Exhausted Cashier Eager to Return to Only Being Treated Like Subhuman Garbage at Work

ST. LOUIS — Exhausted grocery store cashier Adina Decker is anxiously awaiting the day the coronavirus panic-buying subsides and she can go back to just being treated like a “walking piece of shit” at work every day.

“Everything is so crazy now — we’ve got these strict safety measures and non-stop rushes, on top of being belittled by someone’s mom and then ignored by some finance bro who can’t be bothered to stop talking on his phone to tell me if they want paper or plastic,” the 19-year-old part-time worker said. “Hopefully, things can lighten up a little with the toilet paper hoarding. I can’t wait to go back to people threatening to have me fired over a 30 cent coupon that expired nine months ago — I miss the simpler times, where the most tiring part of my job was waiting for someone to write a check.”

Decker is not alone. Many others also hope to go back to just having their efforts at work dismissed while being regarded as invisible by the general public.

“I’m used to keeping distance, thanks to people not wanting to be anywhere near my general vicinity anytime I take the bus to and from work,” said custodial worker Eunie Joh. “But I hope that just busting my ass every time I come to work doesn’t take such a front seat, and there’s still time to feel unfairly judged when these office workers avert their eyes anytime I walk by and only talk to me when someone destroys the microwave with lasagna. I have faith that this will happen soon.”

For his part, Decker’s employer is also feeling the strain.

“We’re all overwhelmed by the toll this pandemic has taken, and look forward to the days ahead when just exploiting our hourly workers is at the top of our list of concerns,” said CEO Ben Marchand. “I understand that constantly re-stocking inventory and facing the public is a lot to take on on top of everything else, so once things calm down, we aim to continue to dehumanize our staff by offering breaks barely long enough for a dog to use the restroom, and hours just short of what might qualify them for health insurance.”

Meanwhile, the CDC encourages everyone to practice social distancing to limit the spread of coronavirus through exposure, hoping for a day when workers asking for a living wage can go back to comments like, “…they shoulda gone to college or something. Sorry, bitch.”