"Well, that escalated quickly."

Ron Burgundy, "Anchorman"

A couple of front lawns and four lanes of Mohawk Road West separate Terry Shaver and Larry Easter in the Central Mountain burbs, the divide maybe 60 metres.

It's close enough to make them neighbours. And close enough that the lights from Shaver's truck, shining toward Easter's front window, sparked a fight that landed Shaver in the back of a police cruiser.

It might sound darkly funny, Shaver and Easter's melee on the Mountain: slow-burn suburban warfare, paranoia, surveillance.

Toss into the mix Easter's next door neighbour, Tom Pavlovic, who hates Easter's ugly metal fence and accused him of throwing dead rats in his pool.

"This is the mentality with these three neighbours," a police officer wrote in a report. "Shaver and Pavlovic have become friends against their 'enemy' Larry Easter."

It would be funny, except it led to Shaver, who is in his 70s, arrested, and the dispute eating taxpayer dollars to pay for Crown attorneys, judges, court staff, bylaw officers, and police to referee.

Here was the accused, Shaver, in court recently in work clothes and boots, berating an august judge.

"Are you not the head guy here?" said an exasperated Shaver, his raspy voice like a block of wood passing through a table saw.

"The boss of me is the Criminal Code," the judge intoned.

This is the story of the case of the loathsome truck lights, but it's just one example of the rabbit hole into which neighbours plunge, when fuses are lit over such things as grass clippings on driveways, recycling bins on the curb too early, and noisy basketballs.

The call to love thy neighbour as thyself goes back to the Old Testament. That means neighbours have been getting on each other's nerves since the dawn of time.

City bylaw officials fielded nearly 2,000 calls complaining about unkempt neighbour lawns alone last year, and 532 calls about barking dogs.

Hamilton Police officers respond to neighbour issues daily and completed 350 reports on them in a six-month period. In tandem with city bylaw officers, they responded to 1,500 noise complaints in 2016.

"The disputes usually start with small things and deteriorate," says city councillor Chad Collins, who has seen many begin with who should pay to replace a shared fence, for example, or a retaining wall.

Blowers dumping snow on a neighbour's property is another one that raises hackles.

One of the oddest complaints he's heard was when a resident accused a neighbour of tossing pork chop bones on his roof. (The actual culprit was a four-legged neighbour: a raccoon.)

Collins says he regularly responds to disputes, but sometimes turns a deaf ear to repeated griping about an issue that doesn't seem to exist.

"People often use authorities just to get back at their neighbour but it doesn't help anyone," he says, not when considering the public cost, which includes salaries for city councillors and office staff who log time responding.

He believes some complaints are rooted in mental illness: a neighbour hears sounds that aren't there, like a pool pump or air conditioner chugging away — in winter time.

Movies portray how nasty they can get, from "Neighbours" (1952) about a rhubarb over a flower straddling two lawns, to the Seth Rogan/Zac Effron "Neighbors" (2014) about middle-aged parents going to battle with a raucous fraternity next door.

A U.S. reality TV series called "Fear Thy Neighbour" had an episode titled "Kill-De-Sac" ("when a family gets on the wrong side of their neighbours conflict escalates until bullets fly and blood flows in the street.")

That one sounds a bit like the unravelling on Seeley Avenue on the Central Mountain in the early 1990s, when a parking disagreement led to slashed tires, indecent exposure, and a man shot by his neighbour in the chest and legs with a .44 magnum, as he was decorating his Christmas tree. (The victim survived and the shooter was convicted for attempted murder.)

About four kilometres west of Seeley is where Terry Shaver and Larry Easter locked horns in the truck lights in the driveway dispute.

In the 1970s Shaver bought a house on Mohawk Rd. W. just east of Garth Street. In the early 2000s, Easter and his family moved into a house diagonally across the road.

Shaver's work over the years included cleaning sewers and odd jobs such as plowing snow and collecting scrap metal. At some point he attached a trailer to his Ford F150 pickup, and routinely backed into his driveway so he wouldn't have to back it out on the busy four-lane road.

And on occasion at night he would sit in the truck, smoking, with the vehicle running and the lights on.

In January 2014, Easter walked across the road and asked Shaver to stop shining the lights in the direction of the front window of his house.

Easter declined interview requests from the Spectator for this story, but he testified in court that the lights bothered his family in their main floor living room.

He said it was an issue going on four years, and when he asked Shaver to stop, Shaver swore at him and told him to get off his property.

