1. Your Cell Phone Battery Life

Remember when your cell phone used to last for DAYS without charging? With our phones constantly connected to social media outlets, going out with 50% battery at night in this day in age is considered living life on the edge. Not to mention how many extended battery companies are capitalizing on my need to keep up-to-date with social media.

2. Party Invites

Thank you, club promoters! You’ve successfully saturated social media with event invites for your mediocre parties. Now all chances of me feeling special is completely ruined by the fact that I notice you invited your third cousin, Buckley. Whatever happened to colorful invitation cards sealed in thick Hallmark envelopes?

3. Our Hope in Mankind

Every time I see someone fall for links on Twitter or Facebook promising *insert prize no one would give away for free* or just ANY spam link in general, I add one more person to my idiot list.

4. Your Reputation as an *insert positive noun*

Thanks to social media, we are graced with knowledge of Miguel Torres’ views on rape and Alexandra Wallace’s opinion of Asian people talking loudly in the library. *sigh* I love this world.

5. Proper Use of Basic Grammar and Spelling

With cutting-edge inventions like Twitter, Internet acronyms and memes, social media has been a driving force in the glorious advancement of human communication.