A few weeks ago I spoke on a panel at Middle of the Map Fest called “Home Grown Tech for Social Good.” One of the questions I was asked was “How do you prepare girls for sexism in the tech industry?” I tend to treat panels like Twitter, with short, succinct responses so other panelists have time to weigh in. My <= 140 character response to this question was “We don’t, we empower them.”

But that’s not nearly enough information to cover this issue.

I wanted to share the two stories above to demonstrate a common theme: In the workplace we often encounter awful people and terrible bosses. It’s a fact of life. Anna and Tiffany had very similar experiences with unpleasant coworkers and bosses setting them up to fail, so why were their reactions and faith in their skills so different?

It’s because society has told Anna that styling hair is an acceptable profession for a woman. She’s never had to convince someone that she is, in fact, a hair stylist. She went to school with classes full of women. She’s never worried about her ability to mix colors correctly or leave a toner on for just the right amount of time due to her possession of ovaries.

When she had enough of a hostile work environment, she simply moved on to a new place. Anna takes awful people and terrible bosses in her workplace in stride, because society hasn’t told her she deserves to be treated poorly in her particular workplace because of her gender.

Society has not been so encouraging for Tiffany. She was told that computers and electronics were for boys, she attended school as an obvious and glaring minority, she had to convince people every step of the way that she is, in fact, a programmer. When her boss criticized her, yet provided no advice for improvement, she wondered if she had what it takes to be a programmer. Society has told her as a woman she lacks the ability to think logically and critically, key factors in writing code.

Tiffany’s story is not unique. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to convince a professional, a new acquaintance, a loan officer or another programmer that I am, in fact, a programmer. I can’t remember all the times I’ve walked into a technology meet-up or group and had the room fall silent at the arrival of a woman. I do remember feeling the pain and rejection of peers for my excitement of computers and technology, because society didn’t support girls liking those things.

So why don’t we “prepare girls for sexism?” When a doctor gives you a shot, you tense up and are anxious waiting for the pain, because society has told you how much shots hurt. What if, instead, you’re told how strong you are? Chances are you don’t tense up or suffer anxiety, and the pain of the shot dissipates more quickly.

That’s why we don’t tell girls horror stories from the workplace. We don’t want them to enter the workforce “tensed up” and anticipating the pain. Instead we tell them stories of triumph, stories of struggling to figure out a problem and the resulting feeling of power and accomplishment.

We focus on the conquering of adversity, rather than dwelling on the hurt it sometimes causes. We show them stories of other girls solving problems through technology, or winning science fairs, or starting companies to make more girl-friendly bras.

We introduce them to mentors and role models and talk about women who defy stereotypes by being a runway model and an app developer. We explain how technology and the ability to create spans any industry or interest they may have.

We tell the girls they can do anything, that coding is a superpower, that they can use their powers to make the world a better place, and that gender has nothing to do with it.

*names have been changed.