I was selected for a very good supervisory position at the local Sheriff's department. I was one of 40 applicants. I made it past the panel interview. I made it past the follow-up interview offered only to the finalists. I made through an interview with my potential direct reports. I received a conditional job offer. Then there was the polygraph.



Before the polygraph I confessed to my background check investigator that I was unsure whether I was using a legal copy of some software (Dreamweaver). I develop training at my present employer and use Dreamweaver as one of the tools. I installed a copy of the software at home in order to do work at home. At the time of my interview I said I was not sure whether the copy was legal. (After my polygraph test I researched the software license and discovered that the copy I installed on my home computer was, in fact, legal.)



During the baseline portion of the polygraph exam I said the same thing about the software but was sternly warned by the detective to get this settled before the background check.



He then went into a series of dozens of questions over a period of about an hour. Here's what happened.



Several questions were really offensive to me. Have you ever masturbated at work? (Yes) Then he dug in his heels. How many times? What aroused you? Etc. Have you exposed yourself in public? (Yes) What was that? (I went to a nude beach with my wife in Jamaica.) Have you ever had sex in public? Have you ever looked at porn at your company. (Yes, once on a friend's computer when we first got internet access and didn't know the rules. And once on my machine shortly thereafter just because. Nothing for the past 11 years though.) On and on. I started thinking this guy was a pervert.



Have you ever done anything for which you or the department could be blackmailed? (I confessed an indescretion, not illegal, that took place about six years ago.) Have you ever stolen anything? (Yes, I shoplifted bubble gum as a kid.) I also confessed switching price tags as a 14-year-old.



My goal was to be completely honest no matter how painful.



Then came the polygraph itself. The detective said, "Now we're going to find out if you know how to tell the truth." (Arrogant little SOB.)



Have you ever lied to your boss? (Yes.) When did this happen? (I don't know. But I've been working for 40 years so I must have lied to my boss at some point in time.) Have you ever lied to your boss at your present employer? (No. But I was REALLY nervous by now.)



Have you ever stolen from your employer? (Yes... thinking of my software dilemma.)



Have you ever stolen time from your employer? (No... hesitation.) What does that mean? (Well, I've always been salaried and I personally feel guilty if I work less than 40 hours even if I sometimes also work 100.) Followup... Have you ever stolen time from your employer? (Yes... more hesitation.)



I'm a Myers-Briggs expert. I'm an NF temperament. Susceptable to guilt. NFs are also very much NOT black and white oriented. So, at one time a senior executive told our entire group that we "stole from the company" when we had a long Christmas off-site group event during work hours. Even though it was with the permission of our boss. I remembered that when asked if I stole time from my company. Legally and ethically I did not steal. In my guilty gut I did. So I confessed.



I am also not a black and white person. So to me there are few yes/no type of questions. So I got really nervous and just struggled. I often said yes in responses to questions just to be sure I was not lying. In fact, though, I would have been less than honest by saying either yes or no. But I followed the rules in an attempt to cooperate. The examiner said I had to answer yes or no... so I did.



My hands got so sweaty that he had to use contacts attached to the top of my hands. He had to stop the test early on because I was involuntarily taking deep breaths and moving my head. Then the test was re-started. I was so nervous from the pre-test baseline questions that I was completely flustered.



The detective finally said, "Okay, we're done." He got up and disconnected me from the machine. It was then that I saw a small smile cross his face. I'm sure he was thinking, "Hah... I have now successfully protected the department from another lying slime-ball."



Never mind that I have never been arrested. I've had one moving violation. I've never experimented with drugs. I'm not into porn. I'm a conscientious employee. Maybe too conscientious.



I got home and told my wife that there was no way I passed the test. Sure enough, I got a note stating that I had been eliminated for consideration for this very good job.



I didn't lie. I'm not deceptive. But I also see much of life in shades of gray not black and white. I'm also a very strong Christian and therefore I know that there is only one source of truth and it's not me.



The department lost a very good, moral, honest, and intelligent employee. I have years of experience and a Ph.D. in the field I was about to join.



And I'm suffering a severe case of guilt. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I feel like my character has been smeared. I have a big heart and a strong mind. I over-think many things. So my answers seem evasive, I suppose. But to me nothing is as simple as it seems.



I was interviewed by a man who sees life in a very binary way. To him I suppose the truth is simple. To me, it's not.



This was a TERRIBLE day for me. I won't get over the emotional trauma any time soon. It hurts me to my core. So my advise to you is that you are a caring and sensitive person who wants to please and seeks to tell the truth. DO NOT APPLY for a job in law enforcement if a polygraph is a condition of employment.