Jurgen Norbert Klopp turns 50 on Friday – but the German has already made clear his disgust at cakes, so don’t say you weren’t warned.

Here, from the studio which brought you ‘Outstanding: Brendan Rodgers’ top 20 quotes‘, ‘Special: Jose Mourinho’s top 20 quotes,’ and ‘Phenomenal: Roberto Martinez in quotes’ and ‘Gravy and chips: Samuel ‘Sam’ Allardyce in quotes‘, we pick out some of the greatest quotes from Jurgen Norbert Klopp.

20. On losing the 2013 Champions League final: “The only thing I can say is that it was great. London is the town of the Olympic Games. The weather was good, everything is OK. Only the result is sh*t.”

19. On his playing days: “I never succeeded in bringing to the field what was going on in my brain. I had the talent for the fifth division, and the mind for the Bundesliga. The result was a career in the second division.”

18. On winning at least one trophy in four years at Liverpool: “When I sit here in four years I would say we won one title. If not next time [I will manage] in Switzerland.”

17. On rumours of Mats Hummels joining Manchester United: “If that’s not a bullsh*t story, I’ll eat a broomstick.”

16. On Bayern Munich: “We have a bow and arrow and if we aim well, we can hit the target. The problem is that Bayern has a bazooka. But then Robin Hood was quite successful.”

15. On purple bins: “We had a good plan in the first half but conceded two goals, so you can throw your plan in the purple bin.”

14. On Dortmund’s poor 2014: “The best news today is that football is over for 2014, any criticism that we receive now is justified. We are standing here like complete idiots and it’s completely our own fault.”

13. On beating Bayern 5-2 in the German Cup final in 2012: “It could have been a bit warmer.”

12. On Bayern Munich again: “At the moment, they are like the Chinese in the business world. They look at what others are doing and copy it, just with more money.”

11. On remaining discreet in public: “In extreme situations, you have to think fast. At one of my mates’ stag parties, we all dressed up as Father Christmas – fully masked.”

10. On Arsene Wenger: “He likes having the ball, playing football, passes. It’s like an orchestra. But it’s a silent song. I like heavy metal.”

9. On his wife: “She wrote a book for children. It’s like Harry Potter – but it’s about football. There’s no Harry Potter flying on his f***ing stick – just football.”

8. On an Alberto Moreno goal being ruled out in a defeat to Newcastle: “We made our goal but because we weren’t good enough today the linesman thought: ‘Well, you don’t make world class goals if you play this sh*t’.”

7. On losing to Crystal Palace – the only defeat in his first ten Liverpool games: “I would really like to change my personality, but I can’t forget this f***ing loss against Crystal Palace.”

6. On Henrikh Mkhitaryan: “Mkhitaryan fits us like an arse on a bucket. What he offers is exactly what we need.”

5. On Mario Gotze: “Gotze has gone because he is Guardiola‘s personal chosen signing and he wants to play with Guardiola, in his style. It’s my fault. I can’t make myself 15cm shorter or start speaking Spanish.”

4. On Barcelona: “I show my team very often Barcelona but not the way they play. Just the way they celebrate goals. Goal no 5768 in the last few weeks and they go ‘Yeeeess’ like they never scored a goal. This is what I love about football. That’s what you have to feel all the time. Until you die. And then everything is OK.”

3. On explaining to a Schalke fan how to win the Bundesliga: “How do you explain to a blind person what colour is?”

2. On himself: “The problem with my life is that I’ve said too much sh*t in the past and no-one forgets it.”

1. On his first red card as a manager: “I’m a bit proud of my first red card as a coach. I approached the fourth official and said: ‘How many mistakes are allowed here? If it’s 15, you have one more.'”