“I’ve always hated the bells. They ring for horror, a dead king, a city under siege.”

King Joffrey orders Sansa to kiss his new sword, Hearteater.

Writer(s): George R. R. Martin

Director: Neil Marshall

Events: Stannis Baratheon’s fleet arrive in Blackwater Bay and attempt to invade King’s Landing to seize the Iron Throne; under guard and confined to the Red Keep with the women and children, Cersei drinks and torments Sansa; Tyrion Lannister leads the defence of the capital, as the true face of war leaves the Hound feeling broken.

IF YOU’RE NOT CAUGHT UP, DON’T CARRY ON.

To listen along, just press play:

‘Blackwater’, without a shadow of a doubt, is Game of Thrones’ first ten-out-of-ten episode. It’s not the last, because there are still some terrific penultimate episodes and season finales still awaiting us, but it punches so far above its weight that its achievements feel completely remarkable and are worth their weight in Lannister gold. Where ‘Hardhome (5x08)’ and ‘The Winds of Winter (6x10)’ benefited from the freedom of an expanded budget and the artistic license to display events not covered by the books, and where ‘The Rains of Castamere (3x09)’ and ‘The Children (4x10)’ had the full weight of lengthy, emotionally taxing arcs behind them, ‘Blackwater’ had much shakier foundations to stand on. Its purse strings were pulled tight, it’s the show’s first attempt at standing in one location for the hour, and one of the armies fighting in this epic battle was only introduced eight episodes previously. Despite starting with something of a losing hand, ‘Blackwater’ — driven by George R. R. Martin’s tremendously rich script — launches itself, over its fifty-four minutes, into contention for the title of being Game of Thrones’ greatest ever episode.



Much like Matt Shakman’s close attention to Jaime Lannister’s thought processes during ‘The Spoils of War (7x04)’, as he becomes increasingly broken by the sight of burning bodies, G.R.R.M. and director Neil Marshall never lose sight of war’s true face (“Some of those boys will never come back”). After watching him plan the defence of the city over the previous handful of episodes, we finally get to see Tyrion’s efforts in action. Only, instead of celebrating his achievement of planning a successful resistance to Stannis’ invasion, the true horror of war and the incomprehensible fright of being on the frontlines of a battle are constantly displayed through his reactions and decision making. Planning to destroy a fleet of ships with wildfire is one thing, but watching that wildfire explode with a boom much larger than expected is almost too much for him to witness. The screams of thousands of young men — “brave men” — echoing across the water should be music to Tyrion’s ears, but he’s too human and too unexposed to war to feel anything other than horror and remorse. He’s not broken enough to be numbed by the prospect of death. He’s placed a large dent in his enemy’s forces, but only by causing mass collateral damage and murdering thousands of young boys, who were filled with nothing but loyalty and a devotion to honour.



It’s something he recognises after Joffrey takes any excuse to flee from the battlements. He leads the sneak attack around the rear of Stannis’ forces, who’ve begun to break through the Mud Gate. He recognises that the soldiers trying to invade the city are ordinary boys — they’re not evil men and Stannis wouldn’t necessarily be an evil king (in fact, I imagine Tyrion would prefer Stannis as king under different circumstances), but his surname will have him butchered if the city walls are breached. “Those are brave men knocking at our door”, he admits, “Let’s go kill them!” he commands, voice breaking all the while. He’s fighting not out of a thirst for glory, or to be recognised, or to have his name sung by every Lannister soldier in every tavern through the land, he’s just desperately trying to survive while chaos burns around him.



Elsewhere on the battlefield, ‘Blackwater’ picks on Sandor Clegane (“the Hound”) to display similar themes. He’s an experienced, cold-blooded killer whose only sensitive moments have only been exposed in serious life or death situations thus far (saving Sansa here, saving an anonymous night at Robert’s tourney there). He briefly squares up to Bronn and remarks that they both “love” killing, but his behaviour during the battle confirms that it’s all been for show. Where Bronn can brush off triggering a wildfire explosion, the Hound is deeply affected by the sight of fire, blood, and death, more so than Tyrion. He enters the battlefield screaming the episode’s most hilariously callous warning to his ramshackle band of boys (“Any man dies with a clean sword, I’ll rape his fucking corpse!”), but leaves it in complete silence before the fighting is done. War has destroyed him, and it’s made him feel fear — it forces him to re-evaluate his entire existence up to that moment. Drenched in blood and standing shattered to bits in front of his king, he rids himself of his occupation, refuses orders, and leaves the royal service for good, and all in a single sentence: “Fuck the Kingsguard. Fuck the city. Fuck the king.”



And yet, despite all this, the episode somehow belongs to a character who doesn’t step foot onto the battlefield. Cersei Lannister, to this day, remains one of the show’s most fascinating, well-rounded, and (let’s face it) best characters. On the surface she’s the definition of pure evil: she murdered her husband, beheaded Ned Stark, and had her own son placed on the Iron Throne so she could influence him and technically the rule the country herself. But she’s also a woman who — at least from her perspective — endured a prolonged, abusive marriage to a violent, drunken fool who never once loved her, and, over the course of her upbringing and adulthood, been completely broken by the men surrounding her.



