Today, for the first time in almost 17 years, I am not a full-time employee. This was not my choice, nor would it ever have been my choice as the father of three children who look to me for security, healthcare, clothing, nutrition, and the myriad other essentials they both need and deserve.

Was the layoff something I saw coming? Yes, and no. The department and location I was working in had experienced many layoffs over the previous 18 months. But, it looked as though the rough seas had calmed, and life was finally about to go on as normal.

So last Wednesday, when my manager walked into my office and, whilst barely looking me in the eyes, told me his boss wanted to see me on the fifth floor…well, I knew what was coming.

I’m not going to go into the details, but I will say this. If you’ve never experienced a layoff before, it’s a gut-punch like no other. After all the years of hard work, dedication, and devotion to the brand, you are told, “it’s not you, it’s not your performance, it’s just the way it is.”

You want more than that.

Why me? Why am I more expendable than anyone else?

Trust me, you will go insane trying to figure that one out, and during the first 24 hours, I almost did. Was this personal? Was this some kind of scheme? Did I say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and now this was the blowback?

No. When it comes down to it, I was a just a number on a spreadsheet. And removing my number from that spreadsheet, complete with the benefits and salary I received, made the accountants very happy. That’s life in corporate America. Millions of other loyal, hard-working employees have gone through the same thing over the years at hundreds of other companies, and more will continue to be laid off in the future.

What has followed over the last 12 days has been a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts that I’m sharing here in the hope that if it has happened to you, there may be some comfort in knowing that what you’re going through is normal, understandable, and if you’re in the kind of situation I’m in, a bit terrifying. BUT, after 12 days, I am in a very different place, and maybe if you read my journey, you’ll get there a little sooner. And let’s face it, it’s also cathartic. If no-one ever reads this, at least I put it down and exorcised the demons.

One: The First 48 Hours are Hell

Anyone who says it feels liberating, or that they really do feel great, is either lying or never relied on the money and benefits to begin with. This is America. If you don’t have healthcare through an employer, you don’t really have healthcare. The ACA plans are horrendous, and the current administration’s plans to derail them have made the situation much worse. They are simply very expensive catastrophic plans. Basically, “you’d better get this in case you get sick and lose your house.” In London, a job loss was just that. Here, in Uncle Sam, it’s a fight for survival. It’s strange to think that the reason you’re scared of getting sick is not that you might die, but that you might live through it and be destitute.

You are not going to sleep the first few nights. You may drink until you black out, but that doesn’t really count. You are going to feel nauseous. You may have a crippling panic attack or two (I had one that lasted three hours, and the adrenaline surge left me exhausted). This will pass. It won’t be replaced by normalcy; that is not coming any time soon. But at least you can start getting a few hours’ sleep going forward.

Two: Get Ready for Every Emotion

Anger. That’s a huge one. Bitterness. Guilt (how could I let my children down like this?) Resentment. Hostility. Apathy. Hopelessness. You will go through more emotional states in one week than you’ve done in a whole year. This, again, is normal.

You were just thrown off a ship you were expecting to be on until you, yourself, decided to leave at a favorable port. Instead, you’re drowning, and if you’re lucky, you’ll be thrown a life raft of some severance and some extended healthcare. I was lucky enough to get a few months to breathe. Some people don’t even get that. But, that life raft is not forever. It’s deflating, and it will not support you for long.

Three: Only You and Your Family Are Going Through This

Once you leave the company, you’re gone. History. People aren’t going to be sat around thinking of ways to help you out. They aren’t going to be reminiscing about the good times. For them, life goes on, and you’re very quickly a distant memory. They avoided the layoff, they can breathe easy, and they’re looking forward to a few more years in the sun. They may even be out there celebrating their escape. Sure, they may spare you a thought now and again. They may even write you an email, or send you a quick text. But you’re an afterthought.

This is all on you now, and the sooner you face up to that, the better. No-one is spending hours trying to find you a new position. You aren’t top of mind. You are never going to get a call saying “man, we made a huge mistake, come back.” You’ve been flushed, and you have to take control and figure out a plan of action…and fast.

Four: Most Advice You Get Will Make You Want to Scream

Let me think of some real cherries I’ve heard recently:

“This could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“Something great will come along, you’ll see.”

“Honestly, any company will be lucky to have you.”

“This will all work out for the best.”

