This morning, at 8:56, someone calling from a blocked number left a message on my phone. He wanted me to know that he has “over 100” employees he dispatches each week to follow our delivery drivers, grab the papers our drivers deliver, and “throw it in the dumpsters.” He’s “a little tired,” he says, of “all the things you keep writing against the Republican Party and the conservatives in this country.”

Go ahead and listen, it’s only 44 seconds:

The newspaper we publish is good for a lot of things. I know an art teacher who uses the paper for crafting projects with her students, and a local paint shop moves through quite a few. You can roll it up tight and it makes a good flyswatter. You can read it. It’s free for the taking. Have fun with it; send us a picture.

However, collecting our papers en masse for the express purpose of throwing them away is against the law. Specifically, petit larceny and possession of stolen property. See, e.g., People v. Cain , 179 Misc. 2d 708 (Crim. Ct. N.Y. Co. 1999).

I don’t think this guy is doing that. I think he’s just a crank. But who is this crank? Any guesses? Care to come out of the shadows, Mr. No Caller ID?