Behind their ace, Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown, the Cubs cruised to an easy victory today over the lowly St. Louis Cardinals by the final score of 7-2, their fourth win in a row.

Naturally the win was good news for Cubs fans, but it was also a positive outing for Brown, who admitted his arm "felt dinky" over the course of the past week. Now I'm no doctor (and instead have an illustrious "Television & Radio" degree that's worth about as much as a cocktail napkin), but I'm going to go ahead and guess that Brown's arm hurt because he pitched about a billion innings this season and never gets a rest.

OK, maybe not a "billion" innings, but he did throw a whopping 312 innings in 1908. Compare that to the 2016 leader Max Scherzer, who currently has 197 with only a few starts to go in the season, so he blows him away for sure.

Now to be fair, we need to give a shout out to White Sox pitcher Big Ed Walsh, who leads the league in 1908 with a staggering 464 innings pitched. 464!!!!! He also went 40-15 on the year and had FORTY-TWO complete games. Amazing!

Mommy ... my elbow ... hurts ... SOOOO ... BAD!

Back to the Cubs ... they drew first blood in the top of the first when Johnny Evers laced a double and then scored on a Frank Chance single. This was Chance's first appearance in the lineup in about a week, having been sidelined a few games with what was being called "a charley horse." Chance went 3-4 in his return and added two RBIs.

He definitely had a much better day than Cards pitcher "Slim Jim" Baldwin, who was being hailed as a new "phenom" addition to the pitching staff. Unfortunately for Baldwin (who's real name was Orson BTW), he got pounded by the Cubs and was out of the game before even getting an out in the second inning. And so much for being a "phenom," since he finished the season with a 1-3 record and never sniffed the major leagues again. Sorry Orson!

Seriously, this was the best picture I could find. I think he might be a ghost.

Jimmy Slagle and Solly Hofman added two hits each for the Cubs, and it was a big day in particular for Hofman, who was born in St. Louis and played well in today's return home. The Cardinals managed to get a run in the 6th, but were already down 6-0 by then, so the result of this one was never really in doubt. Big Ed Konetchy added his second home run in as many days in the 9th, but didn't matter for much of anything in the 7-2 final.

Big Ed smash things

In other news ... Do you want sexy lips? Of course you do!

So here's your bad beauty advice of 1908 ... just rub some laxative all over your lips and they will be pouty and sexy in no time. Get to it ladies!!!

Yup ... today's Tribune advice suggests that every morning you paint you lips with a 50/50 blend of glycerine and rose water for "firm, red, and healthy looking" lips. Unfortunately for you, I'm not sure if you're going to be able to show off those lips to anyone unless they visit you in the bathroom, since glycerine also happens to be a very effective when you use it as a laxative. Yikes!

Now admittedly, glycerine is found in a lot of different things like toothpaste, mouthwash, and cough syrup, but it's also the main ingredient of ... drumroll please ... the at home enema!

But hey ... your lips will look awesome ... so it's ... um ... worth it or something?

In summary, the Cubs win sends them to 80-51 on the year. The Giants (again) won as well, so the lead (again) remains at two games over the Cubs. Game two of four with the Cardinals is tomorrow.