Following in Bill Gates’ footsteps, US-based billionaires stepped up their efforts to influence the world. They are trying to influence not the present or future but the past itself.

If you think this is straight out of sci-fi or something new, you’re in for a surprise. Dictators have been doing it for centuries, even before the modern technology arrived. Stalin was one of them. His legacy was then continued by the Communist Party of Soviet Union:

The Communist Party of the Soviet Union (CPSU) attempted to… control the writing of both academic and popular history.

Today’s billionaires have apparently come to conclusion that they need as much power as those dictators. So rewriting the history is no longer only for dictators. It’s also something the super rich can do.

So let’s rejoice at how good 21st century democracy got. Money influences not only politicians but also rewrites the history. Sounds like a very good idea.

But these billionaires are not content with simply rewriting the history. They are going to try to accomplish something far more ambitious. They are going to follow in Bill Gates’ steps and may actually outdo him.

If you haven’t heard of Bill Gates’ latest project, here is a short rundown from New York Times:

Gates… stumbled upon a set of DVDs titled “Big History” — an unusual college course taught by a jovial, gesticulating professor from Australia named David Christian. Unlike the previous DVDs, “Big History” did not confine itself to any particular topic, or even to a single academic discipline. Instead, it put forward a synthesis of history, biology, chemistry, astronomy and other disparate fields… “I just loved it,” he [Gates] said.

Gates ended up developing this educational DVD series into a course that is now taught at thousands of high schools across the United States. But some of the United States’ billionaires may outdo him. They may succeed in mixing mind control with time travel.

Billionaires will attempt to influence the past through a secret project developed at Google X. This project is similar to a time travel machine.

Though Google has not yet invented a time travel machine, they say their project is likely to be completed in the next 10-20 years.

Google representatives stopped short of calling their project “a time machine” though. Here is how they described it – courtesy of secret source that chose to remain anonymous:

This time travel project is more like a plan to take over the world. We are confident we will take over the world. In the worst case scenario, we would simply rewrite the search results.

They will also likely try to influence the past through their educational projects. Google has heavily invested in education, including history. So when the kids of next generation open their history textbooks, they may find that the world’s best inventions have been invented by Google’s engineering team.

But Google’s “time travel” project is not the only way billionaires will try to control history. They will also try to control people’s memories. Google, for example, will add their advertising to them. Indeed, Google will unveil the following technology:

In the 22nd century, Google will unveil a revolutionary new technology: it will be able to search your brain for anything you have forgotten (and replace it with AdWords).

Other billionaires – Koch Brothers, for example – are going to buy ads on TV and Internet to deliver their messages that would attempt to influence your memories. They would, for example, try to convince you that Republicans have been doing a good job by exporting American jobs to China. That sounds like a real innovation. Has never been done before.



Koch Brothers will also attempt to convince people that green energy has been proven not to work, ten million years ago. Their scientists would cite the extinction of dinosaurs as the cause.

Bankers, on the other hand, would pay historians to write textbooks about the virtues of banking business. They would start a site called “we-are-scamming-you-this-time-with-history.com”

They would also form a think tank. That would include all the billionaires-megalomaniacs. They would try to push a set of laws that would allow them to spy on anyone who wants to have access to history textbooks that were not approved by them. Meanwhile, Republicans would support them by saying that “business is always good”. Thank Citizens United court case.

These billionaires would add a new case. They would be legally allowed to search any house for history they don’t like, because of national security. I don’t blame them though. National security is very important.

Some of these things have already happened. Others have been predicted by me time-traveling into the future.

In any case, we should definitely be grateful that billionaires want to use their power and wealth to help improve history. Is not history boring without somebody falsifying it? Regardless of what you think, they think it is. Let’s congratulate them on their reckless confidence.

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