I need to I guess just vent but more than that.

I am struggling, emotionally, mentally… I feel like I have fallen down in a hole of darkness. I still see light but the things I once enjoyed just aren’t as bright.

I wanted to put up Christmas decorations but we don’t currently have a tree. No big deal because I also feel like I don’t want it up or anything at all.

I run from it like I run from the mirror. I miss my momma and I am hurting so much. I don’t know how to grieve. I feel like I don’t have time to grieve her loss. On the other hand, if I don’t grieve her then she is “still with us”.

I know this probably isn’t healthy. I feel like I have lost such a big part of my world that I … well… just don’t want to live life.

I feel like I have lost my daughter along the way. She took a turn that my momma tried to get her not to make. She hadn’t even gone back to college since she’s been back home from military boot camp and training.

I realize she is young, she just turned 23. My momma tried so hard to get to finish her goals. She is I guess into that “fast life” and sees things so differently.

Who she is right now just isn’t her. My momma tried to get her to see that too.

When she came and got Dusty she didn’t bring him back for Thanksgiving. Nor did she come for Thanksgiving.

I am so lost. I want and need to talk to my momma. 😥

❤❤