ILLUSTRATIONS BY KEVIN THE MAJESTIC:

MARIA CON CARNIE: http://i.imgur.com/AwNzcIQ.png

LAWRENCE AND JAMES FLYING AWAY: http://i.imgur.com/RlSDfnV.png

IN RESPONSE TO CRITICISM: http://i.imgur.com/UhuzGDg.png

NEO-TOKYO AND THE GUNDAM: http://i.imgur.com/C6WHiod.png

[11:49:00 PM] Ali Rashed: James Rowling II Jr. Gonzalez flips his hair majestically as he walks down the carnival ground. He feels like a loner. He doesn't have any special talents. He walks with his deflated sword, Dong Francis to his side. Jamie Rowlin' just wanted some lovin' in his life.

WHAT DO YOU DO:

[TALK TO THE SAUCY SPANISH CLOWN THAT RIDES A UNICYCLE]

[TALK TO THE FRY COOK]

[HIT ON THE BEARDED LADY]

[11:49:39 PM] Connor MacDonald: I pick option D : Slay the carnies

[11:50:57 PM] Ali Rashed: James Rowling II Jr. Gonzalez whips out Dong Francis and leaves the carnival as it burns to the ground. Dong Francis only grew stronger as it quenched its hunger on the blood of freaks. James strode off into the distance, deciding what to do next.

WHAT DO YOU DO:

[WALK TO THE FOREST]

[GO TO THE CITY]

[EAT SOME SWEET ASS COSMIC BROWNIES]

[11:55:14 PM] Ali Rashed: JR 2nd Jr. Gonzalez walked back to the carnival grounds. He found the carnies back working, as if nothing happened. Enraged, he massacred his way through the carnies again. He came across his own father. He pleaded for mercy. He leaned in close.

James: "Are you feeling it now, Father, are you feeling it now?"

He plunged his sword deep into his eyehole, and then stared at the results of his actions.

WHAT DO YOU DO:

[11:55:39 PM] Ali Rashed: [CHARGE YOUR CRYSTALS]

[CHILLAX TO THE MAX]

[READ A GOOD BOOK]

[11:56:15 PM] Connor MacDonald: I choose option D :Fashion a skeleton horse out of the bones of the now truly dead carnies and ride away from the cursed ground that they first laid their tents on

[11:59:19 PM] Ali Rashed: James mounted Lawrence, his evil skeletal horse, made up of the bones of the twice-dead, twice-bludgeoned carnies. He rides off into the sunset. As he rides off, he ponders the mysteries of life.

Like, what comes after death?

Like, what is the meaning of life?

Like, is a donkey's butt, an ass's ass?

He then realizes that it doesn't matter, because he comes across a hot girl chillin' by a local gas station. He parks Lawrence to fill him up with gas, and approaches the gas station.

WHAT DOES HE DO:

[WALK TO THE GIRL]

[GO TO THE GAS STATION]

[BREAKDANCE]

[12:00:24 AM] Connor MacDonald: I choose option D : He explodes the gas station by giving it a sexy look, and the girl joins him on Lawrence willingly, after seeing his display of pure sex. They begin to fly away/

[12:09:02 AM] Ali Rashed: James does a 360 and then realizes that his sweet dance-sex moves literally forced the gas station to disappear from this plane of existence. The girl, named Q. Lovebush Hoffstader, runs up to him.

Q. Lovebush: "JAMES, I have heard of your sexy tales from all over the internet. Fan ficition writers everywhere love you. PLEASE can I join you on your adventures"

James: "sure babe"

They board Lawrence. Lawrence telepathically communicates with James.

Lawrence: "sweet. a groupie"

James: "hells to the yeah"

Lawrence then grows wings, and they fly away.

WHAT DO YOU DO:

[FLY TO NEW YORK]

[FLY TO NARNIA]

[REALIZE THAT SKELETONS CANT FLY]

[12:11:08 AM] Dylan Saramago: Opposite-fly (dig) into the underworld and smoke some mcnuggets with satan

Lawrence flies high to the sky

Lawrence: "haha sikeee"

Lawrence dives to the ground, his face turns into a drill, and he burrows deep into the ground.

Apparently, after 666 meters into the Earth's crust, you actually enter the underworld, no one knew that because the previous record was 665 meters.

Satan: "WELCOME TO MY DOMAIN MORTAL"

James: "Hey dude are those mcnuggets"

James points to the chicken nuggety goodness that was on the table near Satan.

Satan: "Yeah, want some? I guess it's rude not to offer, huh?"

WHAT DO YOU DO:

[HIT ON SATAN]

[SHOVE DOWN SOME MCNUGGETS]

[PERFORM A SUMMONING SPELL]

[12:16:33 AM] Connor MacDonald: I choose option D : Eat Satan

[12:19:18 AM] Ali Rashed: James eats Satan. He then whips out Dong Francis.

James: "POWERS ACTIVATE"

James touches the fully charged crystal on his chest, and Lawrence transforms into a skeletal Gundam. Q's pants LITERALLY evaporated at the sheer awe of it all. James just shakes his head.

Women, am I right?

JK Rowling emerges froim Satan's corpse. James walks up to her and gave her a wedgie.

It hurt a lot. Like, seriously, JK Rowling was upset. She needed tweezers to get them unwedged.

Q, James, and Lawrence head to Neo-Tokyo to wreck some shit.

[12:21:45 AM] Connor MacDonald: James awakes in his bed back in the carnival. A single tear rolls down his cheeck as he realizes it was all a dream. His carnie mother calls for him to start up his daily chores. James sits up in his bed. He pulls Dong Francis from beneath the covers, and beheads himself.