i think love, in general, is honestly kind of disappointing. i think we’re force-fed fairy tales that couldn’t possibly be near reality because no narrative could ever grasp the full extent of a 24/7/365 relationship.

i think that even something as simple as having things to say and what to share after days on end together is a challenge.

i think being apart / long distance and working hard in a difficult industry is a whole different challenge which is glamorized by hollywood.

i think that our insecurities are haunting and that our insecurities tear us apart, limb by limb, and that no other human can possibly fill the void that was left by so so so many people who have come before them.

we’re taught to believe that another person should complete us… should fix us. but they can’t possibly fix us. and we see that as imperfect. and it is imperfect but we see imperfect as a bad thing, and it’s not.

we’re broken, and while we’re forever mending, forever mosaics putting our pieces back together trying to make something more beautiful, what we know best is being broken and being alone and feeling like when we’re apart that it means we’re by ourselves. our minds fight us heavily. we’re better when we’re together, we’re impossible when we’re apart. we’re hard to love. and more than anything we’re scared. and when we’re scared we try to protect ourselves. but our idea of protecting ourselves is shutting out who we love so that they can’t hurt us. break our own hearts so that they don’t have a chance to break them. it’s all so messy and honestly just loving someone feels fucking impossible more often than not.

but it’s not impossible and the fact that you continue to try despite it all is living proof of that.

every day doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be a step in the right direction, together. even if it’s the tiniest step. even if it’s indistinguishably small. it just needs to be a step forward. a step together.

we joke about being brave but it is fucking BRAVE to wake up every morning and share your heart with a person. it’s brave to love a person despite heartache and break ups and distance and criticism.

and it’s so comforting to think about cutting it off and feeling alone. alone feels safe. alone means no one can hurt us. but ultimately your heart tells you what it needs and if your heart beats for someone, you can’t give up just because it’s hard or because you’re scared. even when it feels so much safer to just walk away. even when the idea of starting over with someone who has never shattered your heart and soul into bits is dangled over you… because that other person, whoever they would be, is not the person who sets your soul on fire. and the fact that someone can make you so happy and so sad and so scared… that is real.