“Shut the hell up! I need to think!” A shout rang out from a man standing in a bank. He wore jeans, a shirt, and a simple jacket, but on his face was a black ski mask, as the other four men with him had too. He paced back and forth, tapping the pistol in his hand against his forehead methodically; with each step he took the blood underneath his feet sloshed around. The unsightly pool traced back to an elderly man lying face down on the floor.

“Nonononono… It wasn’t supposed to go like this! We were supposed to get in, get out!” He sighed, taking in a deep breath. “Okay, get that damn vault door open now. We still have time. The cops shouldn’t be here for another five minutes. Go, now!” He commanded his subordinates, who promptly rushed to the bank vault at the back of the building.

“Please! Just let us go!” “I have a family!” “I haven’t seen the new Trick and Borty episode yet!” Begs and cries were fired off from the hostages sitting in the corner, person after person, each with a fear of losing something or someone.

In the middle of the hostages, one girl’s angelic wails reverberated throughout all of Discordia’s continents, countries, cities, mountains, and pocket dimensions. Her porcelain, perfect skin, stained by tears as valuable as diamonds themselves. Even though she was a simple human with simple aspirations, it was as if her cries were altering the very reality of those around her; so that she was their one and only reason for living.

But not even beauty as hers could overturn the hearts of true evil. One of the gunmen, armed with a Quantum Hyperspatial Dimension-Folding Revolver, stepped in front of the blonde-haired beauty. “Quiet! Mouth shut, unless you want to join the old bastard over there.” He snarled like the unmannered beast he was, aiming the gun between her eyes. Of course, she only began to cry louder, her gem-like tears trickling onto the floor drop after drop.

Bang. The sound rang like a death toll, the thin bullet folding space and breaking time, traveling infinitely beyond the speed of light (though still far below the speed of Dark). The girl was a mere human, she could only move at a snail-like Mach 100,000,000,000.

Then the crying stopped. But she hadn’t been hit. She still sat breathing heavily with tears in her eyes, her hands feeling around to make sure she was still alive.

“What the hell?! What did you just do? When that bullet hit you you should have stopped existing, not still be sitting here!” The confused criminal lunged out his hand to try and grab her- before she suddenly disappeared, only to reappear on the other side of the room.

“Oh? Sorry, that was me.” A voice came from the same end of the bank as the girl. With immense reluctance, the hostages and the gunmen pried their eyes away from the crying angel to look at this new arrival.

Standing there was a man in white and gold full-body armor. His costume sleek and streamlined, it had tracers of advanced quantum nanotechnology integrated within, giving the A E S T H E T I C of a technological deity.

“Looking… for this?” In his hand he held up the thin bullet that was intended for the girl. “If you think I’m going to let this fallen divinity, this untouched treasure, this walking holy land, this transcendent beauty have her life taken away by heartless, cold blooded miscreants as the like of you, well… you have another thing coming,” spoke this new man, his eyes filled with determinatio. But the grin present on his face was proof that he was enjoying himself.

“That outfit… that way of speaking… that incredible speed… It’s The Golden Whiz!” One of the hostages exclaimed, the lost hope returning to their voice. A collective cheer erupted from everyone, before being cut off by a bullet being fired off into the air.

“Shut up! All of you! Some clown in a fancy suit won’t change anything! Get’em, boys!” The leader of the robbers ordered. Aiming their weapons, each a variety of a Hyperspatial Dimension-Folding gun, they pulled the triggers.

Everyone had expected bullets to fly through the air, but instead each of the weapons broke down into bits and pieces.

“H-Huh?! How the hell did you–?!”

“How did I do that so fast?” Interrupted The Golden Whiz. “Well you see, all of you are simple humans. Slow humans. Not a single one of you could ever hope to understand the immeasurable brilliance that is my very existence. For millennia to come- no, for as long as our reality continues, the name of The Golden Whiz will be forever remembered.” He proclaimed in a kingly tone, declaring it as if a fact. “Simply put, taking apart those toys was a task I could do as an infant. The Hyperspatial Dimension-Folding line only require knowledge of Metaphysics, Pataphysics, Cataphysics, and Doggophysics. Not that I need any of that, even though I have it. Because simple realms such as Hyperspace and Dimensions have no hope of catching up to me any longer.”

Clicking his tongue, one of the gunless gunmen pulled out a Quasar Knife from his back pocket – the weapon that was banned in all respectable multiverses because several galaxies needed to be used to craft the blade. While the self proclaimed ‘genius’ had been monologuing, the knife-wielding criminal sprinted forward at a speed exceeding that of light.

Or so he had thought; halfway through his sprint, he found himself in nothing but his underwear, with his pants used to tie up his hands and feet and his shirt used to stuff his mouth.

“Really? Running, at the man who had just dismantled all of your guns before your synapses could fire? Golly, that’s a whole new breed of stupid I hadn’t even thought possible to exist.” He laughed, a smug smile painted across his lips. The statement made even more ironic given that he produces tredcillions of thoughts every infinitesimal moment, each one more brilliant and revolutionary than the last. The hero turned to look at the girl who had rescued and spoke, “Don’t worry, I’ll have wrapped up in a jiffy. Then you and me can get out of here.” He winked, causing a heart stopping blush to flutter across her face.

He disappeared from sight, only to reappear behind two of the gunmen. The first, the one who had killed the elderly man, was grabbed by the throat and lifted into the air. The Golden Whiz’s hand started rapidly vibrating, with white lightning crackling around him, before he let go. Yet surprisingly, the man remained suspended in the air. The Golden Whiz stuck his tongue out childishly, but in that same infinitesimal moment he gained a more serious expression, turning to look at the other of the two gunmen. The one who had attempted to kill the beauty.

