You know what you need? A wearable. I know you didn’t buy into the trend five years ago, or even a year ago, but I think the time has come. You know what else? You seem like a person that appreciates no fuss and no screens, especially no touchscreens. You take your health seriously. You don’t care about all those gimmicky wearables that make health a game or the smartwatches that prioritize phone actions over health. You need a real serious device.

Maybe a $250 Health Watch that tracks heart rate, activity, sleep, and calories?

You know what goes great with that smartwatch? A connected Body Analysis Scale. It’ll tell you your BMI and body fat percentage. Very uplifting stats!

Oh wait, but if you’re getting the watch and the scale you’ll also probably want this blood pressure monitor. It’s only $99.99.

Now, if you’re getting the Health Watch, Body Analysis Scale, and the Upper Arm Blood Pressure Monitor, you’re probablyyy going to want an ear thermometer, too.

Great, so you’ve got a comprehensive picture of your health now, all stored on Philips’ HealthSuite health app, and you’ve only spent $529.96. Congrats, I’m very happy for your health investment. Just make sure you toss out your old thermometer, old scale, and old watch. You won’t be needing those in the future.