John Jacobs logged into Call of Duty Mobile on the night of October 23rd without high hopes but looking for love. He immediately began asking to “suck fat tiddies” and asking “where are all the girls?” a routine he engaged in nightly. He had no idea that tonight he would be peacocking in front of his future girlfriend. We were able to contact John Jacobs in between his usual routine of masturbating to his hentai body pillow and stuffing his face full of pringles to give us this short interview.

“I didn’t know what to expect that night. I had high hopes though, so I led with my best material, which is usually calling girls fat sluts and demanding that one play with me and use mic”, a technique he had picked up from another casanova in All-Chat.

“When I said ‘will carry girl to pro for nude pics’ I didn’t expect to get a response so fast. I mean, I’m totally the shit though what girl wouldn’t want to play with me? My avatar is super good looking!”

“When TotallyaGirl123 responded ‘I got u bro’ I was estatic,” John says. “We hit it off immediately. I was a bit turned off by her deep voice but she assured me she was a girl, and that as soon as she hit Pro I would get to totally see her girl parts. I hope that this is an inspiration to all the other incels out there in CODM all chat, the spamming definitely works!”