Tactical voter acting like he’s like Sir Alex bloody Ferguson

Tactical voters around the country have begun to feel like Sir Alex Ferguson the eve of a big game.

With a general election all but confirmed for December 12th, and with many of the smaller parties set to take a record share of the vote, tactical voting has become the go-to phrase for anyone who thinks they can do something to prevent a hung parliament or ensure their version of Brexit actually happens.

“Yeah, I’m gonna vote tactically,” said voter Simon Williams, fooling absolutely no-one that he knows either what that means or how to make sure he does it.

“I’m a big believer in 4-4-2, obviously, but if it means keeping Boris out of number 10 then I’ll happily embrace these new-fangled wing-backs everyone keeps talking about and switch to three at the back.

“I’m committed to keeping Boris out of power, so if that means adopting a system of play that I think is both unattractive and defensively suspect, then that’s what I will do.

“I will do my research before the 12th December, don’t you worry, and if it means going all Tiki-taka like Pep Guardiola to stop the Tories, I’ll even give that a go.”

Voter and self-proclaimed patriot Derek Matthews told us, “I plan to vote tactically to make sure the very specific Brexit that envisaged back in 2016 is the only one that happens.

“Just this morning I have been and bought a load of camouflage gear, so my vote couldn’t be more tactical if it came from Winston Churchill himself.”