I adore my husband of nearly two years. Despite facing the challenges of becoming new parents and a job loss, we have not lost our friendship and affection for each other. Either through brutal honesty or cynicism, however, we did quickly identify that we both feared that only sleeping with each other until “death do us part” would not be enough to sustain our sparkle.

So we set out on a “sparkle sustaining” exploration.

Since my early 20s, I had found myself more and more attracted to women. It was often a theme of our fantasies and something we knew we wanted to explore. Using a well-known dating app, I set out to find a woman who could fulfil this particular adventure. The intention was never to find love or a long-term partnership.

Yet after a few days of searching, there was Emma, a lovely, charming, self-deprecating, beautiful woman who made my heart flutter in the way that new love can. We hit it off immediately. But what of my husband? Did that mean I didn’t love him any more?

After a few weeks of soul searching, some wonderful dates with Emma, long talks with my husband and Emma, I discovered that I could and did love them both. Equally, I discovered that love was infinite and boundless. My heart had room for Emma and placed her there alongside my husband and son with no competition.

Emma and I spend time together as a couple; Emma and my husband spend time together as friends; and we all hang out as a family with our son and dogs. And yes, Emma and I have sex. My husband often joins us. My husband and I have the best sex we’ve ever had. The sparkle has turned into a raging fire.

I feel surrounded and blessed by love – not only do I bask in my husband’s but in Emma’s too. Our baby son and dog also adore her.

The sad fact is, however, that I feel I can never tell you – my family and friends – about her. About how happy she makes me and the rest of my family, how she’s strengthened the bond between my husband and me and given me a new zest for life and love.

Despite the fact that we are "allowed" to love multiple members of our family at the same time, you would never accept me loving my husband and another woman. The fact that she is a woman would be another issue in itself.

I know I would be met with harsh judgment, misunderstanding and even concern. We are programmed in society to be monogamous. The concept of “ethical non-monogamy” is so alien, so hidden. It’s as though we have been conditioned to value monogamy over happiness.

Would there be fewer affairs, divorce and broken families if it were deemed acceptable to live in happy tribes of multiple partners?

For me, in a world where terrorism, war and violence continue to dominate the headlines, we should celebrate and embrace love in all its forms. I am anyway.

Anonymous