Craigslist has given us another gem.

A Chicago man has posted an ad offering fourth-row tickets to Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals. The price? Nothing. Nada. The tickets are free.

Why? Because this man DOESN’T NEED YOUR MONEY.

In just a few, stunning sentences, the ad informs us that this man works in investment banking, that he can’t accept money for the tickets because of a “potential fine from the SEC,” and that we shouldn’t worry about him because he makes “a ton of money anyway.”

You might ask: Why not just give the tickets to friends/family? Or: Why does he bother informing us that he makes a ton of money? Or maybe: Why not donate the tickets to a group who could get them to a local kid who loves the Hawks? All good questions. I cannot answer any of them.

From the ad:

Anybody want these tickets? No cost, just service or item needed. I am single guy living the life. Do you have enough creativity to take these tickets off my hands? Make a video, send me an offer to meet, whatever works. Do not be shy. Let me know ASAP. Best offer gets the tickets. And keep in mind, I go cage diving with sharks, I am not impressed easily.

To recap: This guy is rich, is willing to meet, does not want you to be shy, and is single. Maybe he just wants some people to send him a funny YouTube video showing their love for the Blackhawks! Let’s go with that.

Also, he goes cage diving with sharks, guys. Which is relevant to things happening here.

(Thanks to Deadspin for sharing.)