Csmxx Tue 10-Sep-19 10:34:45

So I have a friend, who has a daughter. Her daughter is very quiet (shes nearly 2), doesn't like being away from mum, timid and the opposite of my daughter really. But I put this down to every child being different.



I recently went to their house. The house was an absolute mess. I'm talking not seeing the floors, dirty nappies everywhere, about 6 bags of dirty washing, dirty plates stacked in the kitchen. It's really bad.



She has been given in trouble for the state of her house, so asked if we would help her tidy it. So we started in the kitchen. Mouldy plates and what not. We absolutely gutted the kitchen and utility room until it was sparkling. Got some washing done and it was great. Her partner was playing with a live BB gun rifle. He was showing the kids it. Obviously I was thinking it was a toy. Well one of the kids got hold of a smaller pistol and the partner started shouting and chasing the little one. Apparently they had grabbed one that could fire or something (I have no idea about guns). But common sense would dictate you dont play with guns (bb or not) with young children in the house.



This might sound irrelevant but please remember this. The little one started crying and rubbing her eyes. Time for a nap... well dad went to put her for a nap, mum was adamant this wasnt happening. Apparently her 20 month old doesn't get to nap because she must go to bed at 6.30pm. Very suspicious but we will get to that bit.



The next room we wanted to do was her daughters room. Obviously this being priority because no girl should have a room they cant use.



Well my friend was pretty insistent on doing the living room but we did our own thing. The girls room was a disaster. Bags and bags of clothes that dont fit, there was cat mess under some bags, lots of mums stuff in the room. None of the wee ones toys it was just like another cupboard. We tidied it all up and had it looking amazing. I'm so glad we did it, the little girl was mesmerised and kept walking in circles with a smile. Shes still in a cot, because they dont have a stair gate to keep her in her room (flight of stairs are right outside her bedroom).



We went on to the bathroom. Used sanitary towels in the sink (reusable ones) blood everywhere and it was quite dirty the toilet etc. So again we cleaned this and went on to the bedroom.



I'll not bore you with a description of the bedroom as this poses no hazard to the toddler but it was pretty bad.



Now it hits 6.30pm. Little one was absolutely not for sleeping. Quite awake and upset. Mum starts making noises about us leaving because little one is upset. We said we would just finish the room we were in and leave.



So we left with only the living room to tidy. We were going to go back tomorrow. My own daughter seemed very hungry which was odd because she had tea with my friends daughter. Turns out they were given a couple of Turkey dinosaurs for tea.



This got me thinking. I haven't seen her daughter get a home cooked meal. Lots of chip shop take aways, oven food and microchips. We made her homemade spaghetti and she didnt even look at it.



We didnt have room in the car for our pram so asked if we could pop back in 5 minutes to pick it up. She said she would leave it outside so we didnt come back in??



Anyway, we get a message that night. It's the boyfriend. He had gone through my friends phone and she had been messaging men online asking for them to come to the house whilst her daughter slept and her partner was at work to have sex. She wanted her daughter in bed at 6.30 so she could have men over. She had us tidy her house for her...not for her little girl but because she didnt want these men to know she lived like an animal.



Now I dont want to do anything until I'm sure I'm not just a bit annoyed. But her daughter doesn't seem to be her priority. The house is both dirty and chaotic. Guns in kids reach, just an absolute disaster. Do I tell someone like a social worker? I'm really stressed because this friend was a very close friend. I know she must love her child but its really worrying that she seems to be more concerned for herself and the little one doesn't come first.



I dont think the little girl is on immediate danger but it's like the house is an accident waiting ro happen and I feel my friend is not willing to keep up with housework and looking after her daughter. I think because I have a daughter a similar age I'm horrified at the way shes living with hers and I dont want her daughter to be unhappy.