BREAKING NEWS OUT OF ROTHBURY MICHIGAN

Those deemz must have been straight fire then

Legendary Rothbury attendee Carl has been found after a man hunt that spanned almost an entire decade. Police found the man stumbling out of the woods along the side of South Water Road, where the festival used to be located before it became Electric Forest.

Carl did not allow any photography stating that he did not trust the media in any form. It was reported that it took police three hours to convince the man it was in fact 2016. He was more than convinced it was actually at the very most 2008. When asked where he thought the time might of gone, he simply answered:

“Those deemz must have been straight fire then”

Yes in fact Carl, the legend himself, was simply smoking DMT alone in the woods for about 8 years. He was just deeming in the woods after all.

Carl continued to be blown away that Rothbury no longer actually existed. He said that Electric Forest sounded a little tacky, but none the less was pleased to learn about its growth and the fact that Cheese was still in fact headlining all three nights.

He was upset to learn about how The New Deal has since broken up and that the Murph of ‘Tribe’ struggled with cancer. He also almost cried when he heard how many side projects the different members of the Biscuits were now involved with.

What really set him over the edge was when he heard that dose dropped in purity and Donald Trump is probably going to be president. His blank and vacant stare summed up the condition that the world is currently in perfectly.

When asked if he was happy that he was now out of the physical and metaphorical woods, he answered:

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

“I don’t know man, out of the woods and into the forest I guess.”

We feel you Carl, we really, really do.