Is the Term “Lesbian” Outdated?

With more and more people identifying as queer, what do people think of the word lesbian now?

(Image by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash)

“The term lesbian doesn’t feel inclusive.”

A queer friend of mine said that when I asked her about the word ‘lesbian.’ I began to feel curious about how people who identified as LGBTQIA+ felt about the word ‘lesbian’ in 2019 here in Australia. Is it true that the term isn’t inclusive these days? What do people think of the word ‘lesbian’? What do lesbians think of the word ‘queer’?

Queer

There are many people who identify as queer, the people I know who identify with this label seem to be aged 30 and under. I have noticed that those who identify as queer are also city dwellers. I grew up in a small country town, and nobody identified as queer, let alone throw the term around (other than the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy). So what exactly does the word ‘queer’ mean nowadays? Minus18 states that the term ‘queer’ is an umbrella term. Their website states:

“It encompasses a wide range of identities, and doesn’t risk excluding groups that the acronym may leave out.”

When I moved to the city in 2012, I used to go to ‘gay clubs’ and I never met anybody who identified as queer in those spaces. People seemed to identify with the three original labels: gay, bisexual, or lesbian. Fast-forward to 2018, I noticed that more and more people I met who were around my age and below, were identifying as queer. I had a small handful of friends who identified as proud lesbians, but it seemed that those who identified as queer did not relate to people who identified as lesbians (and vice versa).

Thoughts on the L word

I decided to ask a few different people what they though about the word lesbian. A young woman, who identified as ‘gay’, said that she didn’t like the word lesbian because it felt “too full on and intense.” I chatted with a young trans-man about it who identified as straight, and he said that the word lesbian reminded him of “an older butch woman,” his female friend agreed. I found these answers interesting. I met with a non-binary, queer identifying friend over coffee to discuss this further. I spoke with them about their views on the topic, and they felt that “being a lesbian means something different.”

They went on to say that lesbians aren’t as inclusive of queer people.

I asked what they meant by this, and they said they felt that those who identify as lesbian don’t seem as understanding around queer people’s sexual fluidity because they are just attracted to the one gender. My friend felt it was a very limiting label and didn’t feel like they could relate to ‘lesbians.’ They stated that, in their experience, lesbians were more judgemental than queer people around sexuality being fluid rather than black and white. They also felt that lesbians were too into feminism. Interestingly, a lot of my lesbian friends are and I haven’t met many queer identifying people who are feminists.

(Image by Tristan Billet on Unsplash)

The other side of the fence

Now, as someone who used to solidly identify as a lesbian (sometimes I still do, other times I say “I’m just me!”) I wanted to ask a few people who identified as lesbians what they thought of the word queer. My opinion is, Whatever, times are changing. The lesbians I asked, some didn’t care about the term, some didn’t relate to the label and some thought it was just a new “trend”. A young woman said that she felt that dating queer identifying people was challenging as they did not have the same ideas around relationships. This woman preferred monogamy (a few other lesbians I know also feel the same), and she felt that the queer people she dated were more into open relationships. Another woman felt that non-binary people “aren’t giving power to feminism” because some don’t identify as ‘women.’ She said that all the hard work women have done over the years was taken advantage of by those who identify as non-binary. I think that’s a totally different conversation, but I thought I’d add it in anyway. Lastly, I knew a woman, 37, who identified as a lesbian who preferred dating non-binary/trans* people.

Choose your own label

I’m not sure what people’s thoughts are around labels in other countries, but I have enjoyed getting the opinions of both sides here in Australia. I find it interesting what different labels represent to different people. I don’t believe the term ‘lesbian’ is outdated, but I do feel that the way people see the word has shifted a little bit now with the word queer being used a lot more. In my work with teenagers, I can tell that the younger generation are identifying less with the word ‘lesbian.’ It doesn’t mean the term is not valid anymore, people can identify as whatever they want. Be whoever you want to be, it’s 2019!