Fair warning, industrious reader: You may want to request off from work now. CNN has carved out nearly eight full hours for a climate change town hall featuring a smattering of the gajillion still declared Democratic presidential candidates.

Scheduled for September 4, the event will run from 5 P.M. to midnight, when, presumably, viewers who tuned in for the entire spectacle will immediately commit felo de se. That makes Senator Cory Booker's face the last many doleful viewers will see before the fatal act. How fitting.

The event is called a "town hall," but it's not clear what town it refers to other than every habitable part of the planet. It's also, by definition, supposed to take place in a "hall," despite the venue likely being a televised proscenium-lighted up with enough pin spots to illuminate a hamlet year-round.

Let's see who the participants are. The Latino former Cabinet official who can't speak Spanish; the "math" guy who can only talk in industry-manual argot about automation; Senator Kamala Harris, whose poll numbers have slid precipitously downward since everyone found out she's a trimmer with no beliefs; the Irishman who sees racism everywhere despite affecting his own Hispanic heritage; that lady who regularly clouts her own staff; Joe Biden, who probably thinks the climate crisis was licked when he and Martin Luther King, Jr. and Martin Van Buren marched arm in arm against the Blood Tubs.

The Marxist twins — Grandpa Menshevik and schoolmarmish Warren — will also be on hand to remind us that for every Celsius degree the planet warms, a thousand rentiers must be euthanized.

That CNN is even hosting what is essentially a Democrat rally focused entirely on the Earth's changing clime is thanks to Washington governor Jay Inslee, whose entire presidential campaign was dedicated to raising awareness of what, we're told, is an existential threat to all human life. Governor Inslee, for all his effort, can now celebrate the CNN spotlight by watching from his La-Z-Boy in his living room. Maybe Al Gore has some extra space on his sofa for Inslee to park his behind at Gore's electricity-guzzling mansion.

How a CNN broadcast of liberal pols gassing about greenhouse gases will help cure the ozone layer is anyone's guess. The mere act of candidates verbalizing their climate policies creates enough carbon dioxide emissions to negate any awareness they might raise. That doesn't even account for all the logistics involved with setting a town hall in train, including flying the candidates in to participate along with the hosts and audience. Then there are the lights, the cameras, the refreshments, controlling the internal climate within the venue.

En bloc, the climate change town hall accomplishes the obverse of its purpose: holding it hurts the environment by its very energy consumption.

Not that any of that matters. By climate alarmists' solar-powered lights, the clock is ticking on keeping the planet habitable. Some of the more high-dudgeon eco-Cassandras claim we have 12 years to significantly reduce greenhouse emissions. Others say 18 months. Then there are the equable sort who say it's too late and humans have doomed the Earth to arid misery.

Yet here we are, filming an eight-hour cable -news show that'll garner fewer viewers than Seinfeld reruns. The lack of urgency, and seriousness, by those sounding the climate alarm should give the more sober-minded pause. Former president Obama, who attempted to ensnare the U.S. in an international emissions-cutting agreement, just purchased a mansion off the Atlantic seaboard in Martha's Vineyard. Clearly, he's not worried about the ocean swallowing his verdant $15-million estate.

The same applies greenie worry warts who are quick to contemn unwoke culchies who use plastic bags at the grocery store but fly tens of thousands of miles for conferences focused on curbing rising temperatures. Even one CNN host recently gloated about taking a day trip to Los Angeles during what we're told are unprecedented and catastrophic times demanding material temperance.

Perhaps I'm engaging in too much tu quoque, but until our elites practice what they preach and quit taking private Gulfstreams for leisurely peregrinations, I'm not about to set my house on stilts or trade my car in for a bus pass.

I'm hardly alone in my skepticism. The petit bourgeois aren't going to throw out their air-conditioners to fulfill the green fever dream of slaughtering every cow, throwing a rod in every automobile, shuttering every coal mine, and corking every oil well.

They also aren't going to sit and watch eight hours of moral posturing that'll convince nobody and accomplish nothing. The fact is, Americans aren't willing to sacrifice easy prosperity to knock off a few degrees on the thermostat during the summer. Unless one of the more obscure Democrats hopelessly hoping to enter the Oval Office proposes invading China and India to forcibly close every coal-burning plant and extinguish every street hod, CNN's climate town hall will be a true environmentalist's worst nightmare: a great big billow of carbon emissions.