Hello, there. We didn’t see you behind the gauzy drapes that are hung so elegantly and so close to open-flame candles in our den. Please, join us. Rosé or Merlot? We’re not just talking about wine; we’re talking about colored pencils. It is something we do together in a group. We’re not a cult. We’re adult coloring book people.

Come come, sit sit.

Who is your favorite adult coloring book artist? We love Johanna Bassford. Her designs make us want to color FOREVER. You prefer more geometric patterns? That’s fine, too. With pattern-based adult coloring, it’s easy to make your desired iconography appear out of the background mysteriously. Or whatever you want, really. We just love coloring books, and we’re not afraid to forwardly indoctrinate others into our world. I mean—share our love of coloring. Again, we’re not a cult.

Have you heard how good coloring is for your mental health? It stimulates the parts of the cortex involved in motor skills, while simultaneously lulling you into a deep, child-like state of trust. Oops! Forget that last part. Nothing to see here! Here’s a crayon.

We were just about to put on some music. Are you familiar with Gregorian chant? Lovely. It’s the perfect sound to cover the delicate scratching of our coloring utensils against the sturdy paper of a well-made adult coloring book. Let your worries fade away like a beautifully sketched gradient. We’re just six regular gals relaxing after a long week at our very important, very busy jobs. Personally, I lay crystals on rich people’s pets, but we’re a diverse group. Some of us lay crystals on other things besides dogs, like people and sand pots and altars. We’re just normal, functional adults who love to color!

There are a lot of misconceptions about adult coloring book people out there. We don’t just color, I’ll have you know. Sometimes we make frames, too. And decorative garlands so we can hang our artwork with little clips. You should see all the different kinds of little clips they sell these days!

This sure is a fun chat, and you’ve made so much progress on that hummingbird; it’s coming out beautifully!

You would never go to Barbados, right? We had a bad experience last month when one of our members went on a trip to Barbados and missed an important coloring event. Nod your head if you promise to never go to Barbados.

Shhhh—no words. Let the sounds of quiet productivity wash over you. You’re slowly becoming more and more at one with the universe; more at one with us. Oh look, we both are making similar color choices. You really belong here. Isn’t it nice to find a place where you finally fit in, like our adult coloring book circle that’s not a cult?