Season’s Greetings from Asahi y’all! I apologize for not being able to write (my new job makes me really busy), but because is the first day of winter break for my job, I feel now would be a good time to recap my adventures in the Land of the Rising Sun.

You know, this past year, one word has constantly been stuck in the back of my mind. It is a word that actually had little meaning to me up until January this past year. It is a word (to me) that should define every man’s life because without it, man has little reason to no reason to live. It is a word that fills your belly with fire, fills you with the will to live and succeed, and was actually the word that unified Japan back in 1615. What is that word?

野望（やぼう – Ambition)

But in order for me to effectively tell me what has happened to me, we need to go back to February 2013….

So without further ado, let’s recap the story of how I got to Japan, the few good times, the plenty of challenges, and the where I am today. So let me take you back to February 22nd, 2013 to start the story.

Part 1: Hitting Rock Bottom

After coming back from Kansai Gaidai with a very bitter taste in my mouth (I mean hell, my Japanese teacher told me to quit Japanese and that “I would be better off learning Spanish”), fate decided to throw a curveball at me when I was accepted into the Japanese Exchange Teaching Program (JET Program). I literally beat out thousands of people (tens of thousands) around the world for only about 500 positions. The feeling was absolutely surreal as I thought I would be joining the elite of the elite teachers in Japan (after all, JET is as high as being a teacher can get in Japan. Plenty of benefits, a pension, provided health insurance by the Japanese government, and a pretty good starting pay)…

Then…. I found out where I was to be dispatched….

I had no idea where Akkeshi was located (Actually, it’s in East Hokkaido). Nor did I realize the personal hell that I was about to enter. But at that time, I was so excited to spend at least 3 years out in the deep Hokkaido wilderness, where I thought that my Japanese would get considerably better (and believe me, it did)….

So fast forward to July 28th, 2013, I was already on the airplane to Tokyo Orientation when I first started to get my first initial doubts. Then again, with any sort of new job, it is absolutely normal for people to have jitters. I just shrugged them off and slept throughout the flight.

But when I arrived at orientation, my heart started to sink when I saw the new people from East Hokkaido that I would be “working” with (In actuality, to all those JET hopefuls who are reading this, you don’t really work with other JETs unless you are placed in a huge city Board of Education. Most likely you are gonna go to a small town or village Board of Education (BOE) deep out in either Hokkaido (where I was stationed), Tohoku (Fukushima, Yamagata, Iwate, Miyagi, Akita, or Aomori), Hyogo, or Kagoshima). They weren’t exactly the kind of people that I wanted to be friends with, particularly with one feminist (yeah, I DESPISE that word. To be honest, this is to all feminists, if you want to be equal, be prepared to be treated equally IN ALL ASPECTS, not just in some categories. But I digress here).

There was one person who more or less summed up East Hokkaido in eight simple words…

The east brings out the worst in folks.

Boy, he was absolutely right.

No sooner than I arrived in Akkeshi, I realized that I was screwed. The town of less than 500 had a very shady record with their past JETs (I won’t reveal their names here as it is not my place to, but the two biggest assholes will be called Jimmy and Timmy). Jimmy was the guy that I was replacing, and I realized why he was being replaced (or at least from what my former coworkers at the Akkeshi BOE and other schools have told me). Some of the things Jimmy did are SO DEPLORABLE that decorum prohibits me from publishing it online. Needless to say, I was replacing a guy that supposedly abused this town for three long years.

However, this lead to a doubt from me. If he was such a problem, why did he get resigned to a new contract TWICE? It made no sense to me at all. However, I hardly any time to think about him because I had a problem (or rather 350 problems) much closer to me than Jimmy was to me. They came in the form of….

Akkeshi’s Geriatric Population (Old Folks).

You have to understand that Akkeshi’s population is about 75-80% over the age of 55. When the Japanese economy died in the 1990’s, the town’s population went with it. According to town records that I read in their archives, the town/sub-prefecture’s population was app. 40,000 in 1975. I couldn’t believe that a once proud fishing village more or less became a ghost town overnight. Then came…. the Soviets.

Days before I left Akkeshi, I found out a story about the town. In the 1980’s, a Soviet fishing ship came into dock to seek shelter from a storm. The Russian sailors on board then caused a ruckus in town in the form of public intoxication, raping some women, and starting a few fights. Because of that, Akkeshi grew to distrust anyone whom was non-Asian… especially those who were tall and white (which I fit both).

Because of that, I was kept an “eternal vigil” by the old folks of Akkeshi. I was constantly followed in stores, people found out where I lived, peeked into the windows of my house, and was daily subjugated to 『帰れ、白人』、『消えろ、ゴリラ』、『くそロシア人』、『犯人』、and my personal favorite 『白いゴリラ』(In order, “Go home white boy”, “Fuck off Gorilla”, “Goddamn Russian”, “Criminal”, and “White Gorilla”. Even the kids that I taught in schools were advised by the old folks to avoid me in public because I would “corrupt their minds about the outside world”.

I endured it until December… when a personal tragedy afflicted my family.

