In chess when a king is pinned so as moving him will expose him to check is an absolute pin. Similarly, we hang on to our disturbances by pinning our absolutist beliefs. When there is an absolutistic belief, there has to be a must or have to. People are not disturbed by flexible beliefs like “they may help me in the task”. But a single word change in the belief & it becomes a absolutistic demand ” they must help me in my task”. Demands are “command on the universe to be the way you want it to be, ” says Albert Ellis* Demands are beliefs that declare certain conditions must or must not exist. The most common forms in a language you express are ” “must” “ought to “”absolute””should’s “”have to”. Demands are the root cause from where in other irrational beliefs sprout. An established fact is that the demandingness plays an important role in generating unhealthy (dysfunctional) negative emotions. There are 3* types of demands that create problems 1) demands that they should perform well 2) demands that others should treat you nicely 3) demands that life should be hassle free and life should be fair.

Like the Kings behavior is determined by the way he is being pinned. Absolutists and dogmatic Demands start dictating the way we behave. The demands on self (“I must achieve””I must act perfectly”) are associated with self defeating behavior such as comfort eating or social avoidance. Other related demands(” she must behave well” ” they should talk to me nicely”will trigger marital problems or aggressive anger expressions. Where as demand on life’s condition, fairness ( it mustn’t rain ) can push social isolation, procrastination, etc. These three demands are the source of our most emotional and behavioral problems. Next time when you have a disturbing emotion or action, check the absolute demand you have pinned yourself into.

Reference : Rational and Irrational Beliefs: Research, Theory, and Clinical Practice by Daniel David (Author), Steven Lynn (Author)



