Edit: Now with full dialogue~



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The Grand Galloping Gala was the greatest formal event in all of Equestria. Hosted by Celestia herself, the gala was attended by everypony and everycreature that could get their mitts on an illustrious, expensive ticket. It was an opportunity for the elite to flaunt fashion fresh off the minds of Equestria's hottest designers. A chance for the average pony to mingle with royalty, to dance with debutantes, to eat and drink their fill and pass out in Canterlot Gardens, possibly with Celestia herself sprawled and snoring in a fountain next to them. A Can't-Miss Event, wrote Vanity Fur magazine. The best night ever, everypony called it.







And that's what Princess Skyla was having. The very best night ever.









The wood of the bar counter felt ever so lovely against her face. Her cheek smeared against a small puddle of spilled beer, and Skyla was dimly appreciative, because at least now she had a decent excuse for her ruined make up. She certainly hadn't been crying. Definitely not. After all, amidst the music and lights and laughter, it'd take a rather pathetic pony indeed to find a way to be miserable on the greatest night of the year.







A voice suddenly chimed in Skyla's ear.





“Hey there, waterworks. Need a hanky?”





With effort, Skyla spared a sluggish glance upward. A skinny pink pony was eyeing her with thinly masked concern. From her sleeve, the mare produced a hideously neon, polka-dotted handkerchief, and proffered it to the crystal princess.





“....Go away.” Skyla grumbled. “Can’t you see I’m busy wallowing?”



“Aw, think anypony with eyes can see that, hon.” The stranger had the audacity to gently pat Skyla’s back. “And not that it ain’t some grade A wallowin’- I mean you’re really pullin’ out the stops with that runny mascara! But you really oughta get some sips of water in between all that whiskey. Otherwise you’ll end up pukin’ in the shrubs, which, I gotta tell ya, tends to be frowned upon at fancy shin-digs like this.”

“Aw, think anypony with eyes can see that, hon.” The stranger had the audacity to gently pat Skyla’s back. “And not that it ain’t some grade A wallowin’- I mean you’re really pullin’ out the stops with that runny mascara! But yououghta get some sips of water in between all that whiskey. Otherwise you’ll end up pukin’ in the shrubs, which, I gotta tell ya, tends to be frowned upon at fancy shin-digs like this.”









This pony was so wretchedly chipper and chatty that Skyla finally lifted her head to squint at her. "....I'm sorry, do I know you?"









"Jamboree Jessie Sandwich, Mistress of Ceremonies, at your service. But all my pals call me Jammie." Jam gave a cheeky wink. "And you, of course, are the one an' only Crystal Princess. Flurry Heart, if I ain't mistaken?"









In an instant, Skyla snapped out of her drunken stupor, her wingspan unfurling with a snarl. "I am not-"









"Whoa, geez, relax." Jam sniggered, not unkindly. "I was just kiddin', doll. I know exactly who you are, Miss Skyla. See, ol' Panny always spoke of a potentially persnickety pink princess with a legendary stick up her keister- and I gotta say, you match that description to a tee."









Skyla scowled. "I don't care what that noodley idiot may have told you. I'm in no mood for jokes, you miscreant. And certainly none about my sister." She took a hurried swig from her bottle. "Not after she left."





"Is that what's got you down in the dumps tonight? I'm awful sorry to hear it, sweetie. Sometimes family leaves." Jam frowned. "....We can't cling onto our loved ones forever- sometimes they just gotta fly the coop. For example, my own big sis is, as we speak, traveling Equestria with a literal demi-goddess of chaos, on a never-ceasing quest to sow discord in the hearts of mortals. She sends me postcards." Jam leaned close, whispering conspiratorially- as though she and Skyla were friends. Skyla brushed her off with a rude wing.







"Your sister. Cupcake." Skyla's eyes narrowed with recognition. "I'm well aware. What a waste that was. Didn't she train for two years under Commander Tempest? She was going to be Pandora's first and fiercest royal guard- she was the top graduate in the entire guard academy. Probably would have done wonderful things for Equestria......if Pandora hadn't thrown both their futures away just five fucking minutes after being crowned a princess." Skyla snorted. "So now, instead of serving and protecting her country, your beloved big sister follows my cousin around selling hexes to jealous exes and pulling pranks on old ladies. Congratulations."





Skyla's mouth had pulled into a smug smirk, but her remark didn't seem to have the desired effect on Jam. The pink mare only shrugged. "It makes her happy." Jam smiled, a little mysteriously. "I think....they make each other happy."





"Horseapples." Skyla scoffed. "I could have made Cupcake happy. After Pan's fiasco of a coronation, I personally took the poor mare aside and offered her a position within my own elite Crystal Guard. Her potential would have been fully realized under my leadership. She'd have become so much more than my cousin’s little minion- She'd be a contracted, respected Officer of the State. Serving and protecting, just as it says in her Royal Guard Oath! And of course, she’d have all the benefits that Pandora simply can’t give her. Paid vacations, royal favors, bits by the bucketful, the adulation of the masses-!” Skyla was working herself up now, the words spilling recklessly from her mouth. "No more childish mischief and pranks and Pandora- just perfect peace and stability, living safely away within the crystalline spires of the ancient, magical empire."





"Uh-huh." Jam lifted an eyebrow, unimpressed. "And what did my sister say to your kind offer there, Princess?"









Skyla flushed pink. "She said it, er......sounded unspeakably boring."









Jam let out a loud bark of laughter. "Ha! Attagirl, Cuppy."









Skyla sulked, glaring down into her bottle. ".....I just don't get it."









"Ponies don't always go with the most obvious and logical choices for themselves. After all, you only got one life, so why not spend it doin' what makes you happy?"









"Maybe that works for your sister. But my sister didn't have a reason not to be happy." Skyla growled. "Flurry Heart had everything, you know. She was the first alicorn born to Equestria in millennia. A magical prodigy, tamer of blizzards, beloved symbol of light and love, six time crystal archery champion....fucking first chair concert violinist. She was beloved by everyone- and she just up and left. As though the entire Crystal Empire didn't even matter. As though I didn't matter." Skyla grew quiet, swallowing hard- and for the briefest instant, her eyes seemed to glisten.





Again, Jam extended her hoof, resting it softly on Skyla's shoulder. "Aw, hon, I-"









"So you understand my point then?" Skyla glanced up suddenly, her gaze wild and unhinged. "Flurry Heart was a fool. Everypony dreams of being a princess. Everypony. Flurry's title has fallen to me- and I couldn't be happier."









"I'd be more convinced if you didn't have whiskey dribblin' off your chin, Princess."







Skyla sputtered. "A-Aren't you the mistress of ceremonies? Perhaps I'd be having a better time if your party wasn't so lame-"



"Lame?!" Jam suddenly resembled an indignant pink puffball. "I have it on record from Princess Celestia herself that this is one of the awesomest Galas on record- and you'd know it if you weren't too busy feelin' sorry for yourself!"



"I only started drinking because nopony asked me to dance!"





Jam rolled her eyes. "That's funny, I don't see none of your legs broken there, your highness. There's literally nothin' stoppin' you from gettin' off your pink patootie and askin' somepony to dance with you."



Skyla colored crimson. "I.....don't know how."



"Aw, it's easy!" Jam beamed, "You just mosey up to the closest chunk of hunk, and hit em with your best smoulder-" And here Jam leaned forward, waggling her eyebrows, "And say 'hey baby, are you my homework? Cuz I'm not doing you, but I should be!"





"I-t-that's!" Skyla floofed up, cheeks blushing cherry red. "Of course you wouldn't get it. I'm a princess. There's protocol to be followed. I can't just address a suitor with a silly pick up line. Courtship among nobility must be a dignified affair. Princess Iridescence, for example, wields the highest royal rank of our generation, which is why you'll note the care and grace she must take when partaking in any potential romantic-"



"Irie? I'm pretty sure I just saw Princess Bugbutt doin' shots off a mare's ass and making out with that one coffee shop stallion in a broom closet."



