Author's Note: So, since I don't want to clutter up my profile, and the title actually fits any story set at Beacon, I've decided to turn this story into a sort of drabble dump. From now on, Extracurricular Activities will be where I post any of my weird, goofy little RWBY one-shots that I feel are too small or too... off... to deserve their own posting. None of them will have anything to do with each other, unless I explicitly say so; they're just goofy.

I do a lot of goofy things.

(*)

Cinderblocked

(*)

Cinder Fall looked on the image of the Queen chess piece flickering on the console, and smirked. The program had been completed in record time, and she had more than enough time to escape the building before Ironwood arrived. It wasn't that she wasn't certain of her ability to defeat him if she needed to, of course… but it was a little too soon for that.

This wasn't the time for the war to start. First, they needed to get just the right tools… and spread just the right amount of terror.

She stepped up from the console, preparing to move for the window and make her escape, when the elevator dinged. Cursing under her breath, she slipped behind a nearby wall, wondering if Ironwood had arrived sooner than Mercury and Emerald had predicted. Or another group of guards, even that absurd redheaded war machine, perhaps? She was certain she could defeat anyone that Beacon or Atlas had to offer, but she wasn't entirely certain she could defeat all they had to offer. If she was delayed too long, things could become very problematic. She would have to hope that whoever it was, they would not search carefully, giving her time to reach a window or an air duct before they called for…

"Um… hello?" a painfully young voice called. "Is anyone there? If you are… come out."

Oh. Oh.

Ruby Rose. The tiny childish thorn in her side who had only been growing sharper over the months, harrying Roman's operations at all points and gathering irritating little brats to her cause like moths to a particularly annoying flame. Ozpin's little pet.

Well, some fights were worth starting after all.

Cinder smirked, stepping into view, and struggling not to laugh at the ridiculous brat struggling to stand in high heels. Yes, this would be worth doing if she could get it done quickly enough. If only for the joy of imagining Ozpin's grief at the sight of his protégé's broken body.

"This isn't a masquerade party, so maybe you should take off that…" Ruby began, before cutting herself on and blinking in confusion. "Wait, Cinder? Is that you?"

Cinder moved her hand, gathering her power and calling up shards of glass to cut through her foe… and stopped dead as her mind registered what had just been said. "… Excuse me?"

"You're Cinder! One of the Mistral students. You were staying down the hall, weren't you? With, um Emerald, and… what's his name, that douchey guy who gave up after five seconds against Pyrrha." Ruby said.

"I'm not sure what you mean, little girl," Cinder said slowly. "My name is… Evilla. And I'm definitely not… who you think I am."

"Um, no, I can tell," Ruby said. "I mean, I know I only met you once or twice, but you're not really in disguise or anything."

"What?! I'm wearing a mask, and… I mean… noooooo, I'm not that person and we have never met," she said, with a cough. "Um. Evilla. Remember, I just said..."

"But… I can see you. That mask doesn't really cover anything," Ruby said, pointing at her face. "It kinda just like… an inch around your eyes? That doesn't disguise much. Especially since you have kinda weird eyes. They're all gold, but not pretty like Blake's, just creepy. Like you're possessed or something."

"My eyes are not cree—I mean to say, that is what I would say if I were this 'Cinder' person. But I'm not. And if I was, my feelings would be very hurt by these comments. You really should be nicer to your friends."

"Oh. Um. Awkward," Ruby said, blushing a little bit. "I didn't know you thought we were friends."

"… You don't?" Cinder asked. "I mean… you don't think… that you and Cinder are?"

"Well, I mean, you don't really have any friends," Ruby said, wincing with each word. "It's not that you're not nice! … Well, I mean, you're not. But I'm sure that isn't the reason that people call you the… … Ummm. Actually, I don't think I should say it. Yang likes it, and that tells me it probably isn't a very good nickname."

"What do they call your classmate Cinder?" Cinder asked flatly.

"… The wicked bitch of the east," Ruby said, looking everywhere except at Cinder. "You know. Because, um… you're from Mistral, which is to the east, and you're such a… erm. I swear I didn't make the name up."

"The crap?! What is wrong with these people?!" Cinder snapped. "I'm beautiful, I'm talented, I'm the best fighter in a six-hundred mile radius, and you're telling me I'm not popular?!"

