Welcome to what everyone is contractually obliged to call the season's curtain-raiser. The thing is, it's not, is it? It's more or less a glorified friendly, in which the losers wander off knowing it didn't really mean anything at all, while the winners have that peculiar sense of having won a cup, without knowing really what for.

Even the Sky Sports hype machine has hardly gone into overdrive about this one, only registering a five on the Super Sunday Silly Sport Ballyhoo Big Up Nonsense-o-meter. Not that we'd want to suggest you did anything other than read this, right here, right now.

Teams? Teams:

Chelsea: Cech; Ivanovic, Carvalho, Terry, A Cole; Mikel, Essien, Lampard, Malouda; Anelka, Drogba.

Subs: Hilario, Ballack, Bosingwa, Deco, Kalou, Alex, Belletti.

Manchester United: Foster; O'Shea, Ferdinand, Evans, Evra; Park, Carrick, Fletcher, Nani, Berbatov, Rooney.

Subs: Kuszczak, Owen, Giggs, Scholes, Fabio Da Silva, Valencia, Gibson.

Still, it's hard to care when it's still the cricket season, isn't it? Or maybe it's welcome respite from this sort of thing.

What do the teams tell us dept? Chelsea's lineup suggests that Carlo Ancelotti is just going to carry on with the team he's inherited. There's not a single new signing on display with Zhirkov - who sounds very exciting - unfit. It'll be interesting to see how his diamond formation prevails, it hasn't ever worked very well before at Chelsea.

Still, with few wide players on the pitch, it's odd to see Bosingwa on the bench and Ivanovich on the pitch at right back. You'd have thought Ancelotti would require both full backs to be bombing up and down the touchline since Malouda is the only attacking wide player in the midfield. Surely the Portuguese is far better equipped to be doing that than Ivanovich.

Fergie appears to be playing an out-and-out 4-4-2 with Rooney restored to the middle alongside Berbatov. The bench, with Giggs, Scholes and Owen, looks more like the sort of line-up his rival Ancelotti would have favoured as a starting team at his old club, the Milan pensioners' club.

Ability-to-speak-English watch: Ancelotti proves himself perfectly capable of talking bland pre-match platitudes in perfect footballese and without the aid of a translator when faced by the Sky cameras. Good stuff.

Jamie Redknapp has proved himself perfectly capable of talking nonsense in the Sky studios. He says he's looking forward to seeing some new faces. He'll struggle today. The only new signing who can possibly get on the pitch is Owen. Let's be honest, that's not really a new face, is it?

Oh and Valencia. He's a new face. I forgot about him.

Quite excitingly there's a coach on fire in the Wembley car park. I'd bring you pictures but the only photographer enterprising enough to have taken any isn't one we're allowed to use. Safe to say, it wasn't a team coach and the flames seem to be emanating from the toilet section. Crikey.

The teams are out and are getting the big build-up from the Wembley stadium announcer. The United players each get bigger cheers from the crowd than that of the Chelsea side. [Tired joke ahoy] As you'd expect from United's London-based support.

We're off: After a minute of cheering in memory of Bobby Robson, Chelsea get the game underway. Mike Cameron reminds me that "it's a shield mate, not a cup! And it certainly gives the fans some bragging rights for the start of the season." The first point is a good one, the second though is less so. Can you really brag about winning the Community Shield?

2 min: It's a fairly frantic and untechnical start, in which Chelsea scramble the ball about between themselves. They work it to Drogba who, from long range gets a decent skimming shot off that's easily saved. Worth a pop, though always unlikely to go in.

4 min: Berbatov gets a yellow card for sticking his foot out as Mikel was trying to take a free-kick. It doesn't get more needless than that.

5 min: Berbatov then makes amends by linking up with Rooney. For a split second he had a brilliant chance to strike before John Terry made a last-minute lunge to remove the ball from his feet. Chelsea go up the other end and Rio Ferdinand gives away a cheap corner which ... oooh ... Ivanovic heads onto the under-side of the bar, from where it bounces clear!

6 min: On closer inspection, Ivanovic actually thrust out a foot and Evra, standing on the line, headed it onto the under-side of the bar and then clear.

9 min: United send over a deep cross which Cech claims while reaching and tumbling backwards. Chelsea have started the brighter here. Mike Cameron is getting this 'joke' printed because he is the sole person to have emailed so far. To make this sort of thing stop, other people should email me too. "Us Scots are enjoying this one: what's an Aussie's favourite food? English Crumble."

GOAL! Chelsea 0-1 Manchester United (Nani, 9 min): Nani taunted Ivanovic with the ball then, with the Chelsea right back distracted by an over-lapping run from Evra, Nani aimed a gentle-ish sighter at the goal from distance. Neither Terry, who could have stuck a foot out, nor Cech, who could have saved it, cover themselves in glory and it fires into the bottom corner.

12 min: What was I saying about Chelsea being on top? Ivanovic, incidentally, has just clumsily fouled Evra as he blusters up the wing. He looks out of his depth. Ivanovic, that is.

14 min: The cross comes over from the free-kick and Chelsea clear before United get the ball back and concentrate their attacks down the left, focussing on Ivanovic who is looking a liability at the moment. He picks up a yellow card for another foul and Nani clips in a free kick from out wide that Chelsea struggle to clear. "Dear Tom, Petr Cech's new fluorescent striped kit and head gear makes him look like a character from Tron," points out Damien Neva.

16 min: O'Shea steals the ball from Chelsea and feeds Berbatov down the right. His cross finds Rooney at the back post and, rather than head for goal, he did the sensible thing and nodded it to Park, whose shot is just saved by Cech. At the other end, Drogba barged his way past Evans but his shot is well saved.

18 min: Berbatov is in again. Park slips it past Mikel and Berbatov latches onto it before forcing Cech to make a briliant save. United are now all over Chelsea. "The only reason we put up with the pointless Community Shield is that we are so pleased to see the return of football," reckons Andrew Sherman.

20 min: Chelsea are struggling to get on the ball at all now. Lampard has been entirely anonymous, Malouda doesn't appear to be on the pitch and who knows where the hell Anelka is. Essien, however, is his usual all-action self and he takes the ball from Evra before being fouled by the United left-back.

22 min: Rooney fires in a shot from a long way out, but it's charged down. Malouda finally gets himself onto the ball and then, in the face of a bit of a nudge from O'Shea, he goes down in a heap. From the free-kick, the ball is worked to Ivanovich, who crosses from near the halfway line and Foster claims easily.

23 min: Ah, there's Anelka. He slides a ball into the box from the right wing towards Drogba and Lampard but Fletcher is back to clear into touch. "The photo is actually of Ancelotti demonstrating Chelsea's new $500m time machine which will transform their ageing squad into teenagers again - apparently it was cheaper than buying new players," emails Ben Bamford.

25 min: Anelka is hustled off the ball by Evra but Chelsea keep possesion. They slip it to Ivanovic who is a long way up the Chelsea right flank, thus making it a further mystery as to why he's playing instead of Bosingwa if that's the idea. Ivanovic loses the ball, inevitably, and it allows United to play Park in a minute later. Carvallho clears brilliantly for a corner.

28 min: Malouda misses an absolute sitter. Drogba chipped a beautiful ball over the entire United defence to find the Chelsea winger on the back post. He slashes at it, though, and it goes careering into the crowd. "Please remind Mr Sherman (18 min) that the proceeds go to CHARITY, so it's hardly pointless. I guess his team has never won it, eh?" says serial emailer Mike Cameron, who is a Scot and therefore can't really claim his team has won it either.

30 min: Malouda flattens Fletcher, though it's hard to see how. He didn't actually appear to touch him. Perhaps it was his aura. Ivanovich, meanwhile, is forced to do some tidying work after a hospital back pass. He puts a leaden foot through the ball and hoofs it up the pitch. It comes back attached to a United player.

32 min: Malouda spins up the left and slips it outside to Cole. He sends over a good, deep cross which appears to be about to land on Evra's head until Essien arrives at full speed and late. His header is powerful but inaccurate. Next, Foster gets a tame back pass and, with Drogba rushing at him, he only just manages to get the ball away before the Ivorian can pounce. He lets the Chelsea man have the benefit of his sharp tongue a second later.

34 min: Drogba very nearly catches Foster dallying over a back pass again. He charges down his kick but, when the ball balloons up in the air, it fails to fall favourably for the Chelsea striker.

35 min: Nani makes a very sharp, very incisive run into the Chelsea box. There are four opposition players around him and he beats them all. He does run out of pitch, though, and can only shoot into the side netting. "What do you make of each team's new kits?" asks David Wall. "Lampard isn't very flattered by Chelsea's figure hugging number, but Berbatov seems to be doing well with United's Go-Faster-Chevron: he's never looked so active around the field."

36 min: Lampard feeds Anelka on the left. He cuts inside past O'Shea and shoots for the top corner. It looks like it's going in, too, until Ferdinand gets the top of his head to the ball to deflect it over for a corner.

