First Date

It's been a week since the festival, and every day I since then, I found myself spending more and more time with Yuri. It started with just the reading in the club. Then when she told me she ate lunches alone, I made a point to seek her out and spend time with her. At first, she was really apprehensive and almost embarrassed. I think she thought that I was hanging out with her out of pity, as opposed to the truth: that I enjoyed her company. After a while, though, I could see the walls she put up slowly yet surely come down. Every day was another brick taken away. Every hour, she would smile one extra time. It came to the point where we were quite comfortable conversing with each other, and I looked forward to spending my free time discussing the latest novel, or engaging in a philosophical debate with her: things that several weeks ago, I would never imagine doing, but here I was, enjoying myself. So I asked her out on a date. Just a day over at my house. Nothing extravagant or exciting. Just a day spent enjoying the company with someone else. I was surprised at her sudden enthusiasm when she accepted my request, only to see her recede back into embarrassment. God that was so damn cute...

The day of the date came, and I was just waiting around my house, anxiously pacing around, from my bedroom to the kitchen, back to my bedroom, to the bathroom... My heart was beating quicker than normal, and I've been unable to distract myself with my usual past times. I was so nervou–

*buzz buzz*

My stomach did a flip within me as my phone vibrated dangerously close to the edge of my desk. I lunged towards it to see a single text from Yuri.

"Hello, I'm outside your house now."

Even when texting, Yuri uses perfect grammar and diction. I'll work on that later. I shot her a quick text saying that I'll be there in a second before rushing to the bathroom to make sure I looked okay. Hair looked fine, my clothes were clean, okay... Why am I so nervous? We talk to each other every day now. I walked over to the front door. Pausing, I took a deep breath. I swung open the door to a wonderful sight.

"H-hello..." Yuri blushed, holding her hands nervously over her chest.

I stood there awestruck by the elegant figure before me. She was wearing an outfit I'd never seen before. She donned an angelic white long sleeved shirt underneath a simple denim jacket. Hugging her long legs were black yoga pants, and she wore a simple set of casual shoes. And of course, her gorgeous violet hair flowed down her shoulders and along her back like a waterfall.

"U-um."

I realized I had been staring and had not uttered a single word yet. Reality crashed back down and I snapped out of my mini trance.

"H-hey! Sorry I uh...zoned out for a sec," I managed to stammer, still soaking in the sight before me. "Come in, make yourself comfortable," I said with a smile.

My heart was really pounding now, I couldn't stop looking at her.

"Thank you," Yuri still visibly embarrassed, delicately steps in.

As she moved past me I couldn't help but smell the gentle scent of lavender and...is that jasmine? I shut the door and turned around to see Yuri stiffly standing there fidgeting with a lock of her hair.

"S-so! I got a couple of the books you recommended me, and uhm I got some movies... my parents aren't home for the weekend so we can really do whatever we want, ahaha."

Yuri's eyes lit up when I mentioned the books.

"You did? I...I'm really glad you're actually interested in my novels."

"Of course I am! I really enjoyed the Portrait of Markov, and I felt myself craving more after we finished reading it together, so I thought about the suggestions you gave me and got a couple of them." Yuri smiled faintly to herself after hearing this.

"That's great. It's really nice to feel appreciated like this..." she looked into my eyes, "there's just one problem."

"Eh? What's wrong?" My heart skipped a beat.

"It's just that, I've read all those books already. I wouldn't mind re-reading them, if it's with you, of course."

Shit. Of course. I'm such an idiot. She recommended those books because she had read them; that's how she knew they were good. I knew she'd be content reading them again with me like how we read the Portrait of Markov, but I really wanted today to be special for her. Maybe the movies I picked out can save this situation.

"Oh! Well, luckily I picked out a couple movies that my parents had stowed away. There were a couple mystery films and a horror flick. Oh, and this one is about a sociopath serial killer..." I shuffle over the DVD's I had placed on the living room table.

"It's been a while since I'd last seen a movie, and the serial killer movie sounds quite intriguing."

Yesss. I knew she'd be interested in that one. She appeared to be lost in thought as if speculating the possible scenarios that the killer could be subjected to, or how he viewed the world without the quality of empathy.

"Awesome, yeah let's watch that one then! Just gimme a second to set everything up." I kneeled in front of the dvd player and got everything running as Yuri walked into the living room and tentatively took a seat on the couch.

As the television flickered to life and the main menu sequence began to play, I got up abruptly.

"Hey, Yuri! Before I start, do you want some tea?" I had bought a full tea set and watched some videos on how to properly brew tea. I'm still learning, but it's better than nothing. I really wanted to impress Yuri by getting into her passions.

