With billions of people passing through the world’s airports every year, smuggling is bound to pose a problem for customs officials. Most people have probably brought illegal contraband past customs at one point or another, whether it was a pack of cigarettes, or a bottle of booze that never quite made it onto the customs declaration form.

Chances are, though, that you’ve never crept across the border with a wild animal stashed in your pants or a baby in your carry-on luggage. Whether they’re trying to make a quick buck selling on the black market or simply ignorant to import laws, smugglers have proven time and again that the creativity of criminals knows no bounds. Read on for some of the craziest contraband customs agents have ever confiscated.

1. A Tiger Cub In A Suitcase



Thai woman Piyawan Palasarn might have misunderstood how X-ray machines work when she packed a live tiger cub among stuffed tiger toys on her way to Iran. When she had trouble checking her oversized bag, the X-ray operators found the drugged animal and alerted authorities. She tried to use the old, “someone asked me to carry this tiger through the airport” excuse, but it didn’t fly: Palasarn now faces up to four years in prison for wildlife smuggling charges. Her intentions for the tiger remain unknown.

2. A Chihuahua

On the other hand, X-ray operators believed they were looking at a toy dog when they scanned carry-on luggage entering Dublin because “it was standing up and it looked so rigid.” They were surprised to discover a very real chihuahua in a cage when they opened up the bag. The smuggler was attempting to circumvent health and quarantine laws, and allegedly wanted to give away the contraband canine as a gift.

3. “Monkeys In My Pants”

It’s best to come clean when you realize you’ve been caught with your pants down. That’s what happened to Californian Robert Cusack, who was undergoing a routine inspection on his way home from Thailand until airport staff opened his suitcase and an exotic bird flew out. After searching his bag, they found three more birds and 50 orchids. When prompted to declare any other contraband, Cusack confessed: “Yes, I’ve got monkeys in my pants,” and turned over a pair of endangered pygmy monkeys, which he had, in fact, been hiding in his pants.

4. Hummingbirds In Pants

Just in case you thought stashing wild animals in one’s pants was an original idea, think again: when “curious bulges” in a traveler’s pants aroused the suspicions of officials in Cuba’s Camaguay airport, a strip search revealed dozens of rare hummingbirds and songbirds, many of whose beaks were taped shut in order to keep them from chirping. What even more bizarre, the traveler tried to argue that he only had one bird, a pigeon, which was a gift for his grandson. Which leads up to our next story. . .

5. Pigeons In Pants



An Australian man actually did attempt to smuggle pigeons into Melbourne after a trip to Dubai. The birds were--you guessed it--hidden in his pants, wrapped in padded envelopes and attached to his legs. Customs officials also found two bird eggs in his luggage and seeds in his money belt, as well as “an undeclared eggplant.”

6. More Hummingbirds In Pants



Customs officers in French Guiana caught a passenger attempting to smuggle more than a dozen hummingbirds that he wrapped up and taped in little hummingbird straitjackets and then stashed in custom hummingbird pouches sewn into the front lining of his pants.

7. Tropical Fish Under A Skirt



A female traveler arriving in Melbourne from Singapore was caught carrying 51 live tropical fish in water-filled plastic bags hidden in a custom apron under her skirt. Customs officers realized something about her was fishy when they heard “flipping” noises coming from around her waist.

8. 67 Live Giant African Snails



67 giant African snails were intercepted in a shipment from Nigeria to California. The snails, which are a popular delicacy in some regions, are prohibited in the U.S. due to their invasiveness: they can grow up to eight inches long and weigh more than a pound, and they can lay up to 12,000 eggs in a lifetime. They could actually eat your house--they’ve been known to eat stucco--and they also eat a number of agricultural crops. To top things off, they carry a parasitic worm that can cause meningitis in people and pets. Just to be safe, the U.S. Department of Agriculture incinerated the “snail mail.”

9. Snakes In Socks



Customs agents in Norway stopped a 22-year-old Norwegian man disembarking a ferry from Denmark when they discovered a tarantula in one of his bags. They soon noticed that his body was jiggling in a constant, unnatural motion, and upon closer inspection, discovered that he had 14 royal pythons individually packaged in socks duct-taped to his chest, and 10 albino leopard geckos in cans taped to his legs.

10. Lizards In Underwear

Customs stopped a German tourist from leaving New Zealand when they noticed an abnormal expression on his face. A search revealed a package containing 44 rare geckos and skinks in his underwear. The geckos, valued at up to $2,800 apiece on the European market, were seized, and the smuggler was jailed and fined.

11. A Chameleon Worn As A Hat

A 17-year-old girl nearly succeeded in smuggling a pet chameleon from Dubai to Manchester by carrying it on her head. Maybe due to the animal’s ability to conceal itself, nobody noticed the chameleon perched on her headscarf until she was waiting at baggage claim. Customs officers took notice when her fellow passengers started to take photos of her exotic headwear and seized the animal.

12. A Crocodile That Crashed A Plane

A commercial propeller plane crashed in Africa when a crocodile that had been smuggled on board escaped from hand luggage and apparently caused widespread panic among the passengers. All but one of the passengers were killed, but the survivor reported that everyone fled to the front of the plane, causing the aircraft to become irrecoverably unbalanced during its final approach. The crocodile survived the crash, but was killed by machete-wielding authorities on the ground.

13. A Dead Man



Two German women were caught attempting to pull off a real-life Weekend At Bernie’s when they tried to pass off their elderly dead relative as “asleep” on a flight to Berlin. Airport personnel were horrified to learn that the man, who wore sunglasses and was slumped awkwardly in a wheelchair, was actually deceased. The women were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of death. Why would they try to smuggle a dead body? It’s been speculated that it was a cost-saving measure: a ticket on EasyJet is probably much cheaper than embalming a body, paying for a coffin, and shipping it across the border: not to mention the hassle of getting the proper permits to travel with a dead body. . .

14. A Baby

Security officials at Sharjah Airport in the United Arab Emirates were shocked to see a five-month-old infant come through the X-ray machine in the luggage of an Egyptian couple. The couple, who were allegedly living illegally in the U.A.E., did not have appropriate visas or documentation for their child, and were attempting to sneak him into the country.

15. A Nun’s Skeleton

A monk from Cyprus was detained in Athens when airport officials discovered a complete human skeleton in his luggage. He attested that the bones were the skeletal remains of a saint that he was transporting back to his monastery. Although the bones were in fact the remains of a nun, she had not been declared a saint by the Orthodox Churches of Greece or Cyprus. The monk was eventually freed, but he was suspended from his monastery for traveling without leave.

16. A Cheese Wheel Spare Tire



Border Patrol officers in El Paso seized 116 pounds of illegal cheese when they stopped a car coming into the United States from Mexico with 10 cheese wheels hidden in the spare tire well. In a tragic end to this story, the cheese was destroyed.

17. Nacho Cheese… Mixed With Methamphetamine



Another cheese seizure at the U.S.-Mexico border revealed seven pounds of meth that added some extra zest to nacho cheese sauce. This isn’t the only time methamphetamine has been smuggled across the border in cans of spicy cheese: customs agents in San Diego claim they see it regularly.

18. Onions… Filled With Cocaine

Smugglers have come up with innumerable creative ways to traffic drugs, but this one perhaps takes the cake. Nigerian Prince Adegbenie Olateru-Olagbegi, perhaps thinking the smell of the onions would conceal his stash, carried 17 hollowed-out onions filled with cocaine on his trip to London. Although the prince denied knowledge of the drug cache, he was convicted of smuggling after an eight-day trial.

19. Onions Filled With Heroin

Maybe the onion idea wasn’t so creative, after all. Smugglers in Pakistan were caught attempting to export onions filled with heroin. The accused admitted that the onion smell made it more difficult for dogs to detect the drugs, so maybe there is some strategy behind onion drug smuggling.

20. Onions Mixed With Marijuana

A grocery business in Manchester turned out to be a front for drug smuggling when 20 pallets of imported onions were found to contain over 800 pounds of marijuana. National Crime Agency officers intercepted a shipment and the smugglers were locked up in jail after admitting conspiracy to import cannabis.

21. A Catapult Drug-Launcher



We’ve seen drug smugglers use sophisticated planes, boats, and submarines to get their contraband across borders, but a catapult might be simultaneously the simplest and most ingenious contraption ever rigged to move drugs. This medieval machine, built to fling marijuana over the border fence between Mexico and Arizona, surprised Border Patrol agents: said spokesman David Jimarez, “I have not seen anything like that in my time before as a Border Patrol agent … although we are trained to handle any kind of a threat that comes over that border.”

22. A Broken Leg… With A Cast Made Of Cocaine



It’s unclear whether a Chilean man’s broken leg was an intentional fracture or a lucky break, but he definitely tried to use it to his advantage when he fashioned a cast for it out of cocaine. He was arrested in Barcelona when police sprayed the cast with a chemical that turns blue when it comes in contact with cocaine, and taken to a hospital after the cast was removed.

So long as borders exist, there will be smugglers attempting to move illegal goods across them. The promise of riches from selling contraband on the black market will continue to prove irresistible to criminals, and smugglers will continue to come up with crazy contraband to traffic and creative ways to traffic it. Have you ever heard of a crazy smuggling attempt? Let us know in the comments!

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