BY Mike Hawk

Packing

NEW BRUNSWICK— Our very own Scarlet Knights will be facing New Mexico this Saturday and when asked how he plans to prepare, our very own Chris Ash had this to say.

“When New Mexico sends their players, they’re sending their best. They’re sending kids with a lot of talent, and they’re using that talent against us. They’re knocking down our passes. They’re fumbling our balls. They’re good athletes. And some, I assume are bad players.”

Ash went on to describe how he plans to build a wall around the stadium to prevent the opposing players from coming in. Instead of practice, all of the players are now required to spend three hours a day contributing to the construction of the wall.

The football team seems to be divided on Ash’s decision to build the wall instead of holding practice. When asked about the wall, an unnamed player stated, “I don’t understand all the controversy. All coach said was that some of the New Mexico players are a lot better than us not all of them. Football has become too politically correct nowadays.”

Other players show heavy disgust in Ash trying to divide the football community.

After a few incidents of the players getting hurt during the construction, Ash took it upon himself to ask the New Mexico Aggies coach to get his players to finish the wall.

Ash defended his actions, saying, “Look, I love players from New Mexico. They love me. We even have some players from New Mexico on the team. All I’m saying is that there is something going on. Something big. It’s up to me to do something about it.”