A shy girl from Madurai, a singer par excellence, a nationalist, an actress, a traditional woman, a woman who never said a harsh word all her life��� these are only some facets to the MS Subbulakshmi MS Amma ) that we have heard of, or read about. Gowri Ramnarayan recounts facets of her beloved paati���s colourful life, in a conversation that is as amusing as it is poignant, and as nostalgic as the music of MS that we have all grown up listening to���Gowri grew up in MS���s home. Her father (T Sadasivam���s nephew), having lost his parents, was brought up by MS amma. In a house that was filled with music, it was but natural that some of it influenced Gowri, the first girl granddaughter of the family. ���My learning of music happened purely by osmosis. I wasn���t trained formally by MS, but I grew up listening to her concerts. I had my formal training under PS Narayanaswami Iyer, a disciple of Semmangudi Srinivas Iyer, who was MS���s guru. So, I learnt the same style, yes. But my interest lay in writing,��� says Gowri. Eventually, it was MS���s daughter Radha���s illness that brought Gowri back to music. ���Radha akka was everything to MS Amma. She was not just her daughter and her accompanist, but was like MS���s computer, on top of every single aspect of MS���s life. So, when she fell sick, she couldn���t perform alongside MS like she used to. That is when I stepped in. I sang with her for a long time, even though she was already in her 60s when I became her accompanist. Of course, then, the songs that I had to sing with her, were taught to me by her directly, and that is about how much I have been formally trained by her,��� she says.���I���d rather say she was a guru than a teacher. Additionally, she was my grand-aunt��� a grandmother for all intent and purposes. Also, you are in the presence of perfection and excellence, and something that is so magnificent and phenomenal, for which you have no words. That by itself, I consider a privilege��� To hear her sing was inspirational. It opened up a whole different world,��� says Gowri. Although MS took active interest in listening to younger musicians, some even two generations her junior, she never had any disciples, so to speak. ���MS was a performing artiste. She was not a teacher. There is a difference between a performer and a teacher, but these days many manage to do both. Her focus, however, was entirely classical Carnatic music, and in performing it to the best of her ability,��� explains Gowri.Many of her rasikas have often said that she radiated divinity when she sang. Gowri says, ���Everyone thought that she was blessed. When she was among the public, people would call out to her, addressing her as Meenakshi, Kamakshi, Ambal, Lakshmi, Saraswati��� and even prostrate in front of her. They saw her as a goddess. But I think it is actually doing disservice to an artiste. Look at the phenomenal amount of work she had put into reaching where she was! Yes, she was gifted, but she thoroughly, holistically, worked to get there, and to take that credit away from her is not fair. But when art reaches a level of greatness, it shows you a glimpse of what is beyond what human beings can be. That is what happened with her. Her art gave her goodness, peace and joy, and she was at par with divinity because she had reached that high level of perfection.������She was an extremely shy person. She remained that shy girl from Madurai right till the very end. There was an innocence about her. She never thought of her fame as something she had achieved. She thought that she was blessed by her seniors, and what she was doing was merely interpreting the music of great composers in the way she thought was best, and of course, with the greatest sense of responsibility. For her, it was not about achieving things for herself, but about being true to tradition. The benchmarks she set for herself, therefore, were very high��� something that even she could not achieve. Every concert was like an exam for her. So, there was never any false modesty about her and that is what kept her humble.���There was never MS the singer versus MS the person. ���She was what she sang. She believed in certain ideologies��� the same ones that she grew up believing in,��� Gowri says, adding, ���She lived in the time of cultural renaissance, in the time of Gandhian ideology, and she was a true Gandhian. She believed in the reformist ideas of the nationalist movement��� in women���s emancipation, women���s empowerment and education for the girl child. But she was not a feminist, she was humanist.���Her acting career catapulted her to nationwide fame, but she was disinterested in it. Says Gowri, ���She was not very scholarly, so to speak, but in the late 30s, when she was shooting her first film, she was exposed to the works of a novel by Munshi Premchand. In the film, directed by K Subramanyam, she played the role of a victimised woman who joined the freedom movement, became a famous singer, and went on to open a school for destitute girls. That might have had an impact on her because she herself came from a deprived background. To her, being independent was to free herself from the Devadasi constrictions, and become a part of mainstream society. She wanted to be married, have children, a good housewife and a good mother��� all of which she was.