She survived 13 days of jail and 23 days in rehab, but can Lindsay Lohan handle Jerry Lewis?

The 84-year-old comic legend says he has no sympathy for the troubled starlet, and has threatened to haul off and hit her if they ever crossed paths.

"I'd smack her in the mouth if I saw her," Lewis said in a tirade taped by Inside Edition. "I would smack her in the mouth and be arrested for abusing a woman!"

Getting even more fired up, the "Nutty Professor" star continued, "I would say, 'You deserve this and nothing else' ... WHACK! And then, if she's not satisfied, I'd put her over my knee and SPANK her!"

But "The Machete" actress isn't the only one Lewis has had enough of. He thinks it's time a certain "Simple Life" star smartened up.

"[It's] the same thing with Paris Hilton," he said. "Those children are begging for help. What they're doing is saying, 'I'm f-ed up, can you help me?'"