Every man I know who sports both a penis AND a vagina twixt his thighs says I should totally read The Time Travelers Wife and have a good cry into my matching brassier and panties. Do they really expect me to see a “sci-fi” movie that seems to have more in common with The Notebook than Blade Runner? Ah, but they weren’t suggesting I see the movie. They were suggesting I explore the source material, which is apparently a very different time traveling animal. Even those fans of the book seem to have the same misgivings as I do about the movie.

Knowing myself as well as I do, I realized I will certainly never read the book so I did the next best/worst thing and read the plot synopsis on Wikipedia. I’m sorry, vengeful Internet! I just had to know what was up with this quantum leaper and his spouse. No spoilers, but it’s actually a very cool story with a wonderfully tragic ending. Maybe that was a spoiler. If you don’t like tragedy, make sure to see the movie because they changed the ending after focus groups said it was too much of a downer. Movies, after all, aren’t supposed to make you feel sad, or uncomfortable, or angry or be anything but an escape from our mundane lives into mundane fantasy. I guess that’s why I’m having such a hard time selling my screen play about the plight of African AIDS babies getting sold to warlords to work in diamond mines. It’s called “Look Who’s Talking and Has AIDS: Baby Blood Diamond.” All the babies would be voiced by Wayans’s.