Earlier this week, in a column on Bill Gates, fellatio and media, and how all three relate to a profile of Gates in last week's Time magazine, this column daringly offered free software into the millennium to anyone who remembers one thing Bill Gates ever said. We were taking issue with the notion advanced in the magazine that Mr. Gates is shaping this or the next century as a visionary leader, as opposed to just selling lots of software. Within minutes of the column's postings, the first challengers had emailed, all offering the same quote.

"I've got one for you," messaged a hacker from Cambridge. "Some years back, Gates said '640K is more memory than anyone will ever need.' Where do I pick up my software?"

Dan emailed: "I win! Gates said once that '640K software is all the memory anybody would ever need on a computer.' What do I get?" Susannah wrote from San Francisco: "Ha, Katz. You've finally stepped in it. Gates said that 640K of memory is all that anybody with a computer would ever need. Where's the stuff?"

Several dozen versions of the same quote appeared, all claiming victory and wanting the free software promised in the column.

We gulped. Were we caught in our own ruse? And could Bill Gates, the man journalism tells us almost daily is a profound visionary, have been so short-sighted?

We might be insufferable, pompous, Marxist, degenerate and all the other things people accuse us of, but that doesn't make us stupid. Do you honestly think we would offer anything free if we weren't 100 percent certain there was no chance we could lose? Claiming Gates has never uttered a memorable thought is as good and solid as gold. Take that to the bank, losers.

Check out this feature on the Huntsville Times (Tennessee) Web site, where you can read Bill Gates' impassioned denial that he ever said anything as potentially unprofitable as the quote attributed to him, and where you can also see just how safe our bet really is.

On the site, Gates takes questions from kids.

QUESTION: "I read in a newspaper that in l981 you said '640K of memory should be enough for anybody.' What did you mean when you said this?"

ANSWER: "I've said some stupid things and some wrong things, but not that. No one involved in computers would ever say that a certain amount of memory is enough for all time."

Gates goes on a bit about 16-bit computers and megabytes of logical address space, but the kid's question (will this boy never work at Microsoft?) clearly rankled the billionaire visionary.

"Meanwhile, I keep bumping into that silly quotation attributed to me that says 640K of memory is enough. There's never a citation; the quotation just floats like a rumor, repeated again and again."

Silly quotations do have a way of floating like rumors.

Well, the truth starts here.

He never said it. No free software.

Mr. Gates, on behalf of the Web community, we're setting the record straight. Although we never said it ourselves, we apologize for this outrageous slander, and regret even inhabiting a medium that would think for one second of a world bounded by memory too small to encompass Windows 95 or Microsoft Internet Explorer.

An aside - did you know you can ask him anything you want at: askbill@microsoft.com?

But, don't fret, software scroungers. As a consolation prize, Wired Ventures has decided to give free Power Macs to five million webheads. To qualify, you have to be 13, born at the precise moment Saturn crossed the Jupiter moons, and be willing to walk naked around the world without food or drink, and with a laptop hanging around your neck. Other details are being worked out. We'll be in touch.

Reading through Gates' Q&A with America's youth, we feel pretty good about our bet. A 14-year-old female asked him about probable career opportunities.

His answer: "There will be a wealth of opportunities relating to software."

Talk about vision. No wonder Time said this man is shaping our world.

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Other favorite feedback from this column: A woman (a Wal-Mart shopper, no doubt) emailed in outrage that I had used the word "blow job" in a public forum. "You are disgusting," she messaged. "How dare you use a word like 'blow-job' in your column, you fucking moron?"

We also heard from the author of the Bill Gates piece in Time, the magazine's managing editor, Walter Isaacson. He suggested we read the piece again and rethink whether it was an act of fellatio or not. We did and we do.

But he gets points for being perhaps the only high-ranking editor in journalism who would respond personally and directly to criticism. For embracing interactivity, he gets the Media Rant 640K award.