All functions of the British Monarchy will be run from a small factory in Mumbai, after local efforts failed to keep costs to sustainable levels.

A spokesperson for the factory – which also makes t-shirts and outdoor settings for global department store chains – said his company could manufacture a sense of entitlement for a fraction of the cost of the British establishment.

“We can also assemble up to half a dozen official engagements an hour,” he added. He said only the most discerning members of the British public would notice any difference.

But critics of the plan say it is vital for Britain to maintain a manufacturing base for monarchs. “If there was an outbreak of official banquets, we’d be left quite vulnerable,” a source was quoted as saying.

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