A MAN watches BBC news because it presents a calming, stress-free version of the actual ongoing catastrophe of Brexit.

Tom Logan tunes into BBC News 24 to bathe in the pretence that everything is just a distant Westminster stand-off that will probably be resolved when everyone sees sense.

Logan said: “If I read The Guardian or listen to informed podcasts I might be reduced to a state of utter terror about the terminally cack-handed disaster heading our way.

“I’d be petrified about medicine shortages, gridlocks and how unconcerned the government is about reducing my children to the status of 19th century urchins purely to preserve party unity.

“I love BBC news because there’s no hint of that in the tone of their reports. Everything’s just a big political wrangle that’ll be sorted out eventually, like Amazon sending you a damaged telly.

“They even have a wry chuckle at the personal ding-dongs and larger-than-life characters in parliament. It’s a massive relief to know I shouldn’t take Brexit too seriously.

“In the run-up to a nuclear war it’ll be the BBC I watch exclusively. I’ll be blown to smithereens and never know how or why it happened. My last memory will be of Fiona Bruce smiling at me.”