There is a clear definition of failing at “game”, or not living up to the proper standards of a man. It does not involve getting laid X number of times, having the most beautiful girlfriend in your city, or other unattainable, outcome-dependent goals. Failure in this sense is allowing opportunities to pass you by; or to be socially oblivious to the signs she’s interested in you. This is something you can directly change for the positive, and if you don’t–you’re in trouble.

This is because failing in this area means losing the vast majority of opportunities with women, and probably even pissing a lot of girls off who are otherwise trying to get with you. In my life, there was a time when I was socially oblivious to the signals that girls sent to me. When I was 20 / 21, I remember a beautiful girl in my apartment complex with incredible eyes, always trying to invite me out to some type of campus outing. I never paid much attention to her because, of all things, I believed she wasn’t serious and I wasn’t worthy! This is because of years of brainwashed behavior and a lack of confidence.

Today, things are different. I can immediately pick up on signals, and I never let opportunities pass me by. The only time I ever felt like I’ve “failed” at game is back when I was stupid enough to ignore the signals of women, although even today sometimes I’ll still miss an opportunity and smack myself in the face for it after. It happens to everybody, so just don’t make it into an ongoing habit.

To prevent yourself from making these egregious mistakes, I’ve created a complete list of IOI’s (Indicators of Interest) that women may present at any time, plus some analysis—including how you should respond.

Indicator of Interest 1: Playing With Her Hair

There’s a bunch of evolutionary psychobabble about why girls do this; related to our primate ancestors who would comb themselves to show they are ready to be groomed by a male ape. Whether this is true or not, women tend to touch their hair while they talk to guys they like; and it may just be a result of a girl becoming self-conscious of her hair because she wants the guy to be attracted to her, and she subconsciously fixes her appearance. What to Do: Keep talking to her, because she likes you and is attracted at that moment. Take her hand in yours or touch her on the shoulder.

Indicator of Interest 2: Face Close to Yours

Here’s a clear signal a girl is turned on: her face is near yours, by even an inch closer than “normal”. If this occurs in a nightclub, it means she wants you to kiss her. What to Do: if it’s a club, then kiss her! If it’s on a date, then push it by drawing closer and figuring out where her comfort level is, and kiss her if she allows you to come into her airspace and there’s clear chemistry.

Indicator of Interest 3: She’s Talking to You

Yes, this is an IOI! If a girl is going out of her way to initiate conversation with you, it’s because she enjoys your company and is trying to get you stay around. What to Do: Keep the conversations going, and spike it with some fun or exciting topics related to love, sex and romance.

Indicator of Interest 4: She’s Touchy, Feely

This is when a girl runs up to you, hugs you, grabs your arm a lot, and so forth. This is an invitation. If you don’t respond to this with at least a bit of sexual intent, you may be hurdled into the friend zone vortex of death. What to Do: Respond to the touch: spin her around, pull her close to you, aim for close face-to-face proximity, and if she allows that, then kiss her.

Indicator of Interest 5: She Asks What You’re Doing Later

Sometimes a girl will ask this out of the blue, and as a socially unintelligent guy my thought used to be “Why is she asking this question?” and I’d respond with some dumb shit. In reality, she’s asking you this because she wants you to ask her out with you right then and there, or she wants to go home with you. What to Do: Assume she wants to hook up with you, so say “Well I’m going to chill at my place, I don’t have any problems if you come by after 8 I suppose.”

Indicator of Interest 6: Proximity

This is when a stranger walks up to you and stands close to you, even while she’s facing her friends and chatting with them. This is rarely unintentional. What to Do: Touch her shoulder, lean over and ask how her night is going, or introduce yourself.

Indicator of Interest 7: She Hands You Her Drink to Sip

Seen this one more than a few times, and it’s interesting: what she’s doing is breaking the “cootie barrier” and showing how she’s comfortable getting intimate with you. Don’t ignore it. What to Do: If it’s a sucker, lollipop or food, it means she wants to make out with you. If it’s a drink, it’s a bit more subtle, but I’d respond by putting my arm around her waist and keeping it there, escalating the physical sexual tension a bit, and eventually aim to kiss her. Also, keep sharing that drink back and forth!

Indicator of Interest 8: She Brightens Up When You Approach Her

As you approach multiple women in a venue: the ones who seem to “shut down” as you approach them will generally waste your time and remain icy to your company. But, sometimes you’ll meet a girl and her eyes will go wide and she’ll be really happy to meet you. This means various subliminal, psychic connections somehow made you guys a “match” and she immediately expressed it. What to Do: Do NOT sever the conversation. Push forward. This is her invite to talk to her.

Indicator of Interest 9: She’s Qualifying Herself

When a woman is “giving away her value” by trying to explain how she’s a good girlfriend, a good lover, a good person to date—then what she’s doing is expressing her interest to get romantically involved with you, and she views you as the selector—a high value male. What to Do: If you DO like her in return (and that’s a big “if”!) then express how you like the qualities she’s insecure about, and then—you guessed it, take things to the next level by escalating the touch and hopefully kissing her sooner than later.

Indicator of Interest 10: She Smiles at You

What motivation does a woman have to smile at a guy if it’s not because she’s attracted to him in some way? There is none! A smile is like a cry for help—she sees you, wants to initiate something, but doesn’t know how. What to Do: You could say “I like your smile, I’m X X, what’s your name?” or any other type of direct approach. In this case, you have to be aggressive, or else the smiling girl on the street will quickly pass you by. So be FAST!

In Closing

The important thing to remember is that you can’t force a woman to feel attracted to you and to begin expressing these signs she’s interested. The mistake a lot of men make is that they think they can “win” a girl by repeatedly beating the drum with “pickup techniques” until she starts to warm up. In reality, repeated studies have shown that women determine if they like you within seconds of meeting you. Only sometimes will they warm up after a date or after they have spent more time with you, but more often than not if there’s no signals at first, then there won’t be anything later on.

If at any point a girl begins showing these signs she’s interested in you, then do NOT make the mistakes I used to make—do not ignore them or second-guess them. Always act on them. Doing anything less would be betraying your own integrity.

Finally, keep in mind the best way in the world to meet women is to look for these signals as early as possible, and then stick with the girls who like you. Wasting your time with people who feel mediocre about your presence will not accomplish anything for anybody.