Blakey (BlakeBelladonna92)

to me | 5:46 PM (2 hours ago)

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I'd be lying if I said you didn't miss much, but considering how much of the call was so sad, I think it's better maybe to leave it blurry. The ending half was pleasant, though a bit embarrassing. You were shivering , but I must say Yang you had a lot to say to me. Some scary, but a lot sweet. I don't know how much I should read into it, considering you also thought animals were coming into your hospital room to take you to the jungle, but considering the email, maybe not all of it was just fever dream love.

It made me miss you.

I know it's the truth, you've always been the less self destructive of the two of us, though maybe not lately. Even a boiler will explode with enough steam though. I will never truly know how it felt to be you when Summer died, but I know how it felt to be me, and that felt fucked. I can't take that pain away, but you know you can express it with me. I will never think less of you for coming to me hurt. I think less of you when you start to act like me. You can trust Ruby and Taiyang more than you think, be weak in front of them and I think you'll find yourself plenty of warmth.

I know you know this, but I can't pass tests I don't even know exist. You can't expect me to chase after you when you leave on the drop of a hat, and you can't be angry at me for failing these hidden expectations. Still, I think you get that now, I'd like to think that that ground is treaded and done with.

There is also one more thing, you mentioned it here and hinted at it last night. You don't just care about me because I'm "fragile" and someone you needed to keep together right? Because, I am not just that, I don't want to be that. If you love me, it needs to be grounded in something more than needing to be someone else's guardian. If you love me, it needs to be love strong enough to live off of just wanting you, not needing you.

This email's turning dark, but I don't want it to. I want to focus on the light side. I don't know how I feel about you trusting Raven, but I'm glad you're not doing this on your own. I want to bring you home, but I know it's not possible. You won't let yourself detox in front of Ruby. It's stupid, but it's a stupid I understand.

But you'll have a parent and I guess all that maternal bonding time you've always wanted. Maybe a bit more throwing up than you would have thought, though from hearing about Raven's life style, I doubt it'll be the last time she's holding someone's hair while they hurl down the toilet.

Forgive my morbid humor. It's all I got left. Lol.

I won't tell your dad, and I'm proud of you for facing him over it. If you can give me an idea about when, I'm sure he'll want some company after. You know he's a worrier. What about Ruby? Want to tell her too or just wait until it's all over?

I'm not angry Yang, and I am disappointed, but not in you. I'm disappointed because I'm actually excited and I think you'll take that as a good sign. I want you to message me when you get there and update me when you can about the process. I've tucked a few packets about how to make this easier in the attachments. I'm going to get out of here soon too. Get back in the office, though I doubt I'll be put on anything major ever again. Still, bills need to be covered.

P.S. I don't know if you remember from the call, so I'll just say it here. I love you, Yang. Feel better.

Blake Belladonna

(458) 555-7929

Sent From: Salem Oregon