I’ve reblogged this before without commentary, but can I add to this? As a person who’s been heavily dissociating since, oh, perhaps her age? Because it’s not the occasional panic attacks that are the worst, it’s the long-lasting vague feeling of nothing being real.

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Most days she’s okay. But some days she wakes up and there’s this bone-chilling feeling deep inside her that something’s not right. It’s a pretty sunny morning but the light seems… so oddly harsh and there’s something to it that reminds her more of a stage spotlight than actual natural one. She gets up to shower and dress, tries to pick something to wear, decides on a blue sweater but then she gets a feeling she wore it yesterday, oh, but maybe it was a dream? Or maybe she just thought about putting it on? Then remembers, oh no, sit was the red one, yes, for sure, because Candy complimented her on it when they were skyping.

On days like this looking at the mirror is the hardest. “It’s just washing your face, yes, your face, just do it, don’t end up staring at it for 10 minutes like a week ago, don’t zone out” she says to herself. It feels so weird, uncomfortable to look at this person in the mirror, washing their face in front of her. Is that really her? She is doing this, right? Feels her hands washing the gel off, the front part of her head being touched by hands. It’s her doing it, right? “Ugh, what’s wrong with me?! Come on Mabel, those are simple things, why can’t you feel it?”. She doesn’t look in the mirror while washing her teeth, barely while brushing her hair. Make up? Forget it, it takes too much staring at this person, whoever that is, so uncannily similar to how she looks, probably, staring at her from the other side of that glass. It’s something for another, better day.

Ah yes, it’s time for breakfast. “Aw, thanks mom for remembering to buy my favorite cereal!” - she says smiling. But it doesn’t taste right. Yes, it is sweet but it seems more as if someone just put that information in her brain, not like she actually tasted it. Her own mouth chewing it seems so alien, oh when will this be over. When her and Dipper head to school he’s talking excitedly about some nerd thing of his and Mabel’s horrified to realize he doesn’t feel real, it’s more lke watching a movie of him talking or as if he was some cardboard cut forced to talk. She nervously grabs his hand and this makes him stop chattering because he knows what that firm grasp means - he needs to do the best he can to ground her, make her feel real, or at least that he is. He stops to tightly hug her while saying: “Can you feel? This is real, I’m real, Mabel, it’s okay, you’re safe, I’m here. Maybe other things don’t seem like it but you know I’m always the real one, remember there was never an actual clone of me there. ….. Is it better now?” - he asks and feels her nodding, then breaking the hug. She feels like crying, again, it happens every time after this because she’s so relieved to feel him being a real, living person (not an actor) and also just so happy for having such a great, understanding, supportive brother, who can bring her back from that lonely place behind foggy glass that sometimes comes in between her and all she loves.

The classes do feel a bit odd and she’s not able to connect with every friend, not today, but as long as she has Dipper with her, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay. She even recognized herself in a reflection in a puddle today! She’s making progress, there’s nothing to do but believe it, she needs to believe at some points days like this will be no more.