Thanks everyone

What I'm about to write here is not about N.A. drama or someone, it's about how it has been here in N.A. and a big shoutout to everyone who helped me so far.



Obviously I'm very happy for winning the match that decided if our team would keep going on HGC or not, but to be honest, I didn't expected to play the crucible in my first season, but I also didn't expectex to be top 1-2 in my first season (doesn't mean that I wouldn't try).



These last 8 months has been by far the hardest months of my life, when I got here, I had no family members or friends to provide me at least some basic support, so I could focus only in the game. If I didn't cook, I wouldn't eat, if I didn't stream, I wouldn't have money to pay all the rent and possibly to eat. In Brazil, I used to lend money to some friends, so they could keep playing. when I got here, I had to ask for money so that I could have the basics to keep playing. Unfortunately, my family also doesn't have the conditions to provide me support.



Ingame or offgame, everything is going to be way harder than to those people who were born here, I'm not talking about racism or anything, but it is a reality that only someone who goes through it would know. Talking about offgame, to even get a cell number, a bank account or simple stuff, everything will be 3x harder for you, simply by the fact that you're foreign. I can say that I had to go more than 8 interviews with immigration, every time that I travelled, after all, it was hard to explain to them that I left my country to "play computer games" in N.A., not to mention all the bureaucracy with the visa. I had to keep travelling between Canada and US to stay legal with the visa that I had, all the money I had was worth at least 3x less, by the fact that Brazil's economy isn't one of the best, and you know those sad moments when you lose or when you're stressed with your problems? And yeah, you also need to keep it all to yourself, because familiar people that you always lived with are very far from you.



Now talking about ingame, when I got here, I didn't care if I won all championships in Latam, I didn't care if I had the experience of 7 internationals (it's funny because, when the team qualified for the international, they talked about the big experience they got, but to me this wasn't exactly true). To most people, I had to prove myself playing, or would be considered a risk for the teams. Yeah, no matter how hard it is to say this, and I'm not generalizing, but most people here didn't want to see a player from another region taking the spot of another player from his own region (at least not in my case), with open division players giving me free hate... After all, they deserved to be in my place. In HL, if any of you saw me playing without chat voice or with chat muted, it was because I'm tired of receiving hate without deserving it ("br LOL, go back to your region", etc) and I prefered to focus on improving my game. I even got hate from some HGC players, but I prefered to never expose anyone and focus on me only. As a player, I felt that everything I had to do, I had to to it 3x better so I would be recognized and no matter how many times I did everything right, if I made one mistake, it would rain "br lol, latam lol, etc". In 14 games, none of the casters invited me to talk about what were my thoughts of the enemy team, I don't know if they were afraid of my english or if it was someone else's decision, but it's these simple things that you see and feel that for you it's different. Everything you say has some negative impact, and will be much worse than if any other player in the scene says it, and everything people say about you, will also have a lot more impact against you. It's like you have no "voice" in the scene and you need to prove yourself. I don't judge anyone for not rooting for me or even rooting against me, I think that if it was the opposite, I would also root for the players of my region (idk).



Don't get me wrong, I'm not here to victimize myself, or make you pity me, or to crucify someone for certain things that happened with me in these last months. From where I come from, we're molded with sacrifice, pain and overcoming. People need to work a lot more to have what many people have here as basic stuff. And to be a pro player, you have to go against everyone and everything, where only the best can "survive" playing Hots, where people have to quit their jobs uncertain if they'll even have the minimum conditions that people have here. Even with all obstacles I'm very grateful for everything I have here: 6h of scrims everyday it's something that I always wanted (it was funny how my teammates would make fun of me because I told them I was sad when we wouldn't have scrims), have a HGC salary also it's something that I know many people would give their blood to have (even if I use all the money just to keep myself here), having HL to play every night (even with all the problems of the system). This is all very gratifying and made me evolve as a player. I had my visa denied one in 2015, lost several matches in 7 internationals and now lost 12 series in my first HGC season. But you know, that's how I consider I'm evolving, after all, it's very easy to keep you as a team or to keep your psychological stability when you're winning, but deal with defeat and use it as learning. It's a skill you develop with time.





With time you also develop to ignore the haters or what goes bad for you, and learn to focus on what makes you good. It was funny seeing people say that I used twitter to give "motivational quotes" or to "hate someone". I talk about what I feel, about moments that I believe happen in many people's lives, and if I went throught something and moved on, everyone can. #BeAMonster was never about gym or motivation. It's about how I face life and how I think, and those are values and things that I believe. No one is forced to share this same thought.



Yep, it has not been easy, but I can say that I improved a lot as a person and as a player in the last months, since the day I got here, my life was all about one thing: "Heroes of the Storm", it was the reason I woke up everyday and why I went to sleep everyday, no matter if I was happy, sad, frustrated or whatever feeling. I always wanted to do my best, no matter if I won or lose, but all of this wouldn't be possible without the help of some people:



-Casanova: Thank you a lot, you gave me an opportunity on HGC and believed me to be one of your teammates, I am very thankful for that.



-Vaikael (my roomate): You welcomed me into your house, along with your wife and all that, without even knowing me. You were a person that I could talk to and tell my problems many times. You gave me an opportunity that I'm sure to tell my children, beyond all, you were my friend.



-Kate (my gf): Before I got here, I went through some frustrations with previous relationships, and that made me a lot more less emotional that I normally was. You loved me the way I was, no matter what I had, no matter my work. You believed in me and stayed with me winning or losing. I love you.



-My team: You helped me to improve my english, had patience with me, gave me the opportunity to be shotcaller and drafter. Sometimes got mad at me, went throught relaxed moments and tough ones, but in the end, we managed to keep ourselves on HGC.



-Kubie and Khroen: I had no friends in N.A. and I always was afraid of talking to someone and asking for advice on a few things. I didn't wanted to be misunderstood. You were the guys that listened to me and gave me a lot advice when things were bad.



-Fuxo, Kaoru (my 2 biggest supporters) and all of you who support me and believe that someday I'll reach my dream. You may not know, but when you're losing 3-1 in a Bo7 and any mistake can throw away everything you've been giving your blood to, people like you are those who give us energy from somewhere we didn't know existed. This is my dream and I'll keep fighting for it, no matter what happens, but the best is to know that there are people that really care for me and support me, win or lose.



-God: I'm not very religious, but I have a lot of faith, never stopped believing in a better tomorrow and that there's someone watching out for me. When you're going throught stuff that I went through and will go through in the future, and discover that your faith is your best friend.



-My mother and my sister: Your family is your foundation, they'll love you winning or losing, in success or defeat.



I know this was a wall of text, but thank you very much for giving me strength to continue fighting. No matter what will come of tomorrow, I won't give up.



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