Former undisputed heavyweight boxing champion of the world Mike Tyson is said to be ‘feeling fine’ after undergoing successful gender reassignment surgery at a clinic near Beverley Hills. Once known as ‘The Baddest Man on the Planet’, the Brooklyn-born boxer told reporters that having his first menstrual cycle ‘would be a dream come true’, and that from now on he would be known as Michelle.

‘Some people might think it strange that I’m now a woman,’ said former rapist Tyson, who underwent complete facial feminization, orbital bone contouring and nasal surgery in an operation lasting over 16 hours. ‘But even at the height of my career, when pound for pound I was regarded as the best fighter in the world, I never lost touch with my feminine side and knew that one day I would grow breasts and have a vagina.’

Iron Mike – or Iron Maiden as he now likes to be called – was given the all-clear for gender reassignment surgery following a successful course in hormone replacement therapy which, in his autobiography, the boxer blamed for his 1996 defeat at the hands of Evander Holyfield. Although at the time Tyson insisted he was fit enough to carry on with the fight, referee Mitch Halpern stopped the bout in the 11th round saying Tyson looked flushed, was sweating profusely and appeared to be lactating heavily from his left breast.

Tyson, wearing a blonde wig and looking relaxed in blue jeans and a Vanessa Bruno T-shirt, today said he hoped having a clitoris would finally convince the American people that his ‘bad-boy’ days were over and he had turned over a new leaf. ‘I’m even keeping my surgically removed penis in a jar by my bedside to remind me what those sick perverts did to us pretty boys in prison.’

Although boxing commentators were initially stunned by Tyson’s revelation, many have admitted the signs were there. ‘In hindsight, he had shown a fondness for dressing up in gloves, long leather boots and silk gowns, and he always had a really close interest in earrings.’

Uncle Bertie

30th November 2012

