Since I was 15-years old, I knew what I wanted to do. I loved English class, I loved to write and there was only one thing I knew I loved more than both of those things: hockey. Anyone who knows me knows my passion for the game and how it has completely controlled my life.





I wanted to be a hockey reporter. I wanted to be that trusted face that other hockey lovers would turn to for news, analysis and even some humor when things aren’t going that fan’s way.





I turned 30 on Saturday. That means that half of my life was spent with this dream. Now, it’s time to move on to other things.





Let's not make too big a deal out of this. I have decided to discontinue my position with InsideSTL / CBS Sports Radio 920 and leave St. Louis Blues media. Believe me, this was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make.





I’ve had so many people follow me along this journey and use me as a source for Blues information, whether it be analysis of the team’s play or the news of a trade or signing. Becoming a source is exactly what I wanted out of the position and it happened for the better part of four years.





I’ve been a credentialed member of Blues media; I’ve attended two NHL drafts. I’ve been on multiple radio programs and even had the pleasure of doing some on-camera work with KSDK Newschannel 5. It was all a thrill that I certainly will cherish for the rest of my life.





Why am I leaving?





I feel I do owe some explanations. For one, I’ve been holding this position on a part-time basis. My full-time employer, Total Hockey, has been completely flexible in allowing me to cover the Blues the way that I have. The problem: I’m so tired all the time.





Working both of these positions has completely exhausted me. The days off that I actually do have are usually spent passing in and out of consciousness on my couch or attempting to go to bed early. I have a wife and son; I have neglected them for long enough.





The other part, quite frankly, is that I honestly don’t feel that I can stomach working in the media any longer. Don’t get me wrong, there are some absolutely Grade-A people working in the industry (Jeremy Rutherford and Andy Strickland, for example). However, for every class act there are multiple conniving snakes who want nothing more than to crush you, your character and everything that you stand for to simply move up the ranks. It’s very much a cutthroat industry. There are constantly conversations being had behind your back. However, what’s even worse, those same people act like your best friend and confidant to your face.





This sounds ridiculous, but I don’t have the mental capacity to put up with the charade any longer. Believe it or not, I am a good person who believes that people should work together, whether they are employed by the same outlet or work in completely different media platforms. That idea is not reciprocated throughout the press box.





I’m sure anyone who listens to CBS Sports Radio or follows me on Twitter knows of a recent personal battle I had with a fellow member of the media. I won’t divulge what happened, but it was an ugly situation that simply occurred because he had a problem with the way I covered the game. He responded by attacking me on social media multiple times, attempting to destroy my character. This is absolutely something I refuse to get involved in. Yes, this weighed heavily on my decision, but it was a straw that broke the camel’s back situation.





I also realized that, even if this guy moves on or I move up, there would be another this guy in my future . The media is dominated by this personality type and I cannot see myself dealing with it for the rest of my career.





I know that I’m good enough to be on the radio and talk sports. I am confident that I am a strong writer with a great hockey sense that can accomplish a lot in the industry. Yet, behaving in this manner is absolutely something I cannot do. It’s a part of the job that you need at least a little bit of in your mindset, and I will never be able to carry myself in this way.





What’s next for me?





My full-time job is with Total Hockey. I work in the marketing department, along with some of the brightest and most entertaining people I have ever been lucky enough to encounter. I am in constant communication with my marketing director about getting me involved in a more editorial-type role and shelling out some pieces about the game itself, as well as the equipment and many of Total Hockey’s partners and programs (including Hockey Green , which I strongly recommend all hockey players utilize).





Another exciting venture that I have always dreamed about is writing my own book. I have a few ideas that are floating around my head (including one that discusses my time as a media member), so I plan to get started on one of them this summer. Stay tuned to my Twitter (@jponder94) for any updates.





It’s also worth noting that I will remain with The Hockey Writers. It’s a wonderful site that has some great hockey minds sharing content everyday; you will still get coverage from me over there, especially since I am one of the newswriters with Marcy Di Michele . I wrote analysis-based pieces in the past for THW and I plan to return to that, as well.





