WELCOME TO THE YEARS OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY!



We know that many of you are jubilant in the wake of November’s election results, and we here at WOOF do not mean to give an impression of indifference– but at the same time we are alarmed by the amount of palaver we’ve audited about the “lame-duck” status of Barack Obama in the face of what clearly amounts to a significant rejection of his policies and principles by the American electorate. Certainly, the forlorn lot of the presidential lame duck is a well-established and oft-referenced condition of the office, and a staple of American political tradition. Bill Clinton even produced a humorous video about the general sense of ennui besetting his final White-House days as a proverbial lame duck. On the off chance that any of our readers doubts us, or has nothing better to devote five minutes of his lifetime to than watching the Big Bubba hamming it to the unendurable max, we offer said video here! Whether you watch it or not, it serves nowadays as a bittersweet reminder of a time in which even the most ardent left-wing mountebank could face his political denouement with something approximating acceptance…even grace.

Apparently, numerous observers of the American political scene, including many who are conservative, including many who should know better, suppose that Barack Obama, like Bill Clinton, will ease himself into political irrelevance and shamble off stage, his pockets packed with the traditional book deals and exorbitant lecture fees. It is as though the shade of the ever-affable, ever reasonable, Hugh Sidney were strolling the streets intoning in his ever sedating drone, “All’s well! All’s normal in these good old United States of ours!” But this is not so, nor is anything approaching normal lame-duckery about to happen. Oh, Barack will get the book deals and lecture fees, all right; but the part that isn’t going to happen is the part where he goes gentle into that good night…the very idea is preposterous, because Obama is not so much a lame duck as he is a wounded and indignant duck.

Ponder the extraordinary naïveté of Mitch McConnell who, after observing Obama’s behavior in the immediate aftermath of the election found himself scratching his head and ruefully noting, “The president continues to send signals that he has no intention of moving toward the middle.” Mitch, Obama was never a post-racial president, but he was most certainly the first post-American one. We at WOOF must continually remind ourselves that most folks still cannot fathom this enormity. We genuinely believe, for instance, that Chris Cillizza Washington Post when he reasoned that Obama’s decision is a simple one: [A presidential directive granting amnesty to illegals] is good policy and, in the long term — maybe in the short term, too — good politics.” Chris, listen old sport, politics was a transitional phase of the Obama revolution. Who do you think you’re analyzing here, Mary Landrieu? We are beyond politics now–so forget your old Teddy White histories and check out a few radicals, like self-proclaimed Leninist Slavoj Žižek (the NY Times called him “the Elvis of cultural theory”) who speaks of “what you might call our cultural, post-political capitalism, in which the most passionate struggles are cultural ones.” (Like the cultural struggle to terminate capitalism.)

And his pummeling this November merely strengthened Obama’s resolve to deal blow after blow to the American commonweal by dismantling the culture, the economy, and the military and the Constitution. Move to the center, Senator McConnell? Obama will move further to the radical left, because he isn’t interested in shoring up his party’s fortunes and fixing its image– he couldn’t care less about that. He’s interested in doing maximum damage, partly out of his ideological disdain for the United States, and partly. now, as vengeance for his repudiation by an unworthy American public. How can we be so sure?

Psycho-duck unchained!

Because WOOF is a secret society, we are precluded from offering the various qualifications of individual members who are equipped at postgraduate levels to formulate diagnostic hypotheses of a clinical nature–and nervy enough to apply them to the President of the United States. The reader is therefore free to disbelieve that such qualified individuals exist among us, (although, WOOF is not making this up), and we feel confident in advancing the proposal that, all other diagnostic vagaries notwithstanding, Barack Obama primarily demonstrates the consistent behavioral characteristics of a textbook narcissist. So what does that mean? Well, there are several flavors of narcissism, such as “vulnerable” and “malignant,” but these are hypothetical constructs, and while our analysts do not doubt that such nuanced interpretations have merit, they will defer here to the official poop sheet, the redoubtable DSM-5, i.e., the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Now for those who may not in fact sleep with the American Psychiatric Society’s manual of mental disorders under your pillows (and we certainly hope that’s the majority of you, because it’s a very bulky compendium) we had better cover the main symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (which are coded 301.81 in case Obamacare covers it). We resort to the use of “bullets” for brevity’s sake:

Exhibits a pervasive pattern of grandiosity

Exhibits preoccupations with unlimited success and power.

Habitually exaggerates his brilliance, achievements, and talents

Expects constant praise and admiration

Exhibits an often unreasonable sense of entitlement.

Fails to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings

Expects others to go along with hiss ideas and plans

Manipulates and takes advantage of others

Expresses disdain for those he deems uncooperative or inferior.

Believes that others are jealous and envious of his situation, or genius.

Frequently sets unrealistic goals

Is easily hurt and quick to react to rejection.

Compensates for fragile self-esteem by exhibiting haughty, arrogant, and aloof attitudes and behaviors.

