A dirty little secret is out — some women think babies are tiny life-ruiners.

Never mind their adorable giggles … or the way they perpetuate the circle of life. Babies have become the enemies of ambitious, adventurous women who believe that infants steal your freedom, derail your career, and mess up your relationship. In short, "They ruin your life," says Kate Thompson, 30, an account executive from Washington, D.C. "They're the most selfish beings on the planet." A baby seems like a puking, pooping menace to Thompson's sexy, new marriage. She loves spontaneous dinners and relaxing beach vacations with her husband, Will. A baby, they agree, would be the ultimate buzzkill.

Babies are taking a backseat as women become more highly educated and arguably more focused on their careers than ever before. There are fewer babies being born in the U.S., and more women are waiting longer to have them. "Working is hard enough, and while maternity leave is necessary, you run the risk of falling behind at a job that might not wait for you," says Yvonne Cheng, 34, the co-creator of Unbaby.me (now Rather), a browser extension that erases things you hate (like babies) from your social-media feeds and replaces them with things you love (like puppies). "And women have to work harder to maintain their careers after having a baby." Alison Leiby, 30, a copywriter in New York, fears that a baby could squelch her budding stand-up comedy career altogether. "What do I do, put in all this time and then … have a kid and throw all that away?" she wonders.

Some women enjoy babies but simply don't want to have children. But others are becoming more blunt about their baby hate — and their disdain for in-your-face parents who allow their babies to disturb the peace at restaurants and on airplanes. "I can't stand a baby, and unfortunately, they're at every turn," says Leiby, who claims babies are lording over her Instagram feed and drooling all over her favorite brunch spots. Aggressive parents make it worse, she says. "I feel like people are showing off, 'We have this baby and we have this life! Look, it's working!' But you're ruining my breakfast. It's not working at all. Everyone hates you."

Admitting to hating babies in the era of attachment parenting — think Alicia Silverstone passing food from her mouth to her son's — remains socially taboo. "Women always have to say, 'I love kids, I just don't want them.' You can't ever just be like, 'I don't like them,'" says Chanel Dubofsky, 35, a writer and graduate student in Brooklyn. "There's this idea out there that you have to become a parent, and if you don't, you're not a woman. It's so annoying."

After Dubofsky declared in an online article that she "actually doesn't like babies or children," commenters snapped back. One wrote: "Saying you don't like kids is like saying you don't like your friend's disabled cousin." But after spending much of her childhood caring for sick relatives, Dubofsky treasures her independence and says having a baby would seem like losing herself. "A friend who recently had a baby posted on Facebook, 'I can't remember what I did before I was Liam's mommy,'" Chanel recalls. "I was like, 'You can remember! You were a social worker and a journalist. Your life had no purpose before?' Ugh."

Baby haters may be in the minority, but they're proof that happily-ever-after doesn't have to include a freshly swaddled baby. Thompson says she'll eventually try for a child because she worries she'd later regret not having one. But she's putting it off as long as possible. "I have to start winding down my life," she says, "before I end it."

*The author found out she was pregnant while reporting this story. She is not a big fan of babies but thinks her daughter is the best.

This article was originally published as "Why So Many Ladies Hate Babies" in the November 2014 issue of Cosmopolitan. Click here to get the issue in the iTunes store!

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