This morning, Pablo flipped out a little bit when he finally discovered that Robbie Keane and Morrissey are related:

WAIT. WHAT? This almost sounds fake, or at the very least too good to be true re: Keano. Dead. I die. Dead now. pic.twitter.com/FeqzJrcOFf — Pablo Maurer (@MLSist) October 14, 2014

In the spirit of the United Kingdom’s Favorite Mope™, and with the season winding down, we dedicate the following songs (almost entirely on song title alone) to each MLS team.

For the Chicago Fire and their penchant for ties:

For Chivas USA and their long-suffering fans:

For the Colorado Rapids and their remarkable 2014 collapse:

For the Columbus Crew and their scrappy underdog status:

For DC United and players who struggle with social media:

For FC Dallas and their remarkable lack of media attention:

For the Houston Dynamo and “October magic”:

For the LA Galaxy and Bruce Arena:

For the Montreal Impact and Joey Saputo:

For the New England Revolution (and their new stadium dreams):

For New York City FC and the NYC Soccer Warz:

For the New York Red Bulls and Thierry Henry:

For Orlando City SC:

For the Philadelphia Union and their penchant for collecting all the goalkeepers:

For the Portland Timbers and their endless optimism:

For Real Salt Lake and Joao Plata:

For the San Jose Earthquakes and the 1906 Ultras:

For the Seattle Sounders and their quest for the treble:

For Sporting Kansas City and their roster cohesion:

For Toronto FC, and the 2014 That Was Supposed To Be:

For the Vancouver Whitecaps, and their constantly rotating strike force:

And for Long Tan, sweet, sweet, Long Tan: