So a bit of a preamble, after watching RWBY vol. 3 - episode 2, the JNPR vs BRNZ fight seemed a bit lackluster. Wanting to understand why and perhaps trying to learn a bit more on how to choreograph action scenes, I’ve tried to deconstruct the sequence to find out what appealed to me and what didn’t.

Now, there are numerous factors at play that may dictate why the scene had to play out the way it did. Perhaps there is an overarching scheme and the power levels of the teams will play a part later. Perhaps there are hints that I have missed and will be revealed later.

Regardless, these are just a few things I noticed with my current understanding. It’s all in good fun to try and improve. Please beware of spoilers. Also beware of wall of text.



After the deconstruction, I would like to give my take and revision on the scene. Please enjoy.

Let us start with the positive: we got to see Nora’s semblance! Based on her character’s inspiration, it was a nice fit and complimented well in her fighting style; being similar to Yang’s powerhouse style, their semblances are very reminiscent of each others’.

As big an impact of finally getting clarification on her semblance, the method of delivery for the information fell a bit short.

Recapping the scene, Ren faces off Nolan who uses an electric baton. With a series of strikes that left Ren reeling, Nolan faces off Nora who charges forward and receives the attack.



There is a pause in action as Port and Oobleck discuss how the attack is ineffective against Nora as her semblance converts all of that electricity into power and a weak “What?” was all Nolan managed before the Valkyrie sent him flying.

The second pause in battle occurs when the girls of RWBY cheer on their friends. Now, this is my personal thought, but Weiss’ compliment of Jaune’s improvement was unnecessary. Perhaps it was a lead in to Yang complimenting Pyrrha’s own skills, but it drew unnecessary attention to Jaune’s own.

No doubt what Weiss said was true; Jaune has improved a bit from the previous volumes. But I believe it would have been a stronger impact to let the audience come to that conclusion through showing, instead of telling outright.



By having Weiss say that aloud, it feels somewhat implied to the audience instead of giving concrete examples. This is a especially jarring as well because the scene immediately prior showed Jaune charging into battle again after taking a disorienting hit… but said hit was due to his shield bending and smacking him in the face. It felt almost like it was played for humor?

There was enough evidence before then to show Jaune being observant of his surroundings, from noticing the sniper position to telling Nora to charge herself using a storm cloud.



Still, the first two lulls in battle set the pace for a larger and more egregious break: Jaune’s code-name attacks.

Perhaps the weakest point in the entire fight, all action is suspended as team JNPR tries to figure out their attack names. BRNZ even grouped together and asked them what they were doing.

In any extended action sequence, a breather is necessary. One amazing movement into the next builds the anticipation but at some point, the audience needs to take stock of what just happened lest everything becomes an adrenaline blur. Let the awesomeness register for a second before proceeding to the next breath-taking sequence.

The key is timing.

Too short and there is not enough time to breathe, too long and the pacing gets interrupted.

Equally important is to never let the tension fully go away. The breather may not have characters moving around too much, perhaps even having the characters take stock of the situation as well and there is a dip. But the tension should not be dropped by a significant amount, else all that hard work earlier is wasted.



Certainly, the debacle can be played for laughs, that JNPR, and Jaune in particular, did not realize that they were still in the middle of a fight. Perhaps it plays into how his inexperience affects his team.

No matter the reason, the tension built up to that point was lost. The battle then ended with a single swing from Nora, hammering a sucker punch to the opposing team, and winning in one fell swoop.

To me, this was what caused the most… disappointment? With the build up, the characters playing off of each other, slight teamwork such as Pyrrha defending Nora, team BRNZ gathering together and looking to face off JNPR head on, the conclusion we received didn’t respond to any of that.



If Nora was able to take out all of the opponents in one attack, was any of the earlier build up necessary? Only marginally if one wanted to argue her powering up using the storm cloud.

All the energy and tension we as the audience have built up has nowhere to go, and so we are left with that frustrating moment of searching for a release.



Compare this ending to how RWBY’s fight ended. Team ABRN was also knocked out with one attack (…most of team NDGO as well actually, which felt a bit repetitive…), but we get to see the girls work together in setting up the attack and the excitement we had built up over the course of seeing them taking their hits and covering for each other made the explosive ending feel so rewarding.

With Nora ending the fight so quickly, it felt like luck that the opponent just grouped up and stood there, not doing anything while they had their talk. It felt like a sequence where, were it to happen anywhere else, their opponents would have rightfully assaulted them while they were unprepared.

