♪♪ [ Thunder crashes ] CRYSTAL:[ Screams ] Mommy! Mommy! He's gonna get me! Honey, honey,who's gonna get you? The president!I saw him! He's gonna get me! Crystal, the presidentisn't going to get you. But I saw him! See what I told you? It's that liberal schoolshe's going to, filling her headwith all kinds of garbage. Sweetie, the president is doingthe best job he can. Your liberal schoolis just trying to convince youhe's dangerous. But -- But, Daddy,he's gonna -- Unh-unh.No "buts." The president isin the White House, not here tryingto get you, okay? Okay.All right. We're having a talk withthat school in the morning. Goodnight, honey. [ Thunder crashes ] ♪♪ Hey! How aremy approval ratings? [ Screams ] [ Thunder rumbles ] REPORTER: And the latest reports are now saying that over a million Canadians were killed in the nuclear blast. The bomb dropped by the U.S. President took out the entire city of Toronto and fallout is expected to kill thousands more in the coming days. Ike. Ike,I'm sorry that I... 'caused a nuclear bombto be dropped on Canada. I was just -- You know, I was just trying to get shows that were toxictaken down. You know, those showscan be really harmful. Oh, stop beinga victim. Jesus Christ!

to preach your political viewsto my children?! Our daughterwoke up with nightmares that the presidentwas going to get her. Just becausetwo liberals happen to be principaland vice principal doesn't meanyou can brainwash my kids! Uh, we sort of havesome bigger problems right now, Mister, uh... It's White.Bob White. You've probably never evenheard of our family, huh? Well, the Whites have been heresince the beginning! Not that it matters. 'Cause no one caresabout the Whites! Sure, everyone elsehas problems, but does anyone ever askthe Whites how they're doing? Mr. White, we assure youthat we run the school in a very...professional manner and don't let...personal emotions get in the way. Oh, sure you don't! You know how hardI had to fight to even getthis meeting with you? "Oh, who wantsto talk to the administration?" "Oh, it's just the Whites?" "Aw, who cares about the Whites?They're fine." Well, we've just abouthad it you... ♪ If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right ♪ ♪ I don't wanna be right ...and, damn it,we won't be ignored! I'm sorry. Is anyone elsehearing "(If Loving You is Wrong)I Don't Want to Be Right" Uh, no.Mr. and Mrs. White, we promise that we will notlet anything happen that might bring the integrityof this school into question. Guess that's all the Whitescan hope for these days.

[ Thunder crashes ] Hey! [ Screams ] How aremy approval ratings? It's the president![ Screams ] Wait, come back!What's wrong?! Still no wordfrom the president as his 'Splatty Tomato'approval rating drops toan unprecedented 3%. This puts the presidentfour points below "Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature." Meanwhile,the Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, called uponCanadians to stand strong. Make no mistake, America. If you do not hand overyour president, there will be war the likesof which you have never seen. Canadianswill rise together. I call on all Canadians here and abroad to stand with their country. The U.S. President must answer for his crime. And only Canada can bring him to justice. ♪♪

There, there, Tweek.Everything is gonna be okay. I saw what I saw, Craig!You have to believe me! What's going on? Tweek's havinga panic attack. It was real!He tried to get me! Who did? The president! It's just yourimagination, Tweek. It's not his imagination. I saw him, too. You saw the president? Out by the quarry,but I didn't believe it. I said, "How couldthis be --" The president?I saw him, too. He had a blue suitand an orange face. He kept asking me,"How are my --" TOKEN: "How aremy approval ratings?" I saw him, too. Dude, isn't this allreally familiar? I saw somethingjust like this on that show called"Stranger --" "Stranger Things." "Stranger Things" is the show.I saw it, too. But wait, isn't"Stranger Things" justlike that movie -- Just like that movie "It." You saw it, too? Yeah, I saw itin the theater. I saw "Stranger Things" and "It." Jesus. I don't think anyone'simagining anything. I think the president is here. You kidsget inside somewhere. I have to warn the town. Ugh!

