Why My Anxiety Reduced When I Accepted I Was An Introvert

and stopped trying to be an extrovert.

Photo by Matthew Fournier on Unsplash

“People empty me. I have to get away to refill.” ~ C. Bukowski

The terms introvert and extrovert aren’t something I have ever paid much attention to. But saying that I have always been confused why some people find it so easy to be outgoing and spend time with others when I struggle with those things so much.

It was only in recent years I learnt the meaning of being an introvert or an extrovert. For those of you who don’t know, an introvert is someone who recharges by spending time alone usually in solitude whilst extroverts are people who gain their energy from spending time with others.

I found this very profound as I had never looked at it this way before and it made me realise that I had been an introvert all along.

Now I don’t think anyone is solely one or the other. An introvert can have extrovert qualities and vice versa. Anyone can fall on the scale at any point.

I have talked a lot about not living authentically for a long time and living as someone I am not. Part of finding out who I am was accepting I am more of an introvert at heart and I don’t need to try and be an extrovert. It isn’t who I am and I don’t need to force it upon myself anymore.

Through this journey, my anxiety has greatly improved and I wanted to share with you the three reasons why my anxiety has improved when I accepted I was introvert and I stopped trying to be an extrovert.

I Started Living Authentically

My mother is an extrovert and she pushed me and my brother to be the same but we were just never that way inclined. She could never understand why we wanted to spend time alone and berated us for it. We have both ended up spending most of our lives trying to live up to our mother’s absurd expectations and for me, I felt very resentful for not being accepted for who I am.

Finally, in recent years I stopped trying to live up to those expectations and accepted who I was and although I still face backlash I am much happier for it. In doing so my anxiety reduced significantly.

My anxiety like most peoples comes from a range of different places. One of those places was the stress and pressure I felt every day of trying to live as someone I wasn’t. This goes much bigger than trying to be an introvert but it applies all the same that I wasn’t living authentically in almost every aspect of my life.

Living authentically is living life according to the direction and manner YOU decide, based on YOUR thoughts and preferences–NOT based on the thoughts, preferences, choices, or opinions of others.

It wasn’t easy to start living authentically. I was conditioned to live a certain way generally dictated by the people around me. I had to change the people I was surrounded by in order to start living the way I wanted to without judgement. I needed space to nurture the person I wanted to be. I needed time to try new things and give up old things.

Through living authentically I found myself and reduced the stress, anxiety and depression in my life significantly.

I Put Myself in Fewer Anxiety-Inducing Situations

Extroverts are always seemingly on the go. When you spend time with an extrovert they always have something to do or at least want to do something and you usually always end up being involved in those plans.

I use to think this was great because I didn’t want to spend time in my own head dealing with all the problems I had going on. But at the same time, most of these things made me really anxious.

Rather than deal with being unable to be alone with my own thoughts and feelings and standing up for myself I went along trying my utmost to enjoy myself with this crippling anxiety following me in every situation I found myself in.

This is a good place to point out you shouldn’t run from the things that make you anxious instead you should challenge the anxiety and not let it control you.

However, if you don’t want to be doing something that is causing you anxiety then there is nothing stopping you from saying this isn’t serving me, I have no interest in being here and then doing something you are interested instead. Not all anxiety needs to be worked through and dealt with. Sometimes it is trying to tell us something genuine.

Accepting I was an introvert and living more authentically I stopped going along with my friends and doing the things I didn’t want to do all the time.

Sure I occasionally do the things my friends like to do as that is part of having friends with different interests but that means I only have to cope with that anxiety a fraction of the time I once did.

With experiencing less anxiety I know longer live in a constant state of anxiety and could then work on the areas of my life where anxiety was still a problem.

I Had More Time to Rest, Recharge and Take Care of Myself

At the peak of my anxiety life was so hectic I never felt like I had a moment to breathe let alone rest.

Taking care of myself had never been a priority of mine and I didn’t have the time to either.

Accepting I was an introvert I forced myself to slow down. I swapped my extroverted activities like spending every day in the pub, nights out and playing football with more introverted activities like video games, writing, photography, yoga and many more.

Having more time to myself doing the things I enjoy made me much happier. I had the time I needed to recharge in solitude which allowed me to rest better and then start to actually take better care of both my physical and mental health for the first time in my life.

A social life is massively important for anyone’s mental health so bear that in mind before you think about shutting the door on everyone and living a life in solitude. I make sure to socialise a couple of times a week which for me is a healthy balance right now.

With the changes I made my social circle became a lot smaller but the relationships that I still have are more genuine now than they were before.

Recharging, having better rest and taking care of your wellbeing all add to reducing the amount of anxiety we face in life whether you have an anxiety disorder like me or not.