ending

/ˈɛndɪŋ/ noun an end or final part of something.

“Everything that has a beginning has an end.”

The Oracle, The Matrix Revolutions

140 days ago, my journey began. It ends today.

I’ve read somewhere that you should spend your money on experiences, since a few months/years down the road you will only remember the good parts. I wholeheartedly agree. I remember the last two times I’ve been in south-east Asia I swore myself to never return. I got very sick both times; the second time I got salmonella and was very, very ill. The fun stops when you have 40+ degrees C and only wake up from your delirium because you have to vomit while simultaneously having explosive diarrhoea. I did not remember any of this when I decided to spend the winter in south-east Asia to go climbing.

In any case, I returned to south-east Asia again – and all in all I had a good time! No serious illness, no serious injury, no serious troubles. On paper it was the recipe to have the time of my life; in reality I often wondered what I’m doing here.

“In philosophy and ethics, an end is the ultimate goal in a series of steps. For example, according to Aristotle the end of everything we do is happiness.”

Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia

Happiness. The end of everything we do. I thought that I would be happy traveling the world. Going places. Meeting people. “Living the dream.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen amazing places and met even more amazing people. I’m very grateful for that. Yet, happiness eluded me, most of the time. Even as I am typing this I’m having difficulty with this confession: I haven’t been happy most of the time.

Why that is I can’t really tell. Maybe I’m not good at living in the moment. Maybe I’m not made for traveling solo. Maybe I miss my girl. Maybe I miss my friends. Maybe I miss home. Maybe it’s a little bit of all of those.

It’s not that I was overly depressed or sad – I was neutral, so to speak. The thing is I’d like to think of myself as a very happy person in general. Overly optimistic at times, but generally genuinely happy. At least I used to be. I can’t tell you what happened. I blame time zones, bad internet connections and not being able to interact with the people I love in real time (and in person).

“I shall take the heart… for brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world.”

L. Frank Baum (The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, 1900)

As soon as I decided to end my journey and go back home, a lot has changed. The uncertainty vanished. The anxiety of wandering around aimlessly disappeared. I was no longer feeling like I’m wasting my time. I realise that this sounds stupid – after all the time is not wasted – but that’s how I felt, even if it was just a part of me.

We are living in a strange world. A world where it is very easy to share your thoughts with friends and family, or with strangers on the Internet. It’s a strange thing, sharing your inner thoughts with the world. I’m not sure why I do did.

On the one hand I believe in privacy. I am not an advocate of reckless and relentless over-sharing. Unfortunately we are living in a society that will punish you for your secrets. If history has anything to teach us, it is that things can get very ugly very quickly. Suddenly you find yourself in jail – or worse – because you have read a certain book, hold a certain belief or have certain sexual preferences.

On the other hand I believe in openness. I believe in transparency. I believe in sharing. I believe that the world would be a better place if everyone realised that people are more alike than they are different. Fighting the same fight, day in day out.

I want to end this post by thanking every single one of you. This blog was part experiment, part travel journal. For me it was mostly an outlet. For you, I hope it was at least somewhat entertaining. Thank you for taking the time to look at my pictures. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.

The amount of positive feedback I got was overwhelming. Many people wrote directly to me, wishing me luck, complimenting me, sharing words of encouragement. Some of you who wrote me I haven’t heard from in months or even years. Others were complete strangers. Others are close friends. Some I’ve met on the way, and I hope that our paths will cross again in the future. I want to thank you all. I probably would not have made it through the hard times if it weren’t for you.

It is easy to feel insignificant in this overly connected world. Every day we are drowning in our Facebook and Twitter feeds. We share pictures of everything and anything on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. We have access to all the worlds knowledge as well as all the worlds nonsense at any time of the day. Due to all this noise it is easy to think that nobody is interested in you, what you do, what you have to say. I thought almost nobody would show any interest (except for my mum of course – hi mum!). The fact that I threw this blog together in 20 minutes in Mike’s living room during one of the most stressful days of my life did not help. (Thanks again for letting me crash there.) I thought no one would care about an unpolished stream of rambling thoughts and amateurish pictures.

Yet, 140 days and 30 posts later, almost 6000 visitors accumulated over 14000 views. I’m still blown away by this.

“What one needs to do at every moment of one’s life is to put an end to the old world and to begin a new world.”

Nikolai Berdyaev, The Beginning and the End (1947).

This is what I’ll do. Begin a new world. What shape and form this world will take I do not know – the vision of it will probably change a little bit every day. I know I can’t do it all by myself. But I want to help where I can. I want to help to create a better world for myself, the people I care about, future generations, society as a whole. That might sound ambitious, or outright crazy. I like to think that it is possible, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to try.

“Many of the world’s great movements, of thought and action, have flowed from the work of a single man. A young monk began the Protestant Reformation, a young general extended an empire from Macedonia to the borders of the earth, and a young woman reclaimed the territory of France. It was a young Italian explorer who discovered the New World, and 32-year-old Thomas Jefferson who proclaimed that all men are created equal. “Give me a place to stand,” said Archimedes, “and I will move the world.” These men moved the world, and so can we all.”

Robert F. Kennedy

Thank you, again, for everything. Thank you for sticking around from the beginning to the end. Who knows what kind of adventure is about to begin. After all, new things can only begin when old ones are ending.