Civilization labored for centuries to bring us the perfect pairing of golf club and golf ball as we know them, surpassing discarded variations such as twig and boulder and tire iron and disco ball. Swing harmoniously toward the heavens with today's Groupon: for $18, you get a TopGolf playing card, which includes $50 worth of games on a tracking-chip-enabled golf range, free club rental, and use of the putting green at TopGolf Alexandria (a $40 value). The sessions can be redeemed all at once or across multiple visits.

TopGolf combines the CIA's award-winning microchip-espionage technology with a tricked-out driving range to please iron-clubbers year-round. With a TopGolf playing card, you'll get 20 golf balls per game ($3–$6) and, if needed, free loaner clubs to aim toward specific targets in the range or at imagined coworkers in your mind. A microchip implanted in each golf ball carries a signature that is unique to you, so TopGolf's system can track how far your ball flew and exactly how close you got to the flagstick every time. TopGolf compiles all scores to post daily rankings on televisions throughout the facility, giving players a chance to finally reveal the cool code name they've been doodling on notebook covers since childhood. The TopGolf playing card records your stats and keeps track of how many games you've played, so you can play all your games at once or come back multiple times to spread out the sessions.

Guests can feel free to round up some golf-happy buddies for a lively competition or compete against themselves and wager a rent payment, wedding ring, or industrious nephew. Though not included in today's Groupon, friendly servers gladly bring food and beverages to your golfing suite, or you can take refuge in TopGolf's clubhouse café for creative snacks and drinks after a taxing day on the covered, climate-controlled green.