THE UK would embrace common ownership of the means of production if it meant decent air-conditioning.

Communist support has surged after it emerged that in Vietnam every building has aircon, a fridge with an ice dispenser and government-issued Soleros.

Newly converted Leninist Wayne Hayes said: “Under the dictatorship of the proletariat, ice-blended cocktails will be every citizen’s birthright and the bourgeoisie will be forced to give their handheld battery-powered fans to the working class.

“You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs, nor can you have a Nobbly Bobbly without seizing the levers of the state.”

Hayes’ boss, Helen Archer, said: “Idiocy. The invisible hand of the market will keep everyone at the right temperature to be productive without state interference.

“Shut up and drink this small cup of tepid water.”

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