After a short departure, the Raines Reaction is back for the first time since week 1. I’m not here to give you the hard hitting analysis, but the scores, big time players, some quick hitters from each game and a week 7 preview, that’s what I am here for. So without further ado, let’s take a look at Thursday night in New England.

Class was in Session

Giants 14 – Patriots 35

The Patriots continued their dominant stretch, becoming the first team to 6 wins last Thursday. Professor Belichik continues to display the dominance of his defense. Teacher assistant Tom Brady taught student of the game Daniel Jones a thing or two not with his arm, but with his legs as he ran for two touchdowns. Other teams better be getting their notes down because what is going on in New England is super bowl worthy year in, year out.

WARNING! Eating W’s may cause Turnovers! 7 to be exact

Panthers 37 – Suckaneers 26

I called them the Suckaneers because they sucked on Sunday in London. Photo Credits to tenor.com

To London we go where Jameis had 5 Interceptions and 2 fumbles. Yes you read that right. He turned the ball over 7 times. The Bucs D held McCaffrey to less than 60 all purpose yards. Kyle Allen threw for over 200 yards and 2 TD’s. After putting up 50 burger against the Rams, Jameis and the Suckaneers have been on a diet from the W’s, losing two in a row. Getting some offseason love, the Buccaneers have buried a hole for themselves at 2-4. The Panthers have rallied the troops after losing Cam Newton to injury, and Kyle Allen has proved to be serviceable, leading the Panthers to 4 straight W’s.

Outside of Terry McLaurin, the talent in Miami WAS-MIA

Redskins 17 – Dolphins 16

In the Tank-for-Tua bowl, Washington came out with their first win of the season. However, the winner will not make the playoffs and the loser bettered their chances for the #1 pick, so who really won here? Ohio State alum ‘Scary’ Terry McLaurin was prepping for Halloween as he ate up the candy ass secondary of Miami with 100 yards and 2 touchdowns. But it came down to a late two point try for the Fins, where Kenyan Drake was a little to early for New Year’s as he dropped the ball in what could of been the game winning 2 point conversion.

The Saints Go Marching into Jacksonville with the Support of the Pope

Saints 13 – Jaguars 6

Today we give thanks to the Lord for our new #Saints. They walked by faith and now we invoke their intercession. — Pope Francis (@Pontifex) October 13, 2019

Into sacksonville we go, where the game between the Jaguars and the Saints was a defensive DUUUUZY. Teddy ‘Throwsevelt’ wasn’t the only one walking tall and carrying a big stick. The Saints defense was carrying the lumber as well, holding the Jags offense to 226 yards. Minshew Mania seems to have run out in Jacksonville, leaving the Jags to wonder where their ‘big stick’ is. The Jags are left ‘Big Dick Nickless’ , losing two in a row. Meanwhile the Saints are marching, winning 4 straight, and the fans can feel a slight Brees coming into the city of New Orleans.

Baltimore Shoots the Eye out of the Bengals

Bengals 17 – Ravens 23

Photo Credits to larrybrownsports.com

In the great state of Maryland, Lamar Jackson’s legs were looking far from fragile (probably because he’s not Italian). From afar, his 156 rushing yards and 236 passing yards were looking like electric sex. For the Bungles, Andy Dalton was doing his best Red Ryder BB Gun impression, shooting the eyes out of the win column for the Cincy. Christmas in October? Yes, the way the Bengals have played, any team that has them on the schedule should feel as they got a gift.

Baker and co. Cook up a Chokejob in the Kitchens

Seahawks 32 – Browns 28

What can Brown do for you? Well I can tell you what he did for the Seahawks. Jaron Brown caught two touchdowns in what was a huge comeback victory against the Browns. Russell Wilson happened to wake up feeling a little more ‘dangeruss’ than Baker did last sunday and it was evident. Wilson continues his MVP caliber start to the season, while Mayfield is cooking up a baker’s dozen of interceptions with 11 already in the batch. Freddie Kitchens clearly had a chubb when calling a timeout while his running back marched in to the endzone after the fact. The Seahawks literally took the Browns to bowl, the toilet bowl that is. Seahawks flush out the Browns, improving their record to 5-1.

Minnesota Diggs Kissing Cousins

Eagles 20 – Vikings 38

The Philadelphia Eagles’ secondary has been hit harder than Rocky Balboa ever has. With a injury riddled cornerback unit, Kirk Cousins decided he was gonna fly now. And boy did he. Stefon Diggs was eating lighting and crapping thunder as he went for 185 all purpose yards and 3 touchdowns. Dalvin Cook and Alexander Mattison has left Minnesota fans saying “Yo Adrian” we don’t need you! For the Eagles, the world may not be all sunshine and rainbows now, but the NFC East is so bad they don’t have a chance to throw in the damn towel.

A Texas sized W for the Texans

Texans 31 – Chiefs 24

In Kansas City, the Texans had a strategy of ground and pound and stuck to it. Carlos Hyde was churning out yards so smooth the Amish couldn’t believe it wasn’t butter. However Will Fuller could believe it was butter, and maybe had too much of it with 3 drops that would of been touchdowns. Patrick Mahomes was down some of his ‘Mahomies’ on the O-Line but was able to link up with a healthy Tyreek Hill for 2 touchdowns. Both teams are now 4-2 and a top of their divisions, but hey the Bears didn’t need either of Mahomes or Watson.

