Arsenal had Thomas Vermaelen sent off but Alessandro Diamanti missed a penalty as the home side won comfortably in the end

Preamble: Evenin' all. Hopefully this will be a ripsnorter of a late kick-off not the worst game ever, well worth forsaking a night down the pub for (which you're presumably doing, if you're reading this). In the event that it isn't, you can at least console yourself with the fact that you are not a) a Premier League footballer or b) a low-rent MBM hack and don't have to work on Saturday evenings.

Anyway, to the football. West Ham have a decent record at Arsenal in recent seasons, winning one (thanks to this little Bobby Zamora number), drawing one and losing one from three visits to the Emirates; and they were also the last team to win at Highbury, on the night Sol Campbell had his infamous 'mare.

Against that, Arsenal have won five in a row in the league, dragging their fragile title challenge along in the wake of Manchester United and Chelsea. They have also won six of their seven Saturday 5.30pm kick-offs, scoring 20 goals in the process (the one loss? 2-1 at Old Trafford in August). So where's your money? It's going to be a home win, isn't it ...?

Teams, anyone?

Arsenal: Almunia, Eboue, Campbell, Vermaelen, Clichy, Fabregas, Song, Denilson, Nasri, Bendtner, Arshavin.

Subs: Fabianski, Diaby, Sagna, Rosicky, Eduardo, Walcott, Silvestre.

West Ham: Green, Spector, Tomkins, Upson, Daprela, Diamanti, Kovac, Behrami, Stanislas, Mido, Franco.

Subs: Stech, Ilan, Cole, Noble, McCarthy, Ilunga, Spence.

Referee: Martin Atkinson (W Yorkshire)

Website of the day: Today's MBM is brought to you in association with the online home of Andrey Arshavin. The sections where Andrey answers questions from readers are well worth several minutes of your time. Here's an example:

Q: What do you think of ideological anarchism?

Arshavin: In order to give you an exhaustive explanation, I should thoroughly study this subject. So far I can't say anything.

Deadpan. Andrey gives it to you straight, yessir.

5.10pm: So, West Ham are without injured captain Scott Parker and have Carlton Cole, who is presumably being nursed through with an eye on the Hammers' next home game, against Wolves, on the bench. Arsenal rest Bacary Sagna, starting with Emmanuel Eboue at right-back, and have Cesc Fabregas back after two games out with a hamstring injury. Sol Campbell, partnering Thomas Vermaelen in defence, will be hoping that Mido and Guillermo Franco don't give him the sort of Harewood-Zamora working over that saw him hauled off at half-time (for Sebastian Larsson, no less) the last time he played in this fixture.

Good afternoon, USA: "It's actually a bright 1:30 kick-off here in the US, and I'm watching it in the comfort of my home," says Aidan Gibson. "Any ideas why Denilson gets the start ahead of Diaby? The only reason I can think of is his 30-yard strikes, including the one that assisted Bendtner's winner last weekend." I think it's probably an example of squad rotation – Denilson is fairly fresh and Nasri and Fabregas will be given a bit more freedom with the Brazilian sitting deep.

5.22pm: Shaka Hislop is predicting an Arsenal win; Kevin Keegan, touchingly, fears for West Ham. The Gunners will go top if they win, of course, if only for the best part of 24 hours. Here's some more Arshavin wisdom:

Q: Hi, what do you think about piercing?

Arshavin: I disapprove of it.

The Wonder of You is playing over the tannoy at the Emirates and there's a picture of Aaron Ramsey emblazoned on a giant flag fluttering in the breeze. They certainly seem to have coped better with the Ramsey incident better than they did with Eduardo two years ago.

Props to Kevin Mackenzie for digging this out:

Q: Hi Andrey! Please tell me, in your opinion, what is the most important thing for a footballer these days?

Arshavin: I think the most important thing is a head, not only for a footballer but for any person

The teams are out. My West Ham supporting colleague Jacob Steinberg says: "No Parker, no hope."

Peep! We're off and Junior Stanislas goes sprinting off down the left wing, slicing deep into Arsenal territory. He's hustled out by Alex Song and Cesc Fabregas and Arsenal win the throw-in.

1 min: Ask Andrey Arshavin and Gael Clichy combine down the left, and the French left-back's cross finds Samir Nasri on the far side of the box. He's quickly crowded out, though.

3 min: Franco is unable to control the ball on the edge of the Arsenal box after Kovac's centre. Almunia clears up. "Why would you assume that those reading your commentary would have forsaken a night at the pub? I'm at my local, reading your ramblings, and the cute waitress just brought a lit candle to my table saying that 'she thought I might like a nice romantic evening with my laptop'. The game, and your commentary, better be worth all this ridicule, Alan." Sounds like you're in there, Aleksi Pursiainen.

