If you're going to date someone significantly older or younger than you, there are some things you should consider and keep in mind as you navigate your relationship.

Consider if you want the same things out of life, and if you're at different life stages.

Be prepared for others to comment on your relationship.

Make sure that both partners feel like equals in the relationship.



There are a lot of things to consider when you start a relationship with someone. You might need to reevaluate things as time goes on as well. People change and grow and so too can your priorities.

Though you might feel as though you have all the experience in the world when it comes to dating, if you've only ever dated people that were around your same age, you may not be completely prepared to date someone significantly older or younger than you.

There are some things you should be aware if your relationship involves a large age gap. While, to a certain extent, relationships are relationships, there are also some things that might come up when one partner is significantly older or younger than the other that you just don't have to think about when you're dating someone who's the same age as you are.

We talked to a few experts about what to keep in mind when dating with an age gap.

If you have very different interests, it can be tough to be together. oneinchpunch/Shutterstock

Consider if you're at different stages in your lives.

If you've started dating someone who's a lot older or younger than you and you haven't experienced any bumps along the way, it might be because your relationship is still relatively new.

"The issues really begin, I think, to manifest themselves when people start to get into a real life situation," Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT, a psychotherapist and author, told INSIDER. For example, if you don't want kids right away and you're dating someone who never wants them, it might not seem like an issue at the beginning, but later on, when you start to feel more ready to start a family, understandably, that tiny little thing can become a really big thing.

Not only that, but Cohan also said she's seen patients who have had issues dating each other because they were at different stages in their lives. For example, while one might want to go out and dance with friends, the other might have no interest in spending time that way.

There are still ways to make a relationship work if you're at different stages in your lives.

That doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship can't work, just because you have some different interests, however. Dr. Jill A. Murray, a licensed psychotherapist and author, told INSIDER that her husband is 10 years younger than her, and they don't have the same taste in music. But they each have friends that they can talk about those kinds of things with, and it works for them.

"If you're dating someone with a big age difference, remember the reasons why you are drawn to that person," Christie Tcharkhoutian MA, MFT, a marriage and family therapist and professional matchmaker at Three Day Rule, told INSIDER. "Maybe you are very mature, and individuals your age aren't able to connect with you on a deeper level. Maybe you have a fun, energetic side and you haven't been able to find a partner your age with similar interests and activities."

Tcharkhoutian (and other experts) advised that you do some reflection about what you want in the relationship so that you're clear on that and can remind yourself of it when necessary.

If you want children, make sure your partner does too. Odua Images/Shutterstock

Make sure your values, morals, and life goals match up.

"If you want the relationship to be long-term, then make sure that your values, morals, and life goals match up," Laura Bilotta, a matchmaker, dating and relationship expert, and author, told INSIDER.

Bilotta mentioned a few specific questions to ask yourself before diving into something. Things like future goals, where you want to live, if you want a family, if you want religion to be part of your life, and if you see this person fitting in with your family and friends.

It's also important to consider what your relationship will look like down the line. "Big age differences aren't as noticeable when you're both middle-aged but what happens once one of you is a senior and the other isn't?," Bilotta said. "These are the big picture questions that need to be thought about before you decide to spend your life together."

If you agree with each other on the big things, smaller things like having different tastes in music likely won't be as big of a deal. Just like in any relationship, you don't have to (and won't) agree on everything all the time. Although it might seem like you're farther apart on some topics than you would be if you're closer in age, other factors besides age might play a role in that.

Be prepared for others to comment on your relationship.

Catherine Silver, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, told INSIDER that there's a good chance that people will have opinions about your relationship.

"They'll ask questions, they'll make comments that are probably pretty annoying, so be prepared with a response. Depending on who the person is, you might actually feel like you can get into an explanation of the relationship, but other times, it might not feel necessary, so just to be prepared with that," she said.

Make sure that both partners feel they're being treated fairly. Rawpixel.com/Shutterstock

Make sure that the dynamic in the relationship is equal and that one partner doesn't hold power over the other.

Murray also noted that it's important for each partner to avoid mothering the other, regardless of who's older or younger in the relationship. It can be difficult for those who take on that role even among friends to not act that way with their significant other, but she said that it's important to try to refrain. Sometimes mothering can turn into holding power over your partner, which isn't a healthy behavior.

Murray advised considering why your partner might be with you and why they're dating someone who's either older or younger than they are.

"They can be a mentor, they can be a guide, they can be a helpmate on things that they've experienced already that you haven't, or they can be using you to be the more powerful person in the relationship," she said.

And if the older person that you're dating is using the relationship for, as Murray put it, "power and control," they might not actually be in the relationship for the right reasons.

Murray said that if you notice your partner putting you down, scolding you, or making you feel small more often than not, that could be a red flag that the relationship isn't loving and is doing you more harm than good.

While it's important to consider the age gap in your relationship, it shouldn't be the only thing you focus on.

Considering the ways that your age difference might play out or affect your relationship is a good idea, but unnecessarily dwelling can turn it into a negative when it doesn't necessarily need to be.

"Because it's human nature that, whenever there's a conflict, you go to the most obvious difference between you and the other person to blame for it, and that can very much so be the person's age, when it might not actually be the issue," Silver said.

And when problems arise (or perhaps to prevent them from arising), communication is vital. Cohan said that communication and problem-solving skills can help you succeed, just as they would in any other relationship.

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