How’re you doing? I hope you’re doing okay.

When I watched the beginning of your story for the first time, I almost gave up due to how depressing it is. I’ve dealt with depression before, so it wasn’t really great to relive that feeling again. But I decided to give your show a second chance, and I’m so glad that I did as I’ve discovered more of the show that was relatable to me, and I got to learn the experiences that other go through in the lives of Mr. PB, PC, Todd, Diane, and others. Everything that you and the others have shown in this show is really educational and powerful.

To be honest, your qualities remind me a lot of my father. Both my brother and I watch your show, and we identified him as “The Real-Life Bojack Horseman”. He’s a stubborn alcoholic and smoker who’s been traumatised by the way he was raised in the past. His family was dirt poor so they had to earn money through growing and selling crops at the market. I didn’t really ask him about his past as I don’t really want him to relive it in his memory. He’s a pretty sensitive guy, now that I think about it. Haha.

Unfortunately, he was depressed when he was in his 30s, if I’m not mistaken, and I think he still is till this very day, so that would mean he’s been depressed for 20+ years. That’s very tough for a man like him. However, even though he’s depressed when he was in his 30s, he still managed to earn enough income to support my family, and I’m really grateful for that. But sadly, it came with traumatising consequences. During that time when he was raising my sister, brother and I, he would fight with my mother a lot, even hitting her at some point. He really regrets it now and isn’t what he used to be, so please don’t be mad at him. I remember one of the fights where it ended with him leaving the apartment to destress somewhere with alcohol, my mom cleaning up in despair the food he had knocked over onto the floor when he flipped the table over, and my siblings helping her clean up while I cried on the floor as I was just a baby. This is one of the traumatising memories that I could think of at the back of my mind. I wasn’t really helping at all when I was younger due to my behaviour, but that’s a story for another time.

Anyways, due to these fights between my parents, my siblings and I suffered in our own ways that was brought over to school years till this very day. You could view it as his trauma being passed onto us, in a way. My mother suffered a lot as well as she had to endure it all. As a result of the trauma he had inflicted on us, communication between us and him is close to being non-existent, even to this day.

Now, don’t get me wrong. He really does love my mom, siblings and I; he’s just not that great in expressing it due to how he was raised. He’s a good man deep inside, but the trauma he had from childhood has a firm grip on him that he couldn’t break free from. If he doesn’t love my family, then he would’ve left my family a long time ago. My family forgave him for what he did in the past, but the damage has been done; our family is just broken in my eyes. But strangely, I felt even closer to them due to our traumas, as if it strengthened our relationship.

My family tried to get him help for his problems, but in the end, it didn’t work at all as he didn’t help himself. He sees himself as poison, just like you did, Bojack. Every time when he was drunk, he would ask me, “Am I a bad father?”, and that question broke me deep inside.

So, in a way, my father does resembles you. Even though you’re not real, the back of my mind really hopes that you are, ‘cause you deserve a happy ending for all the things you went through. Your past and pain defines you for what you went through and what you’ve become at the end. It is a strength, not a weakness. This is something I’m learning as well as I’m typing this.

Thank you so much for sharing your life story with us, Bojack. You brought life and inspiration to your audience and drives us to be a better version of ourselves, and I don’t think that there is any other shows out there that can do a better job as you did. I really hope that even though the show has ended, you’ll continue to interact with us through social media.

Thank you for everything, Bojack Horseman.

Yours Truly,

-Darren from Malaysia