LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

There is not much to look forward to as bedtime beckons during the Australian summer, with the possible exception of a whirring pedestal fan that while doing a piss poor job at keeping you cool may still lull you to sleep with soothing white noise.

For many Australians, trying to sleep in the summer is about as pleasant as giving birth to the mattress you are sleeping on with a fever so intense a fried egg could be fried on your head and then inserted into your tired eyes.

Refuge from these restless nights of high heat can be found in the form of a cheap pedestal fan that will do fuck all to keep you cool but will provide you with a muffled and ethereal whisper that will whisk you away to a dreamland where you are well off enough to afford ducted air con.

“I still wake up wetter than a Masterchef contestant’s cheeks during family week,” stated fan user Shannon Blake.

“But at least I can sleep. Even if I am completely naked with one leg out the window.”

For the loyal pedestal fans their life cycle is brief, as less usage in cooler weather means it will often lose it’s space in the bedroom and end up discarded as buying another cheap one from K-Mart is seen as preferable to finding a place to store them during winter.