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--> A midday take on what's happening in politics and how to have a sense of humor about it.*

*Ha. Haha. Hahah. Sniff. Haha. Sniff. Ha--breaks down crying hysterically.

The Hill's 12:30 Report — Presented by Kidney Care Partners — House Dems subpoena Mueller report, Trump aides | Senate GOP to go 'nuclear' on nominations | Trump now says he never wanted ObamaCare vote | Trump taunts Biden | Liberals angered by House Dem pro-incumbent policy | Meteor caught on dash cam | Nats fans boo Harper | Harper responds with homer, bat flip | Burger King's new veggie burger

LATE THIS MORNING

House Democrats are the new Oprah

You get a subpoena! You get a subpoena!:

The House Judiciary Committee voted to authorize subpoenas related to the White House and the special counsel investigation.

THE FIRST SUBPOENA:

The committee voted to compel the Justice Department to hand over special counsel Robert Mueller Robert (Bob) MuellerCNN's Toobin warns McCabe is in 'perilous condition' with emboldened Trump CNN anchor rips Trump over Stone while evoking Clinton-Lynch tarmac meeting The Hill's 12:30 Report: New Hampshire fallout MORE's report on the Russia probe. http://bit.ly/2TUneYa

Why: "The Justice Department did not comply with an April 2 deadline set by six Democrats chairing committees in the House for sending the full Mueller report to Congress. So far, Congress has only received a four-page summary of the report from Attorney General William Barr Bill BarrProsecutor says no charges in Michigan toilet voting display Judge rules Snowden to give up millions from book, speeches The Hill's Morning Report - Sponsored by Facebook - Washington on edge amid SCOTUS vacancy MORE."

The committee vote: 24-17, along party lines

THE SECOND SUBPOENA:

The House Judiciary Committee also voted to subpoena testimony and documents from five former White House officials. http://bit.ly/2FU90TA

The committee vote: 24-17, again along party lines

Which former White House officials: President Trump Donald John TrumpOmar fires back at Trump over rally remarks: 'This is my country' Pelosi: Trump hurrying to fill SCOTUS seat so he can repeal ObamaCare Trump mocks Biden appearance, mask use ahead of first debate MORE's first chief of staff, Reince Priebus Reinhold (Reince) Richard PriebusLeaked audio shows Trump touted low Black voter turnout in 2016: report Meadows joins White House facing reelection challenges Trump names Mark Meadows as new chief of staff MORE; former White House counsel Donald McGahn Donald (Don) F. McGahnCongress hits rock bottom in losing to the president in subpoena ruling Rudy Giuliani's reputation will never recover from the impeachment hearings In private moment with Trump, Justice Kennedy pushed for Kavanaugh Supreme Court nomination: book MORE; McGahn's former deputy Ann Donaldson; former Trump campaign chairman Stephen Bannon; and former White House communications director Hope Hicks Hope Charlotte HicksSenate intel leaders said Trump associates may have presented misleading testimony during Russia probe: report Cuomo turned down Trump invitation to participate in April press briefing: report Trump shakes up White House communications team MORE.

Livestream of the hearing: http://bit.ly/2FV3AHK

It's a beautiful spring Wednesday in D.C. I'm Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what's coming up. Send comments, story ideas and events for our radar to cmartel@thehill.com -- and follow along on Twitter @CateMartel and Facebook .

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IN THE WHITE HOUSE

'[He] even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)'

'Heard the words that I told [him] (It wasn't me)':

--> http://bit.ly/2TVlb6x ;)

Via The Hill's Jordan Fabian, "President Trump on Wednesday claimed he never wanted Congress to vote on an ObamaCare replacement ahead of the 2020 elections, even though he unexpectedly revived the issue and pushed for swift action." http://bit.ly/2VmJ9Jr

He tweeted: "I was never planning a vote prior to the 2020 Election on the wonderful HealthCare package that some very talented people are now developing for me & the Republican Party. It will be on full display during the Election as a much better & less expensive alternative to ObamaCare."

WHAT SPARKED THIS TWEET:

Just last week, Trump blindsided GOP senators when he demanded that Congress move quickly to pass an ObamaCare replacement. Republicans balked at revisiting a difficult issue for them. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell Addison (Mitch) Mitchell McConnellPelosi: Trump hurrying to fill SCOTUS seat so he can repeal ObamaCare Senate GOP aims to confirm Trump court pick by Oct. 29: report Trump argues full Supreme Court needed to settle potential election disputes MORE (R-Ky.) then warned Trump in a private conversation that the Senate would not deal with it until after 2020. http://bit.ly/2TUvZBN

Tidbit -- the media really is the worst, huh?:

President Trump gave a campaign-style speech at the National Republican Congressional Committee's annual spring dinner. https://abcn.ws/2Vgsp6j

OK, but this one line: "Someone's going to leak this whole damn speech to the media," Trump told the crowd. http://bit.ly/2OF5y1K

Why that line is particularly funny: The speech was livestreamed in full by C-SPAN.

Livestream of the speech -- it really is campaign SZN: https://cs.pn/2K2OrZe

IN CONGRESS

Nominees will slide into your DMs like:

Via The Hill's Jordain Carney, Senate Republicans are planning to go "nuclear" later today by changing the rules for hundreds of Trump nominees. http://bit.ly/2K2yCBW

What happens with nominations now: "Nominations currently face up to an additional 30 hours of debate after they've overcome an initial hurdle showing they have the support to get confirmed."

