Let’s start out with two assumptions:

Dance parties are fun.

You belong to yourself, and no one should enter your personal space without permission.

Sure, “personal space” is tough to define on a crowded dance floor. Things get packed. But there’s a huge difference between someone who’s dancing right next to you and someone who is purposefully pressing their body against yours or placing their hands on you.

With communication, close, sexy contact is great. Without communication— not so much. Call me conservative, but I think you should at least make eye contact with someone before you start grinding against them.

But you can’t control other people’s choices; you can only control your response.

Knowing how to articulate your boundaries on a loud, crowded dance floor can mean the difference between a great night and a scary, overwhelming experience.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable, here are some ways to empower yourself:

1. Dance big. This one is a bit of a parlor trick, but spreading your hands and elbows around you a bit does define your space.

2. Make eye contact. If someone gets too close, looking them in the eye and shaking your head can send a message.

3. If that person keeps approaching you, take a step back. That works occasionally. Unfortunately, a person like that usually just moves closer.

4. That’s when you have to use your mouth words: stand your ground, lean in, and say “Please give me my space.”

Remember, most people aren’t encroaching on your space to be mean or aggressive. They are just acting out of habit.

5. If that’s not an option, put your hands up. You can even (gently) push someone back. If the action is firm, not angry, I think it’s okay.

6. Return unwanted hands to their proper owners. If someone puts their hands on your body, just grab them and give them back.

7. Sometimes, you’ll have to decline an invitation more than once. Be firm.

I believe that the greatest challenge many of us face in these situations is that we really value inclusion, and letting other people be. We also want to be nice, and friendly. But the buck stops at the body. You can be as discriminatory and controlling with your body as you want to be.

It’s your right.

Lastly— to all those people out there who are reading this, who value consent, who move with awareness and who respect boundaries: thank you. You’re making the world a better place just by being yourself in it.