Dear Rebecca Black,

Sometimes I don’t think before I speak. Due to my poor social etiquette I spend most days in a metaphysical cocoon of shame and regret. The good news is, that in time, my loved ones, job recruiters, and various church officials will forget the offense that resulted in me being slapped, fired, or excommunicated. This is not the case with social media; once something is in the Internets neon claws, there is no getting it back. Take for example; “Friday.” When it received such a huge and ridiculous Web reaction, the music wizards over at Ark Music Factory and your super star team of lawyers had it pulled from YouTube. But much to no ones surprise your video is still back up on YouTube. Face it Rebecca, “Friday” is never going away. Such is the nature of the Internet.

As an aspiring social media pop artist you have to be prepared for this type of thing. Hundreds of celebrities have faced scandal only to fight back and become accepted in the public eye again. Below are a few tips on how you can bounce back and turn “Friday” into a “Ruby Tuesday” (ugh, I am so sorry).

Stop trying to make “Friday” disappear

I am pretty sure that in thousands of years alien colonists will dig up time capsules and inside several of them will be DVDs. On these digital videodiscs will be a copy of “Friday,” the aliens will then immediately understand why the human race exploded in on itself and quickly depart Earth. By now your song is downloaded onto millions of computers. Every time your lawyers delete it from YouTube, two more will most likely spring up like a proverbial hydra. When you desperately try to censor something it will only make people want it more. Just let it go and move on.

Don’t buy into the hype

This is going to hurt to hear, but it is necessary to your moving on. “Friday” did not go viral because people loved it, in fact it would be the complete opposite of that. Don’t think that you can maintain popularity through staggeringly bad content. Instead reject all notions of popularity, hire a manager, turn the auto-tune way down, and become popular for your wins not your losses.

Shake off that bad image

From this point on everyone you talk with will be asking you to perform or talk about “Friday.” Do not listen to them, the more you let people brand you as “the girl who sang Friday” the more it will haunt you. Instead politely decline and offer to talk about your upcoming album and or how excited you are for winter formal.

I hope this helps you; all of us here at NewMediaRockstars only want the best for you. I can’t guarantee that following the above advice will make you the next Mariah Carey, but it may point you in the right direction. Now all that is left for you to do is rise from the ashes of “Friday” like the mythical phoenix of lore. I wish you the best.

Sincerely,

A complete stranger on the Internet