Since the very beginning, Early Cuyler has worn different hats in almost every episode, usually representing a feeling he has.

Trucker Hats Edit

This is the complete list of every trucker hat Early has worn throughout the show's history, written in chronological order.

"Here's The Beef"

"Breathe If You're Horny"

"World's Greatest Illegitimate Daddy"

May I Help You, My Child? - Seen on a combination pope/trucker hat, when Early still had his job at Mattress Christ.

Seen on a combination pope/trucker hat, when Early still had his job at Mattress Christ. "Groom"

"Goal Bandit"

"I Love Cock Fighting" - Has the word "Fighting" appearing much smaller than the other three. Seen in School Days, Fool Days.

- Has the word "Fighting" appearing much smaller than the other three. Seen in School Days, Fool Days. "Free Hat Limit 1"

"2005 Prom King"

A stylized American Flag with a bald eagle's head superimposed seen in Chalky Trouble

Four aces drawn such that the ace of diamonds is on top and the rest (clubs, hearts, then spades) are fanned behind it.

A squid drawn in the shape of the Pontiac Firebird logo

"David Allan CEO Live In Macon" - Worn when Earley became CEO of Dan Halen Industries, a reference to outlaw country singer/songwriter David Allan Coe

- Worn when Earley became CEO of Dan Halen Industries, a reference to outlaw country singer/songwriter David Allan Coe "GLUG" - The name of a blindness-inducing alcohol created by Early and brewed by Dan Halen.

- The name of a blindness-inducing alcohol created by Early and brewed by Dan Halen. "Booty Hunter"

"Support Our Troops" - American flag design with a yellow ribbon. After struck by lightning it reads "Support Our oops."

- American flag design with a yellow ribbon. After struck by lightning it reads "I Love You, Daddy"

"Sonny LIED!!!" - Written on a Confederate battle flag design. A motto from opponents of Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue, who won office in 2002 partly from a promise to have a "St. Andrews Cross" of the Confederate Battle Flag as a choice on the flag referendum . He adopted a less controversial design based on the more obscure first national flag of the Confederacy.

- Written on a Confederate battle flag design. A motto from opponents of Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue, who won office in 2002 partly from a promise to have a "St. Andrews Cross" of the Confederate Battle Flag as a choice on the flag referendum . He adopted a less controversial design based on the more obscure first national flag of the Confederacy. "Tricky Two" - Written on a gold hat underneath a hand making the peace sign.

- Written on a gold hat underneath a hand making the peace sign. "I ANT WON JAK A LOT FROM THE SQUATTERY THE LOTTERYS SHOULD BE THE JACK SQUATTERY CAUSE I AYNT JACK SQUATTING A LOT Y THEY SHOULD RENAME THE LOTTERY TO THE JACK SQUATTERY CAUSE THAT'S ALL I EVER WIN IN IT!!!!!" - Written in pen by Early and presented to Dan Halen as an idea for a novelty hat.

- Written in pen by Early and presented to Dan Halen as an idea for a novelty hat. "John Beer" - Parody of John Deere with the logo shown as a silhouette of a drunken anthropomorphic deer sprawled out among beer cans.

- Parody of John Deere with the logo shown as a silhouette of a drunken anthropomorphic deer sprawled out among beer cans. "Swayze Crazy" - Written in red lettering on a pink hat with Patrick Swayze flexing right arm seen on an Adult Swim website ad.

- Written in red lettering on a pink hat with Patrick Swayze flexing right arm seen on an Adult Swim website ad. A bill connected to a donkey with a (censored) obscene protrusion of a penis that offends everyone including Squid Jesus.

"God's Good Buddy" - Written underneath a semi truck with a cross on it driving out of the heavens seen during a Squidbillies bump and Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble.

- Written underneath a semi truck with a cross on it driving out of the heavens seen during a Squidbillies bump and Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble. "Remember 9-111 - Irregular"

"Do It To It" - Catchphrase of Plumber Bubba in the Bubba Trubba episode.

- Catchphrase of Plumber Bubba in the Bubba Trubba episode. "Damn I'm Good"

"Gynaecologist Saturday Nights Only" - In Terminus Trouble, during his trial, Early says he owns this but it's not been seen.

- In Terminus Trouble, during his trial, Early says he owns this but it's not been seen. "Hooked On Jesus" -An Ichthys caught on a fishing hook.

-An Ichthys caught on a fishing hook. "Hooked on Darwin" - A Darwin fish caught on a fishing hook.

- A Darwin fish caught on a fishing hook. "I'm Going Nuckin Futz!!"

A larger Ichthys labeled "Truth" , eating a smaller Darwin fish with "Dar" undevoured.