Shaver counters that Easter had it in for him long before the lights beef; that his neighbour called bylaw officers to complain about weeds on his lawn, and that his house badly needed painting.

"One day a bylaw officer told me I had 30 days to paint my house," Shaver says. "They said they'd fine me $1,500. It's B.S."

(Bylaw complaints are made anonymously so there is no proof Easter is the one who called.)

Meanwhile, Shaver had no idea that neighbour Tom Pavlovic had his own war with Easter.

Part of it is over an eyesore corrugated metal fence Easter built next door. The city ruled it could stay because it predated the current bylaw.

Over the years Pavlovic and his wife Milka often reported Easter to bylaw officers and police — 11 police reports completed since 2007. They accused him of, among other things, using loud power tools too close to their home, yelling at Milka for putting out the garbage before 5 p.m., and dumping the Pavlovics' recycling box on the street.

In a report, a police officer wrote that the allegations "if true … are unacceptable" and that the Easters "are instigators … (who) enjoy causing and perpetuating issues with neighbours. He and his family constantly take pictures of neighbours and video, specifically of the Pavlovics to the west and Terence Shaver to the north of their house."

But the officer added that the Pavlovics are "stubborn and completely unreasonable … (they) make ridiculous allegations and have called police as a result," including claiming Easter's 11-year old daughter trespassed by retrieving a ball from their lawn; that dirty water from washing a car flowed onto their grass from Easter's driveway; that he sprays snow onto their property.

(Tom Pavlovic provided copies of police reports on his dispute with Easter to the Spectator. One of them describes Pavlovic complaining to police at the Mountain station that it was unfair of an officer to label him "stubborn," and that "it is not up to police to determine what is bothersome to him or anyone else.")

Ultimately Pavlovic sought a peace bond against Easter, but after a couple of court dates and delays he says the Crown elected not to move forward with one.

Pavlovic and Terry Shaver bonded somewhat over their common cause against Larry Easter.

But soon Shaver's dispute went up a notch.

Shaver claims the truck lights issue started after Easter, who often repaired vehicles in his driveway, offered to fix his truck. Shaver considered the fee far too high, and declined. He thinks Easter held it against him.

And he says Easter removed a large old tree in front of his home that would have helped block the lights.

Despite Easter's complaints, Shaver continued backing into his driveway and shining the lights whenever he pleased.

Easter, in turn, gathered evidence. He took dozens of pictures, at night, and during daylight, of Shaver's truck with the lights on across the road.

Shaver was furious arriving at home each day to find someone from Easter's family snapping his picture. Sometimes he retaliated by flicking his truck's headlight brights.

Early one morning in February 2015, about 4:30 a.m., Shaver says he caught someone wearing a ski mask trying to snip wires that attached a plow to his truck.

He ran out into the snow in his bare feet.

"The guy says to me, 'I'm gonna get you!'"

He believed it was Easter, and called 911. Police showed, but the investigation went no further. Shaver fumed.

On Feb. 13, a police officer visited each man to mediate the lights dispute. She suggested Shaver stop shining his lights and Easter stop taking pictures.

She noted in a report that even as she sat in Easter's living room, Shaver's lights beamed through the front window.

"(The police officer) says to me, 'it's all over, I told Easter to stop taking pictures, and I told him you won't shine your lights in his house," Shaver says. "And I told her, I want him charged (for vandalizing his truck). But no, she leaves."

Shaver did not alter his routine, and Easter kept up his surveillance. Easter filed another lights complaint with police on Feb. 20.

Four days later, the police officer phoned Shaver.

This was a good sign, he thought: finally, the police moving ahead with his vandalism allegations.

Instead she told him that he, Shaver, was being charged and he should come to the station.

"And I said, charged for what? She said, 'for turning on your lights.' I said: Go to hell. You come and get me."

It's a wonder neighbours ever get along, at least by Thomas Hobbes' reckoning.

The philosopher wrote that in a state of nature, minus any governing power, it would be war of every man against every man.

And he was writing long before technology allowed a thoughtless neighbour to crank up his lawn mower at 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

That's too early to cut the grass, isn't it? The bar for neighbourly conduct is subjective, based on your customs, values and psychology — and so is the way you deal with conflict.

Would a large Canadian flag hoisted next door snapping in the wind qualify as unreasonable noise? It sparked neighbour bickering years ago in Collingwood, where the accused faced a $2,500 fine from the municipality.

The case was reportedly thrown out of court and the rowdy patriot moved out west and took his loud flag with him.

Are toys strewn on the front lawn an eyesore and worthy of mentioning to your neighbour? It probably depends on how many toys, how often they are there, and your definition of strewn.

What about an RV camper permanently parked in a driveway? It caused a big fight in Stoney Creek.

A complaint over a basketball net led to a Mountain resident ordered to move it or face a $5,000 fine, because it violated a bylaw that forbids free-standing hoops close to sidewalks or roadways.

A basketball alone is reason to throw down: the repeated sound of a ball smacking the driveway incited a Peterborough woman to file a complaint with Ontario's environment ministry over "unreasonable and excessive noise" from her neighbour's hoops-crazy son. (The ministry reportedly rejected the complaint.)

Bylaws regulate many of these issues but it's a judgment call when to approach a neighbour with a grievance, or call the city's bylaw department or police. Taking action can result in a smooth resolution, or it can go sideways, as the law of unintended consequences kicks-in.

Randi McCabe, the chief psychologist at St. Joseph's Healthcare, says neighbours have varying levels of flexibility and communications skills to deal.

"You get upset, but it's an adaptive thing: do you unleash anger and start something? And was it worth it? People get so stressed about it they avoid the neighbour every time they leave the house."

She suggests the genesis of neighbour angst lies in the sense of violation of your home as your "safe space … your island of tranquility."

Some argue that expectation is part of the problem, that "hyper-privatized" suburban life means neighbours rarely bond, much less feel empathy.

With family and close friends, when it comes to quirks or annoyances, most people do not seek ways to punish them.

But a neighbour you never really knew? The knee-jerk response can be like road rage, figuratively horning their lousy driving, feeling no apparent consequences.

Except with a neighbour you share living space, and escalation can have damaging impacts on your wallet and even mental and physical health.

In the end, some neighbours simply move.

And others dig-in.

Perhaps The Shining should never have gone to court.

Before accepting a case, the Crown Attorney's office must decide if it has a reasonable chance of conviction, and also if it's in the public interest to prosecute.

Hamilton criminal lawyer Jeffrey Manishen suggests the second part of that test is often not given enough weight by the Crown.

"And that brings the weight of criminal sanction against a neighbour for a dispute when the nature of the impact is limited."

But Terry Shaver and Larry Easter's headlights fight made it to John Sopinka Courthouse.

Easter won. In January Shaver was convicted for mischief.

Judge Timothy Culver ruled that Shaver interfered with Easter's "lawful enjoyment of property," and said: "The whole issue could have been resolved if the accused had not sat for hours in his truck smoking and listening to the radio and deliberately shining his lights into the Easter's house."

Easter testified that the truck lights were so annoying he had to put the family Christmas tree in the basement in order to enjoy it. He said that closing curtains or blinds on the windows was not an option.

"His family is hearing impaired," the judge said, "and needs some ambient light in the house if they need to get up during the night if there's an emergency."

Conditions placed on Shaver included two years probation and that he not come within 100 metres of Easter's house. That meant Shaver couldn't live in his home of 40-plus years.

"I can't even drive down Mohawk Road West," says Shaver. "I was worried my pipes would freeze in my home."

It forced him to sell his house, and in turn started a court imbroglio over a temporary exemption from the 100-metre condition so he could retrieve his belongings.

He believes the system is a sham: that Easter used Photoshop on pictures to make the lights look bigger and brighter than they were; police treated him poorly; judges and Crown attorneys acted like he was a bumpkin; that he was unfairly denied a lawyer covered by legal aid.

Shaver said in court that after he was arrested by police, he was bounced around — "pinballed" — in the back of a cruiser as an officer drove erratically, on purpose, to the station.

"These are matters you can make a complaint about to police, but don't have any bearing on the issues I have to decide," the judge said.

"So they can pick you up and beat you to hell?"

Judge Culver called Shaver's accusations of "malicious behaviour" against police "unsubstantiated," and that his dislike for Larry Easter "borders on paranoia."

"You should print this," Shaver told the Spectator. "The lesson everyone should take from this is, if you don't like your neighbour, you should stand on the sidewalk and take surveillance pictures of them night and day, give the pictures to the police, and then you can charge the neighbour. Is that the way it's supposed to work?"

At his trial, defending himself, Shaver called Tom and Milka Pavlovic, Easter's other foes, to the stand as witnesses.

"Other than negative comments about (Easter's) character," the judge ruled, "and a clear antipathy towards the Easter family, (the Pavlovics) had nothing to offer relating to the charge before the court."

