ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A new report issued this morning by the nation’s peak scientific body has found that England can suck on that one.

Speaking in to the media in Canberra this morning, Professor Roger Spears from the CSIRO sports science department said the research began on this study way back on the 25th of June and the evidence they collected from then until now can only point to one conclusion.

“While parts of the study are still on going, initial reports suggest that England as a whole, can suck on that one. It’s also the most overrated country in Europe because everything is old and fucked – and I’m not talking about their government!”

Professor Spears paused for the ABC reporter to stop laughing.

“Ah yes, anyway. Judging from their performance last night at Lords and the country’s general outlook for the future, I feel this conclusion the CSIRO has come to is very unlikely to change in the future,”

“However, this conclusion is subject to change if England win their first-ever world cup. Which, we’ve found to be, as likely as England prospering after they get booted from the EU.”

The Advocate reached out to the British High Commission in Canberra for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.