Daily Mail bursts blood vessel in eye as Queen announces knighthood for Muslim immigrant

The Daily Mail has burst a blood vessel in its eye after learning that the Queen plans to knight Muslim immigrant, Mo Farah.

The newspaper began shaking and straining at the neck this morning as the New Years Honours list was announced, and was shown to include the brown Olympian.

Witnesses describe the odd nasal snort to relieve the pressure before the paper’s left eye blew a blood vessel to leave it looking hideously bloodshot.

A spokesperson for the paper told us, “It’s not a pretty site. Getting ourselves worked up about Muslims is our thing, obviously, but most of the time we just make up the outrage. This time we’re definitely angry about it.

“It just doesn’t compute. We love the Queen, but we hate Muslims and immigrants, and here is the Queen rewarding a Muslim immigrant.

“She must be getting blackmailed by the Muslim Council or something. I’ll get a couple of stringers to write it up, regardless of whether they find any actual evidence or not.”

Brexit voter Simon Williams announced his is also beside himself with rage at the Queen’s plan to knight Muslim immigrant, Mo Farrah.

“The only possible explanation is that the Queen has been taken over by Muslamic mind-rays from the local mosque.

“It’s going to happen to us all eventually, unless Nigel Farage is knighted, obviously.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)