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David Cameron has promised to head a new inquiry into tax evasion, starting tomorrow or maybe the day after, at the latest in the next week or so.

The Prime Minister it’s thought will be leading a team of investigators comprising wealthy front benchers, a few banker friends and a number of chums from Eton. He has assured critics that whatever has or hasn’t been going on, he will jolly well get to the bottom of it.

“The fact that my Father’s business interests have been mentioned in the Panama papers and the fact that I might conceivably have inherited those interests means that I am more shocked about it than anyone else and I’m certainly going to submit myself to a very firm line of questioning.

“But I can tell you right now that I have no offshore funds in my name at all. Though my accountant might tell you something different. If details of any offshore funds mysteriously turn up in the names of my children, my mother or the dog, then that is an entirely private matter.”

The Government are understood to be taking allegations regarding British owned tax havens very seriously, with many MPs, bankers and other members of Britain’s wealthy elite making very hasty trips to the British Virgin Islands just to check everything is above board.

Mr Cameron’s inquiry is set to begin once the Chilcott inquiry ends. “You can only have one inquiry at a time you see.” He explained.