Neutering appears to be no impediment in “Cats,” where an unnervingly erect tail can instead convey themes that fall far outside the film’s PG rating. One day, there will be a cottage industry of therapists serving people who viewed “Cats” too young, and each session will begin with the murmured prompt, “Talk to me, if you will, about Jason Derulo.”

‘Bustopher Jones’

This is the James Corden number, and let me just say the most daring thing about “Cats” (and there are many!) is that they left all of his improvs in.

‘Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer’

Here’s a crucial question that should have been solved at some point in preproduction: Exactly how big are these cats supposed to be? At times, they appear so sickeningly gigantic that even a veterinarian would make the sign of the cross, but then you’ll get a sequence like “Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer,” where the cats are dwarfed by mere silverware and struggle to bear the weight of a human’s glistening pearl necklace. (I’m not even going to touch that last one.)

‘Old Deuteronomy’

Clad in more fur coats than J. Lo wears in “Hustlers,” Judi Dench finally enters the jellicle ring at the end of this surprisingly affecting number. Just don’t look to the margins of the frame, where some of the cat extras are sporting some seriously unfinished CGI: They look less like cats — even by the very generous standards of this film — and more like what you’d get if you gave a Photoshop Groupon to the woman who tried to restore that one Jesus fresco.

‘Beautiful Ghosts’

Instead of getting into this new tune, co-written by Taylor Swift, let me instead tell you about the formative trauma of seeing “Cats” as a 9-year-old. “Cats” was my first musical-theater experience and it absolutely baffled me. My confusion then curdled into something far worse when one of the Cats pointed to me, a trusting little boy in the audience, and hissed, “He doesn’t believe in a Jellicle cat!” The crowd turned on me as that adult man in facepaint licked his paws, and I swore that one day, I’d have my revenge. Hmm, is that what this is? Anyway, very pretty song, Taylor.

‘Gus: The Theatre Cat’