KATIE Holmes has left the world of Scientology for a more normal type of bullshit by experimenting with Catholicism.

The former flat heel wearer has severed all ties with Scientologists after her clean-shaven husband informed the organisation that she didnt exist and was merely Xenu disguised as a mediocre actress.

Holmes said: I was worried that after all those years of Hubbardism or whatever its called, believing in things that require evidence straight away might be like a 300-pound woman trying to run the New York marathon.

Im starting with the Pope and all his colourful brand of magical batshittery, then gradually working my way back to normality.

“Ill hopefully be moving onto being a Methodist by the end of next year as theyre just slightly mental and a bit mean-spirited rather than tits-out crazy.

Holmes hopes to have finally reached the stage where she stops believing in fairy stories at the same stage as her daughter Suri and has also started to de-bullshit-ise other aspects of her life.

She is currently working with a dietician on what constitutes a healthy weight, how eating less calories than you consume is the only actual way of losing weight in first place and why a dietician actually needs to study for their qualification rather than printing off the internet like a nutritionist.

Helpers are also working to remove the healing crystals from her home, moving the furniture to what looks good rather than what is proper Feng Shui and are patiently explaining that acting is just well-paid dressing up rather than the hardest job in the world.

Holmes added: Somebody suggested I try homeopathy but while I may be Tom Cruises ex and an actor, Im not a complete fucking idiot.