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THE UNYIELDING condemnation and outrage felt by Fianna Fáil over Fine Gael’s controversial and dubious awarding of the National Broadband Plan contract is said to be so severe, so iridescent that Michael Martin will continue to back the government no matter what.

“Grrr, I’m so angry,” Martin faux-raged at a perfectly reasonable volume while giving thought to snapping a pencil in two before seeing sense and realising what the people of Ireland needed more than a functioning opposition party was a party that just stood idly by and let Fine Gael carry on as normal.

€5 billion broadband plan which was only costing €3 billion a few days ago has been heavily criticised by experts with many calling for a halt to plan and a reopening of the bidding process, something Martin would back as long as his party didn’t have to do anything like call an election or grow a backbone.

“Hey, don’t forget we’re the party that stood by and legitimised the government’s handling of the Cervical Check scandal, Tuam Babies scandal, the housing crisis, Garda Whistleblower scandal and National Children’s Hospital cost simply by refusing to pull our support,” confirmed one party insider.

Then in a loving tribute to the aliens from the Toy Story movie franchise, Fianna Fáil members stood mouths agape and repeated the word ‘Brexit’ in melodious union as their reason for not doing anything.

In response to Fianna Fáil’s lax approach to properly holding the government to account Fine Gael stated: “Sound, thanks. Knew we could rely on you”.