My partner jokes that I'm "appropriating queer culture" because when we started dating back when we were 17, I identified as straight. From the beginning, she assured me that if my sexuality prevented me from continuing the relationship, from loving a woman, it would not be my fault. Straight or gay, we can't change that. But it did change—sort of. Now, I loosely think of myself as something like "not straight." Although the timeline of my identity is blurry and though that shift was not unrelated to her acknowledgment of her identity as a woman, it did somewhat precede it. She began questioning her maleness at puberty, long before I met her. But before she began transitioning and coming out a year ago, I'd talked about not feeling so confident in calling myself straight anymore. When you've been in the same devoted, monogamous relationship since the age of 17 (and haven't experienced anything more than brief, mild attraction to other people), it's hard to think of yourself as attracted to anyone—or any gender—but that person, who is not simply their gender.