Chapter Text

What we did on our SUMMER VACATION

(and also SPRING and a little bit of AUTUMN and really it wasn’t a VACATION at all)

a recap by GARRETT STEINBERG

Back in MARCH, an ANDALITE WAR-PRINCE named ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL with a MYSTERIOUS PAST that apparently includes spending several years on Earth disguised as a HUMAN, crash landed in the CONSTRUCTION SITE near the MALL in VENTURA after trying and failing to DESTROY THE PLANET.

The reason he was trying to DESTROY THE PLANET is that there was a SECRET, ONGOING INVASION by a bunch of BODYSNATCHING ALIEN SLUGS called YEERKS, and ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL was worried that if they got full control of Earth they could use our BODIES and our PRODUCTIVE CAPACITY to take over the whole rest of the GALAXY.

But anyway, it didn’t work, and he was MORTALLY WOUNDED, so on the VERGE OF DEATH he gave TOBIAS, JAKE, MARCO, RACHEL, and CASSIE a bit of ANDALITE TECHNOLOGY called the ISCAFIL DEVICE, which grants people the power to MORPH into any living creature whose DNA they can acquire by touch. He was able to do this because the five of them were BREAKING THE RULES by taking a shortcut through the construction site, which is something you are NOT SUPPOSED TO DO for OBVIOUS REASONS.

The next day, MARCO, who likes to THINK AHEAD, spent a bunch of time shouting at the rest of them for being flippant and casual about trying out their NEW, UNTESTED, ALIEN-TECHNOLOGY-BASED POWERS by themselves in their bedrooms. He also shouted a bit about EXISTENTIAL RISK and ASTRONOMICAL STAKES before turning into a copy of ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL and picking up on a TELEPATHIC DISTRESS SIGNAL from someone who called ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL “BROTHER.”

After that, RACHEL, who self-identifies as STRONG-WILLED and IMPATIENT and HOTHEADED, spent some time doing SCIENCE and discovered some things about the MORPHING POWER, such as how there is a limit to how many times you can morph in rapid succession and how the TELEPATHIC POWERS that morphing gives you have a range of about three hundred yards, and how anything you eat while you’re in morph does not go into your REAL BODY. Later, feeling STRONG-WILLED and IMPATIENT and HOTHEADED, RACHEL turned herself into a DOG and went to find out whether her friend MELISSA CHAPMAN had been turned into a CONTROLLER, which is what you call someone who’s been infested with a YEERK. It seemed pretty likely that MELISSA was a CONTROLLER because we already knew that her dad, VICE-PRINCIPAL CHAPMAN, was one, and it would be silly to turn just one person in a house into a CONTROLLER when you could just turn everyone in the house and avoid SUSPICION.

Anyway it turned out that, SURPRISE SURPRISE, MELISSA was a CONTROLLER. When you say SURPRISE SURPRISE twice like that, it means that it was not at all a SURPRISE. IMPATIENTLY/HOTHEADEDLY, RACHEL sent the CHAPMANS a THREATENING TELEPATHIC MESSAGE which was meant to give them HOPE.

Unfortunately, this led to them KILLING THEMSELVES, possibly while resisting attempts from their YEERKS to force them to report back to headquarters. CASSIE, whose parents are VETERINARIANS and who wants to be a VETERINARIAN herself and who is mostly distinguished from the other four by the fact that she TRIES TO BE NICE, wanted to try to help out with that whole situation somehow, but instead MARCO convinced her that TIME WAS OF THE ESSENCE and that she should spend the day abusing her SPECIAL ACCESS PRIVILIGES to the LOCAL ZOO to acquire a whole bunch of USEFUL ANIMALS for the rest of the team to morph.

But SURPRISE, once she wrapped up her MOTHER stunned her in the CAR on the way home. Note how I only wrote SURPRISE once that time, which indicates that it really was a SURPRISE. It turned out that CASSIE’S MOTHER was ALREADY A CONTROLLER for reasons unrelated, and she tried to INFEST CASSIE right there in the CAR, but the YEERK was killed by the INTERNAL DEFENSE MECHANISM that ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL had installed in CASSIE’S EAR. CASSIE ESCAPED by turning into an ELEPHANT and then a VERY FAST BIRD, but she wasn’t able to stop her MOTHER from capturing and infesting her FATHER and so she went into hiding up in the MOUNTAINS.

