Maleness is never defined positively by the feminine. It cannot be. The feminine, however, is a negative that will be necessary for contrasting with maleness. As masculinity is expressed, it moves away from the feminine – and it is also a turning away from the mother. But turning away from the feminine is difficult. The mother has a primary hold over the son. By primary I mean both psychological and social. She is psychologically the feminine ground because she is the womb, maternal provider, and admirer. She is also socially the first relation for the son – she relates to him secretly, subverting the role of the father, long before there is any other female influence. In this sense, the son must first go through the feminine before coming into the masculine.

At some point, maleness (which is at work physiologically in the male human body) bursts forth in different ways. It does so in play, competition, adventure, male bonding. These activities are not only physical; they are also mental. Maleness in play is not formed yet, but it has a different energy than the feminine. It lacks social awareness, preferring forcefulness and disruption. And yet these only heighten the social’s sense that something is different about boys, something is disturbing. Maleness begins then with breaking away from the feminine – first physiologically, then socially. But the ideal feminine is enduring and caring. No matter the extreme of maleness, the son will attract a powerful feminine force. But this feminine force cannot be the shaping of masculinity. That must be done by leaving behind the feminine at first before returning to integrate the feminine. But maleness cannot be merely reactionary. Nor can it be mentored by the feminine. Maleness must start with a break from the feminine.

This break leads to a darkness. Carl G. Jung calls it the Shadow. This is the domain of all that has been pushed away by the mother and society as protection of the son. The mother may have also shamed the boy to protect him from the Shadow. The feminine resists letting the son grow up entirely, for she knows that growing up will take him to the Shadow. For the male, the Shadow holds those traits that, in our society, are considered misogynistic or hegemonic or violent. But if the boy is to become a man who is more completely aware of himself biologically, psychologically, and socially, he must enter the Shadow and integrate these characteristics. But this will require a period of separation from the feminine, hard to do in an ever-increasing co-ed world. Yet this period of separation is necessary and may include other young men. These separations often happen naturally as in gangs, clubs, teams, etc. But even then, they may not be enough given that adult male figures continue to submit to more and more protective measures and reduced risk. END OF PART 1