CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

In a bizarre deviation from protocol, the NSW police have today instantly destroyed three unlucky canine officers who were unfortunately caught doing their jobs at the wrong place and the wrong time.

The drug detection dogs were believed to have wandered away from their patrol of the housing commissions in Glebe and Ultimo, and accidentally ended up inside Star Casino, where they were spotted sniffing the wrong legs.

This comes after a weekend of arrests at music festivals across the state, where young men and woman had their lives ruined with harsh criminal convictions for possession of what used to be considered a normal night out in 2003.

In a poor twist of fate for the doggos, it seems they made a fatal error by checking the pockets of the coked up Eastern suburbs kids who were attending a Young Liberal function at the controversial gambling venue.

The dogs were euthanised immediately by in-house casino cops, who are charged with the responsibility of making sure any crimes committed inside the Casino are not made available to the media, who wouldn’t report on them anyway because the major mastheads are also at the mercy of major residential developers and the gambling lobby who are directing them to work in partnership with the Liberal government to continue manipulating the faltering Sydney property market by making sure Sydney’s only form of nightlife takes place inside the casino.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has fronted the media this morning with a bold response to the tragedy, stating that the police were given plenty of warning about what would happen if sniffer dogs were involved in a walk-through of the controversial gambling venue.

“It’s just not fair. Some of these Young Liberal staffers are on their 4th or 5th section ten. This is just an easy cash grab by the cops”

“And by cash grab, I literally mean cash grab. Because their funding depends on how many young lives are ruined through recreational drug possession charges”

“Unfortunately, in this circumstance, the dogs are as expendable as the waves of ruined gamblers who top themselves in the casino toilets each year”

“If you want to make arrests, do it the right way, and wait a couple blocks down the road to nab them well outside the Casino’s duty of care. It’s not that hard, fuck ya”

When asked by reporters if this policy may be a little hypocritical when considering the current government’s war on music festival and live music, the Premier responded by pointing out “she didn’t make the rules”.

“Are you fucking kidding?” she asked.

“You actually think we would allow drug arrests in the casino? [haha]”

“…At a Young Liberals function no less [hysterical laughter]”

“Have you been paying attention to any of the shit we have been doing over the last ten years?”

“Fuck me haha”