I do not want my sons to be in the “boys will be boys” category, so here are some strategies that my husband and I are implementing (and hopefully will make a lasting impression): As a middle school teacher and a mother of 2 boys (ages 4 and 6), I’ve read countless books and articles about stereotypical gender differences, especially at the start of school age: girls = self-reliant, boys = destructive.I do not want my sons to be in the “boys will be boys” category, so here are some strategies that my husband and I are implementing (and hopefully will make a lasting impression):

1. Practicing conversations without the use of negative words (stupid, dumb, idiot…). Media bombards us all with these simple, yet oppressive words that could lead to name-calling and negative thoughts, stereotypes, prejudices. These words are banned from their mouths and ears right when they hear it. We even created a game where if they hear a word they know we don't like, change it into a "better" word. Example: "shut up and drive" song turns into "step up and drive." A little cheesy, but positive.



“Please” and “thank you” are enforced. When requests are made, they are constantly reminded to be polite with the situation in mind. When they get older and encounter a wider variety of situations that I might not be at, I’ll ask them to “Code Switch,” a term that means appropriately switch the way you address people depending on where/who you’re with. The tone of voice is also emphasized. Even at sports games, the boys don’t “boo” the other team, but just cheer for their team.



“Ha-ha! I got it first!” Our reply, “Is that the right way to say that you’re happy about something?”





2. Role-playing situations where children could get frustrated. When Jesse was 2, his tantrums were unbearable. When he wanted something, he would automatically scream and yell and stomp his feet. Two things worked: CALMLY redirecting him to something else, or CALMLY waiting it out and reminding him of the “right way to act when you get mad: calm down, walk away, use your words.” Before we go to places where the kids might get different reactions from people, we remind them of 3 rules: no spitting, no naughty words, no hurting people.

