REVIEW

MASHANTUCKET, Conn. – For those who slow down to gawk at a traffic accident, the celebrity equivalent of a banged up Mercedes-Benz in a ditch occurred off Route 2 on Sunday night.

Charlie Sheen’s Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour slammed into the MGM Grand at Foxwoods shortly before 8:30 p.m. There were no serious injuries, save for the wallets of those who forked over up $150 to watch the former “Two and Half Men” star pace back and forth across the stage for 80 minutes and rant about drug use and the women who have crossed him in his life.

Unlike some previous stops where people walked out in droves or booed the 45-year-old actor, the MGM Grand crowd was far kinder with only a trickle of walk outs.

This allowed Sheen to proclaim the evening a grand success.

“We sold this place out in nine seconds,” he boasted of the 4,000-seat MGM Theater. Actually, the theater was not sold out and seats in the first 10 rows were available for sale less than five hours before show time.

“Do I seem troubled? Do I seem embattled?” Sheen asked the cheering throng. “You’re either in Sheen’s corner or you’re with the (expletive) trolls.”

Apparently not in Sheen’s corner is estranged wife Brooke Mueller. She was a frequent target of his jabs.

“This troll sent (California) Child Services to my house to steal my children from me in the middle of the night,” said Sheen, adding he was leaving for Los Angeles after the performance to regain custody of their two children.

Sheen spent the first part of the night throwing out now familiar catchphrases like “tiger blood” and “Adonis DNA,” rather than actual jokes or storytelling.

The often rowdy crowd included a few hecklers.

Less than 15 minutes into the night, one wise guy asked Sheen when the show was going to start.

“When does your (expletive) life start,” Sheen retorted. “People come here expecting something and I didn’t (expletive) advertise anything.”

Luckily for Sheen, he brought heavy artillery with him – insult comic Jeffrey Ross of Comedy Central fame.

Ross provided much needed humor in what was quickly shaping up to be an evening of celebrity narcissism.

“Greetings enablers,” Ross told the crowd. “Just when I thought Connecticut could not get any skankier, the Violent Torpedo of Truth tour comes.”

Ross took shots at Sheen’s history of drug abuse and his affairs with porn stars, but as he noted, “How do you roast a meltdown?”

Sheen smiled, smoked a cigarette and shook his head during the roasting.

Anyone thinking they were going to learn what makes Charlie Sheen tick left the MGM Grand disappointed.

He provided little details of what is going in his private life. He revealed that porn star “goddess” Bree Olson had taken off in the middle of the night.

He briefly mentioned getting support from actors Sean Penn and Mel Gibson, but steered clear of any mention of his “Two and a Half Men’ co-stars and producers, who he has attacked in the past.

He noted that it was the public insults of his bosses that cost him his $2 million an episode job at CBS.

But Sheen made it clear he wants those same producers to rehire him.

“I fully intend to go back. I am ready,” Sheen said.

But as Ross wryly noted, ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarack may have a better chance of getting his job back than Charlie Sheen.