Other than being shot (luckily she had bad aim), getting elected to Parliament was as close as I’ve come to losing my soul. Twice.

One day four years ago Conservative House Leader Jay Hill pulled me behind the gold curtains in the House of Commons. Naturally I expected to be mugged. However he said the prime minister had agreed to appoint me to the Parliamentary standing committee on Finance – but only if I was a good and loyal boy. “He expects you to be a team player,” Hill said. I smiled and wagged my tail.

A week later my office door opened and in walked a guy I had known as a big executive at one of major bank’s mortgage operations. This time his business card said AIG Canada, and he had come to lobby me. F and the boys had apparently agreed to allow more players into the mortgage insurance business, with the intent of loosening up the rules, allowing more flexibility for sub-prime borrowers and encouraging home ownership with a package that also included 40-year amortizations and 0% down payments.

It was late 2006, and the US real estate market was in its early stages of collapse. Not hard to tell why. Lax lending standards, no-money house purchases and easy credit had led to a price bubble and runaway speculation, which inevitably unraveled. I listened in fascination to the pitch, then decided not to be a team player.

Although I was able to force hearings into the proposed changes, stopping them was not in the cards. Within a few months, the Canadian federal government was catering to the real estate lobby, thereby helping to escalate prices and make houses less affordable by reducing standards. A few months after that, the prime minister dooced me.

Hallelujah. Thank you, brother Stephen! Another soul saved.

Anyway, I thought of all this when I heard this week that the country’s realtors have started a new blitz in Ottawa to serve their own interests at the expense of the rest of us. As you know, F is seriously considering changing mortgage rules. Barn door. Horse. This could result in minimum down payments being hiked from 5% to 10% in order to qualify for mortgage insurance, plus an end to those wealth-sucking 35-year amortizations.

We know a few bank CEOs (TD, BeeMo) have been suggesting this, because they get to see the shocking mortgage numbers on a weekly basis. They know the vast majority of new home loans being written are 5/35ers, and the mildest of real estate corrections will drown countless young couples in unrepayable, equityless debt. Not good for the banks, even with CMHC standing in the wings.

We also know spooky Mark Carney, head of the Bank of Canada, has been urging Ottawa to do the same thing. He’s apparently outraged to learn that, after he offered consumers unlimited crack cocaine in the form of emergency interest rates, they took it and flipped out. Now Canadians owe so much that the economy could be tanked for years as they try to pay it back rather than buy quads and drywall like they’re supposed to.

So, here come the realtors. CREA just sent this emergency communication to the troops:

Real estate agents and brokers are being urged to write their MPs immediately. Mortgage debt, they argue, ain’t like car loans or credit card debt. And buying a house is almost religious, “the foundation of household equity and a gateway to financial security.”

But here’s the real argument being made. Grab a tissue before you proceed.

“Additional changes to mortgage financing rules would raise the barrier to homeownership excessively and destabilize housing markets and the economy. In particular, we are concerned about the negative impact modifications to the allowable amortization period or minimum down payment requirements would have. These changes would create affordability problems, especially for first-time buyers. First-time buyers are the first link in a chain reaction of real estate activity. They allow existing home owners to change properties or rent.

“Creating burdensome barriers for first time buyers will seriously impact the rest of the market, including retirees looking to downsize. Further tightening of mortgage rules would have other far reaching consequences for the economy. It risks causing a home price correction, a drop in the net worth of Canadian households, lowered economic growth and reduced tax revenues. Consumer confidence would be damaged, labour mobility would be impeded, and unemployment would stay elevated.”

Yes, everything but the wholesale slaughter of puppies. In fact, the mere prospect of these changes may be why dead birds are raining down on the world. It’s a sign.

Well, good thing I slipped my hip waders over my taut, naked body before I started writing this piece, with all the crap that the above paras contain. In fact, it’s excessive credit, lazy lending rules and the sucking-in of guileless and hormonal property virgins hat has led to real estate inflation and swollen family debt. Aping the Yanks, we‘ve allowed homeowners to turn into speculators, places like Vancouver to become housing casinos, and shelter to slip beyond the grasp of the middle class.

So there’s a much stronger argument for saying a housing price correction is exactly what this country needs. The alternative is to let idiot politicians and wanking realtors continue to blow gas into the Hindenburg. Then, hello Detroit and Phoenix.

If you share this heretical view, then let F know. His email’s [email protected]

Don’t you dare tell him where you got that. I so hate getting into trouble.