My dear Mr Diet,

We need to talk, and hence this letter.

Several months ago, when we were in a healthy relationship, you helped me lose substantial amount of painful and ugly fat.

However, you drove me insane. All I kept thinking about was you! If I ogled at that delicious mouth-watering piece of brownie topped with hot chocolate, whipped cream and ice cream, you stared at me as though I snatched it from your mouth.

How jobless were you? Really. In my head, you kept knocking the thought of how much weight I need to lose. In my heart, you managed to fill in all the vacant spaces with guilt and shame. In my ears, you kept screaming ‘Move that fat ass, Loser!’ In front of my eyes, you gorged on all the yummilicious goodies and left me to deal with tasteless food.

You know what I thought of you back then? How typical a sadist!

You stole my friends – Chocolate, Chips, Cheese and Fried Chicken away from me. You forced me to mingle with Tofu, Sprouts and Steamed Vegetable. I agree, that first up it was fun knowing them. But hey, how long do I keep a plastic smile on. I missed my old buddies, and it was you who stole them from me. You sadist, again!

I had enough of you and hence was forced to have that ugly break-up with you. It was painful no doubt, because I could see all the ugly fat getting piled on again. But, your whims and fancies were too much for me to handle.

Let’s face it. You left me with no choice. I was fed up of leading a tasteless, humdrum and uninspiring life with you. I even started cheating on you!

Yes. You piled my plate with fresh lettuce and I secretly mixed a generous spoon of my favourite garlic mayonnaise. You stuffed my bread with veggies and I sandwiched a delectable piece of deep-fried chicken breast in between. You packed my bowl with fresh seasonal fruits and I added a large-hearted dollop of vanilla ice cream. You let me grab a small bar of dark chocolate and I sneaked in my favourite bar of milk chocolate along with it.

How long was I supposed to do that? I reached my limit and finally told you that it was over between us. I just did not need you and all I wanted was to live my eating all that divine food the world has to offer.

I did a Shift+Delete to all that information you fed me with about health and nutrition. I untagged you from all my Facebook posts. I also moved on and started dating Mr. Fried.

It was absolutely magical at the start. But, I need to admit that after our initial wild sojourn, the toxins started creeping in slowly. I started feeling dizzy with the amount of oil in my system. Hell, I was even burping oil! This love explosion began to fade and gradually I started missing you.

After a couple of months, when I looked at myself in the mirror, all I could see was a dejected lump of fat. All those months of hard work in building our relationship, just vanished in no time. I was sad. I was depressed. I was lonely. And I was unhealthy!

I realised how much I need you back in my life. Please come back. I have been an absolute disgrace over the past couple of months, but I know you have a kind heart and will forgive me for all the sins committed. I promise, I will obey and listen to you, but please give my life back to me. Hey, I am even ready to embarrass myself and sweat my ass off at the gym. All I want is for us to make things work again.

Guess what, as I write this letter to you, I am eating a plate full of garden fresh salad with a mild olive oil vinaigrette dressing. I added some garlic, some fresh herbs and spices, couple pieces of grilled chicken and you know what… It tastes absolutely out of this world. I do realise how I can make food tastier, but please I cannot do this alone.

Awaiting a healthy response.

P.S. I Love You