DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend took me to a swingers’ party without telling me beforehand what it was – and got me to have a threesome with him and his mate.

He told me we were invited to a party at a friend of a friend’s house. He said he’d heard they threw great parties, with lots of alcohol, and we should give it a go.

3 My boyfriend took me into a swingers' party without telling me what it was Credit: Shutterstock

I thought I should make the effort to meet some of his friends, as we’ve only been going out for a few months. I’m 27 and he is 33.

We had a couple of drinks when we got there and wandered round the garden, but when we went back into the house the atmosphere had changed.

Women were sitting on the guys’ laps, some were kissing and more, some had their skirts way up, some were clearly going upstairs to the bedrooms.

I asked what was going on and my boyfriend told me it was a swingers’ party.

3 Once there, my fella badgered me into having a threesome with his mate Credit: Getty - Contributor

I was uneasy but I’d had a few drinks so I was not as cautious as I would normally be. My boyfriend then whispered that what he most wanted was for me to have a threesome with him and his friend.

I didn’t like the idea but he kept reassuring me that he would love me all the more for it, and just kept on and on. I finally agreed and we did what he wanted.

I felt very uncomfortable afterwards about what had happened — particularly the fact that my boyfriend had sex with the other guy. It never occurred to me that they would go that far.

I now wonder if he is more attracted to guys than women. I have not said anything about it to him so far but there is a definite atmosphere between us and I can’t go near him sexually since that night. I don’t know whether I should tell him how I am feeling.

3 I now wonder if he is into men as he was the one having sex with the other guy Credit: Getty - Contributor

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DEIDRE SAYS: You almost sound as though you don’t feel you have the right to your own feelings. Of course you do!

If you feel betrayed and misled, say so. Not telling you beforehand that it was a swingers’ party was unforgivable. Springing the threesome idea on you after a few drinks was manipulative. He didn’t care about your feelings, so don’t be overmindful about his.

If you don’t speak out, and just drift back into this relationship, you will always resent his behaviour.

He has also been less than honest with you about being sexually attracted to other males.

Ask yourself seriously if this kind of lifestyle is for you. Swapping, swinging and threesomes do mess with people’s emotions. This is why they are best avoided.

Unless he is truly sorry, promises he will never spring something like that on you again, says you are the only one he loves and promises he will be faithful, move on and find someone who will put you first.

Get in touch with Deidre today Got a problem? Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.