Yes, I had 30 lbs of cucumbers. It’s a bit of a long story that involves a dinner party, a large shoulder bag, two sore shoulders, and ends with a lot of pickles. Somewhere between the sore shoulders and the pickles, however, there was sushi.

Friend: “Hey I’ve got three giant crates of cucumbers, and I’m leaving town tomorrow. Anyone want to take them off my hands?”

Me: “Of course.” Does it matter that my friend lives 45 minutes from my house and all I have is a single large bag in which to carry them?

Clearly not.

The plan was to turn them into pickles but first I figured I’d make some sushi since pickle-making requires energy that only dense, carb-rich sushi could provide. Except I didn’t have any sashimi-grade fish kicking around. Instead, what I had was cucumbers.

Ingredients:

2 cups sushi rice (sushi rice is a short-grain rice that turns sticky when you cook it. You can find it at most grocery stores and all Asian specialty grocers)

1 three-inch square piece of kombu (green, thick dried kelp also available at most grocery stores)

2 cups cold water

1/4 cup plus 1 tbsp unseasoned rice vinegar

1 tbsp sugar

1 1/2 tsp salt

6 Lebanese (or English or Japanese) cucumbers, trimmed and cut into 1/2″ x 1/2″ x 6″ matchsticks (or however you want. You can peel and seed them if you like but that’s a lot of cucumber going to waste)

1 package nori sushi wrappers

Wasabi powder (mixed with a few drops of water and let stand 5 minutes until solid) or paste.

Sushi soy sauce or tamari (sushi soy sauce is a lighter soy than, say, most Chinese cooking soy sauces or other Japanese soy sauces)

Directions:

1. Soak 2 cups of sushi rice in cold water. Carefully swirl it around with your hand until the rice is cloudy. Drain it (I drain it in the saucepan in which I plan to cook the rice, and use a little fine-mesh sieve to catch any escaping grains), and soak it again in more cold water. Swirl, drain, soak. Repeat at least 3 times or until the rice water is clear. You should do this with most polished white rices to remove the starch (Basmati, Jasmine, and any long-grain whites that aren’t in a little sterile plastic American package).

2. Add 2 cups cold water to the drained rice

3. LET IT SIT FOR 30 MINUTES (but only if you have the time. It’s supposed to make the rice fluffier but you probably won’t notice unless you’re a sushi rice expert)

4. Add the square piece of kombu to the soaked rice, cover it, and set it over medium heat (or in a rice cooker. Oh I wish I had a rice cooker). You can also add a tbsp or two of sake if you happen to have any. Personally I seem to always be out…

5. Bring the rice to a boil over medium heat. When it simmers, cover it, and reduce the heat to low for 15 minutes

6. Now cut your cucumbers into matchsticks. Purists will remove the skin and seeds and make the sticks exactly the same thickness. I say chop them however you like as long as you’re okay with slightly un-spherical sushi (maki) pieces.

The Fancy (proper) Way: Now reduce the heat to its lowest point for 5 minutes. Turn up the heat for 7 seconds (wait, are we back in India??). Turn off the heat, remove from the burner, and let it sit, covered, for 15 minutes.



The Easy Way: Reduce the heat to its lowest point for 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

After the 15 minutes (or immediately if you, like me, have more important things to do with those 15 minutes plus 7 seconds of your life) and gently release the entire mould of rice from the saucepan into a large flat dish (traditional) or leave it in the pot (keeps you sane). Mix together the 1/4 cup rice vinegar, sugar and salt, and slow drizzle over the rice. Stir the rice gently (presumably with a wooden rice paddle while fanning with your other hand the hand of a sushi assistant. Who has one of those?) until all the vinegar dressing has been distributed evenly.

Then cover it with damp towels until you’re ready to roll your sushi.

Now take a little bowl, add the remaining tbsp of rice vinegar and 4 tbsp of water. Dip your fingertips in the mixture and then tap them on a dry towel. This mixture will keep the rice from sticking to your hands, so dip your fingers every time they get sticky.

Roll like this:

Take a piece of nori , place it on a sushi roller (or not) and spread 1 cup of prepared rice 3/4 of the way up the nori.



Spread it thin and all the way to the ends or the end pieces of your rolls will be rice-less.

1/3 of the way up the nori place 2 to 6 strips of cucumber lengthwise (depending on how thick you want your rolls. It will be easier to close thinner rolls)



Put your thumbs under the bamboo roller and use your other fingers to hold the cucumber pieces in place. Roll from the bottom of the bamboo up, until the bamboo reaches over and touches the nori or rice (It will touch the nori if you used lots of fillings and will touch the rice if you didn’t. Then hold the roll in place and tug the upper end of the bamboo roller in the middle, the left, and the right to tighten up the sushi roll. Carefully unfold the bamboo roller (just the roller, not the sushi roll), pull the partially-rolled sushi roll back to the edge of the roller, and put your thumbs back underneath with your fingers wrapped around the top of the half-wrapped roll. Repeat the rolling process again, lifting the roller over until it touches down on the other side of the roll. Pull firmly in the middle, the left and the right on the upper part of the bamboo roller while you hold the sushi roll and bottom of the roller in place. Unroll the bamboo, place the sushi roll on a cutting board and slice into 8 pieces.

A trick here is the coat the knife in vinegar water (just a little so the roll doesn’t get soggy) and don’t saw the roll when you cut. Cut once in the middle of the roll, then cut those two pieces in half. Then cut those piece in half, so you have 8 pieces. Or stick with 6 pieces since that’s easier and potentially less messy if your knife isn’t very sharp.

Serve with a little dish of soy sauce and a dollop of wasabi (either mixed in or not), and optionally some pickled ginger (but please not the over-sugared, artificially-coloured pink stuff!).

Variation on a theme: Cucumber and Bell Pepper Sushi:

Leftover sushi rice freezes better than it refrigerates, so freeze it in 2 cup portions – perfect for two rolls of eight pieces each.