Understanding The Female Orgasm

Your 101 Guide To Female Climax - And How To Get Her There

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There are a few life skills we inevitably end up learning mostly through the process of trial and error — and bringing a woman to orgasm, unfortunately, falls under that umbrella. Understanding female pleasure is more of a hands on experience, not really a topic that's well poised to be taught in a classroom setting — though it would have made sex ed a whole lot more enjoyable.

But having to figure out what to do and how to get your partner there when you're already in the trenches, so to speak, can be problematic for a few reasons. For starters, talking about what is and isn't working while you've got someone working away on your private parts isn't exactly a scenario where women feel comfortable giving honest feedback. And even if you are getting her to the grand finale, the moves that get one woman to orgasm may not do the same for your next partner — and it can feel like you're back to square one trying to figure it all out again.

While the No. 1 way to bring your partner to orgasm should always involve a conversation about sexual consent focused on what she does and doesn't like (that doesn't take place mid-act), having some background knowledge on the inner workings behind the female orgasm is no doubt going to set you up for success — which is why we've created a handy guide to do just that. Read on for everything you need to know about understanding the female orgasm.

1. The Different Types Of Female Orgasms

Here's the thing: Female pleasure isn't a thing that's widely studied, there's still a lot that's unknown about the female orgasm. "While many women report that orgasm can be stimulated from different parts of the body (nipples, vagina alone, etc.) there actually is no physical evidence to support these experiences," explains Nicole Prause, PhD. "It does not mean that women fake these experiences, rather, there is some as-yet-unpublished data that many women identify orgasms that are not orgasms in the physiology sense." Don't worry, we're still going to cover nipple orgasms and the like. But be aware that we'll be talking about a few experiences that haven't been widely studied — just frequently reported.

Clitoral Orgasms

The most common type of orgasm women experience is one that's facilitated by stimulating the clit. "The clitoris has about 8,000 sensory nerve endings vs. the penis, which has about 4,000," explains Stacy Rybchin, founder of MySecretLuxury.com. "Indirect stimulation is also linked by the clitoris because the more you become aroused, the more sensitive and erect it becomes. Therefore, foreplay is very important for most women. Clitoral orgasms are usually sharp and short-lasting."

Carlee Ranger

What does indirect stimulation of the clitoris involve? "This includes stimulation of the labia, mons pubis and the area surrounding the clitoris," sex and relationship expert Dr. Kat Van Kirk explains. "This type of stimulation creates the same sensation of a direct clitoral orgasm, but women tend to have them more consistently as they don't feel overstimulated."

G-Spot Orgasms

You've probably heard people talk about a woman's G-spot — that super concentrated bed of nerve endings, tissues and organs inside a woman's vagina that, when stimulated the right way, brings a woman to orgasm. However, the majority of women don't achieve orgasm this way. "About 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, which means that penis-in-vagina sex doesn't work for most women," says Rybchin. "For a G-spot orgasm, many women need lots of time, arousal and pressure to stimulate the G-spot."

But if you've got your heart set on finding it, Dr. Van Kirk has a few rules of thumb for tracking it down. "This stimulation involves either a finger, sex toy or penis angled toward the upper vaginal wall about two inches in," she says. "It may involve fast and firm stimulation. This means that the head of the penis needs to stay more shallow. Certain positions, like rear entry, are more conducive to G-spot orgasms. All women have some secretion upon a G-spot orgasm. It just may not be noticeable. However, some secrete (or squirt) several tablespoons."

Nipple Orgasms

While there's no hard evidence that orgasm can be achieved through nipple stimulation, many women have reported experiencing them. "Nipple stimulation differs between people," says sexual health educator Kenna Cook, "with some loving strong grips and pinches and others only needing light fingertip touches to send goosebumps all over their bodies. When you are playing with the nipples, ears, and neck, you are touching a collection of nerve endings know as the erogenous zones."

Anal Orgasms

It makes sense that women would reach orgasm through anal stimulation, since the clitoral legs extend down around the anus. "Anal orgasms don't necessarily have to involve full penetration," says Dr. Van Kirk. "Often, anal play/oral (rimming) can elicit an orgasm as well. Internally, the stimulation may come through the G-spot stimulation or a sensitive area back near the cervix that shares a vaginal wall with the rectum."

