Wednesday and Thursday, mass rallies took place pretty much everywhere, after the opposition’s call to gather in every major Venezuelan city the past #19A and then again the following day. It did not go peacefully, thanks entirely to repression from GNB, PNB, and pro-government paramilitary groups. Four protesters got shot and killed thus far this week.

As has become commonplace, Venezuelan national private media coverage on the violence experienced by protesters at the government’s mercy was almost nonexistent.

But the government was happy to weigh in, and this is their media machine’s version of reality:

“Give to God what belongs to God, give to Cesar what belongs to Cesar, give to El Guaire what belongs in El Guaire”

This is all PSUV had to say about protesters taking cover in shitfilled Rio Guaire, after GNB and PNB aggressively repressed Wednesday’s opposition rally. People were so affected by tear gas that they willingly went into a river that is closer to being renamed “The Guaire Grand Sewer” than it is to getting sanitized, as it the government announced it would, back in 2014. But three years later the river’s situation remains unaltered.

Not only does PSUV gloat over their own inefficiency with this tweet, but it also rejoices over the fact that an open sewer became protesters’ only way out of getting hurt by their government’s brutal repression. Nice. This is all going according to Chavismo Mágico’s guidelines. Of course, Maduro’s community manager decided it would be a good idea to retweet the goddamned pseudomeme, which was eventually deleted.

So other chavista cyber-warriors came to the rescue:

¡HUELEN MAL!

Opositores terroristas de

la MUD Venezuela se bañan

de excrementos en Guaire#JulioBorgesNosDejasteMal#ElPuebloVencioElGolpe pic.twitter.com/n8kfzH1VNQ — 🌿 Daniel Romero 🇻🇪 (@daniromeroPSUV) April 19, 2017

https://twitter.com/RalitoPSUV/status/854852667222491136

PSUV congressman Héctor Rodriguez defended the infamous tweet, while Vice President El Aissami said it was “hate” that drove protesters into Rio Guaire.

¡LÓGICA CHAVISTA! El Aissami: “Los manifestantes se lanzaron al Guaire por razones de odio” https://t.co/HOlGHZ1HxH pic.twitter.com/WnM0qkB3c3 — El Diario #QuédateEnCasa (@eldiario) April 20, 2017

Sure, hate makes you want to dive into liquid shit. Makes perfect sense, huh?

Concerning State TV channel VTV’s broadcasts of the protests, these were headlines:

🥁Al ritmo de la samba y los tambores el Colectivo Alexis Vive dijo presente en la marea roja 🥁 pic.twitter.com/OvqPqNdkCI — VTV CANAL 8 (@VTVcanal8) April 20, 2017

While complaining about insufficient international media coverage of chavismo’s #19A rally, HegemonCorp decided to broadcast Maduro dancing on stage in the midst of reports of people being killed and violence occurring all over the country.

Medios internacionales ignoran marcha Revolucionaria y continúan campaña de zozobra en Venezuela https://t.co/1IIHm9rQ1i pic.twitter.com/z7wI88Zabm — VTV CANAL 8 (@VTVcanal8) April 20, 2017

Also on VTV’s timeline, the government’s stance on condemnable practices was made clear:”We don’t throw bombs, we bring health, life and unity to our peoples.”

🔴🆕 || Pdte. @NicolasMaduro: Nosotros no lanzamos bombas, nosotros llevamos salud, vida y unión entre los pueblos pic.twitter.com/KGJCprSnGI — VTV CANAL 8 (@VTVcanal8) April 20, 2017

Minister Blanca Eeckhout took a walk down cynicism lane by insisting that chavismo remains unperturbed by the terrorist right’s hatred.

Hijos de la Patria de Bolívar no se dejan perturbar por el odio de la derecha terrorista, dijo Min. @blancaePSUV https://t.co/YwYdquY8b7 pic.twitter.com/5E4YkEr6XO — VTV CANAL 8 (@VTVcanal8) April 20, 2017

Right, I guess that’s why PSUV ended up deleting the infamous Guaire meme from their timeline. Unperturbed.

Sometimes Venezuelan Ambassador to OAS and generally questionable human being, Roy Chaderton, analyzed Luis Alamgro’s facial features (remember, this is State TV news):

“Configuración facial de Almagro se parece a la del diablo”, lo dijo Roy Chaderton pic.twitter.com/n5Ux2sRfEm — VTV CANAL 8 (@VTVcanal8) April 20, 2017

Yes, we must always keep the enemy’s resemblance to the devil on mind.

And according to PSUV congressman Pedro Carreño, the opposition is possessed…. Anybody else see a trend here?

#PedroCarreroConAmorin || Dip. @PedroCarreno_e: La oposición está poseída, lo que quieren es violencia pic.twitter.com/VA0YFhcckP — VTV CANAL 8 (@VTVcanal8) April 20, 2017

And, lest we think otherwise about the gun-happy paramilitary colectivos making their rounds shooting at protesters, VTV is quick to remind us that “Tupamaro” and “peace” go hand in hand:

⚡️Tupamaros celebraron con paz y tranquilidad la marcha de la victoria ⚡️ pic.twitter.com/WGku3ebioV — VTV CANAL 8 (@VTVcanal8) April 20, 2017

Over at Diosdado’s Con el Mazo Dando, there was talk of a right-wing orgy. Ew.

