Rumors are swirling that President Trump may move to fire Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein on this Friday the 13th. As Rosenstein oversees the Russia probe, that would precipitate a constitutional crisis. But why listen to that scary bedtime story when you can read about the possible existence of Presidential Smut?

It's Comeypalooza this week, as the FBI chief Trump fired—again while he was overseeing a probe into Trump and his associates—makes the rounds promoting his big new book. The primo selling point? Whether Comey knows if The Pee Tape is real. (Trump has repeatedly denied it is.) ABC released another clip promoting his upcoming interview with George Stephanopoulos Friday as an eager nation awaits.

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MORE: @Comey: “I honestly never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I don't know whether the current president of the United States was with prostitutes peeing on each other in Moscow in 2013. It's possible, but I don't know.” https://t.co/3SsMllUjcT — ABC News (@ABC) April 13, 2018

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NEW: President Trump commented “Do I look like a guy who needs hookers?” when discussing the so-called Steele dossier, James Comey says in exclusive interview with @ABC's @GStephanopoulos. https://t.co/6P3MLeyFDR pic.twitter.com/y0wXXtiCcG — ABC News (@ABC) April 13, 2018

Folks will fixate on the first part, but the second part is a whole lot more fun. "Do I look like a guy who needs hookers?” the President of the United States asked his FBI director. The answer is not no. Also, is the president suggesting he could easily find people of other professions willing to urinate on each other while he watched, and to do it for free? That is a next-level brag.

The president is of course reacting to all this with the measured restraint we all associate with The Leader of the Free World. Others might try to drag him down into the mud, but he's determined to rise above and concentrate on discharging the duties of his office.

Just kidding.

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James Comey is a proven LEAKER & LIAR. Virtually everyone in Washington thought he should be fired for the terrible job he did-until he was, in fact, fired. He leaked CLASSIFIED information, for which he should be prosecuted. He lied to Congress under OATH. He is a weak and..... — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 13, 2018

Dot dot dot, dot dot dot...

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....untruthful slime ball who was, as time has proven, a terrible Director of the FBI. His handling of the Crooked Hillary Clinton case, and the events surrounding it, will go down as one of the worst “botch jobs” of history. It was my great honor to fire James Comey! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 13, 2018

The president's free-range use of quotation marks and capital letters continues to amaze. And "slime ball" is a new one, no?

Once again, the president may wage an assault on the rule of law today not seen since Richard Nixon's paranoid treachery during Watergate. Trump is also signaling to his associates with newly minted legal problems that he may be willing to pardon them with his purported move to pardon Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney's former chief of staff who went down while refusing to flip on the then-vice president (and possibly President Bush) during the Valerie Plame scandal. Pardons for Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen or others would be their own abuses of power—and possibly obstruction of justice.

But what's a constitutional republic, anyway? The Pee Tape might be real.

Jack Holmes Politics Editor Jack Holmes is the Politics Editor at Esquire, where he writes daily and edits the Politics Blog with Charles P Pierce.

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