Husband: I don’t care what anyone says, this is a great t-shirt.

Wife: I know honey, but do you have to wear it to the rehearsal dinner?

Husband: Uh, how else will everyone know that the father of the bride is not to be fucked with?

Wife: John, no one is going to “F” with you at our daughter’s wedding.

Husband: Remember our wedding? Two fights broke out.

Wife: That you started!

Husband: I specifically told the DJ Steely Dan only! He’s the one who started playing “Funkytown”.

Wife: John, this shirt is not appropriate for a rehearsal dinner!

Husband: Hold on. Did I just hear my wife tell me that loving the United States of America isn’t appropriate.

Wife: I didn’t say that.

Husband: I love three things in this world. The USA, Steely Dan and you. In that order.

Wife: I know, you tell me every night before we go to bed.

Husband: And in the morning.

Wife: Fine John, wear the damn shirt.

She starts to walk away.

Wife: I just think it’s strange that the dog on your patriotic shirt is a German Shepherd.

John looks down at his shirt.

Husband: Wait, what?