What?

The Herb Pod (£14.95, Ethical Superstore) is a preserving locker with a hinged door and tethered stopper. Herbs placed inside are hydrated by a concealed basal pool.

Why?

Some kitchen aids just wanna get fresh with you.

Well?

The shape of these gadgets makes this column very hard. I don’t want to trawl the gutter, but they may as well have called it “Lovage Stick” or “Rosemary’s Thyme” or the “Knock, Knock, Hold on I’m Cumin”. Who decided that a smooth cylinder with a stubby appendage near the base of the shaft is best to keep herbs fresh? Come on, guys.



Thankfully, the ludicrous name they chose saves us from investigating the pornification of parsley. “Prepara Savor Pod 2.0” is what they came up with. Not even a robot would name its child that. It makes me think of many things – cryogenics, headphones, an astronaut eating an anniversary meal for one.

Unsure whether I should be preserving dill or attempting to break the land speed record, I try it out. Savor Pod offers you “optimum herb savings”. That’s actually what the box says. As if “herb savings” are an existing thing we’ve all been concerned about, and so serious that any advancement in the field has to be phrased like a mortgage pamphlet. And it does take itself seriously. “Basil. Cilantro. Mint. And … asparagus,” the box boasts above little pictures of them, like an A-list cast propping up a generic blockbuster. “Triple their life!” it says, suggesting the movie is an improbable sci-fi or the redemptive story of how elderly Coriander went skydiving, became a graffiti artist and learned to love again.

Anyway, the herb storer’s secret is a little pool of fresh water in the bottom. Topped up every three days, this keeps the green stuff crisp in the plastic cocoon. And it works – after three weeks, my herbs are fresher than if they had been left to rot. But you know what topping up water every three days reminds me of? Watering a living plant. Such as herbs, grown in a pot. BOOYAH, Prepara! Hoisted by your own petard! (I know that’s not the correct use of that phrase.) As pointless as its rounded head.

The secret? A little pool of water. Photograph: Graham Turner/The Guardian

Redeeming features?

Keeps produce fresh for “3 X Longer Plus.” Truly obscene, seemingly true.

Counter, drawer, back of the cupboard?

Fridge drawer – or inside Savor Pod 3.0, like a matryoshka doll of herbal prophylactics. 2/5

