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Dear Coleen

I’m at such a low ebb. I was married for 12 years and, when I met my wife, I was a single parent with a young boy and girl.

My parents helped me tremendously while I worked shifts as a fireman and then when I met my wife she was great with my children and we had a good life.

The problems started after we had our daughter. My eldest two kids were immediately treated differently and my wife’s parents were suddenly at our door three times a day.

Eventually, I blew my top and the visits slowed but we were still dominated by her parents, who picked up our daughter from school even on my days off so I began to see less of her.

My children weren’t happy either as it was clear that our youngest was being very spoilt by them.

Finally, I told my wife it wasn’t working. We were living like two separate families in the same house and she agreed, and we decided to split.

Things were cordial for a couple of hours, then she told our daughter it was all my fault and proceeded to turn my daughter against me. She was only 10 and we were very close.

After a very nasty divorce I am still trying to gain access to my daughter nearly three years later.

My ex has gone against the judge’s orders and denied me access to her school and sports clubs, regardless of the fact she’s been told that the conflict and lack of contact with her father will ultimately harm her.

I don’t want to keep returning to court just for her to ignore it.

It seems like the only right I have is to pay for my daughter’s upkeep and nothing else. I am broken-hearted and virtually a broken man.

Coleen says

Although I think the law has improved for fathers, it’s clearly not good enough.

I can’t imagine how frustrating and upsetting it is for you when the court makes an order to allow you access and your ex just ignores it.

Because it’s usually a long process she’s probably hoping you’ll give up – but don’t.

Keep going and if it means dragging it through the courts again, do it. You have every right to see your child and what your ex is doing is damaging her.

She’s using your daughter as a weapon to hurt you. It’s despicable.

I think you could use some emotional support and advice from fathers who’ve been in your situation – Fathers4Justice has an online forum (visit fathers-4-justice.org ).

I’m sure you’ve already tried to reason with your ex but maybe the next step is to ask another family member or friend to mediate or speak to her on your behalf.

Or write her a letter and ask her to put aside your differences in the best interests of your daughter.

Tell her you’ll not give up because you love your daughter, but want to do it amicably.

* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan's advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems