What the ‘adult baby’ community is really about, according to the people in it The Adult Baby community is one of the most misunderstood and maligned subsections of the fetish world

If you’re unfamiliar with Twitter, you may not be aware that former goalkeeper Neville Southall regularly turns his account over to various charities for an evening so they can tweet information about their cause to Southall’s 144,500 followers. It’s a fabulous idea and past groups who have ‘taken over’ Southall’s account have included mental health charities, sex worker rights organisations, and groups that support people struggling with addiction.

Southall’s efforts to both understand and offer a signal boost to causes that are often challenging has been widely applauded – until last month, when Twitter user @ABMummyGrace announced she would be taking over Southall’s account to shine a light on the Adult Baby community.

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The Twittersphere did not react well, and many accused of Southall turning his account over to perverts and paedophiles. Within a few hours, Southall published several tweets defending his decision to allow the takeover, but finally announced he was cancelling it.

Whilst I understand Southall’s decision, I think this is a damn shame. The Adult Baby community is one of the most misunderstood and maligned subsections of the fetish world. ‘Adult Baby’ covers a number of behaviours, interests and activities, and is a term that is often rejected by those within the community who prefer to call themselves ‘littles’.

The psychological term for adults who become aroused by role-playing as babies/children is ‘paraphilic infantilism’. ‘Autonepiophilia’ is slightly different and refers to someone who has a fetish for wearing nappies, and the two can comfortably co-exist. For some people, this is sexual, while for others it is comforting, rather than erotic. Research carried out by Terrance Grey in 2007 found that that 54 per cent of Adult Babies did not experience their infantilism as sexual.

‘As with all kinks, if this one isn’t for you it can be very difficult to get your head around it’ – Dr Kate Lister

However, the most damaging misconception about this community is that this is all about wanting to have sex with children. This is absolutely not the case. As with all kinks, if this one isn’t for you it can be very difficult to get your head around it. Trying to understand why someone would want to pretend to be a baby can be challenging.

But, regressing to a childlike state is something that we all do once in a while. We might adopt childlike mannerism and traits when talking to a lover without really realising we’re doing it. Or we might use ‘baby talk’ to elicit a sympathetic response from a partner. We all enjoy playing like children, though we don’t really get the chance as adults – when was the last time you got to go on the swings?

An exploration of inner child

Even as an adult, when we’re sick or in pain, most of us want to be looked after. We all have an ‘inner child’ that will jump out every so often, usually when we want to be cared for or want to throw off adult responsibilities. It’s a very comforting place to be. For some people, roleplay as a baby/child is simply an exploration of this.

‘None of my friends or family know. I just don’t think anyone would really get it’ – Baby G

‘Baby G’ has regular sessions with his ‘mummy’ in a specially designed adult nursery in the north of England. Baby G has never had any sexual contact with his ‘mummy’ but spends his time with her as a baby. He wears a nappy, and is fed, burped, put down for a nap, changed and cuddled. When he can, Baby G pays to spend the night there and will have bath time, stories and be put to bed. In adult life, Baby G is a successful solicitor in his forties. “None of my friends or family know,” he told me. “I just don’t think anyone would really get it. Even I can’t really explain it. I just feel so cared for and loved after a session. I don’t even feel like I’m pretending to be a child, I just am a child in that space.

“I’m married, and my wife knows that I come to the nursery, but we don’t talk about it. When I first told her about this side of me, we did try to bring the little stuff into our relationship, but it just didn’t work. In my everyday life, I’m quite an alpha male type and seeing me as a little was tough for her. So, we agreed I could explore it in a safe setting. I know people might think it’s weird, but it works for us.”

Drawing on a dominant/submissive experience

For other people, the roleplay is sexual. But, this is not about an attraction to children, rather it is drawing on parent/child power dynamics to create a dominant/submissive experience. The idea of this can make some feel extremely uncomfortable, but we see this eroticised dynamic at work all the time. Spanking, for example, is firmly rooted in the child/parent dynamic but is widely understood to carry kinky undertones when adults enjoy it with one another.

‘Bad boys’ and ‘bad girls’ that need to be punished, and fantasies of strict school teachers and naughty students are also common examples of ‘age play’. And as Marilyn Monroe showed us, even the word ‘daddy’ can be incredibly sexy. The dominant/submissive power dynamic is very powerful and for some, playing the ‘little’ or the ‘big’ taps into something quite primal.

‘My clients don’t pretend to be babies or children, they don’t dress up or anything’ – D

‘D’ has worked as a professional dominant for the last five years and his most requested service from female clients is age play, where he assumes the persona of ‘Daddy’. “My clients don’t pretend to be babies or children, they don’t dress up or anything. It’s more about softening straight kink play by bringing in a caring aspect. A lot of it is in the language I use in the scene. I’ll tell her she’s being a ‘good girl’ if she’s doing as I’ve asked her, and she’ll get spanked if she doesn’t.

“She will call me ‘Daddy’ throughout. Some littles like playing about with being quite bratty and naughty, in which case there will be punishment. I use spankings or I might put her on the naughty step until she’s ready to say sorry and be a good girl. There are always lots of cuddles afterwards. Obviously, we’ve agreed all of this beforehand.”

A very misunderstood kink

Research published in the ‘Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy’ in 2017 surveyed 1934 participants who identified as ‘Adult Babies’ and found that the majority of their participants were heterosexual males (93 per cent), whereas 43 per cent of the female participants identified as bisexual. Most participants had received at least a high school diploma, and their income levels ranged from less than $25,000 per year to over $100,000 per year. Forty-nine per cent of the male participants and 47 per cent of the female participants were currently in a relationship, but over 50 per cent reported that their partner is never or rarely shares in their Adult Baby lives.

Crucially, the research found those who were in relationships and could share their Adult Baby activities with their partner reported significantly higher levels of self-esteem and comfort with their Adult Baby selves. This, in turn, revealed those who felt unable to share their Adult Baby activities with a partner or loved ones experienced higher levels of mental distress and low self-esteem. One participant reported: “My previous partner did not know I was an AB, but he knew about some behaviours I just attributed to being quirky; sleeping with a pacifier, drinking from a sippy cup and wearing footed sleepers. When I tried to bring up the topic of being an AB, he said all ABs were disgusting and perverted so I assured him I wasn’t one.”

Others shared stories of relationships breaking down when a partner found out that they were an Adult Baby, and several reported avoiding romantic relationships altogether because of it.

Adult Babies, age play, big and littles are not disgusting or perverted. They are not scary, weird or even that unusual. Although people indulge in these behaviours for myriad reasons, it is not about wanting to have sex with children. It might not be your kink, but it is a very common and misunderstood one. I hope that Southall does allow an Adult Baby takeover at a future date to help break down stigma and facilitate a better understanding. After all, it’s important to stand up for the little people.