Man takes compassionate leave after seeing infinity War

Simon Williams has told his employers he ‘doesn’t feel so good and doesn’t want to go to work” after seeing Infinity War at the local cinema last night.

Simon has asked his doctor to sign him off with stress and shock after watching the film, which friends say reduced him to a blubbering wreck.

“We went to the cinema as a group, excited to see the latest Marvel instalment, but Simon just wasn’t prepared, emotionally or otherwise, and it showed the moment we left and he went into shock,” his friends told us.

“We did all the things you’re supposed to do when someone is in shock; we got him to lie down with his feet elevated and had him drink hot sugary tea, but it took him several hours to stop whimpering ‘The horror, the horror’.

“He is still having flashbacks like he was in ‘Nam or something. He’d mentioned to colleagues he was going to see the film, and when his boss asked him if it was any good he just shouted ‘You don’t know, man, you weren’t there!’”

Simon, who has since founded the Infinity War Veterans Association to similarly suffering individuals, said that the cost of war should never be underestimated, especially when you’ve just spent over two hundred quid on merchandise.

“He’s having a hard time, definitely, so I tried to calm him down with a nice shoulder massage,” one friend told us, “but maybe I should have gone for the head.

”Oh, damn, that’s set him off again.”