Let us begin with the undisputed facts.

At one point, in the deposition of one Roberto Pieraccini,[1] plaintiff’s counsel Valeria Calafiore Healy told opposing counsel, “I think you should take a fucking break. You should take — take a fucking break” and, at this point, a substantial amount of coffee ended up on opposing counsel, Venable partner Tom Wallerstein.[2]

Let that sink in like iced coffee oozing into a fine suit.

The stories diverge over whether Healy spilled the coffee inadvertently while slamming it on the table, or whether she hurled it at him like she was catching a wild Mewtwo.

Hours after the deposition, Healy sent a letter addressed to Judge Haywood S. Gilliam, Jr. and Magistrate Judge Donna Ryu, describing “an altercation” earlier that morning:

I became upset and slammed my coffee cup on the table, causing the remains of my 2-hour old iced coffee to spill over the table and allegedly over Mr. Wallerstein’s jeans, even though I was not close to Mr. Wallerstein.

Hm. Given that the transcript records her contemporaneously saying, “I did throw a cup of coffee at you” and her witness testifying “I saw a coffee flying,” there’s an argument that this letter presents a sanitized version of the event. UPDATE (7/21/16 10:33 a.m.): Healy disputes the accuracy of the transcript on this point, which would explain the seeming inconsistency. An audio recording of the deposition will ultimately resolve this.

UPDATE (7/22/16 11:53 a.m.): Wallerstein filed a notice with the court agreeing with Healy that “I did throw a cup of coffee at you” was inaccurately transcribed and that the reporter should have written “I did not throw a cup of coffee at you.” So that resolves at least this part of the dispute: Healy’s contemporaneous statements do not clash with her position now.

Healy argues that she was upset with Wallerstein over persistent disrespect — per the transcript, the line that set off these events was “… please be quiet.” There’s something to be said for the subtle discrimination of silencing women in the legal profession. There is, however, also something to be said for the court having already written a sternly worded order chastening Healy for her “repeated inappropriate conduct” in connection with objections in this case.

Needless to say, Wallerstein’s sanctions motion, filed yesterday, departs from Healy’s account:

There was no “altercation” at the deposition because the outburst was entirely one sided; Almawave’s counsel did not raise his voice or engage in violence in any way. And Loop’s counsel did not slam her coffee cup “on the table” and it did not “spill over the table;” rather, Loop’s counsel threw it across the table during a violent, expletive-laden tirade.

Hey, at least it was iced coffee.[3] To read the transcript and Wallerstein’s account, a hot coffee spill would have sent him back to San Francisco scarred and disfigured, roaming the halls as the Phantom of Venable — a creature of litigation prowess none dare look upon! Or something like that.

Relations between counsel may now be so strained that even a Frappuccino couldn’t conceal the bitterness, but the only third-party in the room, the court reporter checked into the fray to offer an unbiased assessment in a declaration filed with the sanctions motion:

I witnessed Attorney Calafiore Healy stand up and then start to exit the conference room. She then threw a large cup of iced coffee across the room. It landed on a chair beside Attorney Wallerstein. I saw that the coffee was all over the chair, the rug, dripping down Mr. Wallerstein’s suitcase, across the width of the suitcase, on his phone, computer, and on the table. I saw that the side of his shirt and his pants were also wet.

Per PACER, Judge Gilliam has already asked for corroborating materials, so it looks like this is going to have a resolution in the near future.

In the meantime, I’d advise all parties that appropriate attire for the next deposition is not “business” or “business casual” (and certainly not “jeans,” the hell?), but, what I like to call, “Gallagher Show Chic.” This simple move could save us all a lot of time.

(The documents are available over the following pages. Healy’s initial letter, Wallerstein’s motion, the Court Reporter’s declaration, and the transcript…)

[1] During the deposition, Pieraccini says “Can I say something? I am a scientist. I’m a technologist. I’m a very important person.” What’s “a technologist”? That sounds like a made-up title you’d give to Hank Pym or something. This doesn’t really relate to the rest of the story, but it was just weird. It’s on page 45 of the transcript.

[2] Full disclosure: Tom Wallerstein previously wrote about small firms for Above the Law when he served as a partner at Colt-Wallerstein.

[3] Unlike the poor opposing counsel in Pan American Grain, 193 F.R.D. 26, 32 (2000), who got hot coffee thrown on them by plaintiff’s president.

Joe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.