Isn’t he wary that it might look like all this comes from a perspective of male privilege, the argument most often cited against such discussions? “There’s some very valid scepticism that every attempt by men to explain our distress, our suffering, will end up being an excuse for violence against women or for violence more generally...” he tells me. “Patriarchy seems to me like a giant self-harm machine. It feels like as a man, or becoming a man, you fear what seems to be an inherent capacity for violence and knowing that that violence is present somewhere in your circuits and if you disavow yourself, than you become the victim of it”.