Why Wayne Rooney should NOT move to Manchester City - he'd play out his career as the prisoner of Prestbury



There used to be a character on Steve Wright's Radio 1 show called Mr Mad. Every day he would come on, address Wright repeatedly as 'pal', and tell him where he was currently living (inside a bottle of paint stripper/inside Paul McCartney's guitar/inside Black Rod's mace in the Houses of Parliament).



The next sentence would start, 'I'll tell you who's mad, pal…' Over the years, it became quite a list.



Random celebrities would find their way on to Mr Mad's surreal litany of the insane, as well as those engaging in activities considered bizarre.



Rooney's revenge: Moving across the Manchester would be a huge slap in the face to Sir Alex Ferguson and United

'He needs a check-up from the neck up,' Mr Mad would decree. 'Ravin' mad, pal.' And every now and then, when reading the sports pages, I am reminded of that show and of Mr Mad.



Because I'll tell you who's mad, pal; anyone who thinks Wayne Rooney should sign for Manchester City. They're mad, pal.



They've definitely got a kangaroo loose in the top paddock. Not because there is anything wrong with Manchester City, oh no.



On the contrary, City are a fine club. Definitely going places. Could even be champions this season if Chelsea run out of steam in the new year.

No, the reason Rooney should not entertain a ride across town is that, like Mr Mad, he might end up having to take refuge in some strange places if he betrays Manchester United for their neighbours.



Macca's guitar might not be the half of it. There really will be no hiding place.



To a footballer, Manchester is not a city, no matter what the name of the club in blue implies. It is a village. Everybody knows your business.



Torn apart: A Rooney poster is unceremoniously dragged down outside Old Trafford That is why Rooney's private indiscretions - right down to what he tipped the bell boy for a packet of fags at the Lowry hotel - ended up on page one; that is why the sordid details of Manchester United's Christmas party in 2007 did, too. They may live in secluded, gated mansions, but Manchester players are still under 24-hour surveillance.

Times have not changed greatly from the days when Sir Alex Ferguson brought a party around Lee Sharpe's house to a furious end, having been met at the door by a startled Ryan Giggs, holding a bottle of beer.

'There was no escape,' Giggs recalls. 'He charged into the house like a bull in a china shop, cuffing people out of the way as he went. He was redfaced with rage, an uncontrollable force of nature.'

Ferguson claims to have responded to a tip-off from a member of the public, although Giggs says it was his mum. Either way, the claustrophobic nature of Manchester has helped Ferguson oversee generations of United players. It is hard to picture a manager in London being able to exert equivalent control. By the time he had negotiated his way around the M25, there would only be time to help clear up the empties.

The future? One City fan shows his support for Rooney's transfer to Eastlands The idea, then, that Rooney could blithely switch from red to blue without enduring the most debilitating backlash is surely fanciful. The money will be good, no doubt the best around, but Rooney would play out his career as the prisoner of Prestbury. He no longer visits his local as it is, because the one time he did, word spread and he was mobbed. Now imagine if instead of affection, the crowd had gathered with darker intent. Yes, players have swapped sides without it ruining their lives but Sol Campbell, for instance, was not out and about in north London at the time he exchanged Tottenham Hotspur for Arsenal.

He could disappear to a part of the city where nobody cared what colour his shirt was. Manchester-based players, like those in Liverpool or Glasgow, do not have this option.

Mo Johnston's decision to reject Celtic for Rangers in July 1989 would be a reference point for Rooney's move across Manchester although, this being Glasgow, Johnston's decision was spiced with the added ingredient of religious bigotry.

At least Rooney would be welcomed by City fans. Johnston was a target for extremes on both sides, as a high profile Catholic at a Protestant club.

'Every time there was a Celtic- Rangers game something would crop up,' Johnston recalled. 'Somebody would throw something at your car or somebody would be spitting at you. The death threats were always there, so mething I just had to carry with me. I never knew if they were coming from Rangers or Celtic fans.'



He was well rewarded but, still, no way to live, is it? Particularly if there is an alternative. And there is for Rooney.



If his mind is made up - and when even Ferguson accepts there is little chance of reconciliation, so should we - the most sensible option would be Chelsea.



They pay big money, they win titles, they would suit his style, and in London he may find the anonymity he must crave after a traumatic year in the spotlight.



The perception is that the capital represents bright lights, big city and, as the song says, will go to my baby's head.



In modern times, this has been pretty much based on the sorry downfall of one player, Paul Gascoigne, who is said to have faltered by choosing to sign for Tottenham Hotspur ahead of Manchester United.



There is one flaw in this theory, which is that Gascoigne was plainly a damaged individual and proved this at any number of locations thereafter, including Rome, Newcastle, Liverpool, Burnley, Kettering and Lanzhou in China, near the Gobi desert.



The problem was the man, not the conurbation. If what Rooney desires is to escape from the glare - although his people have found a funny way of showing it this week - London would be a safer bet than even Madrid, Milan or Barcelona.



During his time with Tottenham, Jurgen Klinsmann travelled around by tube train, to the extent that his farewell press conference was held at a comedy club he used to frequent in Shoreditch.



