FIFTH YEAR - Zombie_Shakespeare

Hullo, fellow Dorfs. Some strange lookin' fellas broke into me home yesterday, abducted me and brought me here to this fort.

I am a humble farmer-Dorf, but these men told me that now I'm a leader-Dorf. That's alright, I suppose. Me mum never taught me much about

leadin', but maybe I can do good and put some of her old-world farming values back into this little fort. She taught me that

the two most precious things in a Dorf's life are liquor and farmin'. I never had no reason to doubt her. She never steered me wrong.

Oh, my name is Tosid. You c'n call me Zombie, though. Me friends started callin' me Zombie when I was little, after an elephant trampled

me head and I got up and just started playin' tag again. The doctors said I'd be a veg'table, but I proved them wrong right good.

Now, I don't know what kind of name Shirremoiled is, but I'll try me darndest to keep these fellas safe an' happy.

They sure rushed me right in. I didn't see much on account o' the sack on my head, but one time we tripped and it came off. Lots o' blood

and dead Dorfs.

Must have been one crazy party. We kept goin' in pretty far, past the entrance. Pretty sure I heard some screams, but the Dorfs with me

told me it was just one big joke welcome for their new overseer. One o' them said somefin about 'account-o-bility', but then the other

one slugged him but good. They took me into the first and told me about how the last overseer did a right bang-up job, but Dorfs are dying

and I could fix it. They asked me what my first order was. I looked all 'round, at how bloody and dirty this room was, and told 'em

to start cleanin' up their mess. Me mum would have a fit if she saw all this. They gave each other a weird look. Then they told me

I should really take care o' the goblins outside, but I told them that the goblins would still be there tomorrow. They said they'd get

the old overseer to help me out.

After scrubbin' on those floors for a while, I told the nearest Dorf that they were hard to clean up, and he suggested that we just make

a new floor over it. I told him that was good, and that he could do it with whatever we had around. I caught him later buildin' tiles to

seal up the blood stains out o' potash. Oh, well. One stain down, when he finishes. Me mum would be proud o' me critical thinking skills.

Then I got reports o' a goblin outside killin' all sorts of poor, innocent animals. I told the Dorf that was sad and all, but I had a fort to run

and these blood stains weren't going to cover themselves up.

Through all o' this, though, the goblins kept killin' people outside. So I told the nearest Dorf that we should just wall up the entrance.

He told me there were Dorfs still outside, but I just said that if they were outside, they must have bad survival instincts anyway, and I

couldn't finish cleaning up this mess with that big racket. So he told me he'd get some Dorfs to bring up some alunite for me.

But soon after that, they were workin' on bringing up the rocks when the yak over in the front went berserk! I shouted for someone to kill it,

and the Equivalence of Cloister squad burst into action. Dodok carried her baby into battle and wrecked it. Then she walked off like nothin' ever

happened. What a lady.

They did so good that I told them to go on and kill the elf who snuck inside during the seige. Me mum hates elves, so I should, too.

After that, I think we c'n get that wall finished and start some clean-up.

And then, somethin' bad happened.

PART 2

Well, here we are again, fellow Dorfs.

I had someone check outside, and when he came back, he told me that he took a look 'round outside and saw a bunch o' Elves and Goblins

still hangin' out. Some o' our Dorfs are out there, too. A couple o' children, too. Then he collapsed and died from all the arrows in his spine.

I had someone tuck him in the corner and then told them to go get the stone for the wall. In the mean-time, good ol' Dodok took her baby back

over to the front entrance and broke all the Elf's limbs. Then she passed out from all the pain of having her right arm pulped.

One o' the other past overseers, Davey, also took out the fight and beat the piss out o' a Goblin pikeman.

Then he took a nice long nap outside on the ground.

