Eurovision Song Contest Drinking Game

A brief guide to TV drinking games

Television drinking games are celebrations of cliche. The idea is to have a small drink every time a cliche is shown, and a large drink every time a cliche is broken. The original TV drinking game was allegedly the Dallas drinking game, where you had to match any drink that any character was shown having. Dangerous stuff.

In this drinking game, there are three sizes of drink; in ascending order: sip, slurp and chug. Please scale these to the drink you're having. For beer, they would be about a swig, a full mouthful, and three gulps respectively. For spirits, they would be about a quarter, a half and a whole shot glass respectively.

Have fun, but know your limits!

The Game

Unless stated otherwise, all events listed below deserve one sip.

Presenters

There are always two presenters on screen, a Host and a Hostess. Each broadcaster usually provides an additional Commentator to provide voice-over translations, background information and witty sarcasm.

The Commentator makes a satirical comment that no-one laughs at

The Host and Hostess try and fail to be funny

The Host and Hostess sing

The Host and Hostess speak in rhyme

The Host and Hostess gaze into each others eyes

The Host and Hostess kiss: chug

The Hostess changes her dress

The Host changes his outfit: slurp

Presenters having a time-wasting conversation that no-one can follow, understand or care less about

Performances — general points

Song has a tacky or nonsensical title (shoo-wop etc.)

Politically-related metaphor (e.g. breaking out of chains, shedding a black cloak to reveal white clothes)

Lyrics are literally demonstrated in the performance

Act steals ideas from Eurovision acts from previous years

Use of props (e.g. candles, ribbons, dummies, mobile phones)

Use of pyrotechnics or lasers; if they go wrong: chug

Interaction with the audience; if the audience is unusually passive: slurp

Any time the song goes up a key

France conducts a musical experiment

conducts a musical experiment France sings in English: chug

sings in English: A country from Former Yugoslavia has a depressing song

has a depressing song Germany's song mentions peace, harmony or love (one sip each)

song mentions peace, harmony or love (one each) A country borrows any performer from another country if the borrowed performer is Irish : slurp if the country doing the borrowing is Ireland : chug



For future reference (see Judging below), make a note of any:

predictions that the Commentator makes about the song

acts where the attractiveness of the performer(s) is the only thing going for it

Appearance of performers

Retro/out-of-date clothing and hairstyles

Bad dress-sense; if utterly offensive: slurp

Experimental make-up

Indecently revealing or figure-hugging costumes: slurp

Overt displays of cleavage

Codpiece(s): chug

Faked blond hair ( East European countries only)

countries only) Hat(s); if horned: chug

Sunglasses

Moustache(s); if female with moustache: chug

Main singer is grossly overweight

Malta : male singer does not have a hairy chest: slurp

: male singer does not have a hairy chest: Mid-performance costume change

Singers and back-up vocalists

Sing in a language other than their native tongue, English or French

Perform through the medium of rap: slurp

Wink at camera

Drop to their knees

Flick their hair; if they flick non-existent hair: chug

Make a victory/peace V sign

Wave their arms above their heads whilst singing

Punch the air

Put excessive emotion into their singing

Sing out of tune

Emit high and loud obnoxious noises

Play or mime along with musicians during instrumentals; if they play badly: slurp

Resemble someone you know

Resemble another famous person if that person is present in the audience: slurp if the camera zooms in and lingers on that person: chug

Flirt with the camera after finishing

Dancers and musicians

Play an ethnic instrument (includes panpipes)

Play piano while standing

Ethnic dancing

Hip-hop style dancing: slurp

Dancing that detracts from the performance

Dancing that surpasses belief and credibility

Pretend fighting: if martial arts, chug

Contortionist: chug

Television coverage and venue

Transmission goes a bit wonky

Preview video is completely pointless

Preview video is full of gormless smiles

National symbols are seen somewhere

Helicopter shots

Sped up or slowed down film

Prolonged video mixes

Colour replacement effects

Any special effect better than the songs

Judging

Bad time delays during video/audio link

Host/Hostess overlap with voter during video/audio link because of the bad delay

Host/Hostess have to hurry a voter for wasting time with pointless wittering

The Commentator's predictions come true (one sip each)

each) The Commentator is genuinely surprised by a decision

Bad acts receive high (8+) points due to attractiveness of lead singer

The Commentator makes a snide comment about regional voting (see below for the usual offenders). Bonus sips for any of the following phrases: block voting mutual voting society still getting used to democracy vote for your neighbour contest

for any of the following phrases: There's a discussion why Israel is involved

is involved Reference made to Norway having null points

having Norway gives points to Sweden but Sweden does not give any to Norway

gives points to but does not give any to Norway does not give Sweden any points at all: chug

does not give any points at all: Cyprus gives Greece 12 points or vice versa

gives 12 points or vice versa France does not give United Kingdom any points

does not give any points Monaco gives France 12 points

gives 12 points Germany gives any points at all to Austria : chug

gives any points at all to : Greece gives any points at all to Turkey : chug

gives any points at all to : United Kingdom gives Ireland 12 points or vice versa

gives 12 points or vice versa United Kingdom comes second or last

comes second or last Ireland win yet again

win yet again Acts are on their mobile phone to their family during voting

If the winning country declines to hold the event for any or all of the following: chug Financial reasons Political reasons Personal reasons Moral reasons



Optional extras

Begin each act with a shot of a drink native to that country

Choose a country to support and if it receives 1 to 7 points on any given vote: sip if it receives 8, 10 or 12 points: slurp if it wins: chug throughout the reprise



Regional voting

Here are some of the alleged "mutual voting societies" to look out for at the Contest: