"Hey, anyone here? I'm from Witchy Weed Exterminators. Got a call that ya had an infestation."

"Yes! I was just finishing my shower when these... vine things came out of nowhere and dragged me outside! What's going on?!"

"Oh, looks like ya got yerself a bad case of animated kudzu going on here, eh? Pretty nasty stuff, don't ya know? Yeah, it always likes to strike at the most inopportune moments. You're sittin' on the john, trying to fix a pipe under yer sink, doing the laundry..."

"Or taking a shower?"

"Right. Then bam! Outta nowhere in comes the kudzu to drag ya off to who knows where. Looks like I got here just in time. These vines are getting ready to start convertin' ya into compost. Can't have that, now can we? Now, don't you worry, none. I've got a ritual that should get ya free and kill off the animated kudzu down to the root. For a little extra, I can follow that up with a warding spell or two that will protect yer lawn from future infestations."

"Yes, yes! That's perfect! How long will it take?"

"Well, the ritual requires five hours of chanting interspersed with dancing and the sprinkling of spirit water..."

"Can't you just cut me loose?"

"Oh, no, can't do that. Those vines will get all defensive and start choking the life out of ya, eh? Gotta be real careful with animated kudzu, don't ya know."

"In that case, can I... can I get a towel or something? It's... a bit chilly out here..."

"Yeah, I kinda noticed. Those things are hard enough to cut glass, eh? Don't worry. I've got a blanket or two back in my van. Won't take a minute, then I can get started with the chanting."

"Great. Oh, and, um, I was actually getting ready for a date, so, if you could get my cellphone out of the house so I can call my boyfriend and tell him what's going on, I'd appreciate it. I only managed to call you before I dropped it when these things dragged me through the mud room..."

"No problem. We at Witchy Weed Exterminators aim to please."