Metal Lyricist Pens Deeply Personal Song About the Time He Rode a Motorcycle into Hell and Had Sex with a Demon

SHREVEPORT, La. — Metal singer/songwriter Jake Reid strayed from his usual topics of drinking and fighting in his latest work, telling the true story of his descent into the Inferno in a song titled, “Harley To Hades (Demonfucker),” unamused sources report.

“People are like, ‘Hey, man — killer song,’ which is nice… but they don’t seem to understand the suffering I went through here,” Reid said. “When I say things like, ‘Revvin’ up the big twin, gonna pay for all my sins; found a road that only leads down, gonna rip it up in Satan’s town,’ that actually happened.”

Reid claimed the song accurately describes the 48 hours he allegedly spent in the underworld — jumping over a lake of fire on his bike, shotgunning beers with Motörhead’s Lemmy Kilmister, and seducing a “Sexy Succubus” on Satan’s throne of skulls.

“It’s actually a really great song… but, yeah, as far as being an autobiography, that’s clearly just total bullshit,” bandmate Mark Best said. “He showed me the ‘brimstone burns’ on his bike tires, and scratch marks from a ‘hell-bitch,’ but it’s obvious he just rode his bike through some poison ivy.”

Family and friends say Reid has tried to convince them of his harrowing experiences on multiple past occasions.

“Yeah, sometimes, Jake just disappears for a week,” Reid’s sister, Amy Pahnke, said. “Then, he’ll show up on my porch with his clothes ripped to shreds and second-degree burns on his face or something. I think he was just on a peyote bender again.”

However, Reid still asserted that everything in the song actually happened.

“It fuckin’ happened, man! Why won’t anyone believe me? When I say, ‘Oh, you red-skinned slag — I’ll lay you down on the demon flag. I’ll make you cry my name, while Lucifer hands me his crown in shame,’ I’m pouring out my heart and soul,” he said. “It is very therapeutic actually, to finally get it all out there. For them to say it ain’t true is just insulting.”

Despite his setbacks, sources indicate Reid is already hard at work on his next song, based on the time he drank a gallon of mead with the Viking god, Odin, and wrestled Surtr the Giant.