A STICKY TIME FOR THE TOFFEES … AGAIN

The screech of tyres you could hear all the way from John Lennon Airport on Thursday afternoon will have been the private jet of one Farhad Moshiri, touching down after his flight from Monaco in order to look Magic Marco Silva in the eye and, in all likelihood, hand him tickets for a trip to Do One City, population: you.

After Wednesday night’s debacle at Anfield – the first time Everton have conceded five against Liverpool since Culture Club were No 1 with, aptly enough, Do You Really Want To Hurt Me – the writing wasn’t so much on the wall as scrawled across the stratosphere in skywriting. From a blue perspective there’s an unfortunate skewed derby dynamic on Merseyside these days – it’s how Espanyol, 1860 Munich and Racing Club de Paris must feel – so there’s no shame in being duffed up by this Liverpool side.

But it’s not really supposed to be this way, Silva having been furnished with well over £110m of fresh talent this summer and £100m-worth of the same in 2018, and his whole top-flight career is beginning to smack of the emperor’s new clothes. Being charitable, Silva’s Premier League win percentage (33.7%) with Hull, Watford and Everton puts him up there with stalwarts like Alan Pardew (34%), Ailsa from Home and Away (33.9%) and Chris Coleman (32.9%). On the other hand, Silva’s Premier League win percentage (33.7%) with Hull, Watford and Everton puts him up there with stalwarts like Alan Pardew (34%), Ailsa from Home and Away (33.9%) and Chris Coleman (32.9%).

What next for the Goodison faithful, then? David Moyes, who bid the club a tearful farewell in 2013 after 11 years at the helm and has since gone on to have a storied and glorious time with Manchester United (11 months, sacked), Real Sociedad (12 months, sacked), Sunderland (10 months, resigned) and West Ham (six months, “We feel that it is right to move in a different direction”), is the frontrunner, which is something of a novelty for him.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I thought he was wearing a beige outfit to be honest. But then he ran out in front of a line of traffic. He put his parts on the bonnet of the car next to me. I have never seen anything like it” – a witness reports how traffic for the Merseyside derby got backed up when a naked man popped up on the West Derby Road before being detained by police.

TOP 100!

The countdown continues: from 100 to 11 on our 2019 list of the best female players in the world.

90 of them right here. Illustration: Guardian Design/Garry Blight

FIVER LETTERS

“When Everton were formed in the 19th century, they were known as St Domingo FC – named in honour of the patron saint of astronomers. Rather appropriately, the bewildered Blues left Anfield seeing stars” – Mark McFadden.

“Is Megan Rapinoe really sure she wants Cristiano Ronaldo involved in her fight against sexism (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs)? It seems a bit like asking Boris Johnson to join your campaign to promote contraception, or the use of lie detector machines, or, well, anything really” – Michael Hann.

“I see prize after prize being handed out for letters o’the day and it makes me wonder how these ‘lucky winners’ actually receive their prizes. Who in their right mind would disclose their home address to Weird Uncle Fiver for delivery of the prize? Maybe a covert handover under cover of darkness at a dimly-lit service station on the M25 or the parking garage of Fiver Towers instead?” – Lars Gaertner.

“Re: yesterday’s Fiver letters and Johnny Mac’s shameless yet successful plea to be awarded letter o’the day in order to secure a Christmas gift for his long-suffering father (who I’m guessing would probably prefer the Tin in any case). Can I ask not to be considered for letter o’the day? I think both me and my old man treasure the moment every Christmas when I tell him I was going to get him something, but just didn’t get round to it, and he tells me it’s the thought that counts, son. Christmas is all about tradition after all” – Mick Ward.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Mark McFadden, who bags a copy of Forgotten Nations. We’ve still got more prizes to give away, so get scribbling.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Defiant Corriere dello Sport suits have defended its front-page headline “Black Friday”, which featured Romelu Lukaku and Chris Smalling as the former Manchester United players prepare to face each other in Serie A on Friday. In the face of universal condemnation, the paper’s director Ivan Zazzaroni parped: “If you don’t understand it, it’s because you can’t do that.”

The state of it. Photograph: Handout

The Football League insists it has sufficient evidence to charge Sheffield Wednesday with misconduct over the sale of Hillsborough, after the Owls claimed the charges were “unlawful”.

Macclesfield’s players and staff say Saturday’s League Two match against Crewe will not go ahead. “This is down to the fact that salaries have not been paid for last month,” read a statement. “We have not trained as a squad since last Thursday due to the fact we have no training ground but, most importantly, the game can’t go ahead for the emotional and mental wellbeing of the players which is currently rock bottom.”

Andros Townsend has revealed he lost £46,000 in one night while struggling with a gambling addiction.

Virgil van Dijk reckons the five changes Jürgen Klopp made to Liverpool’s XI for the Merseyside derby shows the squad is deep enough to cope with the rigours of the title race. “Look at Divock, Shaqiri, they did fantastic,” he cheered. “Everyone is contributing and we need everyone. The season is very long.”

And West Ham are ready to get shot of goalkeeping flop Roberto and wouldn’t be fussed if director of football Mario Husillos also decided to Do One.

STILL WANT MORE?

For Liverpool, rivalry with Everton is a matter of history not a current concern, writes Jonathan Liew.

A fan’s-eye view at the football – Tottenham Hotspur fan Martin Andersen’s delightful photo essay.

Some limbs, a good while earlier. Photograph: Martin Andersen

The Nasty Leeds fan making the city beautiful – one electric box at a time.

Dixie Dean, Denis Law and badly-timed boos – it must be this week’s Classic YouTube.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

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How are Arsenal doing, boss? It’s the latest David Squires cartoon. And you can buy a copy of it right here.

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