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Guys ask on r/BisexualMen how they can find other people with whom they can explore their bisexuality. While most of the time its men seeking a first experience with another guy, it can also be about exploring sex with women or people of other genders. While gay men know the world of hook-up apps for men, many bi guys might not be. Also, for bisexual, pansexual, and polysexual men, there are options that are more interesting for us than for monosexuals (folks attracted to a single gender). This post is a brief guide to the most interesting options to get started. You must be at least 18 years old to use these apps. Also, I’m in Montreal, so the size of the userbase for each app in your area might differ.

Quick pointers

Have good photos. Smile on them. The more photos you can put up, the better.

Mention early on in your profile what will make you stand out. What kind of person do you hope will contact you? Put forward your qualities and interests that would grab their attention.

State clearly what you are looking for, but don’t be a jerk about it.

Read people’s profile and mention something that you liked from it when you message the person.

Take the initiative and message people who catch your eye. Ask open questions that give them a chance to talk about themselves. Reply including some information the other person can engage with.

Do not send a pic of your junk unless the person told you they’d like to see it. It won’t take you long on hook-up apps to see why that’s a problem.

The male hook-up apps

These apps have many similarities. They are for men: some are more trans-friendly than others, but they acknowledge little gender diversity. They show you a grid of guys near you that you can contact. They allow profiles without a face pic unlike most other dating apps, which discreet/closeted guys might appreciate.

Grindris the inevitable one, as it has the largest userbase of all hook-up apps for men. Most guys who are into guys end up on Grindr at some point or another. It’s meh for trans men and it has a reputation for being toxic, but you can meet good people on there still. It has a filter based on “tribes”, but it lacks features that set it apart for bi men.

Scruff also has a large user base. It’s geared towards hairier guys and people who like them, but not exclusively. It is friendlier than Grindr (for trans guys too), but expect some toxic stuff still. It’s more interesting for bi guys than Grindr, because you can tag yourself as bisexual and filter to see other guys who have done so.

There are more options with smaller userbases; they might be dead unless you are in a major U.S. or world city. Jack’d is known for being friendlier to people of colour – racism on male hook-up apps is a major issue – and people can select (and filter) a “bi/straight-curious” scene. Hornet adds a social media feed; you can hashtag yourself as bisexual and search by hashtag, but no bi guys were online in my area when I scoped the app out. GROWLr has a larger user base; it caters to hairy, bearded men (“bears”) – even more so than Scruff – but it has no bi-friendly features.

The dating apps

These apps are more dating-oriented, but many people use them for hook-ups also. They are not restricted to a single gender, but some are more gender-inclusive than others. Typically, the app presents you with a person’s profile, and you swipe right or left (or a variation on that) depending on whether you’re interested in them or not. When the other person also likes your profile, the app notifies you that you matched, and you can strike up a conversation. Unlike male hook-up apps though, face pics are usually mandatory.

Tinder has the largest userbase. Straight people use it the most, but there are people of all sexual orientations on it, and it has inclusive gender options. You can set the app to show you people of all genders, but Tinder tends to throw a truckload of women at you and few other people when you do that though. It makes attempts at inclusivity, but it wasn’t built from the ground up for that. Tinder lacks features that let you focus on people with similar interests and values, or other bi people also.

OkCupid has been friendly to bi and non-monogamous people from the get-go, and it has a large user base. It has a matching system in which you answer multiple-choice questions in an attempt to match you with users who have similar interests and values, and you can write detailed profiles. Like Tinder, it throws more women profiles at you than anyone else when you indicate your interest in multiple genders (it’s gender-inclusive). You can hide your profile from straight people if you’re worried about outing yourself. Although there are many search filters, you can’t filter for specific sexual orientations.

Hinge lets you put up your answer to three different questions that are a way of letting people know something about you. Their shtick is that people can like a specific answer or photo, providing a conversation starter and more to go on than profiles on Tinder. It’s gender-inclusive and it gives you a good gender balance when you tell it you’re interested in everyone. It’s reasonably well-populated also.

Feeld and #openembrace people attracted to multiple genders, and they offer many gender and sexual identity options. Many people seem there because they want to explore their sexuality. They have features for couples and make it easy to look for a threesome, although a single person looking for just one other partner is fine also. Feeld seemed more populated than #open in my area.

BiCupid is exclusively for bi people.You’re unlikely to encounter biphobia or be outed, but you won’t be able to meet gay or straight people through that app; it also lacks gender-inclusive options. Despite the similar names, it is not affiliated with OkCupid. BiCupid limits a lot of features for non-paying users though: you can’t be the first to message another person, and you can’t restrict the search radius to less than 320 km (and profiles are not sorted closest first).

Bumble is similar to Tinder, except only women can message men first; it also has a feature for people looking for friends rather than dates. It did a better job at showing a good women to men ratio, but it didn’t seem as populated as other Hinge or Feeld in my area.

This should give you an overview of apps that are worth checking out for a bi, pan, or polysexual man. Although the hook-up and dating scenes have moved to apps in this day and age, there is something to be said still about meeting people the good old-fashioned way: in person through social activities. This is a topic on which I’ll expand in an upcoming post.

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Check out all Sex Ed for Bi Guys posts here, including articles such as Dating men, women, and nonbinary folks, Butt sex 101, and Sexual consent.