Sooooo ... when is it no longer appropriate for us to beg for candy? Like, hypothetically, if I were to dress up and go out with my friends, and we -- just as a goof, mind you -- just decided to knock on a few doors, and- no? Well, understand that we'd just be doing it ironically, you know, because we totally know that we're too old to be trick-or-treating. I mean, think about it -- wouldn't it be hilarious if we knocked on someone's door, and when they opened it, expecting to see children, they'd find us there instead? We're almost adults, but there we'd be in our little kid costumes, and- no?

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Yeah, I guess you're right. It's high time we grew up and found some more adult things to do, like maybe go to one of the 10 million Halloween parties happening around town. No, we totally understand that we're too young to drink, and that the actual adults don't want a bunch of high school kids hanging around them while they're getting drunk and showing each other their genitals ... or whatever it is that adults do.

Maybe we can just ... I dunno. Maybe just stay home and hand out the candy to actual trick-or-treaters. No, it's cool, we'll be fine. I mean, it's not like every other age group in existence is having fun tonight. To be totally honest, I was looking forward to watching that Halloween and Pumpkinhead marathon. Or maybe that Charlie Brown cartoon they play every year. Yeah, I'll be fine -- you guys go out and have fun. Um, Mom, do you think that before you and Dad head out, you could maybe zip up your fucking top about 10 inches or so? Since when did Halloween become "show as much of your tits as you possibly can without going to jail"?