It's been four years since my last journal update (or any serious activity on deviantart). I'd just like to say that not only am I writing a novel now, but I am also learning how to draw! How exciting!



For those that are still watching me after all these years, thank you for stalking my human-less account for all this time. How does it feel to watch a phantom?



You want to hear about what has happened to me since I was last on here? Well it's a bit of a long story...



* I became addicted to cigars, but then went cold turkey, resulting in a 15% drop in cigar sales globally.

* I successfully busted a Mafia, using only a bubble gun, and my sense of wit.

* I hacked into a commercial website, using a toaster, and improved their design, resulting in a 15% mark up in sales.

* I sailed through a sea storm, got stranded on an island, roped a couple of sea turtles. Oh wait, that's not me... Next!

* I made a box office hit movie, made entirely from footage shot of me drinking coffee.

* I accidentally drove through a red light, got a ticket, protested it, and won, resulting in lower fine rates for civilians in western civilizations.

* I trained a pig to fly. Unfortunately, I haven't found a way to do it without gasoline.

* I attempted to dig a hole to China, but had to stop when I ran out of shovels. I tried using my fingernails, but they wore away too quickly.

* I sung to a volcano, to calm it down, saving the lives of everyone in the Southern Hemisphere.

* In Siberia, I got thrown into prison for drinking all the vodka in the country.

* I escaped from said prison, by carving a working AK-47 out of butter, and gunning down six guards with it.

* I helped a Texan break the world speed record, after I finished a bar fight with him.

* I turned lead into gold without a transmutation circle, or a philosopher's stone.

* I shot the sheriff, performed surgery on him and saved his life, all while carving the periodic table in the sand, with my eyes closed.

* And finally, my biggest (and only true) achievement, has been coming back to Deviantart! Thank you so much for having me!



Ladies and gentlemen of Deviantart, I'm back.