Party season is upon us, which means glitter, sticky floors, hangovers, potential mistletoe kisses (as early as November) and tiny, Borrowers-sized pizzas. It’s a lot of fun, but such bacchanalia can also be a test of endurance. So here are some hard-won tips on how to survive – no, enjoy – the glitz and glamour ahead.

Pace yourself

The thing about winter party season is that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. If you go all out on party one, then by party eight you will be an immune-system-suppressed husk. I once destroyed myself so completely after a run of Christmas parties that I had no choice but to quit smoking (three years now, thank you) and stop drinking for an entire year. You don’t want to be a bore on your first outing, but don’t let that be the bash you leave at 4am, shoeless, with your lipstick making you look like the Joker.

Have faith

Some of the best parties can start ominously. Give them all a fair chance before slinking off into the night (by which I mean, specifically, the nearest pub). If you get stuck in a corner with someone monologuing, politely excuse yourself to “find a loo”, or “grab some food”, then make a beeline for the people who look like they’re having a blast. I went to a party recently that started out about as interesting as a quarterly results meeting, yet by early morning I was roaring with laughter with people I now consider actual friends.

Be that person

Aim to be the very person having a blast that the bored people gravitate towards. Yes, every self-help guru advises that the act of smiling improves mood and puts others at ease, but that’s because it is true. If you ask interesting questions of others and don’t talk about your ailments (nobody cares about your knee operation), people will probably enjoy your company.

Beware the office party

Every single piece on office parties suggests staying away from “photocopying body parts”, sort of ignoring the fact that a) nobody does this and b) it’s 2018, and who on earth still uses a photocopier? Except for solicitors and estate agents, with whom I refuse to engage on any level. Really, the way to win at an office party is not to slur complaints about your salary to the boss (however justified) and to wear an outfit that dazzles co-workers, who only ever get to see you in a shirt with a spilled flat white down the front. But play it safe: save your most eccentric, hedonistic behaviour for the pals and parties outside work. Don’t take photos – the tagging function on social-media platforms has ruined many a career path.

Outfits are recyclable

One of the things I’ve learned in life – and this applies widely – is that people are more likely to worry about themselves than notice anything about you. It doesn’t really matter if you wear the same jumpsuit as last year. Party season adds a burden to any wardrobe; just make sure you have a few great items that you feel good in, and wear them on rotation. Plus, if you turn up to a bash and someone else is wearing the same dress/jumper, embrace it! I’ve never understood the embarrassment around this. For me, it’s the sartorial version of unexpectedly running into someone you know and like.

Be a good guest

Appreciate your host’s hospitality. This means the basics: don’t have sex in anybody’s marital bed; don’t smoke indoors if it is a non-smoking household; don’t get so recklessly drunk that you end up knocking lamps off side tables. I don’t think people throwing parties expect guests to help with the next-day clear-up, but be mindful of not unnecessarily adding to mess. If it’s a house party, bring a bottle of something. If it’s at a venue, get your round in. Don’t be the person who only drinks expensive cognac (ie me).

It’s OK to leave early – or stay at home

If you can’t be bothered going to every party season bash, as long as it isn’t the party of a close friend who will be hurt, don’t go. Be selective when responding to invitations. Fomo (fear of missing out) is real, but how often is it that something truly exceptional happens and you kick yourself for not being there? Plus, if your friends are decent, they should be able to recreate it well enough. It can also be very rewarding to go to the party, stay for a little while, have a drink but not get wasted, and be home for a luxurious bath and bed. This will, of course, be disappointing for others, however, given that you are now the perfect party guest.