“Bow Chica Wow PUFF!”

Marijuana and sex are gifts of nature. There’s nothing synthetic about it. We enjoy both of them because our human biology is made for it, literally. We are physically equipped, in more ways than one, to enjoy marijuana and sex. But when you combine the two, holy crap is it life-changing.

Our brains contain neurocellular circuitry (stuff) which can only be activated by substances with THC’s molecular structure. This makes the marijuana high a unique combination of feelings, and there are only two sources for the substances which activate THC’s very own neuroreceptor (thing). Our brain is one source: it generates something very similar to THC, called anandamide. Translated, the word means bliss. The only other source for this bliss-producing substance is the cannabis plant itself.

So you see, we were made to enjoy marijuana! Being stoned or sexually turned on both produce similar physiological responses, such as increased heart rate, heightened sensitivity, and changes in blood flow and respiration. Certain sections of our brain like the temporal lobe are affected by both marijuana and sexual arousal. Do you see where I’m going with this people? Our bodies are hard wired to enjoy marijuana and sex together!

Sex and pot both provide us with euphoric experiences. And it is the enjoyment of the two with others that really ignite the fire. Whether you are having sex with someone or sharing a joint, or having sex with someone while sharing a joint, there is a certain feeling of comfort, intimacy, trust, and belonging. You are both on the same page and at that very moment in time nothing else matters. All your stress and problems disappear for that period of time leaving you in a state of utopia, which for some men may unfortunately only be a couple short minutes. But nonetheless, utopia it is!

Cannabis has been used in conjunction with sex for thousands of years, literally. Texts from Ancient India more than 3,000 years old show an inseparable relationship between marijuana usage and better sex. The Indian Ayurvedic and Unani Tibbi medicine systems used cannabis to increase libido, conquer impotence, and cure various diseases. These systems also utilized opium, sometimes in combination with cannabis.

Dozens of formulations containing cannabis were prescribed as aphrodisiacs. Their names are delicious and extremely sexy, just reading them might turn you on so be careful: shrimadananda modaka, uttama vajikarana, majun falaskari, roghan bhang, among others. These formulations were reputed to produce long-lasting erections, delay ejaculation, facilitate lubrication and loosen inhibitions. Sounds like the recipe for a party to me.

Ancient sexual cannabis use rose up in a Hindu-Buddhist tradition known as Tantra. Those practicing Tantra believe that our bodies contain energy systems consisting of nerves, heart, and spiritual elements that are linked to cosmic and nature-based energies. Males and females have different types of energy and sex unites these energies, creating “circuits” which allow us to find new heights of intimacy. Tantric union of male and female energies (sex) is thought to balance out the energy of the cosmos. These Tantra cannabis rituals date back to at least 700 AD.

Sex balances out the universe? Ehhhh not too sure about that one. But hey, to each his own right? I mean don’t get me wrong, I love sex just as much as the next person but balancing out the entire energy of the universe? That’s got to be some pretty serious sex. I must be doing something wrong then because when I have sex I’m lucky if I can balance my own body weight never mind the energy of the entire friggin’ universe.

But get this…in Tantra they rarely smoked weed. They actually mixed weed with milk, ate it, and called it “bhang.” Such a perfect name for it, too. This bhang could also be made like a marijuana milkshake with cannabis flowers and leaves, milk, sugar, pepper, almonds, poppy seeds, ginger and other herbs. Doesn’t sound too bad huh? I guarantee you hundreds of people are rummaging through crap right now looking for a blender to try out their own concoction of bhang. If you do, please by all means email us and tell us about your experience because that should be one heck of a story.

But back to the weird stuff. Listen up to what I’m about to say because this might help spice up your love life. You can thank me for this later. With Tantra cannabis rituals, the males would bathe their female partners, comb their hair, spray them with perfume, and lay them out on a silk bed. Then, the men would touch the women’s forehead, eyes, nostrils, mouth, arms and thighs, and eventually vagina. Couples went on to have sex and the men would give oral sex to the women while using cannabis the entire time. Now that’s a case of the munchies I’m sure no one will be complaining about.

Tantra would focus on prolonging sex for as long as possible. Yes ladies, that means for longer than 3 minutes. In fact, ancient texts describe some cannabis sex sessions lasting for seven to eight hours! And I quote from the texts, “…until a glow of fire envelops the lovers in total-body orgasms, which result in erasure of mental ideations and ego, the timeless freedom from self which equals Nirvana.” Wow. What the f*ck kind of marijuana were these people growing and where can I get some? Nonetheless, as much as I want to call bullshit on this one, the facts are the facts. But girls don’t get your hopes up, there’s not a single one of us men that is going to have sex with you for eight hours. Sorry, not happening. Moving on.

