

Man, I like kids. I swear. Granted, I feel strange holding small babies out of fear I might drop them or accidentally throw them but, overall, I think babies are cool.

But this isn’t about that. This is about other peoples kids and the expectations they have towards the people around them. I don’t know if it’s my age or where I live or how people have decided to raise children in 2012/13 but I’ve never felt more like I’m living in a world for children. It’s subtle, but it’s there. I imagine few things have actually changed and that I’m just more acutely aware of kids and their parents now but it doesn’t feel that way. It just feels as if , now more than ever, the world is one big safe guarded living room being imposed by the judging eyes of young parents. I guess what I’m trying to say is: Be a good parent to your kids but don’t expect me , a stranger who lives on the same planet as you, to give a shit. Maybe that’s a touch harsh. Lemme explain.

As a man who has no kids, I realize I’m in no place to say anything about the subject. What do I know? All i know is what I see my friends with kids go through. A mixture of joy, hardship, profound love and many sleepless nights. For someone like myself, it is a daunting prospect as, not only am I generally selfish, but I’ve never been a fan of putting in a ton of work into anything (we call that “Lazy” in the biz). Most of the time, I barely feel like starting a new album, let alone a human life so it’s very much a “from the outside looking in” type deal for me. At least at the moment.



The other day, I was walking down the street. I came to a red light on 16th street and no cars were coming, so I crossed. I noticed a woman with two young children waiting for the light to change. She was doing the right thing. Aside from teaching her kids when to cross, she was also being very conscious of their safety. However, she shot me a shitty look like I just offered her 3 year old daughter an ecstasy pill at a rave. This is my issue. It’s YOUR job as a parent to raise your kids right. Lord knows that shit isn’t easy. Like I said, I can’t even fathom how hard it is. But it’s not my job to stop what I’ m doing at any time of my day to make your life easier. As n adult, in most situations, I have the right of way. You may get to board a plane first, but, at the same time, I can freely go about my life as if that kid you’re pushing in a stroller is not in the room. That’s not to say I wouldn’t help a mom with her hands full carry her groceries or help her carry a stroller down subway stairs. That’s just common decency. But the second you think, because you opted to bring a child into this world, that anyone else owes you anything beyond common decency, you can blow me.

I liken it to athletes being held up as role models by the media. That’s bullshit. They’re just some dudes that are gifted at a sport. It would be better if they didn’t snort lines off hookers tits and smoke crack but the bottom line is their only job is to be good at that sport. As a non-child haver, my only job is to not harm your child. That’s a pretty easy job for someone who’s not a complete psychopath.



A while back I wrote about how the over protective and entitled parents of the world were taking over. I spoke about playing in a game of 3 on 3 at a park and having a mother come ask us (6 grown adults) to stop playing so her 3 year old son could shoot on that hoop. She got laughed off the court but still…what parents have to understand is that , as adults, we get first pick. We are the ones who run things. The safety and well being of a child is of the upmost importance, but beyond that, everything is YOUR (the parents) issue to deal with. Your baby shit his pants and you need to change him? I’ll gladly let you cut in my line for the bathroom. But If you over hear me say a curse word in a restaurant during dinner and shoot me a dirty look? Eat shit , bro. This is grown ups talking. You wanna shelter your kid from that, throw him in a sound proof, germ proof hamster ball and feed him through tubes until he’s 12. Otherwise, just accept that this world doesn’t revolve around your child. Your life does, but not ours. ACCEPT IT. The same way we, as people without children, have to accept that kids on planes are just gonna be awful. It’s not their parents faults it’s just how it is. The same way, we as people without children, accept that when a friend’s baby is anywhere social, it is officially “The baby show” and all eyes , conversation and attention is to be paid to that baby the entire time. I have no problem with that cause, like i said before, I like babies. They are cute and them doing inane bullshit is actually entertaining sometimes. I just ask, as a trade off, that when it comes to raising your child you (the parents of the world) just realize that, on a larger scale, your baby should never be MY problem. That’s all. Is that crazy to assume? I dunno…Maybe I just need to go get a Vasectomy and live in an igloo or something.

