Hello Meredith,

I'm a married woman in her early 40s with two young children. My husband is 12 years older and we started dating when I was 21. Though we had fun for many years and the sex was good, our personalities are very different and clash frequently. The classic introvert/extrovert pairing just hasn't held up, and things have become increasingly difficult for us. I need conversation, connection, and friendship that I just don't have with my husband, even though I can say he is a wonderful father, a supportive spouse, and a very kind person. I often tell people that I am lonelier in my marriage than I would be if I were single.

Almost a year ago, I became romantically involved with a very good friend who has been married to his wife since he was very young. For several years, our friendship was completely platonic. We shared common interests and had fun together, socializing with our families and mutual friends. Then last spring it changed for me and I became attracted to him. We started to spend time together alone, and before long we were having a very romantic affair. A lovely, fun, and mutually satisfying relationship evolved, tempered only by the guilt we both feel at times. It hasn't been easy, but it actually feels like we're building a relationship together, though sometimes I am sad about how our romantic feelings complicate the once vibrant friendship we shared.

We have a terrific time together and the sex is wonderful, but there's no long-term plan between us other than continuing to have a secret affair as best we can into old age. No one knows about it, not even our closest friends, and I feel terrible admitting this, but I feel guiltier about hiding my affair from them than my husband. My boyfriend doesn't want to get divorced and leave his wife because he feels it's better for his kids to stay married, which frustrates me because I do think about divorce. The complicated nature of it all makes me quite sad, and I have absolutely no idea how to proceed other than to remain in this holding pattern because the alternatives all seem worse.

- Stuck between loneliness and love