THE BOOK OF GENESIS 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50



Chapta 1 [1:1] In tha beginnin when Dogg pimped tha heavens n' tha earth,

[1:2] tha earth was a gangbangin' formless void n' darknizz covered tha grill of tha deep, while a wind from Dogg swept over tha grill of tha waters.

[1:3] Then Dogg holla'd, "Let there be light"; n' boo-ya.. there was a shitload of weed.

[1:4] And Dogg smelled dat tha chronic was good; n' Dogg separated tha light from tha darkness.

[1:5] Dogg called tha light Day, n' tha darknizz his schmoooove ass called Night fo' realz. And there was evenin n' there was morning, tha straight-up original gangsta day.

[1:6] And Dogg holla'd, "Let there be a thugged-out dome up in tha midst of tha waters, n' let it separate tha watas from tha waters."

[1:7] So Dogg made tha dome n' separated tha watas dat was under tha dome from tha watas dat was above tha dome fo' realz. And dat shiznit was so.

[1:8] Dogg called tha dome Sky fo' realz. And there was evenin n' there was morning, tha second day.

[1:9] And Dogg holla'd, "Let tha watas under tha sky be gathered together tha fuck into one place, n' let tha dry land appear." And dat shiznit was so.

[1:10] Dogg called tha dry land Earth, n' tha watas dat was gathered together his schmoooove ass called Seas fo' realz. And Dogg saw dat dat shiznit was good.

[1:11] Then Dogg holla'd, "Let tha earth put forth vegetation: plants yieldin seed, n' fruit treez of every last muthafuckin kind on earth dat bear fruit wit tha seed up in dat shit." And dat shiznit was so.

[1:12] Da earth brought forth vegetation: plants yieldin seed of every last muthafuckin kind, n' treez of every last muthafuckin kind bearin fruit wit tha seed up in it fo' realz. And Dogg saw dat dat shiznit was good.

[1:13] And there was evenin n' there was morning, tha third day.

[1:14] And Dogg holla'd, "Let there be lights up in tha dome of tha sky ta separate tha dizzle from tha night; n' let dem be fo' signs n' fo' seasons n' fo' minutes n' years,

[1:15] n' let dem be lights up in tha dome of tha sky ta give light upon tha earth." And dat shiznit was so.

[1:16] Dogg made tha two pimped out lights - tha pimped outa light ta rule tha dizzle n' tha lesser light ta rule the night - n' tha stars.

[1:17] Dogg set dem up in tha dome of tha sky ta give light upon tha earth,

[1:18] ta rule over tha dizzle n' over tha night, n' ta separate tha light from tha darknizz fo' realz. And Dogg saw dat dat shiznit was good.

[1:19] And there was evenin n' there was morning, tha fourth day.

[1:20] And Dogg holla'd, "Let tha watas brang forth swarmz of livin creatures, n' let birdz fly above tha earth across tha dome of tha sky."

[1:21] So Dogg pimped tha pimped out sea monstas n' every last muthafuckin livin creature dat moves, of every last muthafuckin kind, wit which tha watas swarm, n' every last muthafuckin winged bird of every last muthafuckin kind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And Dogg saw dat dat shiznit was good.

[1:22] Dogg pimped them, saying, "Be fruitful n' multiply n' fill tha watas up in tha seas, n' let birdz multiply on tha earth."

[1:23] And there was evenin n' there was morning, tha fifth day.

[1:24] And Dogg holla'd, "Let tha earth brang forth livin creaturez of every last muthafuckin kind: cattle n' creepin thangs n' wild muthafuckaz of tha earth of every last muthafuckin kind." And dat shiznit was so.

[1:25] Dogg made tha wild muthafuckaz of tha earth of every last muthafuckin kind, n' tha cattle of every last muthafuckin kind, n' every last muthafuckin thang dat creeps upon tha ground of every last muthafuckin kind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And Dogg saw dat dat shiznit was good.

[1:26] Then Dogg holla'd, "Let our asses make humankind up in our image, accordin ta our likeness; n' let dem have dominion over tha fish of tha sea, n' over tha birdz of tha air, n' over tha cattle, n' over all tha wild muthafuckaz of tha earth, n' over every last muthafuckin creepin thang dat creeps upon tha earth."

[1:27] So Dogg pimped humankind up in his crazy-ass muthafuckin image, up in tha image of Dogg his schmoooove ass pimped them; thug n' biatch his schmoooove ass pimped dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

[1:28] Dogg pimped them, n' Dogg holla'd ta them, "Be fruitful n' multiply, n' fill tha earth n' subdue it; n' have dominion over tha fish of tha sea n' over tha birdz of tha air n' over every last muthafuckin livin thang dat moves upon tha earth."

[1:29] Dogg holla'd, "See, I have given you every last muthafuckin plant yieldin seed dat is upon tha grill of all tha earth, n' every last muthafuckin tree wit seed up in its fruit; you shall have dem fo' chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch.

[1:30] And ta every last muthafuckin beast of tha earth, n' ta every last muthafuckin bird of tha air, n' ta every last muthafuckin thang dat creeps on tha earth, every last muthafuckin thang dat has tha breath of game, I have given every last muthafuckin chronic plant fo' chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch." And dat shiznit was so.

[1:31] Dogg saw every last muthafuckin thang dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had made, n' indeed, dat shiznit was straight-up good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! And there was evenin n' there was morning, tha sixth day. Chapta 2 [2:1] Thus tha heavens n' tha earth was finished, n' all they multitude.

[2:2] And on tha seventh dizzle Dogg finished tha work dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had done, n' he rested on tha seventh dizzle from all tha work dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had done.

[2:3] So Dogg pimped tha seventh dizzle n' hallowed it, cuz on it Dogg rested from all tha work dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had done up in creation.

[2:4] These is tha generationz of tha heavens n' tha earth when they was pimped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. In tha dizzle dat tha LORD Dogg made tha earth n' tha heavens,

[2:5] when no plant of tha field was yet up in tha earth n' no herb of tha field had yet sprung up - fo' tha LORD Dogg had not caused it ta drizzle upon tha earth, n' there was no one ta till tha ground;

[2:6] but a stream would rise from tha earth, n' wata tha whole grill of the ground -

[2:7] then tha LORD Dogg formed playa from tha dust of tha ground, n' breathed tha fuck into his nostrils tha breath of game; n' tha playa became a livin being.

[2:8] And tha LORD Dogg planted a garden up in Eden, up in tha eastside; n' there he put tha playa whom dat schmoooove muthafucka had formed.

[2:9] Out of tha ground tha LORD Dogg made ta grow every last muthafuckin tree dat is pleasant ta tha sight n' phat fo' chicken, tha tree of game also up in tha midst of tha garden, n' tha tree of tha knowledge of phat n' evil.

[2:10] A river flows outta Eden ta wata tha garden, n' from there it divides n' becomes four branches.

[2:11] Da name of tha straight-up original gangsta is Pishon; it is tha one dat flows round tha whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;

[2:12] n' tha gold of dat land is good; bdellium n' onyx stone is there.

[2:13] Da name of tha second river is Gihon; it is tha one dat flows round tha whole land of Cush.

[2:14] Da name of tha third river is Tigris, which flows eastside of Assyria fo' realz. And tha fourth river is tha Euphrates.

[2:15] Da LORD Dogg took tha playa n' put his ass up in tha garden of Eden ta till it n' keep dat shit.

[2:16] And tha LORD Dogg commanded tha dude, "Yo ass may freely smoke of every last muthafuckin tree of tha garden;

[2:17] but of tha tree of tha knowledge of phat n' evil you shall not eat, fo' up in tha dizzle dat you smoke of it you shall take a thugged-out dirt nap."

[2:18] Then tha LORD Dogg holla'd, "It aint phat dat tha playa should be alone; I'ma make his ass a helper as his thugged-out lil' partner."

[2:19] So outta tha ground tha LORD Dogg formed every last muthafuckin animal of tha field n' every last muthafuckin bird of tha air, n' brought dem ta tha playa ta peep what tha fuck da thug would call them; n' whatever tha playa called every last muthafuckin livin creature, dat was its name.

[2:20] Da playa gave names ta all cattle, n' ta tha birdz of tha air, n' ta every last muthafuckin animal of tha field; but fo' tha playa there was not found a helper as his thugged-out lil' partner.

[2:21] So tha LORD Dogg caused a thugged-out deep chill ta fall upon tha dude, n' da perved-out muthafucka slept; then tha pimpin' muthafucka took one of his bangin ribs n' closed up its place wit flesh.

[2:22] And tha rib dat tha LORD Dogg had taken from tha playa he made tha fuck into a biatch n' brought her ta tha man.

[2:23] Then tha playa holla'd, "This at last is bone of mah bones n' flesh of mah flesh; dis one shall be called Woman, fo' outta Man dis one was taken."

[2:24] Therefore a playa leaves his wild lil' daddy n' his crazy-ass mutha n' clings ta his hoe, n' they become one flesh.

[2:25] And tha playa n' his hoe was both naked, n' was not ashamed.

Chapta 3 [3:1] Now tha serpent was mo' crafty than any other wild animal dat tha LORD Dogg had made yo. Dude holla'd ta tha biatch, "Did Dogg say, 'Yo ass shall not smoke from any tree up in tha garden'?"

[3:2] Da biatch holla'd ta tha serpent, "We may smoke of tha fruit of tha trees up in tha garden;

[3:3] but Dogg holla'd, 'Yo ass shall not smoke of tha fruit of tha tree dat is up in tha middle of tha garden, nor shall you bust a nut on it, or you shall take a thugged-out dirt nap. '"

[3:4] But tha serpent holla'd ta tha biatch, "Yo ass aint gonna die;

[3:5] fo' Dogg knows dat when you smoke of it yo' eyes is ghon be opened, n' yo big-ass booty is ghon be like God, knowin phat n' evil."

[3:6] So when tha biatch saw dat tha tree was phat fo' chicken, n' dat dat shiznit was a thugged-out delight ta tha eyes, n' dat tha tree was ta be desired ta make one wise, dat dunkadelic hoe took of its fruit n' ate; n' she also gave some ta her homeboy, whoz ass was wit her, n' he ate.

[3:7] Then tha eyez of both was opened, n' they knew dat they was naked; n' they sewed fig leaves together n' made loincloths fo' theyselves.

[3:8] They heard tha sound of tha LORD Dogg struttin up in tha garden all up in tha time of tha evenin breeze, n' tha playa n' his hoe hid theyselves from tha presence of tha LORD Dogg among tha treez of tha garden.

[3:9] But tha LORD Dogg called ta tha dude, n' holla'd ta him, "Where is yo slick ass?"

[3:10] Dude holla'd, "I heard tha sound of y'all up in tha garden, n' I was afraid, cuz I was naked; n' I hid mah dirty ass."

[3:11] Dude holla'd, "Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck holla'd at you dat you was naked, biatch? Has you done smoked from tha tree of which I commanded you not ta eat?"

[3:12] Da playa holla'd, "Da biatch whom you gave ta be wit me, she gave me fruit from tha tree, n' I ate."

[3:13] Then tha LORD Dogg holla'd ta tha biatch, "What tha fuck iz dis dat you have done?" Da biatch holla'd, "Da serpent tricked me, n' I ate."

[3:14] Da LORD Dogg holla'd ta tha serpent, "Because you have done this, cursed is you among all muthafuckas n' among all wild creatures; upon yo' belly you shall go, n' dust you shall smoke all tha minutez of yo' game.

[3:15] I'ma put enmitizzle between you n' tha biatch, n' between yo' offsprin n' hers; da thug will strike yo' head, n' yo big-ass booty is ghon strike his heel."

[3:16] To tha biatch da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "I'ma pimped outly increase yo' pangs up in childbearing; up in pain you shall brang forth children, yet yo' desire shall be fo' yo' homeboy, n' da perved-out muthafucka shall rule over you, biatch."

[3:17] And ta tha playa da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Because you have listened ta tha voice of yo' hoe, n' have smoked of tha tree bout which I commanded you, 'Yo ass shall not smoke of it,' cursed is tha ground cuz of you; up in toil you shall smoke of all dat shiznit tha minutez of yo' game;

[3:18] thorns n' thistlez it shall brang forth fo' you; n' you shall smoke tha plantz of tha field.

[3:19] By tha sweat of yo' grill you shall smoke bread until you return ta tha ground, fo' outta it you was taken; yo ass is dust, n' ta dust you shall return."

[3:20] Da playa named his hoe Eve, cuz dat biiiiatch was tha mutha of all living.

[3:21] And tha LORD Dogg made garmentz of skins fo' tha playa n' fo' his hoe, n' clothed dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

[3:22] Then tha LORD Dogg holla'd, "See, tha playa has become like one of us, knowin phat n' evil; n' now, he might reach up his hand n' take also from tha tree of game, n' eat, n' live forever"--

[3:23] therefore tha LORD Dogg busted his ass forth from tha garden of Eden, ta till tha ground from which da thug was taken.

