If there are any stray British MRAs reading this blog, have I found an opportunity for you! How would you like to serve under the political whiz-kid who triumphantly led the Justice for Men And Boys (and women who love them) Party a landslide victory in the UK election this May, unexpectedly winning 216 seats in …

Oh, wait, the party didn’t win 216 seats. It got 216 votes. Out of 30,691,680 total votes cast, for a stunning 0.0007% of the total.

That’s one-fortieth the votes received by the Cannabis Is Safer Than Alcohol party, one-eighteenth of those won by the old school classic Monster Raving Loony Party. (Note to non-Brits: those are both real parties.) 153 of these votes were for J4MB leader and A Voice for Men friend Mike Buchanan; 63 went to the party’s other candidate.

Anyway, fresh off this magnificent triumph, Buchanan has just announced that he’s now taking applications for an assistant — that is, for the prestigious post of Deputy Leader for the party. He’s looking for someone who will help to “enable the party to move to the next stage of its development.” which presumably involves getting more than 0.0007% of the vote next time.

Why not just appoint one of the party’s dedicated political activists to the position? Apparently they’re all a bit too embarrassed to take the job. As Buchanan delicately explains it in a post on his blog,

[a] number of outstanding people who have been central to the party’s success to date wish to remain ‘below the radar’ for a variety of reasons, and have therefore declined the position.

Yes, that’s right, in a sentence in which he admits that literally no one in the party wants to be its Deputy Leader, Buchanan refers to “the party’s success to date” as if it has been anything else but the most abject of failures.

But at least Buchanan has a clear strategy for WINNING next time, in the Charlie Sheen sense at least. In a post-election discussion of the party’s plans for 2020, Buchanan explains

Following a strategic review, we’re changing our position on the political parties we challenge at general elections. Until now we’ve taken the position that we’ll decide some time before general elections whether we’ll target the marginal seats of the Conservatives or the Labour party. Our new strategy is to challenge the party in power – i.e. the Conservatives until 7 May 2020 – or parties, if and when we again have a coalition government. … By targeting Conservative marginal seats in 2020 we’ll increase the possibility that the party won’t be re-elected, and it will then have five years in opposition to reconsider their anti-male policy positions.

Emphasis mine. I’m sure the Tories are quaking in their boots as they consider the literally dozens of votes you may take away from them.

Buchanan says the party, which ran two candidates in the May elections, will put up 20 candidates in 2020.

Oh, by the way, J4MB is seeking applicants for candidates as well.

In case no one wants these jobs either, let me spell out some of their fine benefits:

Talking to Mike Buchanan regularly (probably)

Meeting the party’s new Deputy Leader (position yet unfilled)

Almost certainly losing the £500 deposit you and the party will put down so you can run in the election (which is only returned if you score more than 5% of the votes cast)

A ride in the J4MBmobile (probably)

Having your friends and relatives laugh at your for the rest of your life after you win fewer votes than the Ow Me Bum Hurts party candidate (NOTE: the Ow Me Bum Hurts party does not exist — yet).

Get in on the ground floor sub-basement of this exciting new political phenomenon!

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