I’m going to bed, and before I go, I just wanted you guys to know

tonight I talked with my roommates about sex and sexuality

and discussed the steps one would take in order to get a stallion to mount someone, so that they might end up rupturing internal gooey bits.

We arrived at the subject when I brought it to their attention that as nurses they should expect more than one case of foreign objects lodged in butts, and it was mentioned that someone got a glass object shoved up there, and it broke, and he died. (I THINK they were talking about Jarsquatter guy, who I am not sure if he died or not, google has given me mixed responses.)

“Bestiality has been practiced for practically forever, I mean, it’s even mentioned in the old testament.”

And I was like yep people fuck whatever they can get their dicks in.

“But you can die from it, because animal semen has something in it that will kill you.”

THIS was when I was all “woah hang on” because that is silly

that

is

just

silly.

(I read that in some cases the vaginal fluids in some animals MIGHT give you penis cancer… maybe. But there are a lot of guys over on /r/mylittleandysonic1 that still have penises and EVERYBODY knows that all of those guys are horsefuckers, so I guess it’s all okay)

I was all “nah bro, you die from rupturing your colon from a horse penis that is as long as your arm being forcefully shoved up there.”

and she was all “Oh, i see. that makes sense. thank you for enlightening me.”

BUT THEN ONE OF THEM ASKED “How would you even get a horse to do that? I mean… Horses don’t normally do not horsey girls, right?”

and then I had to explain the steps

all

the

steps

“Well, even if you ARE covered in a mare in heat’s urine, wouldn’t the horse notice that, like, you’re a lot SMALLER than a mare?”

“There’s a bit of luck and some foreplay that I am not entirely sure on and if I was I am not about to talk about it with you guys lest you get some crazy ideas in your head”

and then they lol’d, and nobody asked me how I know these things.

And then I shifted awkwardly in my seat, having realized that I just explained to three legit virgin and innocent girls how to fuck a horse.