Chapter 19:

Today I wanted to spend the whole day with Anna and maybe tell her about my dream from last night. And yet here I am; alone in the library. Why? Because Anna had to go welcome some foreign dignitary and refused to let me accompany her, arguing that I looked like I might pass out from exhaustion at any moment. She looked the same, but of course I can't force the Queen to stay in the castle against her will.

Stupid meeting, it really drained our energy. I hope it was worth the effort though.

But anyways, now that I have a few free hours on my hands, I decided I deserved some rest and came here to the library (thankfully this time without having to endure Kristoff's constant supervision, as he was required to accompany Anna), and maybe read a novel, or something like that. Nothing strenuous or thought-demanding.

But the problem is… I can't concentrate on anything. I read one phrase and forget it the next second, having to go over it again ten times before moving on to the next. Why? Because I can't stop thinking about my dream from last night.

By the looks of it, I'd say I probably did start (or at least played a big part in) the rebellion that resulted in the liberation of the Northern Lands, since apparently I already thought that was the best way to go. Unlike Hans and his extremist friends, who preferred to invade Arendelle.

I can't say I really blame them though; most of them had probably lived in the Northern Lands far longer than I, and suffered countless atrocities at the hands of Arendellians even before being exiled. But then again, I still stand firm on what I thought back then; murdering innocent people isn't the solution. Yet I do get why this can be rather difficult to understand.

Violence leads to pain, and pain leads to hate. Hate leads to more violence. And hate is a very powerful emotion. Almost as strong as love, I'd even say. And no one knows better than me how difficult is to control emotions, instead of letting them control you.

Which reminds me… the issue about my powers. So, I was born with them. Great. I must really be the most powerful ice-wielder alive. As if I needed even more proof that I'm the Ice Queen.

But I shouldn't worry about that. I can't do anything about it, can I? And just thinking about how much power I really have makes me more than a little dizzy. I should focus on something less scary. Something that makes me feel good. And it probably should be something related to my past, if I want to keep learning about myself, but what?

Oh, I know! Helen. Helen, who apparently was my best friend ever since I saved her life. Hans' younger sister. Helen… who I might have loved? Deeply loved. As in… romantically?

Or maybe she was just my best friend, who knows? But I'd sure like to find out.

I try concentrating on my last memory of her, and see if I can remember more. I concentrate on her round and freckled face, on her cute perky nose and her bright green eyes. I try to feel again like I'm with her, seeing her hair, done in a horsetail, agitate with the cold wind of the mountains. Enjoying her company, trying to decipher exactly what I feel for her.

Soon, a new memory pops in my mind.

I'm laughing, feeling like the luckiest woman in the world, as I have breakfast with Helen. I'm telling her about my trip to the coastal village, and how I got scared when one of the fishermen offered me a fish as a gift, only for it to start flopping around when I held it. She says she doesn't believe me, since I'm always so graceful and composed, when I narrate how I screamed and fell in my butt, with the fish landing on my lap, continuing to scare me.

I assure her it's true, and she laughs even harder, having to hold onto the icy table in order not to fall. I love making her laugh like that. She deserves it, after all the hardship she's been through. And after being so supportive with me all this time, even though I've been like a whiny baby as of late.

"I'll go with you next time." She says when she calms down enough to speak, though she's still giggling a bit. "I promise."

"I bet you only want to see me embarrass myself again." I say, blushing at the thought of her seeing me in such a situation.

"No! Of course not." She quickly assures me, placing her hand over mine. "You know I love spending time with you. I'd be your shadow if I could!"

"I know." I answer chuckling, finding quite endearing that she won't even let me joke about her reasons to be with me.

Then, we fall silent as we enjoy our food. It's nothing too fancy, sure, but at least it's nutritious, unlike what we used to eat. Some salmon that I brought from my trip, bread and tea. It tastes amazing though; Bulda has always been a good cook.

Suddenly, Helen gets up, having finished her plate, and speaks to me.

"Today I'll go check on Hans." She informs me. "He hasn't come home in a few days, and I worry he's overworking himself."

"Very well." I answer sighing. After all, even I can't keep her from seeing her brother, and I'd also like to know if he's okay. "Just… don't stay too long. You know how dangerous it can be at the mines. And I don't like the way some of the men stare at you."

