“Why did Connie have to say I have one mother instead of zero? Or three?”



On paper, Fusion Cuisine has everything you’d want from a top tier episode. We get a new fusion, time with Connie and Greg, and a moral about queer and blended families. In execution…well, if you’re as tired of poor reviews during this stretch of the show as I am, you might wanna skip this one.

Despite being informed by past episodes (such as fusion as a function and the healing of Connie’s eyes) and influencing future episodes (Steven’s grounding here has lasting consequences through Season 2), Fusion Cuisine takes House Guest-like liberties to advance its plot at the expense of its characters. The biggest victim is Connie, who has always been capable of coldness but is never mean in the way she is here. The plot hinges on her expecting Steven to cover for a hurtful lie without offering any help, and she chews his head off when he acts the way he always acts; her harsh dismissal of his concerns that she’s ashamed of him is just the icing on the cake.

The intent, I’m sure, is to show how strict her parents are and how that affects her, but there’s zero indication in any episode, including this one, that Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran would look down on Steven for having a single father. Moreover, if she fears that her parents won’t approve of her having a magical friend, why wouldn’t she focus on Greg, Steven’s only non-magical parental figure?

The assumed answer is that she’s a stressed kid who didn’t think things through, which makes total sense. But that means the show must present parents that dislike unusual things to warrant her fears, and they adjust pretty darn fast to the alien behemoth eating dinner with them. The Maheswarans are stern, but it’s always about manners: we only see them get upset about Alexandrite and the Universes arriving twenty minutes late, Connie banging her head on the table, Alexandrite eating sloppily, and Alexandrite insulting Dr. Maheswaran’s profession. These are reasonable things to be miffed about, and it’s all the strictness we get from them; heck, they were even fine with Connie hanging out with a kid/family they’d never met, only getting concerned when told the kids were playing swords (sorry, with swords).

The Maheswarans aren’t the Dursleys, and they sort of need to be for Connie’s logic, even in panic mode, to hold water. Would a kid assume that parents who expect straight A’s are homophobic? That overprotective parents are anti-miscegenation? There’s a fantastic moral in here, truer today than ever, about kids worrying their parents won’t accept their friends or friends’ families for being different. But I feel like it only works if the parents actually indicate unease about different people, and the Maheswarans don’t.

The moral also suffers from Connie’s family being the only nuclear family we’ve seen on the show at this point. One of the fascinating things about Steven Universe pre-Lion 3 is that none of the kids in Steven’s neighborhood has a visible mother: the Frymans, the Pizzas, and Buck seem to be raised by single fathers (give or take a Gunga), while Onion, Sour Cream, Sadie, and Lars have moms that are introduced later in the show. Even when we meet the stragglers, it turns out Sour Cream and Onion are in a blended family and Sadie’s father is AWOL. These family structures aren’t set in stone (see: Vidalia revealing that Yellowtail isn’t a single father) but the only two-parent non-blended households we see in the series are Connie’s and, unless there’s an unmentioned step-parent in there, Lars’s.

Steven Universe shows such a variety of families that Connie’s normalization of nuclear families, in-universe, rings a bit false. Steven has never been made to feel like an outsider for his missing mom or triple-guardian home, so it gives the impression that Connie is the one with the problem. And that would be fine if Fusion Cuisine called her out on it, but it never does. She barely even apologizes for lying in the first place.

I’m not against Connie making mistakes; if she didn’t, we wouldn’t have Love Letters or Sworn to the Sword or Beach City Drift or Gem Hunt or Mindful Education (or, arguably, Winter Forecast or Nightmare Hospital or Crack the Whip), and I love most of those episodes! And her lie about Steven’s parents was likely told well before they became too close, when she was still new at the whole “having friends” thing. And arguments can be made that the best way to show her parents’ influence was to throw her off this completely, that her out-of-character moment is supposed to be out of character. I honestly imagine many readers disagree with how hard I am on her about this one.

But then I see her decision to run away with Steven, and I can’t help but wish this is the sort of reaction she showed all episode. At this point in the show, it’s just as out-of-character for her to be so rash and naive about life on the road, but we see instantly understand why she makes the decision, instead of needing to make assumption after assumption about why she really lied about Steven when her own explanation doesn’t hold up.

There’s an unusual sense of laziness behind this episode, and everything you just read is merely one of the symptoms. Why are our characters sitting around eating when there’s clearly been a frightening population decrease in Delmarva? This one-table eatery is eerily empty, and the bus is just as barren: we don’t even see the driver. This from a crew that designed an entire bedroom for a beetle on a barren mountain peak to live in.

Connie’s motives might be questionable, but Alexandrite only shows up because of further laziness: Pearl, who Steven easily identifies as the most traditionally maternal Gem, suddenly hates eating. Yes, it’s a known trait now, but she has no aversion to food until she needs to for Fusion Cuisine to work. Why wrack your brain to think about a reason she’s unqualified when you can just invent a new characteristic whole cloth?

You know how the big fusions we’ve seen are voiced by singers like Aimee Mann and Nicki Minaj (and Estelle)? You’ll never believe who they got to play Alexandrite: that’s right, non-singer Rita Rani Ahuja, best known for directing 2008 short film Bombay Skies! She’s only got a few lines, so why put in any effort to keep up such a cool trend? What’s that? Opal only had three lines and they still pulled out the big guns? Whatever.

What’s with Mr. Maheswaran freaking out when Steven hugs Connie? At what point did we establish that the Maheswarans are against this kind of behavior? Enh, whatever, I guess it’s a good enough gag to close out the episode on!

This episode is worse than bad, it’s disappointing. It’s got so many great ingredients to work with, and little moments shine through the sloppiness (Garnet’s phone manner, Alexandrite’s theme, Connie’s excitement over running away, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn’s work as Dr. Maheswaran), but this Cuisine tastes more like leftovers. The kind that taste bad cold but get soggy if you microwave them and burn too easily in the oven.

Future Vision!

Was Garnet Mom Universe actually panicking when she said Steven and Connie were playing swords, or making a prediction? Note the adjustment of her shades when she’s fumbling for an answer. (Thankfully this doesn’t mean Connie’s training leads to the kids bleeding to death.)

Before Jailbreak, Garnet’s existence as a fusion was a wild fan theory. All it took was this screenshot to take away the “wild” part. Oh man, actual effort!

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

I mean, I hate to repeat something verbatim from my House Guest review, but if Fusion Cuisine’s gonna repeat the same issues as that episode, I might as well. *Ahem*: “Does an entire episode count?”

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I’m really tough on this one, because it’s the only time I’ve ever sensed that the crew didn’t care. Other episodes have little moments of laziness or obvious budget or deadline restraints (note the similarly empty diner and lodging in the terrific Keystone Motel), but here the sentiment sets the tone for the entire episode. House Guest ranks lower because Greg is even more out of character there than Connie is here, but it’s a close call.

But this is the last bad one for a while, if that helps. And if you liked it, that’s even more good episodes for you! Congrats!

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3. Fusion Cuisine

2. House Guest

1. Island Adventure