Kat Kerr, the self-proclaimed Christian “Prophetess,” recently told an audience that she’s seen Jesus and He’s six feet tall and “very handsome.” She also claimed Jesus lives in a mansion where he loves dancing and desserts.

How does she know any of this? WHO KNOWS. That’s a kind way of saying she’s making everything up.

Her latest totally certain claim about Heaven is much more elaborate and all kinds of specific. Kerr said on her podcast yesterday that Heaven has a warehouse for body parts. A literal warehouse. And if you need a spare kidney, and God decides to give you one, Kerr knew exactly how it got to you.

You have to hear this. The relevant audio is below.

We were talking about the body parts warehouse earlier… and how all that happened. You know, how do you requisition Heaven to release a body part if you’re praying for a friend or family member that really needs something, you know, they need surgery, their liver, their heart, whatever part… They actually do have a body parts warehouse in Heaven and several people have been there and seen it. And it does look like a warehouse, but not like what you would see here. It’s very supernatural. It’s an amazing building, but they actually have a protocol on how they operate. Like sort of like what we [have] here on the Earth. They actually have a huge reception. The counter that this reception is in is like… the universe is in this whole counter. As you’re looking down, you’re seeing creation and creativity all over the universe while you were waiting. What happens is when someone prays in faith, and asks for a body part to be sent, they say, “I ask for a requisition to be given to the body parts warehouse that my friend needs a new heart” or “they need new eyes,” whatever that requisition is. When that prayer’s released, it’s sent to this body parts warehouse, and they will call for an angel to come from the back of the warehouse, and they will hand in this requisition, which is the request. They then take it into this other place… I haven’t been in the other place, but I know that getting it approved — it has to be stamped, approved for this time, or else they would stamp it for another time. The body parts warehouse has been established. It’s been in Heaven for a very long time. And I actually was present in a meeting when the body parts were sent down from Heaven. So let me go back a little bit, because when they go in that room and it’s stamped approved, that angel goes to the back of the warehouse where there are thousands of bins. Like clear see-through bins, not plastic ones. It’s like they’re sustained by nothing. They’re, like, suspended. They’re just suspended in the air, these bins. And they will go in there and if it was for new eyes, they go collect the two eyes. By the way, they’re alive and living. The hearts are beating, the eyes are seeing in these transparent bins that are just suspended in the air. They’re in an orderly manner. Like you go down rows and you get whatever body parts are needed for that person. But all these parts are alive because there is life in Heaven no matter where you go. And they take them — this is a wonderful part — they take them then when they’ve got them and they put them in a box and gift wrap them. And I know people would say, “That is so weird. Why would they do it?” Because this is a gift from God. This is not something they could do for themselves or get theirself. This was God being moved, either by the faith or the person asking, or the faith of the person who desperately needs this. And I can’t determine why, when, or how. I just know this happens. And so they will get them, put them in a gift box. The angels will come down to Earth and they walk through that person with these body parts. They walk through them — with a gift box — and they walk through the person, come up the other side, and the box is gone, and the parts have been put in the body right where they’re needed.

What. The. Hell.

I don’t remember any of these details from those books where “dead” kids visit Heaven, come back to life, and then write all about their experiences.

Who knew Heaven was nothing more than a large Walmart where some angels are tasked with doing the manual labor of getting items, gift-wrapping them, and doing the delivery? When did this “meeting” take place and why was Kerr invited to it? Why didn’t she bring a camera? Why would they gift-wrap body parts when no one’s opening the box? Where are these body parts coming from? What angels get stuck doing the grunt work?

We will never know. But there you have it. Good luck getting Kerr to answer any of these questions, though, because she’ll inevitably say she’s too busy beating back hurricanes with her scepter to respond to you.

(Image via Shutterstock. Thanks to Kyle for the link)

