It’s that time of the month again you guys. No, not that time of the month. It’s Loot Crate time of the month, after the enjoyable double-header last time we’re back down to just one box full o’ Loot.

This month’s theme was SUMMON, which presumably meant it would be full of things you could summon? Or things that summoner’s could use? Or like, summon special in your life, a lil’ summon summon? I had seen the preview image for the crate so I knew that there was going to be something Pokemon related in here, which I wasn’t too excited about. I’m not a tween and haven’t played Pokemon since I was a tween. However, I can see how it would be exciting for lots and lots of people. Anyhow, all that to say I started off early with a few reservations.

First of all, a few little overall impressions and observations. It might just be me, but when I read that the theme was SUMMON, I really (falsely) assumed there would be something Final Fantasy in the mix. It might just have to do with my own personal gaming nostalgia, but when I think of Summoning, I think of Summoning Ifrit, Shiva, Bahamut and the rest of the classic gang of Summon spells from the FF games. And that’s kind of the problem with this oddly specific theme. It’s a very narrow window of stuff that involves summoning, and if you’re not a fan of the properties, this crate might be a little disappointing. That’s sadly the boat I’m in. The quality of stuff in this box is great, but my personal enjoyment is way low due to not being majorly into the fandoms of the properties.

Supernatural Car:

My dad used to drive an Impala. That’s my main personal connection with this little diecast model car. Despite the fact that Supernatural has been on for 10 seasons and has 218 episodes, I have never watched a single one. I am not even sure what the show is about. It’s like detectives who investigate angels and demons or something? So like, Biblical X-Files? I dunno. At some point I feel like I lumped it in with Buffy and Angel or like an angelic knockoff of Dr. Who or something. I am willing to admit that I am way off base with any of those assessments, but at the end of the day, the little 1967 Impala does very little for me. That said, I hope they include more diecast model cars in the future. Ecto 1? Ash’s car from Evil Dead? Now THOSE I could get into.

Happiness: ♥ ♥

Kid Robot HomerBuddha

Ah, from the episode where Selma goes to China to adopt Ling Bouvier. Now, in the episode Homer disguises himself as the Buddha for some reason to buy Selma some time or something. I have no idea what this has to do with Summoning anything. It’s really quite the stretch. As far as I know Buddhism doesn’t have any sort of summoning traditions either. So what the hell is this even doing in here? Don’t get my wrong, it’s my personal favorite item in the box. It just makes zero sense with the month’s theme.

Happiness: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Pikachu Hat

When I was at PAX I was just blown away by how many people are still into Pokemon. I guess I might be just a little on the “too old” side for it. Original Gameboy Red/Blue came out when I was 15. I played it because it was an RPG on the GameBoy, but I didn’t really get overly into it. I tried watching the show (which was at its first peak shortly after the time of their initial release) and couldn’t really get into it either. The whole thing seemed way too kiddy for 15 year old me. Since then I’ve never played another Pokemon game. This hat is pretty cool and cute though, it is just something I would never wear. Being a 32 year old man means I probably wouldn’t have worn it even if I was a big Pokemon fan. Someone who is a fan will likely be getting this dope hat for Keithmas.

Happiness: ♥ ♥

Hearthstone Stress Ball/Coin/Card Pack Thingie

Ok, so I don’t really know what Hearthstone is. What I do know is that it’s some kind of a mobile game that is vaguely tied in with World of Warcraft? Did I get it right? Without any research or knowledge of the game I am guessing that you can use Hearthstones to summon some stuff to do battle with other people’s stuff. I might be wrong. I think this is a squeezable summoning stone, which is pretty cool and also that gold coin in the middle is also a neat replica of what I assume is the in-game currency. Finally, it comes with a code for a card pack or something in game, which is probably something you need to pay for with real or in-game currency. All in all, if I was into Hearthstone, I would be psyched. But I’m not, so it’s a coin and a stress ball.

Happiness: ♥ ♥

Bullcrap Mobile Game Summoner Nonsense

I was actually a little excited when I saw the little insert that there would be an AR (Augmented Reality) game that uses the inside-out Loot Crate as a visual trigger for the AR component. I won’t lie, I love me some Augmented Reality. If you don’t know, the concept is you use the camera on a device (usually a phone) and it overlays gameplay on top of whatever the camera is filming, often using visual QR style images to let the camera know what to render. Anyhow, I was hyped. Then, I played the game for 10 minutes and it was bullcrap. I took the 15 minutes or whatever it was to unlock everything, played around with the 3 little AR modes and promptly uninstalled it from my phone. This was a massive waste of time and resources Loot Crate people. Any amount of work and effort that went into this was dumb. Boo on you.

Happiness: -♥

So there you have it, overall, a pretty nice crate. Just sadly one that is full of stuff I don’t care about. Next month’s theme is TIME so one can only hope there will be somet Dr. Who, Bill and Ted and of course, October 2015 is the future of Back to the Future so it would be a bit of a no-brainer to have some BttF in there too.

Keith does all sorts of things here on 9to5.cc, he works with the other founders on 9to5 (illustrated), co-hosts our two podcasts: The 9to5 Entertainment System and Go Plug Yourself and blogs here as The Perspicacious Geek.