Some scientists fear that climate change may mean extinction for the red hair gene. But don't worry, auburn locks won't be disappearing any time soon

Redheads are here to stay, despite what you may have heard

Name: Redheads.

Age: As old as the recessive gene on Chromosome 16 that induces a mutation in the MC1R protein that results in gingerfication.

Appearance: From pale orange to coppery fire to burnished auburn.

Why are redheads in the news? Is it another Rebekah Brooks thing? No.

Then they're either complaining about being an oppressed minority … No

Or someone has said something about them all becoming extinct in the next 50 years. Bit longer than that, but yes, that's it! How did you know?

People are always saying it. What's the supposed cause this time? Rarity of the gene? Unpopularity in the mating pool? Low takeup among artificial insemination users of sperm donations from carrot-tops? I've heard 'em all. Climate change.

Turns out I haven't heard 'em all. Continue. The theory is that red hair (and blue eyes) evolved in countries with generally bad, cloudy weather to maximise the amount of vitamin D a body could take in. Which is why Scotland, for example, has a 13% redhead-rate compared with a worldwide frequency of just 1-2%.

And so? As Scotland and elsewhere becomes brighter due to climate change …

Redheads razzle to death in the sun? Red hair will result in no advantage and their sensitivity to UV light may make them more prone to skin cancer, resulting in a centuries-long process of breeding out the gene rather than a series of fiery deaths but yes; one way or another – sayonara, Rufus.

I'm no scientist and I hate to be rude but – this sounds so theoretical as to being in peril of stepping over the line into the Land of Complete Nonsense. How dare you! Although…

Yes? Well, we have invented sunscreen. And climate change doesn't necessarily equate to more sun. And most skin cancers occur after your childbearing days are over so there will be nothing preventing the gene reproducing.

Mmm? Inuits have retained their darker skins in even bleaker climes than Scotland so sun can't have much to do with it.

So there's no real story at all, is that right? Pretty much.

Well, I think we've all learned something here today. I'll get my coat.

Do say: Molly Ringwald! Julianne Moore! Damian Lewis!

Don't say: You could dye it brown, you know.

• This article was amended on 16 July 2014 to remove a line which said Dr Alistair Moffat, managing director of ScotlandsDNA, reckoned red hair was on its way out. His BritainsDNA team, which has been studying the frequency of red hair gene variants, has no historic data and therefore no evidence to suggest that red hair is dying out because of climate change. We were rather premature in awarding him a doctorate.