Illustration by Julian Sancton

November 1997: MTV discontinues its hit show Beavis and Butt-Head.

June 1998: Highland High administrators reach a breaking point, award GED degrees to the two worst students in its senior class.

October 1998: Highland Community College awards full scholarships to Highland High's two worst students, on the sole condition that they never attend.

October 1999: Beavis and Butt-Head attend the "Family Values" tour. They reportedly call Limp Bizkit lead singer Fred Durst a "friggin' pussy." Before leaving, Method Man & Redman inform them that they are the two funniest people they've ever met.

November 1999: Butt-Head gains employment at a startup company specializing in developing "e-commerce" solutions for pet stores and — at his advising — porn production studios in the San Bernardino Valley. In his first evaluation, supervisors insist that "Mr. Head is a critical, forward-thinking individual critical to our evolution." Beavis remains unemployed.

December 1999: To celebrate New Year's Eve, the young men attempt to throw water on an electric transformer for "awesome fireworks."

January 2000: The much-feared Y2K virus does not, in fact, shut down Western Civilization, although the small Texas town of Highland does engage in some flash-rioting in lieu of a downed power supply. Sixty people are seriously injured, and one dies. Two anonymous sources quoted by the Dallas Observer characterize the episode as "awesome."

June 2000: When Butt-Head refuses to settle for a buyout of "anything less than a trillion dollars," his company folds — but not before handing him a severance of $150,000.

November 2000: Butt-Head votes for George W. Bush. Beavis's write-in hopeful, Prizdint Cornholio, finishes somewhere between Nader and Buchanan.

February 2001: Beavis and Butt-Head learn that they no longer need to "fish" for beer using the local homeless population, as they are now both easily 21, a local homeless man informs them.

February 2001: Beavis hospitalized for alcohol poisoning.

October 2001: Beavis and Butt-Head register for the Army, for which they are incredibly excited.

December 2001: Beavis and Butt-Head go to Afghanistan.

December 2001: PFC Butt-Head and Lt. Beavis go AWOL.

March 2005: PFC Butt-Head and Lt. Beavis are rescued by the American Red-Cross. When asked of their whereabouts, Lt. Beavis recall smoking "ASHEESH!" with a man Lt. Beavis refers to as "LLAMA BEEEEEEN LADEEEEEEEEN!" PFC Butt-Head notes: "Shut up, Beavis."

April 2005: Court-marshaled. Three-year lockdown in the brig. Dishonorable discharge.

July 2008: Butt-Head finds gainful employment as a loan officer.

October 2008: Butt-Head is called to testify at a congressional hearing on the housing crisis, then quickly dismissed for continuing to refer to one of the Ohio representatives as "Mr. Boner."

March 2009: Beavis finally loses his virginity. To Butt-Head's mom.

April 2009: A court order of separation remains open-ended, as Beavis discovers methamphetamine and can't be located.

May 2009: Bored, Butt-Head starts a music blog called "This Sucks."

October 2009: thissucks.pitchfork.com.

July 2010: Beavis and Butt-Head reunite. Mike Judge calls them to talk about working together again. They have nothing better to do. They agree.

February 2011: Daria is still nowhere to be found.

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