The view outside the train started to resemble the city I’d grown up in, and soon I could even recognize a few buildings here and there. I wondered if I would remember more of it if I hadn’t been away for so long, though I know it’s mostly the boredom of a two hour train ride that’s making me think about irrelevant stuff like this.

Granted, it was still a better thing to think about than worrying about this trip for the hundredth time. My anxiety had been almost palpable during the ride to the train station, and Emi’s relentless teasing about it hadn’t helped. Thankfully, it’s since calmed down to a low-key concern in the back of my mind.

I turned to look at Rin, who was sleeping soundly with her head on my shoulder. She was wearing a plain blue jacket, the sleeves tied into knots, with two shirts underneath, along with long black shorts. I wondered if she’s truly tired, or if this is her way of dealing with the anxiety of going to an unknown place, to stay in the home of strangers.

“Rin,” I say softly, then a little louder to wake her up. “We’re about to stop.”

Her eyes opened and she looked at me with an expression of mild annoyance on her face. “I wanted to sleep a little longer, like waking up from a nap only to realize you’re still tired…”

“Sorry,” I said, kissing her on the forehead to try and placate her. “But we need to get off soon.”

“Ok…” she muttered as the train slowed down. Once it stopped completely, we got up and started to exit the train. “Hisao, you’re forgetting my luggage.”

“Right,” I replied in embarrassment before taking her luggage, dragging both hers and mine as we got off the train. “Sorry, I’m not used to dragging around two luggage bags.”

“I’m not used to having luggage,” Rin replied as we exited the platform and into the station. We were changing lines to a local train. “Mom and Dad always handled my things, and then when I moved to Yamaku I didn’t really go anywhere, so my things are always in the same place. Though sometimes I can’t find them even though I know where they are, like a mole that dug a lot of holes, but not knowing which hole he stays in.”

“Emi helped you pack, didn’t she?” I asked, hoping the both of them didn’t forget to pack anything important like clothing, especially undergarments. I can already imagine the utter horror of having to explain to Mom the need to buy my girlfriend underwear.

Rin nodded once, and when I didn’t respond she elaborated further. “We packed last night. Emi wanted to pick out what clothes to put in, and I didn’t feel like doing it so I let her. I only wanted to bring a sketchbook and some pencils along, even though I know clothing is more important.”

“You can sketch once we reach my house,” I said as we reached the local platform, waiting for the train to arrive. Sure enough, one arrived a few minutes later and we boarded. The seats were all occupied, though thankfully someone was kind enough to allow Rin to sit in the disabled seats of the train.

Rin looked at me curiously once she sat down, and it’s only after a few seconds that I realized that she was wondering why I’m not taking a seat alongside her.

“I’m alright with standing up,” I assured her as the train began moving. “I’m a city kid, I’m used to it.”

“Mm...I’ve rarely been on a train. I think the last time was when I was heading to Yamaku, and before that was...I forget,” Rin admitted as the train announces its next stop. “And I don’t think I’ve been on a train like this...stopping and going so much. It’s like a boat fighting against the waves, slowly sailing past it before the wave crashes down and it has to stop.”

“You don’t have a train line where you live?” I asked curiously.

“My parents live outside the city, in a very grassy area with very short buildings compared to someplace like this, it’s like the difference between a hill and a mountain, except it’s concrete and steel and not rock,” Rin answered, closing her eyes. “We go to the city sometimes, but always by car. Otherwise, we just take walks around our house together and say hi to our neighbours. I think they know all of them, but I don’t. They always look at me weird, like I'm a kind of animal they don't know, even though I'm actually a human...”

“Was it nice?” I asked. The fact that Rin was a rural kid never really occurred to me, though it made sense now that I thought about it. “The place where you lived?”

“It was…” Rin said, a touch of fondness in her voice. “Dad would always pick me up from school, and we’d walk all the way back home. Sometimes we stopped at a store and ate ice cream together, though he told me never to tell Mom because you aren’t supposed to eat ice cream before dinner. When we reached home, it would always smell nice because Mom was cooking dinner.”

“Sounds like a nice childhood,” I said with a slight smile on my face. From what little I gleaned from her parents, they seem loving and affectionate towards her. All the reason I needed to like them, a feeling I hoped would be reciprocated in the future.

“I can remember all of it, but not a particular day. Like knowing a cartoon but not what episode is in order...” Rin stated, looking mildly confused at the prospect of it. “And I never thought about it until you asked me, but I feel happy that you asked and happy that I remembered it. Thank you, Hisao.”

“You’re welcome Rin,” I replied as the train stopped again. “I would like to meet your parents one day. They seem like really nice people.”

“Mm...I hope you meet them too,” Rin said in agreement. “I think Mom would like you, she always likes whenever I talk about my friends. Dad too, but he doesn’t like it when I talk about boys for some reason, even though he’s also a boy. It’s like a banker who hates banking.”

“I think he just doesn’t want you to date,” I suggested with a chuckle. “Dad’s generally don’t like the prospect of their daughters going out.”

