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Tony Washington Jr. lost his father to a heart attack four years ago, but he hasn't lost his spirit.

(Bruce Ely/The Oregonian)

EUGENE -- As the Oregon football team attended a leadership meeting last spring, nobody noticed that Tony Washington was struggling to remain composed. And at the conclusion of the meeting, nobody saw the linebacker beeline out of the room, and head straight to his car in the Autzen Stadium parking lot.

Inside his car, Washington exhaled, then wept uncontrollably.

"Poured my eyes out," the Ducks starting outside linebacker remembers.

He is normally a stoic figure, quiet and humble, and if he shows any emotion he says it is usually quick outbursts of aggression, either to a teammate, or more often against an opponent. Crying is not in his makeup.

"I hate crying. Hate it. Despise it. I can't stand it," Washington says.

So today, he promises, will be a good day. No tears. No sadness. Just blessings. Even though the calendar shows that date.

Aug. 27.

"August 27, 2009 ..." Washington says, and the story follows in snapshots.

His high school football practice, interrupted by his cousin streaking across the field, panicked and telling Washington to go to the hospital. The waiting room, where from the look of his mom and sister, something was terribly wrong. The doctor, coming out from the doors. And then, the news.

"The doctor came and said my dad passed away. He had a heart attack," Washington remembers. "It was so unexpected."

His father, Tony Washington Sr., was 48.

Today is the fifth time Aug. 27 has carried a special meaning for Washington, and each time the day comes closer to representing a celebration more than a tragedy. As each year passes, he understands he carries more than just his father's name.

He also carries his spirit.

It's why he cried after that team meeting. The school had brought in people to talk about leadership, and a speech by Brad McCoy, the father of NFL quarterback Colt McCoy, resonated. McCoy asked the players to think about how they reached this level, and who helped them get here.

"It touched me," Washington says.

His father was his motor. He not only watched every game from the sideline, he watched nearly every practice. He shaped his toughness, wiping away his tears and telling him he couldn't let others see him cry when he was ruled too heavy to play youth ball. He honed his work ethic, encouraging him to run hills to lose weight and build stamina. And he fueled his motivation, never letting him take a play off, lest he be chastised by the 6-foot-4, 280-pound figure.

Above all, his dad was his support. His friend. His comfort. And when the speaker asked the players to think about the people who got them here, it was as jarring as the hit Washington administered to cause a fumble in the 2011 Pac-12 Championship game. His dad was never able to see where Tony Jr. -- TJ as his family calls him -- decided to attend school.

He never saw what his son has become: A starter for one of the nation's best college football teams; a blend of size (6-foot-3, 245 pounds), strength, speed and agility; a force whose power is matched only by the grace on display in the young man he has become. He aspires to be a pastor or high school guidance counselor, passions he furthers working as a counselor for youth ministries at Eastside Faith Center in Eugene.

From Southern California, his mother fights back tears when discussing the spirit of her husband in her son.

"The seed has been planted, and it has germinated," Monique Washington says. "The harvest of greater things is to come."

A voice



Great things are also expected from this year's Oregon football team, beginning with Saturday's season opener against Nicholls State. Washington will be a key component in what figures to be a dominating defense, the man asked to fill the void left by Dion Jordan, who was the No. 3 overall NFL pick by Miami.

Last season, when Jordan was unable to play for a period, Washington was moved from defensive end to outside linebacker. Instead of rushing the passer and shucking blocks, he also had to cover receivers and running backs.

"I was terrified out of my mind," Washington remembers. "I had never played any coverage before. I was confused."

But a funny thing happened. He started to hear his father in his head. The lessons from his childhood came flooding back, all in his father's booming voice. Keep pushing. Keep working. You didn't work this hard for nothing. Never let people see you weak.

"Those life lessons from back when, the ones I didn't think were a big deal, have turned out to be big in the long run," Washington said.

Tony Washington Sr. wasn't just present during Tony's third birthday. He was a constant at his children's practices, school events and fully involved in their lives. He passed away on Aug. 27, 2009 from a heart attack. He was 48.

By the Fiesta Bowl against Kansas State, Washington was starting. And in the Ducks' training camp this month, defensive coordinator Nick Aliotti said Washington won his starting job after playing as consistent and hard as anyone on the defense.

The way Washington sees it, his ascension is part of what he refers to as "God's plan."

It is the only way he can justify why his father was taken from him so early. And it's the only way he can explain why now, four years later, he is finally beginning to talk about his father's death. He was supposed to hear his dad's voice when he made the challenging move to outside linebacker. He was supposed to be overcome with emotion in that meeting.

And, he is beginning to realize, he is supposed to be in Eugene, and be with this football team.

A lesson



There is no tradition. No script. No plan for today in the Washington family.

