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ORNA O’MALLEY, an adult woman, was devastated to learn she is now being referred to as a ‘woman’ by people considerably younger than her, thus consigning her to the scrap heap that is old age.

The startling discovery of her irreversible no-longer-a-girl-ness came when, trying on a dress in town, O’Malley overheard a retail worker refer to her as ‘that woman over there, yes, the lady wearing the red top’ thus shattering the 29-year-old’s notions about herself.

“Wait, I’m a ‘lady’ now, but that bitch is like 20, we’re practically the same age,” O’Malley said to herself as she questioned everything about her life while staring at her aging, haggard reflection in a nearby mirror.

“I still get fucking ID’d in the off licence,” added O’Malley, lying. Unlike men who are immediately referred to as men once they hit about 20, adult women can remain infantilised by society in a creepy way.

The years during which an adult woman of the ages 18 and above remains condescendingly referred to as a ‘girl’ can last upwards of a decade and prove incredibly frustrating to women, however, scientists have yet to fix on a specific age for the transition from being referred to as a girl to a woman.

Having spent years grimacing on each and every occasion she was deigned ‘a girl’ by friends, family, work colleagues, elderly men and rnadom strangers, O’Malley now pined for that bygone era.

“If everyone now calls me ‘miss’, ‘madam’ and ‘woman’ or ‘lady’ I’ll have to get my shit together and act like an adult,” the worried O’Malley pondered further, unable to decide if society recognising she is in fact a woman was a good thing or the tragic beginning to the end of her youth.