The brutality of a so-called ‘Sophie’s Choice’ lies in its complete lack of sophistication. Whilst it is rudimentary, both in methodology and result, this does not diminish the function of why it exists — despair. If we had a true choice we would venture down neither road, but, choose we must, and in doing so, our humiliating lack of agency is laid bare for all to see.

If all roads lead to Rome, then Rome, even for all the beauty of The Pantheon, can only ever be a dead end.

Mr Yarvin, if you will…

Just as pornography can stimulate the human sex drive without providing any actual sex, democracy can stimulate the human power drive without providing any actual power.

And democracy, when wielded by the anointed class, becomes little more than a cudgel. And what can a cudgel do? Only one thing: smash yer head in.

But let’s be honest: cudgels are dumb. Any idiot can grab a rock and dash you out of existence. The trick with a functioning democracy is to make a knife, so sharp, that no one notices it going in. And, even if you do, you still have nowhere to turn.

So how does this relate to fox-hunting?

In a move that should arouse the suspicions of everyone paying attention, Theresa May announced the Tories would support a public poll with the possibility of reintroducing fox-hunting; or, more to the point, to re-legalise horseback fox-hunts that already take place in contravention of the law. With an election around the corner and an economy not-quite-in-the-shitter-but-only-one-small-brexit-away you have to wonder why focus on such a divisive issue?

A YouGov poll taken in 2015 shows that the general pubic, both left and right alike, have almost no tolerance for fox-hunting. True, it’s down from the last time a poll was taken on the matter: from 91% in 2004 to 84% in 2015. But let’s acknowledge that there is no hair to be split here — 84% in favour of the ban is a figure, so conclusive, that to call it a ‘landslide’ underplays it’s significance.

In Darren Aronofsky’s biblical epic, Noah, there is a scene where our beleaguered protagonist, wracked with psychic visions of blood and death, dreams he is witness to a baying mob of people. Exhausted and possessed by an animal-like blood lust, the angry throng, writhing like maggots, throw a wild animal into the crowd, and, pushed to the limits of their sanity, they take hold of it’s legs and promptly rip it to pieces. It’s as visceral and disturbing as something from Goya’s Black Paintings.

However, as disturbing as it is, someone should probably tell Noah these visions of the coming apocalypse aren’t only to be found in religious epiphany — visit Berkshire on a Sunday afternoon and it’ll give you all the visions of red-coated visions of human cruelty you’ll ever need. Hell, they’ll even treat you to a pint and a roast dinner after you’re done with the fox.

Let me be crystal: Fox-hunting is horrific.

To watch a fox escape a hunt, only for it to be dug, screaming, out of it’s hole is to watch a torture scene unfold in front of your eyes. It’s an antiquated tradition of blood and suffering, perpetuated by chimp-brained arseholes on horseback, who have no right to regard themselves as the torch-bearers for a Conservative vision of society. The word ‘civilisation’ has no meaning when they say it.

However, the fact eighty-four percent of people agree with me on this makes me feel good about our chances as a species.

Which raises the point — what the hell is Theresa May doing?

Politicians are, for the most part, careerists, which means they won’t even open their mouth without concrete knowledge of which way the wind is blowing. In turn, to table a subject like fox-hunting is to take a political risk, so great, that only an endorsement of NAMBLA could top it. No political gains can possibly be can be made, especially so close to the election, and whenever it comes to mind alarm bells start to go off somewhere in the back of my head.

Some journalists have written small opinion pieces that express more-or-less my sentiments on hunting (that it’s morally wrong, duh!) but ultimately they’re all driving straight to the heart of the periphery. Politics might feel like a viruous war against the dying of the light, but drive down that ideological road at your peril — you’ll be so preoccupied with childish notions of good & evil that you won’t notice the moment they palm a card off the bottom of the deck and use it to rob you blind. A moral victory without a practical victory is no victory at all, and the left might remember this.

