First off apologies for not getting this up sooner. Between work, the holidays and this lovely cold that doesn't want to let go, I've had a wonderful last couple of weeks.

However, I didn't want my secret santa to go unrecognized.

Let me start by saying I drink like a Mormon. There are a few days a year that I'll consider having a shot or a beer, but it's maybe every other month.

So imagine my surprise when I hit the motherlode.

When I saw the tracking data, I joked that the weight of it meant I was getting 4 iPads. When I picked up the box and felt the sloshing around, I immediately knew I was wrong, but had no idea the adventure I was in for.

When I opened the box, I could see the 4loco, the Bohemian beer and the bacon flavored hot sauce along with shot glasses. On their own, they would have been a fine gift, even for a lightweight such as myself. Oh but the journey was just beginning.

That clear bottle? A fine whiskey. The random red plastic? Firecrackers.

Following my advice, my secret santa passed along bits and pieces from where he was: I've got menus up the wazoo for places 3,000 miles away that I can put on my list of places to visit in the future. Also there was a great collegiate paper waiting for me. Since it was dated in September, my SS clearly saw me coming from three months away.

And my girlfriend says thank you for the female condom.

The greatest thing about my gift from my SS is the fact it's actually not a Christmas present. It's a New Year's spectacular waiting to happen.

Most important of all, I'd like to pass along a sincere thank you to my SS for taking the time to put together such a wonderful gift. I sent a gift to someone for Arbitrary Day, but got shafted coming back the other way. While I'm bigger on the giving than the receiving, it's the principle that counts.

Now I have to wrap this up because I can barely see my screen through my watery eyes. Sadly it's not some amazing sentimental ending. My sinuses are just giving me hell at the moment.

Here's a photo gallery: http://imgur.com/DuUf6