Foundations

Whenever I doubt–and I do, because it’s healthy to a degree–I have a handful of memories I reach back to. I still have every day moments where I’ve got to use discernment of course to sort out feelings and godphone, and simple instinctual stuff etc. But as far as doubts about His being here with me at all? Those I have a foundation for. And I really believe that Loki gave them to me on purpose, just so I have something to stand on. Most of them happened early/mid last year, while I was working out exactly what He was trying to do with me in the future.

- The rainy morning when I could clearly feel Him holding me from behind, as solidly as a definite other person, and He wouldn’t let me turn and look when I tried to, but He told me a lot of things. It was pretty unnerving to say the least.

- Feeling myself leave my body, seeing Him in the room, turning around and seeing myself still lying on the bed.

- Firm kisses that happened while I was still wide awake.

- The first ‘I love you’ was audible on this plane while I meditated.

- The first obvious sexual encounter was on this plane; hands, mouth, and then He pulled me into the astral and took me away. Confirmed His courtship actions directly, in person. Carried me around and excitedly showed me things.

- I’ve felt His presence before I sleep and asked Him to move His touches so I could confirm they were real. I’d ask Him to move the burning touches to my neck. Then to my forehead. Then to my hip. And they moved. When the feelings are strong enough I still do this to test if it’s really Him, and not just in my head.

There are other both little and big things like this. I have no idea how it got to be that He’d want to prove anything to me, but I’m forever grateful that He did. From these types of things I could build so much more trust; honestly, I can’t do what I’m doing with Him without implicitly trusting Him, so….I’m in a constant state of thanks and gratitude.

He doesn’t have to. He’s never had to, but still He proves Himself over and over. I said I was done asking Him for signs a little while ago, and I meant it. I need nothing else. Even when He says things like “I’ll marry you as many times as it takes.” and “Let’s just do it again” when I doubt even things that were as clear as the ceremony– I still tell Him I don’t need anything else. We’ve got our foundations. ~