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Scientists have been trying to figure out how to make safer gelatin for a while now. One day, one of them realized that there is in fact one animal whose remains work just fine with human immunology and genetic structure.

That animal? Humans.

The Urban Shogun

It's probably a good thing that their slogan isn't "It's alive!" anymore.

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Yes, they've developed a technique to make gelatin by injecting human genes into yeast strains, and if "specific, controlled ways" (as illustrated on page 237 of the Necronomicon, presumably) are followed, it's actually said to be healthier than ye olde pig jelly. They have also already figured out ways to make the process commercially viable, so we may well be seeing human gelatin in supermarkets pretty soon, hiding behind a bullshit E-codename.

Naturally, the biggest concern here -- besides the obvious ohgodwhyaaaargh! -- is whether human Jell-O counts as cannibalism. Granted, nobody's actually chewing an arm off a dude, but there's still an ick factor in the knowledge that it's human extract we're eating ...

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... wait a second. We already eat trace amounts of hair and dead skin in pretty much all of our meals, don't we? Holy shit, does that count as cannibalism, too?

Getty

Let's, uh, let's not play this game anymore.

When XJ is not protecting the world from devastation or uniting all peoples within the nation, he writes fantasy and talks about it at xjselman.wordpress.com. Sadly, all this work doesn't leave much time for blogging, but he'd still appreciate your views. You can also follow him here.

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