But it's hard to read or hear about the absurd amount of car-versus-house accidents in Perth without arriving at the conclusion that we also have more than our fair share of interesting (to put it mildly) street names. Two things I have learned in compiling this piece. One is that newsagents still actually stock hard-copy street directories. And two, it's possible to spend several consecutive nights in bed, amusing one's self with said directory. OK, so maybe that last bit didn't didn't come out quite as intended. But neither, I suspect, did some of the names in the lists below:

Beard Elbow (Bayswater): I have no idea what this means - a colleague suggested it sounded like a euphemism for a part of the female anatomy - and I have no idea who says "hey, we've already got one name that's a body part, let's just throw it together with another body part". But you know what? I kinda like it. History: R Beard was President of the Bayswater Shire Council in 1904. Upperthong Street (Bullsbrook): Unless there's a Victoria Bitter Avenue somewhere that I don't know about, this is the single most Australian name for a street that I can imagine (although in other countries it would have an entirely different connotation). Imagine your pizza order: "No, seriously. Upperthong. U-P-P..." History: Upperthong is a village near the town of Holmfirth in the Holme Valley, West Yorkshire, England. Black Pearl Lane (Byford): Sadly, I've discovered this street wasn't named in honour of Perth Wildcats great Cal Bruton. But it got me thinking about why something like this didn't happen when they knocked over the old stadiums at Perry Lakes. We've got a whole bunch of boringly generic titles - like Hurdles Drive and Javelin Lane - but nothing remotely hoops-related and certainly no Alabama Slammer Parade, Mike Ellis Mews or Eric Watterson Way. And that's not even mentioning the potential jewel in the crown, the all-encompassing David Radar Close. History: semi-precious stones and rocks. Cockman Cross (Stratton): I was going to file this away in another sub-category (see below) but after it ended up in the news last week in the only Perth hog-tying story I can ever remember editing, I figured it deserved a berth all of its own. 1) I don't want to lose my wallet there. 2) I badly want to know how people who live there pronounce it. Tell me it's "Co-man"? Actually, for the sake of my own entertainment, please tell me it's not. Stalker Road (Gosnells): Memo to single men living on this street. The prospective date you are inviting over for dinner isn't going to turn up. Ever. You need to change your address. Immediately. History: The Stalker family were early settlers to the area in 1911 (my own personal historical note - there were no Smiths or Jones living in Gosnells at the time?).

Allnutt St (Mandurah), Beaver Place/Street (Noranda/Tuart Hill). Bootie Place (Hillarys), Geekie Lane (Wembley), Gobby Road (Keysbrook), Handcock Way (Kingsley), King Horn Place (Redcliffe), Nookie Street (Dudley Park), Penistone Street (Greenwood), Tims Thicket Rd (Bouvard/Dawesville). Titicaca Court (Joondalup), Thrush Road (Melaleuca), Tongy Link (Ellenbrook), Vagg Street (Bull Creek). Yeah, I'm looking at you: Achievement Way (Wangara), Achiever Avenue (Port Kennedy), Astounding Way (Aubin Grove) Awe Pass (Kinross), Brilliant Rise (Stratton), Excellence Drive (Wangara), Hero Crescent/Court/Lanes (Bertram/Nambeelup/Brabham/Madora Bay), Legend Crescent/Place (Greenfields/Cooloongup), Panache Gardens (Joondalup), Sensation Lane (Aubin Grove), Sublime Glades (Carramar) Superior Rise (Edgewater).

We've got at least two clusters of constellation-themed streets (in Carlisle and Beckenham) and, if you include Pluto Drive in Harvey and Pluto Rise in McKail (Albany), roads named after every other planet in the solar system. But there is no Uranus. To start with this is astronomically incorrect. And for seconds, it robs us of a real chance to measure the effect of a street name on house properties. Would you pay more or less to live in Uranus Drive? And that's not even considering the awesome directions we're missing out on: "Take a left on Jupiter, then a right onto Mars and then another left down Saturn. But if you end up in Uranus, you've gone too far." Old Chestnut Lane (Joondalup). Just sounds homely. Just sounds homely. Plus, how could you not want to be able to tell people your address and have them say "Oh, that old chestnut". Of course, it's important that I point out that none of this street naming is done in a vacuum. Landgate has a very stringent process around it, about which you can read more HERE. You can also listen to Bruce Roberts, chair of the Geographic Names Committee, discussing the process with my Radio 6PR colleague Peter Bell. Also, for reasons related to having a life - also known as freeing up time to watch European PGA events on my laptop in bed - I've so far only studied the metropolitan street directory. And, having nearly crashed my car the first time I glimpsed Poverty Lane on the drive from Kalgoorlie to Esperance, I know there are some cracking country streets out there too.