Here in America, there is one thing that ties each and every citizen together. Each and every one of us has tremendous respect for our troops. Unfortunately, for a significant amount of time, it was difficult for Americans to express this respect and bond together with it. Fortunately, it was discovered that the one and only true way to express respect for our troops was to stand during the national anthem. Anything less would be hatred towards America and borderline terrorism.

Americans are trained from a young age that whenever the national anthem plays, they are to stop and stand immediately. The alternative is to be a traitor who hates America and wants to join Isis. Schools would randomly play the anthem during the day, making sure each and every student stood and saluted. Even students taking a shit were made to stand, as a little bit of poop dripping down the leg is nothing compared to the tremendous sacrifice our troops make each and every day.

Recently, a group of researchers visited Saudi Arabia and played the American national anthem at an extremely high volume on a street plaza. They discovered that not only are the Saudi Arabians angered by the loud display of patriotism, but those who were sitting when the anthem began did not stand up out of respect for the anthem. The researchers escaped the scene and returned to America, where they reported this tremendous disrespect.

Americans do not like disrespect. Everyone in America is known for constantly respecting each other to the highest degree, never engaging in conflicts or disputes, as they are all bound together by their common identity. When disrespect does arise, however, it is treated justifiably with extreme violence and hatred. When researchers reported how Saudi Arabia had disrespected the greatest nation on Earth, people were outraged. They called for nuclear war, as disrespect of such a magnitude was punishable only by pure destruction.

We have yet to see what type of action the United States will take in light of these events, but one can only hope they will defend the art of respecting the troops by declaring all out war. As the clear “good guys,” they will clearly win the war and show the world that the national anthem is nothing to fuck around with.