After a long, slow summer we have finally made it to the beginning of the 34th season of this show we love so dearly.

It was a fairly lackluster offseason in the Challenge world. If you tuned out over the summer, you didn’t miss much.

There were some engagements (congrats to Jordan/Tori and the legend Jenn Grijalva), some breakups (RIP Nangela, can’t wait to see your segement on Dr. Phil! Also sorry about your continued bad luck with partners, Sarah), and some pregnancies (Hunter’s having a kid, Amanda got knocked up, and the legend LaToya Jackson is also with child).

Also, it came out that Bear might be a pedophile. Shit happens.

In personal news, I’m still single and unemployed. Shit happens.

With a new season upon us, let’s look at the biggest storylines going into War of the Worlds 2.

10. Who Are These New Kids?

Thankfully there’s only six rookies on this season compared to 18 on the first incarnation of War of the Worlds (although Rogan might as well be a rookie after lasting just one episode on Vendettas).

Although I know nothing about them, based on the cast’s impressions it seems that Jennifer and Idris will be beasts, the guys will lust after Nicole, Esther will be a fun character, and Sean and Big T will be quickly forgotten.

9. Can Anyone Stop Turbo?

We don’t know what team he will start on, but does it really matter? Can anyone take this guy out?

While nobody on The Challenge is unbeatable, Turbo has to be considered the toughest out since prime CT. The guy has no weaknesses in his game, he’s liked by everyone and he doesn’t need to play the political game to succeed.

If Turbo wins this season, it might not be too early to start talking about where he stands in the all-time rankings.

8. What Version of CT Are We Getting?

After the two most lackluster seasons in his career happening back-to-back with his early exits on Final Reckoning and War of the Worlds, is it getting time for CT to hang up the Under Armour?

He came back in Dad Bod shape for Invasion, and has progressively gotten in worse shape since then.

There were rumors that he was taking his offseason training seriously coming into season 34, and in cast photos he looks to be in better shape, although he’s still not the chiseled head smasher that he was back in the day.

I’m not ready to say his days of being a top-level player are over quite yet. It’s easy to forget, but he’s barely a year removed from winning the difficult Champs vs. Stars season three, and he proved on Invasion and Dirty 30 that he doesn’t need to be in top shape to be an elite competitor.

CT has basically become the lovable uncle of The Challenge, but I’d love to see him remind everyone why he’s (in my opinion) the greatest player in the history of the show on season 34.

7. Please, For the Love of God, Is the Paulie/Cara/Kyle Drama Over?

There is absolutely no reason for this to be a thing anymore. Kyle purchased a house and moved in with his girlfriend during the offseason, while Paulie and Cara have now been dating for over a year.

Can we please just move on? These three are all big enough characters that they don’t need this feud to continue being cast — this isn’t a Devin attaching himself to Bananas situation. If Cara continues to make a big deal about Kyle, my only assumption has to be that she still has feelings for him.

6. Is Ashley the New Bananas?

After infamously taking $500,000 from Hunter on Final Reckoning, Ashley lost to him in the first elimination of War of the Worlds.

As the richest person in Challenge history with no Lavender Ladies by her side, is she now a marked woman on every show she comes on? While I don’t think anyone on this cast specifically has it out for her, I don’t see anyone who has her back either.

To prove her two wins weren’t a fluke, she’s going to have to start making some new friends.

5. Bananas vs. Wes, Part 874

With Johnny and Wes on the same team, it almost seems inevitable that the US team will choose sides between the two legends, or at the very least they will have some kind of showdown.

These guys don’t even try to work together at the beginning of the game anymore and target each other immediately, so one of them is very likely to see an elimination round early.

With how the cast looks, it seems like Bananas has more friends on the US side.

Bananas obviously has his boy Leroy, and I would bet he has Jordan, Tori and Laurel on his side as well. Wes most likely has Zach, Paulie and maybe Cara (her and Bananas’ friendship is on the rocks due to her relationship with Paulie).

There’s a lot of people like Kam, Ashley M and Nany who could go either way, but my guess would be that more people side with Bananas on this season since Wes had such a dominant game on War of the Worlds.

4. How Does Kyle Fit In On Team UK?

The man who arguably has the best social game on the show today might have his work cut out for him on season 34.

Despite being on Team UK, he has called himself an honorary American and has historically been closer to people like Zach and Bananas than the Brits. He was on the outside of the Bear/Theo/Georgia alliance last season, and while he has relationships with Joss, Kayleigh and Nicole, it might be hard for him to have much agency in this game.

But knowing Kyle, it wouldn’t shock me to see him charm his way to the top.

3. Where Does Zach Stand?

I was honestly shocked to see Zach on this cast after how bad season 33 was for him. He once again treated Jenna poorly, badmouthed Cara Maria and ended their longtime friendship, and got caught up in an ugly feud with Bananas/Leroy and Wes.

I still don’t really know what really happened with Zach on War of the Worlds and if he actually was working with Wes or not, but clearly his head wasn’t in the game. It’s hard to imagine Bananas and Zach working together after how icy their relationship was at the reunion, so Zach might have no choice but to be fully in Wes’ corner this season.

But with no Jenna on this season, this might be the loneliest Zach has ever been in a Challenge house, as he doesn’t have many friends outside of Kyle, Wes, Nany and Zahida.

2. Will Bear/Georgia/Theo Continue to Run the UK Again?

These three were all big stars on War of the Worlds, as their Fantastic Four alliance (along with Ash Cain) dominated the early part of the season.

As inexperienced as the UK team is, it’s fair to reason that Bear, Georgia and Theo will be the top dogs.

Of course, Bear and Georgia’s volatile relationship could get in the way, and Bear is inevitably going to piss off half the house at one point or another.

I expect them all to be major factors on the season and be pulling the strings on the UK team.

1. The Return of Jordan and Laurel

Two of the greatest competitors in the history of the show make their return on War of the Worlds 2.

The last time we saw them, Jordan was winning Dirty 30 on a torn up knee after crash landing out of a helicopter, while Laurel was destroying Britni as a mercenary on Vendettas (her last proper season was Invasion).

We already know that Jordan will be making noise this season by proposing to Tori, and the dynamic between longtime frenemies Laurel and Cara will be fascinating.

These two already have sterling legacies on the show, and can add to their resume on this season. Laurel is already my female GOAT and can tie Paula and Sarah for the second-most finals for a female in Challenge history with five.

Jordan is number eight in my all-time rankings, and a win would probably put him in my top three. He’d be one of just five men to have ever win three consecutive seasons (with Jamie Murray, Darrell, Derrick K and Kenny), and he’d be the only one to have two of those victories be in a partner/individual format.

With neither of them having been on the show in awhile, I can’t wait to see who they align with and if they are still the same top-level competitors they have been in the past.

War of the Worlds 2 is almost here people.

As Devin would say, “LET’S GO!”