One of the most common, yet highly unrecognized sticking points in behavior change is isolating incidents.

In his book, The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM), Hal Elrod writes,

We mistakenly assume that each choice we make, and each individual action we make, is only affecting that particular moment, or circumstance. [1]

But it isn’t. The workout we skip. The project we procrastinate on. The meeting we cancel. They’re all marginal losses. They compound, and while they’re imperceptible and inconsequential to us today, one day, we’ll have no choice but to take notice.

The choice to say yes to comfort and no to stretching yourself affects more than one incident: it becomes a cause set in motion, a reason to perpetuate undesired behaviors again and again.

Ultimately, you have a choice between…

The Easy Thing and The Right Thing

“Every time you choose to do the easy thing, instead of the right thing, you are shaping your identity”, write Elrod, “[you’re] becoming the type of person who does what’s easy, rather than what’s right”.

If you want to move towards where you want to be, you need to do what’s right. This is how self-discipline is built. You make time and lay one brick at a time – especially when you don’t feel like it.

Take waking up for example. When the alarm clock goes off, you have a choice: you can either hit the snooze button and go back to sleep (the easy thing) or you can do something different. You can get out of bed and achieve your goals, exercise, meditate, read, etc. (the right thing).

How to Minimise Isolating Incidents

To stop isolating incidents, we must look beyond immediate gratification and see the big picture.

Remember: everything we do today affects who we become tomorrow.

This is what directly determines the quality of our lives.

Here’s how you can minimize isolating incidents…

1. Have a “To Stop” list. In his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith recommends replacing a traditional “To Do” list with a “To Stop” list. Identify what behavior you want to stop and commit to doing the right thing instead.

2. Decide the type of person you want to be. Do you want to be the type of person who sets and achieves goals? Builds discipline? Says no to the unessential? When you know the type of person you want to become, you don’t take isolated incidents lightly. Yes, you still feel tempted to binge eat, surf online and bite your fingernails, but you don’t yield to them. You remind yourself they’re not the behaviors of the type of person you’re becoming.

3. Identify your Why. But it isn’t as simple as deciding the type of person you want to become, is it? That’s why you must identify your Why. Why do you want to lose 14 pounds? Run a half marathon? Start a business? You want to do it because of how it will make you feel. Know your why and the how will follow.

Don’t do the easy thing; do the right thing.