A COUPLE who claim their local recycling scheme is bafflingly complicated are actually just reactionary twats who like complaining, it has emerged.

Roy and Sheila Hobbs regularly criticise the simple fortnightly system, but mainly because they hate environmentalism which they consider to be a left-wing conspiracy.

Roy Hobbs said: “With three different bins we don’t know if we’re coming or going. Only an insane bureaucrat could have dreamt up a nightmare like this.

“Apparently you should recycle batteries but you can’t put them in your grey recycling bin, which makes no sense whatsoever. It’s like being trapped in a Kafka novel.

“I suppose next if you accidentally forget to rinse out a jam jar they’ll send round some enviro-fascist bully boys with knuckledusters to beat the recycling rules into you.

“Personally I’m very pro-environment, I’m just sick of left-wingers using global warming as an excuse to raise taxes then telling me I can’t put cat litter in the garden bin.”

Wife Sheila said: “You need a blooming PhD to keep track of these fortnightly collections. I think they expect you to sit up all night with a calculator working out which bin’s next.

“This recycling madness is why we need to cut government spending, scrap all benefits and only spend taxes on the army, police and hangings.”