‘Blackwater’ sees her drink copious amounts of alcohol as she torments Sansa simply by brutally summarising the reality she’s only recently been exposed to — that her transition through puberty from childhood into womanhood won’t be some magical journey filled with castles and children and benevolent princes. That she’s now “fair game” to the violent men of Westeros who are out there cutting holes is each other (“The men will bleed out there and you will bleed in here”); that she’ll be married off by her mentors; treated like a second-class citizen by her contemporaries; and that the only way to provide herself with any relief is to simply endure it or weaponise her sexuality. Considering Sansa’s just thirteen years old, Cersei’s behaviour is somewhat irresponsible, and everything Cersei says is accompanied by the sight of her dancing wine glass — but she’s arguably imparting the wisdom she wishes she’d had. It’s strange to feel anything other than gleeful hatred towards Cersei, but she’s been so completely and utterly defeated by masculinity’s destruction that, at her drunken wits end, she’s able to let it completely loose.



So, hats off to George R. R. Martin and Neil Marshall for creating this episode. Game of Thrones, even five and six years on from this episode, continues to ensure that the series’ anti-war message lives on its more visually spectacular battle sequences, but not since ‘Blackwater’ has a battle taken place and still applied such attention to character detail. It had its hand forced by the shoestring budget — at least when compared to later battles — but Tyrion, the Hound and Cersei are all so incredibly impacted by the events in this episode that they’re never the same again, and it’s a testament to careful directing and tight script-writing that this feat is accomplished in such intense chaos. Man, what an episode of television.



10.



Lost ravens:

— Given that ‘Blackwater’ is the first episode to keep itself in one location, it’s the first to produce high-spectacle drama. For the first time, we can witness an onscreen battle. The drama isn’t gleaned from people talking in rooms, it comes from swordfights and giant explosions. Even the neon-green colour of the wildfire is a visual statement that stands out from the dull colours — the browns, the dusky reds and royal greens and dark blues. The change Game of Thrones undergoes from this point doesn’t fully impose itself and take hold until the end of season four, most notably the battle for the Wall at Castle Black, but ‘Blackwater’ is the first example of what the show would become.



— King’s Landing is “a city under siege” indeed. The atmosphere of impending doom, of tense apprehension, of waiting as you hear the enemy sail towards you in the silence of night, of preparing for the end, it’s orchestrated brilliantly in the opening segment of this episode. From Varys’ “I’ve always hated the bells” line, right through to the moment Tyrion’s wildfire plan is played out. Lovely stuff.



— Sansa and Shae grow ever closer in this episode. Joffrey, the frightened boy king he truly is, forces Sansa to kiss his sword before the battle (“Heart Eater” he’s named it) and warns her that Robb will be “his next victim”, while Cersei spends the episode plying her with wine she’s far too young to drink but far too polite to refuse. But Shae’s constantly there, over her shoulder, offering advice and reassurance, and Sansa shows her increasing resourceful and wherewithal. She publicly declares her prayers for the king’s safe return and has the women sing a hymn to keep calm and pass the time. She’s growing as a character, and Shae’s there to help her see it through.



— I’m not sure where Stannis ends up after this battle, you know. The last we see of him in this episode is him being dragged away by two Lannister guards as he pleads for his men to turn and fight. I’m surprised the Lannisters didn’t just capture him and kill him, unless he was able to escape. In the books he’s escorted back to Dragonstone by Salladhor Saan, but the show doesn’t make it so clear.



— And finally, a special mention for how unbelievably quotable this episode is. Written by the man who created these events with his bare hands, it’s only right that we just bullet point the best quotes from the episode and come back for the season two finale next week.



1. “Where’d you learn the Lannister song?” “Drunk Lannisters.”



2. “Poor nose.” “Don’t feel sorry for him. He’ll be halfway up your arse before the night’s through.”



3. “I’ve always hated the bells. They ring for horror — a dead king, a city under siege.” “A wedding.” “Exactly.”



4. “Hound, tell the Hand that his king has asked him a question.” “The king has asked you a question.” “Ser Lancel, tell the Hound to tell the king that the Hand is extremely busy.” “The Hand of the King would like me to tell you to tell the king-“. “If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he’ll do it without a second thought.” “That would make me the quarter-man. It just doesn’t have the same ring to it.”



5. “Any man dies with a clean sword, I’ll rape his fucking corpse!”



6. “Fuck the Kingsguard. Fuck the city. Fuck the king.”



7. “They say I’m half a man, but what does that make the lot of you? There’s another way out. I’m going to show you. We’ll come out behind them and fuck them in their arses. Don’t fight for your king and don’t fight for his kingdoms. Don’t fight for honour, don’t fight for glory. Don’t fight for riches because you won’t get any. This is your city Stannis means to sack. That’s your gate he’s ramming. If he gets in, it will be your houses he burns, your gold he steals, your women he will rape. Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let’s go kill them!”