Dating an older guy can be flat out awesome. Something about capturing the attention of an older man just makes you feel so damn special! They’re more refined and experienced than your same-age counterparts and seem so elusive and mysterious. They’re sexy, often gentlemanly, and are generally financially stable enough to always pick up the check. But how can you make age gap relationships work?

The last couple guys I’ve dated were 7 years older than me. One of the relationships crashed and burned within a month or two, and the other is still going strong a year in. These two dating episodes are by far my favorite relationship experiences, so I highly recommend accepting a date with an older guy if you have the chance. But if you do, there are definitely some things you need to watch out for.

1. Trust your instincts. Sometimes an older man may be charming for no other reason than to get in your pants. If that’s what you want too, go for it—but if you’re looking for an eventual relationship, it’s safer to listen to your gut. You’ll usually be able to sense deep down whether a long-term relationship is feasible or not.

2. You have to be on the same “level”. Before you head into anything serious, be sure to take a step back and look at where this man is in life (and where he’s headed, if he hasn’t gotten to where he wants to be yet). Is this the direction you’ve been looking to go in life? Is there too much of a gap in maturity level? These are incredibly important red flags to watch out for.

3. Don’t change yourself. Being completely honest with yourself is SO important for dating and relationships. But when it comes to dating someone who is largely different than yourself in some way (such as someone who’s older), it’s easy to fall into the trap of fooling yourself that the person you think he wants is the direction you want to head in life. If you feel the need to change course from what you’ve always wanted to do, or have to hide some aspect of yourself from him, you’re in dangerous territory. Be strong and stay true to who you are!

4. Don’t hope to change him. This goes for any relationship, but especially for someone older. Say you want 3 kids and he’s mentioned that he wants none. NEVER think you can make him change his mind! Even if it’s not quite so major an issue as children, don’t assume you can convert him to your point of view when it comes to anything that’s important to you. Older guys (and many younger men, for that matter) know what they want in life, so if the two of you don’t want the same things, don’t waste your time pursuing anything serious. It’ll only lead to disaster!

These cautions are things I’ve had to learn the hard way, but luckily, in my second round of dating an older guy, I took these lessons to heart. I chose not to settle for anyone who didn’t match my relationship wants and needs, and I couldn’t be happier because of it. I hope you choose the same!

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