the aneymageyammo version

(Firstly, let me just say that you should go read the Roar article (https://roar.life/travel/101-things-to-do-in-sri-lanka/) that this is based off. It’s pretty interesting. Further I admire Roar and the work they do and are probably the only Sri Lankan media platform that I actually follow and whose articles are insightful and interesting. And I mean no offence to them by this piece of shit writing.

All that being said, the troll is strong in me.)

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1. Take the train

Up the hills. Down the coast. Through the Kelani Valley. Across to Batticaloa. All the way to Jaffna.

Especially on a weekday at rush hour so you get to really enjoy getting crushed amidst a plethora of sweat, grumpy faces and perverts

2. Go fly a kite!

From your backyard. In a paddy field. On Sunday at Galle Face Green.

Get it entangled in someone else’s kite or watch as it bloody crashes into a bloody tree in the Taj Samudra garden.

3. Turn your commute into a conversation

Ask your tuk tuk driver if they have a meter. Listen to their life story. Tell them your life story. Understand the politics of the country. Complain about traffic. And if you’re lucky, be serenaded.

Instantly regret it as he unloads all his grievances about the state of the country and how he could probably do a much better job. Regret it even further if you are female and he starts getting ideas about his chances. *wink wink nudge nudge*

4. Stare at an endless piece of ocean that stretches up to Antarctica

Dondra Head. There’s a lighthouse here, at the southernmost point of Sri Lanka.

Realize that this isn’t that much of an achievement and you really need to rethink your life choices.

5. Stand 40 kilometres away from India

Point Pedro. Take a picture with the signpost. This is the northernmost point of Sri Lanka.

And wish you were in fact further away from India. Enjoy the smell of dry fish while you wait.

6. Drink every kind of tea imaginable

The super-sweet kadé tea in cheap plastic glasses. True Ceylon Tea up in a plantation bungalow. The afternoon pick-me-up at your office.

Then spend obscene amounts of money for strangely made tea at tea cafes while remembering never to mention it to your grandmother who would instantly disown you for spending so much money on ‘a cup of bloody tea with a fancy bloody name in a fancy bloody glass.’

7. Pay homage to an ancient relic

Home to the sacred tooth relic of the Buddha since the 16th century, The Dalada Maligawa or Temple of the Tooth in Kandy is one of Sri Lanka’s most venerated temples and famous tourist attractions.

While realizing you can’t actually see much and you wish the tourists would let you get just a little bit closer.

8. Visit an airport that used to have paddy stocks. And flights.

It was once called the World’s Emptiest Airport.

Yup. Seem’s about right actually. I can’t change this one.

9. Find architecture left behind from the colonial era

The Dutch Hospital. Independence Arcade. Race Course. The General Post Office. And those are just the ones in Colombo.

Also find architecture left over from the former government’s era that the current government can’t be bothered completing because they are too busy blaming the former government for said architecture.

10. Drive down Sri Lanka’s first expressway

Also known as the E01. To a tourist hotspot on the south coast. For a night or a day. Or just for lunch or dinner.

Watch as idiots zoom past you at way over the speed limit and wonder why you are adhering to the same limit when you could just zoom ahead and then waste time at Canowin whatsitsname and eat slightly iffy food before zooming on ahead again. Additional points for scolding large vehicles and questioning why the hell they were allowed on the highway.

11. Visit the second largest blowhole in the world

We call it the Hummanaya because of the “hoo” sound it makes. Find it in Kudawella, off Dickwella on the southern coast.

The first largest blowhole in the world is the collective Sri Lankan Parliament sessions.

12. Find the fort in Colombo Fort

Once a mighty bastion, now forgotten. Plan a weekend walking tour.

Get mugged along the way.

13. Explore ancient civilisations

Of all the historic capitals, Anuradhapura and Polonnaruwa stand out as two of Sri Lanka’s grandest ancient cities. Several well-preserved ruins remain today and serve as a glimpse into the advanced civilisation Sri Lanka once was, complete with a number of achievements that put us on the map too.

Get scorched in the heat. Listen to local tour guides bullshitting Sri Lankan history to the white man.

