Sharknado 2: The Second One opens with a fifteen-minute sequence that is a masterpiece of directing, an emotional whirlwind that sends you slipping, sliding, and screaming through the sharp teeth of danger, through the very real fear of limbs being lost to vicious flying sharks. It is an environment of pulverization and decapitation, but all you can do is soldier on; brain matter is splattered all around you, but you must not forget that the brain you have inside your own head is more powerful than the jaws of a shark. Perseverance trumps sheer power until the shark eats you.

Until that happens, though, all you can do is run. All you can do is fight for what you believe in. The central struggle of this moving film involves the aptly named Fin, a name that reflects the lingering horrors of the first Sharknado, the memory of being inside of a shark. It wasn’t a sexual experience; rather, it was life or death and a huge fucking chainsaw, and it was Fin fighting for what he believed in. The light at the end of the tunnel was the anus of the shark, but he was able to cut himself out before he reached the end; by doing so, the memories of Sharknado 1 were not permeated by the maximum amount of shit. And this is where we leave off with Fin.

This man is haunted by the lack-of-shit-permeation memories, and he is placed in multiple situations–a plane, a subway–in which he’s trapped on all sides, enclosed by his own past; it’s only fitting that a shark would be the one to rip it all apart, because you see, Fin doesn’t know whether to embrace his great white past or his hammerhead future. It is an outside force that constantly intrudes, but as we can ascertain, perhaps it isn’t an intrusion. Yet, he still takes the initiative and attempts to grasp onto the future, flying the plane to safety and saving the woman on the subway and choosing to merely take the sword rather than the whole suit of armor (it’s not a coincidence that armor encompasses). He jumps onto the hammerheads and they propel him toward a better life, even though interestingly enough, Frogger is a classic game from the past.

Speaking of that Frogger scene, it’s intriguing to note how the taxi driver has only one real leg and perishes, while April–Tara Reid, by the way, accomplishes her goal of screaming a lot in that scene and should be prepping her Oscar speech–is left with one hand and lives; then, that severed arm is used to kill the last shark. It seems to be a comment on the transient nature of legs, but at the same time, that comes into direct contradiction with the image of a severed head laying a path of destruction throughout NYC. Perhaps it is symbolic of a loss of liberty or a breaking of statues. However you may read it, it is a powerful and haunting image.

All in all, this film is about opposites. Cold and hot air, bombs and Freon, New York chainsaws and Los Angeles chainsaws. Director Anthony Ferrante makes sure to align the shot of the outstretched chainsaw with the shot of the Empire State Building, implicitly aligning Fin with a shitload of steel. Throughout, he is caught between two twisters, two lives, two fronts, and he’s evolved in a way akin to Matt Lauer’s usage of “shark storm” evolving into a usage of “sharknado”. Fin may be making it up as he goes along, but what matters is that he’s playing himself in this movie. What matters is that, in the end, not only can he wield a chainsaw, but so can the rest of society.

There’s an image in the opening sequence that we linger on for a few seconds; it says “authorized personnel only”. Well, at the end of the film, Fin may not be authorized to fly a plane, but he is undoubtedly authorized to lead this world into a new era, to re-propose to a wife who would be better off dead, to stand at the pinnacle of all humankind. What got him here? Flaming shark balls and being electrocuted.

Did the shark know who he was? No, it’s merely that the shark was inside him all along.

GRADE: A+

OTHER THOUGHTS:

-This is the first time I have ever given out an A+.

-There are lots of–aka too many–inside jokes and cameos. Robert Hays, the pilot in Airplane!, is the pilot here. Martin and Ellen Brody are names from Jaws. Judd Hirsch is from Taxi, and he’s the taxi driver. Andy Dick shows up. Matt Lauer and Al Roker look like they’re actually broadcasting. Kelly Osbourne and Wil Wheaton die. Billy Ray Cyrus is a doctor. People are eaten by sharks.

Photo credit: Syfy, Sharknado 2: The Second One, flying sharks, tornados, shitty filmmakers , etc.