I wonder what the Daily Telegraph will put on the front page tomorrow. Most likely is a letter urging us to vote for David Cameron, signed by 500 cartoon characters. The Road Runner will write to say his name was added on without his permission, but they’ll ignore that.

This would be more logical than the claim by Boris Johnson, in response to Labour’s proposals to stop landlords raising rents above inflation, that the policy would “destroy a city faster than any bomb”.

Hollywood should take note of this, and make a new Godzilla film. Instead of wrecking Tokyo by stomping across buildings, the monster passes a law to stop landlords raising rents above inflation, and everyone in the city runs screaming and jumping into sewers.

One little-known city that already has rent controls along the lines suggested by Labour is New York. I suppose they must have brought them in on 10 September 2001, and that’s what caused all the trouble.

Boris Johnson’s comments complement the retort to another Labour proposal, to buy disused land and build houses on it. A measured Daily Mail headline described this as “Miliband the land-grabber’s Stalinist plan”. It went on to explain how this was exactly the sort of thing that happened in Soviet Russia. Stalin did indeed take over the peasants’ land, killing about 10 million people in the process, so if Ed Miliband is planning something similar, it’s surprising this hasn’t been more of an issue. You’d think it would have cropped up in the leaders’ debate, with someone asking “Mr Miliband, though I agree with your views on the NHS, I’m troubled by your plans to murder 10 million people to seize their land. Could you reassure me as to why this is necessary?”

Someone else with a keen eye on history was Theresa May, who pointed out that if Labour and the SNP win a majority of seats, this will create: “The worst constitutional crisis since the abdication of the king.”

