It starts with a shrug in her voice. The 38-year-old's first directorial venture, Romantic Target, failed to get attention, leave alone draw reviews. A Telugu gossip site claims the film was released earlier this year in one screen. Regardless, she doesn't take it badly – at least on the surface: "It ran for a week ma. That's fine. Films now run for 2-3 days," she says over the phone from Chennai.

If she'd had her way, the Malayalam Neelakurinji Poothu, not Romantic Target, would've been her first stint as filmmaker. But the 2013 project was shelved on the initial day of the shoot, because producer Jaffar Kanjirappally had insisted that she also act in it. "I wanted Nandita Das, but he insisted. I wouldn't give in, so we dropped it."

Kanjirappally had produced 19 of her films when she was one of the most sought-after actresses in Malayalam cinema. Her films had made him tremendous money, he'd declared, so why not have similar hopes from this one. It wasn't to be.

Today, Shakeela bides her time on the PlayStation and TV. Her autobiography Shakeela: Atmakatha, published in Malayalam in 2013, is being translated into Telugu, Tamil and Kannada. There are no plans for an English version yet, but excerpts crept into a handful of English publications. The story of India's 'softcore superstar', whose repertoire spans 110 films in several languages, had people riveted.

It still does, even in these days of internet porn – which the government sought to ban, then unban after the outcry that came their way. Given the context, one asks her what she makes of the situation. "I didn't even know about this," she exclaims. "But now that you mention it, it's just silly."

While the age-old debate about what constitutes obscenity continues around her, Shakeela says she is proud of her legacy. And why not? "I have absolutely no regrets, because I'm still the same in people's hearts and minds."

She's still referred to as 'softcore porn actress' and even 'porn actress' despite having enacted comic roles too. The label won't wear off, but she isn't complaining – save about people's ignorance of what constitutes porn.

"There's nothing pornographic about what I did. I never even wore a bikini because I'd look horrible. Can you imagine me in one?" she guffaws.

She's right. Sure, her appearances post the TV serial Nancy and her first big screen outing in 1994's Play Girls (in which she played Silk Smitha's younger sister) had men queuing up at nondescript theatres in Kerala to watch her make out with their kind. But she never appeared in the buff during the peak of her career. The scenes in which she appeared topless (from the back) actually featured body double Surayya Bhanu (who too has written a memoir, Dupe, in Tamil).

"The camera would never ride higher up than the thigh in her films," says cultural critic Dr Meena Pillai of the University of Kerala. "But in a repressive society, the onscreen Shakeela, being a woman of desire, became a figurehead for soft porn. And even 'soft porn' was considered hardcore." The actress, adds Pillai, was the first in Malayalam filmdom to have fan clubs devoted to her.

Kerala's golden run of 'softcore' – or as Shakeela prefers calling them, 'glamour films' – from the 1980s-early 2000s was presided by the Silk Smitha, Shakeela and Reshma triumvirate. Each of them had copycats, but Shakeela was in a league of her own, with homes ('Shakeela Manzil', 'Shakeela Palace') hooch, and an entire genre ('Shakeela film') named after her in Kerala.

Unlike the other two, she wasn't Rubenesque. Shakeela was heavyset, but didn't give a damn about it. She made being overweight sexy, and that was her USP. Never mind that her films had the standard template of her either bathing (always with a towel draped around her) or in bed with a man so crazed by her ubiquitous cleavage that his hands and mouth had nowhere else to go. Shakeela would oblige with (dubbed) moans of pleasure, driving her fans into a frenzy. In their fantasies, this was enough to make the woman of their dreams climax (sound familiar?).

"People actually ask if I enjoyed those scenes. My director-friend Mohanraj used to call me 'one-take' because I'd finish the scenes in a single take. Of course I wanted to. Otherwise I'd have the guy all over me again," laughs Shakeela, adding that she'd fall asleep during some takes. She's also puzzled with the cult status of her 2000 film Kinnarathumbikal. "I don't understand how it did well. Michael Jackson's Billy Jean was interspersed in that film! How did it become a hit?"

