There are many Saints, but only one leader The leader of the corporate faith is called a chief executive. The CEO is well paid, wise and often surrounded by Saints. It is very hard to get close to the CEO. He rules from above, often at a quarterly staff forums where he will preach from pretty PowerPoint slides rarely developed by him. He is a messenger, telling his disciples what the analysts, shareholders and board expect to see. It's rarely a new sermon as the requests are to see more profits, less wastage, and new organisation charts. In corporate faith, Change Management is as well read as the Old Testament. Heaven is where only a chosen few go Heaven is often the top floor of the company building, with nice views of the clouds and city below. It is not a place for mere mortals (or anyone without a C acronym). The keeper of the pearly gates is usually a lone woman – called EA. She has much power in the faith and holds the keys to aplenty, so don't ever get on her bad side. Women will not reach the highest ranks of corporate religion

Apart from EA, unfortunately ladies are not really welcome here. The Saints may accept a token one or two who haven't admitted to procreation, or who are really quite extraordinary, but a woman's success rate of getting to the top floor is roughly 10 per cent. The faith's working on it – they are investigating quotas and plan to open a childcare centre in 2023. Children will be expected to wear branded corporate attire and those who fail to comply will not reach the grad program. Women shall not be equally compensated for dedication to their faith So sorry, ladies — you are going to have to pray for another 64 days each year to be compensated the same amount as your fellow male disciple. Men are seen as being able to pray harder and also go out with the leaders after work more often, it's a faith skill known as "networking". They also don't ask for maternity leave or time off work when kids are sick. Thus, they are true disciples and shall get paid more. Your dedication will be long and hard ... Some religions expect time for prayer a number of times a day. Corporates expect it to be non-stop, without lunch breaks, toilet stops or extracurricular activities for five days a week, about 10 hours a day. They will provide free coffee machines and Coca-Cola cans in the kitchens (so you aren't tempted by evil and venture outside.) Your security pass time stamps show management how dedicated you are ... they get the report on your movements each month.

... you must pray alongside many idiots Yes it's true, to an extent Corporates are open-minded religions and allow plenty of idiots in who share their ideology. Many of those idiots are blind believers, which is why many will be left in middle management to look after the welfare of the majority of the disciples. These people will be so focused on entering Heaven they do not notice those who walk on water and those holding the poison chalice. You will be judged – constantly Once or twice a year, CEO and his Saints will question your performance and dedication. They will insist upon 360-degree reviews of your ability, aptitude and let's face it – popularity – from members of the congregation. This is for your own good. You will then be ranked against the rest of the congregation to determine what benefits you get. And if you're in that last pew, well you have three months to practise repentance or you will get kicked out. They call it Performance Management. Occasionally, there will be sacrifices

Yes it's true, even faiths have to make sacrifices. They may shed thousands "sacrificed" to meet profit margins and to save the true believers and those who passed the congregation's popularity tests. This is called Redundancy. It's not good for any individual, but it is a ritual that keeps the faith going. Claire Linton-Evans is a senior executive and author of the career bible for modern women, Climbing the Ladder in Heels: How to Succeed in the Career Game of Snakes and Ladders. Visit climbingtheladder.com.au.