Sonny Bill Williams holds his daughter Aisha during the All Blacks' captain's run before the third Lions test.

Cross-code superstar Sonny Bill Williams has opened up about his life-long struggle to find inner peace in an effort to try to help young people who are struggling.

In a wide-ranging, and surprisingly candid, chat, SBW spoke about his future in rugby, the prospect of returning to rugby league, his upcoming fight with Paul Gallen and his struggles.

Williams was in an expansive mood when he turned up at Leichhardt Oval, Sydney, unannounced during the week to watch his cousin Phillip Makatoa play.

DAVID ROGERS/GETTY IMAGES Sonny Bill Williams is shown a red card against the British and Irish Lions.

It didn't take long for word to spread that SBW was at Leichhardt and at one point about 20 students approached SBW for a photo.

READ MORE:

* Kaino sent home after 'affair'

* NZR instructs independent lawyer to investigate Smith

​

PHIL WALTER/GETTY IMAGES Sonny Bill Williams with All Blacks assistant coach Wayne Smith.

Williams is used to the fame, because he has to be.

"It's all good," he said. "It wasn't that I didn't like it, it's just that I was very shy. Like now. When you mature a bit, you are not embarrassed of who you are. I was embarrassed about that stuff. You grow into it. You appreciate it."

Williams admits he has taken a long time to be comfortable in his skin.

"When I was younger, I thought that I had it all, but I was not really fulfilled or content," he said. "You still fight those demons, but you have those places that you go and you are grateful for what you have. The way I think now is that if you put good stuff out there it will come back to you. I have that mentality, instead of me, me, me. You are going to be happier and content."

Williams recently took to social media and made the observation that happiness was right there in front of him – but he couldn't see it.

"A lot of stuff that's on TV or in the papers is just rubbish," he said. "It's stuff you are force fed. You see all of that and you consume all of that. And it makes you think you have to have the flashiest this or the flashiest car or shoes to be happy. Or you have to win this or win that. Or to have money to be content.

"Realistically, it is right in front of your face. I'm grateful that as part of my journey growing up to becoming a man, I've understood that. Becoming a religious man has taught me I don't have to have the flash objects.

"Looking at my two daughters' beautiful faces, I'm so happy for what I have; being able to live where I live; to do what I do."

Williams recently travelled with UNICEF to Lebanon and spent time with Syrian refugees.

"I have been there and experienced that – people who don't have anything," he said. "And I'm not just talking about things you can buy. I'm talking about loved ones, family. They just live day to day.

Having that outlook on life is a true blessing, I believe. Don't get me wrong, it is a battle for me day to day for that happiness.

"In today's society it's all about social media and it's all about likes ... we all seem to be following the leader. Too many people follow without questioning things and asking why."

Williams says it's a day-to-day struggle to find a level of joy.

"I'm still searching for it," he said. "I suppose it's when I'm being the most religious I can be, being the best person I can be. Just being an all-round better person, not just thinking about myself. It's about thinking about others. That's when I am at my happiest."

To hear Williams speak so openly about his search for meaning raises the question of whether he was suffering from depression.

"I wouldn't say it was depression," he said. "But like so many youngsters, I was thinking if I get this or that then I will finally be happy.

"All of a sudden you win a premiership or you win a World Cup and you are asking yourself what's next, and you are still searching for what will make you happy. Instead you should bring it back, soak it in and look at what you have. You need to appreciate the moment and think, 'far out, I am blessed to have done what I have done, to have what I have, to have achieved what I have achieved'."

Williams knows that not everyone will want to read about his battles. But he is equipped to handle the haters.

"I know that I am not everyone's cup of tea in any way," he said. "A lot of those people who despise you and have that hatred for you ... if you have that hatred in you then it says to me that you are the one who is not happy in your own skin.

"I try not to worry about them. I try just to worry about being the best I can be ... the best father I can be, the best husband I can be, the best friend I can be, the best teammate I can be and staying true to what I believe in, and the rest takes care of itself."

When it comes to "the rest", you can be sure that it will be be in rugby as long as he is on a field. Is he planning to return to rugby league when his deal with New Zealand Rugby runs out at the end of 2019?

"I don't think so, bro," he said. "You never say never, but I am just so happy in rugby union. I love playing for the All Blacks and I just want to play for as long as I am really happy being in this team.

My wife is happy, my daughters are happy. I enjoy being in Auckland."

There is a league-related event that he is interested in though: a fight with Cronulla star Paul Gallen.

"I hope that we can get things sorted because I really want to fight Paul," Williams said. "He has been very vocal. He says things about me, but that just shows what type of individual he is. I'll do my talking in the ring.

"I've been blessed that I can chose who I fight. I don't need to fight for money. The All Blacks are what I am about and trying to play well for my country."