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Sorry, the jokes in this write-up are a little forced.

Alright, Gerald! You say every year that you're going to get into shape, and you know what? This year, I'm holding you to it!

"Thanks Derrick, but I'm trying something different this year."

Oh yeah, what's that?

"I'm not going to get in shape; I'm just going to convince people I got in shape."

Huh?

"Here, I'll show you. Look me in the eyes and don't pay attention to the thing I do with my hand, okay?"

Okay.

"Cool. Here goes: I am in great shape."

You are in great shape.

"I am just so friggin' ripped."

You are just so friggin' ripped.

"You are jealous of my chiseled physique."

I am jealous of your chiseled physique.

"See! It totally works!"

Wait, what just happened? I think I might've blacked out for a minute.

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