by Nigel P. Crustingham, staff writer

After fleeing the overt racism and intolerance of the British people, The Duchess of Sussex has relocated to the only Western nation that is safe for minorities these days — Canada.

Upon her arrival the duchess was warmly received by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who greeted her with a konnichiwa and a Hawaiian lei before exchanging the breath of life with her in the traditional Maori fashion.

The hongi is a traditional Maori greeting.

Trudeau then apologized on behalf of the Royal Family for how horribly she’d been treated and gently reassured the duchess that the Canadian taxpayers would be delighted to pick up the tab for her and her husband’s living expenses.

The Duchess of Sussex expressed her appreciation for the generosity of the Canadian people with a stiff nod and a lecture on white privilege. The Prime Minister then apologized on behalf of all white people and proceeded to drag the duchess’s luggage out to the attending limousine, repeating the apology in French after his second trip.

READ: Conservatives are mad because Justin Trudeau has more class and style than Trump ever will

NPC Daily is delighted the Duchess of Sussex has found sanctuary in Canada. The Canadian legal system is famously progressive, and the duchess’s gender, racial identity, and refugee status entitle her to all sorts of special protections.

Fans of Meghan Markle may rest easy knowing that the nasty old Queen Biddy cannot hurt her anymore.