NICOLE: I was like, alright, I think it’s unprofessional and rude of you to just tell me this now. You could have done this a long time ago.

Ten minutes later, they called back and were like, and I’m paraphrasing, “We just wanted to clarify something. Actually, this was because of a comment that was made during Tour of America’s Dairyland by you. You were bad-mouthing the race promoters. You signed a contract saying you wouldn’t say anything negative about race promoters on social media. You created this shitstorm for us this whole race. We had to work on this the whole race, we had to fix this shitstorm. Everyone was pissed. There was all this negative feedback.”

ANNA: You were, by far, not the only racer commenting on this.

NICOLE: I made one comment, but because I was the one they had access to, it was easy to use me as the example.

ANNA: When you get dropped from a team like that, it’s like losing a job. You have to explain why you got fired from a prestigious team.

NICOLE: And the only people I knew to approach for sponsorship were people that I knew through association with [my former team]. I’m sure they didn’t want to touch me. I am definitely in the process of trying to find a team for road next year.

I’m worried I am being blackballed for voicing legitimate concerns as a female pro cyclist. If a male teammate commented on social media saying he could see where there could be improvements to a race, would he be so swiftly retaliated against? I am in the process of trying to find a team for road next year. I have serious concerns this retaliation will affect the way potential teams see me. Which overall can effect my racing career in the future.

And now I’m part of this discussion. I have to choose if I want to continue to support this discussion that I was a big part of, apparently, or just say no, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

I feel like if I were to apologize for it all that it would mean I wasn’t supporting women’s cycling, that I’m okay with the huge disparity between men and women. Because I was singled out and punished for voicing my opinion, which was clearly mirrored by many other cyclists, I feel like I have this responsibility to continue the conversation.

ANNA: Why discuss it? You could quietly find your way back onto a team and “learn the lesson…”

NICOLE: Because then I feel like I’m sending the message that I’m fine with this disparity between men’s and women’s cycling. I didn’t even think I was really starting this huge discussion on sexism, but that’s what it turned into. It wasn’t my intention to start this discussion, but I did and I intend to stand by it.

If I would just be quiet, it would send the message other cyclists to just sit back, and don’t say anything. I feel like once you get to a certain point you have a responsibility to defend the integrity of your sport and stand up. It’s something you should do. It’s like equal payout. A few years ago, there wasn’t equal payout in many races, but now it’s required for Pro Road Tour races, and it’s because women were pissed about it, started a discussion and fought for it.

ANNA: Yeah. It’s an open discussion in the larger racing community. I hear it all the time.

NICOLE: They are basically saying that if you have an opinion on something we don’t like, we’re not going to sponsor you. Which I get, because the whole point of sponsorship is representing your sponsors in a positive light and promoting them the way they want.

ANNA: But how is that disparity in representation something they don’t agree with?

NICOLE: That’s what I want to know… but it’s because the owners of ToAD were pissed. They are also on the board of directors at [my previous team]. You’d think that being such big supporters of women’s cycling and having one of the biggest, most successful women’s teams in the country that they would want to support this, or at least not go against it. Not only are they withdrawing support but they are saying that it’s wrong, and that what ToAD was doing was fine.

I had the least abrasive comment out of all the comments I saw. Their reasoning was that I signed a contract saying that I couldn’t say anything negative about race promoters or sponsors on social media. Which I don’t think I did. This was not my intention.

ANNA: I’m not sure the comment is a negative thing.

NICOLE: This comment- I’m not saying the fact that they have podium girls is ridiculous. That’s a different conversation. It doesn’t seem very negative at all. I went back to look at it, thinking maybe it was a little harsh or unreasonable, but it wasn’t. I did tag them though, so, I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have done that?