"I don't really think of most non-English as people, more or less indigenous squirrels that I fancy to kick around with my snakeskin French Persian Boots " ~ Thom Yorke



"Get yourself some nachos" ~ Thom Yorke



"You can't make an egg without frying an egg" ~ Thom Yorke



"I guess I am narcisstic, but only in the sense that I am brilliant and tortured as well" ~ Thom Yorke



"My father beat me with a curtain rod when I was nine, (That was) the inspiration for Creep" ~ Thom Yorke



"Nobody wins the superbowl, I win the superbowl. I am the superbowl." ~ Thom Yorke



"I beat my children daily, with a shoe, because I don't want them to grow up fairies. At 9 p.m. I promptly play The Wall in full and walk around the house naked carrying cupcakes. It's important my children see my bits in graphic detail." ~ Thom Yorke



"I am the greatest thing to happen to black music." ~ Thom Yorke



"The hardest part about being in radiohead is being inside a giant head that is a radio. Ha ha, little english humour there, or is it a hammer?" ~ Thom Yorke



"I became a vegan because I'm better than you" ~ Thom Yorke



"I caused 9/11" ~ Thom Yorke



"If Radiohead were a fruit we would be apples, because apples are festive" ~ Thom Yorke



"I once tried playing baseball but I started crying." ~ Thom Yorke



"I resemble a rat" ~ Thom Yorke



"Like Jesus was hit with a spear I was hit with a pencil in 9th grade and that's why they call me salamander. In a way, I am a martyr of sorts. *laughs*"





"Have I told you I have cancer? It's a very special kind of cancer. Cancer of the soul." ~ Thom Yorke



"I didn't ask to be Thom Yorke. Thom Yorke asked to be me." ~ Thom Yorke



"The hardest part about being in Radiohead is listening to my own music." ~ Thom Yorke



(The funny thing about) most of the music on Amnesiac is that I was in my bathroom rattling tin cans and slapping a tuna and that's how most of the songs were written. Like Spinning Plates is actually me taking a dump in reverse." ~ Thom Yorke



"I won't live in a mostly Mexican neighborhood. I'm sorry I just won't do it." ~ Thom Yorke



"Ironically my brother died in a car accident shortly after Airbag was recorded. He's not an identical twin so I didn't care." ~ Thom Yorke



"I must admit something to you, I have cancer. Not normal, human cancer. I have cancer of the soul." ~ Thom Yorke



"The allegations of me being a pedophile are spurious, at best. However I will admit that taking my knickers off in the park and having an Easter Egg hunt with those apple-cheeked four year olds was in my best interest and not theirs" ~ Thom Yorke



"(I tried to) ride the rollercoaster last year but they told me I was too short. Sitting on the teacups ride and crying was what inspired In Rainbows" ~ Thom Yorke



"Anybody can make 'good' music. I make terrible music, which is what makes it so different, and therefore better." ~ Thom Yorke



"The concept of Kid A? How about the concept of I kick your fucking ass" ~ Thom Yorke



"I hate polar bears" ~ Thom Yorke



"Colin Greenwood is talentless garbage. It inspired a little joke amongst the band, after we'd go to the bathroom we'd say we made a colin greenwood."



"Making music for Radiohead is like going to the bathroom, I'm just going to the bathroom constantly, and millions are watching me go to the bathroom." ~ Thom Yorke



"The band often jokes that I stole Jonny's "H" and put it in my name. That's funny as hell motherfucker I dare you not to laugh" ~ Thom Yorke



"Well maybe if he wasn't spanish I wouldn't have had to knock his fillings out" ~ Thom Yorke



"Thom Yorke has a beautiful brain" ~ Thom Yorke



"I ultimately decided that I couldn't beat it more than three times a day, (I) was just too drained and chapped. That's what Radiohead is about. You're just drained and chapped, down there." ~ Thom Yorke



"I actually saw the loch ness monster when I was 9. She was big as a house. Want to know who the loch ness monster is? It's your obese mother. Burn motherfucker" ~ Thom Yorke



"It's about anal sex. 'The 'liffey' is my anus" ~ Thom Yorke



"Well actually I'm not a man but a carrot. The band was eating salads one day and a carrot fell off of the salad bar onto a microphone and the band realized that they had just discovered something brilliant. Me." ~ Thom Yorke



"I hate to sound self absorbed, but I'm just going to cast out this pearl of wisdom, if I could give the whole world cancer and kill them and be the last man on earth it would be a sign that god loves me especially." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm not saying my fans are stupid, but I once left a cabbage onstage next to a harmonica and nobody noticed for three hours" ~ Thom Yorke



