



Have you ever wondered, in the dark of the night, if Barack Hussein Obama could not simultaneously cure cancer, prove four colorability in four lines of math, solve world hunger, and cure genital warts, all while walking on water?



Have you ever, while signing a check to the IRS, wondered if perhaps socialism wasn't right? I know that you instantly brushed the thought from your mind.



Have you ever wondered if perhaps not every single white straight male is an idiot, that every woman is not oppressed, that every gay is not obliged to be a progressive?



Have you ever wondered if actions should have consequences?



If you have harbored these thoughts for more than two seconds, then you have committed a Thoughtcrime.



Save yourself the worry of that knock on the door in the middle of the night. Always be invited to those parties on the Upper East Side. Never worry about saying something that every one not in fly-over country is saying.



Step into Jiffy-Lobo. Jiffy-Lobo is a new walk-in service dedicated to the proposition that all people are created equal and if necessary must be more equal. In the words of our Chairman, Diana Moon Glampers, "Nothing matters more to us than making sure that there is no bad thought. If there is to be no thought, that is a small price to pay."



When you enter Jiffy-Lobo, you will be given a glass of the finest Putinka vodka, made from potatoes that are not moldy, and a large Valium. After thirty minutes in a darkened room, being serenaded by Peter, Paul and Mary, you will be lead by our smiling receptionist Olga, the Olympic East German shot-putter, to the room of Doctor Zarkoff, who will gently place you on a medical chaise longue.



The doctor will lift up your right eyelid and insert a thin scalpel into your prefrontal lobes and slosh back and forth a bit, and then withdraw.



Clean, painless and guaranteed.



When you leave, you can be assured that you will never again entertain impure thoughts. You will never think anything that you are not told to think, whether from your superiors or a tin-foil hat.



In only three or four months, after you regain your continence, you will be a fully functioning progressive, never behind the pack nor, and I shudder to say it, in front of it. You will never bear the responsibility of thinking again.



And this week only, if you come in to Jiffy-Lobo, you will be given Pinkie's Beet of the Week







and a designer tin-foil hat.



Bring a driver. You'll need one. Wear Depends too.



Remember Jiffy-Lobo's slogan: Thought=bad. Conformity=good. Why bother with that nasty personality when Jifi-Lobo can relieve you of it? Stop in. It'll be the best decision you ever made. And the last.



It's for the Common Good™. Come on. You know you want to submit.

Have you ever wondered, in the dark of the night, if Barack Hussein Obama could not simultaneously cure cancer, prove four colorability in four lines of math, solve world hunger, and cure genital warts, all while walking on water?Have you ever, while signing a check to the IRS, wondered if perhaps socialism wasn't right? I know that you instantly brushed the thought from your mind.Have you ever wondered if perhaps not every single white straight male is an idiot, that every woman is not oppressed, that every gay is not obliged to be a progressive?Have you ever wondered if actions should have consequences?If you have harbored these thoughts for more than two seconds, then you have committed a Thoughtcrime.Save yourself the worry of that knock on the door in the middle of the night. Always be invited to those parties on the Upper East Side. Never worry about saying something that every one not in fly-over country is saying.Step into Jiffy-Lobo. Jiffy-Lobo is a new walk-in service dedicated to the proposition that all people are created equal and if necessary must be more equal. In the words of our Chairman, Diana Moon Glampers, "Nothing matters more to us than making sure that there is no bad thought. If there is to be no thought, that is a small price to pay."When you enter Jiffy-Lobo, you will be given a glass of the finest Putinka vodka, made from potatoes that are not moldy, and a large Valium. After thirty minutes in a darkened room, being serenaded by Peter, Paul and Mary, you will be lead by our smiling receptionist Olga, the Olympic East German shot-putter, to the room of Doctor Zarkoff, who will gently place you on a medical chaise longue.The doctor will lift up your right eyelid and insert a thin scalpel into your prefrontal lobes and slosh back and forth a bit, and then withdraw.Clean, painless and guaranteed.When you leave, you can be assured that you will never again entertain impure thoughts. You will never think anything that you are not told to think, whether from your superiors or a tin-foil hat.In only three or four months, after you regain your continence, you will be a fully functioning progressive, never behind the pack nor, and I shudder to say it, in front of it. You will never bear the responsibility of thinking again.And this week only, if you come in to Jiffy-Lobo, you will be given Pinkie's Beet of the Weekand a designer tin-foil hat.Bring a driver. You'll need one. Wear Depends too.Remember Jiffy-Lobo's slogan: Thought=bad. Conformity=good. Why bother with that nasty personality when Jifi-Lobo can relieve you of it? Stop in. It'll be the best decision you ever made. And the last.It's for the Common Good™. Come on. You know you want to submit.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,



Heroic marketing for product with mass appeal--bravo! I appreciate the reminder for Depends.



I have but one question: Will Medicaid and Medicare be accepted?



Comrades,



I would write more but Japanese TV is airing wartime "Tom and Jerry" cartoons.



Comrade Tovarich:



Would those be the same Tom and Jerry cartoons that are no longer aired here in the States for fear they might offend the Japanese-American community?



Congratulations Commissar Theorcritus, finding yet another way to both tap into the shrinking OPM market while at the same time upholding the Party line. However, I must point out as the one the Party placed in charge of mental health, that I must assess a small, tiny, almost infitismal user fee for the Lobo tools and technicians.



Commissar Theorcritus, Jifi-Lobo could have a limited life span though. When the O nationalizes health care not only will the party be in a better position to provide the same services you offer, but they will have exclusive ability to decide who will, or will not, be forced allowed have one.



Comrade Edward, you forget that there is a difference between require obeisance, such as social security, and a luxury product, such as a Roth IRA. His O'liness will give us the blessings of socialized medicine, of course, but without the means to really enjoy it. It's like having a tooth pulled without anesthetic.



Whereas Jifi-Lobo is the Lexus or Acura of mental health. In 15 minutes you won't give a shit and so can spare yourself the agony and worry. Surely you see its worth.



And Pupovich, I know that you're in charge of mental health but recall that I'm in charge of impaling and if this isn't impaling I don't know what is. You will have the concession for the tin-foil hats.



Don't tell Laika.



Comrade Edward Commissar Theorcritus, Jifi-Lobo could have a limited life span though. When the O nationalizes health care not only will the party be in a better position to provide the same services you offer, but they will have exclusive ability to decide who will, or will not, be forced allowed have one.



Ah, but there are different progressive economic models, comrade! True, under communism, the state owned all means of production. Under national socialism (aka Nazism) selected "preferred partners" were allowed to profit greatly at the expense of the "unpreferred". This is also the Chicago model. Under European socialism, the government does not choose winners and losers as long as they get 75% of gross sales.



It is likely that Obama, Pelosi and Reid will choose the progressive Chicago model for the new Amerikka. To wit, GM and Chrysler are preferred partners, Honda, Toyota, et al are not. Under this scenario, Jifi-Lobo will be poised to make a killing (literally and figuratively) if they choose the right mentor for their venture.

Ah, but there are different progressive economic models, comrade! True, under communism, the state owned all means of production. Under national socialism (aka Nazism) selected "preferred partners" were allowed to profit greatly at the expense of the "unpreferred". This is also the Chicago model. Under European socialism, the government does not choose winners and losers as long as they get 75% of gross sales.It is likely that Obama, Pelosi and Reid will choose the progressive Chicago model for the new Amerikka. To wit, GM and Chrysler are preferred partners, Honda, Toyota, et al are not. Under this scenario, Jifi-Lobo will be poised to make a killing (literally and figuratively) if they choose the right mentor for their venture.

Ah, yes, Opiate. You have discerned the truth. I intend to be the preferred partner in MindPurge™. And I will become the preferred partner by offering spa weekends to contentious people who ask embarrassing questions of his O'liness.



Media the Lapdog will remain a lapdog. Or not only will Media's nuts be cut off but Media will become very obliging. After Jiffi-Lobo Media might require training in wagging its tail, but for sure it won't bite. After the insertion of Dr. Zarkoff's scalpel. Although it's hard to imagine a more lickspittle one at present, nothing is perfect.



