Today, we start a regular new feature on The Plank: Florida or Russia? Both places produce stories that boggle the mind: cannibalistic meth heads, people getting into bar fights so vicious they end in death when one guy puts his shoe-clad foot up another guy's rectum, etc. So we've decided to play a little game with them, since it's so often so hard to tell the difference.

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On the night of August 20, around 20 people broke the lock on the aquarium of a neighboring town, where some of them held down the guards and the others began wrapping up what they'd come for: "four animals, including dolphins and belugas." When the police arrived on the scene, the perpetrators presented them with "printouts of the decisions of various appellate courts" that said the aquarium had come to own the animals illegally.

Florida or Russia?

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Last Friday, a 24-year-old mermaid was severely injured when she fell off a boat and hit the propeller, nearly severing her left leg, authorities said. Her two friends in the boat, also mermaids, were unharmed.