WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

In some shocking news breaking this afternoon, the Australian Border Force has today claimed that boomers have been thrown off a cruise ship and into the sea.

The sensational and appalling claims come after 1700 passengers on a cruise ship due to dock in WA were not allowed to disembark after 250 people on board reported ‘respiratory illness.’

“It sickens me to stand here today and inform you about what has just occurred onboard a cruise liner,” explained Border Force spokesperson Rita Peith today in a suspiciously similar turn of events to that infamous incident in 2001.

“I produce this extremely blurry photo that doesn’t really show a whole lot, and inform you that passengers on a cruise ship have just thrown some of their fellow boomers off the ship to into the ocean in an effort to brought back onto the mainland,” Peith explained.

“It shocks me to my core, that humans would do this to fellow humans,” she continued gradually pulling the photo further and further away as people tried to get a closer look and confirm the actual contents of the image.

“We will not be allowing the cruise ship filled with these people onto the shore to infect our nation with COVID-19.”

“We are a humane nation, but we’re not a nation that’s going to be intimidated by this kind of behaviour,” chimed in the spokesperson for Home Affairs Rill Fuddock, filling in for Comrade Dutton who is still in isolation on Christmas Island.

When pressed on some more details of the information that seemed suspiciously similar to that time the Howard government lied about asylum seekers throwing their children overboard, the pair abruptly ended the conference.

“There have been boomers overboard and that’s all there is to it. Boomers overboard. We are turning the boats around. Boomers overboard. You got that? Boomers overboard, just seed that phrase out okay.”

The pair then stormed off.

More to come.