Honeybear here to do a comprehensive S9 Eastern Conference Auction Draft Grades article. Hope you enjoy it and don't be salty. It's all good fun and I did my best to portray an accurate ranking. Good luck to all teams this season! Season 9 is gearing up to be a great season for everyone. Have fun and enjoy!

Eastern Conference Rankings

1) Dyson Majors: A

There is no doubt in my mind Dyson Majors should be the #1 team in the East right now. With 3 former SuperBall champions (Griefseeds, CHECKNATE., and SirDan) this team is poised in the talent department. Brake is no slouch, as he played masterfully in minors and majors last season for BNB. He should adjust well playing with one of the best defenders in the game. A lot of this team's success will really come down to SirDan and his commitment to playing Majors at a high level. If not, they may struggle early on. I imagine Griefseeds will secure a good backup offender in the snake draft. I fully expect Dyson Majors to be playoff team, barring any more bottings bans or something. (just kidding)

2) KGBallers: A-

KGBladders are back in business! The long-time combination of Stalin and i'm high will look to pick up where they left off as one of the historically great offensive tandems in the game. Although Stalin has had a few middling seasons recently, I fully expect him to return to top form with i'm high near his side. The combination of Stann and Ball OON should not be underestimated. Their playstyles mesh really well on paper and both have had moderate to great success in majors. Securing Have Mad was a great idea for Stalin to groom a young offender. The only thing holding this team back is their commitment to practice. All 4 of these players are pretty busy people IRL and if they can overcome not practicing as much, they should be in the playoff mix in a few months.

3) Boostin Dynamo: B+

jjpoole understands how to draft well. He took two of his former minor leagues stars in risk and Sherrattinho (spelled right!) to play majors this year. Both of them are more than capable in stepping into those roles. Sherrattinho even won ELTP last year, so there is no doubt in my mind he will be the next big Euro star in MLTP. Matetricks is a wonderful pick to round out his offensive tandem as he has had lots of success on West Coast teams before moving back East this year. I expect high-flying jukes and spectacular plays from risk and Matetricks. Of course, there is jjpoole who is smart, dedicated, and knows how to build a team from the ground up. His game is stellar and on point. Their biggest downfall is their inexperience but they should make up for it quickly. Playoff bound.

4) LagProne: B+

The biggest problem LagProne has last season was the debacle finding Ballymandias's defensive partner. After Syniikal was traded because he quit and Rambo quit, OJDude filled in quite well but wasn't enough in the end. This year, Bally decided to go after a perennial top player in Turbo while also securing a young upstart in YS1 to groom. Turbo was known to have availability issues last season as captain with his busy job, but in game Bally will be able to trust his game presence. If not, YS1 is in the wings and he can always nab OJDude in the snake. On Offense, LEBRON*JAMES will spearhead this team and is ready to take on the responsibility. He is well worth the coins. RemoSlice is an interesting pick--great player, a winner in TagPro, but there's also a large age gap between him and the rest of the majors team. Maybe I'm reading into it too much but maturity could be an issue. RemoSlice is a capable player and pleasant to be around (and he memes well). If Bally/LEBRON have any say in it, they'll groom Remo to be a top majors offender. I'd expect LagProne to take some time to get it together, but by playoff time--watch out.

5) Ghostboosters: B-

On first look, this team is comparable to last season and probably better on paper. I have some concerns though. Gem and quarky. proved last season they can be a top defensive pairing but quarky.'s ineptitude towards practice will really hurt them down the stretch IMO. Speaking of practice, swerve is also notorious for not practicing and it showed at the end of last season. Marble Madness fell apart completely. I expect Fronj to go after Protagonist in the snake draft to use in rotation, which will help alleviate some concerns. The talent is here on this team but it may go underutilized. Fronj has a lot of work to do now with his first full season as being a majors captain. Gem can also be a question mark as we all know--she can go from raging to pleasant in a few minutes. There's no doubting she is one of the best players, but will her personality become a hindrance for the team? Time will tell. Ghostboosters will be on the outside looking in and fighting for a tough playoff spot.

6) Base Gods: C

The combination of Mr.Gone and Raven on defense, the commish duo, should be strong. Raven has played Majors at a fairly high level for several seasons and Mr.Gone made it to the SuperBall last season. I expect big things from this tandem. The offensive pairings are up in the air. Raven went all out getting bdl, so I'm assuming he'll be starting. bdl is a great two-way player but I have heard people say he is a better defender. Neither Big Swingin or fuckingtank will enjoy being on the bench and this could cause issues internally. Both are also known with having some availability issues. It may be tough for this offense to get going with a clash of talent. I expect this team to be fighting for a playoff spot but will miss out slightly.

7) ALL CAPS: C-

Dream team? I don't think so. This team worries me now and not in a good way. IMO, BALLDONTLIE is the weakest captain in the East and he didn't do well to draft a well-rounded squad. His bright spot is Hulzy, without a doubt. Hulzy is back and will likely dominate majors and he'll have to bring BALLDONTLIE up a notch. Their offense should be decently good. The defense is a question mark. Without a doubt, eagles. was one of the best players a few seasons ago. It's uncertain how committed he'll be to trying to win the SuperBall and he might not have the time to commit fully. He also doesn't have much of a partner to do it with. Rumor has it, FAT will not be playing this season and Syniikal is a team killer. He may be really good technically but he doesn't play team TagPro. BALLDONTLIE would be wise to draft someone in the snake who could play defense in majors. Ultimately, I think this team won't come together well BUT that could change quickly if BALLDONTLIE finds a better player on defense. Their spread out time zones could also become an issue for a radius team, where Hulzy and eagles. both play in the west/central areas.

8) Adrenaline Spikes: D+

Every ranking has a worst team and Neb's team is that. It's not that this team is inherently bad, it's just a tough Eastern Conference. IMO, Neb and Prizm is a big downgrade from Neb and arbybear. Prizm typically plays better on offense and is more comfortable there. I don't think any offense will be worried about this tandem. Romulus is an all-star capable offender, but he notably hasn't been very active this offseason. He's definitely the bright spot on this team. Russia' is back after a season hiatus but I've heard he's been quite the troll in ranked pugs and "looks really rusty" according to some sources. He's untested against majors caliber defenders on a regular basis. I don't have much confidence in this team. These are overall some good players but the Eastern Conference is tough and there is always a last ranked team. I would know.