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USA TODAY Sports

Break out those red pens. It's NBA report card season.

Why yes, the 2014-15 crusade is still in its infancy. Glad you noticed. But that doesn't mean the Association's teams aren't in need of grading.

Parents and spouses of players, owners and general management have been anxiously awaiting progress reports, checking briefcases, backpacks, duffel bags, satchels and, in Gregg Popovich's case, rucksacks for the updates we're (selflessly) about to provide.

In making our assessments, we will absolutely take into account that 2014-15 is still wearing diapers and sucking on binkies—which is to say, we won't be cruel. We'll also be considering records, offensive and defensive standing and subjective interpretations of future outlooks.

Grades that are handed out will be relative to expectations, too. The Philadelphia 76ers aren't 0-for-Christmas before Thanksgiving, so they get an "A++++." The Cleveland Cavaliers, meanwhile, won't be going 82-0, so they'll be awarded an "F-."

Seriously, though, expectations matter. Bad teams that aren't bad will be weighted favorably. Great teams that aren't playing great will suffer. And so on and so forth.

Now, put on your discretionary caps. It's time to pass judgment on people you don't have to face at the water cooler tomorrow. Or ever.