Do doctors really need to be told to do such obvious things? Unfortunately, anyone who has spent time in the hospital as a patient or a physician knows how haphazardly such actions are performed, and as Samuel Johnson wrote, “Man needs more to be reminded than instructed.”

There is a useful analogy here to raising children. The British physician D. W. Winnicott coined the term “good enough mother” in part to help mothers who were overly anxious about their parenting skills. Rather than worry about trying to be perfect (whatever that meant), he urged them to relax, trust their intuition and realize that their children needed a mother who was caring, alert and reliable  in other words, good enough.

Similarly, when medical schools try to turn out ideal doctors, they can miss the opportunity to help them be good enough: perhaps not perfectly attuned to the patient, but at least respectful and professional. An etiquette-based approach can promote such behavior.

Etiquette-based medicine rests on the fact that patients derive comfort from specific actions  as opposed to attitudes or feelings  that are independent of the doctor’s emotional investment in the patient. My doctor may be tired, preoccupied or not that interested in me as a person; but I should still expect him or her to treat me with the kind of attentiveness and respect I recently received from a “genius” at the local Apple store.

The “genius” was skillful, efficient and professional, and solved my problem quickly without feeling my pain (which had been considerable). I don’t necessarily want or need to have an exceptional healer, but I would like to have good service. Patients should command at least the same regard from their doctors.