ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The curators of the nation’s most overrated sporting venue have applied a low-yield nuclear strike against their own pitch this morning in an effort to make sure nobody is seriously hurt on Boxing Day.

While some in the industry would consider doing that quite an extreme measure, after play was abandoned during a Sheild game between Victoria and The West last due to the pitch being too dangerous, nothing is too extreme for the curators, they say.

It’s not uncommon for curators to light a pitch on fire in an effort to flatten things out. It’s also not out of the blue for a curator to hose one down with a firehose to make sure some cracks open up.

However, this is the first time in recorded history that a thermonuclear device has been used to deaden a pitch.

None of the MCG curators was available for comment at the time of print but needless to say the nation wishes them the best of luck.

More to come.

