Heavy metal fan with Coronavirus is down with the sickness

Local metaller Simon Williams has asked doctors to say he is ‘down with the sickness’ after being diagnosed with Coronavirus.

Williams was rushed to hospital after developing a hacking cough, although medical professionals later discovered he was actually going “Oh, wah, ah, ah, ah” voluntarily and him having Coronavirus was completely coincidental.

“When we admitted Simon we said it seemed he was having some trouble and at first he tried to deny what he felt,” said Doctor Claire Hawkins of the Kettering Institute of Medicine and Stuff.

“Then he said he could feel the sickness was rising in him so we put him straight into isolation.”

When the patient was told he’d need a pair of IV plugs to save his life, he said that was great as he’d been planning to get some more piercings and asked if they could be put in his lower lip.

“It’s no laughing matter. People need to recognise the world is a scary place,” Dr. Hawkins told him. “Stop laughing!”

When asked, Simon said he was delighted at having contracted the virus as he’d always wanted a voice like David Draiman and thanks to the life-threatening fever and buildup of fluid in his lungs he’s now got one.