Classic Rock Notes… From Legal

“Love Will Keep Us Together” – This appears to be a strictly oral contract, and as such is not binding.

“Owner of a Lonely Heart” – According to the agreed-upon terms, you are technically leasing it for approximately 80 years.

“I Shot the Sheriff” – Song’s self-exonerating plea of “self-defense” occurs too late.

“Lay Down Sally” – Punctuation required to clarify whether this is a command to Sally, to someone entrusted with the positioning of Sally, or an order to have sexual intercourse with a Sally made of down.

“Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” – Not without Municipal Sports and Entertainment License Forms 41.9-47 it isn’t, mister!

“I Am The Walrus” – Should not be released until you have first filed a DBA with the relevant state or county agency. Highly recommend a second filing for “The Eggman.”

“My Sweet Lord” – No legal ramifications for this one. Good to go!

“A Horse With No Name” – All domesticated livestock are required to have name, ownership, and current proof of vaccinations on file. Violators will find that there is indeed “someone for to give you some pain.”

“You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” – Suggested rewrite: “You HAVE Seen SOMETHING Yet.”

“Blinded by the Light” – If charge of luminosity-based macular degeneration cannot be substantiated, plaintiff may be subject to libel countersuit.

“I Can See For Miles” – No you cannot.

“Sweet Home Alabama” – After extensive check into the typical sugar content of an Alabama resident’s body, we find this song to be accurate.

“Who’ll Stop the Rain?” – Jurisdictional question. Checking with Research.

“Hotel California” – Despite flexibility of checkout procedures, we maintain some concerns about inoperative fire exits.

“Money for Nothing” – Song is likely to trigger investigation of possible fraud (see statute 321.1, “Zero-Consideration Contracts”) as well as a possible ancillary investigation into free chicks.

“Take a Chance on Me” – Please check relevant gambling/human-trafficking ordinances in your state/municipality/riverboat.

“Suffragette City” – As we grow tired of reminding you, it is technically a ‘Township.’

“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” – No legal note here, but have you considered hiring a P.I.? Legal “knows a guy.”

“Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” – NB the implication that Every Big Thing She Does is Science.

“Dancing in the Dark” – Not recommended, as current insurance policy carves out a coverage exception for “Acts of Stupidity.”

“Dancing on the Ceiling” – ibid

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” – This is technically true. You will have to settle for 20 platinum albums, 14 wives, 18 children, and 9 kajillion dollars.