Who’s the master of disguise? Sherlock Holmes? No! It’s you! (Provided you’re not in a car.)

Some examples of disguise

Steven Petterson said he thought the cyclist he hit was a bus stop. He was cleared.

Alison Bowen said she thought the cyclist she drove into was a badger. She pleaded guilty.

Bethany Ward said she thought the pedestrian she drove into was a deer. She pleaded guilty.

Russell Davies said he thought the cyclist he drove over was a drain cover. He was cleared.

Andrew Chilton said he thought the pedestrian he drove over was a pothole. He was cleared.

Mark Tyler said he thought the cyclist he drove over was a pothole. He was cleared.

The following points are notable: The drivers who failed to stop (and, in one case, who was as pissed as a fart) pleaded guilty; those who stopped all stood trial and were all cleared.

A word of advice

So here’s some advice: If you drive into—or indeed over—someone, stop the vehicle and, when the police arrive, claim you thought they were a piece of street furniture or an animal. As long as you’re sober and you stop, you’re probably in the clear.

That’s my top tip this week for drivers who can’t be arsed to look at things in the road ahead of them.

Addenda

Some additional ideas for you.

Michael Rollason said he thought the cyclist he hit was a wheelie bin. He failed to stop and was found guilty of causing death by dangerous driving.

Damian Niepieklo said he thought the cyclist he hit was a branch. He failed to stop and pleaded guilty to causing death by careless driving.