Today’s Blogtober Day 4! One of my goals through Blogtober is to open up a bit more so you all can get to know me a little better so today’s post covers 30 of my most dirty little secrets when it comes to living with migraine.

Because invisible illnesses stink.

Migraines stink.

But what stinks even more is always having to pretend that everything is ok.

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So here goes… my 30 Dirty Little Secrets

Even though my Duloxetine is “working”, I still get migraines that make me curl up in the fetal position and cry. I think people at work think I’m lazy when I insist that I can’t attend meetings before noon. Sometimes I forget to take my daily medicines and supplements. I often delay taking abortive medicine even though I shouldn’t. Every day I worry that my chronic migraine will cost me my job. I struggle with keeping an adequate sleep routine. I also struggle with keeping an adequate eating routine. If my partner didn’t make me food (and occasionally also pack my lunch for work) I wouldn’t eat. I get depressed and throw myself pity parties. This happens more often than I had ever cared to admit. Even though it’s unfair, I sometimes expect loved ones to “just know” when I’m having a migraine. I take my migraine tracker with me everywhere (and track obsessively) for fear that a migraine will strike. It makes me angry that loved ones don’t keep their voices down when I’m having an attack. I’m convinced that people think I’m cheating the system by getting a medical alert dog for my migraines. One of my biggest triggers is night driving. Which is demoralizing because I night drive at least twice per week. I often worry that I irritate those around me with all my talk about migraines. Whenever my cat wants to play and I can’t muster up the energy, I feel like a terrible pet mom. Even after all these years, I still often downplay my own pain and unhappiness with a “I have a headache” or “I don’t feel good today.” I often wish I had a less stigmatized disorder. Sometimes I daydream about downsizing my entire life and getting a simple, stress-free job in a little shop in a small town in the middle of nowhere… but when I have less things going on in my life I feel anxious and look for projects and courses to take. I often take out my pain on my partner, which makes me dislike myself. After all these years, I still “sneak” my preventatives and abortives in public as if they were something to be ashamed of. I worry that my coworkers think I’m irresponsible for always calling in last minute to say I won’t be able to attend that day’s meetings. I hate hearing about stress management. Even with a perfect sleep routine, diet, and stress management plan, neurological episodes just happen. They don’t always need a “reason”. Sometimes I’m in so much pain, even the sensation of the pillow on my head is unbearable. I hate hearing “oh, yeah I don’t feel great either” as if a full-body, multi-day neurological episode can relate to one bad night’s sleep. My symptoms can go from 0 to 100 in the time that it takes to walk down a single aisle at the grocery store. I often think about quitting my day job before I get fired. I’m excited about having been accepted to a second graduate program, but a part of me worries that I’ll start feeling worse (again) and be unable to complete the program. Sometimes after a few hours of a headache, I get in a bad mood and I’m not always able to snap out of it. I am terrified that one day, my successful treatment plan will suddenly stop working.

TL;DR

If you know someone suffering from a migraine disorder, show them this list of my dirty little secrets and ask them what they think about it. Perhaps it can serve as a good starting point for them to open about more about their needs and feelings.

And be sure to purchase them their very own migraine tracker to help them in their migraine journey towards facing their own dirty little secrets.

If you’d like to read my other Blogtober posts, you can find them here:

StephanieCristi’s Top Recommended Migraine Products

With all my love,

SC xo