[Editor’s note: The inimitable Rude Jude Angelini now has a new weekly advice column for TheHundreds.com. The shock jock-turned-memoirist wrote one of Bobby Hundreds’ favorite books of 2014. Now, he’s taking his sharp wit to The Hundreds in a recurring advice column where figures from our community reach out and ask Rude Jude for a helping hand.]

YO! JUDE,

Hey Jude, here’s my problem. I’ve been with my baby mama for like a year and a half. Prior to that, we were fucking on and off since late 2010, nothing serious. It was really just sex, but we both had tons of feelings for each other. The problem is, 2 years ago she decided to fuck around and went and fucked someone I knew. At the time, she wanted a relationship and I just wasn’t sure. I knew I loved her, and she claimed she loved me. But still, she went and fucked this fuckin’ lame ass dude. In the process, she got herpes, though at the time she said it wasn’t, it was just a rash. I loved her so much by then I believed her, thinking she didn’t have anything. Fast-forward 2 years later, it turns out she does have herpes – I found out after I got her pregnant. On top of that, I found out a whole bunch of shit ’bout her, and it turns out she was a complete slut, all while we’re just having sex, and claiming love for me. After the whole incident 2 years ago, and after I made her my girl, she changed for what it seems a whole 180 – or it seems that way. She treats me good, she is completely dedicated to me. The thing is, I can’t seem to get over the fact that she was a slut, and got herpes. It bothers me so much! I bring that shit up all the time, and most the time I’m unhappy as fuck. But I have a little girl with her now, and I don’t wanna miss her growing up. Or pay child support, since I make over 80k a year. Should I leave her, or should I be unhappy forever?

Signed,

Confused About Love

You’re mad and you should be, but let’s start at the beginning and figure out what makes sense to be mad about. The fact that she was “slutty” while you were fucking is no biggy. Let it go. I know you said she loved you and you loved her. But if you loved her so much and didn’t want other dicks going inside of her, you would have made her your woman. You didn’t. So she got the cock parade.

What else? She fucked a lame that you knew. That’s what chicks do when they’re feeling rejected. You haven’t noticed that? They’re kind of passive aggressive sometimes, they do fucked up shit when they feel scorned, like taking half your stuff in a divorce or using a baby as a lotto ticket. Chicks are wild.

As a matter of fact, now that I think of it, every girlfriend I’ve ever had has fucked one of my homies when we broke up. One of my exes even fucked an aspiring rapper I knew. Do you know what a fucking kick in the balls that is? Having to think about your girl fucking some nobody with a mixtape? I’d tell you his rapper name but you wouldn’t know it, cuz dude never did shit, ‘cept fuck my ex.

Now yours is even worse because she fucked a lame you knew with herpes and every time she gets an outbreak, you’re gonna have to think about her banging your buddy Charlie from T-Mobile and lying to you about a disease for 2 years. And you’ll see those bumps on her crotch and then you’ll see his smug little face plowing your girl and it’s gonna break your heart. That’s okay – it’s s’posed to. She put you at risk and ruined your trust.

I’m not here to tell you why she didn’t tell ya. Maybe she was scared. Maybe she’s a selfish cunt. Maybe she’s a fucking moron. I don’t know.

It looks to me like you have two options, stick it out or leave. You’re gonna have to do some soul searching. Do you love her? Is she a good person? Do you wanna make it work? Can you get past the betrayal? This is the mother of your child after all, herpes-ridden whore that she is. And you may still love her, the heart is a curious thing.

So here it is: If you stay with her, you have to forgive her, this may even take therapy to get past it. You can’t hold a grudge, it’ll become toxic and ruin you two. You can’t hold it over her head; you can’t be bring it up whenever you’re fighting.

“John, you forgot to take out the garbage.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you forgot to not-fuck Charlie. Now every couple months, your pussy looks like Craig Mack’s face.”

You see how that’s gonna turn bad?

Now if you can’t get past it? That’s cool too. No judgment. Fuck that lying bitch. Lawyer up. Make a plan, and leave.

One other thing if you’re gonna stick with her, you might as well cop some Valtrex cuz I can’t see you getting out of this unscathed.

::

Got questions for Rude Jude? Email YoJude@TheHundreds.com.