Elsa/Getty Images

So President Donald Trump’s son Eric Trump, aka Lil’ Vampire Face, aka Third Place, aka Bronze, aka Gopher Smile, says that his father has to block out the constant, negative (yet accurate) news coverage of his dismal presidency because if he engaged it, it could lead to depression and possibly make him suicidal.




I think the president might be the worst person in the world, but I don’t want him to commit suicide. I do want him to recognize that his mental health might be in a fragile state if negative news could lead to his suicide, and, as such, I want him to leave his post and seek professional help.

No one will think less of him; in fact, many will champion his efforts because mental-health issues are serious and can be dangerous. Also, running an entire country in a fragile mental state is so unfair to the rest of us the president doesn’t give a shit about.




“If they weren’t talking about you, you wouldn’t be doing something right, and it’s important to keep it in context,” Eric Trump said during a radio interview on The Joe Pags Show.



“Otherwise, quite frankly, you’d probably end up killing yourself out of depression,” the 33-year-old businessman continued. “But he’s doing a great job.”

He said that he and his siblings take the criticism with a grain of salt, adding: “It’s the media, the mainstream media, who does not want [Donald Trump] to succeed. It’s government who does not want him to succeed. ... No matter what he does, he’s going to get hit, and listen, I think you have to tune it out.”

Lil’ Vampire Face seems to get that his father was one of the most vocal of anti-Obama opponents who critiqued and criticized the former president at every turn, so his complaints that his father is under intense scrutiny and criticism regardless of his actions ring hallow.


“Politics is nasty; it’s the nastiest business I’ve ever seen. No matter what he does, they’re going to hit him on it,” he said.



Gopher Chompers also doesn’t seem to remember that his father launched an attack against the media, frequently calling them “fake news” throughout his presidency. At the president’s most recent rally in Phoenix (yes, the president is still holding rallies even though he’s already won the damn office), he denounced “fake news” and condemned journalists as “truly dishonest people” who “don’t like our country.”


But, yeah, let’s keep acting like this orange sack of afterbirth is the victim here. If Lil’ Hitler Haircut really wants to help his father, he should encourage him to seek professional help for his fragile ego.