GOAL! Arsenal 1-0 West Ham (Denilson 5) That's why the Brazilian is starting! West Ham failed to clear properly, allowing Denilson to exchange passes with Nicklas Bendtner before striking a sweet shot with his laces into the bottom right-hand corner, past Robert Green's despairing dive.

6 min: Looks like this could be a very open one. Bendtner comes in from the left and isn't closed down, the Dane spanking a low effort which swerves past Green's right stick.

8 min: Alessandro Diamanti lines up his first free-kick of the evening, and hits it well, the ball rising and falling over the wall but not quite coming down enough. Almunia had to go for it though.

9 min: Song breaks up play and launches Arsenal on to the attack with Emmanuel Eboue. His ball into the middle is chested down by Bendtner to Fabregas, who finds Nasri and the Frenchman dinks a delightful pass over the West Ham backline for Denilson. The Brazilian doesn't connect properly this time, however, his volley bouncing tamely into Green's grasp.

11 min: Arsenal are weaving their web delicately around the edge of the Hammers' box. Nasri is almost played in on goal again after his flick found Fabregas and the Spaniard attempted to play it back into Nasri's path, but the ball runs out for a goal kick.

13 min: Nasri is on his knees after attempting to tackle Mido and injuring himself in the process. Mido and Zola then have what looks like a frank exchange of views on the touchline. Nasri limps off for treatment.

14 min: Bad puns? We love 'em. "I like the fact that Spector plays for the team that Martin Peters used to ghost in for, ten years ahead of his time. And Mido is a bit of a zombie too." B'dum tish, I believe is the response. Thank you, Gary Naylor.

15 min: Speaking of Spector and the like, Arshavin ghosts (yep, I did) past the West Ham right-back and his cross nearly finds Bendtner. Diamanti then releases Franco into the Arsenal half and his ball to the back post is just too heavy for Mido.

17 min: Nasri is back on, but Fabregas is almost immediately down, clutching at his leg after Kovac's tackle from behind. No need to worry, he seems all right.

20 min: It's quietened down a little, Arsenal merely probing gently rather than trying to tear the Hammers a new one. You fancy they'll give West Ham at least a couple of chances at some point, though. Song dispossesses Mido magnificently and then wins the foul himself.

21 min: Eboue, whose reputation has been remarkably rehabilitated this year, daintily picks a path towards the West Ham box before curling a low effort wide.

22 min: Arsenal then conjur another silken move, a series of one-touch passes culminating in Bendtner nutmegging James Tomkins but putting slightly too much on it for Nasri to be able to latch on to the ball.

23 min: Oh yes, I think we may have started something here. "Hey Alan, how many ghouls do you think Arsenal will score today?" tee-hees Mike.

25 min: West Ham briefly put their foot on the ball and start to knock it around in midfield, only for Fabregas to pinch it back. Arsenal hoard possession like your dad does the remote. Bendtner is then nearly slipped through one-on-one – but he's offside.

26 min: Valon Behrami fouls Fabregas from behind and the resultant free-kick is cleared from the vicinity of Sol Campbell's head by Mido. From the resultant corner West Ham break, but Nasri fouls Kovac and play is halted again.

28 min: A hairy moment for the home side. Diamanti gets in behind Eboue and, with Campbell and Vermaelen backpedalling furiously, elects not to shoot, rather tries to find Franco, a decision which allows Clichy to nip in front and clear. Could have a been a real chance, that.

30 min: Brian McCloskey is wondering "how many boo-kings will there be?" Which is certainly a better effort than Christian Wulff's "Fabreghast". Eboue plants a stud on Kovac's knee, but it appeared to be accidental.

32 min: That early goal seems to have sapped Arsenal's sense of urgency, and West Ham have been reasonably comfortable in defence for the last 10 minutes. Everyone is strolling a little, to be honest.

35 min: Both teams are playing pretty but largely ineffectual football in the middle of the park (no surprises there then). Bendtner then combines well with Eboue on the right, the Ivorian's cross-cum-shot flying in front of Rob Green and with too much on it for the sliding Andrey Arshavin at the back post.

37 min: Sol Campbell absolutely steams through Spector with both feet on the edge of the Arsenal box, but he got the ball. Diamanti then goes into the book for chopping down Bendtner from behind.

38 min: Ooh, you're going to wince ... "Given the Arsenal keeper's predilection for fluffing shots, and in keeping with the ghost theme, wouldn't "Allmoanhere" be a better name for him? At least from the crowd at The Emirates anyway." Paul Fox causes a few groans of his own.

39 min: Campbell is booked after launching into another sliding challenge, this time in the West Ham box after a corner to the home side. He's certainly getting stuck in, the old man of Arsenal.

