and so, finally, you and the SQUAD finally make your way out of sheepshire and decide to take the train back to the office (which, for all intents and purposes, has now <i>become</i> your home). you may not have spread the word of feminism to the masses, but you had fun, and frolics, and in the end that's what this election is all about: just having fun.



"er, ed - no it's not," harriet says, "i'm fairly sure it's about winning."



"that's true," says douglas alexander.



"quite," says chuka umunna.



"confirmed," says rachel reeves.



"you bet!" says gloria de piero.



"deffo!" says stella creasy.



"what they said!" says angela eagle, maria eagle, caroline flint, and mary creagh.



"whatever guys, shut up and let me eat my dinner," you say.



your beloved unhealthy snack food has been in your INVENTORY all day. time to chow down.



▶ [[...]]

the note reads:



"<i>pitiful mortal,



i have claimed your shiny trinket for myself. if you ever wish to see it again, ensure ed miliband seeks me out: at the top of the conservative party HQ!



tell no-one else about this - not the media, not the police, not your grandma. if you do...i'll know. because i can be anywhere. at any time. in any disguise. my collection of fake moustaches is extensive. you'll never even see me coming.



yours faithfully,



mysterious unbenefactor</i>"



"what...what is this?" you say, looking at tim for some kind of answer. he just shrugs. it's not his problem.



in hushed tones, you converse with ed 2, yvette and andy.



"we need to sort this out," you plead, brandishing the note in their faces and carefully avoiding a curious NICK ROBINSON, who has been following you for a while now and looks shifty.



"but think of the risk! we can't just waltz into the tory HQ unnoticed!" yvette whispers.



"true dat," says ed balls.



"we'll think of something," andy says, "besides...if we get this boy's trinket back, and from a rogue tory no less? think of the coverage!"



"at least <i>two</i> whole articles in the mirror," you say. you all bask briefly in the sheer glory of such an outcome.



"alright, it's decided," you decide, "we're going in."



▶ [[BECAUSE THIS DOESN'T SEEM SUSPICIOUS AT ALL]]

you approach the computer. it appears to be in SLEEP MODE, so you shake the mouse around like an angry alley cat.



a message comes up on the screen.



<i>there was a jobcentre plus here. it's gone now</i>.



before you can properly react by nobly wetting yourself, you hear a voice from up above.



"<i>what are you doing in my office?</i>"



you look up.



▶ [[IAIN DUNCAN SMITH IS HANGING FROM THE CEILING]]

<<set $harriet = "yes">>"harriet! how's th-"



your deputy taps impatiently at a sign next to the dashboard.



"<i>PLEASE DO NOT DISTRACT THE DRIVER</i>," it reads.



"oh," you mumble.



"i'll let you take a look at our driving mix, though," she says, keeping an eye on the road to avoid any PR disasters re: sexist assumptions about women drivers, or squishing pigeons, whichever.



you end up listening to 'take on me' by a-ha for a significant portion of the journey until harriet finally takes out your battered old tape and snaps it in half.



▶ [[GO BACK|BROKEN DOWN]]

some of your fellow passengers are asleep, some (stella, i'm looking at you) are tweeting away furiously, but others are just <i>begging</i> to be harassed.



▶ [[BOTHER RACHEL REEVES]]

▶ [[BOTHER GLORIA DE PIERO]]

▶ [[BOTHER CHUKA UMUNNA]]

▶ [[BOTHER DOUGLAS ALEXANDER]]

▶ [[BOTHER HARRIET HARMAN]]

▶ [[BOTHER STELLA CREASY]]

▶ [[BOTHER NONE OF THESE LOSERS|BUSNEXUS]]

pfft, there's <i>always</i> time for a victory dance. what are you, rhythmically-challenged?



you die from being a sourpuss. i don't make the rules.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

<<if visited("BOTHER GLORIA DE PIERO", "BOTHER GLORIA DE PIERO 2")>>"gloria!" you cry, "use the lollies!"



"gotcha, ed!" gloria squeaks, picking up a pile of melted sludgy goo from inside her pocket and throwing it at nigel's ugly mug. he falls to the ground, screaming and grasping at his face as a peculiar hissing sound steams forth.



"just...what was <i>in</i> those things, anyway?" you ask.



"doesn't matter! ed, we did it!" gloria cheers. you both do a little dance in celebration.



that is, until nigel staggers upwards again, and collapses by your feet. his face has melted away, and with a shudder of horror you realise...



it was just another mask - all this time!



▶ [["I'M SORRY IT HAD TO COME TO THIS, ED..."]]<<else>>you have absolutely no idea why you decided to pick this specimen to be your wingman/wingwoman/wingperson/whatever - you either never talked to them, or not quite enough for it to be relevant, which means that you must not be very good at video games. you have no EPIC BOND with this chump and therefore defeat, and a funky humiliation conga, is assured.



i'm not even going to give you the satisfaction of explaining how you died. only that it was horrible. nyehhhh.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b><<endif>>

<<set $andypoints = $andypoints - 20>>andy frowns, his eyes crinkling up. this causes them to shrink 1% smaller.



"no way. i was given this. it's as precious to me as my everton t-shirt."



