“Satan needs to know he is not in charge”

The Puzzle pieces are slowly falling into place.

One clarification, they had this in episode 3 and I raised this issue but it’s worth repeating. Male officers are never allowed in shower rooms where female inmates are showering, even in intake or admissions. It is all female officers in showers and bathrooms.

It’s clear that 2 of the 3 officers who worked in the camp during the riot are still suffering from what they experienced, especially the female officer. She has all the classic signs of PTSD and trauma and really should never have been cleared to return to work, in fact, it seems to me that working in corrections should not be her career path (it's painful to watch someone struggle like that).

I can only hope that in upcoming episodes she decides she should not have returned.

The Fantasy Inmate is sick - it’s sadistic, it’s ugly, I simply cannot wrap my mind around the twisted thoughts of the individuals who gleefully look forward to participating in this pool. “Gamble on human lives” is an understatement and like real “fantasy football” participants these people take this seriously, are actually excited to be “invited” to participate at a cost of $100, are ecstatic that the rumors are true and that it does exist. Their jobs are so deeply embedded and intertwined in their personal lives that there is no clear line, nothing that separates work from life. To be drafting teams based on inmates, to bet on human lives and serious events in their lives is simply sadistic. Luschek, who wants to make it more like “fantasy football” with the “draft party,” boggles my mind...does he truly understand that human lives can be seriously be harmed by this twisted misguided idea of a game, these are not professional athletes, these are human beings!

These officers are playing games with human lives, it’s simply sick. Unfortunately, something similar does happen in real prisons, “gladiator school” where officers will bet on inmate fights.

Just like in professional boxing, they will allow two inmates out of their individual cells to fight each other and then when it’s over and the two fighters are on their way to medical or back to their cell bloody and beaten to a pulp they will let the others on the housing unit out to go about their business as if nothing happened, the floors soaked with fresh blood. It’s brutal, it’s violent and yes it happens.

So instead of "Gladiator School," we have "Fantasy Inmate."

These ladies up in max are tough as hell, a rough bunch. My personal experience with max at is that it is survival of the fittest, I will not sugarcoat it. I was temporarily housed in max and could not sleep at night because I was afraid that my cellmate was going to kill me. I would only leave my cell to get medication, to go for occasional meals, commissary, or to make phone calls.

Other than that I did not feel safe going out of my cell (my cellmate had school to attend to get her GED so she was gone during the day). I would sit up on my top bunk all night long, nodding off because I needed sleep but too terrified to sleep.

The people who committed the most violent of crimes are housed in maximum and I was there waiting for a bed to become available in the minimum security section. There were small groups that “ran” certain tables, shower times, and telephone times.

It’s like walking a tightrope. It’s a brutal environment and some of these women have nothing to lose because they are already doing life. You are afraid to talk to them for fear you may say the wrong thing, with some of them you feel if they tell you to jump you will say how high because you do not want to get smacked in the face with a combination lock in a sock.

Unfortunately, I could see that happening in this episode, this is one rough crowd and I am not sure that the others displaced from the camp can save or protect each other.

I am relieved that Nicky took the deal, she did the right thing, she needed to save her own ass after the rest of them did too. The real sadness was that Bat Mitzvah scene because now you know what she was dealing with as a child growing up, I can now see what led her to her current situation, there is a lot of women who have toxic or dysfunctional families who end up incarcerated. You worry about them when they go home, you wonder how strong they will be and if they will be able to filter out the toxicity after they get home.

You can see the little girl in her is still hurting and you want to help her get the self-confidence she needs. You want to shake her and tell her to stop looking for her parent's acceptance, especially her father’s because he is all about nothing but himself.

Looking for work, the pain of rejection and the panic of knowing that you simply have to find something, anything. Aleida's struggle in this episode is something that I can very closely relate to as I too am currently struggling with that myself.

Finding work after incarceration is not as easy as many think, especially for women. A recent report from the Prison Policy Initiative talks about the hurdles formerly incarcerated individuals face especially women, to read the article click here when looking for work.

