In Andrew Scheer, the Conservative Party has its stalemate.

We elected the guy whose job was to be impartial on literally everything.

When Andrew Scheer was announced to have barely inched across the 50% threshold on the 13th and final ballot at the Conservative Party Leadership Convention, the crowd responded with an impressive display of Canadian passive aggressive politeness. While about a quarter of those in attendance cheered genuinely, for most, the upset was a stunning non-result. A few confetti cannons and a small balloon drop marked a moment that many had come to dread- It was a tie. In the end, a Harper protégé beat out Bernier by a fraction of a percentage point, determined entirely by down-ballot support.

Scheer (pictured in tricorne hat and robe), Official Mascot of the Ottawa Elite

Since no candidate in the race was ever able to break 30% support, ultimately the race was decided by an excruciatingly slow consolidation of ranked-ballot votes, making it as close to a statistical tie as the process can possibly be. So while it’s not surprising the Robed Guy won out over the Libertarian Separatist in the final round, the whole process seems like a non-result. And why would anyone, other than Ottawa insiders and the party’s small, hard-right base know who Andrew Scheer is? As Speaker of the House of Commons, a largely ceremonial administrative role whose substantive duties amount to being an impartial babysitter for a bunch of partisan bickering, he was excused from voting on all legislation except to break a tie. And while it’s highly unorthodox for the impartial speaker to reenter the partisan fray, his harmless demeanour and cute dimples seem to make him a perfect response to Mr. Selfie.

~Sigh~

A Triumph of Mediocrity

Some have tried to spin the statistical averaging of everyone’s most tolerable down-ballot pick, yielding a younger, harder Stephen Harper, as some sort of “safe choice”. Meanwhile, the giant elephant in the room is that picking Scheer is a return to the exact same position that was rejected, resoundingly, by young people in 2015. It’s the inevitable result of a young party still grappling with a bitter ideological split but dominated by its older, hard-right base.

Whether Scheer truly seeks to be “a consensus candidate” or proceeds with a hard-right agenda remains to be seen.

Could be worse.

But as the sober morning after sets in for the candidates and the party, the future looks bright. Kellie Leitch’s brand of division is almost certainly finished on the national stage. Kevin O’Leary has returned to his rightful place as a B-List CBC pundit. And Michael Chong’s impressive showing demonstrates momentum for the party’s long-term generational shift as well as a willingness to reimagine conservatism in a contemporary context.

Going forward to 2019, the party will have plenty of time to reflect on the true meaning of “Leadership”. Also, “Tokenism”.

Ultimately, we can be thankful that Canada hasn’t gone down the Trumpian Rabbit Hole. And a continuation of Harper’s rejected legacy is probably the best the left could have reasonably hoped for. For the Conservatives around Scheer, we can only hope they finally get their shit together and start acting in the best interests of the country, rather than just their out-of-touch base.

Either way, Scheer’s win is a tolerable and boring end to a fucked up process that saw baser human instincts laid bare in a sad display of racist dog-whistling and explicit xenophobia.

And for those still trying to denigrate unprecedented political engagement as “entryism”, maybe consider that the real reason you lost is because our ideas were better. Idiots.