PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley. “I tried to cast my vote as quickly and quietly as possible, but then someone handed me a microphone and told me to speak up—God, it was humiliating,” said Shiefke, adding that in retrospect, he probably should have just skipped day two of the convention to avoid the embarrassment of having to utter the words “I vote for Martin O’Malley” in front of 4,700 other delegates and superdelegates. “Sure, I still think he’d make a great leader, though frankly I’m starting to wonder what the hell I was thinking by committing to vote for him so long ago, before everything played out. Boy, I must have sounded like a total dipshit.” Sources confirmed that Shiefke kept his head down and tried not to make eye contact with anyone else on the convention floor moments later when the entire delegation from Maryland, O’Malley’s home state where he served as a mayor and governor for 15 years, didn’t cast a single vote for the presidential hopeful.

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