Welcome to this week’s less late recap of RuPaul’s Drag Race, season 7 episode 10! This episode is a sorrowful one, as we say goodbye to one of the funniest, most compelling queens to ever compete. Spoilers and tears ahoy–and also some jokes.

Requiem for a Russian

I’ll start by ripping the band-aid off. It was for realsies, no takesies-backsies, no fever dream: we really did say goodbye to darling, beautiful, wonderful Katya.

In honor of Katya, I’ve passed on my typical, fart-sniffing pseudo-intellectual sophisticat-sophistican’t red wine for the cheapest Russian import vodka I could find. This little guy:

On with the show. We start with the rucap from last episode, which really just a retread of what happened last week. Ugh, what a rip off!

Trixie had the best mirror message of the season. After dispensing sentimental nonsense, she informs us:

PS SPOILER ALERT TRIXIE DOESN’T WIN LOL

Everyone congdragulates Katya and Violet as the winners and the prettiest people in the room at this moment.

But Ginger won’t let us keep sappiness going too long. She pokes Violet with a stick:

Ginger: “Does it scare you being the only one here who has not had to lip sync this year?” Violet: “Ginger, how does it feel to have a weakness? I feel like you’ve been strong this entire competition but I feel like I really got to see your weakness this week.”

The sound effects try to make this super-shady, but the way they all celebrate being five and laugh kinda detracts from that. Foiled again, my producery friends!

[Also foreshadowing from this conversation

Pearl: Never them see you sweat

Kennedy: That’s what this competition is all about

35 minutes later:

]

They talk about how they thought Katya was Russian for real at first. Katya admits that people coming to her show frequently also think she’s Russian. On a related note, this vodka ain’t bad at all! I’m feeling more Russian too!

They ask each other if anyone else speaks any other language, and Pearl claims to barely able to speak English. Last week, though, we learned that she’s fluent in made-up French, flase-daaah’lings!

So, it’s RuPaul’s garbled warbles followed by an equally insensible message about brands. Maybe we will have a product placement episode! We’ve never done that before!

But first, DudePaul enters the workroom to announce the second best mini-challenge the show has: PUPPETS!

RuPaul also says: Glory-hole-leluja

Tehehe.

Ginger and Violet fake-shade each other and it’s adorable. Equally adorable, Katya advises violet: “The key to capturing my essence is capturing my scent, visually”

Pearl has Kennedy, and does a spin on Kennedy’s weird fried chicken look.

Kennedy asks puppet Pearl why she isn’t wearing pads, and Pearl first argues it as being from New York, but then uses a sleepy Pearly Joke.

Then comes Violet with a Katya puppet, cigarette in mouth.

“Hi, I’m Katya Slobonanobovich” “Is that Russian? Are you from Russia?” “No.”

Katya has a Ginger puppet regale the group with stories of learning make-up from alligators.

Ginger’s Violet puppet is angry and despairing that her waist will never get down to two inches because Ginger’s fat wrist inside her is holding her back.

Main challenge

Ru introduces Hello Kitty by avoiding the fact that she’s a cat-person character, trying to make her sound like a real person. And the Original Kitty Girl enters and it’s like I’ve already had too much vodka and I’ll bet the queens feel the same way.

But, YAY! RUNWAY CHALLENGE! Dresses made out of Hello Kitty items! It’s like the gayest cosplay contest in America!

As the mini-challenge winner, Ginger gets first pick of the materials. Not that it really helps her much, as she anticipates struggling, and so do her fellow Bitter Old Lady Brigade members.

Ginger: “Take your Metamucil girls; this is gonna be a rough one”

By contrast, Violet is as excited about this challenge as a cat with a laser pointer:

or perhaps sitting in a cardboard box or sink

Oh, wait, that isn’t accurate. This is much better.

Violet and Katya work out an avante garde concept with umbrellas

Katya admires Violet’s unshakable confidence, which she tries to mimic by showing us her confident face:

Santino Rice is back! But now he’s unabashedly bald and seems like he’s been hitting the self-tanner pretty hard. Run out of vodka, Santino? You can borrow some of mine.

Then RuPaul introduces Violet and Santino, and it seems less like a workroom consult and more like Ru setting up two friends. Violet lays it on thick:

Kennedy: “Violet looks like the human gaydar”

On to Pearl. They talk about flase-da ideas for Pearl. When asked where flase-da came from, Pearl admits she thought it was a word, and thinks it might have come in a dream, to which Ru says “But just because you dreamt it doesn’t make it any less real, Pearl.”

….If that is true, I really need to be worried because the apocalypse is coming and there will be rows and rows of clothing racks but instead of shopping, we will all be hiding, because the band of werewolves on motorcycles are coming for us.

Just sayin’.

(Disclaimer: I really did dream that once.)

Ginger seems them coming to her table, so she quickly starts cutting fabric so she looks like she’s doing something, only to get asked how it’s coming. She cracks quickly. Santino advises Ginger cinch, but more importantly she should make something that makes her look good, because then she will hide what is bad and highlight what looks good. Crack advice, Santino!

While you’re at it, Santino, what should we do about this house that’s burning down?

Oh, and RU pulls out the ONE MORE THING! Out comes the Pit Crew and…

YES VIRGINIA THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS IT IS COSPLAY TIME!

In confessionals, Katya looks more and more like she’s going to cry. Katya talks about being a master at hiding her turbulet emotions but I dunno. Looking at her suffer makes me want to cry. And everyone keeps asking Katya how she’s doing.

