None of those quite what you're looking for? Maybe you want to surprise your guests (and hope they'll post bail for you later) at your next barbecue with an apron that features a massive fake dong. Maybe you want a cast of an actual woman's vagina that you can stuff a candle into. Or maybe you want to decorate your walls with an extremely graphic painting of two disembodied penises performing a sexual feat that the Kama Sutra might call the "Ass-to-Mouth Double Ouroboros." Of course, maybe what you long for is simply a way to express yourself by way of a plush poontang, in which case we recommend one of these "Wondrous Vulva Puppets."

Dorrie Lane

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In fact, how did you even live your life before knowing that a Wondrous Vulva Puppet was a thing to be had? Sadly, we'd wager.

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Related Reading: Speaking of trends, check out these crazy porn trends. Rich people spend more time masturbating than poor people! That trend is pretty disturbing, and so is the inevitable end of Internet neutrality. Also disturbing: the fact that cops seem to be down with anal probes now.