As most of us know, finding the right hair salon and stylist is a trial-and-error process filled with awkward interactions, miscommunication, raised and sometimes dashed hopes, and — at times — questionable hairstyles. But for a transgender or non-binary person, the search for the right hair salon or barbershop can be an even more precarious experience.

They can face a spectrum of responses, and not all of them positive. Well-meaning, but clueless, stylists may ask invasive questions and/or assume an incorrect identity of a person. “Our language is very gendered, so it’s challenging,” says L. Elaine Dutton, trans care services manager at the Mazzoni Center, an LGBTQ-focused health and wellness provider in Philadelphia. She points out that a stylist or salon staffer just asking about what pronouns to use can make a huge difference.

Community organizer Desirée “Dez” Marshall, a self-described [“queer woman of color,”] (http://www.dapperq.com/2015/02/interview-queer-cuts-with-dez-marshall-at-nelsons-barber-shop/) eventually turned her own discouraging experiences at barbershops into a new career as a barber specializing in queer, transgender, and non-binary clientele. “[It was] hard to find a barber who would cut my hair the way I wanted it and wasn’t being a jerk,” she says. “A lot of times, as a woman walking into the barbershop, guys were always asking, why do I have short hair? Do I want the ‘lesbian haircut?’ [Or they asked] me inappropriate questions about my sex life. … I was like, screw this, I’m gonna just cut my own hair.” She eventually earned her barber license and now has her own business doing house visits and giving dope cuts (as she calls them) at The Gamesman in Brooklyn. Her clients there have shared with her some horror stories of their own.

“One person told me how they went and got passed around between different barbers because [the barbers] couldn't guess what the person’s gender was, so they couldn't do their hair,” Dez says. They’ve also told her about not feeling secure enough to communicate their hair goals to stylists and walking out with a “horrible cut” and “dejected” feelings. That’s why she wanted to create a welcoming, nonjudgmental space for her clients to feel confident enough to ask for and receive the haircut they want. “As a queer person of color, I knew what my experience was going into a barbershop: not always feeling so welcomed or even being comfortable enough to talk about what type of hairstyle I want,” she adds.

An additional challenge for Dez: The barbershop holds a longtime tradition of being a community center — and a bit of a traditional, male-dominated one, at that. “[The barbershop is] a neighborhood hub,” she says. “It’s where a lot of people go to just share information, and you can’t do that if you’re ostracizing certain demographics.” At her last barbershop, she found that creating a safe, nonjudgmental haven via her chair became a juggling act. “There were, in my opinion, a lot of side comments that were homophobic and transphobic in nature. There were a lot of comments that came off really misogynist and sexist,” Dez said. “And for me, it was a balance. Because one, I was trying to create a safe space for my community, [but two] within a safe space for another group of folks.”

So she left and, through a referral from her own barber, set up her chair at The Gamesman. Frank, the owner of the old school barbershop in downtown Brooklyn, has been in the business for over 50 years.

“I think I put some pep in his step now,” said Dez, who, by the way, is also a spoken word poet.