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1. Drug plague forecast if Justin wins

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Justin is openly talking majority and Harper is predicting plagues of drug dens if the Liberals win, and attending a big rally with (good Lord) Rob Ford. Boy, those internal polls must be really scary. Brace yourself people.

2. Liberals dust off gravy train

I love Charlie Angus’s response to the resignation of the Liberal co-chairman for already trying to cash in on his ties to Justin: “The Liberal party usually waits until after an election is over to get involved in a scandal,” says Angus. The scandal is extra great because Justin is pledging to pay for his promises by getting rid of all those consultants who plague Ottawa. So who’s Dan Gagnier? According to Angus, “Before joining Team Trudeau, Gagnier was part of the energy lobby “think tank” EPIC, along with former PMO insider Bruce Carson – now on trial for illegal lobbying and influence peddling.” Oh, this is going to be fun, mocking all the grubby Liberals scrambling to get back on the gravy train.

3. Elephants slaughtered with cyanide in Zimbabwe

People got very upset when Cecil the lion was killed by a hunter in Zimbabwe, but this is much nastier: Zimbabwean poachers looking for ivory for Asia can’t be bothered shooting elephants (which might also draw unwanted attention) so they lace salt pans with cyanide and leave it for them. Rangers discovered the bodies of 26 elephants killed for their tusks in Hwange national park. The Zimbabwean environment minister blamed it on the U.S., because apparently if more Americans were allowed to shoot elephants for high prices this wouldn’t happen.