There are many Brexit realities – not that you would know from the way that the government avoids addressing them. One that stands out is the speed at which goalposts are moved, and new demands are made by hardline Brexiters. Every move, every new demand more reckless and harmful than the last.

The lure to push for more and more has become the Brexit hardliners’ raison d’être. Whatever we may once have considered as common understandings in British political culture and public debate has been eroded by lies and impossible demands that translate into click-bait headlines, distracting from the real issues.

The treatment of EU citizens like myself in the UK, and by extension our British friends in continental Europe, remains such an issue. While the prime minister, ministers and other Tory politicians go to great lengths to say that our rights are now secure, our Brexit reality is very different: none of the agreements made in December are binding, and many questions are unresolved. Repeating and upholding the lie that we are now safe has devastating effects for us because it makes it even harder to continue to fight for our future in the UK.

More often than not, we are now simply perceived as moaning, taking part, as I recently read in a Facebook comment, in a “pity party”. This is an insulting misinterpretation of the truth: we remain in limbo, unsure of where any final deal will leave us. Even the settled status advocated by the government is designed to take rights away from those of us who plan to stay. The choice we are looking at is this: apply for settled status and lose rights; or get in trouble. And that when we all came here in good faith.

EU citizens are only Brexit collateral now; that that has not translated into more sustained public solidarity with us will forever remain the most heartbreaking Brexit reality. As the football journalist Philippe Auclair so aptly noted recently: “Our fate is discussed daily. But what strikes me the most is how apathetic the general public – including many so-called remainers – tend to be when it comes to us.”

There is no debate: questions to do with freedom of movement and migration continue to be swept under the carpet

It is partly because of this apathy that Brexiters got away so easily last week when they celebrated the fall in net annual migration of EU nationals to the UK shown in new data from the Office for National Statistics. Our departure was cheered despite clear evidence of the negative effects, especially for the NHS. This cheering might be a new low, but it is no surprise. It just serves to highlight that whatever we EU citizens do, even when we leave, remains the central subject of discussion.

Yet despite that, we still have no real voice in debates – in fact there is no debate: questions to do with freedom of movement and migration continue to be swept under the carpet. “Keep ignoring and carry on” is the mantra, and it should concern everyone who supports a pro-EU future for the UK. Not just because of the issue of citizens’ rights in itself, nor because it is a red line for the EU, but because there can be no doubt that freedom of movement and migration were the defining issues during the EU referendum campaign, and that has not changed. Hate-filled front page after hate-filled front page, TV debate after TV debate: we are still everywhere. Talked about, but rarely part of the discussion.

By continuing to ignore that, those who hope to change the mind of the nation over Brexit are failing to address the main issue that got the UK to where it is now in the first place. The big pro-EU campaign groups put out welcoming words, but their actions tell a much more mixed story, a story that will not help change minds on the critical issue of EU immigration. Open Britain, for example, wants to “mend” freedom of movement, thereby implying that it is a problem in its current form.

Meanwhile, a number of other bigger campaign groups and initiatives choose to simply pass the buck. When I wrote to some of them recently asking whether they would consider facilitating a progressive debate on freedom of movement and its benefits to the UK, the answer from them all was along the lines of: “Other pro-EU groups can raise this. Sorry.”

I am sorry. For the final Brexit reality is this: if those who support the UK remaining in the EU continue to avoid a progressive debate on why freedom of movement is good for the UK, nothing will change.

• Tanja Bueltmann is a professor in history at Northumbria University