I want to be the first black astronaut. Or as I will call myself, the Choconaut. Just imagine, the earthy tones of my caramel skin floating in that all white spacesuit, staring down at the Earf, looking out for you and yours. My NASA umbilical chord, pumping my big-ass black lungs with the freshest of oxygen to combat my big-ass black asthma. My 45 inch fudgey dong-snake pressing against the inside of the spacesuit, screaming to get out, suffocating like child in a car with the windows rolled up during the throes of an Alabama summer. “Mama! Mama! Please!” it cries on the edge of consciousness with it’s bare skin stuck to the molten car seat as tears and snot and sweat amalgamate into noxious brew, all while I, the world’s first choca-teer, stands atop the moon like only two men before me.

But my boys can’t catch me playing some pussy-baby game like golf up there on the moon like those vanilla muhfuckas in the 60’s. We gon’ have to have a hoop set-up or something. Just let me know, so I can clean my Jordan’s. With that low ass gravity, I’ll be doing dunks from half court like a black Aaron Carter. I’m gonna be the Tiger Woods of space travel, except if that cunt had tried to take half of MY Jupiter dollars just for gettin’ my slip-slip-quirt on with’ a few extra-terrestrial porn stars, I’d of hired someone to kill that bitch along time ago. Nahmean?

And if I do meet some extraterrestrial lifeforms, I’ma be ready to make some new best budz-4-EVER. And if it’s a space lady alien and she’s got 3+ bubbies/yum-yums, don’t expect me back at Earf for a while. I’ll be too busy giving that space ass some Ezra-Pounding. And you best believe if they’ve got squidfaces, I’m going to beat the shit out of those motherfuckers. Big Willy Style. Steal one of their spaceships, fly into the heart of mothership with my Jewish scientist partner, and drop the Dookiebomb. I don’t play with squidfaces.

A black man in the blackest place in the universe looking for black holes and junk. Sheeeeeeit. Sign me up. First. Black. Astronaut. Point blank and period. Smashin’ all types of female alien redbones, while fuckin’ up squidfaces and smokin’ on some intergalactic hash and titties. I could get used to this.