When I was 16 years old I was referred through CAMHS to a psychiatrist, after showing symptoms of depression and psychosis. There had been a lot of concern that I was bipolar or had a personality disorder, but once I attended a few sessions I was reassured that all was OK. Except for one thing that had never even crossed my mind.

I remember rolling down my sleeves to cover up my arms as I so often did, and making a throwaway comment that I was unhappy with them. I had quite a lot of arm fat and to me, they made my body out of proportion. I was a teenage girl, not an elderly woman, so why did I have bingo wings? According to my relentless Google searches, young girls were supposed to store more weight on their thighs so why did my arms receive the bulk of my fat? I knew there was something wrong with me, either my hormones, or the way my body digested food. I didn't look like any of my friends.

'You do that quite a lot.' He commented. 'There's nothing wrong with your arms at all. Nor with your cheeks, your shoulders, your stomach. I think you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder.' I had never heard of that condition before. His words stuck in my mind for years.

It is heartbreaking to think that as a 16 year old girl, I thought these insecurities were normal. I thought that everyone felt sick when they looked in the mirror. I thought that it was normal to cut your skin because your figure 'didn't look right'. I thought that being terrified to leave the house because of your appearance was just 'having a bad day.'



I don't know what exactly caused me to develop these haunting insecurities and this skewed perception of what is normal, but I know that one of the most awful problems in today's society is the culture we have of shaming and bitching about each other. I am certain that this must have had some impact, not just on myself but on the millions of women and girls who wake up feeling like there is something wrong with them every morning. Celebrity culture is constantly shamed for producing unrealistic ideas, but this problem is prevalent on a much more everyday basis. To put this into perspective: I am a 22 year old woman, and here are all the things that I have ever been told are 'wrong' with my body. And these are just the ones that stick out.

