Last Years Cholesterol Test:

Act 1:

Doctor: Step on the scale.

Me: Why?

Dr: To get your weight

Me: How is that relevant to a cholesterol test?

Dr: If you’re overweight that can contribute to high cholesterol.

Me: (laughing hysterically) IF I’m overweight? Doesn’t this job require that you have decent eyesight?

Dr: (not amused) Step on the scale.

Me: No thank you.

Dr: Look…

Me: Move on.

Act 2

Dr. Takes blood pressure (116/70)

Dr: Take 3 more times

Me: My blood pressure is typically about 117/70, is there a problem?

Dr: I doubt these results.

Me: You took it 4 times, are you typically incompetent at this?

Dr: Let’s move on.

Act 3:

Dr: What drugs are you taking.

Me: None

Dr: You should consider a Statin Drug

Me: Shouldn’t we take the test first?

Dr: If you insist

Me: In fact I do

Dr. does blood test

Results: Chol 170 (goal is less than 200), HDL 49 (goal is more than 40), Triglycerides 119 (goal is less than 150)

Me: According to this chart, my results are "Exceptional" even for a thin person, right?

Dr. I doubt these results.

Me: I’m leaving now.

Paid over $200.00 for the experience (I’m self-insured)

This Year’s Cholesterol Test

Went to People’s Pharmacy in Austin, they are so completely awesome!!!!!!!!

Olivia greeted me pleasantly, did the test.

Results: Chol: 169, HDL 51, Triglycerides 118

Olivia: This is exceptional, you are great!

Me: Thank you so much for being so pleasant and not give me the "Hey, you’re fat speech" before you did the test.

Olivia: People have done that?

Me: Yup! Doctors.

Olivia: They must have felt silly when they saw the results.

Me: Nope, they doubted the results.

Olivia: Huh?

Paid $35.00 for the experience.

The morals of the story:

People’s Pharmacy Rocks

I’m a morbidly obese (DEATH FAT!!!!) very fit professional athlete with a blood panel that is Exceptional!

I’ve only been to the doctor 5 times in the last 5 years (for routine physicals) so I guess my fat ass isn’t too much of a DRAIN on the healthcare system

There are probably lots more like me

Suck it, Fat Police