For Billy, Danny, and Dominic, the biggest issue wasn’t communication but scheduling, including negotiating their varying schedules. Billy, 21, met Dominic, 28, last summer, shortly before reconnecting with Danny, 23, an old love interest with whom he had lost contact. After scheduling a date with Danny, Billy called it off — confessing that he and Dominic were in a relationship. Danny proposed a solution: What about polyamory?



But the reality of that arrangement proved even more complicated in the early weeks of the relationship. “At that time I was working two jobs and was really busy and lived 40 minutes from Dom,” Billy said. “Danny lived even further away. I would get jealous because they would get to spend most of a weekend together, whereas I might only get to see them for one evening.”

To ease the burden of their differing schedules, Danny, Dom, and Billy recently decided to move in together, signing the lease for a two-bedroom last December. That extra room ended up coming in handy, simply because fitting three people in the same bed can be surprisingly difficult. “When we first moved in together we all shared one bed,” Billy said. “Dom is very broad because he’s always in the gym, so after a while we spread out over two rooms.” According to Billy, they try to trade off nights in the third bedroom to be equitable.

Billy explained that making time together has remained a challenge for their relationship. “We do have to plan things quite far in advance to make sure we can all get the time off,” he said.

According to Kari David, 28, the issue is that triads aren’t just a matter of coordinating three peoples’ calendars. You have to worry about three partners with potentially very different schedules.

“There's more logistical concerns: It really is a balancing of four relationships, not just one,” he said. “All four need time (although not necessarily equal time) and care, and that's a lot to schedule and keep track of. When it's going well, it can work really nicely, but it's definitely a bigger commitment.”

If relationships in general can be time-consuming, poly arrangements have the potential to be even more so. That’s why Kari David, who identifies as nonbinary and uses male pronouns, strongly advocates the use of Google Calendar to keep track of appointments. “It's necessary to be aware that you are going to want one-on-one time with each partner (and them with each other), in addition to the time all three of you spend together,” he said.