The Story

This was part of a discussion I had recently.

Lets take a hypothetical scenario:

A woman dresses up for a night out. She selects a gorgeous dress which is very low-cut in back. She exercises regularly and her back is toned and muscular. The dress is bedecked with sequins which catch the light and draw the eye to her figure. It is a tight-fitting dress and her ample bosom is contoured and accentuated by the cut and form of the dress. She applies makeup and creates a look with dark eye-shadow that creates a smokey “come hither” look. Her lips are painted a ruby hue which complement the pristine complexion and tanned hue of her skin. Every detail of her appearance is optimized to showcase her beauty and attract the attention of men that she will encounter. This is how she looks:

She goes out on the town. She stops at an upscale bar and orders a few drinks. A handsome man approaches her and they share an evening of revelry, drink and mutual attraction. It looks something like this.

She accepts an invitation to his apartment. As they talk in the apartment, she entertains the possibility of a sexual encounter with him. She steps into the bathroom and removes her dress and changes into a negligée she brought along. She remembers that she had not missed any of her birth control medication and had brought condoms just in case. She is about to consent to sex – but then she decides – NO. For some reason – any reason – she decides that she doesn’t want to have sex with this man right now. She continues to hug and to kiss him, but tells him “I really like you, but I am not ready for sexual intercourse” and repeatedly tells him “No” when he presses – and she attempts to withdraw.

He changes his demeanor dramatically. He becomes more forceful and ultimately overpowers her and penetrates her against her will – all the while telling her “you know you want it” – It is sexual assault. Rape. When he releases her, she gathers her things and leaves.

The next day she is reeling from the violation of her person. She considers her options.

It is here that we consider two alternate scenarios for this rape victim.

Scenario A

One is a woman who is raised in a culture in which there is a strong message of modesty and chastity. She is Mormon and a student at BYU.

She recalls the evening and remembers that she herself chose to dress in an alluring and revealing way. It was a violation of modesty, which is the safeguard of virtue and chastity. She herself violated these standards. She concludes that she carries some blame.

She remembers that she had been taught that the Holy Ghost withdraws when she enters unsavory places like a bar or if she were to stay out with a man past midnight. She herself chose to do those things and so she has paid the price of her choices. She is responsible.

She remembers that even though she ultimately decided not to go through with it, she had made plans to include birth control, condoms and lingerie. She remembered that she was accountable for both her thoughts and her actions. She bore some of the guilt for having entertains such unchaste thoughts.

She thinks to her self that she had led this man on and her dress, her sexual innuendos, her foreplay all drove him to a point where he couldn’t resist taking her. She blames herself for leading him on.

She remembers that while she is free to make her own choices – she is not free to choose the consequences for those choices. Since she chose to violate the standards of modesty, then she accepts the idea that her attack was a deserved consequence. She accepts guilt and blame for it.

She remembers that she had been taught that since it was better to lose one’s life than to lose one’s virtue, that unless she had physically resisted to the point of death – she did not do everything in her power to retain her chastity.

She remembered that if she reported this rape, then they would want to know how she got to his apartment, where they were before hand, how she got dressed in lingerie – those details would come out, she feared, and since she was a student at BYU and depended upon being in good standing with the honor code – any of those details reported to the Honor Code Office could place a hold on her standing in school. She might lose all the work she had put into her education.

She considers all of these things and ultimately decides not to report the sexual assault or to seek therapy. Two tragic things happen – She lives with the pain and trauma of being violated and places a significant portion of the blame upon herself, believing she is in need of repentance. A violent sexual offender is not held accountable and remains free to victimize other women.

Scenario B

The second scenario is a woman who is raised in a culture which understand that men own complete accountability for their actions and that consent is essential for any sexual intercourse.

She remembers that she wore a revealing and sexy dress and it never even occurs to her that this has anything to do with her being raped. Her personal virtue and chastity are not in any way a part of the equation as the victim of a sexual assault.

She remembers that she met him at a bar and went home late with him and thinks to herself, that did not justify any forced sexual act. Unlike the Holy Ghost, the requirement of consent is there no matter where or when she finds herself with a partner. His attack on her was the result of his disregard for her person and her consent – not a justified action resulting from the late hour.

She remembered that she had made plans to include birth control and protection and lingerie and thought to herself, that is what any responsible woman would do, but having made those preparations does not constitute consent.

She remembered that her alluring dress, sexual banter, and foreplay all may have aroused this man, but that consent may be withdrawn at any point and his forcing her after consent is withdrawn is a criminal act. He is solely and completely responsible for how he responds once consent is withdrawn. She does not carry guilt for his violent assault on her person.

She doesn’t even consider the idea that she has any guilt for not physically resisting a sexual assault. The guilt lies entirely with the violent attacker. The imbalance of power, the psychological shock, paralyzing fear and any other number of factors may incapacitate a victim and holding a victim to blame for not offering up a vigorous physical resistance is to turn the tables and blame the victim for the crime.

She remembered that she attended a school which holds criminals accountable for their actions and does not attempt to place blame upon the victims or penalize or terminate their academic standing for being the victim of such a crime.

She considers all of these things and decides to report the assault and seek professional assistance for dealing with the trauma of the attack. She finds healing and the perpetrator is held accountable for his actions.

Conclusion

When you are raised in a culture which obfuscates issues of sexual morality with notions of modesty and chastity, then it is possible that the key moral principle can be lost in the process. That is the issue of consent.

Consent: A voluntary, mutually understandable agreement that clearly indicates a willingness to engage in each instance of sexual activity. Consent to one act does not imply consent to another. Past consent does not imply future consent. Consent to engage in sexual activity with one person does not imply consent to engage in sexual activity with another. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Any expression of an unwillingness to engage in any instance of sexual activity establishes a presumptive lack of consent. Refusal, lack of consent, or non-consent may be expressed in many ways, verbally or physically. Physical resistance is not necessary to communicate a lack of consent. It is not necessary to resist physically or express verbally to indicate a lack of consent. It is the responsibility of the initiator of the sexual activity to obtain effective consent. Consent is not effective if it results from: (a) the use of physical force (b) a threat of physical force (c) intimidation (d) coercion (e) incapacitation (f) any other factor that would eliminate an individual’s ability to exercise his or her own free will to choose whether or not to have sexual activity. A current or previous dating or sexual relationship, by itself, is not sufficient to constitute consent. Even in the context of a relationship, there must be a voluntary, mutually understandable agreement that clearly indicates a willingness to engage in each instance of sexual activity.

A voluntary, mutually understandable agreement that clearly indicates a willingness to engage in each instance of sexual activity.

I have discussed these issues with an LDS woman previously who then had the epiphany that she herself had been the victim of rape, but had not previously understood that to be the case because she didn’t realize the centrality of the key principle of consent. When you feel that you bear responsibility for a sexual assault because of your dress or because of a particular sequence of events and you don’t understand how consent is the only consideration that matters – then you are setup to blame yourself for being victimized and carry the weight of that toxic aberration of accountability your whole life.

Combine this with an honor code which clouds the issue by leveraging considerations of academic standing with violations of things other than actual academic integrity. To illustrate, let’s take a look at the top ten university Honor Codes

Each of these institutions also have policies for dealing with criminal behavior such as sexual assault, harassment, exploitation, physical assault and other criminal behaviors. What they do not do however is to make non-criminal activities have any bearing on an individuals academic standing. As such the potential repercussions of reporting a rape on the victims own academic standing are a non-issue. If a student is assaulted, they have no potential punitive academic repercussions for reporting the crime.

It should be mentioned that the issue of reporting rape takes many complex considerations in the mind of the victim, beyond those described here. The purpose of this exercise is to isolate the messages about modesty, chastity, and agency as taught by the church and to see how they affect the victims view of themselves. Add this to all the other complex factors that victims face and it can significantly complicate and exacerbate an already traumatic experience.

Finally, it should be kept in mind that one need not be a student at BYU to have the same forces affect their choices. Each ward in Mormonism has its own sort of Honor Code. The loss of standing in the ward that goes along with things like probation, disfellowshipping and excommunication can be just as conflicting in the mind of someone who is the victim of a sexual assault committed in the context of “immodest” or “unchaste” circumstances. The church has made progress in undoing the toxic teachings and policies of years past, but until it starts to actually teach essential moral considerations, such as consent, without clouding the issue with modesty and the conflation of chastity and virtue, then the incentives will remain for victims to remain silent, to blame themselves and for the perpetrators to continue.