I have spent much of my zombie debate time and career campaigning for girly girls and their place in the world after the zombie apocalypse. Tireless hours have been spent trying to explain the sheer amount of stealthy ninja like skills that you Martha Stewarts in training are bringing to the table!But damn it you are going to have to do your part and give me something to work with! So what I’m going to do is help you help me by explaining what a victim is and how not to be it.That’s right! No waiting for prince charming to come and rescue you! Not only are you going to be kick ass, stay alive, and save the world… you’re going to do it with finesse bitches!

So to start you off on this journey of self discovery and zombie self sufficiency we are going to talk about what a victim is. The dictionary says that a victim is someone who things happen to. Not just bad things. Things that are beyond your control that happen to you. Not that you planned, prepped, or prepared for. In essence things that we do not want to be. We want to be that person that prepares, preps, and plans their course and keeps it steady. Will there be storms? Hell yes there will be storms. Will there be trials and tribulations? Well duh! But your faith is what is going to keep you from falling into that abyss of helplessness.

To that end you need to start cultivating some skills now that you can take on the road with you. Or lay low for while, it’s whatever. Just try some new things so you’ll have at least a working knowledge of the stuff you’ll be working with. You may not be the leader, but you are part of the mother loving team! Learn to put up a tent. I don’t care if it’s in your backyard get some basic camping skills. I’m not expecting you to be a forest ranger, and no one else is either, but you should know how to build a fire! They literally have cpr and basic first aid courses everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Grab some friends take a basic self defense class. Right now it’s all about building your confidence. It is key! You will not have time to second guess your choice with your family’s life on the line.

Research. I am what I like to call a realist. Please understand that though I believe in God almighty, apple pie, and whatever country you live in’s way. But I feel that vaccines are necessary. Zombies will not be your main problem it will be the resulting diseases that will be floating around after it starts. Not everything that dies will be zombified, and what it attracts can kill you. If you are pretty staunchly against taking medications that’s fine, but at the very least read up on how you can prevent you and your family from getting and spreading the same disease you didn’t get treated for. If you don’t know anything about your area now is the time to learn. Crack open a book, about botany. Nature has more things on this planet that you can eat than you can shake a stick at. With a little research you can live off the land for literally years.

As hard and as much as I would like to. I can’t justify bringing a whole makeup kit with me on the run. Neither can you. So you will have to learn the natural version of whatever it is that you need. Am I saying that you can’t bring your favorite lipstick? No. Bring that shit. If someone says something remind them you have a gun. You didn’t bring it because you’re silly, you bought it because it was something that made you feel good about yourself. It gave you confidence during your everyday, and it will do the same now. Just remember that it i just one item though. If you have skin problems bring your salve or cream or better yet get a book of plants and start figuring out what you can use in your surroundings to get rid of the problem. I can’t give you a whole lot of information on homeopathy, but they do make a point that a lot of man made things make us slower and make our bodies sluggish. Rule of thumb if you can’t think of at least 15 practical uses for it than it should probably stay behind.

People skills. Please get some of these. I could write a whole book on how you are going to have to get over whatever the eff it is that bothers you about a group of people while on the run. Do you ignore that nagging feeling that someone is dangerous? No, but if the reason you think that person looks dangerous is due to a uniform, skin color, religion, not being religious, having a cat, or not liking iguanas you might need to just go ahead and let that zombie catch you and save everyone else the headache.Nagging, bickering, cattiness, whining, and generally not being good person may get you left behind in the middle of field of zombies. If you’re not a people person you’re not a people person, but that is not an excuse to be an asshole.If you are one of those people who have gotten by on their looks, now would be the time to develop a personality. Please make it a good one. Tensions will be high, and sometimes all anyone needs is one excuse to do something stupid and dangerous.

So remember. Look before you leap. If the alley is dark don’t go down there unless you think it’s a REALLY good place to hide. Know your place on the team and run that ish to the wheels fall off! Maye you’re the sniper, maybe you’re the leader, maybe you’re the effing water girl! Whatever it is, own it and hold your ground. You have a lot of livin to do!