"I’ll bet, if you ask your friends, at least one will admit to having one, too."

I never planned to keep a secret stash of money from my husband, but I guess that’s what I ended up doing.

Like a lot of women, I’d been using my existing bank account from back in my uni days to get paid from my job for a couple of years. That was the situation when I got married.

My husband was self-employed and older, and he owned his house (which we lived in), so there was no major expense to contribute to; we just took it in turns paying for things like groceries and bills.

Also, I had a modest property which I sold, investing the proceeds into his business. So, our contributions to our overall financial position were fairly equal.

A year after we married, my husband put me down as a joint account holder on his business accounts, so I could help him administer his company.

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Eventually, it became a lot of work, and I quit my job to join him full time. I still got paid (a small amount) as an employee, and that pay went into my private account, just like my other job used to.

My husband had full knowledge of that, and there was no issue – he was also legitimately drawing an income from our business. Things only changed much later when I realised our marriage was ending…badly.

I started viewing my independent account as money I would need if we split. I stopped using it for spending on our baby son, as I had been – I began to make a conscious effort everything that was for our son, should come from our joint accounts.

I had a feeling, a sense, that I was going to need every cent that I’d rightfully earned to get me and my small son into our own home – and, as I could see from the split’s fallout, I was right.

My only regret? Not having saved more. On the day I left, I had $3,362 in that account. I’ll never forget that figure. It bought me and my two-year-old son freedom.

I know what some of you are thinking - keeping such a big secret from my husband was a sign of the strength of my marriage. You might just be right. But if that marriage was always going to end anyway, at least I had some money for my son and I to go with it.

As it turns out, I’m far from alone in having this secret stash. I’ve spoken to several women who have planned a very deliberate ‘secret split stash’ for that rainy day.

And I’ll bet, if you ask some of your friends, at least one will admit to having one, too.

I remember sitting down with my mates Karen and Susan*, and telling them what I’d done. They both admitted they had always maintained accounts in their own names, too.

I couldn’t believe it - two happily married women? Why would they need to do that?

Oh wait, that used to be me.

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Karen revealed she’d done the same thing I did; kept her bank account from before she was married. But because she’d never worked since, she was quietly putting away ‘spare change’…which over 10 years of marriage, amounted to almost $10,000.

Smart girl. Because she was a ‘homemaker’, she knew that one day she might need a safety net.

Susan had done it differently. When she inherited some money from an aunt, she didn’t tell her husband, but put it in a high-interest bearing account.

For Susan, it wasn’t a split stash – but more an easy-access to cash if something ever happened to her husband, as their money was tied up in his business, which she wasn’t part of.

She envisaged it was for a situation where he’d had a stroke or something…but admitted it was also if he ended up betraying her with the business money in some way. Yes, it all sounds a bit Hollywood-movie, but it happens!

Susan’s stash? A cool $20,000 because she’d found a great interest-bearing account. Evidently, Susan had no plans of ever lowering her standard of living!

I raised the topic with my friend, Brenda, too. She was horrified, and admonished me for not pointing out to my ex that I’d kept money for myself.

I told her it was money I earned – he just didn’t know the account balance. And that ultimately, I had really needed it – especially as my son had been with me 100 percent.

Judgey Brenda wasn’t moved.

But when I recently discussed this topic in an online parenting group, many other women confessed to their secret stashes. Most admitted they had between $3000 - $8000 which their husbands didn’t know about.

The money been saved from a mixture of their own personal incomes, tax returns, and money gifted to them from parents.

It was all above board – the tax department knew; it’s just that their husbands didn’t.

The discussion also revealed that Judgey Brenda was not alone in her horror. Some of the women felt it was very disloyal to their husbands. And I guess that’s fair enough.

All I can say is this: marriages and money are complicated. You never know what’s going to happen, so I guess just hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

*Names have been changed because I’d never out a sista who had a secret split stash.

This story originally appeared on Kidspot and has been republished here with permission.