View this email in your browser "You Motherfuckas Is Fired" Stories From The Road Hello Riley Martin Fans. Eron here.



As you can probably imagine, it was definitely not always a walk in the park, tiptoe through the tulips, smooth, easy sailing life to work for and with the Ole Space Cowboy. Not by a long shot. However, don't get me wrong here, because I wouldn't trade my experiences with him for anything in the world. I contemplated to myself whether or not I would trade my experiences with him for, oh, say around $16 million dollars in gold (and not federal reserve notes), and I still conclude, underwhelmingly, that I would not trade my side-kick experiences with such an intergalactic mack-daddy and all-around sage as the inimitable Riley Lee Martin. In the end, I basically concluded that I wouldn't have been able to purchase such an experience, even for $16 million.



In the face of this, I must admit that I still sometimes wonder how different things would have turned out if Martin had been granted at least only a few (say....10%) percentage points more earnings, commensurate with what he was truly actually worth, compared to what he actually received. In other words, I say unabashedly, that he was criminally underpaid for his services to humanity. I will bitch and moan about this at a later date, yet suffice it to say that he wasn't the first, and won't be the last to go up against the greed, avarice, jealousy, envy, fear, and power control complex of an unevolved humanity. Just imagine how Nikola Tesla must have felt. He probably did more for us than anyone else we can think of and died almost penniless. I would joke around with Riley, being, as he would say, "Eron is the sports buff around here", and tell him that at 6'2", 185 lbs, with a wiry and bony frame, and a left-handed delivery, with his crafty mentality, he would have been a hellacious major-league baseball pitcher. He had told me about his brief exploits as a kid country boy baseball pitcher. I could have easily seen him earning several million dollars for that. To dream is a valuable gift for us humans.



In any event.... a good number of you all know that Mr. Martin did his show, "The Riley Martin Show" on Howard Stern Sirius/XM Satellite Radio, Channel 101, for virtually 10 years, from 2006-2015. Well, I recall one time, in around 2008, the show was already wildly popular, and was becoming an even bigger hit with fans. Naturally, this was not lost on Stern. So, some of Howard's crew at the time invited Riley to join them with their traveling comedy tour, to appear on stage at different venues up and down the northeastern USA. He accepted the offer, and case closed, we felt that this would help launch Martin into a higher stratosphere and that we were on our way up to bigger and better things. I myself was confident that it was only a matter of time before we were to launch a "Riley Martin, Friend of the Aliens" national tour.



Riley (and we) were in the driver’s seat.



So, the time came for the first appearance, this one at the 'House of Blues' in Atlantic City, Jersey. 4 or 5 other guys associated with the Stern Show were on the bill with Riley. He was scheduled to go onstage when called and basically just do his thing. No script necessary. After all, he was Riley Martin. He had carte blanche.I was so happy.



We arrived at the venue about 3 hours before showtime. I was impressed with the facilities and was getting even more fired up about the possibilities. In the process of getting our rooms confirmed and situated, I noticed that Riley was a little agitated that it took a little time for the hotel staff to get us to our rooms. At that point, for every minute that passed, he became increasingly perturbed. I believe it was because he wanted to stretch out and relax before the show. Well, we finally got to our rooms, and we were able to chill out before showtime.



Fast forward a couple of hours, and we got dressed and went to our backstage dressing room/green room area to wait for Riley's stage appearance time. Eventually, several people converged in that green room area including The Iron Sheik who was sitting to the left of Riley, and it became a festive atmosphere, as cast mates and well-wishers gathered to see Martin and take photos, etc. Well, the beer was flowing, and Riley began to indulge. As usual, I removed myself from the interactions, as I was on alert to make sure everything went smoothly. Joy Martin, Riley's wife, was by his side sitting in that green room, and



The stage was set, with a step stool, mic stand, and one microphone. Perfect set up, I thought. This was Riley Martin's element, I thought. All he had to do was go on that stage and sit on that stool and talk to the audience. It didn't even matter what he talked about, though he had more to talk about than anyone any of us could think of. Beforehand, in the lead-up to this gig, I kept telling him that this time, as a beginning, he should probably tell stories about how he met, and his first encounters with Howard Stern. That should have been his launch.



