I have never been the type to be easily offended. Like everyone else in the world with an opinion, I have been told how wrong mine are. But those kind of discussions never really bother me. However, there are certain conversations that can push me right up on top of those hills that I will gladly die on.

No build up here I’m gonna jump right in. I’m sick and tired of hearing or reading about people who have absolutely no experience with mental illness voice their ignorant opinions on the matter. To be clear I love those who voice support for anyone fighting their own battles. What I am referring to is the type of “advice” that some people like to give to someone going through a battle that is indescribable.

If you have never been through depression, PTSD, OCD, Bipolar, schizophrenia, bulima, or ANY other mental illness then never tell someone what they “should” do. Offer support, positive support, encourage healthy behaviors, be a friend. But when I hear things like “Just get over it.”, “Depression is a choice.”, “Just think about all you have happy to be about.”, “You’re just sad/lazy/seeking attention.” it makes me want to scream.

Let me explain something for those who have these beliefs. If you think someone with (pick a mental illness) is allowing themselves, or choosing to feel this way, you are wrong. If you think it is a sign of weakness to seek help, you are wrong. If you think seeking the proper medication is harmful, you are wrong. You are not just wrong but you have the potential to be an incredibly harmful source of toxicity in someones life. You are the problem. You are the reason that our society has such a strong stigma against mental health. You need sit down, shut up and listen.

We are an incredibly ignorant country when it comes to mental health. We are getting better but have such a long way to go. In 2013 the Henry J Kaiser Family Foundation conducted a study covering the opinions of the general public in regards to mental health. 66% stated they would be at least somewhat uncomfortable if someone with a serious mental illness worked in their child’s school. 41% stated the same about working with someone who has a serious mental illness. 47% stated the same about simply living next-door to someone with a serious mental illness. Studies have shown anywhere from 5-10% of American adults experience a serious mental illness in a given year. You have lived next to or worked with someone who has one, if you yourself haven’t. This is ignorance.

It’s always important to remember, not just with mental illness, but in life, that you never know the story of someone else’s life. So you have no place telling them the ending when they are still writing it. The battle someone is experiencing may seem so trivial to you and I’m genuinely happy that it does, but it changes nothing for that person.

I debated back and forth about sharing an experience I had with this because I am afraid it may offend some but I want to stick with the idea that there is a chance it could affect one person in a positive way, so fuck it.

There are a few days in my life that contend for “worst day of my life.” but one of the most recent was the day that I decided to leave the Mormon church. I will not go into the details as to exactly why I made this decision right now. Maybe someday, but not now. I assure you that I do not have any negative feelings towards those who belong to this church, or share its personal beliefs. I would never try to tell someone what to believe. But I knew I had to leave.

I have had a poor memory for a good portion of my life. I can’t remember all the details of yesterday let alone that day. But I remember the exact moment I fell off the fence of that decision. I landed right into a complete nervous breakdown. I was at work, I had been up most of the night before and I was exhausted. I had so much to do that day, like every day. I was behind but luckily it was a Sunday and most of my team was not there so I was alone. I paced the backroom of my store countless times before locking myself in the bathroom and crying my eyes out. I wanted to scream, I wanted to break things, I wanted, more than anything, to die. My life was over. My marriage was over. There was no point to my life continuing and I hadn’t even reached my lunch break yet. The months that followed were the most trying months of my life. The details are for another day but there was no doubt the toll this took on me.

And yet, on more than one occasion, I was told I had taken the easy way out.

Someone had skipped ahead in my book, read a paragraph and claimed to be the author. All of my struggles, my emotions, my breakdowns. They were simply my fault for taking the easy way out. It’s one of those seeds that someone plants in your mind and no matter how many times you try to overcome it, that little toxic seed continues to try to take hold of you again.

No one needs to hear they are taking the easy way out when they are questioning if their life is even worth it. No one with depression needs to be told to snap out of it. No one with mental illness needs your cliff notes summary of the masterpiece that is their life. So for once just shut up and listen. You have the ability to save a life but it is just as easy to bring harm to one. And THAT is a choice. It should be an easy one.

-Andrew Woods