

Download the MP3 | Watch the Video

Throat sweats from the #Healstream, raising money for children’s cancer, the all-knowing time-wizards at the FBI, tone police, why we believe all women, Aydin Paladin explains traumatic memory and NPCs, Peach’s mustard song, the #Compliance movement, Modern Medusa reads the news, Tanner has his own Devil’s Triangle, the hangover that never goes away, a woman in code, Peach says too much again, agreeing to the terms of cervix, and what happened to all the UFOs; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Drinking for charity. I never thought I’d live to see the day–or the reverse, but here we are. Thanks to The Ralph Retort, the greatest forces of evil across the Internet banded together for one night only to put a stop to a greater evil: kid’s cancer, or to line the pocketbooks of an the even greater evil still, Big St. Jude’s, depending on who’s level of cynicism you’re ready to handle on this Tuesday morning. Check it out if you haven’t. Nick Rekieta, Dame Pesos, Mister Metokur, Sam Hyde, and I appear toward the end. I had a great time singing about gay cowboys, taking to “Mundane Matt”, and raising money for children’s cancer with all of my favorite hate-mongering white supremacists and misogynists.

Actually, let’s watch it together because I can’t say I can remember all of it, but first…

There’s nothing Gen-X’ers love more than telling stories about shit they did in high school. They’re obsessed with it. Give a Gen-X’er a bowl of cocaine, enough MREs to feed a platoon, and an index card that says, “Class of 85” in gold foil, and you can come back in three days to find an empty bowl of cocaine and one dead Gen-X’er–having talked himself to death about high school glory days instead of pausing to take a sip of water–for fear that someone else would start talking. There’s nothing Gen-X’ers love more than talking about high school shit, and as more and more of them replace the Boomers in politics and culture, prepare for a fucking deluge.

Why we can’t even get through putting one Gen-X’er on the Supreme Court without hearing about a bunch of ridiculous high school shit! At least I’m convinced it must be that. Or else what could it possible be? That half the country has forgotten what happens when we start acting on shit people believe?

The Ghostbusters were ready to believe anything you wanted. That was their slogan. That was the joke of their dumb local TV commercial, “We’re ready to believe you.” And that’s also how Dana Barrett knew they were a scam. They “believe you” and then they take your money to do a bunch of pointless bullshit because all beliefs are exactly that: bullshit. They feel great, sure. They feel great to the tune of trillions of dollars per year in the US alone, and probably much more than that globally. But the second those beliefs start turning into action, we get, “human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.”

Literally.

Beliefs are turning into the foundation of our Naive New World. We believe women need more encouragement to enter STEM, so we act on it. We believe men can be women, and vice versa, so we act on it. We believe all women–despite a wealth of history and evidence saying exactly the opposite; not that women shouldn’t be believed, but that human beings are not capable of being believed. But we act on it anyway because it feels good.

The only defense against nonsense is bigger nonsense. And the closer we get to a system that is beholden to the nonsense of belief first and foremost, the more we submit to bigger and bigger nonsense as a justified defense. We’re asking for it.

“Have you ever drank enough to suffer a lapse in memory?”

“No.”

Nonsense, but it is the only defense against nonsense, and not employing it would be a profoundly stupid form of suicide. Many of us if not most of us live in a post-law society. We are above the law because we no longer have a need for it, which is too bad because it took us hundreds of years and cost tens of thousands of lives to purge belief from our court system. Hopefully, we can purge it from our new court system a little quicker.

“Just Say No” by Savestate Corrupted.



“Cuckin in the Wind” by Joonbug



Thumbnail that is under oath by Woomwood.

Comments

comments