You Can Be Asexual and Still:

masturbate

choose to have sex in a romantic relationship to please your partner

orgasm or otherwise experience physical pleasure from sexual stimulation

experience romantic attraction and romantic love

get married

want children or have children

recognize that other people are physically attractive

consume porn in any and all formats, for the purpose of arousal + masturbation

be okay with having partnered sex

emotionally, psychologically, and/or physically enjoy partnered sex

have kinks and/or fetishes, including BDSM

be polyamorous, ethically nonmonogamous, or relationship anarchist

have a mental illness

have a physical illness or disability

be a survivor of sexual assault

have absolutely no sexual experience whatsoever

have a lot of sexual experience

be a sex worker

want others to find you attractive

love kissing, cuddling, hugs, holding hands, massages, co-sleeping, dancing with a partner, and other forms of nonsexual physical intimacy

have sexual fantasies that you would never actually try out in real life

have sex dreams

experience genital arousal

have a libido (sex drive), including a moderate or high libido

experience deep, intense, or passionate emotion

experience love (romantic or nonromantic) in a very emotional way

be willing or interested in experimenting with sex, to see what it’s like

enjoy flirting

support sexual freedom for other people

The only thing you need to figure out to determine if you’re asexual or not is the answer to the following questions:

Do you experience sexual attraction to other people? (Sexual attraction being an involuntary sexual interest in others/directed desire to have sex with other people.) Do you feel an innate need and/or desire for partnered sex that may or may not be expressed in attractions to a specific gender or genders?

If the answer to those questions is no, you are asexual. Nothing else is relevant to being asexual, one way or another.

Please note that a majority of asexuals are sex-repulsed, will not have sex, don’t want to or feel comfortable with having sex, and would experience sex as something distressing, traumatic, or boring. Some asexuals do not masturbate, have no sex drive, don’t experience orgasms, don’t experience arousal, have little to no sexual experience, and have never been sexually abused or assaulted.

The only thing all asexuals have in common with each other is not experiencing sexual attraction to other people or a need for partnered sex.

You Can Be Aromantic and Still:

want a primary partnership that involves commitment, prioritization, exclusivity, life enmeshment, cohabitation, etc

choose to participate in romantic relationships with people who are romantically interested in you

want or have kids

be a sexual person (straight, gay, bi, pan, queer)

practice polyamory or other forms of ethical nonmonogamy

get married, whether in the context of a romantic or nonromantic relationship

enjoy consuming romantic media (movies, TV shows, books, songs, stories, etc)

want and enjoy kissing, cuddling, hugs, holding hands, massages, co-sleeping, dancing, and other forms of nonsexual intimacy–whether with your friends in general or with a specific partner

experience deep, intense, passionate, and/or very emotional love

have strong and/or deep feelings in general

be sensitive

have gender preferences for nonromantic/nonsexual partners and/or intimate friends

experience jealousy over your partner or your friends

have your heart broken

want to be important to other people

engage in emotional intimacy + desire emotional intimacy

have a mental illness

have a physical illness or disability

be a survivor of sexual assault

be a survivor of abusive romantic relationships

want a monogamous queerplatonic partnership

enjoy flirting

enjoy giving or receiving gestures of love and affection, whether in friendship or partnership (including romantically-coded gestures, like flower bouquets or love poems and letters, etc)

be a warm, friendly, extroverted person

enjoy seeing other people in romantic relationships

The only thing you have to figure out to determine whether or not you’re aromantic is the answer to this question:

Do you feel romantic attraction to other people? Do you experience an involuntary desire or need to be in romantic relationships? Do you romantically fall in love with others, in a way that is distinct from other emotional attachments you form with friends and family?

If the answer to those questions is no, then you’re aromantic. Nothing else is relevant to aromanticism, one way or another.

Please note that many aromantics are romance-repulsed and cannot tolerate or really don’t enjoy being in romantic relationships or being the object of someone’s romantic attraction. Some don’t want any kind of partner at all. Some don’t want children and would never marry anyone in any context. Some don’t even want a queerplatonic friend/partner. Some aros hate physical affection, don’t experience strong emotion, and are introverted with a low need for social interaction.

The only thing that all aros have in common with each other is not experiencing romantic feelings or romantic love.