Microsoft's Upcoming Foldable Surface Duo Phone Will Ship Pre-Broken

Foldable phones are the future, and not only because of the alliteration. Think of all the great things that fold: laptop computers, money, futons--the list goes on and on. Samsung was the first entrant in the foldable phone footrace with the Galaxy Fold, initially released in April. Naturally, consumers found ways to destroy years of laborious engineering in seconds, forcing Samsung to rework the design and re-release the Fold in late September. Hoping to take advantage of their competitor’s mistakes, Microsoft has included a surprise feature with their upcoming foldable Surface Duo phone: it’s already broken.

While Samsung showcases a strikingly fragile foldable display, Microsoft has cut to the chase and severed the screen right down the middle. They’re beginning a marketing campaign around the slogan, “We broke it so you don’t have to!”

Microsoft’s chief product officer, Panos Panay, had this to say about the decision: “First of all, we just can’t make something that’s not broken. Look at our May update for Windows 10. There are so many problems with [the update] that we still haven’t rolled it out to everyone yet. So why should we even try to make a phone without some sort of fundamental defect? It’s just not who we are. Secondly, we’ve seen how people treat their all-but-prohibitively-expensive technological hardware. You can’t hand a gorilla a soufflé and a slim-fit tuxedo and expect to sit down to a fancy dinner.”

The screen’s sensible split also means that users now have two screens instead of one, so add the Surface Duo to the list of things that are better if you have two: laptop computers, money, futons--the list is endless.