A Shanghai Jiaotong University female’s views on marriage.

Author: Self-professed leader of the Jiaotong University football [soccer] cheerleading team.

I am a female student of Shanghai Jiaotong University. It’s my first time writing a post. Please don’t laugh at my bad writing.

Everyone has an ideal in life. Some wants to become a hero, some wants to become rich, some other desires to become a leader. So what about me? My greatest wish in life is to marry a Western1 man. Some might say I am very vulgar, or even a turncoat, but I am a very traditional girl. To me, the most important thing in life is marriage. There is a very trendy saying currently, that studying well is not as good as marrying well. Marrying the right man is more important than anything else.

Some might ask, “Are there not enough good men in China?” Sorry, I have not considered before. As for the reason, don’t be impatient. Sofa, stool, the floor, take your pick, and listen to this girl’s reasons one by one.

I. China does not have any men suitable for me.

I am a very distinct/outstanding girl. In terms of academics, I am studying at a famous university, have an excellent academic record, and I am not one who wears thick glasses or sticks her head into books like a high-IQ geek. I have an excellent figure, an amazing look and a cultivated style of conversation. I am the leader of the football [soccer] cheerleading team. I took part in the local beauty pageants many times. I also have an interest for music, dance and art. Additionally, I often write some gossips for the newspaper. In summary, I am an excellent girl in every aspect. But what kind of man should I marry? There are lots of boys who are pursuing me, and most of my friends have boyfriends as well.

But when they graduate, they either break up, or they start talking about marriage, about family matters and where to settle down. They talk so seriously about everything, expect for love which is the most important thing in a marriage. I am very passionate about my life, I wish to have both a excellent materialist and spiritual life. Sorry that I can’t find that on a Chinese man. Marry a schoolmate, eventually become a white collar in a company? Can that afford a house?

I want to have a huge living room, big enough to be like a small salon. I could be together with my friends talking about anything under the sun, savoring high quality wine. Even the bathroom must be big enough to fit in a large bathtub, for two people, so I can put on some gentle music and spend a romantic night with my beloved husband.

Also, the guy I marry must at least have enough money to buy a car, right? Or am I supposed to go to work by bus everyday? It is like in a freezer in winter, and in a microwave in summer, and within a few years a beautiful young girl will become a dark-skinned granny. Besides, are you guys really willing to let a white-collar beauty like me be pushed around by those dirty migrant workers?

China definitely does not lack rich men, but have a look at what kind of people they are. How many of them succeeded due to their own effort, ability or honesty? If they are not brick-moving labour contractors, then they are coal-digging boss from Shanxi, or they are corrupt. They are neither civilised, nor do they have a good bearing. How am I supposed to converse with them? To be honest, they will regard it as art if you are able to hum a few lines of pop music.

When they have money, they will go out eating, drinking, visiting prostitutes, or gambling. Just trying to live a peaceful life would be difficult. There are already people coming to the university to pursue me, extending their arms to give me business cards showing that they are some CEO, chairmen of the board, high-ranking bureaucrats, each of them wealthier and more arrogant than the other. Some even directly suggest me to be their concubine. Oh my God! I may not be an exceptionally beautiful woman, but I am at least a young and beautiful girl, who worked very hard for years to get into a prestigious university, and I can only be a mistress?!

II. Western countries have better living conditions.

Even if a rich single guy, outstanding, elegant, and falls in love with me, hmph hmph, this girl [referring to self] still will not really want to marry him. To be blunt, I just want to marry into the West. The Western world I have seen in television and movies is simply like heaven: clean streets, elegant buildings, pure air. Regardless whether bustling cities or quiet villages, everything seems to be so peaceful and harmonious. Regardless their academic background, everyone is very polite.

Based on this MM‘s [my] abilities, I could of course be a woman who lives in a villa, but so what? Even if we can afford a villa, can we buy clean air? Isn’t there dirt and dust everywhere in this country? The rural areas are better, but I don’t want to go there. Wouldn’t it be weird, if while I am sun-bathing in a bikini at my swimming pool a bunch of farmers outside the fence carrying baskets of dung stare at me? Tibet indeed has very pure air, but please, this girl is afraid of high attitude sickness.

I especially dislike the current living environment. Every home has anti-theft doors, and despite having lived in the same building for years, everyone is awkward every time they meet each other. Many people can’t even be bothered to bring their garbage downstairs, piling it up in front of the doors in the summer stinking. Sometimes I even wonder whether I am not living together with a bunch of cavemen. Rice has poison, milk powder will result in big heads, pork is from floods, oil is from the ditches, just thinking about it makes me terrified.

Sorry, you want me to love you, give me a reason first? Don’t have any? Start loving foreign countries. The American “home town” [sic], France’s vinyards, Spanish coastal towns, British medieval villages, it could be any of those. One of my schoolmates went to study abroad in Canada, and brought his/her father there for half a year. and when he came back he would whine: “Ai, that [Canada] is really a place fit for people to live.” Don’t give me any excuses, if you want my love, you have to give me a reason, right?

