INFJs are one of the hardest of all types to type. The reason for this is because of their ability to blend in with the environment they are in at any given time. This is achieved via their auxiliary function of Fe, which I will call their chameleon function. Astrologically speaking, this Fe function of theirs corresponds to object-oriented Pisces, which would be the latter half of that zodiac sign.

Typically, how this manifests is that an INFJ will be hard to notice. They are hard to see. You could be talking with one and have no idea that you are talking to a person of this type. Because of their chameleon quality, they will embody whatever their delicate gyroscope tells them to embody at any given time. INFJs have a tendency to balance out interactions such that if the person they are talking to is too active, they will take a passive role. If the person they are talking to is too passive, they will take the active role. Like the tides they constantly shift. Their personalities are difficult to peg down. They instinctively resist categorization and so if they sense that they have been carrying on in one mode for too long, they will change it to something else.

Now, this is all true as regards the INFJ’s outer mode of presentation. You will have little idea that this person you are standing next to and perhaps holding a conversation with, is one of the most awe-inspiring and creative geniuses you could perhaps chance to meet. You will not necessarily have an inkling of this until you have glimpsed the INFJ in their natural environment where they rule supreme. Read some of their writings sometime, if you have a chance, which you likely won’t, as INFJs are pretty secretive.

There is a place in every INFJ where they are so removed from this world and its petty miseries, that what you are actually seeing in many of them is a husk of sorts, it is not their true self. Their true self is mostly discovered through their literary or artistic productions. When you get your hands on these, then you will be seeing the true person, and these are some inspired and burning spirits once you see past their ruse of being gently invisible.

You see, INFJs don’t want to be discovered, or at least, they are highly ambivalent about it. They will tack and shift, and throw you off the scent. They are saying, “I dare you to discover me.” They do this because they are very sensitive to being misunderstood. They cannot bear distorted meanings, which is why their works are often concealed from profane eyes and ears. Yes, the whole INFJ existence is bound up in hiding and concealing their true nature. They will reveal it at pivotal moments, when they sense the timing and circumstances are right, but they may never reveal it as much as they would like to, or as much as others would like them to, once they get a taste of the true INFJ nature.

INFJs are in high demand and yet they are often ignored by those that demand them so much. But, until these people that want the INFJ to manifest their true nature can see the INFJ as they are standing there in their shroud, the INFJ will stay concealed. They want to be discovered but they expect you to do the foot work.

Yes, many INFJs, whether they care to admit it or not, see themselves as special people. They know they are rare and they know they have very unique things to offer. The thing is they cannot often find a reason or a motivation for offering them. It is very frustrating to them and it often takes an extreme crisis of one sort or another to get them past this inertia to manifest. They are instinctively nice people and very much hate to have to hurt other people’s feelings. However, they will do so if they feel it is the only way to preserve the true meaning of a situation. INFJs will not lie to themselves. They will lie to others if need be, but to them that is all on the outer plane, which has no great significance to them. It is a matter of expediency and self-protection. They are protecting the self that they have been painstakingly building up since they were young. To them the self is the most sacred thing imaginable.

INFJs are extremely self-centered, though no one around them may have any idea of this, unless they get into some kind of long-term relationship with them. INFJs present as if they were the most sensitive and understanding creatures on god’s green earth, nodding in sympathy with you, making it all about you. You might feel upon meeting one of these melancholic creatures that you have never been so understood and soothed as you were upon talking to them. They make it all about you. They want to know everything about you. They seem so promising as people. “Who is this angel from heaven?”, you might be thinking.

But, this is all pretext with an INFJ. It is not as if they are doing this to be calculating. In the moment, they are genuinely interested in you, and maybe even for quite a while they will continue to be interested. But, there is likely to come a day where all that changes and the INFJ has departed in spirit, and left you with a well-meaning husk of themselves. INFJs seem like some of the most promising people to be in a relationship with, but in practice, they are the least able of all types to be in a long-term relationship. An INFJ is, in essence, a solo type person. Surface appearances will fool you, but that is the general truth about them, especially the men of this type.

An INFJ is usually married to their art or philosophy or whatever their ideal happens to be. They are married to their muse, which usually doesn’t take physical form in the aspect of a flesh-and-blood person. If they decide that you are their muse, then god help you. You better grow wings and speak Angelese. INFJs are very unforgiving of faults in their lovers or spouses. They will make life a hell for their beloved, and yet it all began under the pretext of heaven.

It is very hard for the INFJ to know how this came about. They had the best and most shining of intentions. But, you are dealing with a hard-edged romantic here and it is very difficult for people to live up to their ideal of a perfect relationship. What is more, it is very hard for them to live up to their ideal of a perfect relationship, and they will pull all of hell down on themselves and their supposed beloved in self-punishment for their supposed sins. This is all due to Fi in the id. I talk about Fi in INFJs in another article. Since long-term relationships fall within the purview of Fi, and Fi is a dark and undermining function for INFJs, this is what generally happens over time for an INFJ in relationship.

Now, if you want to have a fling with them, then they are like heaven’s little children in this regard. They make great lovers in relationships which last around 3-6 months. O, you will have so much fun with them if you keep it brief.

