SAN ANTONIO—Seething after watching his players allow the wealthy to control the legislative process totally unopposed, head coach Gregg Popovich reportedly blasted the Spurs Wednesday for completely missing America’s descent into an oligarchy. “Wake up out there guys, how many times do I have to point out that trickle-down economics does nothing but consolidate wealth into the hands of the elite?” said Popovich, who furiously scrawled out a chart on his whiteboard that illustrated stagnant worker wage growth skyrocketing executive salaries. “You guys are running around like you can’t see cutting corporate taxes does nothing but increase the deficit and aid entrenched powers. Ginobili, Gasol, we’ve gone over Citizens United in practice for weeks. Didn’t we study all that video on how the middle class is being gutted? How are you not seeing this?” At press time, Popovich was admonishing the team for not spotting their own complicity in the unequal system while they ran back on defense.

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