We have a lot of fun here in the shebeen with Justice Louis Brandeis’s assertion that the states are “the laboratories of democracy.” However, if the Atlanta-based CDC is on the ball, it will designate Georgia as a Level-4 containment lab. Everybody zip up those outer-space HazMat suits and go down and get yourself a haircut, provided the cord feeding you oxygen can stretch from your house in Decatur to Mutt’s Haircutting Place and Feed Store in Waycross. Now that Governor Brian Kemp has given all Georgians permission to infect each other, we’ve got to isolate that place so Georgians don’t infect the rest of us. Start building the big old bubble. Do it now. From CNN:

Kemp said specifically that fitness centers, bowling alleys, body art studios, barbers, hair and nail salons, and massage therapy businesses can reopen as early Friday, April 24. Theaters and restaurants will be allowed to open on Monday, April 27, while bars and night clubs will remain closed for now...

Notably, Kemp said Monday that no local ordinance can restrict the openings, which will be implemented statewide. "In the same way that we carefully closed businesses and urged operations to end to mitigate the virus' spread, today we're announcing plans to incrementally and safely reopen sectors of our economy," he told reporters.



(Kemp, you may recall, is the brainiac who was the last person on Earth to know that the coronavirus can be transmitted by asymptomatic carriers. What the hell, the guy probably shouldn’t be governor anyway.)



You’re in good hands, Georgia. Kevin C. Cox Getty Images

Local mayors are particularly enthusiastic about that last part, where Kemp took away their ability to keep their own citizens safe. From The Guardian:



The mayor of Atlanta, Georgia’s biggest city, said Kemp’s decision was not based on “anything logical”.

“We see our numbers are continuing to tick up in this state, we see that our deaths are rising,” said Keisha Lance Bottoms, a Democrat. “We have some of the highest asthma rates in the country right here in Atlanta.” She later issued a statement insisting city residents stay inside. The Democratic mayor of Savannah, Van Johnson, said ending the lockdown was “reckless, premature and dangerous”.

“People can see it for themselves” Johnson told CNN. “We want them to keep the faith, but we want them to follow the science. This is still a dangerous time. This is not the time for people to take their feet off the gas.”

The list of non-essential businesses that Kemp is going to allow to reopen includes gyms, fitness centers, bowling alleys, body art studios, barbers, cosmetologists, hair designers, and nail-care artists. It sounds like Kemp is declaring that every strip mall in the state is now open for business, but it’s hard to imagine a list of businesses that would be more susceptible to the spread of epidemic disease. Can a hairstylist work from six feet away? Can a tattooist use a six-foot needle? And opening bowling alleys but keeping bars closed? Does Kemp understand how he is profaning the very spirit of bowling in that way?

Moreover, Governor Bill Lee of Tennessee and Henry McMaster of South Carolina both look as though they’re following Kemp’s lead. We’re going to need a bigger bubble.

Respond to this post on the Esquire Politics Facebook page here.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io