WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — A new poll released Thursday reveals that a broad majority of Americans describe themselves as “deeply unhappy” to have been reminded that the former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin exists.

Palin’s call for the impeachment of President Obama, a ploy to remind people that she still roams the earth, appears to have backfired, the poll shows.

With seventy-two per cent of respondents saying that they were “upset” or “very upset” to be reminded of her existence, Palin is one of three non-officeholders whose recent utterances have traumatized Americans.

According to the poll, eighty-one per cent were upset to be reminded that Ann Coulter exists, while a hundred per cent felt that way about the existence of the former Vice-President Dick Cheney.

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Photograph by Justin Sullivan/Getty.