Detached from history, most forms of popular entertainment seem completely baffling. Were I, in 2015, to observe various viscera being gleefully tossed around in the Colosseum by armour-clad celebrities, I might lean across to a fellow plebeian and ponder, “Um, isn’t this a bit weird? No? Not even the bit where they bring out a lion to nibble on a Christian? Oh, I get that it’s popular, I’m just not sure that therefore means it’s a good … wow, that lion’s tucking into his third already.” Then I’d be sucked in, cheering for BloodFoo to bring death through mouthfuls of popcorn.

Of course, sometimes you don’t have to wait for the passage of time to engender an anachronistic perspective, such as with whatever it is Kanye West does, and the popular Chinese dating show If You Are The One , which is broadcast in Australia on SBS2 and has been taking enjoyable idiocy to whole new levels for years.

To give a rough idea to the uninitiated, If You Are The One allows awkward singletons to pitch themselves to a stage-spanning panel of 24 women, in a perverse cross-breeding program that involved The Bachelor, Shark Tank, and a whole load of traumatised Chinese scientists who now wake up in a cold sweat every night whispering something about Project Chimera.

Overseeing this public ritual of humiliation, camouflaged as a romantic quest, is popular host Meng Fei, who descends calmly from a metal tube in the studio wall – as if the hysterical crowd has somehow convinced the spirit of reality TV to birth the chosen one. Meng has a certain serenity about him, which is lucky because the stage and lighting design are the visual equivalent of hyperventilation. Honestly, the man could out-Zen an anaesthetised brick.

Contestants then plop out of the same tube in the wall, looking uncomfortable – probably because they were just sucked out of a business meeting through the floor – and immediately pick their favourite girl, having not heard a single word from them, which is a slightly odd move given a lot of the show focuses on the issue of marriage and what makes a good life partner. This section seems more like If You Fancy A Quick Shag.

Perhaps the most nail-bitingly enjoyable parts are the pre-recorded video packages. These are apparently designed to boost the lonely male’s chances, but more often than not turn into a bizarre case of self-sabotage. On Saturday’s episode, one contestant confesses to drinking shampoo. Prodded by one of the women, he elaborates, “Then I puked and I rinsed with water, but foam kept coming out.” Cupid there, not so much missing with his arrow, as deliberately aiming at and piercing a drum of radioactive waste.

Friends join in to lend an unhelpful hand. In a video promoting one would-be romantic, a colleague explains, “He’s sloppy. He doesn’t clean up his room or wash his clothes. I hope he can find a girl to help him.” It’s a bit like going on Shark Tank, pitching an upside-down toilet, and then getting a friend to say you embezzled money to pay for your gambling addiction.

There’s a not-so-inconspicuous undercurrent of sexism here too. Men seem to either pitch their faults as necessitating a woman’s touch (messy bedrooms need tidying, kids that don’t exist yet will need looking after), or they boast their salaries as proof that any would-be wife would largely be taken care of and won’t need to work again. After the previous series received criticism for its focus on salaries and gender roles, you can see Meng attempting to butt in and course correct, but it’s nonetheless a tone that makes watching If You Are The One all the more curious.

More often than not – due to confessing that time they puked up some shampoo froth, getting a friend to say they live in a pile of unwashed clothes that needs attending, or admitting they hired a journalist to research one of the female judges (yes) – all of the lights on the women’s podiums go out, and the rejected suitor has to bugger off, back up the tube.

And given that women who remain unmatched get to stay on the program for another episode, it might be fairer to the men’s expectations to simply call the show Go On, Back Up The Tube You Go.

• If You Are The One airs on SBS2 and can also be viewed using SBS On Demand