CALL ME: I will email everyone who buys this reward a phone number along with 5 dates where you can call me and I will make monkey noises for you for a little while that sound something like "eeee eeeeeee eeeee EEEEEEE!". Each event will be one hour long. I will make monkey noises for a short period then hang up so someone else can get through. Please note there is no guarantee you can get through but I think if this reward is spread out over 5 hour long events everyone will have a chance to get through at least once. The phone number will be a normal US telephone number probably in the 512 area code.

I actually already picked out my clothing for this event. I plan to wear black pants with a black turtle neck, and a beret just like a real artist would in some place like New York City or Paris. I was inspired by the @Horse_ebooks Twitter account for this idea. They are from New York City and way cooler than I will ever be, but if you buy this reward you'll allow me to feel like a real performance artist at least for 5 hours of my life. Honestly when the phone starts ringing I may cry a little at first from joy so if you hear something a little sad in my first monkey sounds it's not sadness, it's extreme joy.

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