Q: How do you guys manage long distance feelings and relationships? When is it considered not worth chasing?



A: By @gregasaurus,



Me: Just answer the question.

Shadow Me: Answer the question with several other questions that will fuck him up.

Sorry, the Shadow Me cannot be contained. But really, I think there are actually two ways of managing long distance relationships depending on the type that you’re finding yourself in.

Are the conversations stagnant? Do you resort to passive aggression to make a point? Do you feel like your efforts to maintain the relationship are not reciprocated? Those are the symptoms of emotional distance. This kind of distance can be tricky because you could be living with your significant other yet still feel like there are miles between the two of you. If your relationship has gone stale in this way, you need to rekindle the connection that brought the two of you together in the first place. Stop asking him about what he did today and instead ask about how you’d like to spend your time together. Relish in your shared interests and activities, and engage in them often. Don’t treat compliments and affectionate gestures with nonchalance—respond in kind to acknowledge and validate the vulnerability that is inherent in sharing feelings (especially for us Asians). This is a really tough situation to be in, but it’s salvageable if the effort is put in on both sides to make it so.

But hopefully you’re just physically distant—across the state, across the country, or even across the ocean. Luckily, physical distance has become less of a barrier over time thanks to technology. Want to hear from your boo? They’re just a call or a text message away. Want to see your boo? Jump on Skype and it’s like you’re talking in the same room. Want to feel your boo’s heartbeat? There’s a high-tech pillow for that. Want to feel your boo’s D? High-tech dildo (yes, really). Of course, technology is just a consolation prize—not a true substitution—for being close to your partner. And that distance can be agony, especially for those who thrive on physical touch and intimacy. The best way to mend this in my opinion is to fuck like rabbits when you are together.

Okay fine, I guess you should also be capitalizing on your emotional connection when you’re apart. Communicate openly, honestly, and often. Verbalize your affection in lieu of silent handholds or wistful glances from your side of the bed. Have e-dates where you Skype or FaceTime one another over dinner or while watching a movie. People often scoff that digital time spent together is less meaningful, but when your love for one another is obvious and reciprocated, when the feelings you share are palpable, time and space become irrelevant. To quote the film Interstellar, “Love isn’t something that we invented. It’s observable. Powerful. It has to mean something. Maybe it means something more, something we can’t yet understand. Maybe it’s some evidence, some artifact of a higher dimension that we can’t consciously perceive. Love is the one thing that we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space.”

And if you’re in the middle of that Venn diagram between emotional and physical distance—jump ship. It’s not worth the time or energy. There are plenty of other gay fish in the gay sea.

