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I have three children. We have a TV set in the house, and the kids watch TV a lot. They’re even watching it as I type this. Now, I know damn well these kids shouldn’t be watching TV. There’s NOTHING they can watch on TV that would be as good for them as reading a book, or running around outside inventing games to play, or doing a craft project with popsicle sticks and a ball of yarn. In an ideal situation, we wouldn’t have a television at all.

But we do have a TV, and the reason we have a TV isn’t because the kids want a TV but because I want a TV. I like watching TV too much to do the right thing and banish TV from our house forever. In fact, I kinda want to buy a second TV, so that the kids can fuck off downstairs to watch their own lame shows while I watch awesome shit like Breaking Bad. And half the time, I justify this choice to myself by arguing that A) People who don’t have TV are tight-asses, and B) Maybe TV is good! That disclaimer before Max & Ruby says it teaches kids about social and ecological development! That sounds good, right? Besides, I’m not some crazy person who lets their kid watch TV eight hours a day. That would kill them.

Of course, those are cheap excuses. The bottom line is that I’m unwilling to do what’s right for the greater good because I take far too much pleasure in indulging myself. And that is pretty much the same explanation for why no one is doing much about guns in America.

If you’ve ever fired a gun, you know that it’s fun. And if you’ve never fired a gun, well, then I suggest you get your ass to the local shooting range, because you’re missing out. I went to a bachelor party once and we went to a gun club and threw down $100 each (while shitfaced) to fire four different machine guns and a Desert Eagle, which is the biggest, clumsiest handgun in the universe. The Desert Eagle is so dangerous that the instructor has to warn you to lift it as you’re firing so that the recoil doesn’t send the butt of the gun back into your skull. You don’t even need to be shot by the thing to be killed by it. Regardless, when my friend took that gun in his hands and fired it, causing all of us to say, in unison, HOLY FUCK!, we weren’t exactly voicing our disapproval of this nation’s handgun culture. It was a blast, and I’d happily do it again if offered because this is America and you can do such things. If it all suddenly went away tomorrow due to new gun laws, I don’t think I’d bat an eyelash. But since it’s all still perfectly legal, I’m happy to indulge.