netjeff.com Humor collection If Operating Systems were Airlines

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If Operating Systems were Airlines

DOS Airline: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on again and so on. Mac Airline: All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without you having to know, so just shut up. Windows Airline: The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff...then the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever. NT Airline (old): Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison, and forms the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing sound like they're flying. NT Airline (new): Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes. Unix Airline: Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building. Linux Air: Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?" OS/2 Airline: To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a form showing where you want to sit and whether it should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you have time to say your prayers and get yourself prepared before the crash. Newton Airline: After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name. After 46 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward announces that you have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers. Metaphor Flying Machines: The great new planes are sitting on the runway, but the mechanics are all on strike and the ticket agents can't sell any tickets because the planes don't have windows and the airline hasn't figured out where they're flying to. (Ed. - Metaphor finished a major release, but 2/3rds of the Engineers have quit, and the product only runs on OS/2, not Windows) Xerox Airlines: Well... our planes don't fly, but they make great copies! Oeroflot System/2: Airline most powerful. Carry many tractors for you. Also to say our windows better than their windows. Would like export license? Can sell cheap. Taligent Airways: The lawyers and the engineers are still wrangling over how to get the railroad cars to inherit the flying method. In the meantime IBM is building a secret railgun in Santa Teresa to launch them into suborbital flight towards Redmond. Passengers need not apply.

Categories for this item: Computers, Airlines