"gimme!" you cry, grabbing the key. "<i>yoink</i>! ooh, sick burn, dude! haha, how's that for hip slang?"



"this is going to be a long day," yvette says.



▶ [[ENTER THE HOSPITAL]]

you valiantly try to bluff your way in by using the most common password in the world. the fact that it actually <i>is</i> the most common password in the world often makes you wonder why exactly you decided to become an elected representative of such a wretched species as human beings.



the password is incorrect.



the hatch slams in your face. then, to make matters worse, the WI unleashes its security system.



killer bees.



what can i say, they've modernised recently. try again, and this time make sure that there wasn't anything DELICIOUS you forgot to pick up along the way.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

you don't even care. you're buying a tunic.



you predictably use all your pocket money and look down proudly at your purchases. ooh, suit you, sir! you've bought two get-ups:



a) an extremely coolio SWORD, SHIELD and MIRROR

b) an equally kewlio STAFF, WHITE MAGE CAPE and SUMMONING GRID



now, to equip.



▶ [[SHOVE ANDY IN THE CAPE AND TAKE THE SWORD FOR YOURSELF]]

▶ [[CHUCK THE SWORD 'N' SHIT AT HIM AND KEEP THE COOL STAFF]]

<<set $bother2 = "yes">><<set $harriet2 = "yes">>"hi harriet, what are you d-"



"don't talk to me right now, ed, i'm trying to educate this gentleman in gender theory," harriet replies pre-emptively, gritting her teeth so hard they've begun to crack. a man stands before her, smeckledorfing his socks off.



"when women claim 'consent is sexy', what they actually mean is <i>their own</i> consent, and remain free to use men as tools for their own instant gratification, along as providers for the family," the man shitspews, "when you're finally able to view this true reality for what it is, you'll know how lopsided modern life is for men these days, that they're unfairly pressured to live up to women's constant badgering, and are actually the <i>real</i> victims in situations like th-"



you punch the man in the face. he falls to the ground, totes #pwned. on closer inspection you see the man is actually noted misogynist historian DAVID STARKEY and care even less for his welfare than you did before.



harriet pats you on the head. she knows you didn't wear that feminist t-shirt for nothing.



▶ [[GO BACK|SHEEPSHIRE]]

you become so distracted with trying to act out your 100-chapter erotic political fanfic that you neglect to prevent yourself from aggressively dying. nick waltzes off to form another coalition with dave, and clameron shippers the world over rejoice.



the <i>rest</i> of the world does not.



GAME OVER - RETURN OF CAMERON.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

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

they're a bit sticky.



▶ [[GO BACK|MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE NEXT FLOOR]]

<<if visited("BOTHER CHUKA UMUNNA", "BOTHER CHUKA UMUNNA 2")>>"chuka! let's do it!"



"do <i>what</i>?" chuka asks, cautious that this may be some kind of weird fanfic thing.



"COMBINE OUR COOL!" you shout, striking a pose.



now that you are an official internet meme, you and chuka - thanks to your tearjerking moments of bonding and/or charging of your cool meter on this trip - are unstoppable. you both slap on some sweet shades and laser beam farage into a smoking husk.



b/c #yolo, lol.



nigel collapses by your feet. his face has melted away, and with a shudder of horror you realise...



it was just another mask - all this time!



▶ [["I'M SORRY IT HAD TO COME TO THIS, ED..."]]<<else>>you have absolutely no idea why you decided to pick this specimen to be your wingman/wingwoman/wingperson/whatever - you either never talked to them, or not quite enough for it to be relevant, which means that you must not be very good at video games. you have no EPIC BOND with this chump and therefore defeat, and a funky humiliation conga, is assured.



i'm not even going to give you the satisfaction of explaining how you died. only that it was horrible. nyehhhh.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b><<endif>>

you're not going to get any more HELL YES POINTS just from clicking on this link again, you know. just for that, you get mauled by a bear for your cheek. yah boo, sucks to be you.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

[img[andy]]



age: 45

member of parliament for: leigh

leadership material?: hai he is kawaii desu



▶ [[GO BACK|"NICE TO MEET YOU, EVERYONE! OH, AND HI, ED!"]]

the tap pours red liquid.



at this point, you're not that surprised.



▶ [[GO BACK|PROCEED, DUDE, THE TENSION IS KILLIN' ME]]

harriet screams as you reach forward, full of purpose, to press the shiny button.



"no! not the don't touch button! you'll unleash the -"



sadly the effects of the don't touch button are far too cool, awesome and egregiously fatal to reveal in these pages. needless to say, however, they were truly spectacular. you oughta been there. well, actually, you were, which is also why you are now dead. oops.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

you go full throttle and dig deep into the very bottom of the rubbish heap. this bothers you very little as you lost the remainders of your dignity a long time ago.



finally, you feel something promising at the end of the squelch sanctum. if you could just...grab it...



just a bit more...



<i>almost</i> got it...



YOWCH!



you pull out with a scream (get your mind out of the gutter). a large RAT has attached itself to your finger, sucking out the blood. you start to feel woozy, but figure that a small rodent is no match for you -



that is, until you look closer. the rat is actually gonzo journalist DAN HODGES.



