Much like an Ohio State quarterback who dispatches Michigan and forever basks in the forthcoming glory, Brian Hoyer and the Cleveland Browns dismantling of a wildly inconsistent Pittsburgh Steelers team has suddenly made the city’s own has immovable as the Free Stamp that sits just outside of FirstEnergy Stadium.

The Browns have had an odd season. They’ve beaten the New Orleans Saints, which, despite a slow start, have pulled themselves together to once again resemble the powerhouse they’ve been for much of the past decade. There was a close loss in Week 1, and another to the Baltimore Ravens. Then there was the aforementioned Steeler smash. But they’ve also gotten down 28-3 to an atrocious Titans team (before storming back to win), scored six points against a winless Jacksonville Jaguars team and narrowly escaped with a victory against a downtrodden Oakland Raiders squad, one of those wins where you feel like you need a cold shower afterwards because it feels so dirty.



Brian Hoyer hasn’t been bad, but calling his play “good,” or any other synonym you can find in the thesaurus, is a stretch.

Brian Hoyer has been the embodiment of the team’s season thus far. At times, he’s been good. His last minute drive against the New Orleans Saints was a thing of beauty. His second half against the Titans was stellar. He’s thrown a gorgeous pass to Jordan Cameron here, a bullet to Travis Benjamin there. He’s a master of the play action pass in much the same mold that his former mentor Tom Brady is.

At times, however, he’s been pretty bad. Hoyer was 16-of-41 passing in that monstrosity of a game against the Jaguars. His completion percentage on the year sits at a 57.3 percent, below the likes of Blake Bortles (63.5 percent), Derek Carr (61 percent) and Mike Glennon (58.8 percent). His inability to lead receivers on countless deep balls has taken sure touchdowns off the board, and eight weeks in to the NFL season it appears he still doesn’t trust his repaired ACL, eliminating any running threat he might possess. His 4-1 touchdown to interception ratio would be flipped on its head if defensive players’ hands weren’t constantly smothered in butter or not for the fortune of a questionable penalty flag.

Hoyer hasn’t been bad, but calling his play “good,” or any other synonym you can find in the thesaurus, is a stretch. Mike Pettine, as well as much of the Browns fan base, has adapted the “a win is a win” mantra, and any recent criticism of Hoyer garners you a one way ticket to the nearest mental institution. The faithful apologists of #BrownsTwitter have stormed to the St. Ignatius grad’s defense with fervor, attempting to eliminate anything that resembles a quarterback controversy. The Browns have lacked a competent dude under center for 15 years now, so the celebration of Hoyer is understandable. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t want better.

It seems that many are turning a blind eye to the fact that Hoyer has a very clear ceiling, and if there was nary a hair on his head, he would be scraping it. So while any mention of the one they call Johnny Football is met with a mob holding flaming pitchforks, the fact remains that Brian “Hometown” Hoyer will only take the Browns as far as his somewhat flimsily arm will take them. That iPhone 4s you’ve got may not load Angry Birds Stars Wars Edition as fast as you’d like, but it gets the job done. Still, you can’t help but stare at that golden iPhone 6 Plus. And that’s OK.

This is not a call for Johnny Manziel to take the field. I have no crystal ball in front of me, and no semblance of an idea if he will be successful or not. The loss of Alex Mack and the resulting disappearance of the run game will hurt any quarterback, and Josh Gordon’s return will change things immensely. What I do know that wanting more from a franchise and quarterback that has been wading in a pool of mediocrity for my entire existence on Earth is not something that should be swept under the boots of Browns fans looking to quickly grab hold of anything resembling a real football team.