By Dave Stancliff

Are you ready for some Cannabis cantaloupe? How about some Ganga Grapes? And don't forget the Bong Beans!

These seemingly fantastical fruits and beans could be in your food lexicon some day according to a nationwide group of marijuana legalization advocates. Their having a contest to grow “marijuana food,” where the winner (they claim) could easily be a multi-millionaire.

All the organizers are looking for is someone to develop any common food that produces the active ingredients in marijuana. The group's spokesman, Clifford Schaffer, says that he and his group believe that genetically modified “marijuana food” could be on the market in less than five years.

A bold claim to be sure, but Schaffer points out that, “A bright college biology student could do it.” He does go on to add that it would have to be “an inspired student,” to unlock the marijuana-meets-mainstream food availability.

The organizers – see marijuanaPrize.com – are telling prospective winners that they can select anything they find in a typical grocery store, including fruits, vegetables, and nuts. They hint that the best candidates are plants that produce essential oils.

Regular lawn grass, or lactobcilius, which is used to produce yogurt, are also eligible on their broad guideline list. Now this group figures it will probably take a year – even genius takes time I suppose – before the first candidates roll out their entries. Their so excited about this whole contest that their saying it's possible to have pot products commercially in five years. One has to wonder why five, instead of six years for the forecast.

But why do this at all? Think about medical marijuana patients, the organization asks?

Those that can't smoke can now eat pot peaches or something else that doesn't require firing it up. It would be easy on the lungs. You can't deny that.

Then there's this very interesting thought that right now there's no states with laws against genetically modified “marijuana food.” At least not yet. It's not very likely that there's a ban against cannabis cantaloupes on any state's law books at this time.

The benefits would be enormous. It would be the end of prohibition on pot an enthusiastic Schaffer said. Can you see the cops trying to tell some Kush from corn? They'll be confiscating potatoes, peanuts, and your produce! In the end the authorities will capitulate and legalize it. Cops are going to be wondering why people are smiling as they cut their lawns, Schaffer proudly predicted.

Just think of the confusion as rattled cops trying to tell weed melon from watermelon, or stoner berries from strawberries without laboratory tests? How are they going to prove the average gardener isn't growing killer cannabis in disguise?

So, for all these wonderful things to happen we don't just wiggle our noses, we go in search for a budding genius in one of the countries colleges (my guess would be Humboldt State University, or San Francisco University) to find a new legend that will make Johnny Appleseed a forgotten folk hero.

I like to think about people everywhere, eating their lunch on the job, and going back to it in an altered state. There would be less violence and probably more productivity as people focused on what they were doing with new intensity.

Will someone actually come up with a way to modify food and plants in the future? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, if you're a biologist, here's an opportunity to make your reputation and wealth in one brilliant breakthrough. Kinda humbling when you think about it.

As It Stands, my biggest concern with a breakthrough like this would be the “munchies,” as we already have a weight problem in this country!