Warning: It’s long.

The representation of queer love stories among main characters in media is incredibly limited and it’s been a relatively recent phenomena in the rare cases it’s told. Sure, you’ve got your But I’m a Cheerleader’s here and there. But for the most part, these are love stories that simply aren’t shown. It’s not to say heterosexual romances aren’t compelling or enjoyable; of course they are. But there are also certain common tropes, or at the very least “signals” that we are used to seeing portrayed: the contentious banter, the light touches, the puppy-dog eyes. Take Firefly…Mal grabs Inara’s shoulder for 4 seconds in the pilot episode and it was one of the most charged moments on TV. We all knew what was up without any context or qualification.

But with queer romance, it’s different. It’s not necessarily more subtle, but most of us aren’t used to looking for these signals, or the signals get misinterpreted. This is especially true of relationships between two women, because in our society, women in platonic friendships still tend to show some kind of physical affection with one another…hugging, hand-holding, etc., which is behavior that we typically don’t see between two men in a platonic relationship. There’s also the stereotype of women being “more emotional” and prone to talk about their feelings with one each other, so for many, a romantic relationship between two women may not look dissimilar to a close friendship. And even when clear romantic cues happen to be there, most of us are inclined to write it off as just a friendship, because of the unlikeliness of canonized queer romances.

Korrasami is no different. This is what Bryan was getting at, when he said that people who felt the love story was just “thrown in” or “not developed” may have been watching with a “hetero lens.” I personally don’t think it’s even indicative of that…it’s just that the perceived improbability of a canon Korrasami may have clouded viewers to the very well-scripted romantic arc. Even I was guilty of this; while I certainly began shipping the two in S3 (declaring that their ship was sailing after that finale even), I still strongly felt it would remain in the realm of subtext. I don’t think it’s as simple as heterocentrism; there’s a lot of really complicated factors in our society that may cause us to overlook or downplay the likelihood of a romantic arc between two women.

But with Korrasami, damn the norm. Those signals that were there for a reason. This was the endgame, and it sounds like an endgame that was at least decided on before Season 3’s production. It was also an endgame based on characterizations, meaning that it grew organically from the show’s earlier narrative, and was the natural conclusion for Korra and Asami. Books 1 and 2 may have had some issues, but the personalities and actions at play are not inconsistent with the end we were shown in Book 4. In other words, this was not fan-service nor was it out of character for either Korra or Asami.

So let’s talk about the writing of the romance itself. Many point to the fact that they weren’t allowed to show us explicit Korrasami, so that’s why it may have felt “out of the blue.” Well sure, that’s part of it. But honestly, the way the story was scripted, I think it’s realistic if Korra and Asami’s first kiss didn’t come until after they stepped into the light (or at least until after Kuvira’s downfall).

Now, gender dynamics in our society are certainly different than in the Avatar-verse. But I would argue that same-sex relationships are not the norm there. We really aren’t shown any others, for one, and we also get certain gendered practices, evidenced by Korra saying stuff like, “I’m pretty sure the guy is supposed to give the girl the betrothal necklace.” I am of the mind that the Avatar-verse is far more accepting than our society is, but I still think that there is a kind of assumption of heterosexuality, just probably based what is common to see.

When heterosexuality is viewed as the norm, you are kind of raised assuming that’s how it’s going to be for you. There might be some very self-reflective individuals who understand their capacity to be attracted to other genders than the assumed early on, but that seems to be rare. More-so, sexual attraction is really hard to determine in a void. As I’ve said time and time again, we are attracted to individuals, not demographics. So while you may have a predisposition to challenge societal assumptions about your partners, it’s not like you can just wake up one day with the knowledge of “hey, I’m attracted to men!”…no more than you can suddenly understand “hey, I’m attracted to blonds!” Chances are, you’d meet a person to whom you feel attracted, who happens to be a man or a blond.

Anyway, cutting off this tangent about the nuances of my postmodernism, the point I am trying to make is that it takes someone with whom you feel a chemistry to put your desires in context. So for most, you date the people you assume make sense for you to date until/unless someone comes along that challenges this. That was the point I’ve tried to make about Asami dating Mako. In many ways it looked like a tepid relationship, but he was a guy and there was no real reason for Asami to not date him. He was a pro-athlete, single, cute…so why not? But her feelings for Korra were likely more intense, and she probably felt some kind of tension there from the beginning (this is my interpretation).

On Korra’s end, I think she and Mako definitely had a spark, but I’m willing to bet she had one with Asami too, she just didn’t recognize it for what it was: sexual tension. Because we’re taught that we will grow up and date the opposite gender, often times crushes on someone of the same gender can be confusing. For me, I had boyfriends in high school, but there were certain girls who would “make me feel weird.” I didn’t understand what it was at the time, and I just thought that they were super cool and that maybe I admired them a bit. I think it’s clear from Korra’s behavior that she admired Asami, at least beginning in 1x07. And even when Korra was trash-talking her to the airkids in 1x05, she referred to Asami as “pretty.”

One of my friends was talking about Korrasami, and said that while she didn’t think the romantic aspect “came out of nowhere” because their emotional connection was clearly built up for two seasons, it felt like in terms of physical closeness, there was nothing there until the very last scene. I’m under the assumption that this why many people may view the romance as “bad writing”…that Korrasami as shown to us in Books 3 and 4 could easily just be a good ol’ friendship, with the exception of the last scene. I disagree, and here’s where I’m [finally] going to directly defend the writing, as well as get a little bit personal. Bear with me.

