When she learned of the El Paso mass shooting, Patricia Oliver was forced to relive her nightmare.

But this time, the flood of memories was worse for the mother, whose son was killed in the Parkland, Florida, school shooting. That’s because she was only miles away from the massacre.

Patricia and her husband, Manuel, happened to be in the El Paso region on Saturday when a gunman killed 22 people in a crowded Walmart. The couple, whose 17-year-old son, Joaquin, was killed at Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school last year, had planned a trip with their 27-year-old daughter to Texas in honor of what would have been their son’s 19th birthday. They planned to visit with migrants in Ciudad Juárez, Mexico, just across the border, and paint a mural in El Paso to celebrate Joaquin.

Instead, the family found themselves at the center of yet another mass shooting in America, one of two massacres in less than 24 hours.

“It was like a deja vu,” Patricia told the Guardian, as she prepared to leave El Paso on Monday morning. As roads around her went on lockdown on Saturday in the wake of the shooting, she was reminded of the road closures that made it hard for her to get to her husband on 14 February 2018, when she first learned of the school shooting and left her office.“It’s awful.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Manuel Oliver works on a mural in El Paso honoring his son. Photograph: Vernon Bryant/AP

She was not, however, surprised. “I was really mad – very, very mad.” As common as these tragedies have become, she said she did not want America to accept this as “our new reality”. “We have to take that out of our minds. This is not normal, at all. Never, ever.”

The couple have become vocal advocates for stricter gun laws, traveling across the country to fight for reforms. They are originally from Venezuela and are also passionate about fighting for the rights of immigrants – a subject that was of great importance to their son.

“Joaquin was very concerned about the treatment that the United States gave to immigrants,” Manuel said. “That was one of his things to fight for, and we wanted to share that with everybody by honoring our son on his 19th birthday. It made perfect sense for us.”

The two traveled to Juárez, where migrants and asylum seekers have been suffering in the wake of the Trump administration’s “remain in Mexico” policy, which has resulted in tens of thousands of people being turned away. They were on the Mexico side of the border when they started getting messages asking if they were OK. That’s when they learned that directly across the border, a popular Texas shopping center that draws patrons from Juárez and El Paso had become the latest site of bloodshed.

“I get this news on a regular basis, at least once a week. We are in this fight. This is what we do now,” said Manuel. “But this was very close to us, in a state that is really promoting guns everywhere.”

This shooting shared similarities with many of the deadliest US massacres in recent years – a young white suspect killing many and injuring dozens in a short span of time in a packed public space. But this time authorities labeled it an act of domestic terrorism and launched a hate crime investigation after reports that the gunman had written a racist and xenophobic manifesto that warned of a “Hispanic invasion of Texas”.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Beto O’Rourke joins the family during an unveiling ceremony for Oliver’s mural. Photograph: Cedar Attanasio/AP

The document directly echoed the president’s anti-immigrant rhetoric, and some have said the shooting marks the deadliest anti-Latino attack in modern US history.

That reality made it all the more upsetting to Manuel to read Trump’s tweet on Monday morning saying the weekend’s violence should inspire lawmakers to pass “desperately needed immigration reform”.

“I don’t recall immigrants involved in mass shootings, as shooters. When they are involved, they are victims, just like Joaquin,” he said. “We are a family of immigrants … This is hitting us in both ways. We were a target two days ago.”

He continued: “This president is really not concerned about saving lives. He’s just bringing in the immigration issue as if that will solve problems.”

Patricia said she wanted to see the president “take responsibility”, adding: “He created this hatred. He created this division. He has to fix it, and he has to watch his words.”

On Sunday, Joaquin’s birthday, the couple went to Las Americas Immigrant Advocacy Center in El Paso, and Manuel completed his planned mural, which included an image of his son’s face, next to the words: “Separating me from my mom was not a good idea … Now you have to deal with her. Good luck!”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Oliver works on the mural on Sunday. Photograph: Vernon Bryant/AP

On Monday morning, the sidewalk by the mural was adorned with flowers and candles, under the words Manuel added after the tragedy: “El Paso no está solo” (meaning “El Paso is not alone”).

Manuel said it was vital to fight for better gun policy in the immediate aftermath of tragedy: “This is the right moment to ask for changes and make demands of our leaders … This is the time to talk about guns. This is when the media is covering the story. We know that from Parkland.”

The father said he was moved by an old tweet written by his son before his death, which seemed especially powerful this week. Joaquin addressed his message to Trump supporters, asking “if they could live without me”.

“If I vanished today would you be happy? … Not even just me but anyone being discriminated by your president. Would you guys be 100% okay with your immigrant friends never existing in your life? … If you stay quiet, you’re supporting him. So fight for us and we’ll fight for you. Love us and we’ll love you.”

Patricia said her son was her motivation to keep advocating, even in the hardest times.

“Since this happened to us, I swore to Joaquin that this won’t be in vain,” she said.