"You worry too much." She answers rolling her eyes. "But fear not; I only plan on visiting him for about an hour or so. Then I'll come back and likely help Bulda in the kitchen. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, that's alright." I say somewhat relieved, but still wishing I could accompany her. Unfortunately, today I have other duties. "Just don't leave Hans' side and nothing should happen to you."

"Yes, I know." She smiles reassuringly before leaning towards me and placing a kiss on my cheek. My poor heart seems to stop for a moment and I can't help letting out a little squeak of excitement. It happens a lot when I'm with Helen, and it truthfully terrifies me. I keep fearing she'll realize one day what these little reactions mean, and she'll drift away because of it. I just pray she's as innocent and oblivious as she seems.

"Take care." She says happily once she pulls away and turns around to exit the dinning room.

"Y-you too." I answer somewhat nervously after I take a few moments to process her words. This earns a giggle and a little wave with her hand before she exits and disappears from my sight. Then, and only then, I allow myself to let out the dreamy sigh I had been holding ever since she kissed me… without realizing I'm not exactly alone.

"Why don't you tell her?" I hear a voice behind me and almost jump off my chair, turning around startled to stare at Olaf's goofy grin. He must have just come trough the kitchen's door.

"T-t-tell her what?" I ask, though I already know what he meant.

"That you love her." He answers like it's obvious. "She can't read minds, you know? I asked." And judging by his tone, I have to assume he really asked. Though I can't blame him, considering he lives surrounded by people with magic powers.

"Uh… Yes, I know." I answer, a bit uncomfortable and more worried than anything. After all, if Olaf noticed my infatuation, surely Helen will soon. If she hasn't already.

"Then why haven't you told her?" He asks with genuine child-like curiosity. I'd dismiss his question, if I wasn't desperate to talk about this with someone, anyone. So I take the chance.

"I don't think she feels the same way." I admit with a grimace, feeling as tears form in my eyes just at the mention of such possibility.

"What are you talking about? She loves you very much! She'd do anything to please you!" Olaf answers with a very cheerful and optimistic attitude. So much in fact, that it almost looks like his face is split in two by his smile. This, however, doesn't make me feel better.

"I know. And that's what worries me." I answer, to which Olaf tilts his head in confusion. "Even if she doesn't have romantic feelings for me, I'm sure she'd say she does just to please me. That's what she always does. And though normally I don't mind, in this case it would make me question the authenticity of her feelings, which would inevitably damage our relationship." I sigh, this time in distress, before looking again into Olaf's brown eyes. "That's why I can't make the first step. She has to tell me she loves me, or else I'll never be sure."

"Uh…" Olaf looks at me like I just explained to him some complicated war strategy. "What?"

"Forget it." I reply with a sad smile, knowing he'd likely don't understand no matter how many times I explain it to him. He just has his own way of seeing the world. "Just… don't tell anyone. Let me figure this out on my own."

I blink, trying to remember what happened next. But it doesn't matter how hard I shut my eyes, how much effort I put into trying to grasp the memory that's just out of my reach, I can't. I still don't know what kind of relationship I had with Helen. I mean, sure in this memory we were friends, but I did have feelings for her. Maybe I told her and she didn't take it well. Or maybe I didn't and she confessed first. Who knows?

I wish I could get more memories back. I feel like this part of my life was important. Is important, considering even now I have feelings for a woman. I guess these kinds of things don't change even if you have amnesia.

But it's not only that. Helen was very dear to me in many ways. I can feel it deep inside me. She was my best friend, first of all; the only one I trusted enough to talk about my powers, and probably other things. Sure, Hans, Olaf and Marshall were also my friends, but I just don't feel a connection so deep with them in my memories.

But Helen was not only my best friend. She was like a little sister to me, and it's clear I acted protective over her. Maybe even more than Hans did. Yet… maybe some of that protectiveness was originated from my romantic feelings towards her. And jealousy.

But right now I only know how I felt about her, and I'd like to know how she felt about me. Yes, she obviously loved me, worshiped me even. But… was it romantic love? Or did she just look up to me as her sister? I guess I'll have to wait to find out. I just hope I'll get back more memories about her soon enough.

Anna comes back from her trip to the port shortly after the sun sets. She looks exhausted, and when I question her about it she just says she had to go to the market afterwards to buy something. Which is very strange, given her servants buy anything that's necessary in the castle. I can't interrogate her further though, because she says she absolutely needs to bath and change into something more comfortable before she can join me for dinner, and then runs off to her room.

I wait for her a little impatiently in the dining room. But I don't dare eating anything until she has returned. While I'm there, I entertain myself by trying to recover more memories. However, I can just get random images and words without context, mostly about Helen, but Hans, Marshall and Olaf also appear sporadically. I could be wrong, but I feel like remembering things is easier now than before, but… it's still not enough and soon I get so frustrated, I have to consciously stop myself from blasting the table away with my powers.

Fortunately, Anna arrives in that moment. She now has her twin braids instead of a bun, and is wearing a simple dress with a black bodice and a pink skirt. I actually like her casual style as much as her regal one; she is breathtakingly beautiful no matter what she's wearing.

She now looks less tired and happier than before, and doesn't waste any time running towards me with an infectious smile that I can't help but reciprocate.

"Come on, Elsa!" She says as she takes my hand and tugs from it to make me stand up. "There's no time to waste! Follow me."

"Where are we going?" I ask, partially amused, as I reluctantly let her drag me away from the amazing smells of the dining room, and to wherever she's planned for us to go. "I thought we were going to have dinner?"

"And we are!" She answers looking back at me briefly and wearing that mischievous smile that just screams trouble. "Just not here."

"Then where?" I ask confused, but Anna just giggles and continues running.

Thankfully to my poor legs, we come to a stop after just a couple of minutes. And we're near the base of a great spiral staircase, next to a window. Is she planning to make a picnic in the middle of the hallway or something? I look at her for an explanation, but she just lets go of my hand and approaches the window. There, she takes a rope hanging at it's side and pulls from it, revealing some kind of improvised swing.

"Come on." She says, pointing to it with her head. "We still have to go up."

"Are we going to have dinner on the roof?" I ask, finally understanding Anna's crazy idea.

"It's completely safe, I swear!" She rushes to say when she sees the doubt clearly painted on my face. "I'll pull you up and you'll just have to step off once you get to the top."

"I think I have a better idea." I reply, and not because I don't trust Anna will be able to carry me safety up to the roof, but because that swing looks rather old, and the rope is a bit too thin for my taste, and I don't think the Queen of Arendelle should expose herself like that. So, without waiting for her to reply, I step forward and release my magic, instantly creating a simple yet secure staircase that goes from the window to the roof.

"That's cheating." Anna says frowning, and I realize this is the first time she isn't glad or impressed to see my magic. I feel a bit disappointed to be honest. "I was supposed to be chivalrous here and pull the rope for you." She explains with that cute little pout that I'm always unable to resist. I decide to relent just a little, mostly because my heart does a little dance of joy when she says she wants to be chivalrous with me. Like… she's flirting with me? Could that be possible? Or am I just imagining things?

"Alright." I answer, shaking my head in amusement. "You may pull me up with that thing. As long as you use the stairs I made."

"Yes!" She answers eagerly, jumping in excitement as I get close, before offering me her hand to help me get into the swing. I take it gratefully and cling to the swing's ropes trying not to think about the height as she starts pulling, making me go up slowly but surely.

Soon, I get to the top, where the swing is attached to a pulley, and I yell to Anna to stop before I end up colliding with the roof. She does and I take in my surroundings, trying to decide the best route to get off this thing. I realize I'm in front of a triangular window that lets me see into a room that I've never seen before and is completely dark and empty. And the pulley is attached to the portion of the roof that covers said window. The only visible way to get out of the swing and into the roof seems to be swinging a bit to either my right or left and jump. My stomach twists at the thought.

Damn. This is even less secure than I thought. Maybe I should just make a ramp or something with my powers. Why did I even agreed to this? Oh, right. I'm completely in love with Anna.

Before I can decide whether I want to take my chances jumping, create something with my powers, or go slap the Queen, however, Anna suddenly appears to my right, having probably come here using the stairs I made.

"Need some help?" She asks with a teasing smile.

"… yes." I admit after a moment, in which I consider rejecting her offered hand and get to the roof by myself, more to show how upset I am she made me get into this thing than because of my pride. Still, I end up taking her hand and letting her pull me towards her, until the distance between me and the roof is short enough for me to jump safely into it.

I do just that, but I almost lose my balance when I land, and Anna has to take a couple of steps back to prevent us from falling to our deaths. However, she slips and falls on her butt, but thankfully we land safely on the roof. Well, she lands on the roof; I end up on top of her.

