Hey, I’ve got a review copy of Two Worlds II here. I didn’t play the first one, so this is a good chance to take a look at this series and see what it’s all about. Let me just start up a new game here…

Sigh. Yeah, this is the way of things. Type the serial number. Fine. Although, I don’t see the reason for this for games on Steam. Do I need to be involved here, Two Worlds II? I’ve got an account, the game is linked to the account. This could all be automated.

But whatever. I’ll jump through these useless hoops if it makes you feel better.

Ok, now we are in stupid country. Online activation on a Steam game. That’s double activation. You’re asking me to activate something I’ve already activated. You know how you can tell the game is activated? Because I’m running it. It won’t offer any additional protection against pirates, although it will open up opportunities for interesting failure modes down the line.

Hold up. What is this business about the activation being “fully confidential”? Aren’t they all? I mean, how could it work any other way? I send you my serial number, and you give me permission to play this thing that I bought with my hard earned money spent so much time downloading. If that wasn’t confidential, it would be your problem, not mine. Whatever.

This is what? You want what? Oh no.

No.

No no nonono.

You don’t get to have that. This isn’t the deal. Now I see what the “fully confidential” nonsense was about. You’re promising that you won’t share this with anyone else. But the thing is, I don’t want to share it with you in the first place. This is none of your damn business and is completely unrelated to the business of me playing this single-player videogame. This is NOT “fully confidential”, because YOU are asking me these things.

So this is the shape of things to come? Online activation AND serial numbers AND you want my personal information? Where is this even going? Is this being sent to Devloper Reality Pump? Publisher Topware Interactive? Their holding companies? Designer MirosÅ‚aw Dymek’s private Yahoo account?

What possible use could you have for my actual home address? My birthday? Are you going to send me a present? Because the only thing I want right now is for you to get out of the way and let me play the game. And if you want my private email you’d better send some ninjas, because I’ve refused to give that one to companies that are smarter, hipper, and more trustworthy than you. You’re not one of my Facebook buddies. You’re a faceless company, and you’re holding hostage a product that has already been paid for. (Er, not in my case. But, you know.)

Yes, I could fill these in with false data. It’s temping to season them in with George Carlin’s list, but I’ll leave that to people who have no choice because they’re out $60 if they don’t cough up the info. There are many games in the world and most of them don’t do this, so I’ll go play, review, discuss, and make comics about one of those.

So that’s my review of Two Worlds II. I’m afraid I can’t recommend it.

UPDATE: Nope, the registration info is NOT mandatory. My mistake. I maintain the entire system is obnoxious and idiotic, and the “opt out” button should be on the page asking for all of the personal info. But it’s not mandatory and you can play the full game without providing it.

So… that’s nice. I guess.