From the February 2016 issue

The AM General High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle occupies an extremely weird place in American automotive culture. It’s a military machine, the official transportation of the world’s finest hellholes. But it’s also the basis of the former Hummer H1, a six-figure attempt at a domestic Geländewagen and a glamorous co-star in the silliest car chase in movie history (see: The Rock). Until very recently, you’ve only driven one of these things if (A) you once wore fatigues and answered to Uncle Sam, or (B) your successful New Jersey nightclub needed a tax write-off for a friggin’ business vehicle.

About a year ago, though, a third possibility emerged: private ownership for the ex-military machines. Online heavy-equipment auction site IronPlanet bid on a government contract for “disposal of surplus product,” meaning Humvees made obsolete by the new Oshkosh Joint Light Tactical Vehicle. Prior to IronPlanet’s involvement, “disposal” meant just that—most old Humvees were sold for scrap (though they’re not hard to find on eBay, either). The pitch to the government was ­simple: Don’t scrap these things, sell them. You’ll generate more money, and the public will get surplus Humvees for a fraction of the price of an H1.

View Photos CLINT DAVIS

So far, about 2500 Humvees have been honorably discharged from military bases to private ownership, a process that got easier last summer when IronPlanet began offering Standard Form 97, “The United States Government Certificate to Obtain Title to a Vehicle.” That crucial piece of paperwork allows buyers to prove ownership, and from there one can pursue the quest for a license plate, although IronPlanet isn’t making any promises on that front. For instance, it’s easy to imagine that California might actively thwart the proliferation of menacing diesel troop carriers on its thoroughfares. Whereas in Texas, the DMV clerk might compliment your sidearm and “Don’t Tread on Me” belt buckle while handing over a vanity plate that reads “SECEDE.” Check your state guidelines before bidding.

And then examine your expectations, because a Humvee is unlike any production vehicle you’ve ever driven. Even in luxed-up H1 guise, the Humvee was never known as a friendly, or even competent, on-road machine. You won’t want to buy one of these because you’re thinking it’ll replace your Jeep Wrangler for your daily commute. You do want one, though, if you’re looking to build your post-apocalyptic hideout atop a 60-degree slope surrounded by a five-foot-deep moat. Neither of those obstacles poses a problem for a properly equipped Humvee, which makes it the perfect thing to park in your EMP-proof cement bunker.

We drove a 1987 M998 at Outback Motorsports Complex, a 600-plus-acre off-road playground in Laurinburg, North Carolina. As an early model, the M998 featured GM’s 6.2-liter diesel V-8 instead of the later 6.5-liter, and its green camo hinted at a Cold War anti-Commie assignment rather than more recent sand-toned adventures. The paint is a clue about each truck’s past, but beyond that you’re on your own. IronPlanet’s oil-sample analysis is as close as you’ll get to a Carfax report. But, given the prices—our test truck, with hardtop and LED headlights, sold for $18,250—it can be worth taking a flier on a rig with supernatural off-road abilities.

View Photos The last time we tested a vehicle that warned us to not step on parts of the engine was never. The last time we needed to wear waders to test a vehicle, well, we're not talking about that. CLINT DAVIS

The naturally aspirated 6.2 hammers out 150 horsepower and 250 pound-feet of torque. With full-time four-wheel drive, 37-inch Goodyear Wrangler MT radials, and a 5400-pound curb weight, the M998 is like the anti-Hellcat; traction is absolute. Its torque-sensing differentials don’t lock, but you can ride the brakes and coax them into acting like lockers, depending on the situation. Like maybe you need to climb a 60-percent grade. And that grade is covered in bacon grease and ball bearings. Then you might need the brake trick.

With the optional fording kit, the Humvee can handle water that’s 60 inches deep. Now, the truck is 72 inches tall. Do the math and you realize that the engine won’t be the only thing breathing through a snorkel in 60 inches of water. You know you’ve got a serious off-roader when you might need scuba equipment to drive it.

A standard Humvee seems as if it’ll handle water deep enough to float a Chesapeake oyster dredge. At Outback, there’s a pond that regularly swallows trucks. The good ship Humvee took a wave over the bow and kept plowing forward unperturbed as water sloshed in over the side sills. In lesser trucks, you’d worry about smashing a diff on some hazard beneath the surface, but AM General had the good sense to tuck the drivetrain high in the fuselage, sending torque to the wheels via geared hubs. The result is 16 inches of ground clearance and a smooth underbody, allowing the truck to straddle substantial obstacles. The flat bottom also allows you to pick up a Humvee with a forklift, which could be a ballsy antitheft precaution for a vehicle that doesn’t have a keyed ignition.

Spartan interior aside, the M998 actually has a nice ride. Maybe that shouldn’t be a surprise, given the tall sidewalls and long-travel independent suspension, but the Humvee’s reputation suggests relentless brutality, a nonstop sensory assault of cranium-shaking violence. It’s pretty smooth and not even all that loud. The hardtop makes alarming creaks at the windshield header as the body flexes beneath it, but there’s an easy solution for that: Lose the top and the doors. Then you’ll have an open-air four-door 4x4. Like a Wrangler Unlimited, but one that escaped from a secret government-research facility where it was subjected to bizarre experiments that left it with off-road superpowers.

View Photos CLINT DAVIS

Outback’s trail system includes sand, mud, and even a dense cypress swamp that approximates a jungle. The Humvee was undaunted by any of it. The swamp trails, however, did highlight the Humvee’s primary off-road liability: Designed for stability (it can handle 40-percent side slopes), the truck is more than seven feet wide. So if the trail is less than seven feet wide, well, it’s gonna be seven feet wide by the time you come out the other side.

A brief sojourn onto pavement confirmed that the Humvee does not care for the ways of civilized society. Its zero-to-50-mph claim is 24 seconds. The top end is supposedly 70 mph, but attaining that speed would require the courage of a thousand Richard Nobles.

At 55 mph, mechanical sympathy prompts you to back down to 45, lest the elderly GM V-8 toss its crankshaft through the oil pan.

Mechanical gremlins of various sorts are probably to be expected, given that government Humvees did not likely lead easy lives. On the topic of auctioned Humvees, a currently serving ­military man asked us, “Why wouldn’t you want to buy a 25-year-old off-road vehicle that’s only ever been driven by recent high-school graduates who don’t own it?”

He’s got a point. Perhaps GM 6.2s and 6.5s aren’t hard to find, but axles and hubs might be another matter. And right now, with trucks just beginning to hit the civilian market, there’s no such thing as an AM General junkyard.

That’s why savvy preppers will tell you it’s smart to buy a used Humvee, but it’s even smarter to buy two.

Specifications 1987 CSI M998 HMMWV 1-1/4–TON

CARGO TROOP CARRIER Vehicle Type front-engine, 4-wheel-drive, 4-passenger ex-military truck Price $18,250 Engine Type pushrod 16-valve diesel V-8, iron block and heads, direct fuel injection Displacement 379 cu in, 6217 cc Power 150 hp @ 3600 rpm Torque 250 lb-ft @ 2000 rpm Driveline Transmission 3-speed automatic Dimensions Wheelbase 130.0 in Length 180.0 in Width 86.0 in Height 72.0 in Curb Weight 5400 lb Performance (MFR'S EST) 0–30 mph 8.0 sec 0–50 mph 24.0 sec Top Speed 70 mph

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