Photographer Soraya Zaman has spent the past three years traveling across 21 states in America, to photograph and interview transgender individuals in the cities where they currently live. The result is a book, American Boys, published by Daylight, which will be out on 2 April in the US and on 19 April in the UK. The book captures the trans experience, in the words of trans people.

Jimi

Age 27

Richmond, Virginia

Nine months on testosterone

“I grew up in the ’hood of Richmond and we didn’t really have much but we always knew we had each other. Home of the brave, land of the free … maybe if you’re rich and have status. Not everybody has equal rights. It’s not just the transgender killings, especially of trans women of color, but also with police brutality and murders, coming from where I come from, being African American and being Dominican as well, knowing that struggle coming into my own struggle within me, instead of being scared, I decided to stand up and fight for what rights I have as a human being. My parents and grandma always taught me to treat people equally and I stand up for the LGBTQ community of all colors.”

Emmett

Age 23

Provo, Utah

Two years on testosterone

“My parents came home and caught me kissing my girlfriend in my room. My dad kicked me out of the house and I never saw her again. I was allowed back home, but from that day forward my parents treated me differently. So I decided to put on the role being a straight woman and I thought to myself, maybe if I go on my mission, God will take away all these feelings and I’ll be ‘normal’. I went on my mission and it was awful, I loved my mission, but being in a skirt every day and having to be called ‘sister’ – it wasn’t good. When I was preparing to go home, I was so depressed, because that meant I was supposed to get married in the temple to a man and start a family. It made me sick to think about it. I was trying so hard to be faithful and do what’s right and I was miserable. I fell into a very deep depression. It got so bad I tried to take my own life. It was my gay uncle who helped me heal. He called and talked to me every single day and told me to not do anything I was going to regret and that I have a life to live and I can be happy. I finally saw my bishop and came out to him as trans. He told me to spend the week dressing and presenting as I wanted to. So I dressed like a boy and didn’t wear makeup, and that whole week I didn’t have suicidal thoughts. That week I felt myself be happy. He said, ‘How you lead your life is between you and the Lord.’”

Yves

Age 22

Bemidji, Minnesota

Nine months on testosterone

“Half my family is Ojibwe Native American and the other is strict Pentecostal ultra-conservative Christian. When I first came out as gay, it was confusing because I was still attracted to guys but I would be disgusted when they were attracted to me. So for a long time I considered myself as agender and not attracted to anyone. Then I realized that what I was really feeling was that I couldn’t handle guys being attracted to me and perceiving me as female, that’s what it was. I wanted them to see me as male. It was a very confusing lot of years. But now I know who I am, I am a queer trans man. And it feels really good to finally feel comfortable saying that. Another really difficult part of my transition was that I never thought I could because I’m chronically ill, I have a rare blood-clotting disorder that can be best described as ‘rusty veins’, which makes my blood want to clot everywhere. I didn’t want to come out and truly accept I was trans in my heart and then not be able to transition because of my illness. That would have just crushed me, so I just denied it to myself for a long time thinking, ‘It’s not going to hurt if I don’t let it happen.’”

Chella

Age 18

Brooklyn, New York

Three weeks on testosterone

“I grew up in central Pennsylvania and it was rough. I couldn’t find people I connected with as a transgender and genderqueer, deaf person of color. When I was 16, I came out to my family and friends as pansexual queer and gender fluid. Later that day, I went to the haircutters with my friends and chopped off my long hair, but I didn’t realize I was trans masculine at the time. My pronouns remained ‘she/her’, and I identified as a queer girl. When my mom would ask if I wanted to be a boy or a girl, I wouldn’t know what to say because I thought that by saying ‘boy’ I would be forced to leave most of my feminine traits behind, some of which I still connected with. But at the same time, there were so many characteristics associated with ‘boy’ that I connected with as well. I struggled with how I was supposed to just choose one, without losing bits and pieces of myself in the process. Then I came across this term ‘genderqueer’ and it was like fireworks shot through my mind. This is how I’ve always felt. When I started to associate myself with the term ‘genderqueer’, I felt pressured to use ‘they/them’ pronouns, but that made me feel uneasy and it really didn’t feel right. Male pronouns, ‘he/him’, felt right for me despite identifying as genderqueer. But in this discomfort something clicked for me. I realized that the way I present myself to the world as a trans masculine person, my mannerisms, the clothes I wear, the pronouns I choose, etc, are not the same as how I identify on the inside. It’s such an important realization. The way you present does not have to correlate to your inherent identity and this is valid.”