Now I want to cosplay Baymax and give Katya a big hug, even though I know that this was all filmed a long time ago.

Pearl has been drawing Pearl since age 10, a character she’d draw to distract her from whatever was horrible in her life. Pearl and Violet have playful banter while doing make-up. THIS IS A CHARACTER BUILDING MOMENT, GUYS! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO RELATE TO PEARL! DO YOU RELATE TO HER YET?

Runway time! I love runway so much! Ru is wearing an orange abomination that I wish I could wear every day of my life.

Michelle is cosplaying too:

The celeb guest judge is someone I don’t know (because I’m out of touch) but she seems really happy to be there so I’m predisposed to like her. Because if I was ever given the chance to judge, I would go into think thinking I would be awesome and quippy and savvy and that it would be the best moment of my life, and in reality it would be the best moment of my life but I would just sort of drool, cross my eyes, and say “y’all dun look purty, shiny shiny shiny!” And then my jokes would all be super awkward and forced and I would probably be sort of vibrating from excitement like one of those yorkie-poo-Chihuahua monstrosities when they’re about to pee.

What I’m trying to say is, “RuPaul! Call me! I’m available!”

Hello Kitty walks the runway! Am I high on catnip, or is she extra fabulous?

And the BFFS!

Violet

Ginger

The only beef I have with Ginger is the whole cow-fat thing. I don’t like constantly being reminded that Ginger is fat.

Pearl

Hello Katya!

Kennedy

Pretty boring.

Pearl did ratchet better.

Now, the eleganza!

Violet

I can’t believe she made the gaydar wire work

Ginger

I actually love how over the top it is, but want bigger hair… which seems odd to ask of a drag queen.

Pearl

Snuggee realness! I actually love the way she managed to get the print of the blanket to lay just right.

Katya

The only thing calculated about this look is the calculator on her boobs.

Kennedy

This just looks like a Mean Girls-style Halloween costume to me

Critiques:

Everyone loves Violet because they have eyeballs (and boy-balls, in terms of Santino)

A horsefly tries to murder Ginger, so Violet saves her life.

They love Pearl’s BFF character, and for Pearl’s dress Santino pulls out a reference using big words and I don’t follow but I nod very emphatically. Then Pearl reads everyone else for being covered in Hello Kitty stuff during a Hello Kitty runway.

Katya! According to blonde lady judge, she “added International flavor to the Meow Mix” and was a “hot futuristic space mom who loves hello kitty”

Speaking of futuristic, I think blonde lady judge was a time traveler who checked the future, saw Katya was fan favorite, and so only praised Katya to win the love of the viewers.

Spoiler: It worked.

They don’t like Kennedy’s outfit at all and her defense is that the challenge was to keep to who they are, and this is who she is. Luckily, the judges call her out on that nonsense. Kennedy self-limits on some of these challenges in a way that frustrates me. She’s better than that.

Judges discussion!

They all praise Violet, Santino likes her eye for proportion. Yeah, I bet he wants to show her his proportion.

Blonde boy judge gives a bunch of cow puns for Ginger but doesn’t like the eleganza. Michelle mounts a good defense.

Blonde girl loves the glamour of Pearl’s dress, but Michelle points out that it only works on super thin girls. Plus, Kitty wouldn’t hang with Hello Pearl:

But would she hang out with an older Russian woman who smokes? All the other judges would! PEER PRESSURE!

Kennedy’s look was the weakest, and I don’t like crapping on people when they’re down so here’s Michelle:

And we’re back on stage! Violet wins because duh. (BTW, Violet, would you like to design a line of clothing that I wear around my house but am too afraid to leave the house in but man do they make me feel pretty? Call me!)

Pearl and Ginger are safe, Katya and Kennedy bottom two. Yeah, it was what had to be, but man am I sad about it. Kennedy gets the thunder, Katya the ominous sound effect, so we all know what will happen.

And the song happens. Man, I hate this song. Conveying emotion in this song is hard because I’m not convinced that Katy Perry has real emotions. I think she’s a robot, personally.

(Note: I considered doing a silly Katy Perry-Robot photoshop here, did a google image search for “robot with boobs,” and then quickly closed my browser. Not enough vodka for that.)

Anyway, as the song goes on I forget that it’s a lipsync and start thinking it’s a gymnastics meet.

Understandable, right?

Violet cheers really loudly, and I love her even more.

Kennedy was pulling out all of the stops from the beginning of the song, so she stays.

Katya leaves, done in not by being less than the competition–because she isn’t. She’s wonderful and amazing and anyone who says otherwise is a capitalist pig–but because she defeats herself by failing to love herself and believe in herself as much as we do.

Luckily, with the Validation from the Internet, I’m sure Katya will go on to great things. I’m thinking she can tour with fellow drag race alums.

Actually, I stumbled upon some posters for upcoming tours she’s doing, teamed up with other Drag Race superstars!

Other suggestions I was too lazy to photoshop because I looked at the clock and thought, “Wow, and I haven’t even STARTED on the gifs!”

Katya and Gia Gunn in, “Tsardines” Katya and Dida in, “Putin on the Ritz” Katya and Hello Ginger in, “From MosCow with Love” Or she could lead a large variety act in, “Ukrain’t Do That On Television”

Regardless, the future is bright for our favorite fake-Russian/fake-woman!