I previously made a video about this, but as some of the images didn’t render well, and there were a few things I left out, I decided to convert it to a text post instead.

I’d like to talk about the changes I’ve experienced from one year off testosterone, since there isn’t a whole lot of information about how this affects the body. There’s some kind of vague idea of “permanent” vs. “non-permanent” changes, but nothing about how much they might change, or how long it takes, like you have with going on hormones. There isn’t the plethora of unofficial Tumblr or YouTube documentation of detransition, nor are there medical studies, as you would have for going on hormones. And some of the supposedly permanent changes, I haven’t experienced to be quite so permanent. I requested questions from my followers, so I’ll give a basic overview of the changes, and then answer some of the questions that aren’t covered by that.

I was on testosterone cumulatively for about 3 and a half years, from November 2011 to June 2013, and then from May 2014 to April 2016. When I decided to stop I was taking 50mg a week. Prior to stopping T I had been tapering down, first I did 25mg, then 12.5, and my final shot was about an eighth of what I normally took weekly, about 5 or 6mg (there’s no way to accurately measure that dose on a 3ml syringe). I didn’t do this under supervision, but when I went to the doctor to talk about it afterwards they told me it was fine and that since intramuscular injections disperse over time, it would have most likely been fine to just stop. However that’s coming from a family doctor at a clinic, not an endocrinologist, and not someone who was ever involved with my transition, so I don’t know whether I would entirely advise just quitting cold turkey.

The first change that happened was 5 days after my last shot, I got my period back after not having one for a year and a half. I’ve had pretty average cycles since then– one really short one, a 10 day one, and the rest all in a fairly normal range.

From about 2 to 3 months off testosterone was when I noticed the most change in my chest. I expected fat redistribution, but what I got feels a lot like tissue, not fat. I think in addition to fat loss in the breasts, testosterone might also cause a little bit of tissue atrophy–there’s some precedent for this, since it’s known to cause tissue atrophy in the vagina. I’m probably between a AA and an A at this point. This seems to vary based on the individual surgery as well as body composition. I think because my surgeon specialized in breast reductions, not transitional mastectomies, that the shaping of the incisions was different–more crescent shaped, not straight lines. I think that may have helped to kind of guide the regrowth into a “normal” looking breast shape. I know that’s not always the case.

In addition to breasts, I gained a good amount of fat back in my hips and thighs. I lost a lot of weight shortly before going off testosterone, and gained most of it back after going off, so my fat distribution definitely changed in ways that it wouldn’t if I’d maintained the same weight. But as I understand it, that’s generally how fat redistribution works–you get gradual shifts in your overall shape with hormone changes, but if you want to lose or gain fat in certain areas you do have to actually change your weight for that to happen with any kind of speed. My face has changed in ways that are hard to qualify so I’ll just show the pictures.

I also noticed recently that I’m starting to get cellulite, which is a female secondary sex characteristic and one that I hadn’t previously had. Again, also impacted by weight loss and gain, and by age (I recently turned 23) so it’s hard to say how much is purely hormonal.

My leg and stomach hair have decreased significantly. Leg hair is about what it was pre-T, and my stomach hair is still thicker and darker but not nearly what it was before. This has been gradual over time to the point that I’m not really sure when it happened.

My facial hair is more subtly changed. More of it grows in lighter blonde, and it’s maybe a little thinner, but it also seems to top out at a shorter length. I think that the change to my skin texture makes it uncomfortable to have longer facial hair, it pulls on the skin, so I’m not entirely sure how long I could get it now, I keep it trimmed short mostly.

About 3 months or so off T, I also noticed that my acne had subsided substantially, and my skin felt softer. I had mild-moderate acne on T, and now I just have the odd zit and some blackheads. Definitely a nice change. I didn’t take specific photos for this, but the ones of my



I measured my vocal range when I went off testosterone and about a week before making the video, since that seems like it would be a more accurate measure of chemical changes versus social changes than just talking. The voice you talk in can be influenced or changed either consciously or unconsciously, but if you’re properly warmed up the notes you can hit should be pretty accurate to your range. A year ago my singing range was d2-e4, which sounds like this. Now, I can hit f2-f#4, which sounds like this. So my voice has shifted a couple of notes higher, nothing drastic, but it’s noticeable. This is one of those changes that’s supposed to be permanent, so it will be interesting to see how it continues to morph over time.

As for some of the questions I’ve gotten:

I would say I feel different, but not necessarily better or worse. I don’t have the same kind of energy, health-wise or emotion-wise, it’s a lot calmer. My threshold for frustration and irritation is much higher. I feel less foggy mentally. My sex drive is much lower than it was, even pre-t. I attribute all of this largely to my quality of life improving in general, surrounding myself with people who I care about and who care about me, etc, as well as the fact that I basically had had a double puberty, a female pattern one and then immediately a male pattern one, and now both are over. But I definitely think I feel a lot more healthy mentally and more centered off T. One thing that I notice is that I cry a lot more. I think testosterone made it physically more difficult for me to cry, not emotionally. But I also cry a lot more now at happy things or even at things that are slightly upsetting but that previously I wouldn’t have reacted to.

I think I did, yeah. The first time I think I really noticed that things had changed for me was when I was working at a summer job, which was the first job I ever passed as male in, and noticing how differently my overgrown dudebro of a supervisor reacted to me. He was way more friendly than I really ever experienced someone like that being towards me, he made excuses for me when I missed work, he would chat with me on smoke breaks in a friendly way and didn’t condescend to me or flirt with me, he had a conversation with me once about how you know, he’s accepting, but wow there are so many gays and lesbians in this town, he’s not used to it. When I tried to apply for an apartment, they addressed answers to the questions my female passing roommates were asking, to me. Men take you more seriously, sometimes women do too. As for community or comradery, before transition I had mostly male friends, when I was transitioning most of my friends were trans men and nonbinary females, and now most of my friends are lesbians. Detransitioning made me a lot more aware of my fear of men and how men were treating me, and how it impacts my dysphoria and mental wellbeing, so that’s come to the surface a lot more and I pay attention to it more, I don’t force myself to interact with men when I don’t feel like it and I try to center women in my life, which is incredibly helpful to my dysphoria.

It was a bad idea for me. That’s all I can really say with certainty. It was a bad idea for me, and it was really hard for me to see that until I actually went off. I think I’ve gotten to a really good point of acceptance, of really trying not to put that kind of value on the appearance of my body, and of trying to focus more on what I can do and on being in my body, instead of looking at it from the outside and criticizing and wanting it to be different. It’s still a process that I’m mastering and I think will continue to master for the rest of my life, but I’m in a much better place now than I have been.