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A PASSIONATE and rabid rugby fan eagerly awaiting Ireland’s next crucial rugby clash, has admitted that, try as he might, he hasn’t the faintest idea as to what is going on in rugby games.

“I shout ‘go on’ a lot, that seems to disguise most of my lack of knowledge,” explained Dubliner Cormac Sheehan, “oh, and I go absolutely fuckin’ nuts when one of our lads smashes someone in a tackle”.

Sheehan admitted to adopting a reactionary style to the action on pub TV screens, drawing on other people present in his local pub in attempt to sound knowledgeable.

“When something is kicking off in the game, I keep an ear out for what the auld lads do be saying and I quickly sort of say the same thing just in a slightly different way, a few seconds later,” Sheehan added.

“I get this nod from a few of them as if to say ‘yeah buddy, you know you’re fucking rugby’. But, I’ve been at this 10 years, and it’s still a mystery to me. Like the offside is different to offside in soccer, but I don’t know how,” the imposter confirmed.

Sheenan added that despite his lack of understanding of the most basic facets of the game, he was looking forward to relying on old and redundant stereotypes about whatever country Ireland faces to shout about during the match.