Gardendale's not racist. Haven't you heard? Some of its best friends are black.

Not friends it wants to attend schools there, of course, but friends. You know, like that sweet cashier at Walmart. She's so well spoken.

Why can't they all be like that?

Dang.

It must have been brutal for the architects of Gardendale's on-again-off-again school system to hear this week that years of trying to form a brighter, whiter school system were dashed by a three-judge panel of the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals.

It must have been worse when it sunk in that the court needed only a month to rule, and the damning opinion was not written by some melting snowflake, but Alabama conservative icon Bill Pryor, a man vilified as a "right-wing zealot" when he was being considered for a potential U.S. Supreme Court nomination -- by President Trump no less.

The decision was matter of fact. On the nose. Impossible to ignore.

Gardendale High School.

Gardendale, led by a handful of secession activists, played every race card they could finagle to separate from the Jefferson County Board of Education. They played to the fears of white people, sought to exclude blacks, grudgingly agreed to take a few as a "bitter pill" to force the separation through the courts, and hired a superintendent who acknowledged to the court he'd never, in 17 years in the education biz, worked with or hired a black teacher.

Mighty white of you, Gardendale.

It was all a mistake, the president of Gardendale's wannabe board of education sputtered in the wake of the ruling. Mostly a mistake by the judges, but by some of the secessionists, too.

"In our view, the judges mistakenly attributed what they saw as improper motives by a few to the Board of Education and the City as a whole," Michael Hogue said in response to the ruling. "We plan to pursue all legal options to vindicate the rights of our residents and receive permission to operate what we have always desired: an excellent school system, open to students of all races, and dedicated to improving the education of our children."

It's not us. It's you!

I guess I'm being too hard on Gardendale. They're just trying to do what Midfield and Vestavia Hills and Homewood and Hoover and Leeds and Trussville did before.

Gardendale just did it in such a ham-handed way it was easy for everybody to see.

You know, like a child molester who has the decency to post a NAMBLA sign in his front yard. At least you know what you're up against.

Of course Vestavia Hills wasn't that subtle back in the day. It saw graffiti on the wall and bolted to create its own system as soon as Alabama schools were desegregated. It even had the temerity to name itself the Rebels. But that was before the court orders, way back when George Wallace was walking around.

Gardendale's secessionists pointed to demographics in public arguments for its own system, as Pryor wrote. They fanned the flames of prejudice and actually invoked the whole "there goes the neighborhood" bit. They warned residents that if they failed to act, Gardendale would become another Center Point.

Which, if you're over there in Center Point, is more than a little insulting.

I guess in the end we should be thankful to those Gardendale secessionists.

Though their intentions may have been misguided and racist, they were at least transparent about it.

Like Drunk Uncle at Thanksgiving, who just can't help himself.

At least you know where he stands, though. So you know to keep your kids away.

John Archibald's column appears in The Birmingham News, the Huntsville Times, the Mobile Register and AL.com. Write him at jarchibald@al.com.

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