MEN called Robert believe they are better than other men because they can be called Rob, Robbie or even Bob.

The Roberts have admitted they look down on Ians, Simons and Pauls, trapped in the prisons of their fixed, unchangeable forenames.

Rob Fletcher of Chester said: “Each morning, I arise and cloak myself in whatever permutation of my name best suits my mood. Will I be the formal Robert today, or everyman Bob? Perhaps even the playful Bobby?

“Maybe Bert, that trustworthy working-class stalwart, will make an appearance. Or his twin and polar opposite, the aristocratic fop Bertie?

“I pity the Dave, or David, who thinks himself society’s chameleon with a mere two possible names.

“The whole world is a Robert’s amusement park.”