, eating a smaller Darwin fish with undevoured. A big beast labeled "Science" devouring a smaller beast labeled "Faith" with "ith" still visible.

devouring a smaller beast labeled with still visible. The word "Faith" slaying, with an arrow, a big beast labeled "Science" .

slaying, with an arrow, a big beast labeled . A spaceship labeled "China" abducting the word "Faith"

abducting the word Two wolves, in a forest at night, with an American flag waving behind the howling wolf while the other sits proudly.

"I Support the Flattax Cause I'm FLAT BROKE! "

"Taste Daytona!"

"Bodywork by Wanda"

"Shoot First - Ask Questions NEVER!"

"Too Cool For YOU!!"

"Damn Bald Eagles - Ft McPherson, GA"

"Lifeguard on Booty"

"Ice Wind, Ignite & Excite"

"David Allan CEO, Live in Action

"Jesus Shaves"

"My other hat is YO' MOMMA!" - Worn in the season three episode, The Appalachian Mud Squid: Darwin's Dilemma.

- Worn in the season three episode, The Appalachian Mud Squid: Darwin's Dilemma. "Didn't Ask, Don't Tell!"

"Been there, Done That, Got this HAT!!"

"got breast milk?" - Parody of the "got milk" slogan

Parody of the "got milk" slogan "No Habla Jibber Jabber!"

"Nifty, Nifty, Look Who's 53!"

"Guns don't kill people, I do!" - A bloody target sign replaces the O in do.

- A bloody target sign replaces the O in do. "Line Dances Do It!! In A Line!"

" Born to Die!"

"When God takes a DUMP on your head, you just gotta craft it into a Hat!!!"

"This Ain't A Hat, It's A Rag Top For A Sex Convertible"

"This Hat Contains Minimum 80% Post-Consumer Recycled Hats"

"LAUGH SO I CAN SEE 'EM BOUNCE" - O and U in BOUNCE are shaped like a large breast in a bra or bikini top.

- O and U in BOUNCE are shaped like a large breast in a bra or bikini top. "These Colors Don't Run!"

"LERM!"

"Always Remember, June 19th!"

"Body for Pleasure, Mind for Sin"

"Love it, or Leave it!"

" The Fine Ol' Solution" - Early's "good solution" to remove the Mexicans; a parody of the Nazi genocidal 'solution' for the Jews.

- Early's "good solution" to remove the Mexicans; a parody of the Nazi genocidal 'solution' for the Jews. "VPILF" - Has a picture of Sarah Palin.

- Has a picture of Sarah Palin. "Too Funk to Druck"

"Here, hold my hat while I have sex with your wife!!!"

"You'll get this hat when you pry it from my Cold, Dead Head!

" Dougal County Corrections BK4013970061794 "

" "Healing Rocks!!!"

"Do something with your life, TAKE OFF YOUR TOP!"

"Do something with your life, GET AN EDUCATION!"

"Cash is King!"

"I Love You"

"We Accept: I Love You Son."

"Baby Rusty", "I didn't kill him and bury the body somewhere."

"He's Alive"

"Put Your Head Between Your Legs And Kiss Your Ass, Goodbye"

"Ignorance is B, L, I, S, S Why Ain't You Smilin'?"

"I'm a Long Haired Spreadneck" - Another David Allan Coe reference

- Another David Allan Coe reference "Emergency? Dial .357!!!"

"Tell your Boobs to stop staring at my eyes! " - Both "O"s in Boobs are replaced with fried eggs

Both "O"s in Boobs are replaced with fried eggs " Don't Blame Me, I Didn't Vote"

"Vote Yes, Re-legalize Midget Tossing"

"Early! Pc Beach '92"

"Early! Pc Beach '95"

"Early! Pc Beach '01"

"I survived, Yuri's Androp-off'!"

"I need help making copies!, Ask me how?"

"TITS for TOTS!" - Has a hand giving the middle finger.

- Has a hand giving the middle finger. "Get The Party Started"

"Honey, I'd suck the fart out of your CAR SEAT!"

"T'aint one, T'aint the other!" - Has a design of a starfish winking at a purple cat licking its tail

- Has a design of a starfish winking at a purple cat licking its tail "Warning: If you can read this, you better be sittin' on my FACE!"

"I've got a blue chip, If you got a Green back!!!"

"SRU, Sheetrock Universe"

"SRU, Sheetrock Universe, U of PS just below the state Of Georgia"

"I'm Did Asbestos I CAN" - Made entirely out of asbestos and poorly translated from Chinese.

