Never forget!

Pennsylvania Rep. Mike Kelly (R), an ardent opponent of abortion rights, said that today's date would live in infamy alongside those two other historic occasions. Wednesday marked the day on which a controversial new requirement by the Department of Health and Human Services, which requires health insurance companies to cover contraceptive services for women, goes into effect. "I know in your mind you can think of times when America was attacked. One is December 7th, that's Pearl Harbor day. The other is September 11th, and that's the day of the terrorist attack," Kelly said at a press conference on Capitol Hill. "I want you to remember August the 1st, 2012, the attack on our religious freedom. That is a day that will live in infamy, along with those other dates."

Ah yes. No one will ever forget the day the terrorists hijacked planes and forced everyone to take birth control pills. Obviously, we're going to need a memorial to commemorate this instantly will-live-in-infamy day, The Day The Freedom Died

Let's lower the flags to half mast while we're at it. And can we get a national moment of silence too for all the fallen eggs and sperm that will never fulfill their destiny to turn into little pink-swaddled fetuses? The only real question is where the memorial should be built. No doubt Fox "News" will have a special panel tonight to discuss the important lessons of this fateful day, the day that women across America were allowed to use their health insurance to pay for basic preventive health care that saves lives—and also a lot of taxpayer dollars.

Pearl Harbor, 9/11, and now Aug. 1—the day we became a nation of sluts. Never forget.

