Illustration by KAL

REAL reporting is easy. Making the news up is much harder. So the weekly editorial meeting at the Onion, a spoof newspaper based in New York, is intense. One writer clutches a human skull. Another wields a threatening stick. Yet another walks in late, looking scruffy and eating a chocolate cereal bar. Alert readers would recognise him as the cover model for a feature in 2006 on “Heterosexual Men's Fashion”.

Someone hands round a list of 124 bogus headlines, all written in the sombre style of the New York Times. After two hours of raucous banter, the list is winnowed to a dozen. At a second meeting, the chosen headlines are fleshed out and writers are assigned to turn them into stories. Recent gems include “Detroit Mayor Throws First Brick in Glass-Breaking Ceremony for New Slum” and “Hero Woman Changes in Front of Open Window”. Alas, Lexington is not at liberty to disclose next week's fake news. But the headlines that were scrapped are not bad. An opinion piece by Barack Obama, for example, is entitled “Should You Ever Feel Despair, Simply Remember How Eloquent I Am”.

The real Mr Obama baffles other comedians. David Letterman, a talk-show host, describes him as “cogent, eloquent, and in complete command of the issues” and sighs: “What the hell am I supposed to do with that?” The new president is “not fat, not cheating on his wife, not stupid, not angry and not a phoney”, complains Bill Maher, another small-screen joker. Chris Rock, a stand-up comic, likens Mr Obama to Brad Pitt. “There's no Brad Pitt jokes,” he told CNN. “You know, what are you going to say? ‘Ooh, you used to have sex with Jennifer Aniston. Now you have sex with Angelina Jolie. You're such a loser'.”

At the White House correspondents' dinner this month, Mr Obama was the guest of honour. The traditional task of roasting him fell to Wanda Sykes, a comedienne. Visibly star-struck, she ignored the crowd and addressed herself to the president, who was sitting nearby. She teased him for looking handsome with his shirt off, and saved her venom for his critics. Of Rush Limbaugh, a conservative talk-radio star, she said: “I hope his kidneys fail.” On hearing her routine, Christopher Hitchens, a polemicist, remarked that “when comedians flatter the president, they become court jesters, and the country becomes a banana republic.”

Mr Obama himself can be pretty amusing. His speechwriters are skilful and he delivers punchlines with a certain deadpan panache. Discussing his plans for his second 100 days in office, for example, he promised to “design, build and open a library dedicated to my first 100 days”, and to “strongly consider losing my cool”. One can't help noticing that when Mr Obama mocks himself, he mocks himself for being super-human.

Conservative satirists would love to toss some kryptonite at him, but he is a slippery target. His race makes some cautious, for a start. And anti-Obama jokes on the internet are pathetic. Most sound bitter rather than witty. For example: “Why did Barack Obama cross the road? Answer: To help the other side.” Conservative cartoonists are struggling to pierce Mr Obama's armour. Sometimes the best they can do is to suggest that, in time, he will not look so impressive. For example, Scott Stantis, a cartoonist for the Birmingham News of Alabama, drew a picture of a big ugly monster labelled “The blame” inching towards the desk in the Oval Office. “Is that thing getting closer?” asks Mr Obama.

Liberal satirists feel they ought to goad the powerful, but it no longer comes naturally now that George Bush has buzzed back to Texas. Sometimes they mock Mr Obama for not quite living up to their colossal expectations. Jon Stewart, a satirical television pundit, ribs the new president for failing to distinguish himself from Mr Bush as quickly and completely as Mr Stewart would like him to. For example, Mr Obama has not yet stopped the armed forces from discharging soldiers—including Arabic-speakers—for being gay. So it was OK to waterboard a terrorist over 80 times, fumed Mr Stewart, but not OK that the soldier who could actually understand him should have a boyfriend.

Black Man gets Worst Job

The writers of the Onion are unencumbered by any obvious party loyalty. To fit in, you have to hate everything around you, muses Joe Randazzo, the editor. Hence the headline that greeted Mr Obama's election victory: “Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job”. The Onion News Network, an online video venture, did a segment entitled “Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters to Realise How Empty Their Lives Are”. The camera showed pitiful young campaign volunteers lying comatose on a couch or wandering aimlessly through a park. “Who will take care of these people?” asked the anchor. “We really don't know. Many have already driven away their friends and family with months of endless praise for Obama's latest speech and constant reminders to vote,” said the breathless correspondent on the scene. “That does sound annoying,” said the anchor.

The Onion lampooned previous presidents, of course. No prizes for guessing who inspired the headline “New President Feels Nation's Pain, Breasts”, or who regaled dinner guests with an impromptu oration on Virgil's minor works. What sets the Onion apart, however, is that Mr Obama has not blunted its barbs at all. On the contrary, the way more serious journalists fawn over the new president offers an irresistible target. “Media Having Trouble Finding Right Angle on Obama's Double Homicide”, the Onion reported last month. “‘I know there's a story in there somewhere',” said the editor of Newsweek, after Mr Obama brutally murdered a suburban couple. The Onion is better at spotting good yarns, which is why, despite the recession, it is prospering. The main threats it faces are that its staff might grow up—or that the earnest papers it parodies may go out of business.