A screenshot from episode 2 of Shane Dawson’s docuseries, entitled “The Secrets of the Beauty World.” Shane is crying and speaking to his cameraman.

There’s something hilariously obscene and nauseating about 31 year old multi-millionaire, YouTuber, and New York Times Best Selling Author, decked out in an $850 Balenciaga hoodie (having left his $1600 Gucci backpack back in the boardroom), curled up on the bathroom floor of a Jeffree Star Cosmetics facility, weeping about how he never truly got the wealth, recognition, and respect he deserved until the moment that Jeffree Star himself told him how much more money the two controversial internet personalities could make together. This scene was in part two of Shane’s nine-part “docuseries” that was originally marketed to viewers as a hard-hitting exposé about the ugly underbelly of the online makeup and beauty community, particularly as it pertained to the epic beauty YouTuber fallout known as Dramageddon 2.0. Despite my overall lack of interest in watching or supporting anything created by or associated with both Dawson and Star (which I will get into later), the makeup enthusiast and beauty guru gossip addict in me was lured into watching the series by the aforementioned promise of an exclusive, inside look beyond the glossy veneer of the beauty community. However, around 13 minutes into part one of the series, I began to suspect that the series was going to be little more than a glorified advertisement designed to sell viewers on the idea that Dawson, a guy who doesn’t wear makeup, doesn’t make content about makeup, and doesn’t have any apparent passion for or interest in makeup, deserved the opportunity to both create and profit from his own makeup products.

Lying in bed with his fiancé, after having driven around their large, $3 million dollar property on a golf cart, Dawson says softly and apologetically, “When you get sad about me being gone, just remember how much money we potentially could make from the palette…Jeffree said it could be like, good money-” and then his tone switches from apologetic to indignant, “Here’s the thing. Can I just say, people think ‘Oh Shane, we’re just sick of Shane acting poor, or like, acting around Jeffree’ – I am poor around Jeffree!” He said, addressing the criticism he faces for constantly calling himself “broke” and “poor” in his videos despite his estimated $12 million dollar networth, and despite the fact that he makes around $7.2 million annually. Never mind any additional income from book sales, merchandise, and sponsorships. He goes on to further explain that he’s ignorant when it comes to money, “I just have never been that smart with investing money; I’ve never been a smart business person–” to which his fiancé interjects “Well, you’re not a money driven person.” Dawson continued to speak in what I assume was an effort to come off as more relatable to the majority of his viewers, who probably don’t own million dollar mansions, explaining that he grew up poor, and that even though he found wealth and success via YouTube, he’s not as rich or successful as some other YouTubers and internet celebrities. He mentioned his sadness at seeing YouTubers who haven’t been making content for as long as he has on the Forbes list for the highest paid YouTubers. I wish that it was satire, but it was an earnest attempt at being #relatable and trying to evoke sympathy for a rich guy who wants more money and says he wants more money, but wants us to believe his foray into the very lucrative cosmetics industry on the wings of his buddy Jeffree Star isn’t all about the money.

I could stop there and say that is sufficient justification for my refusal to purchase the fruits of Dawson and Star’s collaborative effort. If you’re going to try to sell me anything, it’s best not to insult my intelligence with sob stories about sad millionaires who deserve more money, baked right inside of a what now appears to be blatant bait-and-switch advertising disguised as a “docuseries.” It is more than fair to call the series a bait and switch because, by Dawson’s own admission, he not only decided to go in an entirely different direction with the series, despite what was originally intended and advertised in the trailer and marketing, he is also cutting the series short. No matter your personal feelings on Dawson or Star, it’s a bit unprofessional to reveal that you aren’t going to deliver on what was promised in terms of both content and length when you’re already 6 episodes deep into what was supposed to be a 9 part series. It’s also worth noting that fans who have rightfully inquired about the missing “drama” and inside scoop that was teased in the trailer have been met with less-than-kind dismissal from Jeffree star.

A screenshot of Jeffree Star calling a fan “annoying” and telling them to “go away” in response to a harmless inquiry concerning the content that was supposed to be in the series. Link to the exchange on Twitter:

I could stop there, but to do so would be to ignore the elephant in the mansion: Knowing that Dawson has built at least part of his 23 million subscriber fan-base on blatant racism under the guise of edgy humor is off-putting. Below is a highlight reel of sorts, featuring clips from several videos in which Dawson appears in blackface, and shouts racial slurs.

It wasn’t until 2014 that Dawson made an apology video addressing his repeated past use of racial slurs like “n*gger” (and any variation thereof), in addition to the frequent donning of blackface. I watched the apology video, in which Dawson vowed to do better, denouncing his past instances of racism. He claimed that he truly didn’t know the historical context of blackface, and that he didn’t mean to be racist; he was just young and dumb and wanted to make people laugh, and he’s very very sorry.

