New York’s Sex Diaries series asks anonymous city dwellers to record a week in their sex lives — with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results. Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher

This week, a fashion photographer who hopes her swinging lifestyle will connect her to new people in all kinds of ways: 31, married, Hoboken.

DAY ONE

8 a.m. My husband, Ace, wakes me up after his conference call — he’s working from home with me today (yay!). I talk to him about our upcoming date with a couple we’re aspiring to sleep with. It’ll be my birthday, and this is what I want.

Ace and I met about seven years ago, in 2012. He was visiting the U.S. for work from the U.K. We spent the next two weeks together; then he went home and asked to move here. Three months later we moved in together. (Yes, everyone thought we were crazy.) We’ve been together ever since, seven years as of about a week ago actually, and married for almost four.

I was into the “group-sex” lifestyle as a single woman, or “unicorn,” for about six months before we met. I told Ace about it that first week we knew each other, and he thought it was interesting and wanted to know more. The second week, my best friend came to visit and we had our first threesome experience. No wonder he moved to the U.S., right?

8:21 a.m. Excited to see new texts from Joe and Sophie, the couple we have a date with soon. They’re an incredibly hot couple we fooled around with for the first time a few days ago — we haven’t had sex yet, and I hope we do this time. They might be able to see us over the weekend and just the possibility makes me horny.

10 a.m. I spend the rest of the morning working, checking Feeld, and cleaning the house. Feeld is an app to meet “like-minded” friends online. There’s also SLS or Swing Life Style, Swing Towns, FetLife, but we’ve had good luck sticking with Feeld so far. Plus, there are parties in the city where you can easily find open minded and/or kinky people, like The New Society for Wellness, Killing Kittens, One Leg Up, Chemistry, the list goes on. Instagram is your friend here, folks.

12:23 p.m. Joe texts and says they would love to see us on Saturday. He tells us a funny story about finding one of my hairs in his beard during a meeting earlier in the day and getting hard at the conference table.

5 p.m. Finishing up some work. I work for a fashion photographer who recently moved to L.A., so now I work from home unless I’m on set when he’s here. I’m basically his righthand woman. When I’m not working, my biggest hobby is DIY. I spend all my free time designing and then doing. At the moment, my brain is working on a poured concrete bar and landscape lighting in the backyard.

DAY TWO

10:28 a.m. New messages from Nate and Bridget. They’re the first couple we met a few months ago, when getting back into the “swing” life.

I say “back” because, even though we had a couple threesomes early on in our relationship, we got too busy — planning our wedding, moving down South for work, and then moving back to the city again. Life kind of got in the way. About six months ago we started talking about it again. I was nervous after so much time: I didn’t want Ace to think my interest was because there was anything he wasn’t giving me — our sex life was better than ever. We’d recently bought a house, and started feeling amazing about each other and ourselves. I guess I just wanted to share him.

We haven’t seen Nate and Bridget for a while but had a great date recently that ended in our guest bedroom. They ask to see us over the weekend and I hesitate to tell them about our upcoming date with someone else. Some couples we speak with love hearing about other dates we have, but Nate and Bridget are not one of them. We book in a time with them for the following weekend; they want to cook us dinner.

6:56 p.m. Joe and Sophie send us a message about Saturday, saying they want meet up at 3 p.m. so we have plenty of time. I love meeting in the afternoon: It usually means a solid five to seven hours of nudity and believe me, we definitely want to be naked and fooling around with Joe and Sophie for that long.

DAY THREE

9:30 a.m. Realize I’ve been so distracted fantasizing that I left the syrup that I was making on the stove and almost burned the house down … No more cooking today!

2:05 p.m. Spend the next two hours wiping down the whole house thinking about Ace going down on Sophie … can’t wait to see them on Saturday.

10:33 p.m. A message from Joe. He says they have some presents for me for my birthday!

12:31 a.m. Bed time after a hot romp with Ace. Our sex life has been on point lately — there’s something about having sex that makes you want to have more sex. The biggest problem we face is usually timing. We’re usually too tired to play with each other for an hour most weeknights, although I think sometimes we could probably just make an effort to fool around instead of watching Netflix. No shortage of sex in our lives, though. We never stress about it.

DAY FOUR

9 a.m. Ace is working from home again today, and I tell him my new idea: that I want to turn the living room into a giant pillow-fort tent. He says it might be “strange and weird.” We both worry what other people think too much … but only other swingers. Never vanilla people.

10 a.m. Harass Ace to pick a meeting place for our date Saturday. We like to start at a bar or restaurant.

11 a.m. I’ve decided to make keif honey (weed-infused honey) for our date with Joe and Sophie on Saturday. They are very 420-friendly (as are we) and recently spoiled us with treats at their place.

5:30 p.m. Ace just told me he took the day off for my birthday. He says he has surprises planned but has to work late tonight so I head to our neighbors’ house for happy hour. We’ve become really good friends with the (vanilla) family that lives next to us and regularly spend time together.

