CHICAGO—Realizing that dramatic overcompensation was the best way to lift the tension, claims adjuster Ben Carroll committed to being excessively nice for the next 45 minutes to his friend, Thomas Ball, whom he had just snapped at. “The only way to fix this is to laugh at his jokes—which are never funny, by the way—and buy his next couple drinks, even though he never pays for mine,” said Carroll between complimenting Ball on his shirt, hair, and “general vibe.” “Maybe I should crack a joke about how I just lost it on him. That might do the trick. If he had just clapped back at me this wouldn’t even be a thing. Thomas can be so aggravating sometimes. No, most of the time.” Carroll was later overheard resigning himself to being nice for three additional weeks after losing his shit with Ball for misremembering a quote from The Godfather.

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