When I first got divorced, I saw a psychologist for a while. I was drinking too much and running with what our mothers would call, “the wrong crowd,” and I wanted a quick fix. He was smart. I’ve heard that is not always the case. He said a lot of things to me that stuck, even though it was a full eleven years after his pearls of practicality, that I finally got sober.

One of the things he said to me was, “Now is the time for you to explore, travel and do all the things you have wanted to do.” He also made the observation, “It is forty degrees outside. You are in a tee-shirt, Marilyn. Take better care of yourself – wear a coat.” He said, “The definition of ‘alcoholism’ is when a person drinks until they are drunk every time – even if they only drink once a year…Try waiting till five o’clock and having one glass of wine. See if that works for you.”

See what I mean about the pearls? Would that I had listened… I was thinking about the psychologist this morning, because if I had done then what I do now, he would have been very proud of me. Instead, I blatantly ignored his sage advice, lied to him about all the bad stuff I was really doing and eventually quit going because, why waste the money if I was going to lie?.

It took a while, but after I put down the wine bottle glasses and started seeing things clearly, all the counseling I thought of as priggish and uncool started seeming obvious and compelling. Cold outside? Wear a coat. You moved to Michigan? Get in your car on the weekend and see Michigan (there’s a bunch of lakes). Look up old friends and make them new friends… help somebody who is not as fortunate as you. Be grateful.

I am a late bloomer. I am slow when it comes to self-realization. But I do remember what people say – it’s like a sand burr in my brain, stuck in a sock but too painful to pull out with my fingers. What Ellie calls, “Things that my mind can’t shake.”

But I pull it out – maybe fifteen years later – even if it hurts a bit. Even if it bleeds…