I really thought we’d grow out of looking down on men giving women pleasure.

I remember days of guys angrily denying being a bowcat (do people still call each other bowcats?), of boys being called pussies for going down on their girlfriends while their girlfriends were called sluts for giving them head.

There’s long been lingering shame around oral sex. Back in the days when sexual pleasure wasn’t on our radar, and sex was intended purely for reproductive purposes, orally stimulating another person was considered an act of depravity.

It kind of made sense that our collective weirdness around oral popped up in our teens, when we were still figuring out the complexities of sex.




But it’s disappointing that even in adulthood, in 2018, in a time when anal is on the menu and songs shout about eating ass ‘like groceries’, there are still men acting as though putting their mouth on a woman’s genitals is weird, dirty, or weak.

Take DJ Khaled.

DJ Khaled is hardly the yardstick with which to measure men, but he’s famous, he’s wealthy, and that means that when he says things, people take notice.

And so we must discuss DJ Khaled’s revelation that he refuses to go down on his wife, but happily lets her give him as much oral stimulation as he fancies.

‘Nah, hell nah,’ DJ Khaled, who married his wife, Nicole Tuck, in 2014, said on The Breakfast Club back in 2014. ‘I don’t do that.

‘You gotta understand, I’m the don. I’m the king,’

‘It’s different rules for men. We the king, so there’s some things y’all might not wanna do, [but] it gotta get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t.’

DJ Khaled is trending after he said he never goes down on his wife because there are "different rules for men." Wonder how dinner's gonna go in that household. pic.twitter.com/YLsb5qn3as — Brent Black (@brentalfloss) May 4, 2018

Those comments have resurfaced on the internet and for the most part, DJ Khaled’s been roundly mocked. Even the dictionary got involved.

Double standard. A code containing different provisions for one group of people than for another, especially an unwritten code of sexual behavior permitting men more freedom than women. See also: DJ Khaled? ? https://t.co/OISC53qTde https://t.co/AeAg5pl84T — Dictionary.com (@Dictionarycom) May 4, 2018

DJ Khaled: AH! I don’t know what I’m doing here! *blasts rap airhorn at wife’s vagina* — popular comedy account “the pixelated boat” (@pixelatedboat) May 4, 2018

[DJ Khaled watches his wife get into a cab with all her stuff] (quietly, to self)

…Anotha one. — Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) May 4, 2018

But among all those ~fire~ jokes, something’s become pretty apparent: There are plenty of guys out there who hold DJ Khaled’s beliefs.

You know, the beliefs that if you want to be a real man, a king, you can’t go down on a woman.

The belief that going down on a woman is weak and unmanly.

There are plenty of women noting that they’ve dated dudes who refuse to go down, and plenty of men loudly declaring that they, too, are ‘kings’, so they expect blow jobs but offer no oral in return.

I feel ya @djkhaled. Only kings understand the mindset. Snowflake soyboys would never understand. https://t.co/w1jmegPkUF — Colby Covington (@ColbyCovMMA) May 4, 2018

I've spoken to many straight women throughout my life, let's not act like DJ Khaled is a unique case — Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) May 5, 2018

Not even tryna comment on DJ Khaled bullshit cuz none of the dudes talking shit can eat pussy either — helen (@helen) May 4, 2018

The oral sex gender gap is real, and while some of it may be down to women’s insecurities about their vaginas and a lingering unwillingness to ask for or expect pleasure, a big part of this is the view still held by too many men that there’s something shameful about getting up close and personal with a vagina.



There’s a sense that if you’re a real man you should only care about your own pleasure. If it’s not getting you off, you’re not putting yourself in a position of power.

Women in their lives, meanwhile, are expected to give and expect nothing in return.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

It’s a paradox really, because while giving pleasure through oral is considered by this breed of man to be weak, being unable to give a woman an orgasm is considered a failing too, despite oral being a far easier way to bring a woman to climax.

So clearly there are still some attitudes around sex and some misperceptions that are still circulating.

Let’s iron them out.

Sex isn’t just about receiving pleasure, it’s about giving pleasure. If you’re not into that, you should probably masturbate instead.

You wouldn’t brag to your mates about never having given a woman an orgasm, because that would reflect poorly on your sexual skills.

The same should go for proudly declaring you don’t go down – not just because oral is more likely to get a woman off (if she’s into it – but you should at least give her the option) but also because oral can be a key component of your sexual skills. Which leads us on to…

It’s not all about your penis. Sex is still happening even if your penis isn’t involved. It doesn’t start with penetration and it doesn’t end when you jizz.


Your whole body can get involved, and there could be a sense of pride in your tongue being skilled as well as your dick.

Putting your mouth down there won’t magically zap away your man points.

Going down on a woman shouldn’t be a chore. It’s actually pretty damn fun to do things to a vagina and see the pleasure it’s bringing. It’s an amazing skill to be able to make someone tingle all over with just your body.

Being able to bring a woman immense pleasure with your mouth isn’t weak, it’s powerful. There is no pride in declaring you never go down on women.

While I’m not one to hold up masculinity as hugely important (there’s nothing wrong with being a woman), if that’s what’s important to you, remember that it’s manly to be capable and willing to get a woman off.

Being scared of vaginas, uneducated about the best way to give someone an orgasm, and to base your perception of your masculinity on where you’re willing to put your mouth, not so much.

Go down enthusiastically. Show off your power. Then you’ve got a right to call yourself a king.

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