If Newt Gingrich Were Still In Congress And Trump Were A Democrat, He’d Have Been Impeached And Hung By Now

To be fair, the Constitution does not provide for presidents to be executed after they are successfully impeached and convicted, ultimately being thrown out of office. But something tells me that if Newt “Blowjob Crusade” Gingrich were still in Congress, and if Donald “Tiny Fingers He Faps About His Daughter With” Trump were a Democrat, that ol’ Newt would be begging the courts to let him have Donny put to death. If a blowjob from an adult staffer was a crime worth investigating and ultimately impeaching Bill Clinton for lying about, then I can’t even imagine what Gingrich’s outrage would have been like if he found out that Clinton had paid a porn star he’d been fucking off so that she didn’t tell the press about their affair, which they had while Hillary was pregnant with Chelsea.

Just imagine the religiosity of it all. I remember, being in a Religious Right home at the time, how angry and upset Christian Republicans were about Clinton’s hummer from Monica. They were genuinely arguing that sexual impropriety alone was enough to get a president impeached, because of the blackmail implications, and such. Never mind that we’d find out years later that Newt was fucking his current wife Callista on the side, behind his SICK WIFE’S back at the same time he was moralizing about Clinton…Gingrich would be out for blood right now if Trump was a Dem and he was still in a position to mount an impeachment case.

So, why aren’t the Religious Right freaking out over Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen, telling the media he was the one who gave Stormy Daniels $130k to keep quiet about her affair with Trump? Because Don’s their standard bearer, that’s why. Because in a truly twisted bit of irony, he’s now the champion of their cause. He’s speaking at Pro-Life events. He’s giving lip service to their faith, and he’s playing the part of the one time sinner turned holy man of God. It’s a massive crock of shit, of course, but the reason that the Pat Robertsons and the Ralph Reeds of the world aren’t clamoring to have him removed is simple politics. You and I might call it cynical and hypocritical, but they call it, I don’t know, anything but that.

At this point, I almost feel redundant pointing out Republican hypocrisy, though. It seems like the baked-in tribalism of our two party system has Republicans — rank and file and the people they elect — willfully putting on blinders to their president’s obvious corruption, blatant kowtowing to the foreign adversary that our intelligence community roundly believes hacked our last presidential election and said just this week is absolutely attacking us daily, and has our mid-terms in their sights, and dangerous incompetence and criminality.

Yes, I said criminality, and no, I don’t think I’m being hypebolic.

I’m not a lawyer, and I’ve never played one on TV. But I pay attention when lawyers speak, such as attorney and Congressman Ted Lieu, who says Cohen’s admission likely sets him up for more trouble with the Federal Election Committee, because it’s a “massive in-kind contribution.”

Michael Cohen admits he paid $130k in hush money to Daniels during presidential campaign to cover up her affair with @realDonaldTrump. That smells illegal. Looks like a massive in-kind contribution. He also says he wasn't reimbursed. He's lied before. Why should we believe him? https://t.co/K5UXF1WjdK — Ted Lieu (@tedlieu) February 14, 2018

And let’s not forget that Democratic presidential hopeful and one time Golden Boy John Edwards was taken down and ultimately served time in federal prison for a situation that is incredibly similar to what Cohen admitted to. And this is before we remotely dive into whether he was being truthful about if he was reimbursed by Trump or the Trump campaign…

…then again, the Trumps would just steal the repayment from kids with cancer or some shit, so maybe it’s a good thing if Cohen wasn’t paid back for hushing Stormy Daniels up.

When DOJ indicted John Edwards for a similar situation to the Michael Cohen payment to Stormy Daniels, case was brought by the NC U.S. attorney (now @RepHolding) and the Public Integrity Section at Main Justice, w/ US atty in the lead. 1/ — Matthew Miller (@matthewamiller) February 14, 2018

I can remember a time when Republicans in Congress would have flipped their shit over a president’s lawyer apparently committing some kind of campaign finance crime. Hell, I can remember when Republicans thought presidents who have shady-ass pasts that are rife for blackmail were national security risks, instead of being treated like a high holy God Emperor. I guess those times are long gone.

And make no mistake — ultimately, I don’t give a shit if Stormy Daniels debauched herself with the most disgusting pile of pig shit on the planet. I don’t even give a flying fuck that Trump paid her off to keep her quiet. I think that speaks to just how idiotic politics is, because not a single person who voted for him cared if he had raped a cat in front of his mother; they just wanted Hillary to lose. So they all knew deep down this spoiled, entitled dog shit of a human being had said and done some things they would’ve found disqualifying for a Democrat to do.

I’m just over here pointing out the hypocrisy, as ever, is all. What a time to be alive and feel so very dead inside.