Héctor Bellerín So sorry for the delay. Training finished late.

Romesh Ranganathan No problem. By chance, we’re going to the same gig tonight.

Héctor Ricky Gervais? I love him. I love English comedy, but sometimes I have to watch it a few times to really get it.

Romesh I wanted to say that I’m a massive Arsenal fan and you are an absolute legend, mate. I don’t want to fanboy too much, but you are part of this generation of players that clearly have a personality and you’re not scared to speak up. Arsenal have had players with personalities in the past – you only have to read Tony Adams’ autobiography to know that he got up to some shit – but he was the exception rather than the rule.

Héctor Footballers are still told to stick to football and not to talk about anything else. For a lot of footballers, it’s easy to post boring stuff online after a game. I feel that we will never go forward if we keep doing that. We can use social media to show that we aren’t machines that play every Saturday. We have our passions and our problems just like everyone else. Look at what happened when Raheem Sterling wrote about racism on Instagram. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and it started a really important conversation.

Romesh It was a brilliant post. People don’t expect a footballer to say those kinds of things. I used to do standup about footballers; they are easy targets because they are traditionally seen as stupid. David Beckham is always seen as the thickest man on the planet, too daft to complete a jigsaw puzzle. But then you watch old footage of him playing and every time he plays a ball across the field, he’s intuitively working out the trajectory of the ball.

Héctor Most footballers come from difficult backgrounds. If your mum or dad is a banker or a doctor, then you’re hardly likely to become a footballer; your parents will most likely put you through university and you’ll have a career. My mum and dad raised me really well and I didn’t hang around the streets all day, but I’m still from a lower-class family. We are just as good at what we do. If Einstein were still alive, he probably wouldn’t have a clue about the offside rule. We have a different kind of intelligence.

Romesh So much has changed since you moved to Arsenal in 2011. But, even before that, there were significant changes. I’m thinking of [Arsène] Wenger becoming manager in 1996. No one knew what to make of him. He had a degree in economics and he had all these strange ideas about diet. This sounds ludicrous now, but the press questioned whether or not an English club should have a foreign manager. People thought the north London derby wouldn’t be as feisty because Arsenal and Tottenham’s foreign players wouldn’t understand the spirit or the history of the rivalry.

Héctor All that stuff about foreign players ruining the beautiful game is pure racism. I used to love Thierry [Henry, who played for Arsenal from 1999 to 2007] and I’ve always loved the kits because I used to play as Arsenal on the PlayStation. So, when I signed for them, I already had a connection. I don’t hate Tottenham because they told me to hate them. I hate them because I love Arsenal.

Héctor: ‘I did standup every time there was a big family event.’ Photograph: Ben Quinton/The Guardian

Romesh The more recent change I was thinking about was footballers speaking out about issues that might previously have been taboo – like Danny Rose opening up about depression before the 2018 World Cup.

Héctor Footballers still feel scared because the sport is associated with maleness. But you don’t have to be an alpha male just because you’re a footballer. [Burnley winger] Aaron Lennon talked about his depression, and someone asked how he could be depressed when he was earning so much money. You can be incredibly isolated as a footballer – if your family lives elsewhere, then you are going home to an empty house. Until recently, footballers had to pretend depression or loneliness weren’t issues. You couldn’t cry.

Romesh The contrast of being in the spotlight when you’re very young and then suddenly not can be really bad for your mental state. This is on a very different scale, but bear with me. I went on tour, did one of my biggest shows, the crowd were laughing and applauding – and 45 minutes later I was sitting in a hotel room on my own, in my pants, eating a sandwich.

Héctor That’s so far from what people imagine! They probably think you’re hanging around with 20 beautiful girls.

Romesh I’m in my pants, watching Netflix. If I’m close enough to go home and see my family, it’s great. But mostly, I’m stuck in a hotel room on my own. It’s such a contrast.

Héctor Where are your parents from?

Romesh Sri Lanka. That country with a great footballing history. Actually, the reason I’m a huge Arsenal fan is because when my dad moved over from Sri Lanka, he lived in north London and fell in love with Arsenal. Then he moved to East Grinstead and bought a pub, which he turned into an Arsenal pub. Dad was militant – nobody was allowed to criticise Arsenal players. One time we were sitting in the pub, watching Arsenal v Man United. The pub was absolutely rammed. We lost 4-2 and Dad was furious. He switched off the pub TV, turned to the punters and said: “Everybody. Fuck off.”

Héctor Oh my days! That’s so funny, man. Has he still got the pub?

Romesh My dad passed away a few years ago. My brother and I tried to run it, but it turns out that we don’t know how.

Héctor Sorry about your dad.

Romesh Thanks, man. I wanted to ask, how do you feel about fans asking for a photo? I imagine that you can’t go anywhere.

Héctor Lately, I’ve developed anxiety about crowded places. I don’t want to say no to anyone because I’ve been a football fan. But sometimes you’ve lost a game and you’re relaxing with your friends or family, and people ask for a photo as you’re eating. Most people are respectful, though. I’m not a guy who goes around with security. I’ll go for a coffee by myself. Sometimes I get on the tube and no one notices me. I feel like saying: “Hey! I’m Héctor!” I’m joking, but it is weird how you can be invisible and then not.

