Granted, very few women enjoy walking up six flights of stairs, or enjoy feeling the subway rumble through every 10 minutes, and most prefer not to see mice on their way to the closet-sized bathroom (uh, not speaking from experience or anything). But does having a fancy apartment assure the city's bachelors that they're getting laid? The Post sure seems to think so, and they visited the swank flats of a few bachelors and determined that in this economy, "trophy apartments" are a surefire way to nab a lady.

A "multimillionaire financier" lets his pals borrow his "5,000-square-foot Upper East Side apartment so they can bring home ladies while he's away on business," and one friend "was able to score every night with three women (though not at the same time)." And we thought this was a family newspaper! But "Women Like Rich Bankers" is nothing new, what's more supportive of the theory is the paper's coverage of comedian Jim Norton. Norton describes himself as being "5'7, 160 lbs with brown hair, brown eyes and [having] a torso with the muscle tone of a retarded boy's tongue." But armed with his apartment in a Trump building on the Upper West Side, women experience temporarily blindness. Norton says "Women see windows —and skirts come off." He goes on:

“I remember another woman . . . I knew she was impressed with the place and decided to sleep with me,” says the comedian. “I gave a horrible [sexual] performance. She walked around the apartment a couple of times before she left — almost reminding herself that this is why she just put herself through that.”

Norton's apartment is definitely nice, but he has to have another secret weapon besides windows to get women to sleep with him. Maybe a fancy shower? A bidet? A chloroform rag dispenser? Maybe a Roomba that removes his semen stains? Oh, yeah, because Norton Tweeted today, "NY Live just shot video at my apt. Good thing there isn't a huge cum stain on my comforter."

As always, leave it to real estate agents to pimp out a neighborhood's "sexy factor," with one even willing to admit that his properties "often fulfill the void people have in their life." We can picture the walking tour now: "Women will love these granite countertops, and it'll be super easy to clean the blood pouring out of your wrists once you realize that you're an unloved, soulless hull of a human. We could also get it in beige."