Corbyn to rename London Jeremygrad and cull the wealthy, claims Daily Mail

As Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn prepares to make a speech that establishes Labour as a Government in waiting, the Daily Mail has revealed his secret plans for a Labour-run country.

Within a month of becoming Prime Minister, London will be renamed Jeremygrad and Nelson’s Column will be replaced by a statue of Corbyn embracing Joseph Stalin.

He will immediately arrest anyone with a personal wealth of over £50,000, line them all up against the wall and have them shot.

Other plans, reveals the Mail, include housing everyone in ugly, grey blocks of flats with CCTV in the toilets, Windsor and Cambridge to become giant ‘re-education’ camps for Tory voters, and communist beards becoming mandatory for every man, woman, and child in the country.

“Well, it’s a ruddy disgrace,” said Daily Mail reader and local sex-pest Simon Williams.

“Knocking down Nelson’s Column? It’s disrespectful to Nelson and his column and all the brilliant things they did in the olden days.

“And CCTV in the toilet! That’s not on. A man should be free to do whatever he likes in his toilets and the magazines he takes in with him are his own business.”

Eleanor Gay had a more pragmatic take on the story.

“Well, look, it’s obviously nonsense but the fact that Jeremy Corbyn seems to scare the Daily Mail so much is definitely the main reason I’ll be voting for him.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the t-shirt!