Democratic Frontrunners: Pros And Cons

It's a crowded field of Democratic candidates out there, with nearly every living human being throwing their hat into the ring this year, and a few dead ones.

If you're having trouble keeping track of the various pros and cons of just a few of the seven billion Democratic candidates for president, just reference our handy list:

Joe Biden

Pro: Came out strong against pineapple pizza

Con: Has only hazy memories of his tenure as vice president

Kamala Harris

Pro: Tough on violent crimes like truancy

Con: Also tough on unborn babies

Bernie Sanders

Pro: Kids will finally learn about communism

Con: Kids will finally learn about communism

Elizabeth Warren

Pro: Would be the first Native American president

Con: Would replace the White House with a seedy roadside casino

Thanos the Mad Titan

Pro: Relatively moderate position on population control

Con: Can get a little moody/dramatic

Kirsten Gillibrand

Pro: Can balance on a chair during a campaign stop

Con: Sided with Sega in the 16-bit era

Beto O'Rourke

Pro: Has a pretty decent pop shove-it

Con: Actually controlled by a tiny, robotic Barack Obama inside his hollowed-out husk of a skull

GLaDOS

Pros: Has more human-like emotions than most other candidates

Cons: Will run deadly tests on American citizens

John Hickenlooper

Pro: Fun name

Con: Has vowed genocide against the Eskimos

Amy Klobuchar

Pro: Makes great Netflix recommendations

Con: Is actually Vladimir Putin in a wig

Jim Smith

Pro: Sane moderate

Con: We just made him up. He's not real

Cory Booker

Pro: Can inflate to three times his size when threatened

Con: Just trying to get the job offer of US President as leverage to get the Office Depot he works at to pay him more

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee