This Sunday, July 1st, roadside drug testing for cocaine begins in Sydney; a move introduced by NSW Police. Police have already been conducting roadside tests for cannabis, MDMA and amphetamines.

The legislation is part of the NSW Government’s Road Safety Plan 2021, which was announced by premier Gladys Berejiklian last year, after she took over from professional wowser and most-hated-man-in-Sydney Mike-Boourns-Baird.

Of course, the most heavily-impacted area of Australia will be Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs: specifically those in Bondi Beach. A study released at the beginning of this month by the Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research revealed usage of the Class A drug has risen 45.9% across NSW. 95.2% of these reported stats came from Waverley Council (that’s Bondi, babes!)

Bondi is a hedonist’s paradise – the land of golden sands, beautiful bodies, smoothies, wealth, sunshine and class A drugs. As Brigid Delaney wrote in The Guardian, it’s yoga in morning, coke in the evening.

In the ancient Greek legend of Dionysus, worshippers spent their days fasting, detoxing and organ draining, and their evenings binge drinking and rolling their eyes back in wild, drug addled reverie. Tell me this isn’t reminiscent of a weird night in a Bondi share house, getting weird with guys in ironic basketball jerseys and girls with balayage and GHD curls. When it hits 4.00 AM, everyone is in expensive ugg boots.

*Sniff* have a good weekend motherfuckers!