HIV is not the end. Never.

Life has it’s ways of throwing you a curve ball. This is something I got to know last year, and while I would’ve normally hit that ball back with a firm swing over the fence, I guess you could say things went quite different this time around…

It was August 2014 that I got to know my boyfriend. We met via Tumblr almost a year before, and during his trip through Europe in the summer of that year, we actually met in person for the first time. I knew from the very first second he stepped of that train that this would be the man I’d grow old with – no doubt about it. We immediately hit it off and over the course of his travels, he returned multiple times to spend time with me, my friends, and my family.



All good things come to an end, and so did his holidays. When he got back home in Germany in time for university to start, he popped in at the STD clinic first chance he got. I had already gotten back into the grind at my job, working with social media for a huge A brand, and rocking a promotion to a managerial position I had just gotten. Life was going great and I couldn’t be happier.



Cut to to the 22nd of September. WhatsApp. On the train from Utrecht to Amsterdam.

“Jeff. I fucked up. I fucked up so hard.”

I texted him back, the train was packed and I couldn’t call him right now, but I guess life doesn’t wait until you’re conveniently snuggled up on the couch at these moments.



“What?”

“Why is this happening?”

“Are you serious?”

“I wish I wasn’t…”

“Are you serious? Do you have HIV?”

“Fuck”

“Baby, please, full sentences…”

“I am so incredibly sorry…”

Like I said – life doesn’t wait, and it can be a cruel mistress. No matter what the next weeks would bring, at this moment, his health and well being were more important to me than anything else. We quickly discussed the moments that we had slipped up (only once or twice) and how he didn’t get his results back before he went abroad because of summer holidays. We talked about how his viral load was 31k per ml, his CD4 had to be tested as soon as possible, and how we would manage things from here on out in regards of medication. I called work, explained the situation to my direct manager (trusting she’d understand) and went directly to the hospital that same day with my best friend.

They put me on PEP right away that evening and took quite a fair amount of blood. I slept exceptionally well, despite everything that happened. Trying to show my colleagues I deserved that new position and trying to keep my head occupied; I just went to work the day after, and the day after that. On Wednesday I got the news via phone (my choice)…

I am also HIV positive.

I didn’t even know how to respond to said information, thanked the doctor and told him I’d be in asap to discuss the situation at hand. Ironically enough I was in the crisis room at work when this happened, heh.

The days went by and, while trying to cope with the side effects of PEP, the doctors and I discussed our approach to tackle this disease. I was at a viral load of 55k per ml and had a healthy CD4 of 700. Nothing to worry about physically, and honestly, it didn’t affect me that much mentally. Most of the problems I had came from the combination of medication that I was still taking for the next month before I could start with my regular treatment (Truvada and Tivicay at the moment).



That same week Friday I was on my way to Germany again to the see the man of my dreams and be the very much needed support that he so deserved. While I had my family and close friends to support me, he had nobody in his life who knew at that time and who could be a safe haven for him. I can now say that, when I arrived, looking into someones eyes had never felt so good and it hasn’t stopped feeling that wonderful ever since. Never has there ever been a single angry thought in my head.

“It takes two to tango.” so I have nobody to blame but myself.

Cut to 8 months later and we’re about to move in together. He has quit his Engineering studies to start his nanobiology bachelors and I’m looking for a new opportunity in the online marketing and brand reputation business.

We are both feeling great and are undetectable, which means that the viral load (parts of the virus, if you will) in our blood is so low (less than 50 parts per ml) that the chances of us infecting anyone is statistically negligible. Luckily, we have no side effects whatsoever from the medication we’re taking and it seems to be doing his job!

Our love is bigger than ever and being in this shitty situation really showed us that we can trust and build upon each other. We’re stronger than any couple who’s been together this relatively short has any right to be, but that has a damn good reason.



HIV is not the end, it has no right to be, but be smart about it. Educate yourself and be safe. Keeping this in mind, I can honestly say that the worst part of it is the stigma that surrounds it. Staying healthy is, relatively speaking and at least for us, quite easy. However; it can be difficult to cope with the stupid people of this world and, dear god, are there a lot of ’m.



I recently contacted the Dutch HIV Foundation to see if I can do some volunteering for them and I am looking for a way to engage an broader audience about, not just the dangers of unsafe sex, but also about what happens after the diagnosis. How to tell your friends, your family, future partners, etc. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: HIV is not the end and there’s no reason to be ashamed.



Feel free to reach out to us with any questions or comments you might have. We can only defeat the stigma by talking about it and teaching others – if my two cents can be a part of that? I couldn’t be happier.

