The only thing I remember from my college orientation was being taught to juggle. For the record, I don't know how to juggle, but for some reason I remember someone attempting to teach me prior to starting college classes.

Nowadays, students are taught that just about everything they say could be considered a "microaggression" if anyone overhearing it gets offended. These colleges could be teaching incoming students not to be pansies, but no. They're teaching them to constantly police what they say on the off chance someone in earshot gets hurt feelings.

A white female freshman at Clark University was told by the campus chief diversity officer, Sheree Marlowe, that she couldn't sing along to songs that use the n-word, even if she's alone or with white friends. Students were also told not to ask Asian students they don't know for help with math homework and not to tell a nonwhite woman: "I would have never guessed that you were a scientist."

That last one seems odd to me, as there's no overt indication the person saying that meant it racially and was not referring to, say, what the person may have been wearing (perhaps she was wearing shorts and a crop top) or doing (perhaps she was doing a keg stand). Perhaps the person who said it knew this woman as a partying slacker and was surprised to learn they were actually serious about something.

But that's how microaggressions work. Even if there's no indication that the words have anything to do with the race, gender or sexuality of the person overhearing them, the words are still assigned such connotations. And rather than teaching students not to try to see racism or sexism everywhere, schools are teaching students to tiptoe around everything they say.

The New York Times writes about these new orientation programs, and mentions the decline in enrollment at the University of Missouri following protests over alleged racism. The Times gives the impression that Mizzou's drop in enrollment came as a result of the school's racism, and fails to note that it seems more likely the school embarrassed itself over allowing protests over perceived slights to get out of hand to the point where an assistant professor threatened harm to a student journalist.

The Times article goes on to explain a few variations of the microaggression, including the "environmental microaggression," the "nonverbal microaggression" and the "microinvalidation."

An example of an environmental microaggression, according to Marlowe, is when a science class has pictures of only white male scientists on the wall. Anyone who doesn't "identify as a white male" could be offended. I think the solution's in her quote – just identify as a white male and you can be represented!

A nonverbal microaggression occurs when a white woman holds her purse a little tighter when a black or Latino person approaches. I knew this one would get me. I hold my purse tighter whenever anyone comes near me (even little old ladies). I trust no one, but a black or Latino person wouldn't know that. Now I'm racist. Sorry, I'm not risking my valuables for political correctness.

The super, terrible, horrible sounding microinvalidation occurs when people say things like: "Everyone can succeed in this society if they work hard enough." These comments, say the Times, suggest "that race plays a minor role in life's outcomes." What a great message for young people; telling them they absolutely can't achieve great things because of their race. It'll likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you'll fail, you'll fail.

There was even a student who hadn't thought of these things until they were pointed out to her. She had gone through life brushing things off and not letting them bother her. But thanks to this orientation, now she'll be bothered and constantly think of things in terms of race! Progress!

Oh, and that same student realized she, too, is a microaggressor because she says "you guys" frequently. I say "you guys," to my girlfriends when no men are around, and they say it to me. Chill out, people.

Student questions seemed great. Marlowe denied that "reverse racism" is a thing because a dominant race must benefit from the oppression of others. I fail to see how trying to bring innocent white people or men down so that nonwhites and women can succeed doesn't fit that definition. Students also seemed confused about the use of the term "self-identify," asking why someone couldn't then just self-identify as a different race. Marlowe failed to adequately explain the concept to the student.

Clark University undergraduate tuition is around $41,000 a year. Good thing they're teaching students the real important things, like how racism and sexism is everywhere and people should be offended at everything, all the time. Really preparing these students for the real world.

Ashe Schow is a commentary writer for the Washington Examiner.