In the back of the latest Newsweek there’s a Q&A with Patrick Stewart who is doing The Scottish Play on Broadway soon (or now). Mostly Newsweek Q&As are boring and stupid because whoever is asking the Qs (for this one it’s Nicki Gostin) is a really bad interviewer, for one, and is also insipid and dull. Generally the result is that the interviewees give boring, dull answers themselves, but Patrick decided to liven things up.

The funny:

Q: Did you ever get sick of the jumpsuit on “Star Trek”? A: Sick of it? I came to loathe it. We actually got rid of it after the second season thanks to my chiropractor, who said if they don’t take you out of that costume we are going to slap a lawsuit on paramount for the lasting damage done to your spine. Q: How does a jumpsuit damage your spine? A: They were made from Lycra and one size too small. The producers wanted to have a smooth, unwrinkled look. It put a terrible amount of strain on the shoulders, neck, and back.

HAHAHAHAHA What the hell! Lycra and one size too small? This is almost as bad as trying to pretend those things didn’t have zippers. Oh Paramount, you never cease to astound me with your dumb.

Now the pwning:

Q: When you’re onstage, aren’t you worried about weird Trekkie fans in the audience? A: Oh, come on, that’s just a silly thing to say. Q: But they are weird. A: How many do you know personally? You couldn’t be more wrong. Here’s the thing: if you say the fans are weird, that means there’s something essentially weird about the show, and there is nothing weird about it. I’m very passionate when people like you snigger.

Game. Set. Match.

Thank you, Patrick Stewart. I didn’t think I could respect you any more but you blew the ceiling off respect and built a superdome.

Also: fuck you, Newsweek (and Nicki Gostin).

(p.s. check out the comments at the link.)

ETA: Nicki got a bit fed up with the commentary, so provided her own:

Nikki Gostin here. Having read all of your comments regarding my interview with Patrick Stewart, all I can say is this: Get a life, people. If you don’t like my calling you weird, then stop acting weird. I’ve yet to meet a single Star Trek fan who wasn’t incredibly strange and obsessive, and I stand by my characterizatoin [sic]. Mr Stewart will always be Picard in my eyes, and in most people’s eyes, and so that was what I chose to focus on. I have years of experience as a journalist, and those of you taking me to task for how I chose to conduct myself in this particular interview are just jealous because I got to meet your god and you didn’t. If you think I’m at all insulted by any of your words, then you’re even weirder than I originally thought. There is nothing a flabby freak in an ill-fitting poiyester [sic] costume and pointy rubber ears could possibly say that would ever have any affect on me other than to make me laugh hysterically. I can’t believe you all took the time to write such nerdy and embarrassing responses to what was never intended to be more than a fluff piece. I’m a fluff writer. This is a fluff magazine. Hence, it’s a fluff piece–and the fact that none of you recognize this says far more about all of you than it says about me. And the reason my editor never responded to your e-mails is that you don’t rate. Accept it and move on, because I’m still here at Newsweek, and you’re still in your parents’ basements, wearing space pajamas. Peace out.

What a silly idiot she is. Unprofessional, too. Seriously, she’s calling other people out for their behavior when she’s responding like a 12 year old? Pfft. What an ass. (Thanks for the tip and emphasis, Rose!)