Day 3: some contact again but then none

loyallion

Hello again

I thought you should know

Again

Damn

I have to stop proposing that I'm

Making ultimatums

Again

When I always write you love letters at night

Even though they're subtle and I mean it and I don't want to hide because that's just hurting me too but...

anyway

I think what I'm trying to say

Is that

Today I decided to save my fucks

Yes I really said it

Save my fucks for someone that isn't you

Not that your skin isn't

Smooth enough

It is and I love feeling it

But the fact of the matter is

My fingers only dance over yours

Under the cover of a banner

That is for us a bunker

that advertises to the world

We are doing nothing

But discussing

Something

easily dismissed

And I want to save my fucks

And my dancing fingers

And everything in me

As little as it is

For someone That tells me I'm worth something

For someone who takes my fucks

As little gems in little crystal boxes

Fragile, textile, one of kind

Personalized

Undying

Pieces of my soul

You say with your fucks that you understand

(You don't)

That's it's just really fucking

Hard

(It isn't)

And I play the game

And say I

Understand

(I don't)

That I know for a fact it's

Hard

(To the point of breaking)

But the only fact my fucks understand

Is that you are using a green screen

Because you are scared

Of projecting me and my gems and my fucks

To those who don't

Understand

So I'll take every fuck back

Somber heartbeat after heartbeat

And type a song out on piano keys with them

My fingers are dancing once again

Each octave relaying kindly

fuck you

Because I started to love you again

But my fucks are better invested

In someone that doesn't just Say these things

(If you ever had the nerve at all)

But gives an all-standing

"I give a fuck about you too"

Maybe someone that surfs

With brown skin, 10 times as smooth

Where salt water drips from his hair

In unison with my piano

With a sweeter song

And a tangy taste

I will come to enjoy because he will tell me I should

In front of all his friends

And we'll all laugh at the stories

Around the campfire

On the beach

About how I almost gave my fucks away

To a boy

Who couldn't even speak