1. Their stomachs are black holes. Anything in the radius of their eye sight, they consume.

2. They make bad, just plain bad, decisions over and over and over again.

3. They’re master criminals.

4. They don’t see walls. They see challenges to be overcome.

5. They blind your beloved childhood cartoon companions…

6. …and ruin classic childhood toys. Why? BECAUSE THEY CAN.

7. They WILL upstage the bride on her wedding day, because they know they’re the prettiest.

8. Their evil genius extends to manipulating technology to make you cringe.

9. They don’t believe in employee benefits.

10. What’s theirs is theirs. And what’s yours is yours–even if they have no use for it. So they eat it.

11. Burrowing is their passion. And their passion extends to everything you own.

12. They hate Christmas.

13. Their farts are just…oh God. The horror. The HORROR.

14. They’re blasphemers.

15. They take sibling rivalry to a whole new level.

16. They’re terrible hosts.

17. Even in sleep, they must be the center of attention.

18. They have an unholy fetish for underwear…

19. …and feminine hygiene products…

20… really, anything that has to do with a butt, they love.

21. They will perfume themselves with household objects.

22. They’re bird murderers.