Picture this: You’ve told your best friend all about the person who has caught your eye at school. In fact, you’ve poured over details of your conversations, analyzed text messages together, and even strategized ways to confess your feelings (in the most chill way possible, of course). Then, all of a sudden, it happens. Your BFF starts dating that person that you had already expressed interest in. What gives?

Unfortunately, it’s a situation that’s rather common, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. It can easily leave you feeling hurt, confused, betrayed, and angry all at once — and understandably so. Not only are you dealing with the fact that someone else is dating the person you like, but that someone is your best friend. There’s a lot of layers to that kind of pain, and it’s not necessarily easy to deal with.

Teen Vogue teamed up with licensed counselor Lauren Hasha to bring you some tips for coping with this very scenario. Ahead, find out how you can deal with this type of situation and move forward to mend what might be a broken heart.

1. Know that all of your feelings are okay.

It can be easy to second-guess your emotions and wonder if you’re being overdramatic, but Hasha wants you to know that no matter what you’re feeling, it’s completely understandable. “Feelings like anger, hurt, jealousy, mistrust, sadness, and loss are totally expected in a situation like this,” she explains, with the reminder that we’re all unique, and therefore experience negative situations in different ways.

2. But it’s not okay to necessarily act on some of those feelings.

When people are overwhelmed with feelings like anger, hurt, or jealousy, it can be tempting to lash out. But Hasha urges everyone to keep in mind that talking and communicating is much more effective than doing something you might regret. “Don't go key your friend's car or spread malicious rumors about them,” she advises while letting us know that “it is normal to experience a full range of complex emotions.”

3. Try talking it out with your friend, especially if they knew you liked the person.

If you had spent a lot of time chatting with your BFF about your crush, it can feel extra confusing if something starts brewing between them. In Hasha’s opinion, it’s completely acceptable for you to communicate that hurt, but she advises to “stay away from accusatory statements like ‘You totally stabbed me in the back!’” She notes that accusing your friend like this might make them defensive.

As an alternative, try saying something like: “I felt hurt when I saw the news of you and [name of person] dating, because I had communicated my feelings about that person to you.” Hasha also suggests sharing what you would have liked to see happen instead, such as: “It would have been helpful for me if you had talked to me about it first, to give me time to process before you guys started openly dating.”

4. If for some reason your friend didn’t know that you liked this person, you’ll probably need to have a different kind of conversation — but it’s still super-important to communicate.

According to Hasha, any type of communication is better than none at all. If your friend wasn’t aware of your crush, you might need to explain where you’re coming from a bit more, but it’s still a good idea to share. She suggests leading with the following: “Hey, I'm not sure if you knew, but I really liked [name of person]. I'm happy that you two seem to have found happiness together, but please understand it may take some time for me to feel comfortable with it.”