Photograph: U.S. Court of Appeals/Handout via Reuters

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Contradicting their professed interest in creating jobs, Senate Republicans resolutely refused to put even one American to work this week.

The Republicans, in fact, went to extreme lengths to prevent a single job from being filled, thus risking being called job-killers during an election year.

“You have a job opening and a highly qualified applicant, but you’re blocking the applicant from taking the job?” Secretary of Labor Thomas E. Perez said. “That doesn’t sound like you’re very interested in creating jobs.”

While voters across the country questioned why Republicans would refuse to let even one American find employment, Washington insiders speculated that G.O.P. senators did not want to do anything to contribute to the improving jobs picture while Barack Obama is still President.

“Under President Obama, the economy has added over nine million jobs,” one insider said. “The last thing the Republicans want to do is give him credit for one more.”

According to Senate sources, the Republican leadership is hoping that the job applicant, a sixty-three-year-old male, will eventually become discouraged and give up looking for work.