I am childless and unmarried. Although I prefer to say, I am a barren spinster because I think it sounds funny. And I'd rather laugh about it than be the object of people's pity. It's not a pitiful state. Honestly. The world needs a few barren spinsters for balance.

There's no shortage of articles by women espousing motherhood as the greatest thing that ever happened to them. And I'm sure it is. No doubt ladies. Fist bump. Right on. Occasionally you also hear about women who made the conscious decision not to have children. Kudos to them for knowing what they did and didn't want. And of course, sadly, there are also women who desperately wanted children but weren't able to have them. But I don't fit into any of those categories. For me, it just didn't happen. I simply never met the right person and it wasn't something I wanted to do on my own. Sometimes it's just the luck of the draw.

I think it's time childless people were allowed to offer an opinion on modern-day parenting. Credit:Getty Images

If I regret one thing about not having children, it's the fact that, apparently, it precludes me from having an opinion on parenting. Any thoughts I might have about raising children are inadmissible. I am not a mother ergo I do not get to have an opinion on motherhood. Which is curious because I get a lot of opinions about my standup from people who have never done standup. Professional athletes endure endless opinions on where they went wrong from faddarsed fans who have never played sport in their lives. And people who have never owned a dog are always first in line with advice on how to stop your dog barking.

My point is, unless parents are willing to shut up about everything they've never done, then I think it's time childless people were allowed to offer an opinion on modern-day parenting. Cos I have got a lot of opinions. First up, there is wayyyy too much talking. I really miss that classic 1970s, one answer fits all, parental shutdown: "Because I said so." Let's bring it back. Why? Because I said so.