Don’t Be An Air Travel Zombie

How to Travel Like a Rational Human Being

Original Image of Suvarnabhumi Airport by: Khaosaming CC BY-SA 3.0 Remixed by Lee LeFever.

Think for a moment, if you will, about what air travel could be.

Inside the air travel system, you and your fellow travelers are prepared, thoughtful and efficient. You optimize. And through small, conscious decisions, that trip home for the holidays becomes a little less dreadful.

I think it’s possible. But I need your help. Below you’ll find ways to travel like a rational human. I hope you’ll consider sharing.

The Problem: Traveling Zombies

Too many people walk through airports like zombies. The only time they come to life is when they are asked a question like “Boarding Pass?” Then they spring to life… and remember that it’s in the bottom of their backpack.

Then, a few minutes later, they stumble into a metal detector and set it off, twice. Then they stammer into the middle of a busy hallway to respond to a text message.

You’ve seen traveling zombies. Perhaps you’ve been one. It’s time to think differently.

The Solution: Less Friction

The real problem is what I call “friction”. Inside airports and airplanes, people are packed together — and with such close proximity comes friction. Here, small, thoughtless actions ripple through the system and slow it down.

For the system to work better, we have to restrain the travel zombie lurking inside of us. With a little effort, we can reduce friction and flow through the system with care.

How to Travel Like a Rational Human

Before You Leave Home

Zombies are terrible at anticipation. Rational humans plan.

Think Small. Large, heavy objects create more friction. Your goal is to be small and light. The secret to packing light is to select your baggage before your clothes. You will fill whatever bag you choose, so consciously pick a smaller-sized bag if you can.

Make Items Accessible. When you pack, remember that you will have to remove a few things at security. These may include your shoes, a bag of liquids and your computer. Reduce friction by preparing. Make sure these things are easy to access. Ditch the lace-up boots.

Be Prepared and Informed. Use the internet to check into your flight. You can print your boarding passes at home or have them sent to your smartphone up to 24 hours before departure. Use Google maps to check traffic before you leave home. Remember that holiday traffic is the worst.

Load the Car for a Quick Exit. If you take a vehicle to the airport, load it for a quick, frictionless exit. You don’t want to be the zombie that causes a traffic jam while you look for your headphones.

Be Invisible to All Senses. No one should notice your smell, perfumed or otherwise.

“How rational humans like you and me can make that trip home for the holidays a little less dreadful.” [Click to Tweet]

Arriving at the Airport

Zombies are selfish. Rational humans think of others.

Keep your Cool. Anxious, harried people add friction. Don’t be one. Arrive early enough to walk comfortably and confidently through the airport.

Choose the Best Drop-off. If you have a ride to the airport, remember that most airports have separate arrival and departure entrances. Pick whichever one has the least traffic. Many airports have webcams for checking traffic. Use them. Also, consider public transit.

Arriving at Security

Zombies do what they want. Rational humans know the rules and plan accordingly.

Prepare Your Belongings and Documents. You will only need two things in your hand for the entire security process: your ID and boarding pass. Put EVERYTHING else in your bag. Everything. This includes your wallet, phone, belt, keys, loose change, etc. Consolidate.

Related: U.S. travelers can apply for TSA Pre-Check, which offers a more efficient security line for “trusted travelers”.

Prepare for Metal Detection. As you approach the front of the line, ask yourself: Are your shoes, liquids and computers easily accessible? Are your pockets empty? Is your belt off? If not, get ready. When you get to the front, stay with your bags. It is your job to push them onto the conveyor belt.

Reassemble Elsewhere. The area at the end of the conveyor belt is high friction. Because you planned ahead, you can grab your bag, computer, and shoes and slip out unnoticed. Do not reassemble your entire travel world while standing at the conveyor belt with everyone else. That’s what zombies do.

