This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never

become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bi*ching about what a**holes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.

This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male

population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give

them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when

you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two

sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she

shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing

spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically

linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world.

And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more

disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should.

And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have

observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other

schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls

are just illogical, manipulative bitches. (AMEN TO THAT!!!!!)

Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.”

Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in

the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom.

I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You

know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as

ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience

in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting

services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy,

insane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the

faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved

vindication is coming.

———————————————

“What Happened to All the Nice Guys?”

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I

thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t

figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy

pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you

when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were f*cking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little

puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay

attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crushon you.

Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you

vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your

position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t

your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too

poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the

things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time

pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the

boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was,

admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the

boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a

good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having

tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and

douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without

reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life.

He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted

to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a

Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five

months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to

realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the

boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some

money, and generally acted like more of an a**hole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection

of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of

“nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted

them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives,

if that.

So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.

2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.

3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab hold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy,

but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your

infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice

guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there

looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact

that you’ve fu*ked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to

excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and

he certainly doesn’t f*cking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

PS: I picked this blog from reddit. Efforts to trace the real author have been in vain. But I will restate, that it is not my original work.