LOS ANGELES — Even though I’m a huge sports fan, I had never been to a professional soccer game because I’m an American idiot.



I thought I would cross that milestone off my list by attending the U.S. women’s national team’s friendly against the Republic of Ireland at the Rose Bowl a few weeks ago. And while I was pumped to witness living legends gallop around the pitch, the exhibition game felt more like an extension of Team USA’s breezy victory tour than a continuation of its thrilling World Cup dominance. (Megan Rapinoe and Alex Morgan didn’t even play). And because it looks like it will be a while before L.A. gets a women’s pro team (seriously WTF, NWSL?). I thought I’d check out a local men’s pro team.



My editors thought it would be funny to buy me a Fitbit and send me into the most hardcore MLS rooting section in the country and see how many steps I accrued and how many calories I torched. And while my...