In 1964, when a living bristlecone pine tree in California was determined to be almost 5,000 years old, it gave Bible literalists a big scare. After all, literalists (young earthers) believe that the earth is only about 6,000 years old. Was that bristlecone pine tree around for the “big flood?” Not quite: young earth adherents argue that that 5,000 year old tree must have been planted right after the waters receded. Maybe Noah himself came to California to plant it.

But now there’s a newly discovered tree that is even older than the bristlecone pine:

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) – Scientists have found a cluster of spruces in the mountains in western Sweden which, at an age of 8,000 years, may be the world’s oldest living trees. The hardy Norway spruces were found perched high on a mountain side where they have remained safe from recent dangers such as logging, but exposed to the harsh weather conditions of the mountain range that separates Norway and Sweden. Carbon dating of the trees carried out at a laboratory in Miami, Florida, showed the oldest of them first set root about 8,000 years ago, making it the world’s oldest known living tree, Umea University Professor Leif Kullman said.

I’m trying to phrase this carefully, now:

This newly discovered living tree must have been planted prior to the creation of the universe!

I don’t quite know how this tree could have been floating around in space prior to the creation of the universe, because there wasn’t even any empty space “back then.” I wonder if it was ever watered prior to the creation of the universe . . . If that ancient tree that was the only thing in the universe fell over, would anyone hear it fall? Did God have a treehouse in that tree? If the tree was the only thing in the universe, how would it know which way to grow up? So many questions.

This unfortunate discovery of a very very old tree now forces our hands: It’s time to revise the Bible to indicate that the universe is more than 8,000 years old. That will fix things as long as we don’t discover any 9,000 year old trees and as long as we ignore all of the scientifically established methods for showing that the earth is actually billions of years old.

[Here is an explanation of why the young earth folks are absolutely wrong when they attack the validity of Carbon-14 dating and here’s an extensive list of reputable articles on radiometric dating]