Murmurs about the likes of Mammootty and Mohanlal telling distributors to not release her films alongside theirs due to insecurity were common. Dr. Pillai goes a step further and says, "New wave Malayalam cinema achieved transnational fame, but Shakeela films kept Kerala's film industry alive." For example, Kinnarathumbikal, made on a budget of just Rs12 lakh at the time, reportedly had collections of Rs4 crore. All because it was a Shakeela flick.

Such cinema transcended geography and became the rage in other parts of the country, points out Venkat Babu Nagesh Karri, assistant professor at the Centre for the Study of Contemporary Culture, School of Media and Cultural Studies (TISS). "Shakeela's films were dubbed into other languages, and she in turn bore the burden of iconisation and resultant comparisons with other actresses. It's also unfair that this boldness thing became a descriptor for actresses. How come we don't say, 'Is this Khan/Kumar/Kapoor bolder than the other?'"

As the actress recounts in Shakeela: Atmakatha, she's had her share of troughs. Such as the time she was pimped by her mother to older men when just a teen. Or the time her older sister swindled her of the money she'd earned throughout her career. Shakeela's now going through a financial dry patch, and she also doesn't keep in touch with relatives – save for younger brother Saleem Khan. "I'd have committed suicide a long time ago if not for him," she says.

Has she overcome depression?

"I don't know. I don't even know what depression is, really. I've cut my hand sometimes…"

"Have you spoken to anyone about this? It's okay to seek help."

"Maybe," she ponders. "I'm thinking about it. But my family of 40 is my biggest consolation and helps me like no one can."

The 40 she refers to are transgenders, with whom Shakeela has had close ties for almost 20 years. This is her adopted family. Keerbamma, who adopted Shakeela as her daughter few years ago, is the mother she never had. Then there's Thangam, Shakeela's adopted daughter, who's lived with her five years running and is also her personal secretary.

Shakeela's success was a double-edged sword. She talks of the time filmmakers would sign her, only to cut-paste her love scenes in final prints. "I'd go to the theatre and suddenly see myself emerging from nowhere and going into the bedroom with a guy," she reminisces. "I could've pursued such matters further, but I needed the money. After all, this was my bread and butter."

Despite her tribulations, Shakeela does not view the exploitation she experienced as sandpaper to her career. It's important, she explains, to overthrow the moral-conditioned narrative of adult performers as "damaged goods", for it was her films that helped her overcome and become independent. "Doing anything for a living is not shameful," she stresses. "Besides, everyone's got their own talent. I never had a beautiful body, but I could fake orgasms on screen. That was my talent."

***

Shakeela faded out when internet porn, with its bouquet of something-for-everyone, appealed to people across generations. The consumption of hardcore adult films may have rendered 'blue films' obsolete, but look closely, and you'll realise that the legacy of Shakeela films have a trickle-down effect on today's desi porn.

Since porn filmmaking is illegal in India, the highly-unorganised industry has crude movies with zero production value. Mobile and/or home videos still follow the outline of Shakeela-reminiscent kissing, fondling and, not to mention, breast fixation. Terms like 'hot Mallu aunty', 'hot aunty' and 'hot bhabhi' remain some of the most searched-for porn terms in India, as documented in the Pornhub 2014 survey.

This may amount to some jumping of conclusions, but as Nagesh Karri says, particularly of the somewhat-related 'bhabhi' fixation: "The figure of the bhabhi was a pet obsession even in mainstream cinema. In the present era, when real-world families look nothing like the TV or filmi ones, there's a likelihood of this kind of obsession with the figure of the bhabhi."

***

Screen sensationIn 2002, Shakeela-starrer Kadambari was the target of activists from the Ayyankali Pada organisation, who took it upon themselves to rid Kerala of 'softcore films'. The group marched into Moovatupazha's Lata theatre, set off country bombs and burned the film reel of Kadambari, much to the horror of audiences, who had no choice but to flee.

Shakeela's top 6Raakkilikal (2000)Kinnara Thumbikal (2000)Vezhambal (2001)Driving School (2001)Kalluvaathukkal Kathreena (2001)Sandra (2004)The actress had a whopping 26 releases in 2001 alone.