You know what annoys me on an annual basis?

Holiday creep. AKA Christmas creep. (Festivus creep?)

Hanukkah moves around on its own relative to the Gregorian calendar each year so I’m fuzzier on its creep capacity.

Anyway, with winter holiday music and paraphernalia hitting airwaves and stores and homes and lawns earlier (it seems, but also my sense of time has become super warped since Trump took office) each year, we’re also confronted with the earlier advent of another essential seasonal tradition.

I mean, you can’t have Christmas creep without War on Christmas creep.

Time of the Season : Because Republican lawmakers in Wisconsin must lie awake at night thinking of ways to annoy their Democratic governor, the latest controversy in the Badger State is centered on what to call the capitol’s seasonal tree.

Last week, Gov. Evers announced this year’s tree theme—“Celebrate Science”—and asked kids to submit science-themed ornaments for bedecking purposes.

In his announcement, Evers referred to the seasonal evergreen as a “holiday tree.”

Cue the histrionics.

Scott Walker, who is extremely not governor any more and apparently has too much time on his hands, took to Twitter and TV to denounce the “renaming” of the tree from “Christmas tree” to “holiday tree” ... … conveniently neglecting to mention the fact that Walker himself rechristened the tree in 2011. Before then-Gov. Walker decreed the evergreen a “Christmas tree,” it had been called a holiday tree for 25 years.



But forget about the loser who doesn't matter.

Current GOP Assembly and Senate leaders jumped on this chance to publicly take a dump on Evers because of something as hugely consequential as what to call a tree that’s going to be around for a whole two months. And because what to call a freaking tree is SO IMPORTANT, Republicans decided to spend a full 33 minutes and 44 seconds this week on a resolution changing the name of the 2019 Holiday Tree to the Wisconsin State Christmas Tree.

The time spent on NAMING A TREE dwarfs the time GOP lawmakers spent last week considering gun safety legislation in a special session to do just that called by Evers. The thing is, the legislature has to convene when a governor calls a special session. But it doesn’t have to actually do anything. Which is why Republican lawmakers gaveled in the special session and then gaveled it out about 15 seconds later without, obviously, considering a single gun safety measure. Never mind that 80% of Wisconsinites support expanded background checks for firearm sales—including almost 70% of gun owners.



Because everyone knows that guns don’t kill people. Holiday trees kill people.