Manager of the year Tony Pulis isn't standing still. He's going to take it up a notch at Crystal Palace next season, by purchasing European football's hottest striker, Connor Wickham. He's also going back to Stoke City for Steven N'Zonzi.

Manager of the year Brendan Rodgers isn't standing still. He's going to take it up a notch at Liverpool next season, by purchasing Adam Lallana for £20m, and annoying both Manchester United and Chelsea in the process.

European football's hottest striker, Luis Suárez, is a £70m target for Real Madrid. He's also a £100m target for Real Madrid. Both rumours can't be correct.

European football's hottest left-back, Ashley Cole, so impressive on his comeback to the Chelsea first team recently and a rumoured target for Liverpool, will be rewarded with a new contract at Stamford Bridge.

European football's hottest teenager, Adnan Januzaj, is off to Paris Saint-Germain, who have two things Po' Manchester United can't offer, as they've been jiggered by capitalism: Champions League football and money.

Manager of the year Roberto Martínez isn't standing still. He's going to take it up a notch at Everton next season, by going on a six-player purchasing spree, with European football in mind. Joe Allen of that lot over the park, and former charge Joleon Lescott represent one third of his masterplan.

And manager of the year Diego Simeone isn't standing still. He's going to take it up a notch at Atlético Madrid next season, firstly by staying there, then by purchasing Olivier Giroud to replace the outgoing Diego Costa, who is off to Chelsea, managed by manager of the year José Mourinho.