Painfully unaware of the disinterest of his peers, the new freshman continued, "And after this semester, I’ll be taking 3000 and 4000 level classes." The freshman might have been deterred had he been exposed to a study published in 2014 by Georgia Tech’s School of Psychology. The study found a strong negative correlation between the number of credits that a freshman starts off with and the number of shits that his peers have to give.

The study also found that at least 25% of the student population wouldn’t give a fuck* if a freshman’s AP credits made him a senior; a further 10% wouldn’t give a flying fuck* if a freshman came in with enough AP credits to literally obtain magical powers.

The Crouton reached out to FASET about whether they would consider including these statistics in their orientation materials but they have yet to respond.

*Worth approximately 1.29 shits given

**Worth approximately 1.85 shits given

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described above occurred in real life. None of the opinions expressed reflect those of Georgia Tech.