Two types developed in my tit. My motherfucking tit. Fucking breast cancers.

How bad is it that I could not remember when last I showered? It was sometime last week. But when? What day?

But I am using Piperwai. My pits smell so nice. This week was a good week. My energy was back, well sort of.

And did you know there are people out there who will kick the living shit out of you when you are down because they are angry at the world and you seem like an easy target being all weak and shit….Well guess what fuckers? Kick those goddamned toxic people out of your life….Now…. Don’t wait till you want to cunt punch a bitch, just get rid of them now. Go ahead…..I’ll wait here….Get rid of those toxic bastards now….Ain’t no one got time for their piddly ass games….We’ve got cancer to beat and shit!

We as a species are dumb fucks.

We do shit.

We fuck up shit.

We repeat that shit

Will we as humans, every learn to play nice?

I highly doubt this.

So, it’s kind of a good thing chemotherapy has rendered me almost hairless [sarcastic emoticon here]. My arms are such an odd smooth. Plus, having these expanders filled to fucking monstrous proportions make it difficult to reach the pits….Boom….hair silently falls out….freeing time in the shower…. and not fearing I’ll fall over and accidentally Zorro slice my fake tits off….Hey it could happen…..If you were with me on FB years back, you may recall I Zorro’ed my ass-cheek pretty goddamned good. Had a pretty gnarly scar there too. My eyebrows & lashes are barely hanging on, mascara pretty’s the lashes a lot. Interestingly enough the majority of my head follicles have fallen, but not all & there is new growth trying to happen up there. I know it won’t stick till after last infusion on May 20. It’s tough to look in the mirror and know this is my life at the mo. It’s all temporary, they say. Any collateral effects from chemo can be corrected, they say.

Items I’ve saved on past 78 days since beginning the chemotherapy infusions include but are not limited to: Shampoo, conditioner, hair styling aids of any sort, razors (and we know how expensive those fucker are), bobby pins, straightener, hair color, and I’m sure there’s more shit but chemo brain in in overdrive this week and my brain is not using all it’s cells.

When’s the last time you’ve really felt your boobs ladies? Check all those sweet mounds of joy, regularly. Seriously girls had I not known my boobs so well, that lump I first felt 167 days ago could still be growing in me. Imagine the havoc those two fast growing invasive breast cancers would have done to my body….

As it was, I got off lucky, I still have my life sans boobs.

So it’s off with tits [125 days ago] to remove the cancers. As you may recall, I chose immediate reconstruction so in went the expanders. Some days I feel they look pretty good, and other days (most) I feel like a fucking freak. The expanders are nice enough boob shaped, but they also ride into my pits[like a balloon or a ball], and not at all round on the bottom….Oh new tit exchange how I await you….74 more days and I will be closing the breast cancer chapter of my life. Almost my entirety of 42~ again this story is not told to you for pity, it’s part of the journey.

The plastic surgeon will be removing my power port when he installs the implants. An out patient procedure, he says. Though I have found websites that make jewelry out of the power ports. I think that’s a smashing idea and if I get to keep my port, it will be fashioned into some sort of kick as piece of jewelry.

And thank fuck! I can not wait to get this port of my fucking chest. The port has seriously bothered me every day since it’s installation. It always burns as if it’s trying to scratch it’s way out of my chest. Just two more chemo infusions….I can do this shit….I can and will continue….Not gonna lie, thought it’d take me down for the count a few times. You feel as though you are spiraling into a delirium, or I did at least.

Oh and yay, guess what? I tested positive on the BRCA2 mutation. So that means the playground is closing shop; about damn time. I’m so over my monthly’s. Hopefully with the equipment gone & my estrogen positive receptors, the hormones will cease to rage…the acne will stop. At 42, I had to call my oncologist for another script of doxycycline this week~for fuck sake, my face is broken out like crazy.It’s temporary, they say. Fucking pimple fuckers. Causing pain, when I want to smile. Causing pain if I accidentally touch one of them….I’ve been breaking out since I was 9, I’m seriously over it by this point in my life. Fortunately I’ve not developed neurapathy. Neurapathy is a common side effect, they say.

The sun is shining. Get off your ass and get outside now. Explore some shit with your own sweet baboo. Or have a mission. 5 year olds are mission having motherfuckers. xx