E3 press conferences are a theatrical marvel. Elegant. Charming. Full of gaffes.

But what makes them so special? What are the things you need to create a perfect E3 showcase? And — once you figure out what those things are — could you use them for a drinking game?

I have unraveled the mystery, distilling the essence of an E3 press conference down to 10 keys. And if you, like most people, aren’t putting on an E3 press conference, you can play along with us as we stream the E3 press conferences on our Twitch channel. Here’s when we’ll be streaming this week:

Xbox E3 briefing: Sunday, June 9, 1:00 p.m. PT/4:00 p.m. ET

Bethesda E3 keynote: Sunday, June 9: 5:30 p.m. PT/8:30 p.m. ET

Ubisoft E3 keynote: Monday, June 10: 1:00 p.m. PT/4:00 p.m. ET

Nintendo E3 Direct: Tuesday, June 11: 9:00 a.m. PT/12:00 p.m. ET

RULES TO THE DRINKING GAME:

Big Intro

Drink if the intro has choreography

Drink if the intro involves more than one human on stage

BONUS POINTS: Musical number, drink three times

Business Gamer Fashion

Drink for every pair of jeans onstage

Drink for every untucked button-up shirt onstage

BONUS POINTS: If someone wears a gamer t-shirt with a blazer over top of it, take three drinks

Inappropriate Set Dressing

Drink if the set is thematically similar to the game shown

Drink if the set is more than just a screen behind the presenter

BONUS POINTS: If there are human performers used as set dressing, drink three times

Numbers

Drink every time a number is said

BONUS POINTS: Drink three times if the number has no context

Vague Rambling About Innovation

Drink anytime one of these words or phrases are said:

BONUS POINTS: Drink three times if the presenter says “wow” after looking at the screen

Game trailer montage

Drink for every new game trailer shown in the montage

BONUS POINTS: Drink three times if the montage is set to an Arcade Fire soundalike

WHYW Game

Drink if you audibly say “What?” “Hell yeah!” or “What!?”

BONUS POINTS: Finish your drink if they announce a VR Fishing game

Heartfelt Emotion

Drink if someone recounts a childhood memory

Drink if someone gets a little choked up

BONUS POINTS: Drink three times if someone cries

Gaffes

Drink every time there is a technical issue

Drink every time there is a human mistake

Drink if you’re POSITIVE they must have planned the gaffe

BONUS POINTS: Drink three times if someone says something that’s unintentionally horny

Big Finish

Drink if the presenter says “One more thing”

Drink if the final trailer has a voiceover or a landscape shot

BONUS POINTS: Finish your drink if it’s literally just a title screen



Actually, this game might kill you. Please be safe. Enjoy E3 responsibly.

If you enjoyed this, check out the rest of our E3 2019 videos on YouTube! We’re digging into Pokémon Sword/Shield, Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, and of course, the mere concept of E3 itself. To see new gameplay out of E3, check out Polygon Guides. Don’t forget to subscribe!