So I managed to successfully front for two weeks. I was able to hold the body for that long. And I’ve never done that before. I am proud that I went that long, but it has made me realize that while I love fronting and love this world, I don’t know if I want to do it all the time.

I feel a bit disappointed in myself because it’s been years that that had been my goal and now I just gave up when faced with reality. I am positive I could handle everything. I know I could, but is it what I really want? What would make me most happy? Well, I think I want to share a life with Nia.

The only problem is she doesn’t really want that. And I understand that. I want to give her the freedom of not fronting. I want to give her the life of a tulpa. But I just don’t know anymore that that is what would make me the most happy.

I’m not going to make any hard decisions just yet, and I’m absolutely not going to give up fronting forever. I do love this world, but maybe I can just share it. I don’t mind that. Life is just… really difficult and if I had a buddy that could help me through things when life gets tough, that would be preferable to going it alone by myself.