Bert Christensen's

Truth & Humour Collection

Solipsism Warning:



The consumer should be aware that he or she may be the only entity in

the universe, and therefore that any perceived defects in product

quality are the consumer's own fault.





Determinism Safety Advisory:



Every citizen be advised that despite the possibility that his or her

acts are all entirely predetermined by the blind mechanical nature of

the universe and are therefore unavoidable and inescapable, he or she

will still incur a legal responsibility and liability for any torts,

violations, misdemeanors, or felonies he or she commits.



Knowledge-Definition Warning:



Because knowledge is defined for the purpose of this product

literature as "justified true belief", the manufacturer cannot prove

that they "know" any of the information provided with this product to

be true, correct, complete, or consistent because they cannot

demonstrate their internal belief states through the principle of

Philosophic Privacy.



Cartesian Evil Genius Alert:



The reader is advised that he or she may be subject to an illusion

generated by an evil genius, and that his or her "sensory fibers" may

be falsely manipulated at any time with neither advance warning nor

any possible legal remedy.



Epistemological Denotation Warning:



The consumer must understand that due to the a-priori impossibility

of assuring a shared denotation amongst independent agents, none of

the advertising material, product literature, instructions, or safety

warnings (including this one), associated with this product may

contain what the consumer perceives to be factual information.



Non-Universal Ethics Notice:



Due to the possibility that a common notion of ethics are not

universally shared by all sentient beings, and that therefore the

manufacturer may have entirely different concept of "fairness",

"equity", "honesty", and "integrity" than the consumer, the consumer

should not expect the product purchased to conform in any way to the

advertised properties of the product.



Godelian Product Disclaimer:



As it has been proven that there are many true but unproveable

statements, the manufacturer cannot be held liable for any of its

unsupported product claims.



Penrose Addendum to Godelian Disclaimer:



Despite the above warning, the manufacturer is confident that all its

product claims are true because of its mystically acquired and

computationally unrepudiable organic intuition. Unfortunately, the

manufacturer cannot in any way demonstrate that its intuition is

correct, or indeed that it has an intuition.



Philosopher-General's Existentialist Tobacco Products Label:



Warning! this product has been found to cause cancer and emphysema,

and to lead to increased likelihood of strokes and heart

disease. However, as the Universe is a soulless waste inhabited by

unthinking machines it doesn't matter in the least whether you smoke

or not. Go ahead, light up, it's all the same to me if you live or

die.