Over my 30 years in business I have seen many things. I'd like to say that nothing surprises me anymore.

However one thing that continues to surprise me is, that in 30 years of business, until last week, not one of my female employees has ever asked for a pay rise. They have asked for more flexibility or more perks, but never more money.

It baffles me as that has not been my experience with my male employees. Why is it so different?

My thoughts around this come from many conversations with the women, who believe they are equally hard working and just as dedicated as their male counterparts. Yet they continue to stop short on the salary discussion and tend to steer clear from it all together.

So why is this happening? I believe it is a combination of factors that seem to be common to the women I work with.

Many women are worried that they are not good enough. They believe that the money they are getting is sufficient for the work they are doing and do not recognise the value they bring to their organisations. They seem to believe that while they may be doing a great job, their efforts do not warrant a pay rise.

Some women are waiting to be recognised. They believe that management is seeing all the good work they are producing, and are waiting for the boss to come forward with an offer for an increase. They do not realise that the likelihood of this happening is close to zero.

There is also the fear of rejection. Women seem to get more caught up in the possible aftermath of being turned down for a pay increase and become crippled with fear around the request. This also includes women who feel pressure to preserve their relationship with their employer and do not want to come across as ungrateful.

And lastly, many women just don't know how to go about starting the conversation. Do they book a potentially confronting meeting and just come out with it? Do they drop hints to feel out the waters? And even if they do see a little green light, how much should they ask for?

Below are some tips to overcome whatever is standing in your way to your next pay rise:

Separate yourself from the process

I know this can be tricky. After all, asking for a pay rise is all about you and what you bring to an organisation. You must remember that the decision on whether to pay you an increase is not necessarily about you. There are many factors which have nothing to do with you that impact a leader's decision to increase your salary.

Budget constraints, parity, future commitments and various approval levels, can all affect the outcome of this process.

Additionally, factors such as contributing to your personal development or benefits such as free parking at the office, child care etc all add up to the dollar figure you represent. Sometimes, this decision is about much more than you the individual. So as much as you can, separate yourself and your emotions from this process.

If your pay rate is an issue for you then it will get in the way of your enjoyment and commitment to your job. Do yourself and your boss a favour and have a frank conversation. ( VicHealth )

Steer clear of threats

Some people believe that the most effective way to get what they want is to implicitly or explicitly threaten to leave.

Approaches such as "While I want to stay here, I have had an offer paying more" may work in the short term. If you take this approach and get what you want, your manager now assumes two things: one, that you are willing to hold them to ransom to get what you want; and secondly that you are looking around for other employment.

Ultimately this approach could erode the trust between you and your employer.

And just a word of advice, if you use this approach be willing to carry it through. There is nothing less effective than an empty threat.

Rejection of a pay rise is not rejection of you

This is hard for many people to get their heads around. What if you go forward with a request and it gets knocked back?

Being turned down for a pay rise does not translate to being rejected by your company. Remember, there are many reasons the request may not be granted.

Ask for feedback and guidance on what you would need to do to get the pay rise you are looking for. I am tickled pink to have received my first ever pay rise request from a female employee. I did not grant it for a range of reasons, however I now know this is important to her, so it's on my radar.

Dust yourself off and continue to do great work. It shows resilience, that you are willing to ask the question and puts your employer on notice that you will probably ask again in future.

Do your homework

The best way to know what to ask for is to do a little research and preparation. Take the time to write down for yourself how you are contributing to the success of the company and what you have achieved over and above expectations.

Remind your employer that you are reliable and that they can depend on your service for years to come with examples of your dependability.

Has one of your initiatives increased collaboration or productivity or saved the company money? What are you earning now and how much of an increase do you expect? For example, if you are earning $75,000, you might struggle to ask for $100,000, unless your role has considerably changed. However asking for $80,000 might be considered reasonable.

Also take into consideration how any recently acquired skills and qualifications can be applied to your work or in your organisation.

Contrary to expectations, getting a new qualification is not an automatic trigger for a salary increase. The opportunity to truly apply this learning however, maybe of interest to your employer and translate to an increase in pay.

Pay equity for women is still a major issue. If, as a woman you discover you're being paid less than your counterparts and there is no objective reason for this, then my tip is to first seek parity using the measures above.

If this does not yield results then without threat or emotion point out the difference. It may be that faced with the facts your employer will readily address the issue.

All of these measures set your boss up to be in a good position to say yes.

Make fair comparisons

One of the mistakes people have made when asking me for a pay rise is to compare themselves generally to the market or to the clients we serve.

In doing your research it's important to identify the median rate in the market for your role in comparable organisations?

Are you in a small company, not for profit, government, large corporate?

Does your employer offer employment conditions that others don't?

If you don't ask, your employer won't know

Your boss is not a mind reader. They do not know how you are feeling or what you are thinking even when they know you well.

If your pay rate is an issue for you then it will get in the way of your enjoyment and commitment to your job. Do yourself and your boss a favour and ask the question and have a frank conversation.

Just like the young woman I recently said no to, I now know it's on her agenda and am keeping her salary in mind as well as looking at other opportunities for her.

Go for it

You have nothing to lose. Your boss would have had this conversation many times during their career and your job will still be there tomorrow.

I know an amazing woman who asks for a pay rise every year without fail. Sometimes she hears "yes" and sometimes she hears "no", and she is never deterred.

She comes to work every day with dedication and enthusiasm and when her annual review rolls around, it is a standard question. Regardless of the outcome, she takes it in her stride and continues to deliver day in and day out.

I urge everyone, men and women, to consider asking for a pay rise at the right time and in a respectful way. We are all in business together and money is a part of the package.

Sophia Symeou is CEO of INS Career Management, INS.com.au