PenguinsDontEatPancakes Wed 09-Oct-13 13:33:36

I'm going to steer clear of the biology on this one.



But there was something in a novel I read recently that really spoke to me. It was called Night Waking by Sarah Moss. No spoilers of the actual story, but basic premise is male and female academic on a Scottish island with their two young boys. They both want to get work done. No childcare. The wife literally grabs her books and runs and hides. Because she has noticed that, whereas she asks permission, her husband just vanishes. And if she asks permission it becomes a negotiation over who needs the time more.



I am a SAHM at the moment, but that really spoke to me. The way that, as women, we often take the default responsibility for the children. We feel that, to absent ourselves, we need to 'hand over' to someone else. Since I read it, I've tried to do a lot more just getting on with things on the basis that there is another perfectly capable adult in the house. You know, I walk out of the room they are playing in and come downstairs and start cooking. I go to the toilet and lock the door. I don't check that DH is watching them before I do. And you know the biggest thing, I don't think DH has even noticed. Because I don't think he even realised that I was checking and seeking permission each time. He doesn't. It was a pressure I was placing on myself.