CLEVELAND, Ohio - I speak for many of us when I say, where do we -- you, I, and your 30-year-old kid who's still living in the basement, playing video games -- sign up for a job with the Cleveland Browns?

If I missed deadline 31 times in 32 columns, I would not expect to be rewarded with more assignments or to last past the first few failures, despite my fervent comments that "I get it" and "Trust me" when my editors expressed their unhappiness.

Such an abysmal performance by any of us would not be tolerated by a competent boss with any respect for the standards of his profession or any awareness of the culture that such disregard for accountability would create.

One win in 32 games got Hue Jackson a third season as the Cleveland Browns coach.

One will do? Really?

Jackson seems to be best at office politics.

He has been oozing mistrust of the roster he was handed by former front office analytics maestro Sashi Brown; bruising rookie quarterback DeShone Kizer's confidence by benching him and by an unconsummated trade for a replacement; misusing Isaiah Crowell and deriding the running back's biggest play; but always reliably schmoozing the team owner, the clueless Jimmy Haslam, through whom Jackson lifted himself up on the bodies of those Haslam sacrificed.

Now the owner, once dubbed Hotspur for his rashness, has been reduced to Hapless Haslam by extending Jackson's inadequacy and calling it stability.

Jackson should be forevermore dubbed "One Will Do" Hue.

And the Browns, almost inconceivably, have become an even bigger national laughing stock after the 0-16 season because of Haslam's asinine decision to hang the albatross of this bungling coach and his ridiculous record around the neck of the new general manager, John Dorsey.

Pettine and Chud

Oh, how things have changed since Mike Pettine got the pink slip for going 10-22 in 2014-15. Ten wins is 10 times what "One Will Do" Hue managed, but they weren't enough to save Pettine. In the mix with Pettine were Swanboat Johnny Manziel, Josh Gordon, and a car filled with other circus clowns.

Poor Rob Chudzinski won four games in his lone season, itself a betrayal of the Haslam mantra of patience and continuity. Chud also lost veteran quarterback Brian Hoyer, who was followed by draft bust, Brandon Weeden, who was followed by career-long retread, Jason Campbell.

The ignorance excuse

For a hands-on owner who couldn't fire 'em fast enough at first, being witless enough to keep Jackson might be a way of enlarging his "I knew nothing" defense in his truck stop empire's gas rebate scam.

Certainly, Haslam won't "win the fans back," a stated goal, by bringing this coach back.

The worst of the worst

The 2008 Detroit Lions, the only other 0-16 team, won two games the next season for a 2-30 mark. The coach of the 0-16 team, Rod Marinelli, was fired.

The worst NBA teams ever, the Charlotte Bobcats (7-59, .108 winning percentage in a shortened 2011-12 season) and the Philadelphia 76ers (9-73, .110 in 1972-73) at least won one of every 10 games.

The 1899 Cleveland Spiders, who four years earlier won the Gaslight Era's World Series, the Temple Cup, were 20-134, .130.

The Depression Era's Hugh Mulcahy carried the humiliating nickname of "Losing Pitcher" with the Philadelphia Phillies. Mulcahy's career won-lost record was 45-89, winning just over one in every three games. Mulcahy was Cy Young compared to "One Will Do" Hue.

The 1-31 Browns of 2016-17 have a .031 winning percentage. That's three wins in 100 games.

The Browns aren't just bad, they are colossally wretched.

They stink on the ice that is fast shackling the Lake Erie shoreline.

They scrape away the fans' fervor like snow plows, shoving aside loyalty to a team that had been treated as a family heirloom for decades and making it the object of a derisive, shameful planned parade dishonoring actual achievement and bitterly fixated on unbridled failure.

As soon as the calendar turned to the new year, "One will do" should have been "One and Done."