CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Former Minister For Foreign affairs and perennially overlooked Liberal Party stalwart, Julie Bishop has today been found safe after a very close call in South-West Tasmania’s Gordon River.

Bishop, the third-option in last year’s chaotic Lib-Spill that almost certainly spelled the death of the Coalition Government, was spotted delicately paddling to shore after diving off an out of control jet boat full of volatile explosives that was heading towards the 40-metre thick double curvature concrete arch dam at roughly 90 knots.

The outgoing Member for Curtin was seen safety diving off the back of the jet boat, leaving several of her colleagues on board after failing to persuade them to change course.

Ms Bishop was the Liberal Party’s deputy leader for 11 years, and served as Australia’s foreign minister under Tony Abbott when he announced his plans to physically assault an ex-KGB officer turned sensitive world leader, and effectively told the developed Muslim world that he thought every single one of them was in ISIS.

She was also foreign minister under Malcolm Turnbull when Peter Dutton thought that the silent majority of Australia would prefer a former highway cop facing multiple accusations of human rights violations and political corruption as their Prime Minister, a since disproven sentiment that has resulted in the 7th change in Prime Minister in 10 years.

She ran for the leadership when Mr Turnbull was deposed, but lost to The Nightwatchman.

Ms Bishop’s safe getaway from what almost certainly looks like a horrible burning wreck that has great potential to damage the environment even further, also coincides with her announcement to not recontest her blue-ribbon Western Australian Liberal safe seat in the next election.

It is believed Julie Bishop plans to take a job as the head of PR for the NRL, in an effort to escape the engrained misogyny and inappropriate conduct she has come to know in the Liberal Party.