NEW YORK—Offering young acne sufferers the means to clear up their skin in nonjudgmental privacy, a new AcneFree treatment unveiled Friday will ship teens to a remote island colony for the remainder of puberty. “We’re excited to provide pimpled teenagers with the opportunity to spend their adolescence ridding themselves of their acne on a secluded island,” said spokesperson Julian Shepherd, adding that for just $25.99, teens can sequester themselves from the embarrassment of mainland life until their condition has been fully alleviated. “While other treatments dry out your skin, the saltwater air of our tropical colony will rejuvenate your face each and every day. It doesn’t matter if you have cystic acne or a few breakouts—fresher, healthier skin is only a Cessna flight away.” Shepherd went on to say that any patient who reached the age of 20 and still had lingering blackheads would be flown back home free of charge.

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