Trump starts setting his reality distortion field with the media. First, he says press conferences were responsible for getting him the Republican nomination. Then he claims he stopped giving press conferences due to "inaccurate news," while complimenting news groups who "came out strongly against that fake news." Later in the conference, he calls CNN "fake news," and sarcastically says the BBC is "another beauty." All of this sends a tangled but clear message: The news is only valid if it is nice to me.

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Then Trump takes questions. And hold onto your butts, folks, because this is a 8,900 rpm spinning, screaming fustercluck. Did Russia hack us? Yes, Trump says, but it's no big deal because other countries do it too (he later backpedaled, saying maybe someone else did the DNC hacking). He also claimed the DNC "was totally open to be hacked," and also it's secretly good if Russia tried to manipulate our election, because as Trump said, "Well, if- if Putin likes Donald Trump, I consider that an asset, not a liability."

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"And if he like-likes me, even better." *swoon*

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Boldly, he tries to redefine what's happening inside our heads, claiming that the only people who care about his tax returns are "reporters." Polls show this is patently false, but "false" is just four letters away from "true." In response to the question, "You don't think the American public is concerned about it?" he responds, "No I don't think so. I won when I became president." Let this sink in for a minute: By being voted president, he's saying he won the right to ignore calls for transparency. His winning means he gets to determine what the country wants and thinks. The next president of the United States is putting Lifetime movie villains to shame, gaslighting not one woman but an entire country.