Why do we like to curse? I’ve addressed this topic twice before, the last time in 2013. All I can say is, “My, how things have changed!”

So I wanted to revisit this topic in 2018, when it’s appropriate in the context of presenting and communicating in a business context, and when it’s not. You might be surprised…

In 2013, while these words were prevalent in interpersonal discourse, they were quite rare in public. Newspapers would not publish them, instead describing the words with inoffensive terminology. In fact, when I commented on this then, I mentioned that millennials and Gen Xers seemed less shy about using them than Boomers. Well, Voilà! These young people are now solidly in the workforce, bosses, even, and our ears have become more attuned to hearing these words. Naturally, using them doesn’t feel as wrong as it used to.

I actually studied this phenomenon in grad school. Here is what I learned then, way back in the early 90s: Saying bad words is a rhetorical device that human beings have invented and it’s done in every language and every culture. Originally and in many cases today, we use them to vent, to let off steam. It can be a harmless thing, such as when someone just dinged your car and you say, “sh*t!” It can be harmful if you use these terms to berate another person. Or tell that other driver he is a “f*¢#ing” idiot (which he might be, but it doesn’t help your case).

Now, I am a true potty mouth and everybody who knows me well knows it. But I am also careful about where and when I use these terms.

In 2013 I told you I didn’t use them in presentations because it wasn’t part of my brand. However, as of 2017, I do use them but only in certain situations and in certain ways. So the first consideration is my audience. What do I think they can tolerate and beyond that, would using a swear word help them relate to me more? So last fall I did a big presentation at an event populated by generally younger marketing people, so I figured saltier language would work. It did. It got a big laugh.

In another presentation, it was an older, more conservative group, so instead of saying “what the f*¢k,” I said “what the F.” Got a big laugh. People actually seem to relax. Also, in case you didn’t know, that’s the most popular curse word, by far!

Another cue is if one of the organizers uses these words in front of the audience I’m going to be speaking to. Then I’ve been given permission and I know adding to it will fit.

Now, when do I avoid using them? Always when meeting clients for the first time, as well as when speaking to ultra-conservative type groups, though as the younger generations mature into the C-suite, those are becoming less and less conservative, at least when it comes to this issue. I stick to this rule even if the client says these words. Once I get to know a client, then I may insert a word here or there. I take my cues.

Which is really what this is about, being able to read cues, both historical and immediate. Regarding those speeches, in neither case did it hurt me with the audience or the organizers. In fact it helped me and here’s why: It really is part of who I am. And whether they like your choice of words, if you show up real and genuine, they’ll like you.