alia Profile Blog Joined November 2008 United States 198 Posts Last Edited: 2013-03-20 20:23:20 #1



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GaNgStaRR.ElV Profile Blog Joined May 2010 Canada 535 Posts #2 Keep tough my man. Sounds like your going through a really rough patch. I hate to say it but maybe you need to take a breath, realize all is not lost. If you can get a job you can build yourself a safety net which will enable you to do what you love. From the sound of it you should have probably worked full-time for awhile and given up on streaming while you had a rented place for cheap, rather than going all-in streaming in conditions where you clearly could not compete with the competition due to the restrictions in your environment.



At the end of the day you gave your all for something your passionate with and a few mistakes along the way, nothing to be ashamed of, especially with a support system like family to give you advice.



There's always light at the end of the tunnel.

Sajedene Profile Joined August 2012 United States 6 Posts #3 (x/posted from reddit)



I'm going to tell you something that you're not going to want to hear. I am the kind of person who rarely feels pity towards people who put themselves in the situation they find themselves in. You chose this route, now you have to live it.



Ask yourself, what is the real intention of your post (since you mentioned you're not sure why you're doing it)? Do you need help? Or do you feel that this attention, and the pity you will generate will help you in achieving what you want (more viewers to possibly generate a revenue/partnership) or what you need (to get your life on track)?



I really hope it's the latter. You need to get your life back on track and honestly, the last thing you need right now is video games, viewers, and online attention for the lack of the prior.



Just let go. Let go of it. Focus on yourself, finding a job and a stable place to live. Don't stoop to the level of popularity out of pity. If you need help, then please, by all means... ask. But ask for it in regards to help in finding a job, a place to stay, a meal or two.



Don't drown yourself in this world you created in your head that you think you need to be a part of. Get your shit together first - then worry about that. Being an entertaining streamer and viewer count is such a superficial issue compared to everything else that you need to work on in your life.



Feel free to message me if you really want to get your life on track. I won't hold your hand. I won't baby you. What I will do is do my best to actually help you get out of your rut, any way I can.



All the best.



alia Profile Blog Joined November 2008 United States 198 Posts #4 Believe me. I haven't touched games / streaming since about the new year. Yes, I chose this. I'm not one to capitalize on pity viewership or anything like that. Right now, I'm trying to get my life back together. You are right. I need a place to stay. As for a job, it shouldn't be too hard to find, assuming I find a place to stay. However, I don't have anyone who can offer that. There are people who miss the stream, yes. They realize I'm going through a rough patch. And none of us expect me to stream for them. If/when I get things back on track, I would love to stream. Believe me. But until then, I realize that that isn't possible. I just don't have a place to stay. Sorry for the confusion.

ChiIIgetoutGG Profile Joined June 2011 Canada 90 Posts #5 Thanks for sharing your thoughts about the harder side of streaming. What I want to say simply is you don't owe anyone anything. Like you said, " what happened half a year from now and now", where you landed right now, you owe it to yourself. It is reality hitting you hard. But this has nothing to do with what others expect of you like you mentioned 'Blitz' whom you admire. How to phrase this, you don't owe others anything in a sense that it is your life, of course you are thankful for all they helped they have given but where you end up in the end is your decision. Reality has hit you hard, now what do you do. You have to analyse all your options and develop a realistic strategy to get make it out. That is how you come back. Life is hard but not impossible. I am sure that during your time streaming you might have inspired many viewers and viewers' life, but that which goes unsaid. It doesn't mean it didn't happen. At the end of the day, you are what you make of your life. Good luck. "Seriously quit this business already, you are immature, not even good caster and TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR GENDER."

ProV1 Profile Blog Joined September 2010 United States 767 Posts #6 How come you only talk about streaming and not improving your skills?

alia Profile Blog Joined November 2008 United States 198 Posts #7 I don't believe myself to be a good DotA player. There are people a lot more motivated than me in that game and it was never my goal to be the best DotA player. DotA isn't the part that makes me happy. It's the streaming aspect. I wanted to keep an audience that would follow me no matter what I played. DotA, during the time, was the best way to build myself up.



