TORONTO – The “unanticipated” shortage of school bus drivers that left more than a thousand TDSB students unable to get to school this week has since been resolved by a friendly stranger in a windowless van that he assured students is “full of candy, toys, and a puppy.”

The man, who identified himself as “a friend of your mom or dad’s,” said he was happy to help, as he was already in the area to let residents know that he’d just moved to the neighborhood, a practice he insisted was completely voluntary and definitely not court mandated.

“What can I say,” he continued. “I love kids. So, so, so much.”

Though the stranger admitted to not knowing which school the kids he picked up actually go to, he assured the TDSB the youngsters would “definitely learn something today,” a promise that a spokesperson for the school board deemed both satisfactory and “consistent with the curriculum at most Catholic schools.”