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PROVIDENCE, RI – In a new study coming out of Brown University, researchers concluded that being sprayed with chemtrails actually has a positive effect when it comes to vaccine injuries.

“We sprayed chemtrails over 3 different cities in Rhode Island and then followed children in those cities for 4 years,” said Dr. Frank Defano. “We saw a strikingly lower rate of vaccine injuries in the children from the chemtrail laden cities than the normal population.”

While not all the data are available from the study just yet, it appears as though only 20% of the children who were severely sprayed with chemtrails ended up developing autism after their vaccines; a much lower rate than the 80% who normally get autism from vaccines.

“We are very excited about our findings and are hoping to present the data at several international conferences this summer,” said Dr. Defano. “We really need to push governments to increase their chemtrail use. You know, for the kids.”

Conspiracy theorists are somewhat confused by the news, not knowing how to react.

“Chemtrails are poison and they are making millions of people sick!” said Nina Morocco, conspiracy theorist. “And vaccines are also toxic…and…well….they are both bad and we should stop both of them!”

Governments have been secretly spraying their own countries with toxic chemtrails for decades and it is only thanks to brave mavericks with the ability to make YouTube videos that the general population is finally being informed.

“Sheep, wake up, chemtrails, Monsanto, shills, do your research” said Morroco. Sage advice indeed.