Because sometimes you send some damn clever OKC messages that you have no hope of receiving a response to.

As much as I’d like to let the old freak flag fly every day, sometimes you’ve just got to head to the vegetable aisle and pick up a head of lettuce like the rest of the world.

If I had to make an assessment, I’d say that my jokes are generally somewhere between a Laffy Taffy wrapper and a Looney Tunes cartoon in both subject matter and quality, so take that as you will.

Are you really in Hawaii? There is an ocean between us! Literal AND metaphorical, judging by our mere 48% match.

That may well have been my most cracked-out message yet, so, there’s that.

We’re all limited in our ability to describe ourselves with text on a screen, so we might as well throw random words up all over the place and hopefully someone will find us in a keyword search for “craisins”.

AY GURL, U LIKE CHEETOS?

Meatwad is my inspiration in life. Followed by Karl. And maybe one of the German aliens.

Have a spooktacular Halloween!

IMHO…though I’m supposed to remove that abbreviation per the specifications in your “message me if” section so pretend I spelled that whole thing out plz. Also the word “please” in that previous sentence

Your telescope picture is…out of this world!

Waylon Jennings? Hank Williams? Kris Kristofferson? You’ve got good taste. Don’t leave these blue eyes cryin in the rain, be my honkytonk angel!

I’m a programmer, but I like to write too because code isn’t as good a language as English.

Mark my words, There is no greater joy in this world than seeing a 6 year old attempt to take down a 500 pound man wearing a ceremonial fighting diaper.

I want to travel to Russia within the next year or so, at very least to see the giant gilded Michael Jackson statue in Yekaterinburg.

The yo mama joke is the finest comedic artform devised by the human species.