This is going to come as very upsetting news to Republicans fighting tooth and nail to take sex education back into the stone ages, but a new survey has found that teenage girls these days are waiting longer to have sex, and when they do finally go for it, more of them are using the most effective kinds of contraception.


This will no doubt be a bitter whore pill to swallow for those who've been complaining loudly about how stupid and slutty teenagers are, obviously as a result of some dirty adult once saying the word "sex" in front of them. But the conservatives will have to release the withered fists they've had clenched around their pearls for so long, because, you see, it's official: the majority of teenage girls are choosing to remain virgins and making smart, educated choices about birth control. So, wait, our existing system of sex ed is actually working? Why, that's terrible news. We must fix what's not broken without delay!

The survey of 2,300 teenage girls between the ages of 15 and 19 was done by the CDC. It found that 57 percent of the girls had never had sex. In 1995, that number was 49 percent. The research also found that 60 percent of the girls who did have sex were using the most effective kinds of contraception available (which means the pill, vaginal ring, IUD, or implant/shots—condoms aren't on the list because they're only considered "moderately effective"). In 1995, less than half of the girls surveyed were using these effective methods. Boy, it's almost as if some smart person thought to teach these girls about what works and then make it all available to them...


While the decision of many teens to abstain from sex could be read as a win for the purity movement, in fact, it probably comes more from the fact that these girls have actually been educated (either in school or by watching 16 and Pregnant) about the real and often life-ruining consequences of having sexy sex times. This theory is bolstered by the fact that places where sex ed is the most backwards often have the highest rates of teen pregnancy. Health officials believe that the decision of teens nationwide to resist the temptations of sex and to use birth control explain why there's been a big decline in the teen birth rate since 1990, and it is now at an all-time low.

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But obviously this is just "science" talking, and there's no reason we should believe scientific professionals when we can listen to the psychotic whispers of the Purity Bear instead. Plus, there's an even scarier consequence to all of this: if lazy, slutty teens aren't getting knocked up and rushing off to get abortions in record numbers, then who can we blame for fueling the abortionplexes of America? What a great tragedy it would be if the pro-life movement lost one of their primary scapegoats and was forced to actually take a look at the real people who get abortions due to circumstances that have nothing to do with them being immoral teen whores who want to ruin America.


CDC: More teen girls using contraception, waiting longer [CBS]