Things — from reports to news items — that made me scratch, shake, or nod my head this past week:

Biden vs. Trump — Let’s get ready to rumble … or stumble. Former Vice President Joe Biden, in response to a question this past week following a speech in Florida, said this: “They asked me would I like to debate this gentleman (Trump), and I said no. I said, ‘If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.’”

Biden repeated remarks he made two years ago, but this time reviving them in connection to Trump’s alleged treatment of women. Of course, Trump took the high road, stayed mum and squarely focused on jobs, the economy, taxes, and prevailing interest and home mortgage rates affecting working and middle-class Americans like yours truly.

I’m just kidding.

“Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy,” Trump fired back Thursday through, what else, a tweet.

“Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault,” said Trump, who advocated much the same to protesters at rallies during his campaign. “He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. Don’t threaten people Joe!”

Now, now, you two rambunctious, septuagenarian kids, settle down. I have an idea. How about a pay-per-view boxing match held at the Xcel Energy Center in the heart of the Saintly City? Proceeds from the match can go to a favorite charity or help defray Trump’s mounting legal fees. Now, please no more than three rounds (people who never boxed have no idea how long and exhausting a three-minute round can seem).

If you think this is immature, barbaric or juvenile, I remind you that politicians in our country’s early history settled disputes the honorable way — a pistol duel to the death. Burr and Hamilton come to mind. Some boxing experts predicted two years ago that Trump would win because, as one mused to USA Today: “Trump is down and dirty.”

Truer words were never spoken. But their opinions are tainted by the fact these so-called experts all made money from Trump-sponsored fights at his now-defunct casinos and hotels in Atlantic City and elsewhere years ago.

Though Trump is four years younger, three inches taller, though at least 40 pounds heavier, my money’s on Scranton Joe.

No more new sheriff in town? I have a hunch that the 87 elected county sheriffs in Minnesota and across the country will not like this one bit. I’m talking here about a study published this month in the Virginia Law Review that calls for the abolition of or significant reform of the county sheriff post.

Although an election “creates a perception that the sheriff is a local county officer, this (report) argues that this perception is inaccurate because the sheriff is independent of the county and is actually, in many important ways, an agent of the state,” argues James Tomberlin of the University of Virginia Law School.

The office of sheriff is not only anachronistic, but also unaccountable to the public in spite of elections, he argues in his research report. Tomberlin cites high-profile incidents in recent years where sheriffs were not held accountable by any entity until well after scandals broke:

In LA, the sheriff’s department, “upon discovering one of their inmates was a confidential informant for the FBI investigating the sheriff’s office, moved the informant from location to location in order to keep him out of contact with his FBI handlers.”

In Arizona, controversial former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio forced prisoners to stay outside in the desert in a “tent city” where internal temperatures reached upward of 145 degrees Fahrenheit, and once “paraded prisoners in pink underwear and flip-flops between jail facilities.”

Tomberlin believes abolishing sheriffs in favor of a professionally run county police department beholden to county government officials — which some states have implemented — is the way to go in most jurisdictions.

“What the sheriff represents — rugged individualism, anti-bureaucratic impulse, democratic populism — are deeply held American values,” Tomberlin notes in his study. “However, the critical consensus today is that policing requires robust regulation, and it is evident in studying sheriffs that elections alone are not sufficient to regulate law enforcement.”

Not surprisingly, Hennepin County Sheriff Rich Stanek, the state’s most visible and media- and politics-savvy sheriff, disputes Tomberlin’s take on things.

Stanek’s office currently provides contract police services to four suburban cities and one “unorganized territory,” Fort Snelling. It also provides crime lab services to 35 of the 36 police departments in the county and patrols the three rivers and 104 lakes in the county, according to a spokesperson. It also provides dispatch services for 25 law enforcement agencies and 23 fire departments.

“In Minnesota, our sheriffs are licensed peace officers, many with 25 years or more of law enforcement experience,” Stanek, who not coincidentally announced his re-election campaign last month, informed me in an email. “As a licensed peace officer, sheriffs must go through the same annual qualifications as the deputies they hire.

“An elected sheriff is held directly accountable to the voters of their county, instead of reporting to a mayor or governing body,” he added. “As the chief law enforcement officers of the county, it is important that the Office of Sheriff remain independent to ensure public safety focuses on what is best for the community, rather than politics.”

Frankly, abolition or reform will be a tough sell here in the Gopher State and elsewhere. But Tomberlin’s take is intriguing.

Big Brother scores a win — Store video surveillance, cellphone tower triangulation mixed with valuable human witness information helped authorities track down the elusive and deadly serial bomber in Texas. We are now living, whether we like it or not, in such a digitally monitored society where if you are not on camera somewhere in public, you are probably and most likely inside a restroom or a locker room.

And I’m not sure anymore there’s not someone or something peeping or taping in those places. That’s why I dutifully flush and wash my hands and put my socks on first before my pants. I don’t want to show up one day on YouTube or Instagram. But still, kudos to the folks and the technology that helped identify and ultimately stop this troubled young man from hurting or killing more people.