These treats, while almost vintagy and prosaic in their ingredients, are so flavorful, crisp and delightful, and whoever tries one is always instantly transformed.

Lay crackers (as many as you want) face up on a cookie sheet. Scoop about 1 teaspoon of grated Parmesan cheese onto each cracker. Cut your package of bacon in half (or cut pieces individually) and carefully, so the cheese doesn’t fall off, wrap each cheese covered cracker in one half piece of bacon, completely covering the cracker. It should fit snugly around the cracker. Place the bacon wrapped crackers onto a baking sheet that has a rack on it. Place in a 250-degree oven for about 2 hours.

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Does anyone remember these lovely little numbers? Back in the early eighties, they were all the rage at suburban holiday get togethers. I know, because my parents had quite a few of those get togethers, and my mom served these all the time. And though she’d ordered me to stay upstairs and do my homework, when it was clear to me the adults were nice and sloshed on egg nog and settled in the living room, I’d sneak down to the kitchen, grab a huge handful of these little treats, and stuff them in the pocket of my Vanderbilts. Of course, they wouldn’t fit because the jeans were a tad on the snug side, but at least I had the coolest gold belt on my street. God, what I’d do for that belt right now. Then I’d sneak back upstairs and munch on the little delights and wind up not doing my English homework because I’d be too bloated after my little snack.

All this to say that these treats, while almost vintagy and prosaic in their ingredients, are so flavorful and delightful, whoever tries one is always instantly transformed. Case in point: my dad’s partner in orthopedic surgery. Always a serious and emotionally closed-off individual, he was especially that way with me during summers and Christmas breaks when I’d “work” at my dad’s office for a little extra spending money. And “work”, at the time, to me, anyway, usually meant making long distance calls to all my camp friends and raiding the supply closet for Ace Bandages and ointments I didn’t really need. My dad’s Doctor Friend really had no use for me—hardly ever gave me the time of day—until one day, one magical day when I brought these treats to the holiday office party and Dr. Emotionally Closed Off polished off about eighty of them.

“What ARE these?” he asked, moaning and groaning in delight.

I told him the ingredients, how to make them, and he kept on eating. Then the strangest thing happened: He smiled. Then, as I was leaving the office later that day with an offering of cookies from my dad’s secretary and a big stash of smuggled band-aids and gauze pads, Dr. Distant stopped me at the door. “Hey,” he said. “Thank you for bringing those appetizers. They made my whole day.”

So what I’m trying to tell you is this: Make these appetizers for someone you know who’s emotionally closed off. They’ll bridge gaps and promote world peace.



The Cast of Characters: Club Crackers, Thin-Sliced Bacon, Grated Parmesan Cheese. That’s it. Yes, I’m serious.









Begin by laying crackers on a cookie sheet, face up.









Who doesn’t love Club Crackers?









Now listen, folks. Don’t be hatin’. There was a time in our nation when Kraft Parmesan Cheese was widely used in all segments of society, and no one even thought about raising a stink about it. If you have freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano

on hand, by all means…use it. But for the rest of us, don’t hate. Appreciate!









And look—I chose the Parmesan/Romano blend, which elevates all of this to something higher.









Scoop about 1 teaspoon of cheese right out of the container…









It can be slightly heaping.









Now just spoon 1 teaspoon of cheese over each cracker.









Repeat on each cracker…









Until they’re all covered.









Now take your package of bacon…







It’s here that I determined this bacon was too thick to do the job right, so I transferred all the bacon to a large Ziploc bag and put it in the freezer for later. Luckily, I had some thin bacon in my fridge so I didn’t have to begin weeping.



Now it’s time to assemble! Wrap 1/2 piece of bacon around each cracker…









…Being careful to completely cover the cracker.









You want it to fit snugly, but don’t stretch it too tight as you wrap.









This is the INCORRECT way of wrapping the cracker. See the two exposed ends? Naughty, naughty, naughty.

















Place the little delights on a baking sheet with a rack…









And place the pan in a 250-degree oven for around 2 hours.









Here they are in the oven after 1 hour.









And here they are just after I removed them from the oven, at around 1 hour/45 minutes. Mmmmm…you should smell my kitchen right about now.









Oh, baby.









What I like to do with seventies-eighties appetizers like these is serve them on a sleek, modern tray. The juxtaposition makes me laugh. And giggle. And chuckle. And smile.









But then I sink my teeth into one of these suckers…and I stop laughing. They’re flavorful, crispy, and delicious. And the great thing about these is, you can make them way ahead of time, then store them in a large Ziploc in the freezer. Then, when you’re ready to serve them, just thaw and warm in the oven for about 10 minutes.

Now I admit, there’s really nothing nutritionally redemptive about these appetizers. The bacon fat seeps into both the cheese and the cracker, and they’re positively loaded with calories.

But it’s the holidays! Fat doesn’t count ’til January 1st. So enjoy!