Posted on by correia45

This editorial was sent to me by a reader. Calling it an editorial is doing it a disservice, as it is really more of a letter to the boogieman written by a petulant man-child.

As usual whenever there is a mass shooting on the news, the ignorant come out of the woodwork to pontificate about a topic they know absolutely nothing about, setting up straw men and knocking them down, and matching wits with phantoms. This one was particularly obnoxious in its self-righteousness, but it is still fairly useful in that it demonstrates a lot of the defective logic that goes into the gun control side of things.

If you want a serious in depth discussion of pretty much every major point in the gun control debate, read this: https://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2012/12/20/an-opinion-on-gun-control/ an article which was written based upon years of experience by a legally certified subject matter expert, which went viral, was read a million times in the first few weeks after it came out, and wound up on the national news.

(I’m going to refer to that link a lot, because it beats having to type out long responses to the same tired arguments over and over again)

Or if you prefer a bunch of emotional bullshit and logical fallacies, read Dear Gun Nuts by Matt Bors instead: https://medium.com/p/7fc34ed66268 an article which was written by a cartoonist who shot a .44 once (it was loud) and which will mostly be read because I linked to it here in order to make fun of it. Or you can save time and just read my fisking of it below.

As usual the original article is in italics. My comments are in bold. If you want to see his cartoons or graphs, they’re at the link above, but I’ll warn you that they’re about as clever as the article.

Dear Gun Nuts

I’d say I qualify as a Gun Nut. My full weapons/tactics/legal resume is in the first link above.

So, a few things.

After the first time I shot a gun, I couldn’t hear anything for two days. This is because it was a .44 magnum and because I was eight and not wearing any ear protection.

Speaking as a retired firearms instructor, your father is an idiot.

It’s a huge gun—the kind Dirty Harry used—and my dad had to help me hold it as I pulled the trigger.

Dirty Harry would have slapped your dad upside the head for not giving you any ear plugs.

The next day, he had to explain to my third grade teacher why the only thing I could hear was a loud ringing.

If the explanation didn’t start out with “Because I’m an idiot— ” it was insufficient.

There are right ways and wrong ways to go about your gun-having. (And your son-having.) My dad did do a good job of teaching me about gun safety once I was able to hear him speak words again. He even went and bought ear protection.

Wow. He’s father of the year. And as we’ll see as Matt’s essay goes on, he didn’t do much to teach his kids critical thinking skills either.

Growing up around guns made me feel comfortable with them. So, gun owners, I’m not against you.

He says before he goes into an article about how gun owners evil and stupid.

For a while, the 60 percent of Americans who don’t own personal firearms had a hard time figuring out how to communicate in the jargon of gun people.

You still can’t. When you people try to speak “gun culture” you sound like a white upper class suburbanite attempting hard core gangster rap. It is just pathetic and everyone is laughing at you. You learned your jargon from MSNBC or the New York Times, sources which are about as reliable and unbiased as Anthony Weiner’s Twitter feed.

But over the course of the last few dozen national conversations after mass shootings, we’ve all become armchair experts in arsenals.

Well, armchair expert. I’m an actual expert, which is why I can say with complete certainty that everything you go on to pontificate about in this letter is either flat out wrong or hyperbolically misleading.

Was the killer using hollow points or full metal jacket rounds? Big difference.

Nominally, but I say that as a guy trained on mass shootings and wound ballistics, not as a cartoonist who pulled a couple of terms off of Google. My first link above goes into detail about ammo types.

Is there a collapsible stock on that Bushmaster AR-15?

And, pray tell, how does a stock that is adjustable a few inches for length of pull make that gun any deadlier? And Bushmaster is one brand of AR-15 manufacturer which is almost exactly the same as the gun produced by dozens of other AR-15 manufacturers. The AR-15 is the most common rifle in America. But Bushmaster sounds scarier than Stag, Smith & Wesson, Colt, DPMS, Armalite, POF, LWRC, Ruger, or many others because a Bushmaster is a type of snake… Or something…

Oh, he used Colt pistols instead of Glocks?

Wow. You were able to name two of the most famous pistols ever made? Including one brand has been around since the 1800s and another which is the most common handgun in the world? Did you just type the word pistol into a search engine? I bow before your armchair expertise.

Weird.

No. Weird would be having a mass shooting where the perp used a M1907 Roth-Steyr.

