LGBTQ Coming Out Stories That Will Give You All Of The Feels by liz bertorelli





1.



If y'all didn't know, today is National Coming Out Day ! In fact, today marks its 30th anniversary but instead of giving you a history lesson, we decided to focus on stories from our very Passionfruit community. Coming out is a process, a process that takes times and is different for everyone. Please never out, pressure, or advise someone to come out if they are not ready to do so. Your own individual stories and voices are important for this reason. We hope that the stories shared with us bring you joy, validation, confidence and a laugh or two.

"My coming out story is, in a word, ridiculous. I was a sophomore in college in Florida and my girlfriend at the time was in Maryland. She came down to visit me over break and we had only been together for about 2 months. I was feeling the pressure of wanting to come out to certain people but as I was attending a Methodist based college, I kind of just bottled it all up until it got to that point where I was like "I have to tell my parents". I've never been great at talking about my feelings. When I get "stuck", I write them out. I started addressing an e-mail to my dad and proceeded to write what would be the equivalent of about 6 pages saying everything. That I was gay, that I had a girlfriend, that my parents did nothing wrong (though I now know that's never a thing), that I felt like my mom was slightly homophobic but I understand she was probably just scared, that I had struggled with this for years etc.

It was about 2am at this point and I was exhausted from crying and spilling all the feelings. I had no intention of sending it. I went to hit "delete" and I somehow hit "send". I then went downstairs to my best friends room, someone who was studying to be a minister, knocked on her door and immediately after she opened it, I said words I never thought I'd say..."Please pray with me". She held me while I cried, stayed up all night with me and we talked. Now it's morning and I'm FREAKING OUT. I received a call later that night from my mom. Just seeing her name on the screen resulted in me having a huge panic attack but I answer any way:

Mom: "Hey baby girl!"

Me: "Uh hi"

Mom: "How are you?!"

Me: "I'm...fine.."

Mom: "Yeah we just got back home to Florida, we've been driving all day."

Me: Ohhhh!" (realizing that's why they didn't respond to my email)

Mom: "You ok? You sound strange."

Me: "Uh, yeah, I uh ummm..."

Mom: "What's wrong?"

Me: "Uhhhh [inner me = don't do it Lyndsay!] yeah I'm uh....Did dad get an e-mail by chance?"

Mom: "Oh, I don't know! (mom shouting in the background "hey Bob? Your daughter sent an email...did you get it?)

Me: "No, uh, wait no, no, no!"

Mom: "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Me: "Uhh, crap, ummm...I'M GAY! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!"



Absolute silence follows until my mom calmly says: "call your brother" and we hang up.



Me: "Hey bro, mom told me to call you?!"

Brother: "Why?"

Me: "I don't know. I'm freaking out. I just, ok....well....I guess I should tell you. Jonathan...I don't know how to say this so I'll just say it, I'm gay!"

Brother: "Oh, me too!!"

Me: "WHAT?"

Brother: "Oh yeah!! I told mom and dad like a month ago. They didn't tell you? Whoops. My bad."

Me: "I've been agonizing over this for forever and you just called them up all no stress at all and told them you're gay?"

Brother: "Yup!"

Me: "I dislike you."



I immediately call my mom back.



Mom: "Hey sweetie, did you talk to your brother?"

Me: "Yes!"

Mom: "Ok great! So when do I get to meet your girlfriend? Bring her for brunch this weekend!"





"I'm a 25 year old cis woman. I was 16 when I realized I was queer or pansexual, though I didn't know the language for it at the time. I had always known I had crushes on guys, but I was a teenager before I knew that there was any other kind of option. Then, I met this girl that made me feel like my stomach was full of eels and I was like "Oh. Oh, I see. I get what this is." Around the same time, I was questioning the faith with which I was raised, and I decided to talk to my biological father about both of these things. I mentioned the religion thing first, and he absolutely flipped his lid, so I shut down. We never got to the sexuality thing, and I never brought it up. I wrote this lame story in my journal about me getting together with this girl, because I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Then, I don't remember what happened, but something came up, probably from my father and probably about religion, and I decided I couldn't possibly be queer. I took the biggest, darkest marker I could find, and wrote over that story in my journal in massive bold letters, "I'M NOT GAY." And I stood by that for years. Ignored it. I got kicked out of my father's house, and still ignored it. I got taken in by the most wonderful and accepting family in the world, and I still ignored it.

I joined the GSA in college, became the go-to person for all questions pertaining to human sexuality, and I still ignored it. I had what I liked to call plausible deniability, anyway. I liked guys, I couldn't possibly be queer. Then, one day, I was in the car with my adoptive mom, and we were going back and forth about this Facebook post a girl I'd gone to high school with made, about getting hit on by a woman in a Texas bar. And I said, "I just don't think I would've reacted that way." And my mom looks over at me from the driver's seat, and says, very quietly, "Well. I...I'm not sure you're straight, sweetie." I froze. I didn't know what to say, because I had spent the last several years denying this to anyone and everyone who would listen, and here she was, giving me the permission I needed to be honest. I just sort of stuttered and said, "You're probably right." And that was the end of it. In the end, that was my grand coming out, in the passenger seat of my mom's ancient minivan."

3.



"Not all coming out stories are good but happiness can come out of it. I came out as a trans male when I was 15 and that day was kicked out by my mum and dad. My entire family disowned me and 3 years later there's still not much contact. I was sleeping on the streets, in different friends houses, hospitals for depression and foster care homes by social services. It sounds like such a sob story but now I've started hormones and I'm living with my girlfriend and her family and I've never been happier. So, even if your coming out story doesn't entirely go to plan, it doesn't mean it's the end of your story."

"I’m from El Salvador and live in Canada. I came out to my parents through Skype because I couldn’t keep hiding it anymore. It didn’t go so well. The first thing that my mom said was: “are you sure?“. My mom went on immediate ‘let’s fix you’ mode. My dad, to my surprise, told me he will always love me and that he always knew, but that he was just sad I would never experience having children the ‘normal way’. Unfortunately, after a month, my dad reached out via email to tell me how he didn’t know how to behave around his friends/colleagues that asked about me anymore. I used to be his perfect son and now I was gay. So he decided he couldn’t talk to me anymore. We haven’t spoken since. Luckily, my mom loves me too much and has made an effort to accept me, but I know she swallows a lot and I try to be mindful of my ‘gayness’ around her and other family members when I see them in El Salvador. I’m hopeful one day I can be as free there as I am living in Canada."



– OSCAR RODRIGUEZ, @OSCARRODRIGUEZ





5.

"I was 17 and in high school and I was having a lot of anxiety because I knew I was very attracted to my female best friend and women in general. I was raised Catholic and attended a Catholic High School so I had no idea OTHER people were struggling like I was. Legit, I thought I was the only one who had these problems and thoughts. Fast forward to a beautiful day at lunch when I was running back into the school so I wouldn’t be late (again...) for my third period class. All of a sudden my heart started pumping and beating in my chest and I couldn’t breathe. My arms started going numb, I thought I was dying. I called my mom and she came and picked me up. As the car ride to the house continued, my symptoms got worse, I was hyperventilating, eyes rolling back into my head, whole body numbness (all these details my mom filled me in on). My brother came running outside and told her to call 9-1-1 and the ambulance came. The paramedics told my mom that I was having a panic attack and they had to get my breathing under control. They asked her if I was under stress and she didn’t tell me then, but she knew all along that I was a lesbian, but told them I was stressed out about graduating high school.



On the way to the hospital, my brother called my dad and told him what was happening and my dad said “Is she okay? What’s causing her so much stress? Kevin (my brothers name) is she gay? She’s gay right?” My brother (who I had told about 6 months before) said “YES, dad she’s gay, so what, she is falling apart and killing herself terrified you and mommy won’t accept her.” My dad then said “Kevin, all I have ever wanted for you both is to be happy, I don’t care if she’s gay, I just want her to be healthy and happy, tell her that now. My brother rushed to the hospital with my dad. We all laughed and joked and I kind of got better emotionally after that. A couple days later, my dad wrote me a lengthy letter telling me how much he loved me and wanted me to find happiness and how he would accept my partner with open arms as long as she was a good person and was good to me. My mom told me she had known since I was 5 years old and was waiting for me to be okay with it and come to her. My brother knew because I told him but when I did he high fived me and said he was happy he had someone to talk about girls with and he wouldn’t have to beat up any guys who tried to date me.



I was lucky, I know that. My parents and brother have never wanted anything but happiness for me and supported me for exactly who I am. My mom comes to Pride with me. My brother is the head teacher at a Catholic school in charge of the LGBTQ+ and Ally club because he doesn’t want anyone to ever feel as alone as I did in high school. My dad is immobile due to severe back and knee injuries but he always tells me when he gets his surgeries (numerous) the first thing he looks forward to is standing next to me and my mom at the Pride parade and walking me down the aisle to my future wife. Although I’m sure I’ll be coming out many more times in my life, I can’t help but deem this coming out story my favourite one."









6.



"I didn’t even realize I was queer until I was almost 20 years old. It’s one of those makes more sense now things, but at the time I didn’t realize it at all. I grew up in a very supportive home. My mom always told us if any of us are gay, it’s fine. When I started to question my sexuality I had just transferred to a new college for my junior year. I was playing rugby and I started to notice girls in a much different light. I had a hard time internally, accepting myself. One day there was a man that came to campus to protest homosexuality. I hadn’t talked to anyone about my feelings at the time. My friends wanted me to come to the quad to help protest against the man. It turned into a yelling match between him and the students. I remember it being like standing in a cyclone with everything spinning around me. People were yelling and I couldn’t really make out what they were saying. I was so mad that someone was able to come into our home and talk to us the way he was. All I could think was that I didn’t want that life. I tried to fight my feelings because I didn’t want to have to go through that again. I told myself I was okay with other people being queer but I didn’t want to feel like that personally. After that, I went through a hard time internally. I started dating my first girlfriend a few months later and my parents were totally fine with it but it was still hard for me. I became paranoid that people were staring at me. I became very anxious and suppressed a lot of my internal feelings. It took me over a year to even use the word “lesbian” and to this day I barely use it. My senior year of college I went to a conference called Cresting Change (highly recommend). Going to that was the best thing I ever did for myself. I remember when our advisor asked each of us why we wanted to go, I told her I wanted to be okay with myself. It helped greatly to have an LGBTQ+ community in college as well. I had another hard time when I graduated and had to go home without my community that I had finally found a place in. Even to this day, one of the biggest things I miss is having a community of LGBTQ+ people to be around that understand more of the feelings that I have. My goal in life now would be to work with LGBTQ+ youth to help them work through similar struggles that I’ve had and provide them with a support that they might not receive from the people in their lives."



– EMILY WIGNALL, @

