As if the Nobel Peace Prize committee hadn’t embarrassed itself enough in it’s 20th century and 21st century winners, the latest winner happens to be the European Union of all things. That’s practically an inanimate object when you get right down to it. It’s bad enough with all the self-sacrificing people in the world, politicians seem to win instead of guys actually sacrificing their lives for peace. Here now is a list of Ten Things You’ll Never See Get the Nobel Peace Prize.

1. The Long Island Expressway (I think anyone that’s been on it can agree, this is not helping world peace.)

2. The History Channel (Anything with that much Hitler footage is out, even if it’s mostly aliens and pawn shops now.)

3. The TSA (Obviously, one plane ride in the U.S. and the prize nomination would be revoked.)

4. A kilo of cocaine (A kilo of marijuana, maybe, but not cocaine.)

5. Plain white toast. (Who orders that? No one. And that’s not going to make a difference in Palestinian peace negotiations, let’s be real.)

6. Any version of Windows. (Crashes too much. You can’t have world peace crash.)

7. The Stanley Cup. (Hockey is just not a peaceful game.)

8. A Predator Drone. (This one might actually win if the world continues its Orwellian downward spiral, but generally, robots that kill people should be automatically struck from the list.)

9. Acid Reflux. (Technically a body function, but a bad one. Worse than farts, I say.)

10. 2012 (The movie. My review sums it up. Something that bad cannot bring people together.)