The truth is, if you are inclined towards abuse or violence you don’t need a reason, because you create a reason. It’s not the other person’s fault. It’s yours. Years ago, late at night, on a train, I was physically intimidated by a couple of older men. I ignored them until one lunged at me, growling like an Alsatian. All the potential heroes in the carriage hid behind their newspapers or looked away. In those brief moments of fright, I realised how helpless I was, how pitifully unequal in strength, and that provocation isn’t necessary. My only error was being there to pick on. I got off the train. It’s not quite as easy to leave a relationship.