Dawson began making videos in around 2008. He is currently 31 years old. In 2008, Dawson was around 20 years old. He wasn’t a child, and he continued to make videos with intentionally and overtly offensive content well into what was already his adulthood. In 2018, Dawson made yet another apology video in which he stares into the camera and says “I’m not a fucking pedophile.”

The context of that apology is that bits of a podcast in which Dawson joked about googling naked babies and being sexually attracted to them, in addition to bits of other media that include Dawson calling himself a pedophile and expressing attraction towards children, began to circulate. Unsurprisingly, this led to speculation that a guy who seemed to get a kick out of calling himself a pedophile might be a pedophile. In this apology video, Dawson looks disheveled and exhausted. His tone is not personable and his appearance is not polished – a stark contrast to his racism apology video. It’s clear that he’s angry, and I get it. I’d also hate it if people were even suggesting that I was something as irredeemably foul, disgusting, and worthless as a pedophile. However, I also don’t have a history of claiming to be one, and I’m sure most people who don’t want to ever have to make an apology video about it don’t either. At this point in the timeline of Dawson’s career and attempt to rebrand, it’s more than a little difficult to just sweep his propensity for extreme offensiveness under the rug, but the “I did not fuck my cat” Twitter apology really ties it all together.

By 2019, Dawson had addressed and “apologized” for being an adult who found wearing blackface, dropping n-bombs, and calling himself a pedophile to be the height of humor. With racism and pedophilia under his belt, it almost makes sense that a bestiality apology would come next. On March 17 of 2019, at exactly 10:11pm EST, rather than making another apology video, Dawson took to Twitter to write a series of tweets in which he lets everyone know that he has never engaged in relations with his cat, beginning with the following:

“i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)” Shane Dawson via Twitter, March 17, 2019

The multi-tweet apology in its entirety can be found below, still up and active on the YouTuber’s Twitter official account.

i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?) — Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019

The context for this apology is a 2015 podcast in which Dawson claimed to have had his first sexual encounter with a cat. Inevitably, because the internet always finds out and seldom forgets, the audio began to circulate, leading people to believe that Shane Dawson, who already had to say he wasn’t actually racist or actually sexually attracted to children, was also not actually a zoophile. I don’t bring all of this up to suggest that I don’t believe Dawson. In fact, I’m certain he’s telling the truth when he says he isn’t a pedophile and didn’t engage in sexual acts with his pet cat, but I think it’s understandable to not want to watch his content or buy anything from him, least of all makeup, all things considered. I think it’s more than fair to just say “no, thanks” after looking at a pattern of behavior and history that, despite apologies, doesn’t actually appear to have gone away. If you apologize for your past attempts at “edgy” humor in 2014, but think it’s a good idea to joke about having sex with your pet cat in 2015, were you really sorry? Did you really want to change or understand the issue, or was your attempt at rebranding and distancing yourself from the cheap, offensive-for-the-sake-of-being-offensive humor you built your YouTube empire on just half-assed?

A collage of images from various videos featuring Dawson in blackface. Image found courtesy of Nathan Bernard (@nathanTBernard) on Twitter: https://twitter.com/nathantbernard/status/1119251727876751360

It’s not that absurdity and even categorically edgy humor are unforgiveable or even automatically unfunny to me; it’s that I personally draw the line at certain things, and some things really just aren’t funny. Jokes fall flat all the time. Sometimes nobody laughs, or people stop laughing when they realize that punching down and being a creep aren’t really the hilarious punchlines they once thought they were. It’s not like any of Dawson’s offensive content could even be written off as poorly executed attempts at satire; there’s no point being made. There was no critique of societal structures or issues. There was no message or underlying theme. It was just disturbing for the sake of being disturbing, because he thought for years that Black people were inherently a punchline, and he thought for years that there was something funny about pedophilia, and the thought just four years ago that there was something funny about claiming to have sexually assaulted his cat.

With all this in mind, I don’t really want to buy makeup from a whiny, half-reformed “edgy white boy” millionaire who doesn’t appear to even really care about makeup in the first place. Further icing this “no, thank you” cake is the fact that this puzzling business endeavor was done in collaboration with an equally controversial YouTuber: Jeffree Star. Like Shane, Star has had his share of controversies, many of which involve racism (the repeated use of racial slurs, “joking” about dousing a Black woman in battery acid to lighten her skin, and calling Jackie Aina, a Black fellow beauty YouTuber, a “gorilla” to name a few), in addition to just coming off like kind of a shitty and unpleasant person, as evidenced by the way he treats his fans. Someone on reddit was gracious enough to have compiled a list of Star’s past and recent controversies, complete with links and sources, for anyone curious enough to get all the details.

