Going up



Long shots Selfies are so over. Far better to task a minion with taking a photo of you from far away.

Tattoos Increase your employment prospects in America, appaz. Time to get inked.

Scroll freezing As in creating an end in your endless social media. An alpha way to grab back some of your focus.

Britain’s denim game About to improve as US jean brand Madewell comes to the UK, via John Lewis.

Idris Elba. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

PerfumeAdsForSale Twitter account that describes fragrance adverts as you have never heard them before. “Idris Elba’s eyes are eternal”; “Kristen Stewart does not like hands”, etc. Follow now.

Going down



The thinker pose Instead, it’s all about arm over the head. Contemplative and graceful. Win-win.

Olivia Pope Sure, she’s got it handled. But Scandal’s Mellie Grant owns the skirt suit, autumn’s biggest trend.

Discontinued product anxiety Even Kirsty Wark stockpiles Chanel No 19.

Women’s pockets Almost 10cm shallower than on men’s jeans on average. Rectify please.

Crocs has lost its ‘ugly shoe’ crown. Photograph: Alamy

Crocs Its “ugly shoe” crown has been stolen. Yeezy’s padded slipper is the new king of this category.

The great coat rush Is your chosen style sold out in your size? Will someone in your office already have it? The hysteria has begun.