My most recent development in this esoteric rat race has been interesting to say the least. Let me start by saying the title might be a little misleading, so I’m not advocating in any way finding a teacher. I have a history with “teachers” and I’m not inclined to suggest them to anyone. I’ve said previously that I don’t call myself a buddhist, and it’s for a good reason, the hierarchy present in buddhist thought, even the suggested hierarchy is not to my liking, and the ideology that this presents within the community leads to inevitable confusion. When all are equals, there presents no need for teachers, as everyone is a teacher and a student at all times, this has an amazing utility in many fields but the path of self seeking it’s paramount; in my complete unashamed opinion.

I recently called a tibetan buddhist center to ask about the various non-mind, non-body states I’ve been experiencing, because I wanted to compare notes and see how others maneuver through them, as the states can’t be willed I’ve found, unlike any normal out of body experience, they’re independent and the more one tries to move it the more one remembers the “self,” and the desire to move. So to recap, the body-less pure experience state without thought can’t been willed to move because one must first have a desire to do so, so basically one has to create a desire and then a movement, and to do that one must first remember one’s physical self, because the physical self is used to having desires. Extreme insanity from an outsiders perspective, I’m sure, but what would you do if you found this pure experience in meditation? Start a religion?

When I called the center, I asked the person who picked up the phone, “hey I’m calling because I have a few questions about meditation, I’ve been entering these non-body states and I wanted to talk to someone who has experience maneuvering through them because some of them can be uncomfortable.” He took my name and number and said he’d call back, and yes I did say some of them are uncomfortable: imagine looking out at infinity knowing it’s yours to experience forever, because this shifting insanity is so much more than the simple mundane existence in this cul-de-sac we call our lives, and you’re the driver.

A few days go by and he calls me back, he gave me the name and number of a llama and to save face I won’t mention his name. I gave it a few hours, I had things to do that day, and gave him a call. After a brief introduction I didn’t dive in, but said that I was calling because I’ve been experiencing this thing and I wanted to know if he has, and what the procedure was after you start having these experiences. He said without addressing this phenomena, that I need a teacher, to go directly to my local buddhist center and find one.

The thing is, I’ve tried that side of things, I’ve been to a few different buddhist centers to meditate with a group, for a time I really relished the idea of having a sanga (or community) that I could rely on, but ultimately I left because my experiences have shown me that this “belief” structure doesn’t hold much water when it comes to the ineffable face of reality, and I eventually leave because I don’t want to disagree or cause problems within the group. So I told him, I’ve tried going to a buddhist center, and when I was there, the sanga was saying the point of meditation was to quiet the mind completely, I told him, since I’ve been meditating my whole life, this wasn’t a problem for me, so I asked them, “so what happens next?” and it really didn’t go over well. Because here I was, a stranger to this community, claiming to be able to do something that they couldn’t, either I’m a liar, or (at this stage of development) I’m seen as somehow superior, and the mood really shifted there, and it wasn’t something I was keen on repeating.

He moved on to say that I could find a nice woman teacher, and hearing this I was confused, because it really took a turn that I wasn’t expecting. “A woman teacher?” I asked, “yeah! a nice young woman teacher!” he said. As if that were enticing, and would hold it’s own ground. So I decided to attack the root of this whole teacher idea, “You think I need a teacher, let me ask you, who was the first teacher?” “The Buddah!” He said quite predictably, “and who, taught the buddah?” I asked, “Well, are you familiar with the story of the buddah?” He said. “Yes, the buddah had teachers,” unfortunately the circular logic escaped him so I tried this: “I’ve meditated my whole life, since I was a kid, and I’ve realized that most of this is as simple as listening, that no words, or ideas really hold weight there, but the simple nature of experience itself, consciousness unbound, now I called to ask about navigating these spaces, do you know anything about it?” he paused, “no sorry, I can’t help you, you need either a good book, or a teacher, don’t call me, I’m busy, goodbye,” and he hung up.

I wondered if I rubbed him the wrong way, or gave a little too much insanity, maybe I was too forward? What it comes down to is I called a stranger for help, and it didn’t work out. I wish he would have said that he could help me find a teacher or someone I could actually talk to about it if he was really invested in that idea, but I think the more one talks about a philosophy or ideology, the further one is from it, and this is also true for me.

Some states I won’t talk about because they were so unique to me, I don’t want to spoil them, and it took me a while to be able to get back to that mindless/bodyless place after I first wrote about the experience, because I became attached to it. The thing is, these words we speak, and write with tangle the mind with concepts that are needless. The tao-te-ching is the most definitive holy text I’ve encountered, that still holds true for me since I first read it, “The name you can say, isn’t the true name,” and it’s true still, doing away with words entirely is impossible in this world of communication, but knowing how to do it reliably in meditation is how you get to these weird states I’ve been experiencing.



I have more to say, but I think I’ll call it here for the night.