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Hi Historic Anglophones — and bonjour to the rest of you xylophones.

The CAQ government says only members of the “historic anglophone community” may soon be allowed to receive Quebec services in English, such as getting Hydro bills, or using automated English phone menus.

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Meanwhile, anglophones with no history will have to listen to French-only phone menus and read their Hydro bills in the dark.

The announcement has set off rounds of alarm and satire about who is and isn’t an historic anglo.

Some wits suggest naming the two groups the Historical Anglophone Minority (HAMs) versus the Recent Anglophone Minority (RAMs), though only the HAMs would be kosher for getting English services.

But I think it’s better to see the division like airline classes: Business Executive Class 1 anglos vs. Economy Class 2 anglos. Executive anglos would get extra perks like English-language services, automated English phone menus and maybe free English muffins.