Trumpanzees keep bitching at me that I’m out to get their guy. They couldn’t be more wrong — or, as some of them might put it, “wronger.”

Of course I’ll vote for Hillary Clinton, because my IQ actually breaks triple digits. But secretly — or not so secretly now — I’m kind of hoping Donald Trump wins instead.

Why? Easy.

Ten reasons:

1. I’m in the media. For me, President Trump would mean Christmas every day. Here’s a serial bankrupt businessman who has already promised Earth-shattering deficits and trade wars, talked openly about defaulting on the national debt, and recommended gold at $2,000 an ounce. When Trump is president, you’re going to be logging on to MarketWatch every day just to see if you have any money left.

2. I’d expect to make out like a bandit, too. Chaos means opportunity. Trump may prove a disaster for the regular U.S. stock and bond funds in your 401(k). But he’ll generate tons of great opportunities all across the market, from equities and fixed income, to real estate, currencies and things like gold and diamonds.

3. I like being proven right. I’ve spent years telling everyone I know that America is going down the tubes: That all this accumulated ignorance and stupidity will finally destroy us. I’d like to spend the next four years saying: “See, I told you so!”

4. I don’t have kids. So when Trump destroys America for all future generations, it’s no skin off my nose.

This NFL player lived in a closet to save money

5. I could use a good laugh. Trumpanzees are the most stupid, ignorant and obnoxious people in America. Watching them defend his outrages and blunders for the next four years — like, oh, illegal orders — should be hilarious.

6. I have two passports. When the rest of you are living in Trump’s America and using $20 bills for toilet paper, I’ll be sitting in a café somewhere in Europe, a bag of gold coins and cut diamonds at my feet, laughing my butt off.

7. It’s time. A country stupid enough to elect Donald Trump president — or even to nominate him — is basically doomed anyway. We might as well get it over with.

8. It could finally undo Lincoln’s Folly. If the Red States impose Trump on the rest of us, the Blue States might finally, finally wake up and do what they should have done in 1861, and declare independence. Here’s hoping.

9. I pay my taxes scrupulously every year. And, of course, I feel like a bit of a sucker for doing so. But when everyone who’s ever criticized President Trump suddenly finds themselves being audited by the IRS, all that honesty will finally pay off!

10. Oh, and above all: When Hillary Clinton was secretary of state, she foolishly used a personal email server instead of an official one. And if that’s not a reason to vote for Trump and end a 240-year experiment in government “by the people, for the people,” I don’t know what is.