Trump Redesigns Wall So Slats Are Close Enough Together To Keep Out Coronavirus

OTAY MESA, CA—At a press conference Wednesday, President Trump assured the public that the coronavirus is under control. He also stated that the threat of the virus has now changed the design of his wall on the Mexican border, as Trump has ordered that the steel slats that compose it be moved closer together so that the coronavirus can’t slip through.

“This wall will be coronavirus-proof,” Trump stated. “The virus is going to come to the border and be like, ‘I’m going to infect Americans!’ But then it will see our beautiful wall and be like, ‘Guess I’ll just have to stay here and infect Mexicans or go farther south and infect people in like Portugal or something.’”

Trump had already previously asked for a redesign of the wall when he found out that the slats were far enough apart that squirrels could slip through, as he reportedly said, “America already has enough squirrels and we don’t need any Mexican squirrels.”

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