BARVE Eyes plus Doumit and Medlen :(



Off-season Haiku:

Extensions galore,

Sad injuries everywhere,

and now Ervin? #BARVES

Best Names in the Farm System:

RHP Shae Simmons

RHP Wirfin Obispo

RHP Gus Schlosser

1B Trenton Moses

2B Emerson Landoni

RHP Francois Lafreniere

LHP Eric Pfisterer

RHP Ignacio Geronimo

RHP Dakota Dill

RHP Jesus Jones

RHP Osman Manzanares

RHP Evertz Orozco

SS Ray-Patrick Didder

SS Ozhaino Albies

1B Juruengelo Tielman

OF Nisandro Cleofa

C Orrin Sears

RHP Reymi Ruiz

2B Mattia Mercuri

LHP Felix Falcon

RHP Evertz Orozco

3B Terrence Josephina

OF Ledernin Tejada

OF Reangelo Williams

FIVE BOLD PREDICTIONS:

After Julio Teheran goes down with an elbow injury in May, the Braves will sign 70-year-old Tommy John to be their fifth starter.

Andrelton Simmons will break the new Defensive Efficiency tracking system, as well as all other defensive metrics. This will lead to a new defensive metric called RIG (Routinely Insane Greatness) that literally only tracks Andrelton Simmons. No one else qualifies.

Dan Uggla will hit 50 home runs despite hitting .114

Craig Kimbrel will strike you out. Yes, you.

If the Braves are eliminated from playoff contention and are struggling with attendance, they will sign Kate Upton to play right field, thus completing the Upton outfield trifecta. Small sample size be damned, she will post a higher SLG% than Jason Heyward in her limited time as a starter.