Day One Hundred and Fifty-Two: What A Party Looks Like

A party at Lilo's place is the typical islander fare, and a birthday party is even more so. You've got loud music playing till 2 AM, extended family coming from all around the world, slightly inappropriate comments from everyone about your weight and relationship status, and enough food to feed a small army.

I've been to like four of them, Elsa's been to zero. Which means I have to make it my personal mission to make sure she's not caught off-guard and having a good time. And I take that responsibility seriously.

Especially since it means keeping her, and the killer sundress she's rocking, close to me at all times. And by killer, I mean…

"Holy shit."

"What?"

Awesome, I just said that out loud. I'm impressed Elsa even heard me past the blaring speakers in Lilo's backyard- this song is so old. I clear my throat, scrambling for an excuse, "This...party's bigger than I thought it would be. A little warm too."

She smiles and bumps me with her bare shoulder, "Aren't you glad I talked you into wearing a dress then, too?"

Not really.

Especially since she looks a hell of a lot better in a dress than I do. It's a lavender color with a floral patterned hem. And it's got that strapless...ness going on which shows off the fact that, yes, she has freckles too. And now I'm not the only one that knows they're there. Of course I can't say any of this to her.

I just look down at my green, plaid-patterned dress that makes me look like a picnic blanket and pout, "The straps make my shoulders itchy."

Elsa giggles, "That sounds like a personal problem." Well, it wouldn't be my only one.

Again, I'm surprised we can even have this conversation right now, I half-expected us to be thrust into the middle of the party crowd when we first got here. Or even tugged on by all the kids to go into the bounce house (which was actually kind of tempting, not gonna lie). But no, we found a couple of plastic chairs right away and are now nursing two half-empty cups of root beer.

My eyes keep traveling to her shoulders and to her collarbone and...lower. I'm filled with this urge to tell Elsa how good she looks, how much it kills me that she's finally showing some skin again, but I can't.

I mean that'd be too inappropriate, right? There's no way I could compliment her like that without it sounding like anything innocent.

Well, luckily I'm not alone with her for long. Or...unluckily, I don't know.

"There you guys are!"

Lilo walks over to us and flips around a plastic chair so she can sit leaning on its back. She's got on ripped jeans and a red blouse with a hibiscus outline in the corner. Completely used to this scene, her voice cuts through the frantic background noise. "Nani said you got here twenty minutes ago! Why didn't you come and find me?!"

"She said you'd come find us," I replied.

Lilo rolled her eyes, "Ugh, that little...look our usual spot got taken up by all the coolers so everyone's relocated to my room. Come on."

She sits up and I follow suit, Elsa looks understandably confused but does the same. "Aren't we gonna stay out here with all the guests?"

I cast Lilo a knowing glance, and she chuckles, "Do you want all my aunts and uncles to ask you why you're still single?"

"Oh…", Elsa bit her lip- which of fucking course made me lose my breath- and shook her head, "Yeah that doesn't like a...fun time."

With no further questions, we followed Lilo up to her room.

It's smaller than I remember it, but then that's probably because there's eight of us cramped in here and there are only like three chairs (four if you count the already occupied bed).

Rapunzel, Eugene, and Jane are here, along with two of Lilo's cousins. And now Elsa and I have joined the scene, as one of the cousins- I think his name is Rocky- leads a heated conversation. Complete with hand gestures and everything.

"Ah, now the party can officially start!" Rapunzel exclaims as she shimmies out of Eugene's arms, and steps around everyone else, to hug the both of us. "How are you guys?"

"Oof, we're just fine. Suffocating, but other than that..." The giddy blonde is more leaning on us than anything, and Elsa and I both try to keep her from tipping over. It's like 3 PM and she's already tipsy. Man, when Rapunzel lets loose, she really lets loose.

She pulls away and gasps, "OMG, you guys are matching!" Yes, she literally said OMG. "That's so cute! I love you guys so much."

I look at Eugene, "How many has she had?"

He puts up two fingers with an apologetic smile.

She lets us go and heads back into the loving arms of her man, nuzzling right into his chest.

"Sorry bout that," Eugene says with a wave, "Told her to take it easy, but she had a rough day at work."

I groan, "Trust me, I know the feeling." I want to ask for a beer too, but then I remember the last time I got drunk and it puts me off on the idea.

"Well come now, close the door and sit down," Jane said, "Don't want the children finding us here."

Elsa and I find a spot in front of the foot of Lilo's bed, she's obviously much better at sitting on the floor while wearing a dress than I am. She's on her knees with her legs tucked under her butt, but in a way that looks oddly comfortable. More comfortable than the whole "legs to the side thing" that I'm doing. I miss my jeans.

"Been awhile, Anna," Rocky said while leaning forward, "And who's your friend?"

"Elsa," she replies with a neutral smile. "It's nice to meet you…?"

He gets an intrigued grin on his face and raises a very prominent eyebrow, "Well my friends call me Rocky. But you can call me later tonight." Everyone in the room collectively groans.

His sister Moana, sitting next to him, smacked him on the back of his head, "Do you have to hit on all of Lilo's friends? We talked about this."

"Hey don't hate the player, hate the game," Rocky replied while rubbing the back of his head.

Lilo sighed and put a hand on Elsa's shoulder, "Ignore my cousin. He was dropped as a baby."

Elsa giggles, unintentionally brushing up against me, sending tingles down to my fingers. Wow, this is not the time. "Aaaaanyway," I interject, "What were we talking about? Aside from Rocky's shitty excuse of a love life."

"Ha!" Rapunzel interjects like a giddy duck.

It's like this for a little while longer, just a bunch of shit-talking each other until someone pulled out a deck of cards so we could play Slaps. And just like any party at Lilo's house, we stayed to ourselves until Nani called us down to cut the cake.

It felt nice being around friends and just being out, but I couldn't help but keep glancing at Elsa to see how she was doing. I didn't have to do as much as I thought, because she was engaged, smiling and laughing, settling in quickly.

Maybe it helped that she already knew three people in the room. Maybe it helped that I was right next to her. Whatever the reason, she almost made me believe that everything was fine.

But I could see it sometimes with each glance over, especially as more time passed. Her smile was lowering bit by bit, her eyes looked more uncertain. It could have been just her getting tired, and I was intent on asking her once we got downstairs.

It's about 7 in the evening now, which meant the party for all the kids was winding down and the one for the adults was just beginning. All the rookies had left, taking their leftover food home and citing that they had work tomorrow or something, and all my friends were still here ready to tear shit up like we usually do.

But Elsa...I could see it. She wasn't up for that.

After we took our spots in the back of the kitchen, away from the immediate family and cake-cutting crowd, I finally had her to myself and was waiting for an opening. I found it when she closed her eyes for a little longer than a normal blink, and I nudged her with my shoulder, "Hey. You alright?"

Elsa shook her head as if she had just been woken up, "What? Oh, he-hey Anna, I- yeah I'm okay. Just...tired."

I give her a lopsided frown, "Not as fun as you thought it'd be?"

"No! Trust me, I've had a great time, I'm just tired. Yeah, tired. You know my head hurts and all. And it's a little warm in here."

Warm? The kitchen window's open and there's a draft, plus we're sitting right next to the fridge. Well maybe it's because there's a lot of people down here. Or she's more uncomfortable about this than she's leading on.

Elsa rubs the back of her neck, and even though I want to stay, I can't help but ask, "Do you wanna get out of here?"

She sighs, "No, I can't do that to you. You're having a good time too, right?"

"Well of course, but it's not like I'll never see my friends again if we leave," I look towards the bulk of the party where they've sat Stitch down in front of his obnoxiously large cake. His eyes are as wide as his smile, and his blue face paint looks completely natural on him. The ten birthday candles on the cake intrigue the (most likely) future pyromaniac.

No one's paying attention to us, I doubt anyone would notice if we left right now either. "Elsa, come on."

"I'm okay. I-I'm okay. I just gotta step outside for a little bit." Elsa walks towards the front door with a purpose, hand still on her neck.

I don't even hesitate, I follow her out when everyone starts singing "Happy Birthday", but not before shooting a quick text to Lilo that we had to leave.

She had maybe a fifteen-second headstart on me, so I'm not surprised when I don't see her right away. But there's no way she could have gone far. There's cars parked everywhere along Lilo's roundabout, and it's quiet outside save for the wind rustling the trees.

"Elsa?!" I shout. Wait, she probably went back to the car. What am I doing?

I head to where we parked it, and sure enough she's- oh no, this isn't good.

She's leaning on the car with her legs pressed tightly to her chest, heaving and shaking.

I rush to her side, ruining the bottom of my dress with grass and dirt. "Hey, what's going on? Elsa, talk to me." I put a hand on her back and she stiffens up, she's shaking harder than I thought.

