You can cut all the flowers but you cannot stop spring from coming. -Pablo Neruda

WASHINGTON – While climate change scientists have recently been ordered to make no mention of climate change on social media accounts, this hasn’t stopped some agencies from going rogue. As of press time, 97% of scientists believe that man-influenced climate change is a valid scientific claim. Despite this, President Donald Trump vehemently denies this perceptible truth, and instead believes that, “the concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” While we here at the Supreme Report know it to be asinine to comment on the President’s appearance, NASA has confirmed that man-made climate change is responsible for President Trump’s chin slowly melting into his neck, overall raising the skin-levels surrounding the face and upper-torso.

“This particular case study was conducted over the last 14 years, starting in 2003 with the debut of The Apprentice,” said the chief of the research endeavor, Dr. Samantha Tanger. “We’ve calculated the skin-to-area ratio on President Trump is being greatly offset. The cause is obvious: increasing global temperatures melts his pasty and flabby skin, creating an orange-pus like mucus that covers the lower facial structures, blending the area between his lower jaw and collar-bone into one continuous fleshy glob.”

But is this problematic? Climate change is only dangerous insofar as the consequences impact our lives and the ecosystem we inhabit. Is this topographical change in our President’s face merely aesthetic or does it have an actual impact on how we live our lives?

“Well, like climate change, this problem doesn’t simply impact one area or group of people: it impacts all of us on a fundamental level. Those who interact with the President on a day-to-day basis might find themselves exhibiting similar symptoms. Take his closest advisor for example:

Like President Trump, Ms. Conway is also suffering from the consequences of climate change. The desert image on the right is cracked and frail, similar to Ms. Conway’s face and neck whenever she chooses to appear on television. Clearly this condition is easily transferable via contact. Given the President’s self-declared reputation, it wouldn’t surprise us if this contact were of a sexual nature.”

“If this trend isn’t stopped, the consequences might be disastrous,” said Dr. Tanger. “The President himself might be eventually turned into an unrecognizable orange pimple with hair.”

The White House has yet to release an official response to this alarming data.