Doctors Recommend Nation Get Portland Removed

PORTLAND, OR—Calling the situation "life-threatening," doctors strongly encouraged the nation to get Portland removed in a surgical procedure as soon as possible.

The operation is risky, but if successful, could prevent the deadly disease known as "Antifa" and other extremist groups from spreading to the rest of Oregon and eventually the entire nation.

"If we had taken action a few years ago, we might have been able to save Portland, but now," said a doctor, shaking his head, "now there's very little chance. The only real option here is to amputate the entire thing."

"I'm sorry. I'll give you a few minutes to think it over," the doctor added respectfully before allowing the nation some privacy to consider the big decision.

Much to his surprise, the nation took just 13 seconds to deliberate getting the operation before accepting his advice.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee