There comes a point in every relationship when you find yourself asking, “Is it worth it to stay with someone I know isn’t the perfect man for me, because the perfect man is accomplished actor and environmentalist Mark Ruffalo?” Despite the fact that he is the most ideal boyfriend out there for you and for all of us, it is possible to have a long, enriching and healthy relationship even if the person you’re dating is not the intelligent and disarmingly sexy film star Mark Alan Ruffalo. Here’s how to love him when he’s not Mark.

Focus on His Positives

The first step to loving the one you’re with is to remember all of the positive qualities your partner has. Perhaps he’s a good listener, or an excellent cook, or is kind to strangers. These are all admirable traits that deserve to be noticed, even if they’re not as great as, say, the unfussy feminism and down-to-Earth humility of Mark Ruffalo, who always seems really chill even though he has Avengers money which is neither here nor there but it would be one less thing to worry about. Even if he’s not Mark, you’re with your man for a reason, namely because he’s not bad.

Try to Stay Present in Reality

The most important thing is to remember that your boyfriend isn’t a magic fix to all your problems ­– he’s your partner in this grand adventure we call life. If he’s supportive and giving, then he’s worth sticking by in good times and bad. You never know what might be coming next; for example, sometimes it’s hard to keep a family together like in The Kids Are All Right, and what if there’s a serial killer on the loose like in Zodiac, or you fall victim to the AIDS crisis like in The Normal Heart, or you have to investigate a conspiracy of silence like in Spotlight. Wow, how does he always choose the best projects? Anyways, try to accept you’re life where it is, without Mark in it.

Take a Break from Mark Ruffalo Films for a Bit

Speaking of great films, it is crucial that you stay away from the Ruffalo filmography if you’re ever in a fight with your boyfriend. Do not, under any circumstances, watch 13 Going On 30 while angry with your significant other. Sure, Ruffalo perfectly demonstrates the ideal version of an actual nice guy, with a crush on his female friend that never turns creepy or entitled, pretty much the perfect man who has been right in front of your eyes this whole time, but seriously, shut your laptop, turn off the television, just stop. No good can come of this. It does not do to dwell on dreams that cannot be. You have a perfectly okay boy friend right in front of you.

The point is that smart, sensitive, Kenosha, Wisconsin-born Mark Ruffalo is not your boyfriend. But hey, you are not the Mark Ruffalo of girlfriends, okay? You are not an underrated but always welcome screen presence who has worked steadily with a number of great directors in critically acclaimed projects with a lot of heart. That’s Laura Linney, and you are no Laura Linney (is it time to watch You Can Count On Me again? It might be.) So suck it up and love your boyfriend. He’s a good guy and it’s not his fault that he’s not Mark Ruffalo.