There are countless such stories of humans challenging themselves to achieve the extraordinary and inspire us all.

In the annals of human history, there are stories of people who stretched far beyond the boundaries of what is possible. Michael Jordon defied gravity. Shakespeare invented new landscapes of language. Ron Jeremy had sex with a lot of women despite looking like a cross between Danny Devito and Super Mario.

6 Tu Jin-Sheng a.k.a. "Iron Crotch"

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

He Does What Now?

Pulls trucks with his penis. Like a motherfucker.

How many of you ever ran out of gas and resorted to pushing your car to the nearest gas station, the whole time thinking, "Man, this sucks, there's got to be a better way to move this car." And how many of you, while taking a shower the next morning, looked down at your penis and cried, "Eureka!" If your hand is raised, you should know your penis just put a restraining order on you.

If, on the other hand, you are a little sheepish about wrapping high-grade cable around your wiener and taking your automobile for an afternoon stroll, you're clearly not Tu Jin-Sheng. Utilizing an Eastern spiritual technique called Qigong, or "Iron Crotch," Tu Jin-Sheng spends his idle hours dragging tractors, trucks and airplanes around with mini-Tu Jin-Sheng.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

This ain't no hobby for Mr. Iron Crotch. Tu Jin-Sheng is a bonafide Grandmaster of Chinese medicine. He is recognized as a professor of medical societies in Taiwan, Japan,and Canada because apparently in those countries they reward you a Ph.D. in yanking your junk. (Is that how it works? From now on you may refer to us as "doctor.")

And dragging private jets around isn't the only trick Tu's dong has up its sleeve. Qigong allows this Grandmaster to destroy his schlong in any manner of ways. Like this:

Notice the man kicking, with his foot so far up old Tu's baby factory he's actually kicking Tu's great-great-great-great-great grandchildren in the face? This guy is Tu's son. This kind of father-son bonding makes us jealous. When's the last time your dad said, "hey son, wanna go pay catch--with your foot and my dick?"

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

At IronCrotch.com (how did we not snatch up that URL?) you'll find all the equipment you need to develop an iron penis of your own. Here's Tu Jin-Sheng's instructional video:



We hate it when the cover gives away the ending.

You can also read more about Tu Jin-Sheng and his genital empowerment program at, we shit you not, The International Journal of Sexual Kung Fu. It should go without saying this is definitely NSFW, unless you work at the penis mutilation factory. In which case if you do, get back work! America's floundering economy is counting on you!