Ladies and gentlefaces, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: The intel report!

Trif’s here, and I’d like to say that I like jeb’s beard. And frequent updates. So I stole both. Okay, maybe just one of them.

v124i Alpha of Cobalt is out in the wild, and I want you to download it! “But Trif, where did v124c go?!” I learned that Oxeye had several prototypes waiting to be snatched, so I took the shiniest one! We’ll take a look after staring at this glorious animated picture!

But they don’t even have wings!

I like trains!

The freshly baked update adds Hadoukens— erm, moving platforms to the game! More specifically, map wizards now have a new spell that allows them to properly add moving stuff. While it can be used to put flying carpets in maps, it serves an even more glorious purpose:

Rolling Simulator 2014—now with public transit!

Notice the train in the bottom of the picture? It moves. The newest dark next–gen technology adds more dynamic atmosphere features to the level editor. Make good use of this new weapon, wizards. I’ll be stalking you waiting at the vault.

Gotta go slow

The evil scientists continue their possibly dark experiments with the essence of time itself. Bullet time has been refined once more, no longer trapping you like a Chrono Bomb when a throwable is getting out of your danger zone—unless it is a Chrono Bomb, of course.

Should you be dissatisfied with the default bullet time mechanic, the custom settings have been glorified to suit the entire audience. Other than changing the amount of slowdown, the options now tweak the range of reaction enhancers a little bit, and activation speed a bit more. You’re going to pick the “None” option, of course. Real gladiators experience the world in bullet time naturally anyways.

Freeze! ‘Nade time!

If you’re reading this from the Northern Hemisphere, you have successfully survived the winter—but the danger of freezing to death is not gone, especially not if you hug a Nitrogen Grenade! The newly introduced tool of icy destruction now delivers an even more cold death, exploding on impact with greater power than before. Obviously, it’s for peaceful scientific purposes. …Right, guys?

The developers have given the other explosive devices some love too. Opening doors is lame, kicking them in is cool, but making the door fly open with the sheer impact force of a grenade is even cooler! That’s right, you can now blast open a door with a grenade followed by another one, a rocket, or whatever surprise you have in your arsenal!

Nobody expects the Explosive Inquisition!

Finally, the beautiful little boxes that indicate you’re about to be shot in the face have been made more… discoish. It’s a wonder of colors, and it’s so marvelous you should see it in its full glory. Go in–game and check it out!

The Breakdown

Fine, you want the change log, don’t you? You’re in for the raw list of awesomeness? I’m in a good mood. Take it.

Alterations:

Another small Bullet Time tweak. It feels fantastic!

Made the speed at which the reaction enhancers activate part of the bullet time setting and also tweaked all bullet time settings to be more useful.

Moving tiles is now possible in the editor in a more controller and free system!

Improved predator ai slightly.

Improved Nitrogen grenades

Facing away from flashbangs is even better

OnScoreReached working and more options.

Improved fires warming ability.

Bopo now follows the player.

Warning boxes now come in player colors!

Bug–Fixes:

Fixed some eye and light animations on actors ai feedback

Fixed offers can get stuck when teleporting

Next week, we’re stealing Oxeye’s level art process! That’s a secret, though. Don’t tell them. See you.