There are two notable squadmates in Battletech, Glitch and Dekker.

Glitch is a delight. She enthusiastically delivers every line, from "Time to die!" to "Missiles away!", in the exact cadence and tone one would use while stepping forward with jazz hands to say "Let's put on a talent show to save the youth center!"

Glitch is the most chipper NPC party member of any game I can recall, and is the first person I take along in every mission.

Then there's Dekker. Oh, Dekker...

I'd like to bring Dekker into every mission along with Glitch. Unfortunately, he's unavailable more often than not, recuperating from terrible injuries.



Infirmary Log Day 001



The patient, callsign "Dekker", was admitted to the infirmary after shooting at an enemy turret power generator building from point blank range. All four of his attacks missed. Dekker, caught up in the excitement, passed out from overstimulation.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 12 days



Infirmary Log Day 048

While traveling between missions, the Captain happened upon Dekker and another 'mech pilot arguing over the last cup of coffee. The Captain granted the beverage to Dekker in the hopes of raising the pilot's spirits after his recent stay in the infirmary. Dekker drank the scalding hot coffee in three greedy gulps, sustaining severe burns to his mouth and throat.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 23 days



Infirmary Log Day 112

During an intense convoy ambush, pilot Dekker stopped his 'mech in a river to disperse the heat built up by his laser weapons. Temporarily forgetting that he was secure in a multi-ton 'mech, Dekker made swimming motions like a dog held above water. The simple arm movement of a butterfly stroke pinched a nerve in his shoulder.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 9 days

Infirmary Log Day 131



Pilot Dekker attempted a rather complex maneuver called Death From Above. In this combat technique, a 'mech engages its jump jets to soar through the air and land with its full weight on an enemy unit. Pilot Dekker somehow missed. Both of his 'mech's legs were instantly broken. The machine toppled over.

Surprisingly, Dekker was uninjured at this point. However, when he slammed his cockpit in frustration, he broke all five fingers in his left hand.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 17 days

Infirmary Log Day 207



Patient Dekker stepped out of bed to return to active duty, opening what he thought was the hatch to exit the infirmary, but was in fact a clearly labeled medical waste chute.



Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 4 days

Infirmary Log Day 250



Pilot Dekker hid behind a mountain for an entire mission to stay clear of enemy fire. The cowardly tactic worked. Then the dropship arrived exactly where he had been cowering, crushing his 'mech.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 62 days

Infirmary Log Day 312



Pilot Dekker sustained multiple severe paper cuts while opening his payment of C-Bills, a purely digital currency.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 16 days

Infirmary Log Day 359



Pilot Dekker requested a number of modifications to his light 'mech, removing all armor to free up storage space for explosive ammo surrounding his cockpit. You can guess what happened next.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 36 days

Infirmary Log Day 443



During a mission, pilot Glitch commented that pilot Dekker's planned route resembled a banana peel in their shared heads up display grid. Pilot Dekker's 'mech instantly slipped and fell on its giant metal buttocks. Caught off guard by the sudden jolt, pilot Dekker bit down on his tongue real hard.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 10 days

Infirmary Log Day 481



Pilot Dekker fell for the oldest trick in the book, bending his 'mech over to pick up a giant fake C-Bill Cent left by the enemy. Before the ambush could be sprung, Dekker took himself out of the fight when he lost consciousness due to the extreme tightness of his non-regulation underpants.

Pilot will be unavailable for combat for 93 days





Battletech

Where Into the Breach was clean and streamlined, Battletech is complex and methodical and every bit as amaz... hold on, I have to call the medic because Dekker just walked into a sliding glass door. 9/10

Extinction

Some people are unfavorably comparing this to the classic Shadow of the Colossus, but I prefer to unfavorably compare it to the underwhelming Attack On Titan. 3/10

Nintendo Labo

If you encounter a problem you could hold out for a patch... or you could use duct tape haha! 7/10

God of War

Not since 2013 Tomb Raider have I enjoyed a mostly good game while genuinely wishing I was seeing the transcendent experience so many others were talking about. 7/10

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)