People are often amazed that I can get into corps on Monk in order to kill them. Frankly, I’m amazed, too. My bio is full of quotes of people losing their minds because of something I’ve done, my medals call me an awoxer, my corp history is definitely in competition for longest in the game and I have a monocle. Frankly, it’s mind-blowing.

So I joined with an outfit called Plasmatek. I had a bit of extra time on a weekday morning, so I was just going to see what I could accomplish before I had to actually start my day. I was running unsupported and in a fat ass Fleet Tempest. My lock time was atrocious, my ability to escape was minimal, and I was buffer tanked, so if it turned out I bit off more than I could chew I was very certainly going to lose my boat.

I was in their comms shooting the shit and being a nice guy when I landed on their mining op. There was an Orca, a Hulk, a Mackinaw, and a smattering of lesser mining boats. I pointed the Orca and Hulk and started shooting the Mack, hoping to kill him before he noticed. Macks, having huge ore holds, are often AFK. Alas for me, he noticed and got away, so I crushed the Hulk beneath the heel of my shoe and took a minute to kill the Orca. He was uninterested in paying a ransom, so it went down fairly cleanly.

[ 2013.03.26 16:50:57 ] Psychotic Monk > Wanna save the Orca?

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:04 ] Psychotic Monk > 500m

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:06 ] thurrston > why…

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:15 ] Tali Charante > ?

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:24 ] thurrston > monk just took out my orca

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:28 ] thurrston > hulk i mean

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:33 ] Psychotic Monk > Well, not yet.

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:43 ] Psychotic Monk > I’m stalling for a ransom negotiation.

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:46 ] Psychotic Monk > But he’s in structure.

[ 2013.03.26 16:51:52 ] Psychotic Monk > Wanna pay to save the Orca?

[ 2013.03.26 16:52:19 ] Tarken SpellJammer > hang on

[ 2013.03.26 16:52:32 ] Psychotic Monk > 500m. No hanging on.

[ 2013.03.26 16:52:40 ] Psychotic Monk > Quickquick.

[ 2013.03.26 16:53:02 ] Tarken SpellJammer > wait

[ 2013.03.26 16:53:04 ] Tarken SpellJammer > desert

[ 2013.03.26 16:53:20 ] Psychotic Monk > Too late.

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=19201493

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=19201492

As I was finishing off the Orca, the CEO landed in a Sabre. While a Sabre is a super strange choice for highsec, I was a bit concerned. If he got in close quickly and took down my drones in short order I wouldn’t be able to hit him. I could probably neut him out, but it might not be quick enough to make an escape.

Fortunatly for me, it didn’t go down that way. Instead, he landed at 10km. I turned on the MWD and the neuts and started burning straight away. He followed very predictably and I murdered him in fairly short order.

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=19201491

I made my usual offer to leave corp if they paid me, killed me, or gave me a medal. Or, in this instance, I gave them a fourth option.

[ 2013.03.26 17:00:36 ] Psychotic Monk > Yeah, or just pod me.

[ 2013.03.26 17:00:45 ] Psychotic Monk > I’m sitting outside top station if you want to.

[ 2013.03.26 17:01:03 ] Psychotic Monk > Either you pod me or I dock up and can therefore be kicked. Either way.

[ 2013.03.26 17:01:14 ] Psychotic Monk > Other incentives I’ll accept include payment or a medal.

[ 2013.03.26 17:01:22 ] Steven Hochheimer > you’re not really going to get any money.

[ 2013.03.26 17:01:32 ] Steven Hochheimer > or a medal

[ 2013.03.26 17:01:35 ] thurrston > ahhh well, this is the drama my non eve playing friends like to hear about

[ 2013.03.26 17:02:14 ] Steven Hochheimer > It’s not even drama

[ 2013.03.26 17:02:19 ] Steven Hochheimer > I really dont even care that we lost that.

[ 2013.03.26 17:02:23 ] Psychotic Monk > Why not a medal? They’re only 5 mil and they can say whatever you want them to say. Check my existing medals for inspiration.

[ 2013.03.26 17:03:20 ] Psychotic Monk > Oh, or here’s a limited time fourth option.

[ 2013.03.26 17:03:28 ] Psychotic Monk > I’m running for CSM and I need endorsements.

[ 2013.03.26 17:03:35 ] Psychotic Monk > https://community.eveonline.com/community/csm/candidates/

[ 2013.03.26 17:03:37 ] Steven Hochheimer > for what

[ 2013.03.26 17:04:10 ] Tali Charante > haha good luck being a CSM they need real eve players not jokes

[ 2013.03.26 17:04:18 ] Psychotic Monk > The council of stellar management. It’s player representation to CCP.

