

Review contributed by Jon Browning.

Whoredom Rife are exactly what is wrong with modern “underground” “metal”. All these posers do is take a bunch of riffs from records over twenty years old, chop them up, and randomly attach a few of them together to make… a track.

Whoredom Rife of course do not even write songs, yet alone musical compositions you know. The material that these scenester tryhards release is not vocally driven music so it is not a song you know like a rock band would make and convince stupid people to singalong to the catchy chorus parts and play air guitar to the solo to when it comes on the radio. Neither do Whoredom Rife write metal compositions as we call them here at Death Metal Underground. Their riffs are not phrases in an entire melody that plays out over the course of the track’s run-time.

No, Whoredom Rife’s riffs are just haphazardly jammed together like a mismatched pair of neon running shoes you know. These riffs come from a bunch of bands: Dawn, Darkthrone, Emperor, Dawn, Dissection, and there’s probably some Dark Funeral in there too as these guys are probably totally into the bondage gear stage shows and doing some “kvlt” soggy biscuit shit in the dark in the woods while making the guy tied up in the gimp suit eat it. Gross!

Dommedagskvad is certainly not a black metal album just because it copies stuff it has seen before randomly like a monkey. If a monkey imitates a gesticulating human like an Italian guy for its own amusement in between masturbating and playing with its own turds, does that make the monkey an Italian man? No, the monkey is still a monkey and not a human of course. Whoredom Rife are not a black metal band then you know, just a shitty modern hardcore one that decided to imitate a bunch of mid 90s bands from Sweden and Norway.

Do you know who also had the same bad idea? Metalcore bands! Whoredom Rife is no different: instead of cleanly sung choruses and breakdowns, they just imitate a different band than the last riff for the chorus or bridge riff to show their scenester audience that they listened to the same records they did in the year 2004 so they are cool too. Whoredom Rife probably are not old enough to have heard Dawn back in the mid to late 90s and probably just picked up that Slaughtersun double CD comp from 2004 (or the Century Media reissues a decade later) just like their millennial funderground fans who will be too busy taking pictures of the band trying to look cool onstage in leather jackets or leather gimp suits or plague masks or something like that rather than actually listening to what is being played and hearing if it makes sense and shit you know. To someone who actually pays attention to the music, watching a random trendy band like Whoredom Rife live is like watching a headless chicken running around aimlessly. Trying to determine if the headless chicken does in fact, as a miniaturized dinosaur, have an extra brain somewhere like a Klingon would just be a stupid waste of time as it’s of course random and doesn’t really make any sense.

Dommedagskvad‘s audience is the same folks who go out and pay money to see random technicolor explosions and computer game monsters randomly flung at the screen in random and terrible Hollywood remakes and sequels like Jurassic World, the Marvel Super Heroes movies, and the new Star Wars with teenage girls beating up 6’5 guys with the power of feminism. These are brain dead people who eat shit and like it. You know like Bud Light Lime drinkers.

Dommedagskvad is not black metal or even a fascimile of the past. Rather it’s just random neon fruitcake bullshit thrown on a record for “former” metalcore fans who want to get into black metal but they do not even like metal in the first place so can’t even listen to Hell Awaits, Deicide, or anything actually you know black metalish heavier than Storm of the Light’s Bane and Filosofem‘s pop hooks you know.

Even Dark Funeral make Whoredom Rife look like a punch of pansies. It is time for these posers to take off the panties they said they stole from their girlfriends (Not!) and quit pretending to play black metal. We know you are scenester pond scum who probably dumpster dive and shit like crusts do. Dommedagskvad deserves to be recycled into shower curtains.

Dommedagskvad by Whoredom Rife

Tags: black 'n roll, dommedagskvad, funderground, melodeaf, metalcore, modern metal, norway, poser metal, posers, poseur metal, poseurs, rehash, review, scenesters, terratur possession, terratur possessions, trash, trends mosh core fun, whoredom rife