Here’s the thing.

Transphobes will still hate trans people regardless of how nice we are.

Queerphobes will hate queer people regardless of how nice we are.

Sexists will still hate women regardless of how nice we are.

Racists will still hate people of color regardless of how nice they are.

It doesn’t matter what we say or how we say it, they will still hate. And if your “support” is totally dependent on oppressed people’s tone and attitude, than you weren’t a supporter to begin with.