While the 50 states have had their differences, and did try to murder each other that one time, we can mostly look at each piece of America as part of a rich tapestry, with each state’s distinct character adding to the whole.


And now, thanks to some research by real estate web site Estately, we can see how each state is deeply, deeply stupid in its own way. Estately has catalogued the Google search most particular to each state. To clarify, this isn’t the most common search in every state—that would be “Why you always hatin’?”—it’s the search most particular to that state. There are questions Alaskans ask more than “How to smoke salmon?”—but they ask that one a lot more often than the lower 49.

South Dakotans ask, “Is it truly possible to understand another person, or are even those closest to us ultimately unknowable?” Ha, just kidding. South Dakota asked, “Why is my poop green?” more than any other state. Other deep thoughts include, “Is Mr. T dead?” (Michigan), “Who invented pizza?” (Nevada), and “Do penguins have knees?” (Iowa).


Sadly, some stereotypes are reinforced here, as Oklahoma asks, “Is Obama a Muslim?” Kansas asks, “How to make meth?” California asks exactly what you’d expect: “Is Bernie Sanders vegan?” There’s also cause for concern about a few of these states, particularly the Blue Ridge Mountains area, as Kentucky asks, “How to make a baby?”, and Tennessee asks, “what is the clap?” Couples in both states are fumbling in the dark both literally and figuratively.

Some states are not at all self-aware, as Arkansas asks, “Who won the Civil War?” (Hint: not Arkansas.) Some are surprisingly self-aware, like Florida, which asks, “Why does everyone hate Florida?” And confirming Oklahoma’s suspicions, Washington D.C.’s most common search is, “When is Ramadan?” Thanks, Obama.