(sorry about the * at the bottom, for some reason WordPress decided at the bottom that “enter” doesn’t mean anything, I need my shit spaced)

I talk too much. I have as far back as I can remember.

As early as age 11 I remember lamenting this problem.

I hate it when people talk too much, when this happens to me I zone out. I start thinking about other things, and I have been close with others who suffer from this same weakness as me.

Repeatedly throughout my life I am reminded of this problem.

One month, in my weird Christian days, I even attempted a one month vow of silence. It did not go well. I had a lot of drama in my life back then.

Now I see the need again.

Constantly reminded by contact with my Augoiedes (HGA, Dameon, inner genius), who speaks to me of a penetrating silence. A kind of silence which creates a psychic vacuum giving the communication of others to you.

I know one of the reasons I talk too much is because I feel others don’t talk enough.

One anxiety I find worse than that of being talked at by some motormouth like me who goes on and on, is the anxiety caused by someone who sits there silently and contributes nothing to our shared presence.

I am told that there is a Native American tradition of the silent greeting where the people sit and enjoy each other’s presence while speaking.

I am quite sure that most people who disturb me with their silence are not so enlightened, rather there seems to be a strong cowardice among people to even have thoughts, much less share them.

There is a quote from Mark Twain that says:

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

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This seems to be a common maxim followed by many.

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So where does that leave the jabberjaws, the chatterbox, with the burden of providing the entertainment for the stupid psychic vampire you are now stuck with. Of course, only to find yourself being ignored and considering yourself the “fool” who has removed “all doubt.”

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Now is the time of my Vishuddha Chakra.

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This is the Throat Chakra. The Chakras are about channeling energy, specifically the Kundalini energy, which deserves its own post and my own experiences are still at a novice level.

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The energy of my Vishuddha is constantly wasted.

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In vision work with my Chakras my Augoiedes reveals to me a future where I am silent. And light pours out of the mouths of my loved ones.

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I can imagine this may sound a little arrogant. But please understand that my ideas and beliefs are constructive out of a collaborative journey with my loved ones and I don’t have any message which they have not help build themselves.

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I want to give them energy.

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Not take it away through excessive talking.

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So what do I do about the shy and the silent? Good question. In practice I haven’t pulled anything off yet. I still regularly find myself in the hellish nightmare of jabbing my jaws and no one has been listening for quite some time.

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I recently told my best friend at a party that I just provide monologues in case someone might be bored.

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He has since called my behavior in this way “monologuetastic.”

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That shit has got to stop.

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I am beginning a regimen of Vishuddha meditation to help me overcome this.

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I need to be concise. I need to not unleash so much momentum to fill voids of silence. The real secret here, what can make silence penetrating, what can make it truly a form of conversation is that you use it to listen and observe.

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When I am in the presence of some deer in the headlights type, those who are so afraid to make conversation, I will listen with my eyes. I will read them. I will attempt to scan them with my Ajna chakra. My third eye. They will be naked and exposed before me. This should relieve some of my anxiety, and save me from opening the vortex of words so easily generated by my Ruach (the conscious mind in the Qabalah).

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Sorry I am getting a little left-hand pathish, but all the New Ageyness associated with the chakras brings it out in me.

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I also believe that in the True Will (see Thelema) there are often things which are not easy. Which require that the magician domesticate some aspect of their energy to serve the Magician’s Neshamah (the higher consciousness in the Qabalah) not just his

Ruach (the conscious intellect in the Quabalah).

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