I guess you haven’t gotten the memo yet. Michael Vick is not just an NFL quarterback, or a notorious pitbull killer. “Michael Vick” is also fast becoming the new HOT verb of 2007; primarily used to describe doing something terrible to an animal. The connotations, however, are most effective when describing actions towards dogs.

BTW, a member’s submission and subsequent acceptance from Urban Dictionary proves it: Michael Vick

Today at OfferOfTheDay.com, we offer our readers a new verb and some creative ways to use it.

Usage Scenario #1:

Does your neighbor have an annoying runt of a dog that he or she keeps in the yard? Does this slobbering rat-like creature bark incessantly all day and night? Here’s what you can tell your neighbor when this mongrel keeps you up the night before an important morning meeting:

Put a DAMN muzzle on that thing! I’m gonna hop the fence and “Michael Vick” your dog if it doesn’t shut its trap!

Usage Scenario #2:

Is your son’s dog “Ashley” getting up in age? Does it limp around in obvious pain with one eye sewn shut due to its recent cataract surgery? It’s pretty much asking to be euthanized, isn’t it? Well, here’s how to “break” the news to your son without having to use the word “euthanize” and subsequently having to leave the room awkwardly to retrieve your dictionary in order to explain it to him:

Son. I’m thinking about“Michael Vick-ing” your dog because it’s just getting too old. You have to understand, it’s Ashley’s time. Plus, remember son…dogs don’t have souls like you and me. Remember that, always.

Usage Scenario #3:

Did you accidentally run over your family dog while backing out of the driveway and can’t find the words to break the bad news to the family? Here’s what you can do. Sit your family down on the couch and try this speech out on them:

Boy oh boy. Daddy really screwed the “pooch” this time…LITERALLY. Remember how I told you that I thought I saw Ashley running away this morning…Uhhhh, that’s not entirely true. I guess there’s no easy way to put this…I accidentally “Michael Vicked” the dog this morning while I was reversing out of the garage. I hid her mangled carcass under the pile of leaves next to the Wilson’s apple tree because I was running late for a meeting. The funny thing is, I think their landscapers accidentally bagged her with the leaves, because she’s not there anymore. Hey, look on the bright side guys; at least we don’t need to pay for a cremation. So, who wants to go for some Baskin Robbins? My treat.

Usage Scenario #4 (this one’s a stretch): Only do this scenario if you are one sick puppy.

Do you have a girlfriend who’s out of town for the weekend AND coincidentally have neighbors who have asked you to watch their dog while they’re on vacation… AND simultaneously, you also need an excuse to tell your friends because you don’t want to go out with them later? Well, thanks to OfferOfTheDay.com, you can tell your friends this little number:

Guys, my girlfriend is out of town and I have to watch over my neighbor’s dog…(gulp) my neighbor’s well-groomed, very muscular, athletic, and strangely attractive female dog. I think I’m gonna buy myself a jar of creamy Skippy peanut butter, turn the lights down low, and get “Michael Vick-ulated” by her ALL NIGHT LOOOOOONG BABY!

Now, those of you that got that last one…You’re sick. You truly are SICK! Get your minds out of the gutter already. And those of you who didn’t get it, well you’re probably better off … we just have too much “class” to explain it.