Survivor: Island of the Idols has arrived! Every week, Parade.com’s Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off of the island.

By the time Missy Byrd came to Fiji, she had taken life by the reins. After an unbelievable series of events over the past few years, including losing her father and developing a brain tumor, she was ready to hit the island like she only lived once. “I like to be in charge,” she explained to me. “At the same time, I don’t want to be driving. I want some people that I want to manipulate. While they’re driving, I’m whispering sweet nothings in their ears.” Missy did just that throughout 27 days on Survivor, leading a series of powerful alliances. But it was one of those drivers, Karishma Patel, who went off-course and dropped Missy off right at Ponderosa.

Missy’s athleticism, amiability, and ability to mobilize had her flying through the pre-swap phase. Not only was she part of a women’s alliance on Lairo, but she also fostered a tight bond with Aaron Meredith. Despite the wrestling matches she would lose to Elaine Stott, she had little difficulty gaining a foothold. When it came time to take out Karishma, Missy elected to change plans and use her as a “back pocket” vote down the line. In her place, she suggested Chelsea Walker, and the IMDB employee’s name got added to Missy’s credits. The tribe swap brought a group of friendly new faces, namely Lauren Beck. Despite being on opposite sides, they still remained close, while Missy continuously eyed getting out Lauren’s closest ally Tommy Sheehan to become her sole lifeline.

Soon came the merge and with it a brand-new dimension to Missy’s game. She and Kellee Kim bonded over their shared discomfort towards Dan Spilo’s inappropriate touching. But she learned Kellee wanted to target her and began to doubt their conversation. She ultimately voted out Kellee, and despite being confronted by Janet Carbin, dismissed any notion of discomfort to Dan himself. Despite the ugliness that transpired, Missy found herself in a good place with close allies, but it all came crashing down on Day 27. Missy wanted to take advantage of the surprise tribe split to finally get out Tommy, hoping to cash in on Karishma as a reliable extra vote. But her personality clash with Karishma ultimately won out, as the attorney felt bossed around and unheard. At Tribal Council, Missy was completely stunned to see Aaron on the jury. She was even more stunned to find out she would be joining him, still in smiling shock as she hugged those who had just stabbed her in the back.

Now out of the game, Missy talks with Parade over email about her dynamic with Karishma, her optimal endgame plan, and her behaviors around the situation with Dan.

Talk to me about what was going through your head when that third Missy vote came through. Specifically, why did you tell Tommy you weren’t coming after him?

I was in shock after the votes were read. It was original Lairo and Tommy, so I thought he was the perfect bullseye. What wasn’t shown after the vote out was me talking to Tommy and fist-bumping him to congratulate him. He got me good.

You were shocked to see Aaron sitting on the jury when you came in. Did that change the way you approached Tribal Council or the vote at all?

I was heated. Aaron was my lifeline in the game, so seeing him over there really hurt. It was crazy watching it back and seeing my reaction. I knew that if a woman went home on their tribe, I would have to do Karishma. But if they sent a man, it would be the perfect storm to send Tommy.

Speaking of that Tribal Council, you and Karishma butted heads considerably, to the point where she called you a bully. Talk to me about your dynamic from that afternoon, and why you responded the way you did to her accusation of bullying.

It’s weird with K. I told her all throughout the game that I was working with her. When she needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to keep her warm, even though it’s not shown, I was there.

I realize from this experience I have an intense personality. Watching myself back and hearing how my tone came across in a heated exchange, I can learn moving forward. Karishma and I have talked it all out, I love and appreciate her.

Both of you spoke this episode about how you had a difficult time seeing eye to eye throughout the game, yet you kept her around for a vote. What was your relationship like from your time at original Lairo through the merge?

Karishma and I were in an alliance. It was called “BOT,” Bench of Trust. We would sneak away and have conversations on a piece of bamboo by the water. I would tell her that, in front of the tribe, we can not be friends. We will be targeted. Survivor is such a hard game, though. If you stop checking in, people can believe that you really are not aligned with them.

Speaking of Karishma, you elected to get rid of your close ally Chelsea over her or another outsider like Dean. What made you feel like you had to cut her so early on in the game?

Chels wasn’t really a close ally. She was in our alliance, but she was more of a number. From my perspective, she didn’t have a super close alliance other than Dean. Ultimately, the entire tribe other than Dean sent her home.

