David Price is on the DL because he’s hurt.

He’s not on the DL because he can be an asshole. He’s not on the DL because the Boston media is tough. He’s not on the DL because of what you tweeted at him or yelled at him from the bleachers. He’s on the DL because his elbow isn’t functioning properly. If you honestly think otherwise, maybe someday we can get a beer and you can tell me all about how you were rooting for O’Doyle the first time you watched Billy Madison.

But let’s pretend for a second that this isn’t the case. Let’s pretend David Price is on the DL because Felger and Mazz and Jonny from Southie and Cousin Sal and every swaggering 19-year-old dude in your eighth grade class who wore a wife-beater and earrings says he’s a p*ssy. Let’s say Price is on the DL because you broke him.

Why the hell are you proud of that?

Why do you want your city to be a place that professional athletes have to think twice about coming to? To be a part of a place notorious for having asshole fans and asshole media? What part of this reputation that you’ve given Red Sox fans and Boston makes you happy?

You don’t hate David Price because you think he’s faking an injury. You don’t truly believe that, with a half-game lead in a very tight AL East race, the Red Sox are going to sit their second-best starter and highest-paid player so he doesn’t get booed at home. You don’t really think the guy who started the season six weeks late is faking having the exact same injury eight weeks later. You don’t think a guy who probably wants to pitch well so he can opt out of his contract and get out of this hellscape of an environment is gonna fake a boo-boo right now. You don’t think Red Sox ownership is going to risk missing out on all the extra revenue that comes from making the playoffs to spare David Price’s feelings. If you do, maybe you’re not mean. Maybe you’re just stupid.

You don’t hate David Price because he’s overpaid, either. And if you do, well, read up (if you can) about how free agency works. Pretty much every veteran is overpaid, because baseball artificially restricts young players’ salaries. Would you rather that money sit in John Henry’s multi-billion-dollar pockets, anyway? The beer and hot dog prices in Fenway aren’t going down if the Red Sox don’t sign David Price. You’re not getting that money one way or another, so why would you rather it go to the old billionaire (who you probably complain doesn’t spend enough) than the athlete who’s actually putting on the show?

You don’t even hate David Price because of his performance, because you know he’s tried. He’s not Pablo Sandoval gaining weight and giving up, or Manny leaving the bat on his shoulders, or John Lackey asking for a trade. Price is in shape. He led the league in IP last year; that’s probably part of the reason he’s hurt. He’s produced, even if not up to the level you were hoping. Price has many faults, but lack of effort/caring has never been one of them.

Maybe you hate David Price because he says stupid shit and seems like a bad sport, and if that’s the case, congrats, you’ve picked the right reason to hate David Price, and this rant isn’t aimed at you. He was a sore loser when he was with the Rays and David Ortiz was taking him deep. His comments to Dennis Eckersley are laughable, whether he thinks he’s being a clubhouse hero or not. The whole Evan Drellich thing was bizarre. David Price isn’t perfect, and David Price deserves some of the blame.

But let’s be honest, that’s not what this is about. You don’t hate David Price because of Eck or Drellich or his 4.00 ERA. David Price could’ve won the Cy Young and donated $50 million to the Jimmy Fund and been a model citizen. It wouldn’t be enough for you, because you don’t really care about the team or the city.

This is about you wanting David Price to be on the DL because you’ve made his life so miserable that he can’t show his face in Boston. It’s about you being happy you got to show how big and tough you are on Twitter or in the comments section or when you call into Crazy Ira and the Douche by slamming yet another athlete who chose Boston. And if that is what you want, you are exactly the reason this city has such a shit reputation when it comes to sports to begin with, and I hate you.

We get it: you’re not happy. Stop trying to make the rest of us unhappy, too.

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