Church Introduces New Soundproof Section For Terrible Singers

CANTON, GA—Christ Church of the Hills introduced an innovative new feature at its central campus Sunday: a completely soundproofed section of pews reserved exclusively for loud, off-key singers in the congregation, sources confirmed.

The section of several pews is encompassed by state-of-the-art anechoic technology, preventing any screeches, bellows, or other distracting noises from leaving the isolated chamber and disturbing the rest of the congregation. Those seated in the section can listen to the service through a set of speakers wired into the quarantined area.

According to head usher Monty Bennett, the program is working out great so far.

“Whenever we hear a congregant loudly belting out the completely wrong notes, we send an usher and escort the offending party to the soundproof pews,” the usher said. “The ‘singer’ is then free to go nuts for the rest of the service without harming anyone else, with the exception of other tone-deaf churchgoers who probably think he or she sounds good anyway.”

Bennett further stated that “it was standing room only in there” at last Sunday’s service.

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