By Brody

“The Siberian Tiger is an endangered species as a result of hunting and a diminishing environment. The greatest threat to the tiger is humanity.” The T.V. preaches at John, sitting on a fabric floral couch, with an orange tint of Cheeto dust plaguing its existence. John is mesmerized by the bright dancing lights projected by the Discovery Channel. He mindlessly indulges himself in a new bag of chips to satisfy his hunger. The crunching of the chips muffle the sound of the T.V. The floor of John’s room is covered with empty chip bags and cans of soda; John is much too busy enjoying the escape television offers to clean his one bedroom apartment. Besides, there is nobody who ever visits John; it would merely be a wasted effort.

As the program finishes, once again preaching at John about how he can save the Siberian tigers, John reaches the bottom of his chip bag. Routinely, he goes to the pantry to look for more, but his hunger cannot be satisfied by the near empty pantry. John reaches the conclusion that he must go to the drug store, which is conveniently situated at the bottom floor of his apartment, Sighing at the effort, John reluctantly searches for clothes to cover his oversized naked body. Finding a spaghetti stained XXL Florida Panthers shirt and some ratty pyjama pants, John makes his way to the elevator.

Going down the nine floors, leaning against the tiny confines of the elevator, John nearly completes his journey. The one thing John hates more than anything in the world is people. He shivers at merely the thought of talking to them. In his short elevator ride, he is dreading the moment when he will have to talk the cashier at the drug store. John simply does not understand people. He never has and never will and has come to accept that, withdrawing instead to the comforts of basic television and ice cream that can never judge nor hurt him.

Arriving at the drug store, he nervously searches the aisles, looking for his purchased comfort. He finds his chips, milk and ice cream all where they usually wait for him and proceeds to waddle over to the cashier. He notices the flowing blonde hair and milky blue eyes of a new face working the cash register. He is lost in her beauty. His hands are shaking as he sets down his variety of items. She gives him a grand smile, showing all her white teeth contrasting he juicy red lips.

“That’ll be 28.56.” Her words sound like they come from the mouth of an angelic Billy Holiday with the prose of Shakespeare. John shakes his head agreeing and as he attempts to steady his hand, he drops two 20 dollar bills on the white counter. “Thank you have a nice day. NEXT!” John notices she doesn’t so much as speak the words as an outer worldly sounds breaches through her smile. Gazing at the cashier’s name tag, Christine, John realizes he is in love.

On his journey back to his apartment, John only thinks of one thing, Christine. Her small nose that peaks over to gaze at her smile, her finely plucked brow that highlights the eyes he was lost in earlier. His newfound obsession is Christine and he assumes that Christine feels the same way.

John spends the next two weeks showing his newfound affection. John has never had a girlfriend, in fact he spent most of his high school experience watching T.V. and awkwardly slipping through the cracks of social situations. John never even had so much as a friend. But John is a new man now, ready to show how great a lover he can be. Every day for the next two weeks John makes the effort to go to the drug store. He usually picks up meaningless, cheap items in the endless fluorescently lit aisles between 4-10 pm when Christine works. Every time John reaches the counter he is greeted by a beautiful smile and some short words. John is completely overwhelmed each time, and although he tries to confess his love, his confidence always falls short of his expectations and he can never bring the words to his mouth. By the 14th day, his shaky voice manages to mutter what resembles a thank you and Christine replies with a simple your welcome. John is beset by Christine’s gratitude for him. He is certain she loves him tooo and decides it is tomorrow he confesses it.

With a confident stride, John makes his way through the aisles of the drug store, gum in hand, his destination Christine. He is prepared, all his thoughts are ready to come into fruition, and he has planned out exactly how this interaction will take place. John will give Christine a speech on how much he loves her, and Christine will reply with her feelings too and they will live happily together. John finds it rather simple really.

Christine waits with boredom for her regular costumer to arrive. She sees the fat man wheezing and huffing as he makes his way through the aisles. His sweat glimmers off his forehead where his greasy hair is parted. She can almost taste his stench as he arrives at the counter. He slams down his items and with a savage voice he exclaims, “I love you Christine!”. Christine looks nervously around for her manager as the disgusting pile of lard awaits her reply.