So women are from Venus, men are from B&Q. Scientists have confirmed what women have always known. Not only do men speak a different language. But unless the red planet contains Homebase, Jewson and HSS, that language ain't Martian.

The boffins observed men observing images of women in bikinis and found activity in the part of the brain that salivates over the imminent use of power tools. And after some time exposed to bikini pictures, in some men, the area of brain that experiences empathy will close down completely.

Many column inches have already been written about the need to remove girly pin-ups from workplaces so the male capacity to reduce complex human beings to sex objects doesn't kick in too easily or too often.

Feminists however will conclude that reporting of this news story has itself fallen victim to bikini brains. Scientists have found a part of the male anatomy dedicated to feelings of empathy – and this isn't the news story of the decade?

If men are biologically proven to be capable of thinking about other people then the selfish, self-oriented behaviour they tend to get away with must become unacceptable. Jokes like: "How many men does it take to change a toilet roll – who knows, it's never happened," would fail to generate roars of recognition unless most men were currently badly adrift in the empathy stakes.

But now the secret of their inner world lies bare. Can feel, won't feel.

And then there's the other embarrassing revelation – men have a bit of their brain that combines thinking about drill-bits and thinking about sex. And we let these people run banks? In fact, the only surprise should be that men let anything to do with (usually) the opposite sex inside an area that contains power tools at all.

A survey last year found that one in three men now prefers fiddling with gadgets and power tools to having sex. This may be a tribute to the attractions of machinery and DIY. Or testimony to the seductive power of the Shed. Trying to get inside – for women – is like trying to get into Fort Knox. Easier with explosives.

The invidious nature of male power tool addiction is under-reported. Addicts get their supplies from programmes such as DIY for Beginners shown at 2am. Disoriented by sleep deprivation, men occasionally buy tools that could be described as genuinely useful. Like a drill for walls and floors, drilling and sanding. For a true worshipper, this kind of multi-functional, sensible power tool must be resisted. A true believer must buy the gimmick that offers the least possible value and is guaranteed to be useful only once in its working life.

Like for example a gadget that holds three pieces of wood together at right angles. This is hugely useful when building a bedside cabinet. And then … well that's it.

The truly useless gadget is easily spotted by its price – no pointless tool costs less than £39.99. And nothing completely idiotic tends to be displayed before 2am when the male ability to think logically is still fairly high and some women may still be about.

But once the first pointless power tool is bought the die is cast. Henceforth men will make all sorts of strange excuses to get up in the middle of the night, pretend the multiple gadget home deliveries are actually from Amazon and litter the house with magazines like ScrewFit.

It's easy to mock, so ridiculous is the male obsession with machinery big and small. But it's dangerous too. Until now women have traditionally been the custodians of the home and men have been custodians of the workplace outside and inside the home. Thus men don't care what colour the curtains are, where the bookshelves are to be located or what kind of tiles are going in the bathroom (as long as they're cheap and don't need grouting). In return women don't care what ludicrous number of power tools and gadgets men are hoarding in their sheds – and we don't go in. The result of this cosy arrangement is domestic peace and global warming.

I know this sounds a little Al Gore. But there's an Inconvenient Truth about the current gender divide. It's a hardware/software thing. Women get to make decisions about everything soft – children, toilet rolls, food, cushions, duvets, tomatoes. Men make decisions about everything hard – cars, radiators, sound systems, desks, replacement windows and computers.

As a result women have switched off from all things technical. And men have run the heating, power and energy supplies to our homes. And they've been making a big mess of it. British homes are the least energy efficient in Europe. Our tradesmen insist new renewable technologies such as solar panels, wind turbines and even condensing boilers are too complicated to fit (because they don't know how to install them) and insulation won't work (it will).

Most men prefer fiddling with solar powered can-openers to getting the planet fixed. In the bigger picture, pin-up angst and bikini rage are mere distractions.