Once considered to be an over-the-top irritation, pre-movie DVD piracy messages have been proved to be the key factor in defeating organized crime and terrorism. Interviews with drug gang lords and international terrorists have revealed that they are resigned to giving up, now that people have been informed that buying illegally copied DVDs was the one thing that kept them going.

‘Those heavy ads might just seem like some pain-in-the-arse message you can’t skip, however many times you press the fast forward or menu button; but yeah the message is right. Selling fake DVD’s really is the key to our global crime operation.’ One gang leader admitted that heroin trafficking was just a loss-leader that was only set up to deflect police attention away from the serious business of selling low-quality copies of Basic Instinct 2 down the market. Al-Qaeda leaders also admitted that the warning about pirated DVDs funding terrorism was also completely true. ‘Yeah the whole jihad against the decadent west was a smokescreen. What we are really about is earning millions from that bloke in the pub who asks you if you want any cheap Adam Sandler movies.’

A spokesman for Interpol said he was delighted with the response to the messages at the beginning of DVDs – and that 100% of consumers had immediately stopped buying pirated DVDs on learning of their underworld origins. ‘We did fear that people might cynically think that this was just the huge movie companies trying to protect their profits but of course nothing could be further from the truth.’

sparky jim