Tea time, that most soothing of British institutions, can be a rather heated affair depending on who you have around the table. Those from the Midlands and north will say that what I call a crumpet is a pikelet. Antipodeans argue that a pikelet is a drop scone. And Americans gaze disappointedly at my muffins, yearning for a cakier offering filled with fruit, nuts, even chocolate. But whatever you call them, they're all vehicles for butter (a dollop or two of jam wouldn't go amiss, either).

Another thing they have in common is that they're all yeasty doughs or sconey batters traditionally cooked on a griddle. The word muffin comes from the old French word for soft bread, moufflet, and the dough is indeed more bread-like than the crumpet and pikelet. Proper muffins should be eaten as fresh as possible, and don't cut them in half, because that makes them tough. Hannah Glasse described it perfectly in The Art Of Cookery Made Plain And Easy way back in 1747: "Toast them with a Fork crisp on both Sides, then with your Hand pull them open, and they will be like a Honey-Comb; lay in as much Butter as you intend to use, then clap them together again, and set it by the Fire, when you think the Butter is melted turn them, that both Sides may be butter'd alike, but don't touch them with a Knife, either to spread or cut them open, if you do they will be as heavy as Lead."

Crumpets are made from a thickish, yeasty batter and poured into rings. If you don't have rings, make thinner pancakes, or pikelets. Whether they are thick or thin, crumpets or pikelets, toast on the flattened bottom first and then on the holey side, so that maximum butter will melt into the crisp toasted holes. Now all you need is a big pot of tea, a fire and, possibly, a clean shirt standing by.

Crumpets

Hugely satisfying to make. Makes 12.

450g plain white flour

350ml warm milk

350ml warm water (approximately)

5g powdered dried yeast

10g salt

1 tsp baking powder

A little sunflower or vegetable oil

In a bowl, whisk the flour, milk, water and yeast into a rather runny batter the consistency of single cream. Cover with cling-film and leave for an hour until really bubbly (or three to four hours, if need be).

Heat a heavy-based frying pan or flat griddle over a medium-high heat. Whisk the salt and baking powder into the batter. Lightly grease the crumpet rings and pan. Put one ring in the pan, fill to just below the top – the batter should stay in the ring and lots of holes should appear on the surface after a minute or two. (If it dribbles out underneath, it is too thin, so whisk a little more flour into your batter mix. If lots of holes don't form, it's too thick, so whisk in some water.) Assuming your test crumpet is OK, after five minutes or so, when the surface is just set, flip it over, ring and all. (If the cooked base seems too dark, turn down the heat.) Cook for two to three minutes, until golden on the other side. Repeat with the remaining batter in batches. Butter and eat at once, or cool on a wire rack for toasting later.

A pikelet variation If you don't have rings, whisk an extra 50g flour into the batter, to stiffen it, dollop spoonfuls into a greased, warmed pan and cook for a couple of minutes a side.

Muffins

I've got my very own muffin man, River Cottage baker, Daniel Stevens, whose recipe this is. Makes nine.

500g strong white bread flour, plus extra for dusting (or a 50:50 mixture of strong and plain flour)

2 tsp (10g) salt

1 tsp (5g) powdered dried yeast

325ml warm water

1 tbsp sunflower oil, plus a bit extra

1 handful semolina flour, for coating

To knead by hand, mix the flour, salt, yeast and water in a bowl to form a sticky dough. Add the oil, mix, then turn out on to a work surface and knead until smooth and silky. To use a mixer with a dough hook attachment, combine the flour, salt, yeast and water on a low speed, then add the oil and knead for 10 minutes until smooth and silky. Shape the dough into a round, coat very sparely with oil and place in a clean bowl covered with a plastic bag. Leave to rise until doubled in size.

Tip out the dough on to a work surface and press all over to deflate. Divide into nine pieces (about 90g each), shape each into a round and flatten to about 1.5cm. Dust with semolina flour – this gives a lovely texture to the crust – and leave to prove on a clean linen tea towel on a wooden board (slip into a plastic bag to help it along) until doubled in size.

Heat a large, heavy frying pan or griddle over medium heat and grease very lightly. Cook the muffins in batches so you don't overcrowd the pan (or have two pans going at once). Lay the muffins in the pan, cook for a minute or two, then turn gently. Cook slowly for 10-12 minutes, turning every now and then. You may need to adjust the heat if they seem to be colouring too fast or not fast enough. Cool on a wire rack.

Potato farls

A great savoury teatime treat, or as part of a fry-up. Serve hot with butter and a sprinkling of salt. Makes four.

850g potatoes, peeled and halved (or leftover mash)

½ tsp salt

30g plain flour, plus extra for dusting

20g melted butter, plus more for frying (or use dripping or lard)

Put the spuds in a pan, add water to cover by 4cm and bring to a boil. Simmer until tender, about 20 minutes. Drain, return to the pan to steam and dry out a bit, then mash. Place the warm mash in a bowl, stir in the salt, flour and butter until well combined, then turn out on to a floured surface. Knead lightly – the dough will be sticky – then use a floured rolling pin to flatten into a 20cm circle about 7mm thick. Use a floured knife to cut into quarters, and dust lightly with flour. Warm the fat in a heavy frying pan over a medium-high heat and cook the farls for three minutes a side until evenly browned. Season with a little salt and serve straight away.

theguardian.com/hughfearnleywhittingstall

• Interested in celebrating Christmas the River Cottage way? Go to rivercottage.net and take a look at our seasonal events and dinners.