Steve Bannon targeted followers of Jordan Peterson during the 2016 presidential election because ‘they were looking for a father figure to tell them what to do,’ stated an anonymous whistleblower at Cambridge Analytica.

Mr. Bannon utilized the services of Cambridge Analytica to find fans of Jordan Peterson – a conservative self-help guru – on Facebook and then deluge them with conspiracies concerning Hillary Clinton, feminism, and why they can’t find a date on Saturday night.

“We talked to a lot of young men who were targeted by these ads,” stated Andrew Canard who first broke the story. “After watching these ads, they thought bad trade policies and Hillary Clinton’s vagina prevented them from moving from cuck to alpha-male.”

Typically, those pulled into the Trump camp via these ads had never voted before 2016. Although their number was relatively small in comparison to the general population, they were enough to swing several states from blue to red. Ohio, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania fell victim to Mr. Bannon’s stratagem.

Cambridge Analytica used deep data mining and quickly realized Jordan Peterson followers possessed the big five traits of easily manipulatable men: lacking economic opportunities, having an estranged father, a love for word salad, not showering on a regular basis, and ranking in the top quartile in the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

Jordan Peterson released a statement concerning this unlikely turn of events:

The presupposition relies on unbridled reality, roughly speaking. And the unexplainable illuminates humble timelessness. the Bible unfolds into timeless photons.

Responding to Peterson’s words of wisdom, his fans threw even more money into their guru’s Patreon account.

In related news, Men’s Fitness Journal is still suing Peterson.

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This Poe was inspired by the very real story STEVE BANNON TARGETED ‘INCELS’ BECAUSE THEY ARE ‘EASY TO MANIPULATE,’ CAMBRIDGE ANALYTICA WHISTLEBLOWER SAYS.

Here’s a snippet: