When one of my closest friends told me she was pregnant, one of the first things she asked was whether it would be okay to bring their baby to my wedding in July.

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There wasn’t a second’s doubt in my mind that I would say yes.

Saying yes to kids at our wedding meant having a teeny tiny person who I’m going to watch grow up, involved in the biggest day of my life. How could that be a bad thing?

I love children, I’ve worked as a nanny and I’m hoping to have a family. So kids at my wedding was a no brainer. But even if I wasn’t someone who liked children, there’s no way I could bring myself to tell someone I cared about to leave their baby at home.




In the case of my friends and family with tiny babies, leaving a newborn baby with a babysitter isn’t a thing so it would mean getting married without them there.

What would be the point of having a big wedding ceremony if anyone I loved who had a small baby wasn’t able to be there?

Asking someone you love to be separated from their baby so that they can watch you walk down the aisle? That’s just selfish.

If one of the babies at my wedding starts screaming during the ceremony, it won’t be ideal. But I trust the parents in question to make a call between popping out into the garden or waiting it out.

The problems that babies bring to weddings aren’t caused by babies, they’re caused by selfish parents. Luckily, none of my friends is afflicted with that tendency.

Weddings are a celebration of love and family. Cutting out a section of the people you love and your family because they’re under eighteen seems illogical.

My fiance’s nieces are a huge part of his family. My bridesmaid (who I used to nanny for) is my flower girl and I couldn’t imagine walking down the aisle without her.

My wedding is going to have newborns, toddlers and tweens. There’ll be people breastfeeding during the ceremony, and probably on the dancefloor. It’ll be a mass of people from two sets of family, five different friendship groups and numerous generations.

Teenagers dancing with grandparents, overexcited children who’ve had lots of sugar and no supervision, it’s all part of what makes a wedding something special.

Weddings aren’t just glorified parties. They’re more than that. I probably wouldn’t invite children to a 21st or a 30th, but birthdays are different. They’re about one person, rather than a family.

A party is about getting pissed and having fun, and children aren’t always the best fit for that. A wedding encompasses the party element, but it goes much further. It’s about cementing your life.

The people who you invite to your wedding are the people who you want to continue to have in your marriage. They’re the people who you are inviting to be a part of your married world, as a couple. And for me, that involves children.



They won’t be children forever, before long they’ll be teenagers, and then adults. The children who are coming to my wedding are people who I hope to be around for in the future, whether it’s advice, a place to crash or someone to rant to about their horrible parents. Sharing my wedding day with them is the first step towards that.

Just because there will be children present, doesn’t mean that the wedding is all about kids. I’m not having a creche, or a clown. There has been no sense of making the wedding ‘child-friendly’ by sanitising it.

The best man’s speech will be just as raunchy as it would have been, had the wedding been child-free. The booze will flow just as freely. Allowing kids to attend doesn’t mean turning the whole thing into a Mummy & Me class.

Having worked with children I know that leaving them to get on with it and entertain themselves (as long as they’ve got access to plenty of sweets and space to run around) is better than trying to herd them into one place or force activities on them.

I’d heard it said that people don’t invite children in order to save money, which I’ve always found confusing. No, it’s not free to have children at your wedding, but to me, the children who are coming are no less valuable than the adults. If I don’t begrudge food and drink for my friends, why should I begrudge it to their children, who are also part of my world?


Some of my happiest childhood memories are from weddings. Making friends with other children, experimenting with drinking wine left on the tables, rolling down hills (and ruining my bridesmaid dress).

When I spend time with those adults who’s weddings I attended as a child, I feel like it’s a connection between us, even decades later. I hope that some of the children who are at my wedding might feel the same way towards me.

You can read the other side of the debate from Ellen Scott, here.

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