

I was in a committed relationship with two people — and then I got pregnant.



By Lizzy Leis



The night I found out I was going to be a mom I sat down next to my husband Kevin, clutching the pregnancy test in one hand and holding his hand with the other, the three minutes waiting for the test results felt like forever....



As the test turned from the little hourglass into a sign that read ‘Pregnant: 1-2 Weeks’ I looked at my husband and began to cry.... I was happy. With his next breath he said, “I can’t wait to tell Sarah.” And in that instance I knew I had the perfect partners to start a family with. Sarah is my girlfriend and together she, Kevin, and I were about to begin a new journey as we started our family.



...From the moment I met my husband through our mutual friends, he and I spoke about how I’ve never really believed in committing myself to one man or one woman for the rest of my life. I was upfront from the start that I am polyamorous and he accepted me for all that I am.



...I had been with Kevin for just about three years when Sarah came into our lives, and having them meet one another early on was a big deal for all three of us....



There are so many different meanings of the word “family,” just as there are so many ways to define love. For me love is seeing Sarah laugh as she dances around the kitchen. Love is seeing the passion in Kevin’s eyes as he tells me about his day at work. Love is waking up and seeing the smile on our daughter’s face first thing in the morning. Love, in all of it’s forms, is my little family. In our own perfectly imperfect, boundary pushing, weird, goofy, and unique way, we have created our own definition of love. And it only gets better from here.



Lizzie Leis is a 26 year old woman working in the Human Services field by day and singing in the rock band Project Alice by night. She lives with her husband, girlfriend, and daughter in a suburb outside of Worcester, MA.







An Interview with A, on Parenting While Polyamorous



This good friend of mine, called A here to be Anonymous, and I, we had babies around the same time, a couple of years ago. Incidentally, she practices polyamory, which was true before and after the baby situation....



My marriage is closed (for the record) and hers is actively, happily open. She is like success academy poly....



A: My high school boyfriend and I talked about becoming a “tripod” relationship, but it never came to pass. From that age, I had heard about it, it made sense to me. Whenever I am in love, I don’t stop having crushes. I don’t stop being in love with other people. The more I am in love with my partner, the more open I am to love generally. The more my feelings for my current partner would intensify, the more attracted I would become to other people....



MUTHA: Was it because you felt more desired and desirable?



A: It was less eros and more agape. The bliss of love, of being totally enthralled with someone, made everything beautiful, not just people — I would walk through the grass thinking how the city I lived in was beautiful. It was the lens that I saw the world through....



...Our rule list is short: if you are feeling uncomfortable or jealous, you are required to mention it to the other partner. We are required to check in with each other before engaging with intercourse with a new person (but not other things). Oh, and always practice safe sex. And be good to each other. Accept each others’ negative emotions and work towards compromise....



...MUTHA: And you live in a community house, and it happens to include other poly couples.



A: ...Now we all have kids. I don’t think we’ll ever host another sex party here; at least until the kids grow up. Because that would be inappropriate....



...MUTHA: So the fact that you live in a communal house is coincidental to you also being poly — but I’d love to hear more about the benefits of communal living.



A: Around parenting, it’s kind of amazing. We use the house like a family — we share all the food, tools, cars (not formally, I still own my car, but we share through informal key drawers/text messaging and google docs… we have a ridiculous number of google docs). We have monthly house meetings and discuss maintenance. We have a cooking rotation. My husband and I cook on Monday and get a home-cooked meal every other night of the week, except Saturday, though often Saturday we all get together, too. Sunday nights, we try to all make it for a house dinner together. Add child-rearing to that – my son has several adults in the house who he trusts, who know him, who can pick him up if he needs.



When my husband went back to work, I can’t imagine how I would have coped without my housemates. How could I have taken a shower? I was able to ask someone I trusted, who lived with me, to hold him for twenty minutes.



I’m watching all the children in the house grow up well socialized, familiar talking to adults. Communal living is open, sharing, warm, and it feels good raising children in this atmosphere. More love equals better parenting....





Two related stories coincidentally popped up in the last few hours.First, here's a triad's adorable pregnancy-and-birth story, 2,400 words long, at HelloGiggles — amagazine spinoff "covering the latest in culture, female empowerment, style, relationships, friendship, careers, and issues that matter most to young women’s lives": The whole story (November 4, 2015).It's now featured on the homepage of Yahoo.com And now in the U.K.'s Daily Mail ------------------------------The second is at MuthaMagazine, "exploring real-life motherhood, from every angle, at every stage":Read the whole story (Nov. 4).

Labels: poly parenting, triad