

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore is pleading with the U.S. Supreme Court after their 7-2 ruling that permits same-sex couples the legal right to marry in Alabama.

The high court’s ruling comes just a day after Moore attempted to forbid all probate judges from issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

The ruling has Moore pleading with the high court to allow him to, in Moore’s words, “pretty please let me use my position of power for at least a little bit of discrimination.”

In a press conference Moore announced that he has entered into negotiations to bar interracial, same-sex couples from marrying and that there should be a freeze on marriage licenses until that point.

“The bible is clear on the matter that different kinds aren’t supposed to mingle,” said Moore. “When Noah was loading the ark he didn’t mismatch the animals, did he? When you’re getting up in the morning you don’t mix and match your socks, do you?!”

According to Moore, the execution of a same-sex, interracial marriage would represent a form of “double biblical jeopardy” which would “expedite the fire of judgment day by at least 7 percent.”

Moore announced that a DNA kit will be available for all applying for marriage licenses starting this Wednesday, and that the legal process should be at least postponed until the return of the DNA results.

“It would be wholly unfair to process these marriages only to discover later, after the DNA test results come back, that these people have a biblically, and Alabiblically, null and void contract,” said Moore.

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