DENVER, CO— A local man mourns the death of his pot plant Wednesday, as he finally came to terms with the fact that the plant will not bud due to neglect. Although the would-be-weed-grower is unemployed and literally had no responsibilities besides the curation of the plant, the harsh reality has set in— the black light to sunlight ratio was way off. “I lost my job due to the COVID-19 outbreak,” the man said, sniffling. “Well, I actually lost it in early January but it was pre-emptive; my company was on the cutting edge of the severity of this crisis,” he continued defensively, adding, “that pot plant was my only purpose in life. And now it’s gone.” While the man declined to specify whether the plant was an indica, sativa, or a hybrid, the best he can now hope for is stem tea to provide a little high. “What’s even worse is my succulent isn’t doing so hot either, and it can literally go months without water,” the depressed stoner stated, shaking his head in disbelief. “Hey speaking of things that need water, where the fuck is the cat?”

With quarantine in full swing, Sleeping Sardines would like to remind everyone that dispensaries are considered essential businesses, and will have plenty of pot without in-home growers.