Feminists, it’s time to face facts. You don’t live in a patriarchial society. Shocking, I know, but it’s time for you to let this patriarchy narrative go. As you dance in the streets topless, holding up signs that say, “slut” and “Smash the Patriarchy!” remember that people under oppressive rule do not have the kinds of rights that you enjoy.

To give you an idea of how idiotic you are, why don’t we discuss North Korea for a moment. Do you think that women in that country could be feminists? No, of course not. Those people are actually oppressed. If someone decides that they want to rape you or your mom, you just have to lay there and take it. If you don’t, it can become a stain on your family that is passed down through the generations or you might be killed.

You and your family might have to live in a prison camp, for five generations if you step out of line. You can’t question the divinity of the supreme leader. You can’t protest or make signs. If you step out of line, your neighbors will gladly rat you out and into the camp you go. A camp full of rape, murder, and the worst kinds of misery imaginable.

Speaking of rats, in the camps people combat medical conditions associated with a lack of protein by eating rats. Those people must get permission from the prison guards to eat the rats and they are happy to even have rat meat. That is actual oppression. The kind of foul dehumanizing treatment that first world hipsters can not even begin to fathom.

Here, in the first world, nobody discusses whether or not you should be stoned for cheating on your husband or having premarital sex. In fact, people celebrate your ability to do these things without consequence. Here in the west, we prosecute rapists as well the men who offend you by sitting with their legs open on a train.

The kinds of countries that suffer from actual oppression can not protest, because they don’t have the right to protest. If they protest someone will shoot them where they stand and their bodies will be promptly cleaned off the sidewalk. Feminism can only exist in the kinds of countries that are doing so well that they don’t have to consider eating rats for much needed sustenance. It can only exist in a place with enough human rights, to care that you as a woman are a little upset.

Feminism can only exist in countries where women can be smart enough to understand the concept of oppression; Yet stupid and coddled enough to believe that such words describe the country that they live in. In fact a country has to care about women period for feminism to even be a thing. You have to register as respectable human beings deserving of mercy, for a government to even care that you are walking around with signs and chanting.

If men really dehumanized women in the way that you feminists suggest, men would not treat you with such kindness. If you were actually oppressed in the way you describe, men would have no problem at all, gunning down your slut walk. They would not share their lives and homes with you. Instead you’d be lucky and happy to enjoy a life being chained up as a breeding vessel in some guy’s basement. On a good day he’d dump some table scraps into a dog dish for you and you’d look at him like a god.

Feminists act as though men treat them like slaves or objects that they are entitled to. You don’t negotiate with slaves. Men don’t have to talk objects into sleeping with them. If you think that a guy being super nice to you, buying you stuff, and then performing oral sex on you is slavery, then it’s time you cracked open a history textbook. Because I don’t think that you understand these things.

If you live in an oppressive regime, you get treated as being worse than shit. Then if you are lucky, you get treated like dirt. If you’re really lucky, one day you’ll be treated like a barnyard animal. You don’t get treated like a human being, you get treated as merely a means to an end. You are merely a tool used to accomplish a goal. You’re easily replaced, easily discarded, and nobody cares if you die aside from your family. There’s no one to protect you from getting raped or murdered and nobody cares if those things happen to you and you can’t report it.

It’s time that you feminists woke up. First world governments bend over backwards to give you things that you want. People care that you picket in the streets, as you’ve been given the right to do so as a full citizen of a first world country. You get food, and medical care. There are people who at least attempt to enforce laws here, and those laws are for the most part pretty fair when compared to a good portion of the world.

There is no patriarchy. The glass ceiling is something that you’ve constructed for yourself. It’s a barrier that you’ve created for yourself as a spoiled entitled woman with first world problems. You have the greatest amount of personal choice when compared to most of the world and yet that is never enough for you. It’s not enough that men here protect you, give you rights, give you freedom, and share all their possessions with you. No, you want all those things and to then be able to shit all over men while you receive them. You want to be able to act like a total asshole to everyone, and call anyone that complains a misogynist.

Which is why people under the hashtag #worldpatriarchyday are mocking you. They are mocking this idea that you as a first world woman are oppressed under a harsh patriarchal regime. To those who want to start complaining about being a woman with rights in a first world country, I challenge you to go live in a poor lawless war-torn country, and see how well that turns out for you. Ask the women there if they want to make signs or have a slutwalk. Because I’m pretty sure that they would see you for the deranged morons that you are.