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Let’s get something straight right off the top: LeBron James will not be signing with the Golden State Warriors this summer.

By the time you read this, though, you’ll have probably heard that James is going to be wearing blue and yellow soon. You’ll likely have listened to an “impassioned” debate about whether or not that’s a good idea for him and/or the Warriors, too. I bet someone in Cleveland will have burned a No. 23 jersey.

But LeBron James isn’t going to be a Warrior, and to learn that, you don’t need this column — you just need to read the second paragraph of the excellent reporting that started all of this nonsense.

ESPN’s Chris Haynes is an excellent reporter and a good guy — we’re not buddies but we’re peers, and I respect how he does his job. He’s a pro.

Late Wednesday night, Haynes reported that James would be interested in signing with the Warriors this summer, should Golden State create enough salary cap room to sign him.

I don’t have relationships with LeBron or his business partners — I cannot corroborate the report — and I have no idea why LeBron’s people would want that information out in the open, but knowing Haynes, I have zero reason to doubt that the information in the report is accurate.

If you were looking for an answer to the narrow hypothetical “would LeBron sign with the Warriors this summer if Golden State had the salary cap room?”, you have one. The answer is maybe. We now know, though Haynes’ report, that he’d think about it.

There’s tremendous value in answering that hypothetical.

If only it could be left at that…

Cue the chaos.

Let me let you in on a secret of this sports media trade, one that I learned from my time at KNBR and Fox Sports — two places that “embraced debate”:

Everything becomes a question.

If you watch and listen closely, you’ll notice that every day on ESPN, FS1, and sports talk radio is an endless stream of questions. You probably haven’t noticed — I didn’t notice for a long time — but it’s painfully transparent. Hell, the TV networks post the questions on the screen.

For instance: Tom Brady said Wednesday that he doesn’t want to retire anytime soon. That’s news.

But you can’t fill a five-to-ten minute block for SportsCenter, A.M Shouting, the Two Plain White Guys Morning Show, and All Takes Matter with just that. You need so much more. So, instead, you get questions (loosely) stemming from that quote, like:

“Is Brady holding the Patriots hostage?”

“Does Brady’s longevity make him the GOAT?”

“What should we expect from Brady next year?”

“Is Tom Brady good enough to make it to 45?”

“Who retires first, Belichick or Brady?”

Are the questions fair? Sure. But, wait, what brought this all up again?

It doesn’t matter — for many, this sports media game isn’t about information, it’s about conversation.

And that’s where this LeBron story is going to run into problems.

Haynes answered a question Wednesday in his report — a narrow hypothetical. And again, there’s value in that answer.

But today, the answer to that narrow hypothetical will be put into the QUESTION CREATOR 3000, and turned into 150 different segments — there are 24 hours of programming to fill, after all. So:

“Do the Warriors need LeBron?”

“Which is worse, KD or LeBron to Golden State?”

“Are the Warriors unhappy with their current team?”

“Would LeBron to the Warriors kill the NBA?”

“Can the Celtics make a move to counter LeBron to the Warriors?”

Each of those questions has a basis — Wednesday’s report — but the questions get progressively further and further from the truth of that report. Eventually, we’ll forget the report ever existed.

There’s another problem with the QUESTION CREATOR 3000, though: in order to create queries, you need to have something solid (preferably empirical) from which to work — the score of a game is a great input.

But the foundation of “LeBron to the Warriors?” is merely a step beyond hypothetical.

The QUESTION CREATOR 3000 cannot handle this kind of nuance — it has no input for “if”.

But the shows must go on.

As Haynes explained in his report, to even have the opportunity to court LeBron, the Warriors would need to gut their team, starting with Kevin Durant opting out of his contract and then signing another less-than-fair-value deal. If that happens, LeBron would take a meeting. And then Golden State would need to clear more salary, either through a sign-and-trade (Klay Thompson and Andre Iguodala?) with Cleveland or a straight salary dump deal with another team.

Other than that, though — it’s a done deal…

Could you make a deal like that happen? It’s not impossible —Durant has taken less than what he’s worth twice since he’s come to the Bay Area — but it’s wildly implausible.

Why? Because Durant took those two less-than-market-value deals in a concerted effort to get a supermax contract this upcoming summer.

Durant is getting paid this summer and that means there’s no room for LeBron. End of story.

But acknowledging that truth that is no fun; the headline of the Haynes article “Golden State Warriors could be in play for LeBron James” is so much more enticing than the aforementioned second paragraph of his report: “There is no indication that Golden State is evaluating such options to acquire the Cleveland Cavaliers star at this time.”

But it would be bad business to pour water all over something as hot as “LeBron to the Warriors” so the QUESTION CREATOR 3000 will keep churning out debate prompts and wild assumptions will continue to be made — many of which will then be unfairly attached to Haynes.

By the end of business Thursday, the Haynes report won’t be a well-sourced answer to a narrow hypothetical, it’ll be considered a fact that LeBron desperately wants to go the Warriors and that the Warriors are going to go all-out to get LeBron.

Neither of those things are true, though. In fact, they’re not even close to right. But let’s see if anyone actually cares.

This column isn’t a bit holier-than-thou righteous indignation — far from it. It’s not a penance for my sins, either. No, it’s a warning: I’m hoping that by letting you in on the not-so-veiled secrets of the game, you can protect yourself in the hours, days, weeks, and probably months to come.

We learned Wednesday that LeBron James wants you to believe that he could sign with the Warriors this summer. That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.

That truth was laid out to anyone who actually cared to read the report that started this whole thing.

And anyone who is trying to sell you something different than that shouldn’t be trusted.