38 min: From the corner, the ball is very nearly steered into the net off the unwitting Carvallho's chest. However, John Terry was clambering all over Fletcher, so the referee blows up for a United free kick.

39 min: It's fair to say that Chelsea's diamond formation isn't working very well. Lampard, as has just been pointed out on the telly, has had to drop back deeper to pick up the ball. It means that, when Anelka - as he does there - slips the ball past the United back four, there's no-one there to run onto it. "With half an hour of the season gone, Chelsea's diamond looks more like cubic zirconia," chortles Damien Neva.

40 min: A snap shot from Anelka, on the edge of the box, beats the keeper but curls from left to right away from Foster's left-hand post.

42 min: Drogba takes the ball into his feet, spins and tries to run onto the ball. It goes to Ferdinand though, who looks a yard or so off the pace of the game. It means Drogba very nearly hustles the ball back off him. However, United clear and Evra charges up the left wing. He pings it into Berbatov and Terry is forced to clear behind for a corner.

43 min: From the corner, Fletcher takes the ball - entirely unmarked - on the wide left-hand edge of the penalty box. He fires in a shot that is just about to drop under the cross bar until Cech's flailing hand tips it over the bar. Chelsea clear the subsequent corner.

45 min: At one end, Nani and Rooney fail to combine when presented with a good chance, so Chelsea take advantage by going up the other end, crossing into the box, and winning a corner. Foster claims. Breathlessly, the ball is driven up the other end and Berbatov crosses for Park. Cole puts a diving header behind for a corner. "As a Chelsea supporting cricket fan, I want to trade my sporting life in," writers Julian Menz. "Maybe I could be reborn a Scot, so I can laugh at other nations out of sheer desperation. Get a grip Mike Cameron (9 min). No-one down here laughs when the caber is tossed askew."

And that's half-time: It's been an open game in which both teams have had chances. The better of them have fallen to Manchester United and it's fair that they're ahead. It could be 2-2 or even 3-3, in all honesty. A good game, though not one packed full of skill as yet.

On the subject of punditry: Mark Taylor may well have been waiting all summer to get this off his chest. The subject of his ire is Mr Jamie Redknapp. "We have just seen four wonderful Ashes Tests, with insightful, enlightening commentary, commentators who are not afraid to criticise respectfully and enhance the game for the viewer. And now the football season has started, same channel, but almost the exact opposite in terms of product, cliches, hype, fawning idiotic commentary from braindead sycophants who played the game yet seem to have no better understanding than your average armchair fan. I get so angry when I see him talking about football I have to leave the room, he is so offensive to my eyes and ears it doesn't make sense at all."

Kit talk: "It seems to me that Manchester United have created a shame kit," says Dan Weingrod. "The black chevron does a great job of highlighting the Nike logo, but more clearly points directly to the embarrassing AIG logo that they will need to endure for another season."

Meanwhile ... "The Chelsea kit appears to have pads built into the chest area like a cheap Superman fancy dress outfit," adds Steve Binder. "Who are they trying to kid?"

Subs: Ancelotti has finally seen sense. Bosingwa is on for Ivanovic. Pah! Super manager indeed. I called that one before the game started. And I'm an idiot.

Here we go again: Rooney kicks off with Berbatov. The Bulgarian then controls a wildly hoofed long ball from O'Shea (I think) with unbelievable precision. Mikel is so impressed he hacks him down to provide United with a dangerous free-kick. Drogba clears it, though.

48 min: Malouda plays it to Lampard who's very advanced by the left hand corner flag. He drags it back and then plays a beautiful slide-rule ball back to Malouda. But he takes too many touches and can't cut it across to anyone from the byline. "Your Nani/gravity pic - what an unfortunately placed right arm by the shirtless guy wearing jeans," sniggers Andrew Smith.

50 min: Bosingwa crosses early into the United box. Unfortunately he does it so early that there's not a single Chelsea player in the penalty area. Then Berbatov, at the other end, races at the Chelsea area. He nearly slips the ball through to Rooney but it's cleared. It then falls again to Rooney who tees up a shot, only for it be blocked by a sprawling Ashley Cole with what appears to be his gentleman's area.

51 min: Ashley Cole and John Terry engage in a spot of shouting at the goalkeeper. Both of them felt Cech should have been a bit more decisive in coming forward to claim a through ball. That's not a very good sign. Cech waggles three fingers at Cole in return.

GOAL! Chelsea 1-1 Manchester United (Carvalho, 52 min): Lampard and Malouda combine in the box, before the Frenchman chips up a cross. Drogba goes in with the keeper and the ball breaks free to the Chelsea centre-back who eluded Nani to surge into the box and send a low header into the net.

55 min: Foster is looking very nervous out there. When he went in with Drogba for the ball that led to the goal, he made a bit of a mess of the claim. He's also been shaky when faced with two back passes. Although, to be fair, I'd feel a little iffy if I saw Didier Drogba bearing down on me.

57 min: Anelka nails one straight at Foster from distance. That was hit unbelievably well and, a foot or so either side, and things might have been interesting. Malouda then attempts to do the same but, once again, flays it into Row Z. Having just said Foster came off second best against Drogba, the striker is currently off the pitch being treated after his challenge with the keeper.

60 min: Malouda crosses to the centre-spot where Drogba, who seems fit enough, just fails to get his head on to the ball while leaping over Evans. Julian Menz has just emailed to say something that's probably far too libellous to print. Mostly it's to do with the cruelty of the Manchester United fan in the picture above who has seen fit to dress two of his children in United red and one in Chelsea blue. Although, perhaps on closer inspection, it might be a United away strip.

62 min: Terry half chops Nani down, who looks like he's hurt his shoulder quite badly in the challenge. Nothing too malicious in the tackle but he could have timed it better. Chelsea are booed for continuing to play as he looks in a great deal of pain and, eventually, has to come off for Valencia.

64 min: Malouda is starting to make himself more useful on the left wing. He chips over a cross after linking well with Drogba. It's cleared, falling to Essien on the edge of the box. He can't provide one of his long-range screamers though and United work the ball up to their attackers, who have been quiet for the last quarter of an hour.

65 min: The Chelsea diamond doesn't appear to have the best shape about it. Malouda is drifting wide on the left but no-one is on the right. Certainly Essien appears unwilling to head out there. Perhaps that's why Ballack is brought on for Mikel, allowing Essien to slip back into the holding midfield role. It remains to be seen whether Ballack will much want to play wide-ish right, though.

67 min: Ballack's first contribution is to go bundling into Evra and go down, clutching his ribs. He seems alright though. Now Lampard's on the ball, with United stretched. He clips it to Anelka but he loses the ball.

69 min: Ballack's introduction seems to have opened up some space. While he's not playing very wide, he is wider than Essien was playing. Meanwhile, Anelka is doing a lot of unglamorous work up front, allowing Drogba to be the blunderbuss. I'd tell you about Manchester United but they've hardly been on the ball for the last 10 minutes.

GOAL! Chelsea 2-1 Manchester United (Lampard, 70 min): That's not going to go down very well. Ballack body-checked Evra on the halfway line. United had possession so the referee played advantage while Evra lay in agony. With the advantage over, Chelsea claimed the ball and Drogba ran it up the other end to a chorus of calls to put the ball into touch. He ignores them and slips the ball across the top of the box to Lampard. Unmarked, he shoots and, though Foster gets a hand to it, it goes into the corner.

72 min: Evra appears to be fine, by the way. He takes on Ballack again and wins a corner. Rooney takes it and Cech claims from a tame shot. There's a bit of needle now and the Manchester element of the crowd are getting very upset when either Ballack, Drogba or Lampard get near the ball.

75 min: Manchester United are preparing a raft of substitutions. Owen, Giggs, Scholes and Fabio are on. Park, Berbatov, Fletcher and O'Shea are off. Owen and Rooney up front for United. There is something quite exciting about that. I'm not sure why.

77 min: While everyone's busy looking at Michael Owen, Drogba simply surged up the pitch and fired a snap shot low to Foster's right. The keeper only just manages to get down to it to keep the ball out. Evra has been made to look a lot less threatening since Bosingwa's introduction, by the way.

78 min: Malouda is off for Deco. Lampard moves back to go to the left of the diamond, while Deco goes to its point.

81 min: Dropped further back, Lampard is able to get onto the ball and he carries it up the pitch only to see his shot charged down. It's all Chelsea at the moment and they seem to be finding lots of room up the pitch. Evra doesn't like it and he exacts his revenge on Ballack for his body check earlier. He slams into him at full pace, sending the German flying and earning himself a yellow card. That probably makes them square. Aside from the goal, obviously.

