Another week has come and gone. And with it, another episode of madness. I mean Riverdale. What am I talking about? Let’s dive right in.

This week’s episode, La Grande Illusion, majorly shifted the focus of Riverdale as we know it. We caught a glimpse into life at the Blossom household - maple syrup tasting, tree tapping, extravagant dinners… The Blossoms tried to bribe Archie (K.J. Apa) into, get this, replacing the late Jason as the heir to the Blossom fortune. Or at least that is how I interpreted it.

Red hot: Cheryl brings Archie along as her date.

While at the Blossom Mansion, Archie manages to unknowingly lead Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) on, piss her off, act as a messenger for Betty (Lili Reinhart) and Polly (guest star Tiera Skovbye), and uncover the secret behind Hiram Lodge’s imprisonment. All in a day’s work, eh?

And to all the Archie-haters out there, maybe take a deep breath and ask yourself: If all you had to do to help your dad (and get yourself a shot at your dreams) was to attend a tree-tapping “ceremony” and attend a dinner party, wouldn’t you do it too? I know I would. Whatever Valerie says.

And can I just say… Sometimes, I forget that Archie and his friends are supposed to be 15 years old. I think the only one who acts their age is Cheryl. How creepy but also childish was that last scene of hers? Petsch continually impresses me as the ever-dramatic Cheryl. Her acting as Queen Bee of the school is hammy in a way that works. It’s as if Cheryl is playing Petsch playing Cheryl. We get to see the real, lost, scared Cheryl during her vulnerable moments (think the school’s pep rally, Jason’s memorial, and that pool scene with Archie). Brava, Ms. Petsch, brava!

The B plot for this episode focused on the ever mysterious Hiram Lodge. To be honest, Mr Lodge was one of my favourite characters from the Digests, and I am deeply saddened that he is a criminal on Riverdale. Nevertheless, I hope that they cast him right. I hope the actor does him justice.

Ethel (guest star Shannon Purser) makes a comeback on this episode as her family lost everything because of Hiram’s shady dealings. True to her bad girl gone good narrative, Veronica (Camila Mendes) tries to befriend Ethel and cheer her up. All goes well, until Hermione reveals Ethel’s backstory, and Ethel’s father tries to commit suicide.

Feeling blue: Veronica breaks down in the bathroom.

Ronnie does not handle it well. She runs into the bathroom for a hearty sob. Only… it didn’t look very convincing. I love the great work Mendes has been doing as Veronica Lodge, but this scene could have been filmed better. They could have used eye drops, or maybe not focus so much on her face (which was obviously lacking in tears).

And finally, we come to the C plot. C for Coopers. See what I did there? Madchen Amick impresses again as the mother who has, in some sense of the word, lost a child. We saw her cold facade crack when she threw that rock through the glass of the Register, screaming: “I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK, YOU BASTARD!”

I believe we were all Betty in that moment: shell-shocked.

Blackout: Did Mama Cooper know what she was doing?

All in all, I will say the acting in this episode was solid. BUT. And this is a huge BUT... I did not feel the writing at all. In my opinion, it was plain lazy. There were so many things that we did not see. When did Cheryl mend her relationship with her parents? When did Mrs. Cooper start to approve of Jughead (Cole Sprouse)? What was the point of the Archie and Valerie’s (Hayley Law) relationship? And why did Cheryl take so long to catch up with Archie that he managed to eavesdrop on her parents?

Other note-worthy moments:

The wardrobe is amazing. Everything Cheryl wore was impeccable. Veronica’s preppy clothes also suited her character to a tee. And Betty’s good-girl clothing underscored the fact that she is the token good girl of the show.

As much as I love #Bughead, I’m glad they were relegated a little bit to the background. We got to see Jughead just be there for Betty while the other plots moved ahead. Sometimes, it’s the little things.

How creepy and hateful is Hal Cooper?

How is the murder board still up after Sheriff Keller found it the day he took Jughead away? You’d think this constitutes key evidence. Someone is clearly not doing his job well.

Lastly, why are the kids of the show more mature than their parents?!?!?! This honestly baffles me EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK.

Verdict: 2.5/5