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CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.



CCG: THIS IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY TO START A NEW MEMO.

CCG: IN FACT IT'S A BETTER TIME THAN ANY BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF CHAT CLIENT PREDESTINATION I DON'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE DO I.

CCG: FUCK.

CCG: IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT'S STILL A GOOD TIME TO DO IT.

CCG: PEOPLE, WE NEED TO GET ORGANIZED HERE.

CCG: SHIT IS GETTING SERIOUS.

CCG: WE ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON OPERATION REGISURP, A CUNNING PLAN DEVISED BY DOUBLE ARCHAGENT JACK NOIR TO EXILE THE BLACK QUEEN.

CCG: WE WILL NEED ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THIS, EVEN THE IDIOTS.

CCG: AND ONCE AGAIN, A REMINDER

CCG: DO NOT TROLL ME IN THESE MEMOS FROM ANY POINT IN TIME OR IT'S AN INSTA-BAN.

CCG: ALSO A NOTE TO MY FUTURE SELF

CCG: IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING SMUG, DO ME A FAVOR AND SHOVE A THROB STALK IN IT.

CCG: JUST SIT THERE PATIENTLY AND WAIT FOR ME TO BECOME YOU IN THE DUE COURSE OF TIME, THUS IMPROVING YOUR INTELLECT DRASTICALLY.

CCG: OR, INTELLECTS PLURAL.

CCG: I FORGOT, THERE ARE A LOT OF YOU FUCKERS OUT THERE.

CCG: ALL OF YOU, JUST ZIP YOUR CHUTES. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, LIKE THERE'S NOTHING BETTER TO DO IN THE FUTURE???

CCG: IT'S THE FUTURE FOR GOD'S SAKE, A REALM OF ENDLESS FUCKING POSSIBILITIES.

CCG: NOW

CCG: BEFORE WE GET STARTED, LET'S TAKE A TOLL OF THE SITUATION AT THIS POINT IN TIME.

CCG: *MY* POINT IN TIME.

CCG: WHO'S IN SO FAR, WHO'S NOT, ETCETERA.

FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 3:11 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FCA: hey sorry for bustin in on the memo but i cant get ahold of you youre not answwerin

CCG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

FCA: gams advvice is fuckin useless all he told me wwas to enjoy a bevverage

CCG: NO, DUDE, DON'T DRINK THAT SHIT. IF IT WERE UP TO HIM WE WOULD ALL DRINK FAYGO AT ONCE IN SOME RITUALISTIC RAP CLOWN SUICIDE PACT.

CCG: BUT INSTEAD OF COMMITTING SUICIDE THE THING THAT WE ALL ACCOMPLISH IS BECOMING INSTANTANEOUS ASSHOLES WITH AWFUL TASTE.

FCA: i mean

FCA: its not evven that bad

FCA: its just soda but wwhatevver this isnt the point

CCG: THIS ISN'T THE VENUE FOR AIRING YOUR FUTURE PROBLEMS, COUNT SEA DIPSHIT.

FCA: i knoww i knoww

FCA: its just

FCA: i got a problem

FCA: wwith feferi

FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin

CCG: OK, WELL

CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO

CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU.

CCG banned FCA from responding to memo.

CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN?

CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.

CCG: OK.

CCG: IS EVERYBODY GOOD?

CCG: JUST GONNA SIT HERE FOR A MINUTE, LOCAL TIME, AND SEE IF ANYONE ELSE HAS ANY SHIT THEY WANT TO SCRAPE OFF THEIR BULGE ON TO MY CLEAN NUTRITION PLATEAU.

CCG: NOBODY?

CCG: GREAT, WONDERFUL.

CCG: I NOW OFFICIALLY DECLARE THE NONSENSE PORTION OF THIS MEMO TO BE OVER.

CCG: THIS DECREE SHALL BE BINDING AND LASTING.

CCG: BACK TO PLANNING REGISURP.

CCG: BEAR DOWN EVERYBODY, THIS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT, THERE IS A QUEEN ON THE LOOSE AND WE'VE GOT TO SHOW A BITCH THE DOOR.

FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FAG: ::::D

CCG: UN BE FUCKING LIEVABLE.

FAG: Kaaaaaaaarkat!

FAG: I'm sorry!

FAG: 8ut do you have any idea how funny this thing is? I mean this whole thing???????? I can't stop laughing!

CCG: HEY CAN FUTURE YOU MIND-PREVENT ME FROM HITTING THE BAN BUTTON?

CCG: I'M GENUINELY CURIOUS! GO AHEAD, TRY TO STOP ME I DARE YOU.

FAG: I'm not going to try, I'm just here to say this whole thing is ridiculous.

