Dear Joel (Deadmau5/ Testpilot),

We have been through many adjustments throughout the years. None such as difficult as your smart mouth, or where we started. 💗 I’ll never forget the first time I heard your music. I was young. Still in my prime, and still full of futile exuberance. In my eyes, you changed electronic music forever. You set your own course. You set the bar. You made fun of us so-called “ravers” at that time. We didn’t care. You had us… all ears. We had never heard any electronic music like yours, and likely never will again. You changed EVERYTHING.

You IDEALLY SHOULD have CLOSED Ultra for their 20th anniversary. (I was pretty vocal about this fact). We all know, you helped them build themselves (among other festivals) into the superpower of festivals that they are known as today. l, like many fans, waited in line for tickets to see every Cube, including the new Cube 3.0. I attempted to wait through the Illenial massacre of Ultra 2019. At my age now, I just couldn’t stomach it. It wasn’t PURE. It wasn’t how I wanted to see you. After I left, I watched from the live-stream as you threw a microphone and discussed your discourse as has become common for your genius acumen.

You were worth every bruise I have on my body, although I never made it to your Cube 3.0 opening. As a female that bruises easily, I was willing to go to war to see what new ambiance you had in store. I watched through the roughest crowd I have ever encountered to see your set at Spring Awakening, and then the six-hour Testpilot mini cube set you had thereafter. My first Ultra you “filled in” for TheProdigy and remixed “Smack my Bitch Up” and I’ve never been more in awe of a set than the first time I ever saw you take over a stage. That was fucking ARTISTRY. I am arguably (a super) fan. I believe in you. (Luckily, I scooped up Red Rocks tickets and witnessed you in the most notable environment I could ever deem suitable for such an elite artist… read my recap HERE.).

I couldn’t care less what you say on social media. (Although, I’m proud you put the Twitter down). I ignore what you say in the world of video games that many electronic music fans, including my brother, can’t seem to tear themselves away from. (I don’t believe you mean to cause discourse with your words that are so easily taken out of context). I follow you for your depth of scope, your melodies, your music, your voice. (Who cares what Wikipedia journalists have to say today, really?) A voice you have done well to temper and adjust to the times of today. (Well done, by the way). As a journalist/fan, I couldn’t be more proud of what you have accomplished if I tried. Testpilot has grown to have your unique voice. Prydz has been great for you, and your Ultra set gave me LIFE. (I have been at every Testpilot set as a huge proponent of your alias’ sound). I haven’t danced like that in recent memory.

I have gone to the ends of America’s beautiful country to follow your best sets… and arguably, your worsts. I have wept as you have mended our seemingly musical relationship. I don’t care what the people reading think. (Ok, maybe a little). To me, you are the end all be all of all electronic artists. To me, you can do wrong, but with necessity. You give us the set we need, not necessarily, the set we want and deserve at the same time. I RESPECT that. True artistry comes from your pores. I know every track of yours like the back of my hand. No one can hold my true attention like you.

At any rate, I suppose today is #MCM, or Man Crush Monday. You are NOT just Man Crush Monday, as I am sure you are above a stupid HASHTAG. You are yourself. Flawed, as we all are. I have been here from day one and can say that following your career, has been the joy of my electronic music career thus far. Joel, thank you.

Jen Fall & deadmau5 | Photo via Alex Lamb