MIAMI -- According to liar, er, wire reports, Max Scherzer of the Washington Nationals was named the 2017 National League Cy Young winner, making him the first hurler ever to receive pitching's highest honor in midseason.

“It’s my pleasure to bestow this award on Max for his superior work over the course of the first two-thirds of this 2017 regular season,” commissioner Rob Manfred said during an impromptu news conference Tuesday afternoon at Marlins Park, prior to Scherzer’s start against Miami. “While Major League Baseball fully recognizes the unusual timing of this announcement, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion given that Clayton Kershaw is on the disabled list and is expected to miss significant time. That being the case, we just figured it was better to call a spade a spade and get it over with now. Besides, with the trade deadline officially behind us, it was a slow news day.”

Already a two-time winner and one of just six pitchers ever to nab the Cy Young in both the American and National Leagues, Scherzer now becomes the ninth hurler in baseball history to earn the award three times. He’s also the first player at any position to win any postseason award during the regular season. The unprecedented nature of the announcement was hardly lost on Scherzer.

“Wait ... what?” said the 33-year-old righty, who is 12-5 with a 2.23 ERA and currently leads the National League in innings pitched, strikeouts and WHIP. “I mean, I’m not gonna lie -- I have been absolutely dealing this season and the odds of anyone else even sniffing this award, especially with Kershaw on the shelf, are roughly equivalent to the odds of my eyes being the same color. But still. This is, like, really weird.”

According to a source familiar with the situation, the possibility of handing out the Cy Young Award early was first discussed by the Baseball Writers' Association of America early last week, shortly after Kershaw landed on the disabled list with a lower back strain that was expected to keep him sidelined for four to six weeks.

“When a two-horse race suddenly becomes a one-horse race, it’s not very fun to watch, no matter how much of a freaking thoroughbred that one horse is," the source said. "Not to mention, the members of the BBWAA very much value their vacation time. By awarding the Cy Young in August instead of the middle of November, we -- er, I mean they -- will be able to go off the grid that much earlier and take full advantage of all those Marriott Rewards points.”

The source also said Scherzer’s personal life factored into the decision. The Nats ace announced on Father’s Day that he and his wife, Erica, are expecting their first child in November.

“As everyone knows, having an infant is an absolute nightmare,” the source said. “Sure, the birth of a newborn baby is a joyous occasion, but the next three months after that? Not so much. The baby spends every waking hour either crying or spitting up all over you and doesn’t ever sleep and, therefore, you as the parent don’t ever sleep. Frankly, it’s an absolute mess. That being the case, there was no guarantee Scherzer would even be available for a media conference in November. Better just to give him the stupid trophy now.”

Although there are no official statistical criteria for the Cy Young Award, BBWAA voters tend to place a great deal of emphasis on workload and durability. Over the past 20 years, 38 of the 39 starters who have won the award have worked at least 200 innings. With 141 innings pitched so far this season, if Kershaw were to miss the entire month of August and return at the beginning of September, he’d have to average 10 innings per start over his final six outings in order to reach 200 innings. When reminded that the one Cy Young-winning starter who threw fewer than 200 innings was Kershaw in 2014, Manfred had this to say:

“Oh.”

On Sunday, Kershaw played catch for the third consecutive day, fueling reports that he might return to action much quicker than initially forecast.

“That would’ve been good to know before we sent the award to the engraver,” Manfred said when informed of Kershaw’s progress. “Ah well. What’s done is done.”

Prior to getting injured, Kershaw wasn’t the only Dodgers hurler who was in the Cy Young conversation. L.A.’s Kenley Jansen, who tallied 50 strikeouts against zero walks over his first 30 appearances this year, has been as dominant as any closer in baseball and was making a case to be the first reliever to win the Cy Young since Eric Gagne in 2003. Still, Jansen’s chances of garnering the award were minuscule at best.

“Are you high?” the source replied when asked about Jansen’s candidacy. “If Zach Britton didn’t win the Cy Young last year, then no reliever will ever win it again. Off the record, dude got completely and utterly hosed.”

According to the source, Boston Red Sox starter Chris Sale has already won the American League Cy Young Award. Because Sale and Scherzer are both scheduled to start Tuesday and Manfred can be in only one place at one time, the official announcement won’t take place until right before Sale’s next outing. The former White Sox ace, who was dealt to the Red Sox this past offseason as part of a blockbuster trade, is slated to face his former team Sunday.

“I don’t care how many prospects Chicago got in return for him,” the source said. “Having their noses rubbed in it like that is gonna hurt."