Photograph by Joe Raedle / Getty

BATON ROUGE (The Borowitz Report)—Just days after withdrawing from the 2016 Presidential race, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal said that he would return the seventy dollars raised by his campaign.

Speaking to reporters in Baton Rouge, Jindal said he was proud that his campaign war chest “came entirely from small donors.”

“This wasn’t a campaign financed by fat cats,” he said. “We raised all of our funds from nine small donors, for an average of $7.78 per donor.”

He bemoaned the high costs of running a political campaign in the current environment, however, and acknowledged that his staff was never able to acquire the replacement toner cartridge that they needed.