OK, Republicans. You won everything, congratulations. Well done.

The good news is that you now control the House, Senate, and Presidency. The bad news is that you now control the House, Senate, and Presidency. Those among you who actually wish to push forward and implement sane conservative policies are deservedly pleased at your gains. But the wimps and cowards and frauds in your ranks are, I suspect, distraught as they realize they'll have no excuses available to them. Excuses are like a warm, snuggly, safety blanket for cowards. Something they can hide under when accountability comes knocking. But the blanket just got yanked away, and we're going to see you for who you really are.

All of those things that you said for years you would do if you could, you can. And easily. The only thing standing in your way is the Democrats' ability to filibuster any legislation you propose, which is an ability you could and should abolish. Yes, you opposed the so-called "nuclear option" when Democrats controlled things, but that's because the Democrat agenda is bad. The conservative agenda, should you choose to initiate it, is good. This is not a double standard. It's the same standard. The standard is: bad things should be stopped and good things should not be stopped. Very simple, really.

So, once you've granted yourself the power to pass conservative legislation without interference -- a power that the people want you to have, hence voting in a majority GOP congress -- you can begin the process of doing what needs to be done. No excuses. You had excuses before, you may have excuses again in the near future, but for now, for two years at least, you have none. You can do everything you told us you would do and wanted to do. If you don't do those things, it will confirm that you never actually wanted or intended to do them at all.

A lot of people have said that the Republican Party has been pulled back from the brink of destruction and given new life because of its electoral gains. That may be true, but there's a caveat. You've been given new life so that you can accomplish something. If you do not accomplish anything, despite there being nothing standing in your way, it will show once and for all that you are not on our side. You are the enemy. And what was a rebirth will quickly become an extinction level event for Republicans. There will be no forgiveness if you fail us now.

Of course, there are many issues that need to be addressed in terms of immigration, the economy, foreign policy and so forth. But might I suggest one crucial and quite simple step that you can, should, and must take right away? Defund Planned Parenthood.

Let me remind you of a few key facts: currently, tax payers are bilked of about a half a billion dollars a year in order to fund the abortion conglomerate. Planned Parenthood began receiving tax money in 1970 and it has made a literal and figurative killing since then. Planned Parenthood now rakes in about 1.3 billion dollars a year. Forced contributions from tax payers account for some 40 percent of the annual total. As Cecil Richards has admitted under oath, abortions make up almost all (86 percent) of the rest.

This wonderful "non-profit" spends its billions lavishly. It pays out millions to its top executives and many millions more to the same Democrat politicians who vote to fund them. You may notice a connection here. Democrats fund Planned Parenthood, Planned Parenthood funds Democrats. If I didn't know any better I'd say Planned Parenthood, along with being a slaughterhouse for babies, is a money laundering scheme for the Democrat Party. Perhaps you might consider putting a stop to it, finally.

Yes, Planned Parenthood fans will tell us that only "three percent" of the abortion chain's business involves abortion, and at any rate the tax money doesn't go to that part of their operation. But these are lies. The three percent figure is total nonsense. The real number, as we've seen, is 86 percent. They may give STD tests and dispense contraception, but that doesn't make them a "health clinic" any more than my pediatrician's office became a candy store because they gave my son a lollipop after his appointment last week. Abortion is what keeps the lights on at Planned Parenthood. It is by far their number one priority.

As for the "tax money doesn't go to abortion" claim, that's like dumping water into one side of a wading pool and declaring that it isn't meant for the other side. Water is water. Money is money. Money is fungible. If the government funds everything except for the abortions, it has clearly funded the abortions by freeing up the funds that would otherwise have to go to the other things.

Another way of looking at it: Imagine a person comes to you and asks for 15 dollars. He explains that he wants to go downtown and get a haircut and some crack, but he needs 25 and he only has 10 on him. You could give him the 15 and instruct him to only use it on the haircut portion of the afternoon, but there are two problems with this strategy: First, he's a crackhead so how can you trust him? Second, even if he uses your money as you instructed, you've obviously enabled him to use the other money on crack. Thus, you've financed the crack. Thus, the government finances baby killing. Thus, you, Republican lawmakers, will be directly and morally responsible for funding the genocide of the unborn if you do not act now, while you have the power to do so.

Yes, the backlash will be severe. Liberals will march through the streets and burn their bras and scream from the rafters that you're stealing their birth control and their very souls. Feminist celebrities will get to work furiously tweeting and recording PSAs. Lena Dunham will spontaneously combust (another incentive). They'll call you monsters. Anti-woman. Woman-haters. Woman-killers. They'll say that you've now made it impossible for poor women to access "necessary health care services." They'll lie like dogs, as the President Elect would say.

You'll respond by pointing out that you haven't closed Planned Parenthood down. You haven't confiscated anyone's birth control. You haven't stopped anyone from doing anything. In fact, if Planned Parenthood really cares more about cancer screenings and birth control than abortions, and if abortions are really such a tiny facet of their business, it could easily redirect some of its abortion dough towards ensuring that these other services continue. If you're smart, you'll remind the hysterical left that Planned Parenthood gets around 500 million dollars in federal funds and Hillary Clinton got about 60 million votes. Doing the math, if each Hillary voter simply donated 10 bucks a year to the abortion giant, that would more than make up for the loss. If Planned Parenthood really went bankrupt -- which would be one of the most glorious events in human history -- it will be because its supporters decided not to forgo a few lattes in order to keep their favorite abortion retailer open. Finally, you'll point out that there are medical clinics, urgent care facilities, emergency rooms, and pregnancy resource centers that can do everything Planned Parenthood does, and more, and for the same economically disadvantaged communities.

Maybe -- and this would be a brilliant move -- you'll even offer to allocate the Planned Parenthood funding to other health facilities that don't perform abortions. There are about 600 or so Planned Parenthood clinics in the United States. In every town with an abortion store there is surely at least one legitimate medical clinic or women's health center. Maybe you'll promise to give a million dollars to a non-baby killing medical facility in every town with a Planned Parenthood. Take from the butchers and give to the healers. Awesome. You should do that.

But it won't stop the backlash. Nothing you do or say will matter because these people are liars and they're vicious and you've just desecrated their holy temple. They'll never forgive you for it, no matter what. Abortion is their sacrament and Planned Parenthood is their church, and you will have defiled both. The word "outrage" won't even begin to describe how they'll react.

And to that I say: so what? Let them have their tantrum. Let them scream and cry. I think you can survive it and possibly even benefit from it politically. If they overplay their hand (a certainty) and you play yours just right (not as certain), you'll come out of it looking like the reasonable ones. But even if you bungle your response to the fallout and it ends up endangering your political careers to some extent, so be it. Your job is to do the right thing, not the popular thing.

Besides, if recent history is any indication, the pendulum will swing back sooner rather than later and Democrats will regain control anyway. From one end of the political spectrum to the other we bounce, back and forth. You may as well take full advantage of your power for the fleeting moments that you possess it.

Now, I am aware that our incoming Republican president doesn't care much about defunding Planned Parenthood. He's promised to do it, but I am under no illusion that it's anywhere near his top priority. If you leave the issue alone, he won't push it. I don't foresee Donald Trump using the bully pulpit to demand that congress send him a bill defunding the abortion industry. That's why you must set the agenda, take the initiative, and make this happen.

If you do, many millions of decent Americans, along with all the choirs of Heaven, will sing your praises. Not that my approval matters, but I will be first in line to thank you and congratulate you. But if you don't, if you're not even willing to endure hissy fits from liberals for the sake of protecting children and ending the heinous evil of Planned Parenthood tax payer funding, then you will have revealed yourselves to be gutless, shameful traitors and you will live with that disgrace for the rest of your lives.

The choice is yours. Please make the right one. And please do it quickly. You don't have much time.