Every week, I’m going to rank the players based on their impact in the episode. These rankings are going to be completely subjective (so please don’t spend too much time critiquing them) based on my feelings of how entertaining the characters were, how they did competitively/politically, and how the episode impacted their overall game.

I’m going to keep running totals to determine who has the best season on War of the Worlds 2. The winner of this prestigious championship will be awarded the grand prize of nothing.

Let’s get to it.

RANKINGS

18. Cara Maria- I don’t care that she was in the tribunal this week, I don’t care that she and Paulie are completely running the game.

Cara has to be last this week after her absolutely embarrassing comments after Jordan’s proposal.

It’s not like this is a secret, but this week highlighted that Cara has no ability to separate the game from reality.

Her first instinct when Jordan proposed was to bring up that Tori is going to have to buy the ring because Jordan is going to sabotage the US team — a completely game-related comment literally seconds after Jordan asked Tori to spend the rest of her life with him.

The entire cast went and congratulated Jordan and Tori, regardless of whether or not they were in an an alliance with them.

Cara just stood there.

As a longtime Cara Maria fan, it’s just such a shame to see what a petty person she’s become.

17. Kayleigh- She didn’t help the constant questions about how useful she will be in a final, not even attempting to compete in the mission.

Rogan said in the episode that he’ll carry Kayleigh during the final if he has to, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this will be a Tina/Tonya Inferno II situation where the UK will lose purely due to their weak links.

We don’t know how grueling the final will be, but I don’t think there’s anyone on the US team that will hold them back like Kayleigh and CT could for UK.

16. Joss- He’s still on this show. That’s all I have to say about Joss this week.

15. Dee- She was able to get a tile for her team despite being fearful of heights. Dee has consistently tried to conquer her fears throughout her short career, always showing heart.

14. Ninja- She performed well in the mission, getting three tiles for her team. Looks like that American Ninja Warrior background can be useful after all.

13. Leroy- A quiet week for RoyLee, but I did love this line:

Ashley: When I drink coffee my anxiety goes through the roof.

Leroy: It has nothing to do with you being emotionally unstable?

12. CT- His standing on Team UK continues to amaze me.

Theo, arguably a top-three competitor on the show and the second-place finisher of the hardest final in Challenge history last season, went into four eliminations.

CT, a man who looks like he’d need an inhaler after chasing his son around his backyard for two minutes, hasn’t been into any eliminations.

And even with Jordan switching over to Team UK, I’d bet good money that Jordan will be targeted before CT.

CT is getting closer and closer to making his eighth finals appearance, which would tie him with Bananas for most by a male all time.

11. Jenny- We actually got to see some of Jenny this week when she attacked Rogan for throwing in Georgia. Every time we get a chance to see her personality I wonder why she’s not on the show more.

With Theo going home, she is now the last remaining person of her original UK alliance, as Bear, Kyle, Georgia and Nicole have all left her.

10. Ashley- She said during the mission that “you could put a bunch of toddlers up there who just learned to walk, give them a glass of wine, and they would still be beating the Brits.”

Not sure if I’d trust Ashley to babysit my kids after that comment.

9. Theo- After taking out Bananas, Kyle and Idris, Theo finally met his match. The elimination king was blown out by Jordan, suffering his first career loss.

I have to say, Theo really did this to himself. He had THREE chances to switch to the most dominant team in Challenge history, and he never did. He got caught on the wrong side of the numbers, but he had multiple chances to switch things up.

I’m hoping that Theo’s eye will heal up after his offseason injury, and that we will see him again soon. He’s an amazing competitor and a solid character, and he will be missed if he can’t return.

8. Rogan- He still hasn’t proved himself at all as a competitor, messing up in the mission by bringing Tori into the water when he fell.

Still, Rogan is running the show on Team UK, finally getting rid of his nemesis Theo.

He continues to drop funny lines, too. In his confessional about Jordan and Tori getting engaged, he said, “I’m so emotional right now I might propose to Joss too.”

