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After several days of clandestine backroom dealings and horse-trading between 0.000005% of the EU’s population, the identity of the European Union’s new Presidents was finally unveiled last night. Not a single one was on a ballot paper anywhere at the last EU elections, it’s a motley collection of mediocre second-tier politicians reviled in their own countries and scandal-ridden appointees from the Davos circuit. Meet your new EU overlords:

European Commission President: Ursula Von Der Leyen. Daughter of a senior Eurocrat born in Brussels, she’s been German Defence Minister for five years. Her scandal-ridden stint in charge is widely regarded as a failure in Germany.

Over the past six years, during which von der Leyen headed the Defense Ministry, Germany’s armed forces, the Bundeswehr, have become a steady source of news about planes that can’t fly, tanks that break down, and vessels unfit for maritime operations. In autumn 2017, Germany was literally left without its entire submarine fleet as all of the ships turned out to be either undergoing maintenance or in dire need of repairs. More than half of the Bundeswehr’s tanks were revealed to be unfit for service during the same year.

Dozens of assault rifles and pistols, as well as tens of thousands of rounds of ammunition, have simply been stolen from the Bundeswehr on von der Leyen’s watch. The year 2014, her second year in office, saw the biggest amount of equipment go missing, resulting in the loss of 21 weapons and more than 20,000 rounds of ammunition.

It turns out she also plagiarised large parts of her doctoral thesis, but her university let her off as they said there had been no intent to deceive. She’ll fit right into tax-going Claude Juncker’s shoes.

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Soros and Claude Junker

European Council President: Charles Michel. Former Prime Minister of Belgium who was ousted in a no-confidence vote last December over a deportation scandal involving the dictatorial Sudanese regime. Naturally, because it’s Belgium he’s still ‘interim Prime Minister’ more than six months later. He now gets rewarded for failure and doesn’t even have to move cities.

European Central Bank President: Christine Lagarde. Everyone’s favourite scandal-hit Oompa-Loompa is back, evidently, the EU didn’t decide that being criminally negligent with €400 million of taxpayers’ money was a barrier to giving her the keys to the Central Bank.

International Monetary Fund chief Christine Lagarde has been convicted over her role in a controversial €400m (£355m) payment to a businessman. French judges found Ms. Lagarde is guilty of negligence for failing to challenge the state arbitration pay-out to the friend of former French President Nicolas Sarkozy.

The 60-year-old, following a week-long trial in Paris, was not given any sentence and will not be punished.

High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs: Josep Borrell. Spain’s pugnacious Foreign Minister and onetime European Parliament President has been embroiled in more scandals than Juncker’s had boozy lunches. He was forced to resign from the European University Institute over an undeclared €300,000-a-year conflict of interest. One insider tells Guido the board were just relieved to have any excuse to get rid of the worst president the EU ever had.

He was fined €30,000 just last year for a “very serious breach” of insider trading rules on the Spanish stock market, his defence was that it was only 8% of his portfolio. I’m rich, it doesn’t matter!

You didn’t vote them in, you can’t vote them out, in fact, they can do pretty much whatever they like while living off hugely generous salaries and expense accounts funded by your taxes. EU democracy at its finest once again.

“We MEPs are token fig leaf democracy. After three days in Strasbourg, I know more than ever we made correct decision to leave. Pressure from Brexit Party will ensure we leave sooner rather than later.” ~ Richard Tice MEP.

Michael Walsh was awarded ‘Writer of the Year 2011’. With 60 books bearing his name, thousands of new stories and columns, Michael is arguably Britain and Europe’s most prolific author of multi-topic books none of which have been ghost-written.

MICHAEL WALSH is a journalist, broadcaster and the author of RISE OF THE SUN WEEL, EUROPE ARISE, TROTSKY’S WHITE NEGROES, MEGACAUST, THE ALLIED INVASION. DEATH OF A CITY, WITNESS TO HISTORY, THE BUSINESS BOOSTER and THE FIFTH COLUMN VOLUME I and II, and other book titles.

The dissident author’s books available for purchase by visiting his website BOOKSTORE, BUY FROM AUTHOR and POETRY links.

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