As you might know, Archie Andrews recently died after 70 years of wholesome fun. It happened after he jumped in front of a bullet intended for Kevin Keller, newly elected senator and 50 percent of their world's gay population. Archie bled out a hero, but for a comic about well-mannered teens and sock hops, a homophobic political assassin was a pretty insane ending.



... and a hole in the group poop that will never be filled.

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What you may not know is that this is not even close to the craziest or darkest thing to happen in Riverdale. In 1956, they started publishing a series based on Archie's younger years, and to look upon Little Archie is to go mad. Here are eight things I discovered while reading this collection of bizarre adventures.

Not a single comic panel in this article has been modified.

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We had very clearly defined gender roles 60 years ago, and while sexism was common, if a woman worked hard and believed in herself, she could still be slightly tolerated. Little Archie thought this was feminism run amok. He hated girls so much, the Riverdale day care had to install a battered women's shelter. Betty and Veronica never got a single dime from the tooth fairy -- all their teeth were left on Little Archie's lawn. You probably think I'm kidding and that no one would actually make girl-punching a central theme in a children's comic. Well, they fucking did: