ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has finally found peace this morning amid the chaos surrounding the coronavirus outbreak by thanking his old foe Peter Dutton for ruining his life 585 days ago.

As he sat in his canary yellow sea kayak in Sydney Harbour, Malcolm placed a phone call to the Christmas Island detention centre this morning and asked for Peter Dutton, who’s currently studying left-wing politics on the small overseas territory while in mandatory Covid-19 quarantine.

It’s understood by The Advocate that Malcolm and Peter had a short discussion, during which the former Member for Wentworth thanked Dutton for ruining his life.

“Christ, Peter,” said Malcolm.

“I’ve written – then deleted thousands of words of spiteful prose on the topic of you in my new book. For so long, I was just angry. I’d sit in my study and just stew on it. I sat on the end of my jetty, with my feet in the water listening to The War On Drugs, trying to find some answers for myself,”

“But now this has happened. Being Prime Minister now would be hell. Just look at Scott’s face a year ago to what it looks like now. Oh well,”

“Anyway, Peter. I’ve paddled from my house out to South Head listening to Coldplay’s X&Y top to bottom. I’m going to keep on paddling and see where the currents take me. To Valhalla.”

Our reporter spoke to a number of fo rock fishermen who said they saw Malcolm pull his headphones out and take his phone from the front pouch of his life jacket and cast it into the Tasman.

More to come.