"dan hodges? why are you living in a bin?"



dan hodges ignores you. that question was clearly rhetorical.



"this would never have happened to the other miliband!" he squeaks, lodging his long, sharp teeth into your fleshy neck.



well, that's one way to prove himself right: guess you were doomed from the start after all!



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

<<set $overlylongruler = "yes">>you find one of those OVERLY LONG RULERS that are completely useless and generally only displayed on classroom walls above the whiteboard. it is rare that they see any use, and are often abandoned and ill-treated...but not today!



you hold your newfound head-basher-inner aloft, actively pitying the foo' who dares come at you when you've got this lil' baby waiting in the wings.



▶ [[MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE NEXT FLOOR]]

as you stand outside the prime minister's office, you and andy have a chance to say some last words. <<if $andymage eq "yes">>andy is currently poking at his SUMMONING GRID, while you are picking your nose with your SWORD.<<endif>><<if $andysword eq "yes">>andy is currently hugging his SHIELD, while you are picking your nose with your STAFF.<<endif>>



how will you interrupt this touching moment?



▶ [["ANDY, IF WE DON'T MAKE IT, I JUST WANT TO SAY..."]]

▶ [["GOT A PLAN, AN'?"]]

▶ [["NICE KNOWIN' YA, BUDDY."]]

ah yes: you remember now. you're guest of honour at the women's campaign tour "meet 'n' greetathon' launch! you'll be driven around various constituences with the female members of your shadow cabinet, tackling the more feminine concerns of the lil' ladies of the uk. they're all in thrall to your sexy, hairy, masculine appeal, after all.



you tenderly flex your biceps and they do the cartoon sight gag where they flop downwards accompanied by a comedic sad whistling noise. you curse and ruminate darkly on how badly VISUAL JOKES work in TEXT-BASED ADVENTURE GAMES.



▶ [[ANYWAY, THE CAMPAIGN LAUNCH|LAUNCH]]

the room is seemingly empty. the walls are crumbling, their paper peeling. desks lie dusty and dilapidated.



a [[COMPUTER|COMPUTER 2]] sits in one corner, rumbling quietly. it seems less dusty than the rest of the items scattered around it.



in another, darker corner, you can hear the drip of a [[TAP]].<<if $crowbar eq "no">>



▶ [[GROPE AROUND LESS BLINDLY]]<<endif>><<if $crowbar eq "yes">>



▶ [[GROPE AROUND AGAIN|CROWBAR DEATH]]<<endif>>

<<set $alcohol = "yes">><<set $beer = "yes">>you grab a large bottle of ENGLISH <strike>PISS</strike> BEER for your troubles. not wanting to waste an inventory slot and finding it too heavy for your bony nerd arms, you get chuka to carry it. as he is so smooth, strong and sexy, it's no sweat for him.



you begin to feel a mite jealous. chuka had better remember who's the <i>real</i> sex bomb around here.



▶ [[GO BACK|BUSNEXUS]]

<<set $bang = "yes">>"what's the meaning of this? you think i'm not up for a fight? i'll kick anyone's ass. i'll kick your ass. i'll kick your dog's ass. i'll kick my own ass," you shout, looking around manically at the dank dungeon beyond the cell bars.



"nae talking!" a guard barks, whacking your cell with a frozen lump of haggis.



you're going to have to think of something other than yelling 'hell yes' all the time.



▶ [[GO BACK|YOU'RE GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS]]

ed miliband adventure game 2 - election boogaloo

<<if $hellyes2 eq "no">>there is a [[POSTER]] on the [[WALL]].

there is an [[INTERCOM]].

there is a [[WATER COOLER]].

there is a [[COMPUTER]].

there is a [[WINDOW]].

<<if $todo eq "no">>there is a [[TO-DO LIST]] on your [[DESK]].<<endif>><<if $todo eq "yes">>there is a thoroughly unremarkable [[DESK]].<<endif>>



▶ [[GO BACK|MILINEXUS]]<<endif>><<if $hellyes2 eq "yes">>there is a [[POSTER]] on the [[WALL]].

there is an [[INTERCOM]].

there are the smoking remains of your WATER COOLER and COMPUTER.

there is a [[WINDOW]].

<<if $todo eq "no">>there is a [[TO-DO LIST]] on your [[DESK]].<<endif>><<if $todo eq "yes">>there is a thoroughly unremarkable [[DESK]].<<endif>>



▶ [[GO BACK|MILINEXUS]]<<endif>>

<<if $crowbar eq "yes">>"AHHHH!" you ahhhh, swinging your crowbar as duncan smith lowers himself on a spool of silvery thread, fangs bared. you hit him in the shiny noggin, spilling puce blood over the grey tiled floor.



"oh my god RUN!" you yell, and then do so.



you, ed balls, yvette cooper and andy burnham turn and bravely run away, away. as you reach the lift, you notice that it's been in use since you last left it. you also notice, somewhat more pertinently, that a troupe of police officers, with theresa may in tow, are coming down to meet you.



"i have you now, miliband!" mayday declares. you gently disagree and head for the stairs instead.



