A former youth footballer who says he was abused by two football coaches in the 1990s has spoken of his struggle with anxiety and depression, and strongly criticised the police and footballing authorities for not taking action against the coaches earlier.

The ex-player believes Bob Higgins, who has been convicted of indecently assaulting 24 junior footballers, and Kit Carson, who died in a car crash on the morning of his abuse trial earlier this year, colluded over his abuse.

But Jon (not his real name), told the Guardian that by giving evidence in court against Higgins, a former Southampton and Peterborough United coach, he had taken back power and hoped it would aid his recovery.

'The FA didn't stop him': The long road to justice for Bob Higgins' abuse victims Read more

“I bumped into [Higgins] in the corridors of the court,” said Jon. “The anger raged through my veins. But he’s just a sad old man. I eyeballed him, he didn’t look at me, he looked straight ahead.

“In court there was eye contact between us about four times. At one point we got locked in a stare. It was a case of who’s going to look away first. I was answering questions as I was locked in the stare. I know it’s probably a bit petty but that was me taking back that power. It was like: ‘I will stand here all day staring at you.’ He looked away eventually.”

Jon was groomed and abused by Higgins during the coach’s time at Peterborough in the mid-1990s. He also testified in court that he was ordered to drop his shorts and stand naked in front of Carson, then a youth development manager at the club, as his future was discussed.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Bob Higgins pictured during an interview by Hampshire police. Photograph: Hampshire police/PA

The former player is sure Higgins and Carson worked together, pointing out that the dropped-shorts incident happened 24 hours after he had finished taking part in a training camp led by Higgins.

“That’s more than coincidence,” Jon says. “It was though there had been some sort of highlight put against my name. That’s how I feel. Either it was: ‘He really wants it’ or ‘He’s really vulnerable.’ There was some reason for Carson to think he could do that with me.”

Carson was facing 12 charges of indecent assault when he died in a car crash in January. His inquest takes place next month.

“I think he took the coward’s way out,” Jon says. “He couldn’t face it, he didn’t want to stand up in court in front of these boys.”

Jon added: “I’m still affected. I’m struggling with anxiety and depression. I’m still on medication. I hope after this trial I’ll get off the medication.”

The former player is angry that Higgins was able to move to Peterborough despite complaints having been made about his behaviour at Southampton.

“If it had been dealt with at Southampton I wouldn’t be where I am now,” Jon says. “I wouldn’t have been abused, I wouldn’t have had to go to court, I wouldn’t be dragging my family through this. This is still part of my life, it’s not historical abuse to me. It’s still like yesterday.”

In 2013 Jon says he wrote to Peterborough to describe what Higgins and Carson had done. The police investigated his claims but he was told it was his word against that of Higgins and Carson and no action was taken. “I was devastated,” Jon said. “Boxes were ticked but was a real investigation made?”

Jon’s story is not unusual among Higgins’ victims. The coach’s tactic was to isolate victims from parents before grooming and abusing them.

In October 1994, when he was 15, Jon was told he and his Peterborough teammates would spend a week during a school holiday training with Higgins at Fairthorne Manor in Hampshire.

At the end of the week Jon and his teammates were back at Peterborough sleeping in the dressing room before a match. Carson was on duty.

At about 11pm Carson called Jon into his office. Dressed only in shorts and flip-flops, Jon was told he had performed better than anyone at Fairthorne. “I was over the moon, absolutely ecstatic,” said Jon. “Then he asked me to drop my shorts so he could see how I was developing. So I dropped my shorts. I had nothing on underneath. He said something like: ‘Fucking hell, you are developing really well’.” Jon was told to return to the dressing room.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Kit Carson, 75, was due to face trial at Peterborough crown court on 7 January but he died in a car crash that morning. Photograph: Joe Giddens/PA

In March 1995 Jon got a place on the club’s youth training scheme. He was excited when he heard Higgins was going to take over as youth team manager because of his reputation as a star-maker.

Jon began to spend a lot of time with Higgins in Peterborough and at the coach’s home in Southampton. “He said he was going to look after me as he would look after his own son.” Higgins would cuddle Jon and say: “I’m going to be your dad now.”

His football career went well but his relationship with Higgins was becoming more disturbing. Higgins would touch him under his clothes and rubbed his penis with his foot. “I felt really uncomfortable and scared, embarrassed and confused. I totally froze. I didn’t like it but I was stuck now.”

Jon said he felt secure with Higgins. “I felt safe because I had been manipulated and brainwashed,” he said.

The coach told Jon not to bring flowers to his grave when he was dead but to tell him now how much he meant to him. In March 1996 Jon wrote a letter to Higgins telling him: “I love you Bob.”

In April 1996 Higgins left Peterborough. Jon quit too and went to live with Higgins and his wife, Shirley, in Southampton. Shortly afterwards Higgins told Jon he couldn’t train him any longer and, reluctantly, he returned home.

Jon went on to have a career in football and at one point earned a professional contract. Higgins was the first person he called when he heard. But he could not settle. He had anxiety and panic attacks and felt unsafe when he was away from home. He began to drink and could become violent. Jon felt that Higgins – and football had let him down.

It was when his son started to take an interest in sport that Jon felt the time was right to address what had happened to him. “I had a boy. It started to hit me that it wasn’t right what happened to me. I didn’t trust people. I couldn’t leave my son with people when there are men like Bob Higgins out there.” Hence his contact in 2013 with Peterborough, and his decision to go to detectives again in 2016 when the football abuse scandal broke.

Jon said he believed Higgins enjoyed the attention of being on trial. “He must have loved it. He was in the limelight again.”

He believes there are still men like Higgins and Carson in football. “I think there’s ways and means of them getting in. There’s all these checks put in now but how tight are they?”