If you were casting a Bravo reality series about superficial, luxury-brand-obsessed Washington women, you wouldn’t have to look much farther than Louise Linton, the wife of the US treasury secretary, Steven Mnuchin. (Oh, but wait, such a reality series – Real Housewives of DC – already aired, cancelled in 2010.)

On Monday, Linton exhibited her talent for playing true to type by posting an Instagram picture of herself disembarking from a US Air Force jet with her husband – in Fort Knox, no less, site of the nation’s gold reserves. The post was replete with hashtags announcing the designer brands she was rocking on her day trip to the poverty-stricken state of Kentucky: #rolandmouret, #hermesscarf, #tomford and #valentino.

When a Portland mother of three, Jenni Miller, derided the post – “Glad we could pay for your little getaway. #deplorable” – Linton went on an Instagram rant of Trumpian proportions, mocking Miller for being “adorably out of touch” in her presumed ignorance of the “sacrifices” rich persons such as herself make in the service to their country – not to mention the taxes they pay! (Taxes which Donald Trump has promised to slash.)

Linton’s post, and Linton herself, were promptly dragged across social media and excoriated in obligatory hot takes in the media. Linton then took down the post, apologized for her “inappropriate” behavior, and set her Instagram account to private.

Was Linton’s post “deplorable”? Sure. But then the culture of social media is deplorable. For her post wasn’t really so different from millions of others that appear on social platforms every day, perhaps every minute.

It was standard-issue social media braggadocio, designed to cause fomo (fear of missing out). Look at my life – isn’t my life amazing? Look at my clothes – look at me. This is what we do, on social media, isn’t it? Show off?

As she is the wife of a government official, Linton’s tone-deaf crowing indeed may have been “inappropriate”, but her post was in keeping with endless other posts by the famous and obscure alike, from the Kardashians to middle school girls who proudly display their “hauls” from the cosmetic aisles at Walgreen’s – to parents who post about their own children as a way of bragging about their wonderful families.

The problem is that this culture seems to be causing not just fomo, but some serious dysfunction. Anxiety, depression, even suicide, are on the rise among kids, especially girls, and some researchers have connected this to the effects of social media.

For children and teenagers, the pressure to constantly present an image of an awesome, perfect life can be overwhelming. The inordinate emphasis these image-based platforms place on physical appearance is also an issue. “You find a really pretty girl on Instagram and you’re like, ‘Goals,’” a girl named Sophia in Montclair, New Jersey, told me when I was reporting my book American Girls. “Goals to have my eyebrows like hers, goals to have my lips like hers … If you’re beautiful, everyone will love you.”

The interchange which followed Linton’s Instagram post was representative of another troubling aspect of social media culture, particularly as it relates to kids.

Linton was correct in pointing out that Miller’s comment smacked of passive aggression. But passive aggression is typical to social media commentary – as is outright aggression – and this seems to arise out of how most of the platforms are designed, with users invited to comment on the lives of others, often strangers.

Studies say that we are more likely to be aggressive from behind a screen. Kids today are growing up seeing the sort of nasty, testy discourse which runs all over social media as normal or even triumphant.

It wasn’t surprising to see the reaction to Linton’s obnoxious post, but some of the outrage may have been misplaced. The leaders of tech need to take more responsibility for the ethical ramifications of how their platforms are designed, and how this is changing our culture, and our kids.

Right now, what seems to interest them the most is getting us all addicted to their products. And getting likes for being the prettiest, the sexiest and having the best stuff seems to be highly addictive in a society where the wider media continually glamorizes the lifestyle of the 1%. The Real Housewives franchise hasn’t been popular for more than a decade for nothing.