Last night from Los Angeles, Trent "It's Not A Tumor" Reznor posted the "first wave" of Nine Inch Nails tourdates. Because TMT has me working in the wee hours of the "Extra Early Morning Shit," as Mr P calls it, I was sleeping when the news was announced. That is, until my implanted TMT Newsfeed© abruptly kicked in:

NINE INCH NAILS HAVE ANNOUNCED A TOUR.

I immediately awoke from my slumber, ascended slowly from bed, raised my two arms in front of me, and, with enough dispassion so as to signify a zombie, said, "Muuuuust wriiiite stoooooory." So, here I am, in my Tonka truck pajamas, writing a story that won't even be published right away, about a band called Nine Inch Nails, who released an album called Ghosts (TMT Review), the majority of which probably won't be played live. And there you are, so beautiful and true, so lovely and amazing, so warm and inviting. You, my friend, are a TMT reader, and I want to have sexual relations with you.