Sir/Madam, we are a country of fools

Respected Sir/Madam,

Yesterday in the morning I went to nearby supermarket to purchase some food items. And young boy who is cashier said uncle sorry but I have to show you one WhatsApp video. It is amazing. He took his phone and showed me video of Japanese people cleaning football stadium after football match. I said, “Oh very good.” He said, “Sir, what culture these Japanese people are having.”

Then after breakfast Mrs. Mathrubootham said, “Old man, whether you can go to Post Office and send some documents to my brother via registered post?”

I said, “Why not? I have no engagements.” So I went to Post Office and stood in queue. In front of me was Mrs. D’Costa from 7th floor. She was sending some examination form for her son. “How are you, Mathrubootham,” she asked?

“Perfectly fine,” I said. “Little bit bored. Nothing to do, no new novels, no new DVD.”

“Shall I show you something,” she asked?

I said, “Why not?” Queue is moving more slowly than Adoor Gopalakrishnan film. She took her phone and showed me video of Japanese people cleaning football stadium after football match. “Look at this, Mr. Mathrubootham,” she said. “This is real cultured people.”

I said, “Oh very good.”

For lunch Mrs Mathrubootham and myself had previous day sambar with previous day idli. “You are very quiet today,” Mrs. Mathrubootham said. “Is everything ok, old man?”

I said, “I am perfectly fine, I am just thinking what to do next. New book or new DVD or something new I need. There is no excitement in life.”

She said, “I know how to give you excitement. Have you seen this WhatsApp video on my phone?” She took out her phone and showed me video of Japanese people cleaning football stadium after football match. “Old man, have you ever seen anything like this before?” she said. “Culture means like this, not just throwing garbage here and there.”

I said, “Oh very good video.”

Around 3 p.m. I said enough is enough, time to go to nearby bookstall and purchase some new book. How long I can just sit at home and do nothing like some money plant. So I went to one nearby book shop and purchased few items. Then I stopped at Ganga Sweets on the way back for some refreshments. I was quietly sitting and eating ras malai and reading one Robert Harris novel when suddenly Dr. Shankaramenon came and sat opposite. “Hello Mathru, why you are alone? Any problem?”

I said, “No problem. Just enjoying a new book, what news you tell me. If you call me Mathru again I will stab straight in your liver with this spoon.”

“Oh no news,” he said. “But latest WhatsApp video is amazing have you seen?”

I said, “Are you talking about Japanese football stadium video? I have seen it three million times, if somebody shows me one more time I will put official complaint at Japanese embassy in Teynampet.”

“Ha ha ha,” Dr. Shankaramenon said. “That and all Jambavan period video. Latest video is this one. You see it you will not believe it.”

Sir/ Madam, I took the phone from his hand and saw video of Japanese children cleaning their own school. From top to bottom. Amazing video. “This is the real culture Mathrubootham,” he said, “not dancing and singing and watching cricket.”

Afterwards I saw the same video of Japanese children. In barber shop, mobile phone shop when I went to pay bill, Mohammed Usman’s house and even on TV during some nonsense news programme.

Sir/ Madam, I thought enough is enough. Country of fools. So I have made one new video. In this WhatsApp video you can see Indians watching videos of other people doing good work. Whether any other country in the world has such tremendous culture of appreciating other people’s work instead of doing our own work? Never. In other countries people will say what nonsense Japanese people cleaned stadium means I should stop everything and watch video? But not in India. In India we are always free to watch videos of other cultures doing good things. Amazing.

Sir/ Madam, if you share phone number I will send video. Please share with all your friends immediately if you are true patriot who loves India. Also at the end there is a secret way of avoiding cancer using hot water, orange juice and coconut shell. Please share that also.

Yours in exasperation with national stupidity,

J. Mathrubootham