Oil cleansing is the key to a fabulous skincare routine, and I’m not just making that up to ruin your skin. You know that I love helping a sister out with a good beauty trick. Would I lie about the fact that putting oily oil on your face will get rid of your oily, oily acne? What, you think I’m tricking you into getting more acne? Girl!!! Don’t be weird! Chill out!

Once I explain how oil cleansing works, you’ll understand that I’m really trying to help you, not curse you with a year’s worth of cystic acne. Think of that old high school chemistry concept, “like dissolves like.” That’s the philosophy behind the oil cleansing method. I am pretty sure of this. Apply natural, essential oils to your face— like soothing jojoba, grapeseed oil, and even olive oil— mixed with deep-cleansing other oils, and you’ll find that oil will actually cleanse the oils on your face. This has nothing to do with you and me; this is just a skincare fact!

Trust me! Sometimes I even use leftover oil from cooking–like bacon grease–right on my face. I think that would work better for you, since your skin is combo oily-oily. Any leftover bacon bits will provide a super-exfoliating scrub. Just trust me. I know skin.

Oh, come on; do you seriously think this sounds like a revenge plot I made up to get back at you? Umm, guess I should keep my secret to glowing skin to myself, then! Haha, no, but really, the next step of oil cleansing makes it all make sense.

After putting the bacon grease on your face, put a hot, damp washcloth on your face. It opens your pores up, so the oil can pour in. This is a good thing. Just as a tip–the more the washcloth burns, the happier your skin will be. Gwen Stefani uses boiling water directly on her face, and swears by it. But I guess you don’t need to do that part if you’re okay with wrinkles at age 28.

I feel like you’re getting really defensive about this? Like you think I’m making this up because I want you to suffer for that time you didn’t come to my birthday party because you “got your IUD in” when REALLY you were Instagramming selfies of you and Adam at the same bar he first fingered me in, which you knew, and I left my own party to bring you a hot water bottle only to see your Insta of the two of you already had 38 likes. I can’t believe you think that! No, I’m totally over that–this skincare routine is all about clearing up your skin, not long-overdue vengeance!!

Speaking of the number 38, you should give your oil-cleansing regimen at least 38 weeks to start working. You might see a drastic increase in acne for the first 38 weeks, and that’s okay. Once your skin has grown accustomed to the deep cleaning action of oils, you will GLOW.

I’m so psyched for you. You have to tell me how this cleansing-routine-not-revenge-plot works for you at the end of the 38 weeks! I think you’re going to look, and feel, incredib-oil! Haha! Bye, babe!