Coming soon to a bookstore near you, the runaway bestseller: “How to Blow $2 Billion in Las Vegas Without Really Trying,” by Mark “The Shark” Davis.

Just kidding. Bookstores no longer exist. But if they did, you would be lining up outside one for this page-turner. It’s like a Harry Potter book, but less reality-based.

It’s the story that explains why the Raiders will continue their staycation in Oakland for several more years at the lovely Coliseum.

Here are some of the how-to steps sure to be outlined in the book:

•Base your plan for a Las Vegas stadium on the strategy of outsmarting casino mogul Sheldon Adelson.

Adelson is one of the world’s shrewdest and richest humans, yet the Raiders’ owner apparently assumed Adelson would kick in $650 million in return for free churros at every Raiders game.

Adelson might have wanted a piece of the team in return for his investment. One possible scenario is that his $650 mil would have been a loan to the Raiders at a high interest rate. If the Raiders defaulted, a not-unlikely scenario, Adelson would own the team. If the Raiders did not default, Adelson would get a huge return on his risk-free investment, and bolster his Las Vegas power legacy.

Regardless of the specifics of what Adelson wanted for his money, Davis’ counter seemed to hit Adelson as if Davis had said, “Old guys look cool in Raiders’ gear, and I can get you a discount.”

The highlight of this chapter will be the for-real negotiations between Davis and Adelson just before the final blow-up. Even though Davis has business people to do this stuff for him, he chose to go one-on-one with Adelson. This is like Davis challenging a shark to a swimming race, winner gets to bite the loser as many times as he wants.

•Make demands so silly that they will distract the people you’re trying to outmaneuver.

Davis reportedly demanded control of the field markings at UNLV football games played in the new stadium, according to the Las Vegas Review Journal.

Remember, this is the owner of a team that plays its home games on a field that is half dirt, because of sharing it with a baseball team.

•Don’t waste your time on research.

When negotiations got sticky between Davis and Adelson, Davis talked to Goldman Sachs, either in an attempt to gain leverage in negotiations with Adelson or to find alternative financing in case the partnership with Adelson didn’t work.

Then Davis went to the other NFL owners and apparently characterized those talks as a commitment from G-S to replace Adelson as the new stadium financier, just in case. After the league meeting, Art Rooney Jr., chairman of the NFL stadium committee, said, “I think the Raiders are looking at this potentially going without Mr. Adelson.”

If Davis knew a Google search from a snoogle lurch, he might have discovered that Goldman Sachs and Sheldon Adelson are, like, BFFs. The two entities have, according to ESPN.com, “deep and long-standing business ties.”

Goldman Sachs burning Adelson to cozy up to Davis, a financial featherweight? That would be dumb. “Yes, Mr. BlackJack Dealer, I know I already have 21, but hit me.”

•Be sneaky, and cheap.

Davis went behind Adelson’s back with an offer to pay Las Vegas $1 per year to lease the new stadium.

This next part might not be in the book, because I made it up: When Adelson went ballistic over Davis’ back-door demands, Davis asked his people, “Should I offer ’em two bucks?”

•Exude loyalty.

Davis, after making love to San Antonio and Los Angeles and spurning Oakland, the city that made his family rich and famous, went to Las Vegas and tried to play one side against another.

“I don’t think Mr. Davis cared about either community, ours or Oakland,” Clark County Commissioner Chris Giunchigliani told the Bay Area News Group. “He’s using us against each other.”

Davis’ “loyalty” is coming back to bite him in the buttocks. His Las Vegas fling has damaged his leverage in Oakland.

•Be stuck in the 1960s.

The Sixties was a groovy era. Or so I hear. Back then, when a team owner asked a city to build a stadium, the city said, “How high?”

Now, some cities have come to see value in stuff like schools and police departments. Most teams are hip to this new reality. See: Giants, Warriors, Rams. The Raiders? Not so much.

•Blow the break-up.

The Raiders, after trying to snooker Adelson and weathering his blast-furnace reaction, issued a statement sucking up to Adelson and saluting themselves for their continuing commitment to Nevada.

It was a transparently desperate attempt to pat Adelson on the head, in hopes that he doesn’t crush any new plan the Raiders might present to Vegas.

There are a couple of potential investors out there, long shots whom the Raiders will keep trying to play, but Davis now wishes he would have read what I wrote two weeks ago: “If the Adelson-Raiders deal blows up, the Raiders may have created one very powerful, angry enemy in Nevada.”

Adelson, the mogul on whose heart Davis stomped, has jerked away the Las Vegas welcome mat, with Davis standing on it.

Can’t wait for the next book in the series: “Readjusting Your Perspective: That’s Not a Sewage Problem, Baby, That’s a Black Hole.”