As Woody Harrelson playfully suggested in the ’90s, white men can’t jump.

But as our local hoops team has reiterated for four decades, white men can – especially if they’re tall and foreign – play for the Dallas Mavericks.

Their latest Great White Hope: Kristaps Porzingis.

The talented, 7-foot-3 Latvian was officially introduced to DFW Monday in the wake of last week’s trade with the New York Knicks. The takeaways:

*Porzingis won’t play this season as he rehabs from a torn ACL and works on a “physical makeover” aimed at making him stronger and more durable for 2020.

*Owner Mark Cuban has every intention of signing the All-Star to a long-term contract this summer. “I can answer that for you,” Cuban jokingly interrupted a question to Porzingis regarding his desire to stay in Dallas. “Yeah, he does.” Echoed Dallas’ newest star, “We’re on the same page. Don’t even ask.”

*Porzingis, 23, shares the Mavs’ vision of being paired with good friend and rookie sensation Luka Doncic, 19, to produce the pillars of a foundation that can perennially compete for NBA championships. “I get excited every time I think about it,” he said. “I really think we can be something special.”

With Doncic and Dirk Nowitzki watching in the wings and Porzingis smiling in the spotlight, the press conference at American Airlines Center oozed with pass-the-torch giddiness. The 40-year-old Nowitzki, the most decorated European player in NBA history and liberator of the Mavs’ lone title, is in the midst of what feels uncomfortably like a farewell tour. Meanwhile, Doncic and Porzingis – with a combined age of 42 – are at the dawn of a partnership in which they could realistically ascend to multiple MVPs and championships.

“This is one of the most exciting times I think that I’ve ever been a part of,” said general manager Donnie Nelson, the architect of Mavs trades the past 21 years. “These two are going to put their own signatures on their positions.”

The last Mavericks press conference to incite such frenzied, long-term optimism occurred in the bowels of Reunion Arena on June 29, 1998, when Donnie introduced another set of newbie teammates, similarly aged 20 and 23. In the last 32 years there have been only two white NBA MVPs, and the Mavs acquired them both on the same day:

Dirk Nowitzki. Steve Nash.

“It was my mistake not to keep Dirk and Steve together longer,” Cuban told the New York Times this week. “I won’t make the same mistake with Luka and KP. I want to keep them together for 20 years.”

That the trade for Porzingis occurred on the eve of Black History Month is purely coincidental. As is the Mavs’ horrible history of instead landing the next Great White Nope.

While an ugly culture of sexually inappropriate behavior was recently uncovered in the team’s front office, there is absolutely zero evidence to suggest the Mavs operate on even a shred of racism or racial profiling. They have employed a black CEO (Cynthia Marshall), president (Terdema Ussery), head coaches (Quinn Bucker, Jim Cleamons and Avery Johnson), star players (Rolando Blackman, Mark Aguirre and Jason Terry), TV analysts (Derek Harper and Cedric Ceballos) and lofty draft pick busts (Doug Smith, Randy White and Samaki Walker, taken over Kobe Bryant).

Their penchant for adorning their frontcourt with more white stiffs than a Viagra-sponsored Republican orgy is comical, not criminal.

It is also, however, undeniable.

In a league dominated by Kanye, the Mavericks have eternally trotted out Eminem.

Plopping an unathletic ivory tower in the middle of their organization is a trend that drastically pre-dates Porzingis and even Nowitzki. It transcends millenniums, coaches, owners, arenas and eras. It’s the (mostly) flawed preference by everyone from Don Carter to Dick Motta to Donnie Nelson:

Refined, Finesse Skill over Brute, Raw Talent.

The Mavs haven’t consciously been trying to amass Virginia governor Ralph Northam’s favorite fantasy team all these years, it’s just that their light-skinned lineage has generally produced a big, soft, white, harmless interior – the Dallas Marshmallows. Other NBA teams often employ the same strategy with similar failures. For every Kareem Adbul-Jabbar, there is a Neal Walk. For every Shaquille O’Neal, there is a Dwyane Schintzius. And for every Anthony Davis, there is a Timofey Mozgov.

