Years ago, Donald Sutherland shared one of my favorite “famous actor trying to break into Hollywood” stories. He auditioned for a small role as a central character’s next-door neighbor, and didn’t get the part. The explanation later offered to Sutherland by the director was, “You don’t look like you’ve ever lived next door to anyone.”



This, of course, is batshit crazy.



Seriously, what does that even mean? Unless you’re one of those folks who’s been off the grid since birth, you’ve lived next door to somebody at some point in your life. It’s among the most basic, universal experiences for any human being on the planet. As such, it’s borderline impossible not to be right for a next-door neighbor role, from the standpoint of looking like a next-door neighbor. Next-door neighbors look like … whatever the hell you want them to. But in this lunatic director’s mind, Sutherland...