I had a really tough Christmas. It was a hard time for me to believe that there were Christians out there that truly expressed the love of Christ, the love they preach, the love they strive to embody. The Christians in my life made sure I didn't feel that love this Christmas. It was mid January before I had the stomach to unwrap all of the gifts intended for my family. I packaged them back up and took them to the post office to be returned. I stood in line thankful for the rain I had walked through, as it explained away my wet eyes. I handed the postal worker my packages and with a smile he asked "nothing from the box today?" I hadn't thought of my PO BOX all Christmas. My eyes lit up and I ran to my box and saw that little yellow slip that meant there was something waiting for me. I came running back with it and the postal worker smiled and said "Remembered someone sent you something?" I smiled back "Yes! My Secret Santa!!"

I got in the car and opened an envelope that held an even smaller envelope, one made by hand and taped into place. What I read was more heart warming than I know how to express. Here was a letter from a kid who doesn't know me, a preachers kid with a minor in musical technology and biblical studies, a kid who I would have completely understood if he didn't want to give a gift to someone like me. You see, I'm a smut maker, an online exhibitionist, a whore in the eyes of many. But this kid, this stranger, took it upon himself to not only make up for the gifts not given by my first match but to extend God's love.

He writes "I thought it was funny that I matched with you since I might be the 1/1000 people that don't exactly indulge in the kind of content you make, haha. But hey, I don't believe I was put here to judge, but to love everyone. And you seem like a pretty cool person. :) ...if it's not already obvious, God's a big part of my life. So if it means anything to you, I'll be praying that you have a great new year and that God moves in your life."

I'm not much for "God" these days but I do believe in the power of love. I felt it on that day. For the first time in a month I felt a genuine smile stretch across my face and I welcomed the happy tears as they streamed down my cheeks. I pulled out an apron with my name embroidered on it and an Overwatch coffee mug that read "Heroes Never Die". So to my kind Secret Santa, thank you. Thank you for loving me even though I'm a "whore". Thank you for unknowingly giving me, in my time of healing, an anthem to rally behind. Every time I drink from that mug I smile and feel strong again, I feel strong because of the love you showed to a perfect stranger instead of the judgement I've come to expect. Keep being you, the world could definitely use more hearts like yours.

"Heroes never die" I raise my mug to you sweet one, here's to spreading love and ending hate.

<3 Alexa