He’ll swear to be faithful, photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore

The day of reckoning has finally come. Liberal public enemy #1 is about to officially enter the White House. Whether you’re one of millions afraid to lose their healthcare or you’re from one of the many groups (races, religions, genders, etc.) that Trump has targeted, there’s enough anxiety to go around.

That’s why I’ve thrown together a list of ways you can channel your Trump rage into something a little more productive.

After the election and throughout the holidays, I drank a lot. Red-wine hangovers, whiskey stupors, beer bloat — like Trump voters, I made unwise choices I regretted later. My friend Heather and I are being teetotalers this month. Screw you, peer pressure! I’m going drop some pounds and not misunderstand 90 percent of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story because a flask is present.

2. Budget for Birth Control

Sex educator Kait Scalisi lays it all out for you in this excellent article. Have more sex. Make sure you are safe, because who the fuck knows what will happen to a woman’s right to choose? If you’re on the pill, make sure you budget 11 months’ worth in case it won’t be free anymore. Consider an IUD. Consider cutting the strings short on that IUD lest your partner(s) complains that it’s poking his penis. Finally, pick up a Plan B or two or three.

3. Budget for Fun

Sites like FunCheapSF catalogue free or cheap events in the Bay Area. Try something new. Enter to win tickets every week, and then actually show up to the event no matter what or where it is. Comedy, harp music, burlesque: they have it all.

4. Join a Fitness Cult

Sweating with your newfound besties will take your mind off of the inauguration. The more all-consuming, the better. Megaformer sounds mysterious. What about crawling like a baby? There’s always the old standbys: Bikram, boot camp, CrossFit, P90X and the November Project.

5. Believe in the Multiverse

The multiverse theory hypothesizes that there are an infinite number of parallel universes in addition to the one we’re in. For a fun introduction, read the sci-fi thriller Dark Matter by Blake Crouch. The book is flawed (don’t think too much), but you won’t put it down. Imagine that you could wake up in a universe similar to the one you’re in now, but in which Trump isn’t PEOTUS.

6. Get Yourself a Present

Feel your feels. These gifties will help you process all your politics-related emotions. Wipe your ass all over Trump’s face or repeatedly stab Mike Pence. My favorite is #13. It’s free.

7. Speak Up

Tell your story. Be brave. Take a class at the Marsh and write and perform your own solo show. Learn how to rap with Rap Force Academy. Pitch a story to The Bold Italic.

8. Show Up

On the night after the election, I joined SURJ (Showing Up for Racial Justice). The SURJ website also has a fine list of social-justice affiliate groups that need your help. If you can’t make it to Washington for the inauguration demonstration (or if you have to work on Friday when the demonstrations are happening around the Bay Area), join the Women’s March in Oakland or San Francisco.

9. Relax

Go for a soak, a steam and a sauna. Onsen is San Francisco’s newest bathhouse. Hidden in the Tenderloin, it’s just $30 for an hour and 45 minutes. I thoroughly enjoyed my coed experience on New Year’s Eve, especially the fresh abalone and duck skewers I scarfed down afterward in their restaurant.

10. Banish Negative Thinking

This is the year to battle your anxious brain. Acknowledge that you’re ruminating or putting yourself down. Challenge your negative thoughts. Try Socratic questioning. Breathe.

11. Eat

Restaurant Week begins just before the inauguration. Dine out instead of watching Donald Trump swear (to be faithful). (Restaurant Week hack: all restaurants adhere to the same prices for lunch and dinner during Restaurant Week. Pick the most hoity-toity restaurant and get a five-star meal at a discount.)

12. Dance It Out

Start a new Sunday-morning tradition with the Ecstatic Dance community. Be in your body. Dance your own dance. Connect.

13. Join a 2017 Reading Challenge

Learn how to cope, and how to fight back. Or just escape into a book. Join a monthly book group that actually reads with their eyes. Borrow an electronic book from the public library. Read it on BART.

Suggest your own in the comments section!