Right after his first loss to Chris Weidman, UFC star Anderson Silva said he wouldn’t fight for the belt again. He eventually changed his mind, but suffered a brutal leg break in the rematch six months later.

The former middleweight champion, who is currently facing a suspension after testing positive for four banned substances in his UFC 183 clash with Nick Diaz, says he battled different issues ahead of both title bouts against Weidman in 2013.

"I lost the first time due to lack of focus," Silva told Citizens of Humanity. "Because I was thinking of other things, because I was unhappy with myself within what I was doing in my sport and disappointed even with the organizers of fighting, and the downfalls of celebrity and fighting itself."

"The second fight, I was completely ready for," he continued. "God gave me a signal there: ‘Dude, you gotta stop. You have to stop. I gave you a sign; you didn’t understand…’ But more than that, it was about being able to see yourself, to see yourself, which is very hard, and realize, ‘Darn, I’ve been doing everything wrong’."

Following the losses, Silva changed his plans multiple times. At first, the Brazilian said he wasn’t interested in making another run towards the belt, but later changed his mind. In this recent interview, "The Spider" admitted he misses holding a UFC belt.

"This thing, being a champion, I can’t say that I don’t miss it sometimes… but when I started fighting, you just went there, fought, won if you won," he said. "Tomorrow it was all over, water under the bridge. All the victories I always had, the successful results I obtained, were always based on this: I go there, I fight, it’s over. I win, it’s over. I lift my arm, I go home. I lift my arm, it’s over. And then back to the start again."

Temporary suspended by the Nevada Athletic Commission, Silva is expected to finally appeal the failed test in August.