Meanwhile, some animals living in our world seem to be kicking death in the ass just by hanging around and doing what they do. These species have managed to stick around the planet for mind-blowing amounts of time ... at least until we killed them and dissected their bodies to find out how they did it. For example ...

For centuries, mankind has tried absolutely everything to achieve immortality, from searching for mystical fountains of youth to literally putting corpses in cold storage hoping the future can un-kill them. Considering that we don't have Ponce de Leon or Walt Disney hanging out in Florida today, it's safe to say that we're failing in this department.

6 Lobsters Don't Actually Get Older, Just Bigger (And Hornier)

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When some animal activists found out that a restaurant in New York City was offering to serve a massive 20-pound lobster, they rushed to try to save the behemoth. It seems like a ridiculous thing to do, since lobsters are born to be delicious, but then they pointed out that this monster was estimated to be 140 goddamned years old.

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And yet it doesn't look a day over "terrifying."

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See, the bizarre thing about lobsters is that they don't really age, in the sense that they don't get weaker or start getting arthritis in their claws as time passes. Instead, they just keep getting bigger and bigger. That's how you can wind up eating the meat of a creature that was born just after the Civil War and who, had it been captured earlier, could have realistically been eaten by Thomas Edison.

Oh, and this isn't even the biggest/oldest lobster ever found -- according to The Guinness Book of World Records, that would be a 44-pound colossus that was caught in 1977. Apparently, no one told them there was also a 51.5-pound one caught in Maine in 1926. How old were those dudes? No one really knows.

Via Whoi.edu, courtesy Dick Allen

If humans aged the same way, Abe Vigoda would be the size of the Statue of Liberty.

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The most amazing part is that lobsters don't suffer through their old age like we do, unless you count the existential angst that probably starts kicking in after the first century. As they keep accumulating years, they don't lose function or get slower -- they actually get more powerful. When they grow so big that their shells can no longer contain them, they simply shed it and grow a new one and keep on trucking.

In fact, scientists believe that lobsters only get hornier and more fertile the "older" they get. We now ask you to imagine a hypothetical 700-year lobster down in some undiscovered depth of the world, meeting another colossus the same age ... and boning.