Maybe the White House could organize a coherent response to the myriad problems exploding all over the place if this was an amorphous “community” instead of an actual country. We are seeing a real-life PowerPoint demonstration explaining exactly what happens when you turn the Executive Branch over to people who have never executed anything more complex than a sit-in at the local welfare office.

Since everything they touch turns to failure, their response is to lie. And everyone sees it. Everyone except Chet. Chet is my unicorn.

I’m a lawyer and get paid to watch equivocating weasels twist in the wind – in fact, one of the best parts of my job is doing the huffing and puffing. I have to give credit to the director of the Centers for Disease Control – rarely have I disbelieved someone so thoroughly so quickly. I don’t even believe his punctuation.

Instead of a rational, authoritative scientist calmly explaining what we do and don’t know, and exactly what commonsense steps his agency is taking to battle the Ebola outbreak, we get Dr. Kevin Bacon being flattened under a stampede of exposed medics running rampant across the country as he shrieks, “Remain Calm! All is well!”

Dude, all is not well. Everyone knows it. And that’s why people aren’t remaining calm.

When you tell us that you and your crack squad of pathogen professionals have got this, it would be infinitely better if you actually had this. Instead, after weeks of chaos, you finally announce that, “Yeah, we’ve decided that when Ebola pops up somewhere we’re going to send a big team in to make sure it’s contained.” Oh, you think?

I majored in communications, not communicable diseases, and I figured out that tactic weeks ago. Instead of studying, maybe you should have been drinking Coors Light and scamming hotties like me, because what you’re doing sure as hell isn’t containing the infection or reassuring the public.

Why hasn’t Barack Obama fired this guy? Well, that would be an admission of imperfection and that’s never going to happen. Instead of getting busy searching for a replacement, the White House is busy searching for a way to blame the GOP. Of course, in a nation dominated by failing unionized public schools, plenty of people will fall for the idea that the government is run by the party that has held one half of one branch of government for four of the last six years. Apparently evil genius John Boehner reigns over our nation from inside his extinct volcano lair.

Oh, in a totally unrelated story, the President recently played his 200th round of golf.

It’s no surprise that things go poorly when there’s no accountability. Leadership sometimes means pour encourager les autres by making an example of a non-hacker who can’t cut it. But if you take accountability off the table, you kind of limit your management options pretty much to just sitting back and watching yourself fail.

Of course, while placing the responsibility for nonperformance on specific individuals within the administration is not an option, generalized slander of elements of the government not generally associated with liberalism is just fine. Take the ISIS, or ISIL, or IS, or whatever’s conquest of Iraq – that was the fault of the intelligence community’s negligent failure to put the President in a half-nelson and force him to read the daily intel briefs that warned him for months that the junior varsity team was heading into the Super Bowl with a very favorable point spread.

It’s remarkable how this administration stumbles from disaster to disaster, each new day a surprise, each new challenge an utter shock. Putin in Ukraine? Who would have thought a revanchist Russian autocrat might try to reconquer the breadbasket of the Old USSR? What’s up with that? And that a wave of unaccompanied children might crest over our non-existent border after the administration practically sent them an engraved invitation? Who could have seen that coming?

Sure, we all understand that the essence of progressivism is the rejection of objective truth in favor of politically useful lies, but this is something more. When an administration is so unbelievably incompetent that it can’t even manage to perform the most basic functions of a government – like defeating our enemies, securing our borders, and not letting the country live out the plot of a Matt Damon and Gwyneth Paltrow movie – there is no alternative. It has to lie. There’s literally nothing else it can do.

No wonder the Democrats’ favorable/unfavorable poll numbers are tanking. People, even the stupid ones who put this freak show in control, dislike being lied to. And they tend to stop believing people who lie to them all the time.

Yet this phenomenon baffles our would-be liberal overlords. For instance, they are in a perpetual tizzy because the American people laughed at John Kerry’s recent announcement that climate change was America’s greatest security threat and refuse to give up their cars and move into caves because of global warming. Or climate change. Or whatever they are calling it this week.

It’s remarkable that the American people resist shoveling heaps of money and much of their sovereignty over to a bunch of liberal elitists whose argument seems to consist of shouting, “SCIENCE!” They cite to the same scientific community that recently assured us that they had this whole Ebola transmission thing totally figured out. In the 70s, the liberals’ pet eggheads assured us that right now we’d be in an ice age.

Perhaps we might understand the evidence better if they shouted “SCIENCE!” at us a few more times.

We liked our health plans, and we got to keep them. Obama was furious that his IRS oppressed his political enemies. The Benghazi video did it.

It’s sheer insanity to believe anything anyone in this administration says, and everyone knows it. Everyone except Chet the Unicorn.