http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IceCreamKoan

Let that sink in for a while.

Erfworld "Any sufficiently advanced riddle is indistinguishable from gibberish."

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If you have ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an Ice Cream Koan.

Something that looks like a Koan (a Chinese Buddhist riddle meant to encourage contemplation), walks like a koan, quacks like a koan, but lacks substance. It sounds meaningful at first, but after you think a moment, instead of getting some rush of insight, you realize that it is nothing more than nonsense, or just a joke dressed up in profundity's hand-me-downs. Like ice cream itself, it looks good and tastes good, but is ultimately just empty calories.

Usually done for comedy value, but all too often a result of genuine pretensions on the part of the writers. Of course, some would argue that all koans are Ice Cream Koans, but then again others would argue that all Ice Cream Koans are genuine Koans. It's most likely a difference in intent (and/or pretension) that distinguishes the two.

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If done savvily enough, is indeed a form of Truth in Television—the point of a Zen koan (literally "Public Case", a story), is to show that contradiction is actually a delusion, and help the student let go of the mental habit of arranging things into dichotomies (because both extremes, despite their apparent contradiction, are actually one thing). The Trope Namer above is one such example, despite containing an incredibly obvious pun.note Both cases are the same, wherein I give you ice cream: in the second case, I take away your lack of ice cream by giving you ice cream.

Taken to the extreme (and stretched out), this becomes a full-fledged Word Salad Philosophy. If used as part of The Summation, can venture into Fauxlosophic Narration. If the koan is attributed to a certain ancient Chinese philosopher, it's Confucian Confusion.

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Compare Mistaken for Profound, Fauxlosophic Narration, Seemingly Profound Fool, When Is Purple, Metaphorgotten, Mind Screw. Compare and contrast "Shaggy Frog" Story. Contrast Proverbial Wisdom. For when the words are meant to make sense, see Meaningless Meaningful Words. Related to True Art Is Incomprehensible. Has nothing to do with actual Ice Cream, Sailor Moon Character or the absolute angel. Might be confused with the famous Confucian sayings (which are also Chinese, but not Buddhist), which tend to be recited in You No Take Candle English.

Examples:

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Anime & Manga

Comedy

Monty Python's "The Adventures of Ralph Mellish, Hot Dogs And Knickers" (from Matching Tie & Handkerchief): Dr. Quote: The human brain is like an enormous fish. It's flat and slimy, and has gills through which it can see.

Ross Noble's Unrealtime DVD has the announcer of the intro movie muse that "'It is no easier for a blind man to see the pigs of reality, than it is for a man with no arms to throw open the doors of perception.' And from this, we learn that old Chinese people don't half talk a load of old bollocks."

Renaissance festival comedy team Puke and Snot like to work the line "He who shall, so shall he who" into their routines.

Comic Books

Wondermark combines this with metaphorgotten: "God, with a sword, can make a man a king. But a king, with a sword, can only make a man a knight. A knight, with a sword, can make a man a corpse. So... I kind of forgot where I was going there." Sounds like the point was meant the be "A sword can't be used to elevate someone to your level" or something. May not be complete nonsense, it may just be that the delivery was scatterbrained.

Warrior (as reviewed by Noah "Spoony" Antwiler) is practically MADE of these.

Archie Comics: In one story, Reggie Mantle fancies himself a martial arts expert and walks around town alternating bogus "moves" with pseudo-profound sayings along the lines of "As the grasshopper drinks of the morning dew, so is adversity pondered in the dungeons of Caliban," and "As broccoli on the dinner plate of life, so is the flower of transgression." During the '60s and '70s, the writers were faced with the problem of portraying hippies in a way that did not take a stand on any of the day's important issues — they did not support hippies but did not want to alienate readers who did. Hippies were thus depicted as carrying signs with slogans that really meant nothing, such as "Stamp Out Togetherness".

The Spider-Man Mangaverse has a ton of these in the climactic 'ninja' fight-scene. Most are, upon further reflection, ridiculous.

Street Fighter gives us "Once you were like this stream... laughing, flowing around life. Now you are like this tree—strong, flexible... but yet rooted in your obsession."

The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: "Present Tense" (Cartoon Network Block Party #36, October 2007) has Grim fearing his demise is eminent, so he goes to the Otherworld to seek advice from Nostradamus. Nostradamus : (meditating) A boney hand taps the legs of the iron tripod. Bubbling oil troubles his hood and his heart. Fear: He trembles in his robes. Divided attention; the gods never sleep. Turns out he was referring to some 200 years into the future where Grim is still subservient to future incarnations of Billy and Mandy.



Comic Strips

Dilbert: The comic strip occasionally gave us gems from the Elbonians. Elbonian A: The holy scrolls said a dog will fall from the sky... Actually, they say "never shave your duck," but it's not literal. You have to interpret it.

