It’s been a while since I awarded the Veruca Salt Award. Not because there hasn’t been anyone deserving the Award — we’ll never be that good — but because I’m so jaded nothing has really taken my breath away like it used to. Laziness is in there too, one of the top five reasons for sure.

Here’s a re-cap of what the Veruca Salt Award is about:

The Veruca Salt Award is named in honor of the character from the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Veruca is a spoiled rotten child, whose parents treat her like a princess, who thinks she can take whatever she wants whenever she wants it, and her wants and desires rise above all else. She embodies the Deadly Sin of Greed, with touches of Envy and Wrath. A thoroughly unpleasant character, naturally she ends up in the garbage chute.

Who is Henry M. Paulson Jr, and why has he been chosen for this prestigious award? I’m glad you asked.

Mr Paulson is the current Secretary of the Treasury under George W. Bush, and

really, if you don’t know who he is, you’re seriously not paying attention. Paulson comes from a nice family in Illinois, Eagle Scout, English major at Dartmouth, MBA from Harvard Business School (slightly tarnished), Staff Assistant to the Assistant Secretary of Defense under Nixon, assistant to John Erlichman (uh oh), former CEO of Goldman Sachs, husband, father, grandfather, and bird-watcher.

Soooo, if you’ve been living in a cave in the mountains of Idaho, and only had basic cable, you might not have heard about a certain crisis in our financial institutions, which are in need of a monstrous bailout — to the tune of $700 billion — yes, BILLION.

Mr Paulson put together a legislative proposal to allow the Treasury to purchase all those worthless mortgages, and bailout the financial institutions who have been on a drunken speculation joyride for years, and finally had two wheels hanging over the edge of Depression Cliff.

Here’s the breath-taking, award-winning section:

Sec. 8. Review. Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.

Wow.

I mean, just how big are Mr Paulson’s balls anyway? Got a wheelbarrow…?

Paulson sez: Give me $700 BILLION of your tax dollars, and I’ll fix everything. Trust me. Really, would I lie to you?

Mr Hubris Paulson, here’s your prize.

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