No matter how you try, you will find no more than 2 or 3 images of Hillary Clinton’s rear. Not responsible for ‘popular’ Bing search terms at top of screen

America: Land of the Me + Home of the Vain

Is Hillary Clinton’s campaign memoir What Happened the worst book by a Presidential candidate ever?

Hillary Clinton doesn’t just exemplify American greed, amorality and award-winning mediocrity. She brings even worse things out in her adherents.

That’s a tweet from one of Hillary’s strongest online supporters, a lawyer who may or may not have a poly sci degree, Candice Aiston. I don’t think this message is meant ironically, nor do I think Aiston thinks anyone should be offended by it. As far as she’s concerned, these are great things to say to people and represents her idol’s ideals well.

Her idol, Hillary Clinton, has written one of the worst political memoirs — perhaps ever. What Happened is an historic achievement. Just not in quite the way its author imagines.

Hillary Clinton is not an average or mediocre writer, she’s bad. What Happened is a book of extraordinary vanity and negligible insight. It is the longest series of closing arguments by the losing side in the longest mock trial in world history. Clinton has been making arguments in defense of herself, her husband, and their group of adherents since the couple was in the Arkansas governor’s mansion in the 80s.

What Happened is so replete with minutiae and self-justification it’s hard to see the overall truth or theme. Readers are bludgeoned with details like Hillary’s Chipotle bowl from the day she says she chose to run for President a second time, or the exact hot sauce brands she favors. Food is frequently mentioned, from Goldfish snack flavors to a campaign food purveyor who made ‘natural’ or healthy foods for the group.

The overall theme is that a lady with similar character and distinction as a bad Country Club ladies auxiliary president, has been in the corridors of power in this nation since her husband was elected President in 1992. Clinton “knows everyone” from Henry Kissinger and Ronald Reagan to Vladimir Putin and Barack Obama, but writes that at the Trump inauguration, she couldn’t tell the difference between former member of Congress Jason Chaffetz and former RNC chair and White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus.

Everyone who’s ever been in junior high or the “ladies auxiliary” will know what Clinton is saying. “Oh those Republicans. I can’t tell the difference.”

She mentions Chaffetz in detail, including a photo she took with him in the interminable e-mail/Benghazi defense chapter, and emphasizes how he questioned her for 11 hours straight, yet was unable to determine she had done anything “wrong.”

We call him “Priebubus” (unknown why). All those white men look alike.

Clinton also asserts at length, using innuendo and circumstantial evidence such as holding the Miss Universe contest in Moscow, that Donald J. Trump is a traitor to the United States with Russia and Vladimir Putin.

Trump was criticizing Ronald Reagan’s foreign policy 30 years ago with his own money and hasn’t deviated from the same concept. It’s called “isolationism.” It’s one of the few points in favor of libertarians like Ron and Rand Paul. They don’t favor sending U.S. residents overseas to die for any rich man’s profit. They do have the same opinion as Muhammad Ali, who did jail time for refusing to fight in the Vietnam war. Clinton, in poor, tone-deaf taste, compares her electoral defeat and next-day concession speech, to Ali’s stay in in the same hotel after his loss to Joe Frazier.

There’s plenty to criticize Donald Trump about: a 30-year anti-war, isolationist stance isn’t it.

Clinton’s reminisces about the Trump inauguration emphasize how hard it was for her to attend the event. It was made a little easier by sitting with George W. Bush, she says.

She goes to great lengths to explain why there are so many images of her, Bill, and the Trump family out there, although they are not friends. Heck, she and Bill barely know Trump (who picked up the 2008 anti-Obama campaign slur against Barack Obama’s birth location and citizenship status from Clinton’s BFF Sidney Blumenthal with vigor). Blumenthal, whose gossipy intelligence emails to Clinton regarding Libya and Syrian insurgents and backchannel business opportunities served as linchpins in both the email and Benghazi investigations, is only thanked in an appendix to What Happened, not mentioned elsewhere.

My grandfather and grandmother both impressed upon me the importance of always telling the truth. “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”

So, I’ll leave it to readers to determine whether or not Clinton is being honest when she indicates she basically doesn’t know Donald J. Trump and certainly was never friendly with him.

