The race for the Republican nomination for president has been one of the most theatrical in modern times – so many characters! Costume changes! Plot twists! – but last night's results wrung from it every last bit of drama there might be. From here on out, it's comedy.

There's Rick Santorum's slapstick (tripping over reporters, sometimes facts: elderly fleeing the killer Dutch government!) and Newt Gingrich's lively improvisation (he's very much making up his campaign as he goes along).

And then, there's Mitt Romney. I guess we can call him deadpan. How else to interpret his utterly unself-conscious assertion that the problem with Obama is that he's "surrounded by an adoring staff … it's enough to make you think you might become a little out of touch." At least, Obama's adoring staff kept him from putting ten grand on the NCAA final four, and we still don't know how many Cadillacs Michelle drives.

Romney's victory speech was the most Obama-focused of the campaign thus far, so it's fair to assume that we can see in it the architecture of Romney's general election strategy. And you can insert your own Etch-a-Sketch joke here, but the attacks are so hamfisted-yet-mechanical that the toy I'm reminded of is Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. (Here is where the joke about the contest really being between Mitt Romney and an older version of Mitt Romney goes, by the way.)

So, this is how the Romney team wants people to see the race: first, don't bother with information that might make your decision difficult. "This campaign will deal with many complicated issues," Romney said, "but there is a basic choice before us." That done, just open up your Ayn Rand textbooks and follow along. Obama, Romney argued, "has spent the last four years laying the foundation for a new 'Government-Centered Society'". Romney, on the other hand, promised that he would "spend the next four years rebuilding the foundation of our 'Opportunity Society'".

This dichotomy only works if you see in two dimensions, so please remember to keep one eye closed until after 6 November.

I didn't actually read Romney's prepared speech until after he delivered it, but somehow, I wasn't surprised that the script treated those terms like newly-discovered proper nouns. You could hear the capital letters in his voice – they are, for him, what passes emotion. The terms themselves reek of focus-grouped wisdom. I get the libertarian-boosted menace of "Government-Centered Society", but I do wonder if "Opportunity Society" was the wisest choice as its alternative. It conjures images of a particularly well-done infomercial. So … well, yeah: the most passion Romney ever generates is that of a guy selling you a really nice set of knives. That mild smile, the punch at the end of sentences that says, "But do I have a deal for you!"

The production values in place (apparently, the only visual improvement to make is in the quest for an even bigger American flag), the campaign is still working out the specifics of the sale. Low-test nationalism is the basic fuel of Republican candidates but Romney's references clanked. Lauding Americans' commitment to triumphing over adversity – or rather, "mistakes and failures of leadership" – he said that when "the hill before us is a little steeper," well, "we have always been a nation of big steppers." Right. George Washington and the Hundred-League Boots. A more damning glitch came when Romney spoke hopefully about how, under his administration, "Help Wanted signs can get dusted off and put in the front yard." There is really only one category of people who hires workers in their front yard, and that's someone looking to hire landscapers of questionable legal status … as Mitt Romney has.

Late in the evening, after the speeches and the results, Twitter buzzed over the promotion of a weeks-old photo from the Obama White House. It showed former Star Trek actress Nichelle Nichols embraced by the president, with both of them flashing Spock's "Live-long-and-prosper" split-finger salute. More than one wag noted that this picture is just more fodder for Obama being born outside the United States. But the candid shot suggests one of the basic differences between the president – who has never seemed comfortable with people, only cool – and the Massachusetts governor. Even in repose, Obama's instincts are to lean in to his own nerdiness, to embrace (literally) his weird. With Romney, the more he tries to seem like one of us, the more alien he gets.