Duncan Hunter loves America. The California congressman risked his life in Afghanistan, and he’s still making heroic sacrifices for the American people on the home front. This great patriot is willing to lay down his body all night long next to lobbyists and even legislative assistants, in service of his beloved constituents. And instead of awarding him hazard pay and overtime, Democratic prosecutors are engaged in a witch hunt to put him in jail for the crime of loving Donald Trump too much.

So sayeth Duncan Hunter’s lawyers, who justified his perennial philandering with lobbyists, arguing, “However unpopular the notion of a married man mixing business with pleasure, the Government cannot simply dismiss the reality that Mr. Hunter’s relationships with Individual’s 14-18 [sic] often served an overtly political purpose that would not have existed irrespective of his occupation.” Which is likely to impress Judge Thomas Whelan almost as much as it impressed the congressman’s wife, Margaret.

In their motion to exclude details of Congressman Horndog’s infidelity as “salacious evidence” which “provides welcomed fodder for the media,” his lawyers argue that “the Government fails to meaningfully consider the fact that, just as with Mr. Hunter’s platonic relationships, his friendships often blur the line between personal and professional, which is a widespread occurrence in modern politics.” Because everyone in the “Bros Caucus” sleeps with lobbyists and, so long as they talk about the people’s business for a few minutes before getting busy, it’s all good?

Understandably, Hunter is loath to see “Individual 14” on the witness stand describing exactly what she and the congressman were doing on the night of June 21, 2011, before she vacated the D..C hotel room so Hunter could spend the next two nights in the same room with his wife.

Another example of Hunter using campaign funds to pursue his personal relationship with I-14 came in June 2011, surrounding a dinner event held at a D.C. hotel. Margaret Hunter had planned a trip to Washington, and reserved a room at a Capitol Hill hotel for June 21 through 24. But she later changed her travel plans, and rebooked her flight from San Diego to arrive the next day, June 22. As it happens, Hunter was scheduled to attend an annual dinner event for a large non-profit advocacy group held on June 21, which I-14 helped to organize— and which was taking place at the same hotel. Hunter kept the June 21 room reservation and spent the night there with I-14. They paid the $455 hotel bill, for all three nights, using campaign funds.

But U.S. Attorneys have argued they need to prove that Hunter was actually engaged in “a series of intimate personal relationships” to establish that he wasn’t just having all-night policy discussions on a “double date” road trip to Virginia Beach with another congressman and their two lady friends. A trip paid for on the campaign credit card, and for which he “mistakenly” claimed a mileage reimbursement despite the fact that Individual 14 was driving her own car.

Because when the feds have you dead to rights (allegedly) and you make them chase you down for years on end, leaving an endless trail of motions in your wake, those prosecutors tend to get a little testy.

We have no idea what Additional Potentially Sensitive Conduct the government is alluding to, but it’s probably not knitting lessons.

Hunter’s lawyers, who appear to be getting paid by the page, filed an avalanche of motions last week. In addition to his embarrassing extramarital adventures, Hunter would also like to exclude evidence that his family operated continually in the red — 1,110 overdrafts resulting in $37,761 in fees over seven years — which may have led them to lean on the campaign credit card to stay afloat. And he’d like to have the trial moved out of San Diego County, where “jurors are just a keystroke away from hundreds of thousands of press articles and blog postings online, most if not all of a very negative nature.” He’d prefer a venue which went for Donald Trump by a minimum of 60 percent, preferably one without internet access.

The government pointed out that the Boston Marathon bomber and Enron’s Jeffrey Skilling couldn’t get a venue change, so the congressman can stand trial in a district he just won handily after the government dropped a 60-count indictment against him.

But it wasn’t all bad news. We did get this candidate for best footnote in a federal filing for June of 2019.

Regarding the rabbit, the response explains, “This is a tale of two rabbits. One rabbit [named Cadbury] was kept in Hunter’s official office and another rabbit was owned by Hunter’s children.” The response acknowledged that the family rabbit—though not the “official office” rabbit—traveled with the Hunter family. But it reported, incorrectly, that the rabbit’s airfare fees were paid using reward miles rather than campaign funds.

What a way for the family bunny Eggburt to find out that Congressman Hunter’s been stepping out with another rabbit from work. Those prosecutors are brutal!

Response in Opposition Government’s Motion to Admit Evidence of Use of Campaign Funds to Pursue Personal Relationships [USA v. Hunter et al, No. 3:18-cr-03677-1 (S.D. Cal. Jun 28, 2019)]

Motion to Admit Evidence of Defendant’s Use of Campaign Funds to Pursue Personal Relationships [USA v. Hunter et al, No. 3:18-cr-03677-1 (S.D. Cal. Jun 25, 2019)]

REResponse in Opposition to Hunter’s Motions (1) to Dismiss Indictment for Violation of Speech or Debate Clause of the Constitution; and (2) for Disclosure and Production of Grand Jury Materials [USA v. Hunter et al, No. 3:18-cr-03677-1 (S.D. Cal. Jun 29, 2019)]

Elizabeth Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.