DJLippy Tue 17-Jul-18 19:01:19

My brother has been seeing someone for about two years.



About a year ago we were chatting about Justin Bieber and I said I thought it was disgraceful how everybody had forgotten about the racist song he sung and all the 'n word' jokes. She then said she didn't think there was anything wrong with the 'n-word' because 'they use that word all the time why can't we.' I didn't say anything at the time because I was just getting to know her and I thought I might be paranoid. She also made some vaguely homophobic comments about Mily Cyrus 'looking like such a lesbian.' Which, TBF. she did, but she said it in a very disdainful way - like lesbian to rhyme with tramp.



Yesterday we met up and she kept bringing up the riots in France, which kicked off after the World Cup win. These were racially tinged riots occurring as they did in the predominately immigrant ghettos. She never really talks about the news or current affairs with me and I thought it was odd she kept bringing it up. Later in traffic some guy let her in front and she said 'he just gave me a gangsta nod.' When I looked I noticed the guy was black. Again, I thought - am I just being paranoid?



Today we passed a black cyclist and she said he looked like a drug dealer. I made a snarky comment like 'Yeah I know, black in charge of a bicycle.'



None of these things individually made much difference but together do they could signal implicit bias, xenophpbia or outright racism. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I don't think she is full on racist. She grew up in Dubai and her sister married an Arab. She's not made any comments about other races - just black people.



AIBU, overly critical or is this dog whistle racism?



I don't know how to challenge such attitudes in the future. Today I did a snarky joke - which she didn't signal she heard. Outright confrontation? If someone is an out and out racist it's likely to be pointless. Maybe she is unaware of her sub-conscious bias against black people? She is helping to raise my nieces and I know that all our family - as well as their mum are very anti-racism. I do worry the subtle effect it could have on them? How young is too young to show them my Root's box set?