this chapter is the longest i've written for this story, but trust and believe more long chapters are probably going to come lol. this is also a super heavy chapter, a lot of angst. i'm pretty proud of it, though, and i hope you all like it.

if you are triggered by prostitution or mentions of it, please be careful going forward with this chapter. there is a lot of talk about it. otherwise, feel free to proceed.

Plagued by dreams of his ex, Finnick ends up having to face an event from his past that he would rather forget. Luckily for him, Judy is ready to help him out.

Chapter Text

It was dark when he entered the house, and that made him nervous. It was never dark, she hated being in the dark. His heart was in his throat as he pushed the door open, padding in and shutting it behind him.

“Hello?”

Nothing. Not a word, not a sound. Nothing.

Never a good sign.

“Bells? Look, I’m sorry about earlier,” he called as he walked into the house, swallowing down the anxiety in the back of his mind. “I shouldn’t have yelled. But we need to talk about what happened, okay?”

Still nothing.

His heart was pounding his chest as he climbed the stairs. Was she even still here? Where would she go? Would she be with her sister? Or maybe she went to go see her mom? Or...had HE called her back to work? Gods, he hoped not, she was in no state for that shit. Why couldn’t she ever catch a break? Why couldn’t they just get away from all of this?

Why couldn’t she have just said yes?

“Bells? C’mon, sweetheart, please say something. Anything.” His paws were trembling as he reached for the doorknob of their bedroom. “I’m coming in, okay?”

Silence.

Inari, please, let her be okay.

He opened the door and the sound that left him was near primal.

“No…!”

“Finn? Finn!”



“Huh??” He sat up suddenly, panting, shaking, his eyes wide. Where was she, what happened, what--??

“Whoa, hey.” Gentle paws stroked over his ears and back, the voice soft and warm. “Hey, now. It’s okay. You were dreaming.”

Dreaming. Right. Finnick closed his eyes, leaning against Judy as she sat by him. Her scent wafted up to his nose, helping calm him. Thank all the gods above for this bunny, honestly. He did not deserve such a good friend.

Judy leaned her head against him, still rubbing his back. “Bad dreams?”



He just nodded.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”



He shook his head.



“Finn…” She hesitated, pausing the caresses on his back. “You were screaming.”

Shit. He tensed, opening his eyes and leaning away from her. Inari damn it, now he was in for it. When she had that tone, it meant she wanted to know something, and she wasn’t going to stop until she had what she wanted. This was why he hadn’t wanted to sleep in the apartment, he’d known that he would get too comfortable and something like this would happen. He sighed, rubbing a paw over his face.

“Flopsy, it’s late. We both work soon. Do we have to do this now?”

“No, of course not, sorry.” The bunny looked over at him, violet eyes filled with concern. “I’m just worried. Are you okay? Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? I’ve never heard you make that sound before…”

A stab of guilt went through his heart. Damn it, why did she have to look at him with that voice and those eyes? Didn’t she know what it did to him? Though a tiny voice in the back of his mind told him yes, she did, and that’s why she did this. Finn groaned and leaned back into the couch, dragging the blanket up to his chin. “I’m fine. Promise. Just...bad dreams.”

“Okay…” He could tell by the tone of her voice that she didn’t like his answer, but she also knew she wasn’t going to get anything else out of him. But that didn’t stop her from wrapping her arms around him, giving him a tight hug. “You promise you’ll come wake me up if you need me, though?”

Damn her. Bless her. Finn gave her a soft smile, nuzzling her cheek once. “I promise.” Then he playfully shoved her off of him. “Now get to bed, missy. It’s way past your bedtime.”

“Geez, fine, dad!” She grinned at him then headed back to her room, calling over her shoulder, “Remember your promise!”

“Yeah, yeah, I will.” He waited until he heard the door close before flopping down on the couch, groaning.

Great. Now the dreams decided to start again. Fucking brilliant.

He just hoped that this didn’t keep up. He didn’t need Flopsy nosing into his past business.

