If there's one thing guaranteed to ruin your day at the beach every single time, it's poo water. Particularly human poo water.

So imagine the disgust felt by beachgoers in Melbourne, Australia, when they were warned (for the second time in just over a month) to avoid all 36 beaches in the Port Phillip bay region Tuesday, due to a post-heavy rainfall influx of human faecal matter. Nice.

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A like January's poo beach incident, the latest contamination is a result of a large amount of rain falling Monday, draining all of the city's catchments into the ocean and plunging beachside water quality down to inhospitable levels.

#BeachReport forecast: 36 beaches are rated POOR due to recent rain and likely stormwater pollution. Updates: https://t.co/lt0qAextBL pic.twitter.com/dtW0u4sTvb — EPA Victoria (@EPA_Victoria) February 6, 2017

I implore all my Melbourne friends today to go for a swim in the poo water. Go on, Life* Be In It!!!



* poo water — Ben Jenkins (@bencjenkins) January 2, 2017

"It's gastro that we're worried about and infections," EPA group manager Dr Anthony Boxshall told The Age in maybe one of the grossest soundbites you're going to read today. "If someone had an open wound on their hand, you can get pathogens."

SHIT STORM HITS MELBOURNE BEACHES — Zac Spitzer (@zackster) January 2, 2017

Poo beaches?? Really Melbourne, you must try harder... pic.twitter.com/e3mrKq0Rqp — Annie Parker (@annie_parker) January 2, 2017

Seriously, Melbourne, this has got to stop. No one like a poo beach.

See? Much easier! Image: Trainspotting/Polygram