Maria Montessori said, “the greatest sign of success for a teacher…is to be able to say, ‘The children are now working as if I did not exist'”. This concept can deliver a pretty profound blow to the adults ego, especially when considering the atmosphere of a traditional childcare center.

The entire structure of Montessori pedagogy and philosophy is to provide the child with an environment that appropriately stimulates their senses. It’s one of the main reasons toys with batteries are prohibited, works are isolated by sensorial functions as individual concepts, and screen time is widely frowned upon. The attention of the child is a very sensitive creature. Their absorbent mind is thirsty for experiences and while they are satisfying that need for knowledge they’re simultaneously building the foundation of their being. This is the main reason a Montessori classroom is fashioned in a minimalistic, beautiful, orderly, soft toned, clean space with bright lights and an open floor plan. Items which are bright pull away from the purpose of their work and become a distraction. Spaces which are cluttered and close together overwhelm the child and shatters their capricious attention spans into an unruly focus. When things are beautiful and fragile we become better aware of the care they need and our inner desire to preserve and respect them. When things are quiet and peaceful, we internally adjust to conform.

Letting go of our expectations to make room for new ones takes conscious thought and effort. It requires letting go of cultural norms, pride, preconceived images, and taking the time to understand why someone has the expectations they do.

“If education is always to be conceived along the same antiquated lines of a mere transmission of knowledge, there is little to be hoped from it in the bettering of man’s future. For what is the use of transmitting knowledge if the individual’s total development lags behind?” – Maria Montessori

To be in a Montessori school means you are not just getting scholastic education but education for life. This is polar difference from traditional schools. I typically compare the pedagogy models as “survive” vs. “thrive”. The pedagogy of each place is critical. The paradigms of “I’m here to make sure they don’t choke and learn the alphabet” is much different than “I’m here to make sure they turn into amazing human beings and can write in cursive.” As a Montessori teacher, I find it a great personal insult when my work is referred to as a “day care” or reduced to a simple “child care center”. So much meticulous care is placed in the environment and is not only rotated once the children of that particular class outgrow them but every minute of the day they are routinely checked for order and perfection.

The greatest development occurs during the first years of life, so great care must be taken in the classroom to support and enhance all sensitive periods of development. While this includes language, fine and gross motor, etc, parents frequently forget one of the main advantage points of Montessori pedagogy–grace and courtesy.

Just as we meticulously place works on the shelves, we are in meticulous control of ourselves. To be a Montessori Guide or assistant is to be the Expectation of humanity. This sounds pretty egotistical I’m sure–but remember, your child’s mind is exceptionally absorbent and whether you want it to or not they are picking up and internalizing each and every single little thing. That F Bomb you thought they were out of ear shot from, the inflection with which you yell at the dog, the way you dip a chip, I mean really, you name it.

We are to be the model of poise and perfection; slow graceful movements, clean attire, purposeful presentation, hygienic appeal, soft whispering voices, real language, and constantly doing everything as we want the child to do.

Straight up, if your classroom is not normalized and you’re working without a sweat you’re doing it wrong.

Each teacher must be alert, observant, quiet, focused, and have the experience to anticipate a child’s mind. A child must be redirected or corrected if they’re doing something incorrectly or inappropriate before they have an opportunity to make it. We do not holler across the classroom, but we must gracefully glide as quietly as possible and bend to their height and whisper a suggestion or correction. I could go on, but that would be excessive.

So with that in mind, I’d like to present to you a list of etiquette expectations when entering a Montessori environment. Take note, that these are things that your teachers do all day and are constantly modeling for the children in the environment to practice. Failure to adhere to this completely contradicts all their hard work, disrupts the classroom, and takes away from the child.

Ten Etiquette Expectations To Keep In Mind When Entering A Montessori Environment

Ask the teacher what the best method for pick up/drop off time is. If the child is particularly reactive when seeing their parents. I’ve worked in schools where parents must wait outside the door before being greeted by the child or teacher. I’ve even worked in schools where parents were to wait in their car and an assistant walks the child and their belongings out to it. In my classroom, I ask that parents stay at the door and wait patiently. Children should walk in and walk out of the classroom if they are physically capable. They should independently put their items away as well, so truly, only a quick goodbye is necessary. Never interrupt a work cycle. Most classrooms in centers will have observation windows. Take a peek. If your child is in the middle of a work, give them a second to finish it up. Catch them on a transition of putting something away to pop in and collect them. If you’re in a hurry, make eye contact with a teacher so they may appropriately help the child transition in a way that positively supports their work ethic. Hands behind your back while walking through the classroom. Walk slowly. Whisper-Volume in the classroom. I come from a culturally large ethnic family. Maria Montessori was Italian. You can whisper. I promise. Walk over to a teacher if you have a question and ask them face to face, rather than shouting from across the room. Encourage your child to finish and check their surroundings prior to leaving. Often, this involves having them put a work back on the shelf, push in their chair, get their belongings etc. I like my children to shake my hand or say farewell and thank them for their work that day. Try to be on time. Respect the morning and afternoon work cycles. A Montessori school is not a drop in day care center. Random drop offs are hard not only for your child but the classroom energy as well. Email the teacher if you have any questions about your child’s day or progress if not instigated by the teacher. So much attention and focus must be given to the child that even a seemingly ‘quick’ conversation is inappropriate.

These concepts are so ingrained into not just my professional life but my personal life as well that I can literally be found walking through my house or grocery store with my hands behind my back. I typically am quite loud at home and can be heard hollering across the house but now that we have a one year old our habits necessitate a closer look. Charlotte has already learned that when our Pomeranian Kiki is in the crate and barking, that we walk down the hall and yell KIKI!! to get her to stop. Seriously. My kid is almost 13 months old and she can already mimic the exact vocal inflection I have when yelling at the dog. When I speak in a whispering voice, she copies that as well. She copies my laughs, the way I dip a chip, the way I shake my head, and just now she copied her father by lugging a gigantic adult sized broom to a pile of crumbled gold fish and tapping it there when he went to get the dustpan.

The work we do in the classroom is real. It is intense, intricate, and important. On behalf of all Montessori teachers and assistants, I thank you for your support.