Two former Lairos who you maintained being close with were Elizabeth and Aaron. Talk to me about your relationships with them, and whether your end game plan involved them.

I love them to death. Elizabeth definitely was placed further in my long game. I felt I could trust and depend on her. It’s funny. I actually wanted to do an Underwood necklace situation because I couldn’t think of a way to vote her out without getting backlash for sending home my closest ally. In real life, Elizabeth is a great, loving person, and I’m glad to call her my friend.

Aaron, on the other hand, I wanted the honor of taking out myself. I am honestly still devastated the other tribe got to do it for me. He is the worthiest competitor I have ever met. Aaron was a great shield for me, and I was hoping that the tribe would assume that he was in charge of all my hits. I thought that I was doing a better job of hiding my strategy than I was. Aaron is my big bro. Let the record show he got voted out before I did.

Lauren was another person you connected with once you swapped over to Vokai. Talk to me about your relationship across tribal lines, and what made you so adamant about taking Tommy away from her.

I have loved Lauren since the moment I saw her. I knew I wanted to play with her. Seeing her immediately at the swap and how she was with Tommy, I knew I needed to end it. In the same way I would be lost without Elizabeth, she needed Tommy. It was simple enough to me; take out Tommy and Lauren becomes dépendent on me instead.

Let’s get into the events of the merge. You and Kellee commiserate over Dan’s inappropriate handsiness. Can you talk about your feelings towards Dan then, and the connection you initially fostered with Kellee?

My conversation with Kellee on the beach was a sincere one. I felt very comfortable with Kellee. Immediately after our conversation, I am told by Lauren that Kellee actually wants to vote me out. I was shook. I honestly had no idea.

I did not realize the extent of the situation with Kellee and Dan. I did not connect our production meeting to Kellee and dan either. I was very much in game mode and focused on the upcoming challenge. I felt as though production was checking in with us individually. They told us to be mindful of others, and then I was back in the game, ready for the challenge.

So how did the target end up being turned onto Kellee?

I had no idea that Kellee was spoken to by production in an unprecedented Survivor scene. That was news to me as I was watching it all play back. I had no idea that Dan had been issued a warning. The information I did have was that Kellee is uncomfortable with Dan, and Kellee wants me to go home. My thought process was to make Kellee want someone else to go home more than she wants me to go.

After your conversation with Kellee, you then went to Elizabeth and urged her to play up how uncomfortable she is with Dan to Janet and Kellee, saying, “That’s our only play.” Can you elaborate on your intention behind that?

This situation was highly emotional because we were in game mode. It came down to a bad game of telephone, and in no way did I fully understand the severity of Dan’s behavior. I thought to myself many times that if Dan’s behavior was indeed so horrible, why was he still in the game? I felt safe due to being filmed 24/7 and had no reason to think otherwise. Again, I did not know about Kellee’s or Dan’s personal talks with production.

What was your reaction in watching everything from all sides last week, particularly after Kellee’s blindside when you and Elizabeth deny to Dan you ever felt uncomfortable?

In watching the show back, I want to apologize for using such a serious topic as gameplay. If I would have known the extent of the situation, I would not have engaged in the way that I did. I am deeply sorry for my part in any pain felt by viewers and anyone who has dealt with sexual assault. I can only take this as a learning experience. Thank you all for the love and understanding.

You were one of the most game-focused players this season, to the point where you accused the others of being there for a vacation. What made you so hyper-focused on strategy, and how did you try to balance that with the very real emotions going on the island?

Great question, honestly. Watching the game back has been to wild for me. I can see how “in it” I was and just how badly I wanted to win. This was a lifelong dream of mine, and I feel like I take these big life moments more serious after the brain tumor. I just really wanted to prove to myself I could win.

At Tribal Council, you spoke up about the notability of you and Aaron both winning immunity and how representation matters. In the preseason, we also talked about how you wanted to make it a point to show the complexity of African-American women to the viewing audience. How do you feel reflecting back on Survivor with that lens?

What a dream to win the necklace with Aaron. I will never forget how proud it made us both. Representation matters because kids need to know that there are opportunities for them and the people that look like them. And if I have lost any fans through this process, it’s even more motivation for the next generation to do it but do it better than I did!