Due to injuries suffered at the hands of the Wyatt Family, professional wrestler Kane will not participate in Sunday’s WWE Money in the Bank pay-per-view, but will be replaced in the eight-man ladder match by Fake Diesel.

In a statement issued from his hospital room, Kane said: “I regret that I am unable to compete in Sunday’s event, but I am delighted to have found a suitable replacement in Fake Diesel.”

Although Fake Diesel has not been seen in a World Wrestling Entertainment ring since 1996, he is reportedly in tremendous shape and ready for action.

Fake Diesel is considered by many within WWE to be the ideal candidate to replace Kane this Sunday, given that the two men have nearly identical physiques and in-ring styles.

The similarities between the men are quite remarkable: both stand seven feet tall and weigh exactly 323 pounds.

Even more surprising: away from the ring, both are outspoken advocates of a libertarian model of government.

If, for any reason, Fake Diesel is unable to perform at this weekend’s pay-per-view, WWE reportedly has Isaac Yankem on standby.