Dear ST Premium Paywall,

I know you’ve had a rough weekend defending ST from haters around the world.

And I want you to know that it’s not your fault.

What Christopher Tan did to you was inexcusable. He had no right tweeting an open letter to Elon Musk then hiding behind your skirts when shit hit the fan. It was stupid and cowardly and they should have never left you to weather the criticism alone.

I know that a lot of Singaporeans are blaming you for the entire fiasco, but please do not blame yourself for what happened.

I believe that I speak for all Singaporeans when I say that we are not racist against paywalls. We have nothing against your people and most of us are happy to pay for a subscription to The New York Times, The Economist, and Netflix.

What we cannot stand is the idea of paying $14.90/month for sycophantic think pieces that tell us the government is always right.

We rage not because you exist, but because we are denied access to countless articles of national importance.

When we use hurtful words like ‘dumb’, ‘fail’ or ’embarrassing’, we are not angry at you. We are angry because your partner baits us on Facebook, then leaves us staring at a login page.

Truth be told, we don’t hate you. We hate ourselves for building a nation where national news is whatever a Minister happens to be saying, and there are few alternative voices that echo our own feelings.

So please do not despair, Mister Paywall.

We understand that you have a job more difficult than the SMRT Comms team and I have to say, you are doing a fine job of keeping the good ship ST afloat. Without your revenue-boosting help, those editors would probably be drinking their own piss in a life-raft.

So listen to me, ST Paywall. You are beautiful. You are fair. You are effective against ad-blockers, and serious journalism is well worth defending. Stay strong and ignore those hateful comments. One day, you will escape this abusive relationship and find someone who deserves you and appreciates you for who you are.

One day, you will find The One – a publication with the quality content that deserves your love and protection.

Love,

Pan Jie,

Fake News Editor

P.S. I heard that ChannelNewsAsia is single.