OTTAWA – This week the Ontario Cannabis Store made public their marketing strategy for the provincial sale and distribution of marijuana – simply opening for business.

“We spent $650,000 on marketing consultants who developed a comprehensive one-point plan to raise consumer awareness of cannabis. Which is honestly already at 110% in this reefer-loving province,” said OCS representative Dana Miller. “There was some concern that customers might need location maps to find outlets, but then I remembered this guy I knew in college who made a bong out of a child safety seat and some feathers. They’ll figure it out.”

The bulk of the $650,000 marketing budget consisted of contracts with top graphic design firms to create an eye-catching flyer with the words “It’s legal now, come get it,” in various fonts, but the designs remain unused.

“We decided that the environmental impact of a paper-based campaign simply wasn’t necessary to drum up interest in cannabis,” explained Miller. “I mean, my grandfather smokes a gram a day, and he hasn’t even heard of Netflix.” Miller explained that the money saved will be diverted toward bean-bag chairs for patrons and “a super chill dog.”

When asked the if the lacklustre campaign may discourage new customers, Miller denied the possibility. “You know people currently get in a car with strangers and drive to an unknown second location just to get this stuff, right?” said Miller. “I imagine walking into a well-lit store and speaking to a salaried employee will not prove a barrier for the average customer. And let’s not forget the super-chill dog.”

Only time will tell if the marketing plan will prove effective in raising awareness about marijuana dispensaries. However, considering 60% of the nation’s roommates have a dedicated countdown clock set to play Bob Marley deep cuts at 4:20 on opening day, signs point toward a successful launch.