WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE. CHRIS MESSINA, NOW TWO YEARS OUT OF THE MATURATION CHAMBER, HAS GIFTED US WITH THE REBRANDING OF BOTH CULTURE FIT AND WORKAHOLISM INTO A SINGLE NEAT PACKAGE — THE FULL STACK EMPLOYEE

I WAS AT MY WITS END BUT HEY, THANKS FOR UNWINDING THE LAST FEW YEARS ATTEMPT TO SHIFT THE POWER DYNAMIC

IT IS SUPER APPRECIATED

NOW INSTEAD OF RUNNING THE GAUNTLET OF SEARCHING FOR COFOUNDERS OR EXECUTIVES, I CAN SIMPLY POUT (😐) AND TELL PEOPLE THEY’RE NOT BEING FULL STACK ENOUGH WHEN I PING THEM ON SLACK AT 3PM ON SATURDAY

(SIDE NOTE: EMOJI NOW COUNT AMONGST THE RICH TAPESTRY OF HIP COMPANY CULTURE — SPRINKLE LIBERALLY THROUGH YOUR MEMOS)

ARE YOU A RELENTLESSLY CHIRPY TWIT WHO HAPPILY KOWTOWS TO MY EVER SHIFTING WHIMS BECAUSE I HAVE GRANTED YOU THE PRIVILEGE OF REMOTE WORKING? I HAVE A PLACE FOR YOU

IT’S ALSO CONVENIENT THAT HE UNIRONICALLY LISTS BOTH “SOYLENT” (GRUEL) AND “MONOCHROMATIC WARDROBES” (UNIFORMS) AS SORT OF TRENDY OPTIMIZATIONS BY SMART PEOPLE RATHER THAN THE EERIE HARBINGERS OF ORWELLIAN AUTOCRACY THEY ARE

SHOUT OUT TO THE CLASSIC STOKING OF FEAR ABOUT BEING LEFT BEHIND SOME ARBITRARY SOCIOTECHNOLOGICAL CURVE DEFINED BY A BUNCH OF 35 YEAR OLD PETER PANS IN SAN FRANCISCO — THIS ONE HAS EXCELLENT CONVERSION RATES

BEWARE! DEATH STALKS YOU! INTEGRATE WITH SLACK OR PERISH FROM THE EARTH

HA HA. LOVE IT.