The mystery of how Donald Trump spends his time continues this week as Axios has obtained leaked schedules that show the President spends hours floating in the vague state known as "Executive Time." Breakdowns from last Monday through last Thursday show that roughly half of Trump's time is reserved for the unstructured and unspecified expanse. White House Communications Director Sarah Sanders responded to prior leak of Trump's blank slated schedule by telling Axios, "President Trump has a different leadership style than his predecessors and the results speak for themselves," which is, objectively a read. It's like when your three-year-old insists on picking their own outfits and you preemptively tell everyone you see "Hunter dressed himself!" which is code for "I know it's a mess, and you know it's a mess, but let's pretend it's cute and move on with our lives."

Giphy

Sanders continued, "while he spends much of his average day in scheduled meetings, events, and calls, there is time to allow for a more creative environment." Serious question: is she describing the schedule of the most powerful person on Earth or a new Montessori school opening up around the corner? The latter seems much more likely.

According to the leaked schedules, Trumps day in the Oval Office begins at 8 a.m. with a three hour block of Executive Time. I don't know why he insists on using euphemisms when he could just call it what the rest of us call it: Tweeting and Pooping.

Sources in the White House claim that Trump isn't even usually in the Oval Office during the morning block, but rather in the residence pretending that he doesn't watch more TV than the kid in Poltergeist, like this morning when he responded to Morning Joe, a show he claims to never watch.

This content is imported from Twitter. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

This tweet came just seconds after Joe Scarborough said on Morning Joe that historians will record that no president ever worked less than Trump. https://t.co/b7RpMObC54 — Toluse Olorunnipa (@ToluseO) February 11, 2019

On Monday, February 4, Trump spent three hours in Executive Time, and then had a 30 minute meeting with his Chief of Staff, followed by 15 scheduled minutes of Executive Time. In this instance, it's the 15 minutes that really grinds my gears. It's a real feat of audacity to try to schedule anything besides a phone call you're not really interested in for a 15 minute block on your calendar. The President making sure the official record reflects that after his first meeting of the day he's going to spend roughly 15 minutes doing whatever he wants, wherever he wants is actually almost impressive.

Giphy

Do I want a more productive Trump? Absolutely not. What I want is more transparency in this ridiculous schedule. You can't just throw the word Executive on something and call it a day, my dude. It's like how my resumé says I have "extensive graphic design expertise" because I make terrible memes on Photoshop. No one is hiring me to work on the new Avatar movies, friendo, and no one is looking to Donald Trump to demonstrate efficient time management.

Trump responded to the growing questions about the nature of Executive Time by tweeting, "When the term Executive Time is used, I am generally working, not relaxing." Generally. In a manner of speaking. Some would say. This is the tweet version of this GIF:

Giphy

To avoid further confusion, here are some suggestions for how he can better label the way he chooses to spend his time:

Executive Tweeting

Executive Dog Whistling

Executive Outright Racism

Executive Time & Chill

Executive ASMR videos

Executive Riverdale recaps reading

Exec-poop-tive Time

Executive Heating Up a Hot Pocket and Then Biting It and Realizing It's Still Cold in the Middle So You Heat It Up Some More and Then You Burn Your Mouth On It and Have to Wait For It To Cool

Executive SVU Binge

Executive Watching a Movie on Your Computer While Staring at Your Phone, Mindlessly Scrolling

Executive Screaming at Clouds

Executive Thinking About Trying Bangs

Executive Wandering Around to Different Offices Looking for Birthday Cake

Executive Asking "If Climate Change Is Real, Why Is It Cold?"

Executive Deciding To Buy the Flowers Yourself

Complaining, also known as Executive Whine

Naps, Executively

Get Eric Reads the News in your inbox! Sign up for ELLE.com's newsletter to receive exclusive content every Friday.

SUBSCRIBE

R. Eric Thomas R Eric Thomas is a Senior Staff Writer at ELLE.com, home of his daily humor column "Eric Reads the News," which skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io