Pendulum was threatened by an encroaching rival band from a parallel universe. This band, called Guillotine, was comprised of dog-toads in clown suits, who played alien instruments with no name and didn't sing, because the tones were generated inside of a black hole tornado which broke time to make vocals, and the lyrics were more cryptic than a puzzle game made by Death Grips.

Peredur manned the ballista. It shot bolts made from Dialga's nail clippings at anti-Peredur. He was a couch potato who played an instrument whichr esembled a guitar but was really just an imploded 4-dimensional clusterfuck.

Anti-Peredur turned into a unicorn then sniffed anti-Gareth's penis, which was also his mouth because the dog-toads of the anti-dimension are actually sea cucumbers. The war enraged the pet humans who slapped Rob with their tiny, pathetic, vestigial, stumpy wiggly monkey toes. Rob bit the toes off then swallowed them, causing his legs to become giant swinging axes which he used to murder the plot.

Time exploded, then mouse sharks with praying mantises for teeth and swastikas for gills rioted against the sound of farting because Tuesdays are the only thing shittier than an empire of ham sandwiches wearing gloves made from the nasty hides of harpy carcasses.

Kevin Sawka kept the horde at bay with lasers made from silicon fetuses. Zimbabwe was about to be eaten by the dong dog god, so Zimbabwe prayed to Rob but Rob was never actually a man, or manroach, or roach, he was just a desk lamp with rocket thrusters taped to its base, which was a cookie. The cookie was the gayest cookie from the entire Cookie Galaxy, so it could never crumble both ways like a chalk pendulum.

Kevin kicked the cookie, turning the lamp into a chainsaw made of noses which sells crack to children on Fridays. The cracksaw was so hungry it headbutted a transdimensional whale intoa tornado, which exploded and flung lightning everywhere. The lightning triggered attack helicopters who were really just mosquitoes living in an eternal reverie.

Gareth's testicles started a revolution against the health inspectors. They are the Glastonbury '11 of visitors, who strive to slay McGrillen's and restore Ronald McDonald's monarchy of arterial oppression. Gareth jizzed into some pie crusts, making his signature McGrillen Cream Pies, loaded one into a cannon, then shot the cream pie up KJ's fruity ass.

KJ's butt munched the cream pie. He got so sugar high off the crust, he turned into a watermelon instead of a cantaloupe, then struck Gareth for shooting his jizz up his rectum. The melon whack gave Gareth diabetes and made his manboobs explode. The explosion made Rob's nipples angry, because they were tumblrinas who moonlight as drag queens in foreign galaxies populated by giant nipples with tiny mammals on their chests.

Rob Swire was horny for spider booty, so he withdrew a rope from his taint then trapped Gareth with it. Rob glued Gareth to a wall then puked on him repeatedly, while also trapping Peredur and Ben. But they were set free by the cult of Rob's dickfur, the likes of whom wrapped Rob in a burrito made from his own pubic hairs, which the cult collected from his shower for centuries. The pendulum of karma laughed as it swung perpetually, while Rob got slobbered on by the rabid fangirl cult which liquefied him.

The liquid Rob matter escaped through a crack in the ground, but it landed in a chalice owned by Metallica. Lars Ulrich grabbed the glass.

"Ohhh boooiiiiiii!" Lars said in fart language. He was thrilled, for this was the last genuine glass of Robsynth in the universe. Robsynth, the rarest and most valuable wine of all, is made from liquefied Rob Swire when the vast, haphazard inevitabilities of the universe align to repeat themselves and produce a Rob Swire. Only 5 Rob Swires have convergently come to exist across the vast multiverse, and all but one have been poached, so the value of one single drop of Robsynth is 574.68 quadrillion tons of gold. Lars got the last glass for free. (He could have afforded it anyway, since Guitar Hero metallica became an intergalactic hit)