If there’s one thing I enjoy more than anything in the world, it’s getting all dolled up, making some finger foods, and sitting down with a warm mug of tea. In fact, I have a whole collection of tea sets in a special cabinet for when I decide to do just that. And like any collector, I of course have my favorite little teapots. One in particular just means the world to me: porcelain with a baby blue floral print and a gold trimming around the edges. Yes, I love that little teapot so much, and that’s why I don’t make unwanted comments about her body. Ever.

A very popular nursery rhyme would have you believe that it’s okay to just tell your teapot whatever you want about its body with reckless abandon, as if teapots don’t suffer from the same bullshit, patriarchal standards that we do. But I know better than that. I respect my little teapot, I respect her agency, and I definitely don’t need to violate her with unsolicited and, frankly, rude statements about the body she was born with. I’m not going to pass on the toxic traditions of our past to further traumatize the teapots of our future. That’s just not what I’m about.

Sure, if my teapot decided that she wanted to post a selfie or a thirst trap or even just a #nofilter #nomakeup photo of herself for the sake of body positivity, that would be her choice. And it’d be her choice to talk about whatever aspects of her body that she wanted to in her caption. I’ll support her handle or her spout. It’s my job as her friend to get all steamed up so she can hear me shout: YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!

Look: Short, stout, or whatever, I’m gonna love my little teapot regardless. She’s my absolute favorite, and what she looks like doesn’t have any influence on that. The world is gonna tell her that she has to change herself every day, and I refuse to contribute to that narrative. That’s my little teapot, and I will not stoop to making unwanted comments about her body, no matter what.

And that’s the tea on that!