[dnd] Game of Thrones as a DnD Campaign

For those of you that have read the books / watched the show, I thought this was hilarious :) * DnD Campaign: A Game of Thrones* //================================================================================================ > DM: Okay, so Sean is playing a nobleman, Kit is playing his bastard son, Emma's some dragon lady, > Nick is playing a member of a rival house, and Maisie wants to be an eight-year-old ninja. Pete, > what did you roll up? > Pete: I'm a dwarf. > DM: Uh... I *did* tell you that this was a fairly realistic campaign. > Pete: I want to be a dwarf. > DM: But you *always* play dwarves. It's getting - > Pete: Alright, I'll be a human. A very *short* human. Oh, and I've maxed out my INT and CHA. > DM: Ugh. Whatever. Just pick a house. > Pete: Okay, I'll be part of Nick's. They're the richest. > Nick: Small world. > Pete: ... //================================================================================================ >Sean: Does an 18 beat your AC? >Nick: Nope. My turn. >DM: Seriously, you guys are fighting in the middle of the goddamn street? Do you seriously think >there won't be repercussions? >Nick: 19. >Sean: Nope, no hit. Okay, I circle around and full attack. >Nick: My hireling stabs you in the leg. He got a 23 on his to-hit. >Sean: The fuck? >Nick: Leadership feat, bitch. >Sean: Fuck you, Nick. //================================================================================================ > DM: Okay, Nick, you're at King's Landing. Your sister, Queen Cersei, greets you warmly. As twins, > you've been close since childhood, and if you trust anyone in this Byzantine city, it's her. > Nick: I start talking shit about her vagina. > DM: Goddamn it, Nick, I am NOT going to roleplay your creepy incest fetish! > Nick: That's not what you said during the session in Winterfell. > DM: I was drunk. > Kit: Uh, hello? Aren't we all supposed to be up north, near the wall? > Nick: Fuck you, I want to fuck Cersei. > Sean: She's your *sister.* > Nick: That's not a no. > DM: (Sigh) Alright, you start mocking your twin sister. Justifiably upset, she slaps you. > Nick: I roll to seduce. > Pete: Jesus fucking Christ. > DM: Whatever, just roll for it. > Nick: ... > Pete: What the fuck, Nick? > Nick: Natural fucking twenty! > DM: I HATE YOU SO MUCH. //================================================================================================ > Sean: Guys, this has been really fun - > Emma: Hey, look, I'm fucking this Mongolian guy! > Sean: But I - > Emma: He's got all these braids and shit - > Sean: - really need to - > Emma: - and he's hung like a horse, and the Dothraki - > Sean: Alright, STOP. > Emma: I don't see why you need to yell. > Sean: George, Emma's been here for the last twelve sessions, and she hasn't done anything except > tell us how wonderful the Dothraki are, and how hot her Mongol boyfriend is, and how she's the lost > princess of the super secret dragon people. For the last twelve sessions, all you've done is lavish > her character with gifts, when she's done fuck all to deserve them. I'm waist high in pig shit and > begging for my life, and the worst thing Emma's had to deal with so far is a bad batch of wine that > your DMPC CONVENIENTLY managed to save her from. I'm fucking tired of it. Fuck you, George. Just > because you're fucking Emma doesn't mean you have to fuck us, too. > DM: Okay. > Sean: ... what? > DM: At the last second, King Joffrey changes his mind. "Ser Ilyn," he says, "Bring me his head!" > Sean: Fuck you, George. I'm leaving. > Emma: Well that was rude. > Nick: He shouldn't have lost his head. //================================================================================================ >DM:Well Sean, glad to see you've gotten over that little incident. >Sean: Whatever >DM: So let's see your character...your old character's son, with the same stats and personality as > your last character... >Sean: Also, I'm going to declare myself King in the North and attack Nick's family. >DM: Goddammit Sean //================================================================================================ >Sean: Okay, since my characters unfortunate death, I'm going to be running this next adventure. George, >you can play the Mongol boyfriend. >George: Okay, I guess that's cool. Just try not to mess u.. >Sean: Roll a fortitude save. >George: Natural 20, and my +9 bonu.. >Sean: Your character dies. >Emma: No! You can't kill my Mongol Boyfriend! I love him so much and he gave me a white horse and killed >my evil brother without breaking his own strange code of honor and he's going to march on Kings Landing >just like George said he would and kill all your characters and give me the throne! >Sean: Okay, okay. The witch lady can save him. You just have to go against everything he stands for. Oh, >and you're going into labor. >Pete: Sean, I think you may be going too far. >Sean: Fuck you, Pete. Stay out of this. >Sean: No reason to get short with me. //================================================================================================ >Sean: All right, so your mongol boyfriend is dead and the witch is reviving him. >Emma: Yay! Now we can conquer the world together. He's unbeatable, you know, and he's got an entire horde >of mongols! We're going to win back the throne I lost as a child! I can't wait to see him. I'm going to go >see how it's going. >Sean: Right, right. Make me a fortitude save as you enter. >Emma: Why? >Sean: No worries. Seems you fail. You go into labor. The witch comes over and helps you deliver. The child >is stillborn. >Emma:What? No! Me and my mongol boyfriend had such plans for him and I totally ate a horse heart and >everything-- >Sean: The witch informs you that you had to trade a life for a life. Your Mongol Boyfriend is alive. Would >you like to speak to him? >Emma: Of course. We've lost our child but-- >Sean: He drools on you. He can't speak. You see, the witch rolled a natural one on her heal check--- >George: That's not how that works! >Sean: And I just lost two characters. Look? See. I rolled. 1. >George: You're making her cry! >Sean: You know what can't cry? My character's severed head. Rocks fall, everyone dies. >Emma: I'm going to run into my Mongol Boyfriend's funeral pyre! I can't live without him! >George:....with your possessions, right? >Sean: What does it matter? She wants to die, let her die. You and everything on your sheet start to burn. >George: Her dragon eggs hatch. >Sean: What? >George: It's right there on page 420 of the Draconomicon. It's how you hatch them. Extreme heat. >Sean: -flips table- THAT'S IT, CAMPAIGN OVER. //================================================================================================ -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: <http://lists.rosedu.org/pipermail/dnd/attachments/20110626/c3fb9661/attachment.html>