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Robyn and Jesus live together in Colorado, but they also have other emotional and sexual relationships. They are, in fact, polyamorous. As they tell Jonathan Groubert, they feel this arrangement has deepened their sense of intimacy, but it’s not without jealousy. We introduce Ben who is Robyn's “sweetie” and Jesus’s good friend.







Flirtation, love, romance and polyamory



Q: ...Listening to the both of you talk through most of this interview, a few words keep coming back. "Talk it through." "Rationalization." "Old paradigms," like monogamy. These things all keep coming through. How important is emotional maturity here? (Pause.) You're laughing.



Robyn Trask: I'd say its critical. Because without it, this can all explode spectacularly and it can be very challenging. It's like dating for the first time when you're a teenager, or in college, or whenever you started dating the first time. Most of us had a lot of what we call teen angst. Or angst over relationships, and we worried, and we fell in love, and we got hurt, and we didn't know how to deal with it. And, the same thing happens when people start exploring multipartner relationships. It's like learning relationships all over again.



The difference is that oftentimes you can't go to your parents to talk about it. Or you don't have an aunt or somebody who's been through it to go talk to and say, "Hey, I'm really having trouble with my two partners, and I'm not sure how to reconcile these feelings," because they look at you and go like "What?! You're with two partners?!"



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Q: ...How about at work? Are they aware of your relationships?



Jesus V. Garcia: One thing I've found is, when you approach this with pride, and passion, and having people see you with pride and passion about what you're doing, they can't really fault you for it.



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Q: ...But what does Ben think of Jesus?



Ben Silver: I got to hear a lot about the building of [Robyn's] relationship with Jesus well before I met him. So I sort of felt a warmth toward Jesus even before we met, and then when I did meet him I was delighted.



Q: ...Ben, is there a moment that has happened since you've chosen to be polyamorous that has confirmed to you: Yes, I made the right decision. That this was the best thing to do with my life.



Ben: When my son was much younger he was watching the live-action version of the Grinch movie, and in the backstory, there was something where the mayor of the town, as a kid, was vying for a relationship with someone that they both loved. I was watching this with my son and he looked at me and said, "I don't understand? If they both love her and she loves them, why can't she be with both of them?"



And I felt this moment of delight and pride that my son understood this idea of, there aren't necessarily these limitations to love. In fact, he not only understood that, the whole idea that you would have to not love someone because you loved someone else was foreign to him.



Q: Robyn, the same question to you: What one moment encapsulates for you the fact that you have made the right decision to live your life this way? And that it really matters.



Robyn: I was actually at work one day and a girlfriend of mine was over helping my husband clean the house after this party. So my husband called me up on the phone, he says "I just want to let you know that So-and-so and I were making out in the kitchen." I got this huge grin on my face, because I was really happy for him. Because I knew he liked her, I knew that she liked him, and I felt this sense of happiness for it. And I was with a group of people, I was sitting in a big circle of people when he called, and they go, "Well what are you so happy about?" And I thought, how funny it is that I really don't know how to explain to this room, "My husband has been making out in the kitchen with one of my friends, that's why I'm smiling."



In a way I relate it to children, because most people can relate to that -- watching your child take his first steps and you're all excited. It's that kind of feeling. You're happy for them.



Q: Jesus, you know I can't leave you out of this. What for you is your most important moment, your "Aha" moment?



Jesus: After I think it was the last conference, we were all in a room, Ben and Robyn were hugging and snuggling and kissing, and I walk in and they greet me with open arms, and I hug them both, and I kiss Robyn, and then Robyn goes over and kisses Ben, and then Ben reaches over and gives me a quick kiss and takes a step back and goes [joking] "Oh! -- oh my god -- I'm sorry!" I felt very flattered, Ben's a good friend, I didn't even think anything about it -- but just that one sudden shock of --



Ben: Was I that apologetic? I'm sort of surprised.



Jesus: You took a step back, you were more shocked than anything. But it was nice, the fact that the emotions were running between the three of us, that it felt good that we were just in the moment at that time.



Q: What's the next time you're all going to meet up?



Ben: September.



Q: And what's that moment going to be like, when you see each other for the first time in months?



Robyn: Lots of hugs and kisses. [Laughs.]





And the hits keep on coming. I just listened to one of the best radio interviews on polyamory that I can recall.Many NPR stations in the U.S. carry "The State We're In" (slogan: "how we treat each other around the world"), produced by Radio Netherlands. The show's producer writes us, "I had the pleasure of interviewing Robyn Trask, Jesus Garcia and Ben Silver from Loving More for [the May 15th] programme. This is broadcast in English on many NPR stations across the USA, Asia and in Australia."From the station's website: Listen here . Our intrepid three start the show and go until 21:45 (with a one-minute news break). It ends with one of Ben Silver 's happy, haunting poly songs: his multi-voice, interwoven "More Love."Some excerpts:Here are pictures of the three of them, and Robyn's own comments on the interview.

Labels: Loving More, Poly 101, radio