Italy

Pros: Italy. Have you been to Italy? It is fantastic. I defy anyone not to like Italy; fans will idolise him, learning the language will make him irresistible to women and fans of Italian football, and the food is outstanding; slower pace would suit his style; lots of money.

Cons: Italy perhaps not all that great in everyone's eyes, especially likely destinations Rome and Milan; temptation of being offered a bribe for every single action he takes on the pitch may get the better of him; too much pizza may give credence to the critics who have unfairly questioned his weight.

Career path afterwards: Il Lampso, as he will become known, quickly becomes a hero to the Milan Ultras for his patient passing displays. Christine Bleakley at first enjoys the city's boutiques but then engineers a surprise move back to England after being invited to one of Silvio Berlusconi's parties.

Likelihood: Lazio and AC Milan are sniffing around and with Serie A improving it's not a big stretch to imagine Lampard at one or the other. 8/10