Judy Christie

Special to The Times

Samantha Nawrocki has been an Air Force spouse for almost 11 years and a military dependent for all of her 36 years.

She grew up an “Army brat” and laughs when she says as a teenager she vowed not to marry a military man. Then she met and fell in love with Andrew Nawrocki, now a technical sergeant stationed at Barksdale Air Force Base, a maintenance crew chief who does shift work that changes every three months.

Not only did she marry into the military community, but she has become passionate about helping military spouses. For her volunteer work, she’s been named Key Spouse of the Year in 2014 and 2015 by the Barksdale Bomb Wing.

When she talks about being in a military family, she lights up. “It’s in my blood,” she says. “My mom was a phenomenal role model. I’m glad I paid attention to her.”

The Rev. Kelly Berne, pastor of Love Chapel United Methodist Church in Haughton, met her husband, Gavin, 16 years ago after an LSU graduation ceremony. She was in college in south Louisiana; he was stationed in Pensacola.

Flying with the Thunderbirds: The F-16 ride of my life

Gavin Berne, now a lieutenant colonel and a B-52 radar navigator at Barksdale, has been deployed six times during their years together. Kelly has experienced life as a girlfriend, fiancée, newlywed and new mother with him away.

With a daughter, 12, a son, 9, and a third child on the way, “we value family time in our household,” she says.

They are among the many military families woven tightly into communities in north Louisiana. There are approximately 6,700 uniformed personnel at Barksdale Air Force Base. Of those, about 3,000 are married. There are roughly 2,200 military children in Bossier Parish schools, approximately 10 percent of the total number of Bossier students.

Families interviewed are candid about the rewards of their lives – and the challenges. And though they are part of the community in numerous ways, they remain centered on BAFB, a hub where people understand what deployment, relocation and long, stressful hours mean to a family.

“You have constant community and constant support,” Nawrocki says. “There’s always someone to turn to.”

While many people in north Louisiana were making plans for a beautiful spring weekend recently, for example, dozens of local families were preparing to send their loved ones to the Middle East to fight terrorism.

Hundreds of personnel from Barksdale were deployed with B-52s to Qatar, and in a flash, the important role of local military families was personified.

Perhaps few understand the life of military families more than Col. Kristin Goodwin, 2nd Bomb Wing commander at Barksdale Air Force Base and soon to be Senior Military Assistant to the Secretary of the Air Force at the Pentagon.

Goodwin is not only the person in charge of “bombs on target on time” but is responsible for the welfare of thousands of military and civilian personnel, family members and retirees.

“Without the people, we’re not going to be the greatest Air Force,” she says in an interview in her office. “You can’t retain good people unless you take care of families … The families are the ones who enable the active military.”

Married with two daughters, ages 2 and 4, Goodwin watches this issue of family from both a professional and personal perspective.

Members of the military volunteered for their careers, she says, while spouses are pulled into military life when they fall in love. She knew “from the age of 10” that she wanted to be in the military. Her wife, Kelly, on the other hand, never expected to marry someone in the service.

Col. Goodwin announces her departure

“It was so foreign to me,” Kelly Goodwin says with a smile. “I realized right away the challenges that military families face.” A former firefighter and professional cyclist, she, like others interviewed, is matter-of-fact about the demands and is devoted to helping her spouse.

To help meet the challenges, the Goodwins pay attention to taking care of each other and their children and to being available for their extended military family. “We’re a great team,” Kristin Goodwin says.

With a high-profile, stressful job, she strives to make time for family but acknowledges that the job is always key. “I have to take care of this wing and that family, so I can’t fully turn off,” she says. But “there’s nothing like walking in the door and seeing two little munchkins,” and her “amazing spouse” is always supportive.

Kristin Goodwin knows that “there are times if something happens, you have to work.” But, she encourages the people she works with to “take time to regenerate personally, too.”

Different, but alike

Visiting with a variety of military family members reveals the paradoxes of their lives.

• In many ways military families are like all families, which means full of differences – religion, race, ethnicity, levels of education, sexual orientation, types of jobs, hobbies and on and on. Some spouses come home with grease on their uniforms and under their fingernails. Others have desk jobs. “Each squadron is unique,” Nawrocki said.

But a strong common bond unites these families, a sense of duty and military community. They have their own language that includes terms such as “first shirt,” “maintainers” and “permanent change in station.” They clearly care about each other.

As Kelly Berne says, “They become your family, those people you depend on.”