In the 19th century something called nasha popped up in Serbia. Female virgins were given these mixtures of lamb’s fat and cannabis on their wedding nights, to decrease the pain of their first intercourse. Such use echoes modern practices in India, where newlyweds drink bhang beverages and eat bhang candy. Indian prostitutes are even reported to eat lots of bhang sherbet, which helps them feel sexually aroused even when their customers are fat, ugly and stupid.

Serbian women mixed cannabis with egg whites, saffron and sugar to make guc-kand, a tonic which created a sexy mood or (ironically) was given to young boys to lessen the pain of circumcision! Cannabis tonics were also given to crying children to perk them right up into the smile zone.

Serbian men valued a mixture made from potent hashish, almond butter, dried rose leaves, carnation petals, crocus, muscut nut, cardamom, honey, sugar, and Anacylius pyrethrum root. They considered this “happy porridge” a super aphrodisiac.

Morocco, Egypt, Lebanon and other Middle Eastern and Northern African cultures used cannabis for sexual purposes as recently as the early 20th century. There, cannabis was usually found in its extremely potent form called kif. Wives were reported to use kif when men were not around, often engaging in erotic fantasies and play. Cannabis had the reputation of allowing women to become sexually uninhibited, carefree and curious, which was an especially important benefit in cultures where women were routinely oppressed.

Fast-forward to today’s world. Several research articles show that people who enjoy marijuana tend to enjoy sex, and (surprise!) that marijuana and sex can be a powerful combination. A majority of users reported that they got hornier when they were stoned, but explained that increased lust occurred in situations where a person would normally have felt sexy. Users said that not only was desire increased, their ability to appreciate sexual pleasure was enhanced when they were high. However, it has been found that too much cannabis can have an adverse effect so be sure to save a few hits for after playtime is over.

According to love doctor Lisa “Mamakind” Kirkman, marijuana enhances sex for both biological and social reasons. She said we experience a heightened state of arousal because oxytocin—which is naturally released during breastfeeding, sexual arousal and orgasm— is also stimulated when cannabis is consumed. Kirkman noted that some of the earliest recorded cannabis use is related to childbirth because cannabis strengthens contractions. So, the muscle-contracting properties of cannabis could be utilized to enhance sexual performance.

That said, here’s a sexy cannabis guide, derived from Kirkman’s most stimulating facts and tips in a recent interview.

Social Lubricant:

Socially, pot can amplify sex appeal because smoking is commonly a shared activity. Sharing pot creates an enjoyable, communal experience. Kirkman said it’s also a good way to meet other pot loving singles. Share your stash with a cutie at a party. Your mutual appreciation of pot will be an easy conversation starter as you puff, puff, pass with your new friend.

The Neck Rub of Pot Heads:

For some, the act of smoking is sexualized into a fetish. The use of the mouth, the spark of fire, lips on a piece of beautiful, ornate glassware and lilting plumes of smoke can be a turn on, Kirkman notes. She recommends sharing a joint, shotgun style (blowing the smoke directly one mouth to the next), with your lover. It’s the “neck rub for pot heads,” as Kirkman puts it, and can lead to much more.

Sexiest Strains:

So, what pot strains are especially good for sex? Kirkman said strains with a 70/30 percent hybrid ration are better than 100 percent pure strains. Pure strains can cause extreme effects like paranoia—in Sativas— and sleepiness—in Indicas, especially with inexperienced and occasional pot users.

With the caveat that everybody is different and may not have the same reaction to these strains, here are a few recommendations to boost male and female libidos, starting with the basics.

For energy- Sativa are uplifting and awakening. As Kirkman puts it, “Sativa get you going.” Any Sativa strain, good for physical activity like dancing, is also good for “horizontal dancing.” Kirkman’s Sativa favorites are “Flo” and “Skunk #1.”

For relaxation- Indicas relax the muscles, relax the mind, relax it all. Kirkman notes that sometimes just relaxing a little bit is what someone might need to have better, more fulfilling sex. Kirkman mentions “Blueberry” as a favorite relaxing Indica.

Just like Viagra- What strains are specifically heralded for their Viagra-like effects? For seduction and mental wooing, Kirkman recommends “Voodoo” as the key to unlocking unbridled passion. To unleash the sexual beast within, Kirkman recommends “Godbud,” and “Afghani Bullrider.”

Sex Pot Games

And for seasoned stoners who have smoked it all, Kirkman suggests fun “Sex Pot games.”

One game involves partner pain play with alternating licking exposed skin and teasing with the cherry ember of a smoking joint. (Safety note: do not use hash laced joints for any pain play games! Hash will melt on the skin and the goal is fun, OK?) Another game, The Human Hookah, happens when a woman’s partner takes bubbler hits from a bubbler strategically inserted inside the woman. The vibrations from the bubbler will make the woman giggle with outrageous pleasure.

Anddddd thank youuuuuuu Lisa Kirkman!

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