‘Ever since the porcelain hit my butt and the nicotine hit my body, I was in love’

I’m talking to a guy called JuulShitt who says he’ll never hit the bathroom without hitting the vape ever again. He’s been “vaping since ’12 and shitting since ’95,” but when he tried them both at once, he says, it was love at first voop.

Yes, “voop” — a portmanteau of vape and poop. “Ever since the porcelain hit my butt and the nicotine hit my body, I was in love,” JuulShitt says. “It’s effortless. A nice buzz while browsing the interwebs and doing the deed never hurts.”

JuulShitt — that’s his Reddit username; we granted him anonymity for the sake of radical honesty — is just one of many vape enthusiasts who were delighted to wax poetically about the joys of vooping. I learned that vape bros love the voop, possibly more than vaping itself.

But what about inhaling vapor makes dropping a heater so euphoric, and why do some guys vape almost exclusively in the bathroom?

The Morning Routine

It certainly helps that nicotine — which is abundant in Juul-brand vape juice — is both a stimulant and sedative, which helps fire up the coals and unlock the gates when you’re on the toilet. For vape bros, the Juul becomes a beloved part of their morning poop routine because that first nicotine hit breaks the fast and feels great. “Along with the poop-inducing qualities of vaping, nicotine hits the hardest in the morning,” redditor u/TitoBanana tells MEL. “For regular users, sleeping is the longest span of time they go without having nicotine, so it’s pretty much out of their system when they wake up in the morning.”

“Given you can relax all of your muscles on the toilet with minimal worry,” u/TitoBanana continues, “vaping on the crapper in the morning is very euphoric. You get a stimulant wake-up-call, both to your digestive tract and your brain; you can rid your intestines of whatever shitty food you ate the night before; and, of course, the nicotine rush is quite strong in the morning after sleeping.”

The Heightened Experience

Antonio Javiniar, a marketing manager in the cannabis industry and a Juul aficionado, says “while taking a shit feels great, nothing beats the sweet nicotine buzz while sliding a log outta ya butt.”

A nice buzz paired with enhanced pooping skills is what makes redditor u/OhLongJohnson1 a regular vooper. For him, the stimulant “helps you clean everything out of your system, rather than leaving anything unfinished.” The vape, he says, “will forever be a plus-one accessory to bring to a poop, next to bringing your phone.”

The smell is an improvement, too. “It makes the room smell less of poop, but more of a Fruity Pebbles–scented poop, which in all honesty smells a lot better than just poop, so that’s a plus in my book,” says u/OhLongJohnson1, adding the caveat that the smell covers for the fact that you’re basically “huffing poop particles.”

But, he reasons, “as gross as it is, you are almost always inhaling poop particles when you’re in the bathroom, or even if you’re near someone who farts. So I would say that whatever doesn’t kill you while you’re pooping only makes your immune system stronger… Honestly, not sure if that’s even true, but fuck it.”

Habit Becomes Refuge

For vape bros, though, vaping and pooping is more than just physical routine — it’s ritual. Don’t compare it to the morning coffees of dead-eyed corporate mules.

“[Bros who vape] definitely abuse the bathroom and take extra breaks,” u/JuulShitt tells MEL. “Even if you don’t have to shit, you can usually muster something up after a few precious rips of mango. That being said, it’s a vicious cycle if not done correctly.”

Tag, an influencer on vaping Instagram, says he doesn’t vape around his daughter, so he finds refuge in a locked bathroom with an exhaust fan. “It’s the only time I have by myself where my 4-year-old can’t barge in,” he says, “and if I can kill two birds with one stone, why not.”

The bathroom becomes somewhat of a safe haven for vape bros like r/Juul subscriber u/WhentheBeatKick, who says the bathroom is for vape bros what the outdoor patio or smoke room was to cigarette smokers of yesteryear. “If I’m somewhere I’m not allowed to vape, then the bathroom is where to do it,” he says.

And if you’re in the bathroom, might as well drop trou.

We reached out to Juul for comment, but the company failed to respond (could it be the whole FDA crackdown they’re dealing with?). However, u/JuulShitt already pitched a new catchphrase for the vape brand: “Being constipated is a thing of the past. Buy a Juul and let the sharts blast.”