Hello everyone, yes, I’m finally back, and I’ve got something very important to talk about that I want everyone to spread like wildfire on this site.

It’s gonna be long. Strap yourself in for an emotional ride.

Thank you for your concerns, I am going to try replying and posting as many asks and submissions as I can. I’m going to start this off without sugar coating it. A week ago, due to the stress overwhelming what my medicine could help with, I nearly ended my life. Not by committing suicide, but by a much more violent act. I had been pushed to the point were I had packed up, packed my tools, money to buy a gun, hotel rooms, plane tickets, vast knowledge about criminology, and a brain that was not responding to treatment.

I had planned to set out and find and murder people. I had developed a sick and twisted fantasy were I would find these people who wronged me in life, a majority not on tumblr, and I would use what I had learned for self defense for a terrible horrible purpose. I would go on a real genocide run until I got gunned down by a cop.

This probably sounds stupid to everyone, because to anyone sane it should. But of course when you are mentally ill and in the state I was in, it seemed like if I had to give up my dreams I would take away the dreams of the people that hurt me, so at least then they could never harm another person.

This is not meant to be a threat. This is just me explaining what almost happened. I of course would most likely not be able to commit murder all across the US without getting caught right away. Who knows. Maybe I would have gotten away with over 4 people. Maybe I’d just dox everyone, spill all the secrets I have that would get me in trouble, break the law,and then try to see how many I could kill. I was very messed up, and thankfully someone caught me and stopped me long enough for me to get a higher dosage and the rest and relaxation to bring me back to normal.

For anyone that doesn’t understand, my career is in education and science. I work on projects similar to the goal of this blog, while the blog makes me no money, it contains a portfolio of my work and experience and could be cleaned up and have any unsavory posts removed. I could link to my theories and show statistics on the growth and reach of my blog, and those statistics are very important. I would have a fan base of 13,000 people to transfer to another platform and follow me. However, if these allegations and lies about me being transphobic, homophobic, pedophilloic, racist, ableist, and a threat to minors persisted, they would easily be seen by any companies that searched for my blog and looked into me. They do perform background checks and look up stuff, searching those terms, and it doesn’t matter how good my defense is, if they see any claims of pedophilia or other horrible things, I will not be able to be sponsored, join the organization, or get future jobs. No company wants the next Jared Fogle. No company wants someone who gets a big PR stink from some people claiming they are “problematic” and other tumblrina phrases. It doesn’t matter if you actually are any of those things. Because of this, I’m sorry to announce I will not be using this blog as a portfolio, weeks of work are now left in a state where I can not present it as my own without being linked to this dark side of Tumblr. I can’t get those posts about me removed unless all those people deleted their posts, or their accounts. That’s probably not going to happen.

I have since heard of someone else that has gone through this. @zamii070

I am sorry to say I understand how you felt. You got the worst part of Steven Universe Fandom, I got the worst part of Undertale Fandom. We both almost died because of a bunch of brain dead punks that risked their lives and the lives of others by bullying and harassing people past the breaking point. Tumblr is incredibly toxic, it’s a horrible seething cesspool that occurs when you let these special snowflakes and people that look for anything to be offended by to complain about. They get some sense of perverted justice and self importance when they do this, attacking people for the slightest “problematic” behavior despite no evidence whatsoever. I felt that same sense of perverted justice and self importance when I was mentally ill, on my bed, holding my knife and imagining purging them from this world like Dexter until I died early.