The costs of living in China is too high. We spend like Americans and earn like Africans. My parents worked hard to send me to university, so I should repay them and take care of them right? Even I become a high-ranking white-collar, would the salary really be that high? My parents are getting old. If they become ill and hospitalised, what can I do about the excessively expensive medical bills? Western countries have universal health care. Especially the job market in China, there is nothing to be praised. Each time I see the over-crowded job fairs, I almost get a heart attack. Dear me! The job fairs are rather like WW2 Omaha Beach (Normandy on D-Day). I am a delicate girl, how can I squeeze through these smelly guys?

As a modern woman, the first task in life is to survive, study and get into university, find a job, save money for a house, and save money for retirement. Which one of these does not require slaving away? Isn’t it tiring? If my fellow schoolgirls did not become dark-skinned grannies after graduating, they found a rich person to marry, and allow their husbands to go out eating, drinking, visiting prostitutes, and gambling, pretending they do not know, why suffer?

III. Western boys are all very excellent.

Having said this much, that the environment is good, material things are good, this third point is what I value the most: I simply like Western men. Ever since I was small, I liked watching Western movies, such as Roman Holiday” or “Gone with the Wind,” and I liked watching the Westerners in the movies, their faces are all so sharp and distinctive, especially their charming coloured eyes, their straight pronounced noses, their tight smooth lips. Moreover, the majority of Westerners are tall, have strong and handsome physiques, and always so sexy. Then I look at the Chinese guys around me: Ignoring the small eyes, they have lumpy noses, thick lips, and if their skin is tanned a bit, they look remarkably like Africans. Those who have been educated almost all look malnourished, making me worried whether they can protect me or not. Occasionally, there is a muscular man, but despite having grown a head, they did not grow a brain.

Many college guys are pursuing me, and other guys in society also often ask me out on dates, but there are not many I like. Each of them either look like a soy sprout, or like Ultraman [character from a Japanese TV show], each of them unkempt, and at minimum each of them do not pay attention to their own image. Many of the guys spit in public, I particularly dislike people who do this. Only little children and animals defecate and urinate everywhere, and spitting in public is not much better than defecating and urinating in public, so at most they count only as half-civilised.

The majority of Western men carry themselves elegantly and well, because they received good education from when they were small. In our city there are McDonald’s and KFC restaurants, and I often go there with friends to eat. All the Western men in the restaurants seem to have good upbringing, opening doors for others to enter first. Chinese guys, the moment the door opens, they rush towards the counter, often colliding with people exiting, as if they were the reincarnation of someone who starved to death in their last life. The Westerners1 who enter all stand in line, Chinese men rush up in a crowd, surrounding the counter shouting their orders. as if they haven’t eaten any food in a long time. And without being ashamed, they throw their trash wherever after eating, but those Westerners would fold up the waste paper in their trays, making it convenient to dispose, and what they haven’t finished, they throw go dispose of in the wastebins by themselves. The two are simply are not the same level of people.

Furthermore, some Chinese men lack a sense of independence, only knowing how to revolve around girls, living like a super nanny. I feel they don’t have a self, sticking their thoughts on girls all day. Getting on the bus, they scramble for a seat, then busy themselves trying to give it to a girl, not caring about the elderly or children beside them, that I am embarrassed to sit down. This kind of men I also look down upon, revolving around their girlfriends before marriage, revolving around their wives after marriage, revolving around their bosses at work, and revolving around the kitchen after work. No thoughts, no temper, my god, I would be afraid of the son I have with this man being like his father, a model citizen so obviously cultivated by an authoritarian country. What girl does not like a man with personality and courage?

Western men were all raised in an environment of independence. They have independent thinking, not like Chinese men, who are parrots. Take my schoolmates for example. When the government talks about Japan and China’s good bilateral relationships, they like Japan. When the government promotes nationalism, they shout about attacking Japan. Each and every one of them are brainless, played like monkeys by others, yet still thinking themselves to be high and mighty. The whole lot of them a bunch of “pig headed men.”

There are some things I cannot say in real life, so I can only say them online.

In summary, I simply want to marry a Westerner, at best an American, but European is not bad either. As for criteria…I am not very demanding, it is no big deal even if his education is lower than mine, and no specific requirements about his work…isn’t the monthly salary for washing dishes at McDonald’s over a thousand USD? This can still allow him to buy a car and house. If this isn’t possible, I will just find a divorced man and be willing to be a stepmother. Besides, Western children have a strong sense of independence, at least they will not let me always clean up after them and cater to their every whim, right? If even this is not possible, Japanese or Korean men I would also consider, I would even consider marrying a Korean or Japanese. At worst, they will not cook for me. No matter what, I just want to leave the country and go to the West, if not for freedom then for money.2

I admit I am very worldly, but I don’t consider my thinking to be wrong. I am not hurting other people, I just want to live a better life, whether it is materially or culturally. I watched an American show “Desperate Housewives.” That quiet village, clean streets, green lawns, and elegant, polite neighbours, and I knew, that is the kind of life I want.

