An earlier version of this article originally appeared on this site on November 21, 2012.

Cooking with Pokemon

As we discussed when we wrote about The Top 7 Most disturbing things about the Pokemon universe, the humans of Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Unova all eat Pokemon. All the time. Like, literally every day.

Which got us thinking... what do the Pokemon taste like? We have to imagine that it would be linked to their names, their looks, their elemental types, or something, right? So, in honor of the release of the newest Pokemon (which you can read about in our Pokemon X and Y review), we got to brainstorming, and pulled together a list of what we think the original 151 Pokemon would taste like, if only we were able to eat them. Bon apptit!

Bulbasaur (#01)

Brussels sprouts.

Ivysaur (#02)

Bok choy.

Venusaur (#03)

Red cabbage.

Charmander (#04)

Red bell pepper.

Charmeleon (#05)

Jalapeno pepper.

Charizard (#06)

Pure capsaicin, poured over your tongue as you're tied to a chair, begging for your life. After a few moments the burning turns to absolute joy as your eyes roll into the back of your head in a weird combination of glee and horror. You wake up in your bed--several days have passed--and you don't know if it was all a dream, or if you just ate a Charizard.

Squirtle (#07)

Turtle soup with a light, salty broth.

Wartortle (#08)

Turtle soup, but... with like... some feathers shoved in it. Those are feathers, right?

Blastoise (#09)

Putting your mouth up to a fire hydrant.