Elbonian B: You mean I CAN shave my duck?! A wise Elbonian once said, "in a race between a turtle and a rock, don't varnish your clams."

The Far Side parodied this once with the classic "if a tree falls in a forest" koan: "If a tree falls in a forest, and it hits a mime, does anybody care?"

Garfield offers this observation: Garfield: Life is like a birdbath. It's made of concrete, filled with water, and, uh... birds like to splash in it. Boy, that was dumb. Life isn't anything like a birdbath. Life... is like a sock monkey...

Films — Live-Action

Jokes

The Russian Reversal jokes, at least the less serious, less seditious ones. A very common theme to the "Soviet Russia" joke is that everything in Soviet Russia is backwards even if it doesn't make sense. Cars drive people, clothes wear people, lighters light people, buildings stand on people, etc, etc.

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one not to change it.

If a man says something in a forest and a woman isn't there to hear him, is he still wrong? If a woman says something in a forest and a man isn't there to hear her, is she still complaining?

Most of the "Confucius Say" jokes utilize a combination of this, incredible lame puns and Literal-Minded, such as "Man who farts in church sits in his own pew". They also double as Confucian Confusion. Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. Man who runs in front of car is tired. Man who runs behind car is exhausted. Man who runs ahead a tank gets tracked. Man who makes love with woman on top is always fucking up.

"How do you think the unthinkable?" is a deep question and will give you deep responses (or a confused "You don't, because that's what 'unthinkable' means"). When you give the Speech Impediment answer "With an ithberg (iceberg)" you'll get some great groans.

The trope could almost be called "Life is a Fountain", after an old joke on these lines. The joke has a hundred varieties, but they all play out like this:

The students ponder the wisdom, until one finally asks, "Why?"

The guru thinks for a minute, then says, " A guru is on his deathbed, surrounded by his students. With a great effort, the guru gasps out, "Life...is a fountain."The students ponder the wisdom, until one finally asks, "Why?"The guru thinks for a minute, then says, " Nu , so it's not a fountain."

Literature

Live-Action TV

Music

System of a Down's "Aerials" is also composed of these. "Life is a waterfall/ We drink from the river/ then we turn around and put up our walls" Word of God has said that this song doesn't really mean anything, but that was just a joke. The song has been confirmed to be about how a mentally handicapped child looks at the world by both Shavo and Daron.

Brazilian rock band Engenheiros do Hawaii puts no less than 57 of those in each song as a matter of principle.

puts no less than 57 of those in each song as a matter of principle. Flight of the Conchords revels in intentionally invoking this trope, particularly in Cello Tape. "Life is like a retractable pencil/If you push on it too hard it's gonna break/People are like paper dolls/Paper dolls and people, they have a similar shape."

Comedian Bo Burnham performs a song called "#Deep" which is basically a collection of these in a comical attempt to sound pretentious. "If life is an ocean, I am a deep and handsome fish/A fish that's drowning/If the artistic process is the birth canal, then I am a freshly jellied kid/come witness my crowning."

Nicely parodied in "In Held 'Twas In I" by Procol Harum: ...Let me remind you of the pilgrim who asked for an audience with the Dalai Lama. He was told he must first spend five years in contemplation.

After the five years, he was ushered into the Dalai Lama's presence, who said,

"Well, my son, what do you wish to know?"

So the pilgrim said, "I wish to know the meaning of life, father."

And the Dalai Lama smiled and said, "Well, my son, life is like a beanstalk... isn't it?"

The Beatles' "I Am The Walrus" starts off with this ("I am he as you are he and you are me and we are all together") and is chockfull of these. Its spoof by The Rutles, "Piggy In The Middle," effects this as well. At the end of recording "I Am the Walrus", John Lennon is reputed to have said "Let's see the buggers work that one out"; as the song was at least partially intended as a Take That! to the fans who constantly looked for hidden meanings in other Beatles songs. note It didn't work; "I Am the Walrus" was just as heavily overanalysed, leading an even more fed up John to write "Glass Onion" and claim "The walrus was Paul."

Podcasts

In Less Is Morgue, cult leader Thackery Boggs literally reels off dessert-themed proverbs constantly, on account of being the head of a pudding-based religious movement. Thackery Boggs: Life's mysteries quiver within me like a bowl of half-eaten custard.

Welcome to Night Vale: The proverbs at the end of every episode. Podcasts are dreams.

A bar walks into a bar. The bartender is a snake eating its own tail. The windows look out only onto the face of the one who looks.

Biologically speaking, we are all people made up of smaller people.

Pain is just weakness leaving the body, and then being replaced by pain. Lots of pain. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Earth is a hallucination. A bar walks into a bar. The bartender is a snake eating its own tail. The windows look out only onto the face of the one who looks.Biologically speaking, we are all people made up of smaller people.Pain is just weakness leaving the body, and then being replaced by pain. Lots of pain. Cecil also opens most episodes with these. For example: Rabbits are not what they seem to be.

