Does LeBron James Have a Sex Tape?

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The Informer knows there are a ton of questions surrounding the 2014 NBA Finals and the sports world in general, which is why today he is breaking out a weekend mailbag to try and get some of those questions answered.

Before we begin The Informer wants everyone to know that even though his air conditioner is broken, causing the temperatures in his house to skyrocket to a balmy 78 degrees, The Informer has a full stock of Natty Lights to keep himself hydrated so while there may be some slurring of the words, there should not be any issues with cramping.

Now that we are all on the same page and fully hydrated, let’s get this mailbag started.

“A mailbag . . . Informer what in the hell are you talking about? The headline says “Does LeBron James Have a Sex Tape”. It makes no mentions of a freaking mailbag? What is going on here?”

Oh yea, that was a completely fake headline. The Informer was using a tactic known on the internet as “Headline Porn”.

What is “Headline Porn” you ask?

It is where people use a bold/outlandish headline that has nothing to do with the actual story just to get people to click on their links. It doesn’t matter if the headline actually fits the story, as long as you get that click.

The Informer found out about this new phenomenon thanks to the Twitter. You see many people on the Twitter use headlines that say “such and such star nude” to get the people to click on their link. Only when you click on the link you are taken to some health food website that contains zero pictures of said nude stars.

Basically, a person is tricked into thinking they are going to see Mila Kunis sunbathing topless in the Indian Ocean, only to get redirected to some website talking about the horrors of eating dog meat.

It is absolutely infuriating when it happens.

But, it is also quite genius. I mean how many people do you think are going to click on this story just because they thought there would be a “LeBron Tape”? Hundreds? Thousands? Billions? In the words of Guinness beer, “It’s brilliant.”

(The Informer note to his wife – The Informer heard about this unique Twitter problem from a friend. The Informer has never actually seen or clicked on anyone of these links. This is a completely secondhand story –scouts honor)

“Let me get this straight; there is no LeBron James sex tape?”

Of course there is no tape.

Come on man . . . If such a thing did exist do you really think the first person to break the news would be a middle aged blogger living in Nebraska? Grow up Peter Pan.

Honestly, The Informer is sorry for getting anyone’s hope’s up, but he truly believed y’all would know it was a joke headline.

“Well it was a pretty sick joke Informer. Here I thought you were going to give the people what they want (X-rated porno), and instead you tricked us into reading a mailbag. This is a new low even for you. What do you have to say for yourself?”

I’m sorry (with a Ron Burgundy upper inflection)?

Listen, The Informer thought it would be hilarious and a great all around idea. At first people are going to freak when they read the title thinking such a video exists; so that is good. And even when they click on the link and find out there is no video, they will still be happy because they get to read a wicked awesome mailbag.

It’s a win-win for everyone.

But since The Informer now feels bad about tricking the readers, how about he makes up for it with a link to a site that contains every celebrity “erotica tape” ever made? Would that make up for the misleading LeBron headline?

“Informer are you really going to share the link? Or is this just going to be another one of your tricks to try and make us watch Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” video?”



No The Informer promises it’s the real deal. All the greats are there; Pam & Tommy, Kim, Pam & Brett Michaels, Paris, Chyna, Brett Favre, Screech, Lindsey, Brittney, Christina. All you have to do is click on this link.

“Dammit Informer, IT WAS A LINK TO THE F****** RICK ASTLEY VIDEO!!! You’re a real mean person Informer. I hate you”

In all fairness, of course it was a link to the Rick Astley video. This is a family website, which means even if he wanted to (he doesn’t) there is no way The Informer would ever share any porno links, videos or pictures in one of his articles.

Sorry guys and gals, it just can’t happen. Maybe one day it will be able to, but right now we gotta keep things PG-13. Hopefully you all can accept The Informer’s apology and we can move on.

On that note: Why don’t we put the “Headline Porn” nonsense behind us and mailbag the heck out of this mailbag?

“Did you see LeBron James left the game because of cramps? What an overrated bust. Michael Jordan never would have left a game with “cramps”. And remember when Kobe Bryant shot two free throws after tearing his Achilles tendon? That is how men should act. They should not get carried off the floor because their leg hurts. LeBron James is not a man, he is a bum. It is time for people to realize this and stop talking about how awesome he is. He sucks.”

In the words of radio host Jim Rome, “that is a terrible take.”

No really, the whole “LeBron is overrated because he got cramps take” is beyond stupid. The worst part about the take is there are people who actually believe this nonsense. The Informer knows people believe it, because he has been following this story on the Twitter and Facebook the past two days where every three minutes someone writes a new post calling LeBron a chump. It is astounding. People literally hate LeBron so much that because he got injured in one game they are now trying to say he is not great.

