LA CROSSE, WI—The initially heartwarming story of cancer patient Trevor Powell’s visit to heaven came under scrutiny Monday after sources close to the boy revealed that, upon reflection, the account sounded more and more like a wet dream. “At first, when Trevor said that he was going into a dark tunnel and felt a warm energy begin to envelope his body, I was tempted to believe him,” said oncological nurse Megan Thompson, one of many hospital employees intrigued by Trevor’s claims of a tantalizing journey to the great beyond. “But when he said he was repeatedly going in and out of that tunnel at an accelerating pace, building up towards a huge, um, exultation, and also specified that the warm succoring light was unusually moist and concentrated solely on his genitals, I began to have my doubts. Working in this field, you hear stories about the terminally ill meeting God or talking to deceased relatives every day, so on the face of it this wouldn’t have been that unusual. However, once Trevor mentioned that all of the angels he saw had huge, oiled-up boobs, it was pretty clear this was just a nocturnal ejaculation.” Powell was heard to say that Heaven was stickier than he had expected, just moments before being told that his book deal with Saving Grace Publishers Group had been rescinded.

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