CLEVELAND—Saying the activity was proving highly effective at halting mental deterioration, a new report released Tuesday by the Cleveland Clinic found that a growing number of elderly Americans are improving their cognitive functioning by solving simple murders each day. “We’ve long known that it’s important to keep our brains active as we age, but we’re now seeing a host of benefits in people who regularly visit murder scenes and try to piece together the killer’s motive and by collecting bits of forensic evidence,” said lead researcher Dr. Mary Webber, who noted that in fMRI scans, adults 65 and over who spent at least three days a week swabbing discarded weapons for DNA samples to run through national crime databases showed more vigorous brain activity than those who didn’t. “Even spending as little as 10 minutes a day looking into the past of a shifty bellhop at a luxury hotel where an heiress has gone missing can delay the onset of diseases like Alzheimer’s or dementia.” Webber added that because older people are more prone to social isolation, it can also be helpful for them to get out of the house and hunt down the murderers themselves.

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