Bobby Warshaw.jpg

Bobby Warshaw, right, in action against D.C. United. Photo courtesy of F.C. Dallas.

Some nights I lay in bed restless, turning, watching movies to make the time pass. I could close my eyes and roll over under the covers, but it wouldn't make a difference. My heart is still racing, my mind wandering. The good, the bad and the ugly run their highlights through my thoughts. The day keeps replaying itself. My body isn't ready for it to end. My heart doesn't want it to end. Some nights it's hard to move past the events that have transgressed. But I shouldn't act like these are just any nights: these are the nights after a game.

Something special happens on a game day. A hot air balloon takes a player on a ride to Oz. You wake up and start the day in Kansas as Oscar and you end up in Oz as the Wizard. You begin the trek as a regular man, transform into an alter-ego, perform extraordinary tasks, and return again as Oscar, feeling somewhere in between the regular and the transformed. The hot air balloon takes you through different places and different lives. You become a person only possible with the balloon ride, or for an athlete, only accessible on a game day.

I start my adventure- a game day- as a regular guy. In the soccer world, I am a generic American Joe: high school in a suburban town, multiple sports growing up, college for four years. I enjoy card games and politics and writing. And I find empathy and humility and kindness to be important human characteristics. It all seems boringly normal, right? Oddly enough, this is where the balloon ride begins.

The field of competition has very little need for any of those interests or values. Empathy doesn't get you wins and humility doesn't get you in the lineup. Regular Joe gets pulled out of his comfort zone. A 90-minute game is a series of individual battles. A game is won or lost by a person making a great play or a bad one. Tactics and preparation help, but it comes down to a single moment, a single action. A moment of man vs. man, you vs. him. A chance to show your mettle. It is both brutally honest and beautifully powerful. Your high school honors classes won't help you here. As we say on the field, The ball never lies.

I don't want to take compassion and empathy into those battles. I can't use my knowledge of politics or poker and I don't need the jump shot I perfected on the playground. Regular Joe doesn't do me much good. With a battle on my hands, the potential of hero or goat, how do I reconcile my need to win with my priorities as a human? If regular life prefers normal Oscar, a game requires the Wizard. How can I be the person I want to be and the player I want to be?

The answer: separate the two. In a week long session with our team in Dallas, sports psychologist Bill Beswick offered the solution, "You need to be a different person off the field than you are on the field." He said, "You can be the nicest person in the lunch room, but you need to be a fighter in the game. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's required."

Being a good person doesn't have to keep you from being a great competitor. And being a fierce competitor doesn't limit your capacity to be a caring human being. Becoming angry and fierce on the field doesn't declare you an angry or fierce person. Nor does being a humble individual suggest you don't believe you will win every battle in between the white lines. They aren't mutually exclusive. Different rules govern different games. Become the person you need to be to perform at your best.

As I walk onto the field on a Saturday night, I become a different person than when I woke up. The hot air balloon begins to take off. The warm up isn't for my muscles. The warm up targets my emerging mindset and personality. Regular Joe had a productive day but he's going to go relax for a little bit. It's time to enter a new world, to get the Big Dog barking, the fighting dog energized. Leadership, adrenaline, and pride come to the forefront. My heart rate starts to increase and my mind begins to focus. For the next two or ten or 90 minutes, I am going to feel emotions and reach an intensity that my regular personality can never achieve.

During the game, opponents throw their bodies, hatred, and obscenities towards each other. After the game, they sit down for dinner and ask about each other's families. During the game, teammates yell to command commitment and demand effort. After the game, they hug and share jokes in the locker room. During the game, some of the nicest men become the fiercest fighters. They follow the written and unwritten rules, but understand that what happens during the game stays within the lines. Afterwards, we step back into our normal personalities in our normal lives.

As I lie in bed catching up on episodes of "Game of Thrones," I'm waiting for that regular guy to return. I'm stalling until the intensity subsides, killing time until the ride ends. The barking dog takes a while to calm down, to let the heart rate slow and the mind relax. It’s a fidgety time, but a valuable one.

Who I become in the game helps me realize who I want to be as a person. Responsibility, discipline, passion, and perseverance are traits I want to carry all the time. Anger, combativeness, and arrogance are parts I want to leave on the field. The field gives me an appropriate place to feel their powers and potential problems. The game requires me to harness my competitive self, and helps to build a better regular self, a better brother, son, and friend.

While the lights might have gone off and the fans have gone home, the night isn't nearly done. The game hasn't finished playing itself out. As I close my eyes, it still runs through my mind. As I toss and turn on the sheets, it continues to race through my veins. Soccer doesn't always have complete control, but on a game day it assumes unquestioned authority. It takes me to a different place. Some nights, it takes a while to come down from the ride.

This article is the second in a series from F.C. Dallas player and Mechanicsburg native Bobby Warshaw. To read more about Bobby Warshaw click here.

Warshaw will be among a number of Dallas players competing in a MLS Reserve League game Tuesday afternoon in Montreal. And while Schellas Hyndman's club will be idle again until meeting the Houston Dynamo next Wednesday at home in the Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup – Warshaw last week played all 90 minutes in Dallas' 2-0 third-round win over the NASL's Fort Lauderdale Strikers -- Warshaw will have the chance to play near home on June 29 when Dallas squares off against the Philadelphia Union at PPL Park in Chester.

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