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Top Chef returned to Bravo in fine form with a splash of sass, a pinch of ego, and a whopping dollop of culinary talent. And I’m not only talking about the contestants; the first episode of the season not only treated us to Top Chef judging staple Tom Collcchio, but also past guest judge faves Hugh Acheson, Emeril Lagasse, and Wolfgang Puck who each presented a specific set of cheftestants with a unique challenge to see who would advance to Seattle. Taking a cue from Top Chef: Texas, the first episode weeded out the weaker links through these challenges, and gave us a clue as to who we should keep our eye on in the season ahead. So, hands up, utensils down, Geek Bingers. Let’s meet the chefs!

From the start of the show, we learn that we are going to be introduced to 21 chefs who will compete for a chance to be on the show. For you newcomers to Top Chef, know that this format wasn’t always the case. The season used to start with the chefs that had already been given slots, and went straight into the competition format that they’ve had for the past 9 seasons (Quickfire Challenge, Elimination Challenge, Judge’s table). I have mixed feelings about dedicating the first episode to showing us people who might not make it onto the show. It always winds up being fun to watch, but you may also become attached to players that will never make it through. And if I wanted that, I’d watch American Idol Hollywood Week. But it is fun to see people with more confidence than Charlie Sheen get schooled on their amateur knife skills by the king of silent judging, Tom Colicchio.

Since we are dealing with 21 chefs who we hardly know yet (and thus, 21 dishes) for the first episode, we’ll break this episode down into its most basic parts. We’re gonna break it down like Tom’s chef’s had to break down and butcher dead animals and fish.

The show began with Tom’s chefs first, but since it was the last set of chefs through to be revealed, we’re going to hit that part last.

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Chef: Emeril Lagasse

Challenge: Make me a soup in an hour!

In Emeril’s mind, you can tell the quality of a restaurant by their ability to turn out a fantastic soup. I can already tell that I’m going to like having him around. He has a great charisma and an obvious passion for food that really comes through as he talks about… SOUP (of all things).

Who’s In: Jeffrey Jew (FIRST), Josh Valentine, Kristen Kish

I thought that Jeffrey had backed himself into a corner with trying to do a cold soup. Emeril repeatedly looked skeptical as to whether the young, dashing Jeffrey could pull it off, but he not only got his gazpacho cold, but turned Emeril’s tastebuds out with the flavor. BAM! Go get your Top Chef coat. I still don’t have a good read on this guy. Is he just really zen, or a douchebag lying in wait until someone turns off his burner by accident? We shall see!

I like Josh. I think he’s got some skills with flavor, but his time management snafu made me a little nervous for future challenges. He at first appeared a little bit timid, so he may get run over by some of the stronger personalities on the show. I do like his beard, though.

And Kristen Kish definitely surprised me. I have to say, I judged her by her looks when I first saw her. She looked like a model. I wanted to see her “smize.” But no – she brought the goods with her soup, so much so that Emeril called her English pea soup one of the best soups he’s had in a long time. OH SNAP. She’ll definitely be one to watch – one, because it looks like she can really bring the heat in the kitchen, and two, because I’m wondering how long it will be before someone puts down her cooking due to her supermodel looks. I don’t think they can accuse her of being a bitch just yet because her backstory with eliminated contestant Stephanie Cmar was seriously adorbs. Speaking of which…

Who’s Out: Stephanie Cmar and Tina Bourbeau.

I was really rooting for Stephanie. Not because I thought she was a good cook, but because I wanted to watch her and Kristen be adorable besties for at least a few episodes. And Tina didn’t make that big of an impression on me. Except for the fact that she looks like she should have been a better cook than she was. She had the whole stern, Type-A thing going on. But whatever. She’s out.

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Chef: Wolfgang Puck

Challenge: Make an omelet in 45 minutes.

Wolfgang Puck starts us out by telling us a charming story (in that charming accent) about how he initially failed at omelet-making when he was a young lad. Apparently, there’s an enormous amount of skill that goes into creating a perfectly fluffy omelet with scrumptious ingredients, and Wolfgang was going to see if his batch of contestants could pull it off.

This omelet had better be bomb because 45 minutes seems like a lot of time to make one. Or maybe I’ve just been making crappy omelets all my life.

Okay, so after watching this segment, I did indeed realize that I’ve been making crappy omelets all my life.

Who’s In: Carla Pellegrino, Eliza Gavin, Chrissy Camba, Tyler Wiard, Kuniko Yagi

Wolfgang was apparently feeling very generous, because he was thoroughly satisfied with the work off all but one contestant. I thought for sure that loud, indecipherable Carla Pellegrino was a goner, but she managed to eek-out an omelet that was to Wolfang’s liking. I’m not quite sure if this woman is going to annoy the hell out of me or be the heavily-accented comic-relief like Fabio was in Season 5. I have a feeling it’s going to be the former, but I’m willing to give her a shot.

Eliza Gavin looks like she could also be comic relief, but in a much less grating way. She seems bubbly, charming, and her omelet with the steak strips across the top were drool-worthy. I worry about her easy-going attitude though; she could be that chef that never gets taken that seriously by her more serious counterparts.

