One is a wretched creature, borne from the depths of society’s own ills…and the other is Donald Trump, a businessman. Although I guess that first description could also fit Trump? That might have been funnier. Anyway, who said what?

“All the women flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” “Laziness is a trait in the blacks.” “I AM HUMANITY'S DARKEST REFLECTION…THE PENANCE YOU SHALL PAY FOR A WORLD GONE MAD.” “My name is Donald Trump, and I will be your next President-man.” “THE DISCARDED…THE UNWANTED…THE UNCLEAN…I SPEAK FOR THEM. AND THE TIME OF OUR VENGEANCE IS AT HAND.” “Pa-rum-pa-pum-Trump. That’s my Christmas song. Little Drummer Boy: You’re fired.” “Omarosa…my loyalest, bravest cyborg. Only you can be trusted for this top secret mission. Find out who’s doing all these rapes. You have 24 hours. End Trump-munication” “WE MUST FIGHT TO DEFEND TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE…SO THE HEW-MONS WILL BE TOO DISTRACTED TO SEE THE TIDAL WAVE OF FILTH COMING TO DEVOUR THEM!” “When I look at my poo-poo, it makes me sad to flush it, because it’s like I’m flushing a part of myself. I say, “So long, Trumplets.” “IMMIGRATION IS A COMPLEX ISSUE…THERE ARE NO EASY ANSWERS…ONLY EASY DEATHS, IN MY TRASH-CANO!” “Trump…bump…Gordon Jump…Forrest Gump…the song Lump, by the Presidents of the United States of America…which is gonna be me, vote Trump!” “WELL, JIMMY FALLON, I GUESS THE LAST TIME WE SAW EACH OTHER WAS BACKSTAGE AT SNL 40. YOU WERE SO GREAT, SO FUNNY. AND NOW, TO SUBSUME YOU INTO MY MAW.” “Hey, what about instead of The Klumps…The Trumps? Thinkaboudit!” “Hey, how did that big pile of trash get in my office, in the luxurious Trump Tower?” “AH…WE MEET AT LAST. THE TWO SIDES OF THE MIRROR. THE BEGINING…AND THE END.” “Hey, what if we ran on the same ticket? Trump/Trashnominicus 2016?” “YOU READ MY FUCKING MIND!”