NEW YORK OR CHARLESTOWN: New York Democrats are targeting West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin and pledging not to vote for him in their Democratic primary on June 26th, 2018.

Mr. Manchin was one of a few moderate Senate Democrats who sided with Republicans to end the federal government shutdown this week, abandoning a short stand in defense of the DACA program protecting undocumented youth brought to America as children. His constituents in New York are furious.

“How DARE he ignore the will of his voters in Brooklyn and Queens!?” stammered Jessica Rignwatt, campaign director of Credence Moves, at an impromptu rally at Prospect Park in Brooklyn. “Joe Manchin, Heidi Heitkamp, Doug Jones, and Joe Donnelly, we’re coming for you at the ballot box!” she chanted, referring to Democratic senators from North Dakota, Alabama, and Indiana as well.

“New Yorkers won’t be voting for you!” she screamed, to storms of approval from fellow New York progressives.

Mr. Manchin, Mrs. Heitkamp, Mr. Jones, and Mr. Donnelly did not respond to calls to their New York offices. Reporters also tried to get in touch with their offices in San Francisco, Seattle, Boston, and Chicago, where their constituents were also furiously protesting and boasting of plans to vote for primary challengers.

Asked how a New Yorker planned to mount a successful primary challenge against a West Virginia Senator, Ms. Ringwatt replied, “We’re going to vote for Michelle Obama!”

“She’s popular down at the yoga studio, so we’re confident she’ll be very successful in West Virginia and bring our New York values to the Senate.”

People who put ketchup on everything contributed to this report. They can be reached at theflatearthtimes@gmail.com

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