2. I pop your balloons when you are at school.

3. I throw away your drawings, but I have saved every birthday card that you ever made for me.

4. I am the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. However, Santa Claus is real.

5. Calliou has always been our go-to babysitter when Mom and Dad need some adult alone time. Because of that Calliou’s theme song kind of turns me on.

6. I am not as strong as you think I am.

7. I blamed my farts on you when you were a baby.

8. I have nicknames for you, the kind of nicknames I can’t repeat in public so I won’t.

9. I wouldn’t drink out of your glass for one million dollars.

10. I steal the quarters out of your piggy bank.

11. I have a favorite child, but it just changes by the day. So don’t ask. Unless you like playing Russian roulette.

12. I sometimes wish I were eating your chicken nuggets and mozzarella sticks rather than my spinach and fish fillet.

13. If you are looking for a Lego piece that you cannot find then you should stop because I threw that shit out weeks ago.

14. The half-hour before your bedtime I am not listening to a word that you’re saying because I am thinking only of a glass of wine.

15. I know that it is you who is putting boogies on the wall.

16. I take your excess Halloween and Easter candy and leave it on the break room table at work. And I don’t even like those people.

17. I only like to play with you when you let me make up the rules.

18. You are a better student than I ever was. By far! It’s not even close.

19. I watch you in your sleep.

20. I eat your sugar cereal after you go to bed.

21. I kind of like it when you wake up in the middle of the night and get in bed with me.

22. I fantasize over having an empty nest.

23. I have essentially met all my current friends through you. Without you as my crutch I am something of a social midget.

24. I consider you my best friend. However, you’d rather hang out with your best friend Christian.

25. I lose sleep over your future. Sometimes it’s all I can think about.