Hello, and welcome to my page! I’m Phillip Norbert Årp, or, as everyone likes to yell at me, Pnårp!

“What’s this page all about?” you ask? Well, ask, and I shall tell you something or other. This time, I shall thusly tell you this: Every week, usually on Sunday—if I actually remember that it’s Sunday when Sunday finally rolls around and rears its baleful, pestilent head—I sit down in front of the ol’ computer, pick up the ol’ board of keys, and bang out a few paragraphs describing what most likely happened in my life over the past few days. Sometimes interesting, sometimes merely confusing, sometimes skull-crushingly boring—but updated weekly nonetheless! And always filled with the wheedling, needling chatter of trillions upon trillions of lawn gnomes. Oh yes, always… always, always…

That’s right, dearies: Each and every week promises to bring a new steaming pile of text squeezed out by yours truly and deposited carefully on this here website. Isn’t that wonderful?!

“So, it’s one of those blog things,” you say? And I reply: “…Blbphplplhlbhuhh??”

If you like my page, or if you’d like a complimentary keyboard cover and set of fine pewter sporks autographed by Rory Calhoun and Alyssa Milano, please email me and tell me! [No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore.]

Where else can you find Pnårp on the unfurled-wide web? Why, everywhere! Pnårp is being a twit on Twitter, livin’ it up on LiveJournal, bloviating and gesticulating at something called Facebook, gravitating all over Gravatar, wheedling Reddit, and wandering about aimlessly at a bunch of other websites, too!

Pnårp is everywhere, dearies! It’s phlogistically fantastical!