After every mass shooting—which is essentially all the time these days—

Actually, it isn’t all the time these days at all. Mass shootings are still statistical anomalies. (see my link above where I go into this in great detail) They get reported on a lot by a breathless media in the hopes of pushing a gun control agenda, when actually you are far more likely to be a victim of a regular crime, but you know that, because you’re the armchair expert.

gun rights advocates drag out the “more guns = more safer” argument.

Yep. Again, see my link above. This has been demonstrated time and time again, but why should we go with facts, reality, and crime statistics when we could get all spun up and emotional instead?

And yet: we’re still not safe!

By that logic, because people still die in car crashes, Matt wants to ban seat belts and air bags. Using the stats provided by even the staunchest anti-gun advocates, guns are used far more often to save lives than to take them. (broken record here, but the numbers are in the top link).

Despite having almost one gun for every man, woman, and child in the nation, peak safety has yet to be reached.

Interesting… His armchair expert education must have skipped the part where 12 out of every 13 mass shootings happen in Gun Free Zones, where every man, woman, and child (except for the bad guy who doesn’t care about the law or Matt’s tender feelings) is legally disarmed. It would seem that “peak safety” is certainly not found in Gun Free Zones.

Now. You’re allowed to oppose gun control on grounds that restricting the ability to purchase a gun violates your second amendment rights and will leave you up shit creek without a Smith & Wesson when it comes time to overthrow a tyrannical government.

That’s really nice of you to tell me what we’re allowed to oppose, Matt.

And I agree that many proposed gun control laws won’t do anything, especially patchwork ones put forward in response to mass shootings.

Yep. This is the smartest thing you’ve said all day.

But wait… Do you have evidence that ANY gun control laws accomplish anything? Go ahead and look, because if you can find some evidence the DoJ would love to see it, because they didn’t have any luck.

Most murders are committed with handguns and banning those is not even on the table.

Except for where handguns have been banned in America, and we’ve seen how that has actually worked out, since those places are all cesspools of violent crime and high murder rates.

Don’t forget, the mass shootings that force Matt to retire to his fainting couch are statistical anomalies. Most shootings in America are gang/drug/thug events. Last time I checked, the gun culture that Matt is addressing aren’t the ones shooting hundreds of people in beautiful gun free Chicago. The Gun Culture doesn’t tend to congregate in places where we can’t own, buy, or use guns, go figure, and the liberal dominated inner cities ran us out a long time ago with their annoying regulations. Yet, those places are still where people keep on getting murdered…

That topic gets into the whole sticky wicket of drug laws, incarceration policies, economics, culture, politics, and race baiting democrats subsidizing the self-destructive thug life, and addressing all that stuff is really HARD. On the other hand, insulting law abiding gun nuts (who aren’t named T-Bone and who won’t pop a cap in you for dissing them) is super EASY.

At least Matt is smarter than the average low information voter who thinks that “assault weapons” kill zillions, and thus need to be heavily regulated, when according to the FBI only 367 of our 12,664 murders in 2011 were committed with any rifle, which means you’re more likely to die of autoerotic asphyxiation than to get murdered with an “assault weapon”.

Some dudes wrote the Second Amendment on piece of paper a while ago and we all have to live with the result of that.

There are a couple hundred other utopias that you can move to where you don’t have to put up with that dastardly “piece of paper”. Meanwhile, most of us are rather fond of our founding documents which put limitations on the ability of our government to infringe upon our rights and liberties.

But you know what we can do in lieu of new laws?

Oh, please do share. I’m giddy with anticipation.

Change our culture so fewer people die every year.

You should share this wondrous message in beautiful gun free Chicago or Washington DC. That should knock out most of our deaths right quick. Give T-Bone a call. I’m sure he won’t curb stomp your face in or anything.

Gun people, we need to talk about your behavior a bit.

Because obviously, 90,000,000 American gun owners haven’t done anything wrong, so it is time to get all preachy at them. Americans love that shit.

First of all, can you stop saying video games cause violence? They don’t. Countries where people play way more video games than we do have lower rates of gun deaths. The thing about violent video games is they don’t feature characters going around killing people with video games. They use guns. Or Hadoukens or Babalities or stuff.

This is a straw man. Most gun owners don’t bring up video games after a mass shooting. The NRA president brought it up during a press conference last December and it turned into a joke because newsflash, gun owners play video games too.

In fact the only thing I saw mentioning violent video games in connection to this latest mass shooter was an interview with one of his friends, who said that the guy seemed really normal, though he did enjoy violent video games. However, this is the same interview which revealed the bad guy was also a self-proclaimed liberal and big Obama supporter. So, obviously a huge member of the gun culture there!

