Delivering by C-section is just about as miserable as it gets. As if trying to care for a tiny new human while not being able to move without searing pain isn't bad enough, you have to have your every move analyzed, judged, and criticized by everyone you know (and even some people you don't).

In spite of the stereotype that C-sections are for Hollywood stars and wealthy business moguls, the overwhelming majority of women who go under the knife do it because of a medical circumstance that would make a "natural" delivery a risk to their child's health and possibly their own. From placenta previa to a baby's breech positioning to other birth complications, there are dozens of reasons why a C-section may be the safest and healthiest choice for a mother.

The notion that women who reluctantly get sliced open on the operating table are simply "too posh to push" is infuriating. Anyone who has watched a C-section mama go through the (EXTREMELY) painful recovery process knows that it is certainly not "cheating."

And if someone in your life is having a C-section, here is what you most definitely should NOT say to them:

1. "Oh, wow, you're so lucky. I was in labor for 14 hours." Yeah, so was your friend that had a C-section. And then on hour 15 they took her into the emergency room to get surgery. This isn't a competition (but if it was, she'd win).

2. "I thought I was going to need one for my breech baby, but then I (lay down on the floor for three hours with my legs up on an ironing board/got accupuncture/crawled on my hands and knees for the entire weekend/did somersaults underwater/burned Chinese herbs near my toes)." I did all of these, and my baby was still breech. Thank you very much, insane pseudo-scientist moms on internet forums.

3. "I would never have a C-section. I believe too strongly in natural birth." So when two separate doctors told me that a natural birth would result in significantly increased risk to my baby's survival, you would have given them the finger?

4. "I heard the Caesarian rate is so much lower in other countries than in the U.S." Um, ok? I also heard the newborn survival rate in other countries is much lower. What's your point?

5. "Can I see your scar?" Can I get a closer look at that weird mole above your lip?

6. "I heard that (eating spicy food/not exercising enough/eating too much/not eating enough/stress) causes an increased risk of C-sections." I heard that making your friend regret every single minor decision she made in the past nine months causes increased risk of you being a jerk.

7. "Do you feel like you missed out on childbirth?" Well, I still birthed a child, so, no, not really.

8. "I'm really sorry. I know how much you wanted to have a natural birth." I'm really sorry about that time when you married the guy you said you were just dating until something better come along. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, did I upset you? I thought we were just having a friendly chat about times when we decided to do things we hadn't originally planned on doing.

9. "Have you had a bowel movement yet?" Seriously, I couldn't understand why everyone kept on asking me this. And then I had a bowel movement. And then I understood why. Owwwwwwwwww. It HURTS. Literally. Apparently when they move around and sometimes even take out and reinsert your intestines, there are consequences. Hello, prune juice!

10. "When can you come visit so I can see the baby?" I actually still can't sit up in bed without wincing in extreme pain, so, um, how about if you come and visit me instead? Oh, and bring dinner. I'm starving!

Jessica Levy Jessica Levy is a freelance writer, politics junkie, and fledgling foodie.

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