I was watching a top political consultant on TV the other day. His head sported two tufts of over-achieving dryer lint above each ear, loosely connected by a few desperate strands across his bald-pated tundra. It looked like the top part of a bad Halloween mask. His job is to advise future presidents of the United States while being unaware of what’s happening atop his own head.

This leads me to the story of presidential hopeful John Edwards and his $400 haircut. In the interest of equal time, let’s throw in Mitt Romney’s recently reported $300 haircut. Apparently the reason these haircuts are “news” is that rich men might be out of touch with the common person’s issues.

I have a different take.

First, you can’t complain about $400 haircuts and also complain that the rich don’t pay enough taxes. The people who cut hair and mow lawns have taken matters into their own hands. Something tells me that when Mitt Romney buys a cup of coffee and a doughnut at the local diner, it costs him $900.

Second, what’s wrong with being out of touch with the common person’s issues? If our president had all the problems the common people do, he’d be so busy itching and crying that he’d have no time to run the country. All things being equal, I prefer a president who has read an article about leprosy but doesn’t have it.

Third, anyone who can’t afford a $400 haircut doesn’t get my vote. While it’s theoretically possible that the guy working the French fry station at Burger World would make the best president ever, it’s not a chance I’m willing to take. That guy has a lot of explaining to do. No, I want a president who is so rich he can pay $400 for a haircut and pay another $300 to the pedicurist to fluff him while he’s there. I want a president who knows how to make money and isn’t afraid to use it.

Fourth, any candidate that doesn’t understand the importance of good hair is too dumb to lead the country. Just because Fred Thompson can pay $8 to get his head Turtle Waxed, that doesn’t make him presidential material. The men and women of this country have just two questions of our potential leaders:

Men: “Would I want to be him?”

Women: “Would I do him?”

A good head of hair goes a long way toward answering both of those questions.