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Kudos to Vestavia Hills for legislating everything.

Because there is no place like schools to teach people that this modern world has no use for antiquated notions like ... common sense.

Sorry sad pup. You can't go pick Johnny up from school any more.

Vestavia Hills last month passed an ordinance designed to make schools safer. It made it a crime for drivers in school zones to do anything that might draw their attention away from the task at hand.

So keep your dog at home and your coffee in the pot. Either one could get you ticketed.

The ordinance defined it like this:

Distracted driving shall mean an activity that could divert a person's attention away from the primary task of driving, including, but not limited to, talking, texting, emailing or any other use of a cellular phone, tablet/iPad or any other electronic device; reading books, newspapers, etc., pets, loud music, food, or any other distraction that might divert a driver's attention.

Vestavia Police will enforce the new law - distraction is a misdemeanor - immediately.

So good job Vestavia Hills. You covered everything.

Almost.

In truth the city did not take it nearly far enough. There are so many more possible distractions in Vestavia Hills. The sky is the limit, from taking selfies with your besties to watching a sunrise or praying for a better day. Whatever you do, don't stop to read about your kids' driving on "What's Happening in Vestavia."

So here, in case you are wondering, are the Top 10 distractions that can get you in hot water around Vestavia schools.

10. Listening to Paul Finebaum on the radio. Phyllis from Mulga is an accident waiting to happen.

9. Daydreaming about that Frye Boot sale. You might as well scream Danger! Danger!

8. Waving at the crossing guards. Keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel at 10 and two. Always.

7. Listening to public radio. The voice of WBHM's Andrew Yeager in the mornings is enough to drive any Vestavia Hills mom to distraction.

6. Paying attention to your children. There will be no more talk of homework, or allowances, or just saying "no" to drugs or sex. Go ahead and ignore your kids. It's for their own good.

5. Thinking about Mountain Brook. Vestavia Hill parents go to another place entirely when they think about Mountain Brook.

4. Checking your speed on the speedometer. Don't pay attention to your car, because it might distract you from driving.

3. Thinking. Nothing is distracting as thinking. Besides, the city of Vestavia Hills doesn't think you have the capacity to do it anyway.

2. Looking for your kids. They must be up there somewhere, but don't take your eyes off the road. They'll wander out soon enough.

And the No. 1 distraction Vestavia Hills drivers face around schools is:

Watching for cops. Because you know they're watching for you.