A MAN’S life expectancy has been dramatically shortened after spending 48 hours with his parents.

Norman Steele said: “I only get to see my parents a couple of times a year, so I thought it would be a good idea to drop in and surprise them with a flying visit.

“In between dad playing me choice clips from WW2 documentaries he’d recorded to his PVR set-top box, and mum needling me for information about my non-existent love life, I swear I could physically feel my body deteriorating.

“I might as well have smoked half a dozen packs of cigarettes in one sitting. The damage would be the same.

“And don’t get me started on their running commentaries about my friends’ children and house extensions. They can’t even remember my birthday for Christ’s sake.”

Steele’s dad said: “Norman’s our son so we love him unconditionally. But hopefully he got the message not to darken our doorstep again for at least another six months.

“The miserable pr*ck.”