Year Date Age Event Image

1979 14

March 0 Danny was born at the tender age of zero.[1][2][3][4]

1982 3 Danny fell of a tall box and bashed his head on a floor, creating his iconic "eyebrow scar".[5]

The earliest memory Danny can remember, is that when he went to Hebrew school, he was apart from his mom for the first time. Danny's mom said good bye, and Danny couldn't handle her suddenly being away, so Danny ran away to cry behind a piano. After that, Miss Gloria taught Danny to play with blocks, but he threw them at the other kids.[6] This was a pattern that would repeat in the following 26 years of education.[7]

Because Danny grew up as Jewish, he used to believe that crosses used in churches looked like "t"s, which made Danny think churches had tea parties.[8]

Before Burger King came to Danny's home town, there used to be a place called Burger Express, which had the arcade game BurgerTime, and Danny loved the game. He also went on to call BurgerTime the "Sonic the Hedgehog of its era".[9]

1983 4 When Danny lost his first tooth, he believed in the tooth fairy, and the day he lost his tooth, he stayed up late to see if the tooth fairy would show up. He remembers having his eyes mostly closed the moment his mom came in to place a dollar under his pillow. Danny also remembers that he thought, "I fucking knew it, there's no magic in the world!"[10][11]

At the age of 3-4, Danny's parents took him to the Qumran Caves in the West Bank, where most of the Dead Sea Scrolls were found. When looking at the caves from a distance, Dan turned to his dad, and he said "Aren't these caves amazing?", and Danny replied "Yeah, I shoveled them, I made the caves.", and his dad rhetorically asked "Did you?"[12]

1984 5 Danny's first memory with gaming, was when he played the arcade games Punch-Out!! and Star Wars. He enjoyed Star Wars' graphics, but he was too small to play it, so he would be held by his mom to reach the controlls.[13][14]

The blue plushie featured in the Unicorn Wizard video was his night-time friend since he was five.[15]

1985 6 Some of Danny's ventures into sexuality in first grade included: When he saw a graffiti that said "the fag". Not knowing what a "fag" was, he thought it was the name of a gang. He wanted to impress his classmates by saying he was part of the club, but this made his classmates laugh.[16] In sexual education course, Danny's friend Adam said "I know that during intercourse, the man is supposed to pee on the girl. Uh, where is he supposed to pee?"[17][18] When eating lunch, his friend would comment "It's weird man, whenever I see sex on TV. My dick, like, grows!" Even if Danny wanted to agree, he could never say it out loud.[19]

Since blue is and was Danny's favourite colour, he would draw terrible drawings only with blue, and then hand it to the teacher, who would ironically say "Very good."[20]

When Danny's friend and next-door neighbor got him his first Nintendo Entertainment System, Danny visited him played Super Mario Bros., and was like "This is fucking awesome".[13][21]

Close to Danny's home, lies the restaurant called the Union Plaza Diner, which lies on Route 22, and in the restaurant are trains tracks that go around the restaurant, and occasionally, there would be going small trains around while the people ate. This was especially exciting for Danny when he was 6, and when he was 18 and stoned.[22] This was also the place where Danny wrote most of the lyrics for I Choose You to Die by Starbomb at 3 AM.[23]

The poster featured to the right of the drawing board in the Dinosaur Laser Fight video was owned by Danny since first grade.[15]

1986 7 Up until second grade, Danny used to have a terrible lisp. This was cruel to him, as he would pronounce "stegosaurus" as "thtegothauruth".[24]

When Danny was assigned for a group project, and the group had to have a name, Danny suggested "What about the Stegoroids?", which made the rest of the group respond negatively, causing Danny to run out of the room crying.[25]

In second grade, a friend of Danny threw a house party, and one of the activities in the house party was to throw water balloons at each other, in teams of two. The first water balloon to pop declared the loser team. On Danny's team, he saw a pretty red-haired girl, and she threw the balloons carelessly while Danny did the opposite, and in the background, the song Heaven Is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle was playing in the background, and he quoted the song's lyrics for her, but they later ended their romantic relationship.[26][n 1]