41 min: Arsenal finally combine to good effect, Song releasing Clichy on the left whose ball into the path of Fabregas is perfectly weighted. Fabregas mucks up his effort on goal, however, as he bore down on Green from the left. The ball still bobbled across goal where Nasri was arriving at the back post, but Daprela shepherded it out for a corner.

PENALTY and RED CARD! Thomas Vermaelen is dismissed for pulling back Franco as the striker burst into the Arsenal area ...

MISSED PENALTY! But Manuel Almunia is equal to Diamanti's spot kick, diving to his left to palm away the shot. Not the best of hits from the Italian, but Almunia guessed the right way and it was at "a comfortable height for the goalkeeper". He was miles off his line, of course, but no one seems to care about that rule, do they?

45 min: That's the end of the half! Sorry about the gaps in commentary there, my system crashed just as Vermaelen saw red. So, Arsenal go in with the lead but down to 10 men. Stay tuned.

So let's try and clear that one up then. Vermaelen and Franco had a slight coming together after the striker had managed to get goalside (Vermaelen's error); Vermaelen then appeared to try and get a handful of Franco's shirt – but failed – before Franco collapsed to the turf as the ball bounced away from him. The linesman flagged to give it, rather than the ref. It was soft, let's be clear, but Vermaelen was culpable for letting Franco get past him in the first place.

Half-time emails: Someone calling themselves PA Gooner wants to make a couple of points: "1. It's not a missed penalty it is saved and 2. That was an appalling decision. No contact whatsoever. Refs can kill title challenges with decisions like that." Indeed, it was saved. But he still missed it.

"Not a red card; almost no contact, and its not even a DOGSO. Refereeing is so bad in England, isn't it?" Abuse from across the pond for Martin Atkinson from Aidan Gibson. To be fair, it was effectively the linesman who gave it, not the ref.

"Anyone else notice, just after the red card, Wenger's remonstration with the 4th official seemed to be observed by a rather awkward looking green dinosaur?" Jonny Mac is looking at the wider picture.

Let's have another tidbit from Andrey Arshavin:

Q: Hi Andrey, I bet nobody has ever asked you this and nobody ever will, I'm sure: what color is your bath sponge?

Arshavin: Blue.

Peep! Peep! It's bucketing down in north London as Atkinson blows his whistle to get the second half started.

46 min: Arsenal continue in much the same fashion as they left off, smoothly moving the ball across the pitch before Eboue fashions a cross which Arshavin nods over.

47 min: Several of you are emailing in with questions along the lines of this one from Luke: "Is that going to be a three or one game suspension for Vermaelen? Different sites are saying different things and nobody seems to know for sure. Will have a huge effect on our title chances if it's a three game ban with Gallas already out." Consensus on the desk here is that it will be a three-game ban, for a straight red/professional foul. Though I think Arsenal will undoubtedly appeal ...

49 min: I should point out that neither side has made any change at the halfway point, so Arsenal are continuing with Alex Song at the back, dropping in to partner Sol Campbell from midfield. Valon Behrami fires over a cross from the right but Manuel Almunia plucks it from the air.

51 min: Been caught absconding, as Judas Priest didn't quite say. "C'mon you went off for a 'comfort break' didn't you, no PC has crashed in years or are you an old school Windows 2000 advocate?" Michael Carter is sceptical – but I can honestly say the system (as in the one run by the Guardian's e-hamsters) went down.

52 min: Fabio Daprela goes scooting into the area burt Song produces an excellent tackle to clear him out. West Ham struggling to make their man advantage count at the moment ...

54 min: The Hammers haven't had the best of times playing against 10-men this season. They were leading against Fulham only to draw; ditto against Hull after being 2-0 up; and the same against Sunderland.

55 min: It looks like Carlton Cole could be about to enter the fray, though. Possibly Ilan, as well, reckons Jon Champion.

57 min: Franco is the man to come off, so it's not the most attacking of substitutions. Cole, West Ham's top scorer, comes on. Arsenal also make a change, with Bendtner being sacrificed for Abou Diaby.

58 min: Here's Jess Ziter with a pic to make you smile. "Regarding the point about the inappropriately prominent green dinosaur in the footage of Wenger speaking with the fourth official. The extinct animal in question was, of course, the Arsenal mascot Gunnersaurus. This isn't terribly interesting or surprising, but since this is a heavily Arshavin-influence MBM already, it provides me with a tenuous enough reason to justify a link to what is perhaps the most delightful photograph of a Premiership footballer that one can find on Google Images."

60 min: Mido finds Diamanti on the right and the Italian comes back inside to curl a low shot through a thicket of Arsenal defenders' legs and safely into the arms of Almunia. They're having a smidge more joy going forward now, the Hammers.

61 min: Emmanuel Eboue skips in from the right wing and is eventually stopped in his tracks by Matthew Upson's sliding tackle. It was late and the England man gets a yellow card.

62 min: Fabregas then bends a free-kick round the blind side of the wall but it doesn't come back enough to trouble Green.

