As The Donald Turns takes some time off to go to a political convention and we come back to Donald being ready to unleash the dogs of war, lie about the first 200 days of his administration, leak some classified information via Twitter and continue to re-litigate last year’s election. This edition is, ”Fire, Fury, and Truth.”

• So, the staff woke up today and the good news was we woke up. There was no nuclear Armageddon. The unhinged strongman with silly hair and a bad temper stayed calm overnight. Kim Jong Un settled down also. Don’t let the fact that we did not launch “Fire and Fury” on North Korea lull you into complacency. Donald did what all presidents do at perilous times. He went to Twitter:

@realDonaldTrump 3h3 hours ago

“My first order as President was to renovate and modernize our nuclear arsenal. It is now far stronger and more powerful than ever before….”

Well sure, except….well, no…..The truth is, it would be impossible to renovate the nation’s nuclear arsenal in six months. It just is not technologically possible. Secondly, he has had no funding legislation passed for overhauling the nuclear weapons systems. So, what he does not yet understand yet is just because he said it once, does not make it true. In 2015, President Obama did sign legislation that allowed for a $1 trillion modernization of the weapons over 30 years. You’re welcome Donald.

• How did we get here? Well North Korea has been a problem for decades and there has been no easy solution, despite Donald’s threats to blow the entire Korean Peninsula to Kingdom Come. For instance, we have to keep up with what is happening in the isolated North Korea by spying on them. Of course, we are not supposed to announce we are doing it:

Donald J. Trump Retweeted

@foxandfriends Aug 8

“ U.S. spy satellites detect North Korea moving anti-ship cruise missiles to patrol boat”

OOOOPS. The geniuses from the Three People on a Sofa Show run a story with classified information and then Donald retweets it, because that show is where he apparently gets his “intelligence” briefings.

The mensas on the morning show were so proud of their story they shared it with guest, UN Ambassador Nikki Haley, who was of course mortified that classified information had been leaked out. At least now Donald can rest easy, knowing we have found the truth about the leakers of critical information. It is Fox “News” and Donald’s own Twitter account.

• Speaking of Twitter, it is nice to see Donald freshened up his page. There is a new photo banner with a pretend meeting at FEMA headquarters. How do we know it is pretend? Because FEMA Director Brock Long is nowhere in the picture, but Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, who would likely not have any roll in FEMA emergency situations, is at the table right by Donald. Why go with the truth when you can stage the fake?

• Donald of course has spent plenty of time on Twitter for politics. Connecticut Senator Richard Blumenthal was on television this week.

That set off the alarms in Donald’s hair plugs. Every time Blumenthal is on TV, Donald tweets about the senator misleading voters a decade ago about his military service in Vietnam:

@realDonaldTrump Aug 7

“I think Senator Blumenthal should take a nice long vacation in Vietnam, where he lied about his service, so he can at least say he was there.”

Donald then described his service days in Vietnam. Well ok, no not really. He did explain how he faked a recurring foot injury to get five deferments. Well ok, no not really. But he has watched Apocalypse Now once or twice.

Donald also got in the weeds in the special election in Alabama for Jeff Sessions’ senate seat. There are nine Republicans running, including former Judge Roy Moore who said the Constitution did not apply to him when it came to putting a Ten Commandments statute in front of the government courthouse. But Donald is backing another candidate.

@realDonaldTrump 15h15 hours ago

“Senator Luther Strange has done a great job representing the people of the Great State of Alabama. He has my complete and total endorsement!”

That is great to hear. Right up to the point where it is prohibited for a sitting president to use formal White House written communications to endorse a candidate. That includes your Twitter account Donald since you use it for official statements. Furthermore, since you seem to Tweet a lot from the presidential lavatory, please make sure you are not using the one next to your office. Electioneering from the Oval Office is also illegal.

• Of course we circle back to what is really at the forefront of everyone’s mind….does Amazon sell nuclear fallout shelters and do I get free shipping if I have Amazon Prime? We would love to hear from National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster.

He is a skilled military veteran and one of the “alleged” adults in the room. We wonder what his take is on North Korea. Unfortunately, he is too busy being savaged by the allies of the president who hired him. He is being torn apart every day by Breitbart opinion pieces which are clearly headed by Trump adviser Steve Bannon. We wonder if Donald pops popcorn and grabs some red vines, (also available via Amazon Prime), as he watches the circus he has created by hiring people and then letting them slug it out for the jobs he gave them. Truth be told, it is a bizarre way to govern.

• To whom do we look then, for guidance and assurances in these frightening times? Why not pastor Robert Jeffress. A man of the pulpit, a student of the Holy Book should be a voice of truth and comfort here.

Jeffress, who is a regular counselor to Donald said this week, “In the case of North Korea, God has given Trump authority to take out Kim Jong Un.” Well that didn’t make me feel any better. Jeffress says the biblical passage Romans 13 gives the government authority to deal with evildoers. “That gives the government to the authority to do whatever, whether it’s assassination, capital punishment or evil punishment to quell the actions of evildoers like Kim Jong Un.” As if that was not troubling enough, Jeffress said others will quote Romans 12, which says, “Do not repay evil for evil,” but he says that that passage is referring to Christians, not to the government. Wow, am I confused because I think the Evangelical right sees Christianity and the government as one in the same.

This is all too troubling, so if you will excuse us, I need to check the status of my Amazon fallout shelter.