Anastasia S. Kim, professor of psychology at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California, and author of "It's Time to Talk (And Listen)," speaks during an interview with The Korea Times in Seoul on Thursday. / Korea Times photo by Kang Hyun-kyung



Korean American psychologist says let them talk to end hatred



By Kang Hyun-kyung



Anger is a surface-level emotion. What's underneath it is fear and anxiety that has been held and fomenting inside people's minds for years or decades. So even a minor incident can trigger an explosion of deep-seated emotions, causing others to wonder why they have overreacted.



Korean American psychologist Anatasia S. Kim said insecurity is a common trait between radical feminists and misogynists, and it pushes them to extremes whenever they feel they are discriminated against.



Like Korea, Kim said misogynists and their clash with radical feminists ― with which Korean society is all too familiar these days ― are some of the issues many other countries are dealing with.



"This is a very typical dynamic that happens as the oppressed or subjugated voices come up, like women or minorities, as they are like 'Wait a minute. We don't like this.' And they start to speak up," Kim said during a recent Korea Times interview at its newsroom.



"It's very common for those voices to be angry. And when that happens, people who are on the privilege upside of the power, such as men, white and straight people for example in the United States, don't know and they get scared."



Kim, a professor of psychology at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, California, teamed up with fellow professor Alicia Del Prado to release their new book, titled "It's Time to Talk (And Listen)." It suggests a step-by-step approach to have a constructive conversation on thorny issues revolving around gender, race and sexuality.



When asked how to deal with the perpetuation of hatred, Kim said one should look into what's underneath extremists' radical behavior, noting there are probably generations or centuries of pent-up emotions.



"South Korea has the highest number of plastic surgery, and with a history of comfort women… women's bodies, womanhood gets commercialized and you are not treated as a person and instead you are a body part. I think that is part of the cultural value in this country," she said. "And if you have that over generations and generations, what happens is the kind of anger which is the surface level of emotion. Underneath it is years, probably centuries of hurt and pressure."



Kim said long-held fear and anxiety are some of the sources of radical action.



"In the United States, white people are saying slavery is over and why are the black people so angry?" she said, hinting that even small discriminatory micro-aggressions over a period of time could trigger those who have been oppressed for a long time to react strongly.



Although the status of women in Korea has improved remarkably, she said, gender-based discrimination still exists one way or another and tacit discrimination causes some women who have experienced cultural oppression to "overreact."



Over the past decade, South Korea has been polarized when it comes to the gender debate.



A small group of radical feminists have gained the upper hand in the feminist movement and they have tried to pit women against men. They created the website Womad ― a portmanteau of woman and nomad ― and post grueling messages and photos regarding men to rally support from other women to stand up against men and their discrimination against women.



The nation also has seen the surge of "women-haters."



The website Ilbe ― an abbreviation for Ilgan (Daily) Best ― has been serving as playground for misogynists. The misogynists upload posts and photos that show their hatred and mistreatment of women. On the website, women are portrayed as hopeless "creatures" who exist to exploit men to fulfill their sexual and materialistic desires. Some Ilbe activists demand that military service become mandatory for women and argue that quotas for women in decision-making positions in government are "reverse discrimination."



The two extremists ― misogynists and radical feminists ― have clashed, trading barbs whenever gender issues have popped up mirroring one another's tactics.



Kim said the surge of misogynists has a different dynamic.



"In the United States, a group related to gender issues that is coming up is incels," she said. Incel is a portmanteau of "involuntary" and "celibate."



"Incels are young men, in particular who are celibate and not having sex but they have a lot of aggression toward women," she said.



To avoid future clashes, Kim puts forth her constructive conversation model to help the two sides narrow their differences and build compassion toward each other.



She said her model proposes a different way of conversing regarding sensitive issues.



"If you get proximate, it says we need to get proximate," she said. "If you get close to them, if you go to school with them, if you share coffee or lunch together, after a while you will realize you are not so different. We might have different thinking or different beliefs in the way you will be able to be compassionate."



Kim said her gradual approach will help the two polarized sides find some common ground to build compassion toward each other.



She said it doesn't seek a quick fix but repeated, mutual efforts will help the two sides narrow their differences.



Born and raised in Korea until she turned eight, she went to America with her parents and three siblings. Kim attended the University of California at Berkeley for a Bachelor's degree and went on to UCLA for a doctoral degree in psychology. While teaching students at the Wright Institute, she has been focusing on Asian immigrants' mental health and child psychology.

