The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue has been trying for days to stop what he claims is anti-Catholic bigotry at a place that sells cheese.

And that’s not even the weird part.

The Bedford Cheese Shop, with two locations in New York, has this description of “Brebirousse D’Argental,” a French brie that… oh, no one cares. Here’s what the card says:

A B linens smeared silken sheep’s milk square that’s at once incredibly mild and deep in flavor at the same time. The texture is as close to heaven that we have found here on earth. Kinda like going down on mother Teresa herself, divine. Pair with a mineral rich burgundy and 5 Hail Marys.

That’s what most people would refer to as a “joke.”

It’s not even really offensive. I mean… at least they said she’s “divine,” right? That doesn’t even qualify as anti-Catholic. Hell, it’s a compliment, really. But while she’s a public figure, I could at least understand why some people might think it goes too far. If someone said they found that to be in poor taste and said as much, I would get it.

But Donohue, as usual, turned his anger knob to 11.

If the Bedford Cheese Shop did this to some other religious figure, the owner would be in serious trouble. But she chose to defile Mother Teresa, which is why there will be no physical retaliation. They should nonetheless be punished by everyone, not just Catholics: a boycott is in order.

Donohue wants to put the store out of business because his sense of humor doesn’t match up with the store owner’s. (Though I would totally buy some mozzarAllah.)

This is the exchange they had the following day, according to Donohue:

At exactly 3:16 p.m., I emailed the Bedford Cheese Shop saying, “What you have done to Mother Teresa is vile. Please remove and apologize to Catholics.” At exactly 3:16 p.m., we received the following email from the store: “We have received your email regarding the cheese description. Please be aware that the sign was taken down. Have a blessed day.”

There you go. The cheese store took down the sign. No big deal. This controversy is over, right?

Of course not. This is Bill Donohue. Without something to complain about, he has no purpose in life. And how’s he supposed to fundraise when a cheese shop calmly removes the thing he doesn’t like?

So he kept it going.

Our missives must have crossed in the mail. Only half of what I requested has been honored. An apology is still needed.

Just to be clear: He wanted an apology because a cheese shop said giving Mother Teresa cunnilingus would be divine.

(I only get to write that sentence once every few weeks, so it’s important to savor it.)

The shop was already apologizing, though. Not long after that email exchange occurred, here’s how the owner was responding to all of Donohue’s followers who were sending nasty emails to the shop:

“We have received your email regarding the cheese description. Please be aware that the sign was taken down. We sincerely apologize for any hurt or anger, none of which was intentional. We hope you have a blessed day.”

That’s not bad, but it also doesn’t involve much groveling or an acknowledgment that they made a grave mistake, so it wasn’t good enough for Donohue. That’s why he kept it going.

This is a lie — it was intentional. No matter, they got the message. Their decision not to send me the statement of apology was purely political: they did not want to appear as if they lost. But they did, and everyone knows it, including them. Thanks to all who contacted the bigots. Your input is invaluable.

Jesus… He acts like the owner sat down and tried to think of the best way to take down the Catholic Church, only to settle on an edgy description of cheese. This wasn’t political. This wasn’t intentional. It was a joke. Even if you believe it crossed a line, the owner removed it almost immediately, and that should’ve been the end of it.

It’s amazing how Donohue claims to stand up for the Church while never once acting like Jesus. Forgiveness is never an option for him. Bullying is his preferred method for spreading the love of Christ.