Her breath hitches when I put my hand on her, but she doesn't make any other movements to acknowledge my existence. It's like she's trapped somewhere, still in her body but stuck in her mind. "Elsa, I-I need your help right now, okay? I need you to talk to me. What's wrong?"

I try to take one of her hands into mine, to try and show her that I'm not a figment of her imagination or anything, but they're clenched tight onto her legs. I pry her fingers from her right hand away. As soon as I can slip my fingers in between hers, she grasps them like a flytrap. Her grip is so tight that it hurts, but I know she needs this so all I do is wince and bite back a yelp.

Her breaths are short and quick, I'm afraid she's going to pass out. I want to do more, I have to do more, but I don't know what else to do other than this. And the helplessness I feel...I can't imagine what Elsa must be feeling right now.

And then finally I feel her shoulders loosen up just a little bit, and she leans on me. Her head is resting on my chest, my hand is clutched in hers, and her hair smells like pine needles. Not the thing to be thinking about right Anna, what the fuck is wrong with you?

"Elsa come on...talk to me." I start stroking her back, she doesn't say anything so I guess it's okay. Even though it feels smooth and familiar, I try to focus more on if it's helping her or not.

Finally, finally, she replies in a hushed, strained voice: "Anna?"

Her head's still buried, but at least I know she's conscious. I breathe out a sigh of relief, "Hey. Yeah, it's me. I'm right here."

Her breathing slows and her grip loosens on my hand, which helps me breathe a little easier now too. I think the worst is over, I hope the worst is over.

"Anna…" she says again, still quietly like it's hard to speak.

"It's okay," I say soothingly- or at least as soothing as I can, "You don't have to say anything. Just breathe. Just breathe, Elsa."

I don't know what I'm doing, but it seems to be working. She settles down even more as time passes, her breathing's quieter and her grip is pretty loose. Which actually does make me afraid that she has passed out, but when she rubs my hand with her thumb, I know she's still with me.

And now that I know she's okay- well, getting okay- my brain finally has time to fixate on all the...touching.

Her thumb is gently stroking my hand, her breath is tickling my chest, her hair is resting on my shoulder, and of course her dress is just low enough that I feel some of her bare back on my hand. And damn if this isn't driving me fucking crazy.

It's getting to the point where I'm thinking that I should sit her up so the thoughts in my brain can settle the fuck down, but she does that anyway. Which, of course, leaves me with a pang of disappointment.

She sniffles and looks at me, wiping a tear away from her eye. She looks tired, really tired. It's not a sleepy tired either, it's like all of the energy was sucked out of her. She lets out a long, close-eyed breath, and when she reopens her eyes a little bit of that "Elsa" spark is back.

"...sorry about that," she says softly.

I scoff, "Sorry? Elsa, what was that? Are you okay?"

She nods weakly, "Yeah. It was, uh...my anxiety just got really bad. That's all."

I'm still stroking her back. Should I stop? I mean she's not stopping me, but it looks like she's okay now? I...I guess I'll keep doing it. "Does this happen a lot?" I ask, partially just to shut my head up.

Elsa sniffles, "Uh...never this bad. At least not for a while. I haven't had an anxiety attack in a while, I mean."

"Anxiety attack? Is that what that was?"

"Yeah."

"Shit…" I say breathless, "Elsa, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to go through that."

She gives me a weak smile, "It only happens when I'm feeling really overwhelmed. There were a lot of people at that party."

"Ugh, damn it I knew I shouldn't have-"

Fuck, her hand's on mine again.

"Anna, don't blame yourself," Elsa says with a serious expression that really just...gah it burns me up. "This isn't your fault, it's my anxiety. This happens, and sometimes it's bad, but most of the time it's manageable."

"Well is there anything I can do now that I know this happens? Seeing you made me feel so-"

"Helpless?"

"...yeah."

The smile is back, thank goodness. "I know the feeling. There's nothing you…could you just hold me?"

...did I hear that right? Fuck it, I do it anyway. I wrap my hand around her shoulders as she scooches in closer, and my other hand reaches over so I can hold her with both of them.

Her hands gently rest on my arm, and she sweetly says, "Thank you, Anna."

The bottom of my dress is fucking ruined by now, and so is hers probably. Anyone could leave the house at any point and see us. My heart's racing so fast that I'm afraid Elsa can hear it. And my knees are starting to hurt.

But none of that matters right now. Elsa asked me to hold her, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Even when a thought pops into my head that I don't want to think about.

A/N: I know that a chapter involving a ton of people in one crowded place seems like it's in bad taste right now- given the current world situation- but I wrote this weeks ago so that makes it okay.