14. Float through mangroves and marshes

Take a boat through the Muthurajawela wetlands, from a Dutch canal to the Negombo lagoon. Look out for wildlife and appreciate our spectacular mangroves — we’re the only country in the world to protect them. Try to spot a fishing cat.

Enjoy the smell of the canals, fall into a river, make sure you bring a few leeches home as souvenirs. If you’re lucky get mangroped.

15. Find the best cheese kottu

Few places do it right. The fanatics know where. The best is subjective.

After so many trial and error diarrhea sessions find the perfect kotthu only to find they changed the fellow who made it and it’s crap again.

16. Wake up with the sun in the east

Anywhere between Trincomalee and Arugam Bay. If you’re staying overnight, plan for a Poya Day. The full moon is just as stunning.

Plan to wake up to catch the sunset. Only for it to be covered by clouds or have the beach hogged by a thousand other people who had the same idea. Silently curse at home while you photoshop out the 23rd tourist trying to hold the sun in his hands.

17. Catch the sunset in the west

The pinkish-orange sky and silhouettes of people look great on Instagram.

Or while stuck in traffic in marine drive. You’ll have plenty of time, you may even be able to get down take a picture and get back to your vehicle.

18. Get up close with almost every turtle in the world

Sri Lanka is visited by five out of seven species of sea turtle that roam the seas. Watch them lay eggs in Rekawa. Hold the little ones in your palm at the Kosgoda Hatchery. Touch the big ones that come ashore. The Chinese tourists will join you — turtles are a symbol of good luck for them.

Get told how you can’t hold the baby turtles because it’s not good for them only to see some poor fellow get handed to the tourist next to you who had some spare dollars lying around. Also, I always thought spying on a mother turtle while she technically gives birth is… kinda creepy. Also, don’t touch all the big ones. I shall leave that as is.

19. Find all the nelum pokunas (lotus ponds)

The original pond in Polonnaruwa. The new pond in the Urban Wetland Park. The theatre in Colombo 7. The railway station on the Puttalam Line.

The theatre and station can’t really be called ponds. I don’t know what more to say.

20. Eat local food that isn’t so local

Some of Sri Lanka’s greatest culinary delights are not quite Sri Lankan. For instance, our beloved hoppers and string hoppers have their roots in South India, while we have the Dutch to thank for lamprais and the Portuguese for love cake.

Enjoy hearing the white man think up fancy names for said food, crispy pancakes is so much better than hoppers no?

21. Get to the beach through the mountains

If you’re willing to trade an hour on the E01 for a couple more hours through the southern hills to Galle, this adventure is for you.

Or go to the mountains through the beach. Or just do one. Anything goes really.

22. Tour a tea factory

Discover the craft behind the liquid gold that keeps our island running.

Then go have some tea and chocolate cake at their conveniently located café, because why not.

23. Visit a lighthouse in the city

Colombo Lighthouse is an often overlooked lighthouse closer to home. Complete with a view of the Port City construction.

And then wonder what the big deal about visiting a lighthouse in the city is let alone the beauty that is the white elephant Port City.

24. Sing with a calypso band

Often found in beachside restaurants. When they walk up to your table, request for some classics, or embarrass your friends on their birthdays.

Or quietly keep your heads down and hope to bloody goodness they pass by you because you really can’t be bothered listening to them.

25. Replace your workout with a local bus ride

We’re not talking about expressway buses here. Try the private buses and CTB buses in and out of Colombo. Learn the routes. Get stuck like sardines. Hang on to something.

Get groped, crotchfaced, sweatfaced, shortchanged and trafficked. It’s the best.

26. See Sri Lanka from the sky

On a seaplane. In a hot-air balloon. When you go paramotoring. Prepare your eyes for every shade of green you can possibly imagine. The views are magical.

What’s more magical is the price these operators charge. Looking at you Cinnamon air.

27. Watch hundreds of elephants gather on an ancient migratory route

Pitched as both one of the world’s greatest wildlife spectacles and “one of the world’s biggest pool parties”, The Gathering sees hundreds of elephants congregate on the banks of an ancient reservoir in the Minneriya National Park between June and August every year. But the influx of tourism is also having an impact on conservation efforts, so please travel responsibly.

