i'm feeding on a steady diet of leftover chinese, fortune cookies, and celery sticks doused in peanut butter. eating celery is supposed to help you burn calories as opposed to putting them on when you eat it but i am sure that by dipping it in a jar of crunchy jif reduces or eliminates any nutritional value it carries. the last time i checked, i was still married, still in a band, still an alcoholic, and nicole richie would like me to come to her house and knock her windows out. i am not sure if there is supposed to be innuendo behind that or not. does anyone know if there is a limit on how many days you should leave crab rangoon and vegetable fried rice in your refridgerator before it becomes disgusting? i have only had it in there since last night. i threw a super bowl party which basically means that i drank a case of corona and half a bottle of vodka and laid in my bed until three am, convinced that someone was walking around my house trying to kill me. i woke up at 8 am and i was still wasted so i had more vodka and smoked a bowl and listened to half of the new eisley album which is really amazing when you are stoned. then again, the only thing that isn't incredible when you are stoned is the real world. everyone just looks like a bigger tool. poor philadelphia, they got dealt the worst cast out of any cast i have ever seen. and i thought hawaii was awful. they should have let that poor alcoholic drink in peace.



i do not believe that i said happy birthday to my wife in the appropriate fashion. so hello shakira happy birthday. thank you for being wonderful enough to make it through a year of marriage with me without divorcing me regardless of the fact that we have probably slept with other people more than we have slept with each other. but that's alright because the only point in getting married is having someone give you direction in life and you direct me constantly. by that i mean that i am pretty much willing to do anything that you ask me to but i guess i also mean it in a positive way. valentine's day is this weekend, i will try to make up for all my shortcomings as a significant other somehow.



in other news, someone tried to overcharge me for newports at a liquor store and i threw a tip jar in their face. it's 9 pm that means it's a perfectly decent time to polish off a bottle of smirnoff.