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Every comically awkward surgery wishes it could be as hilariously awkward as this surgery. Penis enlargement, hemorrhoid removal, labia reduction? They have no game to bring. A fecal transplant wins the crown for being the weirdest, most awkward surgery of all time. It's taking shit from one ass and putting it, medically, into another ass. This sort of thing is considered entertainment according to certain German videos I have seen. But now doctors do it and it can save your life. Or at least improve the quality of your life, which is a completely new level of hilarious. You could right now be living a poor-quality life because the shit in your ass is just not good enough. And then you could have your shit replaced with better shit, and end up feeling better. Because of shit. You're aware of what we do with shit, right? You shit it. In the shitter.

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The reason the procedure exists is because of Clostridium difficile, a literal pain in the ass bacterium that kills thousands of people. Antibiotics that kill it also kill off healthy bacteria in your intestines and leave you open to getting reinfected with the bad stuff. A fecal transplant, however, gives you an assload of healthy poop, including healthy bacteria, to help you overcome the infection, and its success rate is much higher than the antibiotics.

How do you get an assful of someone else's crap? Glad you asked. They can use a colonoscope or just give it to you with an enema. Or, if you like to live on the wild side, a tube right down your nose. I have found no evidence of any kind of ass-to-ass transfer, nor any mention of how you harvest the donor sample or if there are rules for how to determine what constitutes a good shit for a transplant. If I were a decent man, I'd end the entry here, but I'm seriously curious about the nature of shit selection in this case. Does the donor need to be on a specific diet for several days in advance? Of course I'm skirting around the issue of corn here. You know what I'm talking about. Is a certain consistency necessary? Who decides this? The mind boggles.