General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies Show all 36 1 /36 General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 4 May: Milibrand part 2 Russell Brand dramatically unveiled the second part of his interview with Ed Miliband, in which he agreed with the leader and then called on his YouTube viewers to vote Labour. David Cameron had described him as a "joke" who previously advocated not voting - but with Brand commanding more than a million YouTube subscribers that may come back to haunt the Tories. General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 3 May: #EdStone Labour leader Ed Miliband unveiled Labour's pledges carved into a stone plinth in Hastings. He said it showed his commitment to keep promises - but many mocked the "risible" stunt and said it would be the "tombstone" for Labour's election hopes. PA General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 2 May: Ukip candidate suspended A Ukip candidate who described himself as “unapologetically politically incorrect pro-British” was suspended after suggesting Shadow Minister Luciana Berger had split loyalties because she is Jewish. In one Twitter message Jack Sen, standing in West Lancashire, said: “Protect child benefits? If you had it your way you'd send the £ to Poland/ Israel.” Twitter/@jacksenukip General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 1 May: 'It's all about my career... I mean country' Labour jumped on another David Cameron gaffe after the PM said on the campaign trail that the election was a “career defining” moment when he meant to say “country defining”. Ed Miliband's party pounced, saying the remarks were proof Mr Cameron “puts his career before the country”. “It’s all about Dave,” the party tweeted. PA General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 30 April: The Sun has got two hats on The Sun revealed who it was supporting in the election - both the Tories and, in Scotland, the SNP. While the UK edition of the newspaper called on the British public to vote Conservative so as to "stop [the] SNP running the country", The Scottish Sun announced its support for Nicola Sturgeon's party saying it will "fight harder for Scotland's interests at Westminster". General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 29 April: Complacent Conservative? Tory Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith failed to turn up to hustings in his own constituency following a 'late change in his schedule'. Wags observed that it was ironic given the minister has ramped up monetary sanctions against people who do not attend job interviews or JobCentre meetings. 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Paul McErlane/Getty Images General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 26 April: The Ed and Boris bust-up In what was widely hailed as the best bit of election TV so far, Ed Miliband and Boris Johnson clashed head-to-head in angry scenes live on the Andrew Marr Show, forcing their usually genial host to intervene and tell the pair of them to "shut up". The increasingly animated London Mayor repeated personal attacks over Mr Miliband 'stabbing his brother in the back', while the Labour leader got in some jibes of his own about Mr Johnson's Eton education. Reuters General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 25 April: Political football David Cameron’s football-loving credentials received a kicking at a campaign event in Croydon after he suggested to the audience he supported West Ham- despite previously claiming he was a huge Aston Villa fan. When asked about his sudden change in loyalty, Cameron later said he was still a Villa fan and blamed the slip up on a 'brain fade'. PA General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 24 April: Migrant crisis made political Ed Miliband was branded 'shameful' by Downing Street after he said David Cameron was partly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of migrants in the Mediterranean. The Labour leader said the Prime Minister’s role in creating instability in Libya had contributed to thousands of north Africans drowning in the Mediterranean as they try to flee the crisis. A senior Tory called the comments 'deeply provocative' Getty Images General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 23 April: IFS accusations Voters are being kept 'in the dark' by all the main parties over future spending cuts and tax rises, the influential Institute for Fiscal studies said. A detailed study of the party manifestos by the think-tank concluded that none of the Lib Dems, Labour, the Conservatives or SNP had provided "anything like full details" on plans to cut the deficit over the next five-year Parliament. Getty General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 22 April: The not-so-Green Party A group of leading scientists and campaigners rounded on the Green Party, accusing it of turning its back on its main mission by largely ignoring the crucial issue of climate change in the run-up to the general election. Critics said that although the Green Party manifesto contains plenty of references to policies on global warming, the party was 'grievously at fault' for leaving the subject largely unspoken in campaigning by the party and its leader, Natalie Bennett. Getty Images General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 21 April: Wikipedia edits Tory party chairman Grant Shapps was accused of editing the Wikipedia pages of his Conservative rivals and allegedly changing his own page to delete embarrassing references to his past. A Wikipedia administrator reported and suspended an account called 'Contribsx' on suspicion it was being used by Mr Shapps or 'someone acting on his behalf'. Getty Images General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 20 April: Dodgy Tory donors? The Conservatives were forced to return more than £50,000 in donations from a businesswoman whose husband was convicted of tax fraud in the US. Beatrice Tollman, who donated £20,000 as recently as early April, was herself charged with conspiracy to evade millions of dollars’ worth of tax in the US, charges that were dismissed by a judge in 2008 General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 19 April: Miliband a hit among the hens Ed Miliband was described as "the stripper" by a group of women on a hen party in Chester after they spotted the parked-up Labour battle bus. But not everyone saw it as statesmanlike behaviour, some saying it was 'cringe-worthy' and others reporting he looked 'absolutely terrified' YouTube/Chester Chronicle General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 18 April: DUP on gay marriage A right-wing Democratic Unionist Party of Northern Ireland politician thanked Nick Clegg for 'reminding' voters that they are seeking to abolish same-sex marriage. After the Lib Dems set up a satirical website accusing the DUP of wanting to 'reject gay rights', North Belfast MP Nigel Dodds said he was grateful to Mr Clegg 'for reminding people of the pivotal role the DUP can play' Joe Raedle/Getty Images General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 17 April: Labour 'metaphors' A Labour candidate was forced to apologise for “getting carried away with colourful metaphors” after making a joke about being caught in a threesome with Ed Miliband and a goat. Clive