This is lowereastnowhere’s fault. And I’m not putting it on 8tracks because that’s way more effort than this idea deserves.

Assamite: We’ll Kill You (“The Assamites are known throughout vampire society as a clan of murderous assassins, working for whoever can pay the price.”)

Brujah: Threw it on the Ground (“Clan Brujah is largely composed of rebels, with and without causes.”)

Followers of Set: Great Day (“To their thinking, the weapons of addiction and seduction are the oldest and finest of means to an end.”)

Gangrel: Spell it Out (“Gangrel have a keen understanding of the Beast in their souls, and prefer to spend their nights in communion with the animals whom they so emulate.”)



Giovanni: Motherlover (“This family tie- members of the clan are related by blood twice- ensures completer loyalty on the part of the Giovanni.”

Lasombra: I Run NY (“The Lasombra are the ruling clan of the Sabbat, as much as any clan can be said to ‘rule’ that chaotic body.”)

Malkavian: Jack Sparrow (“Malkavians are free from the confines of rationality and may do whatever they like.”)

Nosferatu: The Creep (“Nosferatu find themselves loathed and ostracized by the other Children of Caine, who consider them disgusting and interact with them only when they must.”)

Ravnos: Spring Break Anthem (“The Ravnos have indulged in their particular vices so long that they have become addicted to them.”)

Toreador: Jizz in My Pants (“When a Toreador hears, views, or even smells something that is truly beautiful, he must make a Self Control roll.”)

Tremere: YOLO (“Their dealings are always tinged with a touch of paranoia, for the Tremere know that the elders of no fewer than three clans bear them a terrible grudge”)

Tzimisce: Dick in a Box (“The fiends have explored and refined their understanding of the vampire condition, bending their bodies into new and alien patterns.”)

Ventrue: Like a Boss (“From time out of mind, Ventrue has been the clan of leadership, enforcing the ancient traditions and seeking to shape the destiny of the Kindred.”)