For 24-year-old Romy, the tipping point in her relationship came during a family dinner when she says she saw 15 text messages and 27 missed calls on her phone in the space of 20 minutes.

Key points: A survey found one in five young men do not understand using technology to track their partners is abuse

A survey found one in five young men do not understand using technology to track their partners is abuse The research also found 16 per cent of young men do not understand harassing text messages are a form of violence

The research also found 16 per cent of young men do not understand harassing text messages are a form of violence Romy is talking about her views on relationships to highlight the issue

"I literally thought, 'I cannot do this anymore'," she said.

"It was just so consuming."

The young woman said she had spent more than a year in a relationship with a man whose behaviours, she claimed, had escalated to the point where she believed she was "starting to lose parts of myself".

"It started kind of minor, wanting to know my password to things, wanting to read my messages over my shoulder," she said.

"I didn't see any point in arguing."

Over time, she felt increasingly controlled when, she said, he insisted on accompanying her to girls' nights out, made suggestions she wear more conservative outfits and wanted to see photos of what she was planning to wear when he would not be there.

When she went on a holiday overseas, she said he obtained a copy of her itinerary and wanted to speak on the phone whenever she had free time.

"I got woken up one day because he was calling the hotel wondering where I was," Romy said.

"It was like having a bodyguard 24-7 that I didn't want or need."

When Romy resisted, she claimed she was accused of being selfish or disrespectful. Eventually she started to believe it.

"I just stopped going to things or the more I stood up for myself, the more I sort of got put down," she said.

"It started to become a bit of an attack on who I was."

It is a myth young women enjoy being repeatedly pursued, ANROWS chief Heather Nancarrow says. ( ABC News: Alison Branley )

With reports of behaviours such as this, experts are concerned young people are failing to understand controlling and coercive behaviours are forms of domestic violence.

Findings: One in seven young people believed women often made false allegations of sexual assault

One in seven young people believed women often made false allegations of sexual assault Young people were more likely than older groups to fail to understand financial control or stalking were forms of violence against women

Young people were more likely than older groups to fail to understand financial control or stalking were forms of violence against women Some 43 per cent of young Australians thought it was natural for a man to want to appear in control of his partner in front of male friends

Some 43 per cent of young Australians thought it was natural for a man to want to appear in control of his partner in front of male friends More than one in five young men thought men should take control of relationships and be the head of the household

More than one in five young men thought men should take control of relationships and be the head of the household More young people supported gender equality in public life than in personal relationships

More young people supported gender equality in public life than in personal relationships The proportion of young people who recognised that it was mainly men who committed domestic violence had fallen 11 points since 2013

The latest national report on Community Attitudes Towards Violence against Women specifically looked at the attitudes of people aged 16 to 24.

The survey of attitudes of more than 1,700 young Australians found one in five young men did not understand using technology to track their partner's movements, whether it be hacking social media or installing spyware, was abusive behaviour.

Nearly one quarter of young men thought women found it flattering to be persistently pursued, even if they were not interested.

And 16 per cent of young men did not understand harassment by repeated emails or text messages was a type of violence against women.

Lead researcher associate professor Anastasia Powell from RMIT said the behaviours reflected a false belief that one person should have control over both people in the relationship.

"That kind of inequality in people's private relationships really sets the tone for controlling and harassing behaviours down the track," she said.

"In unequal relationships, it's not a situation where you can necessarily consent to sex, it is often associated with sexual violence and harassment.

"If there [are] concerns about violence and abuse in that relationship, a victim can't talk to their family and friends outside to get help."

If you send more than one text, 'you're really screwed'

For young men, it can be tricky to navigate the line between pursuing a woman and harassing her.

Matt, 19, and Acer, 19, say each relationship is unique and people should communicate with their partners. ( ABC News: Elena De Bruijne )

But as a general rule, young men told the ABC blokes should be wary of "double texting", which is sending more than one text message with no response.

"I think it's a thing called double texting. If you send more than one text, you're really screwed," Acer, 19, said.

"It's always difficult, but I guess you keep trying things and see what happens and then if it ends up working it works, if it doesn't, it doesn't," Matt, 19, said.

