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The star of The Bachelorette 2, Meredith Phillips, says in a podcast that she was drugged and sexually assaulted while filming The Bachelorette 2.

She revealed this in a conversation on Reality Steve’s podcast, telling Steve Carbone that she was “lonely” during filming of The Bachelorette, and when asked what the hardest thing about the production was, she said:

“Well, besides being always really tired and some of the producers were—how do I say this? Helpful but not helpful, in terms of trying to make me relax. Um, well, normally, wouldn’t talk about this, but I’m going to tell you because it’s bothered me for years. And I know another friend of mine who was currently working on the show felt the same experience I did, about getting roofied and in a hot tub and kind of accosted.”

Steve asked if she was roofied by a producer, and Meredith said,

“By a masseuse that a producer hired to come into my room and to give me a massage, and she said, Okay, I’m going to give you a pill. And I’m like, Okay. I just assumed it was, like, an aspirin or something to loosen up my back, or Tylenol, or something. And it definitely wasn’t that, that’s for sure. The last thing I remember was she got naked and she was in the tub with me, and rubbing my back and rubbing areas probably she shouldn’t have. And then I was put in bed. I woke up naked. Don’t remember much.”

The show was still in production in Los Angeles, Meredith said, and this occurred in the room where she was staying. She said:

“This is hard for me to talk about because I think I’ve put it somewhere else in my brain. […] I remember everything until a certain point, and when the pill kicked in, I literally couldn’t even move my body, so I have no idea what the pill was, at all. All I know is that I was told that, This will make you feel better.“

Later in the podcast, she added:

“When I couldn’t move my body when she drew me a bath and got in with me naked, I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t move my limbs let alone even smile. I probably was drooling. So I don’t know what I was given.”

Steve asked if she considered leaving the show after being violated, and she said:

“There definitely was a part of me that was like, I don’t want to be a part of this, that’s for sure. But I am also the kind of person that finishes what she starts. So there was that. And I obviously couldn’t end it.”

Meredith also said:

“It is a huge deal. I have worked through it. Maybe thrown it in the back of my mind. I had no control. Zero. I think that was the hardest part for me, that I couldn’t even lift my arms to say no.”

After recording the interview last week, Steve tweeted, “My jaw is on the floor. Speechless. I honestly don’t know what to say or how to respond. You will hear some major truth bombs next week.” He also tweeted, “It’s unlike any podcast I’ve done so far. Quite a few long pauses & dead air bc I didn’t know how 2 react sometimes.”

Listen here:

Meredith’s season of The Bachelorette was filmed in 2003, and aired in early 2004. Meredith was one of the finalists on The Bachelor season 4, but was rejected by Bob Guiney. At the end of The Bachelorette 2, she got engaged to Ian McKee, but they split up.

She married Michael Broady in 2011, and has mostly stayed out of the Bachelor Nation spotlight.

On the podcast, she also discusses what she revealed in 2013 to Good Morning America: her alcoholism. She told GMA that she doesn’t blame the show (“It was my choice to drink it and how much I consumed”) but pointed out how accessible alcohol was (“It’s always right there. There’s a lot of booze. [Alcohol] is the 26th person in the room.”).

Good Morning America reported that “her drinking problem went from bad to worse after she broke off her engagement to [Bachelorette winner Ian] McKee and when both of her beloved parents died in the span of four years.”

Back then, Meredith also told People magazine that, during production, “I was drunk every night. But I knew my tolerance levels. Alcoholics are good at that. I figured out how much I could drink and function.”