London tenants face charges to look out of window, have feelings, breathe in and out

A shocking new investigation into the plight of ‘Generation Rent’ in London has revealed that many tenants have supplementary charges forced on them for day-to-day activities.

“Yeah, I mean, when I first moved into my one-bedroom cave under the North-Circular, I thought it was alright, you know, for a hole in the ground under a major road – it was fine,” said London tenant Barry Watertight.

“But then it turns out that there were all these other charges; I had to rent space in the fridge, which is apparently premium rental space because it’s in London.

“I also had to rent space in the bin, it was £5 to cook a meal or £4 to rent a plate from which I could eat a kebab that cost twenty quid from the kebab shop next door.

“Which is owned by the landlord!”

Such charges are commonplace in London with one young woman’s landlord demanding supplementary charges for standing up, sitting down, locking doors, looking out of the window, having feelings, laughing, worrying about rent, worrying about the supplementary charge for worrying about the rent, blinking and even for breathing.

When confronted, her landlord claimed his charges were actually quite reasonable.

“Yeah, technically, I only charge her to breathe in. Breathing out is free. You go north of the river, they’ll charge you to breathe out as well.

“It’s a scandal up there.”