Fabulous, thanks – we decided not to go abroad this Easter, not after last year in Phuket. It makes no sense, does it, not when you can rent a cottage, pile everything into the car and go? We started in Northumberland – have you ever been? Fabulous beaches, too cold to swim, obviously, but seals, historic houses and this miniature railway, the kids loved it, then boat trips, lighthouse, crabbing, hills, if you like that kind of thing, a bagpipe museum, turns out there are all these different kinds of bagpipe you’ve never heard of, and this farm with newborn lambs, then we did the Lakes, which is basically like Northumberland with Beatrix Potter and a pencil museum, turns out there are so many kinds of pencils, historic houses, boat trips, newborn lambs, if you like that kind of thing, the children won’t go near them, but honestly, why would you go abroad, with all the awful flights and nightmare early starts, and waiting for luggage, and having no idea if you’ve brought enough clothes, just so you can lie in the sun on white sand next to warm, clear blue sea, worrying you’re subjecting everyone to lasting skin damage?

It’s staycations for us from now on. We’re going back to Cornwall this summer, between the mine museum and the seal sanctuary, no, we’ve done the Isle of Wight, amazing lighthouses, and Dorset, great miniature railway. Have you tried north Norfolk? Lovely boat trips, baby seals, farms, a shell museum, miniature railway and historic houses, plus a shrine, if you like that kind of thing.

To be honest, the kids prefer shire horses, but we always meet someone we know, and if you can afford somewhere with a swimming pool, it’s really just as good as Bali or Thailand, but without all the hassle of passports and airports and skin damage. Mind you, I miss the duty free, and when you do the sums, it’s actually no cheaper, would you believe, and it had better not bloody rain this time, don’t get me started on self-catering and running in and out of Spar 24/7. What kind of holiday is that?