Civilization 5 offends my Hungarian sensibilities

This post was written on a horse, while reading about Empress of Austria and Queen of Hungary.

I understand Americans learn very little of Eastern Europe, so I don’t hold it against Civilization 5 for making Budapest a city-state instead of an actual civilization. Sure sure, it hurts, but Americans get such lousy education these days I can’t expect the Firaxis team to know that Hungary is one of the oldest and best countries in Europe.

What I absolutely cannot dismiss, for its outright heart-piercing egregious nature, is the kind of city-state Budapest is: …militaristic. How is it that Bucharest, of Romania, is a “cultured city”, but Budapest is not? What has Bucharest contributed to the world?

Budapest is just as responsible for Freud’s theories as Vienna is. The largest synagogue and medicinal bath is in Hungary. The Hungarians invented wine before the French, and Dracula has captivated audiences around the globe, as has the Rubiks Cube. Einstein wouldn’t have developed the atomic bomb for America before Germany if it wasn’t for the help of his Hungarian friends. We have excellent china, and even the Mexicans steal our embroidery patterns. And despite how much we all hate the gypsies, one cannot forget their ability to make excellent music. Our Goulash is far superior to any other country’s. The Hungarian parliament is more beautiful than England’s, and our women are easily the most beautiful in the world. Was Bucharest ever called the “Paris of Eastern Europe?” No. Bucharest is the “little Paris of Eastern Europe”.

Has Bucharest contributed anything to the world’s culture, to earn the status of a cultural city-state in Civilization 5?

Let’s look at the facts: Romania is known for stealing Transylvania, birthing gypsies, and copying a Parisian monument. Again, I ask, what has Bucharest done for the world? Besides steal tourism logos? I draw a blank. Can you name a famous Romanian? No. You can’t.

The labeling of Hungary vs Bucharest as a militaristic city-state is an incomprehensible mistake and I am almost half-pressed to think Firaxis did this to spite me. I demand Firaxis fix this mix-up immediately, before I sic my dogs on them.

Unless, of course, in Firaxis’ decision to name Hungary a militaristic city-state, they were referring to the might of the Hungarian cavalry and the reason behind the Great Wall. I would find this flattering, but it still does not explain why Bucharest is in Civilization 5.