Chapter 12:

I'm sitting at the top of a hill, overlooking the center of town. I come here whenever I feel stressed or overwhelmed, or when I want to be alone, which is most of the time. From here I can not only see the town and its inhabitants, which look small like ants at this height, but also the wall and… beyond.

Arendelle. Our enemy. Our oppressor. Our torturer… and yet, I can't bring myself to hate the kingdom, or resent its people. They have their reasons to fear us. Good reasons.

I look guiltily at the center of town, where the whipping pole once was. A gruesome collection of red icicles and dead bodies mingle in a large pool of blood. My work. I did this. I killed them. I couldn't control my powers. I'm a monster.

"Hey. Are you okay?" A voice pulls me out of my thoughts, making me look up, only to realize some icicles are starting to appear around me. Sighing disappointedly at myself, I wave a hand and make them crumble into harmless snow; I'd like to thaw them, but I can't in my current mental state.

Once that's taken care of, I look to the person who spoke to me, only to find two pairs of green eyes. They are the brother and sister from yesterday, but how did they find me?

"Impressive." The boy says, smiling widely, although his eyes express sadness more than anything. "You are very powerful, aren't you?"

"Maybe." I shrug, not wanting to talk about it. "But I can't control my powers. You saw what happened last night."

"They deserved it." He says, his eyes darkening as he looks towards the bloody scene at the center of town. I'm about to disagree with him, but then I realize he must be angry at his mother's death. Truth to be told, if someone killed my mom I'd probably say that they deserve to die too.

"I'm sorry about your mom." I say as I tightly hug my legs and look down at the snow in a vain attempt to stop thinking about the now dead woman. "I should have saved her."

"You did what you could." He says, and although he seems sincere, there's still a lot of pain in his voice. "Really, I… we don't blame you for what happened. We actually came here to say thank you."

I look at him, confused for a moment. They came to thank me? Even knowing full well that I could have saved their mother and didn't? Even after I killed every single Arendellian soldier, which surely will have severe consequences for all of us? Even when, in my attempt to save them, I inadvertently hurt them with my powers? No. They shouldn't thank me. They should fear me and detest me. Everyone should.

"Thank you for saving us." He says, bowing low before me. His sister does the same, but she doesn't speak. I bet she's very shy. "I'm Hans, by the way." He says, straightening up and extending his hand towards me, but I just eye it without taking it, afraid I'll hurt him; he's not an ice-wielder after all. This, however, doesn't seem to bother him because he keeps his smile in place as he then puts an arm over his sister's shoulders. "And this is my little sister, Helen." Helen just waves at me and gives me a shy little smile, which I promptly return, not wanting to appear rude.

"It's a pleasure." I say politely. "I'm Elsa."

"That's a very pretty name." He says, smiling. "Very Arendellian."

"I guess." I shrug, not wanting to be reminded of my old home.

A few seconds of awkward silence follow, and in other circumstances, I'd probably say something to dispel it, but right now I want to be alone. Hopefully they'll get the message.

"Anyways." He sighs. "I promised Bulda I'd help her get some wood. See you later." He waves goodbye at me as he takes his sister's hand and starts walking down hill, however, she pulls away before they can take even three steps.

"Do you want to stay?" He asks confused, and she nods enthusiastically. He then sighs and looks at me with an apologetic gaze. "I'm sorry, but… do you mind if my sister stays with you for a while?"

"I-I…" I pause, knowing I should say no. I'm dangerous, and should never be near non-ice-wielders like them. But I'm also selfish, and I haven't had a female friend for a long time, and she looks nice enough. Unsurprisingly, my selfish part wins. "Yeah. Sure." I finally say as I smile at Helen.

The girl promptly smiles and comes to sit next to me, a little too close for my taste actually, but I don't complain. I want to give her a good impression.

"Stay with Elsa, okay? Don't wander off." Hans instructs her, to which she answers with an enthusiastic nod that makes him chuckle. "Alright. See you at dinner." He smiles at us before walking away, down the hill.

We both stay quiet for a while, just watching the town below us; the wooden houses that are far too fragile for this harsh environment, the unorganized, filthy streets, the people taking what they can from the soldiers' cabin's now that they're dead… it's not exactly a pretty sight, but this is my home now, and I can't really complain about it. In certain aspects, it's actually better than the place where I lived before.

"Is Bulda… your mom?" Helen breaks the silence with a voice so soft and small I'm sure I wouldn't have heard her if we weren't alone here.

I turn to look at her, only to see her gaze is glued to the bloody scene at the center of the town… where her mother's corpse was just hours ago, before they took her to bury her. Of course she's asking about my mom; she's surely been thinking about hers since last night.

"No." I force myself to answer, even if my voice sounds a little strangled because of the knot that formed in my throat at the thought of the woman I couldn't save.

"Oh." Helen blinks, confused. "Is she here?"

At her question, I have to wonder if she's asking if my mother is a Northerner or if she's alive. I decide to answer both.

"No." I shake my head. "She lives there." I point to said direction, and Helen follows my finger with her eyes until she finds the place. "Arendelle." I breathe out with both melancholy and resentment; I have some good memories of that place, but I still don't know if I'd choose to go back if given the chance.

"She didn't come with you." She says, but it's not a question; it's a statement. She sounds like she's pitying me, and I don't like that.

"She wasn't given the option." I defend her, tightly hugging my knees as if that'll keep the doubts from entering my head, even though I'm not entirely certain that I'm saying the truth. It's just something I've been telling myself in order to feel less lonely.

"She will come for me, I'm sure." I say, but I don't know who I'm trying to convince of this, Helen of myself. "She never liked how ice-wielders are treated."

"What's her name?" Helen then asks after a long pause, and I'm grateful she didn't question what I just said. Maybe she understands that, no matter how unrealistic my fantasies are, they are necessary for me to keep going.

"Her name…" I take a deep breath before pronouncing it for the first time in years. "Her name is…"

"Elsa! Elsa, wake up!" I open my eyes to find Rapunzel shaking me awake with an enthusiastic and happy face. Why is she here? Waking me up? Again. I hope she doesn't make a habit out of this.

I glare at her, upset that she woke me up before I could recover that entire memory, but she just keeps smiling before she speaks again.

"Did you forget what day is it today?" She asks playfully. I try to remember what she's talking about, but before I can do that, someone opens the curtain of the window behind me and I have to hide under my covers to protect my poor eyes from the light.

"Come on, dear, it's best if you don't make the princess wait." I hear Gerda's voice behind me. So she was the one who opened the curtain. I lower the covers just enough to glare at her. "Come on." She says unimpressed. "Drink your tea and get ready; the princess has some big plans for you today." And with that, she goes to pick out my clothes.

Sighing, but giving up on the idea of spending more time in my bed now that I've seen the magical tea, I sit down and take the cup before starting to drink slowly. My headaches have diminished considerably lately, to the point I can go a full day without taking the tea, but it doesn't hurt to have a little help dealing with them.

"So… have you remembered what we're doing today?" Rapunzel says in a teasing tone. I pause, thinking about what she said to me a couple of days ago, before answering.

"Ah, yes." I sigh. "You want to buy me a dress for tonight's ball."

Yes, there's a ball tonight at the palace, and since I'm pretending to be a noble from Corona, I'm invited. Even if I don't know how to dance and I really don't want the other nobles to realize I'm actually a peasant in disguise. But it'd be rude for me not to attend to "my own princess's" goodbye ball.

Rapunzel and Eugene are leaving tomorrow, which was announced a month ago, though I only found out about it like a week ago. They were having their doubts because they wanted to be sure I was on good terms with Anna's council before leaving, but no one has given me trouble so far, so Anna and I were able to convince them not to alter their plans for me. They still said they'd visit again soon though.

Now there's the issue of what I'll wear tonight. It's not like I don't have dresses; there's more than a dozen in my wardrobe, and at least two of them are fancy enough for me to wear in the ball, but Rapunzel insisted I need a new one, though I think she just wants to go shopping.

It may be a good thing though; I've never been to the town before, and I'd really like to explore it a bit.

"Hurry up then, I'll be waiting for you at the main entrance." Rapunzel says before getting out and skipping towards her destination. I shake my head at her antics and hurry to finish my tea; I bet the princess would make me regret it if I make her wait.

I come to a stop at the main entrance of the palace, having expected to find the princess standing next to a carriage, or at least a horse, but… no, she's just there alone. She surely doesn't want to explore the whole town in search of a dress on foot, right? Well, knowing Rapunzel, that wouldn't really surprise me.

"Hey, Elsa!" She exclaims when she sees me, waving at me and sporting the widest smile I've ever seen.

"Hi." I say. "Where's the carriage?" At this, the princess giggles.

"Look at you, just a few months living amongst royals and you can't go anywhere without a carriage and a couple of guards." She teases, and I can't help blushing at her comment.

"That's not true!" I try to defend myself. "I just thought it'd be easier and less tiring to search for a dress if we go by carriage."

"I already know where the best stores are; we won't have to walk too much." She shrugs. "And this will give us an opportunity to meet people and get to know better the town."

"I guess you're right." I sigh, agreeing with her; after all, that's what I wanted, right? "Let's go then."

"You just love making my job more difficult, don't you?" Kristoff protests (yes, he's coming with us, together with Rapunzel's guard).

"Oh, come on, just shut up and start walking." Rapunzel says punching him playfully and then starts leading the way.

And so we get out of the palace and into the stone bridge that connects it with the town. It's actually very beautiful, since from here we can see the deep blue fjord, and the ships docking in port, together with the smaller craft belonging to local fishermen. I smile and sigh in content as I feel the breeze coming from the sea caressing my skin and hear the seagulls scream in the distance. It's nice being out of the palace for a change. I think I'll have to do it more often.

I see some children playing in the distance, I see the people walking towards the market, or the ports, talking to each other, smiling, working, acknowledging us with either a courtesy or a bow as we pass… I don't know why, but it all fills me with a sense of nostalgia. Just not exactly for this place.

An image appears briefly on my mind, and I see a town very similar to this one, except the ground is covered in snow, the houses and roads are made out of ice and most people have light-colored hair. There also aren't any carriages, and only a couple of people have horses.

The Northern Lands. My home.

Suddenly, I feel a little homesick. That town I saw… I feel like I belong there. I know I lived there for a long time, even if it's somehow different from the town I saw in my memories. It doesn't have a whipping pole to begin with. And the houses are made of ice, instead of wood. And the people look healthy and happy. It actually looks like a place where I'd like to live.

Maybe it's the Northern Lands after their liberation from Arendelle?

"Elsa?" Rapunzel pulls me out of my thoughts, and I realize we've come to a stop in front of a store.

"Y-yeah?" I ask, hoping she didn't notice I was lost in yet another memory. She looks at me intently, her gaze suspicious, but doesn't comment on my lack of attention.

"I was asking what kind of dresses you like." She repeats.

"I don't know." I shrug. "The normal kind? But elegant enough to attend the ball, I guess."

"Normal, huh?" She asks, eying my dress. It's not very ornate, and the skirt isn't too wide (like some I've seen). The sleeves are also long and the neck is high. "Well… I guess you go for a more conservative style. We won't find that here, so maybe we should try at the others first and come back if we don't find anything." I eye at the store we're currently standing outside of, and see many bright-colored dresses with very wide skirts, exaggerated cleavage and short sleeves. I shudder imagining myself in one of those.

"Yes, I think that would be the best." I promptly agree.

"Great. There's another one near here, come on." The princess says with a bright smile and starts leading me through the streets.

As we walk to our next destination, Rapunzel starts rambling about how one of the best aspects of having gotten out of her tower is that she gets to choose her own dresses, instead of waiting for mother Gothel to buy her one. I only partially pay attention to her though; as I see so many people around us, I start to wonder if one of them is my mother.

With the memory I recovered last night, I came to the realization that I wasn't born in the Northern Lands, as Rapunzel had suggested, but in Arendelle. I'm an exile, which comes with more implications then I'm ready to face right now, but also means my mother lived here in Arendelle. Maybe she's here, in this town. Maybe she's waiting for me.

I mean, in my dream I felt like I missed her very much, and thought she'd be willing to rescue me from the Northern Lands, so I bet she loved me as much as I did her. But in that case… what would she do if she saw me again? Would she be happy? Would she even recognize me?… Would I even recognize her? I mean, it's not like I remember her name, much less her face. Even if I want to find her… how could I do that without a clue of who she is?

But anyways… I'll remember her in time, I suppose. There's no point on worrying about it right now. I should enjoy this little outing with Rapunzel, since she's leaving tomorrow and I probably won't see her in a few months.

And so, I forcefully remove those thoughts from my head and concentrate on the present instead, which turns out to be a good thing. Rapunzel and I end up having so much fun! We go to a chocolate store after I don't find any dress I like in the first clothing store, and we end up with a tummy ache after eating half of the chocolates we bought in one sitting, so we give the rest to some kids that smile happily at us and thank us profusely before running off with the sweets.

We also go to the port, and I have fun seeing Rapunzel get frightened when she tries to touch a fish that was on a bucket next to one of the fishing boats, only for it to start moving, making her jump and fall on her butt. Of course, then she splashed me with the fjord's cold water because I laughed at her. Still, I couldn't stop laughing.

And the act of searching a dress was, in itself, quite the experience too, especially with Rapunzel making exaggerated movements and talking in a very bad french accent as she shows off the fanciest dresses. At first I just watched her, being too shy to do the same in front of the shop owners, but by the time we visited the third store I had loosened up a bit and also started to do the same, though I don't think I got it as well as the princess; she's naturally funny, while I struggle a bit with it.

Still, after we've visited six clothing stores and still haven't found anything, I'm about ready to give up and go back to the palace, not to mention it's getting very late and we have to get back at least two hours before the ball starts, so we can get ready. So at the end, we return to the store with overly elaborate dresses not expecting to find anything good, but still willing to give it a try before making our way to the palace.

When we enter the shop, an elderly woman wearing a little too much makeup for my taste and dressed like she's going to attend a party greets us enthusiastically, and after Rapunzel tells her we're looking for a dress for me to wear at tonight's ball, she quickly takes her to see her whole collection of dresses.

I'm content to be left behind though; just seeing the few dresses that are on display gives me an idea of what that woman is going to show the princess. And so I start strolling around the shop, looking at the dresses without really looking at them, wondering if there's someone that actually buys them, and mentally critiquing them in my mind just to keep myself from worrying about the ball.

I mean, it's a huge event, full of nobles and other influential people, both from Arendelle and other kingdoms, and I really want to make a good impression. The problem is… I don't really know how. Yes, I may have impressed Anna's council, but it's not the same. They aren't going to evaluate my abilities to run a kingdom; they're probably going to interrogate me about my past, my family, my heritage… and they're going to gossip about it for days. And of course I can't just hide in a corner and wait for it to be over, like I want to. I bet I'm expected to dance.

Ugh, I'm looking less and less forward to this ball.

"Are you alright, young lady?" A woman pulls me out of my thoughts. I stop my pacing to look at her. She's about the age of the shop keeper, but is dressed in a less sophisticated way, though still comes across as very elegant, and isn't wearing as much makeup. She's siting on a chair between two dresses, and is apparently fixing another one.

"Uh… yeah." I say hesitantly. "I'm fine."

"You came looking for a dress for tonight's ball, right?" She asks, and I answer with a nod. "Is it your first ball?"

"You could say so." I say, trying to appear nonchalant, but I'm actually so worried about it, my hands can't seem to stay still, and instead end up playing with my braid.

"Don't worry dear, it's not as scary as it sounds." She chuckles in an attempt to calm me down. "I remember when former Queen Idunn came here looking for a dress to wear at her coronation ball." She starts telling me an anecdote, and I listen intently, eager to know more about Anna's parents. "She was even more nervous than you, actually; her coronation was going to be the same day as her wedding after all, and she wanted to make a good impression. More so considering she was from a kingdom that had been Arendelle's enemy for many years, and so many people disapproved of her marriage with King Agdar."