64 min: Arsenal repeatedly try to tease their way through the West Ham defence, but end up teasing the Emirates crowd instead. Nasri's cross is dangerous but Arshavin hadn't gambled on going to the front post, to use the correct parlance.

66 min: Having one less person to pass to doesn't seem to deter the Gunners from their favourite pastime, you have to say. West Ham just can't get hold of the ball to do any damage at the moment. "It might be lashing down in North Landon but it's the first day of spring here in New York. Sun is shining and it's getting up to 75f. I'm off outside. This is going to go 1-1, then 2-1 and in stoppage time, 3-1 to the Arsenal." It's the first day of spring here too (or is it the 21st?) but rain is seasonal all year round here.

68 min: Diamanti sees a shot deflected fractionally wide of the Arsenal goal, but really not much is happening. The stage is yours, Jonathan Wittenburg: "Man U fan cheering on West Ham here. Diamanti sums up the Hammers as a side: glimpses of real ability and class overshadowed by being naïve and erratic. Feels like I hoping for a small miracle even with Arsenal a man down." I read the final word in that penultimate sentence as 'erotic' at first. Still works, though.

70 min: Eboue is fouled by Daprela after a customary tricky run (that was surely just waiting for a poor end product). Fabregas's dinked free-kick is cleared. "The linesman's decision to send Vermaelen off. He needs new 'spooktacles'. Or have you finished doing ghost related puns?" Certainly not, Ed Waters.

73 min: Understandably West Ham came into this match not expecting to get much out of it but they still seem disappointingly disinterested. It's like they're playing out the last 10 minutes of a game that's already well lost over and over again. Campbell nearly forces home a second for Arsenal, but connected with his chest rather than his head.

75 min: Benni McCarthy comes on for Mido, and soon warms Almunia's palms with a header from a Spector cross.

76 min: Diaby sails serenly through the West Ham defence and releases Arshavin, whose shot is too close to Green. Consensus on the desk has now changed to it being a one-match ban for Vermaelen, by the way.

77 min: Carlton Cole is almost on the money at last for West Ham, his low, skimming drive from the edge of the area pinging off the outside of Almunia's right post. Very tidy effort from the big man.

79 min: James Tomkins goes barging through the back of Clichy, conceding a free-kick down near the corner flag on the left. Fabregas's delivery is disappointing, going over several heads and off for a goal kick.

PENALTY to Arsenal! Bacary Sagna, who has come on for Arsenal, found Fabregas on the edge of the box and as he flicked it past Upson, the West Ham defender stuck out an arm. Definite penalty.

GOAL! Arsenal 2-0 West Ham (Fabregas 83) That should seal it for Arsenal, against a very unenterprising West Ham. Fabregas thumped his spot kick down the middle as Green went to his left, and the Gunners look like they're going top ...

85 min: The Emirates faithful are in full voice, lauding their captain. Eduardo, who has replaced Arshavin, wants the game's third penalty – but Atkinson gives the foul West Ham's way.

87 min: This from hopeful Spurs fan, T. Mukund Gujadhur: "Arsenal's next 3 domestic games are Birmingham (A), Wolves (H) and Spurs (A). Please, please, please, it has to be 3 games suspension for Vermaelen, we might have a chance if we are up against Silvestre, comfortably the worst signing of Wenger, especially because he plays now and then."

88 min: There has been very little discernible difference between 10-man Arsenal and 11-man Arsenal this evening. West Ham have given them a very easy ride. There might even be a third in this one, as Eduardo nearly goes clean through.

90 min: Cole does well to control a through-ball from Stanislas into the gap between Song and Clichy, the striker shifting the ball out from under his feet and then hitting a rising drive that flies just over. There'll be three minutes more of West Ham meekness.

90+2 min: Eboue is moaning about something or other. The ref pats him on the head and tells him to go away. Jim Walker disagrees that West Ham haven't been up for this. "I must say that Spector's team have played with the right spirit here today!"

Peep! Peep! Peep! A huge roar goes up to greet the final whistle. What could have been a testing occasion for Arsenal turned into a bit of a stroll in the end.

Postamble: Dubious red card and penalty drama aside, that was a fairly run-of-mill victory for Arsenal. West Ham seemed resigned to defeat after falling behind so early and, Carlton Cole excepted, didn't really offer much going forward. That's six wins in a row for Arsenal now, and they're certainly showing some resolve. The only question mark hangs over Vermaelen's suspension – whether it's one or three games and whether Arsenal attempt to overturn it. In the spirit (ho ho) of today's pun-fest, I'll leave you with this from David Wall: "This entire game has been so predictable, as if both teams are playing to an old familiar script. Is that what we have to expect from Arsenal for the rest of the season, while Wenger persists in turning out a tired Clichy?"