Government stimulus on track to be available in time for the 2120 pandemic

The Government has proudly announced it is on track to deliver its stimulus package in time for the next pandemic in 2120.

The Government this morning hinted that it would soon announce a plan to start planning a design for the implementation of a roll out of the design of a wage subsidy program for businesses hit by the crisis. This comes two weeks after Mr Morrison dismissed the idea.

The Treasurer Josh Frydenberg said the cost of the program would be nothing, because, by the time the program had been designed, assessed, critiqued, discussed, dismissed again, and then announced in one of those meandering press conferences where Scott Morrison confuses everyone, every business in Australia would already be broke.

But Mr Frydenberg said Australia was leading the way in its response. “If you look at Norway, NZ, the US, Singapore, we’re better than all of them in our ability to fail to deliver on our promises. If you think about it, every other country has failed at failing to deliver.”

“Our economic stimulus plan is exactly like the bushfire recovery program, but bigger,” he added.

But the Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese warned that at the pace they’re going, the government will be lucky to even meet the 2120 deadline. “The government should put aside plans for the 2120 pandemic, and instead concentrate on the 2220 pandemic.”

Officials said that so far the government has announced well over $80 billion worth of measures to save the Australian economy, but it had only dispensed $2.50 of it, and that was on a Picnic bar from the coffee stand at Parliament House that Angus Taylor bought on the Federal Government’s Mastercard.