The following is satirical.

The social media platform Twitter is now offering medical degrees for people who want to say they are doctors while they tweet their insane opinions in fits of uncontrollable rage.

In order to receive a Twitter medical degree you must be able to spell the word “co-morbidity” correctly give or take two or three letters, and you must be able to use the word “herd immunity,” in a tone of voice that suggests you have the faintest idea what the hell you’re talking about.

In the final exam, you will be asked to write a sentence that is provably untrue five times in a row in capital letters, to indicate that it has now become true as a result of your doing that.

The first graduating class included Dr. Bill “Donald Trump Lied, People Died” Jackson. Dr. People Died Jackson said, “It’s obvious that anyone who wants America to return to work is a right-wing loon who cares more about some greedy shop clerk raking in the big bucks than he does about the innocent life of a grandma or a bunny or a little child with big sad eyes. As a medical professional, I’m telling you if you leave your home, you risk dying of the virus, or a car accident, or maybe from cooking a burger in the office kitchen and having it spit hot fat in your eye causing you to reel backward, slam into the wall, dislodge a supply shelf which then buries you under a box of stationery supplies, where you remain for days until you starve. Hashtag stay safe, stay home forever.”

Dr. Jane “Tara Reade is Telling the Truth” Warkowski said, “I’m insanely outraged at this absurd insane outrageous absurdity. We must return to work so that the tyrants stamping out our sacred liberties will be defeated, and also my roots are beginning to show.”

Twitter says their new medical degree will allow everyone on Twitter to speak about complex medical issues as an expert, just like they were doing before.

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