Update: This 34-game scenario shockingly didn’t happen

The Oakland Raiders can still make the playoffs. They won’t, though.

Even if Jon Gruden’s horrible first season in Oakland somehow ended with a five-game winning streak — including two wins against the Chiefs and another against the Steelers — the Raiders would still have a losing record.

The 2-9 Raiders can’t catch the 9-2 Kansas City Chiefs or the 8-3 Los Angeles Chargers in the AFC West. But it’s still mathematically possible for Oakland to grab the second AFC Wild Card berth with a 7-9 record.

This season, Gruden has been the “this is fine” meme as the franchise burns down around him. So imagine the wonderful “I told you so” quotes we’d get from him if the Raiders finished on that kind of high note.

Will it happen? Absolutely not.

Not only would the Raiders have to pull off an inconceivable turnaround, they’d need a ton of help. Losses to the Colts and Ravens — each sitting at 6-5 — means most of the tiebreakers aren’t even on Oakland’s side. The good news for the Raiders is that they have a great shot at the No. 1 pick in the 2019 NFL Draft.

But as long as the postseason is still possible, let’s dream it up:

Week 13

Raiders beat Chiefs

Jaguars beat Colts

Falcons beat Ravens

Jets beat Titans

Dolphins beat Bills

Broncos beat Bengals

Texans beat Browns

Week 14

Raiders beat Steelers

Texans beat Colts

Chiefs beat Ravens

Jaguars beat Titans

Patriots beat Dolphins

49ers beat Broncos

Panthers beat Browns

Chargers beat Bengals

Week 15

Raiders beat Bengals

Cowboys beat Colts

Buccaneers beat Ravens

Giants beat Titans

Vikings beat Dolphins

Browns beat Broncos

Week 16

Raiders beat Broncos

Giants beat Colts

Chargers beat Ravens

Washington beats Titans

Jaguars beat Dolphins

Bengals beat Browns

Patriots beat Bills

Week 17

Raiders beat Chiefs

Titans beat Colts

Browns beat Ravens

Bills beat Dolphins

Chargers beat Broncos

Texans beat Jaguars

And that’ll do it.

Just a simple 34-step formula to giving us some Gruden grinding in January. There’s a tiny bit of wiggle room too — for example, the Bills don’t have to lose to the Patriots in Week 16. The same could be accomplished if they lose to the Jets in Week 14, instead.

But the “simplest” path to the playoffs is the list of results above. And I, for one, am booking the Raiders’ ticket to the Super Bowl right now.