Arise in me, oh Daime!

Feel me reach for you

and let me touch that moment,

just once more.

Nourish me again,

with the smells, the emotions,

and the music of that moment,

that heavenly moment!

Arise in me too, dear muse!

And let me do justice

to the magic of that moment,

in my earthly song…

I sit cross legged on a soft mattress, feeling the medicine from the second glass rising up quickly as it moves with my blood, seeping into every crevice in my body. I try to keep singing, but the book in front of me is flickering out of focus, the words dancing too fast for my eyes in the candle light.

I look around and the others are reacting differently. Some have shrunk into themselves, curled up in the foetal positon. One person has already left the group and can be heard throwing up deep in the jungle. Others, possibly the more experienced, are embracing the medicine fully, sitting eyes closed while breathing deep, their erect posture helping them face the heavens without difficulty.

The only movement is coming from the front of the circle. The Ayahuascera, Nicole, doesn’t falter in her commitment to the songs we have been singing for the past hour. She sings with a little more volume than before, but there is no strain in her light voice. To her right, her musical assistant Areal continues to play the guitar, eyes closed and head down as his fingers dance lightly across the strings.

“Feel me in your body moving through your blood,

I am the liquid light,

come to purify” – Forest Way, performed by Nicole

I need to lie down as the medicine begins to accelerate and take charge. I close my eyes and can feel myself moving between the present world, the one I have spent my entire existence in, and this other world. It is similar to yesterday, but different. The similarity breeds comfort, but the awe and curiosity remains.

The experience is astral. I move through this infinite universe with knowledge that it is both entirely in my own head and concretely of another reality. Bright colours, lights, and movement govern the experience. There is an absolute chaos that my mind cannot classify. It is an ethereal performance, but I am not merely an observer allocated a seat on the periphery. I am intrinsically part of all that I see and feel. I am the all powerful creator and I am the most reverential follower. I am the smallest atom just as much as I am the universe in its great totality.

There is no concept of time as I move through this world, but as I dance on the edge of the abyss that I explored to such depths yesterday, I can feel something calling me back. Once more I want to explore the boundaries of this universe, but from somewhere I hear a call back; a firm sense of duty tells me I must listen. As I open my eyes and re-enter the present, the first thing I notice is that I have a body. There is a me. Experience permits less of a shock than yesterday, but I am still not completely grounded.

The mind is its own place, and in it self

Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n- Paradise Lost, John Milton

As I try and gather my bearings, trying to understand where the call-back came from, I notice the music. It functions as a gateway between the two worlds. My curiosity pulls me towards the unchecked universe in my mind, but the wonder of the music is keeping me rooted. There is a perfection in this new song that I have never heard before.

The song is no longer an emotionless chant delivered for the necessity of ritual. Nicole sings in an ancient language, cosmic sounds indicating aspirations of higher understanding, yearned for with a naked honesty only possible in song. As I look at her in the flickering shadows, she is no longer the smiling, gentle mother I met yesterday. She is radiating power, every note she sings and every guitar stroke she delivers are made with an unwavering confidence; she has taken this path many times before, successes and failures giving her a complete understanding of what she needs to do at this exact moment.

As the song approaches its crescendo, Areal picks up a shallow but wide drum and joins in. If I thought perfection was achieved before, then I was wrong. He cradles the drum lovingly and plays it masterfully, deep and reverberating gongs intermingled with light and playful raps. If the voice and guitar play to the heart and mind, then the drum plays directly to the soul. Areal soon joins in song with a soft but deep voice, not unlike the low rumble of distant thunder. It is perfectly complimentary to Nicole’s voice, which is high, beautiful, and precise. She is the Queen on this chessboard, while he is every other supporting piece. This is not just a song, this is the aural manifestation of their soul’s pursuit, and conclusively every soul’s pursuit, for higher truth.

Together they play as one. When a guitar, drum, or voice takes the lead, the others retreat. The status quo is challenged shortly after, and after a playful push and pull, the new lead is selflessly given centre stage. Their ears are as perfectly practiced as their hands and voices; the music is playful but powerful.

This power comes not only from the music, but from the words that form these ancient songs. I do not speak these languages, but I can still grasp at the meaning. There is a deeply forged relationship between the sound and the meaning of each word; nothing is arbitrary. Ay-ah-uas-ca! Ay-ah-uas-caaa! Long and difficult at four syllables. Abrupt at first, turbulent in its middle, soothing at its end. Rhythmic and musical at its core. Aum! Auum! Broad and deep. Totally encompassing in a single syllable. Pulled from deep chasms and extending into eternity.

The medicine is still strong within me, and I sway to the music on the border between the two worlds. A heightened sense of spirituality governs the entire experience; I am the pilgrim at the end of his journey, the saint who sees the light of God in prayer. Song after song, the beauty does not diminish. At times I am completely present with the music, appreciating every note and the intention behind it, at others I am pulled to the deep crevasses of my mind, the visual carnival of light and colour offering a splendid foreground to the music. Purple is the most dominant of colours.

At various moments, the music seems to penetrate deeper, for no obvious reason touching at emotional cores. At moments I feel the need to cry. At times, an overwhelming desire for collective good. At other points there is laughter. With one song, in a deep and guttural language, there is an awe inspired fear. But at every moment, there is a strange corporeal quality to the music, as if I can touch it as surely as it can embrace me. Sound, energy, and matter are infused. I am not sure if music was created to reflect the beauty of the universe, or vice versa.

Deep into the night, the music loses the intensity of before. Slower songs are chosen, softer melodies are played. I even sit up and join in a few songs as I am more comfortable in my authority over my body and mind. With this newfound autonomy I try and reflect, slowly, on what I have seen and felt. The extraordinary beauty in the sublime. Awe at that which exists beyond what we can see and touch. Familial love at the shared essence of totality. But what do these feelings lend themselves to? In a life guided by rationality, by the mandates of cause and effect, I need to place these feelings within a system of order. Where have they come from? Why are they there? What do I do with them? But this grows tiring. It feels meaningless. If one hears an answer from God but has not asked a question, can he not be satisfied simply in hearing the voice from above?

Standing on the bare ground—my head bathed by the blithe air and uplifted into infinite space—all mean egotism vanishes. I become a trans-parent eyeball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or parcel of God… I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty.- Nature, Ralph Waldo Emerson

As the night slows down, I let go and simply accept the experience. Thinking can come later. The morning birds are singing as the rustling forest continues its dance. Feeling the pull of sleep, I slowly succumb to the most primal of nature’s calls.

_____

Unlike my other posts, I have tried to simply capture my thoughts and emotions as they were during this experience. Nothing more, nothing less.

This ceremony was the second of two that I sat in during my stay at Florestral in Costa Rica. It was very different to my first ceremony, which was a mind and ego shattering roller coaster ride. I’m not sure if I can describe the first in words.

My entire time at Florestral/SOL Circle was amazing and I can’t thank Nicole and the crew enough. I hope to return some day. If you’re interested in visiting, you can check out their website at http://www.solcircle.org or send them an email at info@solcircle.org.

Chill out area at Florestral

Jungle views from my room

Mini waterfall in the nearby town of Dominical