New edition of Warhammer to be set in Newcastle on a Saturday night

The next edition of Games Workshop’s game of terrifying, chaotic despair and sudden violence will be set in Newcastle at half eleven on a Saturday night, the shop has confirmed.

The game, which features pitched battles between alien and monstrous creatures is a ‘perfect fit’ for just after Filthy’s has chucked out, designers said.

“Regular players needn’t worry too much about the changes; Chaos will still spawn forth hideous, mutated creatures of pure instinct that seek to bring misery upon a benighted world, it’ll just be called Sunderland from now on,” a Games Workshop spokesman told us.

“And there’ll still be a race of gaudily-dressed raging, ginger-haired midgets who are willing to bottle you at the drop of a hat, but they’ll be represented by a Hen Party down on the coach from Glasgow.

“And the ratmen remain essentially unchanged, they’re just called ratboys now and they ride Mitsubishi Evos into battle.”

Players of Warhammer have raised concerns about the new setting, saying that the levels of violence might become ‘unacceptably high’.

“Yes, I might play through the cruelty and confusion of untold legions of warriors set amongst the inevitable destruction of entire civilisations, but this game is set on the Bigg Market,” player Simon Williams told us.

“I mean, surely that’s taking it one step too far?”