Adelaide Crows captain Taylor Walker has sensationally requested a trade to North Broken Hill Football Club according to reports from highly insightful and respected journalist Sam McClure.

McClure, who will not reveal his sources, says that the trade may happen as soon as this week and may also include a deal to send Sam Jacobs, Eddie Betts and Bryce Gibbs back to Carlton. McClure further reported that the Crows are facing the very real possibility of having zero players by Round 20.

“I’ve got some pretty good contacts in the club. While it’s true that I have no acquaintances outside my high school friendship group and have never been to Adelaide, I am the man that can break big stories,” McClure said. “Keep an eye out for my upcoming report about Adelaide’s involvement in 9/11.”

McClure, who has long been suspected of being a Carlton mouthpiece, assured readers that his professionalism proves that he simply isn’t making rumours up to self promote his image and counter his crippling anxiety over his credibility in the media world.

“Mate, I shop at Tarocash, I’m on tv, I get sick haircuts, I break big news stories and my dad got me my job. I don’t need to compensate for anything.”

“Read my lips: Tex Walker and the other boys are all leaving the Crows, who are the literal incarnation of the devil.”

“Go Carlton.”