John Oliver Compares Clinton's Scandals Against the Tidal Wave of Trump Scandals

I know in a lot of ways here, I’m preaching to the choir. And I know in a lot of ways, preaching to those outside the choir doesn’t really seem to work. There are large segments of the population whose mind on specific issues cannot be changed, and no amount of argument will make that different. So rather than deal with the voting bloc that would in fact still vote for Trump after he shot a person in the middle of Fifth Avenue, I feel like we need to start addressing the somehow still mostly undecided voters. Specifically, the people that have triggered the 31 percent drop since August 13th in the likelihood that Clinton will win.

Because what the actual fuck, guys? What’s going on? What new piece of information were you given in the last 6 weeks that made you think Fuckface Von Clownstick might actually be the person you want running the country? And don’t start with the words “Well, Hillary.” Despite my overall lack of enthusiasm about Clinton, the real reason I’m voting for her is because she’s qualified for the position. I might not like everything about her, but I know she’ll do at least an above average job. The fact that voting for her will also save us from the Gold Leaf Apocalypse is a not-inconsequential bonus.

And outside of all the racist, sexist, queerphobic rhetoric, the blatant lies, and the unwarranted self-aggrandizement, Trump would be a wildly incompetent president. We know that because he’s a wildly incompetent businessman. Cheating and breaking the law aren’t really the best business models, and despite his “billions” in wealth, Trump won’t be able to bribe the U.S. out of whatever crises he got us into. Breaking the law on repeated occasions isn’t a “scandal,” it’s a felony. Being an international pariah and a national disgrace isn’t a scandal, it’s grounds to be barred from ever holding any elected office. And most importantly, being willfully and proudly ignorant of basic government policies and procedures isn’t a scandal, it means you’re an incompetent asshole.

So if we’re going to continue pretending that we’re merely trying to give “equal coverage” to both candidates, we’re at least going to need to start referring to their flaws appropriately. We’ve got Hillary’s scandals, and Trumps most-likely-illegal displays of gross inadequacy. And luckily, we’ve got only 42 more days before the election.

Emily Chambers is a Staff Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow her retweeting other people on Twitter.