As of tomorrow I have one week until my Sāmaṇera(novice monk) ordination. Since I have been documenting my “journey into homelessness” these last few years, I figure it might be beneficial to document my experiences as I come down to the final days of lay life.

While this ordination is important, and I am excited about it, I am also tempering this excitement with the fact that it is only the next step in the process to becoming a Bhikkhu, with Sāmaṇera ordination I am half way there. The day I become a Bhikkhu is the day I have been waiting for, for half a decade now.

That being said I had a thought occur to me at lunch yesterday that a week from now I’d be sitting in robes eating from a bowl, and that would be only a small part of the changes I will need to adapt to. The past half year or so has seen me memorizing all of the lines I need for my going forth, two of which from a sutta where the Buddha explains the 10 things that those who have gone forth should always keep in mind, has become a focus for me:

“I am now changed into a different mode of life [from that of a layperson],” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.

“I must now behave in a different manner,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.

The past few months have seen me becoming more keenly mindful of my actions, some of which conform with monasticism, and some of which stem from 37 years of lay life and I’ve had to gradually work on habitually changing. A year into monastic living it is still an ongoing practice for me to learn how to “slow down” in body, speech, and mind.

Once I don the robes, I take on a 2600 year old tradition and my actions not only reflect upon myself, but that tradition and all other fellow monastics. This responsibility is not lost to me and I would never want to do anything through my actions that would harm how the sangha is viewed.

As I continue to go deeper into the practice, I see even further how much one must give up to attain the goal(Nibbana) and truly live this life as the Buddha intended, including the very notion of self itself. Truly going for the goal of the holy life is no easy thing, a goal that I’m not sure I’ll come close to in this life, but I see no other point to becoming a monastic then the ending of dukkha. The line below is part of my request to the senior monastics to be given the going forth:

Venerable Sir, accepting this orange robe, please give me the going forth for me to practice the holy life to overcome all samsaric suffering and attain Nibbana]

and of course we have the Buddha’s final words, which have called to me for years now and can be seen at the top of jayantha.tumblr.com: “Appamadena Samppadetha”- “strive with diligence” towards the goal.

Truly living this life will be hard, and only time will tell if I have what it takes, but I know from experience that if I continue to practice insight will comes in its own time, so I continue to do the best I can in following the path of the Buddha. It is well said many times in the suttas that becoming a monk doesn’t guarantee you peace and happiness, but having to actually put in the work will. I could sit around living a comfortable monastic life, or I can go for broke and live this life the best I know how, only time will show the results.