The EU summit in Latvia has descended into acrimony after leaders were unable to agree whose potential exit from the Union would be called what.

The Latvian president Andris Bērziņš refused to accept a demand by his Lithuanian counterpart that if they quit the EU it would be called a Lexit. ‘They’re not even planning to leave,’ Bērziņš complained. ‘I know we aren’t either, but in London they’re planning a Brexit and in Athens a Grexit, so why shouldn’t we also expend lots of pointless hot air about a Lexit here in Riga? Clearly everybody would assume that referred to us, not them.’

The Lithuanian government had suggested that their neighbours could use the term “Latvian exit”, but this was angrily dismissed as ‘outdated and hugely wasteful’ by the Latvians. ‘Nobody uses that kind of full-length language any more,’ said a spokesman. ‘Are they suggesting that if Finland left they wouldn’t call it a Fexit? It’s just insane.’

The trend for syncopated terminology has indeed been spreading in recent months, with senior officials at the EBU using the term ‘Austrantrance’ for the arrival of Australia on the Eurovision stage, while Vladimir Putin is said to be keen to rebrand his country’s recent foreign policy initiatives as ‘Ukrappiness’.

There is little hope of successfully concluding negotiations before the end of the summit although some progress has been made, with Germany close to brokering a deal between Sweden, Slovenia and Spain over who would have a Sexit.

‘Our preferred proposal is that we stop using the term ‘exit’ altogether,’ said a senior negotiator for the French, meanwhile. ‘We’ve been saying for years now that if the Greeks leave we can just call it ‘a bloody shame’, and if the British leave we’ll call it ‘a relief’.