CHESTER, PA—Slowly rotating the deep-fried strip of white meat to consider every possible angle from which it could be dunked, local man Brian Oakley is, according to sources, currently searching for a part of his chicken tender thin enough to fit into the plastic dipping sauce cup. “The end fit in the cup pretty easily, but now that I’ve taken the first bite, the middle part is too thick to get in there,“ Oakley told reporters as he carefully examined the crunchy, breaded strip of chicken before flipping it around and confirming that the back end was also too wide for the two-ounce container. “Only the very tip will get any sauce. I guess I could just take another bite and then it’ll be thin enough, but I don’t want to eat a dry part.” At press time, Oakley had resorted to scraping the chicken tender against the barbeque sauce stuck on the plastic cup’s foil lid.

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