I have always been interested in peoples’ mind, especially in mine.

When I was in love I hated it so much, I really disliked all the feelings I was

experiencing, I felt so overwhelmed, eaten by emotions, it was unbearable,

everything was so irrational.

It felt good making love though, this powerful mental connection made sex

awesome, and my orgasms were more intense, it was a genital paradise, but

out of bed I really disliked being in love, I was feeling mentally sick.

I have never been a romantic person, so I decided to explore the chemistry

of my brain, I questioned myself what was happening to my mind while I

was in love, what it was the chemical reaction behind it, and I got my

explanation that I am glad to share with you: love occurs when the

psychosis of the synapses matches. When we are in love our dopamine

increases, this is what makes us feel energetic towards our partner, at the

same time our cortisol gets higher as well, cortisol is the stress hormone ,

and the serotonin which is the stress-busting neurotransmitter decreases.

The imbalance between dopamine and serotonin makes us feel “bipolar”

towards our partner, we feel pleasure, but at the same time we are stressed

as fuck. This process of being in love and crazy lasts a couple of years, after

that our serotonin will increases, and we will feel less obsessed with our

partner, basically we are in come down (which means it’s the end of the

story, our partner stinks, he’s a fucking dickhead and everything sucks) .

During this phase our oxytocin, the love hormone, will increase as well, this

hormone is responsible for social bonding and it’s produced during

orgasms and birth process, it deepens feelings of attachment, it has to be

said that the more oxytocin increases the more testosterone decreases, so

less sex.

To keep couple together our brain produces a chemical called

corticotropin-releasing which is released whenever partners are physically

separated, it produces an unpleasant feeling, which gets better once they

are together again. Romantic love is the most addictive drug, in fact like

addicts, couples experience tolerance, withdrawal, relapse, and suffer from

obsessive behavior .

What do I mean when i say: “love occurs when the psychosis of the

synapses matches”? By that I mean that we fall in love when the chemistry

of our brain works in a similar way and our neurons are stuck in the same

process that generates a psychosis (detachment from reality/ distorted

perspective) of our synapses structures that permits to a neuron to pass an

electrical or chemical signal to another neuron. When this occurs, we click

and we feel understood, this makes us see the person we fall in love perfect

for us, in fact we are perfectly miserable together, but it’s not a good

approach to life, in my opinion.

What area of our brain lust and love activate?

They affect two parts: the insula and the striatum.

Lust begins the pleasure center of the striatum, when our sexual desire

becomes love, they appear to still be processed in the striatum but in a

different area. This area is activated by love, and it involves the process of

giving value to things that give us pleasure: food, sex, drugs, etc.

Love works exactly like a drug, it’s a habit which is formed from sexual

desire as a desire is rewarded, it is exactly what happens in a brain

addicted to drugs.

Why do I dislike romantic love?

I think it’s a cancer, I hate this feeling of jealousy and possession typical of

romantic love, and all the chemical reaction doesn’t make me feel good, it’s

just an illusion. I feel obsessed, and mentally sick, it’s exhausting. Out of bed

it completely sucks, romantic love is not true love, it’s just a mental trip,

absolutely irrational, that creates suffering and makes you feel vulnerable.

It’s generated from a lack of human love that surrounds us, people want to

fill their emotional holes through this sick love everybody is craving due to

a lack of awareness, romantic love is like a murder, murdering is like

making love during romantic love, these awesome feelings you experience

will just traumatize your emotional sphere, and it’s too hard to admit it was

just an illusion, a distorted perspective of life, but it is , and I think we

should be aware of what happens to our brain to be able to choose how to

cope with it.

How to love in a healthier way?

For me unconditional love is the solution. By unconditional love I mean

a soul connection where lust is not that strong, or completely absent. It’s a

free love that allows me not to be emotionally overwhelmed and able to

be rational and joyful if my soul mate finds joy no matter how. It’s a love

free of jealousy that doesn’t know any kind of competition, and gives a lot of

joy more than pain and suffering, typical of romantic love. Unconditional

love might lack butterflies sex, which means we can still enjoy it, without

feeling madly neurotic, although the orgasms are less intense, the

quality of life is absolutely much better, I consider it as a sane love, in

which I find interesting to invest my energies and my existence. I try to

avoid being in romantic love since I consider it a waste of time, coming

from a lack of love in our life, for instance childhood trauma or abuse,

absolutely destructive.