If we know who is the owner of the third memorandum, so many detail that you might never know about this person will appear. If so, just whose monologue was it?

After I decrypted who is the owner of the third memorandum in Oregairu LN v10, I can’t believe I found the deepest and unbelievable story of this person too.

Her words pierces my heart.

In “Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru.” LN v10, As I wrote before in 1st Memorandum and 2nd Memorandum. Watari-sensei wrote 3 Memorandums but didn’t reveal who is the owner of each monologue. This time, I will try to analyze the third memorandum. I ever mentioned in the second memorandum’s analysis that the second is the most difficult to analyze who is the owner. However, I started to think that it’s very hard to decode dialogues in the third memorandum. I mean… what the h**k s/he said in each speech, it made me feel confused, confused about who/what this person means. Maybe this memorandum is the last boss for me.

I read comments from sites that discussed the owner. Some comments said this is Yukino, Hayama, Haruno, and Hachiman. However, like I said earlier I think “this person” should be the owner of the last monologue in v10, because some hints in this memorandum are what that person said clearly before, I hope you will remember s/he said/thought in LN and anime Oregairu Zoku, but the real challenge for me is not finding out who is the owner of this memorandum only. I challenge myself to understand what this person thinks in this memorandum.

Before You Will Read…

Please read Attention page first, to let you understand that my all analyses are not 100% right.

page first, to let you understand that my all analyses are not 100% right. Spoiler up ahead. And I recommend you to read/watch Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。), Oregairu ( 俺ガイル ) LN/anime Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続) /manga Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru. -Monologue- (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。-妄言録-) before proceeding.

up ahead. And I recommend you to read/watch LN/anime /manga before proceeding. Some quotes in this post are TL from Kyakka, and the short story of Run Mel*s.

This analysis was written before LN v12.

My English sucks.

Update

16/5/2020 – And I found out the final answer who owns this memorandum.

Filter possible answers (as usual).

In my two analyses (1st and 2nd memorandum), I searched for who has the reading hobby. However, in this memorandum, I will not search for that. Because when I read this monologue, this person would read a book, however, I can’t find s/he read many books. What s/he does is shuts the book in hand only when s/he almost stops thinking about her/himself and some people who involve with her/his life. So what is next? I decide to cut some characters who would not be the owner of this monologue first. So I will exclude some people by using some thoughts of this person.

I’m being relied on. I’m being relied on.

Her/his thought tells me clearly that this person is always be relied on. It means positively that this person is reliable, some people rely on this person as it is normal. So I should search for characters who some people always rely on his/her.

OK, this is the survival list.

Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) – Yup. He is in the service club and always try to solve problems that descend to this club. I admit sometimes, he relies on some people to help with his job too. But I see many people come to him to help their problems more than he relies on other people. So he will be on this list.

– Yup. He is in the service club and always try to solve problems that descend to this club. I admit sometimes, he relies on some people to help with his job too. But I see many people come to him to help their problems more than he relies on other people. So he will be on this list. Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) – In LN v3, manga @comic v3, there’s a scene when Haruno (alone) attends in parties and meeting for her family. (In v5, manga -Monologue- v4) She tells to Hachiman and Yui (during firework festival) that she attends this event instead of her father and she tells she was entrusted to attend these kinds of jobs, while Yukino needs to stay in the house. This is her mother’s policy. (Wow! her mother entrusts her a lot, but please read more until the end she surely trusts her for real or not. At least maybe this is why Haruno knows Yukino doesn’t trust Hachiman. Her conclusion about her younger sister comes from her own direct experience, I guess.)

– In LN v3, manga v3, there’s a scene when Haruno (alone) attends in parties and meeting for her family. (In v5, manga -Monologue- v4) She tells to Hachiman and Yui (during firework festival) that she attends this event instead of her father and she tells she was entrusted to attend these kinds of jobs, while Yukino needs to stay in the house. This is her mother’s policy. (Wow! her mother entrusts her a lot, but please read more until the end she surely trusts her for real or not. At least maybe this is why Haruno knows Yukino doesn’t trust Hachiman. Her conclusion about her younger sister comes from her own direct experience, I guess.) Hiratsuka Shizuka (平塚 静) – She is a teacher so it’s normal if students will rely on her. And since she is still young, yes, young, she is expected to direct students in Zobu, go to the school trips, or help in many activities. However, we see there is one time when some dark force from above orders her to do hard jobs (such as wedding planning event in ss1). So she is on this list.

– She is a teacher so it’s normal if students will rely on her. And since she is still young, yes, young, she is expected to direct students in Zobu, go to the school trips, or help in many activities. However, we see there is one time when some dark force from above orders her to do hard jobs (such as wedding planning event in ss1). So she is on this list. Hikigaya Komachi (比企谷 小町) – Sometimes, Hachiman will call “Imouto service” near him to help him solve some problems, or consult some difficult problems if he can’t find the way to solve them. She accepts every request from his older brother. Such as moderator. Not only his brother, but there are also many characters need her help. She listens to Kawasaki Taishi’s problem. She accepts Yukino, Yui, and Hiratsuka-sensei’s requests to set traps be the personal secretary for Hachiman in many events.

– Sometimes, Hachiman will call “Imouto service” near him to help him solve some problems, or consult some difficult problems if he can’t find the way to solve them. She accepts every request from his older brother. Such as moderator. Not only his brother, but there are also many characters need her help. She listens to Kawasaki Taishi’s problem. She accepts Yukino, Yui, and Hiratsuka-sensei’s requests to be the personal secretary for Hachiman in many events. Kawasaki Saki (川崎 沙希) – Finally I can have a chance to write about her in my analysis. She is the oldest sister who has a younger brother and sister. She cooks and takes care of her siblings. Sometimes, Hachiman sees her pick her sister once. And when her sister (I forgot her name) wants to make chocolate, she comes to the service club to consult this problem to Hachiman, Yukino, and Yui, because she never makes desserts before. We can see her younger sister relies on her (it’s normal because she is still a little kid.).

Then why are these people not on the list? Some people rely on them too.

transformation into a monster of reliance.

This owner of this monologue thinks s/he is being relied on because of listening to the sweet whispers of the devil, bring this person to transform into the monster of reliance. It means that the percentage of some people rely on this person, is far more than when this person relies on other people. If you read this memorandum, I can tell you that this person is suffering because s/he is being relied on too much. Something s/he doesn’t want to be but be already.

Rely on other people is easy choice. We-are-the-same. (Why do I meet friends when I don’t want them to find me the most?)

Yukinoshita Yukino (雪ノ下 雪乃) – Many times people rely on her to clear/solve hard jobs (cooking, tennis battle, do hard jobs as Sagami Minami’s request, blow Tamanawa away). However, there are many times she relies on other people too (Rumi’s case (she can’t find how to solve Rumi’s problem.), Tobe’s love confession (she believes Hachiman can solve this), tries to meet Hayama to convince him to be the school president, wants Hachiman’s help when her mother expects her to attend family reunion).

– Many times people rely on her to clear/solve hard jobs (cooking, tennis battle, do hard jobs as Sagami Minami’s request, blow Tamanawa away). However, there are many times she relies on other people too (Rumi’s case (she can’t find how to solve Rumi’s problem.), Tobe’s love confession (she believes Hachiman can solve this), tries to meet Hayama to convince him to be the school president, wants Hachiman’s help when her mother expects her to attend family reunion). Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) – He is the super nice guy who reaches any expectation. Many people never hesitate to rely on him, because his nice guy aura is always shining (auto skill). He never says “NO” clearly , not even once. But this is his image only. The image is not the reality. After I wrote many analyses about him, I found the truth that he relies on others more than another side relies on him.

– He is the guy who reaches any expectation. Many people never hesitate to rely on him, because his nice guy aura is always shining (auto skill). He never says “NO” , not even once. But this is his image only. The image is not the reality. After I wrote many analyses about him, I found the truth that he relies on others more than another side relies on him. Zaimokuza Yoshiteru (材木座 義輝) – He relies on people in the service club many times, but Hachiman needs his help many times too (such as during searching for where Kawasaki is working, sports event, twitter accounts). I think it’s about 50/50. And I don’t see he suffers by doing that.

