Jan. 27

(2010-46014) 7 a.m.: What happens when you put copper wire in a microwave oven? Whoever ripped off Edgewater High School on Edgewater Drive may be finding out at this moment, because they took 10 rolls of the stuff and the employees' microwave.

(2010-44370) 11:25 a.m.: Thieves took the usual from a house in the 700 block of East Amelia Street: a flat-screen TV, two notebook computers, jewelry and money.

(2010-44522) Noon: Someone took off with a .39-caliber rifle, some prescription drugs and a Rolex from an apartment in the 10 block of West Princeton Street after entering "the unsecured front door of the homer," according to police. Maybe it's a typo, or maybe Bart's dad is feeling kinda empty. Anyway, Homer gets the last bitter laugh: The Rolex was a fake.

Jan. 28

(Kissimmee PD): Police went after a former manager at Kangaroo Express on North Thacker Avenue, who took off in a borrowed car with $11,000 in scratch-off lottery tickets. She turned herself in the next day.

(2010-46595) 1:28 p.m.: A 16-year-old took a golf cart from Island Club Apartments on South Kirkman Road, and several police units ran him to ground at Eagle Nest Park a mile away. We're sure it was an epic chase.

Jan. 29

(2010-47297) 1:55 a.m.: A woman said a man on a bicycle swiped her purse on the corner of Pharr Avenue and McDevitt Street. Police held a suspect, but the woman then said she didn't want to press charges.

(2010-47538) 8 a.m.: Apartment burglary at 5252 Long Road. "This is the third incident in a week at the same complex," Officer Samuel Jones noted.

(2010-47835) 10:30 a.m.: A computer, iPod Nano and matching speakers were secured only by a window screen in a garage apartment in the 800 block of Harwood Street. Now they're not.

Jan. 30

(2010-49364) 8 a.m.: Hey, whoever smashed the glass door at ABC Fine Wine & Spirits on South Orange Avenue to swipe two bottles of Hennessy: Quit listening to Kanye.

(2010-49421) 8:25 a.m.: Two guys came up to a cyclist in the 600 block of West Colonial Drive, waved a gun, and took his money and bicycle.

(2010-49879) 4 p.m.: A man was followed out of a Walgreens in the 5700 block of T.G. Lee Boulevard. One guy jabbed a gun in his gut, and the other guy took two gold chains valued at $30,000. The chainless man followed the departing silver Nissan onto State Road 408, but lost him at the Crystal Lake—Lake Underhill exit.

(2010-50923) 8:16 p.m.: Dealer's Choice Marine on Lakehurst Drive was a choice place from which to steal seven outboard motors.

Jan. 31

(2010-50493) 12:12 a.m.: Sigh. An optimistic man went to meet an "unknown female" for "drinks" in the 5200 block of North Orange Blossom Trail. Not surprisingly, she was accompanied by a guy with a machete, who took money and an iPhone. About that time, our hero realized something wasn't going as planned.

(2010-50969) 10 a.m.: If you're going to go to the risk and trouble of stealing a gun, as so many do, at least make sure it's worth your time — like the classic original-model .45-caliber pistol that went missing from a house in 6600 block of Queens Borough Avenue.

Feb. 1

Borough Avenue.

(2010-52359) 1:50 a.m.: Somebody pried open a door at the Florida Spine Care Center on South Orange Avenue and carried off a 40-inch TV. That's a good way to hurt your back.

(2010-52811) 7 a.m.: Three big air conditioners, each costing $10,000, are no longer at Stone Magic on L.B. McLeod Road.

(2010-52229) 7:25 a.m.: More people didn't lock their cars in neighborhoods on Lake Melrose Drive, Providence Crossing Trail and Port Lancashire Drive. Thus they lost GPS devices and other stuff.

(2010-52709) 1:35 p.m.: Wait, it's this easy? A guy walked into SunTrust Bank on South John Young Parkway, passed a note demanding cash, got some, and walked off across the road.

(2010-52805) 2:30 p.m.: An unknown suspect used an unknown tool to pry his or her way into the Ezekiel Masonic Club on South Tampa Avenue. The person's or persons' intent was unknown, because it's not known if anything was taken. And some people think Masons are mysterious.

Feb. 2

(2010-54141) 11:13 a.m.: A burglar threw a paving stone through a house window in the 7200 block of Black Bull Lane, then rummaged inside, but the resident got there in time to see him flee in a reddish car with out-of-state tags.

(2010-54434) 2:57 p.m.: House burglars in the 1300 block of East Washington Street ransacked bedrooms and left with the easily portable $1,300 laptop computer.

(2010-54947) 9:21 p.m.: Police tried to stop a van on South Kirkman Road, but the driver wouldn't — until he hit another cruiser at corner of MetroWest Boulevard. He fled the smash-up on foot, but was soon caught.

jgaines@orlandoweekly.com