THE HEAVENS—Saying that His opinion of the heavens and the earth seems to change every time He looks at them, The Lord Our God, Supreme Ruler of the Universe, admitted Monday that He is simply too close to His divine creation to judge whether it’s any good or not. “I worked on this thing for over 13 billion years, so sometimes I wonder whether I really have enough critical distance,” said God Almighty, adding that, having poured His heart and soul into the universe for so many eons, His attachment to it may be blinding Him to some of its flaws. “I’m still on the fence about certain creative choices I made, but there are also times when I feel like I’m probably being too critical about small corners I cut when making the cosmos—things that only I would ever notice. What I could really use is an outsider’s perspective.” At press time, the Lord had decided to step away from His work for a few millennia and hopefully come back to it with a fresh set of eyes.

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