I don’t know many people who work in the service industry who like Yelp. Yelp has become a website that lets people think they are very important restaurant critics who have opinions that matter. Any Tom, Dick or Hairy Asshole can get on their Yelp app and fill themselves with self-importance. Too many restaurant owners and managers live and breathe by the Yelp reviews and when a customer specifically calls out a server by name, it can get pretty dicey. Of course there are times that people will write a review and praise their server and the service, but more often than not, the only time someone bothers with naming names is to place blame and point fingers.

The Australian Grill, a restaurant in Carlsbad, California, has an owner who is not going to let someone post unjustified negative shit about her restaurant and get away with it. When someone named Johnny W. went in recently with a Groupon (I hate Groupon even more than I hate Yelp), he was very unhappy with his experience. Poor little Johnny wanted happy hour drinks with his Groupon even though everyone on the planet knows that Groupon is already a deal and you can’t use it with other offers. “Not valid with any other offers” is printed all over the goddamn Groupon. When the whiny little bitch didn’t get his way, he did what most men with small penises do, which is try to compensate for their lack of size in one area by emphasizing another area. In Johnny’s case, he decided to emphasize his humongous brain and his ability to open up his Yelp app on his phone. He complained about his poor service, the price of the food and the fact that he couldn’t get happy hour prices with his Groupon. He claims that had the service been better, they “probably would have spent much more on food and drinks.” Bitch, please. You already complained that you thought it was overpriced so you expect anyone to believe that had they been nicer to you, you would have been happy to spend more money? He also complains that the owner seemed upset that they only spent the bare minimum with the Groupon. Ummm, hello? Anyone who has ever had the misfortune of serving someone with a Groupon already knows that you are only going to spend the bare minimum. It’s what you Groupon people do. Anyhoo, Johnny threw his review up on Yelp and it’s interesting to note that this is his first and only review, proving my point that people are quicker to complain than compliment. He thought that was the end of it. Nope.

The owner, Stefanie, responded and called his ass out by name. Can we get a “whoop whoop” for Stefanie?? She asserts that they were friendly to him until his little bitch ass started to cry when he couldn’t get happy hour prices if he still wanted to use his precious Groupon. She also called him a “seasoned coupon clipper” which is totally mean, bitchy, uncalled for and I love it. She goes on to call out his friend who was with him, Alexa Kliebenstein. Stefanie tells the world of Yelpers that Johnny W. and Alexa stiffed the waiter by only leaving 18 cents and that they bolted out of of the restaurant with the server not far behind. She also claims that the server fronted them $6 because they didn’t have enough money to cover their check. She makes it clear that they are not welcome back to the restaurant and for other servers to be aware of these cheap assholes.

Stefanie is my hero of the day. She understands that, too often, Yelp is a platform for people to try to negatively impact businesses when they don’t get what they want. It’s important to respond to critics who have unjustified complaints. He has a right to think it’s overpriced, but I looked at the menu and it seems fair to me. It’s more expensive than some restaurants but less expensive than others, so it’s a subjective complaint. He thinks the service was rude but that was only after they wouldn’t give him what he wanted and then he was even ruder in return. And he can’t complain that happy hour and Groupon don’t mix. Rules is rules, Johnny. Suck it up. Thank you to Stefanie for standing up for your restaurant and for your server. You rock.

Riddle: what do you get when you cross a Grouponer and a Yelper?

Answer: an asshole named Johnny W.