How to get really really good at saying “no” when you’re overwhelmed at work

No one likes to say “no”. Leaders get their positions through a willingness to say yes and get things done. We’re an optimistic and solution-oriented lot. But even the most eager leader has to set boundaries for themselves. This means learning how to say no when you’re stretched too thin.

We’ve all met leaders who have never learned how to say no. Over-committed and spread too thin, they’re known as well-intentioned but undependable. And it’s not entirely their fault! We’re rewarded socially for our willingness to be “team-players” and to “pitch-in”. No one gives you kudos for saying no to requests for help.

But you’re no good to anyone burned out. And the people that pat you on the back for being good team players are nowhere to be found when you’re having an anxiety attack in the parking lot. You’re the best advocate for you. This means learning how to say no constructively.

In The Power of a Positive No, William Ury illustrates what most people do when confronted with a situation in which they want to say no but don’t know how:

Accommodating (saying yes when we mean no): when you don’t know what to say, you default to yes. You value the relationship and you don’t want to jeopardize it.

Attacking (saying no poorly): when feeling frustrated by the situation or like we’re being taken advantage of, we lash out, taking out the frustration on the person asking.

Avoiding (saying nothing): the lack of eye contact when asking for volunteers, the unanswered emails and phone calls. When someone doesn’t want to say yes, and can’t say no, they say nothing.

So what does this mean for you?

If your boss makes a request that you find unreasonable, take a pause before you say yes or say no. Ask questions. What’s the timeframe? What does successful completion look like? What resources might be available to you? Show that you’re carefully considering the request and getting as much information as possible before responding.

If you still have concerns, try to clearly understand them. Are you worried about the amount of work? Is the deadline too aggressive? Is the task a waste of time? What specifically is giving you pause?

Express these concerns from a perspective that your boss can empathize with. “It’s important to me that I follow through on the work that you’ve already given me, and I’m concerned that if I take this on that I won’t be able to complete my other assignments. If possible, can we reevaluate the other tasks I’ve been given or extend this deadline?”

By phrasing your concerns in a way that underscore that you’re willing to do the work but simply concerned about doing a good job, you’ll show your values are synced with your boss. Both of you want the work to be good. Both of you want it to be completed on time. Your interests are the same. Also, you’ve phrased your concerns in a way that allows your boss to save face and avoid feeling frustrated. Always assume (unless you have clear evidence otherwise) that your boss is willing to be on your side.

So the next time your boss (or a coworker, or an employee) approaches you to put more work on your plate, pause before answering. Ask yourself: do I think I can give this task my best effort? If you can’t, explain why and try to compromise on a solution that works for everyone. You’ll find that you’re less resentful of new requests and that your relationships with these individuals improve from the more open, honest communication.

Try it out and let me know how it works for you. I’d love to hear from you on Twitter or at patrick@patrickfigures.com. If you get results, consider sharing this post with someone who could benefit. Let’s make the world better one leader at a time.

Good luck out there.

-Patrick

Become a better leader (by being yourself) Be the kind of leader that people tell their friends about. Sign up to receive actionable leadership insights. You’ll also receive my cheat sheet on mastering difficult conversations. Subscribe We won’t send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered By ConvertKit