INFPs are congenial types. Soft-spoken, intelligent, and introspective, they make deeply loyal and caring mates. In fact, they have one of the highest capacities for love and devotion, making them extremely attractive to most every personality type. That said, there is a perpetual war going on inside of the INFP between the head and the heart. Physical beauty in both their environment and in their mate of choice can pull them like a magnet. They crave meaningful relationships with insatiable yearning, and hope, like anyone, to find that special someone. But then the rational side of minds creates is a sense of uneasiness within them—that the lofty notion of love, while sounding nice, is too good to be true; that they will have to pay the penalty at some point for their bliss.

Despite all of this, the INFP usually has little trouble once they commit. However, getting there is difficult. In fact, many of their problems with romance can be summed up in a single sentence:

The INFP struggles with initiating romantic relationships.

Before the INFP can act on their feelings, their minds swirl with every possible outcome—every situation, positive, negative neutral—being with that person could create. Their vivid imagination, something they so often rely on in their creative endeavors, is of little help when it comes to love. It often runs amok with scenarios that might never happen. Fortunately, this rarely bogs them down for too long, and given time, they ultimately make up their minds. However, when they finally do decide, the prospect of being emotionally vulnerable—of sharing their rich inner world and being rejected by someone they care about—can be so daunting it leads to inaction. So they often sit and wait, dropping hints to the person they might be interested in, hoping for a signal or some sign from heaven to move ahead.

On the flip side, it can be especially exasperating for those pursuing an INFP, for they sometimes seem oblivious to romantic advances. While the INFP may be oblivious (or simply disinterested), this usually this is not the case. INFPs tend to be excellent at reading the emotions of others. But when it comes to romantic relationships, they are not the most adept at expressing themselves verbally. Unfortunately, there is no real way to know if they are or are not interested unless you ask them. Be aware that if you do ask them, prepare to wait for an answer. It does not always mean no, it just means you might have to be patient while they sort things out.

Once in a relationship, the INFP might puzzle their mate. Coupled with their powerful emotional framework comes a curiosity, creativity, and adaptability that, believe it or not, causes dissonance inside of them. Their interests and passions ebb and flow like the tide. Thus, they are rarely certain with the trajectory of their lives, especially in terms of occupation. Inevitably, this restlessness spills onto their loved ones. If paired with a less than understanding mate, it can turn into an area of sore conflict. Fortunately, the INFP is typically very flexible and highly concerned about their partner’s wellbeing. As long as their ideals are not violated, they usually are able to collaborate with their loved one in such a way that pleases both parties.

The INFPs giving nature is especially evident in terms of the bedroom. Pleasing their loved one physically is often the reward in and of itself. However, true to their idealistic nature, they are often innocent concerning sexuality. They believe it should an act of love. Recreation is fine and good, but more often than not they want sex to be a time of bonding. When paired with a less soulful type, they can often be disappointed in the lack of intimacy, but usually are able to find connections elsewhere. It is in a deep relationship that INFPs find sex most satisfying.

For the INFP, it may take some time for them to develop a bond with someone. But once that bond is forged, their loyalty for their mate knows no bounds. They give themselves, body and soul, to their partner. That said, breakups and divorce can be devastating for the INFP, especially when it is someone to whom they have given their whole heart. They do not give love haphazardly, but hold onto their hearts until they see someone as worthy of their affection. To them, to give love is to share some special secret, only between them and that other person. And when that person breaks the bond, they feel not just a sense of loss, but deep-seated betrayal, often taking years to fully heal.

In the end, if you are pursuing an INFP, remember to be patient. They often take awhile to make up their minds. Speak up; let them know how you feel. If they need to step away for a time to process what you have said, do not be offended. Be careful with their hearts. Do not jump into a relationship with them unless you are certain you will be committed.

For the INFP, it is good to avoid spending too much time considering possibilities and options instead of acting on them. Trust that your congenial personality, your willingness to work through conflict, and your self-sacrificing nature will win the day.