I’ve never been one to buy into conspiracy theories, but have you noticed something odd about all these supposed starving children in all those commercials? You know, the ones that try to pull at your heartstrings, asking for money to feed kids who allegedly haven’t eaten in weeks?

Oh, sure, at first blush, they might look like they’re dirt poor, living in a one-room thatch hut in some remote village with no running water, no sewage system, and no access to food or health care. But take a closer look, and you’ll see these so-called “forgotten children” are really just crisis actors hired to dupe gullible people into handing over their hard-earned money to George Soros.

That’s right. Those kids are probably eating better than you and me.

Don’t believe me? Well, if they really are as malnourished as the people on the commercials say they are, why are so many of their bellies so damn big? Last time I checked, the only things that give you a big ol’ gut like that are either food, beer, or pregnancy, and I don’t think those fat little boys are pregnant or knocking back Bud Lights.

Flies are attracted to food, which means their faces still smell like the vittles they ate just before the cameras starting rolling.

Then there are the flies on their faces. Some people see that and think, “Oh, poor thing! How sad!”

Well, here’s a fun fact: Flies are attracted to food, which means their faces still smell like the vittles they ate just before the cameras starting rolling.

And the next time one of those sob-story ads comes on, don’t change the channel because it’s too depressing. Watch it. Watch their eyes. They just stare at the camera with these glum faces. Who does that? They’ve obviously been coached to do it to make people feel bad for not giving money.

Of course, every now and then, you’ll see one of them slip and look away from the camera. That’s because the little “famished” thespian went off script and was getting instructions from the production crew.

If that’s not enough, ask yourself this: If these kids are so poor, how did they afford to move to Africa? And how can they possibly be both in Africa AND on my TV at the same time? Those ads are obviously shot where they faked the moon landing.

So don’t fall for it, people. Those children are nothing but paid actors pretending to be poor and hungry.

Same thing goes for those sappy ASPCA commercials with all the supposedly “abused” animals. The cats, dogs, horses, whatever: They’re all crisis actors, stooges for the left wing.

Honestly, how stupid do they think we are?