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LIFE is full of mysteries. Is there a God? Does alien life exist? What is it with the BBC and John Barrowman?

Where he came from, or how he came to take over our screens, no one knows.

He is one of those composite, plastic TV personalities – like Dermot O’Leary – favoured by TV executives, who are ­everywhere without actually being that popular.

Of course as far as Barrowman is concerned, he can do it all (family entertainer, West End trouper, sci-fi action hero) when actually the contrary is true.

It’s not possible to watch him acting his pretty little socks off in Torchwood on Thursdays without seeing the presenter of Tonight’s the Night (a pointless, joyless variation of Jim’ll Fix It) on Saturdays.

Personally, I never liked ­Torchwood.

The central concept – of so many incidents involving highly intelligent extra-terrestrials happening in Cardiff – never seemed that convincing.

I didn’t buy the way ­Torchwood was marketed as “Doctor Who for adults” because Doctor Who is fine for adults as it is. And I couldn’t understand why there was an organisation named after an anagram of “Doctor Who” when he’s called The Doctor.

As for Barrowman, he’s so bland he is actually the ­antithesis of alien. He has the acting style of a man who is clearly trying too hard.

Where he clearly looks in the mirror and sees the perfect teeth and cheekbones of the second Tom Cruise, he just comes across as the new Tony Blackburn.

He has smarm not charm. What shines out of the screen is his rampant ambition, his ­sickening vanity.

The good news about the new series of Torchwood is it appears to acknowledge all of this.

Firstly, it has re-located, using the improbable plot device of the CIA extraditing Torchwood’s entire staff (both of them) to the US and becoming flagrantly American rather than Welsh. TV genius Russell T Davies has devised a 10-part storyline based around a classic Hollywood concept, “What if people suddenly stopped dying?”

Torchwood has thus gone from the poor man’s Doctor Who to a nifty amalgam of The X Files, 24, ER and Prison Break.

As such, it is packed full of expensive explosions, chase scenes, helicopter shots and the unedifying sight of Barrowman and Eve Myles packing more guns than Bruce and Arnie. Happily, Barrowman himself hardly features. Episode one made it to the 20-minute mark without him even appearing.

It was as if they realised they couldn’t stand him either.

Instead, the excellent Mekhi Phifer (from ER) starred as an intense CIA officer who treats aliens interfering with human mortality and the annoyance of having to pay to go across the Severn Bridge with equal ­exasperation.

Only Barrowman’s contrived and clunky contributions slowed it down.

Even without Barrowman’s nauseating preening, Captain Jack Harkness is the dullest Doctor Who character, totally lacking the Doctor’s mystique.

As the captain’s trusty ­sidekick Gwen pointed out: “Every time you turn up, something always goes wrong.”

The continued obsession with Jack’s “controversial” sexuality, meanwhile, is contrived and just old hat.

“I’m not gay but I’ll let you feel me up if you go and get me a vodka…” Captain Jack purred to an air steward, ­delivering a line that was neither flirtatious nor dangerous but actually unpleasant.

What IS brave is that, whereas before the whole show was based around Barrowman’s pantomime antics, he has now been reduced to the status of an occasional irritant.

If only Torchwood could get rid of John Barrowman ­altogether, it would probably be quite good.