And you will hear wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will raise against nation, and Kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places.

And also there will be MOUNTAIN DEW FLAVORED DORITOS:

So the bag says "The Quest: Guessing the Flavor is Just the Beginning" but I'll save you some time. Initial research indicated the flavor was "lime" like those "Tostitos with Lime," but further lunch-time research via the crappy Flash apps at "Snack Strong Productions" reveals the chips are supposed to taste like: Mountain Dew soda.

Truly, these are the end times. Gather your loved ones and bring them north to the caves. At the mouth of the cave, tell the oldest to enter and wait for two flares. Until the time when it will be safe to emerge, it will be your job to protect them, teach them, remind them every so often about the flares, but most importantly warn them -- about why they should never, ever put Mountain Dew-flavored tortilla chips in their mouth.

~Jeff