TL;DR: Apparently WWII was a huge conspiracy against the Japanese and a certain ethnic group did it. Read it.

So, this, like many a tale, occurs in the magical hell that is high school.

I should start by saying I have never been a weeb. Ever. Studying, obsessing over superhero movies, raising my hand so much in class that I was temporarily ‘banned’ from answering (lifted when the teacher couldn’t deal with people mixing up The Axis Powers and The Allied Powers)-more my speed. But I was socially awkward and the class clown, so I ended up hanging out with the outcasts (read: weebs) most of the time.

First thing that I found odd were the “cat ears”. I, to this day, have only a vague idea what they are. All the other people in my group were wearing them. “Joanie-Chan (my name is not Joanie, this is for the sake of clarity), where are your ears?” Mother of Iron Man, my head? Some of them thought I was being sarcastic. I was being serious.

I’ll call the head weeb “Monica”. Every time I saw her I cringed a bit. She wore one of those fake cat tails, The Nightmare Before Christmas shit (I know, not weeb, but don’t crucify me), the damn cat ears, and dyed her hair weird colors-badly.

Monica was more into manga and anime and all things Japan than she was into school. As the resident “nerd”, I frequently “tutored” the others in the group-I explained concepts and helped them understand stuff. Proofread papers. “Professor Joanie to the rescue!”

Then we got to the WWII unit.

Now, I sincerely hope everyone reading this knows what went down between 1938 to 1945. Too long, slept during class: Bad shit happened.

Monica was die-hard Japan. She said, in class, while debating me (we did debates):

“Pearl Harbor was not Japan’s fault! President Lincoln (I am not making this up) ordered the US troops to fake it!”

"Japan never tortured people.” Side note: Unit 731.

“Well, you are just a baka, Japan should have won the war because they had samurais!"

"You don’t understand history, Joanie-Chan."

First, I love history. Second, the only things we did agree on was that the internment of Japanese Americans was wrong, and the A-Bomb was devastating on a massive scale. Third, the teacher was going to punch a wall. And fourth, I shot down all her bullshit. Never try to feed crap to a history lover.

After class, I officially lost my shit in front of her. I cursed, pointed my finger, grabbed my notes, cited my sources-all the time being called a “baka” (I thought she was calling me a burka-I don’t even know). My passionate plea for her to come to her senses attracted the attention of the AVP.

"Joanie, what’s going on?"

"WWIII. Or, to be precise, a very loud tutoring session."

Yeah, I was a smartass. Carrying on, queue Monica:

"It was the Jews fault!"

Silence.

After that, Monica was suspended. I kinda made different friends, because the other weebs kept defending Monica.

Monica friended me on Facebook recently. I checked her page out of morbid curiosity: Cos-play (nothing wrong with that, I went as The Comedian from Watchmen for Halloween), how things are “Kawaii”, etc. And a baby. That scared me the most. Because every picture of the poor child had it wearing…shudder…cat ears.

De. Friend.

So, that’s the story of Monica. Today I’m child free and working on my degree in history. She’s got a weird hybrid cat-baby.