Would you BELIEVE that caffeine-infused panties perhaps does not, in fact, reduce the appearance of cellulite? Apparently this caught some consumers by surprise, and now Maidenform and Wacoal America are facing multiple lawsuits.


See, companies both produced lines of underwear made of Novarel Slim, a fabric containing both retinol and small caffeine capsules that were somehow supposed to zap fat cells. They made big promises, the New Jersey Law Journal (via the Star Ledger) reports:

Maidenform claimed its Instant Slimmer line made from Novarel Slim could "reduce the appearance of cellulite" and was promoted as "embedded with microcapsules containing caffeine to promote fat destruction." Wacoal allegedly sold a line called iPant which it called "hope on a hanger," claiming it "works with your body to visually reduce the appearance of cellulite from your waist, hips and thighs." The company said iPant, if worn eight hours a day for 28 days, would result in a reduction in thigh measurement.


I'm no dairy farmer, but that sure smells like bullshit. And in fact the complaint includes a comment from the Federal Trade Commission, calling the claims "about as credible as a note from the Tooth Fairy." Unleash the litigators! A pair of New Yorkers filed the first suit, and their case is now crawling forward; two Massachusetts women piled on in April and there's another suit in Tallahassee. All three lawsuits insists the panties "do not reduce thigh measurement or promote fat destruction."

On the one hand, it's hard not to file this under "suckers born every minute, instances thereof." On the other, corporations shouldn't lie through their teeth in the service of making a buck off women's insecurities. If the underwear truly doesn't work as advertised, then screw 'em.

At any rate: Please stop worrying about cellulite. Don't buy panties, or jeans, or anything else that specifically promises to melt the perfectly natural fat from your butt. Assume anyone who broaches the topic of cellulite is trying to separate you from your money, and proceed with skepticism.

(h/t Fark)