Before that, though, the team all met up in the WOODS to TALK, which would turn out to be kind of a RECURRING THEME. TOBIAS, who is a STREET-SMART ORPHAN and KIND OF MY ADOPTED BIG BROTHER ALTHOUGH NOT OFFICIALLY, got impatient with the way the rest of them kept BICKERING and ARGUING and IGNORING THE BIG PICTURE. He eventually stormed off and that is when I became a part of the story because he came back to OAK LANDING where we both lived and asked if I wanted to RUN AWAY. His plan was to go on a ROGUE MISSION to find the source of the TELEPATHIC DISTRESS SIGNAL.

The first step in that plan was to use the ISCAFIL DEVICE to give the MORPHING POWER to ME, GARRETT STEINBERG, but before he could do that he was intercepted by JAKE, who was not wearing any CLOTHES at the time because they hadn’t figured out that you could morph CLOTHES yet. JAKE pointed out that TOBIAS was being KIND OF A DICK, and then he AUTHORIZED THE MISSION to SAVE FACE. Then I turned into a BIRD and we discovered that there are some PROBLEMS with morphing into an animal that you acquired from someone else at the same time that they are morphed into that same animal. This led me to my new rule which was NO FLYING, and then TOBIAS and I encountered a SUSPICIOUSLY CONVENIENT BEACHED WHALE.

Then we cut away to ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX, which is the name of the YEERK who lives inside the head of ALLORAN-SEMITUR-CORASS, who used to be the most important MILITARY LEADER of the ANDALITE PEOPLE. ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX is in charge of the INVASION OF EARTH and has the title VISSER THREE. He is SUPER PARANOID. We see him thinking through the information he’s been getting from his subordinates, and we see him almost immediately realize that his OLD NEMESIS must have recruited some HUMAN CHILDREN and given them MORPHING POWER. He is not particularly concerned, but he is very excited about the possibility of getting his hands on the ISCAFIL DEVICE for purposes likely NEFARIOUS.

JAKE has a sleepless night in his MORPH ARMOR, which is what we call it when you acquire your own body from somebody else who is morphed into you, and then you morph into your own body, giving you TELEPATHY and the ability to demorph away any INJURIES. He realizes that CASSIE’S AUNT MIKAYLA is probably a CONTROLLER and that the YEERK that is controlling her is probably going to need to drain out of her head soon to feed on KANDRONA, which is a thing that happens every three days at a secret facility called the YEERK POOL. So JAKE stows away inside her car to find the YEERK POOL and discovers that it’s built into the local YMCA and he sneaks inside and starts freaking out because everything inside is HORRIBLE.

MARCO tries to talk JAKE down and eventually JOINS HIM inside the pool. They find a DARK SCARY TUNNEL leading down into the ground and decide to INVESTIGATE because they are IDIOT TEENAGERS WITH A DEATH WISH. Some MONSTERS come out of the dark and EAT JAKE, who demorphs and PUNCHES HIS WAY OUT OF ONE while MARCO morphs into an ANDALITE and does a lot of VIOLENCE. In the end, MARCO manages to get JAKE out of the pool, but JAKE’S REAL BODY has been FATALLY WOUNDED and he can’t demorph into it without bleeding to death. He’s wearing his MORPH ARMOR again, and so he and MARCO just kind of wait while THE TIME LIMIT approaches. See, you can only stay in morph for about TWO HOURS before the POCKET DIMENSION holding your REAL BODY in STASIS runs out of POWER and COLLAPSES. So JAKE and MARCO have a HEART-TO-HEART and then TIME RUNS OUT and JAKE falls into a COMA.

