Dear minions,

An evil overlord must always endeavor to just leave a cow anywhere. Imagine the talk at the water cooler…

olivermihoff – Perhaps its a police steak out to prevent bike theft…

Chrisattsu – I herd that too..

Donkenoji – This is ledge-end-dairy.

Methadose – At first I thought your pun was childish but then I realized it was bovine.

eviljolly – Please, don’t udder another word.

Uncoolio – He’s going to milk it as long as he can.

verybadsheep – He’d butter not!

Crisender111 – Moo aside. Let me go first.

fortyfour44 – Somebody’s got a real beef with that bike rack.

DifficultyWithPuns – Holy Cow!

rrs118 – That’s not a cow it’s a calf. A bovine is not considered a cow unless it is a female and able to reproduce.

An evil overlord should always employ a confused cow.

A confused cow is not only a confused cow, but also a cow capable of instantiating confusion. If you’re a hero invading my secret lair and you experience a chance encounter with a cow at a urinal in the washroom, well that sort of thing is bound to throw you off your game…

A confused cow is an investment that will buy you time.

Did you only have 13 seconds left to diffuse my giant space laser? A chance encounter with a cow in the most unexpected of places can buy an evil overlord all the extra time they need to blow stuff up. The hero always hits the abort button with 3 seconds or less left on the countdown… If you’re serious about being an evil overlord, you’ll buy a cow. A cow can make all the difference. Even Batman would pause to look at a cow.

Is it a trap, or is it just a cow? This is no place for cattle…?! Why is there a cow in this ventilation duct?! How did this cow climb that tree?! ZAAAaaaaaaPPP giant space laser you lose Mr. Bond kthx.

Where should an evil overlord put a cow?

Put a cow anywhere.

In an elevator, in a hat.

You can even put a cow on a doormat.

You can put a cow here, you can put a cow there.

You can put a cow anywhere.

Evil overlords know a cow is key to building a successful empire.