All the hard work, dedication, and mooching has finally paid off for Winter 2014 5th year Mason graduate Warren Geisenstein. The patriot alumni announced successfully securing a job offer with his father’s real estate company via Yik-Yak.



Yo call me Dunder Mifflin cuz now we Makin paper. I’ll take a Job for 27,000 and benefits Trebek.

Now every day around 11:30am Warren slumps down into his desk while ignoring the yells from his grandfather who says he’s lazy and dresses like a trucker that needs a haircut.

The success story for this Patriot begins in the fall of his sophomore year when he changed majors from Criminology with a minor in security studies to undeclared with a minor in German.

“ Most people will tell you that only freshmen can come in undeclared you can’t go back to it, and those people would be wrong. My advisor told me to take some general education requirements so they could transfer to whatever major I picked. Instead I decided to load up on non degree pursuing electives like KickBoxing, introduction to dance of ancient Mesoamerican Cultures, and University 100. Well look who’s laughing now?” said Geisenstien.

After a year of searching for a field of his calling Warren decided the safest bet would be to major in Government with a minor in economics. If he wanted to graduate on time Geisenstein knew he would have to hit the books to catch up and he hit them hard. He started by running an illegal gambling den out of his dorm room, by midterm week he was running books for half of the Shenandoah neighborhood. However, he was eventually caught by his RA and had to attend a workshop.

It was in his first senior year that Geisenstien was finally able to turn things around. Taking a page from his father’s notebook he decided to start selling dorm insurance. This scheme lasted until there were actual claims filed and Warren did not have the funds to make the payments as he had blown them all on cheap beer and Manhattan Pizza.

original photo dailymail.co.uk

“ I like to think that I really neglected all of the advantages Mason gave me. Strictly because only lazy bums take hand outs,” the young mason alumni said ”Same way when my dad gave me the offer at first I turned him down and played hard to get. Then he started harassing me about moving out and my bills. Then I knew I had him in the palm of my hand and that was the time to strike.”

“ Yeah when we got his resume and saw Mason under education we knew Warren would bring the same tenacity and attention to detail as his regular tuition bill.” said Eric Geisenstien, the middle aged CEO. “In his interview we asked him about a time he faced adversity and he recounted some fantastic experiences.”

In his senior year Geisenstien, against the advice of all his friends, took a week long vacation to California the week before Spring break missing all his midterms. When he came back after break he demanded that all his professors allow him to do his exams late because he let them know ahead of time.

One of his former professors recounts the situation “He emailed me at 4am the day after the midterm saying he was in Los Angeles. I told him that was not a valid excuse and that the essays were due the night before at midnight. He replied saying that being on west coast time he expected to be given 4 more hours of time.”

When asked about what the hardest part has been adjusting to life after school Warren replied it’s that his mom doesn’t accept meal swipes, and that the long walk from his parents upstairs apartment to office on the first floor.

