Last night when I was thinking about what to write today, the conversation I had with my brother last month in Dubai came to my mind. I met him after 10 years and this meeting with him, the person I grew up with reminded me of the business of our lives, 10 years of life flew just like that. But the thought that caught my attention last night was what my brother said about expectation of parents from him and how terribly he had failed.

It was a personal and emotional conversation between brothers, but here I would try to put my view on this topic as a Coach. I speak about this a lot in my seminars, but this is the first time I’m writing on this, “your children do not owe you anything”.

As parents you all want that your children to respect you and appreciate what you do for them. You all have a list of sacrifices made for your kids to have this and that. My parents have it and all the parents on this planet have it, some have smaller while other’s is bigger lists. And for those sacrifices we expect them to listen to and obey whatever you say. Too much of expectations!

I always had this argument with my dad all the time growing up, as he wanted me to be an Army officer and I hated army with passion (no disrespect to anybody, this was a personal thing, growing up in an army training academy). I would say, “I never asked to be born”. It was disrespectful, and I agree to that to a certain extent now. But your child never asked to be born. You wanted a child like everything else on your to-do-list. This is a programmed nature of the society to have kids for the sake of so called a complete happy family.

Because you brought the child to this world, but this does not mean that you own them. They are not your property; they are an independent life that has an independent existence. You are a tiny source in creating this magnificent life, which has come to walk its own journey. You are there to support the journey and not walk this independent life’s journey, just be there. Don’t navigate the way you want it.

In Asian culture this is the biggest problem, I’m the dad and you listen to me, do what I say, wear what I like, work in my factory, marry this girl and so on and on. Basically, you are trying to make your child another you. Some of you try to live your dream life (the life you never had, but always dreamed of) through your kids. When kids don’t listen/obey you, that becomes disrespectful for your ego, not you. Each child has its own perspective, and you need to understand it and support them with suggestions/advice from your experiences.

Now try to remember your childhood and think how hard your parents made things for you by forcing to do things you never liked. The tricky bit about being a parent is to find the happy medium balance between being fun/friend and tough. Every parent wants to their child to grow, be successful and lead a happy life. But let them have their own definition of happiness within the rules of society and the country. The emotional well being is much more important than financial wellbeing. You need to be careful that they don’t bottle their emotions, be there for them to share their feelings. Be there as a friend to them, not a parent. Help them walk through this life with compassion, love and faith.

You need to think of your own experiences while making a place in this world in your own particular way, your unique way. Look at the process that life took you through, that was your unique process that no one can follow, and life won’t give it to anybody because it is only yours. We all are different, so don’t turn your kids into a version of yourself and force them to live the life you wanted to live yourself but could not. Help them make their own choices and have faith in your child’s creative mind. Be a part of this journey of your kid. Once you walk with them, you will start understand what it is all about from their perspective. You will have a healthy relationship in the family, which will cause harmony, love, trust and faith between all.