I really went here. The emotional and verbal abuse really happened. We can try to sweep it under a rug, or we can talk about it.This is a collection of my scattered and traumatic memories of my experiences at New Leaf Academy of North Carolina. • Ask me anything

This doumentary was really healing for me to watch, and it’s been so wonderful to see a celeb speak up about something as important as “emotional growth” boarding schools and wilderness camps. Highly recommend. 2:30 pm • 22 September 2020 • 34 notes

Anonymous asked: This is the same person that just sent you an ask. I just wanted to ask if you knew if there's any FB group or anything for girls from NLANC. I know this is stupid and unfair to them, but sometimes I feel so abandoned by my 'sisters' and I want to reach out and talk about everything but I don't know how. I know it was a traumatic experience for so many of us, and when it was shutting down it was a really weird time for everyone, so I don't fault anyone. But I miss a lot of them sometimes. I don’t think it’s stupid or unfair to want community and support from people that also went through a traumatic time with you. That makes a lot of sense. I think there used to be a Facebook group, I’m not aware of it either being active or existing anymore. I’ll look again and see if I can find it. Hang in there, be kind to yourself. If you want to use this space to spill memories or stories, it’s here for that. Even if it feels like it, you’re not alone. ❤️ 2:12 am • 30 August 2020

Anonymous asked: Hey, I was one of the group of girls who were there when NLA in NC shut down, and I saw your recent post about the number of girls per room. It doesn't really matter but at the time of closing there wasn't a minimum of six girls per room, it was more scattered. I stayed with only 2 other girls twice (so 3 total), both times downstairs. Upstairs, I stayed with 3 other girls (so 4 of us). Not super important, I just thought you might be interested. - S Oh wow! Glad to know it wasn’t as cramped during your stay! 2:09 am • 30 August 2020

Anonymous asked: Hello. I know someone who may be sent. Can you explain how parents could possibly decide to send their children here? Do parents seriously believe it helps their kids? How is this place not shut down? Is their tight security or could kids escape. What is the bathroom and bedroom situation like. So the Oregon location is a bit different than the NC location (especially seeing that it’s closed), and I went to the one in NC, and can only speak for my experience. Emotional growth boarding schools like NLA often prey upon families at their weakest moments. I went to NLA voluntarily - I actually picked it out! I wasn’t getting the care and treatment I needed at home, and NLA seemed like a good option. If you’re considering sending your kid to emotional growth boarding school, typically things aren’t going too well. There were a couple girls who were in NLA instead of juvie. Once you get to the school, there is a lot of paperwork the parents have to sign, one of which is basically signing over guardianship of their kid to the school. So with that, combined with the staff, therapists, and teachers flat out lying to parents on their kid’s progress, how they treat their kid, etc., there’s not much they can do. I was too afraid to speak out. When I did, I was punished. Girls did try to escape before and were sent to wilderness camp. There are at least 2 recorded deaths of minors at these camps. The adults have all the power, there’s really nothing you can do. Your parents don’t believe you because the adults are saying you’re lying and you’re in an emotional growth boarding school AND you’re a minor! You don’t seem like a credible source. NLA in NC has been shut down, but basically replaced with Asheville Academy (I think that’s the name) - many of the same staff work there, and it’s a mile or so away from the old building. The old place is currently being turned into a spa, and the guy that bought it deadass ran as King of America in some election. Didn’t get too far obviously. In NC there was a minimum of 6 girls/room. It was overcrowded for sure - more girls kept coming and no one was leaving and it just felt like you were drowning. One floor had communal bathrooms, the other floor had individual bathrooms/room. 12:43 am • 24 August 2020 • 1 note

Anonymous asked: I’ve been hurting myself again lately (burning arm) my dog passed away and for a while it was all I could do to stop crying. New leaf traumatized me so much that now I can’t seek help. I never want to go back. I’ve been to other programs, a couple of hospitals and a CBAT and one hospital really helped but it was a children’s hospital I turn 18 in November and I’m terrified to ask for help what if it doesn’t get better and I promised m I’d stop hurting myself plus you until last week I was clean TW TW TW

Friend. Thank you for choosing to stay alive. I hear you, I see you. I can imagine the fear and pain you’re experiencing right now, and I’m so proud of you and thankful that you’ve chosen to do the hard work and stay alive. I was also afraid to go into programs after NLA, but I attended residential programs at Rogers Memorial Hospital in WI, and they were life changing, and life saving. If you think you’re in danger of hurting yourself, I encourage you to reach out to a professional, or someone you trust. I can relate to having unhealthy and dangerous coping “skills” and I would feel disappointed in myself after engaging in the behavior after a good spell. Things are rough out here friend, these are rough times. And you’re doing the best you can. Every day you stay alive is a success. It sounds corny, but when I reached my early 20s, my brain leveled out - adolescence mental illness is the pits! I know everyone is different, I can only speak for my own experience. I’ve heard doctors say your hormones and brain chill out around then. I pinky promise things will get better. They might not get better as fast as you’d like, and they might not get better all at once. But what you’re experiencing will not last forever. I pinky promise. I believe in you. Hang in there. I’m proud of you. 11:37 pm • 8 July 2020

