Straight from the ad pages of your favorite magazines, here’s your guide to being a girl in December. Take notes.

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1. Stay cozy. Wear a baby.

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2. Flaunt your complexity.

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3. Represent feminine softness in a hard masculine world.

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4. If you’re truly hot, you won’t get cold.

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5. Sit like this while waiting for the valet at the end of a holiday party.

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6. If you insist on being serious, you must be 100% serious at all times.

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7. Live every moment like a dream sequence.

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8. Do a sports thing. That’s funny.

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9. Wear makeup, like a deviant.

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10. Ignore the voice of reason.

Pants are for suckers. Merry Christmas.

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Welcome back, and happy holidays! If you like books, music, and silly internet things, you might also enjoy my tinyletter, which you can subscribe to here.

(More about fashion advertising here, here, and well, there are a bunch.)