MP kicked out because of speeding ticket lies, delighted that Boris is still PM

Fiona Onasanya, the Labour MP who was forced out of the party after being convicted of lying about a speeding ticket, has today said that she is delighted that Boris Johnson hasn’t had to endure the same fate.

“I think that we need to put things into context here,” said the former Peterborough MP.

“I tried to get away with having points added to my brother’s licence rather than my own, and that is unforgivable.

“I can clearly see that if I had simply closed down Parliament unlawfully, lied to the Queen, been involved in a corrupt campaign to trick people into voting Leave or simply given £126,000 of taxpayers money to one of my friends, I’d have probably been forgiven almost immediately.”

“On top of that, I didn’t go to Eton, so what did I think was going to happen! I’m such a silly-billy sometimes!”

It is believed that a secret document held in Downing Street lists the types of offence that would require an MP to resign from office. The narrative of it is that ‘any MP caught doing something that a poor person could be convicted of should have known better and will have to resign’.

Ms Onasanya went on, “I have been stupid and should have thought about the type of crime I wanted to commit before I did it. I have learned my lesson and the next time I want to be a bit renegade, I’ll just tell the Queen to fuck off or something. Simples.”