Wet, dry or deep fried, a burrito is not a work of art.

But like a good book, you shouldn’t judge this tortilla-wrapped meal by its cover.

The inside is what matters most.

Yet there are no rules when it comes to the perfect burrito. As a result, foodies are deeply divided on this oh-so-important culinary topic.

Restaurant critic Brad A. Johnson says he favors a burrito that is “low on filler” and “high on meat.” Food columnist Cathy Thomas says she likes “texture and contrast – something most burritos don’t have.”

I think a no-bean burrito is a deal breaker. You can’t be the best without refried beans, whether pinto or black. Food editor Anne Valdespino agrees.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two types of burrito lovers:

The Fusion Fanatic. This adventurous eater loves girthy, tubular meals filled with unlimited toppings. And the wackier the better. Think tortilla strips, nacho cheese and french fries. Sometimes this means your burrito is a mushy mess, but you’re OK with that as long as the flavors come through.

The Traditionalist. Simplicity rules here. You love authentic burritos that showcase the hero ingredient of any burrito: the protein. Heaven in your hand is a juicy carnitas burrito layered (not mixed) with beans, cheese, onions, cilantro and spicy salsa. Each bite should seduce your palate.

So who makes the ultimate burrito in Orange County?

Please. We wouldn’t dare answer that for fear of rioting outside our Grand Avenue building. But in an attempt to narrow the field for you, the Register Food Team held a big burrito smackdown.

Our marching orders: Fetch five notorious Orange County burritos, and bring them back to the office for dissecting.

We picked burritos based on their rep for being hefty and tasty – such as La Casa Garcia’s 5-pound King Ranch burrito. (No breakfast burritos in this contest. So don’t whine if you’re a fan of Nick’s Deli. We know it’s delish.)

Back to the King. The wet wonder is slathered in enchilada sauce and cheese, and served in a large aluminum catering tray.

“It was like a baby animal,” said Valdespino, who transported the monstrosity in a kitchen cart.

We also tried the surf and turf Angel at Cali Tacos in Orange, the Super Monster at Freebirds in Orange, Mr. Serious from Los Primos Cantina in Costa Mesa and a rather simple meat burrito from Taqueria El Zamorano in Santa Ana.

As expected, our group had divergent opinions. Some delighted in the unconventional, kitchen-sink burritos. Other were old-fashioned, meat-centric maniacs.

Each burrito was weighed, except the King. It was too big for Thomas’ professional scale.

Ten tasters, who included a few newsroom volunteers, ranked each burrito for texture, flavor and appearance. The scale: 0 to 3 for each category, with 3 being the highest. We also gave a bonus point for any “wow” factor.

Total points possible: 100.

Ready for the head-scratcher?

When we tallied the final scores, each burrito failed in some big way.

The winning burrito scored 75, a C in most grade books.

After that, it just went downhill. Our second fave earned a 66.

What went wrong?

One problem: The burritos lost some heat by the time we lugged them back to the office. Some of the ingredient-packed burritos got mushy – especially the ones with cheese sauce and guacamole.

I heard Johnson utter the words “baby food” at some point when describing one burrito’s pulpy center. (By the way, our esteemed award-winning critic polished off a torta before the contest got underway. Not sure where he puts it.)

Bottom line: We’re a tough audience to please.

But despite the low scores, most of us found worthy elements in each burrito.

So what type of burrito eater are you?

Here’s how our top five fared:

No. 1: Al pastor – Taqueria El Zamorano

Score: 75

Description: The smallest of the bunch, this 15-ounce, old-fashioned burrito is stuffed with mostly crisp barbecued pork and rounded out with a bit of pinto beans, rice, pico de gallo and salsa verde. The burrito is heated on a flattop grill until warmed all the way through, and the flavors succinctly meld. (Note: Alternative fillings include potato, carne asada, chorizo, carnitas, chicharrones and cabeza.)

Cost: $5.99

Find it: 925 W. Warner Ave., Santa Ana

Reaction: Flavor trumped puny on this one. I personally wanted to disqualify it for not meeting our 1-pound requirement. But its bright, authentic flavors crushed the challengers. It was so good, we had to scold Good Libations columnist Paul Hodgins for going back for seconds before the rest of us could try it.

• “Looks very natural and fresh. Very small, but delicious and tastes like it came from a real Mexican kitchen.”

• “Best flavor of all. The pastor meat was spicy without being tongue-burning. The cilantro added a bit of spark and added to its appearance. Stiff tortilla.”

• “Meaty, spicy. A bit dry. Spice lingers! Good balance of flavors.”

• “Not much veggies or crunch.”

No. 2: The Angel – Cali Tacos

Score: 66

Description: San Diego-based Cali Tacos is a newcomer to Orange County, but it’s already earning a rep for its burritos and sauces made from scratch. The Angel is doubled wrapped and filled with shrimp, guacamole, sour cream, cheese, rice, fries and chipotle sauce. For no extra charge, you can add a second protein. We chose carne asada.

