CHILD Things you do as a parent that you never imagined you would do

When you become a parent there are all sorts of things that you do that you would never have imagined. Things that you don't read about in the parenting manuals or are told to expect when you are expecting.

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Some of them are just gross (but you still do them without flinching). Lots of them involve bodily fluids. Here are 20 things you do as a parent that you would never have thought you would find yourself doing:

1 Your browser cannot play this video.

When you go into check on your sleeping child and they open their eyes. You quickly retreat and duck and get out of that room with super ninja stealth to avoid eye contact in case they wake up. If that involves crawling backwards ducked down on the floor then so be it.

2 Enjoy combing nits out of your child's hair

Gross but strangely fascinating and oh so satisfying. You comb out the little critters and peer at them, examining their tiny wriggly legs and watching them crawl about on the tissue. Ewww. It's not quite so fascinating when you start itching yourself though ...

3 Talk to an adult with poo on your fingers

You've wiped your child and then realise you have a smidgen of poo on your fingers but carry on talking anyway with your hands behind your back hoping no one will notice.

4 Sing loudly in public

You are tone deaf and only ever previously sung in public after a few shandies - but now belt out The Wheels on the Bus each week at baby music in front of ten other adults - most of whom you don't know that well. And as for singing along (high pitched notes, spiky ice-hands and all) to Let it go from Frozen ... well that's pretty much a daily occurrence!

5 Catch vomit with your bare hands

It's a reflex action programmed into all parents. You just catch it.

6 Pick someone else's nose

You think nothing of digging out a crusty bogey from your child's snot-filled nostril. Some even use snot-suckers to take out snot with their MOUTHS!

7 Bite someone else's fingernails

Gross - but it's easier than sharp scissors with tiny nails. You happily chew away and spit out.

8 Eat chocolate in the bathroom

Not the most romantic of settings to enjoy a treat. Before becoming a parent you'd have never believed you'd retreat to the toilet to scoff a Flake. But sometimes it's the only place where they won't find you. After all you have to keep up the pretence that you only ever eat healthy snacks and - more importantly - if they see you, you'll have to share! So the kids are in the lounge eating strawberries and rice cakes and you're in the loo snarfing a bar of Dairy Milk!

9 Eat spat-out food

Your child hands you a bit of spat out ham sandwich and sometimes there's just no where else to put it but into your own mouth - and chew. Ewwwwwwwww!

10 Wash a 5p from a poo

You examine each 'stool', digging into it like an archeologist clearing mud from a fossil and then when you find your 'treasure' you wash it to show the doctor and present as evidence that the coin your child swallowed had 'passed through'.

11 Fish a poo out of the bath

With your hands. Say no more.

12 Cry at the news

Any story involving an ill/missing/abused child/ and any other story involving mild peril or tragedy...in fact much of the news - just has you in bits. Also adverts involving cute animals, brave heroes, sad penguins and the John Lewis Christmas ads can reduce us to blubbering wrecks.

13 Spin out a chat with the postie

As you are so desperate for adult company after a day at home with small children.

14 Try breast milk

Just a teensy bit to see what it tasted like - have you?

15 Wipe snot on your sleeve

Daily occurrence. You don't even think about it.

16 Sniff someone else's bum

Before kids it would be an invasion of personal space offence at least and possibly a criminal offence. But as a parent you think nothing of lifting up and deeply inhaling a small person's bottom for evidence that they have pooed!

17 Fish a toy out of the (unflushed) loo

Or perhaps even a phone/remote ... If it's important you'll barely flinch as you delve deep into the (yellowing) toilet bowl to rescue said item.

18 Hang with your arms dragging on the floor and your body twisted in some unearthly (and sore) position whilst you sleep

As a small but star-fish sleeping body steals all your bed space. How can they be so tiny but take up so much room in the bed?

19 Go through the soft play

Soft play is just for kids - right? So how come you find yourself wading through (germ ridden surely) ball pools and sliding down bumpy padded slides and pretending you are having fun on an almost weekly basis for approximately three years?

20 Rock your body or rock the supermarket trolley when you're standing in a queue to soothe your baby even when you're shopping alone

You're kid free but when you stand still you automatically rock back and forth in rhythmic soothing movements. If your baby was with you this would be socially acceptable. If they are not you end up looking slightly unhinged.

How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 is a must-read for every parent. See more details here at Amazon.

This article contains affiliate links, which means we may earn a small amount of money if a reader clicks through and makes a purchase. All our articles and reviews are written independently by the Netmums editorial team.