Braun admits to PED use: 'I was in denial'

Bob Nightengale | USA TODAY Sports

Milwaukee Brewers star Ryan Braun knows he lied to you, his teammates, even his best friends and family.

He took performance-enhancing drugs in 2011 and, even after testing positive, told everyone Major League Baseball's drug program was fatally flawed and that MLB officials had a personal vendetta against him.

Now here he is Thursday night, admitting and apologizing for his lies the past 1½ years, and he asks us to believe him now.

"For a long time, I was in denial," Braun said, "and convinced myself that I had not done anything wrong. ... There is no excuse for any of this."

Braun, using a carefully worded written statement as the avenue for his admission to using "banned substances," said he used an anti-inflammatory cream and lozenges in 2011 that turned out to violate MLB's drug program.

"It was a huge mistake, for which I am deeply ashamed," he said, "and I compounded the situation by not admitting my mistakes immediately."

He swears he took the substances simply to recover from an upper calf/lower hamstring injury, which kept him out of the All-Star Game.

He had already signed a five-year, $105 million extension in April that locked him up through 2020. This was about living up to the contract and staying on the field, by all means necessary.

"I was dealing with a nagging injury," Braun said, "and I turned to products for a short period of time that I shouldn't have used. The products were a cream and a lozenge, which I was told could help expedite my rehabilitation."

Well, after watching Braun's performance after using the banned products, we sure know why Tony Bosch and the Biogenesis clinic became the medicine of choice for nearly 100 athletes in several sports. Braun astonished his teammates not only by recovering so quickly, but also hitting with enormous power.

He hit .350 with 12 homers and 40 RBI the final two months. He led the Brewers to the National League Central title and won the NL MVP Award, hitting .332 with 33 homers and 111 RBI. And he hit .500 in the division series against the Arizona Diamondbacks. No wonder D'backs manager Kirk Gibson refuses to accept an apology and wants Braun to explain his actions to his face.

Braun didn't mention Gibson, but he sent letters of apology to Commissioner Bud Selig and Major League Baseball vice president Rob Manfred and spoke with union executive director Michael Weiner. He also apologized Thursday in his statement to drug sample collector Dino Laurenzi Jr.

"I felt wronged and attacked. But looking back now, I was the one who was wrong," Braun said. "I am beyond embarrassed that I said what I thought I needed to say to defend my clouded vision of reality."

Braun knows his apology and admission may never suffice to some teammates, many peers and fans.

"Once a liar always a liar," Cincinnati Reds pitcher Homer Bailey told the Dayton Daily News. "When you lie to people who backed you the whole way, you're in bad territory."

Many share that sentiment. But for Braun, the indifferent reactions might sting as much as the vitriol.

"It's nice to get his full view, his side of things, I guess," Neil Walker of the Pittsburgh Pirates said Thursday. "As a player, it's refreshing to hear the whole truth. But from another player in the game of baseball's standpoint, it doesn't really change too much, to be honest with you."

Certainly, his admission doesn't make Braun toxic. Hundreds of players have used PEDs. Some, such as Los Angeles Dodgers hitting coach Mark McGwire and Cleveland Indians DH Jason Giambi, are the nicest guys in the game.

"Just because someone is your friend and got caught up in some stuff," Colorado Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki told the Denver Post, "it doesn't mean you are a bad person. ... I definitely believe in forgiveness."

Braun is making sure this time no one's responsible but himself.

Braun blamed Laurenzi for tampering with his test result in 2011 during his February 2012 press conference after winning his appeal. ESPN reported he orchestrated a smear campaign against Laurenzi.

Braun apologizes specifically to Laurenzi in the statement, but does not address whether he disparaged Laurenzi to teammates and peers in the game for support. There is also no mention of former friend Ralph Sasson, who filed a defamation lawsuit last month against Braun.

"I deeply regret many of the things I said at the press conference,'' Braun said. "At that time, I still didn't want to believe that I had used a banned substance. I think a combination of feeling self righteous and unjustified anger led me to react the way I did.''

Braun, who refused to answer questions from MLB investigators during his first meeting in June, confessed and actually substantiated Bosch's evidence in July. He was the first player to accept his suspension in the Biogenesis investigation, agreeing to sit out the remaining 65 games of the regular season.

"I kept the truth from everyone," he says. "Those who put their necks out for me have been embarrassed by my behavior. I don't have the words to express how sorry I am for that.''

Braun doesn't blame anyone for still hating him. Some of his closest friends may never forgive him. It's quite possible that he'll be booed and berated every time he steps onto the field for the rest of his career.

But, at least now, he can live with himself. He'll find out in time who else feels the same.