Player 4 Theory

Cool and New Web Comic is a story about “4 kids habv play a game to make a unaverse and some other thigns hapen too.” Naturally, we all assumed at first that this would be the B1 kids from Homestuck, or at least their corrupted forms, but this is clearly false, as Dabe is out. Instead we now have Jhon Ebgret, Rose Lalonde, Hecka Jef, and someone else.

o has been taunting us for a while about player 4′s real identity. This is very abnormal to say the least, even by CaNWC standards, as we are now three acts in and we still don’t know who our fourth main character even is. He’s been able to get away with this thanks to the unique Sburb system he’s introduced into CaNWC. Jhon Ebgret was able to join seemingly without a server player at all using the “RollerCoaster Tycoon mode” of Sburb, and player four is likely to join by some equally contrived method.

This leaves several possible candidates for our new mysterious character. I’ve held off on making this theory until we have more solid information, and that… hasn’t changed. We still have very little.

So here it is.

Germy / The Big Man

Jhon, Rose, and Hecka Jef were all created through the process of ectobiology, so it would make sense for player 4 to have been created in a similar way. /u/MaidofMemes created a family tree to demonstrate these characters relations, shown above.

Of these possibilities, only one group doesn’t have a player, the far left. If we eliminate Femorafreack, Dadd, and Obana as ancestors, that leaves us with Germy and Big Man.

Both of these candidates face some problems though.

Germy prototyped himself and became Hecka Jef’s sprite, so he is less likely to be a player now. Granted, Aradia prototyped herself, so there’s nothing against the rules for players doing this, although she did it for her own kernelsprite.

Still, Germy seems to be fairly dedicated to his duty as a sprite, and certainly isn’t taking any initiative to abandon this and become a player, and now that he’s been prototytped with WQ and Fresh Jimmy, it seems even less likely.



The Big Man works as a candidate, but the problem is he doesn’t seem to be in the session itself. What happened to Big Man is actually quite the mystery. As a baby, he went through the same defense portal as Dabe’s Bro and Swet Bro’s Momi, which should make him an adult and therefore not one of the four kids. Considering Hecka Jef is a fan of him as an athlete, this is almost certainly still the case. Although, if he is now hundreds of years into the earth’s future, he’s no doubt done some time traveling, so it’s possible he’s still a kid. However, now that he’s missing his right leg, this is certainly after his basketball career. Big Man is more likely to be involved in Caliborn’s story, considering his missing right leg and his connection with Lil Cal.

Each candidate also faces the problem of not being female. Although not an official stated rule of Sburb, every session in Homestuck seen so far appears to try to maintain an equal number of male and female players. The A1 and A2 troll session have 6 males and 6 females , the B1 and B2 kids sessions had 2 males and 2 females, and the Cherub session had 1 male and 1 female.

On the other hand, if Sburb is really focused on “balance” in general, Germy or Big Man might be picked so we would have two characters from Homestuck and two from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

It is also not necessary that Player 4 have been created through ectobiology. Caliborn and Calliope were created through the natural cherub reproduction process, being born from an egg. It’s therefore entirely possible that Player 4 was not created by Dadd at all.

Swet Bro’s Momi

We know very little about Swet Bro’s Momi, even whether that’s the official name we’re going with, so she stands as a possibility. Like Germy and Big Man, she would work as a second SBaHJ character to balance out the player list, but would also work as the second female player.

The fact that she’s an ancestor instead of a descendant is a fairly strong point against her, but the entire ectobiology process for Hecka Jef is pretty messed up to begin with.

BEAUTIFUL WONAN

I don’t know. Why not.

Jaed

Jade was of course the player 4 of Homestuck, so she seems like a natural choice. She would also work as the second female player, but her role as the crucial space player has been replaced by Rose. Now that she’s Quen of Prostit, she’s also got a solid role in the story. She’s likely to keep this position for a little while longer, at least until Blapck Quen or Germysprit comes to take it.

Swet Bro

Death is usually just a minor, temporary inconvenience in Homestuck. Swet Bro actually has a fairly close parallel position to Jhon. It’s unclear how Jhon became a member of this 4 player session with a server player. Likely it’s either because he (1) connected to Rose before and disconnected, or (2) he started playing within the session. If it’s the former, then Swet Bro would be the logical candidate, as he was going to play with Hecka Jef. If it’s the latter, he’s out of luck. All the more so now that both sprites have been fully prototyped. His death is probably too important a plot point to simply overturn like that too.

Kanaya Maryam / Caliborn

The reasons for and against Kanaya should be immediately obvious. She would balance out the gender ratio, and will certainly be working with Rose from here on. The fact that she’s not only not human though, but already a member of an entirely different session is a solid argument against her. CaNWC has opened the doors for lots of different characters, as should be obvious by now, so Kanaya might not be entirely dismissed on these grounds, but it would be very awkward to say the least.

Caliborn similarly would be very hard to get in. From the look of the Felt, he is going to be normal too (assuming he is still Lord English), but who can say how that will affect his motives. Would he actually enjoy living in Homosuck? We’ll have to see.

At this point we could basically just start guessing every single character that exists. Germy seems like the one who at least fits the pattern of everyone else the most, but even the best case then is fairly strange. Seeing as how it’s being teased, it’s almost certainly going to be some huge unexpected twist though, maybe even some character that hasn’t been properly introduced yet.

the squirrel… has his game

Okay, that’s enough.