Rand Paul Beaten by Other Neighbor

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul was physically assaulted by his neighbor yesterday outside his Bowling Green home.

Paul, who suffered a similar attack by his other neighbor three months ago, was reportedly struck repeatedly in the face and bludgeoned with a parcel he had been collecting from his mailbox at the time.

"I don't know what happened," Paul's assailant remarked. "I was pouring some mulch in my front yard and the next thing I know I'm pounding in the face of a US Senator."

The beating brings to six the number of times Paul has been assaulted in the past year after also being clubbed by a Fed-Ex driver, choked by his physical trainer, and pushed down a flight of stairs by his niece.

"I don't go over to uncle Rand's anymore," Paul's niece Lindsey Paul, 12, commented. "I don't know what came over me, but I'm pretty sure I'd do it again."

Diagnosed with multiple cracked ribs and a broken nose from his latest attack, Paul is recovering alone at home.