The Backwards Rhyme

The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:

Ladies and Gentlemen, hobos and tramps.

Bug eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants.

I come before you, to stand behind you,

To tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,

There's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;

Wear your best clothes if you haven't any.

Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.

Admission is free, so pay at the door;

Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

It makes no difference where you sit,

The man in the gallery's sure to spit.

The show is over, but before you go,

Let me tell you a story I don't really know.

One bright day in the middle of the night

Two dead boys got up to fight

Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and shot each other.

One was blind and the other couldn't see

So they chose a dummy for a referee

A blind man went to see fair play

A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

He lived on the corner in the middle of the block,

In a two-story house on a vacant lot;

A paralyzed donkey passing by

Kicked the blind man in the eye

Knocked him through a nine inch wall

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all

The long black hearse came to cart him away,

But he ran for his life and is still gone today.

The deaf policeman who heard the noise

Came and shot the two dead boys.

The mute psychotic shrieked in fright,

With words of joy at this ghastly sight.

I watched from the corner of the big round table,

The only eyewitness to facts of my fable;

If you don't believe my lie is true

Ask the blind man he saw it too.