A report allegedly compiled by an ex-British-intelligence agent claims that Donald Trump once paid Russian sex workers to perform golden showers on one another, and participated in sex parties in St. Petersburg, among other lurid accusations.

Kinky stuff.

From the report:

“Trump’s unorthodox behavior in Russia over the years has provided the authorities there with enough embarrassing material on the now Republican presidential candidate to be able to blackmail him if they so wished.”

The report, which can be read in its entirety here, also goes into detail about Trump’s financial dealings in Russia. It also discusses the Clinton emails, and at one point mentions that Putin was not pleased that the emails did not do enough to damage Clinton’s campaign.

I’m taking all of this with a grain of salt, but it sure is fucking hilarious. And really, does Donald Trump not seem like the type of dude who would pay Russian hookers to piss all over each other? I’d find it harder to believe he’s never done that.

And if this report is true, it gives new meaning to the phrase, “Putin’s bitch.”