Ikea, the Swedish company that invented yellow and blue, has changed its mind about building a store in St. Louis. A company spokesman announced simply, “Have you SEEN the intersection of Forest Park Parkway and Vandeventer?!”

Up till recently, no one from the company had actually seen what it looks like in that area of St. Louis. “You know how things always look so much nicer on Google Street View,” explained 88 year old founder Ingvar Kamprad from his self-constructed home in Haparanda, Sweden.

Construction of the new Ikea store was set to begin this summer with completion in the fall of 2045. Sooner if we don’t use the contractors who built Ball Park Village. But it appears these plans will now be stuffed in a drawer next to our plans for a St. Louis Aquarium. The only hope, one spokesperson who talks funny said, is if we’re willing to allow them to ship all the parts to us and we construct the store ourselves. Instructions will be included with the shipment.