Gay lives either matter or they don’t. Declaring that you support LGBTQ rights is cost-free; so is wrapping yourself in the rainbow flag, smiling at a same-sex couple publicly holding hands with that “Good for you” look in your eyes, or waving on a Pride parade with your kids. But what happens when a dictatorship allied to Britain and linked to the British establishment announces that it will stone gay people to death and torture lesbians?

A protest outside the Dorchester on Saturday should be well-attended: it will shame and embarrass this grubby regime

Our own government has failed this test. “The Sultan of Brunei has been a great friend of this country over many years,” cooed Mark Field, describing the country as a “friendly and generous place”, blaming Britain’s mate for getting “a little bit more devout as he got older”, and calling for a “positive and constructive dialogue on this issue”. On the spectrum of condemnation, this barely qualifies as mild tutting. Over the last few years, in our time-honoured tradition of flogging weapons to human-rights abusing despots, the British government has approved millions of pounds worth of arms licences to Brunei.

It falls, then, to LGBTQ people and their straight allies to fill the moral vacuum. Celebrities such as Ellen de DeGeneres, Elton John and George Clooney are among those demanding a boycott of hotels owned by the Brunei Investment Agency, a front of the Sultan’s regime.

From the Dorchester – whose Harlequin Penthouse in London costs upwards of £4,000 a night – and 45 Park Lane in London to Hotel Bel-Air in LA, these are the playgrounds of the great and the good. Those who continue to give their cash to such establishments are investing in a regime that threatens gay people with spending their final moments having rocks thrown at their broken bodies by baying mobs. A protest outside the Dorchester on Saturday should be well-attended: it will shame and embarrass this grubby regime.

George Clooney and Elton John have called for a boycott of nine Brunei-owned hotels including London’s Dorchester and the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles. Photograph: Jean-Baptiste Lacroix/AFP/Getty Images

But this goes far beyond hotels. In 1993, Oxford University conferred an honorary degree on Brunei’s Sultan. That one of the world’s most prestigious universities is handing out such honours to dictators and despots is itself morally repellent, and helps imbue them with ill-gotten legitimacy and respectability. Oxford’s students have organised a petition, which deserves the support of all of us, demanding the degree be rescinded. If the university refuses to do this, what message is it sending its own LGBTQ students? It is insulting enough that Oxford accepts millions of pounds from figures linked to the gay-murdering dictatorship of Saudi Arabia. Aberdeen University, too, has promised to review its own honorary degree to the dictator: but this is not good enough. Educational establishments must stop legitimising human rights abusers.

There have been welcome developments: Transport for London and London’s mayor, Sadiq Khan, have announced that adverts promoting Brunei as a tourism destination will be removed from the transport network. London is a favoured second home for despots and plutocrats, and Brunei’s are no exception; one of the sultan’s residencies, St John’s Lodge in Regents Park, is worth tens of millions, and the regime has spent £500m buying up most of Queensway. But last Sunday, activists danced with rainbow flags outside the Sultan’s Brunei pad: he may be terrorising LGBTQ people into silence in Brunei, but he must be held accountable for his brutality wherever he goes.

This should act as a reminder that the struggle for LGBTQ rights must be global in scope. While there have been important victories in the past few years – not least the decriminalisation of homosexuality in India, the world’s biggest democracy – from Nigeria to Uganda, anti-gay laws have been tightened. Shamefully, the British government deports gay refugees to countries where they are at risk of violence, persecution, and even death.

So yes, the government will offer fine words about LGBTQ equality, but they cost nothing: it is actions that matter. It must cease selling arms to this abusive regime – and others, not least Saudi Arabia – demand that the Commonwealth expel Brunei from its ranks, and pledge to protect LGBTQ refugees. If it fails to do so, the message is clear: that Britain’s economic interests trump the right of gay people to exist.

• Owen Jones is a Guardian columnist