The Cardinals squeak out a W in the Battle of the Birds

Falcons 33 – Cardinals 34

The Falcons are going streaking!! However it’s not the fun kind, losing 4 in a row. Photo Credits to giphy.com

Austin ‘Hoop-a-Loop’ Hooper could not be stopped and found getting yards against a weak Cardinals secondary was Nuthin but a G Thang. Kyler Murray took it Old School and had himself a nice little sunday, throwing for 340 yards and 3 touchdowns, running for another 32, and after the game was thinking about going to Home Depot, getting some flooring, buy some nice wallpaper, some fun stuff like that. Dan Quinn had a fever and the only cure was Matt Ryan, as he threw for 356 yards and 4 touchdowns. The shootout was ended by a missed extra point by Matt Bryant who has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson.

San Francisco Continues to Stay Golden

49ers 20 – Rams 7

Jared Goff looked more like Jared Trough with the performance he put on. That one should of went down the pisser! With less than 100 yards passing, the Rams and boy genius Sean McVay couldn’t come up with any brain blasts on offense. The run game for San Fran has been successful and because of which, the 49ers 5-0 start is almost as hot as Jimmy G.

Game Over for Super MARIOta

Titans 0 – Broncos 16

What version of Tannehill are we on? 2.0 or 3.0? It doesn’t matter, after two picks it was game over for Mariota. Phillip Lindsay Lohan found out twice that the limit did exist, and that limit was in the endzone. After the Titans lost 4 out of their last 5, Vrabel is losing his mind writing in his burn book. Derrick Henry had one of the ugliest effing stat lines I’ve ever seen, averaging less than 2 yards per carry. On the opposing side of the field, the Broncos are starting to come to form and looking grool (I meant to say great but then I started to say cool) while on their 2 game win streak.

Darnold got Mono after a Single, but went all the way against Cowboys

Cowboys 22 – Jets 24

After coming back, Sam Darnold lead the Jets to their first win of the season. Photo Credits to nypost.com

To the Meadowlands we go, where Sam Darnold said he was done with kissing, he wanted the real thing. Well, Darnold did the damn thing. Stone Cold Tavon Austin was stunnered into becoming the top target due to Amari Cooper’s injury. Rowdy Robby Anderson was so fast on his 92 yard touchdown he could turn off the light and be in bed before the room’s dark. Le’Veon finally found the end zone, and rung the bell after the Cowboys did not convert on their 2 point conversion to fulfill their comeback.

Duck, Duck, W!

Steelers 24 – Chargers 17

Devlin ‘Duck’ Hodges had the many Steelers fans in LA singing Duck Tales and Renegade all night long. Conner. James Conner, had the Steelers believing that starting 1-4 was no time to die in the weak AFC West by scoring 2 touchdowns. With a scoop and score and an interception, Devin Bush had Mike Tomlin believing ‘We got him’ and by him I mean the guy who will rebuild this Steelers D. The Los Angeles SuperChargers are looking less and less super as the weeks go on.

I Have Never Seen a Zebra Assault a Lion until MNF

Lions 22 – Packers 23 – Referees in Packers back pocket

Two illegal hands to the face calls, a missed defensive interference is just the opening credits of Revenge of the Zebras. Photo Credits to deskgram.net

I’m not going to get in depth, but it pains me to say that the Lions had this one in the bag. Bad red zone offense and some missed calls blew it for Detroit.

What we can look forward to in NFL Week 7

Jalen Ramsey and Aaron Donald on a Defense together

If you have not seen the news, Jalen Ramsey is now a Los Angeles Ram. So for the Rams this means, arguably the best pass rusher and best corner will be defending the Falcons together. The offense may struggle, but the defense certainly has the names to be one of the best in the biz.

The Rookie QB Bowl

Daniel Jones vs. Kyler Murray. 1st pick vs. 6th pick. The teams may not be the greatest, but these young QBs could be the future of the NFL.

Mason Ramsey

The twelve year old ‘yodel boy’ is performing the National Anthem in Nashville this weekend as the Titans take on the Chargers. Both teams are only 2-4 but Ramsey at least makes the beginning of this game watchable.

NFC East Supremacy

I am not the biggest fan of the Cowboys having every nationally televised game. However, the NFC East is open for the taking and that starts sunday night. Both the Cowboys and the Eagles have been struggling, but it is a big game nonetheless.

Detroit vs. Everybody part 1,000,000

On this week’s upcoming episode of Detroit gets bent over by officiating, the Lions face off against Minnesota at home. On top of Detroit vs. Everybody, Laquon Treadwell, a bust, called the Lions an easy matchup. You can ask the Cardinals, Chargers, Eagles, Chiefs, and Packers, the Lions are a tough matchup week in week out, win or lose.

Featured Image. NFL 100th Season. Photo Credit NFL.com.