All the characters were there, complete with distinctive behaviours and history. The plot designs were cemented and steeped in decades of cartoon canon. The details were there on a silver plate for the taking – So how was Michael Bay able to fail at such a simple task? We take a retrospective look at the only Transformers film that matters.

Allow me to set the scene for you : It’s Christmas 1986. I’m 5 years old. My older brother has snuck me into the local cinema, plied me with popcorn and hoisted me onto the dog-eared velvet-clad theatre seating. In those days (for us anyway), a trip to the cinema was a huge deal. I can recall with clarity that this was one of the few times I had been in a cinema before the age of 10, but this time was definitely the most important.

My brother having received a ‘Transformers’ VHS every Christmas or birthday for a few years previously had passed them down to me, and I was hooked! When I heard of the big screen release I couldn’t fathom it’s magnitude in my tiny child mind. More than that, I wasn’t even prepared for the deaths of some of my favourite characters from the series.

This was probably the most significant cinematic event in my lifetime, and more than likely the insighting incident that sent me on the path to achieving true Nerdvana!

After a gruesome battle with the Decepticons, the Autobots flee Earth. Optimus Prime is dead and the Matrix of Leadership in the hands of Galvatron (the regenerated form of Megatron) who serves the colossal planet-devouring monster known as Unicron. It’s up Hot Rod and his friends to stop this menace before it can devour their home planet of Cybertron.

The film opens with a fairly ominous introduction to the films main villain – Unicron. From there the pace is set. The soundtrack kicks the film into gear with Lion’s re-imagining of the classic cartoon theme and from there takes the viewer on an absolute roller-coaster of tempo changes.

The overall soundtrack is really what frames this film. The scenes are peppered with synth hooks and atmospheric motifs which shift into up-tempo hard rock during climactic action sequences. Vince DiCola’s scoring is flawless and adds an air of dark emotion that didn’t exist in the series version of the franchise. The Death of Optimus Prime being a particularly heavy scene of note.

This film also boasts the most diversely assembled cast of voice actors not previously assembled seen during that era of cinema :

Leonard Nimoy as Galvatron? Orson Welles as Unicron? Casey Kasem as Cliffjumper? Judd Nelson as Hot Rod? Robert Stack as Ultra Magnus? Eric Idle as Wreck-Gar?

Joined with firm favourites from the series (Peter Cullen, Frank Welker….) the voice-acting talent is not only well suited to the characters but they lend credibility to the scenes.

This is the last project completed by actor/musician Scatman Crothers (Jazz) who died in 1986 and represents the last film that Orson Welles completed before his death in 1985. The actor/director is reported to have completed his lines five days before his fatal heart attack. Despite claiming his admiration for animated films, he reportedly hated the project. Before his death, Welles told his biographer, Barbara Leaming :

“You know what I did this morning? I played the voice of a toy. I play a planet. I menace somebody called Something-or-other. Then I’m destroyed. My plan to destroy Whoever-it-is is thwarted…..”

The film went through so many rewrites and storyboard edits that much of the concept was unrecognisable to those who began it. The result was that many versions of the film now exist in various formats, despite the negatives for the wide-screen version of the film being lost or destroyed. However a cut of the film exists in The North Carolina School of the Filmmaking assembled from different reels from all the prints of the movie found in its archives. This cut of the film is said to contain the alternate cuts used in the Japanese release aswell as the theatrical release where spike says “SH*T!”. The Optimus Prime quote : “Till all are one!”, seems appropriate here.

As a fan it’s absolutely heart-breaking to see what the Transformers franchise has now become, but despite The Dark Lord(Michael Bay)’s best efforts ‘Transformers : The Movie’ will always remain the quintessential fan favourite.

If you haven’t seen this film yet then you should probably question your life choices up until this point. Fear not, everything is going to be okay.

“The most incredible rock and roll adventure ever”

“Beyond good. Beyond evil. Beyond your wildest imagination!”

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