Icepinkeskimo Fri 16-Mar-18 23:51:18

I met my DP around 18 months ago, I had been single for some time, after my divorce and lonely. I have a great career which I love, and on the face of it had everything except children and someone who loved me as I would love them.



So by chance I met what I thought was the man of my dreams, but it has turned into a living nightmare. He has 3 DC from a previous relationship, so on the face of it all great, except it isn't.



I have my own property and he moved in fairly quick, which I was level headed about thinking that if it didn't work out we would split amicably. We have the DC over approx once or twice a month they are lively and fun and loving, just great kids, no problems with them or the ex, who I have never met as she lives the other side of the country.



So everything started well, until DP had to visit his family, I couldn't go due to work commitments, but it was only a Friday to Sunday so no worries. However the worry started when he returned on the Sunday night. He arrived back and I can only describe his behaviour as erratic. First his voice was really hoarse, he was constantly scratching and clawing at his skin and he to put it bluntly was a paranoid belligerent bastard. I went to bed and left him to it, I pick my battles and something deep inside told me not to pick one.



To cut a long story short I found out over the space of the next six months I am living with what they term a high functioning heroin addict. He works hard, but as soon as the weekend comes around he goes around to his friends place and smokes heroin. Tonight is again such a night, he will either return home around midnight or approx 4pm tomorrow. Things have escalated to the point where it can now happen on any day where he is stressed out.



He has turned into a vile selfish self obsessed jealous individual who's only love is for himself and his drug of choice. I have thrown him out 3 times already but he returns in a diabolical state and stupidly I let him in the house.



I have begged him to seek help, consider rehab, and remind him that his children need their father, but all I get are promises that he has no intention of keeping.



I know by letting him back in I am enabling him, but my heart breaks every time he appears at the door looking dreadful and ill. Then I think about the DC and this also adds to the heartache.



He tells me he loves me but I feel and believe the only thing he does love about me is the beautiful house I worked so hard for, use of a great car, and basically every material thing I have. I feel so stupid, it feels like he targeted me because he knew I was lonely, and down and financially solvent.



Last night it kicked of again, I cooked dinner and he just went into a rant because the cats bowl hadn't been washed up straight away. He called me a fucking scruffy cunt, I realised he had started this tirade as an excuse to go class A tonight. I went to bed, because I'm exhausted from the endless cycle of verbal abuse.



I have to accept I can't stop or save him, but the thought of throwing him out with no place to go, and that I will never see the DC again is breaking my heart. I just can't deal with it he's worn me down now to the point where nothing matters anymore. The only escape I get is work, I just drive myself harder into it, and block my personal life out.



I can't see a way out, he's destroyed me.