HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM OR MY SPOUSE IS AN INTIMACY ANOREXIC?

By Caralee Frederic, LCSW | Certified Gottman Therapist | Couples Workshop Presenter

The following questions are used to assess whether or not a person is an intimacy anorexic.

1. Would your spouse say that you stay so busy you have little time for him/her?

2. Would your spouse say that when there are problems, you blame him/her first before taking responsibility for your own part?

3. Would your spouse say that you withhold love from in the way he/she asked to be loved?

4. Would your spouse say that you withhold expressing praise or appreciation of him/her?

5. Would your spouse say that you withhold having sex with him/her or sabotage sexual encounters, or disconnect emotionally during sex?

6. Would your spouse say that you withhold sharing spiritual connectedness from him/her?

7. Would your spouse say that you are unwilling or unable to share feelings with him/her?

8. Would your spouse say that you have ongoing or ungrounded criticism of him/her which leads to distance in the relationship?

9. Would your spouse say that you use anger or silence to push away, punish or control him/her?

10. Would your spouse say that you control or shame him/her about money issues?

11. Would your spouse say that s/he feels more like a roommate than a lover?

Each “yes” answer is 1 point.

1-4 points: You may not be an intimacy anorexic, but if any of those points are bothering your spouse, then you should consider exploring them with a licensed therapist.

5+ points: You are most likely an intimacy anorexic.

Was this Blog helpful? If so, I highly recommend my couples weekend workshop: The Art and Science of Love, created by the Gottman Institute. Information and exercises are presented in an organized, cohesive manner. It’s a wonderful investment in your love life, and will truly strengthen your relationship!

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