Bailey Warren!

Campaigning for a political position is a lot like being a dog at the dog park. You lick a lot of ass and deal with a lot of dirty bitches. So Bailey Warren was a star on the campaign trail as his human, Elizabeth Warren, ran for president. But sadly, Bailey Warren is not going to be the First Dog in the White House. And on the day that Elizabeth Warren dropped out of the presidential race, Bailey should’ve drowned his sorrows in dog stripper ass and Snausages, but since that wasn’t available, he decided to drown his sorrows in a stolen burrito!

Gabrielle Farrell, a press secretary on Elizabeth Warren’s campaign, tweeted a video of staff members holding Bailey down while trying to yank the mutilated carcass of a burrito he stole. Staff had to hold Bailey’s burrito-thieving head while others tried to pull bits out of his mouth. Nice try, tricks, but pulling Baby Jessica out of that well was an easier job than trying to get Bailey to part with that burrito.

Bailey legit just swiped someone’s burrito. pic.twitter.com/MWr6ZeiJa2 — Gabrielle Farrell 💫 President Warren 2020 (her/s) (@FarrellGabriell) March 5, 2020

Bailey is a mess, because dogs can’t eat burritos! But Bailey and that burrito are like me and a thing of Pintos and Cheese from Taco Bell that’s been sitting in my refrigerator for 3 days. I know eating it will cause my b-hole to explode (and not in a sexy way), but I don’t care. Elizabeth Warren has a plan for everything, so I really hope she has a plan for Bailey losing his doggy b-hole in the river of wet shits that exploded out of him.

Pic: Joseph Prezioso/Getty