I'm 42 and have a wife and two kids and I think i'm losing it to be honest. I'm having huge panic attacks and periods of despair and the crazy scarey dreams at night. I feel I can no longer trust anyone and i'm feeling more and more alone. Its getting bad enough now to affect my marriage and I love my wife so much I don't want to lose her or my kids.



I have always had restless nights as far back as I can remember but its gotten so much worse in the last 5 years, since the birth of our first child. My brain just won't shut down at night and lately I have begun to feel scared when I go to bed. Its completely irrational I know. I'm 42 for petes sake. The dreams are really bizarre because i'm actually dreaming that i'm still in my bed. They are almost always the same. I dream that my eyes open and i'm on my back. Then a pressure starts in my forehead. It starts off mild but becomes unbearable to the point I want to scream but I can't open my mouth. Then I get a huge feeling of dread, like the world will end. I get visions of a nuclear bomb going off and I see my family dying, its horrific and hugely upsetting. When the bomb vision goes I get this overwhelming sulphury stench fill my nose. Its thick and heavy and I want to gag. Then my vision goes foggy or milky and the feeling of fear is unbearable. The room goes berserk with movement but I can't see what it is, its like i'm stood in a river or something with motion all around me. I'm just aware of ultra fast movement. I try and try to move, to get the hell out of the room but i'm stuck lying there. I can move my eyes but no matter how hard I try to look I am unable to see anything apart from the foggy view of our room. The pressure in my forehead is really quite bad at this point. Then it just stops. I wake up and its morning. Sometimes I wake up and have signs of a nosebleed and sometimes I seem to secrete some kind of jelly in my mouth that tastes like copper, like a coin. When the dreams occur I am completely wiped out and a wreck for the next few days. But the fear is not going now. I just feel scared shitless most of the week and its eating me up. I am snappy with the kids and am getting huge mood swings.



I went to see my doc and she thinks I am just having a mid life thing. She has suggested a change of diet and some herbal sleeping pills as the first step. I have become really judgemental of people, family and workmates. It feels like people are deliberately trying to make things difficult for me in all aspects of life. I know its irrational, I really do. I am beginning to feel more and more alone and its pathetic. I have waves of despair and I have begun to actually get very weepy like a child. I have no idea what to do. I am ashamed of what I have become. I no longer feel like a man. Everything is breaking down bit by bit.



I'm not sure how much more I can take of this shit to be honest. I have been staying awake now through the night and my concentration at work, or lack of, has been picked up by my boss.



I don't know what else to say. I just want help.