It happened in a dream but I knew with absolute certainty that this had nothing whatsoever to do with dreaming. This was more real than real life ever was and far more serious. There was this black mass of formless, dense energy that pulled me out of the world as I knew it, dragged me into some other dimension and then tried to kill me. I had no idea how to get out of there and back into this reality here that we all know and usually spend our lives in. Even though this happened while I was asleep, I knew this was nothing like a dream, and not even like a nightmare. It was real and I was fighting for my life for real. I knew without a doubt that I was about do die as this black mass pushed me down and begin to suck the life out of me.

It started in my sleep as a normal dream. I dreamt that I stood next to my ex-boyfriend. We were hugging and it was this beautiful hug where no words were needed, for there was so much love and understanding in that simple hug. And then this black mass struck directly in-between and tore us apart. My ex disappeared and it was as if I’d woken up. Everything around me looked like it normally would. My bed looked like my bed and my bedroom looked like my bedroom but then there was this black mass of pure evil that attacked me and pinned me down to my bed with incredible force. I couldn’t see it but I could feel it on my back and sense its presence all too well. Its grip was relentless and it was just about to kill me.

I frantically started to bang on the wall to my parent’s bedroom and scream for help in absolute terror. Only, no sound came out of my mouth and the banging could not be heard. I realized then that this was not a reality I knew, and that it was also not a dream, at least not in the usual sense of the word. It was some new dimension I have never experienced before and I had no idea how to handle it or get out of it. No one was able to help me since no one could hear me and I had no idea where I was or how I got there. I was on my own and the realization was as sobering as it was terrifying.

It was very much like Freddy Krueger’s nightmarish attacks but this was not a movie, it was a dreadful reality. I struggled to “wake up” even though I knew I was not asleep, but that was the best I could come up with as a means to escape. I don’t know how I eventually managed to do that; after an incredible mental effort, I felt as if I was going through a tunnel and then all of a sudden I was awake. Really, truly awake, back in this reality here.

Again, everything around me still looked like it did in the “dream.” My bed looked like my bed and my bedroom looked like my bedroom, nothing really changed but the fact that the black mass was not able to follow me. I knew, though, that it waited for me in some kind of a parallel reality and that the escape was just temporary. As soon as I’d go back to sleep, it would get me.

It was 4 a.m. and I was sitting in my bed breathing heavily and with my heart just about to jump out of my chest. I was terrified and there was no way I would go back to sleep again. Ever again, if it were possible. I knew all too well that this was not nearly the end of it.

I wondered what would happen if the thing succeeded in killing me. Would they find my lifeless body and attribute my death to a sudden unexpected nocturnal death syndrome? Is that what happens to the people who mysteriously die of unknown causes?

The horrible reality was that I would have to fall asleep again sooner or later. There was no way I could stay awake for more than a couple of nights before collapsing from exhaustion and then the black mass would strike again. I was certain of this and had no idea where to turn for help or how to prevent it. That thing came from the world I knew nothing about.

When I tried to talk to people about what happened they all had the same response — it was just a nightmare and with that, they brushed it off. Only one friend took me seriously and was worried about me. It was comforting to know that at least someone didn’t think I was crazy or overreacting to an “ordinary” nightmare. My friend didn’t know much about the occult, though, and the best she could do was to recommend having holy water and Bible in my bedroom.

I had no idea how to get holy water — do you just walk into a church and take it? Who do you ask when you’ve never had anything to do with churches your whole life? Nowadays, if you ever need it, the Internet offers a wealth of information on how to prepare your own holy water, but that was in the pre-Internet era and I was completely lost. Furthermore, I was raised in the spirit of science, had no interest in religion, thought magic was something only primitive people believed in, and I’d never even heard of the astral.

Under the circumstances, though, it became clear that science and the voice of reason were of absolutely no use to me. I was so thoroughly spooked out that I was prepared to do just about anything to get myself out of the predicament. At that point, I really couldn’t care less about anyone else’s “reasoning”. I needed help, I needed it badly, and I needed it now. I managed to get a Bible and placed it on the nightstand.

I fell asleep that night and it happened again. The thing was waiting for me and it was as eager to end me as before. Obviously, the Bible could not prevent this from happening or maybe this was also due to my lack of belief in it. But then something weird happened. As I was struggling with the thing that again pinned me down to my bed and was just about to kill me, I felt the love for my ex-boyfriend and a real, true love it was. At that moment, my love looked like a flash of white light so bright and strong that it overthrew the thing and I came back to this reality with a sense of awe. Awe at what I did, awe at what effect it had, awe at how humbled I felt, and awe at the strength of pure love.

The thing only returned once more after that but I dealt with it straight away. Now, I knew how and it never bothered me again. I don’t know if the Bible had anything to do with it and I’m still not religious in the traditional sense. Through the years, however, I did find a lot of wisdom and comfort in reading it and other sacred books.

I realized how the common atheistic worldview often turns science into a form of religion and can be limiting, dogmatic, and full of prejudice. The experience forced me to question the nature of reality and I now understand that mystics and shamans can have a much better grasp of it than many of the scientists. This, however, does not at all mean that I find no value in science, quite the contrary.

I, however, now understand that science does not have all the answers and it would be wise to take that into consideration before claiming, for instance, that God does or does not exist. Scientifically as well as philosophically speaking, the only truly objective answer to this is we do not know. We don’t even know what the term God actually means. Both options are thus possible and putting one’s faith into either one of them is nothing but a form of belief.

We should not limit our mindsets in terms of possibilities. Experiences such as the one I had are not all that rare. Not much is known about them, though, and I suspect that this is so because they challenge our normally accepted view of the reality and because those who dare to speak about them are rare.

The fear of being seen as a crazy person or an attention seeking liar is too strong and quite valid. It also hard to explore and measure such occurrences with tools that are currently available in science and it’s thus much easier to simply ignore them and comfort ourselves with a warm cup of tea and a belief that there is something wrong with people who experience such things.

What if this is not so? Do you dare to accept the possibility?