Like any crazy cult bent on extracting money from the punters, Scientology needs good marketing, which is why it's rolling out new commercials. The first two are similar, in that they propose replacing rewarding things like mountain climbing with a fake religion cooked up by a mediocre science-fiction writer. The third is a little different, stating that Scientology doesn't judge people by what they look like or where they live. We're all equal in the eyes of Xenu, which is true in that we're all neurotic little cash registers in his/her/its eyes. But at least they didn't use any celebrities to speak for them. They certainly could have.

—Posted by David Kiefaber