I debated calling this article “The Greatest Wine Moments In Movie History, or, The Greatest Movie Moments In Wine History,” but then I thought, “that is an awful title for a blog post.”

So here, in no particular order, are my top ten movie quotes about wine. Not surprisingly (to me, at least) there are not ten different movies represented. But then, I don’t believe that this topic has been the subject of enough silver screentime anyhow.

Some of these quotes include naughty language. Avert thine eyes if this is not acceptable to you.

Onward.

Maya, Sideways (2004)

I love how wine continues to evolve, how every time I open a bottle it’s going to taste different than if I had opened it on any other day. Because a bottle of wine is actually alive —it’s constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks —like your ‘61 —and begins its steady, inevitable decline. And it tastes so fucking good.

Gustavo, Bottle Shock (2008)

You people. You think you can just buy your way into this. Take a few lessons. Grow some grapes. Make some good wine. You cannot do it that way. … You have to have it in your blood. You have to grow up with the soil underneath your nails, and the smell of the grape in the air that you breathe. The cultivation of the vine is an art form. The refinement of its juice is a religion that requires pain and desire and sacrifice.

Luc, French Kiss (1995)

Never touch my vine.

Hannibal, Silence of the Lambs (1991)

A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Maggie and Oliver, Year of the Comet (1992)

Maggie: But it could be vinegar! I mean, old wine often turns to vinegar.



Oliver: Well then, we either have a wonderful glass of wine, or a really expensive salad.

James Bond, Goldfinger (1964)

My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done, such as drinking Dom Perignon ‘53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs!

Vizzini, The Princess Bride (1987)

Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me…

Benjamin Kane, Wayne’s World (1992)

Oh, actually all champagne is French, it’s named after the region. Otherwise it’s sparkling white wine. Americans of course don’t recognize the convention so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white champagne, even though by definition they’re not.

Gustavo, Bottle Shock (2008)

It’s not from Napa. I can’t tell you whether it’s a merlot or cabernet. … I can’t say because it’s a 1947 Cheval Blanc. About half merlot, half cabernet franc.

Miles, Sideways (2004)

If anyone orders Merlot, I’m leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot!

And a bonus quote, this time from television:

Basil Fawlty, “Fawlty Towers”

I can certainly see that you know your wine. Most of the guests who stay here wouldn’t know the difference between Bordeaux and Claret.

Have any favorites I missed? Let me know!

(Also check out the second in this series, Top Ten Movie Quotes About Wine, Part II)