In my last column I, without really thinking, outed myself as an atheist. Whoops, what a mistake that was.

Trust me. It's one thing to come out as gay, but quite another to say there is no God. Of course some would say, and often do, that the two are naturally correlated. How that explains the fall from grace of countless men of the cloth, presumably true believers, who have stumbled – usually under the skirts of women other than their wives – I do not know.

I do know atheists have mixed feelings at this time of year and that Christmas can be quite a dilemma.

However, just like gays are mostly the products of a heterosexual home, so too are atheists pretty much raised on Jingle Bells and Christmas crackers – and because it is familiar many heathens celebrate the day and why not? Most of secular, non-religious New Zealand does exactly the same thing without a second thought or a second glance from anyone.

However, when you open your mouth and actually say you don't believe in any higher power, that's when the fun starts. Many attempt to express concern for the emptiness atheists invariably must feel. When that doesn't work they question our morality compass, as if morals are the sole preserve of believers. Don't get me started.

Even non-Christians start to judge and many will say, when pressed, that they are agnostics – as if hedging one's bets is a somehow nobler position than taking one.

Fortunately, I am a Kiwi atheist. A recent poll found that almost all Americans said that if a qualified candidate from the party they support were running for president, they would vote for that person if they were black, a woman, Catholic, Baptist, Jewish, or Hispanic. Three-quarters said they would vote for a Mormon. Two thirds would even vote for a homosexual. Only half said they would vote for an atheist.

Which explains why every US president must possess a Christian faith to first get elected and that later allows them to repeatedly say "God Bless America" with a straight face.

In the main, Kiwis are much less interested in a person's thinking on the God front. It is one of the good things about living here. Apart from the serious zealots, many of whom are busy online trolling columnists like me or writing letters to the editor for publication, New Zealand remains healthily secular.

Christians today don't enjoy having it pointed out that they hijacked a perfectly functional pagan winter solstice festival. It was an infiltration designed to convert the majority of pagans to Christianity, while letting them keep their feasts, general boozy merriment and gift giving. It worked a jolly treat.

Today, the god of consumerism has taken up the reins and he is laughing all the way to the bank. The average Joe is so hooked into this state of affairs that he will willingly go into debt every year just to be part of the game. Got to keep the kids/wife/in-laws/pets happy, right? Everyone else does it, so I'll be a sheep too.

How about the big fat lie? You know, telling the children about a certain obese man in a red velvety suit who slides easily down the chimney. Why do we assume that children wouldn't prefer to think their parents gave them the presents? Don't kids rely on adults to give them true data about the world around them? It all seems like a major duping session to me and for what? Mainly not to stand out as being somehow different.

Not to be a complete bah humbug, I do see some good in the whole palaver. The smell of pine from the tree and the roasting meat, the day off while spending time with friends and family. In 1992 I recall with fondness watching the Queen's "annus horribilis" speech on the telly.

Other than that I have to admit the whole thing leaves me feeling rather perplexed. I am always glad when it is over and everyone's mood becomes less edgy. I can then sit back in peace and watch the inevitable alcohol-related road toll rise, alcohol-related domestic abuse and view SPCA reports of abandoned and abused animals in the news. Not to mention what joys are happening in the rest of the world.

Naturally, Christians feel that if we all joined the faith these events wouldn't happen. We would all rub along nicely and share the good news.

Yes, that explains religious wars since time immemorial, doesn't it?

I suppose if the whole world were Christians rather than those pesky Muslims, Jews, Hindus (insert reviled religion here) then that would certainly take care of the need to have to go to war, right?

Nope. I'll stick with my rational thought patterns, thanks. I have just never believed in fairies in the garden – other than Carmen's mates calling over for a barbie.

Reason's greetings to you all.