Carolyn Hax, 19 February 2013:

Hi, Carolyn: I’m a 30-something woman in a long-term relationship with a man who I really love and like, and whom my parents like, as well. We are very happy together and have decided not to have children. My mother has never hassled us about our decision not to parent, and that’s good. However, she is excessively devoted to the children of her two stepsons. For example, we were all at dinner the other week, and when someone asked her if she had other grandchildren (meaning: not from me!), she whipped out her wallet and showed around the pictures of my stepbrothers’ kids and called them “her” grandchildren. Am I right to feel resentful? I mean, they aren’t actually her grandchildren at all. Shouldn’t she explain that they are technically the children of her husband’s children? - Disrespected

Dear Disrespected,

Your mother has a lot of fucking gall walking around showing photos of these so-called “grandchildren” (BARF) to people who ask to see them–especially right in front of you! Who even cares about looking at photos of someone’s step grandkids, anyway? Jesus, your mom sounds like one of those people who just has to make everything all about her, when obviously everything is in fact about you.

The next time she trots out the photos of these non-related spawn, use the opportunity as a teachable moment. You’ll want a good script to use, because it sounds like your mom thinks that it isn’t all that important to make technical distinctions about things like family, as if loving people is more important than sharing their DNA. Try this, to anyone who will listen once your mom goes on another one of her show-off-my-fake-grandkids jags:

“Those individuals in the photographs you see there are technically the children of my mother’s stepsons, who are not related by blood to either me or my mother, so you’ll have to excuse her when she calls them her ‘grandchildren,’ which is obviously incorrect. The correct term would be 'step-grandchildren’ or, [whatever you prefer, like 'young-progeny-in-law’ or 'my smug fucking stepbrother’s spoiled, bitch-ass kids.]’”

That way, everyone will be clear on how obviously comfortable you are with your life choices.