Theory #18346 • By quazigogogo

Posted 6 years ago



65 people find it plausible

9 people find it unlikely







Dear diary,



Today was a really great day. After spending 10 hours fulfilling my duties as local sheriff, I went out and used my ultra good looks and slick game to pick up yet another hottie to bang. Needless to say, she will now worship me forever and basically be my slave until called upon to die for me.



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Today was another great day. Same old boring work, but After I went hunting and slayed 7 deer and 2 buffalo. Then I went back to the club and picked up another hottie to bang. This time I decided to stab her up and paint a giant face from her blood instead of adding her to my harem of sweet honeys.



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Today not so good. Walked outside, saw a pigeon, shat my pants, and decided to call in sick.



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Woke up, hunted, worked, banged hotties, killed carnies wifey and baby for fun, hunted some more.



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Freaking pigeons!!!



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Went to work today after about a weak of running from pigeons. Was ready to go back yesterday but caught a rerun of animaniacs and they showed the goodfeathers so I was paralyzed from the fear. Anyways, I had to take the day off from making the ladies worship me yo track down my boy Jared before he spilled the beans. Luckily he had a ho with him so I was able to get a quick piece before hacking them up. Get this, I decided to write a random line on the wall that will mislead everyone for years. HE IS MAR....not sure what it means, but that carnie will be doing back flips in his sleep.



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Decided to spend the day sharpening my hacking skills so I can mess with that dirty red head that gave me the shake a couple years ago. Dirty hobag. Tomorrow I will get back to hunting, arresting speeders, banging skanks, killing other skanks, and making sure my harem is still brainwashed into thinking I'm awesome. Of course this depends on no pigeons being out!!



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Got up early today, called in sick after seeing a turtle dove in the driveway. Not sure what I'll do today since hunting, banging, hypnotizing, killing, arresting are all off the table. I got an idea, maybe I can google bad cops. Yeah that's it, I'll find cops that have f'd up and somehow without explanation get them off then hold them hostage as my servants forever. I'll have FBI, cbi, local cops, homeland, and maybe even just one regular dude named Timothy in case I ever need a fall guy. This will be my new Sunday hobby since the rest of the week I have to be sheriff, bang chicks, kill other chicks, hack the web, and screw with the carnie.



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Convinced another honey that I look younger than I am younger than I look and have short straight hair today. Yep, she'll die for me someday. I can't quite figure out why they can't get my description right.



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Ran into the carnie again. Had a little fun with him. Of course all the fun went away when that damn bird buzzed me.



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That was a close one. What was I thinking getting the same tattoo that I forced all of my minions to get. Good thing I had that flash bomb, real bomb, and spare body handy to get out of it. Decided to save the carnie again though. Might have to kill him soon. Will have to let him know how psychic I am though.



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I'm not really sure what just happened. I think I'm dead. Not sure cuz I should have died a while ago but mustered up the ability to run a half marathon after being gut shot. Where'd it go wrong? Oh yeah, the damned pigeon!! Wait a minute.....none of this makes sense, I've been following this case for a while now, and something is off. I never went to no visualize farm. I don't have the game to pick up all them hotties. I didn't want that tattoo. I'm not psychic. I was never afraid of pigeons. I don't have the resources to blackmail hundreds of law officials. Is this a bad, poorly executed dream? Have I been played??