Occasionally people ask my opinion on various personal or church issues. I recently received the following question which I have reprinted below, followed by my response.

QUESTION:

Our grandson was raised in a Christian home, educated in a Christian school, and now attends the State University. He is in the University Fellows program and very intelligent but is now questioning his faith. Some background that may help you understand the situation includes the fact that his father was a preacher who was treated very poorly by his church. There was a conflict that resulted in the elders asking him to resign. Our grandson felt that the elders had acted very un-Godly, had under-paid his father, and had finally pulled the rug out from under him. I think that this and several other things that our grandson saw from church members while growing up as a preacher’s kid have had a negative effect on him. We would greatly appreciate your reading an email he sent us recently, your prayers, and any suggestions you would have for us as grandparents to help our grandson.

MY ANSWER:

Since I have seven grandchildren of my own I can certainly empathize with your concern for your grandson who is questioning the faith that he was taught from youth. You know he faces some critical decisions in the next few years and his faith in God (or the lack thereof) will determine the direction of his life and his eternal destiny. It doesn’t get much more important than that! And since we love our grandchildren we agonize over their choices in life. Following are my suggestions to you as his grandfather.

Don’t panic. I can tell from reading the email you sent from your grandson that he has a very keen mind. Most thinking people are going to experience doubt. Alfred Tennyson once said, “He who never doubted never thought.” One preacher was asked how his college-age son was doing and responded, “He’s doing fine. He’s an atheist this week.” Beliefs can change quickly in young people. Jesus was patient with Thomas and John the Baptist when they doubted, so you be patient too.

Be sympathetic with past problems but don’t play the blame game. It’s obvious church people didn’t treat his dad right. That is sad and certainly sows seeds of doubt and bitterness. However, there are plenty of believers who have experienced similar disappointments and yet held on to their faith. Your grandson can overcome it also.

Understand the battle is usually won in the heart, not the mind. First Corinthians 1:21 says, “For since the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.” Even the most brilliant person in the world will not, by human reason, arrive at the message of the gospel. It has to be revealed to us from above and then humbly accepted by faith. That kind of child-like faith is more difficult for the intellectual because, “In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God” (Psalm 10:4).

Avoid arguments. As believers we instinctively want to counter accusations against faith with persuasive arguments of our own. But intellectual pride is such that it will seek to win the argument with counter evidence and the result is to engrain the skeptic deeper into doubt. I would avoid having many intellectual volleys back and forth. Lovingly affirm your own faith and give him space.

Share literature and CD’s from brilliant believers. There are some excellent books and CD’s you could provide like The End of Reason by Ravi Zacharias, Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, The Case for Christ by Lee Stroble or The Faith by Charles Colson which will, at the very least, demonstrate to him that there are people much more intelligent than most of us, yet they are still believers. If he will read these books on his own he’s more likely to receive the truth than if he’s forced into brief email debates where he’s searching for counter arguments.

Be a loving example. The best thing you can do for your grandson is for him to see that his doubts don’t diminish your love for him nor threaten your faith in Christ. He needs to see a confident, joyous faith in you. One college student who was struggling with his faith requested a discussion with a well-educated, respected saint in his church. The two spent the entire afternoon just talking old times and reminiscing. The young man returned to school with a renewed faith. He never even brought up the big questions he had been wrestling with. He said, “I guess I didn’t need intellectual answers. I just needed exposure to a Godly example.”

Pray for him every day. Pray that God will bring the right people and the right circumstances into your grandson’s life to bring him to a strong faith in Christ. In the meantime, trust God to do His work and do your best not to worry.

A friend of mine who is battling anxiety sent me a copy of a plaque he received recently that read, “Good morning. This is God. I will be handling all your problems today. I will not need your help…So, have a good day.” Somehow that reminder lifted his spirits. I hope it will lift your spirits also because God promises, “All things work together for good to those who love him.” God bless!

– Bob

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