The beleaguered European Union, which has been buffeted by crisis after crisis, now readies itself to contend with its most serious challenge since inception. The world is in a spin, markets are in a tizzy and doomsday predictions are the order of the day.

In such a precarious situation, Mr. Donald Tusk, President of the European Council, made a public appearance this morning and seemed to be in a mood that could only be described as paradoxically sunny. However, The UnReal Times team based in Poland had pieced together the story in no time and it appears that the root cause for Mr. Tusk’s mood swing was located in the Indian capital, Delhi.

Sources close to Mr. Tusk revealed that AAP supremo and Delhi PM CM Arvind Kejriwal had had a telephonic conversation with Mr. Tusk and had committed that the exit of Britain need not worry the EU as Delhi would step in its place and become part of the EU, giving birth to the new coinage, Dentry. Over the course of the chat, Mr. Kejriwal had enumerated the various advantages that would accrue to the EU following this move. For instance, as a first objective to retain the remaining members of EU, they are said to have discussed the possibilities of giving all the council members a 400% increase in their salaries and a villa in Monte Carlo. This could be soon followed by a move to constitute an Internal Affairs Council that would be headed by Arvind Kejriwal and will investigate all complaints related to the functioning of EU and will also rule on matters like validity of referendums that may be held in various countries. Mr. Kejriwal is supposed to have also suggested that the EU regularly hold dharnas outside the UN Headquarters every week, apart from bringing into effect, things like the Odd-Even rule in EU countries. Mr. Tusk is supposed to have seen the immense potential of these ideas to uplift EU citizens’ life, apart from the corollary benefit of keeping the focus elsewhere.

“Of course, before Dentry there has to be Dexit from India. We understand that Mr. Kejriwal has already floated that balloon and is mooting a Deferendum – a referendum for Delhi to become a state. From there to holding a referendum to exit India altogether is a short step. We were also given to understand that Mr. Kejriwal will conduct an SMS poll and that AAP has perfected the art of obtaining desired results from such SMS polls. As the Deferendum will be conducted by, and results will be collated and validated by, AAP implies that this is all just a procedural formality. We look forward to Delcome – short for Delhi’s welcome to EU,” our source chuckled. “I can also reveal in confidence that, post elections in the neighbouring state of Punjab in Feb 2017, Mr. Kejriwal has promised to ensure Peferendum, Pexit and Pentry, all in quick sequence.”

Closer home, the AAP headquarters was wearing a festive look. AAP spokesperson Raghav Chadha said, “We are now aiming high. Forget PM of India – we now want to head a continent, not just a country. That takes us closer towards contesting the US elections in 2020. Also, we hear that the work ethic in most parts of Europe, like France and Italy, is fantastic. Just 5 hours of work a day, no work on weekends – no fool can ask us why we are on social media all day and when we work. And these firangs in EU can learn a thing or two about diversion and disruption from us. But, we have to re-prioritize our targets and learn to go after the big fish of EU so that we will be taken seriously.”

Shortly thereafter, the following series of tweets emanated from Mr. Arvind Kejriwal: