MALIBU, CA — For months now one Malibu housewife has caused a stir in her community. The commotion did not arise from any action or speech, but from her appearance.

It all began after Jenni Wilson returned from her most recent bout of plastic surgery. Being a vain person without any interests deeper than her own personal appearance, her neighbors had grown somewhat used to treating her face as an amorphous accessory. But, that changed after her last procedure when she returned home with a rictus of surprise that friends and family found disconcerting.

“We kept asking her what’s wrong,” said one neighbor, “Was she scared or startled for some reason? We didn’t know. Turns out it’s just her face.”

“She just looked shocked at whatever anyone said. It’s funny now, but everybody thought she was being a real bitch at her brother’s funeral. But we now know it’s only because she surgically removed her gift of expression in a vane quest for everlasting beauty.”

“The complete absence of all character and humanity from her face is certainly troubling,” said her mailman. “It’s a shame that society drives women to slice up their bodies like that. It’s like some feel the need to wear a mask — the mask of a lifeless corpse. I’ll never understand it.”