"what are we gonna do?" ed balls cries, huffing and puffing his way upstairs, "we've got two tories on our tail!"



"i'll - i'll fight them!" you cry, turning to face may and duncan smith, who are almost upon you now.



"don't be ridiculous, ed!" yvette says.



"don't worry, i can take 'em," you reply, swinging your crowbar, "i'm ed 'hell yes' miliband! i'm bad boy no. #1! i'm -"



andy burnham grabs your crowbar and hits the crumbling wall with it.



may and ids stop in their tracks. looking up, they notice the ceiling starting to cave in. they share a comedic joint gulp.



"but i thought zero hours builders were <i>great</i> value for money," ids protests, before being squished by tory rubble.



thanks, untreated dry rot!



▶ [[MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE NEXT FLOOR]]<<endif>><<if $crowbar eq "no">>you scream as duncan smith slides down from his shadowy nest, spitting acid.



"oh, if only i had something to defend myself with other than my fabulous fists!" you sigh. you attempt to punch iain duncan smith in the face, but nobody even cares enough to arrest you for this grievous act of assault. instead, you accidentally drop your light source. big mistake.



a lurking grue slithers into the room and devours you! or perhaps it was michael portillo, who, despite not even being a tory any more, is here because of his really-quite-good programme on railway journeys and is up for any sort of fanciful scuffle because, after all, who dares wins.



ask your parents about this joke, kids.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b><<endif>>

<<if $sandwich eq "yes">>you've just noticed that your CHEESE SANDWICH has tiny bacon bits in it.



you die, one page from the end.



calm breaths now! visualise an ocean!



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b><<endif>><<if $crisps eq "yes">>you open up your packet of crisps and enjoy a day well campaigned. prawn cocktail flavour, of course. one nation colour packaging? odd, sickly taste? the fact that only weirdos like them?



i would expect no less from a future prime minister.



<center><font size=20><b>THE END</font></b></font>

<i>thank you for playing!



you achieved ending number #1: THE KENDALL CONSPIRACY. there are five endings to collect. gotta catch 'em all!</i>



[[play again?|Start]]</center><<endif>>

<<set $socks = "yes">>you descend the peaks with great care, each member of the SQUAD helping to shuffle jon snow down from the summit as non-violently as possible. when you finally reach terra firma, snow bids farewell and thanks you for your help, gifting you his trademark SOCKS in the hope that they will come in handy sometime in the future. you say that it was no problem, and that they'll make a great sweatkerchief for use during those tough heat magazine interviews.



the electorally-significant town of SHEEPSHIRE now lies before you.



"err, ed? you do know we could have just gone <i>around</i> the mountain, right?" harriet asks.



"well, i mean, yeah, but it was more fun this way. and besides, i've always wanted to traverse the famous mt. south thanet."



"hasn't everyone?" says chuka.



"hooray for fun!" gloria de piero cheers.



harriet rubs her temples, and not for either the first or last time on this merry trip.



▶ [[ENTER IF YOU DARE...|SHEEPSHIRE]]

"will you just move out of the way already?" you say, not even bovvered with kicking osborne's pallid behind.



"never! i shall fight to the death to defend the great dave! then possibly take over his job!" osborne cackles, swinging his scissors.



"yeah, right," andy mutters.



"coming from you, that's a laugh," osborne shrieks, "i won't lose my way! prepare to get pwned, miliband!"



he looks to be a tough, and uniquely annoying, enemy<<if visited("SHOUT OBSCENITIES INTO INTERCOM", "THROW COMPUTER AT WATER COOLER", "BEARS")>>. fortunately, your HELL YES POINTS are at maximum! with a sudden surge of strength, you charge at osborne and go SUPER MILIBAND, hair glowing gold, and screaming like jim murphy when he's just seen the scottish polls.



osborne tries to fend you off with his sweet, tax-cutting moves, but to no avail. you uppercut him with such force that he crashes through the roof, flying off into the sunset. it's almost poetic in a way, until he gets hit by a low-flying aircraft.



▶ [[PREPARE FOR THE FINAL BATTLE]]<<else>>, and that's exactly what he is. your HELL YES POINTS are not yet high enough to defeat an opponent of this caliber. perhaps if you had spent some more time exploring and making a nuisance of yourself earlier on, you wouldn't now be shining shoes for ozza the grouch.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b><<endif>>

well, tough titties.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

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

you give liz the shark tooth you received from michael gove.



"what the hell is this?" she says.



"i think it speaks for itself," you explain.



"yeah, that you're a shark who almost killed us," mutters a wag from the crowd under their breath. not naming any names, but i bet it was -



"well...thank you, ed," liz says, "i should probably forward-plan a little better next time if i'm to get ahead in life. but i still would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids!"



"that's a terrible thing to say about douglas alexander, he's at least 13 years old," says chuka.



▶ [[GO HOME]]

<<if $bang eq "no">>you awake<<endif>><<if $bang eq "yes">>you are<<endif>> in a PRISON CELL. your INVENTORY has been confiscated. the rest of your party lies scattered around the rest of the cell in varying states of lucidity.



at least you've got a nice straw <<if $bang eq "no">>bed.



douglas alexander shakes his head solemnly at you.



