Sorry, fellers. Balancing school and a bajillion hours of work is making it hard to keep this bitch up. But you saved me that one time I accidentally picked up a hooker in Vegas. I swear, I thought Cinnamon was into me, but that’s neither her nor there, I’m looking out for you guys.

Guess who doesn’t work for Fox’s anymore?

Elroy.

That’s a lie, it’s me.

So, when I was at Pizza Hut and Domino’s, we’d always get busy in very predictable times and ways. Being so predictable, I was trained to handle such pressure, not everyone fully nails it down, but I did. When you get crazy busy, you basically become Super Sonic. You move faster, you enter a heightened sense of awareness, it’s like a high. It’s awesome. I haven’t felt that feeling since I worked at Domino’s. That is dot dot dot UNTIL LAST NIGHT! (suspenseful music)

So we’re busy as all fuck last night, busier when I’ve ever seen the place and I fucking loved it. I’m in such a good mood, Elroy’s complimenting my work ethic tonight and I’m playfully jabbing back that I haven’t needed to work this hard because this isn’t a real restaurant. We’re laughing, we’re busting our fucking asses and it’s all great.

UNTIL ELROY HAPPENED!

Elroy and I have been boys lately. He’s been super friendly to me and you can see the hate in his eyes starting to fade. It all started when he found out that I grew up on country music because that’s all my mom listened to. It amazed him. I’ve played him some pretty far out there styles of music over the months on our PA system and I threw on Graduation and made him really listen to it. All he said was “Wow! It’s not utter shit!” and “I will absolutely download this after work.” Since then, he’s been laughing harder at my jokes, I think we fist bumped once or something, Elroy’s been chill.

UNTIL ELROY HAPPENED!

So, he’s on the phone with a customer while I’m Tazmanian Deviling the shit out of some cheesy bread and steak hoagies and he asks “Do we deliver to *mumble mumble*?” I instantly reply “No.” Because it’s in another fucking town. I make a sort of slashing hand motion to indicate “No.” such as the time 3 seconds earlier when I verbally told him the word “No.” kNOw what I’m saying?

He continues with the order and I assume he’s placing a carryout instead. Nope. Little polish fucker went and placed a 100 dollar order. To another city. The very end of that city, not even close to the border. Guess who’s in the queue to take it with 10 deliveries behind it? If you guessed “The only delivery driver that works there!” Then you guessed right! Congratulations! You graduated logic using school!

So I flat out tell the GM. Fire me on the spot if you want. This is not in my job description. New insider kid who I bro with cracked up, but I’m in super ass kicking mode, this nonsense is in the way of me being productive and I need to kill it. I was in the zone, and Elroy wanted to drag me out of it. GM is a little fearful of confrontation, so I carry on as normal.

Now I did lie to you a little bit. I wasn’t the only driver who worked there. We do have one other fellow that can work anywhere from 5-7 hours a week, so while I was on a regular delivery, Elroy sends…oh, what should I name this guy? Hmm… Let’s go with George. So George goes out for an hour and twenty minute run leaving me with 10-14 runs and we’re already getting “Where’s my food” phone calls. We were packed like a muhfuck.

Rage. Blinding white rage. Because I wasn’t consulted about this order I told everyone to ignore because the customer wouldn’t pick up, Georgie left with only one bag on a two bagger order. Well, Theo, your hour and twenty minute rush with no partner is now two hours long. I walk up to Elroy and scream at him. “Because you’ve been a manager for three weeks and felt like contradicting the guy who’s been in this business since you were learning to successfully hide your masturbation from your parents, George didn’t know it was a two bagger and now he has to cross city lines, get the second bag and do this all over again. You put the hierarchy over the team and your solution to a bad decision was to throw another bad decision at it, you fucking fuckhead.”

Whole store immediately stopped.

You fucking fuckhead, not my best, but I was in a rage. So the GM gives me a “Why couldn’t you just say that quieter look?” And gives Elroy a “He’s right, you know.” kinda look. Elroy is now in shame. I’m seeing fire in his eyes, but I’m too busy working to care. Second we slow down, GM goes home and Elroy asks for my bank. I’m getting sent home early. I ask if he’d like me to show up and he said yes at the time, but I got an adorable phone call from him later where he says “Sorry to bug ya if you’re at your new job (I got a new job, by the dubs) but I talked to the owner and we decided you don’t need to show up anymore.) Completely over the GM’s head.

Scumbag Elroy.

The thing that makes me only mildly annoyed by this is that I ended up getting that job at the burger place. I’ve only worked one shift, as I felt obligated to give Fox’s my two weeks, but I had as many deliveries that I would normally take in three days at Fox’s. Seriously. It’s insane. It’s not a chain, so I can’t give you the name, which is chill because from now on, we’re just going to pretend I work at Good Burger: Home of the Good Burger. May I take your order?