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Yesterday we shared this blog with you about some assbag social justice warrior from Newburyport named “Micah,” who called into the Trenni Krusnierek and Jon Tomase show on WEEI to let them know what a racist Turtleboy was. If you haven’t heard the call, listen to the 17:00 mark. It’s priceless:

As you heard there, Micah from Newburyport called in because his cousins have been sharing Turtleboy Sports blogs on Facebook, and it apparently triggered him:

“

It’s really bizarre, I mean, I’ve looked into the stuff. I mean, my cousin is interested in it. And I tried telling him, like, do you realize all of that stuff is racist?

Anyway, we had no idea who this “Micah from Newburyport” was. But shortly after we published the blog his turtle riding cousins reached out to us. His real name is Micah J. Femino, and his cousins have all been blocked on the Facebook machine by the troglodyte they’re forced to share a bloodline with, and couldn’t wait to put him on blast:

Triggered caller is Micah Femino. I’m one of his many cousins that he blocked on fb, I’d send you a link to his account but can’t. He’s a Grade-A asshole, makes multiple daily incessant rants about the world basically ending because Trump won. The last time I saw him was when he showed up to my mother’s wake in 2009 wearing a t-shirt. It should all be open for public viewing. He deletes and blocks anyone who doesn’t agree with him, hence his whopping 80 or so friends. He’s a 34 year old pizza delivery driver who thinks he’s king shit. Have fun outing him.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Of course he showed up to a wake in a t-shirt. Of course he’s a 34 year old pizza delivery driver. And of course he lives in the nearly entirely white community of Newburyport (which is lovely, and one of our favorite towns on the north shore), but still feels that he can lecture other people about racism.

Cousin #1 is right, his Facebook rants are exactly what you imagined they would be. For starter’s, he’s always the smartest person in the room:

His jokes are absolutely hilarious and well thought out:

He wants another country to attack the United States:

Yea, please come bomb us China. A 34 year old pizza delivery boy wants to prove a point.

He’s still in denial about what happened:

A 34 year old man doing a high school kid’s job? No wonder he’s a Bernie supporter. Loved seeing these people share stuff like this. They actually convinced themselves that there was still a chance the electoral college wouldn’t elect him. Hilarious and yet sad.

And for someone who allegedly is progressive, he sure likes to demean women:

Not nice. Turtleboy Sports is a family feminist blog, and we condemn hate speech like this.

This one was too perfect:

If you opened up the Turtleboy dictionary and looked for “white guilt,” you’d see a screenshot of this Facebook post.

Oh, and he reads Jezebel:

Because lots of men read Jezebel.

Here’s what cousin #2 told us:

“I know this guy. He is my cousin and a RAGING dickbag on Facebook. His profile is public, and you should check our a particular post from November 4th “Any Police Officer that Supports Trump should be reassigned to Latrine Duty.” The backstory here is some of my other cousins work in law enforcement. Like every SJW, he hates cops, so he hates them. He makes posts like this to entice them into arguments, because no one wants to give him the time of day. This time they finally pushed back. He deletes comments that out him for the fool he is, and leaves everything else. He is a fraud by definition, and needs to be outed by Turtleboy. If you keep scrolling around you’ll see some posts like “disarm the police” and his genius solution in the comments, replacing Columbus day with indigenous people day (10.6). he talks about seeing someone in his friends you may know section, who was an old man who kicked his ass outside a Byfield bar in 2008. I know it’s so much to scroll through, but the best stuff is from September 16 – present. He also got married in someones backyard, and refused to shave his neckbeard while wearing his finest Kohls outfit.”

He’s not even kidding – these are Micah Femino’s wedding pictures:

Because why would you wanna do something fancy like shave or tuck your shirt in on your wedding day? This is the type of slovenly marsupial who doesn’t like Turtleboy Sports. This is how you know that we’re saying the right things. Because the best way to judge a man is by his enemies.

Let’s check out that post about cops supporting Trump. The best part is his final comment on the bottom:

“I deliver pizza.”

Don’t sell yourself short Micah. You’re much more than that. The service you’re providing to the public by posting 50 times a day on Facebook and calling into WEEI to complain about blogs you don’t like, is more valuable than you realize. But we’re still not tipping you.

Don’t worry though, Micah’s got it all figured out:

Brilliant. We’ve been looking for a solution to the racial animosity in this country that’s been created through false narratives from black lives matter terrorists. Turns out all we had to do was just take guns away from the police. That way only the bad guys will have guns. What could possibly go wrong? Here we all are trying to figure out how to resolve this delicate situation, and this 34 year old pizza delivery boy from Newburyport had the answers the whole time:

We live for shit like this on Turtleboy Sports. There’s nothing better than putting one of these assbags in their place. They’re always exactly how you imagined them too. If you call us racist then we are going to publicly humiliate you. Because you might think it’s not a big deal, but it is. Racism isn’t some fucking toy you can use to play King of Tumblr. Every time you loosely toss that word around you minimize the victims of actual racism and oppression.

The bottom line is that Micah Femino called up Trenni and Tomase on Saturday because he wanted to feel better about himself by calling other people racist. That was not a smart thing to do. He thought he was gonna get in a couple quick punches and we’d never hear it or find out who he was. He was wrong. And now he knows what many in the Turtleboy Sports graveyard already know – Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle.

Look on the bright side Micah – even though this will soon start coming up on search engines when people look for your name, it will never really matter for you since you’re gonna be delivering pizzas for the rest of your life.

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