So, to start this off, do you want to tell me a little bit about yourself or your experience with mental health?

I’m in 3A Chemical Engineering. I’ve become more involved in talking about mental health and more aware of it. When I first came to Waterloo, I realized there was a lot of people raising awareness and trying to end the stigma surrounding mental health, but my involvement was just on the surface, I wasn’t really digging deep into the cause.

I’d say I dealt with a bunch of stuff in high school, but it wasn’t as severe. In university I dealt with a few heavier issues, especially during co-op. When I worked a co-op in Dubai after 2A, I was basically on my own; there were no students in the company, and I didn’t really have an idea of what I wanted out of the job. I arranged the job myself so the company had never dealt with a student intern before, it was all very new to them. Dubai as a city was also very new to me despite being born there, and living there for three months of my life as a baby. It was definitely a different environment — huge skyscrapers, fast cars — it was such a busy and impersonal city.

I struggled with not having the strong support system that I have at university and back home, so I began to feel a bit too anxious about my health, and experienced a lot of intrusive thoughts. I’d notice a little skin tag on my finger that I never noticed and start thinking I might have skin cancer or something like that. I didn’t have anyone else around to sort of negate or counter thoughts like that.

I later thought I was going crazy because two years ago in Waterloo, I lived with someone dealing with hallucinations. I thought to myself, “they smoked weed. I smoked weed. What if I develop their symptoms?” When I started working in Dubai, I had just quit weed, not because I wanted to but because it was illegal at the time. I guess the withdrawal kind of surfaced the anxiety for me. There were times where I was afraid to go out and be around places with a lot of noise or a lot of stimulus. It would just get to me and I would think I was hearing things when I was not. Like someone would move their cup on the counter and I would think I heard a whisper to me or something. It was a pretty bad couple of months.

When I came back to Waterloo, I was already stressed out. I just wanted to take school slow and didn’t want to do that much work. And that’s when I fell into depression. I wouldn’t go to classes, I would sleep in most days. I didn’t put enough effort into assignments. I would kind of leech off of my little study group. I think most of the depression had to do with feeling a sudden surge of homesickness, coming from Lebanon. I’d like to think that I got better after taking an eight month co-op in Alberta and unwinding from school. But it’s getting to the point where there’s too much unwinding, and where I need to get my act together. I’ve gotten a bit more involved in things outside of academics than I have been last year. I joined an a cappella group and am also visiting Toronto a lot.

Are you finding that getting involved is helping you?

Well, back in first year, when I was involved in a lot of clubs, I used to be more proactive and got assignments done ahead of time to make room for extracurriculars. Right now, I’m sort of struggling to get back into that because it feels like doing extra work to stay on top of things. At times, I just want to chill at home, watch a movie or something.

Yesterday was pretty bad for me. I was dealing with a few relationship problems, which prompted me to go see a counsellor again. I realized that that event kind of spiraled down into me having thoughts of self-doubt and sadness. Like, “oh I’m not getting a job, it’s because I didn’t get a good evaluation, because I didn’t put enough work into the role”. And then the homesickness resurfaced. It definitely was an emotional day for me.

So you said you’re working with counselling? Is that counselling services on campus?

Yeah, I will be. I just booked an appointment. I went to some counselors on campus last year too. One of them was a counsellor at Health Services, and I thought I was making some progress with them, but after the second appointment, they had to reschedule twice and it seemed like none of the dates were working out for me. So then I booked an appointment with a counselor at the Engineering Office. I guess I was kind of disappointed because it took a long time. I think booking appointments has gotten better this term. Since I made time to visit the Engineering Office a bit earlier in the term, I got an appointment within a week, which is pretty good.

One thing I want to mention about my previous counsellor from Health Services, is that I feel like they might not have been the right fit for me. When I saw someone at the Engineering Office afterwards, it felt like my mood improved a lot. Not every counsellor is the same, and it might take some time to find the right one, but it’s worth the journey.

It sounds like a lot of what helped you to be successful through your early years here is that you had a really strong support network at the school.

I had many floormates in V1 who helped out a lot. I guess that’s sort of why I didn’t do so well last year. I was living with people who weren’t in my program or from V1. They were a group of friends who were subletting from my past roommates, all in a world of their own. If I knew them before they moved in I think I would have put in more effort to hang out with them and might not have felt so lonely.

