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By Chaplain Mike

A Christian group, concerned about moral breakdown in American society, is pushing for a ban on the book of Genesis.

A spokesperson for “People Involved in Saving, Securing, and Defending the Old-Fashioned Family” (PISSDOFF), said that decent citizens have come together to protest the publication and distribution of Bibles containing Genesis. They say that our culture cannot go on promoting materials like Genesis to our children without devastating consequences.

Jonathan Fussminder, a parent and activist for the group said, “This book [Genesis] is a classic case of the devil’s bait and switch. It opens with an outstanding scientific depiction of how God created the universe, but then you turn the page and you have two people running around naked in a garden! That’s Satan’s way. He draws you in with something that sounds good, and before you know it, you are looking at pornography. ‘They were naked and not ashamed’? That is exactly how the world wants us to feel about immorality! No shame! I wouldn’t want my boys reading a book like this for anything.”

When asked if that passage was the only one to which he and the other members of PISSDOFF objected, Fussminder rolled his eyes and said, “Oh my, no. Genesis is filled with R-rated material at best. You’ve got violent killings, parents having sex with their own children, men giving their wives away to harems to save their own skin, sodomy, lies, deceit, polygamy, child-slavery, seduction, and so many explicit sexual scenes and references that I’m embarrassed to even talk about them.”

When this reporter asked about the fact that some people consider Genesis to be “God’s Word,” Fussminder became animated. “God’s Word? God’s Word? That just shows how far into decadence we’ve fallen. Can you imagine a good and holy God inspiring a book like this? Can you imagine God asking parents to tell these stories to their children? They’d be warped for life!

“No, this most certainly is NOT God’s Word! How it got into the Bible we don’t know, but the fact that it is in there may point to one of the most insidious conspiracies in history. We are pushing hard for publishers to delete Genesis from future Bibles. And we are also going to keep investigating. If Genesis got snuck in there, who knows what might be in some of the other books? As we speak, PISSDOFF has teams of readers combing through the other books in the Bible so that we can root out this kind of immoral and corrupting material.

“Just recently, I heard a rumor that the very next book, Exodus, may contain depictions of infanticide, murder, nightmarish and gory plagues straight from the latest horror movies, idol-worship, immoral partying, and more sexual perversion. Who knew? I certainly never read any of that from the Bible Promise Loaf we had on our kitchen table when I was a kid!”

So your work won’t be ending with Genesis? Fussminder was asked.

“No way!” he replied. “We’re PISSDOFF, and we are not going to take it anymore! We are here to protect the children of America from these sick and perverted influences, and we won’t stop until we’ve cleaned it all up, from Genesis to Revelation.”