Yet, inexplicably, as he was announced to the stage, he did something that, to this day, I still don't understand. Instead of going onstage he made his way to the restroom to relieve himself as Bob Levy who was heading the show looked at Nino and myself to ask what the hell is he doing? After taking his time Riley walked halfway to the step stool, stopped (crowd applauding and waiting), and began to raise his cane/walking stick (study) and then bang it onto the stage floor, like a staff (like Moses or something, lol) as though he was trying to ignite the audience (or part the Red Sea). He kept this up for a few minutes, and barked out some words to the crowd, which I could not clearly hear or understand, I believe he was trying to say, “Stand Up” but it sounded more like “Dand Up”. It was like he was trying to whip them into a frenzy. At this point, I wondered what in the fuck he was doing. The only thing I could come up with is that he was still angry that someone had insulted his wife. After about 3 or 4 minutes Levy said we should probably get him off the stage, as he wasn't really doing anything out there. I then pulled back the curtain and hesitantly began to walk onto the stage along with Nino.



I was immediately struck by the ambiance of that scene. It was like an amphitheater, with a nicely focused spotlight and a sea of faces in the audience seats. Without any verbal prompting, Riley turned, saw us behind him, turned his back on the audience, and simply walked off stage. Notably, I didn't really hear any boos, as the crowd seemed to be calling for him to come back out. As I caught up with him, I heard Riley mutter something about 'getting the fuck outta here'. He then called for his wife and gathered his things, preparing to leave. At that point, for the next 20 minutes or so, I set out to track down the paymaster for the payment. When I finally found the gentleman, he gladly handed me the check, and said something to the effect of 'We'll have you guys back again pretty soon.' They were happy just to have the great Riley Martin. (Though we never returned to that venue).



Finally, with payment secured in hand, I met up with Riley and wife Joy, along with Nino. I said something like 'we can leave now.' Uncharacteristically, Riley said nothing about getting paid, and by this time neither had I. In hindsight, I think he was still so mad that he forgot all about it. Anyway, in leaving, as the four of us got on the elevator, the gravity of what had just happened was pretty thick amongst us. I glanced over at Nino and Joy, each looking somewhat somber. I began to quietly steam up myself at the thought that we had just blown a major opportunity. As the elevator rode us, Martin was mumbling some words, and then held his head up and said, "You Motherfukcas Is Fired." I was already too numb to be shocked or to have any reaction. Nino and I just looked at each other for a moment or two.



We got off the elevator, walked out of the building and went to the vehicle, as Nino, who'd driven from Massachusetts, went to his. At this point I was quietly irate at the situation, one -because I felt that HE (Riley Martin himself) was responsible for the debacle, and two -because I had to really actually work to track down the paymaster to get that check. On the ride home (2 hrs) I couldn't stop thinking about how Riley could get sidetracked from the opportunity to talk onstage in front of a sizable, receptive audience, just because some idiot kid was taunting he and his wife. Eventually , I came to realize and understand that NO, the Space Cowboy DON'T PLAY THAT! In other words, that kid was just another symbol of Stern and crew's disrespect towards him and his family, and he was ready and willing to fight them at every turn. Though I felt Martin was supposed to be bigger than this incident, I do now understand that he had to be this way because this was his make-up. This is who Riley was. During the ride home, I triumphantly and defiantly pulled the check out of my pocket and handed him the check without saying a word. It seemed like as he started to mellow along the trek home, I (again, quietly) became more and more pissed off at how this event had unfolded.



I went to bed that night, with my own convictions, but still a little flabbergasted. The next day, Riley put his arm around me, handed me a wad of cash, and said, 'You did good kid." What he meant was, "Thanks for tracking down that paycheck." I had already known that he couldn't really fire myself or Del Padre. I was glad to be getting paid too. I will admit that, as he was handing me those dollar bills, as I took them and put them into my pocket, I looked directly at the Space Man, and a wee small voice inside my head said, "Fuck you, asshole". Ha-Ha!!



I really miss the man.

