The opinions of others is the one thing that we have the least control over in our lives. We can only influence them through passing conversations or through rumors we spread about ourselves by our words and actions. Yet, many men today seem to be greatly disturbed by the endless struggle to try and control the opinions of other people. The one, most important, thing that the Stoic philosophy teaches us is that we should only worry about the things which are in our control, these wise words echo through the ages from the mouths of the wisest sages who walked this Earth to the ears of the modern man who is trying to find a way to be the best man he can be. This great Stoic advice, which in my opinion could be the only advice one ever needs to adopt in order to live a good life, directly goes against the notion that we as men should worry about the opinions of other. As I’ve said, this thing is so far out of our sphere of control that spending any time at all thinking about this issue leads to nothing but misery and burn-out.

Though the Stoic sages were indeed wise beyond remark, they lacked the eye-opening perspective of evolutionary biology. Which teaches us that we as humans who are in essence social animals, have evolved in a way that it becomes very important for us to be liked by our tribe in order to survive. Since that higher the impulse of an ancient prehistoric human to become liked among his peers was, the more chance he had of survival in the harsh prehistoric conditions of life. Men who ventured out alone,without the tribe guarding their back usually died before they could reproduce, and thus mother nature selected this trait of “needing to be liked” as a good one that adds to the chances of human survival and added it into our modern minds. This is however, also a double-edged sword. On one hand, being concerned about what opinions other people have about you could help you understand them better, and by doing so help you influence their future decisions in a way that helps your progress in your own goals, on the other hand being a dominant alpha man that most men following my work strive to be in this modern time of weakness and undue comfort, means going alone in a lot of things in your life regardless of what other people may think about you.

This “going at it alone” attitude also has its roots in our ancient history. The leaders of the tribes, the alpha males in the most primitive and natural sense of the word (a word which I discuss in the article Discussing the Concept of The Alpha Male, check it out), were exactly the people least concerned about the opinions of other. They were at the top, they were needed in order for the rest of the tribe to survive, and thus they could allow themselves to act in a way that may displease numerous tribe members, because they knew that the tribe members were powerless compared to them. The alpha leader had to make some hard decisions which the lesser men of his tribe may not understand from their lower point of view, but that would be beneficial to the tribe as a whole in the end. This is the same perspective you have to adopt. In the modern world, your tribe is your family, your community or your band of brothers who are close friends to you and who all have similar goals in life. Every person outside your tribe is irrelevant to your life, with a few of course. Thus, the opinion of the people outside your tribe should be of no concern to you. If they love you that’s great for them, if they don’t that doesn’t effect you in any way, even if you think that it does, that’s just your evolutionary need to be liked talking from deep within your monkey brain. Most of those people don’t see the world from your point of view, I assume that if you are reading this you are at least somewhat dedicated to become the best men you can become in the modern world, thus your point of view is much higher up than theirs, you can see the things to which they are blind. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take advice or critique from people you don’t know, there are a lot of smart people out there who would sometimes like to offer you their perspective, and this is an offer your should take, but for most of the people out there you shouldn’t at all be concerned about what their thoughts and opinions are.

Even the opinions of people from within your group should be questioned from time to time. Not everyone you hold dear might think the same of you. Always be ready to take advice or critique from someone, but always think it through before accept it as your own belief. The hard truth is that not all people from your tribe need to be there. You could actually cut a lot, if not all of those people from your life and still be fine. Still, have an opportunity to grow a new tribe and introduce yourself to new people and their perspectives. If you want’t to become the “alpha male” so to say, opinions of other should mean very little to you, and the only opinions your should take into consideration are either does of men who are obviously much wiser than yourself, and of those who are close to you and who know you well enough to offer some insightful advice without being rude or ill-meaning.

Here’s a helpful video guide to not giving a fuck about other people’s opinion:

One thing that you may find useful in your life, is appearing to be interested in some other person’s perspective in order to further your relationship with them, without actually accepting their opinions. For example, if your boss offers some critique or advice to you, of course you shouldn’t take it most of the time unless it’s something work related. Unless he’s a close friend of yours or is a very wise person, his advice and opinions should mean very little to you, but in order to get on his good side you need to seem as if you value his words greatly. The rejection of other peoples opinions should always be internal first, and later you decide where to tell them to fuck off, or to manipulate them into liking you.

In today’s world of social media, we Stoic men need to be careless about what other people things of us, know who’s opinions you need to validate, whose to accept, and whose to outright reject. It’s your opinion that shapes your life and that’s why it must matter the most to you. Worrying about the opinions that other people hold is worrying about something which is outside of your control, being liked by your tribe is good, but overthinking it too much only leads to you getting to a weaker position of power relative to other men, which isn’t something that you want to avoid at all costs. Your opinion comes first, and you should change it only if you are presented with valid reasons to do so.

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