"I… thought you weren't Cinder?"

"… You're telling me that if I was Cinder, I wouldn't be popular?!"

"Well," Ruby said. "The thing is, you never really seem to talk to anyone except Emerald and… I swear, I am going to remember his name. It's right on the tip of my tongue. I wanna say Melvin? You only talk to Emerald and Melvin. And they really aren't very popular either, so."

"Well, obviously they aren't popular, they're losers," Cinder said. "But they're really more like minions than friends. I thought people knew that."

"How could they? You never talk to them! People try to talk to you, but you ignore them. You cut in line to get lunch and then don't even eat it with anyone. When people ask you to help out with cleanup after classes or practice, you just tell them 'work is for lesser people' and walk away. And you don't return checked out library books! Even that jerk Cardin never stole books… though that might be because he's illiterate, I honestly am not sure," Ruby said. "And again, Emerald and Melvin aren't much better. I don't know if you noticed, but they kinda just passive-aggressively snark everyone who talks to them. It gets old faster than you'd think."

"… No, it does get old," Cinder admitted.

"And it doesn't help that people are creeped out by you," Ruby continued, "I mean, beyond the glowing yellow devil eyes and never interacting with anyone and plotting in your room with your secret cabal, you kind of look at people like a kid with a magnifying glass looks at ants, y'know? Kinda serial killer-y, overall. And then there's your weird hobbies!"

"What weird hobbies?"

"Dressing up like a dominatrix and breaking into buildings comes to mind."

"… This is a spy catsuit."

"Are you spying on someone who's been a very bad boy? Because seriously all you're missing is a whip. It's kind of blatant."

"How do you even know what a dominatrix is? You're like ten years old."

"Hey, I'm fifteen. And I have an older sister who is crazy and tells me things I shouldn't know, so it all works out in the end," Ruby protested. "Besides, I'll have you know that I'm extremely worldly and very adult. And I drink milk."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think it gives me good eyes?"

"That's carrots."

"Really? Because I don't eat many carrots, but I can still see you're Cinder dressed up like a dominatrix."

Cinder opened her mouth to retort to this, because apparently the notion she was supposed to be here spying had just left the building entirely, but then something kind of dragged the idea kicking and screaming back into the light. Which was to say, the elevator dinged.

General Ironwood, the head of the Atlas military academy, stepped into the room and blinked a few times. "Okay. Well. I know that soldiers have needs, but I'm fairly sure that schoolgirl-themed BDSM parties are way outside the acceptable behavior for guards on duty."

"Hey, she's the only one dressed like a dominatrix. I'm just adorably gothic," Ruby protested.

"I am not dressed like a dominatrix!" Cinder snarled. "This is a spy catsuit!"

"For what? Erotic Espionage 3: Deep Undercover?" Ironwood asked.

"Oh, my sister likes that one!" Ruby offered, trying to remain relevant to the conversation. "She hides it under her bed, next to those Ninjas of Love books Blake thinks we don't know about. She won't let me watch it, though. She says that would be like pouring toxic sludge onto a basket of kittens."

"… Great. Well, porn aside, I think I've worked out who is on the side of the angels here. Ms. Rose, correct?"

"Yup! And the villain over there is Cinder, from down the hall," Ruby said cheerfully.

"Don't tell h- I mean… she doesn't know what she's talking about. And neither do you, Ironwood. You think yourself safe and secure in your citadel, surrounded by your toy soldiers and your brats playing Huntsman. You don't even know the depths of the darkness swirling around you, the agents that seek your e-"

"Well, we know that one of them is Cinder Fall, one of the exchange students here from Mistral for the tournament. Oh! And you should send someone to arrest Emerald and Melvin too, they're totally her flunkies," Ruby interjected.

"… Child you need to stop that."

"I thought she looked familiar," Ironwood said, nodding.

"We've never even met before!"

"I passed you in the hall once. You're kind of distinctive, with the giant hair, and the shiny golden eyes."

"Like a demon!" Ruby agreed. "They glow sometimes!"

"You probably should have worn a mask or something. Maybe even a full helmet," Ironwood said with a nod.

"I am wearing a mask!" Cinder screeched.

"Well, if you wanna call it that," Ironwood said.

