So, I wanted to start a blog to archive my transition. I’ve wanted to start one for a long time. I’ve wanted to start one for so long, in fact, that I sort of… missed most of my transition. Damn. I came out back in February of 2010 and started my transition shortly thereafter. Looking back, I guess it’s not surprising that blogging was the last thing on my mind at the time. I was terribly depressed, largely homeless, and for the most part devoid of all hope. I’m sure that’s not an unfamiliar tale.

Regardless, allow me to introduce myself! My name is Elyse. I’m 25 now, and if you want the technical details, I’m a pansexual femme pre-op transgirl. I’ve been on hormones for over two years now, but aside from that and a meager amount of laser, I’ve had nothing else medical done. That said, I’ve always seen my transition as a combination of several different facets, and in my experience so far, the medical facet has been the least important (aside from HRT basically curing my chronic depression overnight).

I’ve never been able to put my finger on the exact date I went full-time. All I know is that in mid-2011 I was only passing some of the time, and by the end of the year, suddenly everyone stopped misgendering me. That was rather encouraging, as you might imagine, and so I used that excitement to push forward. By mid-2012 I looked good enough to do some work as a model, and I used that summer to come out to anyone that I hadn’t come out to yet (extended family, distant friends, etc.). Incidentally, I realized later that the summer of 2012 was also when I slipped into what some would call “deep stealth”. While I am not a fan of the word or what it implies (I’ve never hidden my gender identity from anyone, nor do I wish to) people I met just stopped noticing I was trans altogether, even after I spent significant amounts of time around them. I didn’t know what to do about that at first, but eventually I sort of settled into a fairly comfortable, “Well, if it comes up, it comes up,” sort of lifestyle.

Today I work as a supervisor for a fast-growing communications/technology company that develops and staffs proprietary software and hardware for the hard of hearing and deaf communities. I live with my wonderfully supportive partner and our darling little 2-year old. I’m slowly, albeit retroactively, getting involved in the LGBT community, something I was never able to do while I was in the thick of my transition. I’m considering writing a book about my experiences.

I have no idea when my transition will finish up. In many ways I feel like all I have left to do is get my various medical procedures financed and out of the way. Sometimes that looms up and feels impossible, and I panic for a minute or two, feeling like I will never get there. Still, I feel like all of the other facets of my transition have been closed out.

Mentally, emotionally, socially, etc., in these facets I feel like I’ve completely and comfortably transitioned. That’s interesting, because looking back I consistently went over the top with my transition due to my constant worries that I would do something wrong. I kept my old wardrobe until I realized that I had lost 80lbs and none of it even remotely fit. I kept coming out to people due to a sense of obligation until I realized that it wasn’t really relevant to half the people I was meeting. I kept taking voice lessons until I heard a voicemail I had left on someone’s phone and realized I sounded just like any other girl. Eventually it dawned on me that none of that was necessary anymore.

Anyway, I will be using this blog to hopefully recount as much of my story as I can recall before it slips away into distant memory. I’m going to try to keep this as fact-based as possible, as I feel the internet has plenty of opinions to go around as it is! So, this is me, and my transition, my metamorphosis from an amorphous, depressed, blend-into-the-wallpaint kid into a confident, stable, well-rounded individual.