This is the strangest opinion piece I’ve ever written, but while watching Episode 2 of Season Six’s Game of Thrones, I suddenly realized that Ramsay Bolton – the bastard son of Lord Roose Bolton of the North of Winterfell – might actually be some inter-dimensionally distant cousin of Dennis Reynolds on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Let me explain.

My 17-year-old daughter, Cassie, LOVES It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Loves it. We have to watch at least one episode every night. Sometimes two. Occasionally three. I’ve seen every episode at least five times.

What I’m saying is that I spend a lot of family time watching the Dennis Reynolds’ character on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on FXX. When I switched to watching Game of Thrones Episode Two this week, I suddenly noticed some eerie connections between two of the actors and characters from GOT and Always Sunny.

Dennis Reynolds IS Ramsay Bolton. Let me commence with my implausible argument.

Bone Structure and Facial Appearance

It can’t just be me who sees this. Dennis Reynolds and Ramsay Bolton eerily share the same fine bone structure, the same piercing blue eyes and the same pallid skin that looks like it would fit better on a cadaver than a living breathing human thing. They both have those full lips that would probably look good on a woman and they both own shockingly healthy amounts of brown hair on their heads. Sure, Dennis dyed his “Superman black” in one episode to maintain his peak status, but normally, he’s a natural brunette just like Ramsay Bolton.

It also looks like both Dennis and Ramsay could do with some serious time in the sun. They probably both suffer vitamin D deficiencies. Dennis lives in the overcast city of Philadelphia on the East Coast of the United States while Ramsay lives in the North where he is now the lawful heir to Winterfell. Both should probably move to a warmer climate. It might improve their mental outlooks as well as their pasty skin color.

Dennis Reynolds and Ramsay Bolton Like to Play God

Clearly, both Dennis and Ramsay believe they are attractive human beings, deserving of attention and respect. Both go out of their way to impress how valuable they are on others by any means possible. Dennis uses various behavioral techniques to “demonstrate his value” while Ramsay is constantly trying to prove to his father he’s not just an illegitimate bastard (although that’s precisely what he is).

Dennis is apt to describe himself as a Golden God has done so on more than one occasion. He’s described old school friends as minions and believes he is mentally and morally superior to those around him, having learned some basic psychological techniques and tricks to influence and direct other members of the Gang.

As an example, Dennis torments his room-mate Mac about his weight, prescribing him “size pills” which are nothing more than sugar pills to control his weight. He also demonstrates his power over Mac to a psychologist by showing her how easily Mac is manipulated simply by putting a Bic pen in front of him on the table.

Ramsay also loves to play God. When he was torturing Theon Greyjoy for weeks on end, he kept playing mind games with captive until he drove him mad and gave him a new identity as “Reek”. At one point, Ramsay sends his two mistresses to Theon to forcibly make love to him. Just as Theon is finally getting into it, Ramsay shows up to break up the fun and cut off his manhood. While this is quite a bit more shocking than anything Dennis might do, the principle of playing psychological games at another person’s expense is similar, just more extreme in Ramsay’s case.

Dennis and Ramsay Are Exhibitionists

It’s clear that Dennis and Ramsay are pretty comfortable with exposing their bodies around others. Neither of them seems to have a problem popping their shirts off in public and squeezing their pecs together for a show. Both of the characters also seem to prefer the shaven chest look. Clearly waxing or shaving is an option in the North, despite the cold which must lead to chafed, pointy nipples.

Dennis and Ramsay Treat Sex as Power

Dennis and Ramsay have their fair share of problems relating to women. While both are ostensibly regular heterosexual males and desire to have sexual relations with the opposite sex, neither are able to form positive healthy relationships with women. For Dennis and Ramsay, sex is more about dominance and power as opposed to love.

Dennis has developed the D.E.N.N.I.S. system in order to secure the sexual attention that makes him feel secure:

Demonstrate Value

Engage Physically

Nurturing Dependence

Neglect Emotionally

Inspire Hope

Separate Entirely

Ramsay doesn’t need anything as intricate as a D.E.N.N.I.S. system to manipulate women to do his bidding. Ramsay’s approach is rather more direct, relying on a system of medieval servitude and serfdom to force unempowered women to do his sexual bidding. It’s clear that Ramsay has conducted sexual relations with multiple women. Like Dennis, he becomes quickly bored with his female partners, rather treating them as disposable playthings.

