It’s just this, over and over again. Photo by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Getty Images

If you’re free Thanksgiving morning, you should either relax or cook. Do not turn on the pointless, three-hour-long commercial known as the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.


I don’t want to hear any complaining about how you like the parade. That’s exactly what Macy’s wants you to think. What if I told you you don’t have to watch bloated characters float by in a gigantic display of commercialism? Oh, it’s this character that I’m supposed to enjoy, because when I enjoy it, a company profits. Oh great, it’s that character that my children are going to remember exists, and then they’ll beg me for toys of it all day while I’m cooking. No thanks.

And then at the end of the parade, Santa? Seriously? Not only is it not even December, but on this day we are currently celebrating another holiday. One that does not revolve around gifts or lying to children. Oh look kids, Santa is here, you can tell them. Why? Because a department store wants your eyeballs on their TV show. Not because it in any way makes sense for Santa to pop down to New York City on his one day off during his busiest season of the year.


The whole parade is just one giant commercial, and you know what I do when commercials come on TV? I skip them.