‘Our Focus Is On Platforming,’ Executives Repeat


BROOKLYN, NY—Speculating that it could refer to some aspect of their website or possibly the sales or advertising department, employees at Convergence Media said Thursday that the word “platforming,” which executives have reportedly used numerous times over the past few weeks, can’t be good. “They sent out this company-wide email that said we’re going to start embracing ‘platforming’ and become a ‘leading platforming company’ within six months—no way that’s not terrible for us,” said Convergence project analyst Joseph Bevan, adding that although he has also overheard the word being employed by senior management in the hallway on at least five occasions, it has yet to be expounded on or put in context by anyone at the company. “I don’t know if or when they’ll reveal what ‘platforming’ is, but I do know for sure that it’s going to make us utterly miserable, take over our lives for the foreseeable future, and probably get a bunch of us fired.” At press time, management sources confirmed that “platforming” would not at all be good.