JoCoCruise 2017 homepage (https://jococruise.com/)

We’d been looking forward to this day for nearly a year. On Friday, March 3, we headed to Newark Liberty airport for our flight to San Diego, where we’d embark on the JoCo Cruise — which some have described as a 7-day floating Comic-con/music festival. Some of my and my new husband Connor’s favorite podcasters, musicians, authors, and artists would be there. We would have been excited even if this hadn’t also just so happened to be our honeymoon.

We got to the airport, checked in, and I rode the Segway to security and put it through the X-ray (TSA got the memo, apparently), took it to gate, and notified the gate agent we needed preboarding.

At gate call, we were first in line, but they said we had to wait while they “checked on something”. We waited while pre-boarding concluded, but then I told my husband to go ahead and board (we had first-class tickets — it was our honeymoon, remember — so he had boarding priority even without me), in order to save overhead room for the Segway with a bag.

I waited as they finished priority boarding and had proceeded through the next couple boarding groups, then the agent said I couldn’t carry it on, and I couldn’t gate check it, because it “wasn’t allowed”. I asked if they’d seen that notation in my itinerary. They said they had, and it indeed showed my prior call.

But they said it read: “passenger was advised he would NOT be allowed to board with device, and the device will not have to be checked, provided he can place device in overhead without crew assistance. Transferred passenger to TSA for clearance of device through security.” It seemed obvious that the “not” there was a typo — the rest of the annotation doesn’t make any sense otherwise! I tried to explain that logic to them, but they were unyielding.

So I called the Accessibility Desk and the rep reviewed the record and agreed, that was just a typo, I could carry it on. I handed my phone to the agent.

“We don’t allow hoverboards, they’re fire risks… We don’t even allow Samsung phones, we definitely won’t allow that.”

After speaking to the rep, the gate agent said a “manager” had to decide. We waited a bit—by this time, everyone in the gate area had boarded—then the manager came and said no. “We don’t allow hoverboards, they’re fire risks.”

I explained that it’s a Segway, not a hoverboard, it’s UL-certified for fire safety (with a hologram-seal certification on bottom stating this — I showed it to them), and one has never spontaneously combusted like those cheap hoverboards everyone was buying a couple years ago did. You could buy one on Amazon, even after they announced they wouldn’t sell hoverboards anymore.

The manager was unswayed. “We don’t even allow Samsung phones, we definitely won’t allow that.” (I did not point out that I hadn’t seen anyone asked to show their phone at the gate, and so how did he know there wasn’t a Samsung phone on board?)

I got my iPad out where I’d pre-loaded the regs from United’s own website and showed them the relevant passages: “no watt hour limit” for such sealed permanent batteries¹, “Segways” for mobility purposes were specifically mentioned along with wheelchairs, scooters, etc.

“TSA has no problem with it.” He conferred with the TSA manager, who repeated, “TSA will allow.”

The manager tried to make it TSA’s problem. “I don’t know why they let you through security, TSA doesn’t allow these.” So I asked for the duty manager TSA’s disability line told me to ask for. He shortly arrived and succinctly gave his judgment: “TSA has no problem with it.” The United manager scowled, and said the captain must decide.

My husband returned from the plane, saying there was space saved in the overhead for it. The captain came to the gate, I explained the situation and showed him the iPad, told him it’s our honeymoon and we had a cruise ship to catch, and he said “don’t worry, we’ll figure this out,” warmly — I thought he was on our side.

He conferred with the TSA manager, who repeated, “TSA will allow.” The captain returned to plane without speaking to us, and I think I’m all set, so we head to the jetway — and got stopped again.

At this point I got a phone notification from one of my travel apps (not United’s) — the flight’s now delayed 10 minutes (boarding began on-time). The reason given: “a passenger disturbance”. They’re just holding my husband and me there, and making preps to push off — with our luggage, including carry-ons, on the plane!

I’m then told that the captain has made the decision NOT to allow it, and has “final authority”. I ask what can I do — gate-check it? No, it’s not being allowed on the plane period, cabin or cargo. Can we book another flight while we argue our case? No — no flight will arrive in time for our ship departure.²

“What if I just left it right here,” in front of the gate — “will you let us board without it?”

No time to get the Segway home, or to get a friend to pick it up; no way to store it. Connor even tried without success to get an agent going off-duty to just take it to lost and found. Finally, as they’re about to close the doors (were they really going to push off with all our things onboard?), I pointed to it and said “what if I just left it right here,” in front of the gate — “will you let us board without it?”

The gate agent grumbles that we could’ve done that at the start without all this trouble, and then lets us board — me hobbling on my cane down the jetway. We take off, and my honeymoon starts with me sobbing for an hour, my husband consoling me. I felt humiliated, like all the passengers blamed me for the delay. (One passenger a few rows back was grousing loudly, “entitled idiot thinks he can bring a hoverboard onto an airplane”.) I assumed the Segway — a device that’s been essential to me for much of the last year I’ve had it — is lost.

I didn’t know how I’d get around onboard the ship and on excursions. Before I had the Segway, I’d have at least brought crutches on a trip like this, maybe a wheelchair if my symptoms were bad enough. Now I had nothing but a cane.

When we arrived in San Diego, we were able to rent a scooter for several hundred dollars (including a last-minute surcharge). Compared to the Segway — which is nimble, light, can go anywhere I can except stairs, and is stable and safe — this thing was miserable. It was clunky, heavy, and dangerous.