Citing a prior family commitment, Tom Brady declined an invitation to be feted as Super Bowl champion by President Obama in the ubiquitous Rose Garden ceremony that seems like it’s given to everyone from NFL teams to winners of your nephew’s third-grade soccer league. It’s too much, okay. The president is a busy man and doesn’t need to be making fairly obvious jokes about Deflategate and Bill Belichick’s hoodie. And the man doesn’t care that you’re bringing him a jersey. First of all, he wears suits to work. He’s not a high-school sophomore. Secondly, no matter how bad his dad jeans or first-pitch abilities may be, even the president knows the etiquette of never wearing a jersey with your own name on the back.

Anyway, back to Brady: His absence clearly fits whatever political motive you’re assigning to it, especially when you consider he visited the White House all three times during the George W. Bush years. I don’t want to say it’s a conspiracy, so I’ll type it instead: Totally a conspiracy. If you’re on the right, Brady obviously dislikes the president and this is a power move, a la Tim Thomas, the Boston Bruins goaltender who once declined his invite and said it was because he didn’t like Obama. Maybe the “prior family commitment” was chilling with the Koch brothers, who knows? But if you’re on the left, you know Brady no longer needs to slum it with his teammates at the White House, not when he and Gisele can go dine there anytime simply by hitting up the prez’s secret cell number that’s only known by Jay, Beyonce and everyone on The Voice except Adam Levine.

Anyway, the gist is Brady’s not there. Now run wild with your baseless reasonings.