CLEVELAND, Ohio -- OIC famously stands for "Only in Cleveland," but "Only in Berea" has made a real name for itself.

Browns press conferences have provided some of the strangest theatre this side of Quentin Tarantino over the years. Friday's introduction of Mike Lombardi was just another episode.

The sheer volume of coaches and general managers coming and going since 1999 increases the odds for memorable moments. It's more than simple math, though. Since the Browns don't win on the field, even more attention is paid to those occasions when they dress up and try to convince us it will be different this time.

Over the years we've seen the room cleared of TV cameras and radio recording equipment for Randy Lerner's entrance. Dwight Clark draped an arm around an uncomfortable Chris Palmer and belted out a few jaunty bars of "Side by Side." We've seen Phil Savage read his lines from index cards.

On the grand occasion of Eric Mangini's hiring, the coach was introduced by a Browns executive who had to first introduce himself. We've seen Mike Holmgren threaten to withhold playoff tickets when the Browns' postseason contention was a third-and-26.2 miles to go proposition.

Media opportunities gave us Carmen Policy massaging a bad night gone wrong by sharing that the Pittsburgh police called Gerard Warren one of the nicest guys they ever arrested.

It's hard to keep hits like that coming without a cast of script writers. Friday wasn't quite up to those standards but it had its moments.

It featured Jimmy Haslam claiming that some of the "most respected" people in the NFL told him he should hire Mike Lombardi immediately, even though Lombardi wasn't interviewing anywhere else. And even as CEO Joe Banner was acknowledging "going out on the limb myself by hiring Mike."

How can those both be true?

History repeats itself. Browns history is known to mock itself.

Haslam's contention was reminiscent of the late Al Lerner introducing Clark as one of the bright young executives in the league when so many in the NFL knew what recommended Clark was primarily his friendship with Policy.

I'm comparing the scenarios, not the credentials of the people. Lombardi has much more personnel experience than Clark had. But those respected NFL people Haslam cited somehow fought the urge for five years to hire Lombardi, who hasn't worked in the league since 2007. Why so much restraint?

Did they not believe Lombardi's claim that he's a changed man, no longer the reputed disingenuous climber of years gone by? Not sure I've ever seen a Browns hire at his opening press conference get grilled over issues dating to the late 1980s and early 1990s. Or one who came prepared to make a plea for a fresh start as part of his opening remarks.

By the nature of introductory press conferences, the fresh start is usually a given. Not Friday.

Lombardi looked like Banner's choice all along. His hiring was more a foregone conclusion than the product of a no stone unturned open talent search. Certainly that doesn't prevent Banner's organizational plan from working. You could even make the case he's looking for organizational fit, not an All-Star at every position.

Fans have no choice but to give another regime a fighting chance. But not long ago Holmgren railed that what was happening under his watch in Berea was not "business as usual." Haslam and Banner no doubt believe the same thing.

After Friday's announcement, only winning will convince the rest of us.

SPINOFFS

Coming soon to a minor-league ballpark near you ... a Lance Armstrong Lawsuit night, where you too can be sued by the disgraced cyclist -- only to get an emotionless and uninspiring apology.

• Curt Schilling's bloody sock worn during the 2004 World Series is up for auction and expected to sell for $100,000. Please, don't tell any of our soldiers returning from the Middle East about this.

• Minor-league baseball has responded predictably to the scandals of the day.

The Lake County Captains are poking fun with a scheduled Lance Armstrong Night in 2013. An independent league team in Kentucky, the Florence Freedom, will hold a Manti Te'o Girlfriend Bobblehead Night. The bobblehead box will be empty, of course. There will also be a pretend Kiss Cam and an air guitar contest.

Because if anyone is in good position to scoff at performance-enhancing drug use and people falling for fake identities it's baseball. As I was just saying to Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Fausto Carmona and Leo Nunez.

• Appropriately enough, for a team whose playoff chances died a long time ago and is hoping to find a second life in this dismal season, Cavaliers players are using cryotherapy to promote healing.

• Mike Lombardi says he doesn't remember using the term "panicked disaster" about the Browns' decision to move up to draft 29-year-old Brandon Weeden in the first round. Which is a sign that Lombardi might, in fact, be a changed man. The old Mike Lombardi might've said he misquoted himself or claimed the media "misremembered" it.

• Eight NFL head coaching openings and no minority hires. A handful more GM openings, no minority hires. Ridiculous.

If I'm Dan Rooney, I put the naming rights for the Rooney Rule up for sale immediately just to disassociate myself from any future NFL talent "searches." The last time an African-American head coach was hired from outside an organization was Mike Tomlin in 2007. What did he do to justify that hire, other than win a Super Bowl?

• Jim Nantz, calling himself a friend of Lombardi, went on 92.3 FM Friday and blasted a Cleveland media member for having a "personal" agenda against the Browns' new VP of personnel.

Apparently personal agendas like coming to a friend's defense are A-OK.

• Nantz also said nobody in the NFL has a bad word to say about Joe Banner. On the same day Banner's childhood friend, Philly owner Jeffrey Lurie, accused Banner of anonymously undermining his team in the media.

Gullible or conniving, there isn't much room for any other description of Manti Te'o this week.

• Call me a pushover but I empathize with Manti Te'o. I attended two imaginary high school proms and on both occasions my dates still spent the night dancing with their girl friends.

• Now that Andy Reid has changed jobs, Bill Belichick has the longest coaching tenure in the league. Why didn't Belichick ever hire Lombardi?

On 92.3, Nantz scoffed and called that a "fan question." I believe he meant to say "fair question."

• I don't want to say Lance Armstrong came off dispassionately in discussing how he tried to ruin people's lives through lawsuits, but I felt like I was watching him sit down with his tax guy.

I refuse to watch any Armstrong interview that doesn't include a polygraph technician as the third party.

HE SAID IT

"Football is football" -- Chip Kelly on whether he'll be able to make the adjustment to the NFL as head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles.

OK, so I was wrong, maybe this guy is the next Steve Spurrier.

YOU SAID IT

(The Expanded Sunday Edition)

"Dear Bud:

"I thought only sportswriters had made-up girlfriends." -- Jim O, Chardon

You're missing a whole other category: non-inflatable.

"So Bud:

"Do we root for the team (Baltimore) that used to be here, or for the coach (Belichick) who used to be here?" -- Bill Weekley

I'll be rooting for the outcome that brings the network coverage of Ray Lewis as a great American treasure to an end.

"Bud:

"Since the Browns are now hiring people with media backgrounds for football jobs, will you be submitting a resume? What position will you apply for?" -- Mal, North Ridgeville

Same one I held in high school. Tackling dummy.

"Hey Bud:

"Does this mean Lance Armstrong won't be able to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame?" -- Mike H

Nothing changes. He still has as good a chance as Mark McGwire.

"Hey Bud:

"My make-believe wife thinks I'm having an affair with my imaginary girlfriend. Any suggestions?" -- Dave Graskemper

It's best to clear out of town in a case like this. Tell both of them you're taking a trip to watch the Browns in the Super Bowl.

"Bud:

"Did any of your non-existent girlfriends leave you before you left them?" -- Michael Sarro

I lost most of them at "Hello."

"Bud:

"So [Tom] Heckert had to go because he couldn't land the big fish. Maybe Banner hasn't completely unpacked?" -- Frank Bruno, Westlake

First-time "You Said It" winners receive a T-shirt from the Mental Floss collection.

"Bud:

"Could someone faking their own funeral, as in the case of Manti Te'o's girlfriend, be penalized for 'intentional grounding?'" -- Jim Corrigan

Repeat winners get flagged.

On Twitter: @budshaw