I’ve done it, I’ve joined the Liberal Democrats. Since leaving the Labour party, I’ve been thinking about it, edging closer and closer, like when you see footage of people slowly shuffling on their bums towards plane doors to do charity parachute jumps.

I did it for highly unoriginal Brexit reasons (I’m one of those Remoaners who still think there’s a lot to Remoan about). The Tories are morphing into a cartoon hydra of their own worst impulses. The Labour party seems intent on chewing on sticks of dynamite like they’re delicious lollipops.

Donald Trump is squatting in power like an angry toad stuck to an uber-Republican lily pad. Ultimately, I joined the Lib Dems because I didn’t know what else I could do. The way I see it, this is turning into Generation Compromised and you gotta do what you gotta do.

It’s all far from perfect (Tim Farron needs to speak clearly about gay issues). But it goes further back than that. My working-class background always felt like a bad fit with “Lib Demmery”. I still have a childish Lib Dem cliche lodged in my head about earnest folk in socks teamed with sandals.

However, the Lib Dems are committed to fighting against the bizarre acceleration towards Chaos Brexit (Apocalypse Brexit? Clueless Brexit?). This isn’t about the people who voted for Brexit – it’s about the people in charge of Brexit.

I’m grateful that the Lib Dems are speaking up and I want to show my support – swell their ranks, at least give the other parties a fright and a reality check. Other people agree – they’re joining the Liberal Democrats in droves.

Others disagree and I keep coming across them, in real life and on social media. Like me, they’re Remoaners who still feel they have a lot to Remoan about.

There are also quite a few disenchanted former Jeremy Corbyn/John McDonnell/ Momentum supporters, whose conversation is often punctuated by the terrible melancholy crash of scales falling from their eyes. Some of them say that they could never support the Lib Dems – they feel that they can’t be trusted because of the coalition/tuition fee debacle. I listen respectfully, but think privately: oh come on, move on, get over it just a tad.

The point is, I understand how people feel because I spent a long time feeling exactly the same way. I was furious about the coalition, though I think now that we can all appreciate that the Lib Dems were telling the truth when they say they did what they could to curb the worst Tory excesses.

I remain angry about tuition fees (the ultimate betrayal of British youth), though whatever else the Lib Dems did or didn’t do, they didn’t originally introduce the fees.

Unlike the Tories, the Lib Dems were spanked mightily at the last general election. Wasn’t that enough? They’re hardly the first party to renege on a pledge in British political history; when will they be allowed to put down their electoral leper bell and be judged “clean” again?

So I understand if people still wake up screaming, remembering the sickening scenes of the David Cameron/Nick Clegg “bromance” in the Downing Street rose garden.

However, I feel it’s now time to stop sniping about a ball that started rolling back in 2010 and instead focus solely on the here and now. And right now, continuing to carp about the past sins of the Lib Dems feels akin to whingeing about the colour of the curtains while the house burns down.

I meant what I said earlier about it feeling like Generation Compromised: this may become an era that ends up defined by having to make difficult, conflicted grown-up choices – holding your nose and just getting on with it. Anything else could turn out to be self-indulgent in the extreme.

Prison is becoming a fight for survival

A warden watches over prisoners at Saughton prison.

‘Prisons are supposed to be an opportunity for rehabilitation.’ Photograph: Alamy

The Ministry of Justice reports a record number of suicides in prison last year – 119, double the amount from 2004. There have also been tens of thousands of incidents of self-harm, representing a 23% increase.

There has also been a 28% increase in prisoner-on-prisoner assaults and a 40% increase in assaults on prison staff, in increasingly pressurised conditions, aggravated by gang warfare and drugs. At the same time, there are fewer prison officers, some of whom have staged walkouts in protest at the overcrowding and understaffing.

Frances Crook, chief executive of the Howard League for Penal Reform, points out that suicide rates inside prison are 10 times higher than those in the outside world, describing the figures as a national scandal. Which sounds about right.

As Ms Crook says, prison is not supposed to be about killing people or making people feel so desperate that they kill themselves. Indeed, the care being given to prisoners, in terms of their psychological and emotional wellbeing, seems to be shockingly poor. Prisoners should be supported in order that they leave the penal system in as good a mental state as possible. In truth, they’re stressed, desperate and neglected. Even if they do survive their sentences, what chance do they have when they are released?

Perhaps compassion fatigue sets in for some people where prisoners are concerned, amounting to, quite literally, a stance of: “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.” However, this attitude could be dangerous for everybody. It’s a sign of a properly functioning society that it looks after the people it incarcerates and not just physically. The justice secretary, Liz Truss, should take note – prisons are supposed to be an opportunity for rehabilitation, not revenge.

Oh do look, it’s open season on Madonna again

Under fire yet again: Madonna Photograph: Franck Robichon/EPA

There are conflicting reports about whether Madonna is trying to adopt four-year-old twins from Malawi. If she is adopting the girls, what’s the problem? Madonna is predictably being called an overentitled westerner, who is swanning in, taking children on some Lady Bountiful whim. Why couldn’t she just help the children of Malawi without moving them from their country? Why is she adopting more children at the age of 58? Why doesn’t she just adopt from the United States? And so it goes on.

Of course these things should be scrutinised and debated, but I think it’s unfair for Madonna to be routinely depicted as viewing impoverished Africa as some kind of personal baby mall. While Madonna has already adopted two children from Malawi (David and Mercy), she’s demonstrated commitment to the region for the past decade. And if Madonna isn’t fit and wealthy enough to reasonably offset age concerns, then who is?

Clearly those little girls would benefit from being adopted by Madonna, so why the indecent haste to tear the plan to pieces? While it’s true that institutionalised poverty cannot be solved by individual altruism, this isn’t Madonna’s problem alone.