I'm a hopeless romantic and my one true love is food -- so when it betrays me, I am especially hurt. On Monday I ambled into my local Whole Foods (which is the equivalent of a candy addict going into a candy store or a porn addict into a porn store), eagerly surveyed its wonderful products, and chose some of the 365 Everyday bacon (the store brand).

Unfortunately, I accidentally bought the low-sodium bacon, which I didn't realize until about twenty minutes ago.

I'd opened the bacon the day I bought it and it seemed fine, but when I reopened the package today, it smelled kind of like ammonia and was browning around the sides. Bacon, even if it's low sodium, should last a few weeks - that's one of the Ten Food Commandments. And this had only been three days!

I'm a college student, though, and unless there's enough mold on something to make it look like an active ecological society, I will not throw it out. But that necessitated that I use ALL of the bacon today - about nine strips in a meal for one.

So If I die tonight from clogged arteries, blame 365 Everyday brand low-sodium bacon. -Tyler Nemkov