Attention, Guardsmen!

We have some excellent news. While we understand you were on your way to perform supply and ordnance security detail on the garden world of Bucolia IX, your entire regiment has been reassigned following Inquisitorial request. We ask that you assist Inquisitor Castiel with his duties to the best of your ability.

Newer or slower Guardsmen may be unfamiliar with the works of the Inquisition, and thus we have provided a short guide to the most significant of the ordos to bring you up to date.

The Ordo Hereticus

The Ordo Hereticus is among the most pious factions of the Inquisition. While the Astra Militarum and the Adeptus Astartes defend the Imperium from threats without, the Ordo Hereticus selflessly keep it safe from threats from within, ensuring superb mental hygiene among citizens. Rest assured, Guardsmen, that while you may have never met a member of the Ordo Hereticus, they are watching and waiting for you to slip, a reassuring presence to constantly keep you from the path of improper conduct.

The Ordo Xenos

Endless is the perfidy of the enemies of Mankind, the Ordo Xenos is always on hand to find exciting new ways to purge the alien. You have agents of the Ordo Xenos to thank for such innovations as your guide to close combat against Orks and inspiring pamphlets like “Democracy – anti-human invention of the vile T’au… or something worse?”.

The Ordo Malleus

The Ordo Malleus deals with the relatively minor threats that emerge from the Immaterium from time to time. You should not concern yourself with their business. You should do exactly what they tell you when you are asked. After engagements with the Ordo Malleus, you may find several of your colleagues are absent from your regiment. Worry not, Guardsmen – these brave men and women are merely enjoying a new life as Imperial Acolytes and you should not concern yourself with their future.

The Ordo Scriptorum

The bureaucracy of the Imperium is like a well-oiled machine – and, like any machine, it is incomprehensible to ordinary humans, deserves constant reverence and attention, and is a thing to be deeply feared by the likes of you. It is the job of the Ordo Scriptorum to hurry the stately progress of particularly important paperwork through the Administratum in times of great strife. Please note that they will not intercede to ensure your family receives sentimental and personal communiques in a more timely fashion.*

The Ordo Chronos

The Ordo Chronos does not exist. If you find yourself in a causality where the Ordo Chronos do exist, simply carry on with your business as usual until quantum destabilisation resolves itself. During this time we would advise you avoid killing your grandfather, unless he harbours heretical beliefs, in which case we would recommend exterminating him with extreme prejudice regardless of potential paradox.

There you have it, Guardsmen – you’ll never mix up your ordos again. As for Inquisitor Castiel himself, we currently do not know which ordo he belongs to, other than that he describes himself as “an ultra-radical Horusian”, which we presume indicates his religious fervour in his hatred of the Arch-traitor. Inspiring indeed! We hope you enjoy what is sure to be an exciting and fulfilling opportunity.

++ Thought for the Day: ‘Belligerence allied to faith can move a mountain’ ++

*Indeed, in order to drive efficiency, your Confirmation of Death In Combat has already been sent to your family, on the basis that by the time it arrives it will probably be valid. Confirmation of Death Due to Excessive Cowardice reports have also been sent out based on your psychological assessment results. Any letters you send to your next of kin will likely arrive after these and cause unnecessary distress and confusion to your loved ones.

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