Studies have been made that claim installing this evil device at Chase Field will decrease the number of home runs by 25 to 50 percent. Not only is this an unnatural modification of the best sport ever invented and a stain on the all-natural way it was meant to be played, but it also limits the best thing in all of sports, the long dong. Any measure that seeks to eliminate the number of home runs hit in the MLB is one that will be met with severe backlash, as it takes away the pure euphoria of the home run. Furthermore, this move would have an extremely negative financial consequence on all Diamondbacks fantasy owners and will cut into the numbers for players like Paul Goldschmidt, Jake Lamb and Yasmany Tomas. It is with the utmost sincerity that I beg the Diamondbacks to reconsider installing this humidor, as a baseball fan, and a human being.

Thank you.