Alright I ran a poll on Twitter that received 11 total votes, and based on my advanced mathematics skills about 6 of you or less will be reading this. From the beautiful mind that brought you Are You The One and most recently Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club, we’re doing Double Shot At Love with DJ Pauly D and Vinny.

If you don’t respect the original Shot At Love With Tila Tequila you can’t consider yourself a true reality TV fan but I will allow you to enjoy this show. Trust me we’re 2 episodes in and this is getting my official stamp of approval. Double Shot At Love with DJ Pauly D and Vinny is already better than last season of The Bachelor. If ABC was smart they would have hijacked this show idea, except for the fact that I think MTV has full rights to everything Pauly D and Vinny do for their career in perpetuity.

I’m starting this thing with episode 2, and in the first episode Pauly and Vinny pranked two sets of girls into thinking they were the host and the girls were there to date the other guido. We were introduced to a wide array of crazy Jersey girls and Instagram models, which is no different than The Bachelor casting except the first night everyone showed up in leopard print or sequined bandage dresses instead of ballgowns. The girls arrived in cabs, a genius move by production, and when they leave Pauly and Vinny have to tell them their cab is heah.

Episode 2 opens with the guys bringing all the girls together and telling them lol it was just a prank war and in case you don’t remember, Pauly D is the prank war champion. Girls that really had their set on Pauly (probably all of them) are now free to be DTF.

Before the girls knew who they were on this show to date and they walked in to meet girls like Holly and Marissa they had to have known this was a Jersey Shore spinoff. Holly could have replaced Angelina on Jersey Shore for all intents and purposes. She’s very clearly the one who said her celebrity crush was Pauly D before the show started and the producers eyes lit up. Stalker #2 has arrived.

Christina made it past the first elimination despite being very obviously clinically insane and unable to match her foundation to her skin color. Seriously it’s already becoming a problem on the 2nd episode of this show. Multiple girls have picked a foundation color 2-3 shades off from their actual face. I like to think if I was the YouTube makeup artist of the group (there’s got to be one), I would tell them. My worst fear is being on national TV wearing a 190 Fenty foundation shade when I was born a 150.

A live look at me on the first date 🤦‍♀️ #DoubleShotAtLove pic.twitter.com/RCvDwIJS5n — A Double Shot At Love (@MTVShotAtLove) April 19, 2019

The guys announce they are going to “The Club” which is just pretty much the basement of the house they are staying in. When you have one of the world’s top DJ’s as your lead, you gotta get your money’s worth.

The girls seem wasted and Christina is flashing her vagina in everyone’s face, a move that has probably worked for her 100 out of 100 times in the past. But not with DJ Pauly D and Vinny The Keto Guido. Hearts of gold on those two. They are immediately grossed out by all of Christina’s actions, and I’m now praying no one wins this damn show so I can be cast on season 2.

Me when the tequila starts to kick in#DoubleShotAtLove pic.twitter.com/cGCjTmDqFo — A Double Shot At Love (@MTVShotAtLove) April 19, 2019

Vinny hangs back with Alysse and they make out. I can’t help but cover my eyes because nothing makes me more physically ill than watching regular people make out on national TV when I know are being closely filmed by creepy reality TV producers.

Back at the house Christina is worried about going to the gym and organic chicken. Truthfully she sounds like a perfect match for Vinny nowadays after watching him peel the cheese of pizza to stay Keto. She quits and we are robbed of at least 6 more episodes of her blurred out vagina and mismatched foundation. God bless you Christina.

The next morning the guys reveal the girls must pick teams to root for one guy as they fake fight each other with oversized boxing gloves. It’s clearly an excuse for Pauly D and Vinny to take their shirts off and it works for everyone, including me. The smart girls grab a red robe for DJ Pauly D and the numbers are in his favor. 9 girls are on Pauly’s side and only 6 are on Vinny’s. When Pauly takes his robe off I wouldn’t have blamed the other 6 girls for switching teams. This show is fake so of course Vinny “wins” but miraculously Pauly’s hair hasn’t moved a millimeter.

Never underestimate the keto guido! 💪 #DoubleShotAtLove pic.twitter.com/bPeK50iwMZ — A Double Shot At Love (@MTVShotAtLove) April 19, 2019

Both dates seem pretty boring and it’s clear so far that Alysse and Nikki are the front runners for each guy. Nikki is starting to piss all the other girls off and in The Bachelor world we’d see this edit coming from a mile away. She’s already crying in confessionals and threatening to leave if Pauly doesn’t end the show and date her after just 2 episodes. Every good reality show needs a Nikki.

We also need a Marissa. Marissa is the confessional commentary comedian and has the best tagline from the show so far. That’s how you build a brand girl.

Superfan Holly accuses Pauly D of cheating and he ABHORRENTLY denies the accusations. I believe him. Not the greatest move from Holly right before finding out if her cab is heah.

While the girls are waiting for the cab ceremony, Nikki starts fighting with Derynn and we have our official first catfight of the season. One of hopefully thousands more to come. The guys start the cab ceremony by texting random groups of girls to tell them they are safe. The last group left includes Holly, Ashley and Victoria. I had to pause the screen to find out their names because Ashley and Victoria have been almost invisible through 2 episodes.

I think Pauly and Vinny feel genuinely scared for what Holly would do if they sent her home this early so they send Ashley home instead. No arguments here. Pauly and Vinny might singlehandedly bring back the cab industry.

Early thoughts: Maria and Alysse for Vinny and absolutely none of these hoes are good enough for Pauly D.

Yeah buddy! You did it! Follow @MTVShotAtLove and RT this tweet for your chance to win free cab fare for a year, courtesy of #DoubleShotAtLove!

Official rules here: https://t.co/fsNlymhqrp pic.twitter.com/Xm3GgyVDK0 — A Double Shot At Love (@MTVShotAtLove) April 12, 2019

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

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