Brooklyn Nine-Nine is one of my favourite TV Shows, one that I am dreadfully behind on right now. I plan to correct that as soon as possible, especially after it was shockingly cancelled earlier this year only to be rescued by Netflix almost immediately!

Captain Raymond Holt is without a doubt my favourite character, and as today is Andre Braugher’s birthday, today seemed the perfect day to share my favourite Raymond Holt quotes! Here they are, in no particular order…

#1 Whilst watching a dog show

[chuckles] A bold personality.

We know what that’s code for.

She’s a bitch.

#2 When he finally embraced the joy of codenames

VELVET THUNDER!

#3 When he had to pretend to be straight whilst undercover

[You keep talking about her thigh gap]

That’s my favourite part of a woman.

There’s nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.

#4 When we found out his thoughts on the sky

[Would you tell the sky to stop being so blue?]

Yes. I wish it were tan.

[What?]

It’s my favourite color. It’s no-nonsense.

#5 When he tried to raise the team’s morale

Why is no one having a good time?

I specifically requested it.

#6 When he insulted Madeline Wunch (on one of many occasions)

[Hello, Raymond. How do you like my new office? Twentieth floor.]

Yes, I never thought I’d see you this high without a broom under you.

#7 When he embraced his childhood

[I was trying to lighten the mood. The squad’s been stressed since these drills started. Plus, you ordered me to act like a seven-year-old. Seven-year-olds like to have fun.]

That’s true. When I was seven, I used to sneak into my father’s office to see his collection of antique globes.

#8 When he was the friend we all need

Any basic bitch would be lucky to be like you.

#9 When he could not even

[My trip here from the train station hey, I swear to you I heard the cab driver mumble under his breath, “You will die tonight.” Is that not the most insane thing you have ever heard? I mean, can you even, Raymond?]

I cannot even.

#10 When he didn’t care for lunch

[Joining us for lunch, Sir?]

Oh, no, I’ve already consumed the required calories for this day period.

[Yummy.]

So tell me, because I could have quite easily made this a Top 50 list, heck I could do a Top 10 simply of Wunch insults, what’s your favourite Captain Raymond Holt quote?