Absent Friends

I’m a stayaway Blackburn Rovers fan

It’s nobody’s fault, my self-imposed ban

I go and watch them down the pub

But it doesn’t do me a lot of good

I’ve got a dislocated disk and a dodgy back

I’m allergic to rain and hail

When the spud pie hits I get epileptic fits

And I’m addicted to Thwaites Ale

I’ve got the beer belly woes, I can’t touch my toes

I can’t even reach my knees

And if the rain falls down from the sky

It starts to make me sneeze

I love my Rovers and hope they win

But sadly it’s plain to see

That someone’s got to go to Ewood Park

And that someone isn’t me

My mate’s got a season ticket

Only costs him £5 a week

A pack of fags or two pints of beer

Won’t make his wallet leak

So come on you Rovers and score a goal

Maybe score two, three or four

When you let me in for a fiver or less

I’ll be the first to go

But something’s got us buzzing

Rovers are in the hat

We might be going to Wembley

I’ll have some of that