The Gumby. Adam Nawrot

The Gumby picked up climbing after scoring a sweet Groupon deal. His new Facebook profile pic—a butt shot of him gym-toproping—has elicited comments from concerned aunts, as well as a “You’re just as crazy as I was at your age” from Uncle Benny. On any given night, you’ll catch the Gumby walking out of the bathroom in rental shoes, wearing a harness in the bouldering cave, and offering big-voiced beta to his timid Tinder match on their first date. Although he and a few fellow Gumbies have planned to visit the “Real Cliffs” for months, the only rope owner keeps flaking—literally. He started uncoiling his rope a week ago, and still can’t get the figure 8 knot out of the middle. All the while, the Gumby is losing steam as the middle-school team flashes his projects. No bother: The Gumby is ready for his next big challenge: SCUBA with sharks!

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Dreams of

Netflix & chilling

Lead certification

Whitewater-rafting bachelor party

Finally pulling the trigger on a set of quickdraws

Stomping Grounds

Brooklyn, New York

Miami, Florida

Bay Area, California

Lingo

Spin class

Belay test (and re-test, and re-test … )

Paleo diet

Meal-prep Sundays

Stopper knot

Membership

Leg day

Toprope

Double dyno

Figure four

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