Captains log, Stardate 31415.592, we have landed on the planet Carne IV. We were experiencing a warp drive malfunction and had to land before the ship got blowed up. Our records of this planet say that it is inhabited by a primitive race of people who call themselves Angasal. We have yet to encounter them, but I have sent out a security detail to scout our surroundings.

Captains log, Stardate 27182.8, something has happened to the scouts When we woke in the morning and there was a ripped red shirt hanging from a tree. I think it was Smith’s…or Rodrigo’s….well it was someone’s. Anyway, now that things have gotten serious the senior officers and I have decided to venture into the wilderness and save the day.

Captains log, Stardate 14142.135, the Angasal are amazing! I don’t know what the hell Franklin’s (…Westin’s?) problem with them was. We show up to their camp and they immediately have us sit down at a huge table and pour us a nice glass of Merlot. Then we had a very enjoyable conversation about the weather and how their kids are doing, and we also spent a lot of time making fun of Vladamir for being so useless. Once we were all on our third or forth glass the chef for the evening, Viande, came by and laid out the main course. It was an incredibly delicious meaty lasagna. There was a brief moment where I wondered how this culture on the other side of the galaxy from Earth knew about lasagna, but then the wine kicked in at it was all good. After it was all done and I was stuffed, I called Viande over and asked for the recipe.

Meatsauce

2 red onion dice

5 cloves garlic minced

3 tbs olive oil

¼ stick butter

2 packs mushrooms chopped

3 lbs ground beef

6 oz chorizo

4 tbs fresh dill

2 tbs each sage, fennel seed, cayenne, cumin, basil,

salt and pepper to taste

1 lb can crushed tomato

1 lb can diced tomato

6 oz can tomato paste

1 lemon juiced

Everything Else

10 oz fresh mozzarella sliced

16 0z grated parmesan

16 oz crumbled feta

1/2 package lasagna noodles.

Begin by warming the olive oil and butter in a large frying pan. Once hot, put in the onions and garlic and saute over medium heat for about 10-15 minutes. Once the onions are soft put in the mushrooms an cook for another 10 minutes, stirring occasional. Next add in the ground beef and chorizo and cook until the beef has browned, another 10-15 minutes.

Now the meat mixture should be transferred to a slow cooker, or large pot if you don’t have the slow cooker. Add in the remaining meat sauce ingredients and stir thoroughly. Cook the mixture over medium heat for 1.5-2 hours, stirring occasionally. Once that is done cook the lasagna sheets for 7-10 minutes in boiling water and drain, and mix the parmesan and feta together. Start preheating the oven to 350 degrees, and now time to assemble!

Begin by spraying your large pyrex with nonstick spray, and then add a layer of meatsauce on the bottom of you pan. Next cover with lasagna sheets and slices of mozzarella. Add another layer of meatsauce and about 1/2 of the cheese mixture. Put on another layer of noodle and mozzarella and then cover with the remaining meatsauce. Spread the remaining cheese mixture of the top and cover with aluminum foil. Put in the oven for 30 minutes, then remove the foil and cook for another 10 or until the cheese is melted and a little browned. Slice and enjoy!

Meatpocalypse score: 3.0/4.0 – It was tasty, maybe a little too rich with all the meat and cheese. Also not that pretty in the end.

Girlfriend score: 3.0/4.0 – Tasty, but too rich.