Every new mom hears it. “You’ll miss this when they’re older”. It’s meant well. It’s meant from experience. It’s meant as a gentle reminder.

But when you’re in the thick of Postpartum Depression, when you’re drowning and suffering through new motherhood, it’s potentially one of the worst pieces of “advice” someone can give.

I don’t miss the no sleep. I don’t miss bouncing her for hours on end (there is no exaggeration here). I don’t miss the tension between my husband and I. I don’t miss the feelings of desperation. The feeling of being trapped. The loneliness.

Of course I miss her being teeny tiny. Of course I miss her little snuggles and snores. Of course I miss watching her grow and meet milestones. But no, no I will never ever miss “the thick of it”.

Because in the thick of it, it’s like drowning in tar. It’s slow, you’re still aware of what’s happening around you, and you’re stuck. Basically it’s someone saying to you, “Enjoy breathing now while you can!” Nope, no thanks. Help me get out of this tar.

So the next time a mom posts on Facebook that her kids are driving her nuts, or you hear her say what a tough day it’s been, instead of telling her to just enjoy it because they are little, try saying, “How may I help you?” “How may I pray for you” or even “I hear you. This season is hard. It gets better, but until then, I’m here for you. Hang in there.” She needs that comfort. She needs to be heard. She needs to know you’ll help her out of the tar.