– He relies on people in the service club many times, but Hachiman needs his help many times too (such as during searching for where Kawasaki is working, sports event, twitter accounts). I think it’s about 50/50. And I don’t see he suffers by doing that. Ebina Hina (海老名 姫菜) – She is the same as Zaimokuza’s. Sometimes people need her help (accepts Hachiman’s request and helps design sports festival in the new look) and sometimes she needs someone’s help too (consults with the trio to stop Tobe’s confession.). Her case is about 50/50.

– She is the same as Zaimokuza’s. Sometimes people need her help (accepts Hachiman’s request and helps design sports festival in the new look) and sometimes she needs someone’s help too (consults with the trio to stop Tobe’s confession.). Her case is about 50/50. Tobe Kakeru (戸部 翔) – The only one I remember who rely on this character is Isshiki Iroha (一色いろは) . She needs his help many times (shopping, arranging the room) as a reliable senpai∼. However, we see he relies on others such as his friend, Hayama many times more than people rely on him. And I don’t think to help his kouhai once in a while, will make him suffer so much.

So what is next? The next thought bubble of this person can help me decrease the size of the survival list?

It’s when you came to realize your own evil that you become desperate to suppress it. In masking it away, others saw it as the truth, and eventually, it became something natural to you that it turned into the truth itself.

With this thought bubble, Hayama and Haruno will survive in this round. Eh? Then, why are these characters below not in the next round?

Hachiman – He is a loner who says many times he is fine to be the loner. But in deep depth, he mentioned he wants the real friend(s) and expects to reach a love relationship with a girl someday. His loner mask makes me really think it is so natural to everyone to see he is a loner. However, if he wants to has genuine relationships like that, then I don’t think his expectation is evil at all.

– He is a loner who says many times he is fine to be the loner. But in deep depth, he mentioned he wants the real friend(s) and expects to reach a love relationship with a girl someday. His loner mask makes me really think it is so natural to everyone to see he is a loner. However, if he wants to has genuine relationships like that, then I don’t think his expectation is evil at all. Hiratsuka-sensei – In manga -Monologue-, I see she needs to wear her mask on many occasions. I’m not surprised since she is an adult and has a career that needs to talk with many people, and she has her own social (among friends). Moreover, there are many times she gets it off her chest (especially while she is drinking). And when she did that, she vents her own stress like the shotgun fire. If people see her in two versions clearly like this, I need to count her out. sorry, sensei.

– In manga -Monologue-, I see she needs to wear her mask on many occasions. I’m not surprised since she is an adult and has a career that needs to talk with many people, and she has her own social (among friends). Moreover, there are many times she gets it off her chest (especially while she is drinking). And when she did that, she vents her own stress like the shotgun fire. If people see her in two versions clearly like this, I need to count her out. sorry, sensei. Komachi – I think she has her own Imouto & cute masks so she can be friendly to everyone. When she needs Hachiman’s help, she will wear the Imouto mask to make him do everything for her. But when she needs to rely on other people, she will switch with the cute mask so they will be kind to her. And I feel she likes switching those masks too. So I don’t think she will suffer from wearing masks.

– I think she has her own Imouto & cute masks so she can be friendly to everyone. When she needs Hachiman’s help, she will wear the Imouto mask to make him do everything for her. But when she needs to rely on other people, she will switch with the cute mask so they will be kind to her. And I feel she likes switching those masks too. So I don’t think she will suffer from wearing masks. Kawasaki – I think she has her own mask too. She acts like a cool, loner girl, creates AT-field and everyone doesn’t want to come near her. But when she is with her family, her mask drops to the floor and the kind sister was revealed. With this, it means she doesn’t wear that image all time. So she will not survive to the next round.

Who will be the last survivor?

“Genuine” can give us the answer.

Watari-sensei presents her to appear at the end of summer camp as the true answer of “Y”. Nice Guy Aura

I think Hayama and Haruno have a lot in common. Both of them have the perfect/nice mask so their shinning outer appearance makes other people around them believe they are nice, perfect, and sociable. Moreover, …

Hayama lives up to his own everyone’s expectation .

Haruno is expected to be the perfect daughter for the sake of family/her mother’s expectations .

Who will be fit to be the owner of this monologue? Actually, if I bring the result of the owner of the second monologue, I would decide the last survival immediately. But just because I think that character is the owner of the second memorandum, doesn’t mean I can exclude that character.

The next thought bubble I will pick to look for the last survival should be this!

Do genuine things really exist?

When I read this speech, I remember immediately who said this. And I read from a comment in my blog that Yukino ever doubts what Hachiman means (genuine) too. However, Yukino is out from the list, so this person should be the owner of this monologue. This person ever doubts about what Hachiman mentioned before about the genuine, and s/he doubt about it more than anyone because of this person mentioned about this two times (LN v10 last ch – v11). If I need to count this time in this memorandum too, this would be the third time.

The Evil Tyrant King

Along the way, I began to sympathize with the evil tyrant king.

I will conclude this person’s thoughts when s/he thinks while picking a character in Run Mel*s. Evil tyrant king never trusts people because he thinks that the main character in this story will sacrifice his friend in order to survive definitely. But the ending he witnesses is different from what he believes. The owner of this monologue had already known the ending of this story, however, this person has been doubting that “the actual end”.

And this character said that…

“The heart of man is not to be relied on.”

Before I will write this analysis, I and some readers agreed that the evil tyrant king would be Hachiman, because his point of view about humans is not so positive. And we will see this tyrant king was written near these sentences.

That’s why, perhaps, I had been waiting for that person who could surely see right through me. Along the way, I began to sympathize with the evil tyrant king.

These sentences were written like this and made I misunderstood that

that person who could surely see blah blah blah = the evil tyrant king = Hachiman.

But it is not like I think. This person doesn’t compare the evil tyrant king to anyone after all. This person inserts her/his own thoughts to this character because s/he realizes some truth in her/his own life. That’s why this person agrees with the king.

Why am I so sure? OK. I will explain.

This person doubts how the final end of that story should be, but it’s not like that. This person doesn’t doubt how the ending of the evil tyrant king of Run Mel*s should be. S/He just uses this character (who is similar to this person because this person and the tyrant king can’t trust people’s hearts) and mixes her/his own doubt to this character. Moreover, if you read Run Mel*s, you will know the conclusion of the evil tyrant king. So I assume this person is doubting so much if the heart of people can be relied on or not because s/he thinks it is changeable.

And if you read her/his thoughts more beyond this, you will see this person’s doubt looks like the whirlpool or s/he gets lost in the labyrinth. So it’s this person her/himself, who doubts the heart of man has the potential to be relied on or not, not the evil tyrant king or Hachiman.

I wrote earlier that this person doubts about “genuine” two times. I will explain how this person talks about this topic.

V10, this person appoints Hachiman to “check answer” about Yukino’s career path. After s/he done talking about this, this person started to talk about Yukino trusts him so much, but that is not the trust. Something even this person tries to look for a suitable word but doesn’t know what it is. And later, this person looks at the sky and doubts that genuine things really exist or not.

V11, since this person realizes that Hachiman, Yukino, and Yui are “doing”, s/he decides to talk with them about this and asks him that this is “genuine” he mentioned. This person realizes what they are doing right now and results that will occur in the future, that have no genuine or sincerity. That’s why this person is angry at Hachiman who betrays her expectation (who said genuine to her/him but do the opposite). can’t let Yukino “change” more than that so this person needs to restore Yukino by her/himself. and Yui (who promised before that she will never abandon Yukino.- LN v6).

This person realizes what they are doing right now and results that will occur in the future, that have no genuine or sincerity. That’s why this person is

Her perfect observant skill is an ability that reflects how this person believes that the heart of people can’t be relied on but s/he still relies on Hachiman to save Yukino. So the truth in front of this character makes her/him can’t believe in anyone anymore.

