The crazy train was more like a Japanese bullet train on Wednesday’s Hardball following the first round of House impeachment hearings. Why? Well, MSNBC host Chris Matthews and his panel of Resistance cheerleaders gushed that the hearing gave them “patriotic goosebumps” led by the “calm” “great,” and “outstanding” Democratic counsel Daniel Goldman (who was a former MSNBC contributor).

In contrast, they lambasted Republicans as “bull[ies]” who are disobeying their oaths of office by not supporting the removal of the Trump administration. And as for their counsel, they determined GOPer Steve Castor was a “dunce.”

MSNBC legal analyst Glenn Kirschner asserted that he “love[s] all the facts” and “an overarching story and an inclusive tale being told by heroes like Bill Taylor” that gave him “patriotic goosebumps” that showed the President’s assertions to be “a lie” like how there was collusion and obstruction (in his mind).

Matthews added that “the witnesses were excellent” which led Kirschner to reiterate that Taylor and George Kent gave him “patriotic goosebumps” because “[t]hey don’t have a dog in the fight” and “are not Never Trumpers.”

As for Goldman, Matthews hailed “the battle of the counsels” with their pal having been “great” making “every word...important” while “[t]he other guy was a dunce” and “got nothing done.”

Meanwhile, the always dramatic Cynthia Alksne boasted that “the great, epic battle is being set up with Goldman” facing off next Wednesday against EU Ambassador Gordon Sondland.

Showing just how overly invested she is in impeachment, Alksne told viewers to “[t]ake off work, get your, you know, fire going in your popcorn because that is an epic showdown between Goldman and Sondland, the liar.”

Before a break, Matthews claimed that Republicans “were really an unpleasant group today” with “a bully thing going on” and referred to “that guy with his shirt off all time.”

So unless he was referring to Ohio Republican Jim Jordan’s habit of not wearing a sport coat or mistook someone for former Congressmen Chris Lee (R-NY) or Aaron Schock (R-IL), he knows something we don’t.

In the next block, the lionizing of Goldman and mockery of Castor continued (click “expand”):

MATTHEWS: What do you make of his presentation — the Republican counsel there? Cause I get the feeling he was a down beaten staffer who was afraid he was going to look like two big a big shot, so he avoided that. So he’s kind of low-keying it. ALKSNE: Low-keying it. MATTHEWS: Whereas the other guy, Danny Goldman, had tremendous confidence and he had, obviously, the support of the majority members. He was willing to be the tyro [sic?]. MATTHEWS: Danny Goldman was outstanding. He kept it focused. He was calm. He moved it along and this guy was sort of all over the map. He can do amazing things with his facial expressions. Have you seen? MATTHEWS: Yeah. ALKSNE: He can move his whole face around. He's maybe in the wrong business. MATTHEWS: He had no notes either. Did you notice that? He was winging it.

Kirschner took particular interest in mocking Jordan (click “expand”):

I don't think the Republican attacks worked. When you look at the Jim Jordan, he's doing the Jim Jordan garble thing where “you talked to four people in six days and three levels of hearsay and a partridge in a pear tree.” And, you know, I don’t think of that was effective and, at its core, here’s what Jordan was complaining about. He was saying, “look this is all hearsay information, secondhand, thirdhand.” Well, yeah, President Trump is prohibiting the first-hand witnesses, the direct witnesses from testifying, so you can't complain about hearsay information. It's like the old line about you can't kill your parents and then cry and complain that you're an orphan. And that's what Jordan was doing. So if you peel back the Jordan garble, it's a bunch of nonsense.

In the block after the bottom of the hour, Republican Congressman-turned-liberal MSNBCer David Jolly ruled that Republicans were “not interested” in fulfilling “their oath” of office by “acting as defense attorneys for the President” and not being ardent impeachment supporters.

Giving his new party some unsolicited advice, he implored them to make a “political case” to voters that Donald Trump has been the person who’s been trying to steal the 2020 election.

Try not to laugh.

Closing out the show, Matthews harkened back to advice his father had from his career as a court reporter, which was that if one is guilty, a jury trial provides the best option while the innocent should aim for a bench trial.

For why he told that story, Matthews determined that, in the impeachment inquiry, he’ll side “with the judge,” which he symbolized as “the straight reporters of the major newspapers, the wire services, and the best political journalists.”

Whatever, Chris.

To see the relevant transcript from MSNBC’s Hardball on November 13, click “expand.”