FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

Mere weeks after apparently single-handedly causing the massive bushfires that have devastated much of Australia, the Greens have now been linked to another major disaster; bird shit on Australia’s freshly-washed cars.

Heavy machinery operator Brett Malaman was the first to make the connection shortly after washing his Hilux at the West Betoota Wash ‘n’ Buff.

“Fucking unbelievable. Look at this, man. I paid $16 to make me ute look presentable and then some greenie dickhead goes and does this,” the furious Brett growled.

Although not completely sure of the link between the offensive offering and the Greens party, he knows the connection is there, and would be easy to find if he ever decided to look.

“They like the environment and stuff. And birds are part of it so, you know, more birds equals more shit, and now we have to deal with this mess. I didn’t even vote for them! I don’t know how exactly, but you can tell they are definitely responsible somehow.”

However, an unnamed party member denies the Greens are involved in the literal shitstorm.

“Don’t blame us, we are mainly into drugs now”.

When pushed for clarification on whether this was meant to mean that the party is mainly concerned with drugs, or simply that party members were using drugs, the answer was unclear.

“Yes”