The 50 Greatest Tecmo Super Bowl Players of All Time

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There are very few things in life The Informer takes more seriously than Tecmo Super Bowl Football for regular Nintendo. So naturally, when The Informer sees someone totally disrespect the game he gets cheesed the f*** off.

And getting cheesed the “F” off is exactly what happened last night.

Here The Informer was just minding his own business getting ready for weekend filled with Natties and foot long Blimpie Bests when he randomly clicked on an article that nearly caused him to start a riot. The article in question was Bleacher Reports “Tecmo Super Bowl’s 32 Greatest Players”. The Informer knows exactly what you are thinking –holy sh*t that has to be the greatest article ever written.

Unfortunately for The Informer, and anyone else who has read the article, it was not the greatest article ever written. In fact, The Informer will go out on a limb and say that it was complete garbage (they got the Top 5 sort of right, but most of the rest of the list was sketchy at best).

Not only was it a damn slide show (seriously do you know one person who has ever said I love reading articles that are in slide show form? If your answer is anything other than hell no, then we can’t be friends anymore), but a third of the people on the list were absolute no names that no one ever played with or cared about.

I mean come on, David Fulcher at #7?

The Informer will go ahead and ask what every Tecmo Super Bowl geek is thinking right now: who in the bluest of blue hells is David freaking Fulcher? And more importantly, who in their right mind would rank him ahead of Thurman Thomas, Jerry Rice, QB Bills etc.?

Needless to say, The Informer has to make this right. That is why today The Informer is going to break out a long over do list ranking the 50 greatest Tecmo Super Bowl Players of all-time.

(The Informer note – The Informer is doing this completely from memory. So if someone is missed, left of the list or ranked too low for your taste; please fill free to berate The Informer on his twitter account @therealinformer or on his wildly successful Facebook page. Jokes, insults and verbal life threats are not only condoned, they are encouraged. I mean for the love of Timus H Tebow, we are talking about Tecmo Super Bowl football. This is serious damn business.)

50. Deion Sanders (CB Atlanta Falcons)

Many people will complain about Deion being too low on this list. And to be fair, ranking “Prime-Time” 50thdoes seem to be doing him an injustice. But in The Informer’s defense, we are talking about regular Nintendo Tecmo Super Bowl, not the Super Nintendo version.

This is an important distinction because on the NES version defensive players were not allowed to return kicks or punts. So while “Neon Deion” was a top 10 player on the SNES version because of his return abilities, on the regular NES he was just a really good cornerback who you could avoid throwing towards, which took away some of his greatness.

Besides, The Informer had to rank Sanders low so that the start of this list would create some controversy, which according to former Eric Bischoff is the easiest way to create cash views.

49. Neil Lomax (QB Phoenix Cardinals)

The Phoenix Cardinals (Yes The Informer said Phoenix, they were not always the Arizona Cardinals) were really bad on this game. But The Informer used to own a Neil Lomax starting lineup so he always tried to play a few games with the Cards because Lomax was one of his favorite real life guys.

And since this is The Informer’s list he is most definitely going to use favoritism and nepotism in deciding who makes the cut and who doesn’t. And as far as The Informer is concerned #49 maybe too low for the greatest Cardinal quarterback to ever wear the #15.

(Editor’s note – It was brought to The Informer’s attention that Neil Lomax was not even on the Tecmo Super Bowl game . . . The Informer apologizes for the mistake . . . Because of old age and one to many grown up orange juices it seems as though The Informer’s mind has started playing tricks on the memory #I swear Lomax was the QB.)

48. Don Majkowski (QB Green Bay Packers)

The “Magic Man” Don Majkowski was Brett Favre before being Brett Favre was cool. Honestly, the only reason The Informer would ever play with the Packers on Tecmo was because of Majkowski. For that reason alone, he has to be on this list.

47. Johnny Bailey (KR Chicago Bears)

Assuming you played legit and didn’t cheat by putting Bo Jackson or Jerry Rice at kick returner (not a wise move by the way, to many injuries happened on the kick off) Johnny Bailey was the second most dangerous kick returner on the game.

