Everyone I've told about my experience with Obalon has made the same multifarious face. One eyebrow will express intrigue while the other conveys horror; the shape of the mouth is somehow that of both wonderment and disgust. In their eyes, I can see them rejecting the idea like a nauseating eating challenge on Fear Factor, yet contemplating if maybe it's something they should do. And I think that's a perfectly reasonable reaction to being told that I swallowed balloons to lose weight.

While surgical procedures like gastric bypass are typically reserved for people with a body mass index (BMI) of 35 or higher, Obalon is a nonsurgical weight-loss procedure that's FDA-approved for people with a BMI of 30 to 40. Weighing 210 pounds last January, my BMI of 34 fell just outside the surgical sweet spot. But it had never even crossed my mind to surgically intervene as a way to combat the weight I'd gained in my thirties, so it had definitely never crossed my mind to try to lose weight by means of what sounds to the layperson like an utterly preposterous medical procedure — and not just because it seemed a bit extreme.

As I gained 50 pounds over the course of a decade — which may seem like a lot, but when you break it down into five pounds a year, it suddenly sounds remarkably feasible — body positivity broke through as a movement. I joined the countless women tired of a lifetime of having been told there's only one way to be beautiful (thinness) and that losing weight should be considered, in some ways, an achievement but mostly something you owe to both the loved ones and strangers who have to look at you. I subscribed when it was a grassroots backlash, and I renewed that subscription as the movement grew. And I still subscribe despite the inevitable commodification that comes with a genuine movement that hits a collective, T-shirt-ready nerve.

So the thought of going through a weight-loss treatment — the thought of even possibly wanting to — sparked the kind of guilt that comes with betraying a few hundred thousand of your closest friends. But I'll be damned if I'm going to feel guilty for still kind of wanting something I've been told my entire life I should want; something I unquestioningly wanted before body-positivity made more persuasive arguments. It's very difficult programming to fully erase, and I can admit, despite the body acceptance I want for everyone, myself included, that it's not fully erased and that harmful programming is still fully funded by the societal powers that be. I’m not about to be shamed for gaining weight and then shamed for wanting to lose some of it. I can find people of all sizes beautiful while still hesitantly agreeing with that nagging voice that tells me I look better as a size 8, and you can't tell me otherwise. And if, like me, you believe part of body positivity is also autonomy and agency, then you wouldn't tell me otherwise.

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I also hold the increasingly well-supported belief that a person's health cannot be determined or defined by their weight alone. That said, what ultimately made me say, "OK, sure, I'll swallow balloons," was my specific genetic health history. Type 2 diabetes has proven itself to be pretty inevitable on my mother's side of the family, regardless of weight; however, my grandmother was diagnosed with it in her early fifties when she weighed about 200 pounds, and my mother was recently diagnosed at age 67 and weighing 160 pounds. It would appear losing some weight may at least delay my own diagnosis, and with my blood sugar nearing pre-diabetic levels, now seemed like as good a time as any to do it.

"In general, we see improvements in patients' health and comorbidities such as diabetes, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea with as little as five percent extra body weight loss (EBW)," says Stefanie Vaimakis, medical director of bariatric surgery at Holy Name Medical Center and Palisades Medical Center in New Jersey. "Obalon exceeds those statistics by far, and more importantly along with a comprehensive program of diet and exercise, patients can learn to change their eating habits and live a healthier lifestyle even after the balloons are removed."

So, about Obalon itself: According to the manufacturer, the procedure "helps facilitate weight loss by taking up space in your stomach so you eat less," and it takes up that space with three rigid, orange-sized balloons. Because something that large can't be swallowed, the balloons must be swallowed in capsule form on three separate occasions; I swallowed one in January, one in February, and one in March.

Although the capsules are smaller than the balloons smushed up inside them, they're nothing to sneeze at. Easily the largest "pill" you'll ever attempt to swallow, they're also attached to a thin catheter, which is connected to the device that your doctor uses to inflate the balloon with a nitrogen sulfur-hexafluoride mixture once it has landed in your stomach. It's a bit of a mindfuck, really. As my doctor, Marina Kurian, gave me warm water to help get the first capsule down, I did a literal spit take right in her face. "I have learned to stand to the side of the patient. Thank you for that," she recently told me upon recalling my involuntary reaction — an educational moment for both of us.

