You know what? I'm just going to chalk the fact that we're talking about this now up to the fact that the world is nuts and we need some reprieve. So...! Consider this a gentle reminder that every time you eat an oyster, it's alive!

It turns out—per INSIDER from a million years ago—that once an oyster dies, it becomes unsafe to eat. Oysters continue to breathe once removed from water and can generally continue to breathe for up to two weeks if they're kept properly. It's imperative that they're eaten before the breathing stops.

According to SafeOysters.com, a dead oyster can "harbor high numbers of bacteria which can make you ill." A foolproof way to tell if the oyster you're about to eat is still alive? Tap the shell. If it closes, that means the oyster is still alive and breathing. A shell that doesn't even close (or an oyster that comes gaping open) means it is D-E-A-D and you should not buy or eat it.

HuffPost reports that while the oyster needs to be alive before you eat it, those who are concerned about consuming a living thing needn't be. They source oyster expert Julie Qiu, who explains "oysters probably die when the meat is separated from the shell, because the oyster’s heart is right next to the bottom adductor muscle. That would mean that they aren’t technically still alive when you throw them down the hatch."

Anyway. Back to the depressing actual news.

Tess Koman Senior Editor Tess Koman covers breaking (food) news, opinion pieces, and features on larger happenings in the food world.

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