Hear stories about how yet another elephant got killed because their ancient migratory route just happened to now be some human’s farming patch so screw them. Man is more important than elephant after all. Don’t forget to go to the Dehiwala Zoo and watch these majestic beasts get ridiculed and forced to do stupid stunts for shits, giggles and income.

28. Dive to the shipwreck of the world’s first aircraft carrier

Behold, the H.M.S. Hermes that sits off the coast of Batticaloa.

Realize that you can’t just ‘dive’ and need to go through a ton of other stuff first.

29. Remind yourself that you’re on an island, even in Colombo

Walk the promenade at Galle Face Green. Grab some isso vadai and achcharu. Sit on the stairs and watch the sunset. Resist the urge to buy anything with bubbles

And when you are at Galle face, ignore the couples smooching up a storm. Stare goggle eyed at all the meaty delights Nana’s has to offer. Then wonder which bloody Nana’s is the original one because they all say the same thing.

30. Wrap yourself in colourful patterns

Although not exclusively native to Sri Lanka, the sarong is an essential part of our culture. Historically, a form of traditional dress that is still worn today by both genders, the unique colours and patterns of our sarongs have begun making a comeback into other aspects of Sri Lankan culture, including fashion and tourism.

Preferably not from Odel or Laksala because, you know, whatthehellaretheythinking pricing strategies. Definitely don’t go to Lakpahana. After that famous scandal, goodness knows what their cloth has been wrapped around

31. Get lost in a jungle or tropical rainforest

Our island has plenty of them. Sinharaja is arguably the most well-known. Think long walks, no cell signal, and the occasional leech attack.

Get lost in a jungle. Yeah. No. Thanks. Also, more mention must be given to leeches.

32. Taste the fundamental flavours of nearly every meal in the world

Over the course of history, Sri Lanka has earned its reputation as an island of spices. While our most famous spice export is Ceylon Cinnamon (accounting for 85% of global market share), our other exotic condiments still don’t fail to attract taste buds from the world over.

Then wonder why your local buth kade can’t take just a little more time to make that chicken curry taste a little better than curry water.

33. See fish at Pigeon Island

Go snorkelling, and watch out for the Blacktip Reef Sharks!

Also. Pigeons.

34. Tee off in the city, up in the mountains or, down by the sea

Play a round of golf in one of Sri Lanka’s many golf courses in Colombo, Digana, Diyatalawa, Hambantota, Kandy, Nuwara Eliya, or Trincomalee.

Like with diving, realize too late that you can’t just waltz into a golf course.

35. Swing on a coconut tree

Search for a location called Mihiripenna on Instagram. Leave the climbing up to the professionals.

Fall from a coconut tree. Enjoy overpriced thambili from the comfort of your hospital bed. Also, don’t look up when you see a coconut plucker climbing a coconut tree. All you’ll see is nuts.

36. Visit the homes of the first modern humans in South Asia

Archaeologists claim that the Balangoda Man is the earliest record of anatomically modern humans in South Asia, whose remains have been found in various caves around Sri Lanka such as the Fa Hien Cave and Batadombalena, where fossils of other ancient mammals such as the pre-historic Ceylon Lion were also discovered.

Certain Sri Lankan men are even more backward, they can be found in and around Colombo believing that their wives have to do everything they say.

37. Try three roads to Negombo

The old road that runs by Hamilton Canal. The A03 that is prone to traffic. And the E03 Expressway which fixes that.

Get stuck in traffic on all three.

38. Climb a sacred mountain

Adam’s Peak, or Sri Pada, has seen the likes of Fa Hien, Ibn Battuta, and Marco Polo over the course of history. Known for its sacred footprint, the mountain is significant to Buddhists, Christians, Hindus, and Muslims who, among tourists, show up in the thousands to make the ascent during the climbing season each year.

Curse the people in front who are moving too slow. Apologize to the people behind who want to overtake. Watch the little old lady blitz passed you and feel ashamed about your horrible physical condition.

