On Monday, Bernie Parent took to the Howard Stern Show to talk about his breast reduction surgery. Parent’s call opened with Stern — an admitted hockey novice — asking Bernie what position he played. Bernie completely ignored the question, and it just got better from there.

[More, and audio, after the jump. Trust me, you’ll want to keep going.]

When Stern asked if players are bigger wimps or pussies now as opposed to back in Bernie’s day, Parent responded in quite possibly the best way Bernie Parent could possibly respond to that question: “Howard, don’t say pussy to me at seven o’clock in the morning, I get all excited.”

Howard Stern being Howard Stern, he didn’t let go of that thread. He asked Parent if he got “a lot of pussy” back in the day. “Oh I still do,” a surely grinning Parent responded. He later added that he has been with as many as five women at once. He says he shoots for ones “between 25 and 30,” and that the best part of being over 60 is “there’s an unwritten rule that the woman gets on top.”

Then it was time to talk about Parent’s boobs.

“I live on a boat, and all those years, I never went to the beach,” Parent said. “It really affected me for years and years.”

Bernie met plastic surgeon Dr. Steven Davis at, of all places, Wing Bowl. Davis performed Parent’s breast reduction surgery, and the good doctor himself came on to talk about how the non-surgical procedure to reduce Bernie’s breasts was done. But this being the Howard Stern Show, the main takeaway here is what the Flyers Ambassador of Hockey said when Stern asked if any of the women he was with had anything to say about his breasts. “When you have a big dick, they don’t concentrate on the other stuff,” Bernie answered without hesitation.

Truer words have perhaps never been spoken.

UPDATE: Gross video from FOX 29 from September:

H/T to (@davegross34)