“You have every other ingredient possible, so you might as well include my bemusement.” (Credit: bravotv.com)

Written after watching the episode once,

without taking notes.

Tom skips the first Quickfire, so instead we get Richard, who is trying desperately not to be a dick even though that’s what makes him charming. Maybe Tom is mad at Padma for saying he looked a little gouty. Seriously though, the lack of Tom makes me nervous, as he is the show’s moral center. To distract us, they show way too many shots of folks doing an OK job of prepping seafood. If something is in two stages, is it still sudden death? One thing I do know is that if you fail to win a life-or-death cook-off against someone who has literally nothing to lose, you deserve to go home. Padma admits she rarely spits, yet Gail refrains from making any dirty jokes. Maybe they’re all mad at Padma.

At Judge’s Table, Richard describes Gregory’s dish as a thrilling motorcycle chase, which is not something I would enjoy eating. Mae wins because Michael Voltaggio will definitely take more than her job if she disappoints him. Michael watched this episode while slowly tearing a newspaper article about his brother into tiny little strips. The friendly guy has a ridiculous amount of ingredients in his dish, although the only one that concerns me is the black ooze he ladled on top of it. Is it possible, sir, that your friends call it “petroleum shrimp” in a not-so-nice way? George’s fish must have been quite putrid, because North Dakotan Salad has “first episode loser” written all over her face. And finally, let’s watch a teaser for the rest of the season that clearly shows us which chefs make it deep into the competition. JESUS GHOST PEPPER CHRIST I SPILLED MY WHOLE BOX OF FISH!!