Who knew? A colleague of mine once disembarked from public transport beside Robert Pires and Patrick Vieira, while the friend of a friend found himself travelling on the same train as Cesc Fabregas on an Arsenal match day.



Sol Campbell has a house on the Thames, as far removed from the squabbles of north London rivals as he would be on the Amazon, while if a Mayfair address offers enough security for the American Embassy, it is also good enough for Jose Mourinho.



Arsene Wenger has lived a life of virtual anonymity around London, as has Fabio Capello. Could Rooney jump on a train in the West End, untroubled? Given time and a low slung baseball cap, yes.



Certainly, he could become just another wealthy face walking down the road to his local, as Frank Lampard is in a posh part of town.



George Best sat in the saloon bar of the Phene Arms in Chelsea day after day, without hassle. What is certain is that if Chelsea do offer terms to Rooney, Manchester City will offer more.



What is incalculable, however, is quality of life. To exist almost under house arrest in Manchester, unable to park the car without returning to find the paintwork damaged - the delightful picture painted by Johnston in Glasgow - would be a souldestroying way to live.



This is not to condone vandalism, or the extreme reactions of supporters - logically, everybody is entitled to make their career choices - merely to point out the reality of Rooney's life if he is marked as Manchester United's biggest traitor, while living in the area.



Imagine if the Glazers had a place in Timperley, not Tampa Bay. The irony is that 48 hours ago, the idea that Rooney could seriously be contemplating a move to Manchester City was considered laughable.



That was before the ramifications of the Webster ruling became apparent. In 2006, Andy Webster, a defender with Heart of Midlothian, proved the right according to Article 17 of FIFA's transfer rules, to walk away from a contract by buying out the remainder of the term.



Any player who signed a deal before the age of 28 is entitled to do this after three years. Rooney could in effect buy out his Manchester United contract for £5m and a nominal fee this summer and jump over the fence at the Carrington training ground complex into the arms of City next door.



The £5m question: Rooney can buy his way out of the contract he signed with United... but it would cause more problems than it solves

There is supposed to be an unwritten agreement among members of the European Club Association that they will not exploit the Webster ruling loophole, yet this did not stop Trabzonspor of Turkey employing Tony Sylva from French club Lille in 2008, nor did it prevent the move of Jona s Gutierrez from Real Mallorca to Newcastle United.



Unwritten agreements, as any lawyer will tell you, are not worth the paper they are not written on.



Quite how David Gill, the chief executive of Manchester United, missed this trick is a mystery. It has been suggested that any tardiness in getting Rooney signed long term came from the top at Old Trafford.



In which case, it was surely Gill's job to bring the Webster ruling to the attention of the board and make it plain how vulnerable the club would be if it entered this season with Rooney unsecured.



Even if Manchester United were now to try to sell in the January transfer window, they would be offered a greatly inferior price by suitors who know the player can be put on the market as a free agent in the summer for roughly what Chelsea paid Liverpool for Yossi Benayoun.



This is a disastrous thought for United, who would have at least believed the sale of Rooney would finance the next raft of signings at Old Trafford.



See ya: Rooney could be a City player as early as January

It also blows a hole in the thought that United will somehow be better off without Rooney, this being the favoured sanctuary of the deluded in times of crisis.



When Cristiano Ronaldo left it was going to be a great leap forward, too, remember? United were going to buy a whole series of stellar names, from Franck Ribery to Karim Benzema.



Instead they got the outside right from Wigan Athletic, Luis Antonio Valencia, a player who had scored three goals in his previous season - a total eclipsed by Ronaldo in four days between October 29 and November 1, 2008.



As predicted, losing the best player in the world was not helpful and the following year Manchester United conceded the title, too.



Even this season, the consequences of Ronaldo's sale remain. At the weekend, United surrendered a two-goal lead at home to West Bromwich Albion.



Would that have happened with Ronaldo in the team? Probably not, because he was always good for a goal or two in such matches and that would have been the difference.



Last season, Rooney was equally essential to United's success and when he was injured late in the campaign, they fell away.



Whatever dissolute state he has been in this season, how can it be a positive step to lose a player of his quality for a peppercorn fee?



Ferguson's demeanour yesterday told the story. He appeared traumatised. Bemused, he said. Add to that bothered and bewildered.



It was truly strange to see a man of his stature looking vulnerable. He sounded as wounded and confused as the parents in that Beatles song, She's Leaving Home.



This brings us full circle to McCartney's guitar, a bottle of paint stripper and any other lunatic hiding places for Rooney to lay low until the heat dies down, if he signs for City.



There are so many unanswered questions here, not least his motivation for closing the door at United with such finality, but if we accept there is to be a move, the continued courtship of City is equally puzzling.



To all those around Rooney who claim to have his interests at heart, how is that going to make him happy? They must be absolutely ravin', pal. The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead. I'll tell you who's mad…

There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that Avram Grant has been given a new nickname at West Ham United. ‘Atlas’, because he’s always carrying the other 19 clubs on his shoulders.

Drum roll, cymbal crash, you’ve been a wonderful audience, anyone here from outta town etc, etc…

Carson Yeung, owner of Birmingham City, says that if the fans prove they can fill a 46,000-capacity St Andrew’s, he will build it.



Quite how they do this, considering the current capacity is 30,000, who knows?