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Soccer was not meant to be played on artificial turf.

Actually, no sport was meant to be played on fake grass — but especially not the world’s “beautiful game.”

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However, Game 1 of the MLS Eastern Conference final between the Impact and Toronto FC next Tuesday (8 p.m., TSN3, RDS, CJAD Radio 800) will be played on the artificial turf at Olympic Stadium. And like everything else about Montreal’s billion-dollar Big O — including the roof — the playing surface there is … I’ll let Montrealers pick their own word here to describe it (try to keep it clean).

The Big O turf is actually a lot better than the old surface that helped destroy future Baseball Hall of Famer Andre Dawson’s knees when he was patrolling the outfield for the Expos, but there are still some issues with it.

“It’s not only certain areas where it’s hard and there’s concrete under it, there’s certain areas that are hollow,” goalkeeper Evan Bush said Tuesday after the Impact played an intrasquad game on real grass at Centre Nutrilait. “I’m not sure if there’s like trap doors under there or what happened. But maybe (former Expo) Moises Alou is hiding under there somewhere under a trap door. I don’t know?”