Prime Minister resigns

The Prime Minister has announced his intention to quit this evening, saying “in short, my performance was not what it could or should be.”

The Prime Minister revealed his plan to resign outside Downing Street this evening.

Prime Minister TheNoHeart has announced that he is to step downing as Prime Minister as soon as his Liberal Democrats have chosen a new leader to take over Downing Street in coming days. The major announcement had been trailed several hours before, and was relatively short, but with huge implications for the country going forward.

Mr NoHeart, who has led the country since the formation of the Liberal Alliance government in early September following an inconclusive set of election results, appeared behind the podium which had been erected outside Downing Street at 8 o’clock exactly to deliver his succinct, but emotional statement in front of the iconic door.

He began his statement saying “It’s never easy to pen out these statements, but I owe it to everyone to give a full explanation, an apology and take action as a result of what’s happened. In politics, you are drawn by passion and limited by practicality. In truth, I couldn’t have become Prime Minister at a worse time in my life.”

Explaining that handling his Prime Ministerial responsibilities with his other life commitments had become impossible, he told a shocked nation “In short, my performance was not what it could or should be, and because of that, I’d like to apologise from the bottom of my heart.”

“While I wish I could say to you now that I’ve perfected my schedule and will be back in full to do the job I was elected to do, I can’t, and that’s why it’s my duty now to start the process of finding a new Leader of the Liberal Democrats, and by consequence of that, a new Prime Minister.”

The Prime Minister has been heavily criticised for his seeming absence during the government’s recent Gibraltar crisis, a fact that his sudden resignation certainly reflected. His was a remarkably short tenure, particularly in comparison to his recent predecessors DrCaeserMD and Leafy_Emerald, two of the UK’s longest serving recent Prime Ministers, who both occupied Number 10 for 272 and 205 days respectively.

Reacting to the news, Justice Secretary Vitiating tweeted “I give my thanks to the Prime Minister (@Alec) for his work since the government took office. I understand the burden a heavy schedule can play and I hope he decides to remain in government despite this resignation. I wish him the very best for the future.” Political grandee, and former Green, Trevism tweeted “On a less partisan note, id [sic] like to thank @Alec for his services. I disagree with him plenty, but I know he’s a hard worker at heart and I think he was left out to dry by incompetent ministers. I wish him every bit of success in the future.”

Business Secretary Estoban06 has long been the favourite to succeed Mr NoHeart as Liberal Democrat leader, but Chancellor Wagbo_, Home Secretary disclosedoak, and Transport Secretary bloodycontrary could also be in the field, whilst Northern Ireland Secretary JellyCow99 may be an outside contender.

The next Prime Minister will face a number of challenges, not least repairing relations with both Spain and Gibraltar after the recent crisis over a prospective deal which Gibraltar’s Chief Minister called “dual sovereignty by the back door,” before it was swiftly, and publicly, dropped without the Spanish government being first informed. They will also have the unenviable task of trying to get a Liberal agenda, and a budget, through a Parliament in which they have just 25 seats – 25 short of a majority.

The timetable for the Liberal Democrat leadership election has not yet been revealed, but is expected to kick off very soon. The change means that the country will soon have a brand new pair of leaders, with the Classical Liberals set to elect their new leader in the next week or so after the resignation of CDocwra.

The Guardian will continue to bring you updates on this breaking story.