Recently, the internet mad fun of noted weird-food-opinion-haver Jim Harbaugh for having another very weird opinion about food. Namely, that his quarterbacks should avoid eating chicken because it’s a “cowardly bird”. We all had a good laugh about this because, well, that’s really weird.

But it’s important to point out that Harbaugh is not alone in the hallowed halls of successful college football coaches with weirdo thoughts about food. There’s actually quite a few. Let us ponder these for a moment.

John Heisman

Heisman is a legend, from his namesake trophy to his accomplishments at Auburn and Clemson and Georgia Tech to his schematic innovations to his clobbering a team by over 200 goddang points. He also wrote a popular text, Principles of Football, which detailed his opinions on various strategic questions, training, and player diet.

You can check out the whole thing here, but here’s a sampling of Coach Heisman’s hot takes:

Nearly all vegetables get the stamp of approval except cabbage, which should not be eaten in any form. All bread should be either stale or toasted. No hot bread of any kind. All kinds of nuts are bad. Soups do no special harm but contrary to general belief, there is very little nutrition in them.

I can understand why a coach might be concerned about coffee, alcohol, or fried foods ... but nuts? Cabbage? Of course, a cabbage-eating team never won a game by 222 points, so maybe Heisman is on to something.

Les Miles

Hey, remember how he used to eat grass on the sideline? Why did he do that? Via CBS:

“You must have never played right field,” said Miles. “That was the dubious distinction I had. Nobody hit the ball out there, and you needed something to do.”

Amos Alonzo Stagg

Stagg was one of the first great coaches outside of the Northeast, building a powerhouse program at the University of Chicago. Stagg helped develop the onside kick, the huddle, varsity letters, the Statue of Liberty, and scores of other foundational elements.

He also made his teams vegetarian. From The Vegetarian Crusade:

And as my doppelgänger noted, Chicago’s development was not un-noticed by the press:

Have read a bunch on this -- the neqspaper stories are great pic.twitter.com/hoS4SjpBF9 — Matt Brown (@MattBrownCFB) July 31, 2018

Could you imagine what would happen at, like, Wisconsin or Iowa if the staff banned meat? There would be a riot. Hell, there’d be a riot if any program tried to this. Except maybe Cal, I guess.

Jeremy Pruitt

Don’t let the rest of this medical quackery distract you from the fact that Tennessee hired a coach who did not know what asparagus was in the year of our Lord 2005.

Jim Harbaugh again

What, do you think we forgot about his years-long, very public love of milk?

Fielding Yost

Yost was one of the most successful coaches in history, who transformed Michigan into the best program outside of the Northeast and helped lay the foundation for the Wolverines’ decades to come.

He also wrote a book, Football for Player and Spectator, that touched on his schematic theories, leadership, and player development. It also touched on player diets and hygiene:

The conditions in which football is played demand that every man take a bath after every practice is over. A good shower bath is the best and can be easily arranged. A long, hot bath should never he taken, as it is weakening. Pork, sweet-breads or pie should not be served. Coffee and tea must be given up. Nothing that has been prepared by frying should be found at the training table. What an array of good things is left!

That isn’t too weird, but banning pork, tea, and hot baths does seem a little strange. But hey, Yost was a Michigan Man, after all. Strange is to be expected.

Dave Baldwin

Dave Baldwin used to be the head coach at Cal State Northridge and San Jose State. He was an assistant at Oregon State last year. And he drank as many as 18 cans of Diet Coke a day.

It was a gift from the soda company itself, after representatives in Colorado caught wind of the first-year Oregon State offensive coordinator’s little habit. Baldwin will gulp back 16-18 cans of Diet Coke per day, sometimes even awaking in the middle of the night to grab a refreshing swig. ”Every man has a vice, and if he doesn’t, then he’s lying to you,” Baldwin said. “And this is my vice.

It’s not a big secret that thanks to long hours and heavy travel, many college coaches don’t have perfect eating habits, and coaches like Dana Holgorsen and Ed Orgeron are known for their love of Red Bull. But 18 cans ... that seems like a lot!

Bill Snyder

Bill Snyder is coaching a solid team even at the advanced age of 78 years. Heck, he just got a contract extension. So you’d think maybe he has some special, unique dietary strategy to help keep him in tip-top shape.

He does, but not what you’re thinking. Snyder eats like a 15-year-old gamer. Basically, he eats just one meal a day, and regularly (although not always), that meal is at Taco Bell. Why? Because “Taco Bell is open at midnight,” Snyder said. “[My wife’s cooking] is not.”

Legend.

Mark Richt

The internet wants to you think that Mark Richt has lost control of well, just about everything, but when it comes to eating a sandwich, the man has a plan. Specifically, a plan to eat the whole dang thing in exactly 10 bites. There is a diagram.

He’s also a fan of something called a ‘Hot Dog Delight’, which involves hot dogs, beans and American cheese. Ew.

And speaking of ew, this is certainly one way to eat a Peep.

I spent some time with Mark Richt to see what his life is now like in Miami — and what it felt like to leave Georgia after all those years.



I also asked for his best food #takes. They did not disappoint. https://t.co/DSKxpgRdho pic.twitter.com/9WGDSQaUsM — Nicole Auerbach (@NicoleAuerbach) August 20, 2018

Willie Taggart

Willie Taggart once drove over 60 miles to get Popeyes. Willie Taggart is the only college football coach to have a correct food opinion. Thus concludes this blog post.