I was thinking about something today. I really like dick. I like the shape of it, the smell of it, the juice that it produces. There's nothing better than that feeling of initial penetration by a dick, feeling it part you, slide within, be gripped by your pussy muscles as if you were hugging it. I really, really like dick.

I also really like tits. As I was cruising through Victoria's Secret and trying to get glimpses of the chests of the women who were shopping around me. I was wondering which of them were benefitting from a great bra, getting their girls in prime shape. I wondered which were padded, which had big nipples, dark areolas... all that fun stuff. I love to fondle my own tits and even know when their consistency changes.

So it hit me. I really need to get myself a tranny for a lover.

The best of both worlds, especially in my case. A pre-op who still has that beautiful cock as well as having a set of titties for me to play with. It sounds great in theory. In reality I understand that most pre-ops want to get rid of their dick and don't like to identify with it. They're taking hormone replacements that would fuck with the size of that penis. The breasts would be smaller or fake.

But it was a nice thought.

I've always been fascinated with people who are gender dysphoric or in some other type of gender flux. I'm extremely transfixed by lesbians who look like hot young guys. I feel intimidated by drag queens who look better than I do on my best day. I can't look them in the eye, not because I'm afraid but because I feel I'm not worthy. This really incredible creature who is willing to buck the ultimate system. When you look at your gender and say: "Nope, this isn't me," I just love that.

I think I nearly sweated straight through my panties when one night I opened a blog by one of my Myspazz buddies, and discovered that she'd taken a series of pictures where she dressed in a suit and did a strip tease, slowly removing her clothing to reveal her chest bindings and then her DD chest. (Nipple rings and all!!) I giggled like an idiot for a couple hours afterward. I couldn't get over how much those pictures had twisted my mind in circles.

A boy who turned out to have tits? Dear Awesome! I was in heaven at the possibility of it. Sure, I understand that if those pictures were to have also contained pictures of her removing her pants, a vagina would have been at the pinnacle of her two long legs... but damn.

I'm more at ease around lesbians, even those who are rather butch. I've been hit on and approached by several over the years. The flirtation is much more respectful than I've ever had with men and I am never put off. It's extremely flattering and I end up apologizing profusely for not being gay. I would if I thought I could pull it off.

However, I own several dildos and vibrators. While they're great and do their jobs just fine, I would be a sad camper if I had to live a life without a living, blood engorged cock in it. I need that skin feeling, I need to feel that penetration. I need to grab onto the person it's attached to and hear them moan in my ear as they cum. Men may have their issues and I may have my issues with them, but that moment where they are the most vulnerable is enough to make me forget those issues, if only temporarily. I love a man's orgasm.

I'm feeling all over the place tonight, which is fitting for what keeps going on in my head.

I don't want to feel sexual and yet my hormones are going crazy. It's so fucking troublesome.



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