The Free-Floating Dysfunctional Family Circus TM Archive v1.1.2

Heartwarming cartoons drawn by Bil Keane, gone horribly awry.

Please note that this feature has nothing to do with the actual Family Circus comic, and is not authorized by Bil Keane, his owners, or maintainers. If you're looking for the real Family Circus, proceed to King Features and read as little of this as possible before you do yourself irreparable harm.

I act alone and of my own free will, without encouragement, support, or approval from Spinn or anyone else.

As I obtained this archive from another person, the changes below in regular type are ones done by previous keepers of the archive; the italic ones are changes I've made:

DFC now uses stylesheets. Don't like the way it looks or renders? Now you can make formatting changes via the stylesheet, which is nice.

Most pages now validate against the HTML 4.0 (transitional) spec. Didn't worry too much about the interior pages, since there was some funky stuff going on with some of the captions.

Frameless scrolling effect via CSS. No more losing sight of the cartoon while reading, while still free of the bitter aftertaste of frames!

Reworking of the links between the pages, and to the images, so that this archive can work anywhere. Sacrificed, somewhat, to prevent remote linking of images. An archive of the images is available for download here

Removal of links to Spinnwebe, seems as how this isn't on Spinnwebe anymore.

Corrected a number of minor errors, and found copies of a couple of pages gone missing.

Tweaked the CSS to my tastes - this may be an ongoing project as I learn more about it.

Removed all weblinks and mailto links associated with the caption contributor attributions - many of them are doubtless outdated, and I do not feel comfortable republishing other people's email addresses.

If you're a King Features lawyer, don't bother with telling me to take this down because:

This DFC archive is a work of parody, and falls under fair use and parody 1st Amendment protection There are dozens of copies of this on the net, many less responsible than this one reasonable steps are taken to ensure this material is not confused with the real Family Circus. To wit: individual caption pages are tagged with a NOINDEX meta tag, to keep accidental visitors from bypassing this disclaimer, thus preventing confusion about who has written the captions – and do you really think someone's going to think that Bil or Jeff Keane is responsible for this? This archive is intended for private use. That is, I have it on my site so that wherever I am, I can see it. I do not intend for the masses to find it. If they do, well, see nos. 1,2, & 3 above. I'm not responsible if someone else doesn't follow the above guidelines and uses this material in a manner that infringes copyright. Talk to them, not me.

I just didn't want these pages to die. I laugh at most, cringe at some, and occasionally find one that makes me a bit sick. But here they are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

A Text Index to the DFC

[50] | [100] | [150] | [200] | [250] | [300] | [350] | [400] | [450] | [500]

If you're looking for a particular cartoon, look through the descriptions, or use your browser's search function to find keywords. Click on a line to access the cartoon in the DFC Archives.

