Please explain what just happened.

My cat fell into a sink full of water. And there’s zero proof I pushed her. And it was totally worth it, even with the mess.

What is your earliest memory?

My cat falling into a sink full of a water. Trying to remember anything prior to that gets dicey. I blame the weed.

If you weren’t a comedian/actor/writer, what other profession would you choose?

Is being a billionaire a profession? If so, I’d choose that one. I Googled it; apparently it isn’t. So in that case, I would like to be the owner of Apple Computers.

Describe a typical work day.

Wake up too early, drink too much coffee, call my agent too many times demanding more work, then nap. Repeat.

Is there a time you wish you’d lied?

Yes.

What would you say to yourself if you could go back in time and have a conversation with yourself at age thirteen?

It. Gets. Better.

If you could have only one album to get you through a breakup, what would it be?

Jeff Buckley – Live at the Sin-e.

What are three websites—other than your email—that you check on a daily basis?

Gawker, Perez and Bank of Montreal (usually to see if said agent has made a deposit; usually she hasn’t).

Oh shit, should I say: The Nervous Breakdown? Okay, then that’s the fourth site, k?

From what or whom do you derive your greatest inspiration?

My parents are the funniest, loudest people in the world. And if I didn’t say them, they’d never shut up about it.

Name three books that have impacted your life.

Openly Bob, Tuesdays with Morrie, and Superfudge, by Judy Blume

If you could relive one moment over and over again, what would it be?

I should say shit like my wedding day or the first time my kid said she loved me or something related to being on stage. But I’ll probably go with the first time I smoked pot – it was pretty fantastic. Now I’m just chasing the dragon.

How are you six degrees from Kevin Bacon?

How many degrees is it if you’ve been inside him? That many.

What makes you feel most guilty?

See my previous answer.

How do you incorporate the work of other artists into your own?

By trying to be better than them.

Please explain the motivation/inspiration behind Darcy Michael: One Skinny Bitch

Paying for my kid’s braces. Or: I was genuinely inspired by the way Louis CK proved that the internet hasn’t ruined the ability for an artist to sell a quality product at a low price that fans would buy. I think, if anything, he has proven that there is plenty of opportunity for artists, musicians and comedians to make money off their craft and connect with their fans. All while screwing over record labels. It’s a beautiful thing.

What is the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?

To never take advice, always go with your gut.

List your favorite in the following categories: Comedian, Musician, Author, Actor.

Comedian: too many to list but the short list is Mitch Hedberg, Ron White & The Jerky Boys

(one of these is a lie)

Musician: Jeff Buckley/Adele

Author: Judy fucking Blume

Actor: Phillip Seymour Hoffman

If you had complete creative license and an unlimited budget, what would your next project be?

Unlimited budget? Wowza. I’d probably say a documentary about me going to the moon, but then we’d just forget the cameras…nobody needs to hear me squeal like that.

What do you want to know?

Why people are still reading this instead of going to darcymichael.com and buying my new online special: One Skinny Bitch. It’s only 3 bucks you cheap sons of bitches. Go.

What would you like your last words to be?

See the answer above.

Please explain what will happen.

BLACK BEAN SOUP!!!

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One of Canada’s brightest comedic performers, Darcy Michael has had an interesting rise to the comedy stage. And recently he lost over 100 pounds! This life alteration has worked its way into Darcy’s onstage material, and his latest project, a new comedy talk show called The Skinny with Darcy Michael, is currently in production. Guests include Alan Thicke, Caroline Rhea, Judy Gold, David Steinberg, Harland Williams and many more.

Another notable project for the busy comedian is the online release of a stand-up special titled Darcy Michael: One Skinny Bitch.

He has worked alongside many comedian greats, including The Kids in the Hall, Craig Robinson, Mike Smith, Debra DiGiovanni and Matthew Perry. Pegged by the Montreal Gazette as one of their favorites at the prestigious Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal, Darcy was nominated for a 2010 Canadian Comedy Award for Best Televised Performance.

His edgy but personable approach has won him appearances at the Global Comedy Festival, Winnipeg Comedy Festival, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and regular appearances on CBC Radio’s The Debaters.

Other exciting projects on the horizon include the upcoming films Rapturepalooza, a hilarious comedy starring Craig Robinson, and the sequel to the Christmas classic A Christmas Story, which comes out in December 2012. Darcy has appeared in many television series and movies including Gay Dude, Lloyd the Conqueror, End Game, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, Life Unexpected, The Assistants, Reaper, and Numb.

He currently resides in British Columbia, with Jeremy, his husband of 8 years, their teenage daughter, and two “adorably fat kitties.” If Darcy isn’t on stage or filming, he can probably be found tending to his garden….where he grows “vegetables.”