RALEIGH, NC—Claiming he only needs something that’s easy to hook up with internet capabilities, local dad Greg Knox informed his family Friday that he just wants a simple, no-nonsense Xbox One for checking emails. “I don’t want any of those fancy Xboxes with the Kinects or headsets or anything like that. It would just be nice to have one where I can see emails, go on Netflix, maybe look at people’s pictures,” said Knox, claiming the only “app or whatever” he wanted was Internet Explorer. “No bells and whistles for me, I don’t want to bother with any Sea Of Thieves special editions or anything big and powerful like the Xbox One X. I just want movies and internet. Maybe some games like solitaire or chess, if it comes with those built in.” Knox later grew frustrated and threw the controller across the den when his son tried to show him how to work Star Wars Battlefront II.

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