It is not anyone’s fault, she is the one who believes in things that can be changeable at the first place. Just like Hachiman’s case in LN v5-6 and Yukino’s case in v7-8. If someone adheres to changeable things, that person will suffer. You can see how this person “changes” after this incident that is not different from some characters in the story.

This person doubts the genuine is really exist or not. But I am the one who doubts more the reasons why this person doubts this. And it seems this person doubts this issue, more than other characters. You can see from this third memorandum, this person thinks about this question after s/he finishes reviewing her/his own miserable life.

A clue outside memorandum

In LN v10 last ch (it’s the ch after the third memorandum), a person mutters that s/he wonders if genuine things really exist… Hachiman who heard this person’s words thinks that the person before him had doubts, doubts as to whether truth or sincerity really existed.

Hidden Keyword – “The sun”

With these two events above, I will let you decide Haruno or Hayama is the one who doubts “genuine”, in this memorandum and other scenes. However, in my opinion, with all analyses about memorandums above, I am sure who is the owner of this monologue. Because Watari-sensei gave hidden keywords that can indicate who is the owner of each memorandum. In this memorandum, after this person shuts the book, s/he looks outside the window.

This person’s name has the same meaning as that keyword. You can search for the meaning of Hayama and Haruno’s name. Yes, the final result of this analysis is…

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃)!

WHAT!!

Haruno’s way of life until now?

Well, I got “the last survivor” but why I need to end this analysis immediately if I still have more stuff to write? You can skip this, but I will analyze Haruno’s profile via many characters and place of Run Mel*s. If it’s not her, the detail in this memorandum would not be consistent. But if it’s her, everything in this memorandum will explain “her true profile”. My explanation might not absolutely clear, but we will almost reach her real life just a little bit. And I will write this to test the final result, this is another challenge for myself.

You can skip this, you know.

Shepherd

Long ago, I felt I had a connection with the shepherd of the village. Justice, sincerity, and love. But when I think about them, they’re worthless. Everything about them was absolutely laughable.

ps. Shepherd in Run Mel*s is people who own and take care of sheep. Mel*s is a shepherd from an outlying village.

This is what I have thought earlier.

When I read these lines above, I agreed with many readers in communities and sites, that Haruno is talking about Hayama Hayato (Shepherd), who is like her younger brother. He had been a nice kid. Never even once, he has done something bad to her and her sister. But she realized later that everything about him was not like she believed or trusted (maybe she realizes when she realized that he couldn’t help Yukino from bullying in the school). Hayama would not do anything (or do his usual way, convince everyone to befriend) until the bullying reached the end. His decision to save himself to the safe place, too scared to save her sister, and watched her falls down in the darkness, is enough for Haruno to not trust him and establish hate toward him. Justice, sincerity, and love in him are worthless and absolutely laughable.

does Haruno hate Hayama?

You can read Haruno’s operation fire doughnut part 3, because what she did to Hayama in the doughnut cafe, explains her true feeling toward him very well.

The conversation between Haruno and Hayama (that happened in the past)

Oregairu Analysis – The Conclusion of Yukinoshita Haruno’s Plan (Operation Fire Doughnut) & The TRUTH(s) behind Hayama Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hikigaya Hachiman (The Last Part).

Another evidence that guarantees that what I wrote above about what happened between Haruno and Hayama is his own confession during the double date (??). In that cafe, he said it for real but he said in a form that we can’t notice the true meaning so easily. So I “decoded” his words so you can read The conversation between Haruno and Hayama (that happened in the past). Use these bold words and ctrl+F to find it instantly in this link.

However, despite I guarantee that the past between both of them is like that, it’s possible that maybe, what I thought above (Shepherd is Hayama), is just misunderstanding. I misunderstood the word “Shepherd” and thinks this is him because the only one who betrayed her trust is him. When I reviewed this memorandum over and over, I started to think that I am wrong. The person who made her has been suffering until now might be close to her more than I ever expected. Guess who?

My new assumption!

So I will re-analyze again! I took my time to read Run Me*s to look for the meaning of Shepherd that Haruno means. In Mel*s’s thought, he always thinks that his life as the shepherd is the symbol of family/home. He owns sheep and takes care of them with his family (his sister) and lives together with good villagers. When he gives up to keep his promise, he hopes his sister and her husband will not throw him away if he can’t keep the promise with his friend who is captured because of him.

This place will always be your home, baa~.

So let me conclude about “Shepherd” Haruno feels that she ever had the connection with the shepherd, she might mean either “her family” or “a family member (that can be her mother, her little sister or even anyone she thinks that person is like the family)”. I will not consider the shepherd is her father because the author hardly mentioned him.

If Shepherd in Haruno’s mind means her family or a family member she feels she has the connection with, I really don’t know it’s family or just one person who had a connection with her, but I feel that when she was a girl, the relationship between her and this person or family was full of good things (Justice, sincerity, and love) in her opinion. It’s not surprising if she will think positively toward her family or mother, her little sister, or even a certain boy she “might” include him as the family (since I don’t know if she thinks about Hayama to that point.

The kid loves parents, older sister loves younger sister, onee-san likes cute little brother and wants love/sincerity/justice from them in return. I never doubt if Haruno loves her mother and sister, wants to be a good daughter, and an older sister who her mother can be proud of, who her sister can admire, answer their expectations while what she hoped is their love. In her eyes back then, she would see her family or the one she loves/respects/is nice (her mother, her sister, and her brother) are everything for her.

If her mother is the shepherd. Since Haruno mentioned about justice, sincerity, and love, I think I can’t imagine thinking the institution called “the family” will have justice or sincerity. But if “Shepherd” in Haruno’s thought, is someone/people she was close, it will be more consistent. I mean… if it means a person who has justice and sincerity, this should be more right than a family has justice and sincerity. So I think that shepherd of Haruno is the individual(s).

The true meaning of Haruno’s Shepherd.

But!!

After I had written an analysis that relates Haruno’s story and Yukino’s problems in LN v10 and checked LN v10 again, I found out something that is unbelievable.

I started to consider that it’s possible that her little sister might be the shepherd of Haruno too.

Actually, I never thought that she can be the shepherd because she is the one who never wanted to get close to her big sister, except she wanted something from her (such as ask for help or ask some questions). And Yukino tells Hachiman (in LN v9, anime Yahari Zoku ep9) that how she suffers because people said her good points but they also said she was unsociable and lacking in charm while her big sister was not. That’s why I “was informed” Yukino’s suffering in just a few perspectives (Yukino and other people). So I ever concluded that…

One of the reasons why Yukino is suffering because of the opinions of other people (that other people always compare both of them), so she thinks she is the only one who is suffering.

In the past, I concluded this so easily and blindly because I knew her suffering via point of view of the main characters (Yukino and others) only. Things Yukino says at this scene must be the truth but this is just only “one truth” among other truths. That’s why I didn’t realize she is hurting her big sister.

Another reason is I know about the past between Yukinoshita sisters partly, or what happened before the story of Oregairu. We knew the story during Yukino doesn’t live with her family only. And hints WW gave to us are encrypted or unclear, it needs a huge effort to collect them.

But when I reviewed Haruno’s words after she teases Hachiman during a coffee time (in anime Yahari season 2 ep12), I realized that she can tell him about what Yukino is doing to him is not trust, but something much more awful, because she compares what her little sister [has done in the past] and [has been doing at present]. If Haruno never experienced something awful and understands about it clearly before, I think it’s impossible she can notice what her little sister is doing in just one glance. I can conclude that Haruno tasted the evil of this relationship (codependency) already.

