Just over a year later, I learned something else. My birth control had failed. I was pregnant with our daughter. My pain specialist immediately dropped me. My obstetrician panicked and tried to get me in with another pain management doctor due to fear of a miscarriage.

I kept hearing how no one would see someone who was pregnant and not already an established patient at their practice. I was referred to a neurologist, but he told my doctor that there was nothing that he could give me that would be safe during pregnancy.

During my pregnancy, the Arachnoiditis symptoms increased tenfold. The burning in my feet and hands became unbearable. I'm one of the "lucky" Arachnoiditis patients who has scar tissue far enough up their spine to effect my arms and hands as well. I began jerking uncontrollably and developed tremors. I spent most of my pregnancy crying and screaming.

We have a beautiful daughter now! She is so sweet and smart! Unfortunately, my symptoms never subsided. I still don't have a pain management doctor. No pain specialist will see me.

I fear I was red flagged for doctor shopping, even though it was just my obstetrician trying to get me treatment. I have finally started seeing a neurologist but until he has reviewed all of my MRIs, no treatment will be given. I won't see him again for another month.

I live in never-ending pain. I rely on family a lot to help care for my children while my husband works. I have come to realize I have no good options at this point. I can continue on in pain and being a total burden to my family, just becoming more burdensome over time.

I could turn to marijuana but it is illegal in my state. My children could be taken away and I could go to prison. I could commit suicide but that would scar my children and further hurt the rest of my family. I am stuck.

There are times I pray for death. I pray for the body I once had. I pray I could be the mother and wife I once was. I pray for anything to make it stop, even for just a little while. I pray for a miracle.