Messaging someone on a dating app can be nerve-wracking, especially if you don’t do it often. It’s especially true if you spot someone that could be your soulmate, if only you could make sure they message you back. So if you’re freaking out about how to meet up with the person that just super-liked you, don’t sweat it. And definitely don’t overthink it. These opening lines are guaranteed to get his attention and maybe a date (or, quite possibly, reported to Tinder).

1. “I’m from the future and we need to get married because our child will cure cancer.” Simple AND believable.

2. “F*ck, marry, date: Me.” Straight to the point.

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3. “Quick, what’s the last thing you masturbated to?” This is a great opening line in real life, too. Feel free to use it at children’s birthday parties, family reunions, baptisms, etc.

4. “Would you vaccinate our future children?” This one just makes for really nice, totally-casual, not politically-loaded small talk.

5. “Here’s a link to some stupid opening lines that Cosmopolitan.com recommends. Which one is your least favorite?” Hey. This is really mean and you can eat trash.

6. “So, what’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?” Then ask if they want to set a new record.

7. “1v1 me in Mario Kart, scrub. Rainbow Road. Toad only.” This only works if you have access to some iteration of Mario Kart, or you are incredibly confident that they do.

8. “Pick a number between one and a billion.” It’d be crazy if they got it right. Or just pretend they did regardless.

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9. “Every guy has a nickname for his penis. What I want to know is what do you call your ass?” To be clear, most guys don't nickname their ass, but you can glean a lot from whatever the answer is.



10. “How many deviled eggs could you eat in one sitting?” This is a unique opening line, but also a great way to get rid of all the deviled eggs in your fridge if they’re willing to prove it.

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11. “Do you want to help me move?” Scenario 1: you’re moving and just got help. Scenario 2: you led with this for no reason but at least you know whether they’re the kind of person that would help you if you were moving.

12. “What do you think is my worst feature?” Everyone loves to throw compliments around on dating sites in the hopes of currying favor. Flip it around.

13. “WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR?” There’s no way this will end in anything other than polite and thoughtful discourse. Nope. No way.

14. “What’s your fetish?” This is also a great question to ask at the end of a job interview, when they ask if you have any questions.

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Frank Kobola Frank is a contributing writer for Cosmopolitan.com

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