Over the weekend, the internet was on fire again (shocker), this time over the Black Panther star, Michael B Jordan, and his housing situation. People just couldn’t believe a man of voting age would actually choose to live with his parents. Because somehow it makes more sense in America to rack up thousands of dollars in debt, move into a teenier-tinier Tiny House, or even continue living with a partner you kinda hate than to endure the shame of being a young adult crashing in your childhood bedroom.

In fact, this sleeping arrangement is so degrading, the media has even coined a patronizing name for the losers who do it: boomerangs. They’re the millennials who’ve failed to live up to the idea of success our Protestant work ethic-obsessed society has shoved down their throats. They’re the ones finally doubting our long-held convictions that material gain, self-reliance, and that all important guiding principle – freeeeeeedoooooom – are what determine our sense of worth and give us purpose.

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Unlike most of the world, where family is number one and cooperation is valued over competition, Americans tend to think we don’t need family. Or anyone actually. I’m not saying family isn’t important to us. Of course it is. But it’s not quite as important as self-determination and the right to pursue individual happiness (like moving out at 18 and maybe even owning a gun), and we like to shame any millennial who dares to question our collective allegiance to this destructive bootstraps mentality that unbridled capitalism hinges on.

Michael B Jordan, thankfully, was able to refute any trolls trying to claim he might be one of these capital-L losers who mooches off his parents. The truth is, he’s actually a super generous guy who wanted to repay his parents’ love by purchasing a house big enough to host them. But even this explanation didn’t satisfy everyone. In America, we like to put parents in homes, not invite them to live in ours. Obviously #notallAmericans. But enough.

This whole conniption fit over Jordan’s housing situation is yet another disturbing example of America’s internalized shame around that story we’ve been taught to worship: the American dream. If you don’t believe me, google “millennials, entitled, home” and see for yourself. You’d think boomerang were a bigger threat to American values than even communism.

I get it, though. I myself never questioned this lone wolf, bootstrap mentality until I started hanging out with Americans who weren’t white, middle class, or Protestant. And once I started dating foreign men and living outside of America, I was quite disturbed at how much I judged people who didn’t leave home at 18.

It doesn’t help that baby boomers continue to blame iPhone and laziness for boomerangs, not a depressing job market

Nobody seems to shame boomerangs as much as we do in America. Not even in Europe, where I currently live and work. Here, it’s totally normal to stay at home until even 30. Almost half of Europeans do, actually. What’s not normal to them is having thousands of dollars of debt right out of the gate.

Even knowing all this, I’d still rather swallow knives than move back home. When I lost my waitressing job awhile back and struggled to pay $1,100 a month for a one-bedroom basement apartment with no kitchen in Los Angeles, it never once occurred to me I could move home. I’d hate myself, my parents might too, and, more importantly, my sex life would die. There’s nothing less attractive to an American than a grownup living with mommy.

Now, with thousands of dollars of new debt to my name, at least my pride is still intact, though!

The craziest part about all of this is America’s refusal to accept living at home as a practical solution sometimes. And it doesn’t help that baby boomers continue to blame iPhone and laziness for boomerangs, not a depressing job market thanks to robots, trade, and legalized slavery (sorry, “prison labor”), massive student loan debt, and a unprecedented housing crisis.

No, the culprit are loose bootstraps on these pesky millennial brats.

Until Americans can stop shaming the generations failing at the American dream and loosen our attachment to a mentality that’s bankrupting our youth, we will continue to fall behind the rest of the world in our quality of life. How self reliant are you when you’re living off of credit cards? I guess at least people will date you.

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