1. You are responsible for you.

Sure, one or both of your parents may have been the source of a problem of yours, but blaming them gets you nowhere. It gets to a point where you become the fool pointing your finger at the past as an excuse to do nothing, when you could be actively working to change your situation. It gets to a point where you become responsible for the way you exist – the way you treat others, the way you take care of yourself, the way you view the world. Everyone has issues, and they might not necessarily be your fault, but to always be blaming someone else for your problems – it gets to a point where that’s on you, not them.

2. You cannot be truly happy with another person until you are entirely happy on your own.

In a romantic relationship, each person must be whole on their own before they can be whole with another person. It’s as simple as that. Healthy relationships have two people who maintain independence apart from their partner, who retain an identity outside of the relationship.

3. On that note, it is difficult to change things about yourself when you are in the cocoon of a romantic relationship.

I found that when I “dated” myself (when I was single and uninterested in mingling), I became immediately aware of the things that needed to be changed about myself, and then I proceeded to change them.

4. Self esteem must come from within. Self esteem should not come from other people’s views on you.

5. Being alone doesn’t equal loneliness if you are content with your alone time.

6. Jealousy isn’t worth the negative energy.

Jealousy is only a reflection of your own insecurities. Learn to resolve those insecurities, and you will be on the path to a jealousy-free existence.

7. Do not ignore the red flags. They are waving in your face for a reason.

8. People will show you that they are worth your time and energy.

If someone doesn’t treat you well, is manipulative, is a jackass, uses you, constantly insults you, makes you feel subpar, or uses you as their emotional/physical/mental punching bag, they are not worth your time, plain and simple. You don’t owe those people anything. You will come to realize that a small accumulation of wonderful, unique, interesting, vibrant, loving people who you can turn to no matter what the situation is is more important than having 800 Facebook friends. Friendship is important. It is one of the keys to a fulfilling, stimulating life. Friends are the family you choose for yourself.

On another note: do not – I repeat: DO NOT – let the bastards get you down. There is a seemingly never-ending supply of them, and resilience is an excellent quality to possess.

9. Human connection is an interesting thing. In my opinion, it’s either there or it’s not. It cannot be forged. You will know within a few minutes of meeting someone whether or not you have a connection with them. Superficial relationships result from a lack of human connection.

10. Nutella is delicious. Aquaphor works. Tequila is poison. Water never tastes better than when you are thirsty. Pictures are worth taking. Loud music is therapeutic. So is hand washing the dishes. There are few better things in life than receiving a handwritten letter in the mail.

11. Take care of your body!

It is the one thing you can truly call yours, so make it something you are proud to represent you. Hygiene is your friend. Brush your teeth twice a day, and FLOSS. Bathe, and maybe even wash your hair every now and then. Braces are only worth it if you wear the retainer, and let me tell you: you probably won’t. Sleeping in contacts leads to blindness. Wear deodorant. And make sure the thing you’re rubbing on your armpits isn’t just antiperspirant. Smelling good is a good thing. Wash your hands often. Get enough sleep; when you don’t, your immune system goes on vacation to spite you. Drink water; keep your organs afloat. Don’t eat to excess and don’t eat too little. Your body will tell you what it needs. Exercise is neat, too.

12. Find a way to express your creativity.

Draw, paint, write, take pictures, dance, orate, sculpt, invent. Everyone has creative energy. Find a way to exhale it.

13. Faith is important. And a faith community is equally as important.

You will come to realize that believing in something bigger than yourself and your life and your immediate surroundings is necessary to survival. It doesn’t have to be restrictive and structured, but it can be. Faith is personal. It is what you need it to be – but realizing that you need it – THAT is the first step.

14. Keep a journal.

You don’t have to write in it every day, you don’t have to restrict it to a certain genre or style – just keep a journal that you can write in. Write down thoughts, opinions, reflections, stories (fiction or non-fiction, it doesn’t matter). Write down quotes you like, words you don’t know, book passages that resonated with you, song lyrics that spoke to you, funny things your teachers say, wise things your grandpa tells you, any damn thing you want – write it down in your journal. In this way, it is a snapshot of who you are, a written representation of your existence, your beliefs, your convictions.

15. Most of what you learn in high school is completely useless.

You will not need to know the quadratic equation later on in life. Knowing the precise form of a sonnet won’t get you anywhere in the “real world.” But hey, you need to pass the class. You need to graduate. THAT part is important. So, stop complaining (because nobody wants to hear it), and learn what you need to learn to get through school.

16. On that same track, 90% of what I’ve learned in life, I learned outside the classroom. Life is the best teacher you have.

Experience leads to wisdom. Failure leads to learning. Every day, every experience, every person you meet – it is all an opportunity to learn something. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

17. Rhetoric is important.

The ability to communicate effectively through the written word is an invaluable skill, so get good at it. Learn how to use commas, how to structure sentences, how to differentiate between “affect” and “effect,” “their” and “they’re,” “your” and “you’re,” “to” and “too,” “lay” and “lie.” Learn your possessive pronouns and modifiers. If you’re feeling fancy, learn semicolons. People will take your argument far more seriously if it is grammatically perfect.

18. There are few replacements to a good book, a good dog, and a comfortable bed.

19. Family is the most important thing.

Respect your parents. They know more than you do. They have lived. They have “been there,” so to speak. Arguing with them is useless; they are always right. If you are blessed with siblings, love them! It’s like an unconditional friendship. How cool is that? Don’t deny your family as a resource for love and knowledge. And always give your family the benefit of the doubt.

20. Anything that is worth having is worth working for.

There is no shortcut to a place worth going to. In life, I’ve found that instant gratification just doesn’t exist. In short, you have to put in a bit of effort to achieve something. Patience, dedication, hard work – these are qualities you will need to possess in order to get anything worthwhile out of life. Laziness will get you nowhere.

21. Life happens whether you want it to or not.

You are only in control of you. Everything else is, for the most part, out of your control. So, let it be. Don’t fret over the small stuff. Things are going to work out the way they are supposed to.