It’s the end of the year and everyone is thinking of their resolutions for 2019. But how many people are actually thinking to themselves, “Maybe I should be more compassionate to President Trump?” Definitely not the half of the country that despises him and the things he does. Is it possible that letting go of that hate for the president may make you healthier? The evidence says yes. To be clear, this can apply to anyone you actively despise, not just the elderly confused senior citizen in the White House.

The Book of Joy

I read The Book of Joy recently, written by the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams. The book is a guide to living the most joyful life possible with Eight Pillars of Joy. Among one of those pillars is compassion. Research into the benefits of these pillars is nicely laid out along with commentary by the Buddist Leader The Dalai Lama and Christian Queer-Loving activist Desmond Tutu, who apparently have a very close friendship filled with taunts, mischief, and best of all, joy.

Even Animals Give Compassion

One study that stood out to me was that of a mouse that licked the wounds of a fellow injured mouse. Another mouse was also injured but had no other mice to lick him. The mouse that had a friend to lick him when he was injured healed quicker than the mouse that was all alone. I get it, the President isn’t a mouse and, no, you don’t want to lick him. Leave that to the porn stars and Russian hookers. The point is that even in the animal kingdom there is room for kindness and compassion. Best of all, it helped both of the mice. The one getting licked is receiving faster healing but the one doing the licking is calm and content as he helps the other mouse. People are like this too.

Most people have the innate ability to help someone if they can. Human beings have relied on a cooperative model since the dawn of civilization. The more willing we are to share in the hardships of our fellow human, the more likely we are to survive when shit goes south for us. The simple adage “you scratch my back I’ll scratch yours,” helped civilization to flourish. The science of compassion is yielding amazing results that point to one very thought-provoking conclusion. People are happiest when they are being kind. A study with children revealed that they preferred toys designed for cooperation and kindness rather than watch sock puppets fight. Moreover, deliberate acts of kindness release oxytocin and can actually make you feel happy.

Why Bother With Compassion?

To understand compassion and how it relates to social cooperation let’s identify what it is not. Compassion is not a situation where you’re letting any ole bitch walk all over you. No, honey. Self-compassion is also an important part of this. Not to be confused with being self-centered, that is a different monster alltogether. Compassion is a contagious sentiment that people are able to learn and deploy with practice.

But why should I spend my time feeling sorry for people who don’t appreciate me and call me names? Why should I bother with individuals that don’t give me any compassion? Like Donald Trump, who arguably cares only about him and his. Why should I bother having compassion in a world where everyone is pitted against each other, where only the strong survive, and where I may get taken advantage of for being too nice?

The simple Shakespearian answer is that we all bleed red. “If you prick me will I not bleed?” We all have the same basic desires and drives as human beings. We all harbor the yearning to be satisfied and happy, the urge to be close to our loved ones, and contact with other people. I like to say, “Everyone on this planet stinks up the bathroom just as much as the next person.”

It’s so easy to get caught up with the negativity that Trump inspires. But listen, he knows you hate him and he doesn’t care. Feeling sorry for him, and maybe even learning to have a little compassion, must be what will drive him up the wall. Conversely, expecting someone’s suffering from our actions is not compassion. He’s not the kind of person that expects compassion, which is why he does not give it. Mindless adoration and demagoguery are not what we’re talking about either, which is what fuels him. He’s lived his entire adult life getting even, settling scores, and attacking others.

A Presidency to Pitty

His stint in the White House is creating a caricature that one could only pity when you take a close look. What kind of happiness can a person have when they demand loyalty but do not give it? What kind of joy can a person possibly have when they are constantly being caught in lies, and then continue the behavior instead of correcting the falsehoods? The hate that he inspires will not be cured with more hate. Also, as the Budda mentions, hating someone is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Viva Hate?

It’s so easy to hate. And I will also say, based on my own experience, that sometimes it feels empowering to tear someone down when you’re feeling down yourself. But only for a moment. I have hated Trump. I have hated my parents, my siblings, my husband, my dogs at some point. Yes, “hate” is a strong word but I would be remiss if I didn’t state here that I have spent years cultivating hate for people who hate. The result of that was indignation with anyone who offended me even the slightest. The clarity of mind, happiness, and yes joy, that occurs when there is a conscious decision to let go of hatred is something we should all strive for. Baby Steps.

Self Compassion Is a Thing

It’s so hard to invoke compassionate thinking when your community is being attacked and the villain has a face and a name. Or when you know someone is saying negative things about you so you allow your mind to spiral out of control with anger. We’ve all done that. Self-compassion occurs when you realize those feelings are there and you forgive yourself, why? Because everyone stinks up the bathroom. We’re all human, we all have thoughts like that.

Compassion invites you to see the bigger picture. Namely, that everyone has a reason to be the way they are, even you. That is not to say you let bad behavior go unchecked. It just means that when you’re doing the checking, you see a human being with flaws and not a villain. It feels that the more I try this out, it’s only been a month since I started on this compassion thing, the more my place in the world becomes clearer, and the pointlessness of hatred for others becomes more apparent.