An all-new revision of the Jihad to Destroy Barney Roleplaying Game is available on the Roleplaying page . Lots of new data, new art, and updated to handle GURPS Fourth Edition . This is the product of a year and a half's solid revisioning. Check it out!

Yeah, it's been a while. We know. Still, we're updating today with something nice and shiny:

April 30, 2006 Thought we were gone for good? HA!

The next two stories in the Jihad Universe 3.0 cycle are now available. Go check out the conclusion to the Owsen Arc , Line In The Sand , and the beginning of the For Devil & Country arc, The Day It Fell Apart .

Is Jolt Supposed To Do That? by Elena Oorebeek, our first new writer in quite a long time, and Part One of The Amazing Adventures of Recruit Brenner , by Kat Templeton

After a period of inactivity, we have two new stories in the Jihad Universe 2.0 collection:

Thanks for all the help, guys.

Also, thanks to Forum member (and the first real new member of the Jihad in a dog's age) Elana, the Jihad Universe 2.0 section now sports the ever popular Operation: Mmmmm... Sprinkles.

In the Operation Phoenix archive, the following stories: Stabbing Westward, pt. 1 A Gathering of Hosts Dragon-fear Dragon-flight Battle's Dawn Dragon-Disappearance Keep on Truckin' Battle's Day Into the Madness, pt. 1 Into the Madness, pt. 2 Dragon-Missing?!? Dragon-Sight Battle's Eve Dragon-Battle Aftermath

In the Non-Jihad Stories collection, a complete version of Son of Barney.

The Archivist is pleased to report that thanks to the efforts of Forum user DopefishJustin, we have the following new stories to add to the Archive:

December 19, 2004

Coming Soon



[Graphic: The following PREVIEW has been approved for ALL AUDIENCES. The film

advertised is NOT YET RATED.]

[TITLE CARD: August 27, 2004]

PRESIDENT JACK GROVER (v.o.)

It has come to my attention that there

is a terrorist organization operating

with impunity within the borders of the

United States. They call themselves the

Jihad, and they're extremely dangerous.

FADE IN to the Oval Office. President JACK GROVER and Homeland Security

Secretary WILLIAM LAFONTAINE are in a meeting. GROVER is holding a thick

dossier.

LAFONTAINE

Sir?

GROVER

You heard me, Billy. I want you to round

these people up. Use whatever you have to,

FBI, CIA, ATF, whatever. But I want them

in jail or dead as quick as you can.

LAFONTAINE

I... yes, sir.

[Music: Clint Mansell "Requiem for a Dream" (or the trailer music for "Lord of

the Rings: The Two Towers" if you prefer)]

[TITLE CARD: August 30, 2004]

SCENE: Federal agents in full body armor, SWAT backup, etc. storm into a large,

modern office building. They run through the corridors, up the stairs and so on

until they reach the top floor office. They halt, all pointing their weapons at

the chair behind the desk.

CLOSE-UP: The chair slowly turns to reveal DR. JONATHAN FNORD, wearing his best

Architect "I am superior to you in every way" expression.

FNORD

Is there something I can do for you,

gentlemen?

EXT. SPIRAL BUILDING, LONG SHOT: The top five floors of the Spiral Building

explode in a towering column of flame.

SCENE: A team of FBI agents push their way through a hostile crowd on Sproul

Plaza at UC Berkeley. Suddenly, the crowd turns on the agents, and shots ring

out. All hell breaks loose. KATZE BRENNER hides from the rushing crowds and the

cops by ducking into a steam tunnel.

KATZE (v.o.)

They *knew*. They knew *where* to

find us.

SCENE: RENS HOUBEN and JOSEPH LACROIX ambush a federal paddywagon at a toll

plaza in the greater San Francisco Bay area. Scene ends when RENS, standing on

the aforementioned paddywagon, gestures and several approaching police cars are

lifted several feet off the ground simultaneously.

KATZE (v.o)

They knew *when* to find us. We only

got out by dumb luck.

SCENE: Generic military command center.

GENERAL 1

The President has authorized the use of

nuclear weapons against the terrorists.

GENERAL 2

Nuclear weapons!? Against a target on

American soil!? He can't be serious, can

he?

GENERAL 1

I don't know.

(beat)

But those are our instructions.

SCENE: A *very large* number of bombers and fighter escorts flying in formation

over the Rockies towards Blanca Mountain.

KATZE (v.o.)

We've got to find out why America just

declared war on us.

SCENE: Somewhere with a view in Lower Manhattan. MALACLYPSE THE SEEKER is

holding presidential advisor ROMAN MARX up by the lapels.

MALACLYPSE

(furious)

What the hell have you done? TELL ME!

MARX

(terrified, yet oddly triumphant)

HE'S COMING! The Master is coming back!

You only have days to live, Jihaddi! The

Great Act of Love will sweep over the Earth,

and you can't stop it!

CUT TO BLACK

BARNEY (v.o.)

(heavily distored)

Hello, alll my old friends! I'm baaaaack!

SCENE: Intense air combat action on the slopes of Blanca Mountain.

SCENE: Chaos in the streets as protestors, police, National Guard, and

spongified slaves of Barney clash all at once.

SCENE: The Magnificent Twelve Jihaddi cannoning up for the fight. Shot of the

Barney-Slayer being pulled out of storage.

MALACLYPSE

Well, time to go save the world again.

SCENE: CECROPS TANGAROA doing his gun-fu thing against a horde of lizardmen

dressed like Secret Service agents.

BARNEY (v.o.)

I love you...

SCENE: DIEDRE GREIST, equipped with a robot that looks like a BattleTech mech by

way of Junkyard Wars, engages in a running... well, plodding gun battle with

Federal agents

BARNEY (v.o.)

You love me...

SCENE: An atomic mushroom cloud blooms on the surface of Blanca Mountain. The

shockwave causes dust to fall down in the base.

BARNEY (v.o.)

We're a great big family...

SCENE: Two dragons, one blue as shimmering sapphires, one black as night, (ARIS

MERQUONI and SHADUR T'KHARN, respectively) soar out of the skies above the White

house, cross in front of the camera and come to a synchronized landing on the

lawn, roaring menace and defiance in the general direction of the West Wing.

[TITLE CARD: JIHAD UNIVERSE 3.0 - FOR DEVIL AND COUNTRY ]

[TITLE CARD: This time, the whole world is watching...]

P

osted by Mal-3 at 09:23 PM