Welcome to the third installation of my “Top Fantasy Reads”!

I’m assuming, seen as you’re here, you’re either one of two types of people. The first, being a Wrecketeer of the Wrecketorian Kingdom! those of you that subscribe to my glorious little space on the big bad web, and have recognised my genius, my grace, my sheer fansticibles, even my skill at inventing new words! What? Fantasticables reminds you of fantastic edible testicles? Has anyone ever told you that you’re rather odd? No? they should.

Or the second… A stumbler. those of you that have come here out of curiosity, accident; or even boredom. Disgusting. But never fear! Each and every one of you have the opportunity to better yourself! To truly achieve a higher level of knowledge! How? Click the damn subscribe button. Wink.

So… To business!

This edition differs slightly to the prior two posts, for one – we will be focusing on a single author rather than multiple, and for two… the books below fall under a different type of fantasy genre, these beauties come served steaming hot with a side of horror.

Without further wafflesticles! I present one of the best – What? stop interrupting me with your crude thoughts! Wafflesticles sounds nothing like testicles on waffles… you have a strange obsession my friend.

Anyway, I present one of the best Horror/Fantasy series I have ever read, in my opinion (the only opinion that matters), one of the best in its genre; written by the Queen of the supernatural, Anne Rice.

Anne Rice: The Vampire Chronicles



This series is literally the shit. Totally mean that in the best way possible, it’s fantastic… No scrap that, its phenomenal. With zero exaggeration, Anne Rice is in a league of her own.

The Vampire Chronicles are a series you’re probably already aware of, maybe heard in passing or seen collecting dust in some random book store; maybe you’re even one of those that share in my completely correct and never wrong opinion, as you’ve already read the legendary books yourself. If this is the case, then Sir (or Madame), I salute you.

What the hell is so great about these damn books? come on, you’re totally overhyping these things.

Seriously. You blaspheme like that again and you’re out, that’s a solid strike one and two combined. In fact, go wash your whore mouth.

Did I not mention that these books are the shit? Oh I did? Glares.

So, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted, the main thing that I find so damn amazing about these books, is how Anne Rice literally takes an already established… well, fairy tale I suppose? or Legend? what would you even call it? The vampire legend? story? tale? Well, whatever it is; she redefined it.

Hah, with respect your Majesty; I think you’re thinking of Twilight.

Ex-fucking-scuse me? Twilight? the book and film that removed the “N” from “Fangs”? No cretin, I most definitely am not. Twilight ruined vampires and werewolves. Shit, what the hell is with “Skin that glitters like diamonds”. Is he a cold blooded killer or a human disco ball? And what the fuuuurrrk is the werewolves aversion to any kind of T-shirt or tops? No. Anyway, Twilight was first released in 2005 whereas the first Vampire Chronicle (Interview with a vampire) was released in 1976. on top of that, the Interview with a vampire film adaptation Didn’t suck. In other words, no; not only do the two have nothing in common, the Vampire Chronicles is about a billion times better.

Moving on.

The books in the series are listed as per below –

The Vampire Chronicles

What makes these beauties truly unusual, is how each story is told. For example, the first book’s focus is Louis de Pointe du Lac. A two hundred year old Vampire, the story centers on him as he tells his life story to a reporter referred to throughout as simply “the boy”…

The next book continues from the first, although instead of Louie, the lovable self hating monster that craves the warmth of love; the spotlight this time falls on Lestat De Lioncourt, a character you will fall in love with almost immediately. He’s crass, cruel, slightly demented, and totally awesome. Apparently, Anne Rice largely based this loveable rogue on her own husband, Stan Rice; both handsome (as she says) blondes, that share the same birthday of November the 7th.

This specific book is written in the form of Lestat’s autobiography, it tells the tale of his life from his perspective and believe me… it’s utterly fascinating. It is quite literally that well written that I genuinely found myself often questioning wether or not Anne Rice herself was in fact a fictional character and Lestat, in all his vampiric glory; had cleverly used this Authors name as a way to get his story out there. The feeling grew even stronger with the reading of the third book… The Queen of the damned.

This one continues Lestat’s tale, and delves into the origin of the Vampire race, deep into history as far back as Ancient Egypt and the birth of the Vampire Queen and her husband. Excited? or still thinking about testicles?

Anyway, throughout the journey that is the Vampire chronicles, the main character often changes book by book, each uniquely mesmerizing as you delve deeper into the story…

One of the things that Anne Rice does insanely well, is describing exactly what it is to be one of her vampires. Their feelings, their powers, even their sexuality. Without ruining the story for you, some things happen, that had the subject been human like you or I; the actions that followed would have been… Questionable if not perverted, to say the least. But no, Anne Rice brilliantly twists your thoughts with her masterful script, until you find yourself thinking the thoughts of her characters. Again, without exaggeration or lies, these books truly made me appreciate some of the things in life that before reading, I found mundane, even boring. She changes the way you think to such an extent, you see beauty in the most average of things around you even after you put the book down. You… Well you think like a vampire.

Anne Rice’s vampires are beyond description… I mean well, they’re not as they’re from a book, so really they are nothing but description, but you know what I mean. The way Anne explains how, for example Louie hears music for the first time as a newly sired vampire; the experience is beautiful… His vampiric ears hearing tones un-hearable by our own, the rhythm he feels in his skin, you crave to feel the way he feels, see the things he see’s. It’s… well, without sounding completely special, its magical.

As previously stated, Anne rice also focuses a lot on sexuality, but not in the way I’ve ever read before. The way her vampire’s minds work are so totally unlike our own, without reading the book it makes it almost impossible to describe.

In a much less descriptive and basic way, the Vampires within the pages of the Vampire chronicles almost… Lose their sexuality when they are turned. They no longer fall in love with people due to sexual desires or reasons due to vanity, no; they love the beauty in everything. The fragility of a human, their skin so soft and vulnerable, their heart so delicate as it beats it’s tiny drum-like tempo, life itself; so incredible they find it impossible to comprehend. Even in the deformed they find beauty, the curve of the angled limbs, the twisted lips that shine with spittle. It’s nothing short of amazing.

Right, well I’ve given away far too much away already… And if I’m honest, im craving another read of the books myself, as since writing this review, I’ve discovered that there was a book released last year that I have not as yet read!

Word of advice? Do as I do, go grab the buggers right now, get reading… you wont regret it.

In the next edition of “Top Fantasy Reads”, I will be reviewing a second; equally amazing book series, again by the incredible Anne Rice: The Wolf Gift Chronicles. The books that redefined werewolves, much in the same way that she did to the vampires… trust me, you don’t want to miss this one.

Unfortunately, it’s getting late and Lestat is calling my name “Matt, Read me!”. well that sounded awkwardly unpoetic, but regardless, I’m out.

Why are you still reading this? I said I’m gone… go away… do something else.

Top Fantasy Reads Part 2

Top Fantasy Reads Part I