This is a man who shot selfies of himself grinning merrily at Nelson Mandela’s funeral. His speeches, too, have always been monuments to his self-absorption, but in the post-mid-term era they are bound to set new records. In Chicago last week he managed to use the first person singular (mainly the pronouns “I” and “me” and the adjective “my”) a stunning 91 times; but this is not his personal best. In 2010 he treated an audience in Austin, Texas to 199 references to himself in no less than 40 minutes. Beat that, Fidel Castro! So perhaps you can see our point, gentle readers, when we suggest we are ruled by a pathalog of definable nature and propensities. We also maintain that the traits bulleted above demand our attention more than ever in the wake of the November elections.

The president, after all, delivered a speech in the aftermath of his administration’s decisive (if woefully belated) rejection by American voters that was notable for its detachment from reality.“I have a unique responsibility to try and make this town work” the president told the press. “So, to everyone who voted, I want you to know that I hear you.” And then, as the liberal media gaped uncomprehendingly, he bizarrely appended, “And to the two-thirds of voters who chose not to participate in the process yesterday, I hear you, too.” Really? And what, you may be wondering, did Our Dear Leader hear the two thirds of Americans who didn’t vote, say to him? The answer, we suggest, lies within the narcissistic pathology, and it’s simple: Obama heard two thirds of the American people tell him that he is exactly on target, that he is brilliant and misunderstood by his inferiors and that he must press courageously, unwaveringly ahead to complete his mission of bringing the fundamental transformation of America to its full, maximally destructive conclusion! Okay, narcissists don’t hear things, per se, but they infer things in strict accordance with their grandiosity. And this is a classic feat of narcissistic re-framing—a psychically perceived mandate grabbed out of thin air in the midst of a blatant and historically decisive political rejection.

How, a rational citizen might ask himself, can the man have missed the point? One of the defining components of narcissistic personality disorder is it’s utility as an ego defense mechanism. Narcissists are exceptionally well equipped to practice self deception even to the point of delusion. They simply reframe their “superior” concepts of reality to accommodate their narcissistic delusions. Thus, Obama’s take-away from having lead his party to an unprecedented slaughter at the polls is that approximately two thirds of the American people secretly want him to move boldly forward and ram his agenda all the way home.

T he Washington Press Corpse on the day following the election were so shell shocked that a number of them came completely out of character and asked pointed, even intelligent questions of the president, all of which he deflected with his customarily aloof double-speak, a good deal of which emphasized the need for bipartisanship. Bipartisanship, for the unfamiliar, is that quality of political compromise and malleability invariably sited by the Liberal Establishment Media as essential in Republicans whenever Republicans win big, lest they be perceived as arrogant, and never mentioned in conjunction with Democrats except to the extent that when Democrats win big, it is once again decreed essential for Republicans, lest they appear defiant. Obama, however, has a particularly dissociative view of the concept, remindful of the famous Hollywood director who when asked to define teamwork, quipped, “Teamwork is a whole bunch of people running around doing exactly what I say!” And that is a perfect narcissistic conception of the term, so that Obama’s references to bipartisanship may be correctly understood to mean giving the president exactly what he wants, exactly how he wants it. Narcissists never, ever, compromise in matters of importance, unless it’s a trick or a trap, and most often it is both!

Despite the risk of expatiating wearisomely, we cannot resist adding that a compounding danger inherent to the narcissistic personality is the tendency, when challenged or frustrated, to gravitate toward mania… a burst of energized activity combined with a diminished awareness of the dissonance between the narcissist’s expectations and reality, If you are thinking at this point that a for-instance might be helpful, try repeating “presidential directive” a few times, while ignoring the Constitution. And consider further how quickly unrealistic goals and schemes become less unrealistic when we stipulate that the narcissist is President of the United States, and a wounded duck on the attack. And scarier still: the loyal opposition is almost uniformly chicken. So, what zany antics will ensue?

Migrating pains….

With respect to the tsunami of non-english speaking, uninvited and completely illegal immigrants pouring over our borders and taking up residence in the U.S., the reader may find solace in President Obama’s frequent assurances that, despite his most malignant wishes, he lacks any authority to instigate or legitimate such phenomena. In fact on 22 distinct occasions [documented here] he has explained that it does not fall within his purview to unilaterally legalize the entry of millions of unregistered foreign citizens into this country, nor to grant them the right to make themselves at home in America.

In October of 2010 Obama explained to Univision that he could not act unilaterally “because I am the president, I am not a king,” and during a Town Hall in 2011 he added, “With respect to the notion that I can just suspend deportations through executive order, that’s just not the case, because there are laws on the books that Congress has passed ….” And he assured Telemundo in 2011 that “I can’t do these things just by myself, I’m not a king,” And our favorite came on September 25, 2011, when President Obama reminded a group of disgruntled Hispanics, “I swore an oath to uphold the laws on the books …. Now, I know some people want me to bypass Congress and change the laws on my own. Believe me, the idea of doing things on my own is very tempting. I promise you. Not just on immigration reform. [WOOF’s italics] But that’s not how our system works. That’s not how our democracy functions. That’s not how our Constitution is written.” But now we are entering the Year(s) of the Wounded Duck, or what we might rightly term (with apologies to the late President Sukarno of Indonesia) “the year(s) of living dangerously!” And “how our Constitution is written” has ceased to concern President Obama, even rhetorically. From now on our system works however he prefers.