The lowest point that I hit was on New Year’s Eve 2013. I was on holiday in Kyoto walking through the streets… when I got a phone call from my Mother. I got the worst possible news that ruined my winter vacation entirely. My grandmother, the only woman I called “Grandma” and introduced me to Japanese culture, passed away due to complications from Alzheimers. Before I left for Japan, her stage of Alzheimers hit the critical mark, so I knew that she probably would die while I was in Japan. Yet, I didn’t want her to die during the holidays (New Years Eve will always be tainted for me now. Technically, she died on 12/30/2013 in Texas, but in Japan, it was 12/31/2013).

In the first week of January, I talked to my younger brother Matt. I told him that my life sucked. I was constantly being stalked by people, felt unfulfilled at work, scared and alone, and was just totally lost. Matt asked me one simple question,

“What is it that you desire Mike?”

I couldn’t answer that. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I thought that three years in JET would give me total access to all of Japan, but let’s recap the crap that I went through….

– Daily harassment from the towns old population

– Daily harassment from the town’s “man-women” (Yeah, I was constantly hit on by women that weighed more than I did. NO FAT CHICKS)

– 5 hours from Sapporo on limited express trains (and to put it even further into perspective, if I wanted to go to Tokyo for a weekend, it would cost me nearly $900 for a flight out of Kushiro’s small airport. If I wanted to be cheaper, I could fly out of Sapporo-Chistose’s airport for $100 on a low-cost carrier, but it would cost me $200 dollars to take the train from Akkeshi to New Chistose Airport. Either way, I was screwed)

– Winter…. THE FUCKING SNOW. I swear that snow and ice…. oh man….

– Stupid JETs from the neighboring city of Kushiro made life more difficult (FUCKING FEMINISTS)

– Jimmy, Timmy (Timmy did MORE than Jimmy, but I would have to write a book on what he did) and their past actions

– Russians being stupid

I knew that something was going to have to change. But what would it be?

Part 2: The Birth of Mike’s “Yabou”

It was a cold night in January when I was actually invited to a small rock concert in Kushiro by the other ALTs. I was a little reluctant to go at first, but when another cool ALT by the name of Nick (name changed) decided to go as well, I relented and went also. I thought that it would be a good idea to get out of that frozen hell hole known as Akkeshi, even if it was just for one night… but little did I realize that I would change my life that night.

What happened was that after the small rock concert, there was a small after party at a local karaoke bar where we all went to. One of the people (whose name was lost to history :p ) said that we ought to sing some “silly or stupid songs” just for kicks and giggles. I agreed with him, as did Nick. Nick opened up the night with the famous Nirvana song “Rape Me” (which I wouldn’t have picked, but you know what, each to his/her own). Of course, Little Miss Prissy Feminist (bitch) calls Nick out for being a “chauvinist” or “person who supports rape” or something similar along those lines. I thought she was being ridiculous so I told her to shut her mouth and leave the room if she didn’t like the song. Never saw her again after that, but what I didn’t realize was that she then started rumors about me amongst the Kushiro ALTs. I was forever blackballed from other events (Nick was too)… but it was what happened AFTER that that changed my life.

Nick and I decided to get separate from the after party and go on our own after party. It was there when I really opened up to Nick about me feeling unfulfilled in Akkeshi. It was then when Nick said to me,

“What’s holding you back? You don’t have to stay here. Reject your contract extension and be done with it. I’m doing the same thing.”

It never crossed my mind that I didn’t have to keep my word to the Akkeshi BOE if I wasn’t be treated right by their people. But I then remembered that if I wanted to stay in Japan, I would have to take a major pay cut, but most likely, it would be in exchange for a better location in Japan. Or, I could come back to Texas after finishing and get my JLPT N3 certificate (which I later accomplished in Sapporo the month before I left). Regardless, I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders. I knew what I had to do on that following Monday.

The next Monday, the Akkeshi BOE offered me another contract extension…. and I promptly declined it. Of course, they thought I was joking and they offered me the contract extension paper to me. I told them again that I wasn’t interested. Then they started to get angry saying that I owe them for me getting over to Japan. Thrice, I told them not interested. Finally, my former manager told me to just sign the paper. I then did something so uncharacteristic of me…. I took the paper and ripped it in half and told them, “I expect to have my plane ride out of Akkeshi on July 27th this year as stated upon my completion of the contract. I am not staying here. Thank you for the consideration, but your town clearly does not want me around, even you guys.” I got up and left the meeting room feeling rather vindicated, but I knew that I just burned a bridge (I still don’t care that I did. They had it coming to them. In addition, I did sign a contract refusal document at a later date).

Since they couldn’t fire me since I was under contract (they would have had to pay me since I was a government official – ALT), I stayed in Akkeshi until that July. During the mean time though, the personal attacks against me started to increase in number daily. I started to go out only at night to get my groceries, I couldn’t go jogging because people would yell insults and me and (on occasion) would try and run me off the road, and I was denied service at most restaurants and establishments. It seemed that Akkeshi thought that I used them to get a Japanese visa (which is technically true), but I tried to reason with them and fit into their backwards society. But because everybody ostracized me because I was a foreigner, I was left with plenty of free time back at my apartment.

