WASHINGTON—In its most sweeping policy statement to date, a Washington-based think tank of leading fathers-in-law issued a comprehensive single-sentence solution to the nation’s immigration, unemployment, and crime problems Tuesday. “All you gotta do is round ’em up and send ’em back,” read the one-line report, which the interdisciplinary team of middle-aged men affirmed would resolve all three difficult issues if the government was not, as long-term observational data suggested, blinded by political correctness. “Simple as that.” The new report from the father-in-law think tank comes on the heels of last year’s five-word white paper on how to handle unrest in the African-American community.

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