There’s a financial crisis in our country. Politicians can’t successfully work together on a plan to save our struggling economy, but at least they can agree on a stupid catch phrase to say: ‘we have to rescue Wall Street and Main Street...’ Everyone is using that expression: Obama, McCain and the news media are doing their best to hammer it into our heads. Stop it, assholes! We get it. Wall Street is where all the businesses are. Main Street is the name of a street in many small towns. Can everybody stop comparing them now, please? It doesn’t even really work as an analogy. When politicians refer to “Main Street,” they’re talking about regular folks who aren’t CEOs or major corporations. How would the (now failed) bailout affect Joe Doritobag? However, Main Street is usually the hub of small businesses, not where people actually live. Walnut Street or Evergreen Ave or Lakeview Terrace (now in theaters) would at least be more accurate.

However, if there’s one thing politicians enjoy, it’s repeating shit. For one, it saves their speech writers from working too hard. *Phew* Also, let’s face it, people love catch phrases, like the popular “yes we can,” “read my lips,” and most notably, “he look-a like a man!” In fact, Michael McDonald single-handedly kept MadTV on the air by playing the little retarded boy and saying “let me do it!” over a million times. It’s comforting to know that the best way to market a politician or idea to Americans is to present it like a MadTV sketch. I have nothing against sound bytes, but if Lincoln were around today, and every time he opened his mouth he said “four score” this or “four score” that, I’d want to suffocate him with his own top hat—no matter how many civil wars he won! So I’m suggesting a name change to the endlessly repeated intersection of Wall Street and Main Street—Blow Yourself Junction. I’ll call the Mayor’s office and get the ball rolling.