On that note, if you want to do something really super uncomfortable, go through all the mass shooters you can find and see where they self-identified on the political spectrum… I did this back after the media was swooning in the hopes that Gabby Giffords had been shot by the Tea Party. You’ll find that far more of them would be a lot more comfortable occupying Wall Street than hanging out at the SHOT Show.

Hey, it’s time for a chart break!

Yes. There is a chart. Because obviously the only possible comparable data point between the crime rate of the giant, ethnically, socially, and economically diverse US with the tiny, relatively homogenous Netherlands, is that we both really dig Call of Duty.

A more interesting chart would be how many of these mass shootings took place in legally mandated Gun Free Zones. I’ll save you some time. Draw a capitol L.

Now on to my second point: guns kill people.

Oh, and what a stunning point it is!

They are not made for pressing sandwiches or sopping up grape juice spills in the kitchen.

No shit? I’ve totally been making sandwiches wrong.

Guns are specifically designed to propel bullets through a person’s body at a velocity sufficient to kill them.

Which is odd, because when Matt was out getting permanent hearing damage from his father, he never specified that they were actually shooting people.

Saying “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” is not an argument for more people having guns. You just said, sir, that people kill people. Guns are inanimate objects full of deadly potential. How do we help them realize their destiny to be peaceful, non-lethal objects and keep them away from people?

That is some convoluted shit right there.

Here, let me help you out armchair expert. Yes, we are fully cognizant that guns are dangerous and can poke high velocity holes into people. That is sort of the idea behind having a firearm as a tool. Guns are extremely effective at what they were designed to do, which is why when you really need one (like say for example, a bad person is really intent upon causing you grievous bodily harm) you really want to have a gun.

You pick the right tool for the job. If the job is to protect myself from a perpetrator with the ability and opportunity to cause serious bodily harm, acting as an imminent threat to myself or a third person, I’m not going to reach for a sandwich maker.

Lastly: You’re carrying around an assault rifle in public because…?

Because nothing makes a real American want to do something more than having a nosy busybody tell them that that can’t. The handful of Gun Culture guys walking around with a slung rifle at a political rally are the equivalent of the feather boa and black electrical tape clad dancing dudes at a gay pride parade. Both of them are saying “We’re here. Deal with it, bitch.”

I know you are not out on a killing spree, just a nice stroll, but it’s… sort of hard to tell?

Sure, I suppose if you go through life as a gutless pussy, then it would be hard to tell. For most of us we can see the person open carrying and ascertain by their activities if they

are up to no good or not. Odds are they are completely normal. If they intend to do evil and they start shooting the place up, then you can hide under something and pray to God that somebody from the Gun Culture shows up in time to save your pathetic ass.

And when I say the Gun Culture has to come save you, I mean the responders too. Once again, read the other link. The cops that can actually shoot well? The cops that end up as the firearms instructors? Guess where they fall? Yep. Gun Culture. I spent a decade working with that crowd. I can count the number of gun grabbing statists on one hand.

Shootings that are stopped by regular folks have a much lower body count than shootings that are stopped by cops. That’s simply a matter of response time. (the big article goes into the psychology of mass shooters and how their fantasy bubble is popped) Either way, the best thing to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. People like me just like to cut out the middle man and get faster service. That’s the difference between my culture and yours, Matt. We take responsibility for ourselves.

Insisting on carrying your gun in public is like asserting your free speech rights by screaming at everyone you see.

Here, let me help you out, Matt. As somebody who taught CCW classes and certified over 3,000 people to carry firearms, I’m not a proponent of open carry for purely tactical target selection reasons. However, I do understand why some people choose to open carry. It is a giant “Fuck you” to people like you, and that I can applaud.

No one is saying that isn’t “legal,” but we’re not looking at you like you’re Rosa Parks. More like a total douche.

I’m sure you know that feeling well, but luckily we live in America where you can’t simply ban people from an activity because it makes you squeamish.

The fact that you are intentionally drawing police attention smacks of crazy privilege. The Black Panthers used to carry arms in public—usually didn’t end well for them. I’m a white guy who is not homeless and thus have a low risk of incurring police brutality, and even I know better than to involve police unless it’s utterly necessary.

Trust me. It’s mutual. The cops don’t want to deal with whiney, pathetic cowards like you either.

Boo friggin’ hoo. It was hard to read that paragraph through the salty tears of sadness. I’m sorry that people carrying firearms openly in public offends your delicate sense of white privilege.

