Bella Thorne (the one in the purple Pretty Woman wig) is the reigning Princess of Coochella (Vanessa Hudgens is the forever queen) and so she must be confused about whether or not to go this year. On one hand, she’s bi-sexual. On the other hand, she really loves getting photographed twirling around in coochie cutters as some band none of us have ever heard of plays. What to do… What to do…

Some of us “boycotted” Coochella a long ass time ago, because we’re way too old to get daytime high on molly while stuck in the middle of a sweaty sea of flower crown-wearing hipsters. (I prefer to get daytime high on molly in the comfort of my own living room, thankyouverymuch.) But now, some may scream BOYCOTT COACHELLA after finding out that its owner hates gays, a woman’s right to choose and the Ozone layer.

The Washington Post did an article about the “enemies of equality for LGBT Americans” and on their list is Philip Anschutz, who owns AEG, the world’s largest owner of sports teams and venues and also a gigantic entertainment company. Coachella is operated by Goldenvoice and Goldenvoice is owned by AEG.

The Washington Post says that Anschutz has given thousands of dollars of his own billions to anti-LGBTQ groups like Family Research Council, the Alliance Defending Freedom and the National Christian Foundation. Those groups have been trying to snatch away rights from the LGBTQ community. Jezebel adds that he’s also donated to Mission America Coalition, which has been classified as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. The Family Research Council and the National Christian Foundation also fight against pro-choice rights.

On top of that, Greenpeace reported in 2013 that Anschutz, who made a lot of money in oil and gas, donates to climate science denial groups. He’s also one of the evil rich bitches who attends the Koch Brothers’ twice-annual strategy meeting “where millions of dollars are raised to influence politics through groups like the Heritage Foundation.”

Oh, he’s also anti-union, because why not?!

Phil Anschutz’s anti-everything ways have been known for a while, but sites like Uproxx brought them back out after this year’s Coachella line-up was announced. This year’s Annual Gathering Of The Coked Up Douche Hipsters will include sets from Hans Zimmer, Beyonce, Radiohead and Kendrick Lamar.

Tickets went on sale yesterday. So did the regurgitation of Anschutz’s funding of hate groups affect sales? Not a damn. Coochella sold out in 3 hours.

Hmmm…. Now that I think about it, maybe Coachella is all part of Evil Billionaire Phil’s master plan to rid the world of gay sex. The only time I went to Coachella, I was surrounded by so many musky crotches that I swore off any kind of sex for eternity! Okay, who am I fooling? Those musky crotches turned me on more. There goes that theory.

And Leonardo DiCaprio has been to Coachella a few times, so it’ll be interesting to see if this year he flies his Hummer plane to the California desert to bust out hot moves at an event that puts money into the pockets of a climate change denier.

If the savior of the environment does go this year, nobody tell the polar bears. They’ve already been through enough!

Pic: Splash