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“Step aside” declares local stone and tile salesman, Daniel Di Marco (38).

It’s still the early stages of a Friday night dinner party, and Daniel isn’t even the host. But he has a unique skillset that he doesn’t get to show off that often, and it is his ethnic duty to lend himself to the preparation of tonight’s feast.

Daniel’s mate Eric, who is actually hosting tonight’s event, gives very little resistance to this spectacle – knowing full well that if Daniel gets enough momentum, he’ll like clean the kitchen after as well.

Daniel is just one of many sleeper cell Italians in his greater social circle, but given his strong relationship with his Nonna, it’s him doing the hard yards tonight.

With the wives and girlfriends currently marvelling at his worldliness, Daniel begins to ramp up the theatrics.

“Hey mate can you chuck me those tinned tomatoes” he shouts at the only guy in the kitchen that he hasn’t met before, in the ultimate alpha move.

With his hands outstretched like a 3rd slip, Dan quickly flicks a tea towel over his shoulder and grabs the can opener while two cans are travelling through the air in slow mode, before taking a catch with one hand.

He quickly spins on his feet, before spinning on his heels back to the chopping board, and doing that way too far speed dicing that they do in the cooking shows.

Daniel now has three pots on the stove and a leg of lamb in the oven, he has spent the last two hours sampling the flavour of all four intermittently.

As the last guest arrives with the wine, Daniel takes a break from the kitchen and walks immediately to the brown paper bag of bottles to inspect their labels.

“Mmm. This is a good one” he says.

MORE TO COME.