Not only do problems generate bad press, but they can also bring out the most neurotic tendencies of everyone involved.

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Take this little-known Government Accountability Office report from June 2002, which comprises 220 pages of back-and-forth between the Bush White House staff, the Clinton White House staff and the General Services Administration about, in essence, who stole what doorknob.

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So, in the interest of saving everyone from that kind of craziness, here is what White House staff should not do on its last day:

Scatter bumper stickers. Record obscene voice-mail greetings. Damage furniture. White-out computer keyboards. Smear Vaseline over desks. Unplug refrigerators. Write on walls. Take cellphones, TV remotes or presidential medallions. Glue telephones or drawers. Abandon holiday decorations. Smash locks.

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Clinton’s team did all of this, and at Congress’s request, the scene was meticulously reconstructed through nearly 200 after-action interviews by the GAO. Did you know Al Gore accidentally took a bust of Abraham Lincoln home, only to return it after Dick Cheney made a fuss? Now you do.

The report also includes anecdotes such as this one:

“A former employee … said that on his last day of work at the end of the administration, he left a voice mail greeting on his telephone indicating that he would be out of the office for the next 4 years due to a decision by the Supreme Court, and he provided his home telephone number.”

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And insights like this:

“Staff [described] the office space as being ‘extremely filthy’ or ‘trashed out’ and [said] that a certain room contained ‘a malodorous stench’ or looked like there had been a party. … Three of the [GSA] team leaders said that they saw personal items left behind, such as unopened beer and wine bottles, a blanket, shoes, and a T-shirt with a picture of a tongue sticking out on it draped over a chair.”

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In one case, the Secret Service actually took fingerprints from a door where a 12-inch presidential seal had been removed without permission. “No suspects were identified,” the GAO writes.

Let’s be clear: Only 108 of the then-roughly 1,200 rooms in the White House complex were affected, and only a fraction severely. But if you think the GAO was overdoing it, consider this: attorney-general-to-be Alberto Gonzales, then Bush’s White House counsel, complained its efforts were insufficient — in a 76-page letter.

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“The President and his Administration had no interest — and have no interest — in dwelling upon what happened during the 2001 transition,” Gonzales wrote.

A casual reader might dispute this based on sections from his letter such as this one, about a “sticky substance” found on desks:

Or this, disputing the GAO’s method for counting pranks:

We’ll let readers decide whether the Trump or the Clinton administration will be more exacting about pranks.