Hadiya

political

religious

Prince Harry

Queen Elizabeth

Global Economic Summit

Hyderabad

Miss World Manushi Chillar

Without going into the legalities and intricacies of the case, it must be said in defence ofthat it takes enormous courage to take on the mighty and opt for love. No, not just love, but the right to choose. The right over your mind, body and heart. The right to live your life on your own terms. Hadiya has done it. Her brave act cannot be ignored.No matter what theandarguments are in this tricky case, what cannot be disputed is the pathetic manner in which a young woman was treated, like a mindless object while clumsy attempts were made to play ‘passing the pillow’ with her. It was as if Hadiya was not a living, breathing human being, but an abstraction. Not a flesh-andblood woman capable of deciding her own destiny, but a threat to society. Hadiya is exceptionally lucky. For one, she is alive. For another, she is with the man she loves. How many Hadiyas in India succeed in their battles?On my frequent travels across India, I meet many heartbroken Hadiyas. They have been vanquished and crushed before their young lives could take off and bloom. There are Hadiyas at every level of society. I know educated, capable, accomplished women who have been prevented from taking important decisions by family members who ‘know better’. These women are told: “We have more experience in life. This relationship is doomed. You will be miserable. The marriage will end within two years. By then you may have a child. What then?” I want to tell these short-sighted parents that the ‘what then’ syndrome applies equally to the best strategised marriage alliances.Any marriage is as strong or as vulnerable as the partners make it. There are zero guarantees. Interreligious marriages pose greater challenges, of course. But who says more conventionally perfect shaadis don’t collapse?Look at what’s happening in Britain after the announcement of’s engagement to Meghan Markle last week. On the face of it, the odds of this high-profile, but unlikely couple finding love were pretty high. Meghan is an American television star (‘Suits’), four years older than Harry and of mixed-race parentage. He was for long ‘the most eligible bachelor on earth’, according to celebrity polls. As we say in India, “He could have got anyone!” Sure. But he found Meghan. And she found him. That’s it. Soon, she will be an inseparable part of British royalty.My only reservation in this wonderful match is the new set of rules Meghan will have to adhere to. Rules that seem non-negotiable and rigid. She will no longer work as an actor (I am sure she loves her job) and she will be strenuously groomed to fit in and conform. Perhaps I am being foolishly idealistic, but what if Prince Harry had told his grandmother,, and other royals that the woman he fell in love with was a popular international star with a huge fan following. What if he had said he didn’t want her to change any aspect of her life? That would have been bold and path breaking. And women around the world would have admired Harry much more for supporting his brideto-be.Isn’t that the big issue in modern marriages these days? Working women are expected to instantly abandon their vocations and ‘pay more attention’ to domestic duties. Working women in transferable jobs have it tougher still. They are the ones who have to relocate if their husbands get transferred. Or quit and find fresh employment.When I attended the just concludedinand spoke at the ‘Un-Gendered’ Dialogues, which featured fascinating women from across the world, I was struck by the similarities in most narratives. Most of these highly successful women speakers had to give up something of value in their personal spaces in order to achieve their professional goals. This is terribly unfair in today’s times in which a woman’s financial contribution to the family kitty is vital and worthy of acknowledgment across social barriers.Prince Harry and Hadiya are but two faces of a coin. Hadiya has demonstrated her will and desire to lead her life based on her own beliefs. Meghan, one reads, is to be baptised soon, which is also her own decision. Maybe walking away from ‘Suits’ is again her personal call, but had Harry lent his voice to support the rights of women to pursue their dreams, minus pressure from family or society at large, he would have been up there as a global champion.This week has been pretty extraordinary for women. The gorgeoushas been hailed by the Prime Minister as a ‘beti’ who has brought glory to her family and the country. It is a strong pro-beti message, which has gone down very well. Not every ‘beti’ is a beauty queen. Even so, every single beti deserves a crown of her own. Here’s hoping 2018 will be declared the Year of the Beti, with enough real support from the government to allow the Hadiyas and Manushis an equal opportunity to fulfil their goals.