When you party in the mean streets of Hollywood, you encounter some strange characters. My Ranger buddy “Calvin” picked up a very hot “woman,” which he informed me was a tranny.

Raul: Dude, that fucking tranny was hotter than most chicks. I am genuinely jealous that you picked her up.

Calvin: I know, right? It was really sexually confusing.

Raul: Well, it’s not gay because you weren’t attracted to her masculine features. You were attracted to the parts of her that looked like a hot chick.

Calvin: Still, she told me she had a dick.

Raul: Ewww … fuck that.

Calvin: I figure the only way I could do it is if she and I were both fucking the same chick. The chick could be sucking my dick and she could be fucking her from behind. That way I only see her face and boobs and I can kiss her and play with her boobs.

Raul: So you can go to second base with her? Anything after second base would be gay?

Calvin: Exactly.

Raul: Fuck, yeah. She had some really fucking nice boobs. I wish I could have seen them like you got to.

Calvin: They were really nice.

Raul: I don’t know, man. I wouldn’t be able to get over the fact that she had a dick.

Calvin: That part is sort of gross.

Raul: Maybe if she was post-op it would be easier.

Calvin: Surgeries are pretty good these days.

Raul: Do they actually make it look like a legit vagina?

Calvin: Yeah, man. They use your scrotum skin to replicate the labia.

Raul: What about lubrication? There is no way they can replicate that.

Calvin: I don’t know. Just use lube, I guess.

Raul: Do they still feel pleasure if you fuck them in the pussy? One of the best parts of sex for me is making my woman feel good, and if she doesn’t feel anything, what the hell is the point?

Calvin: I think they use the skin from your dick head to make a makeshift clit. That’s all a clit really is—an underdeveloped dick.

Raul: You think technology will get so good one day that they’ll be able to perfectly create everything about the vagina, even the whole lubrication and pleasure aspect of it?

Calvin: I’m sure it will.

Raul: If I did fuck one, I’d prefer to stay blissfully ignorant.

Calvin: You can always tell by the hands. You can change everything but the hands.

Raul: I’ll fucking keep a lookout for that. I don’t want to fuck a dude.