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The trick to winning general elections is not to lose them.

And this one is so bonkers that even if Theresa May gets a 50-seat majority she'll lose her job.

When she called an election she didn't have to hold, she was so far ahead in the polls she was predicted a 120-seat landslide.

In the seven weeks since she hasn't so much fought a campaign as shoved it in a blender, left the lid off and got it all over her face.

From terror to u-turns to uncosted promises she's shown herself to be about as strong and stable as Popeye in a spinach shortage, and in the doing has made Jeremy Corbyn look better than he could ever have managed on his own.

A 50-seat majority would usually be a resounding success. But when it represents a loss of confidence from not just the public but her own party as well you can bet your bottom dollar Boris, Amber and Phil - maybe even Gideon? - will be staging a leadership challenge just as soon as Brexit goes balls-up.

Because in less than two months she's shown us a lot of things about our Prime Minister we'd rather weren't so.

1. She's terrifying

(Image: Getty)

Theresa May not only shares a lot of Jeremy Corbyn's record of voting against anti-terror laws, when in power she watered down control orders into Tpims that are barely used and then diluted 28-day detentions without charge to 14 days.

How did she respond to three successful terror attacks in three months, all by people who were or should have been known to the police she's spent six years demoralising?

Er, strengthening Tpims so they're more like control orders and suggesting 28-day detentions. That's Theresa being tough - and being the same as Tony Blair.

2. She's strong and stable

No, really. She u-turned repeatedly as Home Secretary, she u-turned on her first day in Number 10, she's u-turned on helping the JAMs and u-turned on her first budget.

She's now managed the astonishing feat of u-turning on an idea in her manifesto that didn't even survive being read out loud. Such constant pirouetting on pointe requires fantastic balance, thigh muscles like nutcrackers and toes like club hammers.

And as any ballerina could tell you, it needs a strong core upon which to revolve around or you'll land on your arse. The woman's an athlete.

Just not a very good politician.

3. She doesn't like sums

(Image: PA)

There isn't a single sum in her manifesto. She's either innumerate, or so arrogant she thought she didn't need to bother.

A PM who can't add, subtract, or treat the electorate like they've got a brain. How wonderful.

4. She's not normal

(Image: Â© Petya Todorova)

When asked what the naughtiest thing she'd ever done was, she struggled to think of anything at all then said "running through fields of wheat" with her friends and leaving local farmers "not best pleased".

Now, most of us didn't grow up in an Enid Blyton book, but even if we did I'm sure we'd mention catching the smugglers or breaking into a haunted castle, not the poxy wheat.

Theresa is not only the sort of person who DIDN'T steal smelly erasers from the museum shop on a school trip, if you asked her to recall it later she'd only be able to remember the cleanliness of the bus that took her there.

It's normal to flout authority while growing up - Jeremy managed to get himself arrested, as all the best people do - and most of us can remember the interesting bits.

Theresa couldn't flout if you begged her. A PM who always toes someone else's line? No, ta.

5. Brexit still means bugger all

(Image: PA)

This was "the Brexit election", we were told. She needed "a strong hand" for talks that start in "just 11 days" in order to quell all opposition in Parliament to whatever barmy plan someone tells her to come up with.

Only Brexit got blown up with Salman Abedi in Manchester Arena a fortnight ago, and now that it's a terror election the voter has mostly forgotten about the EU.

That's the same evil EU with a sinister Schengen Zone of free movement which spotted London Bridge attacker Youssef Zaghba, put him on a watchlist, and then told us about him when he pitched up here because we're friends.

And what does the PM say? Brexit means Brexit. Thanks for that.

6. She backs the Naylor Review

(Image: Reuters/Getty)

Whatever you think of it, the NHS is an article of faith for the British. No-one who promised openly to dismantle it would be allowed to walk down the street unharmed, never mind elected to high office.

Yet the favourite to be PM on Friday backs a report which urges selling off £10bn of NHS land and buildings while making £22bn of cutbacks, which in plain English means £12bn less for the NHS while lopping off one of its legs.

No-one sane, no-one who's ever been sick, no-one who remembers what it was like before the NHS, no-one who's poor or Just About Managing or who's had an emergency, wants a PM who will do that.

7. She's scared of people

(Image: PA)

Some politicians are socially-maladjusted oddities, and some of them aren't. Theresa seems scared of just about everyone and everything except the One Show.

She's scared of debating Jeremy Corbyn, she's scared of being interviewed by Channel 4's Jon Snow, she's scared of making speeches to people who aren't fans and she's not too happy about emptying the bins or butchers.

That's why every attack line the Tories have tried has failed. From strong and stable to FEAR JEREMY they don't connect because Theresa doesn't connect. We live in an age of personality, where the kind of person you are wins the X Factor, lands a job or gets you elected to run the Free World.

Theresa has so little obvious personality that her best moment on the campaign was when she sat on a TV sofa with her husband and everyone saw that HE seemed all right, so thought SHE couldn't be all that bad. Sort of the opposite effect Ed Balls used to have on Yvette Cooper's leadership ambitions.

(Image: PA)

However this election pans out Theresa won't win the way she was supposed to. She will win despite alienating her party, she will win despite letting terrorists commit atrocities, and she will win despite Labour fighting a much better campaign than anyone expected them to.

By comparison if Corbyn loses he won't lose the way he was supposed to either. He won't lose as many seats, he won't lose as many votes, and he won't lose leadership of the Labour Party any time soon.

While a majority for her will still look like a loss, a loss for him will look like a win. I told you this was bonkers.

The net result is that Theresa started out strong and ended up weak - an unwelcome quality in ping pong, never mind Prime Ministering. And Jeremy did the reverse.

When the best thing you can say about the PM is that she's not the other one, you don't have much of a PM at all.