Ald. Bob Donovan released his mayoral campaign platform today calling for a "Cop A Block" program, a new public safety department and the construction of a "state of the art" coal mine Downtown.

Donovan has criticized a wide array of what he calls "the ills of the city." The most recent targets include Mayor Tom Barrett, the entire Common Council, all reporters and columnists, Carole Meekins, Summerfest, Wells Street, Whitnall Park, turkey hot dogs, the Fine Arts Quartet, WUWM, snow tires, (out of the closet) gay relationships, Elvis impersonator Tom Green (who has been dead for seven years) and all ice cream that is not vanilla or chocolate.

"My campaign has been very critical," Donovan said. "But I am turning around to make it a positive campaign. No more attack ads. Just my innovative plans to make this city a safer, better place to live. And the coal mine is the linchpin of my high growth program for Milwaukee."

"The estimates for this year are that Milorganite will raise over $7.7 million in revenue for the city," he said. "My experts say that we could mine coal and raise 10 times as much, or $77 million. We could get rid of that period [sic] in the Milorganite figure."

Donovan said that he and his team had searched for possible sites for the mine and had settled on two.

"One could be on the land made available when we tear down the Bradley Center," he said. "Think of the development that could spring up around the mine. We are also looking at all of Currie Park, which is 195 acres of useless space with a lousy golf course.

"Everybody talks about Milwaukee becoming the freshwater capital of the world. Well, crap, nobody pays for water. But they pay through the nose for coal. This could be huge."

Donovan acknowledged that a huge influx of coal miners might present security and safety problems for the city and said he had a two-pronged plan to deal with those issues.

"The first prong is the Cop A Block program. We will take some of the profits from the mine and buy a house in every block in Milwaukee and let a cop live there for free. Imagine the safety impact on that block," he said.

Donovan added he had planned for a cop on every north and south block but had not decided yet what to do about the east and west blocks.

"The second prong of my plan is to create a new public safety department and I’m proud to announce that Sheriff David Clarke has agreed to leave his post to head this new safety effort," Donovan said. "This program is well underway. Clarke has already designed uniforms and hats and readily identifiable belts. He has will purchase surplus tanks and used military vehicles from the Army and a series of RPGs and IEDs for use in high crime areas. Nobody is going to mess with Milwaukee anymore."

Donovan needs to submit his 41,000 signatures to get on the ballot by the end of the month. He has reported that he has gotten 200 so far – mostly at his neighborhood bar on darts league night – but is confident a last minute push will put him over the top.