• Some live on base and some off. Some non-military spouses work outside the home, others are stay-at-home parents. Both Moms and Dads are involved in the Air Force’s Key Spouse program. Military families are involved in the community at a variety of levels—and they find north Louisiana to be a welcoming community.

“That southern hospitality that you’ve read about, it’s totally true here,” says Maj. Phillip Ventura, chief of public affairs.

• They speak about the “chaos” of being in a military family, shift work, moves and unexpected assignments, and it’s clear that they make personal sacrifices for the love of their spouse and their country. They’ve got stories of missed birthdays, anniversaries, first Christmases.

But they jump immediately into a matter-of-fact optimism, talking about how to be flexible and keep the lines of family communication open. “There are challenges that every family faces,” Kelly Goodwin says.

“Make a plan. Change a plan.”

When Nawrocki moved to Barksdale, she discovered many young spouses who “needed to feel connected to the military world.”

So she volunteered to be a “Key Spouse” for her husband’s squadron, one of dozens of such spouses on base. They are appointed by a commander and provide “the link between the family and the squadron.”

“Sometimes the spouse can feel separated,” she says, so spouses meet as a group and individually. The Key Spouses help, from such things as recent flooding recovery to a Parents’ Night Out for spouses of deployed airmen.

Being part of a military family is “forever-changing excitement,” she says. “Make a plan. Change a plan.”

Bossier schools focus on helping military children

Georgette Price, a licensed counselor and military spouse, is military student coordinator for Bossier Parish schools and sees many issues with military children.

“Military children are more than likely not from our community, so not only do they not know anyone, they could be unsure of our culture, customs and traditions,” she says. “They may also experience long-term separation from a parent, or both parents, and they may deal with challenges such as having a parent injured (physically or mentally) or losing a parent. They often experience academic challenges as well. Either they are behind or ahead, either of which can present a challenge.”

The Nawrockis have three children, ages 9, 7 and 2, and Samantha Nawrocki says she recalls the things she “struggled with as a child” and uses them to help her family and others.

She passes on to her children what she learned from her mother in their Army family. “I couldn’t be the spouse or mom I am without my mom,” she says.

One of those lessons: Be compassionate. “My mom instilled in us the importance of treating everyone, all, absolutely the same.”

Children may find it harder to adjust than adults, both Berne and Nawrocki say, and they teach their children to help others, from asking newcomers to play to easing their transition at school.

Price also works on that. “My mission is try to alleviate the stress the transition and deployment process may have on the military child and their family,” she says. “I like to think of myself as their expert navigator. The military parent can come to me with all of their questions about transitioning to our school district, and the military student can utilize my expertise when dealing with transition or their parent being deployed.”

She leads military support groups at several schools and supervises a counselor intern who holds support groups and sees students for individual counseling. She is also a sponsor of a military club at a middle school and organizes special events like “Purple Up Day," to honor military students.

And those interviewed mention ways their children grow from being part of a military family.

“We try as parents to make it as painless as possible,” Kelly Berne says. “My hope it is that it makes them stronger in the long run.”

Separation from family

One of the biggest challenges is separation from family – both from the spouse and extended family.

“The children are very aware of the constant separations,” Nawrocki said. But they’re learning to be flexible. “You have to have open communication all the time…consistently communicating what you’re both experiencing.”

Kelly Berne agrees. “We try to be as open as possible to talk about our emotions,” she says. “It’s okay to be sad when Dad’s gone.”

Technology helps families stay in touch

Changing technology helps immensely. This ranges from such services as Skype and FaceTime to teddy bears that allow a parent to record a message.

When the Berne children were younger, Kelly Berne says, at various times during the day, they’d run to the computer and point and say, “Dad.”

When Nawrocki was a child and her father was away-- before technology evolved--“we were lucky if we got a call a month.” The changes are “a true blessing” and help keep relationships going, she says.

Her parents and extended family are on the East Coast. Her husband’s family is in the North. “The biggest challenge is distance from your family,” she says.

The community on base

Military families understand each other, according to spouses Berne, Nawrocki and Kelly Goodwin.

“Anytime we’ve ever needed anyone, someone was there,” Nawrocki says.

The Air Force provides extensive support for families, from help with big deployment issues to a recent spouse and children’s picnic at the park. “There are an abundance of resources on base,” Kelly Berne says.

A committed volunteer at Barksdale, Kelly Goodwin has found that military spouses help each other out every day, from picking up children to grabbing something at the grocery store or pharmacy for a neighbor.

“It’s really mind-blowing,” she says. “We’re very blessed by a strong community.”

