On my second day as a new MP, during my induction tour of parliament, I was shown the members’ cloakroom, but it wasn’t until last week that I had reason to go there. In the cloakroom, every constituency has its own coat hanger, adorned with a loop of pink ribbon. The purpose of this ribbon is so that one can hang up one’s sword. Yes, you heard me correctly. Each MP has a well-maintained, traditional sword loop, and yet no MP has carried a sword for generations.

Amusingly, last week the ribbons were adorned – not with swords – but with litter pickers. As part of a PR push for the “Great British spring clean”, MPs were invited to a photo op and to collect their free picker. It tickled me to see a modern environmental campaign rub up against ancient tradition, but it was also the first time in eight weeks as an MP that I had seen such signs of progress.

There are no plans for electronic voting, no plans for modern seating arrangements

As a new MP, I often get asked what’s the oddest behaviour or practice in parliament. The one that immediately comes to mind is “bobbing”. This is the practice of literally bobbing up and down to ask a question of a minister. I spent an hour bobbing in the justice questions session on a Tuesday, as did around 25 other MPs. I did another 40 minutes in culture, media and sport questions, and another hour in education questions. Despite my best legwork, I didn’t get picked to ask my question in any of these sessions. The whole process can become so hypnotic that some MPs continue to bob by accident even after they’ve asked a question. Finally, my exertions got me picked to ask a question about the human rights considerations of extending Huawei’s reach into the UK’s 5G network. One question for four hours of quad work. To compare MPs’ records in upholding democracy, check out Strava.

Oh, and you can only bob from the main benches – not the “overflow” ones by the chamber entrance. In a busy debate there’s a bit of a bun fight to get a seat (there are only 427 for 650 MPs) and there’s only one sure-fire way of reserving one. Prayer cards. Yup, you heard me right. If you as an MP want to ensure that you have an seat in the chamber, you have to go from your office to the chamber, fill in a prayer card that reserves your seat, and then you can go back to your office. Only, you then have to return to participate in prayers or else your seat reservation is null and void.

For example, on Wednesday most MPs like to be in the room for prime minister’s questions. The chamber is busy. Sometimes you can start reserving your seats from 8am – and some MPs do. I’m not sure who the Daily Express thinks came out on top in the Brits v Germans beach towel war, but no tourist would ever beat an MP to the sunbeds during recess. Then in the middle of prayers you have to turn around and face the outer walls of the chamber. I’m not entirely sure why. The first time I did it, I noticed a mouse trap under the green benches behind.

But, lo! Parliament has a “restoration and renewal” programme to tackle this dilapidation. It’s known as “R&R”. But it is only about refreshing the existing trappings and traditions – there’s no reset or reform on the agenda. There are no plans for electronic voting, no plans for modern seating arrangements, and certainly no plans to restore the access fund for disabled people running for election. My team were just pleased that after three weeks of trying we finally got the phone working (the cabling in the newer Portcullis building is already obsolete). The attitude I’ve taken is one of good humour, and that these daft observations make for good chat with other fellow newbies.

But there’s a hard truth at its heart: parliament is there to serve the public. These anachronistic rituals and behaviours serve no one and perpetuate the perception that politicians are weird or out of touch. We have a public duty to not only demystify parliament but to drag it kicking and screaming into the 21st century. I know that other MPs in the new intake share my frustrations. So do many of the more established MPs. It’s about time we did something about it.

• Daisy Cooper is Liberal Democrat MP for St Albans