The anthropomorphic 1975 Chevy Van (doors do not lock, some interior odor) known as Ted Nugent has once again said some stupid things very loudly without the added benefit of respectable guitar work, braying at last weekend’s NRA convention that President Barack Obama is “vile” and “evil,” and that if he is re-elected, “I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” Not surprisingly, many looked at those remarks as some sort of vague threat—not unlike the somewhat less-vague threat Nugent made in 2007, when Nugent invited both Obama and “worthless bitch” Hillary Clinton to “suck on my machine gun.” But this time, those concerned included the Secret Service, who are now “conducting the appropriate follow-up” to Nugent’s remarks, such as rolling their eyes behind their dark glasses and making “Cat Scratch Fever” jokes before concentrating on genuine threats, such as a particularly shifty pigeon on the White House lawn.


But Nugent isn’t taking the slight hint of ineffectual reprisal, nor the White House’s indifferent refusal to dignify his comments lying down: He expanded on his NRA remarks during an appearance on Dana Loesch’s radio show yesterday, calling them “100 percent positive,” and adding, “It's about we the people taking back our American dream from the corrupt monsters in the federal government under this administration, the communist czars he has appointed”—you know, those communist czars who have for too long robbed the dreams and freedoms of millionaires with their own hunting ranges and the ability to suggest violent retribution against a sitting President into any open microphone without consequence.

In fact, it’s Ted Nugent who has the most to fear, according to Ted Nugent: “I'm a black Jew at a Nazi-Klan rally,” Nugent said, deploying that old familiar, down-home colloquialism for rock stars who have received negative media attention for saying spurious things, who are exactly like the targets of racist groups who want to kill them merely for existing. Continuing to display that sort of knack for lyricism, Nugent went on to call both Nancy Pelosi and Democratic National Committee chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz “varmints”—and Pelosi specifically a “sub-human scoundrel”—for finding fault with his “audacity to speak the truth,” which is definitely what they are doing.


Finally, after a spokesperson for Mitt Romney’s campaign—which Nugent expressed vocal support of, right before all of this happened, so Thanks and warm wishes, Mitt—seemingly rejected his endorsement by deeming his comments “offensive,” Nugent responded, “I think Mitt Romney's already denounced my guitar playing because it's too sexy,” which is also definitely what’s happening there. Nugent then concluded, “Mitt Romney knows what I'm saying is true. He puts it in the words for him, I put in the words for me.” As of press time, Nugent had yet to put it in the words for people who are not self-deluded jackasses.