1987 8 Danny's first encounter with the 69 joke, was when he was in third grade. Somebody in his class told a 69 joke, and made everybody in the class laugh. Not knowing what to do, Danny would force himself to laugh.[27]

Danny's first disappointing game, was when he bought King's Knight, after seeing the cover at a store.[28]

1988 9 Danny got his first glasses when he was nine, but he quickly stopped wearing them for almost twenty years. He got his first lenses when filming for the Ninja Sex Party video If We Were Gay, and him feeling like he could clearly see trees, was like a religious experience to him.[29]

1989 10 When Danny and his dad, Avi, were driving on the interstate, Danny was stupid enough to stick his head out the window, so his favourite thing in the world, his Giants hat, flew out. Dan's dad then risked his life to save the hat, by suddenly pulling up the car.[30]

In grade school, Danny and a bunch of older kids formed a band called Vacuum. This was because they sucked. The band's legacy was recorded on casettes, and they had a whole series of songs referring to colours. All of the lyrics consisted of the colour's name. For example, "Magenta" was majestic, while "Brown" was soft. The band also created the name "Spiarmf".[31] Because Danny was into prog rock, which is a technically demanding genre, the band had no idea what they were doing. Danny also played the bass and some guitar in the band.[32]

Danny and his friend Josh, almost got thrown out of a movie theater for laughing to hard at the Spatula City advertisement from Weird Al's movie UHF.[33]

1990 11 Danny won in an art contest by Channel 13 for his drawing of a stegosaurus. When his drawing was chosen, people asked him "Where did you get the idea for this painting?". Danny however, thought it was rude to say "I just thought of it.", he instead replied with "I just copied it out of a book." This made his parents very embarrassed.[34]

1991 12 When Danny was in sixth grade, he'd loudly listen to Nirvana's Nevermind everyday on his walkman. When he'd vist the comic book store One Flight Up in the neighboring town Millburn, the owners would remark Danny's obsession, and he would refuse to admit that he was listening to Nirvana. He felt ashamed of this because he listened to the same album for "2" years.[35]

1992 13 Danny went on the first and last date with a girl named Jodi, by rollerskating together. However, Danny got so distracted that he began playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, while Jodi skated for herself. The date ended with a hug. The next day, he got a note from her in math class, with little hearts for the eyes, saying "I'm so glad we went on that date, it was[...]". Years later, Jodi gave a handjob to Danny's best friend in Wildwood.[36]

When celebrating his Bar Mitzvah, Danny was assigned to second longest text in the Torah that one could be assigned, so he had to study the text for months with his mother. Danny's Bar Mitzvah was also in Israel, and his Israeli granddad was very proud of Danny. Danny hoped to receive Nintendo games, but he sadly received a handful of sweaters.[37] After the Bar Mitzvah, Danny almost fainted.[38][39]

When revisiting the comic-book store One Flight Up, an employee named Keith introduced Danny to Rush.[40][41]

1993 14 Danny began on the Jonathan Dayton High School in the summer of 1993.[4]

The movie Sliver's scene where Zeke asks Carly "Are you wearing the panties?" impacted Danny greatly. This is why he feels bad when saying the word "panties".[42]

1994 15 Danny began playing Magic: The Gathering around this time.[43]

1994 22

April Danny experienced the band Rush for the first time at the Brendan Byrne Arena.[44]

1995 16 Danny cut school with his friends often, to have McDonald's and fun by the Route 22, New Jersey, where many stores used to be. He doesn't fondly remember the first time he tried the Virtual Boy, as he had to vomit quite fast.[45]

1996 17 For Danny's 17th birthday, his friends all invited him to the Bennigan's restaurant by Route 22, close to where he grew up. The restaurant was doing poorly, and was worsened on Dany's 17th birthday, as his friends ordered two cakes, which forced the waiters to sing "Happy Birthday" twice for Danny.[46]

Danny was unsuccessfully taught by his dad about the birds and the bees, while on a trip to Atlanta City.[47]

