Here is a selection of 'media equations' that have been commissioned from academics (of 'boffins', as we like to know them) on slow news days. Maybe we could put them on cards, perhaps with the meaning of the variables, and get the guests to work out what each is for.



Happiness

Code: P + (5E) + (3H)

P = Personal Characteristics, including outlook on life, adaptability and resilience.

E = Existence and relates to health, financial stability and friendships.

H = Higher Order needs, and covers self-esteem, expectations, ambitions and sense of humour.

There is an accompanying list of questions on which the equations are based, that generate numerical values to put into the equation.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2630869.stm



A great arse

P = Personal Characteristics, including outlook on life, adaptability and resilience.E = Existence and relates to health, financial stability and friendships.H = Higher Order needs, and covers self-esteem, expectations, ambitions and sense of humour.There is an accompanying list of questions on which the equations are based, that generate numerical values to put into the equation. Code: (S+C) x (B+F)

--------------

(T-V)

S = overall shape (a ripe peach being just about right)

C = circularity (rounder is better)

B = bounciness (less wobble is preferred)

F = firmness (too much push to that cushion loses points)

T = skin texture (no cellulite, please)

V = the ratio of one's hips to waist. Finally, do the math.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,191622,00.html



Whether to hire a prostitute

U = satisfaction. It's what you, as a prostitute, care about - the satisfaction you gain from selling your services. Economists like to call it "utility", which is why they like to use the letter "U".

L i= amount of leisure you have.

C = amount of goods and services you, as a consumer, consume.

S = amount of prostitution you, as a prostitute, sell to your customers.

W = going price for prostitutes.

R = measure of your reputation.

The whole situation, seemingly so complicated, boils down to a nice partial differential equation. Here it is - a Della Giusta, Di Tommaso and Strom's rule of thumb for prostitutes. You, a prostitute, find it worthwhile to sell your services when:

S = overall shape (a ripe peach being just about right)C = circularity (rounder is better)B = bounciness (less wobble is preferred)F = firmness (too much push to that cushion loses points)T = skin texture (no cellulite, please)V = the ratio of one's hips to waist. Finally, do the math.U = satisfaction. It's what you, as a prostitute, care about - the satisfaction you gain from selling your services. Economists like to call it "utility", which is why they like to use the letter "U".L i= amount of leisure you have.C = amount of goods and services you, as a consumer, consume.S = amount of prostitution you, as a prostitute, sell to your customers.W = going price for prostitutes.R = measure of your reputation.The whole situation, seemingly so complicated, boils down to a nice partial differential equation. Here it is - a Della Giusta, Di Tommaso and Strom's rule of thumb for prostitutes. You, a prostitute, find it worthwhile to sell your services when: Code: [(δU/δL) / (δU/δC) | Sp=0] ≤ w - [(δU/δr) / (δU/δC) | S = 0]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/story/0,,2032704,00.html



Sod's Law

Code: ((U+C+I) x (10-S))/20 x A x 1/(1-sin(F/10))

U = urgency

C = complexity

I = importance

S = skill

F = frequency

Each variable is scored between 0 and 9. A sixth, aggravation (A), was set at 0.7 by the boffins after their poll of 1,000 people.

http://www.britishgasnews.co.uk/index.asp?PageID=16&Year=2004&NewsID=623



Optimal biscuit dunking



(They don't mention the meaning of the variables, though.)



http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/462987.stm



Saddest day of the year

U = urgencyC = complexityI = importanceS = skillF = frequencyEach variable is scored between 0 and 9. A sixth, aggravation (A), was set at 0.7 by the boffins after their poll of 1,000 people.(They don't mention the meaning of the variables, though.) Code: ([W + (D-d)] x TQ) ÷ (M x NA)

W = weather

D = debt

d = money due in January pay

T = time elapsed since Christmas

Q = time since failed New Year's resolutions to quit smoking, drinking etc,

M = general motivational levels

NA = the need to take action

http://living.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=108812006



Beer goggle effectiveness



An = number of units of alcohol consumed

S = smokiness of the room (graded from 0-10, where 0 clear air; 10 extremely smoky)

L = luminance of 'person of interest' (candelas per square metre; typically 1 pitch black; 150 as seen in normal room lighting)

Vo = Snellen visual acuity (6/6 normal; 6/12 just meets driving standard)

d = distance from 'person of interest' (metres; 0.5 to 3 metres)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4468884.stm



Procrastination

W = weatherD = debtd = money due in January payT = time elapsed since ChristmasQ = time since failed New Year's resolutions to quit smoking, drinking etc,M = general motivational levelsNA = the need to take actionAn = number of units of alcohol consumedS = smokiness of the room (graded from 0-10, where 0 clear air; 10 extremely smoky)L = luminance of 'person of interest' (candelas per square metre; typically 1 pitch black; 150 as seen in normal room lighting)Vo = Snellen visual acuity (6/6 normal; 6/12 just meets driving standard)d = distance from 'person of interest' (metres; 0.5 to 3 metres) Code: U = E x V / I x D

U = desire to complete the task

E = the expectation of success

V = the value of completion

I = the immediacy of task

D = the personal sensitivity to delay



Source U = desire to complete the taskE = the expectation of successV = the value of completionI = the immediacy of taskD = the personal sensitivity to delay