Warning: This post contains spoilers for the end of Avengers: Endgame which, if you haven’t seen it yet and are planning to do so, please do so quickly because it’s very hard to stay spoiler-free.

Of all the complicated, moving and ultimately heartbreaking friendships in the MCU, Avengers: Endgame proves that the relationship between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark was, ultimately, the one that mattered most. Over the course of six films, their relationship evolved from that of comical competition to one of deep admiration and loyalty, that ultimately not only changed both for the better, but defined the MCU.

In their first meeting in the Avengers, the two are like oil and water, trading barbs and leaning into their instantaneous dislike for each other. Their oppositional nature was played up not just for huge comic affect, but also created the push and pull tension of the early MCU.

Their first prolonged exchange in Avengers, includes, frankly, one of the best MCU burns ever delivered, but it’s their later fight that lays the foundation for the rest of their friendship.

Steve cuts to the core of Tony’s insecurity, and says that he’s nothing more than a fancy suit of armor. Tony retaliates just as viciously, calling Steve a lab experiment gone wrong and says that that everything special about him came out of a bottle.

As far as friendships go, it’s not a great foot to start off on. Any decent therapist will tell you that punching so low doesn’t lay the foundation for a lot of emotional trust. Still, it’s clear that they each have the other figured out. There’s no room for false pretenses, or the kind of subterfuge and camouflage that so many superficial friendships are based on. These men, within minutes of meeting, know each others deepest weaknesses and insecurities, and after initially lashing out, work to earn the trust and respect of the other.

Cap and Iron Man have an uneasy truce through the rest of the Avengers film and through Ultron, but Civil War tests the bond they’ve created. For all its huge set pieces, one of the most riveting moments of Civil War is the tense conference room scene between Steve and Tony, as Tony tries to get Steve to sign the Accords one last time. Steve almost acquiesces before declining at the last minute.

“When I see a situation pointed south, I can’t ignore it. Sometimes I wish I could,” Steve tells Tony.

“No, you don’t,” Tony says.

The camera then lingers on a knowing smile from Steve. It’s clear that Tony knows Steve just as well as he knows himself. Their bond, despite their fundamental ideological differences is still there.

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Constantly in the MCU, Steve and Tony are the two holding each other accountable when no one else can. Nick Fury can’t reign them in, and neither can Pepper Potts or even Bucky Barnes, the two people closest to them in their personal lives.

They butt heads constantly, challenging each other, pushing each other, and in the process hold each other to a higher moral standard. As far as representations of male friendships go on screen, it’s one of the more complicated and empathetic ones around.

Endgame gives Steve and Tony more time together than they’ve shared since Civil War, but it’s still only a handful of moments in a giant, ensemble film. But, both Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr. make the most of those scenes, cutting to the heart of the emotional bond between the two quickly.

In the first scene they share, an ailing Tony arrives at Avengers HQ after being stranded in space for weeks. A distraught Steve runs to help support him. The two exchange a look, and, despite this being their first meeting since the fallout of Civil War, Tony confesses his guilt and agony at not being unable to defeat Thanos and losing Peter Parker in the snap.

“I lost,” Tony says.

Steve, like a devoted friend, helps him shoulder that burden and changes Tony’s I to a We. It’s not only a moment of reconciliation, but shows us something we’ve seen over and over again, which is that Steve and Tony’s bond isn’t a facade of powerful male posturing, but about being able to be vulnerable with each other.

Endgame has a lot of emotional moments, but none are as intensely so as the scene that follows Steve and Tony’s reunion. As the cobbled together team tries to formulate another plan to reverse Thanos’ snap, Tony unleashes a torrent of hurt and rage at Steve, blaming him for the mess they’re in, and Steve can do nothing but stand there and take the criticism because he knows he has it coming. It is, in many ways, just like the scene from the first Avengers film that cuts to the heart of their insecurities. No one else in the group can say these words to the two most powerful men in the room, they can only do that for each other.

This friendship then becomes crucial for each character, because it’s ultimately what allows the other to find some kind of peace with their life. As the battle with Thanos looms, Tony knows he’s arrived at the moment he’s been dreading since Wanda’s vision in Ultron. His greatest fear has never been his own death, but that of all his friends. In a final act of desperation, he steals the Infinity Stones and snaps his fingers. It is a moment of selflessness, the laying down on the wire so the other guy can crawl over him. Tony’s sacrifice isn’t all due to the influence of Steve, his inner nature and love for his family play a large part as well, but it is a direct response to the kind of person his friendship Steve Rogers has pushed him to be, which is someone better than he believed he could be.

In an indirect parallel, in the final moments of Endgame, Steve finally puts down the shield and returns to a life with Peggy Carter. He has finally, taken the advice that Tony has been pushing on him for ages. He builds himself a life and enjoys the peace that brings him. He learns that there’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish and valuing your own happiness. This to, is a direct result of having Tony Stark in his life.

Superhero movies are ostensibly made for kids, a way to idealize and emulate virtuous qualities, but Steve and Tony’s friendship, from the very beginning, has always been about the way adults navigate relationships, with no small amount of ego and hubris. For this relationship to work, both Steve and Tony have to let their guard down, invite criticism and agree to look at their own flaws. The best friendships then, change us to our core. They empower us, push us, and let us build better versions of ourselves through the eyes of others.