- HEY, EVERYONE, EXCUSE ME. EVERYBODY, CAN I JUST HAVEA SECOND OF YOUR TIME, PLEASE? EVERYONE LISTEN UP. LISTEN, EVERYBODY I OWE KYLEA BIG APOLOGY, AND I WANT TO DO ITIN FRONT OF EVERYONE BECAUSE I WAS WRONG, KYLE. - ABOUT WHAT? - I'M AFRAID THAT KYLE AND I GOT INTO A LITTLE DISAGREEMENTYESTERDAY. YEAH, YEAH,IT WAS PRETTY NASTY. AND I WAS TOTALLY WRONGAND YOU WERE RIGHT, KYLE. I THOUGHT ONLY HUMANSCOULD BE GINGERS. DAVIN HERE?DAVIN MILLER. OH, YEAH, THERE YOU ARE. I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY,TOO, DAVIN. WHEN KYLE SAID THATHUMANS WEREN'T THE ONLY SPECIES THAT COULD HAVE LIGHT SKINAND FRECKLES, I TOTALLY LAUGHED IN HIS FACE. BUT IT TURNS OUTKYLE WAS RIGHT. THERE ARE OTHER ANIMALSTHAT CAN BE GINGER AS WELL. I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT. I GUESS I DIDN'T WANTTO BELIEVE IT. BUT THIS MORNING I SAW ARED-HAIRED LIGHT-SKINNED COW, I OWE YOU, KYLE, AND YOU, DAVIN,MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES. - WHERE DID YOU FINDA RED-HAIRED COW? - OH, WOULD YOU GUYSLIKE SEE IT? [cows lowing] THERE,THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE, SEE? A RED-HEADED COW. [snickering]- WHOA! LOOK AT IT!- YOU WERE RIGHT, KYLE. A GINGER COW. I SHALL NEVER QUESTION YOUR KEENINTELLECT AGAIN. - WOW, THAT'S PRETTY TRIPPY. - YEAH. YEAH, BE SURETO GET SOME PICTURES OF IT. I'M PRETTY SURE THIS OCCURSONLY RARELY IN NATURE. - ALL RIGHT, CARTMAN,JOKE'S OVER. - WHAT JOKE? THIS IS REAL.- TELL EVERYONE YOU MADE THE COW LOOK LIKE THAT.- NO! NO, YOU WERE RIGHT, KYLE. I WAS WRONG!- BULLY, ERIC. I SURE DO ADMIRE YOUR COURAGE TO ADMIT WHEN YOU'VE MADEA MISTAKE. - THANK YOU, BUTTERS![snickering] - I GOTTA GO SHOW THISTO MY MOM. - LET'S GO GETTHE KINDERGARTENERS. THEY'RE GONNA WANNASEE THIS TOO. - YEAH, BE SURE TO SHOWEVERYONE, GUYS. IT'S REALLY AMAZING. HA HA.AH, TOO GOOD, TOO, TOO GOOD. - EVEN THE DUMBEST LIE CAN HAVEBIG CONSEQUENCES. - YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, KYLE. I'M SURE THAT IS GOING TO HAVEEARTH-SHATTERING CONSEQUENCES. [chortling] [background chatter]

[speaking Farsi] [speaking Farsi] [speaking Swahili] [speaking Japanese] [grunting, still speaking]

