Bentley used last week’s Paris motor show to reveal first details of its new flagship, the Mulsanne Speed, along with surprising news that it has been developed by a 23-year-old unemployed bloke called Lee from Northwich.

‘Our engineers are really busy developing the new SUV,’ admitted Bentley spokesman Ben Tleespo-Ksmann. ‘So we had to outsource this job and we thought, who knows more than anyone about turning an ordinary car into a really sporty one? The answer is of course those blokes who hang around the car park of Halfords in Crewe. So we asked one of them to sort it. The end result looks amazing, sound amazing, and smells quite strongly of McDonald’s and weed.’

The Mulsanne Speed can be distinguished from lesser models by its single Viper stripe, its deep windscreen sunstrip and by its front bumper which comes in a distinctive raw fibreglass colour because the owner hasn’t got round to having it painted. As a finishing touch, the bootlid carries a badge that reads ‘Sport’ which is carefully applied at approximately 1.2 degrees off perfectly horizontal.

Inside, the highly polished burr walnut dashboard has been covered in stick-on carbon fibre effect wrap, the seats belts are thoughtfully covered in a fake harness pads whilst in-car entertainment is taken care of by a Ripspeed DVD740 RDS radio, CD and DVD player with motorised fold-out screen.

Under the bonnet the Speed boasts an aftermarket air filter which Lee assures Bentley is worth ‘an extra 50bhp, easy’, especially when combined with the chrome backbox and single 5” diameter tailpipe. Owners looking under the bonnet are sure to appreciate the attention to detail and in particular the stick-on chrome lettering on the engine cover which reads, ‘BNETLEY’. Chassis-wise, the Speed benefits from being ‘slammed’ to the floor and is said to have been tested extensively on the Ring road around Crewe town centre.

The company has yet to announce a price for the Mulsanne Speed but, given the amount of work that has gone into it, a Bentley insider warns it will be ‘well expensive’.