Recently there have been more than a few posts saying partners of trans people should be proud of having a trans partner and I am. I would shout it from the rooftops.

But wife, she is shy. She’s hearing impaired get anxious easy. And sometimes people have met her for the first time and ask inappropriate questions regarding her trans-ness (”so when is the surgery?”).

She asked that I consent with her before telling folks. Fair enough. Sometimes I can’t get a hold of her, so I leave things vague.

But there are aspects of our life that hint to her past. For example, we have a son. He is biologically both of ours and he has always been ours. And people see two females they ask who carried him and I say I did. She sometimes get sad and says she wishes she could do it but her parts don’t work like they are supposed to (we leave it vague like that).



People ask where did we get the other half of our son’s “materials”, I kinda skirt this but she says it was a donor someone we both know and trusted. She feels like her pre-transition self was someone different, but I feel like she is the same person, just the wrapping is different. It’s a bit of a back and forth we have.

Some people ask if we have wedding photos. We do. But I say she’s been going though some body image issues with some medical stuff she’s been going through so wants to renew our vows sometime soon now that she’s in a place where she is happy with herself. She doesn’t like looking back at those photos. They feel out of place in our life now.

She wants to leave the past behind her and be stealth, and then there are days she wants to tell the world.

I want to respect her wishes, but at the same time I want to shout from the rooftops, “This is my wife, yes she is trans! She is gorgeous and one day folks out there who are questioning and queer, you can have her life and be happy. Hell you can have my life and love someone who you trust and build a life with. Just don’t let the narrow scope of gender define you!”

But until she consents… I have to be quiet. In the meantime have this blog post folks. Anyone out there who feels the dysphoria washing over you and feels like you will never find someone because of your trans-ness, be kind, be yourself, find a friend you can trust, hell find more friends, and who knows seven years later you might just decide to hook up and get hitched.