How to Get (& Keep) Your Bedroom Alive

I created The Family Alpha for married men who are looking to reclaim or maintain their masculinity while being married in a society that wants you to be anything but and guess what, when you own that aspect of who you are as a man, you don’t face the issues in the bedroom which plague a majority of men in long term relationships or marriage.

Let’s face the facts, single men don’t have the same issues married/LTR men do.

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A single man with a one night stand is new and his girl hasn’t seen him in the many compromised situations that a wife has; things such as being sick, angry, broken, etc.

Imagine the married man trying to get anal for the first time from his wife after 5 years of marriage compared to the dude with a girlfriend of two weeks.

Who has the higher percentage of getting what he wants?

(Who am I to speak on this subject matter? I’m the guy who is enjoying a healthy sexual relationship with my woman after 16 years together, with 11 of them being married)

The major difference is that the girl in the two week scenario may think he has always liked this and she’ll likely want to accommodate (Obviously YMMV).

The wife on the other hand, she has to face the fact that this is either her husband wanting something new that he saw or heard about somewhere, or he is changing, which is something women do not like.

Before we get too deep understand that your wife is capable of being your slut. Remove the idea that my wife just isn’t into any of that.

She certainly has it in her. Whether she was your slut before you got complacent as a man or maybe you’re trying to get it out of her for the first time, it makes no difference.

The steps you have to take are the same.

Let’s mention the elephant in the room before we dive in. She may have been some dudes little fuck toy before you and if she loved to role play for him and won’t wear lingerie for you, you’re the issue. Women don’t owe you anything.

A woman’s prior relationships and sexcapades were earned by that man, let it go.

For a few that’s going to hit too close to home.

To them I say this: if you decided to forgive/get over your girl’s past, you need to really own it because the insecurity will bleed through and destroy the confidence needed; stop trying to out-fuck ghosts.

Let Us Begin

There are three areas that require your direct attention and effort to get the slut out of your wife:

You Removing the ‘Taboo’ associated with sex Fostering an environment which promotes sexual attraction and freedom

How To Make Yourself Attractive

Rule 1: Be Attractive.

Rule 2: Don’t be Unattractive

If your wife is not attracted to you, she is simply not going to go out of her way and her comfort zone to satisfy your needs. She might love freaky sex, but if the primal desire isn’t generated by your presence and actions then it’s not going to happen.

It’s not your personality that does it for her and it’s not your physique that does it for her either – it’s you as a whole.

READ: How To Be An Attractive Man by Ed Latimore

When I say you need to work on you what I mean is the overall attributes that make you who you are and thus make you attractive.

Your sense of “self”.

Physically, mentally, spiritually, professionally, how you flirt, the way you lay game, teasing her, laying active/passive dread, all of it combined is what I’m talking about.

The whole is nothing more than the sum of each individual part.

How to Build a Better Physique

Are you rocking a Dadbod? If so, you’re off to a poor start. Do you really think your wife should be giving you her best efforts sexually when you can’t take care of yourself?

She doesn’t find you attractive because of your “winning personality“, “amazing charm“, or “suave nature” no, those are not going to save you when the shirt comes off. You need to get your physical fitness and nutrition dialed in.

Here’s a quick test to see if you’re where you need to be in regards to your physique:

At this very moment, can you take your shirt off and have a conversation with that hot girl you like comfortably?

If not, you aren’t there yet.

If you don’t have visible muscles and decent vascularity, you simply aren’t reaching your potential as a man and therefore your woman is not reaching her potential sexually with you.

Whether you feel that this is fair or not is irrelevant.

If you want your wife to be your little slut, then you’re going to have to put in the work and if you can’t be bothered to hit the weights then stop saying you deserve more from your wife.

You How to Become More Confident

Are you displaying that irrational sense of self confidence that is mentioned in The Sixteen Commandments of Poon? If not, you need to be as she has to know that you are 100% committed to this lifestyle.

She needs to be comfortable with allowing you to see into the dark recesses of her mind, she has to trust you can handle it.

From birth she’s been taught by society that women are not supposed to act a certain way. Even with the more open levels of “female liberation” that are being displayed, woman aren’t supposed to want to desire sex, simple as that.

I’ve never taken a class or had an educator say that all women think about is sex. I’ve had it drilled into my head that it is all men think about, usually making it a negative (along with all things masculine) but never females. It makes sense as men have higher levels of testosterone, but let us not kid ourselves, women are horny too, just not 24/7.

This is why she needs you to be a mentally strong fortress.

Your mind can’t be shaken by her shit tests, challenges from others, or have any other cracks in your mental foundation. If you’re mentally capable of convincing her that being a total slut is acceptable, then it removes all responsibility from her.

Basically, it isn’t her fault she’s like this, it’s yours.

It is this fortitude of the mind that will allow her to trust you enough to let her open up and tell you exactly what it is she wants, thinks, feels, & desires.

I’ve asked my wife what her craziest fantasies were and she smiled, blushed, and said that I would think it was stupid. I assured her I wouldn’t and that this is the type of conversations we need to have to keep our marriage from ever going stale.

She told me & within the week we fulfilled it and it was as great as she’d imagined.

Ever since she has told me all of the things that pops into her head.

Sometimes I’ll do it the night she tells me, other times I’ll do it at a random time to show her that we aren’t on a schedule, but spontaneous.

It all started with me gaining her trust and her truly believing that I had the mental capacity to take what she was saying and not make it a joke or laugh at her about it but rather hear her out and satisfy her desire.

As men we must also show that we have the confidence and belief in self to do whatever it is she’s going to come up with.

I’ve had wives message me saying that they opened up, said exactly what they wanted and their husbands were immature about it and that response somehow made them feel violated.

Imagine being a submissive woman who tells her man she wants to be spanked in the bedroom every now and then only to have him laugh in her face and mock her. She may laugh it off and act like she was just joking and that it was stupid, but something inside her dies when this happens. When she bares it all to you and you can’t handle, she loses that part of herself possibly forever.

How to Become More Spiritual

I’m not using the term “spiritual” in any sort of religious aspect. When I say that you need to work on the spiritual aspect of yourself what I mean is that internal spark which exists in every person. The intangible thing that draws you to your wife and her to you.

What you need to do is to relay the message to your wife that by removing the stigma around sex that the two of you will become closer.

You need to let her know that the marriage will improve, that both of you will experience a greater satisfaction from your life, and that the result of an uninhibited sex life will bring you two together on a level that you’ve never reached before.

Make her soul feel what you’re saying.

When you are able to take the mask off and show someone who you truly are, you develop a bond that cannot be created in any other way and that allows them to do the same.

If your wife tells you that she has always wanted to be tied up and had wax poured on her, will you look at her differently?

If you have the mental strength I previously touched on then she might tell you something crazy like this. If she does and you’re able to hear her out, not make a joke of it, and understand that this is what she wants from you and then you actually deliver, you will be closer to her and her you than you ever could have any other way.

This is what I mean by spiritual.

Your wife can tell you all of the dirty thoughts she has kept to herself for so long, afraid of judgement and ridicule. But you, her husband, are able to handle it. That is going to translate to confirming her belief and support of your role as the Family Alpha.

She needs to be comfortable being naked physically and mentally with you

How to Become More Professional

A man who comes home from work bitching about his day is not the man who is going to get his wife’s inner slut.

You need to be the man with the plan, whether you’re the boss or not it makes no difference. How you carry yourself and how you present your work to your wife is all that matters. If you can make her feel as though you’ve got it going on at work, you’re golden.

If you are just a worker in a cube, be the best worker that there’s ever been in her mind.

If all you do all day is surf reddit, you don’t tell your wife that. You tell her how you managed the funds of whatever, coordinated that strategic implementation of whatever, or how you had to run your team of 5 guys to accomplish what the hell ever.

I don’t recommend lying per say, as you’ll get caught; but don’t diminish what you do. If your job is that dorked up, find a new one that gives you some sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Your wife isn’t going to be attracted to a man who Monday through Friday is complaining, wearing “relaxing clothes“, and sitting on his fat ass in front of a TV drinking beer to “unwind“.

When you come home from your job, whether it was a good or bad day, you need to internalize it. In the military I called it Flipping the Switch; I couldn’t bring “Navy” Hunter home, it didn’t fit the energy in the house.

Remember this important fact, women do not care about your feelings.

Again, if you think it’s not fair I don’t give a shit, I’m telling you the truth so find comfort in the discomfort of reality instead of living in your fantasy world of complacency and “Disney” truths.

Don’t give your job your best and your family the rest.

How to Get Better at Flirting

If you aren’t touching your wife often, then you aren’t building the required level of attraction necessary to reach the point where your woman physically cannot keep her hands off you.

