Many times I have talked to a man or woman who is not happy with a relationship. Almost always, it is because the person I am talking to is not giving what the other person wants.

All people are selfish, some more than others, but it was written thousands of years ago that it is actually happier to give than to receive. Sounds hard to believe, but it really is true. When you give, good always comes back to you. Whether you call it karma or the law of sowing and reaping, it always works.

However, to change a relationship that has been a problem for many years won’t happen overnight. It takes time and persistence.Here are some questions to ask yourself that can really improve any relationship:

What things do you do to improve your loved one’s life?

If you could write what you do to improve your loved one’s life, what do you do to help her/him

a. achieve what she wants

b.avoid what he doesn’t want

c. preserve what they want to keep

How do your loved ones describe you? What words do they use?

What does your loved one value? What benefits does he/she seek or expect from you?

What are several things you do that your loved one values?

Why does your loved one love you?

After doing marriage counseling for many years Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The Five Love Languages.” He found that everyone wants one or more of these. The five categories are:

Kind words Quality time Gifts Acts of service Physical touch

If you can find out what your loved one wants most, you can save yourself a lot of energy and wasted effort. You can quit sacrificing to give him/her what she doesn’t really want and give what she does want. It frees you up to spend energy where it is most efficient and you can quit doing a lot of things that you did in the past that got no results.

Kind words are things you say that show you love, value and respect someone.

Quality time means you are not too busy to spend plenty of time together.

Gifts: some people especially like to receive gifts or go shopping for their own gifts.

Acts of service means that you do something, like cook, take out the garbage, etc.

Physical touch means that you find out how the person likes to be touched and do it regularly.

More ideas for success at www.bradstanton.com/ten-keys-to-success/