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Walken in L.A. [Christopher Walken on hot dogs]

The Onion ^ | Recently | Christopher Walken

Posted on by Silly

Do you enjoy eating hot dogs? I hope you won't be put off by my frankness when I tell you that I absolutely love them. In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled hot dog. Now, I've done a lot of movies, and it's true that I've worked with quite a few celebrities who did not share this opinion. I'm sorry to say that these people have always angered me.

There are two types of people in this world: those who eat hot dogs whenever it is possible to do so, and those who opt to do other things with their free time. Who do the latter think they are kidding? What pastime could be more rewarding than the consumption of hot dogs? I haven't yet found one, and I don't expect to in my lifetime. Unlike other foods, hot dogs can be eaten at any time, in any place, and it is not necessary to cook them. Now, I ask you: Why not eat hot dogs? They are delicious.

I carry a bag of hot dogs with me wherever I go. I eat them from the bag whenever I get the urge, regardless of the circumstances. When I make a movie, my hot dogs are my co-stars. If, in the middle of a scene, I decide I want to consume a hot dog, I do so. I waste the director's time and thousands of dollars in film stock, but in the end, it is all worth it, because I enjoy eating hot dogs more than I enjoy acting. This bothers some people. I was supposed to portray Batman, but when Tim Burton learned of my hot dog cravings, he asked Michael Keaton to wear the cape. To this day, I am peeved about this.

When we filmed The Dead Zone, I ate over 800 hot dogs a day. It was necessary. My character needed to come across as intense as possible, and I found the inspiration for that intensity in my intense love for hot dogs. The director, David Cronenberg, said that he would never work with me again. I kept eating hot dogs when the cameras were rolling, and that seemed to bother him. I say [expletive deleted] him. He doesn't even like hot dogs.

I would like to end by emphasizing once again that I really like to eat hot dogs. If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. Not only that, but I also despise all your loved ones. I want to see them torn to pieces by wild dogs. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a [expletive deleted] bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like hot dogs.

Next week: My thoughts on Woody Allen, hot dog hater and [expletive deleted] director.



TOPICS:

Editorial

Political Humor/Cartoons

KEYWORDS:

First, yes, this really was written by Chris Walken. Second, anyone who can dance as well as he can deserves some credit at FR, creepy or not. I myself also love hotdogs, but not as much as some FReepers love cheese. Further, I will try my best to post more of Walken's upcoming columns, because he is one funny dude. Lastly, I apologize for deleting the expletives, but they were pretty nasty. If you really must read them, click on the link. Still in NYC and being,



To: Silly

I didn't do a thread search before posting this, because I am absolutely certain that no one on FR but yours truly, Silly, would post such an article. I DID do a thread search AFTER I posted this, and I am happy to report that my instincts were right on the money. Hot dogs all around. Enjoy.



To: Silly

When we filmed The Dead Zone, I ate over 800 hot dogs a day.



I loved The Dead Zone...great film. Especially with Martin Sheen as a chicken-sh-t President.

And Walken was (and is) great too.



To: anniegetyourgun; hobbes1; xsmommy; katze; Cyber Liberty; blood; Argh

bttt



To: VOA

His dance video rocks. One of the best dance routines captured on film. He also has an INCREDIBLE dance sequence in "Pennies From Heaven," in which he plays a dirty pimp. He's wearing one of those creepy sleeveless undershirts, and a hat, and does a tap routine on top of the bar. A funny and virtuoso performance. Took him three months to learn it.



To: Silly

I don't eat hot dogs. But I like cheese.



To: mlo

I just KNEW you cheese people would start showing up.



To: Silly

Great post, Silly. But can you verify that Walken actually wrote this?



To: Silly

You do realize that Christopher Walken didn't write this, don't you? The Onion makes up stuff like this all the time.



To: Silly

Great Post I'm a big Walken Fan. Yes, he can dance too. I read the post like it was coming out of his mouth. The way he talks makes it even funnier



To: wideawake

Go to The Onion -- evidently his column has been carried in other papers/sites.



To: Bohemund

Okay, maybe the Onion made it up. It's still funny, and I'm Still being,



To: Silly

I adore Christopher Walken. Have you ever seen Kevin Spacey do his Christopher Walken impersonation? It's spooky.



To: Silly

First, yes, this really was written by Chris Walken. No it wasn't, and the piece is over two years old.



To: FrankOwens





To: Silly

He can't be all that bad since he dissed Woody Allen.



To: Silly

Yes, this is great- but does he really KNOW what they put in hot dogs? If he does, my hat is off to him- what incredible courage!!! (Can you say "Nasal Mucous Membrane"?? I knew you could!)



To: RANGERAIRBORNE

But it's Well-Spiced, Tender, Juicy and Delicious Nasal Mucous Membrane.



To: Silly

To: That Poppins Woman

thanks for the link!



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