Photo : Claire Lower

I have always been suspicious of artists who claim they can’t create anything of value while sober. I’ve never found my drunk writing to be any better than my sober writing, but I have to admit that some of my best ideas come to me once my inhibitions have been lowered by alcohol. Could a sober mind create SPAM waffles? Probably, but it was my drunk body that demanded them last night.


Like the other things we have waffled, the main benefit to waffling the processed meat product we call SPAM lies in the nooks and crannies. More surface area means more crispy spots, and crispy SPAM is the best kind of SPAM. Even better, this is the quickest route to crispy SPAM, as waffle makers get hot very quickly and cook your food on both sides at the same time, eliminating the need to flip. Just heat your waffle maker as hot as it will go, and place a half-inch slice in the center. Close it, and cook until you see a good amount of browning in the meaty peaks and valleys. (You can open the waffle maker during the cooking process without messing anything up, so this is easy to monitor.)


Once your SPAM is waffled, you’ll find there are many ways to enjoy it. I have consumed most of mine by hand, dipped in a spicy mayo, but SPAM waffles clearly beg to be topped with a fried egg, incorporated into musubi, or used in some sort of breakfast sandwich situation (maybe as the bread??).