Chapter 27

The droning rumbling of the coach bus was a subtle background noise as it traversed beyond the city proper and headed about 55 minutes southwest over the high rise highway, curving around the cutaway cliffs; the views of the lapping waves in the passing fjords and bays, relaxing in the distance. All of the rowers on board the university shuttle were either plugged into their music devices, some chatting indolently while others in excitement, or lulled into a light nap as the rising sun only began its gentle trek into the sky; its yellow rays poked out behind a few heavy clouds while the rest of the horizon line gradually lightened a fuchsia sky morning into a peaceful lavender. From her usual spot near the front of the bus, perfectly set above the tire hull to limit the rather annoying bumping produced from the vehicle, Elsa sidled herself up between the window and the seat which was occupied by her usual crew duffle bag.

Her attention had been engrossed in her phone's screen for the majority of the ride. In the beginning, she was simply clearing out her emails and sending some carefully crafted replies. After that, she had pulled out and begun organizing her planner for the upcoming week, adding in extra study hours, fitting it in almost seamlessly to her already crowded schedule; she should never have worried about that. As the clock drew in 7am on the dot, she had promptly called her city mechanic in hopes to settle some form of anticipated pick-up date but had to settle for the annoying answering machine. She'd try again and again, mildly irked at the inconvenience. Only Anna's intermittent text notifications kept Elsa's spirits in a comfortable lightness, not allowing her long enough to dwell on worrying over her schedule for this coming week.

The blonde would smile at whatever was sent and take little time to reply, sparing a moment to peak through the back of her seat across the bus aisle, where Anna sat with the ever-talkative blonde Sophomore, always hoping to catch Anna's silly, miffed, or elated reactions to her responding text commentary. The redhead's reactions were never a disappointment and Elsa could feel the warmth in her cheeks comfortably rise as she realized she could bring amusement to the ever-cheerful girl. These breaks were what she needed, and she was thankful Anna seemed to notice.

Elsa had been so shut away in the library over the past couple of days, phone silenced for much of that time. The redhead hadn't pushed her reasoning for the sudden disappearance, much to Elsa's gratefulness. She couldn't stand the thought of Anna even chancing to put the blame on herself for something that was due to Elsa's own negligence. The rower let out a breath, trying not to lapse into those thoughts. She'd made it through the ending weekdays, and tomorrow would be the start of a brand new week.

And, most importantly, in a few short hours, she and Anna would be debuting all that they had trained for together over these winter months as they raced down the 2k course today.

She scanned the pages one more time before tucking the calendar away, each day filled to the brim until graduation day. Eyes lifted to the window, just the bus made a final slow turn into a massive parking lot; boat trailers and other team busses were already filling up the far sections, and through the sparse trees and team tents, the sun reflected off of a long span of a river. Elsa slowly started to stretch her shoulders loose of the stiff space she had been sitting as the bus came to a stop. Soon the rest of the AU crew team came to life.

Despite being stopped, a mild vibration reverberated through the bus, soon mixing with the humming whir of energy buzzing off of the team members. From the frontmost seat, Mulan stood and gave some directions, short and direct, about where to go and what to do first, while Flynn followed with a few energetic quips and a fist-pump soon after; at least half of the team followed suit and whooped at that. Elsa had tucked her phone into the pocket of her usual blue jacket, watching the team begin shuffling off of the bus, hopefully having actually listened to the Senior captain's instructions and not just responding to her friend's positive attitude. Elsa's eyes lingered blankly on the royal colors passing by her in a steady stream of purples and golds.

Honestly, the school's color choices were a bit of an eyesore when assaulted by so much of it at once. Despite all of her team attire, she did not own the baggy AU Crew sweatshirt, but even if she had to own it, her requirement of wearing the obnoxious purple sweatpants would have been enough. She let her pale fingers curl down to collect the wrist fabric of her usual top of choice. Her National's jacket let her retain some semblance of style and, if she were honest, a sense of self, really; a small but ever important reminder that she had another life beyond Arendelle.

Her eyes caught a small motion, standing out from the slow wash of color. A hand. A wave. She blinked, watching the cheery-eyed ginger as she passed by the seat. Elsa felt how her chest rose at that attention, so aware of her breathing; a smile was unconsciously pulling at her lips because Anna's infectious smile was damned near impossible to ignore. Elsa hadn't even gotten a chance to respond to wave in kind as the constant pushing of teammates ushered her partner onward toward the door. It was not missed when Anna's dearest burly friend, stuck behind her petite form, had whispered something between the two of them. Even though Elsa was out of earshot and almost out of eyeshot of the two too, there was no way to miss the massive color change in Anna's profile as her face went from perfectly peachy to cherry orchard red.

Elsa averted her eyes, still struggling to contain her previous smile but finding it futile. Was it bad to have wondered what Kristoff was teasing Anna about? The possibilities could have been anywhere from lovey-dovey to something much much less appropriate.. A few vivid images of heated kisses popped into her mind. With a dry gulp, Elsa hurriedly turned to her duffle bag, shielding her face from view as the final students walked past, her face uncomfortably warm as she unzipped the topmost zipper of her jacket to expose her neck to some slightly cooler air. No, I can't think like that right now, she told herself as she slung her duffle over her shoulder, following the last rower out of the bus. She took in a deep breath, embracing the cold morning air that hit her once outside, ever hopeful that her face did not mirror the redness she could still spy staining her partner's cheeks a few feet away.

…

It did not take long to set up their equipment, both having been so fluidly versed and experienced by now. Less than 10 minutes found the two sets of winged riggers attached tightly onto the boat's slim hull, oarlock spacers aligned, top-nuts tightened on the riggers, seats slid onto the tracks, and foot-stretcher heel laces tied down. The two stood by the completed two-seater boat, smiles gracing both of their lips as the chilled March morning breeze rustled their bangs. In an almost magnificent gesture, the rising sun glinted off of the metallic based paint of Arendelle Glory's carbon fiber shell as it rested safely within the set of boat slings, waiting for its Spring Season debut; the royal purple color was just radiant.

A booming voice was heard overhead and both looked toward the docks. "The Coaches and Coxswains meeting is about to begin. Please make your way to the main dock. Weigh-ins will be conducted afterward." The two rowers knew the drill well by now after all of their previous Fall races. Spring was just starting. Here. Today! The zing of nerves trembled to her fingertips at the thought. Elsa's eyes turned back to her equally excited looking partner.

Anna raised her hand to her head, tossing a salute at the taller woman. Elsa felt her lips tug up at the gesture, just like before with the little wave, as she watched the retreating redhead hurrying off in the direction of the coxswain, bow seat and coaches meeting for the race-day debriefing. She didn't miss the silly display of Anna desperately trying to yank up her baggy sweatpants as she ran, hopeful to be on time. Elsa mused the thought of sweatpants potentially being more annoying than the sweatshirt after all..

With a lasting look, and snicker at the girl's absolutely clumsy gait, Elsa stayed back with the boat. Their boat had been set up further away from the larger boats, under the cover a lower hanging tree, so the usual commotion of team members was distant, leaving her in relative silence at such a large event. In the quiet, the nearby footsteps on the gravelly parking lot caught her attention easily. Elsa looked up.

"Hi Coach," she greeted politely, which he returned.

The massive rowing coach stepped up to the Double with its still present stroke seat, a friendly smile on his lips that Elsa could not quite pinpoint. It was falling between excited or reserved, or perhaps some strange concoction of both.

"Elsa, I needed to talk to you about something before I go to the meeting." He tucked his clipboard under his arm, likely prepped with team line-ups and information for the day. "I just spoke with the regional directors, other coaches, and a representative of the collegiate rowing association," he said motioning toward the large two-story boathouse, just beyond the docks. Elsa could distantly see a group of (what she presumed were coaches) leaving that very building and making their way down toward the main docking area, but her eyes were back to Coach Oaken's within seconds. "There was a large pushback from the universities regarding the absence of the Singles' races last fall, and so, they came to the great decision to reopen the event for the rest of the spring season, starting next race!"

Elsa stared up at the tall man, eyes steadily widening in time with her loosening jaw. Her head bobbed as the wash of stupor poured down on her, as if she was physically weighed down at the gravity of the news.

"..Really?" was the first thing she managed to produce in just a wisp of breath; a rhetorical question acting merely as a conversational placeholder. Another moment passed before her shoulders loosened up and she looked back to the man's familiar face. He gave a kind look, much more akin to how he usually did.

"There is absolutely no ulterior intent to this news. I just figured you'd appreciate being aware of the change." Again, his blue eyes held a warm, fatherly glow which she had come to know and respect over the last few years. "You are our top rower, so I know you'll excel in whatever boat you're in. Just let me know ahead of time if anything changes and if I need to submit any new event requests." Elsa nodded, distantly, robotically, still wrapping her mind around the news.

As Coach Oaken walked away toward the docks which were now crammed with the many representatives for each team, Elsa took a few steps over the boat trailer, taking a partial seat on the metal lip of the bottom tier. Her arms folded across her chest as she looked distantly to the Double resting just a short distance away; if anyone weren't to know better, she might actually look cold. Although, the strange current inside her chest began to quiver, enough to send a dulled sensation of chill to her body.

After all of these months, thanks to the vocal pushback of other rowers and coaches around the country, the collegiate organization decided to bring back the event. Her event. She wondered if Coach Oaken had spoken up in these debates, fighting and pushing for it in her name.

This was what she had wanted most since last fall. This was the thing that had set her back.

If she were to ever try for the Nationals once again, she needed to practice and continue to perform at the top of her abilities within the Single. She hadn't even touched her beautiful boat since the Southern Isles. Collecting titles and Gold through the rest of her college career would be like embellishing a résumé with improving skill along with it. It was essential that she prove herself better than ever, especially to overcome her tarnished name; the one she wore like a scarlet letter amongst her peers and old teammates. Her parents would be furious if she pursued this life direction again, but, if she could do everything correctly this time, fix her past, truly excel within her Single instead of relying on her second-choice Double, she could bring honor to their family name instead of humiliation...

It had already passed through her mind countless times before, though this was the only piece of the puzzle she had been missing. She could potentially manage both; rowing and a job at the firm. Somehow, someway, at least. She would probably (most definitely) wear herself thin if her experience with the amount of training and traveling was anything to show for it, however, she could do what she loved, fix the past, and still fulfill the role she was destined to be. If she were able to present evidence that yes, she had the ultimate chance of succeeding, perhaps her parents could finally accept her choices. She had an opportunity opening up here. This was the most important opportunity. She could take it, now. She would need to take it now!

It was practically a perfect plan in every way, if only..

Colorful motion in her peripheral caught her attention. The redhead girl was excitedly rocking in her feet at the back of the gathered group, idly whispering with some of their team's coxswains, blatantly bored by the generic rules being reviewed. Elsa furrowed her brows, hating that everything kept coming back to this.

Anna.. She owed it to her partner to continue to row with the young, aspiring rower. Anna had too much potential in this sport to let any of it go to waste. Elsa had told her so too, even if the thought of Anna pursuing such a spirit-draining thing as Nationals had torn at her soul just a bit. But, Anna deserved the right to tap into that potential and explore her many opportunities within the rowing world if it was within her goals, and Elsa knew that it'd absolutely break her heart if she were the cause to stand in the way of those achievements.

Whether it was impulsive or not, she came to a decision with little second thought. I.. I will do both events.. it'd only be until graduation. It would mean racing two 2k's per race day, and training for that separate event. She chewed her lip at the consideration, images of her earlier calendar notes coming to mind; each day already filled to the brim with little to no time for leeway. She could add an extra practice slot for her Single. Waking up at 3:45 am on her internship days wouldn't be so bad if she could fit in just one extra hour before morning practice started..

The thoughts in themselves were daunting and she could almost feel her body and mind's whine of resentment to the idea. But what else could she do?

It's only a month and a half until everything's done anyway, she thought in an almost melancholy manner while still keeping her eyes on the talking cluster, watching her bow seat rower motioning her hands in an animated means (which an official would likely reprimand her for if she didn't cut it out soon). The tight pull in her stomach was akin to sadness at the thought of such a short time left rowing together, as it always had caused when the thought arose.

But no matter what, she vowed to herself as the waves of anticipating tiredness changed into a passionate resolve, I will make sure that Anna will be her absolute best by the end of the season. I'll do everything I can to ensure that. Rarely brought forward into to her conscious mind, her heart ached for the ever preciously shortening time left that she could spend time with the Freshman. Whatever she needs.. whatever is best for her..I'll do it.

She let her eyes linger on the younger form a few moments more as if trying to add the snapshot to her mind's library; to collect these memories now before their time was gone, way too soon.

It wasn't long until she heard the scuffle of green Croc clad feet and saw the group of Arendelle's coxswains, and lone bow seat rower, heading back to the rest of the team which gathered by the trailer. In Anna's grip was a manila folder containing their documents for the race: schedule, lane assignments and, most importantly, the bow number to prop on their boat's bow as well as one to pin to Anna's back.

When the bouncing redhead arrived, Elsa watched with a soft smile, deciding she'd openly discuss the new subject with Anna tonight as to not distract them from the moment.

Anna opened the tiny metal tab, pulling out the sheet filled with numbers, times, crew names and the like. She was sharing some of the standard rules that were reviewed; the warm-up area's clockwise rotation and buoy markers, stake boat procedure, and the official's starting command.

Elsa took the sheet, immediately scanning the page for the information she wanted. This particular race only had solitary events for the small boats competing, while there were both heats and finals for the Fours and Eights since so many more were signed up. It would be an easy opening day for the two girls, at least, yet, simultaneously much more pressure to win their one race was also present.

Now, Elsa already knew the time of their event and their event number (event lucky number 9, let's hope the Norse got it right), but confirmation was always a must. Plus, now they could find out who was going to be in their heat. Knowing your competition was the always the second must. Hmm..She began to scan. Most of the Division 3 schools only had a small number of competing Doubles, but the names were recognizable. Poppins College is in lane 6.. Monsters University, 5.. Tron Tech, 4.. Ugh,of course Atlantica's in lane 3, as expected..

Her blues eyes stopped as she reached the end of the line, rereading the school listings with a hard blink. "Wait a minute," she said, flipping the page over and back, once more rereading the same line.

With one hand reaching into the folder, the younger of the two looked up in response to Elsa's confused voice. "What's wrong?" She pulled the glossy cardboard bow number, just bigger than an index card, out of the folder as she spoke. Elsa's eyes snapped to the number, following its movement in Anna's hand.

"This can't be right." She reached forward, taking, or more so yanking the number from Anna's grasp. "Is this a joke? How are we Lane 0?" Their burly shouldered coach had just started to arrive back at the team's trailer when Elsa turned toward him. "Coach, how is this possible?" She held up the number, brows deep in bewilderment.

Coach Oaken stroked his trimmed but fluffy beard. "Well, the first Spring race lane assignments are always based off of Fall Season performance." He tilted his head, eyeing his own copy of the roster and schedule. "And to my knowledge, both Poppins and Monsters University didn't compete in a Double's event in the fall, so they're ranked off of their previous Spring season, which bumped them up." He offered a helpless shrug before hurriedly excusing himself, Coach Wessleton desperately waving him over to an Eight.

This left the two students standing alone once again, one stuck in her thoughts as another looked on in confusion.

The blonde shook her head at that information, level of frustration rising; a familiar feeling opening a door from the distant recesses of her mind. "I've never not been in the fast lane," she muttered to herself. Typically, officials attempted to divide the crews with slowest anticipated boats on the outside and fastest within the middle.

Elsa put her hand to the bridge of her nose, coming close to letting out an actual growl, breath crystallizing in a harsh puff. Sure, their last season had ups and downs, but they had won their final race. Unfortunately, when averaging across the board, she knew what had happened. "The first fall race.. It killed our ranking," she mumbled while finally releasing her hand's position. While her eyes looked down at the number with disdain, she missed the sorrowful gaze that appeared on the redhead's cheeks.

"I'm sorry.." Elsa quickly looked up at the freshman who was bowing her head, hands clasped behind her back; posture making her seem so much smaller than she already was. "It was my learning curve that brought us down."

Taking in the young girl's guilt-ridden appearance, voice way too close to quivering as the words were delivered, Elsa glanced once more at the offensive bow number before sighing heavily, stepping around Anna and toward the bow of the Double. She stiffly put the glossy card into its designated bow number slot located at the very end of the boat, just before the rubber covering of the bow-ball began. She looked to her side, seeing teal eyes watching her carefully. It's okay. We've been through worse days of training. Although it took a bit of effort, she managed a smile, shaking the competitive edge from her thoughts, which proved more difficult than she'd have preferred. But Anna's green eyes held just enough emotion to do the job. Goodness, she owed all of her recollected sanity to those eyes. It was almost laughable how easy it seemed that Anna could disarm even the most stubborn competitive nature inside of her.

"Don't worry. We have come so far in our training since that first race," Elsa finally said, stating an already well-known concept to both her Doubles partner and herself. She stepped up closer to the opposite woman, appreciating the physical warmth radiating off of her small body. "It just means that we have to show them where we rightfully deserve to be. Right?" She ended her statement with a rhetorical question, yet was distantly hopeful that she'd get a positive affirmation from Anna, as she always sought. She was not disappointed.

Eagerly the young girl nodded, freckled face becoming confident and filled with determination. A tan hand landed over her heart as she grinned, "I want you-no, us to win!" she corrected herself quickly, flushing in the slightest but never faltering in the confident remarks. "So I swear, I'll give it my all!"

Elsa felt her smile become easier, and her chest swell in adoration, eyes alight at the burst in Anna's drive for competition. Goodness, this girl's perfect..

Glancing down at her wristwatch, she collected them back into the moment; general command she had garnered over the years on her lips. "Alright. Now let's warm-up with a lap around the parking lot, add in some lunges and then some jumping jacks. We'll go weigh in, and then do some more laps. It's a little chilly so we need to keep our muscles warm."

She had moved toward her duffle bag, removing her sweats and unzipping her jacket. She sported her usual uniform, lapel emblem still loosely torn in the upper chest, and a long sleeved white under armor cloaked her arms beneath it. If it was chilly enough that Elsa was even opting to wear a white under armor layer beneath her uni, then it was probably arguably more than just 'chilly'.

Elsa watched how the mere mention of the frigid temperature sent a visible shiver down the redhead's body, despite her own warm attire. She furrowed her blonde brows in worry, recognizing Anna's unaccustomed feeling to the brisk air, similarly to their previous week of training. She frowned at the sight of discomfort coming from the still bundled girl. With a glance down at her watch again, she lightly shook her head. "Yeah, come on. We need to get your muscles warmed up now."

Anna hugged her sweats to her body like a shield, diving into her own bag beside the trailer where she retrieved a fleece blanket. Immediately, she began further wrapping herself up in the blanket; a snug cocoon of fluff. "This will do just fine!" She grinned while peeking her head out from under the welcoming object. "Can we just wait a little longer?"

"Anna," Elsa said, voiceless stern than how she used to direct the redhead, but she felt it teeter close. "The cold bothers your body way more than it does mine."

"Cuz the cold never bothered you anyway, yeah yeah." Anna shrugged, boldly stepping forward and clasping her hands into Elsa's, causing the blonde to stumble back against the boat trailer. Twinkling aqua eyes looked up as Elsa's own went wide at the quick closing of proximity. "You could keep me warm too, ya know," she said sweetly, dramatically batting her thick lashes toward the Senior.

The sarcastic jab of words 'you just don't want to run' hung on Elsa's tongue, but she couldn't muster them. Not when her stomach somersaulted at Anna's proposal and she could feel the warm puffs of breath tickling her face.

The mere action, so innocuous yet so utterly bewitching, and the adorable expression in front of her caused her resolve to weaken. There was a tiny lift to her lips' corner as she gave in to the request so damn easily; the Elsa from barely a months ago would be atrociously appalled at how pliable she had become.

Silently, she wrapped her arm beneath the blanket to rest around Anna's waist. Without further instruction, Anna brought her arms up to her chest and huddled into Elsa's body, much like a penguin searching for warmth amongst its mighty flock. The silly act left Elsa's smile to grow ever broader as she brought her other arm around Anna's torso.

Yes. I can keep you warm.. She glanced at the docks, trying to push down the anxiety of their upcoming event, resisting the urge to check her watch once more as minutes began to tick down, and pushing away any concerns for misjudgment. Her cheek nestled against the soft red hair and, for a moment, she relaxed her shoulders; melting into the warm body as if welcoming the embrace of the oncoming summer's sun. It was only amidst times of true demand that Elsa could appreciate how much she loved succumbing to this embrace. ..for a few more minutes.

…

The chill in the air had come through a river's breeze. It was a gentle crosswind, tousling Elsa's hair and feeling the wisps prick at her skin on every stroke. The launch, the paddle into the warm-up zone, and then past the stake-boats into the starting area.

They sat at the starting line; all seven lanes, 0-6, docked with their sterns in a small floating platform. Unlike a fall race, where the boats began the race in a staggered formation and raced against a perpetual clock, the spring races were a sprint against the competition. Though the stretch of water was vast, looking to the side, it was possible to see even the farthest lane away. To Eye the competition. To hear the competition. Feel the tremors through the water, oar to oar.

Being in Lane 0, Arendelle University's lightweight women's Double was first to dock into the starting blocks, each proceeding boat following in suit; tips of the stern decks backed into the wooden platforms where spotters sat, holding each boat as steady as possible as they sat in the bobbing water.

Elsa turned her head, analyzing the competition. A burst of fire crackled in her stomach as she laid eyes upon their sworn rival, Atlantica College, sitting in the desired Lane 3. Atlantic was always fast, always the hardest of their competition, thus they certainly earned the center spot. But her and Anna had beaten them in the fall. Crushed, them actually. Completely turning those Barracudas into shark chum during the final race.

Distantly, she could hear Anna's calming breaths from behind her; a slow breath in, a long breath out, and repeat. She was readying herself for the start of the sprint. The start of the 2000 meter race. A real 2k. One mile that would consist of over 200 hundred strokes of pure muscle tearing power. Pale hands clenched and unclenched her rubber oar handles as she released the tension building in her nerves, but trusting full well that her body would take control once the race began; handling the careful timing of the tight grip when applying power to the oar and relaxing the grip while moving back up the slide.

After an anxious and chilled 10 minutes of waiting, getting all seven boats locked into the starting docks and having each bow seat aligning a straight line down the white buoy-marked course, a crackle went over the airways. Keeping her head poised and forward to the boat's stern, sitting tall with her oars squared and buried in the water, dark blue eyes shot toward the plump starting announcer. He stood, front and center, elevated on a tall platform behind the center lanes, left arm raising high in the air, gripping a flapping red flag; megaphone in the other. His deep voice began the starting, ordered roll call that would precede the start.

"Arendelle University. H.O.M. Institute. Corona College. Atlantica College. Tron Tech. Monsters University. Poppins College." The roll call was complete. All eyes across the field remained trained on that raised red flag.

Waiting for it to drop.

"Attention… Row!"

The sound was like rolling thunder, every crew driving their blades through the once still water in complete tandem upon the first stroke before gradually growing into a roar of splashes individualized to each team. With a shared knowledge, each Doubles partner knew the beginning plan for their boat. They start out powerful, like a shot from a gun, first 5 strokes short and fast, building the power as the strokes grew in length.

10 fast, 10 more for the power. For Arendelle, they didn't settle from the opening sprint until 25 strokes into the race, gradually lengthening their time between strokes; power never receding.

The first 500 meters were completed in a blur, the field sitting even across all seven lanes; every crew pitted against the other, demonstrating the sheer power they'd all trained for through winter. The rolling sound of seven boats, each rowing to their own cadence, was deafening, like the sound of stampeding Fjord Horses that traversed the mountainous region, leaving dust in their wake. Calls from bow seat and stroke seat could be heard from some crews, barely above the splash of blades in the water; communication of commands between partners being the key to success.

In their boat, Anna and Elsa devised their starting race plan ahead of time; knowing their speed, number of strokes how to adjust to the race. They rowed with silence for as long as possible, saving the energy of voicing commands until the end of the race; saving the energy in case of emergency. Never expel anything unless it'll help you win. All power was dedicated to the blade, cutting into the water, and the legs that powered it through on the drive.

Coming through the halfway point was where a boat's endurance became apparent; stronger teams prevailing and gaining the positioning at the head of the field. If rankings remained true, a staggered form should appear, medial lanes stretching into the lead with distal lanes falling back. An arrow, pointing to victory.

Today, Arendelle would not allow such a form.

Navy eyes darted sideways, catching just a glimpse of the competition in her peripheral as the teams crossed into the hardest stretch of the race, orange half-way buoy marker getting farther and farther into the distance behind them.

750 meters left to go.

It was hard. So hard. They had already made it so far, but they could not sprint yet. Steady, strong. Muscles, physically, reaching a point of fatigue as energy has been zapped and every rower had to dig deep into hidden energy stores. Mind mentally drained of strength at the steady, painful pacing; the monotony of pain debilitating to most. They only had 25 strokes until they could cross into the final quarter of the race, but damn those 25 strokes were daunting.

