PHOTOGRAPH BY MARK WALLHEISER / GETTY

MOBILE (The Borowitz Report)—A rally featuring a racist speaker Friday night in Mobile attracted a crowd of just twenty thousand people, widely considered a disappointing turnout for a racist event in Alabama.

According to racist event planners in the state, a crowd of twenty thousand would rank the event as one of the smaller racist rallies in Alabama this year.

Organizers of the rally were quick to defend the size of the turnout. “There is always a lot of competition for the racist audience in Alabama,” an aide to the speaker said. “There were other racists speaking at other venues in the state Friday night. Plus, a lot of racists now prefer to stay at home and stream racist content on the Internet. Given all the options available to racists, I think twenty thousand is a solid number.”

Harland Dorrinson, a longtime racist event planner in Alabama, disagreed, claiming that the size of the crowd was more reminiscent of non-racist events in the state. “You go around spewing hatred every chance you get, and then you only draw twenty thousand in Alabama?” he said. “The people who organized this event need to sit down and figure out what went wrong.”