Declination Of Independence

1st Place in Derby #307: Red, White, and Blue , with 259 votes!

One of the most powerful written documents of all time, the Declaration of Independence underwent countless revisions by Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, and other great minds of the Revolution.

The noble American tradition of re-writing remains alive today in the form of writing-group "workshopping," in which several English and Creative Writing majors mold a piece into perfection. With that in mind, we thought we might run the dusty ol' Declaration through a few rounds of workshopping to see if we couldn't tune it up a little. Ahem:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Seemed a bit vague. We added some details.

We think this is obvious: All people are created equal in some ways (not completely equally, obviously, or there would be no variation), that they are endowed by whatever process is responsible for human life with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. Also some other things that we can't get to here.

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