Gather around boys and girls, it’s time to hear the story of Matt Fucking Bush.

Mr. Bush will be the inaugural CTI Certified Legend, a series we will do to highlight the incredible lives of some absurd human beings that help our count to infinity go by a little faster. The individuals we will be celebrating are legends in their own right, people who lived their lives in such a way that demands our attention. We can’t promise that these legends will be good people, but what we will promise is that they will all have a story that needs to be heard and a legacy that will live on even when they’ve stopped. Enough with that, let’s hear the wild and tragic story of Matt Bush.



Mugshot of Matt Bush, taken by the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office (Florida).

“With the first overall pick in the 2004 Major League Baseball Amateur Draft, the San Diego Padres select . . . Shortstop Matt Bush from Mission Bay High School in San Diego, California.”

Beating out twelve players who would later be honored as MLB All Stars, and two future American League MVPs selected in the first two rounds alone, Matt Bush stood alone as the first selection in the 2004 MLB Draft. Hailed as one of the best prospects ever to come out of high school, Bush was a true five-tool player. At shortstop he had Major League defensive potential and the batting numbers to back it up, leaving high school with a .450 batting average. As a pitcher, he was already pushing 94 on the radar gun, more than enough arm to play shortstop in the show. Unfortunately, before he could make his professional debut Bush was suspended for getting in a bar fight in Arizona, something that would become a bit of a habit for our hero. Once the suspension was lifted he produced a lackluster season in low level minors batting just .192 in the shortened season and starting a tumultuous path through the minors. He continued to struggle for the next 3 years producing little at the plate when he could get to it between injuries. At that point the Padres decided to move Bush to the mound to test the true strength of the cannon he had arrived to the league with. That part of Matt Bush, fortunately, still worked and it worked better than ever with his fastball now touching 98.

Bush, now primed and ready as ever, took the mound and started mowing down the opposition, he was on his way to the Show at last. That is, until he tore his UCL, a pitchers kryptonite, now he would need to get Tommy John surgery and miss another full year of action. This is where our hero’s story truly turned to legend. He would be designated for assignment in early 2009 and his life began to spiral out of control. In one of his most memorable ventures, Matt Bush was arrested outside Granite Hills High, for drunkenly assaulting two lacrosse players. According to the report, Bush PICKED UP AND THREW one of the players (yes, he threw a human being, not threw something at him, threw HIM) and hit the other, all whilst screaming “I’m Matt Fucking Bush!!!” Legend.

Of course if he still had the arm strength to toss a lacrosse player, he had the arm strength to play in the MLB, at least that seems to be what the Toronto Blue Jays thought when they signed him to play for their team. One caveat to the contract however, he would be held on a zero tolerance policy, any more incidents like this one and he would be cut from the team. In his best efforts to comply with these regulations, less than two month after signing, Bush was accused of throwing a baseball at a woman’s head during a party. Despite not being arrested for the incident, the Blue Jays decided that a man with a fastball approaching 100 miles per hour using that tool to attack a woman’s face area was enough cause for them to remove him from the squad. Bush was cut from the team the next day, he would not play baseball for the rest of the 2009 season.

By the 2010 season it seemed as if our hero was turning his life around, so the Tampa Bay Rays decided to give him another shot at baseball with a minor league contract. The rays used Bush as a relief pitcher in the minors from 2010 through 2012 with no notable issues and enough production to get him promoted to the Rays top Minor League team in AAA. Those years aren’t why the Legend of Matt Fucking Bush exists though, so we’ll brush over them and get back to the ridiculous stuff. In 2012, after 3 years without a drink according to his father, Bush was found at the center of a DUI, Hit and Run incident. Bush, sporting a .180 percent blood-alcohol level when they found him, was accused of hitting a 72 year old motorcyclist, causing him to fall off his bike which lead to Bush running over his head with his car without braking or slowing down at all according to a witness. As if that’s not fucking ridiculous enough, Bush did not have a license or even a car at the time, his father said he must have borrowed one. Oh, and Bush apparently didn’t even remember seeing a motorcycle, let alone hitting one, when questioned. Fortunately, the victim was wearing a helmet and survived the incident although in terrible condition. That’s a 72 year old man surviving getting his HEAD RAN OVER BY A CAR, holy shit, what a badass.

Of course, Bush was sent to prison for this, he was sentenced to 51 months for DUI with great bodily injury, and is still not allowed to drive legally in Florida. He was released on probation in October 2015. At this point Matt’s career took him to a job in foodservice. That wouldn’t stop our hero though, he still had a rocket arm and major league ambitions, so he called some teams and set up a tryout. The only holdup to this plan was that Matt was only allowed to travel from his home to his job after his release from prison, so naturally he decided to host the tryout in the parking lot of his place of work, Golden Corral, yes the chain restaurant. For some reason, the Texas Rangers actually showed up to see an MLB washout try to regain his former glory in a parking lot in Jacksonville. Against all odds, this strange tryout actually worked and the Rangers signed Bush to a familiar zero tolerance contract. In 2016 Bush pitched in a professional baseball game for the first time in 5 years, allowing one hit and earning a save.

Later that year, on May 13th, 2016, our hero finally did it, at 30 years old he made his major league debut, 12 years after being the first overall pick, selected one pick before Justin Verlander (While Matt F. Bush was off cementing his legend status, Verlander had won Rookie of the year, AL MVP, AL Cy Young, earned 6 All Star nods, and thrown 2 No-Hitters, he would also win the World Series in the following year. Tough to say which of these early 2004 draft picks was the better choice . . .) Two days later he earned his first Major League win in that game Rougned Odor punched Jose Bautista right in the fucking face, crazy stories seem to just travel everywhere Matt Bush does.

Thats the end of the Matt Fucking Bush saga, at least for now. He is currently back in the minors after another injury, but working towards a return. Is Matt Bush a good person? No. Is he a terrible person? History seems to suggest that he is. Is he a legend? Damn straight he is, regardless of the quality of his person, Matt Bush has lived a life that absolutely qualifies him as a legend. His story will never not be absolutely insane and it should be spread as far as possible, that’s why we’re happily inducting him as the first CTI Certified Legend.

Love, Matt Greg

TL;DR: Matt Fucking Bush was an MLB shortstop prospect who beat up some kids while shouting “I’m Matt Fucking Bush” and ran over an old guys head with his car, then tried out for a Major League Baseball team in a Golden Corral Parking lot as a pitcher and somehow actually made it. What a fucking legend.