Vegan

Ok. Sometimes fried food can blow out your O ring. This happens when particular groups of patriots imbibe both Budweiser and local fast food delicacies like taco bell or white castle. The scientific terminology is “Bud Mud”. When you do it right though, it can slide through your system unwavering and determined to reach the other side. Like hamsters in the west village. This recipe is the kind that needs no lubrication. After all, vegan recipes are great for your colon. Whats good for your colon is good for your asshole. And i mean literal asshole , not your shitty toddler tearing down signs at Starbucks while you have “mommy time”.

So heat up a vat of oil and lets get weird………..

Ingredients

2 large onions

Corn or Vegetable Oil (I used corn, It added alot of flavor)

1 1/4 cups white flour

1/3 cup cornstarch

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon pepper

1 teaspoon onion powder

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 1/2 cups ice cold water plus extra to adjust batter.

Directions

Cut up and onion into 1/4 inch thick rings. Soak them in ice cold water for about ten minutes.

Heat up your 2 inches oil in a pot. If you’re using corn oil be careful to not overheat it. Unless you like drawing your eyebrows on every morning. So if you work in a nail salon or you happen to be a chola then by all means. But otherwise use a frying thermometer at 360 OR do what I do and heat the oil on medium for about 5-8 minutes and drop a little batter in. If it fries up crisp you’re good to go. FTW and YOLO.

While your rings are soaking and your oil is heating mix all your dry ingredients in a bowl. With a whisk add in the ice cold water. It should be a runny batter. If its thick add more of the water.

Now start dipping your rings into the batter and then gently place them in the hot oil. I used a fork to turn them after 3 minutes. Each side was a light golden brown with tattoos and a beard. In other words they were fucking sexy. And delicious.

This tempura batter can be used to fry just about anything. You’re move.

Recipe adapted from Rachel Ray