The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in the past has defined certain sexual fantasies (like domination and submission) as paraphilic disorders. Many, like Jillian Keenan of Slate, feel that this classification has stigmatized those behaviors and desires, just as homosexuality was stigmatized by being listed as a mental disorder in the DSM until 1973. Christian Joyal, the lead study author and professor of psychology at The Université du Québec à Trois-Rivières, says “Of course, the APA doesn’t say on which grounds it labels some sex fantasies as disorders and others not. So, for the sake of stopping stigmatization and judgment, we were looking for some norms.”

The study found that one of the most common sexual fantasies, after the five “typical” ones, is submission, with approximately 65 percent of women and 53 percent of men fantasizing about being submissive. More men than women fantasized about dominating their partners. Still, there remains a distinction between fantasy and reality. Of the women who fantasized about being dominated, half said that they wouldn’t want to actually be dominated in real life. Reading 50 Shades of Grey, for example, could be an outlet to imagine these fantasies without acting on them.

The separation of fantasy and reality also comes into play with one of the most common fantasies in the study: having sex with someone other than a current spouse or partner. Fifty-six percent of women and 83 percent of men had this fantasy. Dr. David Schnarch, a clinical psychologist who specializes in sex and marital therapy, says that this is quite common and not something people will necessarily act on. “We humans are sexually gregarious animals that also value pair-bonding. Sexual fantasies provide mental variety without violating the boundaries of monogamy—at least to most mature adults,” he says.

And this survey shows that it’s common for people’s mental variety to encompass a wide range of scenarios and situations, whether they act on them or not.

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