Here in the greatest country in the world (or so we’ve been told) we have a great deal of rights. As ‘mericans, we’re pretty much free to live our lives the way we choose, and possess whatever makes us happy….(Dramatic Pause)…

However!

There are two controversial items with severely passionate groups behind them that receive undeserved stigma.

If you take a look at that good old Bill of Rights, it doesn’t take long to find out the founding fathers wanted you to be strapped, however we still debate this subject every single day.

Myself, and countless others, have pretty much accepted the completely logical thought: anyone who feels they NEED a gun, is going to get one.

Why should we stop the people who are going to use them properly? I don’t want everyone going around shooting people like it’s a Plies concert, but if someone puts a “K” to my face, I’d like to be able to defend myself.

Marijuana and Guns have a rarely discussed parallel.

Marijuana is exactly like owning a gun in the sense that it’s only dangerous if someone abuses it.

“Gun’s don’t kill people, people kill people.”

Well….

“Weed doesn’t kill people, retards on weed kill people, except like not really that much.”

Weed is not the lethal poison some once thought, in fact, a variety of wonderful locations now allow it to be used medicinally, a magical term which allows a vast array of our citizens to intake a diverse group of wonderful mind altering substances that turn each day into a shindig planned by Jesus.

HOW CAN THIS BE? Throughout our entire lives we’re assured that it’s such a danger, that it will single-handedly ruin our lives, that it will even make people enjoy Owen Wilson films.

And that’s the problem?

While most people indulge in herb because they genuinely enjoy sitting around smoking, a distinct amount of Marijuana’s appeal relies on the hype and danger. If they made Pop-Tarts illegal you would have middle school kids smuggling them in their ass across state lines. At least until they found that Toaster Strudel connect.

(Welcome to the readers who have reached this post after searching “Middle School Kids + Pop Tarts + Asses” on Google. )

I’d say literally, ok, probably, 50% of people who start smoking weed, do so because the second the cord is cut they’re told about how terrible it is and how it will lead to their inevitable demise. Unfortunately for Johnny Role Model, once you arrive at a little late night place I like to call sanity, you realize pretty much every entertainer, musical artist and athlete is getting high. So are regular people, lots of people….

Pretty much every person with a brain (sorry Scarecrow) has come to the conclusion that legalizing, regulating and taxing Marijuana would not only put an end to the mystery, it would also “Make it (Make It) Rain” on our economy.

Alcohol and tobacco, are shall we say, popular. Yet we have absolutely no qualms about their negative effects.

But Frog, are you high or something? (Yes.) Don’t you realize only potheads want to legalize Marijuana? Stop pushing your hippie propaganda on me!

In a report done by the total stoners over at the US Justice Department’s Drug Enforcement Administration, they found that:

“Nearly all medicines have toxic, potentially lethal effects. But marijuana is not such a substance. There is no record in the extensive medical literature describing a proven, documented cannabis-induced fatality. A smoker would theoretically have to consume nearly 1,500 pounds of marijuana within about fifteen minutes to induce a lethal response.”

But Frog, are you trigger happy? Don’t you realize only crazy rednecks with small penises own guns? I won’t stand for your support of right wing extremists who want to manipulate the judicial system for their own selfish desires.

“If we’re going to spend a lot of money to deal with the problem of 200 million guns in the country owned by 65 million gun owners, we ought to have a system which will work and catch criminals.” “If I were to select a jack-booted group of fascists who are perhaps as large a danger to American society as I could pick today, I would pick BATF [the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms].” “If you talk to any of my Democratic colleagues who lost that year, they would tell that gun control was one of the major contributory factors in the loss of their seats.”

Wait, “Democratic colleagues?”

You mean these quotes aren’t from someone on Fox News or the Tea Party?

Nope, that’s Congressman John Dingell from the great state of Michigan. The same man whose tremendous legacy has been bastardized by labels of “socialist” and other such names by people who didn’t agree with him on Health Care. Nothing tarnishes and unprecedented display of civic duty and patriotism like trying to help sick and injured Americans.

But I digress…

The reason Weed and Gun control are the same is because it’s a complete waste of time to try and prohibit people from obtaining something they WILL NOT live without.

People who like weed, LOVE WEED. People who like guns, LOVE GUNS.

This idea reigns true to the extent that both weed and guns have pretty much developed their own sub-cultures. If I tell you to think about a:

or a

The mental image is pretty easy to conjure.

In conclusion:

Weed and guns can both serve a purpose. They both have certain drawbacks, but the bottom line is people are adamant about possessing a gun and/or marijuana and NOTHING is going to stop them.

Why are we wasting our time and money trying to stop inevitable occurrences?

Any shady character who wants a gun, will find a gun and blow your brains out without a moment of hesitation. “Gun Control” isn’t going to put a stop to crazy fucks.

Any person who feels like they would like to get high, is going to find weed and smoke it. No “War on Drugs” is going to stop George and Fernando from blazing their minds out on the daily.

I’m not saying it’s right or that it’s my ideal version of the world, but weed and guns are the same because no matter what you do, you’re not going to stop them.

Just like me at after a couple of drinks.

Yes, that was a rape joke.