Male domestic violence victims have little support and disempowered fathers do not have the same rights as mothers. (File photo)

I believe there is a strong link between men's rights and suicide.

Male domestic violence victims have little support and disempowered fathers do not have the same rights as mothers.

These issues can cause mental health problems and lead to many male suicides.

I have experienced this first-hand and have seen it happen to friends, so I am sharing my story to highlight this problem.

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When my partner fell pregnant, she made it clear that I was an unwanted accessory. I was cast aside and it was made very clear that I was not welcome in our baby's life.

I made a few informal attempts to re-establish dialogue so we could discuss our child, but these were met by false allegations and threats.

I sought legal help to try and communicatewith her, but I was told that my ex had no legal obligation to speak to me about our child. I was also told that because I was not living with her, I would have no rights as a father. My only legal 'right' was in fact to pay child support.

My ex would decide if, how, where or when I could ever know about my baby. I was closed out of my child's life by the law.

Police advised me that any attempt to communicate with my ex would negatively impact my already slim chance of having a relationship with my as-yet unborn child. I was not entitled to information about my child and I was not allowed to talk to any mutual friends, or I would face legal action.

Attempts to communicate through legal channels were met with more defamatory allegations and threats, and the message that my child would be none of my business.

However, for some reason, she still felt fully entitled to send defamatory messages of hate and abuse to me through her friends - and I could not do a thing about it.

The pain of my mind destroying itself was, and still is, the worst pain I have ever experienced. It became so severe that I reached a point where I could no longer function and peace only came when I woke up in a hostel thinking I would end my life that day.

I didn’t want to die, but I just couldn’t handle the pain. Instead, I found therapy and I am very glad I did.

Tragically, our child was stillborn.

In the case of a friend, he was unlucky enough to have ended up with a violent and abusive partner.

She freely, frequently and violently attacked him when her temper got the better of her. This included punching, kicking, choking, closed fists to the back of his head, and scratches that drew blood. She would even attack him in front of their daughter.

When he tried to report this domestic violence, he was made to feel that police did not want to know about it - there was nothing he could do.

He thought about leaving her but stayed because he did not want to leave his daughter with this violent woman. She also made it clear that if he left, he would never see his daughter again.

My friend quickly realised there is not a lot of support for male victims of domestic violence and fathers have very few legal rights in comparison to mothers.

Faced with the choice of staying with his violent partner or abandoning his child destroyed him. He ended up going down the well worn path of drug and alcohol abuse to mask his pain. His life fell apart.

The most painful night of my life came when he rang me in tears to say he was going to kill himself because he couldn’t take any more.

Suicide is tragic but there is a massive gender disparity in suicide statistics and it is important to understand why.

I am sharing these experiences to highlight genuine needs that are ignored and overlooked in the name of political correctness. The pain and suffering of male domestic violence victims and disempowered fathers, and the lack of support destroys men. I have experienced it and I have seen it in friends.

In order to get serious about mental health and suicide prevention, we need to include uncomfortable realities in our public discussions, support services and education programs.

Public advertising telling women not to abuse men and resourceful, highly publicised support services for male victims, will help to reduce men's mental health problems. A child-friendly men's refuge centre, similar to women's refuge centres, would also be great.

All too often efforts to support these guys are stifled by self interested organisations, dismissed as the ramblings of men's rights activists, or straight up denied.

I am not asking for much. I am simply asking for gender equality.

WHERE TO GET HELP:

1737, Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor

Lifeline – 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland

Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat

Samaritans – 0800 726 666

Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

Anxiety New Zealand - 0800 ANXIETY (0800 269 4389)

Supporting Families in Mental Illness - 0800 732 825.

Victim Support - 0800 842 846 (24hr service)

Women's Refuge (For women and children) - crisis line available on 0800 733 843

Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Trust (For men), Helplines across NZ, click to find out more

If it is an emergency or you, or someone you know, is at risk call 111.