You’ve all seen those inspirational posters with the pretty scenes and the carefully-selected Bible quotations. Some of your coworkers probably have one hanging in their cubicle, or framed on their desks. You probably have a grandparent or other relation whose walls are adorned with such tripe. And you, being an atheist, or agnostic, or other sort of person who groans upon beholding saccharine nonsense, might wish you could replace that nice quote with something a little more representative of the Bible’s content.

My darlings, I am here to help. Behold: Really Terrible Bible Inspirations.

How lovely is that, eh? You can hang a nice print of it in your own cubicle or upon your wall, and no one can pitch a fit because it’s a beautiful seascape with God’s own words right from the Bible upon it. Who are they to get upset at God’s Word? If they start sputtering about it being NSFW and possibly against company policy and so forth, if your religious coworkers spurt steam from their ears and demand you remove it at once, you can look them angelically in the eye and ask, “Why do you hate the Bible?” Accuse them of cherrypicking. Remind them that all of God’s wisdom is profound and worthy of our attention.

Bonus points if your religious coworker has ever accused you of arrogance because you’re an atheist. You can tell them this verse makes you feel humble.

The image is a photo I took at Seal Rock State Recreation Site last July. Isn’t it spiffing? Elephant Rock rather absorbs your attention when you’re there, but if you can tear your eyes off it for a few minutes, you get incredible views of waves crashing into basalt sea stacks and assorted rocks.

Here’s another Noah’s Flood-themed print:

This design is especially appropriate for shipyards and naval offices.

The Wenatchee River was absolutely full when I shot that photo, the water heaving and roiling as it careened down the back side of the Cascades, and the above image shows you a bit of its might. B and I stood watching the river for quite a while, fascinated and a bit terrified. Water is tremendous stuff. You don’t realize how powerful it is until you see it doing things like this. I figured it would fill in for flood waters quite nicely, although the whole Noah’s Flood thingy would probably have looked more like a tsunami.

There are a lot more of these to come. The Bible is stuffed with absolutely terrible verses, and I’ve got about ten trillion photos that’ll show them off nicely. I figure I’ll start with Genesis and go through each book of the Bible as I release the Really Terrible Bible Stories volume that corresponds. If you have a particular favorite awful verse, please do feel free to share! I’m keeping a list. We are going to have so much fun with these.

All images are available on Red Bubble – you can get them on prints, stickers, shirts, bags, drinkware, and more. You can turn to the Bible for the sordid tale of Noah’s Flood, or find it in my book Really Terrible Bible Stories vol. I: Genesis, wherein I speculate about what impression it may give aliens about human morals.

Happy Sunday, my darlings!

Feel free to share the images around as long as my identifying info stays on – they’re copyrighted, but I certainly don’t mind non-commercial use with attribution. Have fun with them! Do tell me if you get any Christianist heads to explode.

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