Brexiter excited to learn if Supreme Court justices are brave patriots or despicable traitors

Brexiter Derek Williams is closely watching developments at the Supreme Court, excited to learn whether the judges hearing the case on prorogation are wonderful patriots worthy of their role, or lickspittle traitors who should be hung.

The Supreme Court is hearing two appeals to determine whether Boris Johnson acted lawfully when proroging parliament earlier this month.

Williams, 57, who can definitely vote, told us, “Obviously Boris acted lawfully, because he’s the prime minister and so he can do what he likes. The fact these remoaners keeps going on about the laws shows they don’t care about sovereignty.

“I just hope the judges are patriots who can see the truth, and not liberal traitors who should go and live in the EU if they like it so much.

“What’s important in cases like this is that judges agree with me. I don’t care about the laws and stuff – just that they do what I think is the right thing. As long as I’m happy, I don’t care what anyone else thinks. And yes, that’s exactly how I believe a modern society should function.”

Meanwhile, the offices of the Daily Mail are currently preparing two front pages, one showing the victorious judges riding lions through Trafalgar square, the other with them locked up in the paedo wing of Wormwood Scrubs.

“We’re not sure which one we’ll have to run, obviously,” said sub-editor Jack Matthews.

“What’s important is that we deliver the news to the nation, and right now the decision on whether the independent judiciary on which this nation relies is full of heroes of paedos, depends very much on whether they agree with our editorial stance.”