Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Devil’s Guide to Google

Here’s how to become a totally evil, worm-like creature with Google’s array of services in under a month:

Start a spam blog with Blogger.com. Use Google News to send automated email alerts on any conceivable high-paying topic to your Blogger’s blog-by-mail address. Copy Wikipedia’s content, which is free to share, and create a website with AdSense ads that look exactly like content. Wait a week or two for Google to index your site and send innocent searchers toward you. Create a module for the Google Personalized Homepage that does nothing more but advertise your website. Pay a 12-men army of Russian click-workers to click on your AdSense. Tell them how to switch proxies so they won’t show the same IP to Google. Cash in the check. Spam every blog on Google’s BlogSpot. Pay a couple of thousand upfront for some poor developer to crack the captcha Google uses. Create a huge database of affiliate products (stuff you don’t own, but get paid for in commissions), and automatically create a multitude of variants for each product title, including spelling errors. Then, submit this massive spamfest to Google Base and find new income streams in a week. Become a copyright lawyer, search Google Images for copyright violations committed by teenagers, and threaten their parents to pay you hard cash or be sued. Pay for advertisement on any major location on Google Maps, and make your ad read “Frank sucks.” (Replace “Frank” with someone you hate.) Tell the Chinese gov’t that website xyz.com (replace “xyz” with your competitor’s website) is doing some “really nasty human rights stuff.” Watch see the site be censored on Google.cn in approximately two weeks. Buy 2 million cheap domains, heavily interlink them, and wait until they go up in Google’s ranking. Start using them to sell Viagra.

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