From someone who has been through this, I can tell you that it’s the most terrifying job interview ever. I’m sure BUDs training for Seals is worse, but I remember everything from the day I walked in to the office for the first time. Knowing that Dave values punctuality and consistency, I showed up at 8:30AM like a total brown nose, even though we didn’t have to be in until 10. The only person here was KMarko, who was nonplussed by my early arrival since he likes having the office to himself to focus early in the day. We sat around until we were corralled into the radio room, where office manager Brett handed out name cards and told us the order in which we would audition. Outside, all the personalities that I had followed for years were arriving and picking up spirited conversations about this and that. It was a hive of activity that only increased our excitement and anxiety.

Remember Barstool Idol? It happened a year and a half ago, but it feels like it’s been a decade. Against all odds, we’re bringing it back… tomorrow! Through three rounds of auditions, the judges will be Dave, Big Cat, KFC, and myself. I’ve seen a bunch of the applications and the quality of candidates is insane. We’ve got comedians, writers, actors, musicians, characters, podcasters, and a bunch of people who probably won’t go anywhere. It’s so interesting for me to see the caliber of comedians especially. Many of them are much more accomplished than me, but humbly, I’d like to think my example has shown just how much a job at Barstool can do for your career. Clearly, this is a place that talented people want to work.

The contestants all tried to feel each other out. I knew my five-minute standup set front to back, but I had no idea if standup would be well-received by the judges because Dave hates standup. Others in the room were simply planning to “wing it,” which was reassuring to me because that is a TERRIBLE idea. There was a perception among some that by showing their hardcore devotion to the company, they would be rewarded; that by being the biggest stoolie in the room, they would stand out. It definitely helps if you’re familiar with the brand. But in reality, this entire contest was, and is, a talent search. Donnie and I both won full-time jobs because of Barstool Idol. We’d both been submitting stuff for years, trying to get on Barstool’s radar, with no luck. It’s safe to say that if not for Barstool Idol, neither of us would be working here, which is a crazy realization because I think we’ve both proven that we bring something unique to the company.

Idol week was a completely insane. We saw Tex get his first concussion in a vicious boxing match with that enormous dude from Buffalo; a dodgeball match where Smitty unleashed all his pent-up rage against a woman (remember she was fired because she was late on day 2? I told you Dave cares about punctuality); and, believe it or not, I was diagnosed with cancer. At the end, I outlasted the competition and it was all worth it because I love my job more than anything on fucking earth.

People may get tired of hearing us talk about how great it is to work here. But I genuinely receive anywhere from 5-15 emails a day from people applying for jobs that don’t actually exist. Office manager Brett gets 50 a day. As far as I can tell, unless you’re already famous, the only way to work here now is through Barstool Idol. Trust me: this contest will completely change someone’s life.

Tune in tomorrow!!!