According to a recent leak involving The Rise of Skywalker, C-3PO will be instrumental in spreading the legend of Luke Skywalker throughout the galaxy. But what kinds of things will ol’ Goldenrod be sharing? Heroic deeds for sure, as one would expect. However, one of our sources claims C-3PO doesn’t filter anything. At All. So we’re in for some epic oversharing that will make Master Skywalker blush — if Force ghosts are even capable. Without further ado, here are the Top 10 Things C-3PO Reveals About Luke Skywalker In Episode IX.

For those unable to view the 8K image above, here it is in plain text:

Top 10 Things C-3PO Reveals About Luke Skywalker In Episode IX

10. Jake Skywalker is older by 2 minutes

09. Crushed on Lando for over 30 years

08. Secretly performed as “Slave Luke” in the Outer Rim

07. Was really going to Toschii station for death sticks

06. Haunted by liquid dreams of Mon Mothma well into his 50s

05. Killed a youngling “by accident” 6 times

04. Born with four testicles which have yet to fully descend

03. Relocated to Ahch-To for a pair of Thala-siren sisters

02. Fake beard was made of authentic Wookiee fur

01. He always voted for Palpatine

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—William “Willybobo” Bobo