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All Boris Johnson had to do was hold a four day conference where his membership weren't in open revolt against him and his backdrop didn't fall apart.

That would have made his first party conference as leader a success compared both to the opposition and to his predecessor Theresa May .

Of course, he wasn't going to manage that.

But nobody could have predicted how spectacularly the wheels would fall off.

The Manchester Central conference venue was the closest thing you could imagine to a Thick of It theme park.

A 24-hour, immersive omnishambles experience - where every interview is a blinky Ben Swayne special and every speech ends by "calling app Britain."

So behold, eleven moments from Tory Conference that were so Thick of It they may as well have been written by Armando Iannucci.

1. 'No. Disposable. Cups'

This will truly be a video moment for the ages. Boris Johnson was handed a much-needed cup of coffee between early morning interviews this morning by one aide...only to have it snatched away by another, who whispered: "No. Disposable. Cups."

2. Police getting involved following an ‘incident’ with a senior Tory MP...

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Geoffrey Clifton-Brown, the treasurer of the 1922 Committee, tried to get his fiancee into the conference's International Lounge.

Sadly, she was not in possession of the correct pass, and when she was stopped, Mr Clifton-Brown 'remonstrated' with a member of staff.

(Image: Getty Images)

The whole area was placed on lockdown, the police were called - and eventually he was thrown out of the Conference and told to go home.

3. ...just before Priti Patel declared the Tories 'the party of law and order'

We know they say you should open your conference speech with a joke, but saying this just after one of your MPs has been speaking to the police is pretty edgy stuff.

4. She then went on to attack the 'north London metropolitan liberal elite', despite being from north London

Priti Patel was born in Islington, North London, to parents who lived in Harrow, North London.

5. When cases and cases of Champagne turned up while MPs were discussing poverty and homelessness

(Image: Julian Hamilton/Daily Mirror)

6. When Andrea Leadsom went on about Boris Johnson's 'pizzazz' and it went down like a Leadsom balooon

7. And when Liz Truss said her job was 'selling Britain' and 'believe me, people are buying'. And it was clear that Eric Pickles was not buying

8. When Housing Minister Esther McVey got super-excited about '3D architecture'

9. When Boris Johnson claimed he'd never heard of the row over Naga Munchetty's comments about Donald Trump

10. And he insisted on having a nice, high-backed chair instead of a stool

11. And then there's the emergence of a picture of Sir Desmond Swayne MP proudly wearing blackface