The thing that I love about kids is that they either speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about you until you want to eat yourself away in the corner of your room watching old re-runs of Passions- or they come up with insane lies for no reason. It turns out I’m a lucky one, and got a lie in the form of a “My Hero” assignment. A lie that I may attach to all of my resumes and cover letters from this day forward.

As my brain remembers, my aunt and I were sitting outside with my cousin when she was about 1 years old. I was sitting beside the pool with her while my aunt folded the towels nearby. My cousin was dipping toys into a puddle of water beside the pool. I turned my head around to say something to my aunt, and my cousin crawled the 3 steps it took to get to the big pool and tried dipping her toy into the water. Except she fell. Down down the rabbit hole (into the shallow end). As she was sinking to the bottom, I jumped in in my sweatpants and t-shirt and pulled her out. I breathed. She threw up. All was right in the world.

According to my cousin, who is now in grade 5, the story goes like this….

Well, of course I would risk my life and be the family hero, jumping into the pool during a huge family party in my beautiful (and no doubt expensive) dress. I especially love the drama of her almost hitting her head as she floated into deep abyss. I even more especially love how I am thin and bleach blond and wonderful in that drawing.

Over the years I have gotten a few drawings and letters thanking me for being a hero. I think I may use this child as my genie, and request 3 wishes for saving her. I also think this story may be a great source of anxiety for her, which could be a problem. In conclusion though…kids are liars. Sometimes it sucks, but sometimes you can just pretend you should win a nobel peace prize.