Got a problem? Write to Deidre here.

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

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Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF

(please enclose SAE).

Dear Deidre

I GOT completely off my head out clubbing with my mate and had sex with some random guy I met.

That was not the only time, either.

I am a married woman of 34 with two children who are 11 and nine.

I love my husband and we have been together 12 years.

8 I love my husband, but I lost my job and got drunk and had sex with a stranger Credit: Getty Images

Last year was terrible though.

I was made redundant.

I got another job but the hours were hard to fit round family.

My husband was working long shifts and we hardly saw each other.

I began to feel unloved, that I was just there for everyone else to trample on.

I got friendly with a woman at work and we were a bad combination.

She was crazy and we acted like total idiots when we went out.

I was drinking way too much and flirting with any man who chatted me up.

8 I befriended a girl at work who was crazy, and we acted like total idiots when we went out Credit: Getty Images

One evening we were clubbing when a really hot guy asked me to dance with him.

He was definitely younger than me but seemed loaded and bought me a bottle of champagne which turned my head.

I ended up having sex with him round the back of the club.

I felt bad about it afterwards and promised myself I wouldn’t do that again but stupidly got off with other guys three times more when out with this mate.

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Then I woke up to what I was doing and what I stood to lose.

I stopped going out and stopped drinking.

I am truly ashamed of my behaviour and petrified that my husband will find out.

I cannot bear the thought of losing him or my children.

I keep thinking about the saying that karma will catch up with me one day.

My husband has changed his job and now works days only, so we have time together.

I am giving him all the attention I can but how do I learn to live with what I have done?

DEIDRE SAYS: You were under a lot of stress when you made these mistakes but you have stopped going out with your mate and stopped drinking.

You can feel good about yourself for doing that.

Alcohol and a crazy mate were a recipe for trouble but we can all make mistakes when we have had too much to drink.

The important thing to do then is to learn from those mistakes, which you have done and you know you will not repeat them.

Look to the future now.

Concentrate on your marriage and keeping that strong.

Explain to your husband that you felt you were drifting apart during that bad patch and you do not want that to happen again.

Keep telling him that you love him and use the tips in my e-leaflet Looking After Your Relationship.

You can off-load your feelings of guilt safely by calling Samaritans (samaritans.org, 116 123).

My girl's lesbian assault

Dear Deidre

ANOTHER girl got my girlfriend really drunk and did lesbian sex acts on her.

My girlfriend is 22, I am a guy of 24.

We bumped into this woman in our local.

She is about my age.

I left early that night as I was tired.

8 A woman got my girlfriend drunk and forced her to have sex after I left the pub Credit: Getty Images

We live five minutes away and my girlfriend said she would be right home but she wasn’t.

This girl took my girlfriend back to her flat, got her into bed and asked for sex.

My girlfriend refused and tried to leave but she was too drunk.

The girl then performed sex acts on her, despite my girlfriend saying no.

When my girlfriend sobered up, she came home and told me what happened.

We have not seen the girl since but are angry and we think she should be punished.

DEIDRE SAYS: This was sexual assault and it is understandable that you want justice.

Pursuing a case can be very demanding, so let your girlfriend make her own decision whether to report it to the police.

Suggest she start by contacting Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999).

My e-leaflet Have You Been Raped? can help.

TOPIC FOR TODAY Nearly half of young people have been bullied at school and more than 15,000 are absent at any one point because of bullying. My e-leaflet Is Your Child Being Bullied explains how to help and where to find support. Email problems@deardeidre.org below for a copy.



Hard as nails to ditch pal

Dear Deidre

I OFFERED to do a colleague’s nails when she was having a hard time but I hate it and want to stop.

I am a qualified beautician but I am working in a supermarket at the moment as it’s all the work I could get.

This woman works there too.

I’m 23, she is 53.

She is a bit of a bully but I offered to do her nails to give her a lift when her marriage was in trouble.

She got back with him but wanted me to carry on doing her nails.

Now I hate going there.

They are always talking about sex, porn and threesomes.

She has told me her husband wants one with me or sex with just me.

I feel extremely uncomfortable.

I have told her I don’t want to do her nails any more but she will not leave me alone.

She pesters me at work and uses really foul language too.

DEIDRE SAYS: They are treating you appallingly and you are right to refuse to go to her home.

Just say no.

My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself will help you be clear.

If she swears, walk away.

If you feel bullied, tell your line manager.

Acas can help (acas.org.uk, 0300 123 1100).

Life fallen apart in three months

Dear Deidre

MY life fell apart in three months.

I’m now broke and jobless and alone.

It all began to go wrong when my girlfriend left me.

She went on holiday with this man straight away which led me to think she was seeing him while she was with me.

8 In the space of three months I lost my girlfriend, my job, started taking drugs and got sent to prison Credit: Getty Images

I went on a bender of drink and drugs.

I lost my job and then had to appear in court for my stupid behaviour.

I didn’t turn up so I got sent to prison for two weeks.

My heart’s still in pieces and now I’m back on the drugs.

How can I turn this around? I’m 25.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve had a tough time but this isn’t the end of the road.

You’re young and you’ll find love again.

Start by getting help to kick taking drugs.

See your GP and find help through FRANK (talktofrank.com, 0300 123 6600).

Contact Nacro, which helps resettle offenders for advice about how to get back into work (nacro.org.uk, 0300 123 1999).

BECOME A FORCES PENPAL: My service has helped cheer up our lads for years – especially those serving overseas. Find out how to join in here.

Hubby watches porn but can't have sex with me

Dear Deidre

MY husband can get an erection but it goes down within a minute.

At other times it doesn’t even go up.

I recently discovered he has been watching porn several times every day.

I think this may be the reason he doesn’t get aroused with me any more.

Or he may not be as attracted to me as the sexy porn stars.

8 Why isn't my husband interested in having sex with me? Credit: Getty Images

I am 23 and my husband is 25.

We have been together for three years now and married for four months.

We are both healthy and our sex life has always been great until now.

Could he be cheating on me?

I don’t know what to think.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s unlikely he has physical problem but the daily doses of porn may well be dulling your husband’s natural sexual responses.

It’s a common problem.

Tell him what you have discovered and say he must take steps to cut down on the pornography habit.

My e-leaflet Internet Pornography Worry explains how.