Photo: homestarrrunner.com

With news that Homestar Runner would be seeing more frequent updates later this year, we went back and rewatched every single Strong Bad Email, the series that really put the weirdo Flash animation site on the map. Some good news: All of the emails you remember — the ones that you can still quote — mostly hold up. Some less good news: The ones that you don’t remember, or maybe have never even seen? Those haven’t fared so well. But that’s okay: A lot of these are more than a decade old, and this was bound to happen. So without further ado, here is a definitive ranking of all 205 Strong Bad Emails.

1. Japanese Cartoon: The GOAT. Japanese Cartoon is the best style parody that the Brothers Chaps ever made, and one of — if not the — earliest, as well. “Then you just put me in space and let me fly around in cool poses” is both a good distillation of anime and a quintessential Strong Bad line.

2. Crying: There’s just something very funny about seeing Homestar and the Cheat on the ground, reduced to tears by being shown a cartoon dog with only one leg. “That little guy. He’s got the heart of a champion! You’re gonna make it, Li’l Brudder! You just keep scrapin’ along!”

3. English Paper: As someone who experienced the Strong Bad email heyday in middle school, there were few things more relatable than tips on how to write school papers. And, even better, as an Easter egg, you could download the fake paper featured in the cartoon. It meant that a few of my papers actually included cartoon diagrams about eating batteries.

4. Techno: For a larger-than-you’d-expect group, the phrase “The system is down” triggers vivid memories of this proto-EDM masterpiece.

5. Monster Truck: I’ve never been to a monster-truck rally, but if they’re like anything Strong Bad imagines them to be, I’d be there in a heartbeat. Tire jumping, smashed guitars, and the King of Town eating a cardboard box covered in syrup. Plus, we hear our very first Limozeen lyric: “I’ve got the heart of a lion / And the wings of a bat / Because it’s midnight!”

6. Mascot: In another nice bit of world-building, we meet the CGNU mascot, the Dumple, which is some sort of dumpling thing in a tri-corner hat. He cheers on the team at golf-club games, where players smash piles of electronics with a golf club. That’s a good sport. That should be a real sport.

7. Caper: Strong Bad and the Cheat have a falling out after bungling a plot to steal the Jumble from Homestar’s newspaper. Strong Bad then sings a rousing anthem about how happy he is that the Cheat is not dead. Try explaining any of this to your parents.

8. Band Names: I don’t think anyone would argue that Limozeen, Taranchula, and Bigg Nife are not stellar names for ‘80s hair bands. And they’re probably still up for grabs.

9. Dragon : The debut of Trogdor the Burninator, a global sensation. This email also contains Strong Sad’s beautiful chiaroscuro-shaded dragon sketch as well as Strong Mad’s sketch, which is just the word “DAGRON” carved into the table with a knife.

10. Kids’ Book: “Everyone is different. No two people are the same not on fire.”

11. Comic: The debut of the Teen Girl Squad, which oddly resonated with teen girls, and with the boys like me who were trying to figure them out.

12. Flag Day: Here’s something I learned this week: I still know pretty much all of the words to the Strong Badia National Anthem. I am a legal adult.

13. Website: Strong Bad was ahead of his time in 2002. Here’s some of his advice: “Okay, next on the checklist: lots of animated GIFs!” That still holds up.

14. Stunt Double: Another excuse for Strong Bad to do a style parody, this email saw the introduction of the “sweded” Dangeresque franchise. Somehow, with chintzy Flash animations, it manages to mimic action-film tropes and the process of making home movies with a camcorder.

15. Montage: This is probably the best example of the Brothers Chaps’ gonzo sense of humor and their songwriting versatility. It features various montages involving a wagon full of pancakes, and at one point, there is a shot of Strong Bad and the pancake wagon listening to a vinyl record. The pancake is wearing headphones. Strong Bad falls in love with the wagon.

16. CGNU: Just a good parody of college TV ads. Solid jokes and good goofs.

17. New Hands: Strong Bad imagines having his hands replaced with, among other things, a bucket. You could just, you know, sit right down on the bucket when you’re feeling tired.

18. Dangeresque 3: (See “Stunt Double” above.)

19. Caffeine: Strong Sad is usually a fun vacuum, sucking up all the fun from any room he enters. That’s why it’s nice to see him get too amped up on caffeine and go nuts. Strong Sad trying to talk to the Cheat in his native tongue is quite possibly the single funniest line reading in any of the emails.

20. Crazy Cartoon: I’m still waiting for someone to option Sweet Cuppin’ Cakes, either for Saturday morning cartoons or for the Adult Swim crowd.

21. Island: In a rare break from style or genre parody, this email simply contains some surprisingly good character work with Strong Bad and Homestar marooned on a desert island.

“Hey, Stinkoman.”

“Um, did you just called me Stinkoman?”

“Yes, sir, I did.”

