It’s a weird weekend, as D.C. United and the Washington Spirit are both off. If you want to see one of our teams play, you need to drive up to Connecticut to see Loudoun United face Hartford Athletic tomorrow. Or, you know, fire up ESPN+.

Nonetheless, there’s news!

Bye-bye, bouncy seats: District to raze RFK Stadium by 2021 | Washington Post

Hear me out: what if we band together and come up with a wacky scheme built around RFK Stadium existing forever? We probably have to figure out how to move it, but if our scheme is wacky enough, I think we can get it done.

‘Rooney wanted to fight Rio & is keen on boxing match’ - Anthony Joshua’s promoter can’t see Owen & Shearer in a ring | Goal.com

Wayne Rooney vs. Rio Ferdinand, in the ring? I, uh...sure.

In news that’s easier to wrap one’s head around, the Washington Spirit are expecting a big crowd next Saturday:

15,000 towels, 7,500 thunder sticks...you probably don’t plan on giving all that stuff away unless you expect over 15,000 people, right?

Yours truly heard some things related to the game that probably qualifies as good news by most metrics:

Hearing that while there are no guarantees about her playing, Megan Rapinoe is expected to travel with Reign FC for the Spirit's 2nd game at Audi Field. #NWSL — Jason Anderson (@chestrockwell14) September 5, 2019

Hearing that Gate A will open at 5:30pm for this game as well. That's 2 hours before kickoff, as opposed to 1 hour for the game against Orlando. — Jason Anderson (@chestrockwell14) September 5, 2019

28 questions with Washington Spirit defender Megan Crosson | NBC Sports Washington

Megan Crosson is pro-coffee, anti-fanny packs, and answers these questions mostly from a hammock.

Washington Spirit goalkeeper Aubrey Bledsoe named to NWSL Team of the Month | Black and Red United

Aubrey Bledsoe has made 3 of the 5 NWSL Teams of the Month thus far this year, which means she’s probably got a great shot at winning a spot on the league’s Best 11.

Players want Vlatko for USWNT head coach | Once a Metro

Those USWNT players are pretty smart. Vlatko Andonovski is one of the smartest coaches in American soccer, period, and currently has Reign FC in the thick of the playoff race despite an injury list reminiscent of the 2018 Spirit.

How Stanley Okumu went from Kenya to the Swedish first division, via the American lower leagues | The Athletic

Definitely give this story about Stanley Okumu’s rise from the NPSL, to the USL Championship, to Sweden could happen in a matter of months.

USA vs. Mexico, 2019 friendly: What to watch for | Stars and Stripes FC

Because FIFA insists on international windows, and Nations Leagues have slowly but surely turned said windows into opportunities to only play teams from CONCACAF, the USMNT is playing Mexico tonight.

Let’s close with a list of MLS games this weekend, followed by the preferred outcome of each one for D.C. United:

NYCFC vs. New England: Pigeons win

FC Cincinnati vs. Toronto FC: some kind of miraculous Cincy win

Orlando CIty vs. LAFC: LAFC win by, I don’t know, 90 goals

Alright, that’s it. Enjoy your weekend, do something good for the world!