balance

I couldn't think of a jazzy title this time, fk.



In any case, just wanted to answer a bunch of questions at once in a central location (this twitlonger) as concisely as possible, for once.



As y'all already know I am not playing with GX anymore. I joined that team initially last second as a stand-in because my friends needed help and I wanted to do what I could for them. I recognized that it COULD also grow later into an amazing opportunity for me, but at the end of the day I was never the teams first choice and that's fine. Out of game we're all amazing friends, brax is still blood to me, no questions asked. The time I spent on that team taught me more about a side of CS than any other team has, and I don't see how I would've ascertained the same experiences, foresight, and eventually criticisms in any other environment. I am beyond grateful to have been given the chance to not only play with my friends but some of the regions top talents and hardest workers. Without a doubt, the new lineup will flourish and I am excited to see the run they have at summit! Anyone who is a fan of CS should definitely look at how Josh run's his teams, when well orchestrated it is some very fun CS to watch & play.



So much for being concise. I am not playing with them for a few reasons. Living at my old house, as I'm sure you're all tired of hearing about at this point, made it very hard to be a reliable teammate outside of the game. I missed practices and even if my reasons were valid, both sides agreed it wasn't fair. I took initiative and finally moved out to my own place, but during that process they were losing too much time with an impending MDL season upon them and it wasn't fair to either party to expect a consistent practice schedule to be developed that I could make. There was also a criticism that I definitely see as valid which was that I had grown into too much of an emotional player in recent times. I think this was due to me trying to transition from an emotional leader to an in-game leader, and I couldn't ever really find the balance that was necessary to be consistent ingame, as a leader, player, and teammate. I had an old coach sit down and tell me at Boston it doesn't matter how strong of an impact I have statistically, intangibly on my teammates, how hard I work, none of that matters if I can't be reliable and keep giving people reasons to cut me. That really resonated with me and I appreciate the blunt but true words.



Moving forward I took two weeks off, healed my wrist, set up my new place, etc. Trying to develop a system for world-class players that I had on GX in the middle of a very competitive season, with qualifiers and other things, was just too much to take on at my old house and I needed to get my life together.



In short, I wasn't happy on GX and it clearly affected my teammates, and that's never what I wanted as an initial stand-in.



When we made the agreement I was faced with a decision to either keep trying to compete under these pretenses, stream fulltime, finish my degrees or some mix of them all.



I have joined a good friend of mine (Coach J)'s main team, as the practice schedule allows me to get my life back together while also rewiring my emotional capacity for the game. The squadron I am joining is competing in main, which at first was a hard pill to swallow after playing so many seasons of MDL and professional with varied results all over the spectrum. I know I have what it takes in this game to compete at a top level, but I want to give myself a chance to have a real come-up run again like the old witty. I haven't had that since I've lived back in this house back when my girlfriend & i broke up in 2015.



I'll be using this time to incorporate more live streams, rank S my dick off with a new mental approach to ascertain experience in new roles and really refine good habits (wish me luck) humble myself as a player and teammate and redevelop better habits that will hopefully translate to results in pro league once I make it back there.



Sorry if this is long-winded, just had a lot to say and it's been awhile, but I digress. I'll still be on the radar, but in terms of competition, I want to prove to myself that I can make another run the hard way. Hopefully slow & steady wins the race.



Streams soon, til next guys



Shawn



Reply · Report Post