This winter crisis has hit the NHS, with hospitals having to cancel appointments and extend a ban on non-urgent surgery until the end of the month.

The pressure, caused by flu, bad weather and more patients with breathing problems, takes its toll on staff who work tirelessly to keep the health service going. We spoke to staff about how this can affect their emotions.

Simon Walsh, 47, consultant in emergency medicine: staff have been in tears, saying: ‘My patients didn’t get what they deserved’

This winter is having a huge impact on the emotions of staff. It’s not only frustrating, it’s sad. At work some people will have tears running down their cheeks at the end of the day, but this year even people who normally keep a calm exterior are becoming emotional.

Some nurses and doctors have been in tears, saying: “I don’t feel like my patients got what they deserved today.” They say: “It’s not right that I am having to treat patients of this age and frailty in full view of others.” It feels like it’s war zone medicine.

The fact that some emergency departments have had injured or critically ill patients queuing to get into the resus [resuscitation] room is very hard to hear. It means the system is broken if we cannot provide resuscitation to patients as soon as they need it and I find that upsetting.

It means my speciality is being prevented from delivering excellent care to the most unwell patients because of failure to invest adequately in the NHS by the government.

Seeing the elderly having to wait on trolleys is also saddening. If you are a young adult with a broken limb it’s not nice to be on a trolley in a corridor but you can deal with it, given the circumstances.

What is harder is when someone is elderly and they have to wait on a trolley and they perhaps have dementia. They are already confused as they have been taken from their normal living space and they don’t have a buzzer to tell the nurse if they need the toilet. Nurses are excellent at making sure these people are looked after but it is disorientating for these patients and it’s wrong when they have paid for the NHS their entire lives.

I haven’t cried to my family. I deal with these things by talking to colleagues and trying to find solutions. We have to keep going and turn up in a fit state to do the best job that we can. But it’s been really tough, particularly on more junior staff. And when they ask me: “Will it always be like this and will it get better?” I cannot say it will improve as the truth is it won’t unless the NHS gets the resources and investment it needs.

Anonymous A&E consultant: I live in fear I’ll miss a seriously ill patient and they will die waiting for a space

We knew this winter was going to be bad but it’s a lot worse than we imagined. Each day is relentless. Most mornings we walk into a full emergency department with more than 20 patients waiting for beds. Most of them have been in there for hours taking up cubicles, so we have no space for new patients. The resus area for critically ill patients is nearly always full.

You can’t fully assess patients on the corridor, so you look at them, get as much information from the paramedics as possible, and make a judgment call. You pick the patient you think will die the quickest without treatment and they get your next free space. The weight of those decisions is overwhelming.

I live in fear that I will miss a seriously ill patient in that queue and they will die waiting for a space. I fear that I will end up in court and lose my job. But what I worry most about is how on earth I would live knowing a patient died who we could have helped. We are firefighting on a daily basis. Everyone is doing extra, staying hours late after shifts to help.

One incident that has stuck with me was a child who had a heart attack just before Christmas. The department was busy. We assembled a brilliant senior-led team. We worked for a long time trying to save the child’s life but were unsuccessful. It was heartbreaking and the entire team was in tears. Dealing with the family was hard.

It took me a long time to get to sleep after that shift and that patient will stay in my thoughts for a long time, but it’s part of the job. The department is just too busy right now to stop after something like that.



It’s difficult knowing the standard of care isn’t adequate. Frankly, it’s soul-destroying. I feel frustrated because patients deserve better but mostly I feel sad because I am letting people down.

One thing that’s good is the camaraderie among staff. There is a real notion that we are all in this together and we are going to do our damned best. We keep each other going.

Hannah Barham-Brown, 30, junior doctor: it can be hard to sleep after a shift – you can’t turn off your brain

Winter is always challenging because people get sicker due to the weather and seasonal illnesses, which hit the elderly or people with low immunity. Christmas Day is a time when people should be celebrating and seeing lots of unwell people really compounds the emotional aspect of the job.

The work is hard. You hit a point where you are exhausted and get through the day and do your best then you crash when you get home. It can also be difficult to sleep after a long shift as you cannot always turn your brain off. It’s an adrenaline-fuelled job. I am lucky because my partner is a medic so I can do a little debrief with him when I finish a shift.



It’s been harder this year as we are working under more pressure than ever. The burden on staff is huge and we need to look after each other; it does scare me sometimes seeing how much colleagues are sacrificing personally.



Anonymous long-serving hospital nurse: I have been with the same trust for 35 years. I have never known it so bad

On the wards we are aware of the pressures in the emergency department but it is no better. Staff being in tears is now a regular feature of NHS life. We are all so tired and frustrated and this impacts on how we treat our colleagues.

My one day off over Christmas and new year involved three telephone calls and four messages with the hospital still searching for staff to work, making me feel so guilty for trying to have a rest day that it was hardly that. However, we all carry on and a good day is when nothing has gone wrong and no incident forms are required.



I’m so sad to be in this state. We are near breaking point and desperately need first aid.

Anonymous nurse on a general ward at a London hospital: I go home feeling guilty about patient care

We don’t feel we’re caring for patients properly at the moment. . Patients are having to spend hours on trolleys. It’s not safe for them. We know that means they will have worse outcomes.

This crisis has been building for weeks and cancelling routine operations won’t help. There are already no free beds in the hospital – they are all full of acute patients.

The flow of patients back into the community is not there. There is no community support for patients who are ready to leave, so they are having to stay in hospital. I’ve been in tears several times. Patients are suffering and it’s going to get worse.

I’m going home after every shift feeling guilty about the care patients are getting. It’s heartbreaking. We want to give patients the highest possible care, and they’re not getting it any more. The guilt in your heart is very hard to live with.

A mental health nurse in Wales: patients are being moved around like pieces in a puzzle to try to make the system work

We are regularly getting patients from other parts of the country because of bed shortages. We are getting patients with conditions that are out of our remit – problems such as substance abuse that are completely inappropriate for our service.

Patients are being moved around like pieces in a puzzle to try to make the system work. We may not have ambulances lined up outside our unit but we are just as much in crisis. Staff feel desperate. I can’t see how we can sink much lower.