

While the information age has brought us too many blessings to count, it also has a dark underside no one likes talking about. We can contact people halfway across the world with the press of a button, or reach a global audience of millions in seconds, and yet… And yet there are those instances when that faceless mass of humanity in the crowd, which is usually invisible, makes itself known in ways that often ruin lives. In the past, these acts took place privately, between people or contained within a community. Today, these stories go viral and reach people all over the world, as one woman’s story shows. A life ruined In 2016, an Indiana hair stylist named Holly Jones left a mean-spirited, heartless rant on the Facebook page of one Indianapolis restaurant. She wrote, in great detail, about the bad experience she had had there on New Year’s Eve, and complained endlessly about the service and about another patron nearly losing their life. Following a reply by one of the restaurant’s owners, the story soon made headlines all over the world. Jones, meanwhile, received threats on her life and abuse. The backlash was severe and unsparing – and all because of one post.

A busy New Year’s Eve Picture the scene. It’s New Year’s Eve, and Kilroy’s Bar and Grill in downtown Indianapolis, Indiana, is completely packed with patrons. Suddenly, the din of chatter and cutlery stops, and all eyes turn towards a middle-aged woman. She clutches her chest, and collapses to the ground. All around her, both customers and staff begin to buzz around, some trying to help and others calling emergency services. One woman, however, is unmoved by the chaotic scene in front of her. In fact, this woman – Holly Jones – is more disturbed by her bill than by the fact a woman had clearly suffered a heart attack right in front of her. She tries, in vain, to get a manager and her server’s attention.

Never going back Jones was so dissatisfied, in fact, that she posted on Kilroy’s Facebook page, griping that she had spent more than $700 on her meal, and was instead treated to one of the worst experiences she had ever had at any restaurant. “Our meal (was) ruined,” she wrote, “by watching a dead person being wheeled out from an overdose.” She went to Kilroy’s every year on New Year’s Eve, she revealed, but would not be returning after having had the manager walk away from her to tend to the aforementioned “dead person.” What made a bad situation worse, from Jones’ perspective, was that her bill was “messed up,” and she couldn’t get anyone to clear things up for her.

The waitress was rude too The manager went one step further, Jones continued, to say that “someone dying was more important than us being there,” making her feel like her “business didn’t matter.” It seemed to her like allowing an addict into the building was “more important than paying customers who are spending a lot of money.” Since the manager seemed to have had his mind set on being no help at all, an irate Jones turned her attention to her server next. When Jones tried having her fix the supposedly messed up bill, she allegedly replied, “What do you want me to do, f****** pay your bill for you?” Treating her that way wasn’t right, and she wasn’t going to keep quiet about it.

Setting the record straight Neither was one of the restaurant’s owners, it quickly turned out. Part-owner Chris Burton replied to Jones’ comment on his eatery’s page, and went about setting the record straight. “We love feedback,” he began, “whether it be positive or negative.” The kind of feedback Jones provided, he continued, was valuable in showing others “the disgusting people we have to deal with sometimes.” The supposed addict who had taken too many illegal substances, he pointed out, was in fact an elderly woman who had suffered a heart attack. She didn’t perish, either, as she was revived at the hospital and survived. “It sounds like you were very concerned about her so I thought you should know,” he said sarcastically.

Not mincing words Burton went on to detail how the woman, celebrating New Year’s Eve with her wife and son, was placed on the floor of a packed bar and had her shirt removed – in front of everyone else – so the paramedics could work on her. Referring to Jones and her party as “intoxicated a******s” who “couldn’t figure out their bill,” he said he understood why they might have thought that took precedence over human life. He especially appreciated that fact that she made her server – who doesn’t curse – burst into tears.

Won’t be losing sleep Continuing his dressing down, Burton revealed he took a late-night call from the distraught manager, telling him someone had almost passed away at Kilroy’s, as they didn’t know if the woman would pull through at the time. Employees were having a hard time dealing with that, he was told, and so he understood how “inconvenient this was to your night.” Lastly, he was happy to hear she won’t be returning, as they wouldn’t want such “nasty, cold-hearted” customers anyway. He concluded by saying he won’t be losing a second’s sleep over her business.

Destroying her life Almost immediately after Jones published her post on Kilroy’s page, which was quickly followed by Burton’s own reply, the story went viral globally. Thousands upon thousands of people liked, shared, and commented about what they perceived as Jones’ gross apathy towards human life and extreme selfishness. Going a step further, they tracked down both her personal profile and business page, and flooded both with abuse and even threats on her life. Jones was fired from her job at the Serenity Salon not long thereafter, and has since completely vanished from social media.

An international firestorm Part of the reason so many angry eyes – and fingers – were on her story was the fact that it had made the rounds not just in Indiana. It first made headlines all over the United States, in outlets such as Fox News and Huffington Post, and then made its way abroad, getting covered in the British Daily Mail and Metro websites, among others. Seeing the storm she was now in the center of, Jones claimed through friends that her account was “hacked” and that she never made the original post.

What’s in a name? Holly Jones wasn’t the only person affected. Holly Jones was too! Specifically, another woman unfortunate enough to share the same name with her who also lives in Indianapolis. In their thirst for blood, people reached this Holly’s profile and harassed her with abuse and threats, thinking she was the other Holly Jones. “I like my name,” she said, going on to describe the comments she’d received as “disgusting and hateful.” Eventually, she changed her profile picture to a message saying, “Not Holly Jones that went to Kilroy’s on NYE.”

A ‘lesson in empathy’ Reflecting back on what she’d gone through just because of a case of mistaken identity, the second Jones said that, “The reaction to this one just really seemed to hit people where it really mattered and resonated.” Her hope was that the entire thing – from the original story to people mistaking her for the culprit – would serve as a “lesson in empathy” to everyone involved, including the people who blindly took to hating another person for having the same name. “She did something stupid. That’s all,” she explained.

