PARIS — Researchers from France have confirmed that when your tea bag string falls into a hot cup of water, little paper tab and all, it is God’s very personal way of saying “Yeah guess what? Go fuck yourself.”

Although it was long believed that this occurrence was just a small unfortunate accident, Dr. Frank L. Ross and his team of researchers were able to prove, using magnets, that this is, in fact, a direct punishment from the Creator and an example of bad things happening to bad people.

“Apparently the Almighty gets kind of fed up with you and sometimes it delights him to watch you burn your fingers while you attempt to fish the little tab out of the hot water,” explained Ross.

Other surefire signs of God’s targeted hatred of you specifically discovered by Ross’s team were your scarf getting caught in your zipper and your headphones getting tangled in your pocket.