As a lady it brings me no pleasure to tell you that yesterday while President Barack Obama was doing a little fishing in Dillingham, Alaska at Kanakanak Beach, a big salmon jizzed all over him. Our President: President Barack Obama.

“Uh-oh—UH-OH! What’s happening there?” Obama calls to the press as the fish begins his business. Sir—Mr. President—I’m sorry, as a lady it brings me no pleasure to tell you this but I must regretfully inform you that what’s happening there is: a fish is jizzing on you.

“Did you see that?” President Obama asks, “Something got on my shoes.” Ah. Yes, sir—Mr. President—as a lady do know that it brings me no pleasure to tell you this, but, in fact, yes, we did see that, and what we saw was: a fish jizzed on you.



The fish spawned on him, is another way of saying it, apparently.

Damn.