We don’t know why deadly crime is rising in London, says government that cut 20,000 police

With London’s murder total reaching fifty for the year so far, the government that cut 20,000 police jobs has said it is baffled why serious crime is on the rise.

As the murder rate in London surpassing New York’s for the first time, the police have come under scrutiny for why they have been unable to keep the rate under control, despite having less money, fewer staff, and more bureaucracy to deal with.

“We are at a complete loss, we just don’t know why this is happening,” explained Policing Minister Nick Hurd, speaking for the government that has demanded a total of two billion pounds in savings from the police forces across the country.

“We don’t know why these criminals are doing what they’re doing, or how they are able to continue doing it with impunity,” he continued, seemingly oblivious to warnings from senior police officials over the last three years that this is the sort of thing that would happen if you cut police funding by 18% in real terms, which they did anyway.

“I think it’s disingenuous to link us cutting police funding, and crime going up. That’s the sort of political opportunism we’d expect from the left, but anyone with even a passing understanding of how evidence works would realise that giving the police less money just means they work harder – so if anything, the crime figures should be going down.”

A London policeman told us, “Look, it’s shit, we know the murder figures look bad – they are bad. But honestly, I don’t know what the government expects when we’ve got 3,000 fewer police out on the streets in the capital than we had when they came to power.

“Criminals aren’t as stupid as our politicians, unfortunately.”