Shaheen Anam. Photo: Prabir Das

Dear Readers,

After remaining anonymous for 22 years, I have decided to reveal my identity and start the Mita column once again. In these 22 plus years, many of you who wrote to me as teenagers have grown into adulthood, facing new challenges and possibilities. I often wonder where you are and how you have done in life.

The question that has haunted me ever since I started the column way back in the early 1990's is “has my advice really helped anyone?” I really don't know as readers have seldom written back their response to my answers. However, the fact that the letters kept on coming made me believe that however insignificant, my answers might have provided some solace, comfort or relief to the many problems faced by young people. It also made me realise that there are not many avenues for them to seek help when troubled by problems of relationships, love, lost friendships or accepting their sexuality.

As the years went by I started receiving feedback from readers of the Star magazine that they were getting bored with the same kind of letters about teen love every week. I, however, saw these letters as a desperate cry from young people who had no one to turn to when faced with problems. I tried within the limitation of this column to convey the message of self respect, self reliance and confidence. I understood their frustration of living in a society with every kind of modern technology at their finger tips yet clinging on to traditional values and customs. I emphasised the necessity of finding a balance between the two. I treated teen love as a natural part of growing up that should not inhibit growth but rather help gain confidence, inspire to do better and ignite ambition.

Over the years, the nature of letters started to change. More and more letters seeking advice on adult love, problems in marriage, with in-laws, sexuality etc. started to come. Readers were seeking solutions to serious problems, the impact of which could be life changing. I felt inadequate in giving solutions to such serious problems, given the limitations of the column. Instead of giving solutions, I encouraged them to ask some basic questions regarding their relationships and seek solutions within themselves. For more serious cases I advised seeking other professional help.

You might be wondering what has prompted me to come out in the open after so many years. The answer to that is perhaps I want a closer relationship with my readers; also, my readers might find it more comfortable writing to a real person rather than a pen name. The column will essentially remain the same. I will receive letters every week and answer the questions. Once a month I will write a short column on a relationship challenge. This might be on problems related to marriage, adjusting to in- laws, misunderstanding between friends or siblings etc. I will solicit readers' opinion as to what they would like Mita to write.

Please be aware that the Mita column cannot solve all problems. What I intend to do is assist you to seek solutions within your selves. I want you to reflect and use your inner strength, your capacity and life experiences to understand your problems and set realistic goals to find solutions. Finally, all I can say is, so far I have enjoyed reading and answering all your letters over the years. No matter how trivial or small the problem I have tried my best to address them with total sincerity. Mita is now entering a new phase and I now look towards a more serious and fruitful relationship with my readers. This is Shaheen Anam, I live in Dhaka with my husband. I have two daughters who live abroad. I have a Masters in Psychology and Masters in Social Work specialising in Marriage and Family Counseling.

– SHAHEEN ANAM