So as I’ve written, I’m currently a Lutheran, and my faith was one of the biggest blocks to me accepting my sexuality. Again, I’m prefacing this with, I’m not a pastor or theology major, my thoughts on the bible and my own thoughts are that, mine. They may not be correct, but it’s how I interpret things in my life. It took years, and I mean years of prayer, deep thought, and pouring over the bible before I finally accepted the following thought:

“If homosexuality is bad, and I’ve been born with these thoughts, but we’re all created in God’s image, could the way I am have been part of his plan? God loves me, why would he create me in this manner if God didn’t want me to be like this?”

So, after I accepted myself, I had to come out to everyone. I came out to a few friends here and there, incredibly nervous but felt like an immense weight was lifted, starting with LGBT friends of mine, still scared out of my mind when I told them.

I met my now ex boyfriend and immediately hit it off, and things started going very quickly and very well, I thought that I was going to be with him for a long time, not entirely wrong, thankfully not for as long as I expected as my ex was very controlling of my life and a large negative person whom I didn’t realize was influencing me until quite a while after I got out of the relationship even though I wanted nothing to be back in.

Anyway, I had to come out to my family. I knew it wasn’t going to be something totally unexpected, but still, there’s the difference between assuming something and knowing something. I decided to start with my mom, but I didn’t know how. I wanted to pull her aside and tell her I was interested in men and women and that they would be meeting my boyfriend. I wanted a nice heartfelt conversation. My dad however, I knew he wouldn’t say anything to me negative, or I assumed as much. But I still didn’t want to disappoint him and I felt that I would be a disappointment even though i knew it wouldn’t be the case.

So the juicy bits. My coming out, I chickened out before telling my mother. I went to a small dive bar that I was a regular at well before I was legally able to drink, I believe I was old enough at this point. I kept drinking trying to think of how I should tell her the next day. Well, I ended up texting her a massive text about how I like men and women and how i don’t care what she thinks and if she’s fine with it great, if not great I have no problem cutting people out of my life, I was an adult living on my own and didn’t need anyone telling me how to live my life, I don’t need their drama, as well as a number of other things. Well long story short, it went well even though my approach was not thought out and rather rude. Making it shorter, she was fine with it, we decided to not tell my dad at that moment as he was experiencing some PTSD and depression issues as well as my parents were getting a divorce, and I was worried it might add additional stress. He eventually was told, and my whole family enjoyed my boyfriend when I would bring him to their house to visit. They didn’t, however, hear anything even today about the verbal abuse and controlling demeanor he had, and I’ll never tell them as he was a nice guy when he wanted to be, and they had positive memories with him and even though he isn’t in our lives any longer, I still don’t want to put him in a negative light for them to see as they will feel bad for me and angry at him.

When I told my mother, I had a few certainties, I’d have my boyfriend, I’d have my house plants, and I’d have God, and that’s all I really needed.