The Long Version

DO

Feel free to let your hair down

You should feel free to wear whatever you want, dance like a lunatic, eat 4 pieces of birthday cake, or cuddle with your partner, without fear of judgement or harassment from anyone. You shouldn't have to worry about what other people think about your body size or politics, be afraid of getting hassled with unwanted sexual attention, or deal with offensive comments about your abilities, gender, race or sexuality. You should feel safe and supported by the NEST Code, so you can check your worries at the door and party like it's 1999.

Think before you speak

Even if you have an unspoken agreement that using certain language is OK amongst your inner circle of friends, think twice about how your words might feel to someone who overhears them. Also remember that just because someone isn't a member of whatever group you're joking/commenting about, doesn't mean they won't find it offensive. It's also entirely possible that one/some/all of your friends don't really like using that language, but they keep doing it because they have been too embarrassed to say anything or didn't want to make anyone in your group feel bad.

Communicate & respect boundaries

No one can define your boundaries except you, so speak up. If someone makes you uncomfortable, for ANY reason, then you should let them know, either directly or through an intermediary. That includes touching without asking, saying something that offends you, or even just looking at you in a way you don’t like. Be nice, but be firm.

If you’re unsure if something is OK, ask first. Even if you're picking up signals that it's OK, it never hurts to ask anyway.



Unless you get a clearly positive response such as "yes please" then say "no worries" and drop it (or move away if the person seems uncomfortable). Many people find it difficult to say the word "no", so look out for the many subtle ways of saying no, such as “Maybe later”, “I like you but”, “I’m not sure”, “You’ve/I’ve been drinking” – or even avoiding the question entirely with a nervous laugh or changing the subject. If someone looks uncertain, makes an excuse, or says anything that is not an enthusiastic "yes", take their uncertainty as a no.

Respect each other

Being respectful towards each other means that we can build an atmosphere of trust. Even if someone holds different beliefs, looks or acts differently, or has a different understanding of what having a good time means, they have just as much a right to their perspective as you do to yours. Sometimes the best sign of respect is to simply leave someone alone.



If you do make a social misstep, apologise. If someone isn't showing you respect, remember that keeping a respectful manner in a situation where someone is disrespecting you might be the best way to defuse the situation.

Help out when you can

If you sense that something isn't right or see that someone could use a hand negotiating a tricky situation, step up and support them. It's not always easy to ask for help, so try to recognise the signs that someone is in a situation they'd rather not be in. If you're not sure, then ask them. Helping out could be as simple as changing the focus of the conversation, inserting yourself between two people, or finding a discreet way to get them away from the other person – or taking a more direct action if asked to. And if someone does ask you for help but you feel you're not in a position or mindset to help them, work with them to find someone who can.