THIS WEEK, FIFTY Shades of Grey became the best-selling book of all time in the UK. The trilogy is said to have sold more than 40million copies worldwide.

With sedate book clubs across the country mulling the pleasures of bondage, and spectacle-wearing aunts debating the merits of ropes and handcuffs, it’s probably inevitable that somebody would start producing merchandise.

But somehow, we didn’t expect it to be quite like this. Here’s what you can buy (Warning: slightly explicit content):