The Blue Magazine: You were shot and survived a serious gunshot wound on your fourth day on the job. How did that affect your future with the ATF?

Jay Dobyns: With absolutely no training whatsoever, I was taken hostage and shot in the back. The bullet went through my lung and exited my chest. I was dying. Luckily, I quickly received emergency medical treatment. Liability attorneys were guaranteeing me millions of dollars if I would allow them to sue the government. I refused. All I wanted to do was get back to work and be better.

That night you were shot, you were held hostage inside a vehicle with the suspect and chose to drop your car keys to lean down and give your team an opportunity to shoot. Tell us about that experience.

I can’t offer heroic advice; I was scared. I decided that if I was to die, it would be while my partners had an opportunity to help me or gain retribution, not by assisting the suspect to escape only to be assassinated on my knees 20 miles down the road. My first thought was to floor it and ram us into a telephone pole. That plan would likely leave me shot, and crushed, so I decided on a simpler plan and rolled the dice.

In your book, there were a lot of parallels between your UC experience and that of Joe Pistone as Donnie Brasco. There were several moments in the movie that showed Donnie temporarily believing he was "one of them (mobsters)." Were there any moments where you felt the same way?

Joe is a legend, a friend and a hero to me. If there was a Mt. Rushmore for UC officers, Joe’s face would be the first one carved in the granite. While UC I developed close, personal relationships. There is no doubt in my mind that while in a role, some of the suspects I had befriended would have stepped in front of a bullet for Jaybird (his UC role). But I never lost sight of who’s team I was on.

What would you tell someone considering long-term UC work in regard to managing their family life?

This is my biggest regret in life. My UC role became more than what I did, it became who I was. That is very dangerous. I am humiliated to now have to admit that I abandoned and betrayed my own wife and kids in exchange for some false, hero-worship legacy that never came true. In the end, the people who loved me the most, Gwen, Dale and Jack, I treated the shittiest. That is something I am still trying to overcome.

During your UC operation of the Hells Angels, your book mentions the binge-drinking, drug-fueled parties. How did you control your alcohol intake?

When I drank, I did my best to stay in moderation. If I let myself get out of control, I would create a real threat to my beloved team. They could die trying to save me from my own bad decisions. That was always on my mind. Were there times when I had one too many? Yes. But I was smart enough to surround myself with amazing partners who could fix problems better than I could.

Surely drugs were offered to you. What was your strategy to avoid doing drugs without looking like a chump?

There are laws, policies, and ethics that say we can’t. The experts learn ways to avoid those compromising situations and maintain their cover. It is a skillset that is acquired over time and with experience.