RANDI GLOSS: I think in some ways it feels like we’re on a sinking ship and that many of us feel like we’re drowning in this sorrow or in so many ways being water boarded. Like our black skin is holding us hostage and America is constantly washing us, suffocating us and throwing buckets of trauma down our throats over and over again to the point where we’re gasping for air. We’re trying to come to the surface. It feels like we’re drowning in our own blood because every time we turn around it’s somebody new. I was just saying how this summer has been relatively quiet and this year has been quiet compared to last year. I think by May of last year, I had added another four or five names [to the shirts] because there were so many people. This year has been a lot different but it was only a matter of time.

I had to put my head down this morning. I got up early to do my dishes and I had to meditate on Chance The Rapper’s “How Great.” I had it on repeat and I had put both my hands on the sink and put my head down and I was like, “Wow, I might have to add a name.”

I was talking to Netta this morning and I was saying how engaging with Alton Sterling’s death is like looking into water, taking a deep breath, diving deep and taking the plunge again.

I have the picture in my head of Harry Potter when he had to go into that water and all the skeletons are trying to pull him under with Dumbledore. I was on the sideline. I was on the shore. Like, “Alright I can breathe.”

I can’t sit this one out because there have been names that I haven’t been engaging. I haven’t been engrossing myself in that trauma because I’m still trying to recover from so many others. That’s not apathy but in some ways that can be a means of self-care. It’s not clicking on every single name that’s been hashtagged because that really can drag you down. This death really brought me back into the fold again because it’s just so blatant.