I'm a 21-year-old male student and I'm gay. I came out fairly recently and I'm feeling optimistic about my love life.

I've received a decent amount of sexual interest from other gay men and would like to have a relationship. But I'm terrified of bottoms. The thought of anal sex fills me with fear and is a serious turn-off. I enjoy oral sex and intimacy, but I realise that this isn't enough for most potential partners. I'm worried that if I do meet somebody I like, this will be a deal-breaker. Should I try to get over this phobia?

This is not a phobia, it's a preference, to which you are perfectly entitled. The idea that all gay men enjoy anal intercourse is a myth. If it's not for you, stop thinking that without complying you won't find partners. Most importantly, learn to recognise predators – and never allow yourself to be coerced into something you don't enjoy.

There are plenty of men out there who feel exactly the way you do and in time you'll meet some. Make your goal to enjoy intimacy within your own, very reasonable limits and if that's unacceptable to someone else, walk away. Setting boundaries is a very important aspect of creating true intimacy. Being sexually adventurous often leads to surprising eroticism. But whether one is gay, straight or bi, without saying no to things that make you uncomfortable, you'll never develop the sense of safety that's a necessary ingredient of any decent relationship.