It’s amazing how often we feel emotions other than love for other people. Try a little experiment where you try to change any feeling you have towards anyone to love. It’s possible, but not easy, especially for the people you don’t necessarily like.

But you don’t have to like someone to send them love. You can wish them well. You wouldn’t want to wish them harm? So why not wish them well? On the deepest level, aren’t they just like you? Wishing to be happy? It seems simple when broken down in this way.

I was inspired by an excellent reddit post and discussion (recommended read) to commit more seriously to a practice that I have known about for a long time. Metta is the practice of loving-kindness, or friendliness, in some translations. Metta itself is the energy that you tune into in this meditation.

Having experimented with meditation for a good while, I’ve been exposed to metta and practiced it occasionally. Sending goodwill to myself, friends, family, and strangers usually turned out fine, no special experiences, but it sometimes felt forced. Overall I regarded it as a side practice and spent less than 5% of meditation time on metta.

It’s time to change that. I’ve had this feeling deep down that if every day my heart overflowed with love, I would need nothing more. No accomplishments, no praise, not even love in return. None of it would be necessary if my own heart was full.

It seems really obvious, but there’s a distinct and palpable part of me that says “True, but I don’t want that. I want to accomplish things. I want to feel important. Don’t take that away from me.” Definitely ego talking.

A possible resolution is that I would still take action even if my heart was full and open, but actions would be guided by metta and not self-centeredness. Even more, metta includes oneself, and nurtures the being known as me, but not to the exclusion of others.

Ultimately, I know there is no satisfying the part of the ego that wants to feel important over others. It is not compatible with metta, and should be let go of. Easier said than done. In time I suppose.

I take confidence in what dharma teachers say about the heart. Guy Armstrong mentions that for some meditators, vipassana alone will lead to the heart opening, while for others, intentional heart work can really help get things going. Although I can’t claim to have advanced insight from vipassana, I intuit that I’m in the latter group, as I feel a profound shift in my way of being when I change my feelings towards others to love.

Seriously, try this on anyone. Feel nothing but love for them. It probably won’t arise naturally, you need to replace whatever the initial feeling is and remember that ultimately you wish them well, not harm. It changes everything! There is a perceptual shift that is very noticeable.

I feel like this might be the beginning of a new way of being for me. A radically freeing and happy way of being. Not a forced, but a cultivated open heart. There’s usually a tightness in my heart, but with these practices I’ve felt something different. A warmth.

I’ll be committing to the practice of metta from now, it will be my main practice until my heart guides me to do otherwise. Just the single day of metta I practiced so far (yesterday) produced real noticeable effects on my happiness and how I related to others.

Try it with me! If you aren’t familiar with how to practice, there are good resources in the linked reddit post and plenty to find with google.

Wishing you the joy of living, with metta.