In two weeks, I leave for a six-month trip abroad. I bought a Nexus 7 to act as my primary computer. I heard T-Mobile has the best worldwide data plan and was excited to try it out. While installing the SIM, their sales rep broke the mic on my tablet. I was amazed by how poorly they dealt with the situation. Here’s what happened and what I learned about how T-Mobile cares for its customers.

The Cheat Sheet

Do not admit fault. Tell the customer they can’t prove the microphone was working when they came to the store. If they don’t go away, say, “We’re sorry you had a bad experience.” Don’t mention that T-Mobile caused that experience, and definitely do not say, “We’re sorry we broke your tablet’s microphone.”

Tell the customer they can’t prove the microphone was working when they came to the store. If they don’t go away, say, “We’re sorry you had a bad experience.” Don’t mention that T-Mobile caused that experience, and definitely do not say, “We’re sorry we broke your tablet’s microphone.” Shift the cost to a third party. Is the device under warranty? Ask them to fix it through the warranty for manufacturer defects. Did they just buy the device? Ask them to return it.

Is the device under warranty? Ask them to fix it through the warranty for manufacturer defects. Did they just buy the device? Ask them to return it. Lie. Say, the tablet had issues before it got to the store, the customer told you so. Assert that they told you to stick the SIM eject tool into the microphone hole.

Say, the tablet had issues before it got to the store, the customer told you so. Assert that they told you to stick the SIM eject tool into the microphone hole. Avoid a record of the issue . Do not record it in T-Mobile’s electronic system. Instead, write the complaint on a piece of paper—this looks good and no one needs to know it happened.

. Do not record it in T-Mobile’s electronic system. Instead, write the complaint on a piece of paper—this looks good and no one needs to know it happened. Make the process hard and hope they give up. Tell them we’ll get back to them in 24 to 48 hours, and do not respond to their emails. They’ll give up or have to spend more time and effort chasing us down. Tell them we’ll talk, but only after they get quotes for fixing the microphone from a repair store, and after they’ve asked the Google Play Store to fix it, and after they’ve asked the manufacturer to fix it.

Tell them we’ll get back to them in 24 to 48 hours, and do not respond to their emails. They’ll give up or have to spend more time and effort chasing us down. Tell them we’ll talk, but only after they get quotes for fixing the microphone from a repair store, and after they’ve asked the Google Play Store to fix it, and after they’ve asked the manufacturer to fix it. Offer credit rather than money. When all else fails, do not offer to fix or replace the tablet. Do not offer cash. Offer T-Mobile credit. If they want the credit, they’ll be forced to be our customer.

The Story

I take my Nexus 7 to the T-Mobile store at 50 Powell Street in San Francisco, California. I tell Josh, the sales rep, that I want a SIM card for my tablet. I point to the SIM eject slot. He inserts his Apple SIM eject tool into the slot. It’s too short and doesn’t eject the tray.

“Are you sure that’s the SIM hole?” he asks.

Before I answer, he pushes the tool into the microphone slot.

“Nope. That’s not it,” he realizes.

I should’ve known.

A few minutes later, we’ve installed the SIM card. I thank Josh, and he tells me, “You’ll receive a text message asking about your experience at the store. I’d appreciate it if you gave me all fives.”

When I get back to my office, I realize I should test my microphone. It’s dead.

I call Josh and tell him he broke the mic on my tablet. He says they’re just a retail store and can’t do anything. Call customer care.

I call customer care and explain the situation.

“Can you return it to the Apple Store?”

“Um…, it’s not an iPad. Also, why should Apple pay for T-Mobile’s mistake?”

“You’ll have to take care of it through the store. Sorry.”

I walk back to the T-Mobile store and ask to speak with a manager. Jeff looks eager to help. He asks me questions and writes the answers on a Post-it.

“What is the make and model? How much did you buy it for? Is it still covered under warranty? We don’t have a standard policy for dealing with these issues. I’ll discuss it with our district manager. He typically responds in 24–48 hours. In the meantime, get some quotes for fixing the microphone.”

A couple days and a couple of emails later, I’ve heard nothing from Jeff. I go back to the T-Mobile store, but Jeff’s not there, so I talk to another manager, Ron. He calls a local electronics repair store.

“You’re in luck! The Nexus 7 is Google’s flagship product. They’ll fix it for you for free. They won’t even ask you where and when you bought it.”

“That’s not right. You’re asking me to make Google pay for your company’s mistake. I expect T-Mobile to replace my tablet.”

Ron politely but firmly cuts me off. “Talk to Google first, then we can discuss other options.”

The next day, I spend thirty minutes with a Google representative. I change my settings, reboot my tablet, do a factory reset. The mic is still broken. The rep says, sorry, but your device is not under warranty. Try calling the manufacturer.

I spend the next twenty minutes on the phone with a representative from ASUS. The device isn’t under warranty, so I’ll have to pay ASUS to get it fixed. He estimates that it will cost $100.

I go to the T-Mobile store for the third time since they broke my mic. Jeff says, “We can’t know that the mic was working when you brought the device in. You said you purchased it used and that you were experiencing other issues with it, like with the video camera.”

“Whoa! Wait a second. Yes, I got it used, but I never said I had issues with it. I had it for one day before I brought it to you guys, and it worked perfectly. Plus, the vendor protects buyers against defective products. If the mic or the camera were broken, I would’ve returned it. Let’s talk to Josh. Josh, did you stick your SIM tool into the mic hole?”

“Yes, but only because you asked me to.”

He’s lying too! I’m shocked they’re using such a dirty tactic to shirk their responsibilities.

“The best we can offer you is $40 in credit, as a courtesy.”

A courtesy? Clearly Jeff will do nothing more to resolve this situation. I write to the district manager, Max, and explain the situation to him. I don’t want to wait for a response, so the next morning, I call customer care and talk to a customer care manager. She says there’s no record of this issue on my account. Well played, Jeff. I’m on the phone for another 45 minutes before she tells me that I have to work it out with the district manager.

The following Monday, I get an email from the district manager. His emails carry scary legal warnings so I won’t say much about them. He offers me $70 in T-Mobile credit. I tell him that is unacceptable. We write back and forth over the next four days. He refuses to put me in touch with his manager, but assures me that they both agree that $100 in T-Mobile credit is fair and the best they can do.

The Final Offer

On Tue, Mar 3, 2015 at 2:38 PM, from me to Max, the district manager: Suppose I owned a parking garage. To maximize my profits, I want to pack in as many cars as possible. In doing so, I might damage some cars. If I never have to compensate my customers for the damage in full, I would have a financial incentive to pack cars in at the risk of damaging them. T-Mobile has damaged my device in its efforts to maximize profit. I will go to great lengths to make sure T-Mobile does not have a financial incentive to continue such poor practices.

I did not accept their offer. If I did, T-Mobile would still think, the risk is worth the reward. The next time they damaged a customer’s device, they would find it profitable to put them through the same wringer they put me through. If the customer drops out of the process sooner than I did, T-Mobile gets away with a discount on their liabilities. This article is my small effort to make their immoral business practices unprofitable. If you’d like to help me, please retweet and share this article with your friends. Thanks for reading!