WILL KYLE BROFLOVSKI REPORT TOTHE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE? - HUH?- KYLE BROFLOVSKI TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.PLEASE. MKAY. - HA HA!WHAT YOU DO, KYLE? - NOTHING.- BUSTED! - THANKS FOR COMING, KYLE. - WHAT'S GOING ON? - KYLE, THESE MEN HAVEAPPARENTLY COME ALL THE WAY FROM ISRAELTO SPEAK WITH ME, BUT WE NEED A TRANSLATOR. - I DON'T SPEAK HEBREW. - KYLE, PLEASE TRY YOUR BEST.IT SEEMS PRETTY IMPORTANT. THIS BOY...MKAY...IS JEW. MKAY? JEW LIKE YOU.OKAY? PLEASE...PLEASE TRY...SPEAK TO JEW. - [sighs] WE'RE JUST TRYINGTO TELL THEM THAT WE COME ON VERY URGENTBUSINESS. - ANYTHING? - HE SAID THEY COME ONURGENT BUSINESS. - OH, WHAT DID HE NEED? - LOOK, WE BELIEVE THIS SCHOOLHAS SOMETHING WHICH IS OF THE UTMOSTIMPORTANT TO OUR PEOPLE. WE WISH TO SEE THE RED COW. - THE RED--COME ON, YOU CAN'TPOSSIBLY BE HERE FOR THAT. - FOR WHAT?WHAT DID HE SAY, KYLE? - PLEASE, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND. THE FATE OFTHE WORLD IS AT STAKE. THE COMING OF A RED HEIFERIS THE MOST HOLY SIGN IN ALL OF JUDAISM. IT SIGNALS THE BEGINNINGOF THE END. IT IS NOT JUST OUR RELIGION, BUT ISLAM AND CHRISTIANITYAS WELL. THEY ALL AGREE ON ONE THING-- THAT THE RED HEIFERMEANS THE END OF TIMES. - DID YOU CATCH ANY OF THAT,KYLE?

- OH, MY HOLY SCHMEAR! - [speaking Farsi] - THE MUSLIMS,THEY BEAT US HERE. - WHAT'S GOING ON, KYLE? - HE SAID THE MUSLIMSBEAT THEM HERE. GODDAMN IT! - STEP AWAY.YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. - YES. AND YOU KNOWYOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE. - HOLD ON, EVERYBODY,THIS THING ISN'T EVEN-- - DON'T TOUCH IT! [background noise] - WELL, I JUST RAN TOTHE SCHOOL AND TOLD EVERYONE HEY, THERE'S A RED-HEADED COWOUTSIDE. YOU SHOULD ALL SEE IT.- CARTMAN, STOP! YOU DON'T KNOW WHATYOU'RE DOING. - I'M PRETTY SURE THAT THIS COWCAN MAKE GINGER CHEESE WHICH IS LIKE A SWISS CHEESE, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF HOLESIT HAS FRECKLES. [snickering]- NOOOOO! - THE MUSLIMS AND THE CHRISTIANSARE CALLING FOR A MEETING TO DISCUSS THE TERMS OF WAR. - VERY WELL.LET US MEET TO DISCUSS HOW THE WORLD AS WE KNOW ITENDS.

- ALL RIGHT, SO FAR WE AGREE THERE'LL BENO AUTOMATIC RIFLES, NO SHANKS,AND NO CHEMICAL WEAPONS. - IF THERE CAN BENO CHEMICAL WEAPONS, THEN THE CHRISTIANS CAN USENO NUCLEAR WEAPONS. [overlapping yelling in Farsi] - OH, COME ON.WITHOUT NUCLEAR WEAPONS, WHAT KIND OF FINAL ARMAGEDDONIS THIS GONNA BE? - YEAH!- THAT'S RIGHT! - COULD WE AGREE ONNON-BALLISTIC NUCLEAR ONLY? - YEAH, I SUPPOSE THAT'S FINE.- THAT MAKES SENSE. - NON-BALLISTIC NUCLEAR ONLY.ALL RIGHT. NOW ON TO PRISONERS. ARE WE ALL AGREEINGTO DECAPITATIONS? - OF COURSE WE ARE!WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? - YEAH, COME ON.[yelling in Farsi] - WAIT A MINUTE.WAIT A MINUTE. HAS ANYONE NOTICED SOMETHING? WE ARE ALL IN A ROOM TOGETHER.TALKING. HAS IT OCCURRED TO ANYONE ELSETHAT THIS PROPHECY, WHICH AMAZINGLYIS IN ALL THREE RELIGIONS, COULD ACTUALLY BE MEANTTO BRING US TOGETHER? - THE PROPHECY SAYS THE REDHEIFER SIGNALS THE END. COULD IT MEAN THE END OF WAR? - IF THE COW IS SACRIFICEDIN ISRAEL, ACCORDING TO THE PROPHECY, THE PERHAPS IT COULDBRING ABOUT PEACE. [mystical singing] [helicopter whirring] - ♪ AH [vocalizing continues] - MOOOO!

A POSSIBILITY FOR PEACEIN THE MIDDLE EAST. IN THE PAST 48 HOURS, JEWS,MUSLIMS, AND CHRISTIANS HAVE MET IN ISRAELTO SORT OUT THEIR DIFFERENCES. IT MAY BE A ROCKY ROAD, BUT MANY SAY THE CHANCEFOR PEACE IS REAL AND ALL BECAUSE OF A RED COWDISCOVERED BY A YOUNG BOY HERE IN THE U.S. [doorbell rings] - HEY, KYLE, YOU GOT A MINUTE? - YEAH. - I'VE GOT TO TELL YOUSOMETHING, KYLE. THE RED-HEADED COW...ISN'T REAL. I MADE HIM UP. - NO SHIT.- I TOTALLY LIED, KYLE. AND WHEN YOU ASKED MEIF I LIED I LOOKED YOU RIGHT IN THE EYEAND I SAID NO. I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY,AND I MEAN IT. - WELL, IT'S OKAY.THERE'S NO DENYING IT ALL WORKED OUTFOR THE BEST THIS TIME. - NO! NO, KYLE, YOU SAIDIT'S NEVER FOR THE BEST. REMEMBER THAT?AND YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT, KYLE!- OH, NO, NO, NO. CARTMAN, DON'T YOU DO THIS. THE MIDDLE EASTIS FINALLY AT PEACE. - BUT IT'S NOT TRUE.KYLE, I'M BEING SERIOUS. I REALLY THINK I HAVETO TELL THE TRUTH. I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN LIVEWITH THIS. I DON'T THINK I CAN UNLESS...UNLESS, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU CALLEDYOUR MOM A FAT SKANK. MAYBE IF YOU SAID THATTO YOUR MOM AND TOLD HER HER TITSBELONGED IN A MORGUE, THEN MAYBE SOMEHOWI CAN LIVE WITH THIS LIE. - DUDE, GO HELL! - YOU'RE RIGHT.YOU'RE RIGHT, KYLE. I SHOULD JUST TELL THE TRUTHAND BE DONE WITH IT. - WAIT. MOM. - HI, BUBIE. - MOM, THERE'S SOMETHINGI NEED TO TELL YOU. - WHAT IS IT, KYLE? - YOU'RE A FAT SKANK, MOM. - [gasps]KYLE, OH, MY GOSH! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? - YOU'RE A FAT SKANK MOM, ANDYOUR TITS BELONG IN A MORGUE. - OH, MY GOD. MS. BROFLOVSKI, ARE YOU OKAY? DOES HE ALWAYS TALK TO YOULIKE THAT?

- YEAH, COME ON OVER HERE. I GOT SOME MORE STUFFIN MY LOCKER, KYLE. - HOW COME YOU'RE CARRYINGCARTMAN'S STUFF? - I JUST THOUGHTIT WOULD BE NICE. - KYLE'S DOING ALL KINDS OFTHINGS FOR ME. HE FINISHED MY HOMEWORK, GAVE METHE SODA FROM HIS LUNCH. I THINK HE'S JUST REALLYSTOKED ON ME FOR HELPING BRING PEACETO THE MIDDLE EAST. RIGHT, KYLE?- YES, SIR. - OH, LOOKS LIKEMOST EVERYONE'S HERE. WASN'T THERE SOMETHING YOUWANTED TO SAY, KYLE, REMEMBER, ABOUT THE...- YES. I LOVE CARTMAN'S FARTS. - YOU WHAT? - YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, I WANTCARTMAN'S FARTS IN MY TUMMY. - DUDE, WHAT THE HELLARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY,CAN I PLEASE HAVE CARTMAN'S FARTSIN MY TUMMY? - OKAY, OKAY!JESUS. LAY DOWN ON YOUR BACK,KYLE. - YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY...- LET'S SEE WHAT I CAN MUSTER UP HERE.- YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY-- - LET'S SEE. OH...OH! [farts] - YUMMY, YUMMY.THANK YOU, CARTMAN. - WHAT. THE [beeped]?

