On this special Wednesday episode of The Bachelor, we meet Pete in Santiago, Chile. He updates us on his gaping head wound: the stitches are out but he still has to wear a bandage to prevent his last seven brain cells from leaking out.

The women are having brunch and promising to move on from drama when Mykenna gives a long speech and starts crying. The other ten women flash glances and are tired of babysitting her. Victoria F. is Mykenna’s main antagonist and calls her a “sad, wet dog on the side of the road” and tells her to “shut the fuck up” at the confessional and not to let it happen again to her face. Mykenna is saved by Peter walking up on them and telling them he’s going to take Hannah Ann to explore Santiago with him. Mykenna is sucking her teeth, doing the weird tongue thing from last episode again, and stewing.

Peter and Hannah Ann walk to the Plaza de Armas or “Plaza de Arms,” as Peter calls it. They watch a band play before eating a hot dog with mayonnaise and making out with hot dog and mayonnaise all over their faces. It’s one of the more disgusting things I’ve ever witnessed. After the hot dog makeout they meet an older Chilean couple who exclaims “SHE’S SO YOUNG.” To which Hannah Ann replies “aw, thank you.” I don’t think they meant it as a compliment, they were probably worried she was a victim of sex trafficking.

After meeting the couple, they walk to the top of a monument/temple/something overlooking Santiago, where Peter asks her if she’s ever been in love. She says no because she’s fucking 23, bro. Anyone under 23 who has been in love is either married to that person or a mental case.

At their dinner that night, Peter again quizzes Hannah Ann about her goals and previous relationships. She gives a scripted, beauty pageant answer. She also tries to amend her previous statement that she’s never been in love to reassure Peter by telling him that she has been in a committed relationship. He again asks her if marriage with him is what she wants and she gives another obvious bullshit answer. Her answers are so vague and unbelievable that even Peter’s dumb ass walks off to wrap his mind around them.

She realizes she has to do damage control and runs outside to meet him by a fountain. She generates some extremely fake tears and tells him that she’s falling in love with him. He falls for this bullshit because he’s a simpleton. He gives Hannah Ann a rose and they make out.

At their hotel, Kelley comes in with date cards. One invites Kelley, Madison, Natasha, Victoria P, Mykenna, Sydney, Tammy, and Kelsey on a group date. The second invites Victoria F. on her second one-on-one. Mykenna starts sobbing again and tells Kelsey she’s thinking about leaving.

For the group date they’ll be filming a telenovela with Peter. Each woman is given a role: Kelsey is the bombshell, Natasha is an ex-lover, Mykenna is a maid, Kelley is a grandma, Tammy is an heiress, Syndey is a nurse, Victoria is a woman who had a golf cart accident, and I have no idea who Madison is supposed to be. Mykenna is obviously upset about being cast as a maid but she needs to take lessons from Kelley, who is leaning into her “abuela” role as hard as possible.

Mykenna’s role seems to be to lurk in the background and look sad and creepy while the other women make out with Peter in front of her. It’s a role she was born to play.

Spoiler alert if you have Chilean cable: Mykenna the maid ends up falling in love with Peter in the climax before being interrupted by Chris Harrison.

At the group date cocktail party the women are remarking about how much fun they had on their date before Peter walks in and ruins their kumbaya moment. Kelsey takes some boring ass alone time with Peter. Then Victoria P. is up. She asks to sit on Peter because she needs physical touch from him. Weird. She asks if he’s in a place to talk and brings up Alayah and he’s clearly done talking about it. With zero warm-up, he throws a 101 mph fastball right underneath her chin. He tells her “I totally hear you…I know your heart is in the right place…I don’t know if I see you as my wife.”

She immediately flips on him and tells him that she’s concerned for him because…uh reasons that she doesn’t give. She tells him that this is the last conversation they’ll have and this isn’t love. Yeah, pretty sure he just told you that. He chases her out the door to her Uber XL and she unravels in the back seat. It was one of the more surprising breakups I’ve ever witnessed on this show.

Alayah, how did you feel about it?

