I come from a family of worriers. My grandfather, who was one of the wisest people I’ve ever known, used to tell us: Yes, the guns are out. Yes, sometimes they’re pointing at you. But they probably won’t go off.

So don’t let the guns spoil your life.

This was curious advice considering that my grandfather lost his entire family – parents, sister, cousins, aunts – everyone he’d ever known until he was 17 and came to the U.S. by himself, in fact – in the Holocaust. He lived a full and vibrant life here, but he never stopped mourning them. He cried out for them on his deathbed, at age 94.

He knew that actually, sometimes the guns do go off.

But I think he was talking about the Stoic idea that you shouldn’t throw good time after bad. This is how Seneca put it:

“What I advise you to do is, not to be unhappy before the crisis comes; since it may be that the dangers before which you paled as if they were threatening you, will never come upon you; they certainly have not yet come.

[L]ife is not worth living, and there is no limit to our sorrows, if we indulge our fears to the greatest possible extent; …weigh carefully your hopes as well as your fears, and whenever all the elements are in doubt, decide in your own favour; believe what you prefer. And if fear wins a majority of the votes, incline in the other direction anyhow, and cease to harass your soul, reflecting continually that most mortals, even when no troubles are actually at hand or are certainly to be expected in the future, become excited and disquieted.”

That doesn’t mean to stop reading the news, or to stop staying-the-F-home.

It definitely doesn’t mean to be indifferent to those for whom the guns have come (which these days, unfortunately, means our health care workers...more on that later.)

My grandfather was one of the most compassionate people I knew. It was hard to have a conversation with him in which the Yiddish word “nebech” (which means “poor soul”) didn’t make an appearance, as in “Oy nebech,” as he considered the misfortunes of this person or that one. He was a rabbi, and he paid extra special attention to the poor souls in his congregation.

But you’ll be more use to the people around you, you'll be better company, you'll be far more reassuring, if you can find your calm -- even just for moments at a time. Take it moment by moment by moment.

Another post coming soon on my favorite things to do when I get anxious!

(In the meantime, can you share your favorite tips?)