SPRINGFIELD, IL—Using a towel to quickly wipe the sweat off his mat as the next class filed in, local yoga teacher Toby Castor told reporters Monday that he has way too much on his plate to fuck any more students right now. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good problem to have, but I’m completely tapped out from banging so many clients,” said Castor, sipping from a water bottle as he prepared for the third of four 90-minute group fuck sessions. “It sucks to turn away enthusiastic students who want you to bone them. Luckily, I was able to refer them to a colleague at the gym. I’ve got to save my energy so I don’t burn out before leading a retreat next month where I’ll be fucking 15 different students for an entire weekend.” At press time, Castor lamented that fucking such a large number of yoga students was forcing him to make too many sacrifices in his personal sex life.

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