Here in America we worship The Real Santa Claus, not to be confused with The Real Ghostbusters or this song.

You know the guy. Average weight. Fairly compensates his employees with a living wage instead of classifying them as independent contractors. Distributes toys globally at no cost so all children have a minimum present income. We love that stuff in the USA!

We love. That stuff.

There are, of course, other places in the world where they worship entirely different Santa Clauses.

Whichever Santa Claus you worship, I sincerely wish you and yours would keep it down over there.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)