The first semester of my final year of college I took a stand against a speaker my university decided to bring to campus to talk about rape. I was supposed to promote the speaker at the chapel elective I was coordinating. This speaker does not talk about consent. He does not talk about rape culture. He is problematic.

So I said no. I said no for myself. I said no for my friends. I said no for my family. I said no for the people who did not get to say no. I said no because one very important time I said no, a man tried to teach me that I didn’t get to have a say.

But I am still saying no. No to rape. No to rape culture. No to injustice. No to silencing myself.

I tried to make it real for the people I worked for. I tried to help them understand that rape happens because we live in a culture that normalizes rape. I tried to help them see how my experiences have taught me to normalize rape. I told them I am not the only one.

The people I worked for told me I was too broken to coordinate the event. That I couldn’t be trusted. One day, maybe, but not right now.

They told me I was fighting too hard. They wanted to know why I didn’t love them. They told me to stop saying no.

Do you know what it’s like to have a pastor communicate to you that you are broken because you have experienced assault?