Andrew O'Grady For the Poughkeepsie Journal

What do you think of when you hear the term gun violence? Perhaps you immediately get defensive because you feel someone is about to try to infringe on your right to bear arms. Perhaps you think of mass shootings or gang and drug violence.

It is likely you did not think of suicide, or as a very brave man from Pawling describes it, self-murder. David, a friend of Mental Health America of Dutchess County, wanted me to share his story.

David’s parents separated when he was 13 years old and after this he experienced depression. Like many people, especially teens and young adults, David had thoughts of what it would be like if he was not alive, however, he never thought of suicide. That changed when he was 23 years old — it changed for 17 seconds. Interpersonal relationships, whether it is a friendship, family or romantic, can be overwhelmingly emotional for everyone, especially younger people. Oct. 30,1993, after three days of being ostracized by his closest friends everything changed for David. As he stormed into his house, with his grandmother sitting in the living room, he did the unthinkable.

In our conversation David then described the next 12 seconds in explicit detail. Remember, there had been no previous thought of suicide until that moment. He stormed past his grandmother in a rage; he called it an out-of-body experience, one in which he watched the events unfold from above his right shoulder. He grabbed the loaded family shotgun from the unlocked gun cabinet (2 seconds). His grandmother, sensing something was seriously wrong, pleaded to know what he was doing (3 seconds). He stormed out the back door of the house (4 seconds), pointed the gun under his chin (2 seconds) and pulled the trigger (1 second). Twelve seconds is all it took to change his life forever.

His body flew back against the side of the house. He sat there, conscious and in shock, his mouth, nose and forehead missing. He was unable to see out of his one eye. He got up dazed and stumbled back in the house. He sat at the kitchen table with his face destroyed, trying to make sense of what had just happened, blood everywhere. He then stumbled back outside and sat against his family flagpole until the police and ambulance arrived.

A month ago, I met with Stephanie Bosco-Ruggierio and Alex Dubroff. They are with New Yorkers Against Gun Violence. Before you stop reading this because you adamantly defend your Second Amendment rights, this column is not about whether or not people have the right to own firearms. In fact, David remains an avid hunter and believes strongly in the Second Amendment. The conversation I had with Stephanie and Alex was focused on their mission. Not to try to influence whether people should own firearms; instead it is about gun violence and how to minimize the potential for it. Let’s explore how to reduce the likelihood of the gun violence of suicide.

Suicide is a final act of desperation. Unless you have been there, on the brink of trying to take your life, you cannot fully understand the darkness that surrounds you at that moment. It is a decision that too often is made in a matter of seconds. Guns are one of the most lethal methods, leaving the person with little or no chance to seek intervention after the life-ending action.

More than 15,000 suicides are completed by gun each year in the United States. Far more people kill themselves with a firearm each year than are murdered with one. Each year in the United States the number of suicides completed by gun almost doubles the number of people who were murdered by one. Suicide is always a Top 10 cause of death in the U.S. More than half of these suicides are by gun. While guns are not the most common method attempted, it is the most lethal, with percent of attempts resulting in death.

Suicide may not be an easy topic to discuss and while there may be warning signs, many times those signs are more readily clear after the fact. If the quickest and most lethal method is a gunshot then please do not make the gun and the ammunition easily accessible. If you have someone in your household who has a history of depression then please hide the guns from him or her and separate the gun from the ammunition. If you, as the gun owner, have experienced depression then take a picture of someone you need to live for and tape his or her picture to the gun. If you do not have anyone in your life like this then tape the number of the local suicide hotline on the gun. Better yet, perhaps surrendering your gun to law enforcement is an option.

As David described, it only takes less than 30 seconds of exacerbated mental stress to lead to a horrible decision that you cannot take back. David discussed how other very lethal methods require thought and planning. He said that the time it takes to get to a bridge or a train track is time that someone can think through this irreversible decision. He now knows that the act of self-murder, as he calls it, is far more than that. He knows that you are not just ending your life, but taking a small part of life from everyone that knows and loves you.

David is now 45 years old, has gone through 12 surgeries, his mouth wired shut for months, the taste of gunpowder lingering for three months, feeding tubes and years and years of rehab. He continues to experience depression at times, as navigating life, disfigured and horribly scarred, is difficult to say the least. However, he is also a survivor and an inspiration to so many, including his biggest fan, his 10-year-old son. He speaks to young people in the high school setting about the importance of calling and speaking to anyone if your life feels unmanageable. He regrets that 12 seconds every day of his life, but he agreed to be included in this column because in his words, if his story can keep one person from dying then his story needs to be told.

Andrew O’Grady is executive director of Mental Health America of Dutchess County. His column appears the first Sunday of the month.