BOULDER, CO—Claiming that anyone with even a little bit of pride in their company would have dismissed such a terrible employee by now, telemarketer David Baker, 29, said Tuesday that he was losing respect for the “obviously incompetent” boss who continues not to fire him. “He called me into his office about a month ago. It was really the perfect time to tell me I should get a box and pack up my desk, but no, just another heartfelt inquiry into whether or not I’m feeling motivated. Disappointing,” said Baker, maintaining that “any idiot” should be able to see that retaining someone like him was a complete drain on company resources, not to mention the negative impact on the coworkers who must listen to his malingering while they constantly pick up his slack. “Any respect or admiration I might have once felt for my boss is completely lost. I’ve never seen anyone so inept at their job, and, to be honest, I’m really concerned for the future of this company. I wish he were more like my last supervisor who took less than two weeks to recognize I had no idea what I was doing and fire me.” When reached for further comment, Baker confirmed that he had been promoted.

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