In 2014, I wrote a personal essay about navigating love and relationships as a transgender woman.

The piece elicited a tremendous response, especially from other transgender women who could relate to some of my experiences. Many expressed their particular frustration and anguish over how cisgender men would treat them, leading some to conclude that finding a partner is out of reach.

I was of no exception. Before meeting my fiancé Drew, almost all of the men attracted to me would insist upon our time together to be kept a secret. Something never to be spoken of with others. They were fearful of what others might think of dating a woman like me.

Friends of mine happily talked about their first dates or budding relationships. There was little for me to do other than politely listen and smile, never giving too many details of who I was actually seeing at the time.

The tradeoff of secrecy for dating never felt right. And why would it? Like other transgender women faced with men unwilling to be open and honest about their feelings, the requirement of silence was a dent to my sense of worth.

This silence has promoted a culture of deep-seated stigma among men attracted to transgender women. Even worse, this kind of silencing has given other men the permission to sensationalize, demonize, and brutalize transgender women. This grim reality is heightened if you are a transgender woman of color.

New Yorkers don’t have to look very far to understand the very real dangers of silencing. It’s been less than two years when 21-year-old Islan Nettles was beaten into unconsciousness by a group of men all because she was transgender. She died four days later.

We need men to collectively reimagine masculinity that doesn’t shame other men for their attractions to transgender women. We need a more inclusive kind of manhood that helps to dismantle the bias, violence, and discrimination affecting all women – regardless of their gender identity.

Being with Drew has reaffirmed what I should expect from a guy. I deserve to be treated with respect. Honesty should be the baseline to any relationship. And I should never have to be silent or hide who I am.

As Drew likes to say, “You’re the one thing that gives my life all of its color.” Here’s hoping more men finally recognize the beauty and worth of the transgender women in their lives.