*a man is pushing a shopping cart* man: i know i was supposed to get five things and i only have four things in the cart... man: what am i missing? *later* *the man is sitting on the toilet* *man notices that the roll of toilet paper has nothing left on it* man: NOOOOOOOOO!

choose your own adventure:

A: he has a toilet paper substitute nearby

B: he does not have a toilet paper substitute nearby