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Coach has a son, giant bars of soap, Space Force and military uniforms, the bro economy, Adam Baldwin blocks me and is an idiot, nurses who can’t talk, obvious sports announcers, Black Bond, getting buried in collectables, doing a barrel roll, Crippled Jesus needs dating advice, sirens in music, Ben from Drunken Peasants calls in, Mundane Matt kills his career, funeral stories, “Not For Human Consumption” squares off against “The Thought Cops” in the first ever Super Podcast Championship Edition Turbo to see who joins the See You Next Tuesday Podcast Network, and a Dickhead gets his ass kicked; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Road Rage: Atlanta is up! See the crutch-crushing, Mustard-singing, Nick Rekieta-featuring live show everyone is talking about right now at Patreon.com/TheDickShow! Then come out to the Arts District Brewery in Download LA this Saturday the 18th at 8PM for the first ever Dick Show Presents The Magic the Gathering: Grand Pricks Tournament! Buy an entry pass here or just show up and drink with us, but don’t fuck with me while I’m trying to do my cards. I’m not very good and I don’t want to embarrass myself. But first…

Today’s episode marks the first ever “Super Podcast Championship Edition Turbo!”, an epic contest that pits two Dickhead podcasts against one another in a blood-thirsty, No Holds Barred battle of wits and audio clips–where the only rule: THERE ARE NO RULES, but try not to talk over each other–to determine who gets to join the See You Next Tuesday Podcast Network! This installment features Allan from “Not For Human Consumption” and Grant and Kevin from “The Thought Cops”.

If this battle isn’t the hardest decision you’ve ever made in your life, then I envy you because both podcasts deserve a spot on the C.U.N.T. Network, however, there can be only one. Good luck to all competitors!

If you’d like to vote in the first ever “Super Podcast Championship Edition Turbo”, head over to madcastmedia.com–AKA Maddox’s stupid $30K website, find Episode 113 of “The Best Debate in the Universe”, and vote on the top survey (“SHOULD CERTAIN ANIMALS BE EXTINCT?”) of that page as follows:

Vote Yes (light orange) for “Thought Cops”.

Vote No (dark orange) for “Not For Human Consumption”.

Thank you for voting and thank you Maddox for the voting platform! GFY!

Next, in a world where minimum wage puts everyone in the 1%, health care is free, and sex robots and food replicators cater to our every whim in a literally-virtual veritable paradise, there is one currency that will still define and drive us, one currency that will determine the haves and the have nots and be the topic of countless thinkpieces and college courses, and that is: vouching for bros. What else will decide who gets the “premium protons” in their food replication–the ones that are two or more recyclings away from having been poop? Nothing else but the word of a good bro. How else will the God-like George Jetson who runs the single-button simulation singularity know who gets the rounding error on their allotment of CPU cycles? Well, he’d have to give it to a good bro of course–provided someone could vouch for one.

We live in a post-truth society, and in a post-knowledge economy, where skills are outsourced and problems are too complex to be solved, and God is dead. Everyone is a genius in hindsight, loud in the moment, a temporarily embarrassed millionaire, and the only measure of a man is to be seen as a “good dude” to another man. It’s a never-ending exchange and obligation of mutual nipple presenting–and nipple rubbing, that ultimately culminates in World War 3, just as it always has done before. A currency based on absolutely nothing–as they all are, and an ongoing cover-up of moral failings instead of the bro-gnostic nihilism of standards. Bros before hoes evolved into bros before “knows”, where no one knows shit about what they’re saying, but feels compelled to do so nonetheless because otherwise, how do they know they’re worth anything either?

I vouch therefore I am.

“Fat Women” by the Hard Men Working Hard. Check out their Patreon for the freshest of Australian rap beats and other genres!



Here is a Christmas bounty of custom Dick Show popcorn thanks to Gormet Popcon and Gifts!

Working on it.

A thumbnail promoting safe sex by HeHeSillyComics.



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