I recently came across an ad on a BDSM-centric site where an individual indicated in the headline that he was looking for a “daytime slave.”

Hm.

I suppose this is either code for a “discreet relationship” or perhaps he has had issues with Vampire or Mogwai slaves and is trying to weed these individuals out.

The ad then went on to express his more specific desires, and he says, and I quote,

Your submission level should be at least a level 5 minimum.

Um.

OK, so I posted this on Twitter and of course the geeks came out of the woodwork to snerk. But then @phillyeboni rang a dim dusty bell about levels of submission.

A quick Google scan turned up that old gem, that has me rolling in my cubicle.

The following isn’t intended as a rigid classification. It was written by Diane Vera and published in The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, edited by Pat Califia, from Lace/Alyson Press, Boston, 1988, reissued 1990 (still in print). Within the S/M subculture, different people use the words “submissive and slave” to mean many different things. When submissives say “I want to be your slave,” sometimes they mean only that they want to be tied up and whipped. Many professional dominants routinely refer to their (usually _not_ very genuinely submissive clients) as “slaves.” At the other extreme, there are people who want to be full-time personal servants, and who truly want to exist solely for their Dom(me)’s use, pleasure and convenience. And there are many shades in between these two extremes. 1.THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST.Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist’s own terms and for the masochist’s own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one’s own bodily sensatons rather than by being “used” to gratify one’s partner’s sadism). 2.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Not into even playing “slave,” but into other “submissive” role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, “forced” transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree. 3.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being “used” to gratify partner’s sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the “slave’s” own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers). 4.TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsbility. Doesn’t dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own direct/pleasure (rather than getting one’s pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant). 5.TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief “scenes” and within limits) and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one’s partner’s sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions. 6.UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE. Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the “slave” is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one’s Mistress, but, either way, the “slave” has the final say over when she will serve. 7.PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant’s property at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave’s free time. 8.FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE. Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)’s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave’s position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time “slave” arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage. 9.CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS. A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn’t exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the “consent” is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn’t fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren’t really a slave unless you’re willing to do absolutely anything for your Dom(me), with no limits at all. I’ve met a few people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim. Copyright 1984 and 1988, Diane Vera

Yeah. Funny thing is, a dozen or so years ago, I remember myself wistfully longing to be the Most Intensest slave I could possibly be, kneeling at the feet of some hot-n-sexy-Master type, awaiting his merest whim to find myself wet to the knees in the shadow of his dominance.

Then I walked into the the real world of BDSM and realized that it is just folks.

Is this still useful? Is it merely am amusing peek into some attempt to classify the unclassifiable?

I do so much thinking about Leather, BDSM, D/S, M/S, etc, it ain’t even funny.

But the idea of “levels of submission” goes back to and feeds the despicable one-upmanship that makes me batshit insane, and I can’t really get behind it.

And besides, where is the fucking “Levels of Dominance” chart?!