“Don’t be an air travel zombie this Thanksgiving. Here’s how to travel like a rational human” [Click to Tweet]

Prior to Boarding

Zombies are slaves to their impulses. Rational humans consider the consequences of their actions.

Find Open Spaces. In the concourse, be aware that you (and/or your group) can create serious friction by becoming bottlenecks in crowded areas. If you need to have a conversation, respond to a text, etc., move out of busy hallways.

Use People Movers with Care. On escalators and moving walkways, there are usually two lanes: walking and standing. If you choose to stand, make sure that others can pass easily in the other lane.

Prepare Your In-Flight Belongings. Before you enter the plane, think about what you’ll need on the flight. This may be a book, computer, water, snacks, etc. Make those easily accessible. Take off your jacket before boarding. And in general, don’t wear puffy jackets or big hats on planes.

Boarding the Plane

Zombies are unaware of their size and how it impacts others. Rational humans work to reduce friction in tight spaces.

Become Long and Narrow. Airplane aisles are narrow and lined with sensitive human heads. Your job is to slip down the aisle like a train on a track. Do this by becoming more narrow. Remove your backpack and hold it, or other bags, in front or behind you at waist level. Keep your elbows in.

Sit Down Efficiently. Thanks to your amazing planning, you can throw your bag under the seat in front of you (or into the overhead bin) and sit down in one fell swoop with everything you need. On crowded flights, be respectful in using the overhead bin for multiple bags.

The Flight

Zombies are rude. Rational humans know how to be respectful in small spaces.

Know Your Seat Responsibilities. You are likely to sit in one of three types of standard seats: window, middle or aisle. A few rules for each:

Window — You get the view, but it comes with responsibility. On bright days, direct sunlight can impact others on the plane who are trying to watch a movie, sleep or use a computer. It is your responsibility to manage the shade for your row. Also, you get access to one armrest, which is by the window.

Middle — You drew the short straw. No one wants the middle. You can expect mindful row mates to cede the armrests to you. If the aisle seat goes to the restroom, it’s a good opportunity for you to go too.

Aisle — You have the most freedom, but no view. You only get the armrest on the aisle side.

Be as Silent as Possible. No other passengers should notice you unless they are interacting with you. This includes sounds. No one should ever hear:

Your (or your child’s) phone’s alerts, typing clicks or games’ laser beams

A conversation that does not include them

Movies, videos, music, etc.

Rational humans use headphones or earbuds for audio.

Be Kind. You will encounter rational humans who are creating friction. These may include parents of small children. Give them a break — they’re trying. Nothing is accomplished by showing your frustration. Put on your headphones and take a deep breath.

Move with Care. Due to the close quarters, your movements and actions in the plane are likely to impact others. A few things to consider:

There is typically a person in the seat in front of you. The back of their seat is not a hand rail. When you get up or sit down, try to avoid disturbing them by using their seat for support.

If you would like to recline, be aware that there is a person behind you. Do it slowly and consider at least a glance back to signal your intentions.

Be small. No man-spreading.

No one wants to smell your feet. Remove your shoes only if you can ensure that others will not notice.

Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze.

If you need to pass another person in the aisle, the best way is back-to-back.

Watch those elbows.

Arrival

Zombies love bells and alerts. They spring to action without thinking. Rational humans take their time and consider the needs of others.

What’s the Hurry? Once the plane reaches the gate and the seatbelt light goes off, many travelers jump to their feet and prepare their bags. And then they wait…and wait. You don’t have to be one of these people. In fact, you can choose to wait until the plane empties to disembark. That’s low friction.

Exit With Care. If the arrivals gate is busy, arrange to be picked up at departures. Then, get in the car and go. There will be time for hugs and kisses later.

Summary

Air travel sometimes feels like a broken system. And sometimes it certainly is. But too often, the source of frustration isn’t the system as much as the zombified travelers passing through it.

I think it CAN be better and I invite you to travel with more awareness and thoughtfulness. Fight the friction, find the flow and maybe, arrive with a smile.