She sat there.

She sat there Pondering,

Wondering, Musing, Speculating

What could have been.

Should have been.

Might still be.

Her breath drew in,

The smoke blew out.

The basement grew dark,

The record played out.

She’s all dressed up,

And nowhere to go.

New Year’s Eve. I was still with him and we went to a friend’s party.

I had grown so weary of our relationship that I could barely focus on it anymore.

There was a guy there. He was quite funny and very sociable. We were talking in the kitchen for a while. I looked over to see him sitting on the sofa playing video games, as he spent majority of his time doing at home. It was at that point I decided to welcome the attention I was getting that night from this stranger.

He made his interest very clear, and though I didn’t act on it, I remembered it.

Then came that phone call.

The next day, after my anger had subsided enough, I decided to get in touch with some friends. Get out of my head. I was starting to feel like my skin was crawling and I needed to get out. I had all of this new freedom, and I didn’t want to waste it.

I remembered that stranger.

We kept in contact here and there over the months, but now I decided to make a leap.

He excitedly suggested coffee. So I went.

To this day, the next night I only half remember. It’s a funny thing, much of those next few months was frequently spent intoxicated. I lost myself in a spiral of self destruction, and he was more than willing to enable.