Games Workshop report record profits after man buys entire Thousand Sons army, plus paints

Games Workshop shares hit a record high this morning after the store reported a profit of £58m – driven by local man Simon Williams buying a full set of Thousand Sons and the paints to go with them.

Profits rose 44% after the purchase, which was made in the Kettering branch just before Christmas.

Speaking from his hospital bed after the operation to sell his second kidney, Williams said he was pleased to have helped the British success story and he hoped his liver would fetch enough to expand his collection of Titans next year.

Stock analysts had been uncertain Games Workshop would continue the profits of previous years, and had questioned whether the ‘Sell your kids to afford their presents’ advertising campaign over Christmas would be successful.

However, management proved city nay-sayers wrong after the business model of swapping wheelbarrows full of gold for plastic goblins proved more popular than putting crack in the water supply.

In international news, Venezuela has declared bankruptcy yet again this morning after it was announced someone in the country had used their IMF bailout to buy all the new Adeptus Sororitas.