These girls may be gone for now, but not forever. Every week The Bachelor Bro’s will lock themselves in a room, break down the film, and preview one of the top prospects for the upcoming season of Bachelor in Paradise. The D-League, Triple- A Baseball, College Football…none of these farm systems compare to the pool of prospects in every season of The Bachelor. It’s January, it’s cold, it’s windy, and we all can’t wait for summer Paradise…so let’s see what this year’s class has to offer. Just to be clear: The wilder, the more “fun”, the more severely bi-polar…the better.

This week’s prospect…

Amber

Draft Board Ranking: #4

Craziness Rating: 8.9

Wilt Chamberlian‘s Libido Rating: 7 (When it comes to getting a ring, “whatever it takes”)

40yd dash: 5.89s (Did you see that race with Mandi?!)

Bikini Bod Rating: 7.8

Weakness: Speed, Agility, and just general coordination…but thankfully none of that matters in Paradise.

Film Breakdown:

This next paragraph will be dedicated to making a case for Amber to come out of Bachelor franchise retirement for one more season. While you may be thinking: “Why would I want Amber on BIP again? She’s an annoying, obnoxious, emotional alcoholic who is more desperate for a ring than Dan Marino.” All of this is 100% true, BUT this is exactly why we need her on Bachelor in Paradise 3! The Bachelor and BIP are two very different sports. The Bachelor is football, and Amber sucks at football (like, really sucks), but BIP is basketball, and the film Amber put on tape in four weeks on Ben’s season was nothing short of 1st Team All-NBA. Picking fights with war veterans who have 4% body, reeking of desperation during your 1:1 time with Ben, and hysterically crying in the corner after your Final Rose Ceremony, are franchise player moves. Amber had a breakout season last year on BIP 2. In 2016, she’s on the wrong side of 30, fresh off another heart break, and just vulnerable enough to make anything possible in paradise. As a society, we were robbed of two years in Jordan’s prime while he played baseball…we can’t afford lose those same years with Amber.

Draft Prospect Ranking: #4

There’s something to be said for a known commodity. Back in the day all the best stayed 3-4 years…Michael, Magic, Larry were all upper classmen polished and ready to contribute immediately coming in to the league. Nowadays if you stay passed your freshman year their wondering what’s wrong with you, and if you stay until you’re a senior you’re basically going to retire in four years anyways so why invest? That all needs to change now with Amber. She’s that fifth year senior who feels like he’s been on Road to the Final Four since Greg Gumble was skinny, and while she may be a seasoned vet, she’s ready to contribute to a winning team now. Remember when Brandon Weeden entered the draft as a 28 year old senior QB, everyone thought he was too old, and now he’s leading a team to the Super…wait, that was a bad example. But you get my point. Amber is Shane Battier, Doug McDermott and Tyler Hansborough rolled in to one solid prospect (and if that doesn’t get you excited what does, right?!). She may not be your franchise player for the next 10 years, cuz you know, then she’d be 40. But Amber is a Bachelor in Paradise stallion, so if you’re Danny Ainge and the Celtics have the 8th pick, don’t pass on this beautiful asset.

In homage to Mike Mayock, the man who’s never come across a Division III fullback from Prairie-View A&M that he hasn’t evaluated…