John Bolton Says He Will Testify In Exchange For Large Bucket Of Fish

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Former National Security Adviser John Bolton now says he will testify in Trump's impeachment trial in exchange for a large bucket of fish.

Bolton emerged from the icy polar waters to say he will testify as long as Congress provides ample supplies of cod and marine mollusks.

"I will provide my testimony to the Senate, should they desire, in exchange for a nice bucket of cod, some sea cucumbers, and delicious, soft mollusks," Bolton said in a statement. "Mmmm, delicious mollusks. So soft and so yummy. A fine treat. Very fine, yes. Maybe the finest. Ah, you haven't lived until you've feasted on clams in the untamed wilds of the sea, untouched by humans, in all its savage majesty."

"Oh, to be at sea again..." Bolton looked off into the distance longingly.

Bolton then began to grunt and bark as he drooled uncontrollably, thinking about the delicious polar foods he's had since retiring and rejoining his family of walruses in the sea.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee