DELFT, NETHERLANDS—The world as we know it will never be the same, as physicists at the Hanson Lab (part of Delft University of Technology) crack the code to total teleportation.

This popular science fiction concept became a reality when head lab physicist, Dr. Tim van der Meer, came home from the grocery store on a cold winter evening. Tim unpacked his groceries, set his fresh fruit in the fruit bowl on his kitchen counter and headed to bed.

The next morning, having not left his home or opened any windows, Tim noticed fruit flies already surveilling his newly purchased fruit. “Where did these flies come from?” Tim asked himself as he inspected the entire house to confirm it was sealed. “How is this possible?” Tim pondered in astonished frustration. After several moments staring at the fleet of fruit flies, Tim shouted “Eureka!” in wide-eyed excitement as he bottled up the fruit flies and drove off to the lab.

Using Hanson Lab’s thermal cycler, Tim linked the strands of fruit fly DNA to the lab’s on-going teleportation test module. Using fruit fly DNA, Tim had finally created true teleportation technology. After week’s of preliminary studies on this successful phenomenon, the physicists at Hanson Lab have now released their groundbreaking achievement to the scientific community and the rest of the world. What humankind chooses to do with this technology remains a mystery but one thing remains certain, no fruit is safe from the fruit fly.

-Carter Anderson