It’s funny. Only two years ago the GOP was continuing to use gay marriage as a wedge issue. We were to believe that there was a pernicious homosexual agenda at work that would undermine and destroy straight marriage – and that the GOP were the ones to stop it. Now that people are catching wise, some of the Republicans are embracing the evil of marriage equality in order to save their political lives. Opportunism, it’s what’s for dinner. I suspect more GOP people are about to turn a 180 in the exact same way (while pretending as though they’d always been disappointed in the GOP’s oppression of gay people).

But for the ideologically pure of the GOP base, the Tea Partiers, they’re not having it. Perhaps they believe god will carry them through an election with a position opposed by most of the electorate. That must be what Mike Huckabee is thinking when he says that if the GOP adopts marriage equality that the Evangelicals will form a third party.

But rest assured, it’s not because Evangelicals are against gay people. Huckabee says so.

And it’s not because there’s an anti-homosexual mood, and nobody’s homophobic that I know of, but many of us, and I consider myself included, base our standards not on the latest Washington Post poll, but on an objective standard, not a subjective standard.

Of course, equality for all citizens is objectively better for a healthy society, where oppressing them is just objectively what’s in the bible. If you’re the type that let’s the former take precedence over the latter, you’re a horrible person.

Anyway, below is my open letter to Mike Huckabee:

Mr. Huckabee, Please don’t form a third party! With the support of Evangelicals combined with the moderate Republicans (along with some obscene gerrymandering) the GOP managed to only get curb-stomped in the last election while keeping power in local governments. If you split the party, dividing the votes, anything could happen. It could mean the death of gay marriage for centuries! Clearly, what has been weighing the GOP down have been the ideologically impure. Remember when you said that god didn’t protect the Sandy Hook students because we don’t pray in schools? Well, this is kind of the same way. Most atheists like me have thought for a long time that the GOP better not ditch the moderates, whose opinions are less offensive to the opinions of voters than yours, lest god override the free will of American voters to put the Evangelicals into power. For the sake of our secular nation, please do not do this! Do anything else! Tie me down and stream Justin Bieber’s discography straight into my brain while Ray Comfort lectures me. Any fate would be less terrifying than Evangelicals splitting the Republican vote! Believe me when I say that there is nothing atheists would hate more than Evangelicals forming a third party, aside from you throwing us into that briar patch. So sincerely, JT

xoxo

Now I’m going to go curl up in Michaelyn’s closet and pray this never comes to pass. Totally.

Just had this tweeted at me:

“I will stand with evangelicals and @HuckabeeShow @GovMikeHuckabee if they do! I’m going to if this happens.”

Oh good, someone as oblivious as they are proudly contemptuous of equality. I tweeted back: