TIM

Tim Sherwood, a "source" told the Sun in January, "is not afraid to speak out". Thanks, "source". We hadn't noticed. As the man himself said this week, "I am singing it from the heart, not from the script – I'm not an actor, I work on impulse." On Thursday night he impulsively declared that Benfica's finger-waving manager Jorge Jesus "lacks class", and what's more he thinks it would be a good idea to ignore him completely when Spurs are in Lisbon for their Big Vase round of whatever second leg. "Nah, not for me thank you," he declared. "I have no intention of speaking to him."

Good plan, Tim. If you don't much like someone, it's often best to avoid them completely. And he wouldn't be the first Spurs manager to refuse to talk to a person he considered disrespectful, after all. Glenn Hoddle did it once, when one particularly insolent player criticised him in the press. Midfielder, this player was. Name of Sherwood. "The day after the article came out I tried to have a meeting with Hoddle," he sobbed. "He just said, 'I don't want to talk to you.' And those were the last words he ever said to me … In the end, the situation got so bad I wrote a formal letter of grievance."

OK, but a man's allowed to change his mind, isn't he? And to his great credit, Sherwood seems a principled chap. Take, for example, his criticism of Dimitar Berbatov in 2007, towards the end of the sulky Bulgarian's time at Spurs. "He is a big character in the dressing room and if he starts poisoning the rest of the boys you've had it," Sherwood said. "You need players in this situation, players who are going to fight for you." Like Sherwood himself fought for his managers. Take, say, Mr Roy at Blackeye Rovers, who wistfully recalled: "Tim became very disenchanted with the club. Being such an important character, his discontent was able to spread to a lot of other players. These people didn't have the strength of character or experience to stand up to somebody who was finding fault with most things."

Finding fault with most things, eh? Doesn't sound like Tim. He just sings from the heart. And, besides, he was younger then, and still learning. He's older now. Wiser. "When you get to this late stage of your career," he said a full decade ago, "you do start to think about the possibility of management and what you have learned from your different bosses." So, let's see exactly what he's learned, and how well he learned it:

Thing No1: "George Graham has a simple philosophy: 'If you don't lose goals you don't lose games.' If there's a secret behind his success, I think that's it." Result: Spurs, having kept a clean sheet in 54% of games this season before his appointment, have been running at 29% since.

Thing No2: "I've learned a hell of a lot from Glenn Hoddle – and all of it his how not to do the job. His biggest fault is he has absolutely no man-management skills. The art of successful management involves keeping everyone in the squad happy." The result: Sherwood accuses his players of being "lazy and unprofessional" and "too nice to each other". He shouldn't have to worry about their feelings, he reveals: "They are men. I'm a manager, not a babysitter."

Thing No3: "Kenny Dalglish's great managerial talent was that not only did he know every one of his own players but everybody else's as well. He would study the opposition and tell us what their players were good and bad at. He was a genius, the absolute guv'nor." Result: Luisão left totally unmarked by an ill-prepared Spurs defence at set pieces and scores for Benfica. Twice.

In summary, don't pay any attention to anything the man says. Or does. Many moons ago, when the Fiver was just a glint in Tim Berners-Lee's eye, the PFA used to publish, on actual paper, an annual guide to England's professional footballers. One of them once attempted to summarise Sherwood's character in two words. The ones they chose? "Previously enigmatic".

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"He is at the end of his contract in the summer" – and with that, Arsène Wenger's inexplicably thick patience with Nicklas Bendtner finally ran out.

FIVER LETTERS

"Is our fiercely neutral Fiver about to be unmasked as a (very) secret Gooner fanzine, with three main stories this week about the Arsenal? I will scan my inbox anxiously today around tea-time(ish) to have my suspicions confirmed" – Michelle Nicholson.

"Tim Sherwood says Jorge Jesus lacks class. Is that because the Benfica manager refuses to stalk the touchline in a gilet?" – Alistair Drummond.

"Re: Nasty Leeds' managing director, David Haigh's claim that people keep adding two and two to get 550 (yesterday's Bits and Bobs). I always thought it equalled five in circumstances such as those he is describing. Surely he's protesting too much?" – Bill Iliffe.

"Immature titters here in Baltimore as the mention in yesterday's Bits and Bobs of Alan Pardew 'nutting' an opposition player implies (in urban American English) something a little more Bendtner-esque. Happy weekend" – Volker Stewart.

"Re: rollovers (this week's Fiver letters). Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you rollover twice, you should be giving three prizes away, not two. I know you're tightwads at Fiver Towers, but this is on a par with Dusty Bin" – Tom Blacker.

• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today's winner of our letter o' the day is: Alistair Drummond, who wins a copy of the very enjoyable Falling for Football, courtesy of the kind gents at Magic Spongers.

JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES

We keep trying to point out the utter futility of advertising an online dating service "for interesting people" in the Fiver to the naive folk who run Guardian Soulmates, but they still aren't having any of it. So here you go – sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly romantics who would never dream of going out with you.

BITS AND BOBS

Sergio Agüero and Mesut Özil are hamstringnally challenged, and will miss the next few weeks of the title race.

Uli Hoeness will not appeal his sentence in the jug for tax evasion and has stood down as Bayern Munich president. "Tax evasion was the biggest mistake of my life," howled Hoeness.

Hull manager Steve Bruce has accepted a written apology from Alan Pardew for inappropriate use of the noggin.

And José Mourinho still won't have Chelsea as title favourites. "I keep saying the same, the table is fake," he cooed.

STILL WANT MORE?

'An enduring three-quarter-sized giant of the age'. But enough about Barney Ronay, here's Barney on Xavi.

The Fiver knows a thing or two about abject failure, so we were a bit radged off to miss out on inclusion in this week's Joy of Six: nearly men and women.

You know the drill: a bald man, some newspapers, and puns.

Ten things to look out for this weekend, including bars that charge over £5 for a bottle of craft beer and people who wear odd trainers. Wait, hang on …

Saturday is Alec Stock Day at QPR. Simon Burnton wonders whether it's time for other clubs to make similarly respectful gestures. John Beck Day at Cambridge. Neil Redfearn Day at 47 different clubs?

Oh, and if it's your thing, you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.

SIGN UP TO THE FIVER (AND O FIVERÃO)

Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up. And you can also now receive our weekly World Cup email, O Fiverão; this is the latest edition, and you can sign up for it here.

'WHAT POWER HAVE YOU GOT? WHERE DID YOU GET IT FROM? IN WHOSE INTERESTS DO YOU EXERCISE IT? TO WHOM ARE YOU ACCOUNTABLE? AND HOW CAN WE GET RID OF YOU?'