Welcome to this week’s edition of the Surge, your weekly newsletter ranking 2020 presidential candidates according to wine cave jokes. (See, Pete Buttigieg held a fundraiser at a wine cave in California, and that came up at the debate, and so everyone on Twitter made a wine cave joke. Ha ha ha.) OK, let’s get this newsletter out the door. The Surge apologizes for the debate-induced delay.





In this week’s edition, we analyze the debate, obviously. All Amy Klobuchar had to do was pretend that her rival was her legislative assistant, and the viciousness effortlessly poured out. Joe Biden completed all of his sentences, and Sarcasm Bernie came prepared with one-liners. In Congress, Donald Trump was impeached and, as punishment, won’t let teens buy cigarettes anymore even as he sends them to fight in the Space Wars. Meanwhile, one candidate was targeted ceaselessly as both corrupt and a baby: a corrupt baby.