Atlanta, GA— 193 vaping-related emergencies have now been reported in 22 states to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, including 22 cases in Illinois. In the wake of what looks like the beginning of an epidemic, the CDC issued a statement in regards to vaping, the practice of inhaling and exhaling the vapor produced by an electronic cigarette or similar device.

“Excessive vaping can cause a mysterious lung condition that has led to at least one death in the United States this year, and has caused extensive lung tissue damage in less severe cases. But even moderate to low vaping still causes extreme douchebaggery,” opened the statement. “Quitting vaping can lead to decreased chances of short-term mortality. While this is a positive prognosis, you’ll still be a douchebag.”

Public health officials have declined to elaborate if they see a pattern that would make clear whether mass-market vaping products are leading to the conditions seen in long-term vapers, or if there may be counterfeit products to blame. So far, only one thing seems clear to the CDC according to their statement: “If you vape, you’re a total douche, and there’s nothing we can do for you.”