Right now I’m living with people in my class whom I’ve known since first year, so it’s going much better for me.

Do you have any advice for how people can support you? Like how you would want your friends to help you through whatever you’re going through at the time?

I guess people should always check up on someone, especially if they seem like they’ve been dealing with a lot. Obviously, it’s up to the person’s discretion on how much they want to talk about what they’re going through. But it’s important that friends ask how you’re doing, just to make sure you know that you’re supported. It’s reassuring to know that there are people looking out for you and that you’re not alone.

Other than that, I make very irrational decisions sometimes, and that can frustrate a lot of people. I’m not trying to tell people to be okay with my — or your friend’s — irrational decisions and keep letting them happen, but definitely take the time to talk with your friend about these issues and see how they can better solve them. Just don’t lash out I guess, especially towards someone who’s been dealing with mental health issues.

Do you have advice for people who don’t know as much about mental health or are looking to get more involved with mental health on campus?

Definitely look into the organization Stand Up To Stigma. There’s also another lesser known group called UW Burst Your Bubble. Some groups on campus even focus on how to deal with university-induced stress more than your own personal mental health, if you’re looking into that.

You could also look into the EngSoc Mental Health blog (hehe), and talk about mental health more. Just ask around. Work towards breaking the stigma, so mental health is as easy to talk about as the weather.

MATES is also a Feds group that offers peer counselling to UW students, and they’re always looking for volunteers, especially Engineering students as I’ve recently learned.

Thinking back, do you have any advice you’d give to your first-year self? Or to any first year dealing with mental health issues.

Definitely give yourself some me time rather than just locking yourself up in your room to work on assignments. There comes a point where your mental health matters more than that bonus problem or that final assignment question or the tiny detail you need to add to your report. If you feel like you’re going to break, you need to set some time aside for yourself to relax. And it can be anything; people relax by watching TV episodes, or have a cup of tea and breathe deeply, or take a walk.

Back in Dubai, I picked up mindfulness meditation and I think it helped me break out of those anxious loops of thought by reminding me to stay grounded and focus on my breathing. There was also an online program I used called MoodGYM made by university students at ANU, an Australian university. It introduced you to the basics of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Like MATES, it definitely wasn’t a replacement for actually seeing a counsellor who is professionally trained and can tailor CBT to your needs, but it helped me with unwarping my thoughts and breaking out of negative thought patterns.

I also wish I didn’t only commit to meditation and MoodGYM at extreme situations. I wish I looked at developing these habits ahead of time, when I was feeling fine. Look into things, even when you’re not feeling bad. For example, I often wait to act until there is an extreme situation. Like if I realize I’m in bad shape, I go to the gym for a few weeks, then quit when I feel fine and am totally cool with my progress so far. And then I won’t go back until I feel bad about my health again. I feel like some people are also like that. We go into phases where we develop a habit and then don’t keep up with that habit. For something like meditation, it’s not a lot of time out of your day; maybe ten to twenty minutes. For other things, you can just schedule in an hour of your time during the day to relax. It’s important to not get carried away by the busy pace of university. It’s important to give yourself time to wind down.

Are there any last things you’d like to share?

I’d like people to reach out to their peers to see how they’re feeling. Everyone feels stressed here. I think being a bit more honest when answering questions like “how’s it going?” or “how’s your day?” also helps bring out the underlying issues. Sometimes, people don’t think their issues are a big deal but they can eventually snowball into bigger problems. I remember reading an article from To Write Love on Her Arms, a non-profit organization that raises awareness on things like depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts. The article had a quote that resonated with me, “the first lie depression told me was that I did not have depression.” I think it’s important to take a look at yourself, think about how you’re feeling, and check that everything really is okay or what you want it to be.

So to end it off on a bit of a lighter note, what’s something you’re looking forwards to?

Well, I’m falling behind on a cartoon show I watch, called Adventure Time. So once I finish my assignment, I’ll probably binge watch that. It’s not much time spent since each episode is about ten minutes long. I’m also definitely hanging out with my roommates once we’re all done with the assignment. It’s been a while since we’ve actually hung out. So I think it’ll be good to do that.