Our Favorite Moments:

Miss Claudette’s Crime

After all the of rumors swirling around this lady’s crime and the glimpses we got of her back story, we weren’t convinced that she was as hardened a criminal as they made her out to be. Maybe her cleaning company just got caught up in some wonky tax evasion! Right? But when we saw her at the door of this dude’s apartment, we knew it was o.v.e.r. for him. Ice cold, Miss Claudette. Fantastic.

WASPs in Prison

Carol Chapman is the same ‘well-meaning’, passive aggressive, and impossible wealthy white mother who just can’t understand her daughter’s choices that we’ve seen in a million places. Except visiting a prison! OF COURSE she is scolding Piper about her waning fertility when she has fifteen months to sit in Litchfield. One thing this show does so excellently is place familiar characters, conversations, and dynamics in a place most of us can’t/never want to access. Yes, your mother will still be needling you about her imaginary grandchildren when you’re serving time. Some things never change.

Tastee BBQ

We really can’t add anything to the perfection that is this scene, except to say that we LOVE Tastee and are so glad she can’t handle life on the outside. Sorry, girl!

Alex in Dryer Purgatory

Despite the fact that it was under false pretenses, we kind of enjoyed watching Piper and Alex working together and getting their old dynamic back. Though we don’t generally support infidelity, Larry sucks and prison is boring and sad with no flirting, so go for it ladies! Another thing that makes this show gripping to watch is the fact that any genuine and poignant moments are still happening in a setting that seems absurd to us. Can we identify with being imprisoned for our drug running past? No. Can we identify with poor Alex, trapped and saying desperately “Don’t leave me!”? Fuck yes.

Red’s Withdrawal Remedies

We’ve seen fierce loyalty to Red from many of the girl since the first episode. They’re all perfectly willing to starve Piper out, and she rules the kitchen with an Iron Curtain (oops, we meant fist). We like that in this scene, we see part of why that is. Nicky puts up quite a front with everyone, from issues with her mom to her breakup with Morello, but we finally get to see why she is unquestionably devoted to Red, as well as the softer side of the sassy and hardass cook.

Boy Meets Troubled Girl

The flashbacks to Piper’s old life had shown us a lot of her relationship with Alex, and a lot of the “uptight” juice cleansing, prison survival guide reading, soap making hipster she became with Larry. We loved this scene because it showed us that she really did try on different lifestyles with her different relationships, and that safe Larry who orders Chinese (remember the scene with Polly before her wedding?) is a refuge from crazy Alex, whose life got to be way too much for Piper to live with, rather than some kind of natural soulmate connection.

Pageant Perfection

I mean, come on. What a fun beginning to an episode we knew couldn’t end well. Loved the different takes on Christmas, and the semi secret talents of the inmates coming to light (Hair’s Annie Golden singing for the win!). Nicky’s retelling of Red’s terrible joke was the highlight for us, and another reminder that Red is the mother she never had a functional relationship with.

Yoga Jones Confesses

We were big fans of Yoga Jones and her gravelly voice from episode one. When she punched Watson in the face we were both like “oh shit!” but also “oh...shit, what DID she do?” When she finally confessed and that poor earnest prison guard came in to try on her Tough New Attitude, it was the blend that this show does so well of hilarious and irreverent and heart wrenchingly sad.

And our new favorite quote to defend our...strong opinions? “I used to have a temper. Now I have a passion for justice.”