DERBY, KS—Speculating that the sad former star was probably just attempting to relive his glory days, several sources told reporters Friday that Little League coach Mark Clancy, 27, was nothing but a washed-up former Little Leaguer. “Look at him out there acting like he’s this big deal. This guy hasn’t been in the Little League for years. It’s pathetic,” said spectator Louise Birch on the out-of-shape coach of the Wichita regional Little League team, speculating that Clancy’s MVP medal for the Benton school Wolfpack went straight to his head and he’s never let it go. “You can just tell he thinks he knows it all just because he had a few good seasons back in the Westurban pee-wee league in the mid-’90s. He’s trying to make it feel like it did when he was 8 years old and throwing people out at first or batting .125. Yeah, he was pretty good in his prime—a lot of people around here remember him from back then—but to see him at 27? It’s just sad. He never even won a Little League World Series.” Birch also recalled the game two decades ago, where Clancy completely choked and let the ball roll between his legs, tripping backwards before accidentally throwing the ball to the third base instead of second.

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