There is a certain poetry to the way junk e-mail subject lines are written, so today I decided to scan my Spam folder for subjects containing five or seven syllables. The following haikus were created from those lines, which I neither edited nor rearranged. The lines were placed into the haikus in the exact order I found them*, and the resulting bits of profundity have made me think that perhaps there is some sort of sacred geometry behind all of this spam.

Spamku #1:

Jumpstart your love-life

The ultimate New Year gift

Replica watches

Spamku #2:

Can't find you, darling

Lets meet as usually

Time is Running out

Spamku #3:

We need you here, now!

I'm in trouble, where are you?

Let me share with you

Spamku #4:

We need your presence

Selection of honorees

Women like big ones

Spamku #5:

Your account was blocked!

Performance Package for Men

Your account was blocked!

Spamku #6:

Cash in with Google

Is debt written on your face?

real hero in bed!

Spamku #7:

Unbelievable!

Replica watches, bags, pens

U can be healthy!

Make some Spamku of your own in the comments, por favor. Or a Spamrick (Spams that rhyme in an AABA pattern). Or ISpambic Pentameter. Or a Spamquain. Or a SPonnet. Be creative. That's what I pay* you for.

*Or I guess I should say, to clarify, that the fives and sevens are in the exact respective orders I found in them in. Like, sometimes when I needed a five to finish a poem, the next qualifying line was a seven, so I would take that seven as a placeholder for the next haiku and keep looking for a five to finish the previous one, if that makes sense.

**Restrictions apply. To everyone.