Dear, very dear, Australia Post board,

May I please have a job? I'm lovin' ya work, particularly on executive pay, and reckon I could provide fabulous value to you and the nation for, say, a couple of mill. The public outcry about the $10.8 million this year to outgoing premier postie Ahmed Fahour is bloody outrageous. How could anyone be so churlish, so ignorant, to question the notion that public-sector executives absolutely must be paid at least as much as those in the private sector?

Ahmed Fahour will receive $10.8 million final pay from Australia Post. Credit:Josh Robenstone

Ahmed is clearly worth more than almost every private sector chief executive. The punters simply don't appreciate that, as you say, you keep executive salaries "in line with community expectations". You clearly nailed that for ages, but you do seem to be slipping; the maximum of $2.75 million a year you're giving Ahmed's successor, Christine Holgate, looks positively parsimonious. At least you're respecting the unimpeachable practice of paying women far less than men.

All those nitpickers whingeing about the stagnant real wages of most of the other 50,000 Australia Post employees are appalling, too. And, as for the carping about you trying to conceal Ahmed's salary, well, that's even more disappointing. As you tried so doggedly to convince that annoying, tacky Senate estimates committee (oh, the things public enterprises have to endure), salary details are, well, personal and sensitive and should be suppressed because individuals "may become targets for unwarranted media attention" which could lead, you fear, to brand damage. Nah.