Age: 40.

Appearance: 36.

Impressive! Although for me a cake that looks as if it was iced in 1978 is still not very appealing. Fool! It is Kate Moss who is actually 40 but could pass for 36, and this is not icing, the cake decoration, we’re discussing, but “icing”, the skincare method that Moss uses.

That makes more sense. You don’t exactly look at her and think: ‘That woman knows cake.’ You don’t. However, people do hang on to each scant word she utters. And W Magazine has just published 38 new ones, in the form of 14 terse answers to questions about what she considers to be the “beauty essentials”.

I see. “Having a head”, “smelling better than a drain”, “being alive”, that sort of thing? Not quite that essential. More like: “Exercise regime: dancing”, “Necessary splurge: perfume”, “Day-to-night look: black eyeliner”.

What’s a day-to-night look? I suppose it’s something you don’t need to change at dusk in order to switch from casual to glamorous.

Underpants, in my case. No doubt. Anyway, asked for her skincare secret, Moss said: “Ice in the morning.”

You mean like having gin and tonic? We don’t know exactly what she means, but it is thought that she was referring to the practice of “skin icing” – an anti-ageing tactic.

What does this involve? You wrap ice cubes in a cloth and rub them over your face. Apparently this reduces puffiness, wrinkles, pores and suchlike. Some gurus even recommend using cubes of frozen fruit juice.

Is there a body of good research supporting such a treatment? Don’t be ridiculous. Kate Moss recommends it. Isn’t that good enough?

Not really. Indeed some people might say that this is bordering on unimportant. Moss very rarely gives interviews so, you mark my words, her endorsement of a “beauty hack” that is cheap enough for everyone to use will soon become a matter of obsession throughout the fashion world.

My uncle Gary never does any interviews but no one gives a toss what he says. Is he the muse of any great designers or photographers?

I think he’d have mentioned it. Well there you go.

Do say: Try being born later. That makes most people look young.

Don’t say: Or just stand further away.