INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer| Contact

In his own words, Michael ‘Mikey’ O’Dearden gets around a bit.

As I speak to him on the phone this afternoon, I can just hear how much of a wanker he is. He tells me about his friend who went to prison who showed him some killer bodyweight exercises. That he’d be lucky to go back to the gym after this, he told me that he’s getting in even better shape while in isolation than he was when he was out ‘dating on the scene’.

His next statement shocked me even more than the last. Mikey told me his friends told him that they’re no longer envious of him. I was shocked to learn he had friends. They told Mikey that in this new age of isolation, they couldn’t imaging being alone like he is.

“It’s a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?” said Mikey. I said yes to expedite the interview.

“Because like I’ve been living alone for ages now, I don’t actually mind being alone. You can get a lot more done, things don’t move. Things don’t get put away. The place takes like 20 minutes to clean. Living alone is easy.”

Mikey sent me a picture of his studio apartment – then a photo of himself.

“As if you wouldn’t be envious of my sweet sex pad?” he said.

Two words that don’t belong together after you’re 16. Shudder.

And with that, our reporter had everything she needed to file the story, get paid and draw the blinds.

More to come.