Ellen Degenerate

Ellen is racist. Ellen is homophobic. And it’s your job to point it all out.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last week you would have heard that noted white supremacist, Ellen Degeneres, has been taken to task for sparking “outrage” by tweeting out an image of herself riding Usain Bolt like an unpaid mule.

From what I can tell, this entire media circus revolves around literally two or three tweets from Buttfuck McNobody accounts. Seriously, I looked up that MikeAllen_47 account, you know the one that’s cited in every single one of the 800 media stories written about this pivotal moment in human history? 160 followers, and some of those likely picked up after having the global spotlight shined on him.

Look, all I’m saying is that we could, at any time we chose, stop pretending like what some random dipshit gets upset about on Twitter is newsworthy. It’s just a thought, just a suggestion, do with it what you will.

Having said all that, and having finally seen the meme for myself, I can sort of see why some people would have considered it a bit offside.

Stay Classy, Ellen

When [Current Year] Goes Wrong

Former substitute drama teacher and consummate timekeeper, Justin Trudeau, is catching holy hot hell from feminists over a condescending and belittling remark he’s only gone and made about Canada’s female Olympians.

“It is 2016 so it means that our girls are doing extraordinarily well,” Trudeau said, invoking his oft-cited reason for appointing a gender-equitable cabinet. “We’ve got a great Olympic team and all of Canada is incredibly behind them.”

Oh. No. He. Didn’t. Can you spot the gaff? That’s right, he referred to them as girls. Personally, I’m not sure if calling for impeachment procedures would be out of order at this juncture.

“It’s part of a broader problem” in the world of sports, said Kathryn Trevenen, acting director of the University of Ottawa’s Institute of Feminist and Gender Studies. “The idea that men are serious, they pursue business and sport; girls are just having fun. I think that language is directly related to [how] women are always seen as less serious and less significant.”

While Trudeau couldn’t be reached directly for comment, one member of his staff responded that “That Trevenen bitch should show a little more respect if she doesn’t want to catch a taste of the people’s elbow.”

Predatory Queer Tacos

Autostraddle.com, a website which bills itself as an intelligent, hilarious & provocative voice and a progressively feminist online community for a new generation of kickass lesbian, bisexual & otherwise inclined ladies, had to take down a review they published of Seth Rogan’s new comedy, Sausage Party.

It seems like many readers took issue with the writers glowing interpretation of Salma Hayek’s character. In the interest of disclosure, and I guess to prove that publishing the review was a decision the editors agonized over, a full transcript of a chat was published along with the take down notification that included such titillating discourse as “is the reviewer white?”, “i hope it’s not transmisogynistic” and “it’s meant for stupid fucking men”.

But what really tickled my pickle about this story was the explanation of the take down itself. Please, dear readers, feast your eyes on what may possibly be my favorite paragraph ever written:

After we published the review, we heard from Latinx [sic] readers who believe the portrayal of Salma Hayek’s taco was racist and that it reinforced harmful stereotypes. We heard from readers who were upset that we labeled the taco a lesbian when it seems more likely that she was bisexual. We heard from readers who questioned the consent of the sexual encounter between the taco and the hot dog bun. We heard from readers who found the taco to be a damaging portrayal of a predatory queer woman.

I have to admit I almost want to see this movie now. I mean, that sounds like one subversive motherfucking taco.

Man Banned From Princeton

As in the word, ‘man’. And ok, it’s not so much banned as it is frowned upon. The College Fix reports on a new directive from the ivy league school aimed at making the campus more gender neutral. One could almost say, the man is policing speech on campus. Ba-dum-ching!

Guidelines include advice such as: use spouses or partners instead of “man and wife”, switch out “man made” with artificial, handmade or manufactured, don’t use the verb “to man,” as in to work something, throw out workmanlike and replace it with skillful.

John Cramer, Princeton’s director of media relations, said “these are guidelines issued by HR, developed in cooperation with Institutional Equity Planning Group for communication and job postings. Students are not mandated to follow this policy.”

Wait a second? Did you just say…mandated? Wow. So fucking triggered right now I can’t even. Hella insensitive, Cramer. Hella insensitive.

Sex Banned Man Homeless

Back in January we brought you the story of John O’Neill, a man whom, after being acquitted by a judge on charges of rape, and therefore not found guilty of any crime, was given a Sexual Risk Order which required him to notify police 24 hours in advance of engaging in sexual activity. Well, in a not so heartwarming update on that draconian story, John is now homeless as the order includes other measures which have made it impossible for him to find employment.

“There’s enough to live, enough to survive,” he said, referring to his living arrangements, but added: “Obviously the circumstances are far less than ideal.” Mr O’Neill told the BBC in July that he had lost contact with his children since the order was imposed.

RIP due process.

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