PHILADELPHIA, PA — A recently concluded study by Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) shed light on a little known correlation between breastfeeding and adult obesity.

The study found that 97% of all adults who suffer from obesity were breastfed as infants. The other 3% were too maladjusted for study because of their bottomless hunger for love that they carried with them everyday of their lives.

“The connection is simply too strong to ignore,” says Doctor Petersburg, who led the study. “What we’ve learned is that if you grew up to be a big fat person, we can say with near certainty that you were breastfed as an infant. It’s clearly a gateway food that leads to more harmful eating habits.”

“It’s a short hop from breast milk to a milk shake,” says Doctor Freeman, who assisted on the project.

While the study does not claim that everyone who breastfeeds will be overweight in adulthood, it does show a strong correlation that’s very difficult to ignore.

“Tit for tat your baby’s probably going to end up fat,” Doctor Petersburg quips before heading off to lunch.