'I Know I Have To, But Downloading The Covid-19 Test And Trace App Is Making Me More Anxious Than Ever'

by Rhiannon Evans and Anna Silverman |

‘IT’S HEARTBREAKING knowing Grace won’t be here for any more birthdays, Christmases and New Year celebrations,’ says Chloe McCombe as the friends and family of the murdered 22-year-old face their second Christmas without her. Grace Millane was strangled to death on her six-month trip abroad by a New Zealand man who claimed in court she’d consented to it and died as part of a ‘sex game gone wrong’.

Four weeks after his claims were dismissed unanimously by the jury, her friends have spoken to Grazia for the first time to talk about the real Grace – a hockey-playing, life-loving ‘cheerleader’ to her friends with her whole life ahead of her.

Backing our campaign to end men’s ability to use this ‘rough sex’ defence, alongside campaign group We Can’t Consent To This and Harriet Harman MP, Lucy Young said, ‘Imagine losing a friend in a traumatic way. Then imagine having to hear every intricate detail of their death while the rest of the world speculates and comments. Losing Grace was heartbreaking, but what was equally awful was having to hear how she was brutally murdered, and then listen to the defence try and justify these actions as “an accident during consensual sex”. No one can consent to their murder. Grace certainly did not.’

At times, it honestly felt like it was Grace on trial and not him.

‘What made it hard was having to wake up every day during the trial and see her name being dragged through the mud,’ says Chloe, who like Lucy and their friend Lydia Nash met Grace at Lincoln University. ‘Suddenly, it felt like every person in the world could comment and share their opinion on Grace and the circumstances surrounding her death, despite not knowing her and her not being able to defend herself.’

Legal restrictions mean Grace’s murderer’s identity is still protected, even as he was allowed to make uncontested claims about her sex life. ‘His name and face were protected and his personal life left alone, while Grace’s image was tainted with twisted claims about her personal life and victim-blaming language,’ says Lucy. ‘At times, it honestly felt like it was Grace on trial and not him. What is even more terrifying is that he could have got away with it, at times I was worried that he would.’

So far, 59 UK women have been killed by men who claimed they ‘consented’ to violent sex. Labour’s Harriet Harman calls this increasing trend (also used in numerous assault cases) the modern equivalent of saying ‘she was asking for it’. Along with Mark Garnier MP, she has tabled amendments to the Domestic Abuse Bill to end the ‘rough sex’ defence. Our petition calls on the Government to pass the bill and their amendments, something that, ahead of the election, all three major party leaders last week told Grazia they would do – but change is not yet guaranteed.

‘This law change is enormously important,’ says Harman. ‘It will put an end to men literally getting away with murder... We must end the culture of excuses where men blame women for the violence that they inflicted on her.’

‘The only person to blame for Grace’s death is the man who murdered her; who then had the audacity to instruct his defence to try and blame her for his actions,’ adds Chloe. ‘It’s despicable that society has let this defence be used in a courtroom.’

Now, her friends want Grace to be remembered as the ‘truly special’ person she was. ‘Grace was intelligent, bubbly, compassionate and always smiling,’ says Lydia. ‘We are so lucky to have found Grace and been in her life. She truly was everyone’s sunshine and we miss her more than words can say. I seek comfort in remembering all the good times we spent together, but I grieve the future memories that have been stolen from us.’

It’s important for them, given all that’s been said about Grace, that people understand who she was. ‘Grace Millane is more than just a headline. She had the most infectious laugh and a smile that could light up a room,’ says Chloe. ‘She was also a talented artist and hockey player. But the most important thing about her was that she loved her family and friends with her whole being.

‘Grace was a strong, courageous, brave and sassy woman who knew herself completely and loved those around her deeply. Grace was never afraid to speak her mind. [She] always talked about her family and it was only when I met them... that I saw the strength that Grace had was seen in all of her family. Grace truly is a credit to her family and the way that they have carried themselves throughout this past year is something that can only be admired. I am proud to know them.’

‘Grace was fiercely loyal and bubbly,’ says Lucy. ‘Her smile would light up any room she walked into. Grace had a real joy and zest for life. She was so outgoing, so ready to take on every opportunity she was given. She had so much love; her wall at uni was filled with pictures of her family, her dogs, her friends. She is missed by so many, which shows how many people’s lives she touched, and how many people love her. She was brilliant, she was motivated, she dreamed of travelling the world after all of her hard work at university. She had her whole life ahead of her.’

They hope, too, that once Parliament has resumed, much-needed change will finally happen. ‘Losing Grace was the worst thing that happened to us, and it’s bittersweet to see that her death is bringing about much-needed change when all we want is for her to be back in our lives,’ says Chloe. ‘But change is happening, and it is beginning to feel like another world is possible – we won’t ever stop fighting for her cause.’

To sign Grazia’s petition, please visit graziadaily.co.uk/end-rough-sex-defence

READ MORE: The Man Accused Of Killing Grace Millane Has Been Found Guilty