Someone told me that beefy girl Dodok is also 'chief medical Dorf'. That sounds bad. She's pretty not awake right now, and new

Dorfs be comin' in every few minutes with their guts hangin' out right good. Seein' as how most the Gobbos were gone at this point,

I told my team they could go ahead and nix out on the big wall I told 'em to build. They seemed happy with that. I must be a

natural leader! Other than that, the rest of the yaks got real mad. Some o' the Goblins came in a while ago and killed some o' them,

so I think they're just lonely. I went and cuddled with one for a while, until he headbutted me in the face and tried to trample me.

Then some Dorf came over and showed him a real bad time.

He got up after a while, though.

(BoG, Sankis, Davey, Seaborgium and I are at this point all alive, and except for Davey (who is just sleepy), entirely healthy, as far as I can tell)

And then a spooky ghost appeared just outside! I think he was tellin' me somethin', but I was too busy cleanin' up those bloodstains to really

listen all proper-like. A bunch o' children started runnin' around him in circles, which I thought was nice. They weren't scared o' playin'

with a good Dorf just 'cause he died from a decent skull smashin'. I told one of me Dorfs to put his body in the garbage pile out front later.

Then I remembered about all the other corpses outside. I told them to go ahead and do them, too. After that, a Gobbo came back in from outside.

It didn't seem too smart to me, since he got cut down in about five seconds. Him and a buddy.

Then someone came and told me that a new Gobbo, name o' Dangspespo came in lookin' for children to steal! I told him that was right fine,

since I never liked kids ever since Urist from next door grabbed me by my beard and made me dance naked for the other children.

What was I sayin'? Oh, yeah. I told Dodok that since she's got doctorin' to do, she can take a break from killin' and go do some o' that.

She liked that just fine. I put that fine Sankis fella in her spot, and promoted one o' the other Dorfs to captain o' the Cloisters, since

Vucar, the old one, was dyin' in a pretty painful lookin' way, with his toes oozin' and all. Watchin' them Dorfs crawl all over the place movin'

piles o' corpses was comfortin'. I knew all those Dorfs were at peace, except the ones that weren't.

It went great until ol' Deduk, a Dorf who was just haulin' most o' the time, snapped and started yellin' and screamin' and makin' all

kinds of noise. Then he tackled Bim and punched him so hard that his liver popped. By then, Catten had gotten there, and he chopped Deduk's

legs off and then went and did some fishin' for a while while Bim bled out on the floor next to him.

Someone told me we'd lost about 10 Dorfs, all in all, in the Gobbo siege. That seemed okay to me. Me mum hates it when it's crowded.

Over the next few weeks, Lorbam created masterpieces, but he always seemed to tuck 'em behind his back when I came to look.

Davey drank a lot every time he saw a ghost, and Sankis always had "somethin' else to do" whenever I asked him to help me clean.

Seaborgium found a lot of corpses out and about in the wilderness outside the fort, and BoG was...BoG. He gives me the creeps. I

don't think he likes that I startin' callin' him 'bawg'.

After a few more weeks, I noticed some Dorf named Edem across the moat. Same name as me mum. He waved and told me there was no way across,

and that he would really like some food. So I went back inside. Never did see that fella again.

No migrants showed up, either. I wouldn't want to come to a fort covered in so much blood that you can see it from the mountains.

Then ol' Olin died from infection. Dorfs flooded in to take his socks. Vucar is still alive, somehow.

On the 15th Felsite, some Elfy folk showed up with a big wagon and got real confused lookin' at our moat. Then some more Gobbos tried to

ambush us from across the moat. I decided they could duke it out themselves, between the two groups of 'em. They kinda just stared at each

other until the Goblins chased down and killed some stray cats and the couplo' Dorfs that never made it back in the fort. I'm sure they

managed to work out their differences with the Elves.

After that, one o' me advisors encouraged that I somehow put the ghosts roaming the fort to rest. They were makin' some Dorfs very

unhappy. So I told him to work up some slabs of stone that we could put engravin's on. He seemed to like that idea just fine.

After gettin' a new manager in the office (Sankis was always lazin' about), I had him set the orders for the slabs and then set to work on

a bridge. Ever since the two Dorfs that got caught outside died to those nasty Gobbos, I thought it might be nice. Between that and migrants,

my advisors say I'm the smartest Dorf ever, just like me mum used to. I took some of our gold nuggets, had them smelted down

and built the drawbridge out of that. Here's where the lever is.

