Everyone wants to know what’s trending sexually, and right now, it seems like some people can’t get enough about butt stuff. But while we’re doing our own sociological research, it’s important to some of us to affirm that we are definitely not into ever trying anal, and never have tried, and never will. If for some reason you want to know more about this, here’s how to ask friends and acquaintances what the big deal is about butt stuff while assuring them you would never, ever personally consider it for yourself in any scenario.

Ask, “Ouch! Doesn’t that hurt?!”

The number one first question you need to ask that will clearly illustrate your lack of firsthand experience with butt stuff is: “Doesn’t that hurt?!” Asking this question will prove to those around you that you are terrified and repulsed by the idea of something going into your butt, while also hopefully getting you an answer to the question of whether it hurts or not.

Ask, “But why?!”

Prove to people that you are not only scared of the idea of any kind of sex-related butt activity but also that you see no added value in this potential bedroom activity, therefore you definitely have never attempted it and never will. If they respond by saying it can actually feel really good, you may want to return to your original question of “Doesn’t that hurt?” in order to prove that you’re still skeptical of the whole thing.

Ask them to paint a vivid picture of the mechanics of the act, with questions like, “So they’re like putting their tongue on your butthole?”

Let everyone know that you’re really skeptical that the phrase “eating ass” really means what it implies, because you have never tried it or seen it in action and you can hardly fathom that it is even possible. Don’t be ashamed – your curiosity about sex is healthy!

Clarify with statements like, “But like, poop comes out of butts.”

It’s crazy but maybe the person you’re talking to, who has done this intimate deed involving theirs or someone else’s butthole, truly doesn’t understand that butts are where poop comes from. Ask them things like, “Aren’t you like, getting poop on yourself?” So that everyone within earshot knows you’ve yet to experience this, and likely never will because it involves butts and butts are where poop comes out, and oh my God, can you even imagine??

As a human being, it’s natural to be curious about butt stuff. But it’s also natural to want to make sure no one ever thinks you would ever do anything involving a butt ever. Cover your bases with these handy questions!