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Ladies and gentlemen, can you believe it’s been two years since I first blogged about the PURR Cat Cafe? It was honestly the most time consuming, yet satisfying blog series I’ve ever published on Turtleboy Sports, and I’ve had some doozies. Tomorrow we bring you an update on what appears to be the the official end of this saga. But before that I wanted to have the entire four part series in one place, which is why I have published this really, really, really long blog. If you started riding the turtle after October 2017 and haven’t read this one, it’s probably the most referenced blog we’ve ever published, so catch up so you don’t miss out on the inside jokes.

Meow. Meow. Purr.

Part 1

I want you to imagine a woman so far gone that she starts typing on her business page, threatening to sue her haters, as her cat.

I’m not embellishing. This is real life.

Quick note: In my year working here, and my several decades on this planet, I have never seen anything like this story. I almost can’t believe it’s happening down the street in Brighton.

Buckle up Turtles, we’re going for a trip down batshit-fuckall-crazy highway.

To make things easier for the readers I’m breaking this blog in to several parts because of how much has transpired. It took me all week to gain a firm grasp on the level of coo-coo nutfucks you’re about to read. Just when you think you’ve seen the craziest shit you’ve ever seen – the owner takes it to a new level one flew over the litter box.

There is no way, short of a snowstorm or being bedridden, you’ll be able to get through it all with your morning coffee, lunch break, or even ignoring your kids during dinner. I’ll be publishing the additional parts each morning at seven and linking them to this article. I also broke the blogs themselves in to chapters for easy following. This is the first professional telling of this saga. Some of the local papers have made bland mentions of what has happened, mostly reporting about the owner delaying the opening date like 900 times. Others have captured it through screenshots on IMGUR, Reddit and Tumblr. (Thanks Michelle!) We’re the first ones to organize it into a fluid piece. The quality of some of the pictures is less than optimal as they have been screenshot so many times they look a little fuzzy. Diane deactivated the PURR Facebook page after Turtleboy was tagged. I’ll let you know if she returns.

What The Hell Is A Cat Cafe?

Now, before I get to the good part, I should probably explain the type of business this story is centered around. I found myself confused when people started sending it in because I had never heard of the concept.

There is a growing trend of people opening up what they call “Cat Cafes.” They originated in Thailand and quickly gained popularity in the UK and US. The idea is to find a storefront, fill it with comfortable places to sit, have a cup of coffee, possibly a muffin, and play with adoptable cats. You pay an hourly fee and that’s how the business is supposed to generate revenue. The cats, from what I’m told, are usually provided though a partnership with local rescues and are typically all up for adoption. It’s supposed to give people a nice place to hang out while introducing the cats to prospective families. It requires the business and rescues to work together as the business can’t adopt out the cats to families.

There wasn’t a cat cafe anywhere in Boston. So when Diane Kelly (the insane hag starring in this blog) announced she was opening one in Brighton – people, namely self-proclaimed crazy cat people, were excited. Cat yoga? Cat speed dating? CAT CRAFTS!? Meow exciting!

Sarcasm aside, I can’t knock the premise even though I’m not a cat person. They make me itchy and don’t have eyebrows – they just have shit sticking out of their face. Regardless of my own preference for woofers, I can easily get behind anything that safely gives homeless animals the opportunity to belong to someone and feel loved. I don’t think I’d be wild about food being served with cats walking around, as they shed and walk in litter boxes, but they could make a designated area to avoid the food safety issues. It’s possible. Many cat cafes around the world are doing it successfully as we speak.

Now that you’re aware of what the business is supposed to be – let me tell you about how PURR in Brighton turned in to the most glorious dumpster fire of “holy crap this can’t be real” I’ve ever seen – EVEN BEFORE opening it’s doors.

How To Fail Before You Even Begin

Diane Kelly, the owner of this soon-to-fail business, is from Hull and she spent her life in the medical field. She admits to having no animal experience at all. Well, outside of calling herself a “CATenthusiast.”

I wonder if that comes with a certificate or something? My guess is it’s probably just the consolation prize of a lonely life, suffering feverishly through menopause, with nothing but merlot-stained teeth and a lint brush to keep you company.

Diane seems to have had a midlife crisis, left her job of 20 plus years, and took off to North Carolina to learn how to groom critters. When that didn’t work out she started looking for something else. She says she had visited a cat cafe in New York, where she adopted one of her feline companions, and the experience inspired her to start a cafe of her own in the hipster den that is Brighton.

