Question:

Hey, I've been following your blog for a while now and after reading previous Q&A about when couples should start having sex, I wanted to ask if it's even that important to have sex in a relationship. I'm only 16 so I know I'm young but if I start going out with a guy and refuse to give him sex is it bad?

Anonymous (Washington D.C.)





Answer:

Okay so look, sex is something you shouldn't be forced into. Only do it when you're ready, not because of peer pressure, it's not a requirement and if a guy leaves you because you won't have sex with him then he probably doesn't deserve you.

Now that that's out of the way, I would say that sex IS very important. Not just for the act alone, but for the intimacy between your partner. Is it the MOST important? No, because everything - trust, love, commitment, compatibility, emotional fulfillment, are all interconnected and none is more important - they all need to work together.

Sex/intimacy is how we bond with our partner, share our intimate selves, how we pleasure, express, laugh and play, and enjoy one another. It's a glue,

a bond. In a healthy relationship, sex is the icing that adds that extra something to the cake. In an unhealthy relationship though...sex can just mask the crumbling cake underneath.

Now, I think from past experience sudden changes in one's sexual desire...can relate to job stress, emotional stress, problems with the relationship, health issues, cheating, any number of things. And as the other partner, you know your partner best, or have the best capacity to look at other aspects of the relationship and the person to see what may be affecting things. Sex is 90% mental in my opinion, and often when one partner suddenly withdraws it often relates to the emotional fulfillment/connection changing in the relationship.



