Kate Middleton is getting married today in a wedding fit for exactly what she is about to be – a princess. The opulence of the royal wedding is overshadowed only by the media bonanza surrounding the event, from TV stations dedicated to weeks of lead-up coverage to articles even in respectable US magazines like the New Yorker covering every inane detail imaginable. The royal wedding speaks to deeply held values about love and romance, a real-world fantasy of the princess fairytale that we are force-fed from childhood; one that is so compelling we are able to ignore mass atrocities worldwide as we make it the top story on almost every news source.

Amidst the media frenzy, it was revealed yesterday that similar to her late and revered mother-in-law-to-be Lady Di, Middleton will also not be taking the vow to "obey" her knight in shining armour Prince William. In the face of the cultural institution that is the British monarchy and the symbolism of the royal wedding as all things antiquated and traditional about marriage, does changing one word really matter?

Sadly, no. First off, the vows Middleton is progressively editing are ancient. Even the church dropped "obey" from their vows almost 100 years ago, in 1922. As fellow Cif writer Amanda Marcotte said to me sarcastically, "I'm glad that the royal family has caught up to the 1920s. I look forward to an exciting new future when the women start wearing pants and the men learn how to hold infants."

Beyond that, the question has been asked as to whether Middleton will be the harbinger of modernity to the otherwise stuffy traditionalism that exemplifies the royal family. She has been, after all, unapologetically referred to as a "commoner" (truly adding to the fairytale quality of this story). She is also related to one of Britain's foremost social theorists and early feminist pioneers, Harriet Martineau. But neither of these seemingly downplayed characteristics of Middleton actually defines the princess spectacle she is in the media. What Middleton is known for is her perseverance and patience in waiting for her royal beau to come around and marry, her fashion choices and her lack of focus on a career.

In short, from what is seen in the media, Middleton is hardly representative of a modern woman. Women today have to work (both by choice and out of necessity) and ideally, today's women don't wait around for men to shape up (although this is the very stuff of romantic fairytales, modern and antiquated). And it turns out, most young women don't want to be Middleton either. In a YouGov study, 86% of over 1000 women 18 years of age and up said they are not envious of her position. Why? Because of the tremendous scrutiny she will face and her continuing inability to live a normal life – a truly tragic side effect of being a woman in the media. (In fairness, about 10% reported they would like to be in her overpriced shoes.)

While many women may not want to be her, almost all women have been socialised to want to play princess, despite all the demographic shifts that have made this narrative increasingly imaginary. Traditional marriage is all but dead, with couples either delaying marriage or forgoing it altogether. The shortcomings of traditional marriage are well documented, be it the high cost of weddings, unhappy couples, the epidemic of sexless marriage, incidents of cheating or high divorce rates.

The changing socio-cultural import of marriage has led to an outgrowth of creative alternatives. Do-it-yourself vows are a growing trend. Many young progressives see penning their own promises as a way to modernise an antiquated institution. But while vows are an important and personal part of what a wedding means to a couple, changing a few words doesn't really change an institution that relies on very specific (and exclusionary) ideas of nationhood, tradition, and history. Until the larger political and economic implications of marriage shift, the small personal changes, while personally meaningful, are a drop in the bucket.

Middleton's modernity is not going to come from the absence of one little word, even one as loaded as "obey". It will only come from the ways in which she transforms the institution of royal marriage, not to mention what she does with her newfound power and influence. Will she continue to be a living Barbie doll, most notable for her fashion choices? Or will she make a strategic effort for social change through her newfound fame? For most young, modern women, the princess fantasy might still be strong, but it's life after the ball that really matters.