New Christian Dating App Just Matches Every Girl With Jesus

U.S.—A new, redeveloped version of Tinder for Christians now will just match every single female user with Jesus.

Women using the app will be presented with various potential matches, but the service’s programming won’t allow them to match with anyone except Christ.

“More Christian women just need to spend a few months or years dating Jesus until they’re ready for a real, solid courtship,” said one executive at the app developer. “That’s why our app will only ever offer young women the opportunity to date Christ and find their identity in Him.”

Once women have dated Jesus for a sufficient period of time, as determined by the app’s spiritual character detector, they will be allowed to meet a potential mate for a period of courting before marriage.

Men will be matched with a local business in order to get a steady job until they are ready for the responsibility of leading a family.

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