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“I do take it home with me. When I’m driving home from a shoot, I never go straight home. I can’t. I can’t see my family yet. I get in the car and I breathe a little bit, and then it hits me — what exactly just happened. So I drive around, or maybe I’ll go to the store, but I’ll do something completely mindless, for probably a couple of hours. And I might cry. And when I’m driving and see other people just going on with their day, I almost want to scream at them. Like, do you not know that this child just died? Stop!

“And when I do go home, I’m OK again. And I’ll tell my kids. I’ll tell them that I was just at the hospital and a baby just passed away, and in doing that I hope that I’m validating the family, that they just lost someone. Yes, it’s so sad, but we turned it into something meaningful. I want my kids to really view death as a part of life, and a natural part.”

“Death is not always a bad thing. And I know that that sounds terrible to say, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If someone is suffering, like some babies in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) who are really, really fighting for their lives, and they just can’t fight anymore. So sometimes the doctors and families will decide to extubate — they’ll take all the tubes out and take the tape off — and that might be the first time that the parents ever see their baby’s face without tape and tubes and all the life-saving equipment.

“But everybody dies, and if you’re going to die, it must be so nice to be in the arms of someone who loves you. And whenever I’m called for these photos, it’s peaceful and sometimes the lights are off and there’s music playing. It’s sad as heck, but the room is filled with love and it’s a real privilege to be there and help them honour their child.”

bdeachman@postmedia.com

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