The first time I'd ever cammed, I was 18 years old. Still a kid, fresh, not exactly innocent, but definitely very naive. I was already struggling with the personal demons I carry with me today and had for many years. I was afraid, but I wanted to make money and feel better about myself. It didn't go so well.

When I was on cam back then, I never talked. I would type back to the people in my chat room, not only because I lived with my parents at the time, but because I was anxious. I didn't even want people to see my face, let alone hear my voice. This was partly because I was scared of being "outed", or found by family or friends, and partially because I didn't like myself.

I still struggle with my self-image today, but it's more manageable. Not only have I stopped being embarrassed by my depression and anxiety, but I have found a community of people that support me and I can talk to when I'm not feeling well.

Other than that, I don't know what changed between then and now. Am I more desperate for money? Am I more comfortable with my body? I'm really not sure. But the one thing I do know is that when I've been on cam lately, I've felt at home. Sure, you have to have your fair share of creeps and people that want free stuff, but I've met so many nice and genuine people that have my back and are rooting for me to succeed.

My biggest advice to new camgirls who are anxious or afraid is to be yourself. That can be hard if you're at a point in your life where you don't know who you are, but wearing what makes you comfortable and setting boundaries is a good start. Be firm with what you're willing to do, and don't be afraid to ban or mute people from your chat room. The most important person in there is you, and if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, do what you have to do to make yourself feel better.

Camming and selling photos and videos have helped me become more confident with myself for sure. My anxiety isn't cured, but it's better. My stomach is no longer in knots when I click "broadcast". It's just butterflies: light, happy, excited.

This kind of work is not for everyone, but if you tried it before and didn't have a great experience, maybe give it another shot. You never know how much your mind will open and change when you go back to something you once gave up on.

Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think in the comments.

Callie Marie