ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IT IS A CRIME to be intoxicated at a licensed premises. There’s thousands of pages of alcohol legislation and to find bar work in Australia, one must receive special state-mandated qualifications.

Bartenders, security staff and management are taught how to identify a drunk person, using a specific set of criteria that outline the classic symptoms of somebody under the influence of alcohol.

Unfortunately for one visiting Californian, two bartenders and a bouncer at a local pub all came to the deathly conclusion that he was visibly intoxicated and needed to go.

Los Angeles native Chance Hoarse was asked to leave the Hammer & Spade hotel in South Brisbane yesterday afternoon for exhibiting the signs of intoxication – but he hadn’t even had a drink.

The 28-year-old was heard to be speaking in a loud voice to his companions just metres away. In addition to volume problems, Hoarse was also rough-housing a mate, who in the commotion, knocked his drink off the table – breaking the glass, which is a death sentence while out on the tiles.

“It’s fuckin’ bullshit, man,” he said. “I hadn’t even had a fuckin’ beer and this jerk puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me ‘I think you’ve had enough, sir’. I mean, fuck that guy, bro.”

It was heard that the American removed his shirt at the bar because it was too hot. Describing the air-conditioning as “fucking gay,” he refused to put his lid back on.

When given the opportunity to go quietly, Chance didn’t take it. Rather than leave as instructed, he lashed out at the 42-year-old bouncer. The American was promptly folded like a bed sheet by other security and thrown from the bar.

American-fuelled violence in pubs is on the rise, as thousands arrive to enjoy the sexual summer weather Down Under. QLD Police Superintendent Gary Dinkler says US-born tourists are especially dangerous, as most of them are stone-cold sober when the trouble happens.

“It’s very difficult for Australians to decided whether an American is drunk, or just acting like an American,” said Dinkler. “While it’s very rarely an issue, Americans can be a handful for our hospitality staff. Some of them just love yelling, which is a big no-no in a pub. Every Australian knows that if you want to be able to stay in a bar, you pretty much need to treat it like a library.”