Interestingly enough, that famous photo of the gun rights activist carrying the AR slung on his back at a Tea Party rally? You’ll note that the media always crops his head from the shot and focuses on the gun. Because he’s black. And that doesn’t fit their predetermined narrative.

Firearm technology is one of those things that really could have stayed frozen in time two hundred years ago and we’d all be doing fine right now, really.

I thought you assholes were all about Progress?

There would still have been plenty of opportunity to get our war on and defend our homes with single shot muskets you had to arduously reload by hand. The playing field would be even for criminals, do-gooders, and armies alike.

And a magic leprechaun might fly out of the sky on a unicorn and fart rainbows of world peace… However, your hypothetical bullshit goes right out the window as soon as you realize we don’t live in that world. We live in the real world, where technology advances, and things change.

We could still “get our war on” with single shot weapons, until we got invaded by a country that wasn’t stupid. Or in the words of the great philosopher Jack Handey, “I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they’d never expect it.”

Plus, it wouldn’t be fair if we were still in the days of single shot firearms, which is why criminals in those days usually worked in gangs. But you already know about the history and evolution of gun fighting, with all that armchair expert MSNBC watching you did.

And by the way, repeating firearms had already been invented at the time the Bill of Rights was written, not to mention several of the founders were inventors, warriors, and gun nuts, so none of this would have surprised them. They’d also look at your cartoons and high five each other that their 1st Amendment still protects even the lamest forms of free speech.

Instead, now guns are a multi-billion dollar industry and the only way to keep making money is to foster a climate of fear that drives people to purchase all sorts of tactical, military-style weapons no one could possibly need.

What a bunch of crap. This whole super evil arms industry bullshit keeps popping up as a meme. Having worked in the gun industry, they don’t have the marketing budget to “foster a climate of fear”. Gun nuts buy stuff that they think is useful, fun, or awesome. The only climate of fear part comes in when liberal politicians float new gun control proposals, backed up by ass kissing statists like Matt, and Joe Public runs out to buy stockpile guns before it is too late. There is a reason my gun shop had a picture of Obama up on the wall labeled “Salesman of the Year.”

One of the most powerful lobbying groups in America is the National Rifle Association and their name is apt: The NRA is an association representing rifles (and other guns), not you.

The NRA is a mushy lobbying organization that individuals in the Gun Culture donate money too. The main reason I’m a member is because they make a decent shield and they enrage people like Matt. If the NRA was half as badass as the media makes it out to be, I’d be far more proud to be a member.

They’re playing you.

Thank you, Concern Troll! I keep forgetting that all liberals see the world in shades of victimhood, so if you choose to belong to the NRA because you believe in your right to keep and bear arms, then the only possible explanation is because you’ve been bamboozled by the awesome marketing powers of the evil gun industry!

The paranoia they’re pushing is designed to get you to put more of your money in their pockets.

Seriously, I laugh my ass off at this. They wouldn’t know the gun industry if it bit them in the ass. The ultra-monolithic industry exists only in the minds of the Piers Morgans of the world.

The men and women who make up the Gun Culture are the most independently minded folks you’ll find, which is why the statist ass kissers hate them so much. You know the biggest reason most of us who already have lots of guns continue to buy more? Simply because we enjoy pissing people like Matt off.

You probably don’t need to have so many weapons for self-defense. You can only really use one at a time.

Yet… if you can only use one at a time, why are you so dead set on not letting people have more? Why is there this bizarre fixation in the media whenever somebody gets arrested and they freak out about his “arsenal” (which usually consists of fewer guns than my children have) when the perp can only use one at a time?

Shouldn’t an armchair expert know that there are different types of tools for different types of jobs? And I can have various size concealed carry pistols for different modes of dress? And I can have different type guns for home defense? And I can have them in multiple locations so that I can reach them in case of emergency? (and I have an extremely large house!). And what about my wife and children? Shouldn’t they be allowed to have whatever tool fits them best as well?

Oh, but wait. It doesn’t have to make sense! This is about control and emotions! My bad. You say you’re okay with people having guns for recreation, hunting, and home defense, but that’s all a lie. You know it, and we know it.

And guns are sturdy products. They aren’t falling apart all over the place. Get rid of some of yours and go buy yourself a nice pair of boots. You’ll look great!

I have a nice pair of size 15 Danners. And I just applied one of those boots to your ass.

Chart Break Number Two: The Dead People Meter

And here is a totally out of context apples versus oranges chart supposedly showing that more people have been “killed in domestic gun incidents since 1960” (looks like almost 1.4 million) vs. “Americans killed in all wars ever” (looks like about 1.1 million). Even if that was true, all it means is that Americans are super good at making war.

