Lifestyle The 25 DC Commandments

Brandon Kopp

And lo, The Racing Presidents George, Abe, TJ, and Teddy came down from where they stretch before each Nats game to bestow upon our nation’s capital 25 Commandments wheretofore if followed, the citizens of DC may live stress-free, albeit politically charged, lives full of restaurant openings, oppressive humidity, and so many gin Rickeys. And the tablets read:

Laura Hayes

THOU SHALT...

1. Be a good sport and take visiting relatives to all the monuments and museums they desire

… as long as you get to pick the spot for dinner. 2. Move to the center of the car

This shouldn't be this difficult.

Laura Hayes

3. Support the burgeoning local beer scene

DC Brau, 3 Stars, Atlas Brew Works, Bluejacket, Port City, Right Proper, Lost Rhino, Chocolate City, and others are crushing it, along with your productivity. 4. Cheer for Teddy

Have you no heart?

Amsterdam Falafel

5. Crush thine falafel balls at Amsterdam Falafel

This will allow you to get nearly twice as many toppings into the pita. You want more toppings. 6. Acknowledge from whence thou came and divulgeth your sports allegiances

If you’re from Maryland and pull for the Ravens, you are not from DC. 7. Reward bars and restaurants that offer extra-long happy hours with your presence

… so that more catch on and follow suit. 8. Do the "HBO dance" at Screen on the Green

Or you will be the only one sitting down and it’s impossible to be a wallflower when there are no walls. 9. Watch Veep, House of Cards, Homeland, and Scandal

People will ask you about them and how realistic they are, so you need to have answers ready. 10. Get the hell out of town on July 4th

It's for the best. 11. Learn where all of the speed cameras are in the city

Or else thou shall get a postcard from thine vehicle in the mail, with a picture and everything.

Ethiopic

12. Try Ethiopian food at least once

It’s in its most authentic state outside of Ethiopia. Chances are, you’ll try it again and again…

THOU SHALT NOT…

1. Stand left

… or thou shalt be struck down. 2. Ask "who do you work for" in the first five minutes

You might get some horrific response like "if I told you, I’d have to kill you". Then, potential friendship = over. You might not have to ask though, see #3! 3. Wear your braggadocious work badge outside the office

Just don’t.

Senate Square

4. Be stingy with inviting people to thine roof deck

We are all created equal, unless thou has a killer view and a pool. Do shareth or thou shalt be deemed a d**k. 5. Assume a cab’s credit card machine works properly

It doesn’t.

Georgetown Cupcakes

6. Stand in line for cupcakes. Ever.

Sure Georgetown Cupcake has 327,000 Facebook fans, but go somewhere else where there’s no line. It’s truly difficult to mess up cupcakes. Better yet, eat donuts. 7. Eat naked fried chicken

Mumbo sauce. Always mumbo sauce. 8. Be unprepared to order when it’s your turn at Greek Deli

This will help avoid a Soup Nazi incident. And shame.

Uber