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05/20/2010

Ellen Degeneres: Converting pop's hopefuls one McCartney tune at a time

by Jeremy Hooper

There's a sweet moment in 1978's An Unmarried Woman where Jill Clayburgh's character sits at the piano and sings a few verses of "Maybe I'm Amazed" alongside her daughter (played by Lisa Lucas):

A very real moment. From a good flick, by the way. And I say that not just because it was shot in my neighborhood -- it's really a special film. Kind of like an Abe Beame era Sex And The City, but with a bit more grit and a lot more panty hose. Check it out.

But the reason why I bring you here is not to stealthy promote SATC2 (in theaters May 27), but rather to make a point about how ridiculous the Concerned Women For can be. Especially when it comes to America's favorite lesbian and the "agenda" she's supposedly trying to foist upon poor, vulnerable "American Idol" contestant Crystal Bowersox:

(click to play audio clip)

*SOURCE: Gender-Bending AI song request [CWA]

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Yes that's right: Janice "I use junk science" Crouse is seriously implying that Ellen had more thought going on behind her song pick than just that, oh, I don't know -- it would sound good! No, no -- Janice says it was all a lez-conspiracy, dontcha know?



Now, never mind that contestants on this show are constantly gender-bending the songs, especially when theme weeks demand it of them. Never mind that Crystal herself chose "Come To My Window" for her other performance of the night, even though that one is a love song written by a lesbian, and Crystal is herself straight-identified. Never mind that the most lauded performance all season long came from a young man singing "Straight Up," a relationship made famous by a female. Never mind that the mother and daughter in the An Unmarried Woman clip so how easily this tune can travel along the chromosomal spectrum. NEVER MIND THAT THIS IS F***ING RIDICULOUS! In CWA world, it only takes a lesbian existing in public to create "concern."

Maybe I would be amazed. Unfortunately, this stuff is just par for the course.

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*EARLIER misguided Ellen outrage: Video: I'm aware that Simon Cowell is engaged. Clearly his 'agenda' must be reeled in! [G-A-Y]

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