HARRISBURG, PA—Admitting separately that they couldn’t wait to get the ordeal over with, local sixth-grader Ethan Metcalfe and his grandfather Gerald Sonenberg expressed an equal level of dread to reporters Tuesday regarding their upcoming collaboration on Metcalfe’s middle school family tree project. “Boy, I really don’t want to do this—I always feel so uncomfortable whenever I’m around him,” said Metcalfe, echoing the exact statements of his grandfather, who like the 11-year-old has spent the past two weeks racking his brain for any excuse to avoid the drawn-out question-and-answer session. “There’s really no getting around it, though. I guess I’ll just try to sit down and plow through it as quickly as possible.” At press time, sources confirmed that Metcalfe could be seen writing down his grandfather’s short, one-word answers to each question before immediately moving on to the next one.

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