As Catholics worldwide mark October as a month to “Respect Life,” one Paulist priest told congregations at Chicago’s Old St. Mary’s Church that November could be an appropriate time to “Respect Death.”

Fr. Robert Cary addressed end of life care during homilies at all weekend masses at the South Loop Church; he also hosted a follow-up discussion in the parish hall that will be repeated later this week.

“If we are brought into life by love and sustained in life by love, then we should leave this life in love and care,” Cary said. Though he served Old. St Mary’s from 2007 through 2010, he is visiting Chicago from his current Austin, Texas parish to address questions of human life, medicine and advance care planning. Cary completed graduate work at Loyola University-Chicago in bioethics and health policy.

Our tradition affirms what we so often already know in our minds and feel in our hearts. If a proposed treatment will have little benefit, it is okay to stop.

His sermon on the topic, seldom directly discussed in the Church, began with remembrances of voice messages left by those killed in the September 11th attacks. “There was hardly anyone calling to express anger or hatred or resentment,” Cary said. “Those messages remain a powerful reminder that in the darkest moments, even facing death, the human urge is to love.”

That urge, he said, is a reflection of the commandment expressed in the day’s Gospel reading: the call of Christ to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Such love should be expressed to family members throughout their lives and serious illnesses, and Cary asked parishioners to consider how best to do so when situations are dire.

“Our tradition affirms what we so often already know in our minds and feel in our hearts,” he said. “If a proposed treatment will have little benefit, it is okay to stop.”

However, stopping treatment does not equate to a cessation of care. Cary suggested core tasks for both the dying person and for family members.

Core tasks of family

Providing physical comfort and presence Allowing the dying person to go on with simple pleasures Fostering hope and faith Facing own fears and feelings of helplessness

Core tasks of dying person

Asking questions about the meaning of life Reconciling with family and with God Accepting physical limitations Respecting death in faith

“We, too, need guidance in respecting death,” Cary said; such guidance was the purpose of a following presentation about the interaction of the Catholic faith and medical realities.

Cary’s discussion aligned bioethical principles of autonomy, non-maleficence, beneficence and justice with what he labeled “Catholic values” that must be considered when making any end of life care decision: the respect of life, the preservation of life, the diverse and changing essence of human life, and human life’s social nature.

He called on participants to differentiate ordinary and extraordinary medical care, acknowledging that the labeling of specific treatments is difficult and technical. Instead, Catholics could check instincts, recognizing that what care is required is care that is morally ordinary. Such care “gives reasonable benefit to a person without excessive burdens,” Cary explained.

Providing morally ordinary care requires an acknowledgment of the finite nature of humanity, he said, and Catholics should know that it is okay to let a loved one go. “Allowing someone to die is not the same as intending death.”

Fr. Bob Cary will repeat his presentation, “Care at the End of Life,” on Tuesday, Oct. 28th at 9:15 a.m.

Fr. Bob Cary suggests the following resources for Catholics considering end of life care: