12. What are we careful not to do?

12 Of course, we are careful not to pry into matters that a fellow Christian prefers to keep private. (1 Thess. 4:11) What, though, can we do for those who need and want help and comfort? Let us consider five Scriptural ways in which we may offer comfort.

13. As related at 1 Kings 19:5-8, what did Jehovah’s angel do for Elijah, and how might we imitate the angel?

13 Offer practical help. When the prophet Elijah was on the run for his life, he was so discouraged that he wished for death. Jehovah sent a mighty angel to visit that discouraged man. The angel provided very practical help. He gave Elijah a hot meal and encouraged him to eat. (Read 1 Kings 19:5-8.) That account illustrates a useful truth: Sometimes a simple act of practical kindness can do a great deal of good. Perhaps a meal, a modest gift, or a thoughtful card would assure a downhearted brother or sister of our love and concern. If we feel uncomfortable discussing very personal or painful subjects, perhaps we can still give such practical help.

14. What lesson can we learn from the account about Elijah?

14 Make distressed ones feel safe and comfortable. We may learn another lesson from the account about Elijah. Jehovah miraculously gave the prophet the help he needed to go all the way to Mount Horeb. Perhaps at that remote spot, where Jehovah had made his covenant with his people centuries earlier, Elijah felt safe. He may have felt that he was, at last, far out of the reach of those who sought to do him harm. What lesson may we draw? If we want to offer comfort to victims of abuse, we may need first to help them feel safe. For instance, elders should keep in mind that a distressed sister may feel safer and more comfortable having a cup of tea in a relaxed setting at home than she would in a Kingdom Hall conference room. Another might feel the opposite.

We can provide healing by listening patiently, praying earnestly, and choosing comforting words (See paragraphs 15-20)

15-16. What is involved in being a good listener?

15 Be a good listener. The Bible offers this clear advice: “Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak.” (Jas. 1:19) Are we good listeners? We might tend to think of listening as a passive act​—as if it means nothing more than staying still, looking at the person, and saying nothing. But good listening involves more than that. For example, Elijah finally poured out his anguished feelings to Jehovah, and Jehovah truly listened. Jehovah perceived that Elijah was scared, felt alone, and thought that all his work had been for nothing. Jehovah lovingly addressed each concern. He showed that he had truly listened to Elijah.​—1 Ki. 19:9-11, 15-18.

16 How can we show sympathy and tender compassion​—which are expressions of love—​while listening? At times, a few tactful, warm words may show how we feel. You might say: “I am so sorry that happened to you! No child should be treated that way!” Perhaps you could ask a question or two to make sure you understand what the anguished friend is saying. You might ask, “Can you please help me understand what you mean?” or “When you said that, I concluded . . . Did I get it right?” Such loving expressions may assure the person that you are truly listening, trying to make sure that you understand.​—1 Cor. 13:4, 7.

17. Why should we be patient and “slow to speak”?

17 Be careful, though, to remain “slow to speak.” Do not interrupt to give advice or to correct the person’s thinking. And be patient! When Elijah finally poured out his heart to Jehovah, he spoke in strong terms, expressing anguish. Later, after Jehovah strengthened Elijah’s faith, the man poured out his feelings again, using the very same words. (1 Ki. 19:9, 10, 13, 14) The lesson? Sometimes distressed ones need to pour out their heart more than once. Like Jehovah, we want to listen patiently. Rather than trying to provide solutions, we offer sympathy and tender compassion.​—1 Pet. 3:8.

18. How can our prayers prove to be comforting to those who are in pain?

18 Pray earnestly with the one in pain. Those who are very low in spirits may feel unable to pray. A person may feel unworthy to approach Jehovah. If we want to comfort such a person, we may offer a prayer with that one, using his or her name. We may express to Jehovah how dear the downhearted one is to us and to the congregation. We may ask Jehovah to soothe and comfort that precious sheep of his. Prayers of that kind can be profoundly comforting.​—Jas. 5:16.

19. What might help us to prepare to comfort someone?

19 Choose words that heal and console. Think before you speak. Thoughtless words can hurt. Kind words can heal. (Prov. 12:18) So pray to Jehovah for help to find kind, comforting, soothing words. Keep in mind that no words are more powerful than Jehovah’s own expressions contained in the Bible.​—Heb. 4:12.

20. Of what may bad experiences have convinced some, and of what do we want to remind them?

20 Past abuse may have convinced some that they are dirty, worthless, or unloved​—even unlovable. What a terrible lie! So use the Scriptures to remind them of their true value in Jehovah’s eyes. (See the box “Comfort From the Scriptures.”) Remember how an angel kindly strengthened the prophet Daniel when he was feeling weak and low. Jehovah wanted that dear man to know that he was precious. (Dan. 10:2, 11, 19) Likewise, our anguished brothers and sisters are precious to Jehovah!

Comfort From the Scriptures What scriptures have been especially comforting to survivors of sexual abuse? A great many could be listed, but these are just a few that offer comfort. Below each Scripture citation is either a comment or a quotation showing how the verses may be applied in a helpful way. JOB 34:22-28 In some cases, abusers may seem to get away with their wicked deeds. But they cannot hide from Jehovah, who hears the cries of their victims. Trusting in Jehovah’s justice can help us find peace. PSALM 62:8 “As that verse encourages, I poured out my heart before Jehovah, and I begged him for comfort and for a sound heart and mind. Through constant prayer to Jehovah, I gradually found real comfort and peace of mind.”​—An elder who was sexually abused when he was about nine.​—See also Psalm 56:8-13. ISAIAH 41:10, 13 These verses paint a comforting picture of Jehovah as a loving, protective Father who helps his servants during hard times. God’s people around the world have experienced the truthfulness of those words, including in the wake of abuse. ISAIAH 32:1, 2 “I turned to the elders for help. They sat down with me on several occasions and took their time talking to me. They showed personal interest and listened carefully. They prayed with me and for me.”​—A Christian sister who was molested at about age six. 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4, 7 Keep those verses in mind when listening to someone disclose past abuse. Avoid expressions of disbelief or skepticism. Many abusers tell children that if they report the abuse, no one will believe them. Some children grow up thinking that. So focus instead on the very real pain of your fellow Christian, and offer what comfort you can. 2 CORINTHIANS 10:4, 5 Sexual abuse can teach young ones to believe lies, but God’s inspired Word can overturn even the most entrenched of satanic lies. 1 JOHN 3:19, 20 When our heart condemns us unfairly, we must remember that Jehovah “is greater than our hearts and knows all things.” His Word can reassure us of this truth: We are precious in God’s eyes. See chapter 24 of the book Draw Close to Jehovah.

21. What future awaits all unrepentant wrongdoers, but what should we all be resolved to do in the meanwhile?

21 When we comfort others, we remind them of Jehovah’s love. And we must never forget that Jehovah is also a God of justice. No wicked act of abuse is really hidden. Jehovah sees all, and he will not let unrepentant wrongdoers go unpunished. (Num. 14:18) Meanwhile, let us do all we can to show love to those who have experienced abuse. Moreover, how comforting it is to know that Jehovah will permanently heal all those who have been abused by Satan and his world! Soon, these painful things will never again come up into the mind or heart.​—Isa. 65:17.