In questioning those who wield power, the creative artist defends our freedoms by holding up a mirror to the nation. The artist exposes both our superficial face and our deepest truths. I am neither an artist nor a poet. But in recent weeks I have been privileged to work with many of them in a Sydney Theatre Company production. They ply their intense trade for love not money. They dare risk humiliating public failure, in answering a yearning deep within them. They do this because there is no other way to be true to their God-given talents. They do not choose their vocation so much as it chooses them. In that, they remind me of elite cricketers, to whom every ball could bear oblivion. Lonely failure is the constant ghostly companion of both. No matter how much you train, you can ignominiously depart without scoring a run. Love, cricket and art came together for me at the Wharf Theatre this week, where the simply amazing Heather Mitchell, and a wonderful ensemble cast, brought to life my chaotic, drunken and inchoate life. What I learnt this week was not the obvious, namely that Mitchell is the most gifted actor of her generation. Nor that Priscilla Jackman is an incredibly exciting new theatre director. Rather, what I really learnt is that art redeems our flawed humanity. Great art transcends the mundane and touches that part of us that is spiritual and imperishable. Heather Mitchell and the cast of Still Point Turning.

I believe in God. I am a deeply flawed Christian. Yet, as scripture tells us so are we all. Redemption came from an unlikely quarter last week. I worked with two trans men on the show along with two gay actors. One young trans man told me how much he resented me for my stance on Safe Schools in 2016 and for my life as a soldier. He found me incomprehensible. A fascist at best. And a tool of the Australian Christian Lobby in its vile war on trans people at worst. It could easily have escalated into the pointless dialogue of the deaf that dominates Twitter. Hate uncluttered by reason. But we hugged and chatted. We are now dear friends. His name is Charles O’Grady. Loading I understood exactly why he felt as he did. He penetrated my defences and challenged me to review my own behaviour. Many young trans people believed in me at one time. I had never fully grasped the extent of the hope that I had inspired in them.

I dashed their hopes and broke their hearts over my criticism of Safe Schools. I was too selfish, too ideological and too combative. Frankly, I had felt manipulated at being asked to back a program whose most public face, Roz Ward, had denigrated the Australian Defence Force and was affiliated with Socialist Alternative in Victoria. I have never recanted from my opinion of her. But to my discredit, I allowed my resentment of that fanatic to taint my attitude to the merits of the program. I was too rash in dismissing it. My concept of gender was forged by exposure to the showgirls of the 1970s and 1980s who were my heroines. I had a limited, arguably obsolescent view of how gender variance manifests among contemporary teens. My model worked for me. Indeed, it was integral to my survival and sense of self. But that is not how O’Grady lives and expresses his gender. Neither of us are wrong. Even more to my chagrin, I failed to anticipate the ammunition I offered to those like Miranda Devine and Lyle Shelton who refuse outright to accept the reality and legitimacy of trans identity. They purr reassuringly about not wanting kids to make irrevocable mistakes before puberty. Currently, they are providing a platform for a charlatan with no medical qualifications whose position is that all trans identity is “broken” and must be lovingly “reversed”. His qualifications are in “religious freedom” and “political science”. If your kid has gender dysphoria would you seek his help or go to a medical expert? Safe School supporters and protesters clash in Canberra in August 2017. Credit:Rohan Thomson

On Saturday night, on my way home to Canberra, I read a long letter from O’Grady, which he had concealed in my hand bag. It was full of love and forgiveness. Art redeems and heals. If he was big enough to admit error about me then I needed to concede I was wrong about Safe Schools. In light of the harm I did to many and the friendships that I lost, I deeply regret my actions. I wish to apologise to all those I harmed or disappointed. I made a mistake and threw the baby out with the bath water. Fame and public attention came rapidly to me when my transition became news. I lacked the maturity and depth to handle it with the grace and aplomb that those to whom I became a beacon deserved. Trans kids are still doing it tough. Mainly because of cruel religious fanatics and their enablers like Devine. The ignorance and hate directed against them is killing them. I hope I am now a better person with more insight and empathy, though I would still query some aspects of that original Safe Schools syllabus, as does even Daniel Andrews. Charles O'Grady during rehearsals for 'Still Point Turning'. Credit:Hon Boey Incidentally, the abuse from the LGBTIQ community online was not the way to defuse this conflict. It drove me into a corner. I regret that. The LGBTIQ community is fragmented and riven by petty hatreds. My young friend Charles O’Grady showed me that we all need to listen and open our hearts to one another or we will never move forward. We have enough enemies and haters outside without devouring our own. We need one another.

I failed a lot of trans kids and a lot of LGBTIQ folks over the past few years. But as Still Point Turning reveals, I am just another flawed human being, who tried to survive a life crisis that took me to the brink of suicide. I was not always as serene as my hero Rahul Dravid. But art touches our soul and heals. Last week I felt remorse and sadness at what had transpired in my relations with the trans community since May 2016. If art inspires, it also redeems. To those I harmed, may you find forgiveness in your hearts. I forgive you. We may not agree always. But we need one another. Catherine McGregor is a Fairfax Media columnist.