(My friend-with-benefits and I have just woken up at his house. I am not a morning person and he has to get up early for work so I’m moaning in protest. Note that he is a huge zombie movie fan.)

Him: “You sound like a zombie.”

Me: *throwing my arm over him* “Brains! Braaaaaaains!”

(He gets a serious look on his face, reaches across me to pull open a drawer in the bedside table, and pulls out a handgun.)

Him: “Babe, this is not a threat, but you need to know that this is there. So never, ever wake me up by pretending to be a zombie. I like not-zombie you. But if I woke up to a zombie I’m pretty sure I would shoot it without thinking. That would suck.”

Me: “You know, I should be really freaked out by this. But right now I’m kind of amazed at your level of preparedness for the zombie apocalypse.”

Him: “So, is now a good time to mention that there are three other guns in this room?”

Me: “Now you’re pushing it. Also, we’re staying at my place tonight.”