26-year old Pennsylvania woman Amanda Catherine Hein was pregnant, but had been keeping it a secret. So when she prematurely gave birth in the bathroom at Starters Pub in Bethlehem, north of Philadelphia, she handled it like any new, young, scared mother might. You know, by putting the baby in a plastic bag and leaving it for employees to find later in the tank of a toilet.

This is one of those stories you have to write up like that, because the reality of a woman giving birth and disposing of it like cat shit is so impossibly cruel and unreasonable that any attempt to seriously understand it might drive you to madness.

“I cannot get inside this lady’s head,” Northampton County District Attorney John Morganelli said of Hein’s potential motive. “I have no clue.”

The funny thing — and I use “funny” in the most horrifying way possible — is that she stashed the baby like garbage because she’d originally gone to the bar to watch SummerSlam, and it wasn’t over yet. I am not shitting you.

After giving birth, Hein allegedly smoked a cigarette and rejoined friends, gathered to watch the pay-per-view wrestling show “WWE SummerSlam.” (via New York Post)

That’s right, she left a premature baby (who authorities say was premature, but still could’ve survived) to suffocate and die because she wanted to see The Best versus The Beast. Here’s a video report of the story, so you don’t think I’m making up something sensational for web stupid wrestling web traffic.

I am currently shaking my head with sadness until it becomes unhinged and falls off.