When you’ve been a lifelong bullshitter but your brain has slowly turned into cat piss and sand and you can no longer remember your lies … well, you tend to embarrass yourself, big-league.

Trump, of course, is denying that he skipped a planned visit to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery and Memorial in Belleau, France, because of his cotton-candy coif and all the “losers” buried there. Because why would he start telling the truth now?

Unfortunately, he can’t seem to get his story straight.

CNN:

said he was unable to attend and had to cancel the visit because of bad weather.

Trump told reporters yesterday that he “called home” to Melania Trump at the time and told her how upset he was for not being able to visit the cemetery. At the time, the White Househe was unable to attend and had to cancel the visit because of bad weather. Trump claims he “called home, I spoke to my wife and I said 'I hate this. I came here to go to that ceremony.' And to the one that was the following day which I did go to. I said I feel terribly. And that was the end of it.”

Oh, that would be an excellent, impossible-to-check lie if Melania hadn’t been standing next to him.

Facts First: Melania Trump was on the same trip with the President and was scheduled to attend the cemetery visit. She was not in the US. A readout from the first lady's office at the time said that “Due to inclement weather, the First Lady and President were unable to visit the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery and Memorial in Belleau, France.” That evening, Trump and Melania went to a dinner together hosted by French President Emmanuel Macron.

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To be fair, it’s possible Trump called home to Washington, D.C., or Florida to talk to a mistress. Then again, on a good day he looks like a beige howler monkey trying to swallow a manatee, and on a bad day he looks like Donald Trump. So what are the chances of that, really?

Nope, it’s another lie from the feral fabulist. Because he knows no other way.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!