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Don't force your child to explain why they feel bad. They might not even know the words for what they're feeling. Just take the conversation at their pace and encourage them to talk with you.

Ask more questions if they're having difficulty talking to you. For example, “Are you upset that Mommy told you that Santa Claus was real or are you feeling embarrassed because you enjoyed the story so much?” This will help you figure out how to direct the conversation.

When you explain why you promoted the story of Santa, use “I” language: “I wanted you to experience…,” or, “I hoped that you would…,” or, “I believed that it was best because…” This language is active and claims ownership, not putting any responsibility on the child.

Acknowledge how your child is feeling by saying something like, “I understand that this might feel confusing and that you're upset with me. I'd like us to talk more about it so that I can explain.” If your child's feelings are not directed at you, replace "upset with me" with what they're feeling.

You can also say, “I respect how you're feeling right now and it was never my intention to betray your trust. I encouraged the story of Santa Claus because it represents what I hold dear about Christmas: kindness, giving, and generosity. I would like very much to talk about your feelings and I want you to know that you can trust me.”

Let your child know that they are your biggest priority and that your job is to love, nurture, and protect them and that you would never do anything to violate their trust. Then explain, again, why you chose to participate in the story of Santa Claus, your interpretation of Christmas, and that Santa isn't a lie, but a mysterious story meant to spread joy.

If their disappointment isn't directed at you, but rather at the fact that Santa isn't real, you can point out that while it's fine to be disappointed that there's no literal magic, there's still all the other wonderful aspects of Christmas like the tree, the food, etc, which can feel almost magical.

If they're embarrassed, let them know that it's perfectly normal that they believed, and that they're not stupid or gullible. Say something like, "I know you feel dumb realising that you believed something made-up until you were eight, but it doesn't mean you're not smart. My friend Billy believed until he was ten!" (though only share stories like that if they are true; now is not the time for white lies.)

Your child is likely to be just fine upon hearing the truth about Santa Claus and will not need reassurance or have an emotional response. However, some children do have an emotional response, and that's perfectly acceptable. They may feel betrayed, disappointed in you, or angry at you for "lying", or they may feel sad or grumpy, not at you, but simply because they're disappointed that Santa isn't real. They may also be embarrassed that they were able to believe something that seems so ridiculous now, or simply feel confused, because Mommy and Daddy always told them not to lie, so why would they have claimed Santa was real if he wasn't? Fortunately, if there is any negative reaction, it should not last very long.