Another thing about misandry: A lot of what weepy men cite as “misandry” isn’t women hating men. Its women not trusting men. That distrust is not irrational. It is learned. It is valid. Is it “fair”? That’s the wrong question to ask. Is it fair for women to be have been treated in a manner where they would not trust men?

When men try to police distrust and resentment born out of male privilege, we aren’t championing gender equality. We’re just furthering a culture of disenfranchisement. We are saying that women don’t even get to have control over how they feel living in a society that demeans and oppresses them. We earn that mistrust and we earn that resentment.

No, it might not always be “fair”. But it is on us, as those with privilege, to respect that resentment. To not try to police it. We are not entitled to trust. We must earn it. And you know something? Some will never give it to us. No matter how good and noble we try to be, some will always distrust and resent us for our privilege.

AND THEY GET TO.

Because this isn’t about what’s fair to us. This is about the inequities done in the name of our gender. This is about what’s fair to them. And frankly, in a patriarchal society where power is systematically denied to women to favor men, it is more than fair for women to be angry, fed up, and unforgiving. Same goes for all systems of privilege. The privileged may feel entitled to police the outrage and emotions of those oppressed by privilege. But that’s bullshit.