I’m pretty sure that you’re shaking your head as cynicism overrides your thoughts. Why on Earth would we worry? Anything above an F is worth an A, as long as it is sufficient. And yet, we’re like athletes — once we’ve reached a certain level we cannot go back. Anything less than that record is our own failure. High standards? I’ll give you that, but most of us are helpless.

If I were to fall, then who would they think was able to stand?

I can’t talk for everyone else, but when I see everyone gather around expressing their fears, I feel like an iron sentinel. I feel trapped, my emotions shackled by my brain. I cannot express my doubts on what lies in front of me, pour my worries in the center of the circle that the feet of normal people form. It’s not just that all the feet would trample me, but if I were to fall, then who would they think was able to stand?

The issue with not having to think about conventional troubles is that you leave your mind vulnerable. An idle mind looks for challenges where there are none, feeding insecurities and fueling doubts. And that is where all the problems stem from.

The plain, harsh truth is that no one deserves it.

You might think that you should be one of us. You might try convincing yourself that you deserve to be as able-minded as we are. You’re not entirely right, but not entirely wrong either. The plain, harsh truth is that no one deserves it. No one is worthy of it, just like no one is worthy of being born in a first-world country. We were all the same at a certain point, and a freak incident differentiated us. And that is a guilt that, at least I, carry around all day long.

Some have tried to convince me that I am lucky, just like everyone else surrounding me. Everyone was given a blessing — I was given this particular one. As alluring and comforting a solution as that sounds, however, sometimes when I’m lying in bed at night I can’t help but feel that we are at an advantage in a business world that favors us. And then I wake up and remember that exams have rolled by.

Suddenly, the nerds become the jocks. We make friends of people we never knew existed. We make friends of people who never considered our own existence. All of a sudden, we are the enlightened savants, the all-knowing oracles at everyone’s service.

I’m usually one of those — in the midst of a virtual circle responding to queries. Some call me nice, others have said I’m too nice. On occasion, however, it feels selfish. Helping others quells the feelings of guilt inside me, and sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me going. A month later, when there are no more tests to prepare for, we’re back on the front-row seats, probably on our own.

Do I wish I wasn’t Boy Genius? Sometimes, I must admit do.