From what I can tell, there are wankers who also have ‘relations’, some who used to but don’t any more, and me – I’m a solo-sex girl-worshipper, life-long. I’ve read about others like me, but don’t know any of them.

There are all sorts of fetishes, so to be clear, I only ‘look’. At girls. That makes me a voyeur I guess, but I’m not a peeping tom, I don’t need – or want – to see girls nude, I don’t want to watch people ‘at it’. I’m lucky that I’m content to get my pleasure watching fully-dressed girls – fully, but sexy-dressed.

From an early age that meant if I hung out my window all day, I’d usually see a miniskirt girl and spunk down the wall watching Her. ‘Lucky views’ were the only way back then I got to see girls show, apart from in my huge collection of magazines. Huge. All my worship was ‘secret’, i.e. you can’t tell girls at work or at school that they make you cum in your pants and you wank on them all the time. It wasn’t until I was middle-aged that I got to worship personally.

In my teens my inadequacy wasn’t really a problem, most blokes hadn’t ‘done it’, though when I heard those that had boasting about their exploits, I felt this strong guilt and humiliation – they were talking about the girls whose names I was chanting last night as I masturbated. I only knew what a bra was because I heard one of the blokes telling his mate how he could undo Her bra with one hand (later on I’d collect lingerie catalogues so was a lot better informed).

I also felt guilty whenever I had contact with girls, at school or later at work, not just because I was secretly worshipping them, but also because I knew people, ‘normal’ people, ‘did it’, and I didn’t. It was a few years though until I was happy to call myself a wanker.

As a youth I guess I knew what I was, but didn’t really think about it or try to rationalise it – self-awareness comes with maturity. I knew I was painfully shy with girls – I didn’t seek contact but it was inevitable in the normal course of life at school, and at work it was unavoidable. So I never got into conversation with girls, scarcely looked them in the eye, but at school that’s not necessarily unusual and no-one particularly notices.

Looking back now I realise that I didn’t like physical contact, I never thought about touching girls, even being in ‘their space’, mainly because it would have been a violation. I hadn’t coined the terms ‘goddess’ or ‘girl-worship’ back then, but I definitely regarded girls as superior, mysterious creatures that I didn’t understand but who had tremendous power over me – just sitting there ogling Miss Maggie bulging in Her tight sweater would induce the most exquisite ecstasy – and very wet pants – in a matter of minutes.