Absolute Intense Wrestling

The Whole Shebang

Our Lady of Mt. Carmel

Cleveland, Ohio

September 23, 2016

Attendance 500+

Weird World v. Space Justice (Dick Justice & Space Monkey)

This one was a ton of fun. Space Monkey was showered with bananas upon entering the ring. There were some fun, silly spots throughout the match. At one point, Justice pulled his “finger gun” on Worldwide. Weird Body snuck up on Justice from behind and put a finger gun on him. Space Monkey then stuck a banana gun to Body’s back. This got a “holy shit” chant. Later, the two teams faced off in a “Terry Funk Ladder Spot” v. “Apache Helicopter” battle. Weird Body pinned Monkey after hitting him with DDT off Worldwide’s shoulders. The move was awkward but cool.

Winners: Weird World

Dominic Garrini v. Garrison King v. Frankie Flynn v. Britt Baker v. Dr. Daniel C. Rockingham v. Brian Carson

This one features all of Gargano’s “kids.” Baker with a pretty dive to Rockingham on the floor. Carson and Rockingham double-teamed Gary “The King” Baller. Baker beaned Carson in the back of the head with a punch.

Carson: “I am the King of Cleveland!”

Garrini locked Rockingham in a Triangle Choke for the submission.

The Duke ran out and attacked Garrini. Garrini arm barred him.

Winner: Dominic Garrini

“Hot Sauce” Tracy Williams v. Shigehiro Irie

The two start firing heavy artillery early. They trade brutal elbows. Williams has color. Irie demolishes him with a Cannon Ball.

Irie piledrives Williams who no sells it and stands up. I cannot emphasize enough how fantastic Irie’s expression was. It was a mixture of disbelief and fear. This was an absolutely perfect moment.

Williams gave Irie a piledriver. Irie was out at two. Williams destroyed him with a second one for the pinfall.

This match was awesome. It was stiff and intense. This was a great showcase for two young talents.

Winner: “Hot Sauce” Tracy Williams

Sonjay Dutt v. Eric Ryan v. Shawn Shultz v. Gringo Loko

Loko and Dutt are going at it. Ryan hit a breathtaking coast-to-coast dropkick. There was an obligatory 4-way sleeper spot. Ryan pinned Shultz after a powerbomb.

Loko is awesome. Dude works his ass off every match. Glad to see Ryan get the win.

Winner: Eric Ryan

Tracy Smothers v. Swoggle

Smothers out on the mic with his usual schtick. He hits Swoggle with a low blow and pins him only seconds into the match.

Dick Justice comes out and demands that the match is restarted with him as the special referee. Justice squeezed himself into Dave the Potato’s referee shirt.

Smothers gets on his knees to fight Swoggle.

Dutt, Big Mo, Flynn, Baker, Monkey, and Steve Guy all come out and surround the ring. They begin to pound on the mat to rally Swoggle. Not really sure what Steve Guy has to do with any of this.

Smothers runs his mouth some more. Talks about LeBron James and RG3. Eventually, he challenges Swoggle to a dance-off. Both Baker and Justice dance, too.

Eventually, Swoggle gets the pinfall. Everyone enters the ring to celebrate.

I’m all for Smothers getting paid for contributing but I’m not sure if matches are his thing anymore.

Winner: Swoggle

Intermission

I missed it because I went outside for some fresh air but Justin Doan performed his new hit single “Go Hard Like Leonard Bibbs” about everyone’s favorite superfan, Leonard Bibbs. The bit concluded with more Steve Guy. This time, he gave Doan a stunner to bring the performance to an end.

To Infinity and Beyond v. The Jollyville Fuck-Its

T-Money pounced Cheech outside the ring. He also gave Delaney an airplane spin while Nasty Russ drilled him with an elbow on every revolution.

Cheech pinned Russ after powerbombing him onto Money’s back.

Winners: To Infinity and Beyond

Intense Division Championship

Joey Janella v. Alex Daniels (c) (w/ Greg Iron, Ray Lyn)

Janella was flipped on his head at an awkward angle on the apron. Dude must be made of steel.

Janella tagged Iron and Daniels with a running flip over the barrier.

Daniels taps out to a crossface but Iron knocks out the referee before he can see it. Daniels rolled his opponent up for the pinfall.

The crowd chants “Joey” after the match.

Winner: Alex Daniels

Absolute Championship

Louis Lyndon v. Josh Prohibition (c)

Prohibition retains with a Drunken Driver. This match is about what you would expect from two guys with the experience and talent that they have.

After the match, Tim Donst jumped Lyndon from behind. Probo chased him through the crowd.

“Johnny Gargano’s Farewell to the Indies”

Best Two Out of Three Falls

Candice LeRae v. Johnny Gargano

“Johnny Wrestling”

“Thank you, Johnny!”

The ovation Gargano got upon entering the arena was long and deafening.

The match simmered before it started. The newly married couple kissed before locking up at 11:18 PM.

Gargano calls for a test of strength. LeRae slaps him. The two begin to waltz. While dancing, Gargano dips LeRae…he then drops her and pins his stunned wife at about the 4-minute marker.

Johnny: “I’m sorry!”

Crowd: “Johnny’s sorry!”

Crowd: “Sleep on the couch!”

Crowd: “Hug it out!”

Gargano rolls his wife up for a two-count.

Crowd: “We want Candice!”

LeRae uses a reverse hurricanrana to even the match at one fall apiece at 11:30 PM.

Crowd: “This is awesome!”

Bobby Roode’s theme song, “Glorious,” hits. After a beat or two, Greg Iron steps out from behind the curtains. He is wearing a goofy robe, tights, and wrestling boots.

Iron announces that he is upset that he wasn’t picked to be Gargano’s opponent for his final match.

Crowd: “Say you love him!”

Crowd: “You’re gonna get your fucking head kicked in!”

Daniels is out.the four will face off in an impromptu tag team match.

LeRae dives on Daniels as he hits the ring. It is 11:38 PM.

Iron went to kiss LeRae. She moved, so he ended up kissing Daniels. Daniels then accidentally superkicked Iron. The crowd is loving it.

Outside the ring, Gargano grabbed Iron by the ankles and swung him side to side into the barrier as a call back to a famous angle between the two years ago at a Pro Wrestling Ohio show.

Gargano superkicked Daniels. The two trade elbows.Gargano superkicks Daniels mid-moonsault.

Daniels rolls up Gargano for the pinfall.

Winners: Alex Daniels & Greg Iron

For the next 35+ minutes, Gargano says goodbye to the people and city that have supported him for the last 12 years. He thanks his parents, his wife, John Thorne, Chandler Biggins, and Greg Iron. He puts over Alex Daniels as the future of the company. He even points out particular fans who he feels have been big supporters. The speech is funny and, at times, weird, but it is never sad. Gargano has made it to New York and everyone is proud of him. By the end, the ring and surrounding area is filled with the entire locker room. Gargano and his peers celebrate as only Johnny Wrestling would: they toast and chug Hi-C Ecto Cooler as the crowd files out.

Good luck, Johnny. Go have some fun. Make Cleveland proud.

-Zep the Bear

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