BOSTON—Saying he had no idea how someone like his supervisor got the job in the first place, local marketing strategist Michael Perkins told reporters Monday that he could run the company into the ground way better than his boss. “Seriously, give me a chance, and I’ll tank this whole operation in a week,” said Perkins, 34, who has reportedly stood by and watched his boss mismanage the business for years despite knowing he could lose talent and miss valuable growth opportunities far better. “Sure, he’s incompetent, but we’d be hemorrhaging money and ruining our corporate reputation like never before if you put me in there. You just watch how fast I’d sink this ship.” At press time, Perkins had botched his third consecutive presentation and was hoping he’d taken a huge step toward being in charge.

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