PELEE ISLAND, ON – In accordance with the new rules mandated by the provincial government, Ontario’s wines will now be required to make a $1,000 donation to the Ontario PC Party to receive a Doug Ford approved VQA label.

The province made the move to prevent the blending of donations-for-endorsements from other regions and countries, and protect the distinct geographic areas of shady partisanship.

“Under the new regulations, this new VQA Chardonnay will be very unethical on the nose,” explained vintner Charles Legrand pouring a small sample into a glass. “On the palate, you can taste pears, peaches, and a possible Elections Ontario investigation.”

The wines will undergo rigorous testing of a party donation list to ensure that wineries have given a sufficient amount for Premier Doug Ford to promote their product on Ontario News Now.

“And, of course, all of the Premier approved wines will have an acidic finish on transparency,” added Legrande before pointing to the tears on the glass to indicate the alcohol content.

According to master sommeliers, wines endorsed by a Premier who doesn’t drink alcohol in the first place must be good.