San Francisco, CA – In the modern age of marketing, you can’t look anywhere without being flooded with constant advertisements. A blank square inch of space is a lost opportunity for companies these days. This week, it was announced that one hospital’s specimen cups will be getting rebranded.

David Grossenyuck, head of the marketing department at Sunny Valley Hospital, gave us a few examples of sponsors that will be participating:

Minute Maid Lemonade / Urine Specimen Containers – According to Grossenyuck, Minute Maid was the first company to approach the hospital. “They bought the rights to any urine specimen container and will be adding classic lemonade stickers to all normal-ish samples, and pink lemonade stickers to the more atypical samples.”

Hershey’s Chocolate / Stool Specimen Containers – Grossenyuck said Hershey’s paid an absolute fortune for exclusive rights to any specimen cup that contains a sample that falls in the Bristol 1 – 4 categories on the Bristol Stool Scale. “They don’t want anything too runny, they don’t want to encourage the negative “Hershey Squirts” branding,” he said.

Hellmann’s Mayonnaise / “Anything that looks thick and white” – Somehow, Hellmann’s was able to secure the entire range of specimens that appear white and thick-ish. Grossenyuck thinks this is because no one else really wanted to be associated with that type of stuff.

Tyson Chicken / Biopsy Specimens – Since a lot of Tyson products appear to be unidentifiable forms of meat, the company felt that random biopsy specimens would be the perfect brand builder for the future. They plan to continue branching out into the ‘mystery meat’ market and see this as the perfect opportunity.

There is significant worry that hospital employees may get these containers mixed up with their lunch boxes, but administration already has 47 separate initiatives, each with a clever-ass acronym, to keep everything straight. White Coat Weekly will continue to update on this exciting rebranding effort!

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