First of all, let’s get this straight: the itch is the thing you scratch. Itch, to me, is not the verb. Some people think itch is the verb, and I find this almost as uncomfortable as an itch itself. An itch, as we know, is very distressing. But there is nothing more rewarding than a problem solved, and it is my deeply felt belief that one of the finest examples of this is a satisfactorily scratched itch.

I don’t mean more pervasive itching: nobody lusts after scabies, painful psoriasis or the kind of eczema that makes life as unbearable as tinnitus; but hitting the spot of that niggling sensation is a moment of pure bliss. Scrabbling up and down the stubbly regrowth of shins; the momentary relief from scalping the heads of holiday midge bites; pressuring your partner into giving you a back rub and making them work a very specific spot between the shoulder blades (left a bit, right a bit), for way longer than they are happy with, resulting in shudders of delight.

Itching is a little like yawning and sneezing, in that it is tied up in the mirror neurone effect. You may even have had a little scratch while reading this article. One study found that people listening to a lecture on itching began to scratch themselves. Personally, I put it down to jealousy. Everyone appreciates this orgasm of the epidermis (so sorry). If you want to show off, by the way, you can call an itch by its medical name: pruritus.

It isn’t just humans who are affected by the urge to scratch, and thank God, because then we would be denied the pleasure of watching pets, fresh from the vets, walk into walls wearing anti-scratch cones. Then reversing and trying again.

Some enjoy the sensation of scratching not related to the body. But (appropriately named) scratchcards have the opposite effect for me. I find the scraping off of that silver residue goes through me like nails on a chalkboard. It’s a dry, rough sensation – and it will only end in disappointment, or a “free” holiday which is anything but.

The scientific reason why scratching our itches feels so good is because it releases serotonin, the neurotransmitter involved in mood-boosting. It foxes the brain by replacing the itch signals with pain signals (that kind of pleasure-pain). It is pure distraction. And my God, with the world today, don’t we need that right now.