CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

As voters in the Dickson Electorate prepare to go to the polls this weekend, it appears that their local member, Peter Dutton MP, is preparing for the fight of his political career.

A grey skull has appeared in the sky today above the popular Strathpine Centre, as Dutton prepares for his ultimate battle against the Muslims Who Lived.

Close insiders to He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Prime-Minister can reveal today that the Member For Dickson has divided what remains of his soul into seven fragmented policies, spread across seven factions within the Australian Liberal Party.

The fragments, known as ‘horcruxes’, will be hidden in the disguise of policies aimed at not allowing brown people to live in Australia, ridiculing disabled people and providing government grants to his wife’s family’s childcare centres.

This is the third time the Member For Dickson has done as such – the last time being his failed bid to take over Malcolm Turnbull as Prime Minister in August – which was especially embarrassing considering he had flown his kids down to Canberra to watch daddy’s victory speech, before realising he couldn’t count to 41.

With polls indicating Dutton might in fact lose this marginal seat that he only won by 1.5% of the vote last election, it is believed that the former Brisbane cop, and man who boycotted the national apology to the Stolen Generations, is backing himself as the champion of Australian purity in a desperate bid to remain on $200k a year.

“Even, if on the off chance, I lose. I will continue doing my job until the final hour” said Peter Dutton.

“Just an hour ago I moved to deport that Tamil family from Biloela immediately.”

“Even in the middle of the fight of my political career, I will continue to work on behalf of the people of North Brisbane.

“By kicking down the doors of humble abattoir workers in Central Queensland, separating them from their children, and deporting them back to the country they fled from”