In a new column for ELLE.com, R. Eric Thomas reads the news. Today he reads a tale of two dresses and a stage filled with balloons.

On the final night of the DNC, Rep. Joyce Beatty of Ohio gave an electrifying speech in support of Hillary Clinton. Beatty has served in the U.S. House since 2013. Prior to that she served in the Ohio House of Representatives from 1999 to 2009, where she was the first female Democratic House Leader in the state's history. She's a great politician and a fantastic speaker.

Oh, and also she wore the same dress as Melania Trump and it's giving me my entire life.

Alex Wong Getty Images

Y'all. I can't. I can't.

I mean, I can. I will. But I can't!

This is graduate level shade.

I'm just saying, don't sleep on black people. Don't do it. We use shade like it's the Force. Out here in these swamps like Yoda. "Open the library is. Read you I will."

Tom Williams Getty Images

You must love someone who sees a dress on a supermodel and is like, "Imma let you finish, but...."

She is wearing the sartorial version of "I don't know her."

When asked who her designer was, she replied, "This is from the She Doesn't Have the Range collection by You Tried It."

Actually, and this is true, Beatty claims to be totally blindsided by the whole thing. She didn't even know she was wearing the same dress. Y'all the shade is just shut up in her bones. I love it!

Beatty claims that she wore the dress at the suggestion of her husband, Otto, also a longtime politician. It was just a coincidence.

I just want to say—I see you Otto Beatty Jr., and I salute you.

The Beattys are over here like, "Oh, you want to just borrow parts of the first lady's speech? That's cool. I drink your milk shake. I drink it right up!"

Saul Loeb Getty Images

Representative Joyce Beatty of Ohio, you're an American hero; you make me want to be a better person. And by that I mean a shadier person.

For real though, people dressed in white were having a moment last night!

Alex Wong Getty Images

This woman is not afraid of ISIS, Putin, Trump, or stains.

She literally carries hot sauce around with her all the time. That takes guts! You know how hard it is to get the right amount of Frank's Red Hot out of that little bottle without some of it splashing up on you?

I love the people who complain that Hillary's white pantsuit is impractical. What's she scheduled to do in it? She's giving a speech, not cooking a Fourth of July barbecue. Her agenda for the day had one item: make history.

You know who is giving a Fourth of July barbecue? American Dad Tim Kaine! He's got some links on the grill and he's inviting over the whole country. He's wearing an apron that unironically says "I Love Meat" and he would love to talk to you about this hilarious thing that happened one time in Honduras.

Saul Loeb Getty Images

You have to love Tim Kaine. He loves you. He loves you so much.

And I am living for the slow rollout of his Father's Day tie collection, available at finer Marshalls across the country.

I am also 100 percent here for Tim Kaine's total ebullience about these balloons.

It is hard to overstate the thrill of seeing very accomplished adults frolicking in balloons.

Bill Clinton has never been happier in his life and he won two presidential elections.

Bill is so happy.

You know who's not happy? This man.

Joe Raedle Getty Images

I live for this picture. This man is shading these balloons so hard! He is so pressed right now. He's like, "These balloons are problematic." He is going through it. Ugh, thoughts and prayers, friend.

But Bill! Gurl....

Alex P. Bernstein Getty Images

Bill has gone full Pina Bausch here. This photo won the next season of So You Think You Can Dance.

So much changes when you become a vegan.

Tom Williams Getty Images

Y'all, Bill Clinton is on another plane. He doesn't even know he's here right now.

Robyn Beck Getty Images

I love this picture because it captures that moment when Hillary Clinton is finally inducted into the society of people who understand that there is no greater thrill in life than being showered with balloons.

It's about time she was inducted into the society. I hope there are many more to come.

The Washington Post Getty Images

Welcome, Hillary Clinton.

R. Eric Thomas R Eric Thomas is a Senior Staff Writer at ELLE.com, home of his daily humor column "Eric Reads the News," which skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude.

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