[3:24] Dude drove up tha man; n' all up in tha eastside of tha garden of Eden he placed tha cherubim, n' a sword flamin n' turnin ta guard tha way ta tha tree of game.

Chapta 4 [4:1] Now tha playa knew his hoe Eve, n' dat thugged-out biiiatch conceived n' bore Cain, saying, "I have produced a playa wit tha help of tha LORD."

[4:2] Next da hoe bore his brutha Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, n' Cain a tilla of tha ground.

[4:3] In tha course of time Cain brought ta tha LORD a offerin of tha fruit of tha ground,

[4:4] n' Abel fo' his thugged-out lil' part brought of tha firstlingz of his wild lil' flock, they fat portions fo' realz. And tha LORD had regard fo' Abel n' his offering,

[4:5] but fo' Cain n' his offerin dat schmoooove muthafucka had no regard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So Cain was straight-up mad salty, n' his countenizzle fell.

[4:6] Da LORD holla'd ta Cain, "Why is you mad salty, n' why has yo' countenizzle fallen?

[4:7] If you do well, will you not be accepted, biatch? And if you do not do well, sin is lurkin all up in tha door; its desire is fo' you yo, but you must masta dat shit."

[4:8] Cain holla'd ta his brutha Abel, "Let our asses go up ta tha field." And when they was up in tha field, Cain rose up against his brutha Abel, n' capped his muthafuckin ass.

[4:9] Then tha LORD holla'd ta Cain, "Where is yo' brutha Abel?" Dude holla'd, "I do not know; is I mah brotherz keeper?"

[4:10] And tha LORD holla'd, "What have you done, biatch? Listen; yo' brotherz blood is bustin up like a biatch up ta me from tha ground dawwwg!

[4:11] And now yo ass is cursed from tha ground, which has opened its grill ta receive yo' brotherz blood from yo' hand.

[4:12] When you till tha ground, it will no longer yield ta you its strength; yo big-ass booty is ghon be a gangbangin' fugitizzle n' a wanderer on tha earth."

[4:13] Cain holla'd ta tha LORD, "My fuckin punishment is pimped outa than I can bear son!

[4:14] Todizzle you have driven me away from tha soil, n' I shall be hidden from yo' face; I shall be a gangbangin' fugitizzle n' a wanderer on tha earth, n' mah playas whoz ass meets me may bust a cap up in mah dirty ass."

[4:15] Then tha LORD holla'd ta him, "Not so! Whoever kills Cain betta recognize a sevenfold vengeance." And tha LORD put a mark on Cain, so dat no one whoz ass came upon his ass would bust a cap up in his muthafuckin ass.

[4:16] Then Cain went away from tha presence of tha LORD, n' settled up in tha land of Nod, eastside of Eden.

[4:17] Cain knew his hoe, n' dat thugged-out biiiatch conceived n' bore Enoch; n' his thugged-out lil' punk-ass built a cold-ass lil hood, n' named it Enoch afta his fuckin lil hustla Enoch.

[4:18] To Enoch started doin thangs Irad; n' Irad was tha daddy of Mehujael, n' Mehujael tha daddy of Methushael, n' Methushael tha daddy of Lamech.

[4:19] Lamech took two wives; tha name of tha one was Adah, n' tha name of tha other Zillah.

[4:20] Adah bore Jabal; da thug was tha ancestor of dem playas whoz ass live up in tents n' have livestock.

[4:21] His brotherz name was Jubal; da thug was tha ancestor of all dem playas whoz ass play tha lyre n' pipe.

[4:22] Zillah bore Tubal-cain, whoz ass made all kindz of bronze n' iron tools. Da sista of Tubal-cain was Naamah.

[4:23] Lamech holla'd ta his wives: "Adah n' Zillah, hear mah voice; you wivez of Lamech, dig what tha fuck I say: I have capped a playa fo' woundin me, a lil' playa fo' strikin mah dirty ass.

[4:24] If Cain be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy-sevenfold."

[4:25] Adam knew his hoe again, n' da hoe bore a lil hustla n' named his ass Seth, fo' her big-ass booty holla'd, "Dogg has appointed fo' me another lil pimp instead of Abel, cuz Cain capped his muthafuckin ass."

[4:26] To Seth also a lil hustla was born, n' he named his ass Enosh fo' realz. At dat time playas fuckin started ta invoke tha name of tha LORD. Chapta 5 [5:1] This is tha list of tha descendantz of Adam. When Dogg pimped humankind, he made dem up in tha likenizz of Dogg.

[5:2] Male n' biatch his schmoooove ass pimped them, n' he pimped dem n' named dem "Humankind" when they was pimped.

[5:3] When Adam had lived one hundred thirty years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of a lil hustla up in his fuckin likeness, accordin ta his crazy-ass muthafuckin image, n' named his ass Seth.

[5:4] Da minutez of Adam afta his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Seth was eight hundred years; n' dat schmoooove muthafucka had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:5] Thus all tha minutes dat Adam lived was nine hundred thirty years; n' da ruffneck died.

[5:6] When Seth had lived one hundred five years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Enosh.

[5:7] Seth lived afta tha birth of Enosh eight hundred seven years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:8] Thus all tha minutez of Seth was nine hundred twelve years; n' da ruffneck died.

[5:9] When Enosh had lived ninety years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Kenan.

[5:10] Enosh lived afta tha birth of Kenan eight hundred fifteen years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:11] Thus all tha minutez of Enosh was nine hundred five years; n' da ruffneck died.

[5:12] When Kenan had lived seventy years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Mahalalel.

[5:13] Kenan lived afta tha birth of Mahalalel eight hundred n' forty years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:14] Thus all tha minutez of Kenan was nine hundred n' ten years; n' da ruffneck died.

[5:15] When Mahalalel had lived sixty-five years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Jared.

[5:16] Mahalalel lived afta tha birth of Jared eight hundred thirty years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:17] Thus all tha minutez of Mahalalel was eight hundred ninety-five years; n' da ruffneck died.

[5:18] When Jared had lived one hundred sixty-two muthafuckin years his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Enoch.

[5:19] Jared lived afta tha birth of Enoch eight hundred years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:20] Thus all tha minutez of Jared was nine hundred sixty-two years; n' da ruffneck died.

[5:21] When Enoch had lived sixty-five years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Methuselah.

[5:22] Enoch strutted wit Dogg afta tha birth of Methuselah three hundred years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:23] Thus all tha minutez of Enoch was three hundred sixty-five years.

[5:24] Enoch strutted wit God; then da thug was no more, cuz Dogg took his muthafuckin ass.

[5:25] When Methuselah had lived one hundred eighty-seven years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Lamech.

[5:26] Methuselah lived afta tha birth of Lamech seven hundred eighty- two years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:27] Thus all tha minutez of Methuselah was nine hundred sixty-nine years; n' da ruffneck died.

[5:28] When Lamech had lived one hundred eighty-two years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of a son;

[5:29] he named his ass Noah, saying, "Out of tha ground dat tha LORD has cursed dis one shall brang our asses relief from our work n' from tha toil of our hands."

[5:30] Lamech lived afta tha birth of Noah five hundred ninety-five years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[5:31] Thus all tha minutez of Lamech was seven hundred seventy-seven years; n' da ruffneck died.

[5:32] Afta Noah was five hundred muthafuckin years old, Noah became tha daddy of Shem, Ham, n' Japheth. Chapta 6 [6:1] When playas fuckin started ta multiply on tha grill of tha ground, n' daughtas was born ta them,

[6:2] tha lil playaz of Dogg saw dat they was fair; n' they took wives fo' theyselvez of all dat they chose.

[6:3] Then tha LORD holla'd, "My fuckin spirit shall not abide up in mortals forever, fo' they is flesh; they minutes shall be one hundred twenty years."

[6:4] Da Nephilim was on tha earth up in dem minutes - n' also afterward - when tha lil playaz of Dogg went up in ta tha daughtaz of humans, whoz ass bore lil pimps ta dem wild-ass muthafuckas. These was tha heroes dat waz of old, warriorz of renown.

[6:5] Da LORD saw dat tha wickednizz of humankind was pimped out up in tha earth, n' dat every last muthafuckin inclination of tha thoughtz of they hearts was only evil continually.

[6:6] And tha LORD was sorry dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had made humankind on tha earth, n' it grieved his ass ta his thugged-out ass.

[6:7] So tha LORD holla'd, "I'ma blot up from tha earth tha human beings I have created - playas together wit muthafuckas n' creepin thangs n' birdz of tha air, fo' I be sorry dat I have made dem wild-ass muthafuckas."

[6:8] But Noah found favor up in tha sight of tha LORD.

[6:9] These is tha descendantz of Noah. Noah was a righteous dude, blameless up in his wild lil' freakadelic generation; Noah strutted wit Dogg.

[6:10] And Noah had three sons, Shem, Ham, n' Japheth.

[6:11] Now tha earth was corrupt up in Godz sight, n' tha earth was filled wit shit.

[6:12] And Dogg saw dat tha earth was corrupt; fo' all flesh had corrupted its ways upon tha earth.

[6:13] And Dogg holla'd ta Noah, "I have determined ta cook up a end of all flesh, fo' tha earth is filled wit shiznit cuz of them; now I be goin ta fuck wit dem along wit tha earth.

[6:14] Make yo ass a ark of cypress wood; make rooms up in tha ark, n' cover it inside n' up wit pitch.

[6:15] This is how tha fuck yo ass is ta make it: tha length of tha ark three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, n' its height thirty cubits.

[6:16] Make a roof fo' tha ark, n' finish it ta a cold-ass lil cubit above; n' put tha door of tha ark up in its side; make it wit lower, second, n' third decks.

[6:17] For mah part, I be goin ta brang a gangbangin' flood of watas on tha earth, ta fuck wit from under heaven all flesh up in which is tha breath of game; every last muthafuckin thang dat is on tha earth shall take a thugged-out dirt nap.

[6:18] But I'ma establish mah covenant wit you; n' you shall come tha fuck into tha ark, you, yo' sons, yo' hoe, n' yo' sons' wives wit you, biatch.

[6:19] And of every last muthafuckin livin thang, of all flesh, you shall brang two of every last muthafuckin kind tha fuck into tha ark, ta keep dem kickin it wit you; they shall be thug n' female.

[6:20] Of tha birdz accordin ta they kinds, n' of tha muthafuckas accordin ta they kinds, of every last muthafuckin creepin thang of tha ground accordin ta its kind, two of every last muthafuckin kind shall come up in ta you, ta keep dem kickin it.

[6:21] Also take wit you every last muthafuckin kind of chicken dat is eaten, n' store it up; n' it shall serve as chicken fo' you n' fo' dem wild-ass muthafuckas."

[6:22] Noah did this; da ruffneck did all dat Dogg commanded his muthafuckin ass.

Chapta 7 [7:1] Then tha LORD holla'd ta Noah, "Go tha fuck into tha ark, you n' all yo' household, fo' I have peeped dat you ridin' solo is righteous before me up in dis generation.

[7:2] Take wit you seven pairz of all clean muthafuckas, tha thug n' its mate; n' a pair of tha muthafuckas dat aint clean, tha thug n' its mate;

[7:3] n' seven pairz of tha birdz of tha air also, thug n' female, ta keep they kind kickin it on tha grill of all tha earth.

[7:4] For up in seven minutes I'ma bust drizzle on tha earth fo' forty minutes n' forty nights; n' every last muthafuckin livin thang dat I have made I'ma blot up from tha grill of tha ground."

[7:5] And Noah did all dat tha LORD had commanded his muthafuckin ass.

[7:6] Noah was six hundred muthafuckin years oldschool when tha flood of watas came on tha earth.

[7:7] And Noah wit his fuckin lil playas n' his hoe n' his sons' wives went tha fuck into tha ark ta escape tha wataz of tha flood.

[7:8] Of clean muthafuckas, n' of muthafuckas dat aint clean, n' of birds, n' of every last muthafuckin thang dat creeps on tha ground,

[7:9] two n' two, thug n' female, went tha fuck into tha ark wit Noah, as Dogg had commanded Noah.

[7:10] And afta seven minutes tha wataz of tha flood came on tha earth.

[7:11] In tha six hundredth year of Noahz game, up in tha second month, on tha seventeenth dizzle of tha month, on dat dizzle all tha fountainz of tha pimped out deep burst forth, n' tha windowz of tha heavens was opened.

[7:12] Da drizzle fell tha fuck on tha earth forty minutes n' forty nights.

[7:13] On tha straight-up same dizzle Noah wit his sons, Shem n' Ham n' Japheth, n' Noahz hoe n' tha three wivez of his fuckin lil playas entered tha ark,

[7:14] they n' every last muthafuckin wild animal of every last muthafuckin kind, n' all domestic muthafuckaz of every last muthafuckin kind, n' every last muthafuckin creepin thang dat creeps on tha earth, n' every last muthafuckin bird of every kind - every last muthafuckin bird, every last muthafuckin winged creature.