Either way, it doesn't really matter to me right now. I've got more important things to think about at the moment. I didn't expect people to say that I was using this blog as a way to boost viewer count or something (which is not the case). I gave up on it a couple weeks back when I didn't have a place to stay.



I did expect that there would be harsh comments. I willingly posted this knowing that if I ever did come back, someone could, at any time, bring this back up and "have something on me", I suppose. But it is fine. I can deal with that. Harsh words over the internet are the least of my worries at the moment and some of them have at least a little bit of advice or truth in them.



I wrote this because putting it out there is helping me cope. At the same time, it's my strange way of asking a certain someone for help.

AFKing Profile Joined January 2013 102 Posts #8 Sounds like you've made a couple good steps, but you just need to tough it out to get in a better position. I wish you the best of luck.

run.at.me Profile Joined December 2011 Australia 414 Posts #9 You've been spending too much time on what you enjoy rather than what you need to do to survive.



In order to reach the top in life, you need to hit rockbottom first. You're at rockbottom.



Fortunately you're 22. Just a kid, really.



You will learn from this - learn to prioritize what needs to be done verse what you feel like doing. Everything will be fine, you will figure it all out.



Tough times, just believe you can conquer it and you will.





tauon Profile Blog Joined January 2012 Australia 577 Posts #10 You are still quite young (only 22!), you have plenty of time to recover from your current position. Road to 6sange

wonderwall Profile Blog Joined September 2010 New Zealand 666 Posts #11 It's trap of esports in general. There's very very little room at the top. You either need to be literally one of the best on the planet at the game or you need to be the life of the party and entertain thousands of people just by virtue of how charming you are.

alia Profile Blog Joined November 2008 United States 198 Posts #12 On January 16 2013 11:54 run.at.me wrote:

You've been spending too much time on what you enjoy rather than what you need to do to survive.



In order to reach the top in life, you need to hit rockbottom first. You're at rockbottom.



Fortunately you're 22. Just a kid, really.



You will learn from this - learn to prioritize what needs to be done verse what you feel like doing. Everything will be fine, you will figure it all out.



Tough times, just believe you can conquer it and you will.





You are right. It's quite a humbling experience, actually. You don't really quite look at food or a good night's sleep in the same way again. That's for sure. You are right. It's quite a humbling experience, actually. You don't really quite look at food or a good night's sleep in the same way again. That's for sure.

Keldrath Profile Joined July 2010 United States 446 Posts #13 No matter how bad things get, time can still save you. 5 years from now you have no idea what will be going on, it could get better, it can always get better. So try not to let the way things look now make you forget that.



You don't know it, but I'm very much like you, and I've been in those kinds of places mentally a few times, and I'm sure I will be again, I can relate, and I also know my words probably don't seem to mean much. It doesn't seem to help much to hear things could get better, and you should be sure to give that a chance to work out. You don't really have much to lose by trying to see.



Honestly I just don't want you to make the mistake I did when I was in that situation. This helped me, and I hope it will help you too. If you want peace... prepare for war.

Reap_ Profile Joined September 2011 Brunei Darussalam 411 Posts #14 Hey man, this is sad to hear. Don't you have any family or relatives place you can stay at? At least until you get a job maybe? www.twitter.com/raginreap | First Departure, Orange, Na`Vi, Mouz and Zenith

alia Profile Blog Joined November 2008 United States 198 Posts #15 On January 16 2013 12:20 Reap_ wrote:

Hey man, this is sad to hear. Don't you have any family or relatives place you can stay at? At least until you get a job maybe?



I have two cousins. Both of them are in University and can't really offer me a semi-permanent place. They were the first people I contacted. I'm at my cousin's dorm in Irvine, but I can't stay very long. The other lives in San Francisco, but he doesn't have any room where he lives, I think. I've been couchsurfing at friends' places pretty much all around southern California, but no one can offer more than a few days. If I knew where I would be in a few days, few weeks, or few months, it would make finding a job a lot easier. I have two cousins. Both of them are in University and can't really offer me a semi-permanent place. They were the first people I contacted. I'm at my cousin's dorm in Irvine, but I can't stay very long. The other lives in San Francisco, but he doesn't have any room where he lives, I think. I've been couchsurfing at friends' places pretty much all around southern California, but no one can offer more than a few days. If I knew where I would be in a few days, few weeks, or few months, it would make finding a job a lot easier.

