Warren Buffet says the rich aren’t being taxed enough. That’s an impossible-to-solve problem as long as rich people control the government.

Or is it?

I got my MBA from the University of California at Berkeley. I will now make them proud by showing you the most important thing I remember from the program: “There’s always a deal to be made.”

If the government simply says to rich people, “Give us more money,” the rich people will say, “Go pound deficits up your ass.” No one agrees to pay extra taxes without a fight, and the super rich are more powerful than the government. We’ll have to come at this from a fresh angle.

What if the government could give something of value to the rich in return for paying higher taxes? It would have to be something that didn’t cost the government or its citizens any real money. How about extra rights?

I smell a deal.

This concept depends on the fact that there aren’t many super rich people in the population. We could grant this tiny group of people some extra rights without even noticing the loss.

For example, let’s say the super rich are granted the right to use the carpool lane even if no one else is in the car. They’d need special stickers on their cars so they didn’t get pulled over. It wouldn’t clog the car pool lane because there are so few super rich people, and half of them have chauffeurs, so they use the carpool lane already. Society wouldn’t notice the difference.

And what if we allowed the super rich to park in front of fire hydrants? Then they’d always have a parking place, and being rich, they wouldn’t mind so much in the unlikely event the fire department had to smash all their windows to run a hose.

How about giving the super rich five votes in each election? Their extra votes would have almost no impact compared to the large amounts of money they already donate to candidates. Again, society wouldn’t even notice.

How about letting the super rich have DVDs of movies while the film is still in theaters? The super rich could watch the movies in their own home theaters, and even pay $1,000 per copy so the movie studio makes a profit. The super rich probably don’t like going to public theaters, and the public isn’t hurt if a few people see a movie at home ahead of schedule.

Let’s also say the super rich are exempt from jury duty. Realistically, they probably get out of serving now if they want, but it saves them the hassle of making up an excuse. Throw that extra right on the list. No one would notice.

We could also relax drug laws for the super rich. Let them drink, snort, inject, and pop anything they want, so long as they don’t operate a motor vehicle. The super rich can afford to have someone else do the driving. They can also afford an addiction without becoming burglars to pay for the habit. Society loses nothing if a billionaire gets high.

Maybe we could also let the super rich name new streets and government buildings. They could name them after themselves, or use it as an opportunity for revenge, e.g. Carlisaputz Avenue. It wouldn’t cost the poor anything, and it might make life more interesting.

You might say all of these extra privileges would never equal the tens of millions in extra taxes the super rich would have to pay each year. But the value of a thing is determined partly by its scarcity. If these extra rights were available only to the super rich, those rights would start looking special, whereas a few extra million in tax savings won’t contribute to their quality of life in any way. I think a deal could be made.

Perhaps you will say there is a psychological cost to the poor in that it will increase their resentment of the super rich. But realistically, how much extra resentment could anyone generate about a guy who has his own golden helicopter and uses a supermodel as a fluffer?

Can you think of more rights that can be granted to the super rich in return for their tax money? The key is that those extra rights have to have no significant impact on other people.

Go.