As they say, if Elizabeth Warren were a car, today President Trump would have had to take her to the DMV and pay a title transfer fee because she was definitely owned.

The day started with Warren off the reservation and on the warpath, launching an attack on Trump that was obviously coordinated with several media outlets.

And why did they get it backward? Because Warren's PR shop handed them a pre-packaged "news" story and the media ran it without question. Not a single editor stopped and said, "Wait, this actually proves she doesn't meet any possible standard for Indian ancestry." — John Hayward (@Doc_0) October 15, 2018

Her objective was to call out Trump on his challenge that he would pay $1 million to her favorite charity if she could prove she was an Indian. This DNA test was supposed to do that.

The big story of Warren’s Indian ancestry eventually descended into self-parody as it was shown that she might very well be one of the whitest white people around. The most generous interpretation of her non-European DNA indicated a non-European some 7 generations ago making her 1/64 whatever it was. The DNA may have originated 10 generations ago, making her 1/1024 whatever. I say “whatever” because her DNA was compared to DNA from Latin America, not to North American Indian tribes. (Read my post on the test.)

By late afternoon, things were getting bad.

The Cherokee Nation told her she wasn’t one of them and that her political games weren’t helpful.

And she apologized to the Cherokee:

I won't sit quietly for @realDonaldTrump's racism, so I took a test. But DNA & family history has nothing to do with tribal affiliation or citizenship, which is determined only – only – by Tribal Nations. I respect the distinction, & don't list myself as Native in the Senate. — Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) October 15, 2018

And on the defensive about using her lies about Indian ancestry to get a tenured Ivy League professorship:

Bottom line: My heritage played no role in my hiring – ever. The @BostonGlobe reviewed all the evidence. Their verdict? "At every step of her remarkable rise in the legal profession, the people responsible for hiring her saw her as a white woman." https://t.co/LTQ6d1sMwM — Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) October 15, 2018

Except that Warren is lying through her teeth, read this thread to appreciate the extent to which Warren’s life has been shaped by her lies about her ancestry:

Every Time Elizabeth Warren Has Lied About Her Native American Heritage: (Thread) 1. Elizabeth Warren self-identified as a "Native American" in the The Association of American Law Schools Directory of law professors in every edition printed between 1986 -1995. — Benny (@bennyjohnson) October 15, 2018

To add insult to injury, the object of her tiny fists of fury, President Trump, mocked her:

Asked about Elizabeth Warren, Trump now says that he'll only give her the money he promised if he can do the DNA test himself. "I'll only do it if I can test her personally, OK? That will not be something I enjoy doing either." (via ABC) pic.twitter.com/BujiKgjakz — Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) October 15, 2018

Which drew a response that made her sound like a whiny little b-…I mean…whiny little old lady:

We all know why @realDonaldTrump makes creepy physical threats about me, right? He’s scared. He’s trying to do what he always does to women who scare him: call us names, attack us personally, shrink us down to feel better about himself. It may soothe his ego – but it won’t work. pic.twitter.com/2rfPSlvlQA — Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) October 15, 2018

By the end of the day, Fauxcahontas was ready for some heap big firewater and warming her ample ass by the flames of her presidential ambitions.

Elizabeth Warren Disappointed After DNA Test Shows Zero Trace Of Presidential Material https://t.co/YrpY1AYgqF pic.twitter.com/u5OgHIKVYg — The Onion (@TheOnion) October 15, 2018

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