This reminds me of a summer weekend in junior high, very close to the 4th of July.

My friend, who’s Mom was constantly having garage sales... One of the garage sale items was a funky 70’s motorcycle helmet.

I told my friend he should duct tape a Roman candle to either side of said helmet and ride his bike down the hill by his house. He agreed. We made it happen.

I lit them for him and he began the decent. The first two fireballs shot out in front of him and it was awesome. As he picked up speed however, the shots were ending up a few inches from the face shield where they would blow up and fog the shield. Two more shots and he was blind, crashed on the side of the road, shoelaces tangled in his pedals. He looked back at me for help, and two more shots fired in my direction. I dove for cover. He attempted to take the helmet off, only to fire two more shots into his crotch and one more down his right shoe.

He decided to just lie there looking at the sky until all 20 shots were done and hope no cars came down the hill. He finally got his helmet off just as the hottest girl in school walked by with her dog…

"You guys are weird!"

It set the pace for most of my encounters with hot women for the rest of my life.