Dear Ms Shobhaa De,

Please do not ‘use’ the Army Wife to make your point.

While I reciprocate your fine sentiments towards our soldiers, your recent narrative of the proud fauji wife is a little abrasive, for it appears fraudulent. Like a good story teller you have managed to convey what your co-passenger, the proud fauji wife, may have said or felt during that flight. It is a shame, however, that the sceptical reader in me has won over the proud Army wife. Your account of this ‘chance encounter’ does not read genuine at all, but a clever literary ploy in the service of pathos. If not, I would love to meet this lady who feels “reassured and confident” at the prospect of an escalation of conflict at the border.

As the joke goes in the army, the wives always occupy a rank higher than the officers. Ignoring the mischief inherent, let me focus on the sombre aspect of this joke. The wives have it way harder in the army than their husbands in uniform. It is not easy to commit oneself to a man whose call of duty comes first, always and every time. Nor is it an easy decision to relinquish one’s own professional aspirations to be able to match with the husband’s oft romanticised nomadic vocation. Many of us do it, some do not, and either way the decision comes with heavy emotional baggage. An army wife’s life hangs in a delicate balance which can be easily disturbed by external factors. The angst of being ‘ignored’ is best understood by their wives, as the armed forces personnel struggle to get their voices heard in the policy debates in our country.

More importantly, nobody understands the horrors of war better than the army wives. Your proud fauji wife nursed her wounded husband back to health and yet is enthusiastic about retaliatory action? In my limited tenure as one, I have a contrary understanding of armed conflict. The army wives and their children pray for peace and not war. They also display the rare courage of empathising with other soldiers even if they happen to be on the other side of the border. They understand the pain of the ‘other’ army wife as well. Even your army wife was happy at having the wounded husband home for rest and recoup. Will escalation not snatch soldiers away from their families, sometimes never to come back again?

While it is good to have faith in a democratically elected government and a Prime Minister making the right kind of noises, the kind of jingoism your piece exudes is unconvincingly projected upon the army wife. You seem to have mixed up your concern for the rights and welfare of soldiers and war mongering. India needs a motivated and alert army considering its geopolitical realities. However, such motivation hardly comes from the possibility of a large-scale armed conflict. Enough casualties have been incurred by the Indian armed forces in counter-insurgency ops and due to non-enemy action injuries in difficult terrains to hanker after a full blown war. The motivation, instead, comes from the assurance that the soldiers will not be deprived of their rightfully earned pension, compensation and above all, their dignity and honour.

You talk about ‘stories of valour and faith’ - they abound in the armed forces. Some get media traction before fading away from collective consciousness, while others get buried untold. Your stories of valour seem a bit unrealistic. The tinker-tailor-soldier-spy quality of our Military Intelligence guy’s adventures brought a cynical smile to many of my soldier friends. Let me point out a technical inaccuracy: once wounded, military personnel are rule bound to report at the nearest Military Hospital and not go home.

It is the dream of every self-respecting soldier to be in the middle of “action.” However, most army wives pray that their husbands’ adventures are limited to patrolling and camping in the hills. The other story of two little girls pleading to be killed conjured up an image of the medieval practice of Jauhar. I sincerely hope that these stories are not concoctions, because they read like exaggerations. If your co-passenger indeed narrated these incidents, we would surely like to know more. The vagueness surrounding the narration is a clear giveaway. Throwing keywords like militants, guns, bullets and valour while discussing a “proud army wife” is but a form of emotional blackmail, a desperate pleading to get alms of attention. Hobnobbing with Bollywood on an almost daily basis may have led you to believe that Main Hoon Na-esque patriotism and valour on steroids works. Perhaps it does, but only at the Box Office.

All governments ought to treat their soldiers with a sense of respect and justice. In a democratic country, soldiers obey what the political class decides. Even at the cost of their lives and bad PR. Prudence lies in making policy and decisions that equip the soldiers better in their negotiations: both at the battlefield and beyond. Treating them like food for cannon, or private goons with no strings attached for the sake of an aggressive stance in foreign policy is unethical and foolhardy. While I’m with you in lauding Prime Minister Modi for thanking the soldiers, I refuse to believe that there is anything dishonourable or as you say “chilling” in “duck(ing) the enemy’s bullets” if it translates into peace. I’m sure both of us know our Gandhi and his “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.”

Yours,Another proud Army Wife