TORONTO – Diamond and Diamond has announced that it has retained Buffalo, New York personal injury lawyers Cellino and Barnes to handle an ongoing dispute with the Law Society of Upper Canada.

“Everything went so smooth,” said beaming Diamond and Diamond head Jeremy Diamond. “I called their number and told them how I’m being investigated for violating legal ethics and in just five minutes I was referred to a friendly representative who handled all of my concerns. And with their no-fee promise, they don’t get paid until I do or until the thousands of people I defrauded go away.”

In a video interview with reporters following Seinfeld re-runs, lawyers Ross Cellino and Stephen Barnes defended their client and detailed their initial thoughts on the case.

“Referral services masquerading as law firms can cause severe accidents,” said Cellino as stock footage of tractor trailers, wrecked cars, and people in offices played in the background. “And if your company is involved, the legal penalties can be devastating. Don’t wait, call 8.”

“The attorneys at Cellino and Barnes understand the complexities of being investigated by your regional law society,” added Barnes. “If you’re in arbitration with the Law Society of Upper Canada, the attorneys at Cellino and Barnes are ready to help 24-7. Don’t wait, call 8.”

At this point, Cellino and Barnes said they could offer no further comment before breaking into a godforsaken jingle: “Cellino and Barnes/Injury Attorneys/800/888/8888.” Adding: “Don’t wait. Call 8.”