JOSEPH WALKER | Federal Politics | CONTACT

In today’s announcement of the latest edition of Australia’s cabinet, Peter Dutton was once again given a place amongst Australia’s most influential public servants.

“I thought I’d test myself as a leader,” Scott Morrison said in a statement today.

“In my first real act as Prime Minister, I have made absolutely sure that the instability of our government is not compromised, and that the least qualified people within the party room are given the jobs with the most responsibility. It is now my job to try and unify them.”

When asked specifically about Dutton’s reappointment as Home Affairs minister, Mr Morrison said: “We needed the people with the least ability to competently complete any type of important task. When Dutton’s leadership challenge last week failed as spectacularly as Mal Meninga’s political career, I knew I had the right man for the job.”

Later, we contacted Mr Dutton for his take on his re-appointment.

“Don’t worry. I’m already planning how to make the Liberals lose this election in spite of Morrison.”

However, due to Mr Dutton’s uncanny ability to fuck up his seemingly unlosable endeavours, it is believed that he may single-handedly win the next election for the Liberals.

More to come