The American Medical Association (AMA) released a statement today urging those protesting Nike’s Colin Kaepernick ad campaign by burning their sneakers and other athletic apparel to remove it before doing to. This follows an epidemic of burn victims, which they say is not all that surprising.

“These people tend to respond instinctively in the moment, rather than forward-project the consequences of their actions like most mammals do.”

The AMA recommends removal of all items to be burned, and doing so at a safe distance in an area free from other flammable materials, like in the middle of an empty driveway.



“While we understand their enthusiasm to protest any company that stands with basic equality and equal treatment under the law, we feel duty-bound to counsel against hasty actions that will lead to medical harm.”

Regrettably, horribly burned feet are not the only injuries they are seeing in emergency room across the country, though mostly in the center.

“There has also been an epidemic of stabbed calves and ankles as they attempt to cut the swoosh emblem from their socks while they are still wearing them.”

Medical experts say prevention is the best cure, though they are not sure how practical that is in this instance.

“Unfortunately we can’t cure stupid.”