Hello there, I was recently forced to go to a week long bible camp, and I have written down some of the more interesting things I heard people say, anything in parenthesis is my own input. "Jesus was not a limp wristed man going around being feminine, he was a man." (*stares into camera like Jim from the office) "Left can be wrong... And I mean politically people." (Maybe Republicans thought this was funny but I didn't.) "Everyone that doeth evil hateth the light." (Only a sith deals in absolutes) "My child, when he was two or three, would plot to play with his toys after dark." (Toddler, paying with toys at night, clearly has sinister intent.) -right after this he told a story about how the kid went into his room at night because he was scared and since the pastor was jerked awake he yelled at his kid "well now we're both scared - go back to your room and sleep!" "I read this article by a lunitic that said Jesus is gender neutral." (Because if he's all powerful and perfect he *has* to be a man right?) "Eve didn't say freely when descibing how she could eat of all but one of the trees in the garden, so she must have wanted to eat the fruit." (Regular sherlock we got here.) After comparing Hillary to Jezebel - "she did murder people" (???) "I always knew which bathroom to use" (no sermon could be complete without your trusty unrelated homophobia!) "There's no other book that has a talking donkey." (Whiney the pooh, shrek, Dominic, etc.) "We don't have much morality left in the USA." (Prolly cause we're forced to listen to hateful messages and people like you.) "Why don't you be a man, get a manly voice, and preach like one" (-GotG to star lord 2k18) "For some of you the person next to you is more important than god." (Not to my aromantic ass.) "Boys, we want you to like girls, it's biblical for you to think a girl looks pretty." (Stop rape in '18) "Nero was a demon possessed nut" (what a way with words) "This week is about putting your brain in a blender *makes loud blender noises* and cleaning it some." (*aggressively presses panic button) "You can not look into the media without having LGBT+ shoved in your face and having them say "you most tolerate it" I don't tolerate it. It. Is. A. Sin. We have friends, loved ones, family caught up in this, it doesn't make it right, the world has clouded their minds." (Not gonna lie, this really hurt.) "Some people say "I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first," your girlfriend is not a car." (One of the few good metaphors, but ruined when he said this to parents the next day) "children are like cattle, you have to push, and rope, and force them into doing the right thing most the time." One pastor praised Elijah for starting a famine in the name of god, then jumped into about how many people died in the famine to prove a point. "One of the bad things about living in 2018 Is that we have it easy... The problem with Christians today is that nobody is trying to kill them" (said this on the context that our safety was making us soft for Christ, need I say more about these peoples mental state.) "Its not bible doctrine to kill those who don't believe like you." (Exodus 11:1-10) "Baptist have never killed for Christ" (Deuteronomy 3:1-8) "I would never kill someone because they belived differently than me." (Good cause I was worried) "Don't ever get to the point where you say "it's 2018 we have to accept everything"" (I mean, don't accept murder, rape, pouring the milk first, etc. But yeah pretty much everything else is okay.) -told a story about how he told a schizophrenic that if she had one incident at a camp she would go home because she's actually just being "manipulative". (...ummm.) -told the girl "you know what you're doing you're just using your mom and dad" (yep. Said that from the pulpit) "Elijah stayed at the broke for over one year" (most people go insane after being isolated for a few months, soooo.) "Most Christians only give 3% to the church, shame on them. If you only pay 3% shame on you." (Yeah so, that is definitely NOT your place) "I was preparing for persecution during the last election, I believe persecution is coming again" (Zombie apocalypse for people who believe in the rapture) "The world will never recognize their faults but they'll recognize yours" (pot calling the kettle black) *goes on annoying rant about safe places "they aren't men" (boy I will fight you here and now) "Become a man or a mom" (BOY I WILL FIGHT YOU HERE AND NOW) I had a lot of material for this, believe it or not I left a lot out. This week made me really sad.