Cat videos are so popular on the internet that they have become universal shorthand for the internet itself. Cats are the mascots of being online. They’re the epitome of distracting, useless and comforting. All that the internet is at its best and at its worst. “It’s time for cat massage.” Or at least that’s how we used to think of the internet. Because lately, dogs are taking over. The online rivalry between cats and dogs plays out like a battle for the soul of the internet. Think about Twitter, where every dog is a very, very good boy and every cat is hell bent on destroying civilization. Or YouTube, where we watch cats stalk their humans, and humans shame their dogs. “Did you do that to the pillow?” One pet turns its owner into prey and the other cowers to authority, looking guilty, as if exhibiting a kind of human moral compass. Nowhere is this dynamic clearer than in the differences between two of Japan’s most popular pets. [speaking Japanese] Maru the Dog. [speaking Japanese] And Maru the Cat. One of them is a happy-go-lucky man about town. And the other is a sullen weirdo, who lives out his days attempting to fit his body into a series of impractical containers. Of course, when we talk about the rise of dogs on the internet, we’re not just talking about pets. We’re talking about us. Think about it. Movies and TV shows have traditionally had a very strong preference for dogs, because they can be trained. But even if cats could be tamed, they wouldn’t agree to it. They represent our wild, uncultured, disobedient sides, the stuff we Google late at night when nobody else is watching. They are the chaos agents of the animal kingdom. “Meow.” [explosion] [shrieking] And yet, if cats are aggressive, it’s in an ineffectual way. Unlike a dog, a cat couldn’t actually kill you. Cats represent chaos without any consequence, which is kind of the way we’ve been taught to think about the internet for a long time, as a kind of apolitical playground where crazy stuff happens, but one that’s completely divorced from the serious concerns of real life. [music] The new rise of dogs online tells us something about how the internet itself is changing. We used to experience cats online through janky message boards populated with memes and viral YouTube videos passed around by our friends. Today’s internet, though, is starting to look more and more like old media, with big companies imposing order, offering convenience and extracting optimum value. “The secret to making your pet social media famous.” Dogs represent this professionalization of the internet. They can be dressed up and made to perform for their audiences in a way that cats just won’t. Maybe it’s not a surprise that we’re also increasingly turning to dog content at a time when social norms are degrading. Civil institutions are crumbling, and the weird antisocial activities that happen on the internet have effects on real life, too — sometimes terrifying ones. The lawlessness of cats, like the internet itself, is no longer comforting. Loyal, docile dogs who do what they’re told and who get along with people and wear bow ties, that’s comforting. Now we’re even starting to see a rise in the popularity of internet cats who act like dogs — adventure cats who hike with their owners, trudge through the snow, and swim, like in water. We like these cat-dogs for the same reason we’re drawn to images of animals acting like human beings — getting haircuts, and taking showers — or animals who act against instinct to make friends with one another. These videos reflect the hope that we can restore order to the internet, rein it in and integrate it into civil society, that we can literally take internet culture — [shrieking] — and put it on a leash. “Right, Dolce?” Look, I get it. But let’s not punish cats for the sins of the internet. This is about us, not them. Hey, I’m Amanda. I’m Shane. She writes the videos. He edits the videos. And if you like the videos, just keep watching and another episode will play. [singing] “Internetting with Amanda Hess.”