Cheating stories are kind of like an itch that I need to scratch. I’m not saying I take happiness in hearing about them, but, for some reason, the drama and craziness that typically accompanies them always makes them a little better. That’s why I’m always open to hearing a couple good ones.

While cheating is the most selfish thing that a person can do, in my personal opinion, when it happens, there’s usually a juicy backstory that reminds us that some people are the absolute worst. They choose to ignore their own insecurities and fool around behind their significant other’s back, which, in most cases, ends the relationship.

Whether it’s the boyfriend hooking up with an ex, or a girlfriend trying to be stealth with a coworker, when things seem fishy, some people will hire private investigators to get hints and answers. Well, our friends over at Men’s Health tracked down one of those PIs, Whitney Joy Smith, president of the Canadian-based Smith Investigation Agency, who detailed some of the wildest cheating stories she’s ever encountered.

“This woman’s husband said that he had suddenly found new friends. They’d all go to the gym, they all liked to be buff–that was his reasoning, even though his physique hadn’t changed at all. So she called and we set up surveillance, but he was next-to-impossible to follow. He was so suspicious and drove weird routes, made abrupt turns, and so on. We did notice one thing, however: The neighbor always left at the same time as the subject. When we asked the client if they had ever seemed flirtatious, she said yes. So we decided to follow the woman instead of the man. She was also suspicious and evasive when driving, but we came prepared with three investigators. After briefly losing her, we found her vehicle in an industrial location behind a gated area in a building that was closed for the evening. Moments later, the subject’s vehicle pulled into the same parking lot. I picked up the client in my car and we drove down to the location. We never bring clients with us–this was the first and last time [because] she would have likely shown up either way once she got the update. So at least her being in my vehicle made it safer for everyone. As we were pulling in, she literally jumped out of my truck and hightailed it to the vehicle. She opened the back door and found him with his pants down and the woman undressed. She was hopping up and down, screaming, and she was trying to get at the neighbor, but the guy was standing in between them. He blocked the way so the woman could get to her car and we moved out of the way so she could leave safely. [The couple] stayed together–I guess they tried to work it out and he stopped seeing the neighbor. She called some months later and wanted us to tap his phone to see if him and the woman were still speaking, but we don’t do that service.”

Here’s a reminder for all you sketchy guys out there, if you have the urge to cheat (which we hope you never have), it’d be wise to avoid doing so with another woman who lives a mere 100 feet or so away from you, AKA the next door neighbor. At some point, you’re going to get busted.

“One guy wanted us to follow his wife as she said she was going on a ladies’ trip to a tropical island. She gave this grand story about all the things they were planning–it was some sort of bachelorette party with seven to ten women. The client knew the husband of one of the women, and had said, ‘Oh, must be fun, they’re going out of town,’ and the husband had no idea what he was talking about. We followed her to the island, and the woman was partially telling the truth in that one female friend was there for three out of 14 days. As our investigator was in the lobby waiting for the friend to depart in a taxi, we saw the subject say goodbye to her friend. She then walked into the lobby, and the cabana boy walked up to her, picked her up, and they started kissing. They certainly seemed comfortable with each other, it was all hugs and kisses–it wasn’t a first-time kind of thing. They spent the next week at a nearby hotel enjoying life, tanning, kissing and more by the pool. All the times the subject was sending pictures to her husband of her and her friend in different swimsuits to keep him in the dark, I was sending him the real images of her with the cabana boy. From what we gathered after giving everything to the client, he looked through photos from previous times that she had been there and figured she had met him during one of those trips. [The client] was upset at first, but by that time, he had had a little time to let it sink in and settle. I think he knew it–it was just a matter of him being correct.”

F’in A, this one just seems like it’s something directly out of a movie or something, doesn’t it? The cabana boy and a lady vacationing just seems too good to be true. Unfortunately, it ended up being one of those instances where the client probably knew it was all going on, but needed validation — which had to be a tough pill to swallow.

“We were hired by a woman to find out if her husband was cheating. She had noticed some inconsistencies in his behavior in general–he said he was going to a sports bar to watch a hockey or football game, or he was working late or his car broke down. Even when she wanted to go away together for a long weekend, there was always some reason why he couldn’t. After a few weeks of surveillance, we caught him spending time with another woman and had everything we needed to have more than enough proof of the affair. They ended up breaking up, but then, about six months later, we got a call from someone wanting surveillance. Sure enough, it was the same guy, and the woman he had the affair with now wanted to know if he was cheating on her. We didn’t end up taking the case, but she had given us the full rundown of the situation and from everything she explained, we knew it was the same man.”

You know the old adage, “once a cheater, always a cheater”? Welp, this guy is the epitome of it, because he basically got caught doing it with two separate women. What a jackass.

To see all of the wild cheating stories that Whitney Joy Smith and her private investigation company have experienced, head on over to Men’s Health. Trust us, the stories are dumb, pathetic and, of course, really sad — but they’re a reminder why nobody should ever cheat.

(H/T Men’s Health)