Scrolling through Facebook a few weeks ago, I came across this photo on a friends’ page:

Now this was my kind of coat! But… NastyDress? What the heck was NastyDress?

Intrigued, I clicked on the link– Yep. It was pretty nasty, all right. Most of the dresses would get a girl arrested for indecent exposure if she were to wear one of them in public.

But when I looked at the coats and sweaters, I found plenty of options I loved. And the prices were AH-MAZ-ING.

Tops were $10 – $15! Sweaters were $15-$20! And coats were all under $40!

Even though NastyDress is located overseas, the site offered free shipping- or expedited shipping with a tracking number for just $1.20. Yes. You read that right. $1.20. It all seemed like it was too good to be true– But I filled up my virtual shopping cart just in case! Then I did some research to make sure this company was on the up and up.

I was dubious and disappointed when I couldn’t find a single independent review of NastyDress online. What was up with THAT?! But after much searching, I finally found a blurry shot on Instagram of some clothes on a bed with a caption that read: “My package from NastyDress arrived.”

This questionable image (and the fact that NastyDress accepts PayPal) was enough to convince me to place my order, because…

YOLO.

Then, since I am a very private person, I shared my news on Facebook. Immediately, my friends jumped on the news. A long discussion on all things NastyDress ensued in the comments. What was this NastyDress of which I spoke? Could those prices seriously be legit? Would I please, please, please report back on my findings when (AND IF) my NastyDress package arrived?

Well, friends, after about two weeks of anxious waiting, my NastyDress package has, indeed, arrived. On the plus side, it was shipped via DHL with a tracking number, so I was able to monitor where it was, from Singapore to Hong Kong to Ohio, and when it would get here.

On the minus side, it was missing two items from my order. One of those items has since shipped, but via an unknown carrier, so I can’t track it. No word on the other.

However, here’s what I can tell you so far:

First, let’s look at the gray coat- My most pricy NastyDress purchase.

I felt like I couldn’t go wrong with what NastyDress called a woollen gray coat. I carefully consulted the NastyDress size chart, converted the centimeters to inches, re-measured myself, and ordered a size large instead of my usual medium.

When the coat arrived, it looked a little different from the photo- My ‘woollen’ coat was actually… fleece. It was cute, though. Anxiously, I tried it on.

Uhhhhhh. This coat clearly was not going to work on me. Not only was it cut for a person with no boobs, the sleeves ended far above my wrists. I checked the label again. Size Large. Size Large?! “Size large for KIDS, maybe,” I snorted. And that’s when it hit me.

“Punky!” I called downstairs.

“Yes, Mom?” my ten-year-old answered.

“Come here!” I shouted. “I have something for you.” My daughter came upstairs and grinned from ear to ear when I asked her to try on the coat.

“I love it!” she squealed after checking herself out in the mirror. And I had to agree. It looked far better on her than me.

“Okay, you can have it,” I said. She jumped up and down excitedly.

“Thank you, Mom!” she said. “I love it so much!”

“And you should probably stick around for a bit,” I said, eyeing my NastyDress pile suspiciously. “You might end up with a few more things.”

For one thing, there was this “Elegant Dress.” Looking at this picture, I thought it would be super cute with leggings and boots, and once again, I had ordered a size up, just to be on the safe side. I found it in the pile and tried it on.



The hell?

The photographer, i.e. my daughter, was laughing a little too hard at my misfortune.

How could this possibly be the dress I had seen in the photo? The “skirt” portion was only about two inches long! The only explanation was that the model was the size of an American Girl Doll!

“Here. You try it,” I muttered after I had removed it, tossing it to my daughter.

This was so totally NOT FAIR. So far, Punky: 2. Lindsay: 0.

I had high hopes for NastyDress’s “plunging neck” top, but when I pulled it out of its plastic packaging, I realized that once again, the sizing was way, waaaaay off.

The neck wasn’t exactly plunging — and it was a lot shorter on me than on the model in the picture. Surprise, surprise…

It also had holes in it and random strings hanging from the sleeves. FAIL.

My daughter, on the other hand, thought the top was fabulous. She clipped the strings, sewed up the hole with a little needle and thread and wore it to school the next day. DAMMIT.



“Don’t look so smug, Punky,” I told her. “I’m pretty sure I’m keeping this “loose-fitting dolman sleeve sweater.” It definitely looked bigger than the other tops, and I’d had visions of wearing it over a pair of leggings or skinny jeans.

Wonder of wonders, the sweater fit! But on me, it settled in an unflattering spot on my upper hips, like a sweatshirt. It wasn’t very flattering.

Still, I was determined to make the best of the bad situation! IT FIT! IT FIT!

“Can I try it on, too, Mom?” Punky asked. I hesitated for a moment. The truth was, if I had tried this sweater on in a store, I would never, EVER have bought it.

“Okay, Punky,” I sighed. “Let’s see how it looks on you.”

Of course, it looked fabulous. OF COURSE.

The sweater was added to Punky’s pile. My situation was looking dire.

My final item was this pretty red ‘Leisure Knit Coat.’

Is this not a fantastic head-to-toe look? I pinned this photo, I liked it so much. The coat was simply awesome.

Until I put it on.

Cute, but… On me, the coat was a shrug. That model had to have been, what…. THREE FEET TALL?!

I took it off and handed it wearily to my daughter without comment.

Life is so not fair!

Oh, come on. Do you HAVE to kick a mom when she’s down?!

This was so not okay.

“Take the clothes, AND GO,” I said in a strangled voice. My daughter had a whole new fashionable wardrobe. And I? I had nothing. Nothing.

“NastyDress,” I whispered. “How could you?” And then I threw myself on my bed and cried for the rest of the day.

In closing, I heartily recommend NastyDress to all of you who are no larger than a girls size 10/12, who don’t mind if your new clothing arrives with holes in it and (lots of) random strings hanging from the seams, and who understand that the photo of the garment you’re ordering is just a vague approximation of what it will REALLY look like — if you were to put it on a doll.

You should also know that there are a lot of different websites out there that appear to be part of the same company, and offer the same exact clothes– SamiDress.com and DressLily.com and RoseWholesale.com, just to name a few. Singaporean readers have informed me (over and over and over again) that NastyDress.com is registered in China, but all of my clothing came from Singapore. What does that mean? I have no idea.

The bottom line is that the next time I have a hankering for cheap clothing at rock bottom prices, I’ll hit up Forever 21.

My daughter, however, has added another item to her Christmas list: MORE CLOTHES FROM SINGAPORE!

Does Santa take orders from NastyDress? I guess we’re about to find out…

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