I know I haven’t written on here for a while but I think I need to just try and say what is really happening when you try and get the help.

So I know in the media mental health is being spoken about a lot! Which is great honestly I like the fact people are talking and saying it’s okay not to be okay. But it’s when people on ‘the outside’ (non mental health issues) day or write ‘if you’re struggling seek help, go to the doctors’, well no, honestly from someone who knows all to well, it’s great talking to the GP who just say here have a leaflet for IAPT therapy. But when you are already being ‘seen’ by mental health services you will be sent on your way.

But for me being ‘seen’ by mental health services, just means you’re on many waiting lists not actually being able to see anyone. I tried IAPT they told me they can’t see me because I have BPD and my case is to complex 😕 well that sent me back a few steps.

Update I have recently moved from Birmingham, to the area of Warwickshire. I have now been transferred to adults woohoo (Not) I was apparently transferred in June 2018, awaiting an appointment which never happened (still waiting) I’m currently chasing and awaiting many phone calls (also still waiting) which I’m getting it’s not me it’s them going back and forth only to be told I’ve been took off Birmingham services and with Coventry!!

So I finally received a letter to say that I would finally have an appointment with coventry in June 2019!! Beyond angry – even writing this my anxiety is peaking feeling the heart racing breathing more heavily.

I rang them obv to see if I could get an appointment quicker – her answer was hmm, probably not the service is very full, you are not the only one in this situation. She asked if my symptoms have gotten worse, I said “Yes, I have started harming, eating less (at this point she checked my bmi, said I was underweight and should be okay) then asked about suicidal thoughts I said I have them everyday”. She said well if you’re not in crisis I can’t do anything.

This is the world we are currently living in, I can’t afford private care otherwise I would have considered it, however why should i pay nearly £800 to get better, when if I had a broken bone there wouldn’t be one year for my arm to be plastered.

Until I am waiting to die, or end my life I can’t receive care. Please when people are struggling don’t assume they aren’t seeking help, they are but the waiting lists are so long people are struggling now to find the trust or the words to say anything. Sometimes people want the voices to stop, just if you see someone quiet or not themselves talk to them please don’t leave them alone, no matter what they say.

There have been many times more recently I have wanted to be alone, but my partner knows when I’m alone I’ll probably end up harming or worse, but he won’t leave me alone and that’s why I’m thankful I’m living with him.