Peter meets back up with the rest of the women and tells them that he sent Victoria P. home. They’re just as stunned as we are. Peter takes Madison outside to decompress and so she can keep auditioning for The Bachelorette.

Mykenna is stoked that Victoria P. is going home and Tammy decides to stomp her out quickly. Tammy asks her why she’s so happy if she was packing her bags last night. Tammy calls Mykenna immature (because she is) and I’m reminded that Tammy is like a year older than Mykenna but acts like she’s in a completely different generation. Natasha is convinced that Tammy is only here to eliminate other women to get closer to Peter, which is probably right. Peter and Madison can hear Tammy, Mykenna, and Kelsey screaming at each other. Mykenna tells Tammy to grow up while running away crying.

Peter consoles Mykenna, whose daddy issues are screaming through a megaphone at this point. He then gathers the rest of the women and gives the group date rose to Madison.

The next day Peter and Victoria (we can drop the initial since she’s the final Victoria) spend their day on a horse ranch. Peter is using this date as a mulligan for their date last week in Cleveland and Victoria uses it as a way to pad her Bachelorette resume. They crawl under horses, ride horses, and watch other people ride horses. Look, I’m just glad aircraft weren’t involved.

You can yada yada this entire date. She’s much more animated when she’s with the rest of the women than when she’s with Peter because, like the rest of the women, she’s not into Peter. The date ends with him telling her that he wants to be more serious with her but he can tell she has doubts. She gets frustrated with his probing and storms into the bathroom to talk to a producer, who she tells she “feels physically ill.” Look, I don’t like Peter either but this is harsh. When he didn’t send her home then and there you knew that ABC had her pegged for something in the future. She apologizes to him and he gives her a rose even though he expresses doubt. Peter, my man. What are you fucking doing?

Back at the hotel, the women are surprised by a date card informing Mykenna and Tammy that they’re to meet at the cocktail party before anyone else arrives. Mykenna tells Tammy that she told Peter about Tammy yelling at her and Tammy legitimately doesn’t seem afraid. Mykenna gives herself a pep talk about how strong she is while she cries in the mirror. She’s a mess.

As they arrive, Mykenna decides to fire into a rehearsed monologue about how Tammy “made her found her damned voice.” That’s an exact quote from the second sentence of her monologue so it didn’t start well. She tells Tammy “Kindness wins. Love wins. Bringing people down never wins,” which makes it obvious she isn’t from America.

Tammy gets the first private time with Peter. She tells him that Mykenna isn’t here for the right reasons and that she’s trying to brand herself by yelling hashtags. She tells him that Mykenna was planning to leave after the group date and that she’s irritated because people like Mykenna who aren’t taking this seriously are distracting Peter from women who are here for marriage. It’s a pretty eloquent speech and even though Natasha hates her, I kind of like Tammy.

Tammy returns to Mykenna and tells her she needs to be ready to answer questions.

Mykenna tells Peter that Tammy takes joy in bringing people down. Peter asks if Mykenna is focused on him or the drama in the house. She admits that she was going to leave but changed her mind. She then starts crying and tells Peter that she’s “speaking her damn truth.” Just because you’re swearing doesn’t mean people will take you seriously. Take it from me, a 33 year old who swears constantly.

Before Peter tells them his verdict, Mykenna tries to poke Tammy by saying she’s the “villain of this season.” Tammy tells her that she’s not concerned with that, which is a great answer that completely exposes Mykenna. Mykenna starts freaking out and Tammy tells her not to lead with her emotions while she sobs. Mykenna tells Tammy that she’s nothing and Tammy gets the last word in by saying “I’m everything.” Peter keeps Mykenna but Tammy threw her around like a dang rag doll.

Mykenna gloats to the other women as Peter sees Tammy off. With most of the action done for the episode the women individually take time to talk to Peter before the rose ceremony. At the rose ceremony Syndey and Mykenna (!) are eliminated.

Fun fact: when Mykenna made this face I apparently made a noise my wife had never heard before. It was a mix of a cackle, howl, and a gasp. Just pure nasty joy. In one episode Peter got rid of Victoria P., Sydney, and Mykenna. Long live the fucking KING