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It's as if the 70s, Germaine Greer and Fathers For Justice never happened. Asda's big Christmas advert takes us back to the cosy days when men were helpless, semi-functional morons and women were long-suffering domestic slaves. In this pre-Ocado idyll, it's Mum who runs the show - because she has to. Buying the tree, pumping up the blow-up bed, cooking the meal, humouring Granddad: there's nothing she can't do (except get a job). In this world, Dad – a giant, stubbly toddler – is incapable of doing anything bar pushing a massive tree (chosen by Mum) at a small car and raising a glass of wine for a family toast like a neutered Bing Crosby in a George shirt.

This is 2012, though, and Asda has consulted enough focus groups to know that, while sexism might help them secure their position as mid-range supermarket to the masses, the masses also like to think that they know a little something about "being cool". With that in mind, the advert employs sub-Tarantino jump cuts and features a rockin' version of Silent Night that sounds like the Cliff Richard Christmas album offcut in which Cliff decided to let loose and "have a little fun". It's the perfect style for our heroine, funky enough to mix it with the kids but not too threatening to complain about working 20-hour days in the unpaid domestic service industry. Still, all this mayhem will come to pass because, as the reassuringly classless voiceover reminds us at the end, Asda is behind the nation's mothers. Who needs help, respect or their own identity when they've got the assistance of a supermarket chain?