Time to mock one of England's commonwealths, this one's across the Pacific pond. Australian universities are banning sarcasm. You gotta hear this:

Words mean things. That's it, though. They're just words. Which mean things. Not to be confused with mean words about things you don't like. Words are our written and verbal methods of communicating ideas, intentions, and where we want to eat tonight.

The above gif is not a form of violence.

Words are spoken or written. Words are not hurled through space, cleaving someone's skull like a tomahawk. Words are as much a form of violence as they are a form of pumpkin pie. In fact, there used to be a childhood saying which went a little something like this: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." Hurt, in this case, in the physical sense because what is spoken and written cannot physically harm someone because words are not acts they're just words.

Now perhaps these young students are confused by metaphors. Like if I were to say "Steven Crowder's latest Change My Mind episode is a punch in the face." Here, "punch in the face" is an expression meant to convey the intellectual impact of the episode. Not because the video grew fists over night like Cyborg in Justice League (although we never got to see him grow anything because the script was butchered by morons ["butchered" here is referring to the act of cutting the script in a callous, sloppy manner, not to imply studio lackeys are literal murderers]), swinging punches at YouTube commenters.

So no, sarcasm is not a form of violence. Forms of violence are forms of violence, including but not limited to: striking, kicking, stabbing, shooting, acid spraying, spittle-misting, aggressive clucking, elbow-to-facing, dirty-look-giving especially to slow drivers hogging the fast lane, left-swiping on Tinder, that look your mom gives when she's perturbed with your life choices, when your dog doesn't quite pinch the loaf in the yard but drops a surprise on your carpet, and Hillary Clinton's wardrobe choices.

I may have employed some sarcasm there. Arrest me for assault.

Thanks to a little foresight courtesy of now dead white men, America has the First Amendment. Where sarcasm is a protected right. Suck it, leftist Aussies.

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