LA MALBAIE, CANADA (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that they were “tremendously relieved” that Donald J. Trump is leaving the G-7 summit early, the leaders of France and Canada said on Friday that they had been planning not to tell Trump the location of the G-7 after party.

Speaking to reporters, Emmanuel Macron and Justin Trudeau said that there had been “total consensus” among non-U.S. participants to withhold information about the time, place, and existence of an after party from Trump.

“The plan was, if Trump asked about an after party, we were going to be, like, ‘Ask Angela Merkel,’ ” Macron said. “Angela was going to totally stonewall him.”

Merkel confirmed that she had planned to tell Trump that she “didn’t think anyone was planning to do anything” after the summit and steadfastly to deny “hearing anything” about an after party.

“I would have had no problem lying to him, despite our two countries going way back, to D-Day or whenever,” Merkel said, rolling her eyes.

Trudeau said that the after party will proceed as scheduled when the G-7 concludes, on Saturday, adding, “Now that Trump is out of here, we’ll really have something to celebrate.”