Over the weekend I learned that all of my current and future problems have been solved. For example, I was worried about the cost of energy, but scientists recently figured out how to make gasoline out of plants. Problem solved. http://www.chemistrytimes.com/research/Money_Doesnt_Grow_on_Trees_But_Gasoline_Might.asp With the energy problem solved, America will soon be able to leave the Middle East alone. Cheap domestic energy will heal our aching economy and end any reason for International terrorism. As a nifty side effect, this plant-to-gas technology has no carbon footprint. So say goodbye to global warming. Still, I was worried I might someday die of natural causes. Apparently there was no need to worry, as I learned on 60 Minutes. A guy with some pie tins and hot dogs discovered a cure for every type of cancer. It will take a few years to perfect it, but I think I can hold on until then. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/04/10/60minutes/main4006951.shtml?source=RSSattr=Health_4006951 Cancer isn’t the only health problem I was worried about. I might need a new heart someday. As luck would have it, I will soon be able to grow a replacement in the lab. http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/01/14/rat.heart.ap/index.html You’re probably thinking you don’t want your body to live a long time if your mind isn’t going to be sharp. No problem. Scientists have an Alzeimers vaccine in the works. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=463811&in_page_id=1770&ct=5 The other potential problem of living a long time is that the planet will get filled up with too many a-holes. Luckily we are only twenty years away from the development of the first Mars colony. I am already packing my bags. http://www.wired.com/science/space/news/2005/07/68311 With all of this good news, I am left with only one nagging concern. What if all the good news is either exaggerated or overly optimistic? Nah.