By: Ariaine

“We choose to stay because we are stories still going.” – Jamie Tworkowski; Founder of To Write Love On Her Arms

Do you know what you’re doing with your life 20 years from this moment? Do you have it all planned out? I can’t even count the amount of times I get asked questions similar to these two. The truth is, I don’t know where I want to be when I’m 40. I mean, I know what I want to happen in the next few years but I don’t want to have my whole life planned out before I can even legally rent a car. Like many people my age, I’m just trying to get through every day without wanting to pull all the fibers from my hair out. Let me tell you something… it seems to only get harder rather than easier.

Excuse me while I take a very deep breath before continuing on with this post… I struggle with mental illness.

The sad reality of it is that I’m not alone. Although I was diagnosed with mild depressive disorder and chronic anxiety at the age of 20, there are so many young people who are getting diagnosed with a mental illness before they even reach the age of 16. An article from Psychology Today stated that “five to eight times as many high school and college students meet the criteria for diagnosis of major depression and/or an anxiety disorder” (Gray). The even sadder reality is that people tend to just brush it off because either they think it’s all in their head or it’s just nerves. These individuals who struggle to fight this battle every day, like almost every college student, also deal with stress.

Ah. Even the word itself sends the moths in my stomach fluttering. Can you imagine living with a mental illness and being constantly stressed out? It’s a terrifying thought and the feeling, it doesn’t seem possible to explain the feeling.

But hey… that’s understandable. Maybe you are just nervous about that test you’ve been studying for or that speech you’ve been dreading to make. The stress and anxiety is all in your head, right? They shouldn’t affect your daily life if they don’t exist, right?

Wrong.

How do you even begin to explain how stress and anxiety really do exist? Psychology Today defines stress as a reaction to a stimulus. But what in your body causes you to react in this way? And how does that coincide with your mental illness? Who does it affect the most?

A survey conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 25% of the participants had reported they had extreme stress levels. But almost a third of the participants believed that stress was strictly psychological.

I was in my third year of college when I was diagnosed with chronic anxiety and mild depressive disorder over a year ago. I was prescribed 50 mg of Zoloft to help with both my anxiety and depression. I got my dosages increased maybe three times before it started impacting how I felt. I kept it all to myself though (and a few other close people) because I was always told that anxiety is something I don’t need to take medication for. Just recently I found the courage to talk about it with more than just the few people who knew. However, it took a trip to the hospital for me to open my eyes. I was always worried that people would look at me differently because I didn’t know how to be happy. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was able to put on a brave face for most of the day. During those mornings where it was so hard to get out of bed, I would find my very comfortable and favorite sweatpants (un)-matched with a baggy sweatshirt and I’d try to conquer the day. It wasn’t always easy though. I had this voice in one side of my head telling me that everything was going to be okay, that the day is going to be okay. Then on the other side, there was another voice telling me that the stress won’t stop and I will always find something to be anxious about.

I remember feeling like breaking down in the middle of class during a test because I felt so stressed out that I didn’t study enough. I would sit in my desk with the test in front of me, the silence filling the room, but my brain felt like the stock market was going to crash again. I’d find myself constantly staring at the clock and my legs shaking (trust me, you’re not alone on that one). After I handed in my test I would rush home. The weirdest feeling in the world would happen as I walked to my car after the test. Spaghetti noodles, that is what my legs felt like. They felt like they were giving up because I had shaken them so much. By the time I got home, I was so anxious that I hadn’t done enough on the test and I would try to calm myself down by putting on some cheesy romantic comedy film starring someone like Ryan Gosling. Maybe it’s his face that calms me or the fact that the film ends with a happy ending.



Sigh, I guess Ryan Gosling only made me forget the stress for a couple of hours because unfortunately, the stress that had built up leading to the day of the test was still slowly breaking down. And it would still be there by the time I were to go to bed. However, the next morning I would be completely okay.

Stress is such a weird thing. It’s really hard to explain and people will argue and argue with you that it doesn’t actually exist. They will argue that it’s all just in your head. I came upon a video from Dr. John Kenworthy talking about the effects of stress on your brain.. if you fancy watching it, you can find it here.

It’s definitely hard when your “support” system doesn’t show support. Whether it’s your parents telling you that you have nothing to be stressed about. Or older people in the line at the supermarket saying that you shouldn’t be anxious or depressed because you’re still young. Can I tell you something though? You’re not alone. Those people may not understand what you’re going through but there so many other people out there who know that feeling all too well and just like you, they’re scared the stress won’t ever stop. I still have doubts about the stress going away. I’m still slowly trying to conquer this battle as I like to call it. Now you don’t have to do what I do but when I’m really anxious and stressed out, there are a few things that I like to do. Like I said before, Ryan Gosling movies usually help with my anxiety as well as other romantic comedy movies. I like to take walks, my doctor suggested that I get out everyday for at least an hour because it could help calm me down. You know what? IT HAS! If you’re like me, introverted, awkward, and shy then you probably will feel uncomfortable talking about your feelings with other people. I know I do. If that’s the case, well this wonderful site gives examples of strategies that someone dealing with anxiety can use when it just becomes to much.

So I guess to end this (in the words of Pacey Witter) long-run on sentence… Please, please hear me when I say that stress is more than a figment of our imagination. It really does exist, just like mental illness. If we don’t knowledge ourselves with this subject, the mental health of many people will decline and let’s face it… the world would be a lot better if there were more happy people.