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BUYING the children’s Easter eggs a week before Easter had nothing to do with you being an organised parent who just wanted to make sure their little darlings got the exact Easter egg they wanted, and more about you being a greedy fuck, WWN can confirm.

What did you think, you could just sit there for seven days and nights without the munchies kicking in, coming up with your age-old ‘sure we can replace them tomorrow’ line which you repeat every single year? Please.

You knew the second you bought those eggs that you and your accomplice over there would tuck into them at some stage while the children went to bed, excusing your gluttony with references to special offers and repeating the fact that ‘they’ll have too many eggs anyway’, fooling absolutely no one in the process but yourselves.

Sure you can replace those eggs, but that’s not the point; at the end of the day you bought your children a present of a chocolate egg for Easter and then ate that present by justifying it with buying another present, which, lets face it, mutton face, you will probably eat again between now and Sunday because you have no self control or self esteem.

What the hell is wrong with you? Where has your sentimental attachment to Easter egg presents gone in the last decade or two? You’d be the very one whinging if the shoe was on the other foot.

Go on, stuff your faces there, you pathetic excuse for human beings – state of yis.