Hi there,

Quite honestly I am not sure where to start. I have a million questions to ask, but no one to really talk to. I suppose the biggest issue I am running into at the moment is my difficulty with my current calling and my feelings towards feminism. Last year I was called to be RS president in my single adult ward. When the bishop called me in and said what he wanted me to do, I immediately felt rage. Boiling…red…anger… rage.

I have been struggling for so long with my testimony and feelings towards the church and at that moment I felt that if there truly was a God, and he knew me, there is no way he would ask me to do this. Of course I know the counter argument to this is “God knows how much I am struggling and this is His way of helping me back”.

The second part to my rage was that I was just about to begin working on my second masters degree. The subject I am studying is very time consuming and I knew from my other degree how much time I would need to pass my classes let alone get good grades. I told the bishop this and of course all I got was “Well, the Lord wants you to do this.” I think if I had been extended the calling today I would finally have the guts to just say “no”, because let me tell you, this past year has been a nightmare. I get up at 5:30, go to school all day, get home about 8:00 at night and do homework the rest of the night. As much as I hate to admit it, I would rather be using my Sundays to catch up on rest, but instead I am in meetings all day.

At this point I think I am just venting, so let me try to focus my question. I would say I have always had some degree of unease when it comes to my place in the church as a women, but now that I am in my calling I really feel the weight of it. I sometimes wonder why I am even there as everything has to go through the bishop. I was more than perturbed when I asked to know what the RS budget was and was essentially told that was not my place to know. I have been asked to give messages that I do not believe in, tell women what their role is when I think it is BS.

I am 30 years old, have no intention of getting married or having children, but I can never vocalize this. Just 2 weeks ago I was called in by the bishop so he could council me about dating, flirting, how to nab a guy, etc. Again, I felt so much rage.

So my long winded question to you is how do I deal with this? How do I express my feelings to the women in my RS about what I really feel. How do I convey the importance to these women about being more than just walking, talking uterui (potential mothers)? I listen to the fMh podcasts and think “THIS is what they need to hear in class”, but I feel like there is just no way we could ever have an actual adult discussion about these things because I would be perceived as the heretic leading them astray. Any advice that can be offered would be greatly appreciated, especially since I feel this may be my only outlet for these feelings.

Thank you,

Melissa