I woke up early on the day of my 30th wedding anniversary and made love with the beautiful man lying beside me. His eyes are bright and young and I love the way he smells in the morning. I love the way he moves his hips and I love to feel his well-toned body against mine.

My husband woke up that morning in our marital bed, alone. I have been having an affair for close to three years. My lover is also married, although he stopped sleeping with his wife two years ago. I continue having sex with my husband, but it’s a chore, not unlike a gynaecological exam.

I do it to keep the peace. I think if I refuse entirely, my marriage will end, and I’m not ready for that. I’m still financially dependent and it’s scary to think about a life alone after being married for 30 years.

So, I decided to look for a partner who would fulfill my need for sex in a way that didn’t feel like a debt or an obligation, and would recharge my battery instead of drain it.

I met my lover on an extramarital dating site. We enjoy lovely dinners, go for long walks, talk about everything and have beautiful sex. Then we go back to our lives. We never intended to fall in love with each other; we were just trying to ride out difficult patches in our marriages.

We speak about how nice it would be to spend more time together, and not to have to lie. Sadly, if I left my spouse, I suspect that my relationship with my lover would also end. The balance we have would no longer be even.

• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@guardian.com.

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