39. Watch marine mammals emerge from the depths

Whale and dolphin watching is popular between November and April on the south coast, or May and October on the east coast. Among a number of spectacular species that live in Sri Lankan waters, look out for a dive by a majestic blue whale, or aquatic acrobats by spinner dolphins

Pay lots of money. See nothing. Get annoyed.

40. Find your sweet tooth

Satisfy your sweet cravings with a treat from one (or many) of Colombo’s talented home bakers.

Realize that Rs. 200 for a cupcake is nuts, especially when it doesn’t even have nuts. But get it anyway, because, you have to put a picture on instagram with the cupcake and the pretty box it came in. Decide you aren’t going to get from there agai-ohlookbrownies.

41. Climb to a temple that looks like part of a spaceship

The Sambodhi Chaithya is found on the road it is named after in Colombo 1 and features a large stupa high atop a concrete structure that could be ready for liftoff. Climb the stairs here for a fantastic view of the Colombo Harbour.

Or take the lift because the view from the top is more or less the same or better than the view up the stairs. And besides you don’t tired either. Then go inside and think to yourself, I climbed all those stairs for this. I demand more. Also, we should tell the BBS we think this temple looks like the spaceship TinTin went to space in.

42. Pick up the local lingo

Ayubowan. Vanakkam. Hello. Picking up words in Sri Lanka’s three official languages isn’t so hard. Now try the slang. Shape?

Forget lingo, Sri Lankan filth is the best in the world when pronounced right. Especially when family members are involved.

43. Spot elusive spots

The national parks in Wilpattu and Yala are hotspots for the Sri Lankan Leopard. The latter is said to be home to one of the highest concentrations of leopards in the world.

Hear there was a leopard sighting, go there to see 20 other 4WDs parked blocking the entire view. Finally, give up and settle for a photo of another bloody monkey instead.

44. Go back in time to kill time

In addition to the National Museum of Colombo, the capital also houses the Natural History Museum, the Currency Museum, Ports Museum, Postal Museum and Railway Museum among others. There’s even more museums the further out you venture.

Then step back out into the real world and almost get run over by a tuk, dodge ballistic bulath bombs from bus drivers and ignore the pervs again.

45. Play Indiana Jones at an ancient forest monastery

Ritigala and Arankale are great places to do this. No snakes or evil villains though, just adventurous treks through jungle ruins.

And hear everyone boast about that one time Indiana Jones was filmed in Sri Lanka.

46. Consider a career in proofreading

Even a century of British rule couldn’t save the innocent (and entertaining) English errors seen on printed material across Sri Lanka. Typos everywhere.

Maybe a Tuk Tuk sticker consultant?

47. Ride a wave

Learn how to surf in Weligama in the south, then take on some of the world’s best waves in Arugam Bay in the east.

Make sure to get ignored because you aren’t white. That’s another attraction in these areas.

48. Watch one of the world’s most extravagant ancient weather rituals

The Kandy Esala Perahera dates back to 3rd Century BC, where it was said to be performed as a request to the gods for rain. Today, the perahera celebrates the Sacred Tooth Relic of the Buddha in a procession of beautifully adorned elephants, Kandyan dancers, acrobats, fire-breathers, and more, attracting spectators from around the world in July and August each year.

If you can even get close enough to the Perehera to get a proper view that is. Also, lets not care about the poor elephant. I mean, we’re doing them a favour aren’t we?

49. Get to Galle on Galle Road

Before the E01, there was Galle Road — the original coastal drive down south.

Pray for your life as you watch the way the outstation buses drive on the road. Stop for a Jinadasa thalaguli (EDIT: for some reason, I meant New Monis bakery, but it came out as Jinadasa Thalaguli. Goes to show just how much of an institution Jinadasa and his eponymous thalaguli is.) while at it.

50. Eat exotic fruits most people have never heard of

Thought woodapple was exotic? Try Nelli. Jambu. Uguressa. While most tourists aren’t familiar with these fruits, some of us Sri Lankans are also unaware of their English names. Gooseberry. Rose Apple. Governor’s Plum. There’s many more.

Get a sore throat from eating too much. Then eat more.

