Every week, I’m going to rank the players based on their impact in the episode. These rankings are going to be completely subjective (so please don’t spend too much time critiquing them) based on my feelings of how entertaining the characters were, how they did competitively/politically, and how the episode impacted their overall game.

I’m going to keep running totals to determine who has the best season on War of the Worlds 2. The winner of this prestigious championship will be awarded the grand prize of nothing.

Let’s get to it.

RANKINGS

21. Jenny- Although Jenny helped the UK girls win their portion of the mission, we didn’t see anything from her in the house.

20. Kayleigh- Another person who has been underedited this season, Kayleigh pretty much exists right now just to be Kam’s sidekick and vote how Rogan tells her.

19. Joss- Joss just hasn’t been developed into anything more than Rogan’s friend this season.

18. Dee- Not the best look for Dee to completely gas out and have to go to the hospital after swimming some laps in the pool. Although she had a solid season on War of the Worlds, Dee is arguably the least proven competitor on her team, at least alongside Kayleigh (but Kayleigh won three eliminations on Final Reckoning).

While she should have the numbers protecting her if UK loses next week, Dee is likely going to have to go in and prove herself at some point this season.

17. Zach- A quiet episode from Zach.

Zach is now the only person on the US team who I really don’t where he stands. He’s friends with Jordan and Tori, but they are clearly a sinking ship at this point. I don’t know where he stands in Cara and Paulie’s alliance over Turbo, but I’d assume he’s only 100 percent over Josh and Jordan at this point.

It would be smart of Zach to weasel his way into Paulie and Cara’s alliance right now and suck up to them. Paulie really doesn’t have a number one guy on Team US (maybe it’s Turbo?) but Zach could at least be his number two or three along with Leroy.

But even though it would be smart for Zach, I don’t see him ever bending the knee to Para.

16. Ninja- She got to be in the tribunal this week, and ultimately was on the right side of the vote to send Theo in. Why isn’t she higher in the rankings, since she had some power?

Because she’s Ninja.

15. Nany- It’s hilarious that Nany is basically the Betty Ross to Turbo’s Bruce Banner at this point (minus the romance).

Whenever Turbo hulks out, Nany has to be the one to get him back to acceptable levels of sanity.

Nany continues to be in a lot of trouble on Team US. Maybe if they lose they’ll throw in Tori first since she and Cara have beef, but Nany’s been the worst girl on her team since Faith left, and sooner or later she’ll have to earn her spot on this super team.

14. Rogan- He continued to be the driving force of the UK deliberation table, and he had a hilarious scene getting out of the pool when CT and Zach gave him shit for stuffing his speedo.

13. Tori- I liked how she handled herself this episode against Cara Maria. Cara questioned why her and Jordan don’t sleep in the same room, and Tori retorted that she doesn’t judge Cara’s relationship, so she shouldn’t judge her’s (and the real answer is because Jordan and Tori are smart and want to have ears in both rooms).

She almost snapped on Cara during the fight between Jordan and Turbo, but she did a good job of keeping her composure and focusing on making sure Turbo didn’t murder her boyfriend.

12. Kam- We saw the return of Kamroy this week, which was honestly pretty shocking based on how icy they were at the reunion just weeks before filming this season.

But once people get in The Challenge house, they tend to seek comfort, which is what Kam and Leroy have with each other.

I don’t know what the extent of their relationship is in real life now (I’ve seen some pictures of them together, but as far as I know they aren’t together.)

Challenge relationships very rarely work outside of the house, but I’m happy for them to have mended their friendship at the very least.

11. Josh- Is it weird that I kind of like Josh at this point?

I’m definitely never going to be a full-fledged fan of the guy, but I like that he will at least go after Paulie. I loved when he told Paulie, “Your bank account don’t match up with mine,” a solid jab from the Big Brother 19 winner.

In the same argument, Paulie called him “Big Brother bitch.” Paulie, did you forget what show you came from? Work on your insults bro, good lord.

Now, a big reason Josh is so against Paulie is because he has the numbers, but at this point I’m pretty much rooting for anyone who’s not on Paulie’s side.

10–9. Para- I don’t know if I can deal with Paulie being the future of The Challenge.

He’s such a tool, but he’s not even an entertaining tool, like Jordan or Zach or Bananas, etc.

He’s the biggest fake tough guy I’ve ever seen. His tactic is to get as humanly possible to fighting someone without every really wanting to go through with it. He did it with Ash Cain at the reunion, and he did it this week with Theo.

And does he think getting in someone’s face to the point of almost kissing them is intimidating? The only thing hard about Paulie getting in Theo’s face was Paulie’s cock.

Also, Paulie told Theo he’d fuck his girl right in front of Cara. That could be a red flag for a guy with a history of cheating, I dunno.

I think Cara was a bit more reasonable than Paulie this week. It’s not right for Jordan to question Cara as a competitor after all she has accomplished, and she shouldn’t have to prove herself to anyone at this point.

Still, she tried to be cool like Turbo and say she wanted to go into an elimination with Tori, which she absolutely would never have gone through with.

Even though I can’t stand Paulie and I’m not a fan of this version of Cara, I have to give credit where credit is due. Paulie and Cara are essentially running two teams at this point.

That’s never really happened in the history of the show, so I have to acknowledge that what they are doing is unprecedented.

8. Idris- He went out in a blaze of glory.

We hadn’t heard from the Subtitle King in weeks, but he came out in full force for his swan song.

I counted nine times Idris was subtitled this episode. NINE.

At this point, I don’t know if the show was just trolling Idris with all the subtitles he gave him, or if he’s legitimately that hard to understand.

I tend to think they were trolling him. I mean the show usually tries to make it seem like an elimination is close and that anyone can win, but multiple confessions were shown making fun of Idris while he was trying to solve the puzzle.

But the Subtitle King got the send-off he deserved, and I appreciate the folks at BMP for seemingly catering specifically to me with Idris this episode.

7. CT- Another guy’s elimination where CT’s name didn’t get brought up.

And it’s for a good reason.

Team UK would be absolutely lost without CT. The fact that they’re even competitive in some challenges is because of him. They just don’t have anyone even close to on the same level as him as a leader, so they have had to keep him around.

I don’t know if that change now that Idris is gone. Joss and Rogan are calling the shots, and they’ll have to choose between CT and Theo if they lose again.

This might sound like a crazy question, but who would you rather have in a final between CT and Theo? Theo is obviously in way better shape than CT, and Theo has proven himself in puzzles, but I don’t think CT’s leadership can be overstated. Honestly if I’m Team UK, I’m keeping CT around because I think they fall apart without him.

I also loved this episode how CT consistently shit on Idris, despite Idris calling him a father figure.

CT compared Idris to Ted Bundy, said he got lost in the shipping container during the mission, and said Idris wasn’t going to figure out the puzzle because he was still trying to figure how he got into an elimination.

I hope CT doesn’t treat his own son like this.

6. Theo- He continues to show why he’s one of the best competitors on the show, demolishing the Subtitle King and picking up his third elimination win of the season, pushing his career mark to 4–0.

It was also fun seeing Theo rile Paulie up while he was shadowboxing, which happens to be the only way Paulie would ever throw hands.

When Paulie went in for a kiss during their fight, Theo said, “You want to get weird, well I can get even weirder.”

Honestly, I don’t think Theo could get weirder than Paulie even if he tried — who knows what that guy is into in the bedroom.

I’m continually dismayed at how Theo has not switched sides at this point. Like how does he think things are going to change for him, and why would you not go to the team that wins literally every mission?

It’s dumbfounding.

5. Georgia- Even in a week where Georgia basically had no impact in the story, she still ranks high for me for all the little things she did.

You know you have a good character when they make an impact on an episode even when they’re not involved in any storylines, which is what Georgia did this week and has done several times this season.

One of my favorite things of the episode was seeing her reaction during the Paulie and Theo fight.

She also dropped some great one-liners this episode. Some of my favorites:

“Idris seems to take [getting thrown into the elimination] sort of well, but secretly I think he’s imagining drowning us all in the pool.”

After Paulie told Georgia, “I’m trying to throw you in because I’m trying to fucking fuck you with eliminations,” Georgia replied, “Stop trying to fuck me.”

During the elimination, “Don’t worry Theo if you’re struggling with that final piece. By the looks of Idris, you have about a half hour to three hours to figure it out.”

And Georgia remains the queen of making hilarious faces during eliminations.

Was Georgia trying to move Theo’s puzzle pieces with her mind? Who does she think she is, Jean Grey?

4–3. Jordan and Turbo

I wanted to write about these two competitors together, because they are essentially two sides of the same coin.

Jordan believes he is the best. Not just the best competitor, but also the best person on the show. And there’s very few people who are good enough in his eyes. The list (from this season) is probably something like Tori, Laurel, Bananas and Zach.