When Danny went to the Bennington July Program, there were two rival "dude" dorms; Canfield, which Danny was in, and Sawtell. The the people in the Sawtell dorm were heavy smokers, so as a prank, they dumped their cigarette butts on Canfield's porch. As revenge, three from Canfield, including Danny, snuck in the middle of the night to run across the field to prank Sawtell's dorm. Someone wrote the Anarchy sign with Cheese Whiz on all of the mirrors, and someone wrote "death" and an arrow pointing to a person's bed with shaving cream. Canfield got in huge trouble, and as a response, Sawtell grabed cow feces and threw it into Canfield's dorm.[48]

During the North American blizzard of 1996, Danny's dad, Avi, was increasingly tired of having to constantly shovel snow, so Avi bought a snowblower. After Avi brought it home to Dan, Avi said; "Dan, I'll let you use this snowblower, but be careful, OK? 'Cause you never use one...". Enraged, Dan answered "Uh, I think I know how to use a snowblower." Dan managed to run over the long electrical cord to the snowblower, which was connected to an outlet inside, which made the cord retract quickly into the snowblower, which quickly destroyed the snowblower.[49]

1997 28

June[50] 18 Danny used to work as an apprentice who set up antennas for the radio station WDHA.[51] In Echo [Lake] Park, Mountainside, New Jersey, he recorded a Blue Öyster Cult concert, but he didn't realize he was in the redneck part of New Jersey. He fondly remembers a fat, sleeveless shirt-clad, grody moustached dad with two kids on each of his shoulders, shouting "THE KIDS WANNA HEAR GODZILLA!"[51][52]

1997 In Danny's freshman year in Boston University,[53][n 2] and he celebrated it with 5 other friends by going to a beer party. Danny and his friends got a 22-year-old person to buy them beer, and thus they were walking in broad daylight on Commonwealth Avenue in Boston with a "bunch" of Miller beer.[55] The police eventually saw them walking with the beers, and asked their age, and were eventually locked up in a cell for few hours for interrogation. Danny was then handcuffed to a table for convenience purposes, but his arms turned purple quite fast. The police then asked him he was okay, and if he was going to do anything stupid after being released. Danny said no, and the police realized that Danny and his friends were good kids, and made them walk away with no charges. Later, Danny and his friends went to court, but the court also realized that Danny and his friends were dumb, harmless, kids, who didn't mean anything bad.[56]

Danny was also a waiter at a restaurant at the time. This made him used to carry alcohol around.[56]

Danny also made a noose out of a work partner's sock, Kelly. Danny and a friend hung her Kermit the Frog doll. All of the rooms in college had a dry erase board by the door, so Danny and his other friend wrote "It's not easy bein' green" there. For this reason, he was accused of "threatening a student", and he was forced to change dorms.[57]

Also when he lived there in the common dorms, his roommate and Danny would often steal a food sign from the cafeteria, and hang it under the sign on the door where it said "Dan and Jessie's room", and with the stolen food sign, it said "This selection contains nuts."[58]

1997-

2000 18-

19,[59]

19-

21 Later that year, Danny got really sick with the disease "mono", and he was inactive for 8 months. He describes this time as his first experience of real sadness over a long period of time. He noticed that, even if he was physically getting healthier, he was still struggling mentally, because he had suddenly gone to college, and his time as a child was over. This time almost failed him out of college, because he couldn't go to his classes, and he didn't really leave his apartment for 5 months. But one time when he was at his friend Adam's house, Danny was sitting on Adam's computer, and discussing Danny's mental state, which made Adam say "Dude, stop obsessing about that shit." This made Danny unconsciously type in "obsessive" into Google, and Danny saw many pages come up about OCD, and when he read through some of them, he started crying, because he realized he wasn't crazy. Danny describes his OCD as making his mind associate with many things from his memory, which made him inactive. If he wanted to go bike riding, he'd think of him riding a bike when he was a kid, back home. Then he'd start thinking of home, and that his ex-girlfriend is in his hometown; he doesn't like his ex-girlfriend, therefore he couldn't go bike riding. His mind would associate everything until it would get to something that made him sad, and then he couldn't disconnect the sad thing from what he wanted to do. In the third month, Danny consulted a therapist, and they put Danny on Prozac for what would be an indefinite period of time, but in the sixth month, Danny randomly got a letter from Tufts University, inviting Danny to study in the French Alps as an exchange student to study two classes - "Flowers of the French Alps", and "Epidemiology".[53] The town he visited was Talloires,[60] a town which Tufts University has diplomatic relations with.[61] In the town Danny was staying in, was a pretty lake in the middle of the town, which most likely is Lake Annecy in Talloires. At that time, he was on Prozac for 6 months, and realized he didn't need the pills anymore, so he took the pill bottle and threw it into the lake. That was one of his most satisfying personal moments.[62] Among the memories he has of the place, was a church - he noted the violent imagery in the church, especially where "Jesus was torn apart on the wall."[63][n 3] Danny also remembers eating cheese with every meal he had,[64] and parasailing off of the alps.[65][66] It's uncertain when Danny left for France and returned to the states, but it's most likely that Danny stayed in France until the summer of 2000,[n 4] as he was still in Boston in 1999.[67]

