I’m on top of the world, I can see the future and it’s beautiful. I have what I want and people to share it with. I see them standing in the usual spot. Why are they here? I thought they left. They see me and smile, My Friends. I have those now, friends? This isn’t right, I lost them, I lost everything when they found out. No, they aren’t smiling, they’re laughing at me. Why are they laughing? I look down and see the ground start to crumble. I fall, but I don’t hit the ground, there is no ground. How far can I fall?

Atheist. That’s my label. It is burned into me and it burns the people around me. I am different, I’ve always been different, but now I can’t see anything. I don’t know what is going to happen anymore, I have lost my sight. I have lost my crown, and now my kingdom is in flames. Those flames form the world around me. They are so bright and colorful but they burn, they burn so bright.

Wake up, don’t start like this again.

I open my eyes and see gray. I put on my gray clothes and eat my gray breakfast. Why is everything gray? Why am I crying?

Calm down, take your medicine.

I go to my room and take my little blue pill. Something’s wrong. I can’t breathe.

Breathe, this is just another day you’re going to get through it like the rest. You aren’t going to drown.

Somehow I breathe, and sit in the living room waiting for Rae, my sister, to get ready for school. I close my eyes and let myself drift away.

I’m at school, happy. I move through the hall, Devon waves at me and I wave back, Albany smiles at me and I nod back. I look around and find my group, the seniors, they welcomed me into their group when I was a freshman, and them sophomores. They are leaving soon, but that’s ok, I have other friends, I’m going to be starting my own group soon.

“Gage,” I open my eyes, “It’s time to go!” I shuffle out the door and get into the car.

That was last year, they are all gone and now you’re alone.

“Gage are you okay today?”

No.

“Yeah Mom I’m fine.”

“You promise?”

No.

“Would I lie to you?”

All you do is lie, everything is a lie and it’s your fault.

“Are you picking us up from school today or is Dad?”

“I have to take your grandma to the doctor today so your dad will have to.”

“Why does she have to go this time?”

“Same as always, blood transfusion. Alright we’re here have a good day.”

“You too, Mom.”

You shouldn’t have let her see you broken, she has enough to worry about.

I open the door and step out of the car, but just before my foot hits the ground everything changes. Everything turns from gray into black. I see Devon and I know he won’t see me, to his left is Albany, I know she has seen me by the scowl on her face.

Melt now Gage, melt away.

Boom. My foot hits the ground and I see color again, too much color. I can’t stop it now, it’s too late, and I’m melting again. Why am I always melting? Tomorrow will be different.

That’s what you always say