Christians Ban Bible For Not Being Christian Enough

Jan 05, 2019

A new group of Christians want to ban the Bible. They say “It just doesn’t represent our values anymore.”

The conference for aspiring big tent ministers started pretty normally this year. Speakers preached, praised the lord, inspired hope and abundance. Except for that one little thing at the end: The Bible was added to the group's list of banned books.

It happened during a Bible study class called “Does the Bible still work in today’s world?” The class was designed to inspire and show relevance, but the conclusion was strikingly the opposite. No: The Bible doesn’t work in today's world.

Here's 5 reasons why modern Christians gave the book the boot:

1) The Bible is pro-immigration

Modern Christians understand the need for walls against "shithole" countries, "bad hombres," and rapists trying to get in. Yet the Bible asks you to do the opposite.

Exodus 23:9: “Do not oppress a foreigner; you yourselves know how it feels to be foreigners, because you were foreigners in Egypt.”

Hebrews 13-2: “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

Jeremiah 7:5-7: “If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, if you do not oppress the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your ancestors for ever and ever.”





2) It makes some Anti-Trump statements

The Bible also makes some direct attacks against the president, who some Christians "know deep in their hearts" is the second coming of Christ sent to deliver us.

Matthew 6:24: “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

John 2:16: “For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”

Ecclesiastes 5:10: “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.”

Matthew 24:24: ”For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.”





3) Oddly mentions non-binary gender, non-binary nationalities, and non-binary economic status

The Bible makes some existential statements that come straight from Jacques Derrida, which is a bit more lefty and academic than the tastes of most modern Christians.

Galatians 3:28: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”





4) Advocates giving away wealth, reeks of socialism

The Bible is not capitalist enough.

Leviticus 25:23: “The land, moreover, shall not be sold permanently, for the land is Mine; for you are but aliens and sojourners with Me.”

Luke 14:13-14: “But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.”

Proverbs 28:27: “Whoever gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse.”





5) Implies some ministers are false prophets

Some ministers are starting to think the Bible is intentionally throwing shade their way.

Matthew 7:15: “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.”

2 Peter 2: 12 “But these people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like animals they too will perish.”

2 Corinthians 11:13-15: “For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness.”





So what do you think? Should Christians ban the Bible?