The rules: Every week you pick six characters before the show airs. These can be anyone: dead (Robb Stark), kinda dead (Jon Snow), potentially dead (Stannis), or just missing (Nymeria — Google her). I give them points. You tally them and try to find meaning in a meaningless world.

Inspired by Emily Yoshida. Spoilers abound

We start in the North, where winter is coming but there’s still no good skiing. At Castle Black Jon Snow is back, having traded death for a mild case of asthma. +50 to Jon for coming back from the dead while somehow managing to keep all of his scars. -20 to all religious people because he saw nothing in the afterlife and all your efforts have been in vain.

Melisandre, for her part, is shocked. She can barely believe that make up sorry magic exists because it’s not like she’s a 1000 year old hag who looks really hot or anything. +30 to the Red Woman for being the Beverly Hills doctor who one day at 55 realises there may be more to medicine than plastic surgery afterall.

Meanwhile as Jon wallows in the existential crisis of his existence, Ser Davos gives him the same speech that has worked for every startup founder at every TED conference ‘You have failed. Now go fail again’. This inspires Jon and he writes it on a little post-it he will attach to his monitor as he sets off to seek VC funding for his new app Tinder-for-Wildlings.