I’m calling this The Pretty Project:

What is it that makes a person attractive? Or gorgeous? Or beautiful? (Or whatever your favorite adjective is)…

A few drinks?

No, I’m looking for something more in depth than that. A formula for physical beauty if you will…

Seriously, what is it that makes a man handsome or a woman beautiful? What is it that sets someone above another on the appeal scale? I’m talking about snap impressions and perceptions here.

Robert Burton has said that if vanity is not our chief feature, it is at least our secondary feature. And the evidence would seem to support that…

The general topic of attractiveness is important to members of virtually every society and attractive people are recognized universally as being appealing, even across wildly varying cultures… This means that there is a measurable standard for beauty and what is generally found most desirable. But, what exactly is it? I desire tangible descriptions. I do not mean for this to be the definitive guide to attractiveness, but I have tried to cover the issue in some depth.



THE SCIENCE OF ATTRACTION

Researchers at Stockholm University have proposed that our decisions on whether we find someone attractive may be due to hormones that we were exposed to in utero or during puberty, our heavy reliance on visual information, the way our brains evolved systems to recognize/perceive/process various stimuli and/or our desire to pass “attractive genes” to our offspring so that they might have a higher probability of finding a mate and consequent reproductive success.

Okay, so let’s explore this…

According to exhaustive research done by Germany’s University of Leipzig, the thing that everyone finds sexually attractive in the opposite sex is symmetry. This is true in both the human and animal kingdoms. Faces with a high degree of symmetry are typically considered more attractive and symmetry has been associated with good health and genetic quality. Marked deviations from this mean are perceived to indicate lack of fitness or ill-health, a possible result of natural adaptive selection pressures underlying preferences. It is to our advantage to mate with somebody with the best possible genes, right? These will then be passed on to our children, ensuring that we have healthy kids, who will pass our own genes on for generations to come.

The symmetrical face…

Superficially, there is a formula for facial beauty involving symmetry … It happens to be the standard for learning to draw portraits:

The eyes are just above half of the way down the front of the head and should be 1/5 of the width of the face. Ears should lay flat to the head for the most part and extend from the middle of the eye to the opening of the mouth. Lip edges should line up with the pupil of the eye, no thicker than the closed eyelid. At the base, the nose should be just larger than the eye width and not sit too far above the lips. The bridge of the nose should extend straight and not be too protruding or flat. The chin should be gently rounded and smooth. The face in general should be oval-shaped with smooth skin and clear cheekbones. And the eyebrows should be tame and separate, but not too thin.

Large deviations that are easily perceived, such as a crooked mouth, deviated nose, eyes too far apart, or one eye too small, disrupt the perception of beauty.

That said, there are exceptions. Kate Moss is a successful model and her eye proportions are rather far off. And many people think Paris Hilton is beautiful when her face really fails the above.

Studies in humans conducted by researchers at MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) have shown that men in particular go for women with symmetrical faces and “hyperfeminine” facial characteristics, such as a small pointed chin… Men also are drawn to things that signal youth such as full lips, clear and smooth skin, clear eyes, lustrous hair, and good muscle tone (which makes sense when viewing a woman for her reproductive potential). This doesn’t work when taken to extremes though. Unfortunately for our perpetually youthful-looking friends of both sexes, babyfaceness isn’t associated with attractiveness. Less wrinkles as you age, perhaps, but not attractiveness.

The preference in women for symmetry is not quite so pronounced. However, for the judgment that is passed by women, men are apparently judged on the angle between their eyes and mouth and are considered more attractive based on cheekbone prominence and facial length. Those who have higher levels of testosterone are typically ranked as having more masculine faces, associated with the above characteristics. It is thought that women may use facial attractiveness as a proxy measure for a male’s physical strength.

Some evidence produced in a study conducted by the University of Toronto suggests that perhaps for women, it’s not the symmetry as much as the expressiveness of a face that counts. The study manipulated the features of asymmetric faces and found that, when the features were altered to enhance the symmetry of the face, the face was rated as less attractive. Researchers believed that the newly symmetric faces were less attractive perhaps because the faces were made to appear unemotional.

Carrying symmetry to the rest of the body…

It always comes back to symmetry… Beauty is objectively measurable.

