A DJ with a collection of 128mb memory sticks has confirmed that he is struggling to get any gigs.

Twenty four year old Steven Laves, aka DJ SLaves, claims that despite his fully portable collection of “tech house bangers”, he has failed to secure a single gig since he started DJing almost four years ago.

“At this point, I really feel like I’m ready to get myself out there and start gigging,” explained Mr Laves earlier. “I bought myself these USBs earlier this year and I thought making myself mobile would be the catalyst for a really successful career but, so far, I haven’t had any luck.”

“I’m not sure what the problems is,” he continued. “I’m a wicked DJ, my tunes are hotter than the sun and I’ve been using all of the right emojis when bigging myself up on social media, there must be something else at play here.”

“Maybe I should think about changing my name,” he speculated. “I saw a t-shirt with ‘Slavery, it gets shit done’ printed on it and I thought it was hilarious, I really believed I’d get gigs and loads of other shit done if I made my name DJ SLaves but now I’m not so sure, maybe I need to call myself DJ Sweatshop or DJ Minimum Wage.”

According to friends of Mr Laves, the reason he hasn’t had any gigs is because he’s a “bit of an asshole” and “pretty shit”.

“I heard him do one kind of alright mix once,” claimed neighbour and childhood friend Josh. “But he usually trainwrecks everything. He’s like a shit version of an already shit DJ, if you know what I mean. I don’t even listen when he’s playing at a house party for free so there’s no way I’d pay to see him in a club.”