



Found on real headstones:



Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903 Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the

car was on the way down.

It was.

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In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go.

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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.

The Good Die Young.

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In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann,

Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767

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In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace:

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent them manna.

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon me

For not rising.

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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. V

Stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake.

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In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

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A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange.

Here lies an honest lawyer,

And that is Strange.

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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art

In want of any,

Dig 6 feet deep;

And thou wilt find a Penny.

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In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June,

Jonathan Fiddle

Went out of tune.

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Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont:

Here lies the body of our Anna -

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

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On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod.

Pease shelled out and went to God.

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In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I.

Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent

Until I know which way you went.

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And last but not least, a friend of mine found this in Key West:

Elmer Hodges

I told you I was sick!