Can I talk to youabout Eric? Cartman? Okay... I just wanna make surehe's all right. What do you mean? I don't even know ifI should be saying this but... Eric said he was thinking aboutkilling himself.What? We broke up, and he calledsaying he was about to do it. I'm stillreally scared for him. Wait, Cartman said he was gonna kill himself? I'll send you the voicemail ifyou promise to keep it private. Totally. [ Laughter ]Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Cartman: You have to take me back! You have to! I'm gonna kill myself, Heidi! [ Laughter ] I'll kill myself, and then you'll be sorry! You'll wish you could have me back, but I'll be dead! [ Laughter ] Please, Heidi! Please! Okay, okay. Really cool listeningto people's private voicemails. You sound likea dying pig. [ Laughter ] That's great! I'm glad you guysthink suicide is so funny! [ Laughter ]

[ Nervous jittering ] Hey, Tweek.Aah! How's it goingwith the fidget spinner? Great!You seema lot less anxious. Things arefinally turning around for my littlehomosexual son. [ Loud blast in distance ] What is that?!I'm not sure. Aah! Aah! [ Screams ] Man: Yet no agreementhas been reached between the parties involved. Breaking news nowout of Colorado, where the North Koreansappear to have fired a missile over Tweek's house.-[ Screams ] Tweek, of course,the young boy who got the attentionof Kim Jong Un last week. The news media in North Korea is calling the missile testa victory for its people. [ Speaking in Korean ] Translator: Today the greatcountry of North Korea... has proven its determinationand fortitude... by successfully firing a missileover Tweek's house. Perhaps now Tweek...-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Why's this happening to me?! They have to knowthis isn't my fault! In responseto the North Korean test, the presidentof the United States has just tweetedthis statement -- "You really thinkTweek is scared? Tweek will single handedlygo to North Korea and [bleep] all you slanty eyedbitches doggy style. What?!Why would he say that?! Man:The president also tweeted -- "If you even think Tweekis worried about a bunch of dipshit poor assthird world rice pickers, think again." Oh, my God!What is he doing?! -Tweek, Tweek. Calm down!-why won't he just stop?! Why? Tweek! Tweek,h-here's your fidget spinner! Why does hekeep making it worse?! Your fidget spinner, Tweek!Come on, son! Aah! Focus onthe fidget spinner.

♪♪ Oh, geez, looks like North Korealaunched another missile. Oh, really, like another test?Where are you looking? I'm on Drudge. You see what the presidenttweeted about it? -No, what'd he say?-The president tweeted "North Koreais the butthole of Asia and -- Innocent child! Aah![ Tires screech ] Aah! [ Glass shatters, body thudsin slow motion ] [ Splattering ] [ Crying ]I know.I know, it's so sad. Well, how nice.That's a little more like it. Well, guys, what happened?Change of heart? Yeah, you didn't hear? Gary Borkovec got ran overby a distracted driver. What?!Gary Borkovec? Is he dead? Yeah, dude, he's dead. Oh, that son of a bitch. I'm gonna talkto the principal! Put down the candle,Kenny! Like you ever gave a shitabout Gary Borkovec! [ Knocking ]

Entrée vous. PC Principal, I'm trying toraise suicide awareness, but everyone's preoccupied with this "don't be on yourphone when driving" crap. Gary Borkovecwas a good student. He didn't deserveto be taken away by someone not paying attentionto the road. Yes, but Gary Borkovecis already dead. There's nothingwe can do for him. Students need to focus on people thinking about dying. I don't knowwhat more you want from me, bro. I can't just get people to carewith a stupid rap song. I need a full orchestra --woodwinds, strings -- I need black peoplein white robes, white peoplein black robes, and a thousand dovesto release into the air. I can give you two studentvolunteers and one pigeon. Do you have any ideahow serious this is? As someone who dealswith suicidal thoughts, I cannot believe the lackof concern at this school! Maybe I should just takethe awareness of my suicide out to the publicon the streets! Maybe you should. Maybe I will! Maybe you should.Maybe I will!

