On the same day that a friend complained to me about how many query letters he gets that start with “salutations!” and then continue to indicate that the writer knows nothing about what his company publishes, I received a proposal from someone who calls himself a “humorist” and also “chief cook and bottle washer.” Both were good examples of how to be rejected by publishers. I know it’s hard to catch a publisher’s eye, but many of the tricks writers use to attract attention actually put them straight into the no list. Here are some:

1. Include flowery, writerly or otherwise stilted language

If you’re too embarrassed to read it aloud, I’ll be too embarrassed to read it, let alone publish it.

2. Use boldface, all caps, italics and other stunts

The use of typographical tricks like boldface and all caps isn’t just annoying, it tells me that you’re not confident enough in your own writing to let it tell its own story without resorting to embellishment.

3. Include glaring errors

We all makes mistakes — there are probably more than a couple in this — but some are worse than others and indicate the writer might not have enough command of the language to be worth my time.

4. Use cliché

You can bet that if I’ve read it a million times that I’m not looking forward to a million and one.

5. Give me some lazy writing

If your 200-word query or 2,000-word proposal doesn’t retain my interest, your full-length book certainly won’t.

6. Demonstrate stridency

Don’t assume I agree with your opinion. And, even if I do, I still need a cogent argument as to why I or any other reader should.

7. Have too small a scope

Is what you’re hoping to publish really a book? Are you sure it isn’t a magazine article or blog post?

8. Be self-aggrandizing

Don’t tell me how good you are, show me in your writing. Always remember — show, don’t tell.

If you need help with writing, editing or publishing, let me know at thewritingpal@gmail.com.