BOWLING GREEN, KY—Saying it would be a great opportunity for some sunshine and fresh air, members of the Ostby family reportedly came to the conclusion Friday that their grandfather, Earl Ostby, might enjoy going outside and watching the worst Little League baseball game imaginable. “We just thought he’d get a kick out of seeing six innings of the most god-awful baseball ever played,” said daughter-in-law Danielle Ostby, adding that the 83-year-old would probably love viewing a bunch of uncoordinated second-graders repeatedly fuck up routine throws to first base. “Grandpa doesn’t get out of the nursing home very often, so we felt it would be nice for him to watch two completely shitty teams fail to hit a ball out of the infield and score zero runs. Plus, he finally gets a chance to see his grandson completely embarrass himself for an hour at shortstop.” Ostby told reporters her children would also enjoy spending time with their unresponsive, decrepit grandfather.

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