1 Eating scene; Billy speaking

2 Dolly sitting on top of Bil who's on the couch

3 Thel washing dishes as Dolly sits naked on a toy horse

4 Thel and Jeffy talking while Bil packs

5 Thel on phone amid a frenetic scene with all 4 kids

6 Thel watching Dolly praying

7 Jeffy shows Thel something in a glass jar

8 4 kids confront Bil in a hammock. Billy speaking

9 Bil cheering up a gloomy, baseball-outfitted Billy

10 Jeffy pointing at a broken plate on the floor

11 Dolly shows Jeffy something long and black; Gramma in background

12 Dolly jumping rope as Bil watches

13 Dolly and Jeffy eating cereal

14 Bil with video cam facing all kids & pets; Dolly speaking

15 Jeffy posing with dandelions

16 Jeffy on Bil's lap, looking at a faraway jet

17 Dolly holding a pair of enormous joke glasses

18 Billy explains some carrotty object Thel's found in a drawer

19 Billy talking to a happy-looking Dolly

20 Dolly comes up to Thel carrying a book

21 Barfy licking PJ; Dolly comments to Thel in background

22 At Gramma's; bottom shelves cleared of stuff

23 Entire fam packing up to leave Gramma's; Jeffy speaking

24 Jeffy on a swing, with no ground visible

25 Billy contemplating an enormous clock radio; Dolly speaking

26 Dolly looking at pictures on Gramma's bulletin board

27 Dolly weighing herself as a girlfriend watches

28 Gramma helping Jeffy on with his pants

29 Dolly explaining something to another girl

30 Jeffy looking out the window, seems bored

31 Dolly complaining as she and Bil fish

32 Jeffy says something to Thel who's buying popcorn

33 Dolly, Jeffy, Bil with binox; Jeffy's looking at the ground

34 Billy explains something to two kids in a classroom

35 Dolly to a black girl; Thel in background doing laundry

36 Dolly talking as Thel holds her, on doorstep

37 Jeffy speaking into a phone that's dangling off its hook

38 Jeffy, Dolly, Billy eating burgers; Billy speaking

39 Dolly points to Kittycat sleeping on Bil's briefcase

40 Billy walks in with two friends

41 Jeffy points to himself as he passes Dolly

42 Kids with musical instruments confront Thel; Billy speaking

43 Dolly threatens Jeffy with a toy pterodactyl

44 Thel explaining something to Dolly; Jeffy imagines Dolly's skeleton

45 Billy examines Jeffy's stomach with a stethoscope

46 Billy to Thel as a young woman with twins walks by

47 Dolly talking to a happy-looking Jeffy

48 Thel to Bil, as kids are all on the couch playing boat

49 Dolly reprimanding Barfy at the door

50 Billy talking offscreen while on Thel's lap; Thel has big earrings

51 Bil, looking hung over, buttons Billy's shirt

52 Dolly painting in a Pocahontas book

53 Dolly to Thel as she gets out of the car

54 Billy talking, sadly, to a blond kid

55 Billy heading out the door with a baseball bat and pizza box

56 Dolly holding a painful elbow

57 Bil, applying chapstick, to Dolly and PJ

58 Dolly at the door with a friend and an enormous black dog

59 Dolly, with Thel in church, examining a stained-glass window

60 Bil to Billy as they walk in the dark woods

61 Jeffy to Thel as they read a book together in bed

62 Thel sprinkling something on Jeffy's food; Jeffy speaking

63 Jeffy extending a hand to a surprised-looking PJ

64 PJ following Thel with dotted line; minister on the TV

65 Dolly examining a wedding album

66 Bil wisecracking to Jeffy who's in cowboy suit with banana in holster

67 Grandma speaking to Billy, sitting on her lap

68 Billy examining a watch with Dolly, before a portrait of Grandpa

69 Dolly reading from a Fairy Tales book to Billy

70 Dolly talking to Jeffy, who has a book with a ghost picture in it

71 Jeffy in a devil costume

72 Billy, dressed as a hobo, to another kid dressed as a clown

73 Dolly to the family as they leave church

74 Dolly introduces a friend to Gramma (with PJ on lap)

75 Billy talking to Thel who's writing a letter; PJ holds bottle up

76 Billy coming in with a slingshot

77 Billy pointing outside into the rain as Jeffy and PJ watch

78 Thel to Bil as she comes into Billy's sickroom with a tray

79 A woozy-looking Bil says something to Thel; kids playing outside

80 Dolly to Jeffy as he walks by while she & Bil rake leaves

81 Dolly to Thel as she arrives from school with a paper

82 Dolly rummaging under the bed

83 Billy on phone; Thel and Sam peek from around the corner

84 Billy confronts Mom with a list

85 Jeffy comments to Thel about an old man on the bus reading the comics

86 Jeffy holds up a sports car as kids open Xmas presents

87 Bil lifts PJ to ceiling; Dolly watching; Billy speaking