The hour-glass figure: Studies have shown that men prefer women with a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7. You can calculate your own ratio using this formula:

waist measurement ÷ hip measurement = ratio

This seems to apply whatever the woman’s overall weight. A group of researchers compared this ratio with the average ratio of Miss America winners over the years. It was exactly the same. This ratio would seem to make sense as an indicator of a woman’s reproductive health. When women age their waist tends to become less pronounced as they put on fat around the stomach. This coincides with them becoming less fertile.

And guess what? Just as would be expected based on the above evidence, a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 20.85 has been determined as the most attractive weight for a woman.

If you are interested, your BMI is easy to calculate as well:

BMI= weight in pounds ÷ height in inches x height in inches multiplied by 703

In other words, if one is 5’10” and weighs 150 pounds, the calculation would look like this:

150/(70 x 70) = .0306

.0306 x 703 = BMI of 21.5

For the simpler metric system, BMI= weight in kilograms ÷ height in meters multiplied by height in meters

In other words, if one is 1.6 meters in height and weighs 50 kilograms, the calculation would look like this:

50/(1.6 x 1.6) = BMI of 19.53

In western culture men are generally regarded as attractive if they are broader at the shoulder and narrower at the hips (the general “V” shape); it suggests a physically strong and healthy male. Research has also found that women find a slim waist and a muscular chest attractive on men as well.

You even carry the idea of symmetry over to an individual’s skin… A young, healthy woman, for example, with clear skin (think of it as symmetrical skin) will be considered more attractive than an old, unhealthy woman with blotchy skin (which you can think of as unsymmetrical skin).

Rightly or wrongly, symmetry is perceived as an indicator of general good health and strength… And it is hardwired into our DNA to find that attractive.

Below are some examples of individuals that correlate to the “attractive symmetry” attributes described above…

Trigger Love

Jude Law

Adalina

Charlize Theron

James Dean

Sienna Miller

Brad Pitt

Myrna Loy

Zoe Saldana

George Clooney

Angelina Jolie

Rudolph Valentino

And last, but certainly not least, the woman described by many as the most beautiful in the world – Aishwarya Rai, Queen of Bollywood. She absolutely nails the symmetry guidelines detailed above for attractiveness…

OK, now the Science Of Attraction section starts getting creepy…

We apparently are also attracted to the look and smell of people who are most like our parents…

Mummy’s boys and Daddy’s girls?

The latest studies (one from the University of Montreal and another from the University of Oslo) indicate that what people really want is a mate that looks like their parents. Women are after a man who is like their father and men want to be able to see their own mother in the woman of their dreams.

At the University of St Andrews in Scotland, cognitive psychologist David Perrett studies what makes faces attractive. He has developed a computerized morphing system that can endlessly adjust faces to suit his needs.

Students in his experiments are left to decide which face they fancy the most. Perrett has taken images of students’ own faces and morphed them into the opposite sex. Of all the faces on offer, this seems to be the face that subject will always prefer. They can’t recognize it as their own, they just know they like it.

Perrett suggests that we find our own faces attractive because they remind us of the faces we looked at constantly in our early childhood years – Mom and Dad.

Creepy, huh? There’s more creepiness. Even the pheromone studies are now showing a preference for our parents’ characteristics…

Love is a sweaty T-shirt competition?

In 1995, Claus Wedekind of the University of Bern in Switzerland, asked a group of women to smell some unwashed T-shirts worn by different men. What he discovered was that women consistently preferred the smell of men whose immune systems were different from their own. This parallels what happens with rodents, who assess how resistant their partners are to disease by sniffing their pheromones. So it seems clear we are also at the mercy of our lover’s pheromones, just like rats.

It gets much worse on the creepiness scale though…

Fatherly fragrances

At the University of Chicago, Dr Martha McClintock has shown in her own sweaty T-shirt study that what women want most is a man who smells similar to their father. Scientists suggest that a woman being attracted to their father’s genes makes sense. A man with these genes would be similar enough that her offspring would get a tried and tested immune system. On the other hand, he would be different enough to ensure a wide range of genes for immunity. There seems to be a drive to reach a balance between reckless out-breeding and dangerous inbreeding.

Now, the below ties in to us being attracted to those that look the most like us…

Learn to love yourself?

Have you noticed how many married couples often look quite similar? As explained above, studies have shown that we prefer somebody who looks just like we do. And so, from a batch of individual photographs, researchers have discovered that people can spot who the couples are with unnerving reliability.

Research has uncovered that there is a correlation in couples between their:

Lung volumes

Middle finger lengths

Ear lobe lengths

Overall ear size

Neck and wrist circumferences

Metabolic rates

Although people agree on the desirability of more attractive people as romantic partners, the evidence shows that they select (or settle for?) mates who are similar to their own level of attractiveness.

************

So, are we completely at the mercy of chemistry and our subconscious? The above is what science says is attractive to us. However, this wasn’t good enough for me. I decided to hit the streets (metaphorically speaking) to investigate this topic further. I asked a number of my friends and a few complete strangers what was attractive to them.

If the submission was via email, I have entered the comments exactly as I received them (I am distancing myself from grammar and spelling errors, in other words).

If the comments were verbal, I checked with all parties that the comments were accurately transcribed. In some instances, I asked about things the person found to be unattractive. Here are the results:



Amanda S.

Hmm… on pure physical attributes I would have to say a nice back and shoulders (I’m a drooling sucker for toned back and shoulder muscles), short, neat hair (I like ’em clean cut), and smile. Confidence plays a big part in that too (at least the kind you can pick up without having a conversation with them… the way they carry themselves, etc.). I also like hands, for some odd reason… a guy that has big, rough, working man hands is a major turn on for me.

Unattractive – looking like you haven’t bought any new clothes since Jr. High, long hair (though I can over-look this if they have most of the attributes above, but their hair better not be ratty and gross), sickeningly skinny guys as well as overly over-weight guys, nasty teeth, and being really hairy.

I also like guys who can hold their liquor… nothing is more unattractive than a guy stumbling all over himself in a bar and looking like a total jackass. Being a little stumbly by the end of the night is OK – being shit-faced every time I see you at the bar by 8 pm and barely able to stand is NOT.

Alana

Nice, smooth skin, shiny and full hair, good teeth, eyes that sparkle, and a balance and symmetry to the facial features. Health and balance and vitality.

Jose

(To be fair, I have to include the opinions of guys as well… Jose is quite the player, excuse me, “playa” and is happily single. Below he describes his ideal in feminine beauty)…

Okay, starting with the eyes, they are almond-shaped, with arched eyebrows that makes them look open and inviting. The eyes are very important, especially if they smolder and look hot.

Their noses are long and straight with balanced size in proportion to the face; the nostrils are just right – not too large & wide or small & pinched. Even with black women, who tend to have wider noses, the attractive ones still have nice noses.

Their lips are full and sensual, with good teeth. Lips are also a VERY important feature. Thin lips can look mean or cruel, while fuller ones look kissable.

The face is a long oval type shape with a good jaw line, not too heavy & masculine, but feminine and well-defined.

The skin is clear and complexion looks even-toned without blemishes.

The hair hangs nicely, looks healthy, soft & lustrous and frames the face.

Overall I think it’s a matter of balance and proportion, i.e. the shape of the features and the distance apart they are from each other. Like an attractive face must hit the ‘Golden Ratio’.

Sienna

I would say the first thing would be a nice build, athletic looking, tall. Then maybe how they are dressed. I personally am a fan of jeans and a t-shirt with tennis shoes, casual. It also has a lot to do with how they walk. I think you can tell immediately if they look secure with themselves or not. So a good, confident walk is attractive. A nice smile is always good, a fucked up grill is always a deal breaker!!!

I don’t think I really become attracted to someone until I get to know them. I am more attracted to personality than looks. It always seems like the beautiful men have AWFUL personalities

Courtney

I find that posture and confidence can make or break beauty. A beautiful person who clearly slouches, walks with their head down and clearly put no effort into being presentable (tangled and dirty hair, unibrow- the extreme of not presentable that is) will not appear as attractive as a so so person who did a bit of quick primping, looks clean, and walks properly. I cant stand guys who have an ‘i just spent 10 hours playing xbox’ slouch 24/7. Moving with grace I think is a big thing… extreme clumsiness really throws an image off.

Molly

Attractive – shorter guys, well-built, good smile but not a creepy smile, a man that can grow a real beard – not pubic hair attached to the side of their face, absent-minded professor look with clothing, quirky dress

Unattractive – cologne, really tan guys (guys that fake tan), guys that cut the sleeves of their gym shirts all the way down to their belly button so their nipples and chest hang out. Guys that can’t grow a beard trying to grow one, feminine faces with waxed chests (Ab Fitch models that look like mannequins). Molly wants a normal guy and she can’t have a guy that would spend more on waxing than her…

Barbara

“Attractiveness is simply a subjective matter” – a quick smile, self-confidence, clean, gentlemanly behavior (“please”, “thank you”, etc.), nicely groomed, broad shoulders, guilelessness

Unattractive – smelly guys, mullets

Kim

Unattractive – scrawny guys, red hair, bad teeth

Amanda B.

