Bill: I know what you’re thinking and yes, I completely agree, this is quite the damning advertisement for Umbro gloves. If flapping wildly at a shot hit straight down the middle of the goal isn’t enough to stop a shot that’s moving at two miles an hour, then I can’t imagine those gloves are worth anything. Aside from the glove malfunction, the goalkeeper should probably set up a better wall than one that is busy transforming into elderly women and back into baggily dressed soccer players. Grade: B-

Tim: I’m never one to complain about the style of goalkeeper jerseys throughout history, but man was that green a hideous color. Besides the fashion blunder, I had two issues with our goalkeeper. First, I don’t recall seeing any communication between the goalkeeper and her wall. Sometimes the environment will swallow up the goalkeeper’s voice, in this case it seemed to be overbearing opera music. Therefore the goalkeeper needs to use any method necessary. Second, it seemed as though the goalkeeper was just as shocked as our main character about the ever-transforming wall! Grade: C+

Sarah: Two things come to mind when I watch this clip, first is how poor the foul is. Was it truly deserving of a yellow card? I will give props to the actor for faking it pretty well though. The second thing that comes to mind is seeing the goalkeeper set up her wall clinging to her near post, and then watching her bat at the shot like a fly is about to buzz right into her mouth. Sub-par shot followed by sub-par goalkeeping. Although I would be terrified too if my Indian mothers and grandmothers were my hallucinated wall! Grade: C

Shaolin Soccer