Yes. A fart tax. And Von Miller is apparently a human fart machine.

Von Miller said the Broncos have a fine system for, um, flatulence in meetings. Said he thinks he's been fined the most. — Nicki Jhabvala (@NickiJhabvala) June 3, 2015

Since I've received numerous inquires about the Broncos' Fart Tax, I'm gonna let Von explain. NFL dieting ain't easy. pic.twitter.com/OTAAaI8t82 — Nicki Jhabvala (@NickiJhabvala) June 3, 2015

Von was never fined by the Broncos. It was just a silly thing among the players. — Nicki Jhabvala (@NickiJhabvala) June 5, 2015

Ah yes, the old "IT'S UNHEALTHY TO HOLD IT IN" gambit. Dear Von Miller and everyone else: just leave the room. Just stick your butt out the doorway. Stop farting everything up all the time.

In conclusion, please sign my White House petition to bring the fart tax to all public places, particularly lines at amusement parks.

★★★

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