T hus, the first and most spectacular aspect of the recent presidential directive legitimating (without any recourse to those branches of government that establish and enforce our laws) 5,0000,0000 or so illegal immigrants currently among us, is the fact that Obama has now struck out on a course he himself declared illegal on over twenty occasions. He, not Sarah Palin, nor the superannuated John McCain, has indeed “gone rogue,” and made it clear to any rational observer of the American system that the rule of law is no longer of consequence to him. By issuing blanket amnesty to 5 million illegal aliens Obama is declaring them, like himself, exempt from the rule of law, and presumably declaring them uniformly eligible for green cards, although no operative body of law permits a sitting president to hand those out, any more than he may hand out Senate seats, liquor licenses, voter registrations, or building permits. Further, he has implicitly relieved concerned authorities such as the United States Border Patrol and Customs and Immigration Services of their duty to enforce the law.

And bear in mind, Woofketeers, there is no telling if the “five million” Obama refers to represent a fixed, pre-established figure, or if they are merely a figure he imagines may sound bearable. He can change the figure at will and it shall become law, n’est ce pas? That twice or thrice as many amnesties may be about to issue is entirely plausible, and “chain amnesty” may soon facilitate the importation of aunts, uncles, parents and siblings, mark our words!

And thus, our Wounded Duck has paddled across the Rubicon. He has, in the process, dragged the American republic across the Rubicon with him—and while it is the business of the Liberal Establishment Media and the Hollywood glitterati to make us all feel good about having wet bottoms, the fact is, America is now under profound assault, illegals notwithstanding, because it is at moments such as this that republicanism (in the authentic sense of the term) ends, and government by regal fiat ensues. And as Pat Buchanan sagely adds: “Bosses who hired illegals off the books will also receive de facto amnesty. La Raza is celebrating. But, make no mistake, a corrupt corporate crowd is also publicly relieved and privately elated.” These are the capitalists who, to paraphrase Lenin, will sell totalitarianism the landscaping shovels it uses to whack them over the head and bury them.

Consider the children!

Consider also the children–you know the ones. The“children” flown, bussed, airlifted and otherwise imposed upon the United States during this summer’s allegedly extemporaneous influx, creating what Our Beloved Leader termed an “urgent humanitarian situation.” WOOF predicts that these tads with gang tats will shortly prove eligible to have their parents and relatives join them and receive amnesty as the families of children already situated in the country…a perverse variation on the military concept of “force multiplication,” inimical in this instance to the Republic. Nancy Pelosi waxed philosophical about the problem, you may recall, declaring the invasion something “we have to view as an opportunity.” This makes sense as a tactical analysis from the ultra-liberal perspective, but which Pelosi endeavored to dissemble as spiritual. Clasping her hands with that look of supernal derangement so familiar to her physiognomy, she intoned, “If you believe as we do that every child, every person has a spark of divinity in them, and is therefore worthy of respect — what we [are seeing] is a dazzling, sparkling, array of God’s children, worthy of respect.” Respect, perhaps, Congresswoman, but not citizenship by royal decree.

Alas, WOOF fears that Pat Buchanan may also miscomprehend the full implications of Wounded Duckiness. He argues that “with this amnesty Obama takes custody of and responsibility for the entire illegal population. He is the patron saint of illegal aliens. And for what they do, he will be held accountable, as was Jimmy Carter for the Marielitos Castro sent and Carter welcomed.” Really, Pat? We love you, Pat, but–accountable? My, what a quaint pre-Obaman concept that is! Accountable to whom, exactly, Pat? David Muir? George Stephanopoulos? Whoopi Goldberg? Bill Gates? Jeb Bush? Charlie Rose? The grownups are gone, Pat—Diana West tried to tell us, but maybe you missed the memo. [Catch up here)

Bordering on insanity

I t seems probable that the newest development in the border fiasco is the piecemeal disarming of American border patrol agents tasked (however prosaically) with protecting Arizona against illegal incursions. These agents are now being stripped of their firearms by the U.S. Customs and Border Protection’s Offices of Border Patrol and Training and Development (is that even an acronym?) While the Obama regime works feverishly to militarize nearly every other branch of government, it seems to have different plans for the border patrols. The agents’ M4 carbines are being collected for “purposes of inspection” but are not being returned. Because the M4s have not been returned or replaced, agents are reportedly pooling their weapons. Queried about the disappearing weapons by reporters in Tucson, Customs and Border Protection released a statement to the effect that “CBP’s Offices of Border Patrol and Training and Development are jointly inspecting the serviceability of M4 carbines throughout Border Patrol Sectors nationwide. Some of (the) inspected M4 carbines were deemed unserviceable and removed from inventory to alleviate safety concerns. Inspections will continue to ensure the unserviceable M4 carbines are repaired or replaced for reintroduction into the field. No further information is available at this time.”

