2 Things I Tell Myself When I Am Having a Bad Day

Daily writing and running keep me sane.

Photo by Erik Lucatero on Unsplash

How am I going to make any money with my art?

Oh shit, I haven’t been curated by Medium in over a month!

Who am I to write books?

This is a quick snapshot of what’s happening in my head. Not always, but sometimes. We all have bad days. We all doubt ourselves occasionally.

If you would have told me two years ago that I’d be ever doubting myself — I’d tell you to piss off. I was a real arrogant prick back then.

Everything changed when I started to write. You can’t create art and have an ego — these two things can’t co-exist. That’s why over the past six months of daily Medium writing, my ego evaporated (or got kicked in a dark corner of my cerebrum), and something appeared instead.

Fear.

Fear that I am not good enough fear that I wouldn’t be able to achieve all of the things I want for myself, but most importantly — the fear that I am wasting time doing the things I don’t love.

On the good days, I feel like a superhero. I feel like I can do anything, just give me enough time. On the bad days, I feel like my existence is purposeless. Sometimes I wonder if my father’s bipolar genes have passed on to me (or am I just being stupid?)

The good thing is that days change; my mood swings back, and if I had a terrible day — I know that tomorrow should be promising.

But because my mood is so unpredictable, I need something to keep me stabilized. I need a routine that serves as an anchor for my swinging mind.

I have two.

‘Run every single day.’

Running is much more than a sport. It’s a religion.

It doesn’t matter how long I run (although I frequently try to beat yesterday’s distance), the important thing is that I tie my shoelaces and go outside.

With running, I don’t gain weight, I look good, and feel energized, even on the bad days.

‘Write every single day.’

Writing is my craft. It’s what I love, it’s what helps me think, and it’s what makes money.

I rarely know what I am going to write until I sit down and type the first sentence. And on the contrary — whenever I try to outline my writing beforehand or tell myself what to write, it turns out terrible.

Contrary to conventional wisdom, I write not to “express myself,” but to discover myself.

The key is to write every single day.

Like Neil Gaiman said,