“Are you serious?” Emberlynn asked between giggles as the door of her apartment swung shut behind her. “You’d really put that on your channel?”

Xander nodded. “Why not? I have other fans in Germany, y’know. I can give the play a little publicity… Maybe they’ll come check it out!”

“Uh-huh… And how exactly are you gonna review a play where you couldn’t understand any of the dialogue?”

“That’s half the fun!” He insisted, laughing. “Plus, I had a pretty awesome translator helping me out. I got the gist… And besides, I’ll probably just focus on how amazing the costumes are.” Xander added with a little wink.

Emberlynn shook her head in amusement. Xander had been so excited to see Emberlynn’s play in person, despite barely knowing any German. Since she’d taken the weekend off anyway, Emberlynn decided to get them some tickets for the show on Xander’s last night in Windenburg.

It had been an interesting experience to view the play from the audience for a change, rather than peeking from backstage. And getting to fill Xander in on what was happening was pretty fun… Especially when she decided to change some key details just to mess with him (They were nearly through act 2 before Xander realized that the main character was not, in fact, having a steamy affair with her brother behind everyone’s backs).

“Let’s see… So you’ve done a walking tour of Paris, and now a theater review?” She asked at last, breaking the silence.

Xander nodded. “I’ll probably combine it with the German beer review… I’m gonna try and edit it together tomorrow once I get back. Thanks for filming, by the way! And for being willing to make a cameo too.”

“My big YouTube debut… Can’t wait!” Emberlynn teased. “You’re definitely having fun with these travel vlogs, huh?”

He smiled happily. “Yeah, they’re kind of a nice change… But I’m pretty sure my viewers are gonna start rioting if I don’t put out a new music video soon.”

“Speaking of which…” Emberlynn’s eyes scanned the living room for a moment. “Aha! My dad got my message.”

Xander raised an eyebrow curiously until he finally realized what she was staring at. A low chuckle passed his lips at the sight.

“We had a deal, didn’t we?” Emberlynn asked with a smile. “If I found you a guitar, you’d play something for me… Since somebody was too chicken to bring one of his ‘precious babies’ on another flight with him.” She teased, recalling how panicked Xander had been about bringing both his acoustic and electric guitars overseas.

Xander pretended to appear offended at her words. “Hey, they already had to go through the trauma of a flight across the fucking Atlantic. They deserve a break!”

“Uh huh…” She gave him a skeptical smirk. “Well luckily, my dad said we could borrow his guitar. So this means I get the exclusive GeekWithAGuitar live performance I’ve been waiting for, right?”

With a small laugh, Xander got to his feet. “Sure, why not? What do you wanna hear?”

Emberlynn was thoughtful for a moment. To be perfectly honest, it didn’t matter what he played for her — she was just excited for the chance to finally hear him perform something live after all these years.

“Surprise me.” She said at last. “Whatever you want. I just wanna hear you play something… and sing too, maybe?” She added hopefully. Xander had a lovely voice, and often sang along with his covers too.

It was Xander’s turn to pause, seemingly lost in thought. “Well… There’s this one song. It’s not actually like, from a videogame or movie or anything… But it was one I sorta wanted to play for you.” He confessed. His cheeks seemed to have turned ever-so-slightly pink as he spoke. “I was planning on saving it for when you come visit me next month, but… I guess now’s as good a time as any.” Xander shrugged as he lifted the guitar from its stand. “Just pretend we’re like, on the balcony of my apartment in Paris, okay? You’ll see why…” The edge of his lip curled into a small smile.

Emberlynn leaned forward on the couch in anticipation as he finally began to play.

Just a few notes in, and it was already beautiful. Emberlynn almost wanted to close her eyes and just take in the sound, but then she would miss the gorgeous vision of his fingers dancing up and down the strings.

And then, just when she didn’t think it could get any better, Xander lifted his eyes to meet hers, opened his mouth, and began to sing. “Quand elle me prend dans ses bras, elle me parle tout bas. Je vois la vie en rose. Elle me dit des mots d’amour, des mots de tous les jours. Et ça me fait quelque chose…”

As the gorgeous melody continued and the beautiful words continued pouring from his lips, first in French and then in English, Emberlynn felt something rising in her chest. It was something powerful and terrifying. Something she’d never felt before.

