When you have front row seats behind home plate — honest to goodness front row seats, not just good seats — you have a responsibility. There are unwritten rules. Don’t wave at the camera. Act like you’re happy and interested to have the best seats in the ballpark. Don’t wave at the camera. And don’t be the doofus who brings a sign. They’ll ask you to stop, and you’re really not that funny.

This guy, though. This guy is a damned hero.

Oh. Oh, my. This is a planned offensive strike, and it is brilliant. The statute of limitations is running out on being able to crow about championships from years ago, but it’s juuuuust fresh enough to needle the Dodgers continuously until they win one.

Getting the best seat in Dodger Stadium, then relaxing with a newspaper from three years ago, is the best passive-aggressive trolling I think I’ve ever seen from a sports fan. I might be missing something, but ... yeah, that’s the best I’ve seen. Subtle. Pointed. Smart. Dickish. It checks off all the boxes, and I’m a fan.

Really, the progression from idea to execution fascinates me. I have those papers somewhere safe, but ... I think they’re ... no, maybe I put them ... look, I can find them if you really need me to, but I’m waiting for a bigger house to get everything on display. This guy had the idea, and he had the paper. He was the perfect man for the job.

I recommend the 80-point-font trolling to anyone lucky enough to sit in those seats, but it will just be an homage to the master. I salute this American hero for his courage and ingenuity. Bless him.