Nothing drives this point home more than female sex addicts dealing with compulsive use of pornography or masturbation. In one scenario, an Asian woman confides she is struggling with her use of masturbation and pornography. It is amplified even more because she is a Christian and doesn't feel her circle of Asian Christian friends would understand or empathize with her struggle. On a level she reveals, "God hates me!". In short, she is living in a -bound system of isolation, sexual, and religious shame.female sex addict

How do you work with a client like this? There are so many layers to work through. Shame-reduction will be a good place to start. But addressing her irrational and cognitive distortions about her core beliefs about herself will take time since her self-hatred and self-loathing didn't just appear from the acknowledgement of her compulsive/addictive sexual behaviors. When I peel back the layers, I learn this has been a prominent "internal working model" (i.e. one's relational belief system) since since she grew up in a fairly rigid, Korean-American family with limited emotional . It was exacerbated by a molestation from an adult friend of the family and felt she could never share this secret fearing she was responsible for the abuse.

Interestingly enough, her porn use is primarily of depictions where she is the recipient of more abuse. The general public may find this odd for someone who was abused to be looking at images of abuse but in therapeutic worlds we call this " re-enactment" where a client touches the trauma in some way with the irrational hope that by doing so it will free the individual from his/her past trauma.

Fortunately, once this is delved into and explored (which takes more shame-reduction work) this woman was able to see her for what they are: a coping mechanism and not as a direct affront against God. While God may yearn for this woman to turn to him for all her fears, insecurities, and emotional vulnerabilities, I was able to convey to the woman that God loves her in her brokenness.

While there are still moments of weakness and slips along the way, this client has made strong headway into her recovery. She has acknowledged the deep hurt she has experienced and is going through the hard work of depending on others instead of relying on the soul-crushing images of pornography as a means of comfort through her pain.

* Disclaimer: to preserve the confidentiality of the people described, clinical examples are composites. In each case, all names and identifying characteristics are fictitious.

Related Links:

http://www.aacc.net/2012/06/29/new-book-investigates-sexual-addiction-in...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/24/religion-mental-health-angry-go...