(Content Warning: Sexual assault, rape culture, child abuse)

“Give auntie a kiss! She came all this way to see you.”

These examples can seem so harmless – everyday ways we teach children to be obedient, to mind their manners, and to follow traditions. But this comic shows how these lessons can have a more damaging impact than you might think.

When you consider it this way, it’s no wonder that rape culture is so pervasive – and it’s clear why we need to respect consent for people of all ages, including our children.

With Love,

The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript Panel 1 (A parent is speaking to a child who is standing by another adult while the child looks uncomfortable.) Parent: Give auntie a kiss! She came all this way to see you. Panel 2 (A woman is leaning against a door. A man is speaking to her and looming over her.) Woman: Well, thank you for a lovely evening. Man: Awe, after that nice dinner, don’t I get a kiss? Text Below both Panels 1 and 2: Children are told that adults are owed their attention and affection. When that idea is internalized, it can be difficult to accept that no one is owed physical contact or emotional energy. Panel 3 (An adult is speaking to a child.) Adult: You have to do what I say because I’m in charge. No more arguments. Panel 4 (A person is speaking to a man in a military uniform, the man in the uniform looks upset.) Person: Why didn’t you tell him to stop? Man in Uniform: He’s my captain, my boss – I don’t know how to say no to him. Text Below Panels 3 and 4: Children are told not to argue with authority and to accept commands without question. After growing up, being told that you must respect authority for authority’s sake it’s difficult to refuse requests from someone in a position of authority for your own sake. Panel 5 (An adult speaking to two children) Adult: Even if Bobby did hit you first, fighting isn’t the answer – find an adult to help you. Panel 6 (A woman speaking to a police officer) Woman: I told her to stop but she wouldn’t. Police Officer: Well why didn’t you try to fight her off? Text Below Panels 5 and 6: Children are told that even physical attacks aren’t a good enough reason to resort to violence. As adults we aren’t practiced at defending ourselves but are told we’re complicit in our own abuse if we can’t fight off an attacker. Panel 7 (A man speaking to a young child) Man: Um, well, sex is for two grownups to do when they love each other and they’re married. Sex isn’t something you should be thinking about. Panel 8 (The same man speaking to the child, who is now a young teenager and is very upset) Man: Why didn’t you tell anyone he was touching you? Teenager: You told me I shouldn’t be thinking about sex – I thought I was doing something wrong, and I’d be in trouble for it. Text Below Panels 7 and 8: Children are often told sex isn’t something they should know about, talk about, or ask questions about. People who aren’t educated about consent may have trouble reporting abuse because they feel they’re at fault for the abuse. Panel 9 (An adult speaking to a child) Adult: You’re visiting your mom on Mother’s Day and that’s final – I know she hurt you but it’s just one day a year. It’s tradition. Panel 10 (A man speaking to a woman) Man: If you didn’t want to sleep with him why did it keep happening? Woman: He made me feel like I had to – he’s my husband and it’s my duty. Text Below Panels 9 and 10: Children are told they have to do things they don’t want to because of tradition or duty. As adults, it can be difficult to break away from feelings of obligation tied up in tradition. So people continue to suffer rather than break the traditions. But we can change the way that we treat kids, and we should. Panel 11 (A child and two parents in a grocery store, near them a teen couple are seated at a counter. In the upper left of the panel is a small black box that says “in the best of all possible worlds.”) Teen 1: I’d like to go slower, physically. Teen 2: Okay – I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Teen 1: What if our friends are jerks about it? Teen 2: I’m dating you, not them, so you’re the one whose opinion I care about. Parent 1: What do you want for dinner tonight? Child: Ice cream! Parent 1: Ice cream is good but we need something else to give us more energy. Parent 2: If we have ice cream for dessert what else do you want for dinner? Chicken or eggplant? Child: Eggplant! Text Under Panel 11: Adults need to remember that children are people. Instead of raising children to be obedient, we should focus on autonomy to work toward a better world for adults and children alike. Consent is a skill that must be taught and learned consistently, so it makes no sense to raise children to ignore their own consent and flip it on like a switch as soon as they become adults. Respecting the autonomy of children is vital to creating a world in which consent is respected for people of all ages.

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Alli Kirkham is a Contributing Comic Artist for Everyday Feminism and blogger, cartoonist, and intersectional feminist. Alli earned a BA in English Literature from Cal Poly Pomona in 2011 and uses it as an excuse to blog about books while swearing a lot. When she isn’t cartooning for Everyday Feminism or cursing at popular fiction, she posts cartoons and other silly things on her Tumblr. Check her out on Twitter @allivanlahr.