All right, people.People, please. We need everyoneto try and stay calm. How can we stay calmwhen the president's out therescaring our children?! Look, we all wantthe president out of here. It's just a matterof how we do it. I know you allwant to get rid of him. That's not true. The Whites stillsupport the president! Oh, for [bleep] sake,White, he's running around eating our petsand terrorizing our kids! You think Hillarywould have been any better? [ Shouting, booing ] MAN:Just sit down, Bob! I'm just sayin'!I'm just sayin'! Listen, everyone.I have a team right now that's trying to locatethe president, and I'd like you to hearfrom Officer Bright, who's leading the search. Hey, folks.We know you're all concerned, but I want to assure you that weare doing everything we can to track the president downand have him safely removed. Since the president was givena splatty tomato, he's become very desperateand very dangerous. If you see the president,do not approach him. Do not tryto reason with him. Most importantly, rememberthat this is the president, so you cannot shoot him.All right? You can't even talkabout shooting him. Don't even... do any coy satirical takeson shooting him. Okay, good. What we're trying to do here is just get the presidentto go away. We're gonna be handing outpadlocks like this one so everyone can lock uptheir garbage. If we don't feed the president,hopefully he'll just move on. Are there any questions? Can we talk abouta friend shooting him if it's in a sort ofa sarcastic way? No, no, no.Now, it's - it's just best to avoid that kind of talkaltogether. Remember,they can do to you what they didto Kathy Griffin. Made her not funnyfor 30 years? That's right. So best thing is justlock up your garbage and see if we can getthe president to go away.

Jesus. Now kidsare going missing. We're allgonna be missing soon! [ Exclaims ] Kyle! It's my fault. Ike went to go take mattersinto his own hands. I have to find him. We'll help you. We'll all help you. Guys, this could bereally dangerous. You're not going. You promised tonightwe'd have a date night. Darling, this is a littlemore pressing than date night. Oh, great. So, Kyle's stupid brothergoes missing, and I get [bleep] How come I'm always the onegetting shit on around here? I don't need anyoneto go with me. Oh, what's the matter,Kyle? Don't want me aroundbecause you had the hots for me and I shut you down? I would never have the hotsfor the person you are now. STAN:Come on, you guys. Look, we all know whatwe're supposed to do now. We all saw "It"and "Stranger Things." We need to get our backpacksand go out to woods and save the town from evilto some kick-ass '80s' music!

Hello, joining usfor lunch today? Uh, yes. We are here withour student of the day to reward him lunch with the principaland vice principal. We havea reservation. Okay, last name? Woman. First name. Strong. Oh, yes, Strong Woman,here we are. We have a nice boothset up for you. We can'tkeep doing this. People are gonnasee through it. Is it my faultthat I found the most amazing, perfect,beautiful woman... at work? Nobodywill understand. Maybe they will. We're co-workerswho are in love. You really that'sgoing to bother people? Well, should weorder now?

[ Whistles softly ] RANDY: What are youdoing, Bob? Aah! Have you been putting food outfor the president? No, I was just, uh, taking these finger sandwichesto the trash. We all agreed not to feed himso he'd go away. We didn't all agree! You all agreed! Nobody asked the Whiteshow they felt! Nobody cares what the Whiteshave to say! Bob, come on. You have to know it's not safeto have him here. In 2003,Hillary Clinton admitted to taking fundsfor her foundation from foreign diplomats! What's that got to dowith anything, Bob? Come on. It's [bleep] true! Bob, if Canada finds outthe president is hiding here, they are goingto nuke us. He needs to go. Hillary wouldn't have beenany better. Give methe finger sandwiches. Fine! Go ahead and takethe White's sandwiches! They've takeneverything else! [ The Chicago Bears'"The Super Bowl Shuffle" plays ]

♪ Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you ♪ ♪ We're so bad we know we're good ♪ ♪ Blowin' your mind like we knew we would ♪ ♪ We're not here to start no trouble ♪ ♪ We're just here to do the Super Bowl shuffle ♪ Dude, this is'80s' music? Yeah. It's Pandora.'80s channel. Well, just skipto the next song, man. We're trying to get psychedto destroy evil. We need better'80s' music than that. ♪ Gloria ♪ You're always on the run now ♪ ♪ Running after somebody ♪ You gotta get him somehow ♪I think you've got to slow down ♪ Heidi.Honey, what are you doing? This is the place -- This is the place where Iended it all, remember? This is whereI threw my phone off the bridge and quit Twitter for good. I was so different then... so naive and hopeful. Yes, honey, now,can we get going, please? I'm sorry! I'm trying to havea moment here! This is where our wholerelationship started, asshole! Yes, it's very touching,sweetheart. I love you so much. [ Quietly ] I'm sorryabout this, you guys. I remember feelinglike I had nobody. Skinny bitch. We need tokeep going, guys.

