ARE you someone who enjoys being the centre of controversy?

Does your work lack any semblance of consistency and often leaves people both bewildered and angry?

Have you watched a game of footy at least once before?

Then the AFL commission has the ideal job for you!

As match review panel chairman, you will be responsible for maintaining the low levels of trust footy fans have in the match review panel.

Any successful candidate must meet the following criteria:

- A proven history of making strange decisions;

- A willingness to be disliked by eighteen club presidents and the vast majority of people;

- Be a passionate Sydney Swans fan;

- Have only a passing acquaintance with common sense

- Happy to be yelled at for several minutes when you tell people what you do;

- Enjoy having your every decision analysed liked it’s the most important decision ever made;

- Have a pathological hatred of the Fremantle Dockers;

- Understands what natural justice is (and can explain it to us);

- Keen to annoy both David Koch and Eddie McGuire on a regular basis; and

- Has a strong aversion to contact sports

If this sounds like a job for you, then you should probably get some psychological testing done.

COLLINGWOOD IGNORING THE PEOPLE’S TRADE IDEAS

THE WORST IDEAS OF THE AFL SEASON

DANE SWAN APOLOGISES FOR GOING OUTSIDE

Titus O’Reily is a satirical sports writer. You can read more Titus at titusoreily.com or follow him on Twitter @TitusOReily