Most ridiculous, most Silicon Valley job listing goes viral

Think you have what it takes to be a Silicon Valley nanny? Think again. Think you have what it takes to be a Silicon Valley nanny? Think again. Photo: Getty Images Photo: Getty Images Image 1 of / 40 Caption Close Most ridiculous, most Silicon Valley job listing goes viral 1 / 40 Back to Gallery

Think you have what it takes to be a Silicon Valley nanny? Think again. This job listing for a house manager/cook/nanny in Menlo Park has been going viral on Twitter and it sounds like a job not even Mary Poppins is cut out for.

Listed on Google's job search platform via The Calendar Group (a "household and corporate staffing agency"), a single mom entrepreneur CEO with twin 10-year olds is seeking help with everything from helping her kids with homework and cooking to running errands. But that's not all.

The listing, which is elaborately detailed and over 1,000 words long, leaves nothing up to the imagination. It is either the most spot-on satire of Silicon Valley culture we've ever seen, or a very real plea for some sort of superhero to help a busy CEO run her whole entire life.

You'll need to be a tutor: "Assist 10-year old’s with light homework in long division, subtraction and writing. Play math games with them."

You'll need to be a travel agent: "Conduct research into domestic and global vacation options based on criteria, populate information into a simple Excel spreadsheet, recommend and book vacations, track vacation expenses in Excel including track vacation home deposits getting returned," she asks.

You'll need to be an accountant: "Track and administer allowance, clothing budgets, household expenses, etc."

You'll need to be a manager: "Lead, supervise and support members of the household staff who have varying degrees of education, experience and maturity."

Look I know what day it is and where I’m posting this but I still challenge you to find ANYTHING more bananas bat shit than THIS. I DARE YOU pic.twitter.com/2HN7fYbtq7 — Kimberly Harrington (@honeystaysuper) January 23, 2020

You'll need to be a great cook for a family that eats organic and is allergic to dairy, chicken eggs, green beans and watermelon: "Conduct research into vegan recipes and make modifications to regular recipes. Able to learn about using alternatives to milk and butter. Can read articles about eating beef and increases in breast cancer and can understand this information at a summary level, i.e., beef is bad, fish and vegetables are good."

You'll need to be an athlete: "Can throw balls and play simple basketball, volleyball, soccer and football with 10-year old’s (learn if not already familiar). Can do calisthenics with kids (sit ups, lunges, squats, pushups) and generally play and rough house with kids."

Oh, and you'll also need to be a swimmer, a biker, a mountain hiker, an intermediate skier, plus excellent at driving in snow, on mountains and in other countries (preferred).

You'll also need to have "high emotional intelligence" and be skilled with coaching children. You'll need to "build alliances with other kids’ parents and nannies," "influence the children positively" and also have "room in [your] heart to love the kids and the mom; has a high capacity to be loved deeply by them."

That's right, this job is requiring you to love your boss and her children.

Four times in the listing, the descriptor "high energy" is used — and for good reason. You must have a flexible schedule, be able to travel with the family domestically and internationally, and you even have the option to be live-in if you so please. The salary is "dependent on experience."

Good luck out there, Silicon Valley job hopefuls.

Madeline Wells is an SFGATE associate digital reporter. Email: madeline.wells@sfgate.com | Twitter: @madwells22