“Mm...then Dad is going to hate you,” Rin said with such certainty that it bordered on terrifying. “You spoiled me for marriage, then dated me, then spoiled me again. So he’ll probably hate you three times, like someone who hates fish having to eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I’ve never seen him angry before, so I wonder what he’ll be like...”

I wondered whether I should laugh or sigh, but I ended up doing neither and simply switched the topic to something less threatening to my well being.

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After a half hour, we finally reached the station closest to home. The afternoon sun was obscured by clouds, though thankfully it wasn’t snowing. We walked past familiar streets, ones I used to go by all the time.

Coming back here drives home how long it’s been since my departure. Though it’s only a few months, it still felt like an age has gone by. As I pass by a convenience store, the memories come flooding back to me. The many times I’d stopped there for a drink or a snack on the way home, and the times Shin loaned me money for a drink because I forgot to bring some.

Except...they didn’t feel like my memories anymore, at least not entirely. They felt like someone else, someone that was also Hisao but was no longer “me” anymore.

“Hisao?” Rin called out to me from ahead, and it’s only then I realized that I’d stopped. “You stopped, and you’re making that face again. The one you like to do when you’re thinking about things that aren’t easy, like how to fix an airplane.”

“Sorry, sorry…” I responded, feeling bad that I’d worried her. “Do you want to stop and grab something to eat or drink? It’s not like my parents were expecting me to be punctual.”

“I’m not hungry, and I’m not thirsty,” Rin stated, walking back to where I am. “Are you ok, Hisao? I feel like you want to talk about it, but also don’t want to talk about it...even though I don’t know what ‘it’ is.”

“I’m fine,” I say. “Just having a moment. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, so the memories just sort of...overwhelmed me, I guess.”

“Like how a tank overwhelms a soldier in war? But in your head?” Rin asked, and I nodded in response. “I’m trying to imagine that, and it feels painful. Not to me, but to whoever is actually feeling like that. Are you in pain, Hisao?”

“Just a little…” I admitted. “Come on, let’s go.”

We said nothing more as we continued our journey towards home. My home, where I wandered the streets at night, where I hung out with friends, where I had a life full of little moments that I’ve taken for granted. As we continued on, the memories continued to come back to me, moments long buried resurfacing and taking hold in my mind.

In a way, it’s like walking through a graveyard. Every familiar building just made me remember something that I’d lost, a moment in time I’ll never truly get back. It wasn’t sad, or even annoying, it just...was.

Eventually we reached my street, with houses lined side by side. The fifth one from the corner was my old home. It looked exactly the same as when I left it, a two story building painted yellow, with a small stone yard outside.

And waiting right outside of the entrance is Mom. She’s dressed in a winter coat and dark blue jeans, sitting outside and talking to someone on her phone. The moment she saw me, her face lit up and she ended the call.

“Hicchan~” she said in a loud voice, immediately rushing towards me to give me a hug. “I missed you so so much…”

I hugged her back. However distant we may have become, she was still my Mom and I still loved her. We stayed like this for a bit before parting, and she looked me up and down, a bright smile on her face.

“I was so anxious, waiting for you to come home” Mom said with a smile, as she rubbed my head. “I was almost about to call you. You look like you’ve grown a little bit taller.”

“Maybe,” I answered, before motioning over to Rin. “This is the person I told you about yesterday, the one I wanted to bring over. This is Rin Tezuka, another student from Yamaku.”

It seemed as if that moment was the first time Mom recognized her existence, and her brow furrowed slightly as she gave Rin a confused glance, then a scrutinizing one. In the end, she gave her a smile, though it was definitely different from the one she gave me, more forced and less natural.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” She said in a more formal tone than the one she addressed me with, extending a hand towards her before immediately pulling back, a gesture I can’t help but cringe at how awkward it was. She could clearly see the knots on her jacket, but I suppose she wasn’t used to greeting someone without arms. “My name is Ikumi Nakai, I hope you’ll find our home accommodating.”

“Thank you.” Rin said in a soft voice before moving closer to my side, looking slightly uncomfortable at my mother’s presence. Mom seemed annoyed at that, and gave me a look that said ‘We can talk about this later,’ before motioning us to come in.

Well, not exactly the first impression I was hoping for, but not quite a disaster just yet. At least, I hoped so.

“We shouldn’t stay out here long. Your father wants to see you too, Hicchan,” Mom said, sounding like her usual self again. “Oh, and I bumped into Shin this morning. He said he was looking forward to seeing you, Hicchan.”

The fact that Shin was aware of my arrival came as a surprise, though not a big one. We were neighbours, and Mom was more than familiar with him, so it made sense that he’d know about it. I could even imagine Mom incessantly asking him to come over and wait for my return for old time’s sake, and suddenly I can’t help but pity my old friend for having to deal with that.

Was he the same person as the Shin I knew back then? I can’t help but wonder.

I followed Mom and walked to the entrance of my house, Rin tagging behind me. As I went through the door, the three of us took off our shoes and entered the living room proper, where Dad. He looked the same as ever, wearing a white jacket and long pants, a thick mustache and beard covering most of his mouth.

