TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

A new report published by Australia’s peak weather, climate and water agency, the Bureau of Meteorology, has today revealed an unlikely new indicator of global warming.

Chief Meteorologist Dane Virga announced to the media that they have been monitoring the activity of young goths and based off that, they’ve been able to conclusively prove that Global Warming is real.

“Over the past 20 years we’ve noticed a steep decline in the number of goths walking the streets”

“Initially we thought this was because being a goth was not in vogue, but we soon discovered that the goth community had just gone underground to escape the rise in temperatures”

“We then started monitoring their behaviour and we found that on cooler days they’d venture outside, but on the warmer days they were nowhere to be seen.”

“It’s quite simple really, goths hate the warm weather and the globe is warming, we can’t believe other countries haven’t notice this yet – especially Germany.”

While goths may be a little hard to take seriously, one notorious climate change denier is taking the report rather seriously.

Tony Abbott has come out and publicly praised the report going as far as to say that if someone had shown him conclusive research like this earlier, he would have had a vastly different position on climate policy while he was PM.

Perhaps the current PM should have a look at the research ahead of the election and rethink his position too.

More to come.