Codependency is not a bad thing because everyone needs to rely on someone to continue to live. I will say that a certain abstract in this codependency is something that Haruno witnessed in the past, and when she witnessed the codependency between him and her sister again in the Oregairu story, she …can’t let it continue. I really hope each character will reveal their real intentions. Revealing their intentions is the way to accept their mistakes, if they accept their mistakes sincerely, they will do something that I will call “to end this abstract permanently”. If they can end their own abstracts, I believe that their codependency will be something that we can call “the true relationship” because their impure intentions were stopped and the new abstract that is the sincerely will be the basic/root/foundation of their codependency instead. Understanding the nature of that impure intention and the result is the main key to stopping them, stopping them is building the sincerity and the best codependency. So the codependency is not a bad or good thing, it is like an element among elements. Whoa, this is oot already.

If Haruno experienced what her little sister had done to her, the first idol, the third memorandum might be the next stop. This memorandum was written after Haruno asked Hachiman to question her sister about the career path, and before she will tell him later about what her sister has been doing.

Another reason why I consider that Yukino might be the shepherd of Haruno because when Haruno is absorbed in thought while reading the book (in this memorandum), this scene happened after she realized what her little sister has been doing to Hachiman and she needs his help (that explains her actions in ep10-11). I think that she is doubting if the different things from what she ever experienced because of other close people, really possible or not, the past that she suffered because her sister did to her, the first idol. And how her sister left her shows us to know that to be the idol for someone is not the good thing since the follower might leave the idol someday. Idol’s effort is nothing but there is a good thing, at least the idol is relieved from that pressure (although Haruno realizes later that her sister still sees her as her idol in LN v6).

Until LN v12, my thought about the shepherd might be her family members still doesn’t change because I believe that her suffering occurred for a long time and I looked for who she loves/trusts. However, in LN v13, the conversation between her and Hayama who “was” like her little brother, it is the first time I saw how she expresses to him and us, the readers clearly that she hates the fake things so much that is the codependency between Hachiman and her sister. But it is not only that state at present she dislikes, it connects to the codependency in the past too.

This moment makes review again because I begun to suspect that what Hayama did left the deep scar to her and that scar is not healed completely. The disaster because of that certain abstract that I mentioned before will happen to Hachiman and Yukino someday if they continue and it will end like the shattered pieces like what happened to her, Yukino and Hayama in the past. That’s why the deep scar of Haruno is enlarged.

If Hayama is another person who hurt her because she trusts and likes him and expected that he will be someone who will be by her side (I mean protect or help) when her and her sister are in danger but the bullying incident is the natural disaster that she realized the true Hayama. I will not think he is like the shepherd of the village because his outer appearance and Mel*s are alike but it is up to Haruno in the past if she saw him as the part of the family.

However, the slim evidences that shows it “was” like that is the moment in…

LN v6, she tells Hachiman that Hayama is like her little brother. LN v10, when she tells Hachiman and Yuigahama that she took care of her sister and Hayama and they went out together. Her sister tells their little nightmare (how Haruno teased them). And LN v13, that conversation between both of them shows that she tries so hard to tell him that she do like “it”. I hope I can explain what “it” is in the future. This can judge if she still thinks of him as the family too.

Although I can’t find any solid evidence if Haruno saw him as the part of the family, these slim hints are what I collected that reflects her thought toward this boy. In my opinion toward these hints, I feel that it is highly possible.

With these reasons, I assumed again that her mother or/and her sister or/and her little brother might be the shepherd(s) of Haruno.

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Since I can’t decide that who is the shepherd, what I can do is just analyzing with three points of view (her mother, her little sister, and her little brother).

If “Haruno’s mother” is the shepherd of the village.

If I think her mother is the shepherd of Haruno, I will analyze more that Haruno would see her mother has justice, sincerity, and love for her. She wishes well for her daughters and that’s why Haruno feels the connection with this person. I will not be surprised if Haruno believed and trusted her mother, who she thought that this person is the justice, sincerity, and love for her completely.

But right now, when she looks back to her own past, she feels depressed or disappointed when she thinks about her mother. The word “worthless” she refers, might be “everything she tried for her mother” and “absolutely laughable” would be her feeling toward her faith and effort for her mother.

So it means everything she believed or trusted in this person, is different completely from reality. I don’t know until now Haruno still loves her mother or not, but what I am sure is, she would not feel she has the connection (the parent-child relationship) with her mother anymore, or still feels she has that connection, but the connection would be something different (not something like justice, sincerity, and love).

I just want your love, just that…

That’s why Haruno thinks it’s laughable because what she ever trusted/believed, since she was still a kid (she said “long ago”), is not true. Therefore, this can explain that why she can’t rely on the heart of man. Because she already relied on her mother and found the conclusion of this action. I suspect that her mother would be strict, scary (In LN v10, Yukino tells Hachiman and Yui that her sister teased her and Hayama so much when they played outside so I will imagine that Haruno was naughty kid.), her naughty actions is the result from her loneliness. Her sister and Hayama back then are like her refuge, gaining their attention helps her to forget the certain pressure.

If “her sister” is the shepherd of the village.

If I think her sister is the shepherd of Haruno, I will analyze more that Haruno would see herself and her little sister were close and shared justice, sincerity, and love each other. But I can’t see how her little sister can be justice for her. I mean, if her mother is like the justice, correctness for her, the daughter, I can understand and see how it can be, while I …can’t see how sister who is younger than her can be her model. Her mother is like the model for her, herself is like the model for her little sister.

If “Her Brother” is the shepherd of the village.

As I mentioned before, if Haruno saw him as the family for real, she would think that he is a nice/good boy who is nice to her and others sincerely. But something happened that we would know what it is, it changed her attitude toward him completely. In LN v8, the conversation between Hachiman and him that I decoded them, shows “how Haruno urged Hayama to do something for her precious”. However, whatever he did after that, destroyed the relationship between Haruno and him, also her trust toward him is absolutely laughable.

I don’t know if Hayama shows that he is reliable boy but I can dare say that Haruno really rely on him to save her little sister from the malice of other people definitely because he is the only one who she can rely on. His nice personality can make people who believe it, believe that this is his true nature. The only thing that can prove if that person is reliable is when he deals with the danger/disaster.

In LN v4, Hachiman’s quotes that makes Hayama upset about [it is unbelievable for the close people (in this case, friend) to betray us and how more scary s/he will do at the moment we don’t expect.] and [sacrificing the victim to survive from danger, if the victim realizes this truth, their relationship will be shattered]. The reason he feels upset (but control his manner) can’t be others except he is the one who did all of that (Yukino confirms by her eyes since she witnessed all of this because of someone nearby).

Meanwhile, Haruno is another person who witnessed Hayama’s actions that showed his intentions to escape from danger by sacrificing the close person, by trying to be the good friend who wanted them to be good friends (the same method he uses during the summer camp in LN v4). Convincing them to be good friends so he will not choose Yukino’s side. Choosing to be by her side will make him confront the malice. When he couldn’t do it and sacrificing his friend, Haruno who expected he will save her sister, that would be how her trust toward him shattered.

I am not sure again if she loved him as the romantic type or not but I don’t see even a single sign that shows me she had the feelings toward him. But I can say that she liked him as a little brother, how she was happy spent time with her little sister and him and teased him in the past.

So this is the first notice that makes me begin to think her mother is the shepherd. But this is just the beginning only. I will analyze it until the end.

The birth of the monster of reliance

Every time I had that feeling, there were sudden echoes.

I’m being relied on. I’m being relied on.

Lending my ears to those words that I thought to be the sweet whispers of a devil brought my gradual transformation into a monster of reliance.

If “Haruno’s mother” is the one who relied on her.

As I wrote earlier, Haruno would love her mother, and I believe that her mother would love her too. So Haruno would try to do as her mother said, such as to be a good kid. I think she is the type that will respond to dear people’s expectations. And her mother who has daughters would wish Haruno will have a good future. That’s why her mother would plan or even control her and her surroundings so she will reach that goal. And the elite family like Yukinoshita which has wealth and power more than any families in Chiba, every family member would live in high status.

So Haruno, as the oldest daughter of the elite family, must learn how to be a good/perfect/kid so she will grow up to be the ideal daughter and to be the heir of the family as her mother planned. In her mother’s opinion, this route is the best path she can design for her beloved daughter.

