Length 1:36:47 Date: May 28, 2016

by Dr. Susan Block

What a grand, show-stopping, bra-popping, all-American celebration of bonoboësque FemDoms, spanking hot politics, beating Trump-dumping and smoking masturbation! Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Spankers and Wankers, it’s our Memorial Day Weekend Masturbation Month ClimaxXx and, having just emerged from a triumphal presentation of The Bonobo Way: A New FemDom Paradigm for Humanity at a fabulous DomCon 2016, we revel in the patriotic erotic blaze of this sensational masturbational DomCon Afterparty fit for a FemDom Queen.

Or a FemDom President? First up on my Old Glory-bedecked broadcast bed is one of the leading Dommes of DomCon and registered 2016 United States Presidential candidate Mistress Tara Indiana. Last seen on DrSuzy.Tv celebrating Den of Iniquity’s 20th anniversary and her own 25th year as a Pro-Domme, I first met the alluring Ms. Tara at the Cinekink Film Festival world premiere of Dr. Suzy’s Squirt Salon in 2005. Little did I know that the year before, this sexy, voluptuous and preternaturally entrepreneurial Mistress (who I remember thinking was very down-to-Earth for a FemDom) had been a featured guest on Jon Stewart’s Daily Show during the 2004 Republican convention, educating America on how much these chickenhawk GOPers loved and truly needed to be spanked, ball-gagged and humiliated.

Now Ms. Tara has put her bonoboësque FemDom philosophy into political action, running for President at this critical and surreal time in our nation’s history. She is also doing something that no other progressive candidate has done: show U.S. voters just how she will *beat* Donald Trump (with a hat tip to Marcus Nehemiah) in November.

PHOTO 1: ONO BO. PHOTOS 2 & 3: ALEX SAGLIMBENI

We first saw Ms. Tara beating Small-Hands Drumpf at Mistress Cyan’s DomCon LA Opening Night. On this show, we are honored and tickled to have Candidate Tara show us not only how she will beatthis internationally irritating, “short-fingered vulgarian,” but how she will humiliate him, slap his tiny hands and ball-gag his big mouth. With a presidential flourish, she also unzips the Donald’s fly, pushes aside his Hello Kitty keys and pulls out his miniscule member, which closely resembles a baby carrot. Then she pretty much castrates the narcissistic loudmouth and forces him to eat his own baby carrot, in a move worthy of a CIA torture specialist. Brava Tara!

I’m excited for Tara’s candidacy partly because it reminds me of my own run for the U.S. presidency in 1992 (the year Max and I got married!), as well as my Vice Presidential bid in 2008 when I was running mate to the late great Frank Moore.

PHOTOS: ONO BO

A generous politician who understands the bonoboësque principles of female solidarity, Tara encourages me to book-spank the Donald. Feels good to whack that sexist selfish bully’s butt with The Bonobo Way! Even Dayton Rains gets in on the act, despite her protestations of not having a FemDom bone in her hot body, lustily paddling the Donald so hard she practically sends him soaring into the Bonoboville bar. Not-so-secretly a supporter, aka a chump for Trump, she then French-kisses his big creepy mouth as we spank her. With so many chumps for Trump—even right amongst us in Bonoboville!—we deeply need candidates like Tara who will put this deeply pathetic pretender in his true place… below our feet.

A rather different politician who is soundly beating the Donald with the power of her plain-spoken rhetoric is marvelous Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, a political FemDom with a passionate FanDom. And it just so happens that Tara Indiana bears a striking resemblance to Senator Warren, give or take a pair of wire-rims and a hair trim. If Hillary will get the message and tap feisty professorial Warren as her running mate for a real FemDom Presidential ticket, then Nina Hartley and Tara can be the X-rated dopplegangers for Hillary and Elizabeth.

Speaking of FemDom fandoms, several of my telephone sex therapy clients are big fans of Mistress Tara. That’s another reason I feel she just might fulfill her campaign promise to “whip America back into shape, one middle-aged white man at a time.”

Like most American politicians, Tara’s got religion. She’s a self-confessed “Daddy’s Girl” whose Daddy was a rabbi, and she even taught a class at DomCon 2016 on “BDSM & God” (reminds me of the “Sex & God” Master’s Tea I gave at Sex Week at Yale 2008. She takes Bonoboville Communion with Agwa from “Best Altar Girl 2015” Dayton Rains’ gorgeous gazangas with glad-handing gusto, like a true candidate downing the local brew at a campaign stop saloon or kneeling to pray in a village church.

