Fiction: “I know this story never happened, but I FEEL that it happened. It’s real TO ME. Calling it fiction is literally murdering me.“

Cats: "When you call something ‘cat food’, you’re basically saying that cats have similar nutritional needs, which leaves out animals who identify as cats.”

Ice cream: “I made this new ice cream flavor. It’s made with hamburger meat, and you serve it hot on a bun.”

Language: “I don’t care what linguists say, words absolutely do not have to have a meaning.”

Water: “Saying that rocks are not water is basically the same as saying that ice is not water.”

Colors: “Because the line between purple and blue can be blurry in the middle, blue and purple are actually not separate colors. Implying that there is a such thing as different colors is so bigoted.”

Murder: “Who’s to say that you actually have to die for it to be murder? My FEELINGS die. It’s basically the same thing.”

Doctors: “What do you mean 'doctors have to go to college’? If he says he’s a doctor, he’s a doctor!”

Heat: “I would warn that person that the stove is hot, but my definition of hot might be different from their definition, and I don’t want to offend anyone.”

Sex: “Penis in vagina is actually gay sex, if the person having it says so.”

Politics: “I call myself a Democrat, but parties don’t actually have any defining qualities. MY definition of Democrat is basically when you eat dirt.”

–from a sister