Attractive – tall, trim guys with the ability to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously. (Amanda doesn’t care about short or long hair or facial hair, but no beards). Well-dressed whether it be “surfer well-dressed” or a “suit well-dressed” as long as they are put together well. Good smile, muscles but not a meathead with veiny muscles. (Doesn’t care if they have tattoos or piercings. Also attracted to redheads and good teeth).

Unattractive – rudeness, slobs, super-super hairy guys – like a Robin Williams hairiness level, short guys with a Napoleon complex

Brenda (a wacked out homeless chick)

Produced the answer of, “All I cares about is tha mothafucka has a big dick and a big wallet” after I gave her a dollar…

Sara

People are at their most physically attractive when they take care of themselves. The people most able to take care of themselves are those with higher levels of income.

So the people you see on flights from the U.S. to Rio or Budapest or the Riviera or wherever? These are the people who have the time to work out regularly, and the money to pay for gym memberships and personal trainers; organic, fresh produce and nutritional supplements; and top-of-the-line personal care products (shampoo, styling products, manicures, makeup, etc.). Also, these are the people who can afford to buy the most flattering clothes.

Tod

(I met and started talking to Tod at Bistro 33 because he was with a friend of a friend of mine. Tod was drunk and so this doesn’t flow as well as it might, but I think the thrust of his comments is clear).

Attractive – a girl that appears grounded and well read. This makes me wonder what kind of person they might be – how interesting they might be. I’m looking for a unique person – someone that demonstrates some kind of uniqueness. Someone that is their own person and doesn’t subscribe to all of the bullshit.

Unattractive – Superficial, dumbass bimbos with fake boobs and bleached hair

Elizabeth

Attractive – British accent, white t-shirts

Unattractive – excessive facial and body hair, “backne”, greasy hair, the line that guys with ripped abs get with their ab muscles below their belly button (the cut most guys strive for)…

Christie

It definitely begins with the eyes, as they are for sure “Le sentier à l’âme” (the pathway to the soul)

With the eyes, of course, comes the eyebrows, which for me, those on a man are the utmost sexiest thing there could possibly be!

On and on, then there is definitely the stride and the shoulders, particularly the broadness of them…

But even more importantly than that would be a beautiful, natural smile, for that tells you a person enjoys life!

For the unattractive stuff… Likely someone who appears to be miserable, or allows themselves to be dragged down by life’s hard times… and lack of confidence is serious too, although, this should not be mistaken for humbleness, as this is an incredible and powerful trait…and an excessive reeking, arrogance sucks too!

Rachel

Physically:

tall

slender build

big, expressive green eyes

long, thick, dark lashes

plump, kissable lips. no lizard-lips allowed, that is a HUGE turnoff

straight, pretty, delicate nose

dazzling smile

round, plump booty

beautiful hands

shapely legs

full head of hair, preferably long

freckles a plus

good biceps, not too huge though

no Neanderthal eyebrows! eyebrows should be well-shaped, preferably arched, and proportionate to the eyes and face shape; size and thickness are a non-issue

must smell “right”. I’m not talking cologne here… some guys’ natural, clean smell just turns me on while others are more bitter or just not quite right… this is a dealbreaker

sexy voice a MUST. this is a dealbreaker too. a velvety, slightly gritty baritone shivers my timbers

needs to feel “soft”… a thin layer of fat on the body, because I just don’t find any pleasure in caressing a rock… but I’m definitely not talking excess weight here, just a bit of softness…

soft body hair, no one likes stroking a porcupine

guys who move in a graceful, somewhat feline way

Nonphysical:

expressiveness

humor/wit, definitely mandatory and can make the ugliest man instantly a hottie

charm

passion for things in general

raging intellect combined with conversational skills

artistic talents are always a huge turn-on, almost mandatory in fact

These are the things that will make me drip from the crotch

Elle

Attractive – broad shoulders, short brown hair, light eyes, great smile, muscular (but not excessively so), tall, jeans and a t-shirt, the ability to laugh at themselves – confidence and a sense of humor are the most important and are absolutely required

Unattractive – bad teeth, bad glasses, short, big ears, red hair (Carrot Top style), sloppy appearance, back hair, greasy hair, braces

Margo

Look healthy – show a clean face; attend to wounds promptly; eliminate or hide lesions such as moles, pimples, and blemishes.

