It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!

BTS – Interlude: Shadow

I forgot about this song when it came out, probably because it’s BTS and they’re always releasing some dull thing. However it’s actually reasonable, starting off with a feel similar to Hyomin’s “Sketch” before twisting into something else entirely. I’m sure that both of the BTS fans who actually still read my writing will appreciate that I didn’t hate this.

Kiara – Boss

Started off promising but that transition to the big brass riff doesn’t suit it. Could have been great with a proper chorus.

High Tension – High Mode

Finally this group release a song where I can actually hear the guitar as well as see it. Now they just gotta turn the Autotune down a notch and we good.

Paul Kim, Chungha – Loveship

This week on the livestream I didn’t even bother checking out videos for roundup like I usually do. Aren’t you glad I didn’t make you sit through this one.

Bandgirin – Beautiful Days

These ultra-nugu pop-rockers aren’t too bad actually.

Dynamic Duo, Chen – You

Really, what is happening with Dynamic Duo. Stop being so weak, please – we all know you can do better than this.

Standing Egg – I Know What Is The Love After Broke Up

This is rather boring typical ballad stuff that Standing Egg (and everyone else) does at least 70% of the time.

Bobby – Rest Your Bones

I think the songwriters was the one resting their bones on this one.

Bobby & Ju-ne – Deep Night

This “subunit” or whatever isn’t as bad because at least it’s not that trendy bullshit sound but once again there’s not much of a song happening.

mq x Loey – Slow Walk

Hey why are these people I’ve never heard of having half a million views… oh right, Chanyeol’s in it. Just as well for them I guess or nobody would click this twice.

Gracy – Onlynowthink

This is better than that other song of hers I looked at the other week, but wow looking at her sure makes me uncomfortable.

Gracy – Nobody Knows

By the way this sort of distance from the microphone is actually quite normal for recording with sensitive studio condensor mics.

twlv – California

K-pop video companies need to bow down and thank The Impossible Project right now, for keeping their k-pop sex video dreams alive.

Kanto – Out Of The Blue

I love this video when it pans out at the one minute mark and there’s four people dancing to the music, completely in shadow. They clearly feel guilty for enjoying this crap and requested anonymity and the darkest tunnel possible to work their moves.

Han Soon-jung – It’s My Life

Why is this song called “It’s My Life” basically a montage of old, dead things. I think they’re trying to tell us something.

Jihn – A Stranger’s Diary

Not awful, but wow the video is boring. Walk around random places with a blurry handicam for half an hour, edit it down, that’s a wrap apparently.

Baek A – Time Slip

This AKMU Suhyun lookalike I’ve never heard of has probably the best use of the Canon In D chords I’ve ever heard in k-pop, which is boldly recorded with no Autotune at all, exceptionally rare for any popular music now. Bonus points for a Squier bass, fuck paying extra money for the Fender name, Fender and Squier sounds pretty much the same, seriously.

Paradise – Fate

It’s so sad that people train for years to make their voices sound this cheesy and cringe.

Trevery – Intro

I own that exact same Vox amp as seen in the video (AC15), so this fairly nothingy instrumental which is obviously an album intro for something completely different still gets points.

Crush – Ibiza

This sound sounds as dull and confused as this video looks.

Wooki – Evil Mode

After that immense warning about seizures I was treated to an alley where nothing happens except a bit of lights and smoke. Somewhat of a letdown. Still the track is okay, the sort of thing that k-pop boy groups ruin by singing crap pentatonic melodies over the top.

May & Seok – A Little Prince

Fuck, all this bitch does is go to other countries so she can wave at the camera. You could have used a green screen and reduced your carbon footprint considerably. As for the music, it’s fitting that she shows herself at U2, Coldplay and David Guetta gigs because that’s like the trifecta of blandness and aptly prepares you for the music here.

Maeng Seo Ryeong ft. HwangBo JongTae – Stella by Starlight

Two people prove that they can play better than you, and that’s about all that happens.

Sia – Declaration Of Independence Of Korea

Sia are like “hey M.O.N.T, we see you memorising the precipitation and average humidity of Dokdo island, we’ll raise you some traditional Korean instruments”.

Punch & Chanyeol – Go Away Go Away

OSTs generally aren’t eligible for roundup but I thought I’d put it here just because last time these two got together for an OST the results were actually quite good. This song isn’t quite as good as it’s just the same thing around and around, plus I feel ripped off by no Punch in the video. I don’t want to see excerpts from some drama I don’t care about and will never watch cheers.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Refinery29 – Tiffany Young drinks gross shots while singing

“The grosser the shot, the easier the question”. Don’t get your hopes up, they don’t ask her anything all that interesting, opting for pretty disgusting drinks and the typical “what’s your favourite colour” type questions that all k-pop interviews are like (except mine). I would have made all the drinks smooth like Baileys and chocolate milk and made the questions shit like “how many current and ex Girls’ Generation members have jawshaves”, “do you regret cutting loose SM’s songwriters given that none of your post-SM stuff is as good as ‘I Just Wanna Dance‘”, and “who designed that stage outfit and what Kpopalypse fap award are they going for because I think they just won it”. There’s not even any alcohol in any of these fucking drinks, probably because someone was afraid she’d get a little tipsy and let slip out how she really feels about Jessica. How weak. Still, this video is on par with the Korean slang one for sheer visuals so I can’t complain too hard.

That’s all for this week’s roundup! Kpopalypse roundup will return next week with more new songs!