Millions Of Women Outraged As Essential Oils Businesses Deemed Non-Essential

LAVENDER FALLS, IA—Women everywhere say they're very angry as their oil businesses, which are clearly labeled essential, are nonetheless being called non-essential.

The women say they are organizing protests -- where they will stand six feet apart, of course -- and letter-writing campaigns. Some violent women are even creating essential oil Molotov cocktails to throw at government buildings. They don't do any damage but do make the place smell nice.

Local woman Karen DeCastro said she was "outraged" and "incensed" and "couldn't even" when her local government informed her selling essential oils is not an essential business.

The essential oils businesses in her area were ordered to stop holding sales pitches in the homes of their friends and family members. DeCastro said she wasn't going to take this lying down, however, as she's going to fight for her right to sell essential oils for approximately $1.50 an hour.

"Excuse me, I'd like to speak to a manager," the indignant woman said as a county official told her that selling essential oils is not essential. "What could be more essential than essential oils? It says they're essential right in the name."

"Tell you what -- come inside and hear my short, two-hour sales pitch, and I'll send you home with a free care package of oils. If you still don't think they're essential, then I'll stop selling them, no problem."

The county official is now in her downline.

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