One of the first questions guests have when planning to go to Russia is how to say “Hello”. Unhappily, the answer of “how to say hello in Russian” is the difficult to pronounce word “Здравствуйте” (pronounced something like “Zdravst-voo-tye”). The bold guest will make several brave attempts at popular pronunciation before asking the local, “Isn’t there another way to say it?”. Your new Russian friend will then invariably mention that you can say “Привет” (Pronounced “pree-vyet”, and make it only two syllables, please), which means “Hi”, but does not mean “Hello” in Russian.

Our intrepid guest will be happily shocked by this turn of events because he (or she) will immediately recognize that it is easier to say “Pree-vyet” (even if it is only two syllables) than to say “Hello” in Russian.

But here is the problem with Pree-vyet. “Привет” should only be used:

With people that you know really well, and since you just walked through passport control at Shermyetevo, that is nobody. Or small children. Which you better have a good reason for walking around Russia starting greeting random children left and right. Or if you are wearing Wranglers, a wrinkly t-shirt, a baseball cap with styrofoamish material in the front and netlike material in the back, white socks, and white sneakers, and are going to only be in a touristy area of the Russian Federation (Arbat street or, uh, Arbat street, or oh yeah, the Hermitage, which incidentally is sadly not the residence of a recluse), just don’t worry about it, everyone will understand and take no offense at you greeting them so casually as long as you take no offense at their price gouging for a stacking doll featuring Lenin or, uh, Lennon. “Привет” means “hi”, but in Russia “hi” is to only be used casually with people that you are close friends with, or people who are decidedly younger than you. In my native nation of the United States of America, I pretty much feel comfortable saying “Hi” to just about anyone. However, “Hi” in Russian has a very informal connotation. It’s more like “S’going down, rockdawg?” or “Whassup, dogmeat?”, which are not greetings you would use while conversing with Heads of State, bishops, or applying for a bank loan. Unless, of course, you are applying for a loan and you are Snoop Dogg.

Speaking of bishops. There is a bishop here in Moscow who I see from time to time. Well, he started saying “Привет” to me. I interpreted this to mean that the bishop wanted a less formal relationship. I would always reply with a “Здравствуйте”, but then I turned the situation over in my mind a few times and decided that I should also be friendly. Well, I recently changed the tires on my car from winter (studded) tires to summer (non-studded) tires. I was carrying two of my winter (studded) tires to storage, which is a bit of a clumsy affair. As I awkwardly rounded a corner carrying these two tires, I ran into the bishop and said “Привет!”. Well, the bishop kind of broke eye contact and said “Здравствуйте”. Then I saw my mistake. He had some kind of assistant with him and it wasn’t proper for me to suggest that we were so familiar in another person’s presence. If only I could see around corners I would have saved us all a lot of embarrassment. Of course, I’m totally guessing how everyone felt in that situation. Learning these nuances of greetings in Russian takes years, and will sometimes leave foreigners who have made Russia home for years perennially bewildered.

So, what to do?

I’ve found when I’m unsure how to greet I can always stick with a “Good Morning” or “Good Day” which works for both friends and acquaintances. Plus, Good Morning (Dobroe utro) and Good Day (Dobriy Dyen) can be mastered quickly with just a minimal amount of effort.