Day Four: Coexist

Thankfully, we haven't talked much since that first day.

Immediately after that meal, I retreated back to my room to figure out a schedule (i.e. finding a way to spend the least amount of time with Elsa). I hate doing that, I like to know that I don't know what's gonna happen, it keeps me on my toes.

To my credit, though, I've stuck to it pretty well: I wake up around 11 AM, go to the gym, have a super late breakfast/kinda early lunch, stay in the bathroom for like an hour, meet up with one of my friends, come back to the room and eat a super late dinner in front of my TV, and then watch stuff until I pass out which is usually around 1 AM.

...I never said it was a healthy schedule.

Whatever, it works. And my interactions with Elsa have been minimal aside from good morning and asking about her day. Hey, she doesn't seem bothered by the fact that we're not talking much, and I'm not either.

The way I see it, this setup will be best for both of us.

At least that's what I tell myself, but damn it I can't get rid of that weird feeling in my stomach. I want to ask her how she's been, but she looks okay...so do I even need to? I want answers, but I don't know what for.

I still want to tell her how I barely slept for two months after the breakup because my bed was so cold.

But she looks okay, and I don't want to jeopardize that because I don't want to lose out on this. So as much as I don't want to, I have to keep biting my tongue. What other choice do I have?

Aside from, you know, talking about my feelings with her like an adult.

That's not gonna happen, but if I don't let out this pent-up frustration somehow, then I'm gonna go crazy. Luckily, three out of the five massive gyms at Arendelle Towers have punching bags. I just happen to be here at a time when none of them were in use.

Don't get it twisted, I don't have any fighting experience. Like at all. But I have taken self-defense classes before and I really liked all the punching and kicking they had us do. Turns out it's really therapeutic.

I've fixed my feet to keep myself grounded and in a proper stance, and I've got gloves and everything. On the inside, I feel like some badass cage fighter, on the outside I just look like a girl who didn't get a lot of sleep. They say you shouldn't picture anyone on the punching bag, and I'm not. I'm picturing a memory. A very specific memory.

THWACK

We're in her apartment, six months after my birthday. We just had dinner at this Italian place that she loves, hoping that'll get her talking.

THWACK

She barely speaks while we're there, she barely speaks while we're in her bedroom. I kiss her and it's like she's going through the motions.

THWACK

I get angry, to the point that I'm almost in tears. I come out and ask why she hasn't said "I love you too". She doesn't respond, she says she has a lot on her mind. She says she doesn't want to hurt me.

THWACK

THWACK

I say that not saying anything hurts me more. I say that she doesn't know how much it hurts.

THWACK

THWACK

THWACK

We're shouting. I'm shouting. She says nothing else. She won't say anything else. I ask if she'll ever say it back. She says nothing. She says she's sorry. She says she doesn't want to hurt me. She says she's sorry that she's not who I want her to be. I've heard that same shit from her a hundred times.

THWACK

I leave. I tell her it's over. She doesn't stop me.

THWACK

Why doesn't she stop me? Why doesn't she fucking stop me?!

THWACK

THWACK

I hate her.

THWACK

I love her.

THWACK

I miss her.

THWACK

I hope she's miserable.

THUD

I'm knocked on my ass by the force of a 60-pound punching bag swinging on to me. Everyone inside the gym is looking at me concerned, a few people even look impressed. I get back up and wave at everyone to show that I'm okay. Even though my hands feel like they were smashed by a hammer and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a bruise on my ass later.

Part of me is impressed I was able to hit it so hard that it swung back at me, another part of me is scared by how far gone I was.

Damn it Elsa, you're interrupting my alone time.

I call it quits not long after that. It's been a couple of hours and now I'm sweaty and gross, which is gonna make my shower and nap that much more satisfying. I might even take a bath, none of my friends are available today so I need to burn as much time as possible.

I lean against the wall of the elevator, it's empty which means I get to enjoy a couple more minutes alone. That is, until a hand appears between the doors right before they close. I kind of want to see if glaring at them makes them wait for the next-

Fuck, it's Elsa.

Her eyes widen once she sees me, "Oh hey!"

"Hey!" I say back without thinking.

"Did you just get done at the gym?"

I look down, "Do the sweaty tank top and leggings not give that away?"

She giggles- damn it- even though my comment seemed a little too bitchy. "I didn't want to assume anything. And that's a cute tank top."

It's a 50-cent thrift shop find and has a picture of a monkey playing the drums. I almost fought this teenager for it. It's one of my favorite shirts. "I mean it's okay, I guess."

The doors close, and I swear the elevator goes extra slow today. Or maybe it's slow because neither of us have said another word. Elsa's just looking at the blinking lights on the top of the cart like a puppy looking at his owner's food.

Once I stop looking at her stupid, dumb face, I ask something that I should have asked earlier: "Where have you been?"

Elsa smiles and gestures to the backpack over her shoulder, "I was doing some writing. Did you know this place has a library?"

Huh, I guess she's still trying to make it as an author. "You know I stopped reading voluntarily after high school."

