I am Geekhood! I am the Web! I! Am! Fox! Sorry, couldn’t resist. Uncanny Fox here, wrapping up my 3-week look at some of the Internet’s most notable fan films with a doozy: the classic 2003 short, Batman: Dead End, featuring a confrontation between the Dark Knight and his arch nemesis, the Joker… as well as Alien and Predator. This is going to be a short one, but fun nonetheless.

Directed by Sandy Collora, Dead End was loosely based on the crossover comic Batman Vs Predator (yes, that happened. Comics are awesome like that) and was filmed in North Hollywood, California on a budget of $30,000. Collora hoped to use this film as a display of his directing skills, having worked on designs for such movies as Men in Black, The Crow, Jurassic Park, and, fittingly enough, Predator 2. The short would first be shown at 2003’s San Diego Comic Con, where it gained major buzz from such figures as esteemed comic writer/artist Alex Ross (who praised it for capturing the look and feel of his version of the Dark Knight) and geek icon filmmaker Kevin Smith (who called it “possibly the truest, best Batman movie ever made”), along with various fansites and magazines listing it among the greatest fan films ever made. Even greater, high-end toymaker NECA would later produce a line of figures based on the short’s versions of the Predator, making this the only Batman fan production to have official merchandise based on it. Not too shabby for what was meant to be a demo.

So, with all that in mind, let’s plunge into Batman: Dead End, where a Bat is the deadliest creature in the concrete jungle… or is it?

The movie begins with some opening credits, followed by shots of Batman (played here by professional bodybuilder Clark Bartram of American Health & Fitness fame. So yes, you can get workout videos from Batman, in case you want to give yourself a 9th ab) putting on his spandex costume (thankfully there’s no nipples or sculpted butts this time) as a voice on the radio announces that the Joker has once again escaped Arkham Asylum, filling Gotham with “murder and mayhem.” The Dark Knight soon finishes stuffing his Bat-Pack (It’s not a purse! It’s a knapsack!) with gadgets and zipping up his gloves, then sets out to stop the clown as the title card appears.

We then cut to an establishing shot of Gotham City, where our hero stands proudly in front of the Bat-Signal atop a roof like he’s posing for a comic cover. There are a lot of shots like this here, and they’re great. Below him is the Joker, still clad in his straight jacket and running through a rainy, box littered alleyway (this must be the Abandoned Warehouse District).

Bats catches sight of his quarry and jumps down to the streets, leading to an awesome shot where he rises up from the ground, his cape blending into the shadows like he’s a spirit emerging from Hell itself to enact justice to the wicked. It’s seriously the best shot in the movie, and perhaps one of the best live-action scenes of Batman ever. And crazier still: it didn’t really need anything special like CG or anything to pull off. It just kind of happens.

And speaking of the wicked, Batman soon finds Joker (played by lesser known actor Andrew Koenig, who would tragically take his own life in 2010), who sucker-punches the Dark Knight after a brief search through the rainy alley. Joker taunts Bats about “not taking a little joke” (or brass knucks to the face), but the Dark Knight shrugs him off with a backhand before dropkicking him to the ground.

Bats calls Joker “pathetic,” but the clown counters that Bats runs around in the dark in a cape and a mask. Bats picks him up by the shirt and counters that they both wear masks, but Joker tells him to look at his face (which is quite ghoulish in this version. He really looks like a gargoyle). He says that this is who he is, that his mask is permanent while Batman has a choice to go out or not. Just as long as you don’t cut it off and strap it back on as it rots away this time, dude.

Bats isn’t hearing this, and tells Joker that he made his choice a long time ago, leading the clown to snap that Batman made him the way he was by dropping him in the chemicals that made him what he is today and condemning him to Arkham Asylum “like a bastard child that he refuses to take responsibility for.” That’s why Batman will never kill him, because he made him.

Batman fires back that criminal scum like the Joker made him, then tosses the clown into a wall. Joker only laughs at this, leading to a creepy close-up on his nightmarish green eye. Bats follows with a close-up of his own, telling the Joker that he’s going back to the Asylum.

This brief argument captures the worldviews of Batman and the Joker perfectly. Joker views himself as a victim of the tragedies of life, and blames his murderous behavior on Batman’s refusal to take him out permanently. Bats, on the other hand, sees the Joker as nothing more than another sadistic goon making excuses for his desire to hurt others. They both see what’s wrong with the world, but while Batman sets out to try and fix it in his own flawed way, Joker embraces the “bad joke” and laughs along with it.

But before he can act on that, a shadowy, inhuman figure reaches out from the rooftops above and grabs the Joker (a shot that the director said was the hardest thing to pull off), pulling him up to be devoured as Batman can only watch in shock. All that’s left is the Joker’s brass knuckle, which hits the ground as the clown’s killer jumps down to greet Batman: a Xenomorph. Yup, this is a crossover now! I wonder how the people watching this at Comic Con reacted to this moment. Did they know that there would be Aliens and Predators in it beforehand? Because up till now, this was just your standard “Batman chasing the Joker” story.

