You’re having sex all wrong. In fact, you’re doing it backwards. Sex is a much more complicated experience than most would like to have it. Most have become accustomed to the "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" method so often showcased in pornography. And while I don’t want to blame the porn industry for ruining sex… I don’t really have anyone better to put the blame on.

Sex is more than just intercourse. Sure, there is that as well, but you will never, ever have great, mind-blowing sex, if you stick only to the part when at least one of you gets off.

By one of you, I mean the guy because let’s be honest. Sex is a lot less physical and a lot more mental than you think. Most women already know this, but men on the other hand… most men can’t tell the difference between having sex with another person and having sex with their right hands. It all ends with the same finale, right? It doesn’t have to.

Our sex lives have become entirely end-goal oriented. All we want to do is finish. Maybe saying that it’s become this way isn’t exactly accurate. Rather, sex has always been this way. The purpose of sex, historically speaking, has always been reproduction. Over time, we realized that while we enjoyed the pleasure that we experience during sex, we don’t so much enjoy the experience that comes nine months later.

From that point we made it our mission to figure out ways to have sex without reproducing – and we managed brilliantly. Now there are countless ways for you to ensure that you almost certainly will not plant any seeds when you don’t want them planted. Nevertheless, we’re still focused on the point of planting.

Sex is about pleasure – no one is saying otherwise. But why is it that we are rushing to finish? Once you finish… you finish. Don’t we want to experience as much pleasure as possible while we are still in the position to do so? Is it not wiser to put off the grand finale for as long as possible so that you can enjoy the first three acts?

No one is denying that the finale is one of our favorite parts, but you don’t go see a movie or a play just for the ending. You want to know how the characters got to the end. You want to know the story, the action, mystery and excitement. So why is it that when it comes to sex, we want to skip over all of that and get to the part when it’s all over?

There’s really only one reason that I can think of: We’re bored of the story. We know how we got to the end because we’ve gotten to the end the very same way each and every time. This story is the same as every other story we’ve undressed and, to be honest, we’re really just looking to put the book down and get to sleep.

I think it’s time that you admit to yourself how boring your sex life really is. Sure, you may be going out and partying, enjoying yourself, chatting up that sexy individual at the bar, but you already know how things are going to play out before they play out. You are following the very same path that you always follow and because the results are already common knowledge, you experience minimal excitement.

Sex without excitement is like… well, sex without excitement. A flaccid sex life is a boring sex life. If you want to improve your sexual encounters, then the first thing you need to do is to change the story – you need to get to the final chapter via a different route than usual. This all starts with the location you meet your partner.

Don’t meet at your usual spot, I understand that it makes you feel comfortable, but sex isn’t about being comfortable, is it? Surround yourself with novel surroundings because doing so will focus your sense on them. Finding yourself at the same watering hole, trying to pick up the same type of man or woman only creates a story that you’ve already read.

The beginning to the night is crucial and should always be novel. Try out different places. Try out different types of men or women. Try out different ways of introducing yourself and different conversation topics.

Try new things and always do your best to keep things novel. If you want better sex, then you’re going to need to mix things up a bit. It all starts way before you begin having coitus. In fact, the parts leading up to sex are much more important than the sex itself. Ask a woman. If she doesn't get an adequate amount of foreplay, then she’s not really going to enjoy herself as much as you are.

Sex is 80 percent mental, 20 percent physical. Men seem to have a much more difficult time understanding this than do women, but that’s probably because it’s a lot easier to satisfy a man than it is a woman.

Flirting and foreplay are what really make sex fun – if you skip ahead to the ending then you’ll only find yourself unsatisfied. You have to warm up the car before you take it for a ride, and the better and longer you warm it up, the more the engine is going to purr when you step on the gas.

Play mind games and not just physical ones. Make them want to know you, want to figure you out, want to have you because they feel that you’re worth having. You, to them, are a physical object – so be a physical object that every man and/or woman would desire. Show them why you’re worth the sex.

Show them how great you can make them feel and, in return, they will reciprocate. Sex is a game and while there aren’t (or at least shouldn’t be) winners and losers, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a sense of competition.

Your goal is to outdo, mentally and physically, the other person. If they’re worth keeping around then they’ll give you a run for your money and you’ll both find yourself in orgasmic bliss – and way before either of you actually finish.

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