Before I begin my tales about sleep paralysis…

I would like to say that next week, I plan to write about the Whole30 diet (spoiler alert: I didn’t follow through with it) experience and how my diet went. I will say, I am extremely proud of Michael. However, I will save the gushing for next week’s post.

For those that don’t know what sleep paralysis is, here is a short but to the point description brought to you by Wikipedia:

“Sleep paralysis is a phenomenon in which a person either during falling asleep or awakening, temporarily experiences an inability to move, speak, or react.

It is a transitional state between wakefulness and sleep, characterized by muscle atonia (muscle weakness). It is often accompanied by terrifying hallucinations (such as an intruder in the room) to which one is unable to react due to paralysis, and physical experiences (such as strong current running through the upper body).”

Sounds terrible, right?

BECAUSE IT IS!

This post came to me about a month or so ago. I could feel the sleep paralysis start but couldn’t force my way out of it. It sounded like someone was in the bedroom. I could hear the floors creek, the footsteps, and the bed start to slump as someone was sitting on the edge of the bed. I ignored it as much as I could and began to recite the ABC’s in my head to try to get out of it. I learned over the years, if I just ignored what is happening to me and recite the ABC’s instead of fighting it, I will be able to wake up.

As I was beginning the ABC’s, the sound of an old radio starts to fill the room. A voice began talking as if it was announcing a warning. I don’t remember what it was saying as I was concentrating on waking up. The radio voice started to fade out and I was finally able to open my eyes. Sometimes, I can be tricked and still be in this sleep paralysis world but seem like I have woken up so I have to ask Mike if he is real, he answers, and I go back to sleep knowing that I am no longer trapped in that dark world.

When I mean tricked, I mean that I will feel like I have woken up and everything is normal. Like I fought off the attack and I can go back to sleep. I don’t get tricked a lot but when I do, I. GET. TRICKED.

Like one attack when I thought I woke up, I looked at the time and tried to go back to sleep. Mike started talking to me in weird tone and when I turned to him, his face was all black and he had no eyes. Then, I really woke up. I looked at the time (same time as it was in my “dream”) and then quickly asked Mike if he was real. I made him come up with a secret word or phrase so I know he is real and this reality is real.

Sounds so messed up, right?

Sleep paralysis is the most terrifying thing to ever happen to a person. Well, for me anyways.

I started to experience sleep paralysis when I was a child. I didn’t know what was happening to me and I truly thought my soul was being taken from me and I would die. I mean, I did live in a super haunted house growing up.

The sleep paralysis faded out and I wouldn’t experience it again until my late teens.

About 99% of the time the experiences are beyond horrifying.

I can feel when it is happening with the sensation in my body. Sometimes I catch it where I can jolt out of it but sometimes I have to stick it out.

I refuse to open my eyes. I hear stories about how a black shadow or a man in a hat are usually lingering above or around you.

No thanks. I pass.

Instead, my ears get all the action.

While I am in this state, a dark evil voice proceeds to scream extremely rude, degrading, obscene things at me such as:

I should just kill myself.

I am a horrible piece of sh*t.

I don’t deserve to be here.

I am extremely ugly.

I will amount to nothing.

No one loves me.

I deserve this.

I am going to hell.

Those are my personal favorites out of the many more evil, nasty phrases that are said to me.

There was this one time, which I grouped in the 1% pile, where I was in the sleep paralysis state and a calming nice voice proceeded to speak to me. They said, along the lines:

“Hello, Sara. I am God. I want you to know that everything will be alright. You have been in a rough patch but rest assured, everything will be alright.”

That was the only time during those attacks where I felt not terrified for my life. That experience happened almost ten years ago. I haven’t had a pleasant experience since.

I did experience sleep paralysis a lot when I lived alone in Troy when I first moved here four years ago.

They were extremely dark and I would always be stuck in the tricked world. In that world, I was extremely angry. Almost as if I were possessed, and I would march around my apartment breaking things. Sometimes, I would end up in my sister’s house. Every time, I would be constantly screaming as a dark entity was trying to escape from me.

Horrible. Horrible times.

No, I haven’t been to a doctor about this, even though I think I should because I can’t sleep well to save my life.

What really amazes me is that doctor’s aren’t even sure why we experience sleep paralysis. They have no clue.

That’s terrifying if you ask me. But, I am glad I am not alone.

Mike and I watched, The Nightmare, on Netflix back in the fall and I related to every story being told. If you aren’t sure what I am talking about, just watch that documentary and be prepared to never want to go to sleep again.

Lucky for Mike, he has never experienced sleep paralysis in the same way as I. His experiences are never negative, where mine are almost always negative.

I am still curious to what the radio man was trying to say to me. He didn’t sound mean but who knows. All I know is I hope to never experience another attack again.

Very hopeful Sara. I know, Sara. Thanks!