88 Jeffy explaining a messy room to Thel

89 Dolly to Billy, as they're playing checkers

90 Thel, vacuuming, as kids minus Dolly watch football on TV

91 Dolly shows her Pocahontas doll to Thel in the kitchen

92 Dolly comes in with two big rods

93 Billy explains something to Dolly at the table; Thel watching

94 Billy pointing out a typewriter to a friend

95 Jeffy, after Bil's thanksgiving prayer (split panel)

96 Dolly shows Jeffy a cornucopia

97 Bil getting up, hung over, no glasses (color)

98 Bil on TV greets family at home, who're all outside

99 Dolly to Bil who's reading 'The First Christmas' to Jeffy and PJ

100 Dolly greets the new day (color)

101 Dolly being dressed for winter by Thel

102 Jeffy shows a teddy bear to sleeping parents; Dolly speaking

103 Jeffy to PJ, who's tearfully holding a ratty blanket

104 Billy to Thel, as kids watch Jeffy & Dolly playing croquet on video

105 Jeffy bouncing up & down before Gramma; both speaking

106 Billy to Jeffy as they're building a snowman

107 Jeffy, after a reprimand from Thel (split panel)

108 Dolly to Billy, holding a tape; Gramma fooling with tape deck in background

109 Thel whispers to Bil as kids play with Christmas presents

110 Dolly and Jeffy watching a political convention

111 Jeffy with a pill bottle

112 Billy to Bil who's frantically working his way thru a video game

113 Jeffy holds out the phone to Thel

114 Billy enjoying a bowl of what looks like hair

115 Billy & Jeffy playing golf in the bathroom; Billy speaking to Thel

116 Billy, taking notes, approaches Bil

117 Billy to Bil, as they sit in the surf

118 Jeffy shows Bil a ball

119 Jeffy on stairs, to Thel who's picking up a crying PJ

120 Billy, on seeing Kittycat smiling in a shoebox

121 Jeffy's dancing in front of the TV; Dolly complains

122 Dolly, coming in the door wiggling, to Thel

123 Dolly to Jeffy, as Bil watches baseball on TV

124 Billy at the computer, talking to Thel

125 Bil hugging a dejected Billy; other baseballers walk by

126 Billy to Jeffy, as a young couple walks by

127 Billy, reading 'The Little Scientist,' to Dolly

128 Dolly to Thel in the bathroom

129 Dolly to Jeffy, watching a blonde go by walking a big dog

130 A bliffy-looking Billy, getting out of bed, to Thel

131 Black-haired melonhead, at the door, to Thel; Bil is reading

132 Billy holds up his fortune at the Chinese restaurant

133 Billy to Jeffy after a wagon accident; Thel visible in background

134 Dolly to Billy and Jeffy, watching out the window as a car goes by

135 Thel to lawn-mowing Bil, as all 4 kids are in a tree

136 Dolly to Billy, in front of a half-constructed house

137 Thel to Bil, as she bandages both Jeffy and Billy

138 Dolly to Jeffy, as a chipmunk spurns their potato chips

139 Kids & Gramma looking for keys, but PJ has them

140 Dolly to kids and Bil as they watch Olympic torch on TV

141 Dolly offers a dandelion bouquet to Jeffy

142 Dolly coloring a picture of a rhino

143 3 kids in the tub as Bil reads; Dolly speaking

144 Billy in football helmet, to another kid; parents in background

145 Dolly objects as PJ climbs right on top of her

146 Jeffy contemplates a globe

147 Dolly happily contemplates a macaroni-like dish

148 Billy announces something to Jeffy who's posted at the toilet

149 Jeffy cuddles up to Thel

150 Dolly advises Billy who's drawing FC cartoons

151 Billy with a soccer ball, pointing

152 Thel makes an announcement as she's assailed by all 4 kids

153 Jeffy points to a bowling ball; Billy & Dolly are there too

154 Dolly to Billy, both sweaty, peeking at Bil who's reading

155 Dolly contemplates a picture of a giraffe

156 A naked Jeffy explains something to Thel in the bathroom

157 Billy swings open a door to find a half-dressed young woman

158 Dolly's watching TV; boys avert their eyes

159 Kids pile on top of Thel; Dolly speaking

160 Billy, nailing stuff, looks up at a crying Dolly

161 Jeffy confronts PJ, who's eating

162 Jeffy looks in Barfy's mouth; Dolly speaking (to Thel)

163 Split: Jeffy sneezes; Dolly responds

164 Jeffy holds up a banana

165 Dolly comments on Bil, asleep on the bed amid the clean laundry

166 Billy considers Thel in a formal gown

167 Family watching themselves on video; Billy speaking

168 Jeffy on table after putting his hand in a pitcher; to angry Thel

169 Billy, pillow on his head, examines a tooth on the bed

170 Gramma on the phone after receiving mail from the kids

171 A long line of kids is held up by PJ crawling up the slide

172 Jeffy emptying sand from his shoes in his bedroom, to an angry Thel

