Steve Jobs. George Washington. Martin Luther King. What do they all have in common? They all hail from the greatest planet in the universe. America.

Earth Day has been celebrated for 4.64 billion years, making it the oldest holiday in the history of the universe. We only started recognizing it in 1970. Can you guess where the idea came from?

Just like air conditioning, the escalator, and potato chips, it was made in America.

There are many traditions surrounding Earth Day. We’re not sure what they are, but they’re out there. We DO know that people plant trees on Earth Day. And, who plants trees?

Some people say only liberals celebrate Earth Day, but there is no one more American than Johnny Appleseed. Look at that picture and tell me it doesn’t make you love Earth just a tiny bit more.

Here’s another question. Have you ever seen a bald eagle on another planet? What about a waffle taco? Nope, I didn’t think so. We hope you are starting to realize the gravity of the situation.

Sometimes Earth acts like we are the only planet in the universe, but that’s to be expected. Think about it! Combined, we have won every Super Bowl, Olympics and World Series in history. We’ve even had EVERY Miss Universe. That’s saying a lot.

Just throwing it out there, but Jesus was sent to Earth.

John 3:16 – “For God so loved the WORLD”… not the universe. Earth may be third from the sun, but it is first in our hearts.

There are more confirmed UFO sightings on Earth than any other planet. We are like the Bahamas of the universe – a destination locale. Don’t believe me, ask literally any alien.

And speaking of aliens, notice how they always come to Earth, and not any other planet? They migrate here because they know we are the best. Remind you of anyone else?

We even decide who gets to be a planet (SUCK IT PLUTO). If we don’t discover you, you don’t even exist, and we won’t even apollogize for it.

Jupiter has sixty three moons and we only have one. No big deal. We don’t have rings, whatever. Do you know what Earth has more of than any other planet? Freedom.

So, here’s to you, Earth. Crack open a beer, play catch with your kid, and celebrate the most American holiday in the world: Earth Day.