WINNIPEG – The Manitoba government has acquired the nicer areas of Minneapolis for roughly $3 billion US.

Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister made the announcement of the land purchase from the State of Minnesota, which includes Summit Avenue, US Bank Stadium, and that weird spoon-with-a-cherry art installation.

“Manitobans who want to get shitfaced at a tailgate party before a Vikings game on Sunday can finally call that place home,” explained Premier Pallister. “Anyone who wants to drive seven hours to purchase cheaper Chinese-manufactured clothes in America can now do so freely without any borders or sales tax.”

Oh and we’re also taking that TGI Fridays on Normanville Boulevard,” added the Premier. “We don’t have that chain here except at the airport.”

Other areas that will now become part of the province of Manitoba include the Mall of America, but declined to take the K-Mart on Nicollet Avenue because Winnipeg already has enough abandoned buildings.