LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

In what commentators are already calling “Australian sports even-more-darkest day” Nation Rugby League team the Parramatta Eels have lost their match during their bye round, despite not even playing a game of football.

Parramatta coach Brad Arthur states he is disappointed with today‘s result as the Eels become the first team to ever be unsuccessful at receiving two points during their designated round off.

“I have no idea how this happened,” said the coach.

“No runs, no metres from most of the players. That seems pretty standard to me.”

Despite having a team made up of former Australian rep players such as Michael Jennings and Fox Sports favourite Jarryd Hayne, Parramatta has won only three games this year in a season commentator Ray Warren has described as ‘worse than a primary school orchestra.’

Parramatta Eels fans are reacting to the loss by blaming over-refereeing despite the fact there were no referees present and that no game took place.

Rugby league blogger and diehard Eels fan Alexander Grant (26) stated watching his team has cured his happiness and the fact they have made history by losing a bye is the cherry on top of the sundae of disappointment.

“A team of actual eels might play better than we are right now,” said the blogger while curled into the fetal position.

“This is worse than on-field racism. This is worse than Kimmorley’s commentating. This is worse than an NRL comments section.”

More to come.