Thursday in the Republican Party was like hilarious fan-fiction for Democrats to hate read until they hurt from all the laughing.

It started with Mitt Romney and Donald Trump erupting into a civil war. It ended with Trump bragging about the size of his penis and shouting back and forth with "Little Marco" Rubio and "Lying Ted" Cruz, then pledging to support the Republican nominee no matter what in the last question, before immediately starting to wiggle out of that pledge in a post-debate interview conducted before he’d even left the stage. Not to mention Trump’s insistence that he could get the military to commit war crimes by sheer force of will.


On the liberal-leaning Huffington Post, the banner headline Thursday night was COCK FIGHT.

Or, as Maryland Sen. Ben Cardin summed it up for the Democrats on Twitter as soon as the debate ended: “Come on.”

“How many more of these do we have to sit through? Asking for a friend. #GOPdebate,” Hillary Clinton tweeted, with a GIF of her rubbing her temples during one of her appearances in front of Congress. It got retweeted nearly 7,000 times.

How many more of these do we have to sit through? Asking for a friend. #GOPdebate pic.twitter.com/AxGFlerSRW — Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) March 4, 2016

Earlier, on Thursday afternoon, it was Trump's howler about the Republican Party being in good shape that had Democrats laughing into their popcorn bowls.

“You want to quote me as saying ‘hahahahahahaha’?” said Austan Goolsbee, who chaired the Council of Economic Advisers during President Barack Obama’s first term.

And that was before what almost became a new Detroit riot, right there on stage at the Fox Theater.

“Backyard wrestling rings have hosted classier fights than tonight’s GOP debate in Detroit,” said Democratic National Committee communications director Luis Miranda.

Thursday was the collapse of a political party in real time: Its 2012 nominee trying desperately to stop the person who’s looking more and more like the 2016 nominee, all while 2008 nominee John McCain bounced from saying he’d support Trump as the nominee just Wednesday to issuing a statement on Thursday saying he shared Romney’s concerns — and then later that day clarifying that he’d still support Trump.

Meanwhile, the only other living GOP presidential nominee whose last name isn’t Bush — Bob Dole — has said he’d be for Trump if that meant stopping Cruz, the much-hated Texas senator who’s one of the few left standing against the loudmouth real estate mogul.

But hey, if it’s all been building up to this, they’re suddenly feeling all right about it. A lot of them are literally giggling.

Asked to capture his feelings about Thursday’s events and what it means for November, Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney (D-N.Y.) said, "Let's just say I’d need an emoji.”

"When I watched this morning, I saw Romney’s mouth moving, but all I could think about was the stupid s--t Trump would say about him in response. And boy, did he deliver!" said Jon Favreau, a former Obama speechwriter.

Standing in Maine, Trump only seemed energized, more free-wheeling than he was in his orchestrated Super Tuesday evening national press conference, more controlled than he was after Rubio successfully managed to rile him up on the debate stage and over a weekend of jokes about Trump peeing himself and having a small penis. But he was just as secure in knowing that he’d dominate the news coverage and Romney wasn’t likely to shake his grip on the Republican electorate.

There just isn’t a clear way out for Republicans. Either Trump’s the nominee, and Republicans have to pull off the metaphysical magic trick of embracing him while distancing themselves from him—or he’s not the nominee, and he spends every day until Election Day figuring out new ways to troll and punish the people who withheld the prize from him, cable news cameras trailing him at every stop.

Republican establishment figures who used to laugh at reporters who’d write speculative brokered convention articles every four years are now gaming out whether the best way to keep Trump from hitting the delegate threshold is through consolidating behind one alt-Trump candidate or keeping them all in the race to split the support and force a second ballot.

Chicago 1968 at the Democratic National Convention might end up having nothing on the Republicans in Cleveland in July.

“To paraphrase Eminem, I think this is what it's like when a tornado meets a volcano,” said Kelly Ward, executive director of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. “The spinning disaster that is the Republican establishment has met the fire-spewing Donald, and the Republican Party is promptly melting down upon impact.”

The best part, they say, is that there are eight months to go, and this is all just getting started. The big tent’s a circus tent, and the animals are all on the loose.

“None of this should be surprising to them. For seven years, the Republican Party tried to court working voters with a policy agenda designed to appease the Kochs,” said Dan Pfeiffer, a former senior Obama adviser. “They tolerated intolerant voices in their party and they tried to benefit from racist birther conspiracies. Trump is the personification of all the intolerance and ugliness they tolerated.”

“It’s kind of like watching the Nationals dugout when Jonathan Papelbon went for Bryce Harper’s throat last season,” said Rep. Steve Israel (D-N.Y.). “I have to admit, as a Mets fan I had a tinge of fun watching the team that was supposed to win the NL East implode.”

That Romney — who helped elevate Trump by chasing his endorsement in 2012 and got himself the nomination by wrapping his arms around more conservative positions than he ever took as Massachusetts governor—is at the center of this makes it even sweeter, especially for alumni of Obama’s 2012 campaign.

"Hearing Romney talk about tax returns and consequences for the average worker, Alanis Morissette's rendition of 'Ironic' played on continuous loop through my ears," said Ben LaBolt, the press secretary for Obama’s campaign. "It sounds like he has deeply internalized the lessons of 2012— he might want to send his resume to the DNC research department."

“In terms of what it means, who knows, but I imagine clips of Romney’s speech will find their way into Democratic ads this fall,” Favreau added. “If Romney’s looking for a speaking slot after Trump bans him from the convention in Cleveland, he’s more than welcome at ours in Philly."

From the presidential level on down to Senate and House races, Thursday was full of Democratic joy and glee.

“You think to yourself ‘Oh boy, your opponent is weakening themselves and giving us an advantage,’” said Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-Md.), the House minority whip.

“If Republicans are already tired of questions about their party’s new standard bearer, they should consider calling it quits like Dan Coats did,” said Lauren Passalacqua, the Democratic Senate Campaign Committee’s press secretary, referring to the retiring Indiana senator.

Romney got in his digs — “his promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University” — but all Democrats noticed was the thrashing, crashing mess.

“They’re pointing out the wackiness of Trump’s policy ideas and explaining how they won’t stand up to scrutiny in November. Trump isn’t bothered. Why should he be? For Trump, IT’S NOT ABOUT POLICY,” Goolsbee wrote in a follow-up email.

“I do think that the traditional November question is ‘What, exactly, would you do as president?’ and it will be back, eventually,” Goolsbee added. “But until then, they’d better remember that nobody bothered to ask which of the royals was reasonable once they figured out how to work the guillotine.”

Daniel Lippman, Lauren French and Ben Schreckinger contributed reporting.