In recent months, tensions surrounding the hotly contested 2016 presidential election have given rise to an exciting and dynamic new political movement called the “alt-right.” Though it originated on 4chan, a website mainly associated with anime-obsessed pedophiles, it has now spread all the way to Reddit, which is, by contrast, a bastion of civilized, intelligent discussion. Most shockingly, these alt-righters have now even been spotted gathering together in real life on occasion, sharing bold new ideas about the global Jewish conspiracy and the degeneracy of feminism. Since the alt-right movement is made up entirely of white males, one of their biggest bones of contention is an anti-white agenda that they perceive in the modern media, citing the liberal, Jew-run entertainment industry’s tendency to commit such appalling acts as casting nonwhite actors in a Star Wars movie, or hiring a woman to write a TV show.

But is there really a secret cabal of reverse-racist feminazis colluding to hold white men down and keep their voices out of the media? And if so, why? One has to wonder what the motivation behind such a massive, intricate, and vindictive conspiracy might be. If so many women and people of color have been working so hard to oppress white men, they must have some pretty good reasons. As a white man myself (full disclosure) I can really only speculate, but after doing extensive research, I’ve produced a definitive list of ironclad, empirical facts that prove that white men are universally flawed and worthy of subjugation.

WARNING: Any white men who are sensitive about their shortcomings may be triggered by some of the following content. Read at your own risk.

1. White people have inferior genetics. The general scientific consensus, based on hundreds of studies conducted over many years, is that the white race is the most unskilled of all races in nearly all areas. It’s long been known that white people lack athletic skill and general physical coordination, but research also shows that, when compared with nonwhites, white people also perform poorly in the areas of logic, memory, spatial reasoning, and many others. White people are therefore very unfit for survival, and it is speculated that the comfort and convenience of the conditions of global industrialization is all that allows them to live as well as they currently do. So we must wonder, how is it that whites were able to survive for so long in pre-industrial times without being eliminated by natural selection? Which leads us to our next fact:

2. White people have always used sneaky, underhanded tactics to gain power and preserve their own kind. Throughout history, white people have manipulated capital to gain power over others, wielding the dual powers of business and the state as weapons against all those who threaten them. The white man’s prime motive has always been the preservation and glorification of his own race, and lacking the natural advantages possessed by competing civilizations, white society was forced to develop dishonest and deceptive means of consolidating power in order to carry on as a people. So if white people are all inherently flawed, why the animosity for white men in particular? Aren’t white women just as bad? Well, not necessarily. Here’s why:

3. Men are less intelligent than women. The alt-right boys will surely take issue with this one, but fortunately, we have science on our side. Several wide-ranging studies, accounting for all different backgrounds and economic classes, confirm that women consistently outperform men in all academic areas, as well as displaying superior reasoning skills, communication skills, and most of all, emotional intelligence. While women in general have somewhat better IQs and at least marginally surpass men by all metrics of intelligence, the area of emotional intelligence is where we see the starkest contrast. The average woman scores five times higher on tests of emotional intelligence than the average man. So, while white women certainly suffer from many of the same flaws as white men, their natural female intelligence nonetheless keeps them a few steps ahead. Oh, and there’s one other issue that affects white men much more severely than their female counterparts:

4. White men are fat. Another startling but true fact. White males suffer from higher obesity rates than any other demographic, and the total number of morbidly obese white men per capita greatly exceeds that of white women, who have the second highest obesity rate. This correlation seems to be consistent across all ages, from early childhood and into their 50s and 60s. Past that age, the data is much harder to verify because very few men actually live that long, for obvious reasons. This information should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with white history, since being overweight was considered a sign of wealth in feudal European society and was therefore attractive, especially in men. Because of this, nearly every European king was quite rotund. Oh, and speaking of kings:

5. Almost every horrible, mass-murdering conqueror in history has been a white man. With the notable exception of Genghis Khan, whose vast empire at one time included all of continental Asia as well as parts of Eastern Europe and Africa, the grand historical tradition of brutal, land-seizing, culture-destroying warrior-kings has been virtually dominated by white men. What did Alexander the Great, Atilla the Hun, Julius Caesar, Caesar Augustus, William the Conqueror, Napoleon, and the worst of the worst, Adolf Hitler, all have in common? Yup, they were all white men. Perhaps there’s some fundamental lack of human empathy and compassion in the white male mind that drives us to constantly conquer territory and subjugate other civilizations under our rule. Or maybe our minds have just been hopelessly warped over the years because:

6. White people are all inbred. In the days before globalization, white societies were even more insular and tribalistic than they are now. So much so, in fact, that it was rare for a European to even encounter someone outside of their own clan, let alone marry them. And so it was that the early whites would mate almost exclusively with relatives, often with members of their immediate families. The taboo against incest did not become common in white culture until the Enlightenment era, but even now, most rural white Americans continue to regularly engage in it. The effects of constant inbreeding have been disastrous to the entire white race, and no doubt help explain the white man’s shoddy genetics and general lack of ability. However, our genes may have simply been bad to begin with, due to the fact that:

7. White people evolved from Neanderthals. This is not very commonly known, and it has been a matter of some dispute, but generally anthropologists maintain the following facts: In the early days of humankind, in Africa, there were actually two competing species of human. There was the unsophisticated and ape-like Neanderthal, and the stronger, more refined, and more intelligent Cro-Magnon. And thanks to recent advances in carbon-dating technology, we’re now able to confirm the direct link between the Neanderthal race and early Europeans. The Neanderthals all apparently left Africa at some point, probably due to their inability to compete with the superior hunting skills of the Cro-Magnons, and migrated to the part of the world we now call Europe. Chances are also high that the Neanderthals had even challenged the Cro-Magnons in battle and suffered a humiliating defeat, forcing them to leave. This possibility is considered likely because, despite our inferior combat skills, white men are far from peaceful. In fact:

8. Men, and white men in particular, have a well-documented propensity for violence. White men commit more murders, more domestic violence, and more sexual violence than men of any other race, and certainly much more than any women. As any white man reading this knows, we just can’t seem to stop ourselves from regularly getting in fights, and yelling and screaming at people, especially the women in our lives, as often as possible. The common explanation for this is that, as white men, we have a naturally bloodthirsty nature, motivated mainly by our crippling inferiority complexes. Though many of us never realize it, we all suffer from deep feelings of insecurity on a subconscious level due to a latent awareness of our many flaws in comparison to other men. Chiefly among them:

9. White men have very small penises. No explanation needed here. This is basically already a universally-accepted fact. The evidence is plain to see, and only those in very deep denial would refuse to accept it. Our penises are downright tiny, and they don’t tend to work very well either, as evidenced by the inordinately high rates of erectile dysfunction in white males. Whether this is a hereditary issue or just another unpleasant effect of our psychological conditions is unclear. But there is one thing I can tell you for sure:

10. We could literally save the world by exterminating white men. Let me be clear. This is strictly hypothetical. I am not advocating for any type of genocide, nor would I ever do so. But please indulge me in this little thought experiment. As you probably know, human beings are currently causing the Earth’s resources to dwindle at an alarming speed and inducing unprecedented levels of environmental destruction. And if this pattern continues, humanity could be facing a major crisis in the very near future. What you might not know, however, is that white men actually consume natural resources at a much higher rate than everybody else. In total, white men burn more fossil fuels and eat more food than all other people combined. We also buy much more useless junk than everybody else does, thereby creating much more waste. That’s about 15% of the world’s population, using up more resources and generating more waste than the other 85%. So, from a purely pragmatic standpoint, if we were to, hypothetically, remove white men from the population altogether, our overall consumption rate would slow so drastically that there would be extreme abundance on a global scale, the world economy would stabilize, and the need for environmentally harmful practices would all but disappear, allowing humans as a species to create a much more sustainable society.

So, while obviously it would be horrendous of me to call for the mass murder of all white males worldwide, I do hope that at least some of my fellow white men, upon being presented with all this new information, will join me in making the choice to voluntarily remove ourselves from society by neglecting to breed. I’ve personally chosen to achieve this by swearing off sex with any cisgendered women, thus eliminating all chance of my genes accidentally getting passed on. But for those white males who aren’t quite as dedicated as I am, simply getting a vasectomy is a good option as well. And if you want to get married to a cis woman and raise kids, don’t worry, you still can! You would just need to get sterilized and allow your wife to breed with a nonwhite man. This way, you’ll be able to live the traditional life that you’ve always wanted without continuing to spread your defective white male DNA. It’s a win-win situation for everybody!

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Thank you very much for reading, and thanks especially to the white men who took the time to hear and consider this new and unconventional perspective. I know that these facts can be hard to swallow, and believe me, it took a very long time for me to accept them. But listening and understanding are the first and most important steps toward progress. And I think we can all agree that in light of all of this incontrovertible evidence, those poor, sad, desperate alt-white boys no longer have a leg to stand on.

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