Is it too early in the season to make sweeping judgments about the uselessness of some of the EPL's most hyped players?

A little.

But after six games you can usually discern the stench of a rotting carcass, and there are already decomposing superstars littered all over the Premiership. These are the guys upon whom the expectations of greatness are laid so heavily that it seems to have crushed the life out of them, if not their teams. These players are the new Tom Cruise movie. The next Lindsay Lohan comeback. They're Jay Leno. They're the All-Disappointing EPL Starting XI. (Not counting Wayne Rooney, who is in a class by himself.)

And just to show that my shameless biases won't get in the way -- for once -- my beloved Arsenal ties for the most spots.

Goalkeeper -- Manuel Almunia, Arsenal

Next to Rooney, this was the most obvious next choice. And to think that only two years ago there were people not living in padded cells who were calling for the Spanish goalkeeper to become a UK citizen so he could play for England. Yes, he was a little eccentric -- he peroxided his hair and put his teacup terrier in little pink jackets -- but he was a solid shot-stopper with the occasional inspired performance. Who could have foreseen that he would morph into Arsenal's Bill Buckner? His latest piece of slapstick goalkeeping, a Gonzalo Jara low-angled drive that went through How-lmunia's hands and into the net against West Brom last Saturday, seemed to epitomize his entire season and once again underlined how manager Arsene Wenger's failure during the transfer window to replace him between the posts may lead to Arsenal's going trophy-less for the fifth straight year.

Defender -- Patrice Evra, Manchester United

I don't mean to pick on the sulky Frenchman (is that redundant?) because the bumbling United back line of John O'Shea, Jonny Evans and Nemanja Vidic also merits a place on this list. But France's World Cup captain had really nowhere to go but up after leading Les Bleus to mutinous disgrace in South Africa. And yet a case can be made that Evra has still not recovered his 2009 mojo. Where, for instance, are those slashing runs up the flank that made him such a force at both ends of the field? They were certainly not on display in the Spineless Surrender at Goodison and the Rescue at the Reebok. If the Red Devils rearguard continues to give away goals like they're strip club fliers -- the team has conceded nine goals in its first six Prem games, though the back line, with the reintroduction of Rio Ferdinand, looked competent against Valencia in the Champions League -- it will need Evra to once again become the attacking dynamo. Otherwise, United can continue to ogle Chelsea from a distance.

Defender -- Jamie Carragher, Liverpool

No one can dispute the passion and commitment that Carragher brings to every Reds game -- and there have been well over 600 in his 14 years at Anfield. But can you recall a single time this season that he brought the kind of bicep-flexing authority to the heart of Liverpool's defense that he did only a year or so ago? Surely, the Liverpool braintrust would have seen the 32-year-old's decline had they bothered to watch the World Cup in which he was routinely undressed by juggernauts like Algeria. Just because he's achieved Man of The People cult status at the club doesn't mean he still has the agility and speed to cope with quicksilver strikers like Darren Bent and Cameron Jerome. Remember, even Old Yeller got put to sleep.

Defender -- Antolin Alcaraz, Wigan Athletic

You want to talk about oxymorons? Try putting the words "Wigan Athletic" and "good defender" in the same sentence. Alcaraz was supposed to be the exception to the rule. The Paraguayan center back was a star of the brightest magnitude in South Africa, and yet, under Roberto Martinez, he's the leaking dam in the middle of one of the EPL's most waterlogged defenses, which has shipped 13 goals so far, including a four-spot to Blackpool. Blackpool!

Defender -- Gael Clichy, Arsenal

Once considered among the elite defenders in the Prem, if not in all of Europe, the diminutive Frenchman has had a nightmarish couple of weeks, a spate that coincides with the Gunners mustering just one feeble point from a possible six in their last two Prem games. It's one thing to be useless in the air -- Clichy last won a header when he outjumped Verne Troyer -- but the defender now seems to have lost his way on the ground as well. Gone are the perfectly timed, assured tackles that derailed an opposing attack and the dangerous forays down the flank that made him a double threat. What we see now are careless passes in his own half and mental walkabouts that result in games like Saturday's, when he was used and abused by West Brom. Loyal to a fault, Wenger has stuck by him, but how long before Clichy has a lovely view from the bench of 21-year-old Kieran Gibbs doing all the things at his position that he used to do so well?

midfield -- Lee Cattermole, Sunderland

Steve Bruce has every right to expect big things from his former Wigan enforcer, given that he shelled out almost $10 million in August 2009 to reunite with him at Sunderland. But what has been the Black Cats' return on their investment? Squadoosh. In spite of Bruce's warning about his player's obvious lack of discipline -- OK, penchant for limb-detaching violence -- Cattermole has already been sent off twice in six games and is earning a well-deserved reputation as the EPL's top thug, no mean accomplishment. If you're going to get dismissed as much as Manchester United's legendary hard man Roy Keane, the least you can do is play like him when you're on the field.

