Teenager removed from family after being radicalised by Tory ideology

A 16-year-old boy has been removed from his family after officials said he had been convinced that nothing in life is more important than what’s inside your own wallet.

The Eton student who can only be referred to as ‘B’, is said to have been exposed to Conservative party literature from a young age, with experts saying the effect upon him was similar to ‘brainwashing’.

His ‘deceitful’ parents showed him images of investment bankers on yachts, people throwing piles of cash in the air, and instructions on how to circumvent workplace union rules.

A spokesperson for social services explained, “No 16-year-old should know the best way to exploit a workforce for their own personal gain.

“He didn’t see them as actual people, but simply as a means to an end in his endless drive to fill his pockets with cash.

“This poor child didn’t even know he was being radicalised into a heartless corporate prick.

Officials said he is just one of a number of cases involving young boys from the same school “captured and seduced” by the belief that “becoming good capitalists such as a banker is a somewhat radical and honourable path for them and their families”.

Police investigating the incident said his home was a cornucopia of capitalist-related propaganda, including Conservative party manifestos going back to 1979.

“The poor boy never stood a chance,” they concluded.