As a mixed-heritage young Englishman, one of the best days of my life and proudest moments of my career was representing my country at under‑21 level, being a part of an occasion where we played in the first match at the newly built Wembley stadium.

Stepping out on to the hallowed turf, wearing that white shirt and hearing the national anthem in front of my family, both black and white, still gives me goose bumps and fills me with pride at not only representing the country I am proud to be a citizen of but also the traditions of representing a nation that has the honour of being revered as the home of football.

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I never had the opportunity to represent England at first-team level, so that day was as close to the dream as I got and it’s with great sadness – but no surprise – that I have witnessed the very people who represent what should be our proud, historic footballing institution, the FA, make appalling decisions in relation to the morals and values that our national game should stand for.

You would have hoped that it might have learned from historical mistakes but the dismal and amateurish handling of Eni Aluko and Drew Spence’s complaints at the unacceptable comments made by Mark Sampson, the former manager of the England women’s team, is a new low for an organisation that stumbles from one crisis to another.

I cannot fathom how a man in Sampson’s position would even think of such things, never mind say them, and, while his actions are inexcusable, he shouldn’t be hung out to dry by an institution which in its clumsy, insensitive attempts to cover up the scandal has shown itself to be just as amoral and culpable as the perpetrator himself.

This tawdry episode is part of a much wider picture when you consider that in February of this year a motion of no confidence was passed by MPs debating the FA’s ability to reform itself. The changes recommended were to instigate much greater representation in positions of authority, in terms of diversity for players, coaches, fans and the grassroots game.

The organisation has made some governance changes since. But had the FA acted fully on the advice do we believe the investigation into Sampson and Aluko would have been handled with greater care, and by people who have a greater degree of empathy to deal with issues based on race and gender?

Would a more empathetic and understanding leadership have dealt with the problem in a more tasteful and transparent way? Would a more empathetic and understanding leadership have employed certain individuals within their organisation in the first place?

I’ll be honest with you and admit that, in my career, if I made an official complaint every time I heard myself or other players on the end of unsavoury words or “banter” based on race, sexual orientation, nationality or gender, I would be a part of an investigation on a daily or weekly basis. But this does not make it acceptable.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Drew Spence and Eni Aluko in action for Chelsea Ladies earlier in 2017. Photograph: Chelsea FC via Getty Images

I commend the two England players for standing up for their principles when it would have been easier to sweep it under the carpet and not face the public scrutiny and inevitable questioning of their characters that they have been exposed to. They are braver individuals than me and that is how society moves forward – when courageous individuals question the status quo and its hierarchy.

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We live in an age when all religions, races and genders should be comfortable to be themselves, without fear of prejudice in any walk of life. Football is watched and played by billions of people all over the world and so should be at the forefront of promoting tolerance and respect for all and, at the very least, be representative of the people.

The FA must realise it has arrived at a watershed moment in terms of our national game and if it doesn’t reform then these mistakes will regrettably continue to be made. Until it understands that the diversity of our society should be mirrored in the decision-making process, creating empathetic and understanding leadership in our sport, we will be stuck in our tracks on and off the pitch.

Like Aluko and Spence, the FA has a chance to be courageous and do the right thing. It can choose to radically alter its structure, legislate with equality and prevent these embarrassing episodes in the future and, in doing so, it could regain trust and support. It also has the chance to restore the respect and pride we all have in our country and inspire the millions of boys, girls, men and women of all different races, religions and communities who dream of wearing the famous white shirt of England.

Maybe then we can put the FA back at the heart of the home of football.