I think, for me, the first time Brexit descended into a mindboggling absurdity was when I was stood on a boat, hired by Nigel Farage and Vote Leave, making its way down the Thames.

I was there on behalf of Sky News, who I worked for at the time, rather than for my own jollies, but nevertheless it was a hellfire. The idea behind the protest was to highlight the damage our membership of the EU has done to the UK fishing industry. We were met halfway by a bigger boat, captained by none other than Bob Geldof who was shouting obscenities at Farage via a megaphone. We were then met by another, smaller boat carrying Josh Widdicombe and Adam Hills from The Last Leg. The stuff of fever dreams.

It has seemed like with every passing news story covering Brexit it has become more absurd. The premature triggering of Article 50. May’s insistence that there wouldn’t be a general election before swiftly deciding to throw a general election. Plans to begin stockpiling food in case we eventually fall between the cracks of the EU and a post-Brexit deal.

Brexit casualties Show all 10 1 /10 Brexit casualties Brexit casualties Andrea Jenkyns - Resigned from Parliamentary Private Secretary at the ministry for housing, communities and local government role May 2018 - The Morley and Outwood MP said: “We want to see a new relationship with Europe, with a new model not enjoyed by other countries – nothing that leaves us half-in, half-out. “And in order to achieve this, we need to leave the customs union.” Ms Jenkyn’s also said she wished to dedicate more of her time to Parliament’s influential Exiting the European Union select committee, after a series of “unbalanced” reports produced by MPs PA Brexit casualties David Davis - Resigned from Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union role July 2018 - quit following a major row with May over her plans for post-Brexit relations with the EU. Davis resignation letter said: “As you know there have been a significant number of occasions in the last year or so on which I have disagreed with the Number 10 policy line, ranging from accepting the [European] Commission’s sequencing of negotiations, through to the language on Northern Ireland in the December Joint Report. “At each stage I have accepted collective responsibility because it is part of my task to find workable compromises, and because I considered it was still possible to deliver on the mandate of the referendum, and on our manifesto commitment to leave the Customs Union and the Single Market. “I am afraid that I think the current trend of policy and tactics is making that look less and less likely.” He went on to argue that the “general direction” of Ms May’s policies would leave the UK “in at best a weak negotiating position, and possibly an inescapable one”. AFP/Getty Brexit casualties Steve Baker - Resigned from Minister at the Department for Exiting the European Union role July 2018 - Mr Baker, a key Tory figure in the Leave campaign, was David Davis’s main lieutenant at Dexeu, and was hailed as ”courageous and principled” by other Brexiteer Tories as he also left. Reuters Brexit casualties Boris Johnson - Resigned from Foreign Secretary role July 2018 - resigned over May's Chequers plan. In his resignation letter to the prime minister, Mr Johnson said: "On Friday, I acknowledged that my side of the argument were too few to prevail and congratulated you on at least reaching a Cabinet decision on the way forward. "As I said then, the government now has a song to sing. "The trouble is that I have practised the words over the weekend and find that they stick in the throat." Reuters Brexit casualties Conor Burns - Resigned from Parliamentary Private Secretary to Foreign Secretary role July 2018 - A Brexit supporter who worked alongside Boris Johnson stated in his resignation letter: “I've decided it's time to have greater freedom. I want to see the referendum result respected. And there are other areas of policy I want to speak more openly on.” Rex Brexit casualties Chris Green - Resigned from Department for Transport role July 2018 - The Bolton West MP said: "Parliament overwhelmingly decided to give the decision of whether to leave or remain in the European Union to the British people and they made an unambiguous decision that we ought to leave. "I have always understood the idea in 'Brexit means Brexit' is that the final deal should be clear to me and my constituents - that we have, in no uncertain terms, left the European Union. Twitter Ads info and privacy "The direction the negotiations had been taking have suggested that we would not really leave the EU and the conclusion and statements following the Chequers summit confirmed my fears. "I recognise that delivering Brexit is challenging, however I had hoped at tonight's meeting that there would be some certainty that my fears were unfounded but, instead, they have been confirmed. "I have been grateful for the opportunity to serve as Parliamentary Private Secretary and it is with regret that I offer my resignation with immediate effect." PA Brexit casualties Maria Caulfield - Resigned from Conservative Party vice-chair for women role July 2018 - resigned over May's Chequers plan. Lewes MP warned that the direction of travel did “not fully embrace the opportunities that Brexit can provide”. Ms Caulfield said in her letter to the PM: “The policy may assuage vested interests, but the voters will find out and their representatives will be found out. This policy will be bad for our country and bad for the party. “The direct consequences of that will be prime minister Corbyn.” PA Brexit casualties Ben Bradley - Resigned from Conservative Party vice-chair for young people role July 2018 - resigned over May's Chequers plan. The Mansfield MP said: “I admit that I voted to Remain in that ballot. What has swayed me over the last two years to fully back the Brexit vision is the immense opportunities that are available from global trade, and for the ability for Britain to be an outward looking nation in control of our own destiny once again. “I fear that this agreement at Chequers damages those opportunities; that being tied to EU regulations, and the EU tying our hands when seeking to make new trade agreements, will be the worst of all worlds if we do not deliver Brexit in spirit as well as in name, then we are handing Jeremy Corbyn the keys to No10.” PA Brexit casualties Robert Courts - Resigned from Parliamentary Private Secretary role July 2018 - resigned over May's Chequers plan. MP Mr Courts said: “I have taken a very difficult decision to resign my position as [parliamentary private secretary] to express discontent with the Chequers [plans] in votes tomorrow. “I had to think who I wanted to see in the mirror for the rest of my life. I cannot tell the people of Woxon that I support the proposals in their current form.” Getty Brexit casualties Scott Mann - Resigned from Parliamentary Private Secretary role July 2018 - resigned over May's Chequers plan. "I fear elements of the Brexit white paper will inevitably put me in direct conflict with the views expressed by a large section of my constituents. I am not prepared to compromise their wishes to deliver a watered-down Brexit. "The residents of North Cornwall made it very clear that they wish to have control over our fishery, our agricultural policy, our money, our laws and our borders. I will evaluate those principles against the Brexit white paper and ensure that I vote in line with their wishes." Rex

