I’ve never understood why people make such a big deal about the ‘New Year’. I mean, I get celebrating your birthday or whatever — lasting another year without dying is pretty cool, right?

But it’s so fucking stupid to make a big fuss about it being January 1st. I mean sure, it’s important for calendars and keeping track of the day and stuff, but why do people have these big parties and do a big countdown like they’re expecting something to happen?

I didn’t feel any different when I woke up this morning (in case you hadn’t already guessed, yes, it’s January 1st). A ‘new year’ doesn’t mean a ‘new you’ or a ‘new life’. Nothing’s changing except the numbers you use when you write the date.

A week and a half ago though… Now that’s when I woke up feeling different. December 22nd, the morning after that party I went to with Landon. I still remember opening my eyes and wondering if the night before was some kind of crazy dream. It pretty much had to be, right?

Then I pulled out my phone and saw about a million messages waiting for me (guess I’d forgotten to check it the night before. Whoops…) and that’s when I knew it was real. All of it.

I completely ignored the messages from Ollie and Penny. I just wasn’t ready to deal with either of them yet. Why let them ruin my good mood?

Then I told Lily that Operation: Get Asher Laid was still a work in progress, but we’d finally entered the beginning phases (with a promise to give her more details later, obviously).

And then I texted Landon to invite him over. Part of me was pretty nervous about asking him to come to my house, but without my sisters there and with my parents busy getting stuff ready for Christmas, I knew it was the perfect time to invite him over. No distractions. I really wanted the chance for us to actually talk about everything, because after what happened the night before, I was pretty damn sure we both had a lot to say.

Luckily my parents were pretty cool about it. They actually seemed pretty excited to finally meet Landon (though I made them both promise not to embarrass the hell out of me when he got there). I hadn’t told them anything about what happened at the party, but I think they had a feeling. They kept giving each other these stupid little smiles and making these teasing comments about me and Landon. Which was super obnoxious, but at least they were happy for me?

Penny still hadn’t made it home from her ‘sleepover’ yet, and I was about two seconds away from telling them about where she really was, but I decided not to. Honestly, it’s a hell of a lot more fun having something to hold over her head. She pulls that shit on me all the time, so fair’s fair, right?

Plus, I had more important things to worry about.

I was able to get Landon up to my room pretty quick (after a super awkward but mercifully brief ‘hello’ from my parents) and we finally got to talk some things out. We never had the chance at the party, minus those first few minutes in the bathroom — it was too loud and crowded and honestly, we spent whatever time we could get alone making out.

Anyway, it was probably the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had in my life. I mean like, it made me feel totally excited and happy AND like a total fucking idiot at the same time. I didn’t even think that was possible.

How did I never realize how he felt before? From the sound of it, he’s liked me just as long as I’ve liked him… and we were both too fucking terrified to do anything about it. How stupid is that?!

As super-fucking-awesome and borderline-unbelievable as this whole thing is, part of me can’t help but feel a little sad too. Like we wasted time or something… Imagine if we’d had this conversation like, a year or two ago.

Because right now, the timing isn’t exactly ideal. Landon graduates in less than six months, and he still doesn’t know if he’s staying in California next year, or ending up all the way across the country. He’s got an offer from a school down in San Diego, but most of the schools fighting to get him are literally thousands of miles away, and he still hasn’t decided yet which one he’s gonna choose.

I have no idea what it’s gonna mean for us if he leaves. And he even said the same thing — “I don’t know what’s gonna happen,” he said. “I can’t promise anything right now.” He looked so sad when he said it, but at least he was honest with me.

Then he asked me if I still wanted to go for it anyway. “I’m game if you are,” he told me.

And how the hell could I say no? A few months with him is a hell of a lot better than nothing at all… And we still don’t know for sure — it might work out just fine. We don’t know yet. But I’m sure as hell not gonna waste any more time. I’ve waited this long for Landon. I’m not gonna wait any more.

It was like a literal Hollywood movie moment right there — deciding we wanna officially be a ‘thing’, making out on my bed… God, it was fucking perfect.

Except, y’know, for the fact that I forgot to lock my bedroom door.

The one fucking time she forgets to knock. Go figure.

Made for a pretty interesting conversation with my ten-year-old sister… But at least we were just kissing, right? And at least it wasn’t my parents. Or Penny. Ugh.

Anyway, that was over a week ago now. And I’ve only seen Landon once since then. Another case of sucky timing — my Mom’s parents flew all the way out here from Germany for Christmas, so I didn’t really have any time to hang out with Landon after that. We only see them like once a year, so it’s kind of a big deal whenever they come visit (especially for Christmas… usually it’s just the five of us here, or we fly out to see Grammy Lola).

Much as I like seeing my grandparents though, unfortunately them visiting meant I didn’t have Landon around to distract me from thinking about the other thing that happened at the party.





Penny and I have barely spoken at all since then. Thanks to Lily, she knows I’ve got both of her little ‘secrets’ hanging over her head (sneaking to an upperclassmen party AND having a secret boyfriend… Talk about a double whammy). But she’s STILL got Homecoming hanging over mine too, so… we’re pretty much at an impasse at this point.

We’ve essentially devolved into communicating via death-glare any time we cross paths (which, thankfully, is pretty rare. I’ve been in hermit-mode pretty much all vacation).

And since Ollie was in London with his dad, I never got to talk to him about what happened… He just got back home yesterday, but I haven’t called him or anything yet. And I know I SHOULD. I feel like the shittiest friend in the world right now. His dad’s wedding was a huge deal for him — and not in a good way. I mean hell, he was literally sobbing in my arms about it a couple months ago!

I should reach out, shouldn’t I? I should talk to him… But I feel like if I do, I’m gonna end up saying something I shouldn’t. I still feel so fucking weird about this whole thing with him and Penny. I’m pretty fucking pissed at both of them, to be honest.

Not only was it gross and wrong but… I dunno. It just hurt. And I know it shouldn’t have. But it did. And even with things going so beyond-amazing with Landon right now, it still hurts.

I guess hanging out with my Oma Gigi kinda helped me feel like it’s not completely crazy to feel that way.

I love it when she comes to visit, but it always makes me feel so sad too. Not to be a downer or anything, but she’s just so lonely. Much as she tries to hide it, I can tell. Especially when Opa Phoenix and Oma Marie are there too.

They’ve been together since before I was born, and they got married when I was like… two? Mom was pregnant with Penny when it happened, so I must’ve been. We flew out to Germany for the wedding, but I don’t even remember it now.

Point is, they’ve been together for like eighteen years… But Oma Gigi still doesn’t have anybody. I think she’s dated a few guys before (ew, super weird to say that but whatever) but she’s still not married to anybody. And it’s just… sad.

And even though it’s been like a quarter of a freaking century since she and Opa Phoenix got divorced, I can tell it makes her feel weird to see him and Oma Marie together. It’s the most awkward, depressing third-wheel situation I’ve ever seen.

Sometimes I start to wonder why she tortures herself by coming to visit the same time they do… But I know she does it for Mom. She’s so happy when both her parents are there together. I can tell. But it definitely hurts Oma Gigi too.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is, it’s been years and years and obviously Oma Gigi’s over Opa Phoenix by now. But seeing him with somebody else still sucks.

Same with me and Ollie. I mean, I’m totally over that stupid crush I used to have on him. We’re just friends. And I’m so happy with Landon too. But…

It still sucks.

Especially when he’s with my sister, of all people.

I still can’t decide whether I’m completely dreading tomorrow, or looking forward to it. It’s the first day of the new semester, and I’ve got Trig first thing in the morning.

Which means I get to sit right next to Landon. My… boyfriend? We didn’t put a label on anything right now, but that’s totally what he is, right?! I guess it doesn’t really matter though. No matter what he is, I can’t wait to see him again.

But unfortunately, I also sit right next to Ollie too.

Jesus, I never thought I’d be dreading seeing my best friend. But after everything that’s happened… Yikes.

It’s crazy to think that less than two weeks ago, the three of us were sitting in that same class for our midterm. And everything felt so normal. Landon was just my crush. Ollie was just my best friend.

And now Landon’s my gorgeous maybe-boyfriend and… well, Ollie’s still my best friend. But now he’s also the guy who’s dating my sister and making me feel all weird too.

Okay, remember what I said before about how a New Year doesn’t really mean anything’s different?

I think I take it back.

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Note: In this chapter, we (very, very briefly) ‘met’ Phoenix’s new wife, Marie. It always made me sad that we never got to see how Phoenix finally met his true ‘Happily Ever After’, and unfortunately it never made sense for either Emberlynn or Asher to give us any of those details… So, thanks to a suggestion by one of my readers, Maple Simmer (thanks!!! ❤ ), I decided to (retroactively) write a little bonus chapter that gives us a peek at how the two of them met.

Sorry for the fact that it doesn’t flow very well with the current story. Think of it as a flashback! 🙂 It takes place about 18 years ago, story-time, right around the time Asher was conceived, actually 😉

You can click here to read their little story, if you’d like! ❤ It’s quite long, so feel free to hold off and come back to read later. Thanks guys!