The 10 Circles of McMansionHell: The McMansion Scale, Explained!

Hello friends! I’ve received over one hundred (1-0-0) emails regarding the McMansion Scale from last Thursday. My goal with this post is to clarify the scale, which I believe can be really useful in helping my readers tell whether or not they’re in McMansion Hell!

BUT FIRST: I want to apologize for missing Thursday’s post. EXCUSE TIME: I ended up being stranded in NC for three extra days because of the hurricane (my grad assistantship work got behind because of it, and I really like my semi-free schooling - hence, priorities), and also ya girl’s givin a TEDx Talk next Saturday in DC and so prepping for that is of course v important.

WARNING: This post has a “READ MORE” page break, so now is the time to open in a new tab!



So about the McMansion Scale: (Click here for Hi-Res Zoomable version)

It’s a lot to look at. But I’m here to help, with photographs, of course.

Friendly reminder that the scale is really for single-family houses built after 1980, and does not include historical houses, vernacular (folk) architecture, or multifamily housing.

Without Further Ado:

1-4: The Chill Zone

The 1s:

The 1s are reserved for:

tiny houses

houses built under historic preservation guidelines



most modernist houses built by architectural firms (e.g. not builders or construction companies)

houses built by architects working in the New Traditional style

The 2s:

The 2s are for:

classic suburban house styles, built using high-quality materials (e.g. Wood or Hardie Plank vs Vinyl Siding, Stucco vs EIFS)

This includes houses of various styles designed by local architects and well-informed builders.

Typical 2 aesthestics include the Classic Cape Cod/Colonial and Bungalow styles.

The houses in architect-designed/planned Traditional Neighborhood Development (TND) communities (such as Seaside, FL) often fall under this number.

The 3s:

The 3s are for two things:

traditional style houses built from modern materials with large attached garages; the standard suburban home, if you will.



The extremely trendy but otherwise well-executed house

Probably the most trendy housing style trend in recent history is the crossing over of modern and traditional forms. These houses have simple shapes, and sleek, minimalistic windows and rooflines. While I personally like the style, I’m curious to see how long it lasts.

The 4s:

99% of houses I believe fall into the 4 category:

If a house has either cascading gables OR a concealed multistory front entry, but follows the rest of the rules, it is a 4.

These are the houses that begin to have noticeable design flaws, such as inconsistent window choices.

This is the realm of the houses that are high quality, but a little off (sometimes this is the handiwork of an architect)

5-7: The Meh-to-Slightly-Ugh Zone

The 5s

Return to the Scale: if a house a few of the yellows, but at least one of the greens, it is a 5. This is the land of Meh. It is a safe place to be.



Some typical 5s:

The 6s:

On the scale, If a house has a few yellows, but one or two of the light pinks, it is a 6.

For example, if a house was a generally decent house, with a strong design, but had out of scale columns and a huge garage it would be a six.



Note: The above house would be a 5 if it weren’t for the dumb addition/garage.

The 7s

This is the zone of pushing it.

On the scale, if a house has 3 or more of the light pinks, or 1-2 of the dark pinks you’re in the 7 zone.

This is the realm of the incredibly cheap, but decently composed in design. (This is also the realm of the tacky, but reasonably sized tract-modern house.)

A classic 7 is a house that attempts to imitate a traditional (usually manor-like) architectural style and botches it, but the intent is clear.

No real modernist house would have visible EIFS seams.

8-10: The McMansion Hell Zone

The 8s:

On the scale, if a house has 3 or more of the dark pinks, and/or one of the reds, it is an eight. A nub automatically places a house in the 8 range, no exceptions.



8s are usually like 7s but worse.

The 9s:

If a house has two of the dark reds it is a 9. Usually 9s still have some kind of vague cohesion to them. It’s the only things keeping them from being 10s.

The above house is like an 8 but with a special kind of ugliness that puts it one category higher.

The 10s:

A 10 is literally the worst. If you have 3+ of the dark reds, you’re a 10. Sorry. These are the worst of the worst. These are canonically nonsense houses, as seen from the examples below:

Well, I hope this post has helped anyone who still had questions about the McMansion Scale! Stay tuned for next week’s Dank McMansion from Great Falls, VA and a surprise post for Sunday!

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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs in this post are from real estate aggregate Zillow.com and are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107.