Increasingly outgunned by Mexico’s drug cartels, agents now find themselves without any viable means of defense even against occasional assaults by Mexico’s corrupt and unevenly equipped federales. Some agents have independently asked former drug enforcement agent Jeff Parther, who runs a weapons training school in Tucson, for the loan of some firearms until the issue is resolved. According to News 4 Tucson, “Prather believes removing some of the rifles may be politically motivated. He says he was told that many of these guns are being removed for issues that are easily repaired like the firing pin and bolt.” Prather points out that the government’s concerns about the condition of the missing M-4s focuses on problems that could usually be resolved in the field, and, according to News 4, “That makes him suspicious that the agency could be disarming its agents.” Has Eric Holder resigned yet? Is this nation really okay with the tragi-comic spectacle of American border agents deciding whose turn it is today to have the gun? “No further information is available at this time.”

It maht ay’ve bean eh diversity beumb!

At it’s nastiest, Obama’s approach to multiculturalism is silkily-voiced race baiting typified by his tip-of-the-topper to the rioters in Ferguson, about whom he took the time to remark “…the frustrations that we have seen, are not just about a particular incident. They have deep roots in many communities of color, who have a sense that our laws are not always being enforced uniformly or fairly. That may not be true everywhere….but that’s an impression that folks have and it’s not just made up. It’s rooted in reality.” But even at its most benign, Obama’s “diversity boom” is a devastating blow to the American social fabric…a judo technique flipping the nobility of the melting-pot ethos into a promotion of cultural balkanization and social divisiveness. Even some American liberals (and we refer here to folks like your Uncle Buddy who wear Birkenstocks, drive Priuses and take “Whale Wars,” seriously–in other words, those victims of the leftist establishment brainsoaking who mean nobody a lick of harm and just never quite grasped that we actually do need a military more than we need the National Endowment for the Arts) are slowly blinking at the light and realizing that radically shifting the tectonics of the Homeland is less appealing in praxis than it seemed in theory.

The three fastest-growing counties in Virginia (in case you were wondering, but even if you weren’t) are liberal Fairfax, ultra-liberal Arlington and predominantly liberal Prince William — where the diversity explosion was praised and enthusiastically ushered into residency. These communities are growing so rapidly because of a torrent of arrivals that began in the Clinton ’90s and increased dramatically this century owing to the lax border policy of President Bush and the no-borders policy of Barack Obama. Of the 2 million residents in these three counties, fully 32% are now Hispanic and Asian. Blacks, on the other hand, account for only 12 percent of the population. It hardly requires reporting that the population of foreign, non-English speaking residents is growing explosively while the older Black and Caucasian elements remain relatively stagnant, or dwindle. Suddenly, the largely liberal, Democrat-voting Whites and Blacks in these counties are waxing obstreperous about the situation. Did they all turn racist overnight? Did Rush Limbaugh do this to them, or did they accidentally watch an episode of Sarah Palin’s Alaska? Could it be the insidious seepage of FOX News into the aether?

No, it’s really just reality—that bugaboo of American liberal Utopianism, catching up with the goodly residents of these three progressive localities and turning folks a might splenetic. Why, Fairfax County is actually discussing policies to make illegal immigration –well—you know—illegal. The housing shortage produced by the unregulated influx of foreigners has pushed thousands of Black families out of Arlington, and down in Fairfax they can’t scrape together the funding to pay all those extra teachers or build all those additional schools to educate the ever increasing armies of children who don’t grasp the necessity, let alone the vagaries of secondary education, and who don’t speak English. Illegal immigration isn’t all sweetness and light, it seems…and it turns out you don’t have to be a raving “Exalted Cyclops,” or whatever, to notice that things are getting ugly…especially in the Black community (where we assume there are relatively few Exalted Cylopses) as unemployment and housing shortages skyrocket. And then there’s that whole crime thing—it transpires that not all illegal immigrants are “dreamers” in the paradigmatic sense. A lot of them are gang members, rapists, drug addicts and people who maintain a strong cultural tradition of driving while drunk and unlicensed.

Spanking the canary!

And meanwhile, back at the kibbutz, it cannot have escaped any reasonably attentive person’s attention that Barack Obama holds Israel in unqualified contempt and views its Prime Minister with barely concealable disdain. This point was driven home with all the subtlety of a knee to the groin—an exhibition of that Chicago-style gaucherie that particularly defined the early months of Obama’s first term and is likely to manifest itself even more floridly during the coming Year(s) of the Duck. Those heady early days saw Obama kicking Winston Churchill’s bust out of the Oval Office, (making Sir Winston the only foreigner he ever sent home), warning Republicans in no uncertain terms that listening to Rush Limbaugh was not how things got done in Washington, attempting to lock FOX news out of press conferences on the grounds that they were “not a real news station,” and most asininely of all, humiliating Benjamin Netanyahu by design. The Israeli prime minister was set up neatly, invited to an evening at the White House during which the characteristic diplomatic regimen might be expected to entail a series of warm but frank discussions between allies followed by a state dinner.

But Barrack Hussein Obama had a very different reception planned. He escorted the Israelis to the Roosevelt Room where he immediately presented Netanyahu with a list of no fewer than 13 demands the complete satisfaction of which, he curtly declared, constituted the only means by which his administration’s feud with Israel could be resolved, and the steps necessary to restoring the confidence of the Palestinian leadership before they would agree to engage in further peace talks. Before any of that, Obama informed the Prime Minister, Israel would have to meet his administration’s previous demand that all new settlement construction in east Jerusalem be halted at once. When Netanyahu evinced the temerity to suggest that certain of the demands on first reading were not entirely in keeping with Israel’s best interests and might negatively impact its national security, Obama sighed exasperatedly, rose stiffly from his chair and snapped, “I’m going to the residential wing to have dinner with Michelle and the girls.” At the door, Obama glanced back toward the stupefied Israeli delegation and rasped,“I’ll still be around–so let me know if you come up with anything new!” During the remnants of the Prime Minister’s visit, to quote Israel’s Maariv newspaper, “There is no humiliation exercise that the Americans did not try on the prime minister and his entourage.”

“Chickenshit?!”

Needless to say, things have not improved subsequently. And now that November 4th is behind us and Obama is free once more to exercise his animosities overtly without concern for political ramifications, we suddenly have the widely reported story that an (unnamed) senior Obama official went to the pains of denouncing Prime Minister Netanyahu as “a chickenshit,” which remark was made, tellingly, to journalist Jeffrey Goldberg, following which (by an amazing coincidence) another unnamed senior official went on record calling Netanyahu a “coward” with respect to his handling of the Iranian nuclear threat. (Like, maybe he should have drawn a line in the sand?)

WOOF admits it has been unsuccessful in pinpointing which senior official(s) made the remarks, by which we mean we have not yet been able to corroborate information received from one usually-reliable “Barker Street Irregular,” but we are achingly close to nailing down the facts and we are positive that the remarks were made by two different administration members, both male, both cabinet-level big shots. One, we were assured, would be resigning before November was out. But besides the fact that both our suspects are embarrassingly incompetent officials who boast long records of antagonism toward Israel, what’s going on here?

“Anonymous sources in all our sources…”

T rue, Obama is entirely capable of enjoining his subordinates to call Netanyahu names for no more elaborate reason than the fact that he resents Netanyahu—and one need not be an ardent Zionist to recognize this as falling well within the profile of clinical narcissism we outlined above. Also, please note that no apparent concern about the remark issued from the regime. No reaction of any sort by Barrack Hussein Obama is anywhere to be found, nor from any major player in the regime. Instead, once again, the hapless ding-a-ling Jen Psaki (she of the Ukrainian hashtag and a dozen other mortifications) was trotted out of the state department rubber room to reassure reporters that John Kerry (another prime suspect) was soon to meet with Netanyahu and that “If this issue comes up we will make sure it is clear it’s not reflective of the secretary’s views.” Really, Jen? Asked whether any effort was being made to locate the White House personnel who made the offensive remarks. Psaki, incredibly, said no. The reporter asked, “Do you have suspicions?” Psaki said she did not. The reporter tried again, asking “Is the administration trying to figure out who made those inappropriate and counterproductive comments?” Psaki again said no. Bollixed, the AP reporter managed to croak,“Why not?” And the hilarious Ms. Psaki offered the following wisdom: “There are anonymous sources in all of your sources every single day. If we spent all of our time focused on that effort we wouldn’t be working on diplomacy.” Right, Jen, and heaven forefend anything get in the way of diplomacy!

Reporter Jeffrey Goldberg noted in his Jerusalem Post piece that “revealing its belief that there is no longer a real threat of an Israeli strike – again, whether their assessment is correct or incorrect – these senior officials have done considerable damage to security of the United States and to the possibility of striking an effective deal with Iran.” What Goldberg cannot bring himself to grasp (because he has yet to comprehend the Tao of Wounded Duckiness) is that no geopolitical leverage to stall the development of Iranian nukes was ever applied or intended, and the message now is simply “the sooner the better!” Israel, the proverbial canary in the mine shaft, is being shoved down the throat of the Iranian nuclear arms developers, and the intended message from Washington is not “oops, some unruly knave uttered a counterproductive indelicacy regarding Mr. Netanyahu, and we’re so sorry” but rather, “Hurry up, Iran, because Bibi’s a push over!” The president may in the process be visiting irreparable damage on U.S./Israeli relations, true, but one has missed the point of the post-political Obama era if one supposes this matters a farthing to the administration–indeed, it’s a plus…and the utter lack of any authentic constraint placed on the Iranian atom program by Obama, taken in conjunction with what now amount to diplomatic asides to the mullahs of a near-hortatory nature, may mean that US/Israeli relations will be rendered of no consequence whatsoever by the Iranian nuclear arsenal! Is anyone expecting “a beumb?”

