"I’m not like most girls."

- Most girls (via stone-)

We need some perspective here. One of the deeper lessons I’ve learned is that while there are lots of people who have similar tendencies, it doesn’t quite cut neatly across gender lines.

There are lots of guys working to be pick-up artists, as you’re well-aware. Their methods, as crass as they are, work. But they work because 1) they go to lots of women in bars and 2) there are all sorts of different women in different situations there. Part of me thinks that certain women play along with the pick-up artist game: they know the guy is trying to be something more, and that’s attractive in a weird way. Again, emphasis on “certain.”

The deeper lesson: there is no such thing as all men are the same, no such thing as all women are the same. Yes, women tend to like flowers and dancing and chocolates. Yes, men tend to like sports. But it’s not clear what any of that adds up to. I recently was at a bar and talking to a former soccer player about American football. He would talk about how his team needed to make this trade or that trade to be better, or if only they had such and such a coach they’d win every game. I listened and asked questions, some about his experiences playing, hoping for an answer to this question: Are there certain things a former athlete notices about sport that isn’t his which others wouldn’t notice? (I think the answer is: not necessarily. They can be just as obnoxious a fan as the guy who call into local sports radio).

Point is: you’ve got two entirely different approaches to the concept of “sport.” One guy’s a fan who wants to win. The other is trying to learn more about the game. There’s nothing wrong with either guy (okay, maybe there’s something wrong with me). But you’re missing a lot if you reduce men to “all the same” because many have an interest in sports.

“I’m not like most girls” is a usually defensive reaction. Yeah, it’s predictable. But don’t think because women tend to be concerned about something that they’re worse because of it. Some things are important and they should be concerned about them. Sometimes they should be defensive. Maybe the “girl” in question would be a bit less defensive if she were treated like she is unique. She is, after all. I can show you women who serve in the Armed Forces and want everything in their life to be pink. I can show you women who are extremely stoic, have terrible taste in furniture and clothes, and are absolute geniuses. I can show you women who are terrific writers, others that won’t read a word even if you promised to pay them a million dollars for it. If you’re serious about relationships, you need to be serious about how people are different.

For more on relationships, from moi: Re: “The Nice Guy’s Guide to Realizing You’re Not All That Nice”

(via recklessruins)