After years, I have finally discovered No. 1 use for mobile phone and Internet

Dear Sir/Madam,

Eureka eureka. The mission is accomplished. After years and years of waiting to see any benefit of Internet, I have finally discovered No. 1 use for mobile phone and Internet connection. And that use is human stupidity.

Internet is full of the best export quality human stupidity. Mr. Mathrubootham has not been so much happy since 2001 when Suhasini came back after four years of retirement and acted in critically acclaimed Paarvai Ondre Podhume.

And last two-three days I have been enjoying non-stop.

Maybe it was in 1998 or 1999. I was working in Baroda branch on deputation when one fellow came to our bank and said, “Hello everybody, myself Computer Kamaraj, computerisation expert from head office, Internet is coming.”

It was Monday, so immediately we went on strike for four days, went for a staff tour to Mount Abu, and came back next Monday.

After few months, Computer Kumar came back. He said you can go strike and do anything. But computerisation is compulsory and online means online. Everything will change. You name any banking problem, Internet and computer can solve.

I said ok, you imagine one local MLA has come to branch. MLA is saying I need gold loan, please take this gold. You say ok, let me check this gold item. After two minutes, you come back and tell MLA, “Sir I am sorry to inform that inside this box it is not gold item but some auto-rickshaw part covered in paint. Gold loan will not be possible.”

Then MLA will say, “Ha ha ha, this is common misunderstanding, whether servant of the people will ever behave like this, please call head office, they will confirm it is gold item. And exactly like that, head office will confirm on phone it is not auto-rickshaw gearbox, it is gold biscuit. Please arrange for loan.”

I asked, “Computer Karunakaran, you tell me how Internet will solve this problem?”

We never saw him again, later he became MLA somewhere in Andhra.

From the beginning itself I knew, Internet is all fraud only. But not anymore. Sir/ Madam, I have changed my opinion.

What happened you are thinking? Whether I have started using Facebook? No thanks, more than enough criminal fellows there in yoga class itself. Whether Mr. Mathrubootham is tweeting these days? No thanks. When once a month I can go for Residents Association meeting and freely insult other people, then what for a Twitter?

So what have I discovered?

Sir/ Madam, I have discovered new website called Reddit. Here there are separate sections for any topic. Cooking, cleaning, cricket, India... etc, etc. All that is useless. Best sections are for human beings doing stupid things. My favourite is Instant Regret.

How much I have been laughing last three-four days. Mrs. Mathrubootham came in and said, “Old man, finally it has happened, you are fully gone; I have been waiting since 2010.”

I said, “Kamalam, come and sit next to me on the sofa and you please see this.”

Ayyo, Sir/ Madam. How much we laughed. We haven’t laughed so much since third floor Murali’s daughter’s wedding invitation card was printed Wedding Deception instead of Wedding Reception.

One after other Reddit website has videos of people doing stupid things, and immediately getting punishment. America is full of youths trying to do gymnastics and crashing to the ground. In Russia nobody can drive. All over the world people are putting full drinks and falling out of bus and car and cycle.

So much comedy. Sir/ Madam, you should definitely try. When you get tired of writing newspaper full of tragedy stories, try some Reddit for relief.

Yours in non-stop exhilaration,

J. Mathrubootham