My husband, Benji, and I had a stupid fight over who should unpack the dishwasher today. It was so stupid.

It made me think about couples and how arguments are essential in relationships as they give us time to re-evaluate, reset and reconnect, even if the dishwasher was the trigger this time.

I was obviously in the right this time. So I thought.

I was not backing down. I stood my ground and was frustrated, saying something I didn’t mean to hurt him (this is a bad habit of mine when frustrated in an argument) and I wasn’t proud that I took myself there — again.

We were leaving the house when the fight started and neither of us likes walking away mad, so we gave each other an awkward hug and kinda made up in a forced way.

I knew that I had to stand my ground. I felt like he was in the wrong and I knew with some space and reflection, we could have a healthy conversation.

As we all know, it’s not just about “unloading the dishwasher.”

He came back to me an hour later with a great plan and an apology.

I love how he can do that. Time and space lets him re-evaluate. Takes a big person.

It felt good to stir the pot a little to get us uncomfortable to look at how we are both placed in the marriage at this time and how we can be better.

How to have a healthy argument

Avoiding going around in circles.

Be fair.

Don’t say things you will regret later because you were mad.

Don’t swear, raise your voice or demean the other person. If you do catch yourself in the moment, own it, apologize and try again.

Resolve every fight before you go to sleep or leave each other for the day.

If it’s a big fight, have some space but reassure your partner that you want to fix things, you just need time to cool down and collect your thoughts.

Own your mistakes and apologize.

Forgive and don’t rub in their wrongdoing once you have forgiven.

When calm, go over the issue again in a loving way, discuss what you can both do to feel better — negotiate until both your needs are met.

Learn from your mistakes — my lesson is don’t lash out in frustration to hurt someone. It’s just more mess you have to apologize for later. Plus it’s mean.

Remember, this is healthy if you let it be.

Don’t run from disagreements, which will only make things so much worse. Try to stay with it and work it out calmly.

Make-up sex is fun too.

Zoe Marshall is the co-host of the podcast “Meet the Marshalls.”