LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

French Quarter craft beer pub, the Gropey Sailor, has had to close its doors after failing to corner the lucrative paisley shirt wearing market.



Opened on the simple premise of nauseatingly-potent beer at airport prices, the Gropey Sailor failed to gain a loyal clientele as they did little to cater to large groups of young men wearing short sleeved paisley shirts.



“I don’t get how we shut when he had both a ship’s wheel and crossed arrows in our logo,” stated business owner Harvey Shipmen.



“Knew we should have got a 4th foodtruck.”



Known for keeping businesses that haven’t really existed since the 18th Century afloat, the Paisley Platoon was at the core of Shipmen’s business strategy as just one table of paisley-men can spend over $12k to drink beer that does a better job at dehydrating than it does refreshing.



However, without their patronage, Shipmen’s business did not stand a chance and the entrepreneur was forced to close his doors after only six hours in business.



“We had one table of parents with expensive prams and ironic t-shirts but that wasn’t enough to keep us going.”

