Turkeys may look dumb, but they know a society on the brink of collapse when they see one. There's no question that turkeys have slowly been seeking revenge for several centuries of Thanksgiving dinners and subpar bodega sandwiches, and it seems they've started with the East Coast's weakest link—New Jersey.

First, a postal worker in Hillsdale was trapped in his truck by a gang of local turkeys. Now, an entire township is under seige—residents of Teaneck say wild turkeys are terrorizing them left and right, pecking at residents, cars, and meticulously seeded lawns. Indeed, one turkey was so dedicated to his mission, he crashed through a woman's kitchen window, leaving a calling card in the shape of a talon on the very table at which his brethren had likely been eaten.

"It was so loud and so dramatic when the bird came in, glass was flying everywhere, we were covered in glass, the bird was freaking out, the turkey was throwing his wings," Courtney Lopchinsky told NBC New York. "I called 911, I said, 'there's a turkey in my house, I need your help!'"

Turkeys, all jokes aside, can be quite scary, and the Lopchinsky family was lucky enough to suffer only mild cuts and bruises in the kitchen attack. Teaneck officials say they will attempt to ward off future fowl assaults using air horns, but since the turkeys are protected, no particularly aggressive action can be taken. "I think that everybody just wants a peaceful solution, and maybe the turkeys could just be taken somewhere," Lopchinsky told ABC 7, but in New Jersey, the turkeys take you.

