SHOP assistants who are friendly are just doing their jobs and do not desperately fancy their customers, men have been told.

The workers confirmed that they are trained to be nice to everyone because it encourages them to spend more money and are not inviting pathetic men to make passes at them.

Shopper Martin Bishop said: “I know I’m an incredibly attractive man because whenever I go shopping the woman behind the till always flirts with me. I can tell she’s flirting because she smiles and says hello.

“I like supermarkets best because I can do a really big shop which takes ages to beep through, maximising the time the sales assistant can spend trying to get into my pants.”

Shop assistant Emma Bradshaw said: “Oh, you mean that weird bloke who comes in twice a day? Yeah, we humour him because we think he’s a bit mental.”