Just very recently we posted about James May’s latest run in with the law on his motorbike, and that he probably shouldn’t be called Captain Slow anymore because of his speeding ticket and also because of potential legal hurdles with the BBC. So we asked our Facebook fans what are some good alternate names for James May that he can use for his upcoming show, The Grand Tour, which premiers in Fall 2016. The suggestions were many and they were imaginative.

Let’s start off with all of the Captain and other military related rank spinoffs. They were great but we’re certain these will be off limits due to the similarity of it to Captain Slow:

Corporal Dithering Captain Fizz The Artist Formerly Known As Captain Slow Rear Admiral Slow Lieutenant Slow Major Impediment Captain Buffeting… Buffeting… Buffeting Captain Pedantic Sergeant Snail General Caution Captain Careful His Royal Slowness The Colonel Captain 1953 Able Seaman Cock Captain Cock Captain Oh Cock General O’Cock Grand Admiral “OH COCK” Whiffle Bottom

Then there were the completely different ones, and they were great too.

Mr. Geek The Retro King Fizz Pants Dazed and Confused (because “he looks quite like Robert Plant from Led Zepplin.”) Jammy Molasses May The Pacemaker James McJamesFace Helium Foot Eeyore Turtle The Professor Professor Corduroy The Glacier (They move slow) Continental Drift (Really Really Slow)

But we think have our favorite:



We think “The Brain” works well for The Artist Formerly Known As Captain Slow, mostly because it works so well if Jeremy Clarkson goes by “The Arse.” Thanks again to all of those that contributed the great nicknames, if you can think of other great nicknames for Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson, please let us know in the comments and we’ll post the best ones!