To be taken VERY seriously.

If you have any ideas for inventions, submit them to markdg.com@gmail.com. If your idea is chosen, a donation will be made in your name to The Human Fund. The Human Fund: Money for the People.

BaconHat

Bacon.... anytime!

Also comes with salami.

Note: The bacon pictured above is uncooked. The consumption of raw and uncooked meat is bad for you or something.

The iPhone

For the phonetalker who likes his tunes.

"It's magical. It's revolutionary."

-Hipster douchebag

Headphones not included.

Battery Powered Battery Charger

When no plug is available.

Note: Charging two batteries will deplete batteries used in charger.

Batteries sold seperately.

The Time Shirt

Are you still using a watch?

You DO realize it's 2011 and not 1997, right?

"I used to constantly forget my watch at home. As a pilot, time is very important to me. You know, to make sure flights leave on their scheduled time. Now, I just wear the Time Shirt. It's a bit uncomfortable and the Airline looks down on me for wearing this instead of my uniform, but worrying about time is a thing of the past for me!"

-American Airlines Pilot

Corded Flashlight

Batteries not required!

Perfect for telling ghost stories or looking for your other flashlights.

The ShavieRoo

Brush your teeth and shave at the same time! Saves up to 3 minutes every morning!

"This is quite uncomfortable"

-Brian (pictured above)

The LifteeTalk

Get buff while you socialize!

"I put on five pounds of muscle while talking to the hottest chicks!"

-Douchebag

Coming soon for the Iphone 4

Note: Not available on T-Mobile

The DuoMuggy

Now you can share that morning coffee with your best bud!

"That's fucking stupid."

-Anyone with common sense

The Safety Suit Deluxe

Do you have a fear of falling?

"I was skeptical at first because the original safety suit was made of cheap material. It didn't quite do it for me. But after using the Deluxe for 6 months with no bruises, this is a must-have!

-Paid homeless man

Also available in black, brown and purple

The Roofie

Forgetting your coffee on the roof is a thing of the past!

Perfect for morons.

StringSox

Sick of bending over to put on your socks?

Not anymore!

IpodTowel

Listen to music while you dry off!

Note: Headphones sold seperately.

LaxPencil

Good luck if you make a mistake.

Universal RemotePole

Works on almost anything!

Does not work on Playstation 3.

Note: Batteries not included.

BananaToGo

For the man on the go who enjoys his fruit!

Is that a banana in your pocket? Yes!

Also available: 4-pack and 6-pack!