Gabe

Age 23

Brooklyn, New York

Six months on testosterone

“From the age of about four to 10, I was convinced that I was a boy and that I was being dressed up by my parents every day to go to school as a girl. I would tell all my friends that when I get home, I would take off my girl skin-suit and be a boy. I saw girlhood as more of a costume and that I had been given this identity that I had to bring to school and that is what I would tell people.”

Ethan

Age 2o

Covington, Louisiana

Eleven months on testosterone

“When I started testosterone, it was like going through puberty all over again but at the same time, I feel like I lost 19 years of my life. I’m trying to understand how to move, how to live, where to go, how to go about things, how to talk to people. It’s not just a whole different chapter, it’s a whole new book. You get rid of your old life and you’re turning it over, because you realize that was fake the whole time and now you finally get to be real and you’re like … what do I do and who is that?!”

Benson

Age 22

Springfield, Oregon

Three years on testosterone

“I grew up with lesbian parents, I never thought it was strange or unusual or different. My junior year of high school, my dad (who is my birth parent) started transitioning from female to male. I did a lot of research for him, mostly about top surgery. It was the first time I had really learned about transgender people and it was really possible to transition. I started watching as many YouTube videos as I could. My dad started hormones, and in my senior year of high school, he got top surgery. I was the only one with him, so I took care of him, emptied his drains, etc. In the midst of all this, I knew that top surgery was also my number one priority. I wasn’t necessarily into taking hormones at the time, I was just thinking about having surgery on my chest. For a few years, I just identified as a lesbian because I didn’t want people thinking I was copying my dad or trying to get attention, or that he has anything to do with me feeling the need to transition, or any of those delusional but worthy thoughts. It was hard to break away from that thinking, but I did because I needed to. I knew none of those thoughts were real, so if anyone else thought that way, then that was their problem. I am so grateful to be able to transition and for finally feeling happy in my skin and not caring what anyone else thinks.”

Amari

Age 33

Mount Dora, Florida

Three and a half years on testosterone

“When I decided to transition, my daughter was five, my middle son was three and my baby was one. When I sat down with my daughter to tell her, I asked her to tell me exactly how she felt and to not hold back. I told her ‘My body looks like a woman but my brain is not a woman’s brain, I feel like my brain is a man’s brain and my heart is a man’s heart. I want my outsides to match my insides. They have a medicine I can take that will make me the man I know I am.’ She asked me what the medicine does and I told her it was going to make me look like a man, my hair and my voice, it’s going to change, etc. I showed her some examples of before-and-after pictures of people who have transitioned. She said, ‘OK well … I’m not going to call you Papi until you look like a man.’ I said laughing, ‘That’s fine, you don’t have to call me Papi ever if you don’t want to, just do whatever makes you feel comfortable.’ She asked, ‘Is it going to make you happy?’ and I told her it’s going to make me more than happy. ‘Well then do it!’ she told me. Within two weeks she was calling me Papi and my other kids followed suit. It was awesome.”

Chase

Age 34

New York, New York

Seven years since starting on testosterone, but not used consistently.

“I’m a staff attorney at the ACLU national office and work on the LGBT and HIV project, and have for almost five years, doing litigation and policy advocacy. I litigated the Chelsea Manning case against the Department of Defense concerning her healthcare. I represented her on her hormone case and worked closely with her commutation campaign from August 2013, when she was sentenced, until she got out. I also do a lot of public education and writing because it feels like the real path to creating lasting substantive change. Our success in the courts is not going to happen unless we shift public conversation and deepen people’s understanding of what it means to be trans and how to center trans bodies. I think there is such a fear of the trans person who doesn’t have genital dysphoria. Those who actually embrace the idea of the woman with a penis or the man with a pussy or the person who identifies as neither but is comfortable with their body parts not lining up. There needs to be a centering of this part of who we are and an acceptance that this is also attractive and desirable.”

Dominic

Age 18

Houston, Texas

Nineteen months on testosterone

“I’ve always felt that I am a boy trapped inside a girl’s body, and when I was 12, I wrote my mom a letter to tell her. Since then I’ve kind of been going it alone in terms of my transition. I got my mom’s consent and with help from my girlfriend, who encouraged me to start my transition, we did everything possible to make it happen, from finding a doctor and therapist to paying for my hormones. I really want to get top surgery and am trying to raise the money through crowdsourcing to pay for it. It would mean everything to me to be able to get top surgery as I can’t be fully happy as I am now. I feel like my life is on hold; I can’t go swimming, I can’t go to the beach with my friends and be comfortable. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt is that you have to go for the things you want for yourself and push yourself. It can take time and you just have to be patient. So much about transitioning is being patient.”