Back in the 1950s, two researchers named Tinbergen and Magnus played a trick on butterflies. [1] After figuring out which marks on female butterfly wings were most eye-catching to males, the researchers created their own cardboard butterfly models. They exaggerated the patterns on the wings to make them brighter and flashier than would ever be found in nature. Essentially, they created the world’s first butterfly supermodels.

And the male butterflies fell for it. They went straight for the cardboard mock-ups and tried to mate with them. Ignoring the real female butterflies that were right there in plain sight, the males gave all their attention to the exaggerated pictures. [2] Sound familiar?

Like the duped butterflies, porn consumers can get so obsessed chasing flashy fantasies that they miss out on real life and real relationships. Call it the first great lie of porn: