PRETEND Steampunk weapons are less effective than fists, a fight has revealed.

While attending the Whitby Goth Weekend, steampunk lifestyle person Julian Cook received a beating in a pub despite being armed with a laser blunderbuss and a Gatling-gun duelling pistol.”

Cook said: ”Some friends and I were drinking in a pub while dressed as adventurers from a quasi-Victorian alternate reality. In retrospect that was our first mistake, but anyway.

”I was getting some crisps when this hard-looking bloke came over and said ‘Who the fuck are you supposed to be?’

When I explained I was Sir Phileas Phogg, inventor of the coal-powered aerial dreadnought, he replied ’No you’re not, youre a fucking twat.’

“I unholstered my laser blunderbuss, casting a glance over at some nearby girls before coolly replying, ‘Dear Sir, I think ‘Dreadnought’ here might have the last word in this altercation.’

“However I had temporarily forgotten the gun was part of my massive world of pretend and thus completely non-functional.

“The aggressive man then removed my cyber-monocle and stamped on it, before punching me in the face.

“The beating continued for some time, with my friends reluctant to help because they are not really Her Majesty’s League of Fantastical Adventurers but people who work in an office.”

Cook was not seriously hurt in the attack, due to his assailant frequently pausing to laugh at his top hat, welders goggles and fake steam-powered prosthetic arm.