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Dear Coleen

My youngest son got married two years ago to a woman I didn’t like. I told him how I felt and they didn’t invite me to the wedding.

We no longer speak and it’s breaking my heart, but I don’t know how to make things right.

Three months ago I heard through friends that they had a baby girl who is my first grandchild.

I sent them a card and a present for my new granddaughter but I didn’t hear anything back.

I’ve since tried calling, texting and writing a letter but they all go unanswered.

I know where they live and I’m tempted to just turn up and ask to see my grandchild, but I’m worried this may look confrontational or they may just close the door on me.

I want to have a relationship with my granddaughter, despite my issues with my son and his wife. What should I do?

Coleen says

Because you’ve been so brutally honest about how you feel about his wife, it’s no wonder your son hasn’t welcomed you back with open arms.

But I think you’ve made a step in the right direction by trying to make contact and you’ve done everything you can to make peace.

So you have nothing to lose by turning up at their house. But you must do it in a very non-aggressive and non-argumentative way.

Even if they’re argumentative with you, stay calm and just explain that you want to see your grandchild.

Or could you try to speak to a family friend or family member who is in touch with your son?

If your son and daughter-in-law don’t want to spend time with you, would they consider leaving their daughter with the friend or family member for an hour so you can spend time with her?

They may not want to do this when she’s very young, but perhaps as she gets older?

If they still don’t let you see her then carry on sending cards and presents, so one day your granddaughter knows that you tried to have a relationship with her.

This kind of scenario is a sad but unfortunately quite common situation nowadays. I hope everything works out for you all.

* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan's advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems