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Sounds Like: The Dallas Cowboys' entrance music, if the team was sponsored by a Turkish bath.

Back in 1979, a Canadian disco group known as Skatt Bros. released their two most famous songs, both of which made the Village People sound like the house band for The 700 Club.

Like "Y.M.C.A.," Skatt Bros.' first single, "Walk the Night," was a catchy ditty about meeting exciting new friends in an unfeeling metropolis. But unlike the Village People's hit, "Walk the Night" (sample lyric: "He's got a rod beneath his coat he's gonna ram right down your throat!") never caught on with the senior citizen aquarobics circuit.

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Skatt Bros.' next single, "Life at the Outpost," recounts the trials endured by frontiersmen of yore: "The sergeant-at-arms had masculine charms ... his black leather boots kick[ed] the butts of recruits." It also sported -- I am not fucking around here -- the finest music video never to reach popular rotation:



Dear God, the Brawny Man cloned himself six times and hosted his own private key party.

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Did you hit "Play"? If so, welcome to Year 0 of your new life. 2012 was 1 B.L.A.T.O. (before "Life at the Outpost"), and 2014 is 1 A.L.A.T.O. Those dudes are so rip-roaringly enthusiastic. It's like someone made a Seven Brides for Seven Brothers porn parody but forgot the brides.