IN a papal edict this morning, a spokesman for the College of Cardinals confirmed the news that comic book writer and Daredevil-whisperer Chip Zdarsky would be the newest addition to the sainted roster.

“The man is a goddamn genius,” said Bishop Solisconi, a globally-renowned theologian and True Believer since the days of John Romita Jr. “We chose sainthood because that was the closest thing the church has to being an avenger.”

While the decision is a virtually-unanimous one in the Vatican, some wonder if this decision while not wrong might be a bit hasty.

“I’m just saying, Frank Castle, he’s got nothing but guns and his big ol’ balls and he still goes out there and kicks ass,” says Sister Ana-Maria, a living legend in the Benedictine nunneries and chief editor of the fan-zine and podcast focused on the heroes of Marvel’s Hell’s Kitchen, Hell(‘s Kitchen) or Highwater. “Matt is a badass, but he got powers, that’s all. Frank was out there kicking ass and taking communion without any radioactive waste or spider bites or anything. How is that not like THE most sainty shit ever?”

While there may be some quiet rumblings, in Vatican City the voice of the Holy Father booms over all.

“About-a-freakin’-a-time, I say,” were Pope Francis’ first words in the sermon following the announcement. ”

“Thees-a-Daredevil’a-run, it ‘ees’a frickin’a so-cool,” reiterated the Living Conduit to God on Earth, “I wonder how’a the people haven’t given him’a my job, we might be canonizing him, but he’a clearly knows how to write canon.” The Vicar of Christ declined to comment on why he had adopted a patently cartoonish caricature of an Italian accent for this bit when he is himself Argentinian, though some speculate that he just found it more fun.

The ceremony is set to take place on September 28th, and Marvel Legends has announced in partnership with the Holy Roman Church a corresponding line of Saintly Relic luxury replicas for sale near the start of the holiday season. Items so far include Anointed Batons, The Holy Handwraps, a Divine Blindfold, and The Holy Raiments of Murdoch (specifically his Daredevil/Punisher fusion outfit from the 4th Issue, praise be).

We wish Saint Zdarsky a long and widely-reprinted beatification as he begins his vigil over all who write kickass runs of DD, patron saint of the ‘Devil.