Chapter Text

There was a knock at the door – soft, tentative; Kate wondered who it could be. She only had one real friend left at Blackwell, and Max had picked her up from the hospital earlier. They’d just spent a couple of hours talking, over endless cups of tea – a much-needed dose of normality. She heard shuffling outside, as if the person there was deciding to leave, so Kate hurried over to the door and opened it.

It was perhaps the last person she would have expected: Victoria Chase. She looked nervous, a far cry from her usual confident poise. Her eyes were red and puffy, as if she’d been crying, and she seemed unable to look directly at Kate. In place of her usual elegant attire, she was wearing a baggy T-shirt and yoga pants. Slowly wringing her hands, she tried to speak. “Kate, I…” her voice trailed off; it was as if there was something she was desperate to say but, now the moment had come, she seemed unable to find the words.

“I forgive you,” said Kate, simply. Victoria might be struggling to actually say it, but her desire to repent was clear as crystal.

“What? No!” Victoria’s response was immediate. “I don’t deserve forgiveness from anyone, least of all you.”

“The fact that you feel that way is the very thing that makes you deserving.” This reply seemed to throw Victoria completely. Clearly the conversation had not gone as she planned, and now she just looked lost. “Come in. I’ll make us some tea.”

Victoria allowed herself to be led in and sat down. She watched mutely while Kate boiled her kettle and prepared the teapot and cups. After a few minutes, a hot drink was pressed into her hands; she took it, and sipped slowly. Eventually, Kate prompted her: “Talk to me, Victoria. I got your card while I was in the hospital, but I have a feeling this is about more than just that.”

She took a deep breath. “I didn’t come here because I want forgiveness, I came here because I want to… no, because I need to apologize; something I failed to do on that card.” A rueful snort, “but I guess you already figured that out.”

“Yes, but I’d like to know exactly what you feel you have to apologize for, and what it was that made you decide to come and see me.”

“I’ve never been nice to you, Kate. From the very beginning, even when I didn’t know you at all, you were an easy target for little bits of meanness. You didn’t do anything to deserve that; hell, I’m pretty sure I’ve never met a person less deserving of my scorn. All you did was commit the terrible crime of being different, of not fitting in with any of the cliques. Still, it set a pattern of behavior, and those aren’t easily changed.”

“Then, the night of that Vortex Club party… I didn’t know you’d been drugged, I just thought you’d had too much to drink. So, when I saw what you were doing, even though I knew how totally out of character it was, I didn’t do anything to help you.” She stopped and looked up, tears in her eyes. “I laughed at you, and made sure to capture it all on video. What kind of person does that?”

Kate shrugged. “A teenage girl. We’re conditioned from an early age to believe that if we want to be part of the popular crowd, we have to make fun of the girls who aren’t.” After a brief pause, she added, “that said, by the time they’re eighteen, most people have grown out of it.”

Victoria winced. “You’re right, and even ignoring my age, that doesn’t excuse anything. That doesn’t stop it being wrong. I’ve never seen you act like that, and somehow I doubt that you ever have.”

Kate was already nodding. “Exactly, but while explanations are not excuses, understanding why you have a behavior is the first step on the road to changing it – if you want to. And I’m not like that because my mother beat her supposedly Christian values into me from an early age, leading me to believe that even wanting to be one of the popular girls was a sin.”

“When you say that she beat her values into you, do you mean…” She stopped herself. “I’m sorry, that’s really none of my business, and I’m the last person you’d want to talk to anyway.”

“That’s alright, Victoria. The fact that you care enough to ask means a lot to me.”

Victoria digested that for a moment, then returned to her apology. “After the party, I showed the video to… to Nathan.” There was undisguised hatred in her voice as she spat out the name. “He took a copy and posted it to YouTube. At the time, I just though that was funny, and made sure to spread it around. I wanted to make sure that everyone saw it; I didn’t stop to think what effect it would have on you. I was just… showing off for my friends.”

“Finally, that day, when you were… you were up on the roof. I didn’t do anything to help, I didn’t even do anything to stop the people who were cheering you on, I just made sure to catch that on video too. And even though some small part of me knew that it was at least partly my fault you were up there, I still didn’t think that I’d done anything wrong.” She stopped for a moment. “How can you forgive all that?”

Kate considered for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “Because nothing you did was final, none of the consequences are beyond repair. I’m not going to pretend that the things you did and said didn’t hurt me terribly. I went through hell for more than a week; remember, you were far from being my only tormentor. There are people in my family who will never look at me the same way again. I felt like there wasn’t anyone in the world who cared about me – except maybe Max.”

“I was ready to throw myself off that roof, but I didn’t. I’m still alive, and the rest of it will pass with time. I’m already in a much better place than I have been since before that party. I’ve learned things – valuable things – about myself, my family, and the people around me, things that I might not otherwise have found out.” She smiled, “really, I should be tha…”

Victoria cut her off. “Please don’t. Don’t thank me.” Kate looked at her quizzically. “I never could stand that trope – ‘you did that terrible thing, but it made me discover something about myself, so really I should thank you.’ People should be thanked when they choose to do something good, not when some small bit good just happens to come out of a bad thing they did.”

Kate gave her an approving nod. “Okay. So, I think you’ve answered my first question. Now for the second: what made you change your mind about what you’d done? What made you come and apologize to me?”

“It was after everything came out about Mark and Nathan, when I found out that he drugged you at that party. Making fun of the good girl who had too much to drink and got a little bit wild? That was excusable because she brought it on herself. But laughing at the girl who’d been drugged and kidnapped, and making sure that everyone else laughed at her too? That was despicable. Of course, I hadn’t known at the time, but that just made an apology all the more necessary.”

