SUN PRAIRIE, WI—According to shocked and disgusted sources, local couple Graham and Allison Finlay partake in a bizarre presex ritual where they tuck both of their kids into bed and then kiss them goodnight. The “nasty freaks” reportedly watch their 2- and 5-year-olds brush their teeth, sing them a little song, and pull the covers snugly over their bodies as a form of foreplay carried out prior to intercourse in their own bedroom. Accounts suggest that the Finlays are, in fact, so dedicated to this erotic practice that they perform it nightly and very likely “can’t get their pervy rocks off without it.” Given their deviant sexual proclivities, sources speculated that the couple probably liked to stay quiet during sex just so they could secretly listen in on their youngest through the baby monitor.

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