Romesh Just before I came up here to meet you, I was having a vape in the alleyway. This guy came up to me and said: “Everyone is going to be so amazed I got a photo with you.” As we were posing, he asked, without a hint of embarrassment: “Sorry, what’s your name?”

Héctor That happens to me, too! Sometimes people think I’m [former Arsenal defender] Nacho Monreal. “Hey, Nacho, you were so consistent last season!” I’m thinking, yes, he was. I’m not going to correct them. Hopefully, at some point, they’ll show a mate their great photo of Monreal and their mate will point out it’s me.

Romesh Are you tempted to walk around with headphones on, like you do when you’re getting off the team bus before a game? By the way, do people keep their headphones on in the changing room?

Héctor No, but one of the players always chooses the music. At the moment, it’s Rob Holding. He’s got great taste. If we lose, he might play some sad songs, an R&B jam or something.

Romesh When my dad passed away, his brother – my uncle – came over from Australia. He came up to my brother and me on the day of the funeral and said: “Rom, I’ve got some songs that remind me of your dad. I was wondering if we could play them during the funeral.’ It became clear that my uncle had listened to the chorus of all these sad R&B songs, but not the verses. The chorus had lyrics like: “I really miss you.” OK, fine. But then it’d move on to: “I really miss the touch of your body.” All these sexual lyrics.

Héctor Stop it!

Romesh: ‘I bet you couldn’t have been a vegan footballer a decade ago.’ Photograph: Ben Quinton/The Guardian

Romesh I didn’t know how to tell him that they weren’t remotely appropriate. He was standing there, waiting to be given the thumbs-up.

Héctor I like the kind of dark humour that offends other people. I love [US comedian] Anthony Jeselnik. I watched comedy as a kid, too. In fact, I was really good at doing comedy at school.

Romesh No way!

Héctor Yes! This teacher asked everyone in the class to prepare a standup routine. There was a really good standup in Spain called Toni Moog, and I decided to write out his routine and spend two hours memorising it – I’ve got a photographic memory. The next day, I stood up in class and recited the whole thing. Everyone was laughing. After that, my family asked me to do my standup every time there was a big family event. I don’t think I could do it in English, though.

Do you remember your worst-received joke? When no one in the room laughed and you thought: “What have I done?”

Romesh I was hosting a gig in Leicester and, for some reason, they loved every comedian apart from me. I was announcing acts, so I went on at the beginning. I was shit. I brought on an act who smashed it. I introduced another act. I was shit. That act smashed it. There was no way I could blame the audience; I was clearly doing something inherently wrong. Near the end, I said: “Oh god, I hate this.” And a member of the audience shouted out: “Why don’t you just fuck off then?” So I said: “I think I will. Ladies and gentlemen, goodnight!”

Héctor At least if I have a bad game, I’ve got the whole team around me. But you’re there on your own, with everyone looking at you.

Romesh Do you recognise when someone else is having a bad game?

Héctor We all train together, so we know what everyone is capable of. Everyone knows when they’ve had a crap game; they don’t need the crowd or anyone else to remind them. Football is way more positive these days and you are given amazing support.

Romesh It’s that thing again, of football changing so much in the last five, 10 years. I bet you couldn’t have been a vegan footballer a decade ago.

Héctor Are you vegan, too?

Romesh Yeah, since about 2012. It was hard back then, man.

Héctor I started in 2016. It’s much easier now.

Romesh When I first started, I’d go to a service station or a hotel after a gig and I couldn’t eat anything apart from chips.

Héctor When I became vegan, I don’t think there were many footballers who didn’t eat meat. But I was watching stuff on Netflix about how animals are treated and the damage we are doing to the planet by eating so much meat. I started a plant-based diet for a couple of months before I told my mum; the Spanish diet is all jamón and meat or seafood paella. When I told her, she said: “What are you talking about? How will you have the energy to play?” But the doctor said: “Héctor, I haven’t seen a blood test this good in 15 years.” He thought I must have been taking omega 3, but I don’t take supplements.

Romesh We may both be vegan, but I eat like shit.

Héctor Vegan junk food is good!

Romesh True. As you can see, I’m not an elite athlete, or any kind of athlete. But in fact being vegan stops me from eating even more junk.

Héctor I’m suddenly very hungry. Oh shit, Ricky Gervais is on soon. How is it so late? I didn’t bring a change of clothes. I’m going to have to go to the gig in a tracksuit. There’s no dress code in the theatre, is there?

Romesh Yes.

Héctor Oh man…

Romesh I’m joking.

• This is an edited extract from A Game Of Two Halves: Famous Football Fans Meet Their Heroes by Amy Raphael (Allen & Unwin, £14.99). To order a copy for £13.19, go to guardianbookshop.com. A percentage of proceeds goes to support UNHCR’s work with refugees, unhcr.org/football.

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