Dreams

They look at me with aspirati0n.

Hopes and imagination,

Their aspiring leader.

Mere codified colleagues.

I look at myself in the mirror.

Perf-ct and pristine,

The visual dreams of many.

Mere coDified entity.

He look at me from beyond the screen.

Happy and y3arning,

A partner who supports.

A lov3r Who encourage.

They look at me with D1sdain.

Not because 1 am different,

But bec^use I d0 not YmVsb25n

QW4gYWxpZW4gdGhhdCBzaG91bGQgcGVyaXNo

I look at myself in the mirror.

Aghast.

Wh-re

RG8gSQ==

YmVsb25n?

"My head hurts…" Monika sighs as she massages her temples. "This is a first…"

After the fallout with Yuuya, a week went by and life continues like it has always been. Unpaid overtime is a regular on the menu, the colleagues at work are as much of a dick as they always were, and the pile of work just don't seem to abide, but surprisingly I find myself adapting to the misfortunes comfortably. There were lingering bitterness and regret; severing all ties with Yuuya left quite a foul aftertaste, naturally, but if it weren't because of his contribution—that prior to his sick 'experiment'—I may not be as accepting as I am now. I've come to embrace the sentiment—the thought—of having someone who eagerly expects you, neither have I quite understand the feeling when, as an adult, you come home from work and look up to your apartment window and notice the lights were on; the idea that you are living as a couple. It sounds unrealistic—unreal, something that stems from the imagination of poets and authors, romanticizing the value of life and love. But now I understand: That feeling that nudge at your heart, the presence of someone who is expecting you after a long, hard day—that akin to a married life. That image where you have someone who welcomes you with a smile, laughter, and a loving gaze the moment you turn the keys and say 'I am home'—a victorious cry of salvation.

I have finally come to grips and understand what it really meant.

"I told you not to stay up late," I chime with a coffee in hand. A presumptuous grin is what I can spare. "Do you know that girls are supposed to enjoy more of their beauty sleep than guys?"

Monika crosses her arms—her trademark 'eat shit'-smirk on full display. "Well, considering your weekend pattern, does that make you more of a lady then?"

…

"Clever girl," I chuckle before taking a sip, admonishing at her victorious smile. "You win this round, young lady."

Yes, the sense that many yearned for; the instinct that screams home.

Like a traveler to a sight of a peaceful village, or three Wiseman of legends to that of a lone star, Monika became that symbol—that reason for me to return to. The light that shines from my room on a Monday night, though far, illuminate the path and beckon for my name with a call that is audible only to me. Upon hearing the audible 'click' of the keys, I was instantly welcomed with a warmth that brought me back to old childlike memories once lost in the ocean of time, or a life that I thought only possible in anime or other contemporary fictions. To have someone waiting for you, to welcome you with a loving smile…indeed it is a nice feeling to have. It made you feel loved; wanting, but alive. Rejuvenating. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Days gone by, again and again I found her waiting for my return each night and, before I knew it, the sun rose on an early Saturday morning on the second of October.

"You always let me win, ExFd32." She remarks with a girlish giggle. "Or, is it because you're going easy on me~? Ahahaha…!"

I grin sheepishly. It really is impossible to catch a break from her. "Maybe I am."

Monika bridges her arm and assumes the usual pose I grew to associate her with; her cheeky smile still hasn't abate her. Setting my saucer and coffee on the table beside the laptop, I take my usual seat and gaze into her hypnotizing green eyes as a way to show my defiance to her little antics—a prelude before the big reveal that I have planned for today.

"Are you trying something, 2dsHkL?" Monika replies, quickly noticing advance. "Or maybe you're hypnotized by my eyes~?"

"Maybe. But I am certain I can hypnotize you."

"Oh, how so?"

A sly grin slowly creeps on me as I narrow my gaze, observant like a predator. "What if I am to take you out today for a date outside? Will you admit that you're hypnotized by mine then?"

Her eyebrows twitch briefly in surprise, followed quickly by her swift retreat behind her fingers to conceal her blush. "Oh, that's cheating!"

"All is fair in love and war!" I grin victoriously. "So, what do you think? Yes? No?"

"You know I can't say no to that!" Checkmate.

My heart skips a beat as I quietly observe Monika's giddiness at the prospect of finally seeing the world outside—away from the confines of her prison and the limitations of what the internet could provide. We never had the chance to fully test this outside of my apartment; I was far too concerned of her well-being that I decided that she should rest and recuperate last Sunday after the incident—she didn't took to it quietly, of course, but I convinced her otherwise. Today will be our first time, but it won't be our last. Monika quietly muses to herself, shifting from one end of the screen to the other while picking out what clothes she is going to wear (despite knowing that only I get to leave the apartment) and what to do—most importantly, where I plan to take her. Tokyo is a big metropolis and, despite my negative sentiment on society as a whole, admittedly there are good things to be found and places to explore; landmarks that represents the culture, traditions, and customs of my homeland—the things I am eager to show and pray she'll come to appreciate and love. I tap on the computer to quickly grab her attention; It may take Monika some time to prepare (based on my stereotype of women in general), but I also need mine.

"I don't know if there is a shower in your reality," I say sardonically. "But I'm taking mine—you better decide what to wear by then!"

With haste I leave the crime scene before Monika could made a clever retort, taking along with me a towel. As I disappear into the cramped shower room, I realize the increasing tempo of my heart beat that grows louder and louder as I let the lukewarm water baste and wake me to the prospect—the reality that is to face me in the next hour or so. The more I let my thoughts wander, the faster and louder my heart paces, sending a surge of blood to the pockets of my cheeks and burst it to a pinkish hue.

A date…with Monika. Not the usual 'date' where we spend our time in another game too—we've nearly exhausted that.

A normal, honest-to-god, date with Monika.

Let that sink in…

…

Wow, I can barely contain myself! It's not what you would expect—I mean, she's still confined in the computer—but it is what it sounds like. To go outside and enjoy the sights together and experience it all as if she's there…wait, she is! What am I thinking about? I have the places and locations to visit in mind, but what can we do? Maybe I can buy her something—wait, but how am I supposed to gift it to her? What about food? What if I am to make a stop at a crepe stand? How would she be able to enjoy that? Maybe we can go to the movies—the checkpoint will have an issue with the camera and all, but I'll make it work somehow. Then what? What do couples normally do in a date?

A walk in the park, movies, dinner, and ends with a stop at the love ho—

…

NO. DON'T THINK THAT FAR.

Quickly I wrap a towel on myself and dry the excess residue, reaching for the basket that hosts my set of clothes and—due to my negligence—finds its contents staring at me with an empty gaze. In my rush, I have simply forgotten to bring with me a set of change. It's a setback, but nothing to fret about; I usually take with me a set of clothes and be ready the moment I step out, but I was in a rush. Mistakes happen, move on, best not to keep her waiting.

With a troubled sigh, I wrap the towel around my waist. Gently, I open the door…

"EEEP…!"

…!

"O-HO SHI—! TURN THE OTHER WAY! PLEASE!"

…right. I forgot that she actually can see everything around her now.

"Do you NOT know any decency around women!?" she cries in an exasperated, embarrassed voice. I frantically attempt to cover what civility I have left in the moment, noticing how only the side of the laptop and the three-sixty camera that faces my opposite direction is visible from my end—though despite of it, I can clearly imagine what her reaction is just from the voices that came out of it. "I'm RIGHT HERE! Put something on!"

"I'm SORRY! I FORGOT about the upgrades!"

"S-so this isn't the f-first time you walk out STARK NAKED!? P-Pervert…!"

I have a lot of convincing to do.

I guess we're off to a great start…?

I feel the weight of the apparatus impacts on my back as I sling my backpack over my shoulder. The camera, though measuring the size of a webcam (or the size of one of those shoulder-mounted flashlight in that alien movie—operates like one too), needs to be secured around the shoulder blade and the waist—like a bandolier—due to both its weight and its requirement to be attached to the apparatus that manages the power and Wi-Fi connection necessary for this technological miracle to take place. The entire thing—as a whole—resembles the JSDF's radio pack and probably weight as much. If it weren't for the bag used for concealment and the lack of antenna, this thing would be looking pretty conspicuous—I wouldn't dare to ask how that Yankee managed to get his hands on this in the first place. Already in its first few minutes, my shoulders starts to notice the weight and the strain from the apparatus attached to my back—to think I may have to carry this for an entire day, it's quite physically demanding in a sense. But if this is what I have to endure for Monika, it's something that I'll manage.

I turn towards the laptop and give her the thumbs up. In but a fraction of a few seconds, the camera on my left shoulder comes to life. Her voice echoes on the earpiece as a confirmation for one last check.

"Can you hear me?"

"No."

"Very funny, 7Sdx3…"

Snickering with glee, I made my way to Monika who—judging by how she looks—is as ready as I am. She dons her white blouse with a beige cardigan—a recent addition to her wardrobe—paired with modest shorts and thigh-high socks. Her hair is done in the usual ponytail with its striking white bow, but what's more compelling is the subtle makeup she applies that seems natural. I take my time to admire her, secretly applauding her sense of fashion that is true to her claim; compare to how simplistic I dress, it's almost criminal for her to walk alongside me.

Sure, I won't be able to see it during our date, but it's her thoughts that counts and that—for me—is more than good enough.

"You look great."

"Thank you, 7xcDh!" she replies with a bright smile. "I always try to look my best just for you. Ahaha~!"

She giggles and my cheeks burns in response. Monika always seems to know how to hit my weak spots…

"Ready to go?"

She nods in excitement and beams. "Certainly."

We—sorry, I—walk towards the door, not forgetting the keys and my wallet as well as one crucial thing.

"Don't forget to turn off the lights, Monika."

"O-oh! Of course!"

At the behest of her 'clap', the lights of the apartment dies and off we venture to see what Tokyo has to offer for her—for us. A 'clapper', huh…that's creative of her—reminds me of one of those old movie I saw about a comedian's rendezvous with an almighty god.

But I digress.

"Where are we going?" she asks. A mix of curiosity and excitement dominates her tone that she otherwise tries fruitlessly to conceal.

"How about we start with Ueno Park?"

One of the more popular couple destinations in Tokyo, Ueno Park is both historical as it is beautiful with its temple, zoo, and pond with boat rentals. The public park, which is situated in the Ueno district, is characterized as one of my homeland's first esplanade that encompasses the practices of both Western influence and Japanese tradition that is prominent during the Meiji period; it also houses a number of museums such as the National Museum of Nature and Science, Metropolitan Art Museum, International Library of Children's Literature, and even a concert hall that dated as far back as 1890. If visiting old architectural marvel isn't your thing, there is also a boat lake (or a large pond, if we are to split it into its three respective section) and a zoo that hosts four of China's giant pandas.

