Story highlights "The Normal Bar" aims to get couples talking about their sex lives

Survey shows 86% of all men and women are intrigued by having kinky sex

Expert: It's hard not to wonder how we match up to other couples in bed

How does your sex life measure up? That's the central premise of "The Normal Bar," a new book by Chrisanna Northrup and sociologists Pepper Schwartz and James Witte.

Based on the responses of an Internet survey of some 70,000 people, "The Normal Bar" endeavors to ease people's concerns about their sexual relationships by providing readers with an idea of what's "normal" for most couples -- from how often they have sex, to how sexually adventurous they are, to how they romance each other outside the bedroom.

"It isn't about a 98.6 kind of normal -- just the normal of exceptionally happy couples (gay and straight) and what we can learn from them," Schwartz says.

One juicy nugget -- 86% of all men and women are intrigued by having kinky sex. "This just goes to show that both men and women want to be kept on their toes," says Patty Brisben , sex educator and entrepreneur. "I can't think of any couple who would be 'satisfied' with predictable sex for the same reason people don't watch the same movie every weekend: There's no mystery, no excitement."

Sexuality counselor Ian Kerner writes about sexual health and relationships for CNN.

Admittedly it's hard to resist checking out how we match up to other people between the sheets. "Couples that come into my practice with complaints about their sex life are often comparing themselves to a rather unrealistic and fictitious standard," Dr. Sue Varma says. "They have grown up watching Hollywood flicks believing that bedroom passion should be spontaneous."

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