After an array of hot women, tires screeching on the pavement, and a street party, Snoop Dogg shows up on the screen in a blue suit tighter than the one Spider-Man wears, reminding us to "Save Money" and "Feel Epic" by shopping on the Internet.

1 Ice-T Records Dungeons & Dragons Audiobook

Some readers may only recognize Ice-T from his role on Law & Order: SVU, so it may come as a surprise to learn that Ice-T is one of the most legitimately terrifying rappers to have ever existed. He got his start as an actual pimp on the actual streets, as he describes in this video, wherein he calls Prince a prostitute and asserts that the best pimp will force a woman to have sex for money until she is dead. He may or may not have used his Army training to rob several banks in the 1980s, and his biggest hit is "Cop Killer," which is a song about exactly what it sounds like.

Warner Bros.

Which he wrote while filming a movie where he played a cop.

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Earlier this month, Ice-T spent two days recording the audiobook version of a new Dungeons & Dragons novel, because the casting director of said audiobook is one of the greatest heroes in American history. Ice-T was thoroughly baffled by the experience, claiming "Dungeons & Dragons is some of the most crazy, deep, deep, deep nerd shit ever invented ... this shit is impossible to read." You could print whatever combination of numbers you wanted on the price tag for this audiobook, and it would still be a pittance in exchange for the privilege of hearing Ice-T angrily narrate the exploits of a bunch of lute faeries and goblin chancellors. He insists that, given the current state of music, listening to a book is a much better investment of your time, and he truly seems to believe it, because recording a dramatic reading of a Dungeons & Dragons novel is literally the opposite of rap.

The third part of XJ's epic science-fiction novel is out now on Amazon. The first $0.99 novella can be found here, with Part 2 out here. Or leave a review and get a free copy! Poke him on Twitter and follow him on Facebook.

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