(Permanent Musical Accompaniment To This Post)

Being our semi-regular weekly survey of what's goin' down in the several states where, as we know, the real work off governmentin' gets done, and where to live outside the law you must be honest.

Events elsewhere have put the tour bus in the garage for a couple of weeks. Consequently, there's a lot of stuff bubbling in the Labs that we haven't gotten to yet, so let's get started in the Dakotas, because they've really gone a little loopy. I blame the snow. For example, in North Dakota, they are considering a law that would decriminalize…wait for it…"accidentally" running over protesters. From KTLA:

Rep. Keith Kempenich introduced the bill, which states that if a driver "unintentionally" causes injury or death to someone blocking traffic on a roadway, then the driver will not be liable for damages. Kempenich said he was spurred to act after Dakota Access Pipeline protesters last year moved to block public roadways, scaring some of his constituents. "It turned from a protest to basically terrorism on the roadways, and the bill got introduced for people to be able to drive down the roads without fear of running into somebody and having to be liable for them," he told CNN.

What kind of a mind comes up with this? Presumably, if he'd been in Selma in 1965, Representative Kempenich would have run down those terrorists on the Edmund Pettus Bridge because they were keeping him from getting to the Piggly Wiggly. The problem is that there's a kind of fever for suppressing dissent out in the states that has been unleashed with the inauguration of an authoritarian president.

In Minnesota, a proposed law would increase the penalties for public protest on a highway, and another proposed law would force any protester convicted of illegal assembly or public nuisance to recoup the police expenses for monitoring the demonstration. In Indiana, they're pushing a similar bill, as The Indianapolis Star reports.

An Indiana lawmaker says disturbing newscasts of chaotic and sometimes violent protests across the U.S. helped lead him to propose a bill that would direct police to use "any means necessary" to breakup mass gatherings that block traffic.

Any means, Gracie? Boy, this must be a real problem.

When asked, Tomes could not cite specific instances where protesters prevented or delayed an emergency response.

But…but…scary newscasts!

But he said he's seen troubling scenes on the nightly news and thinks people are overcomplicating the issue. "People get off track and get off on sidebars on this. It's just to get the streets opened up for traffic flow, for emergency personnel, for commerce — that's all," said Tomes, who added that he thinks protesters should get a permit if they want to block-off a street. As written, the bill would give authorities 15 minutes to "dispatch all available law enforcement officers" after receiving a report of 10 or more people illegally blocking traffic "with directions to use any means necessary to clear the roads."

But leave it to the newly insane state of North Carolina to come up with a new law dedicated merely to the protection of delicate fee-fees. The News Observer tells the tale.

The proposed legislation would "make it a crime to threaten, intimidate, or retaliate against a present or former North Carolina official in the course of, or on account of, the performance of his or her duties," Bishop said. "Because lines are being crossed," Bishop, a Republican who represents the 39th District in the North Carolina Senate, wrote in an email from his Senate campaign account.

And who is brother Bishop? Glad you asked.

Bishop was one of the sponsors of House Bill 2, or "the bathroom bill" which McCrory signed into law. The bill was criticized for nullifying local non-discrimination ordinances statewide, directing transgender people to use restrooms and locker rooms matching the gender on their birth certificate in government-owned buildings and initially revoking the right to sue in state court for discrimination.

Which, it should be said, is the reason that people are so upset with McCrory in the first place. Nevertheless, Bishop is soldiering on.

Bishop said such behavior should come with a five-year prison sentence and said he'll introduce the legislation to make it so in North Carolina, similar to an ordinance in the District of Columbia. "So should it be in North Carolina," he wrote. "This is dangerous. Jim Hunt, Bev Purdue and other governors never faced riotous mobs in their post-service, private lives, without personal security." Bishop said he also will urge his fellow legislators "to take other appropriate steps to guarantee the personal safety of Gov. McCrory by all means necessary."

These are going to be hard days for public protest and, if things keep up the way they're going, there are going to be more and more public protests. I genuinely fear for the safety of the protesters at the Standing Rock camp. But, more than that, I'm afraid that too many people don't understand the purpose of public protest anymore. We're going to have to remember that there is no provision in the Constitution providing for freedom of convenience.

Certainly, the mass marches around the country produced some interesting reactions. Staying in Indiana, we find that State Senator Jack Sandlin is terribly sorry if anyone was offended by his sharing of a distasteful Facebook post. And, as The Washington Post tells us, sorry wasn't enough for a Nebraska solon named Bill Kintner.

"Well, as much as my heart says to fight, my head says it is time to step away from the legislature," he said. "It is no secret to anyone who knows me that there have been many disappointing and frustrating times in my over-four years in the legislature." Then he continued: "I have concluded that it is wise to step down as a member of the Nebraska legislature." Kintner announced his resignation, stating that it would be effective Jan. 30.

I don't know what it's like to live your whole life as though you're waiting on hold for your favorite evening drive-time radio program, but it really shouldn't be the way that elected officials live. It can only cause them trouble.

Returning north, we find ourselves in South Dakota, where the citizens voted for a new ethics code so stringent that Koch-fattened state legislators declared its passage worthy of declaring a state of emergency. Thus does honest government join tornadoes and blizzards as state emergencies in South Dakota, at least according to the Argus-Leader of Sioux Falls.

"Judge us on the outcome of this legislative session," Rep. Larry Rhoden, R-Union Center, asked of constituents listening to the hearing. "Give us a chance to honor the will of the voters, because IM 22 didn't."… Legislators filed a set of bipartisan bills Monday aimed at replacing pieces of the measure including establishing gift limits for lobbyists and establishing a state accountability board. Members of the committee said the new proposals would deliver on the promises made, but not kept by the backers of IM 22. But supporters of the so-called Anti-Corruption Act disagreed, saying the move to eliminate the law without the ability to refer it back to the people posed a serious issue."The problem with repeal and replace is, what we've said from the beginning, that it repeals what the voters asked for and replaces it with something we didn't have a direct say in," Doug Kronaizl, spokesman for Represent South Dakota, said.

But somebody on the radio very soon will tell these people that "someone" in Chicago was buying whiskey and hors d'oeuvres with food stamps and they'll go flipping crazy and knuckle their own poor people again. That's the way it works these days.

And we conclude, as is our wont, in the great state of Oklahoma, where Blog Official Morale Officer Friedman of the Plains brings us, courtesy of the Tulsa World, the sad tale of a state representative named Dan Kirby, who is in the soup because he wouldn't meet with a legislative committee tasked with checking out some alleged ickiness on his part.

McCall has charged the House Rules Committee with looking into allegations of sexual harassment against sitting members and the legal authority to use House funds to settle a claim. McCall's action with the committee came after it was revealed that former House Speaker Jeff Hickman, R-Fairview, approved a $44,500 settlement to one of Kirby's former executive assistants, Hollie Anne Bishop, and her attorneys to settle a sexual harassment and wrongful termination claim. Hickman has said that although no sexual harassment was found, it was cheaper to settle the claim than to litigate. Since then, a second former Kirby executive assistant, Carol Johnson, has come forward to allege wrongdoing by Kirby, which he has denied. Johnson told The Oklahoman that Kirby asked her to send nude pictures to him, which she did. Kirby said they were in a relationship, something she has said was not true.

Pro Tip: Don't send nude pictures to legislators. Ever. Nothing good can come of this.

This is your democracy, America. Cherish it.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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