She probably will anyways , he thought to himself before he fell asleep again.

“So, do you wanna talk about it?” Judy asked him the following morning as he drove her to the police station for her shift.

Finn rolled his eyes, turning his blinker on to get into the other lane. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Finnick, you were screaming.”

“Sorry it woke you up.”

“I’m a light sleeper, comes from growing up in such a big burrow.” She fixed him with a firm look. “Don’t try to change the subject.”

Damn, she really wasn’t to let this go, was she? Finn shook his head, pulling up to and parking in front of the station. “Flopsy, I’m fine, okay?”

She reached over to place her paw on his, her eyes searching his. “Are you sure?”

No. “Yeah.” He pulled his paw out from under hers, reaching over to pat her head. “Now, get out. I gotta get to work.” He unlocked the doors. “Want me to pick up anything for dinner before I pick you up tonight?”

“Some tofu pad tai, please.” She unbuckled and leaned over to peck him on the cheek before opening the door. “Try to have a good day, okay?” She hopped down, closing the door and trotting up the steps, stopping to hug a fat cheetah and a tigress before going in.

Finn flopped back against his seat, staring out his windshield at nothing. Truth be told, the dream from last night really shook him. The rest of the night played out the same dream more or less, and while he was glad he hadn’t screamed again he was angry that he’d woken up shaking harder than before. It just seemed...so real…

Maybe he should go see her again soon…

Finn checked the time and shook his head, starting up his van again and hurrying back to the highway. No time for that now. He had to work.

“No…!”

He ran over to the female laying on his floor, grabbing her up in his arms and shaking her. “Bells? Bells! C’mon, wake up, open your eyes! Please!” He leaned down to press his ear to her chest, hoping and praying that he heard something.

But he didn’t. Her heart wasn’t beating…

“No, no, no, no!” He shook her again, tears falling unbidden from his eyes. “Don’t do this to me! Wake up! Wake the fuck up, you bitch!”

She didn’t respond. She was still, going cold in his arms.

“Bella…!”

“Finn, wake up!” Judy shook him, her voice sharp with worry.



He jerked awake, his chest heaving, red eyes still blurry with sleep staring up at her, wide. “F-Flopsy??”



She gathered him into her arms, rocking him back and forth gently. “Shh, it’s okay, it was just a dream.”



Finnick clung to her, shaking, gasping. He clenched his eyes shut tight, trying to hold back tears from falling.



Inari, how could he have been so stupid??



It took a few minutes before he felt okay enough to push away from her, and she let him go immediately. She got and went to the kitchen, getting him a glass of water. He took it gratefully from her, taking slow sips. It wouldn’t do him any good to gulp it down, he needed to be able to keep it down. The bunny sat by him, quiet, rubbing his back just as she had the night before. He was grateful for it, though also bracing himself for what he knew was coming.

“Will you please tell me what’s going on?” Her eyes were almost pleading as she looked at him. “And don’t tell me that it’s nothing. You were screaming again.”

He shook his head, clenching his jaw. No way was he going to burden her with that shit.

“Finn, please, I want to help!”

“No, Judy.” Why did this have to happen? He had been doing so good, he hadn’t dreamed about her in so long.

“Who’s Bella?”

Fuck. Just hearing her name out loud sent cold chills down his spine. He clammed up tight, drawing away from her. He set the glass down and crossed his arms tight over his chest, his shoulders hunched. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Finn--”

“Flopsy--”

“You were screaming her name. You sounded like you were in pain. You can’t just tell me not to worry about it.”

“Well, I am.” He looked at her sharply, eyebrows furrowing. “I’m not talking about this.”

“Why not??” Her eyes searched his desperately. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do, but this isn’t something I want to talk about right now.” Why did she have to make this so hard? Couldn’t she see how much he was hurting? Surely she understood this.

