Live from The PIT Loft, Manhattan NYC

November 15, 2019

Live from New York, it’s Friday niiiiiiiiiiight! I am back in the Big Apple for tonight’s XSW show and it’s damn great to be back at the PIT Loft. XSW is best experienced live (although I do encourage everyone to check out all of their live streamed shows on YouTube or IWTV) and I wasn’t about to miss an opportunity to be in attendance for this month’s show...it’s time for the 15-participant over-the-top-rope gauntlet battle royal known as the FOREVER GAME!





I’ll say this a million times and it always stands true - I have to take a moment before reviewing any XSW match just so I can take a moment to process whatever the hell it is I’ve just seen. Tonight was FULL of that (and I loved it, of course).





Match 1: Cabana Man Dan vs. “The Hot Tamale” Daniel Perez vs. Haiku vs. Kung-Fu Janela (Fatal 4-Way New South Championship Match)

We knew we were all in for a party when the fatal four-way opening match actually turned out to be fatal! Kung-Fu Janela’s deadly skills snapped the neck of Daniel Perez, killing him early in the match and leaving all three competitors to quickly eulogize him (thanks to Haiku) and carry on. But this is XSW, friends! Anyone who dies isn’t guaranteed to stay dead, and we had a surprise appearance from Su Yung herself when she resurrected the once-cold tamale and he made his return to the match. How awesome is it that XSW is able to get such cool guest appearances, by the way? This match ends with Cabana Man Dan and Haiku as the remaining two; Haiku (while blinded by Su Yung’s bloody mist, even) gets a three-count on Dan which - to anyone else - would have meant Haiku got the big-ass New South title, but seeing as Haiku is made in 5-7-5 structure he also requires a 5-7-5 pinfall count. Upon learning this, Dan decided to take advantage of the strange strategy and get the good ol’ 3-count on the blood-blinded poet to retain his title. Good times!





Next we have a word from Boulangerie, ABBS, and Shawn From Michael’s on the Forever Game and who would draw which lucky number, but things got interrupted quickly by Senator Rich Gladhand (and both his bad shoulders) who proceeded to give us all a long-winded explanation of why we should give him money so he can get reelected and his shoulders can feel better. Something like that; he was showing PowerPoint slides and laying it all out but I ain’t giving a dime. As for Senator Glandhand I proudly shrug with both my (good) shoulders and say “WELP!”





Match 2: Dr. Rod Diamondfire vs. Haqqqch (sic)/Drama Bat/Skullface/Glowtimate Warrior

Rod’s got his new teeth in and now all he can talk about is having better and more serious competition. He got it in four different phases tonight as he took on Haccshhh (sic) the Kabuki Warrior who was full of exposition about who exactly he was. Dr. Diamondfire wasn’t having this and unmasked Hakkkkccch (sp?) to reveal a second mask and persona, which was Drama Bat. Drama Bat then went on in great descriptive detail about his back story, which didn’t please Rod much, so he unmasks the guy AGAIN and reveals a skull mask underneath. Not much story to this mask, though, it’s just a skull with a face. However, it’s good enough competition this time and Rod starts the fight. Since the skull is so hard and painful when punched, Rod gets outmatched pretty easily with this mask. So he unmasks his opponent ONE MORE TIME to reveal...face paint! It’s the Glowtimate Warrior, but by this time Diamondfire is so frustrated that he takes it all out on the Glowtimate one, getting the win after putting him in a submission hold. Rod can’t complain about much now, though. He got the competition he was looking for and even got to face four opponents in one match, after all!





Match 3: The Forever Game (15 participant, over-the-top-rope gauntlet battle royal)

Ok now...I’ve been to XSW live shows as well as seen their past shows online...NOTHING could have prepared me for this level of absolute WILD. You name it and it likely happened in the Forever Game (which is a name I already like better than the Royal Rumble). There’s no way I could cover everything that took place here and make it all make sense, so your best bet is to see this one for yourself on IWTV.live. I will say this, though...if you’re looking for quality family drama, father-son issues being resolved, proteges turning on their mentors, power-hungry bosses trying to dictate the outcome, Catholic schoolboy fantasies that lead to trouble, a sex appeal showdown with Orange Cassidy, karaoke bonding, a tree getting rolled up into a spliff, a mid-match aerobics workout, and an appearance by Jar Jar Binks in a Sasha Banks blue wig (that’s right, we’ve even got Jar Jar BANKS up in this)...then this whole thing was created with you in mind. And if you’re looking for all that then I’m definitely looking for you, because like-minded souls need each other and all that. I love this too. :)





Forever Game participants in no particular order: Pixiedust, Sister Mary Jane, Douglas Fir, ABBS (Andrew’s Better Body System), Captain Romance, Boulangerie, Orange Cassidy, Mondo Pussi Jr., Cajun Crawdad, Crackers the Luchador Phoenix, Carmen Kardyo, Kerry O’Keye, SataNick, JarJar Banks, Adam Couleheel





Crackers our hard-fighting luchador Phoenix (formerly a parrot but let’s not forget he died and was resurrected) was the second entrant in the Forever Game and came through as the winner! Now it’s Crackers who will be taking on XSW World Champion Johnny Pop in January. The bird wonder finally meets the boy wonder...and I wonder who’s gonna have the title when it’s all said and done?





Match 4: Johnny Fuckin’ Pop vs. Phil M. (XSW World Championship match)

It’s now time for the main event and about damn time for our hero Johnny Pop to exact his revenge upon Phil M. for all of the dirty mind games he’s directed poor Johnny into for so long. Good thing Johnny has the confidence of a champion now as he’d need it against such a dictator and a dick of a director. Phil M. stayed with the mind games, too, making poor Johnny repeat “scenes” in this match over and over until it almost seemed like our sweet boy was broken (Although I thank you with all my loving heart for the mid-match shout out, Johnny!). We even got a look at Bad Boy Johnny Pop after Phil tossed a leather jacket on him and transformed him into a cigarette-smoking, rule-breaking delinquent who ran roughshod until he actually ran into a wall. At this point our champ realized he was indeed a good boy, not a bad one, and it was this realization that put Johnny’s confidence over the top and gave him the strength to soundly defeat Phil M., thus retaining his championship title! Our show ends with the XSW locker room coming out to celebrate with our wholesome champion...proof positive that a wrestling promotion DOES work well with a PG-oriented top guy!





Post-Show Thoughts

I can say with true honesty that XSW is a promotion best enjoyed live because of its fan interaction. It’s always a great time whenever I get to be in NYC for a show, and the crowd tonight was HUGE. If you were watching the live stream on IWTV.live I hope that energy carried over well on the air. Also I’d like to say to the two drunks who showed up and wanted to chant ‘FUCK YOUR SHOULDER’ at everybody after Senator Gladhand’s bit early in the show...you’re awkward. Awkward doesn’t even stand out at an XSW show, though, which makes me feel pretty good. It was great to be there live for XSW’s final show of the year at the PIT Loft; can’t wait what to see what 2020 will bring when they’re back there again in January!