Breathe in… exhale… breathe in… exhale…

Now, un-clinch your wringing hands, clap in time, and say it with me: “We love you Arsenal, we do. We love you Arsenal, we do. We love you Arsenal, we do, ohhh Arsenal we love you!” Repeat until you stop worrying about the season ahead.

I love Arsenal and I do trust Arsene Wenger. Maybe I can have this faith because I never played Football Manager, I don’t play Dungeons and Dragons for football fans (fantasy football), and I don’t play any sports on my computers. Those games are *ahem* simulations, folks. In real life, Arsene Wenger is arguably the most successful manager Arsenal have ever had.

Moreover, there’s this voyeuristic quality to Arsenal fans right now. We look at what every other team is doing and want to compare ourselves to them. That’s unhealthy and only invites a fat tick like Usmanov to jump on board, satisfy your desire to be like Chelsea for a few years while slowly draining the blood from the team.

And to what end? Chelsea have spent something like £800m in order to win 3 real trophies. Last season, in fact, they won exactly the same number of trophies that Arsenal won: ZERO. They have the highest wage bill of any team in the world, they pay ridiculous transfer fees to get players in, they sit those players on the bench to rot, they take huge losses when re-selling, and they have the world’s most classless fans. Is that the kind of team you really want to support?

It’s telling that Jose Mourinho was so desperate for kudos that he counted Milk Cups and Charity Shields when he held up his infamous “6 finger salute” to Roman Abramovich. He had to, everyone, everywhere knows that £800m Milk Cups don’t make you a big club. It’s a truly sad day when you have the likes of John Terry and Frank Lampard beating up teenagers and taking their Milk money then celebrating as if they had just won the Champions League. Honestly, why shouldn’t they celebrate like that? They’ll never win the Champions League, so I guess, like Tottenham, the best they can manage is to win a 5 game tournament against 3rd division teams and Arsenal’s youth team. No, Chelsea will always be the second best club in London.

Same too with Manchester City. They can buy all the Robinho’s in the world, they will always be the second best team in Manchester. Their new owner is so out of touch he believes that they will be in the Champions League next season. How? By finishing 4th? No. Fucking. Way. They have a better shot at winning the FA Cup than finishing 4th. But of course he thinks that, what does he know about football? He’s an oil guy, a guy who buys property, and Manchester City is now one of his properties. A toy for him to play around with. Tellingly, Al-Fahim has said “I’m the new Abramovich” which means “I’m here to meddle in this thing you all call ‘football’ and see if I can’t buy myself a Champions League trophy.” Well, like Abramovich he’s got a harsh lesson coming; you cannot buy respect or success.

Finally, who cares if Bobblekopf went to Man U? It’s another £30m that the club cannot afford, that they had to spend to keep their prawn sandwich fans with their unrealistic expectations in line, and that Tottenham will probably never see. The player himself is a tremendous talent but a horrible teammate. I can’t wait to see him dress down Ronaldo. Oh, it will happen, mark my words.

No, I’d rather have Arsene Wenger and Arsenal FC. The only thing I have to overcome to fully support this team is my own ego. My ego tells me that I might know better than Arsene and thus second guess why he didn’t land Alonso. My ego tells me that I know better than he does when it comes to Eboue, Vela, Nasri, or any others on the team. It’s my ego, and I suggest, your ego that needs to be put to bed. This is the team we have, this is the manager we have, these are the owners we have, and you are the fans. Get behind the team or go support Chelsea: London’s second best football team.

“We love you Arsenal, we do…”

P.S. Kevin Keegan has reportedly tucked tail between his legs and ducked out of the Newcastle spotlight for the second time. I believe I called it two days ago: relegation is looming now for Newcastle.