Wall of text ahead. Just brain stewing.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on motivation, goals, life in general, and this blog. That last point is pretty important as I really want to flesh out the role this thing will be playing in the whole “Operation: Figure Shit Out” (not the most creative name, but it works). As it stands now, it’s really been nothing more than a public workout log. This, as it was the current iteration, didn’t work out too well. It’s the middle of August. I am 217lbs currently. No weight lost, probably some gained. This is my fault. Solely my fault. I haven’t been hitting the gym as hard or as frequently as I should be. Life has gotten busy and I’ve been using it as an excuse to eat like shit and put off working out. This is me owning up to it.

As far as the giving up all video games goes, that’s not going to happen. A negative goal like that (“Do this or else”) doesn’t work and would make me miserable. I will be slimming down on what I got though, putting some stuff in boxes and keeping them there for a while.

So what do I take from this?

I am human. I make mistakes. It’s a big deal, yeah, but it happens. There is no time like the present to fix this. So I will do everything in my power to grow and learn from this. I will continue my goals, and one day will meet them.

Where to now?

Well that’s the real question isn’t it? I’ve kinda boiled it down to two questions.

What kind of man do I want to be? Where am I in 5 years?

The first question is a hard one. I can’t be the only one to ask this of themselves (replace man with woman and so on). The question was really a response to another question: “What will it take for me to be proud of myself?” Which was a response to: “Why am I not happy with who I am?” and so on.

I’ve been thinking of an answer to this question for MONTHS. I mean, there’s the obvious: I want to be loving, caring, honest, sincere, happy, etc. These really just describe emotions more than anything else. Honesty is the biggest one for me. It’s extremely easy for me to be honest with other people, I’ve never had a problem there, but I can lie to myself like no one else. So I have to be honest with myself, great! What next?

I want children eventually, what kind of father do I want to be? Well I want to be strong! I want to be caring! I want to be there for my kids! Pretty normal stuff right? Well, I want to be brave too. I want to stand up for injustices! I want to speak my mind and say hard truths when they need to be! How does this fit with father hood? How does it fit to me? This continuous stream of consciousness, this idea of the ideal person just leads to more ideas, a bigger and broader picture, and most importantly: more questions! I’ll just be continuing to try and work that out I guess.

So now for the other, “Where am I in 5 years?” This one is easier to answer, it’s a dream. It’s just picture a scene and go for it. Well, in 5 years I will be 29 years old. Wow, I will be almost out of my 20’s! I totally want to be starting my family by then (if not then by 30)! I see myself hopefully married to a wonderful woman. I see myself working a job I love and living in a place I enjoy. I see myself driving the same Honda I have now (probably recently paid off too). I see pictures on the fridge from places I’ve traveled to. I see myself running at least 3 miles a day and able to lift my own body weight with ease. I see myself happy.

So, what do I do to get there?

I don’t have all of it planned out, but there are some things necessary for this.

I have to get healthy! I want to be strong and that will require discipline. I want a family. This means I will have to get out there, socialize, and hopefully find the woman of my dreams. I have to figure out a work plan and design around it. I have to save up and just travel to places I’ve never been.

Nothing to specific for now I guess, but there we go.

Where does this leave the blog?

I have no idea. Really, this thing may stay a work out log. This may turn into a daily/weekly/monthly/whatever journal. Who knows. I just want to thank you for reading and I will keep updating as I can.