“Glad to see you, son,” he said quietly, walking up to me and brushing the top of my hair. A gesture I used to find slightly demeaning, but I found it comforting now. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” I responded. “I’m glad to be home for the winter.””

“And who is this young lady?” Dad said, looking at Rin with a curious eye. “A friend of yours, son?”

“Um, sort of,” I said nervously, wondering how Dad would react to the news I’m about to give him. “This is Rin Tezuka...my girlfriend.”

“You never told me anything about a girlfriend,” Dad stated, though the look in his eyes told me that he wasn’t exactly surprised. He walked up to Rin, thankfully not giving her any sort of odd look before saying. “Greetings, I am Hiroki Nakai. It is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Miss Tezuka.”

“My name is Rin,” Rin said quietly, as if to herself. “You’re Hisao’s dad, which means you’re important to him. Like how my dad is to me.”

I can see Mom giving her a scrutinizing look again, though thankfully it’s from an angle where Rin can’t see her expression. However, Dad just seemed mildly amused at her less than normal response. “I would hope my own son is important to me, given how much I’ve provided for him.”

“You must be terribly tired, Hicchan,” Mom interjected, and I can’t help but notice she didn’t address Rin at all. “Why don’t you go to your room and unpack? Maybe take a hot shower while you’re at it, hm?”

“Yes, I suppose the journey here would make you a bit fatigued,” Dad agreed, turning to me and giving me a slight smile. “You’ll probably need to unpack for Rin as well, considering she’ll be staying in your room. We’ve already set up a futon there for her to sleep in, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Dear…” Mom sighed, glaring at him. Dad seemed to ignore her, motioning towards the stairs with his head. A sign that he wanted me upstairs, probably to talk with Mom about things in private. About Rin, most likely.

I carried our luggage upstairs, Rin following closely behind me. Opening a familiar blue door, I’m greeted by my old room. Much like many things since I’ve returned here, it felt as if nothing has changed since my departure. On the walls hang some posters Dad gave me, featuring famous baseball players, and at the end of the room was my desk with my old books stacked on top.

One thing that felt different was the bed, which was neatly made, instead of the mess I usually left it in, no doubt thanks to Mom. The addition of a light blue futon for Rin was also new.

“So...this is my room,” I announced to Rin as I placed our bags down on the floor, closing the door behind us.

“Mm...it doesn’t feel like a Hisao room, even though it is,” Rin noted before sitting on my bed, immediately lying down on it and completely ignoring the futon. “So it’s your room, but not really your room. Like a hammer you loaned to a friend and then got it back after it’s been used a lot.”

“Actually...yeah. It does feel like that,” I agreed as I opened my bag and started unpacking. “When I was a kid, this place used to be a lot messier. Mom probably cleaned up just before we arrived.”

“Your Mom…” Rin let that word hang in the air, sounding like she’s trying to find the right words to say. “She looked at me funny, except it’s more scary than funny. Like how someone is afraid of a clown even though they’re supposed to make you laugh.”

“That’s probably my fault,” I said as I took out my folded clothes and placed them on the bed away from her. “I was pretty vague with describing you when they called me, and I never said you were my girlfriend. All I said was that I wanted to bring you over and that you didn’t have arms, so they might have even thought you were a guy.”

“Mm...I’m not a guy though…” Rin muttered. “Why didn’t you tell them?”

“I was a bit afraid,” I said guiltily, recalling the conversation I had with my parents just before heading here, which I intentionally kept brief. “I didn’t know how’d they react to the fact that I have a girlfriend from Yamaku.”

“Are you ashamed of that?” Rin asked innocently, sounding completely unoffended despite the nature of the question. “Like how some people are ashamed they can’t do certain things right?”

“No, I’m not,” I answered firmly. I finished unpacking my clothes, then began pulling out my books, toiletries and medications. “It’s just...I don’t know what they expect from me coming back, so I didn’t really want to give them anything TO expect. I’m not the same person that I was when I left them, and I wasn’t sure if they’d understand that.”

“Mm, sounds like something I know. Like a food I like to eat a lot, so I remember how it tastes even if it looks different,” Rin noted blankly, which coming from her meant that I’d said something truly nonsensical. She sat up and looked at me, giving me a gentle smile. “Everything is going to be okay, Hisao.”

“Really?” I responded, surprised that she’d say that.

“I don’t know,” Rin admitted with a shrug, her smile quickly fading. “But I felt like I needed to say that to you. You said that to me before even though I never asked for it, and it always made me feel a little more okay inside, even when things aren’t really okay. So I wanted to try that, even though I’m not sure if everything is going to be ok.”

Despite my worries, I can’t help but feel a little bit touched when she gave me her reasoning. “I think I feel a little more okay too. Thank you, Rin.”

“Hisao, give me my sketchbook.” Rin asked politely. “I feel like drawing something, even though I don’t know what I want to draw. Like a writer not knowing what he’s going to write, but writing anyways.”

I stopped unpacking my stuff for a moment and opened up her bag, rummaging around until I found her sketchbook and a pencil, placing them right in front of her. She opened the sketchbook with her feet and started to draw.

Knowing I wasn’t going to get any more conversation out of her for the time being, I silently unpacked the rest of my things, along with Rin’s luggage that didn’t involve her undergarments, which I left in her luggage bag for the time being. In the meantime, my thoughts turned to my parents downstairs, wondering what they’re doing.

Or rather, what they’re saying. There’s little doubt in my mind they’re talking about Rin right now, and I have the sinking suspicion it isn’t joy that I finally brought home a girl I’m romantically interested in, at least on Mom’s end. My lack of a love life up until this point is something they’ve never really cared about, despite some mild teasing from my Dad about getting a suitable wife.

Turning back to the bed, I saw that Rin was still busy sketching away, her eyes completely glued to the book she’s drawing in. With nothing else to do, I took one of the books I brought and sat down on the swivel chair next to my desk, and began reading a novel that Hanako had recommended to me as a decent read.

As I read, I can’t help but occasionally glance at the sight of Rin drawing on the bed. My bed, which was a stark difference, at least to me. Every time I accompanied Rin to see her draw, it’s always either outside or at her dorm room. Never mine, which didn’t matter much to me, as I enjoyed spending time with her regardless of the location.

But with the fact that she’s in my room, my musings wandered to the fact that she’s actually going to be staying in my room. It was a logical choice, given our lack of a guest room and the fact that I’d heavily object to the idea of her sleeping on the couch, but it does highlight that for the next few days, we’ll be living together under the same roof.

Living together…my mind goes back to the festival, and the words I said to her on that dandelion field, and the promise I made those words come true.

“Once we graduate, let’s live together. We’ll have a home all to ourselves while you work towards becoming an artist.”

Just the thought brought a smile to my face, and I can almost visualize it in my head, much like she did back then. Coming home from college with her greeting me, or the other way around. Eating dinner together in the privacy of our home, and ending every night with her beside me.

“You’re thinking about something, Hisao,” Rin stated, still in the middle of sketching. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Just thinking about living together,” I replied. “I know I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but I’m already imagining it in my head. The two of us, in a cozy little apartment.”

“Mm, I was thinking of an apartment too. Not now, but back when I thought about living together.” Rin said. “Our minds were thinking the same thing, which is good. If we weren’t thinking the same thing about living together, we’d probably argue like people who argue whether chess or checkers is better, even though they’re different games.”

“You think so?” I snorted in amusement as I turned the page, my interest in the book slowly waning. “Well, an apartment is all we could probably afford anyways. But I was thinking that besides a living room, we’d have a room where we sleep, and a room where you can paint and store all your artwork.

“So a room for us, and a room for me…” Rin seemed to ponder that for a bit before answering. “What about a room for you? If there isn’t, wouldn’t the apartment be too much Rin and not enough Hisao? Like how a watermelon is more melon than water.”

“I’m fine with that.” I said, the image of our future residence growing stronger with each sentence. “Though if you really want it to be more Hisao, you can let me choose some of the furniture to place there.”

“Okay,” Rin replied in agreement. “I’m not good at picking furniture. I’m better at it than moving furniture, but it’s still not good. Like water being bad at turning into air during a rainy day, but even worse at turning into ice.”

“It probably won’t be anything much, honestly,” I admitted as I started to think of what to even buy for our hypothetical home. Despite Rin’s claims, I’ve never really been so independent as to buy my own furniture. “A bookshelf, probably, some tables and chairs, maybe a small TV and a couch, but otherwise I can’t really imagine it being filled to the brim with things.”

“I want a balcony…” Rin said. “Not now, but later. When we get a new place to stay, I want to seem to be able to touch the sky, even though you can’t really touch it. I want to lean back against the wall and look up at the stars, and then sleep there even though I really shouldn’t, like a cat who doesn’t sleep in its bed.”

“Sounds romantic…” I replied, putting the book down and imagining the two of us sitting on a cramped balcony, happy as can be. “I’ll make us something to drink while we look at the stars, and if it gets cold I’ll put a blanket around us.”

“The sounds warm,” Rin murmured out, smiling as well at the thought. “Not the hot kind of warm, the kind that you feel in your chest even though it’s not there. I’m done drawing, come look.”

I went back to the bed, sitting beside Rin and looking at what she sketched. What I see was a really accurate rendition of my face, smiling ever so slightly.

“I wanted to draw your body, but when I thought about drawing your chest I suddenly didn’t want to, like a person finding out the restaurant he’s going to is horrible because the food is all rotten.” Rin rambled before shaking her head a little, presumably to get back on track. “So I just drew your face from my memory. I think I always wanted to do this, though I’m not sure if I really did.”

“You wanted to draw my face?” I asked, looking at the picture more closely. Like all of Rin’s work, it was haunting in its nature despite the simplicity of it. It’s almost as if I’m looking at a twisted mirror, refusing to match my movements and simply content with sticking to one expression in perpetuity. “You see me every day, though.”

