"Sir Alex Ferguson once fined Aberdeen's John Hewitt for having the temerity to overtake his manager on a public road," writes Christian McKenzie. "Is that the most ridiculous reason for a fine in football?"

It might well be, Christian, but if the FA is going to continue this policy of fining players for comments made on Twitter then we will probably have some other strong contenders in the near future. In the meantime, here are a few to consider. "Brian Clough (who else?) once fined Kenny Burns for playing a square ball across his own 18-yard line," recalls Paul Miller. "He even presented Kenny with the typed-up fine at half-time." And Alex Bromley offers this trio: "Amateur side Feltham Cowboys FC impose a 50p fine for doing an air kick during a match, which I think is a super idea and one that League 1 and 2 could increase revenue should they also state it as a rule. In 2002, everyone's favourite prankster, Robbie Savage, was docked two weeks wages for using referee Graham Poll's toilet."

Arsenal's David Hillier found himself in deeper doodoo in 1996 when he was brought before court to explain why he, upon his return from holiday at Gatwick airport, made off with a Danish businessman's suitcase. The magistrates accepted the player's plea that is had been a momentary act of stupidity for which he was profoundly sorry, and only imposed a fine for the player's odd behaviour.

In 2008 Sir Alex Ferguson fined Cristiano Ronaldo £8,000 for sending a text message during training, while this photograph goes some way towards explaining why the former Vietnam defender, Tran Hai Lam, was fined for this "uncultured deed". And since this whole question was prompted by a motoring offence of sorts, let's recall that only last April, the Ipswich Town defender Damien Delaney told South East Suffolk's magistrates that the reason he was driving at 44mph in a 30mph zone was that he was in danger of being late for training and "I had an unreasonable boss [Roy Keane] and was worried I'd be docked two weeks' wages." The court fined Delaney £235 and slapped four points on his licence, a punishment that is unlikely to have been more costly than losing two weeks wages.

DOUBLE TIME

"According to press reports Waterford United scored two goals in 27 seconds against Mervue United in a recent League of Ireland First Division match," writes Sean De Loughry. "Is this some sort of record?"

Trying to catch out the Knowledge with a bum steer, eh Sean? Waterford's opponents when that quickfire brace was scored were not Mervue but rather Salthill Devon, on 17 June last (perhaps you were thinking of the meeting with Mervue because of this magnificent goal?). Still, 27 seconds is impressive. One of the closest we can find from the Bundesliga, for example, came in August 2009 when Bochum began their comeback from 3-0 to Borussia Monchengladbach by banging in two goals in 48 seconds. That is one second less than it took Fabrice Muamba to score a winner for Bolton Wanderers after Mame Biram Diouf had equalised for Blackburn during last December's Premier League clash. So far we have been unable to find two goals scored in closer succession than Waterford's pair, but we would surely have beaten it last October if Iceland's Under-21 players had not spent so long celebrating after opening the scoring against their Scotland counterparts – it certainly wasn't Chris Maguire's fault that this beauty hit the net 53 seconds after Iceland's goal.

But surely the quickest involves Knowledge regular and Bayern Leverkusen keeper Hans-Jörg Butt, who famously scored a penalty in 2004 against Schalke and then was lobbed straight from kick-off by Mike Hanke while still celebrating. We make it around 23 seconds. Perhaps our readers know of two goals in closer chronological proximity?

FOOTBALLER-INSPIRED ALBUM COVERS (2) AND FOOTBALLERS REFERENCED IN SONGS

Last week we looked at album covers which featured football in some way, shape or form. You've been busy sending more examples of when football and music collide.

"The Clash's Sandinista featured the band photographed against a wall daubed with West Ham graffiti," writes Michael Samaras. "On some of the various releases and re-releases the writing was airbrushed out – presumably because the band weren't Hammers fans."

"If my memory serves me well I think you will find a West Brom scarf on the cover of Backless by Eric Clapton," says Eamon Byrne. Your memory is good, Eamon.

"Reasonably surprised this one didn't come up but Terry Venables is on the cover of Morrissey's Dagenham Dave," says Ben Smith while Robert Morris says "the inside cover of St Etienne's Foxbase Alpha has a picture of St Etienne's Dominic Rocheteau."

Mark Jones has a Catatonia reference. "Mid-90s Catatonia B-side Do You Believe in Me? opens with the lyric 'I'm Andy Cole's tortured soul, lost out again in front of goal.' This from an era when a top-selling piece of Catatonia merchandise was a red football-style shirt not dissimilar to the then-current Manchester United shirt, with 'Catatonia 7' on the back and the sponsor's name on the front reading 'Sheep'.

