Maybe I’m misremembering, but I don’t think so. I still recall the spew of misandry and the cold, machine-like chewing out I received from family court judges who had little if any use for divorced dads. Mine was a mild dressing-down by comparison. As a trustee for my children’s estate I was only reprimanded with a black glare and a coarse word or two for not filling out my guardianship papers properly, or for daring to (gasp!) question a judge’s faultless insight.

This went on for 10 years, my annual accounting sandwiched between heated child custodial battles and sad fathers pleading for time with their children. There was always a sense of utter powerlessness in the courtroom, a creepy sense of resigned doom that came from the judge’s sharp-edged, vitriolic comments. Like the other men, I was just another untrustworthy dad who needed to be taken down a few notches.

I always left the courthouse feeling torn apart, as though I had just tussled with a school of sharks.

Here’s the problem: There is a distinct pro-mother bias in our family law system. Fathers have little if any rights. They are blindsided by the courts on a daily basis. It’s a cruel and painful cycle that deters many good would-be fathers from ever trying.

It’s 2014 and men are still considered to be unqualified and unfit to care for their children. They are the acceptable casualties of divorce, the collateral damage. It’s falsely believed that when a man loses a child, his life doesn’t change at all. Not one bit. Dads are discriminated against in custody decisions across the nation. It even carries over into their jobs. Corporate America frowns upon fathers taking paternity leave.

How misunderstood are men? I once heard a woman say, “Doesn’t it creep you out when dads want to give their kids baths and put them to bed?” This was insinuating that all men, given a chance, will be inappropriate with their own children.

This kind of poisonous and antiquated thinking makes me angry enough to curse in an alien tongue. It leaves me feeling hurt and persecuted. It’s a crying shame that men are lumped into one wretched and untrustworthy group and forced to defend themselves in the face of contentious judges, mediators, and evaluators. How can the court system turn something as precious as a father’s love into pure hatred? These are questions that haunt me. Good dads are still considered the exception rather than the rule. But there are countless kind and gentle and hard-working men out there raising their kids alone. You would think that sheer force of numbers would change the court’s perception about single fathers. You’d think judges would actually get a clue.

For single dads, family court makes a morgue look cheery by comparison.

Did you know that 63 percent of youth suicides, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, and 85 percent of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders have no dads in their lives? Were you aware that approximately 71 percent of all high school dropouts, 75 percent of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers, and 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes?

Since most judges aren’t all that concerned about single fathers and never offer up even a single word of encouragement, allow me to do so:

To all you dads out there, thank you for taking an active part in raising your children. Thank you for changing diapers, helping with the potty training, the homework, and the tantrums. Thank you for braiding your daughter’s hair, attending your son’s soccer practice, and remaining actively involved as a participating parent. Thanks for attending to the emotional needs of your children, for being their rock, their best friend, and an all-around good father.

Thank you for sharing custody, for giving your kids the right to express their feelings, and for not laying guilt on them for loving both of their parents. Thank you for extending the olive branch to your children’s mother and for focusing on the needs of your kids, instead of their ownership. If you’re single and fighting for visitation rights, never give up. I realize it’s an uphill battle but your children will always remember how much you enhanced their lives and taught them to be responsible, loving adults. Most of all, though, remember that you are setting a wonderful example for other fathers just like you.

Way to go, pops!

Tim Martin resides in Fortuna and writes this column for the Times-Standard. He can be contacted at tmartin@northcoast.com.