







Kwame (Earth)

Wheeler (Fire)





Linka (Wind)





Gi (Water)





Ma-Ti (Heart)





Captain Planet

At least his customers know that he

will never put rat poison in the product.





Skumm is selling a drug that he calls 'Bliss.' After his hard sales pitch of "none of your problems will matter," the boy buys a pill while being encouraged by his anamorphic drug dealer to get "blissed out."





After taking the pill, the boy's eyes turn red and he begins to cackle hysterically. He then immediately decides to run out into traffic, where he is nearly hit by a car, falls to the ground, and hits his head against the curb. This causes the boy to laugh even harder. It also gives Venimous a chance to do the obligatory maniacal laugh and explain that his victim now feels no pain.





In the meantime, the Planeteers are shown doing basic maintenance on their flying machine under the direction of Linka. The group is taking a vacation to Washington D.C. so that she can visit her Uncle Dimitri, who works at the Soviet Embassy, and her cousin Boris. Linka hounds each member of the group about double checking their work and making sure that everything is done properly. When Wheeler attempts to make light of her perfectionism, Linka uses her stern Russian accent to sharply rebuke him and question his lazy American work ethic.





"Frickin' commies..."





After blatantly violating Washington D.C.'s no fly rule and landing right next to the Washington Monument without causing an international incident, Linka departs from the group to see her uncle. When she walks inside, we discover that her cousin Boris was the boy from the drug deal/traffic incident that we saw earlier.





After coming downstairs to greet Linka, Boris does what many people feel like doing when family comes to visit: He runs back up to his room, locks the door, and takes drugs. This causes him to come back downstairs dressed like an extra from a Molly Ringwald movie and act like a complete tool.





"What's happening hot stuff..."

At this point, Boris' father finally notices his son has a gigantic cut on his head, which Boris of course claims that he "doesn't remember" how it got there. Instead of taking care of his son himself, however, he asks Linka to treat the wound. Boris accidentally knocks the rubbing alcohol from her hand, which lands directly on the stove. This causes the entire kitchen to go up in flames in a matter of seconds.

As Dimitri goes to get the fire extinguisher, Boris asks Linka what they should do. Her actual response is:

"Use baking soda...and...WIND!!!"







Seriously, that's how it went down. Take a look:





"And don't let me ever hear about

you wearing sunglasses indoors again!"





Linka rushes back to her uncle's house to find that he has left due to "trouble at the embassy." The trouble turns out to be mobs of people that are high on bliss and committing acts of violence and vandalism all over the capital. But just as Linka begins to freak out over the possibility that her cousin may be a part of it, Boris shows up behind her.





He lies and says that he is no longer taking bliss, when in reality he has bought her a burrito and put a bliss pill inside of it. Linka takes the food, completely unaware of the future ramifications.









...or the hilarious irony of being

unknowingly drugged by a burrito.









Elsewhere, the Planateers receive an "Eco Alert" in the Washington D.C. area. Apparently, the city is going crazy due to people's minds being polluted by the drug, bliss. (See what they did there?). The team flies over to Washington, where they are set upon by a mob of strung out addicts under the command of Venimous Skumm.





Wheeler attempts to stop them with fire, but the mob simply marches through it, unaware of pain and only wanting to bend to the will of their drug dealer.





Bliss apparently shares some of

the same attributes as PCP and diplomatic immunity.





The Planeteers break from the normal order of last minute solutions and attempt to summon Captain Planet. The plan does not work, however, due to the fact that Linka is now also a bliss addict and under the control of Venimous Skumm.





The Planateers are somehow able to recapture Linka (though she is still completely incapacitated) and flee with her into the Capitol building. While inside, Ma-Ti uses his power (SERIOUSLY, HE ACTUALLY USES IT) to discover that all authority figures and security personnel have fled Washington like a bunch of pansies, leaving only roaming bands of drug addicts and the Planeteers.









At that moment, a large mob (which has now strangely begun to look like zombies) begins to surround the capital building like it was the mall from Dawn of the Dead





"Stop filibustering...and give us braaaains...."





About here is where things really begin to get weird. It starts with Wheeler exclaiming:





"If you were a zombie, where would you be...the Vice President's Office!"





At the time this episode aired, Dan Quayle was the sitting V.P. He may not have been able to spell very well , but that hardly made him a "zombie."





While Wheeler is making his veiled political attack, Linka attempts to let the zombies into the building. As Wheeler tries to stop her, she tempts him with bliss. As vaguely patriotic music plays in the background, Wheeler throws the drugs on the ground and demands that she snap out of it. While all this is happening, Boris hurls himself through the window, severely cutting his arms and causing his blood to spill all over the floor.











I know this sounds a bit too insane to all be happening at once, so here is the clip:













The 'Cartoon Network' logo has

never looked more inappropriate.

THE POWER IS YOURS!









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