As a 57-year-old public servant, I feel that I owe it to the next generation to educate them in the ways of the federal government. In order to make the transition as painless as possible, I want to pass on my accumulated wisdom in the hope that new public servants can avoid many of the bureaucratic pitfalls.

First, don't drink the Kool-Aid. Remember that everyone from the deputy minister on down has to preach the gospel of "client service," "world-class organization" and "employer of choice." You can sing from the same hymn book, but don't make the mistake of actually believing what is preached.

Second, always say "yes." The key to success in the government is to be a team player. Those who turn down an assignment or refuse a request, even for a good reason, are viewed as negative malcontents.

The trick is to defer any and all tasks until they are absolutely unavoidable. In the meantime, most will simply fall away due to a change in plans, senior management or the government of the day.

Third, wait for the inevitable. The current government may be committed to changing the bureaucratic "culture," the deputy minister may be looking to shake up your organization or your supervisor may be a wild-eyed refugee from the private sector looking to make his mark at your expense.

But if there's one constant in the public service, it's that the bureaucracy doesn't change; only the faces do. Much as you hate the current situation, before you know it the government has been voted out, the deputy minister has been transferred to another department or your supervisor has been promoted beyond his level of incompetence.

Fourth, don't forget the five-year rule. For those new to government, it's tempting to believe senior management when they announce a new, dynamic employment initiative that will revolutionize the workplace. For the uninitiated, much effort can be wasted buying into and contributing to such programs. But any public servant who has been in government for 10 years or more knows such grand schemes appear in five-year cycles and disappear a year or two later.

The way to survive such quinquennial exercises is, as always, to say "yes." But don't spend any time on these bureaucratic white elephants. Just smile and wait for their inevitable demise.

Fifth, do not exercise any of your rights. The bureaucracy is replete with employee "rights," everything from upward feedback to reclassification to a formal grievance. But those measures are not designed to be used; they're just progressive window dressing for the employer.

Those naive enough to exercise their "rights" will soon regret it as they are isolated and labelled troublemakers. So if you ask management or human resources about pursuing a particular remedy and someone replies, "It's your right," that's the time to back off and reaffirm your commitment to the team.

And finally, the most important lesson you can learn is that the best way to work in the government is not to work for the government at all; be a consultant. As a consultant, you'll get twice the pay, half the headaches and, by the time anyone realizes your work is useless, you've moved on to the next project and an even higher "per diem" rate.

Remember, whatever career you choose in government, there's no life like it. After all, where else can you drink coffee all day long and pretend that "policy analyst" or "associate program assistant" is a real job? Welcome aboard and enjoy the ride.