Screengrab via CNN

Though every day in 2017 feels like a week, it has only been four days since Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s flaxen-haired special adviser, showed her ass on national television by fabricating the “Bowling Green Massacre,” an event that did not happen, in order to justify the president’s Muslim ban. And now, she would like you to know that she’s sorry. Truly. She is!! Ugh.




In an interview with CNN’s Jake Tapper and his well-honed “are you fucking kidding me” face, Conway addressed the false claims of a masscare that never was, admitting that she was sorry about what she said, but only kinda.


“I felt really badly about that. I apologize and I rectified. I’m very happy to have raised awareness,” she said, before noting that on Friday, her twisting of the truth to fit a terrifying agenda caused a three-year old article about Bowling Green to trend on ABC’s website, most likely because people were looking it up in order to ascertain for themselves that she was talking about something that never happened.

“You cited a massacre that didn’t happen, you said the media didn’t cover it,” Jake Tapper said.

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“What I meant is that the media didn’t cover the masterminds,” she retorted. (In case you’re wondering, they did.)

Admirable for only how many words she can say without seeming to take a breath, she continued, saying “We have a very high respect for the truth, and I can only speak for me, but I’m sorry that we misspoke.” She was also quick to clarify that she wasn’t trying to get people to believe something that didn’t happen, despite the fact that the Bowling Green “Massacre” has been referred to numerous times as if it were cold, hard irrefutable fact and not something that she made up while gargling Diet Coke at 5 A.M. after an hour’s worth of restless, fitful slumber.


“I have a high regard for the facts, but I want you to see some of the other facts that we’re doing,” she said. Facts—you do them. That’s how they work! Jake Tapper’s face speaks volumes, louder than the squeak emitted from the wheels in Conway’s head, greased for speed and spinning in vain.

Watch the entire interview here.

