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Downing Street have today summoned the American Ambassador following revelations that neither David Cameron, his cabinet or the majority of the British public have been bugged by America.

The shocking realisation that in the scheme of things Britain might not be very important on the world stage is said to have hit David Cameron hard. Speaking at a hastily prepared press conference the Prime Minister told us

“What have the Germans and Spanish got that we haven’t? Next thing you know they’ll be bugging Belgium. It’s not even as if they understand anything they say anyway. We speak English. Why not bug us?”

Indeed an insider from US National Security Agency (NSA) confirmed that due to the language barrier, much US surveillance may well be in vain.

“I don’t know why we bother with foreign countries. None of us have a clue what they’re talking about. We might be able to get by with Spanish but who speaks German? And Chinese really? We just end up writing down what we think they’re saying.”

However, Mr Cameron is confident that someone somewhere is interested enough to bug his calls.

“At least with any luck Russia or China are listening in. That’s why I’m sitting here wearing only my pants.”