Owning one costs next to nowt, and it's sort of true

In a surprising diktat directed at Britain's motoring writers, including the staff of DriveTribe, Ferrari's UK office has warned that buying and owning a new Ferrari doesn't really cost anything.

On the eve of the launch of the new Portofino, pictured above, Ferrari instructed its guests not to write that the Ferrari will cost a lot to run, 'because it's not true'. Since all new Ferraris come with a seven-year servicing package, improved fuel economy, and high residual values, 'running a Ferrari is not significantly more than your average family saloon'.

James May, of DriveTribe, said, 'At first I thought this was a load of prancing horse's arse, but then I thought a bit harder. My 458 is still worth as much as I paid for it, the servicing costs nothing, and because I'm too scared to drive it the fuel economy is unbelievable. It's actually a free car. I'm absolutely delighted.'

Phil Forecourt, the chairman of Dacia's UK importers, told DriveTribe, 'We were hoping Ferrari would't bring this up. But it's absolutely true. Why buy a Sandero? It's like throwing thousands of pounds down the drain. Buy this 600 horsepower convertible instead. Save your money.'

We rang Ferrari's UK head office for a comment, and a man said, 'That Angelina Jolie definitely fancies you. You're in there, fat man.'

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ferrari's calculations do not take into account the £166,180 required to buy a new Portofino in the first place.