Splettizens know that this is a perennial topic here in the Splettzone and that I post something about it every year just because the answer is so fun and counterintuitive. Unless you have access to some sort of industrial freeze-drying equipment or a good quality laboratory glove box with military grade dehumidification modifications, the best place to store cocaine is…wait for it…in your freezer!

Now I can guess what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Hey, Richard, my freezer is full of frozen ice and releases a cloud of cool moist vapor whenever I open it. I don’t want my coke to get all wet and turn into a puddle of sticky mush when I cut some lines up for my friends.” Never fear! Your freezer is actually the least humid place in your house because all the water in the air inside has been locked up solid as ice. That cloud you see when you open the door is just the cold dry air from the freezer reacting to the warm, moist air of your house.

Now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the additional precaution of storing cocaine in a waterproof container like a Ziploc bag or even two. That way your drugs will be safe in the event of a power outage.

Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t take drugs and I strongly oppose not only drug abuse but recreational drug use of all kinds. But if you do take drugs and are looking for the best place to store your cocaine, the freezer is definitely the way to go!