A few months ago, I had a pitch turned down by a white editor, who suggested in his response that my idea was too characteristic of an average white Brooklyn author. I had to point out I wasn’t white—not strictly, at least—and rather than let his understandably casual assumption prompt an entire interrogation about his views on race, I chose to accept the apology and move on. But the question stuck in my head, days later: What was I trying to prove, and why?

Humans love to make predictions regarding anything, and race is no exception. If only the black-white binary could be demolished in favor of a glorious gray through which we all swim, a world where “What are you?” is asked without any suspicious undertones. But while the optimistic view says that future generations should be less racist, all it takes is one look at a blackface costume spotted at a college fraternity party to see how it’s still possible to grow up in America without any understanding of history. The numbers also suggest that white millennials have, on average, similar views on race as their elders—views that ultimately keep that binary in place.

Whether those disparate, fractured views will be annealed into something stronger is past the point of speculation. I imagine the true post-racial future rising out of education, empathy, and tolerance for how little our neighbor might know—an understanding that while utopia isn’t possible we might, at least, pull each other up one by one. But all too often, I’m struck by the fear that people don’t really want to live in a world where everyone is on the same level. They want to claw out a parcel of power for themselves, and people who agree with them. Human nature will trump ideology; distrust will reign; we’ll struggle to complete a puzzle because no one will envision the bigger picture.

If I’m frustrated, it’s because I’ve lived a firsthand experience of what part of the future might look like. As corny as it is, there’s no force as galvanizing as love. Perhaps it’s as easy as coupling up—that as we mix together, our understanding will grow, with all of the attendant messiness of working it out. But that messiness has to be better than remaining apart, right? Who but the most pessimistic could agree? As the multiracial population increases, there’s proof that part of the country is moving forward, at least in this one way. It’s a slow process, though. We’ve been at it for decades and have only this to show for it.