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THE Royal Family has announced that Prince Andrew has been placed on suicide watch, amid fears that the under-pressure Prince may be about to do something that would bring the peerless name of the family into disrepute.

Under direct orders from the Queen, the Royal’s favourite son will be kept on watch until such a time as he no longer poses a risk to himself, or to his immediate family or their reputations.

Prince Andrew, who recently announced his retirement from public life citing a period of ‘severe personal stress’, is being kept under observation by a team of suicide prevention specialists flown in from America, where they recently kept an eye on the formerly disgraced, currently deceased billionaire Jeffrey Epstein.

“Ah well, can’t save ’em all!” stated one of the team when pressed for details on how Epstein, a close personal friend of Prince Andrew, managed to hang himself while under 24 hour suicide watch.

“But Prince Andrew, yeah, he’s in safe hands. We know he’s feeling very stressed out over a number of things; his personal life, his work demands, his close links to a known sex trafficker and allegations that he was up to all sorts with his associate Mr. Epstein… so he’s just the kind of person who we should be keeping a close eye on, just to make sure he doesn’t go and do something that would be both tragic and convenient”.

Members of the Royal Family have advised Andrew to not worry about any impending scandal about to break, and relax by maybe taking a trip to Paris, drive around for a while, see how he feels.