How something like Elf on the Shelf becomes a “Christmas tradition” overnight befuddles me. I get that it’s heavy marketing, but I talk to people who act like they grew up with it as a tradition, which doesn’t seem possible. I suspect something sinister is rewriting people’s minds. No, not Obama–Hallmark.

↓ Transcript JIMMY: I don't like that Elf on the Shelf. That things gives me the heebie jeebies!

AMANDA: What, do you think it's some vast conspiracy to watch you?



SOLDIER: Comrade Obama, we have up-link with another family!



