(My parents and I are watching television and talking about nothing.)

Dad: “You know what day of the year most children are born?”

Me: “September 9?”

Dad: “Close. October 9.”

Mom: “Yeah, because if you rewind nine months, that’s around New Years Eve, right?”

Dad: “Right.”

Mom: *referring to me* “Well, in her case, I guess if you rewind nine months, it’s right around.”

Dad: “My birthday.”

(My parents laugh and I cringe.)

Mom: “You were your dad’s birthday present, just so you know.”

Me: “Oh my God. I’m going upstairs now.”