Dear Toris



I hope you enjoy

August 10th

Dear Toris,

I know you can't really read this, but, maybe you can. After all, you did give me this journal. So here I am, in my favorite pink sweater and shorts. I just painted my nails, blue. Your favorite color.

August 11th

Dear Toris,

I think they finally accept me. What I wear, I mean. Do you remember when we were younger and first fell in love? Yeah, I remember that too. I would wear pink dresses and you'd smile at me, hug me. You'd comfort me when the others would look down on me, and I really loved you for that.

August 20th

Dear Toris,

I know I took a while to write, 9 days is a lot. And a lot happened. I mean, I finally got that surgery done. The one they tried on you. I'm fine now, but I miss you. I miss you a lot.

September 1st

Dear Toris,

I visited you today. I think you were smiling today, because the sun was shining. I gave you lilies, your favourite flower. Love you.

September 4th

Dear Toris,

You died today last year. I remember it so well, I was sitting by your hospital bed, you were talking and trying to laugh. We remembered our young years. When we skinned our knees falling off our bikes. When we jammed out to eighties music and wore tight pants with loose sweaters. Our head bands flashed in the light as the music boomed through the speakers. I think your brothers got really annoyed, but we didn't care. We're best friends. Best friends that grew into something more. Gradually, too, so I got to know you real well. Even when things got bad, real bad, we would laugh at it and nod at each other.

Ask no questions. Take no sides.

September 5th

Dear Toris,

I can't take it, I miss you too much. I visit you at least two times a day. I can hardly see the words engraved on that tombstone, so many flowers.

September 7th,

Dear Toris,

The funeral home man spoke with me today.

"A friend?" he asked casually, standing behind me as I prayed at your alter.

I looked up, surprised to see him there and nodded. He patted my head. "Well, I'm sure he's laughing right now,"

"Why?"

"Because, he's showered with flowers, and so happy you care so much,"

Are you? Are you really laughing right now? I hope you are, I mean, you should be.

September 10th

Dear Toris,

So he came up to me again, he offered me a jacket.

I think it's habit now, I wake up and eat breakfast. After that I go to the flower shop and buy the flowers. By now the shop owner has them ready so I just have to pay and leave. I come and visit you, I pray, I talk with the man.

Well today, I felt like it was really important I go over and talk to you. So I forgot to check the forecast and left the house with only a t-shirt and jeans. It started raining by the time I got to you.

September 13th

Dear Toris,

I know I try to keep things happy, but I got sick. Maybe from standing in the rain so long. Maybe because I stopped eating.

I don't know, but, just... Eating anything is tiring. I can't sit down without wanting to sleep. I sleep eight hours each night, I get home from work and plop onto the bed. I get ten on my days off.

October

Dear Toris,

I don't know what day it is. I've been kept in my room for a long time. Just now Ivan brought my journal from downstairs. I keep it there, because I'm afraid you'll show up in my dreams.

Not that I don't want you too, I just want to be happy. For you.

I used to sleep with the book in my arms. Even before I started writing, I held it close, thinking maybe it'd be like holding you. You got it for me on my birthday a few years ago, five I think. I tossed it into the closet, thinking nothing of it. I'd walk past it each day, not caring. Thinking, hell, he'll get me a new one next year.

I didn't know then. That that'd be the last present I'd get from you. After that, you started getting sick. The money you wanted to use to but me a present went on hospital bills and medicine.

When I found out you'd have to be staying a long time there, did I realize how stupid I was. I ran to my closet and dug up this book. I sat down and wanted to write, but nothing came out. I ended up ripping out the pages and hiding it in my book drawer.

The day you died, I was lost. I didn't know what was happening. I stopped living, I stopped breathing. You were my oxygen and I was suffocating.

This sure is a longer entry, but I don't know if I can write anymore after today. I have to get another surgery, so I don't know how long it will take me to be able to write again.

We're a funny pair, huh? love you- Feliks

The rest of these pages were never completed.

Hello readers, it's an author's note. Just something I'd like to say.

I got the idea to write this during English class, after listening to "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks.

I guess the real inspiration from something else actually.

My half-sister died in a car crash before I was even born, and I have a journal she kept. It was in letter format, which gave the idea to write in this format.

Thank you very much for reading! It means very much. I know it was short, and rushed, but I had trouble writing this, just wanted the idea out

-icelandyaoiprincess