In honor of my fifth anniversary as a Rocky fan, I decided I’d do something different for this one. Enjoy.

To The Rocky Horror Virgin In The Back Row,

Hi there, my name’s John. I’ve been going to this odd little film you’ve stumbled into for five years now. Over the past five years, I’ve seen it in theatres about ten times now, more than any other movie I’ve ever seen. Only Star Wars: The Force Awakens comes close with four. My first time was on September 30th, 2011 at a little amphitheatre in the city of Evansville. That amphitheatre’s closed now; that was the last time it was ever shown there. Kinda sad, really.

I’d like to tell you what I’ve learned over the past few years, maybe you’ll take these to heart, maybe you won’t. You’re the reader. You decide; I can’t decide for you.

1. It’s ok to not know what you’re getting into.

I made it a point not to see the film until I saw it that first time so the shock was still there when Frankie threw his cape off. Yeah, I didn’t know what to do or what to say, but I took it all in anyway, and I learned as I went. Isn’t that how life is, anyway?

2. Know your limits.

In short, don’t be an ass. Know when to keep your mouth shut so you don’t annoy the guy sitting in front of you. That’s something I’m still trying to learn, both at Rocky and in life. This also takes another meaning: don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. If you don’t feel comfortable wearing a corset (in more ways than one), don’t. I’ve always said that I’ve wanted to go as Frankie sometime, but I never had the courage to. I’ll get there someday, I say. It just takes time. You’ll get there.

3. Never go alone.

This is the most important advice I can ever give you. Rocky Horror is always more fun when you have a friend with you to share it with. Make it a big thing; call up your buddies, go to Denny’s or some 24-hour eatery, go to a haunted house beforehand, have fun with it. Better still, when you have a screening under your belt, take someone who’s never seen it. Let them learn from you the way you learned from the person who took you. You may find you love it even more afterwards.

Reading over this, I kinda realize that these lessons can actually apply in life the way they do at a screening of Rocky Horror. It just goes to show how important this film is and how much of a rite of passage it is seeing it live. I feel like I’m a better person for having Brad, Janet, Frank, Rocky, Riff Raff, Magenta, Columbia, Eddie, and Dr. Scott in my life, and I hope you’ll feel that way too many years down the road. Thanks for being here on this rather special night. Enjoy the show.

Sincerely,

John

Dedicated to Crimzyn, Dare, Casey, Jake, Zack, Adam J., Tim, and everyone who’s accompanied me to the castle. Thanks for everything. Stop by again sometime.