This isn’t really a post I can frame into the “Thin privilege is … ” format, but it’s a post that’s been weighing heavily (ha!) on my mind the past few days and I think that the thin people and fat dudes who follow this blog could stand to be reminded of every so often, as there are definitely points I’m about to make that have been made before on here.

Sexism affects everyone in our society – women, men, and those somewhere in between – this is a fact. But when it comes down to the different labels people identify with – gender identity, sexual orientation, race, religion, physical ability, social class, age, cultural identity, etc – that’s when you start to see deeper nuances to the effects. The most obvious example is the different ways in which sexism affects men (“you throw like a girl” “real men don’t cry” “boys can’t where dresses/makeup”) and women (do we really need examples? I don’t think we do, I think we’re all well aware of how sexism affects women).

One of those subgroups is body type. See, what happens when you standardize a thin body as “normal” is that any body that veers off from that is “abnormal.”

If [this] is what a woman looks like or is supposed to look like, then [that] must not be a “real” woman. [That] is just an it.

Did you ever wonder where the phrase “Real women have curves” came from? Problematic though it may be, it’s in direct rebellion to that.

Now obviously this basic idea intersects with other communities – particularly trans* communities.

But we’re the fat community, so let’s take a look at some of the ways this manifests for us:

Being hyper-sexualized and de-sexualized in a single breath – This was something my own mother did to me all the time throughout my pre-teen and teen years. The “If you just lost some weight your boobs would look even bigger and you’d be able to get a boyfriend!” line. Nevermind the heteronormativity (that’s another post entirely), but just take a look at that for a second and let it really sink in how messed up that really is. Assuming all you really want out of life is a boyfriend; presenting the best way to achieve that task as having a great rack; and reminding you that, as you are now, you are completely unloveable and unsatisfactory relationship material.

– This was something my own mother did to me all the time throughout my pre-teen and teen years. The “If you just lost some weight your boobs would look even bigger and you’d be able to get a boyfriend!” line. Nevermind the heteronormativity (that’s another post entirely), but just take a look at that for a second and let it really sink in how messed up that really is. Assuming all you really want out of life is a boyfriend; presenting the best way to achieve that task as having a great rack; and reminding you that, as you are now, you are completely unloveable and unsatisfactory relationship material. “But it’s all muscle” doesn’t count – You ever notice how when people discuss the weights of male athlete’s it’s always with the caveat “but it’s ALL MUSCLE!”? Have you ever hear anyone say that about a woman? I’m willing to bet you probably haven’t. Unless she’s a professional body-builder, women don’t even get that consideration – not even weight-lifters, most of the time. A woman’s weight, whatever form it takes, is always either an acceptable number or an unacceptable number. There’s no caveat for a woman who weighs 200+ pounds, because if she weighs 200+ pounds then she’s just fat and isn’t that awful? What a horrible, disgusting, shame.

– You ever notice how when people discuss the weights of male athlete’s it’s always with the caveat “but it’s ALL MUSCLE!”? Have you ever hear anyone say that about a woman? I’m willing to bet you probably haven’t. Unless she’s a professional body-builder, women don’t even get that consideration – not even weight-lifters, most of the time. A woman’s weight, whatever form it takes, is always either an acceptable number or an unacceptable number. There’s no caveat for a woman who weighs 200+ pounds, because if she weighs 200+ pounds then she’s just fat and isn’t that awful? What a horrible, disgusting, shame. “I just couldn’t pull it off” applies to every fashion choice – I’m a professional hairdresser (and a fat one, in case that wasn’t clear). Would you like me to tell you, over the course of two years that I was working in a salon, how many fat women looked at my short pixie cut and told me they’d always wanted to try short hair but they “could never pull it off”? I’d need at least two more hands. Fat women are only allowed to wear longer hair – but not too long! If it’s too long then it just makes them look fatter (????????????)! But of course this isn’t just tied to hair, it's all types of fashion. No heels more than an inch because that makes us look taller and therefore fatter. No bright colors or prints – especially on legs – or you’re just drawing attention to your fat body parts. No low-cut necks, high-cut hems, or tanktops/sleeveless tops. Absolutely no belly-shirts or mini-skirts. Because it would mean showing more skin than society is comfortable seeing on us.

Which brings me to my last point:

Being de-sexualized by society in general – There’s been quite a bit of a blow-up, even among alleged thin allies, ever since that first post on here that pretty much went “Thin privilege is getting cat-called on the street.” Here’s the thing about that, thin folks: While society might downgrade thin women to glorified blowup dolls, fat women don’t even get that much consideration. Fat women are the trash cans outside the seedy shop the blowup doll was bought at. We fat women have been told our entire lives that we are gross that everything about us is disgusting, that there is nothing attractive about us – except maybe our humongous tits (always assuming we have them). We’ve grown up in blocky, shapeless, sacks that “fashion” designers have the nerve to call clothes that cover up literally everything because no one wants to look at our bodies they are just that detestable. So when we say that “thin privilege is getting cat-called” what we mean is that “thin privilege is being seen as sexually desirable by society”! Because there are fat women who really enjoy sex and being sexual and would like it if society would recognize that we are desirable instead of teaching everyone that we are repulsive. Because, for many of us, being seen as a sexual object is still a step up from being seen as a piece of garbage. Being wanted as even just a masturbatory toy is still a step up from being not wanted at all.

So try and keep these things in mind the next time you try to tell us how “that’s not thin privilege, that’s sexism!” We know the difference, we know when they intersect with each other, and if you’d spend as much time listening and learning as you do arguing with us, then maybe we could actually change something.