Trump's staff agrees, which is why they do anything they can to keep him off social media. According to a Politico interview with former campaign staffers, the key is constant praise, not unlike how you might tell your dog that he's a good boy for resisting the urge to eat out of the garbage. By putting lots of positive media in front of Trump, he might not feel the need to vomit 140 characters into the world for a bit. Also like a dog, his staff worry about leaving him alone for hours at a time. In Trump's case, that's because he watches too much television, gets annoyed with what he sees, and takes his complaints to Twitter.

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Do they make cones of shame for hands?

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Other techniques for keeping Trump happy have included hanging a map displaying his electoral victory in the West Wing, giving the whole place an eery vibe of "high school quarterback showing off his trophies while his adult life falls apart around him." Trump loves this thing; he's also asked the Washington Post to put it up on their front page, and handed out copies during interviews, months after he was elected. It's all so sad that if he wasn't capable of killing us all, we'd want to cry.

Sometimes the cheerleading is a little less metaphorical. While Trump was giving a speech at the CIA's headquarters, he was passionately cheered ... by non-CIA Trump supporters stuck in the front rows for that specific purpose. This annoyed the CIA, who consider themselves apolitical and, like the rest of us, probably don't appreciate being herded into a meeting to listen to someone complain about how hard and unfair their job is. They were also annoyed that Trump's tiresome, self-serving speech was done in front of the CIA's Memorial Wall.