Interviewed: Reverend Florian Pichler

Interviewer: Agent Monica Storch

Date: 5 June 2014

Foreword: Reverend Florian Pichler, a Protestant minister in the municipality of Pfeffenhausen, Germany, has attracted Foundation attention by predicting apocalyptic events in the spring of 2014, claiming to have had sermons touching on the subject reaching back to 2006. Pichler has largely gone unnoticed by social media given the large amount of religious press following SCP-3336, but the supposedly prophetic nature of the minister prompted the Foundation to investigate. Pichler was contacted and a meeting was arranged between him and Agent Monica Storch, a Rho-11 operative sent for her fluency in German and Protestant background. The following interview has been translated into English for convenience.

<Begin Log>

Pichler: Thank you for flying all the way here for my teachings. I'm so happy that my message is reaching more people, especially in the age we live in today.

Storch: It's my pleasure. I guess you could say it-

Pichler: That it was God who guided you my way?

Storch: You stole the words right out of my mouth.

Pichler: I do have clairvoyant tendencies, you know.

Storch: And that's why I wanted to come speak to you. I want to know more about you and your prophecy.

Pichler: What would you like to know?

Storch: I'd like to know how you knew about the sneeze.

Pichler: Oh, that's simple. I received messages from the Lord himself.

Storch: And how did He reach you?

Pichler: Slowly. Very slowly. He started by giving me only brief visions of mass pestilence across the globe in 2003, which I kept to myself. Over the first few years of contact I saw thousands of people lying in ruin, pale and emaciated, in the aftermath of some horrible, horrible disease. He made it clear to me that this is the future, that I am certain of. The only trouble was the question: 'When is this going to happen?'

Storch: Matthew 24:36, 'But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.'

Pichler: That I am aware of, as I knew not the day or hour. What I did know, however, was the season, as stated in 1 Thessalonians 5:1-6. As God fearing followers of Christ we have the insight necessary to stay wary of the return of the Lord. God in His messages to me told me it would be soon, and as the time of the sneeze approached my certainty grew stronger.

Storch: Did you have any messages sent to you about the sneeze, specifically?

Pichler: Ah, plenty. The visions of pestilence, for one, have an obvious relationship with sneezing. But even stronger so, and you're going to have to take my word for this, the Sunday service I held just prior to the sneeze itself had seven of the attendees sneeze at once during prayer. At first I thought that might have been the defining event of my visions, confirmation of what was to come, but we all know nothing could possibly compare to what happened just a few days later. And my personal certainty of the coming of the end did not climax until everybody sneezed at once that Wednesday! In fact, I was completely alone when it happened, but I instantly knew it was no ordinary sneeze.

Storch: So what's going to happen now that we've received this sign from God?

Pichler: We wait in absolute certainty of a coming of Christ. No being out there is powerful enough to do what every single person just witnessed but God Himself, and for what reason would He do that? To toy with us? No, God is above that, He created this event to test us on our faith. Only those who deserve hellfire are the ones who deny God's obvious involvement in the most inexplicable event in recent history. What else could it be?

Storch: Do you have any idea when the end will truly be upon us?

Pichler: The sneeze was God's last word to me; I haven't heard from him since, so I have no other words but "soon". As you have brought to notice, it's impossible for us to know exactly when Christ will return, but the signs are here. Now we must wait.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: After the interview, Agent Storch reached out to several attendees of Reverend Pichler's service held on 13/04/2014. All eyewitnesses gave roughly matching accounts of the event described by Pichler. Agent Storch has arranged to keep in touch with Reverend Pichler for any relevant prophetic developments. At the writing of this article, Pichler has yet to give any updates pertinent to SCP-3336.