For clarity: Fox-hunting, as a political, cultural and social issue is as dead as dead as dead. To bring it up makes next to no sense, and any time something doesn’t make sense you can be sure of one thing — strategy is at play.

The Tories probably have sleepless nights when they contemplate the power of a truly united Labour party. It was twenty years ago when Tony Blair swept to power, crushing the Conservatives in three consecutive elections, and, believe me, they will never forgive and they will never forget. At their full-strength, not even the thunderous oratory of William Hague could dislodge them from prominence or power. They were, as Victor Hugo put it, an idea whose time had come. An irresistible thing and an immovable object, marching in time to the beat of a singular vision.

However, 1997 was a long time ago and Labour have since become a limping, disorganised, clown-car of a party. The Labour moderates might be campaigning right now but they’re weighed heavy by the fact that, come June the 8th, they will lose. And they will lose big. The conclusion of such a loss will be a schism in the party and probably a formation of a new centre-left, socially democratic party that, given the right leadership, may very well make a dent the same way New Labour made back in ’97.

Corbyn, Abbott and McDonnell will quickly die on the vine, and Labour will die too, hopefully taking any Momentum candidates with them into the memory hole; their ilk having been replaced by something new, fresh and relevant. The far-left may very well be no more in modern politics. People will talk about them the same way we talk about Gramophones: a curio and nothing more.

This is exactly what the Tories don’t want to happen. The far-left is the only thing that stops Labour being taken seriously for all time. Without the presence of the “better red than dead’ Citizen Smith types, Labour becomes a completely modern ideology that reflects the concerns of both working people and the Metropolitan left. Complete unity.

So there is only one answer: Corbyn must remain the mad Captain lashed to the helm of a slowly dying Labour party. Corbyn leaving would allow the moderates to regain the name of a trusted brand, and begin their relatively quick journey back to full-force, and this would be disaster for the Tories who are currently enjoying the sensation of their hand being almost glued to the throttle of a one-party government. Oligarchy never felt so good. Not since 1996 anyway.

So, again, what does this have to do with fox-hunting?

Here’s my conclusion:

For a long, unchallenged, Conservative rule, Labour must lose. But only by a debatable amount. It can’t be a landslide. The best way to do this is to raise an issue, so divisive, that even those who have vowed to vote Conservative have to take stock of their principles and, in doing so, may switch their vote to Labour. Moral issues cause more confusion than economic concerns. So something like fox-hunting would do the trick. As a result, moderate centrist voters will switch their vote, giving Labour a now less-than-a-landslide defeat. The issue will also unite the Labour party by default: who wants to be the candidate to admit that they care less about fox-hunting and more about distancing themselves from Corbyn & Co.? Labour will still lose, but Corbyn will say no decisive opinion can be drawn from his loss — after all, it wasn’t a landslide. Secondly, he will have a mandate to remain leader as he brought a fractured party back together, all the while ignoring the fact that he was the initial reason for the fracture. Old rule of politics: identify a problem, market yourself as the solution, problem exacerbates, double down on yourself as the solution, rinse/repeat. Conclusion: Conservatives reign supreme with no resistance from Labour party that remains disjointed just under the surface. Even if the moderates were to split, it will still take them the best part of two elections to position themselves for a shot at a centre-left win. And, even if the stars were to align in a way that is conducive to a New Left, you would still have the obstinate cries of “Blairite!” to make your way past.

Democracy it seems, when engineered properly, is a very subtle knife. It’s a ‘Sophie’s Choice,’ made so sharp, you don’t even know it’s there. You don’t die in agony; your face a rictus of fear and pain. You just close your eyes and slowly go to sleep.

The electorate faces a choice between a party that endorses fox hunting (the Conservatives win) or a party they don’t believe in but will surely be destroyed by it’s incompetent leader (also, the Conservatives win.) Both roads lead to actual, and de facto, Labour defeat. Both roads lead to Rome.

And we know how I feel about Rome.

Alistair x