

BOONE, NC — The Boone Police Department has warned the public to be cautious due to the so-called “Yang Gang” expanding into the Boone metropolitan area.

The growing group of ex-”Bernie Bros” has seemingly found another progressive campaign to hijack with altruistic whitewashing and champagne socialism, believing that a single basic economic program can solve every complex intersectional social issue facing the nation that most negatively affect the oppressed groups that they so eagerly ignore.

“Our community truly needs to be on high alert,” said Boone Police Lieutenant Richard Dalton. “This dangerous new nationwide gang has set their sights on our community, and many like it, and unless we take deliberate action now, they could do significant damage to our community with their ‘memes’ about ‘universal basic income.’”

While Boone officials seemed cautious about the issue, academics who have studied this new organized crime ring are sounding alarms about the damage it can do.

“The Yang Gang is truly the greatest threat to the general public that America faces today,” said Appalachian criminology professor Joanne Williams. “These people are delusional. Not only does this gang of formerly right-wing or ‘centrist’ college-aged white dudes think $1,000 a month is a suitable alternative for a social safety net and substantive governmental reform, but they think Andrew Yang can win the Democratic primary. I’ve never seen anything like it. Who knows what such dangerously misled minds are capable of?”

However, not everyone in the community is too concerned about Yang’s band of well-intentioned, upper middle class thugs.

“Whoa dude, that’s boomer talk,” said local Yang campaign organizer Calvin Peters as he dabbed at reporters. “What you normies fail to realize is that Biden’s campaign is more dead than Harambe. Yang is the only candidate left who can yeet Trump back to 2016. By the way, Bernie is kind of cringe, bro.”

At press time, a horde of Yang Gangsters led by Peters was seen Naruto running across Sanford Mall towards a group of freshmen in order to “show them some sick vape tricks and talk about the only man who can win the 2020 presidential election, bro.”