Cohen: Making a case for Rams as Seahawks' arch-rival Return of NFL football to LA may mean a worthy rival for Seattle

Los Angeles Rams head coach Jeff Fisher, left, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, center, and Rams owner Stan Kroenke: Just three likable dudes hanging out in L.A. Los Angeles Rams head coach Jeff Fisher, left, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, center, and Rams owner Stan Kroenke: Just three likable dudes hanging out in L.A. Photo: Richard Vogel/AP Photo: Richard Vogel/AP Image 1 of / 57 Caption Close Cohen: Making a case for Rams as Seahawks' arch-rival 1 / 57 Back to Gallery

RENTON -- The Seattle Seahawks travel to Los Angeles to take on the Rams in the City of Angels for the first time since 1988. With apologies to the city of St. Louis, that's a good thing.

Sure, Rams owner Stan Kroenke may not have engaged in a good faith effort to keep the team in The Gateway City, stringing along a fan base that supported the team through a lot of lean years in addition to the two Super Bowl appearances -- and one championship -- during the "Greatest Show on Turf" era.

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It's a situation longtime Seattle fans should relate to after then-owner Ken Behring briefly relocated the Seahawks to Anaheim in 1996 only to have the league block the move. That aborted SoCal sojourn led to the team's purchase by savior Paul Allen, but there was a period of a few weeks when it looked like Seattle would be abandoned by the NFL.

But hey, better St. Louis than us, right?

Fans watching the game in Seattle won't be subjected to the flickering artificial light and half-empty stands of what was formerly called the Edward Jones Dome. Instead, you'll be treated to sunny California skies -- Sunday's forecast high is in the 90s -- and a gauntlet of beautiful people and celebrities in the first NFL regular-season game in L.A. since Christmas Eve 1994.

Since Jim Harbaugh was forced out of San Francisco and the once-mighty 49ers became a punchline, the Seahawks have been without a true arch-rival in the division. Sure, the Cardinals are Seattle's toughest competition in the division, but let's be honest -- you'd love Bruce Arians if he were the head coach of your team, and wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald is one of the most likable players in the NFL. Plus it's hard to take a Carson Palmer-led team too seriously as a Super Bowl contender.

There's a case to be made for the now-Los Angeles based Rams as the successor to the 49ers as the Seahawks' primary nemesis.

First, there's Kroenke a self-made billionaire who accumulated much of his wealth by marrying into the Walton (i.e. Wal-Mart) empire. The 69-year-old moved the Rams out of his home state of Missouri after initially helping them move out of L.A. in 1995.

Can you imagine how the 12s would feel about Allen if he orchestrated the same kind of money grab?

There's also the fact that, as the principal owner of NBA's Denver Nuggets, the NHL's Colorado Avalanche and MLS's Colorado Rapids in addition to the Rams, Kroenke's teams have come to define mediocrity. Legendary soccer club Arsenal of the English Premier League is his only real success story, and they haven't won a title since he became part of their ownership group.

Despite middling-to-awful results by his teams on the field, "Silent Stan" has a net worth of over $7 billion according to Forbes, and doubled the value of the Rams by stealing them away from his home state.

Blech.

Speaking of middling, let's talk about Rams head coach Jeff Fisher.

Fisher, 58, will reportedly be given a three-year contract extension in the near future after compiling a 27-36-1 record in his first four seasons with the Rams. That should infuriate anyone who believes you should actually be good at your job to get rewarded.

Los Angeles was featured in this year's edition of "Hard Knocks" on HBO, with Fisher famously insisting he's raised the bar for his team in 2016 with his characteristic mustache-fueled bravado.

"I'm not (expletive) going 7-9 or 8-8 or 9-7, OK?" Fisher said in the premier episode, per NFL.com's Dan Hanzus. "Or 10-6 for that matter. This team's too talented. I'm not going to settle for that. I know what I'm doing."

Sure you do, Jeff.

Let's review. In 20 full seasons as a head coach, Fisher's teams have finished above .500 just six times. He is still living off the success of his Titans teams of the early 2000s, one of which lost to the Rams in Super Bowl XXXIV.

In NFL terms, that's as long ago as the Mesozoic Era -- which Fisher and dinosaur-denying Rams defensive end William Hayes could learn about on a trip to the nearby La Brea tar pits if they so desired.

Fisher's career winning percentage of .518 as of Sunday puts him behind such coaching luminaries as Brad Childress (.527), Bobby Ross (.540) and new NFC West division mate Chip Kelly (.563). Fisher has somehow earned five more years of job security than the three of them combined.

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Maddeningly for Seahawks fans, Fisher has managed to go 4-4 against Seattle since taking over the Rams in 2012 due to a mixture of match-ups, trick plays and swagger that vastly outweighs the teams lack of overall success.

Rams punter Johnny Hekker -- a Bothell native -- became an embodiment of that false confidence last year, when he delivered a cheap blindside hit on Seahawks defensive end Cliff Avril only to comically cower in fear and "squeal like a little girl" when confronted by Avril the next time the two shared the field.

In case a villainous owner, an undeservedly bulletproof head coach and an impertinent punter are not enough reasons to hate the Rams, there's the fact that they're now based in Southern California. Or as Seattleites know it: "the place where only terrible things come from."

Remember when you could traverse the highways of our fair city without the fear of road-rage inducing gridlock? Neither do I.

Blame Californians.

The highjacked cost of living, the influx of tech-wealthy hipsters wearing knit caps when it's 75 degrees outside. BLAME CALIFORNIANS.

The least they could do is send us an In 'N Out Burger or two, right?

(Editor's note: Author was born in Southern California.)

Visit seattlepi.com for more Seattle Seahawks news. Contact sports reporter Stephen Cohen at stephencohen@seattlepi.com or @scohenPI.