14. Kentucky

It's a floor.

13. Vanderbilt

It's a floor with modified elevation.

12. Ole Miss

Likely higher on your rankings list than it is on mine, but that's probably because you like bowties and chandeliers more than I do. And that's okay.

11. South Carolina

@JasonKirkSBN Darude doesn't even get that jacked up about "Sandstorm." — Jane Coaston (@cjane87) April 22, 2014

10. Florida

Bonus points for including essential instructions as to which hand does the chomping and which hand receives the chomp.

9. Georgia

You might burst into laughter upon realizing Georgia's is, of course, a look back at that time the Dawgs were really good. Your laughter will silence as soon as you hear Larry Munson bellowing from above.

8. Arkansas

Bonus points for majestic, slow-motion hog emergence.

7. LSU

Demerits for using Guru's "Loungin'" instead of one of the billions of available Louisiana rap songs. Even an edited version of "Bitch, I'm From Louisiana" would've rocketed the Tigers into the top two without question.

6. Missouri

Standard, effective commercial montage business. Commercials have gotten really good at showing ever-shifting groups of people saying the same thing. This is that commercial box being checked, and it is checked well.

5. Texas A&M

DOG CULT

4. Auburn

TREE CULT

3. Tennessee

Undoubtedly the most polarizing. Could be your worst or first, depending on your allegiances. As a non-Tennessee fan who loves "Rocky Top" and has a child, I cannot say no.

2. Mississippi State

Be true to your school. Piling plywood atop a truck in order to watch Bulldogs baseball is the definitive Mississippi State experience. And it looks like an awesome afternoon.

1. DAMMIT, BAMA

WHY DO YOU GET TO HAVE THE EVER-LUMBERING TRUMP CARD THAT IS BEAR BRYANT'S VOICE

WHEN WILL YOU LEAVE SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE

FINE, JUST GO AHEAD AND CLAIM ANOTHER TITLE

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT