It’s Brocktober, so let’s keep the party going.

The Miami Dolphins shouldn’t lose to a northern dome team like the Detroit Lions in the sweltering swamp that is SoFlo.

And there’s no reason we should lose to a rookie HC who’s most notable for always having a ridiculous pencil tucked behind his ear, despite the fact it won’t ever write on his laminated call sheets.

Lastly, I don’t want us losing to an opposing OC named Jim Bob Cooter, which sounds like a character on “The Dukes of Hazzard” (look it up millennials), or to an opposing DC like Paul Pasqualoni, who always looks like he just walked-in on his wife with some farm animals.

Let’s go!

BACKSTORY & OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER:

As a lifelong fan of the Miami Dolphins, going all the way back to the Stone Age of the early 1980s, I’ve learned that fandom isn’t always epic highs & euphoria. Hell, if the post-Marino era has taught us anything it’s that we as a franchise & fan base have been mostly spoiled for the bulk of our existence thanks to the leadership of “The Don” Shula and The Right Arm of God, Dan Marino.

Since both stepped aside by the spring of 2000, the past 17 years have been about as fun as an involuntary colonoscopy thanks to poor leadership and mismanagement. Sure, we had that epic 2008 season, and a damn fine hot streak in 2016 that got short circuited by a cheap shot, but life as a Dolphins fan has been tough of late. Enter the #DolphinsDrinkingGame. What started as a sarcastic coping mechanism has manifested itself into a fun thing we can all participate in, provided we act like adults.

And now comes the part when I implore you to approach this with a sense of humor and that whole “adult responsibility” thing. First, if you’re going to partake with adult beverages, do NOT get behind the wheel. Getting yourself and/or others hurt or killed is never worth it. Call a cab, request an UBER or get a designated driver. Second, nobody is saying you have to play along with alcohol. Feel free to use whatever beverage you like - ethically sourced non-GMO coffee, Earl Grey tea or even some dank runoff from Lake Okeechobee.

#FinsUp