You have to be in the know. Getty Images

Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.

I blame art historian and culture critic Alison Pearlman.

If I hadn't seen her article on LitHub, none of this would have happened.

Instead, I descended upon her fascinating exposition of secret menu items at various fast-food chains and felt like I'd entered another world.

Yes, I knew that In-N-Out had various little twists on its very basic menu.

I was less aware, however, that McDonald's had an equivalent subculture. Perhaps that's because I think of McDonald's as a little more regular in general.

Still, Pearlman offered revelation after revelation.

Which left me just one thing to do.

Off I went to a Bay Area McDonald's to try my luck with one particular secret menu item that sounded, in its way, moving.

I tried to pick a quiet hour on a quiet day.

As you'll shortly see, there was a reason for this.

I also tried to imagine what a Double Cheeseburger with a McChicken Sandwich stuffed inside it would taste like. Other than truly awful.

I knew, though, that my first priority was to order it from the right person. Pearlman warned in her article that not every McDonald's would be receptive.

She wrote:

If you ask for this in the wrong store, you might be asked to leave.

But how could I know which would be the right store?

After going to a couple of different McDonald's, I settled on one where a middle-aged man was behind the counter.

Then I went for it.

"I'd like a McGangBang, please," I said, in what I hoped was a conspiratorial tone.

I hoped, too, that my British accent would defuse any suggestion of sounding, you know, excessively twisted.

"Excuse me?" he said, with perfect innocence.

I repeated my request.

His face turned a touch concerned for my welfare.

"We don't have that, sir."

"But you know what it is, right?"

"No, sir. Our menu is up there," he said, pointing above him. "What would you like?"

"So no, you know, secret menu items?"

"I've heard some McDonald's do that, but we don't."

I didn't know whether to believe him. I fear I should have started with one of the less controversial items suggested by Pearlman, like the McLand, Air, and Sea Burger.

This is, apparently, "the innards of a burger, a chicken sandwich, and the Filet-O-Fish between the buns of one."

But now a family of five stood behind me. Fool that I am, here I was making an even bigger fool of myself.

So I ordered a Quarter Pounder with fries. Well, at least I know the beef is fresh.

It was, just like my previous experience of it, pleasant enough.

I needed, though, to mend some McFences I feared I'd freshly broken. So I waited until there was no line and, on my way out, I walked up to the man again and apologized.

"I'm sorry, sir," I said. "A website told me the McGangBang was a secret menu item."

"I know," said the man. "It's disgusting."

"The name?"

"No, the sandwich," he said with a smile. "The staff aren't in a good mood right now, so I didn't want to make them mad by asking them for a special."

He knew what I was asking for all along. He admitted, too, that their favored customers do ask for and get the more supposedly secretive items.

I promised him I'd come more often. I fear I may have lied.

It seems, then, that there are a few essential ingredients in these secret menu affairs.

It helps if the staff already know you and are in the mood to prepare something different.

It also helps if you do your research. SecretMenus.com, for example, is an edifying and comprehensive exposition of fast-food secret menus.

On its McDonald's list is the Mc10:35, which appears to be a combination of the Egg McMuffin and the McDouble.

Which sounds like it ought to be illegal.

And you should read the SecretMenus description of the McGangBang:

Not quite as big as the behemoth Land, Sea, and Air Burger, this is a nice step down that allows a hearty eater to quench their appetite without immobilizing themselves. It's a cost-effective way to get a burger that outsizes a Big Mac. To mimic the Big Mac, ask for some Mac sauce with your fries and you can spread it on the burger for the ultimate dining experience.

You can stop just this side of immobilization for a mere $2.

I explored SecretMenus.com a little further.

Burger King has a Suicide Burger. Taco Bell has an Enchirito.

This is a different world.