After yesterday’s “shot of poop” revelation regarding a young Sheev Palpatine played by Matt Smith, another leak has decided to show it’s spoiler-y head. Turn back now if you don’t want to be spoiled for Star Wars Episode IX, the final entry in the Star Wars sequel trilogy and the Skywalker saga, directed by JJ Abrams. Be wary! This leak is a hilarious doosey.

SPOILERS!! SPOILERS!! SPOILERS!!

6 years after TLJ, the Galaxy is in ruins because of the First Order. Several systems have been Annihilated. The Resistance is a thing of the past. Maz Kanata, Rey, and Finn discover a strange crystal on Ahch-To. They think they may have found a way to change everything.

Poe and Leia (using unused footage from TFA and TLJ) team up with Lando Calrissian.

Rey, Finn, and Maz use the crystal to develop a time travel device. They hatch a plan to go back in time and prevent Snoke from creating the First Order, and to make sure Ben never becomes evil, which hopefully will save Luke and Han from death.

Poe, Leia, and Lando discover a secret team of Resistance fighters. They plan a major attack on the First Order.

Rey, Finn, and Maz go back in time 40 years before The Phantom Menace. Young Palpatine is with a man that is his brother. There is a huge battle between the First Order and the new Resistance fighters. Poe blows himself up to destroy the main ship.

Finn, Rey, and Maz travel through time to try and figure out Snoke’s origin. He is Palpatine’s brother. An incident that took place shortly after Palpatine’s death horribly disfigured him into what he was in TFA and TLJ.

The three travel to right before this happens. They fight him, he kills Maz and injures Finn. Rey manages to kill him. Out of no where, a seismic charge goes off from none other than Boba Fett. It leaves both Rey and Finn disfigured in the exact same way that Snoke was.

Snoke’s death drastically alters the timeline. Rey and Finn lose the capability to time travel and become leaders of the First Order instead of Snoke.

The final battle involves a restored Luke, Han, and a non-evil Ben against disfigured Rey and Finn. Luke kills them, and destroys the alternative First Order.

The ending features Luke, Han, and Leia (using a double) together watching a peaceful Galaxy.

What do you think of this leak? Is the leaker trolling us? Probably. This is totally fake and made the FSW staff laugh, but it’s our job to report on all leaks.

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— Link Voximilian