Wait for it; wait for it! Global warming is stilll coming!

Well, on the other hand, nearly everybody seems to be expecting global warming. We make movies about it, pass laws to prevent it–we blame it for almost everything, but it never seems to show up. Like all “Warmists,” the president has consistently dismissed informed climate debate as the height of irresponsibility given the meteorological catastrophe that confronts us, year after year, albeit without ever actually materializing, which is not a big deal of course because global warming, unlike all other solid science, is not falsifiable. As Obama’s website puts it, “Climate change is real—the stakes are too high for climate denial!” The highly funded (and now heavily-armed) EPA couldn’t agree more, and they’re rushing to enact the president’s 2015 agenda for limiting “greenhouse gas” emissions from existing and planned power plants before our coasts are engulfed by the onrushing seas. Put another way, the administration is finalizing its plans to eliminate coal-fueled power plants altogether, replacing them with no power plants, thus driving the cost of electricity through the roof as the supply becomes frighteningly strangulated.

In that adorably Orwellian way peculiar to left-wing propagandists, the EPA is spewing assurances that the new rules will actually help lower utility bills and help fight global warming. “The good news is that we can afford to tackle the growing threat of climate change and, really, we can’t afford not to,” explains Starla Yeh, a policy analyst at the subversive Natural Resources Defense Council. “Doing the right thing will save money even as we protect our health, our communities and future generations.” Gosh, Starla, who knew that freezing to death would stop global warming? For that matter, who knew that we could still afford anything?

The first EPA rule takes the form of draconian new restrictions on coal-fired power plants. It should cost the power sector a hefty $21 billion, which costs will of course be passed to the consumer, which is, evidently, how the EPA plans to “help lower utility bills.” But that’s not all, folks! Comes next the EPA-led rewrite of the “Waters of the United States” section of the Clean Water Act, which amounts to a titanic seizure by imposed regulatory authority of the nation’s waterways—including even pond-sized bodies of water on private property. As Louisiana’s Republican Senator David Vitter succinctly put it, “The ‘waters of the U.S.’ rule may be one of the most significant private property grabs in U.S. history…permitting authority over virtually any wet area in the country, while at the same time providing a new tool for environmental groups to sue private property owners.” The Liberal Establishment Media are hot on the story of course, doing their best to smear fresh lipstick all over this weary old pig. Just last week CNN news blond Deb Feyerick did her part, asking Bill Nye (“the science guy”), in all apparent seriousness, if a recently reported meteor’s near-earth trajectory was caused by global warming. Nye kept his composure and replied politely in the negative, somehow resisting what must have been the intense temptation to quip, “No, but it makes Malaysian airliners melt!” Meanwhile, the president’s battle to clean up our environment doesn’t stop with his fight to preserve our atmosphere– no, it continues even in cyberspace, which also turns out to need a good scrubbing!

The Truthy is out there!

Obama’s war on freedom of expression will intensify on all fronts now that Our Beloved Helmsman has felt the stinging rebuke of an unworthy electorate. Consider Twitter—where a taxpayer-funded initiative at Indiana University called “Project Truthy” set about seeing how many conservative Twitter accounts it could get suspended. Funded by the subversive National Science Foundation to the tune of a cool million, the University project (spearheaded by crusading cyberspacial censor Filippo Menczer, a professor of Informatics [sic] and Computer Science at Indiana University) vowed its determination to track ‘false and misleading ideas, hate speech, and subversive propaganda communicated by conservative groups.” (Apparently liberal groups do not indulge in such despicable miscreancies, so there’s a break.) Truthy’s victories over Twitter-based bggotry are now a matter of record. They were, for example, able to suspend the Twitter account of one C. Steven Tucker, a health insurance broker, for using the hashtag “American Patriots.” Another individual’s account with the highly suspicious moniker, @PeaceKaren_25, was suspended after being linked to numerous tweets of support for that well-known right-wing hate-monger, John Boehner. Countless equally despicable examples of hate speech abound on Twitter according to Project Truthy, which despite limited time and resources monitored by its own account 1.2 million tweets containing “one or more of our political keywords.” That’s right, besides such “false and misleading ideas” as supporting John Boehner (which we’ll grant seems a tad irrational) and such venomous verbal sewage as “American Patriots,” plenty of other odious right-wing phrases and memes are floating around out there, so beware!

Despite its best efforts, Project Truthy couldn’t silence all the reactionaries on Twitter before attracting the ire of the fascistic House Science, Space, and Technology Committee whose chairman, Lamar Smith (R-Texas) (quite possibly an American Patriot himself, now that we think about it) insisted “… taxpayers deserve to know how NSF decided to award a large grant for a project that proposed to develop standards for online political speech and to apply those standards through development of a website that targeted conservative political comments.” Well, heck—the IRS can’t do it all alone, Senator!

