This is an $800 Batman chess set from The Noble Collection. That's a lot of money to spend on a game you're not even good at. But it does light up and project a Bat-Signal onto the ceiling, so, you know, totally worth it. I'LL GIVE YOU $1,200 -- FINAL OFFER.

A press of the Batman symbol illuminates 50 LED lights encircling the clear playing surface that lights the board, the Gotham cityscape underneath and projects a Bat-Signal to the sky. No detail has been overlooked in this ultimate Batman collector's chess set. The joker, Catwoman, Riddler and penguin battle Batman, Robin, Batgirl and commissioner Gordon. The oversized board measures 20 inches in length on each side. Playing pieces measure between 2 1/2 to 5 1/2 inches tall and are made in fine pewter and diecast metal.

Ground Shipping Only

Did you read that? Ground shipping only! Don't you think it's a little ironic that there's a Batman chess set THAT'S AFRAID TO FLY? "That's not ironic at all." This man says I'm an idiot, moving on.

Thanks to Cindy, who actually asked me what the little horsey pieces in a chess set are called. Haha, are you serious? They're called Pony Boys.