Roman Catholicism is essentially a necromantic death cult, praying to the dead, worshiping a dead woman, and collecting decapitated and dismembered body parts to hold in sacred veneration.

They have vials of Mary’s breast milk (it’s been pasteurized, apparently), St. Janarius’ blood, Saint Catherine of Sienna’s head, the foreskin of Christ, Saint Antonius’ body, the heart of Saint Camillus, the hand of Saint Teresa, the tongue and jaw of Saint Anthony, and everything but the feet of Saint Peter. All of these are either on traveling display or enshrined in a religious pilgrim tourist trap, and hold special religious power or blessings (and occasionally indulgences) for going to see them. But sometimes, the dismembered body parts come to us.

The severed hand of Saint Francis Xavier will be making a 14-city tour of Canada from January 3 to February 2. It will be traveling with Angèle Regnier, who says the adventure “will be like having a road trip with a friend.” On flights, the hand will have its own seat next to Regnier.

Describing Xavier, CBC Radio quotes Regnier:

“St. Francis Xavier is one of our patron saints. We really like him a lot. He came to faith at university…He was the cool guy. He was the athletic guy. Probably partying more than doing his schoolwork.”

According to the Papists, the hand of Xavier hasn’t rotted as quickly as a normal hand, meaning that it’s a supernatural sign of God’s preservation. Pictures of the hand, however, demonstrate that the supposed preservation is still pretty gross.

According to Catholic lore, Francis Xavier was discipled in faith by the founder of the Jesuit Order, Ignatius Loyola. He died in 1552 in India, but for the sake of relic-hunting (which was – and still is – a big revenue developer), his arm was taken from his (supposed) grave later in the 17th century.

Reiner says, “So somehow the agreement was made for the arm to go to the Mother Church in Rome. It’s his right arm, so it’s the arm that he would have use to baptize and heal and, you know, done amazing things with.”

If you want to use the hand’s journey through Canada as an opportunity to preach the Gospel to idolaters, here is its schedule:

Jan. 3: Quebec City.

Jan. 5: St John’s.

Jan. 7: Halifax.

Jan. 8: Antigonish, N.S.

Jan. 10: Kingston, Ont.

Jan. 12-14: Toronto.

Jan. 16: Winnipeg.

Jan. 18: Saskatoon.

Jan. 20: Regina.

Jan. 21-22: Calgary.

Jan. 24-25: Vancouver.

Jan. 27: Victoria.

Jan. 29-30: Montreal.

Feb. 2: Ottawa.

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