Boris Johnson nursing a semi

Boris Johnson is reported to be nursing a semi this morning after Theresa May’s disastrous general election result.

The Foreign Secretary is said to be “not at full chub”, but definitely “has a lazy lob on” as bookmakers slashed the odds on him becoming the next Tory leader.

Political correspondent Simon Williams reported, “People said he’d pop right up the moment May lost her majority, but he’s at half mast after the poor result, still keeping his hand hidden. For now.

“He’s delighted that May looks unlikely to last the year, but he doesn’t want to reveal himself and come into the open right now with a premature celebration.

“But make no mistake, he might be keeping it on the clutch, but that just means he can pull the big gun out of the bag the moment she stumbles.

“It’s a political masterstroke.”