One of the common experiences that I have encountered from both family and friends alike is the questions “What do you believe about God now?” in some cases the question is simply put just like that. In other cases it is included in a tirade against how vocal I have been about the problems that I discovered in Mormon Church history and theology that led to the church losing me as one of it’s adherents. “I don’t want to hear about why you don’t believe in Mormonism or why Joseph Smith was not a prophet in your opinion! I only want to hear what you believe now! Testify about what you believe in!” or “I don’t want to see you tearing things down – just building things up in what you believe now!”

I have to admit that this is a very tempting road to go down, and I have on occasion – but I have some valid reasons for holding my own beliefs somewhat close to my chest. Many of these reasons would be difficult to understand until you go through the process of acknowledging that you have been caught in a grand religious deception your whole life and start to find a way out of it. I would like to articulate some of these reasons so that my friends and family can understand why they will read more about my observations about what is wrong with the Mormon church than what answers I have found.

A Sweet Ride

I asked my 8 year old daughter to design a car that would fulfill every dream she had about what an automobile could be. I specifically told her not to worry about what was normal or beyond the laws of physics. And I instructed her not to worry about making the car look like any other car that she had seen. I left her alone for a while and a few hours later she presented me with this masterpiece:

I asked her to describe all of the different features that she incorporated into this amazing car that she proudly called “The Sweet Ride.” She meticulously described the unique features of her vehicle:

1,000 Pony Powered engine – more pony power than even the fastest race car.

Fueled by any flavor of soda pop – you can fill up at any restaurant with a soda fountain – especially if they have free refills.

Marshmallow wheels with lemon candy hubcaps – for the softest and sweetest ride you have ever had.

Edible cupcake hood ornament – in case you get hungry on the road.

Lolly-pop front and rear bumpers – the ultimate in safety features.

Glow-in-the-dark cotton candy fringed canopy with a bubble-gum hood joint – provides shade and snacks when you want it.

Rock candy windshield – crystal clear protection for the driver.

Cotton-candy, soft-serve seat cushions – for the softest seat you have ever felt.

Nutter-Butter doors – unique waffle pattern with the best combination of peanut-butter and chocolate ever found in a door.

Red licorice trim – for pretty details

Rock candy reflectors headlights – as bright as the sun.

Now when you really look at it – this car is amazing. It’s confectionary details fulfill my daughters dreams and solve the problems that she has frequently articulated about our more conventional minivan. It has absolutely no basis in reality and stands in complete opposition to the laws of physics, economics and common sense. That does not matter to my daughter.

To further assess my daughters commitment to her dream car, I pulled up a very sensible alternative and showed it side-by-side with hers:

Next, I asked her a few questions:

Me: “Would you trade your soda-pop fueled “Sweet ride” with all of it’s marshmallow wheels, soft-serve seats and 1,000 Pony power engine for this sensible, white 1992 toyota corolla? It was one of the most dependable and trusted vehicles of it’s year.”

Her: “No way! My car is way cooler!”

Me: “It runs on gas”

Her: “Mine runs on soda-pop and if you get thirsty you can drink some”

Me: “This car will go a long way without breaking down.”

Her: “Mine never breaks down – and it’s got cotton candy! Dad, I really have the sweeter ride.”

Me: “I.. I really got nothing else – I would rather choose your car too!”

Joseph Smith’s Sweet Ride

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s position and try to understand their motivations and perspectives. To understand the mind of someone who the church has lost due to issues of doctrine and church history, you have to look at things from their perspective. To these people the Mormon religion arose from the imagination of Joseph Smith. He used his very capable mind to create a religion which answered all of the important questions of the early 19th century religious environment – questions of grace/works, infant baptism, preexistence and election are all given authoritative answers and additional details are also piled on top which give the religion amazing and appealing features – eternal families, sacred temple rituals, divine authentic authority, etc. All of these features fulfilled his own dreams of pure religion and solved the problems that he saw in other faiths at the time. (if you read about his early childhood, parental views on religions, etc you see that they also answer important questions from his direct family as well)

From the perspective of someone who does not accept his divine calling, all of these remarkable features articulated by Joseph Smith through the Book of Mormon, Book of Abraham, Translations of the Bible and direct “revelations” from God paint the picture of a religion that is every bit as appealing as my daughter’s “sweet ride” but just as divorced from reality or truth.

Furthermore, while Joseph was undoubtedly skilled at integrating all of these features into a cohesive faith, his work has been tweaked, improved and refined over the decades since his death. Features such as blood atonement, polygamy and racism which created more problems than solutions were eventually discarded – smoothing the rough edges of the faith. This presents the modern day believer with a very desirable religion which they can hold up in comparison to anything else.

When a believing mormon compares their theology to any one else’s system of belief – especially if it is confined to logic and rationality, but also if it is limited to biblical assertions – they are going to find that everything else pales in comparison. They already have “the sweeter ride.”

True? True? And Unrelated

The thing to remember when considering what people go through as they start to think about the church is that there are two separate issues that they must confront.

