The strangest shit is always happening to your car. One day you get your mirrors kicked off , the next you have a giant fork through the top of it.

You ALWAYS want to wrestle. One second I’m standing in line for the ATM machine, next thing I know here comes the drunk challenging me to a cage match.

You’ll sleep ANYWHERE. And you never use a blanket no matter what the temperature. You sleep places my cat thinks is ridiculous.

You always bring home the ugliest girl at the bar and then brag about it. ” Go Ugly Early” is not a battle cry of the sober

You come home with the stupidest tattoos. When you’re sober you can’t even look at a needle but after one night of drinking you come home with a shaved head and a brain tattooed on your head.

You are always hitting on the younger sister. In your mind she seems to gain a year for every beer you drink. 10 Beers later she’s now 24 and ripe for the pickin.



You’ll talk to ANYONE. It doesn’t matter who it is, you’re up for conversation. Not that anyone can understand a word you’re saying anyway.