So it’s been a year.

No but really. It’s been a motherfucking year. Amiright??! You don’t have to agree with me but I’ve never cared much for your opinion anyways and yes I’m going to keep wearing those shoes you know which ones I’m talking about so just can it already.

Whew.

click here to jump to the recipe all the way past my blubbering nostalgia and insults…

So many things have happened in this last year. I moved – 227 miles to be nearly exact – from a luxury studio in a neighborhood called Friendship Heights (I shit you not), to a 3rd floor walkup that is numbered wrong and situated over a Polish restaurant in Park Slope.

I’ve made an abundance of food, written about so very much of it with only one small fire to show for it, compiling 96 posts, 45 individual uses of the word fuck including what must have been a very aggressive day of making Tofu Scramble Wraps that featured 7. That’s a lot of fucks. Especially for a girl who typically gives none.

I bought my first big girl camera, making the switch from iPhone to Canon Rebel T3. I’ve learned how to take considerably less shitty photos as a result. Even if foodgawker has only agreed 20/69 times.

I had one absurdly long diatribe directed at me, my blog, my existence as a human being (nbd) on reddit and infinitely more words of praise from readers, Daiya, Yummy.com, HuffPost Taste, other stuff, and even reddit. I’ve even gotten some free things and I LOVE free things.

I’ve had over 225,000 views, which are exactly 224,999 views more than I expected and they’re not even all from my parents. I don’t think. Or so WordPress tells me.

And I remembered, finally, how much I like writing. Because I’m pretty sure I’d forgotten. Like, kinda on purpose. But it’s been such a relief, whirling about my kitchen on my days off, making a mess, dropping things, breaking things, photographing from my one windowsill, plopping down on my couch, editing til every picture looks like the same damn picture of any cookie ever even if it’s lasagna, and writing. I’m so glad to see that people, not just my parents (please, they’re not people), think I’m funny, creative, or at least offensive. I can work with offensive. I’m kinda ready to offend you right now. It’s been awhile.

Your shirt is ugly.

Now! Onto the deliciously punny quiche that I’ve missed making weekly but not enough to make ever-ly. Root vegetables, my friends, said to be the inspiration for the band The Roots (that’s a lie) and the critically acclaimed TV miniseries from the 70s Roots (that’s an egregious lie). Ok here’s the truth: they taste good, they look good, and they make for a very pretty quiche. Hearty and cozy and homey and satisfying, almost any root vegetables of your choosing would do this quiche good justice. Oh and goat cheese. Bitches LOVE goat cheese.

So let’s get crackin (eggs) and you can smack me right in the jaw for my hilarious jokes.

BACK TO MY ROOTS VEGETABLE QUICHE

serves 6

Ingredients

(gram measurements of vegetables purely for calculating nutritional value. Follow the physical vegetable count.)

1 parsnip (182g), peeled and chopped

1 big turnip (178g), peeled and chopped

a few Jerusalem artichokes (140g), scrubbed and chopped

2 red beets (100-150g)

2 golden beets (100-150g)

½ sweet onion (175g), cut into wedges

5 cloves of garlic

1 ½ teaspoons olive oil

1 – 2 teaspoons of Bragg’s Seasoning

½ teaspoon dried basil

¼ teaspoon smoked paprika

1 teaspoon of salt, divided

cracked black pepper to taste

I full package of ground seitan (optional [but why in the hell wouldn’t you want seitan?!? Oh. Because you’re gluten-free. I see. Sorry.])

15 tablespoons egg whites

2 large eggs

¼ cup almond milk

2 oz Icelandic or Greek yogurt

8 tablespoons (½ cup) soft goat cheese, divided

fresh basil leaves, chopped

on my first birthday I probably cried a lot, just like the following 25 birthdays…

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet or jellyroll pan or giant roasting dish with tin foil.

In a large bowl, toss your cut veggies (but not the beets) with the braggs, pepper, ¾ teaspoon of salt, paprika, and olive oil. Spread them out on the big pan with the tin foil and scatter your 5 garlic cloves around there too.

Wrap your beets separately in tin foil and place them in another roasting dish.

Put the cut veggies in the oven on the top rack and the beet baking dish is on the second rack. Take the cut veggies out after 40 minutes or so, the beets out after an hour. Once the beets have cooled enough to handle, the skin should just come right off very easily with your hands. Cut the beets into half moon slices and toss with that last ¼ teaspoon of salt and pepper to taste along with another ½ teaspoon of braggs and a dash of paprika.

Toss the cut veggies with your ground seitan and ¼ cup of chopped basil in a large bowl. Set aside.

Set the oven down to 375. Spray a large pie pan with cooking spray. Spread the cut veggies and seitan mixture evenly in the pan.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, egg whites, and almond milk. Whisk in the yogurt. Whisk in 3 tablespoons of goat cheese and the remaining chopped basil. Add a dash of salt and pepper. Pour the liquid mixture on top. Evenly add in the beets – I sort of made mine pinwheel out a bit. Plop down the remaining 5 tablespoons of goat cheese – ½ to 1 tablespoon at a time – in between some tasty nooks and crannies.

Bake for 45-40 minutes or until the eggs have set in the center and the edges are golden brown.

NUTRITION

