My focus over the last year has been to increase my level of acceptance. When it comes to mindful awareness and letting go I was informed through books, seminars and other media that acceptance is key. Now I find myself questioning acceptance. I feel like acceptance is holding me back. Let me explain why.

Consider a problem, this problem can be anything. You consider the “something” that you are dealing with to be a problem.

The above statement gave me my first insight into acceptance. This insight is the one I have held close since I first began to consider mindfulness. In other words, the above statement can be written as follows:

“Anything is only ever a problem, if I believe it is a problem.”

This sentence has governed my way of thinking for a long time. At least until now. You see, looking deeper into acceptance, I have notice something. This deeper exploration into mindfulness and acceptance has led me to understand the following:

“Something is only a thing, if I believe it is.”

It is important here to understand that I am not talking about physical matter. I am talking about how you define, in your mind, what something is in relation to you.

Imagine a knife. In my hand I see a tool, in the arms of an aggressor it is a weapon. The knife is the “something” and my mind makes that something a “thing”. However, if I decide to not identify the “thing”, it remains “something”.

With acceptance I became aware of what I defined “things” to be in relation to myself. Now I am going deeper. If I have no opinion of the “something”, it can never become a “thing”.

Of course many will say that a knife in the hands of an aggressor still holds the potential to be a weapon. This is very true, but if I do not identify the knife as a weapon, how can I fear it?

I would agree that existing in a constant state of acceptance – of what is going on and will happen in the immediate future – will lead to a disconnect with other people or, as I prefer to define them, consciousness’.

How do I achieve acceptance?

This question is much better answered with an image. Below is an image of my interpretation of the human condition. There are two extreme states, the chaser and the acceptor. The circle represent the loop of time, it always rotates. This is what keeps the world moving and changing. The red dot is the focus of the individual. The top half of the cycle is a positive reaction to what the focus is experiencing. The bottom half is the negative reaction.

Above we have two states of the human condition. On the left we have the chaser, the person who is making “something” a “thing” he either wants (positive) or fears (negative), this leads him to chase the positive half of the cycle – either out of fear or to chase the want – during the infinite rotation of time. On the right we have the acceptor, he has no opinion of what he is experiencing and therefore exists in the centre, letting both the positive and negative half of the cycle rotate around him. This person is not identifying the “thing” which he is focusing on as anything, thereby he cannot have a positive or negative reaction towards it.

It is important for me to remind you that the image above is a depiction of the extreme states. Consider the person on the left (the chaser) to be a person sprinting to keep up with the positive cycle. This state is a state of panic, a fear that what we like will escape us or that what we fear will catch us.

The person on the right, the acceptor, is in a complete state of peace, he has no opinion of the “thing” his focus is experiencing. This could be a person in a deep state of meditation. He has no worries, because he has no opinion.

This image works as a scale, the further you can bring yourself to the centre of the cycle the more comfortable you will be. Consider the short distance the you have to rotate at the centre of the circle, while the full rotation distance of a person at the circumference of the cycle is much farther than that of a person existing closer to the centre.

The key is to focus on the things in life that I enjoy, while having no opinion of the “things” I consider myself to dislike. I attempt to exists closer to the core of time than on its chaotic and infinite rotations. Allowing me to follow the rotation of positivity at a pace equal to a stroll. At the core acceptance becomes almost effortless.