“Yes, only two articles of impeachment: abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. Which means the Democrats are showing a lot of restraint, because I mean, let’s be honest: Trump has done enough crazy [expletive] to merit 2,000 articles of impeachment. Yeah, there was obstruction of justice from the Mueller report, using the presidency to enrich his businesses, the porn star payoffs, flag molestation, the time he looked directly into an eclipse and, of course, having Don Jr. I mean, that’s impeachment on its own.” — TREVOR NOAH

“So the good news for Trump is that he’s only facing two charges. Although in a way, that’s also kind of sad for him, because Nixon had three articles brought against him, Bill Clinton had four, and Andrew Johnson had 11, which means Trump will have the smallest impeachment of all time. You know that’s going to make him insecure. He’s gonna be like, ‘It’s not about the size of impeachment, it’s about the friction of the conviction!’” — TREVOR NOAH

“Trump getting this far into his presidency without being impeached is a lot like when a dog accidentally drives a car into a tree. Yeah, the dog crashed, but he made it eight blocks — that’s impressive. I don’t even know how he put it into drive — he barely knows letters.” — TREVOR NOAH