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According to Fox News, if you love the planet you hate people.

And by people, they mean corporations because we all know that corporations should come before the existence of the planet. Doh.

From the January 14 edition of Fox News’ Cashin’ In with Megyn Kelley’s Saturday doppleganger Cheryl Cecile Casone, courtesy of Media Matters:

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Yes, indeed, “Greens love animals but they hate people!”

It’s hard to know with these folks, but I believe they’re complaining about a fine resulting from a law passed in 2007 (naturally they fail to mention this, because that’s when George W. Bush was president hence the vague reference to the “greens” – that would be YOU, you planet loving corporation hating heathen scum). This rather poorly written law, the Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007, was designed to make the US energy independent by encouraging the use of alternative fuel types as well as reducing green house gases.

If the Right were behind the law (if it, for example, encouraged drilling here now), they would be selling it as freedum USA! But because it failed to address eventuality of alternative fuel not being available in attempting to encourage alternative fuel usage, it’s ripe for ridicule. We note that Fox’s push for deregulating of the oil industry was not ridicule worthy when Deepwater Horizon exploded. That was just “one bad apple.”

Somehow this law, which they conveniently associate via the lower third with “new EPA powers,” is also hurting the job creators. The lower third reads (as they discuss 2007 law): “WORRIES MOUNT NEW EPA POWERS WILL HURT JOB CREATORS.” Those Fox producers are good at the smear by association gambit.

How many Fox News viewers will think this law was passed by the Obama Marxists or is the result of a current change? Uh huh. And those poor job creators! Poor oil companies! My heart bleeds. Also, screw the planet, you tree-huggers!

Just a few months ago when Fox were once again afraid of the EPA boogeyman, they made wild claims (inaccurately, of course) that the EPA was expanding by hundreds of thousands of people (adding 230,000 employees to the current 11,000 and a crazy budget to boot). It’s like they live in an alternate reality over there, where the facts don’t matter and they never feel compelled to correct themselves.

Which leads me to my next point. Since homo sapiens translates as “wise man,” we can conclude that Fox News is not run by human beings (in the plural, homines sapientes), a.k.a. “people.” After all, higher-level thought processes such as self-awareness and rationality are considered to be defining features of what constitutes a “person.”

So Fox may be an animal, but that would infer that we, the “greens” (aka: people who like living) love them. Clearly this is not factual. If not an animal, and still a living thing (something we have not yet established), Fox News is a plant, fungus or single-celled organism. Fox News: Living thing or not? You may vote in the comment section but please give your reasons for your choice. Example: Fox News is a single-cell organism as proven every time one of their hosts opens their mouths. Or Fox News is not a living thing as proven by the mechanical hearts under the Fox puppets (please cite sources). Etc.

If only I could be at the controls for just one Fox segment… In this one, I would have replaced the background with an image of the Deepwater Horizon explosion and labeled it “Job Creators Love People.”

Prepare yourself for the next conservative talking point: the EPA (even the under-funded, courtesy of Bush) is evil, Greenies hate people and Job Creators are under constant assault by evil classists who think real people (animals) deserve to live.

The Fox show Cashin’ In is part of Fox’s “Cost of Freedom” line up. Speechless.