Memo to: John McCain.

From: Five million thirst-crazed Coloradans.

Subject: Forget about winning our nine electoral votes next November. We don’t vote for water rustlers in this state; we tar and feather them!

Yes, fellow citizens of the state whose official motto is “Whiskey is for drinking, water is for fighting,” John McCain has thunk the unthinkable — and proposed renegotiating the 1922 Colorado River Compact.

To quote from Charles Ashby’s story in the Friday Pueblo Chieftain:

“The water compact that Colorado and other upper basin states have with California and Arizona should be renegotiated,” U.S. Sen. John McCain said Thursday.

“In a telephone interview with The Pueblo Chieftain, the presumptive GOP candidate for president said the water sharing agreement reached in 1922 between seven Western states doesn’t take into account increases in population and changing water needs.”

You can read the rest of McCain’s politically suicidal ramblings at www.chieftain.com. Suffice to say, they aren’t pretty.

As a senator, McCain has long represented a state, Arizona, that would love to steal Colorado’s water. But now, he wants our votes. Apparently, nobody bothered to brief the candidate who Paris Hilton called “that wrinkly, white-haired guy” that stealing Colorado’s water to benefit Arizona, California and Nevada isn’t as popular an idea in Colorado as it is in Arizona, California and Nevada.

Who knew?

As Ashby notes: “The Colorado River compact allocates 7.5 million acre-feet of water to California, Nevada and Arizona. Anything left over is split between Colorado, Utah, New Mexico and Wyoming.”

None of the latter four upper basin states whose snowmelt feeds the river is ecstatic about giving up our meager share of our birthright to fill those artificial lakes beloved by Las Vegas casinos. By the time Ashby’s story finishes rocketing around the Rockies, McCain’s name will be McMud among the water buffaloes.

The problem, from Colorado’s perspective, is that in the 76 years since the compact was signed, California, Nevada and Arizona have grown much more rapidly in population — and political power — than the upper basin states. So when the lower basin states talk about “renegotiating” the compact, that’s their code for a process of give and take — in which Colorado, Utah, New Mexico and Wyoming give and California, Arizona and Nevada take.

Colorado Sen. Ken Salazar, an expert on water law, sprang at McCain’s blunder like a mongoose throttling a cobra.

The compact would be reopened “over my dead body,” the normally mild-mannered Salazar roared.

Even the Sierra Club, rarely a friend to water buffaloes, piled on. Southwest regional director Rob Smith said, “Scientists have predicted a 10 to 30 percent reduction of water flow in the Colorado River due to long-term drought and higher temperatures associated with climate change in the Southwest. Instead of threatening a diminishing resource, it would be better to help states and communities with water conservation projects and stream restoration.”

Here’s some free advice, wrinkly guy: When campaigning in Colorado, you might survive advocating atheism, taking our guns away or outlawing apple pie. But never, ever, mess with our water.

McCain would have been wiser to heed the warning a visitor got years ago when he arrived in Pueblo to speak to the annual Lincoln Day Dinner. His hosts cautioned him that water is always a controversial topic in the Arkansas Valley. The speaker, whose former life in water-rich Iowa left him ill-prepared for the intensity of the wrangles over our liquid gold in semi-arid Colorado, asked, “What should I know about water?”

“Well, it’s all right to drink some,” his host replied. “But don’t talk about it. And for God’s sake, don’t spill any!”

Bob Ewegen (bewegen@ denverpost.com.) is deputy editorial page editor of The Denver Post.