“Hey, man… You feeling okay?” Danny’s calm, deep voice called out over the sounds of loud music and children’s laughter that surrounded them.

Erik nodded weakly, barely suppressing another wave of chills that washed over his whole body. His hand trembled slightly as he reached up to hastily wipe his tearing eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine… Probably allergies or something.” He forced a smile.

The blissful calm he’d felt that morning had already begun to fade not long after they’d arrived at the party. And now, his body was already giving him the telltale signs — chills, watery eyes, fatigue… Damn it. I need more. Erik knew it wouldn’t be long before his stomach started acting up too.

Now that his earlier high had finally worn off, Erik couldn’t help but feel so disgusted with himself. What kind of pathetic loser couldn’t even face his own family without shooting up first?

Erik almost wished he could say something to his brother about what was really going on. It killed him not to have anyone he could talk to. Everything used to be so different back when they were kids. He always looked up to Danny so much. And no matter what, his brother always had his back. They were best friends. They could tell each other anything.

At last, Danny opened his mouth to speak. And for one wild moment, Erik almost wished he’d confront him about what was going on. “I know you’re using again. I know you’re hurting. I know you feel lost. Let me help you.” Maybe then he’d finally be able to say all the things he was too afraid to mention.

Instead, Danny nodded across the large room to where Kaleb and Harper sat, giggling together over some private joke in the corner. “Look at them… Thick as thieves!” He smiled gently as he spoke.

Erik followed his brother’s gaze, his own lips curling slightly at the sight of his two favorite people in the world. Visiting his family was a rare occurrence for Erik these days, but in the handful of times Harper and Kaleb had met, the two had formed a strong bond. And now that he was older, that bond seemed even more apparent.

“It’s great, isn’t it? God, I still can’t believe how big Kaleb’s getting though…” He said softly in reply. “Where did the time go?”

Everything had changed so much in the eight years since his nephew was born. Erik’s memories of that time were still so clear, and in that moment, he felt so many of them swirling around in his mind. There was one that stuck out more than the rest though. And it wasn’t the joy of holding Kaleb for the first time, or the horror of changing his first diaper…

“Erik, look… You’ve gotta promise me something, okay?”

“Uh, sure, I guess…” Erik eyed his brother curiously for a moment. “But what is it?”

“Just… Don’t let Mama down.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Krystal’s due any day now, and once that kid comes, well… You heard Mama. I’m gonna be outta here.”

“She didn’t mean it. You know how she gets sometimes. She says a lot of things she doesn’t mean…” Erik sounded anything but confident. “She’ll let you stay.”

Danny shook his head sadly. “You’ve heard the shit she says about me. I’m ‘just like Papa,’, remember? And… I dunno, maybe she’s right. But it’s not too late for you. You’re so fucking smart. You could go to uni, get a real job… Can you imagine how happy she’d be? How proud?”

“Hey, she’s proud of you too.” Erik lied. If only it were true.

“Ha. I wish. Look, just take care of her, okay? Keep working hard. And if your shot comes, you take it. Don’t throw it away like I did.”

Erik shook his head, trying his best to chase the memory away. It was just so painful to think of how horribly he’d messed everything up since then.

Everything was so great when he first started uni. He did well in all his classes. He actually had friends and fun for the first time in his life. He’d never had much time for any of that before. His mother was so proud of him, just like Danny had said. He was finally proving himself.

And look at me now… I’m such a fucking failure. He nearly died because he let his addiction spiral out of control. He lost his dream job because the company was too embarrassed to keep him around. He was fucking everything up with Harper because he was too much of a loser to be the type of boyfriend she deserved.

And now he was back on the heroin because he was too fucking weak to deal with any of it on his own. Putting his own life in danger again. Making Harper miserable. But he couldn’t stop. He just couldn’t. He’d already failed so many times before. He wasn’t strong enough.

Mama was wrong… I’M the one who’s like Papa.

“Danny? Krystal’s been looking for you.” A new voice from over Danny’s shoulder finally broke the silence. “She says it’s time to start handing out goodie bags.”

Danny looked anything but pleased at the prospect of handing out bags of toys and candy to a flock of rowdy eight-year-olds. But he nodded anyway. “Okay, Mama. Thanks.” He gave his brother one last smile before heading off to find his ex.

Erik felt his stomach turn as he watched Danny walk away. Was it his body begging for more heroin? Or his heart begging not to be left alone with his mother?

Christine had barely even glanced at her youngest son all afternoon, choosing instead to mingle with some of the other adults and dote on her grandson. And Erik knew it was intentional. He could almost feel the shame radiating off of her.

“Hey, Mama.” He said softly. It was difficult to meet her gaze.

She gave him a small, insincere smile. “It’s nice you could make it. I didn’t think you’d be able to. I thought you might be busy filling out job applications…” She looked at him pointedly as she spoke.

Erik winced inwardly. He hated it when she was like this. “I have been. I’ve been working really hard, Mama. And I have an interview next week.”

“Good.” For a moment, she almost looked genuinely pleased. He watched as her gaze briefly flicked over her shoulder toward where Harper stood. “That girlfriend of yours really loves you, you know.”

He blinked. That definitely wasn’t what he was expecting her to say. “Oh yeah?” Erik finally managed.

Christine nodded. “You’ve put her through a lot this past year, haven’t you, honey?” She shook her head, smiling. “And she’s stuck by you anyway. It reminds me a lot of your father and I…”

Erik’s heart sank. Somehow, the words hurt so much more coming from her lips. “Mama…”

“You’ve gotta do right by this girl, Erik.” She continued, her voice suddenly hard. “And you can start by finding a job.”

The corner of his eyes once again prickled with the sting of tears. And this time, he knew it had nothing to do with his withdrawal. She’s right.

“Erik?” Harper’s beautiful face suddenly came into view over his mother’s shoulder.

Thank God. “Hey, beautiful.” His lips stretched into a smile as she drew closer.

She returned the gesture warmly, though there was a hint of pain behind her eyes. “Hey. Sorry to interrupt, but… I’m really not feeling so great.” Harper’s smile faded. “Do you mind if we head home?”

Relief washed over him at her words, though he couldn’t help feeling a bit concerned as well. Was she really feeling ill? Harper had been so stressed and tired lately trying to handle all their bills on her own… And it was all his fault.

But maybe she was really just trying to save him from dealing with his mother any longer. Either way, he was grateful.

“Not at all.” Erik assured her. “I’m not feeling all that great either… Maybe we can head home and take a nap together?” He suggested hopefully.

Even with everything else between them going to shit, the moments when he held Harper in his arms still managed to make him feel like things were gonna be okay.

Harper’s lips stretched into a small smile once more. “Sounds good to me… But we should probably make the rounds and say bye to everybody before we go?”

Erik nodded, then turned his gaze back toward his mother. She’d been watching their exchange in silence. Probably judging both of them, Erik knew. As always, her eyes said it all.

“Guess we’re heading out…” He almost managed to keep his smile. “But it was nice seeing you, Mama.” He lied.

“You too… Just don’t forget what I said.” Christine replied, pulling her son into a hug. “You can do so much better than this, honey. I know it.” She said softly. “I love you.”

And as much as he wanted to believe it, Erik couldn’t help but wonder if she was lying too.