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It's time to think B1G.

Over the next few weeks, you will read approximately 1,429 college football previews that explain the exact same thing in slightly different ways. You will read it because you are exceedingly desperate for anything that includes actual football, and no one is judging you for it.

In an effort to break up such monotony, however, this is not what will be presented here. Predicted records, breakout players, schedule analysis, strengths and weaknesses have been included for each team, but those are just a part of the package.

A Twitter analysis has also been provided—a 140-character summary of the season ahead for all 12 B1G members. Sometimes saying less can provide more. Also, Twitter is where all the cool kids are hanging out, and the Big Ten is simply trying to fit in.

And because college football is all about tailgating, and more specifically, what is consumed at that tailgate, each team has also been compared to a type of alcohol. Think of it much like the preseason coaches poll, only slightly more useful.