There are times when our anger is birthed by way of embarrassing reasoning. We sometimes find ourselves being angry over things we would look bad publicizing. Feelings of envy, inadequacy, and personal quirks / issues don’t do well at getting a broader audience on your side of an argument. When someone makes us mad for a reason which we are embarrassed to publicize, we often look for other, less warranted and less embarrassing reasons to back our anger with.

A teenager you accidentally discover masturbating in their room may use feelings of embarrassment from that night to fuel their overreaction to a minor disagreement the next day. Though they wouldn’t tell you that their feeling of embarrassment would be driving their disdain for you at that particular moment in time, you can safely guess that last night’s events may have something to do with today’s quarrels. This simple example does well to illustrate the concept at hand. Dealing with unwarranted anger often leads to discovering warranted, but unmentioned, reasoning for the existence of that anger. This article hopes to provide insight on how best to deal with those who mask their warranted anger with unwarranted reasons.

The specific paths you take in dealing with seemingly unwarranted anger from individuals can be summed into two general directions. If the person is an enemy of any sort, then your goal could be more aligned with not only calming the situation, but also winning it. If the person is someone who you have pleasant relations with, your task would be to preserve a good willed relationship between the two of you.

With People Who You Respect and Want to Keep Pleasant Relationships With

Most people you interact with will be rational individuals to varying degrees. If someone has a proven track record of being a rational individual, then assuming their anger to be driven by irrational reasoning is not an accurate approach to dissolving it. Be sensitive to the unmentioned reasons that someone has for being angry with you. Much like in arguments between two people in a relationship, the little things add up. The breaking point during a spill of anger from another may not be enough to warrant the intensity of the emotion by itself. However, to mitigate such situations, one should remember that the flow of anger is commonly caused by a pool of it which has been collecting for quite some time.

For people with whom you have a desire to keep pleasant relations with, the single best thing to do in order to calm the situation, is to exude a sense of understanding in the face of undeserved anger. You won’t be understanding the publicized reasons for their anger, but rather, you’d be understanding the pool of unmentioned reasons they’ve collected prior to their outburst. With someone who you’ve good relations with, letting go of a logical desire to prove why their instance of anger is undeserved is less effective than remembering the historic instances which their current anger may be backed by. Though mentioning what you think the true, sensitive, reasons are for their anger may be enticing, it’ll make them feel seen-through and undressed.

The line between being a pushover and being sensitive to the ulterior reasons behind someone’s anger is thin. The difference between the two can be illustrated by the difference between agreement and understanding. You don’t have to agree with someone’s unwarranted reasons for being angry with you, but you should be understanding. Exclaim that you understand why they’re angry at that particular moment in time, keeping in mind all the things that piled up prior to their current outburst. Make hints at being sensitive to how your prior actions may have contributed to the current outburst you’re witnessing. Communicate, in an indirect manner, that you understand the current situation to be driven by unmentioned forces.

With People Who Seek to Bring You Pain, and Are Utilizing Unwarranted Reasons for Doing So

Contrary to the implicit understanding of ulterior reasons that you should show in the face of a loved one’s unwarranted anger, you should be unapologetically explicit with malicious people. The feeling of being undressed mentioned above, is the feeling you should master weaponizing against those who attempt to turn others against you whilst hiding their own ulterior motives. If the anger of those who seek to bring you pain is backed by unwarranted notions, then it’s safe to assume there to be ulterior reasons at play. Recognize those ulterior reasons and publicize them. Connect the dots for those following along. Exclaim how much of a role unmentioned / unpublicized feelings and reasons have in the current situation.

The method of publicizing the more embarrassing ulterior motives for someone’s attempts to get you in trouble does two things. If you guess the ulterior reasons correctly, it puts those who’ve attempted to tarnish your reputation with unwarranted claims on their heels. They will almost always deny the existence of the ulterior reasons for their anger that you mention. However, if those ulterior reasons make sense to the neutral minds following along, then they’ll be powerful in dismissing the attempts of malicious individuals to get you in trouble. An enemy’s denial of exposed reasons which make more sense than their publicized ones, will entice an audience to take your side of the argument.

It’s important that you do not operate with ulterior reasons of your own when attempting to discredit malicious anger. Simply be an observer and educator of the ulterior motives at play surrounding the actions of the angered. Exclaim the exact, yet unspoken, reasons you think someone’s angry with you in order to undress and expose them to the world. This method works best when you’re sure you have your ducks in order, and that the presence of ulterior reasons for others’ anger is undeniable.

Read our analyses of current events by becoming a Patron.