**WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS DUE TO CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS**

To say that there are political undertones in The Dark Knight Rises would be like saying Lucky Charms has sugar: you’d have to be a potato, or have the brainpower of one, to not pick up on either fact.

That doesn’t mean this plans to be a politically deep opus on the politics within the movie. Everyone else has done so, and to think that I have anything new to bring to the table about the serious political issues throughout The Dark Knight Rises is more egotistical than I’ve ever been.

So instead, we bring to you the characters in The Dark Knight Rises, and where they fit with today’s politicians in the eyes of the left.

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The Dark Knight Rises Character: Batman

Political Character: President Barack Obama

It’s pretty obvious that President Obama would have to be the Dark Knight, racial undertones aside. As the United States president in such a tumultuous time financially, socially, and defensively, President Obama is the vanguard of the country, protecting it and striving to do what is right by the American people, even if what needs to be done is unpopular to some.

And, since he is president and going gray before his time like so many other presidents, he will hopefully be able to relax, sipping coffee at a nice cafe in Florence when his tenure is over.

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The Dark Knight Rises Character: Bane

Political Character: Sarah Palin

With jokes about Bain Capital and Rush Limbaugh so quick to judge the movie as liberal nutjob BS before even seeing it, Mitt Romney has become the go-to photoshop joke when it comes to political satire in The Dark Knight Rises, but it’s far from apt. Mitt Romney is the subtle ultimatum hiding in the shadows. More radical Conservatives like The Tea Party are grease that keep the circus going. And what better poster-child is there for the wacky adventures of The Tea Party than that good old girl, Sarah Palin? Radicalism is usually the megaphone for more subtle political approaches.

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The Dark Knight Rises Character: Talia al Ghul

Political Character: Mitt Romney

While Bane was the radical cog in the wheel, the person spinning the wheel was none other than Talia al Ghul, hell-bent on redirecting Gotham into destruction. Having Mitt Romney take on this part as the presidential candidate for The Republican Party is an apt comparison, as he plans to redirect the United States into…well, something.

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The Dark Knight Rises Character: Catwoman/Selina Kyle

Political Character: Ron Paul

The Libertarian stance is usually smack in the middle of both political camps, so making Ron Paul into Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman, seemed necessary.

Pay no attention to the fact that I was giggling at the idea of putting Ron Paul in a leather onesie.

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The Dark Knight Rises Character: John Blake

Political Character: Jon Stewart

This was an easy one, and not just because one guy’s name is John, and the other is Jon. John Blake is seemingly ready to take on the mantle of Batman, or Nightwing, or Robin in Frank Miller’s movie interpretation of The Dark Knight Strikes Again(please, for the love of all that is good, no). Everyone I know would vote for Jon Stewart to take the presidential mantle from President Obama when his tenure is over. Mission accomplished.

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The Dark Knight Rises Character: Alfred

Political Character: Al Gore

This one is a bit of a throwaway, but I felt that I had to find a weepy, butler-like politician. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a Democrat that was such and actually had some great words of wisdom. You win by default, Mr. Gore. Our apologies, Mr. Caine.

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Don’t worry, right-leaning readers. We have one coming for you as well.

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More Batman Laffs:

Political Who’s Who In The Dark Knight Rises: Liberal Idea of a Conservative Edition

The Film History of Batman

John Blake Spoiler Ideas Before Watching The Dark Knight Rises

Embarrassing Bat-Moments

The Nine Lives of Catwoman

Joker VS Joker VS Joker