We all live in reality (well, most of us…), but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have a piece of a fairy tale hidden away in our heart. I never imagined that sharing my fairy tale would result in the apocalypse, but it almost did. If you are reading this then I will feel better knowing that I am not, in fact, responsible for the utter demise of the planet.

In my fairy tale, I fall in love with an imperfect man who is perfect for me, we combine our genetic forces and spend the next 18 years discovering all the wonderful and frustrating quirks of raising a younger version of ourselves.

In reality, I have 2 amazing children, so I certainly don’t feel like I need to have more kids. But when their father had me installing kitchen cabinets on a step ladder at 8 months pregnant, and was more interested in watching tv in the hospital than holding my hand through the next contraction, I began to wonder where the love was. It just went downhill from there… together we created 2 little people that were 50% him and 50% me, but by the time they were 2 and 4 years old, Mom and Dad were no longer husband and wife. Now, I raise them alone and everyone from their school teachers to Wal-mart cashiers tell me that they are both 100% mini-versions of me.

Logic remains: I have 2 kids. I am completely single. I work full-time with an extra acting gig on the side. Aaaaand… I’ll be 33 next week. Chances of me meeting Mr. Imperfect Perfect for Me are slim in any case, but even if I do he might have kids, be too old to want kids, or simply be unable to have kids (snip snip!)

Enough explanation for now. Here’s the part where I mistakenly share my fairy tale with a ticking time bomb. I had exchanged a few emails with a guy, age 35, no kids. Let’s call him Luke. He asked for my phone number and was trying to find time to meet me for a date, and in the meantime we got into a somewhat religious/philosophical discussion via text. Bad idea. Do NOT attempt conversations of any depth through text messaging.

Luke: Ok. So ask me something serious or tell me something and don’t hold back. :-)

We all know I’m pretty direct. It didn’t take me long to respond.

Me: Who or what is God? I want to have another baby. Luke: I can answer the god question but what is the deal with baby? Me: I asked you something serious and told you something without holding back. I want to have a child with the man I actually love. My kids are no less to me, but the experience of having/raising them was not what I hoped for. Luke: I see. I believe god is deep in u and u in him or her, does not matter. But bringing another soul into an overpopulated world full of pain and sadness is to me borderline selfish. U have 2 souls ur responsible for and that is very serious without bringing more into a dying planet. Me: What if souls come to earth regardless? At least I am a good mother. Luke: Ever been to a third world orphanage? Or a refugee camp? We don’t need more kids on this earth. Me: No, but I am sure it’s terrible. Luke: Not about u. Its about everyone. Me: Then you should be planning to adopt. Luke: I don’t know if u realize this but things are only going to get worse in the very near future. No food water Your children will have to deal with great consequence Of our parents mistakes Me: I am glad we had this conversation. I can’t be with someone who has a doomsday attitude. The world is what it is. I live my life for small moments of joy and contributing good in the ways I can. Goodnight Luke.

LANGUAGE WARNING: Proceed with caution. Multiple F-bombs ahead.

Luke: Ok. Well ges that’s it have a nice life. Thanks for attributing to my desire to fucking hate women. ;-) Me: Contributing. You are hateful because you choose to be. Don’t ask for honesty and openness and then be insulted when the truth doesn’t turn out the way you wanted. You are wasting your time with me. Find a cynic with no kids. Luke: Fuck u Sarah your fucking selfish for wanting more kids I would luv to care for your kids but I would b a selfish small minded shit if I thought making more actually meant something. U have zero concert of what ive seen. War, famine, slavery. So u want to treat me like a typical dude more power to ya but your wrong and for what its worth I still like u. I know u have a good heart. And im sorry. Goodbye I guess.

I understand his perspective. His opinion is valid, and I can see why my fairy tale upset someone who has traveled extensively and been a first-hand witness to so many suffering children around the world. Definitely adds another major reason to my logical reality of why I won’t have another child. But his overall outlook is definitely not something I want to adopt.

The next morning I awoke to the following email. (MAJOR LANGUAGE WARNING!)

Luke: Well, im sorry if i was insulting but the fact that your 32 years old and have 2 kids and then think its ok to have more in this world is fucking nuts to me. Kids are not fucking toys or an extension of yourself there just people, i am and was at a place to be open to a woman with kids but asking me to bring more into this fucking world is beyond selfish and if you dont see that fact is you have zero fuckin concept of what is going on out there. The rest of the world does not have running water and fuckin walmart on every corner. God fucking damn it i was actually really interested in meeting you!

But thanks i guess you have really made me finally realize how fuckin superficial and lost pretty much all American women are in their extreme , extreme , extreme, lack of understanding of the world around them. Your a fuckin teacher and do you even have any concept of the amount of global conflicts that are going on right now???? the insane amount of environmental degradation literally everywhere and the fact that Americans are fucking oblivious to anything outside of fuckin reality TV???

keep living in fucking dream land Sarah, one day its going to fucking bite you in the fucking ass. And your fucking kids are going to have to deal with shit you and i can’t even comprehend and all those stupid fucks who think making more kids is ok are responsible for there suffering.

There is so much I wanted to respond to here, but for someone that angry sometimes the sound of silence is worth more than the other side of the debate.

I’ve decided to live happily ever after with my 2 kids, and my adoring dog Gus.

If the world is about to end, we may as well go out with pumpkins full of candy.