The number of people tweeting social and political banter from Africa has exploded in the past three years, sprouting a subculture with its own set of rules.

Of 1.6bn geo-located tweets posted last year, Egyptians sent the most and Nigerians came second, with South Africa, Kenya and Ghana in third, fourth and fifth, according to a study by Portland Communications.

#NigeriaDecides, which tracked the Nigerian election, was the most popular hashtag.

But the real rules of the “African internet” are not drawn up during times of political discourse but emerge from jokes and memes. Here is an etiquette guide to get you through.



Always defend your country

If you are an African online you will, at one stage, be called upon to defend your country on Twitter. It is a duty and an honour that requires you to congregate at the hashtag.

Never ask how it started and offer defence first, questions later. If you have a Twitter account, you have already been conscripted.

#SomeonetellNigeria vs #SomeonetellKenya provides a helpful example of how quickly one might kick off. In 2013, a Kenyan sports journalist complained that his national football team were being poorly treated in Nigeria.

Then someone suggested starting a Twitter war, using #SomeonetellNigeria, and succeeded.

Kenyans should start #SomeonetellNigeria due to the way they are treating our stars! — Aspiring Sponsor (@kmaore) March 20, 2013

Despite getting royally burned, Nigerians still galvanised against Ghana last year. The #GhanavsNigeria battle was initially triggered by Nigerians apparently dissing their west African neighbours over their complexion.

Nigerians are always saying Ghanaians are dark, as if being dark skin as an African is wrong ... #GhanavsNaija — BiGxGh.Com (@bigxghdotcom) August 11, 2015

The call to arms could come at any time and whether it’s about football, complexion or jollof rice you must always defend your country – and a meme inferring national pride is usually your best weapon.

Pan-African camaraderie

At other times Africa online knows no borders. Many issues are pan-African, and the camaraderie that exists from a common history preceding colonialism means there is a lot of shared wisdom to be found.

A good place to start is #AfricanProverbs, bringing biblical advice to the modern age.

The man who hangs around a beautiful woman without proposing to her, ends up fetching water for guests at her wedding. #africanproverbs — PearlsOfAfrica (@POA_100) June 15, 2016

Indeed, aphorisms do not necessarily need to be ancient to be worth sharing.

Politicians: the gift that keeps on giving

Another thing that brings people together is goading politicians – and it’s important to remember that just because it’s not your election, it doesn’t mean you can’t leave snarky comments on your friends’ profiles when their president has switched off the internet on election day – see Yoweri Museveni in Uganda.

Politicians who are trying to cling on to power will do curious things and calling them out is work you should take seriously.

South Africa’s gaffe-prone sports minister, Fikile Mbalula, is probably the most trolled African politician. He was widely mocked in 2014 when he said his country “wouldn’t be like Kenya and send athletes to the Olympics to drown in pool”.

Undeterred, he recently dared his followers to share their best memes of him.

I know most of you have "Meme folders" - please share what's your Fav "#mbaksMeme" you have of me — RSA Min of Sport (@MbalulaFikile) June 20, 2016

They didn’t disappoint.

@MbalulaFikile So many faves. You are the gift that keeps on giving 😂 #MbaksMeme pic.twitter.com/SmBmu7FqWK — Gugulethu Mhlungu (@GugsM) June 20, 2016

Power outages

If anyone had ever bothered to write an official rule book it would start with “make sure everything is fully charged”.

But things are not always that simple. In June, a monkey switched off Kenya’s national grid for three hours after it got into a power plant.

Checking how your stocks are performing then you come across a K/Power statement blaming u for a national blackout pic.twitter.com/zmDXQqMv6L — Mohamed Wehliye (@WehliyeMohamed) June 7, 2016

Animals tripping switches is not new – squirrels regularly disrupt US supplies – but Kenyans have always suspected some monkey business in their electricity grid.

If you are having problems you could take inspiration from Nigerians who during the 2009 fuel shortage went to the one place where the lights are always on: church.

@ErrolCNN In Nigeria we attend church services just 2 charge our phones bcus of free access 2 gen & u must be early if not u wont find a ... — UNCLE DAF™ (@Sir_Daf) September 25, 2009

There is a growing body of sermons addressing the immorality of worshipping while charging your electronics.

Some say it’s not in the Bible, but who will know you’re a believer if you haven’t posted a Snapchat? And if God didn’t want us to charge phones in church, then why did he allow his people to put sockets in the pews?

Someone pls tell @tundefashola to sit up, see the way pple are coming to church with phones nd power banks to charge — French Kiss (@lex_nwandu) June 5, 2016

Some bright preachers are capitalising on the trend, offering the “miracle” of recharged phones and airtime in exchange for prayers.

Nigeria: Miracle! Pastor Prays Recharge Cards into Church Members' Phones in Ogun https://t.co/f1nWYTSSBE — Lexy (@omolexy) February 12, 2016

Entertainment

When it comes to entertainment, Twitter is the hotbed of the action and here the rules are fairly simple.

If you are online and a Wakaliwood movie pops up, you are duty bound to send it to all the Ugandans you know, adding all of the emojis you can muster the energy for.

No one would blame you for sharing this gem from Ghana either.

Some action from Ghana 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/9BPjRhPqIb — Snapchat: GitzTM (@iGitz_) March 29, 2016

Or this Nigerian reimagining of Game of Thrones.

Shutting down debate

After rewarding Ugandans with their favourite homegrown film clips you could then redress the balance by reminding them of the time termites were caught eating their national budget papers.

The #Abim CAO failed to account for Shs 900M. In defense, he said termites had eaten the vouchers.



Me: Uganda Zaabu pic.twitter.com/q0OTFij1TT — Melvin Nasasira (@melvin_nasasira) April 7, 2016

When you do you’ll notice that Nigerians and Kenyans will keep quiet.

Nigerians because one of their budgets disappeared completely. And Kenyans because when their current president was the finance minister, a huge hole appeared because of a “computer error”.

🎧 Who took my budget? My precious budget? I bought in Oyinbo market? For twenty kobo? I go die o, I go quench o! 🎧 — Funmi Iyanda (@Funmilola) January 12, 2016

At times like this budget wahala, I miss Fela Anikulapo Kuti. Imagine the lyrics he would have crafted...budget come, budget go.. — Ike Anya (@ikeanya) January 12, 2016

A whole country has pulled the " my cat ate my homework excuse" .Nigerians are amazing. #nigeriabudget pic.twitter.com/zKUAgxWuCi — Thabiso Bhengu (@fistvoices) January 12, 2016

Then take a few minutes to enjoy the peace and quiet before the next fight kicks off.

Morris Kiruga blogs and tweets as @owaahh