Cried Myself an Ocean

A break-up with someone you love is beyond devastating, particularly when your failed attempts to salvage the relationship, unfortunately, leave you in a state between drained and confused. After you get dumped, the notion of feeling normal again seems impossible to ever attain. Wanting to walk out your front door to be a productive member of society is exhausting. Instead, you choose to stay in bed, crying hysterically. Sounds a tad melodramatic, right? The thought of a grown adult, sobbing onto their pillow, leaving traces of snot behind is hard to understand, if you aren’t human.

When my heart was broken, my mind was left paralyzed. My body was a shell with nothing inside, except for a heart praying for the pain to go away. And when it didn’t, I became jaded. I transformed from a person with a whole, bleeding heart, into a robot on an automatic pilot setting, unconsciously going through the daily motions. Even now, the thought of that time in my life brings me to tears. I was miserable, sad, and stranded alone with my feelings. I lost my best friend, lover and partner-in-crime all in a matter of seconds, and as a result, I lost myself in the pain.

During the first couple of days after the earth shattering bombshell was dropped on me, I was an absolute hot mess – not hot like in a sexy way, either. Physically speaking, I looked worse than a dead corpse. The dead eyes, oily and knotted hair were not a good look for me in the slightest. If someone on the street asked me if I was in need of a dollar, I wouldn’t have taken offense to it. I was aware of how easily I could’ve passed for a homeless junkie. I felt shitty on the inside, so it only made sense for my outside to look gross, too.

Do You Really Want To Move On?

The duration of heartache caused by a break-up is an awful place for your soul to be in, but eventually your spirit gets tired of being there. Instead of having consideration for myself, I became fixated on how he dumped me. I couldn’t think, see, or hear anything, but rejection. Needless to say, a question I began asking myself was whether I even wanted to be with him. I was seriously getting over the whole pity party I kept throwing myself.

So, I stopped google searching, “ways to get over my ex.” I reflected on the relationship with my ex and asked myself – Did he make me happy?

Think about your future. Can you see yourself with the person who broke your heart into a million little grains of sand? Look at your face. Is there joy bursting from within this mental time machine?

Or do you sense doubt? Are you uncertain this person possesses the ability to love you unconditionally, without tattooing it on his or her forehead?

Honestly think if this person is worth the tears of sorrow streaming down your face. Do you value this person more than yourself, enough to resemble Moses after he walked through the desert for 40 days & nights?

You should ask yourself this – Do you want to move on from the relationship?

Take the Risk or Pick Yourself Up?

If you confidently know that you are better off without your ex then smooth sailing awaits you on the island of now worries. You’ll eventually move on, randomly looking back and laughing at the performance you put on for friends and family during this tragic time.

However, if you wholeheartedly feel that this person is your soul mate… well, buckle your seatbelt, darling; It’s going to be a long and bumpy ride on the Limbo highway. This purgatory you’re putting yourself into is challenging, of course, and very dangerous for your ego. You take on a lot of risk with this choice. Exerting all that energy into a person, who may or may not want to be with you, is ultimately going to take its toll on you, and usually, with an extremely expensive price tag attached.

Which Pill Are You Going to Swallow?

It may sound cliché, and perhaps it’s already cliché by using the word, but I believe, there’s a happy ending waiting somewhere for all of us. For some it takes longer to find than others. Yet, we should never lose faith. The whiplash brought on by this tiresome heartbreak can’t last forever.

Ultimately, only you can decide what’s best for you. If you’re going through a break-up and want to move on, please remember; do not swallow yourself into a deep depression, specifically for someone who isn’t perfect for you. Don’t allow self-pity to take over, because sooner or later, your soul mate will find you.

In the meantime, keep reminding yourself – Does he make your heart and soul happy?

Hopefully, that question will add some comfort into your life.

Wondering about the decision I made towards my heartbreak? Stay tuned…

– hippiegolf