Primarily for r4df3m (because her most recent answer prompted this ask) but I suppose anyone can answer, is there any way for a heterosexual relationship to function that isn't "inherently abusive"? I mean, for sure I've got privilege and socialisation etc to deal with, but I would like to believe I'm redeemable rather than doomed to be an oppressive ass forever. Sorry, I'm just struggling with that sentiment, and was hoping you'd be able to clarify for me.

No. You will never be absolved of your male privilege. You can do everything in your power to confront this privilege and attempt to live as ethically as possible and you have a responsibility to do so, but even in the event that you live a life totally devoid of misogynist behavior, society will still deem you superior to women and treat you accordingly. Oppression does not exist on an individual basis. The power you are awarded within male supremacy does not go away when you treat women with respect and humanity. Your status as an oppressor is defined by where you sit on the hierarchy of gender, as you are male you are the oppressive class. Society will always treat you as superior to women. There is no amount of personal change you can enact to dethrone yourself from your male privilege. You may be completely aware that you are not superior to women in any way, but patriarchy will always treat you as though you are.

The power that patriarchy awards you is what makes your relationship inherently abusive. It is not as though you are personally an abuser necessarily, but that you are in a relationship where you actively oppress your romantic partner. You hold power and privilege over her. The best way to “ethically" continue in your relationships with women is to analyze and understand that. You must be constantly willing to critique your privilege and status.

-r4df3m

