The Queen is said to be disappointed after the £52m spent on Royal Weddings in 2018 had failed to heal the ‘deep divisions in society’ the way she had imagined. Hopes that the sight of Princess Eugene enjoying a £3m horse drawn carriage ride through the streets of Windsor on her wedding day might be enough to take people’s minds off being homeless and hungry failed to materialise.

The Monarch was also taken aback to learn that news of a £369m tax-payer funded makeover at Buckingham Palace hadn’t gone down all that well either.

In her Christmas message to the people the Queen gave encouragement to the survivors of the Grenfell Towers tragedy, urging them not to give up hope: ’My thoughts go out to all the people from Greyfelt Towers. Had they been able to look out of their windows they would have seen the refurbishment taking place at Buckingham Palace……which just goes to show they should never give up hope.’

‘Once Harry and Meg have had their place done up a bit – a snip at just £15m, I might add – there might be something left over for them’, continued the Queen. ‘Mind you, with another Royal baby on the way and Andrew needing some new golf clubs….well, it might take a while. After all, it will take 10 years before the Palace is finished. So all being well, they could be back in their homes by 2029, give or take.’

;And the other good news is that I got a massive pay increase to pay for it all,’ continued the Monarch. ‘My annual wedge is going up from £62m to £80m, which means I don’t need to dip into my £400m personal fortune’.

Prince Charles was said to be very excited when he heard that the old boilers at Buckingham Palace were about to be replaced but his face dropped when he learnt it wasn’t a reference to the Queen and Prince Philip.