BUFFALO, NY—Howling with excitement after seeing the brand-new furniture set in the corner of the bedroom they now share, Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan and his twin brother, recently hired Bills assistant head coach Rob Ryan, finally got the bunk beds they always wanted, sources confirmed Monday. “All right!” said Rob Ryan, who, shortly after scurrying up the wooden ladder and fitting his top bunk with new Bills-themed sheets, leaned over the side of his bed with his head upside down and gave his brother an enthusiastic high-five. “This is going to be so awesome. But we have to be quiet, otherwise Dad’ll get really mad and shout at us.” At press time, the brothers had reportedly stayed up the entire night quietly whispering about their favorite Cover 1 defensive coverage shells.

Advertisement