Tweet Chapter 1: So You Want to Be a Manager?



When people asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, did you answer “whatever requires the least effort, and pays the best”?



You might just be a manager.



Have you ever taken credit for a project, despite having contributed nothing but big words and grand gestures?



You might just be a manager.



Have you ever put on your suit and tie (or other appropriate uniform) and then spent hours looking in the mirror, admiring how regal and important you look?



You’re a manager.



Management is not a job; it’s a state of being. The knowledge that you’re better than those you shepherd, the aura of power that surrounds you, and the keen eye for fashion that holds it all together are merely markers of your higher state of being.



By far, however, the best part of being a manager is the complete lack of skills it seems to take—with the obvious exceptions of basic knowledge in flattery and dominance, and enough social ability to assemble a large network of people. The pay is fantastic, the expectations are minimal, you get to tell people what to do—and if they don’t do it, they get in trouble!



So gear up: put on your finest suit, marveling at how much it cost, don your most impressive striped silk power tie, and slip into a comfortable pair of lime-green crocs—you’re a manger, you can get away with it. You’re about to learn the tricks of the trade, and make more money doing it.







Still need a laugh? Why not check out some of the other articles from Laugh at the World?