“Over one weekend, the president of the United States sent out more than 100 tweets — or as they will soon be known, Exhibits A through Z.” — JAMES CORDEN

“It’s so bad, at one point last night, Trump’s iPhone threw itself in the toilet.” — JIMMY FALLON

“And he’s playing all the hits. He called this ‘the greatest witch hunt in the history of our country.’ Even his witch hunts are the greatest in history.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“But Trump tweeted he wants to meet the whistle-blower in person, however their identity and whereabouts are unknown. They are probably hidden in a place no one ever goes — so most likely, they’re at a Forever 21.” — JIMMY FALLON

“I would say the president is starting to unravel, but that would imply he was raveled in the first place. I think he might be smoking black-market vapes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“He’s losing what little was left of his mind. He even retweeted a comedy Twitter account called ‘Trump but About Sharks.’ This is an account that takes his tweets and makes them about sharks. So he retweeted it. He’s so rattled, for lunch today aides say he ate a bucket of Adderall and snorted his fried chicken.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“I know it seems careless, but in Trump’s defense he does just automatically retweet anything as soon as he sees the words ‘great white.’” — JAMES CORDEN