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Ginger Cheesehog From Viral Video Of Meltdown Over Forehead Kiss Is Also An Amateur Porn Star Who Thinks She’s Married To Justin Bieber And Says Racist Things To Selena Gomez

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A lot of people are talking about this INSANE ginger cheesehog who lost her Goddamn mind when she was in a restaurant ordering food and a guy kissed his girlfriend on the forehead. It was a magical explosion of debauchery:

In fairness, how is this any different from an Amy Schumer show? It’s a fat chicken being loud and offensive for the sole purpose of being loud and offensive. There’s nothing witty about it, and the jokes are repeated over and over again. The only difference is this chick doesn’t steal other cheesehog’s jokes and people actually pay money to watch Amy Schumer.

Oh, and imagine if you recorded a video that would be shared millions of times, and then realized you’re a chud who hasn’t figured out that you never record video vertically with your phone. What a missed opportunity. Especially considering this woman is particularly larger horizontally. Sad.

As amusing as that all was, clearly this woman is very sick and in need of serious psychological help. Nevertheless she sucks at life so it was worth a good laugh. But seriously, have you ever seen a woman in need of a good stuffing as much as this Fatty Hearst? Notice she doesn’t really get mad at the guy, who is the one who did the kissing in the first place. He gets off easy because she secretly wishes he was burying the broomstick in her penis fly trap instead. But she was vicious to his boo. Heres a collection of things she said about or to the chick:

“Why don’t you leave bitch.”

“You cannot be doing prostitution in public.”

“If you’re making out in front of people then you’re making people uncomfortable.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Sexually harrasing me, making out with that bitch while I’m trying to order? He was having sex with her at the stand when I was trying to order.”

“Go get a room if you want to bang your whore.”

“You are the ugliest bitch I’ve ever seen.”

“You are such a slut, you are such a dumb bitch.”

Meanwhile the worst thing she says to the guy is this:

“I’m going to file sexual harassment and stalking charges on you.”

Calling Attorney Richard N. Vulva. We have a cheesehog in California with your name on it!! And quite frankly this chick needs Dick N. Vulva more than anyone we’ve ever seen. Because the only reason she’s so nasty to the chick is that she secretly hoped he’d dump his girlfriend and take her to poundtown on the salad bar. This is a chick who has been waiting to get her donut glazed for the last 30 years, and even the last lonely guy at the bar has chosen another round of Keno over her time and time again. Not even once has a guy tossed her a pity lay by taking one for the team. Then again, when you’re a miserable troglodyte with no friends it’s hard to be the angry ginger that your skinny friends try to pawn off on the wingman.

Then this Thicky Minaj tried to get a free meal out of it:

“I want my money back. I just spent $20, I want a refund.”

Because if seeing other people make out hurts your feels then you might as well try to get a free meal out of it and eat away your sorrow.

Finally around the 6:00 mark the whole crowd laughs because it all makes sense:

“Go back to wherever you’re from you retarded foreign asshole.”

Oh I get it now. She’s a Trump supporter. (insert “libtard Turtleboy” comments here)

What’s really scary is that she is more likely to get picked to be on a jury than I am because I’m normal. If you’ve read a book in the last six months or watch the news you’re pretty much disqualified. But if you’re a mentally unstable gravy dumpster like this you’re a defense attorney’s wet dream.

But wait, it gets better. This cholesterol sandwich has a name – Anna Storelli. And she’s an amateur porn star. Since Turtleboy Sports is a family blog we will not be posting her finest work. But if you Google her name you can see for yourself. Trigger warning – make sure you have ample amounts of bleach lying around though. Your eyes may never be the same.

Also, her Twitter is still open to the public, and it’s a window into her madness. Her most recent tweet is urging any old stranger to give her a ring:

OK. But why is she so desperate? Well, she wants to let the world know that she is NOT dating JEFF:

She is obsessed with Justin Bieber and considers him her boyfriend/fiance/husband:

And when other women lust for him, she calls it rape:

Rape, prostitution, sex in public – these are all words you can arbitrarily throw around in public when you’re a sex-deprived ginger cheesehog.

She did send the Biebs some material for the spank bank:

But wait, it gets better. Bieber dumped her:

Which may explain why she’s so triggered when she sees other people in love in public. The Biebs broke her heart. And he may have left her for Selena Gomez, which would explain her distrust of foreigners:

Anyway, the real miracle here is that this woman hasn’t gone viral before this. There’s absolutely no way this is the first time she pulled a stunt like this. I’m willing to bet it happens more often than not whenever she goes out in public. I’m also willing to bet that her favorite TV show is Dance Moms, she loves Chef Boyardee, she doesn’t spray down the bathroom after she drops a ginormous ginger dump, she has a closet full of Shakeology that she was forced to buy when she briefly became a Beach Body coach, and she has strong opinions about not getting vaccinated and the dangers of circumcision.

We kept digging on her and found out she wasn’t always crazy or a cheesehog! She was actually really cute and normal at one point. Read part two here!

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