Everyone knows the male ego is fragile, especially when it comes to the size of their Cyclops. You know, their Sonic Screwdriver. Earthworm Jim. Whatever you call it, this rule applies to all guys; especially, apparently, to NASA astronauts, who were so concerned about the size of their Bilbo Bagginses that their own spacesuits suffered.

Because it’s kind of tough to pee when you’re in space, NASA astronauts are fitted with Maximum Absorbency Garments (read: diapers) which handle all the dirty business of being a human while you’re busy being an astronaut. During the Apollo and Gemini-era of space-travel, Number One was disposed of by fitting astronauts’ Mjölnirs with a perforated condom attached to a bag. Unfortunately, the condom sizing (“Small,” “Medium,” and “Large”) ended up being a bit of an issue when no astronaut would ever pick Small for their Guybrush Threepwood, and the MAG bags ended up constantly slipping off.

So, naturally, NASA had to rename their MAG sizes “Extra-Large,” “Immense,” and “Heroic” or “Large,” “Gigantic,” and “Humongous” depending on which account you believe. Seriously.

In case you were wondering, other penis euphemisms I didn’t have space to use within the scope of this article included The Kraken, Crash Bandicoot, The Hulk, Darth Vader, Godzilla, Iron Man, Optimus Prime, The Thing, Master Chief, Doc Ock, Wario, Donkey Kong, and The Danger Room. Please feel free to share your additions in the comments.

(via Moon Machines, image via Joachim Baptist)

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