Love your program Carlos, and I have also noticed a better difference in my interaction with women already! My question is: There is this goth/industrial dance club in downtown Austin were I was hanging out with a buddy of mine one night.

After talking for a while he went to go dance and I was left alone at my table. I didn’t want to look like some loner wierdo so I decided to do what I’m not very good at….dancing. I didn’t want to seem insecure by doing some nervous looking half-ass “bob my head & snap my fingers” routine, so I just let it out as uninhibited as I could without running into anyone.

I think I might have made a fool of myself and I felt a very uncomfortable feeling of people staring at me. When I found my friend he was talking to this girl I saw on the dance floor so I went up to them(just to be sociable,no pick-up)and she darted of as fast as she could (if she liked my friend wouldn’t she be more polite with one of his buddies?)

I like this club alot and I get along pretty good with the owner and his staff, even on that night. However I would like the general people to be comfortable with me so my question is this: Is there any way I can repair this social damage and still make friends(not just meet girls) with the regular patrons?

Am I forever branded as “that guy”?

– J

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:



It’s funny, but there seems to be a lot of advertising and social awareness that is based around guy’s fears of being “that guy.”

Of course “that guy” is always someone who is unbelievably dorky, or just NOT the cool guy.

Now if by “that guy” you mean the guy who is in his own reality, makes his own fun, and doesn’t give a shit about what other people think, then YES – BE THAT GUY!

Look, the best thing you can do is to not even allow that impression that you’ve created “social damage” to creep into your head.

We always seem to create a horrific scenario when we feel like we’ve made a social mistake, but in fact, the mistake was that you were not OWNING your behavior.

I’ve been a complete asshole, but I owned it, and I didn’t make excuses or even run around looking for forgiveness. I just went on with my life.

The chick that ran off probably is so caught up in appearances and superficial “what will people think of me” childish thinking that she’s not capable of hanging with the fun people. I would have run after her and caught her. Someone like that deserves a little social “awareness.”

No, you’re not forever branded. You just need to set out to establish some social comfort for yourself there by being consistent with yourself, and really pulling people into your reality a bit more.

If you were a punk and complete butt munch, then I say make amends and get over it. Chill and be the cool guy at the club for a few weeks. No one will remember it by the next weekend.

What was the last socially awkward thing you remember happening to someone else? I can’t even remember the last person to do something. We just forget these things.

This is a bit complicated to explain here, but you’ll probably get a lot out of this:

HOW TO BE A CONFIDENT MAN – even if you’re with a bunch of lamers.

It’s where every guy who wants to improve his inner game needs to start.

I hope this helped…

CX