I will be the first to admit that I've had some truly awkward moments with my service dog- having her crawl into the stall next to mine in a public bathroom; cleaning mounds of dog puke out of the back seat of my mother's car less than a week after I got her; trying to shuffle people around me on the sidewalk because she decided to poop in the center of the walkway and then having to explain why I was late for class; trying to convince someone that it really was the dog who farted, in a public space of course, and yes I know it smells terrible; having people give me strange looks in a movie theater when they hear a loud and unexpected voice whisper, "Get back here! You do not need to go on a popcorn odyssey!" As awkward as these moments may be for me, none of them are as awkward as encountering someone who doesn't know how to behave around a service dog.





Now, before I get into the do's and don'ts of service dog etiquette, there is a word that I am going to repeat over and over again until it is no longer uncomfortable for all of you lovely people out there to read. Is everyone ready? Here we go:

BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS

I hope that helped.

Now that we have that out of the way, hopefully we can continue without this being too uncomfortable for anyone.





There are certain rules that one should adhere to when around a service dog that is not their own so that the dog can work the most efficiently, but instead of asking everyone out there to memorize a list of rules (which I know no one will do), I'm going to give you a simple rule-of-thumb that will make service dog etiquette easier than you could have ever thought possible. This will change your perspective on life. Are you ready?





Treat the service dog like a boob.





I'm serious. That's it. That's all you have to remember.









"AAAAHHH!!!! BOOBS!!!!! "GET THOSE BOOBS AWAY FROM ME!!!!!"





"Look at that girl's boobs! *points* Hey, everybody! That girl has boobs!"





"Am I allowed to sit next to you? I don't want your boobs to bite me or anything. Maybe I should just sit on the other side of the room..."









"Why do you have to have those boobs with you? I'm just not so sure they're necessary."





"BOOBIES!! *grabs without permission*"





"Are your boobs aggressive? Do they bite?"





"I just don't know how I feel about letting someone with boobs in here. It's just unsanitary, you know? You understand, right?"









"Are you sure your boobs are real? You aren't blind or in a wheelchair. How do I know you don't have fake boobs? Do you have paperwork proving that they're real boobs?"





"Are your boobs going to behave themselves? I don't want any disruptions."





"Look, honey! That girl has boobies! Go pet her boobies! What? What do you mean my kid can't pet your boobs? That's so rude of you!"





"Are your boobs going to be able to handle this situation? They aren't going to get scared and freak out, are they?"





"How dare you have boobs when there's nothing wrong with you! There is a disabled veteran out there that served our country that actually deserves to have those boobs, and needs those boobs, and you took those boobs away from them! You should be ashamed of yourself!"





"I know it's none of my business, but why do you have boobs?"





"Why is that girl allowed to have boobs in here! I want boobs too!"





As humorous as all of this is, it is actually a genuine problem for people like me who have a legitimate service dog for an invisible illness. Replace the words "boobs" and "boobies" with "dog," "service dog," and "puppy," and you will have a list of actual comments people have made to me- most of them by complete strangers who have never seen me before in their lives, and who began their conversation with me this way.





Please don't be the ignorant individual who makes comments like these, about boobs or service dogs. People who have a disability already feel like they stick out like a sore thumb. We know we are different. We are aware that we have a walking, fuzzy billboard saying that something is wrong with us. It will not kill you to not know what is wrong with us, nor will it kill you if you don't pet our service dogs. Going out into





So remember, if you aren't sure if you should do something around a service dog, or say something to the dog's handler, just ask yourself, "Would I do that to/say that about someone's boobs?"





Or better yet, just ignore the dog altogether and let it do its job. After all, that's why it's there.







If you enjoyed reading this and want to see more service dogs in the world, please consider helping the organization that I got my service dog from. These dogs change lives. I know my dog has saved mine. Even the spare change under the sofa could be enough to feed one of our dogs in training for a day.

http://www.marjthedogtrainer.com/glad-wags-letter/

There are certain things that no person should or would (hopefully) ever do in regards to boobs. The following is a list of things that if you ever said or did any of them, you would earn yourself a well deserved slap."Can I touch your boobies!?""Hi, little boobies! I've got a treat for you! You want a treat, little boobies?"public is already uncomfortable enough without having a random stranger stare, gawk, point at us, chase us, or make rude comments.