This trend of not punishing mistakes seem rather prevalent in JNPR’s history, mostly directed towards Jaune. Despite his numerous shortcomings, we never really see him suffer for it, and so it undermines the struggles and rewards of others who do have to work hard.



Because their victory didn’t feel rightfully earned, any enjoyment out of that fight seems hollow. A similar situation occurs in SSSN’s fight with NDGO, though we don’t have time here to discuss it unfortunately.

Back to how BRNZ lost so quickly, we can surmise one possibility in that they are weak. They did clump together and Nora’s attack did take them by surprise. However, showing victory over a weaker opponent tends to end with a mediocre reaction.

There are exceptions of course. Numerous films, cartoons, and anime do show the protagonist(s) soundly defeating their enemies with nary a sweat, but these sequences tend to be over the top and serves as a story element to firmly cement said characters as the overpowered exceptions in their world. JNPR doesn’t really fit this category…

Well, the main points can be summarized as follows:

- The good: revealing character ability, showcase teamwork

- The bad: interrupted flow of action (pacing), final outcome does not seem earned

Now, I personally dislike to harp on something without offering anything in return. So using this time, I’d like to write how the scene could have been improved in my opinion.



A few rules though:

- Must give the important information the canon scene gave

- Must end with the same outcome

- Must be relatively in the same time length

As for style, I am more comfortable with narrative prose, but since RWBY is a show with visual-audio media, I think it is only appropriate to write like this (also because this is my first time writing in a screenplay format and I’d like to use this chance to learn~ ;p ).



Prose has the advantage of spending time to detail certain thoughts or observations to help the flow and pacing of the story. On the screen though, you can only tell the story through actions, dialogue, and expressions. Monologues can work for thoughts and ideas, but are rarely applicable in an action sequence such as this.

So let’s see how well I’ll crash at writing this:

FADE IN:

INT./EXT. AMITY COLOSSEUM - ARENA



The audience cheers as team JNPR and BRNZ eye their opponents and grip their weapons.

PORT

(along with the cheering crowds)

3… 2… 1… BEGIN!



While three of BRNZ’s members rush forward to meet JNPR, May dashes backwards into the thick of verdant green forest. Brawnz clashes with Pyrrha, his kick skidding her back, but her xiphos blocks his claws and retaliates with a slash.

Across from Pyrrha, Ren faces Nolan, Stormflower at the ready against the boy’s electric baton. Before either could engage, Nolan is forced to duck as Magnhild nearly grazes him. In response, his weapon flies forward.

Meanwhile, May hooks her rifle on a branch and swings herself into the canopies for cover and vantage superiority. From her perch, the entire field lays bared, her team and opponents scurry below as she smirks.



Seeing Nolan pressured by two enemies at once, she quickly fires shots in rapid succession, forgoing accuracy for suppression.

Ren hops back as a burst explodes near his foot and he swivels his head in trying to find the sniper. Two more shots impact the mountain behind him and rain down rocks and debris.



Jaune struggles as Roy’s buzzsaw arm guards smash against his shield. Each blow sends him further and further back and a well placed strike nearly spins him.

In that tilt, Jaune sees the bullets arcing over to his friends and his eyes trail to a tiny glint in the dark green leaves.

His eyes widen and his shield goes up just as a bullet smashes into him and knocks him backwards.

JAUNE

(eyes wide and panicking)

R-r-retreat!

Pyrrha jumps to his side and together they cover for Ren and Nora as all four hide behind the mountain debris. She blocks one final shot and makes sure Jaune is safely behind cover as well before landing beside them. Her shield arm is still raised as shots strafe closely overhead.

PYRRHA

What do we do?



Jaune peeks out to see the three melee fighters advancing and ducks down as a shot nearly takes out his head.

JAUNE

Spread out! Try to keep moving!

Pyrrha, Ren, and Nora all jump backwards as the three melee fighters of BRNZ vault over their cover. Jaune blocks Brawnz’s punch as more shots pepper the ground and throws up plumes of dust that obscures the view.

The dust is mirrored in May’s sniper scope and she jumps to even higher branches and takes aim once more.

Pyrrha draws Brawnz’s attention and forces him off Jaune by lunging at him with a slash.



Further away, Ren skids to a stop as Nolan blocks his path. Nolan casts a glance towards the trees with a subtle nod.



Shots are fired at Ren’s feet, forcing him to jump around to dodge, and the moment he lands, Nolan strikes his head with the baton.

Ren tries to counter with a kick, but Nolan ducks underneath and strikes at his knee.



A final thrust to Ren’s chest with the baton and electricity crackles as it surges through him.

Ren collapses on the ground as smoke rises from his body.

