I'm not trying to sound like Chuck Norris.

But maybe it's time Oregon drivers stopped singing along with

on the radio and realized they're deputized to be traffic cops whenever justice demands it.

That's right. Oregon is the only state in the union that allows citizens

Oh, and if someone could clue in Portland police, Gordon Hillesland would appreciate it.

"I can't believe the ignorance about traffic laws that they don't regularly enforce," Hillesland said.

You see, like pretty much everyone, Hillesland is fed up with the rampant texting and driving out there. A few weeks ago, as he entered a tricky Y-intersection near Southeast Portland's Mount Tabor, a pickup blew through its red light. The woman behind the wheel was thumbing away on her cellphone, obviously lost in Xanadu.

After noting all of the information required by

– driver and vehicle details, plate number, location – Hillesland went home and called the city's non-emergency number to say he wanted to file a citizen citation. "What are you talking about?" they asked. He explained. They replied, Huh?. He pushed. Eventually, they sent a cop to his house.

"I opened the door and the officer told me, 'I can't help you,'" Hillesland said. "He said he could only take evidence for criminal activity."

He said he asked the officer, "Why are you here then?" The policeman said he didn't know. Hillesland gave up. "I figured it wasn't worth it," he said.

Hard Drive

Joseph Rose

covers commuting for The Oregonian and writes

.

Too bad the cop didn't take a few seconds to check the index at the back of his "Manual of Policy and Procedure." Boom! Page 463 is all about handling "citation issuance by private persons" in four easy steps.

Back in the late 1980s, Hillesland successfully used the law to ticket a driver whose dangerous lane-changing on U.S. 97 in Deschutes County nearly caused several head-on collisions. "But I get the feeling," Hillesland said, "that Portland police don't want anyone but them to write a ticket. But that's not the law."

Police officials told me there's a "lack of knowledge" about the law among officers because it's so rarely used. Also, "most officers would be lukewarm in encouraging this," said Traffic Division Capt. David Hendrie.

Hendrie questioned whether it's the best use of limited resources to pull a patrol officer off 9-1-1 duty to help file a citizen's traffic citation. Officers will likely also have to go to court on someone else's word, since they assisted with the ticket, he said.

The question is, should police officers be so indifferent about hardly-used laws they don't like?

Actually, in the infuriating age of distracted driving, user-friendly road justice has never been needed more. But local attorneys tell me that nearly every citizen-citation case they know of has run into a wall of ignorance and resistance by those charged with serving and protecting.

The law, by design, makes it difficult for people to pursue frivolous citations. For starters, it's huge time drain, requiring a trip to the police station to identify the offender from a lineup of DMV photos, a trip to the courthouse to take an oath and sign the ticket, and, finally, the day you spend in court facing the accused before a judge.

"Citizens need to be aware they are inheriting all the liability associated with the citation," Hendrie said.

Worries about people taking the law into their own hands are understandable. But this is peaceful, orderly vigilantism. What's more, it has the potential to teach reckless drivers a lesson before their bad habits lead to blood on the pavement.

If more drivers knew they could write their own ticket, maybe a few would do it rather than turning to road rage. Maybe.

I know: Not very

of me.

In 2009, The Oregonian put together this graphic showing how to file a citizen's traffic citation in five easy steps:

Of course, the law isn't just for drivers. And,

, you can even use it on behalf of someone else.

Regular Hard Drive source Ray Thomas, a Portland attorney specializing in bicycle and pedestrian cases, has created

.

Oh, and here's the wording of page 463 of the Portland Police Bureau's "Manual of Policy and Procedure":

Citation Issuance by Private Persons (860.10)

ORS 153.058 allows private persons the right to commence citation issuance proceedings in traffic matters. When a private person is adamant about issuing a Z-Cite to another person and has the information necessary to identify both the offender and his/her vehicle, members will:

a. Complete a Special Report stating the allegation, the offending vehicle, the names and vital identifying information of all involved parties, as well as their statement. In some cases, members may conduct brief investigations to determine the name of the alleged violator.

b. Complete a Z-Cite, leaving the court time appearance, date and signature spaces blank.

c. Direct the complaining person to appear at the Circuit Court Clerk's Office Traffic Department, Multnomah County Courthouse, 7 to 14 days after the date of investigation in order to swear to, and sign the Z-Cite.

d. Send all copies of the Z-Cite, along with a copy of the Special Report of the incident, to the Circuit Court Clerk's Office Traffic Department.

Never dial 9-1-1. Use the non-emergency number for the city of the offense.

Non-emergency numbers in the Portland area:

Clark County, call 360-696-4461.

Clackamas County, call 503-655-8211.

Lake Oswego or West Linn, call 503-635-0238

Milwaukie, call 503-786-7500.

Columbia County, call 503-397-1521.

Multnomah County, call 503-823-3333. For more information, visit

Washington County, call 503-629-0111.

Yamhill County, call 503-434-6500.

In Newberg or east Yamhill County, call 503-538-8321.

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