FAG: We didn't really need you to pretend to 8e a little angry general to get any of this done.

FAG: We kicked the queen out of there no sweat! It was easy. In fact, I did most of the work myself, right 8efore I found all the treasure and scaled all the rungs.

CCG: OH, ALL OF THEM YOU SAY?

CCG: FASCINATING.

CCG: HEY FORGET THE BAN BUTTON, USE YOUR MIND POWERS TO HELP ME LOCATE THE DESPERATELY ATTEMPT TO GIVE A SHIT BUTTON. WHOOPS WE BOTH FAILED, IT DOESN'T EXIST.

FAG: Hey, I'm gone. I just think you should relax.

FAG: You were wound up so tight through the whole adventure, and now here in the present you're a8out to explode. It's insuffera8le!

CCG: EVERYBODY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?? SUPERFUTURE VRISKA HAS AN IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON FOR US ALL.

CCG: WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT OUR PRESENT RESPONSIBILIES AND OBLIGATIONS!

CCG: BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT, IN THE FUTURE ALL THAT STUFF ALREADY HAPPENED. WE'RE OFF THE FUCKING HOOK!

CCG: TIME TO RELAX. LET'S ALL CRAWL INTO OUR COCOONS AND GET BUSY STIMULATING OUR AUTOEROGENOUS SHAME GLOBES.

CCG: FIRST ONE TO START A WANK FIRE GETS A SHINY BOONDOLLAR.

CCG: THIS IS AN ORDER FROM YOUR LEADER.

FAG: Hahahahahahahaha.

CCG banned FAG from responding to memo.

CCG: LATER, FAG.

CCG: TOO BAD THE ACRONYM WASN'T "HAG" INSTEAD, IT WOULD HAVE SUITED YOU MUCH BETTER.

CCG: INSTEAD OF THAT NONSENSE WORD

CCG: MAYBE ITS ASSOCIATION WITH YOU WILL COLLOQUIALLY CAUSE IT TO TAKE ON A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

CCG: MAYBE FAG WILL BE "THE NEW BURN!" EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY MEANS NOTHING IN OUR LANGUAGE.

CCG: I DON'T KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, FORGET IT

CCG: OK I'M RAMBLING HERE, I'M AWARE OF THAT.

CCG: FUTURE ME, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE WEIGH IN ON THIS, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

CCG: IF I WERE FUTURE ME, WHICH I GUESS I AM, I WOULD READ THIS AND BE ALL OVER IT, LIKE DAMMIT KARKAT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.

CCG: GET TO THE POINT.

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FCG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH.

CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.

CCG: SO I'M SAYING IT TO MYSELF ALREADY HERE AND NOW, SO I WON'T HAVE TO LATER, GOT IT YOU TRENCHANT BACKBITING PRICKS?????

CCG: DAMN, I'M LOSING MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

CCG: MAYBE I'LL PICK IT UP AGAIN IN A FRESH MEMO LATER.

CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S RIGHT THOUGH, BECAUSE I VAGUELY REMEMBER THIS ONE BEING LONGER THAN THIS.

PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 0:38 HOURS AGO responded to memo.

PAT: hEYY,

CCG: OH SON OF A BITCH.

PAT: i THOUGHT,

PAT: sINCE IT LOOKS LIKE, yOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE OUT OF IMPORTANT MEMO STUFF TO SAY,

PAT: uHH,

PAT: mAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME, hERE,

PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME,

PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL,

PAT: lIKE,

PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT,

CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES.

CCG: ALL OF YOU.

CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.

PAT: sORRY,

CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY.

CCG: JUST

CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.

PAT: oKAY,

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW,

PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK,

PAT: lYING DOWN,

PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK,

CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY???

CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

PAT: uH, yEAH, aNYWAY,

PAT: sHE TRIED TO KISS ME,

PAT: wELL, sHE DIDN'T TRY, sHE ACTUALLY DID,

PAT: aND THEN, kIND OF DROPPED ME,

PAT: aND ALSO WE ARE WEARING COSTUMES,

PAT: wOW, i'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL,

CCG: THIS IS SO FUCKED UP, WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO.

PAT: aND NOW, tO MAKE IT,

PAT: uHHHHH,

PAT: a LOT WEIRDER,

PAT: tHERE IS AN ANGRY VOICE IN MY HEAD,

PAT: i DONT THINK IT'S rUFIO THIS TIME,

PAT: rUFIO'S NOT THAT ANGRY,

PAT: hE'S ALSO IMAGINARY,

PAT: lIKE, a FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,

PAT: yOU KNOW, lIKE,

PAT: tHE WAY FAIRIES ARE, }:(

CCG: GOD, ACTUALLY I REMEMBER READING THIS BULLSHIT.

