Rand Paul

Not a House member! But the incoming freshman senator from Kentucky and Tea Party rock star is the son of libertarian Republican congressman Ron Paul. Rand was not, contrary to common belief, named after Ayn Rand, but he describes himself as a "big fan." You know how, when you're in college and you encounter a book that seems really deep and you have an all-night rap session talking about big questions, man, and also, sometimes when this is happening, you're high? And then later on you stop doing this? Paul has never stopped doing this. And now he'll be bringing that all-night-rap-session spirit to the floor of the Senate, which might then finally get down to debating why synonym has no synonyms or how, when you think about it, the whole idea of currency is just fucking weird, man, because, really, what is it? It's just, like, a piece of metal and you give it to someone and they fucking give you something back, like a TV. I mean, c'mon, how is that not weird? I yield the floor to my awesome colleague from South Carolina.