What Republicans want: That time to be reduced to two hours for most executive nominees and lower-level district judge nominations.

Which nominations would be exempt from this new shortened time period: Supreme Court justices, appeals court judges, Cabinet picks and those for roughly a dozen boards and commissions.

Some more context: http://bit.ly/2K2yCBW

Cool kids club? Pro:

Via The Hill's Reid Wilson, liberals are accusing House Democratic leaders of favoring incumbents and reining in the rising progressive energy on the left.

How so: A new policy that requires consultants and strategists not to work for any candidate challenging a sitting Democratic member of Congress. If they do, they will not be eligible for lucrative contracts from the party's campaign arm.

How liberal groups and some challengers are describing the new policy: They are calling it a "blacklist."

IN OTHER NEWS

A former Bernie aide called Biden’s accuser a ‘fraud’:

"A former staffer with Sen. Bernie Sanders Bernie SandersButtigieg stands in as Pence for Harris's debate practice Bernie Sanders warns of 'nightmare scenario' if Trump refuses election results Harris joins women's voter mobilization event also featuring Pelosi, Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda MORE's (I-Vt.) Our Revolution organization took aim at former Nevada state Assemblywoman Lucy Flores on Wednesday.” http://bit.ly/2OHl9Oo

Former Biden aide Tezlyn Figaro said on Fox News: “You know, Vice President Joe Biden Joe BidenOmar fires back at Trump over rally remarks: 'This is my country' Trump mocks Biden appearance, mask use ahead of first debate Trump attacks Omar for criticizing US: 'How did you do where you came from?' MORE, if you are listening, you should know that Lucy Flores is a fraud ... I worked with her when I was with Our Revolution, and I currently have a [Equal Opportunity Commission] claim ... filed against Our Revolution, naming Lucy Flores as someone who was racist, as someone who implemented retaliation.” More from the interview: http://bit.ly/2OHl9Oo

BY THE WAY, TRUMP TAUNTED BIDEN LAST NIGHT:

Speaking at the National Republican Congressional Committee dinner, President Trump taunted former Vice President Joe Biden. http://bit.ly/2YMOyvi

In Trump’s words: "We’re going into the war with some socialists. And it looks like the only non sort of heavy socialist, he’s being taken care of pretty well by the socialists. They got to him," Trump said with a chuckle, referencing Biden. "I was going to call him. I don't know him well. I was going to say, 'Welcome to the world, Joe. You having a good time, Joe? Are you having a good time?'" http://bit.ly/2YMOyvi

NOTABLE TWEETS

Meanwhile in Gainesville -- wow:

STREAK OF LIGHT: A driver's dash cam captured this striking footage of a meteor shooting through the sky over Gainesville, Florida on Saturday night.@NWSTallahassee confirms that a meteor was caught on its 'GOES Lightning Mapper' at about the same time. https://t.co/3jcj3Kmoc5 pic.twitter.com/Eb8AfQkxiZ — ABC News (@ABC) April 2, 2019

Individuals with kidney diseases are living longer and fuller lives, but there’s more to be done. A continued focus on earlier diagnoses and innovative approaches to treatment are critical. Learn more.

ON TAP

The House and Senate are in.

12:30 p.m. EDT: The Senate meets. The Senate's full schedule today: http://bit.ly/2TSrqYL

1:30 p.m. EDT: Vice President Pence speaks at NATO Engages: The Alliance At 70.

1:30 p.m. EDT: First votes in the House. The House's full schedule today: http://bit.ly/2CQRqha

2 p.m. EDT: The Senate votes.

5 p.m. EDT: Last votes in the House.

6 p.m. EDT: President Trump is briefed by senior military leaders in the Cabinet Room.

7:35 p.m. EDT: President Trump has dinner with senior military leaders.

April 11: Larry Kudlow, assistant to the president and director of the National Economic Council, sits down with The Hill's Bob Cusack for "The Hill's Newsmaker Series: Tax Cuts and Small Business." Details and how to RSVP: http://bit.ly/2HWxKwu

WHAT TO WATCH

This morning: The House Judiciary Committee met to discuss subpoenas related to the special counsel investigation. Livestream: http://bit.ly/2FV3AHK

11 a.m. EDT: Jens Stoltenberg, secretary general of NATO, addressed a joint session of Congress. Livestream: https://cs.pn/2VeSH8Z Op-ed: http://bit.ly/2YLSywc

Peak D.C.: Here's a livestream of the cherry blossoms at peak bloom in Washington, D.C. So pretty and relaxing to watch. Livestream: http://bit.ly/2UqyaRJ

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF...

Today is National Chocolate Mousse Day.

Soooo, that went well:

Bryce Harper returned to Nationals Park last night for the first time since he signed with the Philadelphia Phillies. https://wapo.st/2CTiYm8

The reaction: Loooots of boos.

His first at-bat: "Strike. Strike. Foul ball. Ball. Ball. Strike swinging."

But then he hit a home run: http://bit.ly/2K45vhr

Video of Harper getting booed as he ran out onto the field: http://bit.ly/2CRrD8O

Spotted in the crowd -- he's a 'TRATOR': "There was an attempt to spell 'TRAITOR' in right field, but 'I' either forgot their shirt or won't take off their jacket." http://bit.ly/2I9uM7p

I'm shocked this hasn't already been done:

Burger King is introducing a meatless Whopper made with a plant-based burger. Specifically: The Silicon Valley Impossible Burger. Where to find the veggie burger: At 59 restaurants in the St. Louis area. Details: https://nyti.ms/2CQvmDw