I only started my non-binary journey a couple of months ago, and already I’m learning more about LGBTQIA+ than I even knew existed. Thanks internet!

If other peoples stories helped me identify, then maybe I can tell my story and help others identify as well. I hope to make regular posts about my discoveries along the way since I know the learning doesn’t end.

I am AFAB (assigned female at birth); that is the only thing that is certain about me. I have no desire for HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or physical surgery to reduce or alter my physical characteristics. Having said that, I currently have a hormonal implant for birth control reasons which has completely eliminated my periods and I love that side effect.

I wear women’s clothing and a bra for practical reasons. I don’t wear makeup. If I didn’t have a dress code at work, I’d wear jeans and t-shirts or flannel. Sometimes it’s assumed I am a lesbian. What I wear has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality. Every once in a while I feel like putting on a dress and makeup. The worst thing people can say to me is, “you clean up good” or “you should dress up more often”. That’s not who I am all the time, and it effects my self-esteem for when I feel more comfortable being neutral. For this reason, I consider myself non-binary, but could also be considered genderfluid, genderqueer, or even a demigirl or nanogirl. Lots of words to say I don’t feel like a natural woman (all the time).

I’ve kind of lumped gender identity and expression into one, because they are inter-related for me. That is not necessarily true for everyone.

Moving on to sexuality. This is where it has always been complicated for me. If I were trying to look at things as though they are binary, I would identify as a heterosexual woman and call it a day. But I know now it’s not that simple. I have an attraction towards men, but it’s more romantic than sexual. I could also be pan or poly romantic, but I’m not sure. I’m also more attracted to men who are intelligent and enjoy discussing literature and politics, so would that make me a sapioromantic?

But when it comes to sex, it gets even more complicated. I have to have a trusting emotional relationship with someone before I’m sexually attracted, which makes me a demisexual. But I might also be asexual. When I was in a long-term relationship, I often had sex or performed oral sex just to make my partner happy. It was hit or miss whether or not I enjoyed it and it had nothing to do with him.

Then there are sexual fantasies that are just that — fantasies. I have no desire to act them out, but it’s fun to think about.

So to sum up, if you absolutely had to label me, I am AFAB nonbinary nanogirl pan-sapio-romantic demi-asexual with polysexual fantasies. Most of the time I use she/her pronouns, but sometimes use they/them. Too much? I’m okay with Queer. I’m okay with the Rainbow Flag (versus individualized flags for each identity/expression). But we should recognize that there is more than just LGBT (which for the most part still represent the binary model). We should talk about it. We should express it in art and media. We should educate our loved ones. We should support each other, because you are not alone.