PRESUMABLY you had a fulfilling week where you learnt a lot. But what about all the things you didn’t learn? Charles Firth has compiled this list of the top 10 things you didn’t find out this week.

1. How to make $135,000 per second

On Tuesday, the Australian dollar jumped by 0.5% just 37 seconds before the RBA’s announcement to keep interest rates on hold.

If it was an intentional inside-trade, whoever did it probably walked away with a cool $5 million. For 37 seconds worth of work.

That’s $135,000 per second, which, thanks to the RBA recent decisions, is approximately the rate at which the price of an average house increases at the moment.

But how do you turn a decision by the RBA to do nothing into $5 million? If you knew that, you wouldn’t be sitting around reading this article. And if I knew, I wouldn’t be writing it.

ASIC says it’s going to investigate, and says it’s got “mountains of data” to work through. Sure, guys. You’ll find the suspects in the data. I’ve got another idea: how about finding out who was shouting the entire bar at the VIP lounge at Ivy last Tuesday night?

Once they figure out how to make $135,000 per second, I’m sure the investigators at ASIC will just make that information public — rather than say, quitting their day job, and becoming, say, I don’t know, foreign currency traders …

2. Turnbull’s wickr username

During the week, we found out that many of Tony Abbott’s cabinet colleagues are using the secret messaging service Wickr to plot their leader’s downfall. Great work guys, 10/10 for keeping that info secret.

There were reports that Malcolm Turnbull, Alex Hawke and Scott Morrison were all using the service, leading one wag to request the “harmless” metadata for their interactions.

Nobody, except for the media reporter for The Australian, seemed to know what Malcolm Turnbull’s username was, and she wasn’t telling. But seeing as the username “MalcolmTurnbull” is already taken, I’m guessing it might not be that hard to guess.

Luckily, this fearless reporter was able to hack into Malcolm’s wickr account, and get a glimpse of the Communications Minister’s latest conversation. Riveting stuff.

Malcolm4PM: yo Julie

Julie4Deputy:?

Malcolm4PM: got the numbers?

Julie4Deputy: hell yeah

Malcolm4PM: lets spill this bitch

Julie4Deputy: yeah

Malcolm4PM: yeah!

Julie4Deputy: what are we waiting 4??

Malcolm4PM: lets do it

Julie4Deputy: lets dump his primeministerial white ass

Malcolm4PM: yeah … tomorrow!

Julie3Deputy: yeah. tomoz. then its def on 4 sure.

Malcolm4PM: yeah.

Julie4Deputy: remember to delete this

Malcolm4PM: yeah, if tony saw this he’d be, like, so scared

Julie4Deputy: tell me about it

Scott4Treasurer: hey guys is it on?

Malcolm4PM: tomorrow. for shizzle

3. George Brandis’ mobile number

You didn’t learn George Brandis’ mobile number. But it turns out you didn’t need it.

4. What Gina Rinehart got to cut from House of Hancock

Gina Rinehart pushed ahead this week with a defamation claim against the Nine Network for the House of Hancock miniseries, which Rinehart claims contains 20 glaring errors.

Unfortunately, the one thing that we didn’t get to learn is what the Nine Network already cut out after Rinehart was granted an advanced screening.

In a previous version of this story, news.com.au made a joke about Gina Rinehart buying an order from a judge. Readers should not have inferred that Ms Rinehart actually engaged in any such conduct. News.com.au regrets any embarrassment caused to Ms Rinehart by any reader who mistakenly formed that view.

5. Exactly how the American NBL competition will play out over the next month

As part of a promotion, Warren Buffett is offering a prize of $1 billion to anyone who can perfectly predict how the basketball competition’s March Madness bracket will play out.

Not sure what Buffett is promoting with this competition, but given there is a 1 in 9.2 quintillion chance of winning, it might actually be a lesson in Buffett’s renowned fiscal prudence.

6. Why George Pell needs $3,600 worth of robes

Thanks to the Italian tabloid, L’Espresso, we all know that George Pell has bought $3600 worth of custom-fitted robes since he arrived at the Vatican to crack down on … um … needless expenses by Vatican staff.

But sadly lacking was any analysis about how, in this day and age, Pell managed to spend $23,000 on flights moving from Australia to Rome. It can’t be excess baggage expenses. We know he definitely didn’t pack the kitchen sink, because he bought a new one there and it cost him a breezy $6650.

7. Why Putin hijacked MH370

Okay, so we all now know that MH370 didn’t fly south, plunge into the ocean and disappear, but instead was hijacked by Vladimir Putin, who then spoofed the satellite “handshake” signals using unbelievably sophisticated mathematics to make it look like it was heading south, and then instead flew north and landed at an abandoned airport in Kazakhstan. We get that.

But the question that wasn’t answered about this otherwise completely logical explanation is why? It’s not as if Putin can’t afford to just buy a 777. Or borrow an old Soviet-era one from Aeroflot?

Besides, Putin’s a busy man — he’s got murder investigations to cover up.

8. How To Ease the Pain of a Meaningless Existence.

Despite thousands of hours of work by philosophers, psychologists, medical scientists, artists, composers, poets and multinational pharmaceuticals companies, humankind is no closer to finding the solution the agony of knowing that nothing matters at all. Sorry if that puts a downer on your weekend.

9. What Tony Abbott Looks Like in a Tie that’s Not the Colour Blue

Of course, I still reckon he wears a gold and white tie.

10. What colour Nurofen is most effective

Nurofen has been pinged by the ACCC for marketing exactly the same product in different colours attached to claims that they targeted types of pain. Pink was for period pain, green was for back pain, and dark red was for the pain of a meaningless existence.