ALRIGHT FUCKERS, LISTEN UP. THIS IS THE BEST 95-LAND DECK YOU WILL EVER FIND ON THIS SITE. THIS ABOMINATION, THIS PILE OF CARDS I HESITATE TO CALL A DECK, WILL BE EXTREMELY HARD TO PULL OFF. IT IS A SOLELY SKILL-BASED DECK WITH NO LUCK INVOLVED WHATSOEVER. ONLY THE GREATEST PLAYERS IN MAGIC HISTORY COULD EVER HOPE TO ACHIEVE VICTORY WITH IT. YOU MUST BE SO OBSESSED WITH MAGIC THAT YOU DELVE INTO COMPLETE INSANITY, AND ACTUALLY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO PLAYTEST THIS DECK.

ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?! ARE YOU?!

Good. Let's begin.

"SO HOW THE FUCK DO I PLAY THIS SHIT?" YOU ASK, SITTING THERE SCROLLING WITH ONE HAND WHILE USING YOUR OTHER HAND TO SCRATCH YOUR SCROTUM AND THEN SNIFF YOUR FINGERS. WELL, YOUNG ONE, YOU FUTURE OMNIPOTENT GOD, IS THAT IT'S ALL ABOUT BLUFFING GAME 1. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO COUNTERPSLLES IN THIS MASTERPIECE - A TRUE BLUE PLAYER IS SO GOOD AT MAGIC THAT THEY CAN FORCE THEIR OPPONENTS TO NEVER CAST SPELLS BASED ON BLUFFING ALONE. THE FIRST FEW TURNS OF THE GAME YOU HAVE TO YELL "WAIT!" WHENEVER AN OPPONENT CASTS A SPELL, THEN THINK LONG AND HARD BEFORE RELUCTANTLY LETTING IT RESOLVE. GAMES 2 AND 3 THIS PROBABLY WON'T WORK, BUT YOUR OPPONENTS WILL HOPEFULLY EITHER BE SO CONFUSED OR SO BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR DECK THAT THEY'LL CONCEDE BEFORE THAT TIME COMES.

SO THE WAY YOU PLAY THIS DECK, FOR YOUR FIRST 5 TURNS, IS EXACTLY THE SAME: PLAY YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' LANDS. LANDS THAT PRODUCE MANA SHOULD BE PLAYED BEFORE LANDS THAT DON'T AT THIS STAGE IN THE GAME. AT THE END OF THEIR TURN ON TURN 5, YOU FLASH IN YOUR COMMANDER, Teferi, Mage of Zhalfir, AT END OF TURN. NOW THAT LITTLE FUCKER CAN'T GO WITH ANY INSTANT-SPEED WAYS TO FUCK UP YOUR GODLY COMBO.

