Dear John: I really enjoy reading your columns and believe you have a real handle on this stuff.

I have been following the markets since 1986 and have been sitting in front of four screens since 1992. I am scratching my head in amazement as we continue to churn higher without (seemingly) a care in the world. Since March, my wife’s retirement account has gone from $878,000 to $1,252,000. I know I am not that smart.

But I wait for the inevitable correction that never comes.

North Korea, $21 trillion in debt, floods, famines and hurricanes do not seem to matter.

I respect financial adviser Jeff Gundlach immensely, and he has been short in the market for months!

Is it the machines that have simply taken out any human emotion that would drive down this market via fear?! N.C.

Dear N.C. I share your concern and the concerns of all the people with loads of experience who are worried about this market.

There hasn’t been a meaningful correction in years. That’s not the way markets work.

So that’s why a lot of us think there is a bubble. We’ve seen bubbles before — and we’ve seen them pop — and we know how it goes.

Let’s say you are sitting at a poker table, and you are killing it. Your pile of chips is big, and the other players’ piles are small.

Do you get greedy and stay in the game for another hand — and another, and another — or do you just take your $1.252 million and go away happy?

There’s a saying on Wall Street that bulls and bears make money, but pigs get slaughtered. That’s no longer true — bears (those predicting a market decline) haven’t been making money. But it’s still true that pigs will get slaughtered when the market goes down.

When will that be? Dunno.

Dear John: I am writing to ask your advice on something that was brought to my attention.

My wife and I are in our 70s, and all our money — our life savings — is in banks. I always thought our money was safe in a bank because it is secured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. I have recently been told otherwise.

My question: Will the FDIC back up to $500,000 in the bank if there are two people — my wife and I — as depositors? J.S.

Dear J.S. Yes, you are each covered for $250,000 by the FDIC. And yes, your money is safe in the bank because the FDIC insures it.

That insurance covers checking, savings and money market accounts held at a bank. If you have more than that, move some to another bank and get the same protection from the FDIC.

And you shouldn’t have all your money in one bank. If the bank should fail, your money might be unavailable to you for a few days. So spread the wealth around a little.

Dear John: I am being tormented by calls from Microsoft regarding my computer problems. And I do not own a computer.

I have asked them over and over to stop calling me. They call morning and night, and it’s a live person named Steve.

I am on the “no call” list, but that doesn’t seem to help. Can you help me, please? J.N.

Dear J.N. I’m still trying to stop the recorded message to me about my car warranty. So I don’t think I can help.

The good news is that the number you said was Microsoft doesn’t seem to be working anymore.

And “Steve” wasn’t from Microsoft. He was just some scammer trying to get you to give up information or perhaps take control of your computer by planting a virus.

But since you don’t have a computer — no worries.