No, not that kind of feminism. Not the theory of women's equality or the history of suffrage or the First Wave or the Third Wave or 18 million tiny cracks in the glass ceiling.

I'm talking about FeminismTM, as in the largest feminist advocacy organizations in the country raising millions of dollars to fight on behalf of women.

And I'm wondering if FeminismTM is really such a good investment.

You know those emails? The ones from NOW and NARAL and Emily's List that declare, with great urgency and lots of ALL CAPS and exclamation marks, that you must give money right now? Stop this bill! Block this nominee! Protect Roe! Save the Supreme Court! And give, give, give!!!

And since you often agree -- why yes, I do want to stop this bill; why no, I do not want that nominee confirmed -- you click and give. It won't stop this bill or block that nominee, but you will get another email at the next crisis.

And it's always a crisis. Even under a Democratic president, with a Democratic supermajority in Congress, the nation's biggest feminist organizations are in crisis mode, raising money but unable to deliver results. They're just as effective as they were under Bush. Which is to say, Not. At. All.

The one legislative accomplishment we've seen in recent years was the passage of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. Good legislation, certainly, and better than nothing, but that's it. Still, you can bet that come Fall, the Democrats and the feminist organizations that support them will be reminding us, ad nauseum, that at least they did that one good thing. Sure, ladies, we sold you out on reproductive health care -- again -- but hey! You get to sue your boss when you find out he's paying you less than your male counterparts. You're welcome! Don't forget to vote Democrat to protect women. And give, give, give!!!

In the last decade, we've seen more restrictions on women’s reproductive health, more government-funded sex (mis)education, and budget cuts everywhere -- for after school and early education programs, for employment and training programs, for programs to fight domestic violence -- all of which directly and disproportionately impact women.

And at every step backwards, the major feminist organizations have been powerless to stop it. Or just plain absent.

Look at how Emily's List tried "stop Stupak."

Despite Bart Stupak’s July letter announcing his (and eighteen co-signers’) intent to submit an amendment to health care reform further restricting American women’s reproductive rights, Village insider Ellen Malcolm waited until [November 14] to sound the alarm, while list-building and fundraising on a purported petition to Harry Reid to "Stop Stupak."

In other words, Emily's List didn't bother to raise awareness of the threat to reproductive rights when it might have mattered. You know, before Congress voted on the Stupak Amendment.

Over the summer, while members of Congress were speaking with their constituents about what should and shouldn't be included in the health care bill, where were the feminist organizations? They weren't mobilizing the millions of women across the country who would have been only too glad to raise their voices in opposition. Guess it just wasn't a good time.

No, they were busy sitting on their hands, apparently waiting for the eleventh hour, waiting for it to be a crisis.

Meanwhile, the nation watched wall-to-wall coverage of teabaggers screaming nonsense about socialist death panels. And that tiny fringe of teabaggers, with their signs and their slogans and their stunts, was so effective that they actually succeeded in killing the part of the bill they found objectionable. Score? Teabaggers: 1, Feminists: Big, fat zero.

In the Senate, it was worse. It was an embarrassment. Senators Boxer and Murray, who went to the Senate in 1992 with huge support from these very same feminist organizations, both fought for the Nelson "compromise." They didn't care that all of these organizations lined up against the Nelson Amendment. And they certainly didn't care about stopping any further restrictions on access to reproductive health.

See, Boxer and Murray are from two blue, liberal, pro-choice states that probably won't opt out of abortion coverage. So Senators Boxer and Murray know they won’t be receiving calls from their constituents. Nah, let the senators from the virulently anti-choice states deal with the fallout when their constituents get screwed.

Besides, what are the feminist organizations going to do -- send urgent emails to raise money to take a stand against that awful enemy of women, Barbara Boxer? After all, if women can’t trust Barbara Boxer, just where are they supposed to go?

Maybe it's a good thing Ellen Malcolm, President of Emily's List, just announced her retirement. Better to jump from the sinking ship and save herself than have to answer to all the women who were completely taken by surprise when the Democrats tossed them under the bus in the name of health care reform because, well, Emily's List, among others, couldn't be bothered to lift a finger until after the fact.

