Ayanna Patterson seldom refers to her daughter Alexis Patterson in the past tense, even though in the 10 years since she last saw her, Alexis' name and image have come to personify the heartbreak of the term missing children in Milwaukee.

She professes a firm belief that the then-7-year-old girl, who vanished May 3, 2002, is now a young woman, so she celebrates Alexis' birthday every April 4 - this year, her 17th, with a roller skating party.

"Alexis loves to go skating," Patterson says of her daughter, whose disappearance 10 years ago this Thursday led to a massive search involving hundreds of volunteers and one of the largest missing-person cases in Milwaukee history.

"Last year we had a Sweet 16 party for her."

Alexis' family and others will gather Thursday at Hi-Mount Elementary School, where Alexis was a student and where her stepfather told police he dropped her off the day she went missing.

The gathering will be part of a commemoration Patterson calls "Forget Me Not Day," which she hopes will help keep attention on her daughter's case, and those of all missing children.

"We must never forget her. I can't ever forget her," says Patterson, who during the past 10 years has taken the search for Alexis nationwide, appearing on numerous television shows, including "Maury Povich," "Ricki Lake" and "The View."

During an interview in her Milwaukee home, she describes her struggle to keep her daughter alive, both in memory and in flesh - a battle she says has been accompanied by an agonizing, perpetual sense of anguish, loss and grief.

"I have a pain, I have an ache, I have a hole in my heart," she says.

"I never stop hurting."

Recounting the fateful day

According to news accounts:

On the morning of May 3, 2002, Alexis was upset because she couldn't take cupcakes to school for a class treat because she hadn't done her homework.

Her stepfather, LaRon Bourgeois, told police that he and Alexis walked the half-block from their home to Hi-Mount, 4921 W. Garfield Ave., and that he last saw her crossing the street toward the school.

Along with Patterson, police extensively questioned Bourgeois, who had a criminal record that included involvement in a 1994 bank robbery that resulted in the fatal shooting of Glendale police Officer Ronald Hedbany.

During media interviews, Bourgeois, who was granted immunity in the Hedbany case in exchange for his testimony, angrily denied any role in Alexis' disappearance.

Neither he nor Patterson was ever connected with it.

The two have since divorced.

Outpouring of aid

In the weeks following Alexis' disappearance, the Milwaukee Police Department and Milwaukee County sheriff's office embarked on one of the largest joint efforts in the history of the two law enforcement agencies, setting up a command post in Washington Park and searching for Alexis by boat, motorcycle and horseback.

The search - conducted in the area between W. Meinecke Ave. and W. Vine St. and N. 16th and N. 60th streets - drew hundreds of civilian volunteers on bicycle and foot. They posted and passed out thousands of fliers with the image of the smiling little girl with the braided, beaded hair.

The image became seared into the city's collective psyche as the fruitlessness of the search seemed to break the heart of an entire community.

Through the years, age-progression images on the website for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children have depicted an older Alexis, and investigators have pursued hundreds of leads.

None of them, however, has delivered the missing daughter Patterson has sought for a decade.

"It's just so frustrating I found myself losing my mind," she said.

"Everybody has their theories, but as far as I'm concerned, I don't know what happened so I know they don't know."

Police have always been careful to stress that Alexis' disappearance was a missing person case and not a criminal investigation.

Detectives with the department's cold-case unit, to which it is assigned, were not available for comment. But Anne E. Schwartz, speaking for the department, said Milwaukee police continue to investigate every credible lead in the case.

The sheriff's office is still offering a $10,000 reward for information that leads to Alexis, and Milwaukee County Sheriff David A. Clarke Jr. still holds out hope that someone who has such information will come forward.

"Maybe someone on their deathbed who wants a clear conscience before they die," Clarke says.

"People hang onto information until they need it," he says. "Information is currency."

Not forgetting their sister

Patterson says she has to remain on guard so that the drain she feels over Alexis doesn't take away from the attention she gives her daughters Dysoni, 10, and Eri-Onna, 7.

She says she makes sure the girls grow up knowing their sister, telling them stories about Alexis and taking them to the places where she used to play.

"They are always around me," Patterson says. "I take them to school and pick them up. No bus. I barely let them out of my sight."

Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett will proclaim May 3 as "Alexis Patterson: Forget Me Not Day" in the city.

As Patterson prepares for the day, she and her daughters sort through mementos of Alexis spread across their kitchen table: a watercolor self-portrait, homework assignments written in kid handwriting, a school pocket folder with a ladybug print, photographs of a happy Alexis striking impish, little girl poses and smiling from ear to ear.

And though there is no proof her daughter is still alive, Patterson's rejection of the notion that Alexis was destined to remain a little girl forever is absolute.

"I think she looks just like me," Patterson says.

"I don't think the age-progression pictures look like her at all."

The commemoration to mark the 10th anniversary of the disappearance of Alexis Patterson will begin at 5:30 p.m. Thursday at Hi-Mount Elementary School, 4921 W. Garfield Ave., with a prayer and balloon release, followed by a walk to Washington Park. Another event in her memory is planned for May 12. Anyone with information on Alexis Patterson's whereabouts is asked to call the Milwaukee Police Department at (414) 935-1212.

