While touring Washington, D.C., I saw a wrinkly old geezer with frizzy hair and thick glasses leaving a posh nightclub for the wealthiest of the wealthy. While getting into a limo, a note fell out of his pants pocket.

It was an encrypted message. Surprisingly, my vintage Little Orphan Annie decoder ring could decipher it. This correspondence from someone calling himself Maximum Leader Rosso began:

Your last note questioned the wisdom of Open Mankind Foundation Governance doing everything inhumanly possible to overrun Europe with Muslims—particularly ones least inclined to assimilate and become productive citizens. Obviously it’s imperative that we make Europeans strangers in their own homelands, import a violent underclass we can mobilize as needed, and eventually fulfill the Coudenhove-Kalergi Plan. However, you fear we’re shooting ourselves in the foot, threatening our entire power structure in Europe. Rest assured, this is merely one of OMFG’s classic pincer strategies. Radical Islam won’t become a serious threat; OMFG also intends to neuter the Middle East. We’re building up Muslims to knock them down. I’ve mentioned this briefly before; here are the details.

Whew! I figured I was onto something big. Here are some highlights of the long-winded text.

Women

Muslims obviously have some rather provincial attitudes about their ladies. Fortunately, our own useful idiots in the West have paid little attention, even though they’re paying with their lives! As for Arab women, we certainly don’t give a damn about them, but there’s a huge opportunity to create discord and weaponize it. OMFG will divide society in two and stab those bastards right in the heart.

Say it like you mean it!

Should we merely convince Middle Easterners to stop doing acid attacks, quit cutting off clits, forbid husbands from beating their wives, that sort of thing? Certainly not! After they acquiesce to reasonable demands, we’ll keep pushing ad infinitum. We’ll choose the bitterest and craziest bints for our figureheads. Then we’ll convince normal Muslim women that these hags speak for them and are working in their best interests. Meanwhile, the men will be endlessly browbeaten.

It’s heart-warming that Rosso is so enlightened.

Gays

This one will be faboo.

There’s a large covert homosexual underground in the Arab world, despite the extreme penalty for getting caught. Polygamy makes it difficult for average young men to find wives. Even straight guys are turning into part-time faggots. (No offense meant to you, of course! It helps that our Arab cousins are a little pervy like we are.) This is a huge opportunity for OMFG. Even stupid Bible thumpers in Flyover Country can see that throwing gays off of buildings is a little extreme. OMFG’s bathhouse front will start by seeming reasonable, but have hidden agendas. We intend much more than simply leaving people alone to do in private whatever twists their nipples. After society accedes to reasonable demands, we’ll push much further. Loading...

I can hardly wait for the Oscars parties!

Tolerance is merely the first step, followed by celebration, then mandatory acceptance of the agenda. The first gay pride parades in Riyadh, Medina, and Mecca itself will be a huge milestone. The next is when liwat is taught in schools as an alternative lifestyle choice. Another biggie is allowing Adam and Istifanus to get married.

Trannies

Everyone leading OMFG is well aware that transsexuals either are biological aberrations, or (more commonly) suffer mental delusions. However, the useful idiots doing all the work for us are poised to use these freaks for the next human rights crusade in the Middle East.

It’s getting fruitier yet!

Will we convince Muslims that trannies are just a little different and deserve tolerance and compassion? Ha—that’s merely the beginning! We’ll make society cater to them, new laws will force people to use those weird pronouns, Persian dudes will be in the women’s bathrooms, and we’ll even use the schools to try to convince little boys that they’re actually girls. We’ll also gradually erase the distinctions between the sexes. Arabs are getting pretty chubby already from all the new junk food. Soon, the residues of agribusiness pesticides and plastic congealers will lower the testosterone levels in the men and make them androgynous. Meanwhile, women from Morocco to Pakistan will be encouraged to start looking and acting like lumberjacks.

Some other agendas

Slavery has featured prominently in Islam, even long after it was abolished in the Western world and eventually elsewhere. We’ll make Muslims wallow in guilt about their historical misdeeds. That’s effective even for those whose families had nothing to do with it. While we’re at it, we’ll browbeat them about past imperialism too, even though the Islamic Caliphate was building an empire just like most other major superpowers have done. Although OMFG intends to reduce the world to serfdom, hypocrisy certainly is no barrier to us!

I’m so glad to know Rosso really cares.

The Middle East doesn’t have many descendants of slaves, because they were castrated upon arrival. However, OMFG can flood the place with tens of millions of migrants that have a grudge with them. We’ll use universalist scriptures in the Quran selectively to promote all this, and browbeat anyone who doesn’t want their countries invaded. The more diverse we make the Middle East, the easier it is for us to operate unnoticed. Earlier you expressed doubt about disarming the militias that OMFG has propped up to keep them destabilized. However, they’re not our target at all. Neglecting crime to justify repression works wonders! The more trouble they cause, the easier it will be to sell the Middle Eastern public on gun control. The common citizens will hand over their weapons, and accept police state “security” measures too, convinced that all this is for their safety.

I’m beginning to doubt Rosso’s good intentions.

Other measures to make the Arabs become docile will include silly distractions like video games, sports, and so forth. Bread and circuses, my friend! Finally, it’s imperative to make them lose confidence in their religion. It’ll take a while, but constant mockery and removing official support will help.

How they’ll accomplish this

The last part of the letter is badly stained, because the old geezer’s adult diaper had leaked. I got bits and pieces of things like subverting their education system, taking over the Boards of Directors of Al Jazeera and other Arabic media outlets, bombarding them with constant propaganda in movies and television, and instituting thought control laws.

The letter’s last sentence is fully legible:

Don’t doubt that all this will work; it certainly has before.

Gosh, what could Rosso mean by that?

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