To improve your ability to communicate with your partner, try to speak his language. To do this, it is helpful to stick to 3 things: be positive, brief, and purposeful.

1. Being positive or playful will lead you to the most success out of the three.

Being positive in your tone, perspectives, and approach invites a conversation with your partner. He will want to communicate more when he perceives you as being light-hearted or positive in some way. This is helpful when you need to bring up tough topics as well.

For instance,

“I always have fun with you on our date night. When do you think we can go out in the next couple of weeks?”

vs.

“You never take me out anymore.”

Send a signal that you are calm, loving, and want to have a conversation, not a fight. Being positive will get you far in male-female communication!

2. Being brief means that you pick the key points to share with him and make room for him to join the conversation.

Brevity will keep his attention and he will have more respect for what you have to say because it is to-the-point.

Try sticking to what you really want him to know or understand versus the fine details.

While this is tough, try to remember that the more often you are brief, the more conversations you can have and you will preserve his stamina for longer conversations when they are really needed.

3. Being purposeful means the discussion has a function, which peaks his attention and interest.

General communication will be viewed as purposeful when you include the important or interesting information, not just all of the information. Also, try tailoring to his interests and picking his preferred times and formats (i.e. talking via face-to-face, phone, email). The same rule applies if you want to discuss an issue.

Give it purpose by saying,

“I am frustrated with your work hours because I miss spending time with you.” versus

“I hate your work hours.”

Express your concerns by giving him an understanding of why you’re bringing it up at that moment and its significance.

Blending positivity, brevity, and purpose into your own way of communicating can help increase general conversation, productive conflict resolution, and overall understanding with your partner.

Dr. Randi Hennigan – www.cascadecresttransitions.com