It’s how we live our lives that influence the people around us.

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I drove my fair share of hand-me-down cars when I was an undergrad during the 1990s at University of the Pacific in Stockton, California. I didn’t mind. The cars were free to me, and they usually got me from Point A to Point B—usually. One of my most memorable cars was the short-lived Ford Econoline my dad bought from my Uncle Gene for $1. I loved this van when I was a kid. Riding it in as a 7-year old made me feel like I was on The A-Team!

The van was set up to be a mini-camper when my Uncle Gene and Aunt Mary used it for road trips. The kitchenette was still there, but not functioning. The sofa in the back was still there. The shag carpet was now moldy shag carpet, but my memories of the A-Team theme song made it all okay. Parking was scarce around my dorm, so I would park my van in the next closest parking lot behind the sorority houses.

On one cold December evening, I had to call the campus Public Safety officers to give my van a jump start one cold December evening so I could return home for the holidays. There were some additional questions that came with the jumpstart, maybe a quick background check, and a of some of the same questions. Then it all clicked for me. To me, it was The A-Team van. To everyone else, it was a creepy looking van with a sofa/bed and shag carpet behind the sorority houses!

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My van had been reported a number of times to Public Safety by the women from those dormitories. Since the van was linked to my student profile, Public Safety simply placed the vehicle on their watch list. Part of the privilege that comes from being a man is that I don’t have to worry about creepy old vans parked behind an all-female dormitory.

Even though I cleared the truth with campus police, it didn’t really matter. For months, women lived with a different and scary reality that I inadvertently created by where I chose to park my van. Perception matters.

Perception Matters in Marriage

I am madly in love with my wife, Olivia. I feel it everyday. She is loving, respectful, and I am happy to spend my life with her. It doesn’t go unnoticed that she does a lot of things for me like laundry, taking the kids to school, manage the finances, bring me breakfast or lunch on the weekends when I’m in a blogging groove, and so on. There is a lot I don’t have to do because it brings her joy to do it for me.

If I take Olivia for granted (and it does happen from time to time,) my way of showing my love becomes, “I’m still here, aren’t I?” approach to marriage. Her perception shifts to, “He doesn’t appreciate what I do. Does he still love me?”

It takes effort to be sure that my love for Olivia is perceived by her. That means things like putting down my phone when it’s just the two of us, sounding cheerful rather than inconvenienced when she asks a favor of me, and asking her out on dates as if we haven’t been married for the past thirteen years.

Your spouse will know that you love her because you have made every effort that she clearly perceives that you love her.

Perception Matters in Fatherhood

Jacob and Emma, my children, constantly remind me of how it is never what I tell them to do that leaves an impact on their lives. It is how I am living my life they notice. They notice how I speak to Olivia. They notice whether or not I live up to my promises. They notice whether I spend time with them, or if I spend time with my work. I don’t know how, but they also would notice if I arrived at a school function late. I stopped showing up late. Children perceive a lot, and what they perceive becomes their reality.

Perception matters in sales, and it matters in relationships. As men of the 21st Century, we must be aware of the perception our actions are truly creating in the eyes of those who see what we do.

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Photo: Flickr/Bernard Schwartz