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Look, it’s definitely better than We All Stand Together (Picture: Dave Anderson for Metro.co.uk)

Our lord and saviour gets a bad press this time of year.

Despite the countless miracles he’s performed on this Earth, Sir Paul McCartney is still crucified by critics for lighthearted 1979 throwaway Wonderful Christmastime.

9 reasons you’re an idiot for not liking Radiohead

But is the messiah disheartened?

Is he balls.


Sir Paul remains characteristically upbeat, two thumbs aloft – no wonder, considering this effervescent festive gem nets him a whopping £300k every Christmas.

So why is Macca’s masterpiece the definitive yultide toe-tapper?

That bomb-ass synth sound

Does any other Christmas tune come close in terms of sonic innovation?

BOM BOM BOM BOM.

WAH WAH WAH WAH.

John Fugelsang once said it ‘sounds like two Casios f******’.



Which is pretty funny.

Except you’ve probably never heard of John Fugelsang, but you definitely know Wonderful Christmastime.

So he can f*** right off.

Sir Paul played all the instruments

Imagine for a moment being mid-career Paul McCartney.

‘Bye Linda, just nipping to the studio.’

‘Oh cool, who’s joining you today? Eric Clapton? Stevie Wonder? Michael Jackson?’

‘Nah. I’ll probably just bash out another timeless global smash hit on my own.’

‘I love you, Paul.’

He may have been drunk when he wrote it

Whatever, haters, I’ll concede this one point:

‘The word is out about the town / so lift a glass and don’t look down.’

Hardly a couplet befitting the greatest songwriter of all time.

But then… we all phone it in sometimes, don’t we?

W*** out the bare minimum at work so we can p*** off early, especially around Christmas time.

Difference is, when Sir Paul McCartney does it he still produces an evergreen radio-friendly classic.

It asks literally nothing of you

Do one (Photo: Adam Berry/Getty)

Other Xmas songs are so needy.

Like that Band Aid one, which more or less bullies you into setting up a charity standing order to Africa.

Or the Wham! single that makes you dwell unhappily on your s***ty ex.

Wonderful Christmastime carries no such baggage.

It’s simply about being with people you love, in the pub, at Christmas.

They practiced all year long

Bing bong bing, bing bong bing

Woo-ooo woo woo woo wooooooo.

Do-do, do-do, do-do do.

Suck on that.

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