From NVCWiki

This list of feelings and needs are suggestions only; it's neither complete nor definitive. It's just an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. When these words are used to try to express to someone your feelings/emotions they do convey a sense of the emotions/feelings at play, but they also imply that someone is doing something to you and generally carry a message of wrongness or blame. (One interesting feature is that many of these mixed feeling/blame end with ..ed.)

For example, if I say I feel abused you may hear this as you abused me. In contrast, words that express pure feelings can't readily be heard that way: It's hard to hear I feel lonely as You lonelied me.

To use this list: when somebody says I'm feeling rejected, a Giraffe might empathically translate this as: Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?





Evaluative Word Giraffe Feeling(s) Giraffe Need(s) abandoned terrified, hurt, bewilderment, sad, fright, lonely Nurturing, connection, belonging, support, caring abused angry, frustration, fright Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical wellbeing, consideration. Need for all living things to flourish. unaccepted upset, fear, lonely inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contribution, peer respect, self-care attacked fearful, angry safety belittled angry, frustration, tense, distress respect, autonomy, to be seen, acknowledgment, appreciation betrayed angry, hurt, disappointment, outrage trust, dependability, honesty, honor, commitment, clarity, blamed angry, scared, confusion, antagonistic, hostile, bewildered, hurt Accountability, causality, fairness, justice bullied angry, scared, pressured autonomy, choice, safety, consideration caged/boxed in angry, thwarted, scared, anxious autonomy, choice, freedom cheated Resentful, hurt, angry honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability coerced angry, frustrated, frightened, thwarted, scared choice, autonomy, freedom, act freely, choose freely cornered angry, scared, anxious, thwarted autonomy, freedom criticized in pain, scared, anxious, frustrated, humiliated, angry, embarrassed understanding, acknowledgement, recognition, accountability, non-judgmental communication discounted/ diminished hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrated need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusions, recognition, respect disliked sad, lonely, hurt connection, appreciation, understanding acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion distrusted sad, frustrated trust, honesty, dumped on angry, overwhelmed respect, consideration harassed angry, frustrated, pressured, frightened respect, space, consideration, peace hassled irritated, distressed, angry, frustrated, serenity, autonomy, do things at my own pace and in my own way, calm, space ignored lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassed connection, belonging, inclusion, community, participation insulted angry, embarrassed respect, consideration, acknowledgment, recognition interrupted angry, frustrated, resentful, hurt respect, to be heard, consideration intimidated Scared, anxiety safety, equality, empowerment invalidated angry, hurt, resentful, appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, recognition invisible sad, angry, lonely, scared to be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging, community isolated lonely, afraid, scared community, inclusion, belonging, contribution left out sad, lonely, anxious inclusion, belonging, community, connection let down sad, disappointed, frightened consistency, trust, dependability, consistency manipulated angry, scared, powerless, thwarted, frustrated autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality, freedom, free choice, connection, genuineness mistrusted sad, angry trust misunderstood upset, angry, frustrated to be heard, understanding, clarity neglected lonely, scared connection, inclusion, participation, community, care, mattering, consideration overpowered angry, impotent, helpless, confused equality, justice, autonomy, freedom overworked angry, tired, frustrated respect, consideration, rest, caring patronized angry, frustrated, resentful recognition, equality, respect, mutuality pressured anxious, resentful, overwhelmed Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration provoked angry, frustrated, hostile, antagonistic, resentful respect, consideration, put down angry, sad, embarrassed respect, acknowledgment, understanding rejected hurt, scared, angry, defiant belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowledgment, connection ripped off/ screwed Anger, resentment, disappointment consideration, justice, fairness, justice acknowledgement, trust smothered/ suffocated Frustrated, fear, desperation, space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity. self expression taken for granted sad, angry, hurt, disappointment appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration Stalked frightened, helpless, scared, anxious space, empowerment, mutuality, safety, privacy, respect threatened scared, frightened, alarmed, agitated, defiant Safety, autonomy trampled angry, frustrated, overwhelmed empowerment, connection, community, being seen, consideration, equality, respect, acknowledgment tricked embarrassed, angry, resentful integrity, trust, honesty unappreciated sad, angry, hurt, frustrated appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consideration unheard sad, hostile, frustrated understanding, consideration, empathy unloved sad, bewildered, frustrated love, appreciation, empathy, connection, community unseen sad, anxious, frustrated acknowledgment, appreciation, be heard unsupported sad, hurt, resentful support, understanding unwanted sad, anxious, frustrated belonging, inclusion, caring used sad, angry, resentful autonomy, equality, consideration, mutuality victimized frightened, helpless empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice violated sad, agitated, anxiety privacy, safety, trust, space, respect wronged angry, hurt, resentful, irritated respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness

Positive Judgments

Words like these, linguistically are called nominalisations(the doctrine that the various objects labeled by the same term have nothing in common but their name, pertaining to a noun or to a word group that functions as a noun; "nominal phrase"; "noun phrase").

They are usually verbs/adverbs or action words which have been made into nouns.To love. To act wisely.To show respect.

But unlike real nouns such as chair , lettuce, shoes etc, you cannot touch them or see them

they stem from verbs/adverbs and are therefore actions , they also have meaning based on people's perception and experience. for example to be loving might mean give flowers to one person and to be loving to another might mean to give some one else space.

To give respect might mean to act on someones ideas and to give respect to someone else might mean see things from their point of view.

The many different interpretations of these types of words does, as you have observed, result in conflict, when defining the meaning and yet can also , paradoxically, bring harmony !...when clarity to the individuals' meaning is specifically defined.





Evaluative Word Giraffe Feeling(s) Giraffe Need(s) Righted happy, joy, pleasure respect, trust, safety, fairness Wanted happy, comfortable, calm belonging, inclusion, caring

* feel free to add more