Imagine that, at the age of 23, someone says to you the following:

Today, everything changes ! From this point onward, you will lose a lot of privileges that you've been used to. It will be hard to find love, and probably it will be impossible for you to have children. Your parents will, from this point on, see you in a different way, and although you have been the perfect son, they will look at you with the face of disappointment and disgust.

That’s what you inner voice tells you when you realize you might be gay. And the truth is, for a person that does not fit in the usual stereotype, all this is everything but ‘gay’. And so far, my inner voice was correct !

Before all this, I was used to the privileges of the ‘White, heterosexual male’. And believe me, there are privileges! You don’t have to worry about your race, gender, or sexual orientation.

Imagine, hypothetically, a negro in the 19th Century, that has always been mistaken for a white person, and now decides to end the lies, revealing his/her true skin color. This is quite a bad metaphor, but it pictures the loss of rights and position in society that happens today when someone decides to come out of the closet.

All the sudden, you step down from the ‘pedestal’ of society, and become vulnerable to the criticism of those who remain there. You become a second class citizen, that no longer has the same rights as everyone.

Before all this, I had girlfriends. We used to walk around downtown, holding hands, and occasionally kissing. Going to a bar, a cafe, or a restaurant together was the most natural thing in this world. All our friends would want to know who was the ‘lucky girl’ and your parents would probably want to meet her, maybe have dinner sometime. People inevitably think that if she’s the one, you would probably marry and have kids along the way… All was perfect in this picture, other than me. In reality, I was trying to have what was perfect to everyone else, but me.

If we now invert the situation, you’ll have my current life. Going to a cafe, bar or restaurant with someone I’m dating will probably happen only after checking if it’s LGBT friendly, or at least a progressive place. Holding hands in public, or kissing, will make people either curious or disgusted, and you no longer can go unnoticed. My parents told me that only I was welcome in their home, and that I should never try to bring anyone else. Everything concerning personal life that you thought was normal, cease to be.

Marriage and children are specially painful. First because they are, in most cultures, objects of success in personal life and happiness. If the law prevents you from having them, it’s basically the same as saying that the law prevents you from having a successful personal life.

Secondly, because these rights are regulated by the state, and if the state must treat every citizen in the same way, not recognizing these rights as yours can only mean that you are a kind of second class citizen.

When the state says you can’t adopt a child it’s the same as saying “You are not a suitable reference for a child, although you might be an exemplary citizen. He/She is better off without parents !”

This is a lot to digest. Specially for someone young that wants to start building a life. Someone that wants to have prospects, and be happy alongside someone. If possible, who knows, provide a stable and caring family for a child in need for a place to call home.

Accepting you are gay, is accepting that you have less right than everyone else. It’s accepting that you are no longer in the comfortable accepted groups of society, and that you’ll need to fight for your life. Happiness is no longer following what society wants from you, but to fight for what you want for yourself. It’s changing the status quo!