I shake in anger; my eyes well up with tears. I feel helpless - confronted by a corrupt political class, of all stripes and parties, and the sheer lack of proper governance across India. Lipstick on the proverbial pig is thick and glossy but the veneer is thin: Underneath "Shining India" lie disgraceful feudal mindsets and destructive habits. Rabindranath Tagore would be turning in his grave at many harsh realities of India today.

Backdrop

I left India in 1991 to explore the world. As a young student, in the hallowed halls of Cambridge, I began to examine patriarchy and gender. Much of what I took for granted in India - the way women always ate after the men or how a woman is supposed to bend her choices to fit her husband's - I came to question. I saw how inequities in India are deeply rooted as everyday routines and rituals. I also witnessed how women could be treated as equal partners with men.

Born into a Bengali family that prized education, even as a child, I knew I would travel the world, live and study in different countries, becoming independent, financially and emotionally. After gaining a scholarship to Cambridge, my life took off. From there I went on to the University of Chicago and Yale Law School, then worked in New York, London and Boston. My desire was to develop myself abroad to my fullest potential and to mingle with the best and brightest of every country and continent.

Last year, 21 years later, I decided to come back to India to live. My reasons were the same as why I visited India on some pretext or other four to five times a year. None of the allure of the West could sever the umbilical cord to my Motherland. I still cry every time I read Tagore's Gitanjali and get a lump in my throat when I hear the National Anthem.

Adjusting to life in India was surprisingly simple. Family and friends warmly embraced me back into the fold. I started living in Gurgaon, the symbol of a modern India, where MNCs have created a metropolis with bars and restaurants that feel like Manhattan or Mayfair. I was happily ensconced in a cosmopolitan oasis, symbolic of an evolving India.

December 16 completely shattered all this. It brought back with startling severity all the reasons why I had left India in the first place. I recalled hating being stared at and rubbed up against in buses and public places. The cruel, inhuman incident and reactions or non-reactions to it by our leaders made me angry and vulnerable all over again. Suddenly, houses with large barricades and security guards and private cars could not efface the barbarian realities of everyday life. Even my multinational cocoon, Gurgaon, is filled with gangs of newly rich boys out to harass or threaten hapless females. My love affair with moving back ended abruptly.

Country

The violence of the attack on the bus was beyond shocking. Do men in Delhi not fear anyone? Suddenly, I was struck at a fundamental difference between living in the US and India - the RULE OF LAW. The same Indians who respect traffic lights in Singapore or Edison, NJ, speed through every intersection in Delhi. Yes, culture has an important role to play, but the lack of any credible institutions in this country creates a mindset of total impunity about everything.

Politicians create personal fiefdoms, there's the toothless bureaucracy forced to kowtow to these politicians, the ruthless police that's predatory and corrupt, and the fickle media, in many instances the saving grace, but also often a colluding, conspiring force that plays favorites. All contribute to the hubris that makes people believe they can get away with murder.

If this dark cloud has any silver linings, it's an awakened citizenry sick of scams and scandals. Students, men and women, dented and painted, old and young, upper class and middle class are united on the streets. It is sad a brutally violent act was needed to push people into action. Graphic images of police using tear gas and water cannons on crowds of women also make me despair. How long can these demonstrations last, putting sustained pressure on the government? What concrete demands should we make? Should we demand resignations of MPs with rape allegations against them?

Challenge

It is clearly a long and difficult road ahead. But I am reminded of the many marches that took India to independent nationhood. Free from the tyranny of colonialism, India now is in a struggle for her soul. The mindset that devalues women is deeply entrenched. Sometimes knowingly or unknowingly we are all complicit. To my shame, I have indulged in gossip about women getting divorced. I have asked whether a child being born is a boy or a girl and happily have gone to see presents of a bride's family sent for the groom's. These seemingly "innocent" actions all contribute to the objectification and devaluation of women and create a social context for bullying and rape.

Today, like all the other women I talk to, I am outraged. Many friends and acquaintances have bought mace or pepper sprays or ordered panic buttons on the internet. One has even just placed a baseball bat in her car. It seems we are on our own and, once again, the common citizens of India have to fend for themselves and struggle to build our institutions.

This battle is not only about women. After all, the friend who fought to defend the victim was a man. Every Indian man, woman and child needs to take up the challenge to reshape the country - to fight for the Rule of Law and reform of the police force. It is often said that Democracy gives people the government they deserve. Do we Indians deserve this? I sincerely hope not!

- The writer divides her time between the US and India. The views expressed here are her own.