It was both terrible and amazing all at once, and no matter how hard she tried to resist, Emberlynn knew that she could not. She simply wasn’t strong enough. And maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing…

Before she even realized what she was doing, Emberlynn had risen from the couch and closed the distance between them. Taking great care not to disrupt his playing, she gingerly reached out her arms and wrapped one across his chest and the other over his shoulder as he continued to play.

Xander glanced at her with a small smile, not missing a note as he continued. And then, much too soon for Emberlynn’s liking, his song finally came to an end. “Give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be ‘la vie en rose’…”

Emberlynn said nothing as he finished, and neither did he. Without a word, Xander placed the guitar back on its stand by his feet, then turned to face Emberlynn, his expression impossible to read.

Then, very slowly, he pulled her against his chest, Emberlynn closing her eyes against his warmth. “Thank you.” She said softly. “That was beautiful… I wish you didn’t have to leave.” In fact, Emberlynn wished he could have stayed forever. Right here, strong and warm in her arms.

“I know…” Xander agreed softly, finally pulling away from her to lock his eyes with hers. “But we’ll see each other again in no time… And I’m just so happy I got to meet you, Emberlynn.”

“Me too…”

No matter how many hundreds — or even thousands — of times she replayed that moment in her mind, Emberlynn would never be quite sure how it happened. Who leaned in first? Who made the first move?

It was impossible to say for sure. It felt so effortless and natural, it was like neither of them even made a conscious decision to do it. It just happened. Because it was supposed to.

It was soft and gentle, at first. Sweet and tender and perfect. They both broke apart afterward to lock eyes once more, a matching pair of hopeful smiles on their lips.

And then it happened again. But this time it was different. There was a hunger and passion behind it. And as Xander’s long fingers wound themselves into her hair and his other hand began slowly trailing its way up the smooth skin of her thigh, Emberlynn knew that this was it. The moment she’d been dreaming of for years.

How many times had she watched his fingers move effortlessly up and down the neck of his guitar, imagining what those same deft movements might feel like somewhere else? How long had she listened to the sound of his voice and wondered how that same voice might sound whispering words of love and lust in her ear?

After so many years of secretly yearning for something that had seemed impossible, it was finally happening. And Emberlynn already knew that this would not be like any other sexual encounter she’d ever experienced.

This wasn’t just some random guy — It was Xander. The funniest guy she’d ever met. The sweet and understanding man who always made time for her, always lent an ear when she was having a bad day, always cared about her and the things that made her happy. He meant so much to her… More than she’d ever planned for him to.

But now, if they really went through with this… What would happen after? How would this change things between them? They wouldn’t be friends anymore, would they? They’d be something more than that. Something too terrifying to even imagine.

All the lust and excitement that had filled every inch of Emberlynn’s being mere moments before was suddenly replaced with a sickening feeling of fear and anxiety. I can’t… I can’t.

Xander seemed to have noticed the change. Before she even had the chance to pull away from him, Xander had released her, now eyeing her with a mixture of confusion and concern. “Hey… Are you okay?”

“Um, not exactly.” Emberlynn shook her head slightly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Xander assured her kindly. “I know I kinda got carried away… We can take it slow. Work up to it.” His smile widened a bit. “It’ll be something we can look forward to in a couple more visits, right?”

Emberlynn felt her heart sink deep into the pit of her stomach. “Xander… I don’t think I can do this.”

The look on his face was enough to break her heart. “What?”

“You’re one of my best friends in the whole world. I think you’re amazing. And… And I don’t want to ruin that.” Emberlynn tried to explain. And though nothing she had said was untrue, it barely scratched the surface of all the doubts and fears going through her mind in that moment. “I’m sorry.”

He did not immediately reply. The seconds that ticked by felt like hours, and Emberlynn’s guilt and sadness only grew with each moment that passed.

“Ember…” Xander finally broke the silence with a pained whisper. “I… I thought we… God, are you seriously friendzoning me right now?” There was a slight edge of anger intermingled with his pain.

