OPENING CREDITS FADE IN Logan sitting in low light interview setting in Kandahar Logan (VO) My name is Logan Ireland. I am a senior airman in the United States Air Force and... fuck... I didn’t tell my age. My name is Logan Ireland I am twenty-s <stuttter> eve—fuck! My name’s Logan Beck Ireland I’m twenty-seven years old and I’m a senior airman in the United States Air Force currently stationed in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Montage of Logan putting uniform on, getting ready for work and driving his vehicle. TEXT CARD Kandahar, Afghanistan Laila (VO) Hi babe!!! Logan (VO) Hey!! <laughing> Laila (VO) I miss you!!! Logan (VO) I miss you! Logan and Laila chatting on FaceTime. Screenshots of both. Logan (VO) Your hair looks good today Laila (VO) Your face looks good today Logan and Laila (VO) <laughing> Montage of Logan driving his vehicle. Afghanistan children and people on the side of the road. Logan (VO) How’s the wedding planning going? Laila (VO) My cousin’s going to make the cupcakes like we wanted. So exciting. But tell me about your deployment. Logan (VO) Every time we go to a different location there’s always a whole bunch of kids around... Logan and Laila chatting on FaceTime. Logan in his room. Laila on his laptop. Logan (VO) And I had my sleeves rolled up to where you could see my tattoo and they’re pointing to my tattoo like— Logan in Afghanistan crouched down surrounded by Afghani children Logan (VO) they wanted to see it and pointing to the ring ... and said, ‘Madam.’ They get that that’s my wife. And then they wanted my ring. Go figure. <laughing> Logan and Laila chatting on FaceTime. Logan visual in his room. Laila on his laptop. Logan (VO) I’m like, ‘No... <laughing>’ Logan and Laila chatting on FaceTime. Screenshots of both. Logan (VO) I love you. Laila (VO) I love you. Logan getting into his vehicle. Visual of Logan out on a humanitarian mission with other U.S. troops and Afghanis. Laila (VO) So what did your commander say? Was she all surprised and stuff? Logan (VO) My commander was a little surprised when I told her—I mean, she didn’t really Logan and Laila chatting on FaceTime. Screenshots of both. seem too fazed by it. I told her that I was transgender, that I was assigned female at birth that this deployment has really opened up a lot of doors for me, um, and other transgender members that are trying to serve in silence. Um, she seemed all for it. Visual of Logan walking across a firing range in Afghanistan with another troop carrying body armor, equipment, weapons etc. TEXT CARD Logan is one of an estimated 15,500 transgender people serving in the United States military. TEXT CARD Due to outdated policy still in effect, current U.S. Military regulations ban transgender people from serving. Visual of Logan with several other troops loading magazines with ammunition TEXT CARD Transgender people are twice as likely to serve than their fellow citizens. But current policy prohibits their open service. TEXT CARD Having told his commander in Kandahar that he is transgender, Logan now risks being discharged. Logan could now potentially be discharged having told his commander in Kandahar that he is transgender. Instructor off camera (VO) Contact right! Visual of Logan and other troops firing guns on the firing range. Hear gun fire. Visual of Logan carrying body armor, equipment, weapons etc. on the firing range. Logan (VO) My mind is completely wired like a guy. Every, everything I think about, operate, mannerisms, it’s completely male, one hundred percent. Establishing shot of Logan’s living quarters Visual of Logan walking down the corridor in his dorm towards the bathrooms Logan (VO) So we have four bathrooms and basically everybody just pairs up with one. There’s three right here... Camera operator off camera (VO) Turn the light on Logan (VO) ... this is the one I usually use with one of the other guys. And it locks. Has everything you need. Visual of Logan walking down the corridor in his dorm towards his bedroom. Opens a cabinet in his bedroom showing toiletries and a few medications on the shelves Logan (VO) But I just keep all my shots in here. And put them in a safe container for afterwards. Very inconspicuous. And in case somebody was to go in there I have my prescription already put in it. So they can see that it’s legal. Logan sitting in low light interview setting in Kandahar Logan (VO) There’s not a lot of people that know I’m transgender. It’s very much on a need to know basis. Um. Currently in Afghanistan... Visual of Logan unzipping his bag containing his needles, testosterone, alcohol wipes, bandaids etc. Logan (VO) ...there’s only a handful and those people are of higher rank than, um, then of course people that I came here with from my home station. Camera operator off camera (VO) How often do you give yourself a shot? Logan (VO) Um, so it’s every Friday Visual of Logan filling syringe with testosterone Logan (VO) When the other guys ask me what being transgender means I basically say that it’s just being assigned female at birth. Your mind is not come in alignment with your body. Camera operator off