Perhaps more than any other holiday, Thanksgiving is one rich with traditions – from backyard football games with the family, to falling asleep during the Cowboys game, to spending four hours standing outside a Best Buy to save 40 bucks on a Kindle. To celebrate Thanksgiving, here are the 32 Thanksgiving traditions that best represent each NFL team.

Dallas Cowboys – Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

An annual tradition of overinflation (floats in New York, egos in Dallas), fans who give up their Thanksgivings to watch an event that’s not especially interesting and a cranky old owner who sees the light when the real Kris Kringle begins working in his toy department. Wait, that last part might only apply to Miracle of 34th Street.

New York Giants – When it’s a potluck and the one dynamite cook in the group brings a tremendous dish and you have to act like the other food is okay so as not to hurt feelings

That’s Saquon Barkley and the rest of the Giants

Philadelphia Eagles – Brined turkey

The “it” thing of 2017 is now passé in 2018.

Washington Redskins – Not fighting over the wishbone

I think the Redskins have had enough of broken bones this week.

Chicago Bears – Turducken

If John Madden were still with us (calling games on Thanksgiving, that is) to which team would he most want to hand out the various legs and strange cuts of meat inside his famed turducken? It has to the Bears, right? And chances are he’d just have given the whole thing to Khalil Mack.

Detroit Lions – Watching Lions games on Thanksgiving

Like some people attending Thanksgiving dinners, watching the Lions on the fourth Thursday of November is done more out of obligation than desire, sort of like watching the Lions on every day that isn’t Thanksgiving.

Green Bay Packers – Watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

Because Charlie Brown kicking with Lucy pulling away the football is still probably more accurate than Mason Crosby was in that Lions game.

Minnesota Vikings – An $84 turkey

After success last year with a two-dollar turkey, Minnesota decided that paying 47 times as much was sure to give the team a bump from the NFC championship to, I don’t know, what’s 47 times better than that?

Atlanta Falcons – A burned turkey

The past 21 months in the lives of the Atlanta Falcons. 1) leading Super Bowl LI by a score of 28-3 and losing; 2) rebounding well to make the 2017 playoffs and having a chance to knock off the eventual champs in the divisional round but failing on four tries at the goal line; 3) having the same exact thing happen in this year’s season opener rematch; 4) starting 1-4; 5) rebound to 4-4; 5) then suffering two ugly loses to the Browns and Cowboys. Atlanta’s turkey didn’t just burn, the son of a gun went up in flames.

Carolina Panthers – Grits

Always solid, always underrated. Since 2012, who’s finished higher in the standings – the almighty Saints with Drew Brees and genius Sean Payton, or the little ol’ Panthers with their amazing quarterback who never gets enough love? Carolina has finished better in 3 of the 4 seasons in which the teams didn’t tie.

New Orleans Saints – I don’t know, something with Emeril

Say “Bam!” for every time Sean Payton leaves Drew Brees in the game to throw stat-padding yards and touchdowns that’ll boost his MVP candidacy.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Crab legs

Crab legs, it should be noted, are a perfectly acceptable turkey substitute.

Arizona Cardinals – Passing the rolls

You know when you’re passing the plates around the table and you invariably get stuck holding the worst dish while a traffic jam build up behind your dad as he tries out new jokes on unsuspecting family members? The Cardinals see that as an opportunity. Their only two wins this year are against the worst team in the rotation – the 49ers, aka the canned cranberry sauce of the NFL.

Los Angeles Rams – Eating a second Thanksgiving dinner around 8 p.m.

Even when the day/game is over, there’s no need to take your foot off the gas.

San Francisco 49ers – Subpar tiramisu

The 49ers know how to deal with overrated, expensive, Italian disappointments.

Seattle Seahawks – People who serve lamb instead of turkey

There is no definition of seahawk in the Oxford English Dictionary, not even “Super Bowl champion football team that blows its back-to-back chances by keeping the ball out of the hands of the best short-yardage running back of his time and thus splintering the locker room in what would be the death knell for the dynasty that wasn’t.” Similarly, there’s no Thanksgiving without turkey. It’s part of the essence of the day. If seahawk doesn’t mean anything, then a day without turkey doesn’t either. And I don’t even like turkey! I’d prefer lamb! But we’re not animals; I respect the traditions, eat a bunch of carbs at dinner and then top it off with a late-night run to Taco Bell.

Buffalo Bills – Going radio silent

What’s the best way to keep away an unwanted guest? Radio silence. Off the grid. No communicado. If the Bills can avoid calls, not return texts, stay off social media and, above all, not post IG pics of their Thanksgiving feast, then there’s no way Nathan Peterman can come crash the party.

Miami Dolphins – Leftovers

Brock Osweiler. Danny Amendola. Frank Gore. Kenny Stills. Kiko Alonso. Even Ryan Tannehill and Cameron Wake. The Dolphins are basically a team of leftovers.