We haven't gottenthe President out of here. And there's some worse news. A bunch of kidshave gone missing. -What?-I think we have to assume that the President has...eaten them. [ Cries ] Why are you heretalking to me instead of tryingto find the President?! Don't worry, we're close.He's out in the woods somewhere. And we've set up a fox trap. A fox trap? [ Mouse squeaking ] [ Insects chirping ] [ Mouse shrieks ] [ Thud in distance ] Oh, Fox News... They'll listen to me. They'll get my sideof the story right! [ Imitates bird call ] It's a trap! What? It's a Fox trap,Mr. President! Oh, thank Godfor the Whites... ♪ Hold on to the nights Ike! Ike?!

♪ Hold on to the memories Dude. Come on! This is notkick-ass '80s music! "Hold On to the Nights"Richard Marx. 1988. Do we really need music? Yeah! Craig just hasthe wrong stuff. Forget your Pandora.I'm doing Spotify. '80s music. 'Kay.There. ♪ I've got Pac-Man fever ♪ Pac-Man fever Oh, yeah.That's better. Can we go please?! ♪ I've got Pac-Man fever ♪ Pac-Man fever ♪ I'm going out of my mind ♪ Going out of my mind KYLE: Here it is. [ Door creaks opens ] Ike? Wait a minute... Isn't this the placeyou brought me before? The place you said your friendssmashed your phone and computer...? I rememberI felt so bad for you. We used to sit in the parkand talk for hours. How come we never do thatanymore? Oh, [bleep]. Here we go. Here we go what?! You used to beso nice to me. You used to be nice to me! I tried! But then you startedrolling your eyes every time I triedto talk to you!Ughhh... He's not here either. Dude, maybe your brother Didn't even go lookingfor the President. You don't understandCanadians. They're fiercely loyalto their country. When Canada is attacked,they all join in the fight. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪

Randy! Randy! What?They got him! They found the President! We found his hideout.There. [ Eerie whispering ] Someone's gottago flush him out. I'll be ready to trap him. I'll do it. Hey, hey! Just rememberhe's been eating animals and living like a monster.Just... prepare yourselffor what you're about to see. [ Insects chirping ] Oh, my God! What the -- Principaland Vice Principal...? I told youwe couldn't hide. But... But you two work together --[ Gags ] You two work togeth--[ Vomits ] [ Vomiting continues ] Hey, what the hell'sgoing on?! They're together! Who's together? The Principaland the Vice Principal! They can't be together!They're co-workers! [ Vomits ] Wait, wait. You meanhe's actually her superior and they were in there --[ Gags ] [ Vomiting ] Who would want to puttheir penis in a co-worker?! [ Gags, vomits ] [ All vomiting ]

♪ Knowingit ain't really smart ♪ ♪ The Jokerain't the only fool ♪ ♪ Who'll doanything for you ♪ Oh, my God! Look! ♪ Laying out another lie These are Ike'stoy binoculars! He was here! Ike! I rememberthis place too... This is where you brought meon Halloween. Remember? [ Sarcastically ] Yes, darling,wasn't it romantic? No!It wasn't romantic. There was a witch and you had medress up like Gretel and... [gasps] you were tryingto get me killed! Sweetheart, you made me late tothe pumpkin patch, remember? I was hurt. -You were hurt! You were the victim. I'm glad you understand. Who turned you into this, Heidi? Shut up!Skinny-ass bitch! You don't knowanything! Heidi, I think spooky walkin the woods is making you lose ita little bit. STAN: Guys! I'm seriously dehydratedand starving. I'm pretty sick of this shit, so you better-- Aah!

Maybe Heidi went therewith her boyfriend! She would have calledby now. I just talkedto the McKormicks. They haven't seen Tweek or Craigsince yesterday. Randy! Did you find anything? Sharon...I-I... What is it?What did you find? The...There's...Ugh... Tell me!You have to tell me! Oh, God.What did you see?! You don't want to know. You have to tell me!I can take it! Did you findour son's arm? Did you find himtorn apart? What?! The Principal and Vice Principalare, like...together. [ Vomits ]Aww! [ High-pitched horn blows ]