Touch your wife, let your hands send a message your words never could.

I don’t talk about my writing to my wife, nor do I use the terminology with her. But I swear to you, one day as I grabbed my wife by the back of her neck, pulled her in for a kiss, put my other arm around her waist pulling our hips together, she quivered in my arms and said, every time you do I get all tingly inside.

Mind blown.

The tingles are a good thing and as the man that you want your wife craving, you need to be the one generating them.

Have you ever flirted with a bartender, waitress, whomever and the chick puts her hand on your bicep/tricep? Have you ever just grabbed your wife’s hand with just two fingers and your thumb, only for a second just so you could get her attention? Have you ever woken up, looked at her sleeping on her stomach next to you, placed your hand on her lower back and kissed her neck?

That’s kino and the type of flirting you need to be doing daily

It’s something you need to implement into your daily interactions with your wife. If you’re laying some dread, then do it to the girl who you’re interacting with at that moment. Your wife will notice, because kino, in my opinion, is taken from the ‘language of women‘. What I mean by that is, kino is covert communication, something women excel at and most men fumble fuck their way through.

You want to lay your kino early and often with a woman whom you want to interact with and get to know better. The successful pick up artists all agree on this point with regards to getting women and just a friendly reminder, your wife is a woman.

I have to add that because there are still some guys who get upset their wives don’t think, love, or act like a man would.

They are women you need to be gaming every day.

How to Game Your Wife

This goes hand in hand with kino/flirting.

I view game to be the mental equivalent of physically flirting. Similar to how you need to be smooth with your implementation of kino (confidently and sensually touching her as opposed to awkwardly grabbing her) you also need to game your wife as a masculine man does.

Eventually you’ll get to the point where you are gaming your wife without even intentionally thinking of doing it.

If you don’t know this already, don’t ever take your wife’s outbursts, shit tests, complaints, or pretty much anything too seriously.

(Note: take serious shit seriously, use your judgement, don’t laugh if she tells you her dad died)

When you act cocky, smile at her shit tests, steer conversations towards sex, be flirtatious, grab her and kiss her hard then leave her standing there, all of this is the “game” you should be laying on your wife.

You can throw in text game, but that’s for advanced guys who know what they are doing and balance the line of not texting too much yet not too little, just enough to give her that tingling sensation and maybe get some nudes from her in the process.

You need to game your wife because again, she is a woman. You can’t take the position that because she is your wife she automatically must want to have sex with you whenever and however. You need to make yourself irresistible to her. You need to do whatever it is that gets her going every single day.

It’s important to understand that everything I am telling you applies to every day of your life. Just because you had her riled up yesterday does not mean you’ve got it made today. You’ve got to make her fall in love, get the tingles, and be turned on every day and you must start the moment your feet touch the floor in the morning, welcome to marriage game.

How to Tease Your Woman

I fuck with my wife constantly.

You know the whole, “Pick on the girls at the playground” concept? I do that and I have since we got together.

Why?

Because it works.

Talking shit, pulling pranks, just straight messing with your wife in a tactful way leads to a healthy relationship and it keeps your woman feeling young. This youth transfers to her acting like a young feminine lady, which also leads to performing like a sex vixen.

More importantly she is feeling and you know (at least you should) women love to feel deep emotions; good or bad it doesn’t really matter.

This is why chicks are addicted to drama, it’s a varying feeling throughout the day.

Now, when messing around with her you must have some skill.

The goal is to be:

mischievous

cute

handsome

& funny

not an immature dick.

I would never pull the chair out from under her at a party as that would make her look stupid in front of everyone and/or she’d break her ass.

Both are negatives and neither lead to attraction and bonding but rather resentment and frustration. What I would do (and have done) is something simple like replacing her incense with a sparkler.

She’s the girl on the playground that you have a crush on, tease her.

She freaked out when it started sparking and our living room looked like a fourth of July firework went off. She called me all sorts of names, yet she was laughing and smiling the entire time.

She felt

panic fear joy

and when the smoke finally cleared – attraction.

Sometimes I’ll hide things, put stuff where she can’t reach them, refuse to give a direct answer or give an overly complicated answer to any questions that she should know.

There is a fine line between being a mischievous man and being a dick.

Be mischievous in your dealings and always have her looking over her shoulder. If you can make it have some sexual innuendo even better but for the love of whatever you hold dear, don’t be the annoying dude who thinks he is funny, if a positive outcome isn’t had by the end of the night, you’re doing it wrong.

