Here’s what you missed on Glee: Dance With Somebody

Story

Rachel and Kurt’s NYADA tryouts have finally come around.

Puck’s father (played by Thomas Calabro, the dreamy Dr. Michael Mancini on Melrose Place) pays him a surprise visit and gives him some perspective.

Coach Beiste is a victim of domestic abuse and goes to Sue, Roz, and the glee club girls for support.

The guys from the glee club tutor Puck so that he can pass a test for graduation.

Choke Check: Puck choking on his European Geography (that can’t be a real class) test? Check. Rachel choking on her favorite Streisand song in front of NYADA’s newest Dean (played by Whoopi Goldberg), twice? Double Check. Cooter possibly choking Beiste before the haymaker? Too soon?…check.

Obviously: As soon as I read the title of the episode I knew Rachel was going to be perfect for the lead role. Rachel’s rendition of Streisand’s “Don’t Rain on My Parade” is still one of my favorite songs from the entire show but I knew she would be destined to fail. Does this really mean that her NYADA hopes are done? Is she really going to be stay in Ohio to continue searching for her trip to Broadway? Regardless, we’re guaranteed to see more of Rachel in the next season.

Senior Year Redux? Even though Puck knew where the rain falls in Spain he couldn’t seem to locate anything else during his test. Does Puck just drop out of school since it seems he won’t be able to graduate? Does he do summer classes? I think it would be true Puckerman form to just tell his friends that he passed the test and then when graduation comes he heads out to the left coast to start his business without telling anyone.

Seat Fillers: Brittany and Sugar, why were you just sitting on those stools and staring at Mercedes, Santana, and Tina while they were singing to Coach Beiste? Do interpretive dance. Play an instrument. Have a Fondue for Two session in the background. Do something!

No Pamphlets?! Who doesn’t go to Emma for a sweet pamphy about domestic abuse in this case? I know domestic abuse is nothing to be scoffed at (along with bullying, gay bashing, and texting while driving as Glee has shown us so far this season) but I actually release miniscule giggles after reading the names of those pamphlets. Maybe she would have found out that domestic abusers are, frequently, repeat offenders. I hope Beiste is good with makeup. Apply liberally.

Music

The Music of the Night – Kurt (B) Visually weird, which can be blamed on Tina, but vocally amazing, albeit brief.

School’s Out – Puck (B) Given the eventual outcome, Puckerman really should have spent less time dancing around the school and more time studying. Still, the intensity was appreciated.

Cell Block Tango – Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, Sugar and Santana (A+) This may be just “a song about crazy women in their panties killing their men for chewing gum” and the ladies’ attire may have been a tad too inappropriate for school, but this was still the one of the night’s best performances. Throwing in Mike was just an added visual bonus.

Not the Boy Next Door – Kurt (A) Bold move with a potentially huge pay-off that results in Kurt’s acceptance to his dream school. If his singing wasn’t enough the highness of his kicks coupled with the tightness of his pants should be enough to seal the deal.

Don’t Rain on My Parade – Rachel (C) “You get eight bars, I gave you 16.” Unfortunately, Rachel completely ‘choked’ at her audition, but if you want to hear how well she normally performs this song, watch ‘Sectionals‘ from season 1.

The Rain in Spain – Mike, Artie, Sam, Puck, Kurt, Finn, Blaine, Rory and Joe (B) This was an absolute failure as a study tool, but it was cute to watch the boys turn the performance into a mini Headbangers Ball. Also, shouldn’t the school have been closed in the middle of the night and how was Puck not banned from touching anymore guitars after setting one on fire earlier?

Shake it Out – Tina, Santana and Mercedes (A+) As the other flawless performance, this really should have closed out the night. The lyrics to this song spoke perfectly to Beiste’s situation and yet again, Santana proves that she’s a much better singer when her heart is in it. Also, Coach Beiste has now been serenaded by the girls and guys in the group, which would be more touching if they weren’t “We’re sorry for saying/doing something that personally offended you” serenades.

Cry – Rachel (A) When Rachel really cries during a song about crying, it’s bound to be an intense moment. Unfortunately, this was bittersweet because although Rachel sounded amazing, it was too little too late.

Quotes

“Yeah, I might not graduate, but that’s okay because gowns are for ladies and tassels are for strippers.” – Puck

“Look, I understand kids making jokes about things they find uncomfortable. Like how there’s a cheer leading coach at their school who is old as dirt and still trying to have a baby who they know is going to come out looking weird with rabies and wings and is going to fly right out of your hat box and straight back into hell.” – Black Sue Roz

“Puckerman, why are you closing the doors?” – Mrs. Eleanor Doosenbury

“So the chemistry doesn’t get out.” – Puck, who somehow thought ‘displaced Haitains’ was ‘depressed Hawaiians’

“You bet your perfectly round ass it is!” – Roz

“You can stay with me tonight. If you don’t have a change of clothes I have a tent you can wear.” – Sue