Steven Petrow passes his first test without batting an eye.

He spies a reporter coming through the door of the coffee shop, smiles a greeting and watches as she trips across the threshold and nearly lands in someone’s café au lait.

“Ah, it’s always good to make an entrance,” he says, extending his arm for a handshake.

Awkward moment diffused, she stops blushing. It’s the least he could do. After all, Petrow is in town to talk about his encyclopedic new book, which happens to be all about good manners.

Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay and Lesbian Manners is a 418-page guide on how to behave politely on all matters related to LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered) life. (Tripping over your feet can happen to people of all sexual orientations.)

The book tackles everything from how to react when friends or family come out to bedroom etiquette and dealing with anti-gay jokes.

Petrow, 53, is a journalist and blogger who has been exploring the topic for 15 years in newspapers, on the Huffington Post and his blog gaymanners.com.

He lives with his partner in Chapel Hill, N.C.

Did you always intend to follow down the path of promoting politeness?

I would say I’m an accidental manners expert. It was never my intention. But there’s some linkage between journalism and manners experts. Judith Martin (Miss Manners), Amy Vanderbilt and Emily Post were all journalists before they became manners experts. Go figure.

Who needs this book most?

Two audiences. The first is the LGBT community, for all the new situations we’re facing — coming out to parents, spouses, dealing with homophobia, planning a same-sex wedding — myriad situations where there’s no place to go to get advice. The second audience is straight people who have gay people in their lives and are confounded by what to say and how to act.

Is there really a difference between LGBT and heterosexual manners?

Common sense and respect underlies all manners. Unfortunately, common sense isn’t common enough in the world. We also seem to have a problem respecting each other despite our differences. A lot of the situations in the book are gay-focused but are applicable to all human beings.

What awkward situations have you run into where the book might help?

When my partner and I moved from San Francisco, the locals knew we were living in the house together but they had no idea how to refer to us. I’d be walking the dog and they’d say “how is, uh . . . your roommate?” It was this well-intentioned faux pas and it was painful for them. They were grasping for language. They heard me refer to him as my partner, now they call him partner.

Don’t other etiquette experts cover any of this terrain?

The LGBT audience is definitely left out. This is a contemporary manners book in many ways because social media pervades almost every chapter. And gays are often early adopters of technology, which is why it’s so common in here. GPS dating is in here and that applies to gays and straights. I don’t think Emily Post or her descendents are doing any GPS dating. I’m not even sure they Tweet.

How is modern etiquette evolving?

It’s more about values than specific actions. I think it’s ridiculous to get upset if someone’s using the wrong fork. It’s completely appropriate to be upset if someone’s using the wrong words.

Are you naturally mannerly, or did you do a lot of research?

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I interviewed about 200 experts. And my Facebook friends played a huge role. I would pose questions almost every day and I got a really great sense of the pulse of our community. I feel like it was a community wide effort to come up with this road map.

Did everyone agree?

I have a section called vox populi, which is basically voices that differ from the consensus, and that’s fine. I’m a benevolent manners expert.

How do you intend people to use it?

I don’t think it’s a sit-down-and-read cover-to-cover book. It’s the kind I hope you come back to over your life.

Do you have a favourite section?

I love all the pages equally. (Points to chapter on sex etiquette.) My 82-year-old dad, this is the first chapter he read. In the dating chapter seven out of 10 people think it’s okay to break up via text. If you’ve been intimate with someone, you cannot break up via Smartphone. That’s definitely rude.

Is it possible for you to go to any social function and without being asked about manners?

No.

Does it make people uptight?

I obviously made you so uptight you practically fell on your face.

That’s not very polite of you to point out.

As I said, I’m benevolent. People still invite me out.

agordon@thestar.ca