It’s been less than three weeks since Senator Cruz announced his presidential candidacy. First, Ted Cruz supposedly scared a child in New Hampshire, only he didn’t. Then, Cruz was a hypocrite for exploring health insurance options on the exchange… just like the rest of Congress. And now? ONE TIME TED CRUZ HAD A JOB.

Mother Jones’ David Corn has blown the lid plumb off Cruz’s latest scandal.

In his bio on his presidential campaign website, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) boasts of what he did as Texas solicitor general to defend the Second Amendment, the Pledge of Allegiance, and US sovereignty—all conservative causes. But Cruz does not detail another important chapter in his legal career: his work as a well-paid private attorney who helped corporations found guilty of wrongdoing.

We will pause here to momentarily savor Corn subtly arguing the guilty ought not be privy to a defense.

Corn prattles on, feebly attempting to depict Sen. Cruz as a heartless, corporation-shilling, money-grubbing fraud. Though some would argue these are the virtues of a good attorney.

But much of the time, Cruz represented corporate clients. He was a lawyer for Kraft in a major lawsuit against Starbucks. He represented Pfizer when a California county accused the drug manufacturer and other pharmaceutical firms of overcharging. (In a win for Big Pharma, the Supreme Court tossed out the case.) He defended Eagle Freight Systems when drivers sued the company seeking unpaid overtime wages and expenses. (Cruz lost a bid to uphold a lower court ruling that shut down the drivers’ suit. Two years later, when Cruz was no longer involved in the case, the trucking company prevailed.) In a controversial move, he represented a Pennsylvania developer who was a central player in a corruption scandal that exploited juveniles, handling a dispute this crooked developer had with his insurance company. Cruz, a tea party favorite who calls himself a “courageous conservative,” has railed against “crony capitalism” and decried “corporate welfare.” He has boasted that he authored “legislation to end federal dollars subsidizing corporate fat cats.” Yet as a private legal gun for hire—who billed at least $695 per hour—Cruz sometimes defended corporations that engaged in sleazy practices to screw the little guy or gal. Here’s a look at two of those cases.

Citing two cases out of the entirety of Cruz’s legal career as damning evidence of the fact that Cruz is unprincipled, is weaksauce to say the least. But to the Corn’s of the world, ‘corporation’ is a four-letter word and those that associate with c*******ions may as well be evil incarnate.

Forget that in dealing intimately with corporate giants, Cruz might have a unique understanding of just how nasty some of these behemoths are willing to be… pssh… Cruz was out to exploit the little man! (See also: Cruz’s time at the FTC)

Corn’s intrepid journalism also unearthed this gem from another attorney, “to Gordon, Cruz—who had already established a reputation as one of the nation’s leading appellate attorneys—had not come across as impressive or unusual. “He was a run-of-the-mill corporate defense attorney,” she says, “who’d defend anything anytime a corporation wants to defend something.”” So, he did his job. Problematic, indeed.

But the real clincher in Corn’s story is the startling revelation that Cruz did not win every case. I know, I know… we were just as shocked as you. What was Sen. Cruz thinking, having a job in the private sector and not wining every.single.case?! The nerve of this man…

We therefore rate this latest ‘attack’ on Sen. Cruz as a 4 out of 5 on the Lameness Scale, with extra points awarded for the necessity of adding this post to the world’s search engines.

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