Commissar Theocritus Ah, yes, Opiate. You have discerned the truth. I intend to be the preferred partner in MindPurge™. And I will become the preferred partner by offering spa weekends to contentious people who ask embarrassing questions of his O'liness.



Media the Lapdog will remain a lapdog. Or not only will Media's nuts be cut off but Media will become very obliging. After Jiffi-Lobo Media might require training in wagging its tail, but for sure it won't bite. After the insertion of Dr. Zarkoff's scalpel. Although it's hard to imagine a more lickspittle one at present, nothing is perfect.





You will need to provide a special VIP center for members of the inner circle who have fallen into "disfavor." Blagojevich and Biden are two names that come to mind, although there will likely be many more for someone must take the fall when mistakes are made and they cannot be Lord O's fault for he is infallible. And a Jiffy-Lobo is much more humane than the firing squads or Gulags of the old days with the additional benefit of saving the cost of air-brushing the disfavored out of official photos. As for brainwashing the media-ocrities, most will require only a light rinse (or so goes the old progressive joke.)

You will need to provide a special VIP center for members of the inner circle who have fallen into "disfavor." Blagojevich and Biden are two names that come to mind, although there will likely be many more for someone must take the fall when mistakes are made and they cannot be Lord O's fault for he is infallible. And a Jiffy-Lobo is much more humane than the firing squads or Gulags of the old days with the additional benefit of saving the cost of air-brushing the disfavored out of official photos. As for brainwashing the media-ocrities, most will require only a light rinse (or so goes the old progressive joke.)

I now see the error in my assessment of you glorious peoples program of mental health.



Might I suggest that Biden has already been a client at Jiffi-Lobo? We haven't been graced with his enlightening history lessons about the depression, his incorrect regurgitation of his O'liness's tax numbers, or his predictions of his O'liness being "tested" by the rest of the world's party leaders since before the election. I vote his cranium has already been split and he has been stuffed in a closet at his Delaware home.



Commissar Theocritus And Pupovich, I know that you're in charge of mental health but recall that I'm in charge of impaling and if this isn't impaling I don't know what is. You will have the concession for the tin-foil hats.



Don't tell Laika.



Comrade, that is a most kind gesture, and one that I may consider. But I must remind you that while you may have the long history of progressive impaling, I have the patents for impaling with the express objective of curing ThoughtCrime™. Have you so soon forgotten my

Comrade, that is a most kind gesture, and one that I may consider. But I must remind you that while you may have the long history of progressive impaling, I have the patents for impaling with the express objective of curing ThoughtCrime™. Have you so soon forgotten my ground breaking research in this area?

Commissarka Pinkie Comrade Tovarich:



Would those be the same Tom and Jerry cartoons that are no longer aired here in the States for fear they might offend the Japanese-American community?



Comradette Commissarka Pinkie,



There were three. A day has passed so my febrile brain is already filling with correct thoughts and displacing incorrect and old ones. However, my wife noticed online that they were being aired so we changed the channel to an Tom and Jerry where they're dueling in the basement. Jerry pilots a cigarbox with three light bulbs the he drops on Tom (and you see them released, wiggled a bit, then straighten for downward trajectory in slo-mo suggestive of a B-29 at thousands of feet up, not 3). Lots of fireworks, including Tom sticking his face into a barrel that blows up turning him into a black-faced daisy (I don't think that makes the cut nowadays). The finale was Tom tying Jerry to a lit rocket aimed out the basement window, but Jerry starts helping him tie, so of course Tom ties himself and is whooshed into the sky and explodes in a shower of sparks that form the US flag, which Jerry salutes. He then fills in a paper document by writing "Send more cats!" and is signed Lt. Jerry Mouse.



The other two were from the same era (all by Fred Quimby), but had no overt propaganda.



The cartoons concluded with a Tom and Jerry them song, in Japanese, that has lyrics that sum up the whole concept. Very interesting.



Not too long ago there was a TV segment on the man behind Atom Boy and other Japanese classics. It's a shame I can't recall his name offhand. Anyway, at the time NHK planned to buy Popeye cartoons to broadcast, but they cost too much then, so NHK decided to make its own cartoons.

Comradette Commissarka Pinkie,There were three. A day has passed so my febrile brain is already filling with correct thoughts and displacing incorrect and old ones. However, my wife noticed online that they were being aired so we changed the channel to an Tom and Jerry where they're dueling in the basement. Jerry pilots a cigarbox with three light bulbs the he drops on Tom (and you see them released, wiggled a bit, then straighten for downward trajectory in slo-mo suggestive of a B-29 at thousands of feet up, not 3). Lots of fireworks, including Tom sticking his face into a barrel that blows up turning him into a black-faced daisy (I don't think that makes the cut nowadays). The finale was Tom tying Jerry to a lit rocket aimed out the basement window, but Jerry starts helping him tie, so of course Tom ties himself and is whooshed into the sky and explodes in a shower of sparks that form the US flag, which Jerry salutes. He then fills in a paper document by writing "Send more cats!" and is signed Lt. Jerry Mouse.The other two were from the same era (all by Fred Quimby), but had no overt propaganda.The cartoons concluded with a Tom and Jerry them song, in Japanese, that has lyrics that sum up the whole concept. Very interesting.Not too long ago there was a TV segment on the man behind Atom Boy and other Japanese classics. It's a shame I can't recall his name offhand. Anyway, at the time NHK planned to buy Popeye cartoons to broadcast, but they cost too much then, so NHK decided to make its own cartoons.

Comrade Edward I now see the error in my assessment of you glorious peoples program of mental health.



Might I suggest that Biden has already been a client at Jiffi-Lobo? We haven't been graced with his enlightening history lessons about the depression, his incorrect regurgitation of his O'liness's tax numbers, or his predictions of his O'liness being "tested" by the rest of the world's party leaders since before the election. I vote his cranium has already been split and he has been stuffed in a closet at his Delaware home.





LOL! That would also explain how he has been eating at a restaurant that closed 20+ years ago.



Perhaps we should simply refrain from mentioning Biden's failed Jiffy-Lobo treatment so as not to embarrass the esteemed Comrade Theocritus's otherwise excellent venture. Not that this incident should impugn the corporate reputation as Biden presents an exceptionally high bar to clear. Put another way, if Freud had had the Vice President Elect as a client, he probably would've gone into the used car business instead.

LOL! That would also explain how he has been eating at a restaurant that closed 20+ years ago.Perhaps we should simply refrain from mentioning Biden's failed Jiffy-Lobo treatment so as not to embarrass the esteemed Comrade Theocritus's otherwise excellent venture. Not that this incident should impugn the corporate reputation as Biden presents an exceptionally high bar to clear. Put another way, if Freud had had the Vice President Elect as a client, he probably would've gone into the used car business instead.

Opiate Put another way, if Freud had had the Vice President Elect as a client, he probably would've gone into the used car business instead.

While Freud was living in London he had has cancerous jaw removed. Which would have solved the Biden problem.



Actually Biden is not a failure in that we refused to treat Biden. After some time spent analyzing his obiter dicta and simple fart-outs, we determined that Jifi-Lobo wouldn't work on him. His cure would have involved cutting off the top of his head, doing irreparable damage to his hair plugs, and scooping out the teacup of decaying brain matter. Searing it with a blow torch, and riveting the top back on again.



To make him seem untouched, we would put in a TRS-80 computer with 32K of memory.



And Pupovich, if you've been around the Cube this long and haven't learned that what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too if I want it, then I expect you to report to the nearest Jifi-Lobo tout de suite.



I swear. All these thrusting Commissars. First Mousey-Tongue wants to be taster of seafood. Like there's any power in that unless he gets off by pointing out the fish to be killed. And now this.



Let's have a rapprochement, Marshall. Why don't you come to the Rancho. I'll have cleaned off all the remnants of the talent-shitting birds that you so graced me with, and I'll have a special guest just for you.



....Bruno. Bruno! Call Our Many Titted Empress. Tell her that Pupovich is coming with two suitcases of chads. Chads. Chads! No, not porn stars, you silly idiot, the things that you knock out of ballots. She'll understand. Bruno! Bruno! In the real world a Chad is a little piece of paper...

While Freud was living in London he had has cancerous jaw removed. Which would have solved the Biden problem.Actually Biden is not a failure in that we refused to treat Biden. After some time spent analyzing his obiter dicta and simple fart-outs, we determined that Jifi-Lobo wouldn't work on him. His cure would have involved cutting off the top of his head, doing irreparable damage to his hair plugs, and scooping out the teacup of decaying brain matter. Searing it with a blow torch, and riveting the top back on again.To make him seem untouched, we would put in a TRS-80 computer with 32K of memory.And Pupovich, if you've been around the Cube this long and haven't learned that what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too if I want it, then I expect you to report to the nearest Jifi-LoboI swear. All these thrusting Commissars. First Mousey-Tongue wants to be taster of seafood. Like there's any power in that unless he gets off by pointing out the fish to be killed. And now this.Let's have a rapprochement, Marshall. Why don't you come to the Rancho. I'll have cleaned off all the remnants of the talent-shitting birds that you so graced me with, and I'll have a special guest just for you.....Bruno. Bruno! Call Our Many Titted Empress. Tell her that Pupovich is coming with two suitcases of chads. Chads. Chads! No, not porn stars, you silly idiot, the things that you knock out of ballots. She'll understand. Bruno! Bruno! In the real world a Chad is a little piece of paper...





Is this competition? or your foresight (pilot program) in '07 ?







Re: "To make him seem untouched, we would put in a TRS-80 computer with 32K of memory. "



I remember how happy I was to upgrade to 48K. Maybe, it's the Holidays , upgrade Uncle Joe?





Commissar Theocritus,Is this competition? or your foresight (pilot program) in '07 ?Re: "To make him seem untouched, we would put in a TRS-80 computer with 32K of memory. "I remember how happy I was to upgrade to 48K. Maybe,, upgrade Uncle Joe?

I remember to this day, the bright red Georgia clay

And how it stuck to the tires after the summer rain

Will power made that old car go, a women's mind told me that's so

Oh how I wish we were back on the road again



Me and you and a dog named Boo

Travelin' and livin' off the land

Me and you and a dog named Boo

How I love bein', a free man



I can still recall, the wheat fields of St Paul

And the mornin' we got caught stealin' from an old hen

OMacDonald he made us work,

But then he paid us for what it was worth

Another tank of gas and back on the road again



Me and you and a dog named Boo

Travelin' and livin' off the land

Me and you and a dog named Boo

How I love bein', a free man



I'll never forget the day

We motored stately into big LA

The lights of the City put settlin' down into my brain

Thou it's only been a month or so

That 'ol cars buggin' us to go

We gotta get away and get back on the road again



Me and you and a dog named Boo

Travelin' and livin' off the land

Me and you and a dog named Boo

How I love bein', a free man



Me and you and a dog named Boo

Travelin' and livin' off the land

Me and you and a dog named Boo

How I love bein', a free man



Grigori, I am not sure that Senator Biden could stand a 48K upgrade. That would be entirely too many thoughts for him. His hair plugs, those that are left, would be radiating entirely too many ideas, which do not become him.



A true progressive never progresses, only parrots what other people are saying.



OPM--other peoples' money is inseparable from OPT--other peoples' thoughts.



And that's why I made Jifi-Lobo. To relieve Progressives of that gritty duty of thinking.



More Lobo you say?



When I saw you standing there

I about fell off my chair

When you moved your mouth to speak

I felt the blood go to my feet



Now it took time for me to know

What you tried so not to show

Something in my soul just cried

I see the want in your blue eyes



Chorus :

Baby, I'd love you to want me

The way that I want you

The way that it should be

Baby, you'd love me to want you

The way that I want to

If you'd only let it be



You told yourself years ago

You'd never let your feelings show

The obligation that you made

For the title that they gave



Repeat chorus

Repeat verse 2

Repeat chorus



Laika are you listening to Kent Lavoie (Lobo) Again, you forgot "Where were you when I was falling in love"...



Yes I was going to see if I could get Kent to “Rancho de Rio Grande,” to give a private concert for the Great and fearless leader. I was sure that Bruno would squeal with delight, followed by sponge cake, and ice water enemas.



"Ice water enemas"? Dear Red Star, that's not on. Bruno is nothing but a huge alimentary tract adorned with fruit on his head and feathers and crepe elsewhere, on platform shoes.



You don't need anything nearly that fancy for him. Just a simple bit it tin foil, say a chewing-gum wrapper, will do.



For he is the perfect progressive. I patterned Jifi-Lobo after his mental state.



Brilliant Fearless leader, Just Brilliant, but I need to warn you, perhaps Pupovich treasonous activities have not ended.



After your clear directives about the dietary requirements for Bruno, I observed Pupovich feeding Bruno, Bean burritos, Black Re-Fried beans, Eggs, and Cauliflower. I noticed when I was stealing money was checking his car for contraband, He was reading a book called “Facts on Farts” open to the chapter “I have terrible farts, and they just stink something awful”





Might I recommend you act accordingly; a good respirator mask is in order. A "Bio" hazard suit would be better, you know the ones that the proles wear to clean the Many Titted Empress's room.



Other members of the Peoples Democrat Party that would fail a prescreening and not meet the minimum level of thought processes to have their mental health improved by Commissar Theocritus's Jiffi-Lobo...



Maxine Waters (D) - California

Dennis Kucinich (D) - Ohio

Sheila Jackson-Lee (D) - Texas

Bawny Fwank (D) - Massachusetts



These elected officials have either already had another procedure performed or they were elected without the prerequisite mental capacity to communicate in coherent thoughts. I often wonder how the proles in their districts continue to return them to do the peoples work.



Commissar Theocritus "Ice water enemas"? Dear Red Star, that's not on. Bruno is nothing but a huge alimentary tract adorned with fruit on his head and feathers and crepe elsewhere, on platform shoes.



You don't need anything nearly that fancy for him. Just a simple bit it tin foil, say a chewing-gum wrapper, will do.



For he is the perfect progressive. I patterned Jifi-Lobo after his mental state.



Commissar Theocritis,



Then please explain how Bruno got out by himself and managed to sign up for the Cube?

Perhaps he's hoarding an extra house key? You really need to keep a eye on him around here. And how did he figure out how to post? Better check your office....and your computer's settings, Commissar.....BTW How was your mini vacation to Vegas? Did you take a picture in the snow? If you did, make sure to save it. It's definitive proof of Global Climate Change, Si?



still dealing with the Climate Change in the NY Gulag,



Che' Gourmet



PS I assume that a computer chip will automatically be inserted when the lobotomy is performed?

Commissar Theocritis,Then please explain how Bruno got out by himself and managed to sign up for the Cube?Perhaps he's hoarding an extra house key? You really need to keep a eye on him around here. And how did he figure out how to post? Better check your office....and your computer's settings, Commissar.....How was your mini vacation to Vegas? Did you take a picture in the snow? If you did, make sure to save it. It'sproof of Global Climate Change, Si?still dealing with the Climate Change in the NY Gulag,Che' GourmetPS I assume that a computer chip will automatically be inserted when the lobotomy is performed?

Red Star, do not worry about the ventilation at the Rancho de Rio Grande. The first time our Many Titted Empress was here the stench was so overpowering that I had in not a People's Architect but a good one and the air is changed so fast that it's like a hurricane. Which doesn't do much for Bruno's wigs, but that's life.



Che, although Bruno has now acquired a law degree and is going to defend people, a law degree says nothing about intelligence. Think William Kuntsler. And F. Lee Bruno will be the perfect Peoples' Lawyer. For people who ought not win.



I'm going to appoint him to Pupovich of course.



Yes Yes Brave, Fearless and Glorious Leader, That would explain the economical 55 gallon drums of "Varsol" Further I was wondering why this "Pippie Long stocking wig flew by" I just thought one of the entrees had escaped from Che's kitchen. Or a Red Headed Prole was foolishly attempting to flee.



I wanted to ask you if Chairman Meow Punchenko was one of the "Jifi-Lobo" customers but then I remembered the incoherent babbling is Punchenko is a normal state of affairs.



Anyway, I was out kicking down doors at midnight the other night and kicked Nanski's Door, she attempted to seduce one of the troops, then stood in her bedroom door way yelling "Who's next" the crew started holding there hands over there mouths retching. Now one of my best men is in the local Psycho ward, and keeps repeating to himself, I'm not her love muffin, and breaks it to fits screaming "Oh my GAWD, PLEASE SHOOT ME, I DON"T WANT TO LIVE".



Perhaps another customer for "Jifi-Lobo", but I fear the damage is so severe, that alas "Putting him down" is the only humane thing to do.



uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. . .



(off)

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. . .



(off, for real)

Conformity=good, the democrat's overlaying strategy to their underlying idea of division=good for us.



Red Star, I'm afraid you're right about one of your storm troopers. When the brain thinks enough in certain ways it forms a physiological change--it's not like rebooting a computer. There's a hardware change.



Your man seeing Nansky beckoning and inviting, "Who's next?" is something that only the very strongest could bear. I am a strong commissar. I've seen Our Many Titted Empress not only passed out but naked too, her stippled hams waving with every breath, and the vermin that flow over them. But even I would blench and retch at seeing Nansky crook her finger at me.



Yes, put him down. Even the Harry Reid Lobo wouldn't work. That's where we cut off the top of the head and scoop out what's inside, and sandblast the inside of the head and weld the skull back on. That can work to erase memories of genocide, child molestation, parricide, and any number of other things, but not having Nansky crook a finger.



Put him down. Do it quickly, for God's sake, man, and ease his suffering.



A sad day in all.



I dropped my trooper off at "Jifi-Lobo" slipped the Receptionist an ex East German female wrestler "Helga" $20.00 extra and my injured comrade was given a sweet dose of Murder.



He was a good Trooper, not sure what his name was or for that matter if he had one. We just called him, "Hey you" no one could knock a door off the hinges quite like him.



We will all miss the pidder-padder of his night stick beating a prole senseless.



But better this way, than seeing him wonder around like Joe Biden incoherently babbling, asking for directions to "Katies dinner" that was closed in 1974, or ending up like Ted Kennedy a drunken, flatulating social disease.



Sniff Sniff.....







I do admire your compassion (learning at our glorious Commissar's knee, eh?) and let me express my sympathy for your loss of an exceptional Trooper. After the purge....I mean Inaugural of our Dear Leader-Elect, I'm sure there will be an exceptionally strong recruitment drive for additional StormTroopers to enforce the Obamessiah's agenda. Si comrade, you will be turning the masses away (since there will be no jobs, anywhere), so you will have your pick of the best and biggest brutes to fill your quota.



Onwards with our Glorious Revolution, comrade!









And comrade, just a note of caution (because I admire your concern for your troops), don't be dissing "the Kennedy" without your cone of silence on. (You never know who might be listening!) Heh, Heh.....



Che' Gourmet

Comrade Red Star,I do admire your compassion (learning at our glorious Commissar's knee, eh?) and let me express my sympathy for your loss of an exceptional Trooper. After the purge....I mean Inaugural of our Dear Leader-Elect, I'm sure there will be an exceptionally strong recruitment drive for additional StormTroopers to enforce the Obamessiah's agenda. Si comrade, you will be turning the masses away (since there will be no jobs, anywhere), so you will have your pick of the best and biggest brutes to fill your quota.Onwards with our Glorious Revolution, comrade!And comrade, just a note of caution (because I admire your concern for your troops), don't be dissing "the Kennedy" without your cone of silence on. (You never know who might be listening!) Heh, Heh.....Che' Gourmet

Che, I understand your caution about Senator Teddy, but I have it on good authority that his innards are going. And one of the other Kennedys said that she would accept a senatorial appointment. Now that's classic Kennedy style. Don't bother to work your way up, just accept it. Like Lauren Bacalll, who always starred but never knew how to act.



Red Star, I've been thinking. I am still sorry for you on the loss of your goon, but you'd better get some more soon. After the Incarnation of His O'liness we shall have gladiatorial contests in which people fight to the death, brought to you of course by Greenpeace. The background music will no longer be Queen but hip-hop.



In this way the party elite will be assured enough organs for transplant and some of the party elite will be pleased to make other use of the gladiators while they are alive. Just like in Ancient Rome.



Jiffi-Lobo will be very busy though to make sure that the gladiators do not faint dead away when Nansky beckons, "Who's next?"



Come to think of it, Nansky could be the best recruiting agent on earth for my side of the street...



Commissar Theocritus And Pupovich, if you've been around the Cube this long and haven't learned that what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too if I want it, then I expect you to report to the nearest Jifi-Lobo tout de suite.



Commissar Commissar... what am I to do with you? While I can appreciate such comments that you make to less equal Comrades, I can hardly be considered in such a light. Though in fact, I did appreciate that marble and gold table that arrived today from your address in presumed compensation for your copyright infringement. So let me bury the ice pick if you will, and agree that you may use my patented ThoughtCrime™ lobotomy technique provided you do at least grant me the honor of recognition of my fine work in this field, and I will, in lieu of compensation for it's use, agree to take the tin foil hat subsidy which we shall both wisely omit mentioning to Laika. In the end, it is for the Common Good™ after all, and I am confident that this arrangement will be equably good for both of us.



Oh, and lest I forget, I am sorry, but I simply must decline the kind invitation to visit your Rancero at this particular moment. I would not wish to disturb Hillary as she is brushing up on her secretarial skills for her upcoming role with the Obama. In fact, the Chairman and I am still awaiting our coffee and cookies that Secretary Hill was dispatched for. I tell you Commissar, I just don't see how she will make it as a secretary at her advanced age and shall we say, the years have been less than kind on her. At least she has the "comfort" of knowing she is not being given this job just on her good looks.

Commissar Commissar... what am I to do with you? While I can appreciate such comments that you make to less equal Comrades, I can hardly be considered in such a light. Though in fact, I did appreciate that marble and gold table that arrived today from your address in presumed compensation for your copyright infringement. So let me bury the ice pick if you will, and agree that you may use my patented ThoughtCrime™ lobotomy technique provided you do at least grant me the honor of recognition of my fine work in this field, and I will, in lieu of compensation for it's use, agree to take the tin foil hat subsidy which we shall both wisely omit mentioning to Laika. In the end, it is for the Common Good™ after all, and I am confident that this arrangement will be equably good for both of us.Oh, and lest I forget, I am sorry, but I simply must decline the kind invitation to visit your Rancero at this particular moment. I would not wish to disturb Hillary as she is brushing up on her secretarial skills for her upcoming role with the Obama. In fact, the Chairman and I am still awaiting our coffee and cookies that Secretary Hill was dispatched for. I tell you Commissar, I just don't see how she will make it as a secretary at her advanced age and shall we say, the years have been less than kind on her. At least she has the "comfort" of knowing she is not being given this job just on her good looks.

I would presume that Jifi-Lobo treatments will be paid for with Government Money™ as part of every Amerikan's Free Health Care™.



The Commission Of Eco-Friendly Mining And Re-education would like to request the transfer of roughly 100 victims treatment subjects to test their effectiveness in our operation.



Potato vodka from non-moldy potatoes?



You inner circle people make me insanely jealous. Here in the Outer Darkness, we have only the Lev Bronstein Memorial free clinic for the sort of therapy you speak of. Appropriately enough, they use icepicks in place of scalpels, and for a reward, watered-down Mogen David in honor of Hanukkah. (I don't know why that is.)



I'll definitely have to sharpen the old riposte(s) and attempt to enter your Parnassus again if it's possible. Potato vodka! Yum!!!



Meanwhile, back to digging trenches for Hope and Change!



Red Star A sad day in all.



I dropped my trooper off at "Jifi-Lobo" slipped the Receptionist an ex East German female wrestler "Helga" $20.00 extra and my injured comrade was given a sweet dose of Murder.



He was a good Trooper, not sure what his name was or for that matter if he had one. We just called him, "Hey you" no one could knock a door off the hinges quite like him.



We will all miss the pidder-padder of his night stick beating a prole senseless.



But better this way, than seeing him wonder around like Joe Biden incoherently babbling, asking for directions to "Katies dinner" that was closed in 1974, or ending up like Ted Kennedy a drunken, flatulating social disease.



Sniff Sniff.....



This is just the sort of tragedy that I was afraid of when I saw Commissar Theocritus had opened up his Jiffy Lobo. As we all know, Commissar Theocritus is well known for impaling by throwing his patients off of the castle walls onto unsterilized spikes. Grant it, this will take care of any ThoughtCrime™. However, it too often leads to cases such as this where sources of labor that the state could still make use of, is wasted at worse, or often at best, so damaged as to be nearly useless. This is why I refined the process so that there is less loss and fewer unwanted side effects. Grant it.

This is just the sort of tragedy that I was afraid of when I saw Commissar Theocritus had opened up his Jiffy Lobo. As we all know, Commissar Theocritus is well known for impaling by throwing his patients off of the castle walls onto unsterilized spikes. Grant it, this will take care of any ThoughtCrime™. However, it too often leads to cases such as this where sources of labor that the state could still make use of, is wasted at worse, or often at best, so damaged as to be nearly useless. This is why I refined the process so that there is less loss and fewer unwanted side effects. Grant it. my procedures are slightly more expensive, but hey, you get what you pay for, and as long as it's OPM. who cares?

Since we have some new comrades here, I thought that I would educate all our new ones to the pleasures of Jiffy-Lobo. Bump.







"Remember Jiffi-Lobo's slogan: Thought=bad. Conformity=good. Why bother with that nasty personality when Jifi-Lobo can relieve you of it? Stop in. It'll be the best decision you ever made. And the last. "



I will buy into the premise IF I can be "Beet of the Week"?!!!





I saw it and thanks."Remember Jiffi-Lobo's slogan: Thought=bad. Conformity=good. Why bother with that nasty personality when Jifi-Lobo can relieve you of it? Stop in. It'll be the best decision you ever made. And the last. "I will buy into the premise IF I can be "Beet of the Week"?!!!





This is a picture of the actual class participating in a Linguistic Ethnography class project led by their teacher:







No Jiffy-Lobo nescessary, as they had no brains to begin with - all they require are special therapy sessions a few times a week at the U and their frontal lobes remain stunted and never grow. Education for better living.

Jiffy-Lobo is only needed if you've got frontal lobes. The New Man our society is creating doesn't need Jiffy-Lobo as their frontal lobes never grew very much in the first place; the New Man just needs special brain numbing therapy like that provided in classes such as Linguistic Ethnography: The Discourse of Climate Change. This is a picture of the actual class participating in a Linguistic Ethnography class project led by their teacher:No Jiffy-Lobo nescessary, as they had no brains to begin with - all they require are special therapy sessions a few times a week at the U and their frontal lobes remain stunted and never grow. Education for better living.

Yes Kind and Generous Leader:



Some of the "Younglings", hopeful young proles wanting to someday become Made Progressives.

They will soon treasure the Relief Jiffy Lobo can give them. As they approach, the hurdles on the road to "The World of Next Tuesday©" and they take on the role of useful idiot, blissful stupidity will be a treat.



Should Nanski attempted to seduce one of them, The Jiffy Lobo will only offer minimal protection but, would better than the horrors of a direct encounter with her. I still remember when one of my Psychotic Goons Highly Trained Personal Councilors had a run in with Nanski.



Speaking of Minimum, what have you heard from Meow. He seems to have disappeared since we stapled his head to the carpet at “Rancho de Rio Grande,” and shaved him. Yes that was fun, but he did not even wake up.





Ahhhh Memories.....





Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality® INC

Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight

Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter

Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns

Defender of the Faith



Commissar,



are franchises available? Not that i would want to be engaged in profiteering, or anything vile like that. I would like to bring a Jiffy-Lobo to my community, for the children of course. There is a great need hear in my region as there appears to be more independent thinkers thought criminals than there used to be.



I remain,

Dr. Chicago



Theocritus,

Could I be an a$$hole for a moment and suggest a way to improve/expand on your Jiffy-Endeavors? Clients wishing to experience the Full Lobo can lease you their cranial cavities; you can then use the space to sequester Greenhouse Gasses- simultaneously Saving the Planet, and making some Greenbucks to buy O'bama paraphernalia! Or maybe a new hat for Bruno? What could be better??!!??!!



I personally think the fact that the Jiffy-Lobo is not known by many is proof of its success. I recall hearing Peter, Paul, and Mary... then woke up to a bright light Lite-Brite. Lite-Brite making things with light.... light bulb not included. I've never felt more equal.



Dr. Chicago Commissar,



are franchises available? Not that i would want to be engaged in profiteering, or anything vile like that. I would like to bring a Jiffy-Lobo to my community, for the children of course. There is a great need hear in my region as there appears to be more independent thinkers thought criminals than there used to be.



I remain,

Dr. Chicago



Good day, Dr. Chicago, and how do you do? May I present the business end of my shovel:



WHACK!!!



That's for using the F-word.



What are you, some capitalist tool? A franchise usually requires working with a bank for the start-up money. Need I remind you of the evils of the banking system? In the event the franchise fails, you'd be required to shut it down, while the bank would take everything away to pay bonuses to its execs, and--perhaps worst of all--you might be motivated to write off the losses on your income tax, thus cheating the government of revenue needed to fund programs that protect millions of Americans from the very stupidity you just attempted.



Furthermore, reliance on banks and corporate/private investors is like hanging a sign around your neck or inscribing a tattoo on your forehead that says, "I'm just doing this for the money."



Wrong, wrong, bad, bad!



You want to apply to the government for a grant to start your own Jiffy-Lobo! That way, if business is slow or looks as if it's on the verge of failing, you won't have to worry about closing it down and trying something else, or fretting that some evil corporate fat cat will take it away from you. Instead, you need only ask the government for more money to keep it afloat.



No bank will do that.



And the beauty of it is, you'll never have to pay any of the money back. Those damned banks, on the other hand, always want their money back--and with interest attached, too! Gimme gimme gimme, greedy greedy greedy!



Haven't you heard the commercials on TV and radio, Dr. Chicago? Haven't you gotten the phone calls from the telemarketers? The stimulus money is out there, all yours for the asking.



Ask and receive, and everyone will know you're not doing it for the money.



You're doing it For The Children. For Your Community. For The Greater Good!



Because You Care.

Good day, Dr. Chicago, and how do you do? May I present the business end of my shovel:That's for using the F-word.What are you, some capitalist tool? A franchise usually requires working with a bank for the start-up money. Need I remind you of the evils of the banking system? In the event the franchise fails, you'd be required to shut it down, while the bank would take everything away to pay bonuses to its execs, and--perhaps worst of all--you might be motivated to write off the losses on your income tax, thus cheating the government of revenue needed to fund programs that protect millions of Americans from the very stupidity you just attempted.Furthermore, reliance on banks and corporate/private investors is like hanging a sign around your neck or inscribing a tattoo on your forehead that says, "I'm just doing this for the money."Wrong, wrong, bad, bad!You want to apply to the government for a grant to start your own Jiffy-Lobo! That way, if business is slow or looks as if it's on the verge of failing, you won't have to worry about closing it down and trying something else, or fretting that some evil corporate fat cat will take it away from you. Instead, you need only ask the government for more money to keep it afloat.No bank will do that.And the beauty of it is, you'll never have to pay any of the money back. Those damned banks, on the other hand, always want their money back--and with interest attached, too! Gimme gimme gimme, greedy greedy greedy!Haven't you heard the commercials on TV and radio, Dr. Chicago? Haven't you gotten the phone calls from the telemarketers? The stimulus money is out there, all yours for the asking.Ask and receive, and everyone will know you're not doing it for the money.You're doing it For The Children. For Your Community. For The Greater Good!Because You Care.

Dr. Chicago:



May I strongly urge you to make a Peace offering to Pinkie.



First. Apologize,

Second Offer, her some Vodka, Flowers, and a Gift Certificate to Ruth's Chris , Other-Wise Comrade your stay here at the Peoples Paradise will be at best short and Extremely Painful.



Further, I feel it only fair to warn you, should you have any notions of "Challenging Pinkie", my biggest and best Psychotic Goons Highly Trained Personal Councilors, were no match.

Even, Pupovitch's, Jimmy Carter Nano Rabbit's Ran at the Approach of Pinkie.





Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality® INC

Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight

Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter

Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns

Defender of the Faith



Normally I'd have to respectfully and cautiously denounce Pinkie for using the B-word, business end, when referring to her shovel since the end of all business is to make profit. But I'm kinda scared and just wet my pants writing this, so ignore it entirely and forget I ever said anything.



Wise Choice Comrade Whoopie.



Even My Psychotic Goons Highly Trained Personal Councilors(can not read) but just the Picture of our beloved Pinkie sent them scurrying. They are all in the basement, attempting to climb and hide behind the hot water heater.



"Pardon me for a moment..."



Sounds of yelling, breaking glass, thuds of kicking. Cat screeching and running away. Mumbles. Several gun shots...





Sorry back, I had to go make some attitude adjustments. Where was I? Yes Comrade a very smart choice. Pinkie once came after me, I bought her off, with a Bag of Ruffles, some flowers stolen from a local hospital, a roll of Charmin, and a Velvet Painting of Elvis..I got off cheap.....







Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality® INC

Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight

Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter

Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns

Defender of the Faith



Her she y chocolate kisses all decked out in their festive Easter colored wrappers?





Perhaps she'd accept somey chocolate kisses all decked out in their festive Easter colored wrappers?

Margaret tells us of a college course which has in its prospectus: "Through our social and linguistic relationships, we construct and negotiate meaning." Where can I go to construct meaning? I figure that if a college professor can construct meaning, I, a made prog, should be able to too. And isn't that what Stalin, Mao, Hoxha, Amin, Pol Pot and Hitler do? Not to mention the Kennedys, who didn't find it necessary to kill even a small fraction of the people murdered by the others to construct their meaning.



Czar Czar, I like the idea of leasing out cranial cavities. We could store greenhouse gases of course, but why not store say coke? We all know many good progs in South America who just have no choice but to run drugs to spread the enlightenment of progressivism. Think of the Shining Path. Think of all those freedom fighters. I'm not saying that Hugo Chavez is running drugs, but just think. If he were, wouldn't that be good enough for you? Because Hugo is the best friend to true Americans that the we have ever seen.



What about extra Botox? It seems that just as soon as Comrade Nanski gets a new Botox treatment, her face starts to fall, and she needs another one. All she would have to do is press a button on her forehead, and more Botox would be released. This way, she could maintain that fresh look and smile, eliminating that "Portrait of Dorian Grey" look she's had about her, lately.



Theocritus And isn't that what Stalin, Mao, Hoxha, Amin, Pol Pot and Hitler do? Not to mention the Kennedys, who didn't find it necessary to kill even a small fraction of the people murdered by the others to construct their meaning.





Excuse me! Comrade Theo! Don't you think there is a RATHER IMPORTANT African dictator you left out?

Excuse me! Comrade Theo! Don't you think there is a RATHER IMPORTANT African dictator you left out?

I tried Jiffy Lobo and it worked! Life is grand. With Jiffy Lobo everything becomes a nice calm emotional blur of fuzzy feel-goodness. Words melt into emotion and even political speeches become melodious song. I was watching Barack Obama on TV and thanks to Jiffy-Lobo this is what I saw:







La! La! La!



La, la, la, la, la!



Oh, oh, oh, oh...



La! La! La!





I love that. It's beautiful. Thank you, Jiffy Lobo. Thanks to you life has become a beautiful song. La! La! La! Oh, oh, oh!





I've been singing all day!



Margaret I tried Jiffy Lobo and it worked! Life is grand. ....





La! La! La!



La, la, la, la, la!



Oh, oh, oh, oh...



La! La! La!





I love that. It's beautiful. Thank you, Jiffy Lobo. Thanks to you life has become a beautiful song. La! La! La! Oh, oh, oh!





I've been singing all day!



Comradess Margaret ~ this is truly glorious!! Jiffy-Lobo is the way of the collective; the way to reduce healthcare cost; the way to increase Progressive thought (I use the word with vagueness); the way to succeed with great Leaders agenda.



What a happy tune. . . . dumm la la la, dumm oooh la la

Comradess Margaret ~ this is truly glorious!! Jiffy-Lobo is the way of the collective; the way to reduce healthcare cost; the way to increase Progressive thought (I use the word with vagueness); the way to succeed with great Leaders agenda.What a happy tune. . . . dumm la la la, dumm oooh la la

President Robert for Life! Do not despair. I do not consider you a dictator. I consider you an enlightened leader. Who knows his people better? Who is more beneficent toward his people? Who love them more? Who is the most loved leader in the world? In history? Mugabe, of course. It's always Robert, President for Life.



Uh, next time that you put a honky missionary in the stewpot, please remember that a few juniper berries will cut down on the gaminess.



Commissar Theocritus President Robert for Life! Do not despair. I do not consider you a dictator. I consider you an enlightened leader. Who knows his people better? Who is more beneficent toward his people? Who love them more? Who is the most loved leader in the world? In history? Mugabe, of course. It's always Robert, President for Life.



Uh, next time that you put a honky missionary in the stewpot, please remember that a few juniper berries will cut down on the gaminess.



Truly glorious statement. No one loves like a dictator loves! I feel a tear.......

I feel a tear.......

Commissarka Pinkie

Good day, Dr. Chicago, and how do you do? May I present the business end of my shovel:



WHACK!!!



That's for using the F-word.



What are you, some capitalist tool? A franchise usually requires working with a bank for the start-up money. Need I remind you of the evils of the banking system? In the event the franchise fails, you'd be required to shut it down, while the bank would take everything away to pay bonuses to its execs, and--perhaps worst of all--you might be motivated to write off the losses on your income tax, thus cheating the government of revenue needed to fund programs that protect millions of Americans from the very stupidity you just attempted.



Furthermore, reliance on banks and corporate/private investors is like hanging a sign around your neck or inscribing a tattoo on your forehead that says, "I'm just doing this for the money."



Wrong, wrong, bad, bad!



You want to apply to the government for a grant to start your own Jiffy-Lobo! That way, if business is slow or looks as if it's on the verge of failing, you won't have to worry about closing it down and trying something else, or fretting that some evil corporate fat cat will take it away from you. Instead, you need only ask the government for more money to keep it afloat.



No bank will do that.



And the beauty of it is, you'll never have to pay any of the money back. Those damned banks, on the other hand, always want their money back--and with interest attached, too! Gimme gimme gimme, greedy greedy greedy!



Haven't you heard the commercials on TV and radio, Dr. Chicago? Haven't you gotten the phone calls from the telemarketers? The stimulus money is out there, all yours for the asking.



Ask and receive, and everyone will know you're not doing it for the money.



You're doing it For The Children. For Your Community. For The Greater Good!



Because You Care.



Commissarka,



Please forgive my use of the F-word. I am only a mere Party operative and relatively new to the collective. I beg your forgiveness for my lack of a vocabulary necessary to express what I truly wish to accomplish for the Party; A Jiffy-lobo right in the very neighborhood in which I toil day and night to bring about the glorious world of Next Tuesday.



If it is off to the Gulag, I understand; gladly I will bear it. Half rations of beets would be just, half rations of vodka would be just. Double the work would be just.



I remain,

Dr. Chicago

Commissarka,Please forgive my use of the F-word. I am only a mere Party operative and relatively new to the collective. I beg your forgiveness for my lack of a vocabulary necessary to express what I truly wish to accomplish for the Party; A Jiffy-lobo right in the very neighborhood in which I toil day and night to bring about the glorious world of Next Tuesday.If it is off to the Gulag, I understand; gladly I will bear it. Half rations of beets would be just, half rations of vodka would be just. Double the work would be just.I remain,Dr. Chicago

You will enjoy the gulag, dear Dr. Great Leader has made so many improvements! I light of impending un -healthcare mandates reform, he has installed green toilet to help mother ***** earth. Gone is that one stall in the side yard and now we have the most lovely shrubs, right next to the beet garden. Please note, the lice infestation is highly exaggerated. And I assume Comrade Rahm 'the finger' Emanuel doesn't mind the F-word, since he bandies it about most often on his bi-monthly visits. "F U", "F that", " F Obama! " He's really quite accomplished in f-ing.



Dr. Chicago, if you would care to, I offer you an internship at the corporate office of Jiffy-Lobo. You seem to be just the right sort of nasty sorry whining thieving sulking spitting sniffing prog bastard first-class progressive who would make very sure that all those cranial cavities were cleaned out and Bristol shape. After all, just a few more seconds with that MotoTool or the Meztenbaum scissors (used for nearly born abortions) can save a world of trouble.



As I have pointed out again and again, those pesky little gray cells can come back. You think cancer is tough? Well, consider a brain Prog cancer. I cannot be a good Prog if I have a brain.



Fraulein, even more interesting is Ezekiel Emanual, dear Rahm's brother. He's the doctor in charge of Obamacare and he quite openly stated that it's not invidious to ration health care to people based on age for everyone who is 65 was 21 once. And we all know that we won't waste precious dollars which I might have better use for in my Rancho on old farts who can no longer hoe a row of beets.



Commissar Theocritus Dr. Chicago, if you would care to, I offer you an internship at the corporate office of Jiffy-Lobo. You seem to be just the right sort of nasty sorry whining thieving sulking spitting sniffing prog bastard first-class progressive who would make very sure that all those cranial cavities were cleaned out and Bristol shape. After all, just a few more seconds with that MotoTool or the Meztenbaum scissors (used for nearly born abortions) can save a world of trouble.



As I have pointed out again and again, those pesky little gray cells can come back. You think cancer is tough? Well, consider a brain Prog cancer. I cannot be a good Prog if I have a brain.



Fraulein, even more interesting is Ezekiel Emanual, dear Rahm's brother. He's the doctor in charge of Obamacare and he quite openly stated that it's not invidious to ration health care to people based on age for everyone who is 65 was 21 once. And we all know that we won't waste precious dollars which I might have better use for in my Rancho on old farts who can no longer hoe a row of beets.



This is such a glooorious reminder, dear Commissar!: "As I have pointed out again and again, those pesky little gray cellscan come back. You think cancer is tough? Well, consider a brain Progcancer." I HAVE EXPERIENCED SUCH. I, the proud prog, caught myself memorized by . . . *spit *spit . . Sarah Palin. (yes, I know, makes one retch) . . . and that is what put me back in the People's Gulag, which I was most deserving. (CURSES!!!)



If Ezek said it, it must be so *spit. It's about time all those useless elders (sniff sniff) bucked up, gave up and died so this sorry ass Obama can have his death panels control . And, yes, my beets are looking

puny

.

This is such a glooorious reminder, dear Commissar!:" I HAVE EXPERIENCED SUCH. I, the proud prog, caught myself memorized by . . . *spit *spit . . Sarah Palin. (yes, I know, makes one retch) . . . and that is what put me back in the People's Gulag, which I was most deserving. (If Ezek said it, it must be so *spit. It's about time all those useless elders (sniff sniff). And, yes, my beets are lookingpuny

Fraulein, I invented Jiffy-Lobo to answer my own pressing need. When I was in college I studied math. My favorite elective was Latin. My favorite composer was Bach. All very cerebral, you see.



But I found all those annoying sounds inside my head, and I hated them. Just hated them. Those--voices--always kept me on edge. I couldn't stand the cognitive dissonance.



Now that I have my regular Jiffy-Lobo treatment, I am not bothered by ratiocination or lucubration; hell I have to think real hard to keep from peeing myself while I walk. But thinking?



It's a think of the past! All hail Jiffy-Lobo, the tired Progressive's Best Friend!



Commissar Theocritus Fraulein, I invented Jiffy-Lobo to answer my own pressing need. When I was in college I studied math. My favorite elective was Latin. My favorite composer was Bach. All very cerebral, you see.



But I found all those annoying sounds inside my head, and I hated them. Just hated them. Those--voices--always kept me on edge. I couldn't stand the cognitive dissonance.



Now that I have my regular Jiffy-Lobo treatment, I am not bothered by ratiocination or lucubration; hell I have to think real hard to keep from peeing myself while I walk. But thinking?



It's a think of the past! All hail Jiffy-Lobo, the tired Progressive's Best Friend!



Dearest Commisar ~ I too fought these noises! For decades. I even voted for Republicans. Read Animal Farm, Brave New World, Atlas Shrugged, taught Bible studies!, and was engulfed in the 2nd Amendment. So distressing; I know your pain. When I was caught caught myself listening to Sarah Palin and applauding hissing.... I knew another trip was needed. Thank Obamer for Liffy-Lobo!

This is one, and ONLY, treatment plan covered by Obamacare for the collective!





Dearest Commisar ~ I too fought these noises! For decades. I even voted for Republicans. Read Animal Farm, Brave New World, Atlas Shrugged, taught Bible studies!, and was engulfed in the 2nd Amendment. So distressing; I know your pain. When Icaught myself listening to Sarah Palin andhissing.... I knew another trip was needed. Thank Obamer for Liffy-Lobo!This is one,treatment plan covered by Obamacare for the collective!

Yes, and soon, Fraulein, we shall announce Prog*Mart and the iProg. This is not an official press release, which will come later. But soon we shall have one-stop shopping for everything of value in Progdom.



In the Progressive United States, or PUS.



An iProg would be glorious. Just think . . . quickly Lubbed in the comfort of our own gulags!



Fraulein, nothing will dissuade or deter me from my solid intention to brainwash young minds full of mush properly education the find young minds of our up and coming Proglets.







As we can see, these Proglets have already started learning from the neo-republipukes.





And goodness our "up and coming Proglests" need continuing washing of brain matter. Once connected to their iProgs, should be most easily accomplished!As we can see, these Proglets have already started learning from the neo-republipukes.

Comrade Theocritus,



It is truly a wonder that you were able to achieve such a sweeping medical advance toiling under the archaic pall of the kapitalist health “scare system”. Thanks to Jiffi-lobo we will no longer need psychologists or most pharmaceuticals and the evil corporations that produce them. Even acute illnesses can now be treated in the literal blink of an eye at any of our People’s Health Clinics. This will reduce the cost of health care as well as medical training and education! For this alone you deserve at least two additional titles that will make you no more equal than anyone else.



Effusive praise aside, when Dear Leader implements his messianic Health Care Reform and we cross that magnificent threshold in to the glorious epoch of Next Tuesday even the medical marvel that is the Jiffi-Lobo will appear simple and unsophisticated. In comparison it will seem like the procedure is nothing more than poking a stick in someone’s eye to gouge out a piece of their brain.



Amazing as this sounds the efficient and affordable Health Care of Tomorrow will grant us all the Life of Methuselah[sup]*[/sup] for pennies on the ruble.



* disclaimer: Life of Methuselah intends the standard of living in Mesopotamia from the years 2625-1656 BCE, length of citizen lifespan may vary from unborn to dead.



Far too much discussion of leasing and other capitalist notions in this thread. It strikes me that Theo may be trying to stir up a flurry of mandated J-Lo's with some unwitting patients.



Fraulein, of course babies are racists. If not for racists, Al Sharpton would have to get a job. My cats Calvin and Hobbes are racist.



INGSOC, you really must take the lie of the land before you assault me, the madest of made progs. I would not do franchises or leases for Jiffy-Lobo. I do it the real way, as blessed by the Supreme Court.



I steal the land using eminent domain. I cannot tell you the satisfaction I have and the squirming that I do in my warm, adjustable bed at night when I think of the grannies that I've forced into state care by taking their houses for Jiffy-Lobos.