Midfielder -- Joe Cole, Liverpool

Remember the jubilation on Merseyside when the Reds signed the Chelsea playmaker on a free transfer over the summer? You'd have thought that the Beatles had descended from the skies to restore Liverpool's glorious tradition. Instead, the oh-so-injury-prone, oh-so-mercurial midfielder has proven oh-so-costly at around $143,000 a week. Despite playing in his preferred central role, the position he was never allowed to occupy at Stamford Bridge, Cole has been more anonymous than a Chatroulette encounter.

A colossally silly red card against Arsenal in the season opener was merely the appetizer. The entrée? One goal (in the Europa League) and zero assists in eight appearances.

Midfielder -- Wilson Palacios, Tottenham Hotspur

The hard-nosed Honduran was a revelation for Spurs last season, anchoring the midfield and helping to lead Tottenham to a fourth-place finish and first Champions League berth in club history. This season, it's as if he's forgotten how to complete a simple pass and make a basic tackle. Palacios' sieve-like presence contributed to defeats against Wigan in the Prem and Arsenal in the Carling Cup.

Midfielder -- Tim Cahill, Everton

Where's the fire from the normally bellicose, tatted-up Aussie? Carrying over his surprisingly subdued play for the Socceroos in South Africa, Everton's talismanic midfielder with the maddest hops in the EPL has failed to soar this season, just one of the reasons that the Toffees are stuck at the bottom of the table after six games, the league's only winless team. To be fair, Cahill has been hobbled with an injured knee and he has scored two goals, including one against United in Everton's memorable comeback. But if the Toffees hope to reverse their EPL trajectory, they will need a much larger injection of Travis Bickle-like intensity from their best player.

Midfielder -- Andrei Arshavin, Arsenal

[+] Enlarge Michael Regan/Getty Images Despite high expectations, David Moyes has his Toffees sitting at the bottom of the table.

Given that Arsene Wenger requires the Heimlich Maneuver to cough up cash for players, you can imagine the excitement that coursed through the Emirates when the Frenchman signed the Russian pixie to a then-club record fee of $23 million. While Arshavin did manage to bag all four goals in a magnificent 4-4 draw with Liverpool in a late-season EPL contest, the suffering Arsenal faithful have seen precious little since of that dynamic form. Granted, he's had some bad luck (tatooing the post on many occasions), scored two goals each in Prem and Champions League, making him the best of the worst on our list. But so much more is expected of this silky playmaker. Wasteful in front of goal and prone to disappearing acts, Arshavin's inconsistency seems to be enough to have convinced Wenger to never spend again.

Forward -- Fernando Torres, Liverpool

When healthy and happy, the Spaniard is one of the world's top five strikers, and yet, with a brooding expression to match his new John Stamos-like jet-black hair, Torres is more a stargazer than star. This season, El Nino has been on the receiving end of weekly batterings by muscular back lines manned by players that in years past he would have spun around like tops. It seems as if the EPL has broken him -- one goal, one assist so far this season is hardly up to his gold standard, even if he's still trying to regain full fitness from an injury suffered before the World Cup. Question is, can Humpty Torres put himself back together again in time to save the Reds? More to the point, does he want to?

Manager -- David Moyes, Everton

While it's tempting to pick Wenger for this dubious honor, Arsenal has only stuttered, not crashed and burned. So the nod goes to David Moyes, the much-admired Everton boss, who ironically has spent the last six years forging the EPL's most overachieving team only to now sit comfortably atop the heap of managerial underperformers. This was supposed to be the year Everton would overcome its insane tendency to start slowly before getting slower and then finally turning into world beaters during the last half of the season. Instead, the Toffees have played 10 decent minutes against United, and 530 awful ones against all other comers. Everton even managed to throw in a loss on penalties to League One Brentford in the Carling Cup.

The Toffees have always been at a disadvantage when competing with the billionaire-funded clubs at the top, but have made up for a lack of big-name game-changers with a bunch of battle-hardened pros whom Moyes has instilled with grit and pride. So how do they suddenly find themselves flailing away in the dank basement of the EPL? It's a question that Moyes will have to answer quickly before another dismal start prevents Everton from climbing back up.

David Hirshey has been covering soccer for more than 30 years and has written about the sport for The New York Times, Time, ESPN The Magazine and Deadspin. He is the co-author of "The ESPN World Cup Companion" and played himself (almost convincingly) in the acclaimed soccer documentary "Once in a Lifetime."