"Was theirs an arranged marriage?" I ask curiously, because given the circumstances, it seems like the most obvious thing.

"No." She shakes her head. "Even if one of the first things King Agdar did in his reign was to establish an alliance with Corona, both he and Queen Idunn had to fight hard to be able to get married. It's quite a romantic story actually."

"I imagine." I answer smiling, glad to hear that not all marriages within royalty are arranged; I'd hate to see Anna marry someone she doesn't love. "Two royals from enemy kingdoms, bound by a love so strong that it eventually brought peace and prosperity to both their nations. That does sound romantic." I say, and inadvertently I find myself wishing for something like that. I mean, it's not impossible; if I'm actually the Ice Queen from the Northern Lands, and Anna is the Queen of Arendelle…

Wait. No. What am I even thinking? That's ridiculous! Even if I was the Ice Queen (which I'm not) Anna wouldn't marry me; I'm a Northerner! Not that I want to marry her anyways. That's just crazy talk. It must be the exhaustion.

"Uh…" I clear my throat to get rid of those stupid thoughts of mine and address the woman once again. "So… did the former Queen come here often?"

"Yes, but not to buy dresses." She answers. "My sister has very bad taste, which is why we don't have as many buyers anymore, but I'm a very good tailor, if I do say so myself, and the Queen often brought her dresses here for me to fix them."

"Why didn't she just have someone make her dresses, like An-… Queen Anna does?" I ask, finding this very weird.

"She never did like the Arendellian style, and so she always ordered them from Corona." The woman shrugs.

"I see…" I answer. I don't really see much difference between the dresses Rapunzel wears and the ones Anna has. Except maybe the princess's have more vivid colors.

"I actually have one right here; she gave it to me so I could fix it just before she… passed away." Her gaze turns sad for a second, but she covers it rather quickly, shooting me a mischievous smile. "Do you want to see it?"

"Only if you want to show me." I answer, because obviously that dress must be special for this woman. It was the last one she got to fix for the Queen, after all.

"Wait here." She says before disappearing to the back of the store. I don't have to wait much though, because she soon comes back, carrying a blue and purple dress with silver floral patterns embroidered here and there.

"Wow!" I can't help exclaiming at seeing it. It has to be by far the most beautiful and elegant dress I've seen today. Queen Idunn undoubtedly had good taste. "It's… it's beautiful."

"You wanna try it?" She suggests, and though I'm inclined to take up on the offer, I feel like I shouldn't. It's technically Anna's mother's dress after all.

"I… I wouldn't dare. I mean, it's too much for me." I answer unsurely.

"Nonsense! This dress will look a lot better on a beautiful young girl like you than gathering dust in a corner of my shop." She insists, practically throwing the dress at me before leading me to the changing room.

"Okay then… if you insist." I agree reluctantly, but also eager to try this on. I wonder if it'll fit me.

Therefore, I get off my dress and, after struggling quite a bit with the laces and the sleeves, I finally manage to put it on. I'm pleased to see in the mirror that it actually fits me like a glove… even if I think it was made for a slightly shorter woman, but it isn't all that noticeable. And I have to admit the Coronan people have a very good taste when it comes to colors, because this combination is absolutely lovely, more so because it exalts my blue eyes and makes my pale skin look lustrous. Plus, it has some cleavage, but it's nothing scandalous, which helps show off my… best qualities.

I'm in fact very pleased with it, and when Rapunzel comes to find me, I confidently step out of the changing room and show it to her, feeling proud when the three women in the shop keep staring at me with wide eyes and open mouths.

"Hey, Punz. I think I've found the perfect dress."

A/N: So, again, this was more of a filling chapter, but it's important to the plot, so... anyways. At least the next chapter will be the ball (prepare for some Elsanna ;)).

So, thanks for reading and if you liked this chapter, please review/fav/follow, it really helps me to keep writing. I appreciate your support very much.

Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.