UNTAP ON TURN 6 AND CAST Fathom Trawl. NOW, LIKE THE LITTLE SLUTTY WHORE YOU ARE, YOU'RE GONNA SHOW YOUR OPPONENT EVERYTHING, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. SLOWLY PULL YOUR SHIRT OFF AND SEDUCTIVELY MOAN AS YOU INTENSELY FLIP YOUR WHOLE LIBRARY UP AND THEY SEE YOU ONLY GOT 3 NONLAND CARDS IN YOUR WHOLE DECK. WHAT A NAUGHTY GIRL YOU ARE. YOU'RE GONNA GRAB THOSE 3 CARDS. ON YOUR NEXT TURN, YOU'RE GONNA CAST Mana Severance TO GET EVERY. LAST. FUCKING. LAND. INTO EXILE. AFTER YOU FUCKING DESTROY ALL THAT SHIT, YOU'RE GONNA CAST Gitaxian Probe. SLAM THAT SHIT ON THE TABLE HARDER THAN YOUR DADDY BEAT YOUR MOM AT NIGHT WHILE YOU LAID IN BED AND WHIMPERED UNDER THE COVERS BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T YET MAN ENOUGH TO DEFEND THAT WHORE OF A MOM YOU HAD! NOW YOU GOTTA PROVE IT BY PILOTTING THIS DECK, WINNING IN 2, THEN DRIVING OVER TO YOUR DAD'S PLACE AND BEATING THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF HIM FOR WHAT HE DID TO MOMMY. YOU STARE YOUR OPPONENT DIRECTLY IN THE EYES AND SEE ALL THAT REGRET THEY HAVE NOW FOR DOUBTING YOUR AWESOME DECK AND YOU KNOW WHAT, WHILE THAT'S ON THE STACK, YOU FLASH IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING Laboratory Maniac AND LISTEN TO THEM SCREAM IN HORROR! IT RESOLVES, AND THEN, OF COURSE, MAKE THEM REVEAL THEIR HAND. MAKE THAT SLUT SHOW YOU EVERYTHING, YOU GOTTA INTIMIDATINGLY WRITE DOWN EVERY SINGLE CARD IN THAT BITCH'S HAND WHILE SHE CRIES BECAUSE SHE DROPPED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW REALIZES WHAT A MISTAKE SHE MADE BY NOT CONTINUING HER FUCKING EDUCATION. THEN, AFTER ALL THAT, YOU'RE GONNA ATTEMPT TO DRAW, BUT-- OH NO, YOU FAILED! GOOD THING YOU'RE ALREADY USED TO FAILING AT THINGS IN LIFE! BUT NO, THIS TIME THE FAILURE TO DRAW PAYS OFF, AND THANKS TO THAT FUCKING MANIAC, YOU WIN THIS ENTIRE GAME OF MAGIC.

THE ALTERNATE ROUTE IS TO DO THE SAME THING, BUT WAIT UNTIL TURN 9 AND FLASH TEFERI IN AT THE END OF THEIR TURN, THEN INITIATE THE ENTIRE COMBO ON TURN 10. DO THIS IF YOU FEAR THE OPPONENT HAVING ANSWERS AND PREPARING THEM IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR COMBO. OF COURSE, REAL MEN DON'T FEAR.

THE DECK CAN ALSO FUNCTION IF YOU HAPPEN TO DRAW Mana Severance. YOU CAST THAT SHIT AND ONLY END UP WITH 3 CARDS IN YOUR LIBRARY AT MOST, AT WHICH POINT YOU JUST PICK THAT SHIT UP AND WIN!

NOW THAT THE OBVIOUS IS OUT OF THE WAY, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS FUCKING PILE OF 100 CARDBOARD SLICES, THESE SLABS OF DEAD TREE MEAT THAT WE'RE SPLATTERED WITH INK FOR FUN.

Arena: WHAT'S MORE MANLY THAN FIGHT CLUB? YOU CAN GET TEFERI OUT AND THEN USE HIM TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ANY CREATURES WHICH PREVIOUSLY HAD THE BALLS TO TRY TO STOP YOU. BODY SLAM THAT FUCKER. IF IT'S A HOE, MAKE OUT WITH HER DEAD BODY DURING YOUR UPKEEP. IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU'RE A FUCKING MAN AND YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT.

Bad River : THIS IS WHERE THAT LACK OF LUCK COMES IN. THIS IS A SKILL-INTENSIVE DECK FOR MLG PROS. YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO SENSE WHEN THE CARD ON TOP OF YOUR LIBRARY IS SOME SHIT YOU DON'T NEED, AND IF IT'S NOT, YOU SAC THIS SHIT, GRAB A MOTHERFUCKING ISLAND, AND SHUFFLE THAT GARBAGE AWAY FOREVER.

Bant Panorama: SAME SHIT AS Bad River .

