Local Woman Wouldn't Personally Shoot Anyone In The Face But Supports A Murderer's Right To Choose

WINDWOOD, AL—Local woman Lora Atkins said Thursday that she wouldn't personally shoot anyone in the face but supports a murderer's right to choose homicide.

She says she personally finds the subject of shooting people in the face "icky" and "disagreeable," but that she doesn't want to go around pushing her morality on everyone.

"I would not kill someone myself, but I support a murderer's right to choose homicide," she said. "It's not my business."

"If I could walk a minute in the shoes of a guy who's about to blow the head off his next victim, maybe I'd feel differently."

At publishing time, the woman had also applied her logic to running over hapless pedestrians, beating someone to death with a 5-iron, and stabbing someone in the neck.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee