Prepare upfront. If possible, prepare young children for the inevitable. Talk about how your pet is getting old or poorly: a book such as Goodbye Mog is a good, gentle way in to the subject. Older kids know, intellectually at least, that pets won’t last for ever, but still struggle to imagine losing a long-time companion. A bit of upfront discussion can be helpful for them too.

Consider the practicalities. You rarely get much notice of these things, but if you do, use the time to plan the best way to say goodbye. If you need to have your pet put down, do you want to forewarn your children or is it better to tell them afterwards? Will you need some time alone to grieve before you can comfort them? Enlist a friend or family member to help out if you think you’ll struggle.

Think about what to do about, ah, disposal. Work out your options. If burial isn’t possible, consider cremation (from about £30 for a very small pet). Don’t end up like the friend of mine who found herself roaming the streets after dark with a stiff guinea pig in a carrier bag, looking for a place to fly tip the family pet.

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Expect some big questions. For many children – the lucky ones – the demise of a pet is their first encounter with death, so prepare to get philosophical. Children may worry that if you get sick, you might die too or if a pet has had an accident, they may need reassurance about how rare that is. Think about your take on a pet afterlife, if any. Raised by an alliance of hippies and scientists, I talk vaguely about pets living on in our memories when questioned. For our rabbit they are chiefly memories of him methodically beheading every flower in the yard and assaulting the guinea pig, but at least he remains vivid.

Check it’s really dead. It sounds ridiculous, but owners are frequently wrong-footed by the uncanny phenomenon that is a hibernating hamster, the fact that fish play dead and tortoises can take hours to emerge from hibernation and appear unresponsive. Just take a minute to make absolutely certain.

Don’t be alarmed if kids react unexpectedly. It’s perfectly normal for your children to react in different ways or with differing degrees of intensity to a pet’s death. You may have spent years with a cat or dog that your child has barely started to notice, while they may be devastated to lose a gerbil whose sparkling personality has not made a lasting impression on you. I admit my son’s glee as he fetched a kitchen sieve to dispose of his dead fish unnerved me briefly, but it doesn’t mean he’s a sociopath. We hope.

Treat it with ceremony. It is important, so don’t feel embarrassed at giving this death its due and devising a family ritual. We bury our pets like Egyptian pharaohs, surrounded by the trappings of their life: favourite toys or treats, a model Leaning Tower of Pisa from our fish’s tank. One friend laid out her deceased greyhound in the sitting room for a full day surrounded by candles. Another asked family members to write condolence cards for her children when their dog died, a gesture they found hugely comforting. Whatever works for you.

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Laugh. If you haven’t got the giggles at a hamster interment, you’re doing it wrong. “Cry, because relationships with pets are real,” says Jane of the greyhound state funeral. “But laugh at the absurdity of it all.” As I agonised over a lingering, hideously sick rat recently, my friends buoyed me up with irreverent messages. “Can you flush it?” pondered one.

“No, they can tread water for three days. A pillow, lovingly wrapped around a brick?”

“I can’t believe you’re spending money on vet bills for a rat!” emailed another US-based friend. “I could have got you one from the subway. You could have called him ‘C-Train!’” It helped enormously.

A memory book can help. Children’s grief can surface later, as realisation dawns gradually. Create a scrapbook with some photographs and anecdotes about your pet – include happy memories and the funny or naughty stuff – then when your child is feeling sad, you can encourage them to look through the book and add their own drawings, thoughts or feelings.