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Michael Bay is well known for the child-like glee with which he infuses every over-the-top, ridiculous action scene he directs. He is truly an auteur, and the naive innocence which he brings to his directing can make most any stupid movie romp enjoyable. Unfortunately,Â hoping to cement his artistic credibility by landing that coveted writer/director credit a la Clint Eastwood, Bay also decided to try his hand at writing screenplays.Â And due to my elite Hollywood status as a quasi-respectable Internet comedian, I of course had access to this attempt, and due to my shaky moral compass, I of course decided to post a few excerpts of it for you here:Find more from Robert on Twitter Facebook or his own site, I Fight Robots . Because fine bitches jump over robots while firing giant machine guns all the goddamn time; you just need somebody to tell you where to look.