Look, I do not relish making light of attempted murder. But sometimes you just need to write about a really crazy attempted murder.

A Brazilian woman has been accused of trying to kill her husband by putting poison in her vagina and asking him to have oral sex with her.

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The intended victim -- identified only as a 43-year-old man from Sao de Jose Rio Preto -- knew something was going on when he noticed an unfamiliar odor coming from his wife's freshly poisoned nether region.

But here's the thing about vaginas, as this woman soon learned: They are very porous.

Realizing that his wife was probably absorbing a majority of the poison she had intended to kill him with, he brought her to the hospital and saved her life.

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This guy! He is totally down to perform oral sex 24/7 and will generously rush you to the emergency room after you try to kill him. And they say chivalry is dead!

But he is nobody's fool: Sources reveal the man intends to sue his wife for attempted murder.