Frantic that she may have torn up one of her photos of her dead son in a haze of grief, Ann McGillivary rifled through one her drawers on Thursday morning looking for it.

“I don’t think I have it,” she said, sighing and shaking her head from side to side. “And I don’t have nothing right now, because he’s dead.”

Ann’s son, Charles McGillivary, collapsed and died while being arrested by police at the corner of Christie and Bloor Sts. on Monday night.

Because of a childhood accident, he couldn’t speak.

The 6-foot-tall McGillivary loved barbecue-flavoured chips and ice cream, even during the winter. He was a little boy living inside the body of a burly 46-year-old man.

He communicated with his mother, Ann, using sign language and a handful of words only she could understand.

Police tackled and arrested him, according to eyewitness accounts, but it’s still not clear why.

The Special Investigations Unit, which has launched an investigation, said in a news release that police officers were conducting an investigation in the neighbourhood before McGillivary’s arrest.

The release said McGillivary collapsed after a “physical interaction” during the arrest.

The SIU did not respond to a request for an interview.

McGillivary — usually called Charlie or Lurch, his nickname — was out for a walk with his mother to get some pizza.

They were an inseparable pair who ventured away from their apartment in Pendrith Park, a community housing building near Bloor and Ossington Ave., at least once a day to shop at Wal-Mart or split a hamburger from McDonald’s.

On Monday, McGillivary walked several paces ahead of Ann, as he often did, unsmiling, with his arms held flat against his body. Ann didn’t see the police initiate the arrest.

“I asked (the police), ‘Why is Charlie on the ground?’” Ann said. “I told them he can’t answer you. He’s mentally retarded. He can’t speak. He can’t answer you. He uses signs.”

The police told her to “shut up” and back away from the scene, Ann said.

She said she saw McGillivary’s face turn blue. She believes he went into cardiac arrest.

He was taken to Toronto Western Hospital, where he died.

When Ann pleaded with police for a ride to the hospital, police told her to get a cab, she said.

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Although she was eventually offered a spot in the ambulance, a friend drove her to the hospital, where they waited for news about her son’s condition. But Ann already knew he was dead.

When she identified his 250-pound body, she said, she saw her son’s white beard peeking out from underneath a blue sheet.

“I never shaved his beard,” she said. “He wouldn’t let me.”

Born in Toronto, McGillivary could speak and hear normally until he was hit by a car at age 4, Ann said. After that, he attended special schools in Toronto and learned how to read and use sign language.

Although he went to live in a group home at age 15, he returned to Ann’s apartment permanently in January. The two were considering a move to Ann’s native Nova Scotia.

Neighbours and friends drifted in and out of Ann’s modest apartment on Thursday, answering the phone, doing the dishes and sweeping her floors.

They described McGillivary as a shy, helpful man who carried groceries and bothered no one. He loved kids. His eyes lit up when he saw a baby.

“He only talked a little bit to his mom and used sign language,” said building representative Karlene Steer. “He didn’t deserve this.”

Billy Adie said he is devastated and baffled by McGillivary’s arrest.

“If you didn’t know him, he looked like a scary guy, because he was so big,” said Adie, a neighbour who often helps out the family. “But he loved his mom so much. He always wanted to be with her. He wouldn’t harm a fly.”

McGillivary’s two favourite shirts were still hung out to dry on the line behind Ann’s apartment.

With files from Alyshah Hasham