A consensus of 97% of sane people agree: the Democrats' presidential candidate list is a who's who of adult diaper bins. Anyone who dares question my assessment is a Democrat diaper-bin denialist, and I won't tolerate your inability to see the obvious. Agreeing with me, but using fewer words, is comedic legend Norm Macdonald, who dumped all over Eric Swalwell's presidential announcement video with this epic tweet:

Tehehehehe.

This idea Eric Swalwell is running for you, that's what tickles my sort of funny bone. No presidential candidate, regardless of political distinction, is running because they "hear you." They want to be the most powerful person on the planet. Let's stop pretending and be honest about that one.

I also take issue, as I think Norm did, with Swalwell's "I AM you" statement. Eric Swalwell is who I point to when referring to douchemeister. He's a sultan of suck. The king of crap. The personification of a clogged facial pore in need of deep cleansing. I am not those things, and Swalwell should know better than to assume what I am and what I am not. It's 2019, Eric. Get it right.

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