In what I can only describe as a Kafkian nightmare, a Latvian man was recently attacked by a beaver in the middle of the night … and couldn’t get help because both police and a friend believed he was prank calling them.

Inna Plavoka, editor at the local Seychas daily newspaper, told Latvian Radio 4 that the man, who was referred to only as Sergei, was walking outside late at night when a beaver ran up out of the bushes and bit him in the leg. Knocked to the ground, he tried to get up and run away, only to be bitten again.

The beaver then stood guard, refusing to let him get up. In the words of the Latvian Public Broadcasting report: “The beaver was in effect holding Sergei hostage.”

This is nightmarish enough, but what happens next is what makes the whole thing even more ridiculous and horrifying.

Sergei attempted to call police for help, but was hung up on because they believed he was making a prank call. So he then tried a friend, who also believed him to be joking, until Sergei finally convinced him he was in peril.

From there, it gets crazier.

From the report:

However, en route to the scene, the friend was pulled over for speeding. Police were unconvinced by the friend’s explanation that he was rushing to the aid of a stricken friend being held hostage by a single beaver – not even a gang of them. After subjecting the Good Samaritan to a breathalyzer test, the police reluctantly accompanied the friend to the scene of the crime. There, it is reported, police found the man still at the mercy of the toothsome terrorist, who made clear his hostility to law enforcement and all the norms of civilized behavior.

The police then called animal welfare experts to come take the beaver in.

If all this reads like it’s too good to be true, trust me, I thought the same thing. I’ve read over this website, looked at this story 10 times, and it appears to be on the level. If they duped me and this is some sort of weird Latvian prank, good on you, Latvia. You got me.

Forget Sharknado as the next Sci Fi animal movie. I demand Beaver Hostage Crisis and I demand it now.