NoCapes Sat 23-Sep-17 11:51:56

I have a history of bad labours

My last one in particular was really really (really really) bad

So I'm high risk this time

My consultant is pushing me to have a c-section and keeps going on about how he really doesn't recommend I give birth, he wouldn't be comfortable it'd be very risky lalala, he even said to my partner at the last appointment as I was halfway out of the room 'please talk her into it'



So I probably am going to go ahead with a section if he feels that strongly about it

Trouble is I feel really weird about the whole thing



I have given birth 3 times without any pain relief or anything so going in for a section feels like a bit of a cop out this time

I absolutely don't judge people who have a section at all I honestly don't I know people just do what's right for them, I just worry that it's not right for me

I'm worried I won't feel like I'll be as close to this one as my others or have the same bond, I won't get that euphoric feeling you get when it's finally out and you get a sticky wet wriggly baby on your chest, someone will just announce that it's out and flash it to me over a sheet

It'll all just feel so detached



I have 2 boys and a girl already and after DD i had PND and I really really struggled to bond with her, and if I'm really honest with myself I still don't feel as close to her as I do the other two

I'm having a girl this time too so I'm already worried about not bonding and I'm so worried that not giving birth to her is just going to make that worse



Sorry I'm rambling a bit but I just feel so deflated

I want to give birth to my baby, not just have it removed