Before I begin, in the spirit of full disclosure: I don’t like Jozy Altidore. Make of that what you will.

Jozy Altidore is an asshole. That’s quite a bold statement right? Some things went down recently, and it inspired me to put this list together. Whether you love the guy or hate the guy, I’m not sure you’ll be able to argue these examples I’m about to provide. Altidore has accomplished many things in his career, and this post is not to take any of that away. This has to do with Jozy Altidore the person, not the player.

#10. The Kick

August 1st, 2015, Jozy Altidore was playing against the New England Revolution. He got sent off in the first half for kicking Jose Goncalves. This was 1 of 3 red cards he received that year.

Here is the full video and below is the kick itself.

I love how he’s confused on why he’s getting sent off.

#9. Jozy vs Klinnsman

In 2012, during World Cup Qualifying, former USMNT coach Jurgen Klinsmann, dropped Jozy Altidore from the roster, replacing him with Alan Gordon and Eddie Johnson. This is what he had to say.

There are a lot of little nuggets in that explanation, but it gets better. Jozy responded in a very cordial and professional way, seeming very humbled by the situation.

Aww, that’s so sweet. Wait for it…

Oh, there is the Jozy we all know and love! It’s impossible to know if this tweet was directly aimed at Klinsmann for sure, but it was tweeted the same day and deleted just minutes after he tweeted it. You can make your own assumptions.

#8. The Bench

On October 14, 2015, Jozy Altidore was shown a red card in a game he wasn’t even playing in. He apparently said something pretty bad to the linesman because according to the box score, he was sent off for “abusive language.”

Here is the full video, it’s actually a bit funny due to the confusion radiating around who was getting the card. The irony of this being against the Red Bulls is really quite special.

That’s not the first time his mouth has earned him a red, which brings us to…

#7. F**k You

While playing in a U.S. Men’s National Team match against Switzerland in 2015, Jozy Altidore apparently spoke his mind to the ref, resulting in a straight red card. Here’s the clip, apologies for the quality.

The best part of this is that his teammate Alejandro Bedoya threw him under the bus post game.

So he was even warned and still couldn’t control his asshole tendencies from spewing out. He later apologized with this.

#emotions

#6. Jozy Altidore vs Alejandro Bedoya

I’ll be completely honest here, I don’t know who the bigger asshole actually is, its a tough race between these two. This also won’t be the last time you see Bedoya’s name on this list.

In March 2017, Bedoya and Altidore played against each other in a Philly v Toronto MLS matchup. Apparently, Altidore drew a penalty, and when asked about it post game, this is what Bedoya had to say.

The thing that this doesn’t mention, is that Alejandro was saying it in what I would consider a somewhat joking matter… ok well, he had a sly smile at least. Here is the video, you can make your own decision.

Jozy didn’t find that very funny and took to Twitter to call him out.

I’m not sure why Jozy is SO into airing things out on Twitter. Bedoya later quote tweeted it and claimed it was taken out of context, but Jozy’s tweet was shortly later (you guessed it) deleted.

#5. I Can Do Better

The first example takes place during the 2011 Women’s World Cup where the USWNT captured our hearts in their superb run to the Final. They eventually lost on penalties to Japan in heartbreaking fashion, but the women were American heroes! Everyone in the soccer world knows who Alex Morgan is now, but back then, she was a just-turned 22-year-old rookie, the youngest player on the team.

Alex Morgan scored two goals in that World Cup. One in the Semi-Final against France and one in the Final against Japan. I’m not sure which goal this was after.

If you don’t remember how old school Twitter worked, let me help out.

National treasure Freddy Adu tweeted “I love me some @alexmorgan13 lol”

And asshole Jozy Altidore responded with “#balling….ur late #isawherfirst”

Ok, I will admit, it’s not the most asshole thing he’s ever said. It is, however, a bad look to have two USMNT players pining over the USWNT rookie so publicly. Maybe just save that for your dm’s or texts.

That’s not even the most asshole thing about this post. A short time later (I don’t know the dates…it was deleted), he apparently changed his tune on Alex Morgan.

Again, old school twitter was so weird.

Stancredible: “Judging by the personalities of @alexmorgan13 and @JozyAltidore17 they would make the perfect soccer couple.”

Jozy Altidore: I can do better

Let me start with Stancredible couldn’t have been more wrong, they are nothing alike, that relationship would crash and burn faster than Jozy’s USMNT career post-Trinidad & Tobago.

And Jozy, wtf man?! If that’s how you feel just don’t even reply. Was he drunk when he wrote that? I hope so, otherwise, his asshole qualities are worse than I originally thought. Lastly, you idiot, there is literal proof of you calling dibs on her with your buddy Freddy Adu. Did she turn you down because she was already with Servando Carrasco or something? Why so butthurt? I want answers!

#4. Team Vans

This one particularly irks me.

Abby Wambach got a DUI, that’s bad, there is no excuse for that. However, at a time when US Soccer was really pushing the “One Nation. One Team.” thing, this really made it evident that it was complete horse sh*t.

