LONDON, ON – Western University has confirmed the smooth-talking star from the documentary “Dazed and Confused” will receive an honourary doctorate and speak at next year’s convocation for undergraduate students.

Despite two consecutive years of convocation speakers making misogynistic remarks forcing the university to apologize, administrators say David Wooderson will inspire the class of 2020 with his wisdom about women, growing up in a small town outside of Austin, Texas, and never growing up.

In a telephone interview, Wooderson said he was “alright” to hear that he was chosen by the distinguished post-secondary institution.

“[I’ve] been thinkin’ about getting’ back in school though, man,” said Wooderson presumably leaning against the outside wall of local pool hall with a group of impressionable high school teenagers. “That’s where all the girls are, right?”

Wooderson explained that his honourary PhD in Livin’ will help him leave his job at the city and pursue a post-secondary education.

“That’s what I love about these [college] girls, man. I get older, and they stay the same age,” chuckled Wooderson. “…yes they do.”

At press time, Western was preparing another formal apology for next year.