When I got to my worst point, my arthritis was active in over 20 joints. Specifically, my toes, ankles, knees, hips, spine/neck, shoulders, elbows, wrists, fingers, and jaw. Noticing my arthritis moving into new joints was probably the worst part of the entire process, as my whole life I’d only ever been active in about five joints. It was hard at times. I had a lot of breakdowns, I called my Mom crying a lot, and I missed work a lot. I had to stop doing things I loved, like going to the gym and regularly practicing yoga. And every day things became difficult at best, near impossible at worst. Things I never had thought about before like opening a jar, sitting down onto the floor, twisting a doorknob, pulling a shirt off over my head, or getting in and out of my car all became some of the most painful things I would have to do each day. During this time when things were at there worse, it was really difficult to stay positive despite my optimistic nature. I guess no matter how optimistic you are, there’s something real shitty about having to get your roomie to help you up off the toilet when you’re 23, ya feel me?

During the spring and summer of 2016 I tried out new medication for my arthritis that did nothing but make my condition worse. Trying new meds is a tough time when the main symptom of your disease is chronic pain. I remember being so excited to finally get on a new medication that was going to help me, starting it, waiting two to three months for it to kick in and help me, only to find out it had worsened my disease and start the process all over again. Not to mention, there is a real lack of compassion in the medical community when it comes to pain. What I’ve noticed in my experience with chronic pain is that medical professionals often feel that they understand your pain better than you do, or know how your condition effects you individually better than you do. Pain is hard, because you can’t see it or hear it or feel it. You have to simply rely on the information given to you by the person doing the actual suffering. And a lot of doctors seem to underestimate that despite having no physical comparison to what you are actually dealing with. It was tiring time, to say the least.

Finally in September of 2016 I started a new medication that began helping me and decreased my pain a great deal. I’ve been on this medication for almost six months now, and the change in my day-to-day abilities is crazy. I can remember the joy I felt when I began to realize I could get up out of a chair without having to push myself up with my hands and arms, or get myself in and out of the bathtub in less than five minutes. Flash forward a few months and I am now finally able to do yoga again after three years and am going back to work in a few weeks after being off for months. Things have definitely continued to get better and better and slowly but surely I am feeling more like a human every day.

I’ve gained a lot from going through this tough time, like learning to not be ashamed to ask for help when I really need it, and realizing how important it is to always put your health first, no matter what. It is okay to take time to rest, if rest is what you need, and it is okay to take a step back, if that is what you need. These things took me a while to learn and accept, but once I did my healing became so much easier on me, mentally and physically. Listening to your body is so important, and I believe nothing is more crucial in any type of healing process.