they say when the party’s just getting started… and the beers are just getting cold enough to change the coors light cold-activation window from white to blue… that sometimes the rockies on a man’s can shall run red like blood. and that is when the coors man comes

eyes like burning coals. crushed beer cans for teeth. his bones sound like bags of pretzels when he walks, and his clammy touch feels like cold meat lover’s pizza. so be careful this halloween, because — wait, what month is this

april?? dammit