Poor Republicans. They're apparently feeling really bad about all the unchill things liberals say about them online. They're hurt, and they want you to know that they are people, too. The Republican party recently launched a rather horrendous campaign to convince people that Republicans are actual human beings. No, seriously. This video is up there with "I'm not a Witch, I'm you," and has only lead to more mockery of Republicans. How unfortunate.

One of the main reasons the video is being savaged is because the people in the commercial are from a stock photo agency. Yes, when telling people that Republicans are people they didn't bother to actually hire real people. Brilliant.

If Republicans are going to salvage their campaign and keep the mean socialists from calling them names, they need to rebrand immediately. There's only one Republican figure who is so beloved, even by liberal bullies, that he could turn this ship around: Patrick Bateman.

Sure, he's a classist, racist, misogynist, homophobe responsible for the deaths of countless people, but that never stopped anyone from loving Ronald Reagan! Frankly, Republicans probably need all the help they can get, even from a character Bret Easton Ellis created to critique of the high-point of modern Republicanism.

Here are 8 things we can learn from Bateman that can help us understand our friends in the GOP: