My wife came home with four pounds of turnips the other night. “Yeahhhh, what is that?” I asked. She responded with, “A lady from work dropped them off. Says you cook them just like potatoes.” A light bulb went off and I immediately thought, “Potatoes make French fries. I will make turnip fries!” Trumpet sounds.

Since we had milanesas in the freezer I figured the turnip fries would be the perfect compliment. I grabbed a few spices, some parm, a bit of olive oil, and went to work.

WARNING: This recipe didn’t exactly turn out right.

Before you begin you’re going to need a few things. Get ’em and proceed to the good part.

A Few Things

3-4 pounds of turnips

1 tablespoon olive oil

1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon onion powder

1 teaspoon garlic salt

1 teaspoon seasoned salt

The Good Part

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). Line a baking sheet with a piece of aluminum foil and lightly grease.

2. Peel the turnips, cut them into fry-sized sticks. Place ’em into a large bowl, and toss with the vegetable oil to coat.

3. In a small bowl, combine the Parmesan cheese, paprika, onion powder, garlic salt, and seasoned salt.

4. Combine the seasoning with the turnips in the large bowl, put a lid on it, and give the bowl a good shake until the slices are evenly covered.

5. Dump the turnip fries onto the prepared baking sheet.

6. Bake for about 20 minutes (until the outside of the fries are crispy and the inside is tender) and serve.

From the Chef

These things were a disaster. I mean they were horrible. Seriously, these things never got crunchy. I tried baking them for an extra 15 minutes. Nothing. I tried bribing them. Nothing. I even tried frying a small batch in vegetable oil. That, too, was a colossal failure. To make matters worse, because I was trying to salvage the turnip fries I neglected the milanesas which ended up harder than plywood. Hands down this meal made my Top 5 worst culinary achievements. If you make these, I hope you have better luck than I did.

Cooking Deets

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time: 25 minutes

Cost: < $3

Difficulty: Easy

Taste: ★☆☆☆☆