"What the fuck is an enchilada?" ~ Thom Yorke



"I once wrote a song so beautiful that I myself couldn't sing it. It's called Plastic Government Cheese Swan, and it's about how the world is plastic and full of government cheese swans." ~ Thom Yorke



"If I weren't in Radiohead I'd be working at a grocery store, I'd be that creepy guy who lives in an efficiency apartment and collects salted, cured meats." ~ Thom Yorke



"I was abducted by aliens as a boy. Aliens is the name of a pedophile who lived in my alley." ~ Thom Yorke



"If I were a bottle of wine, my name would be Thom Cork" ~ Thom Yorke



"It's not racist if I like the race. But I don't like Asian people." ~ Thom Yorke



"Thom Yorke is beautiful" ~ Thom Yorke



"Treefingers is important, it's the point in which our protagonist crosses the icy tundra that is how to disappear completely to reach the island of Optimistic. But seriously, kill yourself." ~ Thom Yorke



"I actually have certain 'rules' going into the recording studio. For example I constantly wear earplugs and never listen to my own music. I even wear earplugs onstage. To this day I've never had to listen to a single one of my songs, and thank God for that.



*laughs* I'm actually an athiest. That's kind of deep you must admit." ~ Thom Yorke



"It turns out I have clinical schizophrenia. The unborn chicken voices were telling me to kill my family." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm Chris Martin with down syndrome" ~ Thom Yorke



"Yes I know Radiohead came before Chris Martin you think I'm a fucking idiot?" ~ Thom Yorke



"Look at that fat kid, in the audience. You want some pie you little fatty? I strongly dislike fat kids. Security, please remove him, that fat kid, over there, by the pies." ~ Thom Yorke



"I've tried crowd surfing but the radiating light that surrounds me kept sending me floating into the heavens. Goddamn I'm beautiful" ~ Thom Yorke



"My nickname in grade school was salamander because I have a lazy eye" ~ Thom Yorke



"My nickname in high school was jack-o-lantern because I'm missing 9 teeth" ~ Thom Yorke



"My nickname in college was talentless midget who has a lazy eye is missing teeth resembles a shaved troll doll because I'm a talentless midget who has a lazy eye is missing teeth resembles a shaved troll dol" ~ Thom Yorke



"It's not so much that I'm an atheist so much as the sneaking suspicion that I myself may be god" ~ Thom Yorke



"Technology is killing us. We think it's helping us but it's killing us. Don't ask me why because I don't have the time or the attention span to complete that thought. Now let's all hold hands and draw spider monkeys." ~ Thom Yorke



"I eat spotted dicks all day" ~ Thom Yorke



"Space Jam is my favorite movie. Don't ask me why, it just is." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm not a martyr, just a musician who dies for your sins. Oh, that's what a martyr is? Very well then, I am a martyr, if you insist." ~ Thom Yorke



"Americans are ugly unwashed clods that live off of government cheese. If I could, I'd take every living American, grind them up into a fine paste and use that paste to feed the dolphins, because they are neglected by the evil Americans." ~ Thom Yorke



"Maybe I'm not the smart, but at least I'm not our stupid" ~ Thom Yorke, age 5



"Maybe I'm not the gloaming witches smart, but at least I'm not our stupid liffey hamburger mongrels" ~ Thom Yorke, age 35



"I'm terrible at jigsaw puzzles. Other people solve the puzzle but I just keep trying to make the pieces that don't fit fit. I guess that's what makes me special, I try to assemble jigsaw puzzles incorrectly." ~ Thom Yorke



"If I could be any famous person, I'd be John Wilkes Booth, because I'd love to shoot Abraham Lincoln in the face" ~ Thom Yorke



"If I could be reincarnated as an animal I would be a stout fat child so I could kill myself. (I don't like) fat people ~ Thom Yorke



"Yes I usually make my kids eat their veggie chops and watch my concerts in dead silence. If they ask to watch spongebob squarepants I usually do something volatile like make them eat a yellow sponge with googly eyes on it. I hit them quite a bit, but then again I blame the condom manufacturing government for forcing me to birth them." ~ Thom Yorke



"I've been reading a book lately. That book is Thom Yorke, and the conclusion is that he's brilliant." ~ Thom Yorke



"Trying to find my flaws is like trying to find a black person at one of our concerts" ~ Thom Yorke



"As a boy I was a hermit crab, but I soon came out of my shell. Now I am a pincer crab, and soon I will be at my full power as a deadly nuclear lobster." ~ Thom Yorke



"I spend over 3 million a year buying cars and having them destroyed. I hate cars almost as much as I hate you." ~ Thom Yorke



