Dungeons & Dragons Rules for Progressives

Kings and Queens, tyrants, wizard overlords, and other rulers may only be elected or violently overthrown by popular vote.

Spellcasters should provide mortals access to affordable healing potions and/or spells to maintain a good alignment. (Evil characters may support anti-potion initiatives.)

Languages are determined by a character’s culture and life experience. Therefore, one cannot become proficient in Dwarvish just by pandering to native speakers with common phrases.

Similarly, characters cannot exhibit racial traits by proxy (e.g. a Human druid cannot have darkvision because their closest friends are Elves who said they’re okay with it).

Female adventurers earning 7 silver to every 1 gold earned by their male counterparts are not required to alert their party of dungeon traps.

Players are to be given disadvantage on charisma rolls if their character deliberately gives uncomfortably long or tight hugs.

Misdemeanor NPC crimes are no longer punishable by 13 lifetimes of underworld servitude to the Orc god of destruction, Gruumsh.

However, all characters are subject to the varying consequences of their actions alone. For example, a Tiefling rogue may refuse guidance to a character if he displays discriminatory behavior toward rogues — even if that character argues that he simply doesn’t like this rogue, but would vote for another.

Paladins may not use falsified records of Drow invasion to rally a village into securing its borders.

Likewise, spells and curses cast in writing must be formatted consistently (for instance, a player cannot cast “dispel” magic evidence, and later claim they meant to “detect” magic evidence.)

Dimension doors and other magical modes of transportation must comply with environmental protection laws. Exceptions are made on a case-by-case basis to regions already aflame.

Prophesied victories over the legions of evil may still be subject to systemic oppression.

All weapons — whether castle-forged, won in combat, or bestowed by Merfolk — must be registered by their bearer.

Gold hoarding Dragons are to be taxed on a progressive scale in accordance with their incomes.

Bard colleges will no longer accept bribes.