Note: The following article contains reference to sexual misconduct that some readers may find distressing.

Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) seems to be a real topic of discussion at the moment, with numerous stories of long-lost family members who reunited only to discover an intense sexual attraction, being bandied about all over the place.

And another one has emerged today, in the form of an interview by Jezebel. In an initial first-hand piece published by the site, a woman called Natasha described her experience of GSA. Meeting her father aged 19, she ended up engaging in a sexual relationship with him, all the while struggling with the countering emotions of self-loathing and disgust.

Natasha didn't grow up with her father, explaining that he actually left while her mum was pregnant. But she says her mother's following relationship with a woman didn't leave an unfilled hole for a male authority figure.

"My mom's long-term partner was a patriarchal butch lesbian, so I already had a 'father figure' in my immediate family," she said.

But because her mum's partner, whom she split with when Natasha was 19, had been emotionally abusive, she set about tracking down her father.

"I was desperate for anything else. So when I found my dad, it didn't matter that he was a man, it just mattered that he was a parent," she recollected.

After Googling her father's name, she managed to track him down as living in Jamaica, and says he was "thrilled" at her getting in touch. When Natasha first met her father, she describes being "taken with him, but in a nonsexual way," until a year later when she recalls feeling sexually attracted to him, and during the following year she and her father had oral sex "four or five times over the course of a few days."

"It was literally night and day. At night, the first night, I felt thrilled. I thought, 'There's nothing wrong with this, just cultural norms that are meaningless.' The sexual intensity was nothing like I'd ever felt before. It was like being loved by a parent you never had, and the partner you always wanted, at once.

"And then in the morning, we had oral sex again, and that's when I wanted to puke and felt like a criminal. At night I was really into it, but by morning I wanted to die. That's not hyperbole; I really wanted to die."

Discussing her intimate relationship with her father, Natasha labelled it "crazy", but not necessarily in a bad way.

"We understood each other's bodies as if we'd been life-long lovers. I've had to teach most of my partners how to do things—and obviously he's a middle-aged man, he's had lots of sex, but there was more than that to it, some deep psychic connection. It felt like he knew me better than I knew myself. The sex was intense in a way that no other sex has been."

But the progression of their sexual experience only stopped because her father took control. "I had tried to have unprotected intercourse with him, which I had never done before in my life," she said, "and he stopped me and said, 'We can't, I'm your father'."

While this made Natasha believe her father was trying to protect her at the time, years later she thinks of his actions as "terrifying".

"He was in control, totally in control. He knew exactly what he wanted. He knew exactly where to draw the line. I, on the other hand, was completely out of control.

I did everything I could to stop it, despite the intense feelings I was having: I told him how powerless I felt—I told him I needed him to stop it because I couldn't. He agreed, but kept initiating, and so it happened a few more times until I was finally able to end it when I holed myself up in the other room on my last night there."

Following that trip to Jamaica - which had been her third - Natasha felt so disgusted at herself that she entered into therapy and stopped seeing her father. Although he was in contact with her at the beginning of her counselling sessions, she soon began to feel angry at the situation and stopped answering his calls.

"He wound up sending me an email eventually, apologizing," Natasha recalled. "It wasn't a particularly long or insightful message. It was just, 'I'm really sorry for what happened.' Too little, too late."

If you are upset by anything you have read and would like support, reach out to ISAS (incest and sexual abuse survivors).

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