Hoffman has a doughnut all his own

Shipley Do-Nuts, Houston's iconic doughnut chain, will introduce the "Hoffy Twist" this week, the first sweet treat to join my Hoffy Collection of Haute Cuisine.

Shipley's new doughnut joins the "Hoffy Burger" at Demeris Bar-B-Q (three locations in Houston) and the "Ken Hoffman New York Hot Dog" at Minute Maid Park.

I've got feelers out for an appetizer and drink.

My name on the menu is my legacy. I didn't win the Pulitzer Prize this year, again, but I've got a Shipley doughnut named after me. When the big sequester hits, you can't eat a chocolate-frosted Pulitzer.

I don't bother entering journalism contests anymore. They're culturally biased against me. The Pulitzer doesn't even have categories for "Adopt-a-Dog" or "My Wrestlemania Predictions" or "What Color is Dominique's Hair This Week?"

Behind the scenes: See how the Hoffman doughnut is made

When it comes to burgers and doughnuts, I stand behind every menu item with my name on it.

The "Hoffy Burger" is a half pound of Certified Angus Beef, thick-sliced bacon, cheddar cheese, a big honking onion ring and barbecue sauce on a toasted sweet sourdough bun. It's spectacularly delicious. Yonny Demeris and I created this burger in 2008, and if we sued every imitator, we'd be on the witness stand longer than Jodi Arias.

More Information What other foods should be named after Ken? Post to Twitter with the #hoffytwist hashtag.

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The "Ken Hoffman New York Hot Dog" is a jumbo frank with Gulden's Spicy Brown Mustard and sauerkraut on a freshly baked bun. Do not even think of putting ketchup on my hot dog.

The "Hoffy Twist" is the cherry on top of my signature cuisine.

Shipley owner Lawrence Shipley III and I worked on creating this doughnut for years. Night after night, we burned the midnight vegetable oil in Shipley's test kitchen, combining hundreds of flavors and textures, searching for perfection with a hole in the middle.

Frankly, we had just about given up.

Then I figured … the No. 1 Shipley seller is the plain glazed doughnut, so simple, yet elegant.

"The hot, fresh glazed doughnut is what made this company," Shipley said. "Glazed doughnuts account for 70 percent of our business."

It hit me in the head like tae kwon do … nut. What if we took a glazed doughnut, laced it with cinnamon, dipped it in chocolate icing … and made it HUGE?

Was I daring to dream too big?

Shipley and I returned to the test kitchen and struck pay dirt the next night. We started with the cinnamon dough used to make bear claws. We rolled it into thick rope and spun it into a twist. Then we glazed it and dipped it in dark, rich chocolate icing.

Total calories: about a billion. Fat grams: 10 to the 23rd power. Flavor: in the words of Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

It's the most fantastic doughnut ever - even for Shipley, and everybody loves Shipley. It's part of who we are in Houston. The rest of the country can have Dunkin' Donuts and Krispy Kreme. We'll take a dozen hot Shipley glazed, thank you.

And when we show up at the office, there are only nine doughnuts in the bag. I wonder how that happened?

"The Hoffy Twist" will sell for $1.35 - the new star of Shipley's premium doughnuts. It's really the size and heft of two doughnuts.

I took a box home and handed them out in my neighborhood. The twist received raves. Typical comment: "Where have you been all my life?"

My neighbors are very lonely.

The "Hoffy Twist" will be introduced Thursday morning at the following Shipley Do-Nuts stores: 5225 Bellaire Blvd., 1209 Dairy Ashford, 6545 Bissonnet and 979 Bunker Hill.

Get there early. Shipley starts cranking out fresh hot doughnuts at 3 a.m.

My doughnut will reach all 245 Shipleys by May 1. Shipley has stores in Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas and Tennessee. This part of the country is called the "Doughnut Belt."

As in, "I need to loosen my Doughnut Belt."

You will notice that I don't lend my name to any product at just any restaurant. Shipley, Demeris and Minute Maid Park are treasures of Houston fine dining.

Every so often, a disc jockey will call and say, "My local deli has named a pimento cheese sandwich after me."

I laugh at them. Get a hot dog in a Major League Baseball stadium and we'll talk, hot shot. You stick to commercials for replacement windows; I'll handle the sandwiches.

The first Shipley Do-Nuts opened on the corner of Houston and Crockett in 1936. Lawrence Shipley Sr., a former coal miner from Arkansas, developed a recipe for gourmet doughnut flour in his garage and picked Houston to chase his fortune.

The flour recipe hasn't changed since '36. But the doughnuts have gotten lots better.

"My grandfather used lard to fry his doughnuts. It was my father who changed to 100 percent vegetable oil. That made our doughnuts lighter and fluffier and less greasy," Shipley said.

"My father also decided to make the doughnuts bigger."

We love bigger in Houston!