Every single one of these messages makes my day better. Sometimes I don’t respond until my day off. But receiving them in the moment truly is balm in this awful situation.

Avoid creating more work for your health care worker.

Offering donations and supplies is wonderful, but also creates logistical challenges. We have had so many meals donated to us that my colleagues now manage a spreadsheet to keep track of what meals are coming to the hospital lobby and which staff member will pick them up from the lobby and deliver them to various hospital workrooms. Depending on the institution, it might be better to donate through an established organization. I always appreciate offers of donations, and I hope I don’t offend if I’m not able to accept them.

Don’t expect health care workers to also be front-line news reporters.

The way questions are received can vary depending on your relationship with the health care worker and that person’s emotional state. But in general, being asked repeatedly what it is like in hospitals right now risks retraumatizing health care workers.

Ask yourself why you are asking a health care worker about their front-line experience. Will your question help them process the experience? Or is it to address your own fears or curiosity, which may create more emotional labor for the health care worker?

An alternative is to share a news story you’ve read about the health care worker’s city or hospital and say, “I read that this is going on. It made me think of you. I hope you are doing OK. I’m here for you if it’s helpful to talk.”

Another option is to say, “I’m happy to hear about what it’s like in the hospital right now if you want to share. But we can also talk about other things if you’d like to get your mind off it.” I have found that sometimes I really want to talk about what’s happening in the hospital, and other times I want to talk about a TV show I’m watching. It is deeply comforting knowing my friends and family are there for me in either circumstance.

Don’t assume health care workers feel like heroes right now.

Though we are often called heroes these days, most of us feel as if we should be doing more to stave off illness and death. In the I.C.U., I feel guilty that I don’t have the skills to intubate patients, one of the most essential and important procedures for critically ill patients with Covid-19. At home on my days off, I feel guilty I’m not at the hospital.