[ Screams ] Ugh. [ Sighs ] Hey, Tweek. Look at what the presidenttweeted now! What time is it, dude? Just read it! "North Korea doesn't havethe balls to attack Tweek. They havelittle tiny rice balls." They're gonna get me, Craig!Look at what's on CNN! And the President's tweetshave certainly caught the attention of North Korea, who have been spendingthe past several days viewing possible targetsfor a nuclear strike if war were to break out... [ Screams ]What am I gonna do?! You gotta calm down. How am I supposedto calm down?! North Korea is gonna get me! They're gonna get me!Tweek. Tweek. Tweek. Let's thinkthis through logically. North Korea isn't goingto attack anyone, okay? They're not going to starta war they can't win. Okay? But, Craig, I --Tweek. You have to stop thinkingabout it. Tell you what,we're gonna go somewhere fun and make you feel better.

Give a minute of your timefor suicide awareness? Suicide is serious. Help tell people like Kyleit's not a joke. Hey, good for you guys,trying to help. Yeah, make sure everyoneyou know gets involved or else I'm gonna do it. We're getting a lotof attention, Eric. Our website's alreadyfull of kids saying they feelthe same way as you and want to get help. They want to get help?For what? For wanting to taketheir own lives. No, this is about mekilling myself. But, babe, there's a lot of kidswho feel the same way you do. They're full of shit,Heidi. They're just tryingto get attention. What, are you actually talkingonline to these asswipes?! I thought this was about raisingawareness and helping people. So you're just gonna e-mail with every every guywho has a dick and a deathwish? Are we just your type? Eric, come on.No, look, Heidi. I'm sorry, but you're the onewho started all this by telling everybodythat I was suicidal. Okay? Now I'm undera lot of pressure to do it. So the only option I haveis to make sure that suicide preventionbecomes this entire town's number-one priority! Oh, God, did you see what the President saidabout Asians now? Look out! [ Screams ] Oh, are you freakin'serious?

Okay, babe,what do you wanna ride first? Ugh!What are we doing here, Craig? We're gonna get your mindoff politics and have some fun. Now, what's yourfavorite ride? The Ferris wheel! [ Laughs ] Isn't this lovely, Tweek?Just look at that view. [ Cellphone chimes ] [ Gasps ]Oh, God! Another tweetfrom the president! Oh, come on. "Why would the U.S. be scaredof North Korea? Tweek is so not scaredhe's at an amusement park in Denver right now." [ Gasps ]Jesus Christ! We gotta get outta here! Tweek!Tweek, use your brain. North Korea isn't goingto attack an amusement park. You're safer herethan anywhere. Oh, geez. The president just calledKim Jong-un a fat midget. Oh, and now North Koreais saying that they're gonna -- Dad, look out! Oh, shit! [ Woman screams ] [ Screams ] Ride attendant: All right, everyone, please wait for your bumper cars to come to a complete stop. We hope you enjoyed Crazy Cars -- Mommy, look out![ Screams ] Oh, my God,what is that?! What is that?! It's probably nothing.Everything's fine. Will you please stopsaying that?! I can't take it! I'm tryingto make you feel better. Well, maybe I don't wannafeel better right now! Okay, but think about that. That actually doesn't makeany sense. Why do you have to beso logical?! I don't need youto problem-solve all the time, I need you to -- Agh!I don't know! Tweek, honey, all week,you've been freaking out, and I've been the oneforced to deal with it. You haven't been dealingwith it, you've been tryingto make it go away because my emotionsare freaking you out! [ People scream ] Tweek, North Koreaisn't bombing anyone. They would losethe support of China, and that would be --There you go again! Stop preaching factsto me! It's not what I need! Well, I'm sorry thatI'm actually in control of my goddamn emotions,ya baby! Oh, see, now you made me losecontrol of my emotions. God damn it. [ Grumbling ] [ Screams ]

♪♪ ♪♪ [ Knocking ]Entrée. Yes, Eric.How can I help you? I don't thinkkids at this school take suicide seriously enoughand we need to raise awareness. Well,unfortunately this week is Distracted DrivingAwareness Week at school, so you might havea hard time. Distracted driving?Who gives a shit about that? A lot of people. There's more deaths nowbecause of people on their phones while drivingthan ever before. PC Principal,someone's life is at stake. If I have to competewith distracted driving, then that's what I'll do.