"I-I'm sorry." I mumble, blushing when I realize that her breasts (her very soft, very wonderful breasts) are touching mine. I quickly try to get up, but she grabs me, stopping me.

"We're still on the edge." She reminds me. And I look up at her eyes, only to realize they're only inches away from mine, and end up blushing even harder and deviating my gaze with difficulty. "We better not make any sudden movements."

I nod, and we proceed to slowly and carefully get up, supporting ourselves on the side of the triangular window. At the end we manage to get up, but the slope is still too steep for me to be comfortable, and as soon as I feel like slipping again, I end up clinging to the nearest thing like my life depended on it. That thing being Anna. Who of course chuckles at this, but still understands my fear and holds me firmly, reassuring me with a soft whisper that almost get lost in the cold wind of the night.

"It's okay. We're safe, I promise."

I nod, but keep holding her for a couple more seconds before I calm down enough to separate slightly from her. She gives me a reassuring smile and then takes my hand to lead me towards the spot where we're going to have dinner, which thankfully isn't that far away, in a nearby portion of the roof, where a picnic basket has been tied to a post. I still decide to freeze my feet to the ground as I walk, so the chances to fall are minimal. Just a precaution.

And so, we proceed to sit down next to the basket and Anna extracts some pastries from it. Mostly pieces of different cakes, but also some muffins and other sweets. She offers them to me and I decide for a piece of chocolate cake.

"Can I ask what the occasion is?" I ask as I take it. That question has been bugging me ever since I discovered we weren't eating in the dining room or in the Queen's study, as always. But now it's even more evident this is special, given there's chocolate cake involved.

"Oh, you know." She shrugs like it's no big deal, but even with the moon as our only light source, I can make out her barely hidden smile. Not to mention she's been pretty excited ever since she went to fetch me at the dining room. "I just wanted to see if you could handle heights." She ends up teasing me, to which I respond poking her ribs. She jumps and almost loses her balance, but I quickly grab her to prevent an accident.

"Hey!" She protests, glaring at me as she rubs her sore ribs. "I could have fallen, you know?"

"I wouldn't have let you." I reply playfully, though I internally remind myself not to poke Anna's ribs again or do something else that could potentially make her fall while we're up here. "Now answer my question." I demand semi-seriously as I take a bite of my cake. Even though I should have expected it from the one person that probably loves chocolate even more than I do, I'm still surprised to discover it's so delicious I can't help but moaning at the flavor.

"Well… I figured that after all the stress we went through preparing our meeting with the council, the least we deserved were a few cakes from the finest cake shop in Arendelle, so I spent the whole afternoon choosing them." She explains. "Though it's more of a reward for you, for such a good job you made discovering all those facts and crafting your arguments. I bet you gave them some things to think about."

"Do you think it'll make a difference on what they ultimately decide?" I ask, hoping she'll help calm down my doubts, but to my dismay, she sighs.

"I don't know." She admits with a grimace. "They are old-fashioned wealthy men. Most of them don't approve of a "foreign noble" being my counselor, and fear and hate Northerners." She pauses for a moment, and turns to me, her optimistic smile suddenly appearing on her face. "But who knows? Maybe they're more reasonable than I give them credit for."

"Even if they agree to send an ambassador to talk with the Ice Queen, she could still be hostile. And in that case, a war between Arendelle and the Northern Lands would be practically unavoidable." I remind her.

"Or she could not be in the Northern Lands." She counters, giving me with a look that speaks for itself. She still thinks I could be the Ice Queen, even if she doesn't have as much information as I do (like the fact I was born with my powers). Honestly, at this point I would be more shocked if I wasn't the Ice Queen.

I'm about to express my concerns about this fact, but Anna cuts me off before I can even say a word, probably sensing my inner turmoil.

"Anyways, we shouldn't talk about that." She says quickly, deviating her gaze towards the horizon, where the moon shines brightly on the sky, casting its white light into the black and calm waters of the fjord. There's a light breeze that comes from the ocean, softly caressing our faces and gradually setting a quiet and peaceful atmosphere, like it agrees with Anna. "Tonight I just want us both to relax and enjoy each other's company." Saying that, she turns to me and gives me one of those precious smiles of hers. One of those smiles that are just pure and simple happiness. One of those smiles that make me forget about my worries, and everything that's wrong with the world and think, for a moment, that nothing could possibly make me sad again as long as I have Anna at my side.

