Any good parent knows the proper amount of cocaine to give their child on his or her 18th birthday, a most deserving of occasions. Kicking off the evening with £300 ($461.03) worth of the great white beast is generally regarded as a bit on the excessive side, far above the recommended 18th birthday cocaine budget of $100.

Nicola Austen would like the world to know that she most assuredly begs to differ. Not only did she purchase the $461 in cocaine, she also divided up the birthday haul in 12 different "wraps" spread across "sections of her living room." According to esteemed literary journal the Daily Mail, the drugs were discovered during a raid at Austen's three-bedroom home in the Kent area near London.

"It's all been blown out of proportion," Austen reportedly told local journalists. "I've had enough. It isn't exactly the scoop of the century, is it? It was a party!" Austen miraculously avoided jail time by proving that her absence would have an "adverse" impact on her family due to the age of her son, as opposed to the totally positive impact that jailed parents usually has on children and other family members.