Cracked asked me to go undercover and infiltrate the insane culture of StarCraft because they said I would be "ideal" for the job. The last time I played online, I constantly got cussed out by players when I asked for simple help on how to build peons or where to find quests (nobody has told me to this day), so I asked the Cracked guys why on earth they would think I would be a good fit. They just coughed meaningfully and eventually said, "You know. Because you're... uh, your people like StarCraft, right? Isn't that like the national sport over in, uh, the Orient?" They then looked at me encouragingly. I think someone struck a gong.



"Sorry guys, I'm not following you."

Yeah, so I'm not sure what any of that means, except that you're going to learn about the bizarre world of professional StarCraft from someone who can't play the game.

First of all, StarCraft came out in 1998, and StarCraft 2 just came out--mildly interesting to you or me, but a life-changing event for a bunch of Koreans.



You know, like a Rain concert or something.

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