The R.A.M.S.A.Y. system might be described as follows:

Rape your wife

Anger your dad

Molest your captives

Sexually dominate the help

Annihilate your opposition even if they’re family

Yell and carry on like a spoiled brat

Dennis and Ramsay Come 1st

Dennis and Ramsay are both happiest when they are experiencing physical pleasure. They’re hedonists and narcissistic. They like to drink, fornicate and be merry. They don’t really care if anybody else is happy, as long as they are. Like Conan The Barbarian (1981), the best thing in life is “to crush your enemies, to see your enemies driven before you and to hear the lamentation of the women”. Dennis also likes nice cars.

Dennis and Ramsay Have Crazy Girlfriends

The most stable relationships in Dennis and Ramsay’s lives are still pretty disastrous. Ramsay’s girlfriend Miranda clearly had a few loose screws rattling around her head, but she and Ramsay were able to connect on some level, even if those feelings were based on 50 Shades of Grey type shared interests. The problem was one of social status. Miranda was merely the hounds-keeper’s daughter, while Ramsay Bolton was the bastard heir to Winterfell. It never would have worked.

By comparison, Dennis’ childhood love, Maureen Ponderosa, is a larger disappointment to him after they briefly rekindled their romance as adults. Sure, Dennis is so convinced he loves Maureen that he marries her, but then he immediately regrets it. By the end of the second double episode, they’re divorcing and Maureen has Dennis assume her debts and uses her alimony payments to get fake breasts and eventually make the full transition into a kitty cat.

Dennis and Ramsay Both Need Their Tools

Tools are very important to Dennis and Ramsay.

During their school reunion, Dennis is thrown into a tantrum of rage by the lack of respect he’s paid by his old schoolmates. He returns to his car and begins digging around for various “tools” in his car with which to pay back his enemies. These tools include duct tape, zip ties, and gloves. These tools would have been put to good use by Ramsay Bolton.

Likewise, Ramsay really enjoys his various torture devices. His tools give him the greatest pleasure when he is causing others pain. I suppose it can’t be easy being righteous when you are born and raised under the flag of a “Flayed Man”. Ramsay’s tools range from the Rack, crucifying cross, thumb screws, fingernail gouging, knives and semi-wild dogs that can tear a man or woman to pieces.

Dennis and Ramsay Have Daddy Issues

Dennis and his sister Sweet Dee have a very complicated relationship with Frank their father. Frank liked to carry out fake-outs on Dennis and Dee when they were kids. For example, at Christmas, he’d fill the living room with large boxes of presents but they would all be empty. Frank would later divorce Dennis and Dee’s “whore mother” and carry on having very public affairs which were an embarrassment to his kids.

Frank seems to believe he’s teaching his kids a lesson by denying them the things they want most in life. During one episode, Frank buys himself a yellow sports car, simply because it’s the thing that Dennis most craves in the world.

Lord Roose Bolton, by comparison, raped Ramsay’s mother after hanging her husband, the miller, because the couple had wedded without his consent. After giving birth to baby Ramsay, the mother brought Lord Bolton’s new son to the Dreadfort to show him his offspring. Bolton refrained from killing them both when he realized the baby was indeed his bastard.

Ramsay grows up most his life as an outsider, even while he is the son of the Lord. Roose and Ramsay briefly patch things up and Bolton makes his illegitimate son his official son for the first time. Things seem to be going well until Lord Bolton has another baby, a legitimate baby, with his new wife. Uh-oh.

Dennis and Ramsay Both Have Crazy Eyes

Yikes. Both Dennis and Ramsay do a good “crazy eyes”. You never know exactly what either of them are thinking or what they are going to do next. They are emotionally unpredictable and quite possibly very dangerous to anybody who happens to be around them. Both individuals have a logical code of their own and by their own measure, probably feel justified in what they do. It’s just what they choose to do, isn’t very nice.

I don’t think I’d want to be friends with either of them.