Residents of Queens, Brooklyn, Manhattan, the Bronx, and Staten Island say they’re thinking about inviting their new neighbor out for a drink.

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.


Recent arrival Keith McGregor, 26, has reportedly dominated conversations from neighborhood dive bars to uptown dinner parties, with New York’s 8.4 million inhabitants exchanging excited whispers about who this newcomer is and what he might be like.

“I can’t wait to find out more about this Keith guy who just moved in,” said Upper West Side doorman Patrice Hall, 53, who told reporters that while he doesn’t know much about McGregor yet, the young man’s name seems to keep popping up in just about every interaction he has with coworkers, friends, and neighbors. “I wonder how he’s adjusting to the city so far. People have been saying he moved here from a small town and doesn’t really know anyone, so if I run into him I’ll be sure to introduce myself.”


“Who knows? We may even have a few things in common,” Hall added.

According to sources, gossip about McGregor began to circulate last week, just moments after his rented U-Haul van was seen emerging from the Lincoln Tunnel into midtown Manhattan. News that he had already found a place to live in Bushwick and was interested in pursuing a career in graphic design spread quickly among cab drivers, shop owners, theater workers, Wall Street executives, and riders of the city’s public transit system, fueling speculation about the new resident’s tastes in music, TV, movies, and more.


New Yorkers who have spotted McGregor around town have reportedly tried to point him out surreptitiously to their fellow pedestrians and parkgoers. Many said they were fascinated by his simple-but-stylish clothing choices and had engaged in spirited discussions with other New Yorkers regarding what they could glean about his personality from the way he looks and dresses.

“My friend saw him reading on the subway, so I’d be curious to know if he’s into books,” said Harlem resident and Pilates instructor Kayla Green, adding that she “can’t wait” to meet McGregor in person and tell him about a couple of independent bookstores in the Village that she was confident he would “absolutely love.” “And I haven’t heard anyone mention a girlfriend, which makes me wonder if he’s single. If so, he’s in luck, because there’s a bunch of single people here for him to meet.”


“A big city like this can be a little intimidating at first, but hopefully he likes it here and stays a while,” she continued. “At least, longer than Jennifer [Chan] did. She left after just six months, and I’m still kicking myself for never stopping to say hello to her.”

While questions remain about McGregor’s impetus for moving to the Big Apple, local residents were in agreement that whatever the reason, they were happy—as always—to welcome a new member to the New York City community.


A particular cause for enthusiasm has been a neighbor’s sighting of McGregor moving an acoustic guitar into his apartment, which has led to considerable chatter among the city’s residents, with many privately expressing excitement over how much they look forward to hearing him play.

“It’s always a treat to have a new face in town,” said Brooklyn resident and recent college graduate Kai Tapplemore. “And it will be really great to have another young person like me living here. Whatever his personality or interests, I’m sure he’ll find a lot of fun things to do around town.”


“If he’s not too busy, I’ll see if he wants to hang out sometime,” Tapplemore added.

At press time, sources confirmed the entire population of New York was heading over to McGregor’s apartment to welcome him to the city and offer to show him around the area.