We cut back to RACHEL, who is in the middle of COVERING THEIR ESCAPE. She KILLS A LOT OF PEOPLE and KIND OF DOESN’T MIND, although she KIND OF MINDS that she KIND OF DOESN’T MIND. She notices that the YEERK POOL is now in CHAOS and decides to take advantage of the CHAOS to sneak back in and communicate telepathically with some of the CAGED HUMANS while pretending to be ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL. They tell her that the LOCAL HOSPITAL and the LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL are both about to be completely taken over. She sticks her HAND into a FIRE to get TOUGHER which is NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM, and she fights with MARCO over whether or not JAKE will ever wake up. Then she goes to SCHOOL, where she meets an ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG-LOVING ROBOT named EREK who has PERFECT HOLOGRAMS and can SEE THROUGH MORPHS (KIND OF). The ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG-LOVING ROBOT wants to TEAM UP, and she is considering saying YES when suddenly it lets slip that it can see SOMEBODY ELSE IN MORPH nearby, who RACHEL DEDUCES is probably VISSER THREE. This is a CLIFFHANGER that does not get resolved or revisited for SEVERAL CHAPTERS.

Meanwhile, CASSIE is HIDING IN THE WOODS, and is STRAIGHT-UP NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME. She does more SCIENCE on the MORPHING POWER, and discovers that she can COMBINE MORPHS, at least from two animals from the same species. She also discovers that she can tweak a single morph just by FOCUSING REALLY HARD, and that she can acquire an animal even if it’s DEAD. She decides to FIGHT EVERY CREATURE SHE CAN FIND which is NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM, and is about to MURDER A BEAR when she also discovers that her ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL morph has a REAL, CONSCIOUS ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL hiding UNDER THE SURFACE because the person who invented the MORPHING POWER put the default setting on MUTE.

TOBIAS and I spend some time on a tanker ship and it is VERY COLD and then we get into the water and it is EVEN MORE COLD and also SCARY and then we morph into WHALES and spend some time down in the VERY DEEP AND DARK AND EXTREMELY SCARY OCEAN. We get ATTACKED by a GIANT SQUID and it almost KILLS TOBIAS, so after we finish acquiring it I EAT IT as VENGEANCE, which is PROBABLY NOT A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM but I don’t care. We go even further into the DEEP DARK SCARY as squids and see some PRETTY LIGHTS. Eventually, we find an ALIEN ESCAPE POD and bring it up to the surface, hoping to RESCUE whoever is inside. We are CONFUSED and DISMAYED when, instead of OPENING, the escape pod just FLIES OFF INTO THE SKY. Like COME ON, if you could do that the whole time then why were you down at the BOTTOM of the OCEAN.

As it turns out, the ALIEN ESCAPE POD is holding ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL’S YOUNGER BROTHER, who is a HALF-TRAINED ANDALITE WARRIOR named AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL. He can think THREE OR FOUR THINGS AT A TIME and he spends some time flying around and ASSESSING THE SITUATION while he COPES WITH HIS BROTHER’S DEATH in ways that are not particularly HEALTHY. Ultimately, he decides that instead of FLYING HOME he will go find out more about the HUMAN MORPHERS who pulled his ship out of the water, and he comes back and introduces himself as AX because he has a bit of a SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.

ESPLIN-NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX spends some time taunting ALLORAN-SEMITUR-CORASS from INSIDE ALLORAN-SEMITUR-CORASS’S HEAD because he is KIND OF A JERK. Then he oversees the TAKEOVER OF THE HIGH SCHOOL, which mostly goes off without a hitch except that EREK and RACHEL ESCAPE, and RACHEL cuts off his HEAD in the process. But that was okay because it wasn’t VISSER THREE’S REAL HEAD, it was the body of a RANDOM KID being run via a new, experimental REMOTE-CONTROL YEERK. Oh, and right at the LAST SECOND, before RACHEL and EREK get away, VISSER THREE brings an alien called a LEERAN into range for a split second, which somehow sets up a MULTIDIMENSIONAL TELEPATHIC LINK between him and them and lets him learn where all of the ANIMORPHS live and also all of the ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG-LOVING ROBOTS.

There’s a kind of SPOOKY INTERLUDE where we find out that RACHEL was “not supposed to be there,” whatever THAT means.

The ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG-LOVING ROBOT named EREK uses LASERS to cut away some of the leftover MORPH TECH that’s inside JAKE’S BRAIN and keeping him in a COMA. He WAKES UP, just in time to deal with AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL FREAKING RIGHT THE FUCK OUT about how morphing technology is in fact based on YEERK PHYSIOLOGY and the REAL MINDS of the people and animals are under there the whole time. JAKE deals with this mainly by BEING KIND OF A BULLY. The gang figures out that if you can MORPH AWAY YOUR CLOTHES then you can probably morph away OTHER STUFF TOO. They also figure out that you can use THOUGHT SPEAK as a WEAPON, since the ability to INFLUENCE THE FIRING OF SOMEONE’S NEURONS FROM A DISTANCE is clearly not limited just to COMMUNICATION, which is something I had already figured out while FIGHTING the GIANT SQUID. They get ME to try MORPHING into a YEERK as part of a PLAN to INFILTRATE THE YEERK POOL, but it doesn’t go well and no one is sure why.

We visit the inside of MARCO’S HEAD, but PLOT TWIST: it’s not the REAL MARCO, it’s the mind of MARCO’S MORPH ARMOR, and eventually the REAL MARCO has to MURDER it by demorphing, which is DARK and GRITTY and REALISTICALLY TRAUMATIC. There’s a mission to take out a SUPPLY TRUCK that mostly goes well except that MARCO ends up hauling away a LIVE CONTROLLER and has to HIDE and stuff to make sure that the YEERKS can’t track him. The CONTROLLER turns out to be a man named TIDWELL whose YEERK is named ILLIM, and JAKE talks the YEERK out of TIDWELL’S HEAD by pretty much being a BADASS.

There’s another INTERLUDE where a YEERK thinks that it is MAKING FRIENDS with a LITTLE GIRL but it turns out that this is NOT A GOOD DESCRIPTION OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AT ALL.

RACHEL morphs into TIDWELL and then puts ILLIM inside of her own head which is CLEVER because ILLIM is in control of the MORPHED BODY but ultimately RACHEL is the one who’s REALLY IN CONTROL because she can DEMORPH and KILL ILLIM whenever she wants, which is a pretty good NEGOTIATING TACTIC. She negotiates with him and he agrees to sneak them both into the YEERK POOL so long as she promises to let him ACTUALLY GET BACK INTO THE POOL instead of making him STARVE TO DEATH. This HAPPENS.

Unfortunately for ILLIM, he forgot to negotiate that we wouldn’t just BLOW UP THE POOL THIRTY SECONDS LATER, which we DO using SODIUM which is NOT A GOOD THING TO DROP THREE HUNDRED POUNDS OF INTO WATER. RACHEL and I escape the EXPLOSION by morphing into TARDIGRADES and AX flies off into the complex to turn off the SHIELD GENERATOR.

CASSIE watches as a LOT OF PEOPLE DIE and she DOESN’T LIKE IT. Then something FREEZES TIME and CASSIE and JAKE and MARCO and TOBIAS all find themselves TELEPORTED INTO THE YEERK POOL where time is STILL STOPPED. A CREATURE appears and tells them that VISSER THREE is sending a METEOR to WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN, and asks if the ANIMORPHS would like to HITCH A RIDE OUT OF THERE before the VERY LARGE EXPLOSION THAT WILL DEFINITELY KILL THEM ALL. CASSIE gives up her spot to save TOM (JAKE’S BROTHER) and PETER (MARCO’S DAD) and EREK (THE ROBOT) and stays behind to try to save a LITTLE BOY herself, but it DOESN’T WORK and then the METEOR HITS.

There’s another INTERLUDE that’s broken into THREE PIECES, and in the first one we see that there’s some kind of near-omniscient, near-omnipotent GOD FIGURE that is MANIPULATING OUR HEROES as part of some kind of LARGER GAME. In the second one we see that the DOG ROBOTS are KIND-OF-BUT-NOT-REALLY a HIVE MIND, and that when EREK gets TELEPORTED they all GET THE HECK OUT OF DODGE, which is a METAPHOR because really they’re getting the heck out of VENTURA, CA. We also see that SOMEONE who is PROBABLY JAKE has been morphing into CASSIE just to kind of TALK TO HER and it’s VERY SAD but it’s NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM and it’s ALSO MORE THAN A LITTLE DISTURBING which is sort of the THEME OF THIS WHOLE STORY, WOULDN’T YOU SAY.

