SAND SPRINGS, OK—Feeling a mixture of intense pride and abject disbelief after news networks called the 2016 presidential election in favor of Donald Trump, local man Terry Williams, who is currently wearing a T-shirt adorned with the word “Jewmerica,” told reporters late Tuesday night that he never dreamed he’d see this day during his lifetime. “This is so incredible—not in a million years did I think I’d ever get to watch a historic moment like this,” said the unemployed 43-year-old, who has worn the T-shirt featuring the Star of David overlaid atop the United States flag throughout the 2016 election season as he closely followed Trump’s campaign for the presidency and encouraged voters like him to head to the polls by writing regular posts on white nationalist forums. “I won’t forget this feeling as long as I live. I’m so happy I might cry. Honestly, I’ve never been more proud to call myself an American.” At press time, a visibly elated Williams was reportedly searching for his “Trump That Bitch” hat to wear while watching Hillary Clinton’s concession speech.

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