51. Watch wild horses run free

Brought here by the Portuguese, the Neduntivu, or Delft Island, is now the only place wild horses roam in Sri Lanka.

Watch wild asses run free in and around Colombo. Mostly behind the wheel of a bus/tuk.

52. Navigate Pettah

Don’t add to the cacophony by exploring in a vehicle. Experience it firsthand by foot on the streets itself

Get jostled, pushed, annoyed, groped, lost, find bargains, lose bargains, step in dirt, take photos of that temple. Also, have you tried to drive around pettah?

53. See the sea from the mountains

Also, sea the mountains from the see. Wait. What. Nevermind. This isn’t my best effort.

54. Eat the local candy floss

Bombai Muttai. The sweet and striking pink treat on the street.

Start questioning how it’s made. See the sweat on the guy who just handed it to you. Question everything. Eat it anyway because what the hell. Don’t forget the ‘nice’ wafer.

55. Race down rapids

Get your fix of white water rafting down the Kelani River in Kitulgala. Look out for the spot where they blew up the Bridge on the River Kwai.

Wish the white water rafting went on a little longer. More leeches. Try to take cool photo. Get phone wet. Curse.

56. Go into a forbidden forest

Once reserved only for members of the royal family, the Udawattakelle Sanctuary is now open for visitors to Kandy looking to escape the usual tourist circuit on a number of nature trails through a forest in the city.

Ah yes, Udawatta Kele, See the beautiful tipitip packets and milo cartons strewn around proving that Sri Lankans just don’t understand gratitude.

57. Walk on red soil

The origins of Ussangoda’s red earth are mysterious. Some explanations attribute it to an ancient meteor, others to the mythical King Ravana.

Totally on my bucket list. I thought I once walked on red soil. Turned out to be ground bricks that the builders couldn’t be bothered disposing and just left on the road to eventually block the drains.

58. Unwrap your lunch

Lunch packets. The quintessential midday meal for working Sri Lankans. Treat yourself to an army of colourful vegetables with an egg or a choice of meat and some papadom.

Look for the piece of chicken the size of a coin. Wonder whether food was served with a teaspoon. Eat it anyway.

59. Explore the coral reefs without getting wet

Take a ride in a glass bottom boat on the south coast.

Take a ride in a glass bottom boat because the creepy local followed you for hours until you decided to say ok because you were scared.

60. Climb an ancient fortress with a palace in the sky

Constantly debated as an overlooked world wonder, Sigiriya is equal parts history and mystery, and dominates nearly every list of things to do in Sri Lanka

Get to the top. Enjoy the view. Take photos. Climb down. Take more photos. Go home. Tick off bucket list.

61. Climb an ancient monastery to see an ancient fortress

What’s better than the view from Sigiriya? A view with Sigiriya in it. Pidurangala Rock is located a few kilometres away from the ancient fortress, where a relatively quick climb through a rocky forest with religious ruins rewards visitors with a stunning view of Sigiriya at the top.

Take more photos. Filter accordingly. Post to Instagram.

62. Walk kilometres into the sea

Wade through the clear waters of Passikudah, which offers arguably the longest stretch of shallow coastline on the island.

Stop after a couple of metres and think to yourself, why am I doing this. I’m going to go closer to the shore now.

63. Survive the monsoon

Every year, the monsoon season brings about a new set of challenges for Sri Lanka. Last year, it was the catastrophic floods. But among the usual suspects are the overflowing drains, traffic, and darkness looming from the afternoon hours onwards.

Then when the drought hits, start crying for the rain. Then when the rain hits, cry for sunny weather. Repeat.

64. Get to know the sport that’s more popular than our national sport.

Play it in your garden, join a game on the streets, or watch an international match live at one of the many stadiums around Sri Lanka. Cricket is as much a part of Sri Lankan culture as is religion. Although not the national sport (that title belongs to volleyball), cricket is undoubtedly the most popular.

Wonder why the heck cricket isn’t our national sport (volleyball, really? Volleyball) then just forget about it and bemoan the days of Sanga and Mahela. Then watch the ‘96 world cup final again for good measure.

