So, Peter Dutton wants a tougher citizenship test, more focused on Australian values and less preoccupied with irrelevant trivia.

"We need to see whether people are abiding by Australian laws, whether they are educating their children, if they are able-bodied and of working age, whether or not they are engaged in work or whether they have had a long period of time on welfare," the Immigration Minister told Melbourne radio station 3AW this week.

"At the moment," Dutton added, "the test is dictated essentially by questions around Australian trivia, if you like. And my view is that we could look at a test that would more embrace Australian values."

Well, the Immigration Minister is famously a man who is never wrong about anything, and he's kept up his record beautifully.

We do need a better citizenship test, to weed out undesirables, criminals, and groups of children standing on each others' shoulders inside a trench coat who might try to sneak under the wire of Australian citizenship.

And luckily for Peter, I am the very man to provide that test, saving a lot of time and money that can now be spent on more useful things like flags.

Ben Pobjie's Citizenship Test will determine whether would-be citizens are true blue. ( ABC News: Patrick Williams )

My citizenship test will skilfully probe aspiring new Australians' knowledge of Australian values, assess their grasp of Australian institutions, and ensure that they will seamlessly fit in to Australian society and not be ostracised for a failure to be Australian enough.

After taking this test, it will be 100 per cent clear whether a would-be citizen is a true-blue dinky-di fair-go larrikin bronzed Aussie, or an enemy of the state.

Here it is, the ideal Australian citizenship test for the 21st century.

Question 1: On which of these fundamental principles are Australian values based?

a) Every man for himself b) The early bird gets the worm c) Rock, paper, scissors d) Don't shag a mate's sheila

Question 2: The Australian system of government is a democratic one. Which of these is NOT allowed in an Australian election?

a) Lying b) Voting c) Sausages d) Genocide

Question 3: If you are driving past a house and the residents have left their hard rubbish on the nature strip, what is the most Australian thing to do?

a) Take all of it b) Leave most of it, but take the mattress because honestly there's nothing wrong with it at all, and the TV, which doesn't work but maybe Rob can fix it up c) Leave some of your own rubbish with it to save yourself some trouble d) Set fire to everything

Question 4: Religion is important to many Australians. What is the biggest religion in Australia?

a) Football b) Brunch c) Homophobia d) Islam

Question 5: An Australian who refuses to get a job and instead lives on Centrelink benefits is known as:

a) A bludger b) A rorter c) A criminal genius d) Ethnic

Question 6: Which of these activities could get you imprisoned under Australian law?

a) Public nudity b) Describing Nauru c) Questioning the celebrity status of Bindi Irwin d) Tweeting

Question 7: Marriage in Australia is:

a) Between a man and a woman b) Between a man and a woman/ute c) Overrated d) Required to be reported on Mamamia.com.au

Question 8: The greatest duty of all Australian citizens is:

a) The defence of the nation b) Stimulating the economy through rampant consumerism c) Participating in democracy d) Shouting on talkback radio

Question 9: The Australian coat of arms features a kangaroo and an emu. Why were these two animals chosen?

a) They are the only two animals in the world that can't move backwards b) They are the only two animals in the world that can't digest lactose c) They are the only two animals in the world that still have a thriving manufacturing sector d) They are the only two animals in the world that know the words to the national anthem

Question 10: Sexism is:

a) The Australian way b) Generally a bad thing but occasionally OK as long as it's done patriotically c) Something immigrants do d) Fictional

Question 11: The history of white Australia's relationship with the country's original inhabitants is a problematic one. Which of these is a good way for citizens to address this sensitive issue?

a) Watch Cathy Freeman's victory in the 400m at the 2000 Olympics on YouTube b) Meet and speak to at least one Aboriginal Australian c) Join the One Nation Party d) Briefly consider not wearing blackface to your next party

Question 12: Australia is a multicultural country made up of people from myriad different cultures and backgrounds. How does Australia maintain social cohesion given this incredible diversity?

a) Teaching everyone the correct pronunciation of "pho" b) Defunding SBS relatively slowly c) Showing civility and respect to all fellow citizens no matter where they come from or what they are screaming at us on a bus d) Letting black people play football with us

Question 13: Every person who wishes to become an Australian citizen must first have:

a) A job b) A car c) A personality disorder d) Sex

Question 14: Who chooses the Australian Prime Minister?

a) The people b) A shadowy cabal of faceless men c) Alan Jones d) God

Question 15: What is the correct way to address a fellow Australian citizen in public?