Skyla's sucked in a deep breath, praying for patience. "Okay. Bad example. A royal title is clearly wasted on that licentious insect. Artemis is the noble one. I'll bet Artemis wouldn't entertain the advances of any idiot that walks in off the street."



"Oh, definitely not...." Jam's grin threatened to split her face. "Not just any idiot."



"See? I'm glad you understand." Skyla smiled. "Their highness Artemis sets an excellent example for us all to follow- so stoic and dignified. Although....." Here Skyla's frown faltered. "Ah, well, it can be difficult sometimes, when you.....feel a type of way over somepony that is, uh......an entirely unacceptable choice of partner."



"Unacceptable how?" Jam lifted an eyebrow. "Are they a meanie-pants? Are they gross? Do they use a shampoo you're allergic to? Gnaw their crackers too loud? Be a handsome but emotionally distant bad boy?"



"No, no, none of those things! She's....nice." Skyla sighed, gazing wistfully at her reflection in her glass. "And......very sweet. She's big and loud- but not too loud- and her laugh makes you feel.....warm and cozy inside, I guess. Like....your heart's all full of hot honey tea. And......her eyes are the most spectacular shade of green, and her smile is like- well, perhaps it sounds cheesy, but it reminds me of the first rays of sunshine peeking through rain clouds. Just...bright and wonderful, like you've really witnessed something special and beautiful- and- and-" Here Skyla's cheeks grew pink. "And.....she's really got the most astounding figure, just big lovely muscles that could crush you up and-"



"Going on a little night flight there, hon?" Jam pointed to Skyla's wings, which had slowly begun to unfold and tremble. Skyla promptly flushed crimson, and Jam snickered as the pegasus strained to get her wings back under control. "Wowie, you got it bad for this mystery mare, huh?"



"No." Skyla scowled. "She's a farmer from Ponyville. I'm the Crystal Princess. I've done the star-crossed lovers thing before, thank you very much, and it ended with me getting dumped by a fish. I've since learned my lesson- Royalty should only consort with royalty. To entertain anything less is-"



Jam was giving her a flat look. She suddenly lifted a hoof to her mouth and blew a sharp whistle through the gap in her teeth.





For a moment, there was silence, and then Artemis, heir to the night, manifested suddenly from a nearby shadow. Skyla squawked in alarm, fumbling to keep hold of her drink.



"Beloved!"



Skyla watched, goggle-eyed, as the proud, dignified Alicorn of the Eventide draped wobbly, unsteady hooves around Jam's shoulders- and let out an honest-to-Celestia giggle. "Marvelous festivities, dearest! We are having a most byoutif-beautific-...bluh...." Artemis tripped over their tongue, clearly drunk off their feathered ass. "....ah. Do pardon us, love, we've launched multiple raids on Mother's cabinet of ancient moonshine!" They gave a sheepish smile. "....What makes you summon us at this hour, darling?"



"Oh..." Jam hummed innocently, then looped her arm around Arte's hip. "No reason, honeypants. Just wanted to tell you that you shake your tailfeathers real sexy when you walk."



"Jam!" Skyla gaped, fully expecting Artemis to strike Jam down for her impunity.





But the alicorn only giggled again, cheeks flushing pink. "Insolent cur! Is that all?" And they pressed a clumsy kiss to Jam's muzzle, mumbling in a low tone. "...We thank you for noticing."



Artemis seemed to suddenly notice the flabbergasted pink pegasus before them, and turned to smile lightly at her. "Good evening, Princess Skyla. We trust thou is enjoying the gala- it is, after all, being manned by the finest mind in all Equestria." And the alicorn leaned down to murmur something naughty in Jam's ear- something that wasn't nearly as quiet or subtle as Artemis probably figured it was- then vanished in a wisp of smoke.



Skyla's mouth worked for a long moment, struggling to make sense of the world.



"Oh hey, lookit that." Jam drawled, "I just hit on a royal. I'm dating that royal. And later on, I'm gonna rock that royal's entire universe. And somehow, the world hasn't come to end! Who'da thunk it?"