- COME ON IN. - MR. MACKEY,CAN I TALK TO YOU? - SURE,KYLE WHAT'S THE MATTER? - IF YOU KNEW SOMETHINGBUT COULDN'T TELL ANYONE, WHAT COULD YOU DO? - WELL, KYLE LIVING WITH A LIEIS NEVER A GOOD THING, MKAY? COULD YOU MAYBE JUST TELL ME? - OKAY.OKAY. I LOVE HAVING CARTMAN'S FARTSIN MY TUMMY. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT SO, SO MUCH. - WELL, WHY DO YOU LIKE HISFARTS IN YOUR TUMMY? - BECAUSE THEY TASTE SO YUMMY. - WELL, KYLE,THAT'S KIND OF ODD. NOT SURE HOW TO HELP YOUWITH THAT. - MR. MACKEY, COULD I--OH, HEY, SORRY. AM I INTERRUPTING? - NOT IF YOU HAVE SOMEDELICIOUS FARTS FOR ME. - KYLE, ARE YOU SURE? - PLEASE. - ALL RIGHT. [farts] - YUMMY, YUMMY. - M...KAY.

- TODAY BEGINS THE NEW ISRAEL. [bell dings] TODAYWE ARE ALL UNITED AS ONE. CHAKAM BALADA. - CHAKAM BALADA. - CHAKAM BALADA! - NOW, LET US CELEBRATEUNDER ONE SYMBOL. [bell tolling] [Van Halen playing] ♪ - NO WAY, NO WAY! - EPIC! - HELLO, ISRAEL! ♪ I HEARD THE NEWS, BABY ♪ ALL ABOUT YOUR DISEASE - THE PARTY IS OFFICIALLYUNDER WAY. JEWS, CHRISTIANS, AND MUSLIMSHAVE UNITED, USHERING IN TEN YEARSOF VAN HALEN. OUT IN THE CROWD PEOPLE ARECELEBRATING LIKE NEVER BEFORE. - ♪ MY LOVE IS ROTTENTO THE CORE ♪ [guitar solo] ♪ ♪ HEY HEY HEY ♪ ♪ HEY HEY HEY ♪ ♪ HEY HEY HEY ♪ - NO DOUBT ISRAEL IS THEHAPPIEST ROCKINGEST PLACE TO BE.

- HEY, KYLE.- HEY. - KYLE, THERE'S PEACEIN THE MIDDLE EAST. THEY'RE SAYING MAYBEIT'S GOING TO LEAD TO PEACE ALL OVER THE WORLD. EVERYONE'S REALLY HAPPY. YOU SHOULD BE TOO. - I AM HAPPY, STAN.I'M THRILLED. - DUDE, WE'VE BEEN FRIENDSA LONG TIME. CAN YOU JUST TELL ME WHY YOULIKE CARTMAN'S FARTS SO MUCH? - I JUST DO, STAN. - YOU LIKE HOW THEY SMELL,HOW THEY TASTE? - YES. - THEY'RE REALLY THAT GOOD? - YES. - SHOULD I TRY THEM? - NO! - YUMMY, YUMMY.YUMMY, YUMMY. - THIS IS CARTMAN.I HAVE TO TAKE IT. HELLO? - HEY, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ORDERSOME DINNER. WHAT SOUNDS BETTER IN YOURMOUTH TOMORROW, THAI OR GREEK? - I DON'T CARE.- I CARE, KYLE. YOU SHOULD HAVE A SAY IN THIS.THEY'RE YOUR YUMMY FARTS. SHOULD WE GO WITH THAI?- THAT'S FINE. - KYLE, MAYBE YOU SHOULDGET SOME HELP. - PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ITALONE, STAN. EVERYTHING IS AS IT HAS TO BE. - I DON'T GET IT, KENNY. - [muffled] MAYBE HE'S LIKEMENTALLY ILL OR SOMETHING. - WHATEVER IT IS,WE GOT TO FIGURE IT OUT. I THINK ALL THOSE FARTS ARESTARTING TO GO TO KYLE'S HEAD.

