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Local man, Simon Benson (21) didn’t think it was possible to feel as bad as he does today.

He says he feels worse than 100-years worth of romanticised Outback cinematography with unnecessarily tragic Indigenous subplots and always at least one sweaty old woman hanging clothes on a hills hoist with a lit cigarette in her mouth.

It seems that three days of drinking alcopops and not eating will do that to you, and as a young bloke who’s only been in the full-time workforce for a couple of years, Simmo’s struggling.

Despite the fact that every waking minute feels worse than the fascination with a bunch of school girls disappearing in regional Victoria over 120 years ago.

“I feel like a tired fetishisation with Italians shooting each other in Melbourne” he says.

“Deadset. My arvo has basically been a fifteen minute scene featuring a tattooed up white guy in a shearers singlet counting money in an archetypical middle class living room while smoking a ciggie with toddlers around”

Luckily for Simon, most of his colleagues are working from home, meaning very few will see him looking like an arguably inconsistent historical timeline where regional policemen still ride horses into town tomorrow.

“At least I can sit here in my empty office while I feel like a spooky regional town with a bizarrely violent gangster element to it, serving as a backdrop to a bunch of emotionally stoic young men who stumble across a floating body”