So you’re a social justice warrior who wants to topple white supremacist cis-hetero-patriarchy, but you don’t want to try? Well, now you don’t have to! Keep your ideology and your actions safe and separate with these steps to be radical in a way that’s convenient for you. And spoiler alert, you don’t have to sacrifice anything at all!

Throw around the word “praxis”.

Do you know what “praxis” means? Trick question! Everyone knows what praxis means because it’s just something you feel in your heart. When Aziz Ansari said that everyone who believes men and women should have equal rights is a feminist? That was praxis. Everything Aziz Ansari has done and said since then? Not praxis, but that requires a sort of nuanced conversation that you don’t have the emotional strength for right now, nor do you have the time because you have to go to Lush. Going to Lush? Praxis!

Call yourself anti-racist.

Use the Aziz method and ask yourself, “Do you think racism is good or bad?” If you answered bad, congrats bitch, you’re anti-racist. Does this mean it’s time to unpack and attempt to alter the ways you as an individual may benefit from racism? Only intellectually. For example, this article has assumed a white audience without explicitly naming it, rendering whiteness invisible and contributing to its normalization and universalization. Wow. It’s really beautiful that you noticed that. You’re doing the best at anti-racism.

White men are bad.

We can all agree that white men are bad, right? This can be the crux of your radical identity. Any criticism of your actions can be turned onto the fact that white men are bad. This isn’t deflection; it’s an edifying redirection. Enjoy this one — you’ve really earned it. Remember George Bush? Yuck! Wow, that was easy!

Consider activism, then fall into nihilism.

You could engage more directly in social and political activism, but how can you ever know which cause is the very best use of your time, and if you can’t figure out which is the very best use of your time, then you may as well hang out in your room and order some paper towels from Amazon, right? And does anything even matter when you’re just one meaningless drop in an ocean of world fucked-up-edness? No.

So try out these tips to hone your radicalism, and remember, you don’t have to change or sacrifice anything. Like, it’s the corporations that have to change, right? And the billionaires? Yeah, fuck the billionaires! Bring out the guillotines! Haha but not really but you know.