Profession: The Apothecary

It was another ordinary day for Klaus, on his way to work. His days were all the same for quite some time, now. All day long, he was concocting potions of all sorts. His job was an important one as he was dealing with dangerous chemicals. But no one seemed to notice. No one seemed to care.

“Hi, mister Aufschneider! How are you, today?” said an old lady to him, passing him by. Acknowledging the greeting, Klaus looked at the old woman and forced himself to smile. He hated being called “Mr. Aufschneider”, because he knew all too well that deep down, the greeting wasn’t for him. It was never for him. Never about him. Looking right into the eyes of the old lady, Klaus recognized all too well the sadness and the disappointment that he was always seeing when he was being talked to by other people.

For quite some time, for quite too long, the good people of Visby have been mourning the loss of their beloved medicus, the most outstanding of his generation: Adalhard Aufschneider, Klaus’s father. Considered to be a real fountain of knowledge, Adalhard was hugely popular among the people of Visby. From dawn until dusk, he was always on call, always trying to help, always trying to heal anyone and everyone. Always available to everybody, the sole exception being his only son, Klaus. The latter was never important enough, never sick enough for his father to care about him and Klaus, over the years, couldn’t help but resent all the goodness Adalhard has done for everyone, except for him.

How ironic that the original “Mr. Aufschneider” was considered a father figure to most but couldn’t be bothered to be there when his own son needed him. “You have to understand…, Klaus’ mother used to tell her son. Your father is a very important man in this town. He’s a healer and he helps a lot of people. You should be proud of him, you know?” Proud?, asked Klaus to himself. How can I be proud of a man who is failing his son so miserably? Who is never there for me? Who doesn’t even seem to acknowledge my very own existence? No, I’m not proud of my father. At times, it just seems that I don’t even have one. When Adalhard Aufschneider died of a heart attack at the age of 57, the entire city of Visby went into deep mourning. Everyone was crying, offering condolences to his widow, telling stories of how wonderful the medicus had been to all of them. And then, they all started to look in the direction of his sole heir, looking at Klaus the same way than they used to look at Adalhard. Very quickly, Klaus understood what it was all about: they were expecting of him to magically turn into his father; to be him. But mostly, selfishly, they expected of Klaus to be there for everyone when they would need him; to be on call all the time, at the expense of his own life.

“I’m mourning a father I’ve never had because of you, said Klaus to himself, as the people of Visby were slowly making him understand what they were all expecting of him. There is no way in hell I’m gonna dedicate my life to a bunch of losers who never thought twice about robbing me of my own father.” But breaking free was easier said than done. Klaus’ mother, just like the rest of them, was expecting her son to be the second coming of her husband, to be as good, and to be the keeper of the family’s reputation. Desperate, Klaus tried to make his mother understand how he didn’t want to be a medicus; how he didn’t want to be his father. To no avail. If he didn’t want to be completely cut off from his family, Klaus would have to surrender himself to a life he never wanted; would have to be someone he despised. That very thought, to him, was simply unbearable. He would have to find a way to be his own man; to find his own path. Right or wrong, he didn’t care, as long as it was his own.

In some ways, the son turned into a similar version of his father. He was a gifted apothecary and word got out fast that the people of Visby were blessed, once again, with someone who surely would, one day, become the best medicus of his generation. Smiling, Klaus took all the compliments in silence, showing off what seemed like modesty but was, in reality, nothing but a cold determination to go all the way with his plan. “I am not my father, he kept saying to himself. You are not gonna control me. Ever. But I am sure about to control you. All of you. Just wait and see. You’re expecting a medicus; I’m deeply sorry but this is not what you’re going to get.” Klaus knew when the day would come for him to execute his plan. He chose the date: April 27th, the very same day when his father became a medicus. By a happy coincidence, it was also the day when the Mayor’s daughter was getting married. First he would need some ingredients (weird and disastrous). He was relying on one of his father’s poison formula. It has been a while since he started to collect them all. It was a perfect plan. Here’s a list of what he would need in a couple of days:

A little bit of mistletoe and barley

1 complete fish head

3 swamp roots

4 petals of jasmine

1 tablespoon of toad slime

2 tablespoons of honey (for sweetness)

1 bone

1 half cup of bat blood

7 green grapes (and not one more)

1 lobster (for flavor)

1 warm and dirty sock

Salt and garlic (to taste)

– Crush the mistletoe in a puree. – Mix it with the barley, the swamp roots and the bat’s blood. – Cook the head in hot water with the bone, the lobster, the sock and the toad slime. Season it with salt and garlic. Add the green grapes with a splash! (Really important step!) – When it’s cooked, add the honey and the jasmine for the sweetness of it. They won’t even know what’s happening to them 🙂

That day, he kept telling himself, he was going to be his own man. No more was he going to be a pale version of a man he had been resenting all his life, and that he came to detest in death. Adalhard Aufschneider has been a reputed medicus and scholar; his son was about to become a proud alchemist. During the wedding, Klaus managed to get into the reception hall, as servants were putting food and wine on the tables, before the newlyweds and their numerous guests arrived. “Hello, Mr Aufschneider, said the cook to Klaus. What are you doing here? Aren’t you at the wedding? -I was but I got word that somebody here was sick and I was just wondering if I could be of any help. -Somebody’s sick? I don’t know anything about that. Sorry. But feel free to go and ask around. -Thank you. I will do that. I wouldn’t want for anybody to get sick on this magnificent day. -That’s awfully nice of you, Mr. Aufschneider. And that’s just like your father, too. Missing out on a wedding as huge as this one just to help others. He was so wonderful… You sure were lucky as hell to have him as a father. -I sure was, said Klaus, forcing himself to smile once again. Trust me: there is not a son in this world who is more proud of his father.”

Free to walk around as he pleased, Klaus then took a small bottle out of his pocket and managed to drop a few drops in all the glasses of wine. “One magnificent day indeed.”, he said, breathing slowly. During the wedding reception, a few minutes was all it took. When the Mayor raised his glass to his daughter and his new son-in-law, everyone present imitated him and took a sip of wine. Standing in a corner of the room, Klaus was watching closely, silently. Taking deep breaths, he was feeling serene for the very first time in his life. “You’re about to meet the real Klaus Aufschneider, he said to himself. And I’m about to say goodbye to my father once and for all.” The pains started all at once.

All of a sudden, guests started complaining about violent stomach aches and nausea. Some people were throwing up and others were plainly passing out. “What is going on?! -Someone has been poisoning us! -Oh! my God! We’re going to die!” No one was about to die. Klaus was enjoying the sight of people suffering too much. Smiling, his hands in his pockets, he walked slowly toward the center of the room, a peaceful man in the middle of complete chaos. “Mr Aufschneider! yelled someone. Please, help us! You have to do something! Anything! The pain is unbearable.” Still smiling, Klaus took a good look around. Taking another deep breath, he didn’t look remotely concerned about the suffering of the people in the room. As his life was about to begin, he could feel the weight of his father lifted from his shoulders. “I’m not sure I can be of any help. I’m sorry. -What are you talking about? You’re Klaus Aufschneider! You’re a medicus! You’re Adalhard’s son!” Turning his back on all of them, Klaus turned around one last time and said: “I am nobody’s son. My father died, don’t you remember? By the way, I don’t think we’ve met. Where are my manners? Let me introduce myself: my name is Klaus Aufschneider. I’m an alchemist. Nice to meet you.” And then Klaus left. He never came back.