Millennials In Panic As Outraged Boomers Threaten To Withhold Participation Trophies

U.S.—The nation’s millennials are in a panic as baby boomers, feeling insulted by such things as the “OK Boomer” meme, have now threatened to withhold participation trophies.

“How am I supposed to know I’m special if I don’t have a trophy?!” exclaimed Brendan Stephens as he stress-ate avocado toast. Stephens currently lives at home with his boomer parents as he’s busy “discovering himself.” “I can’t be left on my own like this. I need constant support to achieve anything,” Stephens continued. “I mean, I’m thirty-seven; I'm not old."

“They’re just mad that we’ve correctly pointed out that they’ve destroyed everything,” said millennial Kaylee Forman, a social media consultant. “Especially the environment, which I’m very, very concerned about. Just look.” Forman scrunched her face so that she looked very concerned. “But they can’t stop giving us symbols of how special we are, because if I don’t get that reassurance every day, I’ll start to wonder if I’m not special! What if I’m not special?! What if I’m not?!”

Baby boomers would not budge, though. “They are not giving us the respect we deserve, and we’re tired of it!” said Ronald Foster, a retired bank executive. “They won’t listen to the important things we’ve found out in an email forward, they call our Minions memes ‘lame,’ and now they got this dismissive ‘OK Boomer’ thing going. I haven’t felt this disrespected since I got back from Vietnam! If they want a participation trophy, then they'd better spend the $10.50 and buy it themselves!” He then added that he was still upset that the country didn't get a participation trophy for the Vietnam War.

When reached for comment, Generation X, who is stuck between the two arguing generations, simply shrugged and said, “Whatever.”

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