As someone who likes to make jokes it’s been a bit of a goldmine. As someone who enjoys the fruits of a stable economy and planning for the future it’s been a nightmare.

Top satirist Armando Iannucci, responsible for such joys as The Thick of It and The Death of Stalin, has said in interviews about Brexit that he’s constantly asked to do a Thick of It Brexit edition. Speaking to The Independent last year, he said: “I point people to All Out War by Tim Shipman, a book I’ve been reading, which is a 600-page account of last year behind the scenes, and it’s sort of like a very well written and very well researched episode of The Thick of It, because it’s true, that’s the sad thing.”

And he has a point. It’s hard to satirise something that is already such a joke.

With Brexit, I have found the best way to get my head around it is by using metaphors. It’s hard to describe in a tangible way that isn’t just saying “it’s a s**tshow”, but likening it to another unfortunate event makes it easier.

For example: Brexit is like being the only child is a divorce when your parents say they just want what is best for you but they keep arguing over who gets to keep the summer home.

Without further ado, here is a quick cut-out-and-keep list of Brexit metaphors/similes/allegories/whatever the correct terminology for you to drop into conversation to make it seem like you are on top of proceedings, when in fact none of us is. Not even the prime minister.

Brexit is like when you decide to go through a fast food drive-thru and you get to the second window and realise that you’ve forgotten your wallet except now there is a car behind you and a car in front so you can’t get out.

Brexit is like when you go into a shop and take something to the till and it ends up being more expensive than you thought but you’re too awkward to say anything so you just end up paying over the odds for a bottle of wine you didn’t need anyway.

Brexit is like when your boyfriend says he’ll be home from work in time for dinner but actually he has gone to the pub with his workmates for a few hours and you’re sat at home like a chump.

Brexit is like when you lose your phone and you accuse everyone around you of stealing it before you discover that it was actually in the bottom of your bag the whole time but you’re too proud to say anything so you alienate a group of your friends with your false accusations.

Brexit is like being Dr Alex on Love Island and rejecting every woman that comes into the villa but kicking off when a woman rejects you.

Brexit is like sinking your fancy pants yacht because you don’t want “foreign” staff to be able to work on it.

Brexit is like crashing your brand new, souped-up car because you don’t like the directions the satnav is giving you.

Brexit is like when those people build outhouses in their garden except they didn’t ask for planning permission and the council find out and they have to knock the whole thing down just to ask for planning permission so they can build it again.

Brexit is like in Eurovision when we psych ourselves up for a win but then we have to sit there for an extended period of time while all the countries around us tell us we’re s**t.

Brexit is like when you’re at the dentist and the dentist in charge, who has all the dental knowledge, asks you a pertinent and important question but you can’t answer because said dentist has their fingers in your mouth.