Starting in September, Texas will allow you to open-carry swords. The state already allows you to carry around blades shorter than 5.5 inches, but this fall that restriction will be lifted and Texans can get their saber on.

I think that’s great. Seriously. I am totally cool with the right to bear swords. It’s an originalist interpretation of the Second Amendment. A sword is way closer to an 18th-century musket than any of the sub-assault-pocket-Uzis turning our country into a shooting gallery today. If you could get people to turn in their guns to receive a personally crafted sword, I’d vote to melt down the Intrepid for steel and enslave Hitori Hanzo to do the work.

Guns kill innocent bystanders. The only innocent bystander ever to be killed by a sword was Polonius, and Hamlet felt super bad after that happened. Guns kill indiscriminately. Swords kill their intended target. If we accept that in an free society, some killing must be done in the fight for scarce resources, swords are tactical weapons while guns are weapons of mass destruction.

And while we’re here, let’s remember that a sub-5.5 inch knife is probably way more deadly than a freaking broadsword. Christ. An enemy will make you look like a bloody sprinkler system in the time it takes for you to unsheathe your katana. You’re not a damn Jedi. If Texas is already allowing knives (and guns!), then nobody is made less safe by toting around a sword. Once the F-150 comes out with stab-proof seating, nothing will even be significantly damaged by these things.

I don’t know that you can ever go back again. I don’t know that you can ever get rid of all the guns lurking in our country. But our country made a wrong turn when we broadly interpreted “arms” to include “rapid-fire hand-held artillery units,” as opposed to something limited to personal stabbing weapons and slow reload rifles.

Hannibal didn’t need guns. Batman doesn’t need guns. Guns are for cowards. If you want to defend your people, you should be limited to the ax aisle at Walmart.

New Texas Law To Allow Open Carry Of Swords, Machetes [CBS Dallas-Fort Worth]

Elie Mystal is an editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.