Name: Joan Rivers

Age: 80.

Appearance: A hollow victory against the ravages of time.

Is she the one with the face? Possibly.

Which face are we talking about here? You know. The scary one.

You'll have to be more specific. The face that launched – and continues, all by itself, to fund – a thousand careers as a cosmetic surgeon? The one that's had so much work done to it the only original features left are the eyes? The one that looks like a waxwork model of a child's drawing of Lucille Bluth? Ah. Yeah, that's her.

What does she actually do? She's a comedian famous for her vicious, no-holds-barred assaults on other people's appearances.

Such as? "I met Adele! What's her song, Rolling in the Deep? She should add 'fried chicken'."

Charming and hilarious. So what has she done now? Got herself into an argument that could end with her being expelled.

Expelled from what? Expelled from the Writers Guild of America East. Rivers is due to attend a hearing next month over allegations that she violated the guild's rules by writing jokes for her entertainment show Fashion Police during a strike over alleged unpaid wages. If they do kick her out, she'll be the first person ever to have been expelled in the organisation's history.

What does she have to say about that? "This is such a bunch of bullshit."

She doesn't hold back, does she? Never. You don't hurl the kind of insults she does if you don't love a shouting match.

Who else has she been slagging off then? Almost everyone. Including, in the last month alone: Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan's dad, Miley Cyrus and Madonna. And, earlier this year, Gwyneth Paltrow, after the actor claimed she quit Botox because it was making her look like Joan Rivers.

To which Rivers replied? "When I put my head up my ass, I look like her – which is why I don't do that, either!"

That doesn't really make sense at all, does it? Not really. To be fair, she is 80.

Do say: "That bitchy stuff is just her shtick."

Don't say: "And also, coincidentally, who she is."