Many Oppose Gay Marriage Because Of All The Wild Gay Sex They Can’t Stop Picturing, UCLA Study Finds

Dear socially conservative straight people,

We think it’s great you’ve decided to get married and raise a family — it’s a beautiful choice to make! And if you hadn’t noticed, many same-sex couples are taking similar life steps.

But here’s the thing — regardless of your choice to get married or stay single, we really, truly, sincerely don’t give one iota of a damn about your sex life. Unless, of course, you’re thinking of experimenting with your own gender. Then we might be able to figure something out. (Big maybe.)

It’s time you pay us the same courtesy.

Cheers,

Common Sense Gays For a Better Tomorrow

_______

It seems silly that in 2016, straight people are still letting gay rights affect their own lives so directly, but a new UCLA psychology study published in the journal Psychological Science concludes that many straight people still oppose same-sex marriage because they fear the sexual promiscuity perceived in LGBTQs will somehow shake the foundation of their own marriages.

“Many people who oppose same-sex marriage are uncomfortable with casual sex and feel threatened by sexual promiscuity,” said David Pinsof, a UCLA graduate student of psychology and lead author of the study.

Which is bizarro on multiple levels.

Gay sex has nothing to do with you. If it was a song it would be called “Gay Sex,” not “Gay Sex (The Straight Sex Remix)”.

Related: Top University Engaged In 4-Year Study Of Guys Losing Their Gay Virginity

Pinsof added: “Sexual promiscuity may be threatening to these people because it provides more temptations for spouses to cheat on one another.”

If the ever-present thought of gay sex is hindering your relationship, you have way bigger problems than the institution of marriage being undermined.

“Opposition to same-sex marriage may be strategic by people who are seeking to protect their marriages and the marriages in their communities, and are fearful that changing the definition of marriage is threatening to their way of life,” Pinsof said. “Because they view gay people as promiscuous, they view the idea of same-sex marriage as undermining the institution of marriage.”

The participants who opposed same-sex marriage had a hard time disassociating “gay” and “promiscuous.”

Are all gay married couples monogamous? No. Are some? Yes. But there is nothing promiscuous about getting married (unless you’re one of the straight couples on Married at First Sight, the reality show that weds complete strangers).

Related: Study Shows Support For Gay Rights As Long As We Don’t Gross People Out By Kissing In Public

And then there’s another painfully real reason some conservatives are still afraid of their precious institutions being challenged — maintaining power.

“For people who are comfortable with women being more economically independent, marrying at a later age and having more sexual partners, sexual promiscuity is not as much of a threat because women do not depend on men for financial support.”

We get it. Rules feel good when you’re the one setting them. But how about you just focus on you. We won’t interfere — promise.