How To Be Empathetic the Right Way

Sometimes the help and care offered by empaths is unhealthy. If you’re an empath, you need to take a few steps to ensure that your biggest strength doesn’t become your biggest weakness.

Setting boundaries

The most difficult point for an empath is to draw the line for themselves and others to protect their own wellbeing. As helping and caring is an inherently good thing, and by default it is positive, it is difficult for the empath to say no to certain situations. You need to learn to set clear boundaries. You need to identify the fine line where you are being helpful and where it is already sucking the life out of you. You need to learn to be selfish — in the most positive sense of the word — in order that you can practice self-care. You need to learn to say no if something doesn’t fit your schedule, your own needs, your expectations. Saying no is not being rude, it’s teaching others about your needs and boundaries. It’s about telling them how to treat you — and in case they take it the wrong way, the problem lies with them, not you. You are entitled to say no to others who are using you or your help or time or energy—without getting anything in return.

Don’t take on the pain of others

You need to remind yourself constantly that you have one responsibility: your own life and happiness. You feel the pain of others, you feel their struggle and you want to help, but there is only so much you can do. You can help and guide them, you can be there for them, but at the end of the day, you can only help someone who is willing to help themselves too. Their hurt and their healing are not in your hands. You need to recognise that everyone has their own journey and growth usually comes through painful events and difficult situations. If you take on someone else’s burden, it won’t necessarily mean that their life will be easier, but it will surely mean that yours will be more difficult.

Don’t try to save others

This one is both for you and for the one you try to save. On the one hand, just because you think that someone needs to be saved, it might not be true. They might not be ready to be saved and they cannot be fixed—they have to do their own share of the healing and saving themselves. Some people are wallowing in their pain and misery, they will drain your energy, bathe in your attention, and pretend that they are pitching in — but in reality they expect you to do all the work.

On the other hand, by saving others you are robbing them from the necessary lessons that they need to learn on their own. You take away their agency. If their life problems are solved magically at someone else’s hands, why should they bother learning to do it for themselves?

It’s not your job to fix people, to save people, to drag them out of their misery. Sure, you can stand by them and support them while they are saving themselves — but this is the most that you can do. You need to know that your worth is not linked to your capability of helping and saving others. Your gift is your compassion, not your unilateral struggle to save someone who refuses to be saved anyway.

Learn to say no and be happy about it

Saying no is not rude. Walking away from toxic situations, quitting a bad job, declining a social gathering when it doesn’t add any positive energy to your life is the best thing that you can do. The biggest mistake an empath can make is to refrain from saying no to people and things to avoid hurting others. If someone can’t take a no for an answer, if they never stop taking what you have to give, if they never reciprocate the attention and affection and never stop depleting you — chances are that you have encountered a narcissist. Narcissists are instinctively attracted to empaths because empaths are capable of filling the void for them.

Saying no doesn’t mean that you fail, and it doesn’t mean that you are rude or selfish. It means that you know your physical, emotional, and mental limits and you do everything to respect them.

Saying no is empowering, but you need to be proud of your decision. Don’t look back. Don’t apologise for it. Don’t go back on your word. You need to be happy about saying no, especially if you’re at the beginning of your self-esteem journey. You need to understand that saying no will allow you to say yes to situations, people, and things that you really want.

Prioritise yourself

They say that being an empath is a gift — make sure it is a gift for you as well, not only for others. Empathise with yourself just as much as you would with a friend. Listen to your own needs as much as you would listen to someone in need. Make yourself a priority, be there for yourself, care about yourself.

There are no limits to the love and care that you have in you. Because you love yourself and care for yourself you will have even more to give to others — if your energy is high, if you are not depleted and frustrated from all the energy vampires who just take and take — you will be able to practice care for those who really need it.

Don’t sacrifice yourself.

We need you to be whole and sane and happy.