Engagement as Meaningful Change

Gold Star Commenter Ben posted something really great on Dan's post about a woman protesting New York state's marriage laws (emphasis mine.)

Here's a question, and I apologize if this is stupid or there's an obvious reason why this is offensive or something, but what about engagement? I'm envisioning gay and lesbian couples around the country getting engaged and setting the date as "as soon as it's legal." I'm imagining engagement announcements in newspapers and sent to families, increasing visibility. Kind of like a shovel-ready projects kind of thing. "We have 15,000 engaged gay and lesbian couples in this state, ready to get married as soon as this bill is passed" or something. Is this stupid? Is this already going on?

Posted by Ben on February 12, 2010 at 12:38 PM

I don't know if this is already going on or not, Ben, but it's certainly not a stupid idea, and it's a positive way to protest gay marriage laws. If every couple that wanted to get married did this—got engaged in a very visible manner, and presented it not as an issue of "if" but rather as "when"—I think it would be a powerful statement. If thousands of couples around the nation did this, it would be a huge step forward.

Ben's plan ensures that gay marriage foes look less like someone fighting a concept ("If this happens, they'll be marrying sheep and wriggling their penises around in sheep feces!") and more like one group denying another human being something ("We want to get married as soon as you let us. Why won't you let us? We clearly love each other.") It removes the generalization and makes it a specific matter on a national scale. And it's really hard to hate someone specific. Valentine's Day is this Sunday. It'd be a great time to start planning a wedding.