Every Monday features a tip, activity, inspiring quote or some other tidbit that helps boost your body image, whether directly or indirectly — and hopefully kick-starts the week on a positive note! Got a tip for improving body image? Email me at mtartakovsky at gmail dot com, and I’ll be happy to feature it. I’d love to hear from you!

When we have a negative body image, we might engage in certain behaviors that we think will make us feel better. But they really don’t. Or they might. Temporarily.

For instance, we might miss social events because we don’t like how we look. This soothes us, but only momentarily. And it perpetuates the false idea that we’re only worthy of company if we look a certain way.

So over time, these behaviors actually bring us more distress and anxiety and continue the cycle of negative body image. Over time, we miss out on the meaningful things that will truly fulfill us.

According to Thomas F. Cash, Ph.D, in The Body Image Workbook: An Eight-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks, there are two kinds of “evasive actions”: running from various situations and activities because of our appearance and hiding certain features that you consider flaws with clothes, makeup or other grooming methods.

Cash breaks down these evasive actions into practices, places, people and poses that we avoid. Here are a few examples of each type of action:

Avoiding practices such as wearing clothes or colors that show your supposed flaws; avoiding physical activities that may highlight your body, such as dancing or exercising; not wanting to be photographed; avoiding activities that might mess up your appearance (something that might wash off your makeup or wet your hair); avoiding eating in front of others.

such as wearing clothes or colors that show your supposed flaws; avoiding physical activities that may highlight your body, such as dancing or exercising; not wanting to be photographed; avoiding activities that might mess up your appearance (something that might wash off your makeup or wet your hair); avoiding eating in front of others. Avoiding places where your body might be exposed such as the beach; where your appearance might be emphasized such as a formal occasion; or where your appearance might be “on display” to others such as a store.

where your body might be exposed such as the beach; where your appearance might be emphasized such as a formal occasion; or where your appearance might be “on display” to others such as a store. Avoiding people who might talk about your appearance such as someone who might make a mean comment; and avoiding people you consider to be good-looking.

who might talk about your appearance such as someone who might make a mean comment; and avoiding people you consider to be good-looking. Avoiding poses or gestures that might highlight the features you don’t like, such as not smiling because you don’t like your teeth; avoiding certain positions during intimate times with your partner so they don’t see the body parts you dislike.

Again, the behaviors we use to soothe us can actually backfire and prolong our negative body image. So it’s important to face them head-on. To do so, Cash suggests learning and practicing a few relaxation techniques (such as diaphragmatic breathing and mental imagery, where you might visualize a pleasant image like a beautiful, serene landscape) and creating a ladder of success for facing these behaviors.

Building Your Ladder

Make a list of your specific evasive actions.

Assign each action a self-efficacy rating of 0 to 100. This just means how confident you are that you can do this activity. (Cash writes that zero is “no way, never in a zillion years would I able to do that” and 100 is “I’m 100 percent certain that I can do that.”)

Now it’s time to create your ladder of success. Put the toughest actions at the top and the easiest at the bottom. You want your list to have about half of the actions under 50; when two or more actions have the same ratings, pick the tougher one, Cash says.

Facing The Evasive Actions

According to Cash, facing an action you find apprehensive involves four steps:

Prepare: Decide which action you’re going to do and when. Try to anticipate the negative things your inner critic will say and how you’ll handle it. Cash also suggests thinking of how you’ll reward yourself after taking the action. (That’s the last step.)

Decide which action you’re going to do and when. Try to anticipate the negative things your inner critic will say and how you’ll handle it. Cash also suggests thinking of how you’ll reward yourself after taking the action. (That’s the last step.) Act: “Decide how you will act. Specify the place, date, time, duration and frequency of your action,” he writes. When it comes time to act, practice your pep talk and one of the relaxation techniques (or anything else that will help you follow through, Cash says). If you’re feeling anxious, that’s totally understandable. Acknowledge and accept how you’re feeling.

“Decide how you will act. Specify the place, date, time, duration and frequency of your action,” he writes. When it comes time to act, practice your pep talk and one of the relaxation techniques (or anything else that will help you follow through, Cash says). If you’re feeling anxious, that’s totally understandable. Acknowledge and accept how you’re feeling. Cope: Think of the coping skills you’re going to use to help you through the action. Remember that you’re going to feel uncomfortable. That’s natural. As Cash says, the goal is to get through the action; not to be anxiety-free. To cope effectively and comfort yourself, you might practice deep breathing or another relaxation technique. (Here are other ideas for healthy coping strategies: alleviating anxiety; a compassionate way to feel your feelings; journaling; list of coping skills; and three coping tips from The Pocket Therapist.)

Think of the coping skills you’re going to use to help you through the action. Remember that you’re going to feel uncomfortable. That’s natural. As Cash says, the goal is to get through the action; not to be anxiety-free. To cope effectively and comfort yourself, you might practice deep breathing or another relaxation technique. (Here are other ideas for healthy coping strategies: alleviating anxiety; a compassionate way to feel your feelings; journaling; list of coping skills; and three coping tips from The Pocket Therapist.) Enjoy: Acknowledge your accomplishment and reward yourself!

What things have you been avoiding because of your body image? Do you think you’ll try this activity? Why or why not?