Tuesday was a big day in the Mile High City. The 2014 midterms took place, but perhaps the occasion that will be most remembered about November fourth occurred in Lodo rather than Capitol Hill. Shockingly, the Rockies traded the 11th ranked prospect (MLB.com ranking) for computer software. This is not just any software though; this is a Veteran Spell Checking Software… a huge step forward for the 2015 season. The team is ecstatic about the much-needed addition. The Rockies are adamant this deal will pay off for them. They have high expectations for the new member of the organization.

Although the Rockies had to trade top pitching prospect Jon Gray who is a 50+ FV prospect, a future front-end guy, the front office feels like they made the deal of the year. New GM Jeff Bridich said, “When you have the opportunity to go out and acquire a software that is so battle tested, you are at the mercy of the other teams asking price.” Jon Gray will likely be a valuable contributor for years to come on his new club, but a high-caliber spell checking software has a lower turnover rate, besides the Rockies only need five pitchers and when was the last time a computer software needed Tommy John Surgery?

Jay Alves who will be entering his 9th season as Vice President of Communications said “You know, this software can keep the entire organization in check. One starter? Who only plays 30 or so games a year? What is he going to do?”

Jeff Bridich talked about his admiration for Theo Epstein and the Cubs. “They are proving pitching prospects are worthless. We already have more than enough hitting so I figured what do we, as an organization need? The answer came to me in the form of my commemorative collector’s item Coors Field cup, where we misspelled the name of our ‘Golden Arendo’ promotion. I figured let’s do Jay (Alves) a favor and prevent our organization from another spelling mishap.”

Dick Monfort was evidently the mastermind behind this deal. He was spotted this week wearing a misspelled “I am Baseball’s Jerry Jnoes” tee-shirt at the Cherry Creek Mall.

In the introductory press conference for the software Monfort was overjoyed. “It’s not like pitchers win MVPs anyways.” Monfort is also on the record as saying “Andrew Friedman is not executive material.” The Dodgers seemingly out to prove Monfort wrong will have done both things in a few months span. Going back to the software, Charlie Monfort while sipping from a red solo cup, came up on stage and said, “We were really pumped to hear the software’s favorite numbers were 1, and 7. Two numbers that are very important to the Rockies organization. So we decided to give the software an honorary jersey with the number 71 that has “Hleon” on the back.” Charlie Monfort went on to say. “We get these uniforms from China, of course they are screwed up! They should be made by good ole ‘mericans in Greeley Colorado.”

When it is all said and done for this software it could be the greatest in Rockies history. It’s SAR (Spelling above replacement) ranked in the top five in the league every year for the past seven years. Truly MVP caliber grammar corrections. This Rockies fan can only hope that it’s jersey retirement ceremony won’t be ruined by a faulty pipe.

Rockies superstar Troy Tulowitzki who has been asking for change said, “The software is going to have to take it one promotion at a time, it is a rigorous 81 games at Coors for our marketers and it only takes one misplaced letter to cause a national firestorm. I was personally asking for change, I am glad we finally got it.”

Nolan Arenado also spoke his mind, “You know, I am just glad it never got to a point where someone *coughs Charlie Monfort coughs* ‘accidentally’ made some sort of Dinger promotion where he swapped out the I for an O. Luckily we have the new spell-check to take care of all the issues that we have had in the past year.”

Rockies prospect Eddie Butler who is a friend of Gray’s went on the record. “You know it is kind of upsetting honestly, they couldn’t even get the best software available. It makes me think, how much trade value do I have? What software is comparable to my value? I heard the big club needs a new intro, so I think I may get traded for Final Cut Pro X. I wonder if the front office knows about torrents, I heard Charlie (Blackmon) got Photoshop off of pirate bay. Point is, as long as I don’t get dealt for Digital Checkers I will be content.”

The spell checking software is from 2007 Microsoft Office; it has had a great record, working for Ned Colletti, Kurt Gibson, and Manny Ramirez. Manny has said in the past “Being grammatically correct is something that I highly value.”

It is really good to see the Rockies take more things from 2007, eight years later. Tradition is not built overnight, but it is more easily built with veteran leadership. Fitting into this category LaTroy Hawkins whose first stint with the Rockies was in 2007. This veteran has appeared in 1000 games over his 20 year career in the bigs, he has learned a lot about the marketing side of baseball, citing Charlie O. Finley and Bill Veeck as two of his biggest influences. Hawk stated “I’ve been in the game a long time, been through a lot of marketing schemes but I have yet to see a software exceed the talent of WordPerfect back in Elizabethton in ’92.”

This software has all five tools, spelling, grammar, fragment (consider revising), comma splice, and apostrophe error recognizing technology. Bridich said “Software only comes around like this once a year and with our tight budget it was easier for us to trade away Gray than it was to head down to the Apple Store and pay several hundred dollars for the latest version of this software.” That’s when Charlie Monfort cut in “I mean, shoot, I can never figure out how to install the newest software, you always need to update the system and I heard the iCloud was on the update. With the recent fappening I need to protect this organization from itself. I mean The Facebook has been bad enough for me.”

The 2007 edition of the software was determined to be the perfect age, not too old to be ancient, but not too young for the Rockies, who still operate through dial-up, to need system updates. Dick Monfort who loves culutre said “we highly value the culture of the technology that we use, it is some of the best in the game.”

Dick Monfort then asked the media “Do you guys know how to remove ‘sent from my iPad’ from my emails?”

This software is obviously not going to solve all the Rockies problems but if it prevents Troy “Tulowizki” from forcing a trade out of Denver I am on board. Besides how hard could it even be to spell Tulo’s name, Hunter Pence can even do it so the software should have no problems. This move is great for the Rockies “cultuRe.” We the fans love everything from 2007, just ask Rockies fans about Franklin Morales. The cultuRe of this club is one of the only things we the fans have to be proud of and to further that cultuRe at the small expense of some prospect, well it is a no brainer. Like Jay Alves said “one starter?” That isn’t going to change anything.