WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—At Tuesday’s White House Coronavirus Task Force briefing, Donald J. Trump said that the three things he hates the most are the world, health, and organization.

“I hate the world, and I’ve always hated it,” he said. “The world is a horrible place because of all the horrible people in it. Any place that has Jim Acosta in it, I hate. The world is a disgrace.”

“Coming in at No. 2 of things I hate would definitely be health,” he said. “For the past two months, it’s all I’ve been hearing about, health this, health that. I wish health would just disappear. We’re trying to make that happen very strongly.”

“Finally, I’ve got to say that I hate organization,” he said. “Anyone who’s known me for any amount of time knows just how much I despise organization. Now, all of a sudden, governors, these beauties, are coming to me and asking me to organize everything. Well, it’s not gonna happen. For years before I got here, there was organization at the White House, and no one did anything about it. Well, now that I’m President, the federal government is getting out of the organization business.”