Turns out that Speaker Paul Ryan, the zombie-eyed granny starver from the state of Wisconsin, is going to have to go elbows up to get to the lifeboats. There’s now a virtual stampede. From The Tampa Bay Times:

"Eight years takes its toll on you. When you feel like a stranger in your hometown, it's time to say, 'There's got to be an exit strategy at some point,' " Ross told the Tampa Bay Times, noting he planned on serving 10 years, or five terms. Ross, 58, said he wants to spend more time at home, with two sons getting married within the year. He cited the grind of travel to and from Washington and having to constantly raise money as well as bitter partisanship. "My wife and I decided this is a good time. I never wanted to do it for a career. I'm looking forward to getting back to practicing law," he said, and perhaps teach political science at the college level.

Of course, there’s the whole “civility” thing.

“We’ve got to focus on bringing civility and respect back, and as much as I would like to do it from the pulpit of the Congress, I would be tainted with having an agenda that would suit a particular group. This way I can do it in a fashion that I think reinstates the fundamentals of our democracy, that require some respect, some decorum.”

He’s going to reinstate the fundamental democratic civility in Congress by leaving Congress? No, it doesn’t make sense to me, either.

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And, much as the only Republican candidate for Ryan’s seat is nutty-buddy Paul Nehlen, the only Republican candidate at the moment for Ross’s seat is one Loretta Lax Miller and, well, boy howdy. From her campaign website:

Loretta Miller believes in the Family and Family Values, She feels the family is the core of this government and country. Pizza Gate Falafel Gate no matter what you call it Child abuse , sexual abuse, and mental abuse as well as child slavery, human trafficking will not be tolerated. We need to protect Our Children in Florida as well as all 50 states , the protectives.and the world

Winning!

Meanwhile, over at the joint presided over by former CNN contributor Erick Erickson, the host brings us the only slightly expurgated thoughts of what he says is a Republican member of Congress. This legislator is less than overjoyed at what has been wrought upon him by the current administration. Apparently, he and Erickson were cruising the frozen food aisle when the spirit came upon the congresscritter.

"I read you writing about this, about wanting to say nice things when you can and criticize when you need to. He may be an idiot, but he's still the President and leader of my party and he is capable of doing some things right," he says before conceding it's usually other people doing the right things in the President's name. "But dammit he's taking us all down with him. We are well and truly f**ked in November. Kevin [McCarthy] is already circling like a green fly circling sh*t trying to take Paul's [Ryan] job because nobody thinks he's sticking around for Nancy [Pelosi]. She's going to f**k up the cafeteria again too. [Lord's name in vain], at least I'll probably lose too and won't have to put up with that sh*t."

"It's like Forrest Gump won the presidency, but an evil, really f*cking stupid Forrest Gump. He can't help himself. He's just a f**king idiot who thinks he's winning when people are b*tching about him. He really does see the world as ratings and attention. I hate Forrest Gump. I listen to your podcast and heard you hate it too. What an overrated piece of sh*t movie. Can you believe it beat the Shawshank Redemption?"

On this, let it be said that I agree completely with both Erickson and his agitated pal from the Congress, although I also think Shawshank is Steel Magnolias for men. (I would have voted for Quiz Show that year.) However, the man from Washington was not done venting.

"Judiciary is stacked with a bunch of people who can win re-election so long as they don't piss off Trump voters in the primary. But if we get to summer and most of the primaries are over, they just might pull the trigger if the President fires Mueller. The sh*t will hit the fan if that happens and I'd vote to impeach him myself. Most of us would, I think. Hell, all the Democrats would and you only need a majority in the House. If we're going to lose because of him, we might as well impeach the motherf**ker. Take him out with us and let Mike [Pence] take over. At least then we could sleep well at night.”

I am choosing to believe this colloquy actually happened for three reasons: 1) I very much want to believe it happened; 2) I have to believe that some Republicans see the onrushing disaster this clearly; and 3) I am entertaining myself mightily with the visions of mothers in the produce section clapping their hands over the ears of their children while a member of Congress goes off like Samuel L. Jackson as Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction—another movie from that year that deserved to win the Oscar won by Gump.

We have to get our entertainment somewhere.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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