by ohthewhomanity

Maybe I just have a strange fascination with NPCs, but I am yet again devoting an essay to them. This time, instead of carapacians, I’d like to babble about the most adorable little amphibians and reptiles in all the Incipisphere.

On every planet in Sburb there are technicolor animals, known as “consorts”. Known consorts include the yellow salamanders on LOWAS, the pink turtles of LOLAR, the red crocodiles of LOHAC, and the blue iguanas of LOFAF. The troll consorts are left mysterious and of unconfirmed species, though it’s implied that the angels Eridan fought–since they didn’t drop any grist when they died–were his consorts, turned hostile by Eridan’s aggression against them.

Their primary function appears to be cuteness. Each have an adorable, rounded design, are endearingly bumbling and harmless, and a goofy onomatopoeia (“glub”, “thip”, and “naknaknak”). Conversations with consorts usually turn to the comical, “I am a secret wizard. Behold my robes” and “MY GLASSES ARE TALKING TO ME MY GLASSES ARE TALKING TO ME” being two memorable examples.

The consorts also serve the usual function of NPCs in video games: they populate the players’ worlds and make those worlds run in usually unnoticeable but ultimately highly plot-significant ways. The salamanders’ trade network, the parcel pyxis, becomes essential in PM’s quest to deliver John and Jade’s packages. The crocodiles work the stock exchange in LOHAC, which Dave has to manipulate to learn how to use his time powers and make the trolls aware of the humans’ game session in the first place. The turtles and iguanas, while less directly significant, become members of Rose’s Complacency as she learns how to use her magic. The consorts also exist to give the players information about their denizen and to lead the players to their quest beds. In the Alpha Kids’ session, where the consorts are all long dead, they still provide worldbuilding; the messages they left behind on LOCAH explain that they built the crypts there to serve as their own graves, when Hemera told them the Nobles would take too long to arrive.

Another important trait of the consorts is their vulnerability. Their plight at the hands of the denizen and underlings inspires the players to action. Effectively, the consorts give the heroes reason to be heroes. John’s first successful use of the “windy thing” was to put out a fire in the salamanders’ village. The consorts also clearly idolize the players, viewing them as the answer to all of their problems and treating every object that comes from their houses and sylladexes–even the most crumpled of hats–as immeasurably precious (it’s possible that the most crumpled hats are more desirable because they have clearly been used by the humans). This hero-worship helps the players to believe that they are truly that great and powerful; for example, the consorts forming a Complacency to follow Rose almost certainly encouraged her to keep pursuing the dark magics as far as she did.

There is one consort who has been lifted to a higher level of significance by the players: a salamander known as Casey and Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer, loving daughter and wizard’s familiar, and quite possibly a kidnapped child, but that’s the topic of another essay.