Mike Davis

@byMikeDavis

JACKSON - “Why are you here, if you’re gay?"

Peter Lanza Jr. says it became a routine question in his old catechism class at St. Aloysius Parish.

But after requesting a transfer to another class, the 14-year-old Lanza said he felt as comfortable as a gay teenager could in a Catholic education course.

The feeling didn’t last long. In December, Lanza was transferred to yet another CCD class. Lanza said a school official told him a parent called and said she was uncomfortable with him being in her child’s class.

MORE: Jackson teen booted from CCD class

Less than 24 hours later, Lanza said, there was a different phone call, this time to Lanza's parents: The Rev. John Bambrick suggested that Lanza be home-schooled, according to Lanza's father.

No reason was given for the teen's removal, the Lanzas said, nor was there any mention of the purported complaint from another parent. The Lanzas say It was only after lawyers got involved that a "behavioral issue" was referenced, though the church has never offered a further explanation.

Keep reading for heartfelt videos of Peter's father discussing the case

What has ensued in the three months since Bambrick's call is a very public dispute about what is ordinarily a very private and sometimes fraught journey — the religious education of a gay teen.

The young Lanza's story has been featured prominently in the media and widely shared on Facebook, with much of the discussion focused on whether it was a story about behavior or anti-gay discrimination.

Bambrick has declined to comment, referring a reporter to a church statement stating the parish "respects the dignity of all persons, without exception, and welcomes the opportunity to teach the faith to every Catholic who wishes to learn it." The church added: No CCD student has ever been sent to home-schooling due to sexual orientation.

The younger Lanza, however, believes he is being treated unfairly: “Why the hell would you discriminate? It doesn’t matter. If you don’t like it, shut up. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.”

While the Catholic Church still considers homosexual acts a sin, Pope Francis has been historically liberal on the issue.

“If someone is gay and searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge,” he said in 2013.

Despite a decline over the last decade, instances of bullying and harassment of gays and lesbians in the Catholic Church are still prevalent, said Marianne Duddy-Burke, executive director of Dignity USA, a support and advocacy organization for LGBTQ Catholics.

At some Catholic schools, students have been prohibited from organizing Gay Straight Alliance clubs, she said.

“We really need church officials to stand up to this kind of message,” Duddy-Burke said when briefed on Lanza's situation. “You’d think that, at a minimum, the priest or CCD teacher would say, ‘we need to be treating each other with respect.’ Pulling a kid out of CCD class doesn’t sound very respectful.”

The younger Lanza said harassment has become a part of everyday life, heightened by social media. He says he received a threat via YouTube last year that included a "warning" and footage of a video game shoot-'em-up. Another classmate recently sent a voyeuristic video via Snapchat that labeled Lanza as a "wild (homophobic slur)."

MORE: Looking for LGBTQ-friendly churches?

For the last few weeks, however, the biggest thing on Lanza's mind has been applying to the Ocean County Performing Arts Academy, a high school run by the county.

Lanza said he believes the school represents a chance to belong to what he believes will be a more welcoming community.

The teen said he prays every day, and there's a cross and painting of Jesus in his bedroom. Lanza plans on wearing an old Baptism necklace after it is repaired.

The family’s Catholic faith had been reassuring, Lanza said, outside of a brief crisis where he wondered, “does God hate me?”

“I’ve been through a lot. It comes and goes – but mostly comes and sometimes doesn’t go,” Lanza said. “But I deal with it.”

Still waiting

Peter Lanza Sr. said he believes he knows the parent who purportedly complained: Last summer, a parent referred to his child as an “ugly queer,” he said.

The disruption in his child's Catholic education has weighed on his mind, he said.

“There is anger and there is sorrow like you can’t imagine. I think about this every minute of every day because it stops him from growing. And I can’t have that,” the elder Lanza said. “It’s protection. I have to protect him. I have to put this on my shoulders and take care of it.

MORE: Boy Scouts reverse ruling, ask transgender boy to return

“I have to pave the way because I can’t have him derailed in any way,” he said.

While the elder Lanza has explored a lawsuit against St. Aloysius, he doesn't believe he will file one as the church "seems immune."

The LGBTQ community has become increasingly welcomed by the larger church community, where about 60 percent of Catholics in the United States support same-sex marriage, Duddy-Burke said.

MORE: Congregation welcomes gay, lesbian churchgoers

“Family is such a big value that, the amount of Catholics who have come out and forced their families to confront this issue in a very personal way, all seem to have contributed to this growing support,” she said.

The elder Lanza still goes to church, though he questioned his faith for the first few weeks after his son was dismissed from catechism class.

“Do I denounce it and leave? Absolutely not. I’m not against Jesus Christ or God. This is a man who made a bad decision. All I consider a priest is someone preaching the word of God. He’s a man. He’s not the one I’m worshipping.”

His arms are covered in full-sleeve tattoos — the right decorated with a large cross, the left with the names of his children and a crown of thorns connecting them.



Mike Davis: 732-643-4223; mdavis@gannettnj.com