If you follow stock-market punditry obsessively like we do, you'll quickly notice something.

A handful of analysts speak English. But the vast majority don't.

Rather, they speak a language unique to the investment business.

This language consists of market phrases that sound intelligent but don't mean anything.

The phrases don't sound like they don't mean anything, of course. On the contrary, they sound like they mean a lot. In fact, they make the speaker sound as wise as Warren Buffett (who, to his great credit, never speaks this way).

Most of these phrases have another key benefit, which is useful in the investment business: They never commit the speaker to any specific recommendation or prediction. In other words, no matter what happens, the analyst can always be "right" and never be "wrong" — because they didn't actually say anything.

So if you want to sound smart about investing without really saying anything, read on.