Master Jon has commanded the entire Project Haruhi crew to shamelessly rip off Karen’s idea and save some anime characters from shows that don’t deserve them. Dustin already gave you his ideas yesterday, but my contribution took a bit longer to shape. I’m not the type to watch terrible anime long enough to stumble upon a character that I actually like, so I had to look at it from another angle.

My original idea was to subject Kirino Kousaka from OreImo to the twisted world of Waita Uziga and change the title of the anime into My Little Sister Can’t be This- Wait, That Is My Little Sister?, but that would have only ended in utter terror due to my knowledge of Mr. Uziga’s works being limited to:

They exist They’re gruesome

But enough sidetracking. Instead of Kirino, I decided to pick someone a little more… feisty. And Russian.

Gunbuster, Gainax’s first successful anime, was mainly the story of two young pilots, Noriko and Kazumi, overcoming their time dilation-induced angst, kicking reason to the curb and quite literally piercing the heavens with their iconic mech. There was a third pilot roaming the decks of the Exelion however: the token Soviet character required by ’80s science-fiction, Jung Freud. Aside from having a hilarious name, she didn’t really do anything aside from being there whenever the plot was in need of a third character to provide a dramatic foil or convenient bit of exposition.

She started off as the mean rival and lasted in this role for exactly five minutes, after which her contribution to the show mostly consisted off waving Mother Russia’s Great Mammaries into the audience’s face. During the finale, she descends into the Buster Machine Three together with Noriko and Kazumi, only to be sent back due to the poor quality of her mech —got to love Soviet technology—which basically denies her character development. And what does Jung get from all of this? Nothing. She loses her two best friends and her lover, as well as her dignity, personality and her country.

It’s a real pity though, given how cool of a character Jung really is. She perfectly complements the triangle of Noriko’s hot-bloodedness and Kazumi’s levelheaded big sis personality with her snarky asides and mean-looking, yet harmless grin. Jung could have been the annoyingly sarcastic yet secretly loveable vitriolic best bud, the Russian foil who constantly keeps the other characters on their toes.

The problem is, Jung’s personality never really got a chance to shine. She’s brutal, sarcastic and has a Stalin Stack that constantly draws the camera’s gaze. You know what show this makes her perfect for?

Kampfer.

Genius fighting skills? According to the commander, yes. A rack deserving of a capital ‘R’? They don’t call her Juggs Freud for nothing. Dubious sexuality? We’re all girls here, right? Dangerously aware of her own voluptuousness? Surely there must be a reason why she’s the only characters to present the audience with a freeze frame shot of her pubes. In short, Jung’s presence would make an average episode of Kampfer an even more dastardly moonshot.

While Shizuku Sangou already brings a fair share of utter shamelessness and snarkiness to the stage, Jung could be perfect as her tsundere partner on the red Kampfer front. Just give her a Schwert, a red bracelet and a crush on Natsuru, and we’re ready to go.

Oh, and update her fashion sense, for crying out loud.