1. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

2. Cycle of Abuse

3. Types of Abuse

4. Control Wheel

5. Polyvagal Chart





This chart outlines the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response we experience when faced with dangerous situations. This image is overwhelming at first, but breaking it down into sections, there is a lot of great information!





The green section at the bottom of the chart is where we want to live the majority of our days. Peacefully interacting with our environment with healthy physical responses, which can be seen in the list to the right. When we are subjected to traumatic or stressful situations, we then start to trend upwards towards the red section. Depending on your personality, you respond to these situations by either fighting back or fleeing the situation. When the stressor becomes too much to handle we switch into a freeze response. Leading to extensive negative side effects that can be seen in the blue portion at the top of the image.





We can handle this type of event on occasion with proper emotional care and mental health practices. However, when someone is in an abusive relationship they do not cycle gently between the green and red sections like the small black line shown. They cycle drastically between the green and blue sections like the big black like shown. They also spend significant portions of time in the red sections during the ups and downs of these cycles.





Over time these extended periods in the flight, fight, and freeze sections of the chart can lead to semi-permanent associations to the feelings listed. As well as the physical responses listed on the right. This can mean extended self-blame, lengthened times of dissociation, constant feelings of helplessness, or being trapped. This is why it is so important to end the cycle of abuse and utilize the healing techniques listed above to start showing your brain and body you are safe!





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If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic violence there are options available. Please see my resource page for more information. There are also local resources online for many locations across the world. Try searching for: "domestic violence help near me" If you suspect your browsing history is being monitored, searches can be performed in an incognito window on most internet browsers.





First and foremost, make sure you're needs are met! We all have basic needs which are the base of our mental and physical health. An abuser may prevent their victim from having basic physical and psychological safety. When this happens it makes it more difficult for the victim to have their social needs met, which can lead to isolation from self-blame or fear that others might discover they are being abused. This isolation can then further perpetuate the physical and emotional abuse.If you have been a victim of abuse and are looking to rebuild your life, start at the bottom of the pyramid and work your way up. Make sure you have shelter, food, and a safe place to live. If you need help in these aspects reach out to local domestic violence sources. There is a way to build a solid foundation for your basic needs and many people and organizations are willing to support you in your journey!For more information on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs check out the source for the image above. Second, learn how to break the cycle! Abuse typically follows the cycle pictured above. This cycle normalizes life around abuse and makes it more difficult for the victim to truly identify what is happening. Sometimes the cycle lasts hours. Sometimes it lasts weeks, months, or even years.Many abusers count on the "Honeymoon Phase" to explain away abusive incidents to their victims. They may perform grand gestures to assure the victim it will never happen again, or they may rely on tactics such as gas-lighting to convince the victim what happened was not actually abusive. However, this is not the truth. In reality the abuse will continue to occur, and the victim will continue to suffer.If you are stuck in this cycle, trust your gut to identify the behaviors of your abuser. This information may help you start to predict when an abusive incident is likely to occur, and it may help you determine when your abuser is likely to be most cooperative to you. Personally, without knowing the terms, I used a honeymoon and calm phase of this cycle to plan my exit strategy.For more helpful tools and worksheets check out www.therapistaid.com. Third, learn about the types of abuse. Often abusers slip by undetected because their partners are unaware of the nature of the relationship they are in. If left unidentified financial abuse and emotional abuse can escalate to physical and sexual abuse. If you suspect your partner does not communicate with you correctly or treat you with an appropriate level of respect, they could be acting on abusive behaviors. These can include, but are not limited to: threats, isolation from friends and family, insulting or raising their voice at you, minimizing or ignoring your feelings or emotional needs, and attempting to control your behavior either online or in real life.If you suspect you are being abused, or would just like some additional information, check out these great resources:The above wheel is specifically for females in heterosexual abusive relationships. However, the concept is not strictly limited to women. Men and non-binary people can be subjected to each of these aspects of power and control as well. For example, the statement "controlling what she does" could just as easily be read as "controlling what he/they do/does."This wheel outlines the types of behaviors that may be used to coerce or manipulate someone into controlling their actions. Remember, you never have to give up power to your partner. A healthy relationship is one where both parties are love and respected by one another. Equal teammates.