Last year, 200 people collapsed with Fletcher's Corn Dogs still in their hands.

Dallas, TX — The State Fair of Texas will set up emergency cardiologist stations throughout the fair grounds this year as a courtesy to guests dining primarily on Fair Food.

The announcement came in tandem with the list of semi finalists for the Fair’s annual fried food competition. This year’s contenders for the “People’s Choice Award” are:

Bacon Wrapped Churros Down Home Chicken Pot Pie Pocket (with mac ‘n cheese dip) Bacon Wrapped Pork Belly on a Stick Fried Cookies & Cream Sundae Barn Yard Burger Fried Jell-O Buffalo Chicken Jalapeno Poppers Fried Prime Rib Quesadill”O” Caribbean Pineapple Korn-a-Copia Funnel Cake Sundae Crunchy Fried Oinkers Holy Guacamole Balls Dallas’ Fried Bacontilla Injectable Great Balls of BBQ Deep Fried Bacon Burger Dog Sliders on a Stick Loaded Bacon Mashed Potato Egg Roll Deep Fried Bacon Wrapped Tater’ Dog Lollipop Fried Bacon Wrapped Quail Breast on a Stick Deep Fried Cannoli Bites Pina-A lot-Ta Deep Fried Cheeseburger Stuffed Onion Rings Seductive Fried Sea Salt Caramel Wrap Deep Fried Chicken Basket Shrimp Fritters Deep Fried Hawaiian Hoops Southern Fried Chicken & Dumplin’s Deep Fried Nachos State Fair Cookie Fries Deep Fried Pulled Pork “Funyun” Dings State Fair Edible Colas Deep Fried Smoked Salmon & Bacon Croquettes Texas Fried Buffalo Quail Dorito Bacon Fried Cheese Stick Texas Fried Pinatacolupa

The American Heart Association issued a warning to people attending the Fair. They advise particularly against trying to sample every item that made it to the semifinals in a single day. “The massive intake of fried food on a single day could lead to huge spikes in LDL (low density lipoproteins) as well as blood sugar. Last year, 200 people collapsed with Fletcher’s Corn Dogs still in their hands. To aid in preventing further tragedy, the AHA will deploy interventional cardiologists at strategic locations throughout the Fair to provide emergency heart catheterizations on the spot. Due to safety concerns, full by-pass surgery will be prepped at the fairgrounds and administered at nearby Baylor Medical Center.”

Fair spokesman Dave Reynolds praised the Association’s actions. “We support the work of the AHA and look forward to hosting their doctors at the Fair this year. To show our support, every attendee who uses their services will receive a free order of Deep Fried Oreos.”

Sampling of State Fair of Texas Foods

Fletcher's Corny Dogs The Fried Food that started it all. Every pretender to the throne measures itself against the King of Fair Food. Wooden stick. Nitrite-filled hot dog. Corn batter. Deep fried. You can just feel your arteries clogging right now. The Fletcher's Corny Dog is steeped in history, as this history lesson shows.

Chicken Fried Corn on the Cob This ranks right behind Apple Pie as the most American dish imaginable.

Deep Fried Oreos Only Texans would take sugar-infused lard surrounded by cookies, batter it and then deep fry it. Cardiologists call this a "super wallet food" for them.

Deep Fried Butter Known as the cardiologist's "Holy Grail", this round of butter is battered and deep fried. It's basically taking the express train to by-pass surgery.

Chicken Fried Bacon When regular bacon is just too darn healthy for you, naturally the logical next step is to deep fry it. The Brewblog recommends you take a statin immediately after even viewing this.

Deep Fried Twinkies Immortal spongecake. Chemically enhanced creme filling. Battered and deep fried to drive any nutrients which might have survived out.

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