Accept everything openly and mindfully as it is. Resistance creates friction which keeps you from peace.

Not having food to drink might sound like an extreme example, but it gets the point across perfectly.

If you don't have food to eat, and you're constantly thinking and stressing about the fact that you don't have food to eat, that's pressure you're placing on yourself.

But accept the fact that you don't have food, and decide in your mind that you're fasting, and as a result of accepting the situation as it is you'll release the friction keeping you from being at peace.

Resisting the natural flow of life is like purposely pressing your hand up against a sanding belt. It's definitely not going to feel very good and as much as you try to stop the sanding belt with your hand you're just going to end up hurting yourself more.

This is how most of us live our lives. We don't even notice that it's our resistance which is causing the friction, the suffering in our lives, and not the event itself.

Some of this is easier said than done, admittedly, but no less true.

What's important isn't perfection, it's simply that you make your best effort in each moment. That will be enough. You've got your entire life to work at it.

The Monk and the Geisha

I figured it'd be wise to explain this idea in a little more detail as this is a topic easily misunderstood.

There's an old Zen story about a priest and a geisha that perfectly exemplifies this point:

A Zen Buddhist priest was among a group of guests who were attending a dinner party one evening. In traditional Japanese style, the guests were all seated on the floor surrounding a low rectangular table. Resting on the table in front of each guest was a small hibachi grill filled with hot coals. Each guest cooked their own portion of meat and vegetables, which were brought out by geisha's and placed in various areas of the table. The priest noticed that one of the geisha's conducted herself as if she might have had some Zen training. He decided to test her, so he called her over. The geisha knelt across the table from the priest and bowed. The priest bowed in return and said, "I would like to give you a gift." Using his chopsticks, he reached into the hibachi, picked up a hot coal, and offered it to the geisha. She hesitated for a moment, then finally pulled the sleeves of her kimono down over her hands. She grabbed the coal, ran into the kitchen, and dropped it into a pan of water. Her hands were not hurt, but the beautiful kimono gown was ruined. When the geisha returned with a new kimono, she went back to the table and knelt across from the priest. She bowed to the priest. He bowed in return. Then she said: "I would like to give you a gift as well." "I would be honored" the priest replied. She picked up a pair of chopsticks, removed a hot coal from the priest's grill, and offered it to him. The priest reached into his robe and took out a cigarette. As he leaned forward to light his smoke he said, "Thank you. That is exactly what I wanted."

In this story, the priest, as well as the geisha, exemplify the true spirit of Zen.

In the case of the geisha, she could have easily gotten angry at the priest. But the only thing anger would have done would be to burn her.

Instead, she accepted the piece of coal with her unrolled kimono and went into the other room to dispose of it and change.

In the case of the priest, he didn't just, "roll with it" so to speak, he adapted the coal as a light for his cigarette.

Both the priest and the geisha adapted to their situations and accepted what was presented to them without creating friction.

This may just be a story, but one which highlights an important point: to go with the natural flow of things is part of the path to peace and harmony within oneself.

Keep in mind, this doesn't mean you should lie down and take whatever comes at you and live without goals or intentions.

There is a time to act, but it should be done in the spirit of naturalness instead of in the spirit of resisting what is. It should also be done while considering the well-being of others as well as ourselves. And we should live mindfully in order to observe when we're creating that friction in order to be able to identify what's the natural way in the first place.

When to Push, When to Go with It

Right about now, if you've been following along closely, you might be confused as to just how you're supposed to know when to push and when to go with the flow and adapt.

There's no science to it, it's mostly intuitive. For the most part, it's our "broad" or greater intentions which make up the majority of our "pushing" efforts. For instance: deciding you're going to build a business, save for a house, or work towards a promotion.

And it's life in the moment which is where we must adapt and "go with the flow". We set goals or intentions and life moves along naturally, without any mind for those goals or intentions.

In this way, life can often seem as though it's trying to keep us from accomplishing our goals, but it's really just impartial.

So when we set goals or intentions, and something gets in the way, the best thing to do isn't to give up on that goal or to fight back and continue to try to make it happen as is, but to adapt and accomplish it by going with the natural flow of things.

In general, friction is caused because we fight back against what's presented to us. But we fight back because we had other plans or desires in the first place, something else we wanted to happen in a certain situation. So it's those plans and predictions which are causing us to want to fight back against reality.

So don't hesitate to set goals or make big plans, simply do so without any attachment to them or to the way you originally expected to do or accomplish said thing. If something changes, you accept those changes openly and move with them.

Have Courage

The ability to adapt at a moment’s notice to the curveballs of life, whether big or small, while not labelling them bad and just going with the natural flow of life is a big deciding factor in our ability to maintain our peace of mind.

By doing so, you consciously decide that you don’t derive your peace and happiness from external events but rather the deeper and ever-flowing “thusness” of life (resting in the present moment, feeling the interconnectedness of all of life) which is always available to us no matter what's going on in our lives.

If you're constantly reacting negatively to change, whether big or small, whether it’s trying to push or pull to change reality into something you believe more pleasant or just getting bitter and angry over what’s already happened, then you’ll be frequently unhappy with your life.

In the "modern" world, there's such a strong sense of, "Fight back!" "Resist!" "Make/Change your destiny!" And to do so while not only ignoring our own well-being but the well-being of others.

There's nothing wrong with living purposely, but if you live your life thinking you're always fighting back against it and everything in it then you're just placing your hand on that sanding belt again.

I grew up in the U.S., so I can't speak for anywhere else, but most Americans have a strong sense of this. Most of us grew up thinking that life was a constant pushing and pulling, fighting against the odds, against the "forces", and making it happen no matter what.

And while this mentality can help accomplish tasks, it creates a lot of harm too.

Going with the natural flow of things isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength and courage. It takes both to accept that you're not completely in control, and to realize that you don't need to be to find happiness, and by doing so you'll be well on your way to finding peace.

So, baby #3. This is me announcing, "I'm rolling with it". Who's with me?

"The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level, it is some form of negativity. The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment."

- Eckhart Tolle