By Benji Elkins:





Last night, professional party goer enthusiast, John Calhoun, celebrated with an intense air guitar stint while listening to his favorite song. Though Calhoun was reported to have had a blast, onlookers were mortified when many realized he was playing all the wrong notes! One virtuoso, Donna Falmutti, reported that she could not help but glare at the ecstatic young man, unable to ignore the fact that though the song Calhoun was playing along with called for an acoustic A♯, Calhoun was distinctively strumming with his fingers in the position of a violent B minor 7. Furthermore, when the song distinctively slowed down to the pace of Allegretto, Calhoun was undoubtedly still seen strumming his air guitar in what only could be called Allegrissimo. Falmutti also stated that she was specifically in a state of repulsion when “he continued to play the imaginary guitar during the drum solo too, the drum solo!” Professor of Guitar, Dr. Maurice Ruyez, rigidly stated that “young folks in particular need to be more careful before they engage in air guitar,” making sure that know how to play correctly before beginning the craft. Dr. Ruyez recommends aspiring air guitarists learn at least a few common chords before playing in public, or taking a few classes such as his own, “Air Guitar 101 - A Beginners Guide to Shreddin’ on Air”, offered at the local community college.