The Blizzard Zoo detailed plans this week to release hundreds of their older Hearthstone cards into the harsh Azeroth wilderness. Critics consider this decision as Blizzard’s worse treatment of legacy game elements since Brood War.

“We’re simply running out of room in here,” explained lead zookeeper Ben Brode. “It’s sad to release beloved cards like Piloted Shredder, Sludge Belcher and others into the wild, but this is the only way to make space for newer, more standard exhibits in our zoo.”

Blizzard is hopeful that the newly-released cards can still lead a full, balanced life out in the wild. However, some experts speculate that most cards won’t survive more than a few days. “A Maexxna is worth a fortune on the black dust-market,” said card-conservationist Octavian “Kripp” Morosan. “Once Blizzard releases thousands of those defenseless, legendary spiders into the wild, they’ll be disenchanted in minutes. The danger of genocide will be a hot-button issue.”

“Disenchanting is a real danger for any Hearthstone entity in the wild,” said Jason “Amaz” Chan, who runs a successful team of B-list variety streamers. “Just last week we released our Firebat back into the wild, and he’s already disenchanted with our organization.”

According to sources, the success of the format system has spurred plans to add revolutionary new mechanics such as “trample” and “horsemanship.”

There are rumors that even some of the zoo’s most iconic exhibits could be genetically re-engineered as part of the restructural changes. At press time, three treants were seen protesting at the footsteps of Ben Brode’s house, demanding immunity from the zookeeper’s reforms. Sources say that Ben Brode greeted them with a smile, saying “Don’t worry, my old friends. Even if I banish you or mutilate your body into an unidentifiable mess, we’ll never take away your soul.”





