A few things have become very clear about Donald Trump’s White House. One, for an administration that claims to hate the press, they all sure do talk to them a whole bunch. And two, Donald Trump is an idiot who allows countless aides and staffers to manipulate his already-bad instincts to serve their own often-evil ends. So we figured we should start keeping track of all of them for one simple goal: to figure out who is actually in charge, since it seems to change every week. Without further ado, we present the latest edition of GQ’s Shadow President Rankings.

No. 1

Steve Bannon

Last week: 1

Not even an eyebrow-raising kerfuffle with his former employer was enough to knock the Trump administration’s original shadow president from his top spot. Bannon was relatively quiet this week, but still made headlines thanks to the discovery of a 2013 interview in which he asserted that Joseph McCarthy, the disgraced senator whose conspiracy theory-driven investigations sparked a needless wave of anti-Communist hysteria in the 1950s, had it right all along! Steve Bannon is the type of guy who quietly roots for asteroid every time Armageddon is on basic cable.

It’s worth noting that Bannon tried (and failed) to make it in Hollywood as a writer and co-authored a rap-musical version of [Shakespeare’s Coriolanus] (https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/17/opinion/sunday/steve-bannon-hip-hop-shakespeare-rewrite-coriolanus.html). So maybe when he reads about McCarthy and the successful screenwriters who appeared on his blacklist, he’s just speaking out of his blind, jealous rage. Who knows. Anyway, he runs our country. Maybe Breitbart, too.

No. 2

Vladimir Putin

Last week: 2

“Who, me? Nothing to see here, folks. Don’t be ridiculous.” [Pours you a stiff drink; removes his shirt, for some reason; briefly steps out of the room to order the assassination of another political dissident.]

No. 3

Stephen Miller

Last week: 11

The man who David Letterman said “fell off a truck” is shooting up the rankings as the new “how can it be a Muslim ban if we removed Iraq from the list of countries, okay sure, the other six are still majority Muslim countries, but so what” Muslim Ban has officially been signed. Yes, it will face challenges in the courts, but that just means we’re about to get treated to a few more gloriously awkward runs of Stephen Miller yelling at cable news hosts in his charming racist-surfer Santa Monica accent.

No. 4

Paul Ryan

Last week: N/R

The good news is that after last week’s embarrassingly juvenile, National Treasure-esque scavenger hunt around the Capitol grounds, Paul Ryan’s morally bankrupt scheme to rob poor people of their healthcare—which you should definitely not call Trumpcare—is finally here for everyone to see. The bad news, however, is that...pretty much everyone hates it. Democrats hate it. Hospitals hate it. Even the lunatics at Breitbart hate it! And in that way, Paul Ryan really is doing his part to heal a divided nation. We can all gather together, godless coastal elites and furious midwestern Christians, and bond over our shared hatred of Paul Ryan’s unvarnished spinelessness.

No. 5

Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys

Last week: N/R

The Americans, the critically-acclaimed FX thriller that chronicles the exploits of cunning Russian spies embedded in the United States, kicked off its fifth season this week, officially becoming the first television series in history seamlessly transition from scripted drama to reality show through absolutely no effort of its own. Also, now that a period piece about the ‘80s seems like the most relevant thing on television, is it time to maybe appreciate the music of MC Hammer? Is that cool yet? No? Forget we said anything.

No. 6

The president of your alma mater’s College Republicans club

Last week: N/R

Martin Gill* was the worst part of going to college. While everyone else was smoking pot and experimenting with bisexuality, Martin was jerking off to Bill Kristol columns and avoiding being photographed with a beer, lest it interfere with his eventual plan to work as a political operative in Washington. That obviously didn't work out. For the past few years he’s eked out a living running a conspiracy theory blog, which was a relatively depressing existence up until November 8th, 2016, because one of his 200 readers was and remains Steve Bannon. And so, in a roundabout way, his dream of being an advisor to the president came true after all.

*May not be a real person.

No. 7

Mike Pence

Last week: 6

After bombshell reports surfaced this week that, while serving as governor of Indiana, Pence had used a private, unsecured email address to conduct sensitive state business—the same conduct that he once said made Hillary Clinton “the most dishonest candidate for President of the United States since Richard Nixon”—the embattled vice president was forced to resign this week, proving that the Trump administration’s longstanding commitment to cybersecurity best practices knows no partisan bounds.