Normal, Old-Fashioned Heterosexuality In Western Art History

Heterosexuality In Action

explain it again

I told you

it’s perfectly simple

a man and a woman

one of each

they get together and they push their genitals together

that’s ridiculous

what earthly reason could anyone have for doing that

listen I didn’t invent it I’m just telling you what it is

well it sounds like something you made up

another one of your wild jokes

you’re not going to fool me that easily again, Charles

what on earth would I want with your genitals

or you with mine

you stay on your side of this bench with all your mad talk of hedgerows

not hedgerows

hetero-se–

“Hebrides legality”

nonsense

what had been his name again

they all seemed so indistinguishable once they were black specks wriggling against the vast expanse of the sea

Henry, or something

my God

what if he comes back

Courage, Marlena

soon we we will both be dead

touch each other with your hands

noooo

do it!

it’s normal!

ennnnf

TOUCH HIS HAND WITH YOUR HAND

NEVER

what are you doing

i’m holding your hand

what on earth for

come with me

everything’s going to be heterosexual from now on

UUUUGHHH

listen

i don’t like this any more than you do

no one does

but we all have to have a good attitude about it

…and then what?

well

we’d live together

as man and wife

for the rest of our lives?

that’s the general idea

my god

and you’re telling me people do this?

human people?

people we know?

many of them do

how awful

i look better in the gold brocade than she does and she knows it

she only wears it out of spite

just keep a hold of him until he refills the glass

then you can run

you can either let go or sink down to my level but there’s no option where I get up for you

oh, sweet pea

this is embarrassing for all of us

well

all of you

so now is when I stab him?

NO

when do I stab him them

never

there’s no part

of heterosexuality

where you stab them

but it seems like the perfect moment

his neck is just there and exposed

I know but just because you can stab him doesn’t mean you should

well that doesn’t make any sense

I know

heterosexuality doesn’t seem like much fun

I’m sorry

can’t I stab anyone?

why do you think that stabbing is a part of this?

this is no fun

[Images via here and here]