173 Billy reports on a trip to the stadium

174 Jeffy has peeled a whole bunch of bananas

175 Billy comes up carrying money, as family leaves a restaurant

176 Dolly announces a brush salesman

177 Mailman holds mail above a throng of kids

178 Billy, playing cards, is furiously assaulted by PJ

179 A nervous Dolly to Bil who's rooting in the fridge

180 Billy points the ladies' room out to Thel

181 Billy to Thel, coming in the door; outside is a horde of kids

182 Jeffy wakes up Thel

183 Dolly explains something to PJ; Thel passing by in background

184 Dolly, as Bil photographs the Iwo Jima memorial

185 Fam buys hot dogs in DC; Billy speaking

186 On a tour bus in DC; Billy is unimpressed

187 Fam at Washington Monument; cop on horse goes by; Billy speaking

188 Dolly points out something on a space capsule

189 Fam considers White House; Dolly speaking

190 Jeffy asks Dad, who's gardening, a question

191 Jeffy shows the airsickness bag to Bil

192 Kids looking at Congress; Jeffy comments to Thel

193 Bil to Jeffy, as they exit a tour bus, still in DC

194 Kids pound on a locked door; Billy speaking

195 Bil returns to the car with gas; Billy complains

196 Dolly points out to Bil and an angry Jeffy that her plant is growing best

197 Dolly points out something to two bemused visitors

198 Dolly to Billy, as he arrives to the table

199 Jeffy, with books, speaks angrily; PJ sucks thumb behind him

200 Dolly explains something to PJ and Billy, holding up 3 fingers

201 Bil arrives home to find Thel dressed up and 4 beaming children

202 Thel reading 'Little Red Riding Hood', but Jeffy's not buying it

203 Billy arrives from school, beaming

204 Gramma standing in the living room; Billy reports to Thel

205 Billy points something out to Gramma, who's driving

206 Thel to one of the kids, unrecognizably wrapped up in winter clothes

207 Thel demands that Jeffy explain an empty cookie jar

208 Dolly to Thel, cooking; Jeffy is on a chair nearby

209 Jeffy points out a seedling

210 Dolly confronts Jeffy who's shot her with a rubber-tip arrow

211 Bummed-looking Jeffy, to Billy, wearing the infamous checked jacket

212 Billy to Bil, as he and Dolly are decorating with shamrocks

213 Thel remonstrates with a kicking, screaming Jeffy

214 Jeffy exclaiming over some birds at a feeder

215 Billy to Dolly, as they consider Gramma watching TV

216 Dolly to someone offpanel; P.J. looks at her mindlessly

217 Billy in a tree; Thel pointing at him from inside the house

218 Billy motioning the kids back as Bil approaches his desk

219 Jeffy, with a ruled sheet of paper and "Good on you mate" T-Shirt

220 Billy points out something on a cat calendar to Dolly and Jeffy

221 Dolly to Jeffy, as Thel takes Billy's temperature

222 Jeffy, in pajamas, announces something to his parents, watching TV

223 Dolly, as Thel clips coupons

224 Jeffy's having trouble closing the front door on a windy day

225 Billy to Thel as he arrives from school, in the laundry room

226 Bil, doing his taxes, reprimands the fighting children

227 Jeffy to Bil, who's fixing a backed-up toilet

228 Thel to kids, who are running around the living room

229 Thel arrives home with the kids; Bil is working on the car

230 Billy talking, as he and Dolly eat alphabet soup

231 Jeffy stands on his head

232 Jeffy comes in the door, with his arms extended

233 Dolly listens skeptically to a call on a string-and-cup phone

234 Jeffy sits up in bed with a thought

235 Billy contemplates a kaleidoscope image as Bil watches

236 Thel points out a broken mirror to Jeffy and Billy: Just wait till Daddy's home

237 Thel watches a professor on TV; Billy comments

238 At Dr. Cuthbertson's: Dolly comments to Thel, Jeffy, PJ

239 Jeffy comments on the Bible Story of Creation Thel is reading

240 Dolly cautions Jeffy about the confab Thel's having with a female friend

241 Thel is about to cut into a pie; Dolly speaking

242 Dolly in drag-- wearing Thel's clothes-- confronts a blasé Jeffy

243 Dolly plaintively reaches forward in a meadow of grass

244 Jeffy, angry and beat-up, says something to Dolly who has antibiotics

245 Dolly comments to Jeffy about a limousine at curbside

246 Jeffy indicates the answering machine: "We can't come to the phone right now..."

247 Dolly high-fives Jeffy

248 Bil plays football with the kids; Dolly and Billy ineffectually tackle him

249 It's the cat's ass! Jeffy comments on the cat drinking out of the toilet

250 Bil's admiring the Neanderthal in a museum; Billy addresses him

251 Dolly, with a doll for once, points out something to a black friend