“I do,” Rin replied, nodding. “But I still wanted to draw your face. Even when you’re not around, I want to see your face even though I know I can’t. It’s like answering something you know is wrong, like two plus two equals five. And yet you still answer five because you want the answer to be five.”

Rin held the sketchbook with her feet, holding it closer to her face. “Now, I can see your face even if you’re not with me. Whenever I feel like I want you close by, even though you aren’t, I can just look at your face and pretend that you are.”

“Rin…” I didn’t know how to feel about what she said, and it looked as if she didn’t either. “I’m here, I’m close to you. You don’t need to pretend that we are…”

“I know.” Rin didn’t seem to want to talk anymore after that, and simply laid back down on the bed again, her feet placing the sketchbook on her chest.

“I think I’ll take a bath,” I said as I got up. “Then I’ll be right back, okay?”

I didn’t know why I felt I had to say that I’d be back, the fact being obvious to the both of us. And yet I felt like I needed to say that to her. Rin responded with a nod, her eyes closing. Picking up a new set of clothes along with a towel, I headed to my bathroom.

My bathroom was unsurprisingly unchanged, except for the addition of a couple of new conditioners and shampoos courtesy of my parents. Blue tiling on the walls, a decent sized sink, and the option of having either a quick shower or dip into the bathtub. I liked having the choice, especially compared to Yamaku where a shower was pretty much the only option.

Still, I felt like I shouldn’t keep Rin waiting long, so I simply decided to take a quick shower. It’s only in the middle of showering that I started to wonder what Rin meant by me not being around. The most obvious answer would be my condition, but at the same time she seemed to have forgotten it’s existence at this point.

Or perhaps, she only pretended to have forgotten it.

I emerged from the bathroom more troubled than I thought I’d be, and even more so when I saw that Rin was sitting up on the bed, looking right at me.

“I was waiting for you,” she said. “Even though I know you’re going to come back, I wanted to see you come out with my eyes. Like a man waiting for mail that he knows is going to come.”

“Rin…” I said, not knowing what to say.

“I don’t like this place,” Rin said in a mildly irritated tone. “I don’t know why, but I don’t. I wanted to nap while you were in there, but every time I tried to this room just dragged me out and forced my eyes to open. It’s supposed to be your room, but I feel like it doesn’t like me all that much…”

I went up to her, sitting beside her on the bed. She seemed to enjoy my presence as she immediately rested her head onto my shoulder, letting out a comforting sigh.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I brushed the top of her head. “I know you came here for my sake.”

“Help me sleep, Hisao. Even though it’s not time to sleep yet.” Rin requested as she nuzzled my neck gently, ignoring my apology. “Lay down with me and hold me, like we’re back at your room in Yamaku.”

“Alright,” I replied as she started to lay down again, and I laid down alongside her, the both of us facing one another. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, somehow feeling both relaxed and worried. “Rin…”

“Yes?” Rin closed her eyes, resting her head on my chest.

“Do you regret coming here with me?” I asked, closing my eyes as well.

Rin didn’t respond, and I was worried that she wasn’t going to answer, but eventually she did.

“No, I don’t,” she said softly, her voice barely audible. “You’re here, so I want to be here, even if I don’t like ‘here.’”

Content with her answer, I allow myself to sleep beside her, holding her close and letting our worries go for the time being.

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“Hicchan…”

The voice, while soft, was enough to wake me up in a rather unpleasant fashion. I didn’t know how much longer I’d slept but I definitely wanted it to last a little longer.

I opened my eyes and realized that Mom was looking at me, or perhaps us, with an unfamiliar expression on her face. It wasn’t angry, or even disapproving, it was...sad. Reluctantly, I slipped away from Rin a little before sitting up to face her more directly.

“Mom…” I said nervously. “Um...how long were we asleep for?”

“A few hours, Hicchan,” Mom said as she leaned on the wall, right next to the door. “It’s almost evening, and I was getting worried about what exactly you two were doing up here.”

“We didn’t do anything, I swear,” I quickly responded, feeling mildly embarrassed. “We were just sleeping together...wait, that came out wrong...we were just sleeping next to each oth-”

Mom held up her hands to silence me. “I know, Hicchan. I know. I just wanted to let you know that your father and I were discussing certain...subjects...while you were asleep. We’d like for you to join the discussion tonight, after dinner; he feels like treating you to something fancy tonight.”

I couldn’t help but grimace a bit by the way she emphasized it. Whatever she wanted to discuss, I had a feeling that it wasn’t going to be good.

“We’ll leave in twenty minutes,” She said before getting up, turning back to face me one last time before leaving. “Hicchan?”

“Yeah?” I responded, still feeling dreadful about things. Rin’s snoring only serves to make the mood a little more awkward than it already is.

“What exactly are your feelings towards her?” She asked gently, sounding as serious as I’ve ever heard her. “I know she’s your girlfriend but, where do you see yourself with her?”

“I can’t imagine my life without her, Mom,” I responded, as earnestly as I could. Her only response is to give me a solemn smile before exiting, making me feel even more grim than I already was. With that expression, it’s clear that Mom is at odds with the idea of me being in a long-term relationship with Rin.

