I saw a curious thing once while I was walking my dog in the park.

The park was full of families playing games and generally having a good time. In the midst of this hubbub, I noticed two toddlers standing motionless � staring at each other fixedly, oblivious to their surroundings.

Then one of them shoved the other, bowling him head over heels.

The shovee�promptly began to cry. The shover�turned and trundled away without a backward glance.

The fallen toddler wasn�t hurt, just startled; a victim of one of those tiny catastrophes that occur regularly when one is tasked with looking after the very small. Even as adults came running from every direction, it was clear that they found the whole affair kind of funny.

We don�t expect the actions of toddlers to be readily intelligible to the rest of us: the shover had no motive, and showed no remorse.�But as they get older, we teach children that you have to make nice and play well with others. These lessons serve us well later in life: we have to learn to share our toys so we can learn to share an office, after all.

Generally, we get it right. We communicate politely, and stay off of each other�s toes.

But have you ever noticed how quickly that training can go out the window the minute that two young people try and talk to each other about employment, education and future goals?

No sooner has someone mentioned that he or she did (or is doing) a degree in X, or wants to work in industry Y, when someone else jumps into the conversation to explain why they�re making a terrible decision.

The conversation rarely stays civil. Backs go up; eyes narrow; tempers flare. Generalizations and stereotypes are trotted out, and before long, two people who often barely know each other are denouncing each other�s life choices and decisions.�It�s something I�m quite familiar with as a two-time graduate in the field of English Literature, but the frank truth is that I�ve seen this rudeness at work between people from all sorts of backgrounds, discussing all sorts of plans.

Even when things don�t escalate to this level, the bad attitude often shows up whenever this subject is at hand, in the guise of barely-concealed scorn or condescension.

I�m not surprised that we tend to disagree about the �right� path to take in life. But I�am�surprised at how willing people are to force their opinions on almost-strangers or newly-made acquaintances.

These interactions remind me of nothing more strongly than the strange forces at work that day in the park between the two toddlers: an invisible, inaccessible impulse to aggression���with a complete disregard for the consequences.

I�d argue that this rudeness is a hangover effect of a pervasive anxiety about making the �right� choices and dealing with the subsequent consequences, which leads to people wanting to crow or hiss accordingly.

The causes are surely much more nuanced and various than just the above, but my conclusion is simple: if you don�t know someone well enough to buy them a birthday present, don�t offer them unsolicited advice on their life plans.

This goes double if you are more interested in giving answers than asking questions.

I won’t pretend that trying to treat each other a little more decently will solve much. If life teaches us anything, it is surely that people will be rude.

But you’re already using this skill out in the�world everyday�� and a little more practice isn’t a bad idea.

This isn’t an impassioned plea that we all learn to love each other and get along.�We don�t have to love each other�s decisions. Heck, we don�t even have to like them.

But we also don’t have to base the validity of our own decisions on the imagined inadequacy of others.

You don�t get the job because everyone else was terrible; you get it because you were the most qualified candidate. Similarly, other people pursuing paths you don’t believe in costs you exactly $0.00, because your successes are not achieved on the backs of other people�s failures.�

Whatever our personal feelings, we need to cultivate a certain amount of social reserve and tact, so that when you hear someone say they�re staking it all on an esoteric degree in hopes of getting a job in a shrinking industry in a city on the other side of the world, you have the grace to say: �Neat! Tell me more about that.�

Otherwise, we�re all just kids shoving each other because we can.

By Elias Da Silva-Powell

Elias is a Content, Marketing & Community Specialist at TalentEgg. He’s also a two-time graduate from the Department of English Literature at Queen’s University. His writing has appeared in various print and digital publications, including The Globe and Mail and Metro. He’s around on Twitter: @EDSPowell.�

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