Democrats Call Upon Nation To Unify Against Other Half Of Nation

U.S.—Leading Democrats made a rousing call for unity in a deeply divided nation last week, pledging to "speak no ill" of any candidate as long as that candidate was a Democrat. "It's time for this country to heal, join hands, and unify against the other half of the country," said Democratic senator Karen Whitfield from New Hampshire. "The only way to end the deep division the nation has faced is to commit yourself to not even questioning or having a single negative thought about anyone who calls themselves a Democrat."

The #IPledge campaign, started by civility champions and huge celebrities George Tekai and Alyssa Milano, asks those who join it to stop asking Democratic candidates annoying questions or pointing out when candidates say or do stupid things or commit crimes. The movement has birthed such slogans as "hold left hands to punch the right," "Criticism is Treason," and "Questioning is for Traitors."

A written pledge has been drafted and Democrats across the nation have been asked to sign the document to unify with half the country. Those who refuse will be executed.

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