CouchPotato.com to Sponsor First Annual Zombie Speed Eating Contest

Mahwah, NJ (Oct 30, 2014)

Move over, Nathan’s Hot Dogs. There’s a new speed eating competition in town. This Halloween, zombies from all across the world will descend upon Coney Island for the first annual Zombie Speed Eating Contest. The zombie who succeeds in eating the most brains will be declared the 2014 champion.

This event has been a long time in the making. “We believe that zombies are people too, and deserve to be treated as such”, said Bryna Pelsinger, COO of Couch Potato Entertainment. “This event will hopefully be the first of many which celebrate the unique cultural values which the zombie community has lent to our society”.

Zombie Association of America President Louis Perkins agreed, adding that “AAFaasr aaaaaghr rrerrrrrraaaaaa!! ehhhhhhhhhh”. (It should be be noted that Mr. Perkins currently goes by the name of “Vrugh”.)

The rules of the contest are simple. Each contestant will have a large pile of brains in front of him/her/it. Whoever eats the most brains (together with the buns that they came in) wins.

The event is open to the general public. While ticket sales have thus far been slow, Couch Potato Entertainment has required all contestants to sign a waiver in which they acknowledge that they are not allowed to bite, maim or consume any member of the audience. This applies both during the contest itself, and also at the post-contest autograph session, which all contestants are required to attend.



Based purely on the intimidation factor, Slrgg Johnson is our pick to win the contest.

Despite the generally positive vibes surrounding the event, there are a few subplots which are certain to add some tension to the otherwise friendly competition. For example, a contestant who goes by the name of Gaaark is believed to have been infected with the zombie virus by fellow contestant Plrrrrg (a former accountant from Topeka, Kansas). Surveillance video footage shows Gaaark being chased across a dark, empty parking lot by an individual who matches Plrrrg’s physical description. The individual believed to be Plrrrg then catches Gaaark, throws him against a fence, and bites him right in the face. Gaaark then responds by eating a stray dog.

Furthermore, both Gaaark & Plrrrrg arrived at the contest registration wearing the same filthy, ripped clothes that they can be seen wearing on the video.

Still, it is believed that the event will go off without a hitch, and that a good time will be had by all. As event organizer Felix Anderson stated, “Blaaaaavvvvv uuuuuuuu!!”

Uh oh.

Interested in learning more about zombies? Check out CouchPotato.com’s selection of Zombie DVD’s & Blu Rays.