Nocturnal Orgasms

As it turns out, women have their own versions of wet dreams. "They are basically mental orgasms that occur through dream content," Dr. Van Kirk explains. "Usually there is no touching involved — however, some women have woken up and realized they were masturbating while asleep."

2. How To Bring A Woman To Orgasm

Again, there's no step-by-step process that's going to work for every single woman. All vaginas are shaped slightly differently, so techniques and methods need to vary (and conversations need to be had) in order to get her there. However, here are a few rules of thumb to keep in mind.

RELATED: 6 Tricks And Tips To Help Her Orgasm Faster

Have A Pre-Coital Pep Talk

It's no new news that communication is key to sexual satisfaction, especially where orgasms are concerned. And while encouraging your woman to make her preferences known during the act can be sexy and help to heighten the experience, for some women, it can put the pressure on, making it even harder to reach orgasm. "Ask your partner what she likes," says licensed psychologist Dr. Rachel Needle. "Do this at another time rather than while engaging in sexual activity. Finding out what your partner enjoys is important as each individual is unique. What turns someone on is not universal, each individual has different sexual preferences and what feels good will be unique."

Warm Up Her Feet

The female anatomy has its quirks, especially when it comes to orgasm. Dutch scientists at the University of Groningen found that the odds of achieving female orgasm are increased by 30% when a woman's feet are warmed up. The more you know, right? Depending on how comfortable you are with your partner, a foot massage with warming lube or oil is one way to get her warmed up — and also relaxed before things get started. If you're still getting to know each other, getting under the covers to keep her feet warm can work just as well.

Multiple Site Stimulation Is Most Effective

"Stimulating one area at a time works for many," explains Dr. Howe. "For instance, clitoral stimulation is very commonly the only way some women orgasm — however it is more often than not necessary for women to have multiple areas be stimulated to bring them through plateau and on to orgasm. For example, stimulation of a nipple with one hand, while kissing the clitoris, and using a finger to stimulate the G-spot at the same time can often successfully bring enough nerve stimulation to result in orgasm quite easily for women. Some women are most easily brought to orgasm with penile stimulation due to the vaginal distention, G-spot stimulation, and clitoral stimulation."

Focus On Her Cues

"Everyone is 'wired' a little differently," says Dr. Van Kirk, "and while there may be similarities from one partner to another, you can't rely on that. Really focusing on her cues about what she is responding to will help you — and if this communication isn't clear, ask her."

Dr. Howe agrees. "Communication about what rate of movement, depth and force of touch, and areas most responsive to stimulation is critical to discover your partner's 'hot' spots. Feeling safe, cared for and desired are key to calming a women and helping to bring her to orgasm (prolactin is blocked by stress and anxiety from cortisol release from the adrenal glands and can prevent orgasm)."

Don't Skip The Foreplay

Foreplay is incredibly important when it comes to sex. "For many women, foreplay is necessary for pleasurable sex," says Rybchin. "On average, women need 10-40 minutes before they're fully aroused (blood flowing to the vulva) — the exact amount of time depends on factors like how stressed they are, what medicines they are on, where they are in your menstrual cycle, and more."

Not sure where to start? "Try massages, making out, handjobs, fingering and oral sex," says Rybchin. "Foreplay can also include reading erotica to each other, watching porn together, or even cuddling! Foreplay is a great way to connect with your partner and help you both get in the mood."

Choose Positions Best For Clitoral Stimulation

Carlee Ranger

"Women overwhelmingly report using clitoral stimulation, either alone or with vaginal stimulation, to reach orgasm during sex with a partner," says Prouse. "The best sexual positions to improve the likelihood of having this experience, then, are probably those that allow direct manual clitoral stimulation. For example, woman-superior seated positions (cowgirl or reverse cowgirl) or rear-entry (doggy style) both allow women to easily stimulate their own clitoris in a way they enjoy."

3. Recommended Products For Giving Her An Orgasm

PSA: No woman has ever dumped their partner for a vibrator. "Some men get intimidated by bringing sex toys into the bedroom," says Cook. "They need to let that fear go and see the sex toy as a tool, not a replacement." Here are a few suggestions for some handy helper products that will help bring your partner to orgasm.

