In the midst of the financial doping allegations levelled at Manchester City, owner Sheikh Mansour has shocked the football world by openly admitting to using an infinite money cheat to bring success to the Manchester club.

“”When I heard Greame Souness say you can’t buy the league I thought, ‘game on, old man’,” muttered Sheik Monsour, his feet on the back of a kneeling servant who was atop of three other kneeling servants.

Despite many in the football world believing that using cheats such as ‘infinite money’ and ‘influence the referee’ is immoral, the Manchester City owner believes there is no shame in what he has done.

‘Is it any worse than opening up the data editor and changing Raheem Sterling’s finishing stat to 20?’ asked Mansour. “Maybe. I’m not saying we done that but we definitely did do that, yes.”

“A lot of people are claiming that what I have done goes against everything the game stands for. But the proof is in the pudding. And that pudding has just signed on to sponsor the clubs cafeteria for £385m a year.”