Three times in the last 42 years, a team has chosen a white player with the No. 1 overall pick in the NBA draft. Each time, a center. Each time, regrettably. In ’77, the Milwaukee Bucks took Kent Benson when they should’ve chosen Hall of Famer Bernard King. In ’05, the Bucks selected Andrew Bogut over, among others, Chris Paul. In ’06, the Toronto Raptors inexplicably pegged Andrea Bargnani as a better player than LaMarcus Aldridge.

The Mavericks, however, are the unequivocal leaders in bagging crappy Casper. No NBA team has drafted, traded for, signed and been disappointed by more white elephant gag gifts. No franchise sells itself, and its fans, more (big) little white lies.

When conventional thinking would suggest coveting skill sets highlighted by strength, timing and vertical leap, the Mavs instead cherished pale plodders with all the athleticism of an 82-year-old flailing at a swarm of bees. More often than not, Dallas’ Caucasian centers have been weak, slow afoot and downright gangly. Their physical composition is a giraffe on ice skates. Their mental makeup a soft and subtle snowflake, more likely to sell you life insurance than dunk in your mug.

These, mind you, are merely the Mavs’ big men. We can dismiss the likes of original draft pick Kiki Vandeweghe, Jim Farmer, Brian Quinnett, Antoine Rigaudeau, Gal Mekel, Matt Carroll and Ryan Broekhoff, and still construct a laughable legacy of white height that should’ve been red-flagged.

Sure, Brad Davis has his retired number hanging from the rafters, Peja Stojakovic helped win the trophy in ’11 and Nowitzki is the franchise’s signature player, but the Mavs are more so littered with giant, ghoulish ghosts … their very own 50 Shades of Nay.

Tom LaGarde.

Ralph Drollinger.

Scott Lloyd.

Pat Cummings.

Bill Garnett.

Charlie Sitton.

Kurt Nimphius.

Detlef Schrempf.

Uwe Blab.

Bill Wennington.

Jim Grandholm.

John Shasky.

Walter Palmer.

Radisav Curcic.

Darren Morningstar.

David Wood.

Cherokee Parks.

Greg Dreiling.

Loren Meyer.

Shawn Bradley.

Martin Muursepp.

Eric Montross.

Fred Roberts.

Chris Anstey.

Bruno Sundov.

Bill Curley.

Christian Laettner.

Raef LaFrentz.

Evan Eschmeyer.

Keith Van Horn.

Pavel Podkolzin.

Austin Croshere.

Nick Fazekas.

Sasha Pavlovic.

Brian Cardinal.

Troy Murphy.

Chris Kaman.

David Lee.

Zaza Pachulia.

Chandler Parsons.

Andrew Bogut.

Jeff Withey.

Josh McRoberts.

Doug McDermott.

Kyle Collinsworth.

Maxi Kleber.

Garnett, the fourth overall pick in the ’82 draft, lasted only two seasons in Dallas after averaging 5.7 points. Schrempf (selected over Karl Malone), Blab and Wennington were chosen in the top 17 picks in ’85, making it the most infamous draft in Mavs history. Parks (12th overall) and Meyer (24th) were ’95 first-rounders that started only a combined 40 games.

Then-coach Don Nelson pronounced Anstey “the best running big man in the NBA” in taking him with the 18th overall pick in ’97, but the Australian was gone after two unproductive seasons. LaFrentz, the 3-point shooting kryptonite that was going to emasculate Shaq by dragging him away from the basket, stayed only two seasons. Fazekas, drafted in ’07 and promoted as “Dirk Lite,” scored four points in four games in Dallas. Cuban in ’14 gave a $46 million contract to free-agent Parsons, who suffered a knee injury and produced only two unremarkable seasons. And, despite averaging seven points, six rebounds and two blocks in his nine years as a Maverick, Bradley became – literally – the poster boy for overwhelmed white centers.

Undeterred, the Mavs are now banking on Doncic and Porzingis to add some color to their bland, eight-year, post-championship existence.

Maybe they are striving to be “Europe’s Team” to the Cowboys’ “America’s Team”. (With the addition of Porzingis’ Latvia, the Mavs have now employed white frontcourt players from seven European countries including Germany, Serbia, Estonia, Croatia, Russia, Montenegro and Georgia, in addition to Canada and Australia.) Or maybe they’re keenly aware that since ’87 there has been exactly one white player to win NBA Finals MVP.

His name? Dirk Nowitzki.

With Porzingis, the Mavs are yet again trying to catch whitening in a bottle.