She managed to get her storefront going and began hiring experienced staff – picking people who had years of knowledge of cat health, needs, and behavior.

She then began a relationship with a cat rescue called Boston Forgotten Felines (BFF). She would provide the cafe, including a happy and safe place for the cats to temporarily live, in return, the rescue would bring the animals in. PURR started a partnership with Aristocat Designs, a luxury cat furniture company, to provide scratch towers and other fun structures for the furpals.

As far as Diane’s plan for food and beverages to be served? Welp, unlike every other cat Cafe on the planet, she said didn’t have one. Her webpage stated at least beverages, such as tea and coffee, would be offered. Instead, she claimed to make partnerships with surrounding restaurants, with the idea the staff would order your food for you (or some shit) and have it delivered. Yes, I’m aware of how poorly thought out and fucking awkward that is. Please remind yourself we aren’t dealing with a sane person with business experience here.

There was supposed to be two parts of the cafe. The storefront, which served customers and allowed them to interact with the cats – and the basement, that was meant to be a cozy environment for the animals to hide away if they had enough of people.

The cafe upper-level came together fine. I mean… sure, it looked like a Claire’s store from the 90’s puked it up, with enough hot pink and tiger patterns to make Gwen Stefani, in her No Doubt days, wince – but at least it happened.

The downstairs, however, was cold, barren, unwelcoming, unsafe, and completely unsuitable for cats to live in, according to the cat specialists Diane had hired. Cats could crawl behind laundry machines, in to the unfinished ceiling, through holes in the drywall, and would be walking around on cold cement floors. There was no heat, adequate shelter, bed, towers, windows, or toys.

No matter what anyone said to Diane, or how many times she promised it was a work in progress, she wouldn’t fix the basement. She would lie and deflect when asked online. Promise pictures and never come through.

My guess is her refusal to complete the basement was a combined issue of her total lack of understanding when it came to animal needs and business knowledge and/or she ran out of money buying cutsie dumb shit for the upstairs.

It’s my belief this is why she, even though she’s not a nonprofit, started a GoFundMe and IndieGoGo campaign for $40k. Basically she needed everything under the sun to open the business, from employee wages to cat food, litter to cash registers, and she wanted EVERYONE ELSE to pay for it.

I should also mention that she actually enlisted the help of volunteers, as in paid them nothing, even though she was a for-profit business. She preyed upon people’s desire to help cats for her own greed.

Don’t worry! You’ll get a sticker and free admission to a business that will probably never open as a thank you for donating!

Mind you, the campaigns only garnered a little over $8k – and that was before contributors began demanding refunds from the crowdfunding site for their donations. Seems they didn’t like the buzz on the street and never got their promised items for donating.

Diane even began an ask me anything site to answer questions about the IndieGoGo campaign and the cafe but, once the hard questions started coming in, she locked it.

So much for full disclosure! Just give her your money and keep your mouths shut. The negativity is negative! Oh the humanity!

Meow. Meow. WTF. PURR.

Diane would post these “exciting pictures” of the cafe in progress, saying they were going to open soon. Each time she would give a date for the big opening – she’d cancel it and push it back further. Even when she would post an open house, people would show up, and the place would be dark. She never even notified people of her canceling. You can imagine how well that went over.

She aggressively tried to get people to buy gift cards and admission ahead of time when she had no idea when customers could actually use them and had no point of sale equipment to swipe them with.

It became apparent there was something wrong. There was – homegirl didn’t have any rescue cats at the cat cafe.

The only animals present to hang out with, if she ever opened, were her own cats and not up for adoption. She DID manage to get three foster cats to start from Boston’s Forgotten Felines but that was short-lived.

When folks from the rescue saw the basement, when they were dropping off the rescue cats, they were appalled.

Until the basement was habitable there was no way they would give her more.

Without the cats, her cafe was nothing more than a barren, pink, nightmare.

Diane grew angry and frustrated the rescue wasn’t coughing up animals for her. Why would they when she wasn’t fulfilling her end of the deal?

Diane didn’t seem to understand the responsibilities of a rescue are to the welfare of the animals, as they should be, and not to make sure Diane’s bismuth-colored abomination was filled to the brim with homeless critters. BFF couldn’t, in all good conscious, leave more cats with her.

