Re: Coming out hasn’t come as far as we think, Teitel, Aug. 11

Coming out hasn’t come as far as we think, Teitel, Aug. 11

As a senior gay man, I was delighted to read Emma Teitel’s column on coming out. As open and accepting as Canada has become, coming out remains an event fraught with fear and anxiety for many.

Apart from blatant homophobia that continues to exist, even in Toronto, I believe an important psychological dynamic is internalized homophobia. I grew up getting a very clear message at home, at school, in my place of worship, in the media and from my doctors that being gay was aberrant and, in some unexplained way, dirty and evil.

Those messages must have been imprinted on my psychological makeup. But at the same time, I was totally powerless over my choice of sexual preference. I’m not a therapist but what a horrible dilemma that was for me.

Growing up with those messages, which continue to this day, and hearing about institutionalized homophobia in most parts of the world, leading in some cases to the killing of gay people, how could this not become part of my psychological makeup.

The trauma of growing up this way has affected many areas of my life. I believe it will take many generations of acceptance before gay people will truly be integrated into the fabric of our society. I feel grateful every day that this journey is well underway.

Melvin Tonken, Toronto