WASHINGTON—Explaining that they almost had the online communication application fully figured out, the nation reportedly announced Monday that they were close to getting their videoconferencing software to work. “Hello, hello, okay, I can see you now, but I can’t hear you—is there something else I need to do?” said 327 million Americans in unison while trying to figure out how to unmute themselves as they combed through their computer’s system preferences trying to locate their audio settings, unsure if they needed to disconnect their bluetooth headphones or download a new plug-in. “Wait, I clicked on the icon on the bottom left, but now all of you are frozen. Sorry, now I don’t see anyone, but I hear a dog barking. Is that right? Do I need to click something else? Actually, I’m just gonna try restarting my computer and hopefully that will fix it. Make sure to re-invite me after I leave, though.” After successfully connecting to the call, the U.S. populace immediately pivoted toward asking how they could change their backgrounds so it looked like they were on a beach.

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