'THIS TIME IT'S GOOD, WE PROMISE'

"It's not pay-to-win," "you can get everything in-game without paying," "balance," "oral doesn't count as sex." Every time a game with microtransactions is about to release -- especially if it's a big 'ol game like Halo 5 -- all the same old junk gets bandied about.

Producers and directors and marketing assistants and that one environment artist who only makes tree bark textures all want to convince you how, this time, the microtransaction system is in fact good and not bad. "We're doing it right by not doing it the way that makes people mad," they boast, and get loads of headlines and articles like these, like this one, "[video game person] promises [video games]' microtransactions won't be bad."

So it's Halo 5: Guardians of Ga'hoole's turn. Here's a 343 blog on its stupidly named bullshit made up currency with phrases like "the REQ economy" and "REQ packs," phrases that don't at all make me want to just go back to complaining that Halo 5 doesn't even have [local] co-op, so who the hell is buying the thing anyways?

"[T]here are three core REQ Packs available to players in the REQ Store...Bronze REQ Packs include Common, single use REQs, but is likely to unlock a new permanent REQ (if you haven’t already unlocked all of them)....Silver REQ Packs include Common to Rare REQs with the added value of two new permanent REQs (if you haven’t already unlocked all of them)....Gold REQ Packs contain a large number of REQs ranging from Uncommon to Legendary. Players are guaranteed two new permanent REQs (if you haven’t already unlocked all of them)...So, to obtain these packs with in-game currency will cost 1250RP (Bronze), 5000RP (Silver) and 10000RP (Gold). Remember, on average you’ll be earning roughly 2000RP per Warzone game played. Additionally, we also offer the option to purchase Silver and Gold packs at a cost of $1.99 and $2.99 (USD)."

DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE TO HIRE A FUCKING LAWYER TO PLAY YOUR GAME?