John N. Giunta would have been uncle to three nephews and two nieces. Each of the boys born since he died has the middle name of “John.”

For Frank S. Caltabilota Jr., the tally is seven, including a little girl named Francesca in his memory.

The Star Wars and He-Man toys Aaron C. Karol played with as a child were passed along to his sister's son, Ethan, just as if they'd been given by a loving uncle.

In the two decades since the three 18-year-old freshmen died in the Seton Hall University dorm fire, life has slowly pressed onward.

Their siblings went on to have 15 kids among them – eight boys and seven girls who are learning how grief casts a long shadow over a family tree.

The parents of the three fire victims continue to cope with daily grief that feels like “a hole in your heart,” as Joe Karol put it. He talks to his son often, greeting him every morning and sometimes asking his advice, saying, “Hey Aaron, what do you think about that?”

Memories of the son who has now been dead longer than he lived appear at unpredictable moments, such as when a song comes on the radio. “I'm not ashamed to say there are times when tears come to my eyes,” said Karol, now 73.

Joe Karol is scheduled to speak at Sunday’s memorial Mass held at Seton Hall University, on the 20th anniversary of the fire. Five of the six parents are alive; Caltabilota’s mother, Joanne, died in 2014.

For the siblings, the loss of a brother has hit differently as they’ve progressed from being children, to adults, then to parents themselves. Some were as young as 10 at the time of the fire.

Caltabilota's younger brother, Thomas, is now a veterinarian with his own practice in Asbury Park. His interest in animals began when he worked at a horse farm in high school. Just a tenth-grader when his older brother died, he found solace in the company of animals. So in an odd way, he said, the tragedy started him down a path that would become his career.

He remains curious about what the two convicted arsonists are doing now that they’re out of prison. “I would love to know what they are doing with their lives. I’d love to ask them, ‘Did you learn anything? Did the system work?’” (NJ Advance Media reached out to Sean Ryan and Joseph LePore, the men who plead guilty to third-degree arson in 2006. Both declined comment through their attorneys.)

Joe Karol, father of fire victim Aaron Karol, places flowers at the Remember Circle outside Boland Hall five years ago. On Sunday, he is scheduled to speak at the memorial Mass at Seton Hall as the university commemorates the 20th anniversary of the fatal fire. NJ Advance Media for NJ.com

For Peter Giunta, the older brother of John, the years since the fire are divided into two distinct halves: those spent focused on the lengthy investigation, court proceedings, and parole hearings, and the years since then.

“For ten years, it was a concern of mine that justice would be served, at least on some level,” he said. “And in the second ten years, I haven't thought about the criminal end at all. And that was good. I could focus on my family.”

He has three boys, 10, 8, and 5, while his other brother has two girls. He's tried to help his sons understand the loss in their family's past. “They've been to the gravesite. They kind of get it,” he said.

On vacations down the Shore – he's from Vineland -- childhood memories flood back. “They'll ask me, 'Did Uncle John like to play Skeeball?,' and I'll say, 'Yes, Uncle John liked to play Skeeball,'” he said with a sigh.

Melissa Karol, Aaron's older sister, had a baby herself the same year as the Jan., 2000 fire, followed by two more children. She brings her kids to anniversary ceremonies at the South Orange campus, and they have toured the 3rd floor of Boland Hall where fire claimed their uncle.

“I feel like he's always with me. There's not a day that goes by without thinking about him,” she said. Since Aaron was her only sibling, she mourns the reality that her children will never have any Karol cousins, and she'll never be an aunt.

“It changes as you get older. Now it's a different kind of grief,” she said.

For Frank Caltabilota Sr., however, his anger at everything about his son's death remains unabated. He still views the prosecution of the case as a “circus,” and is unhappy with the eventual plea bargain and early parole given the two arsonists. He also blames the university for not cracking down on the chronic prank fire alarms at Boland Hall that caused so many students to ignore the real alarm that night.

“That’s what I’m angry about,” he relayed through his son.

His son, who said he usually tries to put a positive spin on things, recently had a baby boy himself. That has given him new insight into his father's point of view.

“I get it now that I'm a parent,” he said. “It's changed the way I look at life.”

Charities and scholarships formed in the wake of the fire continue their mission.

The Caltabilota family gives out scholarships in Frank's name to recipients at both the schools he attended while growing up in West Long Branch.

The Giunta family as well offers a scholarship in John's name to future teachers who show “a sense of devotion to the community” and display the patience and discipline for which he was known. ( www.rememberjohn.org )

In addition to scholarships given in honor of Aaron Karol, his childhood friends formed a second charity that gives grants to emergency responders. ( www.AspiringKindness.org ) In the past decade it has raised more than $250,000 and has given out $180,000 in grants to fire departments, ambulance squads, and Saint Barnabas Medical Center, whose burn unit treated victims of the fire.

More grants are in the pipeline, said Jason Tarantino, one of the founders.

“I think Aaron would be very proud, for the reason that we're making a tangible impact in the community,” he said. “But he would also be happy to see all his friends hanging out together.”

Peter Giunta said he was often told after the fire that time heals all things. He has found that to be untrue.

“It’s like having a wound, an open wound,” he said. “It doesn’t heal. It doesn’t scar over. You just learn how to cover it better, or how to dress it better.”

(Kathleen O’Brien is a freelance writer and former health writer and columnist for The Star-Ledger.)