I’ve been busy the past few months with a lot of heavy shit, so I have a bit of a backlog,

but to paraphrase Philip Brooks:

“O, do not pray for an easy life. Pray to be a stronger man!”

So, without further ado, here is the OKC Primer.

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Step 1: Sign up for A-list.

A-list costs anywhere from $5-15/mo., depending on how many months you buy in advance. It may be costly depending on your budget, but it is a price I highly recommend you to pay for unbeatable results.

Why?

It lets you do various important things. You have a 5000 message inbox. While this may seem like a lot, this includes both messages you receive as well as send. Since volume is the most important part of online dating, all of the game you’ve learned up to this point is all for naught if you don’t actually get to meet the girl in real life. You may not fill your 5000 message inbox anytime soon, but you will definitely fill the 300 message inbox the free account allots you.

In addition to this, you also have more filters you can use to find matches. This is very important if you want quality matches. Particularly, the ability to filter results by their attractiveness rating and body-type. Here is an example:

Step 2: Answer Match Questions Honestly

You have to accept two things. One, you will inevitably meet girls. Don’t fear scarcity. You will meet girls – a lot of girls. But you aren’t going to have success if you aren’t compatible with them. I don’t mean all of that arbitrary idiosyncrasy shit that rom-com’s harp on when it comes to finding your “soul-mate”, which is a bullshit notion of which you should eradicate all traces of in your head. I mean you aren’t going to bring your A-game to a date with a girl who hates gay people or who is just an idiot.*

*But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go on dates with girls who may be incompatible with you. At the very least, you will gain reference experience and sharpen your saw. This got me through a date with a gross, landwhale who reeked of cigarettes and body odor when I naively, but “for science”, used the blind date feature for a date I set up at a venue I already was at for a different date.

How many questions should I answer?

You should answer enough to have a maximum of at least 95%. I think my maximum match% is 96% with someone, and I answered about 260 questions. They’re primarily questions about sex and dating, because the rest are arbitrary and useless (but occasionally fun). A lot of girls join specifically for the questions so you will see girls who are on their 3000th question. Don’t do this.

I sort my matches by match%. Once you’ve set your filters for what you’re looking for in terms of age, body type, rating, height, race, etc. You’ve pretty much gotten rid of any girl who you’d find physically unattractive. So the next filter is naturally her personality. I message every girl down the list until I get to 79-69%. It’s a pretty good indicator of first-date success, and girls really do pay attention to match%.

Step 3: Show Your Best Self

You can use the handy “my best face” feature to have a crowd-sourced straw-poll of which pictures of yours are the best. I don’t always agree with them, but I’ve used the same photos multiple times over a couple of months and their scores have been consistent so I think it’s a good objective indicator of which pictures to use.

But they aren’t that important.

Having exceptionally good pictures will get you a couple of things, like girls who initiate by either quickmatch, visiting you, or sending you a message.

But if you are reading this, you are the type of person who is proactive so you will be taking the initiative at all times anyway. So don’t worry too much about how pretty you look.

As for the content of your profile. Style over substance. You aren’t displaying your resume or bio-data. If you are a professional, don’t be afraid to mention it at risk of seeming too vanilla. But don’t rely on it. You are there to show them how amazing you are, not to tell them.

Don’t worry too much about the content of your profile either. Different things work for different people. I can’t write anyone else’s profile. I can critique them, however. Avoid being wordy, and avoid explaining yourself. Simply display yourself, unabashed. You will be tweaking your profile in bits and pieces over the course of however long you continue doing this. The best profile is developed in a piece-meal fashion.

Just like your best self.

Step 4: Develop a Good Opener(s), and Send; repeat ad infinitum

Once you’ve done all of the previous steps, this is all you have to do.

The meat of online dating is simply volume. In fact, it can be argued that that’s the heart of the game – every game. Simply gain reference experience. It is crucial to ingrain in yourself an abundance mentality. What more simple way to do this than to have actual abundance.

Get to the matches page. Go down the list, hold control (or middle click), and click on every profile that comes up until you get to the lower matches. Like I said in step 2, they will all be pre-selected as attractive (if they aren’t, adjust your filters) so you don’ t even have to look at their thumbnails. You should have a bunch of windows with profiles opened, and from there just click “send message”, ctrl+v, hit “send”, ctrl+w, and repeat.

Don’t read their profile at this stage. Only read their profile once they have responded and you can get a better idea for who you are going to meet. But at this stage, most will not message you back so it is pointless to know everything about them if they aren’t going to message you.

Some people disagree with this method and prefer to read their profiles and generate a customized opener for them.

This simply does not work. It may work a few times and you may have had success with it, but these times are exceptions to the rule and cannot be sound advice to those who want results. You can only get better with women, you can’t get better with a woman.

You can find your perceived “soul-mate” and actually be truly compatible with her and generate the perfect opener hitting on all of the key elements of her profile to find out what moves her existentially…

and she may just think you’re too ugly, or brown.*

*has happened to me many times. Nothing you can do, on to the next one.

The battle between generic opener and personalized opener has been fought, and generic won ever since the industrial revolution and the idea of interchangeable parts. Don’t be a fool, be a spambot.

