Anon ask #1: In your opinion, what makes Korrasami a healthier ship in general than Makorra/Masami? I have no hate for Mako but it was pretty clear that his relationships with Korra and Asami were unhealthy. What do you think sets Korrasami apart from that to make it a healthier relationship? Anon ask #2: I saw a post somewhere saying that Korra and Asami doesn’t work because Korra let Asami to yell at her and she didn’t do anything and saying it wasn’t Korra. Saying that they don’t have conflict like mako and Korra (even katara and Aang argue) did where after they argue they get over it and saying Asami takes grudges and stuff and I’m like what. Do they know that Korra need one thing that doesn’t bring conflict to her life like being an avatar is? And that’s Asami who supportive all the way.

These two are very much related, because the “issue” raised with Korrasami in ask#2 gets at why it is that they work so well. I can’t believe anyone would view that argument as a bad sign for a relationship.

Before I jump into this, I will say I’m hardly the arbiter of what makes a happy, healthy relationship. But what I can do is look at characterization and hopefully explain how certain dynamics play into the emotional needs of the individuals.

First off, I don’t want to be too harsh on Mako. I’ve got to assume his relationship with Asami was his first serious one, and as she pointed out later, Mako isn’t the most “in touch with his feelings guy.” I don’t view his relationship with Asami as “unhealthy,” but more just hurtful to her in the way it unfolded. He should have been upfront about kissing Korra, that much seems clear. And then Mako showed a complete disregard for Asami’s feelings with his obsessing about Korra. Yes, the kid apparently was confused by his own emotions and just realized what Korra meant to him. But he should have at least had the decency to pull the plug on Masami, rather than avoiding the issue and then creating a situation that forced Asami to do it.

Side-note, I’ve been in both Mako and Asami’s shoes before (though I technically did the dumping in both situations). How that relationship unfolded was shockingly realistic, and there’s no reason to be hard on either party. It wasn’t unhealthy, but not completely mature in how it was handled…not surprising given the ages at play and the fact that this may have been a first serious relationship.

I guess I have to mention Masami 2.0. Asami was at her lowest point and lost her self-respect for 4 seconds. And then Mako handled the entire thing like a coward once Korra got back. That’s all there is to it. It was both a distraction and a mistake for them, and ultimately resulted in Asami getting hurt (again).

I wouldn’t describe Makorra as “unhealthy,” just more “unstable.” Like, there was no case of emotional abuse, just a complete mismatch in terms of emotional needs. I suppose a chaotic dynamic isn’t healthy in the long-run, but that’s why I’d call it “unsustainable.” There really is no possibility for a long-run.

Sometimes having fights with a partner can stir a kind of spark, which often results in very pleasurable conflict resolution. However, continual fighting is not a tenable dynamic, and the lack of fighting is not indicative of a lack of a spark.

With Makorra specifically, we see them fighting more than not. Korra is not always the greatest at expressing her emotions, and Mako is certainly not the person who can wade through them to reach an understanding. Their fights seemed to be the same thing over and over again: Korra feeling unsupported or that Mako was taking “sides.” Yes, he was between a rock and a hard place with his work for some of it. But even so his girlfriend’s home was being attacked, and it was pretty obvious that the Unalaq was the aggressor (he brought troops and bribed a judge to sentence Tonraq). And I don’t think Mako absolutely had to go behind Korra’s back and tell Raiko about the United Forces allying with Korra, but I guess I get it, especially given that his job mattered so much to him for both his sense of self-worth, as well as financial security (something he had always lacked). I digress. In general Makorra was always a power struggle: just complete incompatibility.

Remember that fight where Korra asked for advice and Mako was just like “whatever you think is best! ^^” And then Korra got pissed off for him being useless (and yes, that was because before Korra yelled at him for sticking up for Tenzin in a previous fight)? Contrast that to Asami telling Korra in 3x01 “we’ll figure something out.” Operative word being “we” there. Asami always makes a point of placing herself on Korra’s side and going through any turmoil with her, rather than just spitting out rather useless “advice” or trying to immediately problem solve. Or pointedly choosing the side that Korra opposed, which I’m sorry, is what happened.

