Hello, this is Chris and welcome to another MMA Squared. The executives at ESPN have asked Dana White to watch the event like a fan an “give them some notes.” The president dutifully settled into his leather chair for some bread and circus.

White skips FightPass™ because those fights “aren’t for him,” and pours himself a beverage.

As the FS1 pacing mixes with the Proper 12, an unpleasantness creeps over him. After the fourth Farmers Only commercial he starts checking his phone. Who the heck is Bandenay? or Staropoli? Isn’t Aldana a woman?

After three straight hours of CONTENT that features at least 32 minutes of “cage time,” the President’s resolve starts to wane. His head sags and he wonders... “who even watches this? Goofs, probably...”

All of a sudden a fight breaks out! It’s a good one! White snaps out of the fog trying to figure out whether it’s Ian Heinisch or Guido Cannetti. “Who can tell the difference in this Reebok crap?!” he shouts to no one.

Realizing that fights are best enjoyed in the company of others, he texts an old friend.

But no response. The fight ends (split decision) and White sinks back into the broadcast. Entering the fifth hour of CONTENT he ponders what notes to give the ESPN execs “it’s like flipping channels, hoping something will interest you... but it never does.”

Jon Anik announces that there’s just one more fight til the co-main event and White throws up his hands in defeat. “Jesus Christ! How could ANYONE sit through this?! I can’t believe-” BZZZ BZZZ His tirade is interrupted by a text message.

The message is just four words, but it signals the end of an era. The Old Goofs are dead. The FOX is leaving the hen house. Welcome to the ESPN Era you goofs.

As always, MMA Squared is brought to you by Combat Wombat, and expression of marsupial violence known... somewhere. The Combat Wombat shirt will be on sale for the holidays as will MMA Squared artwork. Stay tuned @RiniMMA or chrisrini.com for updates. Take care of yourself and I’ll talk to you next week.