A new Quinnipiac University poll released Thursday showed that President Obama’s approval rating has plunged to 44 percent. Here are the reasons why Americans say they disapprove of Obama's job performance:

Hasn’t killed Osama bin Laden in over two years

Flawed handling of humanity’s inherent capacity for violence and deceit

Ranking someone else as poor engenders fleeting perception of superiority

Nightmarish oligarchy wherein millions of unemployed Americans watch as the wealthy grow endlessly richer somewhat of a bummer

Weak, effeminate hands

All that shit about his birth certificate and Obamacare

Has consistently wavered back and forth between doing nothing about climate change and doing nothing about gun control

Failed to preserve Americans’ blissful ignorance regarding privacy violations

Did not enact 9-9-9 taxation plan to fix economy and create jobs

Is unable to deliver consistently high approval ratings

Though the U.S. president admittedly has no influence over relevant crude oil production, a factor that is well beyond any one person’s direct control, fact remains that gas prices are fucking crazy right now

2013