Aginor and his 12 deaths of Silliness

(Originally posted on blacktower.net)

Sometime after the events of Winters Heart…

DO: So Aginor, you and me have to have a little chat.

Aginor: Yes Great Lord.

DO: You have been killed twice now and for still for some reason I have not sent you to Shaidar Haren for an ass raping, I am wondering why that is. Do you know why that is?

Aginor: No Great Lord. Cause you like me best?

DO: Well no… Shaidar Haren told me he thinks your ass is to big and fat and not his style, but if you keep fucking up an ass raping you will get understand?

Aginor: Yes Great Lord. I look forward to it… oh I mean I will not fail you again.

DO: Now first you died trying to kill Al'Thor, you just got out you were power hungry I can sort of understand that. But what the Hell was were you thinking at Shadar Logoth? I mean what the fuck was that?

Aginor: It was not my fault great lord.

DO: How so?

Aginor: Nobody informed me that I was being attack and I was given no warning, they cheated.

*The Dark One shakes his head*

DO: Shut up, I don't care I have something for you to do now.

Aginor: Give me a second great lord I need to get a pen and paper I want to take notes.

DO: Are you joking?

Aginor: Nope heres my pen.

*Aginor holds up his pen and paper and smiles*

DO: Ok if that will get you not to screw up fine. Here is the plan.

*Aginor mumbles as he tries to scribble some notes*

Aginor: A moment great Lord my pen seems to not be working.

*Aginor Shakes his pen up and down and looks into the tip*

DO: What are you doing stop that right now and listen.

*Aginor shakes the pen harder*

Aginor: But I need my notes or I will…

*Aginor Stabs himself through the eye with his pen and drops to the floor dead*

*The dark one turns to Shaidar Haren*

DO: Did you just see that shit?

*SH shrugs his shoulders*

DO: God Damn it, I will be back in an hour I have to revive him again.

*Two hours later*

DO: Shut up and listen Aginor.

*Aginor looks around confused*

Aginor: Sure Dude.

DO: WHAT?

Aginor: oh Shit, I mean, Yes oh Great Lord of the Dark.

DO: That’s better, Ok no Raping again this time we don't have time but Moridin has you in a mindtrap now.

Aginor: Ok one second need my pen.

*Moridin shakes his head*

Moridin: No pen this time.

Aginor: Pencil?

Moridin: No.

Aginor: Crayon?

Moridin: Just stand there and listen and do what your told.

Aginor: Yes Boss man.

DO: I swear he loses brain cells every revival. Ok Listen up Aginor I am going to give you a simple mission to get your feet wet ok?

Aginor: Yes great Lord.

DO: I want you to go into the blight and check out how things are going out there, just a status report that’s all then come back here and tell us how were doing with Trollocs and such, sound easy enough?

Aginor: Oh yes great Lord I can do that.

DO: Ok Good get on your way then Moridin, Shaidar Haren and I have things to talk about.

Aginor: As you say great Lord it shall be done.

*Moridin Whispers to Shaidar Haren*

Moridin: I bet you 50 gold pieces he dies within ten minutes.

SH: I think even he can last ten. You're on.

*Aginor opens a gateway and turns to the Dark One*

Aginor: I shall not fail you again Great Lord you shall see that…

*A Lion Jumps through Aginors Gateway eats him whole and jumps back through as the gateway disappears*

*Moridin's and Shaidar Harens mouths hang open*

DO: Ok, where the hell did that Lion come from? I mean how does that happen, who would that happen to?

Moridin: I don't know Great Lord, but I must say that was pretty cool.

*Moridin gives a chuckle*

DO: Shut it, Bloody hell I will be back in an hour.

Moridin & SH: Yes Great Lord.

*Shaidar Haren Hands Moridin 50 Gold pieces*

*Hours Later*

Aginor: So what’s with your face dude?

*Pokes Shaidar Haren where his eyes should be*

SH: Don't

Aginor: I mean you have no eyes, can you see? You look weird man I wouldn't want to look like that.

*Pokes Shaidar Haren Again*

SH: I Said Don't.

*Pokes again*

Aginor: Why don't have any eyes I can't be hurting you, poke, poke, poke, poke.

*Keeps poking Shaidar Haren*

SH: Stop it.

*Shaidar Haren growls*

Aginor: Whoa their doggy I'm only messing with you super ugly dude.

*Aginor Pats SH on the head*

SH: That’s it.

*Shaidar Haren Rams his fist through Aginors Stomach*

SH: How’s that feel numb nuts?

Aginor: Umm not so good thank you very much.

*Aginor Dies*

*The Dark One enters the room*

DO: Ok what the fuck? You were supposed to watch him.

