Mary-J: So tonight Bud and I had to catch up on two episodes of The River because I had been out of town. If you are unfamiliar, The River is a tv-show that follows a rescue trip for this Steve-Urwin-ish guy who had been missing for 6 months and a bunch of weird stuff is happening all the time. If you need to get caught up before reading on, Hulu has all the episodes. So anyways we watched the Hanging Man episode and the Ghost Ship episode. If that’s overwhelming for you, my apologies.

Bud: So up to this point I’ve enjoyed the show because of the well done intense scenes that freak you the fuck out when you are high: dolls coming to life, being buried alive! But the more emotional moments have been corny and the characters are not very relateable. Where’s the stoner in the movie? I’d be bummed to have to hang out with any of these characters.

Mary-J: I’d totally be down to hang out with the crazy dad who’s looking for magic. He seems like a lunatic.

Bud: In this episode, our prayers for a new character were answered by a douchey camera-boy from Emmet Cole’s original crew. Jonas is his name. He’s not enough to save the show but we’re rooting for him to stay alive, because this guy would definitely blaze with you, even if you hated him the whole time because he just bragged a whole bunch. Anyway there’s some scary shit in these episodes that will trip you out. There’s this scene where it starts hailing birds and another scene where locust eat a guys face…

Mary-J: And of course the Ghost Pirate Ship!

Bud: Yeah there’s ghost pirates on the river. Spongebob has made it impossible for me to not think ghost pirate ships are silly.

Mary-J: One thing about these episodes that gave me hope for the series was the first well done emotional moments. Lincoln and Tess find a tape of Emmet that shows him tortured by his decision to leave Jonas behind. This is the first time I’ve actually cared if they find him. Before this moment…. it was whatever. I mostly just loved that he was looking for “magic” (queue Harry Potter music)

Bud: And we have the first marijuana reference on the show! Turns out one of the ghost pirates likes to smoke the herb. He’s prolly got some good ghost shit! Still I found the story twists to be a little bit predictable. I feel like I saw the ending of each episode coming. This show is still on ice but these episodes were overall positive. I’d still recommend to get in before it’s too late.

Mary-J: I’m looking forward to next week’s hour. But I’d like to see them switch up the structure of the episodes. They all seem to follow the same basic patern. And I’m sick of the hispanic chick always being the sacred one. I think it’d be a good twist for her to be judged by the River.

Bud: Yeah this River is really judgmental. Other cool things included this death ceremony performed by the elders of a tribe. That was a little bit psychedelic. Overall I give The River 4 joints out of 5 but I still have my reservations.

Mary-J: Also sorry for reviewing two things with essentially the same plot. The River and Congo have similar basic story lines. We’ll mix it up next time 😀

How do you feel about The River? Let us know if you’ll keep watching it. I’m going to try to convince Mary-J to a review on 50 50, the new one with Rogan and Levitt.