Most movies show post-coitus couples in the most idealistic light. Men are usually drenched in a sheen of sweat that suggests their admirable stamina, while women are shown with suspiciously gorgeous hair and bathed in the blush of orgasmic bliss. For many couples, this isn’t an accurate portrayal of the minutes spent after the deed.

What would my post-coital movie moments look like? Well, a few years ago, it would have included me slinking out of my partner’s arms, strolling over to a mini-fridge to retrieve an ice pack, then trying to hop back into bed casually.

Then my partner would utter the fatal question: “Wait, that ice pack goes where?”

If you’re a dyspareunia sufferer, then post-coital bliss may have lost all meaning for you. Instead, you might be spending those precious moments of intimacy with your partner trying to control the pain that hits you afterward.

If you’re one of the lucky dyspareunia sufferers that are able to enjoy sex overall, then congratulations! But when you’re able to enjoy completing the act itself, then it’s likely your pain will quickly come knocking on your door afterward. That prized post-coital bliss can quickly turn into “pay the piper” time.

This is especially the case for women with pelvic floor dysfunction, vaginismus, and other pelvic muscle problems. The muscles will tense up during sex and, while not always noticeable during the act itself, afterward they will ache intensely. This usually feels like a burning sensation.

Though my nerve problem had been treated with medications, I struggled to control my pelvic floor muscles and often experienced this post-coital muscle burn. If you have a similar condition, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

How do I cope with post-coital pain today? In truth, I have much more control over my muscles now, so that annoying burn is minimal now. I usually just ride it out. But it wasn’t always like that. Sometimes gritting your teeth and sucking it up simply isn’t good enough.

Here are some great methods for helping prevent and soothe post-coital pain. Some of these tips could also be useful for women experiencing non-chronic pain such as pre-period sensitivity, vaginal dryness, or a particularly stressful day (yes, this can cause problems). Not all of these methods will work for everyone — it’s all about trial and error!

Proactive Pill Pop



Time to turn to the most famous pain killing move of them all! For milder forms of pelvic pain, you can simply pop a pill to help relieve the pain. If you’re expecting to have sex within the next hour or two, pop an over-the-counter pain killer like ibuprofen and enjoy a pain-free ride! Many women have reported that this can dull the pain for some conditions to the point where they can enjoy themselves. The key is to take it in that sweet window of time about an hour before you have sex. Difficult for maintaining spontaneity, but great for your vagina!

Pre-Whoopee Meditation

Chronic pain is inherently connected with stress and anxiety. This is especially true if your pelvic pain stems from your pelvic floor muscles. One of the most important elements of reducing sexual pain is learning how to relax. But with modern life becoming busier and more stressful than ever, this is much easier said than done. Luckily, meditation can really help you loosen up — and reduce pain during sex.

I’m not suggesting that in the midst of a hot and heavy you push your partner away and begin chanting your mantras, but it’s important to be proactive. If you and your partner both work full time, you can predict what times you’re most likely to have sex. But if you have a more unpredictable schedule, this can be a challenge. One way to ensure that you’re mentally prepared for sex at different times in the day is to kick off your morning with a focused meditation session. Not only is this great for your sex life, but there’s evidence to suggest that it’s great for productivity levels and mental health in general.

(Side note for skeptics: Because meditation is often shown in a religious context, some believe that you must be religious to benefit from this activity. Meditation isn’t exclusively meant for “spiritual” people. Though it can certainly serve religious or spiritual purposes, it can also be a simple way to organize and calm your thoughts. Many doctors incorporate meditation and stress relief exercises into their treatment plans for pain patients.)

Lounge in a Warm Bath

Warm (not scorching hot) baths are a fantastic remedy for many different kinds of pain, pelvic pain included. It’s a great chance to take some quiet time to yourself and de-stress. Make sure you put on some peaceful background music or read a book to unwind.

Physiologically, taking a warm bath before having sex increases circulation to that region, which is great for loosening up the pelvic floor muscles. Increase the muscular benefits by adding Epsom salts to your bath.

Keep in mind that using scented or soapy products isn’t a good way to go if you have vulvodynia or unidentified pelvic pain. Though aromatherapy can be relaxing, the oils and/or chemicals used in these products are potential irritants for vulvar tissues. The effect of scented products on pelvic pain varies depending on the condition, but if you’re not sure, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Stick to a scented candle or incense for aromatherapy benefits!

Pelvic Floor Exercises or Stretches



If you have a tight pelvic floor or some kind of pelvic floor dysfunction, then this is essential. You should be doing exercises and stretches prescribed by your specialist or physical therapist every day.

Because it’s so simple, it becomes an easy obligation to blow off, but don’t do it. Make it a priority. Incorporate it into your daily routine. The more you stretch and understand how to work those muscles, the less pain you’ll feel during sex. Like any other form of exercise, it requires focus and dedication. Doing a few simple stretches before getting it on can mean the difference between post-coital agony or post-coital bliss.

A Little Lube Goes A Long Way

This may seem like a no-brainer, but don’t be afraid to use a little lubricant. The easier things can slide around, the less stress you’re putting on your vaginal tissue and pelvic muscles. Some younger women will avoid using lubricants because they take it as a personal affront to their ability to get juicy downstairs. Don’t look at it like a challenge. Your natural lubricants are great, but sometimes you might need a little boost.

Water-based lubricants tend to be the least irritating products you can find on regular store shelves, but there are all-natural and specialized lubricants that you can find online. If you have vulvodynia or unidentified pelvic pain, choose your products wisely. Steer clear of them entirely if you’ve been advised to do so by your doctor.

Post-Whoopee Ice Packs



When I first started going to physical therapy, my therapist handed me two “ice packs” to help me with my post-coital pain. They were nothing like any ice packs I’ve ever seen before. One was a doubled up latex condom filled with icy hot, and the other looked like a tiny test tube filled with vodka. But they were both were ice cold to the touch — and that was the important part. The condom ice pack was intended for exterior pain, while the test tube was used for interior pain. For how ridiculous they looked, I was surprised by how much they helped.

Is sticking an ice pack on your crotch the most flattering thing to do once the deed is done? Nope. Does it work? Totally. This option comes highly recommend for women experiencing unbearable post-coital burn or nerve pain.

Don’t Ignore Your Body

Please keep in mind that if you’re not sure what’s causing your pain, it’s best to refrain from sexual activity until you see a specialist and they give you the green light. Pain is your body’s way of trying to tell you something. Ignoring pain during intercourse can sometimes make matters worse. As always, be sure to consult your doctor if you are having chronic pelvic pain and ask them how to proceed. These methods are only intended for women who have been told that having sex will not worsen their pain.

