There's a new Harry Potter chapter that was written using a predictive keyboard trained on the Harry Potter series. Let's just say we're glad it's not canon.

The team over at Botnik Studios, a community of creatives concocting weird project including the Predictive Writer, gave the world access to a predictive keyboard trained on all seven Harry Potter books. Botnik used those algorithmically constructed sentences to write a new chapter in the Harry Potter saga, and the results, including the name of the new book, are equally insane and hilarious.

We used predictive keyboards trained on all seven books to ghostwrite this spellbinding new Harry Potter chapter https://t.co/UaC6rMlqTy pic.twitter.com/VyxZwMYVVy — Botnik Studios (@botnikstudios) December 12, 2017

Within roughly three full pages of the new book titled Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, Ron begins eating Hermione's family, two Death Eaters kiss, Harry blinds himself, Hermione sticks a Death Eater's face in mud, and Harry falls down a staircase for several months.

Here are some highlights of the chapter, dubbed "The Handsome One":

"Magic: it was something that Harry Potter thought was very good."

"Ron was going to be spiders. He just was."

"The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog. Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head: 'You are Hagrid now.'"

"Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione's family."

"Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment."

"The tall Death Eater was wearing a shirt that said 'Hermione Has Forgotten How To Dance,' so Hermione dipped his face in mud."

"Ron's shirt was just as bad as Ron himself."

"Harry looked around and then fell down the spiral staircase for the rest of the summer."

And then there's this whole exchange:

"Harry, Ron, and Hermione quietly stood behind a circle of Death eaters who looked bad.

'I think it's okay if you like me,' said one Death Eater.

'Thank you very much,' replied the other. The first Death Eater confidently leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek.

'Oh! Well done!' said the second as his friend stepped back again. All the other Death Eaters clapped politely. Then they all took a few minutes to go over the plan to get rid of Harry's magic."

The chapter is wild, and it's all thanks to the Botnik Studios Predictive Writer project.

The Predictive Writer takes chunks of text and examines it to find patterns in sentences, and then produces suggestions for how a sentence should continue based on what words came before it, similar to how some smartphone keyboards make suggestions based on what you type, Botnik CEO and co-founder Jamie Brew said.

"The idea of Botnik is that humans and machines working together can come up with things that neither would be able to on their own," Brew said.

For the Harry Potter project, specifically, dozens of people were able to use the predictive keyboard (which you can use too, for both narration and dialogue) and submit their creations to Botnik. Some of the best sentences were chosen by an editor and compiled into the physical chapter.

Botnik has done similar things with other popular series, including writing episodes of the shows Scrubs, X-Files, and Seinfeld. The website has a whole bunch of different predictive keyboards for those shows, different bands and musical artists, video game titles, and more.