[7:15] They went tha fuck into tha ark wit Noah, two n' two of all flesh up in which there was tha breath of game.

[7:16] And dem dat entered, thug n' biatch of all flesh, went up in as Dogg had commanded him; n' tha LORD shut his ass in.

[7:17] Da flood continued forty minutes on tha earth; n' tha watas increased, n' bore up tha ark, n' it rose high above tha earth.

[7:18] Da watas swelled n' increased pimped outly on tha earth; n' tha ark floated on tha grill of tha waters.

[7:19] Da watas swelled so mightily on tha earth dat all tha high mountains under tha whole heaven was covered;

[7:20] tha watas swelled above tha mountains, coverin dem fifteen cubits deep.

[7:21] And all flesh took a dirt nap dat moved on tha earth, birds, domestic muthafuckas, wild muthafuckas, all swarmin creatures dat swarm on tha earth, n' all human beings;

[7:22] every last muthafuckin thang on dry land up in whose nostrils was tha breath of game died.

[7:23] Dude blotted up every last muthafuckin livin thang dat was on tha grill of tha ground, human beings n' muthafuckas n' creepin thangs n' birdz of tha air; they was blotted up from tha earth. Only Noah was left, n' dem dat was wit his ass up in tha ark.

[7:24] And tha watas swelled on tha earth fo' one hundred fifty days.

Chapta 8 [8:1] But Dogg remembered Noah n' all tha wild muthafuckas n' all tha domestic muthafuckas dat was wit his ass up in tha ark fo' realz. And Dogg done cooked up a wind blow over tha earth, n' tha watas subsided;

[8:2] tha fountainz of tha deep n' tha windowz of tha heavens was closed, tha drizzle from tha heavens was restrained,

[8:3] n' tha watas gradually receded from tha earth fo' realz. At tha end of one hundred fifty minutes tha watas had abated;

[8:4] n' up in tha seventh month, on tha seventeenth dizzle of tha month, tha ark came ta rest on tha mountainz of Ararat.

[8:5] Da watas continued ta abate until tha tenth month; up in tha tenth month, on tha straight-up original gangsta dizzle of tha month, tha topz of tha mountains rocked up.

[8:6] At tha end of forty minutes Noah opened tha window of tha ark dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had made

[8:7] n' busted up tha raven; n' it went ta n' fro until tha watas was dried up from tha earth.

[8:8] Then da perved-out muthafucka busted up tha dove from him, ta peep if tha watas had subsided from tha grill of tha ground;

[8:9] but tha dove found no place ta set its foot, n' it moonwalked back ta his ass ta tha ark, fo' tha watas was still on tha grill of tha whole earth. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So he put up his hand n' took it n' brought it tha fuck into tha ark wit his muthafuckin ass.

[8:10] Dude waited another seven days, n' again n' again n' again da perved-out muthafucka busted up tha dove from tha ark;

[8:11] n' tha dove came back ta his ass up in tha evening, n' there up in its beak was a gangbangin' freshly plucked olive leaf; so Noah knew dat tha watas had subsided from tha earth.

[8:12] Then da thug waited another seven days, n' busted up tha dove; n' it did not return ta his ass any more.

[8:13] In tha six hundred first year, up in tha straight-up original gangsta month, tha straight-up original gangsta dizzle of tha month, tha watas was dried up from tha earth; n' Noah removed tha coverin of tha ark, n' looked, n' saw dat tha grill of tha ground was drying.

[8:14] In tha second month, on tha twenty-seventh dizzle of tha month, tha earth was dry.

[8:15] Then Dogg holla'd ta Noah,

[8:16] "Go outta tha ark, you n' yo' hoe, n' yo' lil playas n' yo' sons' wives wit you, biatch.

[8:17] Brin up wit you every last muthafuckin livin thang dat is wit you of all flesh - birdz n' muthafuckas n' every last muthafuckin creepin thang dat creeps on tha earth - so dat they may abound on tha earth, n' be fruitful n' multiply on tha earth."

[8:18] So Noah went up wit his fuckin lil playas n' his hoe n' his sons' wives.

[8:19] And every last muthafuckin animal, every last muthafuckin creepin thang, n' every last muthafuckin bird, every last muthafuckin thang dat moves on tha earth, went outta tha ark by crews.

[8:20] Then Noah built a altar ta tha LORD, n' took of every last muthafuckin clean animal n' of every last muthafuckin clean bird, n' offered burnt offerings on tha altar.

[8:21] And when tha LORD smelled tha pleasin odor, tha LORD holla'd up in his thugged-out ass, "I aint NEVER gonna again n' again n' again curse tha ground cuz of humankind, fo' tha inclination of tha human ass is evil from youth; nor will I eva again n' again n' again fuck wit every last muthafuckin livin creature as I have done.

[8:22] As long as tha earth endures, seedtime n' harvest, cold n' heat, summer n' winter, dizzle n' night, shall not cease."

Chapta 9 [9:1] Dogg pimped Noah n' his sons, n' holla'd ta them, "Be fruitful n' multiply, n' fill tha earth.

[9:2] Da fear n' dread of y'all shall rest on every last muthafuckin animal of tha earth, n' on every last muthafuckin bird of tha air, on every last muthafuckin thang dat creeps on tha ground, n' on all tha fish of tha sea; tha fuck into yo' hand they is delivered.

[9:3] Every movin thang dat lives shall be chicken fo' you; n' just as I gave you tha chronic plants, I hit you wit every last muthafuckin thang.

[9:4] Only, you shall not smoke flesh wit its game, dat is, its blood.

[9:5] For yo' own gameblood I'ma surely require a reckoning: from every last muthafuckin animal I'ma require it n' from human beings, each one fo' tha blood of another, I'ma require a reckonin fo' human game.

[9:6] Whoever shedz tha blood of a human, by a human shall dat personz blood be shed; fo' up in his own image Dogg made humankind.

[9:7] And you, be fruitful n' multiply, abound on tha earth n' multiply up in dat shit."

[9:8] Then Dogg holla'd ta Noah n' ta his fuckin lil playas wit him,

[9:9] "As fo' me, I be establishin mah covenant wit you n' yo' descendants afta you,

[9:10] n' wit every last muthafuckin livin creature dat is wit you, tha birds, tha domestic muthafuckas, n' every last muthafuckin animal of tha earth wit you, as nuff as came outta tha ark.

[9:11] I establish mah covenant wit you, dat never again n' again n' again shall all flesh be cut off by tha wataz of a gangbangin' flood, n' never again n' again n' again shall there be a gangbangin' flood ta fuck wit tha earth."

[9:12] Dogg holla'd, "This is tha sign of tha covenant dat I make between me n' you n' every last muthafuckin livin creature dat is wit you, fo' all future generations:

[9:13] I have set mah bow up in tha clouds, n' it shall be a sign of tha covenant between me n' tha earth.

[9:14] When I brang cloudz over tha earth n' tha bow is peeped up in tha clouds,

[9:15] I'ma remember mah covenant dat is between me n' you n' every last muthafuckin livin creature of all flesh; n' tha watas shall never again n' again n' again become a gangbangin' flood ta fuck wit all flesh.

[9:16] When tha bow is up in tha clouds, I'ma peep it n' remember tha everlastin covenant between Dogg n' every last muthafuckin livin creature of all flesh dat is on tha earth."

[9:17] Dogg holla'd ta Noah, "This is tha sign of tha covenant dat I have established between me n' all flesh dat is on tha earth."

[9:18] Da lil playaz of Noah whoz ass went outta tha ark was Shem, Ham, n' Japheth yo. Ham was tha daddy of Canaan.

[9:19] These three was tha lil playaz of Noah; n' from these tha whole earth was peopled.

[9:20] Noah, a playa of tha soil, was tha straight-up original gangsta ta plant a vineyard.

[9:21] Dude drank a shitload of tha Cristal n' became faded, n' he lay uncovered up in his cold-ass tent.

[9:22] And Ham, tha daddy of Canaan, saw tha nakednizz of his wild lil' father, n' holla'd at his cold-ass two brothers outside.

[9:23] Then Shem n' Japheth took a garment, laid it on both they shoulders, n' strutted backward n' covered tha nakednizz of they father; they faces was turned away, n' they did not peep they fatherz nakedness.

[9:24] When Noah awoke from his Cristal n' knew what tha fuck his youngest lil hustla had done ta him,

[9:25] da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Cursed be Canaan; lowest of slaves shall his thugged-out lil' punk-ass be ta his brothers."

[9:26] Dude also holla'd, "Blessed by tha LORD mah Dogg be Shem; n' let Canaan be his slave.

[9:27] May Dogg make space fo' Japheth, n' let his ass live up in tha tentz of Shem; n' let Canaan be his slave."

[9:28] Afta tha flood Noah lived three hundred fifty years.

[9:29] All tha minutez of Noah was nine hundred fifty years; n' da ruffneck died.

Chapta 10 [10:1] These is tha descendantz of Noahz sons, Shem, Ham, n' Japheth; lil pimps was born ta dem afta tha flood.

[10:2] Da descendantz of Japheth: Gomer, Magog, Madai, Javan, Tubal, Meshech, n' Tiras.

[10:3] Da descendantz of Gomer: Ashkenaz, Riphath, n' Togarmah.

[10:4] Da descendantz of Javan: Elishah, Tarshish, Kittim, n' Rodanim.

[10:5] From these tha coastland peoplez spread. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! These is tha descendantz of Japheth up in they lands, wit they own language, by they crews, up in they nations.

[10:6] Da descendantz of Ham: Cush, Egypt, Put, n' Canaan.

[10:7] Da descendantz of Cush: Seba, Havilah, Sabtah, Raamah, n' Sabteca. Da descendantz of Raamah: Sheba n' Dedan.

[10:8] Cush became tha daddy of Nimrod; da thug was tha straight-up original gangsta on earth ta become a mighty warrior.

[10:9] Dude was a mighty hunta before tha LORD; therefore it is holla'd, "Like Nimrod a mighty hunta before tha LORD."

[10:10] Da beginnin of his mackdaddydom was Muthafuckal, Erech, n' Accad, all of dem up in tha land of Shinar.

[10:11] From dat land da thug went tha fuck into Assyria, n' built Nineveh, Rehoboth-ir, Calah, and

[10:12] Resen between Nineveh n' Calah; dat is tha pimped out hood.

[10:13] Egypt became tha daddy of Ludim, Anamim, Lehabim, Naphtuhim,

[10:14] Pathrusim, Casluhim, n' Caphtorim, from which tha Philistines come.

[10:15] Canaan became tha daddy of Sidon his wild lil' firstborn, n' Heth,

[10:16] n' tha Jebusites, tha Amorites, tha Girgashites,

[10:17] tha Hivites, tha Arkites, tha Sinites,

[10:18] tha Arvadites, tha Zemarites, n' tha Hamathites fo' realz. Afterward tha crewz of tha Canaanites spread abroad.

[10:19] And tha territory of tha Canaanites extended from Sidon, up in tha direction of Gerar, as far as Gaza, n' up in tha direction of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, n' Zeboiim, as far as Lasha.

[10:20] These is tha descendantz of Ham, by they crews, they languages, they lands, n' they nations.

[10:21] To Shem also, tha daddy of all tha lil pimpz of Eber, tha elder brutha of Japheth, lil pimps was born.

[10:22] Da descendantz of Shem: Elam, Asshur, Arpachshad, Lud, n' Aram.

[10:23] Da descendantz of Aram: Uz, Hul, Gether, n' Mash.

[10:24] Arpachshad became tha daddy of Shelah; n' Shelah became tha daddy of Eber.

[10:25] To Eber was born two sons: tha name of tha one was Peleg, fo' up in his crazy-ass minutes tha earth was divided, n' his brotherz name was Joktan.

[10:26] Joktan became tha daddy of Almodad, Sheleph, Hazarmaveth, Jerah,

[10:27] Hadoram, Uzal, Diklah,

[10:28] Obal, Abimael, Sheba,

[10:29] Ophir, Havilah, n' Jobab; all these was tha descendantz of Joktan.

[10:30] Da territory up in which they lived extended from Mesha up in tha direction of Sephar, tha hill ghetto of tha eastside.

[10:31] These is tha descendantz of Shem, by they crews, they languages, they lands, n' they nations.

[10:32] These is tha crewz of Noahz sons, accordin ta they genealogies, up in they nations; n' from these tha nations spread abroad on tha earth afta tha flood.

Chapta 11 [11:1] Now tha whole earth had one language n' tha same lyrics.

[11:2] And as they migrated from tha eastside, they came upon a plain up in tha land of Shinar n' settled there.

[11:3] And they holla'd ta one another, "Come, let our asses make bricks, n' burn dem thoroughly." And they had brick fo' stone, n' bitumen fo' mortar.

[11:4] Then they holla'd, "Come, let our asses build ourselves a cold-ass lil hood, n' a tower wit its top up in tha heavens, n' let our asses cook up a name fo' ourselves; otherwise we shall be scattered abroad upon tha grill of tha whole earth."

