Dear CNN,

I am applying for your new position for a reporter who will expose fake news. I’m definitely the person you want. Why, just last month, I wrote an article on how your own Brian Stelter is a purveyor of fake news himself.

In fact, you’ve helped make me the journalist I am. Even if you don’t hire me, I’ll always be grateful to CNN for all the practice. I’ve made a career from pointing out many fake news stories at CNN. With all the experience you’ve given me, I feel I am overqualified for this position!

Since CNN churns out so much fake news, we’d be a great fit. I have a large social media following, and already share with them all the fake news stories I find on CNN. You can’t beat that kind of publicity. You publish fake news and get all the readers, then you publish my exposure of the fake news and get all those readers and more. It’s a win-win!

I could spend all my time debunking your own fake news. I wouldn’t even need to look at other news sites. We’d keep the readers to ourselves. If you keep Stelter on, I could just focus on exposing his fake news.

This part of the job description describes me well: “They should get angry every time they see any inaccuracy in any story, whether large or small, and whether published by a fake news site or a real one.” I was snowbound in a motel a couple of weeks ago, and watched CNN (there was no Fox News) for several days in a row, and I felt myself get angrier and angrier.

You know what made me angry? Watching your incessant coverage of the unproven accusations that the Russians hacked the Democrats’ emails and gave them to Wikileaks. Meanwhile, you didn’t even mention the possibility that a disgruntled Democratic insider could have leaked the emails, which is what Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has said. If you hire me, you can bet I’ll be angry all the time! At you!

I know you’re looking for someone of impeccable character, and as many who know me can attest to, I wouldn’t hesitate to turn in my own mother if she was guilty of fake news.

I know you’ll be impressed with my work. Here are some CNN headlines with fake news from the last couple of days with a sample of my analyses:

Trump puts GOP in awkward spot on Obamacare

This is a great example. You took simple business as usual and turned it into a problem. Trump says his plan to replace Obamacare is ready, whereas Republicans in Congress don’t have a plan ready yet. This isn’t “awkward.” It just means the two need to agree on how they want to fix healthcare. That’s how Congress and the president do things.

The article also said Sen. Orrin Hatch “bristled” at Trump’s promise to provide healthcare coverage for all. He said we need to be careful about over-promising. That sounds more “cautionary” than “bristling.”

Obama approval hits 60% as end of term approaches

Here’s another good one. You say Obama is still popular. How’d you do that? You sampled a lot more Democrats than Republicans. The same with your polling about President Trump. Your recent poll on his approval rating sampled 31 percent Democrats and only 23 percent Republicans, despite the fact those percentages are not reflective of the general population.

Nancy Sinatra not happy Trump using father’s song at inauguration

In response to a question about her father’s song being used at the inauguration, Nancy Sinatra jokingly tweeted back, “Just remember the first line of the song.” The first line is, “And now, the end is near.” You ran the headline above about her tweet.

Sinatra angrily tweeted in response, “That’s not true. I never said that. Why do you lie, CNN?” She went on, “What a rotten spin to put on a harmless joke,” and had only good things to say about Trump. While it is true she recently praised Meryl Streep for her criticism of Trump at the Golden Globes, she is not the angry firebrand the article portrayed her as.

Since Sinatra called you out on this fake news, you changed the title to “Sinatra on Trump picking ‘My Way’: Remember the first line” and corrected the article, adding Sinatra’s response. Unfortunately, it took a celebrity to convince you to correct your fake news.

Finally, you’re looking for someone of impeccable character. As many who know me can attest to, I’d turn in my own mother if she were guilty of fake news.

I look forward to hearing from you. We’ll make a great team, I promise!

Sincerely,

Rachel Alexander

P.S. Here’s an idea if you’re feeling really radical. Rename CNN to FNN, for Fake News Network. You’d take all the traffic away from the conspiracy sites that dominate the fake news market. Together, we can take fake news to a new level.

Follow Rachel on Twitter at Rach_IC