TUSCALOOSA, AL—Drawing widespread condemnation from fans and pundits alike, boosters from the University of Alabama Crimson Tide Foundation are facing heavy criticism after it was revealed Friday that the organization fully funded head football coach Nick Saban’s sex reassignment surgery. “We’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep Coach Saban at Alabama, including covering costs for orchiectomy and penectomy procedures, breast augmentation, and monthly doctor visits throughout the transition process,” said Crimson Tide Foundation spokesperson Keith Stokes, responding to public outcry regarding reports that the group bankrolled more than $50,000 in expenses for the four-time national champion’s ongoing hormonal replacement therapy throughout the past 18 months. “We haven’t broken any NCAA rules, and we have every right to pay for Coach Saban’s facial hair removal through electrolysis, as well as cover aesthetic follow-up procedures to make facial features more feminine. Nicole brought us three national titles and has done so much for our school, so we just want to make sure she’s happy. Roll tide.” The boosters group was reportedly adamant, however, that it had nothing to do with Alabama offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin’s recent vaginoplasty, explaining that the procedure was included as part of the 39-year-old’s severance deal from USC.

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