Sorry it has been so long since the last story, I have two small children and by the end of a typical day I don’t have much headspace for creative thought. I want to get back into it though so I dedicated a short block of time to get something out there. Hope you like it, let me know what you think.

“Man, I remember a hidden track on a Tool CD that I used to listen to, let me see if I can pull it up… Here it is, listen to this.”



And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber.

And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself.

And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own Midwest.

And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil.

One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possessed me then



And I begged, “Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?”



And the angel said unto me, “These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!

You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust.”



And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared,

“Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you!

Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!”

“That concept always stuck with me, you know? We know that animals have a consciousness, but we still eat cow, pigs and chickens. We just give it different names so that we don’t feel as bad and associate what we are eating with the animal it once was. We call our food Poultry, Pork, Beef, Venison even Mutton, you wouldn’t call an adult sheep a mutton.”

“What are you talking about man?”

“Then we have vegetarians, sure they all do it for different reasons but a large portion don’t eat meat because it means killing animals.”

“Dude, are you going somewhere with this rant?”

“Vegans, they won’t even eat the by-product of an animal due the amount of cruelty the animal often goes through.”

“Why are you talking about vegans?”

“We didn’t know man. How could we have known?! I mean, when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense, but who thinks about this sort of thing?”

“You need to start making some sense pretty soon pal, this little rant of yours is crossing the line into annoying. It isn’t a long trip from annoying to angering.”

“Fine. OK. Do you know what I do for a living?”

“You work with plants?”

“… I am a Botanist, it’s like a Biologist but I specialize in plants. Specifically, I have spent my life working on gauging plant’s reactions to their environment.”

“Is that like that thing where they play classical music to some plants and heavy metal to others and see if they grow differently?”

“… Sure… Something like that. Look, it gets a little more complicated but I won’t go too deep into that, that isn’t the focus here. I stumbled onto something, something big, something that the whole world needs to know about but I have no idea how to convince them.”

“Ok man, First thing, settle down. An important step towards being convincing is not acting like a raving lunatic. How about this, how about you convince me?”

“Convince you?”

“Well, I still don’t know what we are talking about, I fix computers for a living and know basically nothing about plants. We have known eachother for a couple years but that is mostly because hang out at the same bar. I am the perfect person to practice on, convince me.”

“…OK, let’s do it. So let me describe some character…”

“Wait! I am going to need another beer first.”

“…”

“K, shoot.”

“You’re ready?”

“Yeah man, I am all ears.”

“Here we go. I will describe a set of characteristics for an organism and let you define it. Imagine something that consumes nutrients and water and excretes waste as long as it is kept safe and warm. Something that grows larger when conditions are ideal and adapts and reacts when that balance is off. Something that expands and replicates to fill the space allotted to it. Something that can adapt to its environment and create defense mechanisms to protect itself from predators. Something with preferences and desires that it seeks out. Now imagine that this organism can live in communities and get along with other organism and thrive, but put it together with incompatible organisms and they will fight for resources, until the victor has spread into the defeated enemy’s land. Do you have a picture in your head? Tell me about the organism that you mentally painted while hearing that.”

“That just sounds like life man. That could be a wolf or a spider or a human being.”

“I was describing a blackberry plant”

“What!?”

“Do you know what consciousness is? It is more often defined by philosophers and religious leaders than scientists but there is a common scientific understanding. Picture an apple in your head, now let’s compare that to how a digital camera processes a picture of that same apple.

The camera analyses what it sees, pixel by pixel and does its best to create a perfect copy of every fleck of colour it saw. There are some cool software tricks that we can use like facial recognition but for the most part the camera has no idea what it just took a picture of.

You on the other hand, picturing that apple in your head. Sure you can see a similar image of the apple but there is a lot more to it. You can likely imagine what the apple tastes like and your brain associates that apple with sustenance. You see it as food and as such there is an emotional and primal response in your body to the apple. You see information and then you react accordingly.

That is what separates a conscious being from an unconscious machine.”

“This is getting really deep for bar talk, man.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but this is important. We accept that a lioness will look at a zebra and recognize it as more than simply a black and white horse. She sees food for her pride, she recognizes that food source as pivotal to survival so she risks expending a considerable amount of energy to achieve that food. For this we respect lions and recognize them as conscious living creatures, right?”

“I mean, sure.”

“So why not a sunflower turning to follow the sunlight? Is that not expended energy and movement because the plant recognized the sun as a food source and hunted it down in its own way? But we don’t look at a flower and call it a conscious creature.”

“You’re not suggesting…”

“Yes, I am.”

“But surely…”

“Nope.”

“So you mean…”

“Allow me to explain if I may. Consciousness is a very difficult thing to prove, even in our fellow humans. There is a fairly selfish thought process, shared by some people, that causes them to think they are the only one with a true consciousness and everyone around them is simply, set dressings. The whole world exists only as a playground or stage for them to experience. Those people have trouble believing that other humans have conscious thought. They are on the extreme but they exist.

