Last weekend, I was correct about the weather. It was dreadful. The weather, that is, not my forecasting. There's no stopping me now, not after I've got a single forecast kind of correct through copying other, more talented weathermen. My power grows exponentially. This weekend, though, we've got a doozy. Delkus tells us "severe storm are possible." Just drink that in for a moment, Dallas. Large hail. Damaging winds. Tornadoes. All of it are possible.

So, the same advice as last weekend applies, only minus a free Bruce Springsteen concert. Sunday will be terrible. If you've got weekend plans, do them on Saturday. Don't wait around for Sunday. It will be really shitty. Try putting your car inside a garage. Don't have one? Simply make a hole in your house large enough to fit a car through, and presto! Instant garage.

What is it with Sundays around here? Who did we piss off? Are too few of us going to church? Did you go to church last weekend? Is it your fault? Are we simply praying to the wrong God? What on earth will happen NEXT Sunday?

Saturday? Delightful. However, we'll all be inside securing our possessions and loved ones in preparation for Sunday, which isn't ideal. My tip is to cower in the bathroom underneath a mattress.

After Sunday, you know the drill. It'll get noticeably colder, then build up a little bit warmer and then a little bit warmer in preparation for the next thunderstorm, which will take place on Thursday. Really, is there any point owning things in this climate? I put it to you that there is not, and that you should sign all your possessions over to me, your friendly trustworthy weatherman.