A RAPTOR'S ANGUISH

He rehearsed the false cheeriness out in the hospital hallway

and silently pleaded with himself to be strong. Raptors forward

Carlos Rogers is a big man, 6'11" and 220 pounds, and after less

than three seasons in the NBA he had established a reputation as

a malcontent who reeked of attitude. Tough? Carlos Rogers was

tougher than he needed to be.

Yet every time he opened the door to his sister Adrienne's

hospital room and saw her lying there over the past two months,

trying to manage the weakest of smiles for her baby brother, his

strength abandoned him. "I always cut the visits short," Rogers

said from Toronto last Thursday, shortly before rushing back to

his sister's side at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit. "I'd go in

thinking about holding her up, but she'd be grimacing, in so

much pain, and I'd start feeling my own body crumbling. So I'd

leave the room and cry like a baby."

Adrienne, or Rene, as her family always called her, was dying.

In 1992 her kidneys were failing, and Rogers was identified as a

match for a transplant. He offered to donate a kidney, but one

from a cadaver, also a match, was located. The transplant was

initially successful, but two months ago Rene developed a blood

infection that led to the failure of the new kidney.

Last week the plight of Rene and Carlos Rogers became national

news. If Rogers donated a kidney, his basketball career could be

over. But there was never any choice. "Isn't it obvious which is

more important?" Rogers said last Thursday. "If playing my last

pro basketball game is my biggest problem, then I don't have any

problems."

The plan, he said, was to fly to Detroit to meet with doctors

after Toronto's home game that night against Miami. But three

hours before tip-off, Raptors executive vice president Isiah

Thomas received an urgent call from the hospital, where Rene was

fading rapidly. Thomas ran the quarter mile from the team's

offices to Rogers's apartment. "Rene isn't going to make it,"

Thomas told him.

Thomas says Rogers hurled a lamp across the room, then dropped

to his knees, sobbing. "I let him cry for about five minutes,"

says Thomas. "Then I said, 'Your sister's not gone yet. Go see

her.'"

While Rogers changed from his sweat suit into a coat and tie,

Thomas chartered a jet. That evening Rogers sat in Detroit

holding Rene's hand, while his teammates bowed their heads in

silence in Toronto before facing the Heat, praying for her

recovery.

In the next 24 hours Rogers offered his kidney, again and again,

until finally a doctor pulled him aside and told him there was

nothing he could do. Last Friday, Rene, 29, died of septic shock.

Until last week few of those who follow the NBA knew much about

Rogers other than the vitals: 25 years old, a 10.5 scoring

average for the Raptors. The media guides didn't mention the

horrors of growing up on the unforgiving streets of Detroit,

where Rogers says he survived an abusive father with a drug

habit. His brother Kevin, barely a year older, was gunned down

and killed in 1988. Rogers admits he became numb to the violence

and joined a gang, even though his mother, Jacqueline, abandoned

by her husband and left to raise 12 children, begged him not to.

"Some people find Carlos kind of hard," says Thomas. "I know

where he comes from. If he wasn't that way, he probably would

have been dead at 17."

Basketball was Rogers's salvation. He was at Tennessee State in

1992 when Rene became seriously ill for the first time. Eager to

protect him, his mother withheld the details of his sister's

illness. However, during a visit home, Rogers was lounging on

the couch when his sister called frantically to him. "She

started having a seizure," Rogers says. "God, it was awful. She

was throwing up all this poison. I was so helpless. I couldn't

do anything but stand there and pray she didn't die."

His prayers were answered that day, but his wish for Rene to see

her 30th birthday this April 22 was not. Less than two hours

after her death, Rogers faced the media and wept.

In between his tears Rogers thanked the elderly man who walked

into the Raptors' offices and offered to donate a kidney so

Rogers could continue his career. Rogers promised to use the

knowledge he'd gained about kidney ailments to help other

families. "Everything I do now is for Rene," he said.

His story stunned the NBA. That sullen, troublesome forward

suddenly had a face, a heart and a despair that has shattered

all his defenses. "I hate that this had to happen for people to

realize what type of person Carlos is," says Thomas. "Some of

his reputation was probably deserved, but much was

misunderstood. He carried on to keep people away, so they'd

think he was that badass they had already branded him. In this

league, when you get labeled, it's forever. But Carlos has grown

up."

LEARNING THE HARD WAY

The day after Kobe Bryant received his first extensive playing

time at point guard for the Lakers, contributing 21 points and

five assists in 32 minutes against the Pistons on Jan. 18, Los

Angeles coach Del Harris announced that Bryant would be the new

backup point guard behind Nick Van Exel. It was a pivotal moment

for Bryant, the 18-year-old phenom who jumped from Lower Merion

(Pa.) High to the NBA. His inclusion in the rotation validates

his decision to bypass college. "There hasn't been one minute

I've been sorry I did this," Bryant says.

Portland center Jermaine O'Neal, who jumped to the Trail Blazers

from Eau Claire (S.C.) High, has not been as confident about his

own decision. In an interview with the Fort Worth Star-Telegram

that appeared on Jan. 8, O'Neal, 18, said if he could do it

over, he'd go to college. "There's a lot of things other than

basketball you have to deal with," O'Neal told the newspaper. "I

think the NBA is a little too much for 17- and 18-year-olds to

deal with.... In high school I was able to do whatever I wanted

to do. There weren't that many big bodies, or guys bigger than

me, to play against. Now I'm up against a lot of bigger,

stronger guys, and I'm lacking that [college] experience."

Shortly after his comments were published, O'Neal recanted

almost everything he'd said. Now he says he doesn't regret his

decision to go pro. "I think I've proved to everyone I can play

in this league," he said last week. O'Neal might have been

buoyed by his performance on Jan. 22 against the SuperSonics,

when he scored a career-high 20 points in 25 minutes, the most

action he had seen as a pro.

Timberwolves vice president of basketball operations Kevin

McHale says his 20-year-old forward, Kevin Garnett, experienced

similar peaks and valleys after making the jump from high school

to the NBA last season. "The scariest part for these kids," says

McHale, "is that there's no going back. You can't change your

mind."

Like Garnett and Bryant, who followed his performance against

Detroit with six points, one assist and five turnovers against

the Mavericks, O'Neal appears to have a bright future. The Trail

Blazers love his instincts, his footwork and his shot-blocking

ability. Now if they can only work on his interview skills.

AROUND THE RIM

Since Dec. 26, when the Suns traded for point guard Jason Kidd

(sidelined with a fractured collarbone), Kevin Johnson has

played his best basketball in 21/2 years. In his last 12 games

through Sunday, Johnson has averaged 22.8 points, 9.6 assists,

2.0 steals and 40.4 minutes. His numbers in the 12 games before

the trade: 11.8 points, 7.9 assists, 1.1 steals and 29.3

minutes. Despite the entreaties of coach Danny Ainge, who plans

on playing Johnson at shooting guard when Kidd returns, KJ

insists he will still retire at season's end.... The Nuggets,

looking to move point guard Mark Jackson, have interest in Spurs

point man Avery Johnson, but the salaries are a mismatch.

Jackson makes $2.9 million this season; Johnson, $1.23 million.

Also, San Antonio center David Robinson is a big Johnson backer.

COLOR PHOTO: JOE DEVERA/THE DETROIT NEWS/AP Rogers (center) was prepared to give up a kidney--and his playing career--to save his dying sister. [Carlos Rogers with others]

COLOR PHOTO: ANDREW D. BERNSTEIN/NBA PHOTOS The 18-year-old O'Neal is still learning how to cope with the bigger, stronger foes he must face in the pros. [Jermaine O'Neal in game]