I debated with myself for the past week over whether I would watch the first debate between Tweedle-dumb and Tweedle-corrupt on Monday night. I knew it would be the equivalent of watching our society burn.

I did watch, however.

I watched, and it was all I envisioned and more.

Hillary Clinton is literally the most unlikable candidate to ever run for office. Her every word was plastic, contrived, and desperately lacked any genuine human emotion.

Her facial expressions, eye movements, even the way she held her mouth had me tensing up, as I waited for the skin to split and some grotesque alien life form to emerge and announce, “PEOPLE OF EARTH…”

On substance, she had a grasp of the issues being presented. The problem was, I disagreed with pretty much everything she was saying.

She’s an arrogant, corrupt Socialist, and our nation can’t afford her.

Then there was Trump.

Oh. My. God.

If there was ever any doubt that the man is completely unfit to lead, it should have been removed after last night.

I’ll give him credit for making some very good points about the economy during the first few minutes of the debate, but he couldn’t hang on for long. As the heat was turned up, he dissolved into a pool of his own inadequacy.

The twitching, the facial expressions, his constant interruptions… these were things that went over well during the primaries (for some bizarre reason), but he shouldn’t have expected it to be the same during the first general debate.

He was utterly unprepared and outclassed, by the one person that literally any other candidate would have been able to pick apart with ease, from beginning to end.

With all that, the spin from his surrogates has been deliciously pathetic.

Senator Jeff Sessions, in an after-debate interview said:

“If you think you’d be so good at it, you try it,” the senator told the Washington Post’s Dave Weigel.

I would, and I’d win. That’s the problem, Senator.

Sessions explained in comments to another reporter that Trump’s performance was a bit rocky because he “is not a smooth, slick politician.” In the end, when asked if Trump at least looked presidential, Sessions replied by saying, “I think so.”

Oh, bless his heart.

Governor Chris Christie offered his own take on MSNBC:

“Listen, I think you can always improve,” Christie said, referring toPresident Obama‘s disastrous first debate performance during the 2012 presidential election. “[Obama] was getting knocked all over the place by his own party for his performance in the first debate. In the second debate, you saw a difference,” Christie said. “That’s why they don’t only have one of these, they have three of them.”

He’s got a point. Trump can only get better from here. Barring a scenario where his head explodes on stage, it would be impossible to do worse.

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani really took home the prize, as far as bang-up post-debate delusions.

“He restrained himself from saying what I know he would have liked to have said, except for the fact that Chelsea Clinton was in the audience,” Giuliani said. “And that is that she enabled and supported a president who is a disgrace to the White House. He was one of two presidents impeached. He was impeached because he took advantage of an intern, an intern that she attacked for six months, and she claims to be a feminist.”

Well, for starters, the reasons for Bill Clinton’s impeachment had less to do with Monica Lewinsky and more to do with lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstruction of justice.

Also, that he restrained himself from going full Jerry Springer and babbling about the affairs of Hillary’s husband in the middle of a debate does not earn him a cookie. He got dangerously close to it, and that, in itself, is bad enough.

Republicans need to stop kidding themselves. This election was decided the moment Trump became nominee. It was beginning to look like he might have a shot there, but I suspect after last night, that’s done.

The worst part?

Even if he wins, we still lose.

Sweet Meteor of Death, oh, how we long for you!

SMOD ’16