GEESE are inexplicably convinced that they are hard as nails, it has emerged.

Farmyard and lake-based geese confirmed their intention to smash your head in despite only weighing about a stone.

Goose Tom Booker said: ”One step closer and Ill take you down to Chinatown.

“You, me, any time, any place, lets do this.”

Geese confirmed that their favourite film is Roadhouse starring Patrick Swayze, and that although they were far smaller than other hard birds like swans and ostriches it is all muscle.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: ”When geese give it large, they aren’t messing around. Unlike swans, which are mostly just fronting, geese are aggressive, cocky, and won’t hesitate to call you out if they think they’ve been disrespected.”

“When a goose stands up straight, spreads its wings and starts hissing, it is saying: come at me, bro.”