I woke up this morning, a full ten minutes ahead of my usual schedule, only to go down to the parking lot and discover that I had a flat tire. My morning commute started with a nerve-wracking prologue of driving to the nearest gas station with an air pump, praying to numerous deities that my tire would not dissolve into a slag heap of rubber and sparks. I begged the cashier for a cash-return in quarters (God bless you, middle-aged gas station clerk for taking pity on me) and waited for the tire-saving air to rush into the rubber balloon. My car lurched a full inch or two as the tire refilled. During my lunch break, I rushed out to my car to check on my tire like an anxious parent checking on a newborn, ensuring that it was still filled with air. At night, I checked on the tire again to ensure that it was still firm and capable of getting me to the discount tire place the next day. All toll, this little adventure will cost me between $100 – 150 and numerous minutes erased from my life expectancy due to stress.

Thank you Henry Ford and thank you President Eisenhower for turning America into an entirely car-dependent nation.

On my apartment deck, two derelict bikes lay against the brick siding. They aren’t in terrible shape, graciously-accepted hand-me-downs from my godfather. The tires could stand to be replaced, they need a little cosmetic work and maybe some transmission tune-ups. In short, these bikes could be like-new after an hour of YouTube tutorials, $50 of gear and an hour or two of sweat equity. They would be good to go for an absurd number of years after this investment along with minor upgrades to brakes, tires and so forth. The one major problem? I can’t go anywhere with them.

My wife could theoretically take a bike to work and I suppose I could as well: if she left 30 minutes before her start time and if I left an hour before my start time, we could make it. Considering the cost of owning and maintaining a car, it is tempting. If I had a little more willpower I would certainly attempt it. Oh, and designated bike paths that are treated and maintained like roads would be a huge bonus. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of biking to work, but I’m also a lazy bastard that wants to get as many minutes in bed as possible. So, sue me. Also, it’s Michigan. We have an idiotic car culture because of a bankrupt and dying city and that idiocy has translated to ensuring that sidewalks and bike paths are coated in ice whereas highways are made salty enough to kill even the hardiest of microbial life. This means that walking or biking to work is an admirable, if challenging goal. That is to say nothing of transporting a child to school then transporting yourself to work.

The simple, yet “expensive” (meaning: some rich people wouldn’t be rich anymore) solution, would be to ensure that sidewalks and bike paths are maintained year-round and ensuring that people’s places of work are within walking or biking distance. Of course, that would require central planning for: housing, education, employment, food, healthcare, etc. etc. and that would be downright communism. Oh the horror! Oh the humanity! What about the gas stations?! What about the overdone hot dogs rolling round and round under their heat lamps?! What about sitting in a traffic jam listening to tepid jokes and 40-year old rock songs?! I want, I need to spend thousands of dollars on vehicular upkeep to feel free! Don’t you see? I got an awkward handjob in the back of a used car, and dammit I need to recapture that feeling forever! My car once represented a bedroom on wheels, total freedom and I need that freedom again otherwise the Soviets win! What’s that? The Soviet Union has been dead since ’91? Never mind, if having a gas-guzzling, money-shredding sedan gives me peace-of-mind then so be it.

Even if you don’t believe in climate collapse (and…why not?), you can at least understand that owning and operating a car is tedious, at best. No one likes to pay for gas, or for maintenance, or for the routine repairs that come with owning a car. Some people enjoy the challenge of dealing with their car, and I suppose everyone needs a hobby, but most people see their car as a means of getting from Point A to Point B. I do, that’s for sure. Perhaps mass transit is still a pipe-dream for most of Middle America, and I know that a complete reorganization of urban planning is a long ways off, but maybe, just maybe could we embrace bike culture and make it a little cheaper and easier to get around? At least salt the bike paths. Please.