Let me set the scene: I am a sophomore with wide eyes, a worried soul and little to no progress on my African American Studies final paper. I step into the vibrant workspace of the Student Learning Center, find the writing center, sign up and wait nervously to be greeted by a tutor.

This tutoring session didn’t go as one would think. This session was basically me venting about the class, trying to brainstorm questions to ask my professor in office hours and crying a little. I was feeling overwhelmed. I was afraid that I was once again on the verge of failure, and that was terrifying for me.

My tutor was kind enough to not only give me academic support but emotional support as well. She told me that I wasn’t crazy (because I was thinking that I was) and that I was on the right track with what I had written. She told me (to my surprise) that I knew what I was talking about.

I was inspired by her belief in me. I was having a hard time even believing in myself, and it amazed me that someone I barely knew could do that for me. She even encouraged me to apply to be a writing tutor. Because underneath all the fear, she saw a confident, smart young woman.

A few months later, I’m interviewing to be a writing tutor at the SLC. I sit with a bright smile, a timid heart and nervous feet.

I answered questions to the best of my ability. The mock tutoring part of the interview was where I got flustered. But I walked out of the interview feeling proud of myself. And soon, a “Congratulations!” email popped up in my inbox. I was excited and nervous for what this job might be for me and what it might teach me.

When it came time to put in the work, though, I was hardly able to work with students because I was too scared to speak up. I wasn’t confident. Fall semester of my junior year was difficult. I was in a few hard classes, probably juggling too much on my plate and my job wasn’t going the way that I had hoped (this would soon become a trend). I felt as though I didn’t have what it took to be a tutor because I was so behind all the other new tutors in my group. I was almost ready to give up.

But towards the end of the semester, I had a breakthrough. I realized that not many people are on my side. A lot of people may not want me to succeed because I am a Black woman at a university striving to accomplish the goals that I set for myself. I realized that I had to write myself into existence because no one else can do that for me.

I unearthed a poem recently in the depths of my childhood things. In my struggles this year, this poem I wrote in ninth grade is true to everything that has been happening (I am amazed at the wisdom of such a small person). So here it is, true and wise words from a 14-year-old Morgan:

Things change when you grow.

Sometimes you might not want those changes.

But when we grow, we learn.

I am changing, growing, learning.

Things won’t be so easy anymore.

That is what I am learning.

Change is an opportunity.

Opportunities like that only come when we grow.

Going into the following spring semester of my junior year, I was ready to dive right in. I had been rehired as a tutor, and I was feeling good.

I know I wouldn’t have appreciated the opportunity as much as I did (and still do) if I hadn’t struggled so much that first semester. I was being pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I felt awkward and uncomfortable that first semester. But soon, I was able to familiarize myself, adjust and move forward with the work that I had been taught and hired to do. Those moments of tension helped me grow as a writer, a student, an employee and a person.

The SLC tutoring environment has pushed me far beyond my comfort zone and continues to do so everyday. Sometimes it is easy to get into a routine. But in academia, I have learned that it is important to push yourself to say what you want to say and to find out what you don’t know because that work will benefit you in the long run.

I still have a lot to learn about myself and this world, obviously. But I have a lot of time for that too.

Morgan writes the Wednesday column on risk-taking. Contact her at [email protected].