She stared at him for a few moments more before sighing, reaching up to smooth her ears down. “Fine. It’s late, we both need to sleep.” She looked at him, gaze firm. “But we are going to talk about this, Finnick Leary.” Then she was up and back to her room, shutting the door firmly behind her.

He groaned and flopped back down, crossing his arms over his eyes. “Gods fucking damn it.”

He didn’t get much more sleep, and the ride to the station was silent that morning. She didn’t even look at him when she got out, slamming the van door and stomping into the station, not even greeting the other officers before going in. He winced and shook his head before heading to work. Obviously she was angry, but hopefully she would get over it by tonight. He really didn’t want to deal with an angry bunny all evening.

His job was tedious and mundane, but on days like today he really didn’t mind. The continuous work helped to keep his mind from wandering, plus it was Friday which meant they were busier than usual. The owners, Tony and Maria, two sweet boars, were in, and they commented on how hard he worked and how grateful they were for it. He liked them, they were good animals who had worked hard to get where they were. They almost reminded him of himself in that way… He shook that thought out of his mind.

No, they were much better mammals than him. They had probably never done what he’d done….what he’d almost done.

Judy still wouldn’t even look at him when he picked her up that evening. He didn’t even try to make conversation, understanding her frustration. After all, he deserved it. But he just couldn’t talk about it. Not to her. He didn’t want her to think badly of him…

It was still silent as they had dinner, and he expected her to go to her room straight away, but she surprised him by sitting down beside him on the couch. She finally looked at him, and something about the look in her eyes made him bristle.

“I called Nick. He told me who Bella is.”

Fuck. “And? What did he say about her?” He clenched his paws in his lap, refusing to look at her. Oh, how the tables turned.

“That she’s your ex. That she hurt you badly, that she’s the reason you’re living in your van. And…” she paused before going on, “that she’s the reason you guys had your falling out.”

“Hm.” That definitely wasn’t all the fox had said about her. Nick hated Bella, always had. Finn could only imagine the shit he’d probably bitched about to the bunny.



Judy leaned over and tried to put a paw on his, but he jerked it away from her. “Finn. I get it. She was awful, slept around and took your money--”

“No, she didn’t.” He glared at the rabbit, his lip raising on one side. “She didn’t ‘sleep around,’ her pimp made her entertain other animals.”

She blinked, surprised. “She was a prostitute?”

Fucking, damn it, he’d said too much. He looked away, feeling himself starting to shut down again. “Forget it, okay?”

“Finn, talk to me, please!” She grabbed his paw, refusing to let go when he tried to pull it away from her. “Tell me what happened. I can help you--”

“No, you can’t! No one can!” Stop it . He took in a deep breath, trying to get his bearings back. Yelling at her wouldn’t fix anything. He gently pried her paws off of his, fixing her with a firm look. “What happened is in the past. Okay? I can’t go back and fix it, no one can. What’s the point in talking about it?”

“You’re clearly not over it, you’ve been having nightmares about her.” The bunny’s eyes were concerned as she stared at him. “Clearly what Nick told me isn’t entirely true, so why don’t you just talk to me and we can get it all cleared up.”

“Because I don’t want to.” Gods, she was so persistent and he was so fucking tired.

“Finn, please, I just want to help.”

“I know you do.” He understood that, but, fuck, she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. No one could. “Look...she’s gone. Okay? Bella’s gone.”

Judy looked like he had just struck her, flinching back as her ears fell down her back. “She’s...she’s dead?”

“What? No.” He shook his head, reaching out to her. “No, she’s not dead.” He frowned, pulling his paw back as his ears laid back. “But she might as well be.”

“Finn.”

He shook his head. “I’m not talking about it, Flopsy. Please. Let this one go.”

It was quiet for a bit before she finally sighed. “Okay. Fine.” She got up, giving him one last sad look before heading into her bedroom, closing the door faintly behind her.

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in, then leaned forward and pressed the heels of his paws into his eyes. “Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.” Why was it like this? Why was it always like this when it came to her? Why had he had to have gotten all wrapped in it? Why hadn’t he just listened to Big?

