AUSTIN, TX—Immediately jumping into superficial action, local woman Catherine Nielson, 32, placed her cat, Reggie, on five minutes of half-assed observation Tuesday night after the gray tabby possibly ingested a small plastic thing from her apartment floor. “I saw him gnawing on some little white piece of plastic, so I’m just going to briefly and sporadically glance over at him for the next couple minutes,” said Nielson while seated on her living room sofa, vowing to reporters that she would not let Reggie leave her peripheral vision until after the next commercial break. “I’ll just make sure he’s not making any weird noises or anything. Really, as long as I’m in the same room as him and occasionally remember to look over in his direction, that should probably be fine.” At press time, Nielson’s cat had quietly retreated to the corner to finish chewing on the piece of plastic.

Advertisement