We’ve all come to hear it in some form or another. “I just want to fuck around,” and, “I want to find someone to make love to.” Aren’t they saying the same thing? I mean, fucking is having sex, and making love is having sex. According to basic math, that would mean fucking is the same as making love — yet they are seen as polar opposites, the former being “dirty” and “raunchy” and the latter being “pure” and “beautiful.” Truly, the difference has to be more than words.

Today, lovemaking is a mysterious and, to some, foreign art. Fucking, however, is so commonly practiced it has become a pastime — done between classes or on a random Tuesday afternoon. Fucking isn’t about emotion or even physical attraction. For me, a one-night stand doesn’t always have to be a girl next door. She just has to like sex as much as I do.

Fucking is selfish. I want her to touch the spots that give me the most pleasure. I want to caress her breasts and give her a hickey while I slam her back up against the wall. I want her to scream “fuck me” while she squeaks like a hentai porn star. And the best part is those feelings are mutual.

That’s what fucking is all about — raw, hardcore and rapid thrusting. It’s sweaty and very impersonal.

We can sleep together, but we always part ways first thing in the morning. Before our goodbyes, we usually trade laughs over the bruises, scratch marks and handprints we gave each other.

If we do exchange numbers, I would prefer we not contact each other for at least a day. After that, text me for round two.

Lovemaking is a harmonious engagement. It requires the “us” as opposed to “me” mentality. It is about taking your emotional love for someone and translating it into a physical act. As rapper Wale says, making love is “poetry in motion.”

Making love is when candles and incense illuminate the room. You come out of the shower together, and you each put on your favorite perfume and cologne. The artificial aromas naturally blend with the rose petals scattered across the bed. You take out the oils and start to give your partner a massage. You kiss each other passionately and feel each other’s bodies for hours on end. You pay specific attention to the spots you know she likes. When you do finally begin to have sex, “Lovin’ You” by Minnie Riperton is only slightly drowned out by shouts of “I love you” and slurred moans of each other’s names. After you finish, you immediately begin to spoon and either engage in deep conversation or fall asleep in each other’s arms.

While my description of making love probably sounds like your favorite X-Art porno, in reality, lovemaking is not that simple. Imagine saying you made love to that girl you took home from the bar last Friday night. It just doesn’t work that way. Making love requires giving yourself up to your partner and having sex simply to please him or her. Once intercourse stops involving your pleasure and starts revolving around making your partner feel special, it will be true lovemaking.

But fucking isn’t just for fuck buddies and one-night stands. Couples who have made love can also fuck — the opportunity to partake in both is actually beautiful. It all really depends on your mood.

Having sex is like trying to figure out what you want to eat. Sometimes you want to have prime rib from a five-star restaurant; other times, you may crave a greasy burger from the local joint. Same concept. Both have their perks, so you aren’t going to want to make love all the time or constantly fuck.

From my experience, I have felt the difference when having sex with someone (a specific girl in particular) whom I generally believed I loved. Since her, I’ve fucked a few women, and I have not felt as strong an emotional connection with anyone else in or out of bed. Until I find someone I “truly love,” my love for her is what I’ll use to define my feelings and experiences.

As the first heterosexual male Sex on Tuesday writer in four years, my columns will undoubtedly take on a different tone and style than my more immediate predecessors. While referencing concepts of sexuality, I will concentrate more on the issues surrounding the physical act of sex and all the diversity the act can include. My goal this semester is to stimulate thought and conversation on sex through an unorthodox perspective.

However you define it, know that “fucking” and “making love” are just labels and realistically don’t mean much. It’s all about your attitude. The physical descriptions I gave are mere guidelines — it’s really all in your head. You’ll know when you’re fucking, and you’ll know when you’re making love. Whatever you do in bed (or wherever you get it on), enjoy it, regardless of whether it’s fucking, lovemaking, doing the dirty deed, laying pipe or making babies.

Brett Tanonaka writes the weekly Sex on Tuesday column. You can contact him at [email protected].