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The last time Texas created a long-term water plan, in 2007, it conspicuously and controversially left out any mention of the effects of climate change on the state's water resources. In the midst of a drought of biblical proportions, one line from that report in particular stands out:

When considering the uncertainties of population and water demand projections, the effect of climate change on the state’s water resources over the next 50 years is probably small enough that it is unnecessary to plan for it specifically.

KAPOW. Seriously, does it get any more defiantly ignorant? "Dear Earth, your planetary metabolism means nothing to us, because we are Texans and we have air conditioning. We believe that food is made by the free market and that limits to growth are a U.N. conspiracy to impregnate our women with anchor babies."

Texas has four months to finalize its next water plan, and the head of the Texas Water Development Board (TWDB) has said that they are now "discussing" the issue of climate change.

TWDB chairman Edward G. Vaughan's qualifications for passing judgement on the impacts of climate change on the state's water supply are that he's a lawyer from central Texas and a Rick Perry appointee. Meanwhile, Texas' official climatologist, John Nielsen-Gammon, has concluded that climate change has worsened the current drought.

So, who's it going to be, Texas? Are you going to listen to those eggheads, who are a bunch of pussies who didn't even play football? Or are you going to listen to whichever meathead on your committee played fullback in that truly epic season against the cross-town team? (I grew up in Texas and I can vouch for this being the core logic of most decisions carried out in the state.)