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Our world is filled with absolute truths. Examples? Death is inevitable. The sun rises in the east, and sets in the west. If you stick your bare hand in fire, you will be burned. 2 + 2 = 4.

Nancy Grace is the devil.

But among the most absolute of them all, is that a man will do anything to get a blowjob. Sometimes it might require driving hundreds of miles, other times putting up with evil in-laws… But every so often it requires a man to write an impromptu persuasive essay at the drop of a hat, with a strong thesis statement and extremely credible cited sources as to why it’s beneficial to both parties. Which this guy below did. Quite merrily.