I think this woman needs to watch more foreign movies. She’s got a bruise on her arm that looks vaguely like a man’s face, and of course she immediately jumps to the conclusion that out of eleventy-whatever guys with beards and long hair, her bruise looks like — wait for it — Jesus.

Never mind that nobody actually knows what Jesus looked like compared to other long-haired, bearded guys. Never mind that AFAIK there’s no mention in the Bible of Jesus actually having long hair or a beard at all. I guess every guy with a beard is Jesus, just like every woman in a scarf is his mother.

But I think what we have here is a another case of mistaken identity. Her bruise clearly looks like Gerard Depardieu portraying Cyrano de Bergerac. Wait a minute! Does that mean Jesus looks … French? I wonder how that’ll play on Fox News!