David Harns

For the Lansing State Journal

Heather Holsworth misses the sounds and activities that accompany having a little girl in the house.

Her husband, Matt, can't believe how fast time can fly and how slow time can drag – at the same time.

"It's been a very long six months," Matt said. "But at the same time, it's been like the blink of an eye."

It's been six months since the Holsworths' daughter, Lacey, lost her fight with neuroblastoma. Six months since the MSU basketball team lost its biggest fan. Six months since the mid-Michigan community lost "a princess."

"I live in a house full of boys now," Heather said Monday. "I went from singing and dancing and little Lacey offering to give everybody pedicures and manicures or do my hair – that's all gone now. I think the boys (the Holsworths have three sons) miss that girly touch. She was the glue that brought everybody together."

Lacey – and her friendship with MSU basketball star Adreian Payne – captivated fans across the nation. With her smile and positive attitude, Lacey inspired and motivated, especially on social media, where her hashtag (#LoveLikeLacey) and her Twitter and Instagram accounts – now run by her parents – have more than 36,000 followers.

While basketball provided 8-year old Lacey with memorable moments in the last several months of her life – she cut down the nets with the Spartans when they won the Big Ten Tournament in Indianapolis and watched Payne at the slam dunk competition in Dallas – it is baseball that has helped her mom get through this summer.

All three of the Holsworth's sons – William, 14, Mitchell, 13 and Luke, 7 – play baseball, but Heather got extra joy this summer watching Luke – who was Lacey's best friend – play on the diamond.

"It's just so beautiful to watch a little boy playing baseball in the summer time," Heather said. "It gives you something to look forward to. A reason to get up in the morning. To move toward the future instead of dwelling in the past, which is really hard."

Watching her son, happy and healthy, energized her. It was a stark contrast to watching Lacey, who was paralyzed and unable to walk in the weeks before her death.

Now, Heather has some advice for her fellow parents:

"Get off your phones. I don't know how many times I've seen little kids doing something so cute, or sweet or funny and their parents are sitting there with their nose in their phone. Put your phones down and enjoy life for what it is at that moment. It might not be that way in 10 seconds. It might not be that way tomorrow. It might not be that way a year from now. You're never going to get that time back."

Healing together

Matt and Heather heeded their own advice. This summer was dramatically different than the past few. Gone were the doctors' appointments, the lab tests, the waiting and wondering, and the search for a cure. They had run that gauntlet for so long, it didn't seem real when it ended.

"You consumed yourself trying to find a cure for your daughter and trying to help her through her hard times and at the same time hold down a job and still teach your other kids," Matt said. "To totally switch gears – to think that life is ok now – it's hard. You still want to fight for something. You think something has to be wrong somewhere. So you try to find it. And there's nothing. So you have that constant anxiety."

The last six months have been a time for the Holsworths to re-connect – as a couple and as a family. It has been an intentional process.

"You really have to fight for that when you go through this," Matt said. "We needed to attach and latch on to each other. You appreciate certain things more. You live every day as if it's your last."

Heather says it was her boys that helped her get through the first several months.

"The boys gave us a reason to get through the day and live a life with the quality that they deserve. Their story has yet to be told," she said. "Their books are still being written."

Of course, the boys have questions.

"Why our sister? Why Lacey? And we have no answers for them," Heather said.

In search of answers, the Holsworths have spent time in counseling. But both Heather and Matt say the same thing about that process:

"When you talk to people about it, they understand – but they don't understand," Matt said. "Nobody feels exactly the same way. Each loss is different. Each road is different. No two traumas are alike and no two people are the same – you have to work through it on your own to really figure it out."

So don't mistake what we look like in public for what we go through in private, Heather said.

"A lot of people will see us in public. We're laughing and enjoying the boys and enjoying each other," she said. "And everyone thinks you're fine. They don't see the every day. We cry. Every day. We cry all the time."

The Holsworths watch old home movies – "all the time," says Heather – of Lacey singing and dancing and having fun, reliving the family memories from life before cancer.

"You have mixed emotions when you watch the videos," Matt said. "Sometimes it makes you smile. Other times you're crying. Sometimes you do both."

"Sometimes you have to just walk away and turn it off," Heather said. "There are five of us going through all the different stages (of grief) on any given day. Some days it might be helpful to one of us. Other times, one of the boys can't handle it that day. Every single day is different."

"It doesn't get easier as time goes on, it's just different," replied Matt. "You learn ways to deal with it. … They say as time goes on, it gets easier. It doesn't."

The Holsworths credit Matt's employer, Motion Industries, for making a challenging journey less difficult.

"They were absolutely fantastic," Heather said. "It could have been so bad if they weren't so understanding. A lot of families that go through this end up losing their jobs because of the sheer amount of time you have to take to be at doctors' appointments, running back and forth to the lab. Even just phone calls, making arrangements."

