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THE long-awaited clash between Floyd ‘Money’ Mayweather and ‘the Notorious’ Conor McGregor that took place in Las Vegas on Saturday night was one of the most important moments in the history of Ireland, according to the young lad with the neck tattoo that comes around and fixes our printer when there’s a particularly bad paper jam.

“Conor boxed the head off him, sure Mayweather was cheating and turning his back on Conor through the whole thing,” said Cian Tremmell, a UFC fan who admits that Saturday night was the first time he’d watched an actual boxing match.

22-year-old Tremmell went on to give us a blow-by-blow account of every round while he dug around in our Canon printer for a sheaf of papers that had gotten snarled up in the gears, and emphatically stated how the fight had been stopped ‘way too early’ by the referee.

“Do these boxing referees not even watch UFC?’ wondered Cian, while vaping inside even though we have signs up.

“Conor was still on his feet when the ref called it, sure normally in UFC you get to throw a few extra digs when the fucker is on the ground, not when he’s just lying against the ropes a bit. If you ask me, the whole thing was fixed in favour of Mayweather. Another round and Conor would have battered the shite out of him. Anyways, it was good craic watching it in the gaff with the lads and a load of cans, streaming on a laptop from some turkish station with no English commentary. Up McGregor!”