(reddit.com) My husband of 17 yrs became a drug addict and chose drugs and a prostitute over his daughter and I.

I’m so filled with resentment and hate. It’s been 8 months I gave him the final ultimatum to get clean or I was leaving. This man was a wonderful husband, my best friend. I was happy, we were in love and we built a beautiful life together. We had a nice house, we were debt free and just finally decided to have a baby because things were so stable. I had PPD, I was struggling a bit after our daughter was born and when she was just a few months old he started using heroin he says to cope with my depression. I stayed with him and I tried everything possible to help him through this. The relationship became abusive, emotionally, physically and sexually. He gave up his career. I left him hoping that he would realize that losing his family wasn’t worth the drugs. But within weeks he just moved in a woman that I found out use to be a prostitute and told me he was in love with her and didn’t love me anymore because I was too “dramatic”. I fought with him daily because I refused to have drugs in the house with my child and he would not stop. I would even find dirty needles on the floor within our child’s reach. I hate him. I spend almost every waking hour of the day thinking about what he did to us. I can’t stop the pain. I’m struggling financially and living in an overcrowded home with our child barely able to pay the bills. I am one emergency away from living in a shelter. I also gave up my career to be a sahm because that’s what he wanted. I’m finding the cost of childcare to be what is the biggest burden. I pay more in childcare than I do rent. I’ve had to sell everything I ever owned just to keep afloat. I’m in debt up to my ears. I applied for aid for childcare it there is a year long waiting list. I cry at least 3 hrs out of everyday, by myself and no one sees it. I pretend I’m hopeful and strong but I am anything but. I’m so lonely and isolated. My dream in life was to have a family and break the cycle of abuse and addiction that ran in my family. I loved and trusted this man more than anything in the world. I have very little family left alive and the ones I have live in poverty and struggle with addiction themselves. My father was also a heroin addict and I was abused as a child. I feel like a horrible mother. I feel like I just go through the motions. The pain is with me almost 24/7. I’m working hard to pull us out of this and give my daughter a real home but I feel like there is no end in sight. Some days I don’t want to go on. I’m tired of being strong. She doesn’t deserve a mother who is filled with misery. I went to a therapist but my insurance decided for some reason they wouldn’t pay for it. I feel like I have to keep my pain inside because I’m a burden to those around me. God I’m so sick of feeling sorry for myself. No one has control over my happiness but me. I just did not know pain like this could exist. He was everything to me. He was good to me. I was a happy person. Now I don’t know how to go on. I feel like he is a monster. I don’t know the person he has become and I am so angry that my daughter now has to grow up with a junkie for a father when I literally worked my whole life to insure that did not happen. I ask myself everyday how could I not have known he had this in him. How can someone literally change so much? What fucking irony. I guess you really do marry your father whether you see it or not. submitted by /u/onlyforever4 [link] [comments]