EVANSTON, IL—In the wake of a controversial video depicting two individuals in the fraternity’s University of Oklahoma chapter leading a racist chant, Sigma Alpha Epsilon officials instituted a new national policy Wednesday requiring all members to undergo mandatory racial sensitivity hazing. “Effective immediately, pledges nationwide will engage in a hazing program designed to combat racially insensitive behavior by requiring them to pound a shot of pure grain alcohol for every one of their personal prejudices until they puke,” read a statement released by the organization, which also reveals that the undergraduates must participate in a frank group discussion regarding the hurtful effects of discrimination after being blindfolded, stripped naked, and forced to stand in the campus quad for an entire night. “Make no mistake: We take these infractions extremely seriously, and if our members fail to properly memorize and recite the major provisions of the Civil Rights Act while tied together in a dark closet, they will be urinated on by every senior fraternity member present.” The release also described a similar hazing program aimed at curtailing sexual assault by requiring undergraduates to write “no means no” using a Sharpie clenched in their anus.

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