Opinion

Eliana Lopez decries SF 'ugly politics' ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Suspended Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi and his wife Eliana Lopez attend an Ethics Commission meeting on Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2012, in San Francisco. Suspended Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi and his wife Eliana Lopez attend an Ethics Commission meeting on Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2012, in San Francisco. Photo: Noah Berger, Special To The Chronicle Photo: Noah Berger, Special To The Chronicle Image 1 of / 1 Caption Close Eliana Lopez decries SF 'ugly politics' 1 / 1 Back to Gallery

On Aug. 28, the Commission on the Status of Women, a body whose members are appointed by Mayor Ed Lee, decided it was its turn to call for the ouster of my husband, Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi, on grounds of domestic violence. In weighing the case against Ross, one would think that the commission would have done its best to carefully weigh all of the facts. Yet, I wasn't even invited to the meeting.

I shouldn't be surprised by now. Since the beginning of the case against Ross, his political opponents and the domestic violence prevention political establishment have willfully ignored any details that don't fit their narrative.

I do not condone my husband's behavior on Dec. 31, but I have forgiven him. And I have forgiven him not out of blind devotion, fear or intimidation but by a careful examination of the facts.

When Ross put his hand around my arm during an argument, he had no intention of causing a bruise. His grip on my arm lasted less than a second, and he instantly released it when I told him to.

Ross repeatedly apologized, took responsibility for his actions and has been a willing participant in counseling. Neither before nor after the incident has Ross come close to demonstrating violent behavior. Yet, the domestic violence prevention establishment, a potent political force in this city, is having none of it.

Without knowing me, much less consulting me, they have determined that I am incapable of knowing my own husband and that my defense of him is the result of delusional thinking. That is the height of condescending paternalism - and a tremendous disservice to the very important issue of domestic violence.

This feeling seems to be shared by many domestic violence victims who have approached me with gestures of support and outrage at how my family and I have been treated.

While my husband's opponents are happy to use me to discredit him, I am not to be trusted when I defend Ross. That's because to believe me would undermine their view that all acts of domestic violence are created equal.

Ross' detractors once claimed that he should be removed from office for allegedly dissuading witnesses. When the Ethics Commission unanimously cleared him of those charges, opponents were left only with the remaining argument that Ross himself offered back in March: a plea to a low-level nonviolent misdemeanor. A plea that I never wanted him to take.

They are quick to point out that the misdemeanor was for what sounds like the troubling crime of "false imprisonment." They fail to mention that it amounted to nothing more than Ross turning around our minivan on our way for pizza and heading home because we were having an argument that was inappropriate for a public setting.

But, again, these inconvenient facts are ignored in the heat of accusations that Ross is a "wife beater," as Mayor Ed Lee charged in one of his least dignified - and least accurate - statements.

How dare Mayor Lee try to capitalize on my family's misfortune, berate my husband, but not have the decency to ever call me to ask my opinion about his prosecution of my husband? But as an increasing number of San Franciscans have concluded, this case is not about domestic violence; it's about politics.

As an outspoken progressive and a public servant, Ross has his share of detractors because he's not all things to all people. That's never been his style. But he is principled. When this process wrongfully forced us apart by a court order that neither one of us wanted, they used our seven-month separation to try to break Ross' spirit.

To compound their effort, they used our family as a weapon by suspending him without pay and without due process so that he couldn't provide for me and our son.

In my home country of Venezuela, news reports of what is happening here to me, Ross and our 3-year-old son, sum it up as a coup d'etat. When we're out and about in all parts of San Francisco, many people refer to this ordeal as "ugly politics."

With politics this dirty, no one believed Ross would remain in the fight. But they do not know Ross as I do. Even when we were forcibly separated, we remained strong.

Now, together again, we are stronger than ever, and we will not stand by as this city's political machine tries to ruin us - and make a mockery of domestic violence.