Brian, 21, said he would only send one text and if a girl did not respond, he would not keep going, but conceded it depended on "how bad you want it".

"Realistically, after the first or second, I think it is a little weird," he said.

Once in a relationship, the line could become more blurred and it was not uncommon to see a partner's private text messages on their phone throughout the course of the day.

"I have, but not in a bad way. I've been on the phone and seen something and been like 'what's this?' And it's nothing," Matt said.

"I think at first in the relationship it's a bit hard to navigate that and know what's right and what's wrong and what's too far.

"But once you're with someone for a while, you sort of understand how they feel and what their perspective is on things like trust and privacy."

Acer agreed, saying: "It will be different for every relationship."

They agreed checking a partner's phone was unhealthy.

"You've got to give them their space — a trusting space," Victor said.

They suggested peers who sent too many texts or checked their partner's phones were probably insecure and jealous.

They had one message for mates in that situation.

"Chill out," Victor said.

"Yeah, take it easy," Jerry said.

Students Brian, Victor and Jerry (pictured left to right) say men who text too much need to "chill out". ( ABC News: Elena De Bruijne )

Attitudes to gender lead to beliefs about power and control

Dr Powell said the figures from the survey were particularly relevant to young people because young women were more likely to experience sexual violence and harassment than any other age group.

"Most of the time that is from male peers of similar age so it really is a crucial time in development to break that cycle of abuse so we can be preventing it for future generations," she said.

Dr Powell said their figures showed it was not education, ethnicity or disadvantage that was the biggest contributor to young people's beliefs about control in relationships, but rather their attitudes to gender equality overall.

"Above any other demographic factor, the people [who] did not support gender equality were also the people [who] had attitudes that were problematic towards violence towards women," she said.

"We've got to remember young people are a mirror to us of the society that we have given them."

The survey was commissioned by Australia's National Research Organisation for Women's Safety (ANROWS) and VicHealth.

ANROWS chief Heather Nancarrow said the statistics showed many improvements in attitudes across the board over the past decade, but there were still too many Australians who held troubling attitudes.

Why is this important? Young women aged 18-24 are the most likely to be victims of violence and experience sexual violence, at twice the national average

Young women aged 18-24 are the most likely to be victims of violence and experience sexual violence, at twice the national average One in four Australian women over 18 have experienced intimate partner violence since age 15

One in four Australian women over 18 have experienced intimate partner violence since age 15 Nearly two in five women aged 18 to 24 experience sexual harassment each year

Young people were particularly set apart from older cohorts when it came to attitudes towards men's roles in relationships and control, understanding of violence against women, and lower support for gender equality.

"There's a misbelief that young women enjoy being repeatedly pursued — that's a myth," she said.

"What that is actually is sexual harassment at a minimum."

Dr Powell said changing community attitudes was a long-term project that involved more than just more education programs.

"[Young people] are also being influenced by what they see in their homes, what they see in their broad community, what they see on TV and in their computer games," she said.

"There is still clearly a lot of work to be done."

Do you know more about this story? Email Specialist.Team@abc.net.au

'That fine line between it's cute, to it's not OK'

For Romy, when the courage to end the relationship finally came, she claimed her partner threatened self-harm and, during a dispute, took her phone, wallet and her car keys.

"I literally couldn't leave. It was pretty intense," she said.

Romy has gone back to study, rediscovered her passion for running and is spending time on herself.

"I've really loved just finding different passions again and doing different things on my own," she said.

"When you lose your individuality, that's a really scary thing."

Romy is speaking publicly because she wants other young people to start thinking about what she believes are coercive and controlling behaviours.

"It starts so small. It's the little things you kind of give into every now and then," she said.

"You think, 'I can't be bothered with the fight'. That gives them the little inch and they just keep taking."

She believed her partner at the time was unable to see his behaviour was a problem, but she acknowledged for some couples it could be difficult terrain to navigate.

"There's that fine line between he loves you and it's cute and he just wants to make sure you're safe, and no it's not OK.

"People don't understand some behaviours are not OK."

Editor's note: This article has been amended to clarify the story shared by Romy is her own account of events. A former partner of Romy's, who does not wish to be identified, denies the allegations. He says he doesn't want to make any further comment, in the best interests of both parties.