Sports-entertainment impresario Vince McMahon announced today the launch of XFC, a mixed martial arts league he insists will “bigger, badder, and fightier” than the reigning MMA organization, UFC.

At a press conference this morning, McMahon fired verbal volleys at UFC honcho Dana White, goading him into a “Saturday Night War,” during which XFC events will be broadcast at the same time as UFC pay-per-views.

“This ain’t your granddaddy’s MMA,” boasted McMahon. “There’s a new game in town.”

The promotion, which will launch in February with an event called XFC: Human Cockfighting, will differ from UFC in a number of ways:

Instead of in an Octagon, fights will be held in a 10-sided Decagon

Leaping onto an opponent from atop the Decagon is legal and, in fact, mandatory

Kendo sticks, chairs and other weaponry will be easily accessible under the Decagon

Referees will only step in to break up a fight once one fighter has gone completely limp

The Spanish-language commentators will be situated inside the Decagon

Brock Lesnar will compete in a cross-promotional grudge match against himself

A number of McMahon’s closest advisors warned him to stay out of the MMA world, given the abysmal fate of his short-lived football league, the XFL.

But McMahon was reportedly determined to make a bold, game-changing venture before he begins his three-year prison sentence for assaulting a police officer.