Posters started popping up in the Highlands as well as Twitter stating “Louisvilles The Surge Friday August 15th 830PM – 630AM”. The poster is referring to the movie “The Surge” where the popular softdrink, Surge, can be drank all night starting at 830PM without being grounded or fired from your job. Parents and bosses all over the city are hoping it’s a cruel hoax.

“This stuff is loaded with sugar and caffeine,” said local mother Karen Duffy. “I’m not playing this game. If any of my kids come home with green tongues, I’m grounding all of them.”

News outlets all over the city are warning people not to go overboard on Surge tonight, saying, 6-7 bottles of the stuff can cause cavities, anxiety and even cause you to go #1 where #2 generally comes out.

“We have to remember the movie is fake,” said Home Town Buffet Manager, Tim Dwyer. “You’re not gonna down 6 cans of Surge and start hacking into mainframes. It just doesn’t happen like that in the real world. You have to go to college and study mainframes like the rest of us if you want to learn to be elite.”

Gas station owners are preparing for a surge of “Surgers” tonight as everyone from kids to adults are expected to show up to purchase loads of the soda.

“If you want be truly, 100 percent pure phreaker, you will need to drink at least 8,” said a convenience store clerk on Shelbyville Road. “When else can you drink the Surge without any disciplinary action? You must take advantage. You must.”

Parents and bosses are planning on letting the evening take it’s course, but say they hope a lesson is learned from whatever happens tonight.

“They’re gonna be the ones that have to deal with the consequences,” said Dwyer. “I told them all before starting the lunch shift today, if anyone has #3 tomorrow after a night of surging I won’t be there to wipe their butts. And I made it clear they can’t call me tonight, in the middle of surging, to ask me questions about the mainframes they’re trying to bypass, or the backdoors they’re trying to gain access to.”

At press time Lexington is trying to start a similar night, but with gravy and diet Big K.

Frank Thompson

Germantown Times

August 2014