Sadik Kelbeto was bereaved by the fire at Grenfell Tower that killed 72 people: “My whole family was wiped out by the fire. I have to represent them. I owe it to them … these are our words and our voices. The government has an obligation to listen to us.”

In a report released yesterday by the charity Inquest, families bereaved by the fire at Grenfell called for major changes to the way the state responds to disasters. They tell of their lived experience in the chaotic days after the fire and their frustrations with the public inquiry.

By putting their experiences into words, bereaved families have done what some public officials giving evidence to the inquiry seemed unable to do: recall painful experiences to create a powerful set of recommendations.

The stories demonstrate how – since the initial, disastrous response – families suffering from unimaginable trauma have had their distress compounded by failures of communication and support. There are recommendations for improving disaster response, such as setting up a central “family support hub”, providing information, and ensuring keyworkers are adequately trained. “‘We were running around hospitals for days,” said one bereaved family member.

The families have also expressed frustration with the inquiry, saying they have been unable to achieve meaningful participation. They have called on authorities to adopt a duty of candour, for urgent recommendations, and an independent, diverse, decision-making panel. They are asking that inquiry processes are reviewed so that families’ own lawyers can ask questions. “Participation in a meaningful way is what would give the inquiry credibility,” said one family member. “Justice must be seen to be done.”

There is, undoubtedly, a need for urgent progress. These are all things that have ben promised – but there have been no actions behind the words. Nearly two years ago, Theresa May promised a swift inquiry with urgent recommendations in the interests of public safety. Not a single recommendation has been made. The Phase 1 report – originally promised “by Easter” or “in spring” – has been pushed back, with the latest update refusing to commit to a date. There has been a knock-on effect on the criminal investigation – police can’t take public action until the inquiry has concluded. There is still no news on the independent panel, announced a year ago this week. When asked, the inquiry says that this is a matter for the prime minister. The Cabinet Office refers back to the inquiry.

Behind the stories there are people juggling the inquiry with family and work, who don’t know when the inquiry will sit next. There are parents still waiting for the inquest function to conclude so they can receive final death certificates. The impact on daily lives has been deeply felt. Outside the official processes of justice, the government’s own promises to take down dangerous cladding stalled until the announcement this morning of a £200m fund to pay for removal. This has only happened because of a campaign by Inside Housing and residents of private leasehold blocks, many of whom were facing bankruptcy and ill health after two years of being ignored. A fire in Vallea Court in Manchester – which has similar ACM cladding – at the weekend showed just how vulnerable such buildings are. The fund is limited to three months, and it is unclear whether it will be enough for the estimated 166 private blocks where no works have taken place. It’s not clear if it will cover the costs of other remedial fire safety works such as fire doors and insulation.

This should be a moment of deep reflection. The inquiry – and government – now have an opportunity to put this right. There is an opportunity for the authorities to listen, take stock, and reflect on the message coming through from families who were bereaved by this very public tragedy. As one family member put it: “When the state has a hand in the death, then the state has a duty to address the lack of trust and confidence in that process. The state has a duty to answer that.” Grenfell must lead to change.

What is happening with Grenfell affects us all. It reinforces the need for the public authorities accountability bill to be reintroduced. The bill, a casualty of the snap general election in May 2017, would have codified what has been learned from previous inquiries into a set of responsibilities for government in the event of a major disaster, placing a duty of candour on authorities and giving families rights to enforce this. “We have a perception that the government will always look after us,” said one participant, “[and] thought there would have been an organised response, but there wasn’t.”

The writer Czeslaw Milosz once wrote: “The living owe it to those who no longer can speak to tell their story for them.” The families involved in this report have done their part. Residents weren’t heard before the fire. They weren’t heard during the fire. They weren’t heard in the chaotic aftermath. They must be heard now.

As one family member put it: “My family mattered … I wanted them to know how much they have taken away from me. Our families should not be forgotten about.”

• Seraphima Kennedy is a writer and academic researcher