It's not her first time at this rodeo — Bachelor stalwart Ashley Iaconetti is back in Paradise this season (not just yet, admittedly, but she's on her way) and back recapping the show also. Read on for her firsthand take on all the messiness this season has to offer. Because it's going to get messy...

I'm sitting here watching the reality soap opera I've been part of for the past two summers and clapping my hands because I'm in love with how self-aware the show is. Self-awareness and self-deprecation, having the ability to make fun of yourself and not taking things too seriously — these are some of my favorite traits in people. I've got them myself. That's what the laugh cry is all about, people! It's me realizing in the moment that it's silly how upset I am, but I'm distraught nonetheless. Anyway, I was thinking all this because this week's episode starts out with Josh and Amanda making out again and he keeps moaning. It's got to be dubbed in, but the way he's devouring and describing his pizza is too real.

This content is imported from Third party. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

While Josh's fingers are dripping with cheese grease, Amanda "accepts" Evan's self-made date card. Evan has a fancy dinner date planned up in what we call "the tree house," which is the hangout spot by the Playa Escondida bedrooms. He's really throwing all caution into the wind with this pre-rose ceremony move — he wants to stay in Paradise! If you know Evan in real life, you'd know that this was far less creepy and sweeter than it may appear to the general public. Truly gracious about the effort and his interest in her, Amanda sheds some tears and thanks him, but tells Evan that she's invested in Josh. The producers' prayers are answered when the scene concludes with Evan tripping in front of Josh while walking Amanda back to their place on the beach. Josh laughs and he's officially the high school jock who's with the girl of everyone's dreams.

Still, like me (as you'll see), Evan is not a fan of closing doors when it comes to relationships. Even after this conversation, he still seems to think there's hope for "Evanda." And he brings Andi's book back as "steer clear of this guy" conversation starter again in an attempt to get Amanda to see the light. When Josh and Evan confront each other over this, Evan argues that Josh is too polished to be genuine. This resonates with me; let's say that it's oddly similar to a situation I'm going to encounter later in the season. I've come to learn it can be hard to prove someone a fake, but the truth always comes out.

They say there's no one truth in a relationship, but two truths on each side. I feel for Josh having to discuss a past relationship in which his side of the story isn't public record. I do think however that Evan has a great point when he says, "There's an ocean of words, but no thoughts." Josh is speaking in clichés and hiding beyond inspirational quotes. I put everything out there, all my raw emotions and all the truth. Some people call it immaturity. I call it being expressive. Composure is so overrated in my book.

Anyway, after all that Amanda gives Josh her rose, duh. Izzy gives hers to Vinny, Lace to Grant, Emily to Jared, Haley to Nick (Brandon was just too boring), Sarah to Daniel (because she values entertainment), and Carly to Evan (because they're buds).

This content is imported from Third party. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

The next day there's a double date for two of the most-established Paradise couples: Lace and Grant and Vinny and Izzy. Lace got "Lace'ted" and got into a minor bar fight. The real action of the day, though, took place when Caila arrives. Yes, we all have a pretty good idea about which cast members will be in Paradise. We all talk. I can tell you that Caila went back and forth with her decision a few times. I spoke to her about five days before I left for Mexico and she said she wasn't doing the show. I don't know how she shopped so quickly...

Yes, I was concerned about her going to Paradise because I didn't want Jared falling for someone in front of my eyes, OK?! I know his type! Still, Caila assured me on multiple occasions that even if she did Paradise, she wouldn't want to ruin our friendship by dating Jared, and that Jared wasn't her type inside or outside (albeit, she'd never met him). Without her in the mix, Jared and I both didn't think there'd be anyone in Paradise he'd really fall hard for — so I didn't prepare myself to walk into that.

We know how the story goes. Caila actually does come, she asks Jared out, Jared and Caila have a lovely first date riding horses. Jared says he can see himself falling in love with Caila. If I had known this was going on as I sat in my hotel room waiting for my grand entrance, I would have booked the first flight back to the U.S. Honestly.

This content is imported from Third party. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

So I arrived in Paradise with my big bro Nick gone and my OG girl Carly at the hospital with Evan, who milked his infections a little to snag a kiss and some alone time. When I saw Caila sitting next to Jared, well, my mental breakdown follows and I've got to say that what you see is what you get there. I was upset to see Jared interested in someone else while I had no one of interest in my presence, let alone "available," and to top it off, I felt betrayed by Caila. I was overwhelmed and completely surprised by the situation I walked into. Please put yourself in my shoes before you judge my emotional state.

This content is imported from Third party. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Before I go any further, let me try to explain the situation between Jared and me since our first stint in Paradise the previous year. This goes back to what I mentioned earlier about there being two versions of the truth in each relationship. And this is my version: I thought we built a strong friendship that was moving into promising territory November through January mostly. In late February, he told me he saw me just as a friend and I was completely crushed. But he'd allude to things maybe changing down the road, and I couldn't fathom how we could spend hours talking and getting along so well and not be together romantically. I couldn't separate him being a sweet, loving friend from a possible boyfriend. Nor did I want to believe it would never happen so when I did feel like maybe he was leading me on, I'd never tell him, because I have to admit, I wanted it to keep coming. I'd never had a guy treat me with as much appreciation and respect as he did. When you find some you consider to be the man of your dreams, it's hard to accept you'll only be friends. Jared thought that I had accepted that going into Paradise when I thought I made it clear I'd always have feelings for him.

But I didn't go to Paradise just for Jared! Yes, that hope still glimmered — what a better place for him to realize it's been me all along than the place we first met, right?! I obviously live in a chick flick in my mind. And look, Paradise producers encouraged this daydream, telling me that he would get jealous seeing me with another guy and his competitive, manly instincts would kick in. However, most of me knew though that this wouldn't happen. I was also hoping that I would get some closure and move on to another guy. I was excited to meet this new guy.

I didn't think it would be Damn Daniel, who I went on a quick date with this week though. I was emotionally drained, but he made me laugh and distracted me during our three-hourlong dinner — a date that started at midnight, by the way. The Aztecs came in and sacrificed me, the virgin. Once they brought me back in, we did some tribal dancing with them and beat their drums. I was happy to have my mind off everything at "home." (Oh, and if you're wondering why I didn't pick Nick for a "friend date," know that Jen actually arrived before me and snapped him up — that's editing for you!)

Still, the next day was brutal. I was seeing friends and crew I hadn't seen in months and basically just sobbing and grunting in their faces. I thought I could let it all out in the privacy of my bunk, but then after 30 minutes of hyperventilating, I saw the "hidden camera" pointed right at me. Also, during rose ceremony days, the girls and guys are secluded from each other until sun down. This means I hadn't seen my dearest friend Nick at all almost 24 hours into my stay in Paradise, and when I really needed the support.

Once we got time to chat at the cocktail party, he gave me a heavy dose of tough love. I'm not the best at responding to tough love, but I know this is his approach (we've had many a tearful dinner in L.A.). His take is that I'm not in love with Jared but ~obsessed~ with him. I stick to "love" to this day, but maybe in the future I'll realize it wasn't quite that.

After all that, it was time to talk to Jared. I never imagined the magnitude of the conversation we were about to have on that beach bed. The conversation lasted close to two hours and truly changed my life … you'll have to watch next week's episode to find out what I took away from it.

Follow Ashley on Instagram and Twitter.

Ashley Iaconetti Ashley Iaconetti is our resident Bachelor recapper.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io