As the mother of a transgender child, I hope this letter will shed some light on the issue of trans people using bathrooms that are in line with their gender identity. In order to do so, I need to give you some history regarding my trans-son, who was born biologically female.

Scott began to identify as a boy at the age of 4, which is when children typically become aware of gender differences. My first clue was his choice of Halloween costume; he insisted on being Batman not Batgirl. It wasn’t long before he asked for a button-down shirt and tie. I bought him suits because he asked to wear them to weddings and bar mitzvahs. I remember thinking, “Am I doing ‘her’ a disservice? Am I making ‘her’ life harder by the fact that ‘she’ will come to realize that girls typically wear dresses to such occasions? Will ‘she’ grow up thinking ‘she’ isn’t a pretty girl?” But my gut told me to take the risk.

Family members and friends accepted my “daughter” for who “she” was, but the topic of transgender wasn’t something people talked about regularly. I remember watching a documentary about trans women years earlier, and thinking, “Wow, that must be a real thing because no one would choose to go through those drastic changes if one wasn’t incredibly compelled to do so.” Ironically, accepting Scott for who he was may be why it never occurred to me that he was transgender.

Fast-forward 12 years. At age 16, Scott told me he had always felt that he was a boy and intended to start living his life as such. Thank goodness he communicated with me via text because the first thing I did was cry. When I finished crying. I discovered that I was not altogether surprised, and in fact wondered why it had never occurred to me that he was transgender. Transgender was not a household word at the time; thank goodness it is now.

I’m not saying it was easy. At first I couldn’t comprehend how he felt, and that upset me. Once I gave up the notion of being able to understand his phenomenon, I began to accept it. But I was also afraid for him. The idea of my “daughter” using the boys’ bathroom terrified me; I thought “she” might get bullied and thus harmed in some way, even raped. You see the possibility of violence isn’t a one-way street. Trans women are equally at risk, if not more so. Furthermore, imagine putting on makeup, brushing your hair, and doing “your business” in a male bathroom.

Finally, if you met my son, you would realize that the idea of Scott using a bathroom other than the one that matches his identity is ludicrous. Women and girls would be shocked, at best, to see a man in the female bathroom. Because I guarantee you, my son’s appearance does not remotely resemble that of a woman.

CAROL HATCH

Lunenburg