Today's Lineups:

Home Team

Bernard Westmayne (DynamiteShovel)

Ripper the Wolf (Ripper the Wolf)

Balasar Shieldbiter (Daiko)

Xeaon Ravenwood (Xeaon)

Rook Wedlock (Crimsai)

Unavailable

Kilgan Fireheart V (Vilhjalmir) - Still the Gulag

Thoran Stonecrusher (HarryGoLucky) - Possibly dead in the Gulag

Goblin Scourge the Rabbit (Goblin Scourge the Rabbit) - DEAD!!!!

Shadious Beavertown (ShadyBeaver) - Dead Gulag.

Away Team

Dungeon Master (jptoc)

All kinds of evil tentacle shit (jptoc)

Where we left off:

Went to search Thundertree which has zombies and tentacle monsters in it. If that doesn't hook you, I've got nothing.

AAAAAAND WE'RE OFF

7 - Xeaon burns away some of the mist that has descended on Thundertree, and swears that he sees a small plant run inside one of the houses.

9 - Bernard walks over to an old cottage which is overlooked by an ancient crumbly tree. He tries to scout the house, looking for anything out of the ordinary, but doesn't.

10 - He walks into the house, and taps into his powers of the Arcana to see if there is any magical effects, but fails to sense anything.

11 - Xeaon looks around, but nothing stands out.

12 - Another search, another ruined building. This is beginning to sound familiar.

13 - Bernard pokes around the house. Xeaon looks around for the moving plant that he saw earlier.

"At least we'll be able to see everyone and won't get ambushed"

14 - The Party enter the house and almost immediately they get ambushed. Sentient sticks. Xeaon rubs his hands with glee. Burn! Burn! BURN!

17 - Stick 1 attack Bernard. Stick 2 attacks Xeaon. Stick 3 attacks Balasar. All of the Sticks fail miserably.

18 - Bernard is the first to retaliate, immediately firing off Guidance which will enhance Xeaon's fireballing ability.

19 - Ripper follows suit, chomping away at Stick 5, who snaps in half. Good boy.

20 - Xeaon doesn't give a fuck about the Party being inside a wooden house. He throws a fireball at Stick 1. He hits the back wall of the cottage and now there's a tree on fire. Of course there's a fucking tree on fire.

22 - Stick 4 dives on Ripper, avenging his broken friend. Claws gouge into Ripper's flesh.

23 - 1, 2 and 3 dive down on the big three. First two just fail, but the third manages to claw at Balasar's eyes.

24 - Balasar draws his Great-Axe and swings at Stick 3, but misses, his eye seeming to cause problems.

25 - Droop comes in and brings his morningstar down at one of the Sticks. Or he would if he could lift the bloody thing.

26 - Shovel grabs the pommel of his Sword of Talon, aiming to cause terror in the heart of Stick 1. He unsheathes it successfully and brings it down on Stick 1 who becomes kindling. FIRE FOOD.

27 - Ripper clamps down on Stick 4 and breaks it in half. Fuck you, Sticks.

28 - Xeaon's throwing another fucking fireball. Hits this time though. Stick 2 we hardly knew ye.

29 - Sticks are attacking again! Three more are moving around outside, but they're scared of the gradually building inferno.

30 - Stick 3 dives back at Balasar's eyes, raking at it again.

31 - The new three are diving in, dealing severe damage to Xeaon.

32 - Droop charges in, swinging his morningstar, but he fails. Again.

33 - Balasar just crushes Stick 3 with his Great-Axe.

34 - Bernard unleashes a blast of healing energy towards Xeaon.

35 - Ripper fucking hates sticks. New Stick 1 is crushed.

35 - Xeaon targets New Stick 2 and destroys it as the fire builds up around the building.

36 - New Stick 3 panics and runs off as the fire continues to burn. He's fucking gone.

37 - Bernard and Balasar run out of the cottage as Xeaon admires his handiwork. Fire's spreading to another cottage.

38 - The Party make their way South to another building, which is in much better condition. Windows are all boarded up and there's a door AND as Xeaon pointed out, it's not on fire. Yet.