65. Stand in line for free food

Dansalas, or alms halls, are just one of the many reasons Sri Lanka is one of the most generous countries in the world. Look out for them during the Vesak season in May, and other significant Buddhist holidays throughout the year.

Stand in line for hours. Get insufficient food. Don’t care. It’s for the experience. Then stand in another line for more food. Go to Nawam Mawatha, look in shock at the crowds. Spend another hour to get to the little Island on the Beira. Once there realize there isn’t anything to do. Curse your way back along the tiny bridge.

66. Cure (nearly) every ailment

A long history of traditional medicine such as Ayurveda has given Sri Lanka a number of life hacks that have been passed down for generations.

First find a proper ayurveda doctor because the number of quackdoctors out there is amazing. End up going back to modern medicine.

67. Shake a leg, and everything else attached to you. Partners included.

When you listen to baila or papare, everyone becomes a dancer. No matter how bad you are.

Have a good laugh watching the standard drunk Sri Lankan uncle at the wedding doing dance moves that seem physically impossible. Watch him force nangis to the dance floor. See him look at you. Panic. Feign death.

68. Rip up the water

From jetskiing to wakeboarding, Bentota River is famous for watersports of all sorts. For something more extreme, head up to Kalpitiya for some kitesurfing.

Pay obscene amounts of money only for it to finish in a couple of minutes and wonder why nothing seems worthwhile anymore.

69. Get in a pickle, just to eat it

Achcharu. Be it mango, pineapple, or even olives, your hands are bound to get sticky. Don’t forget the chili powder.

Go home get a stomach ache. Suffer. Not regret a thing. Do it again the next week.

70. Attain enlightenment on three wheels

A ride in Sri Lanka’s tuk-tuks is unlike any other. It’s not only because of their uncanny ability to sneak through traffic, anger neighbouring motorists, and escape a series of unfortunate events in the process — but also because nearly every kitted-out three-wheeler on our roads boasts a series of “Tuk Wisdom” you won’t find anywhere else.

He who flies not high, falls not low. That is all. Also Jack Sparrow and Che Guevera are local deities in the underground tuk tuk community.

71. Forget the weight of the world on your shoulders

After all, Sri Lanka has the least amount of gravity on Earth!

Yeah, you’re even heavier abroad yo.

72. Survive the end of the world, three times

A trail through Horton Plains National Park takes visitors to World’s End, a 4,000-ft precipice and one of Sri Lanka’s most famous vantage points. Not far along the trail sits its sibling, Mini World’s End, while its cousin of the same name can be found in the Knuckles Mountain Range near Kandy.

Try to be a smartass and take a photo near the edge. Fall. Die. Decide not to do it again.

73. Crave snacks that the rest of the world doesn’t understand

Short eats. Nobody else calls them that. Cutlets, chicken rolls, egg triangles, fish patties ‒ there are too many to name. And each of them is subject to their own critique. Why is there not enough maaluin the maalu paan (fish bun)? What’s so Chinese about a Chinese Roll?

Enjoy copious amounts of potato and virtually no fish. Who cares, it’s the deep fried outer goodness that we all like anyways. Also, there is no answer to the Chinese roll question that isn’t racist.

74. Take a hike

Get kidnapped.

75. Ditch the supermarket for something noisier

The disorderly charm of wholesale markets across Sri Lanka makes for an exciting adventure when you discover groceries you can’t find in your everyday supermarket. Urbanised areas tend to feature larger marketplaces such as the Colpetty Market or the Peliyagoda Fish Market, but the smaller neighborhood Sunday polas are just as fascinating.

After about 10 minutes in, realize that a lot of stuff is actually cheaper in the supermarket.

76. Tune in to the oldest radio station in Asia

Radio Ceylon hit the airwaves in 1923; just three years after radio broadcasting took off in Europe. Today, the station lives on as the Sri Lanka Broadcasting Corporation.

Fall asleep after 2 minutes because dear lord, how can that broadcaster be alive and speak that slowly.

77. Eat and drink from one fruit

Thambili, or King Coconut. The elixir of our eternal summer. Best served on the street, inclusive of a measly splash of coconut water when it is cut open to drink. Once you’re done drinking, ask the thambili karaya to cut open the entire coconut. If it’s a healthy one, they will happily oblige and even make you a spoon out of the thambili’s skin to scoop up everything inside to eat.

Or go to a hotel and pay 5 times the price to get it authentic with the sides cut to make it look funny. Also, what does elixir of our eternal summer mean? I drink it all year around. And Colombo is almost always summer.

78. Follow the trail of an ancient epic.

Several locations attributed to the world-famous Ramayana can be found across Sri Lanka.

Just hope you don’t run into some of the current day Ravana followers. They cray.

79. Travel like an ’80s pop star

The English band, Duran Duran, filmed three music videos around Sri Lanka — the most famous being “Hungry Like The Wolf”, followed by “Save A Prayer” and “Lonely In Your Nightmare”. Most locations from these videos still exist today!

First google who the heck Duran Duran are. Then decide you can’t be bothered. Until one of the members dies, then do the Sri Lankan thing and cry and mourn about how he will be missed.

80. Watch the second-longest uninterrupted cricketing series in the world

Sri Lanka’s annual Big Match season sees age-old school rivalries come to life in a culture of its own across city streets and cricket pitches. However, none of these rivalries are older than the infamous Battle of The Blues or Royal-Thomian, which has been held every year since 1879. That makes it older than the Ashes and a series uninterrupted by two world wars!

If you’re lucky, get to catch a big match fight then see everyone bickering about it on social media how one team was not sporting and should have tried to win instead of wussing out and going for the draw. EVERY.SINGLE.YEAR.

81. Seafood. And eat it!

From the traditional ambul thiyal to the modern hot butter cuttlefish, seafood is one thing Sri Lanka is never short of as an island. Try some by the ocean for the complete experience.

Pay 10 times the price for Sri Lankan crabs that we technically don’t get to eat because they are export quality so even though they are Sri Lankan crabs they are not for Sri Lankans unless we agree to pay the export price whatthehellisthisshitimeanseriously

82. Drink spirits created with the help of traditional daredevils.

Toddy and coconut arrack are two of Sri Lanka’s signature spirits that are made using the native superpower of toddy tapping. This traditional exercise sees a toddy tapper scale tightropes across coconut trees nearly 50 feet above the ground to extract the sap of the coconut palm that later ferments into toddy, or is distilled into coconut arrack.

Try and buy toddy along the southern galle road. Get copped. Pay the cop off, drink toddy together.

83. Sleep under the stars

Sri Lanka’s abundance of natural beauty makes it an ideal place for camping. There are several well-known spots for camping around the island, ranging from sites within national parks, summits, lakes, and more.

Sleep under the starts. Get bitten by mosquitos. Pray you don’t get dengue.

84. Take a bath outside

The tendency on an island is to head for the ocean. How about finding a safe spot to jump into one of Sri Lanka’s many rivers? Early morning dips are highly recommended, especially if you need a chilly wake-up call!

Leeeeeeecheeeeesssssss. Slip on rocks. Hurt legs. Hope Iraj is shooting another music video close by. The usual.

85. Surround yourself with greenery

Responsible for cultivating our staple diet of rice and painting the island with every shade of green imaginable, paddy fields have long been an essential part of Sri Lankan lives. Appreciate the greenery with a walk along their narrow pathways. Most paddy fields are away from the city, but the Talangama Wetlands are easily accessible to Colombo residents.

But don’t go to Galle Face green despite the name.

86. Light up the island

Every year, the Buddhist festival of Vesak sees a number of Sri Lankan homes hang up lanterns to mark the occasion. Various organisations and communities also hold lantern competitions that result in ingenious creations of illuminated creativity

Then get power cuts because no rain and the CEB have messed up somewhere again. #NorochcholaiNeverForget

87. Visit a UNESCO World Heritage Site for every day of the week

The UNESCO lists eight World Heritage Sites in Sri Lanka that include six cultural sites and two natural sites.

But we actually don’t like what foreign bodies thing, unless those foreign bodies are wearing bikinis and on a beach somewhere. Then its beach boy time.

