1. There’s a sock on your cock.

2. Your bio says “boats and hoes”.

3. Your photo is a photo of a photo. Retro.

4. A deep v t-shirt that almost reaches your navel? Nope.

5. You’re posing on a super car (even if you legitimately own it, it’s not ok).

6. I can’t see your face – suspect.

7. You’re naked.

8. You’re naked with your mates.

9. Gym selfies - not ok.

10. You’ve photoshopped a sloth onto your shoulder (this happens more frequently than you’d think).

11. Are you the hot one on the left and the rough one on the right? WE NEED CLARITY, PEOPLE.

12. Butler in the Buff outfit – automatic nope.

13. Wow, that spliff makes you look really cool. Nope.

14. Winking? Nope.

15. You’re holding a machete.

16. There’s a bottle of Moet in the photo. Yawn.

17. You’re claiming to be Ryan Gosling (I’m not falling for that again.)

18. You have better eyebrows than me.

19. There’s a bucket on your head.

20. “I’m just casually lying in bed naked” selfies.

21. Your main photo is you at your wedding. With a woman. Who is obviously your wife.

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.