On functional depression and anxiety





I keep seeing an inability to function posited on this site as the absolute nadir, the holy grail of depression, as if mental health problems are only real if you are in bed, refusing to shower and forgetting to eat.

I think this means that those of us who are ‘functional’ are often seen as suffering less, or that we have not truly hit rock bottom. A large part of this may be that a sizeable portion of the Tumblr demographic is quite young and composed of people who have not yet had to fend for themselves.

The fact is, for many of us, the terrifying threat of poverty simply has to come first before getting better in any way or allowing ourselves to address issues. I have wished in the past so much that I could just stay in bed for two weeks and sort out my head, cry, have a meltdown, and perhaps go some time without showering.

I’m not depressed now, but my generalised anxiety makes working an ordeal every single day (lmao my brain doesn’t rest from work anxiety over the weekend, I’m afraid).

But there are bills to pay, and some of us have kids to feed, pets to look after, and no sick pay or vacation days at our disposal. So even if you have lain awake all night in existential dread, even if you have to stick your headphones in and turn your music up every morning because you can feel a panic attack coming on when you are on the train to work or college, and when one small bit of criticism from your boss means that you cry in the bathroom and have learnt how to splash water on your face to stop the telltale signs of your misery manifesting themselves in the office, you go on. You have no choice, none whatsoever.

So my point is this – even falling, even being depressed, is mired in classism to the point that not functioning is some kind of weird privilege. And don’t get me wrong - if you can’t function, it’s hardly something great. It’s terrible and crushing and damaging. Even those of us who are ‘functional’ can’t go on and almost always end up having some sort of meltdown. But please don’t think that it’s any easier for the functional ones - it’s often exactly the opposite. It’s torture because it’s relentless. Bills and responsibilities don’t give a shit about your mental health, so if you have a good support network and your finances don’t rely on you turning up to your job every single working day, be grateful for that.

