Newbie couples are telling us that it is not easy to befriend another couple in a swingers club and have sex with them. Many complain about too many single males. Others say that a lot of club members are just voyeurs (they just like to watch) or exhibitionists (those who just have sex with each other while being watched). We went through the same thing when we started swinging.

First of all, if you don’t want single men, go on a couples-only night, you’ll save yourself a lot of frustration and wasted time. Secondly, you are right, there are many voyeurs and exhibitionists in clubs. Learn how to recognize them and keep clear of them. Thirdly, lots of couples do go to swingers clubs to get laid but very few make the first move, even if they like you. It’s a strange but common phenomenon.

So, you finally got a baby-sitter, got all dressed up, got in an adventurous mood. The two of you parked and entered the club. The place is full, everybody is dancing, laughing and chatting, but nobody seems to pay attention to your gorgeous shapes. What to do? Some people think small talk helps ‘break the ice’, but this has rarely worked for us. Often we would find ourselves stuck in a small talk for half an hour, only to find out in the end that the couple we chatted with came there only to ‘look around’, because they are ‘curious’.

With experience, we have developed simple strategies that work REALLY well.

Trick #1. Skip the small talk, skip the endless dancing and hanging out by the bar, pretending you are having a fabulous time. Go straight to the playroom area. Occupy a room, sit on the bed, with the door open. Wait for early roamers. Usually couples who want action start making rounds into the play area pretty early, so there is a greater chance that they are looking for the same thing you are.

If they peek into your room and quickly say ‘Hi, sorry’ and disappear, they are not ready for action. However, if they look inside, see you, say hello and do not run away, they are probably interested! If you like what they look like, introduce yourselves, ask them directly what they are looking for. If they say they are there ‘just to look’, tell them you are looking for a couple and if they change their mind, they know where to find you. If they say they are looking for a couple, just ask them if they’d like to join you. At this stage of the conversation the most probable answer is ‘yes’. You close the door (or leave it open if you want to be watched or if you want other couples to join), and the action begins…

Trick #2. If you see a couple in action in a room, and the door is open, it means that they don’t mind visitors. We usually enter and establish whether we like what we see. If we do, I gently put my hand on the woman’s shoulder and wait for a reaction. If she looks up and smiles, or gives some other positive signal, it means ‘join us!’. If she looks up and shakes her head or says ‘no, thank you’, we leave them alone. It always works better if it’s me, and not the hubby who makes the first move. Both women feel safer that way.

Trick #3. You walk into a common playroom and want to join a couple who are already busy with each other, or a group. Observe them for a couple of minute to see if they are too absorbed by what they are doing or if they (or one of them) look around from time to time. Try to meet their eyes and smile. If they smile back, invitingly, they might want you to join! I gently approach and take the woman’s hand in mine and squeeze it lightly. If she responds in kind, it’s a go.

Trick #4. I like to dance and hubby doesn’t. (He always imagines how silly everyone would look if spectators did not hear the music and only saw the awkward moves of averagely skilled people.) As for me, I can dance for hours. So I leave hubby in a room and go on the dance floor, and within a few minutes I have company. One thing leads to another, and eventually I bring back a couple or two to the room… Works almost every time.

These are the fastest ways to avoid time-wasting traps in a swingers club and make the most out of your precious time. Try them and let me know how it worked for you…

To be fair, I must say that it is not always that we need to resort to these tricks. Often we get lucky and effortlessly run into a hot couple who appears to be looking for someone exactly like us.

Arranging a date with a new couple you met online at a swingers club is another great way to maximize quality time while you are in the club. We use the Events tool on fullofdesire.com to invite couples to meet us at our favorite club. We try to invite as many local matches as possible to ‘My Swinger Date’ event and we end up with a short list of two-three couples who RSVP. Out of those usually there are at least one or two that we click with… I should probably call this one our Trick #5.