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So, I came up with a rendition of how I’d do the final episode of the Good Place. Warning: it’s a long’un.

I don’t really know about the beginning, but I know about the end. Well, middle/end, there are two ways I can end it, and I’m guessing everyone can guess what those two ways are if they’ve seen the big theory floating around. But I’ll still save saying what happens till it happens.

So, after about half an hour of the episode, we go into a montage. A 10-15 minute montage. No one speaks. I’m would be tough because I want to have a few guest stars in my version. While reading what I write, I’d advise listening to some bittersweet music, like here: https://youtu.be/YqRamBgMzW8

I’ve written some of how I’d imagine the montage would go:

“Eleanor and Chidi return home and lie in their blanket. Outside, we see the sky go from day to night and back over and over again. Then we see a hot air balloon fly down. The 4 humans go there.

Inside the hot air balloon is Eleanor’s mum, an old woman now, and her husband, also old. Eleanor hugs her mum. Next to them is Patty: also an old woman, but Eleanor recognises her as her step sister. She tears up that she’s older than Eleanor now. Patty turns into a woman around Eleanor’s age, and Eleanor smiles. Eleanor’s mum stays old.

We notice movement behind Patty. Eleanor gestures towards it and out comes a young child. Eleanor puts her hands over her mouth in shock. This is a child.

Next, we see the child, her mum Patty, Eleanor, Donna and Michael near one of the green doors. Michael looks at the daughter and she nods her head. Michael snaps his fingers and Patty goes through the door.

We’re in a living room with the child, a 30-year old Patty, and a man who’s presumably Patty’s wife. They’re reading the child a story. We see a montage of them growing up in the house until the child is an adult.

Back in the good place, we see Michael reading ticker tape. He snaps his fingers again. A few seconds later, we see Patty’s daughter exit the portal. Patty hugs her.

Then, we see the party hall getting more full. We see Jason throw an American football at someone, but it hits them in the head. The man turns around and it’s Blake Bortles. Jason has his mouth wide open and drags Blake to a green door. Blake sighs, but follows him.

Then we see Jason on a team with monkeys and Blake on the opposite team with a real team. They’re playing American football. Blake’s team wins in a landslide, but Jason is happy and even Blake is enjoying himself.

Back at the party hall, we see Tahani meet Paul McCartney, her godfather. Paul smiles and Big Ben appears behind him. Tahani laughs and hugs the clock tower. When she lets go, she looks back and starts coughing.

We also see other people enter the good place: Uzo, Chidi’s parents, Donkey Doug and Pillboy, Tahani’s sister, Simone, John, Brent, even Og and Grog. And then, outside Eleanor and Chidi’s house.

Chidi goes down on one knee and gives Eleanor a ring. She’s crying and she takes the ring. Instead of a jewel there’s shrimp on the ring. Eleanor laughs, and Chidi smiles and gestures to the shrimp. Eleanor eats the shrimp on the ring. 5 seconds later, it grows back. Eleanor leans on Chidi’s shoulder in affection.

Then, we see the wedding. Everyone’s there, parents, test subjects, Hypatia. Even Vicky, Glenn, Bad Janet and Shawn are there. The bittersweet music goes into the music from Michael’s video in “Pandemonium” during the wedding. Eleanor mouths “I love you” and Chidi mouths it back. (Well, they say it in real life, but we can’t hear it.)

Then, Jason and Janet’s wedding. The wedding is filled with everyone from before but also a variety of animals and Blake Bortles.

We see Vicky and Shawn go through the green doors and enjoy torturing people through that.

Then, we see people start to leave. Hypatia’s the first. She hugs team cockroach before entering the door to the end.

We see Donna and her husband leave together.

Grog is ready to leave. Before he goes, he gives Og a rock. Og bursts into tears, but lets Grog leave.

Chidi’s parents, and then Og. The good place committee. Donkey Doug. The test subjects.

Throughout the goodbyes, we see team cockroach ageing. Remember that they choose their age. And finally, the team say goodbye to their oldest friends. Jason to Pillboy; Tahani to her sister; Chidi to Uzo; and Eleanor to Patty and her daughter.

But we go back and see Eleanor and Chidi’s life in the real Good Place. They grew old together, they have kids, grandkids. When they read them stories, we see a page in the picture book: it’s a picture of Chidi, Eleanor, Jason, Tahani, Janet and Michael.

We see Eleanor go through different phases: selling shrimp for example. But in the end, she teaches philosophy to those who want to along with Chidi.

Janet teaches Jason actual meditation, and we see him try to program what appears to be a video game where you blow stuff up with Molotov cocktails.

Eleanor teaches Tahani welding. She meets a guy welding. They become fast friends. Everyone claps when she shows team cockroach her welding skills, and the man turns to face us. The man? Albert Einstein.

And then everyone meets up at the door to the end: Tahani, Jason, Eleanor, Chidi, Michael and Janet. End of montage. And everyone can speak again.

Tahani is the first to enter the door. She hugs her friends for the last time.

Janet tells Jason she doesn’t know what will happen, and it scares her, but she’ll go through with Jason. And they do. And Jason yells “Portals!”

Before anything else, Shawn comes running. He asks Michael if he wants to end it along with the humans. Michael says someone needs to run the neighbourhood. Shawn offers to do so. Michael asks Shawn why. And Shawn tells him: Michael is his best friend. And he can still torture people through the green doors. Michael hugs Shawn, much to Shawn’s disdain. But he doesn’t resist, and eventually hugs back. Michael looks and Chidi and Eleanor, as if asking their permission to leave first. They both nod, and Michael enters the door. Shawn leaves without saying another word.

Eleanor kisses Chidi. Then she holds his hand. They face the door to the end together.

Eleanor: “Whenever you’re ready.”

Chidi looks at Eleanor and smiles. Eleanor looks at Chidi and smiles. They enter the door together, hand in hand.

Sad music now. As we see people from the bad place throw a funeral for Team Cockroach. Vicky, Shawn, Glenn, Gen the Judge. The episode ends as Gen lights a Viking-style boat on fire and sends it down an ocean in the good place, not knowing where it will end up, much like a certain door.”

The episode’s final line has to be “Whenever you’re ready” though. It just has to. Even in my alternate ending, this is the last line. (The alternate ending will be a separate chapter in this)

Honestly, this is the better ending, but the alternate idea I have is so stupidly meta, I just really want to post it. So assuming you didn’t hate this, you’ve got that to look forward to.