Meanwhile TOBIAS gets teleported back to WASHINGTON DC, which is where he was in the first place, because he was on a mission to try to get ACCESS to the PRESIDENT to find out if she is a CONTROLLER. He ends up kind of having an EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN in front of a man named JEREMIAH POZNANSKI, which leads him to get in touch with PAUL EVANS who is in the SECRET SERVICE. YADDA YADDA YADDA is what you say when you want to skip over the BORING parts, and TOBIAS gives PAUL and PRESIDENT TYAGI the morphing power. Then PRESIDENT TYAGI goes into HIDING while PAUL stays behind to IMPERSONATE HER. But they were KIND OF SLOPPY with their OPERATIONAL SECURITY, and when TOBIAS goes back to reconnect with JEREMIAH, he finds a BUG FIGHTER waiting. TOBIAS lets himself get CAPTURED, then DESTROYS the BUG FIGHTER, losing a HAND in the process, then he RESCUES JEREMIAH’S SON, a kid named DAVID. All of this happens pretty much in PUBLIC, in WASHINGTON DC, where there is now a CRASHED ALIEN SPACESHIP on the STREET which is pretty much THE WORST for VISSER THREE’S COVERUP OPERATION.

Without OTHER ANDALITES to TELEPATH with, AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL is KIND OF LOSING HIS MIND. Everyone who was SAVED from the METEOR by the MYSTERIOUS GOD FIGURE ends up on a HILLSIDE about fifty miles outside of VENTURA. Two of them—TOM and PETER—are CONTROLLERS, which naturally makes things kind of TENSE at first, until the YEERKS realize that VISSER THREE just MURDERED THEIR POOL, which makes them RECONSIDER THEIR LOYALTIES. We find out that YEERK POOLS are actually a SUPERORGANISM and that INDIVIDUAL YEERKS are like PERSONALITY FRAGMENTS that can be mixed and remixed by the larger coalescion. We also find out that AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL has NO CHILL when exposed to CINNAMON BUNS, and RACHEL turns into a GORILLA to KNOCK SOME SENSE into him. To try to stop himself from going EVEN CRAZIER, AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL gets up in the middle of the night and secretly lets TOM’S YEERK, named TEMRASH, INFEST him.

Cut away to space, where ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX discovers that the Z-SPACE RIFT that has ISOLATED THE EARTH SYSTEM has this strange, incredibly narrow, extremely suspicious BRIDGE across it, allowing for quick and undetected movement into and out of the system. He is APPROPRIATELY SUSPICIOUS, and he COVERS UP THE ENTRANCE with SEVERAL THOUSAND ADVANCED SPACE MINES. He then SKYPES WITH HIS BIOGENETICIST, who is helping him do all sorts of CRAZY BIOENGINEERING in exchange for PROTECTION FROM METEORS, which is IRONIC given what JUST HAPPENED to VENTURA. Then he goes to the YEERK MOTHERSHIP, where the OTHER YEERK POOL is NOT STOKED about the METEOR thing, but he COWS THEM INTO SUBMISSION anyway through the power of DEATH THREATS and BRIBES.

Back in WASHINGTON DC, TOBIAS watches as a KIND-OF-BUT-NOT-REALLY-ANDALITE BODY shows up at the CRASH SITE and CONFESSES to a whole lot of TRUE STUFF while PRETENDING to be VISSER THREE. It claims that the YEERKS want to open up PEACE TALKS with HUMANITY, and beams some PRIVATE MESSAGES at TOBIAS being like, why don’t we have a TRUCE?

There is an INTERLUDE where REDDIT is all, like, WTF IS GOING ON?? Deep down in the comments, there is somebody whose HALLOWEEN COSTUME is A GIANT BOX OF RED FLAGS.

JAKE wakes up and MARCO is like, AX has turned himself into a CONTROLLER, let’s KILL HIM or at least signal that we are VERY UPSET. JAKE is like, maybe instead let’s TRUST EACH OTHER A LITTLE. Meanwhile TOM is kind of TRAUMATIZED by having been MIND-RAPED for SEVERAL WEEKS. The gang learns that there is a FACTORY which makes a kind of OATMEAL that lets YEERKS stay inside their hosts BASICALLY FOREVER, and they debate BLOWING THAT FACTORY UP.

