Being our semi-regular weekly survey of the state of Our National Dialogue which, as you know, is what Gene Chandler would have come up with, had he recorded "Derp of Earl."

Before we award this week's House Cup, we should call attention to a remarkable bit of beat-sweetening from the Washington Post, where David Daleiden, the con-man behind the phony Planned Parenthood videos, got himself the slurpfest of a lifetime. Here is a truly curious passage discussing Daleiden's relationship with Troy Newman of Operation Rescue and with an assortment of other anti-choice criminals.

In Wichita he visited Troy Newman, president of Operation Rescue, who has made approving comments about violence against abortion providers though he has denounced violence himself. (Newman was recently deported from Australia over concerns that his presence there could inspire acts against medical professionals.) Newman is one of three board members for the nonprofit Daleiden set up, the unassumingly named Center for Medical Progress. Another is Daleiden, and the third is Albin Rhomberg, who made headlines in the 1980s when he broke into the Los Angeles County coroner's office to photograph aborted fetuses.

"Acts against medical professionals" is nice, I have to admit it. C'mon, Marty. The movie's coming out soon.

Moving along, there's only one choice for this week's House Cup and that's ABC, where Ben Carson visited This Week With The Clinton Guy Shocked By Blowjobs, and where the good doctor demonstrated that not only is he not qualified to be president, he is not qualified to pass a 10th grade contemporary world history final. This was utterly amazing.

CARSON: Declare that within five to 10 years, we will become petroleum independent. The moderate Arab states would have been so concerned about that, they would have turned over Osama bin Laden and anybody else you wanted on a silver platter within two weeks.(END VIDEO CLIP)

STEPHANOPOULOS: That's what you said he should have done. But how would that have worked? How would you have gotten the moderate Arab governments to turn over Osama bin Laden in two weeks? He'd already been expelled by Saudi Arabia. He was already an enemy of those moderate governments.

CARSON: Well, I think they would have been extremely concerned if we had declared -- and we were serious about it -- that we were going to become petroleum independent, because it would have had a major impact on their finances. And I think that probably would have trumped any loyalty that they had to -- to people like Osama bin Laden.

The gob, she is so thoroughly smacked. Do go on, doctor.

STEPHANOPOULOS: But they didn't have any loyalty to Osama bin Laden. The Saudis kicked him out. He was their enemy.

CARSON: Well, you may not think that they had any loyalty to him, but I believe otherwise.

STEPHANOPOULOS: So you believe that had President Bush simply declared energy independence, they would have turned over Osama bin Laden. How would they have gotten him out of the tribal areas of Afghanistan and Pakistan?

CARSON: I think they would have known where he was. You know, there were indications, for instance, during the Clinton administration that -- that they knew exactly where he was but didn't necessarily pull the trigger. If -- if we could tell where he was, I'm certain that they knew where he was.

STEPHANOPOULOS: But at that point, we had some idea, but we didn't know for sure. I simply don't understand how you think this would have worked.

CARSON: Well -- well, here's the point -- here -- here's my point. My point is, we have -- we had other ways that we could have done things. I personally don't believe that invading Iraq was an existential threat to us. I don't think Saddam Hussein was an existential threat to us. It's a very different situation right now. Now, we have global jihadists who want to destroy us and our way of life.

STEPHANOPOULOS: But sir, I wasn't...

CARSON: And that is a completely different situation.

STEPHANOPOULOS: I wasn't asking about invading Iraq, I was asking about invading Afghanistan, which had been harboring Osama bin Laden.

At this point, the Clinton Guy looked as though he were conversing with a llama from Mars. Dr. Carson did not appear to notice.

CARSON: Well, I was primarily talking about Iraq. You know, I wasn't particularly interested in going into Afghanistan but I do think that we should have taken aggressive action. And I think, you know, creating a base that did not require tens of thousands of our troops, that required a -- a group. And I think we probably have that number pretty close to right now, about 10,000 or so, and being able to use our drones and being able to use our intelligence and things of that nature, I think that's probably all that was necessary in Afghanistan.

STEPHANOPOULOS: But, sir, when we look back at 9/11, 3,000 people dead on that day. We knew Afghanistan was harboring Osama bin Laden. Ninety percent of the American public supported taking military action, every member of Congress but one. If that is not a case where you would order retaliation, what is?

CARSON: Well, I just said, I do believe that we should have taken aggressive action. I just don't think necessarily putting tens of thousands of our troops was the correct way to do it. But, you know, we're talking about things that are in the past. We will never know the answer to that.

Yes, because who can know anything about things that are in the past? Was George Washington a monitor lizard? Could Abraham Lincoln have been a Soviet spy? Life is such a mystery. This was such a profoundly screwy performance that it completely obscured the fact that, over at the Overlook Hotel, where my man Chuck Todd always has been the caretaker, old favorite Ron Fournier may have achieved what my pal Eric Boehlert called "peak Fournier."

FOURNIER: Congressman Pompeo, your party promised to run-- a nonpartisan, non-witch hunt campaign. That's been proven to be false. Congressman Schiff, your party, your candidate promised us that what she did with her emails was above board and didn't jeopardize or even potentially compromise U.S. secrets. We know that is false. What is either party going to be able to do, or going to try to do to try to restore some modicum of credibility to a system that's hemorrhaging trust? Both your parties have been lying to us.

Both Sides are responsible for the partisan dumbshow that is Trey Gowdy's committee, which is studying The Past, where there are so many things we never will know.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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