Everybody can calm down now. It turns out we’ve been looking at this whole socialism thing all wrong. See, when socialists say they want to do away with private property, they don’t actually mean they want to do away with the kind of private property that’s private and property.

Here, let the official Socialist Party Twitter account explain:

When socialism brings an end to ‘private property’, that does NOT mean your personal possessions and belongings, or your house or car, would be taken. It is only property used now for the purpose of exploiting others (the means of production) that will become collective property. pic.twitter.com/h9L3K2sBKq — The Socialist Party (@OfficialSPGB) May 26, 2019

It’s all good! Just don’t exploit others and you’ll get to keep all your stuff! That’s what real socialism is, guys. You know, the kind that’s never been tried.

You keep using the word socialism but I don’t think you know what it means. https://t.co/smDSYd9boH — ThomRog1621 (@ThomRog1621) May 27, 2019

Don’t worry — they know what it means. They’ll just never be honest about it.

Because of that guy, they’re all employed. — HispanoChucky (@HispanoChucky) May 26, 2019

…on the lowest wage the boss can get away with paying them. — The Socialist Party (@OfficialSPGB) May 26, 2019

Quality employees will find a new home. Useless employees seek out Socialism. — HispanoChucky (@HispanoChucky) May 26, 2019

"Quality employees will find a new home." Except the capitalist class as a whole are all the same in wanting to employ workers and pay them the lowest-possible wage or salary that they can get away with, so as to extract the maximum amount of profit. — The Socialist Party (@OfficialSPGB) May 26, 2019

The capitalist class has generated more employers Abusive employers lose quality employees to quality employers in a capitalist class. Useless employees get treated as such in any governing class You may not see this, nor understand it, because you yourself may be the latter — HispanoChucky (@HispanoChucky) May 26, 2019

Oh, snap!

So no property will be taken then. Got it ??? — Joe Sanders (@joesanders33) May 27, 2019

There will be collective property, that is the means of producing goods and services that society needs (industries, natural resources, railways etc). And there will also be personal property, that is various things which people need and which have been taken freely from shops. — The Socialist Party (@OfficialSPGB) May 27, 2019

“Taken freely from shops.”

Socialism’s thesis starts with theft. Those businesses were built through hard work, designing products people wanted, improving over time to compete and get better. Socialism can only steal & will never figure out the millions of things needed to be produced. No toilet paper… — Frank Blazey (@frankblaze) May 27, 2019

"Socialism can only steal" As usual, an admirer of capitalist greed and selfishness blames socialism for doing what capitalism actually does. pic.twitter.com/yyoNINoS7A — The Socialist Party (@OfficialSPGB) May 27, 2019

There they go again … when socialism doesn’t deliver the goods, so to speak, it’s because capitalism messed everything up.

This is good. Here is a follow up. What is the plan for 401k retirement funds? Stocks are partial ownership of the means of production, but people who want to retire before their body is too broken to enjoy retirement are counting on those stocks to keep them afloat. — Landon_Packrat (@Landon_Caragas) May 26, 2019

When there is socialism, money will ceases to exist. There is no need for money when people then have free access to whatever goods and services that they need. — The Socialist Party (@OfficialSPGB) May 26, 2019

Allllrighty then.

Will you refund people after stealing from them? And it sounds like what you plan is far worse than these made up owners you pretend exist, but do not. — #PornBlock (@porncard1) May 26, 2019

You’re very confused. Stealing is what capitalists do. Socialism is what will end this profit-driven thievery. pic.twitter.com/8Rn4kQC2NX — The Socialist Party (@OfficialSPGB) May 26, 2019

Huh?

This is the best parody account I've ever found — Andrew (@sabermetrick) May 27, 2019

Honestly, if the Socialist Party didn’t already exist, we’d have to invent them.

It is funny how often you socialists describe your economic calculation problem while denying it exists. Who paid for the machine? Why not just show an endless breadline and a boot stamping on the face of humanity, forever. — Joshua Schmidlkofer (@joshland) May 26, 2019

Tinfoil hat lunacy. — Go Nads! (@great_nads) May 27, 2019

I’m sure that sounds sane in your head. Seek help. — Defiance Lady (@defiance_lady) May 27, 2019