Crack Fiction Contest (ONE DAY ONLY!)

Crack Fiction. The dark, stank filled corner of the internet that the SCP Foundation — with all its rules, organization, and grammar-filled-goodness — stands strongly against, rallies against, and prevents from filling our site.

Until now.

The Contest

You will write a piece of crack fiction for the site. The title has already been chosen, and there are certain requirements that come with each title. Each level of difficulty will give you the chance to earn more and more points.

The "Winners"

The winners will be determined by a combination of judges and rating. The judges (who are entirely impartial) will be required to drink heavily before scoring. As a note, this contest will employ no judges who are aged 21 or younger, in accordance with regulations and laws concerning the consumption of alcohol.

Bonus points are awarded for selecting higher difficulties. Further bonus points will be awarded if the subject of the story actually upvotes your story. Collusion and coercion are highly encouraged.

The top rated stories will be read aloud by selected staff members and posted to the site with those stories — for all eternity.

Being Classy

Don't.

Rules

The basic rules of the contest are as follows:

You must write a story using one of the titles. Once a title is claimed, no one else can write about it. You claim a title by editing this page and adding your name to the end of the title in the provided formatting. Once you've posted, edit again and make the title link to your page. Your entry must meet the word count requirements as listed with the title. These word counts were determined using the subject's highest and lowest SCP numbers. Use WordCounter to determine the total. The title doesn't count against the word count. Your entry should be in the 'tale' format. While it may include other elements from the site (SCP excerpts, for example), it should be a tale primarily. Once posted, you may not be delete or edit your entry, regardless of performance. Articles that dip into the deletion range are expected. No Minions© Judges are given a list of things to look for in each piece of crackfiction, but they are also given the latitude to rule that "they are just too drunk for this shit" and award whatever they want. Erotica, while not required, is technically permissible. However, it should be tagged 'adult' and possess a short disclaimer. Once posted, the entry should be tagged with "af2016". No whining. Points will be deducted for whining. Whine. Points will be awarded for whining.

Time Frame

IT'S OVER!

Story Tiers

Bonus points are awarded for selecting a higher tier, as noted. Read above for claiming stories.

Safe

Safe articles have no additional requirements and receive no bonus points.

Euclid

Euclid articles must include a character from a different work of fiction. Bonus points will be awarded for both obscurity (the non-Chewbacca Wookie from Attack of the Clones) or popularity (Naruto). Additional points will be given if at least one staff member squees on the discussion page. Even more points will be awarded for one act of horrible mischaracterization.

Keter

Keter articles must be entirely dialogue or possess none at all to be awarded bonus points.

Neutralized

Neutralized articles must be posted on fanfiction.net or archiveofourown.org. You must link to the crossposting in the discussion page to receive bonus points.

Title Claim Site Score Judge / Bonus Kill "The Headlights" and Put It in Neutral(ized) Jack Ike 0 2 Dr. Chelsea Elliott's Guide to Sticking that Green Thumb Right Up Your Ass church1alpha -1 2 Legally a Falcon (For Tax Purposes) Waterfire 4 2 Clef and Adams Roadtrip to Russia QuillofBlindie -7 2 SCP the Anime, part 4 (Gears/Iceberg, Clef/Kondraki, Rights/Light, Kain, monkey!Bright) MrWrong 6 3 Not Just A Sun-Launcher: The Trials & Tribulations of Dr. Epiphany Trebuchet The Lord O' Stonefish 0 2

Thaumiel

Thaumiel articles must also include your own character. This character cannot already exist in the SCP Foundation. Bonus points are awarded based of how much of a Mary Sue they are and how vehemently you attempt to show (in the story) that they aren't actually.

Decommissioned

Decommissioned articles must contain one spelling or grammar mistake every one to two sentences to be awarded bonus points. If these are "arguable" mistakes, the judge makes the call.

Title Claim Site Score Judge / Bonus lazy day at siet 37 ChrisAKAPiefish -5 2 My Loever, the Dog: The Incredibly True Story of Kain Pathos Crow Zmax15 18 4 Dr. Bridge Over Troubled Water Kestin 5 3 Zyn Kriyu only she's a buterfly TL333s 2 3 Teh Fantem of teh opura Cyantreuse 11 2 Carlysle Aktus is a prickly bastard (AN: high school AU) bouncl 3 5 foundation internets… haced DrStranger -8 2 lurking in the shadows Eekium -4 2 lode faster DAMIT MrAnakinSpecter -11 2 Wiggle Youre Wogglebug Shaggydredlocks -6 2 FUCK IM FAILING TO MAINTAIN THESE STARES………… EldritchCyanide 1 2

Points were awarded by judges (who picked up to five which they wanted to award points to). Additional points were awarded for being translated (because I was amazed), if the target of the contest upvoted it, and if it met the tier requirements. Each tier got its own winner, as noted above!