“Never fall in love with a prostitute, Finnegan. It always ends badly.”

He had been right, so fucking right that Finn hated it. He hated the whole situation, he hated everything that they’d had to go through. He hated this, hated dreaming about her, hated remembering her, hated having to suffer for her. He hated that he had been stupid enough to get caught up in everything, hated that he’d ever believed that she could love him.

But, most of all...he hated himself for not hating her.

“Lord Inari, please, help me. I don’t know what to do…”

It took a moment for him to remember to try CPR on her. After a few minutes of trying it and convinced that he’d lost her forever, he’d gotten a heartbeat. Faint, barely beating, but still there. After that he was quick to call an ambulance, who seemed to take forever to get there. The whole time he was waiting for them, he held her close to him, rocking her back and forth, whispering fiercely to her.

“Don’t leave me...please don’t leave me…”

The ambulance finally arrived and thankfully they let him ride with them to the hospital. They rushed her to the ER, telling him to stay and wait for someone to come update him.

The next hour was one of the worst of his life. He paced in the waiting room back and forth, wringing his paws, praying to any god that was listening to please save her, spare her, take him instead. Just...please. Don’t let her leave this world. He didn’t know if he would be able to go on if she wasn’t by his side anymore.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a badger came out to talk to him. “Finnick Leary?”

He rushed over to her, eyes wide and ears trembling. “That’s me. How is she??”

“Alive, but just barely. She’s lucky to be alive, drug overdoses like this usually kill animals.”



“Drugs?” His mind whirled, trying to make sense of it. Bella didn’t do drugs, she’d been vehemently against it. Why on earth would she do that, she knew how bad Cabone’s batches usually were. Was...was this his fault? Had their fight pushed her to this? Oh, gods. He shoved that away, looking up at the nurse. “Can I see her?”

The badger hesitated. “Yes, but...there’s something you should know first.”

His heart felt like it had sank all the way down to his feet. “What? What is it?”

The next two days were hard. He and Judy barely spoke to each other, both walking on eggshells around the other. Finn hated it. The dreams he was having were getting worse, too. At this point, they were memories, ones he had long ago shoved into a dark corner of his mind, never letting himself think about them. What was the point, it was done and over with. It made no sense for him to dwell on it.

Apparently his subconscious disagreed.

By the third day he couldn’t take it anymore, he had to get out of the apartment. It was too tense and quiet in there now, though he was well aware that it was his fault. If he just talked to her, worked it out...but something deep inside held back. He just wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.

He drove around, doing little errands. First he stopped by Marlow’s to see how the sun bear was doing. Then he stopped by Marian’s to see her for a little bit. She could tell that something was on his mind, but she didn’t push. Thank Inari. Then he stopped by a bistro, grabbing a sandwich and a few bottles of water, then he stopped by a flower stand to get some lilies and a few strands of lavender. They always made him think of her…

By the middle of the day, though, he could feel eyes on his back, watching him. And he was pretty sure he knew who it was.

Gods, she really couldn’t just leave it alone, could she?

Then, finally, he knew that he couldn’t avoid it any longer. Finn drove his van up towards Peak Street, right near the center of the city. There were a few stops on the transit line there, and close to the third station was a building that stood out among all the others. It was only one story, but was long, consisting of what looked like four separate buildings all attached in the middle. There was a garden and a fountain on one side, and on the other was a pool and what looked like tennis courts. There were only about five vehicles parked in front of it, excluding his. The buildings were stark white, the doors all metal and painted a dark green color.

Finnick parked in the parking lot, unbuckling and grabbing the flowers. He got out, closing the door behind him before taking in a deep breath and heading towards the front door. But he stopped when he saw the bunny sitting on the curb. For fuck’s sake. He huffed, trotting up to her and stopping in front of her. “Flopsy.”

She slowly looked up at him, her eyes sheepish. “Hi.”

“Why have you been stalking me all day?”

