Finally, she speaks. Monica Lewinksy, the woman with whom President Clinton really did have sexual relations back in the late 90s is opening up to Vanity Fair with an explosive essay that sheds light on a number of misconceptions about her and her life.

The big news in “Shame and Survival”: She writes, “Sure my boss took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: It was a consensual relationship.” Also: “I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened.”

Now 40, Lewinksy, who, by the way, looks beautiful in the photo spread, writes about what it has been like to be her for the last nearly two decades. She has floated between New York, LA and Portland, Ore. — this last being the utmost antithesis of Washington, D.C.

Taken from a preview from Vanity Fair‘s publicity department, here are the more splashier parts of the story they’re letting us see:

1. In the wake of the affair and the press coverage, Monica was suicidal. She blames Matt Drudge and The Drudge Report for her “global humiliation” that was “driven by the Internet.” While she never actually tried to commit suicide, the thoughts were there.

2. She finds it “interesting” that Hillary Clinton’s instinct is to “blame the woman.” She insists she is not the “narcissistic loony toon” Hillary said she was. (Narcissism observations are pretty noteworthy coming from Hillary considering who she’s married to, right?)

3. She’s had a hard time securing jobs because of her past. She gets by on projects and loans from family and friends.

4. Best quote: “It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress.”

Most importantly, why is Monica doing this? And why now?

She says it is time to stop “tiptoeing around my past—and other people’s futures. I am determined to have a different ending to my story. I’ve decided, finally, to stick my head above the parapet so that I can take back my narrative and give a purpose to my past. (What this will cost me, I will soon find out.)” She asks somewhat rhetorically, “Am I supposed to put my life on hold for another 8 to 10 years?)

No longer angry at NYT‘s columnist Maureen Dowd (whom she formerly referred to as “Moremean Dowdy”) she says she’d now meet her for a drink.

Come on, Maureen, you need to take Monica up on this!

The June issue will be out May 8 and more nationally on May 13.