40 - Party knock on the door and are answered by an old crotchety man with a long white beard. He knows of Bernard's 'exploits' like the time 'he' 'killed' the Owlbear. (What I'm trying to say is Bernard is a fucking liar and I hope he gets splinters)

41 - Old man doesn't mind Balasar or Droop and he even likes Ripper. What a great guy. Has water, doesn't have enough to stop the fire.

43 - Ridoff the Druid doesn't want us to steal his shit. He's here to take back the town and maintain natural order and cleanse the world. He's pro fire cleansing. Xeaon approves.

44 - The Mine's opening started all kind of shit.

45 - Xeaon wants to discuss beard braiding. Ridoff wants to ask for help. Bernard's not fucking happy about this.

46 - Cultists in town that need to be dealt with. Bernard wants things in return. Ridoff will help get to the mines. Bernard kinda wants more.

48 - Droop gets food for killing some Zombies. Or cocaine depending on which of the DM's lines you prefer.

49 - Blask Masked people are worshipping a Dragon up North. Balasar refuses to accept the existence of this Dragon but is happy to eradicate any overgrown lizards.

50 - Off to find the Cultists. If they aren't there, we'll burn his fucking beard.

52 - Ridoff runs off, so the Party investigate his house. Xeaon steals some herbs.

53 - The Party carry on, looking down South. There's another broken down cottage.

56 - Bernard opens the door and is ambushed by a group of Stick people attack. 8 of the little bastards with their pokey little bastard fingers.

58 - Stick 1 & 2 attack Bernard. Balasar comes charging in, scimitars drawn. He aims too high. Womp womp.

60 - Xeaon's up. He casts Thunder Wave instead of burning shit, and excludes both Balasar and Bernard. 3 of the 8 manage to avoid getting smashed full force. Doesn't matter though. All of them die.

The room's shaking alerts someone nearby, and they start calling for help. Eventually.

63 - The Party close in on the voice that called out, and find a ton of webs enclosing a building. From within there's some more muffled yelling.

65 - There's even more webbing at the other side, and to enter the building you'd have to walk over it. Balasar steps forward to hack at the web, but there's Spiders about.

67 - They come scuttling out, the little shits. Balasar's not fucking caring though. He swings his great-axe but misses.

68 - Droop hides. Spider comes-a scuttling and bites at the Dragonborn, but doesn't manage to break through his armour.

69 - Xeaon casts Grease on the Spider.

70 - Bernard fires a bolt, but as his arms are shaking in fear, he misses by a mile.

72 - Ripper's straight in there and bites the spider by Balasar, tearing at a leg. He gets stuck in the webbing along with Balasar though.

74 - Balasar rips himself out of the web and brings his great-axe down on the back of his Spiderfriend.

76 - Spider tries to fire back, but can't do shit because of the armour.

77 - Xeaon finds the smallest of spaces and fires off another fireball at the Spider. Grease is about to catch fire. Bernard has to make this shot. Nope, never mind. He's running in to grapple the fucking thing.

79 - He slips and slides over the grease and is now stuck in the web. HE JUST HAD TO FUCKING SHOOT IT AND HE FUCKED IT UP! HE BROUGHT HIMSELF FROM SAFETY INTO THE GREASE!

82 - RIPPER GETS OUT AND RUNS AWAY INSTEAD OF DOING SOMETHING! FUCK SAKE, LASSIE, GET HELP!

83 - MAN INSIDE CAN MAKE RAIN, BUT HE'S FUCKING TRAPPED.

84 - Balasar picks the burning spider up and walks off to safety away from the grease. Spider tries to bite in return. Can't make it through the armour though.

86 - Xeaon throws a fireball at Balasar and the spider, but misses, hitting another tree.

87 - Bernard tries to escape the webbing, but doesn't manage anything. He fires his crossbow, but only manages to hit Balasar.

89 - Ripper runs in and finishes off the Spider with a bite. Spider's dies in Balasar's arms.

90 - Balasar rips the bolt out of himself and the Party move over the web bridge as Bernard traps himself even more in his struggles.

91 - Xeaon pokes Bernard with a staff, and the bard responds by ripping himself out, avoiding the mini spiders which are swarming.

92 - They make their way into the building and spot two cocoons. One is struggling, one is not. Bernard approaches, dagger gleaming in the light. He slits into the squirming cocoon and spots an Orcish looking face glancing back.

