In the manner of today’s hottest reality programs, I need to inform you that the story you are about to read is entirely true. Historically in cases such as this the names have been changed to protect the innocent. In this case, the names have been retained specifically to amplify their shame.

Lore Sjoberg’s classic hierarchy is an invaluable tool, but at this late hour could do with an increase in resolution. Even so, Version 2.0 does firmly delineate the gulf between people who play role-playing games and those who play live-action role playing games, though I doubt that Faire attendees believe themselves members of this latter group. I strongly believe that I could find myself quite at home in such circumstances, and it would be a great excuse to buy a lute; I think I might like it too much. This is why I must present an impenetrable ironic front.

It sounds as though my tale of technology woe struck a chord, which I guess shouldn’t be a tremendous surprise. What’s terrible is that I had turned to the computer specifically because of my experience with Blur, a game which (in a first, to my knowledge) can lock you and all of your friends up simultaneously. I ran to the PC, for protection, and perhaps for love, and was turned away.

Never fear that your host has not investigated the baseline, Tier One bullshit. I want to fix this thing sensibly, on the cheap. I’d prefer to transform my excess funds into artisanal cheddars, hand selected at a rainy Farmer’s Market. Believe that I have scoured this motherfucker. I’ve run bank-by-bank memory tests, memory swaps, swapped hard disks, swapped video cards, installed clean, upgraded, put my left foot in, removed it, shaken it about, repeating the process with each limb until the process culminated in its spasmodic finale. This process went on until the option pool had been reduced to

1. Rolling in my remaining canisters of CN-20, or

2. Nuking the site from orbit.

This second option has the benefit of absolute operational certainty.

I received a “tweet” offering tech help from Anand Shimpi, like, AnandTech Anand Shimpi. His name is inside the name of the site! Imagine receiving a mail from Tom Hardware, or Robert OCP. This is like getting Jesus to help you put together your Ikea furniture, but okay; I’ll take it. I’ve been without a machine for more than a week now, well over, and the sensation is not unlike pain.

(CW)TB out.