The field had become staggered, as expected, with Atlantica College out in front. However, with an absurd upset given the anticipated rankings, Lane 0 had remained just inches away from sitting even, tied for first-place with the Barracudas this entire race. Arendelle was not going to give up. Each stroke, powerful, pulling the boats closer together until finally, Elsa made the briefest eye contact across the field with the fiery-eyed woman stroking Atlantica's Double.

They were sitting even.

Their race had been in pure silence, indicating that Anna had been maintaining a perfect central point to the finish line; the straighter, the quicker, the better. Oars were clearing, painted blades not even grazing the cusp of the water's surface, easily shaving off milliseconds to their race time.

Analyzing their pacing with Atlantica, the Senior knew she was going to break the silence with an upcoming command. They had sustained a fast but steady pace, rowing their boat with 34-36 strokes per minute over the last 1250 meters. But that would not suffice when going into the final sprint as Atlantica was matching them stroke for stroke; power for power.

Arendelle was going to have to start their sprint earlier than their rivals, to get the lead which Elsa knew they could get. They'd beaten that same Double once before, and they sure as Hell could do it again. But upping their pace too prematurely would be risky, painful, eating up all of their reserves instantly just to take the lead and demolish their competition. A win was a win, but to crush your competition was much more satisfying.

With a final glance, Elsa inwardly grinned seeing that she was now beyond her matched stroke seat, now aligned and sitting far up on Atlantica's bow deck. It was barely a meter of a lead, but that was perfect. They had this, easy.

She hardened her gaze ahead, watching another large orange buoy pass next to them, indicating they were in the last 500 meters. Just about 50 strokes to go. She was counting in her head. One, two, three, four… Each stroke of the blade driving through the river and starting the sequence again. .. nine, ten. One, two..

It'd hurt, but they had to open their sprint soon. She knew she had the ability to do it early. But she wondered, could Anna handle it? Did she have the mental will-power to absolutely deplete everything? Yes. Anna had to be able to handle it. To keep their massive lead, they needed to go now.

The command, to up their rate to 38 strokes per minute, sat on the front of her tongue before a whimper disrupted her.

A short yelp from behind her caught her ear. The command disappeared from her mouth as something struck her, inescapable and stoppable in her weary mental state. That sounded pained. A pained whimper.

The adrenaline in her veins suddenly ran as cold as the air. Was Anna okay? She'd never heard the girl emit such a sound in a race. Or practice. Ever. What happened to her? Was she alright? Her mind spun with wondering concern, physical body on auto-pilot as she continued her row, completely preoccupied. It wasn't until movement in her peripheral snapped her out of the daze. Horror flooded her racing mind.

Atlantica started sprinting before them. They'd already gained back the distance, once more sitting even, edging away at taking the lead. Taking the win from them. Elsa growled, eyes on fire at the mere thought of losing this race. Not after they'd come so far.

"Up to 38!" Elsa barked out, desperation to keep their win ruling her thoughts.

The white buoys that lined the first 1750 meters of the course became a crimson color indicating the entrance into the final 250 meters. 25 strokes until the finish! She could swear she heard another pained cry, though more prominent, come from behind her; the tiniest of words striking a fear inside her: "I can't.."

God, she had to force herself not to care, concern viciously chomping at her conscience; mentality weakened at fighting off the guilt. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Focus.

"Shorten!" Pushing the fastest stroke rate they could, the duo raised their rate to 40 strokes per minute, shortening their layback, speeding up the slide and compressing their legs with fierce force. There was a stumble. Then a lunge sensation. Oars smacked the top of the water in a jarring blast of noise.

They fought for each stroke, fighting for each inch that they could get back on Atlantica. They once had a guaranteed win but were now fighting tooth and nail to salvage what was left. Elsa's legs and arms burned, her lungs were on fire, heart ready to jump from her chest.

Beep!-Beep!

The buzzers at the finish line rung overhead, each boat receiving a tone upon completion. Those two rings were so close together, though. Who's beep was first? Who crossed the line first? Who placed first?

They let their boat drift aimlessly, oars falling flat on top of the water, both torsos falling over their loosely gripped handles, heaving heavily. Steam emanated off of their heated and damp shoulders; smoldering beneath the cold air covering the river. Elsa looked at the Atlantica Double, more buzzers sounding overhead as the remaining crews crossed the finish line threshold. The two Barracuda rowers mirrored their own crumpled and beaten forms, breathing heavily; giving it their all to attain glory for their team's name.

Elsa didn't want to turn around, knowing Anna would have had the clear answer of who crossed the finish line first in her vision line. The team who took gold. Yet a sharp hitched inhale struck Elsa's heart and she couldn't fight her automatic response. She whipped herself around in her seat to look at her bow seat, ignoring the cries of her weary ab muscles as she did so in such a rush. Her panting lips snapped shut immediately, eyes rounding wide as she frowned worriedly at the sight.

Anna was hunched over, holding her oar handles together with one hand; the other squeezing up and down her calf muscle. Those same fingertips were white from a forceful grip. Her pearly teeth were gritted, face contorted in dismay, well beyond that caused by a defeating race. She was in physical pain.

Elsa didn't need a medical degree to deduce that the younger girl's leg muscle had been strained to some degree.

Feeling eyes on her, Anna squinted an eye up to her stroke seat. Misinterpreting Elsa's frowning for race disappointment, Anna tried to collect herself enough to speak quickly. "I had an inch on.. on their bow," she hardly squeaked out between breaths.

They had an inch on Atlantica.

That meant Arendelle had taken First.

For a split second, a surge of relief went through her veins, the worry which the damned race had been strangling her with finally relenting. But it only lasted for half a second as those veins became encased in frost. Before her eyes, she watched Anna's body lean forward again as another whimper escaped her lips.

If Anna was in dire need of medical assistance, such as on verge of death, Elsa would have had to wave a race marshal to come get them to shore. Despite knowing that obligation well, she was very tempted to call out for help just before the panic inside her subsided enough to logically handle the situation. Immediately, even if these 45 seconds felt like an eternity, Elsa took command of the situation, brows furrowing deeply. She had to get Anna back to the docks.

Turning forward in her seat once more, and eyeing the other crews rowing out of the finish area, Elsa compressed on her slide and began to row. She heard the briefest roll of track wheels from the bow and instantly spoke firmly over her shoulder, "Don't row or move your knee. Just steer us back. I'll row." There was zero room for argument.

The silent response, accompanied with the curve of their boat's wake before her eyes, was all the information she needed to confirm that Anna was listening to her command. She chewed her inner cheek, clenching down each time she heard either a grunt or an increase in teeth clatter, understanding the Freshman, now coated in sweat and sitting still, was only going to get colder. She moved as fast as she could, calling out to the other crews to let her pass and dock due to medical priority.

It was a little difficult landing, their trajectory more off than normal. They had drifted wide from the dock, Anna's typically spot-on parallel parking noticeably off as the young woman could barely move her foot to steer their rudder, and Elsa was basically blind to everything happening behind them. The flat purple blades clacked against the wood planks as the small boat slid up close. Their oars were grabbed by teammates who had scurried onto the dock during their return to gently guide the boat to rest.

"Get her ice, and a blanket," Elsa ordered urgently as soon as her fingers could touch and grip the edge of the wooden dock, seeing tall Coach Oaken appear behind her other teammates. He must have noticed something was wrong the moment that the two were back in his eyesight. The large man didn't ask any questions before swooping down and lifting the lightweight redhead out of the boat and carrying her back to the team's trailer. "Be sure she's safe," the blonde mustered to his exiting form, not caring how faint and torn her voice sounded. Elsa watched with unbidden worry as they disappeared from her view, eyes falling back to her feet in a disheartened manner.

With a sigh she undid her foot binds. One foot at a time, Elsa slid out of her seat, pulling both of their oars out of the oarlocks before stacking the four long objects along the back of the dock. In the absence of her partner, and presence of the disoriented storm still clouding her thoughts, she stared at the boat bobbing with the current, trying to figure out how to get the Double out of the water alone. The pause, however brief, was long enough to catch her weakened mind off guard, and she did her best to keep her eyes from trailing off in the direction of her team trailer. She was worried, but she had to deal with this boat first.

"Need some help?" The blonde spun to face her Senior equal; those accompanying black eyes providing ever needed comfort.

