I noticed them while I was brushing my teeth. Just walk right up to them, I told myself. Walk up and say hello. It’s either that or go to bed at 9PM and wake up in the morning with no friends. I stared at the wall, brushing… brushing… brushing. When I’m done, I’ll go over there. As long as I brushed my teeth, I had a reason to be standing nearby, near enough to hear the group of travelers sitting in my hostel’s common room, but not close enough to interact with them. Once my teeth were clean I’d just be a guy staring in a mirror. The guy who stares at the mirror is a weirdo. The guy who brushes his teeth is busy, but busy guy could be important, cool, social, fun. He could be anybody.

I finished brushing my teeth and strode confidently towards my dorm room, in the opposite direction of the group. I have to put my things away. I can’t socialize with a toothbrush in my hand. The guy talking to you with a toothbrush in his hand is weird. I entered my room. The boy in his early twenties still sat in his top bunk, staring at his computer. He’d been sitting in that position every time I entered my dorm room that evening. It was late now. Others had shown up in their respective beds. Some read, others slept. I will not be one of them, I told myself. I will not be him, mentally pointing to the boy in the top bunk.

I exited my dorm room and walked the hall towards the common area. It was a long hall. It gave me time to think about what I was doing. Too much time. I stopped just before the corner, where they couldn’t see me. Doubts swept into my mind. They’re all about to go to sleep. They all know each other— No. I can do this. I stepped out into view. My strides shrunk. My face shriveled. Say hello. Say hello. Say hello! “How’s it goin’?” I said casually. “Mind if I join you?” I moved towards the only empty chair. This was a mistake. Pull back! They don’t know you. I can see the disgust on their faces. Someone is sitting here already. I’m not welcome. They’re going to hate you.

“Sure!” “Yeah!” “Hey!” “Sit down,” came the chorus of responses.

* * *

It’s been six months. Six months in Asia. Six months traveling. Six months solo. It gets easier. The anxiety around approaching new people has faded. The fear of rejection has disappeared. I don’t get along with everyone and not everyone wants to continue the conversation a few minutes after it’s started, but that’s rare. There are lonely days, and there are unexpected joys. I’ve learned and grown but make the same mistakes over and over. I get frustrated with myself for not learning fast enough. Overall, I’m comfortable.

Once you pass five months, you will have traveled for longer than 75% percent of the other travelers you meet. Newcomers will consider you a veteran of the road and expect you to be able to share your wisdom and guide them. I’m a new member of that veteran’s club, so let me share my wisdom now before I learn how wrong I am.