Housekeeping

Having reserved your spot in advance, you arrive between 7 and 7:30pm. We presume you will be arriving by car, as it is near-impossible to hail a reliable horse-drawn carriage these days.

(The estate is located at 110 Dielman Road, ever-so-slightly north of Ladue Road. We are not accepting rubles at the door. So please: insure there's a space for you by claiming your seat now!)

You hand your keys to the valet, who parks your car with love and care.

Now you are free to join us for tea. Hot chamomile or Iced Raspberry. (We love both equally. Both are known to calm the nerves.)

Marina, our beloved Nanny and housekeeper extraordinaire is in the business of insuring that all guests are comfortable. Except for intruders. (You're not an intruder, are you? You're not here to try--again!--to purchase that bit of land over yonder? We didn't think so.)

Please! Be our guest! Sit! Sip! Enjoy!

Act 1--Decline in the Temperature of the Teapot

Things have gone a bit haywire since the Professor and Yelena have come to settle among us. Though tea is traditionally served promptly at 2pm CST (Chekhovian Standard Time) it is unsurprising that only Marina and Astrov, the Doctor, are here as you settle in for liquid refreshment. Vanya is napping. Vanya's mother is off reading. Everyone else is out for a walk. We can't be exactly sure when they'll arrive, so enjoy your tea while it's still hot/cold. Don't wait for them. (Some days Marina prepares a few victuals as well: sweets, tiny sandwiches, perhaps some delicate pastries, but you are not terribly hungry here upon arrival, having dined beforehand.)

Act 2--It's late. Have another Drink?

Now it is night. Late night. The middle of the night. It is raining. (Or it has been raining. Or it is going to rain.) We drink Vodka. We drink wine. We drink brandy. We need it. So will you.

Between Acts 1 & 2 we offer you Vodka: Moscow Mules, Chocolate (or Classic) Martinis, Vodka Tonics, you name it. Should you detest Vodka and prefer a different sort of libation, Marina ought to be able to muster up an alternative beverage, but only if you ask politely. (To reiterate: though she lives to serve our guests, Marina is known to be very protective of the family, especially Sonya: she regards intruders as little more than pesky geese just asking to be shooed away.)

Act 3--Quarter to One: In Anticipation of an Announcement

Do you dislike like surprises? Do you respond negatively to loud, sudden noises? If so, Act 3 may well pose a problem for you. Consult your Doctor before attending. (Yelena will absolutely be consulting the Doctor. On a number of important matters.)

Fates shall very soon be sealed. And so here you are: In our home. In our hearts. It's on you now. You know the stakes. You know the players. Will we get what we want? What we deserve? This is it. (Y)our last chance. (Y)our final opportunity to affect the outcome of our ridiculous misadventures.

You may yet learn from our mistakes. For us it is probably too late. A second or two too late. Save yourselves. It's too late for us.

Act 4--The long good-bye...

Autumn will be here soon. We say our good-byes. You say yours. Three of us leave. The rest remain. We say our good-byes...again. To love. To life. To you. And you say yours. Again. (Americans may leave without saying good-bye. But Russians say good-bye without leaving. There are no curtain calls for us.)

You exit the house, unsure just how long it will take for the valet to show up with your horse-drawn carriage.

This beautiful estate is for sale (just please don’t tell Vanya or Sonya about that - we don’t need any more petty squabbles in this house). If you want to know more about the estate, contact Dielman or Sotheby. They are close friends of the Professor’s and he entrusts them to provide any information about the home. Again, please don’t tell Vanya!