Hey all, Tom here again. I just wanted to say, for the last post we’ve had over 1500 unique views so far. I don’t know what the deal is, but I’m hoping it keeps up! Also, if you have any questions, comments, corrections, or just want to talk about comics, feel free to like our fan page on Facebook by searching for This Old Comic. You can also get in touch with me at thisoldcomic@gmail.com. I’m really glad people are enjoying this stuff, and I’d like to hear from folks who are reading as well!

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about Action 312. This story is the conclusion of the King Superman story arc that started in the last issue (Action 311) This time, the story is called King Superman versus Clark Kent, Metallo! It was written by Robert Bernstein, with pencils by Curt Swan and inked by George Klein. Publication date for this issue was May 1964.

Let’s look at the cover for this thing first. This cover is honestly kind of shocking. It features Clark Kent, complete with a Metallo body and chunk of Green Kryptonite attempting to assassinate King Superman on his own throne whilst wearing that sweet, sweet Pope hat he got for himself last issue. Remember, this is an era where what appears on the cover is going to happen somewhere in the book, or at least something similar will happen.

So there’s that to look forward to!

The introductory panel also gives little hints as to something that will happen in the story. This time, the first page has a panel of Superman carrying a small boat called Perry’s Pleasure. The boat contains Perry White, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and uh… some other guy? Seriously… who is that? A Young Bibbo Bibowski? (MMMM… Soder!) Perhaps it’s that Bronco Bill fella, trying to creep on Supergirl through her cousin? (Creeeeepy!) Or Maybe Curt Swan just put himself in the book. He did that from time to time. Either way, this guy looks like a brown haired Jimmy sans freckles.

So like every other nameless background character without any dialogue during this period.

Superman has also declared that he’s no longer the Man of Steel, but the Sultan of Steel. Maybe it’s just me reading too much into this, and Bernstein was just going for some alliteration, but it seems to me that invoking an Islamic term like Sultan would have illustrated to readers at the time, who were, demographically speaking, mostly a bunch of white kids and teens just how ‘evil’ Superman had become. But that’s just speculation on my part.

Potential 1960s Islamophobia everyone.

The story actually starts off in earnest with Perry letting the Planet Staff know that King Superman is making a decree. They turn on the television and find that the decree is a No-Fly zone over his palace. “Nobody but NOBODY may approach my stronghold” (Meah, see!)



Perry declares him a power hungry madman and as Lois asks what they can do about it, Perry mentions that Clark came to him just that morning and suggested an ANti-Superman “Underground”! Lois doesn’t seem surprised by this, given that she was there at the meeting! Seems like Perry may be hitting the bottle again.

If only Cat Grant were here too! Then it’d be a party.

At any rate, Perry has offered up his boat as their meeting spot. They’ll leave the planet in pairs so as not to arouse suspicion. Clark and Jimmy leave together and quickly run into two ‘gentlemen’ who appear to be Dick Tracy villians. It was a common thing in comics at this time to draw people who were doing nasty things in a nasty way, and these two are no exception. The one in the foreground looks like your friends jerk of a grandpa, and the fella with him looks like fat Hank Hill. They’re basically just harassing Clark and Jimmy for having been friends with that ‘Super-Rat’. Nevermind that they’re on their way to a meeting on how to overthrow him.

Jimmy though, seems confused by all this. As they approach his fan club… wait… what?

Yeah, Jimmy apparently has a fan club. At first I thought it was a Superman fan club that Jimmy was like, the President of or something, but there was a sign. A sign that says Jimmy Olsen Fan Club. This kid seriously has his own fan club!

I hate you silver age Jimmy Olsen… seriously.

At least he had his own fan club. A hoard of his former fans are out front burning all his stuff because it has Superman on it. I’d like to point out here, that a Super Powered despot like Sultan/King/Pope Superman would not stand for the burning of his image, and these kids would likely be Super-Laser-Eyed into Oblivion like a bald man calling down bears, and yet nothing.

Just Jimmy being ridiculously understanding about Superman becoming a tyrant and a bow tie wearing walking bowl cut insulting him.

Clark then reminisces about how it all came to this and basically recaps the last issue. Complete with the scene where he gets high as balls on some of that sweet sweet Heisenberg nose candy – er… Red Kryptonite fumes.

Following the recap of how all this happened, Clark reflects on how “Every flag, even our own blessed (Clark is Methodist after all) Stars and Stripes, was replaced with his egotistical symbol!” and then drags Jimmy off to the meeting on Perry’s Planet.

Now I count a total of four people on the boat, so Phantom Guy at the beginning isn’t there now. I’m gonna call it that it was Booster Gold the whole time. I love Booster Gold so much.

Suddenly, as the boat is sailing towards a deserted cove, Sultan/King/Pope Superman arrives, picks up the boat, and flies it to a sand bar where he leaves it beached as a warning to his ‘best friends’ not to mess with him. He’s the King! Or whatever. I can’t tell who says it, but we get an excellent use of the “Great Caesar’s Ghost!” here as well.

