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Power buttons that correct you, living the Adult Baby Diaper Lifestyle, California fills up a skate park, Frank Hassle works out and drops hotdogs, the Final Fantasy 7 remake, entertaining Anthony Cumia, Chris Hansen congratulates me and my garbages, Riley goes to an illegal church, tyranny comes from next door, Bam Bam’s Easter Madlibs, how to find your broken half, and helping Kiwi Chris make a hooker his housewife; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The pint glass warehouse has been re-opened! And the shipping of my glassy goodness may resume. Look for an email this week, and I realize I have said this before, but what the hell can I do? Please God, no more bully! This week also saw the release of not one, but two bonus episodes! The TDS/WATP Diaper Tapes crossover, in which we review Diaper Tapes and the audio version of “F*ck Whales”–one of these will make you cringe until it feels like you’re turning inside out, the other is about a guy wearing diapers. And the Ralph/Vito Bojack Horseman crossover.

Download both for $5 at patreon.com/TheDickShow, but first…

We’re nearing the end of this grand experiment, I think. Oil is down, fatness is up, dollars have been doled, and motherfuckers are getting horny. Horny for oil, horny to party, too horny to stay cooped up with the likes of you.

Kim Jong Un got so horny that we went brain dead. At least that’s what early reports are saying. Trump got so horny he temporarily suspended immigration. That’s horny af. And the Final Fantasy 7: Remake isn’t helping. Maybe I haven’t played video games in a while, but these bitches look real. Realer than real actually. Women of the future do not stand a chance. It will be yet another thing that Demolition Man has called.

And still, while the Apocalypse summer camp is ending, I look forward to the sort of experts that the future will bring. Experts in post-traumatic lockdown syndromes. Experts in vaccine chips and single-level data protocols, where the digital you ceases to exist at the first layer of meta abstraction, cryptographically putting your hands over your eyes and going “I can’t see you, so you can’t see me.” Experts in shaping society. We could have never built one without them.

I can’t wait to hear celebrities act about how hard this was for them. And how hard this was for us for them.

I hope the celebrity industry dies as a result of this lockdown. It’s certainly been mortally wounded. I hope public school dies. It’s been shown to be irrelevant. I hope commuting dies. It exists to make the useless look busy. I hope off-shore manufacturing dies. I hope the dollar dies. I hope the federal agencies tasked with protecting us from our own imaginations die. I hope our imaginations die.

But they won’t. Trump is now the King of America and the effective Chairman of the Federal Reserve and he knows it. The amount of money that will spill over the United States in the next couple years will be obscene. Industries will drown in it. America will bleed green and speak in acronyms and rates and computers will service us sexually. The roaring 80s are back. It’s just impossible to properly convey the level of excess that is about to wash over the free world and we will pay for it with the rest of our lives.

The lockdown is ending, but the prison lives on! #TeamVirus

“iCuckkz – Only Fans (Damage)” by MC Jarbo



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