Name: Stacey Dash.

Age: 51.

Appearance: Remarkably unchanged in 20-odd years.

I’m sure she looks familiar. Well, she’s an actor. You might remember her from the 1995 high-school comedy Clueless.

Yes, I do remember her from that! I loved Clueless! In that case, you will also remember that she played Dionne Davenport, Cher’s best friend, the one who learns to drive. She also delivers the best one-liner in the film during a tennis lesson.

Of course. What’s Dionne been up to for, um, the past 23 years? Oh, you know, this and that. Lots of TV, including the Clueless TV series. There was a reality show called Celebrity Circus. Lately, she has been a host and contributor on Fox News.

Uh-oh … Uh-huh. She was reportedly known by Fox’s former boss Roger Ailes as “the black girl”. Then Fox let her go last year.

Dash as Dionne Davenport in Clueless. Photograph: Allstar/Paramount

Poor Dionne! Stacey. Her name is Stacey Dash.

Whatever her name is, I’ll join her in the struggle against the patriarchy. I’m not sure you will. You see, Dash is rather unusual among Hollywood actors – let alone African-American actors – in being an avowed supporter of President Trump. And now she is running for office herself.

To be president? Well, to be the congresswoman for California’s 44th district, to begin with. She has submitted papers putting herself forward to be the Republican candidate at the midterms later this year. Her slogan will be “Dash to DC”.

Of course it will. So do I have to stop liking her? That depends on your politics. Dash supported Obama in 2008, then switched to Romney in 2012. In 2016, she became well known for her opposition to Black History Month and the BET awards for minorities.

This is like Scott Baio all over again. Oh, she’s better than Baio. He spreads conspiracy theories about the Sandy Hook school shooting. She just thinks awards for minorities are a type of self-segregation.

So she is the perfect candidate! She can appeal to liberals and conservatives alike! Ye-es. Either that, or nobody will like her.

Do say: “So they were all, ‘How would you tackle partisan redistricting?’ And I was like, ‘Whatever.’”

Don’t say: “A Republican winning a district that went 83% to Hillary two years ago is way unlikely.”