Aston Villa fans have reacted with fury to news that Villa Park has been renamed the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Arena’. The sale of the naming rights to butter merchants Unilever marks the end of 120 years as Villa Park.

Fortress

“I’m not going to sit here like butter wouldn’t melt,” Villa manager Steve Bruce told Soccer on Sunday. “The fans aren’t happy, but it’s our job now to make the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Arena a fortress. We want other teams thinking, oh no, we’re at the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Arena next Sunday. That buttery hellhole. We’ll get now’t out of those slippery buggers.”

“The fans will settle down once word of the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Arena spreads,” added the former Hull manager. “And I can only toast the owners for bringing in more cheddar. That’s not me trying to butter them up, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know which side my bread is buttered on.”

Fans

Jack O’Brien, season ticket holder at the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Arena, feels that the name change is a mistake.

“My stomach churns when I think about it,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “It’s nothing personal towards ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’. I can’t get enough of that yellow gunk. Sometimes I even smear it on the missus, if she’s been at the sherry and is feeling frisky. But I don’t believe that football and butter should be mixed. Not ever. I’ve lived my life by that one rule.”

Grealish

Midfielder Jack Grealish insists that the controversy won’t become a distraction.

“I cannot describe how much I don’t give a shit about this,” the uncapped England non-international told Soccer on Sunday. “Not just the butter thing. I mean Villa, generally.”