So someone at Arby’s apparently couldn’t remember the word “fish.”



This is the generous interpretation of the fast-food chain’s new seafood sandwich campaign. The correct interpretation is to assume that #OceanMeat is a riff on their “We Have The Meats” slogan, but I maintain that it’s kinder to think that they forgot how to describe those little, watery, cold, legless things swimming around.




Or perhaps they wanted to retain plausible deniability by keeping expectations low and promises vague. “This doesn’t taste like fish at all!” “Sir, we never said it was.”

But until they clarify matters, here are a few other theories on what #OceanMeat might possibly be.


1. Globster, which is the official term for unidentified and often decaying organic masses that wash ashore and historically spark sea monster debates

2. John Hamm’s nether regions at the beach.

3. Cute lil baby seals, because apparently that’s a thing they eat in Newfoundland.

4. This lady.


5. Seaweed, because if Arby’s is going to try to trick red-blooded American carnivores into eating fish (which is practically healthy, before you bread and fry it), they might as well go full-on sustainable vegetable.



6. Driftwood, because you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between that and your average Arby’s roast beef sandwich anyway.