Male Georgia Lawmakers Getting Rich on Coat Hanger Stock

May 14, 2019

ATLANTA, GEORGIA - Stock prices in the state's coat hanger industry are surging this week, which—curiously—Georgia's male Republican lawmakers are heavily invested in.

“It’s no surprise,” said Governor Brian Kemp, gleaming with newfound wealth. “We have laws which have defined women as state property. And in The Peach State we force our women property to carry coat hangers on them at all times.”

Very curious indeed....

Georgia recently passed the “Coat Hanger Appreciation Act for Women,” which made it illegal for women to walk outside without their coat hangers.

The law is quite extensive. You can’t drive across state lines to escape your coat hanger. You must use the coat hanger for all your clothes. And if a father rapes her daughter, and the daughter doesn’t have her coat hanger, then the daughter will be put in jail.

This has left many women to question why? Why would anyone do this to women?

“Aren’t you tired of women taking our jobs?” asked the governor. “We talk about the Mexicans and the Muslims, but it's women that's the problem. The women come here thinking they can do whatever they want with their sexy peach-like bodies on my taxpaying dime. Yet they can't even smile and say thank you for the nice coat hangers we bought them? Screw them. Wham bam and no thank you ma’am. How dare they induce me to such desire and then not obey. Us men have rights too you know.”

Last seen, stock prices were up 47% today.