I am unwell. My mind, my heart, and my soul are broken. And out of this brokenness, a rage has grown. In defending my emotions and broken heart after this attack to a coworker, her response was simply "we all have a lot going on." As rage inducing as this is, America simply does not understand the impact this has on every LGBT person; so before I highlight my solutions, allow me to enlighten you. The Pulse massacre has reaffirmed and legitimized every fear I have ever had as an LGBT person. In more than four years together, I have never kissed my boyfriend in public, or even held his hand at dinner for fear of persecution and ridicule and while I've always felt my fears of derision or humiliation were legitimate, I also always felt that my dreads of being attacked or killed were irrational and excessive.That feeling has been stripped of me and I am left with the perfectly rational fear that I can be senselessly murdered for who I love. Americans do not understand that all LGBT people have a persistent fear- everywhere they go, every time they meet new people, or start a new job, there is the real possibility that someone speaks out against us. We are made uncomfortable even if everyone is LGBT friendly because the world has taught us to be cautious and fearful of rejection. Pulse, and the hidden gems around America like it, are an escape from this constant fear- an escape from the relentless apprehension of being ourselves. It is only in these precious spaces that we not only feel safe and comfortable, but we feel normal. We go to gay clubs to escape not only the extreme homophobes, but to escape the systemic and persistent attacks against our community. The daily micro and macro-aggressions against our population cease to exist for just a few hours as we dance and sing together. This tragedy affects me as an American, as a Floridian, as a UCF knight, and as an Orlando resident. But this has touched me (and every LGBT person I know) so personally as an attack against my community- one that has been attacked every single day as long as history has been recorded. This affects me first and foremost as an LGBT person and eliminating the context of this massacre is a disgrace and truly is offensive to the 102 victims in this attack. Erasing us is a continued attack on 49 innocent people who were slain for who they were. Do not dare tell us not to politicize this. America politicized our very existence. We have had to fight for our right to marry and the fight continues as we can be fired, or denied services without repercussion. I am allowed to politicize this. Every historical action against our community contributed to this attack. America chose the path of most resistance and in doing so, created a world where people think it is okay to murder gay people. We have decided to create and reaffirm a world where LGBT youth are at the highest risk for suicide, homelessness, drug addiction, and STD's. We have continually decided to resist normalization and make LGBT people feel lesser than. We stare these facts in the face and say "this is acceptable." We know that homophobia causes hardship for LGBT people and we idly sit by as Congress denies laws protecting us from discrimination or attacks. These actions are not innocent. You cannot vote against LGBT people and then be "shocked" when 49 people die at the hands of a homophobe. America, you politicized this, and we as a community will fight back.And lastly, I speak to my community. We cannot be #onepulse, or #oneorlando, or #oneworld unless you cut your racist, homophobic bullshit out. If you have "no femmes, no fats, no blacks" listed on your Grindr profile, you are a part of the problem. Fractioning our community does not create #onepulse. "Whites only" is not a preference, it is racism. Educate yourself. Remember that this attack, and the overwhelming majority of LGBT hate crimes do not happen to white men- they happen to Latinx and black populations. Your job is to step up, to speak out, and end this cycle we are in. Your privilege gives you responsibility to speak up for your community and those less privileged than you.I more fearful than ever, but I am full of rage and I will not be silenced. I will dedicate my life to progress, to making all LGBT people feel safe. I will make a difference and I will ensure that #onepulse means something, or I will die trying.