Cowboys’ owner and GM Jerry Jones has announced a new scouting initiative in which he will personally visit prisons across America to find new talent for the team.

In a press conference, Jones said: ‘We were incredibly unlucky this season with injuries but I think that exposed a lack of depth and an element of softness in the team that we need to fix for the next season. That is why I want to do something different and find the biggest, toughest men in the prison system and give them a chance to change their lives.’

When questioned on how the current players would receive a group of ex-convicts being put on the squad, Jones said: ‘I’m sure they’ll fit right in with the rest of the team. Look, I don’t care if they’re a woman beater, rapist, or a murderer; that just proves they have the nasty streak we’re looking for.’



Cowboys’ defensive end Greg Hardy welcomed the news: ‘Some of the other players on the team have been turning on me lately. It’ll be good to have some backup.’

Prisons across America are currently organizing Mean Machine style football games to help Jerry Jones in his scouting efforts. As one prison guard said: ‘Some guys are too nasty even for prison but they’ll fit in great on the Cowboys. We’ll just be glad to get them out of here.’