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Dear Amazon,

I have a recommendation for you. Yes, bit of a role-reversal isn’t it. After all, you’re always bombarding me with suggestions. Hardly a day goes by without you telling me about items in all genres I may like to purchase via one-click ordering.

You think you know exactly what my consumer habits are. It’s all so chummy as you pop up in my inbox and chirp: “Hello Carolyn – see our featured recommendations for you!” Just because I bought my brother a Game of Thrones Box Set for Christmas once doesn’t mean I want to be deluged with vaguely erotic sword and sorcery DVDs until the end of time.

Same goes for remote control model helicopters. That was a one off-pressie for my nephew.

However intimate, friendly and human you like to appear, I know it’s all computerised. How have I deducted this? Well you even recommended I buy my own book once. Which was flattering, but pretty twp – even if you had knocked four quid off the asking price.

What – you don’t know what “twp” means? It’s Welsh for stupid. Oh, hang on, you don’t recognise the language.

Funny that, seeing as you’ve built a warehouse the size of five football pitches in Swansea. Yes Swansea, the second biggest city in Wales, the country where 20% of the people speak Welsh. And Wales is also the nation that gave you subsidies from its government to build your whopping great distribution plant.

Bet you didn’t have a problem recognising Wales when that funding was going through did you? It’s just the lingo that you’ve got a bit of a problem with.

Such a shame, as, believe it or not, your Kindle is loved by readers with varying mother tongues. You published Welsh language books on the Kindle last year even if our publishers had to bite their mother tongue and list them as English books because Welsh is not a supported language on Amazon.

But this year you’ve refused to put them up at all, saying they are in an “unrecognised language”.

So how do you choose which languages to recognise? Your criterion seems as random as the recommendations you send my way. You’ve let Cornish in, which is spoken by far less people than Welsh. Basque is there too, and Catalan. You’ve even got Galician.

If you’re having trouble recognising Welsh just Google it. You’ll be surprised that it’s quite major in the minority language league.

And while we’re on the subject of search engines, Google has made an effort where Welsh is concerned. Your other peers in the digital world also have a positive approach. Facebook has a Welsh interface while Kindle’s ebook competitors Sony and Kobo both publish Welsh language books.

So it can’t be a techie problem surely. You’re the big daddy of electronic publishing. Welsh doesn’t demand fancy script like Arabic, Greek or Russian. The alphabet’s the same. We just like different vowels. Plus it’s not as if all our tomes of Cymric fact and fiction are going to hog shelf space in your consumer cathedral in Swansea. That’s the beauty of virtual bookshops isn’t it?

In these economically challenged times, doesn’t it make commercial sense to you to target a new market? The publisher Y Lolfa alone gave you more than 60 titles last year. Gomer and Seren could do the same.

And given your unmistakable physical presence in Wales wouldn’t you like to contribute to its culture?

You’re trying to take on Apple with your Kindle Fire. People love the former because it is technology with a touchy-feely face. Mac devotees believe the makers of their machines care about the humanity of their customers.

Given the appeal of virtual books and tablets to the younger generation in particular, the Kindle has the opportunity to give the Welsh language the most significant boost of the digital age.

But as a petition to make you recognise Welsh gathers pace you have given a response so mechanical it sounds like a line from a Doctor Who robot: “We are working on adding more languages through our KDP portal all the time and Welsh is one that we hope to support in the future,” said a spokesman. Computer says no, eh?

Amazon I have a recommendation for you. Recognise Welsh right now and let Kindle play its part in keeping the flame of one of the oldest languages in the world alive.

Why do academics spend so much time researching things we could tell them in five minutes down the pub?

The latest revelation from the Department of Stating the Bleedin’ Obvious is “Couples who communicate using Facebook could be putting a strain on their relationship”.

The discovery was made by psychologists at Oxford University, who concluded husbands and wives who kept in touch using social media had less satisfying marriages.

Surveying the social media habits of 3,500 couples, they found those using more than five different channels to communicate with their loved one had a 14% drop in “average relationship satisfaction”.

“We need to walk back from the idea that more communication by more media is a good thing,” said Dr Bernie Hogan, from Oxford Internet Institute.

Couples who tweet and Facebook each other may also find a drop in “average relationship satisfaction” with friends and acquaintances as well as spouses. In another recent survey I could have saved a research budget on, the subject of VDAs was explored.

VDAs are nothing to do with clinics you’d rather not be seen entering. We’re talking Virtual Displays of Affection. Even worse than couples who snog voraciously on train platforms are lovers who clutter your timeline with icky declarations for their significant other.

Apparently “four out of every 10 people cringe at reading posts filled with open affection by their friends on social networking sites”. There were no figures available for how many people put their fingers down their throat and mimic extreme retching. This is what I did before defriending someone because she had shared the intimacies of her “darling hubby’s gorgeous foot rubs” just too many times.

They’re probably divorced now anyway – victims of what Oxford psychologists describe as “marital disharmony triggered by the stress and time pressure of constantly maintaining so many different threads of communication”. So loved-up Facebook friends, ditch your VDAs and try a date night rather than a status update night.