PHILADELPHIA, PA—Hillary Clinton celebrated a landmark accomplishment Tuesday night as she officially became the four billionth woman in the world forced to begrudgingly confront a vile and bitter man who loves nothing more than the deafening sound of his own ignorance.

Clinton, the Democratic nominee, will run for president against notable blowhard Donald Trump this November.

"We're delighted, and so deeply sorry to hear that she will be joining us in our ongoing work," explained the world's nearly four billion women in unison.

Sources close to Clinton say she has already begun amassing tips and strategies from fellow women all over the continent.

"She has a brainstorming session today with Leslie Jones from Ghostbusters," Clinton's top aide confirmed. "Hillary really wanted to pick Leslie's brain about how to handle an insecure misogynist scumbag. I scheduled a nine-hour lunch for those two at a really cool dim sum place. I think they've got a lot to talk about."

According to the aide, Clinton has also solicited advice from journalist Megyn Kelly, as well as a female college student at Yale who is bravely enduring a first-year politics seminar, a female video gamer in Texas, a woman in Montana who recently left a supportive comment under a YouTube video, and dozens of television news reporters across North America who have experienced severe sexual harassment on camera while trying to do their jobs.

Hattie Rothschild, a 103-year-old woman who attended the Democratic convention last night says she never thought she'd live to see the day when every last woman on the earth would be required to challenge a loud, angry, spiteful man determined to dismiss and demean her at every turn.

"When I was growing up, only some women had that kind of energy," Rothschild explains tearfully. "Very few, in fact. For most of us it was far too dangerous and exhausting, so we'd just smile in our 38 layers of petticoats and quietly consider whether an embroidery needle might make an effective murder weapon."