Andrew has spent $101.16 of my Canadian dollars on GroUpOn! GroUpOn is a company that specializes in selling healthy products for children that they can grow up big and strong on! You know, wheat and stuff. Oats and carrots. Hah hah just kidding that’s not how they capitalize it because it’s actually Groupon!

Groupon is the not-uncontroversial company that encourages companies to offer them deep discounts on stuff, which they then sell to their members! Sounds pretty good for you, the consumer, right? Only this dude says Groupon sucks for small business. This dude credibly argues that Groupon functions as a loan shark for businesses! And this lady says Groupon is actually screwing up Europe! Whoah! Andrew Hussie what are you doing with such a disreputable company??

oh you are driving A FERRARI in STADIUM. Okay I take it all back because This Is Totally Awesome. (new slang: “TITA”, as in “Dude you have to try new Pepsi TITA, because TITA”)

Those of you who read the fine print on this photograph of a computer screen which one human adult texted to another will see that there will be both THREE LAPS OF DRIVING and PHOTO OPPORTUNITIES which suggests to me that sometime in September, when this “group coupon” is valid, Andrew will be texting me some photos of him with the car and I will be posting them here. MY FRIEND, I EXPECT NOTHING LESS THAN THIS:

DID YOU KNOW: the site I liberated that picture from is fastcoolcars.com and YES apparently eight-year-old kids CAN register domain names?? Fastcoolcars.com’s main competition appears to be coolcars.com but you can see how Fastcoolcar’s cars are both cool AND fast, so suck on that coolcars.com!

>

we all know it

Anyway I mention all this because a) I love how this whole internet culture of fast, cool cars all grab their logos from late-90s generate-your-own-logo sites and b) fastcoolcars.com saw fit to name this file “sexynails_car.jpg” so Andrew you are going to have to top that my friend. SUGGESTIONS FOR FILENAMES TO USE WHEN SENDING ME DRIVING SHOTS:

sexyhats_okaycars.jpg Andrew Hussie And Bucket Both On Hood Of Car.jpeg real_horse_driving_expensive_car_NOT_A_FAKE.mpg hussienaps (fell asleep in back seat, it was a busy day).png ManSteeringFranticallyWhileScreamingNOBRAKES - WOWWWWW.avi

The only downside of this is that the package comes “with instruction” and if you think ANY of my friends need instruction on how to drive the most decadent, borderline useless vehicles mankind has ever invented then PLEASE SHOW YOURSELF OUT because that’s all online cartoonists ever drive: insanely expensive cars, hovercrafts, and all love out of our relationships OH GOD