Bazaar of Baghdad: MOST BLUE MAGES DON'T SHUT UP ABOUT HOW AWESOME HAVING 20 CARDS IN YOUR HAND IS. BUT THAT'S NOT YOU. A REAL MAN'S GOTTA BE ABLE TO KICK ASS WHILE LOSING CARDS AT THE SAME TIME! USE THIS FUCKER TO GET MORE SHIT, THEN DISCARD A BUNCH OF USELESS SHIT YOU DON'T NEED. DON'T DISCARD YOUR FUCKING COMBO PIECES YOU DUMBASS!

Blasted Landscape : YOU'RE GONNA CYCLE THIS SHIT! WHO PLAYS Wastes?! WHY THE FUCK IS THIS IN HERE? YOU DON'T NEED THAT SHIT, THROW IT AWAY AND DRAW ANOTHER CARD LIKE A BIG BOI.

Blighted Cataract: DRIVE IN STYLE WITH THE NEW BLIGHTED CADILLAC. SIT THERE AND JUST LOOK ALL IMPRESSIVE UNTIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, VROOM VROOM MOTHERFUCKERS, YOU GET TWO CARDS OUT A OF A LAND. LANDS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE CARD ADVANTAGE? SUCK IT, WIZARDS!

Boseiju, Who Shelters All: ALL THOSE OTHER BLUE PLAYERS ARE GONNA THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOU JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE ACTUAL COUNTERSPELLS AND SHIT, BUT WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? USE THIS BAD BOI TO MAKE THEM UNABLE TO STOP YOUR MANLY COMBO.

Cavern of Souls: SAME SHIT AS Boseiju, Who Shelters All. YOU NAME HUMAN WITH THAT SHIT. WHY? BECAUSE THE WORD "WIZARD" DOESN'T HAVE THE WORD "MAN" IN IT DOES IT?! GOD DAMMIT YOU'RE SUCH A DUMBASS, NO WONDER YOUR DAD NEVER FED YOU.

Coral Atoll : PLAY THIS DURING THE EARLY TURNS TO GET FASTER MANA AND PULL AHEAD. IT PUTS THE MAN IN MANA.

Dark Depths: OOOOHHHHHHH YEAH BOIS THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT. IF YOUR COMBO SOMEHOW DOESN'T FUCKING MAKE IT BECAUSE YOU FAILED JUST LIKE YOU FAILED THAT TEST IN SEVENTH GRADE AND YOUR PARENTS NEVER LOOKED YOU IN THE EYES AGAIN, THEN THIS IS YOUR BACKUP. YOU GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, SO DROP THIS SHIT AND REMOVE COUNTERS FROM IT WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. MARIT LAGE HAS SUCH A HIGH POWER AND TOUGHNESS THAT IT COULDN'T BE PRINTED AS AN ACTUAL CREATURE CARD. MARIT LAGE IS SO FLY THAT THEY LITERALLY GAVE IT FLYING. MARIT LAGE IS SUCH A MAN THAT IT CAN'T BE DESTROYED. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, THIS IS YOUR END-ALL FINAL SOLUTION.

Desert : GOD DAMN NICE JOB BOI, READING THIS FAR. YOU SHOULD LAY BACK AND HAVE SOME DESSERT. JUST LIKE IN GAME, YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING PROUD THAT YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, THAT YOU GOTTA WHIP THIS THING OUT LIKE YOU WHIP OUT YOUR 18-INCH DICK AT THE PUBLIC THEATER AND JUST HAVE SOME DESSERT. THIS SHIT TAKES CARE OF THOSE FUCKING PUSSY-ASS 1-TOUGHNESS CREATURES THAT THINK THEY'RE SO COOL AS TO TRY TO SLAP YOU. THEY WANT A TREAT? LET'S GIVE THEM THE TREAT OF PAIN. CRACK YOUR KNUCKLES AND THROW ON THOSE SUNGLASSES DUKE NUKEM, YOU'RE GOING IN.

Dust Bowl: PART OF BEING A MAN IS PUTTING BOTH YOU AND THOSE WIMPS UNDER PAIN, BUT KNOWING THEY'LL CAVE FIRST. USE THIS DIRTY SON OF A BITCH TO DESTROY YOUR OWN LANDS JUST TO WIPE THEIRS OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. SUCK IT BITCHES. THIS GIVES YOU ENOUGH TIME TO PULL OFF YOUR COMBO OR YOUR MANDOLLARS BACK.

Esper Panorama : SAME SHIT AS Bant Panorama.

Evolving Wilds: SAME SHIT AS Esper Panorama .

Faerie Conclave : THEY WANNA FUCK WITH YOU? WHIP THIS FLY SHIT OUT AND KNOCK THOSE 2-TOUGHNESS MOTHERFUCKERS ON THEIR ASSES. THAT'S WHAT THEY TRY TO GET FOR COMPETING WITH A MAN LIKE YOU.

Fathom Trawl: THIS IS THE CORE OF YOUR MANLINESS. REAL MEN USE BITCHES HOW THEY WANT, BUT TREAT THAT ONE WOMAN WITH LOVE AND RESPECT. YOU GOTTA FIND HER IN YOUR DECK. WE BOTH KNOW SHE'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE, WAITING FOR YOU. THEN PICK THAT PRINCESS UP AND YOU PROTECT HER UNTIL YOU'RE READY TO COMMIT AND SLAM THIS SHIT ON THE PLAYMAT AS YOU FUCKING WIN AT LIFE, AND THE GAME!

Flood Plain : SAME SHIT AS Evolving Wilds.

Gargoyle Castle: AS THE BIGGEST MAN AT THE FUCKING TABLE, YOU'RE THE KING. YOU GET YOUR OWN CASTLE AND EVERYTHING, AND THIS FUCKER CAN UNLEASH A 3/4 BLOCKER THAT'S FLY AS SHIT TO STOP THEIR STUPID ASSES FROM HITTING YOU.

Gitaxian Probe: THIS IS THE FINAL MOMENT. THIS IS WHEN YOU WALK AWAY FROM THE MASSIVE EXPLOSION. THIS IS WHERE YOU GIVE YOUR EPIC ONE-LINER AND SHOOT THAT FUCKER BETWEEN THE EYES. THIS IS YOUR VICTORY MOMENT, AND YOU BETTER FUCKING RELISH IT.

Glacial Chasm: SADDLE UP BIG BOI, YOU'RE GOIN' FOR A RIDE. YOU PLAY THIS ONCE THEIR BOARD STATE GETS MASSIVE AND YOU'RE AFRAID OF LOSING WITHIN THE NEXT FEW TURNS TO IT. SLAP THIS THING DOWN AND KEEP PAYING INTO IT UNTIL THE LIFE LOSS IS GREATER THAN THEIR CREATURE HORDE'S POWER. IF YOU HAVEN'T WON BY THAT POINT, YOU'RE AS DISAPPOINTING TO ME AS YOU ARE TO YOUR FAMILY.

Grixis Panorama: SAME SHIT AS Flood Plain .

Halimar Depths: YOU KNOW ALL THOSE AWESOME GUYS WHO OWN MASSIVE CORPORATIONS AND SHIT? WHO ARE RICH AS FUCK AND ALWAYS WEARING SUITS LIKE CLASSY MOTHERFUCKERS? YOU KNOW WHAT'S STOPPING YOU FROM BEING LIKE THEM? YOU AIN'T ORGANIZED! USE THIS HANDY DIDDLY PIECE OF ASS TO SORT THOSE TOP 3 CARDS AND GET WHAT YOU NEED, WHEN YOU NEED IT.

Homeward Path: REAL MEN KNOW HOW TO BE AN ABUSIVE ASSHOLE TO THEIR BITCHES WHILE HAVING THEM NEVER LEAVE YOU. SOME FUCKBOI TRY TO STEAL YO GURL? REMIND HER THAT SHE'S YOUR LITTLE BITCH AND TO GET HER ASS BACK IN THE BEDROOM, PUT ON THAT SEXY NURSE OUTFIT YOU MAKE HER WEAR, TO GET ON HER KNEES AND SUCK YOU OFF. MANLY.

Ice Floe: WHEN YOU GOT DAT FLO GOING SO STRONG AND EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR ICY COOL AS FUCK, THEY WON'T BE ATTACKING YOU ANYTIME SOON. USE THIS SHIT TO STOP THOSE FUCKERS FROM TRYING TO ATTACK YOU AND KILL YOU BEFORE YOU UNLEASH YOUR TRUE MANLINESS.

Inkmoth Nexus : CHUMP BLOCK THEIR FLIERS AND MAKE THEM WEAKER. THEY HAVE NO HOPE OF STOPPING YOUR MANLINESS.

Island of Wak-Wak : THIS IS GONNA BE USEFUL A LOT MORE OFTEN THAN YOU THINK, BOI. RULE #1: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE SHIT I PUT IN THIS DECK. SO LISTEN UP BOI, BECAUSE THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT'S GONNA STOP THEM FROM HITTING YOU. IF THEY THINK THEY'RE SO FLY, YOU'RE GONNA BRING THEM DOWN. SHOW THEM THAT THEY'RE REALLY JUST A BITCH. Storm Crow THINKS HE'S SO INVINCIBLE, BUT YOU'RE SO MANLY THAT YOU CAN JUST TAKE HIM THE FUCK DOWN!

Laboratory Maniac: THIS GUY'S CRAZY COOL. HE'S GONNA HELP YOU TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND AND GET THAT AWESOME ENDING THIS SHITSHOW OF A MOVIE ABOUT YOU DESERVES. IF THIS GUY DIES YOU'RE FUCKED, SO DON'T DROP HIM UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE.

Lonely Sandbar: YO BITCH I SAID I WANTED TO GO TO A BAR, NOT A SANDBAR! SANDBARS ARE FOR WHORES AND FUCKBOYS! NO, YOU GOTTA DISCARD THAT SHIT AND DRAW SOMETHING MORE USEFUL YOU FUCKING MORON!

Mage-Ring Network: IF YOU'RE GONNA FUCK A BITCH TONIGHT WHO LIKES HAVING LOTS OF CUM ALL OVER HER FACE, YOU CAN'T JACK OFF BEFORE THE FUCK SESSION. JUST LIKE THAT, SOMETIMES, YOU GOTTA SAVE YOUR STUFF UP. USE THIS FUCKER TO SAVE UP YOUR PRODUCT, AND WHEN YOU NEED TO, USE IT ALL UP! IF YOU SOMEHOW LOSE AND THEY'RE ATTACKING YOU WITH EVERYTHING, IN RESPONSE YOU USE UP ALL THE CHARGES ON THIS THING AND CUM YOUR MANA ALL OVER THAT SLUT'S DIRTY FACE AS YOU DIE.

Mana Severance: THESE HOES ARE BORING, DITCH THEM AND FIND A REAL WOMAN. USE THIS THING TO EXILE ALL THE LANDS FROM YOUR LIBRARY AND THEN JUST FUCKING GO OFF. YOU'LL FEEL LIKE MORE OF A MAN THAN AN APACHE ATTACK HELICOPTER MADE OF BICEPS.

Maze of Ith: BITCHES THINK THEY CAN ATTACK YOU? THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! USE THIS HOTTIE TO GIVE YOUR OPPONENTS THE FINGER AND NEVER TAKE DAMAGE FROM THEIR SHIT.

Mishra's Factory : STANDARD-ISSUE MANBOT. USE THIS TO STOP THEIR SMUG LITTLE MINIONS FROM HITTING YOU AND TRYING TO STOP YOU.

Mutavault : THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING. REAL MEN ARE CONSISTENT. LY AWESOME.