Joss is so easily manipulated, it probably wouldn’t take much convincing.

7. Kam- I don’t know why Kam was so involved in this episode when she really wasn’t a part of the storyline at all, but she ended up with eight confessionals, tied for seventh-most of the episode.

She was the main person consoling Theo, and I guess we were shown this because they were hooking up last season.

Maybe we just needed to see that someone actually cared that Theo went home.

6. Nany- Speaking of randomly having a big week.

It feels like we’ve been primed for Nany to go home for like a month now. She’s on the bottom of Team US, and everyone knows it. She’s lucky to have gotten this far without seeing an elimination, and with how much Team US has been winning there’s a good chance she’ll make the final.

I just don’t know why we needed to spend so much time having people commiserate with her about her position.

They even brought in Jenna! We haven’t seen Jenna talk to Zach all season, but for some reason it was important to get her take on Nany’s position in the game.

And what the hell is with the Skype room?

They just randomly have the Batcave in their compound?

I honestly would have enjoyed the episode spending 10 minutes breaking down the inner workings of the Skype room than spending it on Nany bitching.

5. Zach- He cracks my top-five for the second week in a row, and once again it’s purely because of his one-liners.

I had been wondering if Zach’s fashion choices this season were ironic or he actually thinks he looks good. we finally kind of got an answer.

I had to pause the episode because I was laughing so hard when Zach said he this.

And then his reasoning for voting for Joss was because “he has the smallest testicles on the UK team. So if I vote for any of the other guys, they’re going to remember that and be angry about it. But Joss will just curl up into a ball in the corner and probably suck his thumb.”

Zach is playing a Darrell or Derrick K political game right now, trying to lay as low as possible, not piss anyone off and just sneak into the final. And there’s a good chance that it’ll happen.

Josh is clearly the lowest man on the totem pole, and even though Zach’s on the wrong side of the numbers, nobody is really gunning for him and everyone knows he’ll be an asset in the final.

4. Josh- This was a really nice episode for Josh. First of all, he didn’t go into elimination, and it’s borderline amazing that he’s gone this far without having to go in yet.

But we also saw him bonding with Nany, and it seems like a lot of the cast really likes him. As annoying as he can be sometimes, Josh seems like he’s a genuinely good guy.

The way he was talking Nany up and supporting her, I would love to have a friend like Josh.

3. Paulie- As much as I don’t like Paulie, I have to respect several things about him.

First, he’s playing a dominant political game, and he’s probably the best male competitor left on the US team (or at least 1A with Zach).

But unlike his girlfriend, Paulie actually knows how to separate real life from the game. He quickly admonished Cara for her comments on the proposal, and he’s spoken several times on podcasts and interviews that he supports his castmates outside of the show and wants to see them succeed.

Paulie understands that the castmembers are a family. An extremely fucked up family, but a family nonetheless.

And when Jordan and Tori proposed, he could put the game aside and congratulate them despite them being rivals in the game.

Who would have ever thought Paulie would be the likable one in the Para relationship?

2–1. Jori- There was no secret that Jordan and Tori were going to get engaged this season.

But I never expected it to be after Jordan took out Theo in an elimination and switched to Team UK, simultaneously changing both the entire game and his life.

Beating Theo moves Jordan’s career elimination record to 6–1, giving him the highest win percentage of any male in Challenge history with at least seven eliminations.

And his victory over Theo might have been his most impressive one (his other wins are Ty/Leroy, Preston/Knight, Zach/Jonna, and Challenge legends Brandon Swift and Ammo), considering it was against someone with a 4–0 record and placed second in last season’s final.

With Jordan and Tori now on Team UK, I don’t think it changes the political dynamics much, but the UK has definitely improved. While Georgia and Theo are both strong competitors, replacing them with Tori and Jordan gives UK two more experienced and mentally stronger players.

As far as the proposal goes, at the risk of sounding too much like Cara…I was pretty shocked that this is how Jordan chose to propose.

