There are a lot of ineffective ways to purge, and a few ways that work well. Today, we’ll cover the basics. These are my guidelines and some might have different tips or use different methods

First, a lot of people swear by starting off a binge with a “marker” food — something bright colored and noticeable so when you see it in your vomit, you know you’ve gotten it all out. Stuff doesn’t come out in exactly the same order it went in. Do your physics homework, guys. If you’re drinking a lot of water, what’s gonna come up first is whatever is lightest and least dense. What’s going to come up last is what’s densest and heaviest, i.e., meat, dried fruit, etc. . I don’t trust a marker food alone. You know you’ve gotten it all out when all you’re purging is clear liquid. Thus, that brings me to my first tip.

Tip #1: WATER, WATER, WATER!!

If you want your purging to be smooth and problem free,water is crucial. Fill a huge plastic cup with water and chug before you binge, keep drinking periodically throughout your binge, and chug right before you purge, until you feel sick. This serves a couple purposes. First, it will make the food come up much more easily — you won’t be choking on chunks. Second, it fills up your stomach and helps you get to that “I’m sick” full feeling much faster (read: your binges will be smaller and thus cost a lot less). Third, chugging water til you get nauseous makes it much easier to induce vomiting (see Tip #2). When you chug right before purging, warm water is especially effective. I will go through about 3 huge cups of water during a typical binge/purge.

Tip #2: Trigger Ye Olde Gag Reflex

Some lucky suckers can purge simply by contracting stomach muscles. I, however, cannot. I have a minimal gag reflex and it took some trial and error before I figured out what worked for me. First, I make it easier by getting nauseous first. It’s much easier to gag when you feel sick. Hence, I chug water and if that’s not working I chug diet Coke. If I’m planning to throw up dinner, I sometimes drink a beer with it in gulps (makes me nauseous). Using fingers is iffy for me (doesn’t always work). I prefer a toothbrush. Start with the smooth end and get yourself going. Try not to strain too hard and breathe in between. Contract your stomach muscles. Then, when you feel the gag kind of kicking in, switch to the bristly end. As soon as the first load comes out, hit your throat with the bristly end again until you can’t barf anymore. Then, chug another huge cup of water and repeat until your puke is clear. Some foods will be much easier to get out than others. Which brings me to Tip #3…

Tip #3 Choose Thy Food with Care

Some foods come out easy, some foods are a pain to purge — it takes trial and error to figure out what works best for you. Generally, anything soft, anything moist/liquid, or made of very small particles is a safe bet. Things like cheese and peanut butter will form globs that are hard to get out, but simple carbs more easily dissolve in water. Ice cream is quite possibly THE best binge food ever, and as a bonus, it doesn’t taste like shit coming out. Keep in mind that with enough water you can purge anything, but I try not to make purging more painful than it needs to be, and if you have trouble purging, start w/ easier foods. Another tip is to chew your food as thoroughly as you can — it also makes purging easier.

Here’s a brief rundown on some of my favorite purge-friendly foods that regularly find their way into my purging regimen:

Easy to Purge:

Ice cream Cereal Kraft Mac and Cheese Hamburger Helper (some people hate purging meat — I actually find it easy) Small pastas cooked extra soft Pretty much any packaged cookie (Mother’s Cookies are my fave…Circus Animals make my barf pretty pretty pink!) I like to soak em in milk first to make it even easier. Rice (as long as it’s with plenty of liquid) Milk shakes, smoothies, McFlurries, etc. Soup Cereal and milk Frozen waffles with lots of butter and syrup to soften en up (frozen pancakes are a different story) Pillsbury Toaster Scrambles Mountain Mike’s pizza and Thrill of the Grill pizza– only. Probably because their crust is not so dense and doughy (every other pizza has a been horrible experience). Scrambled eggs Ramen noodles or chow mein noodles (chewed well)

Notably Difficult to Purge:

Bread (huge globs — ugggh) Tortillas (makes a big glue ball that stops up your throat) Most fast food — bummer cuz it’s so easy and good Many kinds of Pizza Peanut butter Cheese Chocolate candy — will NOT come out Anything with dried fruit or nuts in it Anything you don’t chew up well or don’t drink water with

There we go. Happy purging my friends 🙂