I’m almost ashamed to write this because for fucks sake, it doesn’t even sound real anymore. I feel like I’m writing shitty rape fanfiction.

First things first, my period has gone sex nuts and retard strong. It’s almost normal, but not. Nothing to write home about, this will probably pass once I’m comfortable with my new boyfriend.

Moving on.

I was sexually harassed at work, actually touched inappropriately by this man more than once (and it was recorded on the security camera), threatened by sexually charged comments, asked incredibly inappropriate questions, shown lewd pictures, had disgusting gestures made towards me, told I didn’t need to “go to [vacation destination] just so I could have sex, I could stay right here, if you know what I mean”, and after the investigation closed, he gets to keep his job. Strike one.

When I asked if there was any way to separate us at work (like fucking kindergarteners), put on opposite sides of the building so I COULD FEEL SAFER AT WORK, I was told no, because it’s not fair to the other employees who “have problems with other team members”. Strike two.

He started creeping around after he was told he wasn’t allowed to talk to me about non-work related things while on the property, and he started spreading rumors about someone he used to be friends with was trying to get him fired with disgusting lies. I documented and reported, documented and reported. Was told it was hearsay and speculation, and that we needed to “get past this and learn to work together again”. STRIKE THREE.

HR had the audacity to tell me that she was the only person who had both sides of the “real story”, as though I wasn’t telling the whole truth. I told her that I had invited his flirting at first, but when I found out the man had a girlfriend, I backed off. Then it got creepy, and I asked him to stop. He told me he didn’t have a girlfriend and piqued my interest for about half a second before I kicked myself soundly in the head and realized what kind of situation I was in, I had to threaten to tell his girlfriend, who by the way, he was still with, that I would tell and show her everything if he didn’t stop (he did for a little while but started right back up, and I never made good on my threat). I could have fucked him every day of the entire time we worked together, but the moment I said “No” was the moment that it should have stopped, and I have that right.

I deserve better than this. I deserve to feel comfortable at work. I deserve to not have to work side by side with the man who has manipulated my emotions for the last few months.

I regret reporting this, I regret every minute of the last two months. I should have just switched departments and tried to move on with my life.

And now I fear for my own job. I’m scared that because I didn’t settle with the response that I got, that I’m fighting for my job, my sanity and self worth, that I will be terminated via some loophole, with no reference and no way to explain the year long gap in my resume.

Worse, my mom thinks I should take HR’s advice so I don’t lose my job. She asked me, “is it worth it?”

I thought it was, but apparently job security is more important than mental stability and worth as a woman, as a PERSON.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.