'Thundercats ! Kick him in the nuts and send him to space !' The extraordinary pitfalls of looking for love were hard to miss in The Undateables, by Jim Shelley



The Undateables was deeply touching, slightly dubious and, if we’re honest, occasionally funny.



This was thanks to Ruth, a 27 year-old singer from London with Tourette’s, a condition that despite featuring in numerous documentaries over the years, we continue to find fascinating and amusing, much like Ruth's best friend and even Ruth herself judging by their occasional bouts of giggling,

‘Fatty !’ she cried, as she walked down a busy high street sporadically shouting at innocent passers-by in a way that was indubitably bizarre but endearingly uninhibited. ‘Paedo !’



She invariably concluded with her own favourite exclamation ‘Thundercats !’ - a reference to a 1980s' cartoon series that, Ruth revealed on twitter after the show had aired, she hadn't actually ever seen.



Ruth (left) has Tourette's Syndrome, John has Asperger Syndrome, and Zoe (right) a rare of Down's Syndrome. Their search for love was touching and revealing

Despite the problems it brought and the blight it cast over her love life, Ruth was infectiously good-humoured about her condition. The way that, when she is in an airport for example, she is prone to shouting ‘petrol bomb !’ ‘Not the best move !’ she grinned.



Others weren’t so amusing, such her use of ‘the n word’. You feared for her safety when she addressed a group of lads walking past with the greeting ‘w***ers!’ and one of them turned round as if to make something of it. ‘It’s just tics, I’ve got Tourette’s,’ she tried to explain.



Later, she described the lack of control as ‘like a fizzy can and it’s going to burst out.’ Of course, after the first few minutes the novelty wore off and we were left seeing a lovely, warm-hearted woman, whose affliction made finding a partner next to impossible. A bi-sexual, Ruth had been single for two and a half years and only ever had one long-term relationship, which was irreparably damaged when she was diagnosed with Tourette’s. Ruth and her boyfriend were on holiday, at the airport, when she shouted ‘bomb !’



‘He actually got up and moved away from me,’ she recalled, sounding stunned even now. ‘That absolutely crushed me and still stays with me.’

Ruth, one of the good-humoured, warm-hearted subjects of The Undateables

She wanted the chance of finding a partner in the same way that anyone single would.

‘Everyone’s like ‘I had a date last week’. I’m thinking: ‘I had a date with my TV. I had a date at the gym. I had a date with my kitchen...’



Her illness was obviously an extra factor.



‘Finding love would mean so much to her,’ said her best friend. ‘It would mean she’s not a freak.’



Her date with a bar manager named Dan didn’t start very promisingly. His very first question was about how he should react to her Tourette’s. ‘Since you asked me about my Tourette's, do you have any health conditions lingering over your head ?’ she asked back, upset. She gave him a second chance and things improved but five days after the date, their texts dried up.



She had more luck with Jen, a pretty, sensitive 24 year-old who worked in the film industry who liked Ruth for who she was. Happily, the feeling was mutual.



‘I think she’s very pretty. Thundercats !' Ruth enthused afterwards. 'I enjoy her company. F**k off ! She’s definitely a good-looking girl. Thundercats ! Kick him in the nuts ! Send them to space.’

A ringing endorsement if ever there was one !

John was indeed understanding and outstandingly nice

Part of the point of The Undateables is to show us what it’s like to be so different, to have ‘special’ needs, or extra-ordinary problems to over-come when you have Tourette’s, Asperger’s or Down’s and why the rest of us need to get over our irrational fear. Ruth's experience was that people would sit next to someone with the worst B.O. but always move away from her, when actually the worst that could happen was probably a shout of 'Thundercats !' Another is to remind us that their feelings about love are just the same as everyone’s. The Undateables was full of statements that were a fantastic mix of the simple and profound. Ruth described love as ‘like a basic human right or need, like breathing. Its what you need to exist.’ John, a 21 year-old with the form of autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, had never had a girlfriend but authoritatively offered the view: ‘love changes people. It makes them feel complete and that’s what I want to be - complete.'

His Asperger’s made him acutely anxious, especially about relationships, but in a way he had the problem alot of men have.



‘If I like them, I can’t talk to them. The more beautiful the girl is, the more difficult it is to control my anxiety.’



His desperation to find a girlfriend was so sweet and open, it was painful.



‘Inside me, I have an empty space. I know that a girlfriend would fill in that gap. No girl has said to me ‘I love you’. I want someone to tell me I’m the best boyfriend in the world. I think I would love them back, double what they would.’



If this sounded hopelessly naïve, he was also astute enough to recognise: ‘I don’t know if that would scare them off, or be appreciated.’



He had dinner with Alana, a 19 year-old library assistant, and sure enough became so cripplingly nervous started saying things like: ‘I take it you like your clothes?'’ In the end, the date went well, although Alana contributed so little, it was hard to say how many more there would be.

As Zoe's mum predicted, she was convinced she was going to marry Nsbima even before their first date, or before she had seen his photo

Finally, Zoe was a 24 year-old nursery assistant with the rare condition, Mosaic Down Syndrome. Zoe was like alot of girls with a collection of false nails, hair extensions and make-up and a passion for dancing, animals and, above all, getting married. She had been engaged three times, and was forever designing her wedding dress (‘lots of bling, like Jordan’s’) and visiting the local bridal shop with her mum.



‘She hates being single,’ her mum laughed. ‘That’s all she’s ever wanted – to be married, with two children and a house,’ smiled her dad.

‘I just want someone I can fall in love with, and cuddle,’ Zoe said, as if this was the simplest thing in the world.



‘She will hold his hand and kiss him. She won’t be holding back,' her mum predicted, even though Zoe hadn’t even looked at a photo of her date. This was Nsimba, a gentle man with a mild learning disability who was evidently taken back by Zoe’s excitement and directness. She eagerly grilled him, asking about his favourite meal (‘mushrooms’), animal, and, the big question: ‘do you like JLS?’

When a lull in the conversation came, she filled it by saying: ‘I would love to have a relationship with you. Hopefully we’ll have a future together. We’ll take it slowly... Then hopefully we’ll be husband and wife.’

‘Um...’ said Nsimba, kindly.

Preparing for their second date, Zoe said: ‘he’s Mr. Right. I have found the one that I love. Husband material for me.’ For his part, Nsimba said he liked Zoe, but warned there might be a problem if she pressed the issue of marriage again.



‘I’ve been missing you. Quite a lot,’ Zoe declared freely.



Nsimba seemed to feel it was only fair if he spoke up, telling her with some difficulty 'it’s my turn to speak now...’ The way he gulped heavily you thought he would have to break it to her gently and explain all the talk of marriage on the head had put him off. But a long pause built up to him asking: ‘would you be my girlfriend? Do you like Kylie Minogue?’ and presenting her with some Kylie Minogue perfume. ‘It’s confirmed then, we are an item.’



We all know love works in mysterious ways but there was something unconvincing about the way Nsimba went along with it. Perhaps Zoe can make it work by sheer force of will.