



Some things are unforgivable: my father started using his belt on me when I was six years old; I guess the criticizing, put-downs and yelling were not enough.





What he did to me and my brothers was unforgivable. And he does not get to just walk away and leave us with the aftermath!





But Mom pushed me into a religious upbringing, which meant that I should forgive him.





So I did.





A few minutes later, I was just as angry (hurt and sad), and just as nervous, needy and distant when Dad was around. So I kept trying:

* Here and there, over the years, I yelled or whispered I forgive you;

* On New Year’s Eve, I wrote out my pain and then burned the paper – 2 years in a row;





* I even wrote him a letter (rewriting it five times to edit out the blame);





* And NOTHING changed (which is another way of saying that good-old Dad continued to hurt me).

Locked in the Past





Forgiveness has little to do with those that hurt us and everything to do with freeing ourselves.





It is true, some things are unforgivable, but without forgiveness,





we stay glued to the pain of our past.





I did finally realize that every act of forgiveness frees us a bit more, but forgiving just once, or once in awhile, has little overall effect on our lives.





The keys to freedom are consistency and persistence, and these 6 ideas can help:





1. Stop telling your story (about how awful it was): stop telling it to others; stop telling it to yourself.





And for self-forgiveness, stop telling yourself what an awful person you are or stop asking How could I (have done that)? or stop rationalizing about why it was not your fault.





Gently stop the words each time they come up. All of them.





2. Release the pain.





After stopping the words, you will still be feeling the negative emotion. Release it by letting it pass through you. Instead of a doing or thinking about something else, take a moment to feel it.

And each time you do, you will release that much more - forever.

3. Set Boundaries: If the person who hurt you is still in your life, stop showing them your resentment &/or stop trying to make them feel badly. Instead, set up a barrier of distant friendliness.

Note - many culprits hate seeing us suddenly unaffected by them, as we live our lives, our way.





4. Speed the process by wishing them a good life. What!?

I know; I know. It is difficult to even think about wishing them well, but each time you do, you soften your own resistance to forgiving them.





And less resistance means sooner freedom for you.





5. Expand your life, so that when thoughts of the offender come to mind, you are out in the world following your interests, pursuing your dreams and living as if they had never hurt you.





6. And finally, listen for the signals. The tendency to tell your story is a signal; the negative thoughts/feelings that come up are also signals. Use them as reminders to stop the words, as you relax and feel, to wish them a good life and to take more positive action in your own life.





Using these signals brings us persistence and consistency. And remember, every act, every thought and every word of forgiveness releases us that much (even when it does not feel that way).





NOTES: For #2 above, the negative emotion will release even faster if you breathe out the tension in your body, as you feel it.





It is the same for self-forgiveness. Release the tension as you let the regrets, remorse and guilt pass through you and out.





And if you find yourself drowning in a negative emotion, see this link to get rid of it even faster:

Release the Negative: 2 Powerful Techniques









How to Really Not Care What People Think





So many people say "I don't care what they think (about me) but then become upset at the smallest of judgements/criticism. Reaching the point of really not caring is a simple process, and it goes like this:





OR

All She Ever Wanted Was...

Free





Her: She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—

I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?”

Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.

Him: Free Insights





His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.





I asked him, “If there was one person on the planet holding you back, who would it be?”

He immediately said, “My Mother.”

She was giving him money to keep his business afloat.

She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments. ​

His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"





Him & Her: The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen; it will tend to keep prodding, motivating and pushing Him and Her into a permanent change (no resolutions needed).





And That Power is Now Yours:

Free





Either one of these 2 simple techniques can bring you a life-changing insight, one that leads to permanent change.





Both are complete (nothing held back)

Both free

And sent directly to your inbox:









How Many ?





How many people, no matter what they try, spend their lives not losing Weight, or in unfulfilling Relationships (or none), or with Money problems or a Stalled career?

But one, eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind

* Imagine seeing the present and past in an instant and knowing that it is no longer you

* Imagine taking control over that part of your life

* And imagine the relief of knowing that you are finally moving on, once and for all.





Click this link and get your free techniques now:

* Your email address is 100% secure

















For more on forgiveness, here are 2 links:

How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201409/how-do-you-forgive-even-when-it-feels-impossible-part-1

How to Forgive

https://www.thehopeline.com/how-to-forgive/

Relationships crash from emotional abuse/emotional dumping; make them soar, at this link Relationships-crash-from-emotional-abuse

The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. Here is that link: https://www.danielsperaw.com/blog/the-essence-of-personal-improvement



