Photo : Getty

The Empire State Building is one of the most convenient locations in the world to get to via public transportation. It is close to pretty much all the subways: the 1,2,3, 4, 5, 6, 7, A, C, E, B, D, F, M, N, Q, R, and W lines are all within a ten minute walk, not to mention the PATH train from Jersey and all commuter and regional trains coming into Penn Station and Grand Central.




But you people, you freaking people, keep insisting on taking Ubers there. The Empire State Building reigns supreme yet again as the most Ubered-to tourist attraction in 2019.



In second place is the Freedom Tower, AKA the World Trade Center, which is itself less than a ten minute walk from the 2, 3, 4, 5, A, C, R, W, J and Z trains. The 1 and the E trains stop literally right underneath it, as does the PATH from New Jersey.




Oh, but the subway is notoriously delayed? The subway’s issues have nothing on Manhattan traffic, which keeps getting slower and slower. Why, you might ask? See the first two paragraphs.

If you people don’t stop this insanity, we’re gonna have to rescind Manhattan’s car privileges, like the good ol’ days when pigs roamed freely along Water Street. You’ll have no one to blame but yourselves and your silly, extravagant Uber trips that are making our city worse.



But the subway is confusing and hard to navigate for tourists? Fair enough. But just get on a train. Any train. It’s fine. The train goes there. Freedom Tower? Same deal. The train goes there, too.

Want to come to New York but don’t want to ride the train? Then get the hell out, unless you have mobility issues in which case yeah the MTA has really let you down and we’re sorry we really hope they get their act together and do something about that. Otherwise, close the Uber app. New York is for trains.

