Are you about to go on a first date with a radical feminist?

Me neither. My wife probably wouldn’t approve.

But if you are, my favorite left-wing blog, Everyday Feminism, published a guide to help you make sure your evening out goes swimmingly. The piece, entitled “10 Questions Every Intersectional Feminist Should Ask On a First Date,” can show you what to expect on your outing with your feminist crush.

Out of the benevolence of my generous heart, I have not only given quotes from the author of the piece, but I have also provided answers to the questions presented in the article. You’ll even get handy examples of wrong answers, so you won’t make any mistakes — other than going on a date with a radical feminist, of course.

You can thank me later.

1. Do you believe That Black Lives Matter?

“There are three categories that are non-negotiables for me: an understanding of race, class, and gender. Not everyone understands how these three can be insidious, systemic and intertwined, but anyone who doesn’t take the time to learn how systemic racism works isn’t going to care about how racism affects me or people who are darker-skinned than I am.”

Wrong Answer: Yes, I do believe that black lives matter. Police brutality is a serious issue and officers who abuse their authority should be held accountable. However, I don’t think encouraging hatred towards the majority of law enforcement is helpful, especially since most police officers do their jobs the right way.

Right Answer: Of course, black lives matter! I regularly attend Black Lives Matter (BLM) protests where I am forced to stand in the back of the crowd because I’m white. It is my duty as a “woke” ally to call out anyone who doesn’t believe that all police officers are racist pigs who beat black people in the streets every day.

2. What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation?

“One out of many important elements to dismantling patriarchy is to abolish gender roles as well as the limited understanding that we have about sexuality and gender itself. I can’t imagine being with someone who is transphobic; as a feminist and woman of color, it would be a betrayal of what I stand for. Ignoring trans-misogynoir would be to deny one of the biggest, most despicable problems that we face.”

Wrong Answer: Well, I don’t believe that men can become women or vice versa, but I feel every American should have the right to make their own decisions about their lives. It’s none of my business. And what in the world does misogynoir mean?

Right Answer: Gender is nothing but a social construct, so people can be whatever sex they choose – even if biology says differently. Biology is nothing more than a sexist pig who probably voted for Donald Trump. By the way, would you prefer me being a man? A woman? I’m flexible.

3. How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life?

“Beyond Misogyny 101, does the person you are with understand rape culture, systemic sexism, and misogynoir? Are they willing to learn if they don’t? Misogyny is more than the pay gap.”

Wrong Answer: I think sexism is abhorrent and rape is evil. As a matter of fact, none of my male friends think it’s a positive thing. Actually, most men, in general, think rapists should be locked under the prison and not released until – well, never. I’m not convinced we have an entire culture of rape. But seriously, what is misogynoir?

Right Answer: I understand that as a man, I’m 100% guilty of rape and sexual assault, despite the fact that I have never raped or sexually assaulted anyone. Testosterone forces me to perpetuate a culture of rape, misogyny, and toxic masculinity – and I hate myself for it. As women and allies, we must rise up against all forms of sexism and – oh wait; I’m mansplaining now. I’m such a disgusting pig! Forgive me?

4. What are your thoughts on sex work?

“You may scratch your head at this one, but much like racism and misogynoir, being a pro-sex worker is a necessary pillar of dismantling the patriarchy. I don’t mean pro-sex worker in the sense where non-sex workers write op-eds and think pieces about how sex work is amazing and feminist.”

Wrong Answer: *scratching your head* I’m not sure how being pro-sex worker helps anyone. Do I think sex work is amazing and feminist? Not really – I think it demeans women, but what do I know? As I said before, people have the right to make their own life choices. And for the love of God, what in the blue blazes is misogynoir?

Right Answer: Yes! Being pro-sex worker is one of the most critical issues in my life. Every day, I spend countless hours thinking about how strippers, prostitutes, and porn stars are crucial in our fight against white, heterosexual, Christian men. The best way to keep women from being objectified is to promote industries that objectify them. It’s perfect! It’s like black people using the “N-word.”

5. Are you a supporter of the BDS movement?

“BDS stands for “Boycott, Divest, Sanctions” — an effort to end international support for Israel’s oppression of Palestinians. I grew up with Jewish (Israeli and non-Israeli) friends and Palestinian friends. Before even understanding how power and oppression worked together, we understood the trivial hatred that colonized and put in constant danger the lives of Palestinians every single day.”

Wrong Answer: The Arab-Israeli conflict is a complex issue, and It’s important to understand the nuanced history of the conflict. For instance, if the Palestinians have been so oppressed, why have they rejected every single offer for peace that Israel has made over the past 60 years? Why do they prop up terrorist groups like Hamas? Is it possible that it’s not just the Israelis who need to work towards a peaceful solution?

Right Answer: The Arab-Israeli conflict is simple: the Jews swept into the country of Palestine, kicked out all the Arabs, fought wars with their neighbors, and now, they’re committing genocide against the Palestinians every single day. I’m not anti-Semitic, but Zionism is creepy. At least that’s what Linda Sarsour thinks.

I hope the answers to these first five questions have helped. The point to remember is that logical, balanced answers to these questions will not impress her.

If you are going to win her over, you must understand the world of intersectionality. Fortunately, this isn’t hard. Anything that screams victimhood and casts white men as vile hellspawn will put you on the right track. Oh, and make sure you know what misogynoir means.

Tune back in tomorrow for the last five questions in part two!