Readers, if you know me -- and I'd hope that by now you do -- then you know that I am all about bandwagons. And jumping onto them. The harder the better.

So when I read recently about the blogger who ran the Georgia Half Marathon without paying for it, and then bragged about it online -- LOL! -- going so far as to post photos of herself banditing the race -- LMAO! -- I knew what I had to do. I had to run a half-marathon of my own, without bothering to pay, and take selfies of me doing it. ROTFL!

Except, wait. I just ran a half-marathon, like, two weekends ago. The NYC Half. (Like a chump, I actually paid for it.) My next race isn't till Boston. (You guessed it: I paid for that one too.) No bandwagon for Mark. :-(

To console myself, I thought I'd try a little "retail therapy" at our local running store, the Emmaus Run Inn. But I was a little short on cash.

Being the rule breaker I am, I went anyway. Spend $100+ to purchase running gear? No thanks -- I’ll save that Benjamin for booze and brunch afterward.

Behold, me stealing from the local specialty running store, in 14 selfies:

1. The "STICK it to the Man" Selfie

Hey, running store owner -- don't get SORE! I've shopped at your store before, so I'm entitled to steal stuff this time!

2. The "How Many Watches Will Fit Down My Pants?" Selfie

(Answer: Four!)

3. The "I [Heart] Rationalizing Theft " Selfie

Mmm... Tastes free!

4. The "I Get This Rag for Free But I'll Steal a Copy Anyway" Selfie

Speaking of weight loss -- the store owner's till is about to get a lot lighter! LOL!

5. The "You Belong to Me Now, Doggie" Selfie

This one will hurt the owner in his pocketbook AND in his heart! LMAO!

6. The "Fuel Me Once, Shame on You" Selfie

Pro tip: If you don't want people to steal Gu, don't leave it lying around in open jars!

7. The "If the Shoe Fits" Selfie

Brannock Device? Don't mind if I do!

8. The "I Wear Many Hats" Selfie

And by "wear," I mean "steal." ROTFL! p.s. That's just a poster of a hottie behind me. Not an actual hottie.

9. The "Sock It to Me" Selfie

"Hidden Comfort" is right. These are about to be hidden in my jacket!



10. The "My Wife's Birthday Is Coming Up" Selfie

Pretty in pink! Hey, the store owner has insurance, right? He'll probably come out ahead on this!

11. The "I Select THIS Model" Selfie

100% OFF?!?

Hey, sign? Instead of 50% off, how about, oh, I dunno...HAHAHAHA.

12. The "Hot in Herre" Selfie

Here are those little hotties I've been looking for! Hey, you're coming home with me!

13. The "Made in the Shades" Selfie

I wanted to pay for these, but I wasn't able to, therefore it's OK for me to just not pay.

14. The "Suck It!" Selfie

Yeah, the store owner is PO'd and what I did is so unethical that even a third-grader could tell you it's wrong. But I wanted to have fun, and people will enjoy reading this, and, oh yeah: THANKS FOR THE PAGE VIEWS, SUCKERS.

Peace.

Very special thanks to Chris Schmidt and the Emmaus Run Inn.

Mark Remy Mark Remy has been with Runner’s World since January 2007—for the first 5 ½ years as executive editor of RunnersWorld.com, and currently as a writer at large.

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