Dear Auntie,

In my country (not the U.S.), there is a restaurant chain which offers a cheap 2-for-1 burger special on Mondays. As university students, these kinds of specials tend to be a good chance to go out for supper socially without spending too much money. The problem with this restaurant chain is that it is a themed restaurant and the theme is very insensitive to Native Americans. It uses culturally appropriative decorations and caricatures and homogenises Native Americans.

One of the people in our social group currently is a long-term American exchange student who feels strongly about these issues, partly because of her hereditary lineage. Is it insensitive if we still want to sometimes go to the restaurant on Mondays? Should we invite her? I think we are generally committed to being sensitive around these issues, however because of how far we are from the United States I feel that the harm caused by eating there is limited.

And you might be right about that, Sparkler.

Or hey, you might also be wrong! Because that’s the thing about this issue: It is extremely debatable whether cultural appropriation is a harmful and oppressive practice that must be stopped at all costs, or a natural, inevitable phenomenon that has been occurring without adverse effect since the dawn of time. It’s true that some people feel deeply affronted when they see the art, textiles, fashion or food from one part of the world being adopted by someone whose own ethnic roots lie elsewhere, especially if there’s a history of exploitation in the mix. It’s also true that no culture on earth—be it European, Asian, African, or American—is “pure” in this sense, and that culture as we know it wouldn’t exist if not for people borrowing from, riffing on, or straight-up copying from other groups when they saw something they liked. (Fun fact: Those burgers you’ve been hoovering on Monday nights are a perfect example of cultural appropriation, and evolution, in all its awesome unstoppable glory.)

In short, people can and will disagree on the answers to your questions. And that’s okay! It just means that I can’t tell you, objectively, what the “right” way to handle this situation is. You’ll have to decide that for yourself, with due consideration not just to the appropriation debate, but to the relative importance of that debate in comparison to other things, like, say, affordable social opportunities, sensitivity in your friendships, the values you personally hold most dear, and the feelings of other people in your group. Is there a consensus amongst your friends that a great deal on dinner is worth it, even if your dollars support the inauthentic depiction of totem poles and teepees? Does decency require an out-and-out boycott, or is it enough to acknowledge the inauthenticity of the teepees and get on with your meal? Is there measurable harm done to native Americans by a homogenized depiction of their culture on the other side of the world, or is it merely irritating in the same way that any cultural stereotype would be? Would you be satisfying the tenets of sensitivity by inviting your friend to join you with due lip service to her feelings, i.e., “I know you hate the decor at this place, but we’d love your company if you can stand to compromise your morals in the name of budget-friendly beef”?

Ask yourself these questions. Ask your friends, too. Talk about your respective answers generously, with open minds, and see where you end up.

Whatever the outcome of this conversation, it’s certainly one worth having; it’s also one you should all be able to have, respectfully, without it devolving into name-calling or demonizing. And at the end, even if you don’t reach an agreement, you should be able to find a solution that everyone can live with.

Because reasonable people can disagree on intellectual issues like this. But more importantly, really reasonable people can agree to disagree, particularly when more practical concerns (e.g. social opportunities and cheap food for a group of broke college students) hang in the balance. And hopefully, when all is said and done, everyone in your friend group—including your American friend—will at least recognize that flying halfway around the world to debate the offensiveness of a less-than-nuanced depiction of native American culture is a privilege in and of itself… which is something you guys should totally discuss the next time you go out for Problematic Burgers.

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