Let's face it, animals are bastards. With all of the ant slavery, ape war and duck rape in the world, it's easy to decide nature is something best left to the wild. But there are those animals that -- thanks to Disney and The Far Side -- we tend to think are more likely to dispense witty one liners than bite our face. But while we've been busy rooting for them, they've been quietly revealing their true colors ...

5 Squirrels

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The Good

Squirrels are Exhibit A in what a cute face and a bushy tail can do for your cred among humans. As a species, we risk bodily injury and spikes in insurance rates whenever one dashes in front of our cars, because it is impossible not to feel like an asshole if you crush one. Hell, in Ice Age, the cutest character was the squirrel, and he had fangs.

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The Evil

The animal kingdom is like prison. If you don't try the softest guy on your cell-block, you become the softest guy on the cell-block. Unfortunately, this is a difficult lesson to teach children, because among the squirrels at Cuesta Park in Mount Park, Calif., word seems to be getting around that humans, unlike the Wu-Tang Clan, are something to fuck with.



"Come on, take the first swing. I don't even care."

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Between May 2006 and March 2007, multiple squirrels attacked 13 people, mostly children. One four-year-old boy thought he was being hugged by his furry little woodland friend until it started digging its fingers into his scalp. At this point the boy started screaming and rolling in the grass, which we've found is usually enough to scare away anything within 20 feet of us. But in this case, the squirrel just dug in that much harder, playing scalp rodeo until a grown-up came over and broke things up.