Picture the scene.

It’s Saturday morning, 8.30am (yesterday).

Breakfast done, house tidied, shopping list written, stuff packed for the 10:15am birthday cinema party.

Ready for my parkrun

This one had been the subject of a particularly delicate negotiation. It went like this. Rach was taking Jude to get his haircut on the south side mid-morning. Zak and I needed to be at the Grosvenor Cinema in Glasgow’s west end for 10:15. Parkruns take place at 9:30 and there just wasn’t going to be enough time for Zak and I to do one together. What to do?

Step forward Neal and Caroline Gibson with the solution.

Neal would pick up Caroline’s race number for the Jimmy Irvine 10k from Achilles Heel on Friday. Then Neal and I could do the Victoria parkrun while Caroline looked after Zak. Plenty of time to get to Ashton Lane to watch The Book of Life for quarter past 10.

Rach and I had a chat: if it was alright with Zak, the wife was happy. Quick conflab with Zak on Friday morning before school…job’s a good ‘un.

All sorted. Or so I thought. Until Zak decided, one hour before race-start that he didn’t fancy it.

Usually this wouldn’t be such a big deal but, the thing is, I was pot-hunting.

Pot-Hunting

I’m not sure of the dictionary definition but I’ll explain what the term (nicked from David Weatherhead of Bella Road Runners) means to me.

It’s when a runner of decent ability uses base cunning to try and win or place in a race, by choosing one which, through a variety of factors, he might possibly do well in.

So, I’d run well in my two speed sessions during the week, and felt like three months of injury-free training was beginning to pay off. I’d noticed, too late in the day to enter, that Bella RR’s annual Jimmy Irvine 10k was taking place at 11am on Saturday, scooping up all the fastest runners in Glasgow. Victoria’s a fast, pretty flat course, a lot easier than Pollok. This was it…a great chance of my first (virtual) parkrun pot.

Of course, I was mature about it. I didn’t let my disappointment show when Zak revealed during the car journey that he hadn’t realised he would have been able to see me running round the open-aspect Victoria Park. Apparently, had he known that, he would have loved to have joined me.

But when Neal Gibson messaged to tell me I probably would have won it if I’d turned up, the air did turn a subtle shade of blue. And it didn’t help matters when I checked the Pollok parkrun results later and saw the winner had romped home in 18:08!

Still, Zak was phlegmatic about things. “Daddy, you see, it will mean more when you win a race and beat the best runners, because if the best runners aren’t doing your race, you’ve not won it as well”.

Hmmm.

The thing is, I have form in this area.

I have placed well in some of the most obscure races in the UK. Even after just two years of running, I am a pot-hunting aficionado.

So much so that I’m going to share my five do’s and don’ts on maximising your talents and winning bizarre, usually non-monetary, prizes. But before I do, to prove I’ve been there, done that and got the rotary club t-shirt. Here’s my roll of honour:

David Sawyer’s Pot-Hunting Roll of Honour

#1: Kilmacolm half marathon. Third. Race strategy: stick with the metronomic David Weatherhead then run a bit faster. Prize: £20 voucher to a Paisley-based sports shop I was never going to go to and which wouldn’t let me use the voucher over the phone.

#2: Antonine Trail Race 2013. First. Race strategy: stick with the only bloke who knows the way until you can’t go wrong, then leave him for dust. Prize: a pack of Clif bars and a cracking hydration pack.

#3: Kielder Marathon 2013. Sixth (first vet). Race strategy: spot on but blew up at 24 miles after a duel with an apparition. Prize: great pair of trail shoes, wrecked in the 2014 Scottish National.

#4: Highland Perthshire Half Marathon 2014. Second (first vet). Race strategy: beat the whipper snapper. Prize: medal. We’ll leave it at that.

#5: Berlin Marathon 2014. 253rd. First Scot. Race strategy: bribe the organisers to hold the race on the same day as the Scottish marathon championships. Prize: none.

So for all you good club runners out there who want to maximise your potential to win stuff – without putting in the ridiculous hours of training you need to post cracking times and win on merit – here’s my advice:

Five Pot-Hunting Do’s

#1: Do go to Scottish Running Guide and check out the year ahead. There’s a race scheduled in a place you’ve never heard of? Check. It. Out. Book. Yourself. In.

#2: Do get to know all the top races in your country/local area…and avoid them like the plague.

#3: What are the best running clubs in your local area? When are their key races? Find out what date they’re on, cross reference with Scottish Running Guide and find yourself a nice little village race occurring on the same day within a 20-mile radius. Rich pickings.

#4: Do focus on mass participation events, encouraging entries from all runners, whatever their abilities. Pro tip: even some popular events have unpopular sisters e.g. a mass participation local marathon with a half taking place on the same day. I know which I’d be signing up for.

#5: And the daddy tip of them all (still to try this one). Find a pretty obscure race then keep an eye on the “signups” at Entry Central. Check out your rivals’ powerof10s then, if you’re an on-paper potential winner, steam in there at the last minute and get your name down.

Five Pot-Hunting Don’ts

#1: Don’t ever think you’re going to win any sort of race attached to a running club. It ain’t going to happen. Pot-hunters should steer well clear of these events. That way only misery lies.

#2: Don’t ever think your avid pot-hunting makes you a better runner. The only way to become a better runner is to compete against better runners after training to become a better runner yourself. Then when you beat better runners you are better than them, until they beat you again.

#3: Never tell anyone you’re going pot-hunting. When you return home potless you become a pariah to your friends and family. In addition, other pot-hunters will follow you to the source of your pot and steal it from under your greedy little nose.

#4: Don’t go pot-hunting with friends. This is a sure way to fall out. You will embarrass yourselves fighting over a pot that many of your peers would not deem fight-worthy.

#5: Don’t be too proud of your pots. Those with pots three times the metaphorical size of your pot will find your pot-hunting a source of fun and amusement.

So, finally, do I practice what I preach? Well, er, no.

I absolutely loved competing in the five races in my roll of honour, and they are my proudest running achievements. Pot-hunting races (Berlin the exception here) are usually characterised by the following:

#Lovely, friendly Women’s Institute ladies.

#Fantastic flapjacks.

#Hearty and wholesome soup.

#Beautiful scenery and a great, friendly, homely race atmosphere.

#Brilliant crack with your mates.

So, putting aside my ever-so-British tendency towards self-deprecation for a while, I will leave you with this. If you become a good runner and like running fast, consider pot-hunting. You. Will. Love it.

Later.