That’s the whole book. It’s nothing but one thing like that after another. The only section that sounds convincing are brief reminisces about her mother. I also think, strangely, that Hillary “loves” Bill Clinton. Or, at least, has the strongest feelings for another human she can muster for him. I think she has some enjoyment of her young grandchildren (or at least knows she had better talk about them). I think she has some affection for her daughter.

Other than that, this lady is no one’s friend.

Others smarter than I have pointed out that the Clintons and others of their ilk violently and frequently accuse others of the exact things they, themselves, have done. What Happened has such accusations in every chapter.

Vladimir Putin and the former Soviet Union, with approximately 1/3 of the population of the United States, and fewer than 10 military bases around the world, as compared to the United States’ 800 bases, is no threat other than Russia’s possession of nuclear weapons.

In contrast, Clinton really did compare voters’ requests for #Medicare4All, #FreeCollege, #Peace, #EnvironmentalJustice and an end to #PoliceShootings through support for Bernie Sanders’ campaign with a child asking for a pony.

I didn’t write that passage, and Bernie Sanders didn’t write it, Hillary Clinton did.

I have seldom seen a book more in need of an editor than What Happened. Bernie’s pony or worse examples are on every page.

Lady, that pony died in Syria. It died in Libya. It died in Yemen. It is dying in Afghanistan while I type. Every person our military brought home or encouraged through their work internationally has had their dream crushed when they came to realize the American Dream meant they, us, all of us, lived only to fight, serve, slave and die for your governor’s mansion, for your White House, for your limousines, for your ceaseless, endless, vampirelike, unquenchable search for fealty, attention, praise.

I know why, too.

As was fairly widely reported, What Happened makes use of the daily devotional messages sent to Mrs. Clinton by her pastor, Bill Shillady. Clinton cannot adequately describe the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount, but she does take time to quote an inspirational message from Shillady.

This is probably a difference between the e-book version of What Happened and the hardcover. This excerpt takes care to note that the devotional was written by Pastor Matt Deuel, not Shillady. That’s because Shillady’s entire book Strong for a Moment Like This has been withdrawn from publication for reasons of massive plagiarism.

People have associated the Clintons with Southern Dixiecrats who just went undercover while Richard Nixon sucked a lot of officially racist white Southern politicians into the Republican party.

I’ve sat at ladies luncheons with this type of person for my entire life. My fiance’s mother was one of them. She said right in front of me, while her son was standing nearby, “I don’t want John to marry her because of her tainted blood.” Looking back at the dinner I had with the man who raped me and his parents, Washington D.C. resident wealthy socialites, I recall the open discussion of how little I looked like a Jew.

I really do not understand how anyone supports Hillary Clinton, listens to her endless self-justifications, or thinks there is anything good about her whatsoever.

She almost had me convinced she loved her mother and that she had love for Bill Clinton. Almost had me thinking somewhere inside of her, there was a human being deserving of some consideration and mercy.

We have fought this damn battle in this country for our entire history. We fight it in our world every day.

My God is it not time to put these people where they belong and live like human beings, with heads held high? Isn’t it time to stand up for all those who have died — not just Martin Luther King, Jr., not just the three Civil Rights workers whose murders Dick Gregory helped reveal, but Jack Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy — how many others? Every American killed in these endless, unceasing wars of profit. Every Native American lied to and cheated, land destroyed, forced in reservations. Lied about, disrespected, just like the Haitians.

In this book, Hillary brags that Clintons raised $500 million for Haiti relief. That is $350 million more than the officially reported figure. She knows they will never be held to account for any of it. To this day we still have official USAID videos blaming the Haitians for not getting benefit of huge sums of money because of their corruption. Not the Clintons, who stole it with their friends before the Caribbean nation ever saw a penny.

This is our dishonor as a nation. As a people. It is our mirror.

Hillary says she spent 600 hours on hair and makeup during her campaign. Everyone who works for a living knows how many weeks of fulltime work that amounts to. What portion of a fulltime year of work that is.

Hillary complains of Russian trolls and Putin’s attacks, yet somehow her team has managed to remove all but two or three pictures of her backside from the internet — no matter which search engine you use or what type of search term you put in, you can only see the same two or three photos of her rear end. There are none from the 2016 Democratic Convention she loved so much.

This isn’t what we thought as young people when wishing there would be a female President. But it is what we got as a candidate.

Most. Qualified. Ever.