Continue Reading Below Advertisement

... none of which you're likely to have learned about from your teachers in school. But weirdly enough, your teachers were probably fine with teaching you that the Venus of Willendorf was ancient erotica. Apparently, when the option is between "Ancient Women Helped Invent Medical Science" and "Look At How Old Porn Is!" academia is suddenly fine with smut.

If the Venus is indeed an obstetric aid, it might be the oldest example of a medical tool on record. Dentistry dates back to 7,000 BCE, brain surgery to 5,000 BCE. The Venus is several times older than either. And it makes sense that the birth of medical science would focus around baby-makin'. Pregnancy was pretty fucking dangerous for wild humans; it makes sense that ancient women would've wanted to track its progress to try to better understand what was going on with their own bodies.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

This is literally the oldest known ceramic anything in history. But hey, men still have the airplane and (probably) public masturbation. We asked LeRoy how he felt about the long time it's taken his theory to get its fair day in Science Court. He thought that the resistance was "bizarre," and addressed the folks who still insist on seeing the Venus as porn made by men: "... there are authors who still argue the figurines were basically some form of trophy ... and it still reflects an erotic component. I just don't particularly see that. They're nude women ... but women have other concerns besides male interest."

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Don't worry, there's plenty of ways in which sex, smut, and drugs did indeed influence human evolution. You can find them all -- and guides to recreating ancient drugs -- in my new book A Brief History of Vice.

Learn why most of the "camgirl" porn sites are actually fake in 6 Ways People Got Screwed By Websites You Use Every Day, and meet the internet's most famous scam artist in 4 Websites That Are Clearly Elaborate Pranks On Humanity.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see how naming a porno isn't as easy as you'd think in Do You Have What It Takes To Title Porn, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook, because it's at least one step up from a porn video comments section.