Olivier Giroud increases cult hero cachet at World Cup as the striker who doesn’t score Never has a striker done so much with so little to show for it

Olivier Giroud, World Cup winner. Olivier Giroud, with his gorgeous face splashed across the Arc de Triomphe. This is 2018, we are living in the age of the surreal, and Giroud is leading the charge towards a strange, confusing and hallucinatory future. Olivier Giroud, coming from the left-field to beat Emmanuel Macron by a landslide at the next French presidential election? In a reality where a wingnut reality television mogul is hailed as the “leader of the free world”, a cumbersome centre-forward with fantastic hair becoming French head of state would be fairly unremarkable.

Macron is no doubt a big fan of Giroud given that, unlike French rail staff and aviation workers this summer, France’s No 9 refuses to strike (*wah waaah*). Much-shared since Les Bleus were confirmed as champions of the world with victory over Croatia, an Opta stat tweeted after the final at the Luzhniki Stadium revealed that Giroud had failed to attempt a single shot on target in 546 minutes of game time in Russia.

546 – Olivier Giroud didn't attempt a single shot on target in 546 minutes at this World Cup for France. Nonplussed.#WorldCupFinal #WorldCup #FRA #CRO pic.twitter.com/PBVR7Ifysr — OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) July 15, 2018

Fans immediately made comparisons with Stephane Guivarc’h, the intermittently hapless striker who made six appearances at France 98, scored zero goals and went on to collect a winner’s medal regardless.

The cult of Giroud

Going 546 minutes without a shot on target is the sort of run which has defined Giroud’s cult hero status with supporters in England. Having moved to Chelsea in January as one of their least lauded signings in recent memory, he scored one goal in his first 10 appearances and was derided for having the agility of an industrial barge. He ended the season as an FA Cup winner, having been instrumental in Chelsea’s run to the final. That is Giroud’s modus operandi: laboured, unwieldy and erratic in front of goal, he defies all the rules of logic by being consistently effective and sometimes even conventionally good.

It says a lot that, despite his move to Chelsea, Giroud still elicits a strange sense of ownership among Arsenal fans. Having spent five-and-a-half seasons lamenting his shortcomings in comparison to his more prolific predecessors – Giroud’s style of play may best be described as the conceptual opposite of Thierry Henry – fans found a Giroud-shaped hole in their hearts the moment he left for Stamford Bridge.

This might be diagnosed as a form of collective Stockholm syndrome after five years holed up in the same stadium as the lumbering front man, locked in a stalemate with the club’s waning fortunes and held hostage by the slow decline of Arsene Wenger’s twilight years. Then again, it may be that many Arsenal fans belatedly came to recognise that Giroud served a purpose at the club. It may not always have been easy to watch, but his selfless contribution more often than not offset his moments of clumsiness.

In the end fans may even have come to love his clumsiness for its own sake, ironically or otherwise. It was telling that Arsenal were quick to congratulate Giroud on social media after France’s World Cup triumph, but even more telling was an exchange in their mentions. “He’s no longer our player,” one fan wrote. “He’ll always be our player,” another replied.

French functionality

There is no more fitting testament to Giroud as a footballer than the fact that he has won the World Cup despite going the entirety of the tournament without scoring. Ridiculous on the one hand, it also hints at how comfortable he is in a functional role. The comparisons to Stephane Guivarc’h miss the mark because, unlike the goalless wonder of France 98 who the Daily Mail would later label “the Premier League’s worst ever striker”, Giroud was not an ineffectual presence for France with a reliance on the ultra-talented teammates around him. If anything, Giroud’s ultra-talented teammates were reliant on him to draw defenders, press opponents and provide openings with his surprisingly deft flicks and aerial dominance.

In France’s opening game against Australia, Didier Deschamps opted for a front three of Ousmane Dembele, Kylian Mbappe and Antoine Griezmann. There are few who would include Giroud in a France line-up at the expense of one of those players, but after 70 minutes the scores were level and their combinations were looking increasingly fruitless. Deschamps introduced Giroud with 20 minutes to play and, just over 10 minutes later, it was his flick-on which forced an own goal from Socceroos defender Aziz Behich. Giroud went on to start the rest of France’s games – most often at the expense of Dembele – and look at the result.

Giroud may be the striker who went 546 minutes without a goal in Russia, but he deserves to savour World Cup victory as much as any of his compatriots. In looking for an explanation for his failure to score, it would be charitable to conclude that he had other priorities. His job was never to be the main goal-getter for Les Bleus – Deschamps had Mbappe and Griezmann for that – but to distract from the lightning danger of his fellow attackers with his unselfish and occasionally ungainly interventions.

So put him up in lights, project him onto the Arc de Triomphe, give Olivier Giroud the love he deserves. Never has a striker done so much with so little to show for it. He is the master of the thankless task, which should stand him in good stead should he ever seriously consider running for President of France.

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