opinion

In the race for Pa. governor, Paul Mango is even wackier than Scott Wagner (column)

I'm beginning to become concerned about Paul Mango.

In case you haven't been paying attention to him, and, seriously, I don't blame you, he is a retired health care consultant and semi-obscenely wealthy person who is running for governor of this great commonwealth. (I'm not sure what a "health care consultant" does, but considering the dysfunctional state of the business of health care in this nation, well, whatever it is can't be good.)

Mango is running as the super conservative candidate, challenging Scott Wagner, the York County garbage magnate who fashions himself as a Dollar General Donald Trump. Also in the race is a nice lady named Laura Ellsworth, who, by comparison, seems almost reasonable and also seems to be pretty embarrassed to even be in the company of these two.

Now, Wagner is no Che Guevera, or Karl Marx, or even Groucho Marx. He is a conservative, but he's hard to pin down. If anything, he is among that bellicose breed of rich person who believes that just because he is wealthy people should pay attention to him. (See Dollar Store General Donald Trump.)

But in Mango's mind, Wagner is a liberal bent on destroying civilization – such as it is – one bathroom at a time.

Wait. What?

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Mango seems obsessed with bathrooms. And who gets to use them. It's kind of, well, unsettling that a person seeking to govern the great state of Pennsylvania seems to be obsessed with something so incredibly stupid. But hey, welcome to the 21st century. (I guess.)

Bathrooms have become a major issue in the race to see who will get the GOP nomination to face Gov. Tom Wolf – at least for Mango, who pummels the issue in a bizarre quest to make Wagner seem like the second coming of Marx. (OK, maybe Zeppo. I'll give him that.) He keeps bringing it up, as if who uses what bathroom is the greatest challenge facing our exceptional nation.

In a recent debate, Mango and Wagner sparred – "sparred" may not be the right word since it seemed like a schoolyard slap fight between a pair of adolescents – over bathrooms and who gets to use them and why that puts Wagner somewhere to the left of Bernie Sanders.

Now, among a certain constituency, I suppose bathrooms are a big deal. Actually, if you've ever driven the Pennsylvania Turnpike fueled by a half-dozen cups of Starbucks, bathrooms are a big deal. But that's not what they were debating about.

Mango accused Wagner of supporting legislation that would permit transgender people to use whatever bathroom they saw fit, saying that he wasn't interested in protecting the commonwealth's children from urinating in a safe place.

He said Wagner's support of legislation that would prohibit discrimination against gays, lesbians and transgender people would open the door, so to speak, to transgender people using whatever bathroom they wished – and that would lead to children being sexually abused by transgender people. Which is absurd, of course, conflating the notion that people suffering from what the medical community has diagnosed as gender dysphoria with pedophilia. It's not as if all transgender people are, say, Catholic priests. (As a service to some of my most fervent readers – at least the ones who leave voicemails at 11 p.m. – that is what's called a "joke.")

Now, Wagner should be praised for supporting such legislation. And when you think about it, it is a conservative notion, that the government should have no business trying to regulate your personal life. But Mango doesn't seem to think so. He seemed to be implying that Wagner wanted to encourage child sexual abuse by allowing people who were formerly men to use women's bathrooms.

"He's not keeping our kids safe and secure," Mango said during the debate.

It is, of course, ridiculous.

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All due respect, the pseudo-issue of who uses what bathroom is a stupid idea cooked up by stupid people who seek to exploit the basest instincts of the electorate. (I mean that with all due respect, which means, of course, that I don’t.)

Still, for some reason, Mango believes that it is among the most pressing issues facing the state. He keeps bringing it up, which may lead what reasonable people remain among us to believe that he thinks it's important.

Or maybe not.

The guy's not an idiot. At least he doesn't seem to be an idiot. Generally speaking, we don't like to think that idiots can become obscenely rich in America, all evidence to the contrary. I mean, Carrot Top is rich, and if there is anything that Americans can agree upon in these divisive times, it's that Carrot Top is an idiot.

Maybe Mango is just smart enough to tap into the bigotry and prejudice and ignorance among a certain stratum of the American population in which that kind of nonsense and magical thinking resonates. Maybe he believes, cynically, that he can exploit it to such an extent that it propels him to the governorship. (It worked for the President of the United States, so why not?)

Or maybe – as Occam's Razor has repeatedly demonstrated that the simplest explanation for something is often the truth – he really is an idiot.

Who knows?

There are a lot of things at play here. Among them is the notion – one that Mango apparently believes – that intolerant people who claim that their intolerance is based on religious beliefs should be permitted to incorporate their intolerance into public policy, that the real people being persecuted by fair application of the law are those who seek to persecute others.

Mostly, though, I think he is playing people, exploiting their prejudices and feelings of ickiness for his own personal political gain.

Maybe that's just me.

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Ellsworth, meanwhile, has tried to stay out of it. In the video of the debate, standing between the two men, she had that kind of pasted-on smile that some women have perfected when dealing with men who are acting like idiots. (As a man, I can say if I had a dime for every time I've seen that smile, I'd have seven dimes.) (Again, it's called a "joke.")

It's interesting that when House Speaker Mike Turzai dropped out of the race, because, well, he's Mike Turzai, his campaign released a statement that said, in part, "The Republican brand is not a brand about politics. It is a brand that is based on policy and ideas – ideas that matter to each individual and working family in our party."

Yes, policies and ideas that have to do with who uses what bathroom.

Reach Mike Argento at 717-771-2046 or at mike@ydr.com.