CONSOLE: SNES DEVELOPER: Nintendo PUBLISHER: Nintendo RELEASE DATE (NA): October 4, 1995 GENRE: Platformer // review by SoyBomb Feeling the island rhythms... I have just finished playing Yoshi's Island, and I rather enjoyed it. Oh, of course, I've played through it many times over the years, but I've finally coughed up the nerve to talk about it. The graphics have this strange pastel feel, as though everything was drawn with sidewalk chalk. The music is upbeat, giving that sunny island vibe that— It's a big floating Yoshi head! What are you doing here? I'm checking on this review to make sure you aren't bad-mouthing Yoshi's Island! That there's a classic! It's definitely one of the finest games on the SNES. Anyone who owns a copy should be proud. That's right! It's absolute perfection! Nobody could MAKE a better game than Yoshi's Island! Well, I don't know if I'd go so far as to say it's the perfect game... WHAT?! You dare to defy the Great and Powerful Yoshi?! I cannot float here and take such verbal diarrhea from an insignificant "writer" such as yourself! I've seen your work here, and it's pathetic to say the least! You gave Captain Novolin a final grade of 2.0! You mollycoddled M.C. Kids with an extremely generous grade of 7.5! You actually like the thieving beats of Scooter! How could I ever possibly take you seriously? What exactly is "wrong" with Yoshi's Island, mortal? Well, for one thing, the controls for the most part are rather solid, although I occasionally had a bit of responsiveness issues with the jumping, causing a few untimely deaths that shouldn't have been. Controls are a problem, eh? It certainly is easy to cry foul from your high horse when all you need to do is sit about on your comfortable bedspread snacking on Turkish delights, pressing buttons while I, the Great and Powerful Yoshi, perform all the hard labour! Do you know what it's like to have to flap your legs so quickly as to make you levitate in mid-air? At least there weren't any issues with the concept of egg-throwing! That is a wonderful mechanic, very accurate and opens up plenty of gameplay possibilities, being able to hit things at a distance with a flying egg. Oh yes, don't we just love how Yoshi can swallow every tasteless creature in the landscape without fail and just as quickly pass it through his intestines at the speed of a runaway bullet train, calcifying its outer flesh in a matter of microseconds and then firing an egg out his tender backside? Oh yes, who doesn't love always having to apply salve on his sore butt during every trip to the pause screen from shooting out eggs like it's Easter? That does sound rough. Well, controlling your transformations is fun, too, like the helicopter or the little train on the tracks in the background... Transformations? What a joke! Listen, buddy, have you ever had your entire body scaled? It's friggin' painful, like those torturous stretching machines from medieval times. I don't care if Nintendo needed an excuse to put their new Super FX-2 chip to work: why did they have to turn me into a puddle of Gak?

Our favourite modern surviving dinosaur buddy definitely has his work cut out for him. I guess you're right. At least you didn't have to travel alone! Sweet mercy, are you stupid or what? Yeah, I know, I was doing good for Baby Mario, passing him along to the next Yoshi to eventually get to his brother, who was taken by the evil Magikoopa, Kamek. We all know the story. But who the heck wants to take an island vacation with a baby that won't stop crying like a paranoid banshee unless it's stapled to your back? Not to mention, the kid poops like he's in a contest. And really, I don't think the baby had any clue where to go! We Yoshis went all the way around the damn island before we found King Bowser's Castle in the middle! We didn't have to go through Nep-Enut's domain! We didn't have to tick off Raphael the Raven! We could have left Burt the Bashful alone! But nooooo! We had to take the scenic route to get to Luigi. And while I'm thinking about it, who in the history of birth has ever been born with a hat?! ...ummm... it must be nice to at least enjoy all the sights of the island? You might like it, but me, I tire of the island scenery. Palm trees get pretty damn boring after however long I've lived. I look young, but I've been around longer than Angela Lansbury. I don't want to visit ugly gray caves, lava pits, or a jungle with a bunch of watermelon-suckling monkeys in it. I got me some money to blow on the blackjack tables and mai-tai waitresses of Vegas, baby! For now, I'm stuck in this pastel hellhole. "Past-'ellhole." At least I can't hear that ridiculously cheerful music. You seem very bitter about all this. Can you not accept a little criticism? No video game is perfect. You bet I'm bitter, you street punk! I put my heart, soul, and many lives into Yoshi's Island, and you dare even drop a single negative remark at its feet? You should feel privileged that I slaved for you over six worlds, eight levels each including the hidden bonus stages, and yes, even a few mini-games for leisure purposes only! I dug my way through the caves, swam in the lakes, and almost toppled on the donut lifts! I sat on more spikes than anyone should ever experience in their lifetime! Who are you to criticize my fantastic adventure? I'm the critic. It's what I do. Oh... *poof* Hmmm, he left. That was odd.