Anonymous asked: can you explain why "straight passing privilege" isnt a thing? bc i thought that it was but i'm ready for you to explain to me why i'm wrong. here's what i thought: two straight people can be in a relationship and safely go out in public without being harassed, whereas two gay people cannot, so the straight people have privilege. if a bisexual man is in a relationship with a woman, he can safely go out in public, but if he's with a man, he cannot, so he sometimes has privilege.

okay here we go.

first, as an anon just pointed out, that idea of straight passing privilege is inherently cissexist. it assumes society can accurately gauge the genders of people in a relationship, which is just not true.

second, straight passing privilege implies that bisexuals in m/f relationships are as safe as heterosexuals in m/f relationships, which is patently untrue. take for example the fact that about 60% of bi women experience intimate partner abuse, and 90% of them report only being abused by their male partners. i’m doing some quick math here, but that makes bi women about 4 or 5 times more likely to be abused by their male significant others—boyfriends, husbands, whatever—than straight women. the privilege dynamics for bisexuals in m/f relationships are completely different from those of straight people in m/f relationships.

third, the idea of straight passing privilege when discussed primarily or exclusively in how it affects bisexuals and other multisexuals pretty much ignores how heteronormativity works. people don’t just assume someone is straight when they’re in a m/f relationship. regardless of your sexual orientation, the vast majority of people are going to assume you’re straight all the time unless you are doing something specifically coded as being romantic or sexual with someone of the same gender (or someone who is assumed to be the same gender) at that exact moment. still in the closet? straight. went out to grab dinner with someone of a different gender than you? straight. hanging out with your friends? straight. stepped out of the house to get milk? straight.

this goes even further for bi and lesbian women—if you are doing something romantic/sexual with another woman and there is literally any way society can construe it as being either (a) a sign of your deep platonic affection for one another or (b) an exhibition for the male gaze, you’re still assumed to be straight. like i could go to a party right now and have a hard core make out session with my best female friend (who is also bisexual, btw), and people who didn’t know us would probably still assume we were straight. heteronormativity at its finest. the point of this being that if straight passing privilege were a thing, it would apply to gay and lesbian people too. the only reason we only ever talk about straight passing privilege in terms of bisexuals is biphobia, plain and simple.

fourth, privilege is itself not as simple as ‘can you go out in public without being harassed’. if that were the case, we would be talking about how straight cis girls who prefer to dress in ways perceived to be masculine don’t have privilege because people are more likely to assume they’re lesbians. which is, like, what? it makes no sense. privilege, and likewise oppression, manifest themselves in many ways beyond outright harassment. it’s why bisexuals, regardless of their relationship status and whether or not they’re out, are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, suicidality, poverty, drug and alcohol abuse, etc. than are straight people. being in a m/f relationship doesn’t suddenly make us comfortable to talk about our sexual orientation (in fact, it often makes us more uncomfortable), or suddenly see our sexuality represented in mainstream pop culture. if you check out any straight privilege checklist, i think you’ll find that the vast majority of things listed do not apply to bisexuals even if they are currently in a m/f relationship. that’s just how it is.

so in conclusion, straight passing privilege is based on the idea that bisexuals in m/f relationships are ‘basically straight’ and it doesn’t work like that at all.