Sitting in the newly renovated Tick Tock Diner last month, I was confused.

It didn’t feel like the place my parents took me to dozens of times growing up. It didn’t feel like I was eating in a Garden State stalwart — the place I took out-of-towner friends when I wanted to show them a true New Jersey diner experience.

I felt like I was lost in “The Body Snatchers" universe, where pod people were trying to pass off the iconic Route 3 locale as a fancy brunch restaurant.

“No, please! Not that! Anything but ... the avocado toast!”

It’s true, fellow greasy spoon sympathizers: the incessant wave of craft everything and Instagram-able food trends has come for New Jersey diners. The food institution most synonymous with our identity appears in the midst of an identity crisis itself. And I, for one, cannot deal with it.

I will not stand idly by as the line continues blur — as more and more New Jersey diners imitate bougie boutique restaurants. Some are opening up with the intention of doing so. See the Chit Chat Diner with locations in Hackensack and West Orange, which describes itself as “an upscale diner” and “chic" — oxymorons, both. Even more disheartening is seeing institutional diners like the Tick Tock Diner in Clifton and Brownstone Diner and Pancake Factory in Jersey City pandering to the fancy brunch crowd by changing both their menus and interiors. What’s next, vegan Taylor ham?

In many ways, these competing styles are diametrically opposed. Diners are usually more consistent and affordable. The food there may not be the best thing you’ve ever tasted, but it gets the job done. Brunch spots, on the other hand, tend to be high-risk, high-reward. You’re more likely to be wowed by some ridiculous French toast concoction, but also more likely to be disappointed — and you’re almost certainly going to wait longer and pay more.

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My two visits to the new Tick Tock were unimpressive, to put it gently, with a new dining room that felt more like a fancy cafeteria than a diner, and food that seemed more concerned with sounding good than tasting good. Brownstone, now known as Life Pancake Company, has done a better job of balancing old classics with new inventive dishes and the decor is warm and inviting. No, it doesn’t really feel like a diner anymore. But to be fair, owner Zoe Bournia said back in November that her vision was for the eatery to become more of a modern restaurant — and diner is no longer in the restaurant’s name. My trip to Chit Chat in West Orange was fine but forgettable, with whimsical decor and a fancier menu — coconut shrimp, quinoa breakfast bowls or pesto chicken sandwiches anyone? — that made the restaurant feel like a diner in name only.

Let’s not mince words: Diners aren’t for fancy food. They aren’t for Snapchat-able milkshakes that are so stacked with toppings you have to take them apart to actually start, you know, drinking them. In fact, some of the best diners don’t have Instagram accounts, or any web presence at all (what a thought!). When I first saw Tick Tock Diner had avocado toast, I didn’t think it was a menu. I thought it was a meme. But it wasn’t so funny when the dish was disappointing — it was just a bummer and furthered my concerns that the diner had lost its way, trying to become something it is not.

Tick Tock should perhaps look to another revered North Jersey spot — Tops Diner in East Newark — for some guidance on mastering both standard and “trendy” diner fare. The chicken and waffles at Tops are absolutely terrific. Meanwhile, Tick Tock seems to have forgotten how to make a decent Taylor ham, egg and cheese. If you can’t nail the staples, I don’t want to see you trying to make lemon ricotta pancakes, deal?

Sure, the restaurant business is insanely difficult, and I won’t pretend to know how these diners are doing financially. Perhaps the old school, no-frills diner style simply wasn’t paying the bills and they needed to make a change to stay open. Then again, the wait to get a table at Brownstone was always notoriously long, and while that may not have been the case for Tick Tock, it never felt like a struggling restaurant — especially not during football season, when Jets and Giants fans packed the diner before and after games.

Hopefully these fancy flourishes are anomalies, and not the beginning of an even larger trend. There’s a reason Taylor ham, not avocado toast, is New Jersey’s favorite breakfast. Don’t forget it, diners.

Jeremy Schneider may be reached at jschneider@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @J_Schneider. Find NJ.com on Facebook

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