After the tide raises the boat and they all get back, Clark returns to his apartment where he stores a triad of Superman Robots… apparently. Because having three lifelike copies of yourself in your downtown apartment is completely normal in 1964 or something.

Taking one of the suits off the robot in case he needs it, he sends the three to fight the Despot of Steel. Now honestly, at this point, I was all “Okay, I see where he’s going. He’s gonna implant some Green K inside the robots! It’ll be like the front cover, and we’ll get a resolution somehow!”

I was wrong. Such a very, very, there’s mermaids in this story yet, level of wrong.

Superman destroys the robots in short order and brings their severed heads (seriously… the CCA sticker is on the cover here. Severed heads CCA? Do your jobs) back to Clark Kent. Superman repeatedly insults Clark and makes the Mild-Mannered milquetoast wish he had a hunk of Kryptonite. Then suddenly, BRAINWAVE! Although Superman has all the Green Kryptonite (the government apparently doesn’t have) Supergirl, Linda Danvers, might have some lying around her basement!

Because I know I keep a leaking tank of chlorine in my basement right next to the weapons grade uranium I leave lying around on tables.

Clark makes his way to Midvale and breaks into the Danvers house since the family is apparently on vacation. How do we know they’re on vacation? Because a patrol car outside has noticed Clark prowling around the Danvers place with a flashlight! Them Midvale Police Department is apparently a trigger happy bunch, because they tell Clark to come out with his hands up or they’ll just open fire.

On a house.

With Service Revolvers.

Seriously, they’re going to shoot at the house with all twelve of their shots. I think Clark could probably get out of this okay. Instead, he puts on the Superman suit he jacked from his robot and steps outside. The cops are absolutely stunned to see Superman, who claims he spotted a prowler and wanted to help. Not really believing him, the cops decide to test his identity. Do they ask for ID? Some sort of Super feat? Do they ask to try and cut his hair? Do they ask him to pick up their car? No… what do they do?

THEY SHOOT HIM IN THE STOMACH

Clark simply takes the hit. He basically just grins and bears it, apparently well enough to convince the cops he’s actually Superman. Now I’ve never been shot, but I don’t think I could just stand there, hand covering my bullet wound and smile as the police move out. I tend to think I would be more like Clark in the next couple panels where he’s stumbling through the city and finally passes out and falls off a bridge into the Midvale River.

When he wakes up, he’s in an Atlantean Hospital with his half-fish sometimes girlfriend Lori Lemaris! This is the Pre-Crisis version of the character Clark would actually try and propose marriage to in like, 1987 or something. She’s kind of a big deal. She is also apparently friends with the freshwater mermaids, as some of her comrades found him in the River and brought him to Atlantis, which is decidedly not at the bottom of Midvale River.

Lori tells Clark he’s dying, and that nothing can be done, then pleads with him to think of a way to save his life. Clark then has the best idea ever. He recaps the origin of Metallo from Action Comics #252 in which John Corben has his brain transplanted into a robot body powered by Kryptonite. Surely with all of Atlantis’ technology and their massive stockpile of Green Kryptonite, they can do something similar!

While Lori is hesitant about this, Clark convinces her and the Doctors to go through with the Operation. When we next see Clark, he’s no longer just Clark Kent, but Clark Kent: Metallo! Using a fake suicide vest, he talks his way into The Tyrant of Tomorrow’s throne room and threatens to blow the place up, taking both he and King Superman down at the same time. Cowed, Superman agrees to talk, which is really just a ploy for Clark/Metallo to open up his chest plate and begin his assassination of King Superman!

Superman reminds Clark that if one of them dies, the other must as well! Clark/Metallo states that Assassinating the Tyrant Kryptonian is worth the price just before Superman claims he’s making a terrible mistake!

You see, Superman has been good the whole time and just faking being evil! Since Red K never affects him the same way twice it made two good entities this time! The reason Supes has been faking it is because he heard an alien broadcast in the second he was split stating that the Red K asteroid was no asteroid, but a weapon that would Ice the Ocean, Destroy the fake New York with an earthquake, and destroy a mountain like it was a nuclear explosion! Superman staged that he had done all these things so the people of Earth would not panic! He even informed the world leaders that he was doing such things while having time for a side trip to the home planet of the weapon where he discovered a dead world, destroyed by war. The weapon is just on automatic.

But, here they are, Clark about to kill Superman and now it’s too late to stop the weapon unless Clark shuts off the Kryptonite.

So Clark does.

Seriously, Clark buys it. I have no idea why, but even after all Superman has done Clark buys it. At that moment, the effects of the Red Kryptonite end, and Clark Kent/Metallo’s fleshy bits rejoin Superman and the robot body falls away, leaving one intact, good guy Superman with just enough time to save the world!

Superman goes to the UN, tells the real story, and is shown in the final panel lovin his ladies. Lois, and I guess that’s Lana are all over him. It’s just a shame Clark’s not here too! Superman says he’ll fill him in personally, and that he gives Clark a lot of credit since it “takes a man of REAL METAL to face the Man of Steel!”

Lulz are had and all is right with the world.

Join us next time for another story in which Supergirl’s Horse shows off his power of being Super Creepy!