Ah, sex. It gives us life. It sells. It dashes hopes and raises them. No wonder Oscar Wilde once said, “everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

Perhaps this is why so many of us feel like we haven’t properly grasped it yet - why many of us feel that we’re not experiencing it to its full potential, despite the fact that it seems to be a huge part of our everyday existence, from the television we watch to the adverts we see on billboards.

Whether you’re satisfied with the role sex plays in your life or not, much like a golf handicap, there’s always room for improvement. As with any other skill we hope to master, practice and study make perfect.

These are the books that will help you better understand not only how to improve your sex life but the role it plays in gender, society and our mental health.

The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides Psy D

Joannides sums up the phenomenon of The Guide pretty much perfectly: “I originally wrote this book for people who wanted to have better sex. But then it started winning awards and being used in college sex-ed courses.” Yes - The Guide to Getting It On could possibly be one of the greatest volumes on intercourse and everything that goes with it of all time.

With 51 chapters delving in to everything from porn to the pill, casual sex to abuse, this is an all-encompassing guide that manages to be both extremely informative and inclusive – more like the kind of conversation you might have with a friend at the pub than a condescending litany on intercourse.

Despite the fact that it’s become a kind of educational ‘textbook’, it lacks the alienating or clinical jargon that made the sex education that most adults were subject to in school frightfully and disappointingly dull. What it all boils down to is something that sex ed failed to teach most of us and that Joannides uses as a kind of motto: “It doesn’t matter what you’ve got in your pants if there is nothing in your brain to connect it to.” Ain’t that the truth.

Approachable and funny as hell, this is as good a read for a bona fide grownup as it is for your gawky teenager.

£14.99 | Amazon | Buy it now

Vagina: A New Biography

Naomi Wolf

The author of the much-praised The Beauty Myth returned in 2013 with another cult classic, albeit perhaps not one you’re likely to whip out on the tube during your morning commute. But then again why not?

After entering a new relationship in her forties and enjoying a rejuvenated sex life, Wolf found, much to her horror, that despite the sexual satisfaction she enjoyed in her life, her one-time world-shattering orgasms had quietly slipped out the back door, leaving in their place much politer, less intense ones. Kind of like going to a musical and only getting to watch the understudy.

Not one to back down without a fight, Wolf underwent surgery after finding out that her spinal chord was pressing on there pelvic nerves. In the process, she also found out that the vagina is largely governed by the brain.

This book combines science and social commentary to explore the history of female desire, identity and creativity. Though the language is difficult to follow at times, it’s a fascinating read that delves into the link between mentality and sexual satisfaction - a look under the car bonnet, for want of a better expression.

£8.59 | Amazon | Buy it now

Come as you are: The Surprising New Science that will Transform your Sex Life

Dr Emily Nagoski, Ph.D

If you ever watched an episode of Sex and the City and quietly wondered to yourself either a) how Samantha managed to have more full-body orgasms than you’ve had hot dinners or b) if you’re a terrible lover because you’ve never seen your female partner succumb to such a thing, this is the book for you.

Aside from the fact that it has a brilliant cover, it offers an insight into the reality behind what it actually takes for women to orgasm; from the science to the psychological buttons that need to be pressed.

Written by sex educator Dr Emily Nagoski, Ph.D, it’s a refreshingly reassuring read that reminds you how normal you actually are whilst also offering you the tools to take your climaxes – or your partner’s - to brand new heights.

£10.48 | Amazon | Buy it now

The Sex Issue by The Editors of Goop

Given that Goop has become synonymous with the selling of vaginal jade eggs, pelvic floor trainers and libido tonics, it’s little surprise that Gwyneth Paltrow’s company has now come out with a tome all about the art of having sex.

Here us out, though - this is actually a pretty useful book, filled with advice from experts Goop has interviewed over the years and offering tips on sexuality, seduction and the act itself.

If you’ve ever wondered how to increase your sexual appetite, how to incorporate toys into your usual romps without feeling like a prize idiot or simply how to better seduce your crush, this is the guide for you. Much like Goop itself, it’s a modern day take on questions and issues as old as time itself.

£15.99 | Amazon | Buy it now

The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti

What is it about virginity that the world is so obsessed with? Mary was revered for it, Lolita coveted for it and every teenage girl between London and Timbuktu both praised and ridiculed for it.

Valenti has written this book to examine the United States’ apparent fixation on virginity, from the way it’s covered in the media to the way sex education is taught in schools.

According to Valenti, the communication surrounding it is proving detrimental to young women, encouraging them to place their entire worth in their sexuality. Though it is now ten years old, much of the commentary on modern society and the uncovered cultural history is still worryingly relevant, making this a highly informative read for any woman questioning her worth and any man doing so too.

£10.31 | Wordery | Buy it now

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

Many of us love the idea of getting married or of having a life partner that we stick with through thick and thin. This is largely down to the way society sells us the idea of monogamy and cohabitation as a goal that every functioning adult should aspire to.

Sure, when the going’s good, we get it - what’s not to love about living with your best friend who you also happen to find highly attractive? But what about during the bad times or - perhaps even worse - the dull times? This is the concept that Esther Perel - one of the most highly regarded social commentators of the 21st century - explores in Mating in Captivity.

Looking at the way our need for security and love conflicts with our desire for excitement, Perel delves into what makes us tick and how to reignite the spark. This is a sexy, fun and informative guide to heating up your sex life by injecting some of the initial elements that have been lost along the way - uncertainty and playfulness being but two of them.

£7.19 | Amazon | Buy it now

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science by Mary Roach

If the title doesn’t give it away, let us give you a hint: this book is hilarious. Written in Roach’s congenial, sardonic style, it’s a witty path of discovery that sheds light on many of the questions we’ve asked about sex in the past and a whole lot more we’ve never even thought of.

Speaking to scientists, visiting laboratories and getting stuck in the mud at pig farms, Roach takes a look at a whole load of past and present research on sex and how to get better it.

If you’re interested in learning a bit about the history and culture of sex but don’t want to get stuck into a volume that’s heavy with accusations or grandiose proclamations, Roach’s book offers a toe-dipping kind of experience that will equip you with some useful information as well as a load of amusing anecdotes to whip out at your next dinner party.

£9.99 | Amazon | Buy it now

The Little Book of Kink by Jessica O’Reilly

Thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, the world has had something of a sexual revolution and the idea of being tied up and braiding one’s hair back now seems almost twee, passe and tediously vanilla.

If you’re keen to get your kink on, take a look at sexologist Jessica O’Reilly’s tome, which offers advice and tips on how to inject a bit of dark playfulness into your usual bedroom routine.

Equally, if you’re nervous about the idea of kinkiness and think this equates to being tied up and basically tortured, this book can talk you down from that particularly terrifying prospect and offer a helpful hand (as it were) to learning the ways of bondage, spanking and role-playing. It’s enough to make Anastasia Steele’s ‘inner goddess’ blush.

£12.56 | Wordery | Buy it now

Also available on Amazon

Verdict:

For an overall crowd-pleaser, you really can’t beat The Guide To Getting It On. It has everything you’d want in a book about sex - humour, truth, advice and, most importantly, diagrams. A great one whether you’re a sexual novice or have been around the rodeo more times than you care to count.

ESBest product reviews are unbiased, independent advice you can trust. On some occasions, we earn revenue if you click the links and buy the products, but we never allow this to bias our coverage. The reviews are compiled through a mix of expert opinion and real-world testing.

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