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Hey, you can only buy 15 of these.

And What Thou Art May Never Be Destroyed

1st place in Derby #224: In the Kitchen, with 1094 votes!

No one was prepared to see it, Chell,

That ending came so fast,

And nobody could have guessed

A catchy pop song waited

With a sweet robotic female singing

Pop songs after she had breathed her last

This franchise that just burst out of the dark

With inside jokes tied to a song

Now nerds all have this cake thing in their brain

And it’s wrecking what should now be

An unmatched design legacy

Of a game that changed its genre for all time

And soooo-

We’d like to ask that you give it a rest

And maybe we can save

Those ideas that we still need

Take that GLaDOS fanfic in your hand

And then throw it in the fire

And then leave

Of course the Portal games are very smart

But that isn’t what we’re saying now

You nerds must get this cake thing off your brains

For it’s ruining what could be

A bit of human history

Like when that guy used Sonic for a gene

I meannnnn-

We’re not telling you to not have fun

Go on, replay it

We’re just saying quit it with the song

You’ve overplayed it

And we know that you will whine and scorn

And say we’re persecutors, okay, do it, swell.

But listen, and we’ll share a little fact

Listen and we’ll share a little fact

Cake songs just don’t age so well

We only want to help you fans so you don’t lose it

We only try to steer you somewhat clear so you don’t ruin it

Because a tipping point is close to nigh

As all pop culture one day always dies

And if you’ve made the meme have its own life

Oh, if you’ve made the meme have its own life

Just like that little cube

You’ll end up fried

Please use the one minute fifty of instrumental to reflect on your regrets in relations the Companion Cube and how you don’t wish to see references to your favorite game be lost in the incinerator of time due to actions and inactions resulting from your personal decisions.

This franchise that just burst out of the dark

More than inside jokes tied to a song

But nerds all have this cake thing in their brain

And it’s wrecking what now could be

An triumphant design victory

Just please stop saying “The cake is a lie!”

But nooooooo!

We knowwwww!

You wonnnnnnnn’t!

Wear this shirt: because you missed a chance to buy this one. It’s perfectly understandable though. It was only on sale for 97 straight weeks. Anyone could have missed it.

Don’t wear this shirt: in the black forest. Especially not during hunting season! You should always wear proper orange vests so no one mistakes you for an animal.

This shirt tells the world: “Why does nobody ever make jokes about the other option? You know, the grief counseling? See? You want to talk about a lie? That’s the REAL lie in this game! And everybody just ignores it completely to talk about the cake! That’s exactly what they WANT you to do! Sheep! All of you, sheep!”

We call this color: And Somewhere Else Gordon Freeman’Slate For Work

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