Another sidenote: my sister is getting a PhD in marriage and family therapy, and she told me that the way men typically approach a relationship is that they feel like they’re in a minefield, and just try to avoid setting off another explosion. Women, OTOH, tend to act as if there’s a creaky and unstable bridge over the chasm, and to cross it with their partner, they know they just both need to move forward together or else the bridge is going to snap and they’ll die. Take this with a salt lick, but I think sometimes that imagery is useful when contrasting how Mako and Asami comfort Korra.

In addition to providing little emotional support, Mako’s a little bit uh, selfish with what he explicates. He barfs his emotions onto Korra when she’s in a VERY dark place at the end of S1, but because Aang heals her, she gets over it (and he gets rewarded for that behavior). He also talks about how being the Avatar’s boyfriend is harder than being the Avatar. Is he looked up to as the spiritual leader of the world? Someone needs to remind me. Even as a joke it spins the conversation to make it about him, rather than acknowledging the meaning of Korra’s position.

Contrasting that to Asami, we see exactly how she handles it when Korra’s in a very low emotional point: providing open support and asking for nothing in return. Being hyper-aware of Korra’s emotions and reacting as she sees fit. Offering to drop her work (in direct contrast to Mako) to be with Korra. I’ve maintained that Asami realized she was in love with Korra following Korra’s fight with Zaheer. But even if that’s not convincing, whatever Asami was feeling in the S3 finale, it’s clear from the hand-grasp that it wasn’t strictly friendship. And yet she never told her, because Korra’s needs came first for her. And Asami would never once think about how “being the Avatar’s girlfriend is harder.” Because for her, the Avatar’s emotional well-being is of the utmost importance, and she sees just how much Korra struggles with everything.

The good news is that Korrasami is not just one-sided, where Asami’s always the caretaker. In the Season 4 finale, we saw Korra offering emotional support to her girlfriend, comforting her, and also immediately putting what Asami needed into action with the vacation. There’s a balance between the two. They listen to each other and respond based on the other’s needs, and there’s open communication and trust which allows this.

Alright, time to address the Korrasami fight. The idea that this is somehow indicative of an unhealthy relationship is ridiculous. First of all, Asami does not hold grudges. I’ve talked at length about this, but she had very a real and understandable reason for feeling slightly bitter about Korra’s disappearance in the 6 months immediately prior to The Reunion. And what’s more is that people seem to ignore the full sentence: “you don’t get to disappear for 3 years and act like you know what’s best for me.” What was grating to Asami wasn’t just that Korra had vanished (and in the last few months, made a very deliberate effort to hide, going as far as to write Tonraq letters pretending she was in Republic City), but it was that Korra was assuming her very deliberate disappearance wouldn’t change anything. This is a legitimate reason to be a bit upset, which is also compounded by Asami’s own doubts about Hiroshi and if she’s making the right decision.

Does that mean she “should have” snapped at Korra? I mean, of course there’s more productive ways to express her hurt by Korra’s disappearance and her conflicting emotions about Hiroshi. But I think that visceral reaction to what Korra said (which was slightly insensitive) is understandable.

So yeah, Asami snaps, then moves on, never brings it up again, and seems happy as a clam working in perfect synchronization with Korra the rest of the day and then bringing her tea soon after. Which is definitely in keeping with her personality. Hell, if anything Asami lets things go too easily and internalizes blame, which is why she was the one who apologized to Korra in 3x01 for Masami 2.0. Truthfully, she could still be pissed at Mako for that whole thing and I wouldn’t blame her.

Then there’s this idea that somehow the Korrasami dynamic is bad for Korra because she doesn’t yell back/stand-up for herself? The fact is, in that situation, Korra realized that Asami was hurt. She actually did defend herself, saying she didn’t mean to be gone that long. But I think there was a part of Korra that felt guilty for the effect her absence had on Asami (we know Korra already felt guilty for her absence in general so it’s hardly a stretch), which is why she apologized for it in the finale. The result? Asami insisted there was nothing to apologize for in the first place. The whole thing was just about feeling rejected/abandoned (a reasonably sore subject), and as Asami asserted, “I’m just glad you’re here now.” Honestly, this “fight” and how it was handled is almost textbook for healthy communication and positive support (IMO 2 sentences hardly qualifies as a fight).



It also just shows how they have an adult relationship. Asami snapping was about what was upsetting her beneath the surface, and Korra recognized that. But instead of devolving into a shouting match, Korra immediately explained herself, while Asami was content to move on from it. We also got this moment from them:

Maybe it was concern over Wu and Mako, but it also looked like a mute appeal here, an unspoken apology. Asami doesn’t really have any reason to say “sorry,” though probably thinks she does. Korra definitely feels like she should apologize (hence why she does so later), though Asami doesn’t think Korra needs to. So yeah, that look has a lot to it, IMO. They’re both just super upset there was any unpleasantness, even if only for a moment.

So yeah, Asami snapping at Korra was jarring to witness, though overall it was a sign of a healthy relationship. They don’t keep what’s bothering them inside (we’ve actually never seen Korra upset with Asami, but given the number of times we’ve seen Asami ask Korra “what’s wrong” or if she’s okay, I don’t see Korra holding anything like that in), so they’re able to communicate when there’s an issue. Further, that communication is not acrimonious; it’s taken seriously and dealt with in consideration for the other’s emotional needs. It’s not a shouting match, and that’s something I never see happening between those two.

What else sets Korrasami apart that makes them such a strong ship? It’s the balance. I’ve talked about that in a few different places, but the two have very different skill sets that they bring to the table. Asami is very grounded and pragmatic, and can think quickly on her feet. This helps counter-balance Korra’s “shoot first aim second” philosophy, which we saw in a situation like the airship that Korra accidentally crashed. Asami’s social prowess also overcompensates for Korra’s derpyness. At the same time, Korra is the one balancing very delicate political situations and the spiritual leader of the world, so she needs to be both proactive and decisive. At times, this means she doesn’t always think things through, though is much more careful in Book 4. Korra’s mode of operation isn’t a bad thing, but it can sometimes land her in sticky situations, and Asami’s adaptability allows her to “unstick” them. Korra possesses the ability to pull Asami out of her own head…we see Asami being able to act like a normal person around her and lighten up, something that is much needed for her (and rarely seen on-screen). And we’ve seen Asami become more assertive as the show’s gone on (note her interactions with Varrick in S2 vs. S4), which could very likely be due to Korra’s influence.

They also have amazing respect for each other’s skills and “work” (for lack of a better word for Korra). Asami does everything she can to integrate her technology into the natural world, and Korra is quick to embrace this technology and defend Asami’s utility. Asami’s remark about “I’ve always wanted to see what the Spirit World’s like” really goes to show just how drawn she is to the spiritual stuff, which as a nonbender technological innovator raised by a guy who was prejudiced against all benders is marked. So I guess we can call this “interest in each other’s hobbies”?

But above all, there’s the open communication. Their “fight” showed us that things don’t get buried or swallowed, which is a positive. And at the same time Asami is able to wade through Korra’s emotional turmoil with her and get her to open up and explain what’s wrong, something Korra struggles with. Asami doesn’t attempt to problem solve for Korra either; she listens and offers her support, while always countering Korra’s self-deprecating remarks.

For her own part, Asami doesn’t have any issue putting her emotions into words, but Korra makes it clear to her that she’s there for unconditional support when anything’s wrong. They’re both very tuned into each other’s frequencies (hence their non-verbal synchronization in fights) and overall are very concerned about the other. So yeah, it’s a healthy relationship.