We’re nothing but charitable here at crimson quarry dot com, so we thought we might help the Purdue Boilermakers out with their next football coaching search.

Now you’re probably thinking to yourself, wait a minute, Purdue doesn’t have a coaching vacancy. Well, as of this morning Louisville does, as noted motorcycling enthusiast Bobby Petrino has now been fired. And Jeff Brohm is from Louisville, played football there, and still owns a house there.

You can connect the dots.

Anyway, we want to be good rivals and help, so here are some suggestions for the next Purdue football head coach:

Neil Armstrong

With Brohm potentially coming home to Louisville, Purdue will need a guy to come home to West Lafayette. And in case you haven’t heard, Neil Armstrong went to Purdue. He may have passed away a few years ago, but I still think he’d be an upgrade from Darrell Hazell. It’s time for Purdue to go back to its roots, and who better than Neil to get the alums excited?

Drew Brees

Another possibility to get the alums on board. Brees is still playing great and shows no signs of slowing down, even at age 39. But who’s to say he can’t coach a game on Saturday, catch a redeye, then throw for 300 yards and 4 TDs the next day?

Pat Narduzzi

We’ve been through this before. Bring the ACC Coastal champion coach back to the B1G. #PURDUZZI!

Pat Monahan

He is the lead singer of Train and I hear Purdue fans love Train.

(checks notes)

Ahh sorry, wrong type of train. I think what I meant was...

This Amtrak Locomotive

CHOOOOOOO CHOOOOOOOO!

The Hog

A Triple XXX Burger

It’s called Triple XXX but isn’t that actually nine X’s? What’s up with that?

Mike DeBord

Do it, Bobinski.