WOLF BLITZER: “Republican Candidate XYZ: How would you handle the ISIS situation?”

REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE XYZ “You just gotta be tough. I talked to my dog walker last night and he told me his sister’s friend Katy had another Mexican Muslim baby. What’s going on? They’re entering our country through the wombs of innocent Americans. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton caused the Black Death of 1666. Millions of innocent people croaked big old bubes popping all over. They did it as a joke. Tough. Strong. Sock it to ’em, baby. That’s what Putin needs are tough socks in his wing wang. Don’t cut me off. You ever hear “Boolie Boolie” by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs? Lot of good foreign policy in that song. I rode on the back of a shark from Havana to Miami. What do ya mean? I’m answering the question. Senator Cruz propositions young men in public toilets. That’s what he does while our brave servicemen and women are dying like flies on shit. Stop with the bell, goddamn it. When I’m president I’ll crucify terrorist leaders Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, Bill, Chelsea, Michelle, her two kids and her mother. Then I’ll pop open the skulls of all the bad children.

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