There was once a time when the Internet was emerging from it's previous status as a futuristic buzzword, a super-service that only the most high-powered of online service power users knew or cared about. It was coming into the public eye as a new technology that was going to be used for great things and expand our horizons and all that. Of course, it wasn't. Nobody anticipated that it was going to be a massive sea of useless drek. Spam offering mortgage rates that make your penis bigger, Angelfire candyraver pages, pop-ups, that picture of some old guy's rectum, Bonzi Buddy, Hotline server administrators, and all the other bullshit that occupies today's internet was totally unimaginable. Of course, it goes without saying that people dressing up like skunks and fucking each other were also totally unimaginable. We mean it when we say that nobody (no, not even Al Gore) fucking saw this shit coming. After all, it was the (early) nineties, and there was plenty of time for Klax.



See? Plenty of time. FOR KLAX. LAUGH GODDAMNIT.

It is during this time that the furries started to become noticed. Not by the rest of mainstream geekery; that was a few years off. No, I'm talking about the staff of Warner Animation, which was enjoying some degree of success with Tiny Toons and later Animaniacs. These shows tried (and sometimes succeeded) to relive the subversive slapstick glory of the WB cartoons from decades past. The reaction was often favorable, but a tiny problem became apparent when the wacko mail started piling in.

People were fixating on certain characters in ways they perhaps shouldn't be fixated on. Certain individuals were hammering the voice actors, writers and animators with unwanted attention and (even less wanted) information on the prurient nature of their fixations. In other words, enough people were mailing WB's studios wanting to see Babs Bunny naked that it started to become something of a problem. Extreme weirdo fans are nothing new to Hollywood, but given the fact that these were Saturday morning cartoons, it was beginning to get a little worrisome for the animation team.

Not much is known about these "stalker fans". They were furries, that much is obvious. The fact that they may very well have been the first furries most people in the animation industry encountered was a recipe for long-term catastrophe. They obviously didn't represent the majority of Tiny Toons fans; they didn't even represent the majority of furrydumb at the time. Few names are attached to these stalker types; we at CYD only know of two( 1 ), and one of them is of pivotal importance.

We're talking about Dennis "Quozl" Falk. Yeah, long setup, but it was kinda necessary. This article is dedicated to his unnaturally long and obscure history of exploits. What is known of him is somewhat limited, but what we have found constitutes a bombshell. Falk was one of many who took part in shaping the furry community into an instrument of endless horror. As we're about to see, his antics helped to ensure that their "fandom" would be forever separated from the authors of the works it had originally come together to appreciate. Our story begins in 1994, when Mr. Falk makes his debut on the stage of epic retardation.

Falk proudly displays his greasy T-shirt and

putrid visage. I would like to point out

that the hair is particularly evil-looking,

and appears to be trying to absorb his glasses.

As one of these stalker fans, he was quite interested in Tress MacNielle. A legendary voice actress, she was not only the voice of Babs Bunny but is also well-known for roles in everything from The Simpsons and The Critic to the computer game Full Throttle. Falk, along with several others, somehow got hold of her contact information and started hammering her with obscene mail containing various sex fantasies about the characters she voiced.

Obviously she was a great deal disturbed by them (and who wouldn't be?), because shortly afterward she canceled various stops on her Warner Bros. Studio Store tour that would have brought her somewhat close to the places from which the letters originated. This was done either on her own volition or on the advice of an agent/advisor who doubted her personal safety. It was something of a letdown for those who happened to live in those areas who had a legitimate interest in the show(s) she did.

The statements she gave to the public on the matter mentioned "stalker fan"(s) that "wouldn't leave her alone and asked inappropriate questions". Over on FidoNet( 2 ), Dennis "Quozl" Falk was eventually identified as one of the principal players. When he was found out, Falk didn't seem alarmed. He didn't deny a thing and some say he even basked in the attention.

Either before or shortly after the stalking incident (we can't nail down a date), Tom Ruegger (one of the writers for and co-creators of the Tiny Toons show) was interviewed on TV, and related the stalking incidents as one of the reasons for losing interest and moving on to Animaniacs. He said he was fed up with the "internet fans", adding that the final episode of the show (a Halloween special) contained a satirical poke at "the main guy". Falk was indirectly caricatured in that episode as "The world's most terrifying creature", an overweight, pathetic, obsessive, mumbling loser who talked about various flaws in the visual presentation and wondered aloud when Fifi LeFume would get her own show.( 3

Falk's story doesn't end with his contributions to the demise of the cartoon he had such a pathological affection for. He emerged onto Usenet round about 1995, and as for the posts he made.. well, SHITTING FUCK MCHOLY comes close to describing them. Here's some choice quotes:

"Well, who could deny there is something going on sexually in the Springtime scene in "Bambi"?

and

"...But nothing quite as erotic as the Easter bunny fantasies I've had since I was 10..."

Both come from from this newsgroup post and ARE NOT TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT. SWEET MOTHER OF, I MEAN MY GOD. It gets worse. Behold an attempt at poetry:





"Furry Love", a poem.

Copyright (c) 1992, 1994 Dennis M. "Quozl" Falk



FURRY LOVE

==========



The sun shines, breaking through the tree outside our window,

awaking me from my restful sleep,

awaking to the sight of your pretty face

awash with a contented smile as you dream.

I hesitate to wake you, my pretty squirrel,

for I, too am awash with happiness, knowing we are together

alive with love.



You stretch as the morning rays gently carress your silky fur,

wiping the finale of your night's dreams away

to awake with a smile

and a "Good morning, Honey".

I reply in kind, with a gentle kiss

and a warm embrace.



Oh, how I remember fondly our strolls in the moonlight

as we exchanged our love for one another

-How it sets my heart beating

to know that you love me as much as I you...



I know our Furry love will last...



Dennis M. Falk, aka

....Quozl"





Could this be the FRUITIEST THING EVER WRITTEN? We'll leave you to ponder that question while you recover from it's blasphemous and unearthly attempts at prose. Google Groups is a terrible weapon, folks. There's stuff we've found on this guy that even we have come to wish we didn't know. The man defines shameless. He would discuss the problems of keeping skunks as pets in one group and then go and contemplate the quandary of trying to acquire bestiality porn in another. A connoisseur of Tiny Toons porn and writer of several "TTBS lemons"( 4 ), he defended his sexual pride and joy as parody or freedom of expression or whatever gained the maximum possible sympathy from those who would listen.