I was 19 when I first fell in love with a girl, and it wasn’t until a year later that anything came of it. At the time, I was in a long-term relationship with my second serious boyfriend. As I hinted at above, I assumed I was straight and ignored/didn’t understand some major tension I had with girls in high school. It’s not that I didn’t like the guys I dated…I did. But it was not really a love-connection (I think few high school relationships are). Throughout my time in high school, there was always at least one girl around whom I’d feel inexplicably nervous or “weird.” I kind of knew what it meant, but wasn’t self-reflective enough to get it, or explicate my feelings in any constructive way.

I met the first girl I fell in love with at the start of my sophomore year of college. We clicked and had an instant connection, but remained nothing but friends for a full year. Our friendship grew and she definitely became my emotional confidante (and vice versa I think), but it just…it takes a lot to shake out of viewing the dynamic as platonic. We have such ingrained societal assumptions about desire, so that even though you may want to very much kiss the human in front of you, there’s almost an invisible barrier of some kind.

From my (limited) experience, figuring out sexual intrigue with someone of the opposite gender is almost immediately done through touch, testing the boundaries, seeing what gets reception. This is what tends to be depicted in television and movies. With someone of the same gender, it’s much more complicated. It takes a lot of wading through emotional closeness to attempt that physical level, especially when the context is both parties still figuring out their attraction (as was the case with me and Girl, and as was the case with Korrasami). And even then, because women can touch each other without it being homoerotic in the way that men usually can’t, things can be misinterpreted. Yeah, you can feel the tension, just like you can with the opposite gender, but there’s so much more second-guessing involved, it’s nuts. And at the same time this person has probably become your best friend, so there’s an inherent hesitancy there.

For me, I didn’t realize what was going on until the girl flat out told me (after 9 months of us weirding around each other) “hey, I think I might be interested in women.” Then something in my mind just clicked. Almost immediately after she said this, we left for a summer break (3 months, not 3 years, so I shouldn’t complain). Within a month of returning to school, we were physically intimate. As soon as that inexplicable barrier was broken, it was shattered, and though it was jarring/shocking for some of our friends to see us go from “nothing” to that, it felt totally organic…actually drawn-out from my perspective.

This is why Korrasami made so much sense to me, and probably why I still find it so gripping. Yes, the Book 3 and 4 narrative showed two girls developing into best friends. But it was so much more than that too. I think it’s clear Asami had a crush on Korra from the start. But until Mako was firmly in both of their pasts, there wasn’t really a good opportunity for her to flirt with Korra (though she definitely tested the waters in 1x07). Cue the start of Book 3 where we have Asami really flirting, and then Korra in turn being really happy to be around Asami every step of the way, even doing bizarre things to impress her (like nearly killing Mako).

I do think Korra, for her part, wasn’t self-aware of her own feelings until the 3 year gap, when she had time to realize what she was missing and the emotional significance of their relationship. She also had time to reflect on Asami’s obvious romantic gestures that came at the end of Book 3 and the 4x02 flashback, where Asami offered to drop everything to go to the South Pole. Feelings for someone of the same gender can be really confusing and not immediately obvious to the person experiencing them. A lack of explicit romantic action does not mean a lack of sexual tension or flirting. It just means that things are a lot more subtle, a lot more slowly built, and the people involved tend to be a bit more guarded because of the second-guessing that comes with it.

Hell, I could go through and point out every single flirtatious gesture between them, and every moment that showed their blossoming romance, but I’ve kind of done that, as have others. I’ve even tried to call attention to the exceedingly subtle moments. These moments were consciously scripted the entire time through the last two seasons. Korrasami was even foreshadowed in Books 1 and 2 at times (though it may well have been unintentional), likely because these two characters are kind of perfect for each other, which is why the relationship grew so organically. And it’s a delight to go back through and look for the subtle signals that may have been missed.

What’s also clear to me is that Korrasami was firmly beyond friendship territory by the end of Book 3. Asami’s reaction to Korra’s almost-death coupled with Korra’s most emotionally poignant scene being Asami clasping Korra’s hand and saying she was there for her for “anything” was when this pushed well out of the friend-zone. Asami was basically confessing her love. Korra, being completely mentally and physcially broken, was in no place to reciprocate it. But by 4x02, we saw that change, evidenced by Korra’s very deliberate choice to write to only Asami, confessing her fears, and saying that Asami was the only one who would “understand.” That kind of emotional bond is rare, and when taken along with the subtle flirting and the amazing teamwork, it makes it clear that it’s a love story. And once they’re finally around each other again? They’re flirting overtly (and blushing), they’re spatting in front of a bemused Mako, and they’re wordlessly working in perfect synchronization. They’re also offering reciprocal emotional support, as we see Asami give Korra in 4x08 and Korra give Asami in the finale.

I think many are also inclined to view the Korrasami scenes as discrete moments. “Oh, hand-holding doesn’t mean it’s a romance.” “I compliment my friends all the time!” Look at the full narrative. This is a slowly building love, and one that isn’t going to include the same kind of cues that you’re used to seeing. You can’t separate Asami’s hairbending in 3x01 from her offer to guard Korra’s body in 3x11. You can’t separate their teamwork when fighting the motorcycle gang in 3x03 from their teamwork when tracking down Wu in 4x07.

The narrative works. The narrative is consistent. And above all, it is shockingly realistic. I think it makes sense that it took people by surprise. But what mystifies me is the push-back against it. Just because you didn’t see it coming doesn’t make it “bad.” I’ve had my expectations subverted with literature and media plenty of times. My reaction is to go back and look for the signs along the way. In the case of Korrasami, the signs are there, they’re clear, and they flow seamlessly into both characters’ arcs without disrupting or derailing the narrative.

Think about how much Books 3 and 4 had going on in them in general. To realize that one of the best, most transgressive love stories of our time was being told in addition to the already powerful and action-packed story? It’s beautiful. And it’s great writing.