Before I engage into my emotional tirade against one of the most despicable man this world has produce since Adolf Hitler (hyperbole noted), I would first like to tell you more about the endeavor I will begin to partake on. I have decided to start writing a whenever-I-feel-like-it column pertaining to any topic that fits my interest. It can be a critique, a satire, or an insult of anything I want to critique, satire, or insult. Since I am a man of wealth and taste, my topics of interest range from the way someone moves to the spirit of a particular wine. In other words, get used to topics about anything, literally anything. Hence the name Criticize Everything. Plus, it’s also a cool way to experiment with Gonzo Journalism, which I’ve been getting into ever since I started reading about my lord and savior Hunter S. Thompson.

Now that the exposé to my concept column has been done, it’s time to talk about the biggest douchebag this world currently has the strong displeasure of having breathing its fine air (yes, an even bigger douchebag than Donald Trump, who is more of a con man than anything). Scumbag Goodell (formally known as Roger Goodell, before some members of the media who shall not be named discovered that his first name is in fact Scumbag) is the commissioner of the National Football League, a corrupt sports entity that I’m still going to watch regardless because football is fucking awesome. He presides over it with keen eyes, brainwashing its fans into actually believing there’s actual integrity in a game where the sole purpose of it is to bully and out-physical your opponent through the use of your body and cause him pain. Nothing gets an NFL fan’s heart pumping more than seeing a big hit, but nothing makes him angrier that seeing its integrity is being tarnished by deflated footballs 0.6 PSIs below the required limits (we’ll get to that later). I think we’re beginning to see a pattern here that more than 75% of NFL fans are stupid right?

Yes, most NFL fans are pretty stupid, I think it’s quite obvious. This has more to do with the social constructed education that these fans have developed, which is a more complex problem that just a football problem. Nevertheless, like any corrupt entity, the NFL uses the lack of education many of their fans have to tell them whatever the hell they want to hear, distracting them with meaningless stories, and create a culture of animosity towards whoever they don’t like.

While detailed accounts of players revealing that the NFL lied to them about concussions and went as far as to hide information from them of valuable importance to its research, the only thing you hear about from the outside media is how Johnny Manziel watched the NFL draft at a bar and then later went to a Justin Bieber concert. This is not done because the public wishes to hear more about Manziel, quite the opposite. It is done to distract its fans from the real corrupted entity they adore. The man agreeing to all of this is none other than Scumbag Goodell himself, perhaps the most powerful man in sports.

Before I get on with my elaboration, I do want to make perfectly clear that yes, I am a Patriots fan. My hatred for this man makes more sense now that this fact has been brought to light, and it justifies it even more. Deflategate is without a question the most overblown scandal in the history of not just professional sports, but perhaps even the entire spectrum of the USA. There’s reason to think Brady is innocent and there’s reason to think he is guilty, however slim that reason may be. However, lost in all the commotion of whether he is guilty or not was a very simple questions that has a very simple answer. Who gives a flying fuck whether he did it or not? A four game suspension for deflating a couple of footballs? If you think deflating a football warrants a four game suspension (let alone any suspension at all), you’re either a kid who just got told by its father that cheating is wrong, a man with no high school diploma, or a mentally challenged adult, and I honestly mean that last statement. In the words of the great Allen Iverson, we talkin’ about footballs here. Not a game, not a tackle, not a bounty, not taped signals (sorry about that fellow Patriots fans, but I must make a point here), we talkin’ about footballs!

The recent decision of two judges to overturn the vacated suspension of God’s son Tom Brady for maybe ordering the deflations of footballs has brought back to light the power that Goodell has over players, coaches, and teams. Virtually, the judges said that based on the CBA, Goodell can do whatever the fuck he wants. This is a big cause for concern for anyone in the league who makes the commissioner unhappy, no matter how volatile or meaningless it might seem from an outsider’s perspective. The Chiefs were the first time team post-Deflategate to understand the consequences of Goodell’s power. A simple tampering led to a dock of a draft pick, and when they decided to appeal, the man who heard this appeal was none other than Goodell himself, who of course, negated them with another exposition of his power.

