Public masturbation a metaphor for Ugandan crisis, insist Invisible Children

After their co-founder and brains behind #Kony2012 was arrested for wanking outside Seaworld in San Diego, film-makers Invisible Children insisted it was merely a metaphor for the crisis facing the youth in Uganda.

Jason Russell narrated the Kony 2012 campaign video which went viral on the internet last week, though there are now concerns about exactly what he was doing to himself in the studio whilst recording it.

An Invisible Children spokesperson said the entire incident was actually designed to bring more attention to the hunt for Joseph Kony.

“Kony 2012 has dropped from the public consciousness, so we had to do something to bring it back to the forefront of people’s minds.”

“So Jason choked his chicken in public to show how Kony is choking the life out of Uganda’s children in plain sight of the international community.”

“The car damage he caused was indicative of the destruction being felt in that country under the Kony regime.”

“Though we’re obviously still waiting to see if the Ugandan issue has a happy ending in the same way Jason did.”

Jason Russell arrested

Public masturbators have railed on Russell for casting doubt on the excuses they normally use when caught rubbing one out in the park.

Simon Matthews, 32, told us, “Stress. We always blame stress. And now people are going to be doubting our go-to excuse.”

“So thanks for absolutely nothing, Jason.”