After 25 years, my title of Never-Been-Kissed has been revoked. I was terribly awkward and probably ruined the moment, but that was inevitable. My first kiss wouldn’t have happened any other way, and I wouldn’t want it to, either.

I’d done plenty of research in the kissing department, and opinions are split, as seen below:

I was optimistic and chose to believe the “it will come naturally” camp.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

It was weird.

For everyone who is awaiting their first kiss, whether it’s in the distant future or an upcoming possibility, here are 10 tips & insights on what to expect as told by an awkward, horribly self-aware, and inexperienced dater leaning in for her first kiss:

1. You’ll question whether or not he is leaning in for a kiss

Is he leaning close to me because he wants to hug me? Or does he really want to kiss me? How do I go in for a kiss when I don’t even know what I’m doing? Is this really happening? How do I do this??

2. His face will be closer than you can possibly fathom

You don’t understand exactly how close faces get for a kiss until you are so close you can see each pore, each beard hair on his face. To get a sense of the closeness, put your face up against a mirror. It’s that close, except with someone else’s face.

3. You may chicken out and/or get awkward and giggly

You thought you could boldly lean in to kiss him already, but his face is so close and the moment is so daunting. So, instead, you blurt something out, like “I’m so awkward” or you giggle and ruin the moment entirely (i.e. what I did).

I’m sure both parties in the kiss have a hurricane of insecurities swirling inside their minds. Whatever you do, don’t let those thoughts formulate into spoken words. Trust me.

4. You can tell him it’s your first

I understand the risks that come with telling the guy you haven’t been kissed. He might think you’re weird or that there’s something wrong with you, especially when you’ve reached the age of 25 and no guy has wanted to kiss your barnacled lips.

But those fears are more likely to be just that– fears. In reality, if a guy honestly likes you, he won’t care. He’ll want to kiss you regardless. He might even find it endearing. At the end of the day, you’ll have opened up to him about something personal and he should feel flattered that you are willing to let your guard down share your first kiss with him.

5. Any “practicing” or techniques you’ve researched won’t matter one bit

There’s no way to simulate what a kiss is really like until you’re kissing. Sorry.

6. Tongue will happen, and it’s squishy and wet

Someone else’s tongue. In your mouth. Wiggling around. This is where it gets tricky (…and let’s not talk about the fact that when he first stuck his tongue in my mouth, my reaction was to bite it out of pure shock).

It’s a strange experience, and there’s only one way to roll with it, and that’s to….

7. Don’t think about it, and whatever you do, don’t open your eyes!

Maybe the “it comes naturally” people are kind of right here. This is the point where it’s like your mouth and tongue have known what to do all along. I still have no idea how to kiss, but apparently my tongue does.

You know how when you’re up high and are told not to look down? A similar rule applies with kissing and not opening your eyes. Just let it happen and keep your eyes closed. Once you open your eyes, the illusion disappears and you realize that a guy’s tongue is in your mouth and wow is this weird.

8. There won’t be fireworks

You just connected mouths with someone and wiggled your squishy tongues against each other for a few minutes. Yeah. Movies and TV have built up a kiss like it’s some fantastic, euphoric thing. If you’re anything like me, you’ll pull away from the kiss thinking it was really weird, too.

9. Seriously, whatever you’re expecting, it won’t be that

And first kisses aren’t weird because they’re unpleasant or horrible. They’re weird because it’s a totally new experience. Even if you have no known expectations for a first kiss, it will still not be what you expect. It won’t even be the same kind of weird you might be expecting. But it’s okay. It’s much better than okay.

10 . You’ll go home thinking how strange it was, but you’ll quickly realize you want to do it again for some crazy reason

In its strange way, kissing is fantastic. I want him to run his hands through my hair. I want to suck on his lips and exchange spit (which previous to this has always disgusted me). Why? Because when you meet someone who you like and who you want to kiss (and who obviously wants to kiss you), it’s like the world freezes and everything is right.