I know this is going to sound very weird but im a grown man, married with kids and my kids wanted cats. I loved the idea but now that I have them I cant stop myself from abusing them. I find them adorable and I feed them well and pet them when they are friendly and playful but if they ever step out of line, like try to run away when I call them, or scratch or bite me then I go mad, I bite their ears and legs until they scream, I choke them until they cant breath and afterward I feel so terrible for it, I nurse them back to feeling well again. I know this sounds really sick, but Im generally not a bad person, I love my family, I love animals, its just these animals i seem to have power over. I dont know how to stop myself from getting so angry and I seem to feel pleasure by seeing them suffering and then still coming to me for care afterwards. I know I need help, but i am hoping you can assist me here, Im embarrassed to see a shrink about something that should be so simple to stop. I sometimes imagine poking a skewer through them or hanging them by their paws overnight, and I dont want to lose control in that way and regret it for the rest of my life. I want to give them away but I keep thinking what if they get knocked on the streets roaming around with no food or get put down. I feel sad to think of letting them go, i feel like i love them or else i wouldnt take care of them, i just want to stop hurting them. My children will also be devastated if either happens, if i kill them or if i give them away. I ahd an abusive childhood, im an introvert, im sensitive generally. Hope this can help in your advice. Please help, I will try any exercises etc...

Our expert says: CyberShrink

Oh dear. Thank you for being so frank, with me and with yourself. I don't often say this, but you are revealing yourself to be a seriously disturbed individual, and I;m sure you are aware of that. Indeed, the one good thing in your frightening message, is that you do recognize that your actions, feelings and fantasies are wrong and bad, and potentially dangerous, and that you do, seriously and urgently, need to get proper expert help. Probably in the first place from a specialist Psychologist for assessment, as there is clearly a need for skilled psychotherapy

This is not such a simple thing to stop, or you would have stopped it long ago. Don't feel embarrassed : the shrink willbe relieved that you have had the good sense to seek help and will be pleased to help you.

The cats are in danger from you and you are already damaging them : do contact the SPCA or rather, if there is one near where you live, another animal sanctuary program, and have them take the poor animals away from you are care for them properly. There are good places with good people who will care for them and find them a safe and loving new home. Your children will be disappointed, but they will be devastated if something awful happens to the cats while they're with you.

You had an abusive childgood and that is unfortunate, and you may well both need and deserve counselling to help you recover from that. Most other survivors of abuse are all the more determined to let nobody else, man or beast , suffer as they did. But some survivors also themselves grow up to become abusers in turn, of other people, animals or children. So if things get worse between you and the cats, there is also some risk to your children IF you leave this unattended, and therapy is all the more vital. I am sure you have the potential to get through this and fix that unpleasant aspect of yourself, so you can get on with being a loving person, and a loving parent, and no longer and abuser.

Do see someone urgently for assessment and advice on starting therapy, preferably of the modern CBT style, and not of the obsolete analytical form, and take urgent steps to guarantee the safety of the cats as well : you not only owe that to the cats and to your children, but to yourself, to remove the temptation to be cruel, until that propensity is no longer a part of you.