When it’s time to move on

Ventura and his wife, Brigid, met in college in Wisconsin. Since they married 10 years ago, they’ve lived in New Mexico, Arizona, South Carolina, Washington D.C. and, for the last three years, in Louisiana.

“We love the sense of community here,” he says.

But they’ll be transferred to Hawaii in a few months. And there’s a sense of new adventure that goes with that.

“Having the opportunity to move and explore different parts of our country and world is one of my favorite parts of the military lifestyle,” Brigid Ventura says. “From walking the beaches of Charleston, S.C., to enjoying sunsets over the White Sands National Monuments near Alamogordo, N.M., we've enjoyed experiences that I wouldn't have even dreamed of by following a more traditional path.”

Although families may be moved with a short turnaround, they are philosophical about it.

Barksdale flies first all female B-52 crews

“If we put our best foot forward and trust, God will work things out,” Kelly Berne says. “There’s no point in fretting over it until you get those orders.”

Price reflects on helping children with moves. “Of course, every time they move, they have to ‘re-create’ themselves, make new friends, form their reputation with teachers and staff, join sports teams and become a part of a new school and community family,” she says.

Nawrocki is committed to helping make the move easier for other spouses.

“Upon our arrival at Barksdale in January 2013, with two kids in tow and one on the way, I noticed very quickly that there was a large gap in spouse support from base to base,” she says. “As a seasoned military spouse I felt it was my duty to help make a change, and that is when I became a Key Spouse.”

She is “working toward my goal of improving the lives of our military spouses.” Every time you move, she says, it can be different. One of her priorities: Developing standardized information for spouses when they move.

Making lifelong friends

Although military families may move more often than most, they connect with other military families and stay in touch – again with the help of technology and social media.

“There’s a great community on base with the friends that you meet,” Kelly Berne says. “You get moved but you stay connected.”

For example, just before Easter, the Bernes were part of a military friends’ reunion, with friends in from Minot, North Dakota, and Montgomery, Ala. The gathering was “full of laughing and reminiscing. It was like we hadn’t missed a day,” she says.

Barksdale Air Force Base is huge area employer

Following two careers

When one spouse is in the military and the other works elsewhere, life can be challenging and rewarding.

“Of course, no life is easy or perfect and one of the challenges I've faced is finding meaningful employment as our family has continually relocated for the Air Force,” Brigid Ventura says. “It takes a good deal of humility and tenacity to break into new job markets every couple years…”

A contracting officer for a D.C. museum, she says she was fortunate to find a job that has allowed her to work remotely. “It means a lot to me to both stay professionally engaged during these prime years of my career and be able to contribute financially to our family."

For the love of spouse and country

Price helps sum up what the military family lifestyle means. “The military life is a choice that my husband and I made,” she says. “He chose to join, and I chose to marry him. However, our children did not make that choice and that can be a blessing or curse for them. Being a part of the military has offered us so many things for which I am grateful; an opportunity to travel, the means to provide a comfortable life for our children, and, of course, having friends all around the world.

“Obviously there are challenges as well; separation, transition and, of course, concern over the welfare of our loved one. I believe we are like any other family, though we try to love and support each other no matter where we are or how far apart we may be.”

Shreveport-Bossier welcomes local military families

Col. Kristin Goodwin praises Shreveport-Bossier for its welcome of military families. “I don’t think there’s a community that does it better.”

Her wife, Kelly, says connections with the community help military families. “People open up their hearts and houses.”

Maj. Phillip Ventura, who gives a welcoming brief to new military arrivals at Barksdale, says the respect the community shows to people in uniform helps.

“We love the sense of community here,” he says. Of all the places he and his wife have lived, “this is by far the most welcoming.”

Tips to build military families

• Keep an open line of communication between spouses.

• Be patient and flexible with each other.

• Utilize base resources, such as a checklist of people to ask questions.

• Connect with the local community.

• Be willing to reach out and talk to someone when you need help.

• Ask friends for help.

• Work to coordinate parent responsibilities.

• Plan “date nights” for spouses.

• Keep a good family calendar.

• Take part in fun activities on base with other military families.

• Schedule Skyping when a spouse is away.

(Sources: Military spouses Kelly Berne, Samantha Nawrocki and Kelly Goodwin)

About the photographer

Heather McKinney, who takes many of the photographs you see in Rouge Magazine, is a U.S. Air Force veteran and has completed two tours overseas. She’s also a military spouse, and her husband is stationed at Barksdale. They were transferred from Germany to the Shreveport area last summer.