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You have to be extremely confident that you will never have someone else in your home if you feel safe writing "TOPLESS CONNECTION" on your mirror. If you do bring a topless dancer home and she sees that, she can legally kill you for being a wizard. This is such a humiliating and desperate act that typing it brought "Derek" to a rare moment of self-awareness. He wisely adds, "It is advisable not to tell anyone about your using this method to pick up topless dancers. There are scoffers and skeptics that may ridicule you and shake your confidence." So if you're wondering what it would take for a virgin author rewriting the same failed pickup guide for the fourth time, this time under a fake name, to feel something close to shame, it's writing "SEDUCE DANCERS" on his mirror to hypnotize himself into thinking a "very special Hot & Sexy topless dancer" wants to go out with him.

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This is an existentially troubling level of sadness. I'm actually worried that when we're all gone and our planet is nothing but insignificant debris drifting on cosmic wind, the only thing future beings will remember of us, the most powerful truth our civilization ever had to offer, is how Don Diebel couldn't get laid in a rubber butthole factory.

Seanbaby invented being funny on the Internet. You can make a TOPLESS CONNECTION with him on Twitter, or play his DANCER SEDUCING mobile game Calculords.

If you happen to find any of these books laying around, grab a lighter and burn 'em.

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For more, check out What We're All Getting Wrong About Pickup Artists and The Sad Reality Of A Christian Pick-Up Artist.

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