This is why you people don’t get many mentally ill people getting jobs in this area, why you see so few of us being able to present content on tumblr, why tumblr is lacking so much long term consistent content. The ad revenue is peanuts, and no one is going to invest and risk having their job being on this shit stain these “social justice wannabes” have made this site into. Your blog, your income, can be deleted permanently by Tumblr, with no explanation or way to get it back, if they don’t want to. They are allowed to do so much horrible stuff to users and we have to agree to it when we start using the site. There is no job security, if a single thing gets picked up by the SJW crowd, you wake up to your way of paying bills in shambles. I can’t spend tons of time making stuff for this blog and I can’t hire video editors or commission artists to help me. I cannot turn this blog or use this blogs work to help my career, all because of these pathetic insults to the lowest of parasites. They seek “equality” by hating people for how they were born. They don’t want peace or for these problems to be solved. They don’t want you to stop being “problematic”, they want to keep pecking away at you and finding faults in everything and drumming up drama to feed off your popularity and amass fans by making groups dedicated against people. People like me that want nothing more than to bring to entertainment and make this site better and save it from going down with Yahoo, cannot keep doing it because of the very people on Tumblr. Every time you let these brat do what they do, you risk losing more good people on those site that produce actual content. You wonder why the people that make stuff you like hardly ever get involved in the tumblr fandoms? Because you are more toxic than the air in industrial China mixed with the water in Fukushima nuclear power plant.

No one wants to admit it. Everyone says they aren’t part of these toxic groups, or say it’s a small minority. Well then, do what I see suggested for every other group that uses that excuse. Identify the extremists. add them to lists with evidence of their behavior, block them, drive them out. Name and shame the “SJW"s or whatever you want to call them, then block them and report them to tumblr, and suggest others do the same. Let’s clean up this place, because the people doing the bullying and causing people to quit or kill themselves (or kill others) are all amongst you giving this site the horrible reputation it has for being easier to set off than a NASCAR race in a mine field. We have to clean up this environment and actually support equality and peace for major issues, not looking for ” problematic" things and trying to pick apart everything to try to make them offensive.

If I’ve learned anything from reading my messages, there’s a lot more of level headed people that are on this site than the vocal minority giving it a bad name. If tumblr staff won’t deal with the problem, the users will have to, because until this site is safe for people like me and Zamii and all other creative minds to produce entertainment, you won’t be getting as much high quality work from people that can actually get something in their career for the work they do on this site.

I am alive, I’ve got stuff ready to go up tomorrow for the blog, I’ll clean up my past posts once everyone has seen how these punks actually drove a man insane to the point he actually was going to give up his entire life just to go out and end them vigilante style. You have no idea how scary it is, and I don’t think my friend will ever be able to treat me the same way after seeing the amount of work I had put into my plan and just how cold hearted and heinous I had become when I snapped. I didn’t even know if I was going to wake up half the time in the mental state I was in, or if I’d wake up and just find myself covered in blood that isn’t my own laying next to someone’s body with a knife in my hand.

I’m getting better, it’s costly having to up the dosages and try this new medicine and all the emergency therapist visits, but at least I am still alive.

Before you try to call out or ruin someone’s life, or send them hate, ask yourself how you would feel if they committed suicide because of you. If that’s not enough, realize that you are mortal, info on how to kill and get away with it is on the Internet for anyone to see, there are lots of people that can be pushed to snapping point like me, and there’s lots of people that won’t kill themselves, but instead will turn to paying hackers to dox you, hack your accounts, make your life hell, find where you live, and even go off the deep end and want to murder you. I wouldn’t take the chance if I were you. I got to experience it. Those thoughts are not good thoughts. I don’t want to use my brain for that kind of thing again.

Sorry this is so long. Maybe I’ll make a short condensed version later will help of a writer friend when the dust has settled, or record myself saying it and try not to lose my cool during the recording. It’s still very hard and it’s gonna be a bit before my brain chemistry evens out and I adjust to any side effects. I was able to queue up and pretend to be normal on my other blogs, but I couldn’t for this one. Sorry for the scare. I’m not the type to commit suicide, I am the type to commit dangerous reckless violent acts until I die. Not only am I danger to my own future in this state, but I’m a danger to my friends, family, and everyone that upset me. I don’t want to go back to that. This next week I will be resting and recovering and posting more content.

Zamii’s story:

http://www.dailydot.com/geek/steven-universe-fanartist-bullied-controversy/