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PM Boris holds his last staff briefing inside Number 10 Downing Street.

00:00 - 00:03 We must now beg Merkel for any deal.

00:04 - 00:05 We will fily with Easyjet.

00:05 - 00:07 Then take the SkyBus in to Berlin.

00:08 - 00:12 It will make you seem like a humble man of the people.

00:12 - 00:15 And we can stay in an Ibis here. Breakfast included.

00:17 - 00:19 Why don't I just have-

00:19 - 00:21 A - what's it called - an election?

00:24 - 00:26 My Boris-

00:27 - 00:28 Parliament have-

00:31 - 00:33 They have voted down your request for an election.

00:34 - 00:36 We are not leaving the EU on Halloween.

00:53 - 00:58 I need some time alone with Dom, Nikki and the other one.

01:13 - 01:15 You promised me it would work!

01:15 - 01:17 You said parliament was powerless!

01:18 - 01:23 I sacked Ken Clarke and Winston Churchill's grandson!

01:25 - 01:28 But most unforgivably-

01:29 - 01:31 You've made me look like a girl!

01:31 - 01:34 This is worse than when I tried to have that journalist beaten up!

01:34 - 01:37 At least then somebody stopped me!

01:37 - 01:40 But you lot, you only encourage me!

01:40 - 01:42 My Boris, negotiations with the EU are going well-

01:42 - 01:46 There are no negotiations! We made that up!

01:46 - 01:48 My Boris, we will call Corbyn a chicken-

01:48 - 01:52 What does it matter, with no election!

01:53 - 01:54 Now the public have time!

01:56 - 01:57 They will see through my charade-

01:57 - 02:00 They are already saying I am worse than Theresa May-

02:00 - 02:03 And she was the worst Prime Minister ever!

02:04 - 02:08 Even my own brother disowned me.

02:08 - 02:13 And he is hardly some kind of political genius!

02:14 - 02:16 And Jacob bloody Rees-Mogg!

02:17 - 02:21 Who on earth thought that was a good idea?

02:27 - 02:29 I was born to be Prime Minister

02:30 - 02:34 I went to Eton, the cradle of selfless leadership.

02:34 - 02:36 I was fifth in house debating!

02:41 - 02:42 I spent so many years

02:43 - 02:47 Playing the buffoon on 'Have I Got News for You'

02:48 - 02:53 Being insulted by Hislop and Merton for nothing!

02:54 - 02:56 And then all the insufferable bullshit as Mayor!

02:56 - 02:59 So many years of scheming and backstabbing!

03:00 - 03:02 All for six poxy weeks as Prime Minister!

03:04 - 03:07 It's okay Amber, the Lib Dems will have us.

03:14 - 03:16 I feel like that time I was dangling on a zip line.

03:19 - 03:23 And the entire country was laughing at me.

03:25 - 03:26 Are they laughing now?

03:31 - 03:33 Don't answer that.

03:40 - 03:46 I still have my column in the telegraph for 250k a year.

03:46 - 03:49 Tell the writer I want to see him.