Cost: $9.99

Find it: 1639 W. Chapman Ave., Orange

Reaction: This burrito divided the group. One person hated it so much, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d lobby to rename it the Devil. The burrito suffered from its soggy fries. If we had substituted beans for the fries, I think the Angel might have had a shot at victory. The fusion fans in our group loved the “surf and turf” creativity.

• “Pretty dang tasty! Loved it. Not too wet, solid texture. Yummy.”

• “Fries not so bueno.”

• “Tortilla looks homemade with a good amount of grease, but comes off as rubbery. That is the only flaw. Loved the plump shrimp and fries inside; made me not miss beans. The Cali sauce is cheesy and mildly spicy, reminds me of chile con queso. Loved it!”

• “It’s a little too spicy. Love the french fries”

• “Dry. Doesn’t taste like Mexican food. Junk food nightmare. Gross.”

No. 3: Super Monster – Freebirds

Score: 60.5

Description: Freebirds is a hippie-like version of Chipotle, where you build your own burrito with unlimited topping choices for a flat price. (Premium toppings are extra.) The Super Monster comes in a 13-inch tortilla and is double wrapped. (Standard size is 11 inches.)

Cost: $14

Find it: 1632 Katella Ave., Orange; 18541 Beach Blvd., Huntington Beach

Reaction: We were told the Super Monster can weigh as much as 7 pounds because you get double the normal portion of meat, plus toppings. We tried our best, ordering ours with steak, Spanish rice, refried beans, cheddar cheese, queso (a spicy cheese sauce), multicolored tortilla strips and pico de gallo. It weighed in at a disappointing 2.1 pounds. Once again, a split decision from the group. Some questioned the “Play-Doh-looking” tortilla strips and bland beans, while others loved the cheese sauce. Given the mostly negative comments, I was surprised to see this burrito edge out the last two on our list.

• “Colorful ingredients mashed together. Hard to taste.”

• “It was really good and cheesy.”

• “Why is it fluorescent pink inside? Seems very unnatural. Very heavy on beans.”

• “Beans taste canned. Too much filler to beef, and the beef is bland. Plain Jane appearance. Boring. And then … some weird magenta-colored tortilla bits. They looked like a mistake.”

No. 4 (tie): The King Ranch – La Casa Garcia

Score: 57.5

Description: Serves 10 and comes covered with enchilada sauce and topped with sliced black olives and cheese. Served with a side of fresh lettuce and tomatoes. Available with carnitas, chicken, carne asada fillings. You can ask for two meats.

Cost: $36.95 (includes big bag of chips, salsa and guacamole)

Find it: 531 W. Chapman Ave., Anaheim; 1201 W. Lincoln Ave., Anaheim

Reaction: We asked for a “no wet” King, but apparently that’s a royal crime. It came slathered in enchilada sauce. By the time we sliced into it (photographs came first), it had morphed into a casserole. The guts just spilled out as the sauce-slathered tortilla fell apart. Ours came stuffed with half carnitas and half carne asada, but the group found it hard to differentiate between the two bland meats.

• “Looked impressive, but the flavor was a letdown.”

• “Good bean casserole, but this isn’t a real burrito.”

• “Falls apart – a cassarito!”

• “Bigger than my dog – a little bit bland.”

• “Sauce is tasty. Meat is tough. Appearance is pretty.”

No. 4 (tie): Mr. Serious – Los Primos Cantina

Score: 57.5

Description: Mr. Serious is described on the menu as being more than 2 pounds, and it passed our truth-in-advertising criterion, weighing in at 2.14 pounds. The main ingredients are beans (refried or pinto), rice, jack and cheddar cheeses, lettuce, pico de gallo, sour cream, guacamole and salsa. It’s double wrapped and comes with meat choices of carne asada, carnitas or pollo. Ours came with carnitas.

Cost: $9.74

Find it: 488 E. 17th St., Costa Mesa

Reaction: If I threw out the scores and only counted the comments, this burrito would have edged out many others. But instead, it tied for last place with the King. Perhaps the fillers killed its chances of rising higher in the ranks. Most people loved the pinto beans and the meat. But beyond that, it scored low points. We clearly didn’t take Mr. Serious too seriously.

• “Nothing special. Wasn’t too good.”

• “Loved the whole pinto beans over refried beans and spicy over the mild. It tasted like you were still eating Mexican food.”

• “Good carnitas and points for freshness, happily not weighed with filler.”

• “This was the freshest-tasting burrito with lettuce, tomato, cilantro and whole pinto beans that were very fresh. Mild flavor, but juicy with the soft tortilla starring in contrast with the gentle crunch of the fresh vegetables.”

Contact the writer: nluna@ocregister.com