There is a gaping hole – pun intended – in the English lexicon, and it has to do with that thing most commonly called a “vagina.” While a penis is the male equivalent to a vagina, there is no female equivalent for dick. Cock goes with pussy and purple headed yogurt slinger (while nobody actually says this) can hold it’s own with the "c word." But there is no female match for dick. This is a problem because you sound like an idiot talking about a vagina in casual conversation, since it’s too formal. But it’s considered overkill to call it a pussy. And just forget about using the dreaded "c word." And as for other words that people use (i.e. beaver, twat, Palin) let’s be real. If you’re not saying these words in the halls of some fraternity, you just sound like a moron. And if you are saying these words in the halls of some fraternity, then you're totally awesome, brosef. So, what is one to do? The only viable option is to create a new word. A word that is not as sterile as vagina and not as sleazy as pussy, a word that flies off the tip of your tongue, like dick. But the task of coming up with the word is not as easy as you might think. I mean, just try to come up with some right now.

What did you think up? I just came up with dank hole, her madam, and thwackbox. Truth be told, I am not particularly thrilled with any of these. Maybe a name is the way to go? Dick is a name, so what about calling it a Charlene, or a Debbie Reynolds, or an Olga? Maybe a Thatcher. That sounds good. A Thatcher? Any takers? Okay. So I have no idea what the word should be. But I know there is someone out there who does. So, if you have any suggestions, for the love of God, please post them below. Seriously. The sooner, the better, ‘cause there’s something I really want to tell my girlfriend about her thwackbox, and I only get one chance.