The ultimate goal is to hammer into citizens the idea that “keeping trust is glorious and breaking trust is disgraceful,” the Chinese government has said. Good scores get rewarded, and bad ones punished.

(Esquire) China is setting up a massive ranking system to monitor the behavior of its 1.4 billion citizens and give them a score based on their “social credit.”

Penalties include being banned from taking trains, having your internet speed cut, and being publicly shamed.

The programme will be fully operational by 2020, but is being piloted for millions of people already.

I’m not sure if this rating system pertains to foreigners but if it does I may have to move to Hong Kong as my score would be all sorts of fucked. Here are some of the things that can get points taken off your score.

Jay Walking

How would the government know if you jaywalk? They have cameras on streets that use facial recognition technology to determine your identity. Scary stuff. And not only will they shave points off your score they will also post your face on a public screen to shame you. They have one of these across the street from my apartment.

I personally enjoy jaywalking. It gets me to where I need to be faster and if I need to be punished for it I’m sure getting run over by a car should do the trick. Fortunately tho, this social credit system seems like it will lower my chances of getting hit by a car.

Chen, a 32-year-old entrepreneur in Rongcheng city who has trialled the scheme, told Foreign Policy:

“When we drive, now we always stop in front of crosswalks. If you don’t stop, you will lose your points.

I guess there is a silver lining.

Using phones and laptops on planes when you’re not supposed to.

China is so anal about this. They seem to still be under the impression that a single cell phone signal could bring down the entire aircraft. Even when I explain to them my phone is in Airplane mode they still insist I turn it off. But guess what? I never do. I assume at this point my social credit score would be so low the government would start throttling my internet speeds. That’s terrifying.

Spreading fake news

Guilty as charged. I screw up title captions in my videos all the time. Take my Olympic Bobsledding video for instance.

That’s not Sam McGuiffe. That’s Sam Michener. Or when I ridiculed Aaron Jackson of the Beijing Ducks for having the worst hair of any athlete I’ve seen in my life except it was actually former Celtic Marcus Thornton. I didn’t watch much NBA the 2014-2015 season.

Imagine if that was a Chinese athlete? My score would take a beating.

Here’s the scariest part though, not only can what YOU post online impact your score, you’re also judged by what YOUR FRIENDS post online.

“Posting dissenting political opinions or links mentioning Tiananmen Square has never been wise in China, but now it could directly hurt a citizen’s rating. But here’s the real kicker: a person’s own score will also be affected by what their online friends say and do, beyond their own contact with them. If someone they are connected to online posts a negative comment, their own score will also be dragged down.” (WIRED)

OH DEAR GOD. Would the Chinese government consider every Barstool employee my friend because we follow each other on twitter and Instagram? One of KFC’s shtick is literally making fun of Chinese people. My score would take such a hit I’d be immediately banned from booking flights and trains anywhere in the country. I’m really not exageratting.

“Last Tuesday, CBS New York reported that journalist, Liu Hu, is currently unable to fly for failure to sincerely apologize for some of his tweets.” (The Hill)

I don’t think I’d be able to stay even remotely as calm as Bryce Dallas Howard in this situation. That lady at the counter is infuriating.

Purchasing Habits

Under this system, something as innocuous as a person’s shopping habits become a measure of character. Alibaba admits it judges people by the types of products they buy. “Someone who plays video games for ten hours a day, for example, would be considered an idle person,” says Li Yingyun, Sesame’s Technology Director. “Someone who frequently buys diapers would be considered as probably a parent, who on balance is more likely to have a sense of responsibility.” So the system not only investigates behaviour – it shapes it. It “nudges” citizens away from purchases and behaviours the government does not like. (WIRED)

Ok here I think I’m OK. I don’t play video games and have already pooped myself twice this year so there’s a good chance I’ll have resorted to adult diapers by 2020.

For now we can all laugh about this as the system is being implemented on the other side of the planet (for you guys, not me) but don’t think it will never happen in the U.S. Google, Facebook, and Amazon probably already have enough information about every American to start a program like this tomorrow. You’ve been warned.