I've got my own list!

I don't know. Getting kissed by 160 million Palin haters might really chafe your ass. You might want to reconsider.

How do I hate thee, let me count the ways

I really hate you, quite thoroughly. I hate everything about you. You look like a combination of a child molester and an unsuccessful tranny. You sound like a 6-year old girl who's been kicked in the balls. I'm being serious here. For example, look at yourself when you were on Maher's show; I thought you were Rachel Maddow. Really, look at yourself. You're a faggot. You have been outcast by the other faggots for making faggots look like a bunch of pussies. A guy who spends every waking hour taking it in the ass would be less gay than you.

You're also smug and arrogant. You think you're the smartest man on the internet, but in reality you're just another campus radical who copypastes shitty screeds from Moveon and Michael Moore, because you have no ability to form coherent political theories. You are a pussy, an internet badass who likes to talk tough about conservatives while kissing up to America's enemies. You openly despise American sovereignty, but you think the openly corrupt UN should control our lives and our foreign policy. You're an abject coward, an internationalist scumbag who is a traitor in thought, if not in deed. There are a few leftists I can respect, like Russ Feingold, who actually represent principles, not just an endless line of liberal interest groups. But you, you fucking little toad, I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. You're just another smartass punk whose political stand is based on whatever is "cool" at the moment. You could be replaced with a random word generator spouting lefty slogans, and no one could tell the difference. You're all form and no substance. I really hate you.

I also hate the cesspool of humanity which reads your sad excuse for a blog. Your readers are a bunch of faceless conformists who come to your blog to partake in a great circlejerk and to agree with each other on practically every issue of any relevance. Then, in the most delicious of ironies, your douchebag hipster asshole readers claim that conservatives live in an "echo chamber". I actually know from personal experience what Republican politics are like, and that world is pretty much the polar opposite of "echo chamber". The reason I left politics was our total inability to agree on anything; the Christians/social conservatives, the libertarians/fiscal conservatives and the national security/foreign policy conservatives couldn't even agree on what kind of pizza we should order (resulting in a diet heavy with Chinese food). The debate was lively and interesting but group cohesion was nonexistent (one discussion about abortion almost ended up in a fist fight). So please, know that you and your readers can take your useless, pre-packaged, self-righteous groupthink-opinions and shove them up your asses. Your readers are a spoon-fed, elitist, pampered lot who have about as much experience with hard work and real life as the queen of England, and as such their views aren't worth the (digital) paper they're printed on.

Which brings me to my last point: I hate not only you and your readers, but pretty much all Democratic activists and politicians. Why? Because you are, on a fundamental level, parasites. All left-wing activists seem to fall in three categories (there is, of course, some overlap between these groups). First there are the public sector bureaucrats (I'm excluding policemen, soldiers and others who do actual useful work and, not coincidentally, tend to vote Republican). These people are not only useless, but often actually harmful, they have generous benefits and near-perfect job security. The only way these bloodsuckers manage to hang on to their do-nothing jobs is by buying (through generous donations) the loyalty of Democratic politicans, who then grant public sector unions unaffordable pay raises and ridiculously lucrative pensions; in other words, taxpayer money goes to politicians who give it to unions, who then give a slice of the loot right back to the politicians.

The second main category of leftists is the academic elite. And by "elite" I do not mean "talented" or "skilled", but rather people who consider themselves uniquely qualified to tell others how to live their lives. They always come from pointless, pseudoscientific fields like sociology, gender studies, latino studies, communications or English lit. They have no marketable skills and make no contributions to society, yet they consider themselves intellectually superior to anyone who isn't one of their own. These overprivileged, reality-detached, lazy incompetents pretend to represent the scientific tradition of critical thought while accepting every single piece of ruinous leftist dogma as gospel truth. Clearly, education does not make one intelligent.

The last main category of Democratic activists is maybe the worst; lawyers. Lawyers prey upon the misery of others like vultures. With radical tort reform our economy would be stronger and our health care costs lower, yet Democrats oppose this due to their financial dependence on the trial lawyer lobby. The kind of jackpot justice favored by the Democratic elite is unknown in any European country, yet Democrats claim that it is fundamental to our freedom. Lawyers are greedy leeches and Democrats are corrupt liars.

In summary, I do not hate you and your ilk because I believe that you will turn our country into a socialist gulag; such fears are ridiculous. Rather, I hate you because you produce nothing but only consume. I hate you because you are weak and useless but pretend to be strong and important. I hate you because you talk tough when it comes to your domestic political rivals, but you constantly seek to placate and legitimize our foreign enemies. I hate you because you actually believe we can tax our way into prosperity. I hate you because you think women's rights and gay rights are all kinds of important, except when they're being threatened by Islam (as they are in a quickly growing number of countries), in which case they suddenly become racist right wing propaganda tools. And finally, I hate you because unlike the communists of old, you lack the balls for properly grandiose evil, but instead you are petty, venal and amoral. You don't even make a good opponent; you are merely worthless.

If hating you is wrong, I don't want to be right,

Jon