Mersey0 Wed 14-Mar-18 19:43:56

I am looking for guidance on how I should proceed and it is difficult to find anyone to discuss this with in person.



I (dad) have noticed my 14yo son taking clothes (dresses, tights, underwear) from my wife and hiding them in his bedroom generally under the mattress.



Going back 18m or so, my wife noticed he had some of her tights and underwear and she was very upset. She felt understandably violated and explained this to DS who promised he would not take them again. However, I have innocently spotted them hidden in his room on three subsequent occasions.



DS doesn't like to talk about it and I don't push him but on each occasion I have explained that taking someone else's clothes without permission is not acceptable. He said he understood and begged me not to mention it to his mum or his sisters.



This week I spotted them again when changing his bedclothes. I am pretty liberal minded so I enquired what he uses them for and he opened up a little bit. He said he likes to wear them, sometimes in bed. He said he is not gay and would not wear them outside the house but he likes the way they feel. Again he asked me not to tell his mum.



My reaction has been to reassure him that I love him no matter what. I did explain again how he shouldn't take clothing from others and that he should get his own clothes if he wants them. I indicated that I would not mention it to mum at the moment. Subsequently, he has indicated to me that he will be buying his own clothes with his pocket money.



My dilemma is two-fold: I am uncomfortable not being open with my wife; and I am following my gut instinct in my liberal reaction to his interest in the clothes.



My wife is, politely, a little less liberal and anyway would experience that sense of violation since they are her clothes. I am tempted to keep this from her provided DS does indeed stop taking her clothes.



In sum, should I speak with my wife (against the wishes of my son) and am I being reasonable in my approach to my son's behaviour?