¡Orgía fascista! MUD salió de las tinieblas para apoyar llamado a golpe de Borges https://t.co/Fu3BwD0Xvl pic.twitter.com/9xzZpzuS5m — Con el Mazo Dando (@ConElMazoDando) April 20, 2017

Oh and also, very mature, calling your political foe a “Chicken” like he’s Marty McFly:

Entérese por qué Guanipa anda despidiéndose de todos con la voz quebrada (+gallina) https://t.co/7Tl4K2Tgz9 pic.twitter.com/bSTwvctRY9 — Con el Mazo Dando (@ConElMazoDando) April 20, 2017

Our Ombusdman’s timeline was just hundreds retweets of media tweeting his own statements. Inception.

https://twitter.com/Tatto_Oficial/status/854889976076566528

And then there’s Misión verdad’s alternate reality. Watch the video, it’s full of nothing.

#Video Los "pacíficos" manifestantes de la oposición venezolana le lanzan bombas a la policía. (Vía @madeleintlSUR) pic.twitter.com/5pGddvMMfx — Misión Verdad (@Mision_Verdad) April 20, 2017

Try to make sense of this Pulitzer-worthy gem:

“The MUD-controlled National Assembly has exponentially elevated political confrontation in Venezuela…”

El parlamento es parte de un boicot institucional para profundizar otras situaciones de boicot económico https://t.co/Tr9ESv4OBs — Misión Verdad (@Mision_Verdad) April 20, 2017

Lovely takedowns of fake news. Huge, Sad, Fake news:

When you’re done silencing international and private national media, you go on to openly criticize the Colombian government:

#DatoMV: ¿Preocupado por Venezuela? El gob de Santos ha silenciado el asesinato de más de 100 periodistas y dirigentes políticos colombianos pic.twitter.com/tWSQrGvspX — Misión Verdad (@Mision_Verdad) April 19, 2017

Maduro’s Twitter feed featured coverage of… media coverage of his own statements.

https://twitter.com/PresidencialVen/status/855200064716902401

Yes he did wear an actual lab coat… with a stethoscope. It’s not enough that chavismo allowed thousands of unqualified “Médicos integrales comunitarios” (Integral community doctors) to wear the beloved symbols of our profession, he also had to go and do it himself.

https://twitter.com/EscalonaJuanF/status/855200392120074240

Pendientes en breve estaré en vivo logrando cobertura de Salud 100% a toda Venezuela con la Misión Barrio Adentro…Milagro de la Revolución pic.twitter.com/9cD4iybaum — Nicolás Maduro (@NicolasMaduro) April 20, 2017

Yep. They made “doctors” grow on trees. A miracle, indeed.

And then he danced, again.

Maduro also retweeted this:

Al César lo que es del César yyyyyyy

¿Al Guaire?

Aunque usted no lo crea, SE BAÑARON en el Guaire pic.twitter.com/8IrM320fUk — Teresa Maniglia (@tmaniglia) April 19, 2017

https://twitter.com/TuiterosDLaFaja/status/854841662748708865

And this one will surely warm your hearts:

Coverage of the #19A government rally…I think Maduro is searching for whatever is left of his international support.

#LaFoto

EL PRESIDENTE @NicolasMaduro observa EL TRIUNFO de la PAZ en VENEZUELA

19 de abril de 2017: El Pueblo dijo "ESTOY CON NICOLÁS" pic.twitter.com/Tm71jdt4Vy — Teresa Maniglia (@tmaniglia) April 19, 2017

Chavismo mágico.

Some more delusional musings on the 3 MILLION government supporters:

Fotos y video: Así se movieron más de 3 millones de chavistas para llenar calles de Caracas https://t.co/fR5oI17vbd @la_iguanatv — Miguel Pérez Pirela (@maperezpirela) April 20, 2017

Fotos y video: Así se movieron más de 3 millones de chavistas para llenar calles de Caracas https://t.co/fR5oI17vbd @la_iguanatv — Miguel Pérez Pirela (@maperezpirela) April 20, 2017

3 million people? Okay.

And then complaints over Capriles asking employers to allow citizens to protest. Too bad the government made Easter week into a vacation by decree. I don’t see chavismo complaining.

#PatriaVenceAlTerrorismo El único proyecto de @hcapriles ha sido siempre la violencia y el golpismo. Nunca incluyó el trabajar por el país. pic.twitter.com/ifcfr6GI4c — Revolución en Pleno (@Cosole_Roja) April 20, 2017

Mario Silva likened the march to a human carpet. Maybe because the government steps on public employees’ rights by forcing them to be there.

#YoSiMarchoPorLaPatria "Un aplauso a los motorizados del Pueblo, una alfombra humana en Caracas. " Presidente @NicolasMaduro pic.twitter.com/vSPIzEulTF — Mario Silva (@LaHojillaenTV) April 19, 2017

This one from Communications Minister is just creepy.

Ese pueblo tiene rostro, ternura y furia de mujer. Estuvo con Boves, Bolívar, Zamora. Y está de pie, activado. #PatriaFuerzaIndestructible pic.twitter.com/LrnQME3INE — Ernesto (@VillegasPoljak) April 20, 2017

And…for the hundredth time….

The Rodríguez siblings dressed the part for an Imperial Battle.

Canciller: Pueblo venezolano se mantiene en insurrección permanente frente a amenazas imperiales https://t.co/P8tGZha2is pic.twitter.com/scNwaebfXe — PSUV (@PartidoPSUV) April 20, 2017

Well, HegemonCorp, nice job this week. After spending a couple of hours on Chavismomagicland I almost forgot we are in the midst of an actual crisis here. Keep on retweeting a loop of Maduro’s retweets being retweeted.

We’re gonna keep protesting.

Cheers.