I thought my day was made and I reached for the economy-sized jug of lube when I read the headline this morning about a Hemsworth being in tiny shorts. And then I pushed the economy-sized jug of lube away after realizing it was just Liam Hemsworth and I wasn’t going to get a picture of Thor’s mighty ass muscles putting the seams of shorty shorts to the test. Oh well, I’ll still take it.

So, like a mysterious rash on my ass, I’ve been avoiding addressing this shit, but it’s time. Starting right now, I’m taking a semi-sabbatical (I almost wrote “slutbatical” but that makes it sounds like I’m taking a break from being a slut) from writing on Dlisted for the rest of the summer to deal with health stuff, recharge my mushed-up brains and to write my 3,000 page unauthorized Phoebe Price biography (I wish). And yes, I can feel my mom rolling her eyes while saying, “Health stuff? Pfft, I made your lunch while dropping you off at school on my way to work after 45 minutes of sleep and coughing up pieces of my lungs because I had pneumonia!”

I’m really lucky that I can do this, but it’s impossible for me to unplug from Dlisted completely since I love it more than Hot Fries and hard dick. I’m still going to do Hot Slut of the Day every day and will also cover highly important breaking news stories (examples: shirtless pics of Prince Hot Ginge, the much-anticipated return of La Pequena, etc…). I’m going on a road trip with my sister later this week (pray for us) and once I get back (that’s if we don’t murder each other’s nerves), I plan to step into 2011 by doing Dlisted’s first podcast. You know, because there’s not enough of those in the world.

My partner in foolery, Allison, will continue to spread the messiness on the weekdays and J. Harvey will continue to do weekends. I’m also bringing in two new writers I’m into, Mieka and C.J., to help Allison during the week. They’re starting today, and I already told them that since I won’t be posting as much, they have to make at least one rotten dick cheese joke a week to keep up with quota.

Oh, and there may also be a little redesign coming soon-ish.

I know, all these changes. I would take your hand and thank you for reading Dlisted and for supporting my ass (in more ways than one), but I need both of my hands to toke up while preparing to be trapped in a metal box with my sister for hours on end!

Pic: Instagram