BROOKLYN, NEW YORK—Shoving one another aside as they rushed to be the first to choose, the crew from Rockson Construction were fervently arguing over who gets to use the fun tools at the work site, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I call jackhammer,” said crew member Bruce Sampson, who attempted to wrestle the piece of machinery out of a coworker’s hands while several others scuffled over which one would get to drive the bulldozer for the day. “No fair, gimme that—I want to break up the concrete today. You already got to do it a whole bunch. Now it’s my turn. You use the stupid drill this time.” At press time, the crew was dejectedly pounding nails into wood as the foreman’s punishment for their behavior.

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