Sincerely,

-Eron As you can probably imagine, it was definitely not always a walk in the park, tiptoe through the tulips, smooth, easy sailing life to work for and with the Ole Space Cowboy. Not by a long shot. However, don't get me wrong here, because I wouldn't trade my experiences with him for anything in the world. I contemplated to myself whether or not I would trade my experiences with him for, oh, say around $16 million dollars in gold (and not federal reserve notes), and I still conclude, underwhelmingly, that I would not trade my side-kick experiences with such an intergalactic mack-daddy and all-around sage as the inimitable Riley Lee Martin. In the end, I basically concluded that I wouldn't have been able to purchase such an experience, even for $16 million.In the face of this, I must admit that I still sometimes wonder how different things would have turned out if Martin had been granted at least only a few (say....10%) percentage points more earnings, commensurate with what he was truly actually worth, compared to what he actually received. In other words, I say unabashedly, that he was criminally underpaid for his services to humanity. I will bitch and moan about this at a later date, yet suffice it to say that he wasn't the first, and won't be the last to go up against the greed, avarice, jealousy, envy, fear, and power control complex of an unevolved humanity. Just imagine how Nikola Tesla must have felt. He probably did more for us than anyone else we can think of and died almost penniless. I would joke around with Riley, being, as he would say, "Eron is the sports buff around here", and tell him that at 6'2", 185 lbs, with a wiry and bony frame, and a left-handed delivery, with his crafty mentality, he would have been a hellacious major-league baseball pitcher. He had told me about his brief exploits as a kid country boy baseball pitcher. I could have easily seen him earning several million dollars for that. To dream is a valuable gift for us humans.In any event.... a good number of you all know that Mr. Martin did his show, "The Riley Martin Show" on Howard Stern Sirius/XM Satellite Radio, Channel 101, for virtually 10 years, from 2006-2015. Well, I recall one time, in around 2008, the show was already wildly popular, and was becoming an even bigger hit with fans. Naturally, this was not lost on Stern. So, some of Howard's crew at the time invited Riley to join them with their traveling comedy tour, to appear on stage at different venues up and down the northeastern USA. He accepted the offer, and case closed, we felt that this would help launch Martin into a higher stratosphere and that we were on our way up to bigger and better things. I myself was confident that it was only a matter of time before we were to launch a "Riley Martin, Friend of the Aliens" national tour.Riley (and we) were in the driver’s seat.So, the time came for the first appearance, this one at the 'House of Blues' in Atlantic City, Jersey. 4 or 5 other guys associated with the Stern Show were on the bill with Riley. He was scheduled to go onstage when called and basically just do his thing. No script necessary. After all, he was Riley Martin. He had carte blanche.I was so happy.We arrived at the venue about 3 hours before showtime. I was impressed with the facilities and was getting even more fired up about the possibilities. In the process of getting our rooms confirmed and situated, I noticed that Riley was a little agitated that it took a little time for the hotel staff to get us to our rooms. At that point, for every minute that passed, he became increasingly perturbed. I believe it was because he wanted to stretch out and relax before the show. Well, we finally got to our rooms, and we were able to chill out before showtime.Fast forward a couple of hours, and we got dressed and went to our backstage dressing room/green room area to wait for Riley's stage appearance time. Eventually, several people converged in that green room area including The Iron Sheik who was sitting to the left of Riley, and it became a festive atmosphere, as cast mates and well-wishers gathered to see Martin and take photos, etc. Well, the beer was flowing, and Riley began to indulge. As usual, I removed myself from the interactions, as I was on alert to make sure everything went smoothly. Joy Martin, Riley's wife, was by his side sitting in that green room, and Nino Del Padre , his webmaster, and manager at the time, was hovering nearby. As Riley's stage call time approached, people were still streaming in and out and eventually, I heard some talking from there getting louder. I went and stuck my head in to see and hear Martin and “Sheiky Baby” in a heated exchange with some kid (20-something) that was becoming increasingly hostile. To make a long story short, it came close to blows, and the kid had to be physically restrained and removed from the premises. Riley was extremely heated at this point. I found out that somehow, this kid had apparently insulted or disrespected Mrs. Martin. Needless to say, the Space Cowboy was ready to fight. I was fearing that he had lost his necessary focus, as he was due on stage in a few. The backstage atmosphere became a bit more somber, and we could see that he was still quite angry.The stage was set, with a step stool, mic stand, and one microphone. Perfect