CHARLOTTE, NC—Categorically denying allegations that the tactic was unconstitutional and unfairly targeted players who protested the national anthem, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell released a statement Sunday defending the NFL’s right to subject Panthers safety Eric Reid to random stop-and-frisk searches. “We’re simply trying to keep the game clean and provide a safe environment that benefits all our players. In this case, we received an anonymous tip about a suspicious-looking individual with a mask obscuring his face acting aggressively towards our players and decided to inform the proper authorities,” said Goodell at a press conference in which he advised Reid against loitering at the line of scrimmage or other sensitive areas to avoid similar incidents moving forward. “He was described holding an unidentified object in his hands, a description which prompted officials to detain Mr Reid and perform a thorough strip-search. We were all relieved to discover it was just a football, this time, but no single player is above the code of conduct.” Reid and 11 of his teammates are currently being held for questioning on suspicion of gang-related activity after eyewitnesses observed them wearing clothes bearing the same colors and threatening logo.

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