Avoid agents of aging – do not expose your face to the sun (or other radiation); avoid extreme environmental conditions such as strong hot and dry winds, extreme cold, or heat

Practice moderation – eat a balanced diet emphasizing foods good for the skin; avoid excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages and over-use of drugs; take a multi-vitamin.

Project a well groomed demeanor – faces are more attractive if the person carefully attends to their appearance.

Carefully consider accessories – clothing, such as hats, and accessories, such as jewelry, can improve the overall appearance of the face if appropriately chosen.

Michael

Attractive – athletic build, soft lips, blond hair/blue eyes, clean white teeth, natural and proportionate boobs, book and street-smart, slight bounce of the breasts as the girl walks

Unattractive – dirty fingernails, cocaine pinky fingernail, acne, upper lip hair, protruding “AK-47” nipples, large noses, collagen lips, back rolls, fat rolls in the front that hang down over the waistline, blue eye shadow, cheek piercings, “baby talk” (Michael doesn’t mean calling someone “baby”, but talking in a cooing baby voice), smoker, anorexic look with protruding ribs, bad teeth, vaginal odor, fake tans, pale/ghostly white skin – the worst look is a girl with pale skin, black hair and freckles, body-builder muscles, 2nd toe longer than big toe, women that wear NASCAR gear, New York accent/attitude, coke bottle glasses, high-pitched voices, socks with sandals, needy/clingy women, hooker boots with a short skirt, the hot chick at the bar that expects you to buy her a drink because she is hot, cottage cheese thighs, sleeve tattoos, unshaven bikini line, obesity, heavy drug user, stumpy legs, armpit hair, smacking of the lips as a girl chews her gum, young single mothers, large asses, Ugg boots, large designer sunglasses, 80s bangs

Nicole

Physical beauty is only a component of overall attractiveness, albeit an important one. Your physical deficiencies can be offset by tasteful clothing, an engaging personality, your skills and interests, and your achievements.

Bea

what makes me attracted to a guy: a great smile (and face in general), at least 5’9 or so, but above all…an amazing personality! he has to be nice, funny, caring…you know

Abby

Attractive people?

1) smile

2) sense of humor

3) self confidence

4) passion

Liz

A guy who has a great sense of humor and can make me laugh, hot body/toned, tall, great smile, he’s dependable and intelligent, cool and laid back, and someone who can always make me smile :)

Nikki P.

I don’t claim that good looks don’t count as I would be lying. I am attracted to handsome men who know how to choose their clothes according to the latest trends in fashion, who have interesting and funky hair-styles, and who wear a piercing in the eye-brow or in the tongue. It is quite difficult to find a man who has all these qualities, but it is not impossible.

For me charisma and sex appeal are those ingredients which make me lose my mind. If a guy has only one of these qualities then it means he promises something, but if he has both of them he is the perfect candidate for winning my heart. Should I be lucky enough to find someone with a good sense of humor and with an extroverted character and always ready to make new friends – then all my dreams come true.

Julie R.

What doesn’t help (for me):

+ cosmetics

+ clothing style

+ piercings

+ tatoos

What does help (for me):

+ overall appearance of good health

+ curves where nature intended them

+ demeanor, attitude, ‘carriage’

+ receptivity

Ken

(Ken is gay and commented on both men and women)

Attractive – dark hair with light eyes, faces that are different – not the chiseled look, confidence, women that look mature and proper

Unattractive – bad feet, bad teeth, overweight, buff/muscular guys

Ken made the comment that, “Men want good mothers in a woman and women want good providers in a man.”

Michelle

It tends not to correlate with anything noticeable, i.e. the person may not be particularly good-looking, you may not know them, they may even not seem all that nice, but there is something that causes arousal and desire to have sex with them. I know that there is a theory that one of the “mysterious” factors in attraction is scent – we may be attracted to some people because we subconsciously recognize that their smell is different enough from our own to indicate that they have a compatible immune system. Ideal for making babies with a strong chance for survival! Certainly, if someone smells too familiar to me I am slightly revolted regardless of how nice a person they may be and how well I get on with them even though I’m not sexually attracted to them and it shouldn’t be a problem.

