Today at noon Barack Obama addresses the nation’s schoolchildren .. or a good number of them anyway. Many students won’t hear the speech because of a rather severe miscalculation from the right. Republican screaming and wailing made it sound as if Hugo Chavez was flying in via Aeroflot to speak to our poor, innocent, unsuspecting angels. School districts reacted … and millions of school kids will sit around picking their noses at noon instead of watching the speech.

So now the speech is out. As of yesterday afternoon you could read it on the Internet. I’ve read it, and if there is anything in there that I wouldn’t want my child to have heard from a U.S. President, I certainly couldn’t find it.

Egad! The speech is innocuous! What are we going to do now? I know! We’ll all claim that Obama changed the speech after the uproar from the right! Well, duhhhhhh. Of course he did! Why wouldn’t he! Well, actually he really didn’t have to change it. It probably wasn’t written by the time conservative boxers bunched up en masse. So Obama’s speechwriters took their cue from the right and made the speech essentially bulletproof from the get-go. One sharp mind in a Republican strategy session could have seen this one coming from the next galaxy.

President says he will give speech to schoolchildren.

Republicans say the speech will be full of leftist propaganda

Parents run in circles flailing arms overhead while screaming and shouting.

Some school officials black out Obama’s speech. (racist comment)

Grinning speechwriters prepare speech with no leftist propaganda.

Republicans look like fools.

People now more reluctant to listen to conservative complaints about Obama.

Now how easy was that? For about three days we have parents, the Republican Party and assorted odds spinning around on their eyebrows and spitting wooden nickels over Obama’s speech. He’s going to indoctrinate our children. He’s going to fill them full of socialist ideology. They’re all going to come away from school today singing Kumbaya and waving red flags. They’ll probably stop on the way home from school to buy a Che Guevara t-shirt from vendors the Democrats will have waiting out in front of their schools. Then the hopelessly indoctrinated kids will come home and destroy all the incandescent light bulbs and turn the spare bathtub into a recycling bin. Before they do their homework (reading The Communist Manifesto) they’ll hide the car keys so daddy has to take mass transportation to work on Wednesday.

TeamObama must have loved this one. Talk about a hanging curveball. Once the manic inanity started all they had to do is sit back, prepare an innocuous speech for The One, and let the people scratch their heads wondering what in the hell the Republicans were so upset about! Now the next time the right comes up with an objection to some Obama concept, people who last week might have been on board will stand back and look at the Republicans with a jaundiced eye.

This one was so easy for the left I can’t even think of another 300 words to fill out this column. So just move on to the next one. Two steps forward and three steps back. Unless PrezBO really messes up his address to Congress tonight watch for his popularity ratings to rise. Thanks, Republicans! See if there’s some drug available for that rectal-cranial inversion you’re suffering from.