I don’t want to alarm anyone. But it has come to my attention (this is true, you can google it), that the chemical they use on most store receipts causes cancer.

So, the next time you’re buying a Big Gulp, for example, and the bored looking clerk across the counter asks you if you want a receipt, according to this new research, the appropriate response is, “Do you want testicular cancer?”

Here is a VERY REAL excerpt from a WebMD article:

Bisphenol A or BPA, a common chemical found in plastics and other consumer products that’s been linked to reproductive harm and other ills, can also be transferred to the skin from cash register receipts and dollar bills ….

“BPA is a developer used in the thermal paper,” says Erika Schreder… It’s found in the receipts used by probably 95% of stores, she tells WebMD.

The writer of this WebMD article reached out to get the other side of the story, and included this response:

“…[A] spokesperson for the Polycarbonate/BPA Global Group says there is no reason to worry.”

This gives me EVERY reason to worry.

So, the other day I’m at a Dollar Tree buying pens. (Note: I do not know whether 7-11 or Dollar Tree stores are included in the 95% of stores that use BPA on there receipts… but … do the math). So I take my pens to the checkout stand, and this is where I was faced with a life-altering dilemma. The pens were for my business. They were TAX DEDUCTABLE. But I would have to take the cancer-causing receipt to claim it on my tax return. Yeah, I read the stupid article about the cancer-causing receipts and how they said to tell the store clerk to put it in the bag so that only the store clerk would get ravaged by cancer. But even so, it’s not like I’ve got a bio-hazard suit hanging in my closet at home. Let’s face it, at some point, I would have to handle the cancer receipt.

And so, I took it. I took the cancer-causing receipt. My life-long inherent cheapskateness took precedence over dying a long, miserable death from cancer. I’ve got to own that. It’s in my DNA. I come from a long line of cheapskates.

So, let’s review:

BBQing your steaks causes cancer.

The sun causes cancer.

Processed meat causes cancer.

Alcohol causes cancer.

So, in short, over the past few decades, scientist have established one thing conclusively: Living your life causes cancer.

It’s Chernobyl out there!

I would simply go wrap myself from head to toe in polyurethane to protect me from all these dangers. But guess what?

Polyurethane causes cancer!

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Also-

Check out these great books:

The Lawyer’s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness –

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Seven Rules for the College Playground –

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