ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Several minefields outside Sistak in central Croatia have been earmarked to replace the Sydney Cricket Ground in all future fixtures amid safety concerns over the surface’s quality.

The news comes after the weekend soccer fixture between the blue team and the other blue team at the SCG where one of the other blue teams players hurt his knee and won’t be able to play for a bit.

All because of the surface, the blue club says.

That’s prompted other sporting codes, from Blundstone rugby, RM Williams rugby to Victorian rugby to pull out of all their future games at the ground just in case one of their players hurts their knee and can’t play for a bit.

Just why all the SCG home teams have chosen to play their games some 16000km away in a minefield was a closely guarded secret until somebody from the NRL accidently left their seven-year-old Dell laptop on the bus to work this morning.

After attempting to upload the laptop’s contents to Wikileaks, only to be turned away by the organisation, a reporter contacted The Advocate and our news media conglomerate is more than happy to publish the contents.

“An internal investigation discovered that the SCG’s playing surface was largely unfit to play sport on,” the leaked document said.

“That and Alan Jones has remarkably small hands and feet. Stuart MacGill loathes Pinot Noir is all varieties. Phil Waugh dyes his hair and Michael Daley has been banned for life,”

“Never the less, the minefields of Croatia were chosen to replace the SCG because they’re honestly the same thing. A surface unfit to play sport on – or even walk on.”

More to come.

