8. A small team will be denied a heroic win against a big team by a controversial refereeing decision in the last five minutes.

9. Pundits will express regret that "exciting" African teams with "raw talent" are let down by "poor goalkeeping" and it will be dreadful.

10. A major star will get injured in training in the weeks before the tournament and everybody will obsess over whether they'll be fit in time.

11. They will end up playing, but will be rubbish.

12. The German team will be described as "not up to the standards of previous German sides" but will nonetheless make it to the semi-finals.

13. The Brazilian team will be described as "not up to the standards of previous Brazil sides" but will nonetheless make it to the semi-finals.

14. The Italian team will be described as… you get the idea.

15. There will be unnecessarily in-depth reporting about how hot it is.

16. Sepp Blatter will continue to look and act like Dr. Evil.