“I’m not!” Emberlynn insisted. “Not really… I think you’re the most incredible guy I’ve ever met. Any girl in the entire world would be so lucky to have you. I just… Xander, it’s not you. It’s me. All me. Seriously.”

“Wow, never heard that one before. Real original.” The bitterness in his voice cut her like a knife.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated. “It’s just… better this way. Trust me.”

He let out a slow breath. “This just… really, really fucking sucks.” He replied at last, his expression finally softening. “But you’re still my best friend no matter what.” Xander assured her. “And if this isn’t what you want, then… That’s okay.”

But it IS what I want, Emberlynn wanted to say. That’s not the problem… “Thank you for understanding.” She tried her best not to let her face betray her regret and guilt.

“Well, I’m not so sure I really do understand.” Xander confessed with a small shrug. “I want to though. I wanna know what’s holding you back. Maybe we can figure it out…”

Emberlynn bit her lip. “I don’t know if we can. It’s complicated.”

The man across from her sighed softly. “Look, if you don’t wanna talk about it right now, it’s okay. Let’s not let this ruin my last night here.” His smile seemed so forced, but Emberlynn appreciated it all the same. “Don’t wanna end things on a bad note, right?”

“So… You don’t hate me?” She asked almost hopefully, feeling just as foolish and immature as that little girl he’d met at the wedding so many years ago.

Xander shook his head. “That’d be impossible.”

A feeling of relief washed over her at his words, temporarily relieving some of the pain in her heart. “Good.”

Despite what Xander said, the rest of their evening together ended up feeling so awkward and strained. Though he put on a brave face, Emberlynn knew that she’d hurt Xander deeply with her rejection, and as time wore on, it seemed to get more and more difficult for him to hide that fact.

And, in turn, her own guilt and regret also became harder to ignore.

In the end, things became so strange and uncomfortable between them that Emberlynn excused herself to bed early.

Sleep did not come easily to her that night. Emberlynn laid awake for a long time, fighting back tears as she reminded herself again and again that she’d done the right thing. No matter how much it hurt them both right now, she’d done both herself and Xander a favor. Whatever pain they felt now was nothing compared to all the other potential misery she’d saved them from.

Still, there was a small, selfish part of her that wondered… What if she hadn’t stopped him? What if she’d given in? He’d probably be lying in the bed beside her right now, wouldn’t he?

How would it have felt, she wondered, to fall asleep wrapped in his arms?

I guess I’ll never know.

——————————————-

Note: Okay, first-off, if anyone is unfamiliar with the song “La Vie en Rose”, here is a link to a cover version of the song that was my inspiration for Xander’s performance in this chapter, if you’d like to listen! The original song is sung by a woman, with both French and English versions. This male version, which features the first two stanzas in French and the rest in English, is essentially what his performance for Emberlynn was like (too bad it didn’t work out though… 😦 ) https://youtu.be/GZAw9rJ2mH4

Secondly… I have a very Important Announcement:



Okay guys, I hate having to do this, but… the time has come for a semi-hiatus 😦



I am getting married June 22nd (just six weeks away!!!! 😮 ), so it’s made my life pretty insane lately. June is essentially going to be a whirlwind for my life. My 30th birthday, my bachelorette party, my wedding (!!!!!) AND the start of my and my future husband’s honeymoon, all in one month! It will be fun, but insanely busy. Plus, I am a teacher and with the school year ALSO ending in June (just two days before my wedding!), I have a lot on my plate at work as well. It’s just become too much and too stressful.

I’d hoped to keep putting out chapters once a week until the beginning of June, but I’ve come to realize that it simply isn’t possible. This means that I am going on a semi-hiatus, starting now… which essentially means we will have a new chapter every 2-3 weeks.

I know that it’s not ideal, but the only alternatives were to stress myself out like crazy trying to keep up with 1 chapter a week, or go on a full-on hiatus for 9 weeks straight… which I was originally planning on, but my awesome fiancé was actually the one who suggested this happy medium!

I’ll definitely be around on the forums and discord, so you’ll see me around the community over the next couple months, and we will have occasional chapters, but much fewer than normal between now and July. (Second week of July is when I’m anticipating returning to once a week!)

Thank you all so much for your understanding!!! I love you guys, You guys are the best and I’m so grateful for all of you! ❤