So basically, what makes someone “sexy” or “sexually attractive” is a few physical traits and some mysterious as yet undiscovered factors.

Amber

What attracts me to a guy is really strange. If they have nice teeth the next thing I look for is a brain. If they don’t care enough about themselves to take care of their teeth then it is a losing situation from the start..not saying perfect teeth -just cared for. I honestly go nuts for a man who is intelligent and well rounded, they are usually sarcastic as well. If they make me laugh then it is a bonus. I will melt over a smart man. For meaningful relationship the only difference would be if they are willing to grow and change as I do. stupid huh?

Kasey

What i find attractive is intelligence and emotional understanding, but also they have to have that chemistry with me. For some reason I don’t find “square bod ” type men attractive, but tall, lean-bodied, soft, gentle men.

Parker

I love a sexy foreign accent. Those similar to cristiano ronaldo, arsenium, cesc fabregas etc are all pretty sexy and make me drool (you can catch them on youtube)

Another is when, you know how simon cowell has that sort of attitude and charisma which makes a lot of people go “wow”? I like that. Also, when he is flirtatious but doesn’t just want the one thing.

Lastly you know when people adapt their own style, I think that’s really sexy. Like, when men wear things like berets instead of football shirts, or wear jeans with a blazer…Just somebody who has fashion sense, please!

In relationships I look for more than a bit of fun, I look for somebody who I can have good conversations with (and talk about stuff like life, etc…) and where my opinion has a right to be heard as well as theirs. Generally a NICE person.

Jessica

Physical features can definitely make someone beautiful on the outside. Good bone structure, good skin, healthy shiny hair, white, straight teeth, good coloring, full lips, etc.

Confidence (imho) can turn any person into a truly beautiful person. I’ve seen men that I thought were just smokin’ hot and later realized physically they look nothing like what I’d normally consider hot just to look at, but I’d be drooling over them anyway. Some people just have magnetism and I think that comes from being confident. Not cocky and conceited, but comfortable in their own skin.

Lauren

First of all, it comes down to chemistry, a spark between people – usually brought on by several characteristics: similar sense of humour (very important), kindness, loyalty, intelligence, a passion for life, ambition and thoughtfulness. This is my list mind you and everyone has a different one. And I still stick by my vote that MONEY is not important to me in the least. Yes, this is probably because I have money. But so what? It just doesn’t matter to me – ambition does, but that is not ruled by the all-mighty dollar. I want a man to have goals for himself and his life, to want to strive to get there – whether these goals mean selling his paintings on the street or what have you.

Looks are important – this is always stressed by everyone. But what about them? ATTRACTION is important, not looks. I can be attracted to the strangest people (Conan O’Brien, or Jack Black anyone?) that are not conventionally good-looking just because something else they possess pulls me towards them (mainly humour, fun, good-spirit etc).

So, thankfully, the homeliest guy can be found attractive to me if there are other factors that surpass that and add up to the thing called “chemistry”.

But can the most handsome guy be found bland if the chemistry lacks?

Lexi

Maybe being TOO attractive can render someone unattractive.

I met a friend of a friend for drinks the other day – while I knew what he looked like and had been talking to him for a while, I was SHOCKED to meet him face to face.

He was tall – 6’4”, in a snazzy pinstripe suit and tie, shiny aviator glasses, nicely browned from recent days in the Indonesian sun. Oh and he looked like a BETTER looking version of James Franco. A 6’4” James Franco look alike.

My first thought, “I think I’ve seen this guy on the cover of GQ” followed by “he is WAY too good-looking to be seen with me.”

Maybe I am just easily impressed – a suit and tie does do it for me everytime (love that old-fashioned glamour), I suppose because I very rarely see guys my age wearing one (GQ was 30 and had to wear one for work). I also notice that I rarely see any guy that I would consider “hot” – maybe because attraction for me always happens after I get to know them. So when I see someone who would – by Hollywood standards – be considered “gorgeous” – it’s a bit of a novelty.

As we walked down the street to the Freehouse bar overlooking English Bay, I couldn’t help but feel like I was with a celebrity. This guy had every woman on the street turning heads. Suddenly I felt like laughing my ass off – I felt like the dumpy female with the hot guy and imagined all the women going “how did someone like her get someone like him?”

It was a turn-off, actually.

