An uber-conservative Christian law firm affiliated with Michele Bachmann has filed a brief warning that same-sex marriage leads to marriage between humans and animals.

Unbeknownst to the vast majority of Americans, there are several multi-million dollar Christian law firms that traipseÂ the country attempting to shift the directionÂ of the nation’s valuesÂ â€“ to the right.

Recently, the Alliance Defending Freedom became a household name, after it filed an embarrassingly ridiculous lawsuit against a tiny Idaho town on behalf of two Christian ministers who own a wedding chapel. The ADF claimed their clients could be subject to hundreds of thousandsÂ of dollars in fines and jail time if they refused to marry a same-sex couple. The city repeatedly told them they were wrong but it was Fox News fodder for weeks.

Another Christian conservative law firm that tries to channel the nation’s values its way is the Thomas More Law Center.Â

Co-founded by Dominos Pizza magnate and Catholic crusaderÂ Tom Monaghan, and itsÂ Chief Counsel, Richard Thompson, the Center has managed to get big name conservatives to sign onto its Advisory Boards. Among them, Rick Santorum, failed one-term Tea Party Congressman Allen West, radical right wing agitator Alan Keyes, and Tea Party queen Michele Bachmann.

The Thomas More Law Center just filed an amicus brief with the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals in the Louisiana same-sex marriage case. The briefÂ is purportedly on behalf of the National Coalition of Black Pastors and Christian Leaders, which the brief curiously claims represents “the interests of over 25,000 Ministries/Churches that include over 3 million laity in the United States,” despite seeming to have no separate Internet presence or website.

The 35-page brief includes several offensive and outrageous claims, which should land it in the circular file if the 5th Circuit judges have any senseÂ â€“ which of courseÂ they do.

Among the ridiculousÂ claims the Thomas More Law Center makes are that same-sex marriage is a slippery slope to men marrying animalsÂ â€“ the infamous man-dog marriages the religious right always claims will happen without one single instance of it ever having happened.

“If ‘marriage’ means fulfilling oneâ€™s personal choices regarding intimacy,” the brief states, “it is difficult to see how States could regulate marriage on any basis. If personal autonomy is the essence of marriage, then not only gender, but also number, familial relationship, and even species are insupportable limits on that principle and they all will fall. This is not just a slippery slope on which the Appellants wish to set us, it is a bottomless pit into which they desire to throw us.”

Yes, polygamy, bestiality, incest are all at the end of that slippery slope called marriage between two people of the same-sexÂ â€“ according toÂ theÂ Thomas More Law Center.

And there’s more.

Same-sex marriage is merely the “trendy, relativist morality of political correctness.â€

It is, theÂ Thomas More Law CenterÂ insists, a “self-evident truth is that it is best for children to be raised by their parents whenever possible,” and any claim to the contrary is “vacuous at best.”

Never mind there are countless thousands, if not millions of same-sex couples raising the children of heterosexuals who for whatever reason could not parent their children.

Also, theÂ Thomas More Law Center claims, there is no such thing as gay people, only gay behavior.

“A personâ€™s sexuality and sexual preferences, however, are not their state of being, or even an immutable aspect of who they are, as race is. The truth of theÂ matter is that it is merely activity in which they engage.”

In other words, you’re not gay, even if you are attracted only to people of the same gender.

So, what would they call that?

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