But some bad news is that migrants arrived 'fore I finished the bridge. Or one, anyway. Then more Gobbos came and wiped 'em up. I felt bad.

Might be time I finally get a break from leading the fort. Even if only for a few hours. Don't know how long these Dorfs'll last without me.

PART 3

Alright, here's what I have at the moment. Some not good stuff is happening in Shimmeroiled. I'm not sure I can hold it together for almost six more months.

Welp, it's me again, fellas. I got to sit down for almost ten minutes this time. Then someone screamed at me and I got back up and back to work.

Those Gobbos are bein' nice an' patient while I finish up the bridge. One o' dem smiled at me, and I smiled back real wide-like. Then he

started eatin' the corpse of the cat they killed out there last month.

Thob finally got 'round to startin' on the bridge, but he took one look at the Gobbos on the other side and ran away, back into the fort.

I guess some things you just have to do yourself. I tried, anyway, but then one o' the Gobbos threw a big stick at me and started laughin',

laughin' just like Urist used to laugh at me. So I shouted, I shouted at him, "You havin' a laugh? You havin' a laugh at me?" And then I

laughed right back at him. I don't think he liked that. Suspended bridge construction until they starve to death.

A week later, the Gobbos finally got bored and left. Never stopped starin' at me, though. Real uncomfortable. Could tell from all the way

down by the still. BoG is throwin' a party, but only him, Sankis and Davey showed up. That don't sound real fun to me, so I just went to check

on the stone slabs for engravin'.

A human caravan came, but they took one look at all the Dorf corpses, rivers of blood and the impassable moat and turned right around.

I waved as they left. No one waved back. I was a little disappointed. At least Thob finally finished that bridge, the day after. Maybe

next time migrants come in, we can have them sit in for a bit before they see how horrible things is here and take off. I miss me mum.

I lowered down the bridge so the other Dorfs could get a nice taste o' the outside for a while, and then an ambush force o' Gobbos

came in right that second. I sent the Cloisters after 'em. Then they all turned inta doors. Wait, did I imagine that? Must've.

Catten sighed at me when I sprinted out across the bridge to start collectin' stray cat teeth from where the last group o' Gobbos

knocked 'em out right good from that poor kitten. But he grabbed his stuff and went out to kill some Greenies. And...well, he put

up a brave fight, that he did. Rest in peace, chum. Dodok got real angry when all this happened, came out and killed two Gobbos single-handed.

Then the humans from the caravan showed up again, I guess for the Gobbos. They put a real quick end to the rest of them out there.

Just wish they'd been a bit quicker for Imush, Zuglar, Minkot, maybe Sibrek and big, strong Catten. We lost a lot o' good Dorfs this day.

Dodok dropped her weapons and everyone started to get back to their normal routines, when Goblins came back to the fort.

This was gettin' real old. We couldn't take much more o' these Goblins interferin' with our day-to-day. No one had hooked up the bridge to

the lever, yet. I couldn't even trap them out. I removed Dodok from the Cloisters again and told the surviving military to get out there

and die protecting their home. Maybe I could've left out part of that, but they all looked pretty depressed anyhow. I hoped those humans

would still help us. Kol was already a goner, just from where he was when the Gobbos showed up.

As Dodok, her baby, Etur, Vucar and Endok were slaughtered outside helplessly, Kogsak, a simple hauler-Dorf was possessed. The humans struggled

this time to chase away the Gobbos. The Dorfs around here are used to tragedy. Only 27 of us now. I sent someone to finish hookin' up

that lever. I think I'm going to close off the outside until we get some migrants. If we get some migrants. It's Autumn now.

One o' the Goblins wandered into the fort and had his spine broken by a rock trap. He can't move. I don' know what to do with him.

We're goin' to need more slabs to engrave. A lot more.

