If this year has left you worn out and limping towards the finish line it’s easy to dread the festive season.

There’s something about Christmas that makes it feel almost impossible to opt out. It’s everywhere. You can’t go a moment without the reminder that ‘it’s the most wonderful time of the year’, which of course isn’t what you want to hear when for you, it really isn’t feeling that wonderful.

Some of us this year will be hurtling towards Christmas with a sense of dread and a wish for it all to just go away. An enforced Christmas can enduce stomach churning fear and an intense desire to hibernate quietly somewhere warm and wait for the madness to pass.

Christmas isn’t always easy and it can be one of the most difficult times of the year for lots of people. There is an expectation to be happy and jolly and when you’re not feeling like celebrating it can be really hard. It’s also not unusual for your sadness to become accentuated when you’re watching and observing everyone else’s (perceived) happiness!

This can make the holiday season feel very isolating and sometimes hard to cope with. Everyone else seems to be getting more and more excited and festive and as their Christmas radar peaks yours hits rock bottom. There is often an expectation to join in with the buzz of it all, to plaster a smile on your face and get stuck in. However, pretending the Christmas spirit has swept you away when just getting through the day is effort enough can be, quite frankly soul destroying and exhausting.

There is someone missing in my family this year and it means that Christmas is forever changed. My mum, who died in the late summer, was Christmas spirit personified. She not only loved Christmas but managed to instil her love of festivity into all of her family. She led the way with planning and implementing celebrations that were full of love, joy and warmth. We are now left with a stark gaping hole and are all a little lost. We don’t know how to do Christmas without her and we don’t really even want to try!

So what do Christmas and other milestone events mean when someone so integral and loved is missing? How do you start to rebuild? (and should we even try?). And how do you cope with a world where festive momentum is building by the day all around you. I don’t think there is an easy answer to this but there are things you can do to ease the pain.

We all have times in our lives where things fall apart. Whatever the situation, whether its grief, illness, life events, mental health…things happen and often they are out of our control. And at the same time annual milestones and celebrations come and go, the world continues to turn even when for you time has ground to a halt. So how do you make it through the holiday season in one piece when life has dealt you a rough ride?

Here’s a few thoughts…

There are lots of people feeling the same as you this year. Trust me there are. They are hard to spot because they are probably the ones keeping quiet and hiding or they are putting on a brave face and doing their best to fake it and put on a show. All of us have times in our lives where things are quite frankly a little bit shit and we will all have years where we don’t feel like celebrating. This is your year but it is also someone else’s year too. You aren’t alone and you’re probably in better company than you realise. Don’t be too scared of telling people how you’re feeling, you never know, it might help them to admit that they are struggling too.

You might not want to celebrate the holiday season and you might want to totally opt out but is there someway that you could think of to look after yourself instead? Is there something you could do to treat yourself? To give yourself a break? To recognise that just because you don’t feel like celebrating doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself a break. Perhaps you want to curl up with a good book or teach yourself a new skill? Perhaps you want to set yourself a challenge or emerse yourself in nature? Give yourself the gift of a little bit of time just focused for you and be kind to yourself.

Give yourself permission to opt out if you want to. Want to skip Christmas drinks? Bail on your friends? Bunker down and hide away for a little while? That’s all ok, don’t be afraid of putting your needs first. You don’t need to feel that you have to or should do anything that you don’t want to. Traditions can be lovely things and are a nice way of people providing structure to a holiday but that is all they are and sometimes disengaging with them can be really refreshing! Want to banish turkey, christmas music and presents-why not! Want to ditch the Christmas party and catch up on Netflix instead- go for it! You might end up creating some new ways of spending your holiday time that become personal traditions that work for you.

Step outside of you for a little while. Easier said than done I know, but sometimes focusing on someone else and projecting your energy outwards can be a real boost. This year has been tough for you but it’s been tough for others too. Is there someone you know who could do with a helping hand at the moment, a chat, a kind gesture? Do a good deed and you might be surprised at the impact it has on you.

Don’t dwell on the fact that it’s Christmas. It is, after all, just another day and it will pass and it won’t be long before it will fade to just a distant memory. It might be tough and it might not be what you hoped for but it is temporary and it will be over. Don’t set yourself any expectations for how youre going to think and feel. You will be how you will be and you never know, you might surpise yourself and experiencing uplifting moments.

Christmas is a time of year where there is hope, generosity and goodwill all across the world and even if the idea of jumping feet first into it all isn’t appealing don’t be too quick to write it all off. Experiencing it for what it is, and giving yourself permission to enjoy moments and feel happy is really important. Even when things are tough, beautiful moments and things can still happen and will happen if you are open to them. So don’t fully opt out of Christmas just yet, take it for what it is and be open to enjoying elements and celebrating the good in the world; it is there. This year things might be tough but things change and time heals. The way you feel right now doesn’t define you and chances are you won’t always feel this way. Be kind to yourself, take care and stay in the moment.

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