The most popular name for male rapists in Scotland is Muhammad (or Mohammed, or variant spellings thereof). You could be forgiven for thinking that in such a land, the most popular names for any kind of criminal might by Angus or Archie or Donald, etc. This is quite an accomplishment by Muslims, whose population density in Scotland is allegedly hovering around the 2% mark. We always see in the newspapers that the most popular boys’ name for any given year in London or England as a whole is Mohammed, but the headline ends there and it doesn’t develop into any kind of substantive story. We’re never told what these Mohammeds come to be known for, or what they achieve. It’s probably because their tales are mostly to do with rape, drugs, and jihad. It wouldn’t do to tell the reader that there’s a new litter of jihadis and jihad enablers growing in our midst.

These Muslim rapists are non-discriminatory when it comes to having their libidos’ needs met. They are not ‘ableist’, to use a ‘woke’ word that has been recently coined by today’s liberals. Oh no, they will rape anyone regardless of physical or mental disability, as in the case of this woman who has Down’s Syndrome. On the plus side, you can rest assured that regardless of your age, race, gender or physical or mental condition, there is a Mohammed out there who will absolutely not be prejudiced or bigoted against you when it comes to having his sex needs met.

Another serial rapist called Mohammad, a father if you please, doesn’t stop to bother with such silly little things as consent. No, he’ll take it wherever he can find it. Lie down for a nap? That’s not a problem for Mohammed. He doesn’t need your permission or your interaction. Seems pretty versatile also, he can rape victims in their houses or his car.

Another family man and father called Mohammed pounced at the chance of luring a teenage girl into his car when he saw her leaving the pub drunk. He raped her and then kicked her into the street half naked. Probably thought he had done her a favour, he’d driven her halfway home after all. Makes me wonder what qualities he is instilling into his own children if that is the way he treats other people’s children.

Escaping life in the ‘open air prison’ that we are told is Palestine was probably too much too soon for this Muslim rapist named Mohammed. He was probably light-headed on the fumes of free Scottish money and free social housing as he raped a sex worker, probably thinking that unlimited non-Muslim women were also included in his asylum application, and that as a Muslim man he did not need to pay the girl.

And over in Falkirk, where Braveheart’s very own William Wallace once fought and was defeated by that most ancient of foes, the English, a ‘burly beast’ of a Muslim named Mohammed raped an underage schoolgirl. These rape wars are not the kind of battles that Scots should be fighting in their historic landscapes. The ‘Battle of Falkirk’ now seems to be one in which schoolgirls fight for their right to keep their virginities intact, and to not be raped in night-time parks by Mohammeds.

These Mohammeds consistently show us that they are industrious and can work as part of a team. Nor are they homophobic, and they show us that they can dispense of their desert ways when they come to civilised lands by using apps on smart-phones. Technology opens up new avenues for these Mohammeds by which they can rape people. These Muslims used the gay app Grindr to arrange meets with gay men in their houses, where they would rape and rob them.

The list is endless, and does not incorporate all of the Mohammeds who have participated in grooming and rape gangs. And the reader should keep in mind that this article has been written with a slightly satirical overtone to it, but it should be read as being appalling. The subject of rape is not a funny one, and it is not my intention to trivialize the act of rape or to mock any victims of sexual assault. I find the over-representation of Mohammeds in Scotland in relation to rape, given their percentage of the population, to be astounding. The fact that no one is curious about this phenomenon is, to my mind, mind-blowing, and it is the people who are ignoring and denying what is going in Scotland whom I am mocking here. No one seems to be connecting the religious and cultural dots. How many more women and children and men need to be raped by more Mohammeds before people start talking about the problem? At this late stage in the game, the wilful ignorance is farcical, and it is my hope that the tone of the article reflects that.