Hi, it’s Michelle.

Michelle Obama, Barack’s wife. Barack Obama, the President of the United States of America. That makes me the First Lady of the United States of America. Me = Michelle Obama.

I hope all is well.

You know, Kanye, I woke up this morning. In the White House. And one of my aides told me she had something to show me. Something that would make me laugh. A “cute” thing, if you will. It was a series of quotes, Kanye. About my husband and me. About my Vogue magazine cover. And fashion. And classism. They were your quotes. You were the cute thing, Kanye.

And my aide was right. It did make me laugh. Oh, what a hearty White House laugh it was. Tell me, Kanye, what’s your goal with this? Why us? Are you still mad about my husband calling you a jackass a few times? Is that why you’re focusing on me instead of on all the other women who have been on the cover of Vogue?

That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? You’re out here all mad simply because we’re stylin’ on you? I know Barack never did apologize for the name-calling, because you know how you men are with your stubbornness. But it’s more than that. It’s bigger than fashion. To you, this has become a couple vs. couple thing. I once overheard some of our summer interns talking about you — about how mad you get when you’re compared to other rappers, because your peers are Jesus and Jobs and Walt Disney. I heard it and actually respected that. It shows you have some drive to be a great man. You should fight to get your respect. I see my husband, the President of the Free World, get disrespected every day. And it tears me apart.

So you have to understand where I’m coming from when I say it’s laughable for my 21-year marriage to be mentioned on the same website as your thing with Kim. Imagine if someone compared you to Papoose, Kanye. Well, you’re Barack’s Papoose. And yes, Kim is my Remy Ma. My husband’s not moving our family out the country so you can’t see where we stay. Because he runs the country, you see. And, again, we live in the White House. Very visible.