Witch Spells to Keep Ruth Bader Ginsburg Alive Forever

Pluck a hair from Mitch McConnell’s head. Flush it with your next period.

Procure a pebble from the front of your local Planned Parenthood. Chuck it into Georgia. If you live in Georgia, or outside of access to an abortion clinic, point yourself in the direction of the nearest courthouse and scream.

Dress in a black robe and bring a gavel whenever you break up with a man who does not deserve you.

Turn off the lights, and burn a candle. Apply a pair of large rimmed-glasses, fashion your hair into a sensible bun, face the mirror, and recite Ginsburg’s concurring opinion from 2016’s Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt.

Fold a paper man and paste an image of Brett Kavanaugh’s face on it. Stand the paper man upright in the middle of an opened copy of The Handmaid’s Tale. Slam the book shut. Repeat with Clarence Thomas.

Sew the word DISSENT into the right corner of all your collars. Sew the word MAJORITY into the left corner of all your collars.

Stealthily take the ID of a proud young man entering a liquor store so that his wife must buy his beer for him. Chant the words of the Equal Protection Clause as you peer around the corner and watch.

Pelosi clap in the direction of a man you suspect of voting for Trump. Do not tell him why.

Hold a plank position while reciting Ginsburg’s Shelby County v. Holder dissent.

Vote in all local, state, and national elections. Whisper, “Oyeoyeoye” as the machine accepts your ballot.