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Someone somewhere in the middle east or over here has promised revenge or divine retribution after some people had their heads chopped off by way of revenge for some other people having their heads chopped off.

One angry Cleric we spoke to said “Our God is a peaceful and merciful God. And we will chop the heads off of everyone and anyone who doesn’t believe how peaceful he is.”

Some other people who believe in the same God, but don’t like those other people who believe in the same God, have promised beheadings for anyone seeking to sully the name of exactly the same God as they worship by beheading people, by beheading them.

Indeed, another angry cleric told us “There is only one language these people understand. And that’s having their heads removed from their shoulders. Otherwise they’re just going to continue beheading people.”

A spokesman for the United Nations said that the recent upsurge in beheadings was all the more reason to carry on bombing indiscriminately and thus continue lucrative deals with western arms firms.

“The writing’s on the wall. Unless we bomb these people, they’re going to carry on beheading each other. Bombing ensures a far more equal distribution of bodily parts. And that’s why we’re right and they’re wrong.”