Unless you were considered part of the popular crowd, your adolescent years were probably painfully awkward, like mine. Fortunately, most of us grow up to naturally develop the social skills required to survive the cold, outside world. If you would like to better understand what social skills are, read on to learn more.

What are social skills?

Social skills are necessary for surviving in society. They are a set of skills that allow us to interact effectively and positively with the people around us: both the one’s we know and the ones we don’t. Social expectations can vary greatly from one culture to another however, there are some basic “people skills” that are applied everywhere. When we refuse to follow intended guidelines, rules or laws that every one “in the group” is expected to abide by we are deviating towards the anti-social side of the spectrum. It does sound oppressing but the truth is that it keeps everything under control, if these rules weren’t followed by everyone who knows how much worse the human condition would be. Most social skills come down to communication based skills. Essentially social skills and communication skills go hand in hand.

Here is a list of desirable social skills:

Public etiquette: Behaving in a way that is appropriate and considered “normal” according to the type of society you live in. When you’re in public you are generally expected to lay-low. No one wants to interact with the woman shouting obscenities on the tube or with the guy openly picking his nose.

Courtesy: Be courteous to those around you. While in some countries this means saying please and thank you, in others it’s a bow. Figure out what is considered correct in your culture and go from there. Something as simple as a smile from a stranger can literally change your day.

Compassion: Being able to understand that others have feelings and reasoning abilities too. If you throw a fit every time your friend uses a headache as an “excuse” not to hang out, they probably won’t be your friend for much longer. You should understand your friend’s headaches may be a real issue and instead of attacking them, if it annoys you, address it calmly. You should always be looking for where people are coming from: in their words, their behaviours or body language. With this understanding, compassion comes naturally.

Filter your thoughts: While I encourage being yourself entirely and am a firm believer in “telling it like it is”, this attitude can be perceived as rude and too direct. You should be able to analyse each social situation you are in and be able to identify what tone, choice of words and thoughts would be most desirable. Always be yourself, but sometimes you may want to adjust the volume.

Know when it’s time to stop: Even the funniest guy in the room knows when to stop. We’ve all experienced that awkward pause after taking a topic one step too far. Maybe you spilled a secret, or took a joke to a level the crowd wasn’t ready for; avoid this situation by not forcing social interactions. If you are doing anything for MORE attention, it’s time to stop.

Conflict resolution: If you’ve argued with someone you should be able to identify the best possible angle to approach the conflict from. Some people need some space others need someone to be clear with them, others yet, may need to be coddled before they’re willing to resolve. Try to approach conflict from a place of reason rather than an emotional one.

Don’t be a Debby downer or a negative Nancy: If you don’t feel like going out and you really need to be coerced into doing it just don’t go. You and your friends will all have a better time. Generally, do your best to see the positive in situations. Unless you’ve found some company for your misery, most people prefer to be around a positively energized person.

I hope this guide has given you some insight into the world of social skills and how one can improve them. Improving you social skills can prove to be very rewarding as your interactions with society will become more positive.