4. DON’T Beat Around the Bush

But remember: If you’re too embarrassed to be that direct, or if you’re embarrassed about saying, “do you want to make love tonight?”, then you may not give clear enough signals.

My husband was leaving for a business trip for a week recently, and he was spending the morning before he was picked up sorting papers and paying bills and getting some tasks done around the house. I kept getting up from my computer whenever he got up from his and walking over and seeing if I could get him interested in something, but I never let him know what I was doing. I thought he was just busy and wasn’t interested. But after following him around like a puppy dog for an hour, he finally turned to me and said, “are you okay?”, and I said, “I just thought we could go upstairs for some fun before you left.”

He jumped on board immediately!

I had thought he was busy and was rejecting me, but he just really didn’t know what I was getting at. Men are usually afraid of getting rejected, and if he tends to have the higher sex drive in your marriage, he may have conditioned himself to never think about it, or to try not to assume you’re going somewhere, because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Subtlety, then, isn’t a good thing. Be obvious. It’s easier on everyone!

5. DO Use Your Hands

Don’t like talking about sex? Feel super awkward trying to say something sexy to start?

You don’t have to. Come up behind him, wrap your arms around him, start nibbling his ear, and let your hands wander. Watching a movie? Rest your hand in a creative place. And again–don’t beat around the bush. Put your hand EXACTLY where you know he wants it. Or lead him to the bedroom–but not with HIS hand. You can get things going without saying any words, if the words make you shy. Just do it!

6. DO Be Creative

Initiating sex can start earlier in the day. You can text him at work (“You’re in for it tonight!”). You can get dressed in your “pretty” underwear (not your functional underwear), and let him see, and say something like, “so this is what I’ll be wearing all day today….” You can put a note in his lunchbox, like a Skor bar, and say, “Wanna Skor tonight?” If a thought occurs to you, do it! Chances are it’s a good thought, and most guys won’t laugh at you. They’ll definitely go with it! I’ve got 10 super fun creative ideas to signal “I want sex tonight!”, too.

And 31 Days to Great Sex (which relaunches July 14 with an expanded edition!) has a ton of ideas for how to initiate sex, signal sex, and feel more comfortable. We even have sexy questions you can ask each other to get things going! Pre-order now.