When it comes to conversation, we seldom consider the opportunities presented to us in terms of the exclusive experience that we, ourselves, can provide to the individual with whom we’re conversing.

For instance, it’s unlikely that a coach / mentor will be able to provide you with a deeper feeling of passion, love, and connection than your spouse. This isn’t to say that a coach is unable to provide you with that experience, but rather that they do not have as great of a potential to do so as your significant other.

It’s this exact distinction amongst the individuals in our lives on which the depth of a relationship often depends. On one end of that spectrum, we have ‘water cooler relationships’ which are based around the daily five-minute briefs on common topics (e.g. family, weather,…) with little to no perspective offered. While, on the other end, we have ‘my team’ relationships which provide us with an exclusive outlook on life.

And just as the depth of a relationship will often depend on this outlook, so too does the possibility for the relationship to succeed often depend upon how well that outlook aligns with your core values. Consider my ‘Core Values Color Wheel’ from the Committed Values Assessment.

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When I enumerate a few of the most meaningful relationships present in my life, you see that:

My Co-Founder for Committed is deeply committed to the practice of unlearning and self-improvement, serving as a great support for my value of Curiosity .

. My Powerlifting Coach has a wealth of experience that he leverages to push me every week to see me grow, supporting my value of Ambition .

. My Girlfriend supports my value of Passion by giving me someone to live for and providing me with a sense of connection and love that I have never before experienced from anyone else.

While I could go on, I don’t wish to belabor the point. If you are looking for more meaningful relationships, lean in to the unique role that you have either created for yourself or been afforded to play in the lives of your peers. Owning this role opens up the possibility for relationships to reach new depths and greater levels of meaning.

This is not me advocating for the shunning of water cooler banter or common social conventions, but rather promoting the complementing of their mundane nature with something unique and individual.

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Consider some of the most meaningful relationships in your life. When’s the last time you did something for the other person in one of those relationships which they would enjoy but are unlikely to get from their other relationships?

To add to this, how can you support them more effectively? While I may say ‘I Love You’ to my girlfriend each day, it’s not the same as getting her a bouquet of flowers and writing her a card because her boss laid in to her at work that morning. While the former is certainly a nice thing for me to say that she won’t hear from many other people (save family), the latter is more nuanced and a demonstration of that passion applied at the situational level.

And it’s exactly these unique and nuanced experiences which promote greater depth within our relationships and lives. So, if you have the chance to support someone in your life in a unique and individual way, lean in and own it!

Further Reading