

5. Green Bay

Right, the most storied franchise in the NFL and the most romantic base. It’s a co-operative and citizens own the team. Vince Lombardi and Mike Holmgren have streets named after them. It’s a grand old time when the Pack rides.

But what have you done lately? Today’s Green Bay fans stand on the shoulders of their fathers. The Packers’ vaunted homefield advantage has waned over the last decade—especially in the postseason. Somehow, the fans let a young Mike Vick—on a Saturday night— own the joint during the 2003 Wild Card playoffs. They let Randy Moss and Daunte Culpepper smoke the Pack during the ’05 playoffs. The Packers blew the 2008 NFC Championship at home in a picturesque frozen tundra game that defecated all over the iconography. When Aaron Rodgers and the Pack won the Super Bowl in ’11, the entire run was made on the road. The following season, the defending champs host a divisional playoff—they lose in Lambeau.

What really bothers me about Green Bay is their myth of righteousness. It’s the same reason I was rooting for the Miami over San Antonio during the NBA Finals. Green Bay is a base that touts the shield over the name on the jersey because of a figurative purity that comes with supporting the team. It’s a base that sells you on wholesome localism and pure-hearted values. But it’s football—there are no good guys and bad guys. Your Dorsey Levens jersey does not make you a better person.