“Jeez. You don’t happen to have a gun on your side of the island, do you?”

22. Helium: “Welcome to the High Voice Crew / I hope you have a high voice, too / When you’ve got a high voice / You don’t have a choice / Your voice is high all the time.”

23. Sisters: Strong Bad accidentally deletes an email from Ali and Ali’s sister — a mistake that will haunt him for the rest of the series.

24. Invisibility: Strong Bad imagines what he would do if he were invisible. The answer is that he’d do all of the same stuff, which mainly means punching people. Believing that he has been punched by a floating box of Swiss Rolls, Homestar observes, “Ow! Those things are bad for you.”

25. Different Town: Many of the emails that ranked highly on this list feature music, and Different Town is one of those. Strong Bad imagines how he would change his world, with ideas like flamethrowers shooting chocolate hundred-dollar bills. The most disturbing visual: Homsar would be a “modestly hot girl …”

And here are the next 180. (You can find them all here.)



26. Video Games

27. The Basics

28. Trevor the Vampire*

29. For Kids

30. 50 Emails

31. Old Comics

32. Kind of Cool

33. Local News

34. 2 Emails

35. Haircut

36. Radio

37. Sibbie

38. Action Figure

39. Other Days

40. Fingers

41. Virus

42. Colonization

43. Your Friends

44. Couch Patch

45. 1 step ahead

46. Morning Routine

47. Personal Favorites

48. Date

49. Privileges

50. Rock Opera

51. I Love You

52. 3 Wishes

53. The Bird

54. Impression

55. 12:00

56. Rampage

57. Sugarbob (“So as you can see, they’re all really nice, and hot and very web savvy.”)

58. Suntan

59. Lures & Jigs

60. Ghosts

61. Pizzaz

62. Best Thing

63. The Show

64. Time Capsule

65. Dullard

66. Marzipan

67. Record Book

68. Do Over

69. Theme Park

70. Guitar

71. Studying (“You’ve got the potential to get to first, second, and quite possibly even third base.”)

72. Origins

73. Lunch Special

74. Web Comics

75. Army

76. Animal

77. The Bet

78. Part-Time Job

79. Little Questions

80. Mile

81. Bottom 10

82. Duck Pond

83. Stupid Stuff

84. Secret Recipes

85. Car

86. Property of Ones

87. Trading Cards

88. No Loafing

89. Long Pants

90. Huttah!

91. Gimmicks

92. Spring Cleaning (“DELETED!”)

93. Super Powers

94. Dreamail

95. Little Animal

96. Big White Face

97. hremail3184

98. Credit Card

99. Flashback

100. Email Thunder

101. Superhero Name

102. Underlings

103. Autobiography

104. 2 years

105. The Movies

106. Cheat Talk

107. The Paper

108. Cartoon

109. ISP

110. Independent

111. Monument

112. Halloweener

113. Technology

114. Extra Plugs

115. Unused Emails

116. Cheatday

117. SB_Email 22

118. The Chair

119. Redesign

120. Narrator

121. Lackey

122. Weird Dream

123. Buried

124. Interview

125. Stand-Up

126. Business Trip

127. I She Be

128. Theme Party

129. Butt IQ

130. Hiding

131. Your Funeral

132. Theme Song

133. Your Edge

134. Alternate Universe

135. Garage Sale

136. Bike Thief

137. Tape-Leg

138. Licensed

139. Highschool

140. Modeling

141. Slumber Party

142. Replacement

143. The Facts

144. Retirement

145. Original

146. Keep Cool

147. Portrait

148. Videography

149. 4 Branches

150. Specially Marked

151. Mini-Golf

152. Myths & Legends

153. Love Poems

154. More Armies

155. Coloring

156. Labor Day

157. Depressio

158. Lady Fan

159. Some Kinda Robot (“Keep sending me your questions, and I will make fun of you, I mean, answer them.”)

160. Pet Show

161. I Rule

162. Dictionary

163. Cliffhangers

164. Funny

165. Rated

166. Making Out

167. Winter Pool

168. Candy Product

169. Being Mean

170. Bedtime Story

171. Current Status

172. Imaginary

173. Concert

174. Strong Badathlon

175. Environment

176. The Process

177. Death Metal

178. From Work

179. Road Trip

180. Looking Old

181. Space Program

182. Pop-Up

183. Shapeshifter

184. Secret Identity

185. Pizza Joint

186. Yes, Wrestling

187. What I Want

188. Geddup Noise

189. Nightlife

190. Vacation

191. Anything

192. Hygiene

193. Fan Club

194. Pom Pom

195. Unnatural

196. Lady…ing

197. Magic Trick

198. Brianrietta

199. Senior Prom

200. Disconnected

201. Homsar

202. Diorama

203. Boring

204. Homestar Hair

205. Rough Copy

*This post has been updated to include “Trevor the Vampire,” which we originally forgot, because 205 is a lot.