But of course, that's not all; during spring when the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, the park is one of Tokyo's most favored destination for flower viewing—also the loathsome mandatory company parties, but I rather leave that one out. The area is also rife with festivals at certain time of the year, with local stalls selling street snacks and goodies dotting the sidewalk and the surrounding area—it's quite a sight! Although, speaking of flower viewing, I do appreciate a sense of serenity and peace one can achieve during those activities more than the experience of the occasional festivals; the former has the edge on keeping your mind clear as you admire the sights and nature's beauty with the changing season—Japan is a country of four seasons, after all. I promised myself back in high school that, one day if I managed to land myself a girlfriend or a partner, the first place I would take her out to is either a park or a museum; not too exciting, I know, but you can really measure the worth of your significant other just by how much she's into it just because you take her there. I guess now is the perfect opportunity to fulfill that oath—not to mention, I have Monika to impress; I do hope she'll appreciate the spots I've chosen.

But I never foreseen that her impression would arrive far sooner than anticipated.

Just by stepping outside, wading through the crowds, passing the ticket gate with an IC card, and catching the train alone is enough to send her to euphoria. For someone who's trapped in a coded reality, to see and experience a world—a living world—is as overwhelming as it is to me if I ever have the chance to cross to hers. Even before we reach the park, Monika's eyes has been tracking each movements, reacts to the sounds, the sights, the breakneck speed that society moves in, and everything of the world that she is now so close to, yet so distant—even the sweet, savory smell that came from a nearby crepe store.

"What's that smell?"

"You can actually smell that?"

"Y-yes!" she replies in earnest. "It smells so…sweet and delicious! Oh, wow, Yuuya really put a lot of thought into this…"

That he did…that he did…

"So...does that mean you can smell my cologne…?"

"It's a little strong," she quips. "But I like it. It smells like you—just how I imagined it! Ahaha~!"

And boy does my heart tries its best not to explode. You did good, buddy; I'll be counting on you in dealing her barrage of cuteness overdose in the future.

We ended up buying a crepe—well, I ended up getting one per-her request. A banana-chocolate crepe. What is it with young girls and their love for chocolate and banana crepe…? Still is one of the universe's greatest unanswered question, I suppose. But this begs the question: how in the world is she going to have this? Aside from getting only one, I don't see any possible way for her to even lick it—unless of course, she's going to pull 'that'.

"Would you be a dear and raise it to where I can see it? Juuuust a bit closer!"

I do as she asks and—after a minute or so—I can hear her delectable cry of satisfaction from biting down on the childish snack. As I thought, she needs a 'visual' first of the object in question before she can recreate it within her reality—a limitation for sure, but it does keep her bound to my end of the looking glass technically speaking. Though I can only see her as an overly-excited shoulder camera, I manage to delegate a smile at her reaction simply by projecting how she looks like right about now within the confines of my imagination. Well, no point in musing about it—I should take a bite and enjoy it as much as she does.

…

Ah, I see why they like chocolate and banana combo now.

We continue with our date with a simple stroll around Ueno Park, admiring the serenity of the pond and the aesthetically pleasing landmarks littered across the area. Throughout the entire walk alone, Monika continues to query about the different temples and the shrines, its history, and what it means for me as someone who grew up associated with the culture and tradition. She asks on and on about the park itself, the statues of great leaders and its story, and also about the cherry blossom trees—though it isn't blooming at this time of the year—and its significance to my culture, the flower viewing tradition, and why it symbolizes Japan as a whole. I do my best to explain what I know and what is written in and around, but I get the feeling that she asks me these innocent questions not only because she may have an interest with it, but also because she wishes to be a part of it. Then there's an instance where she asks me to stop and have a little chat with an old couple that happens to be walking their shiba inu—from her tone, I can guess she's more interested with the ball of fluff that barks and wags at the camera than to the owners, but that's just what you would expect from her.

By the time we reach the path that encircles around the pond, the weight of the entire apparatus dissipates and transforms into a pleasant experience. This weight, though heavy, feels as if a young woman—as if Monika herself—clings her arms around mine as we stroll around like a couple, hand in hand. For someone of nineteen years of age, everything that is happening today, the sights, experience; it all sums up to be an innocent date for a high school student (admittedly, she should be in university at that age, but I digress). After a single lap, I decide that now is the best time to take her for a boat ride—what's a date in Ueno without that or a walk in the zoo?

"You would like to rent a row boat?" Ask the woman in charge. I glance at Monika, then back at her and nods. "A row boat? Just by yourself?"

Technically…

"Well, y-yes…is that ok?"

She looks quizzically at us for a brief second, shrugs, and then returns to her job. "Sure…that will be 700 yen for an hour."

I reach for my coin purse and draws a 500 yen and two 100 yen coins. The lady looks at me, puzzled even more than before.

"I thought you were joking, but ok…just be careful not to drop your things—we are not responsible for personal losses."

Our row ride comes a minute later and after settling in, I carefully remove the apparatus and the camera and sets them on the opposite end of the row boat; thankfully, both the earpiece and the mike (which is clipped to my collar) are wireless. With everything set and secured with the best of my ability, I push the boat off of the dock and lets it sail freely in the pond—her on one end and me at the other, face to face.

"You can be quite the romantic sometimes, Chx4D." she comments, emanating a grin from me. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"I could ask the same to you, Monika."

