Hello humans. Je suis Ciaran Callam and I’m a sugar addict. For as far back as I can remember I’ve been literally, irrefutably and undeniably addicted to the sweet tasting white poison we all love to cram into our food. I can’t bear to think about how much money I’ve spent on candy, chocolates, and other forms of junk throughout my life because I know it’s a figure that would horrify me to see written on paper. You see; I’ve spent countless hours gorging my face on delicious carcinogens and while I’ve got to admit that these form some of the happiest memories of my life, the fact remains that I am addicted and that something desperately needs to change. I’ve done a lot of research into the harms of sugar and now that I know just how toxic it is to my health, I can’t justify putting it into my body anymore. There’s also the fact that I’ve been feeling the negative effects of having sugar in my diet for a few years now. Whenever I eat sugary things, my thoughts and memory get hazy as all hell, my hayfever kicks into 5th gear, I feel physically sick and my vision actually deteriorates. Tis time for a change; so for the next 30 days I’m going cold turkey to once and for all beat my lifelong sugar addiction.

Wish a brother luck!

Day number 2

When I predicted that yesterday would be the easiest of my challenge, I didn’t realise how truly prophetic those words would sound, but damn it was I onto something. Loosely put, I’m miserable. I’m Annoyed. I’m Angry. I’m pissed off. Dare I say it, I’m fucking miserable and I’d love nothing more than to tie a belt around my arm until I found a protruding vein and inject some sweet poison into said fucking vein right now.

And; for anyone who’s put off by salty language, please know that I do apologise but also understand that I can’t fucking convey how fucking miserable I feel right now without fucking swearing, OK?

This must be how it feels to be a crack addict. I had read that sugar is 8 times more addictive than that stuff but my mind didn’t grasp the sheer magnitude of those words until today. This feeling I have inside me; this urge, this hunger, this burning need to feast, gorge, and stuff my face upon sickly sweet poison is exactly how vampires feel when they need to feed.

The crazy thing is that even though I categorically know that sugary foods offer no tangible health benefits and serve only to slowly poison me in both body and mind, I still want them.

Badly.

In fact the only thing that’s really stopping me from stuffing my pie hole with Reese’s pieces is the fact that I know I’ve got a cadre of strangers following this challenge and I don’t want to let them down. Sure, I could slam a Twix or some Maoams down my mouth (oh God, yes) and then just bs you all and act like I’d still been keeping the faith; but if I did that then I’d know I was full of crap, even if you didn’t. And trust me; I don’t have it in me to be the kind of sap who would feel the need to lie to strangers in order to feel better about himself, you know?

In any event, it is interesting, if not somewhat disturbing, that my brain cares more about saving face in front of people it doesn’t know then it does about preserving the longevity of its owner.

#assbackwards

I think what’s made things worse for me today is that I checked out some Airbnb guests who left an absolute wealth of junk food in my apartment, none of which I can actually eat. See this image here? A few days ago I’d have wolfed down the entire contents of that picture with zero remorse but now, thanks to my self-imposed practice of culinary celibacy, I can’t even have one of the fucking oranges!

On the plus side; being alone in a home that’s literally bursting at the seams with life-shortening treats can only be a net positive for the self-control and will power of yours truly. I’m also pleased to say that not only do I still have my original cash of sweeties, but that I’ve also added to them as you can see below.

In any event; please rest assured that as much as I’d love to slide that lollipop into my mouth and have its artificially constructed flavour molecules wage a delicious assault the taste buds of my eager wet tongue, I can and will hold true for at least one more day.

Yay Ciaran

What I ate today