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This week in Republican medicine: A woman’s stomach is connected directly to the vagina, and cancer is a fungus you can flush out with baking soda.

This is the appalling state of affairs in the Republican Party where our healthcare is debated.

Now I want you to pause right here, before we go into the details, and realize that David Lane, the Martin Bormann of the Religious Right, the guy behind the AFA’s hate-trip to Israel with the RNC, says that,

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“We have forgotten God and our godly forefathers. We have allowed a holocaust in America and the government defiling God’s design for our sexuality.”

You mean, like that whole stomach-to-vagina connection God apparently came up with?

And Rick Wiles sat down with another conservative pastor, Laurence White, who complained that,

“They’re trying to make conservative, Bible-believing candidates look foolish because the Devil is the Father of Lies and he’s good at it.”

Oh gosh, we don’t have to try. And we’re not the one’s lying.

Nevada State Assemblywoman and Cliven Bundy supporter Michele Fiore (R), who might want to worry less about fake cancer cure and more about the IRS and federal tax liens, says that,

If you have cancer, which I believe is a fungus, and we can put a pic line into your body and we’re flushing with, say, salt water, sodium cardonate ([sic] through that line and flushing out the fungus. These are some procedures that are not FDA-approved in America that are very inexpensive, cost-effective.

She wants to actually introduce legislation that would allow quackery like her baking soda “cure,” calling it the “terminally-ill bill,” though a better name would be the “terminally stupid bill.”

This is the same Fiori, by the way, who last week said,

If these young, hot little girls on campus have a firearm, I wonder how many men will want to assault them. The sexual assaults that are occurring would go down once these sexual predators get a bullet in their head.

Of course, the greater danger would probably be shooting themselves in the head, like Michigan Republican Precinct Delegate Christina Bond did when she tried to adjust her bra holster. Bond had been a military policeman, and so presumably knew how to handle a firearm. How many “young, hot little girls” can say this?

This hasn’t stopped Fiore from claiming that if you oppose her plan to arm college hotties, you are pro-rape.

With reasoning skills like this, who isn’t going to listen to her cancer advice?

And the Associated Press reported Monday that Idaho State Rep. Vito Barbieri (R) asked while the House State Affairs Committee discussed House Bill 154, which would prohibit remote chemical abortions,

“Can this same procedure be done in a pregnancy — swallowing a camera and helping the doctor determine what the situation is with the child?”

To which Dr. Julie Madsen replied, “It cannot be done in pregnancy simply because, when you swallow a pill, it would not end up in the vagina.”

No. Really?

Women with magical bodies that repel a rapist’s sperm are bad enough, but according to Barbieri, presumably, a woman could get pregnant from oral sex. And Dr. Madsen is lucky she didn’t get reprimanded for saying “vagina” like Michigan Democrat Lisa Brown back in 2012.

All the astounded Barbieri could say to this was, “Fascinating. That certainly makes sense, doctor.”

Well, glad you think so.

Of course, the committee approved the ban. The Republican Party, local, state, or national, has not met an abortion ban it does not like.

Healthcare has a lot in common with the environment, with Republicans, who know nothing about either, eager to pass legislation regarding both.

The idea in Idaho, say Republicans, is to help women. As was pointed out to them by Dr. Madsen, it actually harms them when they live in remote areas and cannot easily see a doctor.

Republicans, of course, are lying. They have no interest at all in actually helping women.

Once he had made himself a laughingstock, Barbieri pretended he knew all along:

“I was being rhetorical, because I was trying to make the point that equalizing a colonoscopy to this particular procedure was apples and oranges. So I was asking a rhetorical question that was designed to make her say that they weren’t the same thing, and she did so. It was the response I wanted.”

What a clever fellow.

We got all the responses we wanted too. Remember, Rand Paul is a doctor (or so he claims), and a whole slew of Republican doctors ran for Congress in the midterms. The New York Times reported in 2011 that doctors were leaving the Republican Party for the Democrat, but there are apparently enough of them still out there that you need to beware.

My advice: before you let a doctor touch you, find out what his politics are.

Photo from Wikipedia