PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday. “Special Counsel—outta my way!” shouted Mueller, swerving around fuel trucks and screeching onto an active taxiway as the Boeing 747 revved its engines to full power and began accelerating for liftoff. “Stop! Stop the goddamn plane! I need to speak with the president!” At press time, Mueller had brought his SUV to a rapid, sliding halt at the end of the runway and could be seen yelling obscenities and pounding the hood of the automobile as the aircraft climbed into the sky and banked away to the northwest.

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