Every Parent’s Dream: This Moon Bounce Is Just Kids, No Pedophiles!

Here’s a story that’s going to make parents everywhere stand up and cheer: This moon bounce just has kids in it, no pedophiles!

Woohoo! If you are a parent, then you know that it just doesn’t get any better than this!

By an incredible stroke of luck, this moon bounce that was set up today at a neighborhood block party in Cedar Rapids, IA has absolutely zero pedophiles hopping around inside of it right now, allowing the children to bounce freely and safely while their parents watch on with the peace of mind that can only come from knowing your child isn’t being targeted by evil sickos. Considering that moon bounces are large, brightly colored beacons to pedophiles and are generally not equipped with security measures to prevent them from gaining access, the fact that no perverts have taken off their shoes and crawled inside this particular moon bounce is pretty awesome, and the parents at the block party are rightfully celebrating by starting wine o’clock a little early today.

Savor the moment, parents! The “Lolita Express Of Moon Bounces” this is not!

“I think it’s just fantastic,” said Lizzy Epperman, a local mother in attendance, upon being informed that the moon bounce was completely free of pedophiles. “Now I can go grab a plate of food or socialize with other adults without worrying that there might be a pedophile befriending my children while they’re bouncing around in there. I’m feeling really at ease right now.”

Just awesome. If you’re a parent in Cedar Rapids, you should definitely bring your children to this block party right away, because this is just about as good as it gets. Here’s hoping all the pedophiles in town stay at home for the rest of the block party—and maybe even forever!