Lacy is a 33-year-old choreographer. Two years ago she joined the popular sugar daddy website Seeking Arrangement, hoping to make some extra cash and have some fun in the process. Somehow, though, she managed to meet a string of the strangest sugar daddies on the internet… or maybe she’s the one who’s strange? Either way, these are not your typical sugar experiences… By Karley Sciortino

Karley: Why did you become a sugar baby?

Lacy: I had just moved to LA, and I was getting my hair dyed, and I was complaining to my hairdresser like, “I’m broke! I’m horny!” and she was like “You can kill two birds with one stone!” And then she told me about Seeking Arrangement. So I got on the site, and the first guy I met was a total douchebag—a gross, short Jewish guy. He made all his money from gas stations. Before we met he wouldn’t send me a picture of himself because he was married, but he said “I promise I’m somewhere between Shrek and Brad Pitt.” And when I got there he was so Shrek. But for some reason the idea that I would fuck this gross guy for money started to turn me on. He had a wife and two young kids, and apparently the wife desperately wanted to have sex with him, but he wouldn’t do it because after they had kids he became turned off by her. Just a total scumbag, ya know?

Eww.

I know. And so he was like, “Let’s go smoke a joint in my Porsche.” And then we went back to my house, which I never would have imagined myself to do so quickly. We started making out and rolling around under the Christmas tree, and before we started having sex I was like “Are you going to pay me?” And he was like “I’ve got $300.” And I’m like “That’s it!?” But then we just did it, because even though it was bullshit money I found the experience thrilling. I’m generally into taboo in my sex life, and having sex for money was something I’d had many fantasies about, but had never tried, so I just wanted to experience it. I never saw him again.

Was the sex good?

Uh, he had a big fat stomach, so it was hard to get any traction, you know? But when he went down on me it was really great.

Who was the next guy you met?

Next I started talking to this “spanker.” He was old enough to be my grandfather. I met him at Jerry’s Famous Deli in the Valley. He was a lawyer, and I and was like “What case are you working on?” and he said “I’m doing the NFL concussion case right now… for the NFL.” I was like, “Really?! Gross!” We got into a fight about it.

So you left?

No, we got a hotel and it was really weird. He spanked me, which was hot, but I wanted something more elaborate—to be bent over the desk or something—but he was pretty vanilla, and then we both told each other erotic stories and masturbated.

I’m actually a big fan of mutual masturbation while dirty talking.

Yeah, but this one got really weird because he started telling me this story about when he was in Vietnam, and how he killed all these people, and how if he could go back in time he wouldn’t have done that now. And I’m like “Why am I telling you this?! I’m trying to cum!” And he flipped out, and then we took separate showers and he gave me $700 and then I never saw him again.

LOL. Was he a million years old?

Basically. I think he was 70. He could only barely get a boner and took a long time to come.

Have you ever met anyone non-tragique on SA?

There was one guy I met early on, and we had a really nice lunch at the London Hotel in West Hollywood. He gave me $200 just for having lunch. The next time we had a drink in a hotel room and talked for an hour, and then he was like, “Lacy, Lacy, you’re going to call me and say ‘Come lick my pussy, give me all your money!’” Then he went down on me for literally 20 seconds, and then got up and was like, “OK I gotta go to work.”

Weird. Did you ever sleep with him?

No. He was more into these twisted, psychological games. Like once he asked me to come to his hotel room and pretend to be his wife while he was on a date with a 19-year-old sugar baby. He offered me $1000 for it. So I go in screaming, like, “I know you’re in there with some slut!” Security comes. Eventually they let me into the room. I find her in the bathroom and I’m like, “How old is she?! She’s like twelve years old!” I’m screaming, she’s crying. It just goes on and on. And then eventually it gets awkward, and I’m like… “Eh?” And then everyone starts laughing, and they guy’s like “Hahah, she’s in on it too!” So he was really setting me up. And I’m like “What was the point in this!?” And then I showed her pictures of my art and we talked about New York.

