As I always I transcript the sessions at the end of the day to gain a better understanding of my patients, the details I might have missed but the sleepiness caught onto me. My state caused me think that they stopped mid-sentence. In my groggy state, I started to read the two transcripts side by side.

—-

Patient 1: I get restless very easily and like a flash of lightning. You know what my sun sign is?

Patient 2: Gemini. Yes, my sun sign is Gemini. Maybe that is why I think about life and people so much.

Patient 1: I suffer from life and people. The sky depresses me. The blank wall filled with dirt stains on my wall swallows me whole.

Patient 2: I hit the wall without any control. I think that’s what caused the dirt stains, it is actually blood.

Patient 1: I wish I could control that part of me but when it consumes me, it consumes me whole and I just lay there on my bed looking at the…

Patient 2: ceiling. What it represents. The isolation and the loneliness of just typing out my thoughts and uploading it onto a projection known as the screen. A screen has become a symbolic thing

Patient 1: A symbol of putting our whole life under one gambit. Is it agreeable to look at your life as a whole? And not savouring the moments.

Patient 2: A moment 5 years ago came up on my facebook feed and it was about the goals I set out for myself. A list of 15 points that ranged from travelling to…

Patient 1: Meditating, trying weed, learning german. I want to try meditation so much. That’s what I would like to do the most. I wanted to do all that but I failed.

—

My eyes didn’t need a caffeine hit to understand what this was. The personalities of the two patients were the same almost as if finishing their sentence. Was this is a sign of something? A cry for help ? or a riddle to solve before its too late. I read on further brushing off my inattentiveness.

—

Patient 2: I want to just live my life happily…

Patient 1: For the last time. This might be the last day of my visit…

Patient 2: to this parasite of a world. I would like to say that I want to think nothing. And not see him amongst the shadows anymore,maybe that’s why I want to try medi…

Patient 1: …medications that actually work. A high dosage of them, because the low dosage does not make him go away. He stands there with his hands on his head, bleeding profusely. I have decided though Today is the last day…

Patient 2: That I will see him. I would like to say to him that it was a good journey nonetheless. Thank you for listening.

Patient 1: Thank you for listening.

—

I sit there shook from what I read. It was 11 pm. I take the keys off my table trying to reach two places at once. Just then my phone rings. I pick it up. Another call after that. I pick it up. I keep the keys back on my table. And shred the conversations off my memory. My consciousness has reached its sleepiness state.