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Revelations 33:15—Yea, though it came to pass that those refusing to believe in the word of the Lord grew in number, and the fatted calves were slaughtered less frequently thanks to the Mark Of The Beast (a.k.a Weight Watchers), it did happen that shepherds keeping watch o’er the network television landscape did espy a need for new content. And so, in the year of our Lord 2015, it did transpire that Deadline reports Alcide Bava, a production company founded by Big Bang Theory’s Johnny Galecki, is developing a sitcom based on bestselling 2007 book The Year Of Living Biblically.


Said book—which pleaseth the Lord greatly because he hath such a good sense of humor about these matters—is written by Esquire magazine editor-at-large A.J. Jacobs, who did spend a year upon the Earth obeying the tenets of the Bible as literally as possible. Unto this effort, the Lord did say, “Whoa, that is a good idea for thine book, but also, what in the name of Me was I thinking? Like 70 percent of the rules in mine holy book became moot once thou didst invent the refrigerator.” Seeing this in development made the Lord ebullient, as he was annoyed that Paramount Pictures, which previously did have Jacobs’ noble book under option, couldst not get its shit together and make something from it.

This Galecki, a theorist of bangs possessing unusual magnitude, didst also sell unto the Columbia Broadcasting System another sitcom, e’en as he did develop said Biblical project. This second comedy was known as an untitled project from Difficult People showrunner Scott King, and lo, it sounded much more palatable for thine evangelical masses. The Lord read that it “centers on a type-A, emotionally reserved newlywed who invites his wife’s twin sister to stay with them and suddenly finds himself in a world of over-sharing, and a third wheel in his own marriage.” Galecki, whom the Lord made in his own image, only much shorter, is producing both projects, and is currently searching for a scribe to transcribe the words of Jacobs, much as a random assemblage of dudes throughout the centuries didst offer their own hot takes of the Lord’s word, often tweaking His Almighty thoughts to serve their own ends. (This Lord is Looking your way, King James.)