NORA

Ren!

Nora swings her hammer, but Nolan dodges and strikes her elbow and lets loose his electrical attack. Not giving her a chance to retaliate, he continues to disable her major joints by jabbing and electrocuting her shoulders, hips, elbows, and knees. He does not pause even as Port and Oobleck’s commentary plays in the background.



Nora looks as if she is unable to block the quick strikes, but though her head is down, a small grin forms.

PORT

Oh-ho! Now we see the importance of Semblances!

Nolan’s finishing strike jams into Nora’s abdomen. A small amount of blue electricity crackles around her before an enormous surge of electricity lights her up.



OOBLECK

Yes, Ms. Valkyrie’s Semblance lets her produce, as well as channel, electrical energy straight to her muscles!

NOLAN

(Eyes wide in shock)

What?

Focus is placed on Nora as the blue electricity near her skin turns pink and the change spreads to the rest of the electricity.

OOBLECK

This allows her to jump explosively into the air, wield her mighty hammer, or in this case, absorb Nolan’s attacks and send the young man flying!



NOLAN

What?!

Nolan tries to pull back his baton, but Nora clamps onto it with her free hand. Her shoulders shake slightly as her evil chuckle matches her evil expression.

Nolan struggles to try and escape, but Nora and the baton does not budge even in the slightest.



Instead, she pulls the baton even closer and he smiles sheepishly as he holds up his empty hand in surrender.

Nora visibly flexes and streamers of pink lightning courses through her body. Her hand lets go of the baton, but before Nolan could step back, her hammer smashes into him.

Nolan crashes through a rock and stops, but he remains unmoving.

Jaune hears a crackle behind him and looks up and sees a storm brewing near the mountain top.

JAUNE

Nora! Get to the mountain!

NORA

(Salutes)

You got it!

She runs towards the mountain, leaping onto the cliff side and scales the vertical surface.

A shot whizzes by them and nearly hits Nora, but she manages to swing away in time.

JAUNE

Ren! Try and distract the sniper!

Another shot nearly clips Ren’s head.

REN

(Slighty ducked and sarcastic)

Sure… why not…

He sighs and rolls his head, but runs forward anyways.

Pyrrha performs a series of slashes that are blocked by Brawnz. Roy dashes in from the side and punches twice, his buzzsaws flying forward and ready to cut Pyrrha while she was focused on Brawnz.

Jaune jumps in the way with his shield, blocking both saws though the impact alone breaks his stance and makes him stumble a few steps backward.



He plants his rear foot down hard to stop before bumping into Pyrrha and redoubles his efforts to block the next attack.



Cut to team RWBY in the stands watching eagerly.

RUBY

Ooooh~! Nice! Nice! Nice!

WEISS

Well, they are certainly improving.

YANG

How could they not with Pyrrha on their team?



Cut back to Jaune blocking another punch from Roy. Angling his shield, the next punch pushes Jaune down, but as Jaune takes a knee, Pyrrha suddenly appears above him, one hand planted on his shoulder.

Twisting, Pyrrha uses her hand as a pivot and spin kicks Roy upside his head, sending him flying.



Pyrrha pushes down, flips off of Jaune, and pursues Roy as Jaune rolls with the momentum, turning and swinging his sword out to meet Brawnz’s claws.

Meanwhile, Ren runs towards May’s direction and even slides under Pyrrha’s flip-dive, but he is intercepted by Nolan.

Ren open fires at Nolan while closing the distance and switches to his blades once at close range. Now that he knows how Nolan fights, he blocks and flicks the electric tip of the baton away until he manages to catch the weapon between his own and double-kicks his opponent.



Spinning both Nolan and himself around, he places Nolan in May’s line of fire, forcing the girl to pick another target.

May swivels her scope and targets Jaune and Pyrrha, but their movements and shields get in the way. Instead, she aims higher at Nora who is near the top of the mountain.

Ren realizes this and his eyes widen.



REN

Nora!

Pyrrha lands a heavy blow against Roy and pushes him away. She turns to face Ren and immediately understands.

PYRRHA

Jaune!

Pyrrha taps her shield twice with her blade to signal Jaune as she runs towards him.

Jaune shoves his shield forward to disengage from Brawnz and takes his position.

Pyrrha throws her shield forward without breaking her stride. It smacks Brawnz from the side and bounces off into the sky as Pyrrha leaps onto Jaune’s shield.

He launches her upwards as her shield circles around and hooks back onto her arm just in time to receive May’s shot and protect Nora.

Nora has reached the pinnacle and raises Magnhild. Lightning strikes around her before drawing towards the metal weapon.

