By Leo Babauta

We all long for genuine human connections, and even in a busy life with lots of people around us, these genuine connections can be hard to find.

We socialize online, but that’s not very genuine (why I quit Facebook). We work with people, but often that’s task-oriented and not human connection-oriented. We might have family and friends in our lives, but when we are busy or distracted by the online world, those connections might fade.

In the last year or two, I’ve made it a point to have fewer friendships, but with deeper connections … while also being open to the miracle of a random encounter with another human being. This philosophy has paid off in more genuine connections with my family and friends, but less busy-ness.

Today I’ll share a few reasons for creating genuine connections, and my strategies for creating them.

Why Genuine Connections Are Important

There are many reasons, but these are the ones that strike me as important:

We need it to be happy and fulfilled. All the money in the world, and the best job in the world, and all the material possessions in the world … won’t matter much if you’re alone and have no genuine human connections. We have a human need for this kind of connection, and there’s no doubt that it makes us happier, even if it complicates our lives a bit. It boosts creativity. I find that working in solitude is the best way to create, and having some time for solitude is important for reflecting on ideas … but having a genuine discussion with someone is really important for expanding on those ideas. When I get together with a friend, or talk something over with my wife, I inevitably walk away with several new (or reinvigorated) ideas that excite me. It creates opportunities. I am not in favor of “networking”, but when you make a connection with someone, new opportunities for collaboration and creation emerge that weren’t there before. For example, before I met Jesse Jacobs of Samovar Tea Lounge, I wasn’t a big tea guy. But after we became friends, I became interested in tea, and we sat down and recorded some lessons on tea (where I was the beginner student) and that turned into the excellent new Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Tea. That wasn’t a realistic possibility before we connected. This has happened to me numerous times — I met Scott Dinsmore and later contributed to his new course, Connect With Anyone … I met Susan O’Connell of San Francisco Zen Center and co-created the Zen of Work course with her … I met Corbett Barr and contributed to his fantastic platform for people creating online businesses, Fizzle … and so on and so on.

Life is better when you make genuine connections. You are happier, less isolated, more creative, with new opportunities.

Let’s look at how to make these important connections.

How to Make Genuine Connections

Here’s the thing … you can’t just force a connection to be what you want it to be. Many people make this mistake in different ways: they try to create a connection with someone who doesn’t want it, or hope the person responds in a certain way, or want the other person to be something they’re not, and so on. The key to an unforced, genuine connection is openness.

So here’s what works for me: