C h r i s t m a s 2 0 0 3 Started the year off like I always do, ya know, visiting my mom in virginia. She owns a nice family plot of land out there, a few acres, in the hills of Wise County. Its amazing country, and we own part of a hill and some flat space in it. Oh, and a nice creek runs through it just a few feet from the house. Of course, we dont use the land for anything, and that creek pretty much seperates the line of civilization/forest.



That's the creek I mentioned. Notice that yard, full of stuff. A table no one's used in 2 years, an exersize bike that... I dont know the story behind that bike but I bet its a frightening one. My mother has certainly never used it, so its possible that the creek washed it there during one of the many floods. I just dont know.





That's the HUGE tree that is about 10 feet from our front door. It has these weird 'berries' that are kinda bristly and are made of a fluff. No nuts at all either there is no purpose to these little berries other than to dirty up the yard and piss us off. The part of the tree you're looking at is the top part, and that's about a good 40 feet up. One of these days its going to fall... it leans towards the house....



Speaking of the house...





Yup. That's it. First off, let me just say that the toilet on the front porch is NOT Functional, but that would certainly be awesome if it were. Hell I'd move back home if I could take a big dump on the front porch, as people drive by or walk by on the road above. "TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU MR JOHNSON" and I'd go back to reading the paper. Man, that seriously would double the value of that land.



In all fairness, she'd just had some remodling done and that big black bathtub in the yard is only temporary. Like the exersize bike. I know this house looks unusual to you, maybe a little dirty, but compared to the other houses on that street we're the housing code authority.







WOOO! Its christmas allright :) That's me and my mom, standing in front of the christmas tree. Lets play a little game. FIND THE CHRISTMAS TREE.

(HINT, NEITHER OF US ATE IT)

That's my mom and her little pet dog. Its about 6 years old, it has seizures, some brain problem (i dont care enough to listen to the details) and she has to force feed it pills to keep it alive. Its kidn of sad, but she loves the dog and that's fine by me. I've never seen one of the seizures but I bet they're hilarious. Also, that dog pees more liquid than I've ever seen it take in. I think its a pee factory.





That's me and the backside of our other dog. He's great, I really like him. One of the smartest dogs I've ever met. He really actually knows his name, can pick it up in idle conversation. When he wants to be loved on he'll bite your hand gently and place it on his back/head so you have to love on him. Its pretty cute.



Overall, I think we really lucked into him because all of the other dogs we ever had were dumber than rocksalt. :/



BONUS: For you bestiality freaks, I got a real nice shot of its asshole, and chose not to crop it out of the previous picture>





Hey! There is the christmas tree! With all of our opeend preents undernearh. I got some nice stuff, and so did my mom. Notice the fact that this tree is... well insane. First off its white which makes sense but the CORDS FOR THE LIGHTS ARE GREEN. THEY DONT BLEND IN. Plus there are ribbons on it which is ... i... i just dont know. The star on top though is the real kicker. Its not straight. You cant make it straight. 29.95 at walmart.



last year, mom put apple ornaments on it. Just, little apples hanging off of it... however, she put everything into a large bag and put it in the basement... which flooded. The apples paint flooded on the tree and turned it pink.... so she had to BLEACH IT. Guess where? That's right, the big fucking tub in the front yard. THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.





That's my mom surfing porn! or something. No seriously that's her on the computer I bought her for christmas. Actually i refubrished one of my old ones that was here in the houes but shhhh :P she doesnt know! Anyways, its a p2 400mghz... so she's lightning fast. Too bad she's using a dial up ISP she can only connect at 36.6 with (even on that fancy top of the line 48.8 modem I gave her!)



My mom likes to download spyware, because she thinks the apps that come free with it are 'neat'.



Also when I told her about the google toolbar and how it keeps extra windows from opening, she just about shit herself.







Another photo of my mom's dog. You should notice something here. He is, very well endowed... he was a breeder. Apparantly 1) he had trouble getting the girls pregnant cause his cock is massive

2) its always partialy erect

3) he has seizures now. No one wants seizure puppies (except me)



So anyways, if you ever touch this dog you pretty much have to touch its penis. My mom touches this dog a LOT. It makes me sick but if that's what she's into....



BONUS: For you bestiality freaks, that's 2 freebies. Feel free to send cash via paypal.





MOM ALSO HAS DUCKS!



Ducks are cool :)



Now, i got to feed them bread and um, corn, while i was at home and that's pretty cool. Plus, when they started to walk away i threw bread at them and they'd just gobble it up!!! until I pelted one of them in the back of the head :(



These ducks are always fucking, its pretty insane too. I just totally dont get it, but I guess duck sex is just awesome cause they put rabbits to shame. Plus, whenever the male duck is doing his business, he bites the female on the back of the kneck. There is a tender spot there where the feathers are coming out because of how much biting and screwing that's going on.



BONUS: Beastiality freaks - Duck sex is wrong. Dont even start.







There is my mom, doing what she basically did the whole time i was at home... cooked. she's a 'feeder'. She likes to make food for people. She's pretty good at it too but she's not the cleantest cook. last year I found part of a spatula in the salad she made :( said it came off in the blender.



Note, that on the oven, there is a pot called 'GREASE'. Its apparantly a southern thing to save your grease and reuse it to add flavor to what you use it for. Some people hide it, some people refrigerate it, my mom displays it proudly. Its pretty cool. How southern are you when you can pronounce your grease jar.







The doggie is enjoying CHRISTMAS :)



damn I love that dog, seriously. You gotta give credit to anyone who scopes out the presents. We didnt get him anything but he got to eat lots of leftovers!

