



----Since I am in my 3rd year of high school, I have to do my best in studying. Lately, everyday I have been wearing my uniform. I hate studying but you can only be a 3rd year in high school once in your life. If I study properly now, I think I am able to pass the examination when I want to take it. I was thinking there are various alternatives and choices in life. Even between work, I will try to find the time to study.Yes, I am a highschool student (laughs).How should I put it, to start, as a child I particularly didn't have a dream or a goal. In school, they make you write compositions. At that time, the person next to me would seriously write theirs. I haven’t thought about things regarding the future. Time just passed. I went to the next grade, and before I knew it, I became a middle school student. That’s how it went.That might be the case. I never expected to be accepted.I don’t really remember that time. Maybe, it was because of the pressure and the anxious thoughts of “Why does it have to be me?”.... But, even now that hasn’t changed. Rather, I feel like it has gotten bigger. The hurdles go up every time you perform, create, when you release something. I am thankful for that but I feel like I have to live up to the expectations.Yes, I don’t really remember.Eh, that I hate studying?After that… how I get bored easily? Ehh, what is it?? I don’t remember at all.True, this has never changed.That is my personal way of thinking but…. even if we think about the future, things will not always go the way you wanted it to be. Isn’t it better to work hard at what is in front of you right now?, so I thought. Instead of rushing into the future, I feel that it’s better to face forward as you treasure each passing day.That's right. They frequently told me of my schedule, I was told “ Don’t you feel more relieved this way?” but... in my case it’s the opposite. If a tightly packed work schedule is sent to me, I would think “I don’t want to look!”. When I know about it beforehand, I will think “I will be anxious on that day”, “I will be worried on this day”, “So I have a project like this, I hate this”. So that’s why I think it’s better if I knew about it a day before (laughs).Yes, I haven’t thought about the size of the job, never. Before a big job, it may be normal to think that you have to try your best. I am constant in any job, and the same in any job I challenge. Every time without changing, I am anxious. Everyday being nervous.That is what is thought of me…. but even now standing before the stage I nervously shake. I have been looking for a way to overcome this tension, but there isn’t anything. No matter what I do, I can’t make the nervousness disappear. Not to mention, even before arriving at today's studio, I was nervous since this morning.There are a lot of new people to meet, what kind of clothes I am going to wear, and then also thinking about how I should show it…. before starting I am always anxious. But, when the time comes, I don’t know. So I leave it to myself to stand in front of the camera and the atmosphere of the scene at that time. It’s always that kind of feeling.Right. After all, at that time I’ll have only myself to rely on. When that’s the case, I’d like to only think about tomorrow.Today, after this, I’ll be going to the company, and then I will talk to the staff a little, then wondering if I should go home.. That kind of future.There isn’t. Even now, I still don’t have a dream or goal.Without limiting it to just the stage, with music, “How can I deliver this song?”, “How can I express these lyrics so that they reach people more?”, things like that are all I think about. Yeah, there is nothing else other than that.It worries me a lot. To the point that I wish I could ask the staff to call out to each person that comes to see our lives to hear their impressions. That’s a wish that I have true feeling for. That would be a lot of work for the staff, and I’d like for the audience to freely return home with what they got out of the performance, so naturally I’d feel guilty. So every time, I ask the staff that watched from guest seating their impressions and opinions. Same for television.I wonder about that, since each person has their own way of perceiving things. Things like “This girl is always facing downwards.” or “She doesn’t laugh.” I think there’s probably a lot of things that are said. Even if you say you don’t care… you end up caring. I think I have the type of personality that worries. Of course, I’m not looking up things about me online, but like I look at my phone and my name will pop up immediately. I don’t read it in detail, but somehow I’ll understand what it’s about.When I’m eating with some staff that I trust, something like that… There’s been one change these last 4 and a half years. That is, I’ve been able to meet people that I trust. There’s been a few people that I’ve worked with together for a long time who appear to be people I can trust.Yeah, just a few (laughs). When I’m eating with those people, it often becomes a conversation about Keyakizaka and Hirate Yurina, but there’s also been totally lighthearted conversations as well. Lots of laughter and joking around. That’s where I can be a normal girl, where I can be relaxed without straining myself.No, my manager was getting married. It was the first time in my life attending a wedding ceremony. When I went to buy a dress for the reception, it was completely the first time experiencing that too. There’s also a lot I feel just for the people that have been taking care of me all this time…Hehe, I more or less thought about it. Like “In time the day will come when I’ll be putting together my own wedding ceremony like this, huh?” (laughs)It’s still unknown. That’s what I’ve been told by people around me as well. “It’s unknown and undetermined, so many possibilities are imaginable. You could get married and become a normal mother, you could continue working in the entertainment world, or you could suddenly say ‘Tomorrow, I’m retiring.’ None of that would seem strange.” I myself have thought that way as well.Eh? A wish when I blow out the candles? This is the first time I’ve heard of that. It should be something from the heart, right? Well, when I think of that… I wouldn’t be able to blow them out, wouldn’t be able to breathe, I’d end up holding it back. I’d think too much, and just end up going “uhh.” (laughs)I’m thinking I’m at a point where there’s a lot I should know, a lot I should learn. Like what you just said about the candles. I’m honestly naive and ignorant of much of the world.No, there’s no such thing. It’s more like the opposite. Before I started working in entertainment, I was a girl who barely understood things like emotions. Like being glad, feeling like “I’m happy” … “Enjoyment” too, I only truly learned recently. I’ve never had the thought “It’d be nice if times like this could continue for a long time.” Truthfully, it feels like my life started after I entered Keyakizaka. I became aware of what I’m capable of and how to express my enjoyment for the first time by entering the entertainment world. In the many meetings I’ve had with people, I also encountered many emotions. It’s truly been full of things I experienced for the first time. For this reason, there’s many more things I want to know and learn. I feel that those thoughts are becoming powerful now.Ah, it’s difficult. I can’t express myself well with words… Yeah, I’m grateful, very much so.Uhh, that time will happen at that time. Right now, even if I thought about it, I wouldn’t know. If things become like that, then at that time, I’ll think about it again (lol).--Translation & QC by emi, fuyupz, toomuchideaRaw @ weibo