Indians slugger Brandon Moss’s solo home run, in the fourth inning of Cleveland’s 2-1 win in Kansas City, was the 100th of his career. Naturally, he wanted to hang on to it. Unfortunately for Moss, the ball didn’t land in the stands, where it could be collected by a fan and be negotiated for in good faith. It ended up in the custody of the Indians’ relievers, who are entirely unreasonable.


The ball landed in the visitors’ bullpen, and Cleveland’s staff quickly put together a list of their demands:


Remarkably uniform desires, there—athletes love them some Apple products. (That’s bullpen coach Jason Bere who thought he wanted an iPad, before crossing it out and demanding an Apple Watch.) Keep an eye on Marc Rzepczynski, though, and his request for a “50 gallon drum of lube.”