These jobs are now open at Acme Klein Bottle. No need to send resume -- anyone applying for these positions is automatically excluded from consideration. For other information or details on our Klein Bottles, please see http://www.kleinbottle.com

TOPOLOGY CONSULTANT Part-time design of low-dimensional manifolds in glass, wool, plastic, titanium, niobium, pentium, and unobtanium. Ideal candidate is fresh out of college with 20 years experience in applied topology; and can solve Poincare's, Heawood's, and Hodge's conjectures. Pay & benefits are epsilon above unemployment. Compensation package includes trillions in worthless stock options. Write to [email protected]

PLASTIC MOLDMAKER Help Acme become the foremost supplier of chintzy plastic Klein Bottles! We plan to saturate the world-wide market with low cost, lopsided plastic manifolds, each with one handle and more or less one hole. If you can figure out how to do this with a single plastic injection mold, why then you're for us! Secure position until you wish to be paid. Write to [email protected]

GLASSBLOWER Construct borosilicate manifolds using lampwork. Handy with glass lathe, oxy-hydrogen torch, and bandaids. Must know the usual cuss words to describe breaks & cracks. Experienced in minor burn treatment. Special bonus if you know the difference between inside and outside. Email [email protected]

KNITTER Part time construction of topological manifolds using advanced state-of-the-art Needle. Must not have allergy to wool, mohair, or moebius loops. One-sided personality a plus. Lefties and English-trained knitters need not apply. Write to [email protected]

BASKET WEAVER WANTED - really! I am looking for someone who can weave a large Klein Bottle Basket. Please write to kleinbottle (at) kleinbottle (dot) com

PENTIUM PROCESSOR. Must know all pentium processes, including preprocessing, postprocessing, and past-pluperfect processing. Ideal candidate pent up at the Pentagon, penthouse, or penitentiary. Penurious proprietor pays pennies. Perks include Pension, Pencil. Pentel, Pentagram, Pentax, and Pentaflex. Write to [email protected]

MANIFOLD OPERATOR. Curvaceous, conformal Riemannian vector field desires normalized Ricci tensor with nice eigenvalues. Will relocate within proper semimetric space. No polymorphic permutations, please. Email [email protected]

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