The Bus Ride

The show began when I blasted out a big diarrhea in my pants. The other people on the bus looked up, shocked by the startling farty noise. The diarrhea was leaking out of the bottom of my jeans and it smelled terrible... putridly awful. I liked it just fine though. The people on the bus were all staring and pointing. I already felt like a superstar. I had everyone's attention and I loved the feeling. I felt the bite of the celebrity bug, and relished it.

When celebrities are spotted in public, common people feel a bit intimidated, kinda nervous, and shocked. Just like when they look at me carrying a load of drippy, stinky, chunky diarrhea in my jeans. I sat there humming the theme to Star Wars and let everything sink in. At one point, a fellow rider got the nerve to walk up and speak to me. He said, "Excuse me sir... are you ok?" I looked at him, smiled and released the urine that I have been storing up. He could hear the spray in my pants and my open mouthed grin was an added special feature. He slowly backed away as I finished my pee.

My front was now all wet and my backside stained all the way down to my shoes. I played a slap slap game on my wet lap and made a clappy clap noise and grunted softly. I was putting on quite the show and the all bus riders stared and gawked. I stood up and decided to work the bus a little. I walked down the aisle, dripping waste, and the audience gazed wide eyed as if they were looking at royalty. I thought it might be fun to conduct an interview with an stunned old lady. I sat down *splut* right next to her and took out a pen. Using the pen as a microphone I asked, "Have you ever spoken to a man with doody and pee-pee in his pants?" I smiled and looked pensive. She refused to answer and just sat there shaking. I asked, "If I was to take out a gun and start shooting everyone on this bus, would you be upset?" I stuck the pen infront of her face waiting for a reaction. Her response was to pass out. Luckily for effect, her face landed right in my pee-pee covered lap. There's one for the "Best of..." clips.

Anyway, it was getting close to my stop so I knew I had to finish up with 'the coup-de-grace' if you will. I stood in the middle of the bus and performed a burlesque striptease. I hummed a tromboney song and peeled my soiled socks off, flinging them into the audience. My jeans were a struggle to get off, but when they were finally free I twirled them over my head spraying droplets of pee-pee and doody all over my admiring audience, they responded with ohhs and ahhs... Finally I was naked. I bent over and released some more diarrhea in full view of everyone on the bus. Spinning as it squirted out. I caught some in my hands and rubbed it all over my face and body. I was gloriously doodified. I stood before my new fans and bowed. They were beyond applause, beyond laughter, beyond any typical audience response. They sat before me awestruck. Their silent praise washed over me like gold. I took a deep breath, poised for greatness, and looked up at the ceiling. Peak time. As the vomit projected out of me like a fountain and splashed back down onto my own face, I knew I had climbed to a height few would ever reach and I thanked the good lord for my genius and newly attained fame.