The Best Burgers in Austin Texas – Our Opinion

This title of this post could just as easily be read “Blasphemous Wench Seeks to Corrupt the Church” – because that is entirely the attitude surrounding all things burger. Each person has assembled their own altar to the most supreme burger in all the land, and anyone who seeks to tear down this foundation…well that my friends, is how the Crusades started.

The idea of a perfect burger is so ingrained in the very fabric of the American lifestyle, I’m surprised it wasn’t written into the Preamble of the Constitution, “We the people of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union burger…” but that of course would have had to be written in much later, considering the invention of the hamburger isn’t credited until around 1900 or so.

Its spontaneous outburst into the hearts and stomachs of the American people is dripping in juicy controversy. A quick search for “hamburger inventor” yields numerous results and claims of so-and-so’s great-great grandfather being the first to serve the hamburger at the annual 4th of July picnic. Even those White Castle dudes claim to have had a hand in its origin; however, the debate has been put to rest (much like Old Yeller). The Library of Congress has officially decreed that Louis Lassen of Louis’ Lunch, a small operation out of Connecticut, created and sold the first hamburger in the U.S. in 1900. And we know what that means, Louis Lassen must have slept with a member of Congress (and to the victor go the spoils).

So how, you ask, did I prepare for this burger journey? I polled friends and family, scoured the internet, posted in online forums, got a burger tattoo, and began learning karate at my local dojo. I compiled a list of 20 places around town and did some market research to see what the general consensus was. Turns out, people are really vocal with their opinions on the internet. One user boldly declared that anyone who didn’t like the burgers at Casino El Camino could, and I quote, “ go f@ck themselves.” What criteria was I going to use that could possibly satisfy the erratic masses? Would it be based solely on taste, should I include presentation, do I judge the freshness of the fries as well – for what is a burger without a side of fries?

Then the realization sunk in: I am actually going to have to eat 20 burgers. This isn’t just going to be a savvy article; this could be the beginning to a documentary entitled “Super Size BEE” (get it? Get it? Cuz it’s my name, You know – cause of that movie where the guy…nevermind.)

So what makes a great burger? Well it depends on who is doing the eating (me), what mood you’re in (typically pissed off), the weather (erratic)… things like that. Upon closer inspection of my final list of burger joints I discovered that there were just too many to narrow it down to one, or even a top ten!

Then it hit me. [light bulb]

Burger goodness should not be judged in a linear pathway from best to worst; it should be decided by the moments in which they really shine! So after many hours of deliberation, a lot of road rage from driving all around town, and about a good 5 pounds, I present to you…

Bee’s Master Burger List of Burgers for Every Mood