Name: The House Next Door

Age: Built sometime in the 1970s.

Appearance: Four bedroom, three-and-a-half-bathroom, single-level ranch-style house in a sleepy Chappaqua cul-de-sac.

A Chappaqua cul-de-sac, you say? Yes.

My unexpected but comprehensive knowledge of northern Westchester County, New York real estate tells me that is where the Clintons – one Bill, one Hillary – bought their house. You are correct.

A house comprising 5,232 square feet of late-1800s, gambrel-roofed delight, set in an acre of expansive lawn ringed by mature trees, purchased for $1.7m (£1.28m) in late 1999, I believe, unless I am more mistaken than a Trump voter. Very impressive. But this is the one next door, which they bought for $1.16m in August 2016.

Fancied a bit more room did they? Sort of. Hillary admitted in an interview with CBS this weekend that the second house was bought to accommodate White House staff and security when she ... you know ...

Won the election? Yes.

Has she burned it to the ground? You couldn’t blame her, but no. She says she doesn’t regret the purchase and used its dining room to write much of her new memoir, What Happened, an account of losing the presidency to Trump.

Did she need long to scrawl “WTAF!?!” across a wodge of tear-and-blood-sodden pages? Again, you couldn’t blame her, but no – it’s a proper book. 512 pages from Simon & Schuster. All typed, as Victoria Wood once said, loads of spelling.

So she has some thoughts on the subject? One or two, yes.

Such as? The current president being “the least experienced, least knowledgeable, least competent” in history and “a clear and present danger to the country and the world” whose inaugural address she heard as “a howl straight from the white nationalist gut”.

Who does she blame? Herself, Comey, Russia, sexism, racism. Not necessarily in that order.

Will she run again? Would you?

Do say: “I was running a traditional presidential campaign with carefully thought-out policies and painstakingly built coalitions, while Trump was running a reality TV show that expertly and relentlessly stoked Americans’ anger and resentment. I was giving speeches laying out how to solve the country’s problems. He was ranting on Twitter.”

Don’t say: “Sad!”