Survivor: Island of the Idols has arrived! Every week, Parade.com’s Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off of the island.

If you told Molly Byman before she stepped foot in Fiji that she would be called a popular kid, she would look at you in shock. “I’ve never been ‘cool,'” she told Parade.com preseason. “When I was a kid, I had a huge gap in my teeth and I didn’t know how to deal with my hair.” Be that as it may, the former teacher’s likability had gotten her in with a tight alliance, as well as on the radar of some of her tribe members. As a result, the person who mentioned Lindsey Weir in her Survivor bio got taken out over the so-called “freaks and geeks” of Vokai, a blindside that hit her in the face with the force of a squirting clam.

Molly monopolized the first days of the game to set herself up in a prime position. She gained two main allies in Jamal Shipman and Jack Nichting, and highlighted an easy boot in isolated idol-seeking Jason Linden. Additionally, Noura Salman was ticking off the tribe when she accused them of poor work ethic. Facing the vote, the law student considered this an open-and-shut case, as her tight trio organized a vote split between the outsiders. But Lauren Beck struck while the iron was hot, arguing Molly was too threatening and social to go any further. So, while Molly and her allies sat confidently idling in their car at their first Tribal Council, they saw seven vehicles speed ahead in fourth gear, leaving her in their dust.

Now out of the game, Molly talks with me about what she could have done in retrospect to prevent her blindside, her thoughts on Noura and Jason, and how she learned to take herself less seriously after Survivor.

Last night you said in your final words that you were “stunned, hurt, and frankly dizzy” at the outcome. Now that six months have passed and you’ve seen the episode, how are you feeling now?

The second the episode started, I felt so good. It’s been six months; I know I lost. This was an amazing experience I always wanted to do. I’ve felt proud of what I’ve done. The hardest part of last night for me was knowing my loved ones were watching. They knew how much this experience rattled me initially, and they saw how stunned, sad, and hurt I was. I’m generally a pretty tough person, and it’s hard for me to know that other people are going to see me in that state.

At the moment and after the fact, who do you credit or blame the most for your blindside?

I blame myself entirely. Of the emotions I felt when I was voted out, anger was not one of them. I didn’t know who voted for me; I had no idea at all. I knew I didn’t commit enough to the relationships I felt would have carried me to the end. I was trying to hold back early to lay low and not seem too strategic. I regret that. I should have gone to the people I really wanted to play with and come up with ideas. I didn’t do that; I went along with what other people were saying. I own that.

After knowing who voted for me, I think I could have done something about Janet and Kellee. I feel like I connected with both of them. I think it would have been in all three of our long-term interests to have stuck together. I could have made a case for that.

When we spoke preseason, you said you wanted to find one person to play with. The show depicted you, Jamal, and Jack in a trio. Did they both fill that criteria for you?

I love Jack, but it’s hilarious to see how much they put the three of us together. (Laughs.) It was more about our attitudes towards the game than our actual interactions. But I did feel really close to Jamal. I think we would have stuck together and stayed loyal to each other. The other person who I was really close to was Jason. He’s someone who I felt got off to a rough start, but we were strategically similar and could’ve gone far. Jamal and Jason both would have been threats in a way where I could have hidden behind them, but also give the argument that I wasn’t a goat.

Speaking of Jason, can you shed some light on how he fit into Vokai after getting targeted looking for the idol?

First off, Jason and Noura are nothing alike. I think the episode probably put them together because we didn’t go to Tribal first. Jason had his quick idol search, where he was gone for maybe an hour. Lauren looked in his bag, and Noura told him. It pretty much blew up instantly. Then Jason was like, “Oh my gosh, everyone wants me out.” The next day, he walked around and had a personal conversation with every single person, apologizing and saying, “I want to play this game.” He found this papaya tree, which gave us delicious papayas. Jason was great. I like him a lot. I think everyone felt that way.

He told me he was going to the “idol dump” at Tribal. I told him, “I think that’s really stupid. Are you doing that for television? You’re not going home.” We were planning on splitting the votes. But they would be a nominal vote; he wasn’t going to be voted out in anyone’s mind. So I turned to him at Tribal and said, “I agree you’ve been wrongly persecuted. But I’m hurt that you’re going to this extent of saying you’re in purgatory when you haven’t.” Now I know that he knew I was going home then and was pretty confident. I stand by saying he didn’t need to do that.

Noura seemed to want you gone from the beginning of the episode. Did you expect her to be targeting you at Tribal Council?

No, I didn’t! I think that was foolish of me now. Of course she wanted me out and wasn’t just disliking me, but actively trying to get votes for me. I felt good. People had told her it was going to be her or Jason, so I thought she would have voted for Jason.

