Only 1 per cent of parents taking the government's paid parental leave are men, according to Stats NZ.

OPINION: In my dream world, my husband and I would have taken an equal amount of parental leave after the birth of our son Hugo two years ago. We would have then both returned to work part-time, with Hugo going to daycare a couple of days a week and us alternating looking after him the rest of the time.

In reality, I took a year off work and then went back to my job three days a week while my husband's career continued uninterrupted. Of course I know it was a huge privilege to be able to be off work for a year and to be able to work part-time. Many parents don't get that choice.

But still, I regret that my dream of equal parenting did not happen, and probably won't happen if we have another child.

Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is due to have her first baby in a few weeks, with her partner Clarke Gayford taking on the primary caregiver role six weeks after the birth.

READ MORE:

* Bill English talks nappies with RadDads

* Text messages for dads show how low the bar for fatherhood is set

* How To Dad creator Jordan Watson shares parenting tricks

With news of this hitting international headlines, New Zealand might be seen as a great place for gender equality but in reality, very few male Kiwis become primary caregivers.

Only about 1 per cent of parents taking the government's paid parental leave are fathers, according to Stats NZ.

And data from the Household Labour Force Survey shows about 3 percent of men not in the labour force listed looking after children as their main occupation last year, compared to 19.3 percent of women.

In our family, my husband taking significant time off work was not an attractive option because he earns far more than I do.

Many couples make the choice in part based on money, and with Kiwi women earning between 9 percent and 16 percent less than men on average it's not surprising how the stats end up. In two cases among our friends with young children where the mother earns more, it's been the father who has reduced hours to care for kids.

In same-sex couples we know, the one earning less money takes parental leave too.

But money is not the only problem. Even if we were willing to make a huge financial sacrifice, my husband says working part-time as a manager in IT isn't an option. I don't buy this argument. Mothers find a way to work reduced hours in various jobs so I don't see why fathers can't.

He argues that even if he wanted to work part-time (which he doesn't), his employer would not allow it. And I know many dads in the same situation.

I heard the story of how Sweden (of course I was going to bring up Sweden – they seem to do everything right) managed to get more fathers taking parental leave in a Longest Shortest Time podcast episode.

In 1974, it became the first country in the world to give paid parental leave to both men and women. They started with six months and expended to 14 months by the early 1990s. Couples could divide this leave the way they wanted.

But fathers were not taking up leave and 15 years after this policy was introduced, women were still doing most of the childcare. The gender pay gap was still wide and women struggled to access positions of power.

In 1991, only 6 per cent of fathers took any parental leave. They were called "velvet fathers" and not taken seriously in the workplace.

So in a controversial move, the government introduced what is often referred as the "daddy month". Each parent had a month they could not transfer to the other partner – if fathers didn't use their month, they would lose the entitlement.

This new policy gave dads permission to take the leave – it would have been foolish not to do so.

Sweden has since extended the "daddy month" to three months and now 9 out of 10 fathers take some parental leave.

We are a long way from this here, with dads only getting two weeks unpaid leave after the birth of their child.

I remember feeling helpless when my husband returned to work a mere 10 days after Hugo was born. I was still recovering from a traumatic birth, struggling to establish breastfeeding and I had no idea what I was doing.

Employers' attitude towards men taking time off work to be with their family and working part-time needs to change. In fact, everyone – regardless of age and gender – should be able to work on a flexible basis, be it to look after a child, a parent or devote more time to a hobby.

Victoria University senior law lecturer Amanda Reilly told RNZ this week that the government should introduce a separate, ring-fenced entitlement for partners set at minimum wage. Australia offers two weeks paid leave to partners – so why can't we?

This would be a great step towards changing attitudes around parental leave – and might bring me a tiny bit closer to my equality dream.