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If you won't put animal products in your mouth, shouldn't it stand to reason you wouldn't put them on your wang? Or maybe you're courting a vegan, and you want to seal the deal. Lucky for you there are vegan lubes and condoms available, to replace the raw-meat-and-gelatin lube and condoms you were using before.

I had figured that "vegan condom" was sort of a technicality — you can get your facility certified as vegan, maybe, and thus gain the right to put a "vegan" label on your contraceptives. Sort of like getting declared kosher, but instead of a rabbi there's a hipster with dreads. But in fact, a lot of latex condoms contain the milk protein casein, and lubes can have dairy enzymes or honey as ingredients.

Okay, maybe it's a little … committed (in the straitjacket sense of the word) to avoid putting a product on the outside of your body because it has a few molecules in common with dairy. But on the other hand, once you've charmed that cute vegan guy or girl with your ecological savvy, your chances of getting laid go up by at least 15 percent if you've got vegan lube on your nightstand. (Note: All numbers in this post have been fabricated.) So if you're going on the pull at Bonnaroo or Burning Man, here are your options:

Hunt down a retail outlet that imports vegan condoms, like the ones made by Swedish company RFSU. (You can't buy RFSU condoms directly online, unless you buy in bulk.)

Go browsing on the Sensual Vegan website.

Do a buy-one-get-one with Sir Richard's, the TOMS Shoes of (vegan) contraception.

For lubes, check out vegan-friendly lines at Good Clean Love and Elbow Grease (that second site has a slightly NSFW but super hot photo).