Is art imitating life or life imitating art?

It was difficult to tell after Manchester United’s victory against Juventus, which saw Normal José Mourinho throw on Marouane Fellaini late on and shithouse his way to a very fortunate 2-1 victory.

If that wasn’t enough, he then proceeded to goad the entire Juventus support into a rage by cupping his ear and making a weird face. It was pure, unadulterated Evil José.

Are fiction and reality starting to blur? Only time will tell. For us, the journey continues. If you don’t know what’s going on you can read Part 1 here, but it should be obvious anyway.

I haven’t actually played the game since the defining victory against Shithouse (Cardiff) City and was reasonably pleased to find that the next few fixtures all seemed winnable.

And then I spotted a run of games after that, including Chelsea, Liverpool and the derby against Manchester City. It seems unlikely that Evil José will still be in the job by then, but we must plough forward in hope more than anything.

Wolves (A)

For the trip to Wolves Evil José notices that Ashley Young is fully fit so decides to drop his star player, Eden “Right Wing-Back” Hazard. Wolves, meanwhile, opt for one of the most disgusting formations I have ever seen in the game, playing a 5-4-1 with two defensive midfielders.

Evil José makes a mental note to try it out.

Luke Shaw injures himself ‘trying to sprint’ within five minutes, so Evil José is forced to consult his bench. Hazard comes on to take his place whilst Ashley Young shifts across to play down the left. The first-half comes and goes with absolutely nothing of note happening other than Adama Traore continuing to hurtle down the right to either: a) smash a cross out of play or, b) just dribble it out of play by himself.

Fellaini hits the post with a header because that's what he always does.

In the second half United take the lead after perpetual heel-snapper Ander Herrera arrives to head home a Hazard cross. Rinse and repeat for the second, with Salomon Kalou proving himself an instant United hero (despite what the fans think) with his second goal in two games. Again, it all came through Hazard down the right.

Weirdly, this actually looks like it's working.

To see out the game Evil Jose copies Wolves' 5-4-1, pulls a strange face and cups his ear to the thick yam-yam sound of the Molineux.

That is, of course, before Hazard pulls up in the 89th minute with a calf problem and Evil José feels fear for perhaps the very first time in this virtual world.

After the game, United briefly move into a lofty second place.

There is little reaction to Hazard’s injury, with the virtual Twitter users trapped inside Football Manager’s dystopian universe seemingly more concerned by Shaw’s absence from the team. Both he and Hazard are out for several weeks.

Only the fantastically named Klevis Bytyqi and Antonio Joseph offer any levelheadedness by stating, respectively: “Ah no, that’s not good.” And “Well, what can you do?”.

Scarlett Larmond, meanwhile, professes to clairvoyance, claiming that she saw the injury coming a mile off, whilst Zack Nelson, the game’s most realistic interpretation of reactionary football Twitter, says: “What an absolute shambles this club is.”

Because Luke Shaw got injured.

Elsewhere, rivals Man City secure their first win of the season thanks to a hat-trick from Vincent Kompany. Of course.