

heres where i truly know ima junkie. this is the hardest thing for me to ever admit to anyone, my grandfather who raised me since i was about 4 (my mom and i lived with him and my grandma) was dying of throat cancer. i would stop in and see him here and there, he lived in union city. one day i went to visit him and every one in the house was gone including him. i knew he had passed cause he had one of those hospital beds in his room and never left it. so i knew he passed away and i sat in the room crying for a while and then some sick voice in my head said "check his pill bottles i bet hes got vic's" and he did and i took the bottle on my way out. <---that moment will haunt me forever. words dont describe the shame.





PART 4: HOW TO RACK UP A $1,000 TAB WITH THE HELLS ANGELS

kodoggs measly fuckin debt he owes a few people reminded me of the time i owed roughly a thousand bucks to the red and white. at the time i was working at a tire shop in town and bouncing at irelands 32 in SF. irelands 32 is a cool ass irish bar out there that the HA frequented. the member i met lived out my way and had a mean hook on oxy's. seeing as how we were all white/irish/ and big ass whiteboys i fit right in and was trusted within their circle.oxy purchases were daily and it got to the point where he asked if i needed anything and i told him i was broke and he said "dont worry bro i'll put it on your tab". and there you have it, oxy on credit and life was good. workin on cars dont pay the bills like it used to and i was literally handing over my checks to this guy cause i wouild run up a 400-500 dollar tab in a week. well one time a week turned into 2 weeks and i was all outta pills and called him up and he said " bro you know were at a thousand right? are you sure you can pay this? cause i cant front you til you pay this." i assured him i would have the loot that friday no problem. friday came and i had about 600 bucks. what do i do? remember ive got no pills. i go and cop some from someone else. now i got a grip of oc's no money and my good friend is leaving some very nasty voice messages on my cell phone. so i popped a buncha pills and got the courage and called him up. he answered the phone literally sayin "rich i dont wanna kill you over a thousand bucks". most threats like that are pretty much empty and if the average guy says that to me i'd probably samck em, but this was no idle threat from some asshole, this guy meant business. i called my brother in law and he loaned me the cash and i payed up. moral of the story- dont get fronted





tuesdays,thursdays ive heard they do warrant sweeps and seen it first hand on a thursday. you know the hills a crazy place. i just went back there TODAY (yeah i know i just warned everyone and shit but hey im a junkie fuck.) and it was all good. and yeah gas i know bout the substation, thats been there for a while, but even still that place was like the wild west. the thing i liked about the hill back in the good ol' days was the simple fact that all the degenerate junkies had a code they followed strictly. they would always yell if there was a family with kids walking up and everyone would put their shit up while the family walked by. they would never smoke crack in front of the kindergarten school right next to that old ass church. they were over all well mannered junkies and crackheads. i actually saw on a few occasions a crack head get beat up by his fellow crackheads for not following the "code".

BUT I DID LEARN SOMETHING TODAY THAT COULD BE USEFUL TO ANYONE: apparently the fandanglers are painting pills that are about the same size and shape as OC's (both original and generic) and ripping people off. so just another buyer beware. theyre real slick about it too, they'll show you one REAL oc then when you ahnd them the money they give ya 3 fakes.

just lookin out for my fellow pill hunters.

OH BY THE WAY- i had to go to the hill today cause my good friend hoodratmatt bought every last methadone pill from the guy i usually get them from. isnt that cute? i'm nice enough to hook mat up with this guy adn how does he return the favor? he fucks me.









yesterday i got blood work back. i contracted hep c. not sure how i got it. it couldve been from all the unprotected sex. it couldve been all the homemade tattoos. it probably was the needle play. i'm no stranger to the local shooting gallery and love blood play. my doc told me yesterday that my liver is like swiss cheese at this point and HOPEFULLY it will regenerate a portion back. i can remember half of the shit i did while gone off benzo's and H and painkillers. maybe i didnt practice safe needle use like i "thought" i did. towards the end of this last run (and arson can vouch for this as he saw it first hand two times at least) i suffered from horrible delirium tremens (d.t's), to the point i dropped the cooker cause i was shaking uncontrollably while trying to fix. and to think i was worried about wasted dope spilt on the carpet. next up is an aids test. the blood work was just a routine check up on my organs cause of the massive amounts of shit i was taking. i never thought it was gonna play out like this. you ever get that real sick feeling you get when you hear bad news? ya. times it by about ten.



ima keep it real gentlemen. i just got off the phone with my dear friend that ive know for 17 years in real life g-dubb/ both in tears. im HIV positive. im at a loss of words. thid post is tear filled

gentlemen, like i told a close friend. please take heed and thank me for going through this so you dont have to make the same mistakes i did. if you wouldve asked me when i was 20 if i was gonna be an addict i wouldve laughed in your face. welcome the reality after ten years of avoiding it at all costs.

this is not a pity party. im not looking for sympathy. just stating facts. cause i now understand the pros and cons of living the lifestyle i did