I’ve got a slight problem and need some legal advice, I hope someone out there can help. Over the last few months we’ve had some strange holes appear in our lawn. I traced this problem back and noticed that the holes stated appearing around this same time Storm, our Golden Retriever came home for the first time.

I asked Storm if he knew anything about it and he told me “I don’t know what you are talking about” then he asked me to clean the dirt off his feet that had mysteriously appeared after he was in the backyard alone for a short time.

I don’t know what to do? I was certain it was him, but he denies it, I tried putting in a security camera to catch him but he threatened to sue me because I was trespassing in his personal space and he “didn’t want you to know what I get up to when I’m alone” I thought this was strange as he has no shame and does many things in front of us that maybe he should do privately. In fact he often does thing in front of guests that are best done in private….with the door closed. On the bright side, Storm has very clean genitals, and it doesn’t matter to him where he was when they were cleaned.

Every time I bring up the holes in the backyard he gets angry and depressed then starts talking about cheese or belly rubs. Last night I tried talking to him again but then he ran away screaming. “I know I’m adopted, you’re not my real dad”. I don’t know how he found out, maybe he noticed the lack of family resemblance or maybe he noticed he has two more legs than us.

The cardboard boxes are another issue. Last time I saw them they were sitting in the shed, awaiting a trip to the rubbish dump. However after visiting the backyard today I noticed some of them were sitting on the back lawn. Of course I suspected Storm was the culprit so I took out my camera and took a couple of photos.

Later on we decided to have an intervention on Storm, we sat down on the floor and explained what we suspected. Of course he denied everything so I showed him the photos. He didn’t look guilty even when I opened the envelope containing the photos, instead he claimed the photographs were photoshopped then turnaround and accused the cats of framing him. Now the cats want to sue for slander.

Does anybody know a good lawyer?