"Yes, especially the Goombas over there!"

"...Again!"

"...Maybe!"

"...But probably not!"

"Don't mind me and my shaggy eyebrows though. This is thoughtful neglect."

"Actually, since you're already here, we can just hurry this up and skip to the part where you beat my sorry ass like you pretty much always do. Come to think of it, let me bend over so it won't take that lo--"

"Blorghphbbbllll!!! It's on my face!!! Get it off! Get it off!!!"

"Like, Wheel of Fortune starts in half an hour and we usually watch that together! We like to guess the words and I always beat her because she messes up the vowels!"

"I do nut!"

"Shush, dear."

Meanwhile, back in Kansas.By the way, have you noticed Bowser likes saying awesome a lot? Like, not counting the part where I put words in his mouth, he's said it three times by now, and this is still just the intro.Wait, Bowser remembered Luigi's name. Huh. Weird.Oh, same way as usual. Went through some jumping challenges, hospitalized your kids, you know."Wait, they aren't my kids anymore."Oh... Wow... And here I thought I was the cruel one.Yeah, didn't even have to take Star Road for the back door this time.Little does he know he left it open himself when he went to go get milk.Uhm... Luigi?Yeah, now I KNOW this is fanfiction! Luigi is not that bold or brave.Did you write this, Luigi?Ah goddamnit, there goes all hope of this being a one-evening-done-deal!Uhm... Gesundheit?Also, I guess Luigi fell asleep. Probably practicing for his role in Dream Team.Wait, by who?Yeah, pretty much.Don't worry, Bowser. I think this is just some fruitcake who likes to write himself into stories as the ultimate villain or something.I like how everyone's looking at this guy like "Ughh... *sigh*".Writing your name in red's not gonna make it sound any more intimidating, pal.Look out guys, he's also the chosen one.Ok, you love saying your own name. I think we get it.See, even Bowser's already sick of this guy's shit.If BOWSER catches on to your shenanigans, you KNOW you're not subtle."The prophecies that I am the chosen one of, and also I have all the powers of Superman and I piss lightning."Stop talking in fanfic titles, man!"Count Bleck will not stop! Die, hater!"Blorghphbbbllll!!! It's on my face!!! Get it off! Get it off!!!This is the part where the crappy self-insert villain beats the main character effortlessly and without any struggle whatsoever. Seems legit.Not so sure about who deserves it, honestly.I swear, if I wasn't passed out on the floor...Wait, what? You can't do that! That's against the rules! Hey! Heyyy!!!!"Go Go Gadget Vacuum Cape!""This suuuuuuucks!""No, really, it does!""Burp!"Dude, word of advice: You really shouldn't base your whole existence around something written in some dusty tome. Live your own life, y'know? Make friends, have some fun, play nice. Be a good guy.And so Mario's day ends like it usually does: Passed out, totally wasted, face-down on the floor in someone elses house.