VW: Porsche, mein Bruder, you probably wonder why we brought you here today. You see, we all know about your gambling problem, even though you've been hiding it well. As you can see, the whole family is here.

Audi: Let me say something, Porsche. You've lost your focus. You need to look inside yourself, because trust me: Everyone cares most about the interior, even if you're otherwise pretty unreliable.

Bentley (in German-tinged fake British accent): Hear, hear, mein gut chap. You've got to stop throwing money at your problems and start getting people to throw money at you instead.

SEAT: I've got nothing to add, but I'll echo the same message as Audi 3-5 years from now.