1. The Summary: JGTTMD!

You can also add images of your ‘work’ here, however I recommend that you think of this area as an extension of your MySpace from high school and utilize it as a free backup cloud storage for your important photographs. This strategy has proven quite fruitful in my experience and it is far better than Flickr.

This is your cover letter right here, and we all know that nobody reads cover letters except to scan them quickly for words like ‘Google’ and ‘Facebook’. So… Just Get To The Metal, Dummy! And… Keep It Short, Stupid! Make sure that you use the caps lock library as it makes the text more attention grabbing and adds a certain level of ‘pop’ which is exactly what employers and clients are hungry for.

2. Endorsements Can Be For A N Y T H I N G

As you can see, I am a bit rusty working with foundries, but people generally agree that I hack jQuery and Node pretty frigging close to the metal.

Do I know Ruby on Rails? Of course I do! Would you put ‘excels at google docs spreadsheets’ on your resume? NO! Just get to the point. Are you more forge-driven or mold-driven? Are you a strict metal-first hacker or are you flexible as to your working-distance from the metal? These are the things you should be highlighting and soliciting endorsements for.

3. Use Semantic Categorization

While I am fluent in many computer speaks, here I am trying to emphasize my passion for hacking on the bleeding edge of the metal that has come to be known as ‘the open web’.

Some social networks forbid you from listing Rails or Node as a language on your profile, but not here! LinkedIn will accept literally any form of input anywhere on their site. That is just their level of commitment to their users.

4. Be Liberal in Your Definition of ‘Experience’

Do not be brash and list yourself as CEO or ‘co-founder’ of your fake startup. That is disgusting and is the type of behavior that should be kept to AngelsList***.

I do not think that this is a crime… but if it is a crime then I think that Weird Al Yankovich is committing the exact same crime and at least I will be in good company at Gitmo.

5. Show Off Your Hobbies Too!

In my free time, I hack even closer to the metal than the HR department at my work will allow. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, please do not tell them.

You should take care to spice up your profile so that it reflects your personality. Here I demonstrate my desire to get as close to the metal as possible in all aspects of my work-life balance.

I also state that I am not looking for a job. That is very important. If you put this line on your LinkedIn, recruiters will thirst for you.

Why?

‘Not looking for work’ says ‘I work somewhere that gives me interesting problems to solve and pays me well’ which means ‘I am good at code’. In my case I really do not want to hear from recruiters, but that is one of the sacrifices we all make in building our personal brands!