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As the Civilization V Battle Royale comes to a close, a defeated leader shares his thoughts.

00:00 - 00:03 The war has finally come to an end.

00:04 - 00:05 There's even another tournament in the works

00:05 - 00:07 so the community won't have to rely on shitposts.

00:08 - 00:12 The Swedes who wiped us out no longer exist, leaving the world unified and at peace...

00:12 - 00:15 ...and Berlin actually had a good tournament, having only been in the hands of six civilisations.

00:17 - 00:19 So the Boers wiped out the Swedes.

00:19 - 00:21 It comforts me that they went on to win.

00:24 - 00:26 You moron...

00:27 - 00:28 I mean...

00:31 - 00:33 How long have you been away from the sub?

00:34 - 00:36 Brazil came out of nowhere and won.

00:53 - 00:58 Lurkers in this room, get out. Go on Discord. Or something. I don't care.

01:13 - 01:15 G**DAMMIT FORGIE!!

01:15 - 01:17 I leave the sub for just one year and suddenly THIS?!

01:18 - 01:23 Brazil did nothing for two years, then suddenly win the whole thing?! Even Sparta deserved it more!

01:25 - 01:28 3000 years and they couldn't take one stinky Inca city

01:29 - 01:31 And half their own continent were PIRATES!

01:31 - 01:34 How could they win with a tourism bias?

01:34 - 01:37 It's a domination game, and it must be won by a nation that knows how to fight,

01:37 - 01:40 not leap out of planes in speedos and carnival dresses and samba people to death!

01:40 - 01:42 Mein Fuhrer, they actually bothered to build an army.

01:42 - 01:46 An army of knobheads! Who took six milliennia to even notice they were alive!

01:46 - 01:48 Mein Fuhrer, the rules of the tournament were very simple-

01:48 - 01:52 The rule should have been "worthy civs only", not "just pick whoever to fill the gap".

01:53 - 01:54 Look what happened with Yakutia!

01:56 - 01:57 Now we have a bearded wizard called Pedro as world leader

01:57 - 02:00 painting the world green- no, halfway between snot-green and vomit-green,

02:00 - 02:03 spewing his green bodily fluids across the whole drenched cylinder!

02:04 - 02:08 The Boers were a technological monstrosity, but at least they looked like a proper civ,

02:08 - 02:13 who earned their right to own their home continent- a continent which started with nine civs,

02:14 - 02:16 Brazil could barely conquer three.

02:17 - 02:21 And their ineptitude didn't even have the hilarity of Genghis or Maria, or even Stalin!

02:27 - 02:29 How did Australia even fail?

02:30 - 02:34 They had a fortress of a continent, and a navy half the size of the ocean.

02:34 - 02:36 Even the creator was biased towards them!

02:41 - 02:42 And those North American idiots...

02:43 - 02:47 They were so crap at fighting, they had to kill Sitting Bull three times!

02:48 - 02:53 And Lincoln twice, when they could have just taken him to a theatre once!

02:54 - 02:56 With competitors like this, it's no surprise

02:56 - 02:59 that someone like Brazil could come out on top

03:00 - 03:02 and ejaculate carnival soldiers across the world!

03:04 - 03:07 He'll be fine. Just don't tell him what religion he is.

03:14 - 03:16 The Europeans never stood a chance of winning this.

03:19 - 03:23 It was embarrassing. Europe was full of crap civs.

03:25 - 03:26 Except us.

03:31 - 03:33 I'm pleased to look back.

03:40 - 03:46 We had more than three years to prove the might of Nazi Germany, and I'm pretty sure we did ourselves proud.

03:46 - 03:49 In a tournament where sixty die and one lives...