It was only a few months ago that China’s State Administration of Radio, Film, and Television vowed to rid itself of programming that promotes “money worship, hedonism, and extreme individualism” as well “abusing one's powers, fakery, unprincipled acts, and harming others for profit”—or as it’s known by one of many names here in America, Gossip Girl. Nevertheless, a group of Chinese producers—with the help of that show’s producers Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage—is developing a Mandarin-language remake of the show, tentatively titled China Girl (presumably because Propaganda Girl is already the name of a local newscast). And to those concerns over defying the nation’s edict against programming that promotes unhealthy capitalist behavior instead of healthy obedience and fish, China Girl says, “Oh baby, just you shut your mouth.”


After all, the U.S. has already given it television, it’s given it eyes of blue, and it’s ruined everything it is—most recently by turning Gossip Girl into an online obsession among class-obsessed Chinese teens. And the adaptation will at least put script approval under the jurisdiction of the State Authority, which has already done away with one Western fantasy by making the show’s insanely rich, manipulative young socialites who have tons of free time to party and think about themselves into college students rather than high school kids. And of course, these students will also get into far less risqué situations, with the official show description saying they now start out “confused and lost, however over time, they discover who they really are and eventually find the right path to pursue their dreams.” Said dreams being, of course, focusing on their studies, maintaining productivity, and honoring their leaders while respecting the class systems that clearly delineate their predetermined social statuses. XOXO China Girl.