“Mmh...Hisao?” Rin’s voice caught me by surprise and I looked down to see that her eyes were already wide open. “I couldn’t feel your arms around you, so I woke up. It’s like you’re a pill I need to sleep, except I hug you instead of swallowing you down my throat.”

“Sorry, Mom came in and I had to talk to her,” I responded, trying to downplay my apprehension. “Um...did you listen to our conversation?”

“I heard you two saying some words, but I don’t know what words they are,” Rin explained as she sat up, looking mildly irritated that she’s awake. “Should I have listened to that conversation, Hisao?”

“No, it’s not really important,” I responded after a bit of silence, feeling awful for lying to her. “She told me we’re going out to dinner in twenty minutes, so you probably want to have a shower before we go.”

“Okay…” Rin said absentmindedly, getting off the bed and standing up. “But I don’t think I can wash my body all by myself. Can you help me, Hisao? Like how Emi and Miki helped me, except you’re a boy and they’re not.”

She asked that so innocently that I was almost oblivious to the fact that she was asking me to shower with her. Rin stared at me with waiting eyes, expecting an answer. I let out a sigh and nodded, which she seemed to appreciate as she gave me a subdued smile before heading to the bathroom.

I couldn’t help but think about that short exchange with Mom, how she looked so torn before leaving. No matter what, that inevitable conversation was probably going to leave both of us at odds with one another.

I made sure I locked the door before heading to the bathroom, where Rin was already sitting down, in the process of taking off her clothes. If nothing else, an intimate moment with her would hopefully take my mind off things, at least for the time being.

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“Ah, well I’m glad you had a great Culture Day,” Dad said as the traffic light turned red, forcing him to stop the car. “You never liked that day back in your old school.”

“Didn’t I?” I mentioned, unable to recall any memory where I specifically showed disdain for that particular holiday.

“Well, it was more the fact that you hated having to do anything to contribute,” Mom noted, seeming to remember it better than I did. “Aside from soccer, you were rather apathetic about most things. Your grades were perfectly fine, but you just didn’t seem to have the drive to do anything else, even your own chores sometimes.”

“Oh...I guess I don’t remember that part all that well,” I said, feeling mildly embarrassed by my younger self. “I’d like to think I’m more responsible now after living on my own.”

“I’d hope so,” Dad teased as the light turned green, allowing us to move again. “Or I’ll never hear the end of it from your mother. She isn’t the only one who suffers whenever you get lazy. I had to hear about it whenever I was done with work.”

All of us let out a bit of laughter at that. All of us except Rin, who seemed content with staring out the window. She’d been like that ever since we got in the car, not even attempting any sort of conversation with my parents. I wondered if she simply found them too hard to talk to, or she was simply afraid because they’re my parents.

As fun as it was to reminisce a little with Mom and Dad, her silence was getting more and more noticeable with each passing second.

Dad seems to notice it as well, as his next question was directed at Rin. “Do you like Western food, Rin? That’s what we’ll be eating tonight. It’s a really good place, one of the best in the city.”

Rin finally seemed to break out of her own little bubble as she turned to look at the driver’s seat. Her brows furrowed slightly, and she seemed to take a deep breath before finally replying.

“It’s okay,” she said in a tone that’s very much not like her, completely devoid of emotion or personality. I expected her to go on some tangent about how Western food isn’t actually made in the West, but she seemed to settle on that short and concise answer.

“Do you have any interests?” This time it’s Mom who asked, though her tone was less casual and far more prying.

“Painting,” Rin answered, looking back at the window, and the city outside. “And drawing.”

“So you’re an artist…” Mom noted, and I wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Did she approve? Disapprove? Her tone and the fact that I couldn’t see her face was made it hard to guess. “So you plan to go to art college, I assume?”

“Yes…” Rin replied, maintaining that same monotone voice. She isn’t acting like her usual self, something I realized was deliberate on her part. Perhaps she thinks that talking ‘normally’ would go over better with my parents.

I almost wanted to grab her by the shoulders and tell her that she could speak however she wanted, but I knew that wasn’t going to work and would only serve to unnerve her even further, so I decided not to comment on it.

“Do you have a phone, Rin?” Mom asked as the car took a hard turn left. This caused Rin, who wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, to slide over towards me. She immediately scooted back to her position, not even bothering to look at me. “Can you use one? Given your...”

“Dear…” Dad said, sounding mildly exasperated, cutting her off before she could even finish that sentence. I couldn’t have been more thankful to him than at that moment.

“No,” Rin admitted, and what followed was possibly the most awkward silence I had ever experienced.

Mercifully, we arrived at the restaurant not long after that. Mom, Rin, and I got out of the car while Dad went to find parking. As we walked, I placed an arm around Rin’s shoulders, trying to make it clear that I was here for her. Once again, there was no reaction from her, which worried me to no end.

Turning to Mom, I could see her giving us a solemn look again, and I could feel my frustration at her growing. Playing coy with her opinions on Rin, negative or not, was really testing my patience with her. But I remained calm, because the last thing Rin needed was for me to blow up right in front of her.

