I had a pretty profound dream last night that has left a lasting effect on me. It has been a particularly emotional weekend for myself, one where I thought really long and hard on whether I am making the right decision to be on HRT. I had basically decided I needed to continue down this path. I didn’t think I could really be happy in life if I didn’t.

In my dream, I was on a vacation with my family. My breasts had grown pretty noticeably big by this point. I had mistakenly forgot to wear a loose shirt to try to cover them, and my mother freaked out. She took me in to a room and asked me what was going on. This is when I dropped the bombshell on her. She was very unhappy and we had a long conversation about it. Afterwards, I was getting ready to head out with my family to a science museum. I put on this light, yellow summer dress with white spaghetti straps and a small, cute, purple floral print. My breasts were just large enough to start giving me some cleavage. My mother looked at me and asked “what are you going to say when someone asks why you are wearing a dress?” I looked back at her and said “Nothing. I’ll just smile.”

When I woke up this morning, I sat with a hot cup of tea and thought about my dream. At the end of the dream, I felt so good about myself. When I was wearing that dress, I felt like nothing could ruin my good mood. It solidified in my mind that I can not go back to living the way I have been. If I were to give up now, all I would think about is how happy I was in that dream, and how that could have become reality. There is no way I can live with that knowledge. Regret doesn’t even begin to describe the way I would feel. It would be a living nightmare. The doubt in my mind that I am making the wrong decision has all but disappeared. Sure, there are going to be some really tough moments to come. It’s not going to be easy and I’m going to have times where I can’t believe I chose this path. At the end of it all, though, I know it will be the best decision I have ever made. That moment when I do put on that yellow summer dress with the purple floral print and the white spaghetti straps will be the moment when I finally feel complete. That moment will be the moment when I look back at all I’ve been through and whisper to myself “It was worth it.” And if anyone does ask why I am wearing a dress, I’ll just look at them and smile.