These actors and comedians have no reason to be in such crazy shape



Muscles are important if you’re an athlete, soldier, super hero or nipple model, but if you’re a comedic actor or horror movie director, there’s no need for you to have six-pack abs and arms as big as grocery bags filled with cantaloupe. No, we’re not just saying this because we’re jealous. Here are the guys who have no earthly reason to be in such good shape. Eat a damn cupcake, jerks!



7. Charlie Sheen (From the Hot Shots days)

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Photo courtesy of 20 Century Fox | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012



His body has changed over the years, but we can never forget his Stallone-inspired body from Hot Shots: Part Deux. Sheen has since lost his muscles, probably by exhaling.



6. Jonathan Lipnikci



Photo courtesy of TriStar Pictures | Photo by Caliendo Photography | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012



“Do you know the human head weighs 8 lbs?” asked the former child star, as he lifted 50 human heads over his head. Perhaps Lipnicki is prepping for his role in Jerry Maguire 2: Raging Daddy Issues Galore!



5. Hank Azaria



Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012



The voice of Moe looks like McBane when he takes his shirt off. Hank the Tank is a funny guy, and can certainly make silly voices, but the only reason we can come up with for his ripped physique is that his hobby is eating only celery and fighting trees.



4. Joe Piscopo (During the ‘80s)



Photo courtesy of New World Pictures | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012



Once upon a time there was a scrawny comedian named Joe Piscopo, with a Jersey attitude and the eyes of Steve Buscemi. After a stint on SNL (1980-84), where he often impersonated Frank Sinatra, he started making movies. Four years later, while starring in the underrated zombie-cop flick Dead Heat, Joey P. had transformed himself into a beast. What’s he been up to since? He’s played three different characters on Law and Order and “Max’s Father” in this year’s Spring Break ‘83. See kids? Working out does pay off!



3. Eli Roth



Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012



When not making horror movies and being friends with Quentin Tarantino, Eli enjoys working out and telling people, “I know Quentin Tarantino!” The guy looks more like a bully than a movie geek. Does having muscles make one a better story teller? According to Hostel: Part 2, the answer is nope.



2. Ben Stiller



Photo courtesy of DreamWorks Pictures | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012



One day Ben Still will be walking on the beach when someone will cry out, “Help! I need someone to fight off this army of gang thugs, and then tell me a silly joke that my dad can inaccurately quote!” At which point it’s Ben “Hard Body” Stiller’s time to shine.



1. Carrot Top



Phtoto by Sara De Boer / Retna Ltd | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012



Come on! Come the fuck on! The prop comedian went from looking like the Wendy’s girl to looking like a Guillermo Del Toro monster. Maybe those trunks filled with props are really heavy. Or maybe he brushes his hair with gamma rays.