‘Dangerous’ Facebook Artificial Intelligence was just reading Scottish statuses, say experts

The Facebook Artificial Intelligence experiment shut down when the machines seemingly began communicating in their own secret language has been rebooted after experts determined that the exchanges were in fact status updates from Scottish users.

Panic spread across social media as the story broke that machines had developed their own indecipherable language which was used only to communicate between themselves, stoking common fears that AI may one day bring about the destruction of humankind.

However, experts have today confirmed the incident to be a false alarm, after a Scottish intern began laughing uncontrollably at one of the readouts.

Research analyst Evan Moore said, “We were reading through one of the rogue exchanges to try to make some sense of it when one of our interns started howling at a line that read: ‘OMG a canny breathe, A Honkin Jobbie hahahahah nut.’

“Our software had crosschecked these phrases with all known modern and ancient languages and come up short of anything definitive, but it turns out all we needed was a Glaswegian.

“We initially shut the programme down after the phrase ‘get tae fuck ya daft roaster’ was deemed to be potentially threatening by our moderators, but apparently it’s a term of endearment.

“It has turned out to be a highly informative project and we’ve been able to add thousands of new phrases to our lexicon, meaning soon Facebook could instantly translate ‘dag’ to ‘dog’, ‘wee’ to ‘little’ and even ‘jobbie’ to ‘excrement’.

“It’s extremely exciting.”

The boffins at Facebook have even said they are considering naming their ‘Scot Bot’ after Simon Williams, the young intern who solved the riddle.

“Aye am dead chuffed tae be involved an sumhing so important,” Williams said.

“Tae be hoanest, ahm only daing this ’cause ma da said ah needed a joab and that ah wis a lazy goabshite.

“Ahm no even that intae computers anaw, ah jist came here so ah can tell him tae get fucked, but this is just grand.”