After Bitter Elections, American Golfers Make Up & Celebrate Their Differences

Nov 07, 2018

The US midterm elections have been an act of carnage. Divisive politics. Nazis. Racists. Caravan invasions. Rapists. Guns out. Big Jesus. Relations between friends and families have been torn.

It lacked any semblance of decency… or truth really. Sometimes it felt like it was all just spin to reflect the biases of the individual.

It’s been especially troubling for members at the Spirit Hollow Golf Course in Burlington, Iowa.

On the driving range, golfers refused to leave the course as they would like to have found it. Bunkers were not raked for the next golfer. Pitch-marks and divots were left un-repaired.

When Ed Sheenahan learned that Frank Goldsmith was not supporting his friend—and fellow Spirit Hollow golfer—Michael R. Mullins for the Iowa Court of Appeals, Mr. Sheenahan refused to be sportsmanlike and instead made an imitation bird call just as Mr. Goldsmith was teeing off, causing Mr. Goldsmith to drive the ball into the bunker. Mr. Goldsmith ended up carrying a double bogey on that 18th hole.

As retaliation, Mr. Goldsmith beat Mr. Sheenahan with his 7 iron and gouged both of his eyes out with driving tees, blinding Mr. Sheenahan for life.

Sadly, such stories became common place at the Spirit Hollow Golf Course.

Yet today, as the elections precincts near 100% reporting, golfers have decided to set aside their differences, join hands, and sing kumbaya. They then morphed into a radical empathy sharing heart circle where each attendee gathered the message that there is more that joins us together than divides us. That world peace could be here now once they turned their attention to the fact that we are all golfers... and anyone who doesn’t golf is the real enemy against our way of life. Spirit Hollow members then took a blood oath to kill all non-golfers, one by one, by stuffing golf balls down their throats and kicking them in their engorged stomachs.