Hopelessly optimistic Warhammer player makes new year resolution to finish painting all his figures

“This year I’m going to finish painting all my figures before I buy any new ones,” a drunk Simon Williams told friends at 00:15 yesterday.

Williams, who still has unfinished, half-painted third edition Tyranids he bought in the 1990s, made the resolution in a wild burst of optimism which is doomed to failure in the cold light of dawn.

New year’s eve is traditionally a time when people across the nation make hopeful but ultimately unrealistic plans to change their lives for the better – with plans including aims to lose some weight, find true love and get a better job being common.

However, of all the resolutions made this year, Simon’s pledge is understood to be the least likely to be fulfilled in the entire world.

“I’m going to finish my squats and tomb kings armies,” he said, referring to two entire races that no longer even exist in the current rules.

“And until I do I’m not even going to look at any of the new releases.

“And then I’ve got all those Primaris Marines and Papa Smurf that I bought last year just sitting there. My weekends in January are currently free so I know what I’ll be doing with them,” he added with charming but already horribly ill-fated hope.

”Of course, to use them I’ll need a decent Primaris transport model, but there’s no point buying one on release until the figures are done, right?

“This year is going to be totally different for me. I can really feel it.”