Feeling a touch of Ebola? Malaria got you down? Typhoid trouble, again?

Or is it something a little less exotic and a lot more common among American folks? Diarrhea, maybe, or back pain?

Dr. William Gray of Los Gatos has got you covered, whether you’re suffering from the runs in Atherton or bleeding from the eyeballs in Africa — according to Gray.

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To be cured, all you need is to do is hand over some cash, open up your ears, and suspend disbelief in an online medical treatment that uses e-mailed 13-second sound clips to fix what ails you.

“I’ve done it now for three years and it’s worked on patients all over the world — everything from flu and fever, traveler’s diarrhea, back pain, and even malaria, typhoid, cholera,” Gray said Friday in a phone interview.

“There’s a bunch of people in Sierra Leone that have been using it recently for a big malaria outbreak — we have 42 cases, 41 of which were cured in three or four hours just by playing the signals on their cell phones.”

Those signals — the sound clips — sound like hissing, Gray said.

On his product website, Gray lists 23 ailments he claims to be able to cure with the hissing noises. Flu, cough and earache are on the list, and, happily for Rover and Whiskers, so are “pet abscess” and “pet bladder infection.”

He suggests on his website that his eRemedies, played on cell phones, cured three Ebola patients in 2014.

Now, not everyone is down with what the good doctor is peddling for $5 per sound clip. The Medical Board of California, which regulates physicians, is not a big fan of Gray’s “eRemedies” or the doctor himself.

Gray is a doctor of homeopathy, a controversial branch of health care for which, according to the U.S. health department, there is little evidence of effectiveness in treating any individual condition. Homeopaths treat patients with remedies derived from natural substances that can include stinging nettles and mashed-up bees.

Gray says he creates his eRemedies using electronic devices to transport healing powers from homeopathic cures into sound waves. The patient need only listen to the clips on a phone or computer to be healed, according to Gray.

“It’s kind of hard for people to understand,” he said.

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The Medical Board also found it hard to understand.

“There is no well-documented evidence in the peer reviewed literature that homeopathic remedies can be transmitted electronically via sound waves,” said the Medical Board, which charged Gray earlier this month and seeks to revoke or suspend his physician’s Board certification.

Gray said he lives in a mountain cabin and enjoys “avidly running on steep hills” and “meditative communing under the stars.”

The Medical Board in its charging document accuses him of gross negligence and unprofessional conduct. It took aim at his treatment practices, which don’t include physical exams.

“I’m not a negligent doctor,” Gray said, likening his products to over-the-counter remedies that are sold without any medical examination.