Some days Daniela Esquivel Asturias, 21, wakes up feeling feminine and puts on a dress or lipstick. But on others Asturias feels much more masculine and the thought of wearing a skirt induces an overwhelming sense of dysphoria.

“I would be equally comfortable with a male or female body. My male personality is more outgoing than my female one. It’s like having both male and female energies and some days a mix of both,” Asturias says.



Because the words to describe us are new people think being non-binary is a fad. But people have always felt non-binary Clo,23

The student from Costa Rica is gender fluid, and doesn’t identify with one gender, instead fluctuating between feeling more male or female. .

It’s hard to explain, Asturias says, before referring to the way society tends to define gender, on a spectrum. “At one end is being male and the other female, and you kind of move between the two, and usually remain in the middle.”

This is just one of the individual stories sent to the Guardian as part of a survey inviting millennials to define their gender.

Young people are increasingly challenging conventional gender stereotypes – half the US millennials surveyed by Fusion agree gender isn’t limited to male and female. OkCupid and Facebook now offer custom gender identities to include a variety of options such as “androgynous”. In the US some universities accept gender-neutral pronouns – allowing students to be called “they” rather than “he” or “she”.

We received 914 replies from 65 countries around the world (including some from a group of people who claimed they defined their gender as an “attack helicopter”, which, while in some cases funny, didn’t seem entirely sincere ...). The majority of submissions came from the UK (302), followed by the US (209) and Canada (78). The median age of participants was 22. Replies ranged from people who felt comfortable with their birth gender, to people who felt agender, trans, and multigender.

Waking up to your gender identity

Many of those who responded discovered their gender identity at different points in their lives.

For Jo, 25, a cis woman from the UK, her gender identity has always been clear. “I am definitely a female. I don’t really know how to identify as anything else ... it wasn’t a choice; it was more of a fact of life for me.”

Gender fluidity went pop in 2015 – and it's not just a phase Read more

She adds: “We are born as male or female, much like I’m born alive rather than dead. Some young people do see this very differently, and this will be a culture change for the world.”



For Ham, 20, who was born in to a British Muslim family, awakening to their gender identity, which is androgynous, began much more gradually. “It came about over the last few years mainly because of social media and blogging. I started to discover different views on gender and became more comfortable talking about how I felt ”

Ham has decided to leave the Muslim faith but says telling family members about feeling agender and bisexual would be far more difficult. “They are less likely to accept my saying that.”

Mike, 32, has always felt different, but he only recently came out to his wife as trans, saying he could no longer cope with hiding it. “At first she was very shocked but she supports me, and lets me express myself around the house or out and about where no one knows me ... Now I have opened this box these feelings of insecurity, and guilt over what I’m doing to my wife and what people will think of me are there all the time.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Payton Quinn gravitated towards masculine clothes as a teenager.

“If I was a blank canvas with nobody who loves me and depends on me, yes I would transition, but I’m not, so I have to make the best of my situation. If I did transition, I would lose my wife who is the only person who really cares for me and our child,” Mike says. For now, Mike dresses as a woman at home and has longer hair to feel more feminine.

In the case of Payton Quinn, 24, gender is ever evolving. Quinn gravitated towards masculine clothes as a teenager. “I cut my hair short and started binding my chest. I tried my best to pass as male.”

This behaviour caused other kids to pick fights, and after getting badly injured Quinn felt forced back to presenting as a woman. But, after striking up a new relationship two years ago, Quinn felt strong enough to appear as male again.

“My friends started using male pronouns and one day someone referred to me as male, but I felt uncomfortable. It got me thinking – am I sure about this?” It was then that Quinn found out about gender fluidity. “I would say I am gender fluid but also non-binary and trans. My gender is an evolving thing, like my sexuality, the more I explore it the more it changes. The only reason why I feel I should put a label on it is just to make it easier for other people.”

Young and transgender

There were advances in 2015 for trans visibility and rights, but many respondents talked about the challenges young trans people still face.

A lot of older people aren’t used to talking about non-binary genders, so a little more patience is needed for them Allie, 21

Parker Dell, 24, a trans male from the UK argues that the focus on trans issues actually has its downsides. “Caitlyn Jenner is just another reality TV star, but she’s got people talking, and often not in a positive way. Gender identity clinic waiting times have absolutely shot up in the last year, because suddenly people are realising that they’re transgender. Not only is supply utterly failing to meet demand, but young trans people are being accused of copying celebrities.”

