Paternity leave. The term evokes cliches of chubby house husbands, emasculation or – perhaps even worse – immaculate superdads. No wonder men are reluctant to take the opportunity even when it is offered.

Two-and-half-years after Australia’s Labor government offered a parental leave program for new mums and dads, only one dad for every 500 mums was taking it. In the UK, 40% of dads choose not to take the parental leave offered. And in the US (Silicon Valley excepted) the figures are worse: 76% of men take less than a week off when their baby is born and 96% are back at work after two weeks or less.



It’s a tragedy, because paternity leave is one policy area where even incremental change could lead to long-lasting benefits for families, kids, women and even (may I dare to say) the men themselves. Men just need a push – here’s five reasons to give them one.

1. Better, happier dads

Fathers who take paternity leave are better dads.

A study by Bar Ilan University last year showed that there’s nothing inherent about women that makes us better parents. Women who are the primary caregivers develop neural pathways in their brains that make them more responsive to emotional cues in their children, but, according to the study, the same pathways developed in fathers who were the primary caregiver.

It’s not about a hardwired maternal instinct, in other words. The amount of time spent alone caring for a child is what enables men and women to become instinctively great parents.

When dads take multiple weeks of paternity leave, they naturally develop these parenting instincts. They learn (their own way) how to change the nappies, how to get baby to sleep, what to do when she cries or when he gets a temperature.

It’s also part of the reason that “daddy-only” time is important. Taking two weeks off when the child is born does not give the same benefits to dads, mums or children as when dads take three weeks or more off once mum has returned to work.

Dads who take leave also get more satisfaction from the time they spend with their children. That doesn’t mean men who don’t take paternity leave are bad dads, but that the more leave men take when their children are young, the more highly satisfied they become with their relationship with their child – and the more likely they are to remain involved in childcare after their return to work.

In Sweden, where paternity leave take-up can be as high as 85%, these facts are being played out across society. Ola Larsson, a Swedish dad who took eight months off to care for his son, told photographer Johan Bävman:

The state needs to become better at providing information regarding the advantages that parental leave gives both parents. It is a true gift to be allowed to create such strong emotional ties to your child. You almost have to experience parental leave to understand what you lose before you decide to work instead.

2. Greater equality in the workplace

Forget women on boards, the best way to make corporate culture friendlier towards women is to make dads take paternity leave. When dads step in to care for children so mums can return to work, women work more hours and earn more money. (They may also have more babies.) A study in Sweden showed that for every month dad took for parental leave, mum’s future earnings increased by 7%.

Because dads who take paternity leave are more involved fathers through their children’s life, workplace flexibility becomes an issue for them too.

What happens when dads have to leave work at the drop of a hat because their child is sick? What if it was his responsibility to take Billy to swimming lessons on Wednesday? What if he had to be at childcare no later than 6pm?

Workplace flexibility stops being a “women’s issue” and suddenly become a workplace imperative. That can only be a good thing.

Most men don’t take paternity leave, however, is because they fear it will restrict their career. And they’re right. Studies from around the world show that men earn less when they take paternity leave and suffer more workplace harassment or discrimination. They also work fewer hours.

That’s why the most successful paternity leave schemes, such as those in Finland, Norway, Sweden and Germany, make it mandatory for men to take a number of weeks’ leave. If they don’t, their family isn’t eligible for the full amount of leave available. Men have to take leave unless they want their kids to have less time with both parents.

Once the stigma is gone and men start taking it, more follow. When Germany legislated that of a possible 14 months parental leave, two months must be taken by fathers, the percentage of men taking paternity leave went from 3% to more than 20% – in only two years.

When Quebec introduced a similar scheme, with reserved “daddy-only” time, participation increased by more than 250%. In 2010, 80% of Quebecois dads were taking paternity leave.

This is not a raw deal for dads either: involved dads also report greater work satisfaction.

Stop congratulating stay-at-home dads for doing their job as parents | Jessica Valenti Read more

3. More egalitarian relationships

The gains women have won in the workplace – greater equity in pay, work hours, childcare and housework – have been a net benefit for the family. It’s not strictly true that women have been the winners at men’s expense, earning more while doing less housework.

The new balance actually leads to greater marriage satisfaction, lower rates of divorce and more shared custody. And men and women already say they want to be in egalitarian relationships. Betty Homemaker is out, Brangelina is in.

Bengt Westerberg, who as deputy prime minister first introduced a month of paternity leave in Sweden in 1995, told the New York Times that, “Society is a mirror of the family”, saying:



The only way to achieve equality in society is to achieve equality in the home. Getting fathers to share the parental leave is an essential part of that.

4. Doin’ it for the kids

In households where dads take paternity leave, the overall time children have with their parents increases. Seems obvious, but the benefits to children of having involved fathers over the course of their childhoods are significant enough to spell out – they tend to be happier, healthier, do better at school, have greater self esteem and fewer behavioural problems.

In families where household chores are shared and dads are involved throughout teenage years, girls are less likely to follow gender-stereotyped career paths and more likely to try new things, and boys are more likely to be involved in egalitarian relationships and less likely to fight.

Johan Ekengård, a Swedish dad who took nine months leave to look after his children, said:

The financial loss with me taking parental leave is worth every krona. I have gained confidence as a dad to my kids, understanding for my partner, and stronger ties to my children that, as I see it, are important for their growing up.

5. More sex!

Heard of “choreplay”? Then you’re probably not sharing the housework. It’s a cliche but apparently it’s true – a woman who isn’t so totally knackered from working all day, picking up the kids, cooking dinner, feeding, bathing and putting the kids to bed all on her own, is much more up for sex in the evenings.

In fact, in a recent US study, more egalitarian couples reported having more sex, and better sex, than conventional couples where women did the bulk of the housework.

Sarah Bedrick, whose husband took six weeks leave to care for their baby after she went back to work said their relationship had improved as a result.

One day he was like: “You know when I used to come home from work and the laundry wasn’t done and dinner wasn’t done and I said I totally understand? I didn’t. I just said that. Now I really get it.”

“It’s good for him to see it’s a lot of work,” she told the New York Times. “You’re not just relaxing.”

But is it possible?

New laws were introduced in the UK last week that allow dads to share parental leave with mums for up to 52 weeks, with a total of 39 weeks paid.

In Australia, men can claim statutory leave and one of the country’s biggest banks recently introduced 12 weeks paid leave for fathers or co-parents that can be taken any time in the first 12 months of the child’s life.

These are great steps forward but as the evidence shows, governments usually have to step in with incentives to reduce the stigma involved with dads making their kids a priority. In Australia that seems a long way off. Then again, maybe the nation’s dads just need to be convinced it’s in their best interests to be made to take time off with their kids.