Movies teach us important lessons, like "The power was in you all along" or "If you travel back in time, don't have sex with your ancestors, even if they're really hot." For the most part, we're all happy to agree that "Love conquers all" and "We're stronger together" and "Werewolves really should be allowed to play basketball." But sometimes, Hollywood tricks us into thinking that because these lessons should be true, they are true. But in reality, if a werewolf tried to play high school basketball, he'd be shot in the face by Betsy DeVos.

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The most insidious of these lessons is also the most prevalent and heartwarming: The good guys win because they're good and do good things. I'm sorry to say that sometimes the good guys lose, the bad guys win, and they never get their comeuppance. Just ask the Native Americans.

Currently, Democrats are debating whether or not to filibuster the nomination of Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court. On one hand, this is an incredibly important seat and could tip the balance of the Supreme Court for a generation. On the other, it would be pretty damn hypocritical of Democrats to filibuster a Supreme Court nominee for political reasons, since that's exactly what they criticized Republicans for doing for the last year of the Obama presidency. Is it that "All's fair in love and war" or should we, you know, stick to the Geneva Convention? (Note: The Geneva Convention only applies to the "war" part. The "love" part is still pure fucking anarchy.) The problem is that taking the high road won't stop MegaScalia 2.0 from being seated in the Supreme Court for life. "Wait," says a doe-eyed animated bunny, "Why not both? Why not take the high road AND stop this from-" Then the bunny gets eaten by a vicious owl, because this is real life and it's riddled with vicious owls.