ID exec: "So listen, doom guy, can I call you that?"



DOOM SLAYER: *extremely ominous ninja glare*



ID exec: "So listen, we need you to become this deep, involving character with a tragic backstory...probably something involving unintentionally joining a group of marines who murdered a bunch of little kids-"



DOOM SLAYER: *THE SOUNDS OF HELL SCREAMING IN AGONY ECHO THROUGH HIS BLOODSHED STARVED MIND AS HE GLARES*



ID exec:"Now you're going to be voiced by that one guy who did the voice of DmC dante, it's all we could get-"



DOOM SLAYER: *VISIONS OF A BEAUTIFUL PORTRAIT OF HELL WHERE HE AND HE ALONE IS KING, LEFT TO RIP AND TEAR THROUGH THE SOUL DEVOURING LEGIONS OF EVIL LIKE AN ARBITER OF DOOM AND/OR CHUCK NORRIS QUICKLY FLASH BEFORE HIS EVER NARROWING BATMAN TIER GLARE*



ID exec: "so to summarize, we want you to become an antihero with a dark past, who's edgy- the kids like edgy right? and then you sacrifice yourself to stop the legions of hell, who are themselves just victims of a greater evil in the form of a giant tentacle abomination ala lovecraft, you know, sorta like bloodborne, that sells! you know? and first person shooters clearly need these sorts of things in order to survive and-"



DOOM SLAYER: "NO..."



ID exec: "w-what?"



DOOM SLAYER: "FIRST PERSON SHOOTERS NEED ONLY ONE THING IN ORDER TO SURVIVE."



ID exec: "and...w-what would that be mr doom guy?"





DOOM SLAYER: "LET ME SHOW YOU-" *revs up chainsaw and cuts id exec in half*



Id exec: *coughing up blood and staring down at his lower half* "W-why?!"



DOOM SLAYER: "BAIT."





*LATER IN HELL*



Id exec: *While outrunning satan himself and an army of cyberdemons who get their jollies by slaughtering stupid gaming executives trying to keep up with the market without thinking*



"WHY?!?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?!"



DOOM SLAYER: *shows up, ♥♥♥♥♥ a super-shotgun* "NOW FOR THAT DEMONSTRATION, THIS IS THE CORE OF A FPS, THE ORIGIN OF EVERY SHOOTER!! SHOOTERS DON'T NEED PLOT, DARK ANTIHEROES OR DEEP INVOLVING STORIES FOR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ WHO CAN'T GROW OUT OF THEIR EDGELORD PHASES, IT ONLY NEEDS HOT LEAD-"



*blasts apart a cyberdemon, shoots at another one until it dies, tears off another one's skull and rams it down its throat, proceeds to hold satan down, rams the super shotgun up his ass, fires, then proceeds to do the same thing with a BFG while shouting- "GORE!! AND DEATH!!!"



*DOOM THEME PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE ID EXEC LOOKS ON, ENTRANCED BY THE SAVAGE DISPLAY OF DESTRUCTION AND VIOLATION THAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS "RIP AND TEAR"





DOOM SLAYER: *with shotgun over his shoulder* "ANY QUESTIONS?!!"



id exec: "am...I alive?"



DOOM SLAYER: "NO, BUT IF I SAY YOU ARE HELL ISN'T GONNA ARGUE, ISN'T THAT RIGHT MANCUBI?!?!"



*army of approaching mancubi slowly back away, whimpering*



"THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS MY CANVAS, AND YOU'RE ALL MY PAINT!! NOW GO BACK TO YOUR JARS UNTIL I NEED YOU AGAIN!! AND YOU-" *points at id exec* "NEVER FORGET THIS SACRED LESSON I TAUGHT YOU TODAY, AND GO BACK TO THE LIVING WORLD, THEN MAKE A DOOM GAME THAT'S ACTUALLY A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DOOM GAME, I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT, BUT MAKE IT PURE!!!"



Id exec: "Pure...."



DOOM SLAYER: "PURE!!!!"





id exec: *now with more excitement in his voice* "PURE!!!"





*later that day, back in the land of the living* "so, guys, we're gonna make doom 4, but it'll be a reboot."



*angry groans*



"But it'll be all blood, guts, and action, nothing else. if we enforce any plot, we'll have doomgu- no, DOOM SLAYER bitchslap it!! we're gonna make this the most cathartic first person shooter on the market!!! back to the basics!! I WANT MORE VIOLENT KILLS AND DEATH AND I WANT A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HEALTH SYSTEM IN PLACE REWARDING IT!!! IF YOU CAN THINK OF WAYS TO VIOLATE A DEMON'S RIGHT TO LIVE I WANT IT INCORPORATED!!! WE'RE MAKING IT OLDSCHOOL AND BRINGING IT NEWSCHOOL GRAPHICS!!! WE'RE GONNA PAINT THE FIRST PERSON GENRE RED!!!"



*everyone else...after a moment of tense silence...proceeds to start cheering and waving their chainsaws around*





-How the production of this game went.





also, 10/10 best ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ fps i'll ever play. shame about the multiplayer though.

ID exec: "So listen, doom guy, can I call you that?" DOOM SLAYER: *extremely ominous ninja glare* ID exec: "So listen, we need you to become this deep, involving character with a tragic backstory...probably something involving unintentionally joining a group of marines who murdered a bunch of little kids-" DOOM SLAYER: *THE SOUNDS OF HELL SCREAMING IN AGONY ECHO THROUGH HIS BLOODSHED STARVED MIND AS HE GLARES* ID exec:"Now you're going to be voiced by that one guy who did the voice of DmC dante, it's all we could get-" DOOM SLAYER: *VISIONS OF A BEAUTIFUL PORTRAIT OF HELL WHERE HE AND HE ALONE IS KING, LEFT TO RIP AND TEAR THROUGH THE SOUL DEVOURING LEGIONS OF EVIL LIKE AN ARBITER OF DOOM AND/OR CHUCK NORRIS QUICKLY FLASH BEFORE HIS EVER NARROWING BATMAN TIER GLARE* ID exec: "so to summarize, we want you to become an antihero with a dark past, who's edgy- the kids like edgy right? and then you sacrifice yourself to stop the legions of hell, who are themselves just victims of a greater evil in the form of a giant tentacle abomination ala lovecraft, you know, sorta like bloodborne, that sells! you know? and first person shooters clearly need these sorts of things in order to survive and-" DOOM SLAYER: "NO..." ID exec: "w-what?" DOOM SLAYER: "FIRST PERSON SHOOTERS NEED ONLY ONE THING IN ORDER TO SURVIVE." ID exec: "and...w-what would that be mr doom guy?" DOOM SLAYER: "LET ME SHOW YOU-" *revs up chainsaw and cuts id exec in half* Id exec: *coughing up blood and staring down at his lower half* "W-why?!" DOOM SLAYER: "BAIT." *LATER IN HELL* Id exec: *While outrunning satan himself and an army of cyberdemons who get their jollies by slaughtering stupid gaming executives trying to keep up with the market without thinking* "WHY?!?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?!" DOOM SLAYER: *shows up, cocks a super-shotgun* "NOW FOR THAT DEMONSTRATION, THIS IS THE CORE OF A FPS, THE ORIGIN OF EVERY SHOOTER!! SHOOTERS DON'T NEED PLOT, DARK ANTIHEROES OR DEEP INVOLVING STORIES FOR PUSSIES WHO CAN'T GROW OUT OF THEIR EDGELORD PHASES, IT ONLY NEEDS HOT LEAD-" *blasts apart a cyberdemon, shoots at another one until it dies, tears off another one's skull and rams it down its throat, proceeds to hold satan down, rams the super shotgun up his ass, fires, then proceeds to do the same thing with a BFG while shouting- "GORE!! AND DEATH!!!" *DOOM THEME PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE ID EXEC LOOKS ON, ENTRANCED BY THE SAVAGE DISPLAY OF DESTRUCTION AND VIOLATION THAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS "RIP AND TEAR" DOOM SLAYER: *with shotgun over his shoulder* "ANY QUESTIONS?!!" id exec: "am...I alive?" DOOM SLAYER: "NO, BUT IF I SAY YOU ARE HELL ISN'T GONNA ARGUE, ISN'T THAT RIGHT MANCUBI?!?!" *army of approaching mancubi slowly back away, whimpering* "THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS MY CANVAS, AND YOU'RE ALL MY PAINT!! NOW GO BACK TO YOUR JARS UNTIL I NEED YOU AGAIN!! AND YOU-" *points at id exec* "NEVER FORGET THIS SACRED LESSON I TAUGHT YOU TODAY, AND GO BACK TO THE LIVING WORLD, THEN MAKE A DOOM GAME THAT'S ACTUALLY A FUCKING DOOM GAME, I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT, BUT MAKE IT PURE!!!" Id exec: "Pure...." DOOM SLAYER: "PURE!!!!" id exec: *now with more excitement in his voice* "PURE!!!" *later that day, back in the land of the living* "so, guys, we're gonna make doom 4, but it'll be a reboot." *angry groans* "But it'll be all blood, guts, and action, nothing else. if we enforce any plot, we'll have doomgu- no, DOOM SLAYER bitchslap it!! we're gonna make this the most cathartic first person shooter on the market!!! back to the basics!! I WANT MORE VIOLENT KILLS AND DEATH AND I WANT A FUCKING HEALTH SYSTEM IN PLACE REWARDING IT!!! IF YOU CAN THINK OF WAYS TO VIOLATE A DEMON'S RIGHT TO LIVE I WANT IT INCORPORATED!!! WE'RE MAKING IT OLDSCHOOL AND BRINGING IT NEWSCHOOL GRAPHICS!!! WE'RE GONNA PAINT THE FIRST PERSON GENRE RED!!!" *everyone else...after a moment of tense silence...proceeds to start cheering and waving their chainsaws around* -How the production of this game went. also, 10/10 best fucking fps i'll ever play. shame about the multiplayer though. Check this box if you received this product for free (?) Do you recommend this game? Yes No Cancel Save Changes