Okay, friends, how is everyone doing? It’s now time to discuss Ms. Loren Minardi in BaDoinkVR’s latest effort (complete with clever typography): mASSage.

So, the basic idea is that Loren’s your professional masseuse. You might be thinking, “What’s a masseuse?” Yea, that’s a real spelling bee sort of word. Well, a masseuse gives you a massage. I, personally, go visit a middle-aged Chinese lady once in a while for that.

I just walk into the room, strip naked and flop on the table. I leave the place as fancy-free as a born-again Christian at a backyard barbecue. Um… moving along…

Okay, so… let’s see how the Badoink boys describe their latest effort (lightly-edited):

“Loren is a professional masseuse, but when she oils your chest, her horniness wins. No towel needed as the brunette, sexpot massages your dipstick with her pussy and asshole until you spackle her big ass with your happy, cumblast ending. “

All right, that sounds like a good set-up to me. Not a heavy plot. Hopefully they get right to it and let Loren shove that pretty face in the camera. And, friends… Loren’s got a beautiful face!

Before getting to that, let me explain that I do these reviews based upon three main factors:



1. The woman: does she make a fella horny? . The: does she make a fella 2. The scaling: do things look correct and proportional? Is it immersive? Or is the woman’s head blimp-sized while her torso’s a toothpick? 3. Positioning: of the woman and cameras. Are there enough close-ups? Close-ups are important: their importance can’t be overstated. If you look at any VR porn discussion, it won’t be long before you see people criticizing a lack of close camera work…



So, let’s go through these things.

Loren Minardi: this is a fine-looking piece of skinny, brunette woman!

I mean… this is just the sort of gal who, historically-speaking, has made this particular man—me—go into full-fledged, man-fool mode.

Hey, I ain’t different from most fellas.

I think we all… hell, I hope we all… at some point were so stirred by a gal’s beauty that we played the fool.

That’s part of the human-man experience on earth! An essential part!

And, there are some gals you meet… you know… and they’ve got that beautiful face and like… an enveloping aura on a crash course with your man mind…

And, you immediately know: I’m in trouble.

Well, Loren is just this sort of woman creature. Oh, Loren baby: a skinny gal with a pretty face; long dark hair and boobie bouncers like ripe oranges.

I think I’m in love! …

But, what do we really know about Ms. Minardi?



She’s a woman. She’s 23. She’s from Hungary. Well, this is all you really need to know:

I swear, friends, it’s getting to the point where I’m wondering if there’s a Hungarian woman in her twenties who’s not an absolute sexpot of a knockout!

I’ll tell you what… when I was in Szeged: I fell in love with a Hungarian gal.

We had a full-fledged, intense romance. It felt like it lasted a lifetime. Even though we were together for about fifteen hours: that is if you include time sleeping.

But, walking around Szeged ain’t like walking around a shopping mall out here. Oh, I could go on…

All right, let’s talk about the scaling of this movie.

BaDoink’s been getting this right for a while now. If anything, it seems like their complete scale—what some call VR world scale—is just slightly large.

I’ve seen some mention this. As for me, I like it: everything in the frame is mostly locked into an accurately-proportional visual. And, I’m not getting warping at the frame’s top. That’s the thing that will really kill it. The scaling feels good to me