So here’s a weird something: this breakfast was the first meal I have cooked to order for myself in months. The last thing I prepared and ate while it was still hot was Bok Choy and Peanut Sauce and that doesn’t even count because I was drunk. So drunk. Otherwise I eat a lot of salads, an incredible amount of take out (Mint.com tells me Seamless has $226 of my money already in 2014 – I say Seamless has my heart), pb+j on crackers and yogurt. Because lazy. But the downside of eating all that other stuff, other than acknowledging that I’m not a real grown up, is that it’s putting me face to face (I arrange everything I eat into smiley faces) with way more carbs than I’m used to. This girl is craving protein so hard that I’m too distracted to fix sentences that end with prepositions. Of.

Enter a Spinach and Mushroom Tofu Scramble. With a side of Tofu Home Fries. Just to prove a point/use an entire carton of tofu instead of saving a bit, letting it get slimy in the innermost depths of my fridge, and finding it weeks later and crying.

So much (26g!) protein is in this breakfast! So little (294!) calories! So much taste! So much GET ME MORE OF THOSE FUCKING HOME FRIES.

No but seriously folks, these faux home fries are off the chain. And I haven’t used that phrase since the early aughts (that is, however, the second time I’ve used the term “early aughts” over the last 24 hours) so you know its also probably 2 Legit 2 Quit.

(Hey, hey.)

(I’m so sorry.)

SPINACH & MUSHROOM TOFU SCRAMBLE + TOFU HOME FRIES

serves 2



ingredients:

15oz or so container of extra firm tofu, dried as well as you can

¼ of a red bell pepper, chopped a little larger than diced, divided

a smallish shallot, diced OR about ¼ of an onion cut into chunks

2 teaspoons steak seasoning, divided

2 tablespoons nutritional yeast

½ teaspoon turmeric

½ teaspoon of salt + more to taste

½ teaspoon of onion powder

½ teaspoon of garlic powder

dash of paprika

1 clove of garlic, minced

¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes

3 to 4 baby bella mushrooms, sliced

50g (a couple big handfuls) or so of spinach, chopped or ripped

a teaspoon of vegan butter (I have no idea why I added this but…I did.)

various toppings: avocado, diced tomatoes, salsa

get your eat face on, then arrange your food in said face – mind fuck, amiright??

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Set aside.

Cut your tofu block in half. Cube one half of the tofu and put it in a bowl. Toss with 1½ teaspoons of steak seasoning. Place on the baking sheet and throw them in the oven for 20-25 minutes.

With the other half of the tofu, make your scrambled egg-like crumbles. Hands work best here. Don’t crumble it too small – they’ll break up a bit more as you cook them. Toss in a bowl with the turmeric and the nutritional yeast. Set aside.

Heat a pan over medium heat and spray a bit of cooking spray in there. Toss in the shallots and maybe ¾ of the bell pepper in there. Add in the rest of the steak seasoning. Cook until the shallots or onions are translucent (onions take longer than shallots – if you use shallots, keep moving them to prevent burning) and the peppers are softened. Remove from heat and transfer to a bowl.

If you have multiple pans, congrats, you made it. Grab another one and heat it over medium heat again with some cooking spray. Toss the minced garlic and red pepper flakes in there. Cook for 30 seconds or so. Add the mushrooms and let everything cook a bit in the mushroom juices. Add the remaining red peppers. Cook a bit more. Add in the spinach. Once the spinach has wilted and become reasonable, add in the crumbled tofu mixture. Add the onion powder, garlic powder, paprika, and some salt. Keep cooking and stirring things until everything is hot and you are bothered because you are hungry. Remove from heat.

When the oven tofu cubes are done, toss them with your sautéed onions or shallots and peppers. Split everything in half. Put it on a plate. Top it with some stuff. Eat eat eat.

NUTRITION: 294 calories // 13g carbs // 15g fat // 26g protein // 5g fiber // 1g sugar

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