"I love you so much, sweetheart" ~ Thom Yorke, talking into a mirror



"Get the shit out of my house" ~ Thom Yorke



"Radiohead? I'm sorry, I'm not a band called "Radiohead". Perhaps you meant Radiohead?" ~ Thom Yorke



"The bends was about a time when I fell down getting out of bed and cracked my morning wood right in two." ~ Thom Yorke



"The pointless snide remarks of hammerheaded sharks" ~ Thom Yorke



"You can't be me, if you were me, I wouldn't be me. But I am me, and you are you, so therefore, I am I, and better than you." ~ Thom Yorke



"15 Step is about how if you have mental illness and try to dance you look very funny. Whenever you see me dancing on stage, I'm imitating the mentally ill." ~ Thom Yorke



"And that was when I realized I was wearing my shoes all along." ~ Thom Yorke



"What do you mean the sizzler won't honor my coupon? I'm Thom fucking Yorke" ~ Thom Yorke



"Most Radiohead songs are actually REM songs, I just have a mentally ill child read the lyrics aloud and then I change the melodies a bit." ~ Thom Yorke



"It's not that I'm better than you, just that you're not as good as I am" ~ Thom Yorke



"Amnesiac was written to make fun of senior citizens with alzheimers. I hate them and I wish they'd die." ~ Thom Yorke



"I lost my virginity to a pumpkin when I was 23. Back then I was convinced I was actually a Vegetable, hell, that's what the song is about." ~ Thom Yorke



"A pumpkin is a fruit? Fuck You a hole" ~ Thom Yorke



"I beat him on the head with a shovel, buried him in a shallow grave near Oxford. Thom is dead. I'm the real Thom now." Thom Yorke, on acid



"I'm the Legendary Radio Head" ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm listening to Aphex Twin. That makes me cultured and interesting." ~ Thom Yorke



"It's impossible being me, I radiate a glow that makes others turn and grimace in horror as if staring into the sun." ~ Thom Yorke



"I could not extrapolate some emotion from any song after 1997 so I bought a drum machine and popped pills. The pink ones make me funny like elephants!" ~ Thom Yorke



"Hunting Bears is a complex song. A bear, as you know is another term for a chubby chaser. The guitar line is actually the sound of a fat man's thighs rubbing together as he approaches another lardy male for a night of sexual deviance." ~ Thom Yorke



"i'M nOT thOM yorkE but a. ROBOT." ~ Thom Yorke being a douchebag



"Radiohead is overrated. Thom Yorke's solo output, however, is brilliant." ~ Thom Yorke



"The only thing more difficult than being a God is being Thom Yorke. Thom Yorke has all these responsibilities, to save the planet. To save the world. To redeem Thom Yorke." ~ Thom Yorke



"I've been working hard on a new song, it's titled "Frozen Piggy Pudding". It's about how the government is full of pigs who eat pudding all day. Oh look a frisbee, *higgles* allo' govna" ~ Thom Yorke



"Have you ever seen any member of radiohead aside from me in public? Do they interact or 'lift' objects? Holograms, all of them. I created them in 1991 using my massive brainpower. Even pitchforkmedia is a product of my brilliant imagination." ~ Thom Yorke



"My mother tried to abort me herself with a coathanger, hence my wobbly eye. *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"One person can't change the world. But Thom Yorke can, because he's two people. Both of them are Thom Yorke." ~ Thom Yorke



"I don't know why people called me Tom. My name is THUMB." ~ Thom Yorke



"Salad Spinner 46 is a pretty deep song, maybe the deepest I've written. What do you mean that's not one of my songs? I wrote the goddamn song, fuck you dad *laughs*." ~ Thom Yorke



"You're a lame ass. I don't care if you're 13, stop crying *laughs*." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'll regularly just burst out into laughter at funerals, at the expense of the dead. What's the difference between a dead person and Thom Yorke? One is talented and the other is dead. Fuck you grandma *laughs*." ~ Thom Yorke



"I use various soaps and hand sanitizers in the shower. I shower maybe fifteen times a day, but Thom Yorke is never really clean *laughs*." ~ Thom Yorke



"I sometimes have birthday parties for the kids in my neighborhood and then pretend to suggest that I am going to molest them to the parents. It's a hilarious prank even though I am not a paedophile. *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"My parents mistook me for a sack of potatoes so I sat in the corner of the kitchen for the first 13 years of my life. My birth name is Thom Potatoes *laughs*." ~ Thom Potatoes



"Chicken Little change my life when I was younger. I had no idea chickens could talk *laughs*." ~ Thom Yorke



