CHICAGO—Disappointed and irritated by his half-hearted display of fandom, sources reported Tuesday that local man Paul Winslow must have thought that it was enough to wear a Chicago Blackhawks jersey to a Chicago Cubs game. “I guess this fucking guy assumes he’s covered because the Blackhawks also play in Chicago?” said onlooker Daryl Culliver, 32, adding that the man seemingly could not be bothered to wear a jersey, or even a T-shirt, representing the team he actually came to see. “Look around, bud, we’re at a Cubs game. You think you can just half-ass it by waltzing in with a [Jonathan] Toews jersey and then act like you’re one of us? Christ, where the hell does this guy even get off?” Sources added that they were currently undecided about whether to pass judgment on a woman in the stands wearing a yellow shirt that simply read “Chicago.”

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