Women with the sophisticated signature of experience printed around their eyes and mouth constitute a few of the people in my group of friends. And I have a special intrigue in these retired mothers among my friends. I often find myself sitting in their homes, or beside their desks confronted with faded photographs of cherubic-cheeks and large and loving black opal eyes–the kind that take everything in at once. I had a miserable childhood, so I always revel in their herald devotion to their children and the life of work that is often embody in their progeny, and it is exceedingly evident when such friends refer to their children as “my flesh poems.” This otherwise cherished time with my friends can take an ugly turn when they invite me to share in their experience, and they encourage me to plan a family of my own. I am not interested in having children, and sometimes I will attempt to pacify them by saying, “maybe I will adopt some day.” Yet, if they catch me on an off day I will let it slip that I am not really considering having children. They often respond with a knowing smirk and insist, “You will change your mind.” I have always found this popular rebuttal impolite because of the operative of the verb “will” purports a forceful requirement. Furthermore, to expect me to change my mind implies that I am not thinking with my right mind, and reduces me to a misguided and confused young woman; therefore, these well-meaning friends unwittingly insult my personal decision and my identity. When they eventually comprehend my seriousness on the issue, or perhaps the primacy of my stubbornness, I am often no longer misled or immature in their eyes but appallingly self-centered.

I would like to challenge this common misconceptions about women who choose to remain childless. To begin, I consider motherhood to be a potentially honorable profession. Of course, mothers suffer especially personal and physical sacrifices to the extent of near self-effacement, and only a woman who has lived through the experience would completely understand, but as far as a mother’s societal function she has the chance to cultivate life just a physician has the opportunity salvage life. Thus, the opportunity to mother, as a utilitarian purpose, simply provides the means to make a contribution to society. However, making a meaningful contribution to society is not limited to parenthood as we find with the example of physician’s role. In fact, if making an impact on society was limited to parenthood what would be the point in the first place? You certainly don’t just raise children to be parents. Instead, you bring them up hoping that they will make a significant impact on the human race. I know most parents imagine their angelic small children flourishing into brilliant humanitarians. Why can’t the childless person fulfill those visions and let their good work stand alone as their legacy?

I know there are childless women that express similar intentions, and then just go onto reach for the wine and cheese platter. I certainly don’t think it is enough to manage a nine-to-five career and call it a job well done, for a dedicated parent often has to accept the same demands in addition to facing the challenges of shaping the future. A childless individual becomes conceited when they fail to fulfill the same moral obligation to advance society parents are face with. I believe it is important that childless women, like myself, struggle with this, and wonder if they are making enough of an impact on society just as a parent is plagued by whether or not they are raising respectable members of society. Naturally, part of the childless person’s struggle includes finding work that allows them to make the changes they want to see in the world.

While I believe every individual should seek their true calling in order to genuinely influence their society, here are four ways to get started:

1) Volunteer in your community. I found I was able to make a greater impact in my community by helping out at the literacy center than restricting myself to teaching college composition. I find the best volunteer work comes when you are passionately devoted to a cause, or a cause where you can offer your expertise to improve the lives of others. For example, maybe you have a medical degree, and in that case you might consider helping out at a nearby nursing home. Here are various places to volunteer: senior citizen centers or nursing homes, soup kitchens, The Red Cross, the local library, Habitat for Humanity, national parks, animal Rescue Shelters, art museums, political campaigns, YMCA (where you can Mentor a Child), and my favorite your local literacy center.

2) Dedicate yourself to a constructive cause. Consider joining a local group that stands for a cause you’re passionate about. Such groups can consist of church groups, a business mentoring group, a support group, or a political group.

3) Start a Charity or a Nonprofit Organization. For instance, I always saw the need to start a nonprofit organization that helps children and their families cope with learning disabilities. If this appeals to you refer to this article, entitled “How to Start a Charity” by Steve Odland, from Forbes magazine: http://www.forbes.com/sites/steveodland/2012/05/07/how-to-start-a-charity/

4) Pursue a passion that may inspire and help others. Don’t let anyone tell you are being self-indulgent when it comes throwing yourself into important work that requires most of your free time. We need dedicate thinkers, innovators, and professionals who believe in the power of their work to improve other’s lives.