“That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.” – Elizabeth Wurtzel

A friend of mine once told me that I was going through this depression for a purpose. She didn’t know what the purpose of it was, but she promised that there was a reason for my pain. What purpose could there be for my pain? What had I done to deserve what I was going through? Why me? At the time I thought that was the biggest load of crap I had ever heard in my life.

I was wrong.

At the time I hadn’t understood what my friend had meant. I didn’t know what purpose my depression could possibly serve. I’ve come to realize though, that it’s not knowing what the purpose of the pain is, it’s choosing to believe your pain has a purpose.

I don’t know why I am going through what I am going through, but I am now choosing to believe that there is a purpose for it. Choosing to believe this seems to numb the pain I feel at least a little bit. Maybe this pain is molding me to be stronger. Maybe it is preparing me for a loss that is forthcoming. Maybe I’m just over thinking this whole thing. In the end I suppose that I will know what purpose my depression has served. At that time I would love to be able to look back at it and say, “Yes, the pain was worth it.” Chances are I won’t feel that way, but for now that’s what I am choosing to believe.

Posted in Life

Tags: Depression, Life, meaning, pain, purpose