I wrote this song during a 5-minute window we had from touring. We had just finished our dates with Brand New and Say Anything and were about to go on the road with mewithoutYou. I was at my parents place in West Palm Beach, Florida and just took my guitar with me. ‘…Virgin’ had been done for about a year and I wanted to start writing something. Here is what ‘I Can Feel a Hot One’ is about:

I could feel a hot one taking me down

For a moment I could feel the force

Veiny to the point of tears

And you were holding on to make a pointWhat’s the point?

In essence this song starts out with a panic attack, that’s the hot one that’s taking me down. I’m straining with my muscles and clinching tight, which is why I say “Veiny to the point of tears.” Coming off the road and holding on to the idea of the band, to the idea of touring, was enough to give me a little push over the edge. But then I ask, really, what’s the point?

I am but a clean man, stable and alone man

Make it so I won’t have to try

The faces always stay the same

So I’ll face the fact that I’m just fine

I said that I’m just fine

Then I talk about how, even though I had just come off the road, I never dabbled in all those harmful vices that so many people succumb to when they tour. I was clean, I was stable and I was alone. The next line I’m referring to my voice. It’s not always easy to sing these songs night after night and I’m worried about how I sound. Here, I’m just asking God for the muscle memory “so I won’t have to try”. And, as with life on the road, I’m in different cities each night, but it seems like the faces always stay the say, so I guess that I’ll be okay.

I remember head down after you had found out

Manna is a hell of a drug

I need a little more I think

Because enough is never quite enough

What’s enough?

It’s tough sometimes as a human being to know when you have enough because we always want more. In the Old Testament the Jewish people would receive what they needed from God and it was often explained in the form of the fruit, Manna. Sometimes though, when you ask for it, it’s more than you bargained for. See, God told them to take just as much as they needed and nothing more. Any excess they took would rot by the morning, so there was no point in over doing it. That left the people wondering, ‘how much do I really need’? I always thought I wanted it all. This was really spawned from the Pedro the Lion song, ‘Simple Economics’, with the line “Power can be such a tease, you’re always wanting more. It’s good to know that just like sex, it can be paid for.”

I took it like a grown man, crying on the pavement

Hoping you would show your face

Well I haven’t heard a thing you’ve said

In at least a couple hundred days

What’d you say?

I’m talking to God here, just asking for Him to show himself to me. Clearly the allure of the Manna had thrown me and I hadn’t been close enough to God to hear Him in a while.

I was in the front seat shakin’ it out

And I was asking if you felt alright

And I never want to hear the truth

I want to hear your voice is sounding fine

My voice is sounding fine.

This is a conversation between Chris and I, where I am asking him if he felt alright. Truth be told, I didn’t really care whether or not he did, I was asking because I wanted him to tell me that everything would be okay with me. And more specifically, with my voice. A misconception about this lyric is that it actually reads like – I want to hear “your voice is sounding fine” – like I want Chris to tell me my voice is sounding fine, not that I’m interested in someone else doing okay.

I could feel my heart beat taking me down

And for the moment I would sleep alright

Veiny with a selfish fear

To keep me up another restless night

Another restless night

Being on the road is a gnarly trip and sometimes after like 12 hours of straight driving, you start losing it. Here is the beginning of me losing it. Just pulling my blanket over my head and crying and crying and eventually crying myself to sleep. That’s when the dream starts…

Your blood was dry it was sober

The feeling of audible cracks

And I could tell it was over

From the curtains that hung from your neck

In this dream, I’m driving Amy, my soon to be wife, back to her parents house in Birmingham, Alabama. We get side swiped by this tractor-trailer and the wreckage is where this verse starts. As she’s lying there, I can tell that she’s not going to make it and that this was the end.

And I realized it then, you were perfect

With my teeth ripping out of my head

And it looked like a painting I once knew

Back when my thoughts were not tire leak intact

Sometimes it’s too late to realize things you should have earlier, and at this moment, I’m looking at Amy and realizing that she is perfect as I’m amongst this disaster that is being played out on the road. I realized right then that all the things I was worried about didn’t matter.

So I prayed for what I thought were angels

Ended up being ambulances

And the Lord showed me dreams of my daughter

She was crying inside your stomach

With one last ditch effort I pray to the Lord to save her, but it’s too late and the ambulances have come to take her away. But the Lord gives me a glimmer of hope by showing that our baby is inside of her. And although I am going to lose Amy, we will always have something together in the form of our daughter. At that moment that best thing I could say was…