Whether it was outright fraud or just a prank, I don't know—but I do know that eBay UK shows about as much concern for identity theft as your average sea urchin.

Approximately one month ago, I received a notice from eBay UK saying I had won an auction for 500 LED lights at a cost of US$13,000. At first I thought it was some ridiculous phishing attempt, but the e-mail referenced my name. Checking out the links included, the message had every appearance of being legitimate.

Concerned that someone had gamed eBay into thinking that my e-mail address was associated with a valid eBay bidding account, I reached out to the company's UK support team. I wanted to let them know that someone had set up an account under my name and then bid successfully on an auction, even though their e-mail address had never been confirmed (such a confirmation would have necessarily arrived in my inbox). My message was brief: “Someone set up an account on eBay, [redacted], using my e-mail address. It is not me. Please cancel that account or at least stop sending me this person's e-mail. I live in the USA, not the UK.”

The response I received was ridiculous.

I realise the importance of this matter to you. Ken, let me share that sometimes, e-mail service providers 'recycle' an e-mail address. For example, someone may have had this e-mail address before you, joined eBay, and then after a period of inactivity, your e-mail service provider allowed you to choose the same e-mail address. If this is the first time that you registered an eBay account, and the e-mail address that you entered has already been used, I suggest you enter a different e-mail address to register your account. When registering on eBay, please ensure that the e-mail address you entered is not linked to another eBay account. Lastly, please note that your e-mail address can only be used for one account at a time. This also applies to eBay User IDs. I trust this information is helpful. Please let us know if we can be of any further assistance.

This nonsensical reply clearly indicated to me that someone was having reading comprehension issues. I responded: “I have had this e-mail address exclusively since the day Gmail launched. I believe someone is trying to engage in fraud. To wit: someone bid and won a $13,000 item and now I am getting e-mails asking that I pay it. Please delete this account!”

This was the point at which things crossed from the ridiculous to the shockingly absurd. eBay UK actually had the gall to tell me that I should log into an account that I never created and ask for the forgiveness of the seller of those 500 LED lights.

“I realise the importance of this issue to you, Ken," began eBay's response. It continued:

I can see that you are new on eBay and I am more happy to help you with this. To resolve this, as this was an honest mistake, the best thing to do is contact your seller '[redacted]' through e-mail or phone to explain the matter amicably. This type of situation can be resolved through an open and honest communication between buyers and sellers... After clarifying the issue, you can ask them to open a Cancel Transaction case in the Resolution Centre for them to get their Final Value Fee credit they've incurred when you won the item. To make it easier, you can tell them the steps on how they can open a Cancel Transaction dispute in case they still don't know how. Here are the steps: 1. Go to My eBay > Resolution Centre.

2. Click 'I sold an item - I want to cancel a transaction'.

3. Follow the instructions to open the case. Opening the case triggers an e-mail for you to confirm that you've agreed to cancel the transaction. As soon as you confirm the cancellation, they can close the case and receive a credit for their Final Value Fee. This means you won't receive any negative remark on your account and the transaction will be recorded as mutually cancelled.

At this point, I was truly worked up. eBay's response was basically to make me do the dirty work to end a problem that the company should have been able to prevent in the first place. My final message to eBay UK ran:

“I fear that no one is paying attention to what I am telling you. I did not register this account. I have nothing to do with this account. I do not live in the UK. I do not use eBay. I am not going to sign in through an account I did not create in order to communicate with a seller. I had nothing to do with this transaction and I am not going to expend further effort to settle the matter. As I see it, the problem is on your end, and you need to address this.”

I received no further contact from eBay UK support, although they are happy to spam me with various enticements to bid on other items, despite having sent me a nastygram about never paying for the auction item I "won."

I have long been reticent about using services like eBay, and this experience has convinced me that the company is not only incapable of battling fraudulent behavior, it's unwilling even to make the attempt. I've heard it said that the rule on eBay is caveat emptor—buyer beware. But the caution should actually extend further than that. After all, I wasn't even a buyer.