People allow themselves to become influenced by Satan in some way. From my earliest memories of being raised in the church, I remember being taught that this was, and is, the only real reason why people would leave the church.

“They want to sin.”

“They become lazy.”

“They become influenced by the world.”

“They are contentious and take offense.”

“They let their testimonies become weak.”

“They become persuaded by lies and half-truths.”

In other words, I was taught that there are no moral, good, or legitimate reasons behind leaving the church—all real truth and goodness are found inside the church, so what does that leave you with outside? If you are outside, what does that imply about you?

When I was faced with the truly terrifying possibility of leaving the church, I knew that there was a fair chance that leaving would be a death sentence for my “good reputation” and any merit I once held in my little gospel-rooted town. I also knew that leaving would likely damage, and could possibly even sever relationships with my family and friends. I knew this because of what I had been taught, what I had observed, and especially from my own experience of watching “leavers” cross that stark, dividing line between white and black in my own mind.

Why do people really leave? Why did I really leave? First, there are some things concerning those who leave which deserve genuine consideration: The dominant narrative of why people leave—as taught by the church—only leaves room for one conclusion. This conclusion has the purposeful effect of discrediting, belittling, and demonizing those who leave. Is it fair or right to inflict this conclusion on another human being without giving their point of view thorough, honest, and fair consideration? Another point of consideration: Our beliefs dictate our reality and our brains really like to keep that reality consistent. To leave belief is to leave what has been truth and reality and this by itself can be an overwhelmingly distressing experience. When this is combined with potentially serious negative social consequences—it is truly remarkable that anyone ever leaves the church at all.

Why do people really leave? From my own experience and from listening to the experiences of others’, I have seen that there can be many reasons, but from these many reasons there is almost always a simple, common, underlying theme of discomfort. For a person to be able to leave the church, the discomfort of remaining an accepted member has to become greater than the discomfort of no longer being accepted. The discomfort of losing identity and culture has to become preferable to preserving identity and culture, and losing comforting, cherished beliefs has to become better than retaining them. Stated simply—not continuing becomes better than continuing, even at incredible costs. This is why people really leave.

If you are currently an active, believing member—please consider the amount of discomfort that would be required to turn you away from your culture, your identity, and what you hold as truth. I understand that what I have written may not align with your own reality and truth but I sincerely ask you to recognize that this is the truth and reality for so many others.