Charlottesville, VA—

Objectively, the Charlottesville Nazi protest yesterday got out of hand with unnecessary and Hitler-esque Nazi visuals, so, in an effort to placate their white supremacist aggressions, every Nazi protester has been offered a terrible and back-breaking agricultural job in California that a deported Mexican has left behind.

California Governor Jerry Brown announced the initiative, nicknamed “Got Your Jobs Back,” and offered each and every Nazi protester one of the awful jobs. The California legislature quickly authored a bill and passed it into law with overwhelming support.

“Those white supremacists made it crystal clear over the last election that they feel that their jobs have been taken away by illegal immigrants, so I am here to announce that California is giving them those jobs back,” said Brown in a press conference announcing the jobs initiative. “These jobs are terrible, but, hey, it’s all these Nazi wannabes have been talking about. To work the jobs, they’ll have to wake up at dawn every morning and work until sunset bending their back all day picking crops such as avocados, grapes, almonds, apricots, oranges, strawberries, etc. For their work, they’ll get paid in cash, but it’s a little less than the minimum wage because it’s kind of a sketchy industry, and of course there is no chance whatsoever for benefits, raises, or even extra water breaks. Like I said, these jobs are truly terrible, but these are the jobs that illegal immigrant Mexicans have been taking from these brave, white supremacist assholes. So California is telling every one of them to put down the video game controllers and come to California to get those shitty jobs they’ve been complaining about all this time!”

Registration for the jobs, as well as state-sponsored assistance programs to offer tips and advice for moving across the country and resettling in California, can be signed up for on the California government website.

(Picture courtesy of Vince Wingate.)

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