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This article was published 8/4/2017 (1258 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Opinion

Modern marriage is an act of love, in most cases.

But the tradition of soulmate unification remains very much an economic merger too.

Tribune Media

For couples living until death does them part, it might come as no secret that the recipe for long-term matrimonial bliss is equal parts love and understanding — especially when it comes to the finances.

Forget these ingredients and strife likely ensues.

Most couples can speak to this from experience, but plenty of surveys back this up, too.

In 2014, a BMO poll found 60 per cent of Canadians cited conflict over money as the No. 1 reason for divorce.

Money problems crop up for a number of reasons, often through no fault of our own. Random misfortune can be their genesis: unemployment and ill health.

Some, however, simmer long before the merger occurs.

And many new couples could be unaware of these pre-existing problems.

A recent study sponsored by credit reporting firm TransUnion found most couples are familiar with each other’s credit history, but younger Canadians — age 18 to 24 — are significantly more likely to not know their spouse or partner’s credit history.

A credit score isn’t a complete picture of financial well-being, but the findings suggest some young couples might not chat about money as much as they should before getting serious: marriage, buying a home and starting a family.

"Most people don’t do it (have the discussion) and I kind of get why," says Heather Battison, vice-president of TransUnion consumer division, based in Kansas City.

"The last thing you want to do is bring up something that serious."

A bad credit score shouldn’t break a marriage. But it isn’t an entirely good omen, either.

"When you go to purchase a home or apply for a loan together, if the other person has a significantly lower credit score, it’s going to bring you down," Battison says.

"You will face higher rates and not get the best offers."

Given the consequences, a difficult discussion ahead of time is better than an unpleasant surprise after the fact. You just don’t want to step into a long-term venture with debt-related doo-doo on your feet because while love may be the raison d’être to merge lives, marriage is an extremely powerful economic vehicle.

"The fact is, marriage is one of the things that most protects people financially," says Dr. Moira Somers, a Winnipeg psychologist specializing in money problems.

"It’s this incredible resource among other things, and it’s a great idea if people can harness that power it provides."

Two is better than one, after all. Yet given its importance economically, it is ironic couples often reveal all else to each other long before they open the kimono on their finances.

"You should definitely have talked, long before you’re at the ‘move-in’ stage, about what your financial goals are, what kind of mistakes you’ve made, what it is you do well and what you admire about the other person financially, and where it is you can imagine where the tension points will come — and how you would plan to deal with those," Somers says.

Emily and Matt Paul had the talk long before they got married. The Toronto couple, with one young child and another on the way, have been together for six years and married for almost two.

Both came into the relationship as homeowners, so when they decided to move in together, they had some big financial decisions to make.

"We both had to lay it (our financial numbers) all out there because the plan was to rent our condos and then rent a two-bedroom condo for us," Matt Paul, 36, says.

Today the couple own a home together and have come to a financial arrangement that has thus far been conflict free.

"We do have joint accounts and credit cards, but we have separate accounts and credit cards, too," Emily Paul, 34, says.

"That was a decision we made long ago — that we would pool the money for joint necessities, but we’d still keep our personal finances personal."

Despite leaving a little bit of cash to the imagination, she says, "There are no surprises. We know where each other stands."

Somers says there is no one right path couples must follow. Nor do they need to be exceptionally creative.

We can look to others for ideas — like our parents (or not). It’s as simple as asking for advice from another couple you know who seem to have good financial habits. But also recognize what works for them may not for you.

What’s most important is that you don’t avoid "the talk," fearing it will lead to discord and possibly the end of the relationship.

Dodging the subject only makes things worse.

"It will feel like a betrayal," Somers says. "When you discover that your partner has debt or that your partner has an account that you didn’t know about or (is) giving money to someone you didn’t know about, it feels like an infidelity."

Indeed coming clean isn’t easy; nor is broaching the subject when your partner is evasive. In that case it’s best to use kid gloves.

"People can have a pretty deep sense of shame, and you don’t want to add to that," she says. "It’s really good to use your very best, most tender self to ask gentle, curious questions like ‘Tell me about this…’ "

And if you’re the one hiding a Dorian Gray-like financial picture, best share the gruesome picture sooner rather than later. Just make sure you have a beautification plan to offer as a solution, Somers says.

"For the person who might be dealing with debt, the best thing to do is to explain as plainly as possible that this is what led to the situation and this is what you plan to do about it."

It will be uncomfortable, for sure. But that discomfort does have its benefit, Somers says.

"What’s that expression? ‘Nothing quite concentrates the mind as the knowledge that you’re going to be hanged in the morning,’ " she says. "Knowing you’re going to have that financial discussion can lead you to engage in good financial housecleaning."

joelschles@gmail.com