Not so long ago, I fed myself from a Canadian dollar store, and while that was all fine and good, the fact is that dollar stores do sell food, so at the end of the day, while depressing, it wasn't as insane as I wanted it to be. I wanted a Bear Grylls experience of the modern wilds. I wanted to survive in a place no man has any business surviving in. Canada wasn't the answer. Porn was.

You may or may not be aware of this, but porn stores offer a wide array of products for the discerning pervert. Sure, there are DVDs and even VHS tapes of people putting their floppy parts in other peoples' squishy parts, but there are also rubber dongs, furry handcuffs, wooden spanking tools, plastic women, and curious edibles. Porn stores sell food. Sort of.

Could you make a meal of the things you found in a porn store? Would you want to? Is anything even remotely worth eating? These questions needed answers. I'm your huckleberry.

There are far more things at an adult novelty store that are meant to be ingested than I would have guessed. I actually had to limit myself on some products just to keep the list from getting too out of hand, and also because I didn't want to waste too much money on this. I opted for what I felt was a balanced amount of products that offered both variety and hilarity. And, as it would later turn out, stomach-turning vileness.