Top 15 Christian Fundamentalist Quotes of This Week

This week, my favorite quotes from Christian fundamentalists on message boards are:

im christian

if we came from apes

how come were not hairy and have a big mouth

and did we end up looking like we do know

and besides

there isnt any serious proof of apes

they showd a video saying an ape was wondering around in the forest

that thing looked exactly like a costume that i had saw at a store

know one ever cought an ape

(by luv4cs)

My concern for level of pain of rape would be greater if it weren’t for the fact that most American women deserve to raped because they oppose prostitution as a sexual outlet for men. Since they deserve to raped, I cannot concern myself with the pain rape causes them.

(by fschmidt)

Leviathon is a spirit I have battled as well. It was a hard battle but was won. It was about four months or more ago. My wife and I were in McDonalds and were having a conversation with an angel and Leviathon had come up. I told the angel that i wanted to fight this demon and he said I could. On the way back to the hotel I asked the angel if he could bring the demon to a predestinated place and he said yes. I figured that since Leviathon was from the depths of the sea he would be used to the cold water so I filled the tub up with scalding hot water and blessed the water. The angels (there were two now) brought Leviathon bound to the tub and fought with me. We all pulled our swords from our hips and began running this demon through with all my strength and everything I had. I would say it took atleast half an hour or more. We were all spent but the battle was won.

(by nautical999)

No, God’s Penis is not a biological organ. I never said God’s Penis was the same as man’s penis. Obviously it wouldn’t be. That is why I pointed out God has a Holy, Righteous Penis. That is to say, it’s not the same as man’s corrupted, fleshy one. As I said when this subject first came up, once again: Penises are not just for sex & peeing. It is only because man is evil that he thinks of penises exclusively in those terms. Man is made in the image of God the Father. That is the primary reason why man has a penis. You cannot insert your evil prejudicial ideas of man’s penis onto God – which is exactly what you are doing. God’s Penis is not equal to man’s penis. It’s really not hard to understand.

(by Navaros)

Yes sex at six can cause psychological damage. But thats only in rare occasions. Most girls are fine. Thats a scientific fact.

(by ahmed2010)

“A recent survey shows 85 percent of rapes and molestation are reenactments of a porn video/DVD. This means every time someone buys a smut video/DVD there is an 85 percent chance that sale will eventually result in a rape or molestation of a child.”

(by The Uniontown Protestors)

Climate Change is a religion and it’s holy sacrament is Abortion.

(by 4timedad)

When you play with fire, there is a 50/50 chance something will go wrong, and nine times out of ten it does.

(by June Swenson)

Forcing a wife to have sex is not rape as her body already belongs to her husband.

(by nick)

Eating fetuses is MURDER & CANNIBALISM. This is one reason why abortion should be banned. People will probably eat fetuses when abortion is made legal.

(by Karl)

How do Atheists explain the Solar System?

why do all the planets revolve around the Sun? is that just an accident or do all the planets have their own minds and know they must do it for us people on Earth. i mean, theirs no other explanation. Scientists cannot explain this at all. it is cleary designed for all the planets to revolve the light. if not then your saying one day the Earth can decide to stop and not revolve. if nothing controlling it whats stopping it from doing whatever else it feels like.

(by Jona * D)

1. If the Bible were not true, logic would not be meaningful.

2. Logic is meaningful.

3. Therefore, the Bible is true.

(by Dr. Jason Lisle)

I said I believe that to end the terrorist attacks, you need to kill ALL MUSLIMS. Which part of that was “cryptic” to you? Which one of those two words did you misunderstand?

(by Gonzo67)

I have always been afraid of Muslims. I remember the last time I flew (in ’89 I think) I was on the plane and 2 men were sitting I think across the aisle talking in a foreign language. I was terrified that they were hijackers, and I was almost in tears the whole flight. In retrospect I think they may have been speaking French. But it was so scary for me at the time….

(by RHCCapri)

One of Lady Gaga’s songs on YouTube has drawn 223,934,322 hits (as of Thursday, 06-10-10). That’s getting close to one hit for every American citizen. How has such a “success” occurred? Only Satan can give that widespread recognition of the world to one person.

(by Joseph Chambers)