Town Still Ravaged Decades After Dookie Airstrike of ’94

BERKELEY, Calif. — A small town in the East Bay region of California is still completely devastated and covered in excrement more than 25 years after what residents call the “Dookie Airstrike of ’94,” sources among the ongoing relief efforts confirmed.

“I still, to this day, step in dog shit,” lifelong resident Cody Shawnter noted, pointing toward Telegraph Ave. “Just look: our once nice and wholesome town went to literal shit that fateful day and hasn’t been the same since. I remember that nightmarish afternoon like it was yesterday — it was a nice, sunny day, and all of a sudden our town was ransacked by a pack of dogs congregating on rooftops, humping each other, smoking weed, and flinging feces onto unsuspecting pedestrians. It was absolutely terrifying. I’m still baffled a golden retriever learned to fly a fighter jet and drop bombs with precision onto the town square.”

The famous depiction of the tragic day came from artist Richie Bucher witnessing the catastrophe in real time while painting the town from a nearby rooftop.

“There I was, innocently sketching out the Bad Year Blimp over the skyline, when in came the rebel canine insurgence,” Bucher recounted. “It was an absolute shit show across the town, where many lives are still to this day moderately inconvenienced. I commend Green Day for using my work to commemorate this tragedy and spread awareness about the horrors of war and unleashed dogs. We must never forget.”

Military historians have long documented the aftereffects on towns decimated by unsuspecting airstrikes.

“This is a sad reality for many humans around the world today,” war historian Deborah Candlegate said. “Especially when the local government does nothing to help rebuild, and the town has no ordinance in place for curbing your dog. Some say the town’s disillusionment and tumultuous period after the ‘Dookie Airstrike of ’94’ became the source of Green Day’s concept album ‘American Idiot’ 10 years later. Drone strikes wreak havoc on residents — let this one be a reminder to have your dogs spayed or neutered.”

As cleanup mercifully comes to a close, high-end Bay Area real estate developers intend to buy up the town’s “unique fixer-upper opportunity” properties, with plans to build brand-new condos and luxury apartments.