World-record surfer a prisoner of his talent

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In December of 1969, a man named Greg Noll rode the biggest wave ever surfed. It happened in Hawaii, at a place called Makaha, and there was no doubt about the magnitude of his achievement; it surpassed all that had come before.

Most stunning of all was Noll's reaction. He was a legend in the sport, a larger-than-life character who had ridden giant waves for years, and he suddenly retired at the age of 31. That was his swan song. For those devoted to the sport and its lifelong benefits, it was difficult to fathom how Noll could simply walk away.

Shawn Dollar understands what Noll was facing.

Dollar, a 32-year-old regular at the famed Mavericks break near Half Moon Bay, is among the most accomplished athletes in Northern California. He has set two world records in the biggest-wave category. He lives comfortably in Santa Cruz with his wife and 2 1/2-year-old son, and is held in awe by young surfers who could only dream of cascading down a 60-foot wall of water.

And he has become, in essence, a prisoner of his talent.

Back on land - which is to say, most of the time - Dollar finds himself immersed in introspection, weighing the risk and thrill of his achievements against common sense. Jenn Dollar is deeply concerned about losing her man to the sea. Shawn would find it inconceivable to leave her and the child on their own.

Essence of his being

Elite surfer Shawn Dollar, 32, stands on a beach in Santa Cruz next to the surfboard he rode when he caught a world-record, 61-foot wave at the Cortes Bank, about 100 miles off the coast of San Diego. It was his second monster-wave record. less Elite surfer Shawn Dollar, 32, stands on a beach in Santa Cruz next to the surfboard he rode when he caught a world-record, 61-foot wave at the Cortes Bank, about 100 miles off the coast of San Diego. It was ... more Photo: Russell Yip, The Chronicle Photo: Russell Yip, The Chronicle Image 1 of / 12 Caption Close World-record surfer a prisoner of his talent 1 / 12 Back to Gallery

And yet, big-wave surfing is the essence of his being. He's not in the sport to show off or impress anyone. He's really good at it, and when confronted with the ultimate test - a veritable oceanic avalanche heading his way, with an opportunity to whip his board around and ride that thing - he will go.

You just can't find that type of thrill at the dry cleaners. Even an everyday surf session, the kind many would cherish for weeks, leaves Dollar unfulfilled. His life seems perfectly in order: college degree (Cal Poly-San Luis Obispo), steady job (Northern California rep for Reef footwear), wonderful family. But he has reached the heights of big-wave experience, and he finds the aftermath a disturbing mix of pride and exasperation.

The 2010 Mavericks contest produced some of the largest paddle-surf waves ever ridden (as opposed to tow-in surfing, now largely passé, in which surfers are whipped into extreme-caliber waves like water skiers via boat craft). Dollar hadn't qualified for the event, but during a break between the semifinals and final, he joined a few other surfers in the lineup. He caught just one wave, but it was a beast - later measured at 55 feet by officials at the Billabong XXL awards and established as the world record at that time.

It wasn't long before his euphoria passed. "You go into a state of mental depression after that," he told Surfer Magazine. "It's difficult to describe, but life isn't the same. My relationships with other people aren't the same. I'm not as receptive to my family - I often feel spaced-out, detached from life. You're left with the sadness that it's never going to happen again."

And yet, the ocean did serve up an encore - so daunting that it seemed lifted from the pages of science fiction.

Cortes Bank, once an island and now submerged, lies 100 miles off the coast of San Diego. At the water's shallowest point, the underwater shoal is no more than 10 feet below the surface, a lurking hazard known to cause shipwrecks and other nautical disasters dating back centuries.

Bold and adventurous

Who would possibly want to surf a raw, open-ocean wave, moving infinitely faster than anything close to shore, with no sign of a landmark? Such is the state of modern-day surf exploration: bold, adventurous, borderline crazy. Several big-wave surfers have been part of successful Cortes expeditions in recent years, but it's rare, maybe once a winter, that all of the necessary conditions come together.

Last December, Dollar got a call from Peter Mel, the Santa Cruz surfing icon and winner of last year's Mavericks contest. A Cortes trip was in the works, and Mel asked Dollar if he'd be part of the safety crew: manning a personal watercraft for the purpose of rescuing a surfer in trouble.

"Just getting out there is a mission in itself," Dollar recalled. "It's an 8-10-hour trip in the midst of a huge swell. As soon as we got around San Clemente Island (a bit past the halfway point), we were in 20-foot seas. That's when it hit me just how nuts this was."

With about a dozen elite surfers in the water, Dollar sat on his watercraft and watched for nearly two hours. He pondered his lot in life: an athlete taking extreme risks for free. Dollar and a number of his contemporaries are sponsored, but only in modest terms. They're lucky to have their travel expenses paid for their around-the-world pursuits. And meanwhile, on a golf course at some luxurious country club, somebody is standing over a 4-foot putt worth $1.2 million - roughly the winner's purse on a regular PGA tour event.

