There's one solid rule when it comes to amending Alabama's impenetrable constitution:

If in doubt, say no.

In November, voters will be asked to approve 14 confusing and debatable amendments, which is like adding 14 more ineffectual chapters to War and Peace. Ours is the longest constitution in America and probably the world, a dodgy document from the start, convoluted and confused by so many absurd amendments that nobody anywhere is a genuine expert on all it says.

These 14 would push the number of amendments to Alabama's constitution above 900 - or 34 times as many amendments as the U.S. Constitution. The U.S. Constitution has its bill of rights. Alabama's is a bill of goods.

So my default is no. If there is a shred of doubt about an amendment, just say no.

Amendment 1, changing the way Auburn University Trustees rotate off the board. Perhaps it's an innocuous housekeeping. Or perhaps it's a way to keep Trustee Jimmy Rane or someone else on the board just a tad longer. Not today.

Amendment 2 would ban shifting state park money to other uses, and would let parks uses private companies for some park operations. I'm a fan of keeping park money in the parks, but if the privatization language makes your squeamish, default to doubt.

Amendment 3, changing the way local constitutional amendments are voted on. If the Legislature unanimously agrees, a local amendment would only be voted on by the county in question. It speaks to the absurdity of the constitution, but cleans up the ballot and clears some of our constitutional nuisances. It's a yes.

Amendment 4 would give a little more home rule to county commissions. If you think the best government is the most local, this one is a yes.

Amendment 5 would reorganize sections of the Alabama Constitution that address Alabama separation of powers, purportedly not changing the substance of those powers. So why? Why why why? It's a no.

Amendment 6 would clarify a two-thirds vote of the Alabama Senate to impeach a state official. They ought to be clarifying this one in a year when they are not trying to impeach a governor. Unless this is a referendum on the future of Robert Bentley.

Amendment 7 is local to Etowah County, which is one of the stupid things about Alabama's constitution. If you don't live in Etowah County, just butt out and don't vote on it.

Alabama is already a "right to work" state, meaning employees can't be forced to join a union. Amendment 8 would "enshrine" that in the state constitution. Because we need more enshrining. No.

Amendment 9 would let judges in Pickens County be appointed until the age of 75. Which makes the spider sense tingle enough to say no. But if you aren't from Pickens County, stay out of it.

Amendment 10 is local to Calhoun County. If you ain't from around there, don't meddle.

Amendment 11 would immortalize and incentivize manufacturing zones for business recruitment, which have no business in a constitution. No.

Amendment 12 would set up a governing body to oversee Baldwin County toll roads. Again, if you live in Baldwin make your pick. If you don't, skip it.

Amendment 13 would remove age restrictions and ban future age restrictions for government officials, except for judges. Oh hell no.

And Amendment 14 would guarantee that bills passed in questionable circumstances under Budget Isolation Resolution would remain in effect, rather than face possible court challenge. You might as well call it the "we-play-by-our-own-rules-and-we-make-'em-up-as-we-go-along amendment. No, on 14, even if it could allow challenge on 600 local bills. The bill that spawned this amendment, after all, could create a slush fund for Jefferson County legislators.

If they have to follow the rules of the constitution in the first place, maybe they will see a need for a new one.