Recently some friends and family have expressed concern over my 24 semi-feral cats. They claim that no one should own 24 cats and to that, I agree. I don’t trust even numbers and 25 is an unlucky number so I am actually going to need 27. Technically I already have 27, but only if you count the dead ones in the freezer. I hope to round out the family this weekend with some good old fashioned alley hunting. Who else is going to care and love for those helpless kitties if not for me? They would die on the streets if I did not save them and take them home to my one bedroom apartment!

Apparently some crack pot doctors have done studies proving that cat feces can lead to schizophrenia. I have never heard of anything more ridiculous in my entire life! How could the droppings from my little alley treasures ever make someone go crazy? These “studies” by these “doctors” are always proving something and then disproving the exact same thing a week later. Next thing you know we’ll hear that smoking is bad for you! What a bunch of nut jobs. I think they need to have their heads examined!

Honestly, I just don’t see what the problem is. They are well fed and loved. I feed them a mixture of turkey soup and wet cat food I prepare fresh each night. I make sure I don’t make enough for them all to eat because I don’t want them to lose their ability to hunt for food. I toss the soupy mixture on the floor and let them fight over who gets what. Survival of the fittest so to speak. On Friday nights we do feeding time a bit differently and I feed them off my stomach! As for paying for the food I just use my welfare checks or just steal donations left outside of the SPCA. The SPCA has a ton of rich people donating money to it, so I don’t feel bad grabbing a couple of cans of Fancy Feast for my Littles!

Cleaning up after them can be hard since I only have room for two litter boxes. I used to clean the litter box up to five times a day and even set up my alarm to wake up at night but I got tired of doing that so now I just let them go wherever they can find a spot. I’ve gotten rid of most of my furniture and even sleep on a plastic lawn chair that I can just hose off every so often. They don’t seem to mind that I only sweep up after them once every few weeks and they tend to make their business in the corners anyways. I try to limit their water intake to cut down on that “cat pee” smell. I don’t notice it anymore but apparently it is “offensive to the neighbor”. When it is time to clean up I just open up my back door and sweep all of their poop onto the balcony me and my other neighbors share. My neighbor’s toddler thinks it’s Play Doh!

And for all of you that say I’m using a “wall of kitties” to hide any personal pain I may be feeling I say you’re the crazy one! Just because I’m thirty years old, single and have 24 (soon to be 27!) semi-feral cats does not mean I’m lonely. Who could be lonely with 24 little love bugs around hopping up on every possible surface of my apartment? Not this girl. Sure, it can tough to explain to guys but most of the guys I meet off Craigslist don’t seem to mind when a few cats hop on their backs during lovemaking. Everybody likes a ride now and then!

I sure hope I was able to clear up any misunderstandings. I am most definitely not a “crazy cat lady”. Now excuse me while I start my nightly ritual of singing “Milkshake” to Mr. Paws. It’s his favorite and he gets real bitchy if he has to wait.