I stared down at my trusty, weathered Logitech V450 portable mouse, its ominous red light slowly pulsating - as if breathing heavily. We'd seen some good times together, yes: it saw me from my first laptop, a little Asus netbook, up until my pint sized i7 gaming powerhouse today. (I have this strange history for liking small computers.)

But its best days were behind it. Gone were the days of Half Life in religion class, or San Andreas in student council block. It held sturdy during the onslaught of games I bought thus far during the Steam sale, but I don't know for how much longer. Its plastic finish was wearing, rubberized sides chafing, and scroll wheel loosening. Not to mention the friction scars from years of valued service.

A box arrived today in the mail. A large Amazon shipping box, its journey from Calgary documented tediously by UPS. Inside lay two items: the Steelseries QcK+, a gigantic velvet roll of death, and the Razer Abyssus, 3500 dpi killing machine.

Abyssus. Named for a lethal American pit viper. Swift, accurate, and instantaneous. Above all, murderous.

I slit open its case and held it. buttery soft touch coating, satisfyingly mechanical button presses, and a grippy, tactile scroll wheel. It sat patiently as I plugged it into the back of my computer, and it beamed to life. It radiated a tantalizing blue glow, eager to be held, to be guided, and to kill. It fucking called to me.

I looked back to the manual holder and opened it up. On the matte black paper stood raised, glossy text:

"Welcome to the Cult of Razer."

...

(Thanks, beuh_dave! Such a rad gift! Gonna have to upgrade to a nice mech keyboard soon to match haha.)