This displeased Diane, who her cats refer to as “The Crazy Hooman” when they are updating the company social media page, and she (or the cats) began to post about being bullied and blaming her failures on everyone else. Most people, even a typical domesticated feline with the magic ability to type, would do this in private. Not Diane and clearly not her cats.

Because Diane wasn’t getting what she wanted, she allegedly told Boston’s Forgotten Felines to “fuck off” several times, complained about them being unreliable, broke their partnership, and decided to go with another shelter. This was despite warnings from her staff about this being a huge mistake.

Once she did – BFF came and confiscated the three cats they had left with PURR.

The rescue professionally remained quiet as to why they broke ties.

Diane’s brilliant idea was to trash them all over social media.

Regardless of Diane’s obnoxious deflections – her website and IndieGoGo claimed she was still partnered with BFF. This pissed people off since this false information was one of the reasons people donated to the campaign. There was no way the cafe could be successful if it didn’t have cats.

Cats, Lies, and Video Tape

Diane’s lack of professionalism caused people to question what the hell was going on, the truth vs lies, and her responses became more and more … well… Jesus, I don’t even have a word for it. Unprofessionally frantic? Completely and totally psychotic break-ish? Immaturely Manic? Take your pick. It seemed to many people that she was drinking a box (or five) of wine before jumping on social media.

Little did we know that things were far more unhinged than we originally thought. Diane’s most recent General Manager, Kathleen Grace, who quit on August 18th, had enough of watching the CATenthusiast bullshit her way though making people think the cafe was gearing towards success, opening soon, and safely swimming in cats.

Kathleen, who is still owed upwards of $2k in unpaid wages, is the reason we know the true story of everything you just read. She made a damning statement that Diane tried to delete. Needless to say – all hell broke loose.

Yes, Diane is a very smart business woman. Who wouldn’t want to pay to sit in the equivalent of a thirteen year-old girl’s locked bedroom, play with her cats, and starve?

It actually reminds me of a business plan Elmira from Tiny Toons would put together.

When Diane’s response was to deny, insult, and name call instead of owning up to what she stood accused of, Kathleen took to her own page to prove what she had witnessed.

Kathleen clearly had enough of the shit. Diane continued to deflect all of the accusations, going as far as to delete legitimate questions, and stating that she would only speak to the media or over the phone to answer questions.

Diane chose to push forward – thinking if she just kept posting happy crap the wolves on social media would just go away. She was brutally wrong and began telling lie after lie in an effort to get them to bugger off and donate more money.

The first lie she was caught in was when she claimed she has solidified a new rescue. Little did she know the entire cat rescue community had turned their backs on her. Not a single rescue would touch her with a ten foot pole.

When that didn’t work, she came up with a great solution to force people to believe she had found a rescue:

She had ripped a kitten picture off of Google and claimed that she had rescued it. It’s too bad that a reverse search showed the kitten was from a Arizona rescue circa 2002.

Can we just take a second and acknowledge how absolutely bonkers that is? WHO DOES THAT?

Someone, probably one of the last employees left standing, must have permeated Diane’s thick skull after the blow back of the Polka Dot fib fiasco, and took control of the social media immediately after that. For a split second there was a moment of professionalism. As you can see there is no talking as a cat or insane MEOW MEOW PURR. Just someone making sense.

People weren’t fooled. They hadn’t had their questions about the welfare of the cats answered. The person behind the status update told everyone that they wanted to hear. PURR, unsurprisingly, didn’t follow through.

Then, after what I’d like to imagine was a fight to the death for control of the Facebook page, with Diane swinging a pink fuzzy machete, screaming MEOW MEOW PURR as she rubbed catnip on her snatch and beat her fists on her bare chest, the professional being, who had given so many people hope things were back on track, was gone. Gussie, Diane’s cat, had regained control of PURR’s social media and came back with a furry pissed-off vengeance.

The cat people, who had been following the business with bated breath, lost their fucking minds with anger. BFF is registered with the Commonwealth. Because Diane was looking for any way out of taking responsibility for her own demise, by sacrificing the welfare of animals for profit, she tried to throw a legitimate rescue under the bus with an enormous lie.

You’d think Diane would call it quits after getting called out on her latest lie.

Nope.

Gussie the cat, now claiming he was his owner’s representation and she had spent his college fund (SCREAM) on the cafe, was going to sue. The cat had been taking screenshots to prove that the business was being harrased – after his owner spent the previous week lying about everything and trashing a legitimate rescue.

