I love attending baseball games, hockey games, and the occasional football game (go Redskins!), and I’ve often wondered how I would fare if zombies attacked in a crowded stadium with thousands of drunk, rowdy fans. With baseball season upon us, I thought it would be important to share some tips on how to survive if zombies invade a sporting event. Here are my suggestions:

Baseball: First of all, you should try to attend a game on bat day, when they give away small baseball bats at the entrance of the stadium. This way, you’ll be guaranteed to have a weapon with you, since security won’t allow you to bring weapons into the games. If you want to attend a game on a day when they’re not giving out free bats, I would suggest buying tickets for seats on the lower level near the dugout. If zombies invade, you can easily jump down to the field and raid the dugout, where they’ll have all the bats and helmets you could want.

Football: If zombies attack during a professional football game, my advice is to stay far away from the field. If Brian Urlacher turns into a zombie, you don’t want to be anywhere near him. That would be terrifying! And I don’t think anyone could outrun Devin Hester, even if he’s a zombie. Don’t kick it to Hester!!!

Ice Hockey: I know this is going to sound terrible, but I would love to witness a zombie invasion during an NHL game. How funny would it be to see zombies on ice skates? It can’t be easy to shuffle on skates. On the other hand, it would be really difficult to kill zombies that have on protective pads and facemasks. If you’re lucky enough to watch a hockey/zombie massacre, it’s probably best to be near an exit. Enjoy the action until it gets out of hand, and then RUN!!

Don’t let the idea of a mob of zombies trapped in a stadium scare you away from sporting events. Just have fun, and make sure you can get your hands on a weapon at a moment’s notice. And if you can’t get away from the zombies, at least you’ll die with a stomach full of hot dogs and beer!