SOCIETY is at a point where presenters of light entertainment television are regarded as wise sages, it has been confirmed.



Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “If you look at the interest generated by Kirstie Allsopp’s comments about having kids, you can see how people on telly are revered – almost feared.

“In ancient cultures priests and priestesses were similarly elevated for their power to communicate with the gods.

“The modern equivalent of that is being on a telly programme with pictures of nice houses or yummy food, because telly seems like magic.”

28-year-old Stephen Malley said: “These people are in a million homes at once, they couldn’t do that if they weren’t special. Probably telly people are highly advanced space aliens.

“If Tim Lovejoy told me to cut my penis off I’d definitely do it.”