Trump Adds "White People" to Endangered Species List

Aug 14, 2019

President Trump has been on quite an environmental bender.

On August 12th, the Trump Administration issued crucial changes to the Endangered Species Act. The changes weaken protections for many species and open up huge areas of protected land for oil and gas development.

The Endangered Species Act was created in 1973 under President Nixon with bipartisan support. It’s helped prevent the eradication of 99 percent of the 1,650 species it has protected, like the Bald Eagle.

When asked why he is gutting endangered species to favor short term profit for his oil company friends, President Trump had this to say:

“Fake news! The media is reporting that I hate the planet, and thus hate America. But did they mention I added 'white people' to the Endangered Species list? No! That’s right white voters in Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania. I added you to the endangered species list because Mexicans are coming to rape your wives and have mixed race babies which you can't abort because god bless the bastard mulattos. Soon they’ll be no white people left, just bastard mulattos. It’s the Democrats who hate the planet and are stirring up racial divisions to steal your votes, white people in Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Now go forth and god bless all you AK-47 owners as you hunt down the last of the Bald Eagles, California Condors, Red Wolves and Passenger Pigeons. Well, actually my oil friends will destroy their habitats before you can get to them, so never mind. Freedom! Corporate Freedom! God I can't shut up. Women are fat pigs. We need to put fat pigs on the species to exterminate list. There I go again, saving the planet! Freedom!”