Illustration: Lu Ting/GT

There is a kind of guy that I've encountered many times in my life: the kind that mocks other males for "running like a girl," says "that's so gay" when ridiculing something and uses "fag" to insult those he deems less masculine.



With Shanghai's ninth annual edition of PRIDE Festival taking place this week, I thought it would be worthwhile to explore my personal experiences in the context of LGBT+ awareness and acceptance.



Granted, a lot of these encounters occurred back in middle and high school, periods of youth where bullying is more rampant and adolescents are still discovering who they are.



However, these formative years are also a critical time worthy of examining. It is then that teens are learning about gender expectations, and often punishing each other if they stray from such expectations.



Boys especially are rewarded with popularity if they prove their "alpha maleness" through aggression, but shunned if they take on more "feminine" traits like sensitivity or getting too comfortable with another guy.



Beneath this is an undercurrent of homophobia that goes hand-in-hand with hyper-masculinity. Gays are stereotypically generalized as effeminate, touchy-feely and rather emotional.



Having been constantly pressured to assert their manliness, straight men then distance themselves from effeminacy by fearing "gayness," because in their narrow minds the two are linked.



They make fun of guys who openly cry, and squirm in discomfort when they're asked to support LGBT causes.



This is usually done in an exaggerated performance for the sake of their peers. It is a silent cry of "hey, look at me! I'm straight, and don't you dare think otherwise!"



Another popular phenomenon I've witnessed is the "no homo" claim. Urban Dictionary defines "no homo" as a phrase used after one inadvertently says (or does) something that "seems gay."



I've heard this expression used when teen guys embrace each other and even when they compliment a male friend's profile pic.



Why do young men in societies around the world feel the need to do this? Thanks to the hyper-masculine and homophobic culture, I suppose. When guys use derogatory phrases like "no homo," they link femininity and gayness while painting homosexuality as undesirable.



These actions have consequences; ones that people might not think about when they make such hurtful comments.



I understand that China is currently going through a gender crisis, with boys supposedly becoming more feminized in recent years. Citizens have blamed this on everything from boys being spoiled by parents to the widespread influence of "effeminate" K-pop stars.



In 2016, a Shanghai publisher even issued a textbook teaching Chinese schoolboys how to reconnect with their masculine side.



Foreign men living in China are also quite guilty of projecting their respective countries' hyper-masculine or homophobic attitudes.



Take, for instance, the notorious r/CCJ2 (China Circle Jerk) on Reddit, where Western expats fling around the word "faggot" and have waged a verbal war against the users of r/AsianMasculinity, which is supposed to be a safe space for Asian men to explore their maleness.



Men of all ethnicities should be allowed to feel, talk and behave naturally without being forced into stifling boxes. We need to challenge notions of masculinity and gayness that are narrowly defined and based on stereotypes or generalizations.



I think schools can be a productive space for this to occur. We can certainly benefit from classes that teach young people about homophobic slurs and their consequences, and how to intervene when a classmate is being bullied.



This is not just a male issue, either. When a boy slanders a peer by calling him "girly" or "sissy," he is perpetuating the idea that women are inherently weaker than men.



Hyper-masculinity also pushes men to act more violently and aggressively, which can increase the risk of domestic abuse and sexual assault.



Ultimately, I believe that just as there is no "right" way to be a gay man, there is no right way to be a man, period.



The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Global Times.