White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer corrects your lying eyes.

Donald Trump didn’t so much stumble coming out of the gate, as collide with the gate, pause to scream at the gate, run back through the gate in the wrong direction, and send his surrogates forth to complain that it was all the gate’s fault.

After a less than spectacular inauguration entirely in line with his record un-landslide popular vote defeat, driving past blocks of empty bleachers, exhausting himself with a 50’ walk, and forcing the apparently baffled Melania to dance to “My Way,” Trump plopped himself on the White House couch and prepared to receive the media's adulation.

Trump turned on the television to see a jarring juxtaposition — massive demonstrations around the globe protesting his day-old presidency and footage of the sparser crowd at his inauguration, with large patches of white empty space on the Mall.

With enraged spittle flying in all directions, Trump ordered his team to war with his ancient enemy, the facts.

Over the objections of his aides and advisers — who urged him to focus on policy and the broader goals of his presidency — the new president issued a decree: He wanted a fiery public response, and he wanted it to come from his press secretary.

It was Trump’s day one test, and saying that he failed would be an insult to failure.