MESA, AZ—Saying that the putrefying meat just wasn’t sitting right, a local vulture was reportedly feeling nauseous after eating some bad rotting deer carcass, sources confirmed Thursday. “Oh God, I think that festering carrion I pushed down my gullet earlier might’ve been a little off,” said the visibly pained scavenger bird, recalling that the fetid decomposing flesh had been sitting out in the sun for a few days. “Or maybe it was just something with this particular infestation of maggots. It’s hard to tell what exactly the culprit is sometimes. Ugh, I think I’m gonna be sick.” At press time, the retching vulture had never felt so miserable in its life and vowed to be more careful in the future when selecting a decaying pile of muscle, skin, and feces-filled entrails.

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