My friend, this is a common question and an important one at that. This situation is encountered all too often in today's modern age of tube sites bit torrent pornography.

I believe the solution to this problem is not in treating the results but more importantly in understanding the causes. When on is using a notebook computer to view pornography or read ebook versions Oprah Book Club books while masturbating they should use proper precautions to avoid getting semen on their screen in the first place. There should be ample space provided by the masturbater between the laptop and the penis. The general rule is 18 inches though some say 24 inches to be safe. There should also be a barrier between the penis and the screen of the laptop. I would suggest purchasing a screen protector from your local office supply store.

If you do, however, find yourself in this sticky situation the most important thing is to remain calm. Any rash decision you make in the heat of the moment may be irreversible and very dangerous.

The proper response would be to place your laptop in the microwave in order to dry the semen. Heat the laptop on high for about 5 mins (5min30sec in altitudes above 3,500 ft). Allow the laptop to sit for 2 minutes before handling so that it will not be hot to the touch. You should then get a spackling knife or 1" flat head chisel and gently with a hammer scrape off the dried semen.

Once all the dried semen has been scraped off the screen boil 4 cups of water. Ensure the water has been boiling for a minute or so then pour the entire 4 cups of boiling water of the screen to sanitize the area.

To prevent any discoloration use a teaspoon of powdered bleach (a common brand is Comet) and gently scrub the area with a brillo pad or wirebrush.

Lastly, rinse with cool water until area is free of any residual bleach.

You're laptop screen will not be completely clean of visual stains and completely sanitary.

You should now power up your system and run a disk check. RUN DSKCHK.

This will let you know if your semen has done any permanent damage to the screen. I find in almost all cases it has. Even if you carefully follow my instructions you will most likely be unable to salvage the screen. Semen tends to be a dangerous contender for the notebook LCD.