It has been sometime since my last post, 3 months and 28 days to be precise. This delay was not because I had given up on writing or had nothing to write about, because trust me as a human who doesn’t talk much I have plenty in this teeny tiny brain of mine to write about! I just went through or rather am going through a major change in life, my first full-time job, relocating to a big city all by myself and all the other things that come with it. This is not an easy thing to do especially if you are “me”. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like the city and love my job, the workplace, colleagues and everything. It’s the fact that I am an INTROVERT.

If you google the term Introvert, like most people do, you will find that Introverts are defined as being a shy person. As much as I hate to say this, but Google you are wrong. Time for some facts! Carl Jung coined the term “introvert” meaning people who prefer their own world of thoughts, dreams, feelings, fantasies and need private space. Did you know that more than 25% of the worlds population identify themselves as introverts? And I am pretty sure that there are more of us out there who have been told that they are just shy and to grow out of it. If you are one of those people (the kind who tells us to grow out of it) or know someone who is, let them know, “We are not shy. We can’t grow out of it. Maybe you should.”

Joining a new job is always hard, especially if it’s your first job ever. Meeting new people, “mingling” with them, networking, etc. On the very first day, we had an introductory session for all the new joiners. To break the ice, we were asked to pair up and introduce each other to the group. This meant that I had to search for a partner and actually make an effort to interact with him/her. For those of you who don’t know me I’d happily choose solving a quantum physics problem over interacting with another human being. So, I gathered every ounce of courage I had in me and uttered a low pitched “Hi!” to the person sitting next to me. It must have been the movement of my lips or the fact that I was looking at him that made him realize that I was trying to communicate, because I couldn’t hear myself let alone a person sitting 2 feet away. “Mission Successful!” I had done my part, now it was his turn, which he did well, considering we are still friends! Now, I thought to myself that the hardest part was over, we went around the office introducing ourselves and that was it. But I couldn’t be more wrong.

I was part of a team of 4 people including myself, two interns and two mentors. The practice was such that at the end of the week, there would be a sync up, where each person on the team had to give a report of all the work done that week. The first sync up happened and at the end of it, my colleague who joined with me was assigned tasks for the next week and I was assigned to work on my “people skills”. 23 years of life had taught me enough to expect such a remark on my first week. So, I decided to work on it and change myself, because I thought that it was about time I “grew out” of my introversion. Biggest mistake ever. I sought advice from the one place I knew would have all the answers I need, Google. Those couple of days were one of the hardest I had to go through, trying to be someone I was not. But I kept telling myself that if I tried hard enough I would succeed, well that’s what all the self help books and life gurus tell you. A week passed, another sync up, and yet the same comments!

I reached a point where I tried so hard to change who I was that it hurt. The thing with introverts is that if you try to push them out of their shell you will end up pushing them back inside that much more. I retreated back inside. I shut myself out from my family, friends, everyone. I was exhausted with the way things were taking place in and around me. More often than not, I would go to bed early (which is not normal for me to do) just so that I could cry myself to sleep and end the day. But you know what they say, old habits die hard. I would lie on my bed staring at the darkness, while my pillow got drenched. I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it with anyone because I thought (still do) that it was a very stupid problem to have as compared to the more serious issues that my friends, family and the whole wide world was dealing with. This continued for a while, comments about how I should talk and mingle more, the unspoken competition with my colleague who somehow managed to take all the credit and other such incidents that made my life a living hell, to the extent that if I heard one more remark about how shy I was I would smash their face into the wall, but obviously it was all in my head! It was on one such night I decided that I have had enough. This had to stop. But how? Google.

It was then that I came across an article about being an introvert in an extrovert world. Because believe it or not, the world favors the extrovert. The more loud and confident you are, better are your chances of being heard and acknowledged irrespective of the content. I do not have anything against extroverts, some of my closest friends are extroverts. It is just the way the world perceives them that bugs me. The general idea about introverts is that we choose to be that way. But guess what? It is not. A study showed that the difference in our personality types is because our brains are wired differently. The dopamine functioning and reward sensitivity are different for introverts and extroverts and a part of it can be a result of our genes. So, now I know that I am an introvert by nature and was born this way and this has helped me understand myself better.

I decided to write about this because if I have been through something like this, there can be others who are going through this or much worse, thinking that it is their fault and a result of the choices they made. If you are that someone or if you know someone, let them know that this is how they are meant to be and there is nothing wrong with that. You can decide to be alone with your thoughts and that’s okay. You can choose to stay in during weekends over a night out at the club. You can avoid small talk because there are more important things to be talked about. As Susan Cain puts it, “If you’re an introvert, find your flow by using your gifts. You have the power of persistence, the tenacity to solve complex problems, and the clear-sightedness to avoid pitfalls that trip others up. You enjoy relative freedom from the temptations of superficial prizes like money and status. Indeed, your biggest challenge may be to fully harness your strengths. You may be so busy trying to appear like a zestful, reward-sensitive extrovert that you undervalue your own talents, or feel underestimated by those around you. But when you’re focused on a project that you care about, you probably find that your energy is boundless.”

If you know someone who is an introvert, respect their privacy. It is as important to them as food and air. You don’t have to talk to them all the time and know their whereabouts, because trust me when they do decide to share things with you, it’s a whole different experience altogether 😉 We like to think our thoughts through, put together, in proper terms what we want to say, review it and think some more, sleep on it and then let you know. Hence, talking over the phone, probably not a good idea. Let us be. We may appear as workaholics that may prompt you to introduce us to “fun activities”, but in reality we love the work that we do, it’s rejuvenating and brings a kind of happiness and satisfaction. It is a state of bliss for us. And most important of all, as Meghan Telpner puts it, “It’s not a personality type, It’s biology!”. We have a different wiring in our nervous system that makes us more sensitive to stimuli that others may never notice whether that is in a social interaction or just the breathing pattern of the people around you. So, the next time you see me with my earphones on, don’t ask me why!

This was a long post and a very personal one. I have surprised myself by writing it down and I know that as soon as I post it, I would be fighting myself for taking it down! So, if you are someone like me or know someone like me, I hope this helps you understand yourself/them better and avoid dark days in life. Feel free to share and comment, I’d like to know what you think about it. Peace!

P.S. All that advertising for Google was free of cost.