But RACHEL says NO, because she has GROWN AS A PERSON as a result of several experiences of RUSHING INTO THINGS in ways that led to DISASTER. Then ALL OF US MORPH INTO EACH OTHER ON A MESA and LEARN WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE EACH OTHER, including finding out that the AX-TEMRASH COLLABORATION seems like it might actually be A PRETTY HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM. Finally, RACHEL goes back to WASHINGTON DC to try to recover TOBIAS and the MORPHING CUBE and the SHREDDER (and as it turns out DAVID) from a SECRET UNDERGROUND DOG PARK that the ROBOTS have built because they REALLY LOVE DOGS, LIKE, A LOT, LIKE, IT’S MAYBE THEIR ENTIRE REASON FOR EXISTING. The ROBOTS let TOBIAS and DAVID go and give RACHEL the CUBE and the SHREDDER which CONFUSES TOBIAS because they had previously COMPLETELY REFUSED to give him EITHER. This is the sort of thing that deserves ATTENTION and CAREFUL THOUGHT but idk if they gave it EITHER of those things.

There’s another INTERLUDE where I really hope you didn’t have STRONG PROTECTIVE FEELINGS toward HENRY THE HERMIT CRAB because if you DID then you will be UPSET.

MARCO is like FUCK IT and orchestrates a BROADCAST thanks to help from some of TOBIAS’S NEW GOVERNMENT FRIENDS, and they TELL THE WORLD that VISSER THREE IS NOT LEGIT. Then MARCO and JAKE lead a mission to blow up the FACTORY where they make the OATMEAL, while all of the ROBOTS go out and buy up the available supply. The gang considers going to CHINA where a bunch of the OATMEAL was being shipped, but CHINA is a BIG PLACE and everyone is kind of INTIMIDATED although no one says that outright. DAVID asks if he can join the team and MARCO morphs into him to make sure everything is A-OK. Turns out that it ISN’T, but SOMETHING STRANGE happens and MARCO’S MEMORY GETS EDITED and he VOUCHES FOR DAVID even though he REALLY REALLY SHOULDN’T.

TOBIAS and I go out on a MASS RECRUITMENT MISSION to make a few thousand AUXILIARY ANIMORPHS.

AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL is REALLY INTO being a CONTROLLER. The gang realizes that VISSER THREE is trying to play everyone against each other, keeping the ANDALITES and the YEERKS and the HUMANS at odds even though there are a lot of reasons for those species to ALLY with one another. AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL goes and meets with PRESIDENT TYAGI and starts to build a COMMUNICATION DEVICE, but before he turns it over to the humans, he secretly contacts CHANCELLOR LIREM-ARREPOTH-TERROUSS, LEADER of the ANDALITE MILITARY. He tries to tell the CHANCELLOR that SOMETHING IS FUCKY, and that the ANDALITES should SUE FOR PEACE, but the CHANCELLOR replies with HOW ABOUT I BLOW UP THE GODDAMN PLANET EARTH, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? He gives AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL seven ANDALITE DAYS to wrap up his affairs and get off-world before an EVEN BIGGER METEOR shows up at RELATIVISTIC SPEEDS to turn the EARTH into NOT EVEN A CLOUD OF DUST, REALLY.

Meanwhile, RACHEL is BACKUP in case the PRESIDENT doesn’t let AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL go, but she gets DISTRACTED when DAVID straight-up MURDERS HIS FATHER which I don’t have to tell you is NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM, I am starting to feel like I am the only one who PAID ATTENTION to my GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. RACHEL gets DAVID out of there, and then watches as AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL and PRESIDENT TYAGI open COMMUNICATION with TELOR, which is the name of the OTHER YEERK POOL up on the MOTHERSHIP. TELOR is ANGRY WITH VISSER THREE and sounds like it’s willing to DOUBLE CROSS him, which would be GREAT so long as it’s not a TRAP.