I. Meow. Kid. You. Meow. Fucking. Not. Purr.

The only inaccurate statements on their page were from Diane herself.

When I first began reading about this debacle I had to pick my jaw out of my lap after this last part. I couldn’t believe a woman had such huge potential for a business and lit it on fire. I thought there was no way it could possibly get any worse.

I have never EVER been more wrong in my life.

We will watch Diane slut-shaming her former manager, apologize for it, slut-shame her again, apologize again, threaten to sue her, find out she tried to send her staff to lie to the MSPCA and fake-adopt animals to fill the cafe, threaten to close the business (no meow, meow, purr for Boston!) for good, take a peek inside what it was like working for crazy Diane through hysterical emails I shouldn’t have laughed at but did, and how she partnered with a guy who thinks gassing Jews is funny.

Part 2

When I left you guys yesterday the owner of Boston’s PURR Cat Cafe, Diane Kelly, had hit a point you don’t return from. She, probably in a drunken stuper, had threatened to sue anyone challenging her business, typing as her cat Gus.

People had called her out on several lies, watched at she self-destucted her own business, and became the laughing stock of the Internet before even opening her doors.

This tail (pun) of doom wasn’t even close to over yet.

Meow. Cough. You’re a Slut.

After people stopped scream-laugh face-palming at the “cat is gonna sue” post – Diane tried to go back to posting a united, yet horribly fake, front for anyone who was following her page. Seeing that she didn’t have any updated photos of progress (including staff, the basement, a rescue partnership, or a single foster cat) she began to use recycled pictures of better times in hopes of making people think things were fine.

Not a single person was buying it and they all continued pushing for answers each time Diane tried to blow smoke up their asses. One such post was from some odd event on Boston Common called “Caturday.”

It was clearly written to show PURR had many staff members and supporters. It claimed to speak for everyone in the picture.

There was only one problem. No one, with the exception of Diane, was actually still associated with Purr. Kathleen, PURR’s former manager, was rightfully bullshit when she saw her former boss, who still owed her $2k in wages, posting her picture and speaking as if she was still part of the team. Once again, Kathleen decided to publicly clarify.

Diane, who you’ll remember claimed to be smart business woman, opted not to remove the photo. Instead, felt publicly slut-shaming her former employee, and opening herself up to a discrimination lawsuit, was a better course of action.

Jaw+Lap =Zomg.

My inner-diva actually cocked my head, snapped my fingers, and said “oh noooo she diduuuunt.”

You know what? I personally could never open up my relationship. (Well, unless Mr. Turtlegirl finds some chick to plow that does the dishes and folds the laundry, in which case, consider my relationship wide open and taking applications.)

Does that mean I give a flying crap about what other people do in their lives? Nope.

Does it mean I wouldn’t hire someone because of it? Double nope.

Does that mean I would publicly call them out if they had pissed me off even though that’s my job? Triple nope.

The only reason why Diane decided to blast Kathleen for her personal relationship choices was out of spite. Nothing else. Dianw was probably a little jelly that Kathleen could land two dudes when she clearly couldn’t land one. Diane took what she knew about Kathleen and tried to use it as a weapon. It backfired and only made her look like an even bigger asshole. After this stunt, Kathleen said two more employees sent her messages stating they had quit as soon as they saw Diane had written.

WE HAVE NO CATS KATHLEEN!

It was no surprise that Kathleen took the gloves off. Her clap back was nothing short of applaudable.

Next comes possibly my favorite part. Kathleen decides to show the extent of crazy she endured while working for Diane by posting emails she had received. Kathleen claims Diane would have these flip outs, calling or sending messages in the middle of the night, and if the employee didn’t immediately answer or get back to her, she would question their dedication.

The emails begin with Kathleen trying to keep the partnership with Boston’s Forgotten Felines afloat. Diane, who still hadn’t touched the unsuitable basement, couldn’t seem to wrap her head around the fact she was at fault for the rescue not delivering the cats.

Diane is nasty with Kathleen and decides to break the partnership with BFF instead of just making the basement a proper home for the animals.

Then, in what becomes the catch phrase for this entire saga, Diane decides in an ever-so-shrill way that Kathleen doesn’t need to work at PURR. The reason?

“WE HAVE NO CATS KATHLEEN!’

When Kathleen demands the respect she deserves and asks for some protocol to be put in place for professionalism, Diane doesn’t acknowledge anything she had written. Instead, she begs Kathleen to not to quit and wafts part-ownership of the sinking business under her nose to try and keep her around.

