A COUPLE have decided to just leave their kitchen as it is.

Martin and Julie Bishop, from Peterborough, considered spending thousands of borrowed pounds on a new kitchen before deciding that it was a lot of bollocks.

Martin Bishop said: “Who fucking cares what our kitchen looks like? It’s got a cooker, a fridge, a washing machine and a worktop for the preparation of sandwiches.”

Julie Bishop added: “I don’t need a built-in wine rack. It’s all just bullshit.

“I had thought about creating a Nigella-inspired wonderland. But then I remembered that I’m a human being with better things to do than care about this sort of utter fucking nonsense.”

The couple revealed that following their decision they have been shunned by friends who have accused them of being communists.

Julie Bishop said: “We’re not going to redo the bathroom either. So fuck you.”