Right now if you have been abandoned or released you may be feeling very lost. Having been under the control of another, having given yourself to them to take responsibility and care for you, having trusted your Owner in many (sometimes all) aspects of your life, having surrendered your mind, body and soul to another……….it is with no surprise that you will be feeling lost now they are gone.

It is likely that you loved your Owner. So you have not only lost the person that you loved like so many people do….but you have also lost your Owner – the person that helped you make decisions or made decisions for you, disciplined you, gave you structure and purpose…and your place in life. This can be debilitating yes…..but you should know that you are not alone in this experience – and it is perfectly normal to feel this way when abandoned or released.

Essentially what you may be experiencing is grief. You are grieving the loss of someone that played a significant role in your life. Grief is very unique and can affect different people in many different ways.

At times over the next few weeks you may have moments of intense emotional (and sometimes physical) pain, confusion, fear, loneliness, anger and great sadness. In contrast you may not feel much at all and feel empty, or numb. There is no “normal” way to grieve the loss of someone so significant so don’t be shocked by your own reactions, responses and feelings.

The feelings and responses you experience may lead you to seek out another Owner (Master/Mistress) as soon as possible. This is common abandoned slave/submissive behaviour – you should not feel ashamed by it…. but you will need some self discipline (and perhaps some help from others) in order to not put yourself in danger or in the path of another fall.

Trust me when I tell you that whilst a good Master/Mistress may see through your trauma and recognise a good potential submissive or slave underneath the surface – you should be at your best when you present yourself to Him/Her. Do you really want to present yourself to your potential new Owner appearing weak and desperate? If you think a slave/submissive should be weak and desperate then you have much more to learn about the D/s lifestyle – thankfully all you need to be is open to learning.

So…. your task is quite simple in description, though it will need some work to fulfill. You need to find yourself again and become strong again.

How will you give yourself to someone when you don’t have yourself to give?

At this stage it might be useful for you to have a mentor, guide, friend or just someone that will listen, not judge and help with your tasks as you need. You may have someone in mind that can be there for you in this way. Don’t worry if you don’t have someone or if you feel that you don’t feel confident enough to reach out to others right now.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help – you do not have to make this journey alone and there are others that can offer help and emotional support to you.

It can be very helpful to spend time around people that understand what you are experiencing. If you have a MAsT Chapter nearby, this may be a useful source of support for you.

If you have come here from Secondlife, there are a number of communities in-world that are very supportive to those in the D/s lifestyle and that offer support. Please do visit these even if you just sit quietly and listen. You do not have to be alone.

You will find a number of tasks from the top menu that you may start to work on right away. They are tasks that I have found to be useful in the past when experiencing my own abandonment. Others have also found them to be useful. I hope that they prove to be helpful to you too.

Good luck on your journey *hugs*