Boyle column: What's your most dreaded drive in the Asheville area?

Upon hearing the news that the DOT has hatched a plan to widen a good chunk of Merrimon Avenue, my first thought was: I better hurry over there quick to have one last head-on collision!

Seriously, I first thought, "Hallelujah! About time!"

For years, I've dreaded my occasional trips up this four-lane demolition derby of a highway, which crams four lanes with no divider on a corridor packed with businesses and a mere 21,000 vehicles a day, all seemingly trying to randomly turn left without signaling beforehand.

Who among us has not made the horrific mistake of getting stuck behind a car making a left turn on Merrimon, and then waiting two days for traffic to clear?

The DOT plan calls for adding a center turn lane to the four-lane avenue from W.T. Weaver Boulevard to about 600 feet north of Edgewood Road near the entrances to Autobell Car Wash and Asheville Pizza & Brewing Co.

This being Asheville, though, City Council is now up in arms that it wasn't consulted on the project plans, and I expect it's all going to go back to the drawing board for a redo.

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Asheville wants more input on bike traffic and pedestrian features, which I totally get. Buncombe has a history of building roads or expanding them with no thought given to anyone other than motorists.

So yes, Merrimon is a nightmare and likely will remain that way for awhile. Now that City Council is involved, a solid plan should emerge in no longer than a decade.

Just for fun, I drove up and down the corridor Thursday afternoon, studiously avoiding left-turning cars and keeping my eyes peeled for vehicles jumping out of businesses into the right lane without looking.

Sure, it's a mess and a touch nerve-wracking, but as one mom getting into her minivan outside of a store told me, "I think 240 is way worse."

She had a point, and it got me to thinking: You know, compared to some places I drive, Merrimon really isn't that bad. That led me to ponder this: Which roadway is my least favorite to drive around here?

I've lived here since 1995, and I've logged a lot of miles in and around Asheville and beyond, whether for interviews, hiking, brewpub touring or just regular old living.

Cruising Merrimon, I thought, "Sheesh, this is nowhere near as bad as Hendersonville Road."

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I live in Fletcher, and I usually come into work on Interstate 26, which runs a really close second to Hendersonville Road on my frustration-o-meter (which rises and falls in my car, like a Prius telling you what your gas mileage is every second).

Hendersonville Road in the Arden/Skyland area is now absolutely choked with stoplights, businesses and apartments. It can make a grown man want to mount a paintball machine gun on his hood to send a message to traffic that does not move when the lights are green.

But I-26 during the tourist season, which now seems to run from about April 1 through, well, the end of March, has gotten to be a real nightmare, especially anywhere near the Brevard Road interchange, which is getting an overhaul. A few years back, the N.C. DOT considerably improved the notorious "Malfunction Junction," the confluence of 26, 40 and 240, but it's still a choke point during every rush hour.

And it too is no stranger to the mysterious standstill without reason, or as I like to call it, the "mystery stoppage." You're driving along and suddenly traffic comes to a halt. You proceed slowly for miles but never find a fender-bender, unicorn roadkill or any other legitimate reason for the slowdown.

Drivers are all looking around at each other accusingly, as if to say, "You caused this, fat man checking Facebook." Which, for the record, I do not do.

So, on my list, I'm putting Hendersonville Road, from the Blue Ridge Parkway south to about Long Shoals Road, on the top of the list of my most frustrating drives, followed by I-26 in from Long Shoals Road to Malfunction Junction.

Any list of annoying local drives would be remiss without mentioning the Bowen Bridge, formerly the Smoky Park Bridge. The delightful span across the French Broad brings together motorists from 240, Future I-26 and Patton Avenue in a free-for-all best described as a life-threatening vehicular melee.

Coming into town from the south, if you need to get on Future 26 heading west (north, really), you have to cross three lanes of traffic while on the bridge. If I were a trucker, I'd just mount a cow catcher on my front bumper, put a blindfold on and steer left.

It's probably number three for me.

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I'm going to toss Patton Avenue in West Asheville in the mix, just because of its six lanes of unadulterated vehicular selfishness, with drivers weaving in and out to get to Taco Bell or McDonald's, excessively long traffic lights and no ability to turn left except at traffic lights that stay red for hours. It's also got to be the least pedestrian friendly stretch of roadway in North America.

Trust me, I could go on here (Tunnel Road by the mall, anyone?), but I'm going to stop like a Floridian at a green light, which means very slowly and with no good reason.

Actually, I want to give you good readers a chance to offer your opinions.

What are your most loathed drives in and around Asheville, and why? Drop me an email, comment online or send an old-fashioned letter (14 O. Henry Ave., Asheville, NC 28801). I'll compile a list, with some of the more colorful comments (please, limit your cursing to "s#*$hole, which seems to be acceptable in all references these days).

Ready, set, hit the gas!

This is the opinion of John Boyle. Contact him at 232-5847 or jboyle@citizen-times.com