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Time travelers PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

I received this as spam email. I loathe spam with a fierce, glowing hatred, and delete it all unread. But in this case something compelled me to read beyond the header. I reproduce the contents here because it is simply a classic. It is all wonderful, and I especially love the P.S.!

Interestingly, I received it a few days after I had put up my review of Tips for Time Travellers. Coincidence?

Being spam, it has no attribution. If you know it, could you email it to me for inclusion? Thanks.

Time travelers PLEASE HELP!!!!!! If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help! My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!!

I have suffered tremendously and am now dying! I need to be able to: Travel back in time.

Rewind my life including my age back to 4.

Be able to remember what I know now so that I can prevent my life from being tampered with again after I go back. I am in very great danger and need this immediately! I am aware that there are many types of time travel, and that humans do not do well through certain types. I need as close to temporal reversion as possible, as safely as possible. To be able to rewind the hands of time in such a way that the universe of now will cease to exist. I know that there are some very powerful people out there with alien or government equipment capable of doing just that. If you can help me I will pay for your teleport or trip down here, Along with hotel stay, food and all expenses. I will pay top dollar for the equipment. Proof must be provided. Please be advised that any temporal device that you may employ must account for X, Y, and Z coordinates as well as the temporal location. I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilitys and is useless without a vortex. If you can provide information on how to create vortex generator or where I can get some of the blue glowing moon crystals this would also be helpful. Also if you are one of the very, very, few beings with the ability to edit the universe PLEASE REPLY!!! Only if you have this technology and can help me please send me a (SEPARATE) email to: Robby0809@aol.com Please do not reply if your an evil alien!

Thanks

After I had decided to put this up on my Web site, I did a quick Google to find any other recipients who thought it good enough to mention. There are a few other sites, but the best one is at Joey deVilla's Hall of Shame, which includes the following beautiful "reply" (enhanced by its links, only some of which still work)