Me: *plants flowers and makes sure they have everything and being taken care of, a week later they’re all dead.*

Them: Why can’t you grow a garden? You’re a natural healer and empath!!

Me: I guess I’m not a green thumb

*what I actually want to say* you know, I can’t help that I’m a psychic vampire, and I suck the life force out of everything I touch, no matter how careful I am.

Me: Maybe I’ll try a rock garden…

*can’t kill rocks, right?*

Them: Maybe you’ll learn.

Me: I hope so

*whatever*