You can’t make this up. Former Scientologist turned critic Mike Rinder posted this speech on his website earlier. It’s Scientology chief David Miscavige’s speech at the closing of the recent 30th anniversary cult gala in the UK. Your friends Tom Cruise and John Travolta were in attendance.

Miscavige, whom Cruise reveres, told the audience “We are everywhere and everyone.” In italics. He also said “You are witnessing a space time continuum where clocks stand still, and production hits levels that are are almost supernatural.”

I’m disappointed to hear that it’s just ‘almost.’ I feel let down by this information.

Miscavige adds: “We are the rock and fortress of humanity.”

Did you know– this is true– the name of the mental hospital on “General Hospital” is the Miscavige Clinic? It’s not a coincidence.