When my future children misbehave

Child 1: Please, don't ground us!

Me: Stop groveling as if this is the worst day of your life. This is a good day. I'm going to give you all the opportunity to rehabilitate yourselves, and become productive members of this family.

Right now, you're lost. But pledge your loyalty to me, and I'll give you a new purpose in your lives. Of course if you don't want to cooperate you can stay right here. Hopefully someone saves you before Mom finds this mess. But I wouldn't count on it.

Child 1: No, we'll play nice! Don't leave us here!

Child 2: We pledge our loyalty to you, Great Dad.

-Kuvira's Guide to Good Parenting