When buzzword bingo goes too far. Credit, Dilbert.

One of my pet hates in a working environment is ‘management talk’. That, alongside with office politics, is enough to drive and deflate the most driven of us.

I’ve actually sat reading emails trying to decipher the cryptic messages from my line manager involving accounts, billables and future planning. For the life of me to this day I still cannot fathom what he meant.

Now I get that when you achieve leadership status, you automatically receive a large reputation, a huge amount of responsibility and a hoard of people beckoning for your every word, but does it really mean that you need to become Socrates in the process?

And then you have office jargon; did you know there there are people out there that actually use the words ‘think shower’? Yep, and I’ve unfortunately been party to hearing it in real time, and yes, I am one of the 11% of people that hate it!

A few more to tickle your creative brains are; ‘blue sky thinking’, ‘run it up the flagpole’, we’re on a journey’ and my personal favourite ‘punch a puppy’. Now when (in any instance) is it OK to say ‘punch a puppy?’ It isn’t, and it certainly isn’t in a working environment which is why I have decided to take a stand against management speak and bullshit bingo.

Fighting fire with fire

Firstly, if you haven’t already, read ‘Management Speak’ by J. Gyphon Shafer — this is a book that will teach you and talk you through the art of speaking to pompous leaders who talk in this way. It’s an eye-opener and a great way to 1) become regarding as a more senior thinker, 2) Better interact with your senior peers and 3) if you’re like me, it’s a great way of starting to fight fire with fire.

So, (as Mark Zuckerberg would say), once I read Management Speak I learned that if you sit in a meeting room and say ‘It’s all about finding the balance’, the office will stare at you in aplomb, as if you were Shakespeare connoting Hamlet, or Beethoven, sharing your final symphony. You’re a genius, the table will go quiet and for a split second, everyone will think, purse their lips together as if they’re thinking and probably rub their chins… it’s fascinating.

I wouldn’t leave it there either; using lingo like ‘agile’, ‘omnichannel’, ‘coherency’ all impact my working life. I use those words on the people who use them to me first. Why? 1) because it rubs their ego (and if you want something from them, there’s no better way to less-obviously schmooze them), and 2) it creates a psychological relationship between both yourself and the other party who will naturally think (if you use the words right) that you’re ‘on the same wavelength’ (another bullshit bingo favourite of mine).

It was only yesterday that I had to deal with the typical email from client services around a client campaign “at play” when I returned with this:

“Hi,

Let’s run this up the flagpole with the wider team. There’s a bigger question here around the creative strategy of the campaign and I believe a thought shower in room 002 will help us thrash out some really agile and holistic ideas for the client.

Regards,

Jack”

Notice I threw in ‘holistic’ there too — another buzzword that management love. Short, succinct, inviting collaboration, solution focused and delegating responsibility; all signs of a modern day leader.

Screw Management Talk.

The question is — where does it stop? As we develop as human beings, our personalities change, we mature, we become more socially aware, more attentive, empathetic and forward-thinking in our vision of this world and this impacts how we interact and reside within it. It’s why I feel you have to fight management talk with management talk; you cannot disregard it, neglect it and refuse to use it, otherwise you’re regarding as ‘junior’, less-involved and lacking in effective communication skills.

Unless that’s your goal and you’re happy to hit a career peak and not go beyond it, the unfortunate truth is that you need management speak just as much as you don’t want it.