ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

FROM NEXT YEAR, meandering through the streets of downtown Sydney at your own leisurely pace could land you in the grave.

In a trial program supervised by the NSW Productivity Commission, Premier Mike Baird announced this morning at the opening of the Wynyard pedestrian tunnel, that people who ‘annoy’ others by walking slowly down a footpath run the risk of having their head turned inside out by a sniper’s bullet.

The lifeless corpse will be left in the street to warn others of the fate that befalls them should they become spatially unaware of others. Family members are encouraged to retrieve the body once the smell becomes too pungent for the surrounding businesses to put up with.

“It’s a government initiative that we feel all Sydneysiders can get behind,” said a spokesman.

“We’ll be using a plastic-tip .300 Winchester Magnum round, it’s very humane. However, should we need to take a second shot, for example, if we skim a man’s throat and he’s writhing around on the footpath in a pool of his own blood, there is a capacity to do that,”

“These measures will save the NSW economy $4bn over the next decade, should this program go ahead.” he explained.

According to a government-funded study, slow walkers cost the local economy billions of dollars a year in lost productivity – something that needs to be rectified.

More to come.