For the second time in two days, the #Longhorns picked up a key commitment from a big-time Houston-area recruit. https://t.co/jeE6KcZgDJ — Burnt Orange Nation (@BON_SBNation) August 8, 2017

ENHANCE.

ENHANCE.

That’s it, folks. We know many of y’all already want to fire Sumlin ASAP, but here’s the nail in the coffin. A high school player about to begin his senior year has verbally agreed to play at Texas, therefore the state of Aggie Football is doomed. If only we’d had some advance warning.

There's now a clear winner in the Strong vs. Sumlin recruiting battle. Ding, dong, the Stumblin' Sumlin's dead. https://t.co/SWBvoxUzzk — Burnt Orange Nation (@BON_SBNation) May 6, 2016

MY GOD WHY DON’T WE PAY MORE ATTENTION TO RECRUITING ANALYSIS, IT WAS ALL LAID OUT FOR US.

Listen, August is an absolute shitheap in the college football news cycle. That’s why when a four-star player in a position the Aggies seldom use commits to Texas it causes such massive waves in the hype pool. It’s not like this kid’s about to single-handedly save the Longhorn program. He’s not even done playing high school ball. Maybe if we tapped the brakes a little on the hyperbole with recruiting headlines on the front end, we’d weed out some of the more desperate mania on the actual football side. Just a thought. Anyway, here’s a roast of the sentence “Tom Herman continues to embarrass the Aggies in the Houston area.”

Most Aggies in the Houston area lack the self-awareness to be embarrassed. They voluntarily live in Houston.

Trust me, Sumlin doesn’t need help being embarrassed in Houston either. Bill Snyder took care of that last year.

Say, how did it work out last time the Aggie Football program was declared dead in the water based on recruiting smack?

There's now a clear winner in the Strong vs. Sumlin recruiting battle. Ding, dong, the Stumblin' Sumlin's dead. https://t.co/SWBvoxUzzk — Burnt Orange Nation (@BON_SBNation) May 6, 2016

Not sure why they’re crowing over a tight end. Kevin Sumlin hasn’t actively recruited one of those since he was in Norman.

Speaking of Houston and embarrassing, the Aggies play PAC-12 teams in non-con games at NRG Stadium. The Longhorns play Rice.

Good thing a Texas Longhorn tight end commit has never done anything to embarrass the program.

Hey, sure would hate for folks to be wrong about a former Houston Cougars head coach being all style and no substance.

Well, Tom Herman would know about Houston and embarrassment. He led the Cougars to losses against SMU and Memphis in the span of a month last year.

The saddest part of all of this is that until Texas and A&M meet on the field again, this kind of nonsensical invention will be the closest we get to the action. Enjoy the rest of August until we can at least graduate from recruiting-related make-believe rivalry points to actual football schadenfreude.