Born in Bristol, Russell Howard, 39, got his break on TV show Mock The Week in 2006. From 2009 to 2015, he had his own show on BBC Three; a third series of The Russell Howard Hour is currently on Sky One. Respite, his third world tour, continues until September. He is married and lives in London.

What is your greatest fear?

Dying or rats. Death by rats would be the worst. I went to a rat temple in India last year and I was screeching like a pensioner in a cold bath.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

When I was 13, I was sick on the teacup ride at a fair in front of the whole year, having stepped on to it for a laugh.

What would your superpower be?

Invisibility. I would go to the zoo and make one of the penguins fly just to freak out the others.

What makes you unhappy?

I was in Sainsbury’s and a bloke threw money at the lady on the checkout and said, “Pick it out of that, love.” There is something about that that really kills me.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Wonky eyes, weird slanting forehead, the fact that I look like Ellen DeGeneres.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?

T-bone steak-flavoured Roysters crisps.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?

I wouldn’t lose my virginity at an army camp and then roll over on to an ants’ nest.

What do you owe your parents?

Everything. I lived at home until I was 23.

Who would play you in the film of your life?

Judi Dench.

Which living person do you most admire and why?

Billy Connolly, who is a brilliantly funny man. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t adore him.

What is your favourite smell?

Sharpies, freshly mown grass, petrol or babies’ heads.

What is top of your bucket list?

I’d like to have kids.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Homes Under The Hammer.

What does love feel like?

Like you have nothing to prove.

Have you ever said “I love you” without meaning it?

To many, many audiences.

Which living person do you most despise and why?

Any influencer that uses their status to flog shit to people.

What is the worst job you’ve ever done?

Once, I was MC at a Christmas gig in Romford and a woman threw a dildo at my face.

What has been your biggest disappointment?

Seeing Bob Dylan live.

What song would you like played at your funeral?

Don’t Stop Believin’ [by Journey].

How would you like to be remembered?

I would just like to be remembered.

Tell us a joke

The Queen pulled her bedcovers up to her neck and said, “Look Philip, I’m a stamp.”