WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump announced today that he was relieved and thankful that projections were wrong and that Hurricane Dorian largely spared South Alabama, which the president had just announced was the new name of the former state of Florida.



“We’re all very relieved that Dorian didn’t make landfall in South Alabama as was expected.” Said Trump. “We only have some light damage from huge amounts of wind and rain along the South Alabama shore.” When asked why he was referring to Florida as “South Alabama” Trump produced the following document, which he claims is the original constitution for the state formerly known as Florida, and said it had just been discovered in a file cabinet in Tallahassee, SA the previous day and had been misfiled back in 1838 when South Alabama applied for statehood and an earlier draft had been mistakenly submitted to Congress.

Trump said that under these circumstances, he was also renaming the state of Alabama to North Alabama, to avoid confusion going forward. But he also wanted to make it clear that he didn’t misspeak late last week when he said Hurricane Dorian might make landfall in Alabama. “Clearly, I was right and the fake news media was wrong, folks. We got lucky and everyone else, including Fox News, didn’t want people to know how close Alabama was to disaster. Shameful.”

As for the people of Florida/South Alabama, they didn’t seem to mind the name change saying “Yeah, it kinda fits.”

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