Diane Kelly Forgot To Pay Rent So PURR Cat Cafe Is Closed, Franzia Induced Bender Leads To Cats Taking Over Facebook Page And Insulting Everyone On The Way Out

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The story of the PURR Cat Cafe was arguably the greatest story told in Turtleboy history. Click here to get caught up on the entire thing. Here’s the TL;DR:

Mentally unstable woman named Diane Kelly who doesn’t really seem to care about cats and has no business acumen opens a cat cafe in Brighton

Conditions were unlivable for the cats in the basement and she does almost nothing to fix it

Rescue organizations refused to donate cats to her “non profit” because of this

Dianne publicly defamed the rescue organization

Dianne never paid several “employees” and slut shamed her former manager Kathleen over and over and over again for her BDSM polyamorous cat sex life

She had no cats (or any necessary supplies to run an operation like this) so she posted pictures of kittens from Arizona on Facebook and pretended they were in the cafe

Dianne posted on the PURR Cat Cafe business page, pretending to speak for the cats, and passive-aggressively called out anyone who criticized her or asked legitimate questions

Occasionally a sane person took over the Facebook page and attempted to rebuild all the good will that Dianne has destroyed during her drunken trips to the keyboard

Dianne attempted to show that the business was legit by allowing people to live stream an open house, but it went terribly wrong conditions were revealed to be deplorable

Tried to get an employees to illegally solicit the MSPCA for free cats while pretending to be a rescue

Pretended all her employees who quit were still working there by posting all pictures of them on PURR’s Facebook page

To improve the damaged done from all the bad PR Dianne partnered with an openly anti-semitic man who messaged anyone badmouthing the cafe privately and said mean things to them, thus doing the opposite of what she intended to do

The opening date kept getting pushed back further and further and further, and those who had donated to her fundraiser never got their money back

Meow. Meow. Purr.

She also gave us the most famous line in the history of Turtleboy Sports.

WE HAVE NO CATS KATHLEEN!

That was a wild ride.

Miraculously PURR Cat Cafe actually opened.

Then two months later Diane was back on Turtleboy after the Boston Police found her passed out drunk in PURR’s bathroom, and it was reported that some cats (which she somehow acquired) might have run away.

The victim (Kelly) was able to state that she “drank a lot today, probably a gallon of wine.” Officers asked when she last stopped drinking to which she replied, “I never stopped.” Officers observed multiple empty bottles of wine on the floor also with an open bottle of Cat Medication (Amprolium). It should be noted the only items located in the exit foyer area were the victim’s purse, bottles of wine, the cat medication, and a broom. The victim refused to answer any questions as to why the cat medication was located next to the bottles of wine.

Yet somehow PURR Cat Cafe survived.

Until last month.

“My understanding is that the cafe is now closed,” said a trustee of NTABOS, the realty trust listed on the sign on Purr’s door, who did not want to be identified by name. From Boston Municipal Court records, it appears that Peter Davos of NTABOS sued Purr’s owner, Diane Kelly, for failing to pay rent. The judge ruled in Davos’ favor, and an execution for possession of commercial property was issued on October 4.

Diane Kelly forgot to pay her bills? I find that impossible to believe. Surely this woman, who has the organizational skills and temperament of Dennis the Menace, wouldn’t miss several months rent, would she?

The real miracle here is that it took two years for this to happen.

Despite knowing that she was going to be permanently closing Diane tried one more time to milk donations out of whatever supporters she had life with a silent auction to raise money for a business that she knew would not be there any longer.

And yes, she did use the phrase “Boston Strong” as a marketing ploy to con people out of money. Because at this point she might as well try to capitalize on a terrorist attack that happened two miles away on her way out. What does she have to lose?

Evidently there was also a sale on Franzia at Wegmans too, because this week the cats have once again taken over PURR’s Facebook page, and they’re calling out customers by name, praising Diane for being so amazing, and misspelling words in hilarious fashion (crusifiction sounds like a section of the library on the Norwegian Dawn).

And guess who still hasn’t gotten paid?

Pray for Kathleen. Even though she blocked SSTG and did an interview with everyone but Turtleboy. I know that both Kathleen and Diane wouldn’t talk to SSTG, but maybe she’ll talk to Bret and I? Consider this an open invitation to the both of them.

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