And so it goes.

In May Terry Shaver was in court fencing with Judge George Gage over the time he needs to get his tools and other items from his old house, and raising points from the first trial.

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"They make it so hard your honour," Shaver said. "There have been 40 different cops involved … I'd like a judicial inquiry when this is finished."

"Fill your boots," said the judge, smiling.

"I know, it's laughable."

"If the neighbourhood is as toxic as you say, you are well advised to get out and move somewhere else."

"I was there 45 years, the other guy just 13."

Shaver has moved but he's far from done. He will appeal his conviction. And there are still two remaining counts the Crown intends to prosecute this summer.

He says the Crown offered him a deal to plead guilty and receive a short jail sentence.

"I said screw that. I'd rather do a year in jail than plead guilty to this."

If your dog plays road hockey you're asking for trouble

Hamilton bylaw complaint phone calls in 2016

Barking dogs

532

Dog feces on lawn

298

Road hockey

11

Garbage at curb too early

127

Garbage/debris on property

3,348

Long grass/weeds

1,925

Long grass/weeds and garbage

2,303

Inoperable vehicles parked on property

275

Feeding pigeons on property

9

Leaves on road

45

Mud tracked on property

227

Noise

1,503

One of the oddest complaints Coun. Chad Collins has heard was when a resident accused a neighbour of tossing pork chop bones on his roof.

In tandem with city bylaw officers, police responded to 1,500 noise complaints in 2016.

Easter said it was an issue going on four years, and when he asked Shaver to stop, Shaver swore at him and told him to get off his property.

“One day a bylaw officer told me I had 30 days to paint my house. They said they’d fine me $1,500. It’s B.S.”

Terry Shaver

“And I said, charged for what? The police officer said, ‘for turning on your lights.’ I said: Go to hell. You come and get me.”

Terry Shaver

Easter testified that the truck lights were so annoying he had to put the family Christmas tree in the basement in order to enjoy it.

Mediation We can work it out

There are ways to diffuse neighbour disputes before they escalate to bylaw complaints, fines, police action and a courtroom.

Talking to your neighbour is one way, and so is sitting down with a mediator.

Hamilton experimented with an in-house mediation service a few years ago with little success. The problem? It takes two willing parties reasonable enough to come to the table.

A staff report on the pilot project said participation was low: "By the time it was identified there was a neighbour dispute and mediation was offered, the relationship between neighbours was beyond repair, and in the majority of situations only one party was interested in participating."

But Hamilton residents can access free, non-binding mediation services through the nonprofit Community Justice Initiatives (CJI) in Kitchener. The idea is to create "a safe space for conversation" and find a resolution that works for both parties, says co-ordinator Jason Spencer.

CJI received just a couple of referrals from Hamilton's bylaw department the last two years, but one was successful — a barking dog issue that had escalated. They welcome referrals though Hamilton's bylaw department or directly contacting them. (519-744-6549 or cjiwr.com)

A creative outlet is offered in London, Ont. by students at Western University's law school. Hamilton native Tea Prpa, a McMaster grad, is co-ordinator of the Dispute Resolution Centre, where eight law students offer mediation services for disputes including neighbour troubles — about one-third of their workload.

"I had one mediation where after three hours, nothing was happening," says Prpa. "But we'll go as long as we can to get an agreement, and usually the wheels turn, they come up with a list of issues and get the ball rolling … each party gets something out of it, and it's better than an expensive court process."

She says students also receive mediation referrals from the local Crown's office that otherwise would clutter the court docket.

Caveat emptor and communicate Tips to avoid costly neighbour disputes:

Before you buy a home ask your Realtor to check with the seller about possible neighbour issues on the street. A Realtor is required to answer direct questions about neighbours.

Communicate with your neighbour if you have an issue but approach them in a friendly way, don't ambush them or hurl accusations and ultimatums. A polite letter might work, too.

Help your neighbour feel engaged with the issue, ask them how they think it can be ironed out to everyone's benefit.

Consider outside mediation if the neighbour is willing.

Before you do major work on your property like build a fence or pool or remove trees, talk to you neighbour, tell them what you have in mind. Or if you throw a big party let them know in advance.

With everything you do outside the walls of your home, ask yourself: Will my neighbour be annoyed by this?

Sell your home. If the neighbour is immovable cut your losses and stress and move, if possible.

If all else fails call the city's bylaw department to anonymously register a concern:

Email: mle@hamilton.ca

Phone 905-546-2782

Online: www.hamilton.ca