My goodness! Who could have come up with a joke so cruel?

As I thought.

Hope you’re hungry for shade because Miss Regan is back and serving a hearty helping.

I’m back! Apologies for my four week absence, but life happened and I needed to have my energies focused there. Anywho, let’s get into it:

Format:

John Waters Musical– Had this not been like the 30th scripted challenge this season I would have been tickled, but it being the 30th made me feel fairly blase towards it. I’m honestly relieved I didn’t review this episode because Fame was the only one really giving me anything to work with. Luckily, for her section, it was plenty.

Dancing Challenge– I was surprised by how much I enjoyed watching this challenge, but honestly, the level of fatigue of the queens was completely distracting. More on that when we get to Katya.

Hello Kitty Ball– Thank Christ they did not have a musical number as part of the challenge this season. Like if I feel I’m needing a lukewarm musical number I can just wait until the next episode, kthx.

Final Music Video Challenge– She bring it to you every season; that’s why none of y’all gagging so! Also, Candis could not have seemed more over those four if she tried. She was like:

Anyway, let’s talk about some queens:

Miss Fame– She’s like the inverse of Dead Silence. Truly terrifying.

Although Fame did give way to this season’s simultaneous lipsync move:

Who says this season isn’t talented?

Also, can we talk about that pose Fame hit after the lipsync?

Tell me that’s not her channeling a nesting chicken. Like bitch was ready to go back to her coop:

Trixie Mattel– *Resumes carrying #JusticeforTrixie sign*

Because here’s the thing: Had she not been unfairly eliminated during Episode 4 I firmly believe she would have been Top 3. Hands down, no question. What’s even more ridiculous is that she literally missed every challenge where she would likely have excelled and probably even won considering the awards show, snatch game, and Hello Kitty ball were all, as Kandy would say, right on her alley.

Trixie is, to me, the most screwed over contestant in the history of the show thus far because she never got to really highlight her main strengths considering the episodes she was on were nearly all group/scripted challenges. But don’t worry, Trixie because at the end of the day, I still:

OH and one last thing, does the music at the end of Trixie’s elimination in Untucked (@21:58) not sound like the ending of fucking [Mrs. Doubtfire] (@2:25)?

Which works perfectly because both moments caused equal amounts of tearjerking.

Katya– Way to throw the talent out.

Seriously, Trixie aside, if I had any faith in anyone holding a candle to the success of previous winners of this show, it was with Katya and now getting through the last episode was like:

Honestly, for her sake, the screwed over fan-favorite queen probably will work better than the pressure of being the Next Drag Superstar considering her reaction to stress.

However, her reality tv demise at the hands of her own nerves calls in question, to me at least, the seclusion practices of the show considering how isolated they are if they’re not working and how I imagine that takes a toll on them. Like I get the idea, a lot of fights and breakdowns have to be fabricated if there’s no tension, but let’s be real: Spending the last four weeks hearing about how exhausted and stressed out the queens were every Untucked, while they had my sympathies, did not serve to entertain either.

Kennedy Davenport– Here’s the thing: I think she’s getting undeserved backlash for lasting as long as she did when it’s not her decision and it’s important to remember she is a quality entertainer worth going to see.

That being said, I think her lasting as long as she did is testament to the over-reliance of this season on scripts and group challenges considering Kennedy would likely have gone home much sooner had she been on her own in terms of making a product.

Lastly, I think her runway look this last episode was fantastic and by far my favorite of that episode’s runways.

Pearl– Seriously, I feel like after watching 12 episodes with her I would know a little more about her background and why she does drag, but honestly, the only thing I know is that she had a rough childhood which is being kept as vague as the reason why Alyssa Edwards was dethroned.

Which I think Untucked’s new format is partially to blame. Here’s the thing: The messages from home shit was mainly bullshit because it was always grasping to pull every tear out of those queens’ skull possible. Like bringing up things like Joslyn’s deceased cousin or Jiggly’s mom during the messages that are supposed to be supportive just made them emotional torture porn.

However, despite my calling for their removal last season, they can be an effective way to get the queens talking about where they come from. I mean they could probably be an acceptable part of Untucked again if we could just hold off on throwing a dead sister-in-law in the mix or a disfiguring accident or the tragic recent removal of Uncle Jim-Bob’s favorite testicle, Chester.

Moving on, so it’s apparent Pearl, much like Detox, has a lipsyncing crutch:

What’s going on here? Is she just really addicted to pullups? Was she a black mage in a previous life? Was part of her tragic childhood working in a factory where her job was to connect two pieces of piping?

Also, this may not be a popular opinion, but I think it would have benefited Pearl to go home earlier rather than make Top 3 considering the backlash that the Top 3 has been getting.

Like don’t get me wrong, I like her: She wears a lot of white, is aloof, likes to look like she has plastic surgery, and has a very frenemy relationship with a redhead which [I’m all about]. However, I think a little more mystique in having her go home sooner would have worked out better for her.

Oh and one last thing, for any of you who wondered what was going through the Ru’s head during the Ru/Pearl confrontation of Episode 5 you need to listen to Ru telling her side of it [Here].

Violet Chachki– I should probably watch what I say about her though considering she’s killed and she’ll kill again:

Honestly the most fucked up part about that scene that they didn’t show you is that Ru eulogized it- I’m sorry, Rulogized it. Take a look:

Which begs the question, yes she does weddings, but would she do funerals?

Like, “Mary, your coffin couture was drop dead gorgeous, but will it bring you back to life?” Or imagine her at the ER, “Jan, as an actress, you gave the performance of a lifetime but is this the curtain call?”

Ginger Minj– For the past few episodes, Ginger’s been having verbal diarrhea like:

However, here’s the thing: Given the limitation of the Top 3 and the fact that I like them all equally, I’m technically Team Ginger based on the fact that I do actually like her and I think she’s most qualified to actually do something with it.

At this point, I don’t envy whichever of these three gets the crown because it’s clear that this season already was going to struggle in the wake of the wild success that was Season 6 and even outside of that context it’s been a trying season in terms of entertainment value. I mean I’m not trying to twist Ginger’s tits in saying this:

Considering she’s already got that base covered.

But moreover, the crown isn’t just a crown anymore; you can’t just do a Tyra Sanchez and do a lipsync tour of the nightclubs of America. Winning now comes with the expectation of product to be released into the world: Sharon released an album, Jinkx had a theater show and an album, and Bianca had a standup show and a movie and on top of that their fellow contestants of their seasons who’ve also significant success. In comparison to these queens, its unfortunate and not entirely their fault, but the Season 7 Top 3 seems ill-equipped to match that sort of momentum.

Additionally, it’s clear to me that someone was robbed of the crown and I think we all know who should really get that crown:

And that’s all for this week, join me in two weeks for our final RuCap of the season! Maybe then we’ll find out what Pearl’s backstory is!