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That's true, by the way. There is indeed a Saudi app that lets a woman's father/husband/brother/male family pet know when she tries to leave the country. Because how can they be sure that some sicko hasn't lured her away with cute pics of those unholy, irresistible puppies? See? It's all an effort to protect women.

"As a Saudi woman," Aaida explains, "I'm treated as a minor legally. If I want to renew my passport, my guardian has to do that. If I want to get a job, my guardian has to sign that off. It needs to be clear that my guardian is OK with that. Until 10 years ago, my guardian would have access to my bank account, but they stopped that now."

HASSAN AMMAR / Stringer/Getty Images

Probably realizing it'd be easier to simply not let women have their own money.

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And yet, another Saudi woman we spoke to insists that the country's rules have their occasional upsides: "When you go to some party and, y'know, you have somebody with you, then you will not be talked at so much by people. You're not so much exposed, because you can always refer to your relative -- 'Help me out. This person won't leave me alone.' Sometimes, it may happen that someone wants to talk to you, dance with you, and it's really helpful to have someone who can say, 'She doesn't want to talk to you.'"

So Saudi Arabia treats women like second-class citizens in order to protect them from assholes, who believe they are justified in behaving like assholes because Saudi women are second-class citizens. It's an ouroboros of crap.

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Adam is a renowned forum lurker. As an avid Cracked fan, having his pseudonym mentioned in this article is nothing short of the fulfillment of a life-long dream.Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor. Contact him at c.j.strusiewicz@gmail.com.

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