"Yes hello I would like to talk about the Jesus please"

At the end of August some of the nation’s finest gronks will come together for ‘Life, Family and Freedom’, a day-long forum that will tackle exciting issues like “the Importance of Fathers”, “Euthanasia – Killing People, Killing Families” and “the link between Abortion and Breast Cancer”.

Hooray!

The forum’s being organised by the World Congress of Families, a US-based organisation that stands against “the problems of divorce, devaluation of parenting, declining family time, morally relativistic public education, confusions over sexual identity, promiscuity, sexually transmitted diseases, and abortion”, and has already lined up some extremely heavy hitters. Federal Social Services Minister and heavyweight Richard Nixon Lookalike Contest Champion Kevin Andrews will open and close proceedings, Victorian Attorney-General Robert Clark will give a ‘Welcome to Victoria’, and the Reverend Fred Nile, best known for praying for rain every Mardi Gras, will give a no-doubt riveting talk on “God’s creative purpose for planet Earth” before retreating back into his carapace to rehydrate.

Sadly for organisers, though, the pre-conference registration process is being hijacked by some ne’er-do-wells, who are snapping up limited spots despite not conforming to the WCF’s values, or even intending to turn up at all.

Pantsdown has a stellar track record when it comes to trolling nutbags; earlier this year she let it be known that she snuck a quick soundbite of gay sex into a John Laws commercial. This time round her efforts have proven so successful that the WCF’s resident secretary/tea lady, Babette, has started to cotton on to the suspicious spike in registrations, and is now asking for references to weed out the insidious menace of “pro-aborts”.

Such rigorous security measures will probably bear fruit, and most of the would-be ‘attendees’ will probably end up being rooted out. If you’re keen to go, though, Father Rod Bower of the Gosford Anglican Church is a priest. Maybe he’d be keen to give a reference (note: do not ask him for a reference, he is probably quite busy making his excellent signs).

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Feature image via Sydney Morning Herald.