Today is Earth Day, which means it’s time for a fresh round of alarmism and breathless reminders about arbitrary deadlines from politically motivated progressives. But it’s not all doom and gloom! As the USA Today has graciously noted on its front page, progressive alarmists might let you keep some of your stuff, if you’re lucky:

On today's #frontpage: Climate scientists say people will be able to keep technological conveniences with shift to a carbon-neutral world; 'Several' Americans among the 207 killed in Sri Lanka bombing attacks Easter Sunday pic.twitter.com/N8O0napcuo — USA TODAY (@USATODAY) April 22, 2019

Oh really?

How nice of them to let us keep our things. ? https://t.co/GqI8ZgyYhe — Amy Curtis (@RantyAmyCurtis) April 22, 2019

Right?

If you like your things you can keep your things. — Equality 7-2521 ??? (@KetoSpeculator) April 22, 2019

Hey, why does that sound so familiar? *eye roll*

It's adorable that climate scientists think that is or ever will be up to them. — Dan (@LawoftheGator) April 22, 2019

But if Bill de Blasio has his way, skyscrapers will be a thing of the past.