Let’s take a look at each of the questions and try to find some answers. First, why did my birth mother abandon me? In my case I simply have no idea. She may have been raped or been the victim of incest or conceived me out of wedlock and couldn’t take care of me by herself or accidentally conceived me and chose not to raise me. The possibilities are endless and since I have chosen never to find her the answer will have to remain a mystery.

Why didn’t my birth mother love me? Who says she didn’t? The act of going through labor and then giving me up for adoption may have been a significant act of love. I cannot put myself in her shoes because I did not know her; I have no idea what circumstances led to the adoption so how can I possibly make a judgment about whether she loved me or not?

Was it my fault that I was given up? Let’s be real for a minute: how could a child just born be at fault for anything? What, I cried too much that first day? I made a mess in my diapers and because of that was instantly to blame? As silly as those two instances sound many of us still harbor thoughts that somehow it was our fault for something we had done which led to the adoption.

Am I unlovable? This, my friends, is a biggie and for many of us (at the very least for me) this question stayed with me and haunted me for years. The thinking goes something like this: if mothers by their very nature instinctively love their children then there must have been something in me that led my birth mother to give me up. She must have sensed that I was damaged goods or a bad seed or would turn into trouble along the way and that negated the natural motherly love and led to my adoption.

As silly as these questions may seem to those of you who have never been adopted I promise you that they are constantly lurking in the subconscious of adopted kids; and as illogical as they may seem to be they are still very real and troubling.

I was raised in an incredibly loving home. My adopted parents gave me as much love as I could ever ask for and not once in my time with them did I feel as though I were a burden or that I was receiving less love than anyone else in the family. I never lacked for anything and the lessons they taught me about love and family have stayed with me a lifetime. They were supportive of me in my every endeavor…..and yet those nagging feelings of unworthiness were always lurking.



