PRAISE!

What? That’s not the revival we’re talking about here? Then what the fuck am I doing with this giant event tent and my roving naivety? This always happens to me!

[skip the parts where I talk about why vegetables and beans are good for you]

No, no. This vegetarian chili is not that kind of revival situation. I mean, it’d be pretty sweet if you had a Come to Jesus Moment while eating it and you were being 100% literal. Like, you came to Jesus. And he was all like, Isn’t vegetarian chili sort of an oxymoron?* And you were all like, Yeah? Then I guess this would be that kind of revival chili. Until then, this veggie chili is of the “reviving people from the wintery depths of illness and despair from this literally never ending figurative shit show that we’re supposed to call winter and not icy hell on earth variety.” Basically, I’m the one they call Dr. Feelgood and I’m the one that’s going to feed you veggie chili that will, in time, make you feel alright. Shit, I mean good. It’ll make you feel good. Don’t sell yourself short, me/Mötley Crüe.

Lemme splain.

Say you’re “down with the sickness” and you’re feeling tired and yucky. We’ll work on that with:

Beans: Well, yeah, this chili has beans. Black beans and kidney beans bulk up this recipe with protein and fiber. Your insides will thank you and your outsides will look less withered and sad. (You look withered and sad, sick people of New York.) With folic acid, magnesium, potassium, and iron you have even more sources for energy and overall health.

Lentils: An off-center but delicious addition to this chili, lentils are a good source of vegan protein with 50g per cup. At 59g of fiber per cup, lentils are 2 : 1 carbs : fiber which is pretty impressive. This ratio plus iron is good news for your dwindling energy. Someone told me you haven’t even been scowling at children recently. I’m so sorry. We’re going to keep fixing that with…

Mushrooms: Mushrooms are an excellent natural source of Vitamin D, one of the more elusive vitamins out there. They’re about equal parts protein and carbs, low in calories, and they add a “meaty” (okay, it’s a stretch) texture. High fives all around.

Carrots: Hey! Carrots, guys!

Kale: It’s no secret I’m up for tenure as the conductor of the Kale Bandwagon. I can’t even pretend to be cynical about its craze. Kale is fabulous. So much Vitamin A and D! It has some protein, not many carbs, and it’s pretty. What a winner!

Maple Syrup: Who can be down and out when they’re eating maple syrup?

Other Stuff: Also in there!

Together, we can beat this winter into submission. It’s going to be so exciting when we’re burning alive this summer, amiright?

*Seriously though – I know chili purists will say chili is absolutely not chili without meat and I’m not going to say I don’t agree but then what the fuck do you call meatless chili? Beans and Things? Did I make Beans and Things?



WINTER REVIVAL VEGGIE CHILI

this recipe makes an incredible amount of chili. Nutrition facts are based off 8 extremely generous servings.

ingredients:

1 15oz can of lentils

1 15oz can of kidney beans

1 15oz can of black beans

1 13-15oz can of diced tomatoes

1 tablespoon vegetable/grapeseed/whatever oil

½ one large onion

2 cloves of garlic, minced

6oz baby bella mushrooms, chopped

½ cup carrots, diced

2 tablespoons chili powder

1 teaspoon cumin

⅔ cup chipotle sauce

1 tablespoon maple syrup

1 cup of water

150g kale, chopped

PRAISE!

In a large pot, heat up the oil over medium heat. Add the onions and let them cook a few minutes. Add the garlic and cook about 30 seconds before adding the mushrooms. Cook some more until they start to release their liquids. Add the carrots, cook another few minutes. Add in the chili powder and cumin and stir about til well incorporated into the goodness. Throw in the tomatoes, chipotle sauce, maple syrup and water. Bring it to a light boil. Add the lentils and beans and bring it down to a simmer. Let your chili simmer on low for about 30 minutes. Add the kale in at the end, letting it cooking for a few minutes. Serve! Feel better!

NUTRITION based on 8 servings: 209 calories // 42g carbs // 1g fat // 12g protein // 11g fiber // 7g sugar

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