1. Don’t assume that it should be easy for a woman to be a complementarian

It is my personal opinion that MacArthur’s biggest blind spot in this situation was that he was upset that someone could act so differently from what he believed was so “clearly and easily” biblical. He assumed that a woman who claimed to be Christian should also be able to see it so clearly.

I want to make a plea to all of the brothers out there, especially those who are doing ministry: Please don’t take it for granted that the women in your church should easily and quickly subscribe to your interpretation of complementarianism just because you see it as biblical.

I say this as a woman who has, now, joyfully submitted to what my pastors define as complementarianism and have no desire to preach on the pulpit. I say this as a woman who has, now, joyfully accepted that I have a different role as a woman, and I submit to my elders and if I get married, my husband. But even as someone who loves the Word, it was not easy to get to this point, nor is it easy to live out its implications each day.

If you just take a minute to read the news or go ask the women in your church what they struggle with, you’ll be able to see what I’m talking about. It does not take much to see that girls and women don’t grow up with completely positive experiences of men. Many women have neglectful, absent, or even abusive fathers. Many, too many, women are sexually or physically abused at least once in their lives by men. Many women face sexism in the workplace. Many, if not most, women have felt fear just walking down a street because of catcalling.

Now, we even have #churchtoo revealing the gross abuse of power by male pastors happening in churches. To top it off, we honestly don’t see many male leaders in the church publicly uplifting women. It really is not a natural thing for some women to easily believe that men, even men in the church, want what is best for them.

When women read difficult passages about women in the Bible, it’s a different experience than when men read the same passages. Women bring a lot more baggage, and honestly, it can be hard to believe that complementarianism can ever be done the right way because it is often sinfully used as a means to enforce cultural norms and restrict women. Even if a woman genuinely loves God and wants to obey his Word, it may understandably be difficult for her to submit to complementarian beliefs.

For the women in your congregation who are under your care, please give them space to wrestle. Give them time. And if you feel that they are acting out of line with what you deem biblical, approach them with love, reminding them that this is a part of God’s design and He has the power to use his design for flourishing. Show them compassion, remember the baggage they carry that you don’t, and rebuke when necessary out of love.



2. Being complementarian means celebrating the strengths of women

When I first heard the audio clip of MacArthur, I kept asking myself the questions “Why was her name thrown out in the first place at a conference that had nothing to do with her? Why did the other men call her a narcissist and make demeaning comments about her selling jewelry? Why did the audience laugh at all of these responses?”

I realized what was gnawing at me was the fact that aside from the disagreement over Moore’s roles within the church, there was a general sense that they were bringing her down as a person – as a woman. Somehow guarding biblical truth became intertwined with belittling a woman.

Growing up, I was encouraged by my parents, my teachers, and my mentors to be strong, courageous, speak my mind and take risks. I grew up in a unique time when there was a growing consciousness around female empowerment and efforts to celebrate the diverse strengths of girls and women. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized not everyone was on board with this.

Ironically it was in the corporate world and the church that I found myself internally struggling with my identity as a woman. I saw that women who spoke up and questioned the norm were frowned upon in the office. I saw that women who spoke up at church were questioned on how they could ever submit to their future husbands. When I filed an HR report against an older male VP who verbally harassed me, I was told that “he is just old school” and I need to learn to work with different types of people. When I expressed my interest in pursuing vocational ministry, many godly brothers (in my complementarian circles) asked me with suspicion if I was trying to become a preacher.

What both environments had in common was the goal of keeping the status quo — of protecting what is orderly and traditional. In reactive fear against radical feminism, some Christians have pushed away everything that may be even remotely tied to the ideals of female empowerment.

I believe that the intentions of many are good. I want to believe that we are all on the same page in wanting to preserve the sanctity of biblical gender roles. However, instead of holding more tightly to scripture, I believe that the church can often hold on more tightly to old cultural norms in order to repudiate new cultural norms. This seems to be further complicated by the patriarchal norms of Asian culture that linger in Asian American churches.

I want to ask if you cringed when you read the words “female empowerment” in the previous paragraphs. If you did, I hold no judgment against you. I wholeheartedly confess that even as a woman, I can find myself suspicious of any sort of “cultural agenda” seeping into the church. Even I find that my desire to uphold scripture can have a complicated relationship with my desire for women to flourish. But I want to genuinely ask us to both consider: Why do we shudder at the idea of empowering women? Could it be that in an effort to fight against worldly celebrations, we’ve abandoned the notion of celebrating women altogether?

Many people (men and women, but especially women) ask me how I can submit to complementarianism when I care so much about speaking up for women. The fact that people ask me this shows me that they have not witnessed enough people both believing in complementarianism and fighting for women. It is no shock to me that waves of young women walk away from the church: They’re embraced by a culture that encourages them to be strong while the church seems to condemn their strength.

Brothers, I want to challenge you: Being complementarian does not mean that you cannot celebrate women. It does not mean that you cannot speak out against sexism. It does not mean that you have to be suspicious of women who desire to speak up.

It could mean fighting for gender equality in society because you know that despite God’s different designs for men and women, they are both equal in value and worth. It could mean giving a platform for the typically unheard voices of women to be heard because you know that to lead doesn’t mean silencing those you are leading. It could mean celebrating all the different and unconventional strengths of women because you know that your church needs godly and strong spiritual mothers as much as they need godly and strong spiritual fathers.

Brothers, may our churches be a place where girls can grow up confident and assured of God’s design because the church loves, respects, fights for, and celebrates them. May we not push them out because we unintentionally limit and belittle them out of our own fear of the world.



3. Focus on what women can do instead of what they cannot do

What I grieve, in addition to the hurt that Moore and other women may have received, is the lost opportunity to affirm the place of women in ministry. Even as MacArthur was publicly disagreeing with women preaching on the pulpit, he could have just as easily affirmed that women do have a place in the church elsewhere. His comments just leave women with what they cannot do instead of what they can do.

Brothers, I want to personally challenge you to be different. Regardless of where you are in the “spectrum” of complementarianism, there is so much that women can do as servants and leaders of your churches. Focus on what the women can do and where they can flourish instead of fixating so much on what they cannot do out of fear that the line will be crossed. If the women of your church have wrestled with and submit to your “lines” of complementarianism, then do everything you can to encourage them!

I want to take this a step further and really challenge the brothers who are leaders of their churches to consider hiring women or choosing them as leaders. Changing that volunteer women’s ministry coordinator position to a paid staff leadership role will speak volumes to the women at your church. It will tell them that you see the needs of the women, you believe women (frankly half of your congregation) are worth investing in, and most importantly – that you believe women can flourish and lead even within a complementarian context. I want to humbly challenge you to consider which roles at your church really have to be filled by men and which roles don’t. Why not maximize what women can be doing within complementarianism at your church?