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The Wire is the greatest television show of all time. I don’t really care what you have to say about Breaking Bad, or The Sopranos, or even what Ben Lindbergh has to say about Elementary. The depth and multitude of characters combined with the realistic approach and attention to detail put The Wire above all others.

The 2004 Baltimore Orioles were not the greatest baseball team of all time. They weren’t even close. After starting the year with high expectations, they finished with a record of 74-88. The fact that they gave 28 starts to Daniel Cabrera should tell you all you need to know. Usually a team like that would disappear into annals of baseball history, forever forgotten. Thanks to The Wire, the 2004 Orioles will undeservingly survive as a supporting actor in the greatest show ever.

In the middle of first episode of season 3, our complex heroes McNulty and Bunk take a break from seeking justice to attend a ballgame at Camden Yards. Before the show involves itself in the everyday problems of Mr. McNulty, it takes a brief moment to flash the scoreboard from that particular game.

This one shot provides enough information to figure out that this was indeed a real game that happened on May 5th, 2004. Just in case you can’t read that lineup for the Chi Sox it was…

Harris/Uribe/Ordonez/Thomas/Lee/Konerko/Crede/Perez/Alomar. We can also deduce that Juan Uribe was seriously on fire at the time hitting .441 with 3 bombs in his last 9 games.

It’s certainly possible that McNulty and Bunk weren’t the only members of the Baltimore Police Department in attendance that day. While the lineup says that Sidney Ponson was the starting pitcher that day, I ask you: have you ever seen Ponson and Officer Herc in the same place?

After flashing the scoreboard for the briefest of moments, the show focuses in on McNulty and Bunk conversing in the stands. They talk about matters of upmost importance including the location of McNulty’s children in the stadium, and hot dogs.

We are led to assume that Juan Uribe is still hitting at this point as his face was flashed on the scoreboard not a moment ago. But when the camera turns back to the game to show Sidney Ponson delivering one of his trademark mediocre fastballs…

Juan Uribe is nowhere to be seen. In place of Uribe’s voluptuous smile, we are given a glimpse of left fielder Carlos Lee who promptly pops one of Ponson’s fastballs up and out of play.

By the magic of television we’ve been transported into the future having been robbed of most of an inning. At this point we’ve missed Juan Uribe single and steal a base. Now I don’t know very much about television, but I believe Juan Uribe stealing a base might have been the most entertaining thing on the air that day. But instead of seeing such drama we are subjected to a pop foul that Javy Lopez chases behind the net and out of play.

The scene then cuts away to some people doing drugs with the O’s game on in the background. You can clearly hear Fred Manfra and Joe Angel calling the game while Bubs and his boy do some drugs. There are a few other times in the show when the Orioles game is on the radio, but this is the first time we get the actual Orioles broadcast; a truly momentous moment in the show.

After some good old Baltimore drug stuff, we are sent back to the game, but this time we’re on the concourse. McNulty has gone to retrieve his two sons from his separated wife who is sitting elsewhere in the stadium. While McNulty’s ex was sitting behind home plate with the kids and her rich lawyer boyfriend, the two sons are still wearing knockoff Melvin Mora jerseys.

While it’s reassuring that McNulty’s sons support Melvin Mora and his six children, it’s a bit confounding as to why they can’t afford real jerseys now that they are sitting behind home plate and what not. Maybe they cling to these jerseys as a reminder of a simpler time when their parents weren’t divorced and all their dad could afford on a cop’s salary was a couple of fake Orioles jerseys.

After cutting away to a crime scene for a brief moment the show returns to the game as the PA announcer introduces the new White Sox pitcher. “Damaso Marte” the speakers blare, as every knowledgeable baseball fan chuckles under their breath. Detective Bunk then receives a phone call informing him that he must return to work. As he leaves, we shoot back to the action to see Miguel Tejada rip a ball down the third baseline.

As Tejada chugs down to first we see a play at the plate between a youthful Brian Roberts and a not-so-youthful Sandy Alomar.

This situation seems simple enough. Roberts is out at home. Bunk leaves the game. Damaso Marte escapes a jam. Right? WRONG. According to the internets, Damaso Marte pitched the eighth inning that mysterious night facing four batters, NONE OF WHOM were named Miguel Tejada. The play in question actually took place in the 5th inning while Mark Buehrle was pitching because of course Mark Buehrle was pitching.

We are not dealing with normal forces here, ladies and gentlemen. Oh no. This is baseball in a totally different realm. We’ve been transported to Bunny Colvin’s Hamsterdam and we’ve received a full vile of that “WMD. GOT THAT WMD!” Like it does with so many other subjects, The Wire takes our preconceived notions of baseball and flips it on its head. By presenting baseball in such a distorted manner, the show argues that in a place like Baltimore, anything can happen; even time-traveling baseball games.

As the scene draws to a close Bunk gets up to leave the park. McNulty is left all alone with his thoughts and a mediocre baseball team to root for. Suddenly, out of nowhere, something terrifying happens. Something so unfathomably shocking and disturbing to the people of Baltimore that it makes the drug trade, the political corruption, and the violent crime seem like nothing more than petty nuisances. A booming voice emanates from the stadium speakers, rattling the bones of the unfortunate souls in attendance before flowing out onto the streets of Baltimore and beyond. A sound so cruel and so hurtful to Baltimoreans that the city may need years, nay, decades to recover.

“NOW BATTING, CENTER FIELDER, LUIS MATOS.”

Awesome notes and tidbits from the game:

- Japanese pitcher Shingo Takatsu got one of his eight career wins by coming on in relief.

- Darnell McDonald batted 9th and played left field for the O’s. He went 3 for 4, raising his season average to .308. It would not last.

- Mark Buehrle made an error, something he has done only 17 other times in his entire career.

- Entering the game as a pinch runner for Rafael Palmeiro in the bottom of the 9th was none other than Jose Bautista. Yes. That Jose Bautista.

Jake is the co-founder and co-mastermind of the Cespedes Family BBQ. He is a freshman at Washington University in St. Louis and an Orioles fan. He once thanked Mike Trouts parents for having sex.