The unspoken perks of Long Distance Relationships

10 things I know to be true: nine

before he got to Vietnam

“Long Distance Relationship is a bitch” — they always say. No one recommends it. Even if you are brave enough, you are in for a bad ride.

But how about talking about the often ignored perks for a change?

The clock

Time definitely runs faster, hence feels much more precious. It’s the law of scarcity.

When you have been with someone for a long time, it can be easy to take them for granted, like that cup of coffee you always have in the morning.

But when you are together only to be separated again after a short while, at the back of your mind, the clock always ticks. You kiss longer, hug harder, and forget the stupid stuff easier.

You treasure each other as though tomorrow would be the last day. Because let’s face it, it might be.

The “we”

People always say couples tend to look and act alike after being with each other for a while. Visibly, your facial expressions, demeanors and words start to mirror each other’s.

Friends make plans keeping in mind the unspoken rule: if one person is invited, the partner has to be too. Even you yourselves would feel awkward making plans without the other person. “I” soon turns into “we”.

In a LDR, you are rarely seen together on most days. When apart, you long for each other, but still remain independent.

It’s ultimately much easier to have a life and an identity outside of the relationship when each partner has to lead their own life. You have no other choice.

The routine

Routines are naturally formed after you’ve been together for a while: favorite brunch spots, set times for bed (and related activities), days of the week to go see a movie or grocery shop or stroll the park or work out.

To put it bluntly, the routine goes: sleep, sex, work, eat, repeat. After a while, things can feel like part of a chore and you lose sight of why you are in this in the first place.

In a LDR, you barely have enough time to form a routine while together. Granted, every time you see each other after a while, it’s going to take some time to get used to each other again. At the same time, you can’t afford to get tired of each other. Even going to shop for electric chords together could be oddly refreshing and exciting.

The efforts

Communication is by far the hardest but also most important thing in a LDR.

Even with modern day technology, it takes a lot of effort to stay constantly online, available on phone, up-to-date with the other person’s whereabouts. And to be honest, how much can you really listen to the other person’s stories with genuine curiosity and interest when you are never around for most of it?

So, you get creative. You work on projects together. You make friends with their friends. You plan trips way in advance. You surprise each other. You learn things about yourselves that without such barriers, you never know you have the will to cross.

These are just a few things that keep me sane having been in LDRs for most of my relationships.

Of course, there are the texts without eye contact or personal touch, the lack of intimacy, the hours of longing, the missing out on important events, and a million other things.

But I bet you if one could make it through them all, the light at the end of every tunnel will be sweet and well-deserving as can be.