Reality TV, duck calls and homophobia came to a head this weekend during the "I Stand Sunday" event at Grace Community Church, a protest thrown by conservative Christians in their fight against the "dark forces" and the "radical agenda" that is (apparently) sweeping our nation.

Thousands of people showed up last night for I Stand Sunday, a rally by conservatives against the City of Houston's HERO ordinance, which bans discrimination against gay and transgender people. The televised service featured speeches from a number of well-known conservative leaders, including Fox News host Mike Huckabee and the Duck Dynasty reality star Phil Robertson.

And, as expected, it was an interesting night, thanks to good ol' boy Phil Robertson.

Dressed in only the finest of the tan-colored camp, with sunglasses propped up on his bandana-ed head, Robertson emerged to cheers from church-goers, an American flag draped across the back of the pulpit for effect.

The loud-mouthed father on Duck Dynasty has said plenty about his views on homosexuality in the past, and he certainly made no bones about it during I Stand Sunday, either. Naturally, it didn't take long for Robertson to poke fun at transgender folks. He then followed that up with some good old fashioned fire and brimstone.

"In Texas, when you're seated in your restroom, putting on your Maybelline, when I need to take a leak, I'm not going there," said Robertson.

As expected, Robertson continued in that tone the entire length of the speech. Robertson lamented about how there is no gospel in politics, despite the nation being founded on the "gospel of Jesus Christ."

Worse yet, we are now headed toward locking up Christians, according to Robertson. After all, they hated the son of God without reason, and that's what's happening to Christians around the nation.

Oh, and toward the close of his speech, Phil made sure the whole world knows where he stands on issues of equality by saying that being gay is a sin. Again. Better watch out for those lying and stealing sexual deviants, y'all.

"What would God have to do," said Robertson. "Die a horrible death for their sexual sins and lying and stealing?"

While most of Robertson's speech focused on the doom and gloom, there was a light at the end of the strange-sermon tunnel.

You see, the dark forces will ultimately be destroyed, according to Robertson. And, after everyone else dies a horrible death and are burning in pits somewhere, it is Texans who will be left on earth to rein supreme.

"This is a sign to them, your opposition, that they will be destroyed, that you will be saved, it has been granted to you, you lucky Texans," said Robertson.

Just not the gay ones.