"That'd be nice, Mulan," she said gratefully, finally feeling the adrenaline of the race, and getting Anna help, starting to wane. Her muscles twitched, fatigued. Her mental status not fairing quite so well either.

The two women picked the boat out of the water, bringing it to their shoulders via Elsa's commands.

"Your race sounded amazing!" said the Chinese woman with an excited grin, turning her head to try to look back down the other end of the shell. The blonde walking behind her shrugged with a half smile. "Man, what a sprint at the end!" Mulan continued on raving, just loud enough for Elsa to hear down the span of the boat. "You could tell even the announcer was on the edge of his seat narrating it. Now that's what true 2K's are seriously about!"

If only you knew, Elsa found herself thinking solemnly.

After nearly 10 minutes of carefully weaving through the masses of competitors and spectators, and waiting for other passing crew boats making their way to the docks, the duo made it back to the grand gold and purple trailer. Making quick work, two other Freshman darted over with soft boat slings, and the Seniors were able to rest the boat once more.

Elsa took a step before looking over her shoulder in the direction of their team's tent, the usual spot for any of their little medical needs or general resting area. She chewed her lip before looking down and reaching for a nearby black boat strap to tie the object down, but it was snatched from beneath her grasp. Blue eyes looked up at her Captain.

"I'll tie the boat down and get some of those dawdling Novices to de-rig it for you guys." As if to add extra meaning to her words, Mulan tilted her head in the direction of the tent. Elsa did not even bother to stifle the 'tch' chuckle from passing her lips before nodding and heading away. Such a Crew Mother...

Daintily maneuvering through the throngs of other students, Elsa was finally looking to the huddled group. She recognized Anna's best friends sitting crisscrossed in front of her, with Flynn standing next to them. Both Coach Oaken and Coach Wesselton stood nearby, discussing who knows what and were on the phone with who knows who, before the Novice Coach headed out and over toward some other younger rowers.

Elsa paused at the entrance of the shade provided by the tall tent canopy. Anna was seated with her supposed good leg tucked under her with the other extended; one large bag of ice under her knee, another draped over top of it, sandwiching the joint. She let her blue eyes crawl back up to Anna's face, where last she had seen such agony and discomfort. To Elsa's utmost relief, the passing time and care must have alleviated a lot of that stress. Anna had her little smile back on as she laughed at something Rapunzel must have had said.

That little smile allowed Elsa to exhale a lighter breath, filled with anxieties still back from on the water to be sent out of her body.

Catching the blonde's presence, the younger Captain called her over. "Hey, Elsa!" Flynn greeted, automatically causing the other 3 sets of eyes to look her way too. Tucking her chin slightly at the sudden increase of attention, Elsa stepped forward toward the huddle. "Rapunzel was just saying how she overheard some of the Atlantica rowers getting pissed about your total upset. They were throwing major shade our way." He crossed his arms, grinning. "I couldn't be prouder!"

The Sophomore boy spoke up, adding to Flynn's words, but Elsa missed it, attention drawn to her downed partner. She wasn't surprised to see teal eyes looking back up at her, also seeming disconnected from whatever the rest of the group was talking about.

An apology was teetering on her tongue, though Elsa could assume it might be awkward to just blurt that out, seemingly randomly within such a 'public' setting. There was a strong assumption in her mind that Anna had not shared anything about what happened in the race. Not yet at least. Those soft eyes, absolutely farthest from anger, just shined up, causing a twist in her stomach. Whether conversation was still continuing on around her or not, she was now deaf to it all.

Elsa finally knelt down in a spot just off to Anna's injured side. She reached her hand out subconsciously, barely poking the bag of ice resting over the battered knee. There was no purpose to the action. Just a displaced behavior as she figured out the best words to start with. Oh, where to start! Lines of communication were always up and down between them but had certainly been on the rise in the more recent weeks. This time last week, she may have even felt comfortable enough to poke a little fun, calling out Anna's usual danger prone behavior and resulting injuries; certainly not to downplay, but make light of in a dismal situation. How could one week feel like years ago? She finally settled on the easiest and safest thing.

"H-how's your leg?" The words were gentle but reserved, tiptoeing on thin ice. She kept her eyes locked onto the subject at hand, rather than the other girl's face, moving her fingers away from the ice bag.

"It's chillin'." Blue eyes actually did look up this time, quickly, blonde brows drawn in an exasperated line. The silly smile sent back would have made her weak in the knees just a few hours ago, but all it did now was cause the twisting in her stomach to turn even more.

How can she still be so happy? She would have voiced more, but finally, the background sounds breached their quiet world.

The area's speaker system crackled to life before a new announcement rolled overheads. "Now calling all placing Pairs events 6 and 7, as well as Doubles events 8 and 9. Come to the podium to collect your medals."

"Hey that's you guys! Time to get your hardware!" Rapunzel said with a happy smile. It caused the two partners to glance at each other. Why did she feel so nervous while looking at Anna's face? Embarrassed.

The freckled teen offered a soft laugh. "I wish I could go but.. I guess I need to sit this one out.." Her teal eyes looked at Elsa with an apologetic tint before a happy crinkle appeared in their corners. "Next time, though!" Oh goodness, they were so pure.

It felt awful.

Elsa offered her best half-hearted smile, though it truly had next to no heart really, but she hoped it was enough to appease the other woman who was valiantly trying to keep everyone's mood up. "Okay. I'll be back soon."

Hurrying away from the team, she began following a dusty path leading to large sidewalks. She stepped around the pedestrians and families out to watch the races, trying to make her route to the main boathouse as direct as possible. She could just about make out the podium set-up out front; wires for the many speakers all stemming from this central location.

She stepped up behind a few other rowers likely there for the similar reason of medal pick-up. Once her turn, she knew the procedure very well; giving her team identification, boat number, and heat information. She had done this so many times over the years, a collection of gold medals tucked away beneath her bed. The attendant managing the table smiled and pulled out a white packet; heavily weighted with the outline of two circular medals protruding through it.

Elsa swallowed, thanking the person cordially before stepping away and staring down at the prize as she gradually slowed her steps. She shouldn't be picking this up alone. A win had never tasted so sour.

"Well, what do you know. The Ice Queen has a new 'Beauty' to parade on her arm." That voice. The chill that shot up her usually poised spine made the woman's breath hitch; sharpness like a knife settling in her throat so quickly she wasn't sure if she could even find a sound to utter. She abruptly shot her head toward the sickening voice, teeth gnarring together as a frown yanked at her lips.

"Hans, what the Hell are you doing here?" Elsa hissed angrily upon seeing the boy.

The auburn-haired Junior sauntered up to the woman, hands resting within his coat pockets, expression as cool as the frosty air. "Free country. I could stop by and wish my friends on the team well. After all, once my grades are up I'll be back on it soon enough anyway."

Elsa growled, eyeing the man down. "Cut the lies. Even if the court sided with you, the university is making sure that you'll never be on this team again after what you did to Anna."

The boy smiled languidly. "Ah. That's right. After the hearing, Anna did mention she finally told you the truth. About time she manned up. Someone's gotta be the pants in your relationship after all. I mean, she's been hiding that from you for what? Months?"

The words lingered inside her head. 'After the hearing'? They spoke? About what? Was there anything else? Anna had not been forthright about anything new to have transpired. Kristoff hadn't mentioned anything offhandedly either. Though, it's not exactly like Elsa had been mentally present this last week. Was Anna afraid to say something? Was it anything significant? Is he just lying to mess with her right now, planting seeds of doubt? She'd not let her eyes leave his face, though he'd become all but a blur as she wondered.

He watched her face, appearing pleased with the response and then tilted his head, coy. "Oh no. Do I sense trust issues?"

Blinking to clarity, Elsa felt a heavy stone sink in her stomach, but she sneered at his accusation. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Please, you two were as subtle as when you coerced Belle to be with you." He shrugged his shoulder at Elsa's exasperated expression, so frustrated at needing to continue to dispel this myth. "I wonder how long this little honeymoon period of yours will last now that rowing is involved. Wasn't that what did you in last time? Letting crew run your relationship, or, was it vice versa?" He smirked, purposely toeing that line which Elsa constantly found herself on, questioning herself constantly. "Didn't you learn that you can't have both the way you want? Besides," He raised an eyebrow, teeth glinting. "From what I watched today, winning is obviously still more important if you're now willing to put your partner's safety in danger.."