But wait… That would mean that an average of 26,000 people would have to die of gunshot wounds in the US every year, except during most of my adult life that number has been in the teens. Not to mention that I remembered that the US Civil alone was 625,000, so a cursory Wiki search gives us 1,321,612 American deaths in war. So then pulling up the crime stats, the only time our murders have gotten anywhere near that 26k was in the low 20s for a few years in the early 90s, and every other year was far lower. (and despite what the gun grabbers have been saying, has been DECLINING as more states have allowed concealed carry).

Faulty stats in a gun control essay? This is my shocked face. But it is from PolitiFact! Which all liberals insist is totally true because it has Fact in its name!

If you take the positions of the NRA and add them up, you can see how the world would look if the gun lobby got everything it wants: Every American would have easy access to assault weapons,

First off, “assault weapon” is a made up propaganda term. See the very first link where I delve into the legal terminology in great depth. Second, other than a handful of states with democrat dominated legislatures, most of the US can have access to the scary black rifle type of gun Matt is thinking of, and we’ve got no problem with it.

And the gun that makes Matt wet the bed the moistest? The AR-15. Which is also the BEST SELLING rifle in the country. So this dreadful position has already been achieved. NOOOOOOOoooo!

gun dealers would not be required to check the criminal record and mental health history of someone before selling them a gun,

Background checks have proven useless for stopping crime, and I’ve gone into that topic in great deal elsewhere, but hold on one second… My straw man detector is tingling… What is the NRA’s stance on guns for the mentally ill? Oh, wait a sec. That’s right. Almost all of our mass shootings have been by people who are mentally ill, and the system has dropped the ball so they wouldn’t show up on a background check anyway… But moving along our checklist of NRA sponsored evils.

the capacity of gun magazines could be near-infinite,

Except for that whole pesky physics thing, Captain Hyperbole… But if anybody wants actual facts, read the first linked article where I delve into the tactics of magazine capacity, and how more rounds on hand is good not because you can shoot more, but because you are forced to manipulate less.

and it would be illegal for a city to stop people from carrying guns in public.

Because once again, Gun Free Zones are simply hunting preserves of the innocent. Criminals know this. When will you dumb shits get it through your thick skulls that bad people aren’t scared of your signs, and if they’re about to commit a couple hundred felonies including murder, they really don’t care about the additional misdemeanor gun charge.

This would be a country where you could literally buy an AR-15 at Walmart,

Hey, dumbass, I can walk into Walmart right now and buy a detachable magazine fed semi-automatic rifle. So you already live in that country. You feel that, Matt? That’s freedom. Soak it up.

immediately put on full tactical gear worn by SWAT teams,

And again, I’ve got a full set of Level 4 body armor and ballistic plates. Welcome to America. A country that you live in (I’m assuming).

I have SWAT armor, because I used to sell body armor to police departments, and I once had a big fellow cancel his order, and there aren’t many other 6’5” customers with a 56 inch chest, so I kept it. I love dealer cost. Most states have no law whatsoever against regular people having ballistic vests. When I taught basic pistol classes I would often wear a Level 2 concealable under my shirt just in case I ended up with an unsafe doofus like Matt’s dad at the range.

and stroll into a school for your parent-teacher conference with another fully armed adult. Practical!

This one already exists too. In my home state, concealed carry permits allow for carrying a firearm into a school. I carry a gun to parent teacher conferences, and since my kids’ teachers care about actually protecting their charges from crazy people, I can compliment her on her choice of concealed sidearm.

Yes, Matt. We have guns in schools in my state. MIND BLOWN. I’ve also gone before state legislatures and onto national news programs and talked about how and why volunteer school staff who are trained and equipped with concealed handguns are an excellent deterrent against school shootings. All it takes is a few tweaks to state law and you can have a cheap and effective speed bump against school shootings, tomorrow. And in my other article I go into exactly how this works safely, logistically, legally, and especially tactically as it directly effects the target selection and psychological response of the bad guy.

But oh no… We can’t have that. Screw effectiveness. Forget things that actually work! Because armed people make a gutless man-child like you feel icky inside. So why don’t you spew more nonsense about how nice it would be if you could magically reverse centuries of technology and human nature and other impossibilities, all why continuing to insult the character of the very people who you count on to protect you?

Shoot. All those scary things about this hypothetical NRA country, and you already live here! Tag a hit off your asthma inhaler and calm down. It is going to be okay, Matt.

