The Ashes are over, and the pundits' form has been scratchier than an Alastair Cook innings. Who sank and who swam?

The Ashes are over, which for many of us means the end of a passionate summer fling with the couch. Though there are still T20s and ODIs to be played, with the Tests done it’s time to bathe, eat something nutritious and get to know your family and friends again.

The Channel Nine team are like family to many of us (with Michael Slater as the inappropriate uncle). Sure, things haven’t quite been the same with Richie Benaud out with injury and Tony Greig gone to the great commentary box in the sky, but the Nine roster is nothing if not familiar.

And if Tubby, Heals and Warney are like family, the Channel Ten Big Bash crew are like the new friends who, like, totally get you. Yes, they want you to sneak round the back of the dunnies and do stuff all the cool kids are doing, but they’re smooth talking enough that your mum doesn’t hate them.

There’s even a girl in the group (the awesome Mel McLaughlin), which is more than can be said for Channel Nine. And though McLaughlin does a great job in the studio, one wonders why the commentary box is such a lady free zone. It seems unlikely that Michael Slater’s borderline creepy interview with the Southern Stars’ Meg Lanning and Ellyse Perry would have happened if there’d been a female presence nearby, and there are plenty of former players from Australia’s women’s team who could bring knowledge and expertise from their time on the circuit.

So, in the blokey world of Australian TV cricket commentary, who is the boss? Here's a rundown in rough order of brilliance.

1) Ian Chappell

In a commentary team prone to hyperbole, Chapelli is the great-uncle who is too old to care anymore. He is, however, an incisive reader of the game and maintained a studied neutrality throughout the series offering criticism and praise based on performance rather than nationality. Cantankerous sometimes to the point of self-parody, he gets top spot on the basis of telling Piers Morgan where to go alone.

2) Ricky Ponting

With all due respect, Ponting seems a lot less like a used car salesman when you can’t see his face. Punter really knows his cricket, and is warming up on the mic; a bright hope for the future.

3) Bill Lawry

Channel Nine wheeled Bill Lawry out of retirement for the Boxing Day Test, and he promptly did his vocal cords when Mitchell Johnson ran out Joe Root and caught Ian Bell. When he’s not rasping he is the voice of cricket, though.

4) David “Bumble” Lloyd

Bumble’s Lancashire accent gives him a huge advantage. Like the West Indies’ Michael Holding, I could listen to Bumble read a train timetable - which is good, because his worst anecdotes (on the other hand, there are some crackers) are a lot like reading a train timetable.

5) Adam Gilchrist

Gilly is just a likeable dude. You can forgive him his failings because he doesn’t take himself too seriously, has great rapport with the rest of the team and has enough broadcast experience to control what’s going on.

6) Shane Warne

Nobody is disputing that Warney has a great cricket brain. But at the same time, it’s all about Warney. The constant flogging of “ball of the century” memorabilia was like a red rag to a bull. Other lowlights included a subpar day four of the fourth Test, and declaiming at length on the merits of Chris Rogers as a dancer.

7) Mark Taylor and Ian Healy

I know they’re not the greatest commentators in the world, but I really like Tubs and Heals. There’s nothing particularly offensive about them, depending on your tolerance for cracking cricket yarns from the 90s, and Healy does good analysis when he’s not overexcited.

8) Mark Nicholas

Brought in along with his spray-on suit to make sure the Channel Nine team isn’t just a reformed version of the Australian cricket team circa 1997, Nicholas is at best bland. At worst he speaks entirely in platitudes, from insisting that batsmen play their “natural game” to calling virtually everyone on the pitch a “pantomime villain”.

9) Michael Vaughan

Insightful at times and a talented broadcaster, but reduced to a class clown role at Nine. Shilling fried chicken on a crane was surely a career low.

10) Mark Waugh

Could do without the [insert hardware store] replay, but that’s not Junior’s fault and he brings some excitement to the BBL team. Probably best not to actually cheer when someone hits a six, though.

11) Damien Fleming

I really like Fleming as a broadcaster; he seems to strike a pretty good balance between analysis and anecdote. I could do without hearing about that dropped hat-trick again, though.

12) Sir Viv Richards

Not sure how Sir Viv finds the time to commentate between his duties doing car insurance ads and being impersonated by Michael Carberry. Can tell a great story, but has a tendency to ask detailed questions of his co-hosts, which can result in embarrassing silence. Like Bumble, he gets a plus for his accent.

13) James Brayshaw

Brayshaw is a bigger passenger than George Bailey in the fifth Test. Known for insights such as: "I don't think there's rain forecast, I haven't checked the forecast"

14) Andy Maher

Channel Ten’s Maher makes James Brayshaw look like a philosopher king. Last seen rapturously thanking Cricket Australia for “access” to David Warner.

15) Michael Slater

Slats has had an abominable summer, even leaving aside the aforementioned interview. Even his smallest utterances, such as his constant references to “Davey” Warner, manage to infuriate.

Honourable mention: Kerry O'Keeffe

Not a TV commentator but, as Russell Jackson pointed out, O'Keeffe's retirement from ABC's cricket coverage opens up a huge hole in the Australian summer.