A trio of hasbeen sellouts (Carcass, At the Gates, Mayhem) are headlining the annual beer and metal festival put on by shill metalcore SJW magazine Decibel.

Also playing are grindcore creators Repulsion, glam rockers Sumerlands, hipster whiners Pallbearer, and a bunch of other bands nobody gives as a damn about as they suck. Hessians should stay away; the only band almost guaranteed to put on a good set is Repulsion. Albert Mudrian should shake a bottle of IPA like the phallic infomercial dumbell termed the Shake Weight before cracking it open with his sphincter. What results will make it so the poseurs and buttmunchers who lick him out will get their dose of e. coli bacteria through slurping chilled, grapefruit-tinged sugar water. Hopefully they will all die of dysentery like your party in the Oregon Trail role playing game on the Apple ][ computer.

Tags: At the Gates, beer metal, blast beat network, carcass, cash grab, decibel, festivals, mainstream metal, mayhem, news, poseurs, repulsion, sell outs, shills, sumerlands