After ban on Americans adopting from the country, government faces uphill battle to find families for children in care system. The Moscow Times reports

Ulia Khashem is a firm advocate for adoption. In her day job, she works at a centre for seriously ill children and their parents, but her desire to help those in need of care doesn’t stop at the office.

A year ago, Khashem and her husband Alexander brought home four-month-old Maya from an orphanage outside Moscow.

“I have been wanting to adopt ever since I was a child,” Khashem said. “I was always very scared of orphanages, hospitals and prisons: these were the three places I imagined as hell. As a little girl I always thought, why give birth, if there are already so many children who need parents and a home?”

Since Putin banned Americans from adopting children in 2012, the government has tried to encourage local adoptions

Since Vladimir Putin banned Americans from adopting Russian children in 2012 in an apparent tit-for-tat move over a US law targeting human rights violators, the state has tried to encourage local families to take in children without parents.

Yet adoption in Russia remains relatively rare, with prospective parents fearing excessive red tape and social stigma.

In 2014, officials put the number of orphans at 106,600, amid reports that a third of children had been placed with families during the year.

But these figures are thought to be misleading: more than 5,000 adopted children were also returned to orphanages last year, and about as many infants were abandoned at birth.

With conflicting figures and stereotypes – both about the children and the process itself, couples such as Khashem and her husband are trying to dispel some of the confusion.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Ulia Khashem and her husband, Alexander, with their adopted daughter. Photograph: The Moscow Times

Challenges

The issue of adoption came into focus after the ban on Americans three years ago, when rights organisations accused the government of sacrificing children for their political agenda. The furore shed on light the weaknesses of the Russian care system, with many orphanages found to be ill-equipped and their staff often untrained to care for children, particularly those with special needs.

Last year, Human Rights Watch released a damning report on the treatment of disabled children in care. Researchers found that 30% of youngsters with special needs live in orphanages, where they are vulnerable to violence and neglect.

Many people jump into the process without having done a thorough assessment of their capabilities and strengths Ulia Khasehem

Before they are allowed to adopt, potential parents in Russia are required to be trained in the legal and psychological challenges of the process. The classes, which consist of three-hour sessions twice a week, run for approximately two months.

Khashem, who felt she was already prepared for what was to come, found that the classes helped her to look at the process in a different way. “I think it’s crucial to understand the psychological side of it. When I first joined the group, I was very frustrated that they were talking so much about that and less about the legal side, since I thought the latter was so much more important.

“Then I realised they were right. Many people jump into the process without having done a thorough assessment of their capabilities and strengths, which is why we have such a high number of children returned to the orphanages.”

According to the statistics quoted by materinsotvo.org, a blog on motherhood and adoption in Russia, 30% of the returns are caused by disappointment in a child’s behaviour, development or looks, while others realise after a time that they simply aren’t capable of keeping the child.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest A children’s care home in Irkutsk, Russia. Photograph: Gideon Mendel/Gideon Mendel/CORBIS

Health fears

Many potential parents in Russia are put off by the fear that all children in orphanages have serious medical problems.

According to Khashem, these anxieties are not unfounded. “Of course, as the lives of the biological parents are unknown, there is always a possibility of FAS [Foetal Alcohol Spectrum] disorders,” she said, but was quick to point out that most of the time, there are ways to check before the adoption process begins.

The names of the orphanages can also give an indication: Khashem’s daughter Maya, for example, was at a Psycho-Neurological Children’s Centre.

“When we first came to see her, the doctors told us she had something wrong with her eyes and wasn’t developing properly,” Khashem said. “But after talking to my friends who have successfully adopted – and from what I learned in the classes – I knew that children in institutions don’t get enough attention and maternal care. Because of that, their development can run a little behind.”

“The hardest part for me was looking for the child. You look through all these databases, call them up – but most of the time the information of the websites is so outdated that the children have already been adopted.”

Lyudmila and Ivan Moruchkov turned to adoption after the death of their first child.

“Both of us found ourselves in a black hole, with no way out,” Lyudmila Moruchkov said. “I was ready to jump out the window, and my husband had turned to the church. Then, a woman we knew who had contacts at an orphanage mentioned a boy, and we went to look at him.”

Since adopting Matvei, the couple has adopted two other children.

Lyudmila Moruchkova runs a popular Instagram account, documenting her family life.

For Lyudmila Moruchkova, “the most difficult part was the waiting after you have met the child, even though it’s just a week or two. You already have this feeling that he is yours – but you can’t yet take him home. It’s very painful.”

To speed the process up, adoptive families are allowed to take the children home before the adoption becomes finalised. Parents can apply for custody, which is relatively easy to get, and the child lives with the new family as the adoption process winds its way through the legal system.

Neither Khashem nor Moruchkova hide the fact that their children are adopted. “How you present it is how people accept it. I feel very strongly about this. That’s why I think it’s important to tell children as early as possible that they were adopted,” Moruchkova said.

Moruchkova has been open about her experience to her friends and acquaintances and has guided other families through the adoption process. She also writes about her experience as an adoptive mother on her popular Instagram account.

“I think the society is definitely moving forward. We have already come a long way from Soviet times, when all these things were hidden away,” said Khashem.

A version of this article first appeared on The Moscow Times