"We, as the greatest and best people on the planet Earth, deserve to have the greatest and best national anthem in the world," the preamble reasons. "La Marseillaise is taken by the French, and [Nirvana's] Smells Like Teen Spirit is taken by the youth of the 1990s as theirs. "Therefore, we should change it to the 2003 song Hey Ya by OutKast, which has been venerated for centuries as one of the great party anthems." There is some precedent here, with Melbourne music producer Terry Mann changing the words for his Straya version of the song in 2015. But Wilson's dream of school assemblies and rugby crowds singing "shake it like a Polaroid picture" (that iconic Hey Ya line) was dashed when the petition attracted just four signatories over four weeks and was rejected through the standard official channels. Granted, while Hey Ya is great on the dance floor at 2am, it would not be appropriate at a dawn ceremony. However, this doesn't take away from the fact Advance Australia Fair is a mid-tempo dirge and needs to go. As former Nationals senator Sandy Macdonald argued back in 2001, we should love our national anthem not fall asleep because of it.

"The tune is outdated and boring," he told Parliament. "The words are banal and meaningless. Nobody knows the second verse and the rest of us try our best with the first." Or, as crossbencher Nick Xenophon responded when asked about the national anthem this week, "I keep wondering who Girt is". The inadequacy of Advance Australia Fair is most starkly in evidence when compared with other anthems, whether it be the historical chic of La Marseillaise, the powerful majesty of God Save the Queen or the show-stopping patriotism of The Star-Spangled Banner. O Canada is melodious, God Defend New Zealand is reliably uplifting and Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika is a goose-bumper. The one possible occasion when AAF did get the national juices flowing was the Sydney 2000 opening ceremony. But this took a flourishing jazz intro from James Morrison, four-part harmony from Human Nature, the soaring chops of Julie Anthony, the full force of the Sydney Symphony, cutaways to people flying flags on horses, old men smiling in Driza-Bones and a hometown Olympic Games to get people enthused about it. And yet, despite the obvious shortcomings, the merest suggestion we change the national anthem is met with the sort of resistance usually reserved for frog-killing freeways in rainforests.

Witness the pre-emptive horror in Canberra this week after Victorian Supreme Court judge and poet Peter Vickery wrote to Malcolm Turnbull requesting updates to the anthem to acknowledge Indigenous history. Vickery suggested "for we are young and free" be replaced with "in peace and harmony" and a new verse, referring to the Dreamtime, Uluru and "respecting country". A reply from the Prime Minister's Department conceded Vickery's version could possibly be used as a "patriotic song" but said the government would "need to be convinced of a sufficient groundswell of support in the wider community to warrant changing the anthem". Even though the government rejected the proposal, Queensland frontbencher James McGrath felt compelled to issue this two-word media release: "Hell no". Tasmanian crusader Eric Abetz used his precious allotted time in Senate estimates to quiz officials about why any change was needed in any context. "I assume the government and the department are of the view that Australia is a free country …?" he observed with all the bonhomie of a viper gearing up for a chomp. But Advance Australia Fair, composed in the 19th century by a patriotic Scot, is no sacred relic. The lyrics have been amended along the way – as it was initially aimed at celebrating males who came from the British Isles – and whole verses have been dropped.

The entire anthem was also changed (from God Save the Queen) in 1984 after a national plebiscite, so it can be changed this way again. There are obvious schmaltz-folksy alternatives like I Am Australian, I Still Call Australia Home, and Down Under (Waltzing Matilda would be too sad and gruesome). But we don't have to go with an existing tune. Australia's recent appearances at Eurovision show it is possible to employ an expert committee to come up with decent original songs on the country's behalf. As is always the case regarding symbolic issues, there will be those who say "Who cares? The national anthem is not as important as jobs/the economy/jobs/needs-based schools funding/inland rail/house prices". But symbolism matters. We play the anthem at all our most serious, important and joyful national moments. It defines ourselves to ourselves and to the outside world. And as we grapple with what an inclusive Australia looks like – amid ongoing debate about Indigenous recognition, citizenship changes and the spectre of home-grown extremism – a modern anthem that sounds good and makes us proud matters more than ever.