CCG: OR SKIMMING IT AT LEAST.

CCG: HOW COULD I FORGET???

CCG: MORE LOONEYBLOCK THEATER, AND HERE I AM DRAWING THE CURTAINS FOR YOU GUYS LIKE A DOPE.

PAT: aNYWAY, i THINK VRISKA IS UPSET ABOUT IT, aND SHE'S NOT TALKING OR ANYTHING,

PAT: wHAT DO i DO,

CCG: OK WELL, I CAN ADVISE YOU AND STUFF

CCG: BUT YOU DO REALIZE THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN.

CCG: WE SHOULD BE HAVING THIS CHAT IN PRIVATE.

CCG: EVERYONE CAN READ THIS, EVEN HER.

CCG: I MEAN FUCK, SHE WAS *JUST HERE* TALKING YOU DUMMY!

PAT: i KNOW, i READ THAT,

PAT: bUT,

PAT: tHAT'S FUTURE HER, wHICH,

PAT: dOESN'T SEEM SO BAD,

PAT: mAYBE FUTURE HER CAN READ THIS, aND,

PAT: i GUESS,

PAT: kNOW i'M SORRY ABOUT IT,

PAT: i DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT HER FEELINGS,

CCG: WELL, FINE, IF YOU WANT TO BROADCAST A TRANSTIMELINE APOLOGY THEN FINE.

CCG: BUT YOU SHOULD REALIZE THE FUTURE IS KIND OF A WIDE OPEN THING, I MEAN SHE COULD READ THIS LIKE TWO MINUTES IN THE FUTURE AS WELL AS 600 HOURS.

CCG: AT THAT POINT YOU WOULD ESSENTIALLY BE TALKING TO PRESENT HER, COMPLETELY DEFEATING THE PURPOSE OF YOUR SPINELESS MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE APOLOGY.

PAT: oH,

PAT: yEAH,

PAT: i DIDN'T, rEALLY THINK OF THAT,

PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 0:08 HOURS AGO responded to memo.

PAG: Hi.

CCG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

PAG: Karkat, shut up! This does not concern you.

CCG: OK WHATEVER. MY MEMO, BUT WHATEVER.

PAT: uH, wOW,

PAT: hI,

PAG: Tavros, it's ok. Really.

PAG: So you don't feel that way a8out me! That's fine. I shouldn't have expected any different.

PAG: I can deal with it! I am not a wimp like you. I roll with 8ad 8r8ks all the time. No 8iggie.

PAG: In fact, I already have dealt with it. I was over here dealing with it while you were over there on the floor fooling around with your computer after a cute girl tried to kiss you for some reason.

PAG: As it turned out, fooling around with your computer to........

PAG: Go cry on future Karkat's shoulder a8out this????????

PAT: uM,

PAT: yEAH,

PAG: Hahahaha. You are a str8nge and funny 8oy, Tavros.

CCG: OH GOD

CCG: THIS IS

CCG: COMPLETELY HILARIOUS.

CCG: NOW I SEE WHY EVERYONE HAS BEEN RIPPING ON MY MEMOS.

PAG: Karkat I said shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!

PAG: Anyway, though totally unnecessary, your apology is accepted.

PAT: oKAY,

PAG: Now pick yourself up off the floor so we can go wring some fucking treasure out of this misera8le magic rock!

PAT: yEAH, i'LL TRY,

PAG: Actually, never mind, I'll 8e over there to help you with that too, kind of like I do with everything.

PAG: Just lie still and try not to start crying or anything, and w8 a few minutes for your timeframe to catch up with mine.

PAT: uH,

PAT: wHAT,

PAG: Exactly! I aaaaaaaam smarter than you. You see? You're learning!

CCG: FUCK, ENOUGH ALREADY.

CCG: THERE, GREAT, ANOTHER HAPPY COUPLE

CCG: IN WHATEVER HIDEOUS QUADRANT THIS BATSHIT PAIRING WILL SUSTAIN.

CCG: NOW OFF YOU GO.

CCG banned PAT from responding to memo.

CCG banned PAG from responding to memo.

CCG: HOLY HELL.

CCG: THIS IS EXHAUSTING.

CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE.

CCG: OK, MAYBE I'LL TAKE A MINUTE TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND GET BACK ON TOPIC HERE.

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FCG: NO YOU WON'T.

FCG: THIS ONE WAS PARTICULARLY NAUSEATING IN RETROSPECT, I'M SHUTTING THIS DOWN.

FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.



FCG closed memo.



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