Bills



Strengths: EJ Manuel now entering second year in same terrible system; Franchise provides eight linebacking jobs for struggling city of Buffalo



Weakness: Team could actually benefit from ownership of Jon Bon Jovi



Roster: EJ Manuel and C.J. Spiller are key to restoring Bills to glory days of getting blown out in Super Bowl every year



Key Rookie: Sammy Watkins has the ability to get open downfield and watch his quarterback get sacked



Biggest Question: Who the fuck will be dumb enough to buy this garbage heap of a franchise?



Long-Term Strategy: Continue sucking until Super Bowl-contending roster eventually materializes in locker room



Schedule: Week 9 bye comes at perfect time for players to start planning January vacations



Fun Fact: Toronto is big market with incredibly passionate fans who would love an NFL franchise



Movie To Begin Watching Halfway Through Second Quarter: The Game (rated R, 129 min.)—A wealthy middle-aged man (Michael Douglas) enters into a dangerous real-world game of cat and mouse where no one can be trusted and nothing is as it seems