Let’s not get it twisted: University lecture theatres are magical lawless realms where just about anything goes. If you want to catch up on some extra sleep in the back row, you go ahead and catch up on some extra sleep in the back row. If you want to use the theatre’s good wifi to stream the NBA on a dodgy Ukrainian VPN, you go ahead and use the theatre’s good wifi to stream the NBA on a dodgy Ukrainian VPN. And if you want to cop a risky wristie instead of taking notes on legal precedent then buddy, just…. make sure you don’t accidentally make eye-contact with the lecturer, I guess.

A law lecture at a NSW university copped the mother of all disruptions recently, with the lecturer not only spotting a couple expressing their love for each other in the purest form – furiously wanking the dick off – but stopping the class dead in its tracks to have a wee chat about the ethics of having it off in public.

Better still, the entire lecture was recorded – as they all are nowadays – and the unidentified lecturer’s response was subsequently put online for all to hear.

In short? It’s spectacular gear.

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The first signs of trouble begin with the lecturer pausing, declaring “oh my god, give me a minute guys, I just wanna bleach my eyes and my brain.” From there, she embarked on one of the more expert examples of slow-burn storytelling you’ll hear in a good while, drip-feeding out information, slowly escalating the situation, and bringing the rest of the room in on this grand tale – one apparently involving a not-terribly-well-placed hoody (or footy, it’s hard to say) – one at a time.

this is why u dont go to mac uni kids ????????????A guy made a post about a law lecture, this is it. Posted by Ruby Zattin on Tuesday, 17 March 2020

One of the all-time great journeys. A true epic. A saga of Tolkien-like proportions.

The University itself has, for obvious reasons, not issued public comment on the matter. And at this stage it remains unclear whether the recipient of said handjob managed to pass with flying colours despite the interruption or whether he had to undertake additional tutoring later on.

No matter what though, you’ve gotta hand it to them: That’s an impressive interpretation of the phrase “contact hours.”