Dating sucks. And if you’re trans, it can suck a great deal more because not only do you have to deal with creepy people, flaky people, terrible people, awkward first dates, bad sex and rejection, you also have to deal with:

Disclosure. While transgender people absolutely do not have an obligation to disclose their private medical history, there’s something to be said about wasting time with people who may turn out to be transphobic.

The inevitable bigotry and ignorance. It’s not good for your health.

Anatomy-based rejection. Even though they were clearly attracted to you before they knew about your privates (both pre-op and post-op).

Having very little practice with gender norms. If you started transitioning as late as I did, you’ll have basically no experience in living as your true self, and you’ll wonder exactly what the heck is expected of you.

Avoiding murder, particularly if you’re a transwoman dating men. Because straight men are made out of glass.

But a girl has needs, and this girl is a pain slut who needs some kinky, masochistic lovin’! And I’ve waited 28 years to finally live my life as a woman, so against my better judgment, I decided to start dating soon after quitting my job and moving back home. I fired up Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, and OkCupid and wrote an explicit yet wholesome looking-for-kinky-fuckbuddies profile. The goal? Find a guy who won’t murder me for being trans to beat me then cuddle me.

And so after a month, I’ve got some numbers for you along with 9 unfiltered musings from the mind of a filthy but naive online dating rookie!

Table 1: My First Month Dating as a Kinky Transwoman

11 creeps blocked for various reasons. Garden variety transphobia, weird possessiveness, and guys with disgusting opening lines. Mind you, I’m quite nasty, and I can handle quite a bit. But the one that takes the cake is the guy who introduced himself by telling me how much he wants to suckle on my breasts while I caress him and he can get off on the sounds that I make while he feasts on me. You do you, buddy, but you might want to think about consent before including me in your deepest fantasies and sharing them with me.

21:1 Super Like ratio that makes me feel like a fucking goddess. My one Super Like was accidental (swiping left and swiping up is like the same thing when you’re doing the Tinder lying down), so really the ratio should be like infinity to zero. Adore me!

5 references to doing something to my lady parts that I don’t yet have. You want my pussy? Me too, man, me too.

25 days before I found someone I knew on Tinder. It was really awkward because I knew this guy from a relay race and had a huge crush on his friend who was in this guy’s profile picture. I slyly used a screenshot as an excuse to text his friend only to have the conversation die within a matter of minutes, and that was that.

33% disclosure success rate. Out of the three guys whom I actually went on dates with, I disclosed to two. I decided to tell one of them after he disclosed he was masculine-presenting non-binary (goes by he/him/his), and he was accepting and still wanted to go on the date! The other guy was confused and courteous but rejected me after learning that I’m pre-op. Disclosure is really the worst part of dating, and I’d really like to just be as slutty as I want to be. But murder n’ stuff.

6 days before I decided CMB is just pretentious Tinder. Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% supportive of Asian owned businesses, particularly Asian women owned businesses, but if I wanted to fuck guys bragging about making $200k a year, I’d join LinkedIn. That said, I do hope that Coffee Meets Bagel is successful and that the three sisters remember to use their resources to bring power back to Black and Brown communities.

2 messages solely just to compliment my writing skills. When it comes to online dating profiles, I’ll take the compliment! One guy who suggested that I think about publishing ended up having openly transphobic sentiments written in his profile (insta-block), and the other guy unmatched me because I think all he wanted was to tell me that he really liked my style of prose. If only Literotica was a dating app.

1 guy I liked solely based on godly arms. He’s like 2000 miles out of my search radius, but I saw him because he Super Liked me. I don’t even know what’s in the rest of the profile, but he had me with those monsters. I liked him back to tell him that I liked him for the arms, and he said thanks. Turns out we might meet up when I go back to North Carolina to teach a workshop.

~800 more likes in the first week on OKC than I got in one week during pre-transition. I think there’s a lot to be said about colonization when it comes to the perceptions of Asian women vs. Asian men in the dating field, but I’d like to think I got 800% hotter after transition!

Closing thoughts: After a month, I’m still very thirsty, but I learned so much by diving right in! I was hoping to find my friendly sadist by now or at least get a boy in bed already, but the anticipation is half the fun. Being rejected for my medical history really, really hurts, but regardless, dating as a woman feels way more natural and way more fun than my painfully awkward experiences prior to transition. I can’t wait for month 2!