Forgetting, evidently, that the entire world is not in lockstep with the mores of the academy, Professor Menczer co-authored a book filled with somewhat self-incriminating braggadocio about “Truthy’s” accomplishments. Armed with Menczer’s tome and the equally self-congratulatory published findings of the Truthy research team, Smith is asking for the original application for the study, and “every internal and external e-mail, letter, memorandum, record, note, text message or other document” sent or received by the NSF about Truthy since the study began in 2011. WOOF certainly hopes that none of the University’s team members suffered any computer crashes recently—that would be unfortunate.

Abandon all neutrality, ye who enter here!

Okay, nobody ever believes us when we bring this one up, and more than any other of WOOF’s pet peeves this lands us repeatedly in hot water with our staunchest allies in the libertarian and conservative communities, but perhaps our more dextrally-situated critics will finally rethink the issue now that they find President Obama firmly on their side. We speak of net neutrality, which we repeat is just another exemplification of the leftist proclivity for ironically disinformative labels—you know, like “affordable care” and “choice,” and “immigration reform.” Need we continue? Well, we’re going to.

Obama has already trotted this pony around the track a time or two, along with various re-ragged versions of the “fairness doctrine” earlier in his presidency. It was only last spring that subversive FCC chairman Tom Wheeler proposed new rules on Internet access that advanced what amounts to “pay to play” access in the name of—you know–fairness. Wheeler is that guy the leftist landscape painters continually insist cannot possibly exist: a player in nearly every imaginable telecom industry venue and a biggie with the National Cable Television Association for which he lobbied in various capacities, as well as a dedicated agent of socialism who devoutly bundled millions in cash infusions for the 2008 Obama candidacy, thus purchasing favor and power within an administration he fully realized was farther left than any other in American history—and thus obtaining his appointment.

That our nation is flooded with wealthy, influential businessmen who serve the cause of international socialist totalitarianism seems to baffle observers both left and right who have been propagandized into perceiving all businessmen as Republican fat-cats, or Ayn Rand superheroes. Sadly, most of these captains of industry are simply dumb. Anyone who thinks businessmen are too smart to fall for socialism’s bait-and-switch tactics should review the enthusiasm with which insurance companies greeted Obamacare, supposing themselves in line for a monopolistic windfall—only to recognize that the realities of the scheme made it impossible for them to do business and stay in business simultaneously. Next stop? A single-payer healthcare system, as Obama always intended, and said he intended. But the insurance doyens were never fellow travelers, they were useful idiots. Guys like Tom Wheeler are fully aware of the part they play, and all he more dangerous because of it.

Confronted by critics who saw his recommendations for improving the Internet as a veneer for controlling it, Wheeler evinced shock. “I will say it again,” he purred, “there is nothing in the proposal that authorizes fast lanes on the Internet. It simply asks questions, such as should there be a ban on paid prioritization. But there is nothing in the rule that authorizes it.” If this sort of doublespeak sounds reminiscent of the selling of Obamacare, it’s because the template is so similar. Wheeler neglected only to add, “If you like your free Internet, you can keep your free Internet—period!”

The president’s vigorously renewed enthusiasm for “keeping our Internet fair and free” centers on Title II of the Telecommunications Act. This is the portion of the bill that supposedly guarantees “net neutrality” courtesy of the government, naturally, and rather oddly since the substance of Title II traces its roots to 1934, and the last time a president actively declared capitalism obsolete. It may not startle the sagacious reader to learn that it is considerably more than 100 pages of ambiguous (and antiquated) legalese aimed at regulating (yes, we said regulating) how carriers conduct communication in order to serve “the public interest.” The problem (or advantage, as Obama clearly sees it) is that the language is susceptible to interpretation and could readily conduce toward the elimination of a free and open Internet by offering ISPs the option of colluding with Internet companies ensuring the prioritization of traffic, but ensuring, under the new provisions, that traffic flows per governmental dicta. Once the Internet companies are on board with administration policies of fairness and balance, (and don’t think they won’t be once favoritism becomes the key to primacy), the government will be the new sheriff patrolling the information superhighway.

Fortunately, not all the corporate players are feeling “useful.” Verizon complained that “Reclassification under Title II, which for the first time would apply 1930s-era utility regulation to the Internet, would be a radical reversal of course that would in and of itself threaten great harm to an open Internet, competition and innovation.” Right on! Verizon may justifiably be denounced as self-interested, as, obviously, it is, and WOOF realizes that generations reared in the faith that nothing can be worse than big corporations making money and that the solution to all matters of inequality is always big government will be quick to revile the loathsome communications giants and rally to Obama’s egalitarian humbug. Obama realizes this too and will denounce the profit-taking communications industry just as zestfully as he denounced the for-profit medical establishment (hacking off limbs unnecessarily for fun and profit, remember?) while leading us into the nightmare of “affordable healthcare.”

