TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

A new report from Australia’s leading scientific body, the CSIRO, has today solved a problem that has plagued Betootans for the past ten years.

The year-long study looked into how to tell the difference between hipsters and homeless people and found that the best way to distinguish between the two is the use of Apple AirPods.

“It’s really very exciting” Dr. Tim Wheeler told the Advocate.

“Ever since being a hipster became a thing people have had trouble knowing whether the person chose to dress themselves scrappily or if their circumstances meant they had to”

“Now we can just tell, almost immediately.”

Dr. Wheeler has been the lead researcher of the CSIRO’s cultural division for over 5 years, having previously looked into social issues like why white girls go crazy on rosé, whether it’s possible for a vegan to be vegan without telling someone and more recently, whether wearing sunnies on the back of your neck makes you more of a psycho.

Following our interview with Dr. Wheeler, The Advocate hit the streets to test the latest theory.

Within 10 minutes we were able to successfully identify 3 hipsters and 5 homeless people, proving that Dr. Wheeler’s research is accurate.

The full impact of the report is not yet known, but based off our quick test we suspect it’ll be immensely helpful.

More to come.