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It can put on lipstick, rub perfume between its haunches and take you out to the May Pole Dance—but that doesn't change the fact that CrossFit is not a sport.

That doesn’t keep CrossFit from trying, however. CrossFitters hold organized competitions, jack traditions from real sports and sound off like they’re the cutting edge of athletics. They're the next wave of office softball champions with a zealous bend, and they know they're 10 times the athlete you are.

Unfortunately for them, some of us haven’t drunk the burpee brew just yet and can still distinguish the very plain lines between real athletics and being the best at exercising.

CrossFit is not a sport. Now step back while I get specific on you.