Gramatica Errors MINDPUNTERS EDITION: An investigation into the mysterious and violent death of Turntle the Turtle.

Welcome to Gramatica Errors, SB Nation’s weekly kicking and punting column. As always, we will do our best to avoid any and all foot puns. Now let’s kick things off ...

Goodnight, sweet Turntle

We’re going to get serious for a moment here, because the lives of kickers are not always sunshine and socks just out the dryer. Florida State kicker Ricky Aguayo, the younger brother of former Buccaneers kicker Roberto Aguayo, was a suspect in the burglary and killing of a turtle at the now defunct Pi Kappa Phi fraternity.

The turtle, whose name was Turntle, belonged to one of the members of the fraternity.

Aguayo and two associates were found in the fraternity living room, which had been ransacked, in February. Aguayo told police that two months prior, members of the fraternity had jumped him for missing key field goals in a recent game. (It’s unclear if this is the same incident that TMZ published video of, which appears to show Aguayo fighting people outside a fraternity at FSU.)

Warning: For animal lovers, this might be upsetting. From the FSView & Florida Flambeau:

Fraternity member Daniel Furmanski, who was awoken by loud "celebratory chants coming from the living room," spotted one of the football players holding the house pet turtle, named "Turntle." Its shell was ripped from its body, according to the police report, and it appeared dead. ...The owner of the turtle, Tyler Carbonelli, Furmanski and the chapter's president Austin Burge, did not want to press charges. On Feb. 23, State Attorney Doug Hall, who oversees the misdemeanor division, declined to pursue the case because no one saw who killed the turtle.

The Pi Kappa Phi fraternity chapter was shut down by Florida State University earlier this year, and all Greek life was suspended following the death of a Pi Kappa Phi pledge during a rush event.

Strikes and gutters for the Punt Posse

The punters of the world had joy and sadness this week. Let’s start with the good, and then we will laugh at the bad.

For the good, look at this pass from Ravens punter Sam Koch!

Quick story: When I was in high school we used to play touch football outside during a free period, and one of the guys who played with us actually played on the football team and was the backup quarterback. But because we were all unathletic jamokes, no one liked it when he was QB because he would actually throw the ball hard and it hurt our fingers. So that’s how I became the QB for every one of these games, because I wasn’t strong and I would just loop balls up in the air to people and it wouldn’t hurt.

I bring this all up because the first professional football throw that ever reminded me of my play as a quarterback was that throw, by Sam Koch.

Now let’s get to the bad:

Oh no. Whatever Sam Koch’s play was, this, from the punter from Western Kentucky was the opposite of that.

It wasn’t even the saddest moment of the weekend for a punter, however.

Morgan Hagee, oh no! I, along with the rest of the Punt Posse, will pour out some foot cream for you tonight, old friend.

As this week can show you, it’s not all glamour and glitz in the life of kickers and punters. It’s real out in these streets. Keep your eyes on the ball and keep your toes clean out there. RIP Turntle.