It’s White Privilege Week! What are you doing to celebrate?

Twitter started off a day early by forcing the tag #MyWhitePrivilege to trend.

As the multitude of links in this thread from Everything Oppresses prove (and this one; regular readers will recognize most of them), there is no force as potent in the universe as White Men. All want to be like us and have what we have. Yet all fear us and hate us. Why? Because we control everything. We have the power, in every institution, in every hallway, in every situation. Things happen because we will it, and for no other reason.

How do we wield this majestic force? Not directly: not by contact. By our presence.

God Himself, the most powerful and privileged among All and Creator of All, must therefore be a white man. Just look at the pictures!

As part of the White Male Privilege Week festivities, those who are non-white should refrain from commenting. This includes honorary non-white men.

The reason for this proscription is obvious. White men have the power to deny the existence of non-white-males. By restraining comments from non-whites, we make this power actual.

This may seem like a bad thing. It’s the opposite! This is the best gift we can give to the benighted people unfortunate enough not to have been born white and male.

As this sage article well argues, a new culture has developed in the West. That of The Victim. Victimhood denotes top status, appeal, self-worth, meaning “in much the same way that being recognized for bravery did in honor cultures.” There is no person as privileged as The Victim—after granting white men unimpeachable all-time First Place, of course.

Everybody wants to be a Victim; everybody longs for Victimhood. Except white men, of course. We are Victim makers.

Consider: If there is nothing better than being a Victim, and if white men have the power to do all bad things, it is the job of the white man to provide this victimhood to oppressed non-white-men everywhere. It is our sacred duty.

And, fellow white men, I must tell you, in brutal honesty, that most of us have been failing in this duty.

Yes. There are not nearly enough true Victims. Where is our sense of noblesse oblige!?

What we have now is a mere shadow of Victimhood. We have sad fat pimply purple-haired ladies, scrawny soyboy sodomites of color, skank spoiled rich (but non-white) writers for major newspapers, latinx flared-nostril wild-eyed boyfriendless cat ladies, and many more running around claiming to have suffered microaggressions from white males.

White Men: microaggressions? Is that the best we can do? It takes one million microaggressions to equal one true aggression. Yet it only takes one true aggression to make a Victim-For-Life. We are White Men! Let us call upon the power that has been granted us and have pity on the lesser sex and races! Our subjects cry out for real aggressions. Not these namby-pamby fictional fantasies non-whites are forced to cook up in their understandable quest for noble Victimhood.

We’re letting our side down, men. Social justice is moving off campus and to every facet of life. Look for it at your employer soon, if it’s not already there. The need for new Victims will only increase. If we do not get on this right away, there will not be enough Victims to go around—especially considering the number of non-white men being allowed into the country. Why, it will soon only be a handful of us white men left. And we’ll still be expected to make Victims of everybody else.

The solution to this crisis is to make true Victims of the victim wannabes.

Since true Victimhood is the goal and desire of every right thinking person, the more folks we can put into the Victim camp using our awesome white male powers, the more they will recognize our true gifts. Thus the more they will thank us. The more they will love us.

Come, white men. Celebrate White Male Privilege Week in the way it was meant to be.

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