So sultry. So seductive.This is the hottest show on television, and the sexiest character on it probably weighs more than a minibus. Mmmmm.

We could analyze alot of things from this episode. Garnet tolerated Greg’s music. A couple admitted to having relations out of wedlock, on Cartoon Network no less. A hundred thousand adolescents have had their definition of “oh baaaby” transformed forever. We could talk about many things. We will talk about the thirst.

The thirst. The thirst is real, and the thirst is good. My tumblrite compatriots will come out in droves to make this about the struggles of being bisexual. The rolfing regeants of reddit will think they’re calling it like it is and say Bird Mom’s a total bitch. 4chan will draw lewd pictures, preferably while Pearl smokes a cigarette.

Smoker’s cough: My Fetish.

The thirst is all these things. (Yes, even cancer sticks) The thirst is attachment. The thirst is devotion, the thirst is jealousy; it is insecurity, desire and love. One who thirsts may even burst if she does not drink in moderation. The sex drive is the base drive of all living things, but the thirst supersedes even that.

The thirst is not to be understood with the mind; it is to be understood with the heart. Picture a girl and her slightly older friend. Her culture has accustomed her to exploring a level of intimacy with her companions that would not be expected of men. They play games of motherhood with each other, and from childhood understand what it feels like to absent mindlessly caress another’s flesh while in bed.

Now picture that intimacy going away. It happens slowly; the age gap separates them in ways that mean much more than numbers. They change and grow and stagnate. They resent and fear and regret what is becoming of them and their partner, or worse, they tire of how nothing has changed at all.

And now comes the Other. In your eyes the Other is not worthy of your dear one’s time. You do not see what she sees in him. (OR HER, or her) She and he see what you do not; you do not want to be alone. You are alone more and more, so every second with her is sacred. Yet those seconds are changed; the games you played are becoming her reality, and that reality has left you behind.

So you sulk. You vilify the other, and eventually everyone else, including yourself. You look for something to fill the void in your life, only to realize that the thing that had been filling that void has been her. Without her you’re lost.

Chicks be cray cray, but Pearl has a right to be cray cray. She has fought and nearly died for her friend. Greg isn’t worthy of her friend, her liege, her inspiration, temptation and beloved superior. No one is worthy of her emanence, not even Pearl herself. And so Fear of Abandonment leads to Anger at the would be abductor of your sunshine, which in turn leads to hating him, which leads to your friend distancing herself from you in order to shield him from your vitriol. And thus is born suffering. Suffering is of the dark side. Bitchiness is of the darkside. Everything ties to Star Wars, even thirst.

Next up I play catch up, and try to talk about the horrors of videogame weapons leveling.