So of course I end up smiling like a fool, so much that my cheeks hurt. But I don't care. I'm with Anna. And when I'm with Anna, I know I can't possibly be happier.

"You know why I brought you here?" She asks, but I barely pay attention to her words. Right now, all I can concentrate on are the way her soft and rosy lips move, and even end up imagining a million ways of leaning towards her and kissing her.

But I'm frozen on my spot. And I don't move. Heck, I'm not sure I'm even breathing!

"W-why?" I'm barely able to respond after a few seconds of silence. I lick my dry lips unconsciously.

"The view." She says, turning again to look at the fjord. I, however, keep looking intently at Anna, like she'll disappear if I let her out of my sight.

"The view?" I repeat, struggling to focus on the words, and not my rather inappropriate fantasies.

"Uh huh." She nods. "When I was younger I would escape here often, either to see the ships come into the fjord during the day, or to contemplate the stars dancing on the water at night." She giggles joyfully at the memories. "Sometimes when I was lucky, I could even see the northern lights, or a shooting star."

"Did you make wishes as well?" I ask, making a conscious effort to follow up with the conversation. But it's too hard! My mind is working slower than usual, probably because I have two fantasies about kissing Anna for every normal thought I can come up with. This is getting ridiculous!

"Yes." She sighs with nostalgia. "I always wished…" At this point, she pauses and turns to look at me. And my heart stops when I realize her gaze could only possibly be described as loving.

"Y-yeah?" I prompt, unconsciously getting closer to her. I barely even register my hand landing on top of hers. If she realizes this, she doesn't say a thing.

"I wished one day I could meet a Northerner." She finishes with a soft voice and half lidded eyes, her face being so close to me, I can feel her hot breath over my lips and smell the chocolate-y scent product of the sweets she ate.

What happens next is both something I was expecting, and something I thought was most probably never going to happen.

I don't even know who made the first move, or if it was simultaneous. Maybe we just instinctively knew what the other was wanting, and acted on it. All I know is that, before I could stop to think what I was doing, our faces got closer, my eyes shut and I felt hot lips over mine.

At first I'm so overwhelmed I stop breathing and think for a moment that I'm going to pass out. Then I remind myself to inhale and exhale and both my heart and my lungs resume their normal functions, though ten times faster than before. At the same time, I feel a rather pleasant sensation on the lower part of my belly that only intensifies when Anna takes my lower lip between hers and starts sucking.

I have to consciously suppress a moan at this, and try to reciprocate the actions, pressing my mouth harder against hers and caressing her upper lip with the tip of my tongue. She seems to like this, as she hums in approval before letting out a sigh of content.

I don't know if this is my first kiss. Actually, going by my memories about Helen, I'd say it most probably isn't. But it sure feels like it for me. It's everything I'd expect a first kiss to be. It's warm, it's gentle, and there's no hurry. We take our time to explore the other's lips, but without going too far, since this is all new. There's passion, but also slight hesitance. But above all, there's love.

Sooner than I would have liked though, we separate and the kiss is over. Which perhaps is a good thing, because we're both deep red, agitated and out of breath. We still stay close to each closer, however, as we fight to calm down from the overwhelming experience we just shared.

But suddenly Anna smiles. It's a wide smile that soon enough turns into a giggle, and then a laughter. And I can't help but laugh too. Because now I know… now we both know our feelings are reciprocated. And it's such a relief! It's such a wonderful occasion! It's so liberating to be finally able to express our love for each other that we just… we can't stop kissing, and laughing, and kissing again, and laughing while kissing.

I know it may look somewhat weird, or crazy, but honestly I don't care. Against all odds, the Queen of Arendelle fell for an escaped Northerner. An ice-wielder woman. And I fell for her too. And right now I couldn't possibly ask for more.

A/N: Hi! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Especially that last part ;) And if you did, please leave a review telling me your thoughts. I really appreciate them.

Also, I'd be very grateful if you checked out a drawing I made for this scene (you know, the kissing part). My DeviantArt is Tania Hylian, and my Tumblr as well.

Thank you so much for reading, and also thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13. See you soon :)

Oh, and even though I know it's not your tradition (at least not for most of you), happy Día de Muertos (Day of the Dead).