Today, we’re talking about Trump’s biggest almost-accomplishment yet: passing his new and improved healthcare bill, DonT. Care 2.0, through the house!

But…wait a second? A few weeks back, DonT Care couldn’t even get a vote in the house? What changed??

Three words: The MacArthur Amendment.

Tom MacArthur Ameri CAN of the Year!

Take a long look, folks. This is what an American patriot looks like.



That’s right. New Jersey Representative, Tom MacArthur, will no longer just be known as the baldest man in congress.

Back in April, old Tom squeezed out a little piece of legislation called, The MacArthur Amendment, which addressed ALL of the VERY FEW problems with President Trump’s health plan, DonT Care.

In the process, Rep. MacArthur also united the Republican party, rallied support for DonT Care, and secured his place in the pantheon of American heroes.

DonT Care + The MacArthur Amendment = DonT Care 2.0

So what exactly does The MacArthur Amendment do? We’ll get into nitty-gritty details in a minute, but first let’s explain the basic concept with an example:

Let’s pretend, for a moment, that DonT Care is a dump truck plowing into a crowd of 24 million poor people. Follow me so far?

So what The MacArthur Amendment does is this: it takes that same crowd of poor people and adds a bunch of sick and old people. Pretty simple right?

But why do we need The MacArthur Amendment? DonT Care was already perfect.

I agree. DonT Care had all the workings of a great piece of conservative healthcare legislation: the word “healthcare” was in the title, and it delivered tax relief to wealthy Americans on the backs of millions of poor people.

So why couldn’t the House Republicans unanimously support DonT Care?

Simple. It was too humane.

See, contrary to popular belief, healthcare is not only about caring for the sick; it’s also about maintaining the health of the American species. Which means regularly thinning the herd.

DonT Care simply offered too much protection for the sick and the needy.

Why The MacArthur Amendment is the SECOND Best Amendment Ever Written.

Because it allows states to waive three of Obamacare’s most unconstitutional rules.

1. The Age Rating Rule +1.73% Greatness

Obamacare’s age rating rule forbids insurance companies from charging older customers more than 3 times what they charge younger customers. Wow, dumb!

You know, I’m about fed up with old people.

Sure, once upon a time our elders were worthy of respect. But nowadays, they think it’s perfectly fine to retire at 60 and laze around, reading James Patterson novels for 40 or 50 years while the rest of us work.

And Obamacare has only exacerbated the American senior citizen entitlement crisis. Now old people seem to think health care is right. Wrong. It’s a privilege.

Back when I was a youngster, if Grumpy came down with diabetes, guess what? Grumpy down-sized his house. And if he didn’t have a house, he had two options: get a job or get his affairs in order.

We’ve coddled our seniors long enough. Just because Grumpy’s 85 doesn’t mean he’s incapable of being on his feet all day. In fact, thanks to diabetic nerve damage, he can’t even feel his feet. So what’s the big deal?

Time to get off your duffs and back to work, old people!

Best Jobs for Old People

Been out of the job market for a while? Not sure where to look? No worries! I’ve got your covered.

1. Day Laborer- You old people like talking about weather so much, you might as well go WORK in some. So here’s an idea: head down to the Home Depot parking lot everyday, about sun up, with a wheel barrel and some yard tools and see if you can’t scrounge up an honest day’s work.

2. Asbestos Abatement- Sure, asbestos is hazardous, but what do you want? To live forever?

3. Power Line Technician- Don’t be intimidated by the equipment involved. A bucket truck is nothing but a motorized shopping cart that operates of a 100-ft vertical plane. This is a great, low-impact option for people with bad knees. No stairs!

2. The Community Rating Rule +1.67% Greatness

The community rating rule forbids insurers from charging any one customer more than another, provided they’re of similar age and live in the same “community”. The C.R. Rule was designed to protect people with pre-existing conditions from being overcharged for insurance.

But all it really does is protect healthy people from affordable premiums.

Look, people, us republicans get it. There’s no such thing as dumb luck or misfortune. Literally everything that happens to you, is your own fault.

Because in the land of opportunity, it doesn’t matter whether you grow up in a gilded penthouse or in the cardboard dumpster out behind Dave and Busters, every American has EXACTLY the same opportunities to succeed financially, health-nancially, and otherwise.

So if you have a pre-existing condition, that’s on you. If you were diagnosed with a heart problem at 2, hey, maybe you should’ve made some better lifestyle choices in your first 16 months.

Because guess what? This two year old took care of himself. And I’ll be damned if the government is going to take my money to pay for your insurance. Do you have any idea how hard it is for babies to make money?

Luckily, Tom MacArthur does. The free ride’s over, sick people.

3. The Essential Health Benefits Rule +2.14% Greatness

The essential health benefits rule requires that all health insurance plans cover “essential health benefits” like emergency room visits, maternity care, hospitalization…basically a bunch of crap you don’t need.

Trashing the E.H.B.R is a no brainer. Even the critics agree it will lower the cost of premiums!

Sure, it might raise the cost of specialty items like mental health insurance. But people with mental health issues don’t have enough sense to buy insurance in the first place. So who cares!

Liberals also claim that tossing the E.H.B.R will create “skimpy” insurance plans.

Know what I say? So what. Americans are tough. We need don’t tons of coverage. In fact, you can stay perfectly healthy without a cent of coverage.

How to Pay WAY Less for Medicine, Even Without Insurance.

So what if your new DonT Care plan doesn’t cover “medicine”? No big deal!

Don’t fork over a bunch of money for some fancy name-brand prescription. In fact, you don’t need a prescription at all when you buy online.

That’s right. I’ve been buying my medicine online for years. It’s cheap, convenient, user-friendly, and the best part? No doctor necessary.

Just log on to www.discount-pet-meds.com

They’ve got everything!

Arthritis acting up? Anti-inflammatory drugs cost an arm and a leg. But for eleven bucks, you can straighten yourself out with a bag of joint enhancing soft chews.

Asthma? No need to overpay for some fancy inhaler.

And here’s one for the old folks: Incontinence?

Why We Need to Get Rid of Obamacare.

With all the talk about millions of people losing their insurance and/or potentially dying, it’s important to remember why The Republicans are repealing Obamacare in the first place. Because it’s in a DEATH SPIRAL**!!!

Yeah… it’s bad. And it’s only going to get worse, especially if President Trump refuses to fund health insurance subsidies moving forward.

**For point of reference, a death spiral is somewhere between a faceplant and a nosedive.

And no, liberals, Obamacare’s death spiral has nothing to do with the republicans spending the last six years doing everything in their power to undermine its success.

Obamacare would have failed Even IF republicans hadn’t refused to fix any of its known problems.

Even IF they’d provided incentives to encourage insurers to enter less-competitive markets.

Even IF they hadn’t abruptly halted advertising for Obamacare signup deadlines in attempt to suppress enrollment.

Even IF they hadn’t gutted funding to reimburse insurance companies’ losses as they sought to comply with Obamacare rules, raising premiums and limiting options for Americans everywhere.

Why The Congressional Budget Office is WRONG About Everything, Especially Obamacare.

And one more thing…Ignore phony claims from the Congressional Budget Office that Obamacare is “stable” because lots of people are still “signing up” and “subsidies are sheltering most people from premium increases”. Sounds like FAKE NEWS to me.

The CBO cannot be trusted. They’re by far the most leftwing, bipartisan committee in Washington. And BELIEVE ME they have a long history of being WRONG.

But don’t take my word for it. Ask Paul Ryan.

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