Man who built his career around lies and betrayal shocked to find out people aren’t loyal

Boris Johnson, a mop-headed bag of swamp gas that is currently squatting Downing Street, is struggling to understand why people are undermining him and working against him even though he has done the same and worse to anyone foolish enough to trust him.

Simone Williams, Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Croydon, explained that Mr Johnson’s bewilderment was a fascinating case study of what happens when an entitled chancer is forced to confront reality.

She explained, “It’s actually very interesting. Because he doesn’t see other people as things that matter, like cocaine or being on telly, he can’t understand why they treat him the same way he did his bosses or his spouses.

“He has always hidden behind a more powerful person who saw him as the kind of chap that the club should keep around for laughs. But now he’s at the top of the chain and, because he’s never seen people beneath him as worth cultivating, he is getting exactly what he deserves. So he’s having a bit of a meltdown.

“Frankly, It’s odd he’s facing this so late in life. Most people like him have an awakening of sorts when their parents explain that Nanny would rather spend Christmas with her own children.”

Professor Williams was asked to profile Boris Johnson’s key adviser but she refused to get drawn in.

“I blame TV for this. Because he screams at young women and dresses like a maths teacher going through a bad divorce, people assume Dominic Cummings is some sort of sociopathic genius.

“He’s just an obnoxious cunt.”