Dear Prime Minister,

I am writing to apply for the vacant position of Diaspora Minister. Though some have had doubts about your ability to affect change in Armenia, you have clearly shown your strengths in your short time in office. Many compatriots were pleasantly surprised with your new cabinet appointments, yet it seems that one position has defied the test of time, to the eternal confusion of many: that of Diaspora Minister.

I am certain that I speak for many in praising the pioneering work that Mrs. Hranoush Hakobyan has done in establishing this ministry, however, I must side with the American author Mark Twain’s view that “Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”

This is why I would like to formally submit my candidacy for the position of Minister of Diaspora for your serious consideration. I believe that under my guidance, Diaspora-Armenia relations would enter a new, and powerful age, which would be in line with your designs for government reform, help encourage repatriation, and FDI in this country. I have years of experience working in both the private and pubIic sector which I hope to apply in this new job.

Here is a list of reasons why I believe I am qualified for this position:

Young, motivated go-getter personality with a lot of bright ideas

ACTUAL EXPERIENCE growing up in a Diaspora community AND living in Armenia.

I speak MORE than 1 language, including both dialects of Armenian, and other language spoken by the Diaspora

I have personally created at least 8 jobs in Armenia, found jobs for 5 other people, and helped 4 people repatriate.

I have never been a member of any communist youth organisation

I have a nice smile, and maintain a professional grooming regimen

Excellent people skills, and ability to work well in a team

Familiarity with Microsoft Office, as well as Macintosh products

Here are just a few ways in which I can contribute:

Make people take Ari Doun seriously for once

Actually attract FDI from the Diaspora into this country

Rename the office to: “Ministry of Diaspora and Repatriation”

Smile more at press conferences

Introduce a distinctly non-communist work ethic

Do a little more to revitalise Diaspora interest in Armenia than nothing at all.

Can provide my own means of transportation (I have a bike)

You heard about that Armenian village fighting ISIS in Iraq? Yeah, maybe someone should do something about that…

Thank you for considering this application, and I look forward to working with you in the near future. I certainly wouldn’t be the worst government appointment made in this country. By the way, did I mention that I’m not a communist?

References can be provided upon request.

Sincerely,

Raffi Elliott