Cool Cat Profile Joined June 2009 United States 910 Posts #16 good luck in the future

Esoterikk Profile Blog Joined May 2011 Canada 857 Posts #17 You're not going to want to hear this but go get a job at a fast food place most of them hire on the spot and full time will get you rent money. Can't be picky in the real world unfortunately.

alia Profile Blog Joined November 2008 United States 198 Posts #18 On January 16 2013 12:36 Esoterikk wrote:

You're not going to want to hear this but go get a job at a fast food place most of them hire on the spot and full time will get you rent money. Can't be picky in the real world unfortunately.

No. It's fine. I'm willing to take pretty much anything at the moment. I don't mind working fast food. It's something, at the very least. The hardest part is finding a place to stay without being able to pay for first month's rent. No. It's fine. I'm willing to take pretty much anything at the moment. I don't mind working fast food. It's something, at the very least. The hardest part is finding a place to stay without being able to pay for first month's rent.

Sporadic44 Profile Blog Joined January 2011 United States 531 Posts #19



I cant speak on the couch surfing and lack of a place to call home. Though personally where I live is nothing like a "home". I carry that with me in my heart even when i'm alone. If you can learn to do that you will never be lost. Put the game down for awhile. I dont mean physically(Idk if youre still playing dota right now) but mentally, just let it go. Get your shit together, get a job, get a place to live. I love video games and I always will, but living for nothing but the game is a very sad path to walk.



Take it all in stride and with a calm mind. Figure out what you need to do, strategize, then execute; just like you would in dota. You need to have your basic needs met before you can truly grow.



I'll leave this where there's a will there's a way. remember to smile every now and again. even when you feel that pull from sadness or worry, find something to laugh about. I was in a similar position to you a while back. Though I was never homeless, i was very much alone in the world apart from chasing my dream of a life sustained on video games. eventually i realized my life was not to pan out that way. which annoyed me at first but hey, adapt and grow. Your comments really strike a chord with me. Video games can still be your passion, but for gods sake man find other reasons to pursue a life worth living. Dont burn yourself out over it because then you're left with nothing. And someone will always care about you. It probably sounds cliche to say, but someone is always in your corner rooting for you even if you feel like your stuck on a piece of ice in the middle of frigid water.I cant speak on the couch surfing and lack of a place to call home. Though personally where I live is nothing like a "home". I carry that with me in my heart even when i'm alone. If you can learn to do that you will never be lost. Put the game down for awhile. I dont mean physically(Idk if youre still playing dota right now) but mentally, just let it go. Get your shit together, get a job, get a place to live. I love video games and I always will, but living for nothing but the game is a very sad path to walk.Take it all in stride and with a calm mind. Figure out what you need to do, strategize, then execute; just like you would in dota. You need to have your basic needs met before you can truly grow.I'll leave this here "Opportunities multiply as they are seized."

blandie Profile Joined January 2013 Australia 1 Post #20 I know its rough at the moment- but for a differing perspective, you got to play dota all day for quite a while. You got to stream for your fans (I always enjoyed your stream) and really, life was good (was it?). Now, you need to crash on couches and get a shitty job. I'm nearly there myself, it sucks. but in a years time, when you have worked for a while in a shitty job, got the money for a place, maybe found a job that you like better- what then, have you lost? A bit of pride, some money- nothing you cant get back. and you can look back at the year you spent streaming dota, winning games, owning noobs.



I made an account on TL just to say that your story touched me. You went for broke, sometimes it doesnt pay off. But you seem to have matured, and made a few difficult decisions. Mainly, the maturity and depth of this blog was a saddening and touching read. Now you have admitted these things to yourself, I think you will be fine. and when you are finished with getting back on your feet, finish uni man. You will make something of yourself through hard work, if nothing else.



A fan.

Blandie

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