Viewed from one angle, parenthood can feel like a long series of mis-steps, self-reproach and faltering recovery; my own parenting motto is "fail again, fail better", which gives you some idea of how much fun it is in my house. The new 4Children report considering British parents' drinking habits lands squarely in this tender spot of parental guilt, asserting that a significant (although unspecified) proportion of us have a more problematic relationship with alcohol than we are prepared to acknowledge.

Teetotallers and recovering alcoholics aside, I suspect that few parents make it through the toddler (or teenage) years without making a brittle joke about wine o'clock while scrabbling for the fridge; but so long as our intake remains within squinting distance of the guidelines, we tend not to think too deeply about whether our drinking is having a serious impact on our parenting. Those who find themselves not merely opening, but actually finishing bottles on a daily basis may creep closer to a queasy state of concern.

The 4Children report is a stern reminder that our habits are not necessarily benign, and sketches an uncompromising line between alcohol use and neglectful or abusive parenting. According to a National Psychiatric Morbidity Survey from 2000, 22% (2.6 million) of under-16s lived with a hazardous drinker and 6% (705,000) with a dependent drinker; and children who fall into those groups are also more likely to be affected by domestic violence and child abuse.

Recalling nothing so much as the non-drinking friend at a heavy pub session, 4Children remarks caustically that "self-awareness, or the lack of it, enshrouds the issue". Those seeking certainties, unit recommendations and appropriate cocktail recipes will, however, be disappointed. There appears to be no definite point at which taking-the-edge-off tips over into danger territory – the main message of the report is: whatever you're currently drinking, drink less. As such, it risks veering into the world of slightly infantilising advice with which women become familiar the instant they report their pregnancy to a GP.

The pages are studded with painful box quotes from children who recall seeing their parents stashing bottles in cupboards or failing to get up in the morning. For anyone whose alcohol use is less evidently problematic, this is actually curiously (and presumably unintentionally) reassuring. One question that seems to go unanswered is: if your intake is within guidelines, your children don't see you drunk, and you are providing a safe and predictable environment for them, do you really have any kind of problem at all?

Perhaps it's inevitable when dealing with the enormous variety contained within entire populations, but there's a lack of subtlety in much public health advice handed out to pregnant and post-natal women, and it can be counter-productive. Recent attempts to persuade expectant mothers to stop drinking entirely – despite a lack of evidence that a few units a week cause any appreciable harm – risked a loss of trust.

A fairly cursory survey of recent Mumsnet threads on the topic reveals a range of responses: those who don't drink at all; those who drink very occasionally, or remain within guidelines; those who drink more than the recommended amount, but don't feel it's problematic; and those who know that they have the beginnings of a "problem", or who are in recovery. My guess is that 4Children is targeting an audience somewhere around the third category; drinking (objectively speaking) "too much", but resistant to advice. While the report is an interesting contribution, and will certainly prompt some self-reflection among many parents reading it, an acknowledgement of differing levels of intake and dependency might persuade us to listen more closely to the messages it contains.