"Before the game I was actually nervous, you know," says QPR defender Grant Hall. Quite the admission for a professional footballer with 140 senior appearance to his name.

A player who dominates games for the Hoops, his appearance against Leeds United in the FA Cup was no ordinary game.

It was an historic result for Steve McClaren's team - the first time that the Rs had won a tie in the competition in 23 years without needing a replay. For Hall, it had an even greater significance.

The 27-year-old was diagnosed with chronic tendonitis in his knee in April 2017, an injury which has cost him almost two years of his career.

His return was understandably emotional, as well as triumphant.

"It meant a lot to me because it's been so long it just seemed like a big occasion for me to get back out on the pitch," Hall tells football.london.

"My last 90 minutes was away at Blackpool and not a lot of fans got to travel to see me there, so it meant a lot to get out there in front of the fans at Loftus Road.

"I love the stadium and I love the fans. I've always had a great connection with them since I signed and obviously it's been a very frustrating couple of years for me and I'm just looking forward to what 2019 brings."

(Image: (Photo by Jordan Mansfield/Getty Images))

Grant Hall's QPR career started like a dream; quickly establishing himself as a central figure in the side under previous managers Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink and Ian Holloway.

But in the April of 2017 is when everything went black.

Chronic tendonitis is a condition which has hindered the careers of many high profile football players including Owen Hargreaves and Laurent Koscielny.

Despite trying to battle through the extreme discomfort in his knee, Hall knew that surgery was the only way to fully heal the injury.

But such is the nature of these injuries, any operation to fix the problem is high risk. The defender was left with a big decision to make regarding his future in the game.

"It's difficult," he says. "Going from playing pretty much every game in the first two seasons after I signed to then being hit with the knee injury and not really being able to play to my full potential for a year-and-a-half.

"I tried everything to avoid having an operation. I tried injections, I tried rehab, I went to see a specialist and I kept coming back and then breaking down again.

"It came to a point where I had to have the operation. I was in two minds about it because I'd read a few things and I wasn't sure.

"At one point I thought 'if this doesn't work it could be the end of my career' – there was a lot on the line.

(Image: Getty Images Europe)

"Thankfully the operation worked and I've had no issue with my knee whatsoever. It's taken a while but I'm in a place now where I've been mostly fit for the season so I feel good."

The life of a professional footballer with a long-term injury can be a lonely one.

While friends and teammates are out kicking the ball during training, the stricken player has focus on work indoors with the physios.

Exercises to try and rebuild strength around the problem area can be repetitive. Tedious, even.

It isn't a case of hours or days spent following the same routine but weeks and months. Progress can be so gradual as to be hard to recognise

Rehabilitation programmes are physically demanding but it's the psychological impact that can take its toll.

Professional athletes are wired to compete. They seek goals and challenges against which to push themselves and overcome. Recovery puts that life on hold. The pause is painful.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with," says Hall. "A lot of people in football don't see the ins and outs of what goes on with injuries and in football so it's hard for them to understand at times.

"I've only ever known football, so for that to be taken away from me and for me to have no control over what's going on, or knowing when I was going to be back, it was really difficult – to the point where there were times where I was depressed.

"I didn't really know what to do with myself and at times I had to try and stay away from football because I just couldn't be around it.

"People kept asking me 'when are you going to be back?' and I couldn't give them an answer.

(Image: Harry Trump/Getty Images)

"I knew the complications of the injury. Chronic tendonitis is not something that you can cure quickly. If the operation didn't go to plan then that could be it. It'd be the end of my career, I'd have to retire and I was thinking where do I go from here?

"It was all of these emotions sort of building up and I just didn't know how to deal with it."

The subject of mental health, particularly among men, has seen a rise in awareness in recent years, although many still suffer in silence.

According to the Mental Health Foundation, only 24% of men who have felt high levels of stress have discussed their worries with a friend or family member.

The 76% who don't talk are at risk of internalising these problems, and that can have tragic consequences. Suicide is the biggest cause of death for men under 45, and men account for 78% of the people who have died from suicide.

A staggering 78% of suicides caused by mental health are committed by men, with just 22% being committed by women.

Efforts have been made in football to encourage players – past and present – to speak about their problems, with Steven Caulker, Clarke Carlisle, Lee Hendrie and Gianluigi Buffon just four of the examples of those who have gone public with their own battles with mental health.

For Hall, speaking out wasn't easy when he felt like he shouldn't be speaking out at all.

"I'll be totally honest with you; I kept everything to myself," he says.

"I didn't know who to discuss it with and that was the wrong thing to do.

"Everyone thought I was okay, but I wasn't and no one actually saw that within the club either, but I didn't expect them to because I acted normally, but I was in a bad place. A very, very bad place.

"I couldn't talk to my family because I didn't think they'd understand because they've not been in football, and I couldn't speak to anyone at the club.

"I felt it had to be someone outside of the club that knows how to deal with these situations and has been in these situations themselves.

"It's the sort of person I've been throughout my life. I just keep things to myself. Unless it's a serious problem which this was, I'd keep things to myself.

"I kept this to myself because I didn't know who to speak to about it."

Grant Hall's case isn't unusual. The aforementioned statistics show that. Inside and outside of football, many still feel determined to battle these demons on their own.

Asking for help or wanting to talk can feel like showing weakness or putting your problems on others.

But when the defender did eventually share his feelings at training one day, he was surprised at how easy it was for help to find him.

"It was actually Les Ferdinand who put me on to someone from the PFA," says Hall, "It was just an insight into what he'd been through in his career and it really helped me out.

"Speaking to them was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I'd been struggling for so long.

"I'm glad that I came out and spoke about it and I'm happy to release that information now because I feel comfortable.

"I don't feel ashamed to talk about this sort of stuff and I don't think any footballer should.

"I'm really pleased that I went to speak with someone and I'm really grateful to the club and to Les Ferdinand as well who put me forward to the person I spoke to."

Football and the rest of society still has a long way to go to end the stigma around depression and mental health but stepping out onto the pitch to be reunited with the Loftus Road faithful, Hall knows how important it is to talk.

"It's opened my mind to the fact that it's okay to speak to people, and they'll understand," he says, and he is ready to build on his performance against Leeds.

"Thankfully, the operation worked and my knee's fantastic now," he says.

Judging by the reaction he received at the weekend, the QPR fans could not be happier to see their No. 4 back in action.

The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is leading a movement against suicide, the single biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK.

Their free, confidential and anonymous helpline and webchat are open every day, 5pm - midnight for anyone who may be going through a difficult time in their life. Visit thecalmzone.net for more info.

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