“I wasn’t stalking you, I was following you.”



“Same thing.” He looked down at her, one eyebrow raised. “How did you know where to find me?”



“Nick told me that you come here to visit her. I tried to get in, but the nurses won’t let me in. Stupid HIPPO Act.” Judy huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, fuck them for trying to protect their patients.” Finn rolled his eyes at her, stepping around her towards the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me--”

“Wait.” She sprang up, grabbing his arm before he could go any further. “Finn. Please. Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He yanked out of her grip, glaring at her.

“Let me come in with you. Please.”

“No.”

“Why not?!” She threw up her paws, frustrated. “Why are you still pushing me away? You say you trust me, but you refuse to talk to me about this. We’re supposed to be best friends, no secrets, remember?”

“Some shit is just too much to let it up in the air like that. This is my shit, Flopsy. Mine . Not yours. You can’t just insert yourself into every situation, okay? I’m handling it just fine. So how about you take that little tail of yours and beat it!”

Her expression fell, her whole demeanor deflating. Her ears fell down her back and she rubbed her arm with a paw, looking down at the pavement. “I...I’m sorry. I just...wanted to help.” Her lips trembled, her violet eyes seeming to be getting watery. “I know it’s none of my business, and I shouldn’t pry. I just want to help my friend. I don’t know what else to do, you keep pushing me away.” She looked at him, sniffling and wiping at her eyes. “You don’t always have to do this alone, Finn.”

Damn it. Why did she have to look like that? Why couldn’t she just get angry and stomp off? It would be so much easier to tell her to fuck off if she did. Instead, she had to look so sad and it ate at his heart. He hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings.

“Ugh.” He groaned, rubbing his temples with one paw before glaring at her. “Fine. Fine. But,” he held up a finger when she brightened and got excited, “you have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone else about this. Not your coworkers, not your family, no one.” He fixed her with an intense look, his paw clenching around the flowers.

She blinked, taken aback, but nodded. “I promise.”

He nodded. “Okay. Good.” She didn’t understand yet, but she would. Especially if she was serious about this. And, gods, he hoped she was. He couldn’t afford to take this lightly.

Finn led her over to the door, heading in and signing the both of them in before heading into the building.

The inside was painted nude colors, soft tans and light browns and creams. It was all wood flooring, with a giant 125 gallon fish tank on one wall when you first entered. To the right was a large room surrounded by windows, with couches and a piano in it. Finn led the bunny down a hall, passing many mammals in wheelchairs pushed by nurses. All of the animals were either elderly or clearly unable to care for themselves for various reasons.

As they passed by the cafeteria, Finn spotted a pig nurse and smiled, waving at her. “Hey, Martha.”

The sow blinked, then grinned, trotting over to them. Her brown eyes were happy, the smile on her snout warm. “Mr. Leary! Always good to see you.”

He chuckled, rolling his eyes with a smile. “Martha, how many times are we gonna do this? Just call me Finn.”

“Every time, Mr. Leary.” Martha giggled then looked at Judy, tilting her head curiously. “And who’s this?”

Judy stepped out, reaching out a paw to the nurse with a grin. “Judy Hopps, ma’am. Nice to meet you.”



The pig gasped and took the bunny’s paw in both hooves, clearly star-struck. “Officer Hopps! It is such an honor to have you here!” She let go, looking at Finnick again. “I didn’t know you had such famous friends!”

“Just the one, Martha.” Finn glanced into the cafeteria before looking back at the pig, lowering his voice. “How is she today?”

“No changes,” Martha told him, her eyes sympathetic.

“Hm.”

“It’s better than getting worse, though!” The pig beamed at him, making happy gestures with her hooves. “We took her outside today so she could get some fresh air, though we didn’t keep her out too long since, well, ya know.”

“The struggles of being born an arctic mammal.” Finn jerked his thumb down the hall. “She in her room?”

“Mm hm. Do you want me to go with you?”

