Kristofer Fogg

Professor Daley

CSI 110

7 March 2009

The Mother and Son Torn Apart by Web ‘Cult’ that Destroys Families

After participating in a Freedomain Radio Broadcast, hosted by self-proclaimed philosopher Stefan Molyneaux, Tom Weed, 18, decided that he would “defoo.” “Defooing” is a term coined by Molyneax, which essentially means “freeing oneself from his or her ‘family of origin.’” In order to cut his family out of his life, Tom Weed left a note on the doorstep, simply stating that he was taking an “indefinite amount of time away from the family”, and requesting that his family not attempt to contact him. After leaving the letter, Tom has refused all contact with members of his family. Tom seems to believe that familial love is unfairly forced upon children, regardless of the child’s feelings about his family.

Tom states his reasons for cutting contact with his family are that his parents would not listen to his preferences, and that his father had a history of violent outbursts. He remembers his father lashing out at inanimate household objects and being intimidatingly loud.

Tom’s family, however, remembers life differently. Tom’s siblings are still close to one another and to their parents; Tom’s brother has sent him text messages, telling him to stop being cruel to his mother. His siblings remember a great childhood. Tom’s father denies any violence, saying that he believes his family life was normal. He believes his son’s memories of his childhood have been twisted by Molyneaux’s influence.

Tom’s mother, too, blames Molyneaux for her son’s departure from the family. She firmly believes that the radio program and its website provide information and themes that poison the vulnerable and suggestive minds of young people. She has appeared in the media denouncing Molyneaux for negatively influencing her son, influence which led to his choice to leave his family. Ms. Weed is one of very few parents who is actively speaking about her “defooing”. Tom’s mother admits that her husband has a temper, but says that the outbursts were limited to shouting, and that rooms were never trashed. She believes that Tom may have exaggerated his claims and reasons for leaving his family to Molyneaux, and is now too ashamed to admit it and return home.

When Tom, a vegan, first called into Molyneaux’s radio program, he was seeking advice on his feelings about people who eat meat and use animal products. Tom was distressed that he felt disgust toward non-vegans. The topic quickly changed from veganism to Tom’s family – more specifically, the topic of Tom’s memories of his father abusing the family cat by kicking it. Molyneaux quickly came to the conclusion that Tom’s father is a “f***ing arsehole” who abuses children, and Tom’s mother is a submissive woman who willingly married and bore children for a man prone to violent rages. Tom’s reasons for cutting his mother out of his life are not clear, and vary. Tom has said that his mother would “guilt” him into seeing family members and would make him pretend to enjoy the holidays.

Tom insists he has not been manipulated by Molyneaux, stressing that he is offended that he has been presented as a naïve child. He believes his life is better since he cut contact with his family. He has started a college education and lives with friends, and feels he can focus on his own happiness now. Tom says he looked critically at his relationships with his family and ultimately decided that they were not the type of people he wanted in his life. He states that he is unsure if his mother loves him, but knows that he does not love her.

Stefan Molyneaux describes his show as “the largest and most popular philosophy show on the web”, but Freedomain Radio has been dubbed a cult by the Weeds, and by other families who are suffering through the loss of children who have “defooed”. Critics says Molyneaux does not hesitate to “bend the facts to suit his theories”, using information given by callers and posts on his website to further his own ideas, regardless of the effects on those he influences through Freedomain Radio. Molyneaux says that he has been depicted as an “ogre manipulating people through the internet”, but believes the portrayal is undeserved. He compares reception of his views with the reaction to early feminism, and believes he is being targeted unfairly. He states: “If I advised a wife to leave an abusive husband, there would not be articles about how I am a cult leader”.

According to Ian Haworth, of the Cult Information Center, cutting people off from their families is one of the first signs of a cult. This may, in fact, be the only sign of cultism that Freedomain Radio shows. Molxneaux does not make a large financial gain from the website, which charges a $50 fee for premium access to its forums. Freedomain Radio does not have a physical presence in the world. There are no reports of secret meetings or mass suicides, and only 20 of the 50,000 estimated members have “defooed.” By all evidence, Freedomain Radio is simply a show and website forum for philosophical discussion, moderated by Molyneax and driven by his opinions and theories.

Despite the fact that Mr. Molyneaux’s has been dubbed a “cult leader” by some, I fail to see how he was solely responsible for Tom’s “defooing.” It is clear that Tom was not happy at home with his family. In his initial interview with Molyneax, Tom stated that his father was angry and violent. Tom did not disagree with any of Molyneaux’s observations, leading me to believe that he agreed.

If it wasn’t Molyneaux, it would have been something else that pushed Tom over the edge. It was inevitable that something would happen. I do not think that “defooing” was the best decision he could have made, but neither is it the worst by far. It is obvious that his father’s temper was the catalyst for the separation, and his mother’s sheepishness only spread Tom’s discontent. If the parents had noticed, or if Tom himself had mentioned his unhappiness, then possibly counseling could have been a viable option. However bad Tom’s “defooing” may be, if something or someone else besides Molyneaux had pushed him to act on his feelings, it is possible that the situation could have had a much more violent outcome. Tom has even indirectly said that he would like to try and reconnect with the family, it is possible that Tom just needed to get away and have time to think it out. It is also possible that he is willing to come back because his mother and father are in the process of getting a divorce, it is clear from the article that the father and his temper were the main source of Tom’s unhappiness. I want to make it clear that I am not siding with Molyneaux, but he has a right to his opinions, just as the people have a right to listen to them or change the station. Tom called the radio program, Molyneaux did not seek him out in an effort to get him to leave his family. It was Tom’s decision to do what he did and in the eyes of the law, 18 is an adult.

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