Alright kids, settle down, settle down. Timmy, watch out for the fire, you'll burn your eyebrows off! And Maggie, stop bugging your sister! I have something important to tell you young ones. I want to tell you the tale of the Rockies beating the Washington Nationals 6-4.

Now I know, I know, Rockies victories are the stuff of legends, about as believable as the twelve Labors of Hercules. But my grandpappy told me this story, as his grandpappy told him. I believe it to be true. So now I'll relate it to you.

According to myth, Jorge De La Rosa started the baseball game for the Rockies, and oh what a start it was. In perhaps his best start of the season, De La Rosa racked up 11 strikeouts in 7 1/3 innings. Now I know what you're thinking, kids, No Rockies starter has ever pitched into the eighth inning. I found it hard to believe myself, but sometimes the truth can be nigh-unbelievable.

He wasn't an invincible titan as he allowed eight hits and two runs, but those 11 Ks against zero walks was magnificent indeed. The warrior's time with the Rockies may well have been coming to a close (whether he was traded or not has been lost in the sands of time), but the outing most assuredly made the scouts of other teams take note.

Speaking of warriors, this victory came against one of the very best or the era, the great Stephen Strasburg. In the first inning Josh Rutledge doubled, Corey Dickerson doubled, and a pair of singles from Ben Paulsen and Mike McKenry plated three runs. 'Twas indeed an encouraging start, but as you kids are no doubt aware, Rockies history is replete with encouraging starts that turn to ashes.

But it looked like this story was cruising to a happy ending. The Rockies added an insurance run in the sixth on a Charlie Blackmon single. They added two more in the seventh, when Nolan Arenado doubled home Dickerson, and later scored himself on a botched drop-third-strike. I see from all your disbelieving eyes that you do not consider an easy Rockies victory to be even remotely plausible. In that regard, children, you are quite right.

For closer LaTroy Hawkins, a man of much valor and fortitude, did not silence the Nationals so easily. He recorded the first two outs with nary a problem, and the bards were already scribbling of this handy victory. Four straight singles followed; two were unlucky bloops, but two were blasted up the middle. The lead had been halved. And then, incomprehensibly, Josh Rutledge booted the would-have-been game ending grounder off LaRoche's bat. The bases were loaded.

And up came Ian Desmond. Desmond, the man who had pillaged and plundered Coors Field for years, the greatest enemy the Rockies had ever faced in a Nationals uniform. The battle between Desmond and Hawkins was a clash of heavyweights, reminiscent of Achilles duel with Hector before the gates of Troy. And, after numerous foul balls on a 2-2 count, Hawkins struck out Desmond swinging. The Rockies won.

Yes children, the Rockies won a baseball game. 2014 may have been a year of much weeping and gnashing of teeth, but on July 23 the Rockies did prevail. I have told this story to you. And perhaps you will tell your own grandchildren some day.

For illustrative purposes, let me draw this WPA graph in the dirt here.

<iframe src="http://www.fangraphs.com/graphframe.aspx?config=0&static=0&type=livewins&num=0&h=450&w=450&date=2014-07-23&team=Rockies&dh=0" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" height="450" width = "450" style="border:1px solid black;"></iframe><br /><span style="font-size:9pt;">Source: <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/livewins.aspx?date=2014-07-23&team=Rockies&dh=0&season=2014">FanGraphs</a></span>