Repeated Postholing Drives Local Man to Insanity

TUCKERMANS RAVINE, MAINE, USA

Authorities say this past Saturday James R. Robinson, III was arrested after allegedly choking a postholer to death with a voile strap. When asked about the incident James said “I was sick of it, SICK OF IT, I can’t stand it every weekend these jerry’s from Connecticut and New Jersey stream into the whites like the fucking salmon of Capistrano, and they have no experience, none. They have no idea how to ski, hike, hell I don’t know how half of them even tie their shoes in the morning. IDIOTS. I can’t stand it. What in sam heck do they think they are doing, every step sinking 1-2 feet in, I mean seriously how far do they think they’ll make it up the mountain goin’ at that pace, and do they even look behind them to see the path of destruction they left in their wake. I’m here every day, and it’s only on the weekend that these IDIOTS are out here destroying the trail. I’ve tried being kind only to have a can of bud light thrown at me, told to mind my own business and “hike my own hike”,HIKE MY OWN HIKE, Are you fucking kidding me bro!?!?! That’s what I’m trying to do! Imagine if I came down to Greenwich or Hoboken and got in the way of your BMW, constantly placing speed bumps every 10-20 feet, huh? Do you think you’d like that fucker? No I think not. So that’s why I did it, ya see. This last time was the final straw. It had snowed 16 inches overnight and I was ready to crush it, an early morning hike followed by deep powder shots to my face on my favorite run, my idea of a perfect day. I put on my skis and made my way to the trail only to find the skin track had already been raped by bigfoot jerry. I quickly caught up to the struggling creature and tried ONCE AGAIN to inform and reason with it, but there was no reasoning this time, the bud light drinking, BMW driving jerry tried to tell me to “hike my own hike” and I snapped. I pulled the orange voile strap off my ski pole, wrapped it around its neck and yanked that sucker ‘til it stopped moving. It felt great! When its chest stopped moving I knew once again, finally, I’d be able to skin up to my spot with no more post holes. I didn’t even try to hide the body, I left it right there in the middle of the trail as a warning to other bigfoot jerry’s. The turns that day may have been earned with my freedom but the pow was all time. When I arrived back at my car the police were waiting, and I was arrested. But man, was it good. Worth it? You betcha!”James was sentenced to life in prison. He now earns his turns with lunch trays in the prison yard.

Like Trees 'n Powder on Facebook



Follow @treesnpowder802 on Instagram