SURPRISE AI GAME! While you're all waiting for the next Groundhog Day, I'm releasing a scaled-down version of the long-promised AI Middle East, this time guaranteed to finish (because I already finished the whole thing months ago). So, let's meet our contenders!



First off, we have Byzantium under Justinian I in Constantinople, Ataturk of Turkey in Ankara, Zenobia of Palmyra in Palmyra, and Baldwin IV of Jerusalem in Jerusalem.

Moving south, we see Saladin of the Ayyubids in Cairo, Ramesses II of Egypt in Thebes, and Piye of Nubia in Meroe. Over in Arabia we also have Umar of the Rashidun in Medina and Hussein bin Ali of Hejaz in Mecca.

In our most crowded area, we see Tigranes II of Armenia in Artashat, Mustafa Barzani of the Kurds in Hewler, Sammuramat of Assyria in Nimrud (soon to be renamed to Assur for geographic accuracy), Eannatum of Sumer in Ur, Rasulzade of Azerbaijan in Baku, Mohammed Reza Pahlavi of Iran in Tehran, Abbas I of the Safavids in Isfahan, and Mithridates I of Parthia in Nisa.

And lastly we have the Cyrus of the Achaemenids in Pasargadae, along with our three Gulf states: Abdulaziz ibn Saud of Saudi Arabia in Riyadh, Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan al-Nahyan of the United Arab Emirates in Abu Dhabi, and Saif bun Sultan of Oman in Muscat.



Now, let's get this party started!

Unsurprisingly, Turkey is the first to found a pantheon, and Ataturk chooses the generic AI belief: Goddess of Protection.

The Kurds are among the first to found a second city, in the process stealing Mount Ararat from its rightful Armenian owners.

The Safavids forward settle Iran, although they didn't have much choice. Mithridates chooses a conservative settlement along the edge of the map.

Saudi Arabia, Sumer, and the UAE settle hopeless cities in the flat desert, although at least Dubai has some sea resources. Hejaz settles in some decent land near the bottom of the map. And the Achaemenids also settle on the coast, but it's another terrible spot with almost no food. This is going to be a theme throughout this game, I think.

Egypt and Nubia both forgo the fertile Nile Valley in favour of settlements in the hills near the Red Sea. The Rashidun also settle a city in the wasteland heart of Arabia.

Mesopotamia just got a lot more complicated, as Assyria and Palmyra both settle near the Euphrates. Armenia settles on the Black Sea while Azerbaijan sticks to the Caspian.

Here's a close look at that Rashidun city, which is among the worst cities I've ever seen. All but three of the tiles in its workable radius are resourceless flat desert (although who knows what strategic resources might appear there later).

Saudi Arabia gets what is by far the best pantheon for this map: Desert Folklore. Will it make them any less screwed? probably not.

The Ayyubids settle their second city on the Red Sea coast right next to Memphis. Ramesses will not be happy about this.

Byzantium forward settles Turkey, which is probably a necessary move if Justinian wants to break out of his corner. Turkey also settles a second city, choosing a very good spot to their east.

Oman finally settles into the Empty Quarter of the Rub al-Khali desert. At least there are some luxuries there.

Iran settles its second city in the hills near IRL Tabriz. What this city lacks in food will surely be made up for in production.

Jerusalem settles on the Gulf of Aqaba, across from Mount Sinai. If Baldwin can get that natural wonder soon, he might snag a religion slot. But first, he founds a pantheon, choosing God of the Open Sky for the one pasture in his territory.

Saudi Arabia founds Islam on turn 24, thanks to every single tile providing faith. Ibn Saud has even beaten Turkey, a civ infamous for its ability to found religions early.

Speak of the devil, Turkey founds Buddhism on the very next turn.

Parthia is the first to build a wonder, completing the Temple of Artemis, a vital asset on a map where food is a scarce resource everywhere except a few choice locations.

Azerbaijan is already trading with Iran. I see Rasulzade hasn't heard about the sanctions.

Aha, it's our first war! The Achaemenids attack the Safavids as Cyrus flexes his UU, a spearman replacement that can be seen between Pasargadae and Susa. In the public test round, the Safavids were among the first civs to die, so we may be seeing a repeat of that experience.



This is as good a time as any to note that I have Historic Eras, Enlightenment Era, and Future Worlds all active. In the test round the game ended before anyone reached the end of the tech tree.

That same turn, the Rashidun found a pantheon giving them +2 faith from quarries. This isn't a bad choice considering there will be up to four quarries at Medina alone.