CARTMAN, NO!NO MORE! [grunting, muttering] [triumphal music] - [commanding voice]KYLE BROFLOVSKI. - HUH? WHO...WHO IS THAT? - WHY DO YOU ENDUREALL THE FARTS, KYLE? - I--BECAUSE THE WORLDIS AT PEACE. I MUST ENDURE. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING IS THE MOST AWESOMETHING EVER. - I...I KNOW. - WHO ELSE WOULD TAKESUCH TORMENT? - THAT'S--THAT'S KINDAWHAT I WAS THINKING. - [surfer voice] YOU SHOULD LIKESHAVE YOUR HEAD AND GET ALL PEACEFUL ABOUT IT. YOUR SACRIFICE SAVES THE WORLD. - YES. I ENDURE WHAT I MUST FORTHE SAKE OF ALL HUMANITY.

[drumming grows louder] - ♪ WHOA! [Hot For Teacher plays] ♪ OH, YEAH ♪ T-T-TEACHER,STOP THAT SCREAMIN' ♪ ♪ TEACHER, DON'T YOU SEE? - WHAT CAN THIS REPORTER SAY EXCEPT THAT ISRAELFREAKING ROCKS. THINGS JUST KEEP GETTINGBETTER HERE, TOM. AND IN A FEW DAYS,THEY'LL BE HONORING THE LITTLE BOY WHO DISCOVEREDTHE RED COW HERE ON STAGE, AND THINGS ARE GONNA GO OFF! - YOU GONNA COME WITH METO ISRAEL, KYLE?

- HUH? YOU COMING?[farting] - YES, WHATEVER YOU WANT. - OKAY, I WANTTHE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU LOVEMY FARTS. PLANE LEAVES TOMORROW. - KYLE, DON'T DO THIS. DON'T EAT CARTMAN'S FARTSIN FRONT OF THE WHOLE WORLD. - JUST STOP, PLEASE. - IT'S OKAY.EVERYONE, IT'S OKAY. PERHAPS ONE DAYYOU WILL ALL UNDERSTAND. WHAT I DO,I DO BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. - WELL, NOW HEJUST SOUNDS LIKE A SELF RIGHTEOUSASSHOLE. - HEY, KYLE.- HELLO, STAN. - DUDE, WE NEED TO TALK. THIS HAS TO STOP. - THERE ARE GREATER THINGS ATWORK THAN WHAT YOU UNDERSTAND. - IF YOU WANT TO SUCK FARTS,KYLE, THAT'S FINE, GO AHEAD. BUT YOU CAN'T SUCK FARTSAND BE A DICK ABOUT IT. - I'M ACTUALLY THE COMPLETEOPPOSITE. - ALL OF A SUDDENYOU SEEM TO THINK YOU'RE ABOVE EVERYONE ELSE.- I'M NOT BETTER, I'M JUST... DOING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO MAKE THE WORLDA BETTER PLACE. - SEE? YOU SOUND LIKE A DICK. - I HAPPEN TO BE THE ONE PERSONWHO'S PUTTING EVERYONE ELSE'S NEEDSBEFORE THEIR OWN. - DICK.THAT'S A DICK TALKING. YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCHOF CARTMAN'S FART. YOU GOT SULFUR POISONING,AND NOW YOU'RE A DICK. - ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS I'M WAY AWESOMERTHAN YOU THINK, OKAY? - I DON'T THINK KYLE REALLYLOVES CARTMAN'S FARTS. THERE'S SOMETHING ELSEGOING ON. - [muffled]REALLY? LIKE WHAT? - THIS ALL STARTEDWITH STUPID PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST, KENNY. FOR SOME REASON,IT'S MAKING KYLE CRAZY. WE'VE GOTTA GETTO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

