When last we saw Rudy Giuliani, he was either getting locked out of his own phone or scouring Ukraine for the Chili’s placemat Jesus wrote the Bible on. Or something. I forget, honestly.

Well, he’s back, and his brain is still as curdled as month-old goat yogurt.

Here he was last night on Laura Ingraham’s Fox News comedy show:

Rudy Giuliani mocks contact tracing by asking why we don't also do it for cancer, obesity and heart disease pic.twitter.com/QzyBMGilhv — Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) April 24, 2020

INGRAHAM: Michael Bloomberg is going to handle the tracing, army of tracers in New York we learned today. GIULIANI: That’s totally ridiculous. Then we should trace everybody for cancer. Why don’t you trace everybody for cancer, and heart disease, and obesity? I mean, a lot of things kill you more than COVID-19, so we should be traced for all those things. Life possesses a certain degree of risk.

Even Ingraham seemed to realize Rudy had thrown a piston. I’m surprised one of her producers didn’t chuck a hungry sugar glider at his face to distract viewers from the cray-cray.

Yes, how ridiculous that we put someone in charge of tracing the very contagious disease that’s devastated the world economy and killed more than 50,000 Americans and counting. What loonies these Democrats are, huh?

And if you’re still wondering why we don’t do contact tracing for cancer … you might just be a Republican.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.