Returning to the UK on a spoken word tour, the DC punk talks being gagged by beauty, the US Congress’s similarity to penguins, and people who deserve to be set on fire

Hello Henry! Where are you and what can you see?

I’m in my office. It’s dark outside, there’s nothing to see.

You’re back in the UK for more spoken word gigs next year (1) — how will these shows differ from previous tours?

Well, the material’s different …

I should hope so!

Well yes, but a lot of comedian types have routines and monologues that they do every time. And as a performer I can’t be bored up there – you’ll see it and you won’t like it. I won’t like it. I can’t dial it in.

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As your writing and performance is based so much on your experiences, can you ever simply enjoy what you’re doing and not think about books or stage shows?

Absolutely. I become aware of my surroundings, and then when the day is over I write up my notes. I just spent two weeks on the Antarctic Peninsula, out among penguins and seals and icebergs. It’s so overwhelmingly beautiful that you get back to your cabin and you can’t even write anything – you’ve had so much beauty shoved down your throat all day that you’re gagged. But I have a camera with me and I was constantly taking photos.

How does it feel to walk among penguins?

They basically crap where they stand, and they all stand together …

I know a few people like that.

I think that pretty much describes Congress in America (2). But the first thing you’ll notice about penguins – I was warned: “Get ready for the smell.” They just stand around in it, they bellyflop in it. They’re covered in their own droppings and the droppings of their friends. It’s very pungent.

My hair, the state of my face and the state of my clothing are not what make me. I live by my ideas and my gut

Where were you – and what was your reaction – when you discovered you’d had a fossilised worm named after you? (3)

I was approaching the Antarctic Peninsula, unable to open any websites, so all I could do was weakly reply to emails saying: “I’m a fossil in more ways than one.”

Apparently it’s particularly muscular.

I’m not all that muscular (4). But it’s interesting isn’t it? It’s OK. It’s an odd way to be noted. I mean who would see that coming? Who aspires to that when they’re very young: to have a fossil named after you?

But now you’ve got it …

YEAHHH!!!! Now I can rest easy! I’m lodged in the halls of academia as part of Latin nomenclature!

If you could shut down one multinational company tomorrow, which would you go for?

(Roars) GOOD QUESTION! Monsanto (5). They keep people on the edge of starvation. They’re perfectly diabolical. You have to give them compliments, to sort of be pitch-perfect evil … They design seeds that kill themselves off after a season! They try to limit food distribution in the world! They help the poor stay poor, and the rich stay protected from the poor who stay poor.

It’ll be interesting trying to get that past the lawyers.

It’s an opinion! Just say “Henry doesn’t like Monsanto”! That’s allowed, right?

Did you dye your hair at all when you started going grey?

Oh no! No. My hair, the state of my face and the state of my clothing are not what make me. I live by my ideas and my gut. My hair went from a couple of grey stands to grey all over in a year. It just WENT! But believe it or not I absolutely do not care. Men with dyed hair – does that not look really weird? When I was a punk rocker I dyed it black a couple of times, and I didn’t even like that. The only accoutrement I’ve ever done is tattooing!

Have you ever fallen in a hole?

Physically?

It’s open to your own interpretation.

Well, let’s see. Mental holes: yeah, as far as depression goes. Absolutely crippling depression where you physically feel like you’re underwater with the sea standing on every molecule of your body. Fiscally? Yeah, I’ve been in the red to the point where I look like a lobster in boiling water. As far as a real hole? Well, yeah! My legs have fallen into holes. But I haven’t been completely consumed.

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If they made a Better Call Saul-style prequel series featuring your Sons of Anarchy character (6), what would be the storyline?

Oh, it’s a guy who got conned into being a bigot. A guy who was not a racist upon entering the world, but whatever circumstances twisted his mind to think that a different version of homo sapiens are somehow lesser than he is. It’s a de-evolution to become a racist.

Do you view all bigotry as a con?

It’s a con. Yeah. They’re basically saying: “Don’t buy a Sly & the Family Stone record.” I mean can you imagine? And that’s just bigotry of one stripe. There’s all kinds of prejudice. I grew up in Washington DC where black kids called me a cracker and hit me because I was white; it was like, I’m seven years old, what did I do to you? Who got to us? It’s like, someone told them something. All those foot-soldier neo-Nazi guys that get busted in America for shooting some poor Syrian guy on the bus, they’re getting played by guys who never get jail time. Talk about being conned.

If earnings were capped for everyone in the music industry – let’s say $100K a year – how would that change music?

Now that’s a really good question. I wonder if you should do that with CEOs and just people in the world. However, selfishly speaking, if that cap was lower than what I was making, I would holler. I wouldn’t want to earn “X” and for someone to say: “That ‘X’ is a little too ‘X’y for us.” If I earned that, I don’t think you’d get to take that from me. So I will have to side with the big rich bastards. (Laughs)

On reflection, do you think it was harsh to say you wanted to make a house record out of the sound of Morrissey being burned to death?

Well, I like the guy. I think he’s very intelligent and has real good taste in music. It’s nothing I’d say on stage now because I think it’s poorly meant, but that’s why we humans are allowed subtly evolve here and there. There are definitely some people I wouldn’t mind seeing burned to death – I absolutely have a kill list. But not good old Morrissey. I think the world is a much better place with him in it.

Who is on the kill list?

Just people who need to get got. And there’s two for sure. There are different grades. There are a few people who could do with losing a hand. And I’d happily carry the petrol can, the cleaver, whatever it takes. As far as the kill list goes, though, there are two who’ve REALLY gotta go. Every day I don’t get them I consider a partial failure.

Footnotes

(1) Henry’s Charmingly Obstinate tour hits the UK from Monday 11 January.

(2) It’s highly possible that the interviewer inadvertently trampled over a joke Henry was hoping to make himself, in which case, apologies.

(3) Two weeks ago a PhD student named a marine relative of earthworms and leeches Rollinschaeta myoplena, in Henry’s honour.

(4) He’s quite muscular.

(5) Monsato is an agrochemical and agricultural biotechnology corporation, based in Missouri.

(6) Rollins played shouting neo-Nazi AJ Weston in the motorcycle-heavy drama.