Los Angeles, CA – Calling the report “completely mystifying”, social media manager Tracy Alvarez was stunned to find out that she only spends 22 hours each day staring at a screen, somehow wasting two hours not checking Instagram, not playing Words With Friends, not buying something on Amazon, and not commenting on Buzzfeed articles rounding up the most brilliant Tweets of the week. Alvarez thought that she had achieved perfect daily screen time after she began streaming The Office on Netflix while going to bed and waking up every 88 minutes to confirm that she is is still watching the program.

Clearly upset by the news, Alvarez has spent the past day questioning these two hours went unaccounted for while streaming the entire scene on Instagram Live.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Alvarez told her 12 viewers. “Not only do I take photos of every meal, I go into the kitchen and video the cooking staff while they prepare it. I don’t even look out the window while I drive, I only stare at the arrow in Apple Maps and brake when traffic is red. One of the greatest days of my life was when Apple announced that the iPhone would be waterproof. I lost three previous iPhones trying to tweet in the shower.

“Funny story: two of those tweets were telling Apple to make the phone waterproof.”

Despite the setback, Alvarez remains more committed than ever to never spend a passing moment, either conscious or unconscious, without looking at some sort of screen. Based on her own estimates, Alvarez is confident that her screen-time is 100% constant throughout the day, and she expects Apple’s tracking to reflect that in an update.

“If anything, I spend so much time on at least three devices at once that I should average at least 50 hours of screen time each day.”

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