Dell adds that while the growth in role models is good, the idea that a young person is choosing to be trans as part of a trend (dubbed “transtrender”) is stupid and hurtful. “It’s something too many young people have to deal with.”

Alexis Strazds, 23, from Canada is a late bloomer in terms of her transsexuality. “It hit me when I stumbled upon the trans timelines, ie trans people posting before/after pictures of their transition. I looked through a bunch and noticed I was feeling envious of those women. Then I was, like, ‘Oh, that probably says something.’”

Alexis Strazds has faced stigmatisation but says transphobic people tend to just avoid her.

She adds: “Over the last couple of years my gender identity has grown a lot, and those shifts towards who I am now, while not without hardship, have felt really great, like I’m genuinely, actually alive now, and like I’m growing and finding myself.”

Strazds has faced some stigmatisation. “Most of the people who are transphobic kinda just avoid me so I don’t have to deal with it much. I mean there’s creepy and rude people here and there, but that’s kinda it. I gravitate towards good queers, so most of the people in my life are queer people with good gender politics.”

Kyle McQuillan, 27, from the US, is male, but was born female. He identifies as a gay man, saying: “Sometimes I feel more gender fluid, but never female. It’s who I have been my entire life.”



He says that we’ve come a long way in the last six years, but not far enough. “I’m not seen to have a mental illness any more, but I still need four letters for a surgeon to perform my top surgery according to Obamacare. Two from physicians approved by the system and two from therapists approved, as well. Of course, due to this, the waiting list is months, and then depending on the therapist the length of time for which you will need to see them varies.”

McQuillan adds that dating is also challenging as women are afraid they’ll be labelled lesbian. “I’ve heard similar stories from trans women [about men being seen as gay]. But there are also those who stand up for us in the gay community. A friend and I went to a strip club, both of us are transgender, and were told we needed to come back on ladies night if we wanted a lap dance, and a friend of ours, a gay man, also a drag queen, stood up for us. Even in the gay community we experience discrimination, but the more that our voices are heard, the more acceptance we are receiving.”

A generation apart

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Kyle McQuillan, who was born female, has always known he is a man.

Generation Y has been dubbed the gender-fluid generation – Orange is the New Black star Ruby Rose and pop singer Miley Cyrus both identify in this way.

The Guardian received 104 responses from people who felt gender fluid to a greater or lesser extent. For some this even meant fluctuating between a multitude of genders. Cam, 20, from Ireland has experienced as many as 10 different genders, including male, female, bigender and agender. “Yesterday I came across another word: fluid flux. This fits with me because I experience several genders but they vary in intensity. They are socially constructed genders inasmuch as I would probably have described them differently in another civilisation, but the feeling is still innate.”

Cam is one of many young people asking questions. And this willingness to acknowledge gender diversity is something millennials recognise in themselves. A majority of those who responded (446) felt that they did have a different outlook towards gender compared to older generations. However, a large number (346) also disagreed, and not everyone responded to this question.

Allie, 21, from the UK, who defines as agenderflux, says: “A lot of older people aren’t as used to talking about non-binary genders as my generation are, so a little more patience is needed for them, I guess. I’ve been told some people in older generations have been confused between terms and different non-binary identities.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Allie’s family are becoming used to non-binary terms.

Allie adds that there is still, however,a lot of transphobic language, such as “tranny”, thrown around by acquaintances of all ages. “I don’t think a lot of people realise it’s offensive.”

Adam, 20, from the Netherlands, has transitioned from female to male. He doesn’t think generation Y has been brought up with different ideals, but as digital natives young people of this generation can research gender themselves online.

“We had the chance to get more information than what was provided to us by older generations. When textbooks at school didn’t give enough information we looked it up ourselves. If there are things that are taboo or difficult to talk about with people close to you, you can find people online struggling with the same things.”

Clo, 23, from the US – who identifies as transmasculine, gender fluid, non-binary, and queer trans – says their family cannot accept them for who they are. “People think, just because the words to describe us are new, that being non-binary is a fad. But people have always lived and felt non-binary – there’s just a label for it now. And behind that label is a community, people who respect you and lift you up. We’re not a trend. We’re humans and this is integral to our sense of self. Acknowledging our humanity and identity doesn’t harm you.”