OPTION A: Buy a FROZEN TURKEY.

• This needs to happen at least FIVE DAYS before the meal because it will take that long to thaw.

• A generic frozen turkey is the cheapest option and easy to find. But like, scary cheap, meaning, 16 lbs. for $32, and probably not totally ethically raised.

• Because it's frozen, you can get it weeks before your meal and keep it in the freezer, which is reassuring and nice.

• For a 16-lb. bird, take it out of a freezer and put it in the refrigerator Sunday night and it'll be thawed by Wednesday night. More thawing info here.

OPTION B: Order a FREE-RANGE ORGANIC TURKEY.

• This needs to happen two weeks before the meal to be safe because stores run out.

• You can get it from a local organic grocery store like Whole Foods, or your farmer's market, or order it online.

• Arrange to have it delivered or pick it up, fresh (not frozen), the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

• This will be more expensive ($100–$120 for a 16-lb. bird) but worth it.

Last-minute OPTION C: Buy a FRESH TURKEY from your local supermarket.

• This can happen no more than FOUR DAYS before the meal because it won't keep longer.

• This is a little risky, as the supermarket could be sold out. But if you have a huge Walmart in the area, you're probably safe.