LEXINGTON, MA—Interrupting the two-time presidential candidate in the middle of her speech, a member of the Ruby Tuesday waitstaff reportedly warned Jill Stein Tuesday evening that her official Green Party response to President Trump’s congressional address was disturbing the restaurant’s other patrons. “Excuse me, ma’am, but if you wouldn’t mind lowering your voice a bit so other guests can enjoy their meals,” server Teresa Whitman politely asked Stein, who had spent the last several minutes railing against Trump’s plan to lower the corporate tax rate by 20 percent in front of a corner booth containing four other members of the Green Party. “We appreciate your dining with us this evening, but multiple tables have complained that your shouting about excessive military spending is upsetting their children. If you can’t speak at a reasonable volume, we’ll have no choice but to ask you to leave.” At press time, a defiant Stein was arguing that she had already purchased several rounds of Ruby Relaxer cocktails and was therefore entitled to denounce Trump’s proposal to cut $54 billion from non-defense-related federal programs as loudly as she wanted.

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