We have some big-time blockbuster reviews today as we take a look at ‘The Predator’, ‘The Nun’ and ‘Peppermint’. We didn’t like any of these movies very much. Remember to submit your ratings for these movies in the links at the bottom of the blog. Let’s go!

Jeff (50/100): What a mess! ‘The Predator’ is one of the strangest movies of the year with its tone and trying to figure out what exactly it wants to be. I think, for the most part, Shane Black and the studio wanted ‘The Predator’ to follow a Marvel Studios movie formula with action and comedy. There are a ton of attempts to get laughs, but the gore and sometimes serious tone are awkwardly jumbled together.

There are parts I enjoyed, and I am sure other viewers enjoyed even more. It’s pretty gory and has a cool monster. I guess that’s worth something? But I imagine fans of the original ‘Predator’ movie are going to be sorely disappointed. The original was terrifying, with silence and eeriness in a jungle as soldiers are hunted down by a lethal beast. ‘The Predator’, meanwhile, has the element of a lethal beast hunting soldiers, but there is no tension and the movie lacks scares. It’s also worth noting that there are some spots where the CGI is absolutely dreadful.

I didn’t particularly care for the story, but part of the cast made the movie at least watchable. Despite the solid performance from young actor Jacob Tremblay, his character’s storyline, the most important in the movie, feels forced and totally out of place in the ‘Predator’ universe. Boyd Holbrook was pretty solid in the lead role and Sterling K. Brown, one of my favorite actors, plays an absurd character that I actually enjoyed. His lines were corny and pretty stupid. I am sure some people will hate the character, but Brown did a nice job honing in his lines and delivering an intriguing performance. Keegan-Michael Key was funny as the comedic relief, while Thomas Jane’s character felt like a total waste and Olivia Munn seemed like a miscast.

I did not have high expectations, all I wanted was a fun movie to see while eating some popcorn. I got just that (though, don’t see it in IMAX unless you have one of those passes, because it is not worth the $20 or more), but looking at it from the standpoint of a good movie, it doesn’t deliver. The original ‘Predator’ movie is a classic and one of the best sci-fi and action-thriller movies ever released, but don’t expect that magic to be re-created with ‘The Predator’.

Side note: This movie has one of the most jagged, ridiculous endings to a major motion picture I have ever seen. The lights literally came on with three minutes left and, in hindsight, I think it was a warning to just leave. It was seriously one of the worst endings I have ever seen.

KenJac (43/100): Shane Black’s worst movie by a billion miles, ‘The Predator’ is an uninspired cash-grab which is confused by itself from start to finish. Like every sequel to the 1987 classic, it lacks everything that makes it special while simultaneously failing to improve on the franchise at all. I saw some reviews that called it unwatchable, and while I definitely wouldn’t go that far, I’d say spend your money elsewhere at the theater.

The movie had a huge cast including Boyd Holbrook (‘Narcos’), Trevante Rhodes (‘Moonlight’), Sterling K. Brown (‘This is Us’) and more. I don’t think there was a single redeemable performance from the bunch except for maybe Keegan-Michael Key. He and Thomas Jane had this weird Abbott and Costello dynamic that never really connected. Every single character in the movie, from the soldiers to the scientists, tried so profoundly hard to be badass but failed entirely due to the clunky dialogue and rushed editing.

The plot was utter nonsense, serving as a hollow vessel for a movie that could easily be renamed “One-Liners and Out-Loud Exposition, The Movie!” They just smash you over the head over and over again with lines like “Hey Baxley, if your mom’s vagina was a video game, she’d be rated E for everyone!”. Puke. If it wasn’t a one-liner it was a character explaining out loud what exactly they were doing. “Ahhh, it’s great to be here in Mexico, tracking a drug lord heading to a hostage exchange” is another paraphrased line. It’s just so clunky and doesn’t offer you much in the form of action or combat because the sequences were chopped and edited very sloppily. The CGI was also abysmal. Like, bad by mid-2000’s standards. They have these Predator dog creatures that look worse than the wheelchair guy in 2005’s ‘Doom’. The one positive I brought away was that maybe 1/25 one-liner did actually hit and get a chuckle out of me.

The film is just lazy and not worth your time. They also seem to pat themselves on the back for being progressive about Tremblay’s character, who has Asperger’s. But at the same time, they use Thomas Jane’s character’s Tourette’s as a punching bag in every line he speaks. That’s one of many examples of how the movie never really had a singular direction. Oh, it also had one of the worst and unaware endings I’ve ever seen. I can’t say much without spoiling, but it was laugh out loud funny. Make more action-comedies, Shane Black!

P.S. One of the bigger stories to come out of this movie was Olivia Munn’s request that 21’s Century Fox remove one scene in which she unknowingly appears opposite of an actor who is a registered sex offender. Black immediately agreed and removed it, and she received an outpouring of support both from the public and all of her castmates. That solidarity by the cast backing her up was really awesome, and I hope we see more of that going forward in Hollywood.

Jeff (23/100): Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you ‘Jump Scare: The Movie’. I am pretty sure I have used that “joke” before, but I have never seen a movie that it works better for than ‘The Nun’.

Set in the ‘Conjuring’ universe, ‘The Nun’ doesn’t deliver an engaging plot or characters like its mostly-good predecessors. There is little to no substance and, no joke, the movie paces along with jump scare after jump scare. Sure, a jump scare might jolt you in your seat, but even the startling moments in ‘The Nun’, aren’t scary or worthy of a jolt. This movie telegraphs its jump scares more than any movie I have ever seen. It’s 2018, this type of formula for a horror movie just doesn’t work anymore. If you want a scary horror movie, build tension, use silence and make your audience care about the characters. ‘The Nun’ failed greatly at this and is a major end-of-summer flop.

KenJac (57/100): ‘The Nun’ is a poorly written, decently acted horror movie that delivers on its promise of jump scares, but there’s not much more to it. If you were looking for something deeper, which you perhaps thought you found in its prequel ‘The Conjuring’, this isn’t quite that. It does, however, know what it is to a degree, and I respect that.

Demián Bichir (The Hateful Eight) plays the clearly Hispanic priest named Father Burke and delivers a standard, albeit not convincing, performance relative to the genre. Taissa Farmiga (The Final Girls Fight), younger sister of Vera Farmiga (The Conjuring), plays Sister Irene. She gave the strongest performance of the film, helping you empathize with her particular terror at points. Lastly, Jonas Bloquet (Elle) plays Frenchie, who is essentially a goofball idiot horny guy serving as the comic relief. Not that his performance is bad, but his character is just annoying as hell and serves no real purpose.

Here are the bad parts of the movie. The third act relies way too heavily on CGI, and it looks like dogshit. The first two acts use a way heavier mix of practical effects and camera views, refusing to put a face on what is scaring you. That, to me, is way scarier. The second they put a CGI face on the antagonist, all my fear was gone. The plot of the movie was okay but was paced rather slowly for my taste in the genre. They also clumsily weave in clips of Ed and Lorraine at the start and finish to remind you that, in fact, it is a Conjuring movie.

The good parts are that the first two acts I mentioned are rather scary. You have a mostly faceless evil that you’re trying to figure out while being barraged with visions, jump scares, an extremely creepy audio track, and great use of ambient sound.

I’d say if you are, or were raised, Catholic, this is the horror movie for you. I was scared shitless by nuns growing up, and the religious imagery brought me back to a point that made me feel very young and afraid. Especially the Mother Superior, fucking spooky as hell. Next time don’t blow the audience’s nut so early by showing us the bad guy’s face from the start.

Jeff (42/100): This is an “okay” revenge-thriller that will likely be destined for TNT as a rerun every few weeks. ‘Peppermint’ is a Liam Neeson-type movie starring Jennifer Garner, who delivers a satisfying character to root for. However, the bland story makes the movie completely forgettable.

Call this unfair, but I compare these types of movies to the ‘John Wick’ franchise now. Those two movies were so creative, had incredibly well-shot action scenes and developed every single corner of the story. ‘Peppermint’ feels hollow and formulaic to a fairly familiar franchise. Garner’s character is seeking revenge after her husband and daughter are killed in a drive-by shooting, a story line that should be very captivating. It’s a little bit below a good “shut your brain off” movie, but I also think critics are being a little too harsh on this one. ‘Peppermint’ is nowhere near one of the worst movies of 2018, but it just doesn’t find a groove that puts it at a level with the better movies of its genre.

KenJac (43/100): A huge disappointment for me, ‘Peppermint’ is a formulaic mess bringing nothing new to revenge thrillers other than a female lead. Coming from Pierre Morel, the director of ‘Taken’, I expected to see something fresh, but it’s essentially a watered-down version of his triumphant project with 100x more racial stereotypes.

Jennifer Garner is capable of playing a badass, as any of us who have seen ‘Alias’ well know. Her character, Riley North, is exactly that, mowing through the ranks of a cartel-like a hot knife through butter as revenge for the murder of her husband and daughter. There isn’t much to criticize about her performance, she’s just not written well. There weren’t any standout performances from the rest of the cast other than Juan Pablo Raba, who played the cartel leader, Garcia, in a convincing manner.

Some of the fight scenes are decent, and the gunfights are okay, but nothing stands out. The movie has absolutely nothing to hang its hat on. If you’re going to make a movie with no real emotional investment, the action sequences have to be far, far better than what were shown. If you want to turn off your brain for an hour, this might be the movie for you. But if you are expecting a movie on par with ‘Taken’, you’re in for a disappointment.

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None of the three movies are Officially Not Buttered. They were not good and we can’t wait for some better movies to be released during the rest of the fall. Trillballns will release his ‘The Predator’ on next week’s Lights, Camera, Barstool (subscribe here) with special guest Francis. Make sure to rate the movies in the links below, as well as other 2018 movies.

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