Me: (Name of Church), how may I help you?

Caller: I have an interesting question for you.

Me: Okay.

(I think nothing of this as people often preface their normal questions as interesting)

Caller: Well I was raised in the church, but now I don’t believe in God and I’d like to be excommunicated.

Me: (taken aback) Oh, well, I’m not sure if there is a process to be excommunicated, but let me put you on hold for a moment to let me ask someone else about this.

Caller: Thank you.

(I ask the pastor, and he says that there isn’t a form to fill out or anything. I take this information back to the caller)

Me: Thank you for holding, I spoke with the pastor and there isn’t really a way to formally be excommunicated.

Caller: Well I looked on the internet and it says I can get a letter from the bishop.

Me: Well, I can give you the number to the bishop’s office if you would like to call. It is ***-***-****.

Caller: Thank you.

Coworker who overheard call: You should have just told him that his decision to not believe in God is enough because God will know your choice. But I don’t think he would have accepted that.

(I always wondered what the bishop’s office told him.)