WASHINGTON—Amid the continuing debate over the upcoming “fiscal cliff,” sources close to House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) confirmed Monday that he simply wants his wife, Deborah, to listen to his budget proposal and “isn’t in the mood for a debate” over her suggestions for alternative ways to reduce the federal deficit. “Hey, honey, would you please stop throwing in your own ideas and just listen to what I’m saying, okay? I know what I’m doing here,” said Boehner, who reportedly grew increasingly frustrated as his spouse interjected various ideas for closing loopholes, limiting deductions, and scaling back health care costs in order to trim the government’s $16 trillion debt. “Don’t you think I would have thought of lowering marginal tax rates? If you just let me talk for two seconds—Debbie…Debbie, please!—if you just let me finish, you’ll see that I already considered lower marginal tax rates as well as raising the rates of capital gains and dividends, and it doesn’t work. The revenue doesn’t add up, and—see, I’m trying to explain it to you, but you won’t listen.” At press time, after hearing his wife’s lengthy argument, Boehner was forced to concede that her suggestion to institute a gradual increase in the Medicare eligibility age was “a pretty good idea,” although “similar to an idea I already had, actually.”

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