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Alrighty. Two Zappa produced double albums. Both released in 1969, both sprawling and ambitious, both with twenty eight tracks, one is by my third favorite band, the other is my third favorite album ever, so this should be good.

Let’s get it on!

1. “Uncle Meat Theme” v “Frownland”

Going with “Frownland” on this one. “Uncle Meat Theme” is a great little piece, but the utterly psychotic quality of “Frownland” speaks to me.

2. “The Voice Of Cheese” v “The Dust Blows Forward N’ The Dust Blows Back”

Both spoken word, but I’m going with “Dust Blows Forward” on this one.

3. “Nine Types Of Industrial Pollution” v “Dachau Blues”

Going with the Mothers this time, love, love, LOVE “Nine Types Of Industrial Pollution”. I love “Dachau Blues” as well and against most tracks on Uncle Meat, it would win. But not “Nine Types Of Industrial Pollution”.

4. “Zolar Czakl” v “Ella Guru”

Going with “Ella Guru”, that’s such a fun, weird song.

5. “Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague” v “Hair Pie: Bake 1”

Oh wow, this will hurt. “Dog Breath” is a lot of fun, but “Hair Pie: Bake 1” has this chaotic free jazz feel that I dig, so I’m going with “Hair Pie” on this one.

6. “The Legend Of The Golden Arches” v “Moonlight On Vermont”

This is fairly easy, I’m going with “Moonlight On Vermont”.

7. “Louie Louie” v “Pachuco Cadaver”

I love “Louie Louie” on Uncle Meat, but this has to be “Pachuco Cadaver”.

8. “The Dog Breath Variations” v “Bills Corpse”

No contest, “Dog Breath”, one of my favorite Mothers tracks.

9. “Sleeping In A Jar” v “Sweet Sweet Bulbs”

Bah! I love “Sleeping In A Jar”, but this has to go to “Sweet Sweet Bulbs”, one of my favorite Beefheart tracks.

10. “Our Bizarre Relationship” v “Neon Meate Dream Of A Octofish”

“Neon Meate” is the clear winner here.

11. “The Uncle Meat Variations” v “China Pig”

Hmm. I really love “China Pig”, but I’m giving this to the Mothers.

12. “Electric Aunt Jemina” v “My Human Gets Me Blues”

This is a hard one, but I have to go with “My Human Gets Me Blues”.

13. “Prelude To King Kong” v “Dali’s Car”

These are two great tracks, but I go with “Dali’s Car”.

14. “Hair Pie: Bake 2” v “God Bless America-Live At The Whiskey”

Going with “God Bless America” on this one.

At the halfway point, we have the Mothers Of Invention at 4, and Beefheart And The Magic Band at 10.

15. “A Pound For A Brown On The Bus” v “Pena”

This will hurt, but I gotta “A Pound For A Brown On The Bus”.

16. “Ian Underwood Whips It Out” v “Well”

Easy, The Straight Member Whipping It Out wins for me.

17. “Mr Green Genes” v “When Big Joan Sets Up”

Going with “Mr Green Genes” just for Ray Collin’ vocal.

18. “We Can Shoot You” v “Fallin’ Ditch”

Going with “We Can Shoot You” on this one.

19. “If We’d All Been Living In California” v “Sugar N Spikes”

“Sugar N Spikes”.

20. “The Air” v “Ant Man Bee”

Mmmm, this will be a bitch, but I have to give it to “Ant Man Bee”.

21. “Project X” v “Orange Claw Hammer”

Going with “Project X”.

22. “Cruisin For Burgers” v “Wild Life”

While I do love “Cruisin For Burgers”, I’m going with “Wild Life” on this one.

23. “King Kong Itself (As Played By The Mothers In A Studio)” v “She’s Too Much For My Mirror”

Gotta go with Part One of “King Kong”.

24. “King Kong (Its Magnificence As Interpreted By Dom De Wilde)” v “Hobo Chang Ba”

I love Don so much, but I’m giving it to “Hobo Chang Ba”.

25. “King Kong (As Motorhead Explains It)” v “The Blimp”

Tight squeeze but giving it to “The Blimp”.

26. “King Kong (The Gardner Varieties)” v “Steal Softly Thru Snow”

Going with Bunk on this one.

27. “King Kong (As Played By 3 Deranged Good Humor Trucks)” v “Old Fart At Play”

This is fairly easy, “Old Fart At Play”.

28. “King Kong (Live On A Flat Bed Diesel In The Middle of a Race Track At A Miami Pop Festival…The Underwood Ramifications)” v “Veterans Day Poppy”

I do really love the conclusion to “King Kong” a lot, but I’m giving it to “Veterans Day Poppy”.

Trout Mask Replica wins 17-11. TMR is one of my favorite albums, and Uncle Meat tends to compete with Money as my favorite Mothers album. And it still held its own against Trout.