CAVERNOUS STORYBOOK: A VERY SPECIAL MIMIGA MILITARY ACTION SUPER VIDEO GAME PREQUEL ISLAND SHOWDOWN THRILLER NOVEL

CHAPTER 1: JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED

For many years now, there has been an often frequently retold legend of the now world-famous humanoid robot known as Quote, what with his daring exploits and his equally daring outfit.

No one wore a black tank top, red jeans and a red cap quite like Quote did. With the help of his beautiful female counterpart known as Curly Brace, he saved an entire floating sky island full of innocent, fluffy little humanoid lop-eared rabbit creatures known as the Mimiga from certain doom and eventual destruction.

However, that is not what this story is about. It is about what happened right before that adventure started. Although all too many Cave Story fan-fictions in the past have already done this exact same narration, this one is a prequel like no other.

One day in Mimiga Village, deep within the very same floating island that I mentioned before, war had been breaking out for quite some time. All of the Mimiga there were racking their brains trying to think of a new strategy that wouldn't get them all killed.

Honestly, the stuff they had to work with was pretty limited. I mean, they had King, a purple-cloaked, orange-eyed, short-tempered ninja swordsman who was considerably more bark than he was bite and used his fighting skills mainly to protect his ridiculously cute little sister Toroko.

And then there was King's twin brother Jack, a green-jacketed, Russian-hatted, comically bespectacled dork-a-saurus rex who had a disturbingly remarkable amount of experience in the art of war despite being one of the weirdest and most socially inept people you could ever hope to meet.

And then of course there was Mahin, a fat, ugly, green-jacketed loser who had pretty much never taken a bath or showered in his entire life and basically held that as his claim to fame, much to everyone else's chagrin (not to mention unconsciousness from how awful he smelled). More importantly, he was also a dirty coward who was considerably more manipulative than he appeared. Although he was Jack's best friend, he would still sell Jack out for a dollar any day.

Next up, we have Toroko, a beautifully chubby, permanently blushing, green-skirted little baby bunny girl sweetie-pie who pretty much existed for the sole purpose of being just that and nothing else. Her mouth often produced more adorable little squeaky noises than it did words, and one of her favorite things to do was to literally just curl up into a smiling, giggly fur ball and bounce up and down. Needless to say, she was by far the cutest of our five main characters.

Last but not least, there was also Chako, an incredibly voluptuous, purple-furred, red-lipsticked, blue-skirted woman who used her own massive whoredom to her advantage. No one quite knew whether or not to respect her for this, but it sure was delicious eye candy to watch. The red ribbon in her hair certainly helped too.

Add to that the fact that Sandaime was an ambiguously drug-producing farmer and Kanpachi was an obsessively dedicated fisherman who spent months upon weeks upon days trying to catch a stupid fish with Jay Leno's chin on it, and that's pretty much all you need to know about the Mimigas for now.

Now, with all of those boring obligatory character descriptions out of the way, it is now time to begin the actual story. Roll the tapes!

In the throne room way up on the marble balcony atop the floating island, our story began with the two main villains sitting together at a stone table, discussing their plot to take over society. They were a lab-coated, bespectacled, green-haired man known as the Doctor and a mysterious, dark-blue-cloaked, blue-haired witch known as Misery.

The former had a mysterious, cubical dark blue crown with a single, bleeding red eyeball resting atop his head; said crown was known only as the Demon Crown, and for reasons that will become progressively more obvious as this story unfolds.

"So...have you found anything of note, my beloved apprentice?" the Doctor asked Misery smugly, taking a sip of his last remaining glass of tea as Misery finished hers.

"Yes, master." Misery replied. "I have confirmed that the mysterious robotic soldier from the surface is now on our side, sir."

"You mean that kid who dresses as a Pokémon trainer? What harm could he possibly cause to the Mimiga?" the Doctor laughed. "If anything, we should be looking upon him with an attitude of extreme derision!"

"Do not underestimate the power of awkwardly and flamboyantly dressed Japanese super-beings, my lord." Misery warned him. "The man already has numerous built-in weapons and abilities at his disposal as we speak; luckily, he hasn't suffered from amnesia and therefore forgotten about said powers just yet."

"Ah yes, the tried-and-true amnesia cliché..." the Doctor groaned, sighing. "At this point, I would daresay it's even more old and tired than my great-great grandfather, and he's dead! Speaking of which...by the time our work here is done, I had better see every single Mimiga on this island brought straight to my plantation by any means necessary, dead or alive."

"Y-Yes, sir!" Misery stammered. "I promise I won't let you down!"

"That's what you said when you stayed up all night on your iPad the other night and forgot how to teleport." the Doctor reminded her, folding his arms behind him and rolling his eyes.

"Oh yeah, that..." Misery laughed. "Hey, come on, I was just trying to figure out how to get the stupid worthless thing to make cheese! Cut me a break, would you?"

"We can no longer afford breaks, my dear friend." the Doctor explained, turning his back to her and gazing out at the beautiful pink sunset on the distant horizon. "We have only one or two days left, you see. And if our time runs out, EvilCorp is going to fire us! Do you even realize yet what that could mean for us, you pathetic imbecile?"

"Um...we get to stop doing this and move on to something less one-dimensionally pure evil and sadistic?" Misery asked, shrugging her shoulders.

"NO, you fool!" the Doctor raised his voice at her, slamming his fist on the table and gritting his teeth. "It means that the two of us will have no choice but to mindlessly follow the Demon Crown's orders until the day I die! And at that point, we'll pretty much just be doing it for excrement and laughter! Do you understand how serious this is?"

"YES!" Misery squealed with terror. "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

"If you don't at least make a solid effort to fulfill your main purpose in this mission, then that is exactly what I shall do!" the Doctor laughed.

"No need to worry, Doc!" Misery informed him. "Our Shovel Brigade army of Mimiga is already being force-fed a whole bunch of red flowers!"

"And?" the Doctor asked her quizzically, cocking one of his eyebrows.

"I've already sent them on a mission to capture Mimiga Village by storm and crush all of the weak and pathetic naysayers who oppose them! We will be feasting on sweet, sweet victory before we even know it!" Misery laughed.

"GWAHAHAHAHA!" the two of them laughed maniacally in terrifyingly boldened italic font, their chortles echoing into the night. "Hey, before we continue laughing, could you please spare me an ice-cold martini with an olive for added evil effect?" the Doctor whispered in Misery's ear.

The Doctor drank his martini and then burped loudly into the night, causing the two of them to continue laughing like despicable douchebags. "Hey, would you please SHUT THE HELL UP for heaven's sake?! I'm trying to SLEEP in here!" God yelled at them.

"This is getting really awkward..." Misery muttered to herself. "I swear to Christ, the Doctor doesn't even pay me enough for this shit!"

"What was that?" the Doctor swung around and asked her, leaning toward her intimidatingly.

"Oh, it was nothing, sir!" Misery laughed nervously.