To be the perfect heir of the elite family means her family would give the precedence to that person. In the case of Haruno, her mother would overemphasize her too much, while another one will not get that much. This is an unbalanced situation that makes Yukinoshita sisters suffer until now. To read more detail, see in Oregairu Analysis – ” “When” Yukinoshita Haruno Decides to Help Yukino.”

For the sake of my daughters, I will do anything! (Clench fist)

That’s why when I wrote that Haruno doesn’t think her mother ever gave any justice, sincerity, and love for her, and for this section, I assume Haruno was learned to be the perfect kid, at first, she would do as her mother said because she loves her mother (although her mother is really scary!). But later, when she grows up enough, she started to doubt that her mother just wants to use her for the sake of their family.

That’s why this is how Haruno lends her ears to those words that she thought to be the sweet whispers of a devil (her mother), this happened over and over (I’m being relied on. I’m being relied on.) changed even her true self until she gradual transformation into a monster of reliance (marionette of her mother despite she doesn’t want). Pull strings that connect with her body parts and moves as her mother’s fingers move. You can see Haruno admits the reality and ends up following her mother’s policy.

Do you remember when Haruno meets Hachiman and Yui in the firework festival? (LN v5, ss1 ep9, manga monologue v4) She tells them that she, the older sister should attend events and mentioned that her mother is scarier than her. She tells more that her mother will be the one who decides people to do what she wants, so her daughters “intends” to follow her. But if I interpret her positive words, they obey her mother because of a certain negative emotion.

I assume that the reason her mother tries to manipulate everyone to do as she expects is that the controlling the environment around her and her family gives her the peaceful feeling. If she can control everyone, she can control everything.

And maybe even her mother lives in the environment that is similar to Yukinoshita sisters’ environment. Adults around her might be the main reason that made her become a strong, strict, and scary Mrs.Yukinoshita until this day.

I already wrote about the manipulation within Yukinoshita family in this Oregairu analysis – And Then, Yukinoshita Haruno Launched Operation Fire Doughnut! (Part 5). I will not explain more than this. However, in this monologue, whenever Haruno thinks about this bitter memories within her family (or in her case, her mother).

“The sudden echo” would be Haruno’s memories about her mother’s manipulation toward her. And that is how she is being relied on. She needs to do as her mother’s expectation until she concludes that her mother would not love or care for her because she controls her like the marionette. I am sure that Haruno hates how her mother controls her like that but can’t disobey her.

If “her sister” is the one who relied on her.

As her big sister, it’s normal that her cute little sister wanted to rely on her because of many reasons (one of the reasons Yukino has relied on her big sister because the world around both of them are people who expect they should be sociable and charming (as Yukino told Hachiman in anime Yahari ss2 ep9). When Yukino can’t answer their expectations and hid behind her big sister, Haruno (who always loves her) would protect her by answering all expectations, other people, and her sister’s expectations instead.) that made Haruno become more perfect daughter/sister, the monster of reliance.

Yukino is the one who is adorable in Haruno’s opinion (I realized she is siscon for a long time, but I realized that the fascination with her sister of Haruno is beyond the boundary in Drama CD v7, ), so I think she made scores to her big sister because she admired her and wanted to rely on her. It’s not different from when she makes scores to Hachiman to make a favorable impression on him because she admires him and wants to rely on him.

Hachiman who never had any good friend or positive relationship with anyone, is treated well by her, tries to answer her (or his own) expectation by working hard for the club (except one thing he can’t do it – answering her expectation so she can escape from her mother). This is the description of “the sweet whispers of a devil” of Haruno in “another point of view”. It doesn’t mean the whisper directly, but it means words and actions that make receiver trust easily.

Relying on someone is normal, so Haruno who loves, wishes well for her sister and is admired by her little sister, would answer her expectation although she must go through more hardship, that’s why she endured it, all for her sister (and their mother). But when she realized that she hated it and didn’t want to do it because every time she protected her sister from the cruel world and to be her perfect sister, she took the burden and became something she didn’t like.

If “Her Brother” is the one who relied on her.

For Hayama’s case, I am not sure how he relied on her so I will consider two issues since all of them might be the reason he did that.

From Yukino’s opinion, she tells Hachiman and Yuigahama in LN v10 that Hayama admires her older sister. His impression might be like Yukino’s impression toward her perfect sister, the factor that made him establish the same personality (and even some hobby such as playing music while playing soccer is the hobby he focuses since the middle school because it helps him forget the bitter past and he can’t spend time with closer people anymore because of what happened at that time).

Nice Guy Aura If my assumption that the first codependency Haruno witnessed is the relationship between her, her sister and her brother is true, the next question is how did he rely on her?

So I collect [their lives in the past] that Haruno told to Hachiman and Yuigahama, [the second memorandum] in LN v10 and [Haruno’s explanation how Yuigahama rely on Hachiman] in LN v13 to this consideration, all of these help me imagine how Hayama relied on Haruno. Since she likes to get attention from him and her sister by teasing and spending time together, he too, wants her attention. This is the source of his happiness so he is nice to her and even might felt like he can do anything for her. However, the bullying incident is too much for him to deal with for Haruno (there is evidence that Haruno asked for him to save her sister in LN v8. You can read more in the link I posted above – The conclusion of Haruno’s operation & Hayama’s multidimensional plan (the last part) ⇑ Do anything for Haruno is not something in my imagination only since we can see how he “responds” Haruno’s summoning in LN v8 or anything she wants such as Hachiman’s number.

[ps. I will not say that he did the same as Yuigahama did to Hachiman only because each character did the similar thing to other character in the circle but Haruno’s explanation in LN v13 about Yuigahama’s action is very clear so I use this to explain how Hayama relied on Haruno. I can say that everyone in the codependency did a similar thing.]

All of these are how he relied on her.

Why can Haruno not refuse?

Haruno can’t refuse “her mother” because…

I am not sure either, but if I need to say, I think it’s because of “the fear“. When Haruno tells that her mother is scary over and over in LN v6, I began to think that she tells us the truth. She is a marionette of her mother, and she understands that her mother is manipulating her until now. Haruno is an ordinary human who has emotions, so her own evil (the fear, the hated, the despair) because of her beloved mother, would not be different from other humans’ if their lives are controlled by someone. But like I said, Haruno is afraid of her mother (who can control her since she was a kid), so she needs to suppress her own feeling.

Therefore, her fear was created by the parent’s image, strict, can’t argue with her because she lives with her parents since she was born, and so Mrs.Yukinoshita’s image. Although Haruno is an adult already, this image and her fear are like the strongest illusions that will not allow her to resist her mother even if she has enough potential to stop this control.

Suppose that this left character is Haruno…

And if her mother says that she did all of these for her. Resisting parents who wish well for her = wrong, not resist = lost.

Haruno can’t refuse “her sister” because…

I think nobody wants to endure hardship. But she can’t do that because…

her sister was looking at her, admired her. As her big sister who always answers her expectation.

if my assumption about the first codependency is the relationship between Haruno, Yukino and Hayama is true, it means that Haruno too relied on her sister that is like the same case with Hayama relied on Haruno. Haruno wants love/attention from her sister so she did everything to answer Yukino’s expectation. Although Haruno feels some huge pressure, although she didn’t like this at all because the weight she was carrying is too heavy, she couldn’t refuse her expectation, couldn’t stop to be the perfect sister.

To sum it up, Haruno back then was scared that her little sister would be disappointed or sad and it might lead to the decrease or even the end of gaining love/attention from her beloved sister.

People who never is expected, can’t understand how it feels to endure that pressure.

In Oregairu story, Haruno doesn’t gain attention from her sister like it used to be anymore but Yukino’s expectation doesn’t change. So Haruno wishes Yukino to recover her self-confidence so she can stand by her own feet. The true wish of Haruno behind this objective is because she wants to recover their relationship and stop the codependency between her and her sister that is the fake relationship. But I will not change my old opinion that she tries to help her sister because Haruno is lonely either.

Oregairu Analysis – “When” Haruno Decides to Help Yukino.

When Haruno is suffering because of her family realizes the truth from Hachiman and Yuigahama, she decides to help her sister so Yukino will be fine, so they can be close like it used to be while her own suffering fades from our mind.

Oregairu Analysis – Why Does Haruno Want Hachiman to Ask Yukino About Her Career Path?

Although Yukino’s impression to see Hachiman as another idol will decrease the pressure from Haruno’s shoulders and it seems like a good news for her, she also realizes that the codependency is planted somewhere instead. This doesn’t help her gain her wish to recover their relationship and Yukino can stand with her own feet. She is worried about Yukino (and even Hachiman who will be the same as her in the future) because her sister is forming another codependency.

Another hint that shows how Haruno can’t refuse is her love for Yukino.

This is oot but not quite. I think when Haruno couldn’t answer Yukino’s expectation, would be when Yukino “asked her for help” because of a situation in the past (the nightmare/disaster in their lives that I can think is the bullying incident). Yukino’s words in LN v6 after she calls Haruno over is the same words Haruno ever heard in the past. I can tell you that Yukino’s request in photo below makes Haruno see a hallucination in the past. Her stubborn reaction after heard this speech again and the reason why she doesn’t allow herself to let her sister expect her again, all of them connect to each other. I don’t know what really happened in their past but one thing I can guarantee is Haruno …knows well about the evil of “to be the reliable older sister of Yukino but couldn’t help her in the end”.

Yukino VS Haruno She is so powerful. although she is not like that.

Oregairu Analysis – “After” Yukinoshita Haruno Decides to Help Yukino. (The Last Part) And it can explain why she is so desperate to put spaces between herself and her sister every time if it is about “helping her sister” (except there’re no any bad effects from that helping such as when she supports her sister in LN v6,12)

Hoh… My sister would drink milk.

In LN v6, this is not helping just one side but it’s the equal exchange. This deal has no any evil so she can help her sister.

In v12, she doesn’t see what is different between support or not support, they still reach the same result. But the cause of “supporting Yukino’s decision” can’t be anything more than the love toward her little sister. Although her sister chooses that path, she as the big sister who cares for her little sister, can’t abandon her or change her decision. At least it is better than the old path. So supporting her by saying that she will support her if Yukino will meet their mother, occurs despite Haruno knows well if her sister will discuss with her mother or not.

Haruno can’t refuse “her Brother” because…

I am not sure if Hayama’s admiration caused some pressure to his Onee-san since I can’t find any hint that will prove this assumption. If it is true, I don’t think she is worried about his expectation anymore since his sin destroyed their relationship and released her from that pressure, it is like… she doesn’t need to be his perfect Onee-san anymore.

…Come to think of it, the shattered relationship between them will produce only sadness, it stopped some curse too.

No matter what the case (her mother or her sister), you can see that the fear is still the biggest factor that makes her can’t say what’s on her mind, can’t stop what she doesn’t want to be and sink into the despair silently by herself. But the fear is not only factor, I think Haruno couldn’t say her feeling because she loves/d them so she couldn’t …disregard their feelings, she doesn’t/didn’t want to make them sad. I just want you to see human’s feeling in various point of views that made her end up in this state.

Since I can’t find any hint that proves Hayama is another one who made her become the monster of reliance except Yukino knows that he admires her older sister although it makes sense that Haruno might also realized his impression and made her become like that too. So I will conclude that her mother and her sister have higher possibility.

The origin of the cheerful mask

In case of her mother

In order to suppress her negative feeling or suffering, Haruno needed to smile and expressed that she was fine, she was a cheerful kid. So she can endure it, or others will not notice her suffering. That’s why the perfect mask was created.

Unluckily, she used this mask too often, or should I say, try to follow her mother’s policy and suppress her feeling too much. People around her would think she is perfect, she is fine, she can do anything, or has a pleasant personality, and her mother sees this outer appearance as the truth of Haruno. If her mask is not the truth, then I assume Haruno doesn’t want to wear this mask, doesn’t want to be like this, but her fear, her duty, and even her love stop her from removing it. And It became that people misunderstood her.

When she smiled and pretend too often, this action became one of her nature automatically. That’s why she always smiles and is cheerful and can’t be otherwise.

In case of her sister

Mask exists to live, to survive but it is used to ease people’ feeling too. In the case of Yukino, I think Haruno must be perfect sister so she can protect, can be the good big sister, can be her idol and can be loved by her sister despite she was just a normal kid who also wanted to live freely. Things happened in their lives so they can’t reveal their true feelings to another side.

In case of her Brother

It is not different from Yukino’s case much.

The lost lamb in the labyrinth. (Update 7/12/2018)

I was thrown into an endless loop of doubt as to whether if that’s really all. I could no longer make the distinction on my own.

If you reach at this point, you would see how Haruno lived. She doesn’t like this way of life but can’t do anything because of her own fear and misunderstanding in love/sincerity/justice. From her quote above, her main problem would be the ignorance. Things she learned until now from close people are the reason that makes she doubt endlessly if that is really all. At this point is really interesting because it makes me begin to suspect that the close people she mentioned in this memorandum might not mean just one person.

For example, if she is bemoaning about herself and her mother (not her sister and brother) in this memorandum, the suffering because she misunderstood about her mother only would not be consistent with her quotes above. I mean …suffering because of just one person should not make her fall into that state to the point she doubts if that’s really all unless the origin of her suffering are more than one person, that means she is suffering because of “them”. Or else she would not end up like she groans above. That’s why this leads to my new interpretation (partly).

It is not like I am thinking I interpreted wrongly but this new hint I found makes me review about justice/love/sincerity again. My old interpretation is people she mentions is her mother/her sister (while I gave less score to Hayama because I was not sure if Haruno realized about his impression toward her and it is another reason that made her become his idol.)

My New INTERPRETATION!

But thanks to the new hint I found, I began to interpret about justice/love/sincerity again. My new assumption is Haruno is mentioning about her suffering because of close people that there are more than one person, her mother, her sister and her brother.

The next question is who is justice, love, sincerity for her feeling? In my opinion, I think Yukino is the love symbol for her since she is an adorable little girl at that time, I don’t think how she is “the justice” for Haruno. And I think love matches with her beloved sister more than “sincerity” since we can see many times in the story how much she loves her sister. That’s why Yukino is “love” for her.

The next selection is who is “justice” for Haruno. If she suffers because of someone who should be justice for her too, it means that person is has no justice or has only fake justice for her. But since she says she ever believed in the justice, it means that she thought it was justice before but it appeared that it is not like that. So it means “fake justice“. Then who is the one who gave her the world of fake justice? I don’t see how Hayama who is a little boy at that time will be the justice for her. This should be her mother more than him.

Use this pic to imagine how he should be justice or sincerity.

So the rest is he would be “sincerity” for her. This answer makes me can’t believe that she saw him like that. I think it is because of his outer appearance and personality, and how he is nice to her and other people. That’s why he got this title!

When love is not like she understood, when justice is not like she understood, and when even sincerity is not like she understood, imagine how Haruno who had a connection with them, falls into an endless loop of doubt as to whether if that’s really all. She can’t no longer make the distinction on my own because no matter which direction she looks at, there are only unpleasant things, was used, was left, was tricked and she produced the fake mask, the symbol of her own fake self, fake justice, fake love, and fake sincerity.

Everything is fake. Maybe this’s why she can no longer make the distinction on her own.

This is my new interpretation. However, it is up to you who will find who is justice/love/sincerity or maybe it is just one person. I just only interpret that new hint and re-interpret who is Haruno bemoans in this memorandum. I like how WW gives us the infinity to find the deepest truth. And this is mine.

Later, I can prove which assumption is the most possible.

Logic supper for you. Her words pierces my heart.

Oregairu Analysis – Now I’ll Reveal Haruno’s Love In The Past.

