Things worth $260: a good pair of leather boots or clogs, decent “Hamilton” tickets, a dinner at Per Se.

Things not worth $260: a strip of fabric that some fancy fashion label is trying to convince me is a “skirt.”

The minuscule micro mini features an elastic waistband and a side slit (somehow). It’s the latest from French designer Simon Porte Jacquemus, who has built a career out of taking basic items — a straw hat, a handbag — and expanding or contracting them to absurd proportions.

You could argue there’s a kind of surrealist glee to his accessories, even if they are completely useless (a la the teensy totes he debuted earlier this week, which could maybe fit one lip gloss). But this glorified loincloth does not spark joy! Its ribbed knit is not some luxe material but “65% viscose, 35% polyamide.”

It doesn’t come in any bright jewel tones or funky prints, but in a boring shade of ivory. It doesn’t scream playful provocation so much as Kardashian rip-off. And then there’s the price tag, which one fashionable friend rightly pointed out amounts to about $26 per inch of viscose-polymide blend fabric.

Sorry, but calling this a skirt and selling it for $260 isn’t fashion, it’s a scam!