96 - Bernard introduces himself as the Orc panics, pointing out a spider. Bernard's not fucking having it though, and he continues introductions. The Spider drops down and lands on Bernard's back, attacking.

97 - Bernard tanks the bite. He then screams and tries to draw his dagger. Dagger is drawn and it's driven into the spider, which tanks the damage. It then scuttles up the wall and fires webbing at Xeaon. Misses though. Stupid spiderses.

98 - Xeaon realises that they're in a wooden building, so he fires off a Fireball. Manages to hit the Spider, causing it to fall down onto the ground.

99 - The Orc is still trapped inside the cocoon, but he doesn't let that stop him, as he fires off 'Aid', increasing his Party's health points. All the while questioning why notable Owlbear slayer Bernard Westmayne screamed at a spider.

102 - Droop dives in at the Spider, Morningstar raised. He brings it down, but doesn't do as much damage as hoped.

103 - Balasar comes steaming in, great-axe swinging, but he misses poorly.

104 - Bernard stays down and casts Cure Wounds on himself. Ripper chomps at the spider, dealing big damage.

105 - It scuttles up the wall again, firing another web at Xeaon. Misses again. Stupid spiderses.

106 - Fireball somehow makes it through a tiny gap in the ceiling and escapes. We're safe!

107 - Droop leaves.

108 - The Cocooned Half-Orc fires a spell at the Spider, hoping to cause shenanigans. Shenanigans don't happen.

109 - Balasar unleashes lightning from his maw, striking the spider dead on. It falls, dead. Fuck you, Spider.

112 - Balasar cuts free a second person, but the elf is already drained.

113 - Bernard continues introductions as he cuts free the half-orc.

114 - Half-Orc's time for introductions. Rook Wedlock, female Half-Orc extraordinaire. She'd been kidnapped.

117 - Rook wants revenge. Party also want revenge. WITH THESE POWERS COMBINED, we'll still fucking die to Xeaon's pyromania.

118 - The Party head back to the Druid's place and rest. There's a broth brewing. Fucking go time.

119 - Rook's a Cleric. Been travelling. Bernard continues being a dick. Generally worships a god. Something like that.

120 - Rook picks up a jar and talks about how it heals wounds, but it's a jar of poison ivy. This is our healer. We're doomed.

122 - Xeaon has Dock Leaves, fragrant leaves, Aloe Vera, spicy shit. Xeaon can make a healing potion with them.

125 - He makes one that is just a honey flavoured drink and the other than is great at healing.

126 - New day. Shit is burnt down. Time to move to the tower where the Not-Dragon is. The party walk past several burnt out husks of Spiders. There's towers and cottages ahead and an acrid smell in the air. It's quiet.

128 - Bernard looks around, trying to see if there's any spiders/sticks around. Just more half burnt, half eaten shit. He walks up to the cottage door.

129 - The Party walk in the door and find a room covered in more spider webs.

131 - Bernard tries to push Balasar in first, but the Dragonborn ignores him. Bernard tiptoes forward, inspiring everyone with his boldness.

132 - The Party walk into the tower. It's time to fight.

134 - 40 foot tower. Staircase outside. There's beams crisscrossing towards the opposite wall. Oh, and there's a fucking dragon. Balasar begins to talk about Salamanders, which is definitely what they're facing.

135 - Rook fires off a Guiding Bolt, but it bounces off the Salamander/Dragon's scales.

138 - Xeaon tries to shrink the Salagon. He doesn't shrink the Dralamander.

139 - Droop faints. Dragon's up. It swipes at Balasar twice, bouncing off his armour once and brutally rips into him with the second. Balasar runs off, picking up Droop as he goes.

142 - Bernard tries to talk to the big old fucking Dragon. It responds. Starts shit talking Balasar. It demands that they help spread its fear and terror. Bernard introduces himself to 'Venomfang the Mighty'.

145 - The party discuss temporarily agreeing to Venomfang's terms. Venomfang wants the druid. Dead or Alive.

That Dragon is a dick.

147 - Bernard saves the day. Also got them in that trouble in the first place.

150 - Don't trust Salamanders. The Party outvote Bernard and decide to tell Ridoff the Druid about Venomfang and then head on out to slaughter some Cultists.