I was in tears by card #1, and my face is still stained as I write this. Thank you, Secret Santa. <3

So my gift arrived a few days ago, but I waited until I had a private evening to myself to open it. Tonight, I played some Christmas tunes, lit my tree, and I opened a bottle of wine AND my Secret Santa package!

Inside the package, I found five cards labeled by number and an assortment of gifts. You should know that the gifts were absolutely perfect! (I can’t wait to post on r/Teachers; they’ll get a laugh.) You should also know that it was the cards that brought the true spirit of Christmas to me tonight.

You see, a Christmas ago I posted about how my life had changed. Four years ago I was happy and in love and my life was just perfect. I sent out the most perfect Christmas cards with the most perfect family newsletter. We were all bustling merrily. But then it all changed.

The love of my life, and a devoted father, died unexpectedly. We lost everything. I lost everything, and yet I suddenly had to BE everything. I can’t tell you how exhausting it is to fake happiness for the kids. I’ve done the lights and the elves and the tree and the shopping. But I stopped baking and I’ve stopped the entertaining and I’ve stopped the annual cards. My preteen told me that my smiles just aren’t the same.

For years, I’ve tried to heal, but this loss has been too much. I guess I have “complicated grief” or whatnot. Apparently, grief is supposed to follow these prescribed stages and follow a predictable timeline? I’m just different. Four years seems like a long time ago.... and yet it doesn’t.

Anyway, last year I posted on r/GriefSupport about how I used to receive so many Christmas cards, but because my life is....something else, I no longer do. My Secret Santa saw this. My Secret Santa read EVERYTHING, and due to some serious sleuthing, I received my favorite face cream, finger puppets (for my daughter), Christmas ornaments, an Amazon gift card, and a teacher’s favorite...... Sharpies!

My Secret Santa sent me sooooooooo much, and it is the Christmas cards that are dearest to me.

Thanks again, Santa