I write a novel to immortalize you in an epic, Illiad-esque testament to your greatness. It will include art commemorating your god-like physique and your many legendary accomplishments. I will work tirelessly to make its pages smell of lavender, with a section in the back designed to hold a flask for spirits. It will be a masterpiece about you, for you. There has never and will never be anything else like it, for you.

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