(My homeroom teacher has left the classroom unlocked, and I am the first to arrive. Seizing the opportunity, I grab a whiteboard marker and scrawl the first thing that comes to my head.)

Friend #1: *arriving in classroom, reads what I have written* “Today’s Schedule: Step one – Crying.”

(We look at each other, and crack up. A second friend arrives in the classroom, and reads out the “schedule,” plus a few additions made by Friend #1.)

Friend #2: “Step two – Reevaluate your life choices. Step three – More crying.”

(Friend #1 and I are giggling, and Friend #2 comes up to make her mark. Soon enough, one more friend arrives before the rest of the class starts trickling in. My friends and I continue to add to the list until there are nine items in total. Most of the class is stifling laughter. When I spot the teacher and we scramble into our seats.)

Teacher: *eyes us suspiciously* “What? What have you done this time?”

Teacher: *notices the board, and reads out list* “Today’s Schedule:

Step one – Cry

Step two – Reevaluate your life choices

Step three – More crying :) *yes she said “colon right-parenthesis”

Step four – Succumb to the darkness within

Step five – Catch up on sleep in Mrs. [Teacher]’s class

Step six – Realize our puny existences are futile

Step seven – Cry some more

Step eight – Die :)

Step nine – Cry from the grave”

(At this point, the class cannot contain their laughter.)

Teacher: “Yeah, that sounds about right.”