Director Robert Zemeckis has tried to put an end to another outing for Marty McFly but 71% of Americans are clamouring for a remake. And what the people want, the people will get

Back to the Future had everything, didn’t it? Nostalgia, adventure, cool cars and a weirdly aggressive hatred for the people of Libya. Truly, no other film has ever or will ever come close to recreating Back to the Future’s dopamine hit. Except, you know, that Back to the Future reboot that everybody wants.

According to a new Hollywood Reporter poll, 71% of the 2,201 people surveyed are clamouring for a Back to the Future remake. Everyone knows that reboots are how Hollywood’s most craven instincts tend to manifest themselves. So, even though a Back to the Future reboot would almost definitely be about Justin Bieber riding around on a Swegway and smoking a magical vape that takes him all the way back to a time when you were already quite old, it is what the people want, and so it will be what the people will ultimately get.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest A better Bond than Daniel Craig? ... Pierce Brosnan as 007. Photograph: Moviestore/Rex Shutterstock

Oh, sure, Robert Zemeckis might have already definitively put an end to any Back to the Future reboots, by telling Italian website Bad Taste that “there will never ever be, in the most absolute way, a Back to the Future 4. There will be no more Back to the Future.” But that doesn’t matter, Hollywood gets what Hollywood wants. Soon, I guarantee it, there will be an all-female reboot where Martine McFly travels 30 years into the past specifically to sneer at all the beloved cultural artefacts that the world’s current population of 40-year-olds have chosen to define their personalities with. Then there’ll be a belaboured “Still no hoverboards?” crack and some Libyans will die and that’ll be another happy childhood moment stomped into the dust.

To give this survey credit, at least those polled picked a film that has actually been around long enough to warrant a reboot. Some of the other results, such as The Hunger Games, have only been in the ground for a handful of years. But there is every reason to doubt a survey with such a small sample size; 53% of responders said that they would like to see more Avatar films, which leads one to believe that the poll was somehow sent out to every single person on Earth who actually wants to see more Avatar films.

Although I’m being facetious, the full Hollywood Reporter survey is bracingly thorough, especially when it comes to James Bond. Those polled gave their opinion on every 007 film – the most loved was Goldfinger, the most disliked was Moonraker – and who should play the character next. Altogether, 29% strongly approved of a black James Bond, 20% strongly liked the idea of a female Bond, 19% were in favour of a hispanic 007, 17% approved of an Asian Bond and 15% strongly approved of a gay James Bond. But then the poll also said that Pierce Brosnan was a better Bond than Daniel Craig, George Lazenby was the worst, and 32% of people strongly supported the heinous notion of an American James Bond, so up is down and down is up and nobody knows anything.

There’s a lot to chew over across the board, and no doubt this poll will go some way to shaping the next decade of film-making. But in the meantime, someone measure Justin Bieber up for an orange body warmer. He’s going to need it.