***

For decades, closeted gay men have married unsuspecting straight women to hide their homosexuality. Zhang Beichuan, a professor at Qingdao University's Medical School who researches gay issues, estimated that there are 20 million gay and bisexual men in China, of whom around 80 percent have married straight women. This means that around 16 million heterosexual women in China today are married to gay men. Typically experienced behind closed doors, the issue was thrust into the spotlight last June, when a 31-year-old bride from Sichuan Province jumped to her death after discovering that her husband was gay.

Not all gay people in China are satisfied with this arrangement. "It's very irresponsible. You know you can't have a normal sexual relationship with the woman. You're hurting her," said Benjamin, whose parents and colleagues, unaware of his sexuality, have tried to match him with about 20 girls over the years.

"I'll agree to go for the blind date, and I'll come home saying she's not suitable. Every time I reject a girl, I feel like I'm helping her, because I ... there's nothing I can do," he sighed.

Xinghun is seen as a less hurtful and an increasingly popular way of dealing with societal and parental expectations for LGBT people to enter into heterosexual marriages. Chinagayles.com, one of China's earliest and largest online portals for xinghun match-making, has more than 160,000 registered members and claims to have successfully matched nearly 20,000 couples since its establishment in 2005. As in other social networks, individuals upload personal details like their occupation, monthly income, educational qualification, and hukou status.

"If you ask me whether I feel helpless, yes, of course I do. But what can I do? If I got together with my male partner, what would my parents do? They are very traditional. They won't be able to accept it," he admitted. "I also want them to be able to tell their friends that their son is also a 'normal' man, is married and has a family."

The pressure from his parents became so overwhelming that Benjamin ultimately moved to Malaysia.

***

The cultural concept of "continuing the bloodline" is of paramount importance in Chinese culture. Mencius, the ancient philosopher, argued that of the three ways a son can be disloyal to his parents, the worst is to have no offspring; in the Chinese language, to curse that someone dies without a son remains a strong profanity.

The One-Child Policy in China further complicates matters.

"I'm the only son in the family. I have to carry on the family line. I have to answer to my family," said Benjamin. "Sometimes I'll wonder, if my parents had two kids, what would happen? But because they only have me, if I selfishly insist on maintaining my gay lifestyle and remain single, I feel like I'm letting them down, that I'm hurting them."