If you, like me, asked yourself where and when this insanity would stop, go grab another bottle of whiskey and pour another three fingers, because this madness is now coming to the slopes, like Steamboat Springs, according to whose draconian policy:

Skiers and snowboarders “must unzip, de-layer, and turn out their pockets… Like travelers at Denver International Airport, these would-be gondola riders must run through a gauntlet of security checkpoints before taking to the skies.” …A cynic might wonder whether the searches for flasks are actually more of an effort to force riders to pay for drinks at resort bars and restaurants, just as concert-goers and sports fans are increasingly made to do. Slippery slope of ski-area security, The Denver Post

Then color me “cynic” because this is absolutely totally 100% unwarranted. For sure it’s not to keep you from drinking one too many, because you know as well as I do that they’ll gladly sell you as many $9 beers as your credit card limitallows. Besides, you can spot and police the people who’ve had a few too many without asking everyone to turn out their pockets.

Nope. Wherever and whenever you see stupid laws, you can sleep soundly knowing that it’s probably a money grab. Speed limits are set in order to maximize revenue from speeding tickets, not to minimize danger on the roads. Even the new TSA screening policies allegedly set up to “keep us safe” are total BS when you follow the money trail but at least they have the pretense of keeping us safe from would-be hijackers.

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Although I’m generally opposed to people drinking on the slopes, in an allegedly free society it is never acceptable to treat everyone like would-be criminals. Policies like this gondola pat-down at Steamboat, while they might succeed in keeping the occasional overzealous tourist from bringing his flask or left-handed cigarette on to the slopes, is just, well, I don’t even have words to describe it I’m kind of beside myself that as a nation or whatever, things like this at ski resorts of all places, are even up for discussion.

I know I’m just one guy who maybe travels with a group of 4 or 5 or 6 other guys for a few days a year but let this be a notice to you fascists: I am officially boycotting any ski area which adopts a policy similar to this one. I don’t care if you’re Whistler or Alpine Valley, you’re off my list.

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