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Catholic High School Freshman Arrested After Taking Homemade Liturgical Calendar To School

Local police chief Ronald Defray announced today that charges will not be filed against Arthur Koch, the Mater Dei Catholic high school freshman arrested Monday after he brought what school officials and police described as a “paper-looking bomb thingy” on campus.

At a press conference early this morning, Defray said the device, confiscated by an English teacher despite Koch’s insistence that it was a liturgical calendar, was “certainly suspicious in nature.”

“The student showed the calendar to a teacher who was concerned that it was possibly the infrastructure for some sort of new paper bomb or something that could be hardened and made into a jail-like shank/sword or something devout Catholics like Koch might’ve used during the Inquisition to torture and kill infidels,” Defray said.

School officials questioned Arthur about the calendar and why he had brought it to school, but after Koch told them it was simply a liturgical calendar and nothing more, he was then handcuffed and taken to the local juvenile detention center.

“The follow-up investigation revealed the calendar apparently was a homemade project, and there’s no evidence to support the perception he intended to create alarm,” Defray said, who went on to describe the event as a “naive accident.”

“Let this be a lesson to everyone,” Defray said to the media at a press conference earlier today. “You never ever bring a mysterious or unknown object to school. No one, not even the religious teacher at Mater Dei, had ever heard of a liturgical calendar until this week, so you can understand their fear.”