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks, Martha.”

“Of course.” The sow nodded at the both of them. “A pleasure to meet you, Miss Hopps.”

“Nice to meet you!” Judy called back as she hurried to keep up with Finn, who had started down the hallway without her. When she caught up, she smiled at him. “She seems nice.”

“She’s very nice. Probably too much for her own good.” Finn led the bunny down the hall, his grip on the flowers tightening and a lump forming in his throat. He hadn’t been here in a while. Martha said there had been no changes, but he wouldn’t be satisfied until he saw her for himself.

The door was open when they got to the room. It was the same color as the rest of the care center, though the bottom half of the walls were covered in flowery wallpaper. A bed was pushed up against one wall, a lever on the bottom to easily move it up and down. Attached on the opposite wall was a television, currently playing a soap opera that no one was paying attention to. On the same wall was a dresser with drawers, and a window with open curtains was on the last wall.

And, sat in front of the TV in a wheelchair, was a tiny arctic fox vixen. She would have been no more than a head taller than Finn if she stood. It was clear she was beautiful once, with her soft snowy white fur and delicate features. Her footpaws were missing their claws, her toes still showing signs of misuse from years of dancing. Her eyes were a beautiful sapphire blue, looking as if they were once full of life, though now they were dull, unfocused, seeming to be looking through them.

Finn took in a deep breath before stepping in, plastering a smile on his muzzle. “Hey, Bells. Sorry it’s been so long, there’s been a lot going on.”

There was no response. She didn’t move, didn’t even blink.

Ah. Still no changes. Got it.

He looked over at Judy, gesturing for her to come in. The bunny looked apprehensive, but she carefully stepped in, padding over to him and standing awkwardly at his side. He took her paw in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I guess introductions are in order. Bells, this is Judy Hopps, Zootopia’s first rabbit police officer.” He let go of Judy’s paw and gestured at the vixen. “Judy, this is Bella White. My ex.”

The bunny looked between the two of them, her ears falling down her back. “Ah...it’s n-nice to meet you.” She nibbled on her bottom lip, one paw rubbing her arm, her nose twitching furiously. For the first time in a long time, she seemed lost, helpless.

His first instinct was to go over and reassure her, but she had been the one who had asked to come with her. This had been her choice. And, truthfully, there really wasn’t anything he could say or do to make this better. It was a melancholy situation, a bitter reminder of how they could end up.

This was real life, and it sucked.

Finnick sighed, reaching over to stroke Bella’s tiny ears. The vixen had no reaction to being touched, still just staring blankly at nothing. He sighed, his smile grim as he looked down at her. “Well, I guess we should fill you in on everything you’ve missed, huh?”

They only stayed for about three hours, which was how long it took Finn to update Bella on everything that happened over the past eight months. There was no change in her expression or gaze as he spoke, but he liked to think that she was listening. At some point Judy had taken a seat on a stool Martha had brought in. The whole time the bunny kept quiet, only piping up to correct Finn if he missed a particular detail. It was so odd to see her so subdued.

By the time they left the home the sun was setting. The deep purples and oranges lit the parking lot as they made their way back to his van. They got in and Finn glanced over at Judy, eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Hey, you good?”

She blinked and looked over at him, her violet eyes holding a look that he couldn’t quite identify. It worried him. Usually she was so easy to read, but now…

Judy nodded and looked out the window, resting her chin on her paw. “Yeah. I’m good.”

He doubted that, but he didn’t have any fight left in him. Instead, he started up the van and headed back into the city, to the apartment. It was another silent ride back, and as worried as he was, he knew that he couldn’t be the one to break it. This wasn’t on him anymore. She’d gotten her answers.

When they got back to the apartment Judy went to take a shower, which left Finnick alone on the couch with his thoughts. He sighed, rubbing his paws over his face and leaning his side into the cushions, lost in a myriad of thoughts that he couldn’t even begin to try to explain.