"Really more like a pair of thick glasses," Ruby agreed.

"I… that… you! Oh, you two are just desperate to make this go wrong for me, aren't you? You're doing this on purpose!" Cinder snarled.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Ironwood said.

"I'm doing it a little on purpose, but only because of that time I dropped my books in the hall and you stepped on them instead of helping me pick them up," Ruby said.

"She did that?" Ironwood asked. "Seems kind of petty."

"Wicked Bitch of the East," Ruby said, nodding sagely.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..." Cinder growled, flame coming to her palms as her dominatrix outf-I mean, 'spy catsuit' glowed orange.

"It glows?" Ruby asked in disbelief.

"Oh, she's clearly stealth incarnate," Ironwood drawled.

"I'm not trying to be stealthy anymore. I'm trying to kill you," Cinder said softly, stepping forward, swords of black glass coming to her hands. She prepared to lunge…

And the elevator dinged again, Glynda and a squad of armed guards inside.

"So, I did mention that I hit the silent alarm when I entered the tower and saw all those guards you beat the crap out of, right?" Ironwood asked. "Because I did."

"… Oh. Well then."

(*)

Emerald and Mercury danced, the latter smirking in utter triumph and the former doing her best to stomp his feet as often as she could. If he noticed, he clearly didn't care.

"This is taking too long. She should be back at the dance by now," Emerald muttered.

"Relax. She's going to be fine, we both know it. I mean, even if someone saw her, she's in disguise."

"… Yeah, about that…" Emerald began, stopping only when a hand politely tapped her on the shoulder. Sighing in relief, she turned to greet Cinder…

And saw the tiny redheaded girl with freckles who had been doing the robot in the corner, smiling up at her.

"Um… can I help you?" Emerald asked in confusion.

"Yes, please!" the girl said, her tone cheerful and subtly off. "My name is Penny, and Mr. Ironwood said I'm supposed to ask you politely to come with me to be arrested, please. Well, he didn't say exactly that, but father did say that politeness is its own reward, so I thought I would add some politeness to the request."

"… Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously!" Penny said, nodding happily that she had been understood so well. "Now, you are arrested, so please come with me for incarceration. And after that, maybe I can visit you in prison and we can do each other's nails!"

Mercury, looking more bemused than anything else, said, "And if I told you that we're not coming with you? And in fact, if our cover is blown we have no reason not to start killing people and slip out in the confusion."

"I would be very sad," Penny said. "So thank you very much for not doing that!"

"… We are doing that," he said, very slowly so she would understand him.

"Oooooooooh," Penny said, her eyes widening in comprehension. "Well, that is un-fortunate. I suppose I will have to resort to secondary directives regarding fugitives resisting arrest." Her eyes began to glow red, and as she looked up at Emerald and Mercury, their pupils shifted form to become a pair of crosshairs. "Target Locked. Genocide Mode initiated. This is a live-fire zone, all civilians please clear the area."

"Wait, whAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGLLK" Emerald said.

From the other side of the dance floor, Weiss Schnee winced as she watched the tiny freckled thing Ruby liked so much mauling two of the dancegoers. "Well. Not exactly how I was hoping the evening would go."

"On the plus side, the punch is great," Yang offered. "And the fog machine was a big hit."

"Not really the machine I'm worried about, Yang," Weiss hissed.

"Um, why is Penny using her… 'genocide mode' on those two exchange students?" Blake asked as she walked up, speaking loudly to be heard over Mercury screaming like a girl.

"Oh, who knows with her? I didn't even know she had a 'genocide mode.'" Weiss said irritably.

Yang grinned suddenly. "Well, it's really more like a… Penn-ocide mode!"

"… … … Please don't talk," Blake said.

"I swear, if she gets blood on my doilies, I will have her repurposed as a dishwasher…" Weiss muttered, trying to pretend Yang didn't exist.

Yang huffed. "Well not my fault I'm the only funny one."

Twenty-eight soul-cleaving minutes later…

Emerald, Mercury, and Cinder sat in their jail cells in silence. Well, except for the occasional groans of pain as one or more of them moved too hard. Or breathed. The silence was deep, dark, and awkward as Hell, until finally Mercury said, "You… do realize that none of this would have happened if you'd just worn an actual disguise, ri-"

"Don't. Start."