News flash people –LeBron is one of the best basketball players ever. Get over it. Why can’t you root against him, but still enjoy his greatness? It does not make sense to me (unless you live in Cleveland of course. If that is the case, then by all means hate the dude).

Any normal human being who watches sports can obviously see that LeBron James does not suck. Does 4x MVP, 2x NBA Finals MVP, 2x NBA Champion, multiple All-Star Games, led team to four straight NBA Finals and joined Kobe and Jordan as only players in NBA Playoffs’ history to have 4000 points, 1,000 assists and 1,000 rebounds sound like a guy who sucks?

NO!!!

Furthermore, this idea that LeBron is some kind of wimp because he couldn’t fight off cramps is ludicrous. The Informer got a cramp playing Nintendo the other day and they hurt so bad that he had to be rushed to the hospital (okay The Informer was not rushed to the hospital, but he did cry for two hours). And that was just from sitting around playing video games and drinking. The Informer is scared to think what would have happened if he had actually been doing physical activity. He may have been killed.

All The Informer is saying is severe cramps like the ones LeBron had are not something you just play through. The only way to make them go away is to rest and hydrate. Your body will not allow a person to just shake off cramps and play through them. It is not going to happen, plain and simple.

Finally, this notion that Jordan or Kobe never would have done blah blah blah needs to stop. The Informer hates to break the news to everyone, but there were many occasions where Jordan and Kobe both came up short in the NBA Finals.

Does anyone remember the 2009 NBA Finals? As a diehard Lakers fan The Informer sure as hell does. That was the Finals where the Lakers got beat by almost 40 points in Game 6. Has LeBron ever lost a Finals game by 40?

How about the 2011 NBA Finals when Kobe went 6-24 in a Game 7? Do you all remember that? Luckily for Kobe – and unlike what happened to LeBron on Thursday – his teammates (Ron Artest and Pau Gasol) picked up the slack and helped Kobe get his coveted fifth ring.

And before you all start in on the “well Michael argument” let The Informer remind everyone about Game 1 of the 1991 NBA Finals when Jordan missed a jumper at the buzzer that would have won the game. Or Game 4 of the 1997 NBA Finals when Jordan missed a 3-pointer with ten seconds left that would have won the game (PS – Jordan also left Game 4 for a stretch of time due to muscle . . .wait for it . . . CRAMPS).

The point is simple, when you are the greatest and you are playing in the Finals every year there are going to be bad games/moments. But like The Informer has been preaching since Day 1, the worst thing you can do is overreact to one game because in the end it will make you look foolish.

So to all of the people claiming LeBron is a bum, please keep in mind that there are still six games left in this series for “The King” to assert his dominance.

“Okay Informer the take may have been stupid, but even you have to admit the internet memes were absolutely hilarious?”

The Informer is not going to deny that. In fact, here are The Informer’s favorites . . .

“Informer did you see that California Chrome lost the Triple Crown?”

Who is the bluest of hells is California Chrome? And what position does he play #Isn’t Miguel Cabrera the reigning Triple Crown winner?

“Hey Informer I just finished listening to your podcast with Brendan Taylor and I am quite surprised you have not responded to Joe in Philly yet. Are you really going to let him dawg the great Randal Moss without repercussions?”

First of all, to everyone who took the time to listen to The Informer on his very first podcast ever I want to say thank you. The Informer had so much damn fun and is really looking forward to doing it again. Also The Informer needs to give props to Brendan Taylor for doing a great job of running the show. Keep up the good work boss.

Secondly, The Informer wants to give a shout-out to Joe in Philly. It was awesome that you took the time to call and voice your opinion. Me and Brendan are new at podcasting which led to you not getting to talk to me directly, but your message was heard and hopefully next time we will be able to make it happen. Once again, thank you very much for the call and expressing your opinion.

Now, with all that said . . . There will be a rebuttal.

The Informer is planning on waiting until the next podcast; however, if push comes to shove look for a 22,000 word article on why Moss is the greatest thing since sliced bread #YouHaveBeenWarned #StraightCashHomey.

“Informer you always claim to be grossly overweight. Under the assumption that you are an obese fellow, that probably means you really enjoy fast food. So I was wondering, what is your favorite fast-food order?”

Overweight is such a harsh term. The Informer prefers to be called . . .

As for the topic at hand, this maybe the most important mailbag question The Informer has ever answered. I mean with so many options these days it can be really hard for a person to make the right choice when choosing which fast-foods they should eat.

Luckily for you, The Informer came prepared.

Here are The Informer’s top ten fast-foods. If you stick with these you will most definitely be 100 percent satisfied, jolly and most likely develop some kind of heart disease/type 2 diabetes.

