Last night while I was watching the Yankees season end at Yankee Stadium I was not sending out the most optimistic of tweets. I mean the Red Sox were on the verge of advancing to the ALCS and popping champagne on our home field. There’s really not that many worse images to put in my brain. The good people at Twitter saw my tweets spiraling down a dangerous path and sent me a “Don’t Jump” email. Hey Hubbs we saw you are literally dying at Yankee Stadium, please don’t kill yourself, that would be bad.

So fitting, so perfect. I’ve never seen someone get this kind of email and there are a lot of depressed people on the Twittersphere. When your team loses in sports and you are invested like I am, there is nothing worse than the people who say “it’ll be okay!” and “sorry about the game, there’s always next year!” I fucking despise those people. My mom used to be one of those people until she got the message that I hate those words more than I can describe. Now she knows to stay away. Of course there will be a next year, and the Yankees aren’t going anywhere in terms of being a World Series contender, but for now I’m going turn into Winter Hubbs and succumb to the darkness. Hey Twitter you thought those tweets were depressing? Just wait until I’m in a Boston bar this weekend and the Sox are somehow beating the Astros. Then we can really dance.