The following is a case study on how to tell if someone doesn't have kids. Or basic reasoning skills beyond "Don't touch hot things. Burn. Ouchy. Fire!" You say things like "you need to ask the baby's consent first." Baby here is not a two syllable word-filler for a pop song. But the human offspring which is expert only in pooping itself.

Sexuality educator, speaker, and author Deanne Carson thinks you should ask a baby for consent prior to changing its diaper. Congratulations, 2018. You've outdone yourself yet again.

The reporter seems confused and asks "from birth?" "Yes, just about how to set up a culture of consent in their homes so 'I'm going to change your nappy now, is that OK,' Deanne responded. "Of course a baby is not going to respond 'yes mum that's awesome, I'd love to have my nappy changed'. "But if you leave a space, and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact then you're letting that child know that their response matters."

Right off the bat, consent is for sex. Just ask Eric Schneiderman. Or the people sexing up fish. Sex is the implication when people say we need to teach kids about consent. Especially if you call yourself a "sexuality expert." If consent is your first thought when it comes to what goes on in the babies private areas, your babies should be taken away from you. You insane, wackadoodle freak.

Also, have you tried to ask anyone under two-years-old anything? They change their answer each time. My niece deciding between Caillou and The Wiggles can sometimes be a thirty-minute process. Either they change their mind, or the answer is always "no." That includes when they have a full load in their diaper. As you chase them around the house while opening all the windows.

Raising kids to be the ones who make the rules of the house are how we got the Millennial generation. The younger side of the generation. Not the older Millennials who hold jobs. The ones who may be eating Tide pods. Or squandering their savings on avocado toast. Now imagine you start teaching kids as a baby that you, the parent, aren't the boss of them. Suddenly What to Expect When You're Expecting turns into Lord of the Flies. Hide the conch shells.

What this woman really needs a diaper to the face. After the baby went for ice cream and had a bottle afterward.

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