What does it mean to be "happy"? Over thousands of years, many have wrestled with the puzzle — shamans, philosophers, rom-com screenwriters, organic gardening forums. Yet no matter how many Nicholas Sparks movies we watch or locally indigenous roses we cultivate, satisfying answers have eluded us. Until now. Because some wonks at Wallethub.com took a look at Census data and figured out the happiest darn places in these United States.

Here's the map, which uses 28 different metrics to sort each state from "happiest" to "least happy". The number-one happiest state, Minnesota, is the most vibrant blue. From there, the blue color fades relative to each state's misery until the infographic descends into the all-white abyss of West Virginia.

In addition to quantifying the relative levels of American joy, WalletHub shares some fun existential facts. Did you know New York has the lowest suicide rate out of all 50 states? What a pleasant surprise. Elsewhere, Vermont is crowned the "safest" and Hawaii reports the lowest share of adult depression (well, duh). Utah brags the "lowest divorce rate", though whether or not that indicates happiness...we'll leave that open to interpretation.

Anyway, the all-out winner is Minnesota, scoring highly in just about every category. Utah, that sand-filled haven of locked-in marriages comes in second, with Hawaii rounding out the top 3, just beating California to the punch. New York scores a middling 22, just about beating Montana. It's hard to imagine that people who are happy in Montana would be slightly happier if they lived in New York (or vice versa), but we'll have to go with Wallethub's numbers.

Bringing up the rear is West Virginia, which you now have official permission to deem the most miserable state in the USA. West Virginia is ranked 49th in "emotional and physical wellbeing." Roasted. 48th for "work environment." Owned. And, lastly, a paltry 31st for "community and environment." Savage.