She frowns, "Yeah but I was hoping that might have changed."

I could say the same about you.

"What was that, Anna?"

Shit.

"Nothing, I was...talking to myself. Don't worry about it." Me and my big mouth, damn it Elsa. Why'd you have to go to the library this early in the morning? I mean it's 12 PM, but whatever.

"Mmkay, well I'm right here. You don't have to talk to yourself."

"We'll have more time to talk when we get back to the room." Why did I say that?! Uuuuuuugh.

Wait, Elsa's face lights up when I say that. Why? Does she want to talk to me? I wish I could understand her better, but she's giving me nothing. All I get is that smile and those bright, excitable eyes that I used to love looking at.

"Okay!" She says with genuine happiness. At least that's what it sounds like.

Finally, finally, the elevator doors open and we're back on the ninth floor...and now begins the long walk down the hallway.

I hate my life.

"So what'd you do at the gym?" Elsa asks.

"Oh just some cardio stuff, high-intensity interval training and all that." And also punching the crap out of an innocent punching bag.

"That's cool. Do you still go a lot?"

"Five times a week, yeah." Now thinking about making it seven. I wonder if she'll notice it if I fast walk to the room. I could just make up an excuse like I need to pee really bad or something.

"I've started going too, but I'm there in the mornings before you wake up."

I shake my head, "Never understood how you can be such a morning person."

"Me neither."

Somehow we make it to our door safe and sound. I take my keycard out of the slim pocket of my leggings at the same time Elsa takes hers out of her jeans. We both reach for the door at the same time and pull back at the same time. What is this? A romantic comedy?

"Go ahead," I tell her as I gesture towards the door with my keycard. She smiles and opens the door for us.

I have not been this excited to see the inside of our room since the beginning of this week. To my credit, though, I rein in my eagerness enough to walk naturally back to my room.

"I'm gonna take a shower. I feel all sweaty and gross," I add with a sheepish smile that I hope signals the end of this awkward conversation.

"Okay!" Elsa opens her bedroom door at the same time that I open mine. But before she goes in, she leans on her door frame and gives me a look I've seen a hundred times before. A shy smile with her eyes looking down at my shoes.

She's about to ask me to do something.

"Uh hey, I know we can talk after you take a shower but I guess I wanna ask now before I forget…"

"What is it?" I ask, even though inside I'm dreading whatever it is. She bites her lip, which completes the look. And even before she asks, I know it's gonna be hard for me to say no.

"Do you wanna...do something tomorrow? You know like hang out and do something? Just the two of us?"

Uh...huh.

Well, that's unexpected.

Did she just- no. No no no. No! Don't think of it as a date. Don't think of it as a date. Do not think of it as a date. Elsa just asked you a completely innocent question. She just wants to know if you have time to hang out tomorrow.

Alone.

Just the two of you.

Oh my gosh, it sure as hell sounds like one. But you know her. She makes her intentions very clear and tells you exactly what she wants. If she was gonna ask you out on a date, she'd just come right out and say it. But she didn't, which means it's not a date. Plus that would be stupid because that would mean she'd want to get back together, which would be wrong because...something, I don't know right now.

Also the money. We'd lose the money.

But maybe she's too scared to come right out and say it, so she's going with the safe question. To see how I'll take it. Well I'm not taking it very well, am I?!

As I'm having this internal debate, I see Elsa's smile lower and she begins to go into her room. "You know what? Uh, that was kind of a stupid question to ask. Forget I said anything, okay?"

Fuck it. "Yeah, I'm down."

She reappears, "Really? For sure?"

"For sure." I'm not, but she doesn't need to know that.

Her smile is small but relieved. It's like she's already in tomorrow, thinking about us spending time together. And it's killing me, especially when she says "I'm glad" in the sweetest, fucking voice.

"I'll talk to you after you take a shower and do whatever you need to do, okay?" She says, still wearing that damn smile.

"Okay." I'm just about to close my door when I hear Elsa say my name.

"What's up?" I ask her.

"I just...wanted to say thanks. I know this whole thing is kind of awkward…" Kind of? "So just, thanks for not completely shutting me out."

"I would…" I stop myself, right before saying that I would never shut her out. I don't want to make promises I can't keep. "...I wouldn't want that to happen. If we're gonna be living together for a year, we should find a better way to coexist."

"Coexist…" Elsa repeats like she's tasting the word on her tongue. "Yeah, we really should."

"Yeah so...don't sweat it."

She snickers, "I could say the same thing to you."

"What do…" Elsa points a finger at my shirt, "Oh. Right. Yeah, I gotta go take a shower."

"Have fun," Elsa remarks before closing her door and giggling.

I close my own door, quickly grab the first pair of clothes I see, and shut myself in my bathroom for an hour. I do more thinking than showering.

A/N: Just to clarify, this whole story will be written from Anna's perspective.

And yes, I do want you to believe that she has the strength to knock a 60-pound punching bag so hard that it comes back at her with enough force to knock her down. Imaaaaaginaaatiooooon.