JEREMY Corbyn has confirmed the Labour Party is to be dismantled, greased and put into storage.

Following his re-election, the Labour leader told members that continuing to run a party without any chance of achieving government was wasteful, expensive and bad for the environment, so it would be put away until a more optimistic electoral outcome could be achieved.

He said: “This isn’t the end of the Labour party. But right now, with Brexit, the privatisation of the NHS and the collapse of our support in Scotland, the Labour party – and, indeed, Britain – is not a great place to be.

“So the party, including MPs, employees and key supporters, will be covered in grease and packed away until at least 2025 in the hope that by then the UK will be ready to vote for a restoration of its 1970s glory days.”

He added: “Do not mourn for us for we are not dead. We are merely sleeping until you have need of us again.

“Good luck with all that stuff, by the way. I hope it goes well.”