I want to own the internet. Yes, that’s what I want.

Some of the guys in my Dad Bloggers Facebook group joke about this.

Nearly every one of these guys blogs has a gazillion followers and thousands of likes. And has gone viral.

So, why not me?

Now, I’m not saying going viral would make me smarter, healthier, or handsomer. But it would be cool and fun to see the numbers shoot up higher than Keith Richards in the 70’s.

I’m going to admit something here. Deep breath required before I type this next sentence. I go through phases where I check my blogging stats eight times (or maybe even more) a day. Now, I’m not proud of my obsessiveness, neediness, or deliriousness.

Again, I ask why can’t one of my posts go viral?

Why, why, why?

Now, it can’t be my writing. That’s some kind of quality going on there.

Then, you have my topics. Well, you have some winners there. Touching, funny, and insightful. Check, check, and check.

Some say going viral is all about the title. Once again, I say check. Especially lately.

So, you have top notch writing, quality material, and intriguing headlines. What’s the problem then?

Really, what’s left?

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I often play the role of guilty parent.

I blame myself (or my wife but I don’t want to talk about that – family peace – know what I mean?) for all of my children’s faults.

SJ is impatient and rushes through nearly everything. That description fits me to a tee.

BR is not artistic and doesn’t care. Ditto for me.

On top of that, both my children are shy. One more trait inherited by my children from me. Aren’t they lucky?

They did get some good traits from me as well, but I’ll save that for another post.

However, there are some things that are my children’s fault.

Yes. They are the reason I have not had a blog post go viral. I’m convinced. I don’t care how you spin it. This one is on the children.

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You see as a dad blogger, my posts are often children focused. Well, I don’t have to tell you that. You read each post with great excitement as soon as it pops up.

Anyway, pictures are the key to going blogging/going viral. Readers love pictures.

However getting a good picture of my children is a nearly impossible.

No, they are not ugly. In fact, my children are rather handsome if you ask me though I’m obviously biased.

So, getting a picture should be a snap.

All they have to do is freaken smile and look at the damn camera!

Instead, my children look the wrong way, or move, or make the fake smile.

You see that mediocre pic in the middle of the montage above this post. That was the 7th try and by the end of this photo session I was muttering. It’s enough to make you tear your hair out (no, I am not blaming them for my baldness. Well, not completely).

By the way, can you imagine my boys sitting for one of those old time photos? You know the ones where people are all dressed up and had to sit for hours to have a photograph.

So, the reason I have not had a post go viral is my children. Yes, that’s it. It has to be.

Darn kids! Just smile and the internet would be all mine.

P.S. I feel guilty. I must confess. I don’t take good pictures either. Damn.

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photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/robinhamman/2117128959/”>robinhamman</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a>

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