Under pressure

From an anonymous teen

Dear Carole, I'm in 6th form and ever since GCSE revision I feel I have been on a treadmill. I have to compete in sport against other schools, I've got A-level revision now and college or university is ahead of me, and thus more and more exams to pass, then job-hunting in a recession and more competition. Where is the fun in all this? Who decided this is the way society should be run? Do I have an alternative? I just want to enjoy my life without all this pressure.

Ask Carole: Chimpanzee wearing spectacles Photograph: Public Domain

Carole replies:

I hear you. Primates are hierarchical and the higher up the hierarchy you are the better your chances of survival. We compete with each other over access to food, access to mates and access to safe sleeping sites. Available resources rarely meet the demands made by wild primates or indeed humans and thus competition is a way of life. It is usually more physically intense among males than females.

If it's any consolation, if you were someone born during a baby-boom era (such as the 1960s and late 1980s in the UK) the competition would be even more intense. Research has shown that baby boomers are more likely to experience aggression and risk-taking than others in less competitive environments.

The generation you were born into will age with you and journey through life alongside you. In your email you clearly highlight various stages of competition. This is ongoing. In old age you will again compete with your generation for the best accommodation in old folks homes.

At first glance hippy trails, communes and alternative societies offer escape from competition with your fellow primates. Experimental economists study the Amish because members of this group obey rules of cooperation that mutually benefit each other and minimise competition. For example, all able-bodied Amish men work as a team to build a house for a newly married couple.

But due to inbreeding the Amish suffer a higher than average incidence of genetic disorders, such as dwarfism, and due to their practice of strict patriarchy there is an increased prevalence of sexual and physical abuse against Amish women and children.

Alternative societies are rarely fun utopias for long – if ever.

Western society consists of systems within systems and to succeed among your peers these rules must be followed and at various stages you will be tested and forced to compete against them. I think it is fair to say that not a lot of "fun" was factored into the machine.

Oh, to run away from it all! But where would you go? You are a primate and you cannot run from that.

All primate species are hierarchical. Accounts of the Machiavellian social politics of wild apes are Shakespearean in their plotting and complexity. But your primate cousins do make time for fun. Field primatologists have for years reported accounts of the apes they study forming close bonds, laughing, playing and tickling each other. Love, friendship and pleasure can all be observed in ape behaviour.

So, find friends who share your taste in what constitutes fun. You are born a competitive primate, but you are also born to have fun – you just need to make time for it.

1. Hiraiwa-Hasegawa, M. (2005) Homicide by men in Japan, and its relationship to age, resources and risk-taking. Evolution and Human Behavior; 26: 332-343.

2. Souza, M. et al. (2009) Evolution of cooperation under N-person snowdrift games. Journal of Theoretical Biology; 260 (4): 581-588.

3. McKusick, V. A. (2000) Ellis-van Creveld syndrome and the Amish. Nature Genetics; 24: 203-204.

4. Koenig, A. (2002) Competition for resources and its behavioural consequences among female primates. International Journal of Primatology; 23 (4): 759-783.

5. Ross, M. D. et al (2009) Reconstructing the evolution of laughter in great apes and humans. Current Biology; 19 (13): 1106-1111.

6. de Waal, F. (2000) Primates – a natural heritage of conflict resolution. Science Magazine; 289 (5479): 586-590.

Some people just don't care

From an anonymous female, no age given

Dear Carole, Why is it that some people just don't seem to care about others, and some people care so much? Is it just the people who seem not to care are ignorant of the problems around them or are some people not able to empathise, or are more selfish? I feel very hurt by my friends and relatives when they dont seem to care. How can I stop this feeling of hurt?

Ask Carole: Chimpanzee wearing spectacles Photograph: Public Domain

Carole replies:

Some believe the "three wise monkeys" of Eastern folklore, who see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil, are wise because they prioritise themselves while ignoring the needs of others. Certainly this is one survival strategy in the game of life.

Yes, some people are intentionally selfish while others are just not wired for altruism and have to be taught the rules of cooperation. Cooperation is essential to all primate species, and has contributed to the success of Homo sapiens, but there is also great variation within species and not all humans are equal in their empathic abilities.

If you are empathic you will be aware when others cannot access your depth of concern and this will leave you disappointed and isolated. If we all acted with each others' best interests at heart the world would be quite different, but in the end the only person you can change is yourself.

Make sure you spend time with other primates who match your depth of sensitivity and try to accept those whose altruism goes no further than their immediate blood relatives.

If you are someone who spontaneously gives on demand you may take on too many causes and too many waifs and strays and become overwhelmed. So try to channel your goodwill into existing charities and pressure groups. This way you can keep the scale of your giving within reasonable limits. You matter too you know.

1. van Vugt, M, De Cremer, D, Janssen, D (2007) Gender differences in co-operation and competition: The male warrior hypothesis. Psychological Science; 18: 19-23.

2. Wubben, MJJ et al (2009) How emotion communication guides reciprocity: Establishing cooperation through disappointment and anger. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology; 45 (4): 987-990.

3. Kerr, NL, Rumble, AC et al (2009) "How many bad apples does it take to spoil the whole barrel?": Social exclusion and toleration for bad apples. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology; 45 (4): 603-613.

Carole is UK-based and as such any advice she gives is intended for a UK audience only.