"T-that's....that....." Skyla set her jaw. "T-that doesn't prove anything. Artemis and Iridescence may have no qualms about dipping below their stations, but it's....it's different for me." A frustrated sigh escaped her, and she grasped for the right words. "...Please. You must understand. The Crystal Empire spent an eternity lost in the terror of Sombra's reign- so much of our culture was lost. it's true, my parents rescued our subjects, but.....the black stain of fear has left its mark in the hearts of the Crystal ponies. They....need a figure to inspire them. To lead them, to be a flame of hope in which they can warm themselves. They need somepony to stoke the love and light that powers the Crystal Heart that keeps them safe. And that pony must be me." Skyla said quietly. "....I have to be as flawless as the crystal that surrounds the city. For my ponies." She smiled, and it was tinged with something like grief. "I can't afford to play around. I don't have time to consort with common ponies. I can't make mistakes."

"T-that's....that....." Skyla set her jaw. "T-that doesn't prove anything. Artemis and Iridescence may have no qualms about dipping below their stations, but it's....it's different for." A frustrated sigh escaped her, and she grasped for the right words. "...Please. Youunderstand. The Crystal Empire spent an eternity lost in the terror of Sombra's reign- so much of our culture was lost. it's true, my parents rescued our subjects, but.....the black stain of fear has left its mark in the hearts of the Crystal ponies. They....need a figure to inspire them. To lead them, to be a flame of hope in which they can warm themselves. They need somepony to stoke the love and light that powers the Crystal Heart that keeps them safe. And that pony must be me." Skyla said quietly. "....I have to be as flawless as the crystal that surrounds the city. For my ponies." She smiled, and it was tinged with something like grief. "I can't afford to play around. I don't have time to consort with common ponies. I can'tmistakes."









Jam glanced away, muttering under her breath.











Skyla swung her head up at once, glaring hotly. "What was that? Got something to say, party pony?"









Jam didn't so much as squirm under Skyla's intense glower, instead managing to return a rather impressive glare herself. "Yeah, actually I do, Miss Missy. I was just thinkin', about your sister-" She shrugged. "It's really no wonder she left."









Skyla mouth opened and closed, like a fish. "What?"









"I mean, under all that pressure? Sheesh. Poor girl probably cracked like a walnut." Jam mused, oblivious to Skyla's furious protest. "Who wouldn't?"











"I wouldn't." Skyla's wings flared open, and she lifted her chin- transforming in an instant from a drunken slump to the persona she'd donned a hundred times- regal, imposing, powerful. "Flurry Heart is a traitor and a coward. All her duties have fallen to me, and I'll take them on with pride, I'll do a better job than she ever could, I'll shoulder the weight of the whole damned world if I have to, because I'm-"









"A big. Fat. Chicken." Jam interrupted. She flapped her arms wildly, imitating the barnyard bird. "Look, I'm Princess Skyla! Bawk, bawk, bawk!"











"Excuse me?" Skyla flushed red with fury, leaping to loom over the pink pony. "How dare you?! Just who do you think you are?!"









"Oh, nobody important. Just an ordinary, run-of-the-mill, common pony." Jam lilted, her voice sugary sweet, "But the thing about ponies like me- like Cupcake, like Flurry Heart- us common ponies- is that we have the courage to go after the things that make us happy. We don't need to invent a reason to feel noble about ourselves for being too chicken to ask somepony out."













"I...I!" Skyla was sputtering with rage- "You don't-!"









Jam continued, nonplussed. "You think you're a martyr, but you ain't, princess. You're a big dumb scaredy-cat. You've locked yourself in a shiny gold cage, mopin' and pretending that's just the way of the world- oh, you couldn't possibly climb down off that ivory tower and mingle with us common folk. You've got to stay a beacon for your little ponies! What a crock." She scoffed. "Yeah, being a princess can't be easy, but I happen to know a few of em personally- and I know that nopony's asking you to make yourself miserable for the sake of Equestria. What good is that to anybody? No, I think you've told yourself a lie so many times you've started to believe it- that you're better off inside your little crystal prison, that you're so noble for sacrificing so much, for carrying out your dull duties and forever abstaining from making a real connection with anypony- especially us lil common ponies. Know what, princess? You're gonna rot up in your fancy royal tower, alone and miserable. All 'cause you're too afraid to-"









"Yes, I am afraid!" Skyla snarled. Furious tears welled up in her eyes, and despite her struggling, some began to spill. "Ponies like you....You can afford to be reckless! I can't!" Her breath came in hard pants, as though she'd been gut-punched. ""I can't do it because everyone leaves. Like a curse! Whenever I care about anyone....they leave. I don't....I-I don't know what it is about me that is so inherently unlovable, but the second anybody gets too close, they see it, and they take off! And I can't do it again! You want me to do what you did- try some stupid raunchy pick-up line and hope for the best- but you don't know what could happen! You don't! What if she doesn't feel the same? What if she's disgusted? What if it does work, and we're happy together....until she gets tired of me and leaves? Like Jin did? Like Pandora did?! Like Flurry did?!"









For all her efforts to look intimidating, Skyla's voice suddenly broke like glass, and the pegasus crumbled along with it. For several moments she sat gasping and and scrubbing at her red, tear-streaked face, vainly trying to regain her composure.











Jam observed the panting princess for a long moment, then shrugged. "....Yeah, I guess you're not wrong, princess. All of that could happen."



Skyla's shoulders sank, crushed. "I-"



"She might not feel the same. She might laugh at you. She might love you for a little while, and then she might leave, leaving you with a fresh layer of heartbreak in the terrible tuna salad sandwich we call life." Jam lamented. "....Or."



Skyla leaned forward, daring to hope. "....Or?"



"Or, it could be the one-in-a-million gamble that pays off. She might see something worth chasing in you too. She might laugh with you, a million times, on picnic blankets on cloudless days, in thick comforters on cold nights. She might love you, and you might love her, and you might have whole horde of chubby foals, and a lifetime of memories, and group seats together for bingo night at the nursing home, and matching graves for when you both bite the dust together, hoof in hoof."



The corner of Skyla's mouth turned up, and a tired huff of laughter escaped her. "That all sounds very realistic."



Jam returned the smile, then reached over to place a kind hoof around Skyla's shoulders. "Or, you might love her, and she'll love you, and the love might fizzle and fade, and maybe you'll part ways, and maybe it'll hurt- maybe even for a long time."



Skyla glanced down, playing with her hooves. "...Maybe."





"But it'll still feel good, to have loved and been loved, and to know that it'll happen again, because-"



Skyla's ears folded back, and for the first time, she looked quite small and vulnerable, like a lost foal. "Because...?"



Jam grinned, a blinding flash in the low lighting. "Criminy, for the almighty heir to the Princess of Love, you sure are dense." She took her hoof and tapped it to Skyla's chest. "Because- you utter dongle- you are a pony worth loving." She finished, simply. "Everypony is."



Skyla snorted- though not unkindly. ".....That's excessively simple."



"Nah. I think ponies like you just over-complicate, your majesty." Jam winked. "Sometimes the road to happiness really is as simple as shooting your big sis a postcard sometime....and askin' out Peachy Keen." "Nah. I think ponies like you just over-complicate, your majesty." Jam winked. "Sometimes the road to happiness really is as simple as shooting your big sis a postcard sometime....and askin' out Peachy Keen."









Skyla's eyes went as huge and terrified as a bunny caught in a bear trap. "H-How did you kn-"









"I didn't!" Jammie beamed. "But now I do! And lil word of advice, hon, if you're trying to keep your crush a secret- don't go on an entire flowery spiel about em. There's not a whole lotta green-eyed, sweet-smiled, mega-ripped farm-girls in Ponyville. It really wasn't that hard to figure out."









Skyla gave a rare, sheepish smile. "I'll, uh, try to keep that in mind." She bit her lip, seeking courage. "....Jamboree, when you first bounced over here, I thought you were the most irritating pony I'd ever met."





"Would you believe I get that a lot?" Jam had nimbly stolen Skyla's drinking glass, and was now filling it with root beer for herself. Sipping primly, she tossed a bright grin Skyla's way.









"But....I-I think I'm starting to understand now why Flurry left. There's a whole lot of world outside the Crystal Empire. A whole lot of ponies. Ponies that.....somehow have a fair bit of good sense....stuffed down deep in their silly cotton candy-filled heads."







"Here here!" Jam lifted her root beer, toasting merrily.









"....I've been trying to be the perfect princess for so long, Jamboree. Pristine and passive....closed off. Mean. Bitter. I...I didn't realize I'd walled myself into a prison of my own making- afraid to come out.....I didn't realize how afraid I've been, Jam." Skyla voice hitched, and Jam patted her back. "I would lay down my life in an instant to protect any of my subjects....but here I've been, too terrified to talk to one pony. I am a- what was that word you used? The insult?"

"Dongle?" Jam supplied helpfully.



"That." Skyla drew in a sharp breath, and it tumbled back out as laughter- warm, true laughter- god, she couldn't remember the last time she'd really laughed. "I'm such an idiot- a coward- the absolute biggest dongle in Equestria."

"Princess Skyla-"



"I'm through with it!" Skyla stood up abruptly, her wings bursting open in a victorious display. "Jamboree, you're a genius! I'm....I'm tired of being a coward! It's time to be brave! I'm gonna be young and reckless! So what if Peachy isn't my perfect Prince Charming? I don't even want Prince Charming- he sounds dull as dishwater! I'll....I'll be her Princess Charming! I-I'll sweep her right off her enormous hooves, Celestia as my witness!"

"I'mwith it!" Skyla stood up abruptly, her wings bursting open in a victorious display. "Jamboree, you're aI'm....I'mof being a coward! It's time to beI'm gonna be young and reckless! So what if Peachy isn't my perfect Prince Charming? I don't evenPrince Charming- he sounds dull as dishwater! I'll....I'll bePrincess Charming! I-I'll sweep her right off her enormous hooves, Celestia as my witness!"





Jam blinked at the loud, teetering pegasus. "That's a hell of an proclamation, an' I'm proud of ya, but I really think any and all potential life-changing decisions would be better left for tomorrow....after you shake off the hangover." She snickered. "You're sloshed, Princess."



"I am not drunk-" Skyla broke into a sudden belch, "I really am gonna woo her." She pouted for a moment- then relaxed, letting out a sigh. "But....if I don't, that's.....that's okay too." She swallowed. "The important thing....is to stop being afraid to try."

"I amdrunk-" Skyla broke into a sudden belch, "I reallygonna woo her." She pouted for a moment- then relaxed, letting out a sigh. "But....if I don't, that's.....that's okay too." She swallowed. "The important thing....is to stop being afraid to









Skyla turned to her pink companion, feeling brave. "I.....I'm very sorry for being so cruel to you tonight, Miss Jamboree. Would you, ah-" Her newfound courage hit an abrupt snag, and she glanced down shyly. "W-would you...be open to the possibility of.....fraternizing later? I-In a less formal setting, of course-"





"I don't fraternize on the first date." Jam winked, snickering when Skyla predictably went red- ".....But if that's your awkward-as-heck, super stuffy way of asking if I'd wanna hang out sometime, then sure, princess." Jam rummaged behind the bar counter for a glass of water, then slid it toward Skyla. "Ya can sleep off the booze in the lower castle quarters, and who knows, maybe tomorrow we can snag some post-party waffles from the kitchens. We'll paint each other's hooves, swap schmaltzy romance novels.....and maybe I'll give ya another peptalk when ya inevitably try to wimp out of talkin' to your crush again."





Despite herself, Skyla smiled, warm and genuine. "....I think I'd like that very much, Jamboree Sandwich."









Jam returned the smile, and Skyla felt something new flicker through her body- a spark of real courage, a bit of warm reassurance- the feeling that everything, perhaps, might turn out alright after all.









Then Skyla realized what the churning, warm, full-body feeling really was.







"....Jamboree, would you mind distracting everypony for a moment? I think I need to go throw up in the shrubbery."













"Huh?...Oh, ha. No worries, your highness." Jam stifled a chuckle, then snapped a pair of party shades onto her face. "The Mistress of Ceremonies has ya covered."









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