Is it not time for the (Dis)united Kingdom to adopt a new national anthem? A song more suited, perhaps, to the extraordinary spectacle that it has been putting on for the world since 23 June 2016?.

I’d vote for Hotel California by the Eagles: “We are all just prisoners here, Of our own device [...] You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.” Britain reminds me of the drug addict of the song who wants to get clean but keeps failing.

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Three years after the Brexit referendum we still haven’t even left the starting blocks. There’s no majority for a hard Brexit, no majority for a soft Brexit and none for remain ... And like the residents of the Hotel California, the European Union has no interest in helping the UK to win because that would send the wrong message to other tenants and thus threaten its very existence.

In other words, there is absolutely no chance (contrary to what Theresa May seems to be hoping) that the UK’s 27 EU partners will renegotiate the withdrawal agreement reached last November. We can understand the hard Brexiters’ frustration with the famous backstop, but they can’t blame the EU for inventing the Irish problem: the absence of a physical border is a key element of the Good Friday agreement, which put an end to a conflict that was a legacy of England’s colonisation of Ireland. The EU, as guarantor of the peace agreement, cannot accept a deal that would amount to re-establishing a physical border between the two Irelands.

Nor can it allow the UK to maintain its access to the EU single market without respecting its rules if there is an open border, since that would be tantamount to giving it all the rights and advantages of EU membership without having to accept any of the obligations. That would mark the beginning of the end of the EU since other countries could claim the same treatment, and nobody wants that: not the countries of eastern Europe, which fear the disappearance of the common EU budget, or the countries of the west, which have no desire to give a competitive advantage to a country that has one foot inside the EU and one foot out.

True, a no-deal outcome would also result in the immediate restoration of a physical border between the two Irelands. But it would preserve the integrity of the EU and London would have to bear the political consequences of jeopardising the Good Friday agreement. Cynical? No, because the UK is solely responsible for this situation. The EU27 asked Britain two years ago to come up with a proposed solution, something it is still unable to do. The backstop is a stopgap that gives both sides time to conclude a trade agreement that would, and let’s be clear, force Britain to comply with almost all EU rules and regulations if it wants to keep the border between Ireland and Northern Ireland open and avoid creating a new frontier between Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Day after day, it appears that the Brexiters have absolutely failed to add up the price of leaving the EU or, worse, that they have deliberately concealed it from the people of Britain.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest ‘The EU, as guarantor of the peace agreement, can not accept a deal that would amount to re-establishing a physical border between the two Irelands.’ Photograph: Charles McQuillan/Getty Images

Right now there is not even an agreement to extend the article 50 process beyond 29 March. That would require unanimity among the 27. Most of the other EU nations are tired of Britain’s shilly-shallying and no longer want to live their lives to the Brexit drumbeat. An extension is conceivable only if London proposes a real solution acceptable to all, a solution that would require a a bit more time. But we are a long way from there.

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The nightmare scenario for the EU would be a new UK referendum; that would settle absolutely nothing. A remain win would just leave British politics haunted by the European question. Let’s not forget that the 1975 referendum, despite being won by the pro-European side failed to put the matter to bed. So, five, 10, perhaps 15 years from now there would be yet another referendum in Britain. Europe would find itself for years to come still held hostage by Britain’s never-ending internal debate on Europe.

Much better for the UK to come out. And if it discovers in due course that Brexit has been a terrible mistake it can come back in, but this time without any of the opt-outs or special status it currently enjoys. Because, be in no doubt, if you’re staying at the Hotel California, you can never leave.

• Jean Quatremer is Brussels correspondent of Libération and blogs at Coulisses de Bruxelles