mummy bloopers

Almost every child thinks of their mothers as superheroes. They may not be saving people from burning buildings or fighting crime in the streets, but they are the bastion of sound counsel, the gatekeepers of wisdom and a sage. They seem like these perfect beings who can multitask, sense danger, do anything to protect their young. While we think of them as the infallibles, they are after all just humans. Also, despite the best of intentions, all parents fail sometimes. Kids get squirmy, disasters occur, parents forget stuff which tends to make a messy situation. But at the end of the day, nobody’s perfect and all these moments tend to make really funny stories later on. In honour of Mother’s Day, this week You! talks to some women who share their interesting little mummy blooper. Read on...



Sorry, just dozed off...

They say motherly instincts take over as soon as you give birth, but the truth is that maybe it can take some time to getting used to. While giving birth is a beautiful phenomenon, it is at the same time an extremely exhausting process for a new mother to experience as well. Batool, is a mum of two young children who can vouch for that. “This happened when I gave birth to my first child, my daughter. I was staying over at my mother’s place for some time after being discharged from the hospital. So, on the first night at mum’s, I was fast asleep and my daughter was lying next to me her in her crib. In the middle of the night, I felt my mother aggressively trying to wake me up. When I finally woke up, I found out that my daughter was crying on the top of her lungs for the past 15 minutes, waking up the entire house, except for me. And, while I would like to say that only happened once or twice, it actually took me an entire month to get used to of this routine. If you are a new mummy, finding it hard adjusting to the haphazard sleep schedule, don’t worry. We’ve all been through it and you will, too!”

It’s raining money...

In a desi household, we are all too familiar with parents sneakily nicking their children’s cash. After all, what do babies and toddlers need so much money for, anyway? Saima, mother to her only daughter, confesses it has happened on more than one occasion. “I am guilty as charged when it comes to ‘borrowing’ one’s child’s cash for something or the other. It happens all the time but the most prominent incident I can recall is during my daughter’s aqeeqa. It was a big formal event for which many guests were invited. Some brought presents but the majority of them were giving cash to my daughter, which meant the money was given to the person holding the baby. So, between my husband and I, it became an inside joke to hold the baby for longer in order to collect the most cash. It was quite amusing how we would keep making excuses keep her to ourselves, especially when my mother-in-law or brother-in-law would want to hold her. It was fun and we made some good money.”

Dealing with crap...

While it can be a challenge to keep the kids on their best behaviour, sometimes their mess can actually work out to your own advantage. “I have three sons, all aged three years gap from each other. We went on a big family trip to northern Pakistan along with few immediate relatives. My youngest was almost three at the time but I would put him in a diaper during exceptional situations. For example, travelling by road with no bathroom breaks. Since the roads in the mountainous regions are tricky to drive on, we rented a pickup with two drivers. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law and I noticed later that these two drivers kept eyeballing the women in the vehicle. Furious, yet not wanting to cause a scene just yet, I wanted to teach them a lesson. We still had about two-hour long drive left when my youngest insisted (read: cried on top his lungs) to sit in the front with drivers, so I let him. My child pooped after 10 minutes and the passenger seat driver had to look away to avoid the stench and the one driving just focused on driving after that. They tried sending my son back, but he would only cry to stay in the front. I kept a keen eye on my son, of course, but didn’t ask for him until we reached our stop,” shares Mrs Sohail.

The not-so-perfect present...

When it comes to buying presents for little kids, it is pretty breezy to wow them. Especially, if the child is a superfan of something and/or has asked for a very specific thing. Your life gets easier since you know exactly what to get. However, if you don’t get that exact thing, you have to get very creative with your excuses. Shahnaz, mother of three, recalls such an incident, “For my son’s seventh birthday, I was supposed to get him a Super Man costume. He was obsessed with the character and had been wanting it for quite some time, so I promised to get him one. This slipped my mind and I remembered this on his actual birthday. I ended up doing last minute shopping and unfortunately didn’t find the costume. Instead, I bought the kit of the England cricket team. It was obviously completely different from the Super Man costume and I had to tell him that Super Man sometimes wears this outfit too. He wasn’t convinced at all. He was so sad during his birthday. To make it up to him, we took him out to his favourite park and bought him his favourite food. He is grown up now but he still remembers this incidence.”

Honey, I forgot my kid...

Most parents would identify with that moment of terror when they realise their child has wandered off somewhere in public. Keeping an eye on the brood can be a losing battle for parents, especially when there’s more than one unruly child to look after. Even though accidentally forgetting a child is a situation parents may be less willing to admit to but it happens anyway. “We were at one of the gold jewellery shops at Tariq road, I was with my nine-year-old twin daughters and my six-year-old son. Since my son was being a little naughty with his antics, I made him sit at chairs kept a little farther away. After we were done, my daughters and I got up and left the shop, completely forgetting my son. Anyone without kids or the ultra-organised parents might hard it find to accept someone could accidentally leave a child behind while out and about. But, keeping an eye on children along with valuables is quite difficult than you’d expect,” narrates Mrs Ahmed. “It was almost after half an hour that I realised my son wasn’t with us. My heart stopped in that instant and I retraced my steps looking for him. I probably looked for him in every nook and corner for an hour until I saw him at some food vendor. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. After this incident, ‘Home Alone’ has literally become a horror flick for me.”

As a mom, when you’re trying to just keep your head above water either by adjusting with a new life or handling a few little ones, it can be hard to feel anything like superhuman. So, don’t worry about being a superhero and avoiding bloopers at all times. At the end of the day, you’re human and we love you in every way. Happy Mother’s Day!