We've talked about sex toys a few times over the years. Maybe a few too many times. So it's no surprise that we would be the first to realize that the entire sex toy industry is now completely run by aliens. This isn't exaggeration -- some of the toys we've recently seen have so little understanding of sexuality or basic anatomy that a secret alien invasion is somehow the most rational explanation for them. To prepare you for the coming war, we present ten of the most obviously alien-designed sex toys on the market today. Note: There are some pictures here which are hilariously NSFW. We've blurred the blurable, but that still might not be enough to ensure you maintain your current level of employment, so tread carefully. Advertisement

10 The Worm-Filled Dick Tube Our first example comes from the realm of male masturbation aids. Now, you may think that the limits to what men can safely put their dicks inside were discovered long ago. Thankfully, we can assure you that those limits are flagrantly ignored, if they were understood at all, by the Noodle King (NSFW): Noodle King Continue Reading Below Advertisement



Setting aside the mind-bending horror, there is admittedly a lot to like here. It looks about the right size, for one. It's basically the right color. And what guy wouldn't want to stick his penis inside something that sort of looked like a second, larger penis? Oh that's right, a lot of them. But let's get back to that mind-bending horror -- notably, the nightmare world of tiny Johnson-strangling tentacles hiding inside this King of the Long Fellows like the garden of poor unfortunate souls in Ursula's undersea lair. There's no earthly explanation for why anyone would make this thing. This is clearly the work of extraterrestrials with some pretty brazen assumptions about human anatomy and sexual needs. Noodle King Continue Reading Below Advertisement

