A mum has revealed how she suffered at the hands of her abusive ex-husband for years - and has a dent in her head as an awful reminder of the pain he put her through.

And the violence got so bad that she admits that on one occasion she hoped he would kill her to free her from her turmoil.

The woman, now in her 50s, had a pepper mill hurled at the back of her head after she picked up a piece of carrot off the kitchen floor and threw it into a cooking pot leading her ex to accuse her of “poisoning the children”.

And the catalogue of horrific abuse included him threatening to kill her dogs, forcing her to pick up litter from the floor with her teeth and stopping her from seeing her friends.

To the outside world, their relationship had the outward appearance of being perfect and that they had it all under the roof of a large property.

But now the teacher from the Neath area is going to share her story with other victims as Wales plays host to a survivor-led Stand Up To Domestic Abuse Conference for the first time this week at the Celtic Manor Resort in Newport.

The woman - who wishes to remain anonymous on WalesOnline - recalls the time her ex threw the pepper mill at the back of her head, causing the lasting scars.

“I felt a whack on the back of my head with the pepper mill,” she says. “I still have a dent in my head from that.

“He was accusing me of poisoning the children. He would convince you the sky was green.

“From the outside we were the perfect couple, we were together with three children, two cars, three holidays a year, in a lovely house.”

But she said when she thought their children were fast asleep upstairs she “just flipped.”

She said: “I told him ‘You can’t treat me like this.’ I kept on saying it over and over again.

“In the back of my head I was convinced that he was going to kill me but I didn’t care because I had enough.

“He started laying into me and threw me around the room.

“My daughter heard the thumping - I never once screamed when he hurt me, to prevent the children from hearing."

(Image: Getty Images)

She added: “She came down and saw what was happening and jumped on him to stop. My nose was bleeding.

“He disappeared into the kitchen because I think he realised he had hit a child.

“The children ran outside to the neighbours’ house a couple of hundred yards down the road.

“I remember looking for him and couldn’t find the girls, I was so scared.

“The next thing, the neighbour came into the house and realised something horrendous has happened.

“She called the police, she insisted - he was arrested and taken to court and charged and convicted with assault and grievous bodily harm."

As his assault conviction was his first offence in the UK he was sentenced to a year of community work at Cardiff Magistrates’ Court during June 2012, along with being handed a £400 fine and probation.

She said there was signs that her relationship was not quite right when pushes turned into violent shoves and his controlling behaviour made her think twice about whether or not she was forgetting things and would create scenarios where he appeared to be the hero - mainstream gaslighting.

“His charm became something more,” she said.

“Six months of moving in together things changed from this caring and loving man full of fun who re-lit my flame.

“Looking back I could see it. He went off on holidays but I had to stay at home because of work.

“Later on, it was little things - when I would sit on the sofa next to me he would push me or make comments and it got worse and worse. The pushings became shoves.

“Once he rang me when I was out shopping and said don’t forget to bring bananas home - when I got back he said I did not ask you to bring bananas home.

“He threw the bananas in the bin and I went to take them out.

“He emptied the bin all over the floor and ordered me to pick it up with my teeth and I did because I did not want that the children would see their father behaving in such a way.

“This disgusting base behaviour was my shame and my guilt and it just built and built until I became all shame and guilt.”

She added: “He did not work, he didn’t have friends, they were like acquaintances - he stopped me from seeing my friends.

“I was allowed to go out but began to dread the consequences when I came home, so I just stopped going out.”

What to do if you're a victim of domestic violence

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She said in another devastating attack he threatened to kill her beloved dogs so she slept with them in the garage for three nights.

“I made a bed for them and a bed for me,” she said. “I only came back in because the neighbours had seen me in there.

“He said what kind of woman was I that I put the needs of my dogs before the needs of my children.”

She claimed he told her to put the dogs down and she was on the way to the vets to do that but as she was about to set off from the drive he blocked her from doing so.

“He was my hero then because he had stopped something dreadful from happening,” she said.

“He had stopped me from euthanising my dogs, I became the bad person and he was the good."

For two years she went through the Family Court as they both fought to have custody of the children.

He warned her: “I will always be in control of you.”

She added: “He dragged me through the Family Courts continuing the abuse."

Now their relationship is over, she says she's "indifferent" to him - although she still has worries that he could kill her.

"I do believe that he will try and kill me one day, but life is short anyway, and I cannot allow those worries to stop me now.

“I sold the house and gave the majority of it to him for my freedom.

“I have moved into this little wreck of a house, it’s nice, he can’t touch me and I have two new dogs.

“I feel in my life now I can handle anything, it impacts on your whole life.”

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As she prepares to speak at the event, organiser Rachel Williams - who also suffered domestic abuse - says the conference underlines domestic violence is an “epidemic.”

She said: “The Stand up to Domestic Abuse Conference is ground-breaking. It is allowing those people who have had the awful experience of domestic abuse and violence have their say.

“It’s giving them the platform that they should have always had, but sadly not been given.

“To have the wealth of speakers coming to share with other professionals and survivors is incredible.

“It is to show society the magnitude of domestic abuse and violence.

“There is no them and us, professionals and survivors because no one is immune from this epidemic.”

Rachel, who was the victim of domestic violence for 18 years and was shot by her estranged husband in her hairdressing salon in Newport before he committed suicide and the situation led her 16-year-old son to tragically take his own life, said she was determined that no other family would face the same horrific ordeal.

“My mess is now my message,” she said.

“After being tragically failed by services back in 2011, I decided from early on that I wasn’t going to be a victim but a victor.

“I wanted to work with the services to help them understand what they did wrong and help them understand the many facets of domestic abuse.

“I was sick of the classic line ‘lessons will be learnt’ I wasn’t going to let another family go through what we did if I could help it.

“After 18 years of living with a domestic terrorist and then the attempted murder and the tragic loss of my son there was no way I was going to be silent any longer.

“Nor was I going to let one man’s actions ruin the rest of my life.

“Thankfully the Welsh Police Forces are all supporting my conference and want to listen and learn.”

The Stand Up To Domestic Abuse Conference - which includes speakers from Hollywood actor Michael Sheen to First Minister Mark Drakeford - is being held at Celtic Manor Resort in Newport on Friday, September 13