If I ever get jammed up with the law, I ask for no special treatment.

Just treat me like an illegal immigrant.

Forget the 14th Amendment. I don’t want no stinkin’ “equal protection under the law.” What I fervently desire is some illegal-immigrant protection under the law — which basically means no laws.

Seriously, that’s what the woke community is now espousing for the fentanyl-dealing, drunken-driving, gangbanging, identity-stealing MS-13 community livin’ high on the dole here, compliments of Tio Sap.

If you doubt me, peruse the friend-of-the-court briefs filed in U.S. District Court on behalf of indicted Newton District Court Judge Shelley Joseph.

Joseph is a former member of the Democratic State Committee from Brookline who was appointed by fake Republican Governor “Tall Deval” Baker. How much more do you need to know?

You may recall the basics of this crooked judge’s case — she and a door-opener in her courtroom are charged with cutting loose a twice-deported Dominican arrested with drugs after stonewalling a federal ICE agent waiting in the lobby.

Indicted in April, this bleeding-heart hack is still collecting her $184,694-a-year paycheck. (So much for all the judges’ claims that they were making big bucks in private practice – she begged to be put back on welfare, I mean the payroll.) The taxpayers also shelled out $127,000 for her legal defense, until she was indicted. (Now that he’s collected his six figures, her TV-friendly lawyer, Tom Hoopes, says he’s working pro-bono – wink wink nudge nudge.)

The door-opener quickly retired and is now pocketing a monthly kiss in the mail of $3,941 — $47,286 a year.

Joseph is guilty way beyond a reasonable doubt, but she’s hoping for an O.J. Simpson-like jury nullification from 12 Democrats afflicted with Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS).

The Democrats hope to put President Trump on trial instead of the lawless, privileged moonbat judge. Let’s take a peek at some of their amicus-curiae briefs, starting with the Massachusetts Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers (MACDL).

You can see why they’re so invested in this case. If the law-abiding, taxpaying citizens could ever eject this criminal illegal immigrant toxin from the commonwealth, even more of these mouthpieces would be applying for phony-baloney state judgeships than already are.

They’d be starving in the streets.

Even the MACDL admits that at the time he escaped from the judge’s courtroom, the Dominican at issue – “identified by the initials A.S.” — was “charged with being a fugitive from justice and possession of narcotics…. A person who had been previously deported and was prohibited from entering the country until 2027.”

No reasonable doubt here. Just another career-criminal drug-carrying illegal immigrant Dominican. He’d defaulted on a drunken-driving warrant out of Pennsylvania.

“The effort to arrest A.S. was not a singular or isolated incident, but instead was part of an escalating pattern by ICE of undertaking courthouse arrests in and around courthouses in the Commonwealth.”

No escalating fast enough, in my opinion. If you want to slow down the opioid epidemic, deport more of these illegal immigrant Dominican dealers.

“Specifically, ICE has been patrolling Massachusetts courthouses since the Spring of 2017.”

In other words, elections have consequences.

Here’s another exhibit, filed by a public-defender-type lawyer outlining how some noncitizens were subjected to, well, basically the same laws the rest of us have to obey.

The first “victim” was involved in a traffic accident, after which “my client was charged with Operating under the Influence of Liquor… On his way out of his first pre-trial conference, he was arrested by ICE at the courthouse. He has since been deported.”

Good. ICE is just doing the work that Mothers Against Drunk Driving used to do before illegal immigrants started getting lugged for OUI.

Next, an illegal immigrant seeking “asylum” was involved in a hit-and-run. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

“He was charged with leaving the scene of property damage and personal injury. After arraignment, he was arrested leaving the courthouse.”

How dare these beastly ICE officers treat illegal immigrants like … Americans? All of the above criminals are the undocumented Democrats the Beautiful People need to fulfill Obama’s dream of the “fundamental transformation” of America … into a Third World hellhole.

The sooner the feds convict this pampered puke judge and lock her up, the safer we’ll all be.

Check out Howie’s latest podcasts at howiecarrshow.com.