A Good Lube

Just because she's not wet doesn't mean she's not turned on. In fact, Dr. Van Kirk says there are a ton of factors that can influence how much natural lubrication a woman is able to make, from medications to hormones and even stress. "Having some [lube] on hand is helpful," she says. "Dry friction is not pleasurable to most women." Not sure what type of lube she likes? Try this versatile water-based formula from Adam & Eve.

$12.44 at Amazon.com

Arousal Gel

"Made with all-natural cinnamon oil, these sexual stimulants help bring blood flow to the clitoris, kickstarting her arousal and natural lubrication process," says Rybchin. "All you need is a few drops on the clitoris, and in a few minutes the clitoris starts to tingle."

$10.95 at Amazon.com

A Magic Wand

While it operates the same way a vibrator does, the Magic Wand is designed to be used on her clit rather than inserted vaginally — which makes it a prime device to help her reach the big "O". "If you are looking for a great toy to help achieve orgasm, the Hitachi Magic Wand is heaven for external clitoral stimulation," says Cook.

$54.78 at Amazon.com

A Couple's Vibrator

We-Vibe's line of vibrators that focus on external stimulation are both ideal for pushing your woman over the edge. "We-Vibe Tango or Touch are both external vibrators and excellent toys to help stimulate the clitoris," says Rybchin. "The Tango has a nice tip that focuses just on the clitoris. Meanwhile, the Touch is better for broad stimulation of the vulva and also has a tip for pinpoint clitoral stimulation."

Touch: $55.87 at Amazon.com

Tango: $48.79 at Amazon.com

Butt Plugs

For anal stimulation that helps achieve orgasm, try an easy-to-use butt plug. "The Novice is a great vibrating plug for beginners," says Rybchin. "With its tapered design, it's easy to insert and comfortable to wear. Plus it comes with a remote control. The Triplet is for more advanced users and has three points of vibration: the base, the middle and the tip. Upon insertion of the anus, the motor on the tip stimulates the nerve endings at the entry of the anus and relaxes the nerve ending for easier insertion. When fully inserted, this sensitive area continues to feel vibration from the motor at the neck of the plug."

Novice: $144.00 at Amazon.com

Triplet: $140.00 at Amazon.com

An OMGYes Subscription

As they say, practice makes perfect. If you're looking for a virtual vulva to try these new tips out on, and want take a deep dive into a library of clips from real women explaining what gets them off and how to get them there, look no further than OMGYES. These folks are on a mission to incite more female orgasms everywhere and educate the masses on how to do so. Knowledge is power, am I right?

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4. How Female Orgasms Are Different From Male Orgasms

"Research indicates that men and women are actually more alike than different," Dr. Van Kirk explains. "Physiological responses like heart rate, blood pressure and breathing are strikingly similar. Both sexes describe the experience of orgasm with similar words. In fact, researchers couldn't tell any difference in descriptions. Both have orgasms via the pelvic floor muscles — men and women both have PC muscles (pubococcygeus) that wraps in a figure eight around the anus, and both release the 'bonding' hormone oxytocin and endorphins during orgasm."

Dr. Candace Howe, M.D., an OB/GYN at HM Medical agrees, and points out that the chemical responses in the male and female brain during orgasm are alike as well. "They are very similar from the brain, pituitary (part of the brain), nerve and chemical release perspective," Dr. Howe says. "The downstream effects of moisture production, pelvic floor muscular contractions are also thought to be very similar. The sexual response is felt to be similar with four stages — excitement/arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Having said this, this is not a perfect science and has been more recently debated from the Johnson and Johnson studies done in the '70s."

One key differentiator? The clean up factor. "However, there is a difference in the amount of fluid released — semen versus vaginal fluid," Dr. Van Kirk says. "Although some men can have dry orgasms and some women can ejaculate with G-spot stimulation."

Also, women have a leg up when it comes to orgasm length and frequency. "Women have more capacity for longer orgasms," says Dr. Van Kirk. "They do not have a refractory period like men where an orgasm or erection is not possible following ejaculation. Women are also more innately inclined towards multiple orgasms."

