1. Soothfast

What it means: Truthful, honest.

As in: Be soothfast with me, bro: did you drunk-eat my Pringles last night?

2. Erotographomania

What it means: A mania for writing love letters.

As in: How are things going with Greg?/ Oh, we broke up. I think he has erotographomania./ Oh my gosh I’ve heard of that — it’s like gonorrhea but worse, right?

3. Mammothrept

What it means: A spoiled child.

As in: Want to go to the pool?/ No!/ How about we watch a movie?/ No!/ Are you hungry?/ No!/ Well then what do you want to do?/ iPad!/ iPads are for grown-ups, you mammothrept.

4. Ganch

What it means: To execute by impaling on stakes or hooks.

As in: You picked up our dinner from Trader Joe’s instead of Whole Foods? What do I look like, one of those flash-in-the-pan yoga-lovers who try to pass bargain brands off for Lululemon? I will ganch you if you ever shop at Trader Joe’s again, do you understand me?

5. Keelivine

What it means: Lead pencil.

As in: Pop quiz, suckers, Scantron style! No. 2 keelivines only!

6. Whisternefet

What it means: A sharp slap.

As in: Nice whisternefet, buddy! You show that Franzia who’s boss!

7. Diversivolent

What it means: Looking for an argument.

As in: Are you kidding me? Harry Potter is far superior to Star Wars./ Ha! You wish. I’d put my money on Obi Wan over Dumbledore any day./ You’re kidding, right?/ No way. The Force is much stronger than some dumb “wand” that can supposedly perform “spells.”/ Now you’re just being diversivolent.

8. Lasslorn

What it means: Sadness due to being stood up by one’s lady.

As in: Why has Joe been karaoke-ing Jewel songs all night?/ Give him a break, man, he’s super lasslorn.

9. Palpebrate

What it means: To wink.

As in: This one time, I saw John Stamos on a plane, and he totally palpebrated at me. Swoooooooon.

10. Epicaricacy

What it means: Taking pleasure in others’ misfortune.

As in: Have you noticed how all of Maury’s shows revolve around paternity testing?/ Yeah. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he engaged in the epicaricacy of it all just for fun./ You don’t know any better./ Hey, Maury’s not like that, okay?

11. Absquatulate

What it means: To leave hurriedly, suddenly, or secretly.

As in: Where are we going, Fraulein Maria? It’s the dead of night!/ We must absquatulate to the Swiss Alps, children, where we can sing and dance and have puppet shows forever.

12. Widdershins

What it means: Backwards.

As in: You bought your wedding dress before he even proposed? The one you Pinned last week?! That’s positively widdershins! Brilliant, but widdershins!

13. Fussock

What it means: A big, fat lady.

As in: It ain’t over till the fussock sings.

14. Elumbated

What it means: Weak in the loins.

As in: So did you and Scott hook up last night?/ Ehh, he was a little elumbated, if you know what I mean.

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