By the time I got home from work on Wednesday I was exhausted. I felt ill and tired and just completely fed up with life. I tried to sleep when I got home but couldn’t settle. I ended up waiting until my partner had gone to work before I went to bed.

At 1am I was woken up. He was home. He was too unwell to work. He’d had to leave but he was going back in the next morning to speak to his bosses and reach out for help. That was the last night I got to sleep with my partner. Since then everything has been a complete blur.

I called in to work sick the next morning because I was too tired to drive my hour and a half commute and be nice to people all day. It turned out to be the best decision I made. He left at 10.30 that morning, 9 hours later I had just dropped him off at a residential rehab clinic.

I don’t know what happened that day. It is a day I have lost forever, the only thing I know that happened is that time passed.

I still don’t have any emotions attached to what is happening and he has been away 3 full days now. I am still numb. Numb is the only way I can describe how I feel. I didn’t leave the house for 2 days, today I did the grocery shopping but that was all. It is surreal. I have spent 8 months hoping he would get help, and now he has. He’s there. I’m here reeling in the background trying to piece myself back together.

Friday I saw my counselor. He was the first person to tell me how proud of me they were. That I had finally stood up and said what I thought rather than pushed it away so not to cause an argument. He is finding me other people to talk to who have been where I have been.

I am in recovery too.

Alcoholism is a terrible thing, it sucks in everyone who comes near it. I feel terrible for having put our housemate and friend through this. None of this has been easy for him. He has watched one of his best friends almost drink himself to death and had to be an emotional support to the other.

I currently feel sorry for me too. My friends, well the very few who know, and my family are being outstanding but I feel completely at sea. I have gone from being sole carer of someone to just being me. That is a strange place to find yourself.

He is currently doing well though. The heavy medication is helping with that I’m sure, but he has been to a group therapy session and a talk by someone from the AA. I didn’t think either of those things would ever happen. I am incredibly proud of him. This demon has haunted the lives of us both for too long and finally he has found the strength to start defeating it.

This is going to be a long road though. Detox and recovery are very different things. Learning to trust someone again and not checking the house everyday for alcohol is going to be hard too . We’ve gotten this far though, one steep hill conquered, around the corner to the next!

Picture source: http://pin.it/cEZaZcI