However, the Supreme Court, like any other court in the land, hears more than one case per day. This means that it does happen, however rarely, that the justices are forced to preside over bullshit. And since the justices are human beings just like us, they can't help but call it out when they see it ...

When people picture what goes on in the Supreme Court, they imagine austere justices arguing and deliberating on issues that will decide the fate of Law itself.

5 "But Bertman's Counsel (So Far as the Record Shows) Is Not Superman ..."

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One of the most smartass rulings in Supreme Court history came about because of some spoiled tomatoes. In short, a tomato supplier named Joseph Bertman got sued by the U.S. government because the goods arrived spoiled. The court sided with Bertman because it wasn't his fault -- it was the shipping company's screwup.

Now, if you lose a court case and want to appeal, you have 60 days to file it. And if the government was going to appeal this case, Bertman was going to have to respond within that same deadline. So the government simply waited to file until right before closing time on the 60th day, so Bertman wouldn't have a chance to do his part.

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Bertman fought the government's dickery all the way to the Supreme Court, where Justice Hugo Black put Bertman's predicament into words we can all understand:

"I am aware of the argument that an able, alert, ever-diligent lawyer could have, had he tried hard enough, discovered that the Government had appealed -- even in the closing hours of the sixtieth day. I do not doubt that had Bertman's counsel been Superman, his X-ray eyes would have told him that a notice of appeal was being filed blocks away in the courthouse, or had he been a lawyer with no clients but Bertman he could have spent the sixtieth day hovering at the clerk's office to see whether the Government would file a notice of appeal. But Bertman's counsel (so far as the record shows) is not Superman, nor should the law expect him to be."

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Though it did turn out that he was the Incredible Hulk.

The Verdict:

Despite Justice Black's eloquent argument, Bertman lost. Technically, Uncle Sam didn't break any laws, and unfortunately the courts are there to declare only what is illegal, not what is merely shitty. The lesson is apparently that the next time you're up against the government, maybe you should hire Superman as your lawyer.