TOBIAS and I have been recruiting for a while when we come across OFFICER FARLOW, who leads us to THÀN SUOROS, who is a mad engineer who has been hoping to get in touch with THE RESISTANCE. He has HOMEMADE LASER GUNS and a GIANT Z-SPACE DETECTOR that he’s been using to track SHIPS and COMMUNICATIONS and MORPHING since BEFORE ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL EVEN LANDED. We decide we’re going to get the rest of the ANIMORPHS involved, and TOBIAS tells me to take the MORPHING CUBE to the CHEE to keep it SAFE. But I get a BAD FEELING and so I DON’T DO THAT even though TOBIAS THINKS I DID.

There’s an INTERLUDE where we learn that ALLORAN-SEMITUR-CORASS has kind of VANISHED from his own HEAD, and ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX isn’t at all sure what that means and is also ODDLY INCURIOUS. We also find out that ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX wants to beat DEATH and ENTROPY and wants to LIVE FOREVER and would be LESS OF A DICK to EVERYONE ELSE if they weren’t TOTALLY WASTING TIME AND ENERGY themselves, which would make him much more sympathetic if he weren’t ALWAYS TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE. Then we see that ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX is trying to CLONE HIMSELF in such a way as to be able to MAINTAIN HIS VALUES across TIME and across MULTIPLE HOSTS. He hasn’t succeeded yet, but he seems VERY CLOSE.

A YEERK in FRANCE does an AMA and it goes SURPRISINGLY WELL.

TOBIAS tries to talk things out with PRESIDENT TYAGI, who is sort of TENSE after DAVID KILLED HIS FATHER. It goes LESS WELL but not TERRIBLY. PRESIDENT TYAGI says that she is going to MEET with representatives from TELOR, and offer VOLUNTARY INFESTATION if the YEERKS will commit to MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION as a DETERRENT against the ANDALITE METEOR ATTACK. TOBIAS is worried that SOMETHING will go WRONG.

There is an INTERLUDE in which SOMEONE is advertising that they have a LITTLE BLUE BOX for sale on EBAY.

JAKE is VERY TIRED and is MEAN to a CASSIE MORPH CLONE. He’s running BACKUP on the DIPLOMATIC MEETING, which is a GOOD THING because the YEERKS do indeed try to pull a FAST ONE. With some clever thinking and help from one of the ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG ROBOTS, JAKE manages to STEAL A BUG FIGHTER and get back the CAPTURED PRESIDENT TYAGI. But it turns out that the CAPTURED PRESIDENT TYAGI was actually just a MORPH CLONE because the REAL PRESIDENT TYAGI also THINKS AHEAD. JAKE, as it turns out, has HAD ENOUGH, and decides that what we need to do is GO AFTER VISSER THREE DIRECTLY.

MARCO tries to talk the ANDALITE PEOPLE out of their policy of CASUAL GENOCIDE. Afterwards, he leads a VERY CAREFUL RECONNAISANCE MISSION to see what VISSER THREE is up to—he’s been LANDING ON EARTH in random places, according to the GIANT Z-SPACE DETECTOR which is called SERENITY in what might be a stealth FIREFLY REFERENCE. MARCO doesn’t know it, but during that recon mission, DAVID TELEPATHICALLY BETRAYS THEM TO VISSER THREE in exchange for the promise of a ticket off of the EARTH, which is STILL DOOMED at the moment, thanks to the INCOMING ANDALITE METEOR. VISSER THREE tells DAVID to PLAY IT COOL, and sets up a TRAP. MARCO, JAKE, TOBIAS, DAVID, EREK, and SOME OTHER ROBOTS AS WELL all fall into that trap. They’re caught, and using one of those MULTIDIMENSIONALLY TELEPATHIC LEERANS, VISSER THREE looks inside their heads and learns EVERYTHING, JUST FUCKING EVERYTHING, GOD DAMMIT, IT IS A FIASCO. At the same time, MARCO learns that his MOTHER is VISSER ONE, which is SHOCKING, but he can’t do anything about it because then VISSER THREE KILLS THEM ALL.