Spartan love

The Holsworths said Lacey was able to live life to the fullest because of the opportunities she received and they – with the help of Princess Lacey's Legacy Fund – want to give other children who are fighting cancer the same chance.

Many of those opportunities happened because of the generosity of the MSU Athletic Department and its willingness to allow Lacey to participate in their basketball activities. That continues today.

Although Payne is getting settled in Atlanta – where he will start his NBA career – he still finds time to text and video chat with the Holsworths. Other Spartans have stayed in contact, including Matt Costello, who attended a recent golf outing in Lacey's honor.

The entire Trice family is "amazing," according to Heather, and Travis – a senior who read scripture passages during Lacey's Life Celebration – is a "sweetheart" who often sends the family encouraging texts and messages.

Heather said she sees "Lacey's heart" when she and Matt look at the MSU players.

"The Spartan family is so unique," Heather said. "They just picked us right up and made us part of the family."

The Holsworths will catch up with their Spartan family at MSU's Midnight Madness – the annual event that kicks off the basketball season on Oct. 24.

Heather admits it will be difficult to head back to the Breslin Center where so many memories with Lacey were made, including an emotional Senior Night when Payne carried Lacey onto the court to a standing ovation from the fans.

"I don't think Lacey really understood how much the students embraced her until senior night," Heather said. "When she was standing there with Adreian and that crowd, looking around, and they are all wearing her t-shirt and yelling and screaming 'we love you, Lacey!' – I don't think she understood until that moment. She was blown away."

The broader MSU community also had a significant impact on the Holsworths.

"For me, it was when they painted the rock," Heather said. "When I saw what they did for her. The turnout. The kids that stayed there all night long. I would love to meet those people. I would love to know who they are."

Word of Lacey's passing spread across campus throughout the day on April 9 and MSU students gathered for an impromptu candlelight vigil that night. The Rock – a campus icon with decades of messages painted on it – was painted white with "MSU LOVES PRINCESS LACEY. Love Like Lacey" written on it. MSU basketball head coach Tom Izzo addressed the crowd that had gathered in an emotional speech that quickly went viral. Players and students took turns signing The Rock, leaving their messages in black ink.

The Holsworth family was touched by those messages. In fact, Matt and Heather went to campus a couple days after Lacey died; they stayed off to the side and just watched as a steady stream of people came to The Rock to add their messages.

The painting for Lacey lasted a full 12 days, a virtual eternity for The Rock. Eventually – 4 days after Lacey's memorial service, on April 21 – The Rock was painted over with another message.

"It's not like it was erased," Heather said. "It's still there. It's one layer in that rock tradition now. We have a picture of every note, of every inch, that was on that rock. It is part of MSU tradition – you don't want to change that. I wouldn't expect it to stay that way forever because then it becomes kind of a tombstone and that's just weird. It was an amazing tribute to Lacey."

Still searching

The journey continues for the Holsworths as they seek answers to the bigger questions in the wake of Lacey's death.

"There's a place and time for the grieving process spiritually as well," Matt said. "We're going through that. Times of anger, times of doubt. We're just trying to find where that place is right now."

"Why my child?" he asks. "She was so sweet and loving to everyone."

Heather said, "It's difficult. You don't want to sound bitter like you blame God because you didn't get your own way. But you can't help but think, why in the world is this happening to innocent and beautiful children? Why did she have to have cancer? Why did she have to be paralyzed? Why is this happening? It's so hard to understand."

"You kind of wonder," she continued, "where is the hero in the situation? Where's the one that's rescuing? Where's the comfort? You can't understand it. It's like a math problem that we we're not getting. We can't figure out the answer. So we're setting it aside and coming back to it again later with a different perspective."

They might not know the answers to the toughest questions, but they are sure of at least one thing.

"Lacey will always be our daughter," Heather said. "She's just not with us right now. And it really comes down to a choice. You either quit or you move forward. You can't just sit where you are."

There's a brief pause in the conversation and then Matt finishes the thought:

"We promised Lacey that we wouldn't quit. That we would continue to show her love. That's what we're trying our best to do. We don't do it like she did, of course – but we're trying."





About Princess Lacey's Legacy Fund

The community stepped up to support the Holsworths during Lacey's battle. When asked this week whether financial donations were still needed, Matt Holsworth said: "As of right now, we're all caught up on our medical costs. There are other families out there that can use that more than us right now."

Princess Lacey's Legacy Fund is accepting donations in Lacey's honor and the Holsworths are working through the paperwork that would allow donations to be tax deductible. The money raised will be used to help other children battling cancer to participate in alternative forms of physical therapy.

The Holsworths said they saw improvement in Lacey's spirit when she was allowed to use alternative forms of physical therapy, including piano lessons. They want to ensure other children also have that opportunity.

Send donations to Princess Lacey's Legacy Fund at PO Box 101, St. Johns, MI 48879

Words of encouragement and stories about Lacey can be emailed to the family at supportlacey@aol.com.

This story was originally published on Oct. 8, 2014.