URBANA, IL—Hailing their creation as a major step forward in the field of food science, researchers at the University of Illinois unveiled an artificial human placenta Wednesday they claim tastes just as delicious as the real thing. “This is a huge day for consumers who want that big, bold placenta flavor but don’t have the time or resources to make their own,” said lead researcher Dr. Bruce Roberts, adding that the key to their breakthrough was the injection of a soy-based “heme” molecule, which mimics the bloody goodness developing mammals have come to know and love without the months-long wait or the tinny aftertaste. “This is nothing like the thin, runny faux-placenta you’re resigned to getting from your grocer’s freezer. Our ‘Impossible Placenta’ is vein-rich with incredibly realistic textures that are nearly indistinguishable from the succulent organs your mom used to make. One bite and you’ll be hooked.” Roberts and his team confirmed that the artificial placentae would soon be available at stores nationwide in both original and barbecue flavors.

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