WINOOSKI – Vermonters join today with millions of other Americans in celebrating the lives and sacrifices of all those who died, fighting for freedoms that we are no longer interested in. Festivities this year will try to strike a balance between thanking the fallen heroes, and remembering that we no longer care about most of what they fought for.

“I think people get it,” said Winooski mayor Kristine Lott. “We love them for the fight, but we have different morals as a nation now. Women don’t want freedom over their bodies, people are fine with having forced naked pictures of them taken at the airport, and I.C.E. is going around harassing anyone who doesn’t display the proper papers. It’s a different world we are working towards than maybe it was in the past, but we can still thank these brave men and women for their service, even as we reevaluate their ideals.”

Recent survey data shows that most U.S. residents feel that, while their own freedoms should be respected, they are very happy with less national freedoms for everyone else. “I love freedom!” shouted one man standing on the sidelines of a Memorial Day parade. “The government better not be trying to take any of my freedoms!’ The man later admitted to supporting indefinite detention for terrorism suspects with no convictions, government monitoring of private citizens suspected of terrorism with no proof, and warrentless searches for the same. “I mean, I ain’t no terrorist, so it ain’t gonna affect me!”

Other freedoms that we are happily eroding include general privacy, civil liberties, and most of the pursuit of happiness.