The BMW X5 M is a perplexing vehicle. Viewed through the eyes of a purist, it is everything a sporting BMW shouldn’t be. Which is to say it’s huge, heavy, and—duh—an SUV. On the other hand, it is also very fast, an attribute that appeals very much to our primal instincts.

Many affluent consumers, however, suffer no such internal conflict. Conditioned by years of having their every whim catered to by marketers and manufacturers, they view the concept of a 5299-pound luxury family wagon combining mind-bending performance numbers with traditional day-to-day utility as an entirely rational one.

Big M Power

The first BMW sport-ute with an “M” appended to its name arrived in 2010, a few years into the life cycle of the second-generation X5. No slouch, that initial BMW X5 M nabbed first place in a couple of high-performance SUV face-offs, and it set a pretty high bar for this new X5 M to clear.

To help put it over the top, BMW fortified the latest model with its latest 4.4-liter V-8. Utilizing a pair of twin-scroll turbochargers and variable valve timing and lift, it makes 567 horsepower, bettering the output of the previous X5 M’s 4.4-liter V-8 by 12, with torque rising by 53 lb-ft to 553. If those numbers sound familiar, it’s because the same engine also resides under the hood of the polarizing, slope-backed BMW X6 M.

View Photos MICHAEL SIMARI

Also shared with the X6 M are the 115.5-inch wheelbase and a suspension tuned for M-level dynamics. Firmer bushings, stiffer springs, modified upper wishbones with revised geometry, and a 10-millimeter drop in ride height set the X5 M apart from the base X5; both the X5 M and X6 M come with a self-leveling rear air suspension and unique 21-inch wheels as standard.

You Buy It, You Beat It

In theory, operating the X5 M in a polite manner is entirely possible. The interior, with its full Merino leather upholstery ($2900), Bang & Olufsen audio system ($3700), and Executive package ($4500; heated steering wheel, ventilated front seats, heated rear seats, rear window shades, head-up display, and more) certainly encourages reserved behavior.

The problem is that after you get your first taste of the torque rush provided by the mighty V-8, that heavenly interior becomes command central for raising hell. The run from zero to 60 mph consumes just 3.8 seconds and the quarter-mile flashes by in 12.3, this brain-warping BMW tripping the lights at 115 mph. The response is nearly instantaneous, with all 553 lb-ft of torque present and accounted for by 2200 rpm.

For the sake of establishing some order in this competitive set, consider that the Porsche Cayenne Turbo S performed the same tasks in 4.1 and 12.5 seconds, the Mercedes-Benz ML63 AMG in 4.2 and 12.6. By those measures, the X5 M is the king of the luxury-SUV drag strip. But change is constant, and both of those makers already are ushering more-powerful models into their lineups: Porsche’s 570-hp 2016 Cayenne Turbo S hit the streets earlier this year, and the 577-hp Mercedes-AMG GLE63 S coupe isn’t far behind (although the latter is more a competitor for the X6 M).

View Photos MICHAEL SIMARI

In the X5 M, shifts come by way of a new eight-speed torque-converter automatic that, sadly, still takes orders from BMW’s awkward selector that takes more than a few uses to commit to muscle memory. Steering-wheel-mounted shift paddles are available for when the mood strikes, but the transmission is perfectly happy to snap off shifts on its own, although the exhaust note during full-throttle upshifts sounds like a NASCAR-grade impact wrench.

Pretty Darned Amazing Grace

Spin the steering wheel abuptly, and the X5 M darts in your intended direction with the alacrity of a much lighter vehicle. Body motions always remain in check, and the big wagon maintains an even keel throughout maneuvers that would have been cause to abandon ship in SUVs from just a few years ago. Sure, the Michelin Pilot Super Sport tires (285/35 front, 325/30 rear) ring out like a rimshot over harsh expansion joints, but impacts are isolated and never upset the chassis, the directional stability, or most important, the invincible feeling the X5 M bestows on the person at the helm. Some of the credit for the X5 M’s behavior goes to its xDrive system and Dynamic Performance Control. The former continuously allocates up to 100 percent of the available torque to the front and rear axles as needed; the latter is focused on ideally distributing the torque between the two rear wheels, helping to keep understeer in check and optimize traction. On the skidpad, the X5 M again defied expectations, posting 0.96 g, a lateral-acceleration number that puts it in league with genuine sports cars. Braking also wowed, with the stop from 70 mph requiring just 152 feet. (For the record, the Porsche Cayenne Turbo S recorded 0.90 g on the skidpad and required 156 feet to stop from 70 mph.)

We’d temper those figures by mentioning the dismal 13 mpg overall fuel economy we recorded, but honestly, at an as-tested price of $115,495, is that of even minor concern?

With its indisputable performance bona fides, stylish and spacious interior, and day-to-day competencies, the X5 M largely succeeds in its mission to be all things at once. And while we’re appreciative of the measures BMW had taken to make a hefty SUV behave like a sports car, the purists among us are still a little conflicted. As for those who can afford it, the how and why of the BMW X5 M’s existence is largely irrelevant. They're just glad that it does exist.

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