Tired o' seein' this Gobbo in my fort, I walked after him as he started limpin' away, at last. I grabbed him and tore his ear off, then beat him

to death right good with my shield. I see brains. Me mum would be proud.

PART 4

Davey is miserable. He keeps throwin' fits, and I can't do much about it. Maybe we have to put him down for

the safety of the other Dorfs. I'll watch him for now. No one's willing or maybe no one's free to hook up the

bridge yet. Don't know why that's happenin'. I told some other people that they were mechanics now, but they

don't want to. We have the supplies.

I took a walk out on the grounds to clear me head, and found something pretty bad outside that I must'o missed

just after the last Gobbo skirmish.

RIP in peace, buddy. Maybe someday that statue'll get real tall.

Some nice chap finally hooked up the lever for me after I started pointin' at every Dorf who walked through the

room and shouting at them to do it for me. I don' really know how that mechanical stuff works. I just like farmin'

and drinkin'.

Davey had another fit and a ghost went and hung out with him until he calmed down and went to sleep. I don' think he

liked that much. He was cryin'. I finally gave the order to start engravin' all those slabs we have. I'm real tired.

I don't think I'm much cut out for this overseer stuff. But the human caravan finally left, and we got in some new Dorfs

that I can put to work. If nothin' else, they can haul in the corpses before I close up the bridge. I don' think we can

survive with all these Gobbos for much longer. But they haven't been 'round in a couple o' weeks, at least. Maybe

they're gone?

I made some o' the new Dorfs chief medical Dorf and broker, since they all had some talent.

I have a real bad feelin' for some reason. No idea what it's for. Like me senses are warnin' me against somethin'.

Maybe it already happened? I c'n just shake it off. Need to focus on putting them ghost Dorfs to rest this month.

It's not gonna be a real fun time for me engravers.

Everyone was real excited to meet the new people. BoG and Id, the only two other than Davey that are still alive

from when the fort was founded, are ecstatic now. Davey's still real sad. I'm worried about him. I think he

misses Sankis. We still find bodies from time to time as we enter th' month o' Sandstone.

Davey threw another tantrum today. I'm thinkin' o' sealin' him in his room before he hurts someone. It'd be a

real shame, but maybe it'd keep the fort safe from his hissy fits.

The humans left behind a couple'o merchants and a yak. They went insane today. I think they started killin' each other,

but I couldn't watch because Kogsak, the possessed Dorf from a while back went stark raving mad, too. He stripped naked

and then ran around screaming and crying. He gave me a hug. One of the humans ran away from the insane yak, and the other

one just got sad and sat down next to it. They're just starin' at each other now. No one wants to get near them, but

they're interruptin' a lot o' work.

After a while o' this, I sent the Cloisters to kill them both, like a good overseer would. One o' the new migrants came and killed

them both. It turns out, the yak still had a lot o' trade items on it, so we took those into the fort. Lots o' logs, cheese

and good stuff. I'm scared the humans will come back for us now.

It's Timber now. We've seen no Gobbos for over a month. I think we scared them off! It's a happy day in the fort for all

the Dorfs still alive. We're still cleanin' up the corpses of friends, alright, but we might not have to do any more.

We have food, alcohol, beds and everything we need to survive the winter.

An outpost liason came from...

Someplace. We ignored them.

Kogsak, Rith and Davey are all pretty upset. I'm tryin' to help them out, but it's hard. Almost like they want to be upset.

Though Kogsak is just insane at this point. Maybe that's why the others are upset?

I talked to Rith. Her baby and brother died last month, and the baby is haunting her. That sounds bad. I'm gonna to get some

more slabs to engrave. Like I thought, Davey was upset about Sankis.

I set up some more jobs for the idle Dorfs, and everything was looking up. Then the Gobbos came back on the 16th Timber.

I just sent the Cloisters out to -

Uh-oh.

Kadol was outside. He was the first one down. I managed to get off the alert in time to stop anyone else from dyin'. We're

sealed inside now. The bridge is up. I'm not lowerin' it any time soon and exposin' my Dorfy comrades to that kind'o violence

again.

I watched the Gobbos from just outside o' the fort. Eventually, another group o' them came and they all charged the Dorf liason

and his buddies. One of the Dorfs got real weird, twitchin' and what-not, and he killed almost all of them by himself. Then the liason

left. What a weird bunch o' Dorfs. They left right around the time it turned to winter. It's Moonstone now.

Dorfs are startin' to cheer up. Maybe we can still make it.

Three more months. Here we go.

PART 5

Nothin' seems likely to happen at the momen'. Ev'rybody is workin' on projects, engravin' slabs and making more,

farmin' and sleepin' and brewin' and drinkin'. I've been followin' around Kogsak, makin' sure he don't hurt nobody.

He seems harmless, but he's scarin' some o' the children. I thought about sealin' him up like I wanted to do

with Davey durin' his tantrums, but that seemed mean. After two weeks, he died on his feet. Just dropped dead

just like that. I hope I don't go out that way. I miss home.

I took Kogsak out to the corpse pile meself. Didn't want no one else to have to.

At least he's not hauntin' us.

Moonstone's almost over. Thought I saw Sankis today. Must'o been my mind playin' tricks.

Amost's been possessed, same as Kogsak was. I hope he doesn't go out the same way. Maybe he can help him, though

we couldn't help Kogsak. He went over and claimed a Jeweler's workshop and started haulin' over materials. I'm

followin' him to see what he does. He took lots o' gems and some gold nuggets. He's been working for a week now.

It's been a week and a half. He must have everything he needs, 'cause he's started workin' on somethin' big.

He finally came out o' the workshop, cacklin' and sweatin'. He held up a big, shiny green ring. It's real pretty.

But I've always been a man'o function. He let me look at it. He carved a picture of a mug onto it. I guess he likes

drink as much as the rest'o Dorf-kind. He calls it 'The Entrancin' Theater'. I don't understand it, but I'm glad he's

okay. I told him he could do whatever he wants with it.

A kid named Astesh came and talked to me on the 12th Opal. He told me about how his dad died and is haunting him.

He said he was really tired but his dad kept him awake, and he was scared his dead brother was going to come back

for him too. I gave him some ale and told him I'd take care of it.

People are looking at me funny, like they don't like me no more. I'm a little scared.

All I could really do was add his names to the engravin' schedule. Maybe it'll work out. I hope he doesn't go crazy.

We have enough crazy Dorfs already.

Seaborgium told me today that he's been makin' all our logs into ash for about six months. We don't got any left now.

Saw Sankis again. He waved. Waved back. Think I'm finally losin' it. Little over a month till the end of the year.

Don't know what we're doin' next year. Haven't seen no one from outside in ages. Rimtar's been luggin' around a stone chair

for about three months.

It's the 27th Opal. A liason came from wherever. Thob went to meet with him and talk about the fort. I left the meetin'

early to go sit down and close my eyes for a while. Thob came by and told me later that he asked 'em to bring some wood,

peacocks and extra plump helmet seeds. Told him it was fine. Slept for a day.

It's Obsidian now. Year's almost up. Lot o' idlers around, but I can't think of enough jobs to give 'em. At least they

have some down-time. Still, we have a lot o' drink, a lot o' food, and enough beds for all the Dorfs around. No Gobbos

in a while.

When I woke up on the 27th Obsidian, me room was pitch black. I fumbled around for a while before I could find the door,

but it was locked. Pounded on it for a while. No one answered. No one let me out. I don't know how long it's been.

Someone must have jammed it right good, 'cause I can't get it open at all. Tried kicking me way out, but there's not

enough space to do it right. Startin' to get real hungry. I guess maybe I wasn't a popular overseer. This is what I

thought about doin' to Davey and Kogsak. Very thirsty. Still no light. Gave up tryin' to get out. Should be Spring by now.

Can hear Sankis sometimes. And Kogsak. Dorden and all the other Dorfs that died.

I want to go home. Maybe just take a nap instead.

End of year 5.