WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

Brisbane City Council is being hailed today for its new policy initiative to spruce up the famous South Bank Streets Beach.

The Council issued a statement this afternoon announcing a bold plan to introduce Blue Bottle Jellyfish to the man made beach.

The Blue Bottle is a mainstay at many beaches across the country, and the painful little stingy aquatic creature looks set to now grace the South Bank icon.

The famous pool masquerading as a beach was created in 1992 in an attempt to give tourists, and a couple of residents, a swimming destination in the heart of the city, but has, unfortunately, always struggled for authenticity.

However, the chlorinated body of water and human urine looks set to change the perception of itself with the new upgrade.

“We are very excited to announce that we will be shipping in nearly 1000 new blue bottles every six months to give swimmers an authentic experience,” said the city’s mayor.

“It will be just like being on the coast.”

“Apart from the fact the water is warm, your piss doesn’t vanish somewhere into the big blue, and there are no waves.”

“But fixing those things would have cost a lot of money, so we’ve just got in a stack of Blue Bottles.”

“Exciting times ahead.”

The Mayor then told us the Blue Bottles are set to be rolled out by the end of the month.