Most people accept that all humans are conscious being sharing the planet. The next step is to understand that animals have a consciousness as well. Easy to accept for your domestic dog or cat but a much harder pill to swallow when you think about livestock. This is one of reasons many people turn to vegetarianism.

Even then animals are broken into classes. A huge portion of catch-and-release fishermen firmly believe that fish don’t feel pain, so it is no problem when you jab them with a hook and pull them out of their environment for sport. There is, of course, no evidence to support this claim.

We have a harder time understanding life that looks less like us. On the small scale this can be white people not sympathising with people in the middle-east due to skin colour and religion, but let’s stick to animals and plants. We are more than happy to eat cows since we appear quite different than cows but there are still many similarities. Four limbs and a similar spine supporting a main torso, separated head with two ears, two eyes, two nostrils and a mouth. Sure they have four stomachs but you can’t see that on the outside.”

“Where are you going with all of this?”

“OK, plants don’t look like us. Trees don’t have knees, a flower doesn’t have eyes, a blackberry plant doesn’t have a mouth. Therefore we don’t sympathize with them or think about them as animals or having consciousness or feelings. The fact that we don’t think about it does not automatically mean that it is true.”

“Wow, I am going to need several more beers won’t I? Do you want something?”

“Whiskey please, I could use some whiskey”

“Coming up.”

…

“So what I was saying is…”

“Wait, before we go on, I want to ask a question. Are you suggesting that all plant life, every tree and blade of grass, is a living, thinking, potentially emotionally complex organism? That a carrot feels fear as the farmer pulls it from the ground?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I am saying.”

…

“That is fucked up man.”

“Don’t you think I know that? I have spent the last two years of my life trying to disprove this theory. You see, usually a scientist tries to remain neutral and unbiased and simply observe and record the findings. Once this idea dawned on me I dedicated my life to proving it wrong. I have failed. Every test and experiment I have run suggests that not only are plants very capable of independent thought, but they seem to communicate to each other. Some plants get along with others and some fight and overtake land and resources from their enemies, almost like they have personality conflicts.

Weeds are simply opportunistic assholes that starve less robuste plants and choke the life out of them to gain ground.

Not all plants are as capable of direct action but look at the infamous venus fly trap; there is no doubt that it has the power to act and move to consume prey. Venus Fly Trap is the most famous of over 750 species of carnivorous plants. It may be easier to start by explaining the consciousness of plants like these.

Scientifically however, there is no real difference in consciousness between them and a blade of grass. The difference is simply that the blade of grass lacks the ability to move and react in a way humans can perceive.”

“…You can’t tell people this.”

“What do you mean?”

“Despite massive evidence and 98% of climate scientists lobbying the public there is still a large swathe of the population that doesn’t believe in climate change. You can’t take that same group of people and tell them… not to step on grass for fear of crushing plants that feel pain.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“…Ok, I won’t profess to know what you should do. That is… fucked. But, I will offer advice on what you should not do. Do not hold a big press conference or publish a paper that shares this revelation with the public. Maybe this is something you can get together with fellow botanists on and get a profession wide consensus moving forward.”

“They won’t do it.”

“Why?!”

“There is not a lot of money in botany, it can be hard to get research grants and even then they are usually contingent on you discovering something that can be leveraged commercially. A new product or drug or something that can be sold to get a return on investment. Typically botanists are either chasing a goal to justify their funding or trying to get a new research contract. Coming forward with culture changing news that is… inconvenient at best, would be career suicide.

Look at climate science as an example. While it is true that 98% of climatologists have clear evidence of human-caused climate change, that means that people can still turn to the 2% of scientists that support not changing their way of life. If there is an option to not change, people will always choose that. I would be amazed if I found a few allies in this venture, I would never come close to the 98% that climatologists accomplished.”

“Then you have a choice between two courses of action. One: you come out with this information and share your findings with the world and be prepared to commit, career suicide, as you said. Two: bury it, forget the last two years of your life and move on to something else. Share your findings with no one.”

“…I don’t know if I can ever go back from knowing what I know now, but I don’t have the stamina or financial well-being to endure that kind of fight. There is no way I can weather a storm like that on my own. W-What do I do?”

…

“Maybe I can help. I am a computer and tech guy, whatever, not important. Maybe there is a way you can put the information out there for people to see and follow-up on, without burning your name and becoming a pariah. Do you have lots of data from your work? Journals, notes, pictures and video, something we can share.”

“Sure, but it is a jumbled mess.”

“Then clean it up and bring it all to me. I will digitize it and get your fingerprints off things, then build you an anonymous website. A place you can spread the word without the need for a face or name to stand behind it. Let the people decide what should be done with this information.”

“What should we call it?”

“Something like this, it might be best to hit the nail on the head. PlantsHaveAConsciousness.com. I will get to work on the site if you will prepare the data.”

“Hey, thank you for listening, I was beginning to think I had gone crazy, I have spent too much time around plants lately. I… I kind of lost touch with humanity.”

“My pleasure, have a good night.”

…

Watching his pub friend leave to gather his notes, phil pulls out his phone and starts a call.

“Director, you were right. He knows.”