SAN JOSE, CA—Reacting instantaneously to the potential threat before it could imperil that which she held most dear, local woman Sarah Mackelberg’s deepest primal instincts reportedly activated Friday to protect her nearly finished glass of wine from an approaching waiter. According to sources at local bistro Chez Lupo, the 29-year-old’s natural, ingrained impulses to provide safety and security were triggered immediately once she realized the vulnerable glass, which still contained a sip of a Cabernet-Merlot blend, was in imminent danger of being stripped away from her forever by the server rapidly closing in on her table. Reports indicate that, upon sensing impending trouble, Mackelberg lunged forward and wrapped both hands around the stem of the nearly empty glass to shield it from the potential abductor and drew it tight to her chest, where the remaining drops of the 2015 Sonoma County varietal would be free from harm. After clinging tightly to the glass until the threat had moved a safe distance away onto the restaurant’s patio seating area, Mackelberg reportedly let out a quiet sigh of relief, looked down tenderly at the drinking vessel, and told the red wine how much she loved it.

Advertisement