(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

I’ve always struggled with my mental health.

Until a year ago, I was always one negative thought away from going into a tailspin.

It wasn’t until I started therapy that I finally learnt to deal with my emotions – and it’s something I want to encourage other men to do too.

As a guy, knowing how to deal with emotions was always a confusing one for me.


Any spikes in emotion, you were either taught to ‘put up or shut up’, get shitfaced, or play sport to get it out your system.

So, either I went quiet, got hammered, or got overly aggressive during a friendly game of football at people I’d never met.



Didn’t feel too healthy.

I remember one instance where I’d asked my work mentor for advice and he said, ‘man up and stop being a c***’

Despite it being a joke, the sentiment resonated with me.

We tell each other to ‘man up’ because none of us have the faintest idea about how to deal with our emotions. All we’ve got is the one size fits all approach, developed from the Victorian days where silence was perceived as strength.

So we’re resigned to suffer in silence, or face the humiliation at saying we’re not ok.

Why is it we learn when Henry VII died and the difference between sedimentary and metamorphic rock, but not how to handle heartbreak, stress and negative thoughts?

I think it’s hugely important to get kids from a young age, especially boys, talking about their thoughts and feelings and not seeing them as a faux pas.

It’s not just having a school councillor. There needs to be classes where kids are taught about how to be in touch with themselves, and taught tools to deal with things like stress and grief.

That way, whole generations of men and women will become more aware of their emotions, and not have to Google ‘how to stop negative thinking’ on the 5:30 train to London Bridge at the age of 31.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

And for those out of school, I think companies and businesses can do more, with therapist sessions as mandatory as appraisals, especially in jobs with long hours or intensive periods of stress.

Grief councillors often work with family of terminal relatives before that person has died to help prepare them as much as they can for what’s ahead.

Given how unpredictable life is, would it not be sensible therefore to put a similar framework in place, so everyone is more prepared to deal with extreme stress before it happens, rather than simply a reactive measure when the damage is already done?

And with stressed workers taking 12.5 million days off last year, it’s clear something needs to change, with prevention feeling better than the cure.



My tactic, like many of my friends, was the alcohol route.

I’d successfully, or so I thought, dealt with my feelings by going and getting leathered.

However, after I stopped drinking 14 months ago I realised I hadn’t dealt with them at all, I’d just suppressed them. Worse still, they were coming thick and fast in full 1080p HD.

No longer having my anesthetic, I realised I had to get over my stigma and ‘man up’ and see a therapist.

Therapy is all about dealing with your emotions, looking them in the eye and bravely unpacking why you feel like that and what caused it.

And when you air the break-up, the thing your teacher once said to you, the time your friend stabbed you in the back, something pretty amazing happens.

You let it go. You stop carrying around this deadweight, this feeling that somehow it was all your fault. That you could’ve done something.

I felt after therapy like I’d pushed a reset button. I honestly felt a stone lighter.

It’s the best investment I’ve ever made. More than the gym (which for the sake of this article I go to), the new jacket I bought, and the haircut I get every month.

Therapy means you have a chance to really get to know who you are, and God forbid, actually like yourself. That’s a new one for me.

And that’s why I’m writing this article. To show that there’s nothing wrong with talking about this stuff.


We all have a duty to start this conversation so our dads, brothers, mates, boyfriends, feel like they can talk openly and without judgment about how they’re actually feeling, bravado aside.

Even if you don’t think you have any issues, therapy is 100% worth it.

When life does come at you, which it will, you’ll be in the best possible shape to deal with it, becoming the master of your own thoughts, not the other way round.

I’ve gone through a break-up and two close family deaths this year and thank God I had someone to talk to.

It’s meant that I can go through emotions in the right way, and best of all I can be there for my family, rather than leaving the room, going silent, and saying I’m fine.

A quote that’s always resonated with me is, ‘A smooth sea makes for an unskilled sailor’ and by dealing with your problems with a pro, the stronger and more skilled you’ll be.

So speak up and be brave my friend. There is nothing strong about being silent.

It’s ok to not be ok.

Need support? Contact The Samaritans If you, or anyone you know, is struggling, <a href=”https://www.samaritans.org/”>Samaritans</a> are here to help. They’re available 24 hours a day and offer a safe place to talk, about anything that is getting to you. Call 116 123.

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