“It’s not something I was comfortable discussing until very recently. But yes if I’m honest the events of that night changed the course of my career and my life as a whole. So when a spinner came on to bowl the eighth over of the match, I must admit I did shed a small tear.”

The first two tests of the Australian summer have featured a relatively even contest between bat and ball. While it’s been possible to graft runs if a batsman was willing to apply themselves, the fast bowlers always felt they were in the contest.

The public at large has really enjoyed the first two tests, which both seesawed back and forth and provided two of the better contests on Australian soil in recent memory.

However, not everyone was impressed. MCG curator, Matt Page, explains that he was disgusted by what he saw.

“Ever since a marauding pack of fast bowlers broke into my childhoood home and murdered my entire family, I’ve dedicated my life to the frustration and humiliation of fast bowlers. Cricket should be a celebration of the dominance of bat over ball, not an even contest where the quickies feel like there’s something in it for them.”

Page explains that when fast bowlers walk onto the ground, they should take one look at the pitch and realise that they are unwanted guests at a batting party.

“Yeah the average first innings score, for both teams, since 2014 at the Boxing Day Test is 462 runs. And two of the last four Boxing Day tests have resulted in a draw. So things have been tracking beautifully.”

We asked him what were the highlights of today’s play.

“Oh too many to list. I personally love seeing some of the best quicks in the world bend their back, bang the ball into the pitch only for the ball to pass the batsman just under knee-height. But yeah the best moment for me was when Paine brought Nathan Lyon on to bowl the eighth over of the match. That was not only a highlight of the day, but probably my whole career if I’m honest.”

Page explains, however, that it’s not all beer and skittles.

“Last year, I got too excited. I prepared the flattest highway of all time, and the pitch was rated by the ICC as “poor”, with fines imposed. So it’s a balancing act. I’ve got to have just enough grass cover to make it look like I’m trying, but not enough to provide anything for the quickies to actually work with.

He is a master of his craft.