My fingers started swelling for the first time about two and a half months ago. I didn’t really notice at first – I just thought the cold German weather was to blame for my hands being slightly red and uncomfortable.

After a long winter day in Munich, Mr. Meena and I returned to our hotel room and I attempted to take off my wedding band. It was a ten minute long struggle of twisting and turning the ring while grimacing from the pain of the metal squeezing my ring finger. After it was finally off my finger I stopped to wonder why it had gotten so stubbornly stuck in the first place.

It finally occurred to me that my fingers might be swelling from arthritis. I was diagnosed with early onset osteoarthritis nearly a year ago. (Update: I was diagnosed with lupus in January 2017, and we now know that lupus arthritis is actually the cause of my swelling.)

I’ve only been married for two years; I still get pretty excited about wearing my wedding band. I look at it and remember that someone loves me more than anyone else in the world. Sometimes I try to put it on and am refused by already swollen fingers. Other times I slip it on nearly effortlessly only to wonder if I’ll be able to get it off hours later. My fear of swollen fingers often makes me take that circular symbol of love off my hand moments after I put it on.

Right now it’s winter in Germany and I generally go out with my fingerless gloves on and no one would even know if I was wearing my ring – especially since Germans tend to wear theirs on the right hand, anyway. But I know that it’s tucked away at home instead of occupying its rightful place on my finger. I haven’t even bothered to take it out of our safe for weeks now.

Arthritis has already taken several things from me in the year since I was diagnosed and started having real symptoms. It’s taken away my ability to go on long bike rides and wear cute non-supportive shoes. I can no longer chop vegetables by hand if there are a lot of them or they need to be finely minced. I can’t handle the rough cobblestones of small German towns without pain medication. And I have to change my routine to be super ergonomic or suffer the resulting aches.

There are many ways to fight back against this chronic disease. Mr. Meena and I can buy comfy seating with more support, kitchen gadgets that do the chopping for me, or amazing snow boots to help me brave our winter walks. But I can’t hire someone to wear my wedding ring for me, nor would I want to.

I could always get the ring resized at the dealer so that it would fit when my fingers swell and use a ring clip when it doesn’t. But that’s not really the heart of the issue. This disease is a thief and it’s not going to stop stealing things from me.

Above photo by Roberto licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0; modified by My Meena Life.

Featured photo by Stiller licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.