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been sitting here waiting for this pic.twitter.com/tptJPQafQj — Jason Botchford (@botchford) October 26, 2017

Putting Botch in his own Provies creation is always my favorite. Botchception.

Now, the Hutton Bible is quite a read.

It’s a long read.

Like, really long.

Like, super long.

Almost as long as this Provies.

But, it’s also a very good, impassioned, stat heavy read showing you why Hutton, in the infamous words that should be written on Drance’s Canuck writing tombstone, is “better than you think”.

Also, Jeremy wrote this BEFORE Hutton’s monster game tonight, so he gets, like, bonus points.

BEST SHOT

Jeremy Davis:

“This defenceman puts up decent point totals, he’s a solid power play quarterback, and he does a ton of little things well defensively that make him highly valuable in his own end and on the penalty kill.”

BEST CHASER

Jeremy Davis:

“Yet, because he’s prone to the occasional mental gaffe, he’s seen as overrated and underwhelming by surface-level fans who don’t have the patience to dig deeper or the knowledge of what to watch for.”

That sound you heard?

That was the slapping of a glove across the anti-Hutton brigades face, as Jeremy Davis has now entered the war.

BEST YOU CAN’T WIN THEM ALL

BEST NAME OF MY HIGH SCHOOL BAND

I feel like Big Tuna and the Twins would do a bunch of Mumford & Sons cover songs.

BEST SIGN THE CITY IS HYPED ABOUT THE KIDS

Oh, you didn’t hear? Pettersson got 5 points in his game today.

3 goals 5 points for Elias. One of best SHL games I've ever seen from a teenager. — Corey Pronman (@coreypronman) October 26, 2017

You know it’s a big day when the post about the Russian Swedish Twin doll found in the Czech Republic is barely hanging onto the front page of Canucks Reddit.

BEST OF THE LOUI O FACE

With Botch bringing the goods with the Flat J-Pat, I knew I had to have an answer for him.

Obviously I tend to dabble in dank memes and random wrestling references, so I went to my wheelhouse and busted out a Hall of Fame worthy Canucks meme.

The Loui O Face.

Getting ready for my Thursday Provies. Flat J-Pat has a new challenger. pic.twitter.com/IIb4QKsAwk — Wyatt Arndt (@TheStanchion) October 23, 2017

Luckily one reader responded, and not only did he complete the challenge in record time, not only is his last name on the coffee cup, but he ALSO included cheese bread.

That’s bad ass Chris. Well done sir.

BEST CURIOUS CASE OF THE CANUCKS GOAL SONG

If you were wondering what the deal was with the Canucks goal song (I had assumed it was just “The Whip”), apparently the custom individualized goal songs are still a thing.

I honestly hadn’t noticed the second song kick in, and I could probably write a Jeremy Davis level thesis on the importance of the individual goal song coming on right after the goal, but I will leave that for another day.

But, good news, Callin’ Baton Rouge can still be heard after Sutter goals.

Eventually.

…

…

…

Yay.

BEST GOAL SONG CONTROVERSY

Look, you just have to pick a starting song and stick with it. You can’t keep flipping between songs, all it does is create a controversy that will distract the team.

You can’t have a 2 goal song system like this, you need to name your starter song.

These song controversies are tearing this city apart.

BEST DAN MURPHY INVESTIGATES

Helllllllo ladies 💁‍♂️ https://t.co/3l6ZutpGYH — Michael Del Zotto (@MichaelDelZotto) October 25, 2017

Contained within the immortal tome of “Canada’s 25 hottest Bachelors, 2017” was a piece about DJ MDZ making mix tapes for his teammates.

Mix tapes you say? What kind of mix tapes? We, the people, must know.

This used to be the go to move for trying to get a girls attention, surely we must find out how DJ MDZ plans out a mix to gain the friendship of new teammates.

And who do we go to when we need to find out vital sources of information such as this?

The people’s champion, Dan Murphy.

No personal tapes. But has made 5 or 6 for game days. House music/hip hop/ rock and refuses to incorporate Sutter’s “country crap”. — Dan Murphy (@sportsnetmurph) October 26, 2017

Score points to DJ MDZ for being the hero we need to stand against Sutter’s “country crap”. God speed MDZ.

BEST DAN MURPHY INVESTIGATES AGAIN

Dan Murphy needs a raise. He found this gem for me at tonight’s game:

The man loves ketchup. It is no joke.

Heinz, get this guy a contract, ASAP.