I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t watched a full televised Academy Awards event since John Wayne won for Best Actor for his role in “True Grit,” and that was way back in 1970. Last night was no exception. Indeed, over the past several decades as Hollywood has become so suffocatingly and sneeringly leftist in its self-esteemed opinions and since most cinematic products spewed forth these days are so drippingly politically charged, I’ve decided not to put myself through the resulting disgust and ultimate boredom.

As expected, this Awards ceremony was laced with the same tired anti-Trump commentaries. No need stay up for that. I can gather all the information about the awards the morning after, and I don’t have to stay up until 1 a.m., either.

But this morning I became really excited… and relieved. You see, it appears that the latest Russian attempt to influence and shape events in the good ole’ United States has been completely foiled! Last night, after most good hard-working Americans had long gone to bed (they had to get up and work on Monday, unlike the Hollywood elites), washed-up actor Warren Beatty announced the wrong picture had won the much-vaunted Best Picture Award.

Say what? Just as soon as he had handed the card announcing the film, “La La Land,” as winner to his co-conspirator Faye Dunaway, suddenly an attentive official sprang forth to snatch that card out of her hands, and hushing up Beatty and Dunaway, announce that indeed it was the politically-progressive “Moonlight” that had won instead.

Bizarre? No; you see, this was a magnificent example of how the Hollywood elites and the Progressivist movement have finally stopped Russian attempts to subvert our democratic system!

Let me explain: “La La Land” is by no means a hard core “conservative” movie; but it does go back and in many ways recapture a film noir spirit of the 1940s. It is well-acted and scripted, a bitter-sweet romantic film, conjuring up memories of a semi-mythical past, and doing so with restraint and empathy. But, egregiously, “La La Land” got some favorable reviews in what’s left of the traditional conservative media, including from “Chronicles” magazine and Fox.

That was its first problem.

More importantly, the film “Moonlight” is an epochal politically-correct wallowing in oppressive didacticism, and, of course, centering on the horrible plague of racism that affects every aspect of American life. So, you understand, something that momentous in the fascist climate now unleashed by President Trump and his army of neo-Nazi “deplorables” simply had to win.

Enter the Russians. Given their history of interfering, and, you know, getting all those millions of voters in “red” states to vote for Donald Trump, and, given their propensity to favor anti-gay, anti-feminist, and reactionary religious views, it should come as no surprise that they had a hand in pushing “La La Land,” even getting one of their agents to sneak in surreptitiously and provide poor Warren Beatty with the wrong card!

But, thank God, the Hollywood elites and their friends acted with alacrity to stop this latest outrageous Russian operation in its tracks! Finally, the Russians and that evil boogeyman Vladimir Putin were thwarted: liberal democracy, multiculturalism, and political correctness triumphed! The cultural revolution will continue!

And this morning, after taking off their tons of expensive jewelry and disrobing from their expensive Armani suits, Gucci shoes, and black ties, asleep in their multi-million dollar mansions in Beverly Hills, walled-off against those nasty “deplorables,” the Hollywood elites are snoozing off their champagne. No doubt, they dream fancifully, again, in self-satisfaction of their presumed significance in American life.

The truth is quite different: they are extreme, preening narcissists, content to stare admiringly at themselves like Dorian Gray and applaud their self-created importance. They failed utterly to shape the result of the November election. But, never mind, miraculously, in an incredible service to American democracy, they stood tall and stopped cold the latest Russian effort to do us in.

And now I can sleep well tonight, knowing that Hollywood is vigilant for “its values” and for racial and gender Progress, and that its multicultural crusade will continue.

But I do miss John Wayne….maybe if the “Duke” had been there, there would have been a shoot-out? And since those cretins-parading-as-celebrities eschew guns, I think I know who would win that confrontation!