"that's the toilet," says he.<<endif>><<if $bang eq "yes">>toilet.<<endif>>



<<if $bang eq "no">>▶ [[BANG ON THE DOOR AND DEMAND TO BE LET OUT]]<<endif>><<if $bang eq "yes">>▶ [[BANG ON THE DOOR AND DEMAND TO BE LET OUT|BANG ON THE DOOR AND DEMAND TO BE LET OUT 2]]<<endif>>

<<if $selfie eq "yes">>once you've finished taking selfies with activists, <<endif>>you greet harriet with a friendly wave. she nods back, a checklist clasped in her hands. she then ticks off your name on the (one nation pink) notepad and shuts it with an air of fem-finality.



"right, i think that's everyone. okay, let's line up and get on the coach!" harriet bellows, like a protective mother hen, "single file, please!"



you take note of your co-passengers for the journey. most of the women of the shadow cabinet are in attendance - ("where's yvette?" you ask. "in another route," harriet replies, fourth-wall-breakingly) - along with a couple of...what's this?! m-m-men?!



"what are you doing here?" you ask chuka umunna.



"for some reason, the ladies wanted me to join them," he replies. his smile betrays that he already knows the reason.



"and i'm the campaign co-ordinator," adds douglas alexander. everyone ignores him.



before you set off, you take one last look back behind you at the singing birds and quickly approaching band of tory protesters in alex salmond masks. you still have a choice before you commit yourself to this epic journey.



use it wisely.



▶ [[LET'S GO!]]

▶ [[HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS AND GO SOMEWHERE ELSE]]

[img[liz]]



age: 43

member of parliament for: leicester west

leadership material?: greg davies says so



▶ [[GO BACK|LET'S GO!]]

"i've been posing as clegg all along!" cackles farage, as you and your captured comrades gasp in unison (britain's biggest trade union), "my plan was simple, really. to make the liberal democrats so catastrophically unpopular that europhilia would never be accepted as a legitimate political position again. meanwhile, casually take credit for blocking some the horrible bits of tory policy, while conveniently neglecting to block the <i>even more</i> horrible bits! bloody genius!"



he pulls a pint glass out from its usual storage place: his anus.



"and now, my dear red ed, it's ta-ra for you, i'm afraid."



"you won't get away with this," you spit.



"i think i will," farage says, "look around you. you're outnumbered. outcigared. your little women are defeated and all you have to show for it is...what? a powerpoint?"



"it's really very good," says douglas, showing off its slide transition effects.



"what are you going to do, miliband? beat me one-on-one, just like you wanted to do with dave? come on now. who do you really think would win that fight?"



you go very quiet, gazing at the ground. slowly, you look up into farage's rolling, unfocused eyes.



"<i>me</i>."



▶ [[DESTROY HIM]]

you stride purposefully out of your office and straight into the leaky bowels of the labour party HQ.



which way do you turn?



▶ [[LEFT|LOST2]]

▶ [[RIGHT|LOST2]]

"that's a lovely placard," you say, talking to a prole, while a news camera gets shoved up your nose, "where did you get the idea to paint it all red? are you a labour supporter?"



"not really," says the prole, "the red represents my mother when she haemorraged to death in a&e because there weren't any spare buckets to put the blood in."



a deathly silence falls over the crowd.



"ok, way to make things awkward," you say, and abruptly change the subject, "the slogan, though - jeremy punt. it's good, but...i feel like it could be improved, y'know? but how? i just can't put my finger on it..."



"ed's been left on his own again," yvette says, looking over in your direction.



"oh god no," says ed balls.



"maybe if we changed the second word...jeremy...shunt? no. jeremy...brunt? nah...oh, wait! i know! jeremy c-"



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

you take your chances on not ending up in a sex dungeon.



"i hope this is where the ordinary people work," andy says, as the lift plummets downwards, "i can connect to their struggle. i'm a working-class lad, after all."



"well, alreet, bur ah think thars getten competition fra' ed 'ere," yvette says, in a bloody awful accent.



"from me?" you ask.



"not you," yvette says, "<i>ed</i>."



"ey up," says ed balls.



you all spend the rest of the ride in shameful silence.



after what seems like an eternity, the doors swing open and you exit the lift.



▶ [[EXAMINE YOUR SURROUNDINGS]]

<<set $andypoints = $andypoints + 20>><i>i can't take advantage of andy's heavenly beauty</i>, you think. <i>i have to be the leader here. i have to take responsibility, just like with the deficit, or getting everybody's pizza orders right after a canvassing session</i>.



"i volunteer!" you declare, standing up straight, "i volunteer as tribute!"



"oh? you're offering yourself as a trade?" nicky morgan hums, "well...i guess i was getting kind of bored of trissy missy...alright, then. what could possibly go wrong?"



"ed, don't do it!" andy says.



you do it.



"oh my god," yvette says.



but as morgan bends down to unlock the door to tristram's cage, you strike. not wanting to suplex a defenceless woman with your MANLY PHYSIQUE, you instead lightly grasp her WRIST. as every film buff knows, this is the one way to disarm any female character no matter the situation!



