Drivers have been accused of falsely claiming passengers puked in their cars to charge clean-up money. Good thing Uber has a great record of righting wrongs

Name: Vomit fraud.

Age: Fresh.

Appearance: Suspicious.

Could this be a heartwarming story about the resurgence of joke shops in these beleaguered times and the rediscovery of retro gags such as fake, plastic pools of vomit being placed on chairs and desks to discombobulate gullible teachers and other figures of authority to provide lols for their impish charges? It could not.

A new Law & Order franchise? Detectives Upchuck and Barf investigate emetic-based crimes in New York City? I would watch that. No. It’s the practice of Uber drivers claiming falsely that passengers have puked in their cars, landing said customers with an “adjustment” to their bill of between $80 (£60) and $150, according to the Miami Herald.

Depending on, what, amount of ejecta? Pretty much. A spilt drink or small vom is at the lower end; “significant quantities of body fluids (urine, blood or vomit)” gets you a triple‑figure cleaning bill.

Fair enough. Only when you have actually excreted something vile in your Uber.

Ah. This will be where that fraud bit comes in. Indeed. Some drivers have allegedly been sending in fake photographs of damage – or photographs of fake damage, or photographs of real damage by a different passenger – to elicit clean-up money.

A filthy practice! Well, quite.

What is to be done about these dishonourable deeds? Uber says it is “actively” investigating the allegations and that they represent a tiny proportion of the 15m trips taken every day. Its UK office said it would take “appropriate action wherever fraud may be detected”.

So, how long will that take? Well, Uber has been accused of being lackadaisical in addressing certain concerns.

Such as? There have been multiple allegations of rape and sexual harassment by drivers and reports of misogynistic behaviour, sexual harassment and a toxic culture within Uber.

Delightful. And various lawsuits brought by drivers against the company regarding workers’ rights. And a payout of tens of millions of dollars to drivers in New York City for underpaying them for two and a half years.

Brilliant. Its then senior vice-president suggested doing opposition research on reporters in 2014 to “fight back against the press” in the wake of several scandals. As CEO, Travis Kalanick joined Trump’s economic advisory council, which cost the company 200,000 followers in a weekend.

That’s quite the shower of unsavouries. I could go on – about data breaches and coverups; a promotion that promised to pair passengers with “hot chick” drivers; campaigning against fingerprint checks for drivers.

Still, it’s cheap. Yes. If you don’t want to travel at a popular time. Or get caught up in Hurricane Sandy, when the destruction of public transport made Uber just about the only game in town and the surge pricing policy reacted accordingly until international outrage made the bosses intervene.

OK, OK. I will delete and try to live without it. Back to the ox cart you go. You will feel better.

Do say: “It’s not far, let’s just walk.”

Don’t say: “Half a mile in these shoes?!”