Man doing some deep thinking

By David Futrelle

Hold onto your hats! A Redditor has finally come up with an answer to the centuries-old question “what do feminists want?” Weirdly, he arrived at this answer while sitting on the toilet and (apparently) thinking about boots.

“Gentlemen, I had an epiphany on the crapper about feminism,” a Redditor called bangramanga wrote in the Men’s Rights subreddit today.

He began by repeating one of the favorite MRA fairy tales about feminism — that once upon a time it was good and pure and then mean ladies came along and ruined it.

Where did feminism start? Pursuing equal rights, equal job opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote. This was a very fair campaign that even men supported. They came out victorious. They have equal rights, equal job opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote, etc etc etc.

Wow. I mean, I had heard about the vote thing, but I was unaware that feminists had won all of their other legitimate demands and that they really had no more reason to even exist!

Today there is nothing a man can do in society that a woman can’t. In fact, most everything is in women’s favor today. They got the last say. But they’re clearly not satisfied with having the last say.

Those gals, always complaining, even when there’s nothing to complain about.

So what do you do when you need to fight a cause, but there’s no enemy to fight? You start inventing new enemies. Enter #metoo, #menaretrash and all the other childish crap we see today.

How dare these childish women speak out against … rapists?

When you have attained all the rights you were fighting for, but still want to fight, all that’s left fighting for then is to take rights away from others. This is what feminism became today.

Damn these women, taking away the rights of … rapists? Like the right not to be in prison even though you raped someone. I think that’s in the Bill of Rights somewhere.

Oh, but wait, there are men pushing feminism too?

And there’s men fighting along side them – their male supporters is a huge problem. White knighting beta-male orbiters licking those boots just in case they get to smash that poon as a reward.

Licking boots, you say?

[Y]ou can see that while they’re all up in arms screeching autistic noises about wanting equal rights, which they already have, it’s clear that their definition of equal rights is something else. I’ve started paying attention to what they’ve been bitching and moaning about, and … I believe I’ve figured out what they actually want.

You might want to copy this down.

Picture a woman walking three dogs on a leash.

Wait, what?

Now replace the three dogs with three crawling men.

Feminists want … three crawling men on leashes? Does each feminist get their own three men, or do they have to share?

What I’m trying to say here is they want 100% submission and 100% obedience from 100% of men. That’s it. Feminists will not stop their shit until they have every male on earth licking women’s boots on demