From the Alfalfa dinner: Jokes galore

Saturday night’s 102nd Alfalfa Club dinner was closed to the press, but Politico Playbook printed some of the top quips and quotes from the three speakers:

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) had this instant classic, which was the talk of the after-party: “Jeb Bush looks like he’s running for president. So now we know what the Bush family means by ‘no child left behind.’”


Robert Gates, former Defense secretary, and this year’s Alfalfa president: “When it comes to drones, I do think we need to reduce their number. The 435 we have in the House is enough. …

“Mike Bloomberg had a tough time as mayor of New York. The city’s soda vendors turned their backs on him. …

“Washington is the only place where you can see someone walking down Lovers Lane, holding his own hand.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), accepting the nomination at the Capital Hilton as the club’s incoming president (a repeat role for him), got a lot of buzz for transcending his stiff image: “My point is, I can lead. Americans simply aren’t impressed by all the old faces — Clinton, Romney, Bush. People are looking for a fresh, exciting face — you know, like me. …

“I can work with the president. We’re honest with each other. I told him once that I thought he was aloof and condescending. He said, ‘I’m not condescending. I’m just too busy thinking about far more important things than you would understand.’”

McConnell closed by saluting his father-in-law, James Chao, who came to America from China and prospered as he raised six daughters, four of whom went to Harvard Business School (including his wife, former Labor Secretary Elaine Chao): “It always makes me feel good to tell that story, and I tell it tonight simply to remind us of the responsibilities we have to maintain the freedoms that made James Chao’s success possible.

“I hope with all my heart we can find a way for the president and the Congress to support that same end. So, tonight, I accept your good-natured nomination, and I do so in recognition of all the Chaos and Garcias and Abbouds who aspire to sit in the warmth and prosperity and camaraderie of a room like this.”

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