“For the longest time I felt invincible in a canoe. I never thought this would happen”, Isaac proclaimed as we dragged our soaked, shivering, banged up bodies from the river bank. The rapids roared behind us as we searched the churning water for his overturned canoe and whatever gear wasn’t strapped down. The canoe slammed upside down through the remainder of the rapids under North Avenue dam, and finally slowed to a crawl somewhere near Humboldt, disappearing behind Milwaukee’s urban sprawl.

“My car keys are in the dry bag strapped to the inside of the canoe”, Isaac said, sounding more than panicked.

“I guess I’ll find out how well the dry box works when I get to my phone”, I responded, trying unsuccessfully to mask my feeling of helplessness as our reality sank in.

Neither of us felt the cold when the canoe swamped and sank in the middle of the rapids. It’s early spring, water temps in the 30’s and air temps in the 40’s, with recent rains making a swollen Milwaukee River. Isaac was in front, so he didn’t have a vantage point to witness the impending doom happening behind him. All he could see was the bow plowing through 4′ standing waves. Each one swamped the canoe with more and more water while Isaac screamed “oh yeah!” as his bow bottomed out after each crest. After the first wave, I knew we were in trouble. After the second, I told him we were going down. By the third or fourth, we were swimming hard for the right bank. It’s a weird feeling to be swimming in boots and layers designed for 40 degree temps in 30-something degree rushing water. Your boots feel like sponges made of bricks. Your clothes and jacket feel like you’re wearing a parachute in a wind storm. Our instincts kicked in and our hearts were pounding as we pushed towards the bank…

As we climbed out, our realization that we were going to have to go back in for the boat settled in very quickly. We each picked a side, hoping the canoe would eddy out after the rapids. Of course, it seemed to settle right in the middle of the river. We both removed our wet clothes, and from opposite banks, made the plunge.

I’m not sure how many people witnessed this madness. We were basically downtown Milwaukee, and having our most epic adventure to date. Retrieving the canoe like this was going to be impossible. Neither of us realized how cold the water was when we abandoned ship in the rapids… Our adrenaline protected us from the cold shock, but the second plunge took our breathe away. I couldn’t help but think of my father’s demise as I swam towards the canoe, which Isaac reached first.

“Just go back, dude, there’s no way we can get it like this”, he yelled. I gladly accepted.

He got out on my side of the river which was much closer, which unfortunately meant the rest of his clothes were on the other side. Luckily we were in a city, and bridges are everywhere. I had to climb out through someone’s backyard, taking mental note of the blue kayaks I passed on the way, seriously contemplating a Milwaukee backyard crime in order to get my shit back.

Smartly, Isaac opted for long underwear today, so he didn’t have to cross the bridge pantless during rush hour traffic. In Milwaukee, a soaking wet guy in long underwear and no shoes would hardly get a second look. Boxer shorts might have been a different story.

I got to the street in my life preserver, my clothes spilling water and sewage everywhere as a few concerned, bloodshot eyes gazed at me like the spectacle that I was as I intruded on their smoke break at the bar.

“Are you OK dude?”

“Totally fine! I just dumped my canoe, now I gotta go get it” as I stammered off, shivering.

It was when I made it to the Milwaukee Rowing Club Dock that I first heard the sirens… “Those are for us, I bet” I said out loud to myself through chattering teeth. As the canoe inched closer to where I was standing, I watched this debacle unfold in front of me. Milwaukee’s finest showed up on the opposite side of the river, pointing towards the overturned canoe. I waved my hat and yelled, and they finally saw me.

“Is that your canoe?!?” They yelled.

I cupped my shivering hands and yelled back, “Yes!”

“Was anyone else with you?”

“Yes, but he’s safe on the other side!”

“Nobody else is in the canoe?”

“No sir!”

“OK stay there, we’ll come to you.”

Holy crap. This escalated quickly. Within a few minutes, 12 officers showed up with Isaac and started gathering our story. The mood shifted from emergency mode to joking around once it was clear that we were fine other than being cold and having a few bumps and bruises. They told us that the person who called 911 stated they saw a canoe upside down in the river with “two black things sticking up on the sides”. I’m not sure how I would interpret that call if I was an officer, but suddenly their quick and thorough response made a lot more sense.

The canoe amazingly drifted right up to the dock, and one of the officers gave me a hand lifting it out. To my surprise, one of Isaac’s paddles survived the whole journey wedged underneath one of the seats.

Once the canoe was retrieved, MPD notified the coast guard that they would not be needed… The idiots managed to save themselves. The cops were nice enough to give Isaac a lift to his car near Estabrook park while I stayed with the gear. Once he returned, we thanked the cops and they left.

We cranked the heat in Isaac’s car and reflected on what just happened, the madness behind us. This wasn’t the first time we had ended up in a sticky situation on a paddling adventure. We had once previously gotten turned around in the largest freshwater marsh on the east side of the Mississippi River during a 35 degree day in November with sustained winds of 30 MPH, 45 MPH gusts. Isaac’s phone was dead, mine had 10% battery, and we strongly debated using our last few minutes of cell life to call for help. Luckily on that day we stumbled upon a hunter who pointed us to the main channel, and we cruised with the wind at our backs for the last three miles.

Both of us have previously tried taking significant others paddling, with mixed results. What we consider fair weather hasn’t quite been nice enough, and what we consider to be adventurous, exciting, and epic, our significant others would consider to be their version of hell. That’s why we’re perfect canoe buddies. The hairier it gets, the more fun we seem to have. You can’t get stories like Isaac and I have without taking a few risks… We discussed these risks during a good 10 minute conversation before we ran the rapids.

The reality is that we knew this was risky, and we opted to face it, whatever the outcome. We aren’t “sit on the sidelines” kind of guys, and here’s why… Adventures like these are powerful. Purposeful. Soul fulfilling. Enduring. Isaac and I will probably have no regrets on our death beds, and it’s memories and adventures like today that assure me of that.

“You realize we could go for a swim today, right? It’s pretty rough”, I said.

“Yes. Let’s go for it”, he said with what I can only describe as young, dumb confidence.

I love this kid.

As far as the significant others, we have to be careful how we share these adventures. After watching this video 7 times in a row, laughing hysterically in Isaac’s car while soaking wet and chilled to the bone, Isaac finally reached out to his girlfriend saying only, “OK. Just got off the river. Heading home to take a hot shower then I will call you.”

Well played, Isaac. We’ll leave it at that for now.