Dennis Quaid, a 65-year-old man who already looks like his own waxwork, yesterday announced his engagement to Laura Savoie. At 26, she already looks like every one of his three ex-wives – if none of them ever aged. And while I do think we should all be able to date anyone we like as long as it’s consensual, I do worry about him a little bit.

In general, I worry about any man who chooses to date a woman 40 years younger – mainly because she will always outperform him in sports, but also because it’s awkward when people can’t tell if your companion is your daughter or your wife.

Quaid’s first wife, the actor PJ Soles, of Carrie fame, was three years older than him when they married and no one batted an eyelid. When Quaid married his second wife, also a blond actor – Meg Ryan, heard of her? – everyone wished them well. Ryan is eight years younger than Quaid.

If once is a chance, twice is a coincidence, and the third time is a pattern, perhaps we should have seen the next one coming – a bit like a Russian doll.

At the tender age of 50, Quaid married his third wife, Kimberley Buffington, then 34, and the couple had twins. Could anyone have guessed what happened next?

Well, probably. Quaid is well-known for his starring role as the father of twins in the Parent Trap. As actor Elaine Hendrix, who played his 26-year-old fiancee in the Parent Trap pointed out, the real life script had already been written: in the movie, Quaid’s character, the father of twins, splits from his wife and gets engaged to a 26-year-old blond woman.

Watch out for those twins. 👯‍♀️ https://t.co/Rloat1gLCy — Elaine Hendrix (@elaine4animals) October 21, 2019

Now, I hear some of you already: so what if Quaid is now marrying a 26-year-old? Maybe she is wise beyond her years, or maybe Quaid is just immature. That’s not to mention that his new young fiancee has the free will to marry whomever she likes – it would be unfeminist not to point this out, right?

I agree that as long as they’re happy, we should be happy for them. But if Quaid keeps on consecutively marrying younger and younger, then disregarding the math in this case would be reckless.

As one very astute commentator has pointed out, the trend foretells a very worrying future for Quaid’s future engagement prospects.

“His first wife was three years older than he was. His second wife (Meg Ryan) was ten years younger. His third wife was twenty years younger. His fourth wife will be forty years younger.”

The logical end to this pattern? “Dennis Quaid’s fifth wife hasn’t been born yet.”