MORAL VACUUM (The Borowitz Report)—After many noticed their silence amid the calamitous events of the past several days, Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jared Kushner, confirmed on Wednesday that they have been enjoying a late-summer vacation in a moral vacuum.

In a brief interview with reporters, Trump said that she and Kushner were “just loving” their time in the moral vacuum, calling it “our very favorite place to be.”

“It’s heaven,” she said. “We get up in the morning and never give a thought to our responsibility as Jews, Americans, or moral actors whose decisions have consequences for other people.”

She said that spending time in a moral vacuum had done her husband a world of good. “This is Jared’s favorite thing to do, besides meeting with Russians,” she said.