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Poor people should be making nutritious meals out of their household pets according to TV chef Jamie Oliver. Taking a break from a busy day of shouting at patrons of a kebab shop in Basildon through a megaphone, the mockney grub stirrer told us

“It’s outrageous. I visited some poor people as part of my new show and watched them tuck into chips and cheese out of Styrofoam containers when they also have a dirty great Labrador or Great Dane sitting there. If they were to chop one of those up, they’d have a weeks worth of steak, sausages, chilli con carne and from not spending their money on takeaways they can have wine with their dinner like nice people.

“In Mediterranean countries poor people simply bring their pets to a town centre where they’re all used to make a giant bollo misto or paella. Then they all have a glass of wine and do a dance. “

Mr Oliver’s new series “Jamie’s Dog Dinners” is expected to be accompanied by the sale of an expensive book. “The cover will be me running over some domestic animals on me scooter” he explained.

One TV chef who is unlikely to be purchasing the book is the quirky Nigel Slater “I like to potter around the kitchen cooking and talking, whether the cameras are there or not. But I don’t like to follow recipes to the letter. I’ll just throw a cat in a pot and see where it takes me.”