“So… that’s why?” Victoria could see a hint of disappointment on Kate’s face, so she hurried on.

“No, just… the catalyst. That night I couldn’t sleep, I just kept going over and over it in my mind. If it was so despicable to make fun of you if you were drugged, why was it okay if you were just drunk? What did it say about me that I thought like that? No matter what the cause, you obviously weren’t yourself at that party, and I should have had a responsibility to help you; not just as one of the organizers, but as a decent human being.”

“That’s when I realized the answer to my second question. It says that I’m a horrible person. Someone who doesn’t hesitate to put other people down to make myself look good – or just because I can. And not even in little ways, I was cruel about it, and I enjoyed it. I made your life hell just to prove to some other mean girls that I was meaner than them.”

She looked up at Kate, the tears streaming down her face now. “I don’t want to be that person any more. I can’t bear the thought that I might cause someone else as much pain as I caused you. What if next time there isn’t a Maxine Caulfield there to talk them down? I have to be better than that. I owe it to you, and I owe it to myself. If I carry on like this I’ll end up alone, and deservedly so, having left nothing but a trail of pain behind me.”

“I need to change. I’m not really sure how, but I know that it has to start with you, with this apology.” She took Kate’s hands in her own and looked her straight in the eye. “I am so, so sorry. For… everything. Not just for the party, and the video, but for every little bit of meanness since your first day at Blackwell. You never did a single thing to deserve any of it; you’re the kindest, sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

“I know you said that you forgive me,” she choked out, “but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.” She lowered her head as the sobs wracked her body. Then something happened that she would never have expected. Victoria felt gentle arms wrapping around her, pulling her close. Unsure of what to do, and finding to her surprise that this was what she needed, she let Kate hold her while she cried out all her pain. The two girls stayed like that for a very long time.

When Victoria’s mind resurfaced, there was a moment of confusion before she remembered where she was. Her head was resting against Kate’s chest, the other girl softly stroking her hair. She’d never felt so comfortable, so safe, or so loved; she wondered what that said about her childhood. Slowly, she sat up, feeling Kate’s arms release her only reluctantly. “Did I fall asleep?”

“For a little while. You needed it; I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone cry so hard.”

“You’re right about me needing that. It felt like the tears had been building up inside of me for days.”

“How do you feel now?”

“Different. Drained, but somehow… lighter? I’m not sure if that makes much sense.”

“It does. You’ve been through a lot.”

“Not as much as you!” Victoria protested.

“Perhaps, perhaps not. It’s one thing to feel like the world hates you, it’s something very different to find you feel that way about yourself. Neither is something that you can get over quickly.”

Victoria asked the question that had been on her mind since the first thing Kate said. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because I’ve never seen someone so sincere in an apology, because I genuinely believe that you want to change, and because I think that deep down you’re a good person. I saw someone in pain, and I wanted to help. As you said earlier, just because that pain was self-inflicted shouldn’t make me any less willing to do something about it.”

“Thank-you. It’s just… last week I was your worst enemy in the world, and today you’re treating me with more kindness than any one else has ever shown me. I guess I’m a bit overwhelmed by that.”

Kate was beginning to wonder about what Victoria’s home life was like growing up – from what she’d picked up, it seemed like it wasn’t a happy one. That might explain a lot, but she decided that it wasn’t the time to press the matter. “Earlier, you said that you wanted to change, to become a better person. If you’re serious about that, then I’d like to help you, if you’ll let me. Even if it’s just as a friendly ear, someone to talk things through with.”

Victoria stared at her for a moment, at first surprised by the offer, then realizing that this was the core of who Kate was: someone who honestly wanted to help the people around her, no matter what. A smile spread across her face. “That would be really nice, actually. I don’t think this is going to be easy for me; I’m probably going to find it difficult to avoid reverting back to my old behaviors, especially around the Vortex Club people. I could use a friend who’s willing to call me on it when I do that.”

“A… friend?”

Victoria looked stricken. “I’m sorry, that was incredibly presumptuous of me. What I meant was…”

“Shhh. It’s alright. I was just surprised that you would even consider being friends with me. I… I don’t have many friends, but I think I might like it if you were to become one of them.”

“I would be honored,” she replied, tearing up again.

“No more of that,” said Kate, mock-sternly. “Look, it’s getting very late. I don’t know about you, but I could really do with some sleep.”

Victoria looked downcast. “Yeah, I should probably go back to my room,” she said reluctantly.

Kate could sense her reticence, and realized that Victoria was still in an incredibly fragile state. She made a snap decision that a little white lie was in order. “No, I… this is my first night back from the hospital. I know this is a strange request, but please… please don’t leave me alone.”

“Whatever you need. I can crash on your couch, I didn’t seem to have any trouble dozing off here earlier.”

“Don’t be silly! The bed’s plenty big enough for both of us. Um… would you mind turning around for a moment while I change.”

Victoria turned away with a small smile. “Well, I suppose that’s alright. I’m pretty sure I can trust you to keep your hands to yourself.” She couldn’t see the other girl flushing behind her at the gentle teasing.

Kate quickly pulled on her pajamas and slid into the bed. “Okay,” she called. Victoria nervously climbed in beside her, staying close to the edge to leave Kate as much room as she could. Another hand found hers beneath the covers. “Goodnight, Victoria.”

“Goodnight, Kate.”