



★ ½ ☆ ☆ ☆





Rings – a resurrection of the killer VHS saga – came when the DCP from which the film was projected cut off, just for an instant. In that deathly still second, it was almost as if the jittery, unstable nature of the series’ cursed videotape had infected the cinema itself. But then sight and sound returned, and my sudden immersion was shattered by Vincent D’Onofiro’s blind priest bellowing so loudly that the scenery he’d been previously chewing flew from between his teeth and spattered the camera lens. The most immersive moment in– a resurrection of the killer VHS saga – came when the DCP from which the film was projected cut off, just for an instant. In that deathly still second, it was almost as if the jittery, unstable nature of the series’ cursed videotape had infected the cinema itself. But then sight and sound returned, and my sudden immersion was shattered by Vincent D’Onofiro’s blind priest bellowing so loudly that the scenery he’d been previously chewing flew from between his teeth and spattered the camera lens.





The Ring with several drunk friends who shouted “Non, Gaston!” when Martin Henderson’s character died (I have no idea why, either), and one of the two funny jokes in Scary Movie 3. Just Google ‘Scary Movie 3 nah I'm just screwing with ya’ and you’ll find the clip, and – by awful, unbelievable extension – spoil the ending of Rings for yourself. Besides the basic premise (you watch a weird videotape, you die seven days later), my experience with this franchise is limited to watching Gore Verbinski’swith several drunk friends who shouted “Non, Gaston!” when Martin Henderson’s character died (I have no idea why, either), and one of the two funny jokes in. Just Google ‘Scary Movie 3 nah I'm just screwing with ya’ and you’ll find the clip, and – by awful, unbelievable extension – spoil the ending offor yourself.





In this long-gestating instalment, attractive young couple Julia (Matilda Lutz) and Holt (Alex Roe) are drawn into the dark world of Samara’s curse by Gabriel (Johnny Galecki) and his obsession with the tape, which leads the two on a search for the ghostly girl’s resting place. After some initial and not entirely unexpected VHS fetishism, the original video goes digital…because apparently smartphones and e-mail are the ‘hip’ thing for horror now.





Rings following my fourth viewing of Rogue One (leave me alone), and D’Onofrio’s hammy madman is something of an amalgamation of characters from the preceding film: a sightless religious man blessed with near-supernatural powers also inherits Forest Whitaker’s prestige beard. The fact my brain even made this connection is probably an indication that I wasn’t that involved in the film, but, then again, none of the actors seemed to be, either. I suppose it’s hard to feign interest in playing the same old horror archetypes that wore out their welcome even before the first incarnation of the Ringu legend hit screens in 1998. I watchedfollowing my fourth viewing of(leave me alone), and D’Onofrio’s hammy madman is something of an amalgamation of characters from the preceding film: a sightless religious man blessed with near-supernatural powers also inherits Forest Whitaker’s prestige beard. The fact my brain even made this connection is probably an indication that I wasn’tinvolved in the film, but, then again, none of the actors seemed to be, either. I suppose it’s hard to feign interest in playing the same old horror archetypes that wore out their welcome even before the first incarnation of thelegend hit screens in 1998.





bears to previous episodes is stylistically; by which I mean it looks and sounds like a schlocky genre film from early 2000s. There’s a peppering of fairly smart editing, the lighting leans heavily on various shades of green and black, and there’s a piano and string score to lend a cinematic feel that most modern horrors would ditch. The closest resemblance thisbears to previous episodes is stylistically; by which I mean it looks and sounds like a schlocky genre film from early 2000s. There’s a peppering of fairly smart editing, the lighting leans heavily on various shades of green and black, and there’s a piano and string score to lend a cinematic feel that most modern horrors would ditch.





Don’t Breathe for two minutes. But the boring camerawork, shoddy attempts at tension building and frightening moments notable only by their absence are a chore to sit through. Plus (and I know this isn’t his fault), Roe’s likeness to the bargain basement baby of Dave Franco and Nicholas Hoult is immensely distracting. What a shame that more signifiers of the current found-footage era weren’t left by the wayside. I could maybe forgive the university students being played by people obviously in their late twenties, or the bit where it turns intofor two minutes. But the boring camerawork, shoddy attempts at tension building and frightening moments notable only by their absence are a chore to sit through. Plus (and I know this isn’t his fault), Roe’s likeness to the bargain basement baby of Dave Franco and Nicholas Hoult is immensely distracting.



