“Who is God?” My four year old asked, glaring up at me from his pillow.

“Pardon me?” I heard what he had said, but it caught me off guard. I was buying time for myself to consider his inquiry. Maybe he would rephrase his question and I could avoid this religious discourse for a few more evenings.

“Who is God?” He repeated in the most honest tone imaginable.

I guess not.

We were reading Roch Carrier’s classic Canadian children’s book, The Hockey Sweater. The story’s young protagonist is sent to church to pray to God for forgiveness after losing his temper on the hockey rink. And for those not familiar with The Hockey Sweater, the boy prays for moths to eat his Toronto Maple Leafs hockey sweater – I am unsure why my son chose not to ask me about this questionable and blasphemous request!

I could see the curiosity in my son’s eyes when the young hockey player in the narrative began to detail speaking to a character that wasn’t illustrated on the page. I can safely assume that my five-year-old’s question was derived from this scene, uncommon to him.

Who is God?

His question made me uneasy at first. In the back of my mind I held a misplaced fear that if I discussed with him what I understood of God or religion that I would indoctrinate him and he would adopt my explanation as the origin of his own faith. I also felt conflicted because I’m unsure if I believe in God. I wanted to be honest with my son but didn’t want to taint his viewpoint. I wish for him to be open minded about the existence of something divine.

I struggled to form the answer that he deserved about God because at age 32, I am still searching for answers to questions about my own spirituality.

Should I say nothing at all? Growing up, faith wasn’t something my parents openly discussed. Although my father was raised Catholic and my mother is spiritual-but-not-religious, I was brought up in a secular environment. My upbringing was void of religious influence and I was not encouraged to believe in God. But my parents also did not tell me that God didn’t exist. I wasn’t pressured to feel a certain way about God, and because of that I have been able to keep an open mind not only about my views on religion but also about other’s beliefs as well.

I skirted around the question at first, “God is character in the book.”

I concealed my views because I didn’t want to confuse my son or provide undue influence. I wanted my answer to be honest, concise and concrete as I try to be with every lesson I offer to him. What I didn’t realize was that, for me, there was no concise, perfect, golden answer to his question. And my justification for not communicating honestly was born out of the desire to shield myself from embarrassment by exhibiting my own confusion around the topic.

What I choose to share with my son about religion is going to be the foundation in which he builds upon his own opinion. This is why being honest was vital.

I offered him the best answer I could.

“God means something different to many people. Some people believe that God lives in the sky in a place called Heaven and takes care of people on Earth. Many people talk to God by praying, like the boy in the story, and ask for help. Some believe that God created everything in the world. And some people believe that God is imaginary like a dream. I don’t yet know who God is to me and that’s okay.”

I wanted him to know that this answer didn’t lie with me, but it exists within people who have discovered their faith. Whether right or wrong, my decision was to be honest with my son in the best way I could, being a man who is unclear about the existence of God. I want to build a strong and truthful relationship with my son. Explaining to him how I feel and opening his eyes to how others practice their faith demonstrates my willingness to be open and forthcoming – characteristics I want to instill in him. I realized that welcoming a dialogue about religion would not indoctrinate him, but it would create an environment in our home that is accepting and respectful of all people’s beliefs. More important, I want to foster an atmosphere where my son doesn’t feel shame in sharing his own beliefs as he begins to discover them.

My son did not respond to my explanation. Maybe he was content with what I had said. Maybe he didn’t absorb the vagueness of my non-answer. Or maybe he is just waiting to talk to me again about God.

My son is young and will have many more questions about faith as he grows and is subjected to the diverse beliefs in our country. I will continue to listen to him and guide his knowledge the best ways I can – honestly and without prejudice.

Maybe through our discussions, my son will help me discover my own faith. Either way, we have started this journey together.