LEWISTON, ME—Announcing his newfound support for the former New York mayor, local Democratic voter Lucas Butterfield calmly stated, “I like this candidate now and will vote for him,” after seeing a Mike Bloomberg ad for the 12th time in a single day, sources confirmed Thursday. “The ninth ad didn’t really convince me, and I was on the fence for the 10th and 11th, but once I had seen my 12th commercial since waking up this morning, I suddenly realized Mike is the candidate for me,” said Butterfield, who explained that he had initially opposed the former Republican’s candidacy, but after the day’s encounter with a dozen print, TV, radio, billboard, and autoplaying digital ads, it now seemed obvious to him that Bloomberg was “the only man for the job.” “I like Mike. Mike is my candidate of choice. I will go to the polls and cast my ballot for Mike, and I will tell all my friends to vote for Mike too. I support Mike Bloomberg for president in 2020. Only Mike can get it done.” At press time, sources confirmed the man was speaking Bloomberg’s name over and over again with increasing urgency while he repeatedly walked into a wall.

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