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WITH EVERYWHERE in effective lockdown, barbers, hair stylists, nail technicians, brow threaders, waxers and tanning salons are no longer part of people’s everyday existence.

If you’ve run out of tan, foundation, hair dye and every other item/service essential to your beauty and grooming regime, and the local supermarket is no help the days, weeks and possible months ahead may seem grim.

But what about exploring what small things you can do to help yourself avoid looking like a toxic heap of discarded bin juice. WWN’s sister site Gash is on hand to help:

To replace the hairdresser/barber in your life why not sit in a chair in front of your mirror and talk out loud by yourself about all the things in your personal life a stranger with a scissors simply couldn’t give a shit about. It’s like the hairdressers are still open!

Look for things around the home that could be useful: grind up a packet of digestive biscuits and once they’re dusty crumbs, apply them to your skin using whatever household glue you have lying around and voila the perfect sun-kissed looking substitute for fake tan.

Need your nails done and run out of all the normal supplies? Why it’s your good friend glue again, now tear fingernail sized bits from one of the 450 rolls of toilet paper you have and glue them to your fingers.

There are online resources available, why not go onto YouTube or Instagram and follow your favourite make up artist. They could have loads of tips from watching their stories and videos, just get the timing right and watch them now before they’ve gone insane from self-isolating.

Next bikini wax: adapting the old school method for pulling out troublesome teeth tie a string to your public hair and tie the other end to the door and slam it shut. Repeat until you’ve achieved your desired look.

Okay, Gash can admit it’s hopeless, just hopeless. Give in and just embrace letting everything grow the fuck out. In a week’s time after you’re covered head to toe in body hair why not take a picture and try to sell it off to the Mail Online as an exclusive picture which proves the existence of a uni-browed Yeti.