‘Appa, at least jackfruit you can eat, what you will do with information about first man on moon, first elephant on Uranus, first adai-avial on Neptune’

Respected Madam/ Sir,

What is the capital of Madagascar?

I don’t know.

How is the president of Canada?

I don’t know.

Who is the inventor of Beethoven?

I don’t know.

Where is the formula for Potassium permanganate?

I don’t know.

What is the capital of the aalumadoluma of the mandashiromani of the Bulgaria?

I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t care if you ask one more time who is the person who has committed murder in Anna Nagar and breakdanced on dead body then correct answer J. Mathrubootham.

Madam/ Sir, since childhood itself I have 100% total hatred of all GK quiz programmes. First of all there used to be quiz on All India Radio. My father used to listen and tell, “Hello, Mathrubootham, whether you know any information or your head is pure jackfruit.” Immediately I used to say, “Appa, at least jackfruit you can eat, what you will do with information about first man on moon, first elephant on Uranus, first adai-avial on Neptune.” Then I would jump out of room and run quickly before arrival of father’s footwear.

When I was in school same thing. During PT class if monsoon is falling and falling, PT master Captain Nair will say, “Ok children, let us do some exercise for brain with GK questions. Master Mathrubootham whether you can tell name of one country that is having equator line going through it?”

Bloody fool Nair just because ex-military with moustache means you are the managing director of Equator? I would immediately say, “Bulgaria.”

Madam/ Sir, you ask any quiz question I will say Bulgaria. No tension. If you give stupid answer then people will stop asking stupid question. This is excellent life philosophy for myself, please share if possible with youths in your office.

So what should Mrs. M do when housing complex people are organising quiz contest for senior citizens? She should say many thanks for opportunity but unfortunately we are unable. Mr. Mathrubootham is wanting to keep all his GK for private use only.

Instead what is she doing? She said, “Quiz oho! Immediately we will participate, please take entry fee for couple team of Mr. and Mrs. M.” Then she is coming home and asking what name to give our team? I said, “How about Public Humiliation of Husband Corporation of India Ltd.?”

She laughed and laughed like olden days internet connecting sound. And then said, “Old man, what nonsense. Just enjoy quiz, give two-three correct answers.” I said, “Kamalam, you please take part on your own, why in retired age quiz and all.”

She said, “Fine, no problem, I will ask Dr. Shankaramenon to come. He is true gentleman with guts. Also have you seen he has reduced weight last two-three months?”

Madam/ Sir, this is the situation in the house these days. Own wife blackmailing husband. I said, “Ok ok ok ok have some shame, I will go to Easwari Lending Library and read some GK books.”

Finally, what happened yesterday? Kamalam is answering question after question immediately like enquiry counter at railway station. Then we reached final round against Mr. and Mrs. F.N. D’Costa.

Quiz master Mrs. Nalini said, this is tie-breaker question, it is difficult question, world famous Danube River is flowing through many countries, whether you can name any one?

Mr. F.N. D’Costa said, “Is it Italy?”

Wrong, wrong thousand times wrong.

Then Mrs. M looked at me. She said, “Old man, say something, my head is kaali.” I said, “Kamalam, I told you from the beginning, avoid avoid avoid. Did you listen? Now you are asking me about river and country.”

She said, “Old man, say something otherwise people will laugh and laugh.”

I said, “Fine. Bulgaria.”

And now we are quiz champions of housing complex. One small trophy and gift voucher for online shopping.

Yours in too much intelligence,

J. Mathrubootham