

A Tennessee Titans fan and complete fucking idiot sent a letter to The Charlotte Observer complaining that she wasn’t sure how to explain Cam Newton’s touchdown celebration dance routine to her nine-year-old daughter.

I thought sports news couldn’t get anymore ridiculous, and yet, here we are — teetering on the brink of complete and total insanity.

From The Charlotte Observer:

Because of where we sat, we had a close up view of your conduct in the fourth quarter. The chest puffs. The pelvic thrusts. The arrogant struts and the ‘in your face’ taunting of both the Titans’ players and fans. We saw it all. I refuse to believe you don’t realize you are a role model. You are paid millions of dollars every week to play hard and be a leader. In the off season you’re expected to make appearances, support charities, and inspire young kids to pursue your sport and all sports. With everything the NFL has gone through in recent years, I’m confident they have advised that you are, by virtue of your position and career choice, a role model. And because you are a role model, your behavior brought out like behavior in the stands. Some of the Panthers fans in our section began taunting the hometown fans. Many Titans fans booed you, a few offering instructive, but not necessarily family friendly, suggestions as to how you might change your behavior. My daughter sensed the change immediately – and started asking questions. Won’t he get in trouble for doing that? Is he trying to make people mad? Do you think he knows he looks like a spoiled brat? I didn’t have great answers for her, and honestly, in an effort to minimize your negative impact and what was otherwise a really fun day, I redirected her attention to the cheerleaders and mascot. I could tell she was still thinking about it as we boarded a shuttle back to our car. “I guess he doesn’t have kids or a Mom at home watching the game,” she added.

Here is the celebration in question:

Favorite part of football Sunday.. Cam Newton's celebration dance pic.twitter.com/bbJVW9KCu4 — brownielissa (@Brownie_lissa) November 17, 2015

Honey! Shield your eyes! Cam Newton’s pelvic thrusts are compromising the innocence of my daughter! WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

“What do I tell my children?” is equivalent to saying, “I’m not at all fit to be a parent.”

My favorite part of this whole story is how the mom explains how she diverted her daughter’s attention from Cam Newton dabbing on everybody to the Titans cheerleaders. You know, the girls who wear 10 inches of fabric total while dancing promiscuously for thousands of horny NFL fans IF they make weight and are allowed to perform.

Yeah, sweetie, maybe you should watch them shake their tits at some drunk Titans fans, instead. Maybe that will be you one day.

I think we all know what is really up here: This mom totally wants to fuck Cam Newton and doesn’t know how to feel about it. Maybe she should come to Bank of America Stadium Sunday afternoon and reconsider being so critical of Newton. I’ll even give her one of my tickets. Just be warned, you’re going to see 73,000 fans dab after every Panthers score.

Cam might have had the best line of the season when asked about the confrontation with the Titans linebackers: “If you don’t like it, don’t let me into the endzone.”.

[via Charlotte Observer]