Since the last award I won was in college, and since I expected to go to my grave without ever getting another, my ears became pink with pleasure when a friend showed me that I’d been featured on a kind of honour roll poster put out by some website.

It’s one of those websites that lives in the gutters of the internet, and one of those posters where they steal your face off a newspaper column and paste it among other faces on a saffron and yellow background, with explicatory text about leftist rumour-mongering anti-nationals, and artworks consisting of explosives and jolly red ...