ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of the seven bottlenose dolphins that calls the town’s only saltwater bore drain home has telepathically spoken to The Advocate via drugs this afternoon about the new reusable plastic bags at local supermarkets and what they might taste like.

The Betoota Heights Woolworths is due to dump single-use plastic bags later this month in an effort to minimise the soulless multinational’s impact on the environment.

And in their place, hardier plastic bags which can be used more than once.

Our reporter caught up with a representative from the Fresh Foodkin a short time ago about the change.

“There’s also hessian ones,” said Woolies store manager Boing D’amato.

“Which is a natural fibre, so that’ll break down in the dolphin’s tummy no problemos. We’re moving forward to the next chapter of our esteemed history as the nation’s fresh food people and keeping those prices down, down,”

“So you tell that dolphin a change is coming!”

Before our reporter hit the road, bound for the saltwater bore drain, he purchased four BBQ chickens and a large pot of readymade pasta salad to feed to the popular aquatic mammals.

After devouring a whole hot chook in a matter of seconds, Fred the bottlenose dolphin said he’s looking forward to having a different type of plastic drifting around his home – and is curious to know what it will taste like.

“I’m a bit sick of these single-use bags, I’ve been eating them for years,” he said.

“Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy them as much as the next dolphin but I’ve had enough to last me a lifetime. I’ll be 2 years old in July and that’s basically all I’ve had to eat besides the odd Barra and barbeque chicken. So yeah, you could say I’m looking forward to eating one of these new tough bags,”

“Yeah, but nah, though. Can you stuff one of those chooks with pasta salad and chuck it to me? I love pasta salad.”

More to come.