As the federal investigation into Russia's efforts to interfere in the 2016 presidential election—and the extent, if any, to which Donald Trump's people were involved in said efforts—plods steadily ahead, the only person who has consistently pooh-poohed the idea of Russian culpability more than Trump, perhaps, has been Vladimir Putin himself. Through a spokesman in December, Putin called such accusations "indecent," "groundless," and "unseemly," and since then has steadily denied that he has even the slightest idea what anyone is talking about—which makes his latest comments on the subject, if we're being honest, hilarious:

Shifting from his previous blanket denials, President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia said on Thursday that "patriotically minded" private Russian hackers could have been involved in cyberattacks last year to help the presidential campaign of Donald J. Trump.

This is amazing. "To be clear, I, a journalist-murdering, dissent-silencing, LGBT-purging autocrat, would never commission a calculated series of cyberattacks to try and destabilize a foreign adversary by ensuring the election of an easily manipulable television personality as their commander-in-chief. But if some computer whiz just loves Russia so much that he decides to do that all on his own, well, how could I, a person who possesses the Orwellian power to lawfully intercept all electronic communications in the country I control, have any knowledge of that?"

Raising the possibility of attacks by what he portrayed as free-spirited Russian patriots, Mr. Putin said that hackers "are like artists" who choose their targets depending how they feel "when they wake up in the morning."

"Ah, yes, who can understand the fickle allegiances of Russia's fabled amateur hacking community? Like Mozart on the keyboard and Michelangelo with a mouse, they are swept across the encrypted networks of the world by the untamed, ever-shifting winds of creative genius that an unimaginative Luddite like me could never begin to comprehend. How fortuitous that my fading petrostate happened to be the beneficiary this time!" [Strains mightily to prevent self from smirking.]

"If they are patriotically minded, they start making their contributions—which are right, from their point of view—to the fight against those who say bad things about Russia," he added.

This is like dialogue from a low-budget Godfather knock-off. "Well, maybe the guy who owed me all that money dangled himself from that 15th-floor balcony for a half-hour before accidentally plummeting to his tragic and untimely death. Who's to say?!"

It should be noted that Putin reiterated his assertion that no Russian state actors were behind any of the cyberattacks. Nonetheless, these comments represent a marked departure from his previous categorical denials that anyone from his country could have possibly been involved, and it's hard not to imagine him suppressing the powerful urge to giggle throughout the interview and then bursting into gales of uncontrollable laughter the moment he leaves the room. Look at this wide-eyed bewilderment:

"Russia never engages in activities of this kind, and we do not need it. It makes no sense for us to do such things. What for?"

When the Smithsonian National Museum of Internet Trolling inevitably opens its doors in 2025, Vladimir Putin deserves his own wing.

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