[ Locker door slams ]Aah! Tweek.Aah! Dude, come on.You got to settle down. I can't settle down!We're all gonna die! We're not all gonna die.You're overreacting. Everything's fine, okay?[ Cellphone pings ] Oh, God!The president just tweeted that North Korea doesn't havethe guts to attack us! Why would he say that?!He's making everything worse! Tweek...But North Koreansare gonna think we all agreewith the president! Okay, so how about you writeyour congressman a letter. That won't help anything!North Korea wants us dead! Okay, so write a letterto the North Koreans. I can't write in Korean and they all thinkwe're war-hungry anyway! Okay, well, then why don't youjust send something nice to the North Koreans.[ Groans ] It'll make you feel better,babe. Send something like what?!I dunno, like, make them somecroissants or something. I don't knowhow to make croissants! Well,what do you know how to make? Mm...cupcakes! All right, go homeand make some cupcakes, honey. Okay!

All right, everyone.Listen up. Today we're going to havea performance by one of our studentswho has written a song. The song is about his feelings towards the current politicalclimate with North Korea. Put your hands togetherfor Tweek. [ Applause ] [ Piano keys clanging ] [ Screaming ] We're all gonna die! They have nuclear missiles!Aah! Aah! Why are you just sitting theredoing nothing?! we have to get out of here! North Koreawants to kill us all and our presidentkeeps making it worse! Why are you alljust sitting there?! Why are all actinglike nothing's wrong?! North Korea is going to bomb us!We are all dead! We have to do something!Do something! Do something! [ Screams ] All right, next upwe have Hannah Williams with her renditionof "Wheels on the Bus." [ Crying ] ♪ The wheels onthe bus go round and round ♪

Talk toall the grownups you know about staying off theirmobile devices when they get behindthe wheel. Hey, guys --got a second to help stop distracted driving? Thanks.-Hey, guys -- [ Music playingover intercom ] Cartman: Hey, guys, let's a take a minute and talk about suicide prevention. There's probably someone right now at this school thinking about killing himself, and it's not funny. You better take it serious or he might actually do it. ♪ I've been feelin' sad,I've been bein' sad ♪ ♪ Can't talk to my mom,don't even have a dad ♪ ♪ I can't go on,what is living for? ♪ ♪ My heart screams"I don't wanna live no more" ♪ ♪ Eric,we don't want you to die ♪ ♪ Eric, give life a try ♪ Eric,we don't want you to die ♪ ♪ Eric, oh, God, no, Eric [ Echoing ]I don't wanna live no more! ♪ But Eric,we don't want you die ♪ ♪ You're so cool,we'd be sad at school ♪ ♪ Yeah, but you guys,you don't understand ♪ ♪ With my girlfriend, it'slike I'm living in quicksand ♪ ♪ Conflicting thoughts, I needa battered wives' shelter ♪ ♪ my girlfriend is messed up,but all I wanna do is help her ♪ ♪ I'm suffocating,I'm drowning in sorrow ♪ ♪ Gonna kill myself prob'lyaround 2:30 tomorrow ♪ ♪ But, Eric,we don't want you to die ♪ ♪ Eric, give life a try Everybody! ♪ Eric,we don't want you to die ♪ ♪ Eric, oh, God, no, Eric But it's so hard! ♪ Eric,we don't want you to die ♪ Only you guyscan make a difference. I don't care if you're black,white, gay, straight or trans, I am going to kill myself unless you allstart taking it seriously. ♪ Eric, please don't die... Distracted drivingmy asshole.

Tonight, one of our studentshas put together a song about a very important issue. It's a song about howthere are certain times to not be on your phone. I hope you all listen carefully. [ Somber piano music plays ] ♪ People are dying ♪ The fault is our own ♪ You can do lots of damage ♪ When you're on your phone ♪ We all have to agree ♪ To change it somehow ♪ Let's all make a pledgeto end it right now ♪ ♪ Put it down ♪ Don't be on your phone ♪ While being President ♪ Put it down ♪ You might do something dumb ♪ And cause an accident ♪ Let's all agree here today ♪ That if we're leaderof the USA ♪ ♪ We'll put it down If at any point today,you're being a president, put down your mobile device. ♪ Put it down If I'm on the phone,I will not get behind the desk of an oval office. ♪ Put it down I'll take the pledge! I'll take the pledge! And I'll take the pledge. ♪ No one cares What's that?I was just elected president? Well, then, goodbye! ♪ Put it downif you're President today ♪ ♪ If you find yourselfbeing President today ♪ Hey Brian, look!I was just elected President. That's great, Nancy.Now, put down your phone. Right! ♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah-ah-ah,put it down ♪ [ Rapping ]♪ Give a standing ovationfor suicide in our nation ♪ ♪ Or I will rip my own guts outwithout one hesitation ♪ ♪ Dedication,that's what it's taken ♪ ♪ To waken people to care ♪ And still my future'sso hazy ♪ ♪ My girlfriend'smaking me crazy ♪ ♪ But stillI'm working so hard ♪ ♪ You know,just trying to hold on ♪ ♪ Cuz I know that you don'tmiss me so much if I was gone ♪ ♪ And all the voicesstart solo ♪ ♪ But every day,I hear them grow ♪ ♪ Saying, Eric, don't do it ♪ Don't do it, nooooo ♪ Put it down ♪ Don't be on your phonewhile being president ♪ ♪ Put it down ♪ You might do something dumband cause an accident ♪ ♪ We all agree here today ♪ That if we're leaderof the USA ♪ ♪ We'll put it down ♪ Put it down I'm not gonna do it,you guys! It worked!I'm not gonna do it!

He's freaking everybody outat school. What am I supposed to do?He's your boyfriend, dude. He's notgonna listen to me. He never doeswhen he's emotional. Craig, let me tell youabout relationships, okay? If you don't havesome [bleep] balls, you're not going toget anywhere. Doesn't matter if they'regay balls or straight balls, if you don't take controlof your side of a relationship, you'll getwalked all over --Hey, babe.How you doing? Oh, hey, baby.What's going on? We still on for recess?Yup, I'll be there. 'Kay, babe.Love you. I thought you saidyou broke up with Heidi. I decided to give herone more chance. But you saidshe was mentally abusive. Shementally abusive. So then why did youtake her back? Because she saidshe was gonna kill herself. All right, guys? There. I broke up with her, and shecalled me, being all like, "I can't live without you. I'm scared what I'm gonna do tomyself. Oh, God." The bitch is crazy.What am I supposed to do?

[ Nervous jittering ] Huh? Oh! A young homosexual boyknown only as Tweek has touchedthe hearts of many by sending cupcakesto the North Korean government. The little rascalapparently made a dent with the North Korean dictator, who is said to have lovedthe cupcakes so much that he is startedto make his own -- Oh! Ahh.[ Cellphone pings ] Huh?! "U.S. Presidentresponds to cupcakes..." The human interestcupcake story has apparently be heardby the president. Just moments ago,the president tweeted, "I know that kid Tweek. He's [bleep] with you,North Korea. Get a clue. I'll bet he took a dumpin the batter." [ Screams ]What?! Why would he say that?! Tweek, calm down. The president!He tweeted about me! Why would he do that?!Did you see that?! Yes, I did see that. So I went and got you somethingto make things better. What?!It's a fidget spinner. It's supposed to helpwith anxiety. See? A fidget spinner?! Did you readwhat the president tweeted?! [ Cellphone pings ]Woman: The presidentof the United States just tweeted again,this time saying -- "I hope all children of Americawill stand with Tweek in saying, 'Go ahead and bomb us,Kim Jong Dong, we [bleep] dare you!'" [ Screams ]