252 Billy explains to a curly-haired friend why he has two different mittens

253 Dolly asks Thel for a tissue

254 Jeffy, in cowboy drag, proudly points to his star

255 Dolly, in pajamas, reacts to a TV ad for, apparently, industrial waste

256 Jeffy's watching cartoons, says something to Thel, vacuuming

257 Billy comes home wet and dirty, explains himself to Thel; Sam cowers

258 Jeffy answers the telephone's insistent query, "Is your mother free?"

259 Billy in his room, with clothes hung up all over

260 Billy, in the shower, happily tells us something, covered with suds

261 Thel finds Jeffy crawling out from under the bed; Jeffy speaking

262 Billy explains a bad grade to an angry-looking Thel

263 Kid in an evil-looking clown mask answers the telephone

264 Thel looks on as Billy pulls a curvy wire in from the living room; Billy speaking

265 All the kids are under the dining room table; Thel waters a plant; Dolly speaks

266 Jeffy holds up the skeleton of a bunch of grapes

267 Billy offers advice to Jeffy on a broken vase; Barfy's ears perk up

268 The kitchen and the kids are a mess; Dolly explains something to Thel; O. Yeah runs off

269 Dolly shows a picture of a boa constrictor to PJ

270 Jeffy points at PJ, eating messily in his table-chair

271 Bil snores on the couch; Jeffy holds his ears and addresses PJ

272 Dolly whispers to a classmate as the teacher blows a pitch pipe

273 Billy happily tells us who's on the phone

274 Dolly angrily protests, as Jeffy looks smug in the background

275 Jeffy eats a cookie he's taken from PJ, who's crying

276 Billy gets on the schoolbus as the fam watches; Grandma comments

277 Kitchen is a mess; kids are dirty; PJ's naked; Dolly addresses Thel

278 Dolly explains something to Jeffy about a girl who's holding her ears

279 Dolly, in Mickey Mouse ears, addresses a black girl with a doll

280 Dolly comments to Billy about a passing jet

281 Outside church, Dolly comments to Bil, holding PJ

282 Leaving school, Billy comments sadly to a black friend

283 Halloween trick-or-treating: Bil's videotaping; Billy (?) speaks; Bart Simpson leaves

284 Thel is pouring coffee; Dolly comments to Jeffy

285 Thel reads a fortune cookie at the Chinese restaurant; Bil's writing a check

286 Jeffy contemplates Dolly's butt; Dolly speaking

287 The circle is a pizza, with one slice missing, revealing an angry Thel

288 The fam leaves "Souvenirs By George"; Billy's happy about his long thin package

289 Bil in his underwear weighs himself; the fam passes by, all dirty

290 Thel points the way for a crying Billy to leave the room

291 Dolly holds up a dress for her doll

292 Billy leaves the house carrying a toy boat

293 Dolly comments to PJ as they watch a witch flying on TV

294 Billy, prodded by O. Yeah, remembers something and wakes up his parents

295 Dolly makes a request of Kittycat, seated at the table; Jeffy smiles

296 Thel asks the kids about a flat square package

297 Barfy steals the football the kids and a frumpy Bil are playing with; Billy speaking

298 Dolly prances in with a bunch of flowers

299 Dolly comments to Billy as Thel talks to a pregnant blonde

300 Billy, opening a soda can, explains something to a Travolta-jacketed Grandma

301 Dolly keeps Jeffy and PJ out of the kitchen

302 Arriving at Grandma's, Jeffy starts talking before Grandma's unbolted the door

303 Billy explains something to Jeffy, as Bil regales a couple with some tiresome anecdote

304 Billy reaches for a puppy held by a black friend; Barfy & Sam look on

305 Jeffy is holding a tantrum despite his "I'm a Happy Camper" T-shirt; Dolly comforts him

306 Dolly points at an angry Billy, who's shining a flashlight in the dark

307 The fam (Bil unshaven) looks out from their tent at a rainy day; Dolly comments

308 The kids are watching a ninja or superhero on TV; Bil comes down the stairs; Dolly angrily addresses PJ

309 Dolly angrily addresses Jeffy who's apparently blown out her birthday cake

310 Jeffy tells Billy what Bil's telling him over the walkie-talkie, as they play with plastic soldiers

311 Billy is-- yes-- playing the piano with his ass, and addressing the other kids

312 Dolly points out something for Jeffy about his plateful of dirt

313 Thel and Bil carry Dolly between them as they walk in the park; Dolly speaking

314 Thel reminds Billy, leaving the house, to take his schoolbooks

315 Jeffy comments to a prissy-looking Bil about a waterfall

316 Billy, Jeffy, and Bil contemplate a "Deer Crossing" sign

317 The kids rush up to tell the parents something; they're camping

