Real Nigga – /rë(∃)l nig•uh/

noun

An American of African descent that subscribes to the code of morals, conduct, and ethics consistent with being a nigga. An American-born Black with a low tolerance for games, chicanery, tomfoolery, clowning or imbecility. A person that sees themselves as the direct antithesis of a “fake” or more recently, “fuck” nigga.

I both read and enjoyed Gifted Hands. I found it inspiring. I don’t remember it much, but quite frankly, the writing wasn’t of the caliber of, say, Chekhov’s My Life or George Orwell’s Down and Out in Paris in London or Hemingway’s A Moveable Feast.

Then again, those books were written by writers so the argument is that they should, in fact, be better than a book written by a doctor, which was what Ben Carson was and is.

Then why is this nigga running for president? you may ask and, well, you’d be right to ask it. And while I could give you a multitude of answers, the 2nd best of which might be Rousseau’s suggestion that “Insatiable ambition, the thirst of raising their respective fortunes, not so much from real want as from the desire to surpass others, inspired all men”, the most honest would be that Ben Carson is running for president because he’s a Real Nigga.

In 2004, when Barack Obama first burst on the political scene, a lot of Poltical Real Niggas, who would have otherwise run to get the guns, had to fall back after seeing Obama’s wife Michelle. See, while having a white woman is pardonable to the Real Nigga ethos, marrying one is not and if Real Nigga “extra credit” is necessary or even possible, it certainly didn’t hurt Obama’s standing among the set that his wife was a brown-to-dark skinned Black women.

So, while some of the Political Real Niggas were initially dubious about Obama (looking at you Reverend Al) or openly hostile (Jesse, is your name still even worth the mention?) the rest of the Political Real Niggas simmered and waited.

Of course, once it became clear that Obama had a real shot at the thing and at the dangerous and potentially fatal prospect of being out of step with niggas everywhere, the Political Real Niggas jumped out front of the Obama campaign, swearing allegiance, registering voters, galvanizing the base, and acting like they were the sole reason for the phenomenon in the first place. Real, as the saying goes, recognizes real.

Now, every American at least kinda wants to be President and when Obamacare was still an unfinished work, Carson saw his opening. Make no mistake, Carson recently saying “Obamacare is the worst thing to happen to this nation since slavery” was, to date, his best political statement. Coding in slavery that way was a well-placed Molotov aimed right at the foundations of Obama’s own Real Nigganess.

From his position as a leading surgeon, Carson’s opinion on such topics has to be respected. From his position as a fellow Black man, any criticisms of Obama are certain to be music to the Right’s ears. And Carson’s position as a Real Nigga – I got a Black wife too, nigga, shiii – keeps at bay the Poltical Real Niggas that might otherwise leap to Obama’s defense.

Perhaps the principle mistake Ben Carson may be making, at least far as it concerns Obama, is that due to the fact that Obama’s biracial, he, Carson, sees himself as the realer Nigga.

This would be shockingly egregious because the one thing every nigga, real or otherwise, knows is that the limits of reality extend as far as the limits of possibility. And since it’s possible to be a nigga all the way out to Octoroon, it’s possible to be a Real Nigga that far and long as well.

So why is that nigga running for President?

Well, simply, Ben Carson views the American voter the same way that a serial womanizer views a woman with whom he’d doubted his prospects until he’d heard that a rival he’d considered inferior had already seduced her.

Or, in other words, he figures he can fuck us better.