They call it schadenfreude* in German – enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others.

While Arsenal fans form an orderly queue outside North London dry cleaners, awkwardly stained slacks in hand and pre-prepared explanations on the tip of their collective tongues, it appears Real Madrid’s players and supporters have only just twigged how big a loss Mesut Ozil threatens to be.

From record-breaking striker to former sporting director, new face to old guard, golfer to tennis player, musician to film star…pretty much everybody associated with Los Merengues is mourning Mesut’s move.

With lips trembling and, in the case of Ronaldo, mascara running down his cheeks, here’s the reaction from the Spanish capital:

Cristiano Ronaldo: “The sale of Ozil is very bad news for me. He was the player who best knew my moves in front of goal… I’m angry about Özil leaving.”

Isco: “The truth is I was very surprised, and even more after he said last week he was going to stay. We all know Ozil has a lot of quality and is a player capable of changing a game.”

Alvaro Arbeloa: “Ozil said goodbye on Sunday but I thought it was a joke. There is nobody like him. It will be tough for the fans because they loved him.”

Sergio Ramos: “Ozil is definitely a unique team-mate and friend. We’ve always had this connection with him. I feel disappointed as the club have lost a great footballer but I don’t mind his decision to leave. His departure was his personal choice and everyone should decide their own futures.

Jorge Valdano (former sporting director): “If they gave me the choice I would put the Ozil-Angel Di Maria pairing before Bale. I would certainly put Ozil before Bale.”

Sergio Garcia (golfer): “How could they have let this happen – paying £100m to sign someone to replace Özil from a club nobody’s heard of? They are crackers in the head.”

Antonio Banderas (actor): “I cannot believe this. This is so not funny it makes Adam Sandler’s last movie look like Blazing Saddles.”

Julio Iglesias (singer): “This is a travesty. Özil is a supple magician with the feet of an angel. I am disgusted. I will begin by opening a can of whoop ass on Florentino Pérez.”

Enrique Inglesias (singer/prat): “This situation is made all the worse given Mathieu Flamini stole my mole.”

Sofia Vergara (actress) (loudly): “Oh my gaaaaaaaawd, eees terrible. Why they do theeeeeeeeees?”

Rafael Nadal (tennis player): “Rafa sad.”

Placido Domingo: “I shall never sing Nessun Dorma ever again, the pain is too much.”

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*Not to be confused with ‘stefanfreunde’ which is the German word for sad, little prick.