'I won't let my children play with friends that I deem beneath them... that's what caring mothers do': Apprentice star admits she targets playmates who are a good influence

Looking at the garish party invitation in my daughter's hand, my heart sank. The venue was bad enough: the dirty, sticky soft play area at our local leisure centre. But the name of the birthday girl told me all I needed to know.

With her pierced ears, passion for pink leggings and array of electronic play equipment, Charmaine is definitely not the sort of child I want my daughter associating with. Pretending to look at my diary, I sighed. 'Oh what a shame. We're busy on that day.'

Poppy looked disappointed until I promised to organise an extra tennis lesson. 'Why don't you invite Maisie?' I suggested, naming a classmate I do approve of.



Mum knows best: Katie with (left to right) Poppy, seven, Max, four, and India, eight

Call me controlling, call me ruthlessly aggressive. But I'm convinced one of the best things I can do for my children - India, eight, Poppy, seven, and Max, four - is to choose their friends for them.



I target children that I think will be a good influence and curtail friendships with children I think will drag them down.

I know I'm not alone, either. If they're honest, I think most caring mothers do exactly the same.



They're just too embarrassed to admit it.



So I wasn't a bit surprised to learn last week that a study confirms exactly what I have always believed. Academic success is infectious. Pupils 'catch' cleverness from their friends.



Not surprised: 'A study confirms exactly what I have always believed. Academic success is infectious'

Researchers in America discovered that if pupils' friends were doing better than they were, then their marks improved. Conversely, children who chose less successful friends ended up not doing as well.

I am extremely ambitious for my children. What mother isn't?



They currently attend a state primary school near our home in St Leonard's, Exeter, but I plan for them to switch to the private sector for their secondary education.



Their school is perfectly pleasant. But, inevitably, it has a broad mix of children from very different social backgrounds. I was educated privately - at a Catholic girls' school - before taking a degree in Economics at the University of Exeter. So I am acutely aware of the benefits of meeting children from like-minded, high-achieving families.



Wary of classmates: 'I know who is falling behind and who is clearly not interested in their work or study'

I have absolutely no intention of letting my two precious daughters get dragged down into the quagmire of underperforming children. So I work hard at targeting the right sort of friends for them.



From the moment they started school, I have kept an ear out for little snippets of information about their classmates. I know who is falling behind and who is clearly not interested in their work or study.

My state primary school doesn't stream children academically but you don't need to be a genius to work out who is clever and who, most definitely, is not. For example, hearing that a child has finished their home learning book (we used to call it homework) and asked for another is music to my ears. It means the parents are investing time and trouble in their child's education.

When one of my girls came home last week and announced that a classmate had filled up her star sheet for good behaviour, I made a mental note of the child's name for future reference.



She is clearly the type of child who is eager to learn, ambitious and wants to work hard in order to be rewarded with success. And that is the type of child I want my daughters to play with and to learn from.

Similarly, I make a mental note when Poppy and India tell me that a particular child - let's call him Peter - is always late for school.

Proud: Poppy and India go to piano and violin lessons, swimming and Brownies'

If his parents can't be bothered to get him into class on time, they clearly don't care about the education of their child - and, worse still, are hindering the learning of others. My girls are as frustrated with this continual tardiness as I am. Is it beyond the wit of a parent to get their child to school on time?

When I hear my daughters talking about children who have all the latest gadgets - whether it's an iPhone or iPad - I'm instantly on my guard because they definitely won't have time to devote to homework. As a result, I will discourage any friendship.

At the risk of sounding snobbish, I also favour children who have good old-fashioned Victorian names such as George, Henry and Victoria. And, if a child has a name with a Latin or Greek derivation such as Ariadne or Helena, all the better. It indicates the parents are well educated.

Ruthless: 'I make excuses not to invite particular children for playdates or sleepovers'

I actively ensure my children are meeting the right sort of children at their after-school activity classes. Poppy and India go to an array of things: piano and violin lessons, swimming and Brownies.

Of course I think these activities are beneficial. But the real benefit is the networking opportunities.



I want my girls to connect with the children of like-minded parents who also strive for their children to be high achievers.

Plus I pay for them both to have a private tutor for 30 minutes each week. He helps improve their learning and reinforces my message about mixing with the right people.



I have absolutely no doubt that, as a parent, it is your duty to be proactive. I am merciless about cutting off bad friendships, too. I make excuses not to invite particular children for playdates or sleepovers and I refuse any invitations on my children's behalf.



The girls don't really realise what I'm doing. It's very subtle even when I monitor the guests my girls invite to their parties.



We sit down together and draw up a list of four or five children. 'Why don't you invite nice so-and-so,' I say, naming a child I believe will be beneficial to them.



I am convinced that my tactics are paying off. Recently I asked Indiawhich children she liked to play with.



'The children who come to school on time and wear proper school uniforms are the nicest and the most fun,' she told me. 'If children don't put any effort in, I don't want to play with them.'

My younger daughter, Poppy, is attracted by the wild side and I have no doubt that, left to her own devices, she would choose friends who would be a bad influence on her.

When she was four she asked if she could have her ears pierced like a (male) classmate. I, of course, said no. I cannot understand why the parent of this child would think it was acceptable.

Recently she asked for a Nintendo after she played on one during a class trip. The boy sitting on the coach next to her had sneaked it into his bag.



'But you know that children aren't supposed to bring in electronic games equipment,' I said. 'So what on earth were you doing sitting next to him when you knew he was doing the wrong thing?' That hammered my message home.

Of course I realise that, when my girls get to secondary school, I will have less control over them and the friends they choose.

