“One-man boy band” Lauv looks like a product of the internet. Aside from the dyed hair and matching purple eyebrows, the Myspace tattoo behind his ear is a dead giveaway.

In his videos and artwork, he’s known for embracing a kaleidoscope of colours: for our shoot, he’s wearing black trousers covered in luminous green, spray-painted dollar signs, with a diamanté, heart-shaped ring on his little finger. The 25-year-old singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist trades in sad bangers, first becoming a sensation after uploading his debut single, “The Other”, to the platform in 2015. Since then, San Francisco-born, LA-based Lauv (real name Ari Straprans Leff) has become a poster boy for heartfelt, forward-thinking pop, with a fierce following that has seen his tracks – which have names like “Fuck Me, I’m Lonely”, “Sad Forever” and “I’m So Tired” – streamed billions of times across the globe.

As well as big-name collaborations with the likes of Troye Sivan and BTS, Leff, who releases his music independently, has also had success as a songwriter for other artists, from Charli XCX to Demi Lovato. Last year he supported Ed Sheeran on tour, and now he’s on his own run of headline shows, with two sold-out nights at London’s O2 Forum Kentish Town this week. We caught up with Leff while he was in town, to shoot him for our video series “My First And Last”, in which he lifts the lid on everything from his first kiss to the last time he cried. To go with the film, we also asked Leff to take our regular “The Firsts” interview, for which he gave some incredibly candid answers covering mental health, childhood, self-worth, making money and meeting BTS...

The first time you realised you wanted to be a musician…

I think when I wrote my first song when I was 13. I’d been playing music for most of my life, but that was piano (which I’ve been playing since I was five or six, although I never practised), viola, orchestra, stuff like that, and so it was only when I picked up a guitar and then wrote a song that I felt, “Oh, this is so special.” One of my sisters played violin, the other, the cello, and my dad used to sing in choirs, although my mom’s not musical at all.

The first time you played in front of a live audience..

Properly as Lauv, it was in New York at Rockwood Music Hall in 2015. It was one of those performances when it was just me and the piano in a small room. I played around three songs and there were only about 40 or 50 people there. I’ve just blacked the whole performance out: my heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, I was so, so nervous. I don’t get as nervous now, just a little jittery. I think what’s really helped me is that before each show, me, my band and a couple of people from the crew sit down for 20 minutes to meditate and speak gratitude. So we get to a really calm place and feel super Zen. When I was going through a really hard time when I was very depressed, a good friend of mine who’s a bit older and has been through a lot, he taught me the practice of meditation, of speaking gratitude, positivity, and it totally changed my life, so now I’ve just kept doing that.

The first time you realised you were actually any good…

I still have trouble with that one, really, a lot of trouble. I’m very self-deprecating, although I’ve recently become a little less so. I had a lot of self-confidence issues that were related to me being depressed. When I finally got on medication for my depression at the beginning of this year, I started to be able to be like, “Oh, I can. Not be cocky, but own the fact that I’ve worked really hard and I know what I’m doing.” But up until then I was always telling myself that I was just lucky, that I suck, that I can’t do this, things like that.

The first time you met BTS…

The crazy thing about the BTS collab is that it happened straight after the first time I met them. They had posted a couple of videos, covering my songs, and I went to the show at Wembley – I was just blown away by the fan base, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen – where I got the chance to go backstage after to say hi. I was super nervous, but every single one of them was so sweet. We took a picture together and when I was walking away, a person from their team said, “They’d love to have you on a remix of ‘Make It Right’. Would you want to do that?” Of course there was literally no other answer than “absolutely”, so we recorded it the next day at a studio in London.

The first time you won at anything...

I won a betta fish at a fair when I was super young. It died the next day. It was a bummer. Maybe that’s where my fear of death comes from. I was so scared as a child. Almost every night when I was little I would have to go into my parents’ room and sleep in their bed, because I’d be so afraid that I was going to die or that they were going to die.

The first time you dyed your hair…

I was probably nine or ten and I dyed my hair black for a rock’n’roll summer camp I was doing. I had hair down to my shoulders; people always used to think I was a girl because I was so small and obviously hadn’t gone through puberty yet. Anyway, we were going to play a Nirvana song in the final performance, so I’d decided to dye it the night before. Soon after it was done I got really sick and was in awful pain. By the time morning came, we realised that I had to get my appendix removed, so I missed the whole performance as I was in the hospital. It was the first time I had surgery and I was so nervous. My biggest fear is death, so I was so afraid that when they put me under that I was never going to wake up.

The first record you ever bought…

It must have been The Eminem Show. I think I asked my parents if I could buy it because I was so young, but I’d watched 8 Mile with my mom and she was so into it too.

The first time you got a tattoo…

I got two at once when I was about 21. The one on my left arm says “Free yourself” – I sometimes laugh at it now because it’s a little generic, but I was very much in a place where I didn’t feel confident and felt like I was my own worst enemy all the time. Then at the same time I got a tiny “TM” – as in trademark – because I love putting TMs on the end of random words.

The first time you made money out of being a musician…

As Lauv, it would have been when I signed my publishing deal. I was just over halfway through college and I’d just put out my song “The Other”. The funny thing is that until up then, I was trying so hard to get a deal and nobody cared, then I put out those first couple of songs on SoundCloud and it changed everything. People starting reaching out, everything blew up and I moved to LA. It’s crazy, I’ll never forget how surreal that all felt.

The first time you blew your paycheque frivolously...

The first time I really spent on something was on a Saint Laurent jacket, bought at the LA store after my friend and I happened to be walking by and decided to pop in for a look. Then I fell in love with it. It was corduroy, blue and yellow, almost like a varsity jacket. I don’t wear it any more, but it’s in my closet and was such a crazy experience at the time. I remember calling my business manager, saying, “I want to buy this, but I’m worried. What do you think? Do you think I can I afford it?” I was nervous even being in the shop. I felt so out of place, because I was used to shopping at H&M, Zara, Topman.

The first girlfriend you had…

My first proper girlfriend was when I went to school. I was 18 and we were together for four years. My first project, I Met You When I Was 18, is made up of 17 songs that are pretty much all about our relationship.

The first time you put together a stage outfit…

It’s kind of gross, actually. I used to wear the exact same outfit all of the time, like an on-stage uniform, because I didn’t have the resources to buy a bunch of clothes then. During my first tour – during the times of everything being cut up and distressed (Oh, God!) – I’d wear this distressed black hoodie, which was ripped up to the point that my uncle said I looked like a zombie, with a light-pink short-sleeved sweater over the top. I’d get so hot but would still wear two T-shirts underneath. I remember I’d get so stoked about taking the layers off as the show went on.

Head to GQ’s Vero channel to see exclusive videos from behind the scenes on Lauv’s shoot and to see his TV, film, music and ultimate LA restaurant recommendations. Join GQ on Vero for all the latest music lifestyle news and insider access into the GQ world, from behind-the-scenes insight to recommendations from our editors and high-profile talent.

Now read:

Troye Sivan: ‘Mark Ronson is my style icon’

How Lewis Capaldi became America’s sweetheart

Tove Lo: ‘My first diva moment? When I played Coachella with Alesso’