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This just in: one in three vegetarians eat meat while drunk, shocking absolutely no one with a shred of meat-loving sense.

Yep, according to a recent survey, a big chunk of veggies plead guilty to snacking on a kebab or burger after a night of drinking, which is fine by me.

As a sick endorser of carnivorism, I have no problem with one in three veggies not being veggies at 4am on a Saturday.

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Due to a series of bad life choices, I’ve found myself surrounded by a large number of animal-lovers (the petting kind not eating). My one question, probably a cliche to them, has often been: ‘What do you eat when drunk/hungover?’

Depending on the quantity of booze sunk, I may not be able to stomach meat first thing in the morning, which would make vegetarianism in theory quite easy. However, I cannot banish egg – in any of its glorious variations – from a rough Sunday brunch. So veganism would never work.

I will never give up cheese or eggs, for nobody, not even for family. As for what I eat at the end of the a night out, well… anything goes. Sprinkle some garlic mayo on roadkill and we’ve got a party. Anyway back to the research.

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Around 39 per cent of those studied said they ate kebab meat when drunk, while 34 per cent admitted to eating beef burgers.

Kebab meat Wikimedia

27 per cent opted for bacon, 19 per cent for fried chicken and 14 per cent for sausages. And I don’t mean those Linda McCartney ones either!

69 per cent of the vegetarians said they were too ashamed to tell anyone after they’d eaten meat, which not only makes them hypocrites, but liars too. Sad!

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George Charles, founder of the site who conducted the survey, said:

I know a few vegetarians who sometimes crave meat, but it seems that a few are giving into their cravings when drunk. I think it’s important for friends of these ‘vegetarians’ to support them when drunk and urge them not to eat meat as I’m sure they regret it the next day.

A damning report from 2014 by the Human Research Council found one in five new vegetarians and vegans stick with their diet. The rest simply relapse into their old ways.

Big Mac McDonalds

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HRC found two per cent of 11,000 adults aged 17 and older were currently vegetarian or vegan. 10 per cent ditched the diet while 88 per cent have never once given up eating meat.

Here’s what you could do to avoid relapsing into the kebab house:

1. Refill your cupboards. If they still contain animal products you’re more liable to eat them. Duh!

2. Plan ahead and decide what you’ll be eating in a given week. Consider everything. Not just lunch breaks, but morning and evening scran, too.

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3. Watch The Cove or Blackfish. If you still want to abide the meat industry after, congratulations! You’re just like: a scumbag.

Look, it takes all sorts doesn’t it? Let’s just be thankful animals aren’t eating us, am I right!