With that said, have a good fucking opener. Don’t say stupid shit like “hi i’m james” or “you’re pretty.” Luckily, online dating is the next stage of natural selection where intelligence, wit, and wordplay become the language of interaction. People always ask me for an example of an opener, and when I’ve divulged this information I’ve had people literally use my opener verbatim and it’s lead to repercussions I do not want to repeat.*

*My profile was banned because so many others started using the same opener and I was considered to be just another spambot. If you are the only one using the opener, you can spam as much as you want without getting banned. It’s pretty important not to be banned when you have paid for the account.

But here is an example of a now-retired opener I’ve had an immense amount of success with this past summer:

“i just stared at your profile for 30m trying to figure out how to get you to say “take me now, daddy” and this is the most i’ve had to work for a girl.”

It was very effective. It was also very polarizing. It doesn’t have to be polarizing. My opener now isn’t polarizing at all and works well. Your openers will also be piece-meal, so just let your creativity surge and try different things out. I think it’s good to have a couple that you use, I know Gab likes to use 2-3. I like to just use one as a diamond drill-bit and minimize time between sending messages.

Step 5: Meet her IRL ASAP

Some of these girls will respond to your opener. Congratulations, the hard part is over as your foot is in the door. You’ve piqued her curiosity and separated yourself from the vast chaff that her inbox is full of. She’s most likely viewed your profile, and has put together an idea of who you are and already knows more about you than if she responded to you at a bar because you can’t really ignore people in real life as easily as you can online.

She will respond with something, depending on the type of opener you sent. You can (but don’t have to) respond directly to her response, but don’t spend too much time on messages. Online dating is just a way to IRL date when you can’t IRL date (like as a study break, or night cap at the end of your day. You shouldn’t be spending all of your time on this). Go for logistics ASAP. For the second message (your response to her response to your opener, aka the second message you send the same girl) get logistics down. I ask her her name and where she lives. I ask this regardless of whether she mentioned her name in her profile, and regardless of the location that is visibly set on her profile. You want her to introduce herself and tell you herself. Plus, if she lives in Brooklyn for example, I ask where in Brooklyn. You want to meet girls close to you, and you should know what neighborhood they live in to make this as smooth as possible when you pick a place to get drinks with her.

I go for the IRL meet-up on my second or third message, and rarely send any more than that. You don’t want to meet girls who don’t intend to meet anyone, and if she hesitates at all then you should move on to the next one. There’s a match question that you should set mandatory, and it’s the one that asks “How willing are you to meet someone from OKC in real life?” and it should be “Very willing!” You joined to meet people, don’t waste any time with people who want to be pen-pals or some shit. Like I said, you have complete abundance so move on whenever you want. This should be smooth.

When I go for the IRL meetup, I pretty much say this.

“Let’s get drinks, I’m 555-555-5555. text me your name”

You will be good with any variation of this, but I like to use these specific words for a few reasons.

“Let’s get …” is better than “Do you want to get … ?”

Tonality. You don’t want your tone to lilt upwards, which question marks do. You are not not seeking rapport.

“I’m 555-555-5555” is better than “what is your number?”

Tonality again, but also shows how comfortable you are with giving your number and moving directly to phone communication (text game is also simply logistics – you go for the IRL meetup at all times).

“text me your name”* is god-tier. It is a compliance building step, which is crucial to game. You must have her invest in you. She has to take that extra step to meet you. You are a person with whom she will schedule a time to meet, and expend energy to look good for and mentally prepare to enjoy her time with. It’s emotional investment. It isn’t important if you just want a date, but it is important if you want a successful date – and later, a successful relationship if that is what you want.

*There is one side-effect of this. Once you start getting good at this, you will have a bunch of texts from girls who just tell you their name and you will have no idea which profile they are. There is a reason I call this a “side-effect” and not a “drawback”, because you have already filtered girls in such a way that all of them will be both physically attractive to you and compatible with you personality-wise. You also should not waste your time reading their profiles. This is something you absolutely can do. I just don’t want you to psyche yourself out by spending an excessive amount of time endlessly reading their profile. You should bring your A-game to every single one of these dates, so it shouldn’t matter. If you are worried about asking them things that they already mentioned on their profiles, don’t be. It’s fucking weird to show up to a date knowing everything about the person and citing specific details from their profile. Don’t suck the excitement out of meeting a pretty girl for a first date. Treat it as a new experience, and genuinely wonder what she’s like. First dates are one of my favorite things to do. Like opening, I like it better than sex.*

*I do love sex though.

Also, once you get to the point where pretty girls are texting you throughout the day you are as abundant as a pretty girl who is being texted by guys throughout the day. A pretty girl’s text inbox is like our email inboxes. It’s flooded with shit all the time. Think about what that does to your sense of self-worth and entitlement. You want that. It’s a trip. It’s abundance.

Once you meet her IRL, that’s where online dating game ends and real life game begins.

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I dedicate this primer to Nelson Mandela who recited William E. Henley’s poem Invictus to himself everyday during his 27 year imprisonment, as well as to other prisoners. Invictus is latin for “Unconquerable”, and Mr. Mandela was empowered by its message of self-mastery. Goodnight, sweet prince.