Christchurch men are getting a chance to rethink what it means to be a man, writes Philip Matthews.

What the world needs now is more men talking.

Not everyone will agree with that statement. Perhaps as much as 50 per cent of the population might disagree. But hear us out.

This is not about the assertion of dinosaur-like, old white male chauvinism, but the complete opposite. At two different events in Christchurch, within two days of each other, various kinds of masculinity will be up for discussion and subject to scrutiny.

Alistair Blair will introduce one discussion. When I phone Blair, he is having a Clarke Gayford-like moment. A very small child is audible in the background. Blair says he will just "turn up his rainforest soundtrack", as a soothing distraction, and he will be good to go.

Blair and his wife Jo own the public relations and events company Brown Bread. While Jo is working, Blair is child-minding.

"I'll never be as cool as Clarke Gayford," he admits. "I don't know how to catch snapper either. But it is timely."

Brown Bread has been running regular events called Broad-ly Speaking, at which women ranging from Green MP Chloe Swarbrick to Christchurch Mayor Lianne Dalziel to "corporate warrior" Theresa Gattung have addressed audiences of women in four-minute bursts. In a time of TedX​ and Pecha Kucha​, micro-conferences double as networking opportunities.

"It's gone really well and we've had a few people asking when we're going to do a men's one," Blair says.

Hence, Hard-ly Speaking. The name riffs on the notion that men are poor communicators as well, one assumes, that men are supposed to be tough, hard, granite-like.

The inaugural Hard-ly Speaking will feature six men talking about their lives over whisky, wine and food. Coincidentally, Whisky Galore co-owner Michael Milne is one of them. "As a business person and a man, I never share any aspects of business life and experiences with other men, as no-one asks," Milne says.

"I will have a captive audience for four minutes. Fantastic."

Dean Kozanic Christ's College executive principal Garth Wynne: 'Men have been getting a bad rap lately for all the right reasons.'

Christ's College executive principal Garth Wynne says he is "very pleased" to be part of a conversation that starts conversations.

"Talking things through is a good thing for us all and normalising that for all people, both genders, is important," Wynne says. "Men often get stereotyped as not sharing and not talking when often they actually do. Men have been getting a bad rap lately for all the right reasons, so this is a chance to bring out some good stories about men for all the right reasons."

University of Canterbury senior chaplain Spanky Moore says he finds it hard to work out what it means to be a man these days.

"I totally get that the male voice has often been a privileged one, but regardless of that, most men I know struggle to be honest about their fears and failures, and vulnerable with each other about how they feel," Moore says. "I think challenging our men to go deeper than sports and DIY can only be a good thing for Christchurch."

Christchurch Central MP Duncan Webb did not provide a quote about his appearance at Hard-ly Speaking but those who saw him on the campaign trail in 2017 will know he is not opposed to speaking openly about his upbringing and issues of maleness. The six-man squad is rounded out by actor, performer and Māori health worker Aaron Hapuku and Josiah Tualamali'i​, Pacific Youth Leadership chair and mental health advocate.

"I'm going to share that it's not weak to speak about mental wellness, and how I think courageous vulnerability is real masculinity – the masculinity our country needs," Tualamali' says.

Despite the efforts of Sir John Kirwan, Doug Avery and others, the conversation "for many of our men is still too hard or not a priority," he says.

The past 12 months have inspired, or should have inspired, soul-searching among some men horrified by the attitudes and actions revealed in the stories of Harvey Weinstein​ and others. This is one of the ways in which men have got a bad rap for all the right reasons.

"I guess it's timely that that's all around," Blair says. "As we know, there has been a lot of bad publicity around men and I guess there are still fantastic men out there doing great stuff.

"There is not really any agenda. We're not trying to prove a point. We're not trying to sign anyone up to anything. It's about positivity, really."

supplied All Right? mental health campaigners Sue Turner, left, and Ciaran Fox: 'There are many ways to be a man in modern society.'

WHAT IS MANLY?

There must be something in the water. Christchurch's post-earthquake mental health campaign All Right? is also turning its attention to the realities and myths of maleness. In its campaign material, the All Right? team cites a US sociologist and researcher, Michael Kimmel​, who argues that where previous generations valued physical strength, power and affluence, now "traits like integrity, authenticity, how he cares for himself and those around him are integral to how a man perceives his own masculinity".

Mental health promotion strategist Ciaran Fox explains that phase one of the "Manly As" campaign, which launched a year ago, was "about looking at what was unhelpful about stereotypes and ideas around masculinity that may prevent men from talking about difficulties or even just feelings". It emphasised that "what people actually appreciated about the men in their lives was the caring side".

Phase two, which has just launched, goes further in challenging stereotypes. What should men wear, do or drink? What sport should they play? How should they look?

Or should the word "should" be removed entirely?

"There are many ways to be a man in modern society," Fox says.

The posters feature five men challenging stereotypes against backgrounds that fade from blue to pink. Fox says he has been surprised at the lack of conservative views pushing back against the images: "If anything, we've almost been greeted with 'So what?'."

There are other surprises. In July 2018, the All Right? campaign conducted an online survey to "capture male views on attitudes towards manliness and masculinity in Ōtautahi in 2018". It was answered by 385 men. Here are the results.

Would a man who doesn't fight back when pushed around lose respect as a man? Only 16 per cent agreed or strongly agreed. Seventy per cent of men disagreed or strongly disagreed.

How about repression? An even greater majority – 87 per cent – disagreed or strongly disagreed that showing physical or emotional weakness makes a man less of a man. Only 5 per cent agreed or strongly agreed.

Must a good Kiwi man enjoy rugby, racing and beer? Sixty-eight per cent disagreed or strongly disagreed with that, but the neutral vote was unusually high at 22 per cent.

Is yoga less manly than rugby? Twenty-seven per cent thought so, but 57 per cent disagreed or strongly disagreed.

Can boys play with dolls? Seventy-two per cent disagreed or strongly disagreed with the view that it's not OK. The opposite position attracted just 7 per cent of the vote.

But some attitudes die harder. Nearly a quarter of men – 24 per cent – said they still feel pressure to get a beer rather than a non-alcoholic drink at a bar.

And what if a good mate came out as gay? More than 95 per cent said "of course" they would remain close friends. The number falls to 82 per cent if the friend identified as gender diverse or transgender, probably because there is still less understanding in the mainstream of what that means.

As for men and their allegedly muted feelings, more than 88 per cent disagreed or strongly disagreed with the idea that "real men" don't talk about them.

A minority of men remain conscious of fitting in, with 22 per cent agreeing or strongly agreeing that they would not wear something if they thought their mates would hassle them about it. But 64 per cent disagreed or strongly disagreed.

The final question was open-ended. Respondents were asked what male stereotype society should lose, and overwhelmingly, the answers were about men not showing feelings.

Fox says the small sample size means the survey lacks the scientific gravitas of other All Right? research but it is a useful insight. The results will also be presented at Hard-ly Speaking.

Two days later, at the Word Christchurch festival, an All Right?-sponsored event tackles the "manly as" issue via a panel discussion. Criminologist and gang expert Jarrod Gilbert leads a diverse group composed of poet Chris Tse, rapper and novelist Dominic Hoey and Australian writer and rapper Omar Musa​. It promises to be revealing.

"With the recent explosion of feminism, the #metoo movement and the emergence of the terms 'toxic masculinity' and 'mansplaining', it's easy to see that being a man in 2018 is not as simple as it once was," the festival blurb explains. "Can we all benefit from men taking on so-called 'feminine' traits? Or should we just let boys be boys?"

"It's just another avenue for doing this work, stretching the boundaries around what we consider manliness or masculinities," Fox says.

"It can be healthy to pause and reflect on which bits are not helping us any more, and may even be harming us."

HARD-LY SPEAKING, Christchurch BMW, 30 Manchester St, August 30, from 5.30-7.30pm.

MANLY AS?, Word Christchurch, Christchurch Art Gallery, September 1, 1pm.

Tickets for both events are available online.