I’ve never understood the sports calendar business. Ten days before Christmas I can turn to my wife and say “What the hell are we going to get my parents?” and five days later a completed calendar arrives from Shutterfly with up-to-date photos of our children frolicking across the pages. And yet if you own the 2012 San Francisco 49ers calendar, and it’s open to January right now, the featured player is Nate Clements.

Nate Clements?! A player who was released by the 49ers last July, was a pretty obvious candidate to get jettisoned before that, and hasn’t played a down with the team since 2010.

Sports calendars are often woefully outdated, which can be understandable given the deadline issues. Who knew that Jason Campbell — Mr. January in the Raiders calendar — would get hurt in November and be replaced by Carson Palmer? Jonathan Sanchez and Andres Torres (*sniff*), traded in November and December, are featured in the 2012 San Francisco Giants calendar.

But I’ve never seen a more depressingly out-of-date sports calendar than the current Oakland A’s version. I would offer this as a gift to an Oakland A’s fan only if I wanted to watch them burst into tears. It’s a month-by-month reminder of the organization’s lack of ability to retain winning players. And they’re selling it online at the A’s store. For full price.

Due to trades, an injury and a firing, it’s guaranteed that 5 of the 11 players plus the manager featured in the calendar will not start the season with the Oakland A’s. At least two more could easily start the season in the minor leagues, and two more are candidates for a mid-season salary dump. Here’s a month-by-month breakdown, with 2011 major league stats for players still with the team.

THE 2012 OAKLAND A’s CALENDAR

January — Cliff Pennington: .264 batting average, 8 home runs, 14 stolen bases.

February — Ryan Sweeney: TRADED

March — Dallas Braden: 1-1 record, 3.00 ERA

April — Kurt Suzuki: .237 average, 14 HR, 44 RBI

May — Daric Barton: .212 average, 0 HR, 2 SB

June — Trevor Cahill: TRADED

July — Chris Carter: .136 average, 0 HR, 0 SB, 20 strikeouts in 44 at bats

August — Andrew Bailey: TRADED

September — Tyson Ross: 3-3 record, 2.75 ERA

October — Manager Bob Geren: FIRED

November — Gio Gonzalez: TRADED

December — Brett Anderson: DISABLED LIST

(Anderson, who had Tommy John surgery, could be back some time around mid-season.)

Stunningly, the one Oakland A who will certainly stick with the team through 2012 is not on the calendar. Apparently the scorching June 7 major league debut of Jemile Weeks was too late for deadline. In retrospect, the safest move would have been to make the entire calendar about Jemile Weeks. Jemile Weeks hitting. Jemile Weeks fielding. Jemile Weeks buying a Sprite at the vending machine …

I checked the name of the calendar-maker, and it couldn’t have been better: Perfect Timing Inc. Needless to say, this year I will be getting my A’s fan friends the Home Field Advantage Tapestry instead.

PETER HARTLAUB is the pop culture critic at the San Francisco Chronicle and founder/editor of The Big Event. He takes requests. Contact him at phartlaub@sfchronicle.com. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/peterhartlaub. Follow The Big Event on Facebook.