“The same thing we do every day,” Charlie intoned in a low voice. “Try to take over…the world!”

Alyx tilted her head slightly and looked pityingly at Charlie. “I’m…sorry, I don’t understand. Was that a reference to something?”

Charlie sighed. “And I thought my childhood was deprived. To answer your previous question, I don’t know what we’re going to do yet, but I’m about to find out.” Charlie cracked his knuckles. “You see, I can see into the future.”

“Can you.” Alyx seemed to not believe Charlie. Can’t imagine why.

“I can!” Charlie stood from the large, blue towel he had been reclining on. “I’ve always had a strong intuition, but ever since I settled down in southern California, my powers have grown beyond belief.”

“On that, I think, we agree.”

“Ye of little faith.” Charlie solemnly shook his head, the effect of which was somewhat ruined by his sunglasses slipping down through the shiny white sunscreen smeared on his nose. He paused mid-shake, reached down to the towel and wiped his nose and glasses off while continuing. “There is only one big drawback to my ability to see the future. Normally, I can get a pretty good idea of things through stuff like palmistry, or tarot cards, or trepanning, or tea leaves, or–”

“Is there a point to this?” Alyx was learning quickly how to have an effective conversation with Charlie.

“Yes,” Charlie said, “but you’re not going to like it. See, while all of those things work, nothing works as well for me telling a person’s future as smelling their breath.”

Alyx’s tone dropped even lower. “Smelling their breath.”

“It’s a gift, and a curse.” Charlie took a deep, dramatic sigh. “The smellier the breath, the easier it is to divine the future. Speaking of, how do you feel about sauerkraut? There’s a stand nearby, best kaiser rolls in Santa Catarina-”

“You are not smelling my breath.”

“I can’t really smell my own, now can I?!”

“No.”

“…fine.” Charlie stomped his foot on the ground, then looked down and chewed the inside of his lip. Come on, Charlie, don’t blow the delivery. Keep a straight face. “If you don’t want me to smell your breath (for some reason), I can find out our destiny through a different path. I’m okay at palm reading, I guess, even though it’s not my best work. At my best, I’m practically perfect. I’m a super California mystic, expert halitosis.”

Alyx paused for a full six seconds. Charlie counted.

“Charlie, I have agreed to work with you for a day. Don’t make me regret the decision.”

“Too late!” Charlie beamed and stretched out his hand. “Give me your hand.”

With what appeared to be an effort of incredible will power, Alyx stuck out her left hand.

“That’s the spirit!” Charlie beamed at Alyx before gently grabbing it.

How sinister. Now that I think about it, she was holding her things earlier with her right hand. Useful, no, but interesting?…also no. This is, though…Calloused all over. Like a ditch digger. What’s Miss White Collar doing with her hands that has made them so tough?

“Now, the secret to palm reading is, you always have to…” Charlie trailed off as he looked down at her palm. “Oh. Oh wow.”

That is either a Rolex or an exquisite fake.

“Charlie, that’s the oldest trick in the book.” Alyx rolled her eyes. “You don’t see anything, you’re just buying time to come up with more nonsense.”

Charlie looked at Alyx, a hurt expression in his eyes. “I am offended. The very idea. Implying I need time to come up with nonsense. Now hush, I’m working.”

Ring size…7? No, say 7.5, just to be safe. Not a lot of data here. Clean, shiny nails. Professionally done, or as good as. Shirtsleeve looks like silk. Can’t believe she’s still wearing her suit jacket…Charlie. You’re meandering. Get her talking.

“Ahhh…the all-seeing Charlie has seen all!” Charlie wheezed in a mystical voice. “…well, he has seen some. Your head line, for example, is prominent, indicating you are a creative person. Coupled with this line, here, stopping at that one…You play a musical instrument, obviously.”

“Piano, yes, as quite a few people do.” Alyx answered in a clipped tone.

Oh, she got annoyed at that. Somebody didn’t enjoy her lessons. That wouldn’t explain the callouses, though…and when I think about it they aren’t so much on the fingertips anyway so “guitar” was a silly guess in retrospect. At least she admitted the piano thing. Even though she doesn’t want to play along, that will still count as a “hit” for my purposes…

“You are better at that than most people,” Charlie murmured, deep in thought, “based on what’s written here at least…as for your heart line…I’m sorry, Alyx. You’ve had more than your fair share of trouble in the romance department, have you not?”

