WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

A rapidly ageing finance worker in the Old City District named Brad Wilkin is in desperate need of a partner it can be confirmed today.

This comes after the 29-year-old looked like a pig in muck while checking out the Sheffield Scorecard’s this afternoon.

The Betoota Heights resident who has been in a vicious cycle of getting too pissed for his own good on most weekends in what’s amounting to years of rampant hedonism, said he’s ‘bloody stoked at the what the (Queensland) Bulls put up in their first innings.’

“Mate, did you see what happened to the Vics,” he laughed.

“It was only a few weeks ago they were batting against a tennis ball, and today they got skittled for 128. Bloody hell.”

The share-house bachelor then confirmed that he’s really been keeping on top of what’s going on in the Shield.

“Yeah, I’ve been getting around it the last couple of years,” explained the man who keeps promising he’ll get back on the Bumble soon.

“It’s good cricket you know, and hey, while I’m sitting here at this mindless beep bop fucking job, I may as well get fixated on something.”

“Fuck, good to see Usman making some runs as well,” he said before drifting back towards his desktop computer and ending the conversation.