MEN who believe they are alpha males are deluded, it has emerged.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies studied self-styled alpha males and found them to be undistinguished men with larger-than-average watches.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “One thing that’s clear is that anyone who thinks they’re an alpha male isn’t one.

“94% of these people are involved with either the selling or marketing of mobile phones, an industry which is inherently unmanly. They live in new-build flats they can’t really afford and read GQ magazine for tips on how to find favour with their boss.

“The true alpha male is a mythical yeti-like beast – wild, unphotographed and possibly mythical.

“It would be more useful to classify men, and indeed humans overall, as ‘idiot’ or ‘not idiot’.”

31-year-old Stephen Malley said: “I’m an alpha male because I shout at people, for example laundrette staff and anyone else who isn’t allowed to answer back because of their employment terms.

“Also I have a weirdly clean serial killer-type home and a remote control that operates nine different gadgets and can make my favourite Olly Murs track play in any room including the airing cupboard.

“Additionally I have previous convictions for stuff involving rohypnol but that’s all in the past now.”