The Dating Pendulum

Nothing is universal. I want to make that perfectly clear before I begin to write this. I can only speak from my experience; that includes my own ups and downs with dating, observing my peer group, what I see when I’m out and about around Austin, and my own family background. I am fully aware (and hope you are to) that Austin is a unique city and that what may be true for a liberal living here may not be true for someone in Biloxi, Los Angeles, New York, or even our neighbor Round Rock!

Do you know what I think the key to a successful relationship is? Equality that creates mutual respect for the opinions, thoughts, feelings, and value of your partner. Life decisions are made together and each takes the needs, desires, hopes, and dreams of the other into account in their everyday life.

What this looks like in the early stages of dating is both people feeling lucky to have found each other. They are excited to tell their friends about the new, awesome person they’ve met and there is reciprocity between them. Reciprocity is SOOOOOOO important early on. Exchanging compliments, coming up with ideas together, and both people putting in EQUAL EFFORT. The same person can’t always be the one asking about the next hangout or initiating a flirty text exchange. One person can’t always grab the hand of the other and although it isn’t often talked about… there MUST be reciprocity in the bedroom.

TMI warning… The last two women that I slept with…it was the bedroom where I learned exactly how they felt about me. There was no reciprocity. You know the traditional movie scene where a dirty politician is sleeping with the cute, innocent intern while making promises of leaving his family, just to finish in two minutes and immediately put his clothes on and walk out the door?

Lately, I AM THE INTERN.

Promises of introducing one another to our friend groups, promises of dates during daylight hours, and EXTREMELY selfish behavior in the bedroom made me realize they had no more interest in me other than being a change of pace from their battery-operated boyfriend. Most men would LOVE that…

I am not most men. I ended it after a few weeks once I realized there was ZERO chance of it going anywhere else. I’m fine with people taking their time to determine how they feel about someone. I’m fine with their being a period for evaluating potential.. but once it is clear that there is none…move on.

I want equality in my next relationship; whether it is a short-term or long-term one. Men have earned the reputation for being users and abusers over the last MILLION years. However, that title is no longer exclusive to men; women have to share it with us. There is inequity in almost 80% of the relationships that I am privy to on a consistent basis. Most often the power lies with the female; that’s quite a [welcome] change from the “Mrs. Cleaver households of the 1950s.” However, the 20% that are equal…those are the ones that are universally thought of as lasting.

Healthy relationships are also partnerships.