So the story goes like this. Victorian Labor MP Don Nardella recently received a letter from a very cross constituent who took him to task for not paying enough attention to his 'people' or parking in a no standing area or wearing the wrong tie or whatever. Contained within the presumably passionate missive was the accusation "You seem to not want to help anyone except the immagration people".

Mr Nardella, offended by both the implication and the spelling, penned the following reply: "My advice to you stands from my initial email reply. Learn how to spell 'immigration' before using the word again". And all of a sudden he's the bad guy. The end.

Honestly, the world's gone mad. I blame the hung parliament/reality television/Bob Katter's ludicrous hat. What have we come to, in this day and age, where the Parliamentary Secretary for Roads and Ports can't politely point out the spelling faults of another without being demonised as a stuffy, arrogant douchebag?

Don't get me started on spelling. I love spelling. Spelling is a glorious thing that should be celebrated and embraced and occasionally taken out to dinner in an expensive restaurant and passionately kissed in the back of a taxi on the way home. And in my long and involved career as a pedantic, officious little twit whose lips go very tight and prim when receiving a text message containing incorrect spelling (if you love predictive text so much, learn how to use the damned thing) I have discovered what I consider to be a Very Interesting Fact to share with you: racists can't spell*.

I know this to be a fact because I have drawn my supporting argument from various areas of something known as the internet which is a one-stop shop for those gathering a dossier to present to a receptive ABC readership.

Please find for your perusal -

Exhibit A: Facebook group titles.

If the cheery idiocy of the existing conglomerates 'just because i said your stupid doesnt mean im racest!' or 'Welcome To America, Now Speek English!' doesn't grab you, perhaps the chirpily inane 'No More Boat Poeple!' will.

Exhibit B: Discussion boards.

Perhaps one day soon when you've got a little time on your hands you might want to go visit the Stormfront.org forums, the reading of which is very much akin to strolling through a room full of drooling halfwits repeatedly banging themselves on the heads with wooden spoons. While somebody calling himself 'AryanPatriot14' (at least he spelled 'patriot' right I suppose) opines 'Despite what liberal's say I don't appose race mixing out of hate but out of love for my race', another chum shares his views on Adolf Hitler ('Their is no greatist whit prider. He was onley one of the many. And one of my favorites!!! J'**). Hours pass.

Exhibit C:

Why is it that racists can't spell? Possibly because racism is completely idiotic and even people like Fred Nile who dress it up as paternalistic concern (It's the plight of those poor Islamic ladies that really bothers him you see, it's not that he's spreading a thinly-veiled message of fear and hate through the wider communities) don't present as the brightest sparks, particularly not when strenuously defending inter-office porn perusal.

And the odd your/you're mix-up can be forgiven (personally not really, but for the sake of the argument let's just pretend that Don Nardella is a little more generous of nature than I), yes, yes, but it's the muddling of the very important words that sets the moronic racists apart from the rest.

Don't start hating on me for having a go at poorly educated people. Of course the individuals I'm referring to in this piece are poorly educated: they're racists. If being racist were a smart thing to do Richard Dawkins would wear a pillowcase on his head on weekends and beat up coloured folk.

What can we learn from all this? We can learn that if you're racist and you want to convince others to join your team, learn to spell, dumbass. You will get more people to your 'let's burn down the Islamic school building and then have a jolly picnic' if you present the neighbourhood with a properly-worded document which remembers to add the letter 'h' to the word school. No need to thank me, I'm here to help.

* Not suggesting for a moment that Don Nardella's angry correspondent may be racist. Though she might want to look into procuring a dictionary next time she starts complaining about all the attention given to the darkies. There you go ABC legal department, problem solved. *dusts off hands*

** Stay tuned for the exciting sequel to this column, entitled 'Why racists love emoticons: more hard-hitting facts from your favourite ABC investigative reporter Marieke Josephine Hardy'.

Marieke Hardy is a writer and regular panelist on the ABC's First Tuesday Book Club.