I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

In 1892, The Pledge of Allegiance was published in The Youth Companion, a popular children’s magazine. At a time where patriotism within the United States was at a low point in composer Francis Bellamy’s eyes, he hoped that the simple tune would inspire the same feelings of pro-American pathos felt around the time of the revolution over 100 years prior. Appearing in the magazine on September 8th, it coincided with the National Public-School Celebration of the 400th anniversary of Columbus Day. Conceived by James B. Upham, a key marketer for the publication, the event was intended as a way to instill the idea of American nationalism by selling flags to students.

Ever since then, The Pledge of Allegiance has been a staple in our country’s psyche. From being recited in the openings of Congressional sessions to being read over the P.A. at the beginning of the school day, this simple pledge has come a long way since its simple spot in a children’s magazine. For Upham, this is a dream come true, for when speaking to his wife, he told her: “…if I can instill into the minds of our American youth a love for their country and the principles on which it was founded, and create in them an ambition to carry on with the ideals which the early founders wrote into The Constitution, I shall not have lived in vain.” Luckily for Upham, he did not live in vain. For this vision came true, probably far beyond his imagination.

Many would consider The Pledge as a sacred piece of American patriotism, an important and nearly perfect way to quickly show your love of this great country. But I am here to tell you that I believe that The Pledge of Allegiance should be abolished.

For over a century, the American people have been duped into allowing The Pledge to be a permanent entity of our collective consciousness, without knowing the truth behind it. Most people don’t even know who James B. Upham or Edward Bellamy even were, let alone know what their true motives behind their “masterpiece.” Plain and simple, The Pledge of Allegiance was designed as a way of controlling the American people.

Let’s begin by going back to 1882, ten years before its publication. Bellamy was just wrapping up his run for Governor of New York, having lost to his daughter-in-law. Deeply saddened by the loss of years’ worth of hard work, he looked for a way to soothe his unhappiness. It was around this time that he discovered the Dark Arts, an important aspect of now secular Satanism. Starting with a simple fascination and eventually turning into a complete obsession, Bellamy founded his own chapter of Satanism, located in his hometown of Mount Morris in New York.

After the founding of his Satanist church, Bellamy found his pride and joy in life. His brother Daniel was quoted as saying “it was the happiest” he had ever seemed. However, as the years went on, it seemed that Bellamy was falling back into the deep pits of depression. At his lowest point, he finally threw his hands down to Satan and proclaimed “I’ve put my entire soul into making you happy! What else can I do for you? Please, tell me what to do!”

According to “The Life of Francis Bellamy” it was here that Satan himself rose from the ground and came before him. Bellamy was shocked to find that he looked nothing like the way he was depicted in contemporary art and literature. Satan was tall, seemed to be of African descent, and wore a suit and tie. He told the quivering man before him that his real name was Barrack Hussein Obama, and that he had big plans for Bellamy’s future. Bellamy was to write a pledge for all Americans, swearing allegiance to the United States, but with a key point that was sure to be misread: under God. Many people don’t realize that the under portion of The Pledge of Allegiance is actually italicized.

By stating that our nation is under God, America is actually cooperating with Satan. And because Ballamy and Barrack Obama swore a blood oath, there’s nothing God or Jesus Christ can do about it, according to Heavenly Law. In order to please his master, Bellamy went right to work on creating such a pledge for all Americans. Ten years later, he published it with the help of James B. Upham, a fellow member of his Satanist fellowship.

On his deathbed, Satan reappeared before him, to congratulate him on his victory of duping the American public. It was here that the devil himself explained his master plan for completely dominating the country, and eventually the world. In 2008, he was to run for election of President of the United States. Nobody would know that he was actually the Prince of Darkness, although his skin was dark, the people wouldn’t pick up on that clue. After winning the love and support of the people, he would eventually go on to be dictator of the world, gathering a massive army to battle with God and his son Jesus Christ. Defeating them both, Barrack would go on to rule the entire universe.

The Pledge of Allegiance has existed long enough. It’s time to end the dark pact with Satan/Obama and abolish it. If we don’t, our entire society will fall slaves to his evil Democratic and liberal agenda. Just by saying the words of The Pledge, you are supporting abortion, welfare checks, and most disgusting of all: unions.

We must start by burning down every school in America. Without these liberal concentration camps, Obama will not be able to spread his lies to the impressionable youth. After achieving our objective there, phase one will be complete.

Phase two will be about public relations, because we will be sure to lose a lot of support after firebombing all the schools. We have several people ready to run the Facebook page of the organization. Postings will include funny memes and videos of cats to gain back public support.

Phase three will be the last and final stage of our plan. My friend Steve has access to several nuclear silos in Wyoming. From there, we will initiate an all-out war on Obama and his crew of liberal demons. And from the ashes, we will rise. Due to the loss of infrastructure, our organization will be able to quickly gain power. With 90% of the American public obliterated, we will rise to dominance by giving the remaining 10% non-irradiated cookies and milk. There, they will give us leadership positions and we will be able to smite the remaining minions of Obama completely.

This seems like an easy plan, but it will not be easy whatsoever. There is still much more work to do, and we need all the help we can get. Our organization holds weekly meetings at the St. Joseph Mercy Psychiatric Hospital, and we would love to see some new members. We will fight. We will win.