Long Distance BDSM Relationships

When negotiating long distance relationships there are a few more issues to consider than a live-in arrangement. The dynamics of control, play, training and discipline change depending on how much contact you have with each other and through what means. Any contract you write should still have the essential BDSM safety clauses, but you will need to add more terms to cover the logistics of your long distance arrangement. Here some issues to consider when drafting a contract:

Meeting in Person – if you intend to visit one another, you should stipulate how often this is required, where you will meet (this can just be left up to Master’s discretion) and how long for. The clause should also mention who is to pay the cost of travel and any accommodation expenses. It may also be prudent to state what behavior is required of the submissive when you do come into contact. Some Masters require their slave to kneel, kiss their feet/shoes and wait to be given permission to stand. Is eye contact allowed or should the submissive wait to be spoken to first? Etiquette is important to maintaining roles and respect within the relationship, but it also depends how formal you wish your arrangement to be.

Online BDSM – many Dominants and submissives now meet each other online through forums, communities and even through webcam services and never end up meeting face to face. There are situations where Dominants may have responsibilities for multiple subs they’ve discovered through the internet. Some may want a contract drawn up while others are just happy to be given orders without ever signing anything, digitally or in pen. Below are a few ideas you can incorporate into your online agreement.

Communication – with online BDSM arrangements, you need to consider how you will communicate. If you wish to call each other or use webcam/Skype, your contract should stipulate how often this is to occur. You may even wish to set specific days and times to log on. If this is too restrictive on your lifestyle, the relevant contract clause should alternatively state how such a meeting should be arranged. For example: the slave must make themselves available to talk over the phone/webcam at times specified by Master if given at least 24 hours’ notice by text or email. Verbal/visual engagements can be used to tease, verbally humiliate or play with the sub.

Dominating from far away – since the relationship is not in person, you need to set up ways where the Dominant can still have control even in a long distance setting. The contract can have specific daily tasks that the sub is required to carry out and report back to the Dominant. Here are some examples:

The slave must send a message to Master with a unique greeting and provide a plan for the day with any questions by 10am each morning.

A requirement to text Master whenever leaving the house and upon return.

Report to Master about the day’s activities and sub’s thoughts by midnight.

Wear Master’s cuffs/specific clothing from 10:00pm and leave them on until getting up in the morning.

Alternatively, the clause can just be as simple as stating the submissive shall comply with all daily tasks as commanded by the Dominant from time to time.

A great idea I’ve seen used is for the submissive to use a WordPress site as a private journal. The slave or Master sets up a WordPress blog which is restricted from being indexed by the search engines. On a daily/weekly basis, the submissive is required to write a post (set as private) detailing their thoughts and feelings and anything else required by Master. Only the parties will have access to this website, which can act as a journal.

Chastity – a lot of online Dominant/submissive relations can involve chastity and erotic sexual denial. If you’ve never met each other before, it’s probably best to start with baby steps by demanding small tasks. This will enable you to get to know each other’s abilities, boundaries and desired level of dominance. Some documents stipulate that the slave must never touch their genitals throughout the duration of the contract and that they are to be kept under chastity and under control of the slave’s Owner. The Owner will typically have rights to release the slave for denial training and exercise. The contract will give rights to control orgasm. At the end of the session, the Owner may permit the slave to ejaculate or may require the slave to return to the chastity device still frustrated. If you don’t know where to start, there are plenty of ideas for using chastity devices you can research online to make things interesting.

Like other BDSM arrangements, long distance slave relationships can be incredibly rewarding and can still satisfy an intense desire to be owned or to control. Just because you are thousands of miles away physically, doesn’t mean that Master’s guidance can’t be just as fulfilling. It will necessitate keeping in regular contact through electronic means which luckily in today’s world is getting easier by the minute.