“That’s how the world works. A lot of people get opportunities because of who their parents are. Cindy Crawford’s daughter is now a model. Andrew Cuomo's father was the governor of New York before him. And do you think Harry Potter would have gotten all that attention if it wasn’t for his famous wizard parents?” — TREVOR NOAH “Donald Trump Jr. just got paid $50,000 to give a speech at a college. If he wasn’t Donald Trump’s son, why else would they be asking him to speak, huh? To share his expertise on bad beards?” — TREVOR NOAH “Even with their dad in office, the Trumps are still growing their business in places like India, Philippines, Indonesia, Uruguay — they’re all over the world. It’s like ‘The Amazing Race’ with no running and no chins.” — TREVOR NOAH “I know for a fact, I know, the only reason I got to where I am today is probably because my great-great-grandfather built the ark.” — TREVOR NOAH

Still No Art, Still No Deal

The White House shared a letter that President Trump sent to President Recep Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey last week, urging him not to invade Syria. It began, “Dear Mr. President: Let’s work out a good deal!” “As if he’s running a Honda dealership or something,” Jimmy Kimmel observed.

“So he sent that letter on Oct. 9th. Erdogan immediately sent his tanks across the border. So it was insane and ineffective, which is the art of the deal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL “And you know, it’s funny, because on this very day on Oct. 16 — 57 years ago — the Cuban missile crisis started, and this letter from Trump is eerily similar to a letter J.F.K. sent Khrushchev when we found out the Soviets were putting nukes in Cuba. Well, he wrote, at that time: ‘Dear Premier Khrushchev, don’t be a [expletive], O.K.? Get your missiles out of Cuba. Everybody will say, ‘Yay, Cruise Ship! You’re the best.’ But if you don’t, everybody will be like, ‘What an [expletive]’ and call your garbage country ‘The Soviet Bunion.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (LeBron in China Edition)

“Yes, LeBron James is getting a lot of heat for not taking a stand against China and their oppression, with people even burning his jersey in Hong Kong. Which, by the way, if the N.B.A. kept statistics of most jerseys burned, I think LeBron would dominate that, too. Yeah, yeah, Hong Kong burned his jersey, Cleveland burned his jersey, Miami burned his jersey. Like, forget Nike: LeBron should be sponsored by Kingsford lighter fluid.” — TREVOR NOAH “And you know, normally, I would agree that N.B.A. players shouldn’t have to know the intricacies of East Asia policy, but at the same time, Dennis Rodman is basically the U.S. ambassador to North Korea, so I don’t know what the rules are anymore.” — TREVOR NOAH “I also understand why people think LeBron’s comments were insensitive or misguided — but at the same time, I get where he’s coming from. Yeah. Because the Houston Rockets G.M. slammed China on Twitter when LeBron was on his way to China. So LeBron was probably like, ‘Hey, man, start this beef after I leave. What’s wrong with you, man? I’m going there.’ Because I would do the same thing. Like, if you asked me in China what I thought about China’s policies, I would be like, ‘I think China has policies, and they’re the policies that allow me to fly home from China.’” — TREVOR NOAH

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Kimmel asked Jennifer Aniston about her astonishingly successful Instagram debut.