ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A 44-year-old man convicted of fraud offences has been sentenced in local court this morning to move a house by himself.

Magistrate John Collins explained during his sentencing remarks that Bradley Roger Oliver of Steelhouse Circle , B etoota Heights, was brazen in his crimes and showed little remorse to the victim.

Mr Oliver was convicted of two counts of theft and one of larceny after he was caught stealing the proceeds of the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club charity sausage sizzle.

The professional baker spent a number of months in hospital after tripping over during the citizens’ arrest and breaking both his legs, both arms, nine ribs, two vertibre , his mandible and both clavicals .

In sentencing, Magistrate Collins said just looking at Mr Oliver sent a chill down his spine.

“Stealing from a charity barbecue is something that shouldn’t happen,” said Collins.

“However, it is an unusual crime. So it is in my opinion that it deserves an unusual punishment. There is a filthy share house in the French Quarter that my nephew owns. Honestly to God, there’s shit all through it. You wouldn’t believe the amount of shit those boys have amassed in that place,”

“I am sentencing you to move that out to another French Quarter share house by yourself. You cannot hire a truck or van, you must use a 1995 Toyota Corolla hatch. Then you need to clean it top to bottom only to have the real estate agent take most of the bond to sand the floors back. You will have to reimburse my nephew for the difference. May God have mercy on your soul, Mr Oliver.”

Counsel for the defendant asked Magistrate Collins for leniency as their client broke down and begged for mercy.

Magistrate Collins rolled his eyes and asked the sheriff to remove the prisoner from his courtroom.

Mr Oliver has given an Intensive Correction Order and is expected to get to work moving the shit-filled share house in the coming days.

More to come.