Ten minutes later the bunny was out of the shower, dressed in a tank top and shorts. She made her way over and sat down on the other end of the couch, her paws stroking one of her ears that she had pulled over her shoulder. She glanced at him out of the corners of her eyes, the look in them hesitant, scared almost. “Hey...Finn?”

He sat up and looked at her, brows raised. “Hm?”

She opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. Her eyes looked back and forth, her paws petting her ear almost frantically. “What…” She looked over at him and swallowed hard before trying again. “What...what’s wrong with her?”

There it was. Finn sighed and flopped back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling. This had been such a long time coming. He had told Marian about it a couple of months ago, but she was basically his mom. It was impossible to keep stuff from her. But Judy…

Gods, what would she think of him?

Finnick closed his eyes, the doctors words from so long ago coming back to him.

“We were able to get her back, but...she’s not responding to anything. We’ve tried her reflexes, sound reactions, everything. She’s just not here anymore. She’s completely shut down. I’m so sorry, Mr. Leary…”

Tears were falling down his face and Finn wiped them away fiercely. God damn, would he ever stop crying over this?? It had been three years...why did it still get to him?

“She’s comatose. She had too much happen to her at one time and she checked out.” He let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he was holding. Fuck, it was still so hard…



“What happened?” Judy carefully set her paw on top of his, giving him time to pull away if he wanted to.



But he didn’t. He was so tired of holding all of this inside of him, so tired of being alone in all of his pain. All of his fear that any and everyone would leave him if they knew the truth about him, about what he had done...it was just too much.

He broke.



A strangled sound left him, and he threw an arm over his eyes to hide the tears that were coming down his face, though he turned his paw over to cling to hers. It was all so much, too much, gods, it hurt so badly. Why had this happened, why couldn’t they have just made it work? He had loved her...so much…

“It’s my fault,” he choked out, tightening his grip on her paw. “I yelled at her and broke up with her, and she was already having such a hard time, and she went out and her pimp must have convinced her to get high and then she was gone!” Fuck, he was sobbing now and it hurt so much, but it also felt good. He had been holding all of this in for three years and, shit, it felt so good to get out. “I came home and she was collapsed on the floor, and I tried to save her, I swear I did, but it wasn’t enough. She was gone. I couldn’t get her back, and she was gone. Gods, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Bells, I’m so sorry!” He let go of her paw to cover his eyes with his fists, sobs wracking his tiny body. “Bells, Bella, I’m so sorry…!”

Judy didn’t say anything, just scooted over and took him into her arms. He wrapped his arms around her waist, sobbing into her shoulder. The bunny didn’t speak, just held him tight, rubbing her cheek gently against the side of his head. She was so soft and warm and she smelled so nice, and it was more than he ever could have asked for. Her silence was comforting now, a warm blanket that let him know that she was going to be here for him, she wasn’t going anywhere.

And, for the first time in a long time, he believed it.

“She was a prostitute,” Finn told Judy after he was able to get control of himself. They were on the couch, her arm around him, his head rested on her shoulder. He hadn’t felt this close to another animal in such a long time. “But she didn’t want to be,” he continued, closing his eyes and relaxing into her as he felt her paw stroke his ears. “She wanted to get away from it all, but she didn’t feel like she could. Her pimp had her tangled so deep in his web, and she couldn’t see a way out.”



“Al Cabone,” Judy nodded, leaning her head against his. “I looked her up in the system and her file brought up his.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “He was a monster. He thought of himself as this suave mob boss, but he was nothing more than a low-brow pimp. Girls and drugs were the only things he had going for him, which is why Big refused to associate with him. But Cabone tried to worm his way by having Bella seduce me. But...I fell for her. Hard.”

“Did she feel the same way?”

He shook his head. “No. She did love me, but she was never in love with me, ya know?”

“Mm hm,” she nodded.

