COLORADO SPRINGS, CO — A recent spate of reports out of Colorado Springs claim that Jesus Christ, the son of God and lead vocalist of The Trinity, has returned to Earth.

Numerous residents in the area have proclaimed the divinity of the man in question, testifying to media outlets across the area. Surprisingly, none seem too happy about the Messiah’s return.

While one would expect the second coming of Christ to be a cause for celebration, the heavily conservative population has so far expressed displeasure, describing Jesus as “a 30 year old long-haired hippie freak loitering around town performing tricks on street corners with his vagabond friends.”

“Sure, I saw him heal a deaf guy yesterday, that was a pretty neat move,” says local grocer, Don Hallaway, “But this town has enough trouble without a bunch of deadbeat fisherman and tax collectors blocking traffic. The rest of them are clearly cashing in on some trust fund money too by the look of their Patagonia puffer vests. Must be from Boulder.”

“As a Christian, I tried to be welcoming,” says Colorado Springs native, Matt Rivers, “I bought him a dank local beer but he only gave me a glass of bad wine in return. Cheap bastard. If he wants people to respect him he’s gonna have to cut his hair. I passed him a joint too and he bogarted the whole thing! Respect thy neighbor, Christ.”

Some of the locals, including police, have petitioned for changes to the loitering laws in an effort to remove the ragtag group. Other’s have expressed annoyance and downright anger over Christ’s presence.

“I heard he used to work construction for his step-dad up in Evergreen, but they didn’t get on well. Supposedly Jesus felt oppressed by the capitalist system and jumped town,” says town cop, Rick Davis. “He then hitchhiked around the Mojave for 40 days eating a bunch of peyote and boomers. Some example. Guy needs to go.”

“My pastor told me I’d be saved if I hated queers and the colored,” says professional bow-hunter, Ralph Evans. “All of a sudden this dope with dirty hair shows up saying he’s the son of God and that we shouldn’t judge our neighbors, but I pay a lot of money to be around good neighbors.”

“He asked me to wash his filthy feet!” says Maude Rivers, school teacher. “Guy is off his rocker. Hasn’t cut his toenails in years by the looks of it!”

“Apparently, this Jesus has no respect for veterans,” says Mitch Hampton, “Doesn’t he understand I went to Iraq in his name? And here he is talking about giving peace a chance, grow up! I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but this guy’s a pussy. Get a job before you start preaching about equal rights. I’m starting to think this Judas stuff might be fake news.”

While the townsfolk have thus far been tolerant of the wayfaring prophet, he’s likely to face charges if he keeps pissing people off.