Once, I told a stranger to f*** off (Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro.co.uk)

Anxiety has changed me.

I used to love meeting new people, drinking all night and making new best friends in the ladies’ bathroom at the student union.

Anxiety makes it difficult to make friends and it can be even harder to keep them

Nowadays, I can happily go for days without interacting with real life humans.

I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to the party girl I used to be because I don’t think anxiety will let me.


These days, when I’m in a social situation and anxiety hits, my instincts take over.

Unfortunately my instincts make me kind of rude, as you’ll see from these not-so-fond memories.

1. I left a party before it even began

When I was off work with depression, I realised that talking in social situations was actually pretty awkward when you don’t have a job.



Well, it was for me anyway.

After weeks of living like a recluse, ashamed to even take parcels from the postman, I ventured out for a social gathering.

I showed up at the pub for my friend’s birthday but as she walked in the door I was walking out.

I didn’t even say goodbye.

(Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro.co.uk)

2. I told a stranger to f*** off

While I waited for the train home after ‘the party that never began’, a middle-aged man approached me.

Clearly on his way home from happy hour, he told me to ‘smile’ because ‘it might never happen’.

You can guess what happened next.

3. Ran out mid-Sunday roast

My best mate and I decided to throw an impromptu Sunday roast in some feeble attempt at adulting.

At the last minute, she invited a few extra people who I’d never met before, so naturally I legged it.

I think she was a bit annoyed that I left her with the washing up.

4. Hid in the toilets to have a cry

Exposure therapy means you have to force yourself to get out of your comfort zone sometimes.

I used to test the waters by going out to pubs, but whenever I got into a club, I couldn’t handle it.

On more than one occasion, I ditched my best mate in favour of the calm solitude of a bathroom stall.

It’s actually a very nice place to have a cry.

(Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler)

5. I missed Christmas Day

Being around strangers is difficult for me, and being around family is surprisingly stressful too.

There’s something about the cabin fever in a family home at Christmas time that just makes my anxiety so much worse.

One year, I spent the entire day in bed asleep, avoiding all socialising.

I was gutted when I finally crept downstairs and popped open the Celebrations tub to find that there were only Bountys left.

MORE: 6 mistakes I made when I went back to work after a mental health breakdown

MORE: Why giving your mental illness a name can help you recover

MORE: 10 hurtful things people have said to me about my depression

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