Addressing issues ranging from income inequality and tax reform to trade agreements and the Cuba embargo, President Obama offered arguments for a wide range of policy proposals in last night’s State of the Union. The Onion takes a deeper look at some of his bolder claims:

“Fourteen of the 15 warmest years on record have all fallen in the first 15 years of this century” : This statement is true, unless you decide to believe that it isn’t.

: This statement is true, unless you decide to believe that it isn’t. “The shadow of crisis has passed” : Only a naïve man or a liar could say such a thing. Crisis’s long shadow haunts us always.

: Only a naïve man or a liar could say such a thing. Crisis’s long shadow haunts us always. “ISIS will be disrupted by our airstrikes, but will likely continue to operate and commit mass atrocities for years to come” : True

: True “Wages are finally starting to rise again” : This is false. What we perceive as “time” is merely an illusion created by the limitations of our own consciousness. All is now.

: This is false. What we perceive as “time” is merely an illusion created by the limitations of our own consciousness. All is now. “Tonight, the San Antonio Spurs will defeat the Denver Nuggets 109-99 in overtime” : Though this was in fact the final score, the Spurs-Nuggets game ended in regulation.

: Though this was in fact the final score, the Spurs-Nuggets game ended in regulation. “Forty-three million workers have no paid sick leave” : Really? Wow.

: Really? Wow. “During season two of Oz” : The president was actually referring to season three.

: The president was actually referring to season three. “So, it’s time we stop treating childcare as a side issue, or a women’s issue, and treat it like the national economic priority that it is for all of us” : Childcare is an issue exclusive to women.

: Childcare is an issue exclusive to women. “As always, we pay our respects to Inari, God of Storms, for providing us this bountiful harvest” : The God of Storms is Susanoo; Inari is the God of Foxes.

: The God of Storms is Susanoo; Inari is the God of Foxes. “Snake!”: It was actually just an old length of hose.