How Does Music Help You Process Your Emotions? — A Discussion with Stephen Mohith Subbarao Follow Dec 5, 2019 · Unlisted

Mohith: I wanted to talk to you about emotions and I guess emotional processing with music. We are both people who definitely experience our emotions to the fullest and I know something we have in common is listening to music to process those emotions.

Like I definitely remember semesters when Daniel Caesar and Rex Orange County were on your repeats. I’ve had Frank Ocean on repeat during certain semesters. And we both listened to a lot of [2016’s] Coloring Book [by Chance The Rapper] when we were backpacking in Europe.

Coloring Book by Chance The Rapper

Do you feel like you consciously use music to process emotions? Or does that kind of just happen for you naturally through your day-to-day listening to music?

Stephen: Let me think about that.

Hmm. For some reason that’s really tough for me to answer. I think music finds a variety of creative ways to enter my life. For me, I would say music doesn’t really help me process emotions. After I listen to a song, I don’t go from ‘Point A’ to ‘Point B’. But rather, I think it really helps me feel my emotions [and] makes me realize what point I am at.

Like wow, I’m at Point A.

Mohith: It helps you experience Point A in all its pointedness.

Stephen: Exactly.

Mohith: Huh, that’s super interesting. That’s making me think too. I’m actually now trying to wonder what’s the difference between processing versus feeling your emotions. I actually think I’m someone who has a habit of analyzing or talking through their emotions rather than sitting and feeling it.

Maybe in that sense music helps me feel those emotions too, which is why listening to music can be so overwhelming and even ineffable sometimes. Because you’re just there taking all of life in.

Stephen: Definitely. I think with ‘processing’ something, there is this expectation that you go from one step to the next. You exit with something net new or different. I like music because it never stresses me out. It allows me to feel the way I want.

Mohith: Wow, I love that.

Stephen: I don’t have to process anything. I don’t have to think or analyze. I just listen and feel.

Mohith: Yeah I don’t think music has ever stressed me out either. When I analyze music it’s usually just for the joy of understanding the lyrics or production but not necessarily to get to a place. Usually I end up just listening to music that’s matching how I’m already feeling.

In a way though, for me, I feel like the process of just feeling those emotions ends up letting me process it. Like sometimes I do end up better understanding how I’m feeling by listening to a song about sadness or about motivation/inspiration or about existentialism. Because it can be so hard to articulate those emotions.

I hear a lyric or just feel a production and I actually do better understand how I’m feeling, which leads to better self awareness. So I guess I do end up processing my emotions? Even though the goal is just to feel.

Stephen: Yeah and I don’t want to nit pick or focus too much on the nuances between the meaning of ‘processing’ and ‘feeling’. But I guess basically to answer your first question: I think music always finds its way to me.

Mohith: I think the nuances of ‘feeling’ versus ‘processing’ is pretty fascinating and something I’m actually thinking about now.

Stephen: I think the perfect thing about music is that it can be whatever you want it to be for you.

Mohith: Yeah that’s really true. I look back on songs and albums that helped me process certain emotions. But when I went into listening to the songs it was just to feel.

Also different songs serve different purposes. I never consciously decide to listen to more melancholy music or more inspirational music. I just sort of find myself listening the music I’m naturally gravitating to.

Stephen: Yeah I definitely agree.

Mohith: In a way you can kind of see where your life is at by what music is “finding you”. Not in a better or worse way, but just what emotions you’ve been feeling.

Stephen: Like now, I just don’t really have an urge to listen to Daniel Caesar or Rex Orange County or Frank Ocean anymore. Even though they’re some of my favorites.

Mohith: Yeah. Odd question, but do you feel good when you’re not listening to those artists? Because those three are melancholy in nature. So one interpretation is that you’re in a better place by not listening to that music. But I don’t know if that’s true because it’s not like melancholy is inherently bad.

Being honest, sometimes I feel like I’ve failed a bit when I find myself wanting to listen to sad music like Brockhampton, especially after a period of listening to inspirational songs from say J. Cole or Big Sean. But I realize that’s not a healthy way to judge myself.

But sometimes music can be a bit self loathing. Like it’s easy to sink into sad music too much when you’re in a negative spot.

Curious of your thoughts? That was a bit of stream of consciousness on my part.

Stephen: I don’t think I was trying to feel more sad when I listen to sad music, or trying to feel happier when I listen to happy music. I think music just makes me feel more in general.

And from my experience, when I’m in a sad place in my life, I typically find it harder to feel, let alone feel happy or grateful. But I think music always presents an avenue for you to indulge in your present emotion and state of mind. I listened to sad music because it made me actually feel something, even if that emotion was deeper sadness. Likewise, when I am in a happy long-term mood, I listen to happy music because it makes me feel. The emotion I feel is interchangeable.

That being said, I do think there are some deep rabbit holes you can experience with music. Music is one of the best forms of validation. And sometimes that isn't always the best case.

Mohith: The rabbit holes are real.

But to be honest, I think I feel those rabbit holes very rarely where I’m actually like, “Oh, I should stop listening to this type of music and listen to a different mood”.

In general, everything you just said rings really true. Life has so much stimuli and evokes so many thoughts, emotions, and experiences that it can be hard to just feel and process especially when you’re in a fast-paced environment. I think music has not just allowed me to feel my emotions, but just feel life. [I can] appreciate and be connected with life so much more because music allows me to feel so much more. The happiness, sadness, questions, inspirations, love, heartbreak, nostalgia, everything. Not to mention all the songs that make you just think and reflect about life more — from all of society to the individual human experience.

I think it’d be harder for me to engage in the beauty and complexity of life without music to allow me to just feel and process it all.

Like do you ever wonder how’d you be with your emotions without music? I think I’d go a bit crazy personally.

Stephen: I think music is just like language.

Mohith: Damn. That’s deep.

Stephen: Without it, it would be extremely difficult to communicate.

Mohith: Wow, yeah I can relate to that.

Interesting thought: everyone needs language in some way, but there are a lot of people who are fine and dandy without listening to much music.

I don’t even know if there’s an answer here, but what do you think makes people like me and you so connected with music that we see it as a language?

Stephen: Hmmm. I have no idea.

Mohith: I couldn’t think of an answer either.

Stephen: But I think what makes it special is that it’s one of the few, if not the only art forms that you don’t have to see.

Mohith: Yeah that’s really true. It’s so visceral in that way.

I think I’m just very happy that for whatever reason my brain and experiences brought me to music.

Because it really is like a soundtrack to life. And I think we all need a bit of a soundtrack.

Stephen: No doubt.