“I like not having people above me,” Mr. Nolan said. “You don’t have any risk of heavy feet. This is coming from years of experience in Atlanta.” Their neighbors in Hoboken were mostly former New Yorkers.

Over time, the couple dreamed of having more. They craved a second bedroom to use as a home office, and a guest room for friends and relatives visiting from out of town, which is “hard to do in a civilized way when they are sleeping on the couch and all of their bags are on the living room floor,” Mr. Nolan said. To get a second bedroom, they were willing to spend around $3,800 a month.

If they couldn’t find a suitable two-bedroom, then they wanted “an upgraded experience — the condo-grade appliances, fixtures and touches,” Mr. Nolan said. In that case, they hoped to pay less, around $3,200.

“We were convinced we could find it through our willingness to hunt for it,” Mr. Nolan said. “We threw a lot into it.”

Image The Ellipse tower in Jersey City was impressive, but the surrounding area was sterile and too "business park-like." Credit... Robert Wright for The New York Times

They had always liked the charm of the Upper West Side, so they began visiting open houses there, although it would have meant obtaining that exemption for Mr. Fare — not to mention a tough commute to work, involving a ferry ride and a drive. A return to Manhattan would also mean living in a walk-up with small closets, window air-conditioners and no washer-dryer. “I pictured myself schlepping laundry down the street,” Mr. Fare said.

“I loved the idea of the Upper West Side, but the reality was not feasible for our situation,” Mr. Nolan said. “Scratching that itch allowed us to go back to New Jersey with an open heart and an open mind. The grass isn’t always greener.”