1. BETA AM I. I’ve decided not to take offense and act as if my manhood is being challenged just because the dog clearly considers my wife the alpha male in our house.

2. COAT AVERSIONS. Single-digit temperatures are apparently not enough to motivate your teenagers to wear a properly thick winter jacket, nor is screaming “Are you insane?” They obviously possess the mind-body control of Buddhist monks because they manage to avoid shivering in front of me in their thin, fleece pullovers even when the wind chill hits -2 degrees. I don’t know when or why winter coats became uncool, but it makes me nostalgic for the days when my friends and I wore the hoods of our Eskimo jackets zipped up so far all you could see was our eyes looming between the fur-rimmed portholes we created.

3. AN INDEFENSIBLE AESTHETIC. Somewhere along the line, our child rearing with our youngest went horribly wrong. She considers High School Musical the pinnacle of American film-making.

4. NO COMPRENDE. Eavesdropping on my daughters’ conversations with their friends was easier when they were little. Now as I drive them in the car and they take those momentary breaks between silently texting, I need a translator to figure out what they are saying. (I would be glad to hear from anyone who could tell me the meaning of “BTDubs, that ginger is Tumblr af.”)

5. ALL GROWN UP. My eldest daughter and I recently completed our first tour of college campuses. What a whirlwind, and of course, as we crossed those beautiful quads surrounded by ivy-covered buildings, my daughter had to tolerate those speeches that began with, “Oh, yeah, this takes me back.” And after touring three not-quite-right schools, we finally discovered what seemed to be the perfect fit. When we met with the admissions counselor at the end of the tour, I was eager to find out all we could do to increase her odds of acceptance. And what was my daughter’s feedback after I took four days off and drove nearly 1,000 miles? Letting me know, “Dad, you should have let me speak for myself a little bit more.” Oh right, sorry about that. You would have thought touring all those colleges she might attend would have forced me to remember she’s not six anymore.

Okay, I have to admit I am a little jealous about how much our Yorkie “looks up” to my wife. I can’t get him to do anything!

Share your reactions or similar experiences.

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