That’s bizarre. But obviously you were enjoying all of these experiences enough to keep doing it, right?

The thrill is fun. And I was really sexually frustrated in LA. I’d go out to bars and meet these wasted skaters, or skinny guys who worked in like vegan fashion or whatever—everyone was awful, basically. The sex wasn’t gratifying, and I ultimately found the sugar dating more fun and interesting, plus I got paid. Plus the sex was sometimes good. I was really into it at first. I only ever had one bad experience.

What was the bad experience?

Well, I basically made the bad decision of agreeing to an “arrangement” before meeting him in person. He was in New York and was coming to LA for a business trip, spending two nights in this really beautiful hotel. We had texted a lot and Skyped twice, and he seemed really good. But in reality, you can never tell if you want to fuck someone until you meet them in person. And when I met him at his hotel he went into a major shame spiral, and was smoking so much pot, and just being really annoying. I was trying to hold out and change the mood, but on the second day I kind of flipped out on him—we got into a screaming match. Meanwhile I had only charged him a thousand dollars for two nights. This was very early on, and I didn’t how much I was underpricing myself in the beginning. He paid me, but afterward I took a really long hot bath and sobbed in the tub.

That sucks. When was the moment when you realized that you were under pricing yourself?

Basically, after a guy offered me $1000 for one meeting, it’s hard to go back to taking significantly less than that. And ultimately being a sugar baby is time consuming—these guys want so much attention. Even if you only technically have sex for an hour, there’s also time spent hanging out, texting, putting yourself in a sexy mood beforehand, etc. And fuck it—these guys have a lot of money.

What do you wear the first time you meet these guys?

In the beginning I would put on thigh highs and a little dress, probably heels—I wanted to look sexy, and in a way I wanted to look like a cliche of a prostitute. If you walk into a hotel bar dressed like that in the middle of the day, people get what’s going on, and I was kind of into that. But now I’m lazy as shit. I know what I’m worth, and I don’t feel like I have to perform as much. I’ll look nice, of course, but I’ll wear like wear white jeans, or maybe a plaid skirt, usually loafers.

A friend of mine who has been an escort for almost 30 years—she’s in her 50s now—once told me that it’s best to look sexy, but also professional, like you could be coming from work—sensible heels and a blazer vibes—because a lot of these guys are married or have powerful jobs, and they won’t see you again if you’re a red flag in public, ya know?

That’s true. There’s also a market on Seeking Arrangement for indie girls—”artist types.” Guys like to think you’re young and creative. They also like it when you’re smart. They usually assume you’re an idiot, so if you reference one book they’re like, “Wow!”

So they’re not all looking for the Agent Provocateur/Louboutins/high class escort fantasy?

No. Literally one day I started talking to this neurobiologist on the site. I was in bed in a nightgown, I had just started my period, was bleeding everywhere, and it was raining so I was in bed watching a beaver documentary, and I was like “Do you want to come over?” And he came over and finished this beaver documentary with me and then we had sex and he paid me $700.

I don’t know how to respond to that. What’s the most money you’ve ever made on SA?

The most money was from a guy from the site who I ended up sort of casually dating. We would go on trips together, I met his friends, etc. Then one time he was in Vegas and he calls me and says, “I won $10,000 on blackjack. It’s all for you baby!” And I’m clearly freaking out.” So when I see him he showers money on my body, because he knows I’m really into that, but in the end he only gives me $2,500. I was like… “Um, OK, so when you said the $10K was for me, that wasn’t true?” And he said, “You know you’re going to get all the money eventually—it’s for you eventually.” And I said, “Alright, cool.” But then I ate some weed chocolate and got super high, and I was in the bathtube plotting like, “I need to get all the money, mwahaha…” Like a maniac. So I got out of the bath and climbed on top of him and I was like, “You should give me all the money, it would be way sexier.” And we had an hour long discussion about it, until he gave me all the money

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