5 February, 2015. 17:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

DESHAUN EMMANUEL DOESN’T UNDERSTAND how Australians aren’t scared to go outside, as the country is home to a disproportional amount of venomous animals. That’s despite him being raised in the US gun murder capital of Washington D.C. – where you’re more likely to be shot to death than graduate from college.

Speaking yesterday to The Washington Post, Emmanuel said he’d never go to Australia because of the dangers presented by the environment.

“I heard they even got trees and shit that’ll kill you,” he said. The plant the 25-year-old is referring to is the notorious Gympie Gympie, which is widely regarded as the world’s most dangerous plant.

“Fuck that shit. I heard that if you get bit like in the outback or some shit like that, there’s nothing you can do. They all just stand around going ‘Man, Imma gon miss you homie, see you in the afterlife,’ and shit like that.”

While some of what Mr Emmanuel is saying rings true, most of it is Chinese whispers, according to G’Day USA! coordinator Tom Watson.

“We get a lot of press, especially in America, for having really dangerous animals that are just out to get you – and that’s just fiction.” said Watson.

“Where as in reality, we don’t even need guns to protect us. From a young age, Aussie kids are taught to kill snakes with shovels and sticks. We haven’t got bears or coyotes or wolves. Americans need guns for those situations.”

Despite these common assurances from cultural ambassadors like Mr Watson, it’s becoming increasing difficult for Australian tourism operators to lure Americans like DeShaun Emmanuel to our shores.

A report into firearm deaths was complied by the government last year, which discovered that in 2014, of the 13 gun related homicides that year, every single one of those victims was a bad person or a criminal.

Therefore, the government concluded that you’re more likely to be murdered by a firearm in Australia than be subjected to a civil war or ethnic violence in your home country, flee the situation, travel for years with a dream of one day finding refuge in Australia, arrive illegally by boat from Indonesia, enter offshore detention, have your claim processed in a timely fashion – then be granted asylum.

Putting the record straight, Mr Emanuel, who carries a Walther PPQ .45 for personal protection when he picks his kids up from school, says he feels safer at home in D.C.

“I feel safer here because I’ve got my gun to protect me. If I went to Australia, they’d take it away from me.” he said.

“If I was going somewhere as dangerous as Australia, I’m not going without a piece.”