So you’ve decided you want to jump into the world of sugaring but don’t want to have sex with your Sugar Daddy— Fear not! Sleeping with someone isn’t mandatory when having a Sugar Daddy. You just need to be prepared for an uphill battle, and a more grueling search in general.

The first thing you’ll need to do is define your boundaries.Sit down and realistically think through what exactly you are comfortable with and what you’re not because these men are going to ask exactly what they’re getting out of it, if not sex. Maybe you’re okay with the thought of kissing them, but not having sex. Maybe holding hands sounds fine, or maybe none of this.

The next thing you’re going to want to do is perfect your profile. Spell check your shit— Twice. Just to make sure. Nothing says amateur like gramatical errors. Make it funny, or a little silly. Show your personality. Since sex isn’t on the table you don’t have to be ultra seductive; You just have to be interesting, clever, and flirty.

Once you’ve put your awesome profile up, you’re going to want to respond to the messages you receive. I know, the thought of responding to these dudes can be intimidating but you won’t get anyone if you don’t Nike that shit. The majority of these dudes won’t ever respond to you after you send them your message. This is fine. They’re not the guys for you anyway.

After getting shit for responses I got discouraged, and when I get discouraged I get angry, and when I get angry I turn green and start smashing everythi- Oh wait. No. That’s not right at all. Actually I just start being an asshole which, as it turns out, men love! Well, sort of. [Tip] Men like someone who they can debate with. I stopped giving a shit what I said and would message them back calling them out on having shitty profiles, or on sending lame messages, and though some blocked me (weenies!) most just turned super submissive. Which leads me to my next point: You’re the boss, applesauce. These guys may think that they’re in charge because they’ve got the money, but this is wrong. Completely wrong. The reality is, for one reason or another, they’re paying you for something. You dictate what they get to pay for. Don’t be fooled into thinking you have to do something you’re not comfortable with because he wants you to.

So you’ve received a message from a POT:

“Hi Ashley, I’m Joe. You’re beautiful! Your profile was great. That joke about the llama really got me! Anyway, I’m looking for an intelligent, sweet girl to have fun with a few times a month as my work schedule is too busy for normal dating. Message me back if you’re interested in coffee…”

How do you go about responding to this? Everything you know about being a Sugar Baby thus far has told you that “fun” is code for sex. Well, he’s going to find out sooner or later that’s not what you’re into, so you might as well tell him now. Be upfront and avoid the miscommunications. But just because he’s put that he wants sex doesn’t mean he’s a lost cause. Of course he’s going to throw that in there. He’s a man. He’s like a child in the sense that he’s going to try and see what he can get away with before you tell him no. What you’re going to want to do is sell your personality above all else. Make it known to him that you’re the best, you know this, and that he’s going to have to play by your rules for the privilege of spending time with you. It’s all about how you phrase things.

Which response sounds better?

“Hi Joe, thank you! You sound lovely. I like to be honest with people, so I figured I should tell you I don’t sleep with anyone I meet off of here. I am available for dinner/dates though. Hope to hear from you soon!”

Or

“Hi joe, thank you! You sound lovely but I reviewed your profile and it sounds like you’re interested in more of a physical connection whereas I’m looking for someone who can keep up with me more mentally. If you’re interested in something a bit less traditional than the standard SB/SD relationship, message me back.”

Both messages are upfront about the lack of physicality, but one puts the power in his hands and one puts it in yours. Response A tells him what he wants he can’t have and that he still has to pay for things. He views it as him not getting anything and doesn’t message you back. Response B makes him wonder if you thought he wasn’t smart enough for you (which goes back to that tip where men like to debate.) It’s almost guaranteeing a response just from that alone. It also makes him wonder what you are offering instead of sex. Response B also gives the illusion of him having the power of choosing you (message me back if…), but really you’ve already told him he’s not what you want. You’ve already decided. Not that he’s picked up on this, he’s too busy spending twenty minutes crafting a response that will get him back on your ‘maybe’ list.

When you read his next message, he will inevitably be asking you more about what you two would do together and what you’re looking for compensation-wise. You’re already completely alpha here so feel free to tell him what you want, but remember: Phrase things wisely. The house isn’t small, it’s “cozy”. That car isn’t broken, it’s a “summer project”. You get the point. You’re not just going on dates with him, you’re offering him the chance to feel like he’s twenty again.

“Hey Joe, I’m glad you messaged me back. I’m busy and I don’t like to waste time so I’m just going to tell you what my deal is- I’m not looking for anything sexual, more for somebody who appreciates me for me and wants to help be do great things in my life. In return I can offer you my companionship, company at events, and I’ll make you laugh like no other. I’d like someone who can help me achieve [Insert goal] with [insert allowance discussion] per month. I’m free to meet for coffee [Insert time]…

And there you go. He will most likely respond with a time when he’s free because you’ve made him come to you. Set your date time up, and have some ‘hands to yourself’ fun.

Other things to remember pre-date:

Make him give you his first and last name – If he makes a big fuss about it, remind him that he’s a random dude off of the internet that you’re going to meet. If he still protests, tell him to go fuck himself.

– If he makes a big fuss about it, remind him that he’s a random dude off of the internet that you’re going to meet. If he still protests, tell him to go fuck himself. Google that shit – Google his name. Reverse search his image. Make a note of what comes up.

– Google his name. Reverse search his image. Make a note of what comes up. Leave that info with someone who knows you’re going out – My boyfriend asks that I leave all of their info (First and last name, phone number, place of employment, picture) just in case something happens and he has to go kill them.

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