SH: Great lord he was poking my face where my eyes should be, and he called me Doggy and ugly.

DO: You’re my doggy, and you are ugly.

SH: He still shouldn't have said it only you can.

DO: You have a point, but you still could have raped him or something.

SH: But I don't like his ass.

DO: What’s your Deal?

SH: I don't know.

*Shaidar Haren Shrugs*

DO: You want to go revive him this time?

SH: I can't revive people.

DO: No shit!! Dumbass, Don't kill him again I have been bringing him back all day. I’m going to miss my 9am tee off with Mr. T cause of you.

*Shaidar Haren Laughs*

SH: That’s pretty funny Shai'tan you suck at golf.

DO: WHAT?

SH: oh umm ahhh, ummm I meant Great Lord of the Dark, you are a fabulous golf.

DO: That’s better, not that it matters I won't be golfing today.

*The Dark One Growls*

SH: It won't happen again Great lord.

DO: Good, Aren't you late for something, I thought I put Graendal in a room for you?

SH: Yes its past time for her Raping.

DO: Well run along Doggy, I will see you in an hour or so.

*Several Hours later, Aginor Enters the Pit of Doom*

Aginor: Big Do I have an idea for you.

DO: Did you just call me Big DO?

Aginor: Yeah, but it was meant as a complement

DO: oh, well ok then, continue.

Aginor: Well after you revived me again I was sitting on the floor, eating bugs and I got an idea. The last battle is coming up right?

DO: Yes, idiot what do you think were doing here planning a picnic?

Aginor: Well since I’m the master of creating Shadowspawn I figured I would take my notes, and go back to the drawing board. I was thinking something with Trollocs Strength, a Myrddraals Speed, a Draghkars Wings, and a Darkhounds Teeth. I would call these Creatures fluffy.

DO: Fluffy?

Aginor: Yes fluffy.

DO: Why fluffy.

Aginor: No reason, I just like it. Fear the Fluffy, sends a chill down my back.

DO: Aginor I must say I am impressed, you think you can do this?

Aginor: Positive Great Lord, with your permission of course.

DO: Get to work on these new Shadowspawn right away, this is the sort of thing I have been looking for from you Aginor, if you are able to create these new Shadowspawn I can see you moving up in the ranks of the forsaken very…

*Aginor Spontaneously catches flame and burns to death*

DO: Quickly… I should be mad but that was pretty cool, and now I am talking to myself.

*DOs Waiting room*

SH: Comfortable?

Aginor: Why yes, thank you.

*Aginor eats a Bug*

SH: Listen up From this day forward you will be known as Dikwad, for that is what you are a Dikwad.

Dikwad: Hmmm Aginor Dikwad I like it.

SH: No just Dikwad

Dikwad: Mr. Dikwad then.

SH: No Just Dikwad.

Dikwad: Just Dikwad?

SH: Yes.

Dikwad: Can I have a pen?

SH: No

Dikwad: Can I have some food?

SH: No, you seem to be enjoying the bugs.

Dikwad: Can I leave?

SH: No

Dikwad: Well Can I go to the bathroom? Is that allowed?

SH: Yes, you may use the facilities

*Dikwad Gets up and walks to the bathroom and opens the door*

Dikwad: You? No!!!

*A Lion leaps from the toilet and bites off Dikwads head. Then Jumps back into the toilet and disappears*

*Shaidar Haren does a double take*

SH: Where does that Lion keep coming from?

*Cyndane rushes in*

Cyndane: No, No, No he did not just do that.

*Walks over to Dikwads body, does some weaves and gives Dikwad a new head and revives him*

Dikwad: What’s going on?

Cyndane: You just stole my scene.

Dikwad Huh?

Cyndane: You? No!!! Remember? That’s what Asmodean said before I killed him.

Dikwad: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Cyndane: that’s why your name is Dikwad, DIKWAD.

*Cyndane Blows Dikwads head off*

SH: how did you do that?

Cyndane: Do what?

SH: The thing with the head and the other stuff.

Cyndane: oh umm that, well ya see, hey look behind you it’s a camel.

SH: What’s a camel?

Cyndane: Never mind, ummm hey it’s a monkey.

SH: Oh I like monkeys, where is it?

*Cyndane runs off*

SH: Shit, that monkey thing gets me every time.

*Later in the Pit of Doom the Dark One lines up his Chosen and Shaidar Haren. *

DO: Ok Everyone listen up this is the Master plan I had Moridin set in motion many many years ago.

*Aginor Farts*

*Aginor Explodes*

*Moridin and Shaidar Haren drop to the ground and start Laughing*

Moridin: He did it again I can not fucking believe it.

