Kathie Moehlig has spent 20 years as a life coach and earned additional training as a parenting instructor, drug and alcohol treatment counselor, and as an ordained minister. All of that training, she believes, led to her current role as founder and executive director of TransFamily Support Services.

“(We are) a non-profit organization that serves transgender and non-binary folks and their families. We provide navigation for this very challenging journey,” she says, noting research that shows higher suicide rates among these youth who have no parental acceptance and support, versus those who have the support of at least one parent. “(We) guide parents with education, support and resources to be able to move to acceptance and being a support for their youth.”

When her own son, Sam, started his transition, there was one local support group available, but not much else. Her family couldn’t find any local doctors who were treating transgender youth, either. Once the Moehligs started their journey, other parents began reaching out to her asking for help and guidance, and today her organization and PFLAG San Diego County are hosting a screening of the documentary “Gender Revolution” at 1 p.m. at the Poway Library (13137 Poway Road, Poway). The film will be followed by a panel discussion with transgender youth and their parents, sharing their experiences.

Moehlig, 56, lives in Rancho Bernardo with her husband and they have two children. She took some time to talk about her work in support of the transgender and non-binary community; training families, schools, the medical and legal communities, and government agencies how to be supportive and helpful to those who identify as trans and non-binary; and her love of musicals.


Q: In general, what happens during the process of facilitating acceptance and support for transgender and non-binary youth with their families?

A: TransFamily Support Services sets up what we call a “family engagement session.” In this session, we meet with the parents, along with the trans or non-binary youth, and the session is typically in the family’s home. We are able to have conversations about what being transgender or non-binary means. We share research, resource information and answer any and all questions that parents and youth have on their mind. We’re able to help everyone understand that it is most likely not a phase and not a choice. Having a gender identity outside of what you were assigned at birth is real. We give parents the time and space to move through their process of disbelief, shock and sometimes grief. It is also very important to be able to provide the space for the youth to have a voice. Many times, this involves sharing very real feelings with their parents that they may not have been able to share before. We do a lot of listening and validating everyone’s feelings while allowing them to walk through wherever they are at each step in the journey.

Q: You also advocate for resources and support at schools for youth and their families. What kinds of resources and support are necessary or unique to a school environment?

A: With students spending the majority of their waking hours at school, it is so important that they feel safe at school. Our organization focuses on having the same conversations with educators that are being had with parents. All of the staff in the education system needs to understand the nature of gender identity and the best ways to support these students. Many times, a student will “come out” to their friends at school, or sometimes a teacher, even before they tell their parents. So, it’s vital that educators and other school staff are educated, accepting and supportive of the student. We engage at individual schools and work tirelessly to get in at the district level to provide education and training. It is essential that the school staff realizes the importance of using the chosen name and pronoun rather than the assigned pronoun for students; this one action can actually save lives.


Q: When you’re leading workshops and providing instruction for school faculty and staff, what do they need to know about LGBTQ awareness?

A: There is a lot of information that is shared and educators need to do ongoing education on LGBTQ awareness and rights. One of the most important actions is that we need to listen to the students and they will tell us the best way to support them, how to help them when they are in distress, and what actions can be taken to help them feel safe. We are so lucky to live in California, where we have amazing laws to protect our trans students’ rights, but many educators are unaware of those rights or how to best practice them. The ideal educator will listen to a student, respect what they have said, and support their needs.

What I love about Rancho Bernardo ...

We have lived in Rancho Bernardo for over 20 years. Some very warm and wonderful people live here, and it is very convenient for me right now with the work I do. I am driving from Orange and Riverside counties to Chula Vista, to Alpine, and to the coast. Rancho Bernardo is right in the middle, so I have easy access to get where I need to be, which at times feels like everywhere at once.

Q: When you talk to educators about adopting “best practices as policy,” what are some of those best practices?


A: One of the most difficult things for staff is to put aside their own beliefs and biases to really listen to the student. It is hard to let go of what we think we know and to learn something new. Especially something they think is as basic as binary gender. Educating and them understanding that gender is a spectrum and is not the same as sexual orientation is sometimes challenging.

Q: What was missing in terms of the support your own family needed that you’ve been able to address through your organization?

A: Some of the most important work we’ve done has been with the medical community. When my son transitioned, there were not any doctors serving trans youth in San Diego. The only doctors were up in Los Angeles. My son was the first to be treated at Rady Children’s (Hospital) and now there is a gender management clinic at Rady serving the trans youth community in San Diego.

Q: What’s been rewarding about your work with your organization?


A: I can say that we have been able to save lives and of course that is why I do what I do. But seeing a youth turn from anxious, depressed and withdrawn from their life to happy, engaged and truly living life. There is nothing better.

Q: What has it taught you about yourself?

A: That hard work really does pay off. There are amazing folks out there who are happy to help when you are making a difference. It truly does take a village.

Q: What is the best advice you’ve ever received?


A: The one piece of advice that resonates most is that “life is full of peaks and valleys; the real key is to never pitch a tent.” I try to not focus on any one thing for too long, good or bad. Letting things go isn’t easy but it allows me to have the energy to get more done.

Q: What is one thing people would be surprised to find out about you?

A: I struggled greatly with drugs and alcohol in my late teens and early 20s, did some things I am not proud of, but I am now very proud to say that I have over 30 years of being clean and sober. My past has taught me acceptance, openness and a belief that people can and do change. I know this is why I don’t give up, even with the toughest of parent situations.

Q: Describe your ideal San Diego weekend.


A: I am a big fan of Broadway, so anything that includes a musical with my family, a good meal, and maybe the sunset at the beach would be the best!


Email: lisa.deaderick@sduniontribune.com

Twitter: @lisadeaderick