Donald Trump, a Rabbi, and Plato Walked Into a Bar…

So it’s come to this in the war of elite America vs. Donald Trump: Kathleen Parker of The Washington Post tells us that “Plato would be horrified by Donald Trump’s rise.” And of course, as Post readers know, that will turn the tide with voters, who will listen to the sweet reason of that pillar of the media elite and turn away from the appeals of The Donald to our “base motives.” We will then flock to the anyone-but-Trump movement because not just the left and right elites but also Plato and Aristotle have now, through the Post, joined the fight against the “immoral,” “unethical,” and “dishonest” rhetoric of Donald Trump.

It is clear, lectures the Post’s Parker, that The Donald is not “guided by accepted rules of argument and engagement,” that he is a “world-class demagogue” who has shown nothing but contempt for “ethos,” “pathos,” and “logos.” Well. As a Donald Trump supporter, I’m not sure what the Three Stooges have to do with politics, but I realize that he has gone too far, especially in rejecting all that is important to our betters. And so to mix metaphors (what can you expect from Trump supporters -- so unsophisticated that we think movement conservatism has something to do with bowels -- but metaphors as scrambled as zombie brains after a Rick Grimes workout in “Walking Dead”?) he has tugged on Superman’s cape, and poked a short finger in the eyes of the mighty Washington Post and its oh-so cultured readers. And now the Post, aghast at the growing support for the Queens-born Trump, has rolled out the big guns on its editorial team in hopes of convincing Trump supporters that political decisions are best made by our betters on both the left and right. And so into the war on Trump and a popular culture that has millions tuning into The Apprentice instead of PBS NewsHour strides Kathleen Parker. This staple of the Washington and New York City social circuit is celebrated as a Beltway treasure, whose pronouncements on outside-the-Beltway life (e.g., people with Southern accents are not smart, sophisticated people read The Washington Post, and internet journalism is another form of terrorism) have long informed the conversation in Georgetown parlors. She is prized by the elites and The Washington Post editorial board (but I repeat myself) for her self-proclaimed ability to translate for the ruling class the wishes and dreams of those of us who reside outside the Beltway, for staying in “touch with (the) normal people” she “endearingly” refers to as “Bubbas.” And so Parker, who pals with MSNBC’s Chris Matthews and columnist David Brooks of The New York Times (who just recently admitted to “spending large chunks of my life in the bourgeois strata” -- yes, he really talks like that, my fellow Bubbas), has used the hallowed ink and pixels of her Washington Post column to tell us Bubbas out here to listen up: I’m talking to you, New York state (which, with the exception of Manhattan, voted Trump), Connecticut, Virginia, South Carolina and just about every geography where the Bubbas have voted. Don’t you understand that Plato would just hate Trump? That Aristotle would regard The Donald as an “unsavory” demagogue? Why? Because that ancient Greek icons of our cultural elites envisioned that those practicing persuasion would be guided by “accepted rules of argument and engagement….” You know, the politically correct stuff of the left and the right. Which The Donald ignores. Why, she recently visited a law school class at the University of Virginia and everyone, simply everyone agreed that Trump “operates in a substance-free zone of narcissistic fantasy.” And these students, urged on by an incredibly sharp professor who agrees with the Post about the “utter catastrophe” represented by The Donald, echoed her that the ignorance of Trump and his Bubba supporters can best be combated by resurrecting Plato and Aristotle. The Bubbas need to be exposed to the enlightened discourse favored by, say, Parker and Brooks and UVA elites-in-training before the need arises -- in the fashion of classic Greek political philosophy -- to take the vote from those of us who are simply “credulous people eager to believe” what Trump is selling. Whoa! That’ll teach us! Nothing like an intense round of Plato-shaming to make us realize just how wrong we are to vote for The Donald. It’s time to turn off The Bachelor, put down that clicker, and think about…Plato. And, for good measure, reflect upon Aristotle. Plato, of course, was Aristotle’s mentor, as anyone who is someone knows. Supporting Trump? Parker urges us to consider this: WWPD -- What Would Plato Do? After which we should spend some time “channeling Aristotle.” Wow. You can already hear the ‘aha’s” bursting from our empty heads as we realize: We can’t support The Donald! Plato would be horrified. And Aristotle? Hey, this guy hangs with the big guns (no, Trump supporter, we’re not talking about what they’ve got under those Greek robes). I mean, Kathleen Parker, the editors of the Post and New York Times, Aristotle and Plato and our political leadership...these are smart people. They are better people. Thanks to whom we now understand “the perilous fates that await” Trump followers! And so, all across this great nation, millions of Donald supporters are being Plato-shamed into changing our votes, perhaps even self-identifying as Aristotle, that’s how persuasive Parker is. In thousands of bars and taverns, from Vestal, New York to Panhandle, Georgia and beyond, the conversations will take a lighthearted turn as we realize just how foolish we have been to embrace The Donald: Hey, did you hear the one about Donald trump, a rabbi, and Plato walking into a bar…? Why did Aristotle cross the road? To get away from Donald Trump. How do you make an Intellectual Shake? You take it to a Donald Trump rally. Or not. NOT. So not. Honestly, as they say, you can’t make this stuff up. Left and right, they’ve been savaging him. And now, just as he’s about to clinch the nomination, these best of the best are in a panic. This Trump -- how do we stop him? Slanted coverage? Check. Let our readers know that a vote for a man of color does not include orange? Check. Call him a racist? Check. But nothing seems to work. Despair hangs heavy over conference rooms in Manhattan and Washington, on K Street and Rodeo Drive, until…Kathleen Parker offers a way out. We’ll stop Trump, she reassures them, by bringing Plato and Aristotle “back into the conversation.” That will turn the tide! Never mind, of course, that given the culture of the ancient Greeks, the first thing that Plato and Aristotle would do is weigh in on the Target restroom controversy. Greek leadership did, after all, like their little boys -- and marry 12-year-old girls. And were part of a culture that was big on enslaving captured populations, matricide, patricide and rape. Elites R’ Us, huh? Oops. Who’s “unsavory” now? Stuart Schwartz, a former media and consumer merchandising executive, is on the faculty at Liberty University in Virginia.