Tucker Carlson. Photo: Roy Rochlin/Getty Images

Today wasn’t exactly the slowest of news days: A sitting senator gave birth while in office for the first time ever, the Bill Cosby retrial started, and FBI agents raided the home and office of Donald Trump’s personal lawyer. But Fox News host Tucker Carlson didn’t want to get into any of those boring stories. Instead, he wanted to expose pandas for what they really are: horny.

“Pandas are sex-crazed and aggressive,” reads the lower third headline on Monday night’s episode of Tucker Carlson Tonight, which featured video footage of a panda who did not appear to be sexually aroused. Inspired by the recent Wall Street Journal story, “The Uncuddly Truth About Pandas,” Carlson was eager to disprove all the #fakenews about the bears.

TUCKER IS ON IT pic.twitter.com/UIxHXlWHxF — David Mack (@davidmackau) April 10, 2018

“You know the official story about pandas — they’re cute, they’re adorably helpless, which is why they’re almost extinct,” he started off. “But like a lot of what we hear, that’s a lie. The real panda is a secret stud with a taste for flesh and a fearsome bite.”

He didn’t stop there.

“They’re not against sex, either, they just hate unsexy zoos,” he said. “But when they’re in the wild, male pandas engage in a fierce sexual contest — the winner has sex 40 times in a single afternoon.”

To everyone who’s still in disbelief: Yes, the clip is real.

every door is a funhouse mirror and I need you to hold me and tell me whether this tucker carlson pandas thing is real — Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) April 10, 2018

For those still in disbelief that Tucker Carlson was talking about pandas instead of Trump's attorney getting raided by the feds pic.twitter.com/UP0IaappUA — Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) April 10, 2018

Since people are asking, yes, Tucker Carlson is running a Panda Sex story tonight. https://t.co/5Jh19jtlyX — Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) April 10, 2018

Rather than talk about Cohen, Tucker Carlson decided to talk about the ravaging sex drive of Pandas. I think this is a cry for help. https://t.co/EFc1ze2Zws — M.J. Mouton (@MJ_Mouton) April 10, 2018

Wait, was there a fucking panda bear in the offices of the President's attorney when federal agents came charging in with that warrant? Or is Tucker Carlson the exact opposite of a journalist and his broadcast the Platonic ideal of gibbering insanity? https://t.co/2GloibNl1K — David Simon (@AoDespair) April 10, 2018

Me: Why did they think panda sex would make us forget about Cohen?

Husband: You’re thinking about this too hard.

Me: Not as hard as Tucker Carlson is thinking about it.

Husband: I’m not sure that’s true. — Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) April 10, 2018

oh heck yeah pic.twitter.com/aEzWGrYKli — Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) April 10, 2018