I WILL MARRY YOU (to someone else). I have a stellar history as a matchmaker. I will help you propose (I've done this at 3 shows already), run the ceremony, whatever it takes. I'll do the necessary paperwork to make it legal in your state. I'll pay my own travel/lodging costs as well. ONE CAVEAT: We need to make sure I can do this in your state. Some fools will not recognize my online clergy status (NC, UT, NV) but MOST will. I'll bring my guitar and whatever merch you'd like. I also promise to get tipsy after the ceremony. Plus DIGITAL DOWNLOAD DELUXE.

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