If there are two things to take away from four years of education at UC Berkeley, they would be:

1. The world's a rough place

2. The concept of supply and demand

These are exactly what some students are currently experiencing as they trench through their final week here at UC Berkeley. While many students accidentally bought general commencement tickets instead of graduate

commencement

tickets for themselves out of confusion, others outright forgot to buy the tickets. Many are scrambling to different Facebook pages such as "Free and for sale" and "Class of 2015" to buy themselves

graduate

commencement

tickets off of other students. A quick look on ticket selling websites such as www.stubhub.com will show that tickers are now selling for an upwards of $400, with varying ticket prices that include different perks. Many students have tried emailing different campus employees in hope of getting a chance for this wonderful once in a life time opportunity but have been met back with hopeless replies. The campus has finally broken its silence, presumably due to the innumerable number of calls and emails they have been getting:

"It's embarrassing to see that some of our students are failing to follow some of our most basic instructions to date. If they have failed to do so, then unfortunately they have no place to walk on that stage. It would improperly represent our campus. They literally had just one more step to follow and they failed that. It brings great shame to our name and great campus."

The beauty of supply and demand.

Fourth year and soon to be graduating Haas senior, Chad Bradley is doing what any other Haas student with common sense would do: Capitalizing on the opportunity: "Lol dude screw them. They f**ked up and now I'm making money off of their f**k up!! I'm putting this $450 towards my indiegogo campaign to fund my post undergrad trip! Here's the link for anyone who's interested in helping me raise $2000 more!!: RETRACTED"

When asked if he had any compassion towards his fellow peers, he simply replied with "I don't know them. You snooze you lose. That's life. Deal with it. I can keep going on and on."

Lindsey, a biochemical major who will also be graduating this Saturday said "It's honestly hilarious! They just keep outbidding each other and I'm eating it up. It's like watching a pack of puppies fighting over the last bite. And to top it all off, I'm not even selling a graduate ticket! I'm selling a general ticket and they just don't know the difference haha."

Those students who will missing out in action are considering approaching this situation in a traditional Berkeley manner, by protesting under the slogan "WE ARE NOT F**K UPS! WE JUST F**KED UP ONCE! NOW PLEASE GIVE US A CHANCE!" in hopes of getting a graduate commencement ticket for themselves.









P.S. I'm looking to buy a graduate commencement ticket face value only. Pls email me at jgnakhla@berkeley.edu





Note: All characters and events in this post, even those based on real people or entities, are entirely fictional. This is a satirical article.