[cheers and applause] - AND NOW, LET US HONORTHE LITTLE BOY WHO HELPED MAKEALL HIS HAPPEN-- ERIC CARTMAN AND HISBEST FRIEND, FART BOY. [Van Halen chords play] ♪ - THANK YOU, EVERYONE. IT'S MY HONOR TO HAVE BEENA PART OF THIS MIRACLE. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, FART BOY? - CAN I PLEASE HAVE ONE OF YOURPIPING HOT FARTS IN MY MOUTH? - ARE YOU SURE, FART BOY? I'VE HAD A LOT OF STRANGE FOODON THIS TRIP. - YUMMY, YUMMY.I WANT YOUR FARTS IN MY TUMMY. - EXCUSE ME,I'M SORRY, EVERYONE, BUT APPARENTLYTHERE'S SOME BREAKING NEWS IN THE UNITED STATES. - WE'RE IN COLORADO WHERETHE RED COW WAS DISCOVERED, AND APPARENTLY TWO BOYSHAVE SHOCKING NEWS THAT MIGHT CHANGEEVERYTHING. - YES, THERE'S SOMETHINGTHAT YOU ALL NEED TO KNOW. THE TRUTH ABOUT THE RED COW. WE HAVE ALL BEEN--[phone ringing] SORRY, HANG ON.[ringing] [beep]HELLO? - DUDE, DO NOT DO THIS. - NO, DUDE,YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. CARTMAN HASN'T BEEN TELLINGTHE TRUTH. - YES, I KNOW THAT! WHY DO YOU THINK I'VE BEENPUTTING UP WITH HIS FARTS? - OH... - OH WHAT? - I KNOW CARTMAN MADE ITALL UP, OKAY? I ALSO KNOW THAT NOTHINGIS MORE IMPORTANT FOR HUMANITY THAN PEACEIN THE MIDDLE EAST. I'M OKAY WITH THIS, STAN. - WELL, I'M NOT OKAY WITH IT, 'CAUSE IT'S TURNED YOUINTO A DICK, KYLE. - I'M NOT A DICK!I'M LIKE GANDHI. - YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINKWHEN GANDHI STARVED HIMSELF HE WAS ALL, "DUDE, LOOK HOW[beeped] AWESOME I AM FOR STARVING.CHECK ME OUT!" - OKAY, OKAY.STAN, YOU'RE RIGHT. MAYBE I LET BEING A MARTYRGO TO MY HEAD. JUST PLEASE, LET MESTAY ON THIS PATH, AND I'LL TRY TO BE COOLABOUT IT. OKAY?I'M SORRY. - YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZETO KENNY TOO. - [tinny sound]I'M SORRY, KENNY. - [muffled]THAT'S OKAY, KYLE! - WHAT IS THE NEW INFORMATION? - THE RED COW... I SAW IT TOO. IT CAME DOWN FROM THE SKYIN A FLASH OF LIGHT. IT WAS A MIRACLE. - HOORAY!- OH, NO, IT WAS A MIRACLE? - THEN IT'S NOT TRUE. THE PROPHECY IS NOT TRUE. [all groaning, moaning] - WAIT, I THOUGHTWE WERE ALL HERE BECAUSE OF THE PROPHECY OFA MIRACULOUS RED COW. - NO, THE PROPHECYIS THAT ONE DAY A FAT CHILD WITH A SMALL PENIS WOULDDECORATE A COW TO LOOK GINGER. NOT THAT ONE WOULD MIRACULOUSLYJUST FALL FROM THE SKY. - I KNEW THIS ALLTOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. - WE'RE ASSOCIATING WITH THESEHEATHENS FOR NO REASON! - SMALL PENIS? - THE PARTY'S OVER.