THERE wasn’t a particular moment for Paddy Ryder, more a long build-up of factors that tipped him over the edge.

But one incident rocked him to his core.

His partner, Jess McDonald, was at a function when she was ­approached by a stranger whom she figured was going to compliment her on the bundle of joy cradled in her arms.

Instead, the person looked at her new son, Harlan, and said: “You going to grow up to be a drug cheat like your dad?”

MORE: Ryder’s contentious free agency move

HIRD: ASADA fight gets fast tracked

Given what they’d been through over the previous 12 months — worrying night and day about whether their son would be healthy when born — she was understandably horrified by the remark.

The emotion is obvious in Ryder’s voice when he explains how the football club he loved broke his heart and why for his own health and family happiness he needs to escape the Essendon bubble.

media_camera Essendon ruckman Paddy Ryder with his wife Jess son Harlan, 11mths, and daughter Liliana, 4. Picture: David Caird.

“I suppose it’s gone on for so long,” he says.

“If it had been done and dusted and all wrapped up within six months, as I trusted it would — and everyone was telling us that it was going to be over soon — then I would still be happy to be at the footy club.

“But two years is a long time to be worrying and having a lot of uncertainty ­surrounding everything.

“It has just got to the point now where I feel for me to keep playing footy, I need to be elsewhere.”

Ryder got sick of being told not to worry when that was all he was doing.

Even during games he would think about the concerns over his son’s health.

These fears were first raised at an ASADA interview — at that stage Jess was pregnant with Harlan — where he learnt there was potential for complications with the birth because of the supplements program he was part of in 2012.

media_camera Essendon coach James Hird.

“We were told that we could have serious complications for our child,” he said. “It just put so much stress on my partner and my family. It’s something that we couldn’t hide from.

“The only place I could ­really hide was on the footy field but even then it hasn’t been easy going out there and I did play one of my best ­seasons for the club.

“But heading into game day my head was not right, it hasn’t been 100 per cent.

“There have been times this year where I thought it was starting to get too much for me.

“Sometimes in games I would go missing because it was always there.

“Mentally and physically I have turned up to the club this year and not really wanted to be there.

“I guess playing footy on the weekend, I have got the opposition out there looking to beat me and make me look stupid so I have to make sure I do everything I can to perform.

“But the lead-up and all during the week when you’re not on the footy ground is the time when you can’t ­actually get it out of your head.”

The final straw for Ryder was when the “show cause” email from ASADA landed in his inbox in midyear.

“It was just more bad news and it just kept coming. As time passes that trust you have with the club just slowly diminishes because you’re told stuff but you see the opposite happening,” he said.

When the controversial supplements program was introduced, Ryder went along with it because of the trust he had for those running the club.

“It was just a new thing, it was pretty full-on but when you get into the footy club you don’t question anything.

media_camera Paddy Ryder on the field. Picture: Wayne Ludbey

“Once you’re told by everyone at the club that ‘it is going to be OK and this what we are looking to do’, you trust the word of the club. All the players have trust and faith in the club and the decisions that they make.

“We were told it was going to be good for our footy and stuff like that.

“We wanted to improve as a team so most of the boys didn’t question that. As long as we were told everything was fine, you don’t question anything.”

He still doesn’t know for certain what was injected into his body two years ago and only in recent weeks did ­Harlan — born a year ago — get the all-clear in terms of his long-term health.

Ryder, who wants to be traded to Port Adelaide before next Thursday’s deadline, is hopeful Essendon follows through on its statement that it has the players’ interests at heart first and foremost in the ASADA scandal.

“The club says that they have the players’ best interests at heart and they want to look after the players,” he said. “This is what I feel is best for me and I think I would like them to understand that.

“I’ve already told the club it’s not about money, it’s about my happiness and my family.”

There had been suggestions that Jess, who he will marry in Port Douglas next weekend, was the reason he quit the Bombers because she wanted to return to Queensland.

“People have said she wants to go home to Queensland. She is originally from up there but her family aren’t there, her family is here in Melbourne,” Ryder said. “The closest person to her is her mum, who lives in Melbourne. This is just for myself and my footy. I think the best thing for me is to get out of Melbourne.”

scott.gullan@news.com.au