(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

If you’re playing the dating game right now, you’re probably putting up with a whole load of bullsh*t.

There’s benching, breadcrumbing, stashing, or just general f***boi-ing free of any trendy label.

You’re a smart cookie and you know you deserve to have someone who actually understands and appreciate how great you are, but you put up with all the nonsense because, well, who else is out there?

There’s only one way to avoid this, and it’s not raising your standards or paying for Tinder Select.


The answer is learning to be happy alone.



It’s only once you know that you really, really don’t need another person that you’ll stop happily going along with the nonsense you get put through by people who really aren’t worth your time.

Don’t panic, I’m not suggesting that you must now commit to being single and celibate forever. I am suggesting, though, that you should stop being so horrified by that idea.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

If we want true happiness and fulfillment, we all need to equip ourselves with the skill of being happy without needing another person.

It’s only once you understand that a significant other isn’t a requirement for joy that you’ll be able to truly have that breezy approach to dating you dream of – because it won’t matter when things don’t work out or someone’s a bit rubbish, because you won’t be miserable on your own.

And yes, that is a skill that’s built through practice.

Here’s how to hone it.

Work out what you enjoy doing. Work out things that make you happy.

Are they things that you feel require the presence of another person? Do you want someone to date so you can go to fancy dinners, have cute date nights, go to Winter Wonderland, go to Paris?

Make a list. Seriously, make a list of all the things you want to do with a partner.

Then bloody well go through them all and do them alone.

(Picture: Daniella Birtley)

Yes, going for dinner alone will feel weird at first, but then you’ll go again, and again, and your chocolate souffle will taste just as sweet as it would with someone else. You’ll notice how nice it is to focus on your food and read a book, or get lost in your own thoughts, instead of having to keep up a conversation.

Travel alone. Go to the cinema alone. Be your own damn significant other and treat yourself, romance yourself, do all the cute couple-y stuff on your own, because the rule against doing these things alone are entirely in your head.

Oh, and masturbate. You don’t need a partner to have great orgasms.

Keep doing stuff alone until it feels normal. If doing something doesn’t make you feel happy, do something else.

Eventually your time will be so filled with hanging out with yourself that you’ll realise it’s really not worth it to put up with someone who cancels at the last minute, or tells sexist jokes, or who makes you feel rubbish about yourself – because whatever you’re doing, you can enjoy your time just as much on your own.



You’ll dump ’em without worrying about being alone. You’ll date without the desperation that comes out of fear of being by yourself. And when you actually meet someone lovely, who treats you well, you’ll keep them around not because you need them, but because you want them.

You’ve heard the whole ‘you can’t love someone until you love yourself’ thing. Take it further. Don’t date until you’ve dated yourself. Don’t be with anyone until you can comfortably, happily be with yourself. Get to know who you are and enjoy spending quality time on your own. Learn to value yourself rather than looking for external validation.

And yes, do this even if you’re in a happy relationship, because being comfortable with yourself is an essential life skill and becoming less dependent on your partner will only make your bond stronger.

Once you feel entirely capable of making yourself happy, and putting your happiness entirely in your own hands, your relationships will become loads more stable, your self-worth will strengthen, and you’ll never tolerate a f***boi again – because seriously, what’s the point when you could just go home, make yourself a good meal, and watch TV shows that actually make you laugh out loud?

Say farewell to the shame and horror of being alone. Say goodbye to spending time with people who aren’t making you happy. Stop relying on other people to make you happy and learn that you can do that all by yourself.


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