When I was a kid, I had this idea that there were certain familial archetypes, and that in order to be happy, you had to achieve one of them. Parents were ideal, and if you were really shooting for the American dream of normalcy, siblings were required, too. There was a simple division between what constituted a happy family and what didn’t. You were a happy family or you weren’t, and your fellow family members always found it imperative to project yourselves as one of the happy ones.

Consequently, I grew up, and I learned that nothing related to a familial structure is cut and dry. Seemingly happy families could actually be broken, and those that appeared unconventional or dysfunctional could be tight-knit and loving. Sometimes you are born into more than one family; sometimes you have to create your own. There are an infinite number of ways we form and participate in families.

This is a lesson that some of my favorite books over the years have taught me: that there is no solitary familial blueprint. In honor of Father’s Day — which can be a heartwarming day for some and a heartbreaking one for others, depending on your family structure — here are a few books that have challenged my idea of family for the better.

"The Wangs vs. the World" by Jade Chang

HarperCollins

This book bleeds authenticity. The plot centers around Charles Wang, an immigrant from China who has created a beautiful and affluent life for his family. Everything is wonderful and paid for... until it’s not. When the economy and Wang’s business go bust, the entire family must adapt. Each family member hangs their heart on different hopes and stressors, and all remain unintentionally hilarious — in that kind of exasperated humor that only family members can bring out in one another. This book is the perfect mix of realism and comfort, and a reminder that money doesn’t mean much if the people you love aren’t alive and well to share it with you.

"Unwifeable" by Mandy Stadtmiller

Amazon

Reading "Unwifeable" has served as one of my most rewarding and revered experiences of 2018. In this memoir, Stadtmiller discusses the infinite tribulations that come with being a dating columnist in the catastrophic-hellfire romantic playground that is Manhattan. What could this have possibly taught me about family? Stadtmiller is courageously honest in every word — I’ve never encountered such an unfiltered bearing of one’s soul. She talks frankly about her family, and the good and bad she inherited from them that she inadvertently brings to all of her relationships. This book taught me that it can be difficult to discuss the pain you’ve experienced with or at the hands at your family, but that you are never wrong for feeling it.

"Far From the Tree" by Robin Benway

HarperCollins

If you’re looking to feel better about the world and the possibility of what kind of happiness you can create for yourself, this is the book for you. "Far From the Tree," which won the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature in 2017, follows biological siblings Grace, Maya, and Joaquin, who grow up in different families and meet for the first time as teenagers. I loved the way this book highlights how we sometimes claim such disparate personalities from our siblings — whether or not it’s true — and the way it perfectly encapsulates how siblings support each other in ways that parents can’t.

"Bone" by Fae Myenne Ng

Amazon

This short novel will stay with you long after you finish it. Leila, the eldest of three siblings living in San Francisco’s Chinatown, narrates her family’s day-to-day after it’s revealed that her younger sister, Ona, has died by suicide. It’s a story about the things that are closest to the heart of a family, and how a family deals with tragedy as both independent people and a collective unit.

"Goodbye, Vitamin" by Rachel Khong

Amazon

It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I realized I had placed both of my parents on this strange, moral pedestal (big apologies to John and Carolanne). But I’m not the first to realize that sometimes, it’s difficult to view our parents as human. "Goodbye Vitamin" is a reality check that our parents are actual, living, breathing, walking collections of triumphs, sorrows, and flaws — just like we are. The novel centers around Ruth, a young woman who moves home to live with her parents after her father shows beginning signs of Alzheimer’s disease. With Ruth fresh out of a broken engagement and her dad leaving pairs of his pants on tree stumps, there’s no shortage of struggle, but that doesn’t mean “Goodbye Vitamin” is all tragedy. Rather, it’s another gem that paints familial plight in a realistic, funny, and relatable way.

"And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready" by Meaghan O’Connell

Amazon

I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but the idea of producing another human really freaks me out. There’s the physicality of it, which seems like a real carnival, and then there’s the whole "raising your human child into a kind human being" thing, which seems rather daunting. This book taught me that you can want something — like starting your own family — and still be terrified of having it. Documenting her experience of becoming unexpectedly pregnant at 29, O’Connell’s memoir is a stream of hilarious and brutal honesty. I’ve never had children, but it was nice to see someone put words to an all-too-common set of fears about success, marriage, and motherhood.

Katie Tamola is a freelance writer who grew up in Manhattan and probably loves you. Nothing makes her happier or gives her more peace than talking about her dog or an amazing book. She writes a weekly tinyletter about books. In predictable fashion, every weekly entry includes a photo of her dog.



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