What do you make of your conflict with her?

The first night out there, I slept on the raft on the beach by myself. I’m a pretty good sleeper, so I was asleep. I guess Jason and Noura were really close to me, and Noura was talking about me all night. The next day, both Jason and Jamal came up to me and said something like, “Noura really doesn’t like you.” It’s funny because, at that point, I was very surprised by that information. But then things came to a head when people started getting tired.

We see you get compared to the popular girl on the tribe, which contrasts heavily with what you told me preseason. How did you react to becoming a cool kid?

You’re welcome to join me at my cool kids’ table, Mike. (Laughs.) I anticipated it coming. I knew Noura called us “the queen, the king, and the Jack.” It’s ridiculous. (Laughs.) I haven’t thought about being popular or an outsider since high school. I view people as who they are. I don’t think I was being exclusive. I don’t think people voted for me because they didn’t like me or felt I was being “cliquey.” People who know me know I’m not a mean girl. It’s hilarious to me to even talk about this. I’m 28 years old! (Laughs.) But it is what it is. When I saw it, I took it in jest and owned it. I think when you watch the episode, a lot of viewers won’t think I’m this crazy mean girl.

You also hear Lauren and Janet discuss how smart you are and how you “have the men in the palm of your head.” What do you think about that reasoning?

Noura said in a confessional last night that I know how to talk and charm, and that’s why I’m dangerous. That makes more sense to me because I was getting along with everyone. In no way did I think I had anyone in the palm of my hand. I generally get along well with men. But we were very friendly, and I wasn’t controlling them in any way. It seems like a jump to conclusions based on nothing. There’s nothing in the episode or from what I can remember happening that could give any evidence that backs up the claim that I had all these men wrapped around my finger.

You are part of a plan to split votes on Noura and Jason. You also had Kellee, who went to Island of the Idols, Dan, who was rubbing people the wrong way, and Janet, who was the oldest person on your tribe. Was there any debate as to whether they would be targeted as well?

As soon as I got off, I thought about what I should have done. Kellee and I did have a conversation about how a woman was always voted out first and what to do if a man ever made us feel uncomfortable on Survivor. If we weren’t on Survivor, we would get rid of him. If it were happening to my sister, I would tell her to get rid of him. I know Kellee especially looks up to Angelina, who got rid of Jeremy the second she felt bad about him. All of those would have been compelling arguments to get Kellee and Janet to feel I would fully trust them instead of the guys. That was my intent. Had I even had a hint that I was on the chopping block, I would have used my agency to do something like that.

Kellee was pretty friendly with everyone. She wasn’t on anyone’s radar as someone to go home. I didn’t want to get rid of anyone who I perceived as a threat. I wanted to surround myself with the strongest people on the tribe, and I would put Kellee in that category. Janet as well. She was the heart of our tribe.

We talked before the season about your desire to find adventure, test yourself, and form your own path. Now that the Survivor adventure is done, have you acquired anything from this experience about yourself?

Definitely. When I was voted off, I told myself, “Don’t lose that Molly. Don’t lose that risk-taking vibe. That’s something that makes you very special. You’re not afraid to do these things, to put yourself out there and look a fool to follow a dream.” That was one thing I had to talk myself back into. “Don’t lose that bravery and sense of adventure.” I remember we also talked in our interview about the “Hillary Clinton Effect.” I feel very similar to her. She’s gotten so much funnier since she lost the election; she’s liberated to say what she wants and hold her head high. I think that attitude is a powerful one.

Lessons learned:

1. Hold my head high and continue to march to the beat of my own drum. It’s gotten me so far. I love my life, and I was so excited to get back to it.

2. Put myself out there more in relationships. I am not super comfortable telling people how I feel about them. But I think it’s really important. That hurt me on Survivor. In life, you should tell people how you feel. When someone’s really important to you, tell them that. People crave reassurance, and it’s only going to make your bonds more real.

3. Cope with failure, and don’t take myself so seriously. I realized I was so serious in all my interviews. I got into “interview mode.” I put a lot of pressure on myself, and I felt embarrassed. Now I’m not embarrassed at all. I’m really proud of myself. This was a really cool thing to do, a fun blip in my life. It’s not a failure at all, even though it didn’t go the way I wanted.

The Molly of six months ago would not be publicizing a GIF of her getting squirted in the face by a clam!

(Laughs.) No, she would not! And now I’m just like, “Okay, own it!” The Molly of six months ago would not be joking about the cool kids’ table. But now I’m like, “Don’t take yourself so seriously. It’s a game.”