You can also expect an honest Blues postseason wrap-up this week at The Hockey Writers. It will be something you won’t want to miss.





The Emmy Speech





Yes, there are multiple people I want to thank, even though I have won nothing.





The St. Louis Blues organization. Mike Caruso, Dan O’Neill, Rich Jankowski and everyone else in the front office. They do their best to help the media in every situation, even if it’s as simple as allowing us to grab someone after a game that originally wasn’t supposed to address the media. It’s been a pleasure working within the organization that I grew up treasuring.





Jeff Sullivan, Ram Luthra, Roger Fernandez, Bryan Petray and everyone at Panini, America. The only company to ever pull me away from St. Louis. Everyone personally listed helped me hone my craft and made me the writer I am today. For that, I can never repay them.





1380 The Fan 2, KSDK Newschannel 5, InsideSTL/CBS Sports Radio 920 . 1380 was the first station to pick me up -- just a few months after graduating college -- and they gave me my first real shot. Especially to Mike “The Z-Man” Zarrick and Joe "The Voice" Hardin: thank you for everything.





Mike Poepping and I on the Face Off Show

KSDK is what pulled me back to St. Louis after I moved to Dallas. Jordan Palmer created The Face Off Show and gave Mike Poepping and me the chance to become trusted sources for Blues fans. Jordan has a vision for a better-covered hockey team and I hope that dream is realized. He’s the man to do it.





InsideSTL/CBS Sports Radio 920 is a family of people who love their jobs. You have to respect that, right? Tim McKernan is everything that he resembles on the radio: a brilliant person with commendable intentions. I am truly going to miss calling in to The Morning After and exchanging jabs with Doug and The Cat. Brendan Marks, the company’s V.P. of digital operations, was the man who hired me and was a joy to work alongside. In the short time I was with 920, he had to put up with a lot that involved me; he handled it professionally and admirably.





I met some great people in these media outlets and I cannot express enough how much of an honor it was to work beside such prestigious names in the St. Louis market.





My family and friends. I know that I’ve said this on social media, but all of my family and friends have always had my back and pushed me to be the man that I am. I know that I would not have gone as far as I did without my mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother, my wife and my best friend always having my back and praising me when I write something they enjoy. This extends to former teachers (Rick and Connie Gunnarson, Cindy Pulley, etc.) and other close friends who probably listened to me bitch about the industry for far too long at times. In the words of John Kelly, thank you, thank you, thank you.





You. If you don’t qualify for any of the above groups, then this one is for you and don’t take this as a copout. I am amazed at how so many of you have become my friend and chatter with me on social media or when you run into me at games. When I set out to do this, my intention was to inform fans and give them a fresh take on certain subjects. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would meet so many people who never missed an article I wrote and were always willing to take shots at me when I got something incorrect (admit it, that means you were reading). I enjoyed every minute of it with the Blues/NHL fans and it is a part of the job that I will desperately miss. Thank you for all the kind words and all of the hateful comments; my days were always interesting.













In closing





I’ve made some friends in this journey ( Poepping and THW’s Dan Rice to name a few), and I hope these friendships continue.





You can still follow me on Twitter and be my friend on Facebook for my THW articles. You can expect a little more honest commentary about the Blues (learn what I REALLY think about Patrik Berglund … ok, I actually do like him).





As far as who to follow for your Blues coverage, here are your trusted sources and their Twitter handles:





Jeremy Rutherford ( @jprutherford ) - Beat writer

Tom Timmerman ( @tomtimm ) - St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer

Lou Korac ( @lkorac10 ) - NHL.com writer

Andy Strickland ( @andystrickland ) - Fox Sports Midwest reporter

Norm Sanders ( @normsanders ) - Belleville News-Democrat writer

Dave Luecking ( @moundcitysports ) - Mound City Sports columnist

Elisabeth Meinecke ( @lismeinecke ) - Fox Sports Midwest writer





Now, it’s time for this 30-year old to move onto the next phase in his life. Half of my life has been spent wanting one thing; where do I go now?



