Why I Raised My Child on Feminist Porn

For those of you who don’t know, I am a father to a beautiful baby boy. Or girl! Please don’t be offended- I’m genderblind. And from the age of three I have been raising him or her exclusively on feminist porn.

That’s right! No Sesame Street for my child. In this house we learn everything we know from dignified, progressive, and most of all, feminist porn. My toddler only gets screen time to watch porn that is both female-represented AND female-respected. I’m basically father of the year for 2018. Just kidding of course. A woman should win that award.

See, the thing that differentiates feminist porn from other forms of media such as children’s shows, Disney movies, and picture books is that the performers in feminist porn are respected on and off set. Also feminist porn is mostly images of people fucking and I’m assuming those other forms of children’s entertainment are not.

Most importantly, the performers in feminist porn are treated well OFF set. These performers receive equal pay and their preferences about what they will not do on camera are respected. I want my child to learn these values, and instructing them to watch hundreds of hours of porn before they develop the cognitive ability of perspective taking is the only way I can think to do that.

I’m no hero. I’m just a dad with innovative child-rearing practices.

Seriously, how else would you suggest I instill these values on my genderless, nameless, fingerprintless child? Am I going to be just another dad (Or mom! I don’t know what I’m allowed to identify as, and that’s OKAY) who forces their child to watch porn that does not uphold any particular value system? I will not allow myself to become a statistic. Just like I will not allow my child to watch non-feminist porn. Or Barney. Evolution is a lie propagated by Satan to convert children to his sinful ways.

This is why I will continue to raise my child on feminist porn only, no matter how many times Child Protective Services is called. Fight the system! And if you agree with me, leave a comment. Make sure to say your full name, a contact number, your address, and the name of your local police department.