Gillette’s new advert has sharply divided the internet with its critique of toxic masculinity, after suggesting that men in 2019 could be doing better in some areas. The campaign has been met with outrage in some quarters and triggered a meltdown among so-called men’s rights activists, a typically sensitive bunch.

Gillette #MeToo ad on 'toxic masculinity' gets praise – and abuse Read more

Still, the brains behind the campaign will undoubtedly be pleased by the huge amount of attention they have generated. The ad’s success means we will likely be seeing a lot more men’s products tackling modern gender politics soon. Here’s what they should look like.

An energy drink for stay-at-home dads

Stay AWAKE and experience the CHRONICALLY UNDERVALUED PLEASURE of EQUALLY DIVIDING the RESPONSIBILITIES OF PARENTHOOD with your PARTNER.

Or, if you’re a REAL MAN, PUT YOUR CAREER ON HOLD and do the MAJORITY OF THE WORK YOURSELF, like many women have done FOR MILLENNIA.

Tagline: STAY WOKE.

Body spray that attracts all genders

Body spray adverts tend to feature a man walking down a street while women practically fall over themselves due to the stench of his deodorant. But what if they reflected the real world for once, where not everything is homogeneously heterosexual? Not that it happens every day, but it would be nice to see a pansexual street feast for once, where a man with dry pits draws everyone’s attention, whether they’re male, female, cis, trans or gender nonconforming.

Tagline: Smell good for everyone.

A Fitbit-style monitor that buzzes if you talk over a woman

Particularly useful for meetings, this device does all the usual things to make you a healthier person: logs your steps, monitors your heartbeat, tracks your progress. It also ensures you’re not shouting over a female colleague who has just started talking. For an extra cost you can also have one fitted with a small Taser-like node that shocks you if repeat what a woman has just said and present it as your own idea.

Tagline: Just let her finish.

The gender pay gap watch

It looks just like any other watch: big, sleek, shiny, manly. But there’s a twist: it sounds an alarm every afternoon to signal when your female colleagues have effectively stopped being paid due to the gender pay gap. By our calculations, based on a 9-5 shift and 20% gap in the US, you will be getting an alarm around 3.30pm every day. You can change the time of the alarm so it goes off later, but you will have to start speaking out first.

Tagline: Because you don’t deserve it.