TONY Blair believes there may be a role for him in UK politics as long as things remain shit enough to detract from his faults.

The former prime minister said: “Since both sides seem to be massively fucking up, I feel emboldened to consider helping out.

“Maybe there’s a job where I can keep telling people ‘I told you so’ and then gurning a little bit.”

But Blair stressed he will not remain in any political position long enough for the public to notice.

He added: “Basically I’ll do what I think is right until it all gets too awkward. Probably midway through my first morning.”