What is Dread?

Do you know what the single greatest compliment a wife can receive is?

Another woman desiring her husband.

That sense of external validation will skyrocket your market value as a man through the roof. The more girls that desire you the more your wife is going to desire you.

Welcome to dread...

There are two forms of dread that you can lay on your wife:

Active Dread: When you intentionally take actions that are designed to ensure your wife is aware that you are a man who is capable of getting chicks.

You can get their undivided attention, engage in kino, or a number of other means to let your wife know that if you chose to, you could take that woman home.

Getting this attention comes from you laying game (flirting) with other women. You can’t come across as intentionally doing this or she’ll know you’re looking to get a rise out of her, which will have some blow-back.

Instead, you just work your boyish charm and let her overly active mind do the rest.

2. Passive Dread: A level of dread that needs to remain consistent throughout your relationship.

Going out without her, whether to the gym, the bookstore, or wherever; just getting way from her for a few hours creates some dread. Being physically fit, witty, and successful are also forms of passive dread.

You are doing nothing more than merely existing and it creates attraction from other women.

Chicks can sense covert communication from a mile away.

When you wear that tailored button down shirt and the ladies are checking you out, eye fucking you, biting their lips, or staring a little longer than normal, you are creating passive dread with your wife.

She sees these signs and she knows these chicks want what she has, this raises both of your SMV.

This is yet another reason lifting is the first action you need to take when reclaiming your masculinity.

You must look good in your clothes and more importantly, you must look good naked. The entire process is just easier when you’re good looking, so lift your weights and eat right.

How to Talk To Your Wife About Sex

Someone has to bring it up…

Now that we’re off the topic of fixing you it’s now your environment that must be overhauled. You need to create an environment that will promote the type of behavior you’re looking to pull out of your wife.

In this instance, we’re looking to create an environment that makes her feel that it is not only acceptable but also that it is expected she speak & act freely when it comes to her sexual nature.

This will take some time and it is on you to keep the topic on the table.

One way to get sex out in the open is to actually have sex out in the open.

I’m not implying that you go out to a park and screw eachother among the squirrel folk; rather that you take your sexual adventures out of the bedroom where they have most likely been quarantined for likely far far too long.

Have sex in the living room, your basement, the car, and definitely the shower. Show your wife that sex is neither limited to the bedroom nor is it to only be discussed at night before bed.

You can have sex any time, anywhere, and you can also discuss it anytime and anywhere. There are no chains, no censorship, and no “off limits” any longer between you and your wife.

Do you want her to go back to the freak she was when you first started dating or like she never has before? Then let her know that it’s OK to do exactly that and not only is it OK, but that this slutty behavior will be rewarded through your time and attention.

How to Keep Your Wife Wanting Sex?

She can be as naughty as you want her, just let her know that IT’S OK to be a bad girl

When she does what it is you want her to do, let her know it.

Be vocal in your interactions and let her know whether it’s what you want or not. If she gives you the greatest lap dance you’ve had in years, instead of asking for more or saying thanks then leaving, give her your time and attention.

Your woman doesn’t know you’re proud of what she’s doing unless you tell her, reward your good girl who is filling that void in you’ve had in your life.

Go in for a quick snuggle, grab her and pull her close, looking deep into her eyes telling her how fantastic she is and how glad you are that she’s let her guard down.

I don’t say slut in a negative manner and for the women who’ve read up to this point, know that even if he doesn’t say it, your man wants a freak.

All men want to be lusted for, so let that passion express itself freely in your marriage.

I don’t mean a birthday blowjob or doggy-style once a month, I mean pure, raw, lust, and passion where clothes get ripped, and someone may get a scratch or two.

Sex is what makes a marriage a marriage, without it you’re roommates or “co-parents“

Keeping this in mind a healthy sex life needs to be fostered for there to be a healthy marriage. I hope this helps and I hope you guys are able to create and enjoy your slut.

Remember, you fix this by fixing you.

If you don’t have your shit together, start there.

If you need accountability or other men where you can privately discuss this type of stuff, join my men’s only Fraternity where where many deadbedrooms have been revived.

We focus on all aspects of what it is to be a man, Mind, Body (too include his sex life), and Spirit. If that brotherhood, accountability, and judgement free space with the expectation that you do the work is what you need, join the Fraternity of Excellence today.

I wish you the best on this journey, don’t forget to enjoy the ride.