When people are having sexual problems in their marriage one of the things people consider is to find a sex therapist. There are many misconceptions about a sex therapists/therapy and many people confuse a sex therapist with a sex surrogate.

Dr. Marty Klien, a nationally and internationally recognized American Marriage & Family therapist as well as sex therapist states "A sex therapist is just very good marriage therapist who does get distracted by sex." Too often people who are struggling with sex in their marriage want to look at the sex problem in isolation from their relationship. However, sexually problems are often not about sex, but other things going on in the relationship and one area that becomes aparent is in the bedroom.

A qualified sex therapist is someone who has a least a Master of Science degree in Mental Health Counselling or Psychology. They have completed at least a 1000 hour internship at a qualified mental health institution under the supervision of a senior Master degree or higher level supervision.

Then a sex therapist is required to have additional training that includes:

Sexual and Reproductive Anatomy and Physiology Developmental Sexuality Gender-Identity Issues Socio-cultural factors in sexual values and behavior Medical Factors Related to Sexuality and Sexual Functioning Interaction between sexuality and dynamics of interpersonal and family relationships Sexual OffenderTreatment Diagnosis of Sexual Dysfunctions, Disorders, and Deviancy Treatment of Sexual Dysfunctions, Disorders, and Deviancy Legal, Ethical, and Forensic Issues in Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a holistic approach to the person and how they identify and define and deal with their sexuality. Sex therapy addresses the relationship issues as well as the beliefs people have about how sex works. It is much more comprehensive than getting tips and tricks on how to do things differently during sex. Many sex therapist are also marriage and family therapist. A therapist with training and experience in relationships, plus attachment, and mental health is able to problem a client the most comprehensive approach.

A sex surrogate is a clinically trained person that works under a licensed sex therapist for very specific reasons and helps people directly with sex. Sex surrogacy can often be unregulated when not gotten through the proper channels. It is used rarely and in very specific cases. Most sex therapists do not provide or do any touch.

A sex therapist is working with an individual or a couple at the relationship level. There is no touching during any of the therapy sessions. Sex therapy actually has very little to do with learning new techniques, though that may be a small part of the therapy. Instead the therapy helps to explore the dynamics, beliefs and problem solving skills of a couple that may be interfering with their sex life. Sex between two consenting adults in a long term relationship, is in a system that requires cooperation, compatibility, respect and the ability to get along, the therapy focuses on helping couples to work out their differences outside of the bedroom in order to make the experience in the bedroom better.

Beyond Gimics

Sex organs are not complicated organs. The penis or the vagina is not a complicated organ. The Kidney or the heart is a complicated organ. Instead the most important sex organ in the body is the brain or the mind, a very important sex organ that is critical for intimate interpersonal sex.

Masturbation, one-night stands, sex with a sex worker does not require any mind or mental connection. This type of non-personal sex is not about cooperation. It is focused on an individual getting whatever they want from sex. The cooperation required is consent, amount of money, time and/or location. Once the act is completed the people never have to see each other or get along after that. It involves a high amount of autonomy.

Interpersonal, relationship sex that married couples experiences requires a high level of cooperation, conflict resolution, effective negotiation of needs and wants in order to make sex good. The mind is incredible important in this type of sex. So often what is happening outside in the relationship has a huge impact on what does or doesn't happen in the bedroom.

Too many people over simplify sex and want the issue to be resolved simplistically by defining the problem as one of technique. However, human beings are complicated animals and most people cannot have sex with someone that they are angry at or feel resentment or feel hurt by. No sex tips or tricks in the world will solve that problem.

Issues Sex Therapist Address

A professionally trained sex therapist helps couples really explore what is going in the relationship and how that is affecting their sex life. If couples are in constant battle over how to do things about money, parenting, free time and so on, chances are they have hard time agreeing about how, when, where frequency and type of sex. When people don't have good conflict resolution skills, communications skills and problems solving skills outside the bedroom chances are they don't have them in the bedroom. Professional trained sex therapist helps couples learn this.

Sex Therapist educates clients with scientific information about how sex works in both male and female bodies. Sex changes as we age and most people get their information about sex for a teenage body, a body we are losing every day. A sex therapist educates people about desire, physiology, aging and gender differences. Thanks to google and a plethora of information (not a lot of it good quality information) people get a lot of misinformation that may be contributing to their problems.

Common Issues:

Reduced or diminished desire after childbirth

A body that doesn’t respond or do what you or your partner wants to do during sex, such as lost ejaculation, ejaculating before you or your partner wants, not lubricating

Not desiring the kind of sex you are having

Difficulty negotiating with your partner about the sex you prefer

Coping with physical problems that interfere with the type of sex you prefer to have

Couples struggling with differences in desire and amount of sex

Sex that is painful

Couples that do not complete sex in a way that works from them both

How to create sexual experiences given the many demands placed on couples

Sex that has stopped or rarely occurs

Painful Sex

Disagreements about masturbation and porn use

If you are not having the sex life you want or struggling to talk about sex issues with your partner, a professionally trained marriage and sex therapist can help you learn how to become more effective in this area and resolve difficulties. We provide a safe, non-judgemental place to examine the issues in your marriage and sex life and help you resolve them. Contact us to learn more