Do you know Ben Domenech? He's the Washington Posts' new, um, well, I don't know how I should describe him. Blogger? Writer? Resident Propagandist? Take your pick. Benny has been hired by the WaPo to write a brand spankin' new blog called "Red America" . Head on over to "Red America" and you see Ben giving you a smoldering "Domenech. Ben Domenech" look in front of an outdated map of the United States (by the way, the whole "red state/blue state" thing is so 2004. It's all about the purple now, baby. Get with the program.) Now, it's not just the airbrushing and soft glow added around Ben's face that gives him that baby-faced look. Ben is 24 years old. 24 years old and he has been given that rare opportunity any writer, ANY writer, would absolutely die for...an opinion gig at the Washington Post.

Naturally, I was jealous. Not about the baby-faced airbrushed looks (I've already got those) but about the fact Ben got a gig and I didn't. I mean, we're basically the same age. He writes at RedState, I write at Daily Kos. He was a Bush political appointee, I could be, if "competence" was one of Bush's hiring criteria. He was a "chief speechwriter" for Senator John "You Don't Need Liberties If You're Dead" Cornyn. I'm a chief speechwriter for, well, myself. Anyway, you get the point. Ben, I'm going to put my jealousy aside for a second and give you some advice as you embark on this awesome feat of giving "Red America" the voice that it already had in every corner of the conservative establishment media.

Now, here are the top 3 things I'd do if I were Ben Domenech:

1. Contact Google and Archive.org: You don't want people knowing that the Washington Post hired the founder of a racist blog. I'll give it some time before all the racism on your site RedState is scrubbed away, but Google cache and web archives can be a bitch, so you might want to take care of that asap. (While you're at it, scrub your comment that Coretta Scott King was a commie. You wouldn't want people thinking you're an asshole, now would you?)

2. Ditch the Freeper terms: Ben, Ben, Ben. You'll never be taken seriously as a writer if you use words like "MSM". I'd ditch the "mainstream media" term pronto, since it makes you look like a hypocrite. You are, after all, sucking at the teat of the very "mainstream media" you claim to abhor. And I know you're positively itching to use the term "Islamofascist", but I'd keep away from that term, lest you want your WaPo career associated with these freaks.

3. Hire yourself an editor: Yeah, I know, bloggers don't need editors. But Benny, you're not just writing for Islam-hatin', corporation-lovin', Constitution-hatin' conservatives anymore. You have a wider audience now, one that won't swallow your made-up shit wholesale. Like when you claim that "this blog represents the majority of Americans." First, I'm not quite sure what your blog represents besides the underbelly of Freeperville but let's accept your assumption it represents "Republicans." The Senate's fifty-five Republicans represent 131 million people, while its forty-four Democrats represent 161 million. So the majority of Americans are actually represented by Democrats, not Republicans. An editor, for example, would have caught the gross error of claiming Republicans "advocate views shared by a majority of voters" (last time I checked, over the years the majority of voters have been against overturning Roe, against cuts in funding for alternative energy, against privatizing Social Security, and against lax gun laws). Now, if you don't hire an editor to correct every other sentence in your posts, then I'll have to expose your lies on a daily basis, and hon, I don't have enough hours in my day to go down that route.

So, in conclusion, congratulations to the baby-faced Ben Domenech on landing my dream job. Landing the gig with zero journalistic credibility, coupled with your history of a partisan hacktitude that rivals Ken Melhman's is a miracle. The next miracle to tackle: proving yourself to be anything other than a propagandist and a Ann Coulter-wannabe. Good luck, Ben!

Update: Leave a comment on the WaPo's announcement of "Red America" here.

The email address to lodge a complaint is executive.editor@wpni.com.