During the Hive, we’re asking writers and editors from inside and outside Slate to present their ideas for improving the Oscars.

Sometimes you have to admit defeat. The Hive suggestions so far may buff and tweak the Academy Awards, but they can’t change the fact that people thanking and saying nice things about each other is boring. The point of the Oscar ceremony is not to entertain viewers—it’s to give unsung film editors, costume designers, and makeup artists their time in the limelight; to reward great acting, directing, and screenwriting; and to allow stars to mingle in a context so scripted and airbrushed that they basically can’t screw it up.

The academy should stop trying to make its awards show watchable and just film the after-parties instead.

After all, it’s the post-show soirees that serve liquor, provide cozy nooks in which exes can talk, and allow stars to relax since they’re no longer worried about winning or losing. Doesn’t drama seem far likelier to go down at a James Franco bash which the host has decided to skip than in an auditorium where the most heated wrangling is for who can muster the most extravagant praise for Meryl Streep?

There’s no reason to force viewers to sit around and watch stars doing their darndest to be courteous and unobjectionable; if they’re going to act, then why not give them an interesting plot to act in? But there’s also no reason to deprive all the hardworking movie folk of the opportunity to be recognized, or to fault them for making nice with each other. So keep the Oscars, but keep them private. At Elton’s after-party, or Vanity Fair’s, stars talk without the help of teleprompters, eat or don’t eat various things, and even do some dancing. I’d much rather enjoy Gary Oldman’s funky chicken than listen to him say glowing things about his agent. In this age of Snooki and Charlie Sheen, let’s grant Hollywood its hoopla of warm wishes and formality—and then move in with the cameras when everyone wants to decompress afterward.

Got a great idea for improving the Oscars? Submit your idea to the Hive!