CELEBitchy - A while back, Star Magazine did a cover story on celebrities’ secret sex lives, and unnamed sources and random people “dished” on what various celebrities are like in bed. There was a story about Leonardo DiCaprio from Bobbie Brown, the model and video girl from the 1980s and early ‘90s. Brown and DiCaprio had a one night thing, probably in the ‘90s. And Brown said Leo was awful in bed, and that he is… um, quick to the finish line? And that he doesn’t care very much about the lady’s pleasure. Well, now Star Magazine has another exclusive about Leo’s sex life. This sounds so unpleasant.

Leonardo DiCaprio “is selfish, lazy and downright rude,” says a source whose BFF bedded the 41-year-old Oscar winner. “She told me that during the act, Leo put on headphones and even started vaping! Then he signaled her to keep going while he just laid back and zoned out.” The woman was so confused by the situation that she just carried on, embarrassed and hoping for things to change. But Leo continues to lie there, listening to MGMT, while his “date” was left wondering what was in this for her. “Leo knows women are mesmerized by his stardom, so he obviously doesn’t care at all whether they’re satisfied or not,” says another insider. “He can sleep with almost any woman he wants without even trying, so it’s no surprise he doesn’t try in bed either.”

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Leo! Wait hold on, this is easy, let me copy and paste my blog from last week real quick:

I will treat this story like every other outlandish, outrageous Leo Dicaprio rumor that I post – I will 100% believe it. I mean in the interest of not libeling or slandering or defaming anyone I’ll officially leave a little wiggle room here and say ok, we can’t totally verify this, believe it or not sometimes people with anonymous user names posting on message boards (EDIT:) that run celebrity gossip sites with anonymous unnamed sources aren’t always telling the complete truth. But come on now, you know it and I know it, in our heart of hearts, Leo was one trillion percent showing up to Disney waterparks in the 90’s lit out of his mind whipping his dick out and pissing down waterslides before going down it headfirst in his spiked belt (EDIT:) wearing headphones listening to his most fire Spotify playlist during sex then taking breaks during the position switches to vape. That’s just something you really can’t deny happened. If you want to be one of those nerds who likes to verify sources and fact check and all that stuff be my guest, just saying, you’re wasting your time.

I mean come on, what do you expect him to do. He’s freaking Leo DiCaprio. You think he’s going down on you for an hour then focusing all his attention on pleasing you? You know what kind of guys are worrying about your enjoyment of the sex? Guys who aren’t Leo DiCaprio. Guys who need to try as hard as they possibly can to make sure you’ll have sex with them again. Guys who aren’t sure when the next time they get to have sex will come along, if it ever does, ever again. The guys currently writing and reading this blog. Not the guy who’s got the 10 hottest models in the world lined up and snaps his fingers to replace them with 10 more. That guy can fire up Electric Feel on his Bose noise cancellers and take massive vape hits to the face while he’s getting his nut before bed.