Given that motivation is so central to our lives, what do we really know about it? What do we truly understand about how it operates and about its role in our lives? The assumption is that it’s driven by a positive, external reward. Do this, get that. But the story is much more intricate and complex.

One of the most striking aspects of motivation is that it often drives us to achievements that are difficult, challenging and even painful. You may think that you would be happy to spend all your time sitting on a white-sand beach drinking mojitos (feel free to replace with a different activity of your choice) and that as long as you get to fill your days this way, you would be happy forever. But while a few days of hedonistic bliss might be fun from time to time, I can’t imagine that you would be fulfilled by spending your days, weeks, months, years and even your life this way.

You wouldn’t be fulfilled spending your life in hedonistic bliss

Research that examines the differences between meaning and happiness finds that the things that give us a sense of meaning don’t necessarily make us happy. Moreover, people who report having meaningful lives are often more interested in doing things for others, while those who focus mostly on doing things for themselves report being only superficially happy. Of course, “meaning” is a slippery concept, but its essential quality has to do with having a sense of purpose, value and impact – of being involved in something bigger than the self.

Friedrich Nietzsche argued that life’s greatest rewards spring from our experience of adversity. We all know people who garner a great sense of meaning even in the most unpleasant of circumstances. A friend of mine who works as a hospice volunteer, for example, has spent years in companionship with people as they go through their last steps in life. “It’s the other end of birth,” she says, “and I feel lucky to help them go through that door.”

Other volunteers clean smelly, sticky stuff off oil-soaked birds following a spill. Many people spend portions of their lives working in dangerous, war-torn areas trying to keep disease and death from innocent civilians or teaching orphans to read. Their pain is real; their sense of doing something truly meaningful is substantial. They demonstrate how our ingrained desire to believe that our lives have purpose beyond our lifespan drives us to work extra hard, even to the point of our own personal suffering, in order to gain more meaning.

The point is that these seemingly odd and irrational motivations get us to do things that are complex, difficult and unpleasant. But they go beyond helping people in need. They motivate us in every aspect of our lives – whether in our personal relationships, in our individual pursuits or in the workplace.

This is because human motivation is actually based on a time scale that is long, sometimes even longer than our lifetimes. We’re motivated by meaning and connection because their effects extend beyond ourselves, beyond our social circle and maybe even beyond our existence.

We care deeply about meaning, we care about it more as we become aware of our own mortality – and if we have to go to hell and back in the search for meaning and connection, we will, and we will get deep satisfaction along the way.

Dan Ariely’s Payoff: The Hidden Logic that Shapes Our Motivations is published by Ted Books at £8.99. To order a copy for £7.37, go to bookshop.theguardian.com