Popper: Bergen Catholic wrestling lawsuit brings out a parent's worst fear

It’s difficult to be a teenager these days, and maybe just as difficult to be a parent.

We send our children to school hoping for some idyllic shelter from the real world, a place where kids can learn and grow, and still maybe live without the realities that we all hear about too often.

I have a son who is finishing up his high school career, active in athletics and other extracurricular activities that take him out of school, on buses to games and competitions and fundraising events. And as a parent, you trust that taken out of the nest of home, your child will not just be exposed to new experiences, but most of all, that your child will be safely cared for.

But that’s never been the reality. There are mean girls and bullies, bathrooms where we’d never venture into, and now as gun violence has surfaced in far too many schools, politicians seeking to turn the schools into war zones with bulletproof glass, lockdowns and armed guards - and armed teachers.

And then there is the other fear, the one whispered quietly with the hope that it can’t happen here.

But it does. Monday, just two days after the movie "Paterno" premiered on HBO, it hit close to home.

A lawsuit was filed in state Superior Court accusing Bergen Catholic High School officials and the Newark Archdiocese of conspiring to cover up a culture that included sexual and verbal abuse to shield itself and its nationally-ranked wrestling team.

The Paterno movie focused in on two troubled weeks of the legendary Penn State football coach’s career as he logged a historic victory before seeing it all fall apart around him as the story broke of a sex scandal in the program. To this day, long past Paterno’s death and his statue coming down, there are denials and accusations and believers, and no one knows exactly what happened.

And it’s no different in this case. There is an accusation, a lengthy complaint filed by one plaintiff and amended to include unnamed complainants. And there are vociferous denials from the school and the Newark Archdiocese.

So for now, we know nothing other than the allegations in the complaint. But that doesn’t stop it from making a parent - this parent - sick to their stomach.

We trust. We hope. We believe. And as you read through the complaint there are so many things that just go against everything you hope - and everything that so many dedicated coaches and teachers and administrators deliver.

FULL STORY: Bergen Catholic wrestling program accused of sexual and verbal abuse in lawsuit

STATEMENT: Bergen Catholic wrestling coach issues statement

READ MORE: Bergen Catholic wrestling team, in midst of turmoil, among nation's most accomplished

My wife passed away after a long battle with cancer during my son’s junior year, and for him, school was a haven. His baseball coaches carefully watched to be sure he was handling the stressful situation, no different from what his teachers did. The teacher running the business club provided him with opportunities that helped him get through and move on to where he is now, finishing out his senior year and preparing for college.

So when you hear some of these things - all just allegations right now aimed at Bergen Catholic officials and the wrestling coaches - it’s heartbreaking to think of any of it happening.

The list is ugly. The simple things are alleged inappropriate comments. Then there are allegations that assistant coach Dominick Spataro showed “pornographic and nude photographs of himself and others on his mobile phone to Plaintiff and other minor wrestlers...”

There is talk of bullying.

It’s all awful. But maybe just as bad as the accusations of misconduct is the long litany of allegations of the problems being pushed aside by administrators. According to the complaint, when the Plaintiff’s father reached out to the school, sending emails and making phone calls, the wrestler was thrown off the team.

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Brother Brian Walsh, the school's president, issued a statement denying any wrongdoing.

"Let’s be very clear that the administration has zero tolerance for the actions alleged in this complaint," Walsh said through the school's appointed attorney, Steve Mangione. "With that said, the administration believes that this lawsuit is based on allegations that are unfounded, frivolous and untrue. The administration will vigorously defend against these false and baseless allegations."

Maybe it is all true, and maybe it’s all baseless. But here, like at Penn State and at so many other places, it has raised fears and brought us another step out of the innocence we all hope for when we send our children off to school.

The accusations in this complaint allege that the issues were covered up to protect the wins and ranking of a program. The reality is there is only one number that matters.

One.

If just one of these allegations is true, if one of these cases is proven guilty, it’s too many. And it’s simply heartbreaking.

Email: popper@northjersey.com