WHAT does it feel like to have your dreams shattered?

It’s many things. It’s two to three hours sleep each night over the past seven days. It’s hugs and tears. It’s an emptiness. It’s hope restored, only to have it snapped in half two seconds later.

And it’s overwhelming pride in the life I’ve been afforded, gratefulness towards the club I’ve been involved with for the past six years and so, too, what my teammates have achieved as a team this season.

That’s what I told my wife Simone as we drove home from Westmead Hospital last Sunday.

media_camera Michael Ennis considers his injury during the Bulldogs’ preliminary final.

Simone has been right by my side, up and down every path, during my footy career and there she was once again as we pulled out of the hospital, with the X-ray scans of my broken left foot rested on the back seat of the car opposite our gorgeous eight-week old daughter, Evelyn.

There was nothing pretty about the scans. The piercing pain I felt when the injury occurred the night before against Penrith turned out to be two broken bones on top of my foot.

I couldn’t place any pressure or push off my foot. Pain-killing injections would do nothing.

My only ambition this year, to captain Canterbury to the grand final before joining Cronulla next season, was over.

Simone turned to me in the car and said: “It’s just not fair.’’

She was right, it wasn’t fair.

MICK ENNIS RULED OUT OF GRAND FINAL

DOGS IN LOCKDOWN OVER HOOKER SECRET

Grand finals don’t come around every year and, as footballers, that’s our Everest. But then I stopped to think about what really mattered.

So I said — and this will sound cliched — “You know, whatever happens, I’ve been blessed. There are parents sitting in rooms at Westmead (Hospital), with their children who are hoping to see another day. And I’m going to miss a footy game.’’

And so when I’m asked how I feel, win or lose, that’s what I’ll be grateful for. I’ve got four really beautiful, healthy kids and a great family.

DOGS’ DAY: 2004 GRAND FINAL REVISITED

media_camera Michael Ennis celebrates the grand final spot with Reni Maitua.

Being a community ambassador with the Bulldogs, I’ve been fortunate to spend some time with the wonderful people at Camp Quality and also Save Our Sons. And that time spent with them puts everything into perspective.

Sure, I feel extreme disappointment not to be out there. Be sure, that I’ll be riding the boys harder than any of the 82,000 fans, but also — it’s just a footy game.

As footballers, we can often become consumed by our occupation. Football clubs are virtually our second family.

media_camera Michael Ennis will be willing his teammates to win the grand final from the sidelines.

I don’t see our five-eighth Josh Reynolds as a teammate, I see him as a younger brother.

James Graham, our inspirational forward leader, we drive to work every single day together. My kids love him.

I don’t want my mates wanting to do this for me, wanting to give up their premiership rings or anything like that. I want the boys to focus on what has got them here, stick to our formula and play the way we practice.

I want them to finish as premiers of the 2014 season. I’ll be the first to congratulate every one of them.