After founding its religion on turn 24, Saudi Arabia enhances it on turn 34. Desert Folklore really does work wonders.

Jerusalem is the first to found a third city, and it's a good strategic choice. For now, at least, Jerusalem will control the Suez Canal.



In the background the Safavids and Achaemenids end their brief war, while Kurdistan (winner of the public test round) builds the Great Library.

Turkey enhances its own religion five turns after Saudi Arabia. It's clear who our two religious powerhouses are, as no one else has even founded one yet.



Also of note: Armenia settles another city along the Black Sea coast.

Parthia takes its turn attacking the Safavids, while the Achaemenids build the Statue of Zeus in preparation for their next assault on Isfahan.

Another war! Palmyra attacks Sumer and is sending a small force of warriors (and one archer) to take Uruk. I don't know why Zenobia thinks she wants Uruk, but even so, it's not clear she'll be able to take it with so few units.

Iran joins Parthia in attacking the Safavids. Abbas I really is in trouble here.

Oh no, this can only end badly. Turkey has attacked Armenia, and we... uh... well, you know.



By the way, in the public test round, Armenia eliminated Turkey. It was sweet, sweet vengeance.

Later that same turn, the Kurds declare war on Assyria! Sammuramat, who is completely unprepared to deal with the large Kurdish army, can do nothing but wash as warriors, spearmen, and archers swarm down the Tigris and Euphrates.

Barzani captures and razes Nimrud! This might not be the best decision for the Kurds, but it certainly does cripple Assyria.

Meanwhile, Palmyra is damaging Uruk, but Zenobia only has three units left. If I recall correctly, Palmyra moves last, so this may be the high point of her siege of Uruk.

Over in Persia, the Safavids are in dire straits as Iran pounds Isfahan from the north. It will take a diplomatic miracle for Abbas to make it out of this intact.

In a move that surprises no one, Egypt and Nubia declare war on the Ayyubids to rid themselves of that dirty forward settle. In the background, Palmyra takes a stand against the Kurds by allying with Assyria.

Dvin falls to yellow health under the bombardment of Egyptian war chariots, but it's Nubia that has melee units in better positions. This is rare for Nubia, which usually has a severe and crippling ranged unit bias.

Ptolemy releases a list on turn 50, telling us that most civs have nine techs. Thanks, Ptolemy.

Two things to note here: first, Nimrud is gone; and second, Turkey and Armenia call off their inconclusive war with a white peace settlement.

As Kurdish troops approach Assur, it becomes clear that Palmyra's siege of Uruk has completely failed. However, the city has converted to Islam, so that's something. And in Persia, no one seems to have completely broken through the Safavid defenses yet.

Jerusalem launches a disjointed attack against the Rashidun. Essentially, Baldwin IV is sending his troops to die.

And, as you probably saw on the previous slide, Nubia has captured Dvin. I can't imagine Ramesses is terribly pleased with this turn of events.

Aha, finally some progress against the Safavids! Tabriz is taking damage, primarily from Iranian archers, but Parthia is the one with the melee units.

Armenia declares war on Iran, but how Tigranes intends to attack Mashhad with this tech and in this terrain is a mystery to me.

Tabriz falls to black, and only Parthia has a melee unit nearby. Also of note: Kurdistan founds Confucianism, leaving I believe two or three religion slots still open.

The next turn, no one has taken Tabriz, but the Achaemenids have declared war on the Safavids again. And Turkey has reformed Buddhism.

Saudi Arabia awakes from its slumber and attacks Sumer, which has virtually no production and hasn't recovered from Zenobia's earlier assault.

The Rashidun snag the fourth religion, founding Hinduism, while Palmyra jumps on the faith game by building Stonehenge.

As the siege of Uruk progresses, Saudi Arabia reforms Islam, and a Hejazi army moves east across the desert.

Nubia, already the first to unlock composite bowmen (obsoleting its UU in the process), further enhances its military with the Terracotta Army.

Saudi Arabia captures Uruk, giving ibn Saud another useless flat desert city. Eannatum makes peace with Zenobia, but it's too little, too late.

After Parthia and Iran hopelessly bungles the siege, the Acheamenids sweep in and take Tabriz for them. How embarrassing.

Zenobia decides to betray her ally and break the stalemate between the Kurds and Assyria. If Sammuramat wasn't screwed before, she is now.

Assur begins to take damage, the Saudis approach Ur, and Ramesses builds the Pyramids. Too bad he doesn't own their IRL location yet.

