Reasons Why Captain Janeway Is Better Than Captain Picard One word: hair More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined. Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff. Beams down to the planet like real Captains should. Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line. Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet. Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0 Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit they're lost and pull over for directions. Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way through. Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet. Looks better in sleepwear. Isn't French with an English accent. "Take this cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here, either, but I loved that line! Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience. When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again. Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to convince them to behave better. To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way. Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake up for morning bells. The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will. Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo. She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way. Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles. Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of trying to weasle her way out of it with philosophical ramblings. 30 episodes without surrendering the ship. 30 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship. Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs. Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniouses who yet again take over the ship. She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands. Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic! Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a shirt; Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network television. Cheese Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in with a primitive planet. She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English. Her engineer does not wear a bananna clip over her eyes. Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments. Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!). Her telepath only lives nine years. Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone before" and took them to the extreme. 45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe instantaneously? That's excessive! Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the deadliest of force". Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail. The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf could stomach. Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off. Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia. Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy, Paris, are YOU ever stupid." Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself! Hugs her Vulcan from time to time. Has a more manly voice. Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight spot. Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish! Kes. Troi. No contest. Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable. At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she wants something to drink. Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles. Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy. Her OPS officer can use contractions. Her first officer has a halucinogenic device. None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind. To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her spirit guide. Picard's first officer helps him get . . . to Risa. Riker never smiled at Picard that way. Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked Picard's girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted. Acknowledgements This list was created by Gerard Monsen (gmonsen@hou.lbl.gov). If you have any suggestions, please e-mail them to me. The master list is held at http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen/janeway.html I would like to thank the following people for their contributions: Karyn Lou, KarynLou@aol.com Richard Hanson Davide Hawkins, dhawk@well.com Dee Elling, dee@sybase.com Jeffrey K. Stier "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard" by Hemi and the Frakmaster "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Picard is Better Than Captain Kirk" by the Patrick Stewart Estrogen Brigade (I didn't make this up). "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Cmmdr. Sisko is Better Than Both of 'Em!" by Admiral Wombat Matthew Carlton, mcarlton@math.ucla.edu Randy Patton, Randy.Patton@vt.edu Terry Arzola, arzola@austin.cc.tx.us Seth Dilday, seth@aplus.com Mikael G. Haxby, poirot@crocker.com James Railton, Jeannie.Dickie@cyberstore.ca Merv Sutai - Jare'achan, TREKNOLOGIST@delphi,com -- Gerard Monsen, Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory (all opinions mine) e-mail: gmonsen@hou.lbl.gov URL: http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen See: "Reasons Why Captain Janeway is Better Than Captain Picard" at http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen/janeway.html SJTrek © Copyright Stephen Jacob, 1994-2006.