SHSU SHSU Sudiio

UNINFORMED SMACK ::

This week, the Aggies go into battle against the Sam Houston State University Bearkats. What is a Bearkat? Well, apparently a Bearkat is something that has entirely too much damn swag. How much swag? Well, put on your headphones and heed my language warning because it's THIS MUCH SWAG!

Yes, that's called "SHSU Swagger Overload Part 1," implying that there is a part 2. Hey, look! There is a part 2!

Part 1 begins when a bunch of Bearkats start filing out of an elevator as if it's a Swaggerific Clown Car. They just keep coming. After we are introduced to what I'll call the Bearkat Swag Crew, we begin to see several examples of what denotes Bearkat Swag in Huntsville. Do you have a cell phone? Oh, you do? MINUS 60 SWAG POINTS! As our friend in the yellow dress illustrates, you must use the dorm hall phone to have true swag. Homework? Well, if you're going to study, you must do it in the bathroom. Our Bearkat friend in the orange swimsuit finds an alternative to a pen when highlighting his textbook. This is now my new party dance. I would keep going, but you just have to watch these.

Do you like the Rodeo? Do you like South Korean rappers who were educated in Boston? DO YOU LIKE COUNTRY HOTTIES?? Well, here you go. Ladies, there's eye-candy in there for you, too. I really can't add to this, it might be the best Gangham Style parody video that nobody saw because, well, the first 13 seconds. Too bad that wave has crested, Sammy. This was well done, except for they really should have called the Bearkat Swag Crew crew to dance with them. If these two groups had a dance battle, the rodeo crew would get served super hard.

ON TO THE GAME PREDICTION

SHSU, I don't know a lot about your team. I'm sorry. I know you're a solid FCS team, that's it. Frankly, I'm not going to research further. If you're upset by this then you clearly lack the emotional fortitude to continue reading my game prediction. Here's a spoiler: lopsided Aggie victory.

Kingsbury and Sumlin lead the team onto the field riding Segways, but they're called SWAGways. Sumlin's has "YESSIR" written down the side and it shoots fire out of the back like Keaton's Batmobile. Manziel goes 300/200 in the first half, returns punts in the second.

For fun, Snyder flips the defense. The secondary plays line, linebackers move to secondary and the line moves to linebacker. Spencer Nealy has a pick six, celebrates by throwing a pizza party in the end zone. Everett has 3 sacks from Nose Tackle. Damontre stares his receiver down until he cries, refuses to run routes.

Ags 70 SHSU 10