The Office - Personas

Just for kicks I wrote a script for The Office. You can read the whole thing at http://www.defectiveyeti.com/theoffice/TheOffice-Personas.pdf.

I was inspired by two events, both of which took place in March. The first was an eight-hour Project Management seminar that I attended for work. At the end of the day I was reviewing my notes and realized I'd been handed an Office storyline.

The second was the series finale of Battlestar Galactica. As followers of The Office know, Dwight is a huge Battlestar fan, mentioning the program often.

I half-expected a subsequent episode of The Office to note the end of Battlestar, but it hasn't happened yet. Thus, I decided to write my own.

"Personas" is set around the time in season five of The Office when BSG ended. Specifically, it falls between "Golden Ticket" (S05E17) and "New Boss" (S05E18). In other words:

Andy is on staff.

Toby is back.

Ryan is missing (supposedly in Thailand).

No one in the office is in a relationship, except Jim / Pam (engaged) and Andy / Dwight (mortal enemies).

The Charles Miner / "Michael Scott Paper Company" storyline has not yet begun.

One last thing. Forty pages struck me as pretty long for a 30 minute show, but "E-Mail Surveillance" and "The Carpet"--the two scripts of The Office I could find online (at http://www.dailyscript.com/tv.html)--clock in at 44 and 43 pages respectively, so I used those as a guide. Having never before written a script for an existing show, I figured I'd stick to precedent.

Anyway, here's the teaser. I don't really plan to do anything with this (it was more of an exercise than anything else), but if you have any feedback I'd love to hear it. You can email me at matthewbaldwin@gmail.com.

Update: Someone asked if this contains BSG finale spoilers. Actually, it contains no BSG spoilers whatsoever, so go nuts.



The Office

"Personas"



COLD OPEN

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING

Michael is at the front of the room and the rest of the staff

is paired up. Each group has a flipchart, on which they have

jotted down descriptions of fictional people: names, ages,

sexes, occupations, etc.

PHYLLIS, paired with MEREDITH, is standing, addressing the

room, wrapping up her presentation.

PHYLLIS

Gerald's primary paper needs are

eight by eleven white bond for the

printer and number 10 security

envelopes.

MICHAEL

Excellent. Good work Phyllis.

MICHAEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Personas are a top-level project

management tool used by business

experts around the world.

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

MICHAEL

What you do is you make up

characters and pretend that they

are your customers. And then you

ask them for advice on how to

improve. And that way you don't

have to talk to real customers.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Dwight is completing his presentation. The flipchart looks

like a Dungeon and Dragons character sheet, complete with

stats on the left-hand side and a sketch of a barbarian.

STANLEY, his partner, sits nearby, engrossed in his puzzle

book.

DWIGHT

... when in a beserker rage,

Rivenheart can attack twice per

round but is unable to defend.

MICHAEL

(exasperated)

Dwight, you -- Missing the point.

Why does your persona need paper?

DWIGHT

He doesn't need paper. His history

is written in the lamentation of

his enemies.

MICHAEL

Okay sit down. Just-- Sit down.

Dwight does so as Michael wrestles with his irritation.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

Who's next? Jim and Kevin.

KEVIN looks at JIM with a giddy smile; Jim nods confidently.

Kevin stands and gestures at his flipchart, on which he has

written a series of bulletpoints describing his persona.

KEVIN

Our persona is "Mark L."

His pronunciation of "Mark L." is almost identical to

"Michael", and he pauses expectantly. When there's no

reaction, he continues, struggling to maintain a straight

face.

KEVIN (CONT'D)

Mark L. is in his mid-40's. Single,

no family, no girlfriend. Dead-end

job as regional manager in a dying

industry. This guy is going

nowhere.

Titters around the room as people recognize the gag. They are

laughing with Michael, assuming he'll catch on at any moment.

KEVIN (CONT'D)

He tells a lot of bad jokes. His

favorite is short, but he knows how

to use it.

Jim hears his prearranged cue.

JIM

That's what she said!

Michael laughs.

MICHAEL

Good one, Jim! Nicely done. Okay

Kevin, let's keep this moving.

Kevin looks uncertain.

KEVIN

He's always walking around the

office interrupting people's work

with pointless stories. Or

insensitive remarks. About their

weight. And baldness ...

MICHAEL

Ugch. Why would you even invent

this guy?

Kevin at a loss. Desperately trying to clue Michael in, he

deviates from the flipchart.

KEVIN

Owns a "World's Best Boss" mug?

Drives a Sebring? His birthday is

March 15th? No, nothing?

In a burst of inspiration, Jim leaps to his feet.

JIM

I think Mark L.'s worst trait is

his utter lack of self-awareness.

He wouldn't even recognize a

description of himself.

(beat; then slowly)

Wouldn't even recognize a

description ... of himself.

Michael looks pensive for a moment, on the verge of

realization. But then he shudders at his mental image of Mark

and says:

MICHAEL

And what are his paper needs?

KEVIN

(to Jim; accusatory)

You said this would be funny.



END COLD OPEN





You can read the whole thing as either a PDF (best) or as HTML (with some lost of formatting). An .fdr files is also available upon request. Enjoy.