You hear a great deal about feminists being man haters. However, it appears that conservative women have a lower opinion of men than most liberals would ever dream of.

This week, we learned that women in the GOP seem to think that it’s very common for men to commit sexual assault. In a CNN clip showing various GOP women talking about Kavanaugh, one remarked, “What high school boy didn’t do this?”

For the record, Kavanaugh is accused of attempting to rape Dr. Christine Blasey Ford at a party when she was 15 and he was 17. He supposedly pinned her to a bed. She claims, “He was trying to attack me and remove my clothing… I thought he might inadvertently kill me.”

So the answer to those GOP ladies is, “Lots.” I’ve known a lot of men who would never dream of doing this—in high school or otherwise.

If you genuinely think that all men attempt to rape women in high school, the correct response is to be incandescent with rage, or at least fearful for all young women’s safety. It is not to shrug and say, “that’s how it is.” That would be like seeing a plague destroy your community and saying, “well, plagues will be plagues.”

"If you genuinely think that all men attempt to rape women in high school, the correct response is to be incandescent with rage."

Instead, the response seems to be that this is fine. It’s not that big a deal. When Bari Weiss wonders, “Let's say he did this exactly as she said. Should the fact that a 17 year old, presumably very drunk kid, did this, should this be disqualifying?”

I mean, yes. Kavanaugh is going to be overseeing a lot of rulings that regard the treatment of women. There are men of both parties who can do that who did not try to rape a woman. So, yes? A thousand times yes?

This feels obvious to me.

But “sexual assault is no big deal, it’s just boys being boys” has become a pretty consistent line amidst not just men, but women in the GOP.

In 2016, after Trump was caught on tape laughing about grabbing women by the pussy, in a since-deleted post, Sarah Palin wrote, “Give me a break. Hillary feigns outrage over Trump’s locker room trash talk. It IS trash—however, as a former sports reporter I’ve heard much worse in locker rooms.”

That’s horrible, Sarah Palin! If men are talking about assaulting women in locker rooms, it is very reasonable to be upset by that. Men who were in locker rooms a bunch as professional athletes were upset by that, presumably because they didn’t like being grouped in with men who make light of sexual assault. The fact that you’ve heard that kind of statement and it’s familiar to you does not make it okay.



You might expect those kind of justifications from men. When men talk about how every man should be worried, well, that is true of those men who have also committed actions that seem close to attempted rape. Indeed, they should be worried.

But these women appear to be engaged in a campaign to make the world worse for themselves. It’s deeply counterintuitive. It’s like seeing someone get punched and shouting, “this is fine, because I have experienced harder punches.”

That’s not productive. Just make the person who is punching people stop. If you, yourself, or people you know have also been punched, it makes sense to want it to stop more than the average person would.

"Women brought up with very traditional values have learned to tolerate a great deal of bad behavior from men."

That said, a lot of women brought up with very traditional values have learned to tolerate a great deal of bad behavior from men. In part, that’s because they’re told to see themselves as existing in relation to men—they’re a wife, or mother, or daughter before they’re simply “a human being worthy of respect.”

If the way you have worth amidst a group is to exist in relation to a man, then one way you can ensure that you are well liked by men is to set your expectations of male behavior so low they’re essentially non-existent. A man commits adultery? No big deal. He brags about sexual assault? That’s fine. Maybe it’s even something you say you’re into, like the woman who defended Trump’s comments about sexual assault by saying, “Okay, No. 1, I think that’d be great. I like getting groped!”

Doing so indicates that men (the really important people in the world) can totally come hang out with you, because you’re fun. You’re a cool girl. Not like those mean feminists.

But here is the problem with maintaining that line of logic: misogynists turn—even on cool girls.

If a man thinks that most women are crazy, lying bitches but you’re cool, that is not a compliment. It is a warning to stay in line. Your deference and loyalty to them will not protect you. It didn’t protect the women who worked at Fox, who were basically the Republican ideal for womanhood, from Bill O’Reilly. Nor did it protect them from harassment by Roger Ailes. And when those women do speak out, as Gretchen Carlson did, they’re called “man haters” who “need to learn to get along with the boys.”

That era needs to come to a close. Over the course of human history, women have learned to get along with the boys. Now it’s time for them to learn to get along with us. And that will only happen when women of both parties demand decent treatment from men.

Jennifer Wright Jennifer Wright is BAZAAR.com's Political Editor at Large.

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