So here I am. Starting a blog. How post-modernly ironic am I?! Hi though! So, since it seems the whole millennial’s point of being is public self-indulgence, let’s catch you guys up on my life thus far…

My name’s Mikey. I’m 26, and a lifelong New Yorker. Born in Manhattan to a jazz singer mom and an NBA player-turned musician dad who doubles as my best friend and my own person Oprah. I live in Astoria with my psychotic (possibly Autistic?) dog Charlie, and Christian, my straight husband slash best friend slash hetero lifemate, and our new roommate Josh. I’m a mactor (actor, model, blah blah freakin blah…), punk rock enthusiast, full-time bigmouth, and idiot savant (Heavy on the idiot, light on the savant…). I’m constantly fighting the politically correct and have a big mouth that gets me in trouble often. For some reason, I’m also a lightning rod for crazy. My friend John says I’m a freak magnet. I’ve had dates where they will often wonder aloud, “Why does crazy shit only happen to me when I’m with YOU?!”

I’ve come to realize I suck at most things…. but I’m like, REALLY good at talking (*hair twirl*), and if I do say so myself, I think I can tell a pretty damn good story or two. So I hope you will enjoy these stories from my batshit crazy life. Some might be verbose, some might be pointless… hell, some might be verbose and pointless! But I assure you they’ll never be boring.

So welcome to my blog. I’m guessing my current readership is exclusive to Christian and my dad. Oh and probably this black albino guy named Joseph who’s kind of my stalker… though I think he’s given up on stalking me and frankly, it’s making me feel a bit neglected. But, hi to anyone else out there! I’ve created this as a space where you, my beloved reader-to-be, can feel a little bit better about your pathetic lives by learning that mine is infinitely more pathetic. Here, you are guaranteed to think, “I may be a trainwreck, but thank God I’m not THAT guy!” It is here that we shall gather to tell stories and talk about me, and you…. but honestly, mostly me. (Ironic wink emoji) This, “my friends” (<— John McCain voice) is a place of honesty. We’ll talk no-holds-barred about horrifically bad dates, awkward moments that will make you feel like Rico Fucking Suave in comparison, and maybe a few moments of sincerity as well. Oh and rape! (….What? I didn’t want my blog to sound frivolous!) Either way, our 20’s are ticking down faster than Larry King’s pacemaker, so let’s cringe-laugh our way through them together.

I’d really love to hear any comments, questions whatever, let’s talk about your fucked up lives too! You need dating advice? I’m your guy. You need input on how to make an awkward situation ten times awkwarder? (Shut up Christian, it’s totally a word!) Come at me with it! Consider me a cross between Carrie Bradshaw and Charles Manson. I want this blog to be as much about you and your stories as it is about me and mine. (Though honestly, a little smidge more about me! Afterall, I’m nothing if not self-absorbed.)

So sit on the toilet, pull up your iPhone with its cracked screen, and let’s revel in my awkward encounters. (As fucking self-indulgent as that sounds…..)

xo,

Me

Also PS, thank you to Green Day for allowing me to use their song as my blog title. And by “allowing”, I mean don’t sue me, I don’t fuckin’ have anything! :-\