1. God dropped his dildo.

2. Feminism has finally won, and this is just what happens in a matriarchy.

3. There are things I do not understand about sex and romance that involve flinging plastic penises on to roofs.

4. It has been there all along, but my life has been too chaotic to stop, breathe, and appreciate its presence.

5. It's a PR stunt by an energy drink brand.

6. I need a new glasses prescription, because it's actually a fallen leaf.

7. A freak urban tornado swept it on to the roof outside my window from the bedside drawer where some nice neighbour had been keeping it discreetly.

8. A elderly neighbour has locked himself in his bedroom. Without pen or paper, his only hope was to scratch a cry for help on to his cheap plastic dildo with his fingernails and lob it out the window. I will never discover the message because to do that I'd have to get a close-up look and ew, it's a gross dildo, which means that the man will die within the next few days from thirst. RIP man.

9. It fell from a plane.

10. It fell from a seagull's beak.

11. It's art.

12. I am imagining it.

13. I am imagining my entire life.

14. I entered a coma 11 years ago, and everything I think has been real since then has in fact been a dream. My imagination has filled in the blanks of life not lived; as my mother weeps by my bedside in the hospital, little does she understand the varied life within. One day, the nurse changed my drip, causing a hiccup in the logic of my subconscious reality, resulting in the appearance of the dildo.