Boy Trapped Down Well Threatens Ceaselessness of Trump News Cycle

The story of a Rusty Wheeler, an 8 year-old boy who fell down a well in Horford County, Kentucky Tuesday continues to threaten the ceaselessness of news coverage being conferred the Trump White House.

Having already reduced the non-stop attention Donald Trump has been commanding from the media over the past year by upwards of 10% since tumbling down the abandoned shaft yesterday, the boy's increasingly precarious situation promises to only cut further into the time allotted the President and his staff the longer he remains trapped.

"As of now, we are working to stabilize the hole while continuing to provide the boy oxygen. We're doing our best to get Rusty out as quickly as possible, but unfortunately there is the risk of a cave-in should we dig too fast," rescue team lead David Powell commented this afternoon.

Not good enough, tweeted the President.

"Everywhere I look on TV today its this boy in the well. Toss a rope down there and let's get on with it!"

And then, half an hour later, Trump also tweeted:

"How does someone fall down a well in the first place? WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING PEOPLE!!!"

As of press time, Trump was reportedly observed tossing a bust of Abraham Lincoln from his second-story bedroom while screaming, "'N****r lover!"