Is the church true? If not, then what is true?

The thing to remember is that if the answer to #1 is “no, the church, it’s doctrine and claims of exclusive prophetic authority are not what it claims to be” then question #2 is completely unrelated to whatever those claims are in the first place. This can be a bit confusing to grasp, so the illustration of the “sweet ride” can help clarify.

If doesn’t matter what my daughter designed her car to be. It could have run on infinitely renewable electrostatic energy from the Earths atmosphere, had 1,000,000,000 horsepower engine and capacity to seat 4,000. Since she was making it up – she could design it to be anything at all. This fanciful creation based on imagination rather than truth would always trump any real car, bound by the laws of physics, design and economics, in a direct features comparison.

But if you really need to get from Austin to New York City – choosing a made-up fanciful creation just because it fulfills your fantasy will not get you there in the real world. Once you abandon the sweet fantasy, you have to confront the world without the appealing and comforting deception and search for truth on the merits of your own conscience and mind. Suddenly you may look at the 1992 Toyota Corolla and other vehicles with new eyes, perhaps seeing some benefits that you previously overlooked because your were blinded by the confection in front of you. You may decide that your role is to walk on the power of your own 2 legs.

The Raw Wound

Another aspect of leaving Mormonism because of problems with history and doctrine is that you become very sensitive to allowing other people to dictate to you what God’s law and truth are. Because of your experience as a Mormon – you know how powerful and convincing an enticing deception can be. You don’t want to be taken on someone else’s ride.

Many people who leave for these reasons are not people who were at the margins of LDS culture but people who were very devoted to the faith and doctrine of Mormonism. Many of them faithfully held callings for years and devoted tremendous time and effort in doing them because they believed so sincerely. To discover, then, that distortions and evasions were used to hide the history of the church and it’s founders is devastating.

If they are like me – this realization sends these devoted follower into a frenzy of discovery – looking for every bit of covered up deception, rationalized misdeed and corrupt doctrine – trying to discover how truly extensive the lies are. “Perhaps it is just the modern prophets who have gone astray” then “okay, perhaps Joseph was a fallen prophet, but he did have a divine experience” then “perhaps the Scripture that Joseph brought into being was true, even though he was flawed” then “maybe the Book of Mormon is true, even though the Book of Abraham is false” and so on and so on until you come to the realization that every level of the foundation of the Church is built upon distortions and deception. It is packaged in a glazed form of godliness and piety and bound up in a self-regulating culture that discourages people from questioning it.

You submitted some of the most precious aspects of your identity and life to another person’s theology which filled you with lies and deceit dressed up in a sweet disguise. When you finally extract this saccharine poison from your soul – you are changed. You are left with a deep open wound in your heart.

Your ability and desire to trust as a child trusts is gone. You recoil at any one else telling you what to believe or what to do. How dare they! Don’t they see how completely you have trusted before with only the purest intent – only to be completely and utterly deceived? It is as though once you had removed Joseph Smith’s dagger from your heart, there is a line of other people presenting their own daggers for you to replace it with.

Searching for Truth

Acknowledging this, the former Mormon becomes very skeptical of claims of divine authority or truth from any other direction. Furthermore, they are aware that it is the ultimate in hubris for them to dictate truth to anyone else themselves. You begin a quest for truth in your own life, but from a humbled perspective. You realize that truth is an elusive thing. It is not handed down in prophetic edicts from people who you are prohibited from questioning.

You may never get it exactly right. But a funny thing happens when you start searching for truth – the lies start to stand out and jump out at you. Their contours and patterns become more evident to your searching soul. So while you continue to seek for truth – you are empowered with the freedom to identify them for what they are and leave the lies behind.

Conclusion

If you wish to have empathy with a former Mormon – it would be difficult for you to identify with this perspective because you don’t see the Gospel of Joseph Smith as a negative thing in your life. This is the point of empathy however, to stretch your mind and put yourself in someone else’s perspective which is by definition different from your own. If you cannot or are unwilling to do so – then you cannot have empathy for them.

This is why you won’t hear too much of what I personally believe about the world on the blog. Rather than expound on my own answers to life’s difficult problems, I focus on demonstrating the chips on the edges which reveal the darkness beneath the shiny veneer of Mormonism. My goal is not to get people to adopt my particular notion of truth, but to allow them to examine their sweet ride and see if it meets the standard of truth. Once they discover the absent foundation of the church, they will be able to look around and discover the world freshly with their own eyes. They will develop their own personal relationship with the divine and pursue a life free from the deception and fantasy of others – myself included.

It doesn’t matter what the makeup of your imaginary car was or what anyone else’s car was. Once you let go of your sweet fantasy, the important thing for you to do is to determine for yourself where you will find your belief and what standard of truth you will subscribe to. It is a very personal decision and while others who still are still holding on to the sweet ride you left behind will ask to see what jalopy you are driving around in now – understand that it will always seem pedestrian to them by comparison.