Though gay marriages don’t have legal sanction in India, a few couples are bravely taking the plunge.

Though he has been living in the US for two decades, Hrishi Sathawane had always wanted to get married in Yavatmal, his hometown in Maharashtra. When he realised he was gay, the dream seemed far-fetched, admits Sathawane over a call from California.“But then I started coming out to friends, and there was a lot of support,” he says. Last year, Sathawane and his Vietnamese partner Vinh had their commitment ceremony in Yavatmal. The 100-plus guests included friends, relatives, even school teachers. They had haldi, mehndi, exchanged garlands and, like every Indian wedding, the couple danced to a Bollywood number.Like Sathawane, several same-sex couples are tying the knot. In a country where homosexuality is still criminalised, this takes courage and some help from friends and family.Suchandra Das and Sree Mukherjee had a traditional Bengali-style wedding in Kolkata in December 2015. Their friends, a heterosexual couple, hosted the wedding and the priest was also a close friend. Their parents were supportive. “Even in Chennai where we live, our neighbours came with a huge cake,” says Das.There was also some criticism. “Some said getting married was unnecessary and questioned why Sree was dressed as the groom,” Das says.Mumbai-based gay rights activist Harish Iyer points out that the LGBT community is not a homogenous group. It has divergent views on marriage. “Some denounce it as a patriarchal practice. Some wish to get married and believe that we can redefine it as a celebration of love. I belong to the latter category.” In 2015, concerned about his single status, Iyer’s mother published a matrimonial ad for a suitable groom in a leading newspaper.“I started getting mails and calls from relatives of gay and transgender persons who wanted to fix an alliance and that was endearing,” Iyer says.In a series of essays, author Sandip Roy has argued that the concept of same-sex marriage may be socially more acceptable in India because of the emphasis on getting married. “Coming out in India is really about marriage. In fact, the standard coming-out line is, ‘Mom, Dad, I don’t think I am going to get married’,” Roy writes on NPR.Iyer seconds this: “Many parents don’t accept their child’s sexuality because they worry that their kids may die single in a highly prejudiced world. When I introduced my mom to my partner, she was like ‘now he is your responsibility after me’.”Perhaps this explains the rise of a uniquely Indian institution: an arranged gay marriage bureau. Urvi Shah, who runs the country’s only such bureau in Secunderabad, says she has organised marriages for 42 couples from different parts of the country in the last two years. Around 72% of her 1,500-odd clients are Indian. “When I was in college, I spoke to many people from the LGBT community, and understood that many were looking to settle down and that dating sites weren’t helping them,” says Shah.Bengaluru’s Mahi was forcibly married to a man for six years, and divorced him after the death of her parents. She met her current spouse Ellen through Shah. Though it was difficult to find a venue and a priest, their small wedding finally took place in a church last September. “There were only nine friends as guests but what really matters is the commitment we made to each other,” says Mahi.But what about the legal status of such weddings? “Even if Section 377 is read down, same-sex marriages will have no legal validity in India. You do not get acknowledged as a spouse. You do not have access to any benefits that a heterosexual person does,” says Anjali Gopalan of Naz Foundation. “I am glad marriages are taking place but unless they are backed by law, we are not getting anywhere. I still see a lot of discrimination.”Iyer has a different take. “Section 377 criminalises any sex that’s not peno-vaginal. It criminalises the act, not the identity of being gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender,” he says. “Gay marriages do not have legal sanction; however, they are not illegal. This means that same-sex couples do not have partner benefits like property, insurance, medical, etc. However, there is nothing stopping them legally from having a ceremony and calling it marriage.”Back in California, Sathawane and Vinh are in the process of adopting foster kids and organising their official marriage. Sathawane says he has been flooded with messages of support from the LGBT community in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. “Section 377 is a colonial-era law that continues to enslave the gay community. If two people want to spend their lives together, why should anyone have a problem?” he says.