During the next day of testimony at the impeachment hearings, maybe Taylor Swift should be subpoenaed to perform her new song, “Beautiful Ghosts.” Or maybe lawmakers should bring in Broadway stars, standup comedians, magicians, jugglers, the cast of “Friends” and the black cat that recently ran across an NFL field.

Would that liven things up? As Jimmy Kimmel put it after the historic inquiry started: “There are a lot of hot takes out there right now. One of the dumbest ones is that these impeachment hearings aren’t interesting enough.”

He then showed a tweet from NBC News:

“Analysis: The first two witnesses called Wednesday testified to President Trump’s scheme, but lacked the pizzazz necessary to capture public attention.”

Analysis? Or proof the world has gone insane?

When I go to traffic court, I don’t expect to be amused. If I were to be audited by the tax cops, I wouldn’t expect it to play out like scenes from “Bad Boys.” Such processes are designed to get to the bottom of something, methodically and tediously. They are not designed to top-line the razzle-dazzle.

There is a reason they don’t sell popcorn inside the Superior Court of Justice.

As Kimmel noted of the first two impeachment witnesses, William Taylor and George Kent: “These were two career civil servants giving sworn testimony about a potential attempt to undermine our democracy. They’re also supposed to have pizzazz? Is this an impeachment hearing or an episode of ‘Dance Moms’?”

He wasn’t the only late-night host to rain fire upon the “impeachment is boring” talking point, which has become a mantra on Fox News in recent days.

As Stephen Colbert, also playing on the word “pizzazz,” sarcastically quipped: “Yeah. That’s what I’m looking for in deeply troubling congressional hearings — Zazz! That’s why during Iran-Contra, Oliver North came dressed as Elton John.”

Then there was Seth Meyers: “The only politicians who have ever been entertaining were the ones in ‘Hamilton.’ What do you want them to do — show up with their own backup dancers like they’re in a chorus line?”

On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah framed it perfectly.

“These hearings are investigating whether the president of the United States committed high crimes or misdemeanours. So they’re supposed to be serious, not about excitement ... Impeachment is like a family reunion: if it’s sexy, something has gone horribly wrong.”

That our court jesters need to point this out is rather depressing.

I get why Donald Trump’s inner circle and his media lickspittles are jonesing to portray the hearings as a cinematic bomb that is at three per cent on Rotten Tomatoes: the script so far is devastating to their hero. Not since Hannibal Lecter demanded Clarice answer his creepy questions about her childhood has there been a more obvious quid pro quo.

Or if you prefer an analogy with a real-life serial killer: arguing Trump did nothing wrong with Ukraine is like saying Jeffrey Dahmer had special dietary needs. You know? He wasn’t a psychopathic cannibal! He just hated spinach!

Look, I’m tired of scrapping with the Trump Cult. If you guys still believe he is doing a bang-up job as leader of the free world, this is me slowly backing out of the room.

But forget about the quid pro quo. Trump watches TV all day. His addiction to Twitter is heroin-grade. He doesn’t read. He’s more divisive than a Confederate statue. How many millions in taxpayer dollars have vapourized so he can cheat at golf once a week? This lunatic wanted to build a moat along the southern border — a moat! And have you ever looked deep into the eyes of Melania Trump?

Loading... Loading... Loading... Loading... Loading... Loading...

You can actually see and hear her soul.

And it is whispering, “Please, help me.”

But if you want to stay on the SS Trump in the weeks and months ahead as it takes on water in the chop of impeachment, that is your right. Godspeed. You can lead a horse to water, but if that horse decides to repeatedly kick itself in the head while believing the lake is a mirage, it will probably be too woozy to take a sip.

That’s where you are right now, Trump Cult.

You’re suffering from a bad case of reality dehydration. That’s on you.

But calling the impeachment hearings “boring”? That’s on all of us.

News flash: the witnesses so far, including Taylor, Kent and, on Friday, Marie Yovanovitch, are not represented by Creative Artists Agency. They are not Kardashians or Hemsworths. They are not action stars in a summer blockbuster. This it not Cirque du Soleil. It’s not a new album from Drake. It’s not even the Christmas show at your kid’s school. It’s a process that is supposed to be a grind.

You need not give it a standing ovation.

You just need to sit still and listen with an open mind.

Engaged? Yes. Entertained? No.

“The Trump Show,” with its original cast of grifters and nutjobs, was always destined to move from E! to PBS. At some point, the crazy antics, however darkly entertaining as they careened across news cycles, were always going to crash into a concrete wall of cold, hard facts. The sideshow was always going to give way to oversight.

Now that it has, the last thing we need is to be entertained by the horribly wrong.

Read more about: