Throwwwwaway29/Reddit

We are all data hounds now.

Technology has made it an essential part of the human condition that we look at the numbers and there see the truth.

It must be, therefore, that a husband who was unhappy with the paucity of sex in his life was merely being human in sending his wife a spreadsheet. At least this is what she claimed on Reddit.

Using the nomenclature throwwwwaway29, she spread the spreadsheet out for the world to see. Its sheer normality might make it a deeply disturbing document for some.

Accompanying the post, the wife offered this explanation: "Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone."

The spreadsheet offered mostly quotes of her alleged denial of conjugal congress.

On several instances, the wife allegedly felt "gross" and sometimes "sweaty." Excess eating was blamed a couple of times. Tiredness and, of course, the urgent need to watch a show reared their pretty heads.

Many might feel this offers a realistic portrayal of married life's tribulations. It might also offer a depiction of a marriage in freefall.

But, having never been married, I am a person of much sunnier disposition. I seek the joy in the data, even if it only seems to scream despair.

So I look at this spreadsheet and see hope in the vacuum. There are three instances in which carnal bliss was achieved. The spreadsheet offers extreme imbalance by not presenting any quotes that might have embroidered those three occasions.

Perhaps the wife mused: "Oh, darling. Your goitre is pointing east. This is a sign. Kiss me."

She might also have whispered: "My sweet, your nasal hair is peculiarly under control today. Let's celebrate."

And what if she had, on June 27, looked him in the eyes and said: "You've lost weight. Put on my dress."?

The problem with love, and with so many other joys, is that we expect too much of it.

What's important about this data isn't the long list of alleged denials. It's the three instances when passion won out.

Without that information, this spreadsheet, like so many others, is essentially useless.