So, there's a story out there that definitively states Jeremy Clarkson has quit Top Gear, and that it's over.

He hasn't and it's not. At least not yet.

The conclusion is based on allusions Clarkson made in his weekly Sun column.

You can sign up to read The Sun column yourselves (first month's free, so you can read and quit before you get charged) or you can Google and probably find it reprinted on any of eleventy-four trillion forums.

Whatever, the part that has everyone saying it's all over is this analogy Clarkson draws to the way people try to mobilize to save endangered species—a nod to the petitions started in support of him:

The fact is that you can start as many campaigns as you like and call on the support of politicians from all sides, but the day must come when you have to wave goodbye to the big monsters and move on.

He goes on to confirm his suspension and says he won't discuss what happened then or speculate on what's to come because he's fed up with it all and the rest of humanity likely is, too.

Anyway, back to the bullshit drama that is, "OMG! CLARKSON REALLY QUIT!"

First, he didn't. He colorfully alludes to perhaps doing so. But there's no announcement here.

Second, it doesn't matter. You know why? Because whether or not the three remaining "postponed" episodes of Top Gear ever air, Clarkson's contract—along with May's and Hammond's—is up at the end of the season anyway.

So, whether Clarkson quits now, or the BBC opts not to renew him, it's the same difference. And really, penning a career eulogy for Clarkson now is just about the stupidest thing ever.

Because if you think that, say, a Rupert Murdoch won't basically offer him (and Hammond and May) roughly the GDP of Lichtenstein to take their petrolhead party over to a rival net like Sky, you are not paying attention.

Jeremy Clarkson, contrary to what all the hysteria would suggest, has everyone right where he wants them. If he quits now? He's a free agent. If, following its Official Fracas Inquiry, the Beeb doesn't re-sign him—bingo! He's still a free agent.

He is a valuable asset with a massive, baked-in audience.

The BBC, for all its talk the last several months, will machine-gun itself in the foot if it doesn't swallow hard and re-sign Clarkson, and May, and Hammond.

Top Gear is a cash cow. Top Gear without them, and Clarkson especially, would NOT be Top Gear. It'd be the equivalent of Top Gear Poland or Top Gear America, only with British accents—a pretender that wears the uniform but fools exactly no one. That includes advertisers.

And no, if Clarkson bounces to another network to start another car show—with or without his current co-presenters—it wouldn't be Top Gear, either. But in that case, it's just semantics, because the BBC controls that brand. It would be the show that everyone tuned into.

Is Jeremy Clarkson a dick? Maybe. Probably. It doesn't matter.

Jeremy Clarkson has already won.

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