EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT

Waterfront property homeowner Tom Bradley had been penning a poorly structured Facebook status about millennial snowflakes when he was momentarily distracted by the soothing sounds of breaking waves.

Tired and unable to concentrate, Tom had slammed his Macbook Pro closed before heading over to the window to scream at the offending noise.

In what might have been its most insolent act yet, Tom says the ocean continued to bellow and that he was forced to blast some Creed Clearwater Survival to drown it out.

“It’s bloody ridiculous. I spend a quarter of my income buying a beachside property only to hear this shit all night?”

Tom says he was so angered by the sounds that he and his wife, Sue, ended up packing their things and taking up shelter in their second investment property.

Tom reports that the need to drive so early in the morning also added to the traumatic experience.

“It’s not pleasant having to pack the bare essentials in order to survive,” says Tom, as he pulls a box of scented candles out of his Range Rover.

“Makes you feel like a criminal.”

After giving Sue some much needed Valium, Tom had assured his wife that he would sort things out in the morning.

It was reported that the young person behind the reception desk had laughed at Tom’s request, before being subsequently fired by upper management.

The case was then handled by the town’s environmental officer who took the complaint very seriously.

“The ocean has been warned,” says Tom.

“It’s been issued a formal notice so if it acts up again it’s in a lot of trouble.”

“I refuse to be inconvenienced and it’d be unAustralian of me to give a shit that it was here first.”

Reports suggest the ocean did not comply with the rules and that authorities were unable to intervene.

Not one to back down, Tom has resorted to throwing his wife’s Coles Mini’s into the ocean as retaliation. More to come.