The sex meme is the ruler of the Internet. It violates inboxes faster than a drunken Hasselhoff, makes the blog rounds faster than Brit-Brit's latest upskirt shot, and goes viral faster than a new media marketer's MySpace wet dream. Sex memes are the ultimate in trendy, often sexually explicit and wrong-ironic — or just plain wrong. You won't see them in Time's top 10 lists, that's for sure.

This year has been a crazed year for the sex meme, and while I'm as supportive of animal- and cruelty-free dildos, harnesses, lubes and whips as the next San Franciscan,Vegansexuality's wacky, tofu-licking babes and their PETA-approved new boobs are so two years ago.

Last year, I compiled a ribald list for Boing Boing but this year's fresh batch of memes are ready for prime time, even though they're mostly not safe for work (NSFW) and in at least one case, not safe for anyone seeking to avoid post-goatse PTSD.

Unsafe, yet as irresistible as slowing down to look at a car wreck ... the sex memes of 2007:

1. Celebrity sex tapes that go straight to DVD. I hate to ruin porn for you, because I know it's so believable and realistic. But those girls that get "picked up on the street" or solicited for "first time" on-camera sex are working for companies that have to abide by federal record-keeping laws surrounding documentation and contractual information. But we can pretend it's never, ever a planned setup — that's cool. I'm also sure that celebrities like Paris Hilton and Colin Farrell never saw it coming and are just victims of a ruthless porn-hungry populace.

And I won't break the part to you about porn "lesbians" not ever celebrating Pride. Because I care about you, really. But this year's C-list "leaked" celebrity sex videos got traffic even if they went straight to DVD, so on 2007's scorecard of brokered "celeb" videos (thanks to Fleshbot.com's reporting support, you can find stories on many of these memes and much more on its very NSFW site):

Winner for most obvious: one-time "American Idol" finalist Jessica Sierra making sandwiches with some dude (her "leaked" video got its own Web site, jshardcore.com, on launch and had pre-publicity on TMZ). Oh no! Her career was so promising.

"Amy Fisher: Caught on Tape" wasn't as deliberately marketed as Sierra's — I can't remember whether the "Long Island Lolita" threatened legal action for real or just threatened to shoot someone in the face, but her porn dialogue and stock porn positions and posing suggest that she was the only one looking to get shot in the face when all was said and, er, done.

Kim Kardashian: If C-listers had backup dancers, Kardashian would have been a contender — until she rode the "celeb sex tape" pony. She never shot anyone in the face, that I know of, but her unforgettable, much blogged shrieking voice mail was the stuff of legend, suggesting she did not go gently into that C-list celebrity sex tape DVD night. Deliberate or not, it made her straight-to-DVD humpfest the best selling "celebrity" porn vid of the year (and it had its own pre-release Web site at kimksuperstar.com), after which she released an exercise video and landed an E! Channel reality show, "Keeping Up With the Kardashians."

2. Pussy shots: the G-shot and the HPV vaccine. I don't care what gender or orientation you are, the much-discussed G-Shot should just make you cross your legs and cry silent tears in vaginal sympathy for all the women who sought to enhance their sex drive with — you guessed it, a dubiously effective (and dubiously safe) injection right into that place you never want to think of getting a shot. And I don't mean your eye, snarky-pants. It's most discomforting to see that vaginal surgery continues to grow in popularity. Girls, don't cut the ladybits if you want them to work, m'kay? But, a magic shot for pussies one way or another was on everyone's RSS this year: The G-Shot, driven by vaginal cosmetic hyperbole proponents, and the still controversial and endlessly Internetted, yet hopeful HPV vaccine. Sure, there's Caverject (shudder), but I think the only P-Shot I'll be seeing will be served off some queen's hotpants at Trannyshack, if you know what I mean.

3. "Two girls, one cup." Do not Google this. Do not think about this. Everyone blogged it, and it became the new "tubgirl" and goatse all in one disgusting moment of choco-poo-love, spawning (ugh) parody videos, animated reactions, and even a mention on VH1. Can be substituted for Trimspa as a means to curb hunger for the rest of your life.

4. Geek Squad grossness."Peeping geeks" sounds like something I'd be really into, except that this year the people from Best Buy's tech-assist department proved themselves to be a bunch of techtards too lame to get their porn online via Fleshbot.com or torrent like everyone else, and did some majorly douchey things to women in real life. In April, a Geek Squad dingleberry was arrested and sued for leaving his phone camera on "record" while a client's 22-year-old daughter was showering when he was supposed to be working on her computer during a house call — then, making a case for vigilante justice, allegedly did the same trick with his phone in the bedroom of the woman's 13-year-old sister. Ew. But wait — then tech blog Consumerist caught Best Buy employees stealing porn off customer's computers, even conspiring to steal explicit content from tech-unsavvy porn performer Jasmine Grey's hard drive. Consumerist reported that Geek Squadders scoured her network for porn and passed her images around to team members and management. The plotting was only fully discovered when she died in a car crash days later, and one employee felt remorse.

5. Some BDSM dot-com bought some building. Did anyone hear about this? I know, it was easy to miss. Except that all of a sudden it was like the whole teensy bubble of mainstream media suddenly heard of consensual, above-board BDSM dot-coms, and that they did normal things like move into bigger digs. When Kink.com bought the Mission Armory, it was like the rubber bullet heard 'round the world, and many MSM news weenies had the bestest non-story of the year.

6. Republican tease and denial hotness: Haggard, Vitter and Craig. Gay tap- dancing came back in style, and public sex was ruined for everyone for the rest of our natural lives when Sen. Larry Craig got busted for using 30-year-old cruising code in an airport restroom — though the best part was watching TV anchors freakishly "re-enact" the scene, most notably with a woman holding a literal wall of figurative heterosexuality between the ABC-TV pundits caught in the homoerotic headlights like desperate het deer. The Republican Craig survived allegations about coke and young male pages in 1982; he called Bill Clinton, "a nasty, bad, naughty boy," he is anti-gay marriage, won't back gay hate crime bills and the LGBT Human Rights Campaign gave him a rating of zero. Republican Sen. David Vitter loves the ladies (especially when he pays them to do, um, things), he loves abstinence education almost more than the statute of limitations, and hates same-sex unions so much he compares them to Hurricane Katrina. Still a popular meme this year: Former preacher Ted Haggard, um, really wanted to help homos find the light (or fountain) of his own personal Jesus so much he actually visited gay bars to do outreach. Then in fall 2006, like the others in this year's sexual hypocrisy shortlist, got waaay caught. All of which proves that the fine men in assless chaps at Folsom have nothing on these high-placed anti-sex pundits who clearly have the art of tease-and-denial down. We really have a lot to learn here in San Francisco from these very sophisticated, if sloppy, pervs.

7. Wal-Mart wanker rolls back prices on everything he touches. This is one of many reasons I'm glad we don't have a Wal-Mart in San Francisco, except that if I were really crafty, I could pay iJustine to shop the — well, pretty much any — aisle and catch Mr. Blue Light Special with his pants around his ankles and his right hand looking for discounts, and crank up my Web site's traffic stats. Truly, he may be saying "f- you" to corporate America on the most basic of levels, but the many videos of his, er, excellent Wal-Mart jack-off adventures (which you can find at boinkology.com) became even more unsettling for me when I thought I saw someone's grandma shopping for socks in the background.

8. Crime and punishment memes. Teens who photographed their own sex acts busted for child porn; Substitute teacher Julie Amero faces up to 40 years prison time for porn pop-ups (this is why schools need savvy tech departments); Guy attempts sex with a fence; Woman gets kicked off plane for miniskirt; And Mr. "Girls Gone Wild," Joe Francis, is still in jail.

9. The hand job machine: hard with a vengeance. It's not a new sex meme by any means, but every year blogs act like they've never seen the Frankensteinian monster of male masturbation sex toys that is pretty much a mashup of a Kitchen Aid mixer (setting: "pummel") and a ... disembodied hand. But what made it the most viral year yet for this toy was the demo video (it's the first result at Fleshbot.com if you enter "hand job machine" into the search bar) that burned through the blogs (sex and otherwise) — most notably for starring a naughty French (Japanese) maid and a hillbilly in a pink unitard.

10. Booby-trapped Japanese dental school dummies. The "Simroid" certainly wasn't popular for her name (or its unappetizing rhyming connotations), though it was totally pervily Internet famous for being an extremely life-like dental school model, in female form. But what got her passed around the Internets like a cheap bottle of mouthwash were the warning sensors thoughtfully placed in her breasts, ostensibly to avoid improper conduct. Leaving the rest of us wondering where else she had sensors, and if there are any male dummies in need of, ahem, root canals.

Honorable mention: "Rub My Clit" iPhone app.

Violet Blue is a Forbes "Web Celeb", notorious blogger (Laughing Squid), high-profile tech personality and one of Wired's "Faces of Innovation." She writes for outlets ranging from Forbes.com to O, The Oprah Magazine. She is regarded as the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology, a sex-positive pundit in mainstream media ( CNN, The Oprah Winfrey Show) and is interviewed, quoted and featured prominently by major media outlets. Violet has many award-winning, best-selling books, a famous podcast, is fun to follow on Twitter, and is a San Francisco native.

Blue headlines at conferences ranging from ETech, The Forbes Internet Leadership Conference, LeWeb and SXSW: Interactive, to Google Tech Talks at Google, Inc. Her tech site is Techyum; her audio and e-books are at Digita Publications.

For more information and links to Web sites discussed in Open Source Sex, go to Violet Blue's Web site, tinynibbles.com.