After being listed for one day at $4.2 million, Undiscovered Ski Area found an eager buyer, a man who realized, “You know what? I’ve been to a whole bunch of ski areas in my day. Hell, I figure I could run the fricken’ thing!”

Hours after the listing went live, Vinnie O., a 54-year-old Wisconsin-based Zamboni operator with an overgrown mullet, contacted the listing agent to make an offer. He later told reporters that his lightbulb moment occurred earlier this spring, while cleaning out his garage on a rainy afternoon.

“I found an old CB jacket from my twenties, when I spent winters in a shitty bus skiing across the West,” Vinnie told reporters. “The thing was plastered with faded lift tickets from different ski areas: Jackson Hole, Alta, Squaw, you name it! Sure, you could say I was on a ‘lot’ of hallucinogens, but I really paid attention to how they ran the show. I know damn well what it takes to keep a resort afloat. For example: lifties. Patrollers. Bartenders. See?”

Vinnie says that he clipped all the tickets off his jacket and weighed them.

“I’d collected five pounds of tickets, wickets not included,” he says. “And I just thought to myself, ‘Wow, five pounds is a lot of experience. How can I use this wisdom for good?’ Soon as Undiscovered hit the market, I answered the call.”

Among locals, Undiscovered is known for non-existent lift lines on its two slow double chairs, which access 1,000 skiable acres with a steep vertical drop of 2,500 feet and an average 599-inch annual snowfall. Hidden within a deep canyon in the heart of the Shangri-La Mountains, the turn-key property comes complete with a 4,000 square-foot Bavarian-themed lodge equipped with a cafeteria, sauna, and bar.

The family-owned ski area opened with one T-bar in 1965, making it exactly as old as Vinnie, “basically guaranteeing” the sale, he claims. The current owners have reported drastic drops in lift ticket sales over recent years, which they attribute entirely to a unique challenge: snow gophers.

“Undiscovered is a true diamond in the rough for core skiers,” the listing reads. “However, we must disclose that there is an invasive population of aggressive snow gophers, which burrow into the trails and attack slower-moving skiers. They also appear to have an insatiable appetite for snowboards, goatees, and Coors light.”

Vinnie told reporters he has a few ideas to drum up revenue.

“We can do weddings, but I also want to do funerals,” he says.” I’m thinking a burial service, exclusive for passholders, where we blast their ashes out of the avalanche cannons.”

For visiting skiers, Vinnie would institute a special jorts discount.

“It’ll be priced on a progressive scale,” he explains. “Jorts cut at the knee get you 50 percent off, jorts cut at the mid-thigh get you 75 percent off, and so on. We can set up a measuring station right next to the snow plot.”

As for the gophers, Vinnie plans to take no specific remedial action. In fact, he indicates that he might actually focus advertising efforts on the rodents, to attract skiers who enjoy the thrill of being chased.

Luckily, Vinnie doesn’t believe in climate change, so he doesn’t anticipate any issues with shortening snow seasons.