CALIFORNIA – After months of just news about the corona virus we finally get something else to read. Apple announced that they are releasing a new phone, the iPhone SE. The new phone has got a lot of new features but one of the most notable one is that they can’t be charged. “This is a great new feature that will make me earn a tremendous amount of money” says the already filthy rich CEO of Apple. The new phone will cost 399 dollars and is aimed to be sold to the people that can’t afford the other iPhones. “When we were gonna design a new phone an associate of mine suggested we create a phone that many people can afford. Our other phones are aimed at people who are either filthy rich like me or are willing to sell an organ or two to be able to afford it. I thought that it was a great idea to make a phone for everyone but then it hit me, isn’t that too good? That’s when I got the idea that we will make the phone non-rechargable and just for single use. This gives the customer a two hour use of the phone. ” he stated at the announcement with a big grin.

Another entirely new feature is the self destruction which Cook also revealed at the announcement. “My favorite feature has to be the self destruction of the phone when the battery is drained, desolating everything within a five feet radius. I am not gonna lie, I was jealous of Samsungs self destruction mode they implemented some years ago. So my advice is to not keep the phone in your pocket when you see that the battery is getting close to 0%. Or you could, if you want, but I have warned you”. he stated.

But it doesn’t end there, Mr Cook sees many opportunities with the new phone. “I think I can manage to sell it to the military too, further increasing my wealth. Imagine throwing an iPhone at the talibans, they pick it up to try to unlock it, and boom, an explosion, fatality, you could probably kill at least three people in the explosion. Or you could ask someone you don’t like to look at a photo on your phone, and boom, the person is gone”. he ended the announcement with.