Ted Cruz notes on his Facebook page (and say, should he even be allowed to have a Facebook page?) that net neutrality ‘puts the government in charge of determining Internet pricing, terms of service, and what types of products and services can be delivered, leading to fewer choices, fewer opportunities, and higher prices for consumers.” He called it “Obamacare for the Internet,” which is apt indeed, and the amount of flak flung his way by Internet idealists is already so thick, you’d think we at WOOF would take the hint and shut up about this, wouldn’t you? But the idealists can take heart. Yes, those armies of youthful high-tech cognoscente who know exactly how wrong Cruz is because they know exactly how wonderful net neutrality would be if it were ever enacted in accordance with their highest ideals by a consortium of angels in sublime isolation from any real-world sources of manipulation or co-optation will probably get to see their side of the debate triumph. WOOF can already imagine Boehner, McCain, and Lindsey Graham dining with the president and agreeing that net neutrality is do-able, desirable, and just plain good for America–like immigration reform, requiring only a strong bipartisan effort from congress. (Everybody running around doing exactly what the president says!) They will also take a moment to remind us that Ted Cruz is a “wacko-bird.” Sigh.

And speaking of wack-o birds, our thoughts turn perforce to the final bit of buzz-killing reportage planned for this screed:

The charge of the RINOs

This is one of those good news/bad news jokes in closing. The good news is that yes, those of you who await rescue at this fateful moment by the charge of the Republican calvary, can already hear the hoofbeats signifying a massive movement underway! The bad news is, well, that’s the sound of the Republicans racing each other out of Washington on vacation without so much as a backward glance at the conquered citadel where the forces of fundamental transformation are in full array! Do you really expect them to return to DC burning with a passion to repeal Obamacare, staunch the flow of illegal emigration, or draw up articles of impeachment over Benghazi, the IRS scandal, or the usurpation of congressional authority as defined in the Constitution? Look, we hate to tell you this, we really do, but the best thing about the Republican avalanche at the polls this month from the standpoint of the Republican mainstream is: To them, it means the death of the Tea Party!

Yes, a substantial enough win was effectuated this November by grass-roots conservatives that Carl Rove and his like-minded rinosassoauri have concluded that the party can now refocus itself on schmoozing the yocals with the usual e while fighting to eliminate that embarrassing lunatic fringe they perceive as the ragtag spawn of the odiferous Goldwater (that great interloping heathen) and Reagan, whom they privately traduce as a party-pooping anomaly, and otherwise known as that grass roots ! Here is the GOP’s chance to absorb or destroy the wacko-birds. Now is the time to put a lid on those noisy obstructionists like Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Trey Gowdy and Mike Lee, while marginalizing pesky agitators like Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, and WOOF’s beloved Christine O’Donnell–problem children whose antics embarrass the party pros and inflame those crazy, Christian, gun-loving, anti-abortion, tea-party extremists.

RINOs are even now telling one another that the GOP has a chance to get back to business as usual, pursuing the very same agenda as the Left, only more slowly, with greater financial responsibility, and a bit more military spending thank you, (because the GOP is at least loath to be blasted to atoms while it sleeps). Incoming young turks will be brought swiftly to heel by their wiser, more pragmatic senior numbers. And the party moderates will seize this opportunity to consolidate power while revisiting all their beloved inside-the-beltway salons and getting their champagne glasses clinked at all the right Georgetown festivities while luxuriating in the false economia and assured air time the Liberal Establishment Media reserves for the the compliantly faux conservative. That’s right, fellow patriots, rally now for the 2nd amendment, for original understanding of our founding document, for freedom from oppression and from illegally prescribed surveillance, for the right to life, for the building of border fences and the forceful circumscription of the an insensate IRS! Rally now to free local schools to pursue agendas unblemished by the Weather Undergrounders who confected the standards of Common Core. Rally now to build the pipeline after 6 years of feigned concerns for the migratory habitudes of the American burying beetle, the pallid sturgeon and the black-footed ferret, and continue now more emphatically than ever to pound the table in the supernal name of American liberty ….. lest the the only axiom that ultimately recalls this November’s victories transpires to be that hollow irony prophesied so long ago by the WHO:

“Meet the new boss– same as the old boss!”

_____________________________________________________________

DO YOU OCCASIONALLY FIND YOURSELF IN POSSESSION OF CERTAIN INFORMATION??

Well, just as Sherlock Holmes relied on the intelligence services of his trusty “Baker Street Irregulars,” remember, we here at WOOF often rely on contacts in vital areas of national concern–ranging from PTA to CIA, from local campaigns to the Oval Office! (Okay, not the Oval Office--yet–but we’re all ears!) So if you would like to become a WOOF irregular at absolutely NO salary, and slide us some intriguing inside info to which you may be privy, check out our email address under “contact us” and leak your heart out! If your info checks out, you’ll get absolutely zero credit, but when you see the bold“WOOF knows…” preceding your info, you’ll still feel mighty proud, won’t you! NB: Please, nothing more about Roswell, and we do not care where Jimmy Hoffa is. Otherwise, knock yourselves out! –Your grateful editors.

________________________________________________________