THE prime minister is not speaking to the people of Britain until they apologise, and is furious that they do not seem to have noticed.

According to Downing Street sources, the silence is set to continue until a particular, very specific apology has been received but it is up to the public to work out exactly what it is.

The source continued: “Apparently you’ve really done it this time.

“She is stalking around the place banging drawers, slamming doors and watching old Midsomer Murders with her arms folded in a very pointed way.

“And the fact that not one single person out of 65 million has so far spotted that they’re getting the silent treatment has made it much, much worse. She’s livid.

“All I know is that it’s not just the election, it’s the way the public have behaved or their attitude, or so I think she’s hinting. Anyway, we need a ‘sorry’ or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

Joe Turner of Canterbury said: “Oh, I know full well she’s in a mood. I’m just enjoying the peace and quiet.”