ABIGAIL writes in response to a post on women who “curse:”

I am not tattoo-ed or particularly raunchy but I curse a lot. I enjoy it! Cursing is not solely used to avoid fistfights. It’s used in a variety of contexts for a variety of purposes. I curse when grumbling to myself (or occasionally shouting in pain) in response to life’s various frustrations, such as misplacing my keys or hitting my head. I curse when joking about with like-minded friends. I occasionally curse, again with like minded friends or work colleagues and consistent with whatever culture I’m in, when I’m trying to convey a point with particular bluntness. Mark Twain makes this point about the value and enjoyment to be gained from cursing better than I.

Despite my love of the handful of mildly taboo words in our culture, I value courtesy. Thus, I believe strongly that, regardless of one’s sex, one should never curse AT someone (except perhaps in response to a physical threat or attack, or in a purely joking manner) and one should take pains to avoid cursing in front of people who dislike cursing.

That said, I have no patience with and am myself “turned off by” men who believe that curse words should be off limits to women in particular. To hold that an entire vocabulary and means of expression should be off limits to certain people based on their sex is an intrusive and entitled attitude. Women are people too and, as such, we enjoy venting frustration verbally and using mild social taboos for the sake of humor as much as men do. Such an attitude is far more obnoxious than a man cursing in front of a woman (which I don’t mind at all, as long as he isn’t cursing AT me).

Laura writes:

The act of cursing someone (or something) should be distinguished from the mere use of vulgar language. Abigail is mostly talking about the use of vulgar language.

It is not necessarily wrong to curse someone or something. God called down curses on people. It is okay, as St. Thomas Aquinas taught, to curse that which is evil.

However, the use of profane language is always anti-social. “Language is the dress of thought,” said Samuel Johnson. Or as Marian Horvat puts it, “Language reflects culture.” The use of vulgar expressions that call to mind sexual acts in an animalistic way or scatological functions lowers the tone of conversation dramatically. People who use profanities often are not only lazy, verbally speaking, as there are many different, more clever, less conformist ways to express frustration or dislike, they are typically suffering from anger, hostility or impatience. True to form as a proud feminist and egalitarian, Abigail believes women should imitate men even in their defects. True to form as a feminist, she is not pro-woman. I can’t imagine any of the great female figures of history, both real and literary, using four-letter words — not the great queens, not the heroic saints, not a literary figure such as Shakespeare’s Cordelia, who said, “Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.” Every time a person, male or female, uses vulgarities he lowers his own ability to express reverence and to use language, which did not evolve but was created, in a beautiful way.

Abigail’s argument is typical of any defense of ugliness. Unfortunately, you cannot convince someone by reason alone to be repelled by ugliness once they have lost the natural sensitivity to it.

People who heave their anger into their mouths are like graffiti “artists” who deface buildings. Their verbal defecations show a will to destroy our communal habitat.

— Commentes —

Bruce writes:

I think the reason why female cursing bothers me so much is because women are so beautiful. So the use of disgusting language is a horrible contrast to innate female beauty.

It’s not a control-thing or a taboo-thing.

Laura writes:

Of course!

That’s something Abigail couldn’t possibly understand, burdened as she is by conspiracy theories, envy of men, and the inability to see that the power of women is different from the power of men.

Sven writes:

Abigail is essentially denying that separate roles apply to men and women, and that good manners are important. In a nutshell, “If it feels good, do it.”

Women have traditionally been keepers of the home. The home is a place of refuge, a place of safety and comfort, separate from a rough, cruel world. Men ventured out to make a living in that world to preserve the home and hearth. How many men throughout history have felt the soreness and care of a long day at a mine or field or mill melt away as they returned to a loving wife and and well kept house? Introducing swearing into a home pollutes it with the roughness of the outside, which is why a man who swears like a pirate captain’s parrot would hang the curses up outside when he came back to his women folk. It didn’t belong in the house, just like his dirty boots.

On the deck of a ship and on the floor of an oil rig, the Anglo Saxon word that begins with “F” can be like breathing. I’m not saying it is right, but it is appropriate to the context. Women who swear constantly are degrading themselves and their role as women.

Terry Morris writes:

That’s okay, Abigail, that sort of man who considers female cursing to be off-putting (and dare I say will not permit it very long) isn’t especially drawn to your sort either. I know, I’m one of them. But I’ll spare you the (numerous) personal anecdotes I could relate from when I was a youngster heavily involved in the dating scene looking high and low for “trophy” girlfriends to show off to all my friends and relatives.