OTTAWA – The RCMP have blocked the phone number of Opposition Leader Andrew Scheer after months of round the clock calls requesting the RCMP investigate and arrest the Prime Minister for his role in the SNC-Lavalin affair.

“This guy, again?” asked Cpl. Janet Côté to her supervisor listening to the third 10 minute long message Scheer left on their office’s voicemail. “He wouldn’t leave the station after filing a report, which was just a cut-and-paste of the ethics report. I had to pretend to be in the washroom for an hour to avoid talking to him, but he still didn’t take a hint.”

Despite having his office, home and cell numbers blocked by the Mounties, the Conservative Party leader wants to ensure that Trudeau is dragged out of Parliament in handcuffs and immediately sent to jail with no trial to fulfill the party’s one and only electoral platform promise.

Scheer claims that his repeated requests to the RCMP is only about keeping the Trudeau government accountable, and if it helps his party’s sagging popularity in Ontario, it’s just a bonus.

“I’ve called, texted, tweeted, wrote, snapchatted, and smoke signalled you about these crimes Justin Trudeau has committed just in case you’ve been living under a rock for the past six months,” said Scheer to a bored 911 operator from a payphone. “If you could kindly arrest Justin Trudeau for the grave crimes that he committed against the people of Canada before election day, it would be greatly appreciated.

…And making Doug Ford disappear wouldn’t hurt either,” added Scheer.