She laughs as Magnhild switches to its grenade launcher form and a barrage of six grenades are blasted forward.

May lowers her gun to see the six oncoming shots arranged like a giant pink heart.

She looks left and right and realizes that the expanding heart covers her options. There is only one way out. She gulps as she runs forward on her branch, uses it as a spring board and launches herself right through the middle of the heart!

Twisting midair into a Fosbury Flop, she manages to clear the grenades by mere centimeters.

Cracking an eye open, she saw that the grenades are going to scatter and absolutely demolish their forested area, removing their cover and potentially harming her teammates in the blast radius.

MAY

(Wince and whimpers slightly)



She draws her gun and snipes down three of the grenades, causing them to explode in midair.



The remaining three crash into the forest and incinerate large swathes of undergrowth in pink plumes of smoke.

The grenades in midair exploded too closely to May though and she falls out of the cloud of pink in the sky, only for Nolan to rush forward and catch her in his arms.

She breathes heavily and damage is clearly visible on her skin and clothes. Her Aura indicator drops to nearly 30%, but she isn’t quite out yet.



Her eyes open and she gaze appreciatively at her teammate.



Roy immediately lands in front of them and uses his buzzsaw bracers to block a few shots from Ren who continues to pressure from his direction.

Brawnz punches Jaune aside as he makes his way over to his team, ducking and rolling over Pyrrha’s rifle shots. One of her shots that would have hit him is knocked out of the way by May’s own shot.

Even while Nolan has to support her for her to stand, her rifle is held with one hand as she struggles to return fire and offer any kind of cover she could.

BRAWNZ

Regroup!



The moment Brawnz makes it to his team, Jaune calls out.

JAUNE

(Point his sword forward like he is leading a charge)

This is it, guys! Let’s finish them with a team attack! Ren! Nora! Flower Power!

NORA

(Calling out from really far away on top of the mountain)

Wait, what’s that?



REN

(Shrugs while he keeps shooting)



JAUNE

(Sputtering at first)

L-like we practiced and-and… nevermind.

JAUNE

(Dejected)

Nora, just do what you do best.

Nora grins and lightning flashes ominously behind her.

Magnhild extends back into its hammer form as Nora takes a running leap.

Ren quickly flips backwards as Nora’s shadow flies overhead.

She descends near team BRNZ and her hammer smashes the ground right in front of them!

An earthquake rocks the arena as everyone except Nora is sent to the ground. Team BRNZ, being nearest to the epicenter, is hit worst and sprawls to the ground, unable to move.



Nora’s attack is so strong that it lifts up large pieces of the terrain. One piece in particular is the mass below BRNZ.

Nora lands and takes a batting stance, her hands squeeze around Magnhild’s shaft.

NORA

Batter up!

With a full-force swing that leaves behind lightning and shockwaves, Nora rockets the piece of terrain with BRNZ on it straight out of the arena!



The terrain shatters against the force field surrounding the arena and crumbles away, revealing BRNZ flattened against the force field as well. They slide down with their arms and legs at odd angles.



Everyone is silent for a moment as some still have to pick themselves off the floor. Jaune, Pyrrha, and Ren slowly stand up as well and Nora bounces over to join them to an increasingly loud audience’s cheers and claps.

PORT

And with that, team JNPR wins by knockout, literally! …Can someone go make sure BRNZ is okay?

FADE OUT



So there you have it, my little re-envisioning of how the sequence could have played out. I feel this utilizes more of the characters in more ways and showcases a bit more of their combination work. To me, the main appeal of these early episodes are when they are still fighting as a whole team.

I hope I’ve managed to smooth out some of the glaring pauses in battle and direct more of the attention to the actions going on while also showing the teamwork present in both teams.

Emphasizing Jaune’s growth as a leader is fine, but it shouldn’t be done at the detriment of his teammates. Tiny moments where Pyrrha subtly takes command shows her experience and willingness to let Jaune lead and learn while still keeping him and the others protected. It is an initiative that seems fitting of her, and yet is rarely played.



Ah~ writing like this feels… very different. But also refreshing. Please forgive me if I have made any errors in the screenplay format.



I would have liked to change the ending since RWBY already did a simultaneous knockout with their powerhouse member, but in following with the rule to keep the outcome the same… Likewise, I felt some of the dialogue could have been removed entirely, but oh well.

So agree or disagree?



If anyone has any tips or suggestions on what else could have been done or how the scene (canon or mine) can be improved or about screenplay writing in general, feel free to ask, message, or submit your thoughts.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope I can improve even further!