1998 23

May 19 Danny began making a costume based on The Blue Blazer's costume while he died. Danny put it in the closet until 2009 when he started using an altered version of the costume in Ninja Sex Party to honor The Blue Blazer.[68][69]

1999 20 Danny briefly lived in a Kibbutz in Israel.[70]

1999/

2000 20/[71]

21[66] When Danny was in Everglades on an airboat tour, the tour host invited the other people who were on the airboat tour to see an alligator pen. The host asked the people, "Who wants to wrestle this alligator?", and Danny's friend said "My buddy Dan does!". Unfortunately, Danny was really stoned at the time, and too stoned to make a wise decision. The people urged Danny wrestle the alligator, so Danny wrestled it.[72][71]

2000 Danny had a "super depression" for an entire year, because a girl he fell in love with got married. This made him listen to Radiohead all the time.[27]

2000 20

July Danny attended a concert of the Up In Smoke Tour at The Centrum, Worcester, Massachusetts, and Snoop Dogg asked the audience; "Ay yo, Boston. Can I get some of that sticky icky icky?"[76][77]

2001 23

February Danny wrote a terrible article for The Daily Free Press.[78]

2001 Later that year, Danny was working in a stone grinding factory in Israel, to create plastic wheel rings.[79]

2002 23 Danny joined the Northern Hues in early 2002, with the guitarists Aron Brand and Jeffrey Rains, in Edison, North New Jersey. He became acquainted with the band after an advertisement on craigslist. The band began practicing in Aron's parents' basement, but after the parents would continuously disturb them during practice, they eventually moved to Philadelphia. The band also met the rest of the six members there.[80][81]

Danny used to work at a Harley Davidson store in Bloomfield, New Jersey, because his friend's dad owned the shop. His friend, Andy, then 36 years, was Danny's supportive friend. Each morning, they used to get a double decker burger with a fried egg on top of it. However, Danny didn't enjoy it, and put him in a "coma". When Harley riders would come in while Danny was in his coma, the riders would ask, "What's going on, kid?" Danny would then respond with "I have never been on a motor cycle, and I'm all fat now, from this burger." Andy would also tell Danny to not waste his time in his 20's. The other friend at the store, Mike, was a native american, and Danny would often smoke weed with Mike.[82][83]

When Danny was in Trinidad (and later Tobago) with 3 other friends, and he was in his period when he would smoke the most pot. On the first day he arrived, he remembers smoking weed on the way to the airport, got (alcoholic) drinks on the plane, and after they arrived at Trinidad, they met someinhabitants, who also smoked pot. The inhabitants how Danny and his friends liked to smoke, and Danny and his friends replied "We like blunts", only to be asked back by the inhabitants "Do you like to blunt?", but Danny suddenly fainted from a heatstroke, due to him being influenced by cannabis and alcohol.[84] Danny and his friends lived with a guy who had "fields with weed", and he would bring it to Danny and his friends everyday in garbage bags. Danny didn't like it, but it was the real deal. He would smoke 4 pounds of weed every day. Danny asked to himself, "Can we really smoke pounds of weed everyday?", and Danny's friend Aron[n 5] responded, "If we put our hearts and minds to it, we can accomplish anything".[85] He also remembers the beach being white and the people brown, so it was the exact opposite of New Jersey.[86]

