As engineers, why do emotions matter? We develop cool products and get excited about awesome technologies like Deep Learning, blockchain, virtual reality. When we think about SciFi, we might think about Mr. Spock -- the emotion free Vulcan who knew how not to react. For those of us who aim to be like him, calm and logical, emotion seems like the enemy. However, we are not Vulcans, and we have emotions that we often allow to control us. Emotions can control us if we allow them to stay unchecked. It's perfectly acceptable to have emotions. You can exhibit fear, anger, frustration, happiness, joy, ecstasy, and many more.





There will be times when you can't show fear. If you lead a company, you might need to be firm in times of uncertainty or failure. This doesn't mean you express anxiety to your team in private. However, a leader needs to stay calm and level headed, so they can decide on the best courses of action.









Learn to recognize and understand your feelings, so you prevent them from driving your career into the ground



Whatever you do, do not make important decisions under these circumstances. Postpone them. Reconsider taking action. Reframe your viewpoint. You always have options. It might not seem like it at the time, yet I've learned over the years that other choices existed when I thought I could only make one. For example, I tried a side hustle a couple decades ago where I would sell a third-party's product. It was a MLM that sold real, physical products. I bought samples myself, and the material seemed good to me. However, I lacked the will to sell something I had no hand in creating. Instead of dropping it, I continued pushing through because I was angry at myself for not having the will to sell these products. Instead of different ways to market these products, I could have accepted my anger as a natural sign that this line of business was not for me. I could have saved a great deal of time, money, and efforts. (This was before Social Media existed. However, that would not have helped because I would have used another channel to waste my time and money.) Perhaps I could have done something else like invest in a meaningful hobby -- like writing -- or learning a different technical skill that I could have used to create my own products. You can use a four letter word to give pause to your emotions. You can say this word in public because it's not that kind of word. Remember the acronym HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Do not make major decisions under these circumstances. You will be tempted to throw in the towel if you're in a HALT situation. Take a deep breath and wait it through. If you're hungry, eat a meal. Get sustenance for yourself. If you're angry, meditate until you calm down, or take a deep breath. You should observe the sensations on your body. How does anger affect you? You cannot control your thoughts all of the time, yet meditation and self-reflection allow you to think before you speak. If you're lonely, talk to a family member or close friend. You can have many friends and feel lonely if you do not reach out to them in your times of need. What if you have no close relatives or friends? Join a Meetup where you live and make efforts to develop new friendships. True friends willingly listen to your concerns without judging you. If you're tired, take a nap. Nap for 20 to 25 minutes, so you can feel refreshed. Self care is important, and sleep is part of that routine.Whatever you do, do not make important decisions under these circumstances. Postpone them. Reconsider taking action. Reframe your viewpoint. You always have options. It might not seem like it at the time, yet I've learned over the years that other choices existed when I thought I could only make one. For example, I tried a side hustle a couple decades ago where I would sell a third-party's product. It was a MLM that sold real, physical products. I bought samples myself, and the material seemed good to me. However, I lacked the will to sell something I had no hand in creating. Instead of dropping it, I continued pushing through because I was angry at myself for not having the will to sell these products. Instead of different ways to market these products, I could have accepted my anger as a natural sign that this line of business was not for me. I could have saved a great deal of time, money, and efforts. (This was before Social Media existed. However, that would not have helped because I would have used another channel to waste my time and money.) Perhaps I could have done something else like invest in a meaningful hobby -- like writing -- or learning a different technical skill that I could have used to create my own products.









Often, people choose to react without considering the consequences.



Would this kind of reaction be worth it? If you consider only the first order reaction, you get instant gratification. Of course, the better answer would be to consider why your manager choose to give you critical feedback. On one hand, perhaps you consistently perform poorly, and you needed a strong reprimand. In that case, you should listen to your leader because you would seize an opportunity to improve your career. On the other hand, you might have an area that needs improvement, and your manager sees that. Instead of letting it slide, she decides to point it out to you. After all, you need to improve that skill because you will need it in that promotion she has in mind for you. I have an important point: humans have emotions. A stoic can have emotions. Even Vulcans have emotions. A key difference between a stoic and others is that the stoic does not allow emotions to make their decisions. Remain calm and level headed in stressful situations. Do not say things you would later regret. Do not take actions that will haunt you. Your ability to separate emotions from actions represents a good stretch of the mind. This represents one's ability to accept emotions as they are, and one can formulate possible outcomes should they choose to act on those emotions.Often, people choose to react without considering the consequences. Ray Dalio notes that one should consider the second and third order effects. For example, suppose you get angry at your manager for giving you a poor review. The first order action would be to yell at your leader: "You treated me unfairly!" or "You have no idea what efforts I put into that project!" or "I worked really hard, and you can't respect me enough to give me credit for my work!" The first order effect might be the good feeling you get for telling you manager off. However, you didn't consider the second and third order effects: a poor performance review, and loss of a promotion that your manager was considering for you.Would this kind of reaction be worth it? If you consider only the first order reaction, you get instant gratification. Of course, the better answer would be to consider why your manager choose to give you critical feedback. On one hand, perhaps you consistently perform poorly, and you needed a strong reprimand. In that case, you should listen to your leader because you would seize an opportunity to improve your career. On the other hand, you might have an area that needs improvement, and your manager sees that. Instead of letting it slide, she decides to point it out to you. After all, you need to improve that skill because you will need it in that promotion she has in mind for you.





Of course, clashes exist between those who control their emotions and those who don't. Stay focused on thought and reason in these situations, so you do not get dragged down into emotional abyss. Listen to the argument for understanding not reaction. Allow not one's temptation to react for the sake of defense. It will waste energy and frustrate everyone involved in the discussion discussion. Personally, I do not understand the importance of allowing one's emotions to get the better of them. What do you obtain by pouting and discounting other's viewpoints? Focus on others not yourself. To do otherwise feels narcissistic to me. Each person has their own struggles. It does little to complain about your own battles.



