What would Speed Racer do?

I grew up on Volkswagen. As a kid, my parents took us all around the lower forty-eight in a Sportsmobile VW Bus camper. A Hippie-mobile to some, but to Mom and Dad, this was the way to see the USA. Engine in the back, pop-top, no AC, it had a top speed of maybe 55 with a good tailwind. I remember lying prone on top of the luggage in the middle (seat belts? Ha!) with my nose in a book. We had vacations that lasted two whole weeks! We went to Glacier, Yellowstone, Everglades, Penobscot Bay, and wherever else my mom had read about in National Geographic. Those wonderful memories will forever be closely associated with the letters - VW .

Our VW Bus somewhere in Wisconsin.

When it was my turn to buy cars, it’s not surprising that the VW brand stuck with me. Remember the VW GTI Speed Racer ad? That was aimed squarely at me.

Speed Racer always had the best car explosions, and this commercial didn’t disappoint.

I have a Pinterest board filled with VW Bus love. I follow the Facebook community “Bring the T5 VW Camper to USA”. I am a frequent lurker in the VWVortex forums. It’s been a love affair. VW is the brand that just “got” me.

When my daughter got her license, she was getting my beloved 99 Passat. I still love that car. Fahrvergnügen. I don’t speak German, but I understand, nay, shall I say, grok this word. And I believed in it. For my next new car, Toyota? Let’s not “go places”! Honda for you? NOT for me! No. I was heading over to Fahrvergnügen HQ.

“Fahrvergnügen” means “driving enjoyment” in English (from fahren, “to drive,” and vergnügen, “enjoyment”). It also has an umlaut which, like floor mats, costs extra.

Being environmentally conscious, I narrowed the choice quickly to the Jetta Hybrid or the Jetta Diesel. The salesman, whom I had bought all my VWs from, parked them side by side for us. My analytical wife had been through the numbers. It was time to decide.

The Hybrid was nice, but the Diesel! The Fahrvergnügen was strong with this one. Hands down. And then I got to hear all about “Clean Diesel”. German engineering. Of course they’ve done it! I was sold.

And now Dieselgate happens.

We had the VW Camper growing up, but my father was really an American car guy. This was the 70s when American cars truly sucked. No, I mean really, absolutely, you-have-no-idea sucked. The car I learned to drive was a Dodge Aspen. I still remember that Rex Harrison “My Fair Lady” ad called “Unbelievable!”

Whenever this car stalled, I’d mutter “Unbelievable!”

Yeah. Rex nails it. The Dodge Aspen was, in fact, unbelievable! Unfortunately, he forgot to mention unreliable. Unforgivable, Rex!

Whenever the weather was, well… let me just say… moist, this car had a stalling problem when stopped at traffic lights. Actually, it was a stall-and-won’t-start-for-several hours problem. My dad, being the engineer he was, had determined the work around when this happened.

“Take off the top of the carburetor assembly, and stick your finger in the butterfly valve, and put a dollop of gasoline in. She’ll start right up!”

I got really good at this. So good in fact, if the car stalled at the beginning of a red traffic light, I could pop the hood and git-r-done before the light turned green. At all times, we kept a glass Tang jar (the orange juice of astronauts!) filled with gasoline in the front seat specifically for this purpose. That car always smelled like gasoline. It inadvertently became sort of a cologne for me. Real ego boost picking up dates for a nerdy guy in his teens:

Date: “Eww, what’s that smell?”

Me: “Uh, that’s my Tang jar of gasoline. OK! Who’s ready for ROMANCE?!!”

“Sometimes I wonder if there’s intelligent life on that planet.”

I never understood my father’s brand loyalty to Chrysler or any of the American cars we owned in the seventies. They were screwing him over! How could he continue to buy these pieces of shit? What is wrong with him?

Brand loyalty is based on trust. When a car company breaches that trust, why do we keep buying from them?

So here I am. CRAP! I just got screwed over by a freakin’ car company just like Dad. And now I’m scratching my head at the same crossroads. Will I every buy another VW?

Granted, this car wasn’t a piece of shit when I bought it, but when I get the recall done it will be. The reasons I bought the car — fuel economy and great performance will be gone. And yes, I will take it in for the recall. I’m the type of guy who feels like he’s personally responsible for protecting the environment. It’s a dad thing. Dads can’t be polluting thugs.

My brand loyalty has betrayed me. And it sucks. It’s like losing part of your identity. What the hell am I going to do now? What would Speed Racer do?

Update 2019: Volkswagen gets me. They actually made me tear up too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEvNL6oEr0U