Aside from this damning evidence that BFF had not broken their partnership and Diane had been caught in a lie – I couldn’t help but laugh. The emails were almost too much for me to handle. I could actually imagine her twitch-typing and lifting her leg to scratch her ears with her toenails as she wrote it.

Catrol. Alt. Delete

After Diane saw that she been taken down in less than three screenshots, she deactivated the PURR business page. This is a move she will repeat until the world blows up, methinks. In the last week alone Diane has deactivated and reactivated the business page no less than four times. Currently, it’s gone.

Since Diane had deactivated the page, she had to find another outlet for her anger. She decides to go after the one she blamed for this whole thing – Kathleen. Using Gussie the Cat as her legal terminology advisor, Diane accused Kathleen of “defacing” PURR, and threatened to sue.

Much to my surprise, Aimee, the PURR manager who had quit prior to Kathleen, decided it was time to break her silence. She confirm something we all suspected – Diane likes the meow-sauce.

Aimee’s next statement showed exactly how hard Diane had snapped.

-record scratch-

Wait! What was that last part again?!

You’re fucking kidding me right? Diane, who was still partnered with BFF at the time, actually tried to get her employee to scam the MSPCA to get cats for the cafe. I believe Aimee was referring to the “fee-waived” event, which is when the MSPCA doesn’t charge their usual $250 adoption fee for cats. That still means the person adopting the animal has to sign a legally-binding contract stating the signer will be in possession of the animal, subject to home inspections, pay for all healthcare, forfeit the animal back to the MSPCA if they can’t care for it or have to give it up for some reason, and if they break the contract they’re subject to a cash penalty. Gee, I wonder why Aimee turned it down?

Not to mention the possibility of cats obtained under false pretenses, being forced to live in horrible conditions, was of zero concern to Diane. Can I bring up the underlying issue of fraud here? Maybe note the state’s rigorous application process and regulation requirements she would have needed to meet to become a rescue – had she planned on pretending the cats were looking for new homes and adopting them out of the cafe. Seeing that she’s claimed a billion times that facilitating new homes for rescue cats was the main mission of PURR it seems entirely plausible

The Bitch Eating Crackers In Brighton

After a day or so away from social media Diane reactivated the PURR page. She must have felt really bad about being such a fur-burger and tried to apologize for her unprofessional comments about Kathleen.

Doubtful. It seems that the mystery PR dude didn’t die by the pink machete after all. Another battle must have ensued as a cat, saying he was rescued by Diane but had been given to friend of hers, mysteriously gained access to try and quell the hysteria and defend her.

It went over as well as a fart in church. Anything Diane, or whatever cat was typing, said had become the proverbial “bitch eating crackers.”

She tried to kiss ass by saying she was helping special needs folks and wanting to turn PURR in to a cat hair-filled food pantry.

People dissected everything she said and lobbed it back in her face. They saw through Diane’s excuse about not having “good” pictures of the basement. A professional photographer even offered to come in, free of charge, and take “good” photos for her. Diane never even acknowledged her.

This must have been when Diane had her epiphany. She was going to open PURR to the world!

She sent this email out with the announcement of an open house!

I’m not sure what Diane was looking for here. People just wanted to know the cats would be okay in a finished basement and she couldn’t even give them that. She, or whoever was dodging the questions about photos, had failed once again.

As Diane did every time she didn’t get the response she wanted – she threw a fit.

Don’t worry. Denying Boston “Meow, Meow, Purr” would last about fifteen minutes before she kept the litter box fire going. It just kept getting crazier.

Stay tuned for part three when the open house bombs, Diane slut-shames Kathleen AGAIN, is forced to apologize AGAIN, and Diane’s new partner turns out to be an actual Nazi.

Part 3

Ah, so you’ve returned for Part Three of our dramatic telling of Diane Kelly and the litter box fire that is the PURR Cat Cafe.

In case you’re joining us late, you’ve missed a whole bunch. You can catch up on the first and second parts of this thrilling shit show. As it stands, Part Four will be the finale, and will premier Saturday morning. It’s going down as the most expansive and insane blog series in the history of Turtleboy.

CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE

CLICK HERE FOR PART TWO.

Meow. Meow. PURR, Turtles. I’m your host, South Shore Turtlegirl, and I’m coming at you live after a two week-long bender of writing this freak show. The circles under my eyes are nearly as dark as my heart and I’m ready to rock and roll. Let’s go!



