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I know that at some point, this section of my site will be out of date. I promise you in advance, I'm aware of that.

I'm 32 years old and I live on an Air Force base in New Mexico with my husband and our two big dogs. I've been married for three years, and we have a 3 year old daughter named Penelope . You can do the math. It's okay. We don't mind.

GoGirl Energy Drink! By Girlfriends!

For when you need a boost of energy, except, uh oh, you’re also a woman!

See, it’s pink! That’s how you know that Girlfriends really wants to help you, Go, Girl! Because it’s in your favorite lady color! So you know it’s for you! A lady!

Also? ALSO? Only FIVE CALORIES. Because if there’s one thing ladies hate (other than things that aren’t pink, of course!), it’s calories!

Look, we also threw a pink ribbon on there, too, because you can never pander too much when it comes to making products unnecessarily gender specific!

GoGirl! By Girlfriends!

Here’s an idea! Why don’t you grab a GoGirl! by Girlfriends! while you’re picking up some lady-specific tools?

You can tell that they’re for ladies because we’ve made them periwinkle! We know how you feel about your tools, ladies! We know that you want to be taken seriously as a cute little lady who really believes she can take on minor home repair, but don’t want to neglect fashion! You can see how that cute little lady right there on the front of the box has coordinated her outfit with her special lady tools!

As an added bonus, we’ve spent more time on our tools’ appearance rather than their functionality – we know you want to look authentic when you hang out with the boys, but don’t want to spend money on high quality tools. We know that appearance is more important that anything else for women, so we’ve spent our development dollars on making the tools look appealing, as well as some clever packaging. You can tell that some real “can do!” gals like our lady tools – the lady on the box is so jaunty!

And look! Latitude. Our name sounds like attitude. That, combined with the fact that our lady tools aren’t pink, let you know that we take you seriously as a woman. Why, standing there, hand on your hip, pretty $5 blue hammer stuck through your belt loop, sippin’ on a GoGirl! by Gilrfriends – you look like you’re ready to take on the world!*

*Latitude and jaunty box lady not responsible if you go a little nuts and decide you’re actually going to attempt some kind of real home repair with pretty blue tools of dubious < $7 quality. Why don’t you just sit back with your little pink lady drink – did you notice that it has a pink ribbon? Don’t question the pink ribbon. Just because we put it there doesn’t mean we’re obligated to send any of our profits to breast cancer charities. Didn’t you know that ribbons mean awareness? We put it there because we’re aware the breast cancer exists. Stop having thoughts. It’s not good for lady brains.

EDITED TO ADD: In the sake of fairness, Aziatic did point out below that the GoGirl! by Girlfriends! line of energy drink does donate money to “breast cancer research, awareness and prevention.”

So, good for them.

HOWEVER, while checking that out, I discovered something even more fun! Turns out, GoGirl! by Girlfriends! ISN’T just a standard energy drink in a pink can to appeal to women on a ridiculously cheap level!

An appetite supressant! They really DO have the hotline right into the typical female brain!

Pink! Minimal calories! Less than one carb! All of that AND it keeps you from stuffing food into your face hole?

It really IS the energy drink we ladies have been waiting for!

LADY DRINKS ALL AROUND, Y’ALL.

Winky face!

(pink ribbon!)