Masai Ujiri is a man who believes in growth. Holding that belief is what endears him most to me as a fellow dreamer.

To believe in growth is to believe in the power of humanity. It’s the belief that through learning, work, innovation, experience and adversity we can change our condition. To believe in growth is to reject fate for empowerment. It is truly a beautiful way to live life.

Growth is how Ujiri will evaluate the Raptors in Year Four of the happy accident as it stumbles through yet another painful playoff push. This is the year Ujiri pushed his chips into the table to see what this team is all about because this summer is the fork in the road.

If they keep growing, Ujiri will continue to believe. If they keep having recurring nightmares like Game 3, then it might be time to wake up.

What bothered me about Game 3 wasn’t that the Raptors didn’t look ready to play, or that they fell down 20 early and never recovered, or even that they’re in a 2–1 hole. I didn’t even care about being embarrassed on national TV anymore since that’s already our reputation.

What bothered me most was that we’ve seen this story before. We’ve seen the Raptors tripped up by the same things each year. We’ve seen slow adjustments from Dwane Casey. We’ve seen Kyle Lowry unable to generate offense against intensified pressure. We’ve seen DeMar DeRozan neutralized on offense and descend into being a black hole on both ends. We’ve seen the Raptors play soft both physically and mentally. This feeling of disappointment isn’t new.

The Raptors should have gotten past this a long time ago. Why does it feel like Jason Kidd knows everything the Raptors will do, but yet we’re completely shocked by Kidd’s every move? Why are the same defensive schemes used in 2014 by Paul Pierce and Shaun Livingston coming back to haunt us four years later in the form of Tony Snell and Matthew Dellavedova? Why did Lowry and DeRozan allow themselves to get swallowed by Milwaukee’s ball pressure instead of moving the rock to beat the trap? It’s deja vu in the worst way.

We were supposed to be past this. The Raptors have dealt with more lumps than a plastic surgeon over the last four years. We were young and inexperienced against the Nets. We were humbled, injured and flawed against the Wizards. We got past the first round, then the second round, then got our heads handed to us by the eventual champions, but not before taking two wins off LeBron James.

The Raptors should be long past the point of being stuck on the same fucking problems.

But after Game 3 I can’t help but feel like we’re back at Mississauga Square One. We learned our lessons, we innovated our game plan and our roster, we accumulated experience and we’ve definitely had our adversity. So where is the growth? How come after every loss I’m looking at the Raptors like they’re the Clippers?

Are we resigned to fate? It’s got me questioning if growth is even possible. Maybe we have to become someone different in order to expect something different. Maybe we don’t bring back Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan or Dwane Casey? Maybe these pieces were just too flawed from the start no matter who else we bring in to help? Maybe we’re all just who we are, and although the passage of time teases change, that nothing truly changes and that growth is just a careful lie we tell ourselves to wake up in the morning.

I’m sure that as a fellow dreamer, that Ujiri is asking himself the same questions I am about the Raptors. Are they really going anywhere?

Ujiri will need to see growth and it has to come quickly. Any hope generated from last year’s playoff run, any spark from this year’s midseason trades, any momentum rolled over from their encouraging finish to the season, all that is lost. The Raptors are in a bar fight with the Bucks (YOU EVER BEEN IN A BAR FIGHT, CRAIG?), just like every playoff series before this one, and how they finish this series will determine what will be going forward.

Growth is a beautiful concept. It really is. To believe that you can get better is truly a powerful way to live life. I want to believe that the Raptors have grown but they need to show it right now to salvage the series. It’s not good enough to live in the forever unattainable yet satisfactory glow of growth but actually be stuck in the same place.

Otherwise what are we really doing here?