How to get on the Reddit homepage

First of all, always add "Dear Reddit" to the title of the submission. Redditors love feeling like you're writing them a personalized letter - they get all misty eyed. Second, always add (PIC) to the submission. If your submission doesn't contain any pictures, go ahead and add one. It doesn't even have to be relevant to your submission, just as long as it's in there. For instance, here's a picture I drew of a fighter jet powered by panda bear farts.

Nice one, huh? After you've hooked them with a catchy photo, enchant them with a big H1 tag that contains a statement that they'll totally agree with.

Glenn Beck once made love to a grizzly bear, but fox news covered it up!

See what I did there? Next, you should consider adding "upvote this" to the title of your submission. Don't make it sound demanding though - instead, make it sound sad and desperate. For example:

Buttons

Definitely add "reddit this" buttons to your site. In addition, add a bunch of awful "digg this," "tweet this," "facebook this" buttons all over it. Remember, the key to successful online marketing has nothing to do with creating valuable, interesting content - but instead adding massive amounts of obnoxious share buttons. Here's a great example:

Spam Sandwiches

Email everyone you know and ask for them to upvote your submission, because I'm sure those reddit programmers haven't figured out a way to filter those votes out yet. They're too busy windsurfing with other billionaires and eating ravioli filled with rubies and diamonds. Hah! those idiots! If they only knew how you outsmarted them.

The reddit SECRET FORMULA for success

Don't worry if the content you're creating isn't relevant to your website. Have an ecommerce site that sells toilet bowl brushes? No problem! Talk about things the reddit community is into, such as atheism, bacon, or politics - and you'll see instant reddit success. After you get promoted on reddit, your business will LITERALLY EXPLODE. A jacuzzi filled with cocaine and money is in your future, my friend.

Here's a few ideas to get you started:

Richard Dawkins eats a ham sandwich (PICS)

Starcraft2 launch delayed due to plague of locusts [PIC]

Bill O'Reilly transforms into a nazi pig monster, declares himself emperor of walmart. OH THE HUMANITY (w/ pic)

Upvote if you think corporations are totally lame - sitting in expensive skyscrapers snickering and twirling their mustaches while the average american gets screwed!

Got all that? Good. Now go sign up for a reddit account because your last one probably got banned. And remember: the more pics, the better!

Glenn beck making sweet love to a grizzly bear.