Name: James Woods.

Age: 69.

Appearance: Narrow.

Narrow of body or of mind? Both have been suggested.

Really? I rather enjoy his book reviews in the New Yorker. You are thinking of James Wood. This is James Woods.

Oh, you mean the American character actor, best known during his heyday in the 1980s and 90s for playing seedy antiheroes and under-villains? That’s right.

I remember him from such films as Videodrome, Once Upon a Time in America and Casino. And The Simpsons, where he briefly replaced Apu at the Kwik-E-Mart.

Indeed. He is also a collector’s item among Hollywood actors, in so far as he is an angry conservative instead of a liberal.

How novel. Although he is rather cheerful at the moment.

How come? He has just won part of a lawsuit against a dead person who tweeted about him 18 months ago.

Is that wise? Arguably not. But like so many of his characters, Woods is not really a moving-on kind of guy.

What did the tweet contain? In reply to a comment Woods made about the media, it said, “cocaine addict James Woods still sniffing and spouting”. Yet I should clarify at this point that Woods is not, and has never been, a cocaine addict.

James Woods with Sean Young in the 1988 film Boost. Photograph: Moviestore Collection/REX

You certainly should. So his response was to sue for defamation, citing months of abuse from the same account, and demanding $10m (£8.15m) in damages.

Who was the tweeter? Well that’s the $10m question. The account holder called himself Abe List or @abelisted, but no one really knows. He was defending the case anonymously until his attorney claimed that he had died. Despite this, a Los Angeles superior court judge has now ordered that the name must be revealed.

Isn’t this a bit petty? That depends on your point of view. Woods says that people wrongly believing he is a cocaine addict could make him uninsurable and finish his career. Others say that it is just a bit vindictive.

What gave them that impression? His own tweet saying, “If you die, I’ll follow you to the bowels of Hell” probably didn’t help.

Do say: “I am the calm blue ocean. I am the calm blue ocean. I am the calm blue ocean …”

Don’t say: [redacted].