‘I’m asexual and aromantic, and I don’t need to be fixed’ 23-year-old Yasmin Benoit is a model, an activist, and proudly aromantic and asexual

Yasmin Benoit, 23, is a model and an ACE activist from Reading who lives in London. She has spoken openly about being asexual and aromantic to discuss misconceptions and visibility for people on the asexual and aromantic spectrum.

I worked out I was asexual and aromantic before I knew there were words for it. I noticed around the same time people notice they’re sexual, when I was approaching puberty, and noticed the kids around me in my secondary school in Reading saying they fancied each other.

At first, I thought, okay, maybe at some point I’ll feel this feeling, and a desire to be in a relationship as well. But then, I realised I didn’t want to encourage any feelings, and I didn’t feel like I needed to make myself do it. I just thought, I’m not interested and that’s fine with me.

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‘If you don’t have a partner, you’re told you’re incomplete’

When I was 15, I first heard the word asexual. My school friends had asked me who I fancied, and I said that I thought I was straight, but I didn’t really like guys. But my friends were confused. I said that really, I didn’t fancy anyone. Then, one of my friends said that maybe I was asexual. I looked it up, and the definition – that asexual people don’t experience any sexual attraction to another person – really clicked.

I usually get asked about asexuality more than being aromantic, because society places the emphasis on sexuality. Unless you’re aware of the separation, people like me who are both aromantic and asexual can get confused. But they are two distinct things. Some people can be one thing, and not necessarily both. Aromanticism means you do not experience romantic attraction to other people.

There’s a lot of aromantic people who are sexual. As we all know, there’s a lot of people who just wanna get laid who don’t wanna date! But when it’s the other way around, society thinks you’re doing it wrong if you’re not dating. You especially feel that pressure around Valentines, and that occasion definitely applies more pressure to the romantic aspect of my life.

It’s hard to come out when no one knows what you’re talking about. With asexuality, people just try to debunk it. Even though my mum has always been supportive, with the rest of the world, it hasn’t always been easy. I never recall having that conversation with my mum, for example, as I’ve been open about who I am since I realised. When I got older and had to explain it, most people didn’t believe me, even some of my friends. They only started to take it seriously when I wrote about it, even though I’d told them several times before.

A lot of people impose their ideas of what works for them on you. At university, I was stressed about my Sociology coursework, and I met up with a university counsellor to discuss it. When she asked me a little more about myself, and I said I was aromantic and asexual, she framed it as if it was the reason behind my difficulties. People assume it’s something that needs to be fixed, with some asexual people medicated to induce a libido. It’s not something I want to fix.

‘I’m not a prude, traumatised or religious’

More widely, people confuse my aromanticism and asexuality as not having a libido, or more generally, with not wanting to have kids, or that it’s because you’re unattractive, or that you’re a sociopath lacking empathy, or you’re attracted to yourself, which is an interesting one. Asexuality and aromanticism is a spectrum, so not everyone feels how I do.

I’ve been trolled a lot, and one of the wildest conspiracy theories I’ve heard someone attack me with is that asexuality and aromanticism is a side effect of veganism. I’m not even a vegetarian! I’m not a prude, or traumatised, or religious. My mind just works how it does.



There’s this idea that if you don’t have a partner, you’re incomplete or lonely.

I see a lot of relationships come and go , and with a lot of them, it seems pretty clear that they’re not going to be permanent. To me, it seems like a lot of effort for something that is so transient.

The idea of a good relationship to me is a really good friendship, because it lasts longer. If you have a serious best friend, it’s practically a partner. You can share a flat, have a pet, water the plants together, and do all that fun stuff without that attachment involved. There’s other people’s definitions, but other relationships are equally fulfilling and manifest in different ways. I think it would do a lot of us some good to remember that there are a lot of close bonds that are equally as valid and valuable.

All sexualities existed since the beginning of time, and the words aromantic and asexual were first used at least a century ago. But compared to other sexualities, being gay, or even being transgender, it’s taken longer to get any acknowledgement of the fact. A lot could be improved when it comes to understanding around asexuality and aromanticism, because we have next to nothing.

The more I interact with the media, I become more aware of how many myths there are out there. We are left out of almost every conversation, sexually, politically, in feminism, even in LGBTQ discussions. Asexuality and aromanticism need to be included in the same way any sexuality is. In the way that trans people have recently become more visible and started to bring about the change the community deserves, we’re still waiting for that hard shift to happen.

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week takes place from 17 – 23 February