SH: That’s the second time today what an idiot.

*the other forsaken look around confused*

DO: Get up you two this shit isn't funny.

DO: What are the three things I always tell you when you come here. 1. Don't Channel in here its freaks me out and I’m jumpy right now, it’s a good way to get dead. 2. Don't talk back to me I don't need any of your fucking lip. 3. DO NOT FUCKING FART IN THE PIT OF DOOM OR YOU WILL EXPLODE!!! DID YOU ALL THINK I WAS LYING? LOOK HE EXPLODED… AGAIN DAMMIT AGAIN TWO TIMES TODAY. Shit I will be back.

*Moridin Chuckle*

DO: Fuck you, your just my number one bitch, that’s all, remember that… bitch.

*Moridin Frowns*

*Demandred Chuckles*

*Back in the Pit of Doom Later that night.*

*Demandred walks in*

DO: and no more farting, you hear me…. Ahh Demandred, good timing. Aginor I have given Demandred here your mindtrap.

Demandred: umm I don't want him he’s a pest, he dies all the time, and I don't like him.

The DO takes a whiny tone: I don't want him. I don't want him.

DO: Did I ask you? Take off your fussy pants and shut the fuck up. Give him something to do.

Demandred: Aginor come here… Aginor? Hey you in the black over there come here.

*Aginor Points at himself*

Aginor: who me?

Demandred: Yeah you Jesus, your name is Aginor isn't it.

Aginor: No my name is Dikwad, cause that is what I am a Dikwad.

Demandred: Ok whatever makes you happy Dumbass.

Dikwad: Dikwad

Demandred: What?

Dikwad: You called me Dumbass I am Dikwad.

Demandred: No I called you A Dumbass, Stupid.

Dikwad: Dikwad.

Demandred: What?

Dikwad: You called me Stupid and I am Dikwad, and I am not a Dumbass I am A Dikwad, get it straight Second Place.

*Demandred Looks Shocked*

Demandred: Second Place? Fuckin' Bitch I will kill you.

Dikwad: Dikwad, Not Fuckin' Bitch, Damn Second Place I thought you were smart I was told…

*Demandred Gives gives Dikwad a pencil*

*Dikwad Smiles and Jams it in his Eye an kills himself*

Demandred: What an Idiot.

DO: How we doing in here… I see. Leave Now or you will be dead.

Demandred: But My Lord…

DO: What’s the second rule in the Pit of Doom?

Demandred: Don't talk back to you. You don't want my lip.

DO: Yeah that rule was made for you, run along go use some of your proxies or something; I have to go revive someone.

*Aginor Sits in the DO’s waiting room thinking to himself*

Aginor: I have already died 11 times in this life 9 times today and the DO keeps reviving me… He must care about me a lot; he even gave me this cool new name, Dikwad, what a great name. I will just have to try to stop getting myself killed so I can complete this plan the Dark Lord has for me, I owe him that much.

*Aginor continues to cut out picture of monkeys for Shaidar Haren*

*Aginor holds up a monkey picture*

Aginor: He will love these, maybe he will hang them in his room he loves monkeys.

DO: DIKWAD GET YOUR ASS IN HERE IT’S TIME FOR YOUR MISSION.

Aginor: Great now I can prove myself.

*Aginor runs into the Pit of Doom*

*Aginor Trips on a rock*

*The scissors Aginor was running with pierce through his chest and slice open his heart*

*Aginor Dies, his body sits in front of the DO*

DO: Did that just happen? Did he just kill himself on a pair of scissors? I can’t do this anymore he is staying dead this time or at least for awhile… GRAENDAL GET YOUR FAT ASS IN HERE!!!

Graendal: Yes Great Lord.

DO: Since Dikwad here died again I'm giving you his mission, are you busy?

Graendal: Well Great Lord I was…

DO: Of course your not busy, your never busy, you never do anything. Ok are you listening?

Graendal: Yes Great Lord, Let me get a pen.

DO: NO PEN, just listen dam it.

Graendal: Yes Great Lord

DO: Now Teleport to the nearest McDonalds and get me a number 1 combo super sized with a coke. That’s a Big Mac and Fries you got that, and it better be super sized I have been trying to get this all day.

Graendal: All the McDonalds are closed at this time of night how will I get this?

DO: Second rule in the pit of doom?

*Graendal Frowns*

DO: Just get it wake up a McDonalds cook take him to a McDonalds and get my food, SUPER SIZED!!!! Then you can get back to your sitting around, and doing a lot of nothing, while your Ass grows.

Graendal: It shall be done Great Lord.

DO: Oh and Graendal.

Graendal: Yes great Lord?