ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

After flagellating herself all morning for being born middle-class to two polite and stable property owners, a happy-go-lucky city worker has had to endure said parents moaning and complaining that their hyper-inflated asset is now sharply decreasing in value.

Joining her folks for lunch this Tuesday gone, Emile Seymour said aside from the normal questions about her life and why it seems so aimless, she also had to sit through her aging parents saying they’re on the way to the poor house if the housing market crashes.

“I know, it’s bad,” she said.

Her mother, Bucket, rolled her eyes.

“Oh how would you know? You live week to week and spend every last cent you make on silly things like takeout dinners and wine!”

Just as Emile was about to retort, he father explained that times are different and things are harder for young people now.

Deverill Seymour, however, failed to redeem himself in the eyes of his daughter because he said the current housing woes facing young people are ‘Gough Whitlam’s fault’ because he opened the door to rampant and unsustainable immigration.

“So taking all the above into account,” said Emile.

“They still expect me to care about their depreciating Betoota Heights trophy home. They’ve got a beach house in Isisford on that really nice bend there on the Barcoo opposite the pub. Plus they’ve got a ski retreat in Stanthorpe!”

“Fuck them!”

More to come.