A new season begins today in the AL West

Angels, A’s, Adrian’s team and 2017’s best

Back to Boomstick blasts bound for batters’ eyes

Back to beers, bobbleheads and backwards K’s… the Big Maple kind

CTZ courtesy of Cano, Cruz and Corey’s brother

Controversially called curveballs and cutters courtesy of CB Bucknor

Doughnuts you can dip and Diaz dominating

Dipoto making deals like he’s straight Shark Tank-ing

Time to enjoy Eddie’s emaciated ERA

And eviscerating the Evil Empire

Feel the magic of first pitch

And a final boss that breathes fire

Gold Glove Gordon = GOOD

Gonzales = GOOD

Guillermo = GOOD

Remember that’s Heredia, silent H

Save the H for hot dogs, hydros and hair flips

I don’t believe it… It just continues

Ichiro, Ichiro, Ichiro

Just in time for jewel-toned jerseys and jackets

Jean, Jean the hitting machine playing on repeat in the background

Today King’s Court is called to order

All K cards, please rise

Scoring K’s on K’s on K’s, with the honorable King Felix presiding

Let’s see, we’ve got LeBlanc, Leake and Lawrence

And Lance Lynn… LOL, just kidding

Lydia somewhere out in left field, never booing

Launch angle laser shows

And of course Louie, Louie

My Oh My…

Is that a mature Maple Grove I see?

And some mix of Marc, Marco, Mel, Mike, Mike and Mike meeting on the mound

There will be new neck tattoos

And not-as-novel ’95 discussion

Plus all the nervous laughter you can handle

Guys, it’s Opening Day

The old time religion lives

Out of our way Ohtani, we’re coming for you October

With a playoff-worthy pen, it’s time to, “Play Ball!”

Quality starts, quality at-bats

Robbie racking up runs and Rick Rizzs on the radio

Rain or shine, rally caps out

Spring turns to summer, SPF needed

Sunshine and seeds and seventh-inning stretching

Thou shall not stand in our way trident or teal

Thrown out on the basebaths – I think not

But yes to Uncle Charlie

And no-doubt upper-deckers

Yes to the Vogie Hogie (I’m still trying to make that a thing)

And Vogelblasts in general

Gotta love walk-up songs, high WAR and low WHIP

It’s official, “Mariners Yard Work” is in business

And who better to lead the yard party than Mike Zunino

… Thank goodness Howdy fixed him

LISTEN: Lydia reads ‘ABC-Ms of 2018’ to Rick Rizzs