“For your crimes, not just upon these people, but upon the very totality of our existence, you shall be punished accordingly. You tried to steal us of perfection in a human form – No, she goes even beyond simple perfection. Perfection strives to be like her. Yet still, you had wanted to take her life. You cannot be left to go alive.” He pointed his middle and index finger towards the criminal. “Begone from my sight, and my reality.” With those words, the man started disintegrating into golden dust. His form was not annihilated into quanta, but into something further; of even less existence.

“A-Agh! Dammit dammit dammit!” Shouted the leader, fear and panic present in his eyes. “What did you do to my men?!”

“Well, the one floating in the air like a statue got off easy. All I did was steal away his motion from him. He’s now frozen; locked away outside of time and space until I decide to unfreeze him. He can’t feel, think, speak. All of his basic senses are gone. I stole his speed – not that it really matters to someone as slow as him – and thus it is now mine. But your other friend? He wasn’t so lucky. I altered his Personal History. I can control every event in his life down to a sub-quantum level and up the level of the infinite multiverse. The moment his parents met had never happened, and thus he never even existed. I could have been far more ruthless if I wanted.” He scoffed. “This is what your punishment shall be, for the crimes caused against my noble planet of Discordia and all of its inhabitants!” He exclaimed, beginning to walk towards the leader. “Now, do you want to end up like them, or just come with me and get locked up? You can get off easy like that. Maybe life in jail if you’re lucky.”

His eyes widened, his heart beating rapidly in a rhythmic manner. “No… No! I’m not going with you! I refuse! If I’m going out… I’m taking every last one of you with me!” He shouted with broken insanity. Out of pocket, he pulled out a small black circular object. The Golden Whiz did what nobody else could; he instantly recognized it. And before even he could do a thing, the red button was pressed.

In an instant, an implosion occurred, sucking the leader down to all of his atoms. The hostages also started to feel the pull; or they would if they could react fast enough.

A Cataphysic Cosmic Event Vertical Horizon Bomb: a weapon thought to have had no more functioning pieces throughout the entire multiverse. A weapon so powerful that it first implodes, absorbing in everything around it, at the conceptual and sub-atomic level, before exploding and releasing everything it had absorbed, resulting in, at the bare minimum, the destruction of the infinite multiverse. After imploding, and thankfully not managing to suck in anyone else, the concept of space, time, reality, life, death, and infinity itself had been absorbed within the infinitesimal implosion.

Now came the explosion. At the center of the bank, the bomb detonated into a small dark purple blast that would expand throughout the bank, Discordia, the omniverse, and the Omegaverse itself. Reality altered at a rapid pace; everything within the reach of the bomb would be thrown into the realm of death, reduced beyond nothingness; infinitely so. It was beyond the sheer necessity of speed, beyond all levels of movement, action, and thought. The bomb’s detonation and Discordia ceasing to be came hand in hand; no continuity about it.

But that was still more than enough time for our The Golden Whiz.

Our hero, Discordia’s last hope, had but only one chance to stop this weapon of mass destruction. In a moment of transcendental brilliance, the fabled hero raced forward; a golden streak of cosmic lightning trailing behind him as he ran, and ran, and ran around the Cataphysic Bomb.

Faster than sound, faster than light, faster than time itself; shaking free from the shackles and the laws of this world. Transcending the realm of speed itself, bypassing the concept of space. Yet still, faster, faster, faster. He worked to destabilize the core of the bomb, twisting the laws of reality with his speed while simultaneously stealing the motion and energy away from it.

But even that wasn’t enough. He would have to ascend further. To the realm that lay beyond Omnipresence, untouched by even the greatest of supreme omnipotence.

The core of the bomb contained the power to annihilate infinite realms of existence, but he would need to drain every last fraction of the energy. And so he did. He redirected his route from running around the blast, to directly for it. Now at the epicenter, he reached out his hand straight into the heart of the explosion, absorbing all of the motion and energy from it into himself. For anyone else, this would have been certain death.

But not for the conduit of the entity of speed itself that ran through all life, The Accelerant.

Skating to a stop, as sparks flew from his feet, he let out a sigh of relief. Despite being certain that he would survive, going that fast had always given the Whiz a certain rush.

After a moment for all of the ex-hostages to come to their senses and realize what happened, they shot up from the ground. Cheers echoed loudly on this wondrous day. While a large portion did simply run out of the bank, a sizeable group dogpiled The Golden Whiz to the ground in a hug. Laughing, he forced himself to stand back up from the back breaking tackles.

“Thank you, oh kind hero! We surely would have all been dead if not for you. In this lifetime and the next, I will work to repay this debt I owe you!” Spoke the angel that had convinced him to come stop the criminals. The tears of happiness in her eyes and smile on her face would have surely killed him before any bomb did. “It’s just a shame you weren’t able to come sooner… and that man died…” She trailed off, her smile slowly disappearing.

In a second flat, The Golden Whiz extended his hand, pointing to the elderly man on the floor. Lightning crackled around his body before he jolted up off the ground, eyes wide. The gun wound that had been in is body was no longer present, as if he hadn’t even been hurt in the first place.

“H-Huh? But how! We all saw him die! How is that possible?” She questioned, her eyes wide in shock.

“Oh?” He turned back to look at her, a grin on his face. “I’m The Golden Whiz, I don’t gotta explain shit. And if you want to repay your debt, how about dinner tomorrow?” He winked, before vanishing in a golden flash.

A small piece of paper floated down into the girl’s palms, a location and a time. With a red face, she clutched the paper close, looking out to where he stood just moments before. “Thank you, my hero.”

But while the day had been saved, there was still a thought lingering in the back of our heroes mind. “Where had he acquired such a weapon?”