WASHINGTON—Still seething with anger nearly 90 years after the announcement, the U.S. populace revealed Monday that they were still outraged that the 1933 Oscar for Best Picture went to historical epic Cavalcade rather than the pre-code comedy Lady For A Day. “Look, Cavalcade was a fine popcorn flick, but better than Capra’s Lady For A Day? Really? I’m sorry, but I’ll never forgive the Academy for that horseshit decision,” said New York resident Elliot Spencer, who echoed the near-unanimous sentiment of 323 million Americans in noting that not a day has gone by since the 1933 awards when he doesn’t find himself shaking with rage at the insult of depriving director Frank Capra the industry’s top honor and to instead reward such a paint-by-the-numbers, pandering piece of filmmaking. “The other day, I had a screaming match with a friend who said Cavalcade wasn’t really that bad. Seriously? I can’t think of a single greater injustice than seeing that hack Frank Lloyd onstage stealing Best Picture from Capra. God, I’m getting so fucking angry right now just remembering it.” At press time, the entire nation was stressing that they did think Green Book probably deserved to win this year.

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