They are close, but they do not share their feelings with one another when it comes to that fateful day. The mother does not want to upset her kids. And the kids do not want to upset their mother.

"This is what we say: Do you know what today is?," Monique says. "And everyone will say yes. No one ever says no. Then we leave it alone."

Tony never knew the details of his father's final day, until his mother's account was relayed to him last week. He didn't know that his older brother Kwasi, off to college at Cal State Fullerton, talked on the phone with his dad around 1:30. Didn't know his dad's best friend talked to him on the phone around 2.

And he didn't know that at 2:15, his mom arrived home with Auje, the youngest daughter, and his cousin -- the one who would run to his football practice. As his mom was bringing in groceries, she heard Auje scream. She dropped the bag of groceries and ran into the living room where his dad lay, unconscious.

Despite the CPR performed by his mom, and the paramedics' efforts to revive him, it wasn't enough.

Ever since, Washington barricaded his emotions inside. He felt he had to be strong for the family. Show no weakness, like his father taught him. His mother, who said that through therapy she found comfort expressing her emotions, remembers one summer encouraging him to talk about his feelings. He snapped at her, telling her he wasn't ready.

"The way I look at it, the world is not going to feel sorry for you," Washington said. "You have to learn to live with it and push through."

Little did he know, a key element was already at work. Linebackers coach Don Pellum introduced Washington to the Eastside Faith Center, a church just up the street from Autzen Stadium. Soon he was serving as a counselor for the first-through-fourth grade ministries. During the 90-minute sessions, a bible lesson is delivered, after which the class of 25 to 30 breaks into groups to talk about how to apply it to their lives.

"The messages talk a lot about having patience, having faith, because we don't always know when God is going to work things out," Washington said. "We tend to want things too early, we want everything now. But we have to understand we are on God's time."

In the course of teaching the kids, he taught himself a lesson.

"I know at times I was questioning 'How could this happen? Why did this happen?' I didn't understand," Washington said. "But you just have to believe God is looking out for you. The bible says you are going to go through trials and tribulations. And this was one of those trials."

For his tribulation, he would turn to his teammates.

A breakthrough



On that spring day in the Autzen Stadium parking lot, as he poured his eyes out, Washington called his older brother.

The Washingtons, from the left - Tony (21), Kwasi (23), Monique (42) and Auje (17) - are close, but don't often speak about the specifics of Aug. 27, 2009. Tony says he would rather remember the good times he had with his father.

Separated by two years, Kwasi and his brother are best friends. He had never heard Tony so upset.

"He said he was having a hard time, that he had been thinking about dad a lot," Kwasi said. "I let him know that dad would be proud of him right now. That he was doing a great job continuing on the path he was on when dad was here. I told him to keep God first and everything would work out for the best."

The team meeting, the speech by McCoy, and the counsel of his brother turned out to be a turning point.

"It was one of the hardest days for me, because I had always tried not to think about it, not to think about it, but they were forcing me to," Washington said. "That's when I realized it was good, because I can't keep running away from it. Sometimes, it's good to just let it out."

Soon after, he met with some of the Ducks linebacking corps. In his first four years at Oregon, he had told only closest friend, receiver Josh Huff, and a few other players about his father. He wanted more of his brothers on the team to know his story.

"One of the things I learned from Colt McCoy's dad was people aren't going to listen to you unless they know where you came from, and where you want to go," Washington said. "So I told them what I've been through. Why I am who I am. I wanted them to understand me better."

He had been a mystery to his teammates before that. A quiet guy prone to aggressive outbursts. They came to understand it was a byproduct of his father's voice, pushing him, of his father's memory, motivating him.

"I know a lot of people can't be the way I am, a self-motivator," Washington said. "But I wanted them to know if I say something aggressive, it's because I want this team to be the best it can be. But I can't forget where I've come from, what I have been through. At the same time, I wanted them to know I needed their help. I needed them with me."

A bond



He was blessed with his dad's size, his dad's dance moves and his ability to deliver a joke. And now, entering his junior season, he is blessed with his spirit.

Each time he takes the field before a game, Washington will kneel, kiss his fingers, touch his heart and point to the sky.

"It's a shout-out to dad for pushing me to get here," Washington said. "It reminds me he is up there watching me."

But first, there is today. Aug. 27.

"I try to make it a good thing; I don't want to make it a mourning event," Washington said. "So I just think about the good times."

He pauses and looks at his surroundings. The beautiful new football complex. The television cameras chronicling the team's every step. The teammates who have become brothers.

"I look around and it's crazy to see where I have come from; we have the best of everything around here," Washington said. "I wish he was here, I wish he could see what I'm doing. I know he would be proud. Because, really, I feel like I am here now because of him. And I wish I could tell him personally: Thank you."

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