What’s up everyone?!

This has been one of my most anticipated reviews to write. We just ended Cincinnati’s Burger Week – or Burger Weak, as i’ve said 100,000 times. I felt like the time was right to gift you the best burger in the land. It turned out (allegedly?) that anyone on Citybeat’s Cincinnati Burger Week list had to buy their way into the event, while being instructed to change recipes and a whole bunch of other ridiculous crap that was told to me by other restaurant owners and employees in the area. I get that you’re a business, but don’t sell me some crap about doing a great thing when you’re mostly offering chains with few local spots to gain some extra cash for your dying magazine. Particularly disappointing when Cincinnati Magazine did a far superior burger list days before your event. /Rant

Instead, lets try and think back – Remember that first time you ever had a delicious cheeseburger? Me neither!

This place made me forget every cheeseburger i’ve ever eaten and forced me to move in with a small family who was down on their luck. Some people are like ‘the best burger i’ve ever had is at *INSERT CHAIN RESTAURANT HERE*’ – accept now that you don’t need those kinds of people in your life. Sure, there’s probably something to be said for your Red Robins and so on, but they’re factory assembled burgers. That might be good for some occasions, but sometimes you need a burger pressed with love by someone you can high five in the open kitchen right after you eat it.

From the moment I pulled up to the restaurant, I have to admit – there is no way I would have EVER walked in here without a recommendation. You’ll see a strong-jawed beautiful individual in the foreground of the photo of the bar – that’s my pal Michael. He talked this place up a bunch and I was definitely leery as he’s a newer addition to my social network. I’ve lived in a world where most of my recommendations seem to come from people who don’t either understand what I like or why I like these things. “You love Coheed and Cambria? Great. You should totally listen to this band that has nothing in common with them except that it’s also 4+ dudes!”

I digress. The restaurant’s exterior is somewhat lackluster. It looks like a house. If you’re from our area, you’ll know what I mean when I say “it has one of those white box Hudepohl beer signs with tiny text underneath with the name of the bar” as it’s only main style of display. If this doesn’t make sense – drop Coaches Corner into Google Maps and hit the street view. You’ll see what I mean. Don’t let appearances stop you though, as these are the types of buildings that typically house amazing hidden gems – even funnier when it’s less than a block from one of the area’s most lackluster FAVORITE spots, Pompilios. DID YOU KNOW THEY SHOT RAIN MAN THERE?!

Walking in, you can guess the vibe. It looked in the bar area like it might smell musty, but again, my eyes deceived me. I joked that this bar was likely on an episode of Roseanne or Shameless. I don’t mean this to sound disparaging, but rather hope to paint a scene that you can experience and later beat the shit out of your eyes for almost preventing you from having a truly amazing burger. The staff was awesome. Immediately I was greeted by a super friendly bartender and thanks to my persistently loud mouth, I was the butt of all the regulars jokes within minutes. We took a table, sat down, and perused the menu.

There’s some basics on there and a few outliers – Michael in particular recommends the Reuben burger with a side of fries – cajun style. We brought along my lovely girlfriend as well as resident burger fan, Hunter “2BAD” Brankamp. For those of you playing along at home, 2BAD is short for 2 Burgers A Day. 2BAD took on the East Row burger – but you know what? Let’s just let him order for himself.

The extra patty was apparently a great addition, as well as the creative use of blue cheese and red peppers together, sealed together by crisp and juicy bacon. Lyndsey took on the Brews Bacon Mushroom burger, and I had the Coaches Choice – with an addition of grilled onions. It was pretty inspired. Ham on a hamburger doesn’t occur very often so that excited me. It would be like if a breakfast place included burger patties as a breakfast meat option. Why do we have to shut down regular beef in the morning? What’s so sacred about a sausage patty?!

I know I haven’t really even gotten into detail about the taste of the burger yet, but give me a second, because I wanna give a quick shout out to the french fries. Whoa. They’re hand cut, wedge-style fries but traditionally, i’ve never been a fan of those. Wedge fries always seem more like potato with a skin rather than a fry. These were more fry than wedge – each bite literally popped in your mouth. It was crunchy and crisp, but still potato-smooth. They were some of the best fries i’ve ever had and would go back just for those even if they didn’t have amazing burgers – but they do. Lets get to it.

When I saw this place, I didn’t expect the burger I received. I thought of the typical dive hamburgers like Quatman’s – delicious, for sure, but usually served on some smushed bun that I feel like someone tossed in the back of their car, threw their other shit on top of it, and realized three days later when they went to buy MORE new buns that they’d just left the original ones in their car. Right out of the gate, it was a game changer. As you saw in the pictures above, they were served on a pillowy roll. It was like a soft version of the famous “hard rolls” we used to get back on the east coast. The toppings were stacked – but not so much so that they’d leak out of the bun. The bun absorbed a lot of the juices and made for an even better experience.

And that’s when it happened. The burger hit my tongue. At once, I got this hot seared beef with a hint of whatever their ‘magic dust’ seasoning is, which burst as I bit into it – firing it’s juicy burger flavor all over the place. Does that sound sexual? Good, because I would totally get weird with this burger. The flavor was amazing, the juiciness was great, and we literally couldn’t stop talking about it. Have you ever eaten something so good that you put it down between each bite and stopped to discuss how good it was? I know we all have. The combo of the beef patty blended with that weird salty creaminess of American cheese and the grilled ham pretty much blew my mind. I’m actually feeling weirdly uncomfortable talking about it, like I’ve been cheating on it with other shittier sandwiches. I am without adjectives to describe how much we enjoyed this burger – so lets let 2BAD jump in and describe his first few bites.

After all of this, I don’t think it comes as any surprise that I will ever eat another burger in this city – unless it comes from Coaches Corner. I know that we have some really heavy hitters in the city, but this thing pretty much blew my mind on every front. It had all the appeal of a simple bar burger, but was prepared and served with the craft care you’d expect from some overly hip restaurant. Sure, there are a few others i’ll probably sneak in to compare (I’m coming for you KRUEGERS!) but I know that 9 out of 10 times when I think of burgers, i’ll be here. If I had any complaints at all – it’d be the hours. I had some issues with their Facebook admin not being particularly helpful with explaining when they were serving compared to what their regular bar hours were, but after a complaint about that, the management took over and owned the situation. I would still HIGHLY recommend they place additional mentions of their hours of food availability. The last two weeks were kind of difficult to make it in only because they’re actual remodeling the interior, so by the time you get around to going, they may have already jazzed the place up. Hell, it was already looking pretty drastically different from the front half to the back half (where they have additional seating).

Minor complaints aside? This is probably my FAVORITE place on the blog so far. It edged out Mazunte ever so slightly to take over – there’s just something comforting about an incredible burger. Sure, you can make pretty good ones at home, and lots of them at restaurants are boring and average, but when you find an amazing burger you grab it with both hands and shove it in your mouth. Advice to live by.

I can’t even proofread this without wanting to sit outside the bar and wait until they can serve me another. Alright, lets work on distraction – next week, we’re taking on a sweet Asian/Barbecue fusion restaurant downtown called Huit. Did you notice how much I love Asian cuisine?

Until next time my hungry friends – send your requests, comments, and more to me here and i’ll go try out your restaurant suggestions!