88. Visit a national park for nearly every day of the month

There are 26 national parks declared in Sri Lanka, each with their own combination of exotic flora and fauna. Safaris, scuba diving, camping, trekking, and more. What are you waiting for?

Money. I’m waiting for money.

89. See enough waterfalls to last a year

Yet another natural gem of Sri Lanka’s rich biodiversity. The Lanka Council of Waterfalls counts nearly 400 cascades in Sri Lanka — only some of which feature safe base ponds to bathe in, but still an astonishing number for an island of our size!

But in the end, everyone will talk about the comparatively mediocre St. Claire’s falls.

90. Spot a bird for nearly every day of the year

365 days. 237 resident species. Several others are migratory. The Kumana National Park is a haven for birdwatchers, but experts warn that many of our feathered friends are now endangered.

We have a couple of prize geese in parliament if you are interested. Also, shout out to Sri Lankan crows. They have character.

91. Talk politics

The go-to Sri Lankan conversation topic. Nearly everyone has something to say about it.

See point above regarding Tuk drivers. The true sociopolitical and economic geniuses of the country.

92. Have milk and cheese on a dairy farm

Ambewela not only has a reputation for having the highest and widest grassland in Sri Lanka, but also dairy farms with high-bred cattle and other animals such as goats, pigs, and rabbits. The Ambewela Farm allows visitors to watch the cow-milking process, pet animals, and even try some dairy products fresh from the farm itself!

God forbid you go when an entire town is visiting and the noise makes you want to throw them to the stud bulls.

93. Drink at a dodgy bar

Cheap alcohol. Relaxed dress codes. Bad lighting. Fascinating characters. Always an adventure.

Soon to become a thing. Dodgy Bars > Posh Bars.

94. Savour at a saivar kadé

For quick, tasty, and affordable food with South Indian influences.

Don’t take a peek inside the kitchen on your way out or on the way to the toilet. Trust me. Don’t.

95. Follow the rails on foot

Many of Sri Lanka’s rail tracks snake through accessible neighbourhoods and villages. It is not uncommon to find people walking along the railway, keeping a safe distance from the tracks where trains shake the ground beneath them as they pass by.

Don’t. Just Don’t.

96. Watch cars race up the hills

Since 1934, the Mahagastota Hill Climb has been the oldest motor sporting event in Sri Lanka, and arguably the oldest hill climb in South East Asia. In addition to Sri Lanka’s racing fraternity testing their engines up scenic inclines, the annual event also sees a parade of classic cars drive against the backdrop of the island’s highlands.

Wait till next week to complain about smoke polluting the pristine up country air.

97. Never lose a hairpin

Sri Lanka’s mountain roads are filled with hairpin bends, but none are as famous as the Daha Ata Wanguwa or 18-hairpin bend between Kandy and Mahiyangana.

Think you are going to die on the 7th. Throw up on the 15th. Think about how Vin Diesel would just cut across all 18 of them in Fast and The Furious 23.

98. Celebrate the new year, twice

Every April, Sri Lanka celebrates Avurudu, or Sinhala, and Tamil New Year. Among the festivities of eating and spending time with family, Avurudu also features a spirit of friendly competition with games for those who celebrate. Television stations often capture local communities participating in games such as pillow fights, climbing greased coconut trees, smashing pots while blindfolded, and even trying to eat buns with their hands tied!

Just don’t aasmi, kokis. Also, pretty sure plenty of people are smashing pot in Colombo.

99. Conquer leftover colonial forts

History has shown that Sri Lanka was prone to foreign invasions, so building grand fortifications around the island comes as no surprise.

Nothing has changed, we’re still prone to foreign invasions only now they come in suits and build grand fortifications of large offices, hotels, apartments, harbours and port cities.

100. Shine bright like a sapphire

Historic traders and explorers such as Marco Polo once claimed Sri Lanka had the best gems in the world.

Then buy a diamond because those are forever.

101. Never run out of vitamin sea

With an island comes an endless supply of sun, sea, and sand. Arguably, some of the best beaches in the world can be found on Sri Lankan coasts.

Just hope you look foreign or be prepared to be ignored.

Jayaweva!