Line 0.0.0 FOOTBALL IN THE YEAR 2000

Line 0.0.1 "Yes," said the football-player, as

Line 0.0.2 he donned his heavily-padded knicker

Line 0.0.3 bockers, "the game has been robbed

Line 0.0.4 of all its rough features, and is now

Line 0.0.5 mere child's play."'

Line 0.0.6 He paused a moment to adjust a

Line 0.0.7 complicated leather harness that held

Line 0.0.8 his ears close to his head and thoroughly

Line 0.0.9 covered them up, and then continued:

Line 0.0.10 "The new rules are designed to

Line 0.0.11 eliminate all elements of danger and

Line 0.0.12 prevent players from being injured in

Line 0.0.13 any way. They promise to succeed

Line 0.0.14 admirably," he added, in slightly nasal

Line 0.0.15 tones, as he placed a thick rubber nose

Line 0.0.16 protector over that organ.

Line 0.0.17 "Under the old and so-called. bar-

Line 0.0.18 barous rules broken legs were not

Line 0.0.19 infrequent," he said, strapping on his

Line 0.0.20 heavy shin-guards, "but the public

Line 0.0.21 may be sure all that has now been

Line 0.0.22 done away with."

Line 0.0.23 Brushing back his long, chrysan-

Line 0.0.24 themum-like locks the better to see, he

Line 0.0.25 tied about his waist and over his

Line 0.0.26 leather jacket a wire chest-protector,

Line 0.0.27 and struck it a resounding blow with

Line 0.0.28 his massive fist.

Line 0.0.29 "The abolition of momentum play

Line 0.0.30 has made the sport almost as gentle as

Line 0.0.31 tennis or golf," he said, with what

Line 0.0.32 seemed a sigh, affixing stout knee caps

Line 0.0.33 to his, knees and ankle protectors to

Line 0.0.34 his ankles.'

Line 0.0.35 "By the way," he added, " when you

Line 0.0.36 see her in the grand-stand, tell mother

Line 0.0.37 that my life-insurance policy is in the

Line 0.0.38 safe deposit vault."

Line 0.0.39 He paused an instant to adjust his

Line 0.0.40 wrist-supporters, and then continued:-

Line 0.0.41 "The fact is, old man, just between

Line 0.0.42 us, the game has been ruined. It is

Line 0.0.43 baby play now. Girls could play it

Line 0.0.44 without dislocating the crimp in their

Line 0.0.45 front hair. Chess and cribbage are

Line 0.0.46 dangerous when compared with the

Line 0.0.47 new style of football."

Line 0.0.48 Placing a thick rubber teeth-pro-

Line 0.0.49 tector in his mouth, he strode towards

Line 0.0.50 the field where beauty and fashion had

Line 0.0.51 gathered to see two crack teams battle

Line 0.0.52 for supremacy.

Line 0.0.53 They tell us romances are things of the past,

Line 0.0.54 That the present's a practical time;

Line 0.0.55 That love at first sight is not truly polite,

Line 0.0.56 That reason is better than rhyme.

Line 0.0.57 And yet there's a spell that is holding me

Line 0.0.58 fast,

Line 0.0.59 A sentiment strange that I feel,

Line 0.0.60 For my thoughts will not stray since I

Line 0.0.61 noticed, one day,

Line 0.0.62 An auburn-haired girl on the wheel.

Line 0.0.63 Like a comet she passed me and hurried

Line 0.0.64 away,

Line 0.0.65 A vision entrancingly rare;

Line 0.0.66 The poet's bright star that he worshipped

Line 0.0.67 afar.

Line 0.0.68 Was a creature less distant and fair,

Line 0.0.69 And still, while I plod as a toiler each day,

Line 0.0.70 There is hope in the joy which I feel

Line 0.0.71 That my orbit obscure, one more glimpse

Line 0.0.72 may assure