Anthony Rizzo led all National League first basemen in …

On-base percentage.

Slugging percentage.

OPS.

wOBA.

wRC+.

WAR.

Home Runs.

Anthony Rizzo did not, however, win tonight’s Silver Slugger award at first base. It went to Adrian Gonzalez, probably because he topped Rizzo in the all-important RBI category.

In every other respect – that is to say, every statistical category that matters – Rizzo whooped Gonzalez. Rizzo had him by 46(!) points of wOBA, by 25(!) points of wRC+, and by 96(!!!) points of OPS. Hell, Rizzo even got Gonzalez by 10 points in batting average, so it ain’t like the baseball card stats did him in.

But clearly Gonzalez was the better offensive player this year. OK.

I could deal with the Gold Glove Gonzalez took from Rizzo this year, but this, man. This will not stand.