Those of you who don’t know me personally or don’t know me well (and if you’re in that group, thanks for reading a stranger’s ramblings!) might not know that I was born deaf. Well, half deaf, really. I wear hearing aids – I have since I was two – and with them in, I can hear pretty well. Not perfectly, but well enough to function like any “normal” person (I don’t really think I’m all that abnormal, just a little different. Normal is just the easiest way to put it). However, there are a few things that are just part of my life that I realize most people probably never think of. I figured I might as well educate you on this subject. Besides, they say to write about what you know, and even though I didn’t hear them the first couple times, being half deaf is something I know a lot about.

I can’t whisper. I mean, in theory, I could lower my voice enough to whisper, but I would be unable to hear myself, and I would have no idea if the other person could hear me, or if I’m even making any sound at all. So then I’d raise my voice, but if I’m trying to talk to someone right next to me, everyone else in the general area will also be able to hear me, cause you normal people have freaking superpowered ears. Honestly… I have no idea how normal people hear. Not only can I not whisper, I can’t hear whispers. I’ve had people whisper things to me for a few minutes before I even noticed they were talking to me. Apparently most people can hear conversations from a different room. That kind of blows my mind, because I often have trouble hearing things said in the same room as me, much less a different room entirely. And I know there are high and low sounds that most people can hear, but I can’t. Sometimes I’ve even made sounds that I was unable to hear. At least I think so. Either that or my family was just mocking me. Again. Speaking of which, if you move your mouth but don’t say anything, trying to trick me into thinking my hearing aids are off, it’s not going to work. Well, unless you do it immediately after I wake up and I’m still a zombie, but I don’t wear my hearing aids to bed anyways. Also, how did you get into my house? But really, it’s a dumb trick, because all I have to do to prove you wrong is clap or knock on something. I think it would be really hard to get to sleep if I had normal hearing. As it is, I take off my hearing aids and lie with my good ear pressed against the pillow, so I can’t hear anything. Like, at all. Smoke alarms have gone off without me noticing (which probably isn’t safe, really). My alarm clock vibrates my bed just to wake me up. It gives me weird dreams sometimes, like driving on a bumpy road or reeling in a huge marlin. Mostly earthquakes though. People find my deafness hilarious. Honestly, it’s the easiest laugh ever. If I’m confused about something, just go “Oh. Didn’t hear you.” with the right tone and facial expression, and they’ll just laugh and explain again. Or if I make a mistake, blame it on being deaf. Tripped and fell? Deaf. Said something that made no sense? Deaf. Read something wrong? Deaf. I don’t get it. Nobody makes fun at someone with glasses, but everyone laughs at the deaf kid. (I’m kidding. No bitterness. None at all. Seriously, none.)

So, that’s five things that you may or may not have known about me and my bionic ears. If you like this, I’m sure I can come up with plenty more interesting things that deafness has taught me. Leave a comment. Let me know what you think! But make sure you type in all capitals so I can hear.