But I’ll tell you what, as a local in Melbourne living in Collingwood who treks into the CBD almost daily, I’d much rather scoot around in the open air at 24 km/h (the scooter’s top speed) than be crammed into a tin-can free tram with a bunch of other cranky, sweaty locals stepping on my toes and jabbing me with their elbows. Loading There’s a problem, though. In Victoria, anything that goes over 10km/h must have a maximum power output of 200 watts or less, or else it’s classified as a motor vehicle. And it must be registered. And the rider must have a valid motorcycle licence. And a helmet. And you can’t ride it on the footpath. And, and, and. All of that nannying counteracts what makes these scooters a viable and convenient alternative to driving or dealing with public transportation or even biking. I buzzed all over Berlin, opting to scoot more often than take an Uber or a taxi. I covered far more ground than I would walking and never had to worry about footpath restrictions or riding in the bike path, or carrying around a helmet. Yes, there have been complaints about the scooters from residents who think they litter the city or that they pose a hazard to pedestrians. And yes, there have been accidents. To date, however, there have been only two recorded e-scooter-related deaths worldwide. And whether locals like it or not, the e-scooter is gaining ground, especially in places that aren’t overly regulated with stifling laws and restrictions.

To be fair, they have been given a trial run in Australia. Brisbane had a go, with Lime lifting the speed limit to 25km/h. Between the mid-November 2018 launch and January, there were100,000 Lime users in the city, making more than 300,000 trips. In St Kilda, another e-scooter brand, Ride, has rolled out a trial, but owing to Victoria’s strict road rules, riders travel at a maximum of 10km/h, making the ride slow and expensive, the opposite of what e-scooting is all about. A trip from St Kilda to the CBD, for example, would take up to 45 minutes and cost about $12. That’s just silly. Loading Melbourne likes to think of itself as a progressive, forward-thinking, cutting-edge, contemporary metropolis with an eco-friendly focus. In May, Melbourne City Council voted in favour of adopting a plan to cut off two blocks of Elizabeth Street to all traffic apart from trams, bikes and pedestrians in an effort to curb cars in the CBD. Urban planners want to see Melbourne follow Vienna’s example of a car-free city centre. That sounds great, Melbourne, but people will still need to get from one side of the city to the other, and with no cars or taxis, those free trams are going to get jam-packed.