When there is a market opportunity, startups cannot be far behind. With the growing number of self-important writers, film-makers and now scientists returning their awards several FIITians have jumped into the fray with e-Award Wapasi services.

Among the early contenders has been AwardWapsi.space, which provides an easy web-based form to make it easy for buddhijivi’s to return their award efficiently with a drop-down form.

Planned enhancements include easy home pickup and a form-letter with a listing of pre-packaged incidents around the country that can be added as reasons for the award return. Also included will be total award return calculators that will figure out the compounded value of the award in current Rupee terms.

Surajeet Velawallah, Chief Returning Officer of LAVA, short for LaJawab Vapis Award hopes to do one better. “We have a real-time feed of crimes across the country. These can be filtered easily based on religion and caste and matched to the Award Returners preferences for the returning cover letter. But that is just a preview of what we are building.”

“We will have a intelligent semantic network capable of linking any crime to Modi. So far the award returnees have had to clutch on straws to make that link. But no more. We will be able to find a link even if it is seven orders removed from the incident. Finally the returners will have proof. We guarantee it.” LAVA has already secured $1.1 million seed funding from Ford Technology Partners and Dynasty Ventures for their ambitious plans.

But Perfect Award Relations, or PAR for short, has a more PR heavy strategy. Explained founder Digdeep Cherryon, “It’s not that we are against technology, but LAVA is really not understanding the market. This is not an evidence play. If this were ever evidence-based then Teesta’s witness coercion and Sanjiv Bhatt’s proven nexus with opposition parties would have killed this market long ago. No, this is a marketing & PR play, more Pepsi than Google. We are experimenting with some catchy lines like ‘Yeh Dil Maange Modi …’s Resignation.’ It is sure to appeal to our target segment.”

“The home award pickup is also a fail,” Cherryon explained. “Most Award Returners are not even returning awards. To pack the award, write a return check, calculate interest and total amount due, seriously, who is doing that! Customers do not care. What we have is a network package of TV appearances with Rain Dirt and column mentions by Oceanika Ghost. And what real-time incidents? You think we need fresh data? Isn’t it enough that there were riots 13 years ago? Amateurs these people are.”

But The UnReal Times found the most innovative green idea coming from low-budget Clean Earth Award Ventures. “We are 100% eco-friendly,” explained their representative SunDeep on the phone. “All our vehicles are powered by the hot air produced by the award returners. Plus,” he added, “We are connected to our customer feelings. Please mention that the first one hundred orders will get a ‘I hate Modi’ paper weight for free. If they award returners every miss their award plaque, this will bring a smile back to their lips.”

(Special mention to @Moskvaa and @SinghviYashpal for their Tweets that helped catalyze this.)