The main thing to remember, is it’s not a race to the finish (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Nobody can bring their A-game to every sexual experience. Sometimes you’re tired, sometimes things are distracting you, or sometimes you’re just not feeling it.

But if you’re not in a situation where you and your sexual partner can be honest about what works and what doesn’t, that’s a problem.

Particularly in a long-term relationship, we’re all setting ourselves up for failure by not adequately communicating what we want.

After all, how else will the person we’re with know what to do in the future?


The reason many people might have for not feeling like they can say what they feel is that it could cause offence. It doesn’t feel nice to be told you can’t give a decent blowjob or your rhythm is way off.



That’s likely why a recent AskReddit thread has blown up, where men who have sex with women are revealing the biggest mistakes their partners have made in the sack.

There are a few running themes on there, with many including injuries. Basically, a bit more of a gentle approach seems to be appreciated.

We’ve compiled a few of them, as well as adding a few from other men we asked who have sex with women.

What’s the biggest mistake women make in bed?

‘Leaning back too far when on top. Some dicks aren’t that flexible when fully erect. If I’m starting to sit up when you lean back, it’s because my shit’s about to break off.’

‘You ever have a girl up on top come down wrong and bend your dick in half? Because I have. If there is a hell, I know what pain awaits.’

‘My balls are not stress toys, please don’t squeeze them so hard!’

‘Don’t be afraid to tell us what you want. If you don’t feel anything in a certain position or angle of insertion, let us know and switch it up. It has the added benefit of extending our stamina when switching positions.’

‘Not exactly during, but expecting guys to always initiate. Want your guy to feel desirable? Don’t want your guy to worry that you’re just sleeping with him every now and then to shut him up? Jump his bones.’

Keep the teeth away from sensitive areas (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

‘Don’t make fun of me for being vanilla while in front of friends and then come home and lay there like an embarrassed fish when I suggest something dirty.’

‘I’d say the number one mistake partners have made is being too much in their own heads. There’s definitely a balance, and you’ve got to focus on your own pleasure to an extent, but when I’m with someone and they’re acting as if I’m not there I can end up feeling like a bit of a male sex doll, rather than two people having a good time with each other.’

‘The assumption that just because they’re there we should be rock hard…we need some warming up as well sometimes.’



‘Faking pleasure. If something isn’t working for you, let the guy know. If he thinks he’s doing well, he won’t change anything. If you let him know what you like and don’t like… he will change.’

‘The correct speed of a handjob is not, and never has been, 4000 RPM.’

‘Don’t try to discretely insert your finger in my asshole, we know what you’re up to, if you want to try it just ask.’

‘Being expected to initiate is definitely a biggie and a common one, would also put forward unsanctioned strangling and biting of the johnson area was not a fun one. ‘

‘Acting self-conscious about their body. If we are there, and clothes are coming off, whatever flaws you have are likely irrelevant to us.’

‘When you’re giving a handjob you’re not milking a cow don’t death grip it.’

‘Quit asking, “When are you going to cum?”.’

‘Teeth’ (a short and sweet answer, there).

‘Not trying. Holy shit, just try. It’s your body, you know? Make some effort to make yourself feel good. This is mostly in younger women, but I’ve slept with some 30+ year olds who just don’t try to feel good during sex.’

‘Jerking you off with some lube, stopping for a moment (and the lube dries) and then jerking you off again. Feels like they’re running a potato peeler against your dick.’

‘Noises. Don’t try and emulate the shit girls sound like in porn. I’d rather a girl be whispering and real than obnoxiously loud for my pleasure. Make whatever sounds are natural, I mute porn for a reason.’


Or this little gem… ‘I have an ex that used to keep sleeping with the wrong dude.’

Easy mistake to make, right?

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