SUMTER, SC—Saying that he clearly learned all the wrong lessons from the classic animated programs, several people witnessing their coworker Aaron Rowe wearing a Cobra Command T-shirt Tuesday confirmed that he missed the whole point of G.I. Joe. “Dude, that’s not what the show’s about at all. It’s like he didn’t pay attention to a single episode,” said sales associate Paolo Yates, expressing feelings of disappointment at his officemate for supporting a group whose sole objective was to “sow mayhem and destruction.” “This is just a slap in the face to our greatest Real American Heroes. Cobra was clearly a team of bad guys, even if they sometimes pretended to be peaceful in order to dupe the Joes. For Aaron to proudly display that hateful iconography on his shirt and present it as some sort of moral symbol is just flat-out wrong, and I’m a little freaked out that he even knew where to buy something like that.” At press time, Rowe had been admonished by his employer, who claimed “such divisive and transgressive iconography does not represent the values of Davis and Lee’s Proud Rebel Confederated Plumbing Supply, Inc.”

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