Chants of “No more local!” were heard during EVE North, and ExookiZ delivered.



Local chat, or “local”, is the chat box that allows people in the same solar system to exchange really clever insults such as, “I know you are but what am I” and “what does gg mean?” More importantly, it also tells you when bad people show up to rain on your mining op with your rorqual that pulls in at least half of what it used to, but fortunately, for about half the price. Sadly, that little bit of intel is about to disappear for the month of July and capsuleers are, as usual, completely polarized over the event.



Many are crying out that CCP has added yet another pointless event to distract people from the more serious business of…playing a game. But EVE Onion has learned that this has nothing to do with CCP. In fact, ExookiZ, abusing his powers of being elected to CSM, somehow managed to get access to and throw the switch on local chat in null space.



We were given a hint to something like this in a conversation with Dead Star Syndicate at EVE North. -DSYN CEO James Rapture opined, “We wormholers are sick and tired of never having local when we leave our wormholes. We are here to support ExookiZ and his secret mission.”



When pressed for more details on his secret mission, -DSYN members exhibited sudden discomfort and one of the directors bitchslapped James, whining, “Y’all done a stupid. We wasn’t supposed t’ say nuthin’!”



EVE Onion asked why wormholers were so uptight about removing local. “Well, we aren’t very good at PVP and we can’t plan anything that requires more than one step. So this levels the playing field for us, allowing us to all but warp straight to the target and hope we get a lucky bump before they enter warp.”



We tracked down ExookiZ in his flagship Heron to see if he could corroborate the allegation. “I can neither confirm nor deny that I was able to sneak in through the Beer Door at CCP and throw this alleged switch you speak of.” When we pointed out we said nothing about how he got in he promptly bitchslapped James Rapture.



We made no effort to contact Wingspan on the matter, however, they DDoS’ed our server until we responded to their emails. “We just want to go on record that we feel terrible for the nullbears of New Eden. We will not be taking advantage of these poor pilots. We will stick to our doctrine of recon and black ops ships in solidarity. Shame on you, ExookiZ!”