THE Conservative Party is continuing to pretend Brexit has not left it completely and utterly fucked.

As Conservative MPs accused each other of being insane and/or lying bastards, party insiders insisted everything was fine.

A source said: “Regardless of the outcome everyone will be friends again. That’s the way we do things in the Conservative Party.

“We’re not some band of ruthless maniacs who delight in the utter destruction of our close colleagues.”

Another senior source added: “There will be no murderous grudges or ruining of careers. There will be no civil war that will ultimately tear the party into tiny little pieces.

“It’s all going to be fantastic forever.”