I’ve spent a long time running. I’m not really sure what I’ve been running from, but I’ve been running. I’m afraid of so many things. Easily summed up into “I’m afraid to not be in control”. But on the other hand I’m also afraid of responsibility, so I guess I’m also afraid of being in control. Down to the smallest level, I don’t want to be told what to do, I don’t want to be evaluated, and I don’t want to make decisions or do things. How can anyone survive a life like that?

Well, I believe we all do. I don’t think there is anyone out there who doesn’t struggle with exactly what I just said. And I mean exactly, it’s a common bond we all share. Its the weight of the fall. the result of sin. We are lost. And the only real step we can ever take is to ask for directions. And the vast majority of us never even get to the point of doing that. Those of us that are lucky enough to get to that point usually find it in the depths of brokenness. It’s only when we’ve hit the hardest part of our journey, and found how desperate we really are, that we can be so broken and hopeless that we have to turn to someone for help. And that’s where real “more abundant” life begins. In a strange way, I find myself being greatful for my brokenness.

In the indelible words of toby mac:

Father God, I am clay in your hands,

Help me to stay that way through all life’s demands,

‘Cause they chip and they nag and they pull at me,

And every little thing I make up my mind to be,

Like I’m gonna be a daddy whose in the mix,

And I’m gonna be a husband who stays legit,

And I pray that I’m an artist who rises above,

The road that is wide and filled with self love,

Everything that I see draws me,

Though it’s only in You that I can truly see that it’s a feast for the eyes, a low blow to purpose.

And I’m a little kid at a three ring circus.

I don’t want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,

Don’t wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.