The bureaucrats in charge of the dorms at Brigham Young University–Idaho have unleashed a pretty strange video about the incessant — and sneaky! — evils of masturbation.

The short film was first posted in December, reports the San Francisco Chronicle. It comes from the housing and student living office at BYU-Idaho (which is not the main BYU campus in Provo, Utah).

The sleek, well-produced video lasts about four minutes and is narrated with authoritative seriousness by school president Kim B. Clark. It analogizes the war against masturbation to a real, live-action war in which people die. Its main message, somehow, is that students who suspect their roommates of masturbating must either confront them or inform school officials.

Otherwise, it’s like leaving a wounded soldier dying on a battlefield. The title of the video is, in fact, “Wounded on the Battlefield.”

Clark, who previously served as the dean of the Harvard Business School from 1995 to 2005, characterizes the battle against masturbation as a “great war” against a “cruel, ruthless and relentless” “enemy.”

You can watch the video below. At the beginning, a college-aged kid walks into a dour apartment. Another college-aged kid is staring into a computer screen.

“The young man is spiritually wounded on the battlefield of the great war,” Clark explains.

The setting of the video then shifts to an intense, World War II-esque battlefield sequence complete with all manner of violence.

Clark declares that there is “a social stigma against people who speak up in the face of evil” “in our modern society.”

“The enemy whispers, ‘Don’t get involved. It’s not your problem.'”

Toward the end of the video, the roommate who had previously ignored the other roommate’s masturbatory proclivities chooses to help his spiritually wounded friend. Great happiness ensues.

Women are almost completely absent from the film. A smattering of females appears briefly at about the 3:10 mark (playing pool and drinking soda), after the masturbating kid gets the help he so desperately needs.

There is no suggestion that female masturbation is something to be battled. There is, however, a suggestion that the kid will now get a girlfriend.

WATCH:

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