IS HE alive? Did someone hurt him? Is he living on the streets? Has he done something to himself?

These are just some of the questions that race through Peter Harris’s mind from the moment he wakes, until the moment he falls to sleep, every day.

Peter, 59, might never know what happened to his partner of 30 years, Paul Rushworth, who went missing from Sydney on September 13, 2013.

But not knowing only fuels his burning desire to find the answers.

Peter, who is self-employed, dedicates most of his spare time to searching for the love of his life. He is consumed by needing to know that Paul, aged 46 at the time of his disappearance, is OK.

“People can’t just vanish. He’s somewhere,” Peter said.

He has scoured the streets of Sydney on foot and by car, printed and handed out more than 60,000 missing person’s flyers around the city and northern suburbs, rallied politicians to feature the faces of missing persons more prominently throughout the city, and plastered posters featuring photos of Paul in public spaces and online.

“The first thing I do every morning is check Facebook and emails to see if there are any messages from him or any sightings,” Peter said. “I go onto his Facebook page and put out a private message to him hoping one day he might read all of the messages there.

“I go into his email account to see if he’s touched anything in there.”

Peter said his life had been reduced to a “mere existence” since Paul disappeared. “Life is not the way it used to be,” he said. “It’s nothing. I just feel nothing. I just exist as nothing. All I’m doing is existing day to day.

“My family is great and everything but Paul is in the back of my head constantly. From the time I wake up in the morning to the time I go to sleep at night, I’m talking to Paul in my head. It doesn’t stop.”

According to the Australian Federal Police Missing Persons Unit, Paul “was last seen at 5am that morning when he went for a walk. He later phoned his partner at 7.30am from Circular Quay stating he was going to catch a train to the Blue Mountains, NSW, and return later that evening. He has not been seen since”.

Peter said Paul had been anxious in the days leading up to his disappearance but it was “out of character” for him to “just vanish”.

“He wasn’t in any trouble or diagnosed with depression or anxiety or on any medication; he didn’t do any drugs,” Peter said. “I thought everything was OK when he said he wanted to go for a walk around the block.

“He told me he was going to email his little sister in England when he returned. But he never came back from that walk. We never saw him again.”

Paul left his Redfern home, in central Sydney, with his house keys, wallet and phone, which “wasn’t working properly”. The items have never been recovered. His bank accounts and phone haven’t been used either, according to Peter.

Peter said Paul was studying his second master’s degree at the time of his disappearance.

“He was doing really well but he didn’t think he was,” Peter said. “He was always really gentle and quietly spoken; there were no hassles with Paul.”

Thousands of Australians vanish without a trace each year. While many are found, a smaller number are never seen again.

It’s their loved ones, family members and friends, who are subsequently locked into a lifelong limbo, where they seek and await answers that sometimes never come.

Families and Friends of Missing Persons Unit co-ordinator Liz Davies said disappearances were particularly hard on those left behind because there were “no recognised rituals” to mark or acknowledge what had happened. “There can often be misunderstanding from those around the family,” Ms Davies said.

Peter said the question that plagued him the most was, “Is he alive?”

He said Paul was not likely to take his own life. “He had been prescribed seven sleeping pills a few weeks before because he was having trouble sleeping and he was scared to even take half a tablet,” he said.

There have been several reported sightings of Paul since he disappeared but none have been proven. For Peter, life has come to a grinding halt since the day Paul last walked out their front door. He is now simply waiting to see him walk back in.

He said birthdays, Christmases and all other special occasions in between had become “just another day”.

“You start to lose interest in it all,” he said. “People stop ringing up to say, ‘Have you heard anything? Any news?’

“I get support from people and family. But what can I say? ‘Yeah I’m OK?’ What else? I’m not going to suddenly fall into a deep hole and collapse or do something. I’ll be fine and I’ll exist and keep doing my thing by looking for Paul.”

NSW Police did not respond to questions from news.com.au regarding the case.

PAUL RUSHWORTH

Missing since: Friday, September 13, 2013

Last seen: Sydney, NSW

Year of birth: 1966

Height: 170cm

Build: Thin

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Brown

Complexion: Fair/caucasian

Gender: Male

If you or someone you know needs help, phone Lifeline on 131 114.