The psychology of the mob The second Holly Jones may have been onto something. One professor of telecommunications dubbed this the “car wreck phenomenon.” We were all watching the verbal equivalent of a car wreck, he explained, as people were destroying themselves before our eyes. On the flip side, the rise of social media and smartphones has brought about the creation of mobs finding new things to be angry about. Once we find such a villain, an entire global audience is invited to join in with ridicule and abuse completely disproportionate to the original offense.

‘Distant and loud’ The internet makes everything both distant and loud, explained the director of an internet ethics program at Santa Clara University. This cuts both ways, naturally, making Holly Jones and her online accusers equally guilty. While there are certainly plenty of good things about it, the internet also allows people to make offhanded remarks to a much bigger audience than they’re used to, and without them having the sense of consequences that usually comes with speaking your mind bluntly as Jones did. “We’re just shouting at each other,” the academic said.

Is there no better way? You might be thinking Jones doesn’t deserve pity, considering what she did. But she is just one woman, one of a countless number of people who have had their lives ruined by doing or saying something stupid online. They might deserve the bad karma, but is there no better way of exacting justice other than threats of violence over an admittedly self-centered restaurant review? We’ve all done things we wished no one was around to see, after all. Even Chris Burton himself was sympathetic, saying he felt “slightly bad” for Jones.

A slap from the community Still, opinions on the matter differ, and some do believe public shaming – in 2019, as it did in the days of Ancient Greece – can play a vital social role in keeping people in line. One professor of sociology and criminology, for example, said shaming allowed society to single out and sanction people for acts that while not illegal, were morally wrong. It was sort of like a “massive slap from the community,” she said. It was about setting standards, and telling people they needed to be more compassionate and kind.

A smart business move Since the internet is still young, individuals and businesses are still learning the ropes. People are still testing the boundaries of what we can and can’t say online. Businesses, meanwhile, have found a way to build their reputations – if they’re savvy enough. Burton’s response was not only justified, but a sound marketing move, one expert said. Instead of smoothing things over in a “the customer is always right” kind of way, he chose to post a scathing reply, sending a powerful message to his clientele – Kilroy’s cares about its customers.

Some good still came of it Still, it can’t be said that no good came out of Jones’ story. The unidentified woman who had suffered the heart attack at Kilroy’s faced serious trouble paying off mounting medical bills, which reached thousands of dollars. Her daughter, Tohnna, opened a GoFundMe page on her behalf. Thanks to the story going viral, she was able to raise nearly $15,000 – three times the amount she hoped for! Both Kilory’s and Jones’ former employer, by the way, donated handsomely. At least we know some things go viral for a good cause.

Stopping to think before acting While it’s hard not to feel like Jones got what she deserves, the overall trend of naming and shaming people online is a dangerous one. Hers may be a cut and dry case, as she herself wrote the public post that led to her infamy, but in other cases people have been shamed before the entire world, with only a short clip or photo to prove their guilt. Without context, and for what may be a momentary, uncharacteristic lapse in sense, some people face ramifications that last a lifetime.

Same crime, different time It seems like every day there’s a new report of a person doing something terrible to someone else. Have people really become crueler over time? Of course not. People have not changed, and every society has its share of bad apples, as it always has. The only difference is that those bad apples’ actions can now be captured by any bystander and broadcast instantaneously to millions around the world. In this respect, it’s not us, but technology, that has made it easier to point a finger in blame and hatred.

Certainty in uncertain times This kind of behavior is linked – and is parallel – to the rise of reality television, with shows like Big Brother leading the charge. Most of us secretly love both, because these outrageous actions are a spectacle but also because the act of shaming allows us to assert our morality over the targets of our scorn. People need to feel like they’re fighting bad behavior and injustice, and this is the modern way of doing that.

Low-cost vigilantes Of course, if we really wanted to make a difference, we could write our representative, or get involved by organizing a rally or a march. For most of us, sadly, that’s too much work. Participating in the shaming campaign of some random villain, then, is a low-cost way of feeling like we’re doing something noble. It gives us the satisfaction of “being involved” without having to leave our chair. Of course, there’s also something to be said for the secret pleasure we take in seeing someone else brought low…

Egging us on Don’t be fooled by thinking social media are only an innocent tool in this. Quite the opposite – they have a vested interest in making sure online shaming continues to grow, and sometimes even encourage it. “More outrage,” explained Dr. Guy Aitchison of University College Dublin, “means more clicks and more advertising revenue.” Social media giants, he believes, should do more to enforce their rules against threats and harassment. It’s a tricky balance to maintain, with freedom of speech dangling in the middle, but it might make us all more civil.

The diner incident One instance of mutual online shaming sheds some fascinating light on how things work. In 2015, two parents and their 21-month-old daughter stepped into Marcy’s Diner in Portland, Maine. They’d had a long drive, and the infant was getting antsy. They ordered pancakes, and when those were slow in coming, the baby started crying. That’s when Marcy’s owner Darla Neugebauer stepped in. She screamed at the child to be quiet, and it worked. Later, the parents shot back at her in a social media post, while Neugebauer returned the favor.

Divided reactions Contrary to what might be expected, not every commenter was quick to cast Neugebauer as the villain of this story. Of course, more than a few people thought she was being horrible, going so far as to say she gave the infant post-traumatic stress disorder. These people, however, were met on the other side by people who didn’t have – and didn’t like – children. They seemed to be excited to finally fight back against parents who bring their bratty kids everywhere and ruin everyone’s good time.