On occasion of his successful, record-breaking purchase of the Los Angeles Clippers franchise, Bloomberg Businessweek elected to put Steve Ballmer on its cover. But not just any Steve Ballmer. A Steve Ballmer in uniform, in the triple-threat position and yet somehow moving at the speed of light. Take a look.

The physics of this thing are just incredible. Based on how he's holding the ball and the fact that his legs would appear not to be in motion, he's not running or anything. But those obvious speed blur lines! Perhaps he's just on a very fast people mover? That'd be a terrifically fun surface to play basketball on.

Or they used creative license to put the whole thing together, which means they might have just pasted Ballmer's head onto someone else's body. My money is on Chris Kaman. Someone needs to get the model some Under Armour, though. A Hanes white t-shirt under the jersey? Scotty Thurman and no one else approves.

Here it is as a horrying GIF, too.

Unfortunately, the mag ruined the fun by actually explaining how they made the cover. I am so very disappointed to learn that a trampoline was on the table but not used.

By the by, the story is really interesting. Who knew Ballmer was so close to buying the Milwaukee Bucks?