NEW YORK—Clutching the tinfoil-wrapped bundle tightly to her chest as she emerged from a local taqueria, area woman Caroline Parrish tenderly shielded her takeout burrito from the cold as though it were a week-old newborn, sources confirmed Friday. “I’ll get you home soon, my love—just a few more minutes,” whispered Parrish, nestling the rolled mass of spicy steak and beans within the folds of her jacket to ensure it could not be chilled by the wind as she carefully sidestepped patches of ice and affectionately cradled her cherished lunch item to ensure its fragile form was fully supported. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” At press time, Parrish was terrified to realize her burrito had been switched with someone else’s.

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