It is that time of the year again. Radhe Maa, the one with the disturbing bridal fetish, who doesn’t mind getting jiggy with her followers, stands exposed. Pun intended. I am not going to delve into the details of the case, just fucking Google it. So what gives us Indians such a hard on for these religious and spiritual Godmen and Godwomen? Before you nod your head and try shutting me up by saying, we are like this “only”, let me stop you and ask you this – are we really gullible, naive and stupid? Yes, probably yes and most definitely yes.

#1 Indians are a superstitious lot

We boast about sending the cheapest rocket to Mars and how our culture encourages scientific literacy, we produce engineers as fast as rabbits produce offspring during a mating frenzy, but all these fancy facts come with a hidden caveat. We are ridiculously superstitious – from freaking out every time a black cat crosses the road, to not cutting nails on certain days to being the worst possible human ever and yet believing that your bad karma register gets wiped clean by taking a dip in a river; you name it and we do it. While some of these superstitions were born out of some best practices followed by our ancestors a thousand years ago, it doesn’t make much sense in the age of Google’s self driving cars, 4G on your smartphone and gene manipulation.

So when the likes of a larger than life individual come along, manipulates us by something as pedestrian as cold reading and sleight of hand, instead of trying to figure out WTF just happened, we lose our minds. Now add onto that, the fact that most of us are socially conditioned via superstitions and their ilk to believe blindly in bullshit, partake in activities without rational questioning and anything which cannot be explained is quickly attributed as a miracle and a Godman/Godwoman is born.

Not a miracle. Just the work of a good illusionist.

#2 Personality craze

We love our personalities and famous people. Yes, other countries also have celebrity worship culture, but we are the heavy weight champions of the world. Just look around and read the stories of temples being built for actors and actresses for simply doing their job, sportsmen being referred to as Gods, ministers of state bowing down to their political masters at every opportunity…

Religion is the opium of the masses, some intelligent man once said. Individuals with larger than life personalities, political connections, superior intelligence manipulate our obsession with religion, our blind belief in the paranormal and twist and turn the words in some holy books as we stand calmly like docile cows, ready to be milked off our goods. All so this person can buy that swag new Gulfstream G6 and fly off in style to party, ehrmmm, I mean preach somewhere in the French Riviera.

Yes, this headgear should definitely work on the sheep.

#3 Herd mentality

We are followers. We copy Hollywood movies to make shitty versions of them, we copy their TV shows, we copy ideas, thoughts, computer programs (our IT industry is built on it) and anything else which can be copied. You could say that most of us hardly ever have any original thought most days. That’s just how we have been programmed – do not have a single original thought and for godsakes, don’t be different. Conformity is key.

Our herd mentality coupled with our obsession for personalities creates a cocktail for this madness. Our obsession with those of us in the public eye, elevates them to the status of higher mortals who must be doing something right to be where they are. Instead of focusing on the hard work which got them there, we indulge ourselves with silly details like what Amitabh Bachann has for breakfast and which religious cult is he a part of? What we, the gullible Indian public fail to see is that these celebrities are in bed with the Godmen and Godwomen, scratching each others’ manicured backs.

Now I too can make classics like Yaadein and Kisna.

#4 We are greedy

Repeat after me, yes we are greedy. Admission is the first step towards recovery. Granted, a huge portion of the population in our country can hardly afford one square meal a day but this barb is not directed at the poor and the needy. This is for the fat cats, the corrupt, the ones who already have most of life’s luxuries, but want more. Yes, it is basic human nature to always want more. It is what pushes us to achieve our dreams but instead of working our asses off and making positive life changes we crave for the easiest way out i.e. the shortcut. However more often than not we are greeted by the short end of the stick, stuck up somewhere the sun never shines.

The Radhe Maas of this world dangle shortcuts in front of us, tempting us and tapping into our greed and then swindle the fuck out of us. The beauty of this whole operation is that, even after suffering losses time and again, like the proverbial “mandir ka ghanta” we keep coming back for seconds and thirds. Our greed forever, three steps ahead of our common sense.

We, the people.

#5 We are depressed

We are Indians and we don’t talk about mental health. We are so caught up in chest thumping nationalism and how we are only the greatest country ever with a 5000 year old culture and heritage, that we really, really suck at acknowledging when there is a problem. A study conducted by the WHO in 2011 concluded that Indians are the most depressed lot in the world with almost 36% of the population having had an episode of depression in their lifetime. You might argue about the results of the survey but a vast majority of us do battle the cloud of depression sometime in our lives.

In our desperation for a solution to a genuine clinical problem, we turn to those who pose as representatives of the divine order, Godmen and Godwomen, who claim to have been ‘touched’ in all the right places (allegedly) and have seen the ‘light’. They know all the answers about life and why you are sad and lonely, why your boyfriend dumped you on your birthday and why your son won’t talk to you anymore. They are experts at mixing up religion and spirituality with some psychobabble, mumbo jumbo nonsense they might have read on the back of a self help book. Do note that their solutions always involve different ways of you parting with ample sums of your hard earned money.

Yes Dada, we know those feels.

Bonus

#6 Lack of self belief

Most of us suffer from a chronic case of lack of self belief. Look all around you – a constant need for self and collective validation engulfs us. Indians crave for more validation than people from most other countries I’ve met. Egged on by our huge inferiority complex we use validation as a measure of our self worth. And if you feel kinda worthless, needless to say, you probably have little belief in yourself.

It starts with the littlest of things like having to rely on a God or a Goddess for helping you pass an exam and over time, shit that you worked your ass off to do are silently attributed to divine intervention. The fake babas and maatas, are just another crutch for many of us, to not have to make those tough life decisions. Why? Because we are too scared of consequences, doubt our own abilities and would rather have somebody else make those decisions for us.