318 Outside, a rapturous Dolly confides something to Jeffy

319 Billy in doctor's outfit: "Anything you want taken out?" Bil has a smartass response

320 Bil is flying a kite with Jeffy; Dolly comments

321 Billy explains to Thel why he's leaving the house with a fishbowl

322 Bil on a seesaw (teeter-totter), outweighing all four kids; Billy speaking

323 Dolly comments to Jeffy as they contemplae a lone tree and a steep hill

324 Thel deals with a snarled fishing rod; Dolly's hair is snarled too

325 Billy offers some instruction to Bil, stupidly contemplating some firewood (camping again)

326 Billy asks Thel about Bil, relaxing by the tent listening to the radio

327 Jeffy points out a happy-looking PJ, in the front seat of the car in his carseat

328 Dolly has a bright insight while she, Jeffy, and Bil are fishing in a boat

329 Dolly reacts angrily, in a pool; there's a whirlpool next to her

330 PJ's coming down a slide to Bil; Dolly comments to Jeffy

331 Jeffy explains something to Thel about a broken plate; the other kids watch

332 Jeffy asks something about a big globe

333 Bil addresses a few timely words to Billy, who's leaning against a wall

334 Dolly comments to Thel, who's looking at a bright star outside at night

335 Picnic time, with another couple; Dolly asks Thel something

336 Billy, with his ear to a telephone pole, comments to the other kids

337 Billy explains a sloppy-looking garden to Bil, coming home in suit and tie

338 Dolly, in the bath, says something to a puzzled-looking Thel

339 Jeffy's in a treehouse; Billy points at Bil, who's attempting to climb up

340 The kitchen's a mess again; Dolly adds to Thel's misery

341 Dolly consoles Thel, as they sit alone at the dinner table while the menfolk run around outside

342 The kids are playing a board game; Dolly yells out to Thel as she answers the phone

343 Jeffy cries after seeing Bil's Fourth of July decoration of his tricycle

344 PJ's trying to push a wagon from inside using the handle; Jeffy offers advise

345 Jeffy scratches the cat's back with a backscratcher

346 Jeffy points out a flyswatter on the wall to Thel

347 Kittycat jumps off Jeffy, who protests about some injuries

348 Bil's pushing the kids in a wheelbarrow; Jeffy comments to Thel

349 Dolly comments to Barfy, and they and Sam watch Kittycat walk on the kitchen counter

350 Jeffy holds Kittycat and addresses some loving words to it

351 Dolly, in bed, with Kittycat, says something to Thel who's checking in on her

352 The kids are feeding Kittycat all sorts of things; Dolly yells an explanation off-panel

353 PJ, Barfy, and Jeffy look at Kittycat through the front window; Jeffy speaking

354 Jeffy points at PJ, who's in his table-chair again

355 Dolly points at a shadowy PJ and Kittycat in front of the window

356 Dolly is drawing a picture, and asks Bil something

357 Jeffy, hands dripping, points out a hand towel to Thel

358 Jeffy runs into the kitchen to comment to Thel about what's on TV

359 Kittycat contemplating an alarmed-looking bird in a cage; Dolly comments to Thel

360 Billy holds Barfy back from massacring Kittycat, held by Dolly

361 The kids are enthralled as Kittycat enters the house; Dolly speaking

362 The fam is in the car, off camping again; Billy speaking

363 Thel yells at Kittycat, who's jumping off the counter; Jeffy indicates a cowering Barfy

364 Dolly, on top of a shaky Bil who's carrying her through a pond, to Thel

365 Jeffy, while fishing, dreams of sitting on top of a giant fish

366 Thel's fixing hamburgers; Bil's reading the paper; Jeffy makes a request

367 Dolly to Jeffy, after they've crashed into a tree while sledding

368 Dolly to Thel, as she stands at the bedroom door with Jeffy watching her clean

369 Dolly looks on in horror as Jeffy consumes what was in her E-Z Bake Oven

370 A perky teacher addresses a roomful of parents, including Bil and Thel

371 Dolly enters the house, with a mop and covered with suds

372 Billy's is happily handing out his school pictures; Bil seems less impressed

373 The kids are in a hammock in the woods with Thel; Jeffy speaking

374 Jeffy asks a question of a spotted, smoking painter

375 Bil is erecting a framework in the yard; Billy climbs up and says something

376 Thel's feeding PJ in his chair-table; PJ covers his eyes; Jeffy comments

377 Bil playing solitaire as the kids watch; Dolly comments to Jeffy as he runs up

378 Billy, in the window, addesses some snow-suited friends outside

379 Dolly, in a restaurant with panty shield on head, addresses waiter with plate of worms

