Despite the World of Warcraft context, this comic is actually an homage to the Mario Kart DS games automaton and I play at lunch every day at work. We’ve been doing this for three years.

Over time we’ve engaged in a meta game. Because the person in 8th never has to finish the race (and because we play with a guy whose only goal while gaming is to be a dick) we have one guy who drives backwards on the track each race. His job is to wait in specific spots where we will be vulnerable and fuck us over with stars, lightning, bullets, and super mushrooms. It’s a similar form of the Wii version’s rubber band effect, which speeds up people who are further back to equalize the skill level of all the players. The only difference is our guy going backwards isn’t interested in fairplay, just dirty play. His favourite track is Choco Mountain, where there is a C-shaped turn before the finish line that starts at a low elevation at the beginning of the C, follows a loooooooong path around gradually increasing in elevation to it’s peak: the end of the C. Because there are no barriers anywhere on this small loop and the middle is filled with water, we are vulnerable at all times on this loop. But he waits. He waits until we’re just at the top the knocks us off with a mushroom so we have to drive all the way back up. He cackles when it’s the final lap, when you’re in 7th and he knocks you off over and over while everyone else is done the race. His cackle sounds like maniacal glee, but it’s similar to loons on a lake in that when you hear it you know: “this is the sound of something doing what it is supposed to be doing.” Like good programs in the Matrix.

The other meta game we engage in name changes. “Dickrider” is probably our most notorious. It was given a player as a joke where he was renamed without him knowing. He decided to own it, and made himself a theme song that was really just a chorus that sounded somewhat like the chorus from The Eagles Desperado. DiiiiiiiIIIIIiiick RiiIIIIIiider~

Currently our among our names are “CockChef” “CockHungry” and “ladyparts.” CockHungry doesn’t fit while racing so it just becomes “CockHung.”

It’s going to be a good day.