Look at these and tell me I'm wrong.

Sometimes big companies have a bad ad campaign or two, but Microsoft has pretty much been covering TV screens with advertising excrement since the beginning. My theory is that they've been so confident about their market dominance that they use ads solely to rub it in our faces, basically saying, "We could make an ad that shows Windows will turn your computer to liquid, and you people will still have to buy it."

1 Windows 95 and The Man Of 1 Voices

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"How can we best represent the versatility and variety of Windows Home products?" one executive asked.

"I know!" said another. "Let's hire an actor who can't do impressions and have him do a whole shit ton of impressions."

"Brilliant!"

And so this ad was born.

The video is a series of terrible impressions and even worse jokes tenuously related to Microsoft Home products. It begins with Indiana Jones and his well-known catch phrase.



Actor: Whip it on me!

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"Whip it on me"? Wait, that's not a line from Indiana Jones or anywhere else really. What the...

Fortunately you don't have time to finish that thought because now he's an optometrist who, judging from his facial expression, has just been conked on the head in the Looney Toons universe.



Actor: You want to see other people?

Hey, that's almost a pun! Almost. How do you fail at puns? Who is this guy?



Actor: My head's on board, but, uh, what can I do? My hands are tied.

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OK, now that's a pun. A really, frustratingly bad pun.