Sandy Hook father’s suicide another tragic link to Parkland

At a 2014 ceremony, Jeremy Richman and Jennifer Hensel watch a video of their daughter, Avielle Richman, a victim of the Sandy Hook School shootings. At a 2014 ceremony, Jeremy Richman and Jennifer Hensel watch a video of their daughter, Avielle Richman, a victim of the Sandy Hook School shootings. Photo: Carol Kaliff / Carol Kaliff Buy photo Photo: Carol Kaliff / Carol Kaliff Image 1 of / 30 Caption Close Sandy Hook father’s suicide another tragic link to Parkland 1 / 30 Back to Gallery

NEWTOWN — The two communities are already linked in national violence prevention conversations after mass shootings in their schools, and on Monday, Newtown and Parkland, Fla., shared yet another tragic connection.

The towns are reeling from the suicides of people who lost loved ones or friends in the school massacres.

Jeremy Richman, 49, whose 6-year-old daughter, Avielle, was killed in the 2012 Sandy Hook massacre, was found dead Monday after killing himself. It came just days after the suicides of two survivors of the 2018 massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland.

Most people who experience trauma do not die by suicide, but it does increase their risk, said April Foreman, a psychologist on the board of directors for the American Association of Suicidology. Knowing someone who has died by suicide also heightens one’s risk, she said.

“We know this is a rare, but complex reaction to trauma,” she said.

Little is known about what led Richman, 19-year-old Sydney Aiello or the unnamed sophomore in Parkland to kill themselves. In Aiello’s case, however, her mother told CBS Miami that her daughter suffered from survivor's guilt and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Traumatic experiences — like surviving a mass shooting or losing a child to one — can cause people to feel angry and hopeless, said Kate Mattias, executive director for the Connecticut chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, noting those feelings can lead to depression and suicide.

“Very often when these kinds of circumstances happen, the people that remain sometimes feel survivor’s guilt,” she said. “So, ‘Why my daughter and not me? Why my friend and not me?’ And that can lead them to be significantly depressed.”

And losing a child no matter the circumstance is devastating for mental health, said Dr. Jorge Aquilar-Zanatta, a psychiatry specialist with Western Connecticut Health Network.

“That is one of the most profound and difficult loss anyone can experience,” he said. “We really need to be careful and be mindful of how that can impact our own mental health and really be on top of our self-care.”

Those who survive trauma might initially practice self-care, but falter years later, Aquilar-Zanatta said.

“If we’re able to de-stigmatize psychiatric illness and really be mindful of the mental health well being, we can support each other and possibility reduce the horrible events like we saw (Monday,)” he said.

Suicide contagion

More Information If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support, help is available 24/7 through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The lifeline is free, confidential and available any time by calling 1-800-273-8255 or by visiting www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

A concern that often arises after a suicide, especially one of a public figure or in a public location, is suicide “contagion,” where someone dies by suicide and then another imitates him or her. This is more common among youth than adults, said Tom Steen, of the Connecticut chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

But he said contagion is rare.

“It usually happens when good practices are not employed when a child dies,” Steen said. “And that’s when sometimes one, two or sometimes three other kids say, ‘Look what she or he did. I’m going to do the same thing.’”

It is also more likely when suicide is sensationalized, he said.

The idea of a suicide “contagion” concerned mental health advocates in the Danbury area last month after the suicide of 16-year-old Hailey Nailor, a Danbury High School student. It caused them to urge for a vigil not be held.

Experts know suicides can happen in clusters, but do not have a good understanding of why, Foreman said.

But Foreman said it impossible to know whether the suicides of the Parkland teens were a factor in Richman’s death.

“At the end of the day, if someone tells you they know why someone killed themselves, then they know something every scientist does not,” Foreman said.

Steen doubts the suicides were connected.

“Suicide is a symptom of something else going on in the person’s life, especially an adult,” he said. “Something was going on and we don’t know.”

Seeking help

Zach Cartaya survived the shooting at Columbine High School in 1999 and is now finance director for Rebels Project. The organization was founded by Columbine High School survivors after the shooting in Aurora to support people who experience similar traumas.

He, too, once considered suicide. “It’s because the trauma becomes so overwhelming,” he said

Cartaya said he felt survivor’s guilt after the Sandy Hook tragedy as he thought about all the things he had done, like driving a car, that the elementary students would never get to experience. This guilt is isolating, but survivors must remember they are not alone, he said.

He urges survivors and others affected by mass shootings to seek professional help, something that took him years to do.

“One of the things that I learned is that it really is a marathon,” Cartaya said. “You have to continue to work at it.”

For the Newtown community and others who know someone who has died by suicide, it is important to pay attention to one’s mental health, Foreman said.

“It’s the people of Newtown who must think about the public health issues and the well being of their citizens,” Foreman said. “These events are rare. They’re difficult to understand and experts are ready and able to consult.”

Steen learned of Richman’s death while he was in Newtown giving a presentation on suicide prevention and gun safety at the National Shooting Sports Foundation in town. That organization and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention partner to hold these trainings because the majority of gun deaths are from suicides.

“As sad as the news was, it was a teachable moment because no one can predict suicide, just like you can’t predict a volcano from erupting or an airplane from crashing,” Steen said. “The horror of it all is, it’s so preventable.”

Those who are thinking about suicide or know people who need emotional support are encouraged to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The lifeline is free, confidential and available any time by calling 1-800-273-8255 or by visiting www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.