"oh no!" morgan cries, "i am slain!"



"darn tootin'," you americanise, flinging her out the window.



▶ [[DO A VICTORY DANCE]]

▶ [[NO TIME FOR THAT, SCOUR THE AREA]]

[img[douglas]]



age: 47

member of parliament for: paisley and renfrewshire south

leadership material?: he's lucky if he's mp material



▶ [[GO BACK|BOTHER DOUGLAS ALEXANDER]]

<<if $map eq "no">>your name is [[ED MILIBAND]] and your mission is to win the 2015 general election for the labour party without being knifed in the back.



you are standing in your ugly office, within the equally ugly fortress that is the labour party HQ. it is notably messy and bedecked with piles of predistributive paper. you think that if you do not escape this place soon you may be crushed by a falling manifesto.



obvious exits are [[THE DOOR|LOST]] and [[DEFENESTRATION]].



what will you do?



▶ [[LOOK AROUND]]

▶ [[CHECK INVENTORY|INVENTORY]]<<endif>><<if $map eq "yes">>your name is [[ED MILIBAND]] and your mission is to win the 2015 general election for the labour party without being knifed in the back.



you are standing in your ugly office, within the equally ugly fortress that is the labour party HQ. it is notably messy and bedecked with piles of predistributive paper. you think that if you do not escape this place soon you may be crushed by a falling manifesto.



obvious exits are [[THE DOOR|VENDING MACHINE]] and [[DEFENESTRATION]].



what will you do?



▶ [[LOOK AROUND]]

▶ [[CHECK INVENTORY|INVENTORY]]<<endif>>

<<set $alcohol = "yes">><<set $whiskey = "yes">>you grab a large bottle of SCOTTISH WHISKEY for your troubles. not wanting to waste an inventory slot and finding it too heavy for your bony nerd arms, you get chuka to carry it. as he is so smooth, strong and sexy, it's no sweat for him.



you begin to feel a mite jealous. chuka had better remember who's the <i>real</i> sex bomb around here.



▶ [[GO BACK|BUSNEXUS]]

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

indecision is very unbecoming of a future prime minister, you know.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

you stand in the centre of SHEEPSHIRE, ready to engage in some hot politickin' action. ukip leaflets flutter in the breeze around your long clown feet.



the locals mutter to themselves about your team of labour women (and a few irrelevent men) milling around by the fishmonger's, perhaps worried that they are planning a vast feminist coup of the town council, with their first motion to declare the harbour open only to lesbian battleships.



if that won votes around these parts, you'd be in full support of it...but alas.



what will you do?



▶ [[HOLD A STREET RALLY]]

▶ [[ADMIRE THE SCENIC VIEWS]]<<if $bother2 eq "no">>

▶ [[TALK TO THE SQUAD]]<<endif>>

"stay out of here, miliband, this is <i>our</i> turf," danny alexander warns, his fleshy neckchin wobbling in indignation.



"excuse you?" harriet harman declares, marching over and picking up tiny baby david laws by the scruff of the neck, "the lib dems have about three supporters here! besides, we're here to spread the word of feminism to the unwashed masses!"



"what, with your pink bus?" danny smirks.



"the entirety of your party's female mps <i>ever elected</i> could fit inside our bus!" harriet roars, throwing laws into the sea with her mighty biceps.



"what she said," you say, terrified.



danny alexander curses, rallying his troops (read: three people and a dog).



"get ready, men! we fight for relevancy!"



a crowd of babbling pensioners has gathered to watch. you know you must display a show of dominance here, or risk losing labour support to a golden retriever.



▶ [[BRAWL WITH THE LIBERALS]]

▶ [[STAND BACK AND CHILL LIKE A COOL DUDE]]

you valiantly try to bluff your way in by using a stock password you got from watching cool old spy films at university, which you did about once when you weren't leafleting for the labour party and/or getting chased by big scary dogs.



the password is incorrect.



the hatch slams in your face. then, to make matters worse, the WI activates its security system.



killer bees.



what can i say, they've modernised recently. try again, and this time make sure that there wasn't anything DELICIOUS you forgot to pick up along the way.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

"look, guys -" you start.



"you mean gals!" mary creagh shouts from the back of the crowd.



"guys and gals," you say, "there's no way we can just camp out here in the middle of ukip territory. we could get jumped on by who knows what: the crew of question time, perhaps, or mark reckless. maybe even that one guy who said his mind was clear and his buttocks were smooth."



"horrible," angela eagle nods.



"we could take the train? and renationalise it on the way?" maria eagle adds chirpily.



"that's <i>my</i> job," mary creagh says, "and we're not renationalising it, sort of, we're -"



"settle down!" harriet booms, quieting the squabbling children, "we'll do whatever you think is right, ed. lead the way."



▶ [[TRUDGE THROUGH THE FIELDS]]

▶ [[CLIMB A MOUNTAIN]]

you'd better push the button and let me know, before i get the wrong idea and go.



and that's exactly what you do: with no time to spare, you thrust the full weight of your fist down on to the jolly, candy-like button, embedding it into its slot.



the bus starts to whir and splutter. slowly, <i>agonisingly</i> slowly, its wheels begin to rotate, and then SPURT off of the ground. a roar of white heat gushes forth as penelope pitstop's other ride starts to hover, albeit extremely crappily, into the air!



you all cheer mightily, but harriet looks worried.



