In a Venn diagram of the Olsen twins and French people, there is but one intersection: cigarettes. Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy—an Olsen twin and a French person, respectively—are not unaware of this fact, even as they remain unaware of how strange they look as a couple, the 46-year-old banker towering over the 29-year-old fashion designer like a withering oak might tower over a rapidly cooling Starbucks cup someone accidentally left under the withering oak. On Friday night, the two were wed in an “intimate Manhattan ceremony,” where, according to Page Six, party decor consisted of “bowls and bowls filled with cigarettes, and everyone smoked the whole night.”

Page Six quickly moves on to other details about the wedding, as if anything else matters after “bowls and bowls filled with cigarettes.” Here they are, as sparse and generic as one might expect from the notoriously private Olsen: The reception was held at a “private residence on 49th Street, between Second and Third avenues”; 50 guests drank cocktails in “a rear garden” before eating dinner inside; and everyone was asked to turn in their cell phones, likely for fear that someone might catch an unflatteringly lit photo of the bowls of cigarettes. Speaking of which, let’s circle back. How big were the bowls? How many bowls were there? Were the cigarettes boxed, or merely thrown pseudo-casually into the bowls together, butts akimbo, menthols intermingling with cloves, American Spirits sidling up to Camels, Parliaments soiling Virginia Slims?

“Everyone smoked the whole night” is also something of a disturbing sentence, especially considering the wedding was held indoors and likely went on for many hours. The mind reels at the dry-cleaning costs. Do Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy insist that everyone they socialize with—including Sarkozy’s half-brother, former French president Nicolas Sarkozy—passionately chain-smoke? What about the guests who, I don’t know, forgive me for even suggesting it, don’t smoke? Did they just run intermittently into the rear garden, gasping desperately at the fresh, floral-scented air, eyes stinging, wondering why they couldn’t have instead developed a friendship with Ashley, who has always been the more responsible twin?

Concern for their lungs aside, we congratulate Mary-Kate, who has two fashion lines, and Olivier, who has two kids from a previous marriage. Though they’ve both found fame, riches, and love, they’ve clearly not forgotten this old-but-relevant proverb: “Life is like a bowl full of cigarettes. Foist it upon your friends at your indoor wedding.”