My father, who passed away earlier this year, was having major back surgery in 1986. While helping a co-worker carry a large piece of equipment at his machine shop, his back gave out and he ended up crushing discs in his lower back. It was the beginning of what would be a very painful 30 years or so for my father who lived out the rest of his life in significant pain.

As a nine year old boy, that day my father went in for surgery would be life-changing for me in more ways than one. To keep me from losing my mind in the waiting room, for hours during my father's procedure, my parents bought me two boxes of Topps football cards. To this day, I still collect both football and baseball cards and have a Colts collection that goes far beyond what my wildest dreams as a little boy in that waiting room at El Camino Hospital in Mountain View, California.

While my love for sports cards began that fateful day, so did my love for the Indianapolis Colts.

I remember pulling a few Colts players from those memorable Topps wax packs and each time I found a Colts card, I took notice of how much I liked the horseshoe on their helmets and the colors of the uniforms. When you are nine years of age, it's little things like the color of the uniform or a certain player you latch onto, like Eugene Daniel, that can get you interested in a team. One card in particular that I loved was of Colts punter Rohn Stark that read "Stark booms it skyward" and featured a hapless Tampa Bay Buccaneer desperately trying to get a finger on the kick.

I found out that the Colts had yet to win a game that year and started the 1986 season 0-13. For me, that was even more of a reason to love them. They were underdogs and I very much related to underdogs, being one of the shortest kids in my class. They appealed to me on a level that was relatable and encouraged me to root even harder for them, despite the fact that the local San Francisco 49ers, just coming off a Super Bowl win against Dan Marino's Miami Dolphins, would have been an easier and more tempting pick to be my favorite team.

Keep in mind, 1986 was long before the days of NFL Sunday Ticket, and living in Santa Clara, California was a long way from Indianapolis, Indiana. It was a rare occasion that I was able to see anything Colts related anywhere. I would scour NBC's 10-Minute Ticker, where NBC would update the games being played around the country, just hoping Indianapolis might be competitive against an AFC East rival like Buffalo, who were also struggling in 1986.

It was a rough go until the Colts made a change at Head Coach and brought in Ron Meyer, who led Indy to three straight wins to finish out the year. I vividly remember NBC showing a highlight of Eugene Daniel taking a blocked Atlanta Falcons punt all the way for the Colts go-ahead TD in their first win of the season. I was over the moon. It was my first positive experience watching Indy. I never looked back and became a Colts fan for life.

Living in the San Francisco Bay Area in the 80's and 90's as a kid was not easy when you were a fan of a team like Indianapolis. I was surrounded by fans of the Raiders, 49ers and Cowboys - all teams with far more success during those decades. I can't begin to tell you how often I would get made fun of for wearing a Colts Starter jacket to school. Even when Eric Dickerson brought some wins to the Colts in 1987, it still was a tough go. In fact, 1988 was the first year I decided not to go out for Halloween with my friends, instead choosing to stay home and watch a rare Colts prime time game on Monday Night Football. That was a special night as Eric Dickerson ran for four touchdowns. I never thought I would see the Colts drop 55 on the Broncos, who were led by future Hall of Fame quarterback, John Elway.

Fast forward to 2007, when the Colts defeated the Chicago Bears for the Super Bowl. I can't tell you how many people sent me text messages about how incredible it was that after all those years of toiling without a Super Bowl win, the Colts finally got theirs and how cool it was that I hung in there for two decades as a loyal fan of a team that couldn't find a way to win it all. That day was gratifying for so many reasons. Certainly, Indy winning the Lombardi was a joy, but knowing I had stuck with this team for so long, through so many disappointing seasons, was the greatest joy of all.

As a fan, I had "earned it," which isn't really to say that I did anything to help the team win, but stuck with them despite all of their shortcomings. It's something I take a lot of pride in, now a 40 year old man who has loved the Colts far longer that someone who started liking them when they became a contender. As someone who vividly remembers that awful 1-15 season in 1991, let me tell all of you reading this that things could be, and have been, far worse.

However, no matter when you became a fan, there's no denying that this is one of the most challenging years to be a fan of this organization. I don't need to tell anyone here that Jim Irsay made a terrible mistake in hiring Ryan Grigson and Chuck Pagano. I think we're all on the same page about that and hope that Irsay makes a move to change over the coaching staff. I'll be the first to admit, I've wanted to see Chuck Pagano get sent packing on more than one occasion, emotionally responding to seeing my favorite team look embarrassing week in, week out.

