(NOTE: watching Hollywood celebrities who are above the law is frustrating, so this Russian model named Kate, who has an impossible boob to waist ratio, is here to brighten everyone’s day.)

Charlie Sheen has 8 days left on the 3 months of probation he was given after threatening to murder his wife, with one of the stipulations being, “no use of alcohol in excess, or drugs, RX drugs only in prescribed doses; no violation of criminal laws or ordinances except traffic infractions.”

To recap today’s top story: Charlie Sheen was found drunk and naked by police after trashing a hotel room in New York, with one source saying he was with a prostitute and high in cocaine when the police arrived. Nonetheless…

Believe it or not, despite being characterized as “emotionally disturbed” and hospitalized last night, Charlie Sheen might not really be in major league trouble.

An NYPD public information officer tells E! News that while the department cannot confirm that Sheen was naked when cops arrived, as has been reported, or that he was unconscious, as of now Sheen will not face any criminal charges for trashing his room at New York’s venerable Plaza Hotel. The hotel hasn’t come forward to lodge any complaint against the star, either.

And now it’s too late, because the producers of his CBS show ‘Two And A Half Men’ have chartered a private jet to get him out of New York, today, and safely back to LA where this sort of thing doesn’t get a bunch of busybody cops poking their nose around. Hollywood cops have better manners. If a model told them that Sheen beat her and was doing coke, they’d say, “Oh, and I guess we’re supposed to go ‘arrest’ him now, right? Well how would you like it if we arrested you every time you broke the law Miss Bossy Boots!”

(very NSFW, and completely unrelated, Kate pictures under the cut)