5. Real Orgasms vs. Fake Orgasms

As far as what a real orgasm looks like, the way it physically manifests varies from woman to woman. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, the real life sex researchers portrayed on the show Masters of Sex, studied the female orgasm extensively — which led to their discovery of the sexual response cycle. "The term 'sexual response cycle' describes the process women go through from arousal to orgasm and afterward," explains Dr. Steve McGough.

"During 'excitement,' heart rate and breathing increases, and increased blood flows to the vagina and vulva. Next is 'plateau,' where excitement is (or needs to be) maintained in a continued state until eventually there is enough stimulation for orgasm." When a woman is nearing orgasm, Dr. McGough says there are signifiers to be aware of.

"As they get close to orgasm women experience more muscular tension," he explains, "When they reach orgasm they’ll usually have a series of involuntary rhythmic contraction in their vagina, uterus and sometimes rectum. Some women will have noticeable shaking throughout their body. Many times women will have a reflex to grab hold of their partner or sheets on the bed and often arch their back as they are achieving orgasm."

So you've given your woman a real, back arching, sheet grabbing orgasm. What now? Dr. McGough advises against continuing stimulating her after she finishes. "After orgasm, there is often a hyper-sensitization of the glans of the clitoris and sometimes vulva and they don’t want continued stimulation of their clitoris for a little while," he explains. "This is called the refractory period, where many women need time to recover before they can have more stimulation."

Liz Klinger, sex expert and CEO of Lioness, says to keep calm after your partner orgasms in order to avoid putting pressure on her to do so in the future. "Don't get too excited and act like it's some huge achievement," she says. "If she's been having trouble having an orgasm consistently, that may put undue pressure on her to perform and have an orgasm next time."

What if you're pretty sure that her orgasm wasn't real, or aren't really clear on whether or not she had one? "As much as you might be curious about it, don't ask about it in the moment or right after a sexual encounter," says Klinger. "Have the conversation during a separate time when both of you are not stressed about something else." Also, don't take it personally. "Although it can feel like an ego blow, do not be upset if your partner has faked an orgasm (or multiple fake orgasms) — there may be a variety of reasons why she decided to fake an orgasm, some of which may not involve you at all."

When having this conversation, Klinger says to make sure you're not pushing orgasm as the end goal, framing it instead as finding out what feels good for your partner. "If she feels more comfortable and she can tell you what she finds pleasurable, she's more likely to have an orgasm, or at least enjoy the experience more," she says. "It may take some time for her to have an orgasm as she becomes more comfortable and/or starts feeling what works for her."

Women Who Can't Orgasm

One reason why women fake orgasms is because they have trouble reaching them. "80% of women have problems achieving orgasm during intercourse and 20% of those women can't orgasm at all," says sex expert Jacqui Olliver. "In many cases, these women will fake orgasms." As bad as you may feel about having a woman fake an orgasm, Olliver points out that your partner is likely feeling worse.

"For women who struggle to achieve orgasm, they're already feeling like they are failing as a human being and it's a super-sensitive subject," she says. "It's important to neutralize any resistance you have toward the situation before trying to initiate a conversation around it. Emotional resistance is rife in most relationships and prevents you from communicating clearly and openly. Stop trying not to feel nervous about having these conversations. Allow the discomfort of the emotional response and it will pass within seconds — and then you can communicate your concerns in a calm and thoughtful manner."

As far as how to approach the conversation with a woman who can't orgasm, Klinger says to use past positive experiences to help guide the conversation — and your efforts. "If your female partner tells you that she doesn't get off during sex, some good ways to respond are to talk about what has worked for her in the past, what she'd like to explore, and to have an open mind," she says.

RELATED: The 7 Sexual Positions Women Enjoy Most, Revealed

"Different things work for different people, and different people have different journeys for trying out new things, figuring out what works and when. If she needs to use a vibrator during foreplay or sex, try it. If she wants to try a fantasy she's interested in, try it. Worst thing is that it ends up being an okay experience. Best case is that you've found something new that you enjoy together!"

All illustrations by Carlee Ranger.

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