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The American Government has today announced plans to join Australia in efforts to improve public understanding of England’s intense colonisation of the Pacific.

In a quick diversion from the hysteria surrounding the US Government shut down and those Catholic school kids in Washington, President Trump has today announced plans to designate $50.00 from the federal budget to pay an English actor to pretend to die in a hail of spears on the shores of Hawaiʻi.

President Trump’s announcement follows on from Prime Minister Morrison’s announcement that it is time for the world to pay even respect to the achievements of British naval explorer, Captain James Cook.

On Tuesday the Prime Minister announced his plans to give $6.7 million to the Australian National Maritime Museum so its replica of Endeavour can circumnavigate the country, stopping at 39 different spots that Captain Cook never visited along the way.

The funding for the trip is part of a $48.7-million package to commemorate 250 years since Captain Cook’s arrival, out of fear that not enough Australians remember the story of Captain Cook after spending six years learning about him in primary school.

However, it appears the American re-enactments will be much shorter and much less expensive – as Cook’s two visits to Hawaii were rather brief. And ended quite suddenly when the native Hawaiians turned his head inside out with spears after he walked past the tide lines at Kealakekua Bay after being specifically warned not to.

In a peculiar turn of events, the rest of the world appeared to agree with Donald Trump when he said: “This will be the greatest re-enactment of Captain Cook’s journey to the Pacific, ever. The best. Australia’s one will be boring and expensive. Sad”