You think I’m anti-gun. I’m not.

You don’t want people to have too many, and you don’t want anybody to have any that you find scary, and you don’t want people to have too big of magazines, and you don’t want them to actually take them anywhere where they might need them, and you want them kept in safes, and you don’t ever want to see them… Yeah… You’re totally not anti-gun.

I think of guns like I do cars. Go ahead and own one. Waste your money on something fancy!

You know, the last time I pulled a gun on somebody in order to save an innocent man’s life, I came away feeling that was money well spent. Go figure. Ever since my wife pulled a pistol on a would be rapist, she’s never complained about all the money we’ve spent on guns.

On the topic of cars, since Matt is bloviating about deadly assault rifles, which are basically normal rifles that look scary, he probably thinks if you put a spoiler on a Honda Civic it transforms it into a high performance race car.

But the scenarios you are preparing for aren’t going to happen.

Says the dude writing an essay in the wake of a mass shooting…

Yeah, crazy scenarios totally never happen, until they do. I also have a fire extinguisher handy because it is the best tool for that job, even though my car is never going to catch on fire, except for that one time it did.

You aren’t going to save the day by shooting a terrorist in the grocery store.

Reductio ad absurdium. Sure, you probably won’t have a terrorist in the grocery store, but right down the road from here, we recently had a mad man slashing people with a knife at the neighborhood Smith’s grocery until he ran into a permit holder with a gun.

Remember, the big flashy mass shooting events are statistical anomalies that dominate the news, which armchair experts like Matt like to glom onto, as they go on to pick and choose what local crime events count.

We need fewer guns so fewer people shoot their feet off, kill their girlfriends, kill themselves, and go on shooting sprees.

You know who is really super good at teaching gun safety? The NRA… Yes, that same super evil corporate mega-conspiracy of Dick Cheneyian Illuminati Bilderbergers swindling the easily bamboozled working man, is also the single best resource for teaching gun safety. In fact, that’s mostly what they do. (they certainly would have taught your father about the importance of hearing protection).

As for fewer guns, now we’ve wandered back into happy rainbow unicorn land, where you can magically wish evil scary bad guns out of existence. We can see how well this has worked out in the various gun free paradises of the world. If you are going to use magic solutions, why don’t you just skip the part where you annoy the shit out of us, and just make all the bad people quit being bad instead?

You can have guns for hunting.

That’s mighty white of you, Matt. But let’s be honest, those scare you too. And since the only difference between a “gun for hunting” and an “ultra deadly assault rifle” is a few cosmetic features (and the fact that the hunting rifles is usually MORE powerful), we all know that you assholes will be along to regulate those as well.

And before you tell us the obligatory Nobody Wants To Take Your Guns! Here is a handy compilation of some of the many people on your side, who do in fact, want to confiscate our guns. http://coldservings.livejournal.com/51731.html

You can have them to ward off Mexican drug lords or whoever is going to storm into your house.

Wow. Terrorists at the grocery store and Los Zetas at your house? I’m glad I don’t live in Matt’s neighborhood. Of course, since he’s an armchair expert Matt is surely aware that most criminal encounters will be against run of the mill rapists, muggers, and violent assholes who just enjoy hurting people. If you carry a gun because of those regular and understandable threats then that doesn’t sound unreasonable, but people like Matt work in a world of magic and emotional exaggeration, which is why those dipshits need to spin it to sound like we’re expecting Die Hard.

Keep them there, in a locked safe.

Because when you need a gun, you need it right fucking now….

And if we by chance ever need a well-regulated militia for a revolution or zombie apocalypse, by god, we’re going to be really happy you were born with a micro-penis.

Yes, my penis has proven completely incapable of accurately launching a 230 grain lead projectile at 850 feet per second, and is thus totally inadequate for self-defense use, so I carry a .45 to compensate. Thank you for your concern.

Nothing shows you mean serious business like closing a political argument by talking about your opponent’s dick. Quick question though, all of those hundreds of female students that I certified to carry concealed weapons, were they compensating for their tiny vaginas?

I’ve always been confused by that, but since Matt brought in the pop psychology, here is our word of the day: Hoplophobia. Meaning the irrational aversion to weapons. And to use it in a sentence: “Some may say that Matt suffers from Hoplophobia, but I think it is more likely he is simply too immature to accept responsibility for his own safety, and so projects his weakness, cowardice, and feelings of inadequacy onto others… Or he might just be a moron. Flip a coin.”

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