At an emotional press conference packed with teammates, family and friends, Dane Swan announced his retirement from the game today and confirmed, as long-rumoured, that he will officially say goodbye to the footballing world with a lap of honour at local nightspot Tramp Saturdays.

Tears flowed at the Holden Center as the 258-game veteran paid tribute to his biggest influences, including former captain Nick Maxwell and local house DJ Will Sparks. He also made mention of the figures who gave him an opportunity early in his career when no one else would, such as coach Mick Malthouse and a particularly accomodating doorman at Seven nightclub.

A dedicated socialite who wasn’t afraid to pull on the boots and poll a Brownlow vote or two, Swan is known for his prolific ball-winning ability and popularising the Inception Bomb, an alcoholic refreshment that places a traditional Jagerbomb in a jug with vodka, whiskey and peach schnapps. He exits the game a premiership player, beloved Collingwood legend and a stunning example of how much partying a professional footballer is capable of when they set their mind to it.