The kids were wrestling around the other day, my 2 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy, were playing tag and tackle, or some other toddler game. Apparently this game requires alot of jumping off of dad, onto the couch, and each other.

It is justa cacophony of giggles and I’m Gonna Get you’s, squeals and snorts. I tickle, in self defense of course.

At one point, and totally playfully, not in anger, little sister started to plant her little mouth full of baby teeth around her brother’s forearm. To be fair, the forearm was there, conveniently so, doing a face rake on little sisters face, but….

daddy had to bark…. “No! No Bite sister!”

she stopped immediately, She wasnt trying to hurt, but it started a conversation

“No biting guys, ok?” I said seriously.

“Yes dad.” they both reply

“Seriously no biting..” I reiterate.

Milo says”No biting, and no little biting”

“Right buddy, No biting and no little biting. no biting at all.”

“But what about pretend biting?” Milo asks.

I say “Well…”

He continues, “What about tickle biting?”

“Pretend biting and tickle biting?…”. I start to explain, “well, now, even pretending you have to be careful, ya know?.. you have to..”

What about fart bites?”, He interrupts.

“What?” I chortle.

“Fart bites” he reiterates matter of factly.

I look at him shake my head, but say it again any way.. “What?” I almost whisper in a feigned tone of exhasperation.

“FARRRRRT BITES!!!”, he howls, both of them giggling away…

Now I am off into the idea that Fart Bytes might be the next big measurement of Bytes. The kids don’t understand what I am saying, but are gleefully chanting fart Bites! Fart bites! and giggling to the point of falling on the ground. I am still rambling about what number a Fart might be, and egging on the chants… Couldn’t help myself.

Unbeknownst to us, my wife had arisen from her nap, and had quietly come down the hallway, just as the cacophony of fart chanting was getting up to a roar. I turned to see her, stealthily walking back wards, silently mouthing, “No, No, No, No, no.” as she retreated back down the hallway.

As she started to re-enter our room, I finally started to vocalize an explanation, she turned, popped her head back out the door, pointed a finger and said, out loud, and with finality, “NO”, and shut the door.

I wonder if I can con the kids into pretending it didnt happen… convince her she must have had a weird dream?

Probably not, I think Fart Bytes are here to stay…