Yuri tilted her head at me with a surprised look, "O-of course! That would be delightful."

I headed into the kitchen and took out the still new tea set. It was a cheaper one I found online, but it was still a proper tea set nonetheless. As I went through the meticulous procedure of crafting the tea, I couldn't help but notice Yuri peering at me with an intense expression defining her features. I wondered if she noticed me watching her doing the same motions that I was a week ago... I shouldn't be distracting myself like this, I might burn myself or ruin the tea. I focused on completing the objective.

Having finished the tea, I filled two teacups for the both of us.

"Your tea," I imitated the line Yuri uttered just one week ago, causing her to giggle.

I handed over her tea and set mine on the table. I had another surprise for her. "Stay right there, I gotta grab something real quick," I said as I walked away. I heard her quietly comply, and I made my way over to my room. I grabbed a newly bought essential oil diffuser, not unlike the one Yuri brought here a week ago, and returned to the living room. As I made my reentry into the living room, I noticed Yuri hastily rolling down her sleeve before shooting me a small smile. There it is again, I vaguely remembered her doing something similar last time I left her in a room alone. I was curious but I couldn't possibly think of what it could mean.

"You're back! What did you need to retrieve?" Yuri asked quizzically.

"Huhu, remember when you brought the essential oil diffuser for the festival?" She nodded as realization dawned on her face.

"Y-you didn't really-" she began.

"Yes I did. I enjoyed it so much that I had to get one of my own."

I placed the diffuser onto the coffee table, between the couch and the TV, and switched it on. After a couple seconds, mist sputtered out of the top before it became a continuous jet of lovely jasmine. Pleased with myself, I grinned and looked at Yuri for a reaction. To my surprise and confusion, she shyly looked away, angling her head in such a way where I could not see her face past her hair.

"Sh-shall we begin the movie?" She stuttered, shakily placing her tea on the coffee table.

Did I do something wrong? I thought she'd be thrilled to see that I enjoyed her passions. I was utterly confused.

"Uh yeah! Of course."

I hit play on the remote and sank into the couch next to Yuri, though we sat a solid foot apart from one another. This was not going how I expected at all. As the intro scene played, I kept thinking about what I could do to make Yuri more comfortable with my presence, and what I did wrong to make her recede back into her shell. My thoughts were interrupted however, as Yuri suddenly spoke.

"I'm cold," she said matter-of-factly.

Before I could respond, Yuri scooched into me so that her entire side was touching my torso and she rested her head on my shoulder. Shocked, I stiffly rotate my arm around her, resting on her shoulder, as that was the most natural position.

"That's better," she sighed.

At this point I can hardly focus on the movie, despite the interesting plot and constant death. Yuri was literally snuggling me. Half of my vision was a beautiful shade of purple as if I were laying in a field of orchids. The scent of her hair was overwhelming my thoughts. Lavender and jasmine... the mist made the air thick and heavy. My heart was pounding so fiercely that Yuri probably could've felt the pulsation against my chest. If she did, she made no indication of knowing. We sat still like that for I don't know how long. Our breathing synced over time, our chests rising in tandem with each other. My muscles relaxed and I soaked in the moment. I wanted to stay like this forever. I glanced down at Yuri once more. Wait. What is that? I saw a sliver of red on her left sleeve. Almost like a pool of ink spread across paper.

"Hey, uh Yuri?" I break the silence between us.

"Yes, what is it?" She responds.

"I thought I saw...blood on your sleeve. Are you hurt?"

I could feel Yuri's entire body suddenly stiffen in response to my question. She abruptly jerked herself up straight and turned away from me, once again hiding her face.

"Yuri, if you're hurt I need to kno-" I cut myself short.

Her entire body shuddered, and she was taking large uneven breathes. Was she...crying?

"Yuri..." I reached my hand out and gently touched her shoulder.

"WHY?" She spun around sporadically.

As she turned to face me, I could clearly see the tears. Hey eyes were becoming redder, and there were unmistakable wet stains on her face.

"WHY ARE YOU SO NICE TO ME?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" She shuddered once more and looks down, letting her hair fall over her face.

I grabbed her shoulders firmly and looked directly into her eyes. "Yuri. I'm nice to you because you deserve kindness. I'm nice to you because I really like you."

"Y-you can't...possibly...think that." She voice cracked in between shaky breathes. "N-nobody treats...me like...that...I don't deserve...any of this."