[ 2013.03.26 17:04:32 ] Psychotic Monk > Tali, why do you say I’m not a real player?

[ 2013.03.26 17:05:10 ] Tali Charante > well I can name 100 of reasons Mittani being one of them

[ 2013.03.26 17:05:54 ] Psychotic Monk > What does the Mittani have to do with me?

[ 2013.03.26 17:06:43 ] Tali Charante > well if you can´t figure that out you dont deserve a vote we need people who know how to change eve

[ 2013.03.26 17:12:36 ] Psychotic Monk > Why don’t I deserve a vote?

About this time our friend Tali showed up in a Megathron. We were on station. I was near the front and he was near the back. There was about 50km separating us, so I hustled over. I figured he would just dock up once he started taking damage, but you never hit if you never swing, so I orbited a fair bit outside of blaster range and started giving him the gift of ammo and taking his capacitor in return.

I was pleasantly suprised to see him start shooting at me to no effect. His shields went away and I started to notice a bit of armor boosting. Thankfully, the neuts were already doing their work. He still had most of his armor when the red box turned yellow, so I closed distance to get better damage on him and try to get him to reengage.

He wasn’t reengaging, so I overheated my guns, hoping that I’d be able to burn through his tank before he docked up. If he had been a standard buffer Mega that definitely wouldn’t have worked, but it was a non-factor as once he was down to a quarter armor he turned the red back on, tearing into the shields of my armor-tanked TFI.

Then, finally, with a ferocious yawp I cleaved his spaceboat into several pieces.

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=19201490

Rather than trying to warp away, he tried to dock his pod up, forgetting that he still had a weapons timer. My incredibly slow targeting got his pod and made a killmail out of it.

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=19201489

The physical part of our encounter concluded, I got back to some points he raised about my CSM candidacy.

[ 2013.03.26 17:13:26 ] Tali Charante > man you sure are a retard are u geesh and u think people will vote and some one stupid I just told u why and you still ask what do u got for brains shit ?

[ 2013.03.26 17:14:15 ] Psychotic Monk > You didn’t tell me why. All you said is that The Mittani is a reason.

[ 2013.03.26 17:15:45 ] Tali Charante > we need people who know how to change eve for the better man you are sure dense and blind geesh if I need to explain me twice you sure are more stupid than I would ever belive

[ 2013.03.26 17:15:51 ] Psychotic Monk > Tali Charante For real, though. Please explain yourself. You’re not being very clear right now.

[ 2013.03.26 17:16:06 ] Steven Hochheimer > Honestl tali I’m not worried about this guy

[ 2013.03.26 17:16:11 ] Psychotic Monk > I *do* know how to change eve for the better. Would you like to read my platform?

[ 2013.03.26 17:16:19 ] Tali Charante > and something I hate is stupid people

[ 2013.03.26 17:16:20 ] Steven Hochheimer > it’s a function of eve and it’s what people do. No one will truly vote for him

Tali thereafter developed a bit of an obsession with stupid people.

[ 2013.03.26 17:17:41 ] Psychotic Monk > Tali, what makes you think I’m stupid?

[ 2013.03.26 17:17:50 ] Tali Charante > some time I wish I could find stupid people and murder them all

[ 2013.03.26 17:18:08 ] Psychotic Monk > And Steve, what makes you figure nobody will vote for me?

[ 2013.03.26 17:18:11 ] XxWolf Risalo > stupid is relitive if you did that who would we call stupid?

[ 2013.03.26 17:18:40 ] thurrston > It’s relative, and everyone thinks they are above average ; D

[ 2013.03.26 17:18:41 ] XxWolf Risalo > we have stuipd people they play a role so smart people can feel better about themselves 😀

[ 2013.03.26 17:18:55 ] Steven Hochheimer > lol

[ 2013.03.26 17:19:08 ] Psychotic Monk > Anyways, I’m still hanging out on this station if someone wants to make me dock up or kill me.

[ 2013.03.26 17:19:14 ] Tali Charante > well they destroy our world with there tiny brain´s

[ 2013.03.26 17:20:26 ] Psychotic Monk > Tali, you don’t use an apostrophe when you pluralize.

Through this I was wandering towards someone I saw in space in Funt and noticed a Corax on gate with me.

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=19201941

Have the full pastebin below.

http://pastebin.com/V5mj2xjS