ABBOTSFORD, BC – Proud local couple Vincent and Christina Hull recently revealed on social media the name of their new puppy, Jessica, as well as the name of their newborn daughter, Champyonne. Friends and family have reportedly responded with forced delight.

“Creativity and originality are so important,” stated baby Champyonne’s grandmother Diane through gritted teeth. “Getting a puppy at the same time was a great choice too,” she added while veins on her forehead visibly throbbed.

Jessica, the shepherd mix, who will never need to spell her name to anybody and whose name is unlikely to even be written down more than a handful of times by anybody not already intimately acquainted with her, was named after the Shakespearean character who appears in The Merchant of Venice. Champyonne’s name was chosen because it had a funky vibe.

“Right away when I met her, I knew she was a champ,” stated Champyonne’s father, Vincent, referring to the moment of delivery. “When the doc said that it’s a girl, I knew that meant we’d have to put an ‘E’ at the end there just to make it a bit more feminine.”

“Champ is a great name for a dog,” said one friend of the couple who only glanced briefly at the social media announcement about the puppy and baby. “Oh wait. Oh Christ,” he is quoted as adding upon realizing his mistake. “Really?”

As of press time, Champyonne is expected to spend the better part of her school years going by her middle name, Purple.

Image via Deposit Photos