One of the most pernicious insensitivities perpetrated by us is our missionary work. At its core, it’s really a good and noble thing. We believe that there is something in our lives that makes us happy so why WOULDN’T we want to share it with others? Unfortunately, as is so often the case when abstract concepts are operationalized into specific behaviors, the original motivation can be lost. Thus you will most definitely experience someone being friendly to you, invite you to some sort of spiritual activity (go to church, meet with missionaries, etc.), and gradually fall out of touch with you if you don’t get baptized. PLEASE be patient with us. It can seem insincere; at many times I’m sure it is.

Mormons are great rule-followers. Sometimes we even make up new ones just to have some more rules to follow. It’s a “rule” that we should be good missionaries and many people take that to mean being a living billboard for the church rather than creating genuine human connection. Again, I swear it’s from a place of love, no matter how many layers of BS church policy and misguidedness have been heaped upon it.

Like I said earlier, membership in this church requires a lot of time sacrifice and so it’s hard to interact with people outside of those who are serving next to you (that’s why I don’t serve anyone…so much free time!). Think of it as a compliment that they want to spend more time with you!

This insularity explains a whole heckuva lot more about how we act. Remember how I said “it’s not (always) that we don’t like you”? Well sometime it is! Well, more accurately, it’s that we fear you. Our sermons are laced with sayings such as “be in the world but not of the world” and “stand ye in holy places” and “avoid the very appearance of evil” and so on. And while you may be able to see where the original intention was noble (sensing a theme?), when the nuance is stripped away in favor of pithiness, you create a culture of fear. Anything that is not “in-group” becomes “out-group” which devolves surprisingly quickly into “bad”. So no, you’re not likely to get your Mormon neighbor out to the bar with you even though he doesn’t drink[1]. You might sense discomfort if you’re tattooed, pierced, wearing something a little lower cut or high-hemmed. It’s not you, it’s me (well, not me PERSONALLY…I’m super cool).

FWIW (for what its worth), I don’t want to paint ALL Mormons with such a broad brush or give you a complex that everyone is neurotically judging you. It’s just that it happens, with a greater frequency than it should, and I want to introduce the idea to you so you can just laugh it off rather than feel unloved or unwelcome.