WEST LONG BRANCH, NJ—Noting that the notoriously hard-to-predict voting bloc will be critical to success on election day, a Monmouth University poll released Thursday found that the 2018 midterms will likely be decided by Americans who arrive at the community center looking for a pottery class. “Data from past elections clearly indicate that approximately 25 percent of midterm voters initially show up at elementary schools, churches, or community centers in order to participate in adult education classes,” said lead researcher Matthew Ellis, noting that these voters generally trend older, are more likely to be financially secure, and share a moderate to serious interest in expanding their wheel throwing skills. “The balance of power in the House, and perhaps the Senate, will likely come down to how many people arrive at their polling place looking for real-world answers about glazing techniques. These are voters who want to know: Is my instructor sick? Why is the gym full of folding tables? Am I going to be able to make my coffee mug next week? Whichever party can give them the answers they need is going to have a really great night.” Ellis acknowledged that turnout among the notoriously unpredictable prenatal yoga demographic would be election night’s biggest question mark.

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