Even the most optimistic of Everton fans probably knew that Romelu Lukaku wasn’t going to stick around at Goodison for a July and August of inglorious Europa League qualifiers. Having rejected a new contract offer from Everton, the joint-top Premier League goalscorer looks certain to leave Merseyside this summer, with ol’ muckers Chelsea waving their hands frantically in the Belgian’s direction with wads of cash and a contract promising to turn him into the next Michy Batshuayi. Maybe if Romelu is really good in training, he could be loaned out to West Brom in January. And the cycle continues. It’s the only thing keeping the Mill in a job.

For those doubting Lukaku’s desire to go back to the Bridge – apart from joining childhood friends Thibaut Courtois and Eden Hazard, let the Mill remind them of a video from 2010 in which a then-unknown 16-year-old Romelu Lukaku visits Chelsea’s stadium on a school trip, and standing in awe, announces to the camera: “If one day in my life I will cry, it will be the day I play here.” The guy likes Chelsea. He would cost upwards of £65m.

Perhaps Lukaku’s Mr 15% Mino Raiola can replace the wonder and dreams in Lukaku’s eyes with a few pound signs and the lure of a move to Manchester United instead. The super agent already has a few familiar faces at Old Trafford in Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Henrikh Mkhitaryan and Paul Pogba, who is living proof that going back to your old club always works out.

Hot young Marseille thing Maxime Lopez, born in the city, has claimed that Liverpool told him last year that they want him to replace Philippe Coutinho. “They even told me: ‘In five years, you will be playing in place of Coutinho!’” the 19-year-old told L’Equipe. “They really smooth-talked me well. I even met Steven Gerrard, at the stadium, after the match. I wanted to go, but I also wanted to stay at Marseille” – the sort of comments which the locals at the Stade Vélodrome don’t normally take to heart.

International transfer alert! If there’s one thing that Spain need, it is a diminutive inexperienced central midfielder that doesn’t speak the language, and Tottenham’s Harry Winks is just that man, because despite appearing for England U17s, U18s, U19s, U21s, he could yet be poached by the Spanish FA at the crucial moment, thanks to his Spanish grandparents.

Swansea City have one objective this season, avoid relegation two objectives this season, avoid relegation and somehow convince Gylfi Sigurdsson not to do one in May. And they are pulling out all of the stops too in light of interest from West Ham and Everton, by signing compatriot and half-brother of Eidur Gudjohnsen, Arnor Borg Gudjohnsen, who joins on a two-year scholarship from Icelandic club Breidablik UBK. Kind of like that time Blackburn Rovers signed Roque Santa Cruz’s brother, Julio, in 2008, just before Roque joined Manchester City and Blackburn began their descent into the Championship. Works a charm!

We’ll end at West Ham, who have asked Arsenal very nicely if they have can Lucas Pérez at the end of the season to act as a foil for Andy Carroll’s topknot. Whether Slaven Bilic will be around is another matter after he was given a verbal clip around the ear by the club’s co-chairman, David Sullivan, following the latest defeat to Bournemouth. “’I was very disappointed and frustrated with the manner of our defeat. Slaven, the players and the staff all know we have to do better. while we’ve managed to get ourselves back into games like the ones at Southampton and Watford and at home to West Brom, there will be matches where we cannot equalise. That situation cannot go on. I am sure Slaven, his backroom staff and the team were not happy with what happened and they will think about it a lot over the next few days.” Sounds ominous, doesn’t it?