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Alcohol scientists embedded deep in the barrel of the Guinness brewery at St James Gate in Dublin 8 have made a massive breakthrough in developing an anti-dote for the corona-virus. Guinness held an international press briefing at it’s marquee Gravity Bar this evening to announce details of their discovery.

Early on Sunday morning scientists in the company’s porter division made the startling quantum leap while testing 8 Guinness pigs that were injected with the highly contagious corona-virus.

Chemists administered the virus at 11 pm on Saturday evening and sent the test cases off to Copper Face Jacks on strict instructions to drink 6 pints of their traditional porter product, Guinness.

The highly controversial move drew criticism from public health officials admonishing the company for placing the general public at risk. However at 11:34 am on Sunday morning the experiment paid dividends and the fever broke.

Test case number 1 – known only as Porter Shite A – had a 15 minute dump in a highly sterilised environment but within 50 feet of the other 7 test subjects. As suspected the porter shite aroma killed all traces of the killer virus. An Garda Siochana have issued a plea to all patrons of Copper Face Jacks that may have been exposed to the virus on Saturday night to form an orderly queue outside St James Gate.

A member of the Washington Post enquired about possible side effects of the radical anti-venum.

” Apart from a short, intense reddening of the arse – Test cases are showing no side effects. We are hopeful to have the bottling plant at full capacity inside of 24 hours and start shipping worldwide shortly thereafter “

Branded as Proper Porter Shite No.1 – it can be administered as an aftershave ‘Eau de Jacks’ or in a starter micro farting 6 pack for 24.99.





Combat Arena – Information appearing in Combat Arena Satire section is entirely satirical and is not to be taken as in anyway factual.

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