04 of 05

How To Answer Questions on OkCupid

Whether you've got a brand new profile or a long-standing one, you're going to want to review the step prior to this one before moving on (Do You Know What You Want on OkCupid?). The reasoning is simple: if you just answer questions willy-nilly, you'll get similar results. You actually do want to meet someone, right?

With your list of two or three must-haves in hand, log back into OkCupid, and find your Profile (there's usually a link at the top of every page). Click on Questions, and then look for the button on the right side that says Clear All Answers, and click on it. ​Those of you with brand new profiles can of course skip this step.

Why are you clearing all your answers though, answers you've spent likely hours cultivating? They a huge part of why the folks you want to meet elude you, and thus we're starting from scratch.

*Note: This step is tough for a lot of people. Please, let go. They're just questions. If you truly want to meet someone amazing, you have to let go of whatever hasn't worked before. If for some reason you can't let go of the questions, start another profile.

Now, let's start answering some questions, borrowing heavily from the tactics shared in Optimal Cupid: Mastering the Hidden Logic of OkCupid.

Criteria for Answering Questions

Know that most of the questions presented are irrelevant to you and a potential match, and therefore you will ONLY answer questions where they're truly of consequence, they're specifically listed on your handy dandy sheet you just made, and where you can "throw away" one answer, because you know very few people you're interested in would ever choose that answer. Here is an example.

Example: How often do you keep your promises?

Most of the questions on the site are either Yes/No, or offer four options to answer. Try to focus on the questions with four options where possible (in this case, it is).

If the question is a Yes/No question, you want to seriously think about it, and if it's something you must have in a match. One question might be, "Would you honestly answer any question concerning your sexual history that a partner might ask?" If this is a yes, and you want anyone you're matched with to say yes with absolute certainty, select Yes, will only accept those who answer Yes, and then mark the question as Very Important.

If the question offers four options, such as the promises one, pick your answer. Then, pick three of the four other answers that you can live with your potential match answering, and then choose Very Important. Again, it must be Very Important to you, so just skip anything that's irrelevant.

Why are we doing this? McKinlay explains in Optimal Cupid that you want to match with the highest number of potential matches, while still filtering out anyone who fits someone else's perfect criteria.

Repeat For Ten Questions

Wow, really? Yep. Ten questions. You're going to find very quickly that you're skipping more questions than you're answering, and that's okay. For most people, it'll take 100 or more questions to find ten that you can and want to answer using the criteria listed above. Feel free to take a break after you've found your first ten, because this will likely take you an hour or more.

Start Searching

When you're ready to keep on going, search your matches by percentage within your desired age range and area. You'll definitely see people you've never seen before, which is great!

Like in the step where you figured out what you want in a partner, go look at your top match's profile. Note any words or concepts in there that resonate with you, and write them down next to your List.

Next, go look at this match's questions (look at the top of their profile, then click on Questions or The Two of You - it'll depend on your Match % as to what you see), and filter by Unanswered By You. Now go and find 2-10 questions of theirs that resonate with you, and answer them in the same fashion. If they only have a few questions answered, go back and do the same with the next match on your list.

Rinse, Repeat

For each five to 10 questions you answer, re-run your Search by Best Match %, and go through this process again. Why? Again, refer to Optimal Cupid for specifics; briefly, the questions presented to you will change depending on how you answer, and you want control of what you're sharing.

Your goal should be 100 questions answered. You'll see with each search that the folks you come across changes (in some cases, dramatically), and that some keywords appear more often than others. Keep on taking note of those words, especially if they're important to you.