Star addressed his history of anti-blackness, as well as for having garnered a reputation as a cyberbully, in a 2017 video.

Like Dawson, however, Star continued to engage in some of the same behaviors he denounced in his apology. I’m not saying that people can’t change; I’m saying that I can’t ignore when it becomes obvious that they haven’t.

A thumbnail from Dawson’s “The World of Jake Paul” YouTube video, published in October 2018.

I also find it very telling on Dawson’s part that despite his efforts to rebrand as someone who isn’t a racist or a terrible human being, he has repeatedly given similarly controversial figures a platform when he could just…not do that. If people thought I was still the same racist edge-lord despite all my claims to the contrary, I probably wouldn’t want to link myself to someone like fellow YouTuber Jake Paul, who has come under fire multiple times for instances of racism and xenophobia, among other things. Dawson was criticized for his “Jake Paul” docuseries, which many suggested was less of an exposé or documentary, and more of an attempt hang out with and make excuses for Paul and his behavior.

After facing such criticism, I wouldn’t follow up by filming a sympathetic “documentary” about Jeffree Star (who seems entirely unapologetic about any of his past controversies, and who continues to create new ones) in an attempt to rehabilitate the image he earned, and continues to earn, as a racist, a bully, and just kind of an asshole. If Dawson really wanted to do a makeup collaboration, I’m certain any number of companies would have hopped on the opportunity to tap into his young, 23 million subscriber fanbase. I can’t help thinking he was drawn to Star because they’re kindred spirits, each driven by money and a desire to maintain relevance in their respective online communities at all costs.

It is for all of these reasons that, as a makeup enthusiast, I’m not excited about the “Conspiracy” or “Mini Controversy” palettes, or the piggy themed merchandise (which, I must admit, is very cute and would be right up my alley if it weren’t unfortunately tied to Shane Dawson and Jeffree Star). I also think it’s also a slap in the face for Dawson and Star to essentially turn valid concerns about their respective “controversies” into a joke and marketing gimmick by naming one of the eyeshadow palettes “Controversy.” It’s not that I can’t give credit where credit is due. Shane Dawson is one of YouTube’s first big stars, and has managed to remain relevant over 10 years deep into his career as a content creator. Star started out garnering a notorious reputation on MySpace, and has managed to build a makeup empire, a successful YouTube channel, and a net worth of over $72 million. As a multi-media content creator and eyeshadow addict myself, these things are objectively admirable. It’s just difficult for me as a Black woman to get past each man’s extensive history of racism and equally disgusting or unpleasant behavior, especially when the actions following their apologies (and some parts of the apologies themselves) have been insufficient in proving they’ve truly changed thus far.

Dawson and Shane’s Conspiracy and Mini Controversy Palettes

My final thoughts on the issue go out to the super fans who will undoubtedly be up in arms and ready to attack me in defense of their faves: With all due respect, I do not care what you do with your own money or how you feel about me and what I do with mine. If you want to give these guys your money, I literally will not and cannot stop you. I don’t care to police your spending habits or claim to be a moral or ethical authority and guiding light in anyone’s life but my own. The palette and merch sold out within minutes of the launch, so clearly people are into it. And they can be into it. Personally, solely from the perspective of a makeup consumer, I’m not really that crazy about the color story of the “Conspiracy” eyeshadow palette, though I do find the colors in the “Mini Controversy” palette to be appealing. I think the dead pig logo is adorable, but I don’t think it’s cute enough to justify the $80 price tag for the backpack. At the end of the day, I’m just not comfortable spending my money on any part of the ShaneXJeffree collaboration for all of the reasons stated, and so I won’t. If my lack of interest in supporting people I don’t personally feel deserve my support bothers you…that is entirely a you problem. Instead of potentially harassing me when all I’m gonna do is block you as I scroll through my phone in the Starbucks drive-thru, I suggest you ask yourself why you feel that my decision to refrain from giving Dawson and Star my money prevents you from doing and enjoying whatever you decide to do with your own. You do you, let me do me, and most importantly, be at peace with it.

~DeLa Doll

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**I have corrected an error in which I incorrectly attributed the Aokigahara “suicide forest” scandal to Jake Paul, when it was his brother, Logan Paul who went into the forest, found a hanging victim of suicide, proceeded to film and joke about it, and then upload the video to YouTube. I apologize for the error.

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DeLa Doll is a writer and cosplayer who eats too much icecream. Her work has been published here on her own website, as well on The Huffington Post and GeekxGirls.com. She is particularly passionate about diversity in media representation and Joann Fabric coupons.