The Great Handshake Freeze-Out of January 14 was the glacé cherry on a shit sundae of malicious, precisely calculated smears on Bernie Sanders. I initially thought that Elizabeth Warren brought some poltergeists from the Omnishambles Clinton campaign into the fold to advise her on gaining some momentum. I no longer believe that Warren was trying to only boost her polling numbers.

I'm now increasingly convinced that this was Stage 1 of a bigger plan. She and we can see that the poll numbers and donor dollars are, at best, stagnated. Her much-ballyhooed progressive creds weren't bringing in waves of Sanders supporters, her casual appropriation of Indigenous identities was not staying swept under the rug, and the Julian Castro endorsement made about as much impact as a fart. In short, she is getting her shit rocked hard, and no amount of reminding us that she is a woman, formerly of colour, is moving the needle with voters. So what's a person to do but hitch her wagon to a shooting star, powered by the Establishment.

Here is my theory: Elizabeth Warren had to show that she is Sound, and Capable of Representing Varying Interests Well, and set up a stunt to set herself on fire to keep Joe Biden warm. Pretending to address injustice and inequality will have to wait until at least after the ink dries on the Biden-Warren ticket. (The maliciously unethical freaks over at CNN were only too happy to comply. They acquitted themselves well with respect to the mission.) The Bernie Sanders Is Sexist swipe was an audition for a role on Team Biden. Success! Joe Biden was getting away with murder last night (he can jump into hell for rewriting his support of invading and occupying Iraq. Fuck Joe Biden and the Dubya admiration he rode in on). Biden could have literally shit his pants on that stage and pelted Wolf Blitzer with feces, and it still would have been eclipsed by Warren's smearing Sanders, as also envisioned by the suits at CNN.

The big and possibly unanticipated problem is that Big Us got ruffled as hell. Bernie Sanders brought in $1.7 million from the debate and thousands of new donors. Not only unprecedented, but also indicative that smearing Sanders actually works in his favour. (An aside: is there anyone here who doesn't think Donald Trump would trade all of his children for a tenth of Bernie's popularity? I bask in the light of the possibility that Donald Trump is seething with jealousy and entitlement, but I digress.) Sure, the spotlight stayed off Joe Biden's nonsensical spew at the sham of a debate, but I don't know that Bernie could have raked in $1.7 million if he hadn't been so blatanly attacked by CNN and the Warren campaign.

I don't really know how to conclude. I feel the same way now that I do when I eat four donuts consecutively, initially thinking it is no big deal: bloated, nauseated, reaching for the Pepto-Bismal, and reminding myself not to fall for that naive thinking again. One can take the girl out of the GOP but one can't take the GOP out of the girl. So what can one say except ta-ta, Warren! I hope it was all #WorthIt to be second mate aboard the S. S. Malarkey on the voyage of the damned.