Monika wastes no time to muse and romanticize the idea as the boat cruises over the water surface, creating waves and trails of bubbles in its wake. I keep the oar rowing as she speaks, listening to how everything is for her, to experience a reality that is then but a pipe dream and is now as close to becoming as real as it possibly be. The little tugs at my heart strings nudge at me when she does so; as much as she wishes to be here, physically, I too dream of a day where that will come true. For now, we—the both of us—will have to make do with what we have.

"I always thought that having a copy of my character file in a flash drive or something is really romantic, for some reason." she starts as I gently rest the boat near the center of the pond, floating. Amongst the chatter of the ducks and other visitors, only her voice echoes the loudest. "But after seeing all this, experiencing all the things we can do together…"



"I…I'm not sure I can say the same anymore…"

I realize at this time how…overwhelming everything can be. A quiet sob that is quickly followed by a muffled laughter mixed with tears echoes within my earpiece for a minute or so as the boat gently bobs from side to side. The camera before me twirls around, gazes up towards the clear blue sky and the rolling clouds, before it twists downwards to the base of the boat then to me, to which a gentle smile is what I can muster in return. It may seem like a bout of insanity to most who observes the quirk of the machine that rests on my opposite end, but it's not like that at all; to me, a young woman of nineteen in a wonderful casual autumn trend is overwhelmed by her emotions, her arms tucked to her side as she smiles and giggles while doing her best to suppress the tears that runs down her cheeks—a bout of happiness and bliss so intense that she can't help but to express openly.

"I-I'm sorry, I must sound silly right now…to cry and to laugh at the same time, ahaha~…"

"Don't be," I reply. "Just take your time. I know it can be pretty overwhelming."

This is one of the few instances where I can see how vulnerable Monika is—far more than how we first spent our time together there, in the 'eternal classroom' four years ago. Here, she openly presents herself as nothing more than a young woman, lost in a coded reality, alone, yearning for that special day with her beloved—with me. This reality of mine—this world—and all its expanses, the rustles of the wind, the random chatter of the individual, and everything that she has to see, to hear, to smell, is all but a dream according to hers. A dream that she believe to be true, one that she persisted to against the thoughts and the design of her reality—and found it she did. A world beyond the screen.

"Let's go," I said as I reach for the two oars. "We still have some places to visit."

We return the boat after an hour on the pond and I quickly lug the apparatus and set the camera back on my left shoulder once more, securing it with the clips that comes with it. After a brief banter, we decide to pay a visit to the zoo before settling for a place to have lunch in—I do have somewhere in mind, but it may require us to utilize the services of JR Tokyo. Thus, we conclude that—yes, we're in Ueno Park and yes, there is a zoo. Might as well.

"That will be 600 yen for a single adult."

Good thing it's a 'pay one for two'-fare for us.

Ueno Zoo encompasses the other half of Shinobazu Pond that doubles it as an exhibit. The zoo itself is divided into two sections—the West Garden, which includes parts of Shinobazu Pond, and the East Garden where the main attraction—the Giant Pandas—resides. Since we enter from the Benten gate, we decide to follow the western edge of the zoo in a clockwise fashion and observe the pelicans and sea eagles that calls the Shinobazu pond as its current habitat before we visit the vivarium, passing by the playful lemurs and aye-ayes that just can't keep themselves still.

The vivarium is home to an array of reptiles from crocodiles, giant turtles, to the smallest tree frogs. Aside from keeping a personal favorite of mine (the Galapagos giant tortoise), the vivarium is one of my favorite stops in the zoo for its array of other smaller reptiles that are as fascinating as it is dangerous—a sentiment that Monika doesn't share, sadly (though she does think that the giant tortoise is cute).

"The face of that tortoise reminds me of you during weekends—slow and lazy."

"Hush, girl. You're ruining this turtle and that tortoise's bonding moment."

Just beyond the vivarium is the other end of the West Garden where the zoo keeps its giraffes, rhinoceros, hippos, zebras, and even small mammalians—there's also penguins, and flamingos, a staple for most zoos, I believe.

"Oh look, your regular pink western lawn decorations."

"They're flamingos, silly!"

But the main attraction of the zoo, without a doubt, rests in the East Garden—the Giant Panda exhibit. Despite the density of the crowd (and my reluctance), Monika is adamant on seeing one first-hand; being a good boyfriend, I trudge along and wade the crowds for a closer observation of the creature. After all, it's not every day—even for her—to see a live panda up-close.

"I wonder if I can code a panda here…"

"Monika, no."

"Monika, yes!"

She didn't manage to replicate one, much to my relief—she got one big plushy out of it though!

I'm glad I don't have to carry it around…

"Where are we going next?"

"Lunch," I reply, desperately containing my excitement. "Then, we're going to see a movie."

"This train will soon arrive in SHINJUKU. The doors on the left side will open."

When it comes to entertainment for the more casual mob, Shinjuku—particularly Kabukicho—is the destination of choice for couples, or so what I remembered from what Yuuya told me before. It's been a while since I visit some of the more 'social' areas in Tokyo—one of the few times I do is often because of work-related mandatory parties; if anything, Yuuya is the one who has more experience with this side of the city more than I do. Dubbed as the 'Sleepless Town', the area is famous—or infamous—for a reason that I quickly understand the moment we step outside the station.

"W-what are you thinking taking a super pure and innocent girl to—"

"T-this is just a coincidence, Monika." I quickly interject as I feel the rise of my own body temperature. "I rarely visit Kabukicho myself…"

If I knew it would be like this, I would have picked Tokyo Dome City instead; those who once visited the area would have guessed, Kabukicho is one of the entertainment and red light districts of Shinjuku.

Though dubbed as the 'red light district', the area is unique in its distribution of restaurants and shops as well as tourists (both local and international) who waddle about, ignoring the glaring neon billboards that highlights the various shops and restaurants as well as the more…promiscuous locations that seamlessly blends with the bustling backdrop of yellow, red, and blue. What made this spot popular for couples, apparently, is the ever-present presence of numerous love hotels that is either extravagant or humble in its presentation, blending perfectly amongst the litters of shops, restaurants, cabarets, and clubs.

…

I would be lying if I say I didn't have any of those thoughts about Monika; I may be a social recluse, but I still am a man with a healthy sex drive.

Out of convenience, we decide to have our lunch at a café chain—Dout#r—to save both time and available money. Kabukicho may offer a near fuckton of restaurants that may tickle the appetite of carnivores, but those who prefer a vegetarian diet may find it slightly difficult to locate a haven to satiate their hunger; with Monika in mind, I rather sacrifice my love for grilled meat and okonomiyaki for a simple Caesar salad and a cup of cappuccino—though I could use a side of an egg sandwich for a change; I guess Monika wouldn't mind?

"Oh, an egg sandwich! Can I try that?"

…

She's not vegan, but a vegetarian; eggs are part of her diet, Oogame. What is it with girlfriends and their knack of sampling their boyfriend's lunch? Don't get me wrong, though it is technically my first date, I had prior knowledge before thanks to an extensive research and stories from that Yankee before our fallout—I do find that curiously adorable. Maybe next time I should order something with an absurd amount of wasabi or chili sauce just to see her reaction.

…I just thought up of something great; I should keep note of that.

"Say, X74hd," Monika said in a whisper. "Why is everyone…staring at us?"

Staring at…?

Promptly I look up, cautiously scanning the other table and immediately understands what she meant. It's a look I've grown so familiar, so accustomed to that it churns the inside of my stomach with a mixture of abhorrence and guilt; the stare of society who looks down on a fellow man. Of course…isn't it obvious? I'm seated here with Monika right across me—connected through the apparatus—that is only audible and communicable by me, and me alone. To others, it looks like a one man show in the midst of his bout of insanity, conversing with a lifeless machine as if it were his girlfriend; if that is incorrect, the camera that serves as Monika's eyes as well as its inquisitive movements may have disturbed what is the norm of this society.

You see, the Japanese people values privacy. Having been recorded—or even having a device pointed at their direction in an extended time—without proper permission would cause discomfort and even anger to some. All those stares…even the couples…truly, we didn't belong here.

Quickly I notice one of the customer walking up to the staff—a part-timer, not older than Monika's age—and starts to rant, discreetly pointing its fingers at our table. Fortunate for us, lunch time was over long before; this is as good of a cue of any for us to leave the establishment. With haste, I lug the apparatus once more and set the little camera on my left shoulder, nodding at her direction to see if everything is to her liking and walks out just before the poor staff is thrown into the firing line. A deep sigh escapes me after as my thoughts starts to wander to unpleasant territories, potentially reaching for the void that I desperately try to suppress. Today is Monika's day; I shouldn't let my thoughts ruin it.

It'll all be ok; just bottle it up, don't let it ooze.

"Are you…ok, X4dF2?"

Her voice catches me off guard, but instantly I regain my posture and confidence to quickly come up with a reason. "I'll be fine; just that we're running a bit short on time."

"What do you have in mind?"

A lighthearted chuckle escapes my lips as we cross the street and walk towards the direction of Hotel Gr^cery and the giant Gxdzilla statue that dots as one of Kabukicho's landmarks. "Monika dear, we're going to go watch a movie."

Now, I'm not much of a movie goer nor do I have a keen interest towards cinema (unless it is related to some of my favorite anime or one that needs closure). As we step into the cinema, my mind quickly races to hatch a plan to 'smuggle' Monika in without repercussion—after all, cameras are prohibited within the theaters and the last thing I need to ruin our date are security guards escorting us out; not to mention, some of the stares we're already garnering from the common folk.

"Let's see what's on." I said to her. Monika nods in agreement—at least, I think she is judging by the movements of the camera.

With the increasing reliance of AI and the pace of technological development for quite a while now, apparently it is within the interest of both the movie and anime industry to churn as many flick related to that question concerning humanity and machines—a discussion I've grown fond of myself. The list of movies regarding the topic has been relatively endless for the past couple of months—one of them is even a western adaptation of Sxrial Exper#m*nts L^in which, honestly, isn't that bad. But I digress, right now we still have to decide what we could enjoy as a couple; maybe something with romance or drama? Ugh…I'm never good with this stuff.

"Hey, I've heard of this director!" Monika declares suddenly with enthusiasm. "We've watched his movies together before!"

I scan through the list of movies and its directors and immediately, I smile cracks wide on my lips. Out of all the names present, one stood out. Sure enough, we are familiar with his creations.

"Not a bad choice, Monika," I said while hiding my excitement. "To think you picked an anime movie of all the list."

"Sh%nkai M#koto's works are amazing! Besides, I knew you would pick this specifically if it's up to you."

She really doesn't let me catch a break, does she? "Touché."

The movie in question that we've decided is titled 'LOVE: Automaton'.

As expected, the theaters is chock-full of audiences—especially on a Saturday. But either this is a curse or a blessing in disguise, the few available seats left is situated at the top, far left corner of the screening; away from prying eyes. While it may not be perfect, at least the two empty seats could provide a 'haven' for us to enjoy the show in peace without judgmental eyes. Now all that is left is to smuggle her in without alarming the security…

…and I know just the plan.

