The British Science Festival kicks off tomorrow at the University of Surrey and on Sunday I will be giving a lecture discussing those quirky equations that seem to appear in the press every few weeks purporting to describe everyday phenomena.

For example, you may remember the equations that supposedly calculated the perfect TV sitcom, the best day of the year, or the likelihood of scoring from a penalty. You can find lots more documented at the blog Apathy Sketchpad.

Despite the fact that these media-friendly formulae have enough variables to make them look as though they are based on proper research, in most cases they are effectively meaningless. Indeed, I have been approached a couple of times by PR companies who have wanted me to construct similarly cockamamie formulae.

The first time was in 2005 when I was asked to help promote a shopping exhibition by coming up with a formula that predicted the best day to start Christmas shopping. Of course, the perfect day had to coincide with the start of the shopping exhibition.

I decided to string the company along for a while, to test the elasticity of their integrity. I told them: "The equation would lead to a graph that gave a value for each day in the run up to Xmas in terms of how good it would be to start shopping on that day, and I would engineer the equation so that the graph peaked on the day you require. There would be no real science behind the equation, but it would look sensible and convincing."

I went so far as to suggest some of the factors that might decide the best day to start shopping, and Clare, the nice lady from the PR company, replied: "Your ideas and formulas are perfect and exactly what we are looking for and it would be great to confirm you working with us."

After I had eventually explained my true feelings about absurd PR equations, the company probably found someone else to invent the formula it required. There is no shortage of willing volunteers. One of the most prolific equation inventors is Cliff Arnall, who is responsible for the formulae that describe the best day of the year, the worst day of the year, the perfect weekend and so on.

Unfortunately, as Ben Goldacre has pointed out in his Bad Science column, Cliff has a very poor grasp of maths. His formula for the perfect weekend is "dimensionally half-cocked", because a time quantity ends up being added to a time-squared quantity.

This sort of howler is just one of the problems associated with the PR industry's desire to exploit maths. It also demeans mathematics and science by giving the impression that academics waste their time on frivolous topics and are willing to come up with the appropriate answer if someone is prepared to pay them enough money.

Moreover, we are reaching a point when it is becoming impossible to separate the good equations from the bad ones. While the equation for the perfect penalty (which seems to reappear in a different form every few years) strikes me as little more than trivial PR, the equation for predicting marital success is actually based on serious research. The equation was devised by the eminent mathematician and Royal Society fellow Professor James Murray, who gave the Bakerian Prize Lecture at the Royal Society earlier this year.

One way to protect the reputation of serious scientists such as Professor Murray is to highlight and perhaps embarrass those other co-called scientists who manufacture mathematical drivel. To this end, I am working with Voice of Young Science to find the most appalling equation to appear in the UK national press over the next 12 months.

Towards the end of 2010 we will be giving a prize for the dodgiest equation, but so far we do not have a name for the award, so any suggestions would be much appreciated. And, of course, please help us by keeping an out eye for pseudo-equations in the media.

You can suggest a name for the prize by adding a comment below, and send links to articles that describe appalling equations to voys@senseaboutscience.org