While I’m editing an analysis focuses on the moment when Hachiman and Haruno are talking via phones in LN v8, I interpreted the truth about Haruno’s love in the past. That truth and other hints I found over there, have strong connection with my assumption in this page, about Yukino is “love” for Haruno in this memorandum. The truth I found in that post can confirm my assumption (Yukino is like the love symbol for Haruno) is correct. This means Haruno doesn’t describe just one person in this memorandum after all but three people who were like her shepherd, the family. Well, just explain like this would not make you understand completely. So If you who read my analysis about the third memorandum, read this post too, you can connect how her love in the past began and ended that becomes the reason why she vends her suffering in this memorandum.

In LN v12-13, Haruno who is suffering from what happened in the past but she hopes that person will show her the correct path. However, things are not as she expects, she witnesses another evil in codependency relationship again and the ending that is similar to what happened to the first codependency is waiting for everyone in that circle and even herself who never wishes for it. Moreover, that person who told her “genuine” insists to live in that state too. The same duration she dives into the wineglass.

If my assumption about her little sister is the one who made Haruno suffer and get lost in the endless loop of doubt, it will be related to what she told Hachiman in anime Oregairu Zoku ep12, that I decoded her words in Analysis – Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Episode 12-13.

The Only “Hope”

That’s why, perhaps, I had been waiting for that person who could surely see right through me.

Since my new interpretation, I will not think her mother, her sister or her brother would be “that person” in her quote above anymore. So the remainder is Hiratsuka-sensei and Hachiman because there are people who can surely see right through her.

In the case of Hiratsuka-sensei

Pass down ramenken!

I think she is like …a supporter. Watari-sensei wrote her role to give “the precious advice” to Hachiman (anime zoku ep8), the main character about understanding someone (Yukino) and hurting other people to reach that goal. So I don’t see how she will be the one who will reach Haruno by herself. Her disciple should be the one who takes this role. And if she can save Haruno, she would do that for a long time (and then, their yuri story begins!) and obtains the role of main protagonist instead. …It might be not bad idea.

Suppose the left person is Haruno…

In Case Of Hachiman

He is the one I think he is “that person” Haruno thinks of. Because of many reasons.

Things I explained in “in case of Yukino” above.

Hiratsuka-sensei’s lesson

Revealing Haruno’s feelings

Hiratsuka-sensei’s lesson

She already gave him the ramenken the courage and how-to confront people he cares for. And we see he can do well when he confronts Yukino and Yui in the service club. In order to understand people, and hurt them to achieve the true relationship.

Revealing Haruno’s Feelings

In the story, you can see which person is the one who she vents her feelings or says what is on her mind the most. If I have no bias, I think sensei is the answer but like I wrote before, I don’t see how sensei will save her by herself in the story. WW chose to present these scenes when Haruno talks to Hachiman the most, while he didn’t show the scenes when she vents her feelings to her former teacher. What we know is both of them hang out sometimes.

So I choose to believe what WW tries to present to us in the story. Who are the one Haruno vents her feelings or says what is on her mind the most in this story that also shows some of the trust?

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I can tell that he will get the role to understand Haruno in the finale as her hero (I might exaggerate about the hero but I conclude from her monologue in this third memorandum) and Yukino and by hurting them necessary (but for Haruno, I don’t know he will cross the line to understand her feelings directly or indirectly or her little sister will do it), so both sisters will have the chance to climb up from their despairs. Every route has its own turning point.

And you will pass down ramenken to them someday.

The Truth Behind Hachiman’s Words (New!)

In this memorandum of LN v10, I will conclude that Haruno suffers because of fake things from her own surrounding and is waiting for that person who can see right through her. I think she is looking for him because she wants to witness something that is not the laughable things she experiences. It is like showing the new path. Yes, she wants him to show her that new path that connects with what he said to her after she asked him what is love in LN v8.

Logic supper for you. Hachiman: Don’t come to my house. Her words pierces my heart.

I was saying that I was only pressing one’s wish, just being misunderstood, I do not call it real.

After Haruno heard his words, her silent reactions until she gives him the titles, the monster of logic, and the monster of self-consciousness, make me review it until I get the conclusion that the truths he said are like hers and people she was close with completely. When they are talking about love, I think would be like he said in the past. I am not sure what kind of love she is thinking after heard his words, loves family, her sister or her brother or even loves the same brother in term of romantic relationship since love is not the feeling toward a lover only, it can cover most relationships and can explain the codependency she lived.

Personally and might be oot, I don’t believe that she loved Hayama in term of the romantic way because

the bullying incident that is the turning point in her life happened when she is the middle school student while Hayama is studying at elementary school that you can imagine their different states.

and she never shows how she suffers because she loved him that way either. But she suffers because he provided fake things to her (the info from LN v13) is true.

Anyway, I pick the hint from their conversation via phone call in LN v8 so you can see how she is looking for him so she can see the new path that is not fake but something pleasant. For her, seeing that path means she is saved from that endless loop of doubt, to realize that fake things she experiences until now are not everything! Therefore, it is like recovering her own faith toward justice, love and sincerity that was destroyed in the past.

I will not say that she will return to love everyone she ever loved since she got the conclusion about Hayama already in the certain incident in LN v8 but I can say or even bet that in the end, the relationship between Mrs.Yukinoshita and her daughters will be better and no one will control/manipulate her anymore, will be released from the title of the perfect daughter of her mother and the idol of her sister (although I know that Yukino doesn’t see her as the idol anymore but she just changes the target. This means looking for the idol of Yukino doesn’t end yet. But I believe that she will not look for the idol completely at the end of this story that is the complete end of the idol title of Haruno too because the possibility that her little sister will see her as the idol again will be stopped completely).

In LN v13, I notice that she can’t flip the page of her book to read the ending while she is drinking is the symbol that reflects her current condition.

However, I pick this hint in LN v8 to interpret because it covers what she ever did to the shepherd of the village. Another reason he mentions about those actions are not real, they are fake things. The quote that is Hachiman’s connects with her wish/expectation toward that person in this memorandum.

The last result is their true selves and true relationships (true friend and true love) that is genuine.

From LN v12, changing within Hachiman’s mind is not easy or even possible. So WW provided the big events that will become the important factor. The first one is “the arranged marriage (or engagement”) while the second is “canceling the prom”. These two events have some connection.



If you wonder if the unbelievable event like the arranged marriage (or engagement) can be possible, I recommend you to read LN v10-12, or read hints I concluded in this analysis, Arranged Marriage might Happen for real!?

When Hachiman and Yukino realize this problem, he would consider it along with other problems and reach the same conclusion with when he considered Isshiki’s problem, Christmas event and problem within the service club and reach the solution, that is confronting people who get involved with their problems with courage. When changing his mind happens, opening up Yukino’s mind can be expected. If he and Yuigahama can reach her as sensei is expecting, the turning point of Yukino can be expected.

After this, understanding Haruno’s problem and feelings would be the next result. This time, Yukino and Hachiman would open up Haruno’s mind and lead to repaying the debt that Yukino promised her big sister during the cultural festival. Next, the problem that is the arranged marriage can be solved by stopping it. Stopping it means they will confront Mrs.Yukinoshita and Hayama. If the problem ended, Yukinoshita sisters would try to talk with their mother more and achieve the freedom and the future they wish that is solving her own problems by herself (Yukino) that Hachiman ever mentioned.

But I don’t think she is the only one who will do it alone, Haruno will solve her own problem by herself too. It’s like learning that can be pass in the next runner, Hachiman > Yukino > Haruno. Solving by themselves need support from others, those people are Hachiman and Yuigahama. After all, problems are solved and all of them can find their own true self, sensei would be pleased with them and this is the conclusion of the service club at the same time, they can go on and will be great adults in the future. Even Haruno can reach the exit of that labyrinth and find her true self too. When she can reach this point, imagine what she will do next if she gains the freedom for the first time, and how she will treat Hachiman, her sister, and Yuigahama.