"So I'm thinking, I'm not a professional surfer. I'm not under contract," said Dollar. "It doesn't matter. You're out there because you purely want to be. So you'd better be loving what you're doing."

You'd better be safe, as well. Daring to stretch the limits and completely dismiss the notion of rational thought, today's big-wave surfers sometimes find themselves held underwater for 40-50 seconds, helplessly pinned to the depths as a second wave passes over them - the ultimate test of both physical and mental prowess.

The flotation vest

A staple of contemporary gear is the flotation vest, attached to the wetsuit with a CO2 canister and air bag on the back. "You pull on a cord and it inflates the bag through compressed oxygen," said Dollar. "Within a couple of seconds, you're going to the surface."

If it works, that is. A number of surfers have been so mercilessly thrashed underwater, their pull-cords were rendered useless. That's why Dollar employs a backup-plan device, known as Spare Air, a compact oxygen canister used by scuba divers in out-of-air emergencies. "You activate it by blowing into a mouthpiece, and that's pretty much going to be your last breath if it doesn't work," he said. "Scary kind of commitment."

Dollar said that in life-threatening situations, he makes a point of visualizing the outcome. He sees it all ahead of time, in the most positive light. In that frame of mind, he's ready to move forward. So it was that around 3:30 p.m. that day at Cortes Bank, with the surf now escalating dramatically in size, he handed over his watercraft to a photographer and paddled out into the vast, terrifying unknown.

The monster arrives

He was alone, willingly choosing a spot where he wouldn't have to deal with a handful of other surfers. The sets began pumping, each bigger than the last. Scratching for the horizon, he was clearing the waves' crest with little to spare. "Then here came one that was significantly bigger than the rest," he said. "It was pure instinct, an impulse. I whipped around and paddled as hard as I could. And I caught it."

This time, the Billabong people came up with 61 feet, another world record, once again in his possession.

Back on land, he was a hero - at least in everyone else's mind. But he was back in that strange, dark place, and this time he'd really bucked the odds.

"My wife really had a hard time with it," he said. "She told me, 'Why are you so selfish that you would do these things?' And that's not off-base. I told her, you're absolutely right for feeling that way."

These two are a rock-solid couple, dating back to their high school years and married in 2007. Admirably, they are willing to publicly discuss their ongoing dilemma.

'Stressful for me'

"It's very stressful for me when he heads out to Mavericks," Jenn said. "I almost hold my breath the whole time until I get that call that he's back on land safely. It was especially difficult when he went to Cortes. He asked what I thought, and I gave him my OK, but I didn't quite realize he would be sleeping on the outside of a boat 100 miles out to sea and waking up to 60-foot waves.

"When I closed my eyes at night, I would see the ocean all around and feel the rocking of the boat, as if I was out there with him. When I heard from him that he had the ride of his life, that pure joy in his voice made it all worth it."

Still, for a big-wave surfer in his prime, there's always that next time. "It seemed for a while that he couldn't find happiness in the little things in life," she said. "As if nothing compared to that rush he felt from that monster of a wave. That was very hard to deal with, because I didn't know how to help him cope.

"He knows I'm looking forward to the day he retires from big-wave surfing. He takes every safety precaution when he's out there, but it's still not enough for me. He knows I will never demand that he stop, or give him an ultimatum. But I'm that thorn in his side, reminding him to look at the beautiful life he has."

'Last wave of his life'

As much as Dollar can appreciate Greg Noll's abrupt retirement, he relates more to firsthand experience. Dollar was in the water at Mavericks when Sion Milosky, a deeply respected Hawaiian surfer, died in March 2011. "I was sitting right next to him," he recalled. "A wave came and it looked like it was mine, but he'd been out there just killing it, no fear or hesitation, really impressing everyone. He was stroking so hard for that wave, I just said, go ahead, man, that's yours. It was the last wave of his life."

One could hardly imagine a more definitive wake-up call. "My son was born just three days later, and I was still in shock," he said. "I had trouble with that for more than a year, because Sion's death made me totally aware of the cost. And now I think about drowning every single day. That's why I'm so focused on safety. Because when the day comes, I'm going to go on the heavy waves."

This is a special time of year in Northern California, the surf season in its initial stages, that first big swell not far down the line. Shawn Dollar will be part of the action, and when the Mavericks contest is held, he'll be among the favorites.

A growing peace

At the same time, he says, there's a growing peace in his life. "I look at my son (named Kai) and think about how that relationship will grow. He's really opened me to that, just being there for him. He wants to know about everything. He wants to see the birds."

As such, "I don't feel a need to go do something crazy again. I've felt something, twice, that most people never feel in their life. I'm starting to think to myself, at some point I have to pump the brakes and decide where I'm going next. Because my wife is scared to death of what I do."

With the new season at hand, "I really think we're past the worst of it," Jenn said. "I think he's found balance living in the real world and dreaming about his next big wave. Only time will tell when he decides to walk away from it. I think he'll always be involved with big-wave surfing in one way or another. I just hope that, soon, it's from land."