Above is PETA’s bizarre public service announcement for veganism, featuring a woman limping around in a neck brace. What happened? Her boyfriend took up veganism, and apparently became so “good” at sex that she incurred a series of fun, sexy physical injuries. Hilarious! From the ad’s narration:

“This is Jessica. She suffers from BWVAKTBOOM . Boyfriend Went Vegan, And Knocked The Bottom Out Of Me. A painful condition that occurs when boyfriends go vegan and can suddenly bring it like a tantric porn star.”

Um, yes. Because all ladies want is to get railed until they need a neck brace and can barely walk or even put on pants, right? Besides the obvious offense to women (not to mention victims of actual sexual and domestic assault) here, this is also just a confusing message. If veganism actually does heighten your sexual prowess, shouldn’t the ads make it look a little more fun than this? You know, maybe a couple that looks happy instead of incapacitated by this cruelty-free new lifestyle. As it stands, this “boyfriend went vegan” campaign just makes me want to run and hide in the arms of a safe, flaccid carnivore. Sorry to get sanctimonious, but then, if anyone should understand an urge towards sanctimony, it’s PETA.