The Mill knows you weren’t paying attention in February. And after one of the least interesting January transfer windows in recent memory, who can blame you? Besides, there was still a title chase to worry about, petrol-station Valentines Day flowers to buy, and House of Cards to watch. The Mill was nothing but a stopgap: something to read on your way to work, something to sneak a peek at during the 15 minutes that everybody has when they get into work where you can mess about chatting and get tea and go to the toilet for an extra long period of time without anyone really noticing.

But this, reader, is not February. This is the home straight. Suddenly the Mill is important again. You need us: without hot transfer gossip, what have you got to look forward to this summer? A new pair of sunglasses? England’s early exit from the Euro Under-21 Championship? Pah!

Somebody who is already enjoying a summer, of the Indian variety, is Miroslav Klose. After becoming the World Cup’s record goalscorer last year in Brazil, the 36-year-old is continuing to shine in the autumn of his career and has been in terrific form this season for Lazio, scoring 13 times, to help them club into second place in Serie A. But, with his contract up at the end of the season, Tottenham are sniffing about and are keen to offer the German a wad of cash in the hope that he might do some of his own sniffing for them inside various Premier League penalty boxes next season. Spurs are not alone in these endeavours, however, with Aston Villa and São Paulo both shouting and waving loudly in Klose’s direction. Haringey, Birmingham or Brazil, Miroslav, you decide.

Another striker who could become available is Charlie Austin, should QPR be relegated. Newcastle are hoping that the London club will be, because Mike Ashley actually wants to spend some of the £34m he has just lying around on the 25-year-old, and will offer the English striker the heralded No9 shirt should he decide to hop it to the north-east. The Mirror seem to think it will take £10m big ones to prize Austin from west London, but if that deal falls on it’s ar$e, Ashley and co will resort to the tried and tested method of signing players on a free transfer from France: Marseille’s André Ayew will almost certainly not be Marseille’s André Ayew when his contract expires on 1 July.

Barcelona’s Pedro is fed up of watching Neymar, Luis Suárez and Lionel Messi do their thing and has decided that his best option would be to set sail from the eastern shores of Spain and jump on the popular cruise liner Do One across the Mediterranean to Italy, where Internazionale will welcome him with open arms, and a hefty wage rise. Liverpool, Arsenal and Manchester United were previously said to be interested but, according to Corriere dello Sport, have already missed the boat (zing!), with the Catalan-born winger having provisionally agreed to sign for the Italian club for around the £12m mark.

Another bench-warmer on his way to the continent is Petr Cech, who has had enough of wallowing in Thibaut Courtois’s considerable shadow at Chelsea. After PSG’s magnificent defensive display in midweek, he’s decided that he wants to be part of the Paris project.

Elsewhere, Celtic are keen on the Argentinian striker Sergio Araujo on the basis that he sounds vaguely like somebody that plays for Manchester City, while Stoke want Barcelona’s teenage winger Moha El Ouriachi. That’s your lot people, have a good Friday.