Tony Blair insists ‘ISIS ground troops’ only way to return erection to 2003 levels

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has told reporters that putting ground troops in a fight with ISIS is the only way to ensure he gets the sort of erection he enjoyed during the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

Speaking to the BBC about the options for tackling Islamic State in Syria and Northern Iraq, Blair explained that providing remote support was all well and good, but had so far barely raised a stir in the trouser department.

He told the interviewer, “If what we’re looking for is a truly impressive tumescence, then there is no option but to put troops on the ground to take on Islamic State.”

“There might be troop losses, and we might be there for a long while, but I guarantee I’ll spend the entire time harder than a teenage boy at a Saturday’s concert.”

“Seriously, you’d be able to hang your coat on it.”

“So, in conclusion, the sooner we send in ground troops to properly eradicate Islamic State, the better.”

Blair urged ground troops

Experts have warned of the catastrophic effects of making political policy out of what drives a politician’s erection.

Political commentator Simon Williams explained, “Just look at the austerity measures. Sure, Iain Duncan Smith has had a boner for not far short of three years, but look at the effect it’s had on a lot of vulnerable people.”

“This is what happens when voters elect people with a sexual response to the misery of others.”

“Buy I think I’ll let you all guess what gets George Osborne going.”