Following his accident in testing two days ago, Fernando Alonso must stay in hospital for ‘at least another nine months’ according to his personal physician, Dr Ernando Falonso.

Speaking to reporters in an unusual and inconsistent accent, Dr Falonso said that his patient was suffering from ‘many, many conditions too complex to explain here’, adding that these unspecified illnesses were ‘definitely not worth asking any further questions about’.

Dr Falonso went on to explain that he had written a personal letter to McLaren insisting that the Spanish driver remain on ‘full pay’ but that under no circumstances was he to be ‘made to drive a McLaren F1 car at any point’ and added that, as a doctor, he personally prescribed ‘contract termination’ in or around November 2015.

According to a statement in Spanish released by Alonso this morning, the driver was ‘really disappointed’ at news that he will not be able to take part in the 2015 season. ‘Oh no, I’ve just realized something!’ the statement concluded (in Spanish). ‘This means I won’t be able to drive that car! Oh well! Good luck Jenson!!!!’