Final Rating: 5 outta 5 Banana Peel Flavored pudding cups.

50 Cent has been up to his KingTrollSupreme antics for a while now, not particularly in the same fashion as his Ja Rule beefs or Kanye sales challenges, but none the less he has returned. And with him came a new album. "Animal Ambition" has little to no expectations set for it in 2014, it's just been too long Fif. This is good and bad depending on how Fif plays his hand. It could be a fresh new sound from Fif that old fans appreciate and new fans become fans of, or it could be a complete mess like Busta's Year of the Dragon flame-gone edition sounding project.

Not much promotion has been put into this, as a matter of fact the biggest push for the album came from the reunion of G-Unit at Summer Jam. Not really a bad look but still a very brisk one. This isn't even the only album 50 Cent is releasing this year either. While Animal Ambition is his 5th album, Street King Immortal is supposed to be his sixth and has a release date of 10.28.14. Curtis Timberlake is trying his hand at the double split LP, and let me reassure you this album is not the 20/20 Experience part 1.

Let's get into it.

The Album Cover - Is lazy as shit. Period. Every album cover for the singles is even more lazy. Googling "Fierce Lion" and using that as an album cover, Sir? No Bueno.

Hold On – Is not a bad song, it just came out at a bad time for 50 Cent –about 5 years too late. Interestingly enough, it is the most he’s ever sounded like Ma$e. The beat is pretty simple background music for storytelling but really, what stories does 50 have left to tell us? Is he going to lyrically verse us through his business meetings or creating funny IG videos mocking other gangsta rappers he shares a shelf with at Best Buy?

Don’t Worry Bout It – Is Atrocious. Worry about it! If God believed anything could be god-awful, this song would be #1 Stunta on that list of debauchery and sonic fuggary. I’ve never heard an artist sound so lost in whatever direction he was going. What a jingle-Djangle of failure this is. There should be caption at the bottom of the screen with the ball bouncing for this song if they make a video. Damn song sounds like you’re trapped in a pinball machine listening to The Amazing Cooings of Curtis Jackson.

Animal Ambition – Has everything but ambition. I swear I heard this same song on some Nintendo DS version of Indian Jones. Does he roar out the “tion” part of Ambition? When you start asking questions like this about the album you purchased it is now a chew toy for your favorite, most destructive pet.

Pilot – Has a very dope beat, perfect for 50 Cent. Too bad the rapping sounds like “50” stands for his age. 50 Cent was once in Forbes highest paid nignogs, so why he felt it necessary to say “I’m turnt up”beats me. I can actually picture 50 Cent rocking from side to side while spitting these verses like a cradle. What the hell is going on man?

Smoke – Makes me wonder if Trey Songz was already in the studio when 50 Cent showed up, so this feature was on the house. The synths are crying here and I can feel their pain. It’s –and this is becoming old news—not terrible, but not terrible isn’t good. But man, nothing made my day more than hearing Trey Songz try to rap 2 baby couplets in the middle of his crooning.

Why are you still listening to this album yo? Go listen to our podcast instead - Where's My 40 Acres Podcast

Everytime I Come Around – Is 50 Cent back on his Trinidad Curtis and you start to realize, 50 Cent, he dead (Amen). More time should have been put into working on Kidd Kidd’s album. It just seems unfair that he can’t be more-than-mediocre on his own album, but instead has to do it on 50’s trickling flop-fest.

Irregular Heartbeat – Proves that this rap shit is a gimmick for Curtis. The shining light is hearing Jadakiss on the perfect beat for him and realizing that maybe Fif should help produce Jason’s next album. Again, Kidd Kidd is being wasted wasted. Let this man work on his album Fif because he’s clearly hungry. I think I actually dosed off during the hook, but I ain’t complaining.

Hustler – Makes me hate everyone who thought Magna Carter Holy Grail was too precocious and pretentious for poor rap fans, but applaud songs like this with a millionaire –more than a couple hundred times over—talking about dealing drugs as a hustle.

Why is this album still giving me songs to listen to? Here, I'm going to give you these podcasts to listen to instead. - Wheres My 40 Acres Podcast



Twisted – Is 50 Cent imagining he’s Diddy at the Howard University Graduation giving his commencement speech. If you’re not fighting the urge to hit the skip button, you’re not living right and may need to get right with God. If you did hit the skip button I’m jealous! The H-Town sounding hook is not doing nostalgia any favors. The lack of interests in hearing Fif rap about getting Twisted made me want to double fist some Nyquil.

Winner’s Circle – Is proof there is no song more ironic than Winner’s Circle. Somebody needs to call Nigga-I-Don’t-Know-Who-You-R Kelly’s parents and tell them to come pick up their son. Dude is in the background howling about winning like his mother told him to go play outside but don’t leave the stoop.

And still, there is one more song. This is the last time I'm giving yall the link for the podcast - Where's My 40 Acres Podcast on iTunes

Chase The Paper – Is the only other song besides Hold On that should have been on this album. If that means this would have been the first ever 2 track album, so be it. Curtis is actually flowing on this joint. The desperately Desperado sounding production can be overlooked, even when it’s trying to take you to church over the hook. Prodigy is going full prodigy, still running on the streak from his The Infamous Mobb Deep release early this year. Styles P is ghost.

And then the album just ends. The shit just stops. It didn’t even drop the mic; the damn album left with it. Do you know how confusing it is to wish an album was over for over half the damn album only for it to just end without some type of explanation for why you put me through this?

50 Cent is so much better than this ramen noodle cup album, yet at the same time he's easily one of the most overrated rappers in the game. Dude had one amazing album and a bunch of dust collectors still folk look forward to his slide down the slope of creativity. People used to talk about how bad The Massacre was, but the production alone is better than anything here. This album makes his Curtis album feel like it has to be as old as Power of a Dollar. Now, there is all this talk about a G-Unit album. People need to stop drinking the tap water or something. This album didn’t capture one dope thing about 50 Cent. And that is completely understandable because that dude is dead. The same man who gave the whole country one of the most street anthem-filled playlists in Hip Hop doesn’t need to do this anymore, so he’s dead.

Albums like this aren’t about making music. They’re about being cool. If it was really about money, 50 cent would be looking for dope new artists to sign so he could get his Heavy D on, but instead he’s trying to be Seth Rogen in Neighbors. He wants to trade dick jokes with them and eat shrooms while rocking his fitted cap backwards yelling “turn down for what!” All of these Busta Rhymes and 50 Cents need to take a lesson from Mobb Deep’s The Infamous Mobb Deep album. Those dudes turned dated to classically fresh.

If there is a deluxe edition of this album I don’t want it. If there are any remixes planned in its future, kill them with fire. If you put any part of this album on my dinner plate at Thanksgiving I’m spitting on

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