Now, slowly realize that's actually a collection of 18 different women. Hold up, it's not just the normal casual racism at play here: All of those women are working very hard to look identical. South Korea is the place to go for plastic surgery, but there's pretty much only the one "look."

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My friend teaches at a girls' middle school. She'll ask them, "Hey, what did you guys do over vacation?" and they'll proudly respond, "Mommy bought me eyelid surgery." They don't want some trite platitude like "But sweetie, you've always been pretty." They want confirmation that their procedure brought them one step closer to the ultimate South Korean beauty ideal. A big part of that is the vaunted "double eyelid" look.

via Anime Picks

Fun side effect: This removes your ability to cry.

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This and other plastic surgery procedures make up Seoul's #1 graduation gift year in and year out.

So what exactly do these girls hate about themselves (besides everything)? Well, they think their faces are too big and round, so they undergo jaw reduction surgery and cheekbone shaving to achieve the V-shaped face that brings all the boys to the yard. They believe that their eyes are too small, so they double lid it, get a blepharoplasty (further work on the eyelid to make it squeaky-clean), and widen their eyes by cutting the inner corners with an epicanthoplasty. And of course, they want the ideal "S-line" figure, so they undergo rib removal. In short, the worst parts of an Eli Roth torture-porn are just business as usual for young South Korean women.

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Why do both before and after pics look like desperate cries for help?

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Beyond pure culturally imposed vanity, there's another reason so many Koreans spend top dollar to recreate the Clone Wars. There is enormous pressure to compete here in every way. You need to submit personal photos along with every single resume (even for jobs where that shouldn't matter), and those precious, scarce jobs often go to the "prettier" party. To many, plastic surgery isn't done just to look like the Hollywood ideal -- it's considered a sound career move.

Read MJ Stacey's short stories and general musings at http://mjkorea0989.blogspot.kr/. Jason Iannone is a Cracked columnist, freelance editor, and dick joke journalist. He also likes coffee, and whether he meant it in that way or not is left to your sick, perverted imaginations. Let him know what yours dreams up via Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and eponymous website.

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Now see what South Koreans think about us in 24 Things Other Countries Suspect About Life in America.

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