“The I’m Not Haaaaaaaappy”-est Place on Earth!

Hey, ladies! Are you tired of the patriarchy getting you down? Did that glass ceiling keep getting lower and lower until it crushed your strong and independent spirit? Of course it did. Well then grab the beta dickstand you’re not sleeping with and make him fund a trip to GirlyWorld Last Resort. Throw those little bastards of yours in day care, and come visit the “I’m not haaappiest place on earth” where women can be themselves, and every area is Fantasy Land. Discount tickets are never available, but if your dickstand really loves you, he’ll do the right thing and pay full price without a second thought.

Admission:

Day Pass: No day passes are available; only a lifetime commitment will do.

Chick Lifetime Pass: $299.00 plus tax gets you unrestricted access and VIP treatment with reduced weight times.

Married Alpha Lifetime Pass: $299.00 plus tax gets you unrestricted access every day unless the terms and conditions change without notice. If this happens, you may need to game the manager into letting you stay in the park. Rear parking may be included for the first couple of years if you play your cards right.

Divorced MRA Lifetime Pass: $147,854.00 plus tax to be paid in equal monthly installments for 18 years. This pass is only good for access every other weekend, with a few of the non-major holidays thrown in for good measure. We demand that you man up and pay for parking because it’s the right thing to do for the chrrrrldren. After you enter the front gate, don’t forget to file a petition in protest of the higher rates you’ve been charged. After your petition is denied, feel free to bitch about your experience on the internet.

Attractions:

1. Barbarians of the Caribbean: Set sail on an exciting SeaDuction voyage through Tequilashot Bay while Captain Bronan planks you in the poop deck.

2. Nigel’s Big House of Mirrors: Marvel at how the carefully angled funhouse mirrors reveal the sexy figure that’s been hidden by your extra 80lbs of awesomeness since college.

3. The Manboobz C~~~ Carousel: A fun and seemingly endless ride with no one waiting for you at the exit except some fat beta f~~~ and his kittens.

4. Forney’s Solipsism Mountain: Take a wild ride to the center of the universe, and discover what you’ve suspected all along: the center is you! Matt designed this ride as a joke, but it quickly became the most popular ride in the park.

5. Main Street U.S.Hey!: A great place to meet and gossip about the other women in the park.

6. The LJBF Nice Guy Tram: The nice guy tram hangs around in the parking lot empty and alone, just waiting for an opportunity to give you a lift when you’re done having fun.

7. Captain Capitalism’s Virgin 3D Experience: Immerse yourself in a fairytale so lifelike, you’ll actually believe your marriage market value didn’t bottom out when you bottomed up in Junior High.

8. RolloCoaster of Love: This exciting indoor thrill ride with its push-pull action is guaranteed to keep you in the dark and inspire dread. You’ll want to ride it over and over again.

9. FFY’s Rationalization Ranch: Take a break from the park, relax, and let Fresh convince you that you’re a special snowflake who shouldn’t be blamed for the 50 shades of what he’s about to do to you.

10. The Dalrockin’ Red Pill Review: A brilliant and accurate musical review of the Christian divorce machine, where you can support your sisters by showing up late, not paying attention, ignoring the data, twisting the scripture, and practicing your shaming language skills by leaving a nasty critique.

11. The Deti Misfortune Teller: How many more “mistakes” will it take? The Deti knows.

12. Roosh V and Me: An interactive character experience and photo op (Euro GirlyWorld only).

13. Danny’s Haunted House of Hypergamy: You’ll be whorrified to see what cougar life would be like if that millionaire rock star Alpha playboy with a heart of gold didn’t propose to you on your 35th birthday like we both know he will.

14. Caldo’s Resurrection Morn Ride: Take a high speed journey on a chuch bus down streets of gold, twisting and turning through a series of empty tombs representing all the versions of Jesus it takes to compile modern Churchianity. When you exit and see the light, be sure to shame everyone who declined to ride or didn’t ride exactly like you did.

15. The Geographer’s SissyFella Castle: No masculine frame here. Huh? What? Just a hollow fiberglass facade filled with blue pill fairytales, White Knight pixie farts, and a puppet with a stick up it’s ass whose dreams of becoming a real live blogger boy will never come true.

16. The In Mala Fide Ride: Closed. It can’t hurt your feelings anymore.

17. Roissy’s Sixteen Commandments of Poon Flume: A classic splash ride that still works like magic regardless of how many times you insist it doesn’t.

18. Ashur’s Laser Spotlight Parade: No visit to GirlyWorld is complete without a parade. Bask in the warm glow of your own personal spotlight, be the star of the show and the center of attention, then flash those bibbidi bobbidi boobs for the world to see. Wooooo!

At the end of your day, don’t forget to satisfy your cravings at Hooking Up Tart where Executive Chef Susan Walsh’s famous Red Pill pastries are topped with just enough rationalization icing and blame-the-player sprinkles to satisfy any palate. Sorry, but they’re fresh out of cherries.

♫ When you wish that you’re the star,

it makes no difference if you really are!

Anything your heart desires….

is owed… to… you. ♫

We hope to see you soon at GirlyWorld!