On the verge of separation, Nat and Tom decided to try something 'unconventional'. Photo: ThinkStock

Nat*, 38, from Noosa Heads in Queensland, was on the verge of leaving her 46-year-old computer analyst husband, Danny*. The arrival of two children in three years had left the couple frustrated about their non-existent sex life and on the verge of separation.

As a last resort, Nat made a startling suggestion.

NAT: It was a winter of discontent in our home. After seven years of marriage, Danny and I had reached a crisis point in our relationship. We were constantly arguing and our domestic problems spilled over into our sex life. Months would pass before we had sex and when we did, it left both of us unsatisfied – once we even argued during the act! I was unhappy, frustrated, exhausted and ready to give up. Motherhood was the most wonderful experience, but it was also incredibly testing. Our two sons, now aged three and six, brought me such joy, but I’d lost myself to some degree. Six months earlier, I had started to look into my own sexuality and even took a Tantric sex course.

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I wanted to do this alone because I needed space from Danny. I had a girlfriend who was in an open relationship, which intrigued and excited me, but scared me at the same time. I wondered if that was the radical shake up Danny and I needed, but didn’t put too much thought into it. Then, one night after putting the boys to bed, there was a shift in atmosphere and our home felt calm enough for us to actually talk.

We both admitted we were frustrated – and then the truth emerged.

We were bored and tired of having sex with each other. “Danny,” I said, tentatively, my heart beating against my chest, “how would you feel if we had an open relationship?” Danny was stunned. While his reaction was understandable, we were hardly conservative. Once, at the start of our relationship, we’d experimented with another couple, but when we got married convention took over. It felt like hours before he found his voice.

“Yeah,” he said, quietly. “I’d love to.” “But you do know we’d be opening up Pandora’s box …”

Letting other people in frightened me, but it also filled me with an erotic excitement I hadn’t felt for so long. I’d fantasised about having sex fuelled by passion, with none of the relationship baggage that came with seven years of marriage and babies, but I would never betray Danny by going behind his back. We’d originally met at a yoga retreat in Sydney and were friends for a couple of years. Danny was very attractive: he had a lovely open face and sparkling green eyes, but he was 38, 173cm, and balding – hardly my type. The truth is, I’d always been attracted to tall, young, hot guys, and relationships that went nowhere.

We stayed in touch and hung out whenever Danny came up to Noosa. Then he decided to move from Sydney and rented my spare room. Over the next three weeks, I found myself enjoying his company; he was fun and funny and we just clicked. I was 30 at the time, and marriage and babies were on my mind, but I hadn’t met the right guy. “You’ll know when you meet him,” my mother used to say, but I didn’t believe her. Then I did a meditation about the man I wanted to draw into my life and a voice said as clear as a bell, “It’s Danny”.

It was an absolute shock, but it somehow made sense and, like my mum had said, it felt right.

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DANNY: Nat wasn’t my type either. Although she is gorgeous, the same height as me with curly blonde hair and a voluptuous body, I never got any sexual vibes from her, so I thought we’d just be mates. When she told me about her meditation, I started to see her in a different light … as a possibility. We started dating and hanging out. It was a real connection and the sex was great. We were also aligned in a lot of ways: we were amazingly compatible, liked to party, and both wanted a family. We fell in love and things moved really quickly. We were married within six months and soon had our first son. It was then that our sex life took a turn for the worse. Nat struggled to orgasm, which was frustrating for us both. I thought it was just one of the areas that wasn’t working, but overall the relationship was great.