Tim Murray by

Legal tender in Canada in 2070: A two dollar coin celebrating bestiality.

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hen Canada’s new $10 bill was circulated, adorned with the image of Viola Desmond, many of us came to appreciate the importance of symbolism in the design of a country’s currency. We realized that the images on currency are not simply cosmetic, but a statement of national self-perception. It tells us a lot about the country that produced it. In the case of our new $10 bill, it told us that the political class who hijacked our nation thinks that a social justice warrior who made a fuss in a movie theatre is more historically significant than a nation builder whose leadership was instrumental in the construction of the railway that secured that very nation. No nation, no Canadian $10 bill, and no Viola Desmond on that bill (Viola who?). Word is out that the Trudeau government plans to issue a “gay” Loonie coin this year to mark the decriminalization of homosexuality in Canada in 1969. No kidding.This change conjures up some interesting possibilities.How about a coin with a transwoman on one side and the same person before the transition on another? Or a gender "fluid" coin, where the image fluctuates between male and female depending on what angle you look at it? Or a just a "fluid" coin. A coin that is worth one dollar this morning, 50 cents this afternoon and two dollars tonight—depending how the bearer feels about it at any given moment. Right now, I have something that you believe is a 10 dollar bill. But in my wallet, it self-identifies as a 20, and wants to be accepted as payment for 30 litres of gas . If you run a gasoline station and you fail to share that subjective belief, you are clearly hateful, and therefore subject to a human rights action and a visit from two officers in the Hate division of the local police force, one of whom must be female or a person of colour, while the other must be wearing a turban.Seriously you can bet that the introduction of a gay "Loony" is only the beginning. No doubt architects of Trudopia have many more surprises in store for us. We are a project in progress. The last vestiges of ignorance, prejudice and bigotry have yet to be extirpated. We have come along way down the path of enlightenment but as they never fail to tell us, “ A lot remains to be done”. In other words, “We ain’t finished with you yet, comrade.”The Cultural Marxist timetable may run something like this:In 2020 the gay Loony will be succeeded by an LBGTQ2 Loony, and then 3 years later in 2023, a 26 letter- alphabet Loony signifying all gender variations will make an appearance. Shortly thereafter a coin with the image of two men French-kissing will be in circulation. In 2025 this image will be replaced with a depiction of sodomy, followed by threesomes 18 months further down the road. A coin celebrating pedophilia will follow in 2030, man over boy. But the progressive revolution will not stop there.Having shattered every taboo known to man, federal social engineers will then embark on a truly exciting course. Any coins that currently feature iconic Canadian wildlife will eventually depict them "in the act": Moose on moose, caribou on caribou, female ungulates on female ungulates, males on males., and in due course, inter-species copulation. In fact, a commemorative coin to mark Canada’s bicentennial in 2067 will show a Beta soy boy with shiny hair bending over for an Alpha cow in Wood Buffalo National Park. The caption will read, “If you kill your enemies, they win.” This quote will serve to remind late 21st century Canadians of just how brilliant the country’s 23rd Prime Minister really was.You will notice that these changes will not rain upon us in one big dump. The point is to schedule successive changes so as to allow sane Canadians the necessary time to adjust to them, but not enough time to organize, rise up and reject them. Once their spirit is broken, they will become reconciled to the fact that reality has been repealed by Parliament and all blockades to progress removed, the path will be wide open for the exploration of galactic frontiers where no trans man has gone before. There will be pockets of social injustice yet to be uncovered, and white cisgendered supremacists still to be rooted out, shamed and isolated. It will be at this point when historians will tell us that Justin Trudeau’s regime launched a cultural revolution that succeeded in creating what Chairman Mao failed to create. The perfect feminized, detoxified, emasculated Socialist Man---or socialist something.By 2070, the imagery on currency will feature scenes of bestiality where gender-fluid, indigenous animals of randomly selected colours and creeds ‘get it on’ with undocumented refugee claimants from Central America, in numbers proportionate to the number who actually live in Canadian society at large—or the GTA. If the visible minority of any species of any self-identified gender is not adequately represented in our currency, then a board of inquiry will be commissioned to investigate systemic discrimination by the Royal Canadian Mint, rife as it is with racism, sexism, transphobia and speciesism, making for a toxic working environment for New Canadians who aspire to make money.The board will likely be headed by Vaughn Charlton, made famous by her authorship of an internal document that questioned the RCMP’s recruiting practices. By applying “Gender Based Analysis”, Vaughn concluded that the RCMP uses obsolete criteria to exclude people with disabilities from becoming RCMP officers. As you may recall, Ms. Charlton’s report conclusively proved that the RCMP has shamelessly discouraged blind, limbless, idiot savants from applying for jobs as Mounties, and challenged the fabled Force to supply evidence that 90 lb. visually impaired, deaf midgets are incapable of breaking bar fights in Williams Lake."The only insuperable barriers that these applicants face are not their alleged disabilities, but the RCMP's attitude toward them,” Charlton was heard to say. “Instead of establishing what they can do, the RCMP focuses on what they cannot do, or what the Force assumes that they can't do. They fail to understand that their perceptions of a gimp's limitations are framed by white patriarchal assumptions and pre-conceptions conditioned as they are by a life of privilege. The metrics of competence employed by RCMP job interviewers are culturally biased, and founded on the failure to understand that concepts like height, blindness, deafness and missing appendages are mere social constructs." Hopefully Williams Lake bikers will share Charlton’s view.Ms Charlton is also to be remembered for her ground-breaking decision as a talent scout for the film industry to allow a one-legged man to audition for the role of Tarzan in a remake of Tarzan of the Apes. In that film clip, you will notice that Ms. Vaugh had transitioned to a man, Peter Cook, at least for the duration of that particular shoot.Only in Canada you say? That’s right, only in Canada, which is looking more and more like a Monty Python skit.You see in Canada, everything is possible. There are no limits. Biological or social or factual impediments are not barriers, but mere speed bumps that we can overcome by opening our hearts and minds and reaching out to all those who have yet to be "included" in the great experiment we call Canada. In Canada you can be anything you perceive yourself to be, and be the recipient of any accolade you seek, as long as there is a progressive government ready to dispense the honours and your victimhood group happens to be the flavour of the month.As Trudeau’s head of the Treasury, Scott Brison said in his resignation speech with his same sex husband and their two young daughters flanking them , only Canada would make this kind of family life possible, where two gay men can deny the right of a child to both a male and female role model in the home. Perhaps another coin can mark that achievement too.Brison, you will remember, transitioned from a Conservative leadership contender to a Liberal some years ago. No surgery required.