No Meow For You!

Diane Kelly was having a tantrum. Nothing she did seemed to appease the social media wolves. She thought that by convincing her followers it was a cat talking, and not her, people would be happy meow meow. She had never met a cat who lied to people so why didn’t they believed her? -cough- I mean the cats. (Hairball.)

All she wanted to do was force a bunch of rescue animals to live in stressful conditions, with the bare minimum necessities, and look cute so people would paid her money. What was the big fucking deal? She told those activist pricks she was going to have an open house. She showed them pictures of the pink back-alley abortion that was the upstairs! She didn’t have anything to prove to them!

With her dreams crushed, and her money as gone as the box of Franzia by her side, she made one last ditch effort for the people of Boston to love her.

She tried to gaslight them by saying Boston didn’t want a cat cafe. No meow meow purr for them. Yeah. That’ll show them!

Not so much. Those pesky haters just ran yet another train on her and demanded photos of a safe and finished basement.

Meow stomp! She had had it!

Sometime after she told everyone PURR wasn’t opening, one of her cats, or a lackey named Chandler, must have talked her back in to doing the open house. For this appeared a few hours later….

So Diane (and not her cats) would be there to answer questions? Good to know. I’m sure hucking some animals in a busy, unfamiliar, environment is totally going to work great.

Adventures In Shaming

What comes next was totally out of nowhere. If you remember from the beginning of PART TWO – Diane had called out her former manager Kathleen for having multiple sexual partners. This was in response to Kathleen asking Diane to remove her picture as she didn’t want to be associated with the cafe. Kathleen is openly polyamorous and has two boyfriends. (Again, if any dude or chick is in to that and so happens to do dishes or laundry, I’m opening my relationship up. Mr. Turtlegirl is an excellent lover and spoons like Betty Crocker. It has to be him though. I’m going to be too tired to bang for at least a few months after this blog is finished… so my fanboys and lady pond swim team need not apply. Well, unless you cook too. Then be prepared for me just laying there, yawning, as you go to town on my bits.)

It seems Diane did some digging on Kathleen and found out she was in to Kitten Play.

The concept was unfamiliar to me (as the cat cafe was) so I had to Google it. There just so happens to be a whole BDSM subculture of people who dress up and act like cats, are usually on the submissive spectrum, and have owners who collar them. Yes, it’s much more detailed than that but you’ll have to explore said kink yourself if you have questions. I’m just hoping this wasn’t the only qualification Kathleen had when she said she was a Cat Behavior Expert. Dude, animal people sure know how to go that extra mile.



Kathleen has since deleted the video. I’d ask her to explain it, for the sake of opening the conversation, but she blocked me when I reached out to her on Facebook. I really appreciated that she’d do interviews with every Boston paper, comment on Reddit and Facebook, but not help me try to navigate through this cluster fuck of drama for five minutes. Thanks dude.

Anyways, enough of me throwing shade… Diane decided, on the morning of her open house no less, it was a good idea to share the kink video Kathleen had posted to YouTube. I’m guessing in an effort to shame her. So much for that apology, eh?

It was a huge hit.

Lights, Camera. PURR.So instead of getting the cafe ready the open house (that would make or break Diane’s business) she went back to making herself look like a scathing idiot.

Diane, surprised by the backlash from her latest post, decided to play stupid and fight with her customer base. Again, this was while she should have been getting ready for the open house which was imperative for PURR to succeed.

When it came time to open the cafe for visitors Diane revealed her “finished” basement. She had gone to pet store, bought a few cat beds, scratch posts, with a handful of toys, and hurled them in the basement.

She even built a fake ass staircase with the carry home boxes to fill some space.



The open house, which was live-steamed on Facebook, was the equivalent of when a plane flushes their crapper and a frozen blue meteor of steaming frozen shit comes crashing down to earth and nearly hits a kid on a bike.

I watched the whole thing before the page was taken down. Diane was twitchy and awkward. The chick she had helping her host seemed forced and fake. Diane skirted around the hot questions and the person behind the camera ignored anything of substance asked in the comments. The Wi-Fi conveniently cut off each time they went to the basement.

Diane had brought her own cats and borrowed kittens from God only knows where. She taped up the cat door to the basement so they couldn’t escape the barrage of people.