The Safavids recapture Tabriz, but this appears to be a temporary affair, as units of three nations swarm back in for the kill.

The Kurds and Turkey team up for the first time in the history of the world, united in a common hatred of Palmyra. I'm not sure Zenobia is ready for this.

Tabriz falls again, only this time to Parthia. Still, no one has succeeded in doing much damage to Isfahan.

Isfahan falls to yellow, and it appears to be the Achaemenids who are doing the dirty work. In the background, Palmyra bows out of the Assyrian war.

And at last, the Achaemenids capture Isfahan, eliminating Abbas I of the Safavids in 21st place! The Safavids were cursed with several aggressive neighbours and no really good expansion options, so it's no surprise they've finished last. Abbas put up a good fight, lasting longer than he had any right to, but this outcome was inevitable.

Meanwhile, Assur is down to yellow, so we may be seeing another elimination in fairly short order.

Indeed, just four turns after the fall of the Safavids, the Kurds take Assur. Sammuramat of Assyria is eliminated in 20th place. Trapped in the middle of Mesopotamia with little in the way of production, Assyria was another civ doomed from the beginning. But hey, at least they weren't last.

Byzantium declares war on Turkey, though it's not clear Justinian will be able to fight through the rough terrain of Anatolia in order to take Ankara.

Well, that's one way to get Mashhad. Tigranes, I never should have doubted you!

Another city changes hands in a peace treaty as the Rashidun give Taif to Jerusalem. I'm sure Umar is happy to have this liability of a city off his hands.

Oh my goodness! Surprise blitz! Oman has declared war on the UAE, and I have to say, Sheikh Zayed just doesn't stand a chance.



In the background, the Rashidun enhance Hinduism.



Historical side note: the Rashidun Caliphate (literally, "rightly guided") refers to the first four caliphs, who ruled before the establishment of dynastic rule under the Umayyads. These caliphs were Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, and 'Ali. Rashidun is a distinctly Sunni term because Shia believe 'Ali was the rightful heir to Muhammed, and that the other three were therefore illegitimate.

After just one turn, Oman hammers Abu Dhabi down to the yellow. Absolutely barbaric.

The Kurds, having finished with Assyria, turn on Palmyra. Mustafa Barzani begins a siege of Damascus, which is probably Bashar al-Assad's worst nightmare.

All of a sudden, Hejaz attacks Saudi Arabia! Abdulaziz ibn Saud has expended most of his army fruitlessly attacking Ur, so it's not clear he'll be able to defend against the huge Hejazi invasion force.



On the side of the image, Abu Dhabi falls to red.

And Oman takes Abu Dhabi! It looks like Saif bin Sultan hasn't lost his touch since the public test round, where he conquered much of the Arabian peninsula—beginning with the UAE, of course.

As Damascus falls to red, Byzantium and Jerusalem take advantage of the deteriorating situation and attack Palmyra. In the background, Turkey and Byzantium set aside their differences, as do Saudi Arabia and Sumer.

The Kurds capture and raze Damascus. I can almost feel Assad squirming right now. After this triumph, Mustafa Barzani backs out of the war, leaving the rest to the Christian kingdoms.

The UAE is making a strong counterattack on Abu Dhabi, and it looks like they'll retake the city, at least for now. Also, Hejaz has the two core Saudi cities surrounded, but hasn't inflicted any damage.

The UAE retakes Abu Dhabi as the Rashidun and Achaemenids join the war against Saudi Arabia.

Oman recaptures Abu Dhabi and Hejaz begins to lay siege to Riyadh. Sheikh Zayed's army is clearly a lot smaller than it was just a couple turns ago; the same can't be said for Saudi Arabia, whose army was never very big to begin with.

Turkey and Jerusalem close in on Palmyra itself; it's a race to see who will get the city. In the background, Oman completes the Great Lighthouse.

Oman also settles along the Persian coast, albeit in the worst spot they could have chosen. Seriously, why the very edge of the map?

The UAE retakes Abu Dhabi yet again, and now it seems neither side has any troops left in the area. Oman can probably take the city back again, but it'll take a few turns just to assemble an army again.

That will have to wait for next time, however, as it's time for the stats. Nubia has the largest army, although Piye seems afraid to use it. Kurdistan and Byzantium are close behind in second and third places respectively.

Kurdistan has a slight lead in technologies, but it's much too early to attribute any significance to this.

However it is worth noting that Kurdistan does have the highest crop yield. It's a steep drop down to Nubia in second place, but after that it's a very slow descent down through most of the civilizations.