Greek salads are my favorite salads. What’s not to like? They’re salty, crispy, cheesy, and ever so healthy when done right. But you know what Greek salads are typically missing? Copious amounts of eggs and seitan “chicken.” And I don’t know about you, but I would like my Greek salad better if it included something-I-can’t-put-my-finger-on-but-is-probably-the-sun dried-tomatoes-oil that makes it taste kind of uncannily like pizza. I’m just saying, that’d be a cool feature of a Greek salad.

Thank goodness, I’m the brave, noble, attractive person to solve this horrible problem.

So let’s toss (get it? eh?) a little Greek salad in this week’s quiche, shall we?

(My puns make my insides hurt.)

A couple ingredient notes before you go Shaqtin’ A Fool (google it) on me: I am not putting lettuce in this quiche. That would be absurd. And gross. I’m bothered just thinking about it. And while I can’t eat onions in their Greek salad state because of some weird intolerance that makes me start panting a bit (don’t google it), they would probably be a delightful addition to your Greek quiche. So consider it. Also, when I went to the grocery store that was 4ish miles away, I could only find soy feta cheese so that’s what’s in this recipe…I’d suggest real feta.

Now let’s get into to what is in this Greek/Pizza-y quiche of ages…

You’ll need

1 package seitan chicken (I used Westsoy – 18oz worth), drained

1 tsp oregano

1/4 tsp onion powder

1/4 tsp garlic powder

a dash of salt and pepper

1/2 cup or about 10 pieces sun-dried tomatoes, divided

4 oz (one small jar) quarted marinated artichoke hearts, drained but keep about a tablespoon of the juices for later

as much chopped basil as you feel comfortable with (i.e. a ton)

1 cup tomatoes, chopped into 1″ chunks, divided

3 tablespoons tabouli, divided

3 oz shredded mozzarella, divided

1 oz feta (I used Soy Feta – Mediterranean Herb Feta style because you only live once, right?/just because)

3 eggs

3 egg whites

1/4 cup 2% cottage cheese

1/2 cup almond milk (or whatever milk)

You had me at ‘no skillet necessary’ so let’s get to it

Preheat your oven to 375. Spray a pie pan with cooking spray and set aside. (Hey guys! No skillet necessary! Yay! Just baking! Yayyy!)

In a medium size bowl, toss your seitan chicken with oregano, onion powder, garlic powder, and your dashes of salt and pepper to coat it all. I like the word “dash.” Chop 1/4 cup (or about 5 pieces) of sun-dried tomatoes and add to the mix. Throw in that tablespoon-ish of artichoke marinated you so dearly held on to and the basil. Set aside.

In another bowl, whisk your eggs, egg whites, and milk. Whisk in the cottage cheese. Whisk in 1 oz (about a 1/4 of a cup) of the mozzarella and all of the feta. Whisk in a tablespoon of tabouli.

Spread your “chicken” mixture evenly in the prepared pie pan, getting a little bit of all the goods in all the everywheres. Plop down 1/2 cup of the tomato chunks, strategically of course. Top all of this goodness with the last 2 tablespoons of tabouli.

Pour the egg mixture into the pie pan, on top of the “chicken” fantasticness. Make sure the cheeses are evenly distributed about the pan by, you know, moving cheese pieces around. Top with the rest of the tomato chunks, sun-dried tomatoes, and artichoke hearts. Cover the goods with your remaining 2 oz of shredded mozzarella. Artfully lay some ripped up basil leaves on top of everything.

Pop in the oven for 45 minutes. Remove from the oven and marvel at how much this quiche tastes like a pizza. It’s a little eerie. But mostly eat it.

Man this quiche, amiright? First off, tabouli, although more Lebanese by definition, was an awesome choice. I was initially going to add tzatziki to the eggy mixture but the grocery I dragged myself to didn’t have any. And their tabouli looked legit. Turns out it is very legit. It adds so much flavor that would otherwise require a lot more work and a lot more calories. Both of which are silly.

This quiche is also very light and fluffy, thanks to the lack of any cooked vegetables to sorta…weigh it down or something. The herbs, little bit of liquids from the sun-dried tomatoes and artichokes, and the bite of the feta keep it tasting bright and light and other rhyming words.

Plus, it tastes like a pizza. I swear. First/only thought going through my head while I ate it. Try it out and tell me I’m wrong.

And then I’ll tell you you’re wrong.

And then fisticuffs.

Ideas for a few variations:

Add a few tablespoons of tzatziki to the eggs/wet stuff mixture

Top with sliced banana peppers

Add some sliced red onions to the “chicken” mix

Olives are a welcome addition

Toss the “chicken” with some thyme and/or sage

Evoke the spirit of Aristotle and get all meta with this shit