Name: Underarm advertising.

Age: New.

Appearance: Like a washing instructions tag for a jumper, but without the jumper.

I don’t get it. What are we talking about? It is literally what it says: underarm advertising.

Do you even know what “literally” means? Because that would “literally” mean people were putting adverts in their armpits. Yes.

What, literally? Correct: people are to be paid to wear small stickers bearing advertisements under their arms on public transport, where they will be visible as the models hang on to overhead straps.

Who is behind this deeply odd idea? The Wakino Ad Company in Japan (“waki” means armpit in Japanese) is paying up to £69 an hour to models willing to hire out their underarms as ad space.

At that price, they will attract plenty of models. But what about advertisers? Who wants their wares promoted in an armpit? The company believes the ads would suit driving instructors, private detectives and recruitment agencies, but it has as yet only signed one client, the Sheishin Biyo Clinic.

What service does the clinic intend to advertise? Underarm hair removal.

Unlike the rest of this story, that actually makes sense. You have to understand that in Japan body advertising isn’t new. As long ago as 2013, a company was selling ad space on the backs of women’s legs, between the top of their long socks and the hem of their miniskirts.

I suppose we should be glad that kind of thing could never happen here. Things like that have happened here. Back in the days of the dotcom boom, people made money by getting prominent tattoos advertising startups. Now they’re stuck with web addresses on their faces belonging to companies that no longer exist.

That may be weird and sad, but it’s not ads in your armpits. No, but Wakino’s parent company, Liberta, sells a range of underarm beauty products, so there’s a possibility that this is a mere publicity stunt, rather than a new low in capitalist exploitation.

Why can’t it be both? Fine.

Do say: “Can I take a picture of your armpit? It’ll save me having to write down the plumber’s number.”

Don’t say: “If you can smell this ad, you’re too close.”