"Sometimes we and the members of Coldplay have an orgy together, (Martin) insists we don't invite any women, but I always invite a few. Usually I sing Fake Plastic Trees while he reams me from behind *Laughs* It wears me out *laughs*." ~ Thom Yorke



"I went to the hospital and I told them I had cancer of the soul. The doctos said there was no cure, so I held a funeral for my hopes and dreams *laughs*." ~ Thom Potatoes



"I am made of owls *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"At the KFC there's, lot of black people there innit *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"Sometimes I stand in store windows and pretend to be a mannequin. People are like 'hey, that mannequin looks alot like thom yorke' Then I start to sing The Gloaming and lurch toward them and they run off horrified." ~ Thom Yorke



"What's the difference between Thom Yorke and a pizza? Pizza's not as cheesy and delicious as Thom Yorke." ~ Thom Yorke



*woman screams* "What the hell am I doing here? *smiles*" ~ Thom Yorke in the ladies' room



"Occasionally I'll just pull out a rifle and shoot one of my audience members. So far there have been no complaints filed." ~ Thom Yorke



"Goddamn I love these fucking pancakes." ~ Thom Yorke



"2+2=5 wasn't intentional. I thought you carry a 1 every time there are two 2's in an equation. I'm not stupid, the mathematicians is stupid" ~ Thom Yorke



"I hate cars. They are so loud, and ugly, and full of toxic exhaust, like radiohead fans." ~ Thom Yorke



"The band name came about when the original vocalist died when a huge radio fell on his head. He trotted about for a while dancing with the radio on his head, before he died of asphyxiation and blood loss. *Laughs* it was hilarious" ~ Thom Yorke



"Cigarrettes make you look cool" ~ Thom Yorke



"If I could be any animal I would be a pony because then I could have sex with ponies.

Pony, what a funny word. Say it, pony. PO-KNEE. Now ah've made myself giddy with delight. Towards the ponies *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"It's hard being Thom Yorke. You have to get up every morning and look at that face and not shoot at it with a gun." ~ Thom Yorke



"I will never run out of quotes. I am, after all, the Thom Yorke." ~ Thom Yorke



"Almost every song on OK Computer revolves around how I am afraid computers get up at night and attempt to choke me with their wires.*doesn't laugh*" ~ Thom Yorke



"My father slapped my thighs with a variety of meats until I began to cry and sulked in the corner. I later became a musician" ~ Thom Yorke



"Most of my dancing is actually convulsions from having to listen to my own music" ~ Thom Yorke



"Our merchandised may be over priced, but I think it's reasonable considering I only want more money." ~ Thom Yorke



"THOM YORKE!?!?!" ~ Thom Yorke



"I was like WHO'S THERE? HELLO?! Turns out the phone wasn't plugged in. *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"Yes, I said all these things but they are being taken WILDLY out of context. If I ever see Crystalknight86 on the street I'm going to beat his head in with a lead pipe" ~ Thom Yorke



"Without the pie you can't really make the pie or cook the music. And all it all really depends on the pie" ~ Thom Yorke



"Well I fucking do wish I was a balloon animal because then I wouldn't have to do the income tax. I'd just be a goddamn balooning animal and they'd be like 'whes thom?' he's a fucking balloon animal now asshole., fuck you mother fucker" ~ Thom Yorke



"Rock music is, is a necessary evil, like beating my children with penny loafers" ~ Thom Yorke



"anal" ~ Thom using google



"You're not Thom Yorke, I'm Thom Yorke"~ Thom Yorke to mirror



"Is Thom Yorke there? Oh he is? Well then how the fuck can I be Thom Yorke, talking to you, right here, on the phone." ~ Thom Yorke, talking on the phone to someone four feet behind him



"I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky. No that's no good. Ooonee day, I am gonnnaaa grow wiiings. Ah perfection." ~ Thom writing lyrics



"If I was an owl, I would peck your eyes out. Wow this lyric is fucking brilliant." ~ Thom Yorke



"I had a dream where my face was a hamburger. What the fuck? *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I can dance, and play the tuba. I made up a dance called The Mackerel." ~ Thom's resume



"Follow me, to a land of wonder, amusement, and adventure!!!!" ~ Thom in his van



"I cannot read a fortune cookie without breaking down and crying. I am sensitive." ~ Thom Yorke



" My face looks like this all the time." ~ Thom Yorke



"Do you think Radiohead is my whole goddamn life? I also have a roadside cart where I sell apples and mincemeat pies." ~ Thom Yorke



"That there, that's not me. How the fuck could I be pointing at myself? You obviously do not understand the concept of perspective. I'm going to hit you now." ~ Thom Yorke to his son



"It's the most goddamn beautiful thing I've ever written on this chocolate cake. And now I will eat the cake, and my insides will be beautiful as well." ~ Thom Yorke



"Thomyorkland. It's my amusement park. What the fuck do you want." ~ Thom Yorke



"Those mice, in my house, they are industrious. I watch them, in their colonies. Conspiring against me. I have a loaded gun by my bedside, should they revolt against their master." ~ Thom Yorke



"He didn't like Radiohead so I shot him in his fucking head." ~ Thom Yorke



"Leave me alone I want to go to bed!!!" ~ Thom to a gnome



"I wear lampshades on my head and stand in people's living rooms. They're like 'Billy can you go turn on the light?' and I whisper 'you mean turn on the thom yorke' *chortle*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I-cant make love to you. It will never compare to how I make love to myself." ~ Thom Yorke



"Stop crying nerd I threw your gameboy in the toilet" ~ Thom Yorke



"The society, is, a dishwasher, where all the water, is, dead chipmunk blood. God I'm brilliant." ~ Thom Yorke



"I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I know maybe they don't really think it's a funny joke." ~ Thom Yorke



"I may be a tough fellow but I have a reflective side as well. Reflective as in I'll bash your head in with a fucking mirror." ~ Thom Yorke



"Like a fat raccoon rummaging through the garbage, Jonny. Like a fucking fat raccoon." ~ Thom on Colin's eating habits.



"I found myself crying but also eating and I realized then that tears were the sweetest sauce" ~ Thom Yorke



"Isn't it strange how someone can be both human and divine at the same time? I am referring, of course, to myself." ~ Thom Yorke



"I once got hit with a taser at a concert and everyone thought I was dancing. Now I have to do that dance, at every show for the rest of my life, or admit that a taser can damage the Thom Yorke" ~ Thom Yorke, whispering to self



"I see fat kids on the street all the time and I give them free radiohead t-shirts with bullseyes on them. Later when I see them wearing the t-shirts I shoot at them with bb guns while riding a very large dog and singing kicking squealing gucci little piggy over and over" ~ Thom Yorke



"OK Computer? More like No Thank You Computers. They killed my father, and I hate them." ~ Thom Yorke



"Cellphones give you cancer? I give you cancer." ~ Thom Yorke



"Turtles are, actually quite sexy, if you think about it. I'm getting an erection just thinking about turtles. No, not a stripper named turtles, that's not funny. Actual turtles." ~ Thom Yorke



"I could blow bubbles. Bubbles would solve any dilemma we face. If bubbles were president there would be no war." ~ Thom Yorke



"The only real difference between me and chocolate pudding is that I am not a black man." ~ Thom Yorke



"My uncle used to sit me on his lap and play "ventriloquist", only I wasn't wearing pants." ~ Thom Yorke



"When people ask me for an autograph I usually ask for a pen and then stab them with it." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm a full grown man and I'm not tall enough to ride a rollercoaster. So I will sit on the teacups, eat my tea and biscuits and reminisce with the cheshire cat who lives in my head. Oh hello Mr. Cheshire, lovely weather this morning. Mr. Cheshire? Oh my god."~ Thom Yorke



"What the hell do you mean cats don't lay eggs?! Then what the hell did I just eat?!" ~ Thom Yorke



"It's ironic that they're called shoes because they don't shoe." *Walks around a bit* "Never mind" ~ Thom Yorke



"My heart is a weatherballoon caught in an updraft of a chinese tax percentage, the tax percentages are unequivocaaaaaaaaaal, Unequivocaaaaaaaaal. This is the sort of lyrics you could never think of, loser. Here's a razorblade go cut yourself" ~ Thom Yorke to an 8 year old



"It turns out I could get into Italy because somehow a paper bag got stuck to my passport, and they thought I was the paper bag. They shot the paper bag with a shotgun because they thought it was spying on girls in a tree. That's pretty rude I'm just saying. Not that I wouldn't pound 'em like an english pound, whatever that means." ~ Thom Yorke



"If you Americans aren't from the stone age then explain to me how your president is a fucking pterodactyl" ~ Thom Yorke, being escorted out of The Sizzler



"More like Jonny Hugewood man that's big." ~ Thom Yorke



"How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong? Won't take my eyes off the ball again. You really aren't good at teaching people how to play baseball." ~ Thom Yorke, learning what baseball is.



"I don't have a car phone that's my wife you're talking about!" ~ Thom Yorke, fists akimbo



"Shut up, nerd. Maybe if I was a closet internet virgin without millions of dollars hot babes and an english accent that goes down like smooth whipped vegan cream on a long summer night in the bahamas with a poolboy with a nice tan who looks like Chris Martin and wears a sharp dark blazer to match his gorgeously pale and sexy body with its manly stubble that makes 16 year old girls and boys queef in their shoes I would give half a shit why you fucking shit you shit and then I'll get a phone cord and fuck your mother 'til she falls over and then I slap her and nurse her back to health with my world famous banana smoothies (Light on the banana high on the smoothy) Only so she could see me pummel her son in his 6 inch rimmed glasses quadruple Taco-Bell chin and a potbelly stomach that could only be earned through hours of watching spiderman in underoos and playing Super Mario Bros. for the extra lives exploit on the blocks that was cool in the 80's but today it is pretty lame what with the technological graphics cards and the high concept blenders made by the neu-Tolstoys and Venetian blind electronica artists they fry my brains I think that's a squirrel or is the word I'm thinking of quarrel oh i lost my train of thought is that an alligator on a leash oh it's a cactus how quaint daffoidls afablbubbles *mumbles incoherently*" ~ Thom Yorke being interviewed



"I often steal sandwiches, eat them, and put the container's back., with a signed autograph of my self in its place. It's my way of giving back to society." ~ Thom Yorke



"Metaphorically I am made of chairs. It's a metaphor though. That means I am not actually made of the chairs." ~ Thom Yorke



"You ate my pet escargot you *** hole" ~ Thom Yorke



"Make me breakfast or I'll kill you" ~ Thom to a 1980's Hewlett Packard computer



"And the moral of the story is I'm Thom Yorke." ~ Thom Yorke



"I can't dance like this. Get me a water balloon and some duct tape. Those are my dancing tools" ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm like Bruce Willis in that I'm dead the whole time, impressive innit? Wooooooooooo." *sulks in the fetal position, then indian style, humming No surprises*



"What if I really am dead?" *starts to cry* ~ Thom Yorke



"If it was called Bunting Hears that would be stupid shut the fuck up" ~ Thom yorke



"Women's underwear section it's like Narnia's wardrobe for my erotic delights *dances sensually*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I may have attacked that computer with an axe, but it attacked my thoughts with powerful industrial mind phasers. You can't deny the phasers." ~ Thom Yorke



"How the hell am I supposed to play guitar with this octopus on my face. The octopus is metaphorical of course. I'm not telling you what it is a metaphor of." ~ Thom Yorke



"No that's a branch you owl I can't make it dinner" ~ Thom Yorke



"You think I'm playing one day I will be a rich rockstar whose entire fame will bank on some helium he found in a truck when he was 8. Wait and see." ~ Thom Yorke



"I named my son Noah for the same reason Chris Martin named his apple: we're asses." ~ Thom Yorke



"I could shave my eyebrows and you'd think I'm from the future" ~ Thom Yorke



"My only means of self defense is to wiggle my eye and feign being a salamander. It has saved my life but once I was partially eaten by a bald eagle who thought I was a salamander. Hence, my skills. Hence." ~ Thom Yorke



"I have multiple personalities, but, being a fairly uncreative individual, they are all Thom Yorke." ~ Thom Yorke



"Packt Like Sardines is about how, if you were sardiines you'd be packed...like sardines. Get the shit out of my house." ~ Thom Yorke



"Oh my god I'm flying this is fucking amazing" ~ Thom Yorke playing Starfox 64







"Hmm, gamefaqs.com? Now I can find out how to reach level 40 in Maple Story. For..for my children." *clicks* "Oh, there's a rock board, quaint." *Clicks*



...



http://salonkritik.net/images/yorke.jpg" ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm achingly aware of my own limitations as both part of the human race and as an individual. I'm just, casting this out that, maybe, I'm not so perfect as is the affront I oft put on. After all, the lyric is 'I wish I was special'. I truly just want to be loved and accepted, I think, like all humans." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm absolutely terrified that people can get into cars. It's like the car is a face, and the headlight is eyes, and when you open the car door it's like you're climbing into the ears. (I cannot) be inside a giant rolling robot head." ~ Thom Yorke



"Do not tell me what I can and cannot do. I'll be as asian as I want to (Stretches his eyes in a racist manner)." ~ Thom Yorke



"His name is colonel mittens and he saved my life in the great mouse war." ~ Thom Yorke



"Bulletproof is about the fact that I was shot in the face and survived. Nah I'm joking that'd be grisly and awful." ~ Thom Yorke



"I have elephantitus" ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living." ~ Thom Yorke



