i met my now best friend earlier this year. as soon as we met we clicked and have been best friends since. the first time i met her i was in awe from her beauty. she's tall, mixed, has this short blonde afro, a gorgeous face and a body anyone will KILL for.

she recently broke up with her boyfriend and since its summer time, we've been going out a lot.. like every weekend. i've never considered myself "ugly". i've gained a little weight recently which has taken a huge tole on my self confidence, but still generally think i'm ok looking.

every time we go out together she gets stopped by strangers to be told how beautiful they think she is, or men who want to get her number. this is fine, and i don't mind except that it's usually a reminder that i'm the ugly friend lol.

last night we went out, and this was my breaking point. i got all dressed up and looked my absolute best. i felt really good. we met a bunch of friends while we were out. she was interested in this guy and asked our guy friend to introduce her. when he told his friend, his friend asked "which one, the sexy one or no?" i couldn't help but go to the bathroom and cry my eyes out. i already felt particularly shitty about myself that day, hence getting dressed to the nines. on top of this, we were talking to our guy friend about this guy i was talking to and my girlfriend says he's totally into you, our guy friend chimes in and says "he's not, trusttt meee, he's not".

i act like these comments don't bother me, and maybe that's why people say these things to me but it's starting to drive me crazy. i've cried all day and avoided looking at myself. i love my best friend but going out with her is starting to make me resent her. i know it's not her fault by any means but it's just hard. we're suppose to go on a big trip together and i'm starting to just dread. i don't see how i could talk to her about this, "hey you're too pretty, can't hang anymore"?? she already asked me to go out next weekend and i declined and now she's asking me why i'm being so weird towards her.

i'm stuck between i love her and none of this is her fault, but i'm sorry being around you makes me feel horrible.

tl;dr my best friends looks make me feel shitty about myself and makes me not want to be around her