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The Sacred Orders of Geek Spawned from the union of yesterday's memes and obsessive technophiles, the mythical empire of Geekdom has been steadily expanding for decades, evolving and diversifying at each turn. Though hailing from different territories of geek, each new variety marches under the same banner. Check out some of the diverse inhabitants of Geektopia and see where you fit in. Das Ubergeek The one geek to rule them all

Has multiple Linux builds on multiple hard drive partitions

Fluently codes in 5+ languages while listening to recordings of Neil deGrasse Tyson breathing Apple Fanboy Geek Uses the word "intuitive" as often as possible

Doesn't technically know what a megahertz is, but waxes notalgic for all 300 his bright-orange iBook boasted

Though unemployed, can be spotted wandering around the Apple Store helping customers Chic Geek Paired oxfords with shorts before seeing it on The Satorialist

Knows the chefs by name at top-rated restaurants

Has never set foot in an Old Navy Cosplay Geek Flashes battleaxe / cleavage in every photo

Will have you know that anime is more than "just tentacle porn"

Can be spotted downing Redbulls after pulling an all-nighter putting the finishing touches on a codpiece Star Wars Geek Knows that the 12 parsecs of Han Solo's Kessel Run are a distance, not time, measurement

Owns an old VHS cassette of Return of the Jedi with suspiciously worn out sections of tape due to excessive rewinding and resuming

At war with Trekkie Geeks Trekkie Geek Knows over 10 ways to say "honor" in Klingon

Only consumes "hard" science fiction, none of that "soft" drivel

At war with Star Wars Geeks Pop Culture Geek Knew about Britney Spears' divorce before even she did

Has applied to The Real World for five consecutive years

Knows the entire history of the Kardashian dynasty Sports Geek Owns a baseball card collection more impressive than any 13 year old boy's

Though not physically able to play sports, destroys his alpha male counterpoints every fantasy season

Knows what beer pairs best with each professional sports league Film Geek Knew who Jim Jarmusch was before Coffee and Cigarettes

Won't permit the eating of food during screenings

Will tell anyone who'll listen that "3D is destroying film's artistry" Encyclopedia Geek Spends upwards of two hours every day browsing random Wikipedia articles

Kills conversations daily with phrases like "That reminds me of Ibn Battuta's 14th century exploration of Galata"

Thinks Jeopardy! is too mainstream Music Geek Knows the difference between math rock and mathcore

Scours online auctions for obscure 70's ambient electronica vinyls

Claims to possess a vial of spit from Donald Fagen's saxophone Gamer Geek Shouts "+1 mana" after every chugged Mountain Dew Code Red

Thinks Final Fantasy VII is the greatest story ever told

Plays DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball for the "physics engine" Gadget Geek Likes any device that can be described as "modular"

Brings a solar powered shower camping

Subscribes to Popular Mechanics and shops at The Sharper Image Comic Book Geek Claims to have once touched a copy of Action Comics No. 1

Knows the entire history and mythology of the Marvel and DC universes

Can accurately predict the outcome of any hypothetical battle between any two superheroes Craft Geek Calls televisions "picture boxes"

Can knit from zero to bivouac in 6.8 seconds

Is on a first-name basis with the staff at Jo-Ann Fabrics and Home Depot Internet Geek Identifies with either 4chan or Reddit, but never Digg

Takes an unhealthy amount of pride in discovering new content before anyone else

Reads infographics aboug geeks