We entered the restaurant, which was full of people dining and conversing. The windows were adorned with red silk curtains, the floor was carpeted with intricate patterns of black and white, and the lighting was bright enough to see, yet dim enough to have a sense of ambience. There was even music playing, a soft piano piece that was easy on the ears.

The place was definitely what I would consider a high-class restaurant, though perhaps to a more wealthy person it would be just be considered a cheaper version of the real thing.

A waiter guided the three of us to a table in the back corner, and I took my seat beside Rin and opposite Mom. Once again, there was nothing but silence as Rin looked around the restaurant with a curious gaze.

Some of the customers here were looking right back at her, noticing her lack of arms. I gave them an angry glare, and they promptly went back to eating their dinners.

“I was lucky that someone was just about to leave as I pulled up,” Dad said, announcing his arrival before sitting down beside Mom. “Alright, let’s decide what we’re going to have.”

Despite the fact that I didn’t have much of an appetite, I opened the menu and browsed through it. Rin leaned her head closer to me to see the menu as well, and I took the opportunity to quickly whisper to her. “Are you okay?”

“Am I not okay?” Rin whispered back. “Do you not think I’m okay? Do your parents think I’m not okay? It’s like trying to find out how to make grass red, or how to make water green.”

“Rin…” I didn’t know how to answer that. After all this time, I thought I had at least some idea about whatever analogy or tangent she could possibly say, and yet I was completely clueless as to what she was trying to say. “What do you want me to do? Let me help you.”

“Then let me not be Rin for now,” she answered, despite the fact that she grimaced at that statement. “I’m still Rin, except I won’t really be. I’ll just be a Rin that can talk to your parents and then eat dinner and then go back and sleep. Like a wall painting itself blue so that it can be part of the sky.”

“Have you two decided what you’re going to order yet?” Mom’s voice causes Rin to jerk away from me, looking straight at her. “Your father and I have already decided, Hicchan.”

“I’ll have what Hisao is having,” Rin answered, once again responding in an unnaturally concise way. Mom and Dad turned to look at me, and I immediately fumbled with the menu, trying to find something that I’d like that would also be easy for Rin to eat.

“U-Uh...I’ll have pasta,” I said. Dad called the waiter and gave him our orders. Soon after, another waiter came and poured each of us a glass of water, asking if Rin would like a straw. In an effort to calm myself, I quickly took my glass and drank it, but unfortunately it did very little besides quenching my thirst.

“So, Rin…” Dad began. “How are your grades? Did you do well on exams?”

“I skipped my exams,” Rin said after a pause, her voice flat and emotionless. “I had to take supplementary classes.”

Dad and Mom exchanged a look, and I almost tried to explain things before remembering that it would mean bringing up the gallery. Desperate as I was to improve my parent’s view of Rin, I wasn’t willing to use that memory as a way to do so.

“I’ve been helping her study,” I said instead. “We’ve been having study groups with some of our classmates, trying to improve our chances at finals.”

“Ah, that’s good to hear,” Dad responded. “It’s nice to know you have a social circle, Hisao. After you looked so sullen at the hospital, we were worried if you were going to isolate yourself further while you were at Yamaku.”

“I did start out that way,” I admitted, recalling my first days in Yamaku. “But some people convinced me not to. That I could make a new life there, with new friends. Rin did a lot to help me out in that regard.”

“Is that so?” Dad raised his eyebrow, looking at the both of us with curiosity before turning to Rin. “Well then, thank you for making my son happy, Rin.”

“You’re welcome. I want him to be happy,” Rin answered, sounding stilted but otherwise genuine in her desire to see me happy. Despite my discomfort at the fact that she’s changing how she is, the fact that she’s doing it for my sake is touching.

However, Mom seemed to remain unconvinced, still looking at us with a neutral expression. It was a natural look for someone like Dad, but coming from Mom it just came off as very...secretive.

“So, Rin,” Mom said, looking right at her. “Have you ever lived on your own before?”

“No,” Rin answered simply, looking as if she just wanted to turn away from Mom’s gaze, but refusing to.

“Can you take care of yourself?” This time the question was actually delivered with a hint of empathy. “If you were to be by yourself, that is?”

“I don’t want to be by myself,” Rin stated before shaking her head slightly and answering properly. “I think I can. I can do a lot of things with my feet, like eating. I can also change my clothes, even though it’s hard.”

That answer didn’t seem to satisfy Mom, who simply nodded before looking away from her. Rin also decided to look away, and I saw Dad giving me a sympathetic look.

Our food finally arrived as the waiter placed our meals down in front of us. Mom and Dad immediately started to eat, and I decided to do so as well. The food was admittedly very good, despite the fact that I wasn’t in the mood to fully enjoy it.

Unfortunately, as I was eating, something happened that completely spoiled whatever enjoyment I had for the food.

Mom and Dad stared at Rin as they ate, refusing to turn away. Specifically, they were looking at her eating, leaning back on the chair and picking up a pair of fork with her toes.

