lesbian-lily asked:

I have a question that I've had in the back of my mind for a while. I recently saw a post by a close friend who was uncomfortable with those who have thin privilege using the word 'f*t' (which I'm starring out for that reason), with the reasoning that it is not for them to reclaim, which makes perfect sense to me. But of course, the alternatives are equally as harmful, 'o*ese', etc. so I was wondering, what your thoughts are around thin people trying to be a good ally and using that word? Ty!

thisisthinprivilege:

My thoughts are: Do not use the word fat for or around people who are uncomfortable with it, first and foremost. Then, consider how often you really need to use the word or any euphemism for it at all. Certainly, you don’t need to talk about “getting fat” or “feeling fat” or such. If you’re referencing a fat person, one you do not know for sure is comfortable with being described as fat, and size is a good distinguishing descriptor (as in, in a room full of people of whom many are female, white, of average height, and have brown hair, and you need to specify that you mean the fattest average-height white woman is the one to talk to), then I find it best to use relative or referential terms. “Bigger.” “Shaped like [person we both know/celebrity].” “She’ll be a bit larger than the ones around her.” “Plus-size” works ok.

The principle is: respect the wishes of the people you are speaking to and about, in so far as you know them. Best to err on the side of not using “fat,” really, if you don’t know how someone feels. But if you’re talking about me, personally, to someone, then the most respectful thing to call me, personally, is fat, much like it’s most respectful to call me queer. They’re part of my identity. If you’re speaking of me to people who are harmed by those words, then by all means, find others to use, because treating me with respect does not preclude treating them with respect when they’re there and I’m not. But a thin person respectfully calling me fat is not appropriating it. I have reclaimed it and taken it as my identity, and let it be known that that is how I prefer to be referred to. It’s a separate thing from a thin person calling random fat people fat Because FAT ACTIVISM IS RECLAIMING FAT. That’s what’s inappropriate and misappropriative.

Really, it’s all the golden rule: Treat others as you would want to be treated. Not the specific actions that you would like others to make towards you, but the way you would like others to take you into consideration. You want people to take your thoughts and feelings into account, right? So do likewise for them.

-MG