Jessica Sep 26, 2007

did not like it bookshelves: here-is-new-york, aborted-efforts

Recommended for: everyone but me, they all seem to love it 's review

Michael Chabon and Ayelet Waldman are drinking Peet's coffee and eating zampanos in front of the Cheeseboard on Shattuck Avenue.



MC: Ayelet, I'm trying to think of a new idea for a novel. It's gotta be fresh, bold.... Something nobody's ever thought of before!



AW: Wow, Michael, that's a tough one. There have been so very many novels written over the years, it's hard to come up with something new that's never been done before....



MC: Yeah, I need an idea that's totally original..... Maybe I should ask the kids, they're creative... Hey, where are the kids?



AW: The kids? I don't know. We had 'em when we left Andronico's....



MC: That's odd....



AW: Ah, fuck 'em. The important thing is that we're together. Let's focus on thinking of something innovative, new, a bit wild....



MC: Ayelet -- I have an idea! An idea for my next novel!



AW: What? What?



MC: It'll be about..... some boys!



AW: Yes--?



MC: Yes, some -- some JEWISH boys! And they're....



AW: They're what, Michael?? What are they doing???



MC: They're living in -- in BROOKLYN!!



AW: (gasps) It's.... BRILLIANT! My God!



MC: But not the Brooklyn of today, Ayelet, no -- Brooklyn during the middle of the last century!



AW: Oh, Michael -- you're a genius! No one's ever written a book like that before!



MC: You know what else??



AW: Don't tell me -- no, no, do! DO! Tell me right away!!!



MC: These boys.... they're into comic books! I mean, REALLY into comic books.



AW: Comic books? Jewish boys living in Brooklyn in the middle of the last century, who're really into comic books? Oh Michael, do you think the world is ready for a novel like that? Such a drastic break with the entire history of American literature -- it could be risky!



MC: It could be, that's true. Especially if I mention..... the NAZIS!



AW: It's bold, Michael. It's bold, but I think... you should do it. You know, guys like Jonathan Lethem would give their left nut to come up with ideas like this.



MC: Guys like Jonathan Lethem don't have my vocabulary.



AW: I bet you get a Pulitzer for this one, babe.



MC: I bet I do too.



Bookster: Jessica, what the hell is your problem? What are you even talking about???



J: Uh..... nothing.



B: Did you even read this book?



J: (quietly) No.



B: Do you know anything ABOUT these people?



J: (looks down) No.



B: Or this book?



J: Nope.



B: You know, I happen to love this brilliant novel. Michael Chabon is a highly gifted writer, and so his wife, who is also an extremely caring and wonderful mother, much better than you'd ever be. What do you think this behavior is all about, J?



J: (makes small shrugging motion, mumbles incoherently)



B: Can you speak up a little?



J: (more distinctly) I didn't like the beginning. (clears throat) Actually, I hated the beginning. It made me want to throw up. It made me want to throw up and....



B: And.....?



J: And it also made me want to fall asleep. So I got....



B: Yes....?



J: I got scared, B. You know that's how Jimi Hendrix died, right?



B: You're pathetic.



J: Hey, you asked.



B: You are a small person.



J: That may be.



B: You're jealous. And also not smart. You're just mad because you don't have any Pulitzers or babies, and you never will!



J: HEY, woah! Where's all THAT coming from?



B: Okay, sorry, I didn't mean.... Look, I happen to like both these writers a lot, okay? Maybe we should just stop here. Don't you have things you're supposed to be doing?



J: I guess I do, yeah.



B: You should get off the Internet. This is a little bit crazy.



J: It's been tough lately. My small life. You know, lonely, childless, semi-literate.....



B: Look, I said I was sorry. Can we drop it?



J: Yeah, fine, sure. Whatever you say.



B: You should really read this book, though. Your characterization of it is insulting and ridiculous. If you gave it half a chance, you'd be totally amazed.



J: My charac--



B: Run along!