ClickHole Has Comments Now! Please Familiarize Yourself With Our Harsh Yet Just Comment Laws

For as long as we can remember, ClickHole.com has been the internet’s premier home for viral content. We’ve worked tirelessly aggregating the internet’s most clickable lists, quizzes, and videos, and yet we’ve also ignored the most viral content of all—our readers. Well, that ends today, because we’re inviting you to join in the conversation on the brand-new ClickHole comment section. It is a long road to walk, however, for those who wish to comment: We have a very strict set of laws that govern our comments, but we think you’ll find them more than fair.

Some may call the commenting laws below draconian, degrading, or openly ageist. Those people are correct. But without our iron fist, ClickHole’s comments section would become an unruly, lawless place, so you’ll come to appreciate our need for order at all costs. Please memorize these rules, but never give them up to anyone who asks, even under the duress of torture.

ClickHole Commenting Laws

Any pictures posted of bugs must be wearing a tie. Any bugs posted to the comments without a respectable necktie on will be grounds for a lifetime ban from ClickHole.

Do not do division in the ClickHole comments section. If you absolutely have to, multiply the number by a fraction.

Children 13 and under must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian in the ClickHole comments section. In the event that a parent or legal guardian is unavailable, children 13 and under will be accompanied by the ClickHole Chaperone, who will strictly monitor their behavior during their time in the comments.

Mark Ruffalo has the right of way at all times in the ClickHole comments section. Please yield for Mark Ruffalo’s comments.

You must wait 40 minutes to spank your son or daughter after leaving a comment on any ClickHole article.

All sonnets in honor of Napoleon Bonaparte must be kept IN METER.

Shirts optional. Belts MANDATORY—no exceptions.

Any pictures of cars left in comments after 5 p.m. will be towed to Jalopnik’s comments section, where they will be returned to you upon paying a fine of $400.

As a common courtesy to ClickHole and other users, please comment “goodnight” before logging off.

Any inflammatory comments must have an asterisk below clarifying that they are not directed toward Denzel Washington or his family.

If one commenter posts a picture of Greedo from Star Wars, the ONLY acceptable reply to that comment is “That’s Greedo.” All other replies will be deleted.

Anyone who informs and/or snitches on their fellow commenters for breaking the rules and brings their infractions to the attention of posting administrators will be handsomely rewarded.

Commenters ARE PERMITTED to post pictures of pigs/hogs in the comments, but ONLY under articles that are tagged as “HOG SAFE.” Unauthorized pig/hog pictures posted in comments sections of articles NOT tagged “HOG SAFE” will be deleted, and the poster will be punished.

If your comment has been blessed by a shaman, for god’s sake make that clear in your comment. How else are we supposed to know that your comment has been blessed by a shaman unless you tell us? If a shaman has pointed at your comment with a stick and done a blessing on it, you should be fucking saying that right off the bat. Jesus Christ, we shouldn’t even have to explain this.

Commenting is strictly forbidden in the Commenting Pagoda : Please respect the other commenters who have come to the Commenting Pagoda to reflect and meditate by refraining from commenting during your visit. Violators will be severely punished by the Commenting Pagoda Patrol (CPP).

ClickHole reserves the right to drastically change these commenting laws specifically in order to retroactively punish people for violating laws that previously did not exist.