But Batman shows no fear in the face of such an infamous monster, as the beast pounces on him and tries to have him for dessert. The Dark Knight struggles against the Xenomorph, only for an all-too-familiar three red dots to appear on the alien’s head…

And sure enough, a Predator arrives atop a nearby roof to take out the Xeno in one shot from his shoulder-cannon. Batman pushes the dead creature off of him and turns to meet his new guest, tossing a Batarang up to try and knock the Hunter down. But the weapon bounces harmlessly off the Pred’s armor, and we see that classic infrared vison as he scopes out his latest target. Naturally he views Batman as a worthy quarry (I mean, who’s a better warrior out there than Batman himself), and he soon strips off his shoulder cannon to engage the Dark Knight in one-on-one combat.

The Pred jumps down, towering over Batman as they begin their fight. Bats dodges the Pred’s blows and attempts a few of his own, but the creature is too big and strong for the mere human vigilante. The Hunter soon forces Bats to the ground, but the Dark Knight fights his way back to his feet.

Predator grabs Bats by the throat and tosses him into the same wall that Joker kit before. Irony is a tricky one. The Dark Knight grabs a pipe to defend himself, but the Pred shrugs off his hits, only budging when Bats kicks him in the chest once. Batman’s clearly out of his element here, given that he’s facing a new opponent that he hasn’t had time to study or plan for, which is always an interesting place to put him.

The creature scans Batman with his visor, then extends his classic wrist blades, causing Batman to drop the pipe and whip out a large, razor-winged Batarang that’s more of a disk than a boomerang. The two warriors circle each other for a bit, then engage in a blade duel, the Pred swinging madly at the various pipes and boxes along the alleyway. Eventually he lands a hit on Batman’s chest, cutting his suit and causing the Dark Knight to cry out in pain. This might not have been a good night to leave the Begins chest piece at home.

Not one to give up, Bats fights back, but his attempts to cut the Predator with his disk fail and he’s soon knocked back to the ground. Predator advances toward the fallen hero, ready to make Gotham’s protector into his latest trophy with a stab of his claw…

But Batman blocks the Hunter’s would-be death blow, locking his blade in the Bat-Disk until he eventually breaks it… somehow. Bats grabs the broken piece of wrist claw and stabs the Predator in the back with it, before reading his Disk for a killing blow to the back of the Hunter’s head. One that the Predator himself seems ready for, since that is the code of the warrior. He battled one of the most skilled fighters on the planet, and came up short. All that’s left is to die honorably…

But before Batman can break his no killing rule, a sinister laughter comes from the darkened alley behind him. And in that alley is a trio of Predators, one in particular sporting a unique red mask and armor, perhaps marking him as some sort of elite warrior. And yes, this is one of those figures NECA made. I dig it. Bats sets aside the downed Pred and pulls out another Bat-Disk to take the new challengers…

But behind him emerges the Xenomorph that killed Joker before, and he’s got a friend. Still, the Preds gather around Batman and the aliens for an epic Triple Threat Match… that we sadly don’t get to see, as the movie fades to black and the end credits roll.

So, now that we’ve finished talking about the story, on to Pros and Cons:

Pros:

The story is short and sweet, perfectly capturing the philosophies of both Batman and the Joker.

The fight between Batman and the Predator.

The costumes and production values are all top-notch for a fan film. The Predators in particular could have been taken straight from the movies.

Cons:

It… could have been longer? I’m sorry, I’m really trying here.

This is easily the best fan film I’ve ever seen, though admittedly I don’t really watch a lot of them. The acting, writing, effects and fight choreography are all high quality, the plot is simple but effective, and the premise is really cool. There are plenty of images and moments that really stick at you, like the part where Batman rises up from the shadows and the shot at the end where he’s facing off against both Preds and Xenos with little else but his Batarangs. All in all, it’s a great way to spend 6 minutes of your day, and I would definitely recommend it to any fans of Batman or the AVP universe.

And that concludes my month of websurfing. I’m not sure what I’ll be starting up next week, I guess it’ll be a surprise for both me and you alike. Well, I’m off to go order a new laptop. Found this sweet black and green gaming rig on Wally-World’s website and I’m about to send it to its forever home. So ‘till next time, I’ve been The Uncanny Fox. Live long, stay gold, and I just realized something: Batman took down both Arnold and the Predator. All he needs to do now is take on Ripley in her mech suit to secure his place in the Hall of Fame…

Hidden behind Fox is a small, spider-like robot with a single red eye. This drone relays what it sees back to the lair of the mysterious figure, who is currently watching Fox’s every move.

Mysterious Figure: Yes, time for me to visit indeed…

He rises out of his seat, and in his hand are three DVD cases…