INFJs are tortured in one way or another by their longing for the perfect relationship of soulmates and the alternating desire to be dedicated to an art or mission of some sort. In short, they are tortured by whether and when they will find their soulmate and their opposing desire to be monks in one form or another. If they find a person that is their soulmate then they will go into monk mode and eventually alienate them. Once they have alienated this person, then they will switch out of monk mode and back into soulmate mode when their self-imposed cloister is too much for them to bear. If they were INTJs, this wouldn’t be as much a problem. INTJs can be monks or isolated philosophers on remote mountaintops in a more or less perpetual fashion. But, INFJs are people that need people in one way or another. This is because of the Fe that I mentioned earlier. They need people, yet they need solitude, and these alternate back and forth in a rather irritating fashion for them.

Here is what they need to do:

Realize that most people are flawed and very human in one way or another.

The women will try to embody the angelic side of the type and the men will seek the angel in other women. Note to both of them: Angels have transcended human existence and for the most part don’t embody in human form. That just leaves you with flesh-and-blood creatures that go by the name of humans, or for the more scientifically-inclined, homo sapiens. These creatures shit, piss, cheat, hate, have bloody periods, and so on and so forth. The men will often pick some tragic woman that is a hooker or something like that and try to save her because they see the good in her.

Angels have transcended human existence and for the most part don’t embody in human form. That just leaves you with flesh-and-blood creatures that go by the name of humans, or for the more scientifically-inclined, homo sapiens. These creatures shit, piss, cheat, hate, have bloody periods, and so on and so forth. The men will often pick some tragic woman that is a hooker or something like that and try to save her because they see the good in her. If you want to help someone then don’t get into a relationship with them. If you really want to help, then establish boundaries at the outset. If you are a man, say to yourself, “I feel for this poor soul, but I’m not going to help them by getting into a sexual/romantic relationship with them where the chances of me hurting them are much greater than me helping them due to my propensity to punish the beloved for not living up to her full potential as determined by me.” You see how selfish that is, right?

If you want to help your fellow humans, then get a degree in psychology or become a writer. Essentially, become something which doesn’t involve a long and protracted foray into a relationship with you.

Have many relationships that are not soulmate ones. Network. Come out of hiding. Stop waiting for the soulmate that you will trap and take into your secret lair.

Express your damn self. By this, I mean through writing, composing, painting, journaling, dancing, and not through running your tongue over some poor whore’s body. You will only confuse her (talking to the guys).

INFJ women. Stop acting like angels or aliens from another planet. Put away your promising eyes. O, never mind, carry on.

INFJ Function Analysis

Introversion:

The hermit, the monk, the remote philosopher, the self-absorbed artist. Notice how these are all things that require not being around other people. Yes, well, INFJs will insist on the virtues of their solitude. That is, until they realize that they have run out of inspiration and need to get into some dramatic and tragic relationship in order to acquire more material for their deep researches into the human condition.

Introverted Intuition:

Prepare to be amazed and enmazed and dazed and stunned beyond your ability to endure. Yes, INFJs are magic and Ni is responsible. To see into the heart of any matter or being. To know without knowing how you know. To be inspired to the heights of heaven. To see heaven in a wild flower and eternity in an hour. To not know how to do dishes. To ignore all manner of domestic phenomena. To let the world about you crumble back to the dust from whence it came. Yes, all this is the wonder of INFJ introverted intuition.

Extraverted Feeling:

To hopelessly confuse these poor mortals into thinking that you really care about them when in fact you are one of the most selfish and irresponsible beings on the face of the earth. Thank god you are the rarest of all the types. This function also helps INFJs put on the array of masks that will help them disguise their true motive, which is to devour the beloved. However, if they choose to use this function in the service of art, literature, psychology, and the like, they are god’s gift to a suffering and impoverished humanity.

Introverted Thinking:

Yes, I know there is no T in INFJ. Nonetheless, it is very important to INFJs. See how much they love Ti and pull towards its crystal visions any chance they get. Aah, where all is pure and unsullied. Where all is heights and laughter. Where there are no mortal troubles and all phenomena can be categorized and put into a pure and closed system. Watch INFJs fool you into thinking they are an Intuitive Thinking type. And many of them almost are. But, woe betide the INFJ who gets locked into the Tertiary Temptation loop, thereby bypassing their Fe auxiliary function. A rare suffering is in store for them. O, how you were promised heaven, and given hell. Nonetheless, what a ride.

Judgment:

Woe betide those who don’t listen to the INFJ’s subtle conclusions and pronouncements about all manner of varying phenomena. Now it is they who are in for a rare suffering. INFJs are right about 95% of the time when it comes to what other people are thinking, feeling, and likely to do in the future. So, yeah, you might want to listen to them in this regard.

If this article offered a value to you in the understanding of the INFJ type, then consider becoming a STARLING subscriber today. It’s only $6 a month and the price-to-value ratio is insane. I haven’t been called “The INFJ Whisperer” for nothing 🙂

Fe Solution for INFJ series:

INFJ: Fe is Magic

INFJ: Got Flow?

INFJ: What is Fe? Ask Te.

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INFJ vs. ENFJ: Got Introverted Intuition?

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Tertiary Temptation in INFJ

Fi in INFJs

INFJ vs. INFP

INFJ vs. INTJ

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