That made her heart clench. Try as she might, no matter how steadfast she had been, she couldn't hold his gaze at that observation. Her eyes tore away and she turned heavily on her heel. "You don't know anything. Just leave us alone," she said gruffly, guilt weighing down and making her legs feel sluggish. She moved off in the direction of the busy docks, hoping to get mixed into a mass of people, just to escape from this conversation.

"I could tell it the moment you didn't start your usual sprint," Hans said with a smirk, taking a few steps after her; the feeling that Hans had analyzed her performance in the past close enough to make this claim made her skin want to crawl. "Something held you back today. And I wonder what it could have possibly been." His forcibly demure sounding voice irritated her to no end.

She continued to march ahead of him. Not wishing to give him the satisfaction of reading her expression.

"But, you surprised me. Well, in a way. In another, I guess I'm not really surprised at all," he said, stopping; the action garnering Elsa to do the same. "Here, I actually thought you cared about Anna and her well-being enough to sacrifice a win."

How dare he! That did it. White sneakers halted mid-step with a hard stomp, slowly drawing together to stand firmly. It was exactly what the red-haired man wanted her to do. She knew that. But she could not let him continue.

"I do care," she hissed through clamped teeth, fists clenching at her sides as she continued to face away from the Junior boy.

With hands tucked behind his back, he took a daring step toward the blonde's back.

"Well, I do believe caring for someone was what got you into so much trouble before too." He snaked his way slowly around her body, keeping his gaze forward toward the docks. "But I guess the drive for your selfish wins and competitions are still most important to you. I mean, you'd even risk your partner's physical safety..." he said, dipping his jaw to speak closely near her ear. His hot breath mingling against her cold skin sent goose-bumps down her arms; one of the few times the cold ever bothered her. "Above all else, you'd even sacrifice pure little Anna, who, by the way, unconditionally wants nothing more than to make you happy, just to get what you want. A stepping stone. A means to an end."

The whole monologue almost made her eyes role if only they hadn't been squeezed shut so hard. Hans' words were.. ugh, they were wrong.. so wrong! None of that was true at all! Anna meant so much to her. She.. she meant the world. Goodness, Anna had come to mean everything. Way too much to ever do something like that!

Don't listen. He's doing this on purpose. He's spoken to you like this before, Elsa. Manipulating and misconstruing reality.

She tried to inhale, to regain a sense of control at his obviously false accusations, wanting to spit back the truth; tell him off once and for all. Leave him weakened and defeated. To show him she was stronger than he assumed, and it was all thanks to Anna. Alas, the breath of courage got caught in her throat as it tightened, lump now forming as a small trickle of adrenaline seeped into her blood. Unless.. she was being too blinded by her feelings, more than sacrificing her responsibility of looking out for Anna, but also unaware of her actual actions.. No, that couldn't be right.. right? No. Stop it. Stop listening to him! But that lump still got tighter, breath quickening, eyes shut painfully tight as her mouth started to go dry.

"You could have stopped this whole thing from happening, let Anna enjoy her college years without taking the brunt of your issues. And now she's hurt.. because of you." His voice was confident, driving the nail of truth hard into her heart. "Do both of yourselves a favor. Stop being the selfish monster you are, or simply accept that you'll only ever hurt Anna."

There was a sense of fear in her heart as the nail pierced straight through, combating with the hate she harbored for this young man. She turned and glared, fire ablaze in her eyes; fists trembling at her sides. "Don't you dare act like you care about her!" Though her voice remained at a contained decibel, the venom was biting, coating every syllable; tremor of her tightened jaw barely disguisable.

"No." He drew a bored, disinterested gaze as lids partially closed over those hazel eyes. "Don't you act like you care about her, or Belle, or anyone, more than you care about yourself."

That was enough.

Whatever control that she had somehow maintained during this interaction was all but lost. Her arm acted on its own accord; like a viper, striking its target powerfully with spot-on precision. The poignant thud rang in her ears. The nerves of her knuckles screamed upon the recoiling shock, reverberating up her forearm and into her shoulder. But the pain was so worth it as she watched the auburn-haired boy stumble back, bending toward the ground with his hand flying to his eye.

He hissed through his clenched teeth, taking a second to regain his bearings. "Bitch.." he breathed aggressively, still clutching his face while squinting back up to the heaving blonde; the area around his eye already reddening and showing the early signs of swelling. With a sick smirk, he snarled. "You'll just ruin her. You better to be ready to live with that." Standing back up, just a few inches above her eye level, he whispered, "You're a monster who may as well be as bad as me."

"I'm nothing like you, you psychotic bastard," she whispered harshly back, spitting out the derogatory term so uncharacteristically yet still finding it insufficient to express the energy surging through her. Hans just chuckled, airily waving off the discussion, as if making a show for the growing number of onlookers who were concerned about the confrontation that had developed. Elsa did not care. She would be the last one standing in this verbal battle.

As the boy strode away and blended into the crowd of people, shoulders square and high, Elsa felt her own eventually slump; the weight of Hans' words bearing down on her with heaving guilt finally allowed to pummel her barely managing defenses. She looked back to the infirmary area where she knew the hurt girl sat tucked safely beneath blankets, being waited on by their teammates, resting her injury. An injury brought on by Elsa's faulty responsibility in their race preparations, and then exacerbated by her arbitrary drive to win. Anna was hurt because Elsa's indulgence of her emotions made her weak and, simultaneously fueled her will to overpower the competition, to take back a ranking title that was ripped from her, which was rightfully hers-

She exhaled, feeling the air in her lungs dissipate and leave her momentarily breathless as she struggled to find her physical balance, sidestepping to grasp a nearby railing and her knees quivered.

Hers.

She had caused Anna to be hurt because of this stupid goal. She was selfish. More than that.

The word that she hated, was burdened to bear and forced to live through, now spun in her mind; peeking through the door she had long ago locked to hide it away. But it was coming back, still haunting her; its black tendrils wrapping around and consuming her.

Monster.

…

The air felt chillier that day, for whatever reason. Saturday's sunshine above the race course perhaps gave an illusion of spring's slow thawing. It did not last once they had returned to Arendelle though. The frost in the air was palpable and almost seemed to follow the weary-minded, once Nationally recognized rower.

Elsa briskly walked into the quiet of the residential campus, stealthily maneuvering herself around the outskirts, taking by far the longest roundabout route to the Athletics' Center. The most direct path from her apartment would have taken her past several dormitories, one in particular which she wanted to stay out of visibility of.

As her heeled boots clicked on the slate stoned patio approaching her destination's entry, she felt her coat pocket vibrate briefly. In a subconscious response, her left hand clutched tightly against her small gym bag, slung over her shoulder in place of her usual satchel; she could barely feel the groaning ache of her knuckles while doing so. The phone stayed tucked away in her pocket. It was only when she had made it into the building, tapping her student ID through the gates, and making her way downstairs to the Athletic Center's locker rooms, that her phone buzzed again.

As she changed into her workout gear, Elsa stared ahead at the concrete blocks of the wall, blankly, only tearing the gaze away to put away her belongings in a purple painted locker. Another buzz. She paused, slowly tilting part of her phone's screen out of the jacket pocket; tapping the unlock button at the top to illuminate the screen. There were still multiple text alerts, all unread, and of course, all from the same sender. The rower tapped the power button again, shoving her phone away and closing her things inside the locker.

She didn't even notice the slight growl that passed her lips as she marched toward the Erg room, brows furrowed; the frustration in her mind mounting.

She knew she shouldn't be ignoring the younger girl. Stressing her. Especially now as she was in recovery from an injury from the day before.

As soon as the bus had returned home, Anna had been instructed to attend the Residential Health Center to take care of her knee. Although also accompanied by her friends, Elsa felt this overbearing pressure the entire time, as if she would say something, would do something, and the situation would worsen. She usually prided herself on her ability to maintain a stoicism that anyone could envy, but Anna had spoken up, saying she was okay to stay with Rapunzel and that Elsa (and Kristoff) could head back to their off-campus apartments instead of having to wait so late. Elsa knew it was a well-disguised excuse; that Anna was well aware of Elsa's discomfort, but the blonde took the out, appreciative to exit the waiting area the same moment that she saw the Sports Medicine therapist coming back with a crutch. Such a coward.

She lightly shook her head with a few blinks to rid the all too recent memory.

The texts from late last night and throughout today had been piling up, and Elsa had completely stopped even opening the messages by breakfast time. Right now, the sheer thought of having to confront Anna alone meant Elsa would need to acknowledge what had happened. To hear Anna ask why, how she could do a thing like that to her! Elsa's stomach kept churning. She could not sleep. She could not sit still. She was terrified. It was so much easier to keep this to herself. Contain it.

