We are surrounded by opportunities for real human connections. Every day, we go through dozens of situations that encourage light and authentic interactions with the people around us. This is not about wanting to talk with everyone you come across, I am talking about those specific moments when you notice someone near you and YOU feel a pull to interact, when YOU want to say something… but you don’t.

…you are working at a coffee shop and there is someone next to you. You look at them, once, twice, maybe even a third-time :), you want to say something, you want to introduce yourself… but instead, you talk yourself out of it, you are too busy… you don’t have time…next time you look up they are gone and you are left wondering what if….

…you are standing in line, someone in front of you looks cool, maybe you like the way they are dressed or you just like their vibe. You are so close to each other, you want to interact, it actually feels kind of weird not to… You could compliment them but you are not sure, you hesitate… what’s the point anyway… and you pull out your phone…

…you go out to a bar to meet people. They are people all around you, you feel tonight could be fun and you go get a drink but you end up talking to your friends all night…

Opportunities are all around us, but instead of diving into the moment, we hesitate… We second guess ourselves and overthink our intentions until before we know it, the moment passes by us.

We make up excuses as to why it didn’t happen, why it was futile anyway. We persuade ourselves that we don’t have time, or maybe we just accept the fact that we are just not “that kind of person”. Either way, we censor ourselves, a moment here, a moment there, constantly moving further away from the connections we so desperately crave, dwelling instead in the comforting sidelines of the life we could have.

As we encounter these moments, the easiest thing is to brush them off and move on, but a few years ago, I started noticing something. There are days where I randomly feel more outgoing and approachable. Whether it be joking with someone next to me at lunch or having a nice interaction in an Uber-pool, I realized that these moments of connection would bring a smile to my face, make me feel light and somehow connected. More importantly, I realized that it made me much more likely to chat up that cute girl next to me or to crack a joke with someone in line later. This little insight opened a new perspective.

For a long time, I used to hide my lack of taking action behind some excuses around the outcome. These interactions could lead to a next friendship, opportunity or romantic encounter but what are the odds anyway…most of them would just be ephemeral at best. Until I realized that while focusing on the outcome is an easy way to measure success, it misses the point entirely.

If I am in a situation where I want to say something to someone, as long as my intentions are good and that I am respectful, why could I not, what is holding me back? But more importantly, what do I really lose by not going for it?

Though there are these exciting opportunities to connect and form new relationships, they are only secondary, a positive side effect. What I truly lose by dismissing these experiences is the opportunity to align my intention with my action, to be true to myself, to express myself and see what happens, to learn something new and grow each moment to the next. To not only feel connected to myself and others but to live in the moment.

What you are really loosing is the compound evolution that each of these small moments would have brought you.

How many times did you hold back in the last week? In the last year? Who would you be today if you had gone for it even half of the times in the last few years?

The only question that should be on your mind is:

“Did I express myself or did I censor myself?”

Once my perspective shifted and I understood the true gain was not just the potential of relationships established but, ultimately, the evolution of self-awareness gained, I began challenging myself to ask whether or not I was “censoring” or “expressing” myself in many moments of my daily life — and actively pushing myself towards self-expression over censorship.

Your self-expression, it turns out, is like a pipe, or a vein. As long as your expression is flowing everything stays clear but every time you hold back, every time you censor yourself, you create micro frustrations that add up one after the other and ends up clogging you. Making it harder and harder to express yourself. This is beyond the traditional difference between extroverted and introverted. You can think of it like the faucet in your kitchen, whether you want to open it twice a day or once a month is irrelevant, what matters is that when you open it, the water flows. Deconstructing this self-censoring habit and making sure to express myself became an obsession.

Suddenly, if I wanted to say a joke to the older woman in line, I went for it; If I wanted to flirt with the beautiful girl at the coffee shop, I went for it; If I wanted to socialize with the group at the table next to me, I went for it. The more I became self-aware of all the little moments where I wanted to say something, the more I realized the abundance of opportunities for connection and growth around me.

Some people I kept in touch with, some I did not, some I shared a good moment with and others an awkward one, but every time I learned something, I felt something, I experienced something that stayed with me and made me grow.

This post is an invitation to you, an invitation to be self-aware next time you want to say something and to say it. Let’s see what happens and definitely let me know :)

“Incremental progress leads to exponential growth” — Yo Yo Ma

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