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If you did not get that reference, there are more valuable things you can be doing with your time.

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*** Wank boosted Tony up through the freshly broken window of the science lab, then scuttled up the wall with Tonyâs assistance. They landed in the dark, and something crunched beneath their feet. âI cannot believe you broke the window,â Tony sighed. âCouldnât be avoided," Wank replied curtly, stumbling towards the doorway. âOK, but did you have to hurl my iPhone through it?â âWhat else would you suggest?â âThere are rocks literally everywhere. They are the very foundation of the Earth beneath our feet.â âHuh. Thatwould have been better,â Wank agreed, at last finding the door and stepping into the darkened hallway.

Rocks: Nature's locksmith.

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It took an hour and a half to navigate the roughly 100-feet between the science lab and the cafeteria, including 15 minutes spent walking in circles until Tony and Wank simultaneously realized that they were both following the other; 30 minutes of backtracking to find the bathrooms before simply urinating through the slots of Jenny Speceâs locker (it was unanimously decided on as retribution for her terrible handjob techniques; itâs like stroking a beloved pet,Jenny, not starting a fucking lawnmower); and a full 45 minutes of rapt discussion as to who was the best Transformer, and why. When they finally remembered why they'd come, they quickly located the double-doors to the cafeteria. Wank flipped on the lights and looked for the fryer while Tony found the freezer. âWank,â Tony said, his jaw gone slack, his eyes losing focus, âthere are no words for this. I must compose a symphony.â It was the day after delivery. The freezer was stocked with ten 30-pound bags of crinkle-cut french fries.

Three hundred pounds of pre-sliced potato mana; the starchy ambrosia; yellow gold.

âIâm going to make all of them,â Wank whispered in awe. He rushed over and began alternately praying to, swearing at and punching the fryer. After what seemed like a frankly unnecessary flying elbow, he finally managed to hit the "ON" button. The machine kicked to life. âDude, just use the manual,â Tony offered the booklet helpfully. Wank promptly seized it and dropped it into the deep fryer, âRecords are for the weak of mind and demented! We are young and clever; we will not suffer instructions!â âI cannot conceive of a situation in which losing the instructions for an intensely complicated and dangerous piece of machinery has ever ended well.â âWell clearly it's working: They have become deep fried and delicious. Now you may dine on your precious instructions.â Tony could not shake an ominous feeling of foreshadowing, but he ate the manual anyway because he was extremely high and that is just what extremely high people do.