Let it fester.

She shook her head again, much more roughly this time, a hand flying to her temple. No. She just had to keep away for a little while. The alone time will allow her to devise the perfect plan that she knew was located somewhere in her excellent problem-solving mind, the one she had been toiling over for weeks, but it was there, and.. and...

The light in the empty Erg room was clicked on; distant high pitched whir of fluorescent lights flickering overhead. The basement room's air was stagnant, familiar; reminiscent of daily morning workouts over the winter, and hundreds of extra training hours more collected through the years. She stood in the doorway as the power of the faintest of sounds filled the room.

Reverently, she stepped toward the front row of machines, long fingers touching the molded plastic of each small black screen as she went. This was the leading row of ergs, one which her coach had always insisted she sit in to lead and motivate her teammates to strive for greatness. Hah. That was her 'Once Upon a Time' moment. Not anymore. It seemed miles away from her secluded spot in the far corner; away from prying or judging eyes, the teammates who would never know more than the inflated superficial story of her or her past. People who could judge her. People who could pity her. People who could express malicious jealousy over her power, which they themselves merely envied.

But when distanced, those whispered words and upturned glances were harder to perceive, and living in quiet ignorance was heaven-sent salvation.

She only allowed herself these front row seats when she was alone, where no one could watch her precision, or if Anna was there. Her Doubles partner. The only person she ever let sit beside her nowadays. Because on the water, their seats designated responsibility; Stroke seat's pace and Bow seat's steering. However, when it came to time training, strength training, mental training, she wanted them together. Side-by-side. Equal. Because they were only as strong as their culminated weakest part.

It took just a moment of reverie before she was settling down on one of these seats. Alone. Again.

As her hands gripped the smooth rubber handle, and she found herself easily falling into the ever rhythmic motions of the stroke, she let her mind unwind; concealed feelings and thoughts released and allowed to wander unbridled in search of answers.

Meters accumulated on her screen. Her split time was steady and comfortable, not varying more than 2 seconds up or down per stroke as long contemplative minutes rolled on.

As the hour's first quarter came and went, she felt herself let out a harsh breath of frustration as her lips parted for the first time. There were no words to put out an apology grand enough. There was no perfectly devised plan. No evidence that could convince her that pros of being with Anna outweighed the cons. Nothing. She had absolutely nothing.

I thought I could make this work. Her head lulled to her shoulder for two strokes, feeling her arms tense up slightly when she sat up tall again. I really did.

Sad longing embraced her heart. It had all been so wonderful. She almost hated to remember it, the physical ache coming with it, but there were the most fleeting of moments that ticked into her head where she thought that maybe, just maybe, that in the absolute stretch of possibility, she could put Anna in her future. She could have Anna with her, at her side, so close and comfortable. That everything thing would fit together, falling into place like some nicely rearranged puzzle as long as she gave it enough time.

She would never confess these drifting and altogether whimsical ideas because she knew that's all they ever were and would be; thoughts of pure whimsy. Nothing had changed or become of it. Everything was the same. If anything, the forceful pressure of all these aspects pressed against one another was breaking, cracking, and slowly crumbling all that she'd built in her life. And under this pressure, she wasn't compartmentalizing anymore. Each problem was escaping, rearing an ugly face as it tried to dominate her daily activities and monopolize her mental resources. Goodness, she was a fool to even try!

Almost unknowingly, she pressed her legs down harder, arms drawing to her torso firmly. Her body was responding in kind to her escalating thoughts. After a few shortened, powerful strokes, she could feel her blood steadily start to flow stronger through her limbs and torso. Blue eyes glanced at the meters on her screen and she frowned with a conviction.

In an instant, she slowed her pace to stop, coming up the slide to program the buttons on her screen. 2000m. She poised herself, heart still rapidly beating in her chest as her muscles twitched. Ached for escape. One which she sought desperately through immersion in physical action. She was off in an instant, no hesitation nor plan. She just had to move. She had to be... Just be.

It was not even halfway through this piece that she heard it.

Slow steps, drawing nearer; louder.

Metallic click matching with every other step.

The adrenaline flooding her muscles suddenly shot to her brain; sensation of gut-wrenching collapse nearly leaving her winded amidst her fast-paced motions as primal fight or flight response took hold.

The looming human presence was overwhelmingly distracting as a young gaze looked on from the wide doorway. On an average day, any person watching her performing a 2k drew the focus out of her. She hated people staring, gawking, judging. Never this person before, though. Not this one particular person who she loved having at her side. Yet, now.. this person, too? The realization hurt her already thudding heart. It hurt too much.

In one of the rarest and weakest moments in her entire rowing career, Elsa groaned painfully, letting the erg's handle slip from her sweaty grasp, clattering loudly against the machine's catch. Pale, muscled arms gathered around her knees as she scrunched herself up, pulling in tight as she breathed heavily and raggedly, not even caring that it was practically sacrilegious to abandon a race piece with more than a quarter distance to go.

"You can't even finish a race? Never let your mind get the better of you!" Words from ages ago, ringing in her ears just as loudly as the memories from earlier had, pounding in her skull, syllables pronounced by each throbbing pulse of her beating heart. "It's weakness. How can you expect to race a Single if you can't keep yourself together?"

Between the berating, she could feel the aura of the other sit down carefully on the erg seat beside her.

There was silence around them, even as noise cluttered the blonde's mind.

Cautiously, a timid voice finally ventured to break the thickness hanging around them; speaking over the other voice. "You're really the only person I know who'd attempt a 2k the day after a race." There was such a soft playfulness in that feminine voice, despite concern and question running beneath it like a secret stream. It was a unique feat not many people could complete, but then again, Anna was not like most people.

Elsa lifted her head, not yet looking to the new arrival. Instead, she stared at the square screen in front of her, trying to ignore the numbers which were honestly so absolutely arbitrary. Numbers, today, that were way too high to ever represent her abilities revealed absolutely about her rowing strength. She was so strong, she could crush those numbers. She had crushed them.

But now. With 800 meters still on the screen.

And a blinking split number of 7:01..

The number. That damned number. She hated it. Every time she saw it she was transported back.. Gosh, she was so over this! She'd beaten this! All of those times. The darkness. No. She felt it creeping around her. But, that couldn't be happening. Anna was here. Anna had always been her guiding light. Why not now? Anna's ever giving and providing strength always pulled Elsa through. Anna was the one who made her stronger. Anna made her better. Like Flynn had said.

She swallowed hard.

"It's okay that you couldn't finish. You still did great, especially since you must be super tired from yesterday," Anna said softly with an earnest smile, pride shining in her eyes. The girl must have done a good job reading Elsa's face, though no one could really be surprised at that. She placed her hand over Elsa's knee, giving it a comforting squeeze, though the action went largely unnoticed as glossy blue eyes stared forward. "We'll train harder, together!"

Although those were Anna's actual words, Elsa's brain, still trapped in the haze of the past, misconstrued the meaning; marring them into something sinister. Cold harshness replaced the warm welcoming voice, turning the words against her.

"You aren't strong enough."

But Anna makes her stronger.

"You have to be better."

Anna makes her better.

"You'll never be good enough unless you train harder."

"Hey," came the soft voice once more, dropping to a whisper beside her. Anna's face peeked in front of her own, startling blue eyes from their trance; echoing snide remarks silencing as Elsa was forced to make eye-contact with Anna for the first time since her unexpected arrival. A soft whisper followed. "Come back."

There it was again. The things in her head making themselves known once more. And Anna seemed to know.. to some small degree, potentially. The girl always knew how to get her back into the present. Elsa screwed her eyes shut. But she shouldn't have to. She shouldn't be responsible for this! No one should. This is my problem. Why am I relying on her? It's cruel!

There was a rubbing hand now on her tight shoulder, the contact the only thing loosening her eyes to open again. The silence of the erg room sounded alarmingly deafening, especially accompanied with the worried face presented to her. The worried face of her teammate.

Teammate..

Of course it had come down to that. It was inevitable. She had known from the very start that it would come to this. Showing emotion was weak. It destroyed people; destroyed any sort of relationships. Losing those you hold dearest due to another undying passion. The spirit of competition became a fiery abyss of discombobulated and interfering feelings. One could only break the other person, leaving everyone in the wake of disaster; expressing the desire to win, overpowering the sweetness of care, while giving up the win for that sweet satisfaction.. It could only start the festering evil of disdain for the other person. The person who was coming between you and preventing you from excelling to what you want. The two passions, when coming together, acting like star-crossed lovers, were impossible to be. Impossible to separate them. To find the balance.

