Warning: The following purports to be a podcast review but it lies to you, because it mostly talks about me.

Candice Pool and Casey Neistat are crazy people. They got married after knowing each other for weeks, divorced, and then dated on and off for several years until finally getting married once again, this time more successfully. Well, not entirely successfully, as evidenced by their podcast, “Couple’s Therapy”. They are constantly at odds, about things that neither of them will ever change. Casey is a workaholic who sometimes prioritizes work over his family, and Candice occasionally has difficulties communicating her feelings until they boil over. At first, second, and third glance it seems like the two exude entropy and constantly lack relational cohesion. Their dedication to their love despite all despite all logic is what makes their marriage so inspiring. They are fighters, both with each other and for each other.

“Couples Therapy” gave me a new perspective on relationships, or specifically the relationship that I am — after listening to the show — no longer in. Listening to the stalwart couple bicker put me in a new headspace. Candice and Casey made me critically analyze my relationship in the same way that they do; bluntly stating issues and discussing if they could be solved. The problem’s that I’d been dealing with in my relationship couldn’t be solved. Deep down I knew that I wasn’t getting what I needed out of the relationship. As Casey always says, Let Me Explain.

I graduated college a few months ago, while my ex-girlfriend is just starting her Junior year at UC Santa Barbara. Since graduation, my life has simplified immensely. I bounce between my 9 to 5 marketing job, drinking with friends, and running. Since we started dating 11 months ago her life has only gotten more complex. She is a full time student, works 18 hours a week on a farm, does research in a sustainability lab, and manages to squeeze a tiny bit of time in for her friends. With our conflicting schedules, we only saw each other about 3 hours a week, with me being the one always begging for more. A staple of our relationship was my silent anxiety about the next time I’d see or hear from her.

The fighting spirit that Candice and Casey have to keep their relationship hobbling along is one that I didn’t see in my girlfriend. This fighting spirit something that never occurred to me until I listened to the podcast, and upon discovering their tenacity, I suddenly felt like I had always been taken for granted. Would she really be willing to fight her schedule to make some room in her life for a serious relationship? To put my theory to the test, I told her that I needed to be a bigger priority in her life or I just couldn’t stay happy in our relationship. To my dismay and utter misery, my hunch was right. The next day she told me, “I’ve seen much my lack of focus has been tormenting you and I want to do right by you by breaking up before I hurts you anymore. She didn’t have the fight in her. She gave up on us.

It wa Casey’s fighting spirit and inhuman dedication to achieving his goals that attracted me to his YouTube videos in the first place. With an almost religious devotion to his videos, he helped me gain that same fighting spirit. The same spirit that gave me the courage to stand up for my emotions in my relationship, the same fighting spirit that’s helped me pick right back up and keep moving forward despite this setback. The door for Sam to re-enter my life will always be open, but Casey taught me to always grab the next jungle vine and see where it takes me. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. Just like Candice and Casey, I’ll keep lookout for the love that is willing to fight as much as Candice and Casey are. Willing to fight as much as I am.