El Barrio, New York — Emmy and ALMA award winning actor Jimmy Smits is officially on the Disney payroll! According to sources, a hefty envelope was trucked in to Smits’ estate last week by a team of Mouseketeers accompanied by a considerable security detail. When pressed for comment, the actor gave FSW the following exclusive statement:

I’m thrilled to be part of the Disney family. The Pirates franchise is one near and dear to my heart, and I look forward to slathering my butter pecan sexy all over the next installment. Everywhere I go, people tell me I look like the love child of Captain Morgan and Antonio Banderas, so in a way, this is a role I was born to play. And hey, if it’s Star Wars again, or a live adaptation of a cartoon, or the voice of an animal in something, I am equally excited. While I can’t really go into specifics, I can tell you this much: Mr & Mrs. Smits are getting sweet new summer digs.

This is huge news for Rogue One fans, as it confirms what everyone always suspected: Bail Organa is corrupt and motivated by greed, both onscreen and off.

For the latest on this and all other fake Star Wars news, keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net

–William “Willybobo” Bobo