And they weren’t the only ones staring at her. As I looked around, I saw some of the customers and even the staff glance over at Rin, watching her eat with her feet. I could even see a few people pointing at her. Some looked with curiosity, some looked in awe, and some looked on in disgust.

No matter what the reason, the fact that they were staring at all was enough to tick me off. Rin seemed oblivious to all the people looking at her, or at least I hoped so. I couldn’t imagine how nerve wracking it would be to have that kind of attention upon her.

It was in that moment that I fully realized that Yamaku’s attitude towards people with disabilities was an isolated one. That what passed for everyday occurrences there was far more intriguing to the world outside of it, and that some people would not hesitate to look upon it like it was an attraction at the circus.

And among those people were my parents. I gave them a look that made it clear I didn’t approve of the fact that they’re staring at her, though I tried my best not to look angry. They seemed to get the message as they quickly looked away from Rin after that, looking ashamed.

Still, that’s only two out of who knows how many stares. I looked at Rin, who was quietly eating her pasta, seemingly oblivious to her surroundings. I wondered if she was truly unaware, or if she was merely pretending to be. Either way, it felt like she was being singled out as ‘different’ from the entire restaurant, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

The rest of the dinner was mostly silence, even after we finished our meals. When the bill was paid and we made our way towards the exit, there were still people who stared at Rin as she walked by them. I could hear whispers and murmurs about her, which made me clench my fist.

Despite the good food, I was relieved when we left that place, as I felt nothing but anger and contempt towards the people inside.

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The drive home was even more awkward than the drive out, with barely any conversation. When we did get home, Rin went upstairs without a word, leaving me to deal with my parents. Mom headed to the kitchen, leaving me and Dad sitting in the living room, waiting for the inevitable conversation to happen when she finally emerged.

“So…” Dad said awkwardly. “I know you’re mad at your Mom at me for staring at her.”

“Just a little,” I admitted. “Is it really that distracting to you? That you’re seeing someone eat with their feet?”

“Well, yes,” Dad gave me a serious look, though not an angry one. “You have to realize that we haven’t been through the same things you have. I know you’re used to it since she’s your girlfriend, but for us it’s something we haven’t seen before until now. Assuming you’ll continue to bring her home, I’m sure we’ll get used to it.”

“Assuming I’ll continue to bring her home?” I raised my eyebrow at that implication. “As opposed to…”

Dad stayed silent for a bit, probably because he knew that this conversation would get heated if he answered. Mom finally entered the room, setting down a tray with four cups of hot chocolate on the table.

“Just something to keep you warm,” She said in a motherly tone before sitting down beside Dad, who promptly put an arm over her shoulder.

“Thanks,” I said as I took a cup, sipping it. “For making four of them.”

“Of course. She’s a guest here, Hicchan,” Mom responded as she took her own cup and sipped it. “Once we’re done talking, you can take it up to her.”

“Talking about…?” I asked rhetorically. We all knew what this discussion was going to be about.

“Hicchan…” Mom said, sounding as serious as Dad was. “I need you to promise me not to be angry, alright? I know you won’t agree with what I’m going to say, but I want you to know it’s because I love you, and because I want what’s best for you. Can you promise me that?”

I stayed silent, looking at my parents. They looked nervous as they awaited my answer, and I sighed and nodded in response. We might be a little distant, but they’re still the people who raised me from birth and gave me a stable and happy childhood. I couldn’t be angry at them, at least not in any serious manner.

“So…” I said, wanting to be the one who initiated this conversation. “Are you two...mad that I brought Rin here?”

“What? No, Hicchan…” Mom responded. “We wish you hadn’t hidden that fact that she’s your girlfriend from us, but we liked that you brought someone home. It shows that you’ve grown close to people in Yamaku.”

“Then…” I swallowed hard before continuing my question, knowing how accusatory it’ll sound. “Do you not like Rin, Mom?”

She stayed silent at that, and Dad answered. “She’s certainly not who I expected your future girlfriend to be, son. But I don’t hate her, if that’s what you’re asking. And neither does your mother.”

“Your father is right, Hicchan,” Mom added. “We’re sorry we stared at her during dinner, and if it felt like we made her uncomfortable. But it just feels like she doesn’t want to be here, you know? That she doesn’t seem to want to talk to us.”

Suddenly, I felt guilty for being so frustrated with them. It’s clear that they’re trying to accommodate Rin, and they’re having a hard time getting used to her. Still, there’s definitely something that they’re not telling me.

“But, Hicchan…” Mom said in a low voice, almost a whisper. “I don’t believe you should see her, at least not for too long. If you say that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with Rin, then that’s where I have to say...no.”

And there it was, the thing I feared the most coming here. Her disapproval of our relationship, and the desire to see it end. The worst possible scenario was now no longer a worry in the back of my mind, but it’s now the reality that I’m currently dealing with.

As I looked into Mom’s eyes, I could tell she was going to be adamant about this. She wasn’t going to change her stance, and she certainly wasn’t going to drop the subject.