The Wee Baby T has grown so quickly. From spitting up to sitting up, chubby rolls to rolling over. Our previously safe home has become the 100 level dungeon from Final Fantasy: Fun to explore, but fraught with danger.

Years ago for my ##th birthday (I’m old, ok?) we visited some university friends in Michigan. We phoned them up once we got to the condo. “Is it safe for our toddler?” A cursory glance around, I motion to K to pick up the scissors, which were inexplicably on the floor. “Yup, all good!”

When they arrived there was a more thorough evaluation. My friend (let’s call him Robb, for simplicity’s sake – also, that’s his name) drops to all fours and starts crawling around. “Toddler friendly, eh?” What followed was a well choreographed dance that Baryshnikov would have had difficulty mastering.

Baby Proofing is an art:

Robb threw himself into his work, wiggling table legs, poking at electric outlets, leaning on counters and opening drawers. By the end of his routine he had pointed out a dozen hazards we missed. Among the offenses were:

The bottom drawer in the kitchen had all the knives

There was a power outlet that wasn’t screwed in to the wall

A chair had a broken leg

The glass coffee table would topple if a toddler used it to stand up

Oh, and the scissors had found their way back to the floor.

“I… err… Well it seemed safe.”

He hadn’t even started measuring.

Baby Proofing is a science:

Robb’s next task was to set about the condo hip-checking anything that wasn’t nailed down (and some things that were). Like that TV? Want it to stay on the stand? Tough, the centre of gravity is WAY too high. Roll it into the other room. That bookshelf has some classics, shame it isn’t bolted to the wall. Fence it off, no one reads this weekend. Some of you may be thinking “Man, this guy is neurotic!”, but looking back he was absolutely right. The place was a death trap, even for adults.

And now it’s my turn:

This weekend I spent most of Saturday groveling on the floor, much to K’s bemusement. USB cables hanging from the computer, sharp corners on the coffee table, finger pinching points on the dogs crate. My knees were killing me and I hadn’t even gotten to the kitchen.

Fortunately I have been in touch with Sure Basics, a childproofing company. Just this week I received everything I would need to secure the kitchen and washrooms, no tools required. Sure Basics offers a one-size-fits-all solution for baby proofing cabinets and drawers, fastened with 3M (TM) adhesives. No drilling, no screws, no impossible angles, just one strap for each opening – refrigerators, ovens, and microwaves included. Easy to install, and with a bit of dexterity they aren’t too difficult to operate. They can be removed and reapplied with spare 3M adhesive pads, which is convenient when you don’t line them up square the first time and your wife asks you to try again.

Once the kitchen was done I moved on to the sliding doors. Dog food, grubby shoes, precariously stacked board games; in the baby proofing business, this is known as a red-zone. Or at least it would be if I were in the baby proofing business. Once again, Sure Basics has a clever latch for sliding doors. It’s not going to stop the hulk from getting through, but it stumped my neighbor for a good 5 minutes, so I think we’re set.

All in all baby proofing the kitchen and washroom waa a breeze thanks to Sure Basics. For additional products you can visit their website, or their Amazon store. The good people at Sure Basics are so dedicated to child safety that they want to give a set of 6 cabinet and drawer safety latches to 10 lucky Canadian readers! Want your set? Comment below with your best baby proofing tip to be entered! Don’t forget to follow Dadsense on Facebook, that’s where we will announce the winners!

Before I wrote this post I reached out to Robb. “Robb,” I said “Do you mind if I talk about our trip to Michigan in a baby proofing blog post?”

“Not at all!” he replied. “Oh baby proofing… Your first time around you go over the top. The second kid you just hope you don’t have to go to the ER. No, don’t jump on that. Ok, just don’t fall off… Well try not to land on your head. Ya know what, I’m going to another room.”

Good luck out there.

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