Barnett Formula calculated to equal the square root of fuck all

The Barnett Formula, the mechanism that proportionately allocates government funding to England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, has been calculated to equal the square root of fuck all in the wake of the £1bn of extra cash given to Northern Ireland in return for the DUP supporting the minority Tory government.

Scotland, Wales and English regions have all questioned the payment, mainly by asking how much extra they will then be getting according the Barnett Formula, only to be told, “The square root of fuck all”.

Simon Williams, Professor of Economics at Oxford University, said, “I’d always thought the Barnett Formula was quite simple.

“If the UK average expenditure on services is 100% per head, England gets 97.1%, Scotland gets 115.5%, Wales gets 110.5% and Northern Ireland gets 123.8%.

“That’s the formula.

“So to just give Northern Ireland an extra £1bn means that everyone else needs to get more money too according to the formula.

“But it turns out that the Barnett Formula is even simpler than I thought – everyone else just gets the square root of fuck all.

“I don’t know why I bothered studying this so much.”