"not enough power! we need something to give it some juice!"



she turns to you.



"ed? any ideas?"



you put your hands on the wheel.



"go speed racer...go," you whisper.



<<if visited("SHOUT OBSCENITIES INTO INTERCOM", "THROW COMPUTER AT WATER COOLER", "HAVE A COVERT BUT ENJOYABLE BOOGIE")>>with your HELL YES POINTS at maximum, you find the power deep within you to go SUPER MILIBAND, hair glowing gold. the bus absorbs your power within its...engine-thingy, i don't know, i'm not jeremy clarkson. it takes off into the sky, bursting out of the hangar and into the fresh scottish air. you're home free.



you feel a bit peckish.



▶ [[...|... 2]]<<else>>then the bus explodes.



should have spent some time increasing those HELL YES POINTS early on, chump!



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b><<endif>>

<<if $hellyes eq "no">>this is generally only used for emergencies, or to alert staff about a meeting in the 'war room'.



you don't know why it's called the war room, as it looks just like every other room, but it is an unspoken rule that everyone who enters it must fall silent and affect an air of palpable solemnity. if any poor soul is unlucky enough to accidentally let out a stray giggle then lucy powell hits them with a rolled-up newspaper.



▶ [[SHOUT OBSCENITIES INTO INTERCOM]]

▶ [[LEAVE IT WELL ALONE|LOOK AROUND]]<<endif>><<if $hellyes eq "yes">>this is generally only used for emergencies, or to alert staff about a meeting in the 'war room'.



you don't know why it's called the war room, as it looks just like every other room, but it is an unspoken rule that everyone who enters it must fall silent and affect an air of palpable solemnity. if any poor soul is unlucky enough to accidentally let out a stray giggle then lucy powell hits them with a rolled-up newspaper.



▶ [[SHOUT OBSCENITIES INTO INTERCOM|INTERCOM DEATH]]

▶ [[LEAVE IT WELL ALONE|LOOK AROUND]]<<endif>>

it's all bedecked in streamers and banners and balloons 'n' shit. what's more, all the homelesseseses and drug addicts have been neatly swept away with a broom by a team of high-strung SPADs.



you think that's a bit harsh, honestly. you'd like to chat to them about the merits of social democracy, but ed balls said that for the rest of the campaign you have to preface all your mouthwords with a spiel about fiscal responsibility. you'll have lost your audience before you even find them.



▶ [[GO BACK|LAUNCH]]

'big pink' brand gum, the only gum made with the breath-freshening power of ham. and it pinkens your teeth while you chew!



wait a minute...ham? that sounds dangerously close to...to...



<i>BACON</i>! oh no!! <b>ED IS DEAD</b>.



bet you thought you couldn't get a dead end from an optional link, huh, chump?



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

<<set $mountain = "yes">>you lead your intrepid team up a bafflingly-placed MOUNTAIN. as the snow blows blisteringly across your wobbly chops, chuka shouts out to you from somewhere in the huddled mass of your hardy fellowship.



"are you sure we're going the right way, ed?"



"of course! douglas, you've got google maps, right?"



"what? sorry, i was finishing my powerpoint," douglas alexander replies, showing you his cool slide transition effects.



"at least procrastinate by playing angry birds like a normal person!" harriet bellows, barely audible over the shrieking wind.



suddenly, a figure emerges from the flurry of white. you squint your eyes to make out their hunched silhouette, approaching you at speed...



"snow!" you cry.



"i can see that," chuka quips.



"no, not the weather - i mean JON SNOW!"



sure enough, the newsreader finally struggles into view. he then falls at your feet, unconscious.



you've got to admit, you have never been briefed about this particular situation.



▶ [[NURSE HIM BACK TO HEALTH]]

▶ [[SLAP HIM AWAKE]]

▶ [[LEAVE HIM]]

okay, that chair <i>definitely</i> looks familiar. yet, somehow, you just can't seem to make your way back to your office - it feels as if every corner leads to a dead end. your pacing becomes more frenetic and you begin to scare the interns.



many years later, your remains are finally discovered by a team of spelunking tomb raiders. the labyrinthine layout of labour HQ was simply too much for you. even at the bitter end you were still relentlessly heading in that one, single direction, not realising that salvation was a literal corridor away. you just needed to take a turn by the pot plant.



maybe find a MAP before going wandering off next time, 'aight? you of all people should know that an unsupervised politician can only spell one thing: a big fat...



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

you continue on your way, assured that you're heading in the right direction. why, you'll drag your entire party along with you if you have to!



...that chair looks familiar.



which way now?



▶ [[LEFT, LEFT, LEFT!|LOST3]]

▶ [[RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT!|LOST3]]

seeing douglas dragged off to his death like that, you are filled with the kind of pants-filling fear that no man should have to encounter in his life. there's only one thing that anyone can reasonably do in this kind of situation.



you plaster an obsequious smile on your face and meekly get down on your hands and knees.



well, at least sturgeon's happy.



