Have you been saving up your hard earned money in order to send your pup to college? Well, I hope you don’t live in Hartford, CT where doggy education is against the law. Does your dog enjoy a good single malt in his water dish from time to time? Better not move to Chicago!

We love bringing you the wild and the weird when it comes to dogs, so for your amusement we’ve compiled a list of the strangest laws regarding pups in the U.S. Some of these will make you go, “Whaaaaaaaaaat?” and some will make your jaw drop from disbelief.

1. You cannot tie your pet dog to the roof of a car in Anchorage, Alaska.

I wonder why this basic nugget of common sensical truth had to be a law. Someone…somewhere…is responsible for this.

2. In Little Rock, Arkansas, dogs are not allowed to bark after 6 PM.

While excessive barking might be a problem, who are we to impose such a law on these poor pooches? It’s like asking humans to stop talking after 6PM.

3. No dog is allowed to be in a public place without its master on a leash in Belvedere, California.

This is actually a law! Someone was messin’ with the rules and they did a pretty brilliant job of sneaking this gem in.

4. In Denver, Colorado, the dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting (for three consecutive days) a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road through said park to make sure dogs don’t miss the notice.

Looks like Colorado dogs read at a 7th grade level.

5. In Hartford, Connecticut, you aren’t allowed to educate dogs.

Aww drat…my dog had his heart set on going away to college at the University of Hartford. He was planning on studying doge law too. Oh well. Guess he’ll just have to go to Yale instead.

6. It’s illegal to give a dog whiskey in Chicago, Illinois

What is this? Amateur hour? No alcohol period, folks. Dogs and alcohol do not mix.

7. In Galesburg, Illinois, no person may keep a smelly dog.

Smelly dog, smeeelly dog… what are they feeding you? Smelly dog, smeeeelly dog…it’s not your fault.

8. And in North Brook, Illinois, it’s against the law for a dog to bark for more than 15 minutes.

Looks like someone needs to invent a dog bark timer so that dogs can take the appropriate break after 15 minutes and start back up again.

9. Dogs are not allowed to molest cars in Fort Thomas, Kentucky

We’re guessing all the bad boy pups come out at night and go around humping cars just to break this ridogulous law.

10. In International Falls, Minnesota, cats are not permitted to chase dogs up telephone poles.

The more concerning issue here is that dogs in International Falls may have an identity crisis. Remember pups, dogs rule and cats drool. You do not want to be a cat.

11. Fights between cats and dogs are not allowed in Barber, North Carolina

And by default, the phrase, “Fighting like cats and dogs,” is out as well!

12. In Oklahoma, dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Well, you know what they say: two’s company, and three’s a pack.

13. Also in Oklahoma, people who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be subject to fines and/or jail.

Not really sure about how this law’s implemented, since beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder but okay…

14. A police officer in Palding, Ohio, may bite a dog to quiet him, as long as it is in the line-of-duty.

Uhhh, what? #Weird.

15. In Madison, Wisconsin, dogs are not allowed to worry squirrels in the public park next to the capitol.

Because squirrels have to focus on passing important bills and laws and dogs just distract them from doing their civic duty and serving the people of Madison.

A photo posted by Bo (@boandlife) on May 8, 2016 at 7:56am PDT

Sources: Dog Watch, The Doggy World, Pet Centric, Dog Time, and Dumb Laws.

Featured image via Last Week Tonight With John Oliver