Apologise to your aunt for arguing with her about a sexist remark she made. Refuse, and you don’t respect your elders.

And then there are even bigger tricks. Consider, for example, arranged marriages.

How many of your friends, even the economically independent ones, have agreed to spend their lives with complete strangers instead of questioning their elders when they say, “humari family mein aisa hi hota hai”?

So many of us grow up believing that this is how it must be; that only “badtameez bachche” argue, question, and protest. The good, sanskaari kids? They do as they're told, with parentally approved demureness.



There's nothing wrong, per se, with parental approval. In fact, I easily believe that our families do want the best for us.

And when we listen to their threadbare risk-averse advice, it often works out just fine.

The problem, though, arises when things take an irrational and authoritarian route. When we can spot ideological cracks in the instructions and expectations and values passed on to us, and instead of flagging concerns or asking questions, we swallow them in a swig of quiet obedience.

The dictum of blind, unquestioning respect is almost despotic. It is, in fact, turning us into a society that kinda sucks.

No, I’m not exaggerating.