Aaron Cockman’s four kids were murdered in Margaret River. This is an edited transcript of the press conference he gave yesterday.

I went out to the farm for the first time and just parked at the front. I’ve never been in there. I wouldn’t have gone in there even if they asked me. I’ve been talking with my family and the (Police) Commissioner.

I have had so much anger ever since I was cut off from my kids, so much anger. That was due to Peter and Cynda making sure I was cut off from my kids. They weren’t schooled, they were home-schooled so I never knew where they were or how they were going. I would just drive around town hoping to see them somewhere. And I would every now and then and that would get me a few more weeks. It kept me going.

(I had) supervised visits and it was amazing. They were beautiful kids. But as I said the anger was starting to build up to the point where I thought they’ll keep and I’ll get them back some day — Peter and Cynda, that is. I’ll get them back. And I didn’t ever want to be that sort of person because that’s a crap person to be.

But this is not how I’d want to get back them. This is a whole new level.

But the anger towards them now is completely gone. I don’t feel angry. I feel tremendous sadness for my kids. I don’t want anyone to feel angry. I know the situation Pete and Cynda are in.

I hadn’t talked to them since they cut me off from the kids, but anger will destroy you.

Journalist: You said you knew what Peter was going through. What did you mean by that?

Peter is an awesome man. Before all this blew up I’d get on so well with him. We’d go to the high school farm and cut up sheep together. Enjoy the kids together. He was like my best friend and I still love who he was, but his mental attitude — if you get on the wrong side of someone — there’s just some people you don’t get on the wrong side of and this happened with Peter and Cynda.

The kids were beautiful kids. Kayden was still at the age where he’d come up and give me a hug after I was cut off from the kids.

What came out and was the only way I ended up winning in the end, was an independent psychologist’s report.

One of the best things was the supervised visit because at the end of each visit you’d have a report done and the reports showed I was an awesome dad.

I looked after my kids. I knew how to feed them, how to be there for them. I did everything right. I just wished it could have been done without lawyers.

A lot of things Katrina did I’m pretty sure wasn’t her. Kat’s mum said to me once, “You’ll see, Kat will make sure you and your parents never see those kids again”.

I’m thinking, how the hell did I get on the wrong side of these people?

Then it got worse.

Cynda is awesome. She was my friend. I still love who Peter was and if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have Katrina, I wouldn’t have the kids.

It’s not some random guy off the street that’s taken them away from me. He gave them to me. If it had to happen there is no better person than that.

I wouldn’t want some random guy off the street doing what happened. The reason I’m standing up here is so that people everywhere, not just those who knew Katrina and myself, Peter and Cynda, don’t feel hatred.

Camera Icon Peter Miles (second from left is suspected of shooting dead his wife, Cynda, (back right), his daughter Katrina Miles (left in red dress) and her four children aged from 8 to 13, before shooting himself. Credit: Facebook

Peter didn’t snap. He’s thought this through. I think he’s been thinking this through for a long time. All the kids died peacefully in their beds. I had one question this morning. Was Kayden with Kat or in his own bed because he’s still at the age that he sleeps with Kat and I was told yes he was in Kat’s bed.

All the kids, the guy (policeman) who went through and saw all the kids said they looked all peaceful. How the hell Peter did that I still can’t figure out. He did a good job, did a really good job.

If I hadn’t got cut off from those kids for six months I wouldn’t have the strength to stand here and talk to people. I think I grew that strength over six months and became a stronger person. I’m worried if I can continue to keep getting stronger to — not get through this — to cope with life as myself, as things get harder for me.

I could talk about my kids all day.

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Taye’s a beautiful girl. The last thing Taye said to me was when she came up and asked if I could get her some new Rossi boots.

I think if it wasn’t for Kat’s parents, and the whole thing turning around, I would still be with her because I miss her so much, let alone my kids.

Rylan has got a few issues, nothing terminal, but I am guessing he would have lived to about 40 years old.

But he was getting his organs checked and things like that and it was all going good.

Ayre, just an amazing, amazing kid and I thought some day I’m going to get him to do an apprenticeship with me doing carpentry and building. He’ll be awesome because of his hands. I bought him a drill kit, he was making stuff and carving stuff out with the drill kit. He loves the attachments.

Kayden, yeah, he’s the only one I really got a hug from the last couple of years. Amazing kid.

There is one other thing I need to say and I am only saying this so people can, it probably doesn’t matter what I say but just maybe people seeing my face and hearing my voice might just feel that little bit better because I know they would be feeling pretty down about it.

All my family has stayed strong and I know they will. We were all sitting around last night and it was not all tears and crying and that it was all laughing and happy and joking around and so much joking around.

I had nearly tears in my eyes from laughing so much.

I’ve got an awesome, powerful, strong family. That get their strength from Jehovah, and so do I. You might think that is a load of crap but a lot of my strength is from him, too.

Camera Icon A girl leaves flowers at the community centre. Credit: Sharon Smith

To me, it might sound weird, but the kids went to sleep and now they are nothing. But to them they are already in a new system. We are just lagging a bit behind here, they are already there. By the time we get there it will all be the same, it is like a time-period difference.

The last movie we watched together… Avengers, the kids loved it. It is not good time watching a movie with kids. I get to be with them and see their reactions but it is not talking conversations to them. Because Rylan was sitting down for two and a half hours, we had to go to the park so he could get up and walk around for a bit.

Kat has got disabled (parking) so she can park very close all the time and doesn’t have to walk too far.

Rylan and Kat walk off while two kids are on the little roundabout swing in Busselton, that’s the last time I saw them, we had a good time, a great time.

I saw Taye walking along and she asked for money for shoes. Kat said she used all the little bit of money they had in their wallets. I said “look” and gave them all $10 each and gave Taye $20 and said “Keep this in your wallet”. I know they never spend it but it is just them knowing they had $10 in their wallet. I think Kayden had $10 in his wallet for months. It’s just knowing they had their own little bag, wallet there.

I just couldn’t wait for them to not leave home, but leave the farm situation, and start being their own independent people.

That would have been good to see that. I saw them growing up. I got to know their personalities.

It is not like they died as a baby and I didn’t know who they were. I will always remember their personalities.

Another thing I thought, too, is that it would be hard when you lose one kid because instantly their face appears in your head and their personality whereas every time I’m thinking about it, I am thinking about this group of people and it is not just a face that pops into my head. It is a group of people. I think in a sense it is easier to look at it that way but it is only two days so it is only early. But mentally I know when I want to say something and I say it and I never regret what I say for some reason, that’s just the way I am.

Like I said, you can ask me questions and I will answer them.

It might be quite personal but I will make sure you don’t get another one.

Journalist: It takes a lot of courage for you to be here, this is very intimidating. Can I ask if you felt victimised about not being able to see your kids? And did you feel victimised by vile rumours that you had anything to do with this?

I think it is funny. I lost four kids. It is not like I don’t care any more but bring it on, let’s have a party. You guys say what you want to ask, I don’t care any more, I’ve lost everything.

I’ve got my family but my family they are fine and they have always been fine. Yeah, I don’t want to lose them but I have lost everything in my life. So, you want to ask dumb questions I’m going to answer, you want to ask really good questions I will answer.

Victimised? Whatever. People’s opinions? Whatever. I’ve got an independent psychologist’s report, about 25 pages or something like that. I want everyone to see it, I want everyone to read it. That is my life story. And I will get it out there somehow. The correct way to do it? I’m not sure. I will be informed, I suppose.

Camera Icon Aaron Cockman arrives to speak to the media. Credit: Sharon Smith

But I would love to have 10 or 20 copies here now and give them all out to you.

Originally when I got that report I was so happy to see my kids again. That report let me get my kids again and I just want to do an aeroplane drop with thousands of them all over Margaret River so everyone could see. Accusations that I was abusive and all that. Not to prove that I wasn’t abusive and that. So the kids can keep living a normal life and getting it out there the kids cannot just think Dad was abusive because Dad says he was and they can’t actually remember the occasion when I was abusive.

Journalist: Peter was a friend, you said. You talked about understanding what he’s done. But do you know why?

I know exactly why. Peter was not suffering for a long time, he has just been trying to hold it together for a long time. He didn’t snap, he knew what he was doing. He did it really well. If someone was going to do it, I trust he did it right and he did it right.

Journalist: Struggling financially?

Nah, no way. Kat might cry on the phone, a bit low on money. But financially no, they would just sell the car or sell the tractor. They have got all new stuff out there. Kat would never know how much money Peter has got.

He is not the sort of guy to ever let people know how much money but they would have a fair few hundred in the bank so it is not financial.

As soon as I found out about Neil (Katrina’s brother) having kidney problems, he was down to five per cent or something, I was so upset.

I thought, if something happens to Neil, Kat will not survive this one, she will not be able to lose another brother.

But I didn’t think about Cynda and Peter. I didn’t think about Peter.

There is no way possible he can lose another son, he’ll kill himself but then I thought, “No, he won’t do that either because there is no way he would leave”.

He was so close to my kids that he would not leave the kids upset for the rest of their lives.

Journalist: Can I ask you whether you think this was his decision and his decision alone?

Oh definitely, totally his. Not Cynda, totally Peter’s. He has thought this through. He has not snapped. He has thought, “Right, I can’t kill myself, I can’t live any more so this is it for me but I need to take out everyone with me because that will fix the whole problem”. And he has fixed the whole problem.

He didn’t leave me with a kid. I’m not glad he didn’t leave me at least one kid but it would be a hard life with that kid growing up after losing all the other kids.

As I said, he has not just killed himself. He has killed the kids, Kat and Cynda.

He went across and shot the kids and Kat first and came back and shot Cynda in the living room. Cynda probably got up, heard the gunshots, she was in the living room. He’s come back, shot her.

He’s sent a triple-0 call, made a two-minute call or something which in that call he would have been saying, I’m guessing about not being able to handle it if something happened to Neil.

I’m sure that’s in the call. There is two minutes of it. Someday I might to listen to it, someday I might not want to even listen to it. But I don’t even know if I will go out into the farm past the gate, I still have to think about that.

He’s gone out to the porch, made the call and shot himself. I don’t know how he has done it so well. None of the kids were up out of their beds.

They were all just very, very peaceful and calm. When I heard that, the best feeling came over me.

I think that will do.