I am not sure if Haruno will confess to Hachiman about many things she did (such as her plan to save her sister during the cultural festival. If he knows about this and reviews it, he would know why she laughs and says like that to him) or not and when she will do this. But I think she will say it someday because opening her feeling toward her sister is another important thing that he needs to know, to realize her true self and love toward her family because he always misunderstands about her.

I will not dare to think that my assumptions will be 100% correct. It’s highly possible that the story of the future will not be the same so I don’t recommend you to believe my assumptions. But I assume with all factors I can think of and hope they can help us grasp the final conclusion of Oregairu more or less.

This is oot. I am not sure if WW will reveal the past between Haruno, Yukino, and Hayama or not. But I really hope he will let us know. Maybe Yukino would be the one who reveals it because it is her biggest trauma. I think this is the trauma for Haruno too but she is not in the position to reveal it. Venting the suffering will help Yukino can stand with her own legs and solve her own problems.

I almost forget about Hayama. With my analyses Haruno’s operation fire doughnut, you will see Haruno is fond of Hachiman so much, just like what Hayama mentions.

I feel jealous, you know that.

“If she doesn’t have any interest in something, she wouldn’t act so cheeky like that… She wouldn’t do anything. She’ll meddle so much with what she likes to the point of killing it.

I suspect Haruno has the fe****g to Hachiman, and another reason why she meddles with him is, she is waiting for him, another one who can see right through her, while people who lived/played with her since her childhood, can’t reach her. Then perhaps, this person (who never stop to observe her) who can notice her mask and something within her at first sight, might understand her true self and that endless despair, reach her in the end.

If Yukino is the cause.

Then I can exclude Yukino and Hayama out of the list because Haruno always wants someone outside her miserable life to help her, direct her so she can escape from the endless loop of doubt about everything she has experienced, is not everything for real.

That’s why in LN v3 (or anime ss1 ep6), when Haruno notices that Hachiman sensed something from her, she tries to invade his personal space because she is expecting something from him. ( this Oregairu Analysis – When Yukinoshita Haruno Also Gazes into Hachiman. explained how she “check” Hachiman in full detail (link is above. ⇑))

Logic supper for you.

Haruno who always get lost in the endless loop of doubt, so when she heard “genuine” from Hachiman, she always doubts about this because she has believed in love/sincerity/justice with all her heart but she was disappointed and suffered because of it. Actually, this word is like the hope that shines before her.

Maybe she might not know, but she wants to believe that “the genuine” exist. Her miserable life is not everything or else she would live in despair forever.

Haruno’s doubt still continues.

The sun had already sunk far past the horizon, the final fragment of the afterglow disappearing in succession.

Haruno shuts the book that I think it would be Run Mel*s because she brings character’s opinion and even some words in the story, mixes with her own life. When she looks outside the window, this thought bubble made me think her bitter story in this memorandum, ended with her own symbol (the sun), the meaning of her name I mentioned before.

Sincerity. Or perhaps, the truth. If you couldn’t call those empty delusions, then what else could you call them?

From her experience, it’s not surprising if she concluded that Sincerity or truth is empty delusions.

The distance between both of them is…

And in the last thought bubble of Haruno ⇓ shows me that although she accepts her despair will continue endlessly, she shows her expectation/hope clearly that she too, wants to realize that the real sincerity/love/truth really exist. If my assumption is right, she is expecting from Hachiman who has the potential to understand and change people, to make it possible, to show her this true thing is exist and changes her despair to the better future (and this is not Danganronpa.). She always tries her best because she loves her mother or/and her sister. So she allowed her mother and sister to relied on her too much and ends up sink into the despair. So the only word that is influential in her heart.

Do genuine things really exist?

Umm… Then Who Is The Shepherd?

And the remained question is who is the shepherd of the village that Haruno has mentioned in the third memorandum, I think her mother and her sister can be the person she referred to. Or both of them are the answer because the shepherd can be the family member or both of them.

However, after this too long analysis, I need to choose who is the shepherd, I would sway to her mother because of two reasons.

1. Justice

Long ago, I felt I had a connection with the shepherd of the village.

Justice, sincerity, and love. But when I think about them, they’re worthless. Everything about them was absolutely laughable.

When I consider this word, justice, I think Haruno is thinking about someone who is like that. So I think she means her mother more than her sister because speeches above make me think an adult who she loved and admired. When she was still a kid, which person is the one she saw as the model, her mother or her sister.

2. The Weight of Dependence

This memorandum is in LN v10 so I will compare the weight of dependence between her mother and her sister. In case of Yukino, after Haruno couldn’t answer her expectation to help her from an unknown situation in the past (the hint from LN v6 that I mentioned before), the weight of dependence was decreased. The remained weight is Yukino is still wanting to be like her but this weight vanished because Haruno realizes that her sister is following the next idol, Hachiman. This event happened before this third memorandum.

but she is not interested (yet). Then, who will be “Yukinoshita Yukino”?

So in this memorandum, all weight of dependence that her little sister ever passed on her unintentionally, was withdrawn completely, remained the new worry (Haruno is worried about Hachiman because he will experience the evil of becoming the reliable big brother in the future).

In case of her mother, all weight never lessen (perfect daughter, heir, sociable, education, etc.), more weight is filled because she expects the everlasting relationship by arranging her daughter to marry the most suitable choice. And Haruno never can say what is on her mind to her mother so she can live the way she wants. So when I compare the weights between her mother and her sister, the weight from her mother’s side can’t …be estimated.

With these two reasons, that’s why my answer is still her mother.

However, I believe again that Haruno’s problem can be solved via conversation.

Eliminate fear in their hearts with courage!

Because this problem happened because she and her mother or/and her sister would never reveal their feelings before. (502 Bad Gateway Error: Two different servers Yukinoshitas are having trouble communicating.) Since this is her memorandum, let me cheer on her. Fighto, Haruno! I know you can say your wish.

If so, just whose monologue was it?

Although I still believe that Haruno is the owner of this memorandum, this is my answer at the story level. Until I found out something that I will call “the deepest layer” and “the core” by analyzing this post of anime Zoku ep5. So I reviewed these three memorandums again. It appears that all 3 memorandums belong to just one person. If you want to know the owner of them, I recommend you to read the post I pasted its link because if we can’t find out that core, it’s impossible (in my opinion) to realize about that person.

After I realized that person or that being, the truth impacted me and I thought that “…So it’s like that.”. With the final answer I found, it connects to the memorandum in LN v12 that I really think that Yuigahama is the owner but it appears that if we are talking about the core level, the owner of those three memorandums also owns this memorandum.

Since I found out the core or the true person who owns these memorandums, the next question for me is “then, is it possible that characters I analyzed might be not the true answer?”. I think at this point, I can’t judge this anymore because it’s up to the creator who designed them. If the creator intends to direct characters in the story will be the owners, so it’s like that, if the creator has no that intention, so it’s not.

But don’t forget this analysis exists to find out the owner of this monologue and compares the result of this analysis that it consists of the detail in this memorandum or not. I want to know your opinion as well. I like to read every comment and theories so please don’t hesitate to use the Comment form below to paste your own thought.

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Memorandum List

This list is all analyses about three memorandums in Oregairu v10. Dozo!

Related Oregairu analysis you should not miss!

I mentioned earlier that Haruno is waiting for that person who can see right through her. That’s why she tries to find out this boy is like she wonders or not.

asking her for help like her mother always asks her to do anything she wants.

During the cultural festival, she feels terrified when she sawis

When I mentioned that Hachiman is one who Haruno is waiting for, I noticed before from LN v8. Haruno vents her feeling to him about her sister during that time.

manipulation

Author: Yahari Bento ( ^ v^)* Eye wanna eat chocolate pecan pie. It would be SO GOOD! SO GOOD! ( ^ )3^) View all posts by Yahari Bento ( ^ v^)*

I wrote aboutamong Yukinoshita’s female family members in this analysis. The reason why Haruno is so persistent with her younger sister so much.