The glory days of the American muscle car throughout the 1960s conjure nostalgic images of V8 engines dominating drag races. But like everything else in the world, technology has had a compound effect on the automobile. Classic cars that were once so admired for their exceptional performance are now mostly relics, cherished by car guys longing for the good old days like Brits who still love their castles. Because the sad truth is, by today's standards, very few of those original "muscle cars" are what you'd consider fast.

To wit: the Toyota Sienna minivan can hit the most American of all vehicular measurements, 0-60mph, in 7.6 seconds. Each and every one of the cars below was tested in its day by the same caliber of professionals as the Sienna, and they all have one thing in common: in a present-day drag race, their times are no better than the most average cars on the road today. It’s a sad, sad reality, but the minivan would win.