People who comment on news websites are so stupid. Who would even comment on a news story… and by that I mean they should do it on Twitter and Reddit with all us clever folk.

Anyway, this is part II of my Considered Reply To Beer Article Comments. The first received roughly four or five favourites on twitter, so you know it was lit. Here is today’s story if you would like to read along at home.

Let’s start at the bottom… hahaha that could be a metaphor for this exercise. It isn’t though. That’s just how News.com.au structures comments.

“I Can’t Beer It” (oh a beer pun, how bloody clever) laments the loss of real men.

Rest In Peace VB. You were popular with old and younger generations too until a generation of wussies came along that liked to dress like hipsters, wear girly tight pants, took party drugs and who drank light ‘beer’ with coffee, chocolate and berries added into it. Real men didn’t do this crap or complain about the taste of beer….they just drank it. Boutiques are for women. Boutique Beer is for soft guys. VB is dying because men got soft. A sad reflection of current Australia.

This fella just misses a time when it was all “real men”. No boutique beer made for women, nor “soft guys”. The death of VB is definitely because there are no hard men anymore. Don’t worry mate, I know it’s 2016 and you can’t actually say it, so I’ll say it for you… these hipsters are a bunch of poofs. Why can’t straight blokes just be left to drink in peace with other hard men?

Honestly, a tight pant drug party; with chocolate, berry and coffee beer sounds pretty fucking dope to me.

Colin Wilkinson by name, pithy comments by nature:

Fire take, Colin. Fire take.

John from Melbourne has to be some sort of scientist or something. He has it all worked out.

“Hello future President Donald Trump, I know you still need an economic policy… have you heard of this guy John?”

Mete is one “or else” away from making a really bizarre threat:

I smoked a ton of brands, then quit. Anecdotal yes, better commentary than Mete? Also yes.

You can’t say mike j isn’t up to date with current comedy:

I expected to be told it’s Donald Trump’s fault. Missed opportunity

A Donald Trump joke? How original.

Ronald McFonald tries to take a fair, down the line approach. A classic showing of Aussie mateship… or is it?

Dave Dobbyn? I think ol’ Ronny Mcfonz just outed himself as a kiwi. Not sure who he thinks he is – throwing shade at Aussies when he can’t even pronounce “fish and chips” right.

Brenton of Melbourne somehow makes this about immigration and let’s face it, is probably a bit racist.

Probably all those bloody gay kiwis.

R. Davis of Vic is playing way too fast and loose with his identity. I hope he is covering his tracks with this behind the curtain look at BIG PHARMA:

One could imagine that yeah. One would be a bit paranoid. But one could still imagine.

annie just wanted to humble brag about going to wine school. La-di fucking da:

what a load of bs. ive been around alcohol and heavy drinkers my whole life, ive done wine school and still keep up with trends etc. this story is utter crap. almost everyone i know loves vb and its recently enjoyed a new image and resurgance to the trendy and even just the pensioner. trying to conrtol cultural trends through disinformation is not acceptable news.com. plus i ask, where do you get your stats and info. im calling bullshit on this story.

She also didn’t read past the first paragraph so it has to be a disinformation campaign. Her sources are iron clad too; she knows heaps of people who drink VB. I wonder if she’s heard of BIG PHARMA

This is ignoring the fact there is literally an ad for VB at the top of the article. If I was trying to control cultural trends, I wouldn’t put the other side’s marketing right at the fucking top of the story. I would probably cherry pick some comments and sarcastically mock them on my website…

With a name like “Drugs over Beer” I thought me and this commenter were probably going to have a lot in common. Because I love tight-pant drug parties. However it’s just some boring thing about skinfolds:

Hangon, is this comment implying athletes used to drink beer to pass skinfold tests? Because if that’s the case then switching to drugs would definitely be more effective. Good-form, Aussie athletes.

MC Huffypuff of Mt Pritchard legit out-satires my feeble attempts.

Not even being sarcastic. That is fucking genius. Respect.

For making a comment comprised of 90% utter garbage, Boutique LOL surprisingly gets at least one thing right.

Look through untappd checkins and you know the bolded part is 100% accurate.

Meanwhile, anyone know where I can get some deconstructed biscuits made with South American weed? Because if that’s a thing, then I am there. Would defs instagram the shit out of it in the Uber home.

In summary, these comments show the the beer industry, including commentators, should really focus on the positives. A negative perception problem plagues the industry and holds back a lot of positive growth. If there was more constructive discourse in the news, blogs and on social media maybe people so anti-craft beer might be turned around. If you made it this far and have a platform to help influence these perceptions, I encourage you to think about ways you can make a positive and constructive difference…