods” propaganda. Men don’t have periods, period. They also can’t breastfeed, give birth, or use my bathroom. Stop spitting on me and telling me it’s raining. I’m pretty suspicious that the whole “men with periods” campaign is simply a way for girls who say they want to be guys to retain their ability to procreate (and nab that “man gives birth” headline — why is this a story?). Newsflash: Men can’t have babies (for those of you who flunked sixth-grade health class). The “men” in those stories are always biological females with uteruses. Please stop the ridiculous word games.

It’s pretty hilarious that this company made this underwear. First, they already exist. One of my sisters has been wearing them for years because they’re comfy. I don’t see how the new ones are much different. How big of a seller are these going to be? What percentage of the population is actually transgendered? According to Wikipedia, it’s .03 percent. That’s a pretty small target audience! So it’s safe to assume that they did it to virtue signal to the half of the population that thinks catering to mental illness is the height of praiseworthy moral piety. This reminds me of Target’s decision to let men into girls’ dressing rooms. That disastrous decision to alienate the vast majority of Target’s clientele is still stinging Target’s bottom line today, though they won’t admit it. I don’t see this leading to any boycotts (because who cares what adults wear?), but it is odd that a company has spent time designing and marketing a product that only a smattering of people might actually buy.

Pyramid 7 claims they are completely sold out with lots of inquiries for when they will restock. No word on how many units actually left the warehouse. Maybe the women, like my sister, who like wearing boy briefs are buying them. Or maybe the world really is going trans-happy and there are floods of “men” with periods.

Either way, I’m chalking this up to a problem that didn’t need solving.