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Marcos never wanted to agree to this. When his teacher first brought it up, he says, "I avoided the question, but I also felt pressured to do it ... honestly, I thought the whole thing was kinda dumb. I didn't want to save myself for marriage, but I did want my first time to be with a girlfriend or a girl I liked." Humble desires, really.

Still, he had expectations. "I was always made to feel inadequate at school and kind of thought that maybe I would indeed grow up if I lost my virginity. Once I had resigned myself to the fact it would happen, I sometimes told myself, 'Maybe this would indeed make you a man, you idiot.'" However, his excruciatingly awkward experience in the auto motel made Marcos feel about as grown up as a letter to Santa Claus. There was no sudden explosion into manhood. His maturity switch did not get flipped.

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It's almost enough to make you wonder if helping a boy become a man might take longer than five minutes.

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He's far from the only person to ever have this reaction. Marvin Gaye, whose legendary hit song "Let's Get it On" has seen the end of many virginities, lost his own virginity to an impatient, overworked hooker. He was scared shitless. "I can't even remember if I got hard," Gaye said. "I know I tried to fight my way through her fatty flesh, but then my mind won't remember any more. I felt betrayed. Sex was crude and frightening." Once again, that's Marvin Gaye, the man who would later write one of the most famous songs about genital collision ever produced.