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The Walking Dead has run out of Red Shirts. The aftermath of the farm scene left both Patricia and Jimmy dead -- two characters I had to actually look up to see if they had names, because I kept referring to them as "the guy that doesn't matter" and "the blonde girl that's not the other blonde girl." Seriously, when that kid stoically died in the RV without uttering a single line, I was convinced that the writers had just sighed a collective "fuck it" and threw some poor intern in there to up the body count. But IMDB insists that Jimmy was a real thing in several real episodes, so I suppose we should all care that he heroically died from not locking the fucking door. I lock the door when guys with a bitchin' tan walk too close to my Subaru; I'm pretty sure that's like the first thing any thinking human being would do before willingly driving into the Million Zombie March.

But I digress: Yes, it's a stupid and petty cop-out on the part of the screenwriters to keep throwing out chum instead of messing with the "real" characters. But you guys: This is almost it! With Jimmy and Patricia dead, that's almost all of the zombie kibble gone! The only two disposable characters left now are Beth and Carol. And Carol, as obnoxious and pointless as she is, has at least shown up for most of the episodes: There will be some sort of emotional consequences if the zombie apocalypse's Miss Punctuality gets herself killed.





"You guys having an apocalypse? Can I come? I promise I'll be quiet; you won't even notice I'm there."

It's like this: Have you ever come home after a hard day at work, and the first thing you do is to gather up everything you could possibly need -- phone, laptop, remote, beer, Hot Pockets, Kleenex, bail cash -- and put it all by the couch, just so you won't have to get up for the next few hours? Well, that's what the writers of