Tuesday 30th September 2008

Forget about plastic bags and turning down the thermostat - the real cause of global warming is, as you may have heard before, cow farts (don't tell them, but I don't think it's just the cows - I might be partially responsible). Basically it seems (from my skim reading of this piece) that the profligate luxurious living of our generation is taking down the environment, and unless we all cut back on meat and milk and go back to the ways of our grandparents.Good luck persuading people about this one. Once again I can only conclude that the world is fucked. We've got used to living like medieval kings, eating meat every day and getting exotic fruits flown in, for us to let go rotten in the bowl and then throw away. I just can't see people going back on this. Not just the consumers, but is Macdonald's really going to cut back on the beef? Are you going to be happy drinking a litre of milk a week? Would you go back to rationing? No you won't. Not even to save the world. Because you've got too used to consuming stuff and then chucking it away when it breaks and you're not going to change even if the sky starts falling in (which by the way, won't happen even in the worst case scenarios).Perhaps the credit crunch will hit us so hard that we'll be sent back to Amish times and by 2009 we'll be driving around in carts and using grain towers as methods of execution. Who'd have thought that the Amish had the right idea all along. The Amish and the vegetarians. Though we'll probably have to get rid of the animals all together, which I don't think is what they actually wanted.Maybe we should just start with the flatulent men. Because my guess is it is them who are eating too much meat and rich food. So if we just take them out then the atmosphere will clear up and food will be simpler and maybe a few of the cows and sheep can live.I don't know why I am advocating this policy, because if they start killing flatulent men then I will be first against the wall. Though with a bit of luck I'll manage to blow a hole in the wall and escape before they shoot me.Nothing much happened today. I suspect you didn't need me to tell you that.