

“They don't feel no pain, do they, them students? I just barged into one and knocked her flying.”

“I don't need nothing when I go out cos I'm just blazing off your vibes.”



“Me mam told me to put a fuckin’ donk on it.”



“Nah, when I was younger I got knocked out by a dog, yeah.”



Woman: So what is it you’re scared about with flying?

Man: Dying.



“I just want to sniff cocaine and have a good night.”



“It tastes warm. It’s a bit like drinking a jumper.”



“Yeah, coz we're the effin’ Strelleh Owds.”



“This beer smells like cystitis.”



“I think the WiFi is giving me freaky dreams.”

“I'm not paying for his ashes to go back to Madagascar, I’d rather stick them in a dinghy and push ‘em out to sea.”

Lad 1: Dude, Wagamamas!

Lad 2: Nah. Fuck off!

“I’ll make him a snood. I’ll knit him one.”



“Look. It’s fat. That means it’s a mum.” - Little girl



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