ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A flying rat that was run over and killed in Rugby Australia’s carpark has been found to be working harder for the game than anybody else in the building adjacent to its rotting corpse.

The pigeon, who found its way under some board member’s Range Rover earlier this week, has also attracted a number of neighbourhood cats to the carpark.

Speaking exclusively to The Advocate this afternoon, the deceased pigeon explained that there’s a lot of ‘dead wood’ in the organisation and removing it has been his first priority after finding himself at the sport’s headquarters.

“Everybody is on a contract,” said Pigeon.

“And we can’t afford to pay the hopeless people in this organisation out the rest of their contracts so we’re stuck with them for now,”

“Which is only half the problem. Aside from arguably the competition’s best player at the moment telling the world that gay people should be burnt to death, there’s a whole other raft of issues that me, a dead pigeon, can’t fix on my own.”

The first round of the Super Rugby competition begins this week and the diligent pigeon says Rugby Australia’s marketing team has once again done a stellar job telling sports fans around the country.

“The fact these people draw a salary is borderline criminal at this point,” said the pigeon.

“You know what, fuck it. I’m done. I hope by this time next week, I’m a piece of cat shit in a primary school sand pit.”

More to come.