The Court Of Horace has ruled, and the decision is final – infinite even: teaser trailers can bugger off.

Trailers are adverts. Adverts are not precious jewels. Adverts are materials with a joint purpose – to convince people to buy your product, and to inform people about the product. The former is creepy and insidious and why we walk around like a race of sentient billboards with our Nike swooshes and names of jeans manufacturers on our t-shirts. The latter is vaguely useful, and the reason we post trailers on RPS – so you, the ASTONISHINGLY ATTRACTIVE reader, can learn more about a game you might care about. Teaser trailers fulfil none of these roles. As is adeptly proven by both Techland’s latest for Dying Light that we showed you earlier, and frankly the worst, dumbest teaser I can ever recall seeing, for Evolve, which is below.

That Techland teaser, as far as I can work out, is an advert for the 11th of February. I was considering existing in the 11th of February anyway, this year, so Techland could probably have saved a bit of time and money and JUST ANNOUNCED WHAT IT IS THEY HAVE TO SAY TODAY. Or waited until tomorrow. Either’s fine. And yes, YES!, this has meant we’ve mentioned it twice on the site so it’s bloody worked, but it’s got it mentioned in the same paragraph as a link to this.

Evolve takes things to the next level. This is an advert for the colour brown, and red cubes:



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Evolve is the new game from Turtle Rock, the people who thought of Left 4 Dead. It’s supposed to be out later this year, and is apparently a multiplayer shooter of some sort. I used to know slightly more about it, but then I watched this teaser and my sum knowledge went down.

You may argue that we’re having our cake and eating it here, complaining about this teaser and then posting it anyway. And you’d be right. But then it’s only me and Craig today, and we’ve got fourteen posts to write, and I’m trying to get my Lego Film Videogame review finished, and then there’s the lawyer stuff to deal with, and shut up.