��� And although she was a traditional woman, ���She sang nationalist songs at Congress rallies, risked being charged with sedition for doing so. She joined and supported the freedom movement. She played a male character in the film Savithri, although she did not want to, to raise money to launch a nationalist magazine. So she did contribute in her own way.���The film 1947 film, Meera, brought MS national acclaim. ���It was seen as the story of India, struggling under the shackles of the British government then,��� says Gowri. ���The image of Meera became synonymous with MS. There was something about her character, her innocence, her vulnerability and her total disinterest in money. After Meera, MS Amma refused to act. Perhaps, she did not like being in front of the camera,��� Gowri adds. ���Her husband T Sadasivam, was called the Tamil Hitler, because he dictated everything that she did��� from what concerts she would perform at, right down to the songs she would sing. It must have been irksome, for she might have wanted to sing something else��� But not once did she question it. She used to say, ���Yes, it might have been difficult at first, but there is always a reason why he said what I should do and he was always proved right.��� She had complete faith in him and never failed to acknowledge him as her friend, philosopher, guide and guru, in public. She was a singer par excellence when she married him, yes, but it was because of him that she became a national figure,��� recollects Gowri. Much has been said about MS amma���s diction. ���She always consulted an expert to perfect it. For her, learning was a constant process. She learnt 200 compositions, and knew 13 languages. She had tutors for Sanskrit and Hindi. She was a linguist. But perhaps, what I will always remember, is that she tried to understand the poetic quality of what she sang, and did her best to retain and enhance that when she performed.���A laughing Gowri recounts, ���She was terrified of lizards. If she went somewhere, she would first check if that place was lizard-free. She used to keep a torch by her bed always ��� that was her lifeline. At night, she would shine the torch on the ceiling to check if there were lizards around. When we used to travel, the first thing she used to look for in the room was a wastepaper basket. She was super clean and neat. Another quirk of hers was a makeup box she used to carry with her all the time. Apart from the usual foundation, compact, powder, cream to remove makeup, kajal and bindis, she���d have items such as manja podi, sheeka podi, a pumice stone, kumkumam, vibuthi, oil��� more than it being a glamorous box, it was a grandmother���s box. Whether it was Moscow or Morocco, she had to have a manjal thechu kuli on Fridays. She also had exactly three hairpins for securing her kondai. If even one of them was misplaced, it was nothing short of a tragedy. She was particular about not losing them. While packing, she���d place all her blouses in a chiffon scarf, tie it up, and then put it in the suitcase.��� She also kept a diary, reveals Gowri, ���She used to write in it every day, but when we later read it, we realised that it was very factual. She would merely report the events of the day��� there was no outpouring of the heart or anything of that sort,��� she adds.���Ava oru ulagamaha azhagi,��� Gowri laughs, and adds, ���She was very particular about the way she dressed. The hair had to be oiled and pressed down. The size of the bindi had to be exact. She always wore kajal. Every morning she would bathe and dress in a madi podavai and do her japam with a green notebook in hand. Then, she used to change into a normal sari, get ready and come out. After that she never looked in the mirror the whole day. She created a style which people followed. Radha got her matching blouses for her saris, but I used to tell her there was no use, for MS always covered her shoulders with the pallu.���Gowri remembers MS to be someone who devoted herself to her family as much as she did to her music. ���She used to eat simple food���idlis were her favourite. I remember, during Deepavali time, the whole family used to gather at her home the previous day itself. She would buy clothes for everyone ��� even for the extended family ��� a day in advance, and lay it out in the pooja room the night before. On Deepavali day, she used to oil each family member���s hair, and give them the leghiyam. Once we finished our baths, we would be given our new clothes.���Towards the end of her life, Gowri says that MS amma had trouble remembering things, and ended up repeating herself. ���But she never said a harsh word even then. The death of her husband was a big blow to her. All her life, every time she sang, or saw a holy man, she prayed that she should die a sumangali. It was a huge shock to her that he died, even though he was much older than her. She did not sing after his death. That is perhaps why the Bharat Ratna did not mean much to her, it would have meant more if she had got it when he was around. The ceremony was quiet. Awards never meant much to her.���On her centenary, Gowri says it is important to remember that, ���she was a brilliant Carnatic musician. She excelled in her art. No doubt her fame came from singing bhajans, for Meera, and her nationalist songs, but she was a brilliant Carnatic musician, who did a great job of handling the most profound aspects of Carnatic music. It is, therefore, time to forget Kurai Ondrum Illai and Kaatril Varum Geethame and go back and see how she handled the different ragas while singing the pallavis.���