It made so much sense to not be religious. I didn’t really proclaim it to anyone because I didn’t know any atheists, and the word sounded so absolute that I wasn’t sure I wanted to assert that. Instead, I went searching for something else. Well, if there’s no God, is there an afterlife? Do other things exist that haven’t been explained by science? I had always been a huge fan of The X-files and Unsolved Mysteries, so I started spending my time reading books about the paranormal. It was fascinating to me. I read and watched everything I could get my hands on. I even started a ghost-hunting group, but we’ll save that whacky story for another day.

I was a poor college student living off-campus, so I didn’t have cable. Luckily, I lived directly across the street from a library. I went in there regularly, reading all of their books on hauntings, ghosts, and other spooky-fun things. I wasn’t really sure if I believed in it or not. I loved the stories, but it seemed like a lot of people who claimed to have seen ghosts gave details that could have been explained by non-supernatural elements. Several of the popular “ghost photos” seem to be really clear fakes, but could all of the people who say they’ve seen a ghost really be mistaken?

One day, I wandered a few steps farther than the paranormal section and picked up a book: Why People Believe Weird Things. It sounded like an interesting read. I mean, I liked weird things. I checked it out and read it almost all the way through in one sitting. It explained skepticism, psychological reasons why people believe in these different pseudosciences, and even personal stories about how Michael Shermer used to believe in some of them, too. That was it. I was done. I was a skeptic and an atheist. It was clear, and it was a great feeling to finally have a concise worldview, and a worldview that I knew I shared with at least some people, somewhere.

Through an interesting series of coincidences, I discovered Center for Inquiry–Michigan shortly after that. They gave me a place to belong and appreciated me for the hard work and long hours that I spent volunteering and being an intern. We talked about atheism, I learned about secular humanism, and I went to every lecture that I could. I became the president of CFI–Grand Valley State University, and eventually I started working here at CFI headquarters in New York. It’s all because I knew that there was no way that someone could love everyone, yet punish them for who they are.

The point of all of this is that people become atheists and skeptics for different reasons and through different paths. Had I had better experiences with church, or had I stayed instead of moving out on my own as soon as I could, maybe I would have kept going to church. Maybe I wouldn’t have found out what a skeptic is, or I never would have met an out atheist. In our movement, we get so caught up preaching to the same people, arguing with religious people, or worse, arguing with people who mostly agree with us, and judging people without getting to know them. We go to the same big conferences with the same speakers and the same talks. Those things bring in some new people, sure, and it is great to go to one for the first time and realize that you are completely not alone. Still, I think that the best things we can do to make social progress for secularism and skepticism are:

Let people know that we exist as “out” atheists and that we care by being open about our worldviews, advertising for our community groups, and spending time in the community making a difference through volunteering and service

by being open about our worldviews, advertising for our community groups, and spending time in the community making a difference through volunteering and service Find more ways to teach skepticism and critical thinking as important methods for understanding the world (e.g. paranormal claims, pseudoscience, but also understanding important social and even economic and political issues)

Break out of your circle of friends who all agree with you already, and ask to get to know another group or another person. Don’t brush off the Unitarians because you think they are clinging to vague spirituality instead of embracing their almost-atheism. Don’t assume that every religioius person is Pat Robertson. Go talk to them. Better yet, go LISTEN to them. Participate in discussions with people and let go of your idea that they are stupid or they’re hippies or whatever it is that is keeping you from treating these other people like equals. Let go of this opinion that being nice is for Ned Flanders. Being nice doesn’t mean you can’t disagree, it just means you need to ditch the attitude.

Phil Plait probably said it best when he gave his talk lovingly referred to as “Don’t be a dick,” but I am hoping to convey even more than that. Yeah, don’t be a dick, but also, get out there. Get out and be a bastion of reason, inquiry, and skepticism. Look out for others who may need someone to listen to their questions or doubts. Let people know that you’re available to talk, that we’ve built a community, and that they can be a part of it. If there isn’t a secular or skeptical community in your area, start one. I, and many of us at the Center for Inquiry, would be more than happy to help you start one.

And, for the several people who are going to see this and post pissy comments on the internet about how we shouldn’t have to coddle each other, and how disagreement is perceived as meanness when you’re not really being mean, just please realize that these words were written by a person. I am real life flesh and blood, not just some text machine. If you bloviate at me like a jackass, I am just going to ignore you. Please, feel free to disagree with me, but if you want to disagree, do it in a way that is productive. Maybe we’ll learn from each other.

Thank you for reading. Use the comments to add to any of this, or send me links if you share your own atheism or skepticism story somewhere.