How Lesbian Sex Works, in Haiku

Illustrator credit: Kelsey Beyer

Picture foreplay that

lasts longer than a few minutes.

Now, add crying.

Depending on Who You Ask, Scissoring Is

“Real, damn it!”

“Only happens in porn.”

“Something I once saw on South Park.”

I can’t give away

the secrets but will say it

involves dreamcatchers.

It’s like girl-girl porn,

but we don’t compliment

each other’s landing strips.

It’s like straight sex but

afterwards we ask each other

“We had sex, right?”

We don’t have sex, silly!

We just pet each other

‘til a man shows up.

It’s exactly like

straight sex, except our penises

glow in the dark.

A brief note about haiku. In the West, we associate haiku with poetry that is three lines, following a 5-7-5 syllable format. But Japanese haiku isn’t based on syllables. It’s based on onji, which are units of sound that don’t correlate with Western languages.

The Haiku Society of America (which is a thing that exists!) gives a pretty loose definition here: