Kristin (Virginia): Whiteness is something that I’ve been struggling with, because culturally I am white. In recognizing my own internalized oppression, its been difficult to figure out how to move forward. A lot of who I am is influenced by ‘whiteness,’ but I don’t necessarily have strong cultural ties that would make exploring Asian culture feel authentic.

Corey ( New Jersey ): As I was adopted through the Holt Agency, there was a built-in support group for families like mine: mostly Asian children and non-Asian parents. I was a little interested in the culture as a child, but as I grew older, that small interest dissipated completely, and I didn’t try to revive it. I had other friends more interested in learning Korean or Mandarin, in taking classes to learn more about the cultures of the countries where they were born, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that where I was born didn’t define me in any material way. I didn’t feel like I should feign an interest in Korea just because I was born there, when I had literally no ties to the country or culture otherwise. I don’t think that it’s wrong or weird for other adoptees to be interested in their birth countries ― I know a lot of other Korean adoptees in particular who are around my age have been going back to visit Korea ― but I also don’t think it’s wrong or weird for me to not be interested.

Kristin (Virginia): I’m interested in Korean culture but to the same extent I’m interested in other cultures in general. It doesn’t feel authentic or innate to me at this point. Growing up, my parents made an effort to connect me to my ‘Asian side,’ but I wasn’t interested. I recently heard that by 15 months children have already started identifying differences in race. At a young age I had already decided that I wanted to assimilate with those around me, which meant eschewing my ‘Asian side.’

More recently I have been thinking about traveling to South Korea. People have asked me before if I have any interest in returning and for a long time my answer was always ‘not particularly.’ However, at some point I had to self-reflect as to why I have such a strong interest in travel and experiencing new places and cultures but have never wanted to visit the place where I was born. It brings up a lot of questions, a lot of which I don’t think I’ve been ready to confront... but it’s a work in progress, so we’ll see.

Were there other POC/Asians in your town/school growing up? If not, how did you navigate being “the only one?” If yes, were you able to connect/relate to them?

Corey (New Jersey): There were barely any other people of color in my schools growing up. My hometown was literally 89.9% white, mostly people of Irish and Italian descent. In high school, my white friends would tell me that they would forget that I’m Asian because I was no different from them beyond my physical appearance. Others would say, “You’re only Asian when it’s convenient for a joke.” I would laugh good-naturedly because I was a teenager and I didn’t want to be perceived as that person who “didn’t have a sense of humor” or “made everything about race,” especially when ultimately, I didn’t feel remotely defined by my race. By then, I had a few other Asian friends who came from Asian families, but even then, I felt I had more in common with my white friends. I always felt a little on the outside with my Asian friends in a way I didn’t feel with my white friends, even though many of my white friends would make racist jokes to me pretty often. I can recall those racist jokes, the crude caricatures drawn in my yearbook, the racist things said about other people of color, the casual use of racial slurs, and part of me wishes I had been capable of telling these people that these things weren’t okay ― not so much for me, but for everyone else who they behaved this way towards. I didn’t have the right words or understanding to be able to do this when I was younger, but I wish I had.