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b>

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

<<set $todo = "yes">>the obvious choice! you examine the list with beady brown eyes, like a hamster fruitlessly running in its wheel.



the list itself appears simple enough:



<center>"1) JOIN WOMEN'S CAMPAIGN TOUR.



2) VISIT CONCERNED NHS ACTIVISTS WITH OTHER MEMBERS OF SHADOW CABINET TEAM.



3) CONVERSE NORMALLY AND LIKE A REGULAR HUMAN BEING WITH HUNDREDS UPON HUNDREDS OF SLACK-JAWED MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC."</center>



when finished reading, you crumple the list up in your fist for emphasis and stare meaningfully into the middle distance.



let's get busy. or 'biz-zay', as you imagine normal people say nowadays.



▶ [[GO BACK|LOOK AROUND]]

[img[rachel]]



age: 36

member of parliament for: leeds west

leadership material?: uhh...



▶ [[GO BACK|BOTHER RACHEL REEVES]]

you've memorised the back of the card by heart, as one does, but you have a go reciting it again...you know. just for fun.



"the labour party is a democratic socialist party. it believes that by the strength of our common endeavour we achieve more than we achieve alone -"



"WILL YOU KNOCK THAT BULLSHIT OFF?!" comes a gruff bark from a neighbouring office. you smile.



the momentum is with you.



▶ [[GO BACK|INVENTORY]]

<<set $crisps = "yes">>you buy a packet of PRAWN COCKTAIL CRISPS.



bloody hell, you <i>are</i> weird.



▶ [[LEAVE HQ]]

ignoring the fact that gary barlow is playing, your VICTORY DANCE is a great success! tristram applauds from inside his cage as you get down tonight, or possibly even 'tonite'.



are you ever planning to actually <i>release</i> trissy? the answer is no.



▶ [[OKAY, NOW SCOUR THE AREA]]

<<if $key eq "yes">>great scot! (it's, like, a pun.) you had forgotten all about that KEY you pulled from the rubbish heap! now that you think about it, wasn't it buried among a pile of <i>yellow</i> leaflets? they weren't just old...they were...



"SNP leaflets!" you cry, "they were following us all this time!"



"they must have accidentally dropped that key," harriet considers, "what a startling coincidence!"



you have no time to dwell on it, though. you unlock the dungeon door, and leave alex salmond to his snoring.



▶ [[ATTEMPT A DARING ESCAPE, FOR REAL THIS TIME]]<<endif>><<if $key eq "no">>nothing in your pockets but lint and lint.



since you never picked up a suspiciously plot-relevant KEY, you have no other option than to wait for salmond to sober up and caber toss you into oblivion. oopsie!



<font size=20><b>DEAD END!</font></b><<endif>>

you penetrate further into SHEEPSHIRE's musky crevices. after two hours of wandering, you stumble upon what looks to be a MEETING HALL housing the local WOMEN'S INSTITUTE. in response, harriet harman sinks to her knees and praises the ancient sumerian goddess nammu herself. you're finally getting somewhere!



...that is, until you knock on the door. a small rectangular peephole slides open and a notably disapproving eye stares back at you.



"password?" the eye asks. well, probably not the eye itself, more like the mouth it's attached to, although mouths aren't attached directly to the eyes, of course - you know what, whatever. guess the password, milibrainbox.



▶ [[SWORDFISH!]]

▶ [[PASSWORD!]]<<if $alcohol eq "yes">>

▶ [[MIGHT I INTEREST YOU IN SOME REFRESHMENTS, FAIR MADAME?]]<<endif>>

you decide to set up your STREET RALLY, the SQUAD helping to arrange placards and banners while narrowly avoiding getting egged. you climb upon your hastily-erected soapbox next to a gold 4 cash 4 gold shop and begin to speak.



"people of sheepshire! to quote the iconic words of four non-blondes - or indeed he-man, master of the universe - what's going on?"



"isn't that by marvin gaye?" a passerby heckles.



"play careless whisper!" somebody else yells.



"don't make me come down there," you threaten, playing on your new tough guy image.



suddenly, you're dodging eggs aplenty. you <i>knew</i> coming here was a bad idea<<if $socks eq "no">>.<<endif>><<if $socks eq "yes">>: look what happened to jon snow.<<endif>> as harriet tries to gather the rest of the team up into her marsupial pouch, you turn to face the origin of the omelettes.



you gasp.



▶ [[A RAGTAG CREW OF LIBERAL DEMOCRATS STANDS BEFORE YOU]]

<<set $andypoints = $andypoints - 20>>you think ed balls has the right idea, which isn't a phrase often used.



"eat kawaii, nicky dork-an!" you bellow, picking up andy in your mighty arms and throwing him highland games-style at your opponent. andy screams melodically as he collides with the education secretary, knocking her the HECK out.



"that was a great one-liner, ed," ed balls cheers. yvette remains silent, plotting death.



andy struggles to his feet.



"yeah...great..." he says.



▶ [[DO A VICTORY DANCE]]

▶ [[NO TIME FOR THAT, SCOUR THE AREA]]

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