The second and third swallowing sessions went more smoothly for me, and I was left, as planned, with three balloons freely floating around in my stomach. With each balloon placement, I would lose some weight pretty much effortlessly, simply because I physically couldn't eat as much as I did before there were balloons taking up space in my stomach. Whereas I could once easily down an entire Chipotle burrito bowl, for example, I was able to eat maybe half of one, thanks to my gaseous new tenants.

If it still sounds a little weird, I get it — it totally is. And averaging around $7,500, it's not cheap either. But to medical professionals, Obalon presents a creative and effective new option for people who are overweight but don't meet the criteria for surgery. "Obalon sounded very interesting to me from the get-go," says Kurian, who's a bariatric surgeon in New York City. (In fact, she's the doctor who performed Al Roker's gastric bypass surgery.) "I am very familiar with surgical and less invasive methods for weight loss. Swallowing the balloon is the novel aspect and has definitely changed the intragastric balloon scene." Who even knew there's an intragastric balloon scene?

To my surprise, I didn't really notice any strange sensations during my first two months with two balloons. I imagine that's partly due to the fact that anyone who's undergoing the Obalon system must take acid-blocking medication like Prilosec every day over the course of the treatment. "An intragastric balloon is basically a foreign body hanging out in your stomach," Kurian tells me. "To protect the stomach, an anti-acid pill is needed every day while you have the balloons in. This helps prevent ulcers or gastritis, which can make you feel unwell or have pain." Although it virtually never happens, there's also a risk of the balloons deflating and migrating into the intestines, which is why patients are told to avoid skydiving and scuba diving during treatment. (That wasn't a problem for me.)

Unfortunately, once I got the third balloon, even prescription-level anti-acid medication wasn't preventing daily discomfort. It was sort of a constant, low-grade gnawing feeling — tolerable, but naturally, I would've preferred to spend the last few months of my treatment without it. It probably didn't help that, while I was definitely eating increasingly smaller portions of food, that food was often the not-so-healthy stuff — basically processed crap and fast food — that I had been eating in abundance before my treatment.

It's no surprise that Obalon patients are encouraged to take advantage of a membership with Virtual Health Partners, which provides digital support from nutritionists and access to exercise programs through the app VHPgo. And while I used the app to track my weight loss with a Bluetooth scale, I readily admit that I rarely opened it for any other reason. So because I didn't change the types of food I ate or increase my activity, I probably could have lost more weight than the 25 pounds I did.

But I also haven't gained it back. The balloons were removed in late June — an endoscopic procedure performed under general anesthesia — and I've remained within five pounds of the 185 pounds I ended up at after the recommended maximum of six months. It's a typical result for someone of my starting weight. "I have seen a couple of patients lose 40 to 60 pounds, but most patients fall in the 20- to 40-pound range," Kurian says. (I also haven't experienced any stomach discomfort since they were removed.)

I'm well aware I probably could have lost 25 pounds over the course of six months without Obalon. I could have done that at any time over the past few years. But I didn't. Just like I didn't take advantage of the nutrition and fitness services offered through VHPgo, I struggled with taking the initiative to change the habits the directly affect my weight, and I still do.

But if Obalon has taught me anything, it's that losing weight — and more generally speaking, change — is possible, and that's something I didn't quite believe until I saw it happen for myself. "It is a fantastic way to jump-start weight loss and help patients learn to live a healthier lifestyle," Vaimakis tells Allure. I'd still like to lose another 20 pounds, and now I know my body is probably capable of that if I make healthful changes to what I eat and how often I'm active — things I should do regardless of if it would result in more weight loss. And if it doesn't, that's OK. If one thing hasn't changed, it's that, despite that nagging programming that pushes so many of us to strive to be thinner, I accept my body and will continue working on doing so.

For more information on Obalon and a list of doctors in your area that you can speak to about pursuing the treatment, visit obalon.com.

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