Which flawed, fading white guy will you choose? The bully from Jersey who once derided your campaign and is now your lap dog? Or Pence, the super boring, antigay, antichoice crusader in a tough reelection battle? The build-a-colony-on-the-moon throwback, in Newt, who would bring the total number of wives associated with your ticket to a super impressive six? The excitement is unbearable!

As I write this, you master of manly magnificence, speculation over your VP pick is reaching steroidal levels. You met with New Jersey Governor Chris Christie on Tuesday. You paid a visit to Indiana Governor Mike Pence Wednesday morning. Former House speaker Newt Gingrich flew in to see you after that.


Also unbearable: the fact that our own Scott Brown appears not to have made the short list. Yes, I know he made that carpetbagger move to New Hampshire in the (vain) hope of getting back into the US Senate after Elizabeth Warren ended his short career there. But he'll always belong to Massachusetts.

Brown was one of the first well-known Republicans to back you, bravely sticking out his neck — and raising his flagging profile — way back before the New Hampshire primary, when almost nobody took you (or him) seriously. And you seemed intrigued from the start. I mean, the looks alone!

"Look at that guy! He's central casting!" you said back in January. "A great guy and a beautiful wife and a great family." And Brown seemed pretty chuffed at that, saying he'd "continue to work hard and see what happens," VP-wise.

That got my hopes up. And it made perfect sense, because you guys have so much in common. You both appeal to white men — you speak to their anger, as does Brown, who also speaks to their love of rugged drivers of pickups. You both take a hard line on immigration. You're both squishy on abortion.


You're both super entrepreneurial, in a grifty sort of way. You have your hinky university and your steaks and your airline. Brown has his multilevel dietary supplement marketing scheme.

And you're both such champs at Twitter — prolific, refreshingly unafraid to expose your thin skins, tweeting major burns at critics or blocking them altogether (Take me back, @SenScottBrown!).

But running mates shouldn't just be twinsies. How could anyone match your orange excellence anyway? A VP pick should also shore you up where you're weak. There again, Brown provides.

You want foreign policy chops? Check! The former senator has boasted of being "in secret meetings with kings and queens and prime ministers and business leaders and military leaders." And he told the Globe recently that he continues to give speeches "all over the world."

He's also an expert on health, an area where (no offense), your fast-food-loving majesty might need some help. In a Trump administration, Brown could take Michelle Obama's place as the nation's first fitness guru. The frequently bare-chested former senator crushes triathlons. And he's not above body-shaming. "Time to hit the gym buddy," he recently tweeted at one of my colleagues. Let's move, fatties!


Obviously, a Massachusetts-bred Republican isn't going to guarantee you victories in swing states. But Brown might help you with family-values folks leery about your short attention span in matters of the heart. He's not a fire-and-brimstone guy on social issues like Pence (boring!) but he really, really loves his wife. How could anyone resist the kind of romantic who buys a billboard to celebrate his 30th wedding anniversary?

Seriously, sir, I just don't understand how your splendiferous self could pass all of this up. How can you court those fogeys when Mr. Right is right here, ready to serve?

Scott Brown is the running mate you deserve. I beg you to reconsider.

Our gift to New Hampshire should be New Hampshire's re-gift to America.

Globe columnist Yvonne Abraham can be reached at yvonne.abraham@globe.com.