Lewis, a former reporter for BBC Look East who is now standing in Norwich South, said "anything could happen" when asked if he could be beaten by the Greens. After the Miliband example caused a bit of a backlash he added: "If anyone was genuinely offended then I'm sincerely sorry for that." Rex General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 16 April: Ukip candidate calls Islam 'evil cult' A Ukip candidate standing for Parliament faced being sacked by the party after describing Islam as an “evil cult”. Stephen Latham, who is fighting the West Bromwich East seat, made the remarks in a Facebook post. He later said: "I wouldn’t have meant it about Islam itself. It would have been about the people causing problems." General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 15 April: Labour candidate 'forgets manifesto' A video emerged of a Labour candidate suffering a terrifically awkward 'brain fade' and failing to name her party’s key policies. During an interview with local website The Chiswick Calendar, Ruth Cadbury (running for Brentford and Isleworth) froze: "Um… I can’t remember my key… I do need to check… I’m reading them every day... er… sorry… Labour’s key policies..." The Chiswick Calendar General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 14 April: Tory candidate 'wristbands' There were calls and a petition for the Conservative parliamentary candidate for Cambridge to stand down, after she said that mental health patients could wear colour-coded wristbands to identify their conditions. Chamali Fernando was accused of showing 'prejudice' and 'remind[ing] us how far we have to go' by mental health campaigners Twitter/Richard Taylor General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 13 April: Smarter than a 10-year-old? Former PR man David Cameron is used to spinning his way out of trouble against the most challenging interviewers - yet came completely unstuck on a visit to a primary school for Newsround. With his guard down, 10-year-old Reema asked: 'If you could pick one politician apart from yourself to win who would it be and why?' Cameron said it was the 'best' question he'd had so far on the campaign, um-ed, ah-ed and failed to give a clear answer. Getty Images General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 9 April: Ukip's porn star candidate A mini-scandal surrounded Ukip's Bristol branch when it emerged the vice chair had an unusual second job as a veteran porn star. The party insisted it was happy to support candidates regardless of what they did in their spare time, adding proudly that 'no other party' would have taken John Langley - aka 'Johnny Rockard'. General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 8 April: Ed Balls on non-doms No sooner had Ed Miliband announced a popular Labour policy to scrap the non-dom tax status, a video emerged of Ed Balls explaining how such a move would end up costing Britain more. General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 5 April: Tories taking care of business (owners) In an interview with this newspaper Danny Alexander, the Chief Secretary to the Treasury, revealed that a senior Conservative minister told a Liberal Democrat cabinet colleague: 'You take care of the workers and we’ll take care of the bosses' in a private Whitehall meeting to discuss the Coalition Government’s priorities. Getty General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 3 April: Nicola Sturgeon 'memo' Nicola Sturgeon was forced to deny telling the French ambassador she wanted the Tories to win the election in May in preference to Labour, after a 'memo' to that effect was leaked to the Telegraph. PA General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 2 April: Nigel Farage on HIV UKIP leader Nigel Farage sparked controversy during the ITV Leader's Debate 2015 for saying that immigrants who were HIV positive should not be able to enter the country and use the NHS for free. Ken McKay/ITV via Getty Images General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 29 March: Labour mugs Senior Labour MP Diane Abbott was among those who led a backlash against a mug being sold by the party celebrating its new commitment to a tough immigration system. General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 23 March: Ukip's Atkinson expelled Janice Atkinson, an MEP and once one of Ukip's most senior figures, was expelled after she was found to have brought the party into disrepute. Ms Atkinson’s chief of staff was secretly recorded appearing to ask the manager of a restaurant in Margate to more than treble the £950 cost of a meal before Ukip’s spring conference. Nigel Farage later said the claims 'couldn't look worse'. Chris Radburn/PA Wire General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 8 January: 'Meet the Ukippers' Ukip councillor Rozanne Duncan was expelled from the party for saying she had a problem with black people because there was 'something about their faces' during filming for the BBC documentary 'Meet the Ukippers' BBC General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 20 November: Emily Thornberry and the white van Labour front bench MP Emily Thornberry was forced to resign after tweeted a photo of a house in Rochester adorned with three England flags and a white van out the front, which saw her accused of holding working class voters in 'contempt'. PA General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 22 October: Ukip Calypso The former BBC Radio 1 DJ Mike Read was forced to apologise for "unintentionally causing offence" with his song Ukip Calypso and asked his record company to withdraw it. The song, which the Surrey-born disc jockey sang in a mock Jamaican accent, had been branded “racist”. PA General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 7 October: Forgetful Boris During his Ask Boris show on LBC prior to the Clacton by-election last year, the London Mayor was asked by Nick Ferrari who the Tory candidate was. Boris replied: "We've got a fantastic guy called - oh he’s brilliant… I don’t know... he is superb man .. Stirling? Girling? Something like that… what’s he called? You tell me." It was Giles Watling, Boris. PA/Getty General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 18 August: Janice Atkinson The senior Ukip MEP was forced to apologise after she was recorded by BBC South East Today describing a Thai constituent as 'a Ting Tong from somewhere'. It wasn't enough to see her disowned by the party - that came later when she was caught in a newspaper sting relating to expenses Facebook/Maria Pizzey General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 16 May (2014): Nigel Farage on LBC Nigel Farage's car-crash performance on LBC was one of his worst in recent years, and culminated in him saying he would be 'uncomfortable' with a Romanian family moving in next door. The gaffe later saw Ukip take out a full-page newspaper advert insisting it was not a racist party. General election 2015: The worst gaffes and controversies 20 March (2014): 'Patronising' Grant Shapps Grant Shapps, the Conservative chairman, came under pressure from across the political spectrum after a 'patronising' tweet in which he suggested Budget measures to halve bingo tax and cut the price of beer by 1p would 'help hardworking people do more of the things they enjoy' Getty

This means it would be worse than the Second World War, so I, for one, have already built a shelter at the bottom of the garden to hide in whenever the siren warns us that Nicola Sturgeon has been spotted by the RAF on her nightly raid over the border.

As an example of how evil she is, one newspaper revealed with fury this week that while the NHS struggles, she “opened a new hospital in Glasgow, with a HELIPAD and PRIVATE CINEMA”. What a nerve, to provide somewhere for the air ambulance to land, rather than save money by making it land in the cardiac unit, while cheerful porters call out “be careful not to slice through the saline drips with those propellers”.

But the hysteria isn’t random. There’s a theme, which is that any attempt to redress growing inequality, or to curtail excessive profits, will make the poor poorer. The explanation for why this happens is in the first place anyone would look, the history of the English Civil War.

Because during the reign of Oliver Cromwell there were a series of debates, about how to organise a system governed by parliament rather than a king. A radical group, the Levellers, suggested that all men should have the vote, even if they owned no property. Cromwell’s man replied this would be disastrous, “because if men with no property have the vote, they will simply vote to take property off those that already have it”.

That’s similar to the problem the Conservatives face now. How does the wealthy lawyer, the bankers who caused the mess but somehow became even richer, the investors who made millions buying Royal Mail, the tax dodgers and those that revelled in the top-rate tax cut, persuade the majority to vote to be clobbered even more?

One answer is to terrify them that if you try to stop rents being raised by more than inflation, you’ll make them go up even more and destroy the city. If you pledge to raise the minimum wage or reduce zero-hour contracts, you’ll just make those people poorer. The logic is that the best way to help the low paid is to force them to work for nothing, and sign up to a less than zero-hours contract, rather than cripple business with a whole zero.

Then, as long as they rip up their floorboards and send them as a present to the major shareholder of their choice, they’ll soon be rolling in it.

The Tories have to convince people that they will only be worse off if they attempt to improve their conditions at the expense of the wealthy. So Labour promises to abolish stamp duty for first-time buyers, and Tory MPs make statements such as: “This will simply result in Miliband torturing your pets.”

In any case, you shouldn’t be expected to pay for people who can’t sort themselves out. So they appeal to the side of someone that says: “Why should I pay for higher education when I don’t go to university? You pay if you want to learn stuff. And why should I pay for the fire brigade, I’m not on fire. And why should I pay for care homes? Pay for them yourself if you want to spend all day dribbling and laying face down in a bowl of cold soup.”

Then if a party suggests this is a little selfish and we should cherish what makes us a community, it’s because they’re trying to steal your money to spend on a helipad. But luckily, neutral characters such as Rupert Murdoch, with no interest in whether a government acts in the interest of the rich or not, kindly use their newspapers to explain the issues out of public duty.

You may believe Labour’s response to this has been half-hearted, or that they wouldn’t correct much of the damage. But a Conservative victory would mean the country has voted to endorse all this, and swallowed the shrieking cultivation of fear.