Remember the action figures from your childhood? The ones that gave you hours of unbridled entertainment? As it turns out, some of it was so crappy it borders on depressing.

The action figure industry is based on one idea: that young boys don't exactly have high standards when it comes to quality.

5 Rambo

When a toy manufacturer markets an action figure based off a crazed killing machine, we have to assume they aimed it at children who were told bedtime stories that started off with "So, there I was... knee-deep in Charlie guts... "

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Or maybe, as brutally violent as the films are, John Rambo still appeals to the 8-year-old in all of us. He rebels against a world that, as Will Smith said best, parents just don't understand. We all felt like Rambo at one time or another, just wanting to go over to our friend's house to play, causing us to throw a murderous temper tantrum so monumentally destructive no amount of time-out can clean the blood from our hands, unless it involves a 4-by-4 concrete cell and a bucket in which to defecate. Figuratively.

Worst Toy in the Line:

This honor actually goes to two horrendously designed figures. First, there's the Rambo figure (appropriately named "Rambo") which is strapped with oodles of killing mechanisms, none which can disguise the fact that he looks like a greased-up cage dancer that just wants to bump and grind his shell-shock away.

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Then there is the "RAMBO ONE-MAN ASSULT JET" which is more Rambo then jet.

There is something inherently wrong when you see a man piloting a jet that has replaced a conventional cockpit glass dome with a plastic welding visor, and the typical flight suit with a more breathable shirtless look. When you see a man flying at you in a vehicle that offers about as much protection as a Harley-Davidson, you know the bare-chested psycho steering the thing doesn't care about his own life but, rather, the amount of people-chunks that will inevitably obstruct his view of the slaughter.

Also, the jet, like most of these Rambo toys, is loaded to the sweaty mullet with unnecessary missiles, grenade launchers and guns, all of which goes against the underdog spirit of the whole franchise. All Rambo really needs is an ejector seat and a survival knife with which to rain steel justice upon those of the evil persuasion. In the first movie, the only weapon he's given at the outset of the movie is the fucking forest. This is why a Rambo toy line is so ill-conceived. To make money, every action figure needs tie-in toys, bad ass, death-weilding versions of the Barbie Dream House. But the only Rambo toy you should really need is John Rambo. To put it another way, it's tough to justify tie-in toys when your protagonist only needs his bare hands to punch someone's head off.