30 November, 2016. 11:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

THE MAKERS OF THE timeless board game, Monopoly, have attracted ‘scathing’ and ‘unbridled’ criticisms for their latest release targeted at millennials.

According to the modified rules, players under the age of 30 aren’t allowed to purchase and own property – unless they’re prepared to pay a high premium. The one item on the board available for purchase, however, is a plate of smashed avocado and whole grain sourdough.

Players old enough to remember buying new-release Pink Floyd records are allowed, under the rules set out by the makers, to purchase property at a significantly less amount.

Where the games gets spicy is that these APIA customers are then able to negatively gear each successive property investment, which in turn bloats their borrowing and earning capacity.

“In line with current trends, we felt the tagline, ‘Just kill yourself now’ was appropriate for this edition,” said a spokesman for the manufacturer.

“From an early age, the concept of property ownership is drilled into the youth. Now that they’re at the same stage of their life when their parents purchased their first property, many millennials are feeling ashamed and embarrassed that they aren’t able,”

“We wanted to reflect these challenges in the board game, where full-time-stay-at-home-adult-children can play the game with parents – hopefully showing them what the current situation is from the comfort of their living room.”

Speaking from the heart, Lismore pharmacist Graham Sparcdonald said he’s “had it up to his fucking gob” with the manner in which the Baby Boomers hog property and dreams.

The 29-year-old former Muay Thai instructor spoke to The Advocate a short time ago.

“There should be a government department that kills people when they turn 60. Old people are a drain on the healthcare system, property markets and most of those wok-eyed bastards can’t drive a finger up their own arse!” he said.

When asked whether he’d be inclined to play the game with his parents, he told our reporter that he’d shove the whole thing up his arse before he’d do that.

More to come.