“Trump’s got about how long, 15 months? Fifteen months to keep the economy from collapsing before the election, so you can expect him to use every trick in the book he has never read.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“He’ll try every financial maneuver he knows: getting a shady loan from Russia, telling his blackjack dealers to stick on a soft 17. And if all else fails? Selling Dr. Trump’s patented anti-recession elixir. The delicious mercury makes you forget what money was.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Even more concerning is that Trump’s allies are worried that he is running out of tools to fix the economy. Running out of tools. When Trump heard that, he was like, ‘Not true, I have Eric and Don Jr. — I have more than enough tools.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“The stock market has been swinging like a tetherball in a typhoon. It’s all because of fears of an economic downturn. In fact, former Treasury Secretary Lawrence Summers puts the odds of a recession at about 50-50. So, you can just flip a coin — no, wait, save the coin! You’re going to need it to buy potable water in the afterscape.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“News of the economy is really hurting Trump’s popularity. A new poll that was just released said Trump’s disapproval rate is at 56 percent. And now I’m really worried. Now I’m really worried Trump might not fix the economy, because he just says, ‘What do the other 56 percent think?’”— JIMMY FALLON