Being a young man in his prime, Danny apparently had a lovely 2002.[87] Around the same time, Danny was living with his girlfriend in Brooklyn, and she played Super Mario Sunshine and Wind Waker while Danny was watching.[88][n 6]

When Danny's friend was dating a stripper who worked in South Jersey, the only way Danny's friend could go there, was if Danny drove him, for the exchange of his friend purchasing Danny weed. When his friend was at the strip club, he'd hang out with his girlfriend in the champagne room, while Danny watched TV and drank coke in the bar. Because this was a strip club, several of the dancers offered to give Danny a lap-dance, but after three weeks of declining the offer, the dancers asked him why he was there. Then he spoke with one of the dancers who was nicknamed "Gemini", but her real name was Antoinette. After they became good friends, she asked Danny one day; "Do you want to go in the backroom and have sex?" After this shocking request, he was unable to formulate his thoughts as he was high on marijuana, and eventually told her "No." One week later, he was unable to find "Gemini", and after asked where she was, the bartender told him "Oh, uh, she's not working here anymore. She was arrested for prostitution." But after waiting a while, Danny finally lost his virginity with a close friend of his.[27]

2003 24 When Danny moved into Philadelphia, he was very poor, having only $20 on his bank account, he had no idea to survive, and he was barely making rent? But when he said to himself "I wish I had furniture", a day later, he saw a "beautiful" couch laying on the street. Danny was initially reluctant to take it, but eventually claimed it as his own. He called his friends to lift it into the basement he lived in with his friends. After two days had passed, the couch suddenly began to smell terribly, which Danny could only describe like "it wasn't just like the couch had cat pee on it, it was like someone had wrung out a cat of its pee and mashed it all into the couch". In the main hall to his apartment, a giant cockroach lived, which Danny would call Kevin.[89] Unfortunately, his landlord hired someone to kill the roach, which prompted Danny to get a glass in order to save Kevin. When Danny released him from the glass, Kevin instead of running, comfortably walked out of the glass.[90]

Danny wasted an "entire year" playing Morrowind and smoking pot, and the extreme playing of Morrowind would eventually cause Danny to get worse perceptions of the world.[91] Danny eventually became so good at the controls of the game, to the point that he would cinematically sweep around his player, while it walked slowly.[92] When Danny would seldom get out of the house to buy sandwiches, and when talking to the salesman, Danny visualized a bar from the game over the salesman's head. This bar showed out of 100, how much he liked Danny, as in the game Morrowind. When the salesman would make a joke, Danny would say "Oh, I just jumped from a 74 to an 82."[91] From the same time, there was a point when Danny tried to make 40 weed cookies. His friend had only one cookie, and Danny had the rest, which took 3 days to eat up.[93]

Around the same time, Danny briefly worked at a data entry job at Quest Diagnostics[94], but was quickly fired because of his constant consumption of weed. He tried masking this by drinking a medicine for removing the high, which would make him urinate until the high wore off. He was quickly fired from the job by a telephone call, apparently from woman in Texas. Three weeks later, he begun working at the Mugshots Coffeehouse, which lay on Fairmount Avenue, Philadelphia, right across "crazy medieval-looking prison".[n 7] At that coffee shop, he met Josh, with whom he does the podcast Balls In Your Ear.[95][96] The most intense hours of working there were when Danny and Josh would come to Mugshots at 5:30AM, just before the 6 am shift, and these early mornings were called "Metal Mondays", with "Metal" referring to them blasting Mastodon and other insane metal bands in order to wake them up.[97]

When Danny was in New Orleans with his family, there were problems with the timing of his parents, so he decided to check out Larry Flynt's Hustler Barely Legal Club. He then began talking to a stripper, who brought her friend Brandy. Due to Dan being drunk and tipsy, he went to the champagne room, and wasted $800 on a crazy night.

