Anna rolled out of bed, and patted her mess of hair gingerly. Today she was starting her very first last day of school at her very first last new school, because her father was a meanie mcstinky face who liked to change jobs for virtually no reason. Oh, and he was a mega-billionaire who liked to get on a boat and leave his family for months at a time, while Anna's mom was left running the family business. Oh, and Anna's mom has like, zero aptitude for the family business, because it's not her family business. Her family business (Anna's mom's, not Anna's, oh my gosh that would be insane!) was Nordic fishing, while Anna's dad's family business was doing some sort of business hokey-pokey where he turned himself around and pulled a Tywin Lannister and shat gold.

Anna Arendelle was a nineteen year old strawberry blonde pseudo-ginger, because of the freckles, and she was totally self-conscious because the stupid freckles went into all sorts of inappropriate places. Never mind that her skin kept her *alive,* sheesh. Her measurements were [redacted], and her boyfriend Hans was always telling her to [redacted.] Not that she listened to him, oh golly gee no. Anna was a true Lady, not a [redacted]. Oh, and Anna was nineteen and a senior because she got held back in Kindergarten because she couldn't read that good, having dyslexia or Irlin's Syndrome or some reading disorder, but it had magically gotten better because reading specialists are full of a bunch of froufrou-ey nonsense, even if actual reading specialists are amazing and should make more.

Throughout all of that mystic exposition, Anna managed to get completely dressed and ready for school in less than five minutes, with nary a hair out of place. Despite nearly all girls shouting that it was impossible to create two perfectly centered ginger pigtail braids, brush teeth, wash one's face, and apply make-up in that time, Anna somehow manages to do it. She was out the door wearing her silver high heel shoes in a flash, before pivoting and saying "I wish I was at school right now!"...

...and magically appearing.

Anna didn't like letting people know she had magic wormhole jumping powers, because they always asked for favors. Like, the one time Kristoff need to [redacted], and his pet reindeer Sven wouldn't [redacted]. So, she tried to keep it on the down-low, which naturally meant that all the students that she had never met before instantly knew, using the teenage collective hive-mind, as well as all of the faculty and staff under the age of 30.

So, as she walked into Chemistry and took her seat with her lab partner, Hans, who had followed her move cross-country just to be with her, and to know her in the biblical sense, she took a seat near the front, where a blonde chick was sitting at the teacher's desk, typing on the teacher's computer.

"Man, she's hot," Anna said out-loud, before looking over and Hans, covering her mouth with her hand, and giggling.

"Yeah, if I was single, I'd tap that," Hans agreed.

"Don't talk like that, Hans! It's disgusting!" Anna argued.

"You're right, Anna darling, I'm too much of a suave gentleman, and heir to a business empire that specializes in dealing with the underground. I can't be caught fawning over such a fine piece of [redacted] when I have my own sitting right here besides me."

In reality, like, Hans was thinking, I just want to fucking murder this [redacted]. She's a [redacted], and the only reason I'm still with her is that my father told me he'll have the real love of my life, Belle [Insert Generic French Surname Here] tortured and murdered if I don't. Golly gee whiz, I just can't wait to be King! ... Wait, what?

The blonde chick chose that time to stand up, and stand in front of the class. With practically perfect posture (as well as a practically perfect posterior, Anna noted, having used her x-ray vision), the blonde cleared her throat and said, "Good morning. My name is Ms. Arendelle, and I will be your Chemistry teacher for this term. Yes, I'm only 22 and I was given up and raised by [redacted] immigrants, but don't let that fool you-I have two Ph.D's, and I'm a Pastafarian. That being said, my unusual intelligence and religious affiliations means that I can smell marijuana, cigarettes, and alcohol on you a quarter of a mile away, and the only thing I like less than a student trying to take a final while stoned is a student trying to send dirty text messages to their girlfriend while in class. Mr. Westerguard, please put your phone away now."

Hans put his phone away, but not before sending the offending [redacted] pic off to Ariel [Do Mermaids even have surnames?]. Her phone went off, and Ms. Arendelle held out her hand to take up the phone. Ariel clucked her tongue and said "Oh no you di'in't!" at the top of her underdeveloped lungs, and swung her hips wildly to like, totally give her phone to Ms. Arendelle. Ms. Arendelle took one look at the picture, and at the sender, and said, "Mr. Westerguard, Ms. [Do Mermaids even have surnames?], I will be giving this phone to Mr. Weselton so that he can look through it after school. For your sakes, I do hope you are both eighteen, seeing as if you were younger, this would constitute child pornography-even if it's legal for you two to bone in person."

Anna shot Hans a Death Glare. How dare he cheat on her with that red-headed [redacted]! And for the rest of the lesson, Anna was less than a model student, busy staring at Ms. Arendelle's [redacted], as well as fervently [redacted]. When class was over, Anna waited for the rest of the class to scamper off to their next boring class, while Anna waited behind because Ms. Arendelle somehow conveniently had her conference period during second period (which is a terrible time to have a conference, imho). "So... Were you adopted by Arendelles, or something?" Anna asked coyly, biting on her bottom lip and twirling her hair around her finger.

This kid needs to work on her seduction techniques, Ms. Arendelle thought. She's about as obvious as Bill Clinton in a room full of horny White House interns.

"No, Arendelle was my surname. My parents gave me up because of a scandal, although I know all about it from my other parents. They saved the newspaper clippings. You must be Anna, then."

Anna nodded before smiling. "You know, it's such a shame that you're my teacher. I'd love to get to know you better."

"Actually, I'm your older sister, Elsa. And we will be getting to know each other better. We won't be [redacted], though. Get to class. I don't see how your old school promoted you out of fifth grade, with math scores like these."

And with that, Anna teleported away.

A/N: I set out to make the most cringe-worthy Elsanna Modern AU fic imaginable, with some of the most overused commonly used plot devices out there, following a 9 chapter template that I may or may not have made in a fit of insanity. Yes, I can write better than this, but I'm choosing not to.