Christianity is the belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

And the being that created the universe, the vast, incalculable distance that contains innumerable galaxies of limitless stars is intently focused on what you do with your penis.

And if you don't believe that he exists he'll be so mad that he'll sentence you to an eternity of torture in hell, but he still loves you.

We know all this to be true because it is in the bible, the word of god.

We know it's the word of god because it's in the goddamn bible!