Usually when people talk about being “on the wrong side of history” they’re talking about major social issues.

I’m not. I’m just talking about smart phones. And I’ve already gone on record recommending that you join them, since you can’t beat them. Be on the right side. Embrace the smartphone obsessives.

True, it does cause problems. Here’s a Catch-22: a restaurant compared security footage from ten years ago to footage from today, and the result is basically that people took fifty minutes longer to eat now than they did in 2004. They distracted wait staff, slowed down the process, then had the nerve to go online and complain the restaurant was slow—which is only because they’re farting around on their smart phones.

So, for those of us who yearn to return to 2004 and a simpler, chattier, more analog time, Applebee’s is trademarking “No tech Tuesday” and appears to be thinking about encouraging people not to bring their distracting digital devices with them on pre-hump day. On the other hand, Applebeesspokespeopletypes rush to point out it’s not officially “happening,” presumably because they don’t want to be officially anti-digi-device. Clearly they want to welcome all eaters, including rude ones, and they want to be perceived as modern, since some of their facilities have installed table-tablets. They want your money in any situation you’d like to give it to them—with or without checking the Vine video you made while waiting for your food to see how many “likes” it has.

Look, Millennials are having fun with their phones. They’re living in a world where 2004 was a long, long time ago—and there’s nothing we can do to change it. We shouldn’t want to change it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTEThDR3_zs

If you agree, please follow me on Twitter and “like” the bitly link I sent linking you back to this post. Thanks in advance. Oh look, your food’s here.