Richard Dawkins in ‘single-celled ancestor’ shock

Prominent atheist Richard Dawkins has been hit by fresh scandal today after it emerged his ancestors were single-celled organisms who metabolised sulphur.

New findings have shown that the outspoken atheist is the direct descendent of a primordial soup-dwelling thermophile – a particular variant of extremophile which clung to hydrothermic vents just 3.5 billion years ago.

Adam Lasher of the Telegraph said of the shock findings:

“This comes after I found out that someone in Dawkins’ family did something three hundred years ago which we now consider bad – so these latest revelations finally put paid to the belief that Dawkins comes from an infinite line of human beings with an exclusively 21st-century moral code.”

“That nobody has at any point ever held that belief is neither here nor there. All we really know is that this definitely proves that Dawkins is wrong about God”.

Hypocrite

To many it appears clear hypocrisy that Professor Dawkins – who has spent much of his career talking up the benefits of being a multi-cellular organism – is directly related to a single-cell organism.

It’s not apparent at this time how Dawkin’s justifies this relationship, beyond the dozen or so books he’s written about the evolution of life.

Lasher continued, “I always knew there was something about Dawkins I didn’t like, and now I know why.”

“How can he claim to be a human being with arms and lungs and stuff when his ancestor metabolised sulphur in an ancient, boiling-hot underwater vent?

“Plus, ‘extremophile’? Sounds a bit terroristy if you ask me.”