Hey, y'all. Thanks for putting up with my absence last week. I know it's a monumental challenge to get through the week without my lazy regurgitation of cat .gifs and the dankest of memes. I went down to SXSW last Tuesday and attended Lucha Underground's Austin Warfare show and it was amazing so everyone can go to hell right now. Sorry, that sentence got out of control in ways I didn't anticipate. But the messaging here is that it was an amazing night and I regret nothing.

In fact, I didn't even watch the final - I dunno - third of RAW last week. It's as if, somehow, I knew I'd get caught up. Via some type of video presentation designed to remind me of things past. Probably more than once even. So I was fairly confident that I could get by. Plus, I know you glorious sons o' beans would tweet at me if anything huge had happened. Turns out nothing huge happened. Hence, my empty-ish mentions column.Speaking of WWE's video package, which are constantly superb, I almost want to sort of skip these final two RAWs and just head into 'Mania with nothing but those videos to watch right beforehand to hype me up. I think it could work. They're that good. Watching the entire "story so far" video about Undertaker and Shane last night was great. And probably better than just watching the three or four separate segments live as they happened. Except for the first Shane one though. His return is still a very high Monday Night RAW watermark.Last night's RAW wasn't bad, but it also wasn't anything close to being what we wanted two weeks out from 'Mania. I know WWE can pull things out in a clutch, and with one RAW to go, they may just do that. But am I confident they'll do that? That's a separate issue. Last night's RAW ended with Ambrose. Which his fine. Because people can't. Stop. Booing. Roman. Reigns. The Mayor of Booplex City.The dude is just this juggernaut of a corporate s*** train. Poor guy. Something needs to give soon, story-wise. I mean, Triple H is already going to be the babyface at WrestleMania. Will Triple H actually go over then? That's the only way to guarantee safe passage out to the parking lot afterward. And not having to pass through a rowdy, angry gauntlet of fans lightly rioting because their voices, and money, were all but ignored.New nose. New entrance. Same endless, noisy ocean of "boos." Roman Reigns, everyone.And I still insist that there was a missed opportunity, when Roman was standing in front of Hunter's limo, for this to happen...Also...Roman gently "shhhhhh"ing Steph? Like a condescending turd? Not okay. Really creepy and mansplain-y. Also, she's the better promo! You don't grossly, quietly hold the better performer in contempt. A-hole.But even Ambrose's final segment fight was sub-par. There were even "This Is Boring!" chants. And then the show ended 5-to-10 minutes earlier than usual. After Ambrose supposedly "went wild" on the Wyatts. Which meant chair shots. Which are nothing special in the WWE now. ESPECIALLY AFTER FASTLANE. Ambrose really needed to get crazy here and he didn't. Because the Waytts are still being protected for after 'Mania. Which brings me to this. I don't think Bray's being booked for 'Mania. Maybe he'll win that Battle Royale thing, but he's not on the card. Which means...Wyatt family run-in during the Brock/Dean match. And they'll both get laid out. Will that be the finish of the match? Maybe not. Maybe Brock and Dean team up and battle the Wyatts together for a bit and then the decision is determined afterward. But yeah, it looks like Sicko and Swampsters are kind of high and dry right now.Dean Ambrose. Hater of small businesses/tables. Potential murderer.The 32 card is pretty much filled out at this point too. And it's... crowded. I was really hoping for "less is more" this year, but there's still the pressing need to include as many people as possible. Like, Kevin Owens is facing anywhere from 3-to-7 other guys in a Ladder Match now. And there's a new 4-on-4 Divas match. That's really just a way to have Brie face Lana. Except Lana can't be in a singles match. Also, Usos are facing the Dudleys. Something I don't need to see really. Except for the final moments when the Dudleys go through a table.Anyhow, I think there's a stronger card to be made with more straight-up singles matches. At least we're getting Jericho vs. Styles in a pure, untarnished manner. And Shane vs. Undertaker. Now with a new "twist." One that pretty much sets the outcome. Not that it was ever really in question, but you know how it goes. It's like "Of course Donald Trump wasn't getting his head shaved." And "Of course Undertaker's final match will be more meaningful than one where he's Vince's bitch."That's right. Vince has put Taker's career on the line. Which in no way changes how I figured the match would end. Which was Undertaker winning, but in a violent definitive way that makes Vince regret putting Shane in the match. And makes him love his son again. And, basically, give him RAW despite the losing effort. That's just one way to go with this, of course. Shane could just win and Taker could get "fired." Not that he can't come back. Someone else could "rehire" him. Or he could just start showing up whenever he wants because he's Undertaker and he has dark supernatural abilities and doesn't give a f*** about being an actual paid employee.

Sasha Banks gets to brag, Hulk Hogan wins all the money, and more...