I came home one evening to find an unassuming white box sitting on my front porch. The return address said BAWLS. Which was funny, because I used to drink that stuff like water until the 7-11 near my house stopped carrying it, but I couldn't remember ordering anything from them lately. Maybe it was those stickers the 7-11 manager claimed he was going to send me fifteen years ago but never did that I was still very bitter about...

Lo and behold the box is filled to the brim with Bawls swag and a letter addressed to my Reddit username. I was already pretty pleased with the haul they'd sent me, but then I noticed something about "The cases should be on the way..."

The next day, I hear the FedEx guy cursing my name, hauling four gigantic boxes up my front steps...