Warriors vs. Raiders: Which team is leaving Oakland on...

Paul Simon once estimated that there are 50 ways to leave your lover.

His song might serve as a playbook for the Raiders and Warriors as they pack their bags and prepare to leave their loving and loyal Oakland fans. Rhymin’ Simon might want to add a verse or two. Like:

Just leave us the debt, Brett

Hop on the ferry, Jerry

Find a new sucker, Tucker

And set yourself free

With that background music, let’s take a comparative look at the breakup stylings of the Warriors and Raiders. Then it’s your call as to which team is handling its departure with more sensitivity.

Keepsake parting gift to Oakland fans

Raiders: Mount Davis. Approximately the size of Hoover Dam, Mt. Davis is widely recognized as the world’s largest paperweight. The Raiders will gift-wrap it in festive tarp.

Warriors: Oracle Arena. Oracle, rendered instantly useless as an arena, will be repurposed as either a zeppelin hangar or a retirement home for all the Warriors’ and Raiders’ terrible coaches down through the years.

Distance team is moving away from its loyal fans

Raiders: 550 miles, over a mountain range and across a desert. A 10-hour drive from Oakland.

Warriors: 16 miles, or, by watercraft, about 9 nautical miles. A 10-hour drive from Oakland.

Recent slights

Raiders: Fired beloved radio play-by-play man Greg Papa and sidekick Tom Flores, Super Bowl-winning head coach; during NHL playoffs, team owner texted encouragement to Las Vegas Golden Knights, snubbing scrappy hockey club in San Jose.

Warriors: Could not bring themselves to put “Oakland” on a jersey, even for one game. They had Chinese jerseys, Latino jerseys, The City jerseys, even The Town jerseys. Just couldn’t manage to throw a bone to the village where they live and work.

Team’s parting gifts to selves

Raiders: Removing themselves from helping Oakland repay the $13 million per year, through 2025, the city still owes for the construction of Mt. Davis.

Warriors: Walking out on $40 to $50 million that Oakland claims the team owes to pay off of the 1996 remodel of the arena. This disagreement between the city and the team is in arbitration.

Greatest local treasure being spirited away

Raiders: Marshawn Lynch, assuming he survives the federal government’s 2018 Purge of NFL Protestors.

Warriors: Stephen Curry.

Golden legacy: Memories of glory, left behind to ease the fans’ sting

Raiders: Thirteen straight seasons (2003-15) without breaking .500 and without making the playoffs. That stretch included the Mini-Mart Era, marked by seven straight seasons losing 11 or more games. (7-Eleven, get it?)

Warriors: Twelve straight seasons (1995-2006) missing the playoffs. And a staggering 15 straight seasons (1998 to 2012) without a single All-Star player.

Parades

Raiders: Heading into the January 2003 Super Bowl, Al Davis would not return calls from city officials hoping to plan a parade.

Warriors: Three recent nifty parades, right there in the town that has an oak tree for a symbol.

Pyrotechnic gimmick that probably will not be left behind

Raiders: The Al Davis memorial flame. Considered somewhat superfluous, because neither Davis’ fans nor his detractors need a flame to remind them of what Al did.

Warriors: The fireworks machine used during national anthems. Survivors of the attack on Fort McHenry say the machine is more impressive than the original bombs.

Honoree at the team’s final Oakland game

Raiders: Actually, neither team has planned this yet. A leading candidate for the Raiders has to be JaMarcus Russell, who hypnotized Al Davis for three long seasons.

Warriors: Maybe Todd Fuller, the 11th overall draft pick in 1996. Among Warriors, the second greatest alum of Charlotte Christian School. (Greatest? Curry.)

Rumored secret reason for move

Raiders: So Mark Davis can be closer to his Palm Springs barber.

Warriors: Fear that by the end of next season, the Warriors will have sucked all the good luck out of Oracle.

Your turn

Which team is screwing Oakland the most royally on its way out the door? Email me your thoughts.

Let’s let Paul Simon sing our boys out of town.

Sneak out on a lark, Mark

Find a new show, Joe

Don’t think of the fan, man

Just get yourself free

Scott Ostler is a San Francisco Chronicle columnist. Email: sostler@sfchronicle.com Twitter: @scottostler