And believe it or not, one of The Informer’s many rules in life happens to be that the second best kick returner on Tecmo Super Bowl has to be included on any and all Top 50 lists.

46. Herschel Walker (RB Minnesota Vikings)

If The Informer were using fantasy football terms to describe the Vikings running back, then he would say that Walker would be considered a RB 2. This means he was not one of the first ten guys you would want to play with on the game, but he was right there on the second tier.

Truthfully, if you want to play a video game that shows the greatness of Walker play as the 1980 Georgia Bulldogs on Bill Walsh Football 93. He is a beast on that game.

45. Tom Rathman (FB San Francisco 49ers)

The Informer was always the 49ers, so if this list starts skewing a little San Francisco-y The Informer apologizes. With that said, there was no one on this planet cooler than Tom Rathman so he has to be on this list. Also he gets bonus points because in real life the guy needed two facemasks every game because he would hit people so hard they would always break.

(The Informer note – This is obviously The Informer’s sentimental pick. I mean let’s be fair, no one would call Rathman one of the Top 50 other than a huge homer Rathman fan like The Informer. So if you feel like your sentimental favorite got cheated out of a spot go ahead insert him into the #45 spot. Whether you want Art Monk, Webster Slaughter, Vance Johnson, Fred Barnett, Sterling Sharpe, Vai Sikahema or any other person from the game on this list; consider them #45.)

44. Morten Andersen (K New Orleans Saints)

For you kids out there who don’t know any better, Morten Andersen was the greatest real life kicker in the history of real life kickers. And video game Morten Andersen was even better than that.

In fact, The Informer swears that he once made a 95-yard field goal with Andersen. Sadly, all video evidence was destroyed during one of The Informer’s riots so you are just going to have to take his word for it.

But trust me, the dude had a kicking leg like no other and he has to be included on this list or else this list would be complete garbage.

43. Mark Clayton & Mark Duper (WR Miami Dolphins)

Or as the great Chris Berman used to call them: “The Super Duper Brothers”.

The brothers Mark actually lost a few spots on this list because The Informer never liked Dan Marino (until 1993 when he co-starred in Ace Ventura Pet Detective that is). So that sucks for them. But just like in real life, The Informer can’t completely ignore one of the greatest receiving duos in video game history.

42. Richard Dent (DT Chicago Bears)

41. Mike Singletary (LB Chicago Bears)

Everyone say it with me . . .

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS DA BEARS!!!

The Informer misses Chris Farley.

40. Craig “Ironhead” Heyward (RB New Orleans Saints)

The Informer always hated that late season matchup against the Saints, because for whatever reason (the computer would always cheat and make it harder to win late in the season if you were still undefeated) no one on the 49ers could ever tackle “Ironhead Hayward”.

“Ironhead” may not have been on the Christian Okoye-Bo Jackson level of unstoppableness, but he sure as hell kept The Informer up at night trying to game plan ways to stop him.

39. Ernest Givins (WR Houston Oilers)

True story: Growing up whenever The Informer scored a touchdown playing flag football (which was pretty much anytime the ball was thrown his way) he would do the Ernest Givins “electric slide” touchdown dance.

The Informer has no idea what that story has to do with playing Tecmo Bowl, but it is done and over with so why don’t we pay our respects to #81 for the Oilers and then move on.

38. Willie Gault (WR Los Angeles Raiders)

When The Informer was making this list he kept having “nam-like” flashback memories of the Tecmo Bowl touchdown screen (the one where they show the two teammates high fiving while cool music is playing) with the name Willie Gault flashing at the bottom.

The Informer knows that is a really weird reason for ranking Gault as the 43rd best player, but something had to be done appease The Informer’s mind.

37. Tom Waddle (WR Chicago Bears)

The Informer loves Tom Waddle.

