This past Sunday, a Chicago area church sponsored a Second Amendment Sunday filled with “assault” pop-tarts, “combat” cupcakes and a sheet-cake that featured a chocolate semi-automatic Glock handgun with a quote from Jesus that read “Blessed are the peacemakers.” John Kirkwood, Pastor of Grace-Gospel Fellowship in Bensenville Illinois said the idea came to him after reading a column by Doug Giles entitled “Christian Parents Should Have Their Kids Play With Toy Guns.”

“Giles has a way of exposing the absurdity of the left,” said Kirkwood, “his article was in response to some Pastor from St. Louis and his ‘toy gun’ buyback program. That and the news about 7 year olds getting suspended for threatening pop-tarts and menacing cupcakes led me to stand up for true American values and the Biblical wisdom that underlies them.” The Pastor, referring to two recent cases in which a pop-tart shaped like a handgun and cupcakes topped by plastic soldiers brought on what many felt was over-the-top school discipline, decided to respond in kind.

“We had an ‘assault’ pop-tart challenge in our Jr. Church where each child who wanted to participate chewed a pop-tart into the shape of a gun and the top four would win prizes; in this case a toy gun,” said Kirkwood, “the guns were named for celebrities.”

“Second runner up received a double barrel shot-gun that we nicknamed ‘The Biden,’ and when we presented it we made sure to say what ‘not’ to do with it in a real situation. The prize for runner up was a Navy Seal sniper rifle that we named ‘The Chris Kyle’ in honor of the American Sniper. We felt that it was appropriate,” added Kirkwood, “given the insulting way that this administration ignored the death of this American hero, yet had the crust to send a delegation to the memorial service for Hugo Chavez.”

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What was the top award? Kirkwood smiled and noted, “You know, I stood in the toy aisle for a good half an hour to choose just the right one and it turned out to be the biggest Nerf gun that I could find, and the kicker – the box was marked ‘semi-auto’ and ‘high capacity,’ so we named that one ‘the Feinstein.’”

The church had signs, sold t-shirts and even had a chili cook off to honor the day but it wasn’t all about mocking political correctness. “I instructed my teachers to plan their lessons around the Biblical understanding of the value of life, the directives to protect that life and the right to bear arms in doing so. We deconstructed the myth of the pacifist Jesus and connected the dots between the second amendment and the Bible,” Kirkwood remarked.

David Steiger, the church coordinator of Bible Boot Camp, added, “At Grace Gospel Fellowship we take words seriously, especially those of God and the founders. That’s why this past Sunday ‘we the people’ sought to honor ‘in God we trust’ by examining God ordained rights in the light of the Declaration, the Bill of Rights and most importantly the revealed Word of God. We celebrated 2nd Amendment Sunday as an assembly because we know … if Christians don’t do it, if Christians WON’T push back, the single most important experiment in the history of the world will come to an ungodly end.”

What was the general response to this rather unique worship service? “Well one couple did walk out, though I was told it was for another engagement, but overall the response was tremendous and we plan on doing it every year … and next year the prizes will be even better. Our Bible Boot Camp class (High School age) will be challenged to come up with a 5 minute speech on the right to bear arms and the winner will walk away with a Ruger 10/22,” said Kirkwood, “who knows, maybe by then we’ll have sponsors.”

As for the odds on this becoming a national phenomenon among fellow pastors, Kirkwood smirked, “you’re kidding me right? The reason this country is in this condition is not because sinners act like sinners, it’s because Christians don’t act at all. And pastors? They’re notorious cowards … anything that will come between a filled pew and a filled collection plate … the hirelings scamper away. Having said that, I have been contacted by three other pastors each from a different state who want to know more and asked me to send them material.” The pastor went on to say, “There will always be a remnant … I hope to see a new Black Robe regiment rise up and man the wall.”

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