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Leave some for the rest of us!

Hey, you can only buy 3 of these.

It's indestructible! It's indefectible! It's um...uh...indescribable!

A shocking new development in the otherwise relatively mundane history of watches.

For its audition to appear on the site, this product used a monologue from: Macbeth. This watch isn’t messing around.

When you go out of town, this product: throws a massive house party in your house. Then cleans everything up so thoroughly that you’ll never have a clue what happened. So it’s really all the same to you.

When irradiated, this product will bite you, giving you the power of: lightning bolts shooting out of your fingertips and eyes. If it sounds painful, that’s because it is, but it’s also totally worth it.

In a tell-all biography, it was revealed that this product: harbored a long-term crush on its best friend’s girlfriend but valued their friendship too much to ever act on it. How sweet.

If you traveled to the future, people would think this was: a cool throwback item. So hang onto it for awhile.

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