After his only client was unexpectedly elected president of the United States, Michael Cohen was all but measuring the drapes for his office in the West Wing. Just a few weeks earlier, Cohen had paid a porn star $130,000 to keep quiet about her alleged affair with Donald Trump, and as Trump’s longtime personal lawyer, bagman, and fixer, Cohen must have imagined he would be handsomely rewarded for his loyalty. He reportedly pictured himself working as the president’s chief of staff or, at the very least, in a “senior job that would have also allowed him to continue being an attack dog for the president.” Unfortunately for Cohen, who Trump has allegedly treated like garbage over the years (including publicly humiliating Cohen at his own son’s Bar Mitzvah), he badly misjudged the situation and was left behind in New York. Luckily for Cohen, the shock of the election left major Fortune 500 companies scrambling to understand the White House’s unruly new tenants. And, as we now know, they were willing to pay top dollar for people with “insights” into Trump.

Cohen, according to multiple reports, immediately sprang into action to “cash in” on his connection and perceived closeness to the most powerful person in the world. AT&T, Novartis, Korea Aerospace Industries, and Columbus Nova—all of which were recently revealed to have paid Cohen hundreds of thousands, or even millions of dollars for such services, gave varying explanations for hiring him. (Novartis said they were interested in his views on “health-care policy” K.A.I. was seeking his “accounting advice,” and so on.) Sources who spoke to CNN, however, said Cohen’s proposal was much more blunt. “I don’t know who’s been representing you, but you should fire them all. I’m the guy you should hire. I’m closest to the president. I’m his personal lawyer,” is how one G.O.P. strategist described his sales pitch. The Washington Post reports that he would show off photos of himself and Trump, and claimed they spoke frequently.

Of course, post-election, it’s not exactly clear how much access Cohen actually had to Trump, or if they ever once discussed substantive matters that the people who hired the self-described “fixer” would be interested in (a source familiar with the relationship told CNN they did not). But from Cohen’s perspective, that was likely beside the point. “You don’t need access to (Trump). All you need is the perception of access to (Trump),” explained a former campaign official.

Indeed, that seemed to be the case for legal and lobbying firm Squire Patton Boggs, which struck a $500,000 contract with Cohen after the election. It was, an employee told the Post, “a no-brainer.” “They paraded him to clients all those months,” the person said, noting that now that shit has it the fan, the firm is trying to downplay Cohen’s role.

In fact, it’s the lack of accomplishments Cohen provided for these companies that make his contracts with them so impressive. Once Novartis had its first and only meeting with Cohen—after it had already agreed to pay him $1.2 million—it ultimately decided he had nothing to offer but kept paying him anyway. (One employee noted that it wouldn’t have been worth potentially angering Trump.) The hundreds of thousands of dollars that AT&T paid Cohen for “insights”—like how to keep its Time Warner merger on track, theoretically—apparently didn’t do anything to stop Trump’s Department of Justice for spanking AT&T with an antitrust lawsuit.