How To: Survive The First 6 Weeks Of Fatherhood

Congratulations, Megan Fox! And Good Luck With The Exhaustion

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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! You’re now officially a father, and if you’re anything like most new dads, you’re already feeling overwhelmed by the screaming little banshee living in the bassinet by your bed. Why didn’t anyone tell you you’d only sleep for 15 minutes at a time or that you’d spend half your evenings scraping poo off your ceiling fan? Rest assured, your life will get easier, but before it does you’ll have to survive your baby’s first six weeks. It’s going to take patience, persistence, a sense of humor and 16,000 receiving blankets, but you, your partner and the monster that popped out of her loins will indeed survive. Read on to discover how to expertly navigate what most experts agree is the most challenging time of your baby’s life.



Learn to cat nap

Be selfish

Get ready to get dirty

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Chances are your newborn is going to keep you up for most of the night so it’s important to sleep whenever you get the chance, regardless of the time of day. That may mean forsaking the last quarter of a basketball game you’ve been watching on TV or putting one of your favorite hobbies on the back burner until your child is a little older and less demanding. (You can wait 27 years, can’t you?) Sleep is a precious commodity during your newborn’s early days , so stock up on it whenever, and wherever, you can.Friends and relatives will likely start coming out of the woodwork in your newborn’s first few weeks, and while you certainly want to show off your new addition, it’s critical that you put you and your baby's welfare first. If necessary, be a little bit selfish and say no to others' requests if you don't have the energy. When family and friends do drop by, don’t be afraid to put them to work. Ask your loved ones to bring a freshly cooked dinner each time they visit, or invite your partner’s parents over to help with some of the household chores. Regardless of how tenuous your relationship may be with your in-laws, you’re bound to see them in a totally new light when they’re down on their hands and knees scrubbing the grout in your tub.Although everyone always talks about the miracle of child birth, the real miracle is the fact that a human being with a stomach the size of a chickpea can have bowel movements the size of a softball. As angelic as your newborn may be, the contents of their diapers will have you reaching out for your hazmat suit at least twice a day. Of course, poo is only part of the problem. You have to prepare yourself for the fact that you’re going to get peed on more often than R. Kelly on spring break. Once you do accept that unavoidable truth, you’ll be a much happier father

Since babies are deigned to leak at both ends, you’ll want to load up on plenty of cleaning supplies. You could use soap and water, but they’ll never truly make your baby’s smell disappear, so make sure to have plenty of industrial strength cleaning supplies on hand. There are plenty of products available at the drug store that are powerful but not toxic for the environs that your new baby will be living in.

More on how to survive the first six weeks of daddy duties after the jump...