When you’re surrounded by people, you can still be isolated.

You might be in a busy bar, beer in hand, but it can feel like the loneliest place in the world.

When Damian and I started our podcast MenTalkHealth, we didn’t have a clear intent on what we wanted to do.

What came out of it was the older LGBTI people in Brighton came to us and said it was amazing. These were people that weren’t going out but they still wanted to listen to gay voices.

The majority of gay men I know are always busy, but they often don’t make any actual connections. Grindr and Scruff aren’t real. You might meet people going out to bars, with all its drinking and drugs, but you won’t find real connections there.

Digital Pride is the only global Pride and is dedicated to enabling everyone to be part of a Pride, whoever they are and wherever they live in the world. This year, we are focusing on tackling loneliness and isolation. It takes place on Gay Star News from 29 April to 5 May 2019. Find out more.

So many wasted Sundays

When Sunday comes along, the hangover still raging, you don’t have plans to see anyone. And in that moment, you realise you are isolated.

A Sunday for straight people is often with family, or close friends. But with gay people, it’s like everyone’s recovering.

It hits me hard when I’ve got no one to see or nothing to do.

If I’m feeling bad, or I’m struggling, that’s when I stay in and do my bad eating. It also makes the situation worse by falling into self-pity.

One thing I’ve been trying to do on those days is to actively make the intention to go out. I’ll have brunch on my own, as an example. It’s hard for a lot of people to do but it’s something I’ve learned to enjoy.

I have to do something because if you spend those Sundays isolated it will have an impact on the rest of the week.

One of the great things about the gay community is that we have active social lives. But what do we do in the daytime? Most of the time, we miss out on activities if it doesn’t fit in with going to sleep at 5 in the morning.

You might think you’ve made the best of friends on a night out, but you don’t get any real companionship. It’s forgotten in the blackout.



How to start living for yourself instead of for the weekends

The one thing I’ve started to do is put an end point to my evening. If I was going out on Saturday, I’ll make a point to leave at 1am.

If I do that, I can get up and still do something with my Sunday. I now feel comfortable to say no when everyone’s wanting me to stay out.

I don’t even have to see anyone if everyone’s busy. It’s about making a day plan so there’s something there.

Although I do understand the fear of missing out.

One of the things we’ve heard a lot about from listeners of the podcast is they fear they have to go out because that’s the only time they’re around other LGBTI people.

They go out even if they don’t like being surrounded by drunken antics. They’re unfulfilled.

Digital connections

That’s where digital connections come in. It gives people a place to engage with others in a different way that’s not just about being out on a Friday or Saturday night.

We get people messaging us saying it’s nice to hear gay voices, it’s like having us in the room. It’s good to have an actual conversation rather than shouting over loud music at a bar.

Any kind of LGBTI content is empowering to people, whether it’s a discussion over mental health or Drag Race. What something like our podcast does is bring people together who don’t feel comfortable in the bars or want something different from their conversations.

I will say that digital conversation should go hand in hand with the physical. There has to be a balance.

But if you’re the kind of gay guy that wants to go to a bar, that’s great. But if you’re also a gay guy that doesn’t drink or prefers tending to a garden or something, you need somewhere to connect. The online world provides that for you.

Davey Shields is a co-host of the MenTalkHealth podcast. Follow him on Twitter.

What is Digital Pride?

Digital Pride is the online movement, created by Gay Star News, so you can take part in Pride whoever and wherever you are. Even if you are from a country where being LGBTI is criminalized or leaves you in danger – it’s a Pride festival you can be a part of.

In 2019, Digital Pride is tackling loneliness and isolation with articles and videos connecting LGBTI people. Join us by reaching out to someone who needs it. The festival takes place on Gay Star News from 29 April to 5 May 2019. Find out more.

See more from #DigitalPride

https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/casual-sex-loneliness-contact/#gs.8hv67d

https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/will-you-darling-meetup-london/#gs.8hva2i

https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/lgbti-sober-socialize-scene-without-alcohol/#gs.8hv9h3