This is a compilation from #bitchesgetshitdone, the smartest and funniest women I know.

Abortion: a distraction from real issues.

“Any woman but her”: 1. a phrase to be used to indicate that a hypothetical female candidate who stands no chance at the presidency is better than the woman actually running. 2. automatic proof the user is not sexist. Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, etc.

Bill Clinton’s crime bill: example of Hillary Clinton’s racism. (Irony lost: that Hillary Clinton had nothing to do with it and Bernie Sanders actually voted for it).

Black lives matter:…so much I moved to Vermont.

Campaign contributions: only ethical if in the exact amount of $27.

Caucuses: one of literally only two valid forms of voting in a democracy (see also: rally attendance).

Civil rights legislation: accomplished with one march and arrest by a white guy

Congressional Black Caucus: A subset of neo-liberal $hills who use identity politics to deflect criticism while serving their corporate masters.

Cory Booker: neo-liberal $hill. Should take a lesson in civil rights era from Bernie; owned by Big Pharma (see also: John Lewis)

Democratic primaries: a race that when an actual democrat wins it, proves it to be rigged.

Distraction: any issue that explicitly concerns the lives or livelihoods of women, POC, LGBTQ, or other marginalized groups.

Enlightenment: what a person achieves when he/she realizes that the suffering caused by college debt and a mortgage crises is actually worse than the suffering created by state-sanctioned ethnic cleansing, jailing and murders based on political, gender, or sexual identity, families being forcibly separated, and women dying en masse from preventable causes

Establishment: anyone who actually has any experience accomplishing anything in government. This is inherently bad (obviously).

Feminism: the belief that women should always act EXACTLY the way a group of privileged white men think they should act and NEVER EVER deviate from those proscribed actions.

GOTV: a new streaming video platform?

Gun control: a distraction from real issues.

Identity politics: 1. distractions from real issues purposefully created by people of color, women, LGBTQ, immigrants, and other minorities designed to take away from the real issues facing real people. 2. something that does not apply to straight, white men. (Formerly known as: civil rights) 3. a particularly useful term to be thrown at any woman, PoC, LGBTQ etc, when they rightly raise the issue(s) of equality & access. (see also: abortion and voting rights)

Independent: a person who is most definitely not a Democrat but who gets to vote in Democratic primaries and tell the Democratic Party how it should work.

Inequality: what a Brocialist means when he spent 75K on his philosophy degree and now works at a Staples and thinks it’s unfair that a Wall Street banker makes more than he does.

Iraq war: a historic event created by George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Hillary Clinton.

Jill Stein: only woman we can think of who may be qualified to be POTUS.

John Lewis: neo-liberal $hill. Should take a lesson in civil rights era from Bernie. (see also: Cory Booker)

Misogyny: something that only applies to other white men. (see also: racism)

MLK: a guy who marched next to Bernie Sanders once.

MSM (“mainstream media”): any marketable, professional news source that doesn’t parrot The Intercept, The Young Turks, US Uncut, or RT.

Neoliberal: a pejorative term which serves chiefly to demonstrate that the person using it doesn’t know what the fuck they are talking about.

Neoliberal $hill: any non-Bernie-Sanders politician, but ESPECIALLY if that politician is a POC and/or woman. Must be spelled with “$” in place of the “s”. Extra points for using it as a punny substitution of Hillary Clinton’s first name: $hillary! Awesome! High five!

Political Revolution: an inspiring movement to elect forty-five consecutive male Presidents.

Progressive: anyone who calls a non-Bernie-Sanders-person a “neoliberal $hill”. (Side note: This definition can also include men who believe women should be forced birthing vessels. So long as you are willing to call all non-Bernie-Sanders people “neoliberal $hills”, you are automatically a progressive).

Purity test: must be approved by white men, any other test is divisive and why Democrats always lose

Racism: something that only applies to other white men. (see also: misogyny)

Rally attendance: one of literally only two valid forms of voting in a democracy (see also: caucuses).

Red baiting: any criticism whatsoever of Russia

Republican lite: someone who wants the same things as progressives but engages in realism.

Rigged: any primary or caucus system with rules that are followed.

Russian interference: a made-up phenomenon that doesn’t actually exist (see also: UFOs).

Susan Sarandon: preeminent political analyst who sometimes acts; Obligatory white woman who serves to remind groups of white men that NOT ALL women vote with their vaginas.

Super delegates: mostly a completely unknown entity, all that is known about a super delegate is that they are good if they vote for Bernie Sanders, and they are evil if they do not. Unfortunately, the “Wall Street” incantation does not seem to work against this mysterious entity.

Tax returns: unimportant

Tulsi Gabbard: how a brocialist reconciles his claim that Islamophobia is bad and thank god the woman who voted for the Iraq invasion and later apologized is not president.

Unity: the process by which all women, people of color, LGBTQ, and actual Democrats admit that only the people who refused to vote for Hillary Clinton should be listened to, and everyone else should just do whatever they say.

Vermont: a state where — against all odds — enlightened pols have led a diverse group of well-armed white leftists to create a progressive wonderland.

Voting: an optional chore performed only every four years (if there’s an inspiring candidate).

Voting rights: a distraction from real issues.

Wall Street: half of a powerful incantation that when introduced with, “down with”, renders the speaker of this potent phrase immune to any and all criticism of literally anything, including, but not limited to: sexism, racism, lack of credible information, lack of knowledge about what Wall Street actually even is.

Wikileaks: the word of god. We must never question the wisdom it gives us. And must never question its messiah Jullian Assange.

“Women’s Rights are Human Rights”: statement made by anonymous

Working-class voters: 1. the most important voters. 2. white men, usually.