This season alone, he has openly talked shit on Turbo (who won the hardest final of all time), Ninja (who was the best girl of War of the Worlds and was the only female to finish the final), and Cara (who is the all-time winningest female in eliminations, and has nine finals and three victories, counting Champs vs. Pros).

But since Jordan hasn’t seen them perform with his own two eyes, he doesn’t believe they are any good. Jordan doesn’t openly proclaim that he’s the best to everyone like Paulie (although he does it in confessionals), but he clearly carries himself like he is.

Turbo is not someone who brags about being the best, but he has immense pride in his abilities. He was not going to stand for Jordan questioning him, and was quick to challenge him to go into an elimination. He almost killed Joss over throwing a ball at him for christsakes, there’s no way he’s going to allow Jordan to openly disrespect him.

Jordan and Turbo are both extremely prideful men, which is why they’ll probably never get along.

There’s a couple of other things I wanted to mention with them this episode.

The first is what the hell is Jordan thinking wanting to turncoat to the UK side? Why would you risk losing an elimination to go to a team that hasn’t legitimately won yet?

It’s honestly the most Jordan type of move ever, and I can’t say I don’t want to see it, but I just don’t think it’s smart.

Finally, Turbo saying “You can not copy my walk” is my favorite catchphrase from the show since Nelson’s “We’re living in the 2018th century.” I’ll be using that phrase for the rest of my life.

2. Leroy- Is this the smartest political game Leroy has ever played? Are we finally seeing him figure out the game after all these years?

I don’t know if he’s doing it for political reasons or not, but getting cozy with Kam is a great move for him, as it helps bring him further into Cara’s Cult.

And he further solidified himself by voting with Ninja to send in Theo, rather than stay on Josh’s sinking ship.

He’s still making his decisions based on what he thinks is best for the team, so maybe it’s just a coincidence that he’s making all the right decisions, but Leroy has put himself in a great position on the US team.

1.Ashley- I just love Ashley.

It’s amazing how in just two seasons, she’s transformed herself from one of the biggest villains on the show to one of the biggest heroes.

Now, she is still conniving, but she does it in such a likable way. Her number one reason for starting the Turbo versus Jordan fight was that she was bored.

Who can’t respect that? Without Ashley, I wouldn’t have “You can not copy my walk” in my life.

It not only started a fun fight, but it brought Turbo in closer to Ashley’s side of the alliance. I always enjoy moves that make for both good drama and good gameplay, and that’s exactly what Ashley did.

Ashley also had the hilarious line when Paulie and Theo were fighting that it’s not right for security to break up true love.

And when she was talking about Jordan, she said that someone could walk on water and Jordan would say it’s because they couldn’t swim.

Ashley Mitchell is my favorite character of this season, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Stray Thoughts

I really enjoyed Under Siege. I can’t think of a mission in Challenge history that was even comparable to it, so points to production for coming up with such a unique idea. Now, the final round was probably a bit unfair, as the US had it tilted toward its side right before the UK was about to solve it, but I still really liked watching it.

The Break Free elimination was also fairly unique. It was somewhat reminiscent of Thick and Thin (played on Bloodlines between Cara/Jamie and Bananas/Vince), as in both eliminations the competitors had to break through a wall and solve a puzzle (Jamie and Vince had to break through with sledgehammers, not their feet).

This season has righted the ship with two great episodes in a row. I don’t know what it is about seasons where one team blows out the other (Gauntlet III, The Ruins) but they somehow always find a way to be dramatic.

Episode Grade: A

Season Standings

32. S̵e̵a̵n̵ (1)

31–30. F̵a̵i̵t̵h̵ ̵a̵n̵d̵ ̵Z̵a̵h̵i̵d̵a̵ (6)

29. B̵i̵g̵ ̵T̵ (32)

28. N̶i̶c̶o̶l̶e̶ (67)

27. W̵e̵s̵ (76)

26. L̶a̶u̶r̶e̶l̶ (97)

25. E̶s̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ (103)

24. Kayleigh (110)

23. Jenny (127)

22–21. Joss and B̶a̶n̶a̶n̶a̶s̶ (131)

20. Ninja (137)

19. Idris (138)

18. Kam (148)

17. Nany (149)

16. Turbo (155)

15. Cara (160)

14. Leroy (168)

13. Josh (169)

12. Zach (172)

11. Theo (173)

10. Paulie (174)

9. Tori (178)

8. B̶e̶a̶r̶ (181)

7. K̶y̶l̶e̶ (197)

6. Ashley (201)

5. Jordan (210)

4. Dee (213)

3. Rogan (225)

2. CT (227)

1.Georgia (233)