Six Things Deadlier Than A Crust Punk

Most people think that crust punks are dangerous creatures. Their abrasive looks often come across as threatening to people. Truth is they are rather passive and only attack when provoked. Here is a list of six things that are deadlier than a crust punk.



1.) Cops – As children we are taught to trust men with mustaches, but more and more we are seeing videos of police brutality in our country, often fatal. The only thing crust punks are guilty of killing are the backwash of unfinished beers. A.C.A.B. All crusties are benign.

2.) Corporations – Corporate greed has been devastating our environment for decades. Many animal species are now either endangered or extinct. You will never need to worry about a crust punk getting a job that has any global impact whatsoever. Apathy and face tattoos have prevented that from ever happening.

3.) Government – America’s military industrial complex has been claiming thousands of lives all over the world. If you have been to any DIY run show you will realize crust punks completely lack the organizational skills required for global warfare.

4.) Religion – How many people have been killed in the name God in the history of mankind? The answer is a fuckload! Say what you want about nihilism, it’s hard to carry out murder in it’s name. A.G.A.B. (All Gods Are Bastards)

5.) Parents – Although your parents most likely have never killed anyone, your parents will be responsible for killing several good times in your lifetime. And while the crust punk is vulnerable to one day becoming a parent, until that day comes, FUCK YOU DAD!!!!!!!

6.) The general vicinity of a crust punk – This could potentially be deadlier than all the previous examples combined. From any piece of furniture a crust punk has sat or rested on, to the air in the immediate area of where a crust punk is. Chances are there is some sort of bacteria or microbe that can prove deadly if ingested or inhaled. The next super germ that will annihilate the human race will most likely originate from a crust punks rat tail.

Photos by Elvert Barnes, ccho, BKL, David Swift, John Westrock, Matt Carrol