So I have come to realise most of my friends and family don't know exactly what happened to me with the birth of Adalyn. I've kept it pretty much on the down low for a couple reasons. First of all, to avoid the awkwardness of "How was your delivery?!" "Well...I almost died..." "OH....I'm so sorry" and then I would have to tell that person its okay, and then we would hug, and we all know how I feel about hugs. So when people have asked me, for the most part it's been "it was wonderful!" which in fact, it was! It was the best and most terrifying experience of my life. Second of all, I have found people are very afraid of talking about what happened to me. They don't want to offend me, or have to make me relive anything. I want everyone to know that I am completely fine with talking about what happened, and it actually helps me when I talk about it. So, I am going to tell everyone my birth story and exactly what happened to me. If you have questions for me, don't be afraid to ask, I really don't mind answering you. If you think it's weird that I'm doing this over a blog post, or the idea of birth grosses you out, OR if you are about to give birth in the near future and don't want to hear ANY bad stories, please stop reading right now.

I woke up the morning of June 16th feeling a little bit crampy. I went about my day, cleaned the entire house and vacuumed all three floors of it. I was schedule to be induced at 7AM the following morning and had a Doctors appointment at 2:30pm for a stretch and sweep to see if that would get things kick started. My mom came with me to my appointment and we decided to stop and grab a bite to eat before hand. While we were eating, my mom got a phone call saying that my grandmother had passed away after being in the hospital for a week with a bowel obstruction, it was just the beginning of the chaos to come.

We rushed to my appointment and asked if we could be seen right away, told my doctor what had happened, he said he was sorry and performed the stretch and sweep and told me to take care of myself. From the appointment we went straight to the hospital where my grandmother had passed to say goodbye. It was very sad and difficult, she was so excited and looking forward to meeting her first great grandchild.



(my grandmother and me at my baby shower)

Around 3:45pm as we were leaving the hospital I started getting contractions about 10 minutes apart. I went home, started getting everything together and we headed to the hospital where I was delivering at 5:00pm. The contractions had picked up and were 7-8 minutes apart, and we had a 40 minute drive to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital around 6:15pm, I was admitted into triage, checked and was 4cm and contractions were 4-5 mins apart. They admitted me and we got settled and comfortable in a room. I requested my epidural right away and the anaesthetist came up around 7:45pm to administer it while I was still not in a lot of pain. At 10:30pm the doctor came in to break my water, at 12AM they checked me and I was 6cm, so they started pitocin.

(just admitted into my labour room)

(trying to smile through some big contractions)

(after getting my epidural, everything was wonderful)

By 3:45am I was feeling lots and lots of pressure during contractions, the nurse came in to check me and I was 9 3/4cm, so she called the doctor and I started pushing at 4AM. Pushing was HARD WORK! I opted for the mirror and it was the best choice I've ever made (other than my epidural). I could see the progress I was making with each push. My doctor was incredible, he coached me through the whole thing. He had one of my legs up on his hip, Mauro had the other, my mother in law was responsible for hydrating me, and my mom was responsible for helping get my head to my chest to bear down. The doctor took his time, I did not have a single tear and did not need an episiotomy. After 1 1/2 hours of pushing, I saw her head crown and with the next contraction, she was born at 5:36AM. I watched my baby come out of me, and it was the most incredible experience in my life. Everyone cried, and she was placed on my chest and I started bawling. She was perfect, she IS perfect. Mauro got to cut the cord and she was taken to go get checked out, he followed to take pictures and so did the moms.



(she's finally here, after this picture was when the chaos began) (Mauro holding Adalyn while I was in surgery, not sure what was happening to me)

And that's when everything went crashing downhill, fast.

While trying to deliver my placenta it felt like something inside me was literally being ripped out of me. And as soon as it came out I screamed and looked into the mirror and thought, "That looks like a HUGE placenta..." My doctor screamed, "Who is the OB on call? its a placental accreta! I need him in here stat, she's bleeding, we need to get her into the OR now!" He shoved everything back inside me, and they rushed me out of the room. The last thing I saw leaving was blood all over the floor and my husband's face. I will never forget it, he looked completely helpless and all he could say was "Toni, I love you." I couldn't say anything back to him, because I was afraid if I did, that would mean it was it, it was the last time I would ever say anything to him.

As they were wheeling me into the OR I looked up at my doctor and could see the terror and panic in his face. Now if you know my doctor, you know he is the most cool and collected person, nothing phases him. When I saw how scared he was, I knew I was bleeding to death. The OB came in right away and tried putting my uterus back inside me for 30 seconds but I was loosing too much blood. He told me they needed to put me to sleep and that I was going to have to have a hysterectomy or die. I looked up at him before they put me out and all I could say was, "please don't let me die." And then everything went black.

I woke up at 1pm that afternoon in intensive care, just as they were taking the life support tube out of my throat. I saw that I was hooked up to about a million different IVs and machines, and then remembered everything that had happened to me. I wish that it could have been blocked from my memory, but unfortunately, I still get flashbacks of the whole experience.

At 2pm they let Mauro come in and see me and he just fell onto the bed beside me and started crying uncontrollably. The only words he could muster were "I'm so happy you're alive, I love you, I'm so happy your alive. Don't you ever leave me" I have never been so happy to see him in my life.

The OB that saved my life and my doctor came in a little bit later to explain to me exactly what had happened. Basically, my placenta was stuck to my uterus because of scar tissue from a previous miscarriage (although they are not 100% sure that's the reason, it is their best guess) When I went to deliver my placenta, my whole uterus came out with it and I started hemorrhaging immediately. He told me when they opened me up they had minutes before I would have bled to death. He said my uterus was completely inside out with some of my organs inside it. He was able to turn it right side in, remove the remaining placental tissue that was attached to it, and stop the hemorahgning WHILE being able to avoid a hysterectomy. He said if I had made a choice to do a home birth that would have been it for me, and that there was no way to know this sort of thing would happen. Sometimes they are able to detect it in ultrasound, but often it is missed (which was the case for me) I found out that had actually put me into a medically induced coma until my vitals were stable, and that I received 5 units of blood, which blows my mind, because your body only holds 5, and that I would have to remain in ICU for another couple of days to be monitored. He said that if I wanted to have any future babies I would need to wait at least 2-3 years and I would need to have a c-section. When they asked me if I had any questions my first one was "where is my baby??" They then told me that I would not be able to see Adalyn until later on that afternoon. She was being looked after in the NICU, but she was completely healthy. It was only because I was not stable enough to care for her and I would only be able to see her for a couple minutes. That was the longest day of my LIFE.



(Getting to hold my baby girl for the first time) (Not wanting to say goodbye to her for the night)

(Finally getting moved up to post-pardum, and getting to hold her again)



When they finally placed her in my arms, I just stared at her, I absolutely fell in love. They

only let me see her for a grand total of 10 minutes, and then another 10 minutes in the evening again. They pulleda lot of strings to allow a baby come down from the NICU into the ICU, so I am so grateful to everyone that the hospital that made it possible to see her. I had to remain in ICU for another day and a half without her until they finally transferred me to post-pardum. Even there I was only able to see and care for her during the day while Mauro could be there because I was nowhere near well enough to take care of her by myself. My heart ached I missed her so much during the night. Finally on Monday morning, my doctor

came in and assessed that we were well enough to be discharged and we were able to come home.

The whole experience was very horrific, but I loved giving birth and I love my little girl more than anything. I feel mostly sorry for everyone around me having to deal with what happened, especially my husband. I was fine, I had no clue what was happening when I was in the operating room, but for everyone still awake it was a complete nightmare. I am so grateful for all the prayers that were received in heaven for me. I am so blessed for people in my life that when struck with something so devastating, they got right on top of it and began praying imediately, then calling others to start praying who had no clue who I was. What facing my own death made me realise is that so many things we think are important, are not. We can all die in a split second and none of it would matter. Everyday I try to remind myself of this when I start getting stressed out about the little things. I try to remind myself to enjoy life, to experience as much as I can WHILE I can, and most of all, always feel blessed and ALWAYS be thankful.

(Our first night all together)

Until my next post,