Hi, my name is Umi Hsu. My pronouns are they/them/theirs. What are yours?

I wrote this article for the 2017 LGBT Calendar and Cultural Guide published by the City of Los Angeles Department of Cultural Affairs. Unveiled today, the Cultural Guide contains original artworks featuring LGBTQ artists in Los Angeles. You can download and read the LGBT Cultural Guide.

Gender and feelings of gender are complex. There is an internal dimension, how you feel on the inside, a deeply felt sense of self as male, female, a blend of both, or neither. There’s also an external dimension of how you present yourself in the world — via hair, clothing, and your roles within your family, community, and society. The body dimension of gender refers to your experience of your own body in relation to how society attributes bodies and physical features to gender categories such as male or female.

For some people, the experience across these three dimensions is harmonious. For others, the experience of gender at one dimension is out of alignment or at odds with another dimension. Understanding the complexity of these dimensions can help us disabuse ourselves of assumptions of gender based on biology or perceived cultural and behavioral attributes.

Gender experiences can be vast and multi-layered. They exceed the boundaries of mental shorthands and boxes created by social conventions. The way we use language often shapes our experience of gender. Pronouns function like a shorthand, a mental abstraction that we use to refer to someone. Beyond these mental abstractions are rich stories about a person’s feelings, struggles, and history of interfacing with gender. This compressed nature of pronouns can reinforce stereotypes and assumptions, affirm or erase someone’s identity.

For transgender and gender nonconforming individuals, pronouns can bring to surface social discomfort, alienation, and sometimes feelings of danger and lack of belonging. They can suffocate as well, or cause people to feel boxed in or put in the wrong box. These are feelings associated with being misgendered, e.g. being called “she” when an individual identifies as male or non-binary (neither male nor female); or being called “he” when the individual thinks of herself as a woman.

Pronouns should be self-determined, a way for someone to state who they are before others make assumptions about that person. She. He. They. Ze. Zhe. No pronouns. Name only. Each choice reflects how individuals feel internally and present themselves to the outside world.

We make decisions in selecting pronouns when we speak daily. Pause before making gender assumptions about your family, friends, colleagues, neighbors. Ask if you’re unsure. Making spaces for gender-affirming dialogs can be the beginning of a world of inclusivity. This starts from a place of humility and respect.