It sounds like a darker, sicker secret than it actually is, but I had best confess it bluntly; I am pretty sure I would have dated Joseph Stalin if I had met him when I was in high school. I am not talking about the older Stalin, the merciless, moustachioed tyrant who slaughtered millions of his people without cause. I am talking about the younger Stalin, the one with thick, foppish hair and intense black eyes. If you don't believe me, Google him. Young Stalin was hot.

After I discovered this late one night while researching a book, I couldn't stop thinking that every girl should be shown this photo, of the youthful Joseph, who was a romantic poet and revolutionary, before becoming a brute and a tyrant. Who was clearly not a keeper: as a husband, he drank heavily, argued frequently, and flirted with other women. He addressed his second wife Nadezhda Alliluyeva in public as "hey, you!" and arrested her friends after they told her he was butchering people. At age 31, Nadezhda shot herself after a humiliating public fight with him at a dinner party during which he flicked cigarettes at her.

I would talk to these teenage girls about the evolution in Stalin's behaviour, and about charm, and how it can fool you. About the difference between passionate intensity and love. We could discuss how to recognise signs of aggression, manipulation, abuse or control in even the most nascent relationship – and what not to tolerate and when to walk away.

I was reminded of my teen Stalin lecture this week when I saw the footage of former Auburn deputy mayor Salim Mehajer verbally abusing his estranged wife, Aysha. He was spitting into his phone's camera in rage. He accused her of having "f---ed 12 guys" and said he wanted her to die and that she had to call him back or he would seek revenge. "If you don't call me in five minutes, I'm going to rape your mum, your mum and your f---ing dad," he said. "Call me now."