“There is only one success — to be able to spend your life in your own way.” — Christopher Morley

Life can be overwhelming, especially if you’re a driven person and love helping others.

But what if I said you were doing it all wrong? What if I told you the strategy you’re using is a time bomb waiting to explode.

What happens when that bomb shatters your dreams and those of people who are closest to you? Imagine the disappointed looks on their faces when you let them down.

The great news is that one magic word can change all that. And if you embrace it, you can build a solid foundation for an amazing life.

The why

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” — William Shakespeare

What’s the biggest dream you’ve ever had? Imagine you’re about to make that dream come true. Feel the warmth of adrenaline shoot through your body as it approaches.

What if that dream gets suddenly yanked away because of an earlier commitment you’d forgotten about? A promise you made without thinking destroyed the most important dream of your life moments before you could embrace it.

Imagine you had the power to see every missed opportunity. Recall your earliest memory then fast forward the video of your life.

Picture the loss from the thousands of times you repeated the same mistake. Feel the anguish as each victory gets yanked away.

Your perspective

“You can have anything you want in life, you just can’t have everything you want.” — Peter Mcwilliams

The first step to embrace the magic word no is by changing your perspective.

For each moment of your life, you will always give the same number of noes. You can only give one yes because you can only do one thing at a time. You will either give your noes before or after your yes.

The secret to a person who uses the magic word is when they use it. They give most of their noes before their yes instead of after. They’re deliberate. That extra effort pays huge dividends.

People give their yeses away quickly for two reasons.

Laziness. It’s often easier to say yes when someone asks. When you say no, you’re forced to make a choice. You have to give a reason. It’s uncomfortable, especially if you lack direction. Most people take the path of least resistance. Fear. Most people fear missing out. They want to avoid retaliation. They fear losing opportunities to help others.

It’s one thing to fall from a hard-fought loss. It’s something else to quit because of laziness or fear. When you give away your yeses without thinking, you throw in the towel.

If it’s not a heck yes, it should be a no.

Saying no gives you the highest and best use of your time. It allows you to steer around life’s fickle winds and chart your own course.

You pick the destination. You decide your fate.

You won’t see every opportunity. You won’t get every yes right. But when you’re deliberate, you leverage your ability to help yourself and others.

Do you want to keep throwing in life’s towel? Or are you finally willing to endure a little short-term pain in exchange for an amazing life?

The how

“The best way out is always through.” — Robert Frost

Direct

The most effective way to embrace no is with honesty. It builds character and strength

When it’s time to say no, explain you can’t because of prior commitments.

If you’re pressed on the issue, tell them you made a commitment to only give the highest and best use of your time. You wouldn’t be able to give the time and effort they deserve.

You don’t want to steal the opportunity from someone who’s more passionate about the activity. They could do a better job and help more people.

If they say no one else wants the job, explain the commitment you made to yourself and your loved ones. Explain how you’ve committed to leverage your time to help the most people.

They may be upset in the beginning, but you’ll gain their trust. If they have integrity, they’ll respect you for it.

Indirect

If you’re not there yet, you can use a few more strategies while building your strength.