Anonymous asked: I went to New Leaf in 2008-2009. I remember "meal restrictions", where I was only allowed to have half portions or less of every meal. I was mostly assigned outdoor work for consequences and at that point Lechman had me on a bunch of new meds. That plus the summer heat used to give me dizzy spells or make me pass out constantly. Did meal restrictions happen to anyone else? I was particularly "bad" and got a lot of strange consequences so I wouldn't be surprised if it was just me. I think I remember some girls having to be on meal restrictions, but it was because of some weight concern (which is bs tbh, no one there should have been in meal restrictions). You didn’t see Dr. K for meds? I saw Lechman only for therapy. 9:18 pm • 17 June 2020

Anonymous asked: Does anyone have the handbook I don’t think I have it, hopefully someone will see this and post it! 1:53 pm • 5 April 2020 • 3 notes

Hey all! I know this page appears to be inactive, but I assure you I check in now and then to see if anyone has messaged me or submitted any entries. I currently don’t use this page as much for my own personal processing, and hope to utilize it more as a forum for other survivors/family members/etc. to reach out with questions, share their stories, etc. Hope you all are hanging in there. Take care of yourself ❤️ 12:24 am • 9 March 2020 • 1 note

Anonymous asked: I have undiagnosed PTSD from NLA, I went to the one in Oregon. Whenever someone raises there voice I get scared or touches me. I remember spending hours in closets and other plays barricaded because some girl was OOP (out of program). Thinking back I remember how the only peace/comfort I found was when staff that actually cared were there. I had a favourite staff and she would read shel Silverstein poems to me before bed. I wonder what my life would be like had I not gone to NLA I am so sorry for the trauma you’ve experienced. I can relate to being hyperalert - it’s exhausting and not fun. Do you read Shel Silverstein poems now to soothe yourself when you’re distressed? I have also wondered what my life would be like if I didn’t go to NLA. I would feel angry, cheated, and sad. Those are understandable feelings to have. I spent time grieving my childhood. What I have found helpful when I’m feeling down about going to NLA is comforting myself with soft fabrics (blankets, socks, a jacket or stuffed animal), listening to something cheerful or energetic, and making art. I’ve been trying to take back experiences and moments I missed out on while at NLA. I have playlists of popular music during my stay that I wasn’t allowed to listen to. I watched movies that were out then that I wasn’t allowed to see. I want to get a bedazzler! These things don’t change my experience at NLA. But it makes right now a bit more bearable. I hope you find peace and comfort. Hang in there, you matter! 12:26 am • 12 February 2020 • 1 note

Anonymous asked: Hi I don’t know how active this page is. I found it because I have an appointment with a new counseling company and it’s scheduled with Dr. Michelle Lechman. This page showed up when I googled her name and definitely raised a major red flag. If you’re comfortable, do you mind sharing your experiences with her? Hey! This page is semi active. She’s horrible. Like harmful horrible. She was a key player in convincing staff at NLA that I wasn’t eating because I wanted attention, which is incorrect - I wasn’t eating because I was stressed out. Like my body was responding to all the abuse going on, this was how I was coping. She was also really big into pressuring me into doing stuff, and shaming me. When my mom finally came to get my, Michelle told me I won, and like asked if I was proud of myself. Nothing made sense, she gaslighted me so badly. She should lose her license, straight up. For years I was worried she would show up and get me. I lived in Louisiana, and for at least 5 years I was always looking over my shoulder for her. I’m sure there’s plenty more she’s done to me that I can’t recall at the moment, but I HIGHLY recommend seeing another therapist. 11:45 pm • 22 January 2020 • 1 note

Anonymous asked: I went to NLANC from 2006-2007. It was such a traumatizing experience, and I honestly wasn't a normal kid after I "graduated." No one believes how bad it was. I'm still angry at my mom for sending me there and being oblivious to how poorly we were treated. I hate that the staff are living their lives without consequence. They should all be in jail. Is there anything we can do to expose the staff? ESPECIALLY MS. MOLINA! Why should they be able to live happily after ruining our lives? You’re right, it’s not fair. What we went through is horrible, wrong, and not okay. And the adults, the people who were supposed to keep us safe, hurt us. When I first got diagnosed with PTSD roughly 6-7 years ago, I remember telling a counselor I was so mad that everyone had “made a mess that affected me directly, and I’m the one having to clean it up.” It was important for me to feel angry for a while. When I was ready to let go of that anger, I focused on myself, and making myself as happy and healthy as I could. This doesn’t make what happened to us hurt any less, or make it any less wrong. And I wouldn’t say I’ve moved on - how does one move on from this type of trauma? But I spend less energy on thinking of the unfairness of it all, and more energy on me. Being angry can be healing, and sometimes it’s required; a step you can’t skip. Being able to do something with that anger is also helpful. Somewhere in these posts should be something about an organization you could contact. Or you could make art about this. Or run a gazillions miles. Or scream. And when you’re ready, if you want to, maybe you’d take off the heavy bag of anger you might be carrying around. Sometimes it needs to be carried for a while. And that’s okay. Thank you for sharing your story. Take care of yourself, you matter! 10:25 pm • 26 December 2019 • 1 note

Recommended reading. I just ordered it, will keep you posted on my thoughts. 10:50 pm • 25 November 2019