Mikey Andreasson lets us get a little insight into what guys think about in various situations...

...On a date

Do I smell?

I really want to fart, I need to go somewhere to fart, when can I get away to fart. I'm going to compact it and remain extremely uncomfortable and release the mega fart the minute she leaves.

Can she hear me on the toilet? This porcelain bowel is like an acoustic amphitheatre.

How do I go about holding her hand?


Does she notice the sweat?

Has she seen my boner yet?

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...At dinner;


Do I talk or listen more?

Do I eat healthy..... CHICKEN WINGS, fuck that.

Do I pay? Do I insist on paying if she tries to pay?

Footsie... Do people still do that?

Thank god my boner is hidden.


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...In the cinema;



Should I put my hand on her knee or do the old yawn around?

When should I look at her?

This was a terrible idea, these glasses look fucking stupid on everyone.

A first kiss scene, awkward.


A sex scene, thank fuck it's dark in here.

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...In a car;

Do I kiss her in the car?

If I take off my seatbelt she'll know I'm gona kiss her.


If I get out of the car to let her out she's gona think I presume I'm coming in...

I really want to have sex now.

Do I wait until she gets into the house before I drive away or does that just look stalkery?

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...When she's crying;


I'm so fucking useless right now.

Jesus I hope she hasn't noticed my boner.

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...When kissing her;

Is it still acceptable to 'top' a girl?


Awkward hands, where do I put them?

Can she feel my boner?

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...When fingering her;

Would she like it if I put my finger in her ass?


Is that sneezing myth true?

Can she feel my boner?

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....When she's giving him head;

Where do I look?


How much noise do I make?

Do I make sounds of encouragement?

Do I touch her head?

Do I grab her hair?

Be tender with my banjo string.

Do I tell her when I'm coming?


This is awesome.

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....When giving her head;

Is this gona be clean?

What the fuck am I doing?


What in Gods name do I do now?

Should I slyly put on a condom now?

Alphabet. Bingo.

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....In the shower together;

This is a terrible idea.

I am much taller than this person. This is a strategical nightmare.

There's no grip, I could kill us both.

Can I get some of that water, I'm fucking freezing.

Fuck, I really need to pee. That's not okay when someone else is with you is it.


Maybe she won't notice if I pee.

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....When doing missionary;

Where do I look? In her eyes or straight ahead?


I hope I don't sweat onto her face.

Is the condom broken? I'm just not sure...

I feel like I'm crushing her...

How do I initiate the next position? Do I ask or just flip?

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...When she's on top;

Unreal. Do I grab her boobs? Where do I put my hands?

I hope she doesn't snap my dick. It happens... I've seen it...

Should I move with her or just let her do all the moving?

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...Doggystyle;

How are we to maintain the same rhythm?

This is a strategical nightmare.

Do I reach around and flick that bean, can the reach around be done?

If I go for the titty squeeze, will I fall over?

What do I hold here?


I did not know I was this unfit.

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...When he can't get it up;

Instant shit one.


Maybe if I laugh, she'll laugh too.

She hasn't noticed, can I fold it in half and stuff it in?

Should I just go down on her, jack myself off and try and get it up on the sly?

How did this happen, in the cinema I was hard as a rock.


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...When she queefs;

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha haha. Shit, don't laugh at her weird fanny farts.