You are welcome.

10. Burger King’s Ultimate Triple Whopper with Fries.

Three all beef patties, eight pieces of bacon, four pieces of cheese, mayonnaise, ketchup, lettuce, onion, pickle and a large side of de-fat fried processed potatoes. This is why we live in America people.

If you are looking for something that will keep your heart from pounding properly for a month, then The Informer highly recommends this Godzilla of a sandwich.

Also, The Informer would advise that you wash down your ultimate whopper with a 44oz Coke. You may have noticed that The Informer did not use the words “diet” when talking about his monstrous Coke. The reason he didn’t use the word “diet” is because you are about to consume 4400 calories of fake hamburger and French fries, so there is no reason on “Tebow’s” green earth to try and cut calories with a diet soft drink. Order a real Coke and move on with your clogged arteries.

9. Gas N Shop Hot Dogs

The Informer doesn’t even know if the Gas N Shop chain still exists, but there was a time when you could get two dogs for a dollar, smother them in nacho cheese and ketchup, and walk out of the store satisfied.

How good were these dogs you ask?

Well, The Informer is pretty sure that if you look in the dictionary you will see a picture of smothered Gas N Shop hot dogs next to the words fast-food.

8. Chipotle

Once you can get past the dangerous side effects, which were documented in an episode of South Park, you will come to the realization that you can get a one pound burrito in less than a minute #sold.

7. Chinese Chicken Friend Rice with Spicy Mustard

If you have never had spicy mustard from a Chinese restaurant, you are missing out on one of the greatest experiences ever. This mustard is a liquid that you drizzle on your food that literally makes you stop breathing for 30 seconds while burning your nose hairs off. It is fantastic.

Anyways, if you are getting Chinese take-out/fast food always order the chicken fried rice and ask for the spicy mustard. It will open up your eyes and nostrils while filling up your belly (for about an hour anyway).

6. McDonalds’ Big Mac

True story: When The Informer was a younger man he used to order four Big Macs every time he went to McDonalds (he would use two buy one get one free coupons, thus getting four for the price of two). The Informer ordered four so that he could eat two and then save two for supper. The only problem was, The Informer would always end up over eating and polishing off all four Big Macs in one sitting.

And that my friend is the story of why today when you see The Informer in public, he is riding in one of those motorized scooters.

5. Papa John’s Garlic Butter Sauce/Pizza

The Informer has and will commit crimes of passion for Papa John’s pizza that has been doused with their special garlic butter sauce.

4. Arby’s Beef N Cheddar

You have beef and you have melted cheddar sauce. Need I say more?

3. Casey’s Taco Pizza

For those of you that have never heard of Caseys General Store; it is a Midwest gas station that serves the best taco pizza west of the Mississippi. Why is it so good? Because they sprinkle crushed nacho cheese Doritos on it.

Read that last line again . . . NACHO CHEESE DORITOS ON YOUR PIZZA!!!

2. Taco Bell’s Chicken Quesadilla

If The Informer ever becomes President of the USA, he is going to make a law that says if you go to Taco Bell it is mandatory to order at least one chicken – not steak – quesadilla.

1. The Blimpies Best Sandwich

In The Informer’s younger days he would visit Blimpies at least five times a week (not kidding). And even though the routine has changed a little (The Informer still goes at least once a week) the order is always the same: Footlong Blimpie Best on white with double extra mayo, onions, pickles, a little bit of lettuce and oil n’ vinegar.

The Informer swears that when he is asked what he wants for his last meal, the Blimpie Best will be the order.

“Informer why are you going to be making last meal requests? Are you planning on being on death row at some point in your life?”

Ummm . . . Maybe we should move on?

“Okay Mr. Informer, now that you hoodwinked all of us into reading about how disgusting of a human being you are – seriously four Big Macs? What is wrong with you? Can you please just give us a little basketball analysis? Who do you have winning Game 2 tonight? Do you think the Spurs keep their streak of ten point victories at home going, or will “The Big Three” continue their streak of never losing a Game 2 after losing a Game 1?”

The Figment of my imagination is correct, The Informer has rambled on about nothing long enough. Why don’t we wrap this mailbag up with The Informer’s Game 2 prediction and call it a Sunday?

LeBron James has been through so much garbage over the past two days that The Informer is expecting him to go into full on LeBron mode for Game 2. And since The Informer is expecting LeBron to go LeBron, he obviously is going to be betting on a Miami Game 2 victory.

Final Prediction – Monday Morning’s headlines will not be about cramps. They will simply read “The King Returns”.

Pick: Miami 108 San Antonio 103