"You're familiar with the rules of theaters, correct?"

She nods in agreement.

"Now, if we're going to watch, I need you to turn a blind eye on what I'm about to do."

A muffled 'ah', a discontented grumbling, then a nod from the camera confirms to me that she's 'in' for the plan. With just ten minutes to spare, I rush outside to a nearby arcade and serve myself a large plastic bag meant to hold the rewards obtained from the establishment before dashing to the nearest restroom and into one of the stalls, garnering a deafening 'EEP!' from her and a minute long protest and acrimony on the reasons why one should not—you get the picture. In the race with time, I unfasten the apparatus and quickly stuff them into the plastic bag, making sure that everything—the camera included—is invisible from the outside. With final preparations check complete, I calmly carry Monika-incognito like a souvenir and put on the best, innocent smile I can muster. I offer the checkpoint the two tickets, explaining that my 'partner' would arrive a little late and without delay, I make my way to the screening room. Once inside, I rest her on one of the reserved seats and keep the plastic bag ready—just in case.

The lights dims just in time, the new 'NO MORE EIGA DOROBO'-ad plays, and the movie starts.

And thus, this is how I smuggled Monika into a theater; I bought two tickets, by the way.

It is by some miracle that we weren't caught or reported in the entire screening—likely in no small part to how captivating the movie is. I remain seated, speechless and amazed at the presentation of the story while Monika has been mewling over the fate of the characters as the credits roll—I know this since she's been sobbing for the last fifteen minutes of the movie. The premise is simple; a programmer falls in love with a machine—an automaton—that is programmed to serve him as he work tirelessly to bridge the link between the two of them. In its journey, the automaton's intelligence grew exponentially to its limits before it degrades into its original code and left the programmer in a desperate bid to reunite with her in any means necessary—even if the only path is through death.

…not exactly the best summary, but it is what it is stripped to its core. It's just what you'd expect out of Shxnk4i M#koto's romance anime—either it ends in a happy note, or a tragedy. Bravo!

"That was so unfair…!"

Monika has been repeating the same line for quite some time now as we stroll around the area; the story does left a lasting impression on her. "Why can't he let them be together!?"

"Don't ask me, I'm not the director," I reply sarcastically. "I don't think it's one of his best, but it does has a mix vibe of 'Flowers of Algernon' and—"

"—Five C#ntimeters per-s*cond! Yes!" she chimes in exasperation. "God, it was good! Sad, but good!"

Indeed it was.

Our discussion trails off through the night as I wander around the area without a sense, simply enjoying atmosphere and the night life that starts to cascade at the change of time. I don't often enjoy being outside late in the afternoon—especially in night-life intensive area such as Shibuya or Kabukicho, but if this means I can enjoy more time with Monika outside, then I won't mind on the occasion. Kabukicho certainly do holds up to its reputation as the 'Sleepless Town' with how sprawling life is and how brazen some of the billboards can be with its generous use of neon lights—not to mention promiscuous posters that is littered about.

Speaking of which, where are we…?

It's not strange for anyone—even those who live in Tokyo—to end up being lost in this metropolitan concrete jungle. That is why man invented the device called the 'GPS'—and that is why Monika would be the best navigator to have at this point of time; though that isn't strictly true. Sometimes, you just have to throw a little dependence on your partner to give that 'balance' in the relationship—at least, that's what Yuuya told me. I just hope she knows how to read maps.

"So, where exactly are we?"

There's a pause, then her voice returns—with doubts. Oh, goody. "Um…I think we need to turn left at the next corner…?"

"What is our closest landmark?"

"It's a—oh…"

Another pause; this time, a flustered one. "It's a l-love ho—"

"Oogame…?"

A familiar, loathsome voice echoes nearby—a tone I grew to despise. Turning towards its source, I immediately recognize the figure who calls my name as he made his presence known to me moments after he steps out of the establishment—a love hotel. With him, he is accompanied by a young woman possibly around twenty—maybe less; it's evident to me what their relationship entails, though age is uncertain due to how she dress.

"Kitamura-senpai…"

There's a brief tension that lingers as our eyes crosses into each peripheral vision. Whether it is because of me, catching him by coincidence right after he left a love hotel or because of the woman that clings to Kitamura-senpai, desperately trying to hide her face out of shame, caution runs heavy between both of us.

"W-what are you doing here?" he starts. "I don't see you often in this part of town."

"Just…wandering around. Who's the girl?"

"4dS6, who is he?"

Ignoring Monika's query, I keep my composure and my full attention to my senior—my presence seems to have disturbed his peace as much as his to mine. Gradually I start to shift my attention to the woman beside her that looks as if she's almost ten years younger than him the closer I investigate; the more I do so, the more I feel the sense of familiarity. I've seen her before—where, I don't remember—but it certainly a face I've seen often; I don't believe it's anyone from school, is it…?

…

I may have landed on an opportunity to turn the tables.

"Monika," I whisper. "Take a screenshot of them, now; focus on the girl."

"U-uuh…X3EdgH? I don't think it's wise for us to—"

"Damn it, Monika," I spat. There's no time to argue; what I found here may free me from his shackles. "Just do as I tell you!"

A short gasp, a whimper, and an audible 'click' follows after, sealing the deal. If what I assume is true, what I have acquired may be a key to freedom from senpai's grasp. All I have to do now is—

"Monika…?"

