Leadership: Michael Clarke consoles a shaken Mitchell Johnson after the paceman's bouncer struck Indian batsman Virat Kohli on the helmet. Credit:Getty Images Just like you could never make up NSW captain Paul Gallen calling the NRL "c--ts" on social media. But he did. Or Todd Carney pretending to wee in his own mouth. But he did.

Or Joel Monaghan receiving fellatio from a dog. But he did. Or Nate Myles doing a poo in a hotel foyer in Terrigal. But he did. Or Julian O'Neill doing a poo in the shoe of teammate Jeremy Schloss.

But he did. Or Julian O'Neill setting fire to Danny the Dolphin. But he did. Or Julian O'Neill … Look, I understand what Bird has done isn't a great look. Another embarrassing headline. Terrible timing for Gold Coast boss Graham Annesley, who is searching for corporate support for an ailing club.

So throw the book at Bird. Strip him of the Titans captaincy. Slap him with a fine. Order him to undergo a course on the best and worst places to urinate, and how vehicles belonging to law enforcement is right up there with those belonging to your new in-laws as a no-go zone. Sack him so he can do it really tough, playing for big bucks in the south of France. Again. And, yes, if I were a mother of three young children this would potentially turn me off allowing them to play the (alleged) greatest game of all. But, to be perfectly honest, I would be more concerned about them having their necks screwed off in a wrestling move from a kid almost double their size. And I'm not a mother of three. I can barely look after a myself - or a pot plant - let alone a child.

I am a not-so-young man who likes to - eek! - drink beer in a pub alongside my mates and rip the living daylights out of everyone and everything. There's a few of us still around, isn't there? Hello? And I can tell you we have been laughing into our schooners of organic Coopers Pale Ale about Birdy. The jokes cannot be repeated in a family newspaper/website/iphone-and-ipad-application like The Sydney Morning Herald, but believe me THEY WERE HILARIOUS. As for Facebook, it's been in meltdown. I'd rather Greg Bird jokes than another mind-numbing storm picture. Here, in December, I couldn't have cared less about the next NRL season.

Now? Now all I want to do is sit in the stands and listen to the one-liners hurled at G Bird when he plays his first match for the Titans. Can you imagine the comedy gold they're already conjuring in Queensland ahead of next year's Origin series? Can you imagine? Well, yes, you have a point: they're probably not capable of anything better than, "Hey! Birdy! How was your bridal shower?" But they'll think of something, bless 'em. Former NRL boss David Gallop often refuted the notion that "the soap opera of rugby league is good for the game".

But he had a jaundiced view because he had to front press conference after press conference and tsk-tsk-tsk each incident with a straight face, when surely he was laughing on the inside. So let's introduce some sanity to proceedings. Some rare perspective. Or maybe just lighten up a bit. Bird weeing on or near a cop car is not domestic violence. It is not a sexual assault allegation. It is not drink driving. It is not stomping on some punter's head and then going to the Big House for it. It is not the use of a banned substance. It is not a salary cap rort. Nor will those three children I will never raise suddenly learn that Bird has whizzed on a police car and suddenly feel emboldened to do something similar. People are not going to start brazenly writing their initials on the side of a divvy van with their urine before heading home in one. So shelve your outrage and reverse park your righteous indignation and cut out the gibber about rugby league being a dead-game-walking and let's embrace what it is: a sport played by young blokes, not all of whom are the coldest cans in the fridge.

We love rugby league because of its boganism. It's time rugby league embraced its boganism, because deep, deep down, we're all bogans, too. "I did know it was a marked police car, but it wasn't on the car!" Bird exclaimed. Because not weeing on the police car, just near it, makes a whole lot of difference. You cannot make this stuff up. CLARKE'S LEADING EDGE

So, will the events of the last few days finally silence the Michael Clarke doubters/critics/haters? Just over a week ago, Clarke was in the back bar of the Macksville Ex-Services Club at the wake of his departed friend, Phillip Hughes. While other Australian players drank water, Clarke was understandably raising a vodka or seven to the late batsman. There was no real indication in that moment that he was ready to play cricket, even if the strong belief among teammates and officials was that he would in the first Test against India in Adelaide. The manner in which Clarke bravely scored a century despite back spasms, basically playing at balls like he was using a fly swatter because he was so restricted with pain, is surely one of the bravest things we've seen from someone in a baggy green. Clarke is the most maligned Australian cricketer in history, no doubt. In January 2011, as he bounced out to bat for his country at the Gabba in a one-day match, he was booed by the home crowd. He was captain.

