50 Things I Worry About

If we are defined as humans in part by the things we choose to worry over, let the following list be a window into the psyche of a Mate on a research vessel, and a portrait of a modern sailor in the style of Picasso.

200 pounds of the Chinese space lab landing “safely out to sea.” Hitting a whale, or a container full of rubber duckies bound for Walmart that’s fallen off a cargo ship and is floating a foot underwater. Rust in dark places Bedbugs, lice, dental problems and the flu Fishing gear in the thrusters Watching expensive science gear disappear under the bow Running out of floss Running out of bleach Running out of hand lotion Having enough good coffee, and the means to brew it Becoming a hoarder (see #6 through #9) How often will laundry need to be secured to keep science happy or make it through an in-port UFO’s Whether the Captain & Chief Scientist are getting enough sleep Whether doing this job means I’m not normal Whether I’ll be normal when I get home in 3 or 4 or 6 months Whether my cat will remember me Extra-Tropical storms that have no names and don’t make the CNN news feed Covert stashes of fireworks Ice that’s not in a glass or a cooler Whether my podcasts were saved after downloading Running backwards off the treadmill when the ship takes a roll Wire angle and the inevitable wind shift Stowaways Unreported harassment The Alien-esque eruption of my inner bitch The last time that yoga mat was washed Becoming complacent Losing socks Explaining binge-drinking and cigar-smoking to my physician Using the right words when speaking on the radio Blood on the gangway Under-keel clearance GPS spoofing Safe working load Clean pillows Staying fit enough to be useful Remembering how to do my job after giving it over to someone else for several months People who shun science Being shunned as an American in a foreign port The combination of a drunken sailor, a small boat and the pilot ladder Whether it’s possible to develop an allergy to blanket fuzz Unexplained itchiness Sudden, unexpected silence Sudden, unexpected noise Being late to watch Barnacles on the draft marks Balancing necessary ship’s maintenance with science activities Losing the plant in a heavy following sea How many Sharpies I can steal from the science party without notice

Written by Jennifer Hickey (Chief Mate)