Traditional Marriage Counseling

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Dr. Newberger's Framework

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Consumer Reports

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that in a survey of marriage therapists over 60 percent said they were neutral as to whether a couple stays married or gets divorced. Only one-third agreed with the statement, "I am committed to preserving marriage and avoiding divorce whenever possible." This philosophy has huge implications for Naples–Fort Myers marriage counseling.Take the case of Stephanie and Max. They were seeking help to heal their strained relationship. Stephanie reveals, "We were looking for someone to work with us on a specific plan for our marriage. Instead, we got a totally neutral counselor who didn't seem to care whether or not our marriage survived. We weren't neutral about wanting to save our marriage, he was."Researchers have conducted studies to find out if traditional marital therapy even worked. The findings caught many by surprise. Two years after ending marriage counseling a quarter of the couples were worse off compared to when they started counseling. After four years, up to 38% were divorced.Clinical psychologist, Willard F. Harley, Jr., also noted, "People who seek help from marriage counselors usually assume that the goal of therapy is saving the marriage. Unfortunately, most marital therapists are specifically trained to be non-directive or neutral. They see themselves as someone couples can talk to, but not someone who will coach them into changes that will ultimately save their marriage." If marriage counseling does not incorporate the goal of relationship improvement, the likelihood of a divorce increases substantially.No wonder asurvey (cited by Dr. John Gottman in 2015) revealed that traditional "marital therapy did not benefit the majority of couples."To find the right Fort Myers–Naples marriage counselor you should be asking about their philosophy and approach before committing to their process. What role does this person intend to play? Is the marriage therapist goal-oriented? Is the couples counselor willing to fight for your relationship? Do they look to uncover core issues and not just the surface conflict that arises from them? Is couple reconciliation at the heart of what they do?Marriage counselor Michele Weiner-Davis advises, "put a great deal of effort into finding a therapist who will support both you and your marriage." Marriage counselor and infidelity expert Dr. Shirley Glass advises those already seeing a professional, "if your therapist just sits back and watches your exchanges without providing any structure or direction, it may be time for a change."The lesson to be learned here is that if there is no explicit goal of rebuilding the relationship at the beginning of the process, disappointment will more likely be experienced at the end. Such was the case for Stephanie and Max. They ended up getting divorced.I distinguish myself from conventional marriage or mental health counselors. At core, I am a conflict resolution specialist who proactively helps couples enjoy a deeper level of peace and harmony with each other. As the architect of the "Reconciliation Model of Peacemaking," I use a mediatorial framework that isassigning psychiatric labels or developing a "treatment" plan. It is about getting to know who you each are as a whole person, understanding your perspective, addressing your core issues as a couple, and fostering reconnection.Regarding my approach one unsolicited observer wrote: "We went to a therapist yesterday. However she didn't offer anything constructive for us to do in order to better our relationship. She stated the obvious. That was why when I saw your plan it was refreshing since it has actual steps for a couple to take."Psychologist and family therapist, Cloe Madanes, wrote about an often forgotten truth. "Through the ages we have known about the importance of having a mentor, guide, or teacher in order to succeed... The same applies to relationships." Her advice? "If you want to have a happy, successful relationship, model yourself on those who do." Being happily married for over years to Mary, I will share personal insights along the way intended to help the two of you experience the same kind of beautiful relationship we have long experienced. Click the box below to view my unique, step-by-step alternative to traditional Naples–Fort Myers marriage counseling.