Hey, you know how you tell the difference between snowmen and snow-women? That’s right, snowballs! Today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Justy will give you the balls to head out when the white stuff is falling. That is, if its price isn’t one big snow job.


Do you think there’s a certain sense of pride derived from maintaining a car known for its unreliability? Considering the consequences in certain situations, it’s either pride, or unmitigated stupidity that’s on display there.

Yesterday’s 2011 Volkswagen Touareg Hybrid was just such a car. The regular Touareg maintained a rep for electrical issues and mechanical maladies that could only be solved by throwing copious quantities of cash at them. The Hybrid version was all that and more.


You only needed to throw $17,995 at that particular one to take over maintaining the pin in the metaphorical grenade. That however, was too much for so odd a bodkin of a car, and it fell in a 60-percent Crack Pipe loss.

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s been recently snowing in places that rarely if ever get snow. Last week there were people in Mexico City building snowmen (Muñecos de nieve?), and this time out of real snow not Raspados.

The same storm blanketed Baton Rouge in Louisiana, and hovered over Houston in Texas long enough to dust that southern city with a couple of inches of slush.

For people living on the West Coast, this could all be happening on Mars as we’ve been dealing with unseasonably warm temperatures brought on by Santa Ana winds. Those are fanning freaky fires that might make you think that hell itself has decided to open a theme park here.


We wouldn’t give today’s 1988 Subaru Just snow plow a second glance here in L.A.. That is, unless it could also plow highly combustable coastal chaparral. Those of you in the South however, who are facing snow maybe for the first time ever, and are hence freaking the flock out? Yeah, this car is no doubt your jam.


First off, it’s totally whistling Dixie with its General Lee stickers. Yes, the paint is far too red for this Justy to be mistaken for the real Dukes of Hazzard Charger, but man it’s close. The decision to go Johnny Reb is really kind of a strange one since the car is not actually located in the deep south, but in Billings, Montana, a state that didn’t even become a state until 1889, long after the War of Northern Aggression was over.

Okay, so that’s a little dissonant but probably not as much as the hood-mounted horns that will wake the neighbors by actually playing “Dixie.” Geez, I wonder if it comes with a sweet tea dispenser too?


The rest of the car seems to be pure un-distilled Justy 4X4 and that means a 66-horsepower 1.2-litre triple under the be-horned hood. This one eschews the shitty CVT automatic (see above about maintaining a poor reputation car), and instead rocks a five-speed stick and on-demand 4WD.


The big deal here however, is the 72-inch UTV snow plow from Moose Utility mounted up front. Now, if you’re turned on by plows—as you rightly should be—then I’d wager that this pretty much dampens your drawers right on first sight.

The seller says that the 56,000 mile Subie outshines a traditional UTV plow by virtue of its wipers, lights, and the fact that it has a working heater. Plus, once you’ve cleared the driveway, you can lift the blade and drive it to town for looting while everybody else is stuck behind inches of powder at home. Win, win!


The paint is claimed here to be ding and chip free, and the General Lee detritus is all vinyl decals so they can be easily removed if not your cup of Southern Comfort. The plow itself is claimed to have been added three years back and is said in the ad to have worked admirably ever since.


The asking price is $2,950 which gets you both car and plow. That price means you’ll never have to fear a dwindling beer supply on snowy nights, nor being forced to turn to cannibalism should you be snowed in before grocery day.

Now, I know many of you have wanted to try cannibalism, if only because it’s the hip thing to do these days, especially when it’s served with a fried egg on top. Trust me though, you’d much rather be able to drive this Justy to the Piggly Wiggly and pick up some Golden Flake pork skins than eat somebody’s foot. It’s pretty much the same thing and you also wouldn’t have to deal with tedium of eating left-overs for the next week like you would have if you had tucked into grandma.


Okay, so now we know that this Justy is a car that many of us simply can’t live without owing to its functionality and inherent badassity. The question for you is, could that all be worth a Grant-less than three-grand?

You decide!


Billings, MT Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

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