Dear President Cannon,

Heck, I can probably call you Ms. Cannon. We’re on pretty casual terms here, aren’t we? There’s been a bit of a hubbub lately about this $8.1 million dollar renovation that has been going on in the Admin Building. I understand you, and Bob Ellard, along with the rest of the Power Rangers have been defending it quite ferociously. I hope you will take the time to listen to a student who, while admittedly smarmy thus far, has enough control over her temper to fashion out a well-reasoned argument that I hope will sum up the feelings of my fellow students.

Here’s the thing, Elizabeth. I’m a third/fourth year Communication Major. I did the first half of my degree at Red Deer College and was fortunate enough to have amazing professors who really made the local community college experience something that I was, and still am, proud to speak about. I was thrilled by the prospect of coming to University of Calgary to finish my degree, as it seemed time to spread my wings and flex my toes a bit. I don’t want to say my initial semester here was a disappointment; it wasn’t. But, let’s face it: There are a few cracks and crannies in the foundation that need to be addressed.

We’ve all seen the pictures of the theatres with the duct taped stairs. This wasn’t done out of some homage to Red Green. Those stairs really do have duct tape on them. In some of the theatres there are mysterious wires just hanging out by the stairs, threatening to grapple at your ankles and send you tumbling backwards to the ground. Well, ha ha, I guess not threatening to grapple at your ankles, per say. I’ve actually tripped on those wires before, and as someone with a partially fused spine and a chronic pain condition, I must tell you that the landing was a bit rough. Fortunately, my dignity padded the fall and I came away with only some superficial bruising. Good thing too, because, ha ha, that would be a lawsuit waiting to happen, don’t you think? By the way, this was in one of the theatres of the Admin building, the same building which is now being renovated to improve the access to your new sanitation facilities.

By the way, did you know the bathrooms on the second floor of the Education building still don’t have gender signs up indicating which bathroom is which? Fortunately there are some delightful figures drawn on paper to help students out. I only feel the need to point this out because it is clear to me that the women’s bathroom was recently renovated (beautiful job, by the way). It just seems a shame they couldn’t finish up the little details. But then, you probably don’t need a woman figure to let you know which bathroom you get to use, do you? No, ha ha, no, that’s right…

Let’s see, where was I? Oh yeah, that box of magazines being used to prop that door open in that classroom in the basement of Social Sciences. What’s with that? I mean, all the more power to the University for finding a use for magazines that predate the Warring States Period (I learned about that in my COMS 301 class!) But I think it’s probably time to invest in a new door, or, perhaps, if we have it in the budget, a small wedge of wood.

Listen, Liz. I understand where you and the rest of the Mighty Morphin’ pack are coming from. I even agree to a certain extent. After all, we have to present a certain prestige to potential donors who may wish to line the University’s pockets with their hard-earned coin. It’s completely reasonable to expect that we show off our prestige via private ashwood stairs to ensure that Mr. Money Bags does not have to interact with the Plebs down below. However, I would question the worth of any money coming from the hands of a person who is more concerned about what size of bejeweled decanter his 21 year old Glenlivet is being poured from, and less about the quality of education the students who are attending the institution will receive.

Lizzie, baby, it would do you good to remember that when seeking funding to ensure that the University of Calgary can continue as a premiere research facility, just who will be doing the research. Who, you ought to be asking yourself, will be taking over as your excellent professors, that we are all lucky to be studying under, begin to retire? It may not fill you with much hope for humanity that a sarcastic student such as myself is ‘the future’, but I suppose just as the students must accept that the executive offices are larger than their allotted space, you must accept this attitude from those who will inevitably take over one day.

And speaking about attitude, may I suggest, as a humble Communication Major that you stop applying the Homer Simpson Theory of Modern-La-la-la-la-la and begin speaking to the ones who truly matter at the end of the day? (The students and the professors, just in case you weren’t entirely sure.) We are good people who have a right to be upset. Our concerns have been dismissed, we have been treated as second class citizens in our own University, and that doesn’t fill me with any sort of blossoming pride, especially when I have invested in University of Calgary memorabilia as Christmas Gifts for my family.

I suppose, at the end of the day, President Cannon, I would like my school to be recognized for the merits of its minds, not the lavishness of its loos.

Sorry, lavishness of your loo.

With great sincerity,

Kathleen Sawisky