Vero Beach, FL – Let it never be said that Florida’s Michael Johnston didn’t know how to have a good time.

A sheriff’s deputy responded to a “shots fired” call at the Gifford Docks in Vero Beach on April 9 around 9:30pm. We’re not sure what he was expecting, but he found 44-year-old Michael Johnston, who admitted immediately to having about eight drinks including two cans of Colt 45, which he said was “too many apparently!”

He was with another man, and both had been firing weapons. Johnst0n said that the guns were his and were in the trunk of his vehicle. Recovered were a.40 caliber Glock and a.45 caliber black powder pistol.



Johnston confirmed that both men were shooting the guns on the dock and that he had been “drinking and shooting.” Roughly 20 shots were fired.

The dock area showed damage from gunfire, with Johnston stating that the two had been shooting at a glass bottle. “The dock sh– was my sh–” he reportedly exclaimed.

So far, this just sounds like a mostly-innocent tale of a drunken hillbilly who became a danger to himself and others but was nabbed before he could cause any real damage, right? Here’s where it gets good.

Johnston was swaying back and forth as the deputy spoke to him, and he ultimately pooped his pants mid-conversation.

He was arrested on misdemeanor charges including the use of a firearm while intoxicated.

You can check out pics of his arrest affidavit below, via TC Palm. Mr. Johnston could actually become quite useful as a cautionary tale though. Drinking and firearms never mix, so if we really hit that “you’ll poop your pants and the Internet will laugh at you” angle hard, maybe we could save some lives. Just saying.

[Image via: Ammentorp Photography, Shutterstock.com]