There's a sense of helplessness that comes with being a Colts fan right now, and it's one that feels worse than 1991. In 1991, I knew right away that Jeff George wasn't a franchise quarterback. His attitude was not one that commanded respect or showed leadership potential. With Andrew Luck, I feel like our team has a special player who we are wasting away despite the fact that we've had 15 years with Peyton Manning to blueprint what we shouldn't do as a franchise. Namely, we shouldn't ignore the importance of protecting the quarterback and remember how critical it is to create a stout defense that can help our franchise quarterback feel relieved of the pressure that comes with needing to do everything himself.

Because of this, I feel more helpless and saddened by the current state of affairs than I did in 1991. We have the one thing teams covet the most and seemingly ruined it despite knowing better.

Notice I'm using "we" a lot when describing team decisions. I'm not on the Colts staff and never once have set foot on the field for the team. However, there's an ownership of emotions and a strong investment, both personally and financially, attached to loving a franchise like I do. I feel like I'm a part of the organization. That's why this season hurts so much. I find myself watching every single Colts game and feel disappointed in myself for what feels like I'm wasting my time. It's not quality football. It impacts my mood and takes away from time spent doing other things that are very important, like playing with my four year old son or working on business items.

I truly find myself debating if not watching games for awhile will mean I am a "fairweather fan" or if it's a very real attempt to save my sanity and spend my time more wisely. After all, I've been through so much with this team, don't I deserve to take a break when things are getting this bad?

This post may have turned you off. I understand that. I know it gets tiring being on this site, reading about how people hate Pagano and aren't going to watch anymore. I'm hoping that my post about my decision comes across as less emotional and more thought out than people just slamming their fists against the wall, yelling expletives about the team. At the same time, perhaps this post speaks to some of you who are in the same boat.

Even though I'm just one fan, Jim Irsay needs to know that we, as a fan base, aren't going to put up with this. I spend thousands of dollars a year on Colts-related merchandise. Not happening anymore, at least until Pagano is shown the door. Hopefully, Chuck is given his walking papers soon, but be aware that there are no guarantees regarding his replacement.

I want to make it perfectly clear, I want Pagano to get kicked to the curb in the worst way. I would love to see him go full Jim Mora and lose his cool on camera much like Mora did when he tearfully and emotionally said he should be the coach in 2002 and was shown the door, along with his buddy coordinator Vic Fangio. When Chuck gets fired, this place will light up like a Christmas tree with green posts everywhere. But, keep in mind, it's instant gratification that will feel terrific at first, but will require patience for the long haul.

Try to remember how excited everyone was to see Scott Tolzien get benched for Jacoby Brissett or how elated most people felt when Ryan Grigson was replaced by Chris Ballard. People often love the next guy up when the other guy was so unpopular and universally despised.

Fast forward to the present and I'm hearing a lot of people here being quite critical of both Brissett and Ballard. Guys, I hate to tell you this, but it takes time to turn around a sinking ship. Very, very rarely do teams have a turnaround like the Colts did in 1999 when they went from 3-13 to 13-3. I can only imagine what this place would have been like when Peyton Manning started his first six games with 16 interceptions. I can see a lot of people calling for Peyton Manning's head on a stick, saying he was a bust. I can also see a lot of people on here saying that Reggie Wayne was a bust after two uneventful years to start his career. Imagine what Stampede Blue would have looked like after Indianapolis lost to the Jets 41-0 in Tony Dungy's first year. It would have been a lot of people saying Dungy needed to go and was soft.

Some of you might still feel Dungy was too soft. However, all three of the people I mentioned are either in Canton or someday are likely to have busts alongside the greatest men to ever grace the gridiron.

It takes time, people. It takes time for a team to move in the right direction. It takes time for players to develop.

Having said that, I encourage Colts fans to take a deep breath. Be patient. If you are truly fed up and can't take anymore, stop watching the games for a bit and invite yourself to breathe. Do something that feels like you are personally sending Jim Irsay a message.

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking some time away if it means you'll be a better person for it and can find a better outlet for getting upset, but don't keep coming on here cursing at the team and infighting with your fellow Colts fans. I'm seeing a lot of infighting here and it's embarrassing. We are Colts fans and should be able to have conversations here without name-calling and resorting to acting like we all know better. Come back when you have re-grouped and can handle the adversity.

But, again, remember that it takes time to get things moving in the right direction. For me, it took the Colts over a decade before they became perenially competitive and almost as long from being competitive to winning a Super Bowl. Sticking with a bad football team isn't for everyone and it isn't easy to do. But, if you really love this team and you really want to make the cut, you need to be able to tolerate seasons like this - plural, not singular. It's part of the deal when you get into a marriage where one party is a sports franchise.