We drove a touristy GoCar around SF. It was equal parts terrifying and hilarious.

Alix Martichoux and Madeline Wells, two SFGATE staff writers, rent a GoCar for a day in San Francisco. Alix Martichoux and Madeline Wells, two SFGATE staff writers, rent a GoCar for a day in San Francisco. Photo: Blair Heagerty / SFGate Photo: Blair Heagerty / SFGate Image 1 of / 19 Caption Close We drove a touristy GoCar around SF. It was equal parts terrifying and hilarious. 1 / 19 Back to Gallery

When my coworker Alix asked if I’d join her in driving a GoCar — one of those tiny yellow cars pretty much only used by tourists — around San Francisco, I agreed, but under one condition.

“I’m not driving,” I told her firmly. Well, two conditions: “And please don’t kill me.”

As a nervous and infrequent driver who doesn’t own a car in the Bay Area, I couldn’t think of anything more terrifying than being behind the wheel in the busy, hilly streets of San Francisco.

Now, imagine my terror at navigating a toy car-looking vehicle around the city. I read relevant headlines over the past few years of their existence in SF, my heart rate accelerating with each one: Tiny GoCar gets wedged under SUV near Lombard St.; Tourist family takes GoCar too far — over Bay Bridge; 2 tossed out of GoCar in wreck in SF’s Mission District.

But hey, the tourists zipping through Fisherman’s Wharf always looked like they were having fun. In the name of journalism, we decided to find out whether it was worth risking your life and looking like an oblivious tourist to take a spin in one of these bad boys.

On an overcast, chilly Thursday morning, Alix and I headed to our GoCar pickup spot near Union Square. We filled out a bunch of paperwork, selected helmets and watched a short safety video that informed us that we were not allowed to drive on bridges or freeways, the GoCar had no reverse gear, and that if you drive off the planned route, the car might not be able to make it up some of San Francisco’s steeper inclines (yikes).

We reserved the car for three hours, which cost $190 plus an additional $26 for insurance. If we were late getting back, we’d be charged an additional $1/minute. Let’s just note that you can rent a real car for a whole day for a LOT cheaper than that.

And this is far from a real car; it’s actually classified as a motorcycle. There aren’t gas and brake pedals. Instead, you accelerate with a throttle on the handlebars and brake like you would on a bike. The parking brake was just a small rod that you slide into place to hold the handle brakes down.

Squeezing into the GoCar for the first time, it hit us both that our ride was … much smaller than we anticipated. Fitting my long legs into the passenger seat with the GPS screen blocking my entry point was a struggle.

After a very brief demonstration on how to drive it, I put my life in Alix’s hands and we took off through the Tenderloin. Pretty much immediately, we missed a turn on our route to Fort Mason.

I have a poor sense of direction, and I immediately panicked. Our provided GPS system — which not only navigates, but acts as a perky tour guide — had gone silent. (It only talks to you when you’re on the designated route; it’s doesn’t recalculate to help you get back on track like a normal GPS.) The virtual map offered no street names. We’re not strangers to the area, but straying from the route poses the risk that you’ll veer onto a too-steep hill the GoCar can’t handle. Or even (shudder) a freeway.

for your viewing pleasure: a gocar’s-eye-view of two @sfgate reporters just vibin listening to cool gocar-provided generic tunes pic.twitter.com/7UOBekBTud — madeline wells (@madwells22) February 21, 2020

The chaotic, construction-filled atmosphere of the Tenderloin did not exactly help with my ability to think clearly. We switched lanes near a bus — a looming instant death machine from a GoCar’s eye view — and I screamed a little bit.

As I was completely useless to navigate Alix out of this situation, we pulled over to regroup. A construction worker eyed us disdainfully.

Thank god we made it out of there and toward the calmer roads near Fort Mason. Our tour guide finally kicked back into action, alarming us with its sudden arrival.

“Check out Barcelona Liquors on the corner of Pine Street,” it urged us. “Speaking of Barcelona, that is yet another city where GoCars are now driving!” We groaned.

We stopped at a Safeway for a quick breather and learned that the safety video wasn’t joking when it said there was no reverse gear. To leave the parking lot, I had to get out and push our little yellow joyride with my own two arms. You could say I’m pretty buff now.

Once we started whizzing through winding, picturesque roads in the Presidio, we started to hit our stride. With few cars around, I forgot about being scared for my life.

“Welcome to the Presy-DI-yo!” our navigator chirped, causing us both to laugh at the butchered pronunciation.

Our car then started playing cheesy music, and we took the opportunity to crank up the volume and jam out. If you’re already doing something this embarrassing, you might as well embrace it.

We reached Fort Point — a spot I’ve never actually made it to before — and it was beautiful, the bridge doing its whole majestic thing.

But then we started to get cold. Really, really cold.

Alix’s eyes started watering in the wind. Coming down with a cold myself, my nose started pouring. But in spite of our leaking faces, we persevered, barreling toward the Cliff House, and then Golden Gate Park.

The GPS tried to send us to Twin Peaks, to which we both screamed “NO!” at the thought of how frigid it would be up there. Instead, we made a beeline for the Golden Gate Park bison.

I forgot about being ill and freezing for a moment, because the bison were out! We tried to do a U-turn to get on the bison side of the road, but Alix couldn’t quite make it. I had to get out and push again.

People in cars giggled at the spectacle we made. But for a moment, I understood what it was like to be a giddy tourist, because I didn’t care.

The bison had given us a second wind, but with only an hour left at this point, our enthusiasm dipped. We were too cold, and the GPS had a different agenda than us, sending us in the wrong direction out of Golden Gate Park.

Turning out of the park onto a busy road reminded me to fear for my life once again: Our vehicle was too low for us to see around the corner, but we also couldn’t accelerate fast enough if a speeding car were to come out of nowhere. We took a chance on our 35 mph cap and gunned it.

Our final stop was the Painted Ladies, which we circled a few times, because, you know, photos. With only a few minutes left, we started heading back to our drop-off point. We had to skip Lombard Street, but we made it back with 5 minutes to spare.

So, is GoCar worth the over $200 it costs to rent one for three hours? Well, it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as I expected. And there were moments when it was genuinely fun, and I got to see some cool sights I’d never been to in San Francisco before because they are hard to reach via public transportation.

That said, I can’t imagine navigating one of these as a tourist with no understanding of the city. And oh man was it cold — we went on a cold day, but let’s face it: SF is usually not the warmest.

The exorbitant price alone makes it not worth it, in my opinion. But I suppose if you’re a comfortable driver — preferably a local showing an out-of-towner around — with a good sense of direction, some money to blow, and are looking for a laugh, go ahead and rent one of these little yellow hell machines. If nothing else, they’re hilarious.

Madeline Wells is an SFGATE associate digital reporter. Email: madeline.wells@sfgate.com | Twitter: @madwells22

Alix Martichoux is an SFGATE digital editor. Read her latest stories and send her news tips at alix.martichoux@sfgate.com.