I was sitting down at a cafe with my boyfriend and some friends who went to Boston University. We used to meet there every day and each do our own work on our computers. Every morning, I would walk there all the way from the MIT campus so that I could be away from the stress of being at MIT. Yet, the stress in my own body wouldn’t leave me.

This was my last year at MIT. Year by year, my anxiety level had heightened. By my fourth year, my last and senior year at MIT, my anxiety level had reached a level that I experienced shortness of breath at least once a day. My stomach would become bloated and it would hurt really bad. I had never in my life had any experience like that before. My body was really going out of control during my last year at MIT.

Now, back to my flashback at the cafe near Boston University. One morning, when I was sitting down at the cafe with my boyfriend and our friends who went to Boston University, I suddenly couldn’t breath anymore. My boyfriend knew about my sudden shortness of breath episodes, but our friends didn’t. So, I just go up without saying anything at first and quickly aimed to walk out the door, finally saying to everyone, “I’m going to take some fresh air outside.” I couldn’t tell them about my shortness of breath. I felt embarrassed to mention it.

I went out and walked up a staircase that led to an open air parking area and just held my neck with my hands and tried really hard to breath. I felt like I was going to die since my breath wouldn’t go in no matter how hard I tried.

I don’t remember what happened afterwards. But, I think I went into the mode of automated breathing, where I would consciously force my body to breath every second. It was painful, and extremely uncomfortable and humiliating.

And this happened every single day.

My student lifestyle at MIT was truly overwhelming for me, as you can tell!

A couple months after I graduated form MIT, I had a panic attack for the first time in my life. For about a month, I kept having a series of panic attacks back to back. It is known that one panic attack brings on a series of them! Every single time, during each panic attack, I thought I was going to die this time from not being able to breath!

Let’s pause a second and rewind!

Before going to MIT, I didn’t even know what a panic attack was. The first time I learned about it was from a close friend at MIT, who was taken to the MIT Medical for having a panic attack. She explained to me how it felt and said she has them often.

Let’s pause again and go forward in time now!

Now, I was having panic attacks myself!

Is there a panic attack club that students can join one by one?

If there was one, how many members would it have?

Is this what students should get out of their university experience?

How do you think we can reduce the number of panic attacks?

I’m making a documentary now, titled Sleep is for the Strong, which showcases more than 45 other MIT students and alumni who were brave to come on camera and talk about their own hardships at MIT and how they wish to see student life improve.

You can join our effort and help us finish this documentary by contributing to our Indiegogo Crowdfunding Campaign. You can also share our campaign with friends to help us spread the word. The fundraising campaign ends on December 23rd.

Join us in this movement to stand up for student mental health! Let’s reduce mental health suffering and prevent student suicides!