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Photo by Peter Lozinski/Cold Lake Sun/Postmedia Network

A savvy province could win even before the shooting starts

Both provinces would be well-advised to take their war cues from another place renowned for its cold and flatness: Russia. The Russians have become experts at using low-level hacking in an attempt to harass enemy soldiers and sway foreign elections and opinions. Given Saskatchewan’s military inferiority, this would likely be their best chance to avoid defeat. Long before Alberta tanks stormed into East Lloydminster, Saskatchewan agents could use a clandestine campaign of hacking and disinformation to sow dissent, division and distrust in Wild Rose Country. And if there’s anything Alberta does well, it’s internal dissent. A skilled band of Saskatchewan provocateurs could sabotage the war effort by turning farmer against urbanite, Edmontonian against Calgarian and treehugger against pipeliner. Militarized trolls could also wreak havoc with Alberta leadership. “You get a bunch of people in Regina to pretend they’re very attractive Calgary Flames fans,” said Carvin. Then, these Regina operatives send over malicious links that allow them to hack into the social media accounts of Alberta military and political personnel. At worst, it’s a way to harass the enemy. At best, they could stumble upon critical military secrets or information to undermine faith in the government.

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Who has the best foreign friends?

Did you ever wonder why the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor prompted the United States to declare war on Germany? It was due in part to the behind-the-scenes intrigues of Prairie boy William Stephenson. A British spy often called the real-life James Bond, Stephenson was instrumental in convincing the U.S. to go to war in Europe, and even made sure to feed forged documents to Nazi Germany to ensure that an irate Adolf Hitler would declare war against the United States first. Similarly, the outcome of a Saskatchewan/Alberta war could hinge on who was best able to recruit foreign assistance to their cause. Alberta clearly has the most international clout of the two provinces. Edmonton already maintains a permanent lobbyist in Washington, D.C. and the province need only shut off its southern oil pipelines to earn front page attention all across the United States. However, Alberta is also more likely to be the aggressor. As Saskatchewan’s protectionist stance in the recent license plate dispute shows, the province would likely spend any future interprovincial war trying simply to maintain the integrity of their western border. If Alberta was seen to be inflicting war on an innocent Saskatchewan trying to mind its own business, it could expect swift sanctions from the UN security council.