Previously On: Beer Mac

Coming off the unqualified success of Beer Mac, I decided to stay with a college theme for my next kitchen creation. The obvious choice was something to do with ramen. Now, when I was in college, I used much the same thought process as I did with Beer Mac to make Apple Juice Ramen.

I had already made three packs of ramen one night, and I was sick of walking all the way down to the end of the dorm hallway to use the water fountain. So instead, I looked in my refrigerator to see what liquids I could use. All I had was apple juice, and I thought, “Well, the apple flavor will just cook off in the microwave. This will work.”

It very much did not work. Even though I was 18, and possibly inebriated, you should still judge me. My thought process sounds entirely as dumb now as it should have that night. But don’t worry, I am not recreating that affront to humanity. In the spirit of Apple Juice Ramen, however, I will attempt to cook ramen in something that is not water. Sriracha. Sriracha is good. It enjoys a near cult-like appreciation. Is there such a thing as too much Sriracha? Most likely. Let’s do this anyway.

The Recipe

Ingredients

1 package ramen of choice (I hardly think the flavor pack is going to make or break this)

1 bottle Sriracha (I don’t know how much we’ll use, but…a lot)

Directions

Step 1: Open your pack of ramen. Contemplate eating it uncooked, remember the Sriracha, but eat the broken off schnibbles as a compromise.

Step 2: Pour into a microwave safe bowl.

Step 3: Grab your bottle of Sriracha and go to town. I don’t know. Cover the brick of uncooked noodles? Add some more? Sure! I don’t even know if this will cook. Might as well err on the safe side and use way too much.

Step 4: Microwave for like 2 less minutes than it says. Seriously, every box of any kind of noodles tells you to cook it substantially longer than necessary.





Step 5: Look at the mess in your microwave. Shit. Spend 15 minutes cleaning your microwave.

Step 4: Put a paper towel over it for godsakes.

Step 5: Much better.

Step 6: Eat it?

The Result

No, don’t eat it. Please do not. Oh god, my mouth. Why did I do that? I regret ever having the thought that that might be okay. It wasn’t. Don’t ever do that.

I don’t even like Sriracha anymore after that. My track record with ramen creations is not good. I think I prefer the Apple Juice Ramen to that. Let’s run through the pros: um, it did actually cook…

…

Oh, I was also forced to clean my microwave.

Cons: Everything else.

I won’t stand for this. Let’s try again.

Try #2

Directions

Step 1: Open your pack of ramen. Pour into a microwave safe bowl.

Step 2: Grab your bottle of Sriracha and conservatively pour some on top until your ramen brick is covered, but not drowning in it.

Step 3: Still microwave for 2 less minutes than it says. DO NOT FORGET THE PAPER TOWEL.

Step 4: Eat it?

The Result

Nope, nope, nope.

Try #3

Directions

Okay, this time, pour a bunch on, but let’s try rinsing out all the Sriracha afterwards. Once cooked, use hot water to rinse out all the excess Sriracha, and pray to your higher being that everything will be okay. It most likely will not.

The Result

Ya know what? After you rinse it the hell out, it’s not even that bad. It’s a little plain. There’s definitely a good kick to it and a slight flavor of Sriracha, but it’s edible. In fact, it’s more than edible, it’s food! I bet a little salt and pepper or maybe even that seasoning packet I threw away could salvage this.

Sriracha Ramen: ½ Star (if normal), 2 Stars (if rinsed out)

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