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The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.

Before you make your judgments, know that I never intended to find myself here. It’s a big secret, what you’re about to read about. It’s a dirty secret. Embarrassing secret. Shameful secret. I have a BA in Anthropology, and am a passionate people-watcher. I don’t judge, because it takes all kinds to make the world go around.

Humans are sexual beings, curious and sexual. How else would our species have succeeded? It is in our genetic code to spread our gene pool as much as possible in our lifetime. Whether we like to admit it or not, humans are not monogamous creatures. We pass ourselves off as such for reasons that society imposes. For that reason, sex sells, and sex will always sell. Prostitution, for example, is the oldest profession in history. With that being said, I am not a prostitute.

For those of you who are perhaps naive about the term “Webcam Model,” I can only say that the name of the profession is misleading. A Webcam Model is one who puts on a show (I use this vague term for a reason) for money. Visitors to the website that you are broadcasting on are primarily men. Depending on the website, different tipping or payment systems apply. In short, I appear on a live webcam stream in exchange for money.

Because of the varying interests of clients, visitors, patrons – whatever you’d like to call them – shows vary just as much. Most commonly, clients come to my chat room for sexual reasons. Sexual, in this industry, is also a vague term. Other times, rarely, men visit my chat room for friendship, companionship. A well-liked “model” (I am of the opinion that the term “personality” would be more appropriate) is able to accommodate any extreme of the two types of clients – sexual, and not. I must market myself as interesting, desirable, and compelling – all of which I think that I am, but am not so conceited to think that I am all of those things to everyone. Every woman is beautiful, every woman has something to offer, and most times, there will always be someone there to buy it.

Shows vary from clothed hour-long conversations to five-minute masturbatory sessions. Both are equally exhausting. An hour-long conversation with a stranger can test your nerves, it can bridge lines that may make you uncomfortable. The pressure is on for you to be perceived as the person that someone that you do not know wants you to be. Each show is different for each client. Some feel entitled to make you do what they want – after all, they are paying for their time with you. Others, my preferred type, find a woman the most attractive when they are comfortable, when they are themselves, and not acting. I have my boundaries, though I never openly talk about them.

My boundaries are simple – nothing illegal. This generally has all of my bases covered, as far as rape fantasies, underage fantasies, incestual fantasies, beastiality fantasies, etcetera. My boundaries are there, and yes, clients do try to cross them. It is usually up to me to steer the conversation in a different direction without judging, or simply saying, “No, I won’t do that.” This is not to say that other conversations about taboo fantasies will be ended. Often times, the most monetarily rewarding clients want you to role play morbid scenes. I find it all compelling and interesting, after the initial shock. I find that the best part of webcam modeling is that of learning to accept. I don’t have to like what people are divulging to me, but I am interested to listen. I respect each client, because they are human, but I also respect myself.

One example of a legal, albeit bizarre request, is a man who I endearingly refer to in my chat room as “The Butter Man.” The Butter Man contacts me frequently under different screen names from time to time, requesting that I slather butter on my lady-parts. As I am sitting here, writing this, I am having to constantly remind myself that this is a confession; the nitty gritty details about The Butter Man are necessary in order to convey successfully what a webcam model must endure. The fact of the matter is that I don’t ever have to endure anything. I don’t endure The Butter Man; Not everything has a price.

Ah price tags. You all want to know what I make, and for what. Each different website differs, but for the most part, one can expect to earn, realistically, about $200 a day if you really work at it. I mean *really* work at it, and put at least 30 hours a week in. I don’t have patience to *really* work at it, and I have a regular job. I do it for a little entertainment, and a little extra cash. At some points, some men will throw money at you for nothing. Just because they like you, or more likely, because it makes them feel powerful. This makes one feel uncomfortable the first time it happens, but they will spend their money as they see fit, and who am I to complain? Webcam modeling also takes its own emotional toll on those who may not be mentally prepared for harsh words meant to tear you down. Faint of heart and weak of mind need not try their hand at this gig. Many models suffer low self esteem, and it’s easy to see why. Humans are not only sexual, but sometimes malicious. With the internet comes hoards of people with problems of their own just looking for someone to take them out on. The internet has enabled millions of people to throw out nasty words anonymously, which makes them feel better about their own insecurities. It’s the only way to explain their behavior. I have to be bigger than them.

I never intended in a thousand lifetimes to be doing what I am doing right now. A webcam model; a webcam personality; a professional masturbator? I don’t know what to call myself, but I am successful. It’s not because I have no shame – I most certainly do. I have an open mind though. This is my dirty secret.



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