It’s 7 a.m. on the U-Bahn. Eyes still puffy from the night before. A woman slowly nibbles her morning brötchen while staring into the static on the broken TV above. Everyone is silent. And in this crowd of straight faces, there I am, grinning like an idiot.

Why? I have a little secret. There’s acid under my tongue.

This slightly mischievous feeling is familiar to me. I’ve taken 1P-LSD (a legal LSD analog in Germany) over 50 times in the last six months. Most doses have been small, so small they’ve merely lifted my mood — but somehow, each time still feels like a new experience.

These small, ritual doses have drastically improved my life and reshaped my perception. It seems my brain has been especially malleable these last few months. I’ve been able to untangle the knots of thought that eclipsed my reality and made everything a little darker.

We still don’t know exactly what microdosing does to the brain over time. But new research is beginning to unveil the effects of LSD: It interrupts your regularly scheduled programming. Default networks of the brain quiet down, making way for new channels and connections. This causes previously segregated regions of the brain to communicate. Like modern lighting, dimming fluorescents and brightening the shadows in your mind. Illuminating corridors you never knew existed.

There are also hypotheses floating around that psychedelics can reroute neural pathways, replace outdated pharmacology for depression, and maybe even contribute to small amounts of neurogenesis.

When I first heard about microdosing, I needed help that a doctor, or even a therapist, couldn’t provide. Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, relief in the form of psychedelics was an exciting option. I decided to start James Fadiman’s dosing regimen: One day on, three days off. I usually take 10–20 mcg, but some people take as little as 3 mcg per dose.

So far, I feel different. And I feel good. That might sound like a weak sell, but anyone who’s found themselves in a few existential buckles or just straight-up pain knows that just feeling good is a feat. Whether you’re for, against, or simply curious about microdosing, more and more people are trying it and reporting noticeable improvements in their psyche and life.

Disclaimer: My continued use and microdosing protocol is not exemplary. I’m not a scientist. I’m not a doctor. No lab coat, no letters after my name. I’m writing this from a cafe in a bright yellow hoodie. This is my n=1, anecdotal, qualitative experiment. This has worked for me, but it might be completely different, or even dangerous, for you. The long-term effects of microdosing on the brain and the heart remain unknown.