Hundreds of polls flood into my inbox every day, but few as gleefully juvenile as this one, which seeks to determine what people are most likely to doodle and write into the dirt that accumulates on white van bonnets.

Unsurprisingly, male genitalia was the most common body part to be inscribed, followed by a pair of breasts. Smiley and sad faces were also popular, presumably for amateur artists in a rush.

As for words, 'f*ck', 'c*nt' and 'w*nker' were the most popular profanities, while the perennial 'clean me', 'I wish my wife was this dirty' and 'Also available in white' were the most popular phrases.

The 'sweariest' region for white van defacement is the Republic of Ireland, where you're more likely to see a 'f*ck' etched than anywhere else.

Of more sociological interest is the fact that women are most likely to spot 'clean me!' scribbled on a van, while men are twice as likely to notice a penis.

A whopping 1,020 people took this absurd poll of graffiti spotted, which was conducted by electrical wholesaler YESSS Electrical.