I’ve been consuming JOI for many years. In fact, when it comes to porn, JOI are the primary objects of my interest. I don’t remember ever getting off on a truck driver fucking a prostitute. I got used to POV, but in general, seeing a naked guy doesn’t make me aroused. Even in porn.

When I first came across JOI, it felt like discovering a whole new joyful world. I’d been into femdom before and the idea of some girl telling me what to do felt great. It felt better than POV with a male actor, because I knew I couldn't experience exactly that. I could only sit there, jerking off, and try to imagine the girl doing the same to me.

A new addiction was born.

As I saw more and more clips, my expectations grew high. While in the beginning, any regular “Red light, green light” type of idea with reasonably pretty girl would do it, nowadays it’s mostly just a thrash for me. Also, my sexuality developed continuously. I’d been into femdom well before JOI, and since JOI is mostly femdom oriented, I obviously went in this direction. I got into fetishes like tease & denial, orgasm control, ruined orgasms and similar.

These fetishes are not very common among free sites. I spent enormous amount of time and effort in search for new videos. Since I knew it gets deleted very quickly, I searched for them on each occasion, not just when I was horny. It became compulsive. Opening the porn sites became a routine I followed without thinking twice.

After some time, I became tired and frustrated from all of that worthless effort. I could surf around the Internet for hours, but still couldn’t find any new clips that’d be interesting for me. And so I started buying them.

The first time I bought a bunch of clips, I probably deeply believed it’d be an exception. It wasn’t. Buying clips opened a whole new world for me - just like seeing the first JOI did earlier. Instead of searching the free sites, I spent hours and hours searching the stores and looking for clips I’d be interested in. This became increasingly difficult once again. Expectations grew higher again and aforementioned fetishes weren’t common enough even among the official stores. I started to like the clips where I didn’t quite knew what was about to happen and it contained instructions for a longer period of time (weeks).

These clips are mostly garbage just like anything else. The reason is simple: It’s not exactly what I wanted. I thought for a while what is it that I really wanted and realized it was for me to have a sex life with a girl. It took some time until I realized JOI actually destroys my sexuality and decreases my chances to actually get a girlfriend.

It is like hiring a prostitute. She can have sex with you, but she won’t love you. “Cam babes”, as they call themselves, can tell you to jerk off, slowly, juuust like that, but they don’t give a fuck about anything.

These cam babes are, in vast majority of cases, not dominant at all. Sure, you can’t expect to meet lifestyle domme selling JOI on the Internet (even though they rarely exists), but that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean the simple fact they even can’t act as ones.

To hide their natural inability to act dominantly, they simply choose a humiliating vocabulary. Even though it's completely irrelevant to the clip’s subject and it’s not listed among keywords, they will show you a middle finger, talk about how it’s important for you to spend money on them, and say that your dick is small. Waaaay too small.

Not only they are not dominant by nature, they also don’t have a clue what it should be about. Or maybe they know and just don’t give a fuck. Well, fuck you, loser!

This is, in part, the reason I had problems finding the right clips. Hearing a girl laughing at my dick or calling me a loser doesn’t excite me, as well as it’s not what sexual dominance is actually about. I remember, back in the days, when I heard it from the video, it actually got my libido down and pretty often I ended up closing the video immediately.

As I struggled with the constant lack of clips, I probably started to ignore these notes here and there. Over the time, I realized it doesn’t bother me so much anymore, and I even caught myself thinking about it. Am I a loser? Will I never get a girlfriend? Do I have small dick? I never really thought like that before. Sure, I’m not regular guy from a gym, but other than being a little socially anxious, I’m alright. Is it possible I actually started to alter my ego according to what I heard from these “cam babes”?

The correct way to think of “cam babes” is as of a dumb piece of flesh whose only concern are money. Except maybe a very few rare cases, there is no sexual motivation in what they do at all. This is in contradiction to what we’d like to believe in. We see this woman, commanding us what to do, when in reality, she doesn’t… give a fuck. And yes, they even care to admit it.

Funny though, looking at their Twitter profiles, they do talk about themselves as about goddesses, princesses, empresses or using other fancy titles. It’s equally ridiculous as being an actress playing Cleopatra and then talking from Cleopatra’s perspective on a personal Twitter, but at the same time admitting not to be Cleopatra at all. But hey, why not, when there’s always a bunch of guys happily worshiping her?

Ironically, these goddesses, princesses and other -asses are often uneducated and drowning in financial problems. Most notably the less successful ones. When their payout day is reaching by, but they hadn’t made enough to meet the limit, they will yell and cry at the Twitter, trying to convince a few fucking losers (who are suddenly referred to as “good boys”) to spend a few hundreds of dollars so that they get their money on time. They actually feel we owe them. Sure, not having saved enough money to survive the upcoming month is what makes you the Empress! And yelling at potential customers they are obligated to buy something, because she’s got a rent to pay, is a very professional approach. Well done, ladies.

They happily disclose their financial problems, as well as parts of their private life. Sure, I’m so happy you got this lovely dinner with your boyfriend. Of course, I will cover the spendings! I was into femdom, wasn’t I? That’s what it's about… I think. Are you suing over your child and crying endlessly on Twitter? That’s nice. I just got my dick hard. As your potential customer. Since I was into femdom and you seem to offer it!

I dare you, these were the real topics. Empress Jessika Lexi is the one who bitched about not reaching the payout limit, Finley Fawn is the one bitching about losing her kid. I could continue, but I guess you understand by now.

It’s an unequal trade. I don’t have to jerk off to them, but they, on the other hand, have to pay the rent. Yet, they don’t value you enough as a paying customer. It’s worth to mention that usual rate of $1 per minute is ridiculously high. Where I live, it’s relatively even more expensive than in the USA.

However, I’m not saying this because I actually want it to change. I don’t want prices to be lower, or clips and models to get better. I want it to get out of my way altogether. The true motivation behind writing this is to discourage as many guys as possible, because it will result in healthier society overall.

They say you can temporarily turn gay while in prison and then get back to your previous sexual orientation once released. I believe that’s exactly what happened to me. I couldn’t get a girlfriend, so I got used to releasing the tension using the pornography. This partially affected my sexuality - maybe a little more than I care to admit.

However, I’m not trying to quit femdom or similar nonsense. I just need to quit the porn altogether and let my sexuality return to where it should be. From the past experiences, when I tried to go a few days without, I know it will be extremely difficult, but I just spent a few hours evaluating the reasons to quit in depth. I calculated my overall expenses on porn and even though it’s far from endangering me, it’s more than I expected. Psychology and overall well-being is a much greater concern of mine. It’s very interesting to see what clips I bought and in which times of day. I recommend everyone to keep such log as well.

The next step is to delete all of the collected porn. Since I know what enormous amount of time and money I’ve spent collecting it (and how rare some clips are), I’ve got hard times convincing myself to let go of everything once and for all. I shouldn’t need it anymore, so it’s obviously nonsense to keep it and therefore the only obvious way is to delete it.

However, I’ve came up with a very nice approach to do that. Coming soon.