WASHINGTON—Contritely offering full refunds for all purchased tickets, the Smithsonian Institution apologized Friday for their fraudulent Treasures Of Obama’s Tomb exhibit. “We are deeply sorry for promoting these obviously manufactured artifacts, but in our defense, the supposed ‘discoverers’ offered us a really great deal on Obama’s golden sarcophagus,” said exhibit curator Monica Walsh, admitting she had not questioned either the authenticity of such “artifacts” like Obama’s ceremonial gold lapis lazuli flail, nor claims that the collection had recently completed a sold-out run at the Natural History Museum in London. “In our defense, the exhibit was such a hit and we got so much positive feedback from it that we unfortunately let the excitement cloud our judgment. After taking some time to examine the 44th president’s golden death mask more closely, we discovered it was actually brass and had only been cast a few weeks ago. Furthermore, testing also reveals that the mummies of Sunny and Bo are actually two dried pit bull corpses.” The Smithsonian has clarified, however, that while the Obama artifacts are all completely fake, the Tomb Of Michelle has been authenticated and found to be over six thousand years old.

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