Since I broached the subject when I linked to this recent article in BBS (Bhutan Broadcasting Service) about homosexuality/queer identity in Bhutan, I figured I’d talk a little bit about what I observed while I was in Bhutan.

Homosexuality isn’t discussed.

It’s not mentioned. Talked about. Not at all.

This leads to an unusual (by Western standards) dynamic among men and women in social situations.

Since homosexuality isn’t discussed, it means that:

most people are ignorant about what it means

everyone who is gay is VERY in the closet. There are about 5 openly queer Bhutanese in the whole country (believe me, everyone knows who’s out)

but no one is afraid of being “called out” as gay just for showing affection to their friends

so, men are very physically affectionate with men, and women are very physically affectionate with women

It was very common to see men holding hands, hugging, and putting their arms around each other.

Because Bhutanese children grow up sleeping in the same room with the rest of their family, it means that even after they go off to college, live in a dorm, and gain a little autonomy, they hate sleeping alone.

All the rooms at RTC were doubles or triples – no student ever had his/her own room. It means that friends frequently have sleepovers. If a roommate is absent, a girl will sleep in her friend’s room so she isn’t alone, sharing a twin-sized bed without a hint of self-consciousness.

(For the record, men and women lived in same-sex dorms and even visiting a dorm of the opposite sex could get you expelled. So guys and girls did NOT sleep together at night.)

This means that not only did men crawl into bed with each other with equal enthusiasm, but (I have on good authority from my male friends with Bhutanese roommates) they frequently spooned, snuggled, and stroked each other’s arms. In a platonic, nonsexual way.

One of the other students from my school who went on the trip to Bhutan several years ago (a gay student who has done extensive traveling and research and has engaged in international activist movements) told us, “I’ve been in 22 countries over 5 continents, and Bhutan has the most physical affection between men that I’ve ever seen.”

But let’s get back to “ignorance”

It’s lovely that men aren't afraid to engage in public displays of affection with their closest male friends, but on the flip side…

…not talking about homosexuality or LGBTQ rights means that most of the population is very ignorant about what it means.

One of the American students on the trip with us was gay. He’s also a dreamboat – hands down the most attractive male of the bunch. So, naturally, he attracted a lot of female Bhutanese attention; all the girls had crushes on him, including one of my roommates.

When he came out to his Bhutanese friends, word traveled pretty fast – and I found myself having to console my heartbroken roommate. But I also took the opportunity to ask a few questions about what her perspective on homosexuality was, and we engaged in a weird sort of discourse about it.

Her: How can he be a gay? He’s so smart!

(Two cringes, right away. To be fair, English is her fifth language…but the phrase “a gay” still unsettles me. The second part, “he’s so smart” as a protest against why he can't possibly be gay was a weird refrain that I heard over and over again from multiple Bhutanese. I’m not sure how to unpack that.)

Her: Can I ask a question? What parts does he have?

Me: Huh?

Her: [struggling] Does he…have woman parts down…there?

Me: Oh jeez. No, no. He’s a man. He has male genitals.

Her: Because my aunt’s brother’s cousin…we think he is a gay and one time when he was sleeping my aunt looked and she said he was like a woman there.

Me: No, that’s different. [I now find myself explaining the entire spectrum of LGBTQ to a girl who has never before had to construct schemas to deal with this issue.]

Her: [silently digesting for several minutes. Finally:] But he’s so smart!

(To be fair, she was pretty heartbroken. Buuuut still.

Me: Would you rather know that he was gay, and that he couldn’t return your affection, or that he was in a relationship with another woman and didn't want to return your affection?

Her: I’d rather he was with a woman! Because then I could make him want to be with me.

(I think she missed my point.)

Her: Do you think maybe…if he tried to be with me, he would change his mind?

(Oh, here we go. Even without ever before hearing the “you just need the right woman to make you straight” argument, my roommate was reverting to it.)

Me: No. It’s not about choice. This is the way he is. Let me ask you a question: do you think that a woman could turn you into a lesbian?

Her: [looking vaguely disgusted] No!

Me: A woman can’t make him straight, either. Your sexual orientation isn’t a choice. You can’t change it. He can’t change his, either. He likes men just like you like men.

(My roommate digests this information. Her friend, who had been sitting quietly by and listening, now speaks up.)

Friend: Yeah! You can’t change it. He doesn’t like girls just like you don’t like girls.

(I’m relieved that the friend is coming with me on this one. She’s seemed to grasp what I’ve said and agrees. Roommate still looks sullen and stymied.)

Her: But he’s so smaaaart!

Homosexuality and Buddhism

Homosexuality and Buddhism have a relationship that’s difficult to pin down. In theory, Buddhism preaches a certain level of tolerance. In practice, it’s not that simple.

On one hand, same-sex relations is considered “sexual misconduct” for Buddhist laypersons. Strangely, though Buddhism doesn’t have quite the same concept of “sin” as the Western Judeo-Christian world does, my roommate did use the word “sin” when discussing homosexual relationships.

I pressed the issue and she said that Buddhists (note: this isn’t a universal statement on Buddhists – more likely refers strictly to Bhutanese Buddhists or Tibetan Buddhists or Buddhists in the Drukpa Kagyu tradition) believe that gay people are born this way because of sins in a past life. This is the first I’ve heard of karmic debt contributing to a queer lifestyle.

The Dalai Lama, the salient spokesperson for Buddhism, has made a few statements on homosexuality ranging from (paraphrasing) “as long as it’s not hurting anyone, go ahead,” to “homosexuality isn’t improper, but using sexual organs in those ways is improper…even for heterosexuals” (“those ways” meaning oral sex, anal sex, masturbation, and anything that isn’t strictly penis-in-vagina), from “homosexual acts are a form of sexual misconduct” to “everyone, including gay people, need universal human rights.”

You can see why it’s difficult to get a clear picture of the Buddhist stance on homosexuality. (Keeping in mind that Buddhism is just the umbrella term for a huge number of individual traditions. It is large, it contains multitudes.)

The Bhutanese LGBT movement is just getting started

It’s true that the relatively-new LGBT movement (the movement = a facebook page) is opening a channel of discourse where there previously was nothing.

Like I said earlier, most queer Bhutanese are still in the closet – VERY in the closet. But that’s starting to change, little by little.