Since Jose Canseco hasn’t been able to effectively goad Shaquille O’Neal into fighting him in a mixed martial arts event, the former MLB slugger has decided to stage a bout with his remaining dignity by returning to the baseball diamond.

The 48-year-old six-time All-Star has agreed to join the Fort Worth Cats of the independent United League for their first homestand of the year this upcoming weekend. Canseco will play in four games beginning Thursday against the Edinburg Roadrunners, who are managed by his twin brother Ozzie.

Glad to be back and playing professionally. I will always be a baseball player. As long as I can pick up a bat. — Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) May 20, 2013

While Canseco may be back on the diamond for Memorial Day weekend, don’t expect his performance to evoke reminders of his major league prime. In 20 games with the Worcester Tornadoes of the Canadian-American Association last year, he hit .194 with one home run and seven RBIs. Canseco’s history with performance-enhancing substances is well documented, but his new teammates can apparently be assured that there are certain things he won’t be ingesting in the clubhouse.

I do not smell like dragon blood and immortality — Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) May 19, 2013

If Canseco performs well this weekend, it’s feasible that the team could agree to keep him on the roster for a longer duration. Until he gets that call to replace Barbara Walters, of course.