GOOD Friday was spent sitting round with lapsed Catholics drinking wine, eating meat and using the Lord's name in vain, punctuated by the odd person saying, "Don't tell my parents." What a thrill to stare eternal damnation in the face with a chop in one hand, a glass of cask wine in the other and a mouth full of blasphemy while still being scared of your mum and dad. All the while not believing in God. We don't believe in heaven any more, but as sure as hell something's making this snag taste so good. It's probably the confidence of our contradictions.

A dozen wide-eyed children were rigid with fascination as we recounted Good Fridays of our childhood, on which being happy and watching television were classified sins.

"What's a sin?" asked the 11-year-old atheist. I could have sung with joy knowing a child knew right from wrong and good from bad but knew not what the word "sin" meant.

Sin. The conflict of desire verses programming may explain the common myth (or as we micks like to think, well-known fact) that Catholics go off like a frog in a sock in the sack. All that programming of wrongness makes some things feel so right. We all have guilty blocks of chocolate hidden in our glove boxes. The thrill of the illicit. But it's not all good.

Last week a lapsed Catholic atheist mate of mine told me she was gay. I'm shattered. She doesn't fancy me. Don't touch me, I'm fine. Truth is I bullied her into telling me because of my interest in the physical manifestation of the emotional. She'd suffered debilitating migraines for years. She vomited blood and needed injections and hospitalisation. I kept prodding until I found out what it was that was making her head explode. This is how it went: "Are you gay?" "Yes." "Have you told your parents?" "No." "Tell your parents and the migraines will go away. They're proud of you and they love you. There is no perfect time. You'll wonder what took you so long, but you'll be thrilled you didn't wait a moment longer. Nothing is ever as bad as you think it will be. The body never lies and the truth will set you free." Hell is truth seen too late.