Share 0 SHARES

REPORTS coming in to us today suggest that almost all Manchester United fans will be watching the latest episode of depression-fest EastEnders as there is absolutely no professional football competitions airing on any other channels this evening.

This particular time of the year marks the first time in 18 years that the Champions League is bizarrely not being staged.

“Ah I think UEFA have had enough, needed a year off or something,” explained Man United fan Gary Longbottom as he watched some character from EastEnders slowly lose the will to live while scrunching their face up in a grim fashion, “but I’m pretty sure it’ll back next year provided we finish in the top 4,” Gary reassured WWN.

Other Man United fans confirmed they would be watching EastEnders as it is not only suitably drab, but there is simply no sport being aired whatsoever on any channel.

“Look, I’ll show you,” offered Red Devil fan Luke Cumberland as he flicked through all terrestrial channels except for ITV, “usually I’d check Sky Sports too, but as luck would have it the bloody signal is down,” Luke added, adequately explaining his reluctance to even double check the sport channel availability.

United fans are set to be entranced by a gripping counter attack from a lippy barmaid as she defends across from the local Walford slag who will lunge drunkenly from her bar stool.

“Oh look Holby City is on afterwards, I can’t wait,” Luke said chirpily, “I’ve never been able to get into this as the Champions League used to be on but it is definitely not taking place this year”.

Desperate and sad United fans have also expressed their delight that tomorrow’s lack of Champions League fixtures will be counteracted by Coronation Street and a documentary about the history of concrete and bricks.

United fans went on to urge WWN to ignore claims made by Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea and Man City fans about errors printed in their respective TV guides.