OSHAWA – While on a third date with a Tinder match, Alex Phillips refers to Alberta as “Canadian Texas,” despite living in Canadian Michigan.

“It’s really as backward as the US is,” Phillips espoused while full-well knowing they live in a province with a failing auto sector and crumbling infrastructure.

Despite being very aware that Ontario and Michigan’s culture is shared by not only three Great Lakes, but nine border crossings into its adjacent state, Phillips failed to make a very clear realization about his own province, instead relying on repeating tired comparisons of Alberta to the Lone Star State.

“All the people out there just care about oil and the rodeo. Sound familiar?” he scoffed, wolfing down a new local Ontario IPA, much in the same way many Michigan citizens do as a result of the state’s similarly burgeoning craft brewery scene.

After taking a moment to muse about the creativity of recent Ontario born rock-blues duo Black Pistol Fire to his date, a band that takes direct influence from Detroit’s The White Stripes, the very loud man went on to charm his date with more bland statements.

“Thank god we live in Ontario right?” asks a man who should be able to easily spot the similarities between the current state of Flint, Michigan, and the Six Nations of the Grand River reserve.

After ordering another beer, Phillips reportedly went on to shake his head at the American population for voting for Donald Trump, despite the obvious comparison between the formerly Republican Michigan government and the Ontario Progressive Conservatives.

After completely ignoring his date’s point that Calgary recently voted in the first Muslim Mayor of a large Canadian city, the Tinder date reportedly ended much to Alex’s confusion.