camera (VO) What’s the most awkward place you’ve done this? Logan (VO) So I had to give myself my shot one time in a port-a-potty. After doing it every week for over three years you just kinda get used to it. And that’s it. Montage of Logan’s life on Kandahar Air Force Base Logan (VO) What I like about this deployment is I can be authentic self. I’m just another guy. Whereas back home I’m still seen as female. I go by female regs and standards. Here in Afghanistan, a war zone, it’s like a vacation to me because I can be myself in such an austere environment. Logan and Laila chatting on FaceTime. Logan visual in his room. Laila on his laptop. Laila (VO) Are you ready to come home, babe? Logan (VO) I am, yeah. This deployment’s been great. But we have a wedding to plan, we need to get you to Altus. Logan and Laila chatting on FaceTime. Logan visual in his room. Laila on his laptop. Logan (VO) So the day I return to Altus... for one I’m going to be seeing Laila and my family, hopefully. After that I will need to tell my Commander back in Altus that look, Visuals of Logan’s work life in Afghanistan I am transgender. He probably put the pieces of the puzzle together already. I stand to lose everything. I stand to lose my career, my future, my foundation, and I—I will lose everything if I get discharged. Um, this takes away my medical benefits, this takes away my education benefits, it takes away the service I’ve done, um, and that I feel very proudly, um to have accomplished. It takes all of that away. FADE OUT FADE IN Scene from the car looking out the window. Laila on the phone, hands free. Laila (VO) Hello? Airman’s wife (VO) Hello? Laila (VO) Hi, is this Lauren? Airman’s wife (VO) Yes Laila driving the car talking on her phone, hands free. Laila (VO) So, um, the boys just landed in Dallas maybe about forty minutes ago and they’re getting ready to board soon. Once Logan messages me I will message you two and let you know when they’ve landed in Lawton and um, and then we can go from there. Airman’s wife (VO) Okay. That’s pretty good. Laila (VO) Okay. Well I will talk to you later. Airman’s wife (VO) Alright, thanks. Laila (VO) Thanks. Bye, bye. Airman’s wife (VO) Bye. Laila (VO) The wives and girlfriends of some of the troops that he deployed with, they’ve been nothing but wonderful throughout the entire deployment. But the thing is that they don’t know. They—I’m sure that they know about Logan being transgender but I’m pretty sure—and I’m almost one hundred percent sure that they don’t know that I’m transgender. Montage of Laila in the car. Shot looking out the car. Laila interview in home setting Laila (VO) My name is Laila Villanueva, I’m in the United States Army, and a Healthcare Management Administration Specialist. I’ve been in the military for twelve years... it’s a long time. Visuals of Laila in her workplace Laila (VO) And I’m stationed in Honolulu, Hawaii at Tripler Army Medical Center. Laila driving the car Laila (VO) When I first moved to Hawaii I had a supervisor who I was able to go to. As long as I came to work and I did what I needed to it was perfectly fine. Um, since then I’ve changed supervisors. My story and Logan’s story together, it shouldn’t matter about being transgender. What should matter is that Logan was that troop and looked after his buddies that he deployed with or Laila is that soldier that made it look effortless to take care of patients and have no regards to anything about our gender. What we identify as. It shouldn’t matter. Allyson in office setting interview Allyson Robinson (VO) The policies that prevent transgender people from serving. There are many of them and they are all wrapped up in the military’s regulations around medical readiness. They date from a time when our best understanding of transgender identities categorized them as mental illness. Those days are long gone. Similar to the way that being gay or lesbian or bisexual was once categorized as mental illness we understand it in a completely different way. American service members are already serving with transgender people. Right now there are eighteen other militaries in the world who allow transgender people to serve openly. The U-K, Israel, Australia. These are the countries that in the wars of the last two decades, when we’ve got in a tight spot, these are the people that we’ve wanted standing along side us and watching our back. Laila (VO) It’s, it’s a problem. I’ve been, I’ve been asked to correct the patients and let them know that they can’t use female pronouns but that in itself causes confusion. The patients are like what are you talking about? That is a female. No. That is a male. Visuals, montage of driving Laila singing Ginny Blackmore & Stan Walker “Holding On” in the car Laila (VO) Is that good? Laila (VO) Oh my God. We’re eight miles away. Visuals, montage of driving Phone rings, Logan is calling on FaceTime Laila (VO) Oh Shhh Laila (VO) Hello? ....Babe! Logan (VO) Where are you? Laila (VO) I’m driving Logan (VO) Well I’ll message you whenever we’re leaving here, ok? Laila (VO) Yeah, please. Let me know when you guys are getting ready to like get on the bus and head over. Logan (VO) Ok Laila (VO) OK Love you Logan (VO) Love you. Laila beams a big smile. FADE OUT FADE IN Laila standing on Altus Air Force Base watching the bus pull up with Logan. Laila watches Logan step off the bus, walk to her and they embrace Director (VO) That’s the bus, Laila. <pause> Ready? Scene from the car looking out the window Laila stroking the back of Logan’s head. Logan and Laila laughing. Logan and Laila kiss. FADE OUT FADE IN Establishing shots of family home TEXT CARD The military requires all troops to wear gender-specific formal uniforms, also known as ‘dress blues.’ TEXT CARD This issue came up in October 2014 at a farewell barbecue thrown for Logan before he deployed to Afghanistan. LOWER THIRD Debbie Reim Logan’s mother Pictures of Logan and his Mom, Debbie Reim Debbie (VO) I always joke around with my friends, you know that my lesbian daughter ended up turning out to be my straight son. <Laughing> You know, and I’d say you know, I’ll embrace him, you know, her or him Debbie (VO) I have a lot of gay friends, and even several gay cousins, but transgender is just not something I’ve ever heard of. So he had to educate me. Visuals of family barbecuing Visual of family eating outside Director (VO) So what’s been planned for the wedding so far? Laila (VO) A lot. Logan (VO) Everything. Almost everything. The venue’s been picked, the—dress? Laila (VO) I can’t tell you about the dress. Doug, step-father (VO) I thought you weren’t wearing dresses anymore? Everyone at the table (VO) <laughing> Logan (VO) Certainly not wearing my old band dress <laughing>. I think I can throw that fucker home. Doug, step-father (VO) Or your military dress... You gonna wear your dress blues, right? Logan (VO) My dress blues. Oh yeah. Debbie (VO) You’ve never had to wear that have you? Logan (VO) The dress blues? Debbie (VO) Yeah. Logan (VO) Yeah. Debbie (VO) You have? Logan (VO) When I, Mom, when I in-processed to Altus I had to in-process in blues. So I’m in-processing, okay, the first time they’ve ever met me. All they know is my name, which was my old name and female coming from Whiteman, blah, blah, blah that’s all they know. And they see me. In dress blues, female dress blues and it’s—you saw the pictures Visual of Logan wearing dress blues Logan (VO) It’s got a tie tab, it’s very female fitting outfit, but I look the way I do. Visual of family eating outside Logan (VO) And they’re using male pronouns the whole entire time and they open up my in-processing packet, they see my name, they see everything and they’re still using male pronouns. I’m like, holy shit. Tight shots of family members eating Logan (VO) I see them out the corner of my eye. They’re looking at my paperwork and then they’re looking at me, and they’re looking at the paperwork and they’re looking at me, and I know what’s going on.... something’s clicking with them, right? And one of the girls goes, “What did you get on your PT test?” “99.7.” She’s like, “Wow, that’s a really high score.” I’m like, “Yeah, it’s kinda high but I go by female standards,” and they’re like, <pause> and it just clicked. I looked at them and they’re like, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry Ma’am, I’m so sorry,” and I’m like, “Don’t ma’am me.” Everyone (VO) <laughing> Logan (VO) I mean do you hear, do you, do you hear my voice, you know? Tight shots of family members eating Laila (VO) But it is much easier for female to male transitions than it is from male to female. (Off camera) Debbie (VO) I agree. Logan (VO) It is, it is, I agree. And it pisses me off. So much because our scenario is almost the same. Laila (VO) It’s the same exactly Logan (VO) It is, yeah. Her command knows, she has now gotten her name changed, everything of the sort. But she has had way more issues than I have. Debbie (VO) Do you think it’s more of a—an acceptance Laila (VO) I think it is Tight shots of family Debbie (VO) Of female to male than male to female? Laila (VO) I work in a predominantly female profession in a hospital, so you have all these females that I work with and the select few males that I do work with, they don’t grasp that, they don’t grasp, ‘Well why do you want to be a female?’ Well- Debbie (VO) I am a female Laila (VO) Because that’s what I am. Photo of Logan with Todd, his father Todd (VO) My closest friends at work don’t know. I mean, we’re mechanics and everybody’s got their opinion Todd interview outside LOWER THIRD Todd Ireland Logan’s father Todd (VO) They know my daughter’s in the military, you know, and is in the military M-Ps, the police and I keep a few people informed on hey, he’s going to—uh—she’s going to Afghanistan, you know, and it’s like I wanna be able to talk with some people at work about—you know—because I am proud, you know. And I’m apprehensive too. You know. And I’d like to share that experience but I gotta draw the line, you know. I gotta watch what I say. Um, because it wouldn’t be that good for me at work. Visuals of photos of Todd and Logan as a child Todd (VO) It took me a while to come to this point. You know, this didn’t happen over night. I