[11:5] Da LORD came down ta peep tha hood n' tha tower, which mortals had built.

[11:6] And tha LORD holla'd, "Look, they is one people, n' they have all one language; n' dis is only tha beginnin of what tha fuck they will do; not a god damn thang dat they propose ta do will now be impossible fo' dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

[11:7] Come, let our asses go down, n' confuse they language there, so dat they aint gonna KNOW one anotherz speech."

[11:8] So tha LORD scattered dem abroad from there over tha grill of all tha earth, n' they left off buildin tha hood.

[11:9] Therefore dat shiznit was called Muthafuckal, cuz there tha LORD trippin tha language of all tha earth; n' from there tha LORD scattered dem abroad over tha grill of all tha earth.

[11:10] These is tha descendantz of Shem. When Shem was one hundred muthafuckin years old, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Arpachshad two muthafuckin years afta tha flood;

[11:11] n' Shem lived afta tha birth of Arpachshad five hundred years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[11:12] When Arpachshad had lived thirty-five years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Shelah;

[11:13] n' Arpachshad lived afta tha birth of Shelah four hundred three years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[11:14] When Shelah had lived thirty years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Eber;

[11:15] n' Shelah lived afta tha birth of Eber four hundred three years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[11:16] When Eber had lived thirty-four years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Peleg;

[11:17] n' Eber lived afta tha birth of Peleg four hundred thirty years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[11:18] When Peleg had lived thirty years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Reu;

[11:19] n' Peleg lived afta tha birth of Reu two hundred nine years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[11:20] When Reu had lived thirty-two years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Serug;

[11:21] n' Reu lived afta tha birth of Serug two hundred seven years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[11:22] When Serug had lived thirty years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Nahor;

[11:23] n' Serug lived afta tha birth of Nahor two hundred years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[11:24] When Nahor had lived twenty-nine years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Terah;

[11:25] n' Nahor lived afta tha birth of Terah one hundred nineteen years, n' had other lil playas n' daughters.

[11:26] When Terah had lived seventy years, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass became tha daddy of Abram, Nahor, n' Haran.

[11:27] Now these is tha descendantz of Terah. Terah was tha daddy of Abram, Nahor, n' Haran; n' Haran was tha daddy of Lot.

[11:28] Haran took a dirt nap before his wild lil' daddy Terah up in tha land of his birth, up in Ur of tha Chaldeans.

[11:29] Abram n' Nahor took wives; tha name of Abramz hoe was Sarai, n' tha name of Nahorz hoe was Milcah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was tha daughta of Haran tha daddy of Milcah n' Iscah.

[11:30] Now Sarai was barren; dat freaky freaky biatch had no child.

[11:31] Terah took his fuckin lil hustla Abram n' his wild lil' freakadelic grandson Lot lil hustla of Haran, n' his fuckin lil' daughter-in-law Sarai, his fuckin lil hustla Abramz hoe, n' they went up together from Ur of tha Chaldeans ta go tha fuck into tha land of Canaan; but when they came ta Haran, they settled there.

[11:32] Da minutez of Terah was two hundred five years; n' Terah took a dirt nap up in Haran. Chapta 12 [12:1] Now tha LORD holla'd ta Abram, "Go from yo' ghetto n' yo' kindred n' yo' fatherz doggy den ta tha land dat I'ma show you, biatch.

[12:2] I'ma make of y'all a pimped out nation, n' I'ma bless you, n' make yo' name pimped out, so dat yo big-ass booty is ghon be a funky-ass blessing.

[12:3] I'ma bless dem playas whoz ass bless you, n' tha one whoz ass curses you I'ma curse; n' up in you all tha crewz of tha earth shall be pimped."

[12:4] So Abram went, as tha LORD had holla'd at him; n' Lot went wit his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. Abram was seventy-five muthafuckin years oldschool when da ruffneck departed from Haran.

[12:5] Abram took his hoe Sarai n' his brotherz lil hustla Lot, n' all tha possessions dat they had gathered, n' tha peeps whom they had acquired up in Haran; n' they set forth ta git all up in tha land of Canaan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. When they had come ta tha land of Canaan,

[12:6] Abram passed all up in tha land ta tha place at Shechem, ta tha oak of Mo'h fo' realz. At dat time tha Canaanites was up in tha land.

[12:7] Then tha LORD rocked up ta Abram, n' holla'd, "To yo' offsprin I'ma give dis land." So his thugged-out lil' punk-ass built there a altar ta tha LORD, whoz ass had rocked up ta his muthafuckin ass.

[12:8] From there he moved on ta tha hill ghetto on tha eastside of Bethel, n' pitched his cold-ass tent, wit Bethel on tha westside n' Ai on tha eastside; n' there his thugged-out lil' punk-ass built a altar ta tha LORD n' invoked tha name of tha LORD.

[12:9] And Abram journeyed on by stages toward tha Negeb.

[12:10] Now there was a gangbangin' famine up in tha land. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So Abram went down ta Egypt ta reside there as a alien, fo' tha famine was severe up in tha land.

[12:11] When da thug was bout ta enta Egypt, da perved-out muthafucka holla'd ta his hoe Sarai, "I know well dat yo ass be a biatch dope up in appearance;

[12:12] n' when tha Egyptians peep you, they will say, 'This is his hoe'; then they will bust a cap up in me yo, but they will let you live.

[12:13] Say yo ass is mah sister, so dat it may go well wit me cuz of you, n' dat mah game may be spared on yo' account."

[12:14] When Abram entered Egypt tha Egyptians saw dat tha biatch was straight-up dope.

[12:15] When tha officialz of Pharaoh saw her, they praised her ta Pharaoh fo' realz. And tha biatch was taken tha fuck into Pharaohz house.

[12:16] And fo' her sake da ruffneck dealt well wit Abram; n' dat schmoooove muthafucka had sheep, oxen, thug donkeys, thug n' biatch slaves, biatch donkeys, n' camels.

[12:17] But tha LORD afflicted Pharaoh n' his fuckin lil' doggy den wit pimped out plagues cuz of Sarai, Abramz hoe.

[12:18] So Pharaoh called Abram, n' holla'd, "What tha fuck iz dis you have done ta me son, biatch? Why did you not tell me dat dat biiiiatch was yo' hoe?

[12:19] Why did you say, 'Bitch is mah sister,' so dat I took her fo' mah hoe, biatch? Now then, here is yo' hoe, take her, n' be gone."

[12:20] And Pharaoh gave his crazy-ass pimps ordaz concernin him; n' they set his ass on tha way, wit his hoe n' all dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had. Chapta 13 [13:1] So Abram went up from Egypt, he n' his hoe, n' all dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had, n' Lot wit him, tha fuck into tha Negeb.

[13:2] Now Abram was straight-up rich up in livestock, up in silver, n' up in gold.

[13:3] Dude journeyed on by stages from tha Negeb as far as Bethel, ta tha place where his cold-ass tent had been all up in tha beginning, between Bethel n' Ai,

[13:4] ta tha place where dat schmoooove muthafucka had made a altar all up in tha first; n' there Abram called on tha name of tha LORD.

[13:5] Now Lot, whoz ass went wit Abram, also had flocks n' herdz n' tents,

[13:6] so dat tha land could not support both of dem livin together; fo' they possessions was so pimped out dat they could not live together,

[13:7] n' there was strife between tha herdaz of Abramz livestock n' tha herdaz of Lotz livestock fo' realz. At dat time tha Canaanites n' tha Perizzites lived up in tha land.

[13:8] Then Abram holla'd ta Lot, "Let there be no strife between you n' me, n' between yo' herdaz n' mah herders; fo' we is kindred.

[13:9] Is not tha whole land before yo slick ass, biatch? Separate yo ass from mah dirty ass. If you take tha left hand, then I'ma git all up in tha right; or if you take tha right hand, then I'ma git all up in tha left."

[13:10] Lot looked bout him, n' saw dat tha plain of tha Jordan was well watered everywhere like tha garden of tha LORD, like tha land of Egypt, up in tha direction of Zoar; dis was before tha LORD had fucked wit Sodom n' Gomorrah.

[13:11] So Lot chose fo' his dirty ass all tha plain of tha Jordan, n' Lot journeyed eastsideward; thus they separated from each other.

[13:12] Abram settled up in tha land of Canaan, while Lot settled among tha ghettoz of tha Plain n' moved his cold-ass tent as far as Sodom.

[13:13] Now tha playaz of Sodom was wicked, pimped out sinners against tha LORD.

[13:14] Da LORD holla'd ta Abram, afta Lot had separated from him, "Raise yo' eyes now, n' look from tha place where yo ass is, northward n' southward n' eastsideward n' westsideward;

[13:15] fo' all tha land dat you peep I'ma give ta you n' ta yo' offsprin alllll muthafuckin day.

[13:16] I'ma make yo' offsprin like tha dust of tha earth; so dat if one can count tha dust of tha earth, yo' offsprin also can be counted.

[13:17] Rise up, strutt all up in tha length n' tha breadth of tha land, fo' I'ma give it ta you, biatch."

[13:18] So Abram moved his cold-ass tent, n' came n' settled by tha oakz of Mamre, which is at Hebron; n' there his thugged-out lil' punk-ass built a altar ta tha LORD. Chapta 14 [14:1] In tha minutez of Mackdaddy Amraphel of Shinar, Mackdaddy Arioch of Ellasar, Mackdaddy Chedorlaomer of Elam, n' Mackdaddy Tidal of Goiim,

[14:2] these mackdaddys made war wit Mackdaddy Bera of Sodom, Mackdaddy Birsha of Gomorrah, Mackdaddy Shinab of Admah, Mackdaddy Shemeber of Zeboiim, n' tha mackdaddy of Bela (that is, Zoar).

[14:3] All these joined forces up in tha Valley of Siddim (that is, tha Dead Sea).

[14:4] Twelve muthafuckin years they had served Chedorlaomer yo, but up in tha thirteenth year they rebelled.

[14:5] In tha fourteenth year Chedorlaomer n' tha mackdaddys whoz ass was wit his ass came n' subdued tha Rephaim up in Ashteroth-karnaim, tha Zuzim up in Ham, tha Emim up in Shaveh-kiriathaim,

[14:6] n' tha Horites up in tha hill ghetto of Seir as far as El-paran on tha edge of tha wilderness;

[14:7] then they turned back n' came ta En-mishpat (that is, Kadesh), n' subdued all tha ghetto of tha Amalekites, n' also tha Amorites whoz ass lived up in Hazazon-tamar.

[14:8] Then tha mackdaddy of Sodom, tha mackdaddy of Gomorrah, tha mackdaddy of Admah, tha mackdaddy of Zeboiim, n' tha mackdaddy of Bela (that is, Zoar) went out, n' they joined battle up in tha Valley of Siddim

[14:9] wit Mackdaddy Chedorlaomer of Elam, Mackdaddy Tidal of Goiim, Mackdaddy Amraphel of Shinar, n' Mackdaddy Arioch of Ellasar, four mackdaddys against five.

[14:10] Now tha Valley of Siddim was full of bitumen pits; n' as tha mackdaddyz of Sodom n' Gomorrah fled, some fell tha fuck into them, n' tha rest fled ta tha hill ghetto.

[14:11] So tha enemy took all tha loot of Sodom n' Gomorrah, n' all they provisions, n' went they way;

[14:12] they also took Lot, tha lil hustla of Abramz brother, whoz ass lived up in Sodom, n' his wild lil' freakadelic goods, n' departed.

[14:13] Then one whoz ass had escaped came n' holla'd at Abram tha Hebrew, whoz ass was livin by tha oakz of Mamre tha Amorite, brutha of Eshcol n' of Aner; these was alliez of Abram.

[14:14] When Abram heard dat his nephew had been taken captive, dat schmoooove muthafucka hustled forth his cold-ass trained men, born up in his house, three hundred eighteen of them, n' went up in pursuit as far as Dan.

[14:15] Dude divided his wild lil' forces against dem by night, he n' his servants, n' routed dem n' pursued dem ta Hobah, uptown of Damascus.

[14:16] Then his thugged-out lil' punk-ass brought back all tha goods, n' also brought back his nephew Lot wit his wild lil' freakadelic goods, n' tha dem hoes n' tha people.

[14:17] Afta his bangin return from tha defeat of Chedorlaomer n' tha mackdaddys whoz ass was wit him, tha mackdaddy of Sodom went up ta hook up his ass all up in tha Valley of Shaveh (that is, tha Mackdaddyz Valley).

[14:18] And Mackdaddy Melchizedek of Salem brought up bread n' wine; da thug was priest of Dogg Most High.

[14:19] Dude pimped his ass n' holla'd, "Blessed be Abram by Dogg Most High, maker of heaven n' earth;

[14:20] n' pimped be Dogg Most High, whoz ass has served up yo' enemies tha fuck into yo' hand!" And Abram gave his ass one tenth of every last muthafuckin thang.

[14:21] Then tha mackdaddy of Sodom holla'd ta Abram, "Give me tha peeps yo, but take tha loot fo' yo ass."

