This certainly spikes my interest and you created a good atmosphereA very good start to your story! I really like the line "Crime waits for no young woman, no matter who said young woman is, and so our young woman must wait for crime." It makes me very interested in this young woman and I want to see what she's up toA critique on your writing style, though...I feel more like you are listing off events rather than "painting a picture" in the readers mind. I get the impression that we are sitting somewhere far away from the action and you are just listing the events off to me as they happen.For example, when you say "And then, if you were to peek in..." implies to me "If you had been there, and if you had peeked in...." thus implying that I am not there, that I am separate from the action. Does that make sense? Unless of course you mean to do that, in which case it's working very wellI think you might be doing some switching between past and present tense as wellThere are also instances where I felt your sentences were too wordy. It's always best to say things as concisely as possible and to use few filler words.For example: It's dark here/ on the Southside,/ which would help her/ if not for/ the smouldering orange tip/ of her cigarette.There are 6 "phrases" in this sentence. I have not taken english in many many years so I don't recall what the correct terms areIt could be re-written as: The concealing darkness/ of the Southside/ was punctuated only by/ her smouldering orange cigarette tip.This sentence basically says the same thing, but has less "phrases" which improves the flow and creates less of that "wordy" feeling. This is more inviting to a reader and helps to keep their interest longerFinally, remember your readers are smart, so it's not necessary to spell out every detail for them. Example, it's not necessary to explicitly say that the darkness would help her. You already said she is being careful and secretive, thus the reader will understand the darkness is helpful to herI hope that this was helpful in some way! Keep it up