CANCUN, MEXICO — Early this morning, along the coastline outside a prominent Cancun resort, the remains of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian, as well as Kris, Kylie and Kendall Jenner were discovered on the beach.

The family perished late yesterday evening after being caught in heavy rains. While no witnesses have yet come forth to verify the events, the evidence suggests that the Kardashian women’s synthetic skin and artificial components could not withstand the elements and melted in the downpour.

Their remains were discovered this morning after a woman walking her dog realized that the soccer ball a group of native boys kicked around was in fact a giant silicone implant. After realizing this, she then performed a cursory examination of the scene and discovered the beach to be strewn with silicone implants of varying sizes, fake nails, and risque clothing which she referred to as, “gaudy stripper trash, like something my daughter-in-law would wear.”

When the woman asked the local children about the scene, one of the boys responded, “We thought at first they were jellyfish, but a few had nipples on them, so I kicked one and it bounced really far.”

After hearing of the tragedy early this morning, Caitlyn Jenner made an unexpected televised appearance on CBS This Morning and issued the following comment:

“I’m sure they were as brave in their final moments as I am everyday living my new life as a woman. It’s not easy having an inside-out penis, fake breasts, and dressing like a 1950’s bimbo. No man wants to touch me. It’s very difficult. You must be very brave, which I am. I know my daughters and ex-wife were equally as brave as the rains began to fall. I can’t even imagine. Melted… into a pile of boobs!”

Kanye West has yet to comment on the incident, but sources close to him said he’s been attempting to reboot his 3D printer in efforts to make another Kim.

We can only hope that the new Kim’s Instagram photos are just as captivating as the old one’s, and that she remembers to carry an emergency poncho whenever outside.

A private funeral is expected to be held early next week. The surviving Kardashian / Jenners have issued a request that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Rain Survivors Fund (RSF), which provides financing for at-home care to half-melted celebrities around the nation who happened to get caught in the rain, many of whom are now barely more than a blob of nose, cheeks, boobs, and buttocks.

Our thoughts and condolences go out to the family in this trying time.