

GHOULIES III: GHOULIES GO TO COLLEGE

1991, John Carl Buechler

Upon finishing high school, I packed up my things, and like lots of other somewhat privileged kids the world around, went to college. I studied Fine Art if you’re interested to know. To prepare me for the apparently debauched, alcohol fueled, partying lifestyle of a college kid, my brother bought me a small bundle of DVDs to educate me about such a major undertaking. This bundle included Van Wilder, Animal House and Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College amongst others I am unable to remember. I was recently thinking about revisiting these movies and discussing their impact on my young mind and their parallels with the college life I experienced but decided not to dignify two of the movies (of the three I remember), as one is directed by a murderer and the other features Ryan Reynolds. Conveniently for me, Dave, who writes most of the things on this site, has been on a bit of a Gremlins rip-off kick of late and was interested to watch this third installment in the Ghoulies saga. So I dusted off my old copy of Ghoulies III for a triumphant viewing.

The first thing I noticed watching this movie was how unlikable the main characters are. We have a fraternity of guys who look like they are in their thirties battling another fraternity of guys who are referred to repeatedly as Nazis. What exactly they are battling for is the exalted honour of being the kings of “prank week”. I am not sure who is judging the pranks, and by what criteria they are assessed against, but from the look of things, the stupider, meaner and more dangerous to innocent members of the college community, the better. Our lead is your typical 80s guy: over-dressed, wise-cracking and sociopathic. Only it’s 1991. I mean there is a school of thought that the 80’s didn’t end until 1992, but still this guy looks like he should be snorting cocaine off a Nagel print coffee table somewhere rather than on a screen in the period that brought Pauly Shore to the world’s unfortunate attention.

Early on we are introduced to the “villain” of the piece, the curmudgeonly Professor Ragnar, a man who is justifiably jaded on lecturing at this college, as he appears to be insulted and humiliated on a regular basis by the “cool” and “funny” students. Also the supplies at this college appear to be severely lacking. His lecture hall looks like a classroom out of Dangerous Minds, a movie where the students are better behaved and more respectful. So after witnessing Ragnar (a man who only wants to do his job!) be the butt of a series of unfunny pranks, I immediately started rooting for him and hoping for the on-screen death of all his disgusting students. Unfortunately this movie is lacking in the death and gore department, which is a shame, because when Ragnar gains control of the Ghoulies through the use of a confiscated comic book, it would have been satisfying to watch each one meet an unpleasant demise.

Wait, “confiscated comic book” you say? Yes. For some reason a magic comic book, that everybody in the film can only read out loud, causes the Ghoulies to spring forth from an ornate toilet in the protagonist’s dorm. The Ghoulies play second fiddle to the rubbish human beings and are relegated to a series of sporadic skits where they perv on girls, steal beer and ramble inanities over each other. Of note, the voice actor for the Cat Ghoulie is Curb Your Enthusiasm‘s Richard Kind. Funny guy. Wasted in this.

So I guess the real question of Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College is, was it worth the Ghoulies’ time and effort to go to college? Well, I mean they did get to drink lots of beer and kill a naked lady with a plunger.

But is that it? Was it really worth it? And that is where this movie does actually draw similarity with actual college life. Not the murdering ladies with a plunger part, but the fact that, for the minimal screen time and kicks the Ghoulies got, they really didn’t get all that much out of going to college. And I was thinking of that today as I was sanding furniture in a factory, inhaling dust and getting paid an award wage. Just like the Ghoulies, I got very little out of college. I have my fine art degree which I guess will be useful scrunched up with a bunch of newspapers to start a barrel-fire when I am living under a bridge, but not much else other than a few memories of some parties, some classes and a whole bunch of essay-writing. What I am saying is that, and maybe (obviously) I am reading too much into it, but strangely Ghoulies III does parallel with my experience of college life, being that it was full of unpleasant people, the good bits were short-lived and it ultimately left me jaded and worse off for having endured it. But the puppets were cool.