81 min: "So ... looks like Foster is rubbish after all - poor distribution, weak on crosses, and now not even a good shot stopper. England better hope Joe Hart gets some practice at Birmingham," writes Mark Vance. That may be a bit harsh but he hasn't looked very confident so far. Meanwhile, Owen gets his first touch. He can't bring the ball under control and it bounces off his toe for a throw in, deep in Chelsea territory.

83 min: The Ballack-Evra nonsense continues with the German bringing the Frenchman down. Referee Chris Hoy tells them to stop being silly, allowing Ancelotti time to swap Anelka for Kalou. United then threaten the Chelsea goal. They pass around outside the box before Essien is forced to clear a cross with a strong diving header. Then, after it is played back in, Rooney tries to loop a header into the goal. Cech watches carefully as it lands on top of the goal netting.

86 min: Owen's next contribution is to go up for a header with his hand, for which he earns a yellow card. Cech lifts the free kick up the pitch and it's put out for a throw-in. "Completely agree with Mark Taylor re. Jamie Redknapp's sycophancy," writes Tom Hopkins. "Can I add to that Andy Gray's pomposity? At least Botham occasionally comes up with an interesting point, Gray just regurgitates tired old bar-room wisdom as if he's some kind of oracle."

89 min: The ball is launched into the Chelsea box from a United free-kick. Cech came charging out but Owen beat him to the ball. It skims off the striker's head, on the penalty spot, and into the keeper from where it goes straight up in the air and is cleared. Nearly a debut goal for little Mickey.

90 min: The United bench have the looks of people who are pretending the Community Shield doesn't matter. The Chelsea bench have the look of people who are pretending it does. Carvalho, fresh from winining the man of the match award, cynically challenges Michael Owen who very nearly bursts past him and into the box. Cech claims the ball and, as he's throwing it out, Drogba grabs his arm and tells him slow play up. He gets shouted at by the keeper for his troubles.

GOAL! Chelsea 2-2 Manchester United (Rooney, 90min +1): Rooney is just about onside as Giggs plays the ball past the Chelsea back line, who are very high. Rooney rushes onto it and chips it over the keeper.

That's full time: It'll go to penalties.

Alex Ferguson is on the pitch chatting away with the referee. Is that allowed? I'm not really sure. The first half was United's, the second half was definitely Chelsea's, which probably means the draw is fair. Were this any other competition, you'd say Rooney's last minute goal would be heartbreaking for the Chelsea side. Except it's the Community Shield, so nobody (i.e. John Terry) is exactly staring, teary-eyed, into the middle distance.

There's a lot of admin going on: The referee and his assistants are comparing notebooks feverishly. No idea why. Lampard is stepping up to take the first penalty.

GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Manchester United: Lampard goes straight down the middle. Foster dives to his left.

SAVED! Chelsea 1-0 Manchester United: Cech saves with his legs from Giggs's penalty. Giggs doesn't look like he gives one.

GOAL! Chelsea 2-0 Manchester United: Ballack, ice cool, sends it low into the left hand corner. Foster had no chance.

GOAL! Chelsea 2-1 Manchester United: Carrick places it into the top, right-hand corner. Cech went the right way but couldn't reach it.

GOAL! Chelsea 3-1 Manchester United: Drogba goes for power and slams it left as Foster goes right. Evra is booed as he steps up.

SAVED! Chelsea 3-1 Manchester United: That was one of the worst penalties I've ever seen. Evra just rolled the ball gently towards the goal and, almost with derision, Cech just fell on it.

GOAL! Chelsea 4-1 Manchester United: Deco wanted to take the penalty but wasn't on the list. Kalou is, though, and he puts it high to Foster's left. The keeper went the wrong way and Chelsea take the shield.

A peculiarly anticlimactic end: The United players do look upset to have lost this, which at least suggests they were really playing to win. The Chelsea players have the grace not to over celebrate what's a fairly minor trinket. However, if both teams were playing to win, then it does, I suppose, give some idea as to what we can expect for the rest of the season: both teams are strong, both are competitive but neither seem entirely easy with their formation. There's also the fact that United may have lost the fear factor. They didn't really have a player today who truly worried the Chelsea defence in the way Ronaldo once did.

The Ancelotti reign starts with a trophy, he can add it to the pre-season friendly cup Chelsea won in America. He can store them both on the shelf marked 'Not going to keep you in a job if this is all you finish the season with'.

Terry leads the team up the Wembley steps, which seem to be irritatingly spaced so as to make two-at-a-time too much of a stretch, but one-at-a-time too little. He opts for one or two little skips then the odd lunge.

Thanks for your emails: That's the new season underway. See you here for the next 10 months, then.