ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR--

"PAY $1,000PROPERTY TAX" !

ISN'T THIS GREAT,YOU GUYS ?

OUR FIRSTFAMILY HOME EVENING.

I WANNA WATCH TV !

WE'RE NOT WATCHING TV,WE'RE MORMONS NOW

AND WE'RE HAVINGFAMILY HOME EVENING !

DAD, DID YOU KNOW THATTHAT JOSEPH SMITH GUY

READ THE BOOK OF MORMONOUT OF A HAT ?

AND ?YOUR TURN, SHARON.

IT'S JUST THAT,

THE BOOK OF MORMON SAYSA LOT OF STRANGE STUFF.

LIKE THAT ADAM AND EVE LIVEDIN JACKSON COUNTY, MISSOURI ?

YES ?

BUT SCHOOL TAUGHT ME THATTHE FIRST MAN AND WOMAN

LIVED IN AFRICA.

WELL, YOU CAN'T BELIEVEEVERYTHING

SCHOOL TELLS YOU, STAN.

YOUR TURN,SHELLEY.

( doorbell rings )

OOH, THAT MUST BETHE HARRISONS !

HEY, EVERYBODY !

WOW, WHATA GREAT HOUSE !

YOU MUST BE MRS. MARSH,IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU !

AND YOU MUST BESTAN'S SISTER !

OH, I THINK YOURBROTHER'S THE GREATEST !

MY BROTHER ISA STUPID TURD.

HEY, STAN !

HEY, GARY.

WELL, COME ON INAND SIT DOWN, EVERYBODY.

YOU'RE HERE JUST IN TIME.

MY SON WAS HAVING A LITTLEPROBLEM WITH OUR NEW RELIGION.

DAD !

OH, REALLY ?

WELL, THAT'S JUST BECAUSEHE HASN'T HEARD

THE BEST PART ABOUTTHE JOSEPH SMITH STORY !

THE ONE THAT PROVESHE WAS FOR REAL !

YEAH !YEAH !

OOH, WHAT'S THAT ?

WELL, YOU REMEMBERMARTIN HARRIS,

THE RICH MANWHO WROTE DOWN

WHAT JOSEPH SMITH READOUT OF THE HAT ?

YEAH.

SEE, AFTER HE WAS DONE,HE TOOK SOME OF THE PAGES

OF WHAT WOULD BECOME THE BOOKOF MORMON HOME !

♪ MARTIN WENT HOMETO HIS WIFE ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM

♪ AND SHOWED HER PAGESFROM THE BOOK OF MORMON ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM

AND SO, JOSEPH SMITHPUT HIS HEAD INTO A HAT

AND READ TO ME WHATTHE GOLDEN PLATES SAID !

I WROTE IT ALL DOWN,

AND WE'RE GONNAPUBLISH IT INTO A BOOK !

MARTIN, HOW DO YOU KNOW HEISN'T JUST MAKING STUFF UP

AND PRETENDING HE'S TRANSLATINGOFF GOLDEN PLATES ?

♪ LUCY HARRISSMART SMART SMART ♪

♪ SMART SMART SMARTSMART SMART ♪

WHY WOULD HEMAKE IT UP ?

♪ MARTIN HARRISDUM DUM DUM ♪

ALL RIGHT, HERE.

I'M GONNA HIDETHESE PAGES.

IF JOSEPH SMITH REALLY ISTRANSLATING OFF OF GOLDEN PLATES

THEN HE'LL BE ABLETO DO IT AGAIN.

BUT IF JOSEPH SMITHIS MAKING IT ALL UP,

THEN THE NEW TRANSLATIONSWILL BE DIFFERENT FROM THESE.

OKAY, FINE !

I BET HE'LL HAVENO PROBLEM !

♪ LUCY HARRISSMART SMART SMART ♪

♪ MARTIN HARRIS DUMB

♪ SO MARTIN WENT ONBACK TO SMITH'S ♪

♪ SAID THE PAGESHAD GONE AWAY ♪

♪ SMITH GOT MAD AND TOLD MARTINHE NEEDED TO GO PRAY ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM

LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT LOSINGTHE PAGES WE WORKED ON, JOE.

BUT I'M READY TOWRITE IT ALL DOWN AGAIN

IF YOU TRANSLATEFROM THE PLATES.

I WOULD LOVE TO,MARTIN, EXCEPT--

I JUST HAD A VISION.

AND THE LORD SAID HE ISVERY ANGRY WITH ME

FOR LETTING YOUTAKE THOSE PAGES !

HE IS ?!

♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM

YES !

HE IS SO MAD THATHE WILL NEVER LET ME

TRANSLATE FROM THE PLATEOF LEHI AGAIN.

HE SAID WE MUST NOW TRANSLATEFROM THE PLATE OF NEPHI.

SO IT WILL BETHE SAME BASIC STORY,

BUT WRITTEN A LITTLEDIFFERENTLY.

WOW !

IF GOD GOT ANGRY WITH YOU

THEN YOU MUST BETELLING THE TRUTH !

♪ DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM

ALL RIGHT, MARTIN,LET'S GET TO WORK !

AND THAT'SHOW IT HAPPENED !

YEAH !ALL RIGHT !

WAIT, MORMONS ACTUALLYKNOW THIS STORY

AND THEY STILL BELIEVEJOSEPH SMITH WAS A PROPHET.

WELL SURE, THE STORYPROVES IT, DOESN'T IT ?

NO, IT PROVES HE DIDMAKE IT ALL UP !

ARE YOU BLIND ?!

WELL, STAN, IT'S ALLA MATTER OF FAITH !

NO, IT'S A MATTEROF LOGIC !

IF YOU'RE GONNA SAY THINGSTHAT HAVE BEEN PROVEN WRONG,

LIKE THAT THE FIRST MAN ANDWOMAN LIVED IN MISSOURI

AND THAT NATIVE AMERICANSCAME FROM JERUSALEM,

THEN YOU BETTER HAVESOMETHING TO BACK IT UP !

ALL YOU'VE GOT ARE A BUNCH OFSTORIES ABOUT SOME ASSWIPE

WHO READ PLATES NOBODYEVER SAW OUT OF A HAT

AND THEN COULDN'T DO IT AGAIN

WHEN THE TRANSLATIONSWERE HIDDEN !

HEY, STAN, DON'TDENOUNCE OUR RELIGION.

I DON'T WANT TO BEMORMON, DAD !

ME NEITHER.

HEY, THAT'S TOTALLYCOOL, GUYS,

YOU CAN BELIEVEWHATEVER YOU WANT !

YEAH, IT'S GREAT YOU HAVEYOUR OWN BELIEFS !

YEAH !

YAY FOR THE MARSHES !

OH, STOP IT !

THAT'S ANOTHER THING !

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SOFRICKIN' NICE ALL THE TIME ?

IT ISN'T NORMAL !

YOU JUST WEASEL PEOPLEINTO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

BY ACTING LIKE THE HAPPIESTFAMILY IN THE WORLD

AND BEING SO NICE TO EVERYONE

THAT YOU JUST BLINDSIDEDUMB PEOPLE LIKE MY DAD !

YEAH !

( sighs )WELL, KIDS...

WHO'S UP FOR A WATERBALLOON FIGHT ?!

YEAH !