WASHINGTON—Fooling themselves into believing things were going to be turning around, delusional sources reported Friday that 2018 will be the year it’s all going to fall into place. “No ifs, ands, or buts about it, everything is finally going to come together in 2018,” said Liam Thomas of Margate, FL, echoing the sentiments of others nationwide who had also completely lost touch with reality and had absolutely no evidence whatsoever to support their optimistic claims. “I just know that things are going to start happening for me. I laid the groundwork in 2017, but 2018 is when my career’s gonna take off, I’ll start eating right, and I might even meet that special someone. Yeah, it’s going to be great.” At press time, sources had already reportedly decided not to make the same mistakes in 2019.

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