Hally2020 Sun 21-Apr-19 01:34:21

I have been with my husband for 19yrs, married for 13 this September. I loved him dearly moving up north to be with him. I worked hard to become friends with his daughter who was 11 at the time.



We now live back down south and everything was, I believed on until I lost my mum in January 2015. She suffered from dementia and all my time was given mostly to mum. Sex wasn't an issue when mum was here because I was always too tired and he wasn't that bothered.



When I lost her, I had time for me again. I suffered badly from depression after losing her as she passed from an accident in the house when I wasn't there. I gradually noticed that I had become a virtual recluse during mums illness. I was never allowed out with friends anymore after I crossed the line getting in half an hour later than I told him I would be. I simply could not get a cab. So going out with friends became a no no. If I dressed nice to go shopping, I was on the pull. Make up again was out of the window. He hadn't allowed me to work, which I believed to be lovely until my eyes opened to realise I was financially dependant on him and still am. I'm given no money for me unless it's my birthday.



He plays computer games from the moment he gets home from work til he goes to bed but he chastises me for being on my phone, he's convinced everyone I speak to I'm having an affair with. To the point I show him the conversations I have with friends on Twitter. He's always making vile comments, I'm thick as pig shit, a dirty skag for taking to men(about football or politics).



I haven't wanted sex with him for over two years now because when he wanted it I would just wake up with my boob in his mouth, his finger poking me down there. It made me cry! At first I'd give in and he would get his way ignoring my tears. I don't even find him attractive any more. He has put weight on and never bathes. So with his appearance and his way with me I just can't fancy him. One night I awoke with dripping on my head and face, I thought I was dreaming but sadly not he was wanking over me because I wouldn't have sex with him. Now he is trying to get me to take Spanish Fly!!!!!



I really want to be done with this marriage but without his wage I have no means to support myself. My mum left me some money which he mostly shared with his daughter, taking her and her daughter on holiday with the last of mums money.



I know I should walk but I'm frightened of how I would survive. No job, no savings and no family left. I just don't know what to do. So sorry I've waffled I've just never told this to anyone but my doctor.



Thank you for reading,I appreciate your time.