A drinks menu sits erect on the counter boasting of “Teetotal G ’n’ T”, “Square Root Soda”, and “Seedlip & tonic”. I do not know what any of these are but Seedlip certainly sounds like you swallowed something memorable.

“The G ’n’ T is made in Skipton!” bellows a voice nearby with the enthusiasm of someone who deems this a selling point. It belongs to Laura Willoughby, the cofounder of London’s first alcohol-free bar for LGBT people.

The “bar” is a monthly night housed in a two-storey, wood-panelled café in Bloomsbury that should probably win an award for its name: Queers Without Beers.

They trialled Queers Without Beers in east London first before finding the permanent central London spot here. Baked goods nestle in bowls. William Morris wallpaper and a whiff of veganism abound.

It is just 10 minutes after the opening, on an arctic Wednesday in January, yet dozens of people are already draped around tables on the ground floor, or gathered downstairs by a fireplace, apparently unencumbered by the prospect of an entire night out sober.

I stare at the pastries.

There is no music, and obviously no alcohol, but instead a rising din of chatter, as if conversations are lighting up by sheer determination to connect. It feels wildly, sweetly enthusiastic, like a freshers’ week event but without the certainty of regrettable sex.

Willoughby has an impressive quiff and the perky, rolled-up-sleeves demeanour of someone who would have been a godsend in a bomb shelter, and calls herself a “bit of a twat”. This pertains to her previous drinking problem.