She had tried so hard; exhausted every option! Why couldn't she figure out the solution to this problem after all this time? What was she missing? She felt like she was just re-living the same event, same issue, over and over and over and-

Something struck at her heart; icy, cold, piercing.

Realization.

It's not that it can't be done. It's not my inability to balance rowing, or academia, or us. It's just.. me. Her eyes steadily rose to the ones in front of her, staring unblinkingly. I'm the one that's broken. I'm messed up. I'm the problem.

Those sparkling teal eyes that were staring up at her, filled with untouched innocence, pure as the fallen snow, filled with trust and ever welcoming. They could only be marred and ruined, hurt by Elsa's conflicting passions while she wielded mental instability so powerful that she herself could not even control.

Her eyes fell to the black brace covering the smaller woman's knee, helping to heal the strained muscle; something that could have been easily prevented if she'd been firm to have Anna warm up before the race instead of indulging it such peacefulness prior. Below, the silver crutch laid at Anna's feet. That disgusting symbol, unable to ignore, constantly reminding the blonde of how she had put rowing first even after she'd put Anna in that weakened state to start with. God dammit is that all she cared about? Anna continuously saved her from herself, all for what? For Elsa to abuse her? Take advantage of her unwavering, giving, strong support?

Oh God. This was what they meant.. What they all said about me and Belle.. it was true.

Monster.

Monster.

Monster.

Anna deserved better!

I can't do this. Not to you.

Her heart thudded, dully, in her chest. The sensation of utterly being present at all suddenly felt overwhelming.

"I have to go," she said under breath, too besieged by her consuming thoughts even as she mumbled the hoarse words. She could feel the confused stare that tracked her every movement as she hurriedly grabbed her water bottle, forcing her weakened legs to get her out of the erg room as quick as possible. Elsa's hand had just begun opening the door to the hallway when she heard the redhead finally shout out for her to wait.

She didn't.

Run. It's what she was best at. Everyone knew that.

She kept up her pace, trajectory toward the exiting stairwell, forgoing the locker room. Hell, she would settle on any place else in the world at that given moment. The patter and scuffle of stumbling feet and the click of metal was heard behind her and she screwed her eyes shut in almost physical pain at the sound; reminded immediately of what fate she'd brought upon her partner.

Not an instant later, Anna grabbed her wrist. She didn't grip hard, nor pull Elsa back, but the blonde's momentum caused her to jolt back, inadvertently spinning face to face with that confused freckled one. Pristine, white sneakers jumped back a step, increasing the space between them. The action only caused a flash of hurt to cross Anna's face and she released her hold on the pale arm. That expression caused Elsa to immediately throw her eyes to the floor, gut churning. I'm doing it again. Stop hurting her you monster..!

"Are you feeling alright?" the bow seat rower asked, voice now fraught with concern, looking the blonde over for signs of ailment after the erg piece. When her analysis for injury came up negative, she tilted her head. Elsa knew the younger woman was looking right through her façade now. "Elsa, what's wrong?"

It didn't take a spoken answer for Anna to understand where the woman's plaguing thoughts had traveled back to again. It's not like she hadn't been allowed private glimpses throughout their friendship, whether intentional or not. And Elsa's shut eyes told it all.

The young woman let out a sad breath, having to address this stuck record of a problem. "Are we talking about this again? Please, Elsa. I'm not sure what I feel, either. I mean, yeah, I do. But it's all so new.. and so amazing.." Anna's eyes momentarily faltered and fell to the ground, mimicking Elsa's own behavior, before picking them back up and locking on to Elsa's hidden face. "But despite that, I can't keep waiting either. I need to hear it. Tell me you feel the same; that you want more for us, too. A real relationship. A future. Together." There was no question in her voice. It was a direct order.

The girl standing before her just sighed, weakly. She felt her heart thud heavily against her chest, an aching inclination to answer 'yes, I agree' left in its wake. That could not happen. Not after her newfound knowledge. "Stop it, Anna." She shook her head and crossed her arms, characteristically pulling into herself; a heavy stone wall beginning to erect between them. "Just stop.."

"No. I want this. What we have now is so..." Her breath hitched with a short sigh, as if struggling to find the words to best describe the situation. She settled. "I want us to work, Elsa. Just be honest with me about what you're feeling. Something's obviously wrong! You're hurting, and it's driving me crazy that I don't know why. I don't know what to do about it." Of course Anna could read right through her. She read her like an open, preschool level picture book. Sea green eyes began to glisten, almost glittering like the waning sun over the ocean waves. Pleading."Let me help!"

The taller rower sighed once more and rolled her eyes in pure exasperation. "Fine, Anna, if you must hear it, then yes. I like you, so goddamn much that it's maddening. And I have liked you for a long time." She accentuated every syllable while she spoke. She almost laughed but her throat was too tight for anything other than a measly choked breath. "A really, really long time. Do you understand?" She watched as Anna's breath caught in her throat at the confession. Surely she was now processing that information, but Elsa didn't wait to deal with that. She couldn't let Anna's hope rise. Not with what she was about to say. Not now. The blonde's tense shoulders fell, eyes still averted to the ground. Her voice was uncomfortably thick. "But I can't.. We can't happen. At all. Ever."

Anna took a daring step forward, hands reaching out toward the blonde's elbows as she managed to cradle the crutch under her arm, tan fingers barely grazing impossibly soft porcelain skin as they moved. She laughed weakly, unsure of the Senior rower's meaning. "But, see, I don't get why-"

"-we just can't!"

Elsa spun her back to the redhead, maneuvering away from any contact that Anna attempted to bridge between them; contact that would have surely set her nerves a flame and have melted her into the useless puddle she found herself becoming. It would not solve anything if she were to cave right now. Just continue this vicious cycle.

Her shoulders were once again scrunched up to her collar, laden breathing sounding almost ragged. She clenched her fists. The excuse. She'd play the weakest excuse card once more. So easily, she hid behind her semi-truthful rationale, veiling anything of depth far, far away in the deep reaches of her psyche; her always prepared defensive excuse for every little inconvenience. Her voice was timid, quaking terribly, barely audible in the tense moment.

"I-I don't date teammates.. I've told you that, repeatedly, because I-I-" I'm irresponsible. I hurt people. I'm dangerous. I'm selfish. I'm broken. You're selfless. You're perfect. You're precious. I love-

Her thoughts slammed to a halt with that last piece of information highlighted at the forefront of her mind. That solidified the finality in her resolve. Yes. It was the responsible thing to do, for both of them. She would not take her role, older and wiser, for granted anymore. She had vowed, promised herself this, that she would do anything if it was in Anna's best interest. She turned her head to the side, barely able to catch the beautiful freckled face of the younger woman in her peripheral sight.

"We're done."

Anna watched and listened carefully. She let out a taxed sigh, her confidence from minutes ago slipping away. "Okay.. If that's what you want.." Her voice involuntarily trembled, similarly matching Elsa's. It was obvious across her face that she was wounded at the new coldness coming from a heart so recently warmed. "I guess I'll.. just go."

With a lightly freckled hand coming up close to her small chest, the young woman turned and began hobbling toward the stairs; pace so lethargically slow. The girl's gaze remained on the floor the entire time. And it was apparent that nothing was going to take her attention away. It seemed to be all that was holding Anna together in that moment. Tears welled in her cyan eyes and Elsa could tell that she was refusing to look back.

Yet, had Anna dared that look back, just for the briefest of glances, she'd have seen the pair of dark blue eyes acutely following her retreating form, as well as the hand reaching up to brush away a silent tear; the trail of glistening wetness tattooed on flushed porcelain cheek. As Elsa stared at the all too soon empty doorway, she closed her eyes tight, bringing her knuckles to her teeth where she literally bit back a whimper just as her composure crumbled under her chosen isolation.

Just like that, with fear winning in the battle of her mind and heart, their forward progress stopped. All it took was that one instant of panic, and then the running momentum was lost. Like a racing boat; halted and left to drift away in the darkness of the waves, stopping before crossing the threshold of the finish. Stopped still.

Forget about stasis; from the beginning, it had been a mistake on Elsa's part. It was a race they were never meant to finish.

The tides had changed.

-End Chapter 27-

A.N. I fixed a typo in this chapter and then lost my author note. Can't remember what it said exactly. BUT next chapter goes back to Anna's POV!

Happy reading :)