Strax to Sontar. Strax to Sontar!

FIELD REPORT F345/C.

Glorious news! I have successfully infiltrated an organization which appears to be The Doctor’s spy network! Made up of a mere few puny humans, this group calls themselves “Doctor Who Watch.” Why The Doctor would put such confidence in this gaggle of googly-eyed creatures, or trust them with any sensitive intelligence at all, is beyond my understanding. It must be a symptom of that disease “compassion.” Or perhaps it is a function of the disgusting, well-known soft spot that The Doctor possesses for the inhabitants of Earth.

… Although if you think about it, much of The Doctor is disgusting and soft, not just the one spot…

… Which makes him ideal for smashing into tiny bits with a mighty Sontaran fist!… or blasting into tiny bits with a pulse rifle!… or blowing into tiny bits with a grenade!

… Ah, what was I saying? Oh yes!

These “Watchers,” however, are extremely efficient at gathering any and all information relating to our esteemed enemy, The Doctor. They then place this wealth of data into one central location, which they call a “web sight.” This “web sight” is part of a much larger network, called an “EnterNet,” which is constantly updated from around their entire planet throughout all hours of their standard solar cycle.

Felis Catus. credit: freestockphotos.biz

… It also contains an alarming number of photographs of an animal the humans call felis catus. I don’t see what their fascination is with this creature: it is small and furry and fragile, and sleeps most of the day. It is completely useless. Its only redeeming qualities are its needle teeth and razor claws, which are quite effective at shredding human flesh when it becomes agitated. In fact, upon the Sontaran invasion of Earth, our warriors should consider weaponizing these specimens of felis catus. If sufficiently irritated, clutched in the fist, and hurled at the faces of our enemies, they might yet prove serviceable as adequate tools of war.

Yes, yes, I can see these furry fists of fury now… Oh right! But back to these “Watchers!” As soon as I learned about this valuable source of intelligence, I knew that I must gain insider access for the glory of the Sontaran Empire! It was not an easy task, as it required a great deal of speaking to the skinny humans without blasting them into an easily disposable broth. But I believe that the great restraint which I mustered in not immediately melting them with acid has proven useful.

At least for the time being.

I have tricked them into thinking that I am just another weakling human who wishes to stay informed about The Doctor’s doings and whereabouts at all times. The mere thought of being one of those fleshy, oblong humans makes me shudder with revulsion, but the deception is necessary. For now.

I have infiltrated the ranks of these “Watchers,” and am in the process of setting up a direct link from their reserves of information about The Doctor to Sontaran databanks. This intelligence should greatly increase the efficiency of destruction which the Empire will rain down upon The Doctor and his pathetic human companions. We can now pinpoint the exact locations of his whereabouts and predict his strategy with greater accuracy.

Very soon now we will have The Doctor, and then we will crush him and all his boney human friends into pulp!

For the glory of the Sontaran Empire!

SONTAR-HA!

APRIL FOOL’S!

Alas, Strax has not infiltrated our ranks. Although if he were to show up one day on this “web sight,” I’d love to meet him!

What do you think of Strax? Would you like to see him or other Sontarans make another appearance on Doctor Who?