Arriving just in time for the season of giving all the leeches in your life the fruits of your autonomous production, Atlas Shrugged Part 1 has at last made its way to DVD and Blu-ray, where its messages about Objectivism can be enjoyed by the whole family, some of whom should be ashamed. But if you’ve already picked up a copy, maybe don’t read the back cover, or else you’ll be inundated with a lie (and as everyone knows, lies force you to become the world’s slave). Fortunately, most Ayn Rand fans don't generally like to read, but if they make an exception this time, they’ll find their DVD emblazoned with a text trumpeting, “Ayn Rand’s timeless novel of courage and self-sacrifice comes to life…” And of course, as anyone familiar with the book or Rand’s philosophy knows, “self-sacrifice” is the exact opposite of what Atlas Shrugged is all about, because there is nothing more important than yourself, who is totally badass, and sacrificing it in favor of people who are not as badass is a sign of weakness. We pause here to vomit profusely.


The mysterious slip-up has already forced the film’s producers, Atlas Productions LLC, to stop the motor of its world and address the error. While noting that the original is now a “real collector’s item” that you can show off at your next dinner party before ravaging all the female guests just the way they like it, the company has offered a replacement title sheet with the much more accurate description, “Ayn Rand’s timeless novel of rational self-interest comes to life,” as well as extra-sharp edges that you can then use to slit the throats of beggars. Of course, Atlas Productions recognizes that the damage has already been done: “The irony is inescapable,” the company’s communications director Scott DeSapio said, saying it was “embarrassing for sure” and “mortifying” that someone within their company had even typed the words “self-sacrifice” without bursting into flames that would then be used to burn coal. Indeed, if only the error had been caught by a process of, say, meticulous bureaucratic regulation. But that would be unthinkable.

[Thanks to commenter trajeado for the tip!]