"The muffin pans watch you as you sleep.Staring into your soul." ~ Thom Yorke



"This coffee cup is staring into my soul" ~ Thom Yorke



"That hamburger is staring into my soul" ~ Thom Yorke



"My soul, that dishwasher is staring into it" ~ Thom Yorke



"They banned me from Sears, because I warned them all the appliances were staring into my soul" ~ Thom Yorke



"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's a goddamn chicken he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing" ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm achingly aware of my own limitations as both part of the human race and as an individual. I'm just, casting this out that, maybe, I'm not so perfect as is the affront I oft put on. After all, the lyric is 'I wish I was special'. I truly just want to be loved and accepted, I think, like all humans." ~ Thom Yorke



"Get in the goddamn time machine or perish!" ~ Thom screaming at a snowman



"There was a clown that tried to eat me as a boy, in my nightmares. Years later I found a clown for booking online who resembled him named Patches. Needless to say, Patches is dead now. *Puts a bloody patch on the table*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I stopped showering ever since I realized water causes people to drown. I cannot risk being so close to something that can murder me. Do you let killers into your house? Oh, but you let a murderer come out of your own faucet. Hypocrite." ~ Thom Yorke



"Shut up I'm talking to Mr. Peanut on the phone here. Hello Mr. Peanut? You are a peanut there aren't you *blushes* I'm gonna eat you *smiles*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm going bowling and no one can stop me. Oh, you took my bowling shoes...checkmate*sulks*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm glad I escaped the clutches of those evil gnomes... I'm talking, of course, about Puerto Ricans." ~ Thom Yorke



"I may have found the cure for cancer, and I think it might be Thom Yorke Serum." ~ Thom Yorke



"I couldn't reach that kite stuck in the tree, and it was then I learned the futility of life. If only I had a ladder" ~ Thom Yorke



"They call me "coffee". I grind so fine." ~ Thom Yorke



"Pushes his own bellybutton in the mirror *giggles like the pillsbury doughboy* hoo hoo!" ~ Thom Yorke



"Imagine? Yeah I can imagine John Lennon being dead." ~ Thom Yorke



"What's the difference between your mother and sea world? Your mother is shamu." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm baking stories, and singing cookies, oh the tonderous wimes! " ~ Thom Yorke



"How ironic." ~ Thom trying to get a Rubik's cube to solve him



"Who did this?!!!?!" ~ Thom Yorke crying beside a puddle with a hat, a pipe, a scarf and some coal, in July.



"Oh my god is that Thom Yorke?!" ~ Thom Yorke, screaming in a large crowd



"I'm horrified of leprechauns. I'm horrified that I might be leprechauns." ~ Thom Yorke



"They think I'm homeless but I actually just enjoy the minimalist lifestyle this box provides" ~ Thom Yorke



"Kid A is about an abortion. An abortion of the soul. *Begins to cry, holds up air quotes* Thom Yorke." ~ Thom Yorke



"They took me to play football but I was so depressed that I requested to be the football and they kicked me around the lawn and did a field goal and I landed in a trashbin and broke my leg." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm actually a master of disguise. You see that, that potted plant over there? It's me." ~ Thom Yorke



"Remember that Cosby show where he harrassed the children? Well I put on a little suit and because I am so small they invited me on but nobody was laughing at my jokes. I guess I'm just, too, particularly smart for them. *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"You may find it humorous" *holds up a bone, *giggles* ~ Thom Yorke



"The Thom Yorke gargled, and then he snargled that gargle." ~ Thom Yorke, to children



"Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me, Happy Birthday to Thom Yorke, Happy Birthday to Thom Yorke, Happy Birthday to Me, Thom Yorke, Happy Birthday To Me, Happ." ~ Thom Yorke



"I wanted to live with the fucking manta rays, but they banned me from Sea World." ~ Thom Yorke



"We- Want to Debut a song tonight. It's called Clockwork Tin Tuna Menagerie. *holds up drumsticks* Save The Tuna" ~ Thom Yorke



"If I could do just one thing to change the world, I'd make everyone Thom Yorke, and this would be paradise." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm still not certain on the nature of the spork, whether it is a fork and a spoon, or a fork and a knife mixed together, or maybe a fork and a fork on top. Life is full of mysteries yeah man" ~ Thom Yorke



"Every Christmas people are so nice to me, they think I am Little Tim from A Christmas Story. But I'm not. *smiles*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I tied a bunch of balloons to a beach chair and tried to float up to heaven. *begins to weep* There's no heaven, and birds tried to kill me! *shrivels up*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I don't even have children, it's just been an excuse to play jenga and hit softballs in my backyard with a box of laundry detergant wearing baby clothes." ~ Thom Yorke



"We- we want to play a new song for you tonight, it's called get the hell out of my house. *cocks shotgun*~ Thom Yorke



"All English people have bad teeth, but I was also kicked in the teeth, by god, when he made me english." ~ Thom Yorke



"I recently enrolled at an elementary school and they accepted me. I am finally going to get revenge on those kids that beat me up as a boy, assuming they are still attending." ~ Thom Yorke



"I started playing with confetti, and throwing the confetti, and then there was confetti everywhere, and I pretended to clean the confetti up, but instead threw more confetti." ~ Thom Yorke



"If I had one wish I'd wish for a million wishes because I am clever." ~ Thom Yorke



"There are a lot of things I cannot do, such as eat books and read chicken."~ Thom Yorke



"Sometimes I wish I was the a woman, and then I'd look at myself naked in the mirror." *shivers* ~ Thom Yorke



"I don't write lyrics, the lyrics write Thom Yorke" ~ Thom Yorke



"It's a true story, actually. I woke up sucking on a lemon. Someone put a lemon in my mouth while I was sleeping." *laughs* ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm even taller in person, because photographs shrink you down and steal your soul native american." ~ Thom Yorke



"To protest, I stood in the place of a waste receptacle and opened my mouth. That's how I lost my virginity *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I was depressed and my shoes were, too shoes. I can't fly with the happy people and eat balloons. There are words like sarcophagus that make me feel like I am suffocating. God my hands are so weird looking" ~ Thom Yorke



"Oh my god is that an eel" ~ Thom Yorke at sea world



"When I was four I read the story of horton hears a who and I cried. I wanted to eat that elephant." ~ Thom Yorke



"Kid A is about an abortion. *laughs* It's about how our music is an abortion" ~ Thom Yorke



"Mephostopheles is the name of a male gigolo I knew. When he's reaching up to grab me, I suppose it's an erotic bit of poetry." ~ Thom Yorke



"Alot of my lyrics are about beating my children. 'Hit the bottom and escape' is a cry for help. oh god someone stop me" ~ Thom Yorke



"My son wouldn't eat his veggie chop and then I closed the blinds and touched myself furiously to asian octopus erotica. At 9 p.m. I promptly cried into my pillow and began to get into a fistfight with the potted plant near the door that looked like my father." ~ Thom Yorke



"It's easy to quote Thom Yorke. But for it to actually be a real quote, well, that's the difficult part. *laughs*" ~ Thom Yorke



"I demanded that goddamn figgy pudding 9 times which was what brought it to fisticuffs. if they had just provided the figgy pudding there never would've been a scuffle or a tiff. I don't even know what figgy pudding is but I want some" ~ Thom Yorke



"It turns out I had accidentally married a horse *laughs* But we won't be getting divorced." *laughs* ~ Thom Yorke



"And I will be having sex with the horse" *laughs* "Maybe two horses" *laughs* "And your mother" *laughs* ~ Thom Yorke



"But it's really all about the horse sex" *laughs*~ Thom Yorke



"If I was made of chocolate I would melt myself in a car to ruin the interior." ~ Thom Yorke



"Growing up I always wanted to be a potted plant, but my father, the bastard, told me that could never be." ~ Thom Yorke



"I'm terrified of lasagna. I think it was to eat ME!" ~ Thom Yorke



"I wear pants on the outside because pants is how I feel on the inside" *titter*~ Thom Yorke



"It's like riding a bicycle, except the bicycle is in space and you die because you can't breathe bicycle." ~ Thom Yorke



"Hungry Hungry Hippos is so depressing. You continuously chomp away at those balls and you are alone and it's your birthday.'" ~ Thom Yorke



"If we replaced all of our guns with chicken sandwiches it would end all war immediately." ~ Thom Yorke.



"I didn't order this goddamn flan" ~ Thom Yorke



"It's A-Maze-Ing! I'm referring to this maze." *snicker* Thom Yorke



"Sonic the hedgehog is a beautiful statement on capitalism. You spend your whole life collecting yellow rings and then hit one spike and lose them all. And there is a fat man who wants to kill you." ~ Thom Yorke



"I know I'm 38 but I insist that santa claus exists and he raped my mother when I was 9." ~ Thom Yorke



"I wear my pants on my upper torso to be abstract and different." ~ Thom Yorke



Thom Yorke shouldn't fancy himself invincible, rather, very weak, only having an extremely pompous opinion of himself for some reason.



Oh uh, ~ Thom Yorke







