Women urged to wait until second or third date before throwing poos out of bathroom window

Throwing your own faeces from a bathroom window is strictly a second-date move, women have been told today.

After news emerged of a woman who got stuck retrieving a poo she had thrown from a bathroom window on a first date, etiquette experts have been quick to point out where she went wrong.

Dating consultant Simon Williams told us, “Women these days are too eager to throw their poo around and leave it with anyone.

“You need to keep a man guessing, make him work a little for it – why would he want a second date if he’s already seen you hurl a carrier bag of your own shit from his first-floor window?

“Of course, it’s absolutely the woman’s choice, and if she enjoys flinging shit, and is just looking to empty her bowels, then I say go for it – but if you want something a little more long term, then maybe chew a few Imodium before you go out.”

Women have reacted with surprise at the outdated view that women shouldn’t be looking to throw their shit around on a first date.

Emily James told us, “It’s typical of the inherent sexism that still pollutes our society. No-one thinks twice about a man who throws bags of his own shit out of the window on the first date – hell, he’s probably revered for it.

“But if a woman wants to do it, you all look down your nose at her.

“Modern women have the same needs and desires as men, and if we want to hurl a turd from a window then we should be able to do so whenever, and with whomever, we please.”