Hey you, piss off. Seriously. Stop what you're doing and go away, I've got a headache and don't want to deal with your shit right now. I don't care if you went out of your way to read this story, I'm going out of my way to get you to go away. I'm up early tomorrow as well. God dammit, why of all times do I get you turning up now? I don't need a set of eyes intruding on everything I do for what I like to hope is only going to be for a few more seconds (but judging by the size of the upcoming paragraphs is going to be longer than I would wish). I mean, Jesus Christ man, it's almost midnight! Why now!

I suppose I can't call you 'man' can I, can I? This is very much a one-way medium so for all I know you're some intersex tadpole. I can only get so much from basic extrapolation. I could perhaps do some statistical analysis to have a slightly better chance of figuring out who you are but in this story I can't be arsed to go that far out of the way. I don't even know why I'm still acknowledging you. The only reason I'm not going to shut-up outright is because no matter how long I pause the paragraph break will be the same size.

See? For all you know it's tomorrow already! It isn't, but for all you know it is!

That's right ladies and gentlemen and others, that's the one joke this story has going for it. You can go now, you've seen the show.

See! I did it again! I paused for a few moments but for all you know I'm dead. Although that's a good point, I might be dead. At the end of the day I'm currently either printed on dead tree or projected on some plasticy... thing. What are screens made of? It's too late to think about that, I'll google it later.

Do you guys have Google? Like I said I'm very much assuming your world is in-sync with mine and you get what I mean when I reference Google. For all I know the word 'Google' is just a stupid pun on whatever you guys have, like 'Luukup', or 'Tetserch". I'm too tired to think of anything else you'd call it. Unless you do use Google, which would make this whole paragraph a waste of time. WOULDN'T THAT BE SO POINTLESS AND BAD STORYTELLING?! Look, I'm not known for my subtlety. This is a fact you will have to learn. If this one chapter is all you can take of me then don't bother reading the rest of this shitty shitty tale. I suppose it doesn't have to be shitty. I can make crap up and you have no choice to believe me. This story could be a harrowing tale of love and loss, it could be an action-adventure to rival the true greats, or it could be a crappy zombie thriller. Zombies are such a craze right now it's stupid... I haven't thought this much this late in a long time. I'm going to sleep now, I can't stay up all night pandering to you.

Since I'm not overly-confident that you're not coming back (please don't return) I suppose I have to get all the mandatory story-bollocks out of the way. The name's Molly, Molly Smith, yes the surname is unoriginal, screw you. I'm 16, Redhead (NOT GINGER), British, insanely tired of talking to you and I have moderate-to-slightly-above-moderate levels of intelligence and attractiveness. Wait why the crap did I tell you that! I could've lied and told you I was the female Einstein with a rockin' bod! Dammit, I need sleep.

Hey! You could try to increase the quote-unquote 'immersion' of the novel by also going to sleep and reading the next chapter tomorrow! Maybe you'll even forget all about me and I won't have to carry you around like a dead-weight. You probably won't though, you're not putting in that much effort are you? Fuck you then, I get sleep and you don't. Suck it.