By Daniel Brinkley

I’m facing a moral quandary right now. I’m a progressive person and I want what’s best for Ontario, but the Liberals and NDP have made a controversial promise that I think goes too far.

That’s right people, I’m talking about free dental.

Every day as we learn more about Doug Ford’s “platform,” it becomes more and more clear that he is a dangerous populist who would do more harm to our province than I think we can even imagine. But as much as I don’t want to vote for him, I just love giving my dentist money too much not to.

I’m a hypocrite, I know. But when I hear the Liberals and the NDP talking about universal dental coverage, I get palpitations. New sex-ed curriculum? Great. Free pharmacare, free mental health care—fantastic, I’m all for it. But I draw the line at taking away my paid dental.

I know he’s a bigot and that he doesn’t know what he‘s talking about, but even watching him claim that he can defund the CBC cannot overcome my irrational compulsion to pay for root canals out of pocket.

You might be wondering where this urge comes from, but I really couldn’t say. Honestly, it might be sexual. I know that I definitely have trouble getting it up if I haven’t had a $200 cleaning in six months.

I’m ready for people to hate me. They’ll say “you’re going to vote for this monster you completely disagree with based on one issue, even knowing how many people will get screwed over? Just because you get a euphoric swelling at the mere thought of answering ‘no’ to the question ‘do you have insurance?’”

Yes, I am, and that’s exactly right. What good is a $15 minimum wage anyway, if you can’t use your full paycheck to get your cavities filled.

It doesn’t have to be like this though. Ms. Wynne, Ms. Horvath, there’s still time. You both have great platforms, just allow me to continue funding Dr. Milligan’s kite sailing hobby in peace.