RUTLAND – Vermonters all across the state joined in with millions of Americans to celebrate the final birthday of what had been known as the “United States.” With a civil war slated to begin after the fireworks, conservatives and liberals stopped accusing each other of ruining the country for a few moments and came together to admire just how far the country had come in its 242 years, knowing that they would shortly be at each other’s throats in a desperate battle for control of the once-strong nation.

An uneasy tension hung in the air as Rutland area residents gathered at the Vermont State Fairgrounds to set up for the fireworks display. Sideways glances and nervous laughter filled the air as neighbors and friends wondered which side they would all be on in the morning. “We’re just trying to enjoy it,” said one man, holding a balloon colored like the U.S. flag, “seeing as how it’s probably the last one.”

Burlington residents, having celebrated the night before, were already stockpiling weapons in preparation for the impending conflict. Republicans were gathering guns and ammunition in their bunkers which have stood ready for years in case of this very thing. Democrats were gathering all of their righteous indignation and condescension, hoping against hope that it would be enough as they reviewed their talking points. Both sides were nervous, as they took short breaks from war preparation to attend family cook-outs with enemy combatants.

“I’m not sure when the dems are going to attack, but I know it’ll be soon,” said a woman in cut-off jean shorts and a halter top walking down Church Street carrying a semi-automatic rifle. “Been waiting for this a long time, and as soon as they start the war, I’m gonna shoot a hole in they’re plans.”

“*Their,” said a young man in khaki shorts and a polo shirt, brandishing his most powerful weapon. By midnight the bullets and arrogance will be flying in full force, but for today, for one final July 4th, we will try to be Americans one last time.

Image Credits: Plimtuna.