So let’s talk about James Deen.

It’s likely you won’t appreciate what I’m going to say. It’s possible this will end a few friendships and a several business relationships. So be it. I’ve spent this last week sick to my stomach because, as a man, I’m not allowed to speak about this, and I’m tired of it.

Here’s the thing; James Deen is an asshole. I know because I’m an asshole, and it takes one to know one. He won’t deny that. He’s had moments of being a prick, a diva, and a rough sex performer.

That’s a very different thing than being a rapist. And it’s also something you could say about every single man in this industry from time to time. I don’t care who the guy is, somewhere there are ten girls with the same stories about him, possibly true, possibly not, probably somewhere in the middle.

This is a long email, so let me save you the read if you like. Below, I’m going to go through, point-by-point, and explain why this is bullshit. And the thrust is, if you’re a woman, it’s time to speak up. A dozen women in the industry have told me “I wish I could say something.”

Well, it’s TIME. Even if you think I’m full of shit, you should speak up. But if, like Jodi Taylor, Asphyxia, Julia Ann, Lisa Ann (Jesus Christ, I’m actually forced to side with LISA ANN, people!), you think this has been a fucked-up embarrassing sideshow, it’s time for you to grow a pair and stand up. As women, you are the only ones who can. The men in the room aren’t allowed into this public discussion; we’re instantly discounted.

I think it’s time to get involved.

But let’s talk about what I KNOW, because I feel that maybe I have some insight into this that others don’t. Let’s start with Stoya.

I know that Stoya posted a scene with James and Dana Vespoli on her website, Trenchcoat X, the morning before her tweets that began this mess. Then, later that day, she learned from Conor Habib that James and his current girlfriend are buying a house together, and that’s when all hell broke loose.

I know that the reason James broke it off with Stoya is he got tired of her threatening to kill herself, and alternately, him. The night it came to a head she was hanging from his balcony over a fatal drop threatening to let go. When he decided to call 911, she told him she would claim assault and rape if the cops came.

When he didn’t want to foot the bill to ship her things back to New York, she again threatened rape. She used the phrase “all I have to do is say it. Who’s going to believe you?” I’ve seen the texts.

This isn’t new. She did the same thing to Marilyn Manson. Just ask Tony Ciulla, his manager. Unfortunately, neither of them can or will go on the record because, again, men. Not allowed.

I know that for months after they split, Stoya was texting James begging him to stay in her life and take her back. “You’re my heroin,” she would say. He still has those texts as well, and is resisting the urge to release them because he’s such an asshole.

I know that five weeks after they split, Stoya HIRED James to shoot this scene with HER, that she directed. Because she was that upset about the “rape.” Please watch this scene unfold and draw your own conclusion as to their dynamic

This leads me to Joanna Angel.<– REDACTED—>. Was he emotionally abusive to her at the end of the relationship? Absolutely. He doesn’t deny it, and would do it differently if he could.

Was the relationship a living hell from the beginning, as Joanna now tells the story? No. Plainly not. And was James the only one at fault for their issues and their breakup? I think we all know that simply isn’t how relationships work. Was he the prime culprit? Yes. But Joanna had her own issues.

AND AT NO TIME DID HE RAPE HER. EVER. So WHAT, precisely, does her harbored anger and bitterness about James’ success in the business (Because that’s the REAL story here, ya’all) have to do with Stoya accusing him of rape?

Zero. Nothing. This is simply Joanna’s need to grab the spotlight so she can trash Bryan because she’s plainly not over him. She isn’t supporting Stoya; she’s indulging her own resent, and I find it shameful.

Again, there’s being a dick and being a rapist. Two different things.

The Ashley Fires story I like. While she CERTAINLY isn’t telling it to get attention, the salient point is that she said “No, James!” …and he STOPPED. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what your SUPPOSED to do when you misread the signals and get out of line, isn’t it?

To Amber Rayne, who disappoints me most, and Lily LaBeau, I say this: Porn is a full-contact sport. Especially if you’re doing a rough scene. Both of these stories have been conflated since I first heard them, particularly Amber’s, but even if they were true as told, neither girl had any lack of understanding as to what she was getting into.

An NFL player doesn’t get to bitch about a torn hamstring or a concussion from a hard tackle. That’s what you fucking signed up for. When Lily got her jaw dislocated, Kink was still Kink. It was serious business shooting for them, and many girls wisely declined because it wasn’t their thing.

But you KNEW what you were getting into going in.

Look, this isn’t independent film, and porn stars aren’t actors. They’re athletes hired to exploit their physicality for the entertainment of others. Sex is our business, so, right or wrong, those personal physical boundaries just don’t exist. And not just for women; ask Prince or St. Croix or Anthony Hardwood about their penis injuries.

Everyone on set gets groped, molested, flirted with. Sexual harassment is our entire business model.

As for Chico Wang, he was renowned – and despised – for shooting exactly what Amber describes (Except for the closed fist; if you dig up the scene, you’ll see James is slapping her, not punching her). You simply didn’t work for Chico unless you were either A: a brand new girl with a skeezy agent, or B: tough enough to take it.

It’s also worth noting that even in her version of the story, when she got a tear, Chico and James wanted to stop, and SHE insisted on finishing the scene. So James didn’t put her out of work, SHE did.

I’ve also known Amber long enough to know that she has an extremely tenuous relationship with the truth. Just ask her “where are you right now,” and you’ll understand.

Which brings me to Tori Lux. You have to be a pretty major drug addict to get drummed out of porn, but she did it. I’ve been in porn long enough to know that James sitting on a girl’s chest holding her down and punching her in the face in the middle of a working shoot simply didn’t happen. That’s just not the real world.

Maybe all of this makes me a rape apologist. Apparently I’m not allowed to suggest that Stoya might just be flat-out lying, even though she has a history of threatening rape as a weapon. And the other girls listed above certainly weren’t chiming in “just to get attention.” That would never happen.

Draw your own conclusions. My conclusion is this is fucking ridiculous.