Quickly we learnt his reputation for possessing charm and cunning in equal measure was well deserved. First it was Sheeds the Statesman saying he was making no allegations but just wanted clarification for the sake of concerned Essendon supporters. Then it was Sheeds the Showman suggesting it was a storm-in-a-teacup, adding, ''We'd better get a few gallons down at Essendon.'' Finally, as the questions persisted he asked this reporter's pedigree. ''Who do you follow?'' he inquired. ''The Hawthorn Football Club, Mr Sheedy,'' was the reply. ''But that's our hobby. Our job is to write crime stories.'' We were quite chuffed with this Elliot Ness-like response. Sheedy wasn't (although to his credit he took nothing personally and even now refers to your correspondent as ''Hawk'').

The investigation cleared Hawthorn after chemical examination showed the liquid was a sinus-clearing mixture of smelling salts and eucalyptus oil. As an aside, it was rumoured police put the trainer who administered the magic liquid, the much-loved Bob Yeoman, under surveillance, which quickly showed he was no Pablo Escobar. Legend has it they watched him drive home from the social club where his only offence was to dump an empty stubby in his neighbour's yard. The drug scandal was page-one news and Essendon was mortified. The board publicly apologised to Hawthorn and was privately livid with Sheedy. Less than two weeks later, his side beat Hawthorn for the premiership, almost certainly saving his job. Three decades on, nothing has changed. In the turbo-charged world of football, whispers become fact, rumours become evidence and reputations are trashed for the hell of it.

Now many at Essendon, including coach James Hird, are under scrutiny over allegations that, depending who you believe, comprise the jockstrap version of Watergate, or as empty as a Bobby Yeoman stubby. There are claims that many of the club's football department staff have taken more cosmetic drugs than Michael Jackson's backing band and some of the players make Iggy Pop look like a Salvo on a tamborine solo. It is part of Melbourne's wonderful culture that everyone has an opinion on football. In Sydney they have broader interests such as enjoying A-grade beaches, making celebrities out of B-grade bookies, bribing C-grade politicians and taking nutty advice from D-grade disk jockeys. However, the obsession on matters football has its down side, with passions sometimes spilling over into the pathological. Listen to 30 minutes of sports radio following a footy game and you begin to doubt the wisdom of universal suffrage.

We are able to spend most weeks in our palatial Media House office quietly pursuing crime stories without being attacked on line and on air, in contrast to our besieged football-writing colleagues. We readily believe that when Michael Sheahan completes his top 50 players for the Herald Sun he is forced to disguise himself as a left-arm orthodox rabbi for at least a fortnight to avoid enraged fans, while it is well known within the industry that Patrick Smith uses a body double when leaving the The Australian's heavily fortified office. We are constantly perplexed to see how our own Caroline Wilson is subjected to more poison than a death adder with consumption. We have heard grown men, their voices cracking with rage, ring radio stations to launch Tiny Tim-pitched abuse simply because they don't agree with her views on the Essendon drug saga. As much as it must sadden them, we can report she appears totally unaffected by their insane rants, blogs and tweets. We were lucky enough to be present just the other week for her biannual visit to the office, which created scenes of joy not seen since Queen Victoria opened the Great Exhibition in Hyde Park in 1851. So let's try to sort out what's what in the Essendon story in a slightly more forensic manner than, ''Hirdy's a great bloke and I don't like Caro's hair.''

Essendon employed Stephen Dank, a sports scientist, to design a ''cutting edge'' supplement program to get bigger, faster and stronger in 2012. He was also to help prevent and/or recover from injuries after the team had a horror run in the second half of the previous year. Dank was qualified for the job but appropriate due diligence checks would not so much have rung alarm bells as brought out the fire brigade (including the station's Dalmatian dog) for he had left several sporting clubs in mysterious circumstances. Dank sourced peptides from the colourful biochemist Shane Charter (aka Dr Ageless). Some of those products, while legal, were banned for athletes under World Anti-Doping Authority rules. Others had not been passed for human consumption. Charter is no nerdy chemist. As a former power lifter he says he would try all performance-enhancing products before recommending any to clients.

When we chatted he left us with an interesting tip: ''Never take horse steroids, you'll end up with ulcers on your arse.'' We wrote that down as such tips are invaluable. Now Dank was a busy man and had many clients, which may explain why he at first denied having any business relationship with Charter despite a series of emails and text messages showing they were in regular contact. Dank used South Yarra compounding chemist Nima Alavi to mix the peptides into doses to be given to Essendon players. Some were administered through injections into the stomach given at an anti-ageing clinic across the road from the footy club. One of the drugs allegedly used was an anti-obesity product said to aid injury recovery, which gives new meaning to the coach's instructions to switch to the fat side. The challenge for the Australian Sports Anti-Doping Agency is trying to establish a solid chain of evidence, which at this point is falling a few links short. Investigators can prove Dank bought the controversial peptides from Charter but can they prove they were given to Essendon players? After all Dank could have legitimately used them through his Sydney rejuvenation clinic.

There is unlikely to be a strong paper trail; if illegal peptides were used no one would have listed them on the Bombers account. And none of the players have returned positive results when tested for performance-enhancing drugs. What is galling for the AFL in general and Essendon in particular is they have been determined to co-operate with the investigation and try to work out what has gone wrong. Compare this with the NRL, which has been less than co-operative, preferring lawyers at 20 paces to any real attempt at a search for the truth. And one NRL reporter better hope the Australian Crime Commission isn't tapping phones or one of his conversations tipping off a key figure on the latest developments could prove most embarrassing. While Charter has been remarkably frank with the investigators, Dank, the man who administered the injections to Essendon players, has refused to give evidence. In other words the prick with the pricks has given ASADA the flick.

Dank maintains he has done nothing wrong, has not given players banned substances and is the fall guy for this unholy mess. So where does this leave Essendon? Did officials mastermind an East German-style doping regime to beat the system or did a program designed to explore new frontiers spin out of control? The evidence thus far would indicate a stuff-up. It seems implausible that those inside the club embarked on a policy that could destroy the club if they were caught or endanger the young men in their care if they weren't. The tragedy would be if the players who took part in a club-sanctioned program they were assured was within the rules were to be punished for doing what they were told. The added problem for the AFL is that while the controversy won't go away, neither will Essendon. If they were bumbling around mid-table the crisis may well subside but the club has legitimately developed a powerful list capable of playing deep into September.

It is a fair bet that if they win the flag, AFL CEO Andrew Demetriou will turn puce and pass out. He would then require an emergency revival agent. Bobby Yeoman's smelling salts and eucalyptus perhaps? And then a stubby. A full one.