Disclaimer for the ENTIRE STORY:

Disney owns Frozen and other characters and places to be mentioned.

Prompt:

The best you ever had

Author's Note:

This is my first entry for the month of June 2018 in the Elsanna discord's monthly fluff contest!

Under the Stars

by Reithel

Stars visibly winked and gave life to the otherwise darkened sky void of any clouds. The yellow ball had long since gone and disappeared through the night, leaving no other traces of its existence other than the brilliant glow of the moon. A warm breeze blew past and strands of red and yellow-white hair swayed with its every breath.

"That was fun!" The words that were delivered with a gleeful spirit was dimmed by the raw effort exerted by its messenger's rough voice. "I'm glad I get to see Olaf and the kids playing around like that."

"Even when they broke the vase?"

"Hey, I used to break some! Even picture frames, plates, glasses- and oh! There's also Mr. Weselton's window," Anna giggled. "It's part of growing up. Experiencing new things, creating memories, having something to look back on once we get older..."

Ah, memories. Anna had always done everything with a confidence and enthusiasm that never failed to amuse Elsa. She sang even when the tone was off, danced as if she didn't have two left feet, baked even when she sometimes ended up eating them all before sharing them to someone, and even tried pineapple on her pizza for the mere reason that she needed to know why other people liked it.

The risk of camping outdoors, doing silly challenges people do online... Nothing ever held her back. At first, Elsa thought it was because Anna was a natural adventurer. Just a girl with a sunny disposition or someone who was innately curious about many things. However, time continued to move forward and Elsa's knowledge of who Anna truly was grew over its course.

As they lied on the plush sofa outside their massive balcony underneath the starry sky, with those twinkling dust serving as an audience to the possibly last proclamation of their love for one another, Elsa hated the reason more than ever.

"I know." These pathetic words were the only thing she could whisper. It was agonizing to feel the forceful thumps inside her chest; they were testaments to how alive she was in contrast to her wife's slow, soft beat.

"Elsa?" Worried teal eyes turned to her, the dark circles around them doing little to taint what Elsa still thought of as beautiful. "What's the matter?"

Her muscles stiffened and she inwardly cursed when the worry only grew on Anna's face. "I'm okay." A frown replaced the concern and Elsa's hold on a skinny shoulder tightened. Damn it, it was torture seeing that face twist in discomfort. "I'll be fine," she promised.

"No, Elsa. What is it?" Anna urged, her voice raspy but determined.

Timid though her actions were, Elsa could trace the unmistakable hint of Anna's burning passion. The question was a clear indicator that she already knew what was running inside Elsa's head and that she was leaving her with no way out.

Elsa's gaze fell to her clothed chest where her fragile wife's left hand laid. On the fourth finger was the band that sealed their love a year ago, a shiny aquamarine stone hugged by two silver wings resting in its center. Elsa gently reached for the hand and swallowed thickly as her vision began to blur.

"I'm not ready," she begrudgingly admitted. The energy lacked, but Anna somehow managed to return a portion of Elsa's firm touch, giving her a silent encouragement to continue. "I... I don't know what's going to happen to me, Anna. I don't know how I'm going to cope waking up without you there. To... To continue living... without you. What am I going to do when...?"

Leukemia was an unfair enemy. Most of the time, it played with people's emotions—the patient's or their families and friends'. One moment, a person who has it might be the liveliest on earth, and the next, he or she would be the weakest. For Anna, she was locked in an endless dance with it as her unpredictable partner. Her energy would come and go without a warning, doing as it pleased since she reached her late teenage years.

Some considered it a miracle that she even lasted this long. Maybe it was.

But Elsa wished she could last longer.

She hoped to wake up every day with Anna by her side, to kiss her wife good morning as the sun's rays slipped through their window. She wanted to cook for her, to give her a relaxing massage if her muscles ached, and to sing her a song until she fell asleep. She dreamed of making passionate love and building a family together, prayed for a future with the woman wrapped in her arms.

But nothing hurts more than waking up every day and seeing the life slowly drain from a loved one. To see her sun-kissed skin become paler each day, to see the red of her lips turning blue, and, God, when Anna exerted great effort one morning trying to stand when only the day prior, she could run? It was a devastating sight.

Anna had been fighting this disease for too long, and she was tired.

"Elsa..."

"I'm sorry," Elsa sniffed. "I... I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to... ruin this day, but it..." As much as she tried to hold it in, the rawness of her emotions came out in a watery sob that bubbled from the back of her throat. "Y-You wanted to see them a-and..."

...to say goodbye.

The weak arms that wrapped around her trembling body comforted as much as a grain of rice could satiate a hungry beast. Elsa succeeded in keeping these thoughts to herself for the entire day, but now that they were alone and back in the comfort of their house, the thoughts and emotions burst rapidly like the waters from a broken dam.

"I-I tried, Anna. I tried not to think about it, to a-act normal for today, b-but—"

"Shh." Anna gently placed her lips on the crown of Elsa's head. "I know, baby. You did great."

Somehow, Elsa found that hard to believe. "I—"

"Thank you." Anna's thanks earned her a confused look, but she didn't explain further until Elsa calmed down enough to actually process her next words. "Thank you for holding it together, for trying to smile for me."

With this, the tears rushed forth once again. Elsa wanted to silence Anna, to kiss her in order to stop the words that she was certain would come out of her lips. The way Anna looked at her with those luminous eyes, talked to her with that type of gentleness...

She knew it was her turn.

But she couldn't bring herself to stop it.

Teal eyes glossed over and a rueful, watery smile curved on pale lips. "I don't want to die, Elsa. I don't want to leave you," Anna sobbed and reached up a hand to wipe away a few of Elsa's unstoppable tears. "But... I don't want to go to sleep and not wake up without giving you a proper goodbye."

"P-Please..."

"I love you," she said, ignoring Elsa's plea for her to stop. "I love you and... I'm sorry I couldn't give you the life you wanted for us. I'm... sorry I couldn't fulfill our promise of... of growing old together."

"Anna—"

"Elsa, plea—" A series of coughs stopped her mid-sentence and Elsa gritted her teeth, telling and trying to convince herself to listen because she knew, oh how she knew, that their remaining time together was limited and nearing its end. "You... You will be okay, baby. You," Anna cupped her damped, rosy cheeks, "are the most amazing person I've ever met. And I'm very, very lucky to have met you and be your wife. Don't forget that."

Words were unspoken as they got lost in each other's eyes. A mutual understanding settled between them and as another gentle breeze blew past, Elsa squeezed the hand that was still on her cheek and nuzzled against it.

"I love you."

The smile on Anna's face was the brightest Elsa had ever seen since her health's rapid decline. It was unbearably painful, her heart might as well be torn to shreds, seeing this. But, at the same time, something inside of her felt at peace for once.

The tension on Anna's muscles relaxed and once again, she buried herself on Elsa's side for a warm embrace. This close, it was easy to tell that her breathing had long intervals and the rise and fall of her chest were slower. With one last look in the sky, Elsa closed her eyes and kissed her wife's forehead lovingly, pouring all her feelings into it.

Goodbye, my love.