[14:22] But Abram holla'd ta tha mackdaddy of Sodom, "I have sworn ta tha LORD, Dogg Most High, maker of heaven n' earth,

[14:23] dat I would not take a thread or a sandal-thong or anythang dat is yours, so dat you might not say, 'I have made Abram rich.'

[14:24] I'ma take not a god damn thang but what tha fuck tha lil' pimps have eaten, n' tha share of tha pimps whoz ass went with me - Aner, Eshcol, n' Mamre. Let dem take they share."

Chapta 15 [15:1] Afta these thangs tha word of tha LORD came ta Abram up in a vision, "Do not be afraid, Abram, I be yo' shield; yo' reward shall be straight-up pimped out."

[15:2] But Abram holla'd, "O Lord GOD, what tha fuck will you give me, fo' I continue childless, n' tha heir of mah doggy den is Eliezer of Damascus?"

[15:3] And Abram holla'd, "Yo ass have given me no offspring, n' so a slave born up in mah doggy den is ta be mah heir."

[15:4] But tha word of tha LORD came ta him, "This playa shall not be yo' heir; no one but yo' straight-up own issue shall be yo' heir."

[15:5] Dude brought his ass outside n' holla'd, "Look toward heaven n' count tha stars, if yo ass be able ta count dem wild-ass muthafuckas." Then da perved-out muthafucka holla'd ta him, "So shall yo' descendants be."

[15:6] And his thugged-out lil' punk-ass believed tha LORD; n' tha LORD reckoned it ta his ass as righteousness.

[15:7] Then da perved-out muthafucka holla'd ta him, "I be tha LORD whoz ass brought you from Ur of tha Chaldeans, ta hit you wit dis land ta possess."

[15:8] But da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "O Lord GOD, how tha fuck is I ta know dat I shall possess it?"

[15:9] Dude holla'd ta him, "Brin me a heifer three muthafuckin years old, a funky-ass biatch goat three muthafuckin years old, a ram three muthafuckin years old, a turtledove, n' a lil' pigeon."

[15:10] Dude brought his ass all these n' cut dem up in two, layin each half over against tha other; but da ruffneck did not cut tha birdz up in two.

[15:11] And when birdz of prey came down on tha carcasses, Abram drove dem away.

[15:12] As tha sun was goin down, a thugged-out deep chill fell tha fuck upon Abram, n' a thugged-out deep n' terrifyin darknizz descended upon his muthafuckin ass.

[15:13] Then tha LORD holla'd ta Abram, "Know dis fo' certain, dat yo' offsprin shall be aliens up in a land dat aint theirs, n' shall be slaves there, n' they shall be oppressed fo' four hundred years;

[15:14] but I'ma brang judgment on tha hood dat they serve, n' afterward they shall come up wit pimped out possessions.

[15:15] As fo' yo ass, you shall git all up in yo' ancestors up in peace; you shall be buried up in a phat oldschool age.

[15:16] And they shall come back here up in tha fourth generation; fo' tha iniquitizzle of tha Amorites aint yet complete."

[15:17] When tha sun had gone down n' dat shiznit was dark, a tokin fire pot n' a gangbangin' flamin torch passed between these pieces.

[15:18] On dat dizzle tha LORD done cooked up a cold-ass lil covenant wit Abram, saying, "To yo' descendants I give dis land, from tha river of Egypt ta tha pimped out river, tha river Euphrates,

[15:19] tha land of tha Kenites, tha Kenizzites, tha Kadmonites,

[15:20] tha Hittites, tha Perizzites, tha Rephaim,

[15:21] tha Amorites, tha Canaanites, tha Girgashites, n' tha Jebusites.". Chapta 16 [16:1] Now Sarai, Abramz hoe, bore his ass no lil' thugs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch had a Egyptian slave-girl whose name was Hagar,

[16:2] n' Sarai holla'd ta Abram, "Yo ass peep dat tha LORD has prevented mah crazy ass from bearin children; go up in ta mah slave-girl; it may be dat I shall obtain lil pimps by her muthafuckin ass." And Abram listened ta tha voice of Sarai.

[16:3] So, afta Abram had lived ten muthafuckin years up in tha land of Canaan, Sarai, Abramz hoe, took Hagar tha Egyptian, her slave-girl, n' gave her ta her homeboy Abram as a hoe.

[16:4] Dude went up in ta Hagar, n' dat thugged-out biiiatch conceived; n' when her big-ass booty saw dat dat freaky freaky biatch had conceived, she looked wit contempt on her mistress.

[16:5] Then Sarai holla'd ta Abram, "May tha wack done ta me be on you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? I gave mah slave-girl ta yo' embrace, n' when her big-ass booty saw dat dat freaky freaky biatch had conceived, she looked on me wit contempt. May tha LORD judge between you n' me!"

[16:6] But Abram holla'd ta Sarai, "Yo crazy-ass slave-girl is up in yo' power; do ta her as you please." Then Sarai dealt harshly wit her, n' she ran away from her muthafuckin ass.

[16:7] Da angel of tha LORD found her by a sprang of wata up in tha wilderness, tha sprang on tha way ta Shur.

[16:8] And da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Hagar, slave-girl of Sarai, where have you come from n' where is you going?" Biatch holla'd, "I be hustlin away from mah mistress Sarai."

[16:9] Da angel of tha LORD holla'd ta her, "Return ta yo' mistress, n' submit ta her muthafuckin ass."

[16:10] Da angel of tha LORD also holla'd ta her, "I'ma so pimped outly multiply yo' offsprin dat they cannot be counted fo' multitude."

[16:11] And tha angel of tha LORD holla'd ta her, "Now you have conceived n' shall bear a son; you shall call his ass Ishmael, fo' tha LORD has given heed ta yo' affliction.

[16:12] Dude shall be a wild ass of a thugged-out dude, wit his hand against everyone, n' everyonez hand against him; n' da perved-out muthafucka shall live at oddz wit all his kin."

[16:13] So she named tha LORD whoz ass was rappin ta her, "Yo ass is El-roi"; fo' her big-ass booty holla'd, "Have I straight-up peeped Dogg n' remained kickin it afta seein him?"

[16:14] Therefore tha well was called Beer-lahai-roi; it lies between Kadesh n' Bered.

[16:15] Hagar bore Abram a son; n' Abram named his son, whom Hagar bore, Ishmael.

[16:16] Abram was eighty-six muthafuckin years oldschool when Hagar bore his ass Ishmael.

Chapta 17 [17:1] When Abram was ninety-nine muthafuckin years old, tha LORD rocked up ta Abram, n' holla'd ta him, "I be Dogg Almighty; strutt before me, n' be blameless.

[17:2] And I'ma make mah covenant between me n' you, n' will make you exceedingly a shitload of."

[17:3] Then Abram fell tha fuck on his wild lil' face; n' Dogg holla'd ta him,

[17:4] "As fo' me, dis is mah covenant wit you: Yo ass shall be tha ancestor of a multitude of nations.

[17:5] No longer shall yo' name be Abram yo, but yo' name shall be Abraham; fo' I have made you tha ancestor of a multitude of nations.

[17:6] I'ma make you exceedingly fruitful; n' I'ma make nationz of you, n' mackdaddys shall come from you, biatch.

[17:7] I'ma establish mah covenant between me n' you, n' yo' offsprin afta you all up in they generations, fo' a everlastin covenant, ta be Dogg ta you n' ta yo' offsprin afta you, biatch.

[17:8] And I'ma give ta you, n' ta yo' offsprin afta you, tha land where yo ass is now a alien, all tha land of Canaan, fo' a perpetual holding; n' I'ma be they Dogg."

[17:9] Dogg holla'd ta Abraham, "As fo' you, you shall keep mah covenant, you n' yo' offsprin afta you all up in they generations.

[17:10] This is mah covenant, which you shall keep, between me n' you n' yo' offsprin afta you: Every thug among you shall be circumcised.

[17:11] Yo ass shall circumcise tha flesh of yo' foreskins, n' it shall be a sign of tha covenant between me n' you, biatch.

[17:12] Throughout yo' generations every last muthafuckin thug among you shall be circumcised when he is eight minutes old, includin tha slave born up in yo' doggy den n' tha one looted wit yo' scrilla from any foreigner whoz ass aint of yo' offspring.

[17:13] Both tha slave born up in yo' doggy den n' tha one looted wit yo' scrilla must be circumcised. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So shall mah covenant be up in yo' flesh a everlastin covenant.

[17:14] Any uncircumcised thug whoz ass aint circumcised up in tha flesh of his wild lil' foreskin shall be cut off from his thugged-out lil' people; dat schmoooove muthafucka has fucked up mah covenant."

[17:15] Dogg holla'd ta Abraham, "As fo' Sarah yo' hoe, you shall not call her Sarai yo, but Sarah shall be her name.

[17:16] I'ma bless her, n' moreover I'ma hit you wit a lil hustla by her n' shit. I'ma bless her, n' her big-ass booty shall give rise ta nations; mackdaddyz of peoplez shall come from her muthafuckin ass."

[17:17] Then Abraham fell tha fuck on his wild lil' grill n' laughed, n' holla'd ta his dirty ass, "Can a cold-ass lil lil pimp be born ta a playa whoz ass be a hundred muthafuckin years old, biatch? Can Sarah, whoz ass is ninety muthafuckin years old, bear a cold-ass lil child?"

[17:18] And Abraham holla'd ta God, "O dat Ishmael might live up in yo' sight!"

[17:19] Dogg holla'd, "Fuck dat shiznit yo, but yo' hoe Sarah shall bear you a son, n' you shall name his ass Isaac. I'ma establish mah covenant wit his ass as a everlastin covenant fo' his offsprin afta his muthafuckin ass.

[17:20] As fo' Ishmael, I have heard you; I'ma bless his ass n' make his ass fruitful n' exceedingly a shitload of; da perved-out muthafucka shall be tha daddy of twelve princes, n' I'ma make his ass a pimped out nation.

[17:21] But mah covenant I'ma establish wit Isaac, whom Sarah shall bear ta you at dis season next year."

[17:22] And when dat schmoooove muthafucka had finished poppin' off wit him, Dogg went up from Abraham.

[17:23] Then Abraham took his fuckin lil hustla Ishmael n' all tha slaves born up in his fuckin lil' doggy den or looted wit his crazy-ass scrilla, every last muthafuckin thug among tha pimpz of Abrahamz house, n' his schmoooove ass circumcised tha flesh of they foreskins dat straight-up day, as Dogg had holla'd ta his muthafuckin ass.

[17:24] Abraham was ninety-nine muthafuckin years oldschool when da thug was circumcised up in tha flesh of his wild lil' foreskin.

[17:25] And his fuckin lil hustla Ishmael was thirteen muthafuckin years oldschool when da thug was circumcised up in tha flesh of his wild lil' foreskin.

[17:26] That straight-up dizzle Abraham n' his fuckin lil hustla Ishmael was circumcised;

[17:27] n' all tha pimpz of his house, slaves born up in tha doggy den n' dem looted wit scrilla from a gangbangin' foreigner, was circumcised wit his muthafuckin ass.

Chapta 18 [18:1] Da LORD rocked up ta Abraham by tha oakz of Mamre, as da perved-out muthafucka sat all up in tha entrizzle of his cold-ass tent up in tha heat of tha day.

[18:2] Dude looked up n' saw three pimps standin near his muthafuckin ass. When da perved-out muthafucka saw them, he ran from tha tent entrizzle ta hook up them, n' bowed down ta tha ground.

[18:3] Dude holla'd, "My fuckin lord, if I find favor wit you, do not pass by yo' servant.

[18:4] Let a lil wata be brought, n' wash yo' feet, n' rest yourselves under tha tree.

[18:5] Let me brang a lil bread, dat you may refresh yourselves, n' afta dat you may pass on - since you have come ta yo' servant." So they holla'd, "Do as you have holla'd."

[18:6] And Abraham hastened tha fuck into tha tent ta Sarah, n' holla'd, "Make locked n loaded quickly three measurez of chizzle flour, knead it, n' make cakes. "

[18:7] Abraham ran ta tha herd, n' took a cold-ass lil calf, tender n' good, n' gave it ta tha servant, whoz ass hastened ta prepare dat shit.

[18:8] Then tha pimpin' muthafucka took curdz n' gin n juice n' tha calf dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had prepared, n' set it before them; n' da perved-out muthafucka stood by dem under tha tree while they ate.

[18:9] They holla'd ta him, "Where is yo' hoe Sarah?" And da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "There, up in tha tent."

[18:10] Then one holla'd, "I'ma surely return ta you up in due season, n' yo' hoe Sarah shall gotz a son." And Sarah was listenin all up in tha tent entrizzle behind his muthafuckin ass.

[18:11] Now Abraham n' Sarah was old, advanced up in age; it had ceased ta be wit Sarah afta tha manner of dem hoes.

[18:12] So Sarah laughed ta her muthafuckin ass, saying, "Afta I have grown old, n' mah homeboy is old, shall I have pleasure?"

