I have noticed a trend of people using the word “virgin” (and more recently “incel”) as insults. Such insults are often directed towards men who express frustration on various issues.

I’m surprised that people don’t realize that this demonization of sexless men is part of the problem. It makes men feel inferior for having less sex than others. This has to be part of the reason why many celibate young men turn to toxic communities.

Looking at incel communities like incel.is, there is definitely a lot of hostility towards women and society in general, however, there’s also a lot of self-hatred. Many of these men consider themselves inferior to others either because of their appearance or because of their mental problems. A surprising thing is that contrary to common stereotypes not all of men in incel communities are “white”. Many of the commenters report being Asian or Indian and believe that their race contributes to their involuntary celibacy.

Why are these men so frustrated towards society and towards themselves? There are multiple reasons for that, but one of them has to be that a man who doesn’t get sex is considered “pathetic” by society. The use of the word “virgin” as an insult directed to men proves that.

Even the “incel killer” Elliot Rodgers in his manifesto said that it bothered him immensely when people used “virgin” as an insult in the game World Of Warcraft. Without excusing his actions, I think we can recognize that the value society places on men getting sex had a negative impact on him.

Using “virgin” and “incel” as insults reinforces the stereotype that men who don’t get laid are “useless” and worthy of mockery. It contributes to the phenomenon of “angry men” that we see in various communities. How can they not be angry when society mocks them for the crime of not getting laid? People who worry about the radicalization of young men need to start listening to the problems of these young men first.