Magic: The Quitting

“Mom, Dad, don’t freak out but I have to tell you something.”

“This can’t be good. Nothing good ever comes from that.”

“No, it’s not that bad.”

“We’ll be the judges of that.”

ALEX SUMMONS HARROWING COURAGE +2 / +4

Harrowing Courage enters the battlefield with haste.

“I quit my job yesterday.”

MOM SUMMONS ANCIENT INQUISITOR +1 / +1

At the beginning of each opponent’s upkeep, Ancient Inquisitor asks, “Why?”

“Why?”

ALEX SUMMONS TORTURED SOUL –- Enchantment

Enchanted creature cannot attack or block, it can only listen to how bad Tortured Soul’s life is.

“I was miserable there. It’s all a bunch of political bullshit and nothing creative ever happened there. It was like working in a creative vacuum. That job was literally soul sucking.”

DAD SUMMONS ULTIMATE QUESTION -– Instant

Opponent cannot draw a card. Ultimate Question forces opponent to play only the cards in his/her hands.

“Do you have another job lined up?”

ALEX SUMMONS DIABLO’S DREAMS +1 / + 8

Diablo’s Dreams enters the battlefield with haste and cannot be blocked. Return target creature to opponent’s hand. (If Tortured Soul is on the battlefield, Diablo’s Dream gets +4 / +4.)

“I want to be a writer. I want to write full-time and publish my collection of short stories.”

DAD SUMMONS SENSE OF THE COMMON +2 / +6 — Intimidate

(Sense of the Common cannot be blocked except by artifact creatures and/or creatures that share a color with it.)

“What are you going to do about money?”

ALEX SUMMONS UNFORESEEABLE FUTURE— Instant

Unforeseeable Future blocks all attacks.

“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.”

MOM SUMMONS FLYING NUN +1 / +1 — Flying.

Flying Nun enters the battlefield tapped with guilt (Opponent thinks about what he/she has done and loses 1 life at the beginning of each turn.) When Flying Nun enters graveyard, Guilt can still be used for 2.

“It’s fine. This is our fault, not yours.”

ALEX SKIPS TURN

DAD SUMMONS BROTHER’S ACCOMPLISHMENTS -– Sorcery

When Brother’s Accomplishments enters battlefield, all of your opponent’s cards are used against him/her.

“Your brother would never do something like this.”

ALEX SUMMONS LIVING SINGULARITY -– Instant

Living Singularity destroys all cards on the battlefield.

“It’s my life, not theirs. I can do what I want with it.”

ALEX LEAVES GAME.