Most of the time, I was studying for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT), but I also had a Japanese PS3 too. I played WAY TOO MANY samurai related games. But there was one game that really influenced me, and that game was 信長の野望：創造 (Nobunaga’s Ambition: Creation). The game centers around Japan from the years 1551 to 1615 and talks about Oda Nobunaga and his ambition to unite a Japan that is torn by civil war and strife. Of course, you don’t have to play as Nobunaga, but any of the samurai clans that existed during that time period (the first clan that I actually picked was the Shimazu Clan of Satsuma (modern Kagoshima)). There, it talked about the Shimazu clan’s rise to prominence in Kyushu, and how they nearly conquered all of Kyushu before they were stopped in 1587 by the Toyotomi Clan. In addition, the game also talks about different major lords of the Azuchi-Momoyama too, ranging from Tokugawa Ieyasu (the guy that eventually “won” the game), Takeda Shingen, Uesugi Kenshin, the Later-Hojo Clan, Date Masamune, and the Mori Clan (to name a few). However, the story that I really liked the most was surprisingly Toyotomi Hideyoshi’s because it showed that if a peasant can accomplish amazing things (like unify the land under one banner), then I too can accomplish great things.

Of course, Hideyoshi also did a lot of stupid things as well to undermine his clan, which was enough for Tokugawa to steal the land away from him after his death in 1598. Hideyoshi waited too long in life to produce a proper heir (He was about 55 when his heir Hideyori was born in 1593), he instigated a war with Korea and Ming China (which made many people question his sanity), and… he supposedly had a small penis and erectile dysfunction all throughout his life, which gave him a sort of negative chip on his shoulder (Ok, that was a joke). But seriously, Hideyoshi did things to bring his clan’s ruin.

But regardless who I played as, it seemed that all the major samurai leaders all had one common trait amongst them, and that was ambition. Though it might not have been to rule all of Japan, most of the leaders were ambitious to rule their respective regions in Japan (with the major exceptions of Takeda Shingen and Oda Nobunaga). And I thought to myself “Most of these guys were in their 30’s or 40’s when they started their ambitions. If they were in their early 20’s, things could have been a LOT different”. And that’s when it hit me…

“What am I doing wasting my time in Hokkaido? My ambition lies elsewhere. But where, I don’t know yet.”

Part 3: Finding a Second Chance

By the time May rolled around, I was getting rather desperate to stay in Japan. I was not going to leave Japan feeling like I just wasted a year of my life here, so I decided that I would swallow my pride and stay one more year in Japan to redeem myself for a lost year in Hokkaido. I interviewed at Altia Central, with Interac (DO NOT RECOMMEND THEM), and other various little schools, but I eventually found a second chance with a chain of schools in Chiba Prefecture (Sorry, not gonna tell who until after I come back to America). It’s eikaiwa, but it’s better than nothing. The pay is lower, not as much hours, no company sponsored insurance, but I would get an apartment only 3 minutes from Asahi Station (granted a smaller 1K than the former 3LDK I had in Akkeshi), 2 minutes from the main school I’d be at, no need for a car, and MORE privacy.

In the end, I decided that beggars can’t be choosers, so I decided to join my current school. So far, there have been some good, and some bad, in Asahi, but that will be a post for another time and place. Let’s get back to Akkeshi.

Part 4: Mikey Fights Back

By the time July came, I was excited to come back home to America and just take a month off to rest in Texas before coming to Chiba. But I was also wanting to get back at Akkeshi (After all, Bluto did say “We have a saying here in Delta. Don’t get mad, GET EVEN.” It was then I decided to make my last night in Akkeshi the most memorable night I ever remembered. What I decided to do was buy a lot of beer and started “tagging” things with the full loaded beer cans. I remember that I dumped a few of them at the local spots in Akkeshi (Aikappu Misaki, their shrine near the water (don’t remember the name), and even dumped all my remaining stuff into the Akkeshi Bay. This was my send off present to them in the dead of night. I blasted hip-hop and my “favorite” kind of music (Mariachi) from my car at 2am to make myself heard even better. I’m still surprised nobody called the cops on me, but oh well… I guess what that guy told me was true.

The East really does bring out the worst in you.

The next morning, I left my trashed car in the Akkeshi Town Hall’s parking lot, and proceeded to my “final newspaper interview” with the local newspaper. I just stayed silent throughout the entire interview, which really put off the interviewer. The last question he asked me was “You absolutely have NOTHING to say about your time in Akkeshi?”, I just did one thing to sum it all up.

It was me giving him the bird.

I was released later that morning when my BOE rep dropped me off at Kushiro’s airport. I went on to party in Tokyo for a few days, celebrating that I never “rang the bell”

2015 is when my ambition will take flight! And I am looking forward to CRUSHING EVERYTHING IN MY PATH TO IT!!!!

Happy Holidays Y’all!