Dealing with loss and grief can be tricky. Everyone's loss is so unique and deeply personal, there usually isn't a one size fits all. Some things might be really helpful to one person, but hurtful to another.

But having said that, there are a couple of things that are universal that can make all the difference to someone who has lost a baby.

These are the basic, and most fundamental things you can do to best help someone who has lost a baby. And the best part? It's not complicated, and it's really easy to do. The first step is really simple.

Acknowledge their loss

Acknowledging rules all. This is the first thing, above all, you MUST do. It might be awkward, and you might feel uncomfortable, but this is so important.

People are often worried that by acknowledging the death of our baby, it will remind us about our heartache and make us sad. But we are always thinking of our babies, we haven't forgotten. It's a reality we live with every day and are acutely aware of it.

So you talking about them will actually lift our hearts. You validate our heartache, creating a deep connection of love by telling us you remember them.

It doesn't have to be elaborate, and sometimes it's better that way. Simply acknowledging their pain opens up the opportunity to either talk more about it, or just enjoy that moment of connection. And by talking about the pain of their loss, you're showing that you recognize their baby is real. And that's a beautiful gift.

How can you acknowledge loss?

A genuine hug and saying I'm so sorry you lost your baby.

Telling them, “I don't know what to say, but my heart aches for you.”

Letting them know they've been on your mind.

You can keep it really simple, and remember, it is NEVER TOO LATE.

It's been almost 2 years since we lost Hannah, and I still get messages from people acknowledging our loss for the first time. And they still mean everything to me. And they still will in 10, 20, 50 years from now because grief has no timeline.

These are parts of actual messages I've gotten in this past week alone, and each one was so touching to me:

From a cousin: I have thought so much about you and Doug through this loss of baby Hannah… I'm so sorry if you ever felt like we didn't want to know or that you couldn't tell us the events or emotions you were feeling. You must have been through hell and back going through all this. Love you.

From the wife of a friend: you don't really know me, but I have thought about you often. We meant to mail you something a long time ago and never did. May I have your address? I'd like to send you something.

From a friend: I miss you and really love you. I cannot fathom what you're experiencing so I'm sorry if I'm insensitive. I would really love to sit down together and just have lunch.

Talking with a friend: I know I didn't reach out to you on Hannah's first birthday, but I want you to know that I was thinking about both of you that entire day.

This might surprise some people, but I love to talk about Hannah. I love it when people ask me about her. Yes, there's a chance I might get emotional. But my tears are just as much a feeling of love that you remembered her, than they are of the deep ache I feel because I miss her. You talking about her is an incredible gift of love.

So the best thing you can do?

Say their baby's name.

This. THIS. This is music to my ears, it's love bursting from my heart. And for a moment, time stands still as I'm wrapped in that pure expression of love. Every. Single. Time.

As a loss mom, you often live in an isolating world. Your reality has been completely shattered, your world come to an abrupt stop. But the world around you? It has continued on. And since your baby isn't physically here, the world leaves them behind. Unseen, unknown.

So when you say her name, you've stepped into my world. You recognize my reality, and you allow a space for me in yours. It is so validating and so heartwarming. It tells me that you see her as a real being, that you care about her, about me. By bringing her into your world, you are keeping her alive and present. And that is everything.

Saying their name extends beyond audibly speaking, write it out in your messages and texts! Even just seeing her name fills me with joy. I just got a message that simply said, “Hannah!!” with a string of hearts and I completely melted.

Because the greatest fear of an angelmom? That their baby will be forgotten. Saying their name is a powerful way to show them their baby is remembered. That you see them as a real, unique person whose life mattered.

So the one thing you should never say?

“You can have another baby.”

I've been told this. So many of us have. And it is so hurtful.

The first time I heard it took me completely off guard. I had just finished telling someone about my recent painful loss (we're talking within 2 months of losing Hannah), and she shrugged and said, “oh, well, you'll have more babies.” I was stunned. Not only was that incredibly invalidating of my grief, but that completely diminished Hannah from being a distinct human being, to a generic thought.

I don't just want “A baby”, I want HER. I want Hannah. She is not just some thing that can be replaced, “some baby” I can just shrug off. She is uniquely her, a real being with her own identity. She is Hannah Hawkes. My daughter. And I'll forever be missing a piece of my heart.

And beyond the invalidation and the diminishment, that statement might not even be true in the first place. Because the truth is, there are no guarantees with pregnancy. They might not actually be able to have another baby, and that can be devastating. Just because you've been pregnant before, doesn't mean you can get pregnant again. Even if getting pregnant the first time was really really easy. I know so many angelmoms facing infertility after the loss of their first baby. And some experience loss, after loss, after loss. And it is so heartbreaking.

Don't try to negate their grief with the possible hope of what the future may bring. There can be a time for talking about the future, but right now? Meet them where their heart is, where they are right now. Acknowledge the pain of their loss, and say their sweet baby's name. And that alone will do wonders.

My heart goes to all you angelmamas, I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel for you deeply. And if you haven't seen, I create personalized love notes to you from your sweet angel, for free. I would love to make one for you, just click here to get yours.

And for those of you reading this to support a friend, THANK YOU. We need more kind hearts like yours and I'm truly grateful to have you here.

I would love to hear from you in the comments, what has helped you the most during your loss? Or how have you been able to connect with someone who lost a baby?