HL Mencken famously said that you’ll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. I would like to tweak that formulation: neither will you go broke being a traditionally liberal constituency – LGBT, nonwhite, a woman – who’s willing to trash talk liberals or to say feminists, Black Lives Matter and LGBT activists are the real oppressors. If any of you disaffected liberals out there need an emergency plan, have the right “minority” bona fides and a burning desire to sell your soul, the far-right hordes could be your new gravy train.

Leslie Jones's Twitter abuse is a deliberate campaign of hate | Ijeoma Oluo Read more

Witness the current status of gay, rightwing provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos, who has been permanently suspended from Twitter after ordering his thousands of followers to bombard comedian Leslie Jones with racist harassment this week. The Breitbart scribe has made a name for himself over the last few years by positioning himself as a strident anti-feminist who travels from one university campus to another hoping to draw attention to himself by stirring up as much controversy as he can.

Yiannopoulos has made personal obnoxiousness his brand. His shtick is ultimately a form of conservative performance art. Much like so-called “hipster racist” and Vice magazine founder Gavin McInnes, Yiannopoulos is repackaging and repurposing centuries-old racist, patriarchal dogma as something rebellious, edgy and new.

But his Twitter suspension is likely the only consequence of his actions that Yiannopoulos will face, however. As we’ve seen with dozens of previously disgraced conservative media figures, there will always be a book deal waiting, a think tank sinecure, a website hungry for anti-liberal content. You literally can never lose your job on the right. You just get hired by Fox News. Yiannopoulos will likely have a sympathy gig within the week.

He – like Andrew Sullivan, Ann Coulter, Matt Drudge and former congressman Allen West before him – knows he has hit the mother lode in spite of the fact that he’s punching far above his intellectual weight. The online horde of anti-feminist, pro-white rage addicts doesn’t care if your writing is prolix, embarrassingly overwrought and sophomoric, or even if you get other people to write it for you.

Fans of resentment-driven politics have a bottomless appetite for content that fuels their throbbing hatred of uppity liberals. Yiannopoulos has merely made the same calculation that Fox News made 20 years ago: If you monetize that hate and keep feeding the beast, you’ll never run out of checks to cash.

That’s why, if nothing else works out and I’m still scrabbling for freelance checks in a few years when I turn 50, I’m going to resort to My Conservative Reinvention Backup Plan. I will thoroughly disavow liberalism and declare that “political correctness” is the greatest known threat to mankind, far more menacing and urgent than climate change, economic collapse and ideologically driven violence.

I will openly worship thin-skinned white bullies like William F Buckley and Donald Trump. I will deride feminists as totalitarian ideological Maoists and say that black Americans would have it better if they’d pull up their pants and get off welfare. And then I’ll sit back and let those sweet, sweet hate dollars pour into my bank account.

Liberals, I will say, are the real anti-gay bigots, and I will recite a long string of incidents – even if I have to invent them – that pushed me away from my suffocating, statist embrace of liberalism and into the bold, individualist ranks of the alt-right.

I joke, of course. I couldn’t even type those last few paragraphs without shuddering. And I’m pretty sure the ghost of my activist, feminist mom would return from the other side and make my house into the set of Poltergeist if I tried anything even close to that.

Sans backup financial plan, I’ll console myself with the spectacle of a bunch of alt-right #FreeMilo supporters keening and wailing that Twitter showing their hero the door is an example of homophobia, clumsily engaging in identity politics by pretending they give a damn about LGBT rights. This, just before they turn around and condemn gay marriage or trans existence again.