36. Rod Woodson (CB Pittsburgh Steelers)

Just know that The Informer wanted to flip Rod Woodson and Deion Sanders, but at the end of the day that move didn’t create any controversy so Woodson gets ranked 14 spots ahead of Sanders. It is okay though because Woodson was a really great Tecmo Bowl character so even though he is higher than he should be, the spot still feels deserved.

35. Mel Gray (KR Detroit Lions)

Hands down the best kick returner on the game. The Informer remembers to many times playing against his brother (who was always the Lions) and giving up monster 109-yard kick returns because Gray was so damn good.

34. Dan Marino (QB Miami Dolphins)

The Informer does not really have much to say about Dan Marino, other than he is one of the greatest actors in the history of movies #Isotoners.

33. Steve Largent (WR Seattle Seahawks)

There was a point in The Informer’s young life when he was saying things like, “Jerry Rice is good, but I really like Steve Largent.” That is not a joke.

Also, Largent is on this list because he was the only reason a person would say the words, “I’m picking Seattle as my team.”

P.S. – Did you know in real life Largent was the first WR to ever catch 100 touchdown passes? Pretty impressive for a slow white dude playing football in Seattle at the time (contrary to the model franchise they are now, in the early 90s the Seahawks were a laughing stock year in and year out).

32. Ickey Woods (RB Cincinnati Bengals)

If you have never done the “Ickey Shuffle” after busting a 60-yard touchdown run even though the computer picked your play (which means they sent an all out blitz) then you wouldn’t understand why Woods is ranked #32 on this list.

31. Andre Reed (WR Buffalo Bills)

Andre Reed may not be in the real world Hall of Fame (a complete travesty by the way), but in The Informer’s Tecmo Bowl Hall of Fame, Reed is not only in –he made it in on the first ballot.

30. Bobby Humphrey (RB Denver Broncos)

Bobby Humphrey was The Informer’s favorite running back not named Bo or Roger Craig. So obviously he has to be on this list.

29. Neil Smith (DT Kansas City Chiefs)

The poor man’s Bruce Smith.

28. Eric Metcalf (RB/KR Cleveland Browns)

The poor man’s Barry Sanders

27. Seth Joyner (LB Philadelphia Eagles)

The poor man’s Derrick Thomas.

26. Darrell Green (CB Washington Redskins)

The poor man’s Deion Sanders.

25. Steve Atwater (SS Denver Broncos)

The poor man’s Ronnie Lott.

24. Pat Swilling (LB New Orleans Saints)

The poor man’s Lawrence Taylor.

23. Andre Rison (WR Atlanta Falcons)

The poor man’s Jerry Rice

22. Marion Butts (RB San Diego Chargers)

The poor man’s Christian Okoye

21. Marcus Allen (RB Oakland Raiders)

The poor man’s Roger Craig.

20. Phil Simms (QB New York Giants)

The poor man’s Joe Montana.

19. Bruce Smith (DT Bruce Smith)

18. Reggie White (DT Philadelphia Eagles)

These were the two scariest defensive tackles not named Howie Long on the game.

17.Ottis Anderson (RB New York Giants)

Did you guys know that Ottis Anderson was the MVP of Super Bowl XXV? That is a fact. Also a fact, Ottis my man Anderson was a hell of a Tecmo Bowl running back.

16. John Elway (QB Denver Broncos)

15. Warren Moon (QB Houston Oilers)

14. QB Bills (QB Buffalo Bills)

The Informer is giving the nod to QB Bills (Jim Kelly) because at the time he was the best quarterback of the three. And yes, at the time, Warren Moon was a better quarterback than John Elway. These are the facts of the case and they cannot be disputed.

Calm down Broncos fan, by the time he retired Elway had surpassed both Moon and QB Bills in the quarterback hierarchy. But again, we aren’t talking real life, this was 1990 Nintendo life and in that life the list goes QB Bills, Moon and then Elway.

13. Thurman Thomas (RB Buffalo BIls)

Thurman Thomas’ direct snap run is still one of the best video game plays ever. Furthermore, in The Informer’s mind Thomas is hands down one of the greatest video game running backs of all-time.

12. Roger Craig (RB San Francisco 49ers)

In real life Roger Craig was the first running back in NFL history to have 1,000 yards rushing and receiving in the same season. On Tecmo Bowl Roger Craig was the first guy in The Informer’s Tecmo playing history to have 1,000 yards rushing and receiving in the same season.

11. Howie Long (DT Los Angeles Raiders)

The Informer’s two year old daughter has nightmares about Tecmo Bowl Howie Long . . . That is how scary he was to play against.

10. Neal Anderson (RB Chicago Bears)

The Informer would definitely say that Anderson was the fourth best running back on the game. Some would argue Roger Craig, or Thurman Thomas, but those guys had other talented offensive players on their team while Anderson had Tom Waddle and a bunch of nobodies –yet he still dominated.

Also, history forgets this now, but Anderson did such a great job taking over for Walter Payton (Payton was the Bears running back in the original Tecmo Bowl) that The Informer feels he needs to be recognized as one of the 10 best.

9. Joe Montana (QB San Francisco 49ers)

“Cool Joe” was the best traditional quarterback on the game and he played for the best team. Sounds like Top 10 material to me.

8. Christian Okoye (RB Kansas City Chiefs)

Quick question: does anyone know how many f***s the video game “Nigerian Nightmare” gave when he was running? The answer is zero. In the words of former Olympic Gold medalist turned pro wrestling star Kurt Angel, “That is true . . . That is damn true.”

Still don’t believe The Informer, check out this run . . .

7. Derrick Thomas (LB Kansas City Chiefs)

“Ask any Tecmo Bowler . . . Any real Tecmo Bowler . . . And they would tell you that it doesn’t matter if you get the sack by an inch, or a mile . . . A sack is a SACK!!!”

Sorry, The Informer blacked out and thought he was Vin Diesel for a second. The point is there was only one player on the Tecmo Bowl roster better than Derrick Thomas at sacking the QB which makes #58 a sure fire lock for the Top 10.

6. Barry Sanders (RB Detroit Lions)

No explanation needed here, right?

5. Ronnie Lott (SS San Francisco 49ers)

We all agree that Bo Jackson couldn’t be stopped. With that said, whenever The Informer played with Lott against Bo he was able to slow down the super human video game “Tebow” ever so much. Well . . . Going back to The Informer’s life rules: if someone is so good that they can slow down the greatest video game character of all-time, then they have to be recognized in the Top 5.

4. QB Eagles (QB Philadelphia Eagles)

If The Informer could buy one rookie card it would be QB Eagles. He was the most electrifying video game quarterback of all-time.

3. Lawrence Taylor (LB New York Giants)

Lawrence Taylor was a bad man in real life and on Tecmo Bowl. The Informer has never seen a video game player reach the quarterback, or block an extra point, faster than L.T. He was by far the hardest defensive player to beat.

Also he gave us the classic quote, “Gentlemen it brings me to my next point . . . Don’t smoke crack.”

2. Jerry Rice (WR San Francisco 49ers)

The fourth pass where Jerry Rice runs the slant pattern is the most unstoppable play (The Informer said play, not player) on the game. It doesn’t matter if the computer picks your play, or if you have all day to throw; once the ball is released #80 is going to catch it and sprint down the middle of the field for a touchdown.

Truth be told, The Informer really wanted to make Rice the top guy on this countdown, but with the next guy on this list it was just not possible.

1. Bo Jackson (RB Los Angeles Raiders)

Bo Jackson is number one because of this . . .

And this . . .

Don’t forget about this . . .

Wait . . . was that last video real life or Tecmo Bowl? You know what? It doesn’t matter. At the end of the day the point is video Bo Jackson and real life Bo Jackson were both super humans who could do anything they wanted.

And that my friends is why Vincent Edward “Bo” Jackson will always go down in history as the Tecmo Super Bowl GOAT (greatest of all time).