Trump Agrees To An Impeachment Hearing If He Gets A Cut Of The T-Shirt Sales

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Donald Trump had a reportedly contentious meeting with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer about the ongoing investigations into the president. At issue was Trump’s demand for a large chunk of the t-shirt sales when they have an inevitable impeachment hearing.

“But that’s the sweetest plum!” Pelosi objected, according to those in the room. Pelosi owns a silk screen and was planning to offer numerous t-shirt designs outside the Capitol in celebration of charges formally being brought against the president.

“Hey, we’re all going to make a lot of fundraising money off this,” Trump responded, but he reminded the two that he would be the star of the impeachment hearing and that it would be impossible without him, which meant he deserved a cut of all merchandising. Trump went so far as to threaten to delete his Twitter account and play golf all day if his demands weren’t met. “Do you want an impeachment of a quiet president during a great economy?” Trump asked them. “Or do you want an impeachment of loud, obnoxious Trump?”

Pelosi and Schumer seemed to think the president was bluffing but were not sure. The cut of the t-shirt sales would be a shrewd deal for the president and would be expected to increase his net worth from a billion dollars to a billion dollars plus $750.



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