You see how easy this is? Instead of negotiating with individual freeholders, you just bribe the right government officials. Or remind them of various favors in the past.



And capitalism doesn't come into it at all.



Only thuggery, cronyism, and skulduggery.



Which is the Prog way.



Commissar Theocritus Fraulein, of course babies are racists. If not for racists, Al Sharpton would have to get a job. My cats Calvin and Hobbes are racist.







Theo, I had no idea your cats were NASCAR fans. And yes, all babies are born racist if only because they haven't yet learned to be politically correct. Here we see a photo of Comrade Snoogums before he grew up and got his mind right left.





Theo, I had no idea your cats were NASCAR fans. And yes, all babies are born racist if only because they haven't yet learned to be politically correct. Here we see a photo of Comrade Snoogums before he grew up and got his mindleft.

Be careful with Snoogie. He seems so nice but I think that Pinkie has been teaching him some dirty tricks. And that's the last person on earth you want teaching people you deal with dirty tricks.



ugliest cutest little f ascist Proglett you've ever seen. My oh my me, he's almost as darling as Comrade Henry 'pigman' Waxman, who plays Dracula at many Prog events.





Isn't Snoogums thecutest little fProglett you've ever seen. My oh my me, he's almost as darling as Comrade Henry 'pigman' Waxman, who plays Dracula at many Prog events.

Fraulein Pulloskies ugliest cutest little f ascist Proglett you've ever seen. My oh my me, he's almost as darling as Comrade Henry 'pigman' Waxman, who plays Dracula at many Prog events.



Isn't Snoogums thecutest little fProglett you've ever seen. My oh my me, he's almost as darling as Comrade Henry 'pigman' Waxman, who plays Dracula at many Prog events.









Fraulein Pulloskies ugliest cutest little f ascist Proglett you've ever seen. My oh my me, he's almost as darling as Comrade Henry 'pigman' Waxman, who plays Dracula at many Prog events.



Isn't Snoogums thecutest little fProglett you've ever seen. My oh my me, he's almost as darling as Comrade Henry 'pigman' Waxman, who plays Dracula at many Prog events.



The cleverly crazed-looking comrade on the right is staring directly through my left eyeball and into my brain cell, the creature on the left looks like a carnivorous, ravenous bat.



I'm having a horrible nightmare an epiphany as his eyes draw me like tractor beams and the bat takes bites out of my ankles as I'm falling in slow motion, head first into one of his nasal cavities.

The cleverly crazed-looking comrade on the right is staring directly through my left eyeball and into my brain cell, the creature on the left looks like a carnivorous, ravenous bat.I'm havingan epiphany as his eyes draw me like tractor beams and the bat takes bites out of my ankles as I'm falling in slow motion, head first into one of his nasal cavities.

[/center]



Nikolai, if you look at Comrade Waxman's most capacious nose, you realize that he has proven not, alas, the value of progdom, but evolution. Unfortunately he is proof that our ancestors are not what we thought and that the cannibals' name for humans, long pig, is right on target.



Has anyone spotted the common denominator in the three pictures above? They're all of pricks with teeth.

Fraulein, thank you for this very illuminating set of photos. Now that you mention it, there is such a resistance that I bet that they both have the same DNA. It's the same as a mole rat's, by the way.[center][/center]Nikolai, if you look at Comrade Waxman's most capacious nose, you realize that he has proven not, alas, the value of progdom, but evolution. Unfortunately he is proof that our ancestors are not what we thought and that the cannibals' name for humans, long pig, is right on target.Has anyone spotted the common denominator in the three pictures above? They're all of pricks with teeth.

Commissar,



Comrade Waxman is equally handsome, is he not. In the Glorious World of Next Tuesday people will not be judged by their outward appearance. We are in the process, and you know how much I enjoy the process, of fundamentally changing our nation. Up is now down, snow is now hot, Red is now Green and ugly we're talking hideous is now beautiful. Comrade Waxman has worked very hard to help bring this about. His appearance has scared many a small child and probably a lot of dogs had no bearing on his ability to perform the tasks given to him by Party leadership. I'm sure that his love actually I can't believe anyone that looks like that isn't bitter and spiteful for his fellow man.



I remain,

Dr. Chicago



INGSOC







[/quote]



Are we back to talking about "movements" again?



Dear Dr. Chicago, I'm afraid I'm on the verge of having to denounce you for the use of the "J" word - the glorious, open-minded collective, never ever "judges". The ugliest peeps are equal with the beautfiul peeps and we are not to notice any differences. (Comrade Waxman is just " beauteously challanged") But, not to worry, soon we shall be able to download our mental adjustments from Jiffy-Lobo directly from our iPods!

[/quote]Are we back to talking about "movements" again?Dear Dr. Chicago, I'm afraid I'm on the verge of having to denounce you for the use of the "J" word - the glorious, open-minded collective, never ever "judges". The ugliest peeps are equal with the beautfiul peeps and we are not to notice any differences. (Comrade Waxman is just " beauteously challanged") But, not to worry, soon we shall be able to download our mental adjustments from Jiffy-Lobo directly from our iPods!





One must denounce, maim, kidnap, blackmail and slander do what one must do to climb the bloody ladder to Party leadership for the party, but I must remind you of this;



My Dear Fraulein,One mustdo what one must dofor the party, but I must remind you of this; Commissar Theocritus Dr. Chicago, if you would care to, I offer you an internship at the corporate office of Jiffy-Lobo. You seem to be just the right sort of nasty sorry whining thieving sulking spitting sniffing prog bastard first-class progressive who would make very sure that all those cranial cavities were cleaned out and Bristol shape. After all, just a few more seconds with that MotoTool or the Meztenbaum scissors (used for nearly born abortions) can save a world of trouble.



I have accepted the internship at Jiffy-Lobo that has been offered by our most equal Commissar Theocritus. This internship will give me the protection that I need to begin my planned rise to supreme leader skills that will allow me to be of great service to the collective. One must start somewhere and Jiffy-Lobo is a fantastic opportunity for me to use the skills that I've already acquired and enjoy broaden my talents for the Party. It's for the children.



I remain,

Dr. Chicago

I have accepted the internship at Jiffy-Lobo that has been offered by our most equal Commissar Theocritus. This internship will give meskills that will allow me to be of great service to the collective. One must start somewhere and Jiffy-Lobo is a fantastic opportunity for me tobroaden my talents for the Party. It's for the children.I remain,Dr. Chicago

I confess to having had a hard night. I wondered if I'd traumatized my fellow comrades by posting my picture of Henry Waxman.



I quite agree with Dr. Chicago about how someone looking like Waxman might want revenge against the world although the good doctor is kinder than I am. I was on Google images and typed "fruit bat" and it came up with Waxman. I typed in "Lon Chaney" and it came up with Waxman. I typed "Bright enough to know it's hideous and mean enough to screw the world" and it came up with Waxman.



My dear Fraulein. The Collective never judges of course, when it's valuable not to judge. But please do remember that if any comrade is not sufficiently rigorous in socialist orthodoxy, it's the Red queen yelling, "Off with her head!"









I wish Father Prog Theocritus was alive now to witness the rise of AOC in the age of Trump.

Red Square



I wish Father Prog Theocritus was alive now to witness the rise of AOC in the age of Trump.



Rumor around State Tractor Barn #28 is that AOC was one of the first test subjects for the Jiffy-Lobo process. Unfortunately, the J-L development was at the point where it ridded the mind of thoughtkrime, but also of the ability to competently work in collective industry.

Rumor around State Tractor Barn #28 is that AOC was one of the first test subjects for the Jiffy-Lobo process. Unfortunately, the J-L development was at the point where it ridded the mind of thoughtkrime, but also of the ability to competently work in collective industry.

Red Square I wish Father Prog Theocritus was alive now to witness the rise of AOC in the age of Trump.



Imagine the things he could have come up with with AOC. Good lord he could have sculpted statue after golden statue with her.

Imagine the things he could have come up with with AOC. Good lord he could have sculpted statue after golden statue with her.