Society is complicated. People like to be in groups, and groups form normality. But what happens if someone does not fit into one of these groups?

I am 30 years old. Almost a straight resume. In 11 years I attended six different schools, did an apprenticeship as an electronics technician, started working in IT. Four jobs in eight years, no breaks, it could be worse. Actually, as being autistic, this is pretty good compared to others.

Just in case you didn’t know: Autism refers to a wide range of conditions characterized by challenges with social interaction and communication. It comes in different forms, between “mild” and “very severe”. Only 16% of the autistic population is working full-time. I’m really glad I made it this far.

I want to clear up some misunderstandings that make our lives more complicated than necessary. The distinction between mild and severe, between asperger’s syndrome, low- and high-functioning autism causes issues. Usually society refers to the low-functioning type as severe autism and to asperger as a “mild form”. Sorry society, you’re wrong here.

I have got diagnosed with asperger’s about two years ago. You only get a diagnosis if something is really wrong. If all is well, you wouldn’t be looking for anything. In fact, apart from the fact that I was bullied at school and during my apprenticeship (I’m good with it!), the inability to keep friends, problems working with colleagues and superiors, being single for almost always, the constant feeling of being on the wrong planet, I never had a clue. I’m just weird, bad aura, whatever.

And then the management in my company changed. Two years ago things started going south. People were treated as resources instead of individuals, pressure increased, my stress level was maxed out. I collapsed, burnout, ready to bring myself to the nearest mental institution. Fortunately, a short comment from a girl on the Internet, talking about her asperger’s, caught my interest. When I’m interested in something, I start researching it. I read everything, did every test I could find online, joined discussion forums. Four months later I got the official diagnosis.

I began to pay attention to self-care. Reduced the amount of work through being slower, fewer meetings, leaving for home on time. It took a while but it slowly got better, with some drawbacks now and then. My psychiatrist recommended requesting disability status from the authorities, it could help me get some help. I never thought I would have to use it, but boy, I was wrong.

At the end of last year, the company I work for was completely restructured. The teams were torn apart and put together into new groups. I ended up being in a team with 26 other people. In IT, in cross-functional teams, this is pure madness. I submitted my disability card stating that I was “severely disabled” and requested a transfer to a smaller team.

This card was supposed to make my life easier, instead it made me radioactive. From that point on, the company tried to get rid of me. Just because in their opinion asperger’s syndrome is just a “mild form of autism” and I’m trying to take advantage of it.

Long story, but it helps to make a point. People have no idea about my life. They don’t see the daily effort I make to be part of society. They have no idea that the only thing in life for me is work, because there is no more energy for anything else. I meet my friends every 2–3 months, I can’t go grocery shopping, I can’t even do housework regularly. I come home, order some food, watch an episode on netflix and go to bed to recharge for the next day. Everything they can see is me, being in the office, with a mask, chattting, interacting, “working”. And that’s the problem. Even with that disability status, nobody believes you.

Society calls the low-functioning autism “severe,” because it’s obvious within minutes. And then they don’t expect much. But for people with asperger’s, expectations are much higher. Only because we have the ability to compensate, with energy. If we run out of energy, we will suffer depression, burnout and suicide.

This is not about me. I’m changing my situation by looking for a better environment. It might take some time, but it’ll work out. I’m strong enough for it. But what about the other 1% of the worlds population? The last stack overflow developer survey asked about mental health: 2.1% of the responses said they’re on the autistic spectrum. One in 50 people! How many of your coworkers might be affected without anyone knowing?

Help making their lifes easier, just by believing them when they say they can’t do something. They really can’t do!