It’s a weird question, but that’s what Reddit does best: When Reddit user _Buff_Drinklots_ asked, “If your partner was described as a household item, what would they be?” Redditors answered honestly: From Comcast cable (“I depend on her for a lot of things, but every few weeks, there’s a complete outage that frustrates the shit out of me.”) to toilet paper (“Because I couldn’t lie without her and I’d probably smell like shit and be depressed.”).

Upvoted’s artist in residence Li-Anne Dias chose a handful of these answers to illustrate—be sure to head over to the original post to see more responses.

A shitty vacuum cleaner, because he thinks he sucks, but he doesn’t.

— Reddit user Acosadora

“Swiss Army Knife. [He] can do a little bit of everything. That’s what I love about him.”

— Reddit user Cananbaum

“A candle. If I ever turn her on then go to sleep, she’ll burn my house down.”

— Reddit user Courierofthewastes

“An N64 game because my best friend took her and never gave her back.”

— Reddit user Reshimon

“A blender. Because everything that goes into her head ends up getting twisted beyond recognition.”

— Reddit user snype09

“A broom because that man sweeps me off my feet.”

— Reddit user kottonqueen