Last time: Josh convinced Elsa Bjergsen to be his girlfriend. Billie and Arnold CONCEIVED A BABY, then got married. Julian’s ghost paid a visit, and had a romantic evening with an excessively caffeinated Claire. Elsa and Josh became young adults, and Ella become leader of the Teen Hangout Club. Finally, Josh developed his Serial Romantic habits at the nightclub. We continue…

We open update 5.1 with, fittingly, Billie going into labour!

While Arnold is busy running on his treadmill for like six straight hours, Billie has a little heart-to-heart with her brother-in-law.

Billie: Truth be told, I feel like this parenting thing has really snuck up on me, you know? Like this baby’s gonna come out and whoop my arse.

Josh: Don’t even worry. Hand on heart, I’m sure you’ll be a great mother.

A little flattery never goes astray when building a relationship with your sister-in-law.

In more ways than one.

Then, it’s go time!

Here I can introduce you to Delta Cooper… and in another room there lies India Cooper.

Yes, twins.

The naming theme is the NATO phonetic alphabet.

Josh immediately sets himself to easing Billie’s load… and being the best uncle he can be.

Every time the babies need anything, everyone else gets queue-stomped.

Furthermore, because everyone’s been queue-stomped at the same time, no one can then actually reach the babies because everyone blocks everyone else’s routing. This is honestly excruciating.

Josh sent a playful text to this townie (whose name is Brynlee), and she promptly invited him to “Hang Out as Friends” at the deserted and romantic Ancient Ruins at sunset. Josh knows how to take a hint.

Unfortunately he misread the situation, and when he tried to flirt with Brynlee she screamed her head off at him, cancelled the outing and vanished.

Ah well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

After the passion of the previous night Josh had been left with a craving for Candy (as in, he’d had a whim to Make Out with Candy all day) so he thought he knew how to make best use of the sunset.

Candy agreed.

Josh kept bitching about routing errors preventing him from making out with Candy at the Ancient Ruins, so they decided to return to the place they first met exactly one night ago to resume their affair.

Josh then checked into the venue from the toilet.

Hopefully your girlfriend doesn’t see that and come to any conclusions…

Why is Josh checking into social media from the toilet? Because he’s going to follow in Britta’s footsteps and become a social media celebrity!

The next day, it’s the twins’ birthday! because the baby life stage can get fucked

Here’s India, who got the Inquisitive trait.

And here’s Delta, who got the Charmer trait. (Even though she doesn’t look very charming in this specific picture.)

I like how India and Arnold both look pretty shocked by this walking thing.

And so the strict routines of raising twin toddlers begins…

India chucked her food onto the floor. Why do you do this to me. Why.

Billie gives India a real stern talking-to.

Which India takes very well, as you can see.

But then, because she’s a Goofball, Billie rolled a whim to play in the spilt food :|

Billie: Are you watching, kid? This is how you do it!

Then it was time for the toddlers to sleep, and give me the grown-ups some peace for a while.

Morgan: You know, just because you’re married now doesn’t mean you’re stuck! There is always a way out!

Arnold: wtf mum

Billie gets a job in Business, because as a Fortune Sim Sim with the “Mansion Baron” aspiration, it seemed kinda fitting.

Of course, no sooner had she got this job than she wanted to take a day off from it!! smh Billie

I told Ella to do her homework, and instead she pretended it was chomping her face, grinned, and pointed at it like this. Good one Ella.

Josh takes his uncle duties very seriously!

That night, as Arnold worked late on the sports field, Josh lured Billie into his bedroom and started to flirt a little. At first she was receptive…

But once things got a bit more serious, Billie got cold feet.

And started joking around to defuse the tension.

But then just to muddy the waters, she started confessing all her deep-seated insecurities to Josh. Poor thing, he doesn’t know what to think!

Arnold, by the way, came home from work that day with a promotion. He’s entering the Professional Athlete career track.

Probably hearing his big brother in the next room, Josh pulled a swift “smooth recovery” with Billie, to paper over the awkwardness.

And she went out to kiss her husband, assuaging the guilt on her mind.

While all this was happening, the grandparents were holding down the toddler-minding fort, lol.

Remember this one of Josh’s prospective lovers from last update? (To be fair, she wasn’t invisible in the last update.) MCCC married her off!

Claire: Potty training?

Delta: no.

Ella: Learning to talk?

Delta: NO.

This is some “Charmer” trait.

My game wouldn’t let me zoom in any closer than this outside camera mode, BUT India is REALLY excited for the Cats & Dogs EP.

India: Just you wait and see, Teresa the Triceratops! I’m not gonna need you at ALL once I have a cute puppy dog!

It’s like fatherhood has made Arnold totally forget that he’s actually a Mean Sim.

Morgan invited her alternate-universe sister Siobhan over to ~*~raise donations for the cause~*~, but Siobhan was more interested in complaining about some broken pencil.

Then Siobhan put Claire in a Flirty mood… Claire would never be unfaithful to her dearly departed husband, though.

Promotion for Josh! He’s now a Simstagram Searcher.

I sent him over to the Bjergsens’ house to catch up with his ACTUAL GIRLFRIEND, Elsa. This face suggests that he’s not exactly thrilled to do it.

At least Elsa seems pleased to see him.

Josh: I’m so sorry I haven’t been around, baby! I would’ve come sooner, but I was ATTACKED in the woods by a vicious bear and hauled into its lair! After my escape I spent two days recovering!

Elsa: …I would have accepted “sorry”. You don’t need to feed me these elaborate lies.

Josh: But I haven’t even GOT to the part where I encountered a ROBOT INVASION and bravely STOPPED IT IN ITS TRACKS!

Elsa: >:|

Nonetheless, these two were on the road to resuming their romance, when…

Fire. It was really fucking hard for me to locate this fire, too, since it certainly wasn’t in the kitchen.

Thanks to a helpful notification telling me that Bjorn discovered the fire, I eventually worked out that it was this barbecue in trouble.

Everyone panicked. A lot.

Finally, Josh realised that none of the Bjergsens actually intended to extinguish the flame, and decided to do it himself. What a guy.

Josh was pretty pleased with himself.

Filled with confidence, Josh went to put the moves on Elsa.

They shared a little giggle as Bjorn swore his head off for no reason nearby.

(ok ok, I guess technically the reason was probably that he was still upset about the fire)

Then, Josh made Elsa an offer she couldn’t refuse. Or at least one she didn’t want to refuse.

Josh: We don’t need to use a condom, do we baby?

Elsa: Errrrr… I don’t know about tha—

Josh: Shhhh. It’ll be fine.

We shall see.

Josh continued to make Elsa feel special as she ate.

Then, keen to make a good impression, he told a gr8 joke about politicians to Elsa’s dad.

Then, with a good night kiss, he left for home.

At home, Arnold is trying to help Billie relax after a stressful day at work. Meanwhile, check out the way Delta is eating. Love that kid.

Uh… but… your Aunt Ella is LITERALLY teaching you how to talk RIGHT NOW??

India: NO want learn to talk!! Want learn something INTERESTING!!!

Remember Jade Rosa? Josh’s lover-in-progress who went and got married? Having the day off work, Josh thought he’d invite her over and try his luck.

Looks like Jade Rosa isn’t all that satisfied with her new husband. Looking for something more?

Coincidentally, “something more” is a service Josh is happy to provide.

They follow this up with a little canoodling on the living room couch.

You have to admire Britta’s dedication to pretending she can’t hear anything going on on that couch.

Then things turned into a weird family scene.

Delta: BEAR, nanna?!

Claire: Yes! Bear!

Shortly after this, Jade decided it was the right time to leave.

Promotions for Billie and Morgan!

It’s Ella’s birthday!

She rolls the Evil trait. Yup.

In case you forgot, the traits she already had were Geek and Clumsy, and her aspiration is the Joke Star one. It all seemed to be fitting together, but this roll has thrown me for a loop.

Happily for her nieces, Ella hasn’t quite got the hang of being evil yet.