Why do people treat us with the same contempt we show homosexuals, ask Catholics

Following a rejection of gay lifestyles, leading Catholics have expressed concern that they are being treated with the sort of contempt they normally reserve for homosexuals.

More than 200 bishops from around the world spent time at the Vatican debating controversial subjects such as ‘being nice to everyone regardless of sexuality or marriage history’, before deciding such a move was probably a bad idea.

Leading Catholic bishops will now launch a leaflet which says, “We are proud of our tradition of tolerance towards straight people and our historic commitment to welcoming perfectly heterosexual strangers.”

“Obviously it goes without saying that any strangers would have to complete a questionnaire to ascertain their sexual preference before we start rolling out the red carpet for them.”

The campaign promoted by the bishops is called “Not Ashamed Day” and is being organised by catholics who are worried that they are unable to do and say whatever they want, about whomever they want, whenever they want – without question.

A group spokesperson told us, “The thought of men joined in a sordid daisy chain of sodomy, their muscular frames glistening with sweat as they explore each other’s bodies…”

“Probing, caressing, licking…ahem, these aren’t things that catholics want to have to think about, let alone deal with,” they revealed, before holding a Bible in front of their groin.

Catholic Pride Day

Terry Sanderson, president of the National Secular Society has criticised the Catholic campaign amid further claims by leading bishops that Christmas is “something of which some are ashamed.”

“Everyone loves Christmas!” He insisted. “We get a few extra days of work and on Christmas day you can get a bit drunk by mid-morning without feeling like you’ve got an alcohol problem. What’s not to like?”

“The only thing wrong with Christmas is the bit about Christ, and the mass thing.”

“But the timing makes perfect sense when you think about it. I mean, Jesus is basically Santa Clause for grown-ups.”

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