I’ve always been a pretty shy guy. In school I never put my hand up in class even if I knew the answer. I have always leaned towards having a few very close friends. Even now I have trouble bridging that ominous gap between acquaintance and true friend from a conversational standpoint. I am introverted. This is not to say that I’m antisocial. Far from it, you need to be a people person if you want to be successful in the service industry. The description of introversion that I identify best with has to do with how you charge your ‘social batteries’. Introverts tend to need space and time to themselves to recharge before/after heavy social interaction. The fewer people or closer I am with these people, the less ‘me’ time I need to just read a book, dick around on my phone, or have a nap. For extroverts it is the opposite, and to this day I really don’t understand how that works, but it just does for some people. A testament to my disposition on the matter.

I’m also a very self aware person, which of course has good and bad aspects to it. I grew up understanding what I do and how I act affects how others view me, and was very careful to choose what I did in order to have some control over what others thought of me. I think this hits home for everyone in the vulnerable middle years, some more than others. I was never really a popular kid in middle school, but I sure wanted to be. By high school I had gained a little more confidence in myself, and certainly had more friends but self reportedly not ‘popular’. This all changed with the arrival of alcohol and parties in high school and post secondary. Booze was like a fucking magic bullet for me, it shut down that self conscious voice in my head, I felt like I could talk to anyone and do anything. It granted me confidence that I never dreamed of. And when you’re young and value social standing greatly, the price of drinking is a pretty good bargain. I became pretty obsessed with becoming a bartender, I looked up to them, as they were always hanging out in bars with beautiful women and having complete control over the social lubricant I desired so much. So I became one, and it has been a hell of a ride.

So how do I justify being a bartender while not indulging in alcohol? Well this is how I see it. I’ve been slinging drinks for about a decade, and I’m actually pretty good at it now. Always something to learn but that is besides the point. The point is bartending has given me confidence that isn’t contingent on actually being drunk. I guess I just took a long and twisted road to self-acceptance. When I started drinking, I was doing it to become someone I was not. I’m a shy guy and that is okay, but when I’m behind the bar I get that self confidence that lets me turn my extroversion up to 11 and actually enjoy it. But when I’m done you can bet I’m probably going straight home or maybe go hang out with 1 or 2 close friends. That is just what I prefer, this is my default setting.

Now, I’m not endorsing that alcoholics start training to become bartenders to overcome their addiction. For most, this would be extremely harmful. This is pretty special case stuff, but I’m not the only one who is surrounded by alcohol for a living and doesn’t drink. Look it up, some of the greatest bartenders and best people I’ve met in the industry can just not drink (Or drink responsibly). This is just to show that it can be done in an industry where drinking can run rampant, because intoxication is all around you. It is an environment of “everybody drinks” and over-consumption becomes very easy to rationalize.

For me, bartending was not the only place I gained confidence needed to quit and be okay with myself. Therapy and AA gave me tools and support to understand myself and even begin to understand the tangled mess that was my self-esteem and ego. I had to do a lot of emotional demolition and character renovation to get where I am today.

It is important to be mindful of why you are in the industry, and if it is for good reasons then keep those in focus at all times, because it is so so easy to get swept up in the dangerous beauty of the job.

Now some people are of the opinion or school of thought that “you can’t trust a bartender that doesn’t drink” and I can see the flawed line of reasoning. Like imagine having an overweight personal trainer, or Marty Byrd from Ozark doing your taxes. It seems like a hypocritical “do as I say not as I do” situation. There may be extenuating circumstances, perhaps the trainer has a chonic injury or condition that doesn’t allow them to train, and perhaps your accountant owes a lot of money to the wrong people? The point is they still have the know how to do their job, despite circumstances that may be out of thier control. They can still help you work out or file your tax return. I have a disease where it is harmful for me to have even just one drink, if I can still toast with a shot of cola, and I can still have a mocktail if you wanna buy me a drink, what difference does it make to you?

I think the biggest problem is that it calls attention to the fact that some people just don’t drink alcohol. When you are in the echo chamber where everyone drinks and life is all hunky-dory until someone inside says that there are other ways to do things, it makes some people who are stuck in said chamber uncomfortable. I digress, this is another vary rare case. For the most part I’ve found that people just don’t care if their bartender drinks or not, as long as they are provided with a good time. But as someone who is self diagnosed as overly conscientious these things have ruminated in my brain ad nauseum and had to be addressed.

In summary it brings me great joy being a sober bartender. Not only do I feel like I can do the job better than ever, it is a gig that works well with my personality. It offers me a social outlet to the world while giving me plenty of time to just do my own thing, whether that means in my personal free time or doing solo side work on the clock. Sure the whole situation is unconventional, and other folks might not be comfortable with it, but frankly I care much more about what I think.