SALT LAKE CITY — Within days of becoming licensed foster parents, newlyweds John Wright and Wilson Bateman got a telephone call from a caseworker.

A boy and his two sisters needed a foster family. Would they like to meet them?

The next thing they knew, they were getting acquainted at an ice cream shop. "They stole our hearts when we met them," Wright said.

Shortly after that, the children, ages 3-12, starting living with them full time. That was five months ago.

Before the legalization of same-sex marriage, the foster care placement wouldn't have been an option for the couple or the children. Under Utah law, people in relationships that were not "legally valid" were prohibited from fostering, adopting or providing kinship care to children in state custody.

Wright and Bateman were married within days of U.S. District Court Judge Robert J. Shelby striking down Utah's ban on same-sex marriage in December 2013, but the state did not recognize those marriages until the Supreme Court declined to hear Utah's appeal of a 10th Circuit Court of Appeals ruling that upheld Shelby's decision. That was on Oct. 6, 2014.

Four days later, Division of Child and Family Services director Brent Platt sent an email to the division's employees and community partners that said in part, "DCFS recognizes all married couples and individuals who meet the licensing and DCFS criteria for preliminary, kinship, foster care, and adoptive placements.

"When placement decisions are being made, we must always consider what's in the best interest of the child(ren)," Platt wrote.

Bateman and Wright are among 15 same-sex couples who have completed training or are taking classes to become licensed foster care providers, according to the Utah Foster Care Foundation. Statewide, there are nearly 1,300 licensed foster parents, says Mike Hamblin, the foundation's director of foster family recruitment.

There are about 2,650 children in state care, according to DCFS. Most of them have experienced abuse and/or neglect. DCFS's primary goal is work with parents and children so families can be reunited if it is safe and appropriate to do so, Platt said.

The division, as a first option, prefers to place children removed from their homes with relatives. But under state policy enacted in 1999, unmarried couples cannot be considered for kinship placements. When same-sex marriage became legal and couples married, the pool of potential relatives widened, Platt said.

The division prefers to place children removed from their homes with kin because they stay connected to their extended family and culture, he said.

"But because of something like this (prohibition on co-habitating adults providing kinship care), in every other way they’re qualified, they’re compassionate loving and caring. They know these kids and they say 'I want to take care of these kids' and we had to say 'Sorry, you can’t.' ”

Hamblin said the pool of same-sex spouses who are licensed foster parents is "small percentage but a growing percentage" of the whole.

Like Platt, Hamblin said the foundation seeks potential foster parents from diverse backgrounds so that DCFS caseworkers and foster parent consultants can make the best possible matches with children in care.

Foster parents Stephanie Robinson and Blair Warren, who also married in December 2013 after living together for a decade, completed their foster care licensing requirements in February. Their 11-year-old foster daughter was placed with them in mid-March.

Robinson and Warren marvel at the skill of the team that paired them with their foster daughter, who shares their sense of humor, likes their pets and takes part in the same outdoor activities the couple enjoys such as hiking and riding ATVs.

"It's been a very, very good fit," Warren said.

Initially, the girl had a few questions about their marriage, Robinson said.

They explained that like the girl's biological parents, that they loved one another, wanted to make a deeper commitment to one another, so they got married.

"She accepted that and we left it at that," Robinson said.

Concerns

The change does not sit well with some, who are uncomfortable with the possibility of children being placed in foster homes with same-sex married couples or single adults who are gay or lesbian.

Lynn Wardle, professor of law in the J. Reuben Clark Law School at Brigham Young University who specializes in family law, has authored numerous law journal articles and legal briefs advocating for traditional families.

In an article published in 2015 in St. Thomas Law Review, Wardle wrote that the history of adoption by gay or lesbian couples is relatively short so the full impacts are not yet known.

"There are, however, some early narratives that foretell the risks to children that responsible professionals and lawmakers who are concerned for the well-being of children should not ignore," he wrote.

Wardle, said the "dominant, decisive concern" in foster care placements and adoptions must be the best interests of the child.

"We must not allow popular cultural fads, lifestyles, and fashions undermine the best interests of children," he said.

At DCFS, children's interests come first, Platt said.

Caseworkers are trained to respect families' cultures and values, whether they are families who receive DCFS services or licensed foster parents or kin who offer to care for children in state care.

"The reality is, we don’t decide how a family is defined. We support kids and families in whatever the family unit is and we keep our personal opinions out of it. The reality is, if you can’t keep them out of it, then you might want to find another job. The expectation is you’re going to respect whatever family unit you’re involved with," Platt said.

Placing children

Before entering their training to become licensed foster parents, Wright, Bateman, Warren and Robinson said they were each concerned that they would encounter an institutional bias on the part of caseworkers who had decades of experience placing foster children with married parents of opposite gender or single adults.

After more than 32 hours of classroom and online instruction and the assurances of Liz Rivera, who leads foster care foundation's training programs, the couples believed they would receive the same consideration as other licensed foster parents. When each couple received a placement soon after their licensing requirements had been met, their concerns quickly allayed.

Each aspect of the training, Wright said, prepared him and Bateman for issues they encountered with each of their foster children, which included night terror, the oldest sibling who had assumed the role of parent and a toddler who was not yet potty trained.

The older children were behind in school and the youngest had developmental delays.

To ensure the children had the love and support they needed and Bateman and Wright could find a work-life balance, the family adheres to a schedule for meals, sleep, homework, activities and play.

Initially, the children pushed back against the structure and expectations.

"It was a long time before we had a full night of sleep," Bateman said.

Five months later, the older children have made significant gains in school, which they attribute to the support of their neighborhood school and their own efforts to help get the children back on track academically.

Instead of playing video games, the children are expected to read books. During their summer break, time is set aside each day for instruction in math and reading "so they don't lose what they've gained," Wright said.

Their youngest rarely spoke when she moved into their home. When she did, it was difficult to understand what she was saying, Wright said. Now, she talks up storm.

Robinson's and Warren's foster daughter had not attended school for nearly six months before she was placed in their home. The girl's parents reportedly abused drugs and their home was unhealthy to live in, Warren said.

Their first priority was helping the girl feel comfortable in their home and then working with her school and tutoring her at home to the point she was promoted along with her schoolmates to the next grade.

Mostly, they've offered the girl stability, encouragement and love.

Foster parents give children in state care "somebody to love them and really show them they're not alone.

"We're going to be there no matter what comes up. We're on her side," Robinson said.

Both couples said if the children they are fostering became available for adoption they would like to take the next step.

But they also understand that DCFS attempts to reunify families so they know they need to manage their expectations, Wright said.

Over the past five months, Wright's and Bateman's family has settled into a comfortable rhythm. But in any household with three busy children and two working parents, some days are more challenging than others.

"It's going good now," Wright said.

"Mostly," Bateman said, bolting to head off the youngest who wanted to "clean" their cat's litter box.

Parenting means putting the interests of the children ahead of your own, Wright said. While that's the case in any family, foster children come with an added layer of responsibilities such as taking the children to court, team meetings or therapy appointments.

Other challenges are practical in nature.

"I'm still trying to learn how to do little girls' hair," said Wright, softly laughing.

"For now, it's just pigtails and ponytails around here."

Email: marjorie@deseretnews.com