“We believe soccer isn’t just for Gay and Lesbian people,” stated league commissioner Don Garber. “But as well, it is for Baptists, Catholics, Protestants and … um… others.”

Sources within the league indicate that the executive committee of MLS felt that their previous “don’t cross the line” campaign was too restrictive in keeping them from crossing the line.

“They felt that Don’t Cross The Line meant that they couldn’t partner with a restaurant that literally donates money to organizations that teach an anti-lgbtq message,” stated one anonymous MLS staff member.

League sources indicate that the executive committee and Don Garber see no problem with Chick-fil-A’s $1,653,416 donation to the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, a religious organization that requires its employees to refrain from “homosexual acts”.

Garber himself stated that the league would donate a sum of money from games during the month of June to the Paul Anderson Youth Home, a Christian residential home that teaches young boys that same-sex marriage is a “rage against Jesus Christ and His values” as Chick-fil-A did in 2017.

“It’s important for our brand to be aligned for our sponsors and this Paul Anderson Youth Home sounds just lovely! Who doesn’t love youths and homes,” stated Don Garber.

For their part, the restaurant plans to use the sponsorship of Major League Soccer to make more money off the backs of gay and lesbian community that it so desperately seems to want to stamp out.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as this probably actually happens.