A number of those challenging her decided to go. One live-tweeted the rigid atmosphere and issues she saw and another is the reason you’re sitting here reading this.

In the beginning of this story I mentioned a girl named Michelle who had compiled all the screenshots you’ve been reading and uploaded them to Reddit. She was in attendance and pointed out a huge safety issue.

The way the door operates doesn’t prevent the cats from escaping.



Infinite Loop Of Shame

This is going to give you whiplash. Right after the open house bombed – Diane posted yet another poorly drafted apology for slut-shaming Kathleen. Of course this was fruitless and insincere. It seemed like a bipolar reflex than anything else.

Now, I don’t agree being polyamorous (or participating in subcategories of BDSM) falls under the LGTBQ community banner. I’m not sure why she included them in her half-hearted public grovel. It just goes to show how little Diane understands and respects people.

Between the incessant shaming, and the huge sum of money Diane owed her in wages, Kathleen has said she has retained a lawyer and filed a compliment with the Attorney General.

The same lack of respect and understanding for people is what gets Diane in to her next PR nightmare. Yes, another one.

Part 4

Holy crap. Can you believe you’ve made it this far? I’m still rather stunned we’re still going here.

Yesterday, you read about how Diane Kelly of the PURR Cat Cafe botched her open house, threatened Boston with closing the cafe, and kept sex-shaming her former employee as her business figuratively burned down around her.

Mein Exciting Event

After the failure of the open house Diane began trying to get new events to happen at the Cat Cafe. There was no way she charge people to come in and play with her own cats so she invited some broad named Stephanie who wrote a book about a cat being a war hero.

Well, it’s nice to know Diane isn’t alone in her crazy.

The woman who wrote the book wasn’t the issue. Her husband, David Hines, was. David took issue with people asking logical questions and decided to go after them.

Diane backed him tirelessly.

Yeah, David sounds a bit like someone we all know by joking about Antifa basement dwellers. Diane spoke with such conviction that she almost sounded like she knew what she was talking about. It took almost no time for the social media wolves to find out how he really feels about things. You know… like Jews.

Diane, in her truest fashion, didn’t care about things shown to her. She doubled down. She even gave David a new title to replace Norman Schwarzkopf. David now commanded the Gulf War!

When no one wanted to hear from her she sent Gussie to do the typing.

Honestly, I don’t think Haines really need to apologize for his snarling political remarks on basement-dwelling cat people. Especially not because they are fragile women. I’m a chick and I can take it as much as I can dish it. I do, however, find his joking about Jews reprehensible.

I was surprised when the wishy-washy Meow Meow Purr Queen caved to public pressure.

Homegirl can’t seem to stick to anything. Not even sticking with her defense of an antisemite. Maybe that’s why she lashed out against Kathleen one more time.

I Can’t Believe She’s Doing This AGAIN

I. Can’t.

I just can’t.

I can tell you what the sexual preferences are of each of co-workers. What they look for in a person. I can tell you which of the dudes are circumcised and which ones are intact. Fuck, I can even tell you what time they poop and then tell you about how hard we laughed when one of us was sent a vibrator in our fan mail. (That was me BTW) I can tell them anything. You know why? Because we have an open and comfortable work environment. So what would I do if it took them five weeks to tell me who they’re fucking? Think it’s weird it took them so damn long.

Turtleboy Taggeth. Turtlegirl Taketh Away.

We had been tagged so much in this last post about Kathleen Diane started to turtle tweak. My homeboy Jimbo, who is absolutely Turtleboy because we are all Turtleboy, became the center of Diane’s hate and fear for us. She called Jimbo and I out in a special post. So, I started to torment her a little just because she thought to call me anti- LGTBQ.

Sweetheart, my best friends are the rainbow flag. I don’t care if they have one or fifteen current sexual partners. My family is Jewish, my brother married a brown chick, and all of us hug at my backyard cookouts. We know when to call it quits. When know how to take care of animals. We know how not to be unstable hypocrites. You’re the one who fucked up here.

Which is why I let you know I was coming for you.

… and toyed with you like a cat playing with a mouse.

So when you tried to boost yourself back up with a peppy anthem …

You deleted your Facebook page.

If you were smart you’d keep it that way. Its gone on long enough. Mostly because I’m tired of writing about your stupid shit. When people ask why you gave up – I got you covered. Just repeat after this guy…

You’re totally fine to shame this one. He’s in to it.

Meow. THE. Meow. END. Purr.

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