Brian Buckley then steered the discussion in a slightly different direction by posing this musical-based question: "Following on from both the football-inspired band names and football-inspired album covers, can we complete the circle and ask for footballers mentioned in songs? And yes, this is a thinly veiled attempt to shoehorn Los Campesinos' line from All Your Kayfabe Friends: 'You asked if I'd be anyone from history, fact or fiction, dead or alive. I said I'd be Tony Cascarino circa 1995' into the Knowledge."

Tom Aldous claims to have the definitive answer to this question. "The best song ever about football, Kicker Conspiracy by The Fall, mentions George Best, Jimmy Hill and Bert Millichip. Another song by The Fall that mentions a footballer is Symbol of Mordgan which is basically a conversation between John Peel and The Fall's guitarist Craig Scanlon in which David Rocastle is mentioned."

Nick Wood also has some quality football-related lyrics. "Flyscreen's obscure Size Five Leather EP from 1996 is a veritable treasure trove of four football-themed tracks. From what I recall, it was played quite heavily on Radio 1's Evening Session. Not only does it feature 'Your Phil Neal For My Willie Johnstone', but also the standout 'Charlie George on Super 8' which includes the line 'does Tommy Smith take vitamin C?' in addition to references to the lank-haired Arsenal forward. And then you've got My Book by the Beautiful South, which includes the less than flattering line of 'mother played by Peter Beardsley/father by John Cleese'."

Nicholas Einhorn is one of a number of people to cite Half Man Half Biscuit. "They make tons of football references in their music," he writes. "My favourite is, from I Went to a Wedding ... 'And at a table nearby I heard a girl saying, to a tall balding guest, so you're Brad Friedel, I'm mildly impressed.'

Martin Durkin has another unlikely song lyric. "The song Haha by British Rapper Ty contains the line "You stay Rushing with Ian, I'm Ronnie Whelan …" for reasons unknown."

And while it's not technically a song, Sean McCann has a story too good to leave out. "In 1994 I was lucky enough to record an album at Arnold Muhren studios in Volendam with my band The Sugar Merchants (later to become Audioweb – we were slightly successful a few years later). We were from Manchester and obviously the name rang a bell with us and we wanted to know what was what. It turns out our Arnold was a famous Dutch musician from a band called The Cats (featured on the compilation album) who had an equally famous footballing namesake in his cousin. Mr Muhren and his family were the nicest people you could ever hope to meet and a few weeks into our being there his cousin turns up and we had a knock about with him ... marvellous."

KNOWLEDGE ARCHIVE

Did Ken Dodd ever play Glasgow the Monday after Rangers and Celtic both lost?

"Ken Dodd and other comedians of his era were fond of belittling their modern counterparts by saying that if they want to be compared with the old guys, they should try playing the Glasgow Empire on a wet winter Monday after Rangers and Celtic both lost at home on the Saturday," recalled Tom Paternoster back in 2003. "Given that these two only seem to lose two games a season, has this scenario ever actually happened?"

It's highly unlikely, Tom. Because not only do Rangers and Celtic rarely lose on the same day, they also aren't allowed to play at home on the same day. And frankly, if you were one of 2,000 (at the most) policemen charged with trying to control 100,000 drunken Celtic and Rangers fans staggering through Glasgae on a Saturday afternoon, you'd know why.

But, home or away, they're not invincible and sometimes, they have to lose. And we're still betting that if Ken Dodd had played the Empire on Thursday 23 August 2001, the day after Rangers and Celtic were beaten in the European Cup by Fenerbahce and Ajax respectively, the gig would have gone down about as well as Peter Ridsdale wandering into a Leeds tavern on a Saturday night.

For thousands more questions and answers take a trip through the Knowledge archive.

CAN YOU HELP?

"Last week whilst playing for my local pub team, I struck a superb free-kick around the wall, past the goalkeeper and against a car windscreen 25 yards behind the target," boasts an unrepentant Ian Brush. "The windscreen duly shattered. But my question is what is the worst act of inadvertent damage caused by the shot of a professional footballer during a professional match?"

"During this season, Sandnes Ulf of the Norwegian Adeccoligaen, our equivalent to your Championship, have been awarded 13 penalties in 18 matches," notes Jarle Steira. "So, the question pops up: what is the highest number of penalties that have been awarded to a single team during one season?"

"I notice Stuart Taylor, of Arsenal/Villa/City reserve keeper fame, has played in a grand total of 69 matches in 14 years," writes Will de Freitas. "Which professional footballers have made fewer appearances in a full career? Only counting players in consistent employment and good health. I'd imagine the 'winner' will be a goalkeeper. What is the record for an outfield player?"

Send your questions and answers to knowledge@theguardian.com.