7 p.m. Ace is still working but we’ve ordered curry for dinner and are eating next door. We haven’t told our vanilla friends about our “other life” yet and it’s starting to feel like we are lying to them, especially these friends. I worry we could lose them as friends if we never tell them anything.

10:30 p.m. I am determined to build this damn tent. I start tying string across the living room and gathering all the random pillows we’ve acquired over the years. Ace finally agrees to help and decides we definitely need the mattress from upstairs. An hour later, our living room is transformed into the craziest pillow-fort tent, complete with under-the-bed restraints.

11:48 p.m. Ace finally gets back to Joe and Sophie about plans for the next day. Finding cool, intimate, fun places to get together for drinks can be a lot harder than you’d think. He asks them if they want to come join the cuddle puddle (fort) too.

1:45 a.m. Ace and I resolve to tell our neighbor besties about our lifestyle soon. We just need to find the right time — it’s not exactly dinnertime conversation with kids at the table. And where would we begin? Telling them about our rules?

Our rules are that we only play together, in the same room. We like to see each other and the experience isn’t a turn-on if we can’t touch and connect during the experience. When it comes to a “full swap” situation there is always conversation before any penetration happens. Everyone must say they want to have sex, and we always make sure to have that verbal communication with each other and those we play with.

DAY FIVE

9:20 a.m. Rise and shine! It’s date day. We decide to meet and have some drinks before “cuddle puddling.” Date day prep takes time, lots of grooming, showering, and outfit picking.

10:30 a.m. Finally out of bed after teasing Ace. He’s into edging and I love making him wait. I’m only allowed to tease so much on date days. When we first started meeting other couples Ace got into his own head too much but we’ve since conquered those battles. At the end of the day, worrying about getting a boner leads to not getting one.

1:01 p.m. I’ve been cleaning all morning after yelling at Ace for trying to dust the living room — he did it half-assed! Now it is time to prep cocktails for later so I have more time to play, not play bartender.

3 p.m. Head uptown for our date. Ace looks so good. I really hope to see him fuck Sophie later.

5:09 p.m. I receive a confirmation on our next date with Nate and Bridget. (Ace had been acting weird about it all morning), but right now all I can think about is Joe playing footsie with me under the table. We pay up and everyone heads back to our place.

6:30 p.m. Nudity and keif-honey-spiked cocktails all around. Ace and I have sex while they do the same. He doesn’t come — it’s way too early in the night for that. Then we all hang out together in the pillow-fort tent.

We order pizza and Ace grabs the “strapless” strap-on for Sophie and I to play with together. Then, time for my “birthday present.” Joe leads Sophie from the bathroom. They just staged a mid-play costume change and I couldn’t be more excited. She’s wearing incredible harness lingerie, complete with a choker and leash.

12:30 a.m. Joe and Sophie leave. We’ve spent the last hours playing with each other, some delicious pizza and movies in between. I even got Ace to dance in the kitchen with me before we decide to head to bed.

DAY SIX

9:40 a.m. It’s my birthday! We wake up in the sex tent, both so horny for more today. Ace and I are going out for breakfast before heading to Harry Potter. I put my collar harness on over my Bellatrix Lestrange shirt and he points out that it’s maybe not appropriate for a kid-friendly show.

12:30 p.m. No dice on breakfast, thanks for nothing, busy brunch! Head to the city determined to get Shake Shack.

10 p.m. Home after Harry Potter and a delicious dinner out. Ace leads me to the sex tent and bends me over. Bed by midnight, both of us ready for another “birthday day” tomorrow.

DAY SEVEN

9 a.m. Another day of birthday celebrations! Yay for me. I love having a day off with my honey mid-week. We were supposed to go ice skating and get new tattoos, but last night I mentioned a deal at the spa. We decide we’ll head there this afternoon instead.

1:15 p.m. I decide to make cocktails just as the doorbell rings. I assume it’s yet another package from Amazon and head to get the door. It’s Nate and Bridget! Surprise! Ace has been weird about them and this is why; it all makes sense now.

1:45 p.m. We drink a few cocktails and head to the spa with Nate and Bridget. The afternoon is spent trying to avoid the security guards, a.k.a. “life guards,” at the spa while we all grope each other. We are definitely not being as conservative in public as we usually are. It’s too bad this place isn’t run by swingers.

5:30 p.m. Thai takeout for dinner. We get naked with them before the food arrives and Bridget gives Ace a hot blow job alongside me. The evening ends with multiple orgasms, from multiple people.



12:30 a.m. Snuggled in the cuddle sex fort with Ace, buzzing after the best weekend together.

When we started swinging, I think Ace’s first question was: What is the end goal here? At the time I had to think about it and I know for sure I could answer it better today than I could then. I knew 100 percent the goal was not, and is not, about meeting other people to be with besides each other. The goal is to have great sex and learn more about our bodies and each other’s bodies, together … and to connect in new ways and to meet some other people we can be real friends with. Like actual friends, ones who do more than have big sex orgies and drink fabulous cocktails. But so far, I’d say most of the couples we swing with provide all of the above!

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