FORT WAYNE, IN—Expressing astonishment at the transformative power of the journey, a button-up shirt reported Tuesday that it had gone on a truly life-changing odyssey around Forest Dry Cleaning’s automated garment conveyor. “I have seen many wonders on my travels around this realm: cashmere wraps that are elegant beyond my wildest dreams; hand-knit Afghans from the far-flung Orient—even a storage container overflowing with collar stays,” said the Oxford button-up, describing its 25-second circuit around the dry cleaner’s one-track rail system as a “veritable Homerian voyage” replete with ecstatic highs and heart-racing lows that it would not soon forget. “Before I began this excursion, all I knew was the plastic-wrapped pair of Dockers before me and the wool cardigan behind. Yet now, having completed my trek, I can comprehend all of the richness and variety that makes up this enchanting kingdom of laundry.” At press time, the frightened dress shirt had been stuffed into a trash bag by its owner and donated to charity after the dry cleaning process failed to remove a coffee stain on its breast pocket.

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