Enrollment now open for Don't Say Stupid Shit About Rape 101

Enrollment now open for Don't Say Stupid Shit About Rape 101

Are you a Republican who has a devil of a time not opening your piehole and letting gobsmackingly stupid shit about rape spew right out of it? Do you fear that you might open said piehole when the cameras are rolling, and it's a slow news day, and you might inadvertently focus national attention on the aforementioned stupid shit? Do you have a hard time remembering what even a member of Mitt Romney's braintrust thinks is a simple guideline : "If you’re about to talk about rape as anything other than a brutal and horrible crime, stop."

Well, fear no more! The Susan B. Anthony List—an organization dedicated to restricting women's health care—has the solution for you:



Susan B. Anthony List President Marjorie Dannenfelser said the lawmakers are falling for a trap set by proponents of abortion rights who want to focus the debate on extremes such as rape instead of other abortions. “It’s a tactic to [force pro-life lawmakers to] talk about this rather than the 98 percent of abortions because they know that they lose it,” Dannenfelser said. She said that SBA List is working on a new training program for candidates and lawmakers to “make sure that in future elections, a candidate can never with a straight face say, ‘I never thought about that or I got caught flat-footed.’”

That's right, Republicans. Your friends at SBA are taking time out of their busy schedule of hating women to set up a new program that will train you to hate women, but in a sensitive way that doesn't cost your party supposedly safe seats in the House and Senate. Because lord knows how those mean gotcha reporters in the lamestream media are always tricking Republicans into volunteering their opinions about how, for example, women have magic lady parts that can detect and deflect legitimate rape sperm. Or how some women rape easy. Or how when your rapist impregnates you, that's just God's way of telling you how super special you are to Him. Damn librul media.

SBA isn't the only organization that thinks Republican politicians need to go to how-to-not-say-stupid-shit-about-rape boot camp:



Marina Ein, whose public relations firm does crisis communications, said the party needs some kind of “sensitivity training” for its candidates if it wants to do better in the next elections. “It all boils down to whether or not the Republican Party thinks this is a problem,” she said. “If they want to make inroads with women, then they need to subject every one of their candidates to sensitivity training — not to mention reality training.” The training would have to “educate politicians on subjects that are absolutely taboo, except to say, ‘I sympathize with the pain of anyone who goes through fill-in-the-blank,’” she said.

Right. In other words, the problem for Republicans isn't their ideology or their platform that is at odds with science, reality, and, oh yeah, public opinion. Now that the problem has been identified, with a little training, Republicans can learn how to fight for their deeply unpopular draconian agenda without actually talking about it. And voila! Problem solved.