The other day, a client came in describing his wife’s behavior as Borderline Personality Disorder. He had numerous examples of how perfectly she fit the profile and how he had been traumatized by her behavior. For example, she was fearful of his abandonment and in desperation would rage anytime he mentioned separation. Yet every time the conversation was redirected to him, he became evasive.

Physically, his face seemed unusually red, he was a bit shaky, noticeably uncomfortable, and yet was meticulously groomed. His manner of speech seemed rehearsed and he was hyper-focused on his wife. He desperately wanted affirmation that he was right in his diagnosis of her. It took nearly the whole session to gain the most basic information about him. That’s when it became clear. He was an alcoholic. Several sessions later, it was apparent that she was not Borderline, but rather severely co-dependent.