This week we are talking about how changes in faith affect our relationships. As I've spoken with college students around the country, I’ve found that many are struggling with parents who react defensively to their questions, doubts, and new ideas. Oh how I wish these parents could talk to my dad!

Peter Held is the senior fellow for Christian Worldview at Bryan College and a professor of Christian Thought and Biblical Studies. He’s also an amazing father, who along with my mother and sister, have encouraged and supported me through all the ups and downs of my faith journey. As he’s encountered other parents with children who doubt, he’s been able to share from his own experience, and has graciously given us a glimpse of what he’s learned in the process.

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In her book, Rachel tells of her personal journey from certainty, through doubt, to faith. It has been remarkable to see how her story has encouraged so many people to continue the journey and not to give up. Over the past year I have heard from many parents who see this painful struggle in their children and ask how they should respond. I have said I would never write a book or give advice about raising children. Every parent knows how unique every child is and how different every situation is. When it comes to helping your children through the difficult passages of life, there is no one way that fits every situation. But here are some ideas that may be helpful:

1. Don’t panic.

This is not an uncommon experience. Young adulthood is a time when it is natural to question values and beliefs and make them their own. Although the church is losing many such strugglers, and church attendance is declining by generation, your child doesn’t have to be among them. In fact, sometimes doubt can be a big step toward a stronger, more intimate faith. Some say it is essential.

The casualty rate seems to be increasing, perhaps because the world has become much smaller for our children. Through technology, media, travel, short term mission trips, they are experiencing the world in ways their parents may never have. When I was growing up my mother told me to eat everything on my plate because there were starving children in India. My children know their names. They’ve held them in their arms. As a result, my children will see the world with different eyes and a different heart and they will be more engaged. For some it will mean asking deeper, more personal, and more troubling questions.

Questioning and doubting are not reserved for the young, and it is not anything new. Moses, Mary, Job, David, Thomas, and others expressed serious doubt and conflict with God. Reread the Psalms and you’ll find more doubting and questioning God than you’ll find praising God. You’ll find that most of the horror stories about young Christians leaving the faith are because of how the doubt was mishandled. Drew Dyke, author of Generation Ex-Christian observes that we have done a poor job of responding to young Christians who doubt. Sadly, some of these children not only leave the church but they also walk away from their parents. (Point #2 seems to contribute to this.)

2. Avoid “bundling” your faith.