I grew up with a father who lived by good intentions that always seemed to end up being a detriment to himself or others. My stepmother is about as abhorrent of a human being as you can get. Everything I need to know about detecting a shitty person comes from a lifetime of suffering inside a home that she felt determined to rule with a narcissistic fist. My entire upbringing is filled with emotional and mental abuse. Once I became a teenager she occasionally found ways to justify getting physical with me, but only as a means to throw me out of the house by threatening to call on police intervention.

She was, and still is, a drug addict, crystal meth being her poison of choice. My younger brother was conceived as a result of an affair she had on my dad, while his dad was on his deathbed. He found out 6 months after who he believed to be his son was born. The day my grandfather was buried when I was 10, my stepmom made the entire ordeal worse for my dad by complaining, out of jealousy, about my biological mother showing up to pay her respects. The day my grandmother was buried when I was 30, my stepmom made the entire ordeal worse for my dad by accusing him of killing her. My grandmother was 94 when she passed. She died at home of an infection. She hated hospitals and always asked us to let her be able to pass on in her own home, just like my grandfather before her. When she suddenly became sick, the family made a joint decision to not take her to a hospital. Her nurse said she only had up to 48 hours left to live, and we wanted to give her her dying wish - and we did. We don’t regret it. We did right by her. My stepmom didn’t hold some authority of morality over my dad in that situation, she was angry that we held the services before she got home from a vacation with her dad and sister - which we did on purpose. My grandmother, and entire family at that, hated her for what she had put us all through in the last 20+ years. She wasn’t going to ruin her funeral.

These things and more, compile reasons why any man should escape a toxic marriage. Why has my dad stayed married to her for close to 30 years now? Because he knows she will take him for everything she can. She hadn’t worked in 16 years until just a couple years ago. Not because she stayed at home to raise the kids. But because she was lazy and wanted to sponge off my dad’s hard work. My dad has lost so much to this person, and would inevitably lose more in divorce court.

Courts typically favor women when it comes to possessions, child custody, child support, and alimony. My brother’s ex-wife divorced him because she wanted to be with another man. She got primary custody of the kids, even though my brother wanted to do 50/50 with her. She wasn’t interested, and they both knew the court would give her her way. She wanted the higher child support allotment. She got 85% of the possessions, including gifts she gave to my brother for his birthday. She got to keep the house.

A lot of men find these scenarios to be something of a normalcy when it comes to splitting with a spouse. My dad works with guys who had gotten divorced and ended up having to get a 2nd job just to make ends meet because the ex-wife was given so much through court orders. A lot of men stay in toxic marriages, because they fear that it’s going to just be worse for them otherwise.

When it comes to the arguments regarding men’s rights - I get it. I don’t hate women. I’m a very progressive person, but I’m also realistic. I don’t need the MRA movement to tell me these sorts of stories - I’ve lived them.

Men’s rights is to feminists what evolution is to Christians - the fear that the former existing at all is an attempt to fancy itself as proof that the latter is complete bullshit. You look into most feminist arguments about equality, and anyone can get behind them. Of course women don’t deserve to be talked to in a degrading way just because they have tits. Of course women deserve to be seen as equals. Women weren’t designed to be in the kitchen. You’re not going to find too many men’s rights activists that actually believe in these sexist stereotypes as a generalization. All men’s rights people try to say is, “hey, this equality table has shifted in certain ways that are really not fair for us. Isn’t it supposed to be fair for everybody?“

At some point, men’s rights has become presented as the antithesis to liberalism, progressivism, and gender equality ideologies. It’s almost ironic that the people who say, “listen to me when I tell you that I’ve been oppressed in some way because of my gender,” are quick to dismiss the other group of people who say, “Hey, me too, here’s my story.”

How do we bridge that gap to recognize that the fight for equality means the fight for everyone to be treated fairly and not taken advantage of? Until people put their pitchforks down, and realize that we’re not each other’s enemies - I doubt it will happen. The lines have been drawn in the sand - and it’s fucking sad. Men’s rights advocates don’t appreciate being denoted as a bunch of woman haters, much like I’m sure most feminists don’t fancy themselves as man haters. For whatever reason they’re aligned on the same shit lists as white supremacists and Nazis, and I just don’t get it. The portrayal of woman hating; I get there are some who are going to be that disenfranchised to the point of misogyny, but I think those types are really the exception to the rule. It’s not even because they’re the loudest ones of the group, because from my vantage, it seems like that’s definitely not the case.

The interesting thing about the consideration of male privilege when it comes to men’s rights is that, if you truly believe that there is absolute inherent, systemic male privilege in this country, then it’s fair to evaluate their arguments and conclude that they can easily move and shake things to a point that their grievances will easily be fixed in that system. So why aren’t they?

What point do you question all of the arguments around you, do you turn the blinders off? What do you actually know about men’s rights advocacy that wasn’t from some anti-MRA rant you read on Tumblr, Gawker, or The Daily Dot? It’s even more irritating that egalitarianism is being struck up as an anti-feminist/woman-hating term as well. This sort of agenda-driven hysteria and propaganda makes me hate being alive at all. How do you co-exist with a plethora of corporeal beings that don’t have any interest in co-existing with others?