Man Sues For The Right To Marry Laptop In Effort To Dismantle Gay Marriage

Meet Chris Sevier, the 38-year-old man who just filed a lawsuit against the state of Texas after he was refused a license to marry his MacBook.

Yes, you read that correctly. Sevier, an amateur EDM producer who was once arrested and charged with stalking country music star John Rich, says he wants to marry his computer and the state of Texas won’t let him. So he’s suing. It’s his way of protesting marriage equality. Or something.

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Sevier believes that under Obergefell v Hodges, the Supreme Court case that legalized same-sex marriage nationwide in 2015, people are now allowed to do “morally disgusting things,” and it’s up to him to wed his computer to stop it.

“The question is, should we have policies that encourage that kind of lifestyle?” he told the Houston Press. “The state is not doing anyone any favors by encouraging people to live that lifestyle. We have to define marriage.”

He added that his lawsuit “is not a matter of who’s on the right side of history. This is about who is on the right side of reality. Are we delusional?”

Attorney General Ken Paxton, Jr. filed a motion to dismiss the case. Ironically, Paxton is the same dude who once encouraged officials to defy the Supreme Court’s same-sex marriage ruling.

“The right to marry one’s computer is not an interest, objectively, deeply rooted in the nation’s history and tradition such that it qualifies as a protected interest,” Paxton says.

This is actually Sevier’s second attempt at marrying his computer.

In 2014, he filed a similar suit arguing that if gay people could marry each other he should be permitted to marry his computer. He even went so far as to say he’d fallen in love with his machine, claiming it was filled with porn and was, therefore, more satisfying than a human relationship.

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