Meet George. He’s twenty, unemployed, lives at home, and spends his free time using a magic pool to spy on nude women while they are taking baths. If the movie were taking place in present times, George probably would have already called you something horrible in a comment section today. But somehow he is the hero of our story.

Standing in George’s way is the evil wizard Lodac, who intends to feed the Princess to his pet dragon. After confirming that she will not be nude when she is fed to the dragon, George decides to rescue her. Fortunately, he has an ace up his sleeve: the birthday presents that his mommy gave him. At this point we should acknowledge that George is not exactly Liam Neeson in Taken.

These presents include some magic armor, a magic horse, and yes, a magic sword. The armor filed a grievance against the producers when the movie title was announced, while the horse merely continued filling his dung sack. Along the way, Jack, er, Arthur, er, Jon Snow, er, GEORGE is helped by a band of merry knights, all of whom seem to be participating in a “who can do the worst accent” contest. (SPOILER: The Irish guy wins.) They also encounter an ogre, a hag, elves, and pretty much everything else that you can find on the “List of Fantasy Clichés” Wikipedia page.

Spells will be cast! Heroes will be born! Bones will be seized! Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and a horse that may or may not be magical, we don’t know since the title doesn’t address it, for The Magic Sword!