The move seems out of character from him, honestly. Jordan has made it clear that The Challenge isn’t his entire life and he’ll just show up whenever he feels like it, unlike people like Bananas and Cara. Tori seems the same way — despite her appearing on five of out of seven seasons since debuting (counting both Champs vs. Stars seasons).

So for Jordan to propose to Tori on the same show where they first hooked up (when they were both in relationships), just seems kind of tacky to me.

But who am I too judge? Is a part of my bitterness due to Tori being my dream girl and Jordan stealing her away from me?

Absolutely, but I genuinely do hope they’re happy together. I’ve been a big fan of Tori since she debuted, and although I’ve never really been a fan of him, I’ve been watching Jordan since Real World: Portland, and I always root for the characters who I’ve watched grow up over the years.

Jordan and Tori would be the fifth marriage between Challengers.

Two old school marriages have been successful — Holly/Chadwick, and Sean/Rachel. Two ended in divorce — Danny/Melinda and Brad/Tori

I have no idea whether they’ll end up like the former or latter group.

But if it is the latter…hmu Tori.

Stray Thoughts

Jordan and Tori Need at least need one US player to jump sides to get the numbers on Team UK. If Nany were to win an elimination, CT would once again be in the swing vote position. If he wants to win, it would seem like a no-brainer that going with Jordan/Tori/Jenny/Nany would be a better group to run a final with, especially if he can bring someone like Joss along with them.

As much as Paulie and Cara have dominated the season, the decision to throw in Jordan here is definitely questionable. They didn’t have much of a choice but to throw in Tori last week since Leroy was the swing vote and wouldn’t vote for Nany, but sending in Jordan instead of Josh just doesn’t make much sense. Jordan is arguably their best competitor, and they might as well keep him around and get rid of their worst competitor Josh. Now Team UK is much stronger.

Something interesting I didn’t notice the first time I watched the episode — at the bar, Rogan stated that he believes there’s just two eliminations left, a girls day and a double elimination. If that’s true, that would mean 14 people will make the final, which would be fairly surprising to me to. I think 12 would be a good number of finalists for this season.

Temple Wall Traverse was a solid challenge and was a good way for competitors to stand out, whether it was for better (Paulie, Ninja, Jordan) or worse (Rogan, Kayleigh, Cara). As for the Under the Hammer elimination…when they bring in sledgehammers, I want to see the competitors destroying something, not hitting nails. I’d have much rather seen an elimination like Homewrecker from Bloodlines (between Mike and Stephen when Abram got a bloody nose from cheering).

The music department killed it again this week, with China Groove by the Doobie Brothers (who I actually saw in concert this summer) and How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) by James Taylor. Never in my life did I think I’d be hearing James Taylor on The Challenge, but here we are.

Episode Grade: B

Season Standings

32. S̵e̵a̵n̵ (1)

31–30. F̵a̵i̵t̵h̵ ̵a̵n̵d̵ ̵Z̵a̵h̵i̵d̵a̵ (6)

29. B̵i̵g̵ ̵T̵ (32)

28. N̶i̶c̶o̶l̶e̶ (67)

27. W̵e̵s̵ (76)

26. L̶a̶u̶r̶e̶l̶ (97)

25. E̶s̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ (103)

24. B̶a̶n̶a̶n̶a̶s̶ (131)

23. I̶d̶r̶i̶s̶ (138)

22. Kayleigh (152)

21. Jenny (166)

20. T̶u̶r̶b̶o̶ (168)

19. Ninja (170)

18. Joss (173)

17. B̶e̶a̶r̶ (181)

16. K̶y̶l̶e̶ (197)

15. Nany (200)

14. Kam (201)

13. Cara (205)

12–11. Josh and T̶h̶e̶o̶ (214)

10. Leroy (220)

9. Zach (228)

8. Paulie (234)

7. Tori (238)

6. Ashley (244)

5. Dee (249)

4. G̶e̶o̶r̶g̶i̶a̶ (256)

3. Jordan (264)

2–1. Rogan and CT (269)