CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Australia could lift its ban on nuclear energy after the government’s Federal Energy Minister asked the Environment and Energy Committee to look into the use of nuclear power as an alternative to having any form of a conversation around wind or solar or any of that other leftie shit.

According to the ABC, a 2006 report on nuclear power claimed Australia “could have up to 25 reactors providing over a third of the country’s electricity by 2050” – giving Australia 25 different opportunities for a Chernobyl style fuck up.

Political rivals have warned against this idea, with some pointing out a country that can’t even manage to roll out a decent broadband network during a mining boom, or run an online census survey, shouldn’t go anywhere fucking near Nuclear Power.

Many Nuclear Power advocates have come out swinging against critics today, stating that a lot has changed since the USSR nearly melted the planet in Chernobyl.

“This is by far the easiest way to boil water” said one Nuclear lobbyist, who has been employed by coal lobbyists to dominate the conversation around renewable energy.

The Coalition Government has released a statement, written by coal lobbyists, that highlighted their intent to explore the possibility of using millions of gigalitres of water in building reactors for this half-baked idea that Australia could somehow do a better job than Japan at powering the country through splitting atoms.

“Australia is on the frontline of innovation” says Prime Minister Scott Morrison.

“Sorry if that makes me sound like the last bloke. But it’s true”

“We are so technologically advanced. Just look at Instagram! We were the first to hide the likes!”

“How good is using electricity from nuclear power that is produced by nuclear fission of uranium and plutonium!”