BELLEVUE, WA—As a result of a coverage extension the wireless provider was calling a “game-changer” for their customers, T-Mobile officials announced Wednesday that their service will now reach up to 70 percent of your apartment. “You spoke up, and we listened. We’re pleased to confirm that T-Mobile will provide even more of the service you love with coverage ranging all the way from the part of your bedroom nearest the door to the first few feet of your bathroom,” said spokesperson Cal Oldenberg, emphasizing the company’s commitment to reliable phone calls and text messaging for all customers standing close to their south-facing windows. “We can also promise unmatched clarity in the service you manage to get while standing on your desk. All for a fraction of the cost of AT&T.” Oldenberg would neither confirm nor deny that the wireless provider is upgrading its infrastructure in order to provide a future good spot near the kitchen sink.

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