Coming soon to a pornographic film near you!

In an effort to promote the Internet’s “healthy” development in China, the Chinese government is banning online video and audio content that contains violent, pornographic or fake material.

The rules, revealed last year, makes it clear that sites that offer various audio and video streaming service should be run by “state-invested bodies”.

Last week, the ministry commented on the rules: “The Internet in China is developing very rapidly, and there are already more than 200 million users. It is everyone’s common aspiration to have a good Internet environment.”

China’s government has used such censoring tactics to avoid creating social discontent before, often blocking access to certain sites on the Internet where dissent may happen.

In an exclusive for TNC, we contacted the Ministry of Censorship and asked them to go into more detail about the censorship surrounding pornography.

“We believe that the explicit material currently offered on the Internet does not align with the wishes of the entire Chinese population,” began the statement they gave our journalist, “and as such, we will be blocking access to these sites.

“However, we realise the important role that pornography plays in our society – namely that if a Chinese male is watching pornography, he is not having intercourse with another person, thus helping to alleviate the great overpopulation problem that our great country faces.

“So for that reason, we will be providing state-sponsored sexually explicit material that is beneficial for our nation. For example, all scenes in such films will be required to have a Chinese flag somewhere in the background.

“Also, when a woman reaches climax during the process of sexual intercourse, she will be required to scream out the name of our great President Hu Jintao.”

The ministry also had much to say about the stories that are used in the new films:

“In our research of the current material available, we have discovered that most plot points in said pornography are immoral. There will be no muscle-bound pool-man visiting a lonely housewife in our state-sponsored versions, as this blatant adultery is not considered appropriate. Instead, morally acceptable stories, such as a wife showing her appreciation of her husband’s new promotion, will be used.”

But when asked about what type of soundtrack would be provided for the government-made pornography, the ministry gave us a short response: “The music will not change. ‘Boom chicka wah wah’ is morally acceptable.”

[Via Reuters]