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Fortnite Ban Under Consideration by Rowing Programs

A spate of mystery injuries and poor performances has led to a rash of Fortnite bans at rowing programs across the country. Everything from carpal tunnel, lack of sleep, overuse of brain enzymes needed for performance and concentration, and dorm room ant infestations have been blamed on the popular video game, which reached 250 million registered users in March 2019.

"Every minute on Fortnite is a minute where the heart rate tracker we watch around the clock is giving us false positives," said one coach while digging around for rigger parts dropped in the sand at Mission Bay over the weekend. "It's happening in the middle of the night, too, which is just weird. We're not even certain they're telling us the truth when they say they were playing Fortnite.

"Personally, I suspect they are making runs to the In-N-Out Burger," she said.