I was in my bedroom. Alone. Had just finished taking a shower and whilst getting changed I head people laughing. My bedroom window faces the garden. I thought it was a party, nothing to worry about. But then I heard ‘omg she’s so fat’ and lots of laughing. I stood still. It continued. I went towards the window, looked out and saw no-one. Was I being paranoid? When I closed the curtain and listened for a few minutes I realised that they were laughing at me. They were laughing at others they could see too. They were watching people through their windows and mocking them, commenting on their bodies. I was shakey and felt violated and ashamed. I hate being in public, I hate being looked at. I’m depressed and have felt suicidal (like itching to do something about it) for over half a year. And when I think I’m safe, in my own little room, it happens. I close the curtain properly and just sit there. Then I hear 'oi fatty come back’. I couldn’t even sit and cry it out because I had to leave for work and now I have to spend the next few months trying to get over another abusive incident.

Whenever I try building some confidence and try liking myself, shit like this happens. I’m now back at square one. The fact that this happens at all just makes me feel like I’m not even a person anymore. I’m just some thing people stare at and laugh.