“Hey, you’re free! Enjoy yourself and take some time to relax.”

It’s ironic that many of the phrases you hear will come from the same people that were sweating bullets at the thought of being laid-off themselves. Now they have avoided the axe, they suddenly predict a bright and rosy future.

That’s to be expected. What else are they going to say? “Oh dude…you’re screwed. I’m glad I’m not in your shoes, it’s horrible out there.” Anyone who says what they’re really thinking would come across as a massive horse’s ass. But that doesn’t make it any easier to hear the hollow advice.

I’ve had people say “I survived it, you can too.” Well, sure. But you were an SVP and got a massive golden parachute, and your wife has a great job. Not exactly apples to apples. You got to take a breather, focus, and had to eat out fewer times a week. For me, it’s find some income fast or I lose the house.

In the end, the only thing you can do is smile, say thanks, and hope that it actually does all work out great. However, bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. This is not Hollywood, and sometimes life kinda sucks. All you can do is try to create your own luck, and jump on every single opportunity. The fish are out there, but you have to cast a wide net.

Five: Desperation is a Rotten Motivator

My oldest child asked me “have you found another job yet daddy?” I was only officially let go on Friday, despite being away from the office a full week earlier. Admittedly she’s 13 and doesn’t know the reality of job hunting. It took some of my peers who were laid off over a year to find a genuine replacement. But it doesn’t stop you, as a parent, feeling incredible guilt, failure, and the desperation to replace that income and those benefits as soon as possible.

You will spend hours and hours looking through job boards. You will apply for jobs that a year ago you’d have laughed away. The old adage is true - beggars can’t be choosers - and with only a few months until things get serious, is a soul-sucking job better than no job at all? This is going to make you question your own abilities and your own self-worth as an employee. Fight through it, and don’t jump into a job that you’d despise unless you really are looking into the abyss.

Six: Surround Yourself with Positive People

I can’t claim this as my advice. A great creative, Pat (you know who you are sir) gave me one of the most incredible pep talks I’ve ever had. I realized that when you’re down, the last thing you need to do is speak to people who will keep you there. Find the people who are genuine optimists. Talk to the natural cheerleaders. Build yourself up.

Remember, you are now looking for a new role, and you need to be the best you can be. Would you hire someone with no will to live and a dark cloud hanging over their head? You want to be seen to be a fighter. It made me look back on another pivotal point in my career. The first one actually.

When I was 19, I came top of my class in art & design college. Nailed it. No problem for me to get into the course of my choosing, or so I thought. I had three choices for university, and my first choice rejected me. I wasn’t radical enough for them. The second choice said they only had positions available in a different specialty. The third choice said they were full.

That was it. I could not go to university that year.

Well, after a period of mourning, a few days at most, I refused to accept it. I talked to my college professors, and they got on the phone with the third choice and pleaded for them to see me.

I went in determined. I had nothing to lose, so I gave every answer I thought was correct, not what I thought they wanted to hear. As I was leaving the interview room, they told me I was in. And as it turns out, I had three of the best years of my life at that university, and made some incredible friends. Dig your heels in. Don’t accept that it’s over.

Seven: Network Like Crazy

Like I said earlier, no-one is going to hand you a job. You have to get out there and give it your all. I got my first job in an ad agency in London by writing (by hand) over 100 letters to every agency I could think of. It took weeks. I had writer’s cramp, but I didn’t want to send the same old photocopied letter everyone else was writing. I got seven replies. I got three interviews. I got my first job. It paired me with an art director who is one of the brightest creatives I’ve ever met (thanks Matt), and with some other wonderful people that have superb careers.

You may feel like it’s not working. God knows, after a week of emails, texts, calls, and messages on LinkedIn, it feels like the wheels are spinning in the mud. But persistence is everything.

So, that’s it. That’s where I stand.

If you just got laid off, I feel your pain. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, because I really don’t. Everyone is different. Every situation is unique. But know that you are going to have bad days (and really bad days) and you’ll get through them. That twisted feeling in your gut is there to stay I’m afraid. You will forget about it for a while, but the looming deadline of financial responsibility will be there until you are genuinely back on your feet. Do your best to ignore it, or even harness it, and never give up looking, working, hustling, and reaching out.

Here’s to a successful job hunt…for all of us.

Image via PixaBay



