After my last two Medium posts, I felt like I was on a roll. I felt like I could keep cranking out solid material indefinitely. I felt like the digital world was my oyster. But before I knew it, the days started passing by faster and faster and I realized I wasn’t writing enough. Sure, I jotted down a few journal entries here and there and I hatched vague, tentative plans for an in-depth analysis of global solidarity efforts between nations like China, Cuba, and Iran in the face of increasingly vicious economic sanctions imposed by good old Uncle Sam. But where was the spark that pushed me into the “top writers” club? Where was my voracious motivation and creativity when I needed it most?

So, today, I came up with a plan. “I need to crank out something about politics and current events today,” I told myself. (And no, I don’t actually talk to myself… very often.) “Then I can dedicate about a week or so to a better, more detailed piece.” I browsed Twitter and Reddit for a while, but most of the stories I saw were either extremely depressing — causing my stomach to moan with hopelessness — or they were stories I’ve essentially covered or at least mentioned already.

For instance, there’s the mainstream media’s silence in the face of a credible sexual assault (rape) allegation against presidential candidate Joe Biden. And, by the way, I do admit I was naive to think this might be Biden’s “Me Too moment.” It should have been apparent that partisan politics would prevail over actual deeply-held, consistent moral concerns. Plus I’m just sick of thinking about Biden and how his cognitive decline, his absence during this crisis, and his disdain for progressive values all mirror the decline of the Democratic Party establishment and the decline of American society more broadly. Then I saw a mildly infuriating (if that’s even possible) article about how Biden has recently clarified his opposition to Medicare for All. I knew I had to try to think about other topics.

I put the China articles I was reading on hold (all 18 of them) and saved them in a bookmarks folder on my browser. I opened maybe a dozen articles about current events and some political analyses as well. My new plan was to read and take notes on each article and maybe, eventually, some pattern would emerge and I’d have a rough thesis. I already wrote about how direct action, strikes, working-class solidarity, and radicalization were very timely and important during this crisis. Lots of the articles I browsed through just reiterated that capitalism is responsible for the worst aspects of this ongoing pandemic. Again, I felt like I had mentioned this theme sufficiently in some of my most recent posts. What could I possibly add to the discussion?

Eventually, I realized it was okay if I couldn’t muster the mental strength and Zen-like patience to analyze the current situation any further. The general stress and paranoia of my own material conditions were taking their toll on me (especially after news that my unemployment benefits would only cover about 60% of my previous wages). On top of that, the symptoms from my chronic allergies had reached an intolerable level due to the high pollen count in my area. Packaging this dystopian reality into a neat, little, analytical box seemed completely overwhelming.

While inevitably retiring to my phone and mindlessly scrolling through social media posts, I began to notice lots of content regarding “self-care.” I quickly realized that now was probably a good time to take the concept seriously. Since journaling has always been relatively easy for me, I decided to simply write a journal entry about my current struggles as a writer. We’re all struggling in various ways during this unprecedented tribulation. Our futures are completely uncertain and there’s only so much we can do each day. Sometimes we just need to take a break and breathe.