We’ve probably all been to at least one networking event, those initially promising but inevitably awkward meet-ups where most people arrive hoping to meet new contacts that can further their career—but end up stirring their drink in the corner of the room chatting with someone they already knew. The truth is, almost all of us feel this way. When researchers at Columbia invited students to participate in a networking event — students who had been claiming they wanted to meet new people! — they saw the same thing: even though 95% of the participants said they wanted to meet new people, most people simply talked to the folks they already knew. Even the ones who met new people gravitated towards people similar to them. So stop going to these time-wasting events, and invest in new hobbies and activities instead. It will be less awkward, more fun, and more useful in the long run.

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We’ve probably all been to at least one networking event, those initially promising but inevitably awkward meet-ups where most people arrive hoping to meet new contacts that can further their career — but end up stirring their drink in the corner of the room chatting with someone they already knew.

To an introvert, these events are terrifying, but it turns out that these events aren’t all that effective for extroverts either. Many people, not just the introverts, leave these meetings feeling like they wasted their time. Some may even wonder what’s wrong with them that they keep trying and failing to maximize their time at these events.

But it’s not you that’s failing. It’s the networking event itself.

I reviewed dozens of studies on networking for my latest book, and the overall implications are that these events don’t live up to their billing. Most of us, when put into a situation where the only goal is to meet new people, default to staying inside of our comfort zones. That means talking to people we know… or at the very least people who are similar to us. That means most networking events are doomed from the start, by their very design.

In a notable study of networking events, Columbia Business School professors Paul Ingram and Michael Morris organized a networking mixer as part of the school’s executive MBA program. Many of those invited were students who had actually been lobbying Columbia to put on more social events as part of the curriculum, so that they could benefit from the rich and diverse network of colleagues. In total, about 100 executives, consultants, entrepreneurs, and bankers gathered together for food and drinks on a Friday evening. Prior to the event, Ingram and Morris surveyed the executives to learn who among the invited guests they already knew and what their intentions and objectives were for the event. They found that on average, each guest knew about a third of the other guests, and that most of them planned to use the event to meet new people.

When the guests arrived, the researchers told them to “Act normally. Talk to whomever you want to, while enjoying food and drinks.” The researchers then used tracking badges to monitor who talked to whom. As you might be able to guess by now, most of the executives tended to talk to people they already knew. Despite 95% of executives expressing a desire to meet new people, the average participant spent half of their time with the one-third of the people they already knew.

The few new meetings that did take place tended to be with others who were like themselves: the consultants talked to consultants, and the bankers talked to bankers. In terms of both new conversations and diverse connections, the most successful networker at the event turned out to be the bartender.

If even the best-intentioned executives failed to meet enough new people, clearly the pull of our comfort zone is strong. So how can we avoid that pull? It turns out that the best strategy might be to just stop trying to meet new people. Instead, we are more likely to develop new relationships with a diverse set of individuals by focusing more on activities to participate in rather than relationships themselves. According to Brian Uzzi, sociologist, network scientist, and Richard L. Thomas Professor of Leadership and Organizational Change at the Kellogg School of Management, “Potent networks are not forged through casual interactions but through relatively high-stakes activities that connect you with diverse others.” In other words, schmoozing at a mixer is far less likely to lead you to a powerful network than jumping into projects, teams, or activities that draw a diverse set of people together.

The problem with networking events is that there’s no bigger purpose other than just having conversations with people, and without that bigger purpose — without that high-stakes activity — there’s little incentive to move beyond conversations that make us comfortable. When the stakes are higher, however, we end up needing more than what existing contacts and similar-seeming people can provide. So, we push further to meet more diverse people.

These types of high-stakes activities come in many sizes. It can be serving on a nonprofit board, organizing a charity drive, playing in an amateur sports league, taking up a new hobby, or anything else that draws a more diverse set of people than normal to come together and work toward something big enough that it can’t get accomplished alone.

The return on investment of time in these types of activities is far higher than just attending a social event (and that’s before you factor in the health benefits of sports leagues or the societal benefit of working with a charity). So skip the networking events. You have permission to never attend one again… as long as you’re reallocating that time to the right kind of shared activity.