This story has actually been on the Chinese internet for some time, maybe a year. It will occasionally reappear and there will be new comments by netizens who have not read the story before. Copies of the original Chinese can be found on Xinhua and Baidu.

Notes:

1 She used the words 老外 [lǎo wài] and 西方男人 [xī fāng nán rén] here interchangeably which literally mean “old foreigner” and “Western men” respectively. I consistently used the word “western”, although “老外 [lǎo wài]” of course would theoretically also include Korean or Japanese. But it is usually applied to Westerners or countries with a similiar political or cultural system.



2 The original Chinese words used were 选票 [xuǎn piào] and 钞票 [chāo piào] which mean “vote” and “banknotes” respectively. They both end in the same character, literally saying “voting slip” and “money slip”.

Comments from Baidu:

Clever, very clever!!! Only one sentence, nothing more to say.

First: With this kind of mindset, even if I was rich I would not want.

Second: This kind of female, is suitable for being a walking corpse [rotten, useless person]

Third: Counting three generations upwards, your ancestors were all peasant farmers. According to your thinking, all of your male ancestors would never be able to get a wife, so please tell me where did you come from?

Fourth: After letting the dogs fuck you ten thousand times, let then every Japanese do you. Go become a comfort woman for the Japanese.

After reading that, I am speechless. But I forced myself to write a reply, for the dignity of Chinese men. I tried hard not to immediately curse you, but in the end I cannot stop myself. You are simply a woman who did not get enough dick in your last life, what damn qualifications do you have for scolding Chinese men, including all the men in your family, and of course your own father. I imagine your dad would be pissed to death after reading this, and even if he did not die, he would become an idiot because your dad is also a Chinese man. You have grown up wasting how much of the country’s resources, and have you made just one day’s contribution to the country after graduating? Instead, you deny/reject your own ancestors, you “white eyed wolf” [someone who bites the hand that feeds her]. Had he known you were like this, your dad should have held back three seconds so he could ejaculate onto the wall instead, to save me from being pissed off today because of you, wasting my time to replying to this post.

Everyone has the right to choose their own life. As a Chinese, her being able to write out all of this is also not an easy thing to do, so it is possible that Chinese men really have let you down. I don’t know if you wrote this post in one go, I think it is not bad, and demonstrates your writing talent. But have a closer look at your essay: Everything you know about what is outside of the country comes from movies and media. I don’t know whether you are still studying or already working, but I want to say that nothing in the real world is absolute. Where there are good people, there will also be bad people; this is a very balanced world. Furthermore, have you done the calculations? How much wealth can you create? Everyone is clear about what they want, especially someone who has received higher education like you. Marriage is not like dating, marriage is even less a joke. Who do you think would look for a recent graduate who, other than being well-educated and pretty (this is what you said, I have never met you), cannot create any value? I say this without implying anything else, only wanting to say that if you want to reach your goal, should you not first consider for a moment where your own worth is?

Having your own dream is a virtue. For human being, he (she) has even more charm. But the form of this kind of dream must have a kind of self-sketched ability, and not something that goes by the book. This dissertation/thesis is a bowl of “hui guo rou” [a Chinese dish of recooked pork].

What a lamentable person! What reasons caused this outcome? This is a problem worth pondering by every Chinese person!

I neither support or am against your thinking. Everyone has the right to choose their own life, just like those in the red-light districts working the night shifts. They themselves are very happy, they do not have to do anything, yet they can get anything. From their perspective, I can understand them. After all, there are people in this world who have self-respect and self-love, and those who wallow in degeneration, and can sell their dignity and soul to chase material comforts, people who live life one day at a time.

Everyone has their way to find happiness, it does not need to be the same.

But I still want to ask you, do you believe in lifelong love? Although I have not found it, I believe in it!

Comments from 6park:

Continue your daydreaming! A foreigner would not give money to you!

He thinks it’s his money. If you want to spend money, earn your own! Haha…

Don’t get upset. Put her abroad for five years, and then let her see whether foreign men or Chinese men are good. She still has this good image about abroad like from the early 90s.

Obviously, this woman has never seen real foreign men.

Support! That’s a girl with a strong character.

Foreign men also drink, gamble and go to prostitutes. Them having money doesn’t mean that you can spend it.

Trash woman.

See more views on love and marriage by Chinese women and netizens:

Images: These images are not of the author. I am not sure if the author added the pictures to her original post or if other netizens added them when they reposted her essay. Some of the pictures were stupid so I did not include them here but I include two. One is extra – Fauna.