mean, through the growing up years, when I finally realized the situation— Todd (VO) I was just like the guys at work. Same attitude. Same, even though that was my son—daughter. You know, it was hard for me to accept. Photo of Debbie, Logan and Todd at Logan’s deployment send off But the bottom line is this is an American going to fight for your liberties that you have here. I don’t care what gender you are. FADE OUT TEXT CARD The day after Logan informed his first sergeant that he is transgender, the unit’s chief called Logan into his office for an unexpected meeting. Laila was waiting for Logan in the car. Current: The day after Logan’s return, he was unexpectedly pulled into a meeting with his base commander. Hi commander wanted to address his transgender status. Suggest: The day after Logan’s return his Chief called him into his office to discuss Logan being transgender. Logan talking to Laila in the car Logan (VO) So I was about to go do weapons firing and the Chief stopped me. He’s like hey Logan come talk to me real quick in my office. Alright. Roger that. I So we go in and he’s like hey man, I just want to thank you for everything you did in Kandahar. Um. We’ve heard really great things about you and the first sergeant told me about what’s going to be going on with you, like your story coming out and what-not. He said we have your back one hundred and fifty percent. Whatever you need to do. Do it. You know. You’re an amazing troop. You’re gonna go far, etc. He’s like, okay. Um. Your blues. They—you’re not wearing them, are you, or are you not? TEXT CARD ‘Blues’ refers to the gender-specific formal attire all troops must wear during ceremonies. Logan (VO) Because you have female blues and they’re way out of standards for you, you need to get rid of those. I’m like, no shit?! Laila (VO) So that means..? Logan (VO) That means I get to go buy male blues. Laila (VO) <Squeals with delight> That’s exciting! Oh my God that’s so exciting! Logan (VO) It is exciting. Laila (VO) My heart is like pounding really fast! Logan (VO) I got. I got so excited ‘coz like, that’s huge, you know. And I told ‘em like, yeah it was real big heartache for me in Afghanistan coming back and going to like the awards decorations ceremony and be in blues and I just wasn’t gonna go. He’s like, no, you will be in blues. You will be in male blues. This is a first to my knowledge. Laila (VO) Yeah... Logan (VO) You’re telling me to screw dressing—and now I’m going in male dress and appearance standards too so I don’t have to grow my hair out ... and I can have a shitty mustache. Laila interview in home setting Laila (VO) Because the military is such a manly environment it is way much more difficult for women to transition that it is for men. Logan interview in home setting Logan (VO) There are a lot of transgender troops. There’s over 15,000 of us, but I know a lot personally. They’re getting discharged left and right and these are good people for the military. Not a lot of people want to deploy and enlist. You know. But we do. Why not let us do that and give us the same rights? It’s just, it’s ridiculous. Logan (VO) Her unit does not support her whatsoever. They see her as male, they make her use the male restroom. They have her going by male regs and standards. Allyson in office setting interview Allyson Robinson (VO) Logan’s experience as positive as it’s been is really an exception to the rule. Logan interview in home setting Logan (VO) It sucks. I’m having all these great scenarios happen to me and be able to be seen as male and wear my male blues and she still has to slick her hair back and use the male restroom when she’s being, ‘ma’am’ed’ left and right. Laila interview in home setting Laila (VO) You know, people think that we’re different or sick or whatever— Logan and Laila in the ocean in Hawaii Laila (VO) whatever their opinions are of us but— Logan and Laila singing in the car Laila (VO) we are people too, you know. We live our life and we— Logan proposing to Laila in Hawaii Laila (VO) get married like anybody else. And we want kids, and we want a house, and we want—we do our jobs. Laila interview in home setting Laila (VO) In that there shouldn’t be any problem for us to serve openly. So. Sorry!!! Visuals of Logan in Afghanistan Logan (VO) There are a lot of transgender troops. There’s over 15,000 of us, but I know a lot personally. They’re getting discharged left and right and these are good people for the military. You know, you work alongside of me and you served, we went outside the wire together and we had each other’s backs together, right? So you didn’t see me any different then, don’t see me any different now and please, change your opinion on others like me. FADE OUT Allyson in office setting interview Allyson Robinson (VO) Our military is primed and ready to make these changes. What we lack at this point is simply the leadership to say the word and get it done. FADE OUT FADE IN Laila with photo at dining table Producer (VO) Is there anything that we didn’t talk to you about that like, in general that Laila (VO) Do you wanna talk about how we have sex? FADE OUT CREDITS