The US Supreme Court, also known as John Roberts & Associates LLC, has agreed to look into the case of the persecuted Christians (are there any other kind?) at Hobby Lobby which is a chain of craft stores specializing in scrapbooking and other pursuits for people who are just waiting for a merciful death. It seems that Dr Speculum P. Nobamacare has written a prescription to all of the ladies (like the trollop in the above picture) for free birth control via the ACA (American Communism Act), probably because he wants to “get down” with them, and Hobby Lobby, who are already compromising their principles by employing women who should be at home pooping out babies and making sammitches and putting together scrapbooks, doesn’t want the government enabling their whorish ways:

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The Court is considering several cases brought by private, for-profit employers, among 43 such cases that have been filed. The employers say the Affordable Care Act’s requirement to fully cover birth control in insurance plans violates religious liberty – the company’s religious liberty. Most Court watchers expect it to accept the case brought by Hobby Lobby, a craft-store chain that won at the Tenth Circuit of Appeals, and which the solicitor general requested the Court hear. The Obama administration has argued that protections for religious liberty under the Religious Freedom and Restoration Act or under the First Amendment apply to individuals, not corporations. It also says that “an employee’s decision to use her health coverage to pay for a particular item or service cannot properly be attributed to her employer,” and that contraceptive coverage is important in ensuring both public health and women’s equality. “This benefit was put into place in order to eliminate gender inequality in healthcare. A big part of that is the out-of-pocket expenses in contraception,” said Gretchen Borchelt, senior counsel at the National Women’s Law Center. “This would say to a low-wage worker that she has to pay out of pocket when women all around the country are getting it without a co-pay, just because her boss doesn’t think her using birth control is right.”

Also because she is a slut who, if she can’t keep her knees together, needs to have more babies because that is how you rise out of poverty, by which I mean selling your babies to wealthy white people, which is how John Roberts and his wife got their kids on account of something went wrong with his semen.

Of course, the long term implications of this ruling has to do with a determination that corporations, whom future $500 Double Jeopardy answer Mitt Romney told us “are people“, can also be religious peoplecorporationsthings.

But if the Court does take up one of the birth control refusal cases and eventually rules that a corporation has the same religious liberty rights as a person, the longer-term impact on corporate regulations could be sweeping. That’s what Solicitor General Donald Verrilli warned in his request that the Court settle the question through the Hobby Lobby case. The Religious Freedom and Restoration Act, enacted to protect minority interests, would be “transform[ed] from a shield for individuals and religious institutions into a sword used to deny employees of for-profit commercial enterprises the benefits and protections of generally applicable laws.” In other words, corporations could be allowed to opt out not only of health coverage for religiously contested services – including vaccinations or blood transfusions – but labor regulations. Some organizations have already been testing this: Duquesne University has claimed that its Catholic affiliation means it cannot allow graduate students to unionize.

Needless to say, a determination that corporations can be religious in nature (I was going to write “…have a soul” , but I couldn’t stop simultaneously laughing and weeping) means that somewhere down the line those same corporations will feel free to claim that they shouldn’t be taxed at all because they are a religious organization and, OHMYGAWD, everyone at the American Enterprise Institute just now got an enormous 4-hour boner at the idea of that and now we’re going to need those slut pills more than ever.

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Also, too, see Amanda.