Chris Brown's promotional tour for his new single "Fine China" has put his interviewers in a bind. To embrace the redemption narrative Brown is selling, they've got to talk about his 2009 assault on Rihanna. But, for a variety of reasons—positivity, politeness, not wanting to rock the boat—they've can't bring themselves to say exactly what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. (If your memory is faulty, here's the the police report.)

The result is a bizarre mix of euphemisms and excuses that, while not necessarily defending Brown's actions, certainly minimize them. Here's how each of Brown's appearances this week have talked around the assault:

RYAN SEACREST

Let's talk about the incident with Rihanna a while back. ... What is the greatest lesson you learned living through that tough time?

POWER 106's BIG BOY

Everyone has a past. Everyone has something that are so-called blemishes. … All of our greatest leaders had some things that, at the moment, you would have been like "Aw, man…"

POWER 105's BREAKFAST CLUB

Does it bother you when you put out a new record, you've got to go on these apology tours? … When does it did stop? ... Rihanna's forgiven the situation, your fans have moved on. People always pull these games, would you ever do it again?

THE TODAY SHOW

The biggest difference that I would note, is right now you are agreeing to sit down and talk about things. I'm talking about the incident in 2009 with Rihanna, when you were charged with a felony.

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At least one radio station interview, with New York's Hot 97, didn't dance around the issue. Unfortunately, that was because DJ Angie Martinez didn't mention the assault at all, preferring instead to talk about Brown and Rihanna's timeless love story:

Fittingly, Brown's last collaboration with Rihanna was on a track called "Nobody's Business." His interviewers this week appear to agree.