Oh, Amber Rudd, how could you? A paragon of Tory moderation, a solid bulwark against the rampaging Tory right, a torchbearer for Remainia and one nation Toryism – and one of our saviours against the self-inflicted disaster of no deal, now a champion of a hard Brexit. Surely these are malicious rumours: just weeks ago you were described as the “cabinet’s leading pro-European” and were apparently leading the battle against a drunk and disorderly exit from the EU.

Sure, you’ve always had your foibles – consistently voting for all Brexit legislation, slashing and decimating public services and the welfare state, deporting refugees – but let he who has not stripped disabled people of benefits cast the first stone.

Rudd is perhaps the perfect embodiment of the myth of the decent, moderate, compassionate Tory. Being a Conservative is to live on easy street – having most of the press as your cheerleaders makes for fewer grey hairs – but if you consistently vote for every poor-bashing, migrant-deporting, rich-benefiting Tory policy while not coming across like somebody who pulls wings off flies for thrills, you’re guaranteed an audience of liberal cheerleaders, too. These same liberals – and to avoid offence, I should clarify not all liberals – will savage Labour for failing to oppose the Tories (while consistently voting against the government’s policies, including on Theresa May’s Brexit deal), but glorify certain Tory politicians and airbrush their political record. David Cameron was a real pioneer here, of course: ponce about the Arctic with some huskies and talk about hugging hoodies, get some liberal brownie points, then plunge Britain into its worst turmoil since the war.

Rudd was once charged with finding extras for Four Weddings and a Funeral – she was the aristocracy co-ordinator, but of course – and this is apt, because political analysis often comes across as if it’s written by people who watch too many Richard Curtis films. Appear to be a pleasant, good-humoured, slightly bumbling posh person and you can more or less get away with anything. Rory Stewart developed this into an artform during his “maverick” Tory leadership campaign: quietly backing Brexit, yet finding himself cheered on by the same people quick to chastise Jeremy Corbyn for being the ultimate Brexiteer. Ken Clarke proved that you can literally be the most high-profile tobacco lobbyist in Britain and still be glorified as the conscience of liberal England.

So, preferably before Rudd and her colleagues throw the country off a cliff, can we please bury the myth of the moderate Tory? Let’s just admit it means “supporting the redistribution of wealth and power to the rich, but not minding the gays”. Britain is a country synonymous with national upheaval not just because of Cameron and May: this was a real team effort on the part of the Tories.

Stare someone in the eyes who was forced to pay the bedroom tax because their daughter died – “I’m sorry, but that’s actually a spare room now” – and then extol the virtues of these compassionate, liberal Tories who voted for the policy. To paraphrase Regina George, stop trying to make moderate Tories happen.

• Owen Jones is a Guardian columnist