380 The Keanes' car is seen from the back; Billy abuses us from inside

381 Dolly, in pajamas, complains about Jeffy, who seems to be moonwalking

382 Billy, explaining to Bil why he's arranged some cards in a circle

383 Jeffy frantically turns the faucet, trying to stop a steam of water that's overflowing the sink

384 Thel is inspecting Billy's head as Bil arrives home; Jeffy examines his eye in the foreground

385 Thel comments to Bil, as the kids lie all over Barfy on the front lawn

386 Jeffy addressing an open door, with a cookie hidden behind his back

387 PJ slurps his food while looking at Barfy doing the same

388 Thel wakes up in the middle of the night as they're camping

389 Thel looks dispiritedly at Dolly, skipping out after leaving "Mother's Little Helper" all over the floor

390 Thel comments to Bil on the kid's empty classroom, at night

391 An angry Thel confronts Billy and Jeffy, watching TV from on top of a chair; Billy speaking

392 Billy explains something to a goofy-looking boy in the schoolyard

393 The kids carting toys through a messy living room as Thel irons; Dolly speaking

394 Thel hands a feather duster to Dolly, who points at it; Jeffy humps a vacuum

395 Billy happily informs Thel of something, as she ties his shoes

396 Dolly tells Barfy that his drooling is setting a bad example for PJ

397 Jeffy with two slices of bread outside in the yard

398 Dolly offers Bil some treats; the kitchen is a godawful mess

399 Billy addresses Grandma, with PJ on her lap and Grandpa rooting around for a clean shirt

400 Shopping, Thel asks the cookie lady something; the kids are pushing the cart

401 Thel looks at the kids' additions to the shopping list, including plaztic zoldierz

402 Thel attacks Jeffy on the couch; Dolly and Billy flee; Bil is on the phone

403 Jeffy calls out to Bil, who's stepped in something objectionable while leaving the house

404 Dolly to Thel who's washing dishes; Jeffy grooves nearby

405 Dolly explains a cageful of chicks and a rabbit to Jeffy

406 Jeffy recoils in horror at the pastry offered by Bil

407 Billy has a jaded reaction to the New Improved the TV is hawking

408 Jeffy riffles through a book of winter scenes; Dolly complains to Thel

409 Dolly, on a pillow, boasts about something to Jeffy as they watch TV

410 Jeffy, arms akimbo, looks royally pissed

411 Jeffy crawls out of bed, looks in the mirror, seems to have a hangover

412 Dolly happily plays the piano for PJ. The clock on the wall says 2:46

413 The kids are all fighting over whose valentine is best; Thel angrily intervenes

414 Billy shows off a basketful of Easter eggs to a black kid with a Wee Pals sweatshirt

415 Jeffy comments to Thel as she sits watching TV and reading

416 Dolly is crying, as Jeffy walks by in the background

417 Jeffy, leaning against the door, offers some advice to Thel, carrying PJ into the kitchen

418 Dolly shows off a palm frond, or some other monstrosity

419 Jeffy, in cowboy outfit, sits astride Bil

420 retired

421 retired

422 The kids are leaving, but Jeffy has a final word for Grandma

423 Billy, in sweater, shows a perfect 100 to Thel

424 Bil empties a jar into the sink, which goes OING OING OING; Jeffy comments

425 Jeffy shows his teddy bear to the X-ray security woman

426 Dolly is writing numbers; she has a page of 8's

427 Dolly to Thel, as she looks outside the window at the moon

428 Billy holds up a decorated Easter egg

429 Dolly, drawing a picture of a man, has a question

430 Billy comes home from a birthday party, shows off his new trumpet to Thel

431 Dolly comments as Billy and Jeffy fight furiously on the couch

432 Dolly looks into Thel's eyes and tells her something smarmy

433 Dolly has her hands on Billy's throat; he's in bed and looks pissed

434 Billy comments to Jeffy as Kittycat walks on by

435 Dolly proudly shows us a handful of an unidentifiable substance

436 Bil is reading "Tom Tom the Piper's Son"; Dolly comments

437 Dolly explains something to a befuddled Jeffy in front of the fireplace

438 Dolly addresses Thel, approaching on a city street with arms full of packages

439 Thel angrily addresses Jeffy, who's refusing what's on his plate

440 The kids and Thel watch an explosion outside at night, except for PJ, who's cowering with Barfy

441 Thel proudly leaves the kitchen with a turkey; but Jeffy is dreaming of a hamburger

442 Bil comes home, hugs Dolly; Jeffy runs to Thel to complain

443 Jeffy whispers to a smiling Billy in church; a fat lady next to them is crying; there's a bride and groom in the aisle

