Though fake vampire fangs were originally designed to conceal uncleanly teeth, their waxy composition rendered them useless for chewing anything but dough balls dipped in water. Properly protect pointy chompers with this Groupon: for $35, you get a comprehensive dental package at Right Dental Group (a $300 value). The package includes:

Exam

Cleaning

X-rays

Customers can visit any of Right Dental Group's pre-screened dentists, which they can search for by zip code.

With hundreds of locations across the country, Right Dental Group represents a collection of oral-health-care professionals that delivers a variety of quality dental services. The collective places an emphasis on relationship building—meaning patients can confess their most egregious toffee-apple trespasses while receiving a teeth scrubbing delivered with precision and understanding. Each of the dentists is prescreened for a consistent record of excellence and the ability to efficiently locate a cavity in a toothstack.

A skilled doctor and staff will skillfully probe forgotten mouth corners, eradicating tartar and expunging plaque from bacterial lairs. The included x-rays will help uncover any oral problem areas that cannot be seen with the shamelessly naked eye. After treatment, clients will be privy to tips that explain the proper brushing and flossing techniques to ward off gum disease and tooth loss, ensuring tongue-stoppers remain firmly rooted to the rest of the skeletal system.