New Tory slogan ‘We’re going to f**king kill you all’ not putting people off

The controversial new slogan of the Tory party – ‘We’re going to f**king kill you all’ doesn’t appear to have put off any potential voters.

The slogan was unveiled yesterday by Prime Minister Theresa May at an event that made a Scientology meeting look uncreepy.

The slogan has proved a surprise, not least because it contains neither the words ‘strong’ nor ‘stable,’ and it had been assumed that those were the only two words that Theresa May had been programmed with.

The bigger surprise, however, is that the clear intention to murder the entire population still hasn’t turned off Tory voters.

“No, I’ll definitely still vote Tory,” said Simon Williams, a Tory supporter who had his last original thought at the age of fourteen.

“I mean, yeah, they’re going to kill me, but really there isn’t any option is there. You can’t vote Labour because that bloke Corbyn has got a beard and doesn’t like nuclear Armageddon.

“So, regardless of the fact that he’s coming out with loads of polices, like more housing, more bank holidays, and tax reform that would literally benefit me more in the space of a week than Tory policies have done in my entire lifetime, I’m going to vote for the party whose slogan is ‘We’re going to f**king kill you all’.

“It’s just common sense.”

Mr Williams then went to play on the third rail.