How is polygamist leader and convicted rapist Warren Jeffs dealing the knowledge that he will spend the rest of his life in jail, never again to feel the sweet caress of his harem of child brides? With constant exhibitionist masturbation, according to an intrepid report from The Daily:

According to one of his former jailers, the convicted child rapist masturbated more or less continuously while in custody. Rick Bradley, a guard at the county jail where Jeffs was kept in the weeks prior to his trial, told The Daily that the 55-year-old seemed to be suffering from sexual withdrawal and pleasured himself "a lot." What does that mean, exactly—five times a day? More, Bradley said. Fifteen times? "Sometimes more than that," he told The Daily. The guard said that the prisoner—who was not permitted conjugal visits—often played solo in full view of his guards. "We could see him," Bradley said.

I don't know who's more likely to go blind from this, Jeffs or the guards. That said, should this guard really be tracking prisoners' masturbation habits and leaking it to the press? And of all press to leak it to, The Daily? Does he have any idea how great New York City newsstands would be today, if he'd gone to the Daily News and the Post? [The Daily, image via AP]