The rising favourite for next leader of the Conservative Party, Jacob Rees-Mogg, was found not to be a socialist in groundbreaking revelations that have sent shockwaves through the country. Rees-Mogg, the Eton and Oxford educated son of a Tory peer and former editor of the Times, who had a career in banking before moving into politics, was revealed to be rather strongly opposed to socialism in one of his many media appearances he has made recently.

Shocking – this man does not support socialism. Amazing. Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license from UK Parliament.

Furthermore, not only is the plummy Rees-Mogg a Tory MP, but he also happens to be a rather staunch practicing Catholic. This has led some of his former acolytes to be shocked at the whole affair.

Chris from Newcastle commented: ‘I just thought he was a funny posh man. I had no idea he was actually a politician with policies and positions.’

Angela from Bedford wrote: ‘Wait, he’s completely opposed to abortion? But I thought he’s just one of those meme characters, like that Scumbag Steve man?’

Jacob Rees-Mogg from Gournay Court, West Harptree, had an equerry read the following to us: ‘An nescis, mi fili, quantilla prudentia mundus regatur?’

Theresa from London said: ‘YOUBLOODYIDIOTSHUTUPANDGOBACKTOLYINGONTHEBACKBENCHESLIKEATOOLWHYISNOONEHELPINGMEHERE.’

– Henry Dyer