(This happens while I am working at a Christian book store that also sells other “Christian” items. This particular incident involves a customer’s dissatisfaction with a child’s toy called the “Armor of God,” which includes a sword, a shield, and armor.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Hello, I would like a refund for a toy I bought my son last week called the ‘Armor of God.'”

Me: “I can help you with that. Can I please have the order number?”

Caller: “Yes, the order number is [number].”

Me: “Now, was the item defective or damaged in any way, or are you simply dissatisfied with the product?”

Caller: “The toy is possessed.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “The moment my son put on the armor he started screaming and running around, attacking everything with the sword. The toy is possessed and I want a full refund. Frankly, I’m shocked that a store advertising Christian products would sell something like this!”

Me: “Okay, well, if you box up the items, I can send you a return shipping label. When the toy arrives at our warehouse you will receive a full refund.”

Caller: “You want it back?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund unless the item is returned.”

Caller: “I’m afraid that’s impossible.”

Me: “Has the toy been damaged in some way?”

Caller: “No, I buried it.”

Me: “What?”

Caller: “It was possessed by a demon, so I buried it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but if that’s the case, I’m afraid I cannot give you a refund.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, you buried the toy in the ground. You’re refusing to return it and the toy is ruined anyway. Per company policy, I cannot give you a refund.”

Caller: “Are you serious? First, you sell me a possessed toy, putting my family in danger, and now you refuse to give me my money back? I demand to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am, but first have you considered that possibly the toy isn’t possessed and that your son was just play fighting?”

Caller: “How dare you! Do you think I don’t know the difference? Do you think I’m lying? My son has never acted this way before. The toy is possessed and I am owed a refund. I demand to speak to your manager! I have never been so insulted!”

Me: “Let me place you on hold while I transfer you to my supervisor…”