HARTFORD, CT—Acknowledging that their second-grader had reached “that uncomfortable stage” far earlier than most of his peers, the parents of 8-year-old Kyle Fiedler confirmed Friday that he was at that awkward age where no one cares what he thinks and he’s constantly in the way. “Kyle’s just going through that phase all kids go through—you know, when no one wants him around and he’s a burden on everybody,” said Greg Fiedler, noting that his son seems to be stuck in a transitional point of his development where he is no longer cute enough for others to want to take care of him, but he’s still so physically and mentally useless that he requires those others to exhaust themselves feeding, clothing, and sheltering him every day. “He’ll grow out of it eventually, but for now, he’s still navigating this rough patch where every story he tells is way too long and pointless, all of his opinions are wrong and stupid, and, frankly, he adds no value whatsoever to the world. It’s all part of growing up.” Child development experts say the average 8-year-old eventually outgrows this stage after reaching adolescence, refusing to talk to anyone at all, and never leaving their room.

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