“I thought this little charade was about telling me the future?”

So yes. Now that is interesting. Also, another hit. Ding.

“Ah, but as my wise old gypsy grandmother used to say–” Charlie cleared his throat and affected a high, squeaky voice. “You can’t know the future until you know the present, and you can’t know the present without knowing the past!”

“I’ve read your file,” Alyx said, “and you never met any of your grandparents. They died before you were born.”

“Yes,” Charlie admitted, “but it is possible one of them said that at some point. Now. There is good news, on the romantic front. Good news coming very soon.” Charlie made eye contact with Alyx and hid most of a smile.

“If you imply anything involving yourself I will leave this city without you,” Alyx said, narrowing her eyes.

…ouch. Charlie looked back down at her palm. “Well, I don’t know it’s about me, but since you bring up the idea…there would be an easy test.”

“Is this what you do all day? Harass anyone unfortunate enough to talk to you until they give you money to leave?”

“Basically. Do you believe in fairytales, Alyx?”

Alyx took her hand back from Charlie. “No.”

Charlie stood silently for a moment. He then reached down into his bag, rummaging through several pockets and secret compartments until he found what he was looking for, which he grasped firmly in a fist.

“That’s a real shame.” Charlie sighed. “Nobody does, nowadays. I don’t think I’ll ever…” Charlie trailed off and looked out at the ocean. Seagulls were winging lazy circles overhead. “Never mind. It’s not something I usually talk about, and you aren’t interested anyway.”

Alyx asked, “If I pretend to be, will that make this day go by faster?”

Charlie looked at her and smiled a sad smile. “Maybe. I know that’s what Gram-Gram would have wanted. She left me this”–Charlie raised his clenched fist–“and told me…in a letter! She wrote a letter, you don’t know. Shut up. Anyway, Gram-Gram told me that whenever I found someone that fit her ring perfectly, that’s how I would know she was the one. Ol’ Gram-Gram was a seer, too, you understand. It runs in the family. Hereditary. So you see, if the ring doesn’t fit, we have nothing to worry about! What are the odds of it fitting, really, when you think about it…” Charlie looked up from the ring, locking eyes with Alyx. “It’d be like a fairytale.”

Alyx rolled her eyes and stuck out her left hand again. Charlie opened his palm, and deftly slipped an old engagement ring with a shiny clear stone setting onto her ring finger. It hung loosely.

“Dang, I’m usually pretty good at judging that.” Charlie frowned. “Oh well. What we’re actually going to do today is an old favorite of mine, but one that requires two people. Traditionally, it’s done with a fiddle, but I find that it works even better with jewelry, which is a heck of a lot easier to carry around. What we have to do is–”

Alyx cut him off. “Did you really go through all of that nonsense just to introduce your plan?”

Charlie paused before replying. “I’m going to tell you the truth. Yes. That is why I went through all of that nonsense.”

“…the palm-reading, the ring, the…terrible, terrible puns?”

“All vital information for what’s to come.” Charlie nodded subtly as he spoke.

“You’re pulling my leg,” Alyx scoffed.

“Well, the ring, at least.” Charlie bent down to rummage in his bag again.

Alyx shook her head, saying, “Wait, no. That doesn’t make any sense. Why did you–what if it didn’t fit?”

“It didn’t. Here.” Charlie swapped the ring out for one slightly smaller, with a noticeably different setting. It fit perfectly. “Ahh, I knew it. Should have trusted my gut…oh well. Sometimes things don’t work out.” He took the ring that fit off of Alyx’s finger, and added it to the small pile of jewelry in his other hand. Precious stones gleamed in various settings on half a dozen rings. “See, they all feel different. I can tell by touch which ring I’m grabbing, so if I’m telling that particular story I can usually pick a ring that fits…the…why are you looking at me like that?”

A mix of frustration, anger, bewilderment, and several other emotions was flashing across Alyx’s face faster than Charlie could keep up. Charlie began to chew the inside of his lip.

Alyx fumed for a moment before taking a deep breath. She slowly asked “Are you being deliberately annoying?”

Charlie looked confused. “Why on Earth would I do that? Now, can you stop wasting time, please? I want to tell you about the plan…”