Two by-elections. Two voices. Two ultimata will be said to have been directed at Westminster.

From Rochdale (including the constituency of Heywood and Middleton) the Labour party quavers before the exasperated voice of Rochdale Man. From the Essex coast the Conservative party hears with dismay the fury in the voice of Clacton Man.

These, we’ll be assured, are the voices of voters variously described as alienated from or neglected by one of the two mainstream political parties that could once rely on their vote. “Labour have taken us white working classes for granted for too long!” cries Rochdale Man. “We’re off to Ukip.”

“You Tories,” cries Clacton Man, “thought you could count on us Eurosceptic, low-tax, high-carbon, traditionalist Tories, while you cavorted with your lah-di-dah