No sex though.[98]

Years later, he later found out that one of them

was a porn actor.[99][n 8]

When driving from Jersey to Miami with his buddy Kyle, they were unlucky enough to bring some weed in their car. When in the southern states, Danny and Kyle discussed about getting pulled over by policemen, and Danny said he would cry. Kyle, however, iconically said "Yo, I'll kill myself before I cry in front of another man." When they drove by a road block, Danny had to quickly hide the weed, because it was in his hand. When the policeman pulled them over, he asked "Where's the marijuana cigarette?" and Danny responded "Umm... I don't know what you're talking about." The blunt was in his sock, and the cop couldn't find it.[100][101]

2003 31

October In his "Philly" days, Danny was in a Halloween party that lasted all night, and the guests crashed out in the main living room area, but Danny fell asleep on the mattress on the floor. On the couch, 2 feet from Danny's head, were a couple consisting of a girl dressed as a giant flower, and a boy dressed as a spartan. Sadly, after Danny fell asleep, the couple had recently undressed and started having intercourse. Because the weather was so warm at that time, Danny woke up with jeans on under his costume. This left Danny petrified, as he did not want to take off his jeans, so that the belt buckle would wrestle and make the couple think that Danny was masturbating.[102][n 9]

December A friend of Danny's asked him to transfer a couch from Washington, D.C. to Philly, which forced Danny to learn how to drive a U-haul truck, which he had never driven before, and a problem with driving the truck was that there was no rear view mirror. On the way from Washington to Philadelphia, he had to pass under a train bridges of stone around the Menlo Park Mall in Edison, New Jersey. Being high at the time, didn't help noticing signs indicating the acceptable heights of vehicles that could drive under tunnels, so Danny unknowingly drove without knowing the height of the truck. Initially, the venture under the bridge felt good for Danny, as the initial road before under the tunnel was going downhill, but halfway underneath the bridge, the road sloped upwards ever so slightly, making the truck completely damaged. Because the truck was completely stuck, Danny had to conduct the cars that were stuck behind the rental truck, by trying to stop the traffic infront the truck, and by running to the back by conducting the cars behind the truck on how to move around the truck. He kept on doing this for half an hour, until someone called the police. Because of the frigid cold temperature, his hands eventually turned purple, and a couple felt so bad for Danny that they give him gloves. When the cops came, Dan sat in the back of the police car, and gave Dan a lot of shit, which was partly in due to his appearance. But after talking to the cops for a while, they realized Dan wouldn't do anything stupid, and they dropped him off at a Dunkin' Donuts. Eventually a friend of Danny's came to pick him up, and then his mom came and put her hand on Dan's shoulder and he started crying. Also, they had to laser-cut the roof of the U-haul truck to get the couch out.[103][n 10]

2005 11

January The Northern Hues EP released.[106]

19–21

August 26 Danny met cosplayer Fire Lily at Otakon in Baltimore. He cosplayed as Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop, and Fire Lily cosplayed as Etna from Disgaea.[107][108]

2005~

2008 26~

29 After living in Philly, Danny, his friends from the Northern Hues, and another unnamed friend, moved to the basement of McKibbin [Street] Lofts, in East Williamsburg Brooklyn, which Danny described as an abandoned factory. Then five of the roommates got girlfriends, bringing the number up to 12, and Danny describes that after the arrival of girls, the place got much nicer. Eventually, they began having many parties, and after one party, 2 guests stayed, and began paying rent, which brought the number up to 14. The downside with the loft, was that each time it would rain, it would flood the entire basement, eventually causing both of the roommates neighbors to move out. Each time it would rain, Danny's roommates lined up, and started hauling sandbags in the hallway in order to create a dam, to protect their apartment. Each time a neighbor would move out, the roommates would knock down the walls, "annexing that shit like Puerto Rico", and the apartment eventually got huge.[109][110]

2006 Winter 27 Danny formed his second band, Skyhill, with Peter Lennox.[111][112]

2007 3

June 28 Run with the Hunted released.[113]

12

September Danny was at a concert with singer Sia Furler, and Danny gave her a copy of Skyhill's Run with the Hunted. She commented that Hands on the Water was a nice song.[114][115]

2009 30 Danny used to work at a Game Stop in West 4th Street, New York.[121]

2011 29

September 32 NSFW released.

2012 23

May -

19

October 33 Danny briefly starred in a mini-series for Mondo Media.[124]

2012 Danny's last haircut was in 2012.[125][126][127]

Danny also left New York around this time.[119]

25

June Replaced Jon in Game Grumps.

17

December Starbomb released.

2014 16

December 35 Player Select released.