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SHINING beacon of egalitarian business dealings Denis O’Brien awoke from a horrible dream this morning which saw him pursued by the Gardaí who were acting on the findings of the Moriarty Tribunal.

Fixing himself upright and screaming loudly, O’Brien was heard by staff in the east wing of his Maltese home crying out ‘no, Mammy, don’t let them take me away’ several times before realising the nightmarish circumstances of his dreams were simply manifestations of an overactive imagination.

“Boss man wet bed,” explained an employee at the telecom tycoon’s home on the Mediterranean island. “Not first time and not last.”

Among the conclusions made by the Moriarty Tribunal in 2011 included assertions that O’Brien made two payments to Micheal Lowry totalling £500,000 and that Lowry “secured the winning” of Ireland’s second mobile phone licence for O’Brien in 1995 in Lowry’s capacity as then Minister for Communications.

It is thought these conclusions were the source of O’Brien’s nightmare in which he was also chased by a giant duck before all his teeth fell out into a sink.

“I tell boss, Garda no investigate findings, Garda have four years with the tribunal evidence and do nothing,” the staff member told WWN, adding O’Brien had to be given a hot water bottle and his favourite teddy bear in order to calm him down.