Myriad Landscape: RAMP THAT SHIT AND THIN YOUR DECK!

Oasis : SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA HELP A BROTHA OUT. USE THIS THING TO GIVE YOUR BLOCKERS A TOUGHNESS BOOST AND SAVE TEFERI'S FAT ASS.

Quicksand : ONLY THE MOST FLY FUCKERS COULD EVEN HOPE TO GET IN YOUR WAY. OTHERWISE, THEY'RE GONNA DROWN IN THEIR OWN SHIT IF THEY TRY TO CROSS YOU.

Radiant Fountain : IF YOU END UP IN A POSITION WHERE YOU FINALLY GOT YOUR COMBO TOGETHER BUT YOU CAN'T PAY 2 LIFE FOR YOUR PROBE, WON'T THAT BE EMASCULATING OR WHAT?! AVOID THAT SHIT WITH THIS FUCKER, WHICH WILL GET YOU THAT 2 LIFE YOU NEED TO FUCKING WIN AND BE A MAN AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.

Remote Isle : REAL MEN DON'T NEED A REMOTE TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL, THEY ADJUST THE TV WITH THEIR FUCKING MINDS WHILE THEIR BITCH FETCHES THEM A SANDWICH AND A BEER WHILE DRESSED UP LIKE A MAID. FUCKING BITCH. DISCARD THIS CARD AND DRAW ANOTHER, BIG BOI.

Scrying Sheets : THIS THE REAL SHIT, SON. USE THIS FUCKER TO GET YOURSELF MORE LANDS AND MORE DRAWS, CAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU ROLL. NOT ONLY ARE WE USING SNOW-COVERED ISLANDS BECAUSE WE'RE COOL, BUT IT GIVES US ACCESS TO THIS MANLY, CARD-DRAWING, SEXY LITTLE HOE.

Snow-Covered Island: WE GOT EXACTLY 42 OF THESE BITCHES IN THIS FUCKING DECK BECAUSE MANLINESS IS THE ANSWER TO LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING.

Soldevi Excavations : GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, ISLANDS! BLOW THAT SHIT UP LIKE YOU BLEW UP THAT BASE IN VIET NAM AND GET THIS BETTER LAND INSTEAD. MORE MANA, AND YOU SCRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, GETTING RID OF ALL THAT SHIT WHICH AIN'T YOUR COMBO.

Springjack Pasture: LITERALLY JUST FOR THE GOATS TO STOP THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS FROM SLAPPING YOU TO BITS.

Stalking Stones : GOTTA DEFEND YOURSELF. THIS FUCKER WILL BECOME A 3/3 WHEN THEY LEAST EXPECT IT AND KEEP ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AT BAY.

Strip Mine: YOOOO. YOU GOTTA BE HARDCORE TO PLAY THIS CARD. NOT EVEN LEGACY IS HARDCORE ENOUGH FOR IT, BUT UNLIKE LEGACY, (You're slightly fun) YOU'RE A MAAAAAN! WIPE THOSE SMUG LITTLE LANDS OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH SO THEY CAN'T PLAY ANY BIG SHIT TO SLAP YOU ACROSS THE FACE.

Swarmyard : "WHY THE FUCK IS THAT IN HERE?!" YOU'LL ASK, SCROLLING WITH ONE HAND AND VERY SLOWLY MASTURBAITING WITH THE OTHER. WELL, YOU IGNORANT WIMP, YOU COMBO THIS SHIT WITH Mutavault AND GET A PERMA-BLOCKING, ASS-KICKING MAN-MACHINE. MOST BADASS SQUIRREL YOU'LL EVER SEE.

Tectonic Edge: IT'S Strip Mine FOR WHEN YOU FEEL MERCIFUL. UNTIL THEY PISS YOU OFF, IN WHICH CASE YOU SLAM DUNK THAT FUCKER'S LANDS.

