Previously on Glee: The Spanish Teacher

Story

After everyone’s favorite Mob Princess (didn’t hear that from me), Sugar Motta, gives the New Directions a hefty donation to cover the cost for Regionals the fun begins! Artie and Rory compete over who gets to take Sugar to her Valentine’s Day party. Rachel and Finn tell everyone about their marriage plans, including Rachel’s dads! The “God Squad” welcomes a new member and student.

Foreign Exchange Policy: Initially – for like three seconds – I thought Rory was genuine about being sent back toIreland after the school year was over then I remembered I’m not the one with a four-leaf clover in my pocket. Worse things have been done in the attempt to get “the girl”. Of course we don’t know how Sugar will react when she finds out the truth but that may just get lost in the summer like Sam and Mercedes’ relationship.

Poor Artie: Artie has always been my favorite member of the New Directions and it pains me to see him so lonely. Each of his former girlfriends are in happy relationships…and he has to sit four feet away from their respective PDA everyday. Now that Sugar is smitten with Rory who knows if he’ll get another chance at teenage love. Also, how did he rig that mechanisms OVER Sugar’s locker?! But lastly, Team Artie misses you Brittany S. Pierce…

“Straight to the Teenage Lovemaking” Never have I seen a couple so excited to crash into a brick wall like Rachel and Finn. Yes, they are the beautiful high school love story. Yes, they are complete opposites – which makes it all that much more endearing. Yes, Jeff Goldblum and Mike O’Malley are your fathers. But I just feel they are destined for destruction when they leave Lima. Daddy Goldblum’s words to live by: “Honesty. Respect. Dance.”

“Jesus” Joe: Now that three of the four winners of The Glee Project have made their debuts I have to say I am impressed with the overall performances. Of course the sample size for Joe (Samuel Larsen) is still small but I can see him being a main character in seasons to come. McKinley has the most intermittent religious/celibacy groups in high school history but I’m sure his talents will be less sideshow by the time Nationals rolls around.

Morals Matter: After all the back and forth with Sam, Mercedes, and Shane it seems that we have a conclusion. I was hoping that we got a glimpse of “Samcedes” but, I figure, if it hasn’t happened by now then it never will. On another note, I didn’t watch the Grammy’s or see any tribute to Whitney Houston for that matter but I’m sure Mercedes’ rendition of “I Will Always Love You” was among the best.

Music

In the loving spirit of Valentine’s Day, all the performances automatically started off with an ‘A’. Before we jump into the musical offerings of Heart, I have to mention how great it was to see Aaron Hill (Beaver, Greek) as the guy Nick at the end of the episode and finally meeting Rachel’s dads, which was like My Two Dads except way better.

L-O-V-E – Mike and Tina (A)

The first thing that came to mind watching Mike and Tina was that these two don’t get nearly enough screen time singing and dancing together. And they may not be the strongest singers in the club, but they’ve both come a long way from last season. This was a very adorable performance, especially as a soundtrack for the love war Artie and Rory waged against each other in the hopes of wooing Sugar. Perfect opening song.

Let Me Love You – Artie (A)

When it comes to the guys, Artie has the best voice for any R&B songs. They made the beat a little more up-tempo than the original and lyrically Artie’s love song pick was a bit slanderous to the sweet Rory, but it still got him the girl. Toss in Sam, Puck, Kurt and Mike for added effect and you have a good idea of what this song would’ve sounded like if Mario was in a boy band.

Stereo Hearts – The God Squad (Joe, Sam and Mercedes) (A+)

First things first, Teen Jesus Joe is hot and as much as I love a New Directions alternative, I really can’t wait to see him perform with the glee club. When Glee covered Billionaire, Artie handled the Travie Mccoy part of the song, this time around Sam took on the duty…and I LOVED IT. The God Squad, specifically Mercedes, sounded great, but it was the choir that really made this performance particularly amazing. It was so good in fact that I won’t ask why so many students were eating outside in the middle of the winter.

Home – Rory (A)

Similar to Michael Buble, Damian McGinty has a magical voice. So when Rory sang this song under the pretense that he was being sent back to Ireland and added a few tears, it was a given that Sugar was going to change her mind. Artie’s intense side-eye meant that he figured this out almost immediately, but it didn’t change anything. When Rory let out the last note of his performance, he had the girl and her sympathy. Bonus points for being so cunning.

I Will Always Love You – Mercedes (A+)

Between Dolly Parton’s beautiful lyrics and Whitney Houston’s extraordinary voice, the bar for anyone who even touches this song was set decades ago, but we all knew that Amber Riley would do it justice. I won’t even pretend that I didn’t cry the entire time. It was a reminder of Houston’s death, but also how incredibly talented she was. When I watched it again, I focused on it as just another Glee performance and Sam’s heartbroken look was bad enough, but when he cried and left the room…I lost it again. Although this wasn’t a great moment for them as a couple, it made me want to see more of them as actors, Chord Overstreet in particular. I’m glad Mercedes got over that “everyone only pays attention to Rachel, so I’m going to huff around like a brat” phase, she’s much more enjoyable this way.

Cherish/Cherish – Quinn (and the God Squad) (A)

Madonna and The Association were both well represented in this mini mash-up. I know it’s nearing the end of her run, but I’m finally starting to appreciate Dianna Agron’s voice. This was another really sweet performance and we finally got the Brittana kiss. Kudos to the writers for not making this scene unnecessarily religious or political. “Love is love” and romantic moments are romantic.

Love Shack – Blaine (and the New Directions/God Squad) (A+)

In fairness, I have to note that I’m one of those people that will gladly spend my “jukebox money” to hear this played, which accounts for part of the high grade. The other part? Blaine is back (with a heart-shaped eye patch)!! Sure, he wasn’t gone that long, but it felt like forever. Who cares that this song isn’t even remotely romantic, it was an awesome performance! I’m sure the writers that decided to make a connection with Sugar Shack and Love Shack were quite pleased with themselves. Kurt doing Cindy Wilson’s “Tin roof, rusted” at the end was the best. Great episode closer.