Alejandro Bedoya starts it all off with a snide remark about a previous comment that Wambach had made about the USMNT calling in so many foreign-born Americans. Her comments were unnecessary, but her point was that we have talent that was actually born on home soil and the foreign-born Americans were guys who couldn’t make the team in the country they were born in. Agree or disagree, it doesn’t matter. Bedoya completely comes out of asshole-land and throws shade at Abby about something that isn’t even the least bit relevant.

As you can see above, Jozy Altidore jumps in and throws shade at Hope Solo, Wambach’s teammate. At least Jozy’s diss was a bit more relevant. If you aren’t up to date on USWNT drama, Solo’s husband was hit with a DUI while driving a team van. My issue with both comments is that they’re just low blows. You both wear the same crest and you both represent your country, act with a little more class. For all the hate the two women got, the last thing they needed was to get it from their overpaid, asshole, male, counterparts.

#3. The Blonde

This one again involves Twitter and it really shows how deep Jozy’s asshole traits really run. For context, Jozy had been bantering and trolling with fans after a match. It was all in good fun. Then all the sudden things shifted and he tweeted this.

Perhaps I’m overreacting, but it’s just plain uncalled for. Not only is that rude on so many levels, but there was absolutely no need for it. It’s a terrible “joke” to make. Those are fighting words and for what, because someone participated in the banter you started? I’m really curious why this of all things struck a nerve with Jozy. I’m sure he’s been sent more insulting things. Poor Nicholas Liddle was so stunned into silence, the only word he could get out was “Wow!”

#2. TORvNY

Clocking in at #2, we have the most recent of asshole infractions Jozy has committed. In fact, this is what inspired this entire blog post. This game is still fresh in our minds, and soon, the soccer community will move on to focusing on someone else. However, here at GolazoJuice, his actions during this game will live on forever as the second most public display of assholism we’ve seen to date.

It all started when Sebastian Giovinco fouled Tyler Adams.

The two had the all so famous stare down that players do, but Jozy Altidore took it a step further. This is asshole move #1 on the day.

He gets in Tyler Adams’ face and the two have to be separated. Ok big deal, this happens in sports, whatever. Let’s move on.

Asshole move #2 was getting into it with Felipe! I won’t hold this one against him too much, Felipe is an asshole too.

This is where Jozy really made a fool of himself. In asshole move #3, he’s sharing words with Sacha Kljestan, getting into his face, and then the horrendous, Oscar-worthy flop. Cringe.

Along came halftime, I bet you thought it would end there. Wrong. Asshole move #4 is now talking to the 4th official in what I can only assume was a less than pleasant way. Greg Vanney eventually steps in to get his player away before he really does something stupid.

The jury is still out on what exactly happened during halftime, but this is what Paul Tenorio reported on what Sacha Kljestan had to say. Asshole move #5. Whatever happened, both Jozy and Sacha were given red cards and did not play in the second half. So much for Greg Vanney saving his guy.

This might just be my favorite of the day. Asshole move #6 was eventually deleted (this appears to be a theme). From calling Kljestan a snitch, to “almost got that work,” to the wishing him a safe flight (NY lost to TFC), this entire tweet is just pure asshole at its finest.

#1. The Head-butt

We have made it to the top of the list! It was a long journey that covered several years. A lot of the examples on this list were from the more recent years of Jozy’s career. You may think to yourself that there’s no way he was always like this. Au contraire my friends, now it’s time to take it all the way back to when Jozy was still just a teenager trying to make his mark while on loan with Xerez , Bursaspor , Hull City.

Once upon a time, Jozy Altidore was a 19-year-old boy trying to prove himself in the Premier League. While there he picked up a red card for a rather ugly …head-butt?

It was so ugly in fact, that his coach didn’t even defend him. Both players were sent off, the other for tossing the ball at Jozy’s head.

Cut eye, a smashed nose, and a chipped tooth. ASSHOLE!

Jozy did apologize, and for the second time in this post…chalked it up to #emotions.

So there you have it, the full list is complete! In a perfect world, Jozy Altidore will read this and send me a mean tweet that I’ll screenshot in preparation for when he inevitably deletes it. Please leave your thoughts and comments either here or on twitter @GolazoJuice. If you loved it, hated it, would have put them in a different order, it doesn’t matter! I’m really just interested in what you all think!

Here are two bonus Jozy moments that didn’t make the list. Enjoy!

– No Means No

Back when Jozy was still “playing” with Sunderland, things got a little interesting between him and the LA Galaxy twitter account.

This was a time when Jozy and Sunderland were an awful combination and LA Galaxy was going to have an open DP slot due to Landon Donovan retiring. As you can see above, LA Galaxy threw the first punch.

And then Jozy with the knockout! What’s funny about this is at the time, Altidore would have been considered lucky to have the Galaxy be interested in him, especially considering how his stint at Sunderland was going. However, it did turn out pretty good for him to land in Toronto instead.

– Coward

There is very little context with this one. A blogger by the name of Noah Davis must have written something that Jozy didn’t like. I don’t know what was said, I don’t know how this guy knew Jozy was peeved, but this is what I do know.

The real reason I added this one is purely because I’d love to know what Hope Solo would say about it. Hope, if you read this, please give us your thoughts! If you have no idea what I’m talking about, Hope Solo was suspended 6 months and had her contract with US Soccer terminated over these “coward” comments. After over a year and several public apologies later, Hope Solo has yet to receive another call-up with the USWNT.