Silence is golden. Words are vibrations. Thoughts are magic.

Bananas are hardly that slippery. But watch your step anyway.

The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. It is only the truth seeker who wonders "Why is the glass there? Why is there water all over the floor? Why is it covering every other surface of the house? Who — or what — is doing this to us?"

There is a thin semantic line separating "weird" and "beautiful", and that line is covered in jellyfish.

At random points in a few episodes of Wreckless Media Radio, co-host Bryan Corpolongo lists these. Usually during a discussion of fortune cookie fortunes or motivational speakers. They are frequently bizarre.

Print Media

The British newspaper columnist Miles Kington would sometimes write a column filled with "Albanian proverbs", which "tend to be poetic and evocative. You sit and think about them for a while, and savour them. Then you realise that they're either meaningless or wrong." They included: Is there anything that an elephant would consider as being big? Does a bridge go over a river? Or does the river go under the bridge? (Yes.) Whoever said that it takes two to tango had forgotten about the musicians in the band.



Radio

Tabletop Games

The Dungeons & Dragons module Mad Monkey vs. Dragon Claw gives the character Mad Monkey a whole page of sayings of a type called "fortune cookie philosophy". One example is "The goose may fly, the fox may stalk, but only the pig hunts for truffles with his nose."

gives the character Mad Monkey a whole page of sayings of a type called "fortune cookie philosophy". One example is "The goose may fly, the fox may stalk, but only the pig hunts for truffles with his nose." This is the M.O. of the Over the Edge character Koanhead. Of course, when he unloads one, it comes true.

The Shadowrun signature character Man-of-Many-Names contributes to in-universe conversations this way. Other shadowtalkers find it odd and occasionally disturbing when his comments make sense.

Video Games

Web Animation

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls Digital Series: Spoofed by Pinkie in "Road Trippin", after she uses her sugar-exploding power. Pinkie Pie: If a tree falls in the woods and then gets sprinkle-blasted to bits, did it ever really exist?

Homestar Runner: In the Strong Bad Email "no loafing", Strong Bad decides to supplement the "NO LOAFING" sign in his computer room with some motivational posters, including a poster of a windsurfer with the caption "Failure is not a four-letter word" and a wood-burned image of a horse with the caption "The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last..."

Web Comics

Web Original

Web Videos

raocow would sometimes say seemingly political or controversial sounding phrases in his Let's Plays that might just actually be meaningful and insightful. But if you think of it for a while, you will realize that it's just a plain Non Sequitur.

From Ask a Ninja: Question: If a ninja kills a man in the forest and there's no one else there, does he make a sound?

Answer: If a ninja does anything, anywhere, he doesn't make a sound. HE'S A NINJA! And if he does, it's probably the last sound you'll ever hear.

Bennett the Sage makes several of these during Suburban Knights by switching words around. Example: "To answer the phone, the phone must answer you."

Lampshaded in the Hardly Working episode "Airplane": Amir: You Americans are all the same. You sacrifice so much for your freedom, but was it... how you say... sacrificed for you?

Dan: That sounded poetic, but made no sense!

The Chronicles of Jaller: The titular character. He knows tons of meaningless phrases. Jaller: Oh, come on, Axon, you know what they say: once the cottage cheese has been browning in the barn for too long, no chicken can out run it.

Axon: I'm gonna save a lot of time by pretending that is a real saying...

An episode of Epic Rap Battles of History has Laozi do this to Sun Tzu, his teammate. ("A bowl is most useful when it is empty.") The general has had enough at that point and tells the philosopher to fill that bowl with "shit that makes some sense." It actually did make sense in context (their best move at that point was to do nothing and let the other team tear each other apart) but there was no reason to be so cryptic about it.

Invoked inThe Nostalgia Critic episode "Revenge of the Commercials". The Critic compares the old Pop Tarts slogan of "So cool, it's hot! So hot, it's cool!" to "one of those Zen riddles you're never supposed to actually get". It then shows two monks standing in a field, with sensei positing the slogan as a Koan, with the student reluctantly asking "pop tarts?" and being angrily told he's wrong.

The CollegeHumor sketch "How to Sound Smart" discusses and analyzes this by demonstrating the rhetorical devices that lend these kinds of statements the illusion of profundity. Trapp: ... It's called "antimetabole." He mirrored his phrase, switching two words around in order to sound smart. Brennan: Come on! Trapp: No, it's true, you can do it with anything. Listen to this: "If you want love to be a part of your life, you must first make life a part of your love." Grant: ... ... THAT IS SO WISE! Katie: Oh my god, I love it! I love it so much and I don't even understand it! Brennan: (typing on his phone) "Make life a part of..."

Western Animation

Real Life