VATICAN CITY—Roughly 48 hours after being bitten by the Holy Spirit, Pope Francis expressed concern that the wound inflicted by the unveiled Epiphany of God had become infected, Vatican sources reported Tuesday. “The little bastard only nipped me, but now it’s all swollen,” the Pope said, gingerly cradling his tender left arm, which had started to exhibit a pattern of inflamed crucifixes beneath the surface of the skin. “You can’t be too careful around that chippy fucker. I was just trying to feed it, and bam! Took a good chunk out of an archbishop last week, too, and he had to get, like, 30 shots.” The pontiff went on to say he might try dumping the Holy Spirit off at the Eastern Orthodox Church in Constantinople or just leave open the door to St. Peter’s Basilica and hope it runs off.

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