- Made entirely out of asbestos and poorly translated from Chinese. "Warning! Do Not Wear This Hat!: I'm did Asbestos I can!!"

"Bullying" - This word is crossed out with a red line, meaning no bullying

"Slut Rustler"

"You gotta rock out with your Jock out, Daytona 86"

"The Big E"

"3-Peat Offender!!"

"If Dar-Wins, we lose" - Platitudes 5:12

"There's No Use For A Lawman without lawlessness!!"

"I put the FUNK in functional alcoholic!!"

"I pick the hick in "Operating a vehicle while Introx-Hick-ated!!"

"NICE LEGS! WHAT TIME THEY OPEN?"

"Who's your GRAND DADDY?!"

"I Like To Grab Butts!!"

"I'd Rather Be...Financially Secure!!!"

"Whiskey While You Work!!" - Parodying the phrase "Whistle while you work."

"Granite Caverns"

"Your Wish Is Granite"

"Gone but not forgotten" - Has a picture of Ga Ga Pee Pap.

- Has a picture of Ga Ga Pee Pap. "Vote Sheriff Fairly Tough!"

"Elect Denny - 'Imma Make A Change'"

"Less Pod-Castin' More Rod Castin'!!!"

"Going digital." - A furry looking creature giving the finger.

- A furry looking creature giving the finger. "Frack it"

"Let's get Dougal County back in FRACK!"

"God is my co-pilot. The devil is my wingman... Whose flying the plane?!!!"

Indian Casino crown, reading "THE ONE-ARMED CHICKASAW"

"Guns don't kill people. They only make it easy."

"Support Straight Marriage!!!"

"Real Men Love Jesus Women!!!"

"Hey, Gays! I Won't Be A H8r If You Can Get Str8r!!!"

" Hetero Cephalo!!!"

"You Can't Fix Stupid If It Don't Broke!!!"

"My Other Hat Is Rols Roice"

" It's 5 o'clock somewhere but it's 4:20 here!"

" I have beer Googles . When I drink, I know everything!" - "Googles" is in the color/icon scheme of Google.

. "Googles" is in the color/icon scheme of Google. "Go Home! America's Full!"

"I'll Turn The Other Cheek... So You Can Kiss My Ass!!!"

"Granny Sux!!!!!"

"If You Don't Roll Coal, Then You Can Kiss My Gas!!!"

"Freedom Ain't Free...And We Don't Accept Pesos!!!"

"How'D My Worm Get In Your Taco?, "Spring Break Cancun 2007"

"Who Needs Hair With A Hat Like This?!!!"

"HERITAGE, NOT HAT E " - Decal of the Southern flag is seen over this phrase

- Decal of the Southern flag is seen over this phrase " Divorce is strong with this one" - Mocking the Star Wars quote, "The force is strong with this one."

- Mocking the Star Wars quote, "The force is strong with this one." "SLUT NUT"

"Did you say something? 'CAUSE I HEARD A TURD!!!"

"I Don't Netflix And Chill... I VHS and F**K!!!"

"I Was With Stupid, But Now She's Your Problem!!!"

"Keep Drunk and Carry Arms" - A pistol and beer bottle are shown above the phrase

" I'm A Multitasker! I can watch TV, drink a beer, and bang your wife! ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!"

"Hey, Snowflake! Here's Your Trigger Warning!!!" - A gun is seen facing forward, pointing to anyone who reads the saying

- A gun is seen facing forward, pointing to anyone who reads the saying "FREE Rusty"

"I won't get FOILED again! Global Turkquoisse Conspiracy!" - Written on a tin-foil hat

Written on a tin-foil hat "I BELIEVE EVERYTHING" - Has a picture of bigfoot, a UFO, a purple dinosaur and an Illuminati pyramid

- Has a picture of bigfoot, a UFO, a purple dinosaur and an Illuminati pyramid "Latrine Marine"

"I'm still HOT! It just comes in Flashes!"

"I enjoy sex with WOMEN because I'm DEFINITELY a MAN!!"

"They're Not Hot Flashes, They're POWER SURGES"

"I don't lay eggs, I lay womerns!" - A large rooster stands behind the phrase

A large rooster stands behind the phrase " I Ain't Some WOMEN You Can BOSS AROUND!!!"

"LETS F**K!"

"Let's just cuddle" - Used when Early "can't get it up"

- Used when Early "can't get it up" "Cow-a-socky the hillbilly ride." - Graphic of a cow with a saddle and socks on

" Dougal + Guatemala 2017 "

" "Sasquatch" - Name of a cooler brand

- Name of a cooler brand "Blue Lives Matter"

"Events by Russel" - Advertising Russel's party business

Trivia Edit