Dark places: NRL referee Matt Cecchin knew he needed help. Credit:NRL Photos When Cecchin arrived at the ground, he pulled aside his pocket referee, Dave Munro. "Mate, I have to tell you something – I'm not in a good way," he said. "I don't want to tell you this because I know you might be shocked but there might be times in this game when you have to step in." Recalls Cecchin now: "That was the first sign to me was that I had the courage to tell someone, which I'd never done before. And that I needed help." In this instance, the old saying that the best referee is the one you don't notice, should not apply. Cecchin, 43, as well as fellow referee Ben Cummins, will on Friday be named as one of the NRL's new State of Mind ambassadors, who support the game's extensive mental health program.

First sign: Cecchin speaks to Michael Ennis during round four last year. Credit:Mark Kolbe There are 30 ambassadors in total across the game and the leading whistleblowers join the likes of Anthony Milford, Trent Merrin and Josh Dugan as those speaking up about mental health. The announcement coincides on Friday with World Health Day, which this year focuses on talking about depression. In many respects, referees are the game's punching bag. Physically, they cover more than nine kilometres a match, making 250 changes in direction and using about 85 per cent of their maximum heart rate. They make on average between 388 and 430 critical decisions per match.

Cecchin says he has never had lingering issues with a player or coach during his long career. He never cops abuse from a fan outside of the stadium. But his candour when we meet high in the stands at ANZ Stadium this week highlights the pressure on the man in the middle that we all too often take for granted. Cecchin reveals he had been hiding his mental illness for many years. When he was 14, his parents separated and he attempted to take his own life. When he was 19, he fathered a child unexpectedly and tried to take the same grim path. In 2013, in a finals match between Cronulla and the Cowboys, he infamously awarded a try to the Sharks on the seventh tackle. He was subsequently dropped for the rest of the finals and missed out on officiating at the Four Nations. He sought help on that occasion, but kept it hidden from others.

A mistake involving the Bunker in round three last year during a match between Parramatta and the Bulldogs triggered his issues leading into the match at Shark Park. "Last year was really potent for me," Cecchin says. "I had a big call to make leading into a try. I used some inappropriate comms and put the Bunker under pressure for the first time." Bulldogs fans will probably recall the moment. Winger Sam Perrett had scored in the corner, and while Cecchin considered it a try he deferred to the Bunker and asked if the ball had been passed forward or touched in flight. The video referee can't rule on forward passes, but this time it did. The try was disallowed. James Graham howled at the moon in disgust. "I said to check for a forward pass, which I know I shouldn't have done," Cecchin recalls. "Replays showed it was a clear forward pass. The Bunker was the shiny new toy of the NRL and it had been doing really well until then.

"This was the first time the Bunker had got it wrong. There was a massive level of expectation that the Bunker would be perfect and now I felt responsible because I saw how much pressure it put on my colleagues and my boss. "I make mistakes in every game I referee. For some reason, that mistake affected me. That's what we learn with mental health. It doesn't pick and choose. It doesn't discriminate. "I've never admitted to any game nerves or pressure. You have a job to do and you do it. But I went from that one incident to feeling like I wanted to give it all away and this was the end." He got through the Sharks-Storm match without incident, but other referees knew their friend and colleague wasn't himself. Referees boss Tony Archer saw it, too. "I think you need a week off," Archer said.

Says Cecchin: "I didn't want another week off without the distraction of footy." The week off prompted him to see leading sports therapist Rosie Stanimirovic, who also works extensively with the GWS Giants. Before they met, Cecchin fired off an angry email claiming he felt under incredible pressure, that he was being picked on, that he felt responsible, that it wasn't fair ... "Matt, I have no need to disbelieve anything you've said," she said to him when they met face-to-face. "But what has changed in the last 20 years since you started refereeing? The pressure? The game? The management of the NRL? "Nothing," Cecchin replied.

"Then why have you?" It was a lightbulb moment. "That one comment from her made me realise it wasn't everyone else," he says. "I wasn't in a dark spot because of everyone else. It was because I needed some help. Just by me knowing that I could fix it and there was someone to help me fix it changed everything." Cecchin shared his experiences with his fellow referees, and now wants to share it with a wider audience. "We have responsibility as people who are well known to show our imperfections," he says. "That we're flawed and that you can get help."