Rebecca McBrain, wife of Iron Maiden drummer Nicko McBrain, has been arrested for battery. No, I don’t mean she’s been arrested for playing the Metallica classic — “she allegedly tried to stab two people in her home with a decorative lance,” according to Boca News Now:

“Police say the stabbing attempt failed, but Rebecca McBrain on Woodset Way was successful in hitting the victims with logs that had been sitting in a firepit behind her home.”

She tried to stab two people… with a decorative lance… and when she failed to successfully wound them… she hit them with logs.

I mean, what do you even say to something like that? I would suggest that Mrs. McBrain get some anger management therapy, but I’m too scared she’ll beat me like I was Nicko’s drum kit.

And so, on behalf of everyone at MetalSucks, I would just like to send the following message to Rebecca McBrain:

CONGRATULATIONS ON NOT BEING CHARGED WITH ATTEMPTED MUDER!!!

Mrs. McBrain is out of prison now on $3,000 bail, which does not seem like that much when you consider that she tried to stab two people and then hit them with logs.

Incidentally, it’s been ten years since Nicko himself was arrested for deliberately hitting a parking attendant with his car. His punishment was that he got a ticket.

Holy shit. These two are practically Mickey and Mallory Knox. And Nicko always looks so happy in photos! There must be therapeutic value in hitting the occasional person with a vehicle or large piece of wood.

Thanks for the e-mails, gang.