The question Justin and I get over and over from everyone is “Why?”. Luckily our group of friends and family are mostly very open minded and its more a curiosity question than an accusing question. And to be honest, it is a valid question. In our society where monogamy is valued and couples are expected to love each other more than anyone else, what we are doing is out of the norm. So why have we chosen to embrace a lifestyle that is looked down upon by many and misunderstood by many more?

My journey to poly wasn’t so much of a journey as a sudden realization and subsequent teleportation. In high school I realized that saying you can only date one person at a time was like saying you could only have one pet at a time or one sibling. It was ridiculous. If I am capable of loving not only my family, friends and one significant other then I am capable of loving more than one SO. Why should we limit our experiences and tie ourselves to one person? More importantly, why should we require one person to fulfill all of our desires?

Essentially that last question is what drove us, as a couple, to openly look for someone to join our relationship. We learned that each of us has something that cannot be fulfilled by the other person. For me, its my bisexuality. As much as I love men, I love women too and Justin realized it wasn’t fair for me to shut off a part of myself in order to be with him. For Justin its his desire to have more. It should not be my decision to keep him from having what he wants. We love each other beyond monogamy. We are not only willing but eager to help our partner be happy and fulfilled. This is compersion. This is the attribute that allows us to rid ourselves of any jealously and possessiveness.

So the easy answer to the why question is because we love each other. We choose to do something together that brings us together as a couple, and lets us share ourselves with someone else. It’s a wonderful feeling.