Welcome to the Fan Misery Index. I assume that all SB Nation football blogs in Texas automatically redirect here today.

As usual if you are unfamiliar with the rules of the FMI you can catch up with them here and here.

We made history this week, in the same sense that someone was the first person to powerslide a riding lawnmower into a grain silo. For only the second time in history, all five of the P5 football teams in Texas lost on the same weekend. Way to go everyone, it took all of us failing together to accomplish something so majestic. There is no ‘i’ in team, but there are twenty-six of them in “shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit football in Texas is bad”. Miserable, even.

Let’s take a look at the big board.

MISERY OF NOTE

The real heroes of the Fan Misery Index this week are the Colorado Buffaloes. The hippies spent four straight weeks in the First Circle earlier this season but lo how they have fallen. Colorado is the first team in FMI history to lose to a Ninth Circle team, choking away a 31-3 third quarter lead over the Oregon State Beavers at home in Boulder. God bless this stupid sport and its miserable idiot fans.

We’re getting a little bottom heavy in Miseryland. There is probably some mathematic proof that states that teams will tend to gravitate to the two extremes over a long enough time line. For that reason I am most fascinated by the rollercoaster teams that move up and down with whatever the sad version of whimsy is. For my money, keep an eye on Mississippi State and Maryland, who have done more level jumping than coked-out Mario speed run.

ERRATA I finally took the time to go back through the weeks and double check my demonstrably shoddy work maintaining this metric. In the process I identified a number of teams that were incorrectly ranked for various reasons. Those teams and reasons have been corrected in the graphic above, and are as follows:

Florida State - dropped a level I think because I forgot to count Miami as a rival

Pitt - dropped a level because I forgot to count Penn State as a rival

Penn State - see above

Virginia Tech - I missed their double-jump in week 1

Illinois - dropped one level, not sure what I missed before

Wisconsin - up one level because I missed their unranked win over Iowa

Stanford - up one level after counting USC as a rival

USC - down TWO levels, one for Stanford and one for their double-drop against Texas

Auburn - dropped a level, not sure what I missed

Consider the Fan Misery Index officially current and correct until whatever I screw up next.