Dear Barack Obama,

You are cordially invited to a cookout tomorrow at my house. I would like to sit out on the back deck and discuss global warming in the 10 inches of snow and subzero temperatures that are forecasted. You, however, will not be invited inside due to my fears that you may confiscate my possessions and give to the drug dealers, thieves and prostitutes whom the police have so unfairly targeted. I also fear you may take my guns and give them to the Mexican drug cartels so they can further strengthen their hold on our border. I also admit I have a Bible I read daily and could be targeted by ISIS. However that isn’t really your concern just payback from the crusades I suppose. Stay warm my friend and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely, [Grievant]

P.S. This will require you to make a decision so I’m not EXPECTING a response.