H&M’s latest offering is exactly what everyone was waiting for: a zip-up skirt with pockets and a decorative hood for your bottom

Welcome to the bum-hood: who thought putting a hood on a skirt was a good idea?

Name: Skirt with a hood.

Location: H&M.

Price: £34.99.

Colour: Light-grey marl.

Appearance: “Short skirt in lightweight organic cotton sweatshirt fabric with a decorative, double-layered drawstring hood at the top. Two-way zip down the front, side pockets and a ribbed hem.”

I’m a bit confused. What are we talking about exactly? It’s a skirt with a hood.

Yes, I got that. So it’s a new kind of garment? That’s right.

Like a hooded minidress? No. It’s a skirt with a hood.

Oh. Well, that’s much clearer. Look, imagine a short skirt made out of grey sweatshirt fabric.

OK. Now imagine it zips up the front, like a hoodie.

All right. I suppose that’s useful when you come off the street into a warm pub and want to quickly take off your skirt. Exactly. Now imagine there is a decorative hood on the back.

What, you mean an extremely long hood that will reach up and over your head? No, just a hood.

Decorating your bum by hanging down over it? That’s right.

Now should I imagine that someone actually wants to wear this thing? That won’t be necessary. It already has four reviews on the H&M website, averaging more than four stars. “Great material and love the style,” says one happy customer.

Does she have an extra head on top of her bum? She doesn’t say. Although another customer has posted a picture of herself on Instagram wearing the skirt and looking very pleased with it.

Any extra heads? One head, conventionally located. She adds some comments too, but they are in Russian, and I think my translation might be missing a few subtleties.

I see. Anyway, it’s not often that a new garment gets invented, and these are early days, but the hooded skirt seems popular so far.

What’s next? Hooded socks? Hooded hats? Why not? Who says clothes can’t be witty and show a sense of fun?

It might also be witty to fill someone’s bum-hood with fallen leaves. It might. And, of course, there are two pockets at the front.

It’s a skirt with pockets too?! Of course. It wouldn’t be any kind of hoodie without two generous pockets on either side of the zip.

That’s fantastic news! Why didn’t you say so? I’m buying eight of them right now. I only hope there are some left.

Do say: “Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable.”

Don’t say: “Excuse me while bend over backwards to put up my hood.”