PHOTOGRAPH BY JUSTIN SULLIVAN / GETTY

MILWAUKEE (The Borowitz Report)—Arguing that the voters have tired of "gotcha questions," the Republican Presidential candidate Ben Carson said that he hoped Tuesday night’s debate would “focus on the real issues facing this country, like finding the lost city of Atlantis.”

"The American people don't want to hear personal attacks," Carson told reporters. "They want to know which candidate has the best plan for locating Atlantis and recovering its storied treasures."

Carson said that finding Atlantis was central to his plan for reviving the U.S. economy. "We could start paying down the national debt with one jewel-encrusted trident," he said.

As part of his continuing campaign against the mainstream media, Carson said that he would resist all attempts by debate moderators to get him to disclose his actual name and occupation.