Terminal Moraine : SAME SHIT AS Grixis Panorama.

Terrain Generator : YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO WITH THIS? YOU HIT TOPDECK MODE, AND YOU DRAW A BASIC LAND, AND YOU JUST SAY GO. THEY WERE EXPECTING A LAND, BUT NOPE, YOU PASS. THEY'RE GONNA GET SO SCARED THEY SHIT THEIR PANTS, BUT AT THE END OF THEIR TURN, BOOM, YOU FUCKIN' FOOLED THEM. EVENTUALLY YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR COMBO FO REAL AND THEY'LL THINK YOU PLAYIN', BUT YOU BEIN' LEGIT, AND THEY'RE GON' PAY.

Terramorphic Expanse: SAME SHIT AS Terminal Moraine .

Thawing Glaciers : SAME SHIT AS Terramorphic Expanse.

The Tabernacle at Pendrell Vale: IS THAT A BAR?!

Thespian's Stage : WHAT'S MORE MANLY THAN ONE OF ANY LAND IN THIS DECK? TWO! EPECIALLY IF IT'S Dark Depths! YOU DROP THIS SHIT, COPY THAT FUCKER AND BOOM, YOU GOT YOURSELF A FUCKING MARIT LAGE.

Tolaria West: AND THIS IS THE BITCH THAT MAKES THAT POSSIBLE! TRANSMUTE THIS FUCKER AND FIND ANY BITCH YOU WANT, THAT'S HOW GOOD MY PICKUP ARTIST BOOK IS. YOU GRAB DARK DEPTHS OR STAGE IF YOU HAVE THE OTHER AND DO THIS., OTHERWISE, GET WHATEVER HOE YOU LIKE. WHETHER YOU LIKE TITS, ASSES, OR ARE SO UNMANLY YOU LIKE A GIRL FOR HER PERSONALITY, YOU CAN GET WHATEVER BITCHES YOU WANT.

Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth: THE LOOK ON BITCHES' FACES WHEN YOU PLAY THIS IN A MONO-BLUE DECK IS FUCKIN' HILARIOUS, LET ALONE THE FACT THAT YOU RUN SO LANDS THAT CAN'T MAKE MANA WHICH THIS ENABLES.

Vesuva: IT'S STAGE'S YOUNGER BROTHER WHICH HASN'T YET BECOME A MAN. WHILE IT CAN'T TRIGGER YOUR DARK DEPTHS COMBO, IT CAN BECOME ANOTHER OF ANY OTHER SHIT LAND YOU HAVE, WHICH IS ALWAYS MANLY.

Warped Landscape : SAME SHIT AS Thawing Glaciers .

Wasteland: Strip Mine FOR THE GUY WHO WANTS TO STICK IT TO THE AUTHORITIES. YOU'RE NOT GONNA HURT ANY BASIC PEOPLE LIVIN' THEIR LIVES, YOU'RE GONNA GO AFTER THE MONEY-GRABBING CAPITALIST SCUM TRYING TO STOP YOU FROM LIVING YOUR MANLY LIFE, AND THIS LAND IS YOUR WEAPON TO DO THAT. SHRED THEIR MANA BASE AND LAUGH.

Zoetic Cavern : NOBODY ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS MORPH, SO CONFUSE THOSE FUCKERS WITH THIS PIECE OF SHIT. YOU'RE GONNA BLOCK THEIR STUFF ALL DAY, AND THEN WHEN NEEDED, BLOCK THEIR BIGGEST THING AND FLIP IT BEFORE DAMAGE TO KEEP YOUR SHITTY LAND.

SO NOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THIS MANLY PILE OF TREE FLESH SITTING BEFORE YOU, YOU TAKE THIS SHIT AND MAKE YOUR MOMMY PROUD. YOU GOTTA ASCEND TO MANHOOD AND PILOT THIS, THE MANLIEST 95-LAND EDH DECK YOU'LL EVER SEE.