Me: “Tech support. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My [expletive] Internet is down; what’s wrong with you people?!”

Me: “Well, let’s find out, ma’am. Do you mind troubleshooting a bit to find out what the problem is?”

Caller: *huge sigh* “Fine, but I’ve checked everything already.”

Me: “Okay. First, let’s look at your modem lights. Do you see the link light on?”

Caller: “No. No lights are on.”

Me: “All right. Can you check the power cable to see if it’s plugged in?”

Caller: “I can’t see anything. The power is out.”

Me: “Well, that might be our problem, then.”

Caller: “What the h*** are you talking about?! This is the exact reason I bought a laptop, for it to work when there is a power outage!”

Me: “Right, but where does your Internet connection come from?”

Caller: “My phone line.”

Me: “Right, and where is that plugged into?”

Caller: “My modem.”

Me: “Right.”

(There’s a pretty lengthy pause, during which I swear I can hear the gears grinding in her head.)

Caller: “F***!” *click*