Parents, have you ever imagined your child masturbating? Do you worry what they do when your back is turned? Do you fear that they will fall into the grip of Satan?

Worry no more! Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross®! Designed by STOP Masturbation NOW engineers, this wondrous restraining device allows you to go about your day without the nagging suspicion that your offspring are treating their bodies like some kind of perverted amusement park.

Now discounted at $199.99, this miracle of modern Christian science is available at www.stopmasturbationnow.org

One size fits all, appropriate for children ages 5-16.

Praise!