LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

As the nation rushes to miss Paris Agreement emissions targets, a new threat has appeared as carpenter Gavin Rutledge (32) opened the passenger door of his Commodore VE ute on a windy day, creating a new garbage island off the coast of Queensland.

The tradesman was on his way to the work site when he stopped at his favourite service station, chosen for its diverse range of iced coffee, soft-core porn and staff that speak “fuckin’ English.”

Upon returning to his vehicle, Rutledge opened his passenger side door at the same moment a gust of wind blew past, taking with it the collection of single used plastic collection Rutledge had amassed since he first purchased the vehicle, including the rubbish left by the previous owner.

Taken up by the gale force winds, the macro-collection of meat pie wrappers, newspapers with dicks drawn on politicians faces and Gatorade bottles with extra holes burnt in, floated off the coast until resting in idyllic Queensland waters.

“Hmmm, I might get in trouble for that,” state Rutledge, referring to how he was now late for work and not the Tasmanian sized island of aquatic filth he had created.

“Tasmanian sized? How many Suncorp’s is that?”

Rutledge states he is disappointed that he is responsible for the destruction of a fragile coral reef and extinction of a rising number of endangered species but hopes everyone can chip in and do their part to remind him not to do it again.

It is unknown what the fate of “Rutledge Island” will be, although reports state boomer couples from Rockhampton have tried to book a weekend getaway at the sight, making it one of the world’s most trending ecological disasters.