PHILADELPHIA—Thrusting backward on his chair’s casters while banking sharply to the left as if he were pulling hard on the control stick of an F/A-18C Hornet, local billing associate Erik Brison reportedly pushed away from his desk Tuesday like a Blue Angel breaking formation. Witnesses confirmed that after completing the initial high-speed maneuver, Brison continued on a straight heading, gliding swiftly across the office’s modular carpet tiles to reach for a padded mailing envelope like a member of the Angels’ demonstration squadron seamlessly transitioning into a low-altitude knife-edge pass. Mirroring the poise of his elite Navy and Marine counterparts who regularly endure upwards of nine G’s, the office worker is said to have maintained a calm, steady demeanor even as his body was subjected to the harsh forces of piloting his reclining swivel chair over an extension cord. At press time, sources reported that Brison had lost control of his craft and careened wildly into the office’s printer.

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