HEY BUTT CHUGGERS. YOU DONE CHUGGING BUTTS? Such is the kind of threat that will haunt the members of the University of Tennessee’s Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, a.k.a. Chug-a-Butt House, for the rest of their college careers (and hopefully lives), after news plopped out that a member had been butt chugging wine.

Yesterday, in an attempt to become less of a national laughingstock, the entire fraternity held a press conference with their bow-tied Southern lawyer, Daniel McGehee, to deny any and all butt chugging charges. Ironically, they became MORE of a punchline because they entirely missed the point. McGehee, who prefers to butt chug scotch, said:

“Mr. Broughton denies each and every allegation whatsoever that has been inferred that he may have been a gay man. He is a straight man. And he thinks the idea and concept of butt chugging is repulsive.” (Via)

Yes, THAT’S why we’re making fun of your client: it’s because we think he’s gay, and therefore “repulsive.” It has nothing to do with the fact that he used his BUTT, which is where poop comes out of, to CHUG wine, when he has a perfectly good mouth to do that for him. Here, we’ll help you out. Normal person:

You idiot(s):

See the difference? If McGehee was a good lawyer, he would have gone all out in proving his client’s straightness: “You see here, folks, a late-era Madonna compact disc is playing, and Mr. Broughton is neither grinding nor shaking his butt in a provocative manner towards a group of homosexuals, nor has he touched the Peach Breeze drink right in front of him, despite it being poured into a Barbra Streisand-in-Funny Girl collectible glass.”

Also, a note to all lawyers out there: don’t say “butt chugging” five times during the first five minutes of a press conference in which you’re trying to convince people that your client DIDN’T butt chug.

Heh, butt chug.

(Via Gawker)