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If you’re hoping to attend this Saturday’s In Goop Health Summit, but you’d like to waste your time rather than your money, boy howdy, are you ever in luck: the Gwyneth Paltrow-headed lifestyle brand’s organizers are in need of some free labour.

The sold-out event, which costs $400 to attend even though Paltrow won’t be there, has posted an online form advertising a “volunteer opportunity” at this weekend’s Goop wellness event, the first outside the U.S., at the Stanley Park Pavilion.

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All they’re asking for is a simple 12 or 24 hours of your time, plus two hours for training and, we can only imagine, some sort of pseudoscientific cleansing ritual involving crystals.

And all they’re offering in return is a lousy Goop T-shirt, plus meals and snacks — although since it’s Goop, it’s hard to say if the food will nourish you physically rather than, say, simply emotionally.

Goop has built an empire peddling luxury “wellness” items you might purchase at a haunted apothecary, where nothing seems quite real. But Paltrow’s company, which has faced a great deal of criticism for promoting and selling products and treatments that have no scientific basis or are recognized by the medical establishment as harmful or misleading, is reportedly worth upwards of $250 million — more than enough to pay a six-figure fine or, say, its event staff this weekend.