Earlier today, the Panthers brought back two key members of their core when defensive end Charles Johnson and fullback Mike Tolbert signed new contracts. Now, they've lost a free agent as punter Brad Nortman has agreed to a 4-year contract with the Jacksonville Jaguars, according to multiple reports.

The amount of money being given to Nortman hasn't been confirmed yet, but I'm sure it's somewhere in the eleventy billion dollar range, as is the custom amount for a punter of his stature.

Okay, now that we've done the news bulletin part... here's my personal take on the matter.

I will now go sit in my room and cry... actually, scratch that. I'm not doing that. We have Swayze Waters now, and he's a better punter than you'll ever be, you traitorous bastard. I would tell you to go to hell but you're going to Jacksonville, so that's close enough.

I'm sorry, I don't mean that. I just... I say things I shouldn't say when I get emotional like this. I still think you're a swell guy. You just made a business decision that I wouldn't have made. But whatevs, it happens.

bye felicia

(Editor's note: It's unfortunate that this has to be mentioned, but for the sake of clarity everything below the actual news portion of this article is meant to be taken as a joke. I harbor no ill-will towards Brad Nortman for doing what he thinks is best for himself and his family and I wish him the best of luck in all his future endeavors.)