‘I pray to God I get a chance to put things right before I die.” These were the heart-rending words of a woman named Judith who told me she voted to leave the EU because of the £350m promised to the NHS. “It was all lies. And now my granddaughter, a nurse, won’t speak to me.”

Theresa May’s second historic defeat in the Commons last night exposes the extent of parliamentary paralysis over Brexit. With the Tories embroiled in hara-kiri and the economy in meltdown, a general election would be the honourable course of action now. Since honour left the building when the Tories took office, the sequence now is: remove no deal and delay article 50. And with parliament in deadlock, giving the people a final say seems the only way out of Brexit Armageddon.

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Unfortunately, May is locked into escalation of commitment to a losing course of action, preventing her from knowing when to concede defeat and change course to avert disaster. Groupthink, greed (Rees Mogg and tax avoiding Tory backers profit from Brexit) and incompetence preclude any insights at Tory HQ. It’s down to Labour to lead the way now.

In the wake of May’s defeat last night, Jeremy Corbyn reiterated his commitment to the Norway option, which involves forgoing our seat at the EU table. We’d be obliged to pay but have no say. Given that we know that any kind of Brexit would make us worse off, this makes no sense. Perceived manoeuvres to renege on democratically agreed Labour policy, which is to cede a second referendum, risks alienating members. You can’t win elections without the trust of your foot soldiers.

Many Labour activists, including me, were wooed to Labour via Momentum because of Corbyn’s commitment to democratise the party: a members-led, grassroots movement, as opposed to the top-down command-and-control autocracy imposed by Blair.

Historically, justification for resisting a second referendum includes delivering “democracy” and “the will of the people”. But we know that the leave campaign engaged in “corrupt” and “illegal” behaviour, which – according to Patrick Green QC – in the context of local or national elections, would have rendered the results void. The referendum didn’t uphold democracy; it debased it.

So, whose will is being invoked? I’ve spent much of the past three years travelling the country asking people what they think about Brexit. Having a child and a camper van gives me motive for loitering in parks and beaches, striking up conversations with random strangers.

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It’s not the will of Jim, who used to run a successful construction business but who, when I met him, in 2017, faced bankruptcy. His workforce was almost entirely Polish (local lads won’t apply), and they left. He advertised locally. Nothing. His Polish wife went home to persuade friends to come back, but failed.

Not Andy, who works for Tata Steel. The referendum came months after job losses were announced at the Port Talbot plant. Many of his friends use foodbanks. He voted leave to give Cameron a bloody nose, thinking he could change his mind in four years’ time – like in a general election. He wants a final say.

Not the British Medical Association or the Royal College of Nursing, which back a final say.

Not the 75% of 18- to 25-year-olds who voted remain in 2016, and the 87% of 18- and 19-year-olds who were too young then but would vote remain now.

Not the people of Northern Ireland or Scotland or the estimated one million British expats excluded from the referendum.

Labour is fearful that a second referendum would be divisive, but the country is already divided. For Judith and her granddaughter, and many other families, a second referendum is the only salvation.

Fanning the flames of fascism is a legitimate concern. New Labour was part of the problem. The failure to make the case for immigration (and against austerity) opened the door for the leave campaign. Although not all leave voters were racist, it’s likely that most racists backed Brexit, and have claimed it as their own. A second referendum provides Labour the opportunity to win the argument and defeat fascism.

And a note to Tony Blair and cronies: if you’re genuine about a second referendum, step aside. Your contribution is sabotaging the cause. Let the left’s black and minority ethnic women, immigrants, young and working-class people, who were sidelined by remain’s woefully inept 2016 campaign, take centre stage.

Brexit is the delinquent child of far-right fundamentalism and Tory incompetence. Labour must safeguard the deeds of our democracy against the tax-dodging, rights-robbing, asset-stripping, privatising Brexiters.

Labour can only do that now by implementing policy and backing a people’s vote. Do it for Judith, Jim and Andy. For the children of immigrants, like mine, who fear their mothers will be deported. Do it for the NHS, and because it’s the right thing to do.

• Tess Finch-Lees is a human rights journalist and broadcaster and has worked as a therapist in the NHS