And Yes, We Should ‘Change Everything to Make a Few People Happy’

Earlier this week I was running an LGBT-inclusion workshop for the staff and clergy of a religious organization for my day job. It was a mostly standard training, discussing vocabulary and terminology, concepts of sex, sexuality and gender, how to use the various non-binary and neutral pronouns, and all of the other usual topics. It was, for the most part, a very uneventful workshop. The vast majority of those in attendance approached the topics with incredibly open minds and worked very hard to absorb the onslaught of so much information. Â

No matter how self-aware one might be, itâ€™s always challenging to shift a perspective and learn new approaches, especially concerning folks who havenâ€™t always had a place at the table. But, the folks at the table were really enthusiastic and trying very hardÂ â€” and they really were getting everything pretty quickly.Â

I always find these workshops pretty uplifting. Itâ€™s really validating to walk into a room that has been traditionally unwelcoming and find that everyone has a genuine interest in learning and growing. In this day and age, itâ€™s refreshing. There was one moment â€” one question, really â€” that has stuck with me all week long.Â

One person, who was having a particularly tough time as we discussed the spectrum of genders and non-binary identities said, â€œYou said that only 0.3 percent of people are transgender. Why should the rest of us change everything we do just to make a few confused people happy?â€Â

This wasnâ€™t the first time Iâ€™ve gotten this question (and Iâ€™m sure many of you have gotten the question, too.) Impressively, more than a few people participating in the training jumped in and put an immediate stop to the â€œthese people are confusedâ€ line â€” and they did a really good job of it. We didnâ€™t have too much time to get into the second half of the question â€” and I knew that I didnâ€™t want to open up that can of worms, so I asked a somewhat rhetorical question and immediately moved on to a new topic.Â

I asked: â€œWhat is the minimum number of people in group required for you to treat them with respect? How many is too few? How many is enough? Do we really only need to treat people with respect when there are enough of them?â€

How many of us have asked this question of our family and friends? Seriously, this question seems to be at the center of quite a lot of the debate â€” that the majority should never have to adjust for the minority specifically because theyâ€™re a minority. So whatâ€™s the number? How many people are too few? Whatâ€™s the threshold?Â

Before I ended the workshop I answered my own question with some statistics: The CDC estimates over 40% of all LGB students have considered suicide and 29% have attempted it. The Williams Institute estimates 41% of all transgender people have attempted suicide. Both of those reports also show that treating people with respect â€” using their pronouns, allowing bathroom access, being seen for who they really are â€” all of those things reduce the risk of suicide. Itâ€™s really that simple. Â

I answered the question by saying that if I can save someoneâ€™s life simply by using a new vocabulary word and thinking a bit differently, thereâ€™s no number too small for me. Whatâ€™s your answer? Why is it important for you for us to change our ways and become more inclusive? I donâ€™t think we take that question seriously enough. Itâ€™s a good rhetorical tool for our opponents that weâ€™re often too afraid to respond to â€” but we donâ€™t need to be afraid at all. The statistics and the truth are on our side.Â

When someone asks you the question next time â€” when they ask why they should change their behavior for a small minority of people â€” what are you going to say to them? Theyâ€™re asking the questions, we should be ready with the answer.Â

Robbie Medwed is an Atlanta-based LGBT educator and activist. His column appears here weekly. Follow him on TwitterÂ @rjmedwed.