HINSDALE, IL—Saying the money was already burning a hole in his pocket, lottery ticket holder Frank Cantrell confirmed Thursday that he had preemptively spent $900 million in anticipation of winning the Mega Millions jackpot. “Maybe I got ahead of myself with the yacht and helicopter purchases, but after this weekend I’m never gonna have to worry about money ever again, so I went on a little pre-jackpot spending spree,” said Cantrell as he directed his recently hired butler to handle the movers, landscapers, and contractors busy outfitting his brand-new mansion with luxury furnishings and top-of-the-line appliances. “I bought 10,000 bottles of Dom Pérignon and 500 pounds of beluga caviar for the viewing party Saturday so we can celebrate while they call out my winning numbers. I’ll probably throw a few more ragers when I officially collect the check, but after that I’ll get serious about curbing my spending. Maybe I’ll invest in my friends’ business ventures or donate a few grand to charity. Now that I’m practically a billionaire, it’s only right that I give back to my community.” At press time, Cantrell was meeting with a divorce lawyer to ensure his soon-to-be ex-wife couldn’t stake a claim on his prize money.

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