An enterprising thief allegedly burgled Valve’s Bellevue office last June, making off with a prop (I assume) minigun and an estimated $40,000 (£32k) worth of games and equipment. The intruder shoved the goods into a wheelie bin and lugged to his car across the street.

There will be no jokes about this grave matter.

The suspect, 32 year old Shawn Shaputis, was charged on the 15th of September with one count of burglary and another for the trafficking of stolen property. The robbery relieved Valve of promotional items, memorabilia, several consoles, and “15-20” laptops, in addition to a pile of games. He was later seen in security footage selling 43 of the stolen games to GameStop for $336 (£270).

“Shaputis told police ‘he got so many items, he didn’t even remember what it all was,’ adding that he threw ‘random items’ into a rolling recycling bin he used to tote the stolen goods out of Valve’s 11th floor office”, Polygon quoted from court documents. And of course, there’s the matter of Gabe Newell’s minigun, which Shaputis saw in Forbes, leading inevitably to his breaking into a restaurant adjoining Newell’s office to get at that sweet, if useless loot. We’ve all done it.

KIRO 7 news reported the story on Monday, noting that Shaputis had form, as well as six outstanding warrants at the time of the Valve burglary. According to Bellevue police he spent another afternoon last Summer leading them on a high speed chase in a stolen FedEx van with its rear door hanging open, having seen the key in the ignition and, presumably, felt like seizing an opportunity.

“Shaputis was first arrested for the burglary spree on June 29, 2018, one week before he stole the FedEx truck, but he keeps getting out of jail,” the news outlet said of the Valve robbery. “In video obtained by KIRO 7, Seattle police appear to surround the man who seems to not be wearing shoes,” they reported of the FedEx theft.

I once looked for a matching bag for 20 minutes before leaving the house, and this guy doesn’t even need shoes to take on the police. Maybe they’ll make a game about him.