Shop Owners Begin Installing Spikes To Prevent Beto O'Rourke From Perching On Tables, Countertops

U.S.—Owners of coffee shops, cafes, and other eateries across America have begun placing Beto O’Rourke-deterring spike strips on tables and countertops to discourage the Democratic presidential candidate from leaping onto surfaces to deliver inspiring grassroots campaign speeches.

“We were getting a lot of complaints from customers,” said Hannah McClary, owner of the Cheesecake Nook in Brookings, New Hampshire. She claimed that Beto had left footprints in customer’s desserts on more than one occasion. McClary and other shop owners shared a concern that O’Rourke’s habit of roosting on eatery surfaces could lead to even more unsanitary situations like nest-building and molting.

In response to the growing concern of Beto and other pests alighting on establishment surfaces, bird control spike manufacturer Bird-X released a larger model of their popular stainless-steel pigeon deterrent spikes that have a contemporary stylish look that fits in well with modern cafe decor. “Our Beto Control Spikes® are a 100% effective, maintenance-free, and permanent solution to pest candidate infestation. Install Beto Control Spikes® on common speech-delivering surfaces such as counter edges, ledges, window sills, fireplace mantels, chimneys, or anywhere Beto-roosting and nesting are a problem,” said Bird-X CEO Phil Larson.

Beto Control Spikes® are available in a variety of sizes, are easy to install, require no maintenance and can easily solve the growing problem of troublesome candidates who have an innate desire to perch where people eat.



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