“Senator Ted Cruz announced yesterday he’s placed himself under self-quarantine because of the virus, so every cloud has a silver lining, I guess. Ted calls it a self-quarantine, others call it having no friends.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“After being near someone who had the coronavirus, Texas Senator Ted Cruz said he will now work from home. Yeah. Yeah. When asked for comment, Ted’s wife and two children said, ‘What a [expletive].’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“Yeah, because coronavirus was at CPAC, four Republican lawmakers are quarantined and can have no human contact. And Ted Cruz is like, ‘What’s human contact?’” — TREVOR NOAH

“What’s really concerning is if it turns out multiple people in Congress have that corona contact, they might have to send all of Congress home, which would be a disaster, because if there’s no one in Congress, then who would be left to not pass any laws?” — TREVOR NOAH

“And once again, we’ve learned it’s never good when the words ‘coronavirus’ and ‘Cruz’ are in the same sentence.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Cruz has no symptoms, but just to be safe, he has said that he will be self-isolating. Yes, adding, [as Cruz] ‘In fact, just to be safe, I’ve been self-isolating for years. That’s why I eat alone in the Senate cafeteria, I had no friends in college, and no one came to my birthday party when I was 6.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT