Ladies, have you gone lonely as your lovers have spent hours trying to penetrate the secrets of Diablo III (or, more probably, penetrate the game's login screen). Well then, the French sex shop Absoloo wishes to soothe your frustrations—with a free vibrator.


It helps if you read this in your best Hollywood-affected French voice, but Absoloo, on its official blog today, asked "Your man has not left his computer since the release yesterday of Diablo III?" Oui! "Still a long time before you find yourself in his arms during a romantic evening ..." Oui!

Alors, ma petite chou fleur, "your man would rather go in search of magical jewels, gloves sorcerers, and other heavy war clubs to get XP points rather than engaging in the research of your G-spot and gain sexual experience." Oui! Oui! Ah, mon dieu, oui!


To claim your sex toy, post a Facebook picture of yourself with a copy of the game responsible for your alienation of affection (and notify Absoloo.) The sex toy merchant will then transmit a voucher code for a "small vibrator," (akin to a crude javelin or simple dagger, I suppose, resale value 2 gold). For those wondering, Absoloo does not discriminate by gender or sexual orientation. Anyone whose partner has been consumed by Diablo is eligible.

Un Diablo III acheté, un sextoy offert! [Absoloo. h/t Ugo Parsi]