Reporters have discovered that a group of wealthy individuals based in Switzerland are arranging to race men from ethnic minorities against each other for their amusement and entertainment this summer. These powerful individuals are arranging to meet in a venue in East London for two weeks which will culminate in eight black men being pitted against each other to see which of them can run the fastest.

Seemingly above the law it is believed that the syndicate who have given themselves the moniker of ‘The IOC’ have been planning this event for some time and some of the leading figures of this shadowy organisation are in fact based in London. Their influence is believed to reach deep into Whitehall, with some suggesting that they have the approval of the Prime Minister himself, whilst the person charged with organising the event is a peer of the realm.

The competitors, as they are labelled, will be flown in from around the world in some cases to run as little as 100 metres before being sent home again. These though, are the lucky ones; their ordeal will be over quickly unlike those being sent from Kenya who will be taken from their homeland and required to race for 26 miles through the strange unfamiliar streets of London. Chosen apparently for their lean build they will stand in stark contrast to the bloated elite for whom they are performing.

Despite the vast wealth of those organising this sordid event, the participants will receive absolutely no payment. In fact it is a proud boast of The IOC that nobody who takes part in what they call ‘the games’ will receive anything for their efforts other than a decorative bit of metal that will be dangled from the necks of the fastest three.

When the evidence of what was being planned was put to a Mary Edwards, a director of charity campaign group Action Against Poverty, she was appalled. ‘They are exploiting these people who come from countries with very little and treating them as though they were race horses. If what I have seen here is true then it must be stopped, it harks back to the barbaric practices of the Roman empire when the wealthy would pit their gladiators against each other. This is simply awful and I cannot believe that they can get away with organising something like this in 21st Century Britain.’

As is often the case with victims of abuse like this, the pattern repeats itself and the victim becomes the abuser. The Lord responsible for organising this event was himself a former victim of the IOC, running round and round in circles to the point of exhaustion in front of a baying crowd, something he now claims was a ‘wonderful experience’. Confronted by reporters at his London office he brushed off the evidence put before him as ‘absolute nonsense and a twisting of the facts’ trying to claim that the money bought in to the capital by his rich friends in some way justified the event. Someone within the IOC is clearly able to pull strings high up at Scotland Yard as the police quickly arrived to escort reporters from the building before they could ask any more questions.

In the sickest twist of all it seems that racing people from impoverished third world countries doesn’t provide enough kicks for these men of the IOC. Incredibly they are arranging to reconvene two weeks after their original event to pit disabled people against each other.

A Wagonload of Monkeys (hat-tip for headline to VCG)