CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Prime Minister Morrison has today found yet another colonial-era tribute to spend money on, after the body of English explorer Matthew Flinders was found during an archeological dig at Euston train station.

His new initiative is expected to use a big chunk of that ungodly amount of money he’s dedicated to the revisionist re-enactments of White Australian settlement, which is good news for the Coalition government because they would hate to leave any money in the kitty for when Labor inevitably take over in a few months.

This follow’s the Prime Minister announcement on Tuesday, where he pledged $6.7 million to the Australian National Maritime Museum so its replica of Endeavour can circumnavigate the country, stopping at 39 different spots that Captain Cook never visited along the way.

However, after being criticised for confusing Cook with Flinders, the actual first European to circumnavigate Australia, Morrison has decided to meet the history buffs in the middle.

“We can pay tribute to Flinders too. I also find him to be a very interesting dead old Englishman”

“He too, was worldly, learned, and very very handsome”

Last night’s discovery in London couldn’t come at a more convenient for the embattled Prime Minister as he looks to find ways to spend his whole $48.7-million package to commemorate 250 years since the arrival of the British, out of fear that not enough Australians remember the timeline after spending six years learning about him in primary school.

“We have his bones” said Prime Minister Morrison.

“That’s all we need. We have his DNA…. A DNA strand like me is a blueprint for building a living thing.”

“I pledge $30m to help the CSIRO cloning department build super-computers and gene-sequencers that can break down the strand in minutes.”

“We need virtual-reality displays that can show our geneticists the gaps in the DNA sequence. Then I believe they will be able to use the complete DNA of a frog to fill in the holes and complete the code.