There are many jobs in construction, jobs we would refer to as “blue collar” that are available but employers for these jobs will rarely consider even a qualified woman and that further reduces the number of possible job opportunities for females. I am not being sexist, it’s the truth. It took me 2 years after my release to finally get a job, it was painful, it was difficult, the questions, the really probing questions even with “Ban the Box” it still happens.

I would get anxiety attacks prior to each interview. I never hid my incarceration, in fact, I had it on my resume, the jobs that I held while incarcerated because it was important to show what I did during those 4-½ years. I had a college degree prior to my incarceration, I had a 30-year career as a paralegal with some nationally known law firms and I blew that when I embezzled money. During my incarceration I realized that I wanted to advocate for women incarcerated upon my release, I promised them I would be their voice in the community, so I applied to social service agencies and criminal justice reform organizations after all they hire the formerly incarcerated, they are more open-minded than a traditional employer.

You would think that with my pre-incarceration background and experience, the jobs I held while incarcerated (law library, grievance, Inmate Liaison Council) that I would have the experience that these organizations were looking for, no it did not work that way. I even had the second interview with a well-known not-for-profit organization that provides a wide variety of programs for formerly incarcerated individuals. I went into the interview with a Vice President with a good positive attitude, I held out my hand to shake hands and introduce myself to this person and she took one look at me and said “oh no you are all wrong for this job” she never offered me a seat, she never told me why she just quickly dismissed me. I was crestfallen but even more important I was left wondering since this organization did job training, interview skills and sent their clients out on job interviews what would their reaction have been if what I experienced with this Vice President happened to a client of theirs, I am sure they would have been furious.

So, anyway, I am well aware of the panic, the desperate need to find work and to start earning a salary because you certainly cannot collect unemployment nor social security simply because you were incarcerated. I applied for public assistance because I needed to feed myself and more importantly my then 10-year-old daughter. It was not easy.

I accepted handouts of clothing and Christmas gifts for my daughter. So I fully understand the pain of being rejected after a job interview, after numerous job interviews. It is something that they do not prepare you for when incarcerated in fact you often imagine getting out and hitting the ground running, that everything is going to quickly fall into place but it doesn’t.

The rejection hurts, it’s painful yet at the same time you have to figure out how to support yourself, so I understand when Aleida is hit with this convincing sales pitch, when the women says to her just want she needs to hear, things that will build up her confidence, that will make her feel she is really worth something, that she has the skills and will be a huge success with selling this product, with how much money she can earn and you jump on it because you NEED a job, regardless of what it is doing.

The job I finally found 2 years after my release is no more, after 2 years they downsized and I was let go, it’s been over 8 months and I am looking for work again, still doing those interviews, still thinking I clinched that job only to get the rejection email days later. It’s hell. My unemployment ran out and to make ends meet I have taken a job working for a cosmetics manufacturer on the production line, assembling and packaging products for $10 an hour. It’s back-breaking work, it pays less than my unemployment but I need the money.

Each and every night I apply for jobs because eventually, I will get that “dream job” because I am worth something! As is with each and every individual who was ever incarcerated and who is looking for a job, for a second chance to prove to everyone that they can do it, that they have changed, that they are worth that opportunity, that they do indeed have something to offer.

My advice to you, if you are in a similar situation is, never give up, never give in.

Okay, now Taystee,

I am so relieved that the guard who I felt was such a bitch to everyone else was a friend to you even if it was a one-shot deal. My heart goes out to you, to be sitting there day in and day out wondering when the investigators will finally interview you.

Or When they will want to hear your side of the story only to find out just when it is finally your turn and you finally are talking with your public defender that nobody really cares about the truth.

I completely understand the pressure to pin this on someone, to have it all placed on your shoulders, they need to wrap up this totally screwed up and inadequate investigation, damn this is crazy.

Girl I am cheering for you, not the first time you have faced some serious odds against you,

Stay strong!