Trump Orders Playboy Bunnies to Hide Eggs on White House Lawn

Mar 30, 2018

The Easter Egg Roll is an annual White House tradition that attracts lucky children from all over the United States.

Last year's event featured an egg roll, egg hunt, music stage, reading nook, egg dyeing, cookie decorating, card-making for troops, an art wall, costumed characters (including the Easter Bunny, Cat In The Hat, Elmo, Peppa Pig, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Zootopia and others), USTA tennis, D.C. United soccer, bocce ball, and many picture taking opportunities.

This year’s event will feature Playboy Bunnies in various states of undress bending over slowly and sensually to hide dripping wet colored eggs for the children and their parents to find. Some eggs will even be tucked underneath the bunnies' Easter lingerie costumes. One bunny winked and suggested, “I’m not going to tell you where I hid it, but I suggest you google 'Jade Egg.'”

It’s a hot ticket. The entire Republican base is turning out to celebrate Easter this year. Nobody wants to miss it. There's even a special section where they pass out free Tic Tacs and let you grab bunnies by their tails and kiss them without their consent.

Not everyone is pleased. As the far right Christian base celebrates this more pagan interpretation of Easter, and all its sexual rites of fertility in the name of Jesus, the left has been left scratching their heads, wondering, “Wait a second. Aren't we supposed to be the heathens?”

“The kids are going to love it,” said The Donald. “Afterwards we’re filming our own furry porn in the Oval Office. Time to fluffer.”

Tune in this Easter Sunday for a live stream from the South Lawn.