When I saw this promotional video from The Bachelor last night, I started screaming, and I have not stopped screaming ever since. My vocal cords have written a will, and it says, "I HOPE BRI WINS THE BACHELOR."

To explain, ahead of the reality show's premiere on Monday, ABC released a short clip of this season's bachelor, former football player Colton Underwood, meeting one of the women who wants to be his fiancée. I'm not going to say anything else. Just watch it for yourself.

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Is this lie going to take her down (under)? #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/OrHrathRYJ — The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) January 3, 2019

That's RIGHT. One of the contestants, Bri (if that's even her REAL name), FAKED an Australian accent to set herself apart. I am screeching. I am making the sound Margot Robbie's hairline makes in Mary Queen of Scots. I am making the sound that water makes when it gurgles in the opposite direction down the drain. This is bonkers. Even in a show where the contestants usually do whacky things to catch the Bachelor's eye, like make an entrance on the back of a camel or wear a shark costume (or turn his stomach—as in the case of Josephine from Nick's season, who made him eat a raw hot dog *smiley face emoji*) this is a bold move.

Nicole Kidman would never. Even Nicole Kidman in To Die For would never.

Colton Underwood, lover of Australian accents(?) Craig Sjodin ABC

You'll note that, although Bri's no stranger to deception, she didn't technically lie to Colton in the clip. When Colton inquires, "Where are you from?" she replies, "The accent is Australian. I was hoping that you're kind of a sucker for accents." Colton says he loves it, and...cut to Bri saying: "I'm not really Australian, but you have to do what you can to stand out."

The outback sun couldn't melt this ice-cold interloper. WE STAN A SNEAKY QUEEN. Stand aside, any Hemsworth! Bri from The Bachelor is my favorite Australian now. (For the record, Bri—short for Brianna—is actually a model from Southern California.)

The Australian accent is notoriously challenging: If you've been watching The Good Place, you'll know it's so hard that even amazing actors like Ted Danson and Kirby Howell-Baptiste can't nail it. Kate McKinnon's "Australian" accent in Rough Night makes me want to cry. (*whispers* Even Meryl Streep's "The dingo took my baby" is...off. Sorry.)

Here's both Kate McKinnon and Jimmy Fallon doing a bad job at the Australian accent.

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The most impressive fake Australian accent I have ever heard is Ariana Grande's impression of the late, great wildlife lover Steve Irwin. It's a little broad, yes, but she's holding it whilst both running and doing a long joke bit about reindeer. Ari also gets points for deploying several extremely Australian turns of phrase, including "dead as" and calling things "young" when they are not necessarily actually young of age.

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I have to admit, I'm Australian, and on first watch I didn't catch that Bri's accent was fake. But on second watch, there's something not quite right about it—the syllables are a little too conscious and disjointed. Still, she did a decent job, and she seemed to fool Colton. The secret to Bri's success? Elongating all her "o" sounds and adding a slight "rr" to the end of them, and then linking the words together, kind of like she's drunk.

Ready? Let's try.

She's saying: "So nice to meet you."

She's pronouncing it like: "Sorr nice-ta meetch-oo-rr-uh."

Tenor

Some other tips for you, in case you want to trick a nice young man into thinking you're from the land down under: Say the words rise, up, and lights quickly in a regular American accent. Voilà! The result sounds like you're saying "razorblades" in an Australian accent, although I have no idea why you'd want to do that.

Also, to say "Let's go to a bar" like Toni Collette (because you know she would), just pretend the "a" is a "w" instead: "Let's go to wbar." (Don't pronounce the "r" at the end!) Amazing job! Here's your Oscar.

If you're still stuck, don't worry. Even Natalie Portman thinks it would be the hardest accent to master. The actress recently told Buzzfeed that Rose Byrne tried to teach her how to do a savvy Australian accent; one thing she did pick up is that "No" is actually a five-syllable word in Australia. Norr-rrr-rrrr-rrr-rrr.

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Full interview: Natalie Portman joins #AM2DM to talk her new film "Vox Lux," #MeToo, #StarWars, and more pic.twitter.com/DzrJfQAExu — AM2DM by BuzzFeed News (@AM2DM) December 20, 2018

Finally, if all else fails, just say, "Your budgie smugglers are showing." That will shut them up. And now, you're Cate Blanchett! You look great in that blazer. Let's go down to the pub.



The Bachelor premieres Monday, January 7 at 8 P.M on ABC.

Estelle Tang Senior Editor Estelle Tang is the former senior editor of ELLE.com.

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