I replied to their email with a request for clarification, because I wanted to be absolutely clear that I could write about anything I wanted and still get paid.

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I waited 15 days and didn't get a response. It's rude and unprofessional to approach someone with a business deal and then go silent, but I forged ahead under the assumption they had all spilled Four Loko on their computers.

After several days without feedback, I was worried that I wasn't going to get my hard-earned money. But I tried again.

Three days later, I finally got a response. Because all the best websites take nearly a month to respond to emails regarding a business deal that they themselves proposed. Here's their passive-aggressive reply:

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So we can add irony to the list of things Wingman Magazine doesn't understand. See, it would be ironic if I was writing articles about how to fuck bitches from the club with my goat-weed-enhanced manhood. It would be ironic if I went around claiming to have been published in The New Yorker when I haven't. And it would be ironic if I offered to pay people in exchange for services, then reneged when the requested service was fulfilled. But I don't do any of that, so it's not ironic. It's another term called "Me pointing out that you guys are a bunch of stupid assholes."

You promised me 100 dollars for an article that contained a link to your website, Wingman Magazine, and I delivered. In fact, I went above and beyond. You asked for a single measly link, and I've included 24. I'd say that's earned me a bonus, not a "Have a great day without the money we promised you!" So how about it? Do you think that for once in the history of your ignorant, misogynistic cancer of a website that you can be honest? If so, you know how to reach me.

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You can read more from Mark at his website and the New Yorker.

Wingman Magazine might seem sketch but they're nothing compared to the NFL that smuggled a football team like a shipment of drugs in The 5 Shadiest Crimes Ever Pulled Off By Famous Corporations. And don't miss how record labels reduce sound quality to trick listeners in 5 Things Record Labels Don't Want You To Know They Do.

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