Smashed, trashed, plastered.

Buzzed, blitzed, blasted.

Juiced, canned, pickled.

The English language is rich in synonyms for getting drunk.

Or should I say toasted, tanked or hammered?

There are countless words to describe that woozy, tipsy feeling. More than enough for a drinking game.

One problem: Drinking puts you in the frame of mind to play, but makes it hard to remember all the words you've learned the next day.

Even if you write them down on a cocktail napkin: "Whoa, I can't make sense of these knackered scribbles -- I must have been totally obliterated."

I prefer tipsy to obliterated. It's easier to make a comeback from "tipsy."

Last week, I felt like the smartest guy in the room. I checked out Market Garden Brewery & Distillery, 1931 West 25th St., Cleveland, 216-621-4000.

Sam McNulty's newest bar -- he also does Bier Markt and Bar Cento -- transforms an old grocery store and poultry shop into 9,000 square feet of beer-fueled, party-hearty action.

Woohoo!

The patio boasts a killer view of West Side Market. Many joints try to be "Miami" or "Manhattan." Market Garden is actually Cleveland because it embraces its environment.

There are the architectural remnants of another time. The proximity to the market. And, yes, the beer menu.

It features 11 varieties, made in-house by brewmaster Andy Tveekrem.

I ordered two paddle-shaped trays containing all 11 beers.

Mmm, the Pearl Street Wheat is a great summery brew. The Boss Lager Amber has an Old World kick. The Wallace Tavern Scotch Ale is a caramelized treat. The Cluster Fuggle has hops.

Within an hour, I was antifreezed.

"Dude, I feel like I just got paddled," I told McNulty, who was drinking along.

"Dude, we gotta use that phrase," he said. "'Come to Market Garden to get paddled.'"

"Or spanked," I added.

Here I thought we had just added to the richness of the English language.

Nope.

They're both in the Drunktionary. The online site -- tinyurl.com/cj8qoc -- traces the evolution of getting snockered, sloshed and sozzled in the English language. It also serves up trivia for drinking games.

Raise a glass to "elephant trunk" -- a synonym whose origin date to 1874, inspired by the idea that getting stoned makes you hallucinate pink elephants.

Get lit to Benjamin Franklin, the guy who recorded drinking slang, such as "eaten a loaf and a half for breakfast."

Get canned to the knowledge that even our national anthem's melody used to be a drinking song.

Actually, you don't even have to be buzzed or crunked to get a little gassed. The Drunktionary is so loaded with terms that I felt bent and blotto just reading it.

Bummer of the summer

View Ultra-Lounge and Nightclub has closed, and there aren't any plans to reopen it, according to manager Jeffrey Snyder.

The rooftop patio of the Prospect Avenue club, which opened in 2005, offered a stellar view of downtown to go with salsa, hip-hop and international nights.

Tropical Cleveland, which had been hosting a Latin night at View, is moving the action to Fortress, 1360 West Ninth St., Cleveland.

The residence kicks off at 9 tonight. Call 440-263-5842. Or go to tropicalcleveland.com.