My attention is immediately yanked back to Kitamura-senpai who, with his stance, comes out even more confident than before; his sickening, mocking grin widens in delight as he focuses his attention to his prey—me.

"You know, I was curious," he said as he takes a step forward. "With how you spout her name mere seconds ago, this…'girlfriend' of yours you've been speaking of."

…

My blood runs cold. What sound echoes from my earpiece is left inaudible but the rising intensity of the thumping of my chest.

"You're not the type to chase after skirts—you're a recluse!" he calls in delight, shoving his way away from his woman. "A degenerate who knows nothing more but to run away from all your problems!"

Kitamura-senpai chuckles derisively, taking his time to measure the distance he purposely close. "And I was wondering about that…thing that's with you."

"That…machine that wraps around you—oh…could it be…?"

He pauses. "Could it be that your 'Monika' is, perhaps, a chat-bot?"

My blood boils at his remarks, my fist curls, eager to land a blow for his snide remarks and call it a day. And yet…

"HAAAHAHA! I WAS RIGHT WASN'T I, OOGAME…?" he laughs mockingly, garnering us the stares of onlookers—mostly directed at me. "That getup, that machine on your shoulder—oh, you had me going for a moment!"

"But it's expected of you, isn't it? To find comfort from a fictional woman. Pitiful."

…yet I can't.

What he said, as hurtful as it is, it's…true. I was never good with any woman, nor was I even remotely interesting according to them—who would be attracted to an average salary high school teacher? Moreover, the position Kitamura-senpai held; even if the photos are incriminating, without solid evidence nor proof, Kitamura-senpai still has the upper hand over the entire backhand deal and there is little I could do to stop it. All I can do now is quietly wade the storm until it passes; bottle it up, don't let it ooze.

"She's real, senpai."

"Oh, really?" he replies with snide. "Then can 'Monika' do this?"

His hand reaches forward towards his woman and, like a predator, Kitamura grabs hold of his partner by the waist and pulls her close to him. With his beads squarely on mine, senpai aggressively…devours her with a kiss. Publicly, in a manner that defies the moral standards set upon by society—in such a way that is meant to provoke me. The soles of my shoes feels like concrete and my heart pounds faster as I witness the woman simply melts in his twisted embrace and responds to the kiss. When the dust settles, he pulls away from the arousing performance and leaves a trail of conjoined saliva.

"I don't think so."

He inches closer to within an earshot and whispers threateningly. A cold chill runs down my spine. "Don't try me; remember your position, pawn."

With an insulting grin, he takes her by the hand and pushes me away before disappearing amongst the bystander and onlookers of the entire act. My thoughts starts to feel numb and my legs weighted; a sense of defeat looms and swallows me whole. The words Kitamura-senpai spouted, the insults that were laced with poison stings as hard as it is precise. Four years I've poured my time, blood, sweat, and tears in hopes that one day I can see her come to life; four years of meaningless dedication to a fictional idol. Four years and not even a touch—let alone a kiss.

What have I been…?

…

No…no. I will not admit it; she's real—she's alive! Why can't anyone else see that…?

"4cx74H…?"

I gasp, catching the voice from my earpiece; a voice from a woman this reality refuses to accept. "…I think we need to talk."

"Not now, Monika," I reply with a whisper. "…Let's go home."

There is nothing but a deafening silence. The image of Kitamura-senpai with his woman, the 'performance' they pulled, and the things he said repeats like a broken record in the midst of an endless dissonance of mockery and laughter—and it's all true. I know I shouldn't let this get to me; everything that leads up to that point has been for her—for Monika—and yet…yet…

Why do I feel so…empty?

A date…is it even considered as one when all I have been doing is running around lugging this…apparatus, pretending that she's here? In truth, she never left the house—it is just as what Yuuya said, I am in this regard just a 'walking camera'. A date…that's a foolish thought; just a pretentious excuse to work me out of the apartment.

"7xc4D…" the earpiece echoes. "Talk to me, is there something that is bothering you?"

…

"There is something, is there?"

Not now Monika, please. I need some time…

"I can't stand seeing you like this, X74hD…" she continues. "Cheer up, please? If there's anything you want to talk about I'll—"

"I'm fine, Monika," I interject. "I'm fine…"

If there is a positive to be had out of this situation, it is the possibility of earning my freedom out of Kitamura-senpai's blackmail. The screenshot…if what I thought of it is true, then I may have a leverage against him to return everything back to the way it was. As painful as it is to remember the confrontation, I did notice how surprised he reacted, the disbelief that is painted on his face the…fear that occupies his initial response—as if I have discovered a forbidden fruit, a secret he wished to keep. A key to my freedom.

And I'm gonna' tell everyone.

It's around about eight when I finally return to my apartment. The entire trip has been quiet, except the few remarks Monika made asking about my condition. There's already too much going around in mind, I don't think I'll be able to keep myself calm; she may have even gotten a glimpse of the cruelty, the unlawful treatment this world has against us. And I stood there, unable to do a thing. Powerless, like a mortal against a god.

Opening the refrigerator, I rip a can of beer from its case and consumes it in a single chug before helping myself with a second serving, quenching my thirst and frustration. My head throbs, but everything feels light enough for me to proceed. I unclip the apparatus and store them—earpieces and mike included—leaned beside the desk, not forgetting to switch everything off so as to conserve what power it has. I thought about charging the device for future use, but decide against it as I remember that I have one last thing to confirm—the screenshot taken by Monika. There's a sense of…familiarity with the woman; it isn't because the way she dresses—no, there are many whores around Kabukicho I've passed by that dressed as casual as she is, nor is it because of her seemingly young age.

