Your bong is like your boyfriend – it’s true. There is a special bond that forms between a girl and her bong. Over time, a relationship is established and over time a bong can take over many of the same characteristics as a boyfriend. Let’s go ahead and get past the phallic imagery. Yes, a bong has a shaft. Yes, a dick has a shaft. I also acknowledge the fact that you put your mouth on a bong. Now that’s covered, and we can start to really explore how your bong is like your boyfriend.

1. You picked it out because it looks pretty.

Personality matters. Really, it does. Unfortunately personally takes longer to see than a chiseled jaw line. It doesn’t matter if you’re deciding between a bong or a boyfriend – aesthetics play a big role in making a first impression.

2. Your bond grows stronger.

Over time, you begin to see your bong for more than just it’s beauty. You begin to learn the specific little things that make your bong tick. Is there a certain way to clear your bong more easily? If there is, I bet you’ve figured it out. As this bond matures you may become somewhat dependent upon your bong. Perhaps old friends like hand pipes and blunts begin to take a backseat to your main squeeze.

3. There will be times that you are angry.

No relationship is perfect. There will be ups and downs. Ever spilled bong water on the carpet or bedsheets? Perhaps your bong is the bad boy type and you have to keep it your dirty little secret from your family. This can put quite a strain on your relationship.

4. Sometimes it will get dirty.

Boys just like to get all dirty and sweaty sometimes. It’s in their nature. This is also true about your bong. Boys will be boys, and bongs will be bongs, however, a good regular cleaning can do wonders for both hygiene and appearance.

5. Breaking up is hard.

It’s like someone is driving a stake through your heart. All you can think about is the good times, and how all of that is over now. Perhaps you start to cry. You have dropped and broken your bong. It’s okay. There are other bongs out there. Even better bongs that are more deserving of you. I know it hurts now, but eventually you will heal and find the bong you have always been searching for.

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