set up, I thought. This was Riley Martin's element, I thought. All he had to do was go on that stage and sit on that stool and talk to the audience. It didn't even matter what he talked about, though he had more to talk about than anyone any of us could think of. Beforehand, in the lead-up to this gig, I kept telling him that this time, as a beginning, he should probably tell stories about how he met, and his first encounters with Howard Stern. That should have been his launch.Yet, inexplicably, as he was announced to the stage, he did something that, to this day, I still don't understand. Instead of going onstage he made his way to the restroom to relieve himself as Bob Levy who was heading the show looked at Nino and myself to ask what the hell is he doing? After taking his time Riley walked halfway to the step stool, stopped (crowd applauding and waiting), and began to raise his cane/walking stick (study) and then bang it onto the stage floor, like a staff (like Moses or something, lol) as though he was trying to ignite the audience (or part the Red Sea). He kept this up for a few minutes, and barked out some words to the crowd, which I could not clearly hear or understand, I believe he was trying to say, “Stand Up” but it sounded more like “Dand Up”. It was like he was trying to whip them into a frenzy. At this point, I wondered what in the fuck he was doing. The only thing I could come up with is that he was still angry that someone had insulted his wife. After about 3 or 4 minutes Levy said we should probably get him off the stage, as he wasn't really doing anything out there. I then pulled back the curtain and hesitantly began to walk onto the stage along with Nino.I was immediately struck by the ambiance of that scene. It was like an amphitheater, with a nicely focused spotlight and a sea of faces in the audience seats. Without any verbal prompting, Riley turned, saw us behind him, turned his back on the audience, and simply walked off stage. Notably, I didn't really hear any boos, as the crowd seemed to be calling for him to come back out. As I caught up with him, I heard Riley mutter something about 'getting the fuck outta here'. He then called for his wife and gathered his things, preparing to leave. At that point, for the next 20 minutes or so, I set out to track down the paymaster for the payment. When I finally found the gentleman, he gladly handed me the check, and said something to the effect of 'We'll have you guys back again pretty soon.' They were happy just to have the great Riley Martin. (Though we never returned to that venue).Finally, with payment secured in hand, I met up with Riley and wife Joy, along with Nino. I said something like 'we can leave now.' Uncharacteristically, Riley said nothing about getting paid, and by this time neither had I. In hindsight, I think he was still so mad that he forgot all about it. Anyway, in leaving, as the four of us got on the elevator, the gravity of what had just happened was pretty thick amongst us. I glanced over at Nino and Joy, each looking somewhat somber. I began to quietly steam up myself at the thought that we had just blown a major opportunity. As the elevator rode us, Martin was mumbling some words, and then held his head up and said,I was already too numb to be shocked or to have any reaction. Nino and I just looked at each other for a moment or two.We got off the elevator, walked out of the building and went to the vehicle, as Nino, who'd driven from Massachusetts, went to his. At this point I was quietly irate at the situation, one -because I felt that HE (Riley Martin himself) was responsible for the debacle, and two -because I had to really actually work to track down the paymaster to get that check. On the ride home (2 hrs) I couldn't stop thinking about how Riley could get sidetracked from the opportunity to talk onstage in front of a sizable, receptive audience, just because some idiot kid was taunting he and his wife., I came to realize and understand that NO, the Space CowboyIn other words, that kid was just another symbol of Stern and crew's disrespect towards him and his family, and he was ready and willing to fight them at every turn. Though I felt Martin was supposed to be bigger than this incident, I do now understand that he had to be this way because this was his make-up. This is who Riley was. During the ride home, I triumphantly and defiantly pulled the check out of my pocket and handed him the check without saying a word. It seemed like as he started to mellow along the trek home, I (again, quietly) became more and more pissed off at how this event had unfolded.I went to bed that night, with my own convictions, but still a little flabbergasted. The next day, Riley put his arm around me, handed me a wad of cash, and said, 'You did good kid." What he meant was, "Thanks for tracking down that paycheck." I had already known that he couldn't really fire myself or Del Padre. I was glad to be getting paid too. I will admit that, as he was handing me those dollar bills, as I took them and put them into my pocket, I looked directly at the Space Man, and a wee small voice inside my head said, "Fuck you, asshole". Ha-Ha!! Massive Savings On Everything in Our Store for the holidays. Get your Official Riley Martin merchandise, Symbols, Piss Jugs, The Coming Of Tan and more. Shop Now