Streamfleet recently presented a well-hyped Boys vs Girls PvP battle endorsed by CCP Games, and spearheaded by EVE Online luminaries Manic Velocity and Rahne. The in-game battles proceeded as expected, and were widely streamed; but don’t miss Reload’s edited version on YouTube if you missed it live.

Round 1: Cruisers begin after Fleet Commanders spend several minutes reminding everyone to wait for the count down. The repeated chant “Spread Webs! Spread Webs!” finally devolves to “Web Something…” The commands are full of the double entendre so typical of EVE online: “Smoke them in the arse!” “Get on top of the primary!” Discipline breaks down, fleet combat transitions to a score of 1v1 fights, and progodlegend’s stream gets angry because “you approach too much.” A little salt, and plenty of gf in local.

Round 2: Destroyers highlight is discovery of a new mechanic. “(elo) Did you burn away with manual piloting?” “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” “That’s emergent gameplay, right there!”

Round 3: Kitchen sink is most notable for Korki’s classy exclamation, “I raped it!” and Frank the Bank eloquently bemoaning his friend’s untimely end, as he cries out in grief-filled anguish: “LEAVE ME FRIEND ALONE.”

Bonus Round: Manic Velocity vs Rahne is a classic case of the KISS (Keep It Simple, Streamer) principle, as Rahne destroys Manic by simply sending drones to attack his VNI, while Manic spends his time attempting to defang her VNI. Move along, nothing else to see here, folks.

The fights are good fun, and the banter is witty, but the real battle here isn’t happening in-game at all. The real battle is in the marketing, and that’s not simply an excuse to point out Manic Velocity’s collection of outstanding gifs for the event, although they’re epic.

Let’s take a look at the marketing, shall we?

Let New Eden decide the battle of the sexes.

The Girls and Boys of EVE Online forget all alliances and loyalties and fight for the pride of their Gender!

Capsuleers all across New Eden are being invited to join their Captains

and fight for the bragging rights in the first ever Gender battle of EVE.

In the blue corner, we have the boys – “Nine Inch Males” – Lead by Manic Velocity, the man with the most punchable face in New Eden.

In the red corner, we have the girls – “Waifus with Knifus” – Lead by Rahne, lover of squirrels, (bad) karaoke and (bad) dancing.

What could be wrong with this? Everyone knows Manic and Rahne are good buddies. Even Mrs. Velocity approves. It’s just good clean fun, right?

What about persons who identify as Genderqueer, Non-Binary, and the like? Where do you stand if you’re neither blue nor red, but a lovely shade of white or purple? What if labeling yourself as “boy” or “girl” makes you want to just go mine in High-Sec? Who do these people get to shoot in the face? Why are these persons excluded from the PEW PEW?! Sure, persons of all gender identifications were welcome on either team, but it’s one thing to be a welcome guest, and another to have a place of your own.

FOR BOB’S SAKE PEOPLE, THIS IS YC 120!!!

It’s time for a do-over, Streamfleet.

It’s time to make a place for our friends who identify as neither girl, nor boy.

It’s time for a third way.

Genderqueer persons of New Eden, rise up! Train your Bomb Deployment to IV, and demand Battle of the Sexes II: Red, Blue, and Purple!

Cyno UP, my genderqueer friends! JUMP JUMP JUMP! No need to cloak, you are free to fly in plain sight now! Let fly the bombs at Red and Blue, and come what may! Overheat your drones, and anchor on Logi! Not Purple? Shoot it!

Help us, Bomber’s Bar, you are our only hope!