1. Los Angeles Kings

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-1-1 +10 1

The big knock on Kings forward Tanner Pearson when he was drafted was that he was old enough to drink. So, of course he'd have success on Jeff Carter's line.

2. Chicago Blackhawks

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-2-1 +8 2

When goaltender Corey Crawford was sidelined with injury this week the Blackhawks turned to two goaltenders who couldn't be any more different. One is just Darling, while the other is an irascible, opinionated Raanta.

3. Tampa Bay Lightning

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-3-1 +4 3

The Tampa Bay Lightning haven't missed a beat without injured, Norris-caliber defenseman Victor Hedman in the lineup. It's when Ben Bishop gets the night off that they're in trouble.

4. St. Louis Blues

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 3-3-1 +1 4

How toothless is the Blues offense so far this year? So toothless that for once Ryan Miller was able to win a game in St. Louis.

5. Anaheim Ducks

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 7-2-0 +11 6

To say that the Anaheim Ducks aren't a much improved squad this season would be a bald faced lie. Or as they call such fibs in Orange County: a Getzlaf.

6. Pittsburgh Penguins

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-2-1 +6 5

Penguins captain Sidney Crosby leads all NHL skaters with eight power-play points, but imagine if he was as dangerous as an even-strength point producer. Oh wait. Oh dear god that's terrifying.

7. Montreal Canadiens

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 7-1-0 +3 10

The Montreal Canadiens have amassed a 7-1 record despite their pedestrian +3 goal differential. When you can outperform your pythag like that, you know you have a lights out bullpen.

8. San Jose Sharks

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-4-1 +4 7

The Sharks lost four games in a row this week, but at least they resisted the temptation to strip Joe Thornton of yet another letter. Baby steps.

I look forward to Doug Wilson stripping the C from Connor McDavid — Dennis King (@DKingBH) October 25, 2014

9. Minnesota Wild

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-2-0 +13 9

The Wild were one of two NHL teams struck by a mysterious bacterial gland infection, which is legitimately yuckier than Mikko Koivu's first goal of the season:

Seriously though, ew.

10. Boston Bruins

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-5-0 +2 8

Boston Bruins fans booed former Bruins captain Joe Thornton during a ceremonial face-off this week. Thornton was traded nine years ago.

Bruins fans are booing Thornton because they're the worst pic.twitter.com/dN5M0Lcc55 — Steph (@myregularface) October 21, 2014

It's not so much that Bruins fans are still bitter towards a player who never asked out of Boston, or anything, it's just that they miss their binky:

11. New York Islanders

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 6-2-0 +5 11

When Frans Nielsen scored a hat-trick this weekend, we like to think that an angry fisherman with a hockey stick threw his massive teal Raiden chapeau onto the ice to celebrate.

12. New Jersey Devils

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-2-2 Even 12

Genuinely spooky stuff: A defenseman named Damon has emerged out of nowhere to give a team named the Devils one of the most imposing top pairings in the East.

How much would you bet that he finishes his rookie season with 13 total goals?

13. Dallas Stars

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-2-2 Even 13

The Stars are the league's most entertaining team, but their porous defense makes them fundamentally flawed. Why it's almost like Marc Crawford never left.

14. Columbus Blue Jackets

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-4-0 -2 14

Blue Jackets forward Cam Atkinson was cut near the eye by a skate this week, but he seems to have escaped from the freak accident mostly unharmed.

He either has the worst luck or the best luck. There's no middle ground:

Blue Jackets' Atkinson shows us what taking a skate to the face looks like. It's... not good. http://t.co/QKH12Yy18u pic.twitter.com/sii7U5Wvz2 — theScore (@theScore) October 25, 2014

15. Washington Capitals

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-2-2 +6 16

Until they got lit up in the second leg of back-to-back games on Sunday night, the Capitals play away from the puck had been down right suffocating:

Under Trotz @washcaps D held all 7 opponents under 30 shots so far; last year it took 39 games to get 7 under 30; had 9 of 40+ shots by then — Kevin Woodley (@KevinisInGoal) October 26, 2014

And it's all thanks to Alex Ovechkin blocking shots and his rewened commitment to playing a 200-foot game, and not at all due to the Capitals' blue-line upgrades and Barry Trotz's system - right television hockey analysts?

16. New York Rangers

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-4-0 -4 15

Rangers forward Tanner Glass is one of the worst puck possession forwards of the past five years, and true to form, only one regular Rangers forward has a worse Corsi For percentage than he does so far this season: Rick Nash. Wait, what?!