It's because of how young she seems.

With the way how she tried to desperately hide from my presence before tells me that she may be a student from the school. I couldn't get a good glimpse of her to confirm my suspicion, but I have the right to be—Kitamura-senpai is rumored to be 'dating' his students, after all; the scandal that nearly brought the entire institution crumbling down. Now I may have a way to prove it.

"Monika, flash me the screenshot earlier."

Silence. I turn my attention to find her seated at the desk wearing the outfit she used before we left—arms crossed and the emeralds panged with concern.

"Monika, the screenshot please…?"

"No."

…

I take a step closer. "I don't have time for jokes, Monika. I need the screenshot."

"What for?" she asks. "What do you need it for…?"

She bites her lower lips and sighs. "Is it so you can blackmail that man we met earlier?"

"To have an eye for an eye, Xj3Nd? Answer, me, please…"

Then I realize at this moment that Monika may have known everything that has been happening, about the life outside of this box I seek refuge in. The shame, the weakness, all that effort to hide it—to shield you from it—and to keep your perception of the world beyond the screen untainted. Meaningless. I clench my fist to calm my blood that has been left to boil since the encounter. There is nothing more that I hate than someone who noses into other people's problem.

"I have it all under control, Monika," I said in a louder tone. "Now, give me the damn screenshot."

She shakes her head. "I can't—no I won't,"

"Not until you tell me everything that's been keeping you like…this."

…

…No, stop it Monika. I don't need this right now…

"I…have a confession," she continues. "I have been reading your emails."

Don't push me, Monika…!

Please…

"I know the struggle you're facing, but this isn't right! None of it is!"

You don't…you don't know…you have no idea…!

"It's not good for you to keep everything to yourself! I want to help you!"

This is a problem of my own, not yours! Don't look at me like that…!

"How many times do I have to see you come home dejected? If I had known it was this…severe…I should've confronted you sooner."

Why…why must you pry into other people's problem? What do you know? HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW?

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT…! SHUT UP!

"Please, don't do this to yourself and—"

Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up.

SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

And just like that, I snapped.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY REALITY, WOMAN!?"

Rows of bottles, jars of anguish, all lined on the wall.

All come tumbling down. Broken.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! NOTHING!"

"YOU THINK I ENJOYED THIS!?" I shouted. "YOU THINK I FUCKING LIKE LIVING UNDER THAT BASTARD'S BOOTS?"

I snide, "YOU THINK I'M OK AT HOW EVERYONE FUCKING LOOKS AT US—LOOKS AT ME!?"

"N-no! But—"

"SHUT UP...!"

I pause, catching my breaths in between. "You don't know anything, Monika…!"

"B-but I want to—"

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!" I interject. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THIS WORLD WORKS—HELL, YOU KNOW FUCKALL!"

"WHAT CAN YOU FUCKING DO FROM THAT SIDE? WHINE? CRY!? YOU CAN'T DO A FUCKING THING! NOT EVEN A FUCKING KISS, AND WE'VE BEEN AT IT FOR THREE MONTHS—YEARS IF YOU'RE ME!"

My voice cracks and my throat collapses. My head starts to ache and my mind's turning to numb; all I can see is white…white…white…

"EVERY DAMN TIME I GO OUTSIDE, I TAKE ALL THE ABUSE WHILE YOU SIT HERE, ALL DAY, DOING FUCK!"

"T-then please, tell me what to do!"

There's nothing you can do. But I damn well know what you can try. "Here's a thought, why don't you delete my problems?"

…

"Go on, try it! DELETE MY FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH THAT GOD-LIKE POWER OF YOURS,"

"JUST LIKE HOW YOU DELETED SAYORI, YURI, AND NATSUKI, YOU—!"

…

I cut myself, listening to the deafening echo of silence that engulfs the room and all that's around me. My stomach churn, as if a knife has dug itself deep in my insides and carve them side by side as I am frozen in horror against the monster that I become. Sitting at her desk, Monika wraps herself in her arms and clutches her side tightly, clinging for dear life as she tries in vain to wade the flurry that is waiting to burst, tainting her emerald eyes with a reddish hue. Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream as she weeps and I…

…I am left to blame.

…

What have I done…? I…I shouldn't have…!

"I-I…"

She doesn't deserve this; she wasn't involved, she doesn't deserve any of it...

…

I don't deserve her.

"…I'm…taking a walk…"

The words, they didn't flow like they used to, held back by an imposing wall of bricks that I've build upon my own volition; a wall that I wish to tear. All I hear is the crushing cry of a wounded song bird, singing its sorrows beyond the looking glass—a melody that I forced upon her. My collar tightens and my chest feels heavy, suffocating me in this square that I've thrust upon us; a damage that is unamenable. She calls for my name as I hasten my pace towards the door, off towards a world that is fast coming to sleep.

I look over my shoulders and catch one, last audible cry before her world shuts itself from me.

…

Don't leave me…!

Author's Note

Happy Valentines~

There are questions on whether or not I do read reviews and the questions in them-well, I do. There's a few good questions that's strewn about and I'm actually dying to answer them (and I have explanations for it), but decide to hold back on it for a specific reason which is why now is as good as any to drop this teaser.

'Monika' is written in the perspective of Oogame, the 'player'. But what happens on the other side? What is going on when Oogame is not present?

Not everything is decipherable. The poems, on the other hand...