“Alter Egos. Beyoncé has one. Lady Gaga has one. Nicki Minaj has two … So why should you rock only one identity?”

So you can seem sane?

“To find out your guy’s intentions, be painfully direct: Ask if he thinks marriage is the next step.”

Or just don’t freak him out by acting like marriage is the life equivalent of reaching Candy Land.

“Vibrators … For Your Face”

Vibrators you can pretend are for your face for some reason.

“Treat him to a manly mask.”

If I know guys (and I kinda do a little, sorta), they do not consider rubbing goo on their face to get them “pimple-free and ready to play” a treat.

“Lure him into the shower for a quickie but apply a hydrating hair mask to each other first.”

If you’re that concerned that your boyfriend’s hair is too dry, tell him. Guys respond to other things than sex with ulterior, Garnier Fructisse-related motives.

“Use your underwear as a scrunchie.”

If you insist on doing this, don’t use the word “scrunchie” during sex.

“When you’re at the bar, take off your thong and slip it into his hand.”

Ok, this one might be debatable, but it kinda seems like something that trashy spoiled teenager on the new 90210 would do.

“Tell us which provocative pantie trick you tried by tweeting us @cosmoonline with the hash tag #CosmoUnderwearChallenge.”

I don’t want the library of congress knowing if I tried making a whipped cream bikini and followed it up with eating cherries “for a lusty topping.”

Also, I’m not alone here.





To “get in good with his friends,” say, “Hanging out with you guys is like watching a funnier version of Jackass.”

The kind of girl his pals are freaked out by is the kind who practices lines from Cosmo in a sidebar about “getting in good with his friends.”

“Tantalize your man based on his sign.”

Just never tell him you’re doing this.

-Becky Lang