Like some sort of fellatial mandala, the story of the man who was captured on CCTV receiving a blowjob on a NSW train last December seems to gain complexity and beauty the more scrutiny you apply to it.

A story of a man meeting a woman that was masturbating on a train and subsequently being on the receiving end of a blowjob after a “brief interaction” is already juicy enough, but it’s the details that really make it. There’s the fact that he washed his dick off with Coke thanks to some frankly baffling internal logic that is surely inscrutable to any outside observer. There’s his interview with the Daily Mail in which he defended his actions by saying the woman had a “mad body” and expressed surprise that security didn’t, instead, congratulate him (“You’d think the train guard would’ve said, ‘Good on ya, mate'”). There was also the wonderful revelation that he has a big ol’ “WHITE PRIDE” tattoo on his guts:



Photo: What’s going on there, mate. (Source: Supplied)

The story does not stop there, with News.com.au citing court documents that said the woman involved told police immediately afterwards that she did it because “it was her birthday and was something she’d always wanted to do“.

While a relatively convincing* excuse, it is worth noting that her birthday is January 5th, and the incident took place on December 14th.

The woman, Chantelle Gordon, 34, today had a warrant issued for her arrest after she failed to appear at Port Kembla Local Court, with the magistrate charging her with behaving in an offensive manner in a public place and wilful and obscene exposure, both of which seem like relatively fitting descriptions of what went down.