Melons are still the world’s preferred fruit for imitating breasts, beating off stiff competition from grapefruits, apples and oranges.

Both men and women agree that melons are the best fruit to use when attempting to imitate a pair of funbags, although grapefruits aren’t far behind.



‘While melons remain on top, grapefruits are catching up, according to our figures,’ said Dr Tom Arrto of the Fruit Research Institute (FRI). ‘We could see grapefruits overtake melons, but we don’t expect that to be for quite some time.’

Melons have been widely praised as fake breasts for their size, roundness and overall comedy appeal.

Research also shows that men who don’t hold two melons up to their chest whenever they have the opportunity are not worth talking to.

‘It’s just a bit of fun,’ exclaimed one man at a wake.