Deciding when to get married

You will never imagine how life will be after marriage. Loving a person and staying together are two very different things. You think if you love that someone, you will be able to accept his or her everything, including weird or intolerable habits. But when the wedding fanfare is over, and both of you start to stay together, reality kicks in and you will regret not having written more of “I shall do this and that for my partner” list before your partner signs on it.

Life after marriage: fantasy

1. “Clink” your glass of wine with your partner as you seep slowly, looking into each other’s eyes with soft music in the background.

2. Your partner creeps up to you from the back and gives you a surprise kiss while you are cooking a lovely candlelit dinner.

3. Watch a favourite movie as both of you sit back and relax into the designer couch.

4. Before your partner goes to work, plant a kiss on his cheeks as you see him walks out the door OR hug her when she is back home from work.

5. Both of you finally can see each other everyday and be with each other till death do you two part.

Life after marriage: reality

1. Household chores – Dishes pile up in the sink; floor full of dirt and fallen hair; laundry basket overflowing with unwashed or washed clothes – both of you fight over who wash what and who “won” the toilet bowl brush stick.

2. Household bills – who pays for what, who pays utility bills, groceries, children’s school fees, tuition fees, school bus fees, who tops up car fuel, and… the car ends up in the car park and you’ll rather take the public transport to work.

3. Home-cooked meals – You cook, he washes, or he cooks, you wash up, in the end both of you decide to eat out and no dishes will need washing = peace

4. Time after work – each will be looking at your own smartphone, checking out other people’s lives. What was that about seeing each other everyday? Checking out what you wife bought during sale? You’ll rather “like” your ex newly bought Hermes bag.

5. Chilling out – “What??? You’ll be back late? I make the kids sleep 4 nights in a row!” The 5th night will be your turn to “revenge” on your partner.

Oops! I must have made marriage sounds lousy. But reality is reality, you’ll never know until you stay together as a married couple, with responsibilities over your love nest and eggs. Cohabitation will not be a good practice session because simply, it doesn’t have the responsibility in the equation. So, why would anyone get married in the first place? It has to be L.O.V.E. that brings both of you together to want to grow old together. Only a mature and responsible attitude towards your partner will see you through a happy marriage.

Being married to each other = Being married to each other’s family as well. You have to be prepared that your actions and considerations include parents or even extended families. Learning to live with each other is already an uphill task, let alone learning to live or understanding each other’s parents. Just remember, both of you come from different backgrounds with different habits and upbringing. It will take some years to understand and compromise to staying in harmony.

Before you get worried about all these talk on responsibility, ask yourself if you want to grow old by yourself? Can you picture living alone in a nice home but with no one to talk to and just watching tv alone, sleeping alone and walking alone in the park? When you want to find someone to talk to, everyone is busy with their own families and probably can spare you some minutes on the phone or if you are lucky, few hours over coffee, but definitely not everyday. Which gets you more worried? Married with responsibilities? Or loneliness?

When you find that someone you love, you will want to be with him / her forever, nurture your little ones together, have emotional support during life’s ups and downs and grow old together, hand in hand to the park. And I always believe that when both of you go through life’s predicament, and stay by each other steadfastly, this relationship will emerge a tough and loving one. So, before you decide to get married, mentally prepare yourself for the not so lovey-dovey part, face what may come with a positive mindset and handle them responsibly and patiently. Life has its ups and downs and so does your marriage. If you truly love your partner, everything is worth it. Lucky for me, Kel and I still do ALL the “fantasy” part of the marriage I mentioned above. We have our share of the not so lovey-dovey part like the household chores of course. At the end of it all, we still love each other very much to make all the effort worth all the more.

What’s your take on marriage?