Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Note: Since the fate of the world seems to hinge on blogrolls these days, C&J has increased its roster to two: The Poop Report and The Fart Farm. I'm sorry DailyKos didn’t make the list, but I just don’t read it.

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By the Numbers:

Days ‘til Memorial Day: 104

Days 'til George Bush leaves office: 705

Number of relief agencies that once operated in Iraq: 300

Number that have pulled out: 220

(Source: USA Today via The Week)

Surge in the price of roses just before Valentine's Day: 30%

(Source: SmartMoney)

Number of laptops stolen from the FBI every month: 3-4

(Source: CBS Radio News)

Inches of snow expected in Portland today: 12"

Mid-week Rapture Index: 160 (including six morning-after pills and one Speaker of the House trying to catch a plane to California) Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: What I imagine Andy Rooney will come back as in his next life.

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CHEERS to the running man. As the centerpiece of the Air America network (fast approaching its third anniversary), Al Franken mixed fact, wit and activism to push back against the right-wing sleazecasters. Today he trades in his headphones for a soapbox as he announces his bid to unseat Senator Norm Coleman next year (Thom Hartmann takes the midday mic starting Monday). Good luck, Al---you're good enough, you're smart enough, and, doggone it...kick him in the balls.

JEERS to Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hysteria. During yesterday's anti-escalation resolution debate, Rep. John Boehner of the Republic party went from obnoxious jerk to opportunistic crybaby and back to obnoxious jerk in 10.6 seconds---a new record. To quote Master Thespian: "Acting! Genius!"

CHEERS to cowering before the grownups. One---one!!---month after Democrats took over Congress, North Korea started sniveling like a baby, agreeing to shut down its Yongbyon nuclear complex within 60 days and allow inspectors back in. Amazing what happens when you threaten to cancel a Hollywood-loving dictator's Netflix account.

JEERS to slime-sucking hypocrites. Which party screams "Support the Troops" loudest? The Republic party. Which party, in reality, screws the troops by throwing them into a bogus war, failing to provide adequate armor, and then slashing medical care for veterans? Oh, take a guess.

CHEERS to women on the move. On this date in 1920, the League of Women Voters was founded in Chicago under the direction of president Maude Wood Park. It still amazes me how hard women had to fight for basic equality in the land of "liberty and justice for all." Guys: tonight you cook.

JEERS to the straight-talk train wreck. More nonsense from Senator John McCain. Seems he's afraid the insurgents will try something shady to chop the legs from under America's rock-ribbed support of the Iraq War:

"[A] lot of us are also very concerned about the possibility of a, quote, 'Tet Offensive.' You know, some large-scale tact that could then switch American public opinion the way that the Tet Offensive did."

Small hitch: Sixty three percent of Americans are already Tetted out ("Fallujah'd out," if you will). Either he's totally ignorant of reality...or he's totally ignoring reality. My, how presidential.

CHEERS to new additions. On February 14, 1859, Oregon officially joined the Union, and 53 years later Arizona followed suit. The former is called the "Beaver" state. The latter other is the "Grand Canyon" state. And your mind is filthy.

HOLY MAMA! to the unbearable whiteness of being. In Redfield, New York, 12 feet of snow has fallen in the last 10 days, guaranteeing them a white Christmas even if not a single flake falls in the next 314 days (fat chance). Today it's New England's turn, with up to two feet expected. Or as they call it in Redfield: a dusting.

CHEERS to paying attention. A new USA Today/Gallup poll has bad news for senators who belong to the Republic party. It seems that John and Jane Q. Citizen are paying close attention to their dithering:

The Senate's failure to act last week rankled nearly two-thirds of those surveyed. By 51%-19%, they blamed Republicans. In a party-line vote, Senate Republicans refused to cut off debate and let action proceed on a resolution opposing the troop increase.

Like cows stampeding toward a cliff. (Have a nice trip!)

JEERS to weird welcomes. In Herouxville, Quebec, Muslim immigrants have been told that the town will not tolerate them stoning women to death in their back yard, burning them alive, or throwing acid on them. They added: "We hope this clears up any confusion."

CHEERS to the Valentine's Day Bandit. Every February 14th, a mysterious someone goes around Portland's downtown in the wee hours and tapes big red hearts on virtually every street-level window. Mainly because it takes our mind off the previous week's visit by the Genital Warts Awareness Day Bandit.

CHEERS to home vegetation. Out this week on DVD: Marty (can I call you Marty?) Scorcese's crowd-pleaser The Departed. Meanwhile Harry Knowles has his February pix picks up at Ain't It Cool News. So many discs...so little time.

CHEERS to America's mom. The perpetually sunny Florence Henderson (aka Carol Brady) turns 73 today. You did send her a card, right?

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Two Years Ago in C&J: February 14, 2005—Guckert/Gannon Gets Busted...

CHEERS to AmericaBlog. Assuming their research is correct, the Jeff Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt Gannon Guckert scandal just took a turn down a rathole of the lewd and obscene. The mainstream media will have to struggle mightily to ignore this one. Somehow we suspect they'll manage.

JEERS to G's Whiz. Part of Jeff Gannon's...um, online portfolio...includes a photo of him indiscriminately peeing on the floor. Three words come immediately to our mind: His poor parents.

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And just one more...

JEERS to the BBC. I'm afraid they may have tarnished their sterling reputation by reporting that toilet paper use is heaviest among the British (29 pounds flushed per year) and Americans (34.5 pounds per year). Our dear friends at The Poop Report say the news agency may have gotten duped by corporate shills trying to gin up publicity for...black toilet paper. Will we ever...trust them...again?

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Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless Testimonial:

"From a practical point of view, some time in the future, Cheers and Jeers is going to threaten Earth with an impact and we'll need to do something about it."

---Astronomer Daniel Durda

Southwest Research Institute

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