I went to school in England, surrounded by cowpat and the occasional cow. Within thirty miles, you could find a butcher, baker, and, while I want to say candlestick-maker, a flower shop. Those, and an indoor ski hill. I kid you not.

In preparation for the annual spring break ski trip, my skiing-challenged schoolmates would get carted off to the white-carpeted room to learn how to pizza and french fry outside of the cafeteria.

While all this went down, I was pissed. I didn’t get to partake. Having spent my winters shredding Tahoe since age three, my teachers didn’t think I needed indoor lessons. Little did they realize I was hungry for any skiing. Carpet was better than nothing, and definitely better than soloing it in the library.

You know SNÖBAHN's legit when even Olympic gold medalist Bode Miller's on board. team_snobahn photo.

Indoor skiing facilities have been around a year or one hundred (the first slope, “Schneepalast,” which is German for snow palace, opened in an abandoned railway station in Vienna in 1927, and used soda for snow), but not everywhere’s fortunate enough to be so #blessed with one. Centennial, Colorado just fixed this for themselves.

In four days, SNÖBAHN, a state-of-the-art skiing facility where thirty minutes of continuous, average-speed skiing or snowboarding on revolving slopes is the same as skiing the distance of over 20,000 vertical feet, is opening their first location. The founders say indoor skiing’s the best way to learn the sport; repetition leads to muscle memory, which leads to progress, none of which you’ll get outdoors around here these hot months.

Humdrum on the outside, anything but on the inside. team_snobahn photo.

SNÖBAHN also says it’s the best thing since sliced bread for beginners since day passes to your average Rocky Mountain ski resort cost upwards of $100... per person. That’s way the f!@# too much if you’re mostly on your rear. SNÖBAHN charges $40 for adults for equipment plus instructor. The indoor facility also means you don’t have to watch your hair turn gray enduring hours of I-70 traffic. This is the driving range of skiing.

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Other bonuses are no cold hands, no layers upon layers, and no weather-beaten skin. That’ll all come eventually; we like to ease our newbies in. For hardcore locals getting the real goods, SNÖBAHN also means less hillside madness.

Fancy equipment only for the fanciest of skiers. team_snobahn photo.

Better yet, you’ll be able to check yoself out in the mirrors in front of each slope, and you can adjust the pitch and speed of the slope as you send it more and more. And if that doesn't make the place awesome enough, the website claims, “If you can ski or snowboard well on the indoor slopes you will be even better on snow,” and, “The slope is made of soft nylon fibers that hurt a lot less than falling on ice.”

There’s even a legit après-ski scene, with beer and everything. SNÖBAHN, you’d have made Thomas Edison proud.