PHILADELPHIA—Declaring that they “wouldn’t want to be him right now,” teammates of unathletic outfielder Brett Golliver, son of Coach Bo, confirmed Wednesday that he was going to get fucking reamed out after the game for dropping a routine fly ball in the sixth inning. “Oh my God, it went right through his hands. That poor motherfucker is as good as dead,” said first baseman Tyler Dixon, recalling how Coach Bo glared with silent fury after watching his son overthrow the cut-off man on a potential double play during practice last week. “You can see coach is trying to hold it together, but as soon as that car door closes, he’s going to rip him a new one. I mean, you already know he’s pissed he had to put Tyler in the outfield ’cause he kept bobbling grounders at shortstop. Now that he’s actually cost us a run, the kid’s ears are going to be ringing for a fucking week after this.” At press time, team sources were mumbling “Here we go” after witnessing Coach Bo drop to one knee and grab his son by the shoulders.

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