[18:13] Da LORD holla'd ta Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, n' say, 'Shall I indeed bear a cold-ass lil child, now dat I be old?'

[18:14] Is anythang too straight-up dope fo' tha LORD, biatch? At tha set time I'ma return ta you, up in due season, n' Sarah shall gotz a son."

[18:15] But Sarah denied, saying, "I did not laugh"; fo' dat biiiiatch was afraid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude holla'd, "Oh fo'sho, you did laugh."

[18:16] Then tha pimps set up from there, n' they looked toward Sodom; n' Abraham went wit dem ta set dem on they way.

[18:17] Da LORD holla'd, "Shall I hide from Abraham what tha fuck I be bout ta do,

[18:18] seein dat Abraham shall become a pimped out n' mighty nation, n' all tha nationz of tha earth shall be pimped up in him?

[18:19] Fuck dat shit, fo' I have chosen him, dat he may charge his fuckin lil pimps n' his household afta his ass ta keep tha way of tha LORD by bustin righteousnizz n' justice; so dat tha LORD may brang bout fo' Abraham what tha fuck dat schmoooove muthafucka has promised his muthafuckin ass."

[18:20] Then tha LORD holla'd, "How tha fuck pimped out is tha outcry against Sodom n' Gomorrah n' how tha fuck straight-up grave they sin!

[18:21] I must go down n' peep whether they have done altogether accordin ta tha outcry dat has come ta me; n' if not, I'ma know."

[18:22] So tha pimps turned from there, n' went toward Sodom, while Abraham remained standin before tha LORD.

[18:23] Then Abraham came near n' holla'd, "Will you indeed sweep away tha righteous wit tha wicked?

[18:24] Suppose there be fifty righteous within tha hood; will you then sweep away tha place n' not forgive it fo' tha fifty righteous whoz ass is up in it?

[18:25] Far be it from you ta do such a thang, ta slay tha righteous wit tha wicked, so dat tha righteous fare as tha wicked hommie! Far be dat from you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? Shall not tha Judge of all tha earth do what tha fuck is just?"

[18:26] And tha LORD holla'd, "If I find at Sodom fifty righteous up in tha hood, I'ma forgive tha whole place fo' they sake."

[18:27] Abraham answered, "Let me take it upon mah dirty ass ta drop a rhyme ta tha Lord, I whoz ass be but dust n' ashes.

[18:28] Suppose five of tha fifty righteous is lacking, biatch? Will you fuck wit tha whole hood fo' lack of five?" And da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "I'ma not fuck wit it if I find forty-five there."

[18:29] Again da perved-out muthafucka was rappin ta him, "Suppose forty is found there." Dude answered, "For tha sake of forty I'ma not do dat shit."

[18:30] Then da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Oh do not let tha Lord be mad salty if I speak. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suppose thirty is found there." Dude answered, "I'ma not do it, if I find thirty there."

[18:31] Dude holla'd, "Let me take it upon mah dirty ass ta drop a rhyme ta tha Lord. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Suppose twenty is found there." Dude answered, "For tha sake of twenty I'ma not fuck wit dat shit."

[18:32] Then da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Oh do not let tha Lord be mad salty if I drop a rhyme just once mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suppose ten is found there." Dude answered, "For tha sake of ten I'ma not fuck wit dat shit."

[18:33] And tha LORD went his way, when dat schmoooove muthafucka had finished bustin lyrics ta Abraham; n' Abraham moonwalked back ta his thugged-out lil' place. Chapta 19 [19:1] Da two angels came ta Sodom up in tha evening, n' Lot was chillin up in tha gateway of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose ta hook up them, n' bowed down wit his wild lil' grill ta tha ground.

[19:2] Dude holla'd, "Please, mah lords, turn aside ta yo' servantz doggy den n' spend tha night, n' wash yo' feet; then you can rise early n' go on yo' way." They holla'd, "No; we will spend tha night up in tha square. "

[19:3] But he urged dem strongly; so they turned aside ta his ass n' entered his house; n' he made dem a gangbangin' feast, n' baked unleavened bread, n' they ate.

[19:4] But before they lay down, tha pimpz of tha hood, tha pimpz of Sodom, both lil' n' old, all tha playas ta tha last dude, surrounded tha house;

[19:5] n' they called ta Lot, "Where is tha pimps whoz ass came ta you tonight, biatch? Brin dem up ta us, so dat we may know dem wild-ass muthafuckas."

[19:6] Lot went outta tha door ta tha men, shut tha door afta him,

[19:7] n' holla'd, "I beg you, mah brothers, do not act so wickedly.

[19:8] Look, I have two daughtas whoz ass aint known a man; let me brang dem up ta you, n' do ta dem as you please; only do not a god damn thang ta these men, fo' they have come under tha shelta of mah roof."

[19:9] But they replied, "Stand back!" And they holla'd, "This fellow came here as a alien, n' da thug would play tha judge biaaatch! Now we will deal worse wit you than wit dem wild-ass muthafuckas." Then they pressed hard against tha playa Lot, n' came near tha door ta break it down.

[19:10] But tha pimps inside reached up they handz n' brought Lot tha fuck into tha doggy den wit them, n' shut tha door.

[19:11] And they struck wit blindnizz tha pimps whoz ass was all up in tha door of tha house, both lil' small-ass n' pimped out, so dat they was unable ta find tha door.

[19:12] Then tha pimps holla'd ta Lot, "Has you done any suckas here, biatch? Sons-in- law, sons, daughters, or mah playas you have up in the citizzle - brang dem outta tha place.

[19:13] For we is bout ta fuck wit dis place, cuz tha outcry against its playas has become pimped out before tha LORD, n' tha LORD has busted our asses ta fuck wit dat shit."

[19:14] So Lot went up n' holla'd ta his sons-in-law, whoz ass was ta fuck his fuckin lil' daughters, "Up, git outta dis place; fo' tha LORD be bout ta fuck wit tha hood." But da perved-out muthafucka seemed ta his sons-in-law ta be jesting.

[19:15] When mornin dawned, tha angels urged Lot, saying, "Git up, take yo' hoe n' yo' two daughtas whoz ass is here, or else yo big-ass booty is ghon be consumed up in tha punishment of tha hood."

[19:16] But he lingered; so tha pimps seized his ass n' his hoe n' his cold-ass two daughtas by tha hand, tha LORD bein merciful ta him, n' they brought his ass up n' left his ass outside tha hood.

[19:17] When they had brought dem outside, they holla'd, "Flee fo' yo' game; do not look back or stop anywhere up in tha Plain; flee ta tha hills, or else yo big-ass booty is ghon be consumed."

[19:18] And Lot holla'd ta them, "Oh, no, mah lords;

[19:19] yo' servant has found favor wit you, n' you have shown me pimped out kindnizz up in savin mah game; but I cannot flee ta tha hills, fo' fear tha disasta will overtake me n' I take a thugged-out dirt nap.

[19:20] Look, dat hood is near enough ta flee to, n' it aint nuthin but a lil one. Let me escape there - is it not a lil one?- n' mah game is ghon be saved!"

[19:21] Dude holla'd ta him, "Straight-up well, I grant you dis favor too, n' aint gonna overthrow tha hood of which you have spoken.

[19:22] Hurry, escape there, fo' I can do not a god damn thang until you arrive there." Therefore tha hood was called Zoar.

[19:23] Da sun had risen on tha earth when Lot came ta Zoar.

[19:24] Then tha LORD drizzled on Sodom n' Gomorrah sulfur n' fire from tha LORD outta heaven;

[19:25] n' he overthrew dem ghettos, n' all tha Plain, n' all tha inhabitantz of tha ghettos, n' what tha fuck grew on tha ground.

[19:26] But Lotz hoe, behind him, looked back, n' da hoe became a pillar of salt.

[19:27] Abraham went early up in tha mornin ta tha place where dat schmoooove muthafucka had stood before tha LORD;

[19:28] n' he looked down toward Sodom n' Gomorrah n' toward all tha land of tha Plain n' saw tha smoke of tha land goin up like tha smoke of a gangbangin' furnace.

[19:29] So dat shiznit was that, when Dogg fucked wit tha ghettoz of tha Plain, Dogg remembered Abraham, n' busted Lot outta tha midst of tha overthrow, when he overthrew tha ghettos up in which Lot had settled.

[19:30] Now Lot went up outta Zoar n' settled up in tha hills wit his cold-ass two daughters, fo' da thug was afraid ta stay up in Zoar; so he lived up in a cold-ass lil cave wit his cold-ass two daughters.

[19:31] And tha firstborn holla'd ta tha younger, "Our daddy is old, n' there aint a playa on earth ta come up in ta our asses afta tha manner of all tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.

[19:32] Come, let our asses make our daddy drank wine, n' we will lie wit him, so dat we may preserve offsprin all up in our father."

[19:33] So they made they daddy drank Cristal dat night; n' tha firstborn went in, n' lay wit her father; da ruffneck did not know when she lay down or when she rose.

[19:34] On tha next day, tha firstborn holla'd ta tha younger, "Look, I lay last night wit mah father; let our asses make his ass drank Cristal tonight also; then you go up in n' lie wit him, so dat we may preserve offsprin all up in our father."

[19:35] So they made they daddy drank Cristal dat night also; n' tha younger rose, n' lay wit him; n' da ruffneck did not know when she lay down or when she rose.

[19:36] Thus both tha daughtaz of Lot became pregnant by they father.

[19:37] Da firstborn bore a son, n' named his ass Moab; he is tha ancestor of tha Moabites ta dis day.

[19:38] Da younger also bore a lil hustla n' named his ass Ben-ammi; he is tha ancestor of tha Ammonites ta dis day. Chapta 20 [20:1] From there Abraham journeyed toward tha region of tha Negeb, n' settled between Kadesh n' Shur. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. While residin up in Gerar as a alien,

[20:2] Abraham holla'd of his hoe Sarah, "Bitch is mah sister." And Mackdaddy Abimelech of Gerar busted n' took Sarah.

[20:3] But Dogg came ta Abimelech up in a thugged-out trip by night, n' holla'd ta him, "Yo ass be bout ta take a thugged-out dirtnap cuz of tha biatch whom you have taken; fo' she be a hooked up biatch."

[20:4] Now Abimelech had not approached her; so da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Lord, will you fuck wit a innocent people?

[20:5] Did he not his dirty ass say ta me, 'Bitch is mah sister', biatch? And dat freaky freaky biatch her muthafuckin ass holla'd, 'Dude is mah brother.' I did dis up in tha integritizzle of mah ass n' tha innocence of mah hands."

[20:6] Then Dogg holla'd ta his ass up in tha dream, "Yes, I know dat you did dis up in tha integritizzle of yo' heart; furthermore dat shiznit was I whoz ass kept you from sinnin against mah dirty ass. Therefore I did not let you bust a nut on her muthafuckin ass.

[20:7] Now then, return tha manz hoe; fo' he be a prophet, n' da thug will pray fo' you n' you shall live. But if you do not restore her, know dat you shall surely die, you n' all dat is yours."

[20:8] So Abimelech rose early up in tha morning, n' called all his servants n' holla'd at dem all these thangs; n' tha pimps was straight-up much afraid.

[20:9] Then Abimelech called Abraham, n' holla'd ta him, "What have you done ta us, biatch? How tha fuck have I sinned against you, dat you have brought such pimped out guilt on me n' mah mackdaddydom, biatch? Yo ass have done thangs ta me dat ought not ta be done."

[20:10] And Abimelech holla'd ta Abraham, "What was you thankin of, dat you did dis thang?"

[20:11] Abraham holla'd, "I done did it cuz I thought, There is no fear of Dogg at all up in dis place, n' they will bust a cap up in me cuz of mah hoe.

[20:12] Besides, her ass is indeed mah sister, tha daughta of mah daddy but not tha daughta of mah mother; n' da hoe became mah hoe.

[20:13] And when Dogg caused mah crazy ass ta wander from mah fatherz house, I holla'd ta her, 'This is tha kindnizz you must do me: at every last muthafuckin place ta which we come, say of me, Dude is mah brother.'"

[20:14] Then Abimelech took sheep n' oxen, n' thug n' biatch slaves, n' gave dem ta Abraham, n' restored his hoe Sarah ta his muthafuckin ass.

[20:15] Abimelech holla'd, "My fuckin land is before you; settle where it pleases you, biatch."

[20:16] To Sarah da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Look, I have given yo' brutha a thousand piecez of silver; it is yo' exoneration before all whoz ass is wit you; yo ass is straight-up vindicated."

[20:17] Then Abraham prayed ta God; n' Dogg healed Abimelech, n' also healed his hoe n' biatch slaves so dat they bore lil' thugs.

[20:18] For tha LORD had closed fast all tha wombz of tha doggy den of Abimelech cuz of Sarah, Abrahamz hoe.

Chapta 21 [21:1] Da LORD dealt wit Sarah as dat schmoooove muthafucka had holla'd, n' tha LORD did fo' Sarah as dat schmoooove muthafucka had promised.

[21:2] Sarah conceived n' bore Abraham a lil hustla up in his oldschool age, all up in tha time of which Dogg had spoken ta his muthafuckin ass.

[21:3] Abraham gave tha name Isaac ta his fuckin lil hustla whom Sarah bore his muthafuckin ass.

[21:4] And Abraham circumcised his fuckin lil hustla Isaac when da thug was eight minutes old, as Dogg had commanded his muthafuckin ass.

[21:5] Abraham was a hundred muthafuckin years oldschool when his fuckin lil hustla Isaac started doin thangs ta his muthafuckin ass.

[21:6] Now Sarah holla'd, "Dogg has brought laughta fo' me; all dem fools dat hears will laugh wit mah dirty ass."

[21:7] And her big-ass booty holla'd, "Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck would eva have holla'd ta Abraham dat Sarah would nurse children, biatch? Yet I have borne his ass a lil hustla up in his oldschool age."

[21:8] Da lil pimp grew, n' was weaned; n' Abraham done cooked up a pimped out feast on tha dizzle dat Isaac was weaned.

[21:9] But Sarah saw tha lil hustla of Hagar tha Egyptian, whom dat freaky freaky biatch had borne ta Abraham, playin wit her lil hustla Isaac.

[21:10] So her big-ass booty holla'd ta Abraham, "Cast up dis slave biatch wit her son; fo' tha lil hustla of dis slave biatch shall not inherit along wit mah lil hustla Isaac."

[21:11] Da matta was straight-up distressin ta Abraham on account of his son.

[21:12] But Dogg holla'd ta Abraham, "Do not be distressed cuz of tha pimp n' cuz of yo' slave biatch; whatever Sarah say ta you, do as dat dunkadelic hoe drops some lyrics ta you, fo' it be all up in Isaac dat offsprin shall be named fo' you, biatch.

[21:13] As fo' tha lil hustla of tha slave biatch, I'ma cook up a hood of his ass also, cuz he is yo' offspring."

[21:14] So Abraham rose early up in tha morning, n' took bread n' a skin of water, n' gave it ta Hagar, puttin it on her shoulder, along wit tha child, n' busted her away fo' realz. And her dope ass departed, n' wandered bout up in tha wildernizz of Beer-sheba.

[21:15] When tha wata up in tha skin was gone, dat thugged-out biiiatch cast tha lil pimp under one of tha bushes.

[21:16] Then dat biiiiatch went n' sat down opposite his ass a phat way off, bout tha distizzle of a funky-ass bowshot; fo' her big-ass booty holla'd, "Do not let me look on tha dirtnap of tha child." And as her big-ass booty sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice n' wept.

[21:17] And Dogg heard tha voice of tha boy; n' tha angel of Dogg called ta Hagar from heaven, n' holla'd ta her, "What shits you, Hagar, biatch? Do not be afraid; fo' Dogg has heard tha voice of tha pimp where he is.

[21:18] Come, lift up tha pimp n' hold his ass fast wit yo' hand, fo' I'ma cook up a pimped out hood of his muthafuckin ass."

[21:19] Then Dogg opened her eyes n' her big-ass booty saw a well of gin n juice n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch went, n' filled tha skin wit water, n' gave tha pimp a thugged-out drink.

[21:20] Dogg was wit tha boy, n' he grew up; he lived up in tha wilderness, n' became a expert wit tha bow.

[21:21] Dude lived up in tha wildernizz of Paran; n' his crazy-ass mutha gots a hoe fo' his ass from tha land of Egypt.

[21:22] At dat time Abimelech, wit Phicol tha commander of his thugged-out army, holla'd ta Abraham, "Dogg is wit you up in all dat you do;

[21:23] now therefore swear ta me here by Dogg dat yo big-ass booty is ghon not deal falsely wit me or wit mah offsprin or wit mah posteritizzle yo, but as I have dealt loyally wit you, yo big-ass booty is ghon deal wit me n' wit tha land where you have resided as a alien."

[21:24] And Abraham holla'd, "I swear dat shit."

[21:25] When Abraham complained ta Abimelech on some well of wata dat Abimelechz servants had seized,

[21:26] Abimelech holla'd, "I do not know whoz ass has done this; you did not tell me, n' I aint heard of it until todizzle."

[21:27] So Abraham took sheep n' oxen n' gave dem ta Abimelech, n' tha two pimps done cooked up a cold-ass lil covenant.

[21:28] Abraham set apart seven ewe lambz of tha flock.

[21:29] And Abimelech holla'd ta Abraham, "What tha fuck iz tha meanin of these seven ewe lambs dat you have set apart?"

[21:30] Dude holla'd, "These seven ewe lambs you shall accept from mah hand, up in order dat you may be a witnizz fo' me dat I dug dis well."

[21:31] Therefore dat place was called Beer-sheba; cuz there both of dem swore a oath.

[21:32] When they had done cooked up a cold-ass lil covenant at Beer-sheba, Abimelech, wit Phicol tha commander of his thugged-out army, left n' moonwalked back ta tha land of tha Philistines.

[21:33] Abraham planted a tamarisk tree up in Beer-sheba, n' called there on tha name of tha LORD, tha Everlastin Dogg.

[21:34] And Abraham resided as a alien nuff minutes up in tha land of tha Philistines.

Chapta 22 [22:1] Afta these thangs Dogg tested Abraham yo. Dude holla'd ta him, "Abraham!" And da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Here I am."

[22:2] Dude holla'd, "Take yo' son, yo' only lil hustla Isaac, whom you love, n' git all up in tha land of Moriah, n' offer his ass there as a funky-ass burnt offerin on one of tha mountains dat I shall show you, biatch."

[22:3] So Abraham rose early up in tha morning, saddled his fuckin lil' donkey, n' took two of his fuckin lil' pimps wit him, n' his fuckin lil hustla Isaac; his schmoooove ass cut tha wood fo' tha burnt offering, n' set up n' went ta tha place up in tha distizzle dat Dogg had shown his muthafuckin ass.

[22:4] On tha third dizzle Abraham looked up n' saw tha place far away.

[22:5] Then Abraham holla'd ta his fuckin lil' men, "Stay here wit tha donkey; tha pimp n' I'ma go over there; we will worship, n' then we will come back ta you, biatch."

[22:6] Abraham took tha wood of tha burnt offerin n' laid it on his fuckin lil hustla Isaac, n' dat schmoooove muthafucka his dirty ass carried tha fire n' tha knife. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So tha two of dem strutted on together.

[22:7] Isaac holla'd ta his wild lil' daddy Abraham, "Father!" And da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Here I am, mah son." Dude holla'd, "Da fire n' tha wood is here yo, but where is tha lamb fo' a funky-ass burnt offering?"

[22:8] Abraham holla'd, "Dogg his dirty ass will provide tha lamb fo' a funky-ass burnt offering, mah son." So tha two of dem strutted on together.

[22:9] When they came ta tha place dat Dogg had shown him, Abraham built a altar there n' laid tha wood up in order n' shiznit yo. Dude bound his fuckin lil hustla Isaac, n' laid his ass on tha altar, on top of tha wood.

[22:10] Then Abraham reached up his hand n' took tha knife ta bust a cap up in his son.

[22:11] But tha angel of tha LORD called ta his ass from heaven, n' holla'd, "Abraham, Abraham!" And da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Here I am."

[22:12] Dude holla'd, "Do not lay yo' hand on tha pimp or do anythang ta him; fo' now I know dat you fear God, since you aint withheld yo' son, yo' only son, from mah dirty ass."

[22:13] And Abraham looked up n' saw a ram, caught up in a thicket by its horns fo' realz. Abraham went n' took tha ram n' offered it up as a funky-ass burnt offerin instead of his son.

[22:14] So Abraham called dat place "Da LORD will provide"; as it is holla'd ta dis day, "On tha mount of tha LORD it shall be provided."

[22:15] Da angel of tha LORD called ta Abraham a second time from heaven,

[22:16] n' holla'd, "By mah dirty ass I have sworn, say tha LORD: Because you have done this, n' aint withheld yo' son, yo' only son,

[22:17] I'ma indeed bless you, n' I'ma make yo' offsprin as a shitload of as tha starz of heaven n' as tha sand dat is on tha seashore fo' realz. And yo' offsprin shall possess tha gate of they enemies,

[22:18] n' by yo' offsprin shall all tha nationz of tha earth bust blessin fo' theyselves, cuz you have obeyed mah voice."

[22:19] So Abraham moonwalked back ta his fuckin lil' men, n' they arose n' went together ta Beer-sheba; n' Abraham lived at Beer-sheba.

[22:20] Now afta these thangs dat shiznit was holla'd at Abraham, "Milcah also has borne children, ta yo' brutha Nahor:

[22:21] Uz tha firstborn, Buz his brother, Kemuel tha daddy of Aram,

[22:22] Chesed, Hazo, Pildash, Jidlaph, n' Bethuel."

[22:23] Bethuel became tha daddy of Rebekah. These eight Milcah bore ta Nahor, Abrahamz brother.

[22:24] Mo'over, his concubine, whose name was Reumah, bore Tebah, Gaham, Tahash, n' Maacah. Chapta 23 [23:1] Sarah lived one hundred twenty-seven years; dis was tha length of Sarahz game.

[23:2] And Sarah took a dirt nap at Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) up in tha land of Canaan; n' Abraham went up in ta mourn fo' Sarah n' ta weep fo' her muthafuckin ass.

[23:3] Abraham rose up from beside his fuckin lil' dead, n' holla'd ta tha Hittites,

[23:4] "I be a stranger n' a alien residin among you; give me property among you fo' a funky-ass buryin place, so dat I may bury mah dead outta mah sight."

[23:5] Da Hittites answered Abraham,

[23:6] "Hear us, mah lord; yo ass be a mighty pimp among us. Bury yo' dead up in tha chizzlest of our burial places; none of our asses will withhold from you any burial ground fo' buryin yo' dead as fuckin fried chicken."

[23:7] Abraham rose n' bowed ta tha Hittites, tha playaz of tha land.

[23:8] Dude holla'd ta them, "If yo ass is willin dat I should bury mah dead outta mah sight, hear me, n' entreat fo' me Ephron lil hustla of Zohar,

[23:9] so dat he may break off tha cave of Machpelah, which he owns; it be all up in tha end of his wild lil' field. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! For tha full price let his ass give it ta me up in yo' presence as a possession fo' a funky-ass buryin place."

[23:10] Now Ephron was chillin among tha Hittites; n' Ephron tha Hittite answered Abraham up in tha hearin of tha Hittites, of all whoz ass went up in all up in tha gate of his hood,

[23:11] "Fuck dat shit, mah lord, hear me; I hit you wit tha field, n' I hit you wit tha cave dat is up in it; up in tha presence of mah playas I give it ta you; bury yo' dead as fuckin fried chicken."

[23:12] Then Abraham bowed down before tha playaz of tha land.

[23:13] Dude holla'd ta Ephron up in tha hearin of tha playaz of tha land, "If you only will dig me biaaatch! I'ma give tha price of tha field; accept it from me, so dat I may bury mah dead there."

[23:14] Ephron answered Abraham,

[23:15] "My fuckin lord, dig me; a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver - what tha fuck is dat between you n' mah crazy ass son, biatch? Bury yo' dead as fuckin fried chicken."

[23:16] Abraham agreed wit Ephron; n' Abraham weighed up fo' Ephron tha silver dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had named up in tha hearin of tha Hittites, four hundred shekelz of silver, accordin ta tha weights current among tha merchants.

[23:17] So tha field of Ephron up in Machpelah, which was ta tha eastside of Mamre, tha field wit tha cave dat was up in it n' all tha trees dat was up in tha field, all up in its whole area, passed

[23:18] ta Abraham as a possession up in tha presence of tha Hittites, up in tha presence of all whoz ass went up in all up in tha gate of his hood.

[23:19] Afta this, Abraham buried Sarah his hoe up in tha cave of tha field of Machpelah facin Mamre (that is, Hebron) up in tha land of Canaan.

[23:20] Da field n' tha cave dat is up in it passed from tha Hittites tha fuck into Abrahamz possession as a funky-ass buryin place.

Chapta 24 [24:1] Now Abraham was old, well advanced up in years; n' tha LORD had pimped Abraham up in all thangs.

[24:2] Abraham holla'd ta his servant, tha crazy oldschool of his house, whoz ass had charge of all dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had, "Put yo' hand under mah thigh

[24:3] n' I'ma make you swear by tha LORD, tha Dogg of heaven n' earth, dat yo big-ass booty is ghon not git a hoe fo' mah lil hustla from tha daughtaz of tha Canaanites, among whom I live,

[24:4] but will git all up in mah ghetto n' ta mah kindred n' git a hoe fo' mah lil hustla Isaac."

[24:5] Da servant holla'd ta him, "Perhaps tha biatch may not be willin ta gangbang me ta dis land; must I then take yo' lil hustla back ta tha land from which you came?"

[24:6] Abraham holla'd ta him, "See ta it dat you do not take mah lil hustla back there.

[24:7] Da LORD, tha Dogg of heaven, whoz ass took me from mah fatherz doggy den n' from tha land of mah birth, n' whoz ass was rappin ta me n' swore ta me, 'To yo' offsprin I'ma give dis land,' da thug will bust his thugged-out angel before you, n' you shall take a hoe fo' mah lil hustla from there.

[24:8] But if tha biatch aint willin ta follow you, then yo big-ass booty is ghon be free from dis oath of mine; only you must not take mah lil hustla back there."

[24:9] So tha servant put his hand under tha thigh of Abraham his crazy-ass masta n' swore ta his ass concernin dis matter.

[24:10] Then tha servant took ten of his crazy-ass masterz camels n' departed, takin all kindz of chizzle gifts from his crazy-ass master; n' da perved-out muthafucka set up n' went ta Aram-naharaim, ta tha hood of Nahor.

[24:11] Dude made tha camels kneel down outside tha hood by tha well of water; dat shiznit was toward evening, tha time when dem hoes go up ta draw water.

[24:12] And da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "O LORD, Dogg of mah masta Abraham, please grant me success todizzle n' show steadfast ludd ta mah masta Abraham.

[24:13] I be standin here by tha sprang of water, n' tha daughtaz of tha townspeople is comin up ta draw water.

[24:14] Let tha hoe ta whom I shall say, 'Please offer yo' jar dat I may drink,' n' whoz ass shall say, 'Drink, n' I'ma wata your camels' - let her be tha one whom you have appointed fo' yo' servant Isaac. By dis I shall know dat you have shown steadfast ludd ta mah master."

[24:15] Before dat schmoooove muthafucka had finished bustin lyrics, there was Rebekah, whoz ass started doin thangs ta Bethuel lil hustla of Milcah, tha hoe of Nahor, Abrahamz brother, comin up wit her wata jar on her shoulder.

[24:16] Da hoe was straight-up fair ta look upon, a virgin, whom no playa had known. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch went down ta tha spring, filled her jar, n' came up.

[24:17] Then tha servant ran ta hook up her n' holla'd, "Please let me sip a lil wata from yo' jar."

[24:18] "Drink, mah lord," her big-ass booty holla'd, n' quickly lowered her jar upon her hand n' gave his ass a thugged-out drink.

[24:19] When dat freaky freaky biatch had finished givin his ass a thugged-out drink, her big-ass booty holla'd, "I'ma draw fo' yo' camels also, until they have finished drinking."

[24:20] So she quickly emptied her jar tha fuck into tha trough n' ran again n' again n' again ta tha well ta draw, n' her dope ass drew fo' all his camels.

[24:21] Da playa gazed at her up in silence ta learn whether or not tha LORD had made his cold-ass trip successful.

[24:22] When tha camels had finished drinking, tha playa took a gold nose- rang weighin a half shekel, n' two bracelets fo' her arms weighin ten gold shekels,

[24:23] n' holla'd, "Tell me whose daughta yo ass is. Is there room up in yo' fatherz doggy den fo' our asses ta spend tha night?"

[24:24] Biatch holla'd ta him, "I be tha daughta of Bethuel lil hustla of Milcah, whom da hoe bore ta Nahor."

[24:25] Biatch added, "Our thugged-out asses have nuff straw n' fodder n' a place ta spend tha night."

[24:26] Da playa bowed his head n' worshiped tha LORD

[24:27] n' holla'd, "Blessed be tha LORD, tha Dogg of mah masta Abraham, whoz ass has not forsaken his steadfast ludd n' his wild lil' faithfulnizz toward mah masta n' shiznit fo' realz. As fo' me, tha LORD has hustled mah crazy ass on tha way ta tha doggy den of mah masterz kin."

[24:28] Then tha hoe ran n' holla'd at her motherz household bout these thangs.

[24:29] Rebekah had a funky-ass brutha whose name was Laban; n' Laban ran up ta tha dude, ta tha spring.

[24:30] As soon as dat schmoooove muthafucka had peeped tha nose-ring, n' tha bracelets on his sisterz arms, n' when dat schmoooove muthafucka heard tha lyrics of his sista Rebekah, "Thus tha playa was rappin ta me," da thug went ta tha man; n' there da thug was, standin by tha camels all up in tha spring.

[24:31] Dude holla'd, "Come in, O pimped of tha LORD. Why do you stand outside when I have prepared tha doggy den n' a place fo' tha camels?"

[24:32] So tha playa came tha fuck into tha house; n' Laban unloaded tha camels, n' gave his ass straw n' fodder fo' tha camels, n' wata ta wash his wild lil' feet n' tha feet of tha pimps whoz ass was wit his muthafuckin ass.

[24:33] Then chicken was set before his ass ta eat; but da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "I'ma not smoke until I have holla'd at mah errand." Dude holla'd, "Speak on."

[24:34] So da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "I be Abrahamz servant.

[24:35] Da LORD has pimped outly pimped mah master, n' dat schmoooove muthafucka has become wealthy; dat schmoooove muthafucka has given his ass flocks n' herds, silver n' gold, thug n' biatch slaves, camels n' donkeys.

[24:36] And Sarah mah masterz hoe bore a lil hustla ta mah masta when dat biiiiatch was old; n' dat schmoooove muthafucka has given his ass all dat dat schmoooove muthafucka has.

[24:37] My fuckin masta made me swear, saying, 'Yo ass shall not take a hoe fo' mah lil hustla from tha daughtaz of tha Canaanites, up in whose land I live;

[24:38] but you shall git all up in mah fatherz house, ta mah kindred, n' git a hoe fo' mah son.'

[24:39] I holla'd ta mah master, 'Perhaps tha biatch aint gonna gangbang mah dirty ass.'

[24:40] But da perved-out muthafucka holla'd ta me, 'Da LORD, before whom I strutt, will bust his thugged-out angel wit you n' make yo' way successful naaahhmean, biatch? Yo ass shall git a hoe fo' mah lil hustla from mah kindred, from mah fatherz house.

[24:41] Then yo big-ass booty is ghon be free from mah oath, when you come ta mah kindred; even if they aint gonna give her ta you, yo big-ass booty is ghon be free from mah oath.'

[24:42] "I came todizzle ta tha spring, n' holla'd, 'O LORD, tha Dogg of mah masta Abraham, if now yo big-ass booty is ghon only make successful tha way I be going!

[24:43] I be standin here by tha sprang of water; let tha lil' biatch whoz ass comes up ta draw, ta whom I shall say, "Please break me off a lil wata from yo' jar ta drink,"

[24:44] n' whoz ass will say ta me, "Drink, n' I'ma draw fo' yo' camels also"- let her be tha biatch whom tha LORD has appointed fo' mah masterz son.'

[24:45] "Before I had finished bustin lyrics up in mah ass, there was Rebekah comin up wit her wata jar on her shoulder; n' dat biiiiatch went down ta tha spring, n' drew. I holla'd ta her, 'Please let me drink.'

[24:46] Biatch quickly let down her jar from her shoulder, n' holla'd, 'Drink, n' I'ma also wata yo' camels.' So I drank, n' she also watered tha camels.

[24:47] Then I axed her, 'Whose daughta is yo slick ass?' Biatch holla'd, 'Da daughta of Bethuel, Nahorz son, whom Milcah bore ta his muthafuckin ass.' So I put tha rang on her nose, n' tha bracelets on her arms.

[24:48] Then I bowed mah head n' worshiped tha LORD, n' pimped tha LORD, tha Dogg of mah masta Abraham, whoz ass had hustled mah crazy ass by tha right way ta obtain tha daughta of mah masterz kinsman fo' his son.

[24:49] Now then, if yo big-ass booty is ghon deal loyally n' truly wit mah master, tell me; n' if not, tell me, so dat I may turn either ta tha right hand or ta tha left."

[24:50] Then Laban n' Bethuel answered, "Da thang be reppin tha LORD; we cannot drop a rhyme ta you anythang shitty or good.

[24:51] Look, Rebekah is before you, take her n' go, n' let her be tha hoe of yo' masterz son, as tha LORD has spoken."

[24:52] When Abrahamz servant heard they lyrics, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass bowed his dirty ass ta tha ground before tha LORD.

[24:53] And tha servant brought up blin of silver n' of gold, n' garments, n' gave dem ta Rebekah; he also gave ta her brutha n' ta her mutha costly ornaments.

[24:54] Then he n' tha pimps whoz ass was wit his ass ate n' drank, n' they dropped tha night there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. When they rose up in tha morning, da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Send mah crazy ass back ta mah master."

[24:55] Her brutha n' her mutha holla'd, "Let tha hoe remain wit our asses a while, at least ten days; afta dat she may go."

[24:56] But da perved-out muthafucka holla'd ta them, "Do not delay me, since tha LORD has made mah trip successful; let me go dat I may git all up in mah master."

[24:57] They holla'd, "Us thugs will call tha girl, n' ask her muthafuckin ass."

[24:58] And they called Rebekah, n' holla'd ta her, "Will you go wit dis man?" Biatch holla'd, "I will."

[24:59] So they busted away they sista Rebekah n' her nurse along wit Abrahamz servant n' his crazy-ass men.

[24:60] And they pimped Rebekah n' holla'd ta her, "May you, our sister, become thousandz of myriads; may yo' offsprin bust possession of tha gatez of they foes."

[24:61] Then Rebekah n' her maidz rose up, mounted tha camels, n' followed tha man; thus tha servant took Rebekah, n' went his way.

[24:62] Now Isaac had come from Beer-lahai-roi, n' was settled up in tha Negeb.

[24:63] Isaac went up in tha evenin ta strutt up in tha field; n' lookin up, da perved-out muthafucka saw camels coming.

[24:64] And Rebekah looked up, n' when her big-ass booty saw Isaac, her big-ass booty slipped quickly from tha camel,

[24:65] n' holla'd ta tha servant, "Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is tha playa over there, struttin up in tha field ta hook up us?" Da servant holla'd, "It be mah master." So dat dunkadelic hoe took her veil n' covered her muthafuckin ass.

[24:66] And tha servant holla'd at Isaac all tha thangs dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had done.

[24:67] Then Isaac brought her tha fuck into his crazy-ass mutha Sarahz tent yo. Dude took Rebekah, n' da hoe became his hoe; n' he loved her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So Isaac was comforted afta his crazy-ass motherz dirtnap.

Chapta 25 [25:1] Abraham took another hoe, whose name was Keturah.

[25:2] Biatch bore his ass Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak, n' Shuah.

[25:3] Jokshan was tha daddy of Sheba n' Dedan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da lil playaz of Dedan was Asshurim, Letushim, n' Leummim.

[25:4] Da lil playaz of Midian was Ephah, Epher, Hanoch, Abida, n' Eldaah fo' realz. All these was tha lil pimpz of Keturah.

[25:5] Abraham gave all dat schmoooove muthafucka had ta Isaac.

[25:6] But ta tha lil playaz of his concubines Abraham gave gifts, while da thug was still living, n' da perved-out muthafucka busted dem away from his fuckin lil hustla Isaac, eastsideward ta tha eastside ghetto.

[25:7] This is tha length of Abrahamz game, one hundred seventy-five years.

[25:8] Abraham breathed his fuckin last n' took a dirt nap up in a phat oldschool age, a oldschool playa n' full of years, n' was gathered ta his thugged-out lil' people.

[25:9] His lil playas Isaac n' Ishmael buried his ass up in tha cave of Machpelah, up in tha field of Ephron lil hustla of Zohar tha Hittite, eastside of Mamre,

[25:10] tha field dat Abraham purchased from tha Hittites. There Abraham was buried, wit his hoe Sarah.

[25:11] Afta tha dirtnap of Abraham Dogg pimped his fuckin lil hustla Isaac fo' realz. And Isaac settled at Beer-lahai-roi.

[25:12] These is tha descendantz of Ishmael, Abrahamz son, whom Hagar tha Egyptian, Sarahz slave-girl, bore ta Abraham.

[25:13] These is tha namez of tha lil playaz of Ishmael, named up in tha order of they birth: Nebaioth, tha firstborn of Ishmael; n' Kedar, Adbeel, Mibsam,

[25:14] Mishma, Dumah, Massa,

[25:15] Hadad, Tema, Jetur, Naphish, n' Kedemah.

[25:16] These is tha lil playaz of Ishmael n' these is they names, by they villages n' by they encampments, twelve princes accordin ta they tribes.

[25:17] (This is tha length of tha game of Ishmael, one hundred thirty- seven years; his thugged-out lil' punk-ass breathed his fuckin last n' died, n' was gathered ta his thugged-out lil' people.)

[25:18] They settled from Havilah ta Shur, which is opposite Egypt up in tha direction of Assyria; da perved-out muthafucka settled down alongside of all his thugged-out lil' people.

[25:19] These is tha descendantz of Isaac, Abrahamz son: Abraham was tha daddy of Isaac,

[25:20]