“Well, I say if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably just told the geese to go back to Canada.” — STEPHEN COLBERT



“They had a vote. And by the way, there will be another vote on whether the president is a racist November 3, 2020. We’re all invited to vote on that one.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Few Republicans spoke out against Trump, including four out of 197 who condemned his remarks in a House vote. So most House Republicans are A-OK with racism, which is great news if Biden is elected, because at least he has a history of working with segregationists.” — SAMANTHA BEE

“Now all the Democrats voted for the condemnation, along with four Republican representatives: Fred Upton of Michigan, Susan W. Brooks of Indiana, Brian Fitzpatrick of Pennsylvania and Will Hurd of Texas. Or as they will soon be known, [imitating Trump] ‘Freaky Fred, Lazy Susan, Bitchy Brian, and I’m going to guess the black guy is Frederick Douglass? I don’t know.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT