Article content continued

Have you been the subject of any legal proceedings, inquiry or investigation instituted or undertaken by an agency of government or a regulatory body in Canada or elsewhere? YES __ NO __ If Yes, any tips you could share with us?

Is there anything in your personal or professional background that could cause embarrassment for the party, hinder your ability to perform, adversely affect your candidacy, or demonstrate a lack of integrity if it became public knowledge? YES __ NO __ Hypothetical examples would include: co-hosting a news conference to announce a “barbaric cultural practices” snitch line; leaving confidential government documents in the home of your mobbed-up girlfriend; spending $50 million earmarked for border security on gazebos for your riding; borrowing a neighbour’s dog for a photo op after your girlfriend dumps you.

How many times have you run for leader of a party before this? a) None. b) Once. c) Twice. d) Tony Clement.

Are you now, or have you ever been, married? YES __ NO __ If No, what’s up with that? Not insinuating anything, but it’s the first thing people ask.

Are you Stephen Harper? Because whoever it was talked to Ivison about you making a comeback is off his nut.

Are you bilingual? YES __ NO __ If No, can you at least learn enough phonetic French to get through two debates?

Be honest: deep down, do you even like being around people? YES __ NO __

We’re not going to find anything truly hideous on your Facebook or Twitter feeds, are we? Seriously, tell us now. Because it’s not like the Internet forgets these things.

Ever peed in a cup? Oh, nothing.

If you could abolish the long-form census in an omnibus bill, then prorogue before anyone found out, would you?

Settle a bet: is it more embarrassing: a) to have been fired from the Harper cabinet, or b) not to have been fired from the Harper cabinet?

Are you by any chance the telegenic, bilingual son or daughter of a former prime minister? YES __ NO __ If Yes, when can you start?