Trump Says, 'I Don't Want Any Americans To Die', NYT Quotes As 'I... Want... Americans To Die'

NEW YORK, NY—In a somber, heartfelt speech yesterday, Trump expressed his condolences toward Americans affected by the coronavirus outbreak.

At one point, he seemed to go off-script, saying, "This whole thing is just horrible. I don't want any Americans to die. We're doing everything we can so people will not die. We are not saying you're on your own. We're doing everything in our power to stop the spread of the virus."

The New York Times, the watchmen of democracy and the guardians of truth, faithfully related his comments to the public, quoting him as saying, "This whole thing is just... I... want Americans to die. We're doing everything we can so people will... die. You're on your own. We're doing everything in our power to... spread... the virus."

Within an hour of his speech, every verified journalist on social media had shared the New York Times' version of the quote, adding their own comments like "Wow." and "This is horrible." and "We really should consider socialism, don't ya think?"

The newspaper has apologized for not making the quote even worse.

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