DATELINE: FUNNY BONE

When the Red Sox signed Stephen Drew for millions, they paid not one red cent for defense. It made no sense except as the act of a desperate team in the midst of their ten-game losing streak.

Then, the unimaginable happened. Well, not so unimaginable if you remember Red Sox star J.D. Drew, brother to the DL’s best friend. Stephen’s DNA rose to the surface of his oblique muscle, which he promptly strained after sitting out two months of the season.

The more muscles strain, the more you can tell a Drew. The Red Sox drew the shortstop straw.

In an effort to upset a rookie who was the best hitter on the team, the Sox replaced him with a man whose oblique muscle showed every chance of being attached to the shin bone and funny bone. We call this a nuts and Holt issue.

All this sort of proved yet again that you must never let Super Agent Scott Boras count your teeth. The Sox are now missing two good-sized molars. The good news is that the Drew contract is merely for one season and two more front teeth. Christmas can’t come soon enough.

Before you can say back to the drawing board, the Sox are losing again and Drew can’t help them until someone massages his wallet.

Fingers are pointing at Ben Cherington as GM of the Year. Alas, it is not for this year.

Though we are straining to join the chorus of hundreds of media experts singing the blues and another refrain from the old Sox standby, “Take Me Out to the Ball Game (I Told You So),” we will take an oblique approach to the Drew problem.