“You’re actually the stupidest person” “Oh my god Tina, why can’t you do things right the first time” “Just get through this and everything will be ok”

These were some of the few phrases that the voices shouted at me on a daily basis. It all started when I moved to Alberta from Ontario. I was so excited to start a fresh new chapter in my life. After going through a terrible break up, I felt like Edmonton would help me to get back on track with my life and unfortunately I was wrong. In May 2012, I had finally mustered up enough courage to finally break up with my boyfriend of over three years. I found out during the summer of 2011 that he had been cheating on me for over 2.5 years. I did not catch him cheating with a woman in his home, no; I honestly think that might have been easier for me to comprehend. I found out via text message from my “Guardian Angel”. I kid you not, I received a text sent from an online text messaging service that read: “ This is your guardian angel, HE has been cheating on you for over 2.5 years, the b**** name is XXXX phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX”. That was it; I never received another text message from this person ever again.

My heart started to race, my palms were sweaty, and my head started to throb. What? What is this? Is this real? I then laughed, as I sat at my desk trying to get some paper-work done for my summer job at York but I couldn’t focus. I immediately called my friend Jas who told me to meet her in the Student Centre so we could talk. As I rushed there, so many thoughts ran through my mind- Is this a fucking joke? Someone is playing a huge prank on me right now right? RIGHT? RIGHT?! My hands were shaking while I kept re-reading the text message, hoping I would receive another one with some more information. I couldn’t text the number back because all that was shown was 99999. On my way to the Student Centre, I decided to call The Ex . This is exactly how the phone conversation went:

The Ex: Hey Babe Me: Hi The Ex: What’s up? Me: Uh.. I just got this super weird text from this 9999 number? The Ex: Oh what did it say? Me: It said this is your guardian angel, ____has been cheating on you for over 2.5 years, the b**** name is XXXX phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX The Ex: Oh that text, my friend got that same text today Me: Oh, did he? The Ex: Yeah, it’s just a prank ignore it Me: Oh, so you don’t know someone named XXXX? The Ex: Nope, babe just ignore it Me: You sure? You promise you would never cheat on me? The Ex: Of course, I love you, I swear on my moms grave I would never cheat on you Me: So I shouldn’t call her? The Ex: Just forget about it Tina! I gotta go, I’ll see you later tonight Me: Ok The Ex: Love you bye! Me: Bye!

I felt a bit of relief, surely The Ex was telling me the truth, I mean, I trusted him with my whole heart, why would he lie to me. RIGHT? WRONG! Fast-forward into the evening, The Ex came over and basically denied the entire thing. XXXX had sent me e-mails that The Ex had written her, showed me pictures of her and him together, which he said was photoshopped. And even though I had all this proof thrown at me, he still told me it was all a lie. For me, the most difficult part about learning that he had cheated on me was learning that the girl he had cheated with was transgendered. Instead of actually processing anything that was happening, I pushed everything into my subconscious. I decided it might be best to see the on-campus counselor to try and understand what was going on, I kept questioning myself trying to figure out who I was actually in a relationship with. XXXX was actually pre-op and this itself made me even more confused. I had learned in University that sexuality was fluid and is constantly changing but I just did not understand at that time what was going on.

I eventually took my ex back which was a big mistake. I pretended like nothing happened and tried to start fresh, which did not work in my favour. I became very paranoid, wanting to know where he was at all times, who he was with who was he calling. I then decided that it was all too much for me and decided it was time to finally break up with him for good. I moved to Edmonton in June 2012, before finishing my Human rights and Equity Studies degree. Instead of going back to York University to complete my last two classes, I decided that I’d rather move to Edmonton and see if I could get an early start into the career world. My older sister had let me know that there were lots of opportunities in Alberta. I convinced my parents that Edmonton would be a great place for me.

A few weeks before I started my amazing new job at a college, weird things were happening to me. I had a few hallucinations and heard a sentence from a voice. One night I was watching True Blood, I can’t fully recall the episode, but all I remember is that someone had signed a contract with the devil. Earlier in the year,I asked The Ex to lend me some money and ultimately, I made a deal with the devil. He insisted that we draft a contract stating that I would pay him the full amount by September 2012. I didn’t think much of it, as I knew that I would pay him back. But as soon as he had heard that I moved to Edmonton, he sent me a threatening email telling me that I couldn’t run away from him and that if I didn’t pay him he would take me to small claims court. I told him that it was only June and that I just moved and would pay him the remainder in September like the contract had stated. While watching that True Blood episode, I kept hearing a buzzing sound on the TV. I kept walking away from the TV, but I would hear a loud buzzing that would draw me back to the television. When I was near it, the sound would stop -when I walked away the sound would begin again. I didn’t understand what was going on and the episode kept reminding me of the contract that I had signed with my ex. I knew the date was quickly approaching and I had no money to pay him. I was very stressed about this and tried to forget about it, but I couldn’t.

A few days later, I saw an image of a man sketched into the bathroom mirror. This was not a simple sketch; this was a fully detailed drawing of a man. I found this to be very strange and still to this day, I can recall the image of the man in detail. Another few days passed, I was taking the garbage outside, and I thought I had heard a noise; I looked back and saw an image of my ex on the glass door. I immediately screamed and ran back inside. I didn’t understand what was going on, I was very scared and decided it would be best for me to go straight to bed. While grabbing my pajamas out of the closet, I hallucinated again, I saw a 3D image of what I thought at the time was the devil. I kept staring and then I decided to just change and go to bed. Before falling asleep, I heard the first voice say to me, “I love you”. I had only been at my new job for a mere two weeks before the voices became full blown and I went into psychosis. I will never forget the day the voices started to bombard me. I was working on a spreadsheet and I heard a voice say to me “The Ex is the devil, this is a test”… -To Be Continued

Peace, love, happiness -Augustina

Email: afuaonlove@gmail.com