In a reverse trend of sorts, well-qualified and employed Malayali women want to turn homemakers after marriage, but their husbands don’t want their wives to sit at home, irrespective of their economic status. TOI explores…The debates on whether women should work after marriage would continue till eternity in Indian society. But in the meantime, a parallel revolution seems to be sprouting, mostly among well-qualified and employed men and women, where the wives want to turn homemakers after marriage, while the husbands want them to work.The reasons cited by the husbands are many, but one thing is for sure, the average urban husband doesn’t want his wife to sit at home anymore. We explore the trend.The major reason cited by those living in cities is the cost of living these days, which will be difficult to meet with just one person’s income. Sarath, an IT engineer, says, “There are a few wives in our circles who were reluctant to go back to work after marriage. But there is no choice. We planned our lives based on our combined income; EMIs depend on that. If the wife stops working, all plans will turn topsy turvy,” he says. But then, the question is not about survival but on living in a plush apartment, owning a luxury car etc, he stresses.The same was the case with software professional Aswathi S, who decided to sit at home for a while after her husband got transferred to Kerala. “I couldn’t find a suitable IT job, but my husband wouldn’t hear of me sitting at home. Finally, I found a bank job first and then a content management job,” she says.Sreejith S, a lawyer, was not pleased when his wife Smitha Menon quit her job after marrying him. “Smitha was well qualified, but there she was, spending all day gossiping with some neighbours, who were also jobless. I had to literally push her out of the house. However qualified you are, the way society treats you will be different if you don’t have a job. Even your own children won’t value you after a point,” says Sreejith.And though Smitha was initially reluctant to get out of the comfort zone, she doesn’t regret her decision to start her own PR agency. “After quitting my job, I started forgetting which day of the week it was. My whole life revolved around my husband. At one point I even started feeling that he is not paying enough attention to me. I later realised that was because I didn’t have anything else to think about while sitting at home all day.”The most important factor of all, according to most husbands, is that they want their wives to be able to survive if something happens to them. “I don’t want the archetypal wife who cooks and cleans and waits for me with coffee when I get back from work. I would be happier if she is independent and can take care of herself and our child even if I’m not there,” says Neeraj Sasi, a consultant.In the earlier generations, most of the women would be left helpless in the absence of the husband. Today’s menfolk don’t want the same happening to their wives. “The exposure and connections you get from being in a job are something else altogether. You are better prepared to face a difficult situation if employed,” says Neeraj.“There are many reasons why I want my wife to work. But to me, the most crucial is that she understands when I say I will be late. Only a working woman will realise the stress and demands of a corporate job,” says Ganesh V, a copywriter. “If she sits at home all day, she will expect me to take her out even when I come home tired after a hectic day.”Why can’t men let the women decide whether to work or not? says Manjula P, a homemaker turned teacher. Interestingly, many of the husbands too echo this view. “I will always want my wife to work but will never force her. Ultimately it’s her choice,” says Neeraj.