Rep. Joe Walsh (R-Deadbeat)

Rep. Joe Walsh (R-IL) may just be the biggest douchehole in Congress—which is a very competitive field. He's a deadbeat dad who refuses to pay the $100,000 plus he owes in child support, but will gladly collect an award from the uber-conservative hate group Family Research Council for, yes, being sooooooooooo "pro-family."

He's also a deadbeat driver, receiving multiple tickets, having his license suspended, and failing to pay his car insurance.

And now he's enlisting in the Fox-created War on Christmas:

I find it outrageous that Members of the United States Congress can’t wish their constituents Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah. We just want the ability to wish our constituents a ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah’ or any other religious greeting when we write to them. [...] This country was founded on religious freedom and free speech. The fact that Members of Congress are actually forbidden by House rules to say Merry Christmas to our constituents is un-American.If our Founding Fathers could see what this war on religion has turned their government in to, they would be rolling over in their graves. [...] Let’s stop worrying about political correctness, and start worrying about what we were sent here to do.



Yeah. Because members of Congress were sent to Washington to protect the sanctity of Hanukkah so the Founding Fathers don't spin in their graves. Or something.

And he and 61 of his fellow competitors for Biggest Douchehole actually sent a letter demanding that this horrible anti-holiday policy be changed:

It has come to our attention the House Franking Commission prohibits the use of holiday messages on official mail pieces and email newsletters. This policy prevents Members of Congress from addressing their constituents in the manner in which they feel is best and is just one more way political correctness is slowly dismantling the meaning of the Christmas and Hanukkah season.

There is so much fail packed into those two sentences. Like how no rule stops these whiners from saying whatever the hell they want to their constituents on their own dimes; they're just not allowed to do it on "official" government correspondence. You know, the kind paid for by taxpayers.

And then there's the completely insincere concern about protecting the Hanukkah season, which, given that this complaint comes from the same people who think saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" is some sort of apocalypse-inviting offense, rings a little, you know, hollow.

But wait! What's this, right here, in the very same letter?

In a recent memo from the Franking Commission Staff providing guidance on this issue, it was stated "You may make reference to the season as a whole using language along the lines of 'have a safe and happy holiday season," while in additional follow-up it was confirmed that greetings like "Merry Christmas" are not permissible.

Ohhhhhh. So this complaint—that they're not allowed to make any reference whatsoever to the holiday season in their taxpayer-funded official correspondence to their constituents, which is dismantling the Hanukkah season, which is causing our Founding Fathers to spin in their graves—isn't even true. It's just more of the same made up bullshit about how life as we know it will end unless we rewrite the Constitution to require that every American must have "Happy Jesus' Birthday!" tattooed on their foreheads, because that's what Jesus and Thomas Jefferson would have wanted.

Happy fucking holidays.