Ever heard of Tinder?

If you haven’t, here are the details. It’s a dating app for your smart phone. You create a profile, and upload some pictures of yourself. After that, you get to be Shallow Hal. You’re presented with a bunch of profiles . . . of whatever gender you’re into. If you like what you see, swipe to the right. If you don’t, then REJECT TO THE LEFT. And if the people you swipe right, swipe right for you, BAM, you get the option to chat with said person.

Naturally, I signed up for the app. Finding people who are into my furrowed brows? Not a problem. Unfortunately, my chat game may need some work. Apparently, “Sup gurl”, “Hey bae”, and “Dat ass doe” aren’t the best pickup lines.

But back in August, I had a revelation. Why should I put effort into being creative . . . especially when I can steal other people’s thoughts off the internet? It’s the American way!

The biggest problem: finding someone with thoughts that really jump out of the box. Twitter is the PERFECT medium to find these . . . thoughts(?).

Why? Because Twitter in a nutshell is this: a bunch of people screaming random thoughts, hoping that someone will validate them with a “favorite”. Or . . . GASP . . . A RETWEET.

Still, random tweets from the average Joe don’t really resonate. But when they come from an athlete – especially one that doesn’t play the cliche game (except that one time) – they sure as hell do.

The Houston twitter scene has this. Its crown jewel? Arian. Isa. Foster.

So I hit the Tinder, with the wise words of Arian’s twitter account. And here is what happened:

1.



Someone’s self-conscious.

2.



She’s got a point.

3.



Prove that hot take wrong, bro.

4.



Not so funny now, eh?

5.



Fun fact: You can’t Tinder on planes.

6.



No, go get a fortune cookie.

7.



You should buy it more catnip.

8.



No one can handle back to back cheesy quotes.

9.



Normal conversations are for non-rebels

10.



PS, I didn’t.

11.



I’m talking about open minds, man

12.



I’m legitimately lost.

13.



Stop linking me to your jezebel blog, bro.

14.



I’m surprised less people were confused like this.

15.



Seriously, Caillou is everything that’s wrong with Canada.

16.



Easy Arian, you’re telling me that my cat Gabbie hates me? Get real, bro.

17.



Arian’s soul-mate.

18.



That escalated….slowly.

19.



Disgusting.

20.



FINALLY, someone who appreciates manicuring eyebrows

21.



One thing we can all agree on. Caillou sucks.

22.



EXPOSED!

These are just a few of the gems Arian – aka Feeno? – drops on the Twitter. Watch out Tinder. With these lines, and this face, I’m about to find me a wife. Or something. Probably Sarah, who loves good eyebrows.

Paul Gallant hosts “Gallant at Night” – Weeknights 7-11 PM CT – on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57. Get in touch with Paul via email or his facebook page.