Professional old dirtbag Adam Carolla has done us the favor of confirming our disdain for anything he says with a new interview in Salon.

When asked if he’s antigay, he claims that he isn’t because he is willing to work with homosexuals. That’s a pretty low bar.

Then he adds, “they’ve just turned into a mafia and demanding everyone apologize for every joke and retract every statement.” Oh, okay, that’s awesome.

“I’ve lived in this town my whole life and never seen it like this,” he complains. It’s the sort of thing a racist might say about network television in the 1970s.

And then there’s this business: “In terms of sexual proclivities, I don’t know what someone’s into! You could work with someone who’s into kids — how would you know? I don’t know and I don’t care.”

So, that’s all pretty gross. First of all, why would you not care that your worker is a pedophile?

Second, that’s a pretty great comparison, Adam Carolla, you’re right that being gay and being a pedophile are two things that are pretty similar. Clever of your to link them. You’re in good company with that one.

Also, what you are experiencing is what we call straight privilege, which is another thing you might have “never seen it like this.” Because you’re straight, you’ve never had to deal with the problems that queers face, so you just assume those problems don’t exist. Not having to care about your coworkers’ sexual orientation is a wonderful luxury, congratulations on having enjoyed it your whole life. We are so happy for you.

Carolla’s probably never had to know about a lot of things, in fact. Who knows what it’s like to be in a wheelchair? Who cares! Who knows what it’s like to live in Bangladesh? Who cares! Who knows what it’s like to lose your house in a flood? Who cares! God, those people all just need to shut up, so rich straight white guys can tell more jokes about them.

He’s also tired of hearing about gay marriage, and wishes it would just get legalized so that he doesn’t have to talk about it anymore. Fair enough. We wish for the same thing. Being able to visit your dying spouse in the hospital is maybe a better reason to want it, but okay, you see it as an impediment to conversational topics, that’s almost as valid.

In conclusion, what a gross creep. Ick.