



In response to feedback from local, state, and federal elected officials, the GOP is proposing a radical revisioning of the Christian Ten Commandments that officials and their constituency purport to live their lives by. In a press release, the GOP stated:

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[For Retroactive Release]

In an effort to reduce oppressive Vatican oversight into our lives and to increase FREEDOM, the GOP proposes the following changes to the Ten Commandments.





"Thou shall remember the Sabbath" shall be changed to, "Thou shall remember the Sabbath for a maximum of 90 minutes. Before and afterwards, profit-driven enterprises shall be permitted to function. Additionally, heathens shall be encouraged to participate in profit-driven enterprises the entire Sabbath because they're going to hell anyway and we need our drive-thrus to operate without delay."





"Thou shall not kill" shall be amended with "…unless with guns or the witholding of healthcare."





"Thou shall not commit adultery" shall be amended with "…unless committed as an adjunct to legislative and/or ministerial duties. In such cases, ministers shall be forgiven and legislators encouraged to seek re-election. Note that this applies to conservative, God-fearing officials and ministers only. Socialists and liberals that commit adultery shall be publicly castigated and forbidden from entering heaven."





"Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor" shall be amended with "…unless on television to defend our inviolate positions on public policy. These positions (including the right to own assault rifles) are given to us by God himself and we shall defend them by any means necessary."





"Thou shall not covet they neighbor's house, wife, or goods" shall be deleted entirely because CAPITALISM.

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The GOP is encouraging all members to abide by these changes to the Ten Commandments if they are not already doing so.