Previously in this series: Songs from a Decemberists Album Where Nobody Gets Murdered

“Your Aloof But Intriguing Friend Really Puts Herself Together Well, Maybe I Should Give Her My Number”

“The $20 We Just Found Will Be Used To Pay Down Some Credit Card Debt”

“Minnesota Provides An Excellent Backdrop For A Healthy, Well-Rounded Adolescence”

“I Remember It All So Clearly, The Time I Courted That Girl I Spent A Long Time Getting to Know First”

“Just Responsible Young Adults With Bright Futures, Not Taking Risks Or Abusing Substances In Public Places After Dark”

“There’s So Much To Do In This Town, Let’s Visit A Museum”

“No, Thanks, I’m The Designated Driver Tonight”

“I Got Over That Relationship Rather Quickly”

“That Girl Proved To Be Trustworthy”

“Stories From The Cotillion Circuit”

“Stumbling To Synagogue”

“Summer Internship At My Uncle’s Law Firm”

“Weekend At The Bed And Breakfast”

“Let’s Watch Netflix And Turn In Early”

“When There Weren’t Any Parties, She’d Head To The Library To Work On Her Thesis”

“Our First Encounter Was An Afternoon Coffee Date At Starbucks”

“Before This Goes Any Further, Let’s Consider Our Actions And All Their Repercussions”

“How To Deftly Navigate The Legal System Of The Great State Of Tennessee”

“Leading Ladies Who Are Treated With Respect And Dignity”

“Churches In My Hometown Where No One Has Ever Gotten High Or Had Regrettable Sex”

“Nope, Never Slept With Anyone Who Murdered Someone And Then Provided A Fake Alibi, Why Do You Ask”

“I Plan To Use My Clairvoyance To Ace The S.A.T.”