Andrew Ross Sorkin is back at it, weaving a tale of plutocratic woe about how high U.S. corporate taxes forced generic-drug maker Mylan Laboratories MYL, -2.66% to acquire part of Abbott Laboratories ABT, +0.18% and reincorporate in the Netherlands.

But if you believe corporate income taxes are even a minor cause of U.S. economic malaise, maybe Mylan CEO Heather Bresch should buy you an orange Dutch World Cup jersey at Dick’s Sporting Goods.

She would almost have to buy it there, because Bresch will still work at Mylan’s actual headquarters in Pittsburgh, not its soon-to-be tax residence in the Netherlands.

By now, we all should have heard enough from lobbyists insisting the path to post-2008 prosperity is tax cuts for corporate America and austerity for everybody else. Washington spent nearly all of the period from 2011 to early 2013 hearing business interests, most notoriously Fix the Debt and the Business Roundtable, explain earnestly that the runaway federal deficit and potential tax hikes were undermining confidence, suppressing investment and imperiling the future.

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So two things happened.

Business got nearly everything it wanted — a $2.2 trillion deficit reduction through the 2011 Budget Control Act, all from the spending side, followed by a “fiscal cliff” deal at the start of 2013 that raised ordinary workers’ payroll taxes by a third and increased income-tax rates for only the richest taxpayers, while retaining or modestly reducing upper-bracket breaks.

The killer is what happened next.

Of 19 companies whose CEOs sit on the board of the Business Roundtable, guess how many increased capital investment in both 2012 and 2013?

As far as I can tell, four.

Business lied. OK, spun — charitably. And in fighting to get the corporate tax rate cut they failed to get in 2013, they’re spinning more. “Foreign countries are competing harder than ever for business investment,” Roundtable President John Engler said in a statement Thursday.

Oh, really?

First off, recent deals like Mylan’s and medical-device maker Medtronic’s MDT, -0.19% pending merger with Covidien, exploiting Covidien’s incorporation in Ireland, don’t cost the U.S. materially in either jobs or tax revenue. As the Wall Street Journal found, they don’t even add jobs or much revenue in Ireland.

The Congressional Research Service estimates that corporate “inversion” deals, done to let U.S.-based corporations re-incorporate in tax havens while leaving U.S. operations intact, cost the Treasury $19 billion over 10 years. Not much, considering federal budgets over the next 10 years will likely top $40 trillion. Reclaiming inversion tax losses from Mylan or Medtronic would take no more than President Obama ordering Medicare to write rules cutting reimbursements for products made by companies using this loophole.

Neither do these deals cost the U.S. jobs. Accenture ACN, -0.27% is headquartered in Dublin for tax reasons, but its French-born CEO can usually be found in Paris. Its chief technology officer, a fine lad named Paul Daugherty, lives not in the land of my ancestors, but within walking distance of me own New Jersey home. Accenture consultants work where clients are, all over the world. Tyco US:TYC nominally moved to Bermuda in 1997: While CEO Dennis Kozlowski may have incorporated Tyco near a Club Med, he moved himself to New York.

Until he got caught stealing and moved to Club Fed, that is. (A state prison actually, but the line wrote itself.)

Recent deals are no different. Covidien is nominally Irish, but its executive team is so Boston that the company co-sponsored Fenway Park’s Green Monster until this year. Its factories are all over the world, with the largest number in the U.S. Medtronic’s real headquarters is staying in Minnesota. Why? You can’t build a world-class medical-device company in Ireland. There’s not enough capital, workers or customers.

The most obnoxious part of this debate is the sheer, sustained shamelessness of corporate campaigning amid perfectly clear evidence. To see it, look at investment by the crème de la corporate American crème since the two budget deals supposedly essential to fixing “policy uncertainty” and business confidence.

Of the 19 companies represented on the Roundtable’s executive committee, 18 are publicly traded. They report capital spending in securities filings, except that J.P. Morgan Chase JPM, -0.21% , like other banks, uses a reporting method that doesn’t disclose it as clearly.

Of the other 17, the only five to boost investment in both 2012 and 2013 were Eaton ETN, -1.53% , Honeywell International HON, -0.96% , United Technologies US:UTX, MasterCard MA, -1.22% and Caesar’s Entertainment CZR, +1.44% .

As for the rest, General Electric GE, -2.41% boosted investment in 2012 but reversed two-thirds of the gain in 2013. Xerox XRX, -2.87% increased investment $50 million in 2012, but cut it $42 million last year. Frontier Communications US:FTR cut capital spending $190 million between 2011 and 2013, while AT&T’s T, -0.48% capex has trailed inflation since 2010.

Exxon Mobil XOM, -1.61% invested heavily in 2012 to chase the shale boom and pulled back last year. Motorola Solutions MSI, -0.55% , Dow Chemical DOW, -1.17% and Caterpillar CAT, -0.96% trimmed investment in 2013. Boeing BA, -3.81% trimmed it in 2012 but stepped up last year. American Express AXP, -1.16% cut in both years.

After a point, it’s not a coincidence.

Even Cisco Systems CSCO, -1.38% , a famously innovative company that makes its own money from clients’ reinvestment, has dropped the ball. Cisco’s spending on property and equipment dropped $48 million in fiscal 2012 and stayed just below 2011’s levels last year.

Cisco did find the cash to spend half its 2013 free cash flow on stock buybacks and dividends, more than five times its investment. The tab for that financial engineering is enough to cover all of Treasury’s losses on tax-inversion schemes for three years. And more than enough to make you sick to your stomach.

The Roundtable couldn’t answer written questions in time for deadline, but we’ll add their responses as they arrive.

They’re unlikely to change this take-away: When business lobbies say tax-and-spending decisions fundamentally drive investment in tomorrow’s products, factories and jobs, don’t listen. It’s not true.

Tim Mullaney writes on economics, health care and technology. Follow him on Twitter @timmullaney or contact him at tim.mullaney@outlook.com. He doesn’t own stocks mentioned here.

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