Photograph by Justin Sullivan/Getty

AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—Lashing out at what he called the “Soviet-style” tactics of the indictments against him, Texas Governor Rick Perry said on Tuesday that the government had “grossly overstepped its traditional role of mandating transvaginal ultrasounds.”

Speaking to supporters in Austin, Perry blasted the indictments and called for a return to an era of limited government that focusses on requiring gynecological procedures.

“We are living in dark days indeed when the state of Texas is spending time and money probing its officials instead of its women,” he said, to thunderous applause.

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