My eyes darted between the road, the steering wheel, the dashboard clock and the machine hooked up to both of my breasts. If I’d had a moment to stop and think, I might have found this scene — the image of myself hooked up to a loud wheezing breast pump, furiously driving and pumping — hilarious. Instead, it was just the soundtrack to all of the other competing thoughts in my head as I rushed between back-to-back meetings on the large campus of the tech company where I worked. I continued racing to my meeting, hoping not to hit anyone in the parking lot, all the while cursing ... well, who, exactly?

I realized I wasn’t sure.

Whose fault was it that I, a new mother, was trying to be an even better employee than I’d been before becoming a mom, to do everything and be everything at a faster pace — both at home and at work? Whose fault was it that I didn’t just reschedule one of the meetings that was the cause of my mad pump-dash-drive? Whose fault was it that even though I still felt as competent, driven and productive as ever, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had something to prove to my colleagues, and that everyone around me would to be watching my every move?

It’s easy to shake our heads and blame “the system.” But as I went through the list of perpetrators in my head, I realized that blame doesn’t bring about progress. Only change brings about progress. And it’s time for a change in the U.S. workplace.

In a world where new parents are too often pushed to make a black or white choice between career or family, capable, skilled employees are desperately seeking companies that are willing to embrace shades of gray. Our world is ready for it, our future competitiveness demands it, and the success of our companies will depend on it.

The changes we need require specific policies and practices, but first and foremost they require a shift in attitudes.

It is time to universally recognize that in order to get the most productive, most loyal and most hardworking employees, we need to acknowledge that those employees have meaningful lives, responsibilities and commitments outside of the office. We need to agree that those lives come with obligations and priorities that are legitimate and valid. And we need to allow people to fit in their work around their lives, not the other way around.

This shift not only targets parents, but would benefit all employees. No matter what our family situation looks like, we all have emotional and physical needs that impact our success at work: the need for sleep, exercise, social engagement and stress management. We all have responsibilities and obligations outside the office. Whether those are parent-teacher association meetings, hobbies or volunteer commitments, they deserve to be acknowledged and met in the context of work.

My own work experiences led me to see the urgent need to adopt a more flexible approach to the lives of employees. I’ve made some changes of my own as CEO and co-founder of Hatch Baby, a company that creates smart nursery products for parents. The details will look different at every company, but there are some policies that work particularly well for us.

We encourage employees to set flexible schedules and work from home, which lets them get their work done on their own time. That means they can be there for their family or other commitments when they need to be. We also allow employees to take unlimited time off; this works because I hire high performers.

I trust my employees and know that they are committed to producing great work. As long they get their work done, which they always do, we are happy to accommodate their lives in whatever form that takes.

And Hatch Baby is not alone. Many startups, hungry for top-notch talent, are moving in this direction. Together, we are finding that everyone gains from more flexibility. A 2015 Ernst & Young survey of 9,700 employees worldwide found that the No. 1 feature employees wanted in a job was flexibility. Its absence was also cited as one of the top reasons for leaving a job. Employers ignore these trends at their own risk.

With more flexibility, workers are happier, more productive and higher performing in all of their roles: as workers, colleagues, managers, mentors, family members and friends. And that not only makes for a better workplace — it makes for a healthier society.

There are other areas that are ripe for exploration: training programs for managers to fully comprehend the importance of knowing and caring about the outside lives of their direct reports, so that outside responsibilities and pressures can be addressed. Baby visitation programs to allow parents to see and be with their babies during the day. Lactation rooms. On-site day care for larger companies. Wellness programs that are meaningful and that employees are expected to actively participate in. Project-based employment so that parents can take on work in chunks when and if they are available.

Forty percent of mothers who leave the workforce after having children never return to a full-time position, according to a 2010 Center for Work-Life Policy study.

By contrast, 89 percent of mothers who took a break said they wanted to return. The desire is clearly there; the barriers to re-entry are simply too high.

The current demands and stresses on most new parents, as I experienced myself, are untenable — if not unconscionable. I was a new mother, but I wasn’t thinking about my baby. I was a working professional, but I wasn’t thinking about work. All I could think about was the clock, which kept on ticking, and all of the things that I needed to get done, but could not do to the best of my ability.

When I was rushing between meetings that day as a new mother, frantically driving and pumping, it was my own choice. Nobody at the company told me I had to be in two places at once. Nobody told me they would disapprove if I rescheduled the meetings. But at the same time, nobody told me to relax. Nobody told me to take the time I needed to nurture my baby and myself. Nobody told me to breathe.

The lesson here is that those of us with the power to change the game in the American workplace need to do so now: Give your employees room to breathe. Promote a culture of permissiveness and productivity. Your employees will be happier, healthier, more productive and more driven than they’ve ever been, if they know you are on their side.

Ann Crady Weiss is CEO and founder of Hatch Baby, a smart-parenting-device company based in Menlo Park. She previously founded Maya’s Mom, a social networking site for mothers that was acquired by Johnson & Johnson. She is a graduate of UC San Diego, and received her law degree from Georgetown University.

Editor’s note: Ideas, a new essay series, lets Bay Area leaders share their insights into business topics every other Monday. To submit an essay, send a proposal to business@sfchronicle.com.