Today is Cinco de Mayo — a day for Americans to celebrate Mexicans on a day that Mexicans don’t actually celebrate Mexicans. Most people will buy ponchos, drink tequila, and have themselves a grand old time. But you — you will not. Why? Because you’re Greek. I know that every Party City from the golden bridges to the big apple will be selling maracas and pinatas to celebrate this day, but you should not, can not, must not, as a house partake.

The media hates Greeks, and I know this day symbolizes cultural appropriation nationwide, but they will come after you anyway. See below just a few of the theme parties — some truly racist, some not — that have gotten Greeks into trouble over the past few years.

These organizations faced punishments ranging from suspension to diversity training classes, to just plain bad press, but trust me, you don’t want to roll the dice on this. If you’re going out tomorrow for Drinko de Mayo, and I’m sure you are, just go to a bar, and let them get in trouble for it — if you already have a party planned, change the theme. Right now. Change it to no theme at all. Don’t dress “Mexican,” because you will face the consequences, and most importantly do NOT put it online..