Chrissy Camba looks like she could be interesting to watch, but I worry that she’s going to stick to Polynesian cooking too much and get criticized for being too one-note. I might be jumping to conclusions here, and I will say that it’s only the first episode, but it’s just a sense I get.

Tyler Wiard is….. who is he again?

But who could forget Kuniko! She’s seriously adorable, and her drive is admirable. However, I do think I could have a little trouble understanding her for the rest of the season. She looks like she knows her way around a kitchen, though, so I’m eager to see how long she’ll last.

Who’s Out: Daniel O’Brien

Oh, Daniel. Even though you made a somewhat egotistical comment about your “national press,” I still feel for you. Being the ONLY one left out of Wolfgang’s Omelet Hall of Fame had a major “ouch” factor, especially when it looked as if you were too choked up to speak after you were unceremoniously bounced from the competition. I’ll eat your bacon-grease crusted omelet any day, my friend!!

**

Chef: Hugh Acheson

Challenge: Make a salad in 45 minutes.

Okay, so after viewing this segment, I’m thoroughly confused about what a salad actually is because some of these chefs put forth what looked like random vegetables strewn across a plate…. With a vinaigrette, of course. Is it the vinaigrette that makes it a salad? DISCUSS.

Who’s In: Brooke Williamsen (FIRST), Bart Vandaele, Danyele McPherson, and Sheldon Simeon.

Brooke Williamsen came off as so unassuming at first, but then got the first chef’s coat with her brussel sprouts and kale concoction. Her sugary sweetness makes me nervous, especially for upcoming challenges like restaurant wars, but she obviously has some talent in Hugh’s discerning opinion.

For some odd reason, Bart and Sheldon didn’t make a huge impression on me. The only things I can recount about either of them is that Bart is a Knight and Sheldon is best chef in the Pacific or something. Sheldon also has a goofy smile that makes me chuckle. I think I may have to reserve judgment on these two until the next episode.

And how can you miss Danyele? That fiery mane of red hair with that dorky cherub face is hard to forget.. She made a charred tomato “salad” that looked rather yummy, and her general demeanor is engaging. Given that it’s the first episode, it’s hard to know if her success here was a fluke, but more will be revealed, I’m sure.

Who’s Out: Gina Keatley

The only person out on Hugh’s team was Gina “Don’t Make Me Cry” Keatley. Ya know, for someone who talks up and down about how cut-throat competitive she is, she certainly is a big baby when she gets the slightest bit of criticism. Jesus Christ, if you’re gonna talk that much game, double down on it when the criticism comes and at least stand by your dish, woman! Nope, not sorry to see her go.

**

Chef: Tom Colicchio

Challenge: Do Service in My Restaurant, Bitches

For those of you who don’t have this bloggers extensive kitchen vocabulary as a result of watching Top Chef, “doing service” just basically means cooking for real live people in a restaurant. People will shout orders at the chefs, and the chefs will have to execute to Tom’s satisfaction. However before that can happen, each contestant has to prep a dish.

Who’s In: John Tesar, Lizzie Binder, Micah Fields

Mr. Fancypants “Best Chef in Dallas” John Tesar wants you to know that Anthony Bourdain thinks he’s a great chef. This guy is an ego geyser, but if he’s not talking out of his ass about the Anthony Bourdain props, something tells me he’s going to make a formidable foe. And an asshole. So, I look forward to hating him all season. He’s the first one through with an impressive halibut dish, and he’s promptly given a chef’s coat by Tom before any of the other competitors.

Lizzie Binder, the South African single mom charmer, dazzled Tom from the get-go with her preparation of tortellini. She continued to wow him during service, and she was the second chef to get a coat. I love that she seems like a genuinely warm person, but balances it with super refined cooking skill. I have a feeling she’ll be one of my favorites, although it might just be because I find her accent mesmerizing.

Micah fumbled a little bit at first with somewhat sloppy fileting skills. Tom had to come over and show him how to properly filet his black bass (which Tom is obviously a freaking BADASS at – loved watching this). But Micah impressed Tom so much with his confidence in the kitchen and his actual service that he got a pass to Seattle as well. I like Micah because he seems confident without seeming cocky, and he gives props to people when they deserve it.

Who’s Out: Jorel Pearce, Anthony Gray

Jorel Pearce was charged with breaking down a chicken, which he told us was going to be a cakewalk for him because he is soooo good at it. Cut to: Tom telling him he’s doing it all wrong. D’OH. From here on out, the writing was on the wall. Sorry homes, there’s only room for one guy with whacky facial hair, and his name is Josh.

Anthony Gray, the notably sweaty contestant, started off shaky with his duck butchery, but actually wound up impressing Tom with his Hamachi. I was actually wondering if he’d actually pull it through, but Tom told him he just missed the mark. Sad face. I like the underdog.

**

On the whole, I’m super excited about this season and the contestants that we got. From the promo, it doesn’t look like it’s going to be one of the more dramatic casts, but even in its tamer seasons, Top Chef still has the power to entertain and make us incredibly hungry. I especially look forward to seeing more of the judges we saw in this episode, and the triumphant return of hot, witty, stoner judge Padma Lakshmi. Pack your knives. Let’s Go!

Rating: 7/10