In the meantime, RACHEL is leading the BACKUP MISSION to DESTROY SERENITY, which now that I think about it might have been some kind of CLEVER SYMBOLISM. Afterward, they go to pick up JAKE and the others at a RENDEZVOUS POINT in I think it was MONTANA. Eventually, JAKE comes out of the WOODS, but I immediately recognize him as an IMPOSTOR because I am GOOD AT TELLING PEOPLE APART in THOUGHT SPEAK. RACHEL KILLS the IMPOSTOR, but before he dies he throws a BOMB at our BUG FIGHTER, which has TOM and AX inside of it, which turns out to be a very good DISTRACTION. DISTRACTED, we go to help them, but behind our backs DAVID demorphs out of the DEAD JAKE BODY and is COVERED IN WEAPONS and is apparently CONTROLLED by VISSER THREE and he kills RACHEL and he ALMOST KILLS ME except that I morph into TOBIAS and stay past the TIME LIMIT because otherwise no one will know where the ISCAFIL DEVICE is and also because TOM has the DNA of EVERYBODY EXCEPT TOBIAS and I guess CASSIE but there’s nothing I can do about THAT.

There are several LONG and EXTREMELY STRESSFUL WEEKS that go by off-screen, in which TOM is attempting to deal with a MORTALLY WOUNDED AX and a COMATOSE TOBIAS BODY and an INCOMING METEOR THAT HE CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT and the KNOWLEDGE that his BROTHER is probably DEAD just like the rest of his FAMILY.

JAKE wakes up after DISTURBING VISIONS of some kind of IMMORTAL CREEPY-CRAWLY which he PROMPTLY FORGETS. He learns that EVERYBODY DIED, and that TOM used the MORPHING CUBE and his own morphs of JAKE and GARRETT and RACHEL and MARCO to convince some TERMINAL CANCER PATIENTS to give up their bodies to bring the ANIMORPHS BACK TO LIFE. In the intervening weeks, the YEERKS have been making all sorts of POWER MOVES: they cut off the INTERNET for a while, and took all of the NUKES, and have set up a giant pool in BRAZIL. JAKE has NO IDEA what to do about any of THAT, so he goes to talk to AX, whose body is STILL DYING and who spends 99% of his time in morph as a STOPGAP MEASURE.

There is a VERY SHORT INTERLUDE in which VISSER THREE uses MARCO’S BODY to get VISSER ONE in TROUBLE with the rest of the YEERK COUNCIL.

TOBIAS is engaging in ALL SORTS OF UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS, possibly among them CASUAL SEX WITH YOUNG MALE DOLPHINS off the coast of MADAGASCAR. He decides to try INFILTRATING the BRAZILIAN YEERK POOL because TEMRASH is DYING OF STARVATION because after the botched mission to get VISSER THREE, the ANIMORPHS decided to stay away from the DOG ROBOTS, who have all of the OATMEAL. MARCO thinks that TOBIAS’S PLAN is GARBAGE and that he will GET CAUGHT. As it turns out, TOBIAS’S PLAN is GARBAGE and he is immediately ALMOST CAUGHT and ends up HIDING TEMRASH INSIDE HIS BRAIN which leads to TEMRASH making things WORSE and they are TOTALLY ABOUT TO BE KILLED when there is a DEUS EX MACHINA from one of the DOG ROBOTS that hands TOBIAS a MYSTERIOUS OBJECT.

That’s not all, though, because TOBIAS and TEMRASH escape from the building into a WAR ZONE because the RESISTANCE FIGHTERS have chosen PRECISELY THIS MOMENT to VACUUM UP THE WHOLE DANG COALESCION for REASONS UNKNOWN. In the CHAOS and CONFUSION, one of the AUXILIARY ANIMORPHS finds TOBIAS and reveals himself as a VOLUNTARY CONTROLLER. He gives his own YEERK to TOBIAS, and it leads TOBIAS to a SECRET OFF-THE-RADAR POOL called TERRA out in the AMAZON. A CONTROLLER from that POOL makes a fairly convincing claim that TERRA is NICE and is trying to HELP, and TOBIAS becomes a VOLUNTARY CONTROLLER HIMSELF, albeit with a SMALLER YEERK that THEORETICALLY CANNOT FULLY TAKE OVER.

All in all, I LEARNED A LOT but I don’t know what will happen next because I am currently in a COMA and so is RACHEL still.

The next REAL CHAPTER is AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL and it will post in TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. More updates will follow every other week for at least FIVE TOTAL UPDATES and hopefully MORE because the story has less than TWENTY CHAPTERS LEFT though probably more than TEN.