Guy goes in to see a Doc says there’s something wrong with me I got a sadness I can’t shake now…Is there something I can take now? –Rhett Miller | Pagliacci

I’ve been listening to a podcast called The Hilarious World of Depression, presented by John Moe. He interviews comedians that each suffer from mental health disorders of most descriptions and it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. Think part podcast – part therapy; makes you laugh, makes you cry and makes you really think about where your own brain and mental health is at. This podcast forced me to go to the doctor’s and re-evaluate what is going on with me. Again. I wonder if I get any further this time in finding out what is really going on with me?

His opening line is “Is depression funny?” and each comedian would then answer his question; the best and most accurate answer for me was from American comedian Paul F. Tompkins – “It’s this absurd thing that your own body’s chemicals do to you to make you feel sad… That’s dumb…what evolutionary purpose does that serve? It’s ridiculous that we have that… It’s bad enough we still have an appendix that does nothing, that’s just a ticking time bomb in our bodies… But then also brain chemicals are gonna get mixed up the wrong way and make you feel bad? That’s hilarious if you think about it!”.

This resonated with me because it’s true, how is the human race surviving with these crippling mental disorders? What is the use in depression? What kind of messed up mutation is this? Granted there’s a large proportion that haven’t survived, they have died by suicide. Is the global suicide statistic rising or is it recieving more coverage as the stigma declines so it seems like it’s happening more? A question I could never even attempt to answer. That statement also resonated with me because I’m a lifelong sufferer of some form of depression and anxiety and see it’s uselessness for what it is – it’s just there, it isn’t like a friend who sticks by you and there for you when you need it… but more of a shadow that is always stuck to you but only shows itself when the light decides to shine. Just as you see that light, your shadow covers it up making it impossible to see life’s beauty.

Cue misery and absolute crushing numbness. Followed by elation and disproportionate euphoria. And repeat, forever.

Obviously, most* people are able to manage or even rid depression and/or anxiety from their lives. It could be medication, therapy, a good support network, coping mechanisms or a combination of those things that help those people ease their mental health (which are positive factors and should be encouraged). Or it could be self-medicating, self-harm, addiction (alcohol, drugs both illegal and prescribed) and other negative factors which may feel like they’re helping when ultimately those things are numbing and very dangerous to mental health.

It’s all about finding the boundary line, understanding which things help in a positive way and negative way and to choose the right course to help yourself.

You have to try your hardest to help yourself and recognise there is a problem before anybody else will be able to help. I know it’s hard – I’m 27 and only just learning this.

*Most is used very loosely.