This is the pattern we've watched for years -- too little, too late, with nothing to show for it.

Wanna guess what these same feminist organizations consider one of their biggest accomplishments during the Bush years?

A march.

Yep, a march. Like the March for Women’s Lives in 1986. And 1989. And half a dozen other marches where women carried the same signs and chanted the same slogans that haven't won any converts in a generation. In fact, last year’s Pew Research Center showed support for abortion rights has actually decreased in recent years.

Yet organizers called the march an "overwhelming success," claiming to have sent a powerful message of "No more" to the president.

No more? Try four more years. Bush was re-elected later that year -- with greater support from women than he received in 2000. Another few decades of "overwhelming successes" like that, and we'll all be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, wistfully remembering the old days when they used to let us vote and own property.

So much for "No more." But here, have another urgent email. Donate another ten bucks. It won’t stop a damn thing, but maybe it’ll make you feel a little better. And hey, it's great for the bottom line of FeminismTM.

And maybe the bottom line is what matters.

Remember way back in the fall of 2008, when one clever person decided to donate to Planned Parenthood in "honor" of Sarah Palin?

"Make a donation to Planned Parenthood," the anonymous e-mail message urged. "Of any amount. In Sarah Palin’s name." The message, which began circulating widely on the Internet last week, had one more instruction: request that the personalized thank-you card from Planned Parenthood be sent to Ms. Palin, the Republican vice-presidential nominee and a vocal opponent of abortion, at the McCain-Palin campaign headquarters in Virginia. So far, the scheme seems to be getting a strong response. As of Friday, Planned Parenthood had taken in $802,678 in donations from 31,313 people, said a spokesman for the organization, Tait Sye. More than two-thirds of the individuals are first-time donors to Planned Parenthood, Mr. Sye said, and money came in from all 50 states.

Nearly a million dollars raised for women's health care, not by any of these organizations asking for money, but by one anonymous email. If it really is about the bottom line, if feminist advocacy has been reduced to how much money can be raised, what purpose do these organizations serve that can't be achieved by one person with a good idea and dial-up?

Perhaps it is time for women to examine whether the largest organizations that claim to represent them are really delivering on their promises.

They’ve failed to organize the millions of supporters they have into a coherent and powerful movement. 'Cause when your movement looks like an amateur mess compared with the "keep your government hands off my Medicare" teabaggers, you're doing something wrong.

They’ve failed to frame the debate and influence how we talk about issues that affect women’s lives. While they're still arguing about "choice" -- a word that persuades no one and narrowly focuses the conversation on abortion instead of the full spectrum of reproductive health -- opponents are thinking up clever new phrases to use incessantly and force into the public consciousness until they become law. "Partial birth abortion." "Rights of the preborn." "Culture of life."

They’ve failed to make women’s rights a legislative priority for the very representatives they help send to Congress. And if their supposed allies don't worry about losing support of the feminist organizations, certainly their opponents don't lose a lot of sleep over invoking the almighty wrath of the feminists. What's the worst they can do? Organize another march? Hey, that might actually be great news for Republicans!

They’ve failed to adapt their movement and their message to a new era and a new generation of would-be feminists. Where are the bumper sticker slogans, the tactics, the refreshed, revised 21st century approach to a problem as old as time? Are they using the internet for anything more than urgent emails and processing donations? Where are the clever YouTube videos by a new generation of feminists talking about how this or that bill affects them? Where is the television presence? Where are the bloggers? (Oh, there are plenty of feminist bloggers out there, but they’re not being supported or promoted or elevated by the feminist organizations, who still think the internet is primarily for sending email. For example, guess who the "featured blogger" on Emily's List is? Why, it's Ellen Malcolm, the president.)

They’ve failed –- time and again, in any number of ways, under Republican and Democratic administrations. And if they don't figure that out, and figure out how to change it, they will become irrelevant. We already know how to raise money with the internet, and we don't need Ellen Malcolm, or her successor, or any of her FeminismTM counterparts to do it.

We know all of this. Apparently, they don't. But if they don't find a way to start delivering on those promises and offering something in exchange for the donations given in moments of crisis, eventually, women won't respond to those urgent emails with more money.

Instead, they'll just demand a refund.