HOUSTON—Startling the 10 candidates who qualified to participate in the event, Marianne Williamson materialized on the debate stage in a puff of purple smoke Thursday, proclaiming the Democratic National Committee’s polling requirements were no match for the power of positive thinking. “The DNC thinks I need to get at least 2% in four qualifying polls, but they think so small,” said the author and presidential hopeful, who announced that by unlocking a deep and powerful mental space at the core of her being, she could participate in the debate at Texas Southern University despite having failed to meet the “narrow-minded” threshold set by party leaders. “By avoiding all negative thoughts and putting mind over matter, I have been able to transcend mere material concerns such as poll numbers. While I don’t have the necessary support of voters, I do have something far more valuable: a profound belief in the oneness of all living things.” At press time, sources confirmed a podium of pure light had sprung up before Williamson as she began to answer a question from George Stephanopoulos about how she would respond as president to an economy on the brink of recession.

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