“Anyways, we were together for about...two years, I think? Two-and-a-half? It always seemed longer. I wanted to get her out, but...she pushed me away. Then shit just got worse and worse. Her mom died, then she found out that she was infertile. She started retreating further and further into herself, shoving me away and refusing to let me back in. I didn’t know what to do. I tried everything to get her to trust me, but in the end…” He paused, swallowing hard.

“It just wasn’t enough for her.”

Judy pulled away just enough so that she could look into his eyes. “What happened?”



Finnick closed his eyes and sighed, thinking back to that night…

Sick. He felt so sick. He stumbled away from the room, down the hall, his vision swimming and his head whirling. He could hear Bella sobbing in the room, heard Nick scrambling to catch up to him.



“Finn, please, listen--”

Finn turned around sharply, snarling at the red fox standing before him. “There’s nothing you can say that will help!”



“Listen, it was a mistake, we were drunk--”



“So that makes it okay for you to fuck my girlfriend?!” Finn screamed at him, reaching for his bat and swinging at his friend. No, former friend. “Get the fuck out of my face! I don’t ever want to see you again! You fucking hear me?!”

“Finn.”

His eyes flew to look at Bella, standing in the doorway of the motel room, tears streaming down her face from her beautiful blue eyes. She took a tentative step towards him, walking on her tip toes as always. “Please, it wasn’t all his fault--”

“You bitch.” Finn growled at her, the fur on the back of his neck standing up. “I did everything for you. And this is how you repay me?!”

She started sobbing, gripping the sheet that she had wrapped around herself. “Please--”



“No! Fuck both of you!” he snarled, his grip on his bat tightening. “How could you have done this to me?” Tears were falling down his face, but he didn’t bother even trying to wipe them away now. “I never want to see either of you ever again! You hear me? You get your shit out of my house and get the fuck out !”

He ignored the hurt looks on both of their faces, turning around and stomping over to his van, getting in and driving away so fast that the tires screeched on the pavement.

He sat up and rubbed his paws over his face, letting out a shaky sigh. “That morning when I came home, I found Bella on my bedroom floor, out cold. Her heart wasn’t beating. I thought she was dead.”

“But you revived her. You helped her.” Judy rubbed his arm. “You saved her.”



Finn shrugged weakly. “Maybe she didn’t want to be saved. Maybe in the end, I only made things worse for her.” He leaned back into the couch, groaning. Fuck, his back hurt. He was getting too old for this shit. “That’s why I pay for her to stay in that home. It’s the least that I can do for her.”

Suddenly her paw was gripping his chin and turning his head, forcing him to look at her. The intensity in her eyes took his breath away, but it also scared the shit out of him. “Listen to me. You don’t owe her anything. Alright? What happened was her choice, she did that to herself.”

“Because I pushed her--”

“She chose to do that. She probably knew exactly what she was doing. I know you love her, but c’mon, Finn!” She put her paws on his shoulders, giving him a light shake. “You shouldn’t have to put your life on pause just because she decided to be selfish!”



His heart dropped to his stomach and he flinched away from her, his eyes wide. “Flopsy--”

“Frith, no, I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” She groaned, rubbing her face before looking at him apologetically. “That was the wrong thing to say, I’m sorry. Just…” Her paws clenched and unclenched, her eyes searching his. “You don’t owe her your life. A life for a life is such a shitty way to live, and you shouldn’t have to. I know you’re still going to pay for the home,” she huffed, displeased, crossing her arms over her chest. “So I’m not going to tell you to stop doing that. Just…” She bit her lip, gaze soft. “Don’t let this keep holding you back. Please.”

Fucking hell, how did she alway seem to know just what to say? She was so much younger than him, yet at times she seemed to be so much wiser. It was fucking incredible, and kind of humbling.



But...she was right.



He nodded, slowly, reaching out to take her paw in his. “Okay. Okay. I’ll try.” His eyes looked into hers. “But promise you’ll help me?”

She immediately took his paw in hers, linking their fingers together. The smile she gave him was so infectious, and he couldn’t help but return it. “I promise.”

He knew she meant it.