We were all so excited for this opportunity, but it wasnt supposed to be like this.

It wasnt supposed to be a piece on atheists, sandwiched between images of people mourning over slaughtered children and school officials.

But thats what it is.

And its fine-- CBS didnt do a hack piece on us or anything... It was just supposed to be a happy "YAY! GO US **HIGH-FIVE**" moment, not a 'Well I stopped crying because I quit watching TV, Facebook, Twitter, Newsfeeds, and now Im crying again' moment.

Murdered people, devastated communities, were not supposed to be our 'in' to talking about atheism.

There are assholes out there. Not monsters, just thoughtless, heartless, soulless assholes who care more about their politics, more about painting their political/social adversaries as potential mass-murderers, baby killers, woman killers, than they care about their fellow humans.

This tragedy, I think it has hit many of us so hard because of the defining feature of humanity-- empathy. We all have kids, step-kids, nieces, nephews, friends kids, grandchildren, neighborhood kids, the age of the kids killed. What would we do, if this happened to them? What would we say? Many of us have family, friends, who are teachers and school administrators (if we arent not ourselves). Literally my entire family is in education. What if my mother died this way? My father? We all have a friend, a relative, whos always been a little... off... What if I found out, through Twitter/Facebook, that my brother murdered my mother, twenty children, and six educators? My cousin? My high school friend?

And then the guilt sinks in. There are kids dying all over the world, every day. I dont cry for them the way I have been crying the past couple of days. Its easy to forget about the kids in Syria, the kids in Zambia, the kids in China being shot/bombed/starving/disease, theyre over there. This happened over HERE. Why dont I cry for the kids over there? God there are so many kids who need help... and it all seems so futile.

Just last week, we were giddy-- We cured a little girl, a little girl who was going to die from cancer, with a GMO HIV virus. Countless scientists and physicians and medical personnel worked together, and they saved this little girls life!!!

And like that *snap* 20 kids were taken from us, not by cancer, but for nothing. Six school admins, who had so much more to give those children and future children, gone.

Again, it just makes everything seem futile.

I am not an officer of OKC Atheists, I barely have time to show up for meet-ups anymore, but I can speak for myself saying that I in no way, shape, or form want to use this tragedy as an excuse to talk about atheism. It wasnt supposed to be like that for the CBS show.