Sexual fantasies : we all have them, even when we say we don’t! Fantasies can help us in stimulating arousal, making intercourse more interesting when it actually comes…In counseling, fantasies can be used to block out unwanted cravings or thoughts, and in psychosexual therapy they are great tools to refocus on sensual pleasure. In short, there’s every reason to enjoy our sexual fantasies, and no reason to feel guilty about them!Usually our most secret fantasy is best kept in the imaginary world: acting out a fantasy might lessen the excitement value of it, and in the real world sex is different from how we fantasize about it...

Kelly is turned on by the thought of being forced to have sex against her will, but she would never want to be raped. Emily enjoys imaging what it would be like to make love to her next-door-neighbor, but she has no real desire to be unfaithful to her husband.

So if our secret fantasies are not mental rehearsals for something that we actually plan to do, what on earth are they, and what are they saying about ourselves?‘And then he came on a white horse, saving me when all hope was lost. His lips were made for kissing, and his bosy…’ Romantic fantasies are all about escape: out from a dreary routing, in with something exciting. Trouble is that the fantasy itself does not create any additional opportunity for something special to happen. Do you want to change your life? What can you do differently today?Maybe one of the participants in the imagined scene is your partner, maybe it isn’t. Usually someone in the group is more adventurous than your real partner is and this could mask a fear to ask for what really please you. What do you want? You have every right to ask.If you have thought about making love to another women you are in good company, very many women have! A Lesbian fantasy clearly does not mean that you don’t like men, but it might indicate that there is a part of you that still need to be explored.‘Forced to have sex = Not responsible for it’Your unconscious might be attracted to the idea of coercive sex because if you have no choice in the matter, you can’t feel guilty about it. You have the right to enjoy sex.There are very many sexual fantasies out there and no one-size-fit-all explanation. What is your secret fantasy? Please tell us without using your real name. What does your fantasy might be telling you?