17. Detroit Red Wings

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-2-2 +1 17

The Red Wings appeared to let off a collective smelly fart in the third period of their Saturday night loss to the Philadelphia Flyers, as evidenced by Mike Babcock's reaction on the bench:

(Courtesy: SBNation)

Whatever, it was all done in the spirit of giving:

Red Wings steal two points from themselves, give them to Philadelphia for charity. — Winging It In Motown (@wingingitmotown) October 26, 2014

18. Arizona Coyotes

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 3-3-1 -7 18

The moment the much denied reports about the Coyotes possibly relocating to Las Vegas surfaced you just knew that Paul Bissonnette would find a way to remain on Arizona's radar.

19. Vancouver Canucks

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-3-0 +1 19

How dysfunctional have things been for the Canucks in recent years? Just look at this before and after, featuring former Canucks center Ryan Kesler:

(Courtesy: @AlexLovesBurrs)

What say you former Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo?

(Courtesy: @AlexLovesBurrs)

The difference is stunning, and telling.

What's next, a Vine of John Tortorella joyfully singing "I feel good" in his underoos?

20. Nashville Predators

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-1-2 +3 21

Predators forward James Neal thinks the Penguins, his former team, are still rattled by an event that occurred during the 2012 postseason. Someone warn him not to bring up the word "curfew" in Smashville.

21. Ottawa Senators

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 4-2-1 +2 20

The Senators are receiving calls about defenseman Jared Cowen, more likely because he's been spotted lost and wandering aimlessly around the defensive zone than because other NHL clubs hope to acquire him in a trade.

The ref was so far behind that play when he called the penalty shot that he could have been named Jared Cowen. — Bonk's Mullet (@BonksMullet) October 27, 2014

22. Toronto Maple Leafs

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 3-4-1 -4 23

No matter how much the Toronto Maple Leafs want the puck, no matter how often they talk about possessing the puck, they can't have it. Sorry.

23. Philadelphia Flyers

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 3-3--2 -4 22

Move over Cody Eakin, because Claude Giroux and Steve Mason nailed their unintentional Weasley twin Halloween costumes.

This is happening. Just a sneak peek of the #Flyers holiday campaign... pic.twitter.com/VlC4yxCEfU — Philadelphia Flyers (@NHLFlyers) October 24, 2014

Precious jumpers? Check. Mischievous grins? Check. Fire red hair? Check.

24. Florida Panthers

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 2-2-3 -6 24

Panthers starting goaltender Roberto Luongo recently attended a Halloween party dressed up as a "deer in headlights" with his wife Gina:

(Courtesy: @theStrombone1)

The Luongos obviously have something special. Not only did they pick a pretty sweet couples costume, but she's the only partner he's had since Andrew Raycroft who hasn't taken his job.

25. Edmonton Oilers

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 3-4-1 -9 28

The Oilers started the season with five consecutive losses and were reportedly prepared to fire head coach Dallas Eakins until the team reeled off three straight victories this week.

Comforting to know that the worst run organization in professional hockey still has the whole "overreacting to results over a tiny sample" thing down pat.

26. Colorado Avalanche

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 2-4-3 -9 25

As an 18-year-old Nathan MacKinnon was in the top-20 among all NHL forwards in power play goal scoring rate and power play shot rate, so of course the Avalanche aren't giving him first unit power play time this season.

If you're looking for a silver lining, at least this doesn't even register in their five dumbest decisions of the past six months?

27. Calgary Flames

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 5-4-1 +4 26

Dennis Wideman scored three times this week and is now tied with Mason Raymond for the team lead in goals with five on the season so far, just in case you were wondering why we have the Flames ranked in the bottom-four.

28. Winnipeg Jets

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 3-5-0 -6 27

The Jets aren't good at hockey, but at least Dustin Byfuglien is our wrecking ball of the week:

All he ever did was wre-eh... ah you know the rest ...

29. Carolina Hurricanes

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 0-5-2 -15 29

The Carolina Hurricanes' 2014-15 season is pretty much already flushed away, which is what you get when you pick a toilet bowl for your logo.

30. Buffalo Sabres

Record Goal Differential Previous Rank 2-7-0 -18 30

For once Jeremy Roenick is wrong in his analysis:

I just turned on Sharks game! Are u serious???? Losing to buffalo??? 3 loses in a row and now losing to second worse team in the league? — Jeremy Roenick (@Jeremy_Roenick) October 25, 2014

Sorry Jeremy, but the Sabres aren't the second worse, they're the absolute worse.