And yes indeed, Bonoboville Communion brings out the bare naked boobies like Memorial Day brings out the flags. Which brings me to our second featured guest, the always lovely Goddess LeeAnn, another tantalizing Domina that we caught up with at DomCon 2016 and who has often graced our stage. Like an X-rated Mother Mary, Goddess LeeAnn cordially bares her voluminous 38DDDs to the talented tongue of our third featured guest, Jacquie Blu in blue, aka TSJacquie, who accepts her Ron de Jeremy rum-soaked “Bonoboville Waterboarding” with aplomb and nary a spilt drop.

Jacquie may be a virgin to DrSuzy.Tv, but she knows bonobos, having been a most attentive and enthusiastic student in my DomCon Bonobo Way class. More of a subby than a Domme, Jacquie eagerly submits to my request to strip down and give us a little body-caressing, masturbatory anatomy lesson. Listen above or watch the archive on DrSuzy.Tv to see what we learn about hormones and horniness.

PHOTOS: ONO BO

Bringing us to the edge of our Masturbation Month Climaxxx/Memorial Day BBQ, we have the one and only Dayton Rains—porn star, therapist and associate producer for DrSuzy.Tv—smoking a stiff Cavi Cone from her Olympics-worthy kegel muscles. And when I say smoking, I mean smoldering billowing plumes of primo THC issuing forth from the netherlips of Our Goddess Venus of Cannabis, as she blows her healing smoke into the gaping mouths of Jacquie and U.S. Presidential Candidate Tara who, after getting a lungful of Dayton’s fumes, proclaims, “I did not inhale.”

PHOTOS 1 & 2: ONO BO. PHOTO 3: UNSCENE ABE



We happen to have a nice dildo shaped remarkably like the former U.S. President who uttered that inane comment, as well as “I did not have sexual relations with that women.”

We lovingly call it our “Billdo.” And although he was better and more lovable than most Commanders-in-Chief of our misbegotten generation, he stumbled badly yet again when he fired Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders, instead of applauding her for recommending that schools teach students that masturbation is a form of safe sex in their sex education courses, likes they do in Sweden and Norway.

I ask Candidate Tara what her Masturbation Policy would be, should she win the White House. “Some would be in the Jack-Off Program, and some in chastity,” she replies prudently yet teasingly.

So a very Merry Masturbation Month to all. And if you need a hand—large or small—give us a call! The climax of Masturbation Month and Memorial Day weekend is a forced marriage of strange bedfellows that happens every year. So manhandle those hot dogs, boys! Mash those potatoes, ladies.

And as I noted in this journal a few Memorial Day/Masturbation Month Climaxes ago: We are the Masturbation Nation serving the Multi-National Corporations of America (even if they’re based in Hong Kong). And so, on this solemn weekend, we salute the troops who have given the ultimate gift—their precious lives—for this community we call our nation. We appreciate their service and the risk they take in the military jobs lottery (join up and spin the roulette wheel to see if you wind up with a subsidized education or your legs blown off!). But we do not salute or support the Perma-War they fight against other nations, whose citizens also happen to masturbate, even if they have never heard of Masturbation Month. These other nations may have very different concepts of God, morality, honor, love and death. But we all enjoy manhandling our horny hot dogs and/or mashing our pretty potatoes from time to time. That’s part of what it means to be human, and to accept it in ourselves and others is part of what it means to be humane. Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners of all Masturbation Nations around the world: Whether your particular nation condemns masturbation as the most evil sin you can commit or just considers anyone who jacks or jills off to be a pathetic “sex addict,” we all do it, at least sometimes (or even several times a day!). We are one world in wanking.

PHOTO 1: MAX. PHOTO 5: UNSCENE ABE

Cum, let us play… And make peace through pleasure. The bonobos show us the way.

Shout out to Carrie Weisman for including my expertise in her new Alternet “anal” article, and a boola-boola to Yale Alumni Magazine for including The Bonobo Way (on page 20 in this month’s issue!) in their “Summer Reading 2016” list of Yale authors.

Next stop: AASECT 2016!

© May 29, 2016. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.