So now I have a roommate at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland in July — my wife.

She was elected yesterday from North Attleboro as a Donald Trump delegate to the national GOP convention. Unfortunately for Dyin’ Ted Cruz, she is not a double agent for him or any other Canadian-born RINOs.

“I got more votes than anybody else!” my spouse bragged to me last evening, and she told me to put her quote into the paper — or else.

Yesterday’s congressional caucuses were yet another sad day for the GOPe here in Massachusetts. Weekends are when the Cruz people try to make up for the beatings they absorb from actual voters every Tuesday. As bad as Tuesdays are for the Cruz cult, Saturdays are usually their time to slither back into the game, mainly because nobody’s paying attention.

But yesterday in Massachusetts, the local RINOs could deliver no more than four or so of the 27 votes on the table to the Calgary comet, Rafael Eduardo Cruz Jr.

Until this week, everything seemed to be falling into place for the Beacon Hill RINOs. Remember, the Baker agenda is rather modest — six-figure state hack jobs for themselves, a few rattlesnakes at the Quabbin and lots of sex offenders in the ladies’ rooms, and that’s about it.

All of yesterday’s caucus locations were picked to assure a minimum turnout of actual voters and a maximum turnout of Cruz’s crew of toothless snake-chuckers. Yea, verily, the howl of holiness was expected to be heard in the Blue Hills yesterday. Tongues were to be spoken, and the gospel according to Pastor Beck — turn to Chapter 11, brethren — was to be preached among the hookworm-afflicted fans of the junior senator from Texas. Put yo’ hands on the radio …

These Cruz RINOs have no shame — their phony-baloney hack jobs are on the line, after all. They claimed my wife hadn’t shown proper ID, even though she had procured a certified letter from the town clerk attesting to her credentials. She was even born in the U.S. — that really bothers the Cruz Kool-Aid drinkers.

In North Attleboro, the preeminent GOP hack family, the Poiriers, were tasked, along with assorted henchmen, with subverting the will of the electorate. This is a congressional district that includes both Fall River and Newton, so it seemed only natural to the Baker clique that the GOP caucuses should be held in … North Attleboro.

The Baker mob pulled similar stunts across the state.

Lt. Gov. Karyn Polito hails from Shrewsbury, so forget about Worcester. The GOPe scheduled the Second District caucus in her hometown. Springfield got the bum’s rush in favor of Ludlow. Boston was bypassed for a town, Braintree, where Charlie has put maybe two-thirds of the local Republican hacks on state-payroll welfare.

State Sen. Vinny deMacedo was charged with kicking butt and taking names in Plymouth. Too bad he doesn’t know anybody from the Cape and Islands.

“Lyin’ Ted sicced his minions on me,” my wife said after she was unsuccessfully challenged.

The fact is, there are more of us than there are of them. Promoting al-fresco baptisms in the local creeks is not a way to build a majority, no matter what the voices in Ted Cruz’s head tell him. So my wife now heads to Cleveland with me. And no, we won’t be ducking any of her fellow delegates in the Cuyahoga River, no matter what his pet serpents tell Rafael et al. to do.

Can somebody shout amen?

Listen to Howie 3-7 p.m. every weekday on WRKO AM 680.