All of this could be Zlatan's (lebristolparis.com) More

When a superstar player arrives in a new city, a pristine suburban McMansion is often thrown into the transfer deal. Since arriving in Paris in July, however, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has been living the Alan Partridge dream by taking up residence in a hotel.

The Swedish striker's temporary residence is Le Bristol, a preeminent five-star luxury hotel around 200 meters from the Champs-Élysées that has a history spanning three centuries. A night's stay will typically cost no less €730, and PSG's box office signing currently drops €3,000 a day to stay in his suite. Among other high-end facilities, the former presidential residence offers a hair salon for ponytail maintenance, a florist ready to prepare bouquets for insulted journalists, and two Smart cars should any other journalists need running over. As you'd expect from an accommodation fit for Zlatan, it's Tripadvisor rating is overwhelmingly "excellent".

The self-proclaimed legend and model/executive partner Helena Seger have been looking for property in the French capital, but if they cannot find the right place, the Ligue 1 star is pretty nonchalant about the idea of buying a 188-room eighteenth-century five-star hotel instead. According to Bild, he told French paper L'Equipe:

"We are looking for an apartment. But if we don't find anything, then I'll probably buy the hotel."

With a salary of €14.5m a year, this grotesque gesture isn't entirely out of the question, and it would sit nicely in his investment portfolio alongside his private island. But knowing Zlatan, he probably just wants to buy the hotel so that Pep Guardiola can't stay in it anymore.