I was taken aback. I knew she didn't have many friends, but I never thought she was so starved of kindness that she didn't trust anyone who offered it to her. I pulled her into a hug, awkwardly embracing from our twisted sitting position on the couch.

"I do think that. And I love everything about you. From your intelligent debates, your visceral poetry, to your unusual hobbies...everything." Her arms were still stiff to her sides. "Yuri...I love you."

"You shouldn't" she whispered.

Despite that, I felt her arms raise, weakly returning my embrace.

After staying like that for what felt like an eternity, I suddenly remembered the question that led up to this moment.

"Yuri...your arm."

Yuri slowly released me and I did the same. Looking at her arm now made my heart stop. The once black sleeve was now entirely stained a crimson hue. I stiffened at the sight of it. I got up immediately and ran to grab the first aid kit, while Yuri stared into the distance vacantly.

I hastily returned, the kit already open, and I searched through it's contents while I walked. I selected gauze, tape, and medical scissors and tossed the rest of the kit, spilling it's contents on the floor. I swiftly made my way to Yuri and knelt in front of her on one knee, struggling to unroll the tape. Yuri was still looking blankly at the wall, even as a tear dropped from her chin and dampened her leggings. She didn't notice and made no attempt to wipe her face. Without awaiting a response, I gently held her hand and slowly rolled up her soaking sleeve. My gut wasn't ready for the sight that I witnessed. Two wide, deep, ugly gashes greeted me as I rolled her bloodstained sleeve up past her elbow. There were numerous thin red lines tracing up her arm in a chaotic pattern from previous scars. Her forearm was covered in both dry and wet blood, and one of the gashes still bled slowly, creating a gentle stream of blood. Holy hell. I didn't ask any questions, and I proceeded to bandage up the biggest threat, the still bleeding wound right past her wrist. I cut up the gauze and tape and placed it over the cut. As soon as the cloth touched her opened skin, Yuri's hand grasped mine, and she grit her teeth, breathing in sharply. This made wrapping the gauze much more difficult as I now only had one hand to work with, but I didn't say a word. After the bandage was set and the bleeding stopped, I moved onto the next cut. Finishing both of them was a hastle, as I had no medical experience, and Yuri still held one of my hands hostage. She was gripping my hand so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. Now that her injuries were as properly treated as I could manage, I decided to question her.

"How did this happen?" I ask softly.

Without a word, and without releasing my hand, Yuri reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a sheathed knife. She gingerly placed it on the table and firmly returned her hand to her lap, balled tight in a fist. This knife was different from the one I saw before. The other one was a folder while this one was a fixed blade. The handle was grooved as if the surface was studded with diamonds, and the blade itself was a stonewashed grey. The sheathe was made of leather and blood stained the edges of the lining.

"Did you...do this to yourself?" I asked.

"MC, I have to tell you something. Something I haven't told anyone," she said, quietly.

I simply nodded and squeezed her hand. I needed her to know that I was there for her. That she could trust me.

"Sometimes...when my emotions get too strong, and I don't know what to do...I-" She took a shuddering breath. "I cut myself."

My mind suddenly returned to a poem she wrote last week. The Raccoon. It suddenly clicked and I understood. I sat silently, lost in thought.

"Y-you hate me," Yuri said, almost as a whisper.

I move over and sit closely next to her on the couch and embrace her once more.

"No. Yuri you're wrong," I said, "I still love you, and I'm here for you. Just please, please, stop hurting yourself."

She looks at me with disbelief through her glossy violet irises. The tears returned, but before they left her eyes she leaned forward and kissed me. Her lips were soft against mine. The kiss was gentle, yet deep. Her bandaged arm felt scratchy as she wrapped it around my neck, and I slid my hand up her back to hold the back of her head to kiss her more passionately. Her scent enveloped my senses and the feeling of her lips against mine caused a shiver like a bolt of lightning went through my body. I felt her tears hit my face as our tongues danced, and we fell sideways onto the couch. Finally, we broke apart, gasping for the humid jasmine scented air that we were deprived of. Our chests rose up and down as we laid there, staring into each others eyes. Her silky hair fell messily over her shoulder and rested on the floor. Our legs were intertwined and our arms clutched each other as we attempted to regain our breath. My vision was blurry. I wasn't sure if it was the jasmine oil, or the lavender in Yuri's hair, or the fact that we just kissed. Everything happened so fast. All I knew was that I never wanted to leave her. I never wanted her to be hurt again.

"Hey, MC." Yuri spoke softly.

"...yeah?" I responded.

Her violet eyes were reddened and puffy. They searched into my soul, looking for truth.