Anne likes Mai Tais, and I like making things — especially things that my wife likes — so I’ve been learning how to make tropical drinks from the golden age of the American Tiki restaurant. My guide to all of this has been Jeff “Beachbum” Berry, specifically his books Beachbum Berry Reloaded and Potions of the Caribbean.

Both books have dozens of tiki drink recipes in them, which is why they are practical and useful, but the thing I love about these books is their history of the American tiki craze of the 20th century. These books are filled with pictures of long-forgotten theme restaurants from all across the country, and photographs of the drinks, the menus, the bars, and recollections from the people who made them.

So last night, I made Anne a Mai Tai, I made a Samoan Fog Cutter for Ryan’s girlfriend, Claudette (which we renamed The Tahitian Fart, because I didn’t have any sherry for the float, so I used 151 that I set on fire instead), some kind of Grog for Ryan, and a Planter’s Punch for myself.

It was fun and festive, and our drinks went well with the Les Baxter music I was playing on the Sonos, and the teriyaki-marinated chicken sandwiches we grilled for dinner. We watched a great movie, enjoyed each other’s company, and then when Ryan and Claudette left, it was time for bed.

Right. Well. It turns out that the sugar in the tropical drink plus the caffeine in the black tea in the drink had a stacking effect that gave me -10 to saves vs. Stay Awake, so I ended up just getting out of bed and shuffling into my office, where I fired up my new obsession, Pinball Arcade.

I desperately want to get a pinball machine for my game room, but there just isn’t room, so Pinball Arcade is a really good substitute for me. I’ve been playing it so much, I’m starting to get some pretty high scores (for me) on some of the machines I play frequently … and last night, this happened:

I got the highest score on this Attack From Mars table.

Then I got all the high scores on Elvira and the Party Monsters.

And then I got all the high scores on Medieval Madness.

I tried to run the table on Cyclone, but by this time my lungs were aching for air, and I was finally able to engage in some much-needed rock climbing.

Seven hours of sleep later, during which I had a dream that — I shit you not — featured me designing and then playing a pinball machine based on Pink Floyd’s The Wall, before I went to see The Wall with my son, Nolan, I woke up, feeling irrationally proud of what I’d accomplished.

Paraphrasing a certain smuggler: “Good against simulations is one thing, but good against the real thing?”

I guess I’ll have to head on down to a real arcade once I get the time, and see if I can count my experiences at the virtual tables as training, or if it’s just something I’m doing when I should probably be pretending to be productive.

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