From Helen

Margaret, the more Republicans I meet, the more I like my dog. Just once I would like to see a politician with an ass too small to fit his own head. It has been a rough few weeks sitting back trying to get my rest and stay out of politics, but honestly, there seems to be no end to this madness and I once again find myself not able to keep my mouth shut. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Let me count the new ways the Republicans found to wear their ass for a hat…

One. I heard a Congressman from Texas today say that Obamacare was forcing hard-working, middle class families to purchase health insurance they don’t need. Now there is a congressman who has definitely put his head in a place where the sun doesn’t shine. Show me someone who doesn’t need health insurance and I’ll show you the second coming of Jesus. And for the record, it’s called the Affordable Care Act because before it was passed, healthcare was no longer affordable for most Americans. Do these Tea Party asshats really take us for fools?

Two. We are a country that blindly followed Bush’s codpiece into “preventive” war not once but twice. Now a bunch of children get gassed to death by a dictator and we are suddenly too weary for war. Really? Republicans too weary for war. Sounds to me that they are too weary for a black commander-in-chief. Oh dear me. Did I say that out loud? God forbid someone suggest that Republicans are racists. He’s a Muslim from Kenya with a fake birth certificate…short version: he’s black.

Three. Not crazy enough for you? How about thinking the answer to gun violence is more guns? We’re up to what, about one mass shooting a month now? It sure seems like there are plenty of guns to go around. How about we try a different approach like asking ourselves why we need more guns than actual people in this country. Are there really that many deer to hunt? And something tells me if the British are coming again, it’s not with muskets. One thing is for sure: Guns don’t kill people… but they make it a hell of a lot easier.

Four. Oh but for the love of God if Texas wasn’t dealing with enough crazy already with Rick Perry, we now have to deal with Ted Cruz. Now here’s a guy who talks in circles so effectively, it’s no wonder his head eventually ran into his ass. In an effort to show off his grasp of the situation, he had to go and bring Dr. Seuss into the mix. For the record Senator Cruz, the moral of Green Eggs and Ham is to try something new… you might like it. For example, 40 million people might actually like having access to healthcare. Cruz staged his ridiculous talk-a-thon against cutting off debate only to then turn around and join 99 other senators in voting to cut off the debate. He’s no Wendy Davis. That’s for sure. But exactly what should we expect from a man who said, “We need 100 more like Jesse Helms in the U.S. Senate.” If brains were leather, Cruz wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.

I could go on, but must I really? Let me sum it up for you. Now that the government is closed, will hard-working, middle class federal employees get paid? No. Will Congressmen get paid? Yep. They’ll continue to get their $174,000 a year, and they will have health insurance as well. Asshats everywhere. I mean it. Really.

From Margaret

Helen dear, you would think their heads would be too big. Then again, thinking doesn’t seem to work in this situation. I wonder which part they hate more – the Obama or the Care?

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