It's hard to look away when faced with the horrors of this world, and I guess that's why I'm already back with another look at some of the most horrific chunks of plastic this world has ever produced.

Anytime you take a trip through the action figure black market, it's always good to keep a puke bag in tow. You never know when these malformed monsters will send you beyond your limits. But I've taken it upon myself to expose the universe's most abominable bootlegs for what they truly are. I beg you to look away and forget you ever saw this post, but if you must continue, at least pull your trashcan a little closer.

1. Bizjello

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Apparently it's incredibly difficult to print and attach the most iconic symbol of superheroes the world has ever known, or maybe these bootleggers were really just trying to make a Bizarro figure. That must be why they made him out of a Jell-O mold instead of a plastic one. You can even see the molded "S" aligned properly beneath the sticker, but everyone knows you can't paint Jell-O. This figure also marks the return of the beloved fruit roll-up cape, so it's not all bad.

2. He-Guerrero

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I have to be honest, aside from the deep flashing on the arms and disconnected articulation at the calves, I actually kind of like this figure. It's certainly not the worst He-Man knock-off we've seen, and the rest of the line pictured in the background looks pretty nifty as well. I just couldn't figure out why the line would ever be called "Cowboys of Space". Turns out "vaquero" is cowboy in Spanish, not "guerrero", so that explaned a lot...

3. Fugivoid

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This figure is actually a miniature robot-shaped black hole with a gravitational pull so strong that it's sucking in the very blister meant to protect it. Nothing else could explain the horrific heap of mangled plastic surrounding the ...horrific heap of mangled plastic. And who knew the words "teenage", "mutant", and "ninja" were censored in whatever god-forsaken factory this comes from. Why else would they have censor bars covering them?

4. Pierce-Or

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There are so many things I could say about this figure (the Batman card?!, the walkie talkie?!?, the golden sewer grate armor?!?!), but I just can't get beyond the prominent piercing in the crotch region. Pierce-Or indeed.

5. Bat Hero

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The fact that this set was described as "rare" is no surprise. Anyone who finds one in person is immediately compelled to destroy it and remove its scourge from the universe. They then become the "Bat Hero" themselves. The world's greatest honor.

I hope you made it through today's journey without a run to the trashcan. If you did, congratulations, because you've now seen some of the ugliest terrors that the action figure industry has ever seen. I only have one thing left to say to the hooligans who made these hellions...

Knock it off.