Recently I was in a coffee shop waiting for my latte when I heard a woman complaining to her friend about her boss. “She’s crazy!” she said, launching into a monologue about the boss’s antics. I waited, holding out hope that my coffee would be ready before she could say what I knew was coming, but while the barista was pouring steamed milk in the shape of a perfect heart I heard it. “I swear she’s bipolar!”

Perhaps it was true. Perhaps it wasn’t. But the fact that I could see the conclusion coming from a mile away says something disturbing about what bipolar disorder has come to mean in our cultural vernacular. Instead of being recognized as a discrete diagnosis with very specific symptomatologies, bipolar is often imagined to just be a general and nebulous kind of craziness and irrationality—a word to describe difficult people, mean bosses, and mother-in-laws you dislike. Rather than an illness, “bipolar” is deployed as an insult and brings with it a host of baggage, much of which has little if anything to do with true experiences of the disorder. At the same time, there is a different and contradictory cultural narrative about bipolar disorder, one in which it is framed as rare and extreme psychiatric condition that precludes normal functioning and lends itself to danger and delusion. Here, bipolar disorder is imagined as a kind of distinctly clinical craziness that goes far beyond your unlikable boss, entering the territory of monstrosity.

The duality of these powerful mythologies surrounding bipolar illness can make it particularly difficult to find out that your loved one is suffering from the disorder. In the absence of widespread recognition of what bipolar disorder truly is, you are often left to fill in the blanks yourself, sifting through the abundance of misinformation, damaging stereotypes, and half-truths to find some semblance of understanding. By exploring popular myths surrounding bipolar disorder, you can gain a more accurate picture of what the illness really means, helping you develop greater insight into what your loved one is experiencing, allay unfounded fears, and create new pathways to healing.