The NFL has reached its peak during the years Goodell has been commissioner, breaking viewership records every year and always finding a way to stay relevant despite it being a five month league. They know how to market themselves, and they know how to play their cards right with the media. When the NFL announced they were going to televise games on Christmas day, the immediate consensus was how the NBA’s block of televised games was going to take a massive hit in viewership percentage, despite it being one of the league’s premier and established events. Not a single sports league has matched its productivity, and from the looks of early indicators none will for at least another decade.

With that being said, while more popular than ever, it is also less credible than ever. The recent lawsuits and leaks relating to the NFL’s shady history on concussions is beginning to shine a light on the despicable organization it is, and Goodell’s handling on player discipline, inconsistencies, and controversial aura that permeates the league every year makes it look more as a soap opera than a respected entity, and like any soap opera, while entertaining at first, it becomes useless, irrelevant, predictable, and plain boring the more time goes by. This trend will continue for the NFL through the end of the decade, but by then, the league will be laughing stock in terms of product and quality, all thanks Goodell’s ego by making football watchable for all the wrong reasons, trying to savor and unfavorable reputation ever since he was caught straight up lying in the Ray Rice debacle (he had great deal of help from its equally as corrupted friends down at ESPN among others to help downplay that lie of course).

Something that’s rarely been talked about, but needs to be in a more urgent fashion, is the upcoming (as in four years upcoming) CBA negotiations between the NFL and the player’s union. Mark my words, this negotiations will result in one of the darkest moments in the history of the NFL, perhaps even THE darkest moment. It is going to be an absolute bloodbath between management and workers. The stalemate will go on for weeks, maybe even months, until the NFLPA gets their demands, which you can guarantee will mostly pertain to Goodell’s power, its disciplinary process, the eradication of Article 46, and player contracts. We may be looking at a 1994 MLB level strike here people, with no football for months and perhaps maybe even a whole year. NFL players are and should be tired of Goodell’s shit, and they will do everything in their power to make sure he steps down as commissioner, which may be the most likely outcome in this situation, but even with the prospect of a new commissioner lingering I still find it quite hard for the NFLPA to budge on that.

Some players cannot afford to take the financial risks of a strike, but this in turn opens up the opportunity for an up and coming football league to form, be that as it may be worthless as soon as this strike ends, to take advantage of this, and take away some of the NFL’s business. The possibilities of this later move on succeeding are as low as the probability of me graduation summa cum laude, but there’s still a shot, for both situations. Which reminds me, if any up and coming sports league is interested in brilliant minds to operate its business, just give me a call and I’ll turn you into the next big thing; I have a very good track record at talking shit and never backing it up, so you can trust me here.

Will the possibility of a lockout lasting an entire season be entertaining as hell despite there being no football? Of course; any other decade this would’ve been an emphatic no, but thanks to social media, the buzz it’s going to generate will be of epic proportions. Will it results in more attention to the NFL? Yes. Will it bring in more viewership? That’s debatable. Will it destroy Scumbag Goodell’s tyranny in the most shameful way possible and make him look as an even bigger laughing stock? Abso-fucking-lutely.

I love football. I think it’s the greatest sport god ever put on this green (and 70% blue) Earth. It has its problems, and it has its consequences, but it is still damn entertaining and adrenaline fueled. I will never stop watching football even if I tried. It’s a beautiful game, a game I love to enjoy in an analytical way, looking at every block, every swift, every pass, every tackle, and every touchdown as a correlation of many factors that produce a play that can result in something positive or negative. Taking away from all the fun is this scumbag who has gone mad with power with no control over them, where every season there’s a controversy with no peace, all while turning football into a recycled product with little originality and media driven bullshit. It still has some of its magic in it. I felt it in the Patriots vs. Broncos AFC Championship game, which produce heart pounding moments and a perfect reincarnation of real football, and while my Patriots did lose that game, seeing real football be played with the intensity it’s supposed to be played gave me a sense of invigoration. This will all be gone at the rate Goodell is changing things, and it’s about damn time NFL fans fight for this as they should. The power always belongs to the people, and if they make enough noise, something will happen.

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