Hey everyone, we here at Yahoo! Sports are doing real power rankings for teams Nos. 1-31. Here they are, based on only how I am feeling about these teams, meaning you can’t tell me I’m wrong because these are my feelings and feelings can’t be wrong. Please enjoy the Power Feelings.

31. New York Rangers (Last season: 24)

Okay so right off the bat I just have to say these are not going to be Power Feelings for the first few weeks of the season. Performance will be judged strictly by win-loss records, with a consideration for games played. If the records are tied, then the team with the better goal difference wins out. If those are tied, then the team with the better shot difference wins out. And if those are tied, then the team I personally think is better wins out. No one this week needed that final tiebreaker though.

So what I’m saying is: You are absolutely not allowed to bother me on Twitter or email to say “Why is (team I like or dislike) ranked (position they’re in)? That’s crazy!” It’s not actually crazy because it’s math. If you bother me like this, I will find you on Venmo and demand $15 from you. It’s the only way you’ll learn, and if you skim past this part, sorry but that’s on you.

Anyway the Rangers are awful and will be all year. I don’t mind this ranking for them at all right now. If you lose all three games you’ve played through Sunday, this is what you get.

30. Arizona Coyotes (LS: 29)

The Coyotes, too, it’s like, “Are they better than 30th?” Yeah probably. Are they gonna need to score more than zero goals to win? Yeah definitely.

29. Edmonton Oilers (LS: 23)

28. Detroit Red Wings (LS: 27)

27. Minnesota Wild (LS: 9)

I’m a little surprised to see Minnesota this low already but they gave up 82 shots in two games, so that explains a lot, for me.

26. St. Louis Blues (LS: 18)

25. Florida Panthers (LS: 16)

I thought this was a 100-point team coming into the season but Roberto Luongo is already hurt, so now maybe I’m less optimistic about that.

24. Pittsburgh Penguins (LS: 10)

Obviously I don’t think the Penguins are the 24th-best team in the league. They’re gonna be really good. But with that having been said, Matt Murray isn’t doing much to assuage the critics and skeptics. He gave up six in an overtime win (versus a Washington team playing the second night of a back-to-back) and five in a loss (to Montreal), which if you ask me is a lot for two games of work.

Look, the Pens finished 10th in the league by win percentage last season with Murray being a .907 goalie all year, so this is a team that has a lot of talent. And Murray might not ever live up to his first two seasons again, but he’s also not an .830 goalie. If he’s even passable (and .907 ain’t passable) this team is gonna be fine.

Whether they’d be happy with “fine” given the commitment they’ve made to the kid, well, I think we all know the answer there.

23. Boston Bruins (LS: 4)

22. Vegas Golden Knights (LS: 5)

It’s one of those things. I thought Vegas looked good in both games I saw but Fleury just didn’t show up for one of them, so here we are. And for the record, he was great the next time out in Minnesota.

As with last year, a lot of the Golden Knights’ success lives and dies with Fleury and we all have to get used to the idea that, even if they improved a lot this offseason (they for-sure did) the fact is we gotta get used to the idea that this isn’t probably gonna be a 107-point team.

21. Buffalo Sabres (LS: 31)

20. San Jose Sharks (LS: 11)

So the Sharks already have Erik Karlsson playing 28-plus minutes a night and Burns is the solid No. 2 at 25:26. And they’re still finding Justin Braun 17:50 a game somehow. Pretty wild. I bet that works out for them in the long run though. I’d bet a lot of money on it, in fact.

19. Columbus Blue Jackets (LS: 14)

18. Vancouver Canucks (LS: 26)

NO ONE THINKS THE CANUCKS ARE THE 18TH-BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE but they effectively split with the Flames in terms of both wins and goal difference in their two games so far, even if they got shelled.

We’ll talk more about Calgary in a minute because they really benefited a lot from playing a rotten team. These guys are awful but Elias Pettersson is certainly living up to the hype so far, with three goals and FIVE points in his first two NHL games.

You get the feeling no one’s gonna feel bad about the Hockey Night in Canada late games this year, even if Calgary, Vancouver and Edmonton all stink. Which I kinda think they will. All three have someone who’s worth a few hours of your time.

Story continues