Juxtapose this with the scene over the first two days at Adelaide Oval, when he was given a rousing standing ovation. As he's said before, "I've said it a million times. It's all about respect, about continuing to earn the public's respect. That's all I ever wanted." Surely, now – surely! – he's got it. MOROCCAN AND REELIN' The standoff between Western Sydney Wanderers management and players might have eased but don't expect that to be the end of the matter.

The club's hierarchy have kept their powder dry over the pay dispute, opting not to engage in a slanging match, but make no mistake that senior figures at the Asian champions are filthy with the way the saga has played out and the embarrassment it has caused them on the world stage as they prepare for the Club World Cup in Morocco. There are likely to be significant ramifications when the team arrives home and the so-called ringleaders - senior players Shannon Cole, Ante Covic and Nikolai Topor-Stanley - could be in the firing line, with serious questions being raised about their playing futures at Pirtek Stadium. How that unfolds is yet to be seen but don't be surprised if they're told to look elsewhere. In the instance of goalkeeper Covic, at 39 he might have hoped to sashay into a post-career gig with the Wanderers when he retires but the chances of that are now virtually zero. BATH SET TO THROW SAM IN AT DEEP END Clive Churchill Medallist Sam Burgess is tipped to make his starting debut for English rah-rah side Bath this weekend.

Twin brothers George and Thomas will be in the crowd for the European Champions Cup match against Montpellier, so that's a strong indication it will be so. It's another step for Big Samuel in his pursuit of a berth at next year's Rugby World Cup, where he wants to play for England. He's played a handful of minutes off the bench thus far, and only been required to make a handful of tackles thus far, too. Last weekend, two of them earned penalties for being too high. You can take the boy out of rugby league, but you can't... NO BACKING FOR PACKER If this column happened to be a betting man - ha! - it would be putting everything including the landlord's kitchen sink on Russell Packer not playing in the NRL any time soon.

Dragons coach Paul McGregor launched an impassioned plea for the jailed prop to be allowed to play after he walks out of Silverwater in January. That's when the former Warriors forward will have served a year-long sentence after he was found guilty of assaulting another man in Sydney, which included stomping on the unconscious victim's head. We've been told by several people that Packer will leave jail a vastly different man to the one who went in. There is a decent soul there, even if most of us can't see it. But the NRL has been standing firm on this one for months now. We're not expecting a change of heart, until well into next year at least. THE QUOTE

"I've been back on the fitness regime. The 32 jeans have been fitting nicely but I might just ruin it this week." - And they reckon Shane Warne is superficial. THUMBS UP Take emotion away from sport and it's just one bloke throwing a ball at another bloke holding a bat in front of three sticks. The emotion at Adelaide Oval over the past few days, as Australian players look skyward at Phillip Hughes, has been profound. THUMBS DOWN The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, as they say. What other assumption could you make after watching John Hopoate shoulder a female radio reporter outside of court on Wednesday after his son, promising Sea Eagles playerJamil, was sentenced to a year in jail for assault.

It's a big weekend for … the Wanderers, as they shrug off a pay dispute to take on Mexico's Cruz Azul in the FIFA World Club Cup on Sunday morning in Morocco, with a showdown with Real Madrid beckoning. It's an even bigger weekend for … Australian racehorsies Buffering and Criterion as they represent our fair nation in the Hong Kong International Sprint at Sha Tin on Sunday. They're up against some serious horseflesh. Good luck to them, and to you.