There are portions of American cities where insufferable, Axe-Body-Spray-laden douchebags are not welcome, according to Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal.

The Republican railed against the existence of these so-called “no-bro zones” Thursday, claiming local government and law enforcement agencies have ceded control to roving bands of relatively tasteful citizens who shun devotees of the douchebag lifestyle.

“Right now in the United States, including here in Louisiana, there are entire neighborhoods where it’s not safe for preening young men who brag about their imported cars but only drink cheap domestic beer,” Jindal said. “That’s because the authorities in those areas have given up control to radical enforcers of decency.”

Many of these young men think I’m doing an awesome job as governor and should seek higher office. Maybe that’s because they’re too busy reading Maxim and watching UFC fights to know any better.

Jindal claimed that these typically younger white males — who sometimes don multiple layers of colorful polo shirts with all the collars popped up, frequently enjoy listening to bands like Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park, and invariably think Dane Cook is the greatest comedic genius of all time — often face harsh retribution in these douchebag-free enclaves.

“It is wholly un-American to have portions of our sovereign land turned into no-bro zones, where ordinary citizens dare not tread merely because they fail to realize that wearing Tapout gear to a funeral is wrong on multiple levels,” Jindal explained. “Besides, many of these same young men think I’m doing an awesome job as governor and should seek higher office. Maybe that’s because they’re too busy reading Maxim and watching UFC fights to know any better. I really don’t know.”

Meanwhile, the governor’s critics have disputed his claims and the very existence of these no-bro zones, insisting that they’re a myth. They say that Jindal is merely fanning the flames of anti-douchebag intolerance to garner more support among the douchebag community for a likely 2016 presidential campaign.

It’s an assertion Jindal wholeheartedly rebukes.

“There absolutely are no-bro zones in this country,” Jindal stated emphatically. “Timmy Teeple told me someone told him he heard about them on Spike TV, which means they are 100% real.”