1.) The Comedian.

Espresso for the baby?







Whats the deal with this? Also known as the “dad joke” category. Open mic night has found a home, and surprise, its the patio table at lunch. These jokes have wide ranges, and from time to time I too will play along with the sham. After years of clearing a plate, followed by the obligatory “I hated it,” I have finessed a fake laugh to perfection, followed by “looks like it!” Other go to moves include, but are not limited to- 1. handing the check to the child 2. Asking if someone with an empty dish would like a box. 3. Not understanding what so ever what the guest said and miming a laugh on my way to print the check.

2.) Its the business, its the business time.

“But how is this going to move the needle?”





Well, its 11:30, and Roger already sent 5 emails this morning so needless to say, he’s famished. Lunch time it is. The table is set(literally), for more food and absolutely mind numbing banter for one man to stomach. If you’re lucky enough to get a word in between the spew of metaphorically vague buzzword jargon, you may even be fortunate enough to receive a thank you. Five people, have somehow made five non alcoholic drinks more complicated than a speak easy. Arnold Palmer. Half and Half. Extra Lemon. Unsweet. Coke Zero and a water. Diet sierra mist light ice with a grapefruit wedge (thats a bit of reach, but you get the point). These groups can never be bothered but the second you are unavailable, is the second they are now in need. Ill have the club sandwich and a side of “low hanging fruit.”

3.) The Happy Camper

Ill be here a while…aint goin’ no where…









This is about as straight forward as it gets. This can be almost mind blowing. I’ve witnessed guests basically sit in on my entire shift. At times, guests may be unaware that their decision to turn the bar into an air bnb, can hold up the rest of your day as well. Even worse, if its closing time, don’t be the “lasthole.” Musics off, lights are up, and brooms and mops are out. Camp anawanna we hold you in our hearts, please for the love of god, politely depart.

4.) The Negotiator

“What can I get for twenty bucks?”







This one is a doozy. Bars and restaurants are indeed typically free market, meaning prices are set by the owners. However, this does not mean there are price breaks. “Make me a good one!” Thank goodness you said that, I was planning on making you something poorly. Unfortunately being a regular also does not apply. I have banked with Wells Fargo for over a decade, and sadly, they havent offered me anything for free yet. Fingers crossed.

5.) Yes its ladies night….

“Can we split the chips and salsa eight ways?”









There is a storm a brewing. Its hurricane Haley, Smashley, Conservative Carol, Vanessa, and Rochelle. They’ve got balloons, cupcakes, and an unquenchable thirst for mimosas and Titos. Its ladies night, and while they are thrilled to get together, you best believe those checks are separate. Due to the fact that they ping pong between loving and hating each other, there’s not a chance in hell Smashley is picking up an entire tapas dish on her own. The entrance is often glorious, filled with banter and updates on significant others. The exit not so much. We’ve got a crier, someone outside on the phone for over an hour, Carol is having her bi annual marlboro light, and its 30 minutes past closing time. Yes its ladies night, oh what a night.

6.) The ones that make it all worth it.

Happiness, is a cold one.















This blog is nothing more than a rant. And at the end of the day, the point of the job is to make people happy, and have a good time. Thats not a half bad gig. Whether its the face you haven’t seen in years, or the face you saw yesterday, people as a whole tend to be good. The bar was meant to be a fun place, and in this day and age we face so many obstacles that have rerouted the original intention. Great food and drinks are meant to bring us all together, so lets get back to doing just that. Cheers.

Thanks to everyone for reading…..this ones on the house.

Reid Clayton