According to the Daily Beast, expressing a racial preference on your dating profile is racist. They’re buffoons, obviously, but this latest provocation got me thinking: am I racist for not dating white dudes?

I don’t use Grindr, the gay hook-up app, because if I want to shag a stranger in a pay toilet all I need to do is walk down the road. But I did once, and I stated my preference: no whites. If I returned to the app one day I might even tell the real truth and put “blacks only.” Does that, according to the Daily Beast, make me a racist too? Or is it, as so many progressives these days argue, impossible to be racist toward white people?

These days, I wouldn’t actually write “no whites” on my profile. Some people would find that offensive. But I would come up with a formulation to achieve the same effect, like, say, “9 inches and over, and don’t contact me if you can name more than four hockey players.”

Social justice warriors sure do tie themselves into knots over all this stuff. I’ve noticed, for instance, that white gay men have started to get criticised because apparently they have “unhelpful” attitudes toward women sometimes. How ridiculous. Where would you bitches be without our caustic fashion advice, hmm?

I guess it makes sense. After all, gay men are natural cultural libertarians, but Joan Rivers and drag queen culture with its no-holds-barred taboo-free fingers-up-at-the-world attitude is like kryptonite to SJWs. So gays are natural allies against finger-wagging authoritarians.

Sensing this, the authoritarians have launched a pre-emptive strike. That’s why you’re seeing schoolmarmish white women penning cross editorials about the sexual habits of gay men. You see, gay men fall into many categories the authoritarian left despise: we’re handsome, highly sexed, smarter, inclined to politically incorrect speech, unwilling to conform, and we have more money than you. Sorry, no offence, but it’s true.

Somehow, in the pyramid of privilege, where we find the most uniquely and advantageously disenfranchised at the top, white gay men have ended up bottoms. Alas, that’s a position only some of us actually want.

Maybe the feminists and left-wing crazies have got a point. Perhaps I’m such a misogynist that the thought of complimenting a woman or buying her dinner was too much for me to bear and I turned homosexual instead. But I doubt it.

All I can say is, thank God there’s someone around to police gay sexuality. For a minute there, I thought we were headed for tolerance!

The fact is, lots of men have sexual preferences. It’s a pretty basic, primal thing that none of us has much control over. Men are more likely to express their preferences, so when you get a lot men together in a digital meat market these things are going to be stated very plainly.

So you see a high degree of candour on Grindr, which can upset delicate wallflowers. Most men simply appreciate it as an efficient way to save time. Why approach someone who doesn’t want you, if you can be spared the rejection by an upfront disclaimer?

Something progressive journalists like to whinge on about is whether it’s racist to only date within your own race, regardless of your sexuality. Obviously, the answer is no and they are blithering idiots. I note, by the way, that in all your frothing and fury, you never bother to call out BlackPeopleMeet.com (I recommend it) for the hideous crime of providing black-only dating services. I wonder why?

What the hand-wringers miss is that many people, especially men, have a preference for other races. Like I do. And we’re not afraid to express that preference. In the heterosexual world, for instance, black women don’t get a lot of action. But none of these preferences are new or recent and they shouldn’t be a surprise. When we say gentlemen prefer blondes, we’re not talking about sub-saharan Africa, are we?

Black gay men, on the other hand, are lusted after ceaselessly. In fact, no matter what you look like, what your race is or how old you are, if you’re in a big city you can fire up Grindr and be having sex within an hour if you want it. To puritanical, sex-starved feminist harpies, that must be absolutely bloody terrifying.

Well, I’m sorry Linda Thump, or whatever your name is, but you don’t get to police my sex life. It’s off-limits to you. I realise that your standard argumentative strategy of “waaaaah, misogyny, harassment” is frustratingly ineffective against charming, witty, handsome, and popular gay men like me, but you’re just going to have to get used it, sweetheart.

You don’t get to tell me who my housekeeper walks in on at 8am, nor who gets to leave stubborn stains on my 1,000 thread count Ralph Lauren bedlinen.

You can’t fight facts. Some people have preferences. Black guys love white girls. White guys like Asian chicks. And a lot of subcontinent Asians only go for each other. It’s just how the world is.

I mean, I don’t know, perhaps I’m just a screaming racist and I should go out and fill my diversity quota with white guys. Time to balance the books. Would the real Slim Shady please get on his knees?

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