Everyone planning to vote Tory now that Michael Gove is back

Theresa May has enjoyed a huge popularity surge after welcoming back one of the most loved politicians of recent times.

The prime minister has performed what some described as a ‘political masterstroke’ by recalling Gove, who had been filling in time doing temporary work on local building sites.

Following Gove’s shock appointment as Environment Secretary, an IPSOS-Mori poll put the Conservatives a whopping 50 points ahead of Labour, with Gove’s likeability cited by voters as more important than their children’s education.

Gove’s former boss, Site Foreman, Simon Williams, said, “The construction industry’s loss is the country’s gain. We’ll be sorry to see him go. Good luck Michael. Adieu my friend.

Former headteacher, Sarah Peacock, who is now on anti-depressants, said, “The climate of bullying, intimidation and fear that Michael Gove created when he was Education Secretary was worth it in the long run.

“The calibre of the pupils now being churned out by his so-called academies is a vindication of his tough, no-nonsense approach to listening. What a guy.”

Lifelong socialist and Corbyn fan, Mary Dowling, added, “Just seeing his face on television again was enough to make me realise what I’ve been missing and see the hollowness of social justice for what it is.

“It’s time to put away childish things and embrace the one I love.

“Pass me a tissue will you?”

“I voted Tory for a kinder, fairer society for all,” said no-one, ever