FROM dating trends to tales of love, horror dates to expert tips, Sarah Swain explores single life in Sydney.

HOW TO COPE WITH MODERN DATING

IF you feel like you’re stuck on an endless merry-go-round of disappearing dates, no dates at all or dates with blokes who appear to have swearing tourettes like I had this week — honestly I don’t mind the odd curse but every other word is a bit much — it’s easy to let it all get on top of you.

Especially when your friends seem to be happily coupling up, planning weddings and having babies, or so it seems, while you’re still trying to figure out why you last Happn match stopped talking to you.

media_camera When it seems like everybody is having babies and you can’t even get a second date. That. Picture: iStock

For example the other Friday night I was at home, alone, watching new American show The Bold Type online, when I opened an email on my large screen Mac.

A GIANT BABY filled up the entire screen like something from H oney I Blew up the Baby.

It was an email from an old school friend who got married last year.

And I’m not really into babies, but it still made me feel a bit down about the whole single thing.

Then this week, I was having what we might in the UK call ‘banter’ with a bloke on Bumble, when he went all passive aggressive on me.

He’d suggested, early on in the chat, I “swung by” his area for a drink, and I said Neutral Bay wasn’t really somewhere I swung by ever, and that Military Road’s traffic is something from a nightmare.

After accusing me of that common Sydney trait not crossing the bridge, I pointed out I take the ferry across the water daily to Manly so he was wrong.

He then chucked his dummy out of the pram with this message (I especially enjoyed the grammar of his response): “I do but you never asked me out for a drink. I did and got all the excuses lol don’t worry your not the first and not the last. I should of remembered your English and you live on the southside. You have a rep to protect ;) Good luck out there.”

What a moron.

media_camera Sometimes dating can get you down, but there are ways of coping. Picture: Adam Ward media_camera What a lovely message to get of an evening.

Anyway, I know I’m not alone, so I asked psychologist, Sharon Draper, for tips to stay sane.

1. It’s not you, it’s them.

Whether you’ve been rejected by a date ghosting you, by a person who’s stopped messaging you online, stood up, or shock! actually dumped in real life, that sinking feeling is the same.

Even if you didn’t like or actually even meet your potential partner yet, you might get it too.

But Draper said it’s important to keep things in perspective.

media_camera Psychologist Sharon Draper offers her tips for coping with rejection.

“The important thing to try and do is to see it for what it is,” she said.

“He didn’t call back. You don’t know why, so try not to create stories in your head because, if you’re feeling rejected, you’ll be feeling vulnerable and it’s very easy to then start berating yourself.

“You’ll end up just torturing yourself trying to work out the reasons why he/she didn’t call back. “You don’t have these answers, so try stop controlling it.”

2 It’s all about you- at least right now

Feeling down about dating? Look after yourself said Draper, both practically and emotionally.

“Make sure you put self-care as a priority, especially during this time,” she said. “This might mean you go for a massage, or cook a favourite meal or have a bubble bath.

media_camera Another wedding invite? How lovely. Picture: iStock

“Be kind to yourself, it is impossible for every person you go on a date with to like you and vice versa. Try remember this as much as you can.”

I would suggest wine is a good answer too, but I don’t think Draper would recommend that. I would add keeping busy and trying to get fun things in your diary help too.

3. Get mindful

When all your mates seem to be having success with dating and you don’t, it’s easy to blame yourself.

But the more we focus on something the more we see it- all those sicky couples stand out because you’re focusing on them (and that new Bachelorette ad with Sophie Monk feels like my life).

But it’s important we don’t compare ourselves to others and while dating can seem a harder job than working for Donald Trump sometimes, there are things to ease the pain.

#psychology #psychologist #goals #wellness tips #journal #self-care A post shared by Sharon Draper (@sharondraper) on Jan 11, 2016 at 12:21am PST

“Try and practice relaxation — deep breathing — and mundane mindfulness where you focus your attention on all your senses while doing an activity that’s mundane like brushing your teeth or having a shower and meditation. These strategies can help you let go of your anxious thoughts about this.”

I’ve just signed up to do yoga — heaven knows I’m going to be hopeless, but at least it’ll take my mind of men, hey?

Tweet me @swainey123

sharondraper.com.au