Funky butt-lovin' the Best & Worst is back!

It's been nearly three weeks since I've last written about the Chiefs and I think I (blissfully) forgot how truly awful the team really was.

I mean, I thought we actually had a chance this week. You know, coming off a bye week. Playing one of the five worst teams in football. At home. The healthiest the team has been all season. A crowd that was extra drunk fired up.

But then the Chiefs happened.

Then Stanford Routt happened. And then Javier Arenas happened. Matt Cassel happened. Steve Breaston made a cameo, and then happened. And then Stanford Routt happened again. And then Stanford Routt happened again (whoops! you already tweeted that…).

And then the most Chiefs play of all happened: Offsides on a missed field goal attempt. Winner.

(However, maybe throwing an INT on the first play of the game is more Chiefy stinky. A play so Chiefs that the Chiefs couldn't even do it right. Although, it wouldn't surprise me if they had that play copyrighted, and sued the Raiders for infringement.)

Oh, it's difficult not to laugh at them (with them?) at this point.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!

The Best And Worst With: His Dirkness

Worst team in the National. Football. League. - The Griefs. The debates are over. The polls are closed. I don't remember ever being the worst team in football. I remember being one of the worst throughout the Herm years, but never THE WORST. Scott Pioli is the easiest to blame for this, mostly because he's responsible for hiring the worst head coach in the league (take that Jim Schwartz) and employing the worst QB in the league (take that Gabby Gabbertson). Heads need to roll, and heads need to roll soon. If (Spoiler Alert!) Ned Stark didn't live to see the season finale, then neither should Romeo Crennel. My only fear in doing so is would be giving the team a spark and missing out on the first pick next year. Better yet, keep Romeo around. Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!

Worst team in NFL history - The 2008 Detroit Lions. For now. However, imagine this: What if the Chiefs go 1-15 this year without ever holding an actual lead in a game (the stat everybody has hopefully heard by now: No team since 1940 has gone the first seven games without holding a lead). Would that be a better or worse season than going 0-16? Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!

Best way to make 2012 relevant - Trade for Chase Daniel. Here's my thinking: The Chiefs have 9 games at their disposal. Trotting out the Wrong 53 week after week accomplishes absolutely nothing in my eyes (unless your dead set on "earning" the first pick, which I'd feel better about if Geno Smith had an ounce of fight in him when he faced adversity or Matt Barkley didn't seem soft).

So here's my proposal: Send a 2012 4th round pick to the Saints for Daniel (which the Saints say yes to because Daniel is likely to depart after this season anyways). Start him next week. Give him a nine-game audition. If he sucks, you miss out on the next Devon Wylie (darn), and you still draft the best QB you can get. If he shows promise, then sign him up. Shouldn't Pioli be chomping at the bit to make a move like this? Think about it. The fans hate him. I repeat: Hate him. At what point do you reach dead man walking status and make a final move out of desperation? Not to mention, you give your fans reason to watch the games. Isn't that worth a 4th round pick in itself? If nothing else, you (atleast temporarily) silence half of your critics (Mizzou fans) right? I want action dammit! Do something. Anything!

(Odds of this happening: Less than 0%. Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!)

Best (silly) way to make 2012 relevant - Let a fan coach a game. And if you want to get more specific with it, me. Let me coach a game. Why not? Could I possibly do a worse job than Humpty Dumbty? Wouldn't you be more intrigued to see what a fan could do with this team as opposed to "I-don't-understand-a-man?" Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs! #HireDirkness

Best personification of Scott Pioli - Stanford Routt. He embodies so much about what's gone wrong with this team. Signing somebody else's garbage (what, were there not any Cleveland Browns CB's on the open market?). Replacing a great player with a cheaper option. Having the audacity to celebrate because a bad pass happened to be thrown your way. Getting beat the same way over and over and over, and not seemingly doing anything to stop it (I found the Raiders gameplan of attacking Routt so relentlessly to be hysterical). Oh, and if the Chiefs get rid of Dwayne Bowe after choosing to franchise him over Brandon Carr then I'm going to do this to Scott Pioli. Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!

Best message sent by disgruntled Kansas City fans - The banners flying over Arrowhead Stadium. They are impossible to ignore in person. Thousands of people out there tailgating before the game, each looking up in the sky multiple times. The message got across. Raiders fans laughing at it. Old fans asking what they say. Young fans debating the credentials of the word "tightwad." I think my favorite detail is that it was an entirely separate group of pissed off fans who purchased the first banner seen yesterday, from the group who flew the latter two, as well as the banner at the last game (Save Our Chiefs). You're seeing copycat rebellious fan groups! Say it with me…Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!

Best sign the team has thrown in the towel on this season - Jamaal Charles getting five carries. Look, this team has more identity issues than the Wachowski brothers siblings, I get it. But you cannot argue that running Charles only five times gives this team its best chance to win the game. Nobody is dumb enough to think that….right? I mean, boom. I'm not criticizing this move though. While every carry of God Jam's takes a carry away from his future (and the team away from getting the #1 pick), he is still coming off an injury and could use the work. And yes, I just debated whether we should shut down the team's best player who appears to be 100% healthy. Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!

Best behavior - Chiefs fans yesterday. I expected revolt after the game, given the score, the opponent, and the late kickoff, but aside from the ear-gauged lunatic roaming the parking lot in section G26, nobody really seemed to care. Just took their loss and headed home. But we did get a decent idea of what the "Blackout Arrowhead" movement might look like with all the Raiders fans staying till the end. Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!

Worst Thursday Night Football ratings of the season - This week. Are there two teams playing worse than the Chiefs and the Chargers right now? Who could possibly want to watch this game? If I were NFL Network, I would scrap the game and replay this Tecmo Bowl documentary seven times in a row.

Your 2012 Kansas City Chiefs!!!!!!!!!

And I feel like I went easy on them.

His Dirkness