I have written about how I had to unlearn ableism.

I have written about my uncooperative body.

I always state how generally happy I am, and that I am comfortable being me.

All this is true but frustration shows up, and grows, every time I meet ableism.

I meet ableism a lot.

Ableism brought forth by pity. Pity directed at me by people who seem to believe I am “trapped” inside my body, that I suffer, or that my life is so hard, they can’t understand how I can even have goals and aspirations.

Pity because I need help with things most people don’t need help with, and because the way I might present myself to them, at that moment, may not match the things I write.

I might not look like their expectation of me.

(Note: I welcome kindness from people who try to help me, people who try to find accommodations when none is readily available. Kindness is possible without pity)

My body is a little tricky.

It spins when I feel happy.

It also spins when I feel overwhelmed.

I may smile and laugh because I am happy.

Or it may be another seizure signaling its arrival.

Sometimes I am elated but my face refuses to match the sentiment.

When I meet people, I usually need some quiet space, some extra time to engage, type and enjoy the connection.

If I am recovering from a seizure, if I am in pain, I might look helpless, or unreachable.

I am not trapped.

I am not unreachable.

I am present, in the moment, and I am doing my best to connect.

Don’t pity me.

My body can be frustrating, but it is all mine, I own it.

Don’t pity me.

My reactions might seem odd, but my brain still absorbs information.

Don’t pity me.

Maybe I am not able to fully engage with you at that moment but I want to connect.

When I meet new people, I try not to have expectations but I hope for awesome.

Don’t pity me. Be awesome.

Ableism brought forth by pity is frustrating. It gets in the way of possibilities.

It also awakens my own internalized ableism that I try to keep buried in darkness.

Then I have to use my energy to keep that internalized ableism at bay, instead of using the energy to be my best awesome for you.

Don’t pity me. Let’s be awesome.

Now, if your ableism is due to your assumptions about me, and your dismissal of my worthiness, awesome can never happen and I don’t have time for you.

Ableism – discrimination against disabled people, often unconscious/implicit

Internalized ableism – disabled people buy into these ableist beliefs too because they are insidious and ingrained into society, and they hate/feel badly about themselves because they think that they should.