New England Patriots – Watching old home movies

Given Bill Belichick’s extensive back catalog of videos of walk-throughs and opposing sideline gyrations, it only stands to reason that he calls everybody into a dark room to watch old family films after dessert, like my father-in-law does when he wants to show me my wife’s fourth-grade basketball prowess. Prowess means getting rejected by the rim on a layup, right?

New York Jets – Asking “is the food done yet?”

An appropriate question for both the yams in the oven and Todd Bowles’ time on the sideline.

Baltimore Ravens – Avoiding family members

Though the Ravens aren’t exactly in disarray, the Lamar Jackson/Joe Flacco quarterback situation, John Harbaugh’s (theoretically) impending exit and a No. 1 defense trying to stay calm as a mediocre offense has only been good enough to nab a 5-5 record makes the Ravens locker room seems to be in a sort of disarray. It’s like when you successfully avoid talking to you aunt’s “friend” during the early football game but then are seated right next to him at dinner. And the worst part is that neither of you have any Super Bowl rings to ease the awkwardness.

Cincinnati Bengals – The dish nobody likes, but nobody hates

Your aunt – well, she’s not technically your aunt but you call her “aunt” anyway – brings a cranberry chutney to dinner every year and nobody eats it. You feel bad, so every now and then you indulge and tell her it’s good but, at the end of the day, it’s still been 16 years of mediocrity.

Cleveland Browns – Unspoken relief at a usual presence not being at the table

You can’t sit around the table and talk about how happy you are that your sister’s ex-boyfriend is no longer at Thanksgiving to douche it up by talking about his blackout nights in Vegas or how he saw E from Entourage at the Clevelander, but everybody knows how great his absence is for the family – kinda like the Brows with Hue Jackson.

Pittsburgh Steelers – Tradition for the sake of tradition

In a tradition-rich franchise that’s been owned by the same family for its entire 85-year existence and has only had three coaches since 1969, it stands to reason that every Thanksgiving is the same in Pittsburgh, meaning that Mike Tomlin just walks the streets indiscriminately tripping people.

Houston Texans – Your Uncle Terry

Just as the Texans have won seven-straight games, Terry has won seven-straight Thanksgivings, if the criteria for winning Thanksgiving is “having too much wine and making a slightly inappropriate comment about Carrie Underwood and whoever is singing the national anthem at the Cowboys game.”

Indianapolis Colts – Rustic meals

When Abraham Lincoln announced a “national day of Thanksgiving” during the Civil War, Union troops were served 400,000 pounds of ham, canned peaches, apples, cake and, weirdly, an unspoken amount of turkey. If you’re going to boast the 200 tons of ham, the least you could do is provide a turkey tally, no? Capt. Andrew Luck was surely very welcoming of the feast and almost certainly included it in one of his “Dearest Mother” letters.

Jacksonville Jaguars – Tofurkey

The Jags have been so toothless this season I’d just assumed they’d tuned vegetarian.

Tennessee Titans – Carrots

If served, carrots (however they’re prepared) are a fine dish. But, if your dinner is like my dinner and your mom forgets about one of her 35 dishes every year, the carrots are often the culprit, ultimately forgettable. Ask yourself: If the Titans were put on a bye from Week 6 through Week 10, how long would it take you to notice they hadn’t played? Unless you’re a Titans fan, the answer is never. Never.

Denver Broncos – Going somewhere new for dinner

Grandma has had Thanksgiving dinner for 30 years and it’s your favorite meal of the year. Succulent turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, stuffing of a perfect consistency, sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top, a Jello dish that you’re convinced came from heaven and the pies – oh, the pies. Apple, cherry, pumpkin, lemon meringue and the one that you can’t identify but is the best of all. Then, one day, your sister says she wants to have Thanksgiving at her house. It’s not her serving Stovetop stuffing that’s the problem (though it doesn’t help); it’s that she messes up Stovetop stuffing. Badly. Anyway, that’s the Broncos quarterback situation after John Elway.

Kansas City Chiefs – Santa Claus appearing at the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade

At the end of the parade, Santa comes out on his sleigh and ushers in the Christmas season. My four-year-old stands in front of the TV watching this, eyes agape, staring with a childlike wonder at the man in the red coat and with the long, white beard. It’s a sense of awe I wish I could feel for even a minute. But this is how I assume Chiefs fans feel watching Patrick Mahomes every week.

Los Angeles Chargers – Eating Thanksgiving dinner alone

It happens when you move to a new city and no one knows, or cares, that you’re there.

Oakland Raiders – A catered dinner from the fanciest restaurant in town

There’s nothing wrong with the meal, per se, but you could have had an equally tasty experience hiring a young chef than by overpaying a snooty old-guard cook.