NHS facing bleak future after £15m ‘not enough’ to make Jeremy Hunt go away

Despite making £15m overnight from the sale of his business, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has today announced that he will not let the windfall distract him from completing his task of single-handedly destroying the NHS.

The living example of cockney rhyming slang made millions yesterday from the sale of Hotcourses, the business he set up in 1996 – a figure which should have been more than enough to make any politician with the slightest shred of decency jack in their Whitehall career and retire to the Bahamas.

However, to the dismay of NHS workers everywhere, Mr Hunt has turned down this option in favour of continuing his role as health secretary, which he mistakenly considers ‘a public service’.

Speaking to reporters, Mr Hunt announced, “I am obviously delighted to wake up and find myself millions of pounds richer than I was yesterday, but I want to reassure everyone that I will continue to diligently serve the British public doing my job as health secretary to the best of my ability.

“Yes, some people do seem to think that the ‘best of my ability’ will destroy the economic structure and morale of the NHS, leaving it almost unrecognisable and pushed to breaking point – but they should be in no doubt, it will definitely do all that, definitely.

He then added proudly, “When I start a task I see it through to the end, regardless of the overwhelming public anger and endless junior doctors’ strikes.

“This is what public service is all about. Doing what you think is right despite literally everyone screaming at you that you don’t have a bloody clue what you’re talking about.

“Then going home at night to count all your lovely money, obviously.”