I call my fortress “Hammertime.” All my military dwarfs, except the archers, use hammers.

Also, my dwarven empire is ruled by a vampire, who has ruled for over 50 years, and has no doubt murdered countless innocent dwarves. Our goal is to become the mountainhome and bring the queen here. We will create a throne room of the likes never before seen on The Future Planes. The centerpiece will be a massive silver hammer suspended above the throne, representing the wealth and might of Hammertime. When the foul vampire takes her throne, the Hammer shall taste blood for the first time.

I started preparing by building her throne room and quarters, a grand throne room deserving of Nilashok, though certainly far more than the filthy bloodsucking witch deserves. Above the throne is the hammer: A 5x5x4 solid block of silver walls, held up by a single support linked to a lever that can be pulled upon my whim. I like to think of it as my own variation of the Sword of Damocles.

In the spring after I finished my preparations, she finally arrived – Cerol Degerith, Vampire Queen of the Pages of Murdering, along with her Vampire King Consort. I knew I had to get them both under the hammer. I checked the bloodsucking witch’s profile, checked her kills. She had accumulated well over a thousand kills, all of them dwarves. If i had any doubts before about the righteousness of my cause, they were erased right then; Cerol had to die.

I put a burrow in the queen’s throneroom, at the area under the hammer. Just to make sure, and I put the King Consort into a squad, so I can be certain he was under the hammer as well. Luckily, it worked, and they both took their places under the hammer. It was time to put my plan into action, it was time to end the bloodsucker’s madness, it was…

Hammertime!

I ordered the lever to be pulled, and who else arrived to pull it but the Duke, who was the original expedition leader. It’s as though killing the queen was his idea, not mine, as if he founded Nilashok just for this moment, so he can avenge the hundreds of innocents who perished to slake Cerol’s unholy thirst. He pulled the lever, the hammer dropped, and the filthy bloodsuckers were crushed to death.

I do not know what the future holds for Nilashok and the Pages of Murdering, but I know that I will rebuild the hammer, so that if a new king or queen comes to Nilashok, they will have to sit under the hammer, and be reminded of their place.

It’s now been over a year since Cerol’s demise. We haven’t had any contact with the Pages of Murdering since – not even a caravan – and as far as we know, they still haven’t picked a new monarch. I’m wondering if the power vacuum I created started a civil war or something.

Written by Battlesheep

Illustrated by Taran