NEW YORK—Receiving a long round of applause from the captivated audience, local business analyst Jacob Hoff reportedly just crushed the presentation of an idea that will soon completely bankrupt his company, sources said Monday. “Wow, Jacob killed it big time,” said Hinter Capital CEO Marshall Webster of the half-hour slideshow outlining a five-point plan that will plunge the once-prestigious firm into massive debt and drag down its stock price by nearly 80 percent within weeks. “Everyone was just blown away, especially by his incredible idea [that will result in the company’s humiliating, highly publicized collapse and cost hundreds of people their livelihood].” At the urging of senior executives, Hoff was at press time preparing to make his mind-blowing presentation to the entire board of trustees.

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