All my life, there have been certain things I've wanted but never owned. It hasn't been due to expense or illegality (with the exception of that one mail-order sex robot I saw). Instead, I felt that I just wasn't cool enough to use these things. Often, they belonged to some other time. It was no longer something that everyone had, so owning it now just felt like an act of trying too hard. I couldn't pull it off without feeling self-conscious.

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No, not things like this. I can pull off leather chaps easy.

Now, that might sound like a lack of self-esteem, but it's really not, because in truth I think most people aren't cool enough to own these things. They belong to another period, another spirit, and if you disrespect that and drag them kicking and screaming into your time and place, you won't be fooling anyone.