Maybe I am unfairly putting GQ guy into a box but in my opinion and experience, really good-looking guys are unfaithful. They cheat. They can’t be monogamous. They have no sense of loyalty. They are conceited. Vain. Shallow. Arrogant. Uncaring. Unkind. Flaky. Bad in bed (according to Samantha from SATC because “they never had to be good”). Have roving eyes. Expect perfection from those with them. They are fake. They have no faith. You can never trust them. They are good liars. They induce insecurity.

Ashley

(she’s bi, so I had her comment on men and women)

Typically, both would have symmetrical faces, straight nose, large eyes and straight teeth. The woman will have fuller lips and the man a stronger chin and jaw.

The woman will have an hour-glass figure, BMI 20.8, and be average height

Man would have broad shoulders, be tall and slightly muscular.

For typically beautiful, the woman would have longish hair and the man short. Neither would have facial piercings or tattoos.

Donna E

What makes someone attractive… this is a tough question. I think I’ve never asked myself which are the features that makes me think “I like this guy”. It is not something easy to describe. When you see someone you like, you just know it, you don’t interrogate yourself why you like him. I believe that each one of us is usually attracted to a person with a similar personality, behavior and mentality. I personally find attractive guys that are confident but not arrogant, curious, travelers, ready to explore and not scared of taking risks during their lives. Of course, physical beauty plays an important role as well. I’d be a liar if I declared” personality is the only factor that matters”, because we all know that a hot guy is much better than an ugly one. We like to show off our dude. I find attractive guys with sporty outfits, but not too sporty, for example tennis shoes, loose jeans and a simple colorful shirt. Short hair, preferably light, no beard, no goatee. I completely dislike tight jeans and shirts, gelled hair and pointy shoes. No way!

I don’t like arrogance, excessive confidence and selfishness. In addition, I can’t stand guys that are too close to their parents, so close that it becomes an insane relationship. One of my exes used to do everything for his parents, even when we were together somewhere, if his mum suddenly called because she needed a ride to the market, he would immediately take the car and drive all the way back to his home to pick up his mum. If a guy is like that, I don’t want any part of it. I learnt my lesson.

MY PERSONAL OBSERVATIONS:

This issue is more complex than space here allows, but in general, unless we’re talking about raw sexual attraction, one’s physical attractiveness alone is not likely to influence any other person’s behavior significantly (unless you are a leper). Someone interested in career success, in their love life, in their own self-satisfaction, in anything other than just being attractive, should focus on their creative skills and especially their interpersonal abilities, and less upon their physical beauty. This conclusion does not mean that one should be unconcerned about one’s appearance, demeanor, and behaviors – these are different issues from physical attractiveness though. Which brings us to perceptions…

When I was interviewing my girl friends for this article, I had the hardest time getting them to separate physical attributes from perceived attributes such as confidence or an ability to be a good provider. This made me realize that this area had to be addressed.

Many women made the point that they were looking for a guy that shows he is able to “provide” e.g. by being successful, well-off, etc. To put this in a biological context, it seems women are driven to observe the ability of a man to offer food and protection. This wouldn’t necessarily be indicated in a man’s genes, but in his rank and status, for example.

However, the number one feature that women listed as being attractive was confidence. Confidence seems to play a huge role. Perhaps this plays into the “provider” image because a confident guy will come across as knowing what he is doing. And if a guy knows what he is doing, he is able to provide, right? Anyone else want to weigh in on this speculation?

Regardless of the reason for confidence being attractive, I have seen endless amounts of evidence that it can allow one to carry the day in even the most adverse circumstances. Just to give a couple of recent examples from my personal life: When a good friend got a laughably ridiculous mullet haircut in Las Vegas, the girls loved it because it takes a confident guy to do something like that. And, when I purchased the jacket pictured below (my cousin is being funny – she does not normally look like that) and wore it around town to amuse myself – the girls loved it. And again, it is because it takes a confident guy to do something like that (which is exactly how a girl in a Patagonia shop described the appeal to me). Also consider movie stars that many women consider attractive – Johnny Depp, Edward Norton, Jack Black, etc. They are not necessarily attractive guys in the traditional sense, but they portray confident characters in movies and that is attractive.

Finally, I waited until the end to make this point, but I’m going to call bullshit on all of the girls that say they are attracted to a “nice” guy… I have never seen anything but nice guys finishing last. A chick may say she wants a nice guy and may even believe what she says, but at the end of the day, the nice guy is going home by himself or with an uggo.