The decent.

Blurred vision

You can think yourself into whatever you want. An attitude, a persona, and eventually, your reality.

That’s exactly what I did back in the day. I took whatever the world threw at me and digested it. I gave no consideration to how the ideas and thoughts I consumed affected me. I just took it all in.

Negativity? I ate it.

Frustration? I ate it

Pessimism? I ate it.

Drama? I ate it.

Fear? I ate it.

I took it all in and held onto it. So much so that even when the world did throw me a bone of happiness, it was hard to accept. I often couldn’t even recognize in the first place.

These thoughts led to feelings of continuous dissatisfaction that breed ugly habits. They appeared harmless at first. But then led me deeper into my fears.

The residue of those thought patterns is something, I continue to battle with today. It can still be challenging for me to expect success, accept a compliment, or dream big dreams.

Hardening habits.

My disturbing thoughts soon led to disturbing habits.

Successive weekends spent vegging on the couch.

Increasing episodes of short temper with my family.

Decreased interest in going anywhere or being with anyone.

My habit of seeing only the negative increased the appearance of negative things in my life. More of what I didn’t want seemed to happen. This led to more perpetuation of disturbing habits.

Practicing pain.

Over time, my habits became who I was. I did the things I had to do for my life to function. I avoided anything else, even if it was something I might enjoy.

My family relationships suffered. My kids asked me why I was sad and tired all the time. My husband kept his distance. Sometimes the kids did too. Inside I was glad that they did, yet sad about it at the same time.

I felt like my whole world was a mess.

The Unexpected Shift

I was two years into a battle with high blood pressure. I’d started working out and eating healthier so I wouldn’t be dependent on medication.

I worked out at home, but I hated it. Torture every time. So, I looked for a way to change things up and find something that felt more like fun than a workout. A visit to the YMCA led me to Zumba®.

I love dancing. Zumba ® is dance fitness, so my workout consistency issue was solved!

The bigger surprise was that soon, my emotional pain began to heal because my thoughts were taking a positive turn.

I looked forward to classes because they were fun.

I began building friendships with other students.

I started going to fitness events and having a life outside of being a wife and a mom.

My body began to change, and I looked and felt stronger.

My husband and kids said that I seemed happier and more content.

Things were changing. I was changing. And I liked it.