Today’s batch of burning questions, my smart-aleck answers and the real deal:

Question: Dear Funnyboy, please investigate the problematic business practices of Southern States on Riverside Drive, which have been plaguing me for weeks, possibly months. They put the joke pictured on their marquee ages ago and offer no punchline. What kind of maniac does that? Of course, the punchline is likely not even good, so this should really be right up your alley.

My answer: Am I detecting a wee bit of disrespect in this question? 'Cause "likely not even good" punchlines have carried me pretty far in life, Bub.

Real answer: Indeed, the Southern States sign is an enigma, wrapped in plastic, supported by a large pole.

The question posed on the north side of the sign is, "What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?"

A coworker immediately jumped to, "a bull-pooper," shall we say, which is funny but incorrect.

Haven't gotten it? Southern States equine specialist Megan Hill is here for you.

"Laughing stock," she said when I stopped by Jan. 24. "Doesn't it seem really obvious once you hear the answer?"

Neigh, Megan. Neigh.

See what I did there?

But yes, it does seem terribly obvious now, Megan. And I'm feeling really dumb, which fortunately is a familiar sensation for me.

No nefarious business practices are in play here, by the way.

More:Answer Man: Riverside Drive flooding issue? Why not build up the road?

"We had a thing running where the first person to get it right got a free hat," said Alex Allman, a Southern States cashier. "It's been up there since December, and we just haven't changed it."

They've had other similar pun challenges on the sign, including something along the lines of, "How do baby chickens dance?"

That'd be "Chick to chick," if it happens to come up in the rotation again and you need a free hat.

As far as the current unanswered riddle, it has been driving some nice store traffic.

"A lot of people come in and ask us about it," Hill said.

Allman said a couple of stumped joggers stopped by last week to inquire.

"We actually get a lot of customers coming in and asking about it," Allman said. "It's just something fun."

A few months back, they had another fun one up there: "In need of new vegetable jokes. Lettuce know."

Question: On Jan. 21, there was a fatal accident on Riverside Drive, near the intersection with Hill Street. A news story said search warrants indicated icy conditions contributed to the accident. This is the exact same area where water seems to surface constantly. If I recall, you answered a question about this awhile back. I sure hope the ice that night was not due to this constant “water leak." I drive Riverside pretty often, as I live in Woodfin, and this area still has water on the road nearly every time I drive by.

My answer: Not going to go for any humor here, folks, but I will note I had the same thought when I saw this story.

Real answer: I did indeed answer a question about this in December 2018, and at the time the Metropolitan Sewerage District of Buncombe County said they had checked the site and it was not sewer related.

The city of Asheville's Water Resources Department at the time said their workers had traced it "to a large private line."

"When Water Resources turns off the supply to that line the leak stops, so that is a good indicator," then-director David Melton said. "A Water Resources leak detection team is working with this customer to get it fixed."

The city declined to identify the owner of the private line then.

I checked in again with the city last week, and spokeswoman Polly McDaniel responded.

"As you correctly noted in your Dec. 7, 2018, column on this issue, the City’s Water Resources Department was, at that time, actively investigating whether the water in question was emanating from the city’s water distribution system," McDaniel said. "In the course of that investigation, the city was able to rule out the possibility that any of the city’s water infrastructure in the area was leaking."

"Water Resources then began assisting other property owners in the area, to investigate whether their private water lines might have leaks," McDaniel continued. "Over the course of approximately 12 months, the city deployed leak detection equipment and crews to this area, and identified at least one leak originating from a private water line. That leak was fixed by the owner of the water line."

The leak detection team finished their work in the area Dec. 6, 2019, "finding no other water line leaks," McDaniel said.

"Because water continues to accumulate in this area despite all known leaks having been fixed, it seems likely that the water is coming from a natural source," she said.

I also touched base with the Asheville office of the N.C. Department of Transportation, and an official said they'll investigate the situation this week.

Stay tuned.

This is the opinion of John Boyle. To submit a question, contact him at 232-5847 or jboyle@citizen-times.com