Quarantined Merch Guy Works from Home by Standing Behind Kitchen Table

ATLANTA — Fate Embrace merch guy Edgar Byrd stood aimlessly behind his kitchen table for hours earlier this week in an attempt to work from home, confused roommates confirmed.

“Just because we’re stuck at home doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do our jobs. I’ve been running a merch table by myself for three years, and I got a little stir crazy just sitting around doing nothing,” said Byrd via Skype from behind the table. “Then I realized I have a service to perform — and I’m going to get that done, even if there are no shows and no fans. I don’t have any of the band’s actual merch here, so the table is empty… but this is the new normal, and we all have to adjust.”

Byrd’s girlfriend Lena Marshall confirmed Byrd’s commitment to his job.

“He’s taking this very seriously. I came down at 9 a.m., and he was already standing there with his arms crossed, just sort of nodding his head,” said Marshall. “I kind of wish he’d maybe do something while he’s at the table — like put plates out for breakfast, or run a sponge over it — but he just stands there. And when I or our dog walks by, he says, ‘Sorry, all sold out.’ I’d be worried, but it keeps him out of my hair for most of the day.”

Members of Fate Embrace, however, seemed a little upset by Byrd’s actions.

“We asked him to help mail out merch we’re selling through our website while we’re stuck at home, but he said that isn’t part of his job duties,” said guitarist Darryl Nguyen. “He said that if we sent him a box of shirts he’ll fold them, and maybe hang a couple on the wall behind him, but that’s it. Yet when we did a live show on YouTube, he insisted we add a feed of him just standing there in the corner of the screen, and then asked if we could code in a virtual tip jar for him so he could get some food money.”

Byrd confirmed that if anyone needs anything, he’ll be at the table until last call.