Here are some tips to ensure you host a World Cup party without serious incident or injury, plus some bonus tips if you hate your friends.

Standard party

These are the main staples you need for any successful World Cup party.

A TV that is sufficiently sized

If you’re thinking of hosting a sports party, you probably already have one of these. If not, they’re getting cheaper to buy by the year, and you’ll be enjoying the upgrade long after the World Cup is handed out.

Easy outdoor access

Any Canadian knows it’s a criminal offence to be indoors during the summer. So to avoid jail time you want your guests to have easy access to the great summer weather during halftime or when the stress gets too overwhelming. A bonus option is putting the TV outside if the weather is nice enough.

Enough drinks for everybody

This is a standard rule for any party, but it’s extremely important for World Cup gatherings. There are no stoppages or commercials except for halftime. So if the taps run dry you’ll either have some poor soul (you) miss part of the match, or a bunch of extremely thirsty friends Tweeting on the social internet about how lame your party was.

Flags. Everywhere

You literally can’t go wrong with this. All sizes welcome, the more the better. But it’s a faux pas to include flags of countries that aren’t competing – except on Canada Day, which is one of the best days to watch the World Cup.

Extra fixins

If you want to go the extra mile with your party, here are some suggestions.

Extremely large TV

Soccer is one of the best sports to watch in HD. Naturally, it gets even better the bigger the TV. It also ensures that all of your partygoers will have a good view of the action. Don’t do this if you’re broke.

Country-specific food

A neat touch you can incorporate are the foods sold at soccer venues around the world. Panzanella in Italy, meat pies in England, Choriopan in Argentina, etc. Another alternative is putting out a spread of Brazilian dishes, to celebrate the host country. But no haggis, even if Scotland is competing. You won’t win friends with haggis (or salad, for that matter).

Footy-related games

If you’ve got a gamer crowd coming to your party, you can’t get any better than having a couple games of FIFA '14 in between halves or matches. If you have a backyard, or are close to an acceptable field, even better – play a quick game of the real thing.

The worst party

If you don’t like soccer or hate your friends, these are the options for you.

A TV like this

You can take turns watching it at least.

Warm beer

If you don’t have time to leave it out, use a microwave.

Vuvuzelas

A throwback to the Worst Thing of World Cup 2010, nothing says “I Hate You and Soccer Forever” more than a droning 100-decibel noise that sounds like a swarm of bees.