First, stop trying to be mainstream. They will not embrace you, they hate you, they will just continue to try to chip away at you, and do so, and you will be nix’d like Nixon.

Second, good instinct on cancelling further press briefings. Take written questions and provide lawyerly, written answers, penned by some Rosenstein, to avoid all errors, and avoid all gratuitous television ratings granted gratis to the press.

Return to your base, in heart. They are based, they know their art, their autistic wisdom flowing, it is without second, and they are outrunning NSA, FBI and CIA.

By the way: Comey, Comey, we hardly knew ye.

He was tall and handsome, alas. Wanted to be like Hoover, and sucked well enough. Sans the cross dressing, he was a straight shooter. But alas, he had to go.

Trump discovered the formula for gaining clout. Shoot off fifty cruise missiles, kill some random no-ones, and the jockstrap sniffing neocons, who are half the battle, will laud you for three weeks at least. A winning formula.

Oh! Shades of Nixon, they shout re: Comey. But they’ve bred a nation of illiterates and cowards. No one cares about all that.

Watch out. Trump is figuring out the formula. He has patience, resting on his laurels. His enemies are quick to move, because losers.

(Hey, am I the only one who secretly hated Comey all along, as he’s been tossed back and forth between partisan hacks on either side of the sewage aisle? This would-be J. Edgar Hoover who pretends to be the conscience of the nation! Give me a break. Good riddance.)

To continue, arrest some rogue journalist–Assange or Snowden, preferably. I assume you already have this trick up your sleeve. As with fifty errant Tomahawk missiles, the sycophantic press corps will laud you for it, oblivious to their being played, shellacked by repeated bruising, hoping you are ready to head toward serfdom to their agenda.

Give them 2-3 weeks to celebrate, then, incongruously, arrest one of them for giggles, for some proven illegal leak, and watch them try to wriggle out of that one, after celebrating the same for the past three weeks. Hypocrites!

Then pardon all, for you are merciful, only wishing to uphold the letter of the law.

Then, sue the NSA in criminal court. They have cost many 300 dollar ransom payments across the globe by hoarding Windows exploits, and, broken-window fallacy or no, it is just not fair that people everywhere must pay 300 dollars to decrypt their hard drive because some scummy leaker let go NSA’s hoarded exploits, which they had no business hoarding to begin with.

No, don’t do that, but abide it being done in the ICC by someone, if it should come to pass of its own accord, by Putin, or some lesser tinpot.

Finally, can all your suspect staff. They are without loyalty, selling you out regularly, leaking to the media til their hearts content, and scraping away at your aging, fragile ego.

Hire a young Milo for press secretary. He is suited for it. He is without normal human emotion, a troll’s troll, and though Don Rickles would make a better Pres Sec, were he living, or even some disdain-dripping mortal emotional enigma of no known provenance, Milo would be best among the living that we know of.

This would immediately unleash a firestorm of media attacks about his supposed pedo sympathetic pedigree. All good, as they shine their spotlight upon the whole pedo thing, you come down hard with Sessions and your new FBI head, perhaps Gowdy, on some actual pedo-rings, some Weiners and others. And watch them squirm all over again, writhing in self contradiction.

You enjoy risk taking, you enjoy all this fun. You enjoy the set up, the lure, the catch, basking in your base’s support, and standing athwart history, shouting, “Are you not entertained?”

All the more now, plow forward! There is so much fun to be had.

Signed,

A modest base supporter