“I tell people waaayyyy too much. Like, oh my God, I’m falling over right now literally. Okay now I’m on the ground. Oof.”

– On being honest with the media

“Acting is NOT hard. Being homeless is hard. That’s why I had sex with a homeless guy in Venice. I still have this faint rash under my boob. See?”

– On Acting

“Does it look like I have cranberry sauce on my butt? I’m hiding ketchup packets in my underwear.”

– On the lack of strong female leads over 40

“When I saw her, it’s like my body had a mind of its own, and I just ran over and stuck my head in her armpit, and licked it for like 18 seconds, and then I pooped in my Valentino gown.“

– On meeting her idol, Meryl Streep

“Ew. No way. He’s like my brother. For real though, one time I fucked my brother. It was after a high school dance and we were really drunk and we just went for it as a joke. My parents thought we were being so dumb.”

– On her relationship with Bradley Cooper

“I actually think people with AIDS are awesome. When I meet them, I’m always like, “Oh my god! Did you go to Studio 54?!” I’m obsessed.”

–On her charitable efforts

“I would motorboat the fuck out of myself if I could.”

– On her healthy body image

“Diets are bullshit. I just run into stuff and then laugh really hard.”

– On staying in shape

“Me and my imaginary friend Solar Cat speak Utawawaeh – it’s a language we made up for when we eat croissants.”

– On what she likes to eat