444 Jeffy, holding a rocket marked USA, answers the phone

445 Color panel: kids and Bil coming home with lollipops; Billy greets Thel

446 Jeffy advises Thel, who seems to be bleeding in the bathroom sink

447 Billy contemplates an animal cracker

448 Dolly keeps PJ from walking over the board game she's playing with Jeffy

449 Split panel: Dolly smiles at a dyke friend, then winks at us

450 Billy asks Thel something, at the restaurant named "Menu"

451 Dolly explains something to Jeffy, palms up, as Thel listens

452 Jeffy reprimands PJ, who's eating the rice instead of throwing it at the newlyweds

453 Bil quizzically slams a book shut; all the kids are in his lap

454 Jeffy contemplates a book with big pictures of Lincoln and Washington

455 The fam enters a Fine Seafood joint; Billy speaking

456 Dolly wipes her mouth, walking away from PJ at his chair-table, and says something to Billy

457 Thel tells something to a smudged-up Billy

458 Jeffy ostentatiously carries a dirty diaper to the trash as Thel changes PJ

459 Jeffy speaks on a big-ass cell phone while a radio blares

460 Everyone's eating dinner; Billy points into the air and speaks

461 Billy reads to Dolly from a paper he's writing, while Thel unpacks an electric pizza

462 Color cartoon: Thel explains her needs to a furniture salesman who's showing her a green armchair

463 Color: Bil hums happily to himself at his desk, as his coworkers look on in amusement or shock

464 Jeffy, pencil and paper in hand, asks Thel something; PJ squats

465 Thel points to one of Billy's collection of trinkets

466 The kids 'help' Thel make the bed; Dolly speaking

467 Billy explains to Jeffy why Dolly's sprawled out and Thel is collapsed in a chair in a wedding dress; Bil turns on the light

468 Dolly, placing a tooth under her pillow, comments to Billy

469 Billy talks to Santa as Thel furiously thumbs-down behind him

470 Dolly and Billy off to school, in winter; Billy addresses a big dog

471 Jeffy holds up a baseball to Bil; cartoon background is also a baseball

472 Color: Thel and two friends take tea at a restaurant; Thel titters

473 Dolly smugly comments to Jeffy on the "Snow White" title on the TV

474 Color: The four kids give Thel a group hump, er, hug, with hearts

475 Dolly cries as Billy rushes to catch a firefly on her turf

476 Dolly is a proud flower girl; Jeffy comments

477 Color: Jeffy's dotted line wanders all over the landscape; Bil's is straight

478 Dolly reading from "Snow White" to Bil; Billy and Jeffy run away holding their ears

479 Dolly, in rain gear, addresses Thel, looking wistfully out the door wearing a corncob housecoat

480 The four kids examine a display of wedding gifts; Jeffy speaking

481 Color: Bil at his studio door, making a point, carrying some FC cartoons

482 Billy to Bil, as the kids exit Sunday School

483 Billy addresses a bemused, well-dressed young couple who've just come in, confronting the family

484 Thel is leafing through "School Supplies"; Dolly offers advice

485 Color: Billy shows a picture of an airplane to Thel; both speaking

486 At school, Dolly has a word for the big-haired blonde teacher

487 Jeffy to Bil, as they're collecting rocks on a barren landscape

488 Jeffy and PJ raiding the vanilla wafers; PJ has a handful; Jeffy, with just one, complains to someone off-panel

489 Dolly (happy) and Billy (pissed) off to school; Jeffy throwing a hissy fit as Thel and PJ look on

490 Dolly walks into the kitchen where Thel is working; comments on the mess under PJ's eating table

491 PJ is on Thel's lap; Jeffy comes in, introducing some kid in an Alpine hat

492 Bil, sitting on a tuffet, explains something to preppyish Billy

493 Bil explains something to the 4 kids and Barfy, lined up before him; Christmas wreath in window

494 Dolly complains to Thel about the middle-aged egg-headed guest in the living room

495 Dolly comments to PJ, looking into the kitchen where Thel is frostily receiving the boys

496 Color: Bil on the golf course flubs a putt; an indeterminate ethnic holds up the flag

497 Thel, naked and mostly hidden behind a glass shower door, listens to shouts of "Mommy! Open up!"

498 Billy talking to Bil as he sits on his lap; both look basted; Thel listens in

499 The whole family, in Sunday best, meets a stranger in a suit; Bil speaking

500 P.J., wearing a yellow Devo jumpsuit and a single tear, stands looking at a repulsive clown on the TV.