Buttbuddies.jpg

This text message was inadvertently sent by Hoboken Board of Education member Irene Korman Sobolov to Superintendent of Schools Christine Johnson, and the 8 other board members, including Peter Biancamano. The text refers to City Councilman Michael DeFusco, who is gay, and to a political supporter of his. Board member John Madigan wants Sobolov to resign. (Photo by Steve Strunsky | NJ Advance Media)

HOBOKEN -- A member of the Hoboken Board of Education is calling for the resignation of a colleague who inadvertently texted a message to the full board containing the term 'butt buddies,' in reference to an openly gay city councilman and a political supporter.

"For the good of the school district, she should resign," said school board member John Madigan. "We have a gay-straight student alliance in the high school. You think that's going to make them feel welcome?"

Irene Sobolov

Madigan said he would formally call on the sender to resign at the the board's next meeting, Tuesday night at 7:00 p.m., at the Demarest School Auditorium, 158 Fourth Street.

The text was sent by Irene Korman Sobolov, a 2009 board appointee elected to her second three-year term in November as part of the sweep by the three-person Forward Together slate.

Forward Together is allied with a majority faction of the board opposed by a minority faction that includes Madigan. Madigan was elected to the board in 2015.

Sobolov, who said she has no intention of stepping down, said she accidentally sent the text to her eight fellow board members at 3:17 p.m. on March 30, according to the time stamp on the text. She said she had just received a text containing the phrase from a friend in town, and meant to forward it to another friend, as part of a private exchange.

But it was just after board members had received a group text from the district superintendent, Christine Johnson, on a separate matter, and Sobolov said she must have somehow sent the "buddies" text to Johnson and her board colleagues, including Madigan.

Sobolov has apologized to the board, to the councilman, and to anyone else offended by the text. She also insists she hasn't got a "homophobic bone in my body," and that she had not even been aware of the phrase's use as an anti-gay slur. Nor did it occur to her at the time, she said, that the phrase could be construed as such when used in reference to someone who is gay.

John Madigan

"I truly regret the situation and sincerely apologize to those impacted," Sobolov said in an email to NJ Advance Media. "The text message was intended for a conversation I was having with two girlfriends, musing on the interesting and often changing political landscape in Hoboken. A term was used that I always understood to mean 'good friends,' or in this particular case, 'interesting political friends.'"

The city councilman about whom the text was sent, Michael DeFusco, said he was "hurt" upon learning of the texting incident. But DeFusco, who endorsed Sobolov in the November school board race, said he had spoken to Sobolov and accepted her apology, and that he did not think she should resign.

Rather, DeFusco said, the episode should be a "teachable moment."

"Hoboken is far too divided and I'd like to work with Irene, and everybody, to make our city a better, more inclusive place," DeFusco said in an email. "I believe in a future where politics come second to doing what's right, so a resignation is not necessary. It's a teachable moment for all."

Sobolov agreed, and said the incident taught her to chose her words more carefully.

"I reached out to many family members, friends and community members, including those in the LGBT community, and I am grateful for their support and understanding," Sobolov said. "It is important that I use this situation as a learning experience and perhaps spur a positive community conversation about the importance of being ever mindful of the power of words."

But some in the LGBT community were outraged by the text.

"We were very upset to hear that comment," said Christian Fuscarino, executive director of Garden State Equality, the state's largest LGBT advocacy group. "How can she protect students from bullying and harassment when she's doing the same thing?"

Like Madigan, Fuscarino was skeptical of Sobolov's assertion that she was unaware that the phrase was used as a pejorative, or that it might be interpreted as one in the context.

"I would encourage her to enroll in a sensitivity training seminar to understand what's offensive to the LGBT community," Fuscarino said.

The text was accompanied by a screen grab from DeFusco's Facebook page, in which a supporter praised the councilman's "vision." DeFusco is weighing a bid for mayor in Hoboken's non-partisan municipal elections in November against the incumbent, Mayor Dawn Zimmer.

Like DeFusco, Zimmer also endorsed Sobolov and her Forward Together running mates in their November election sweep. But after being provided a copy of Sobolov's text, the mayor issued a statement condemning the phrase's use or its dissemination as "absolutely inexcusable."

"Our city should have no tolerance for that kind of offensive language or for the distribution of it, other than for the purpose of condemning it," Zimmer stated.

Apart from Madigan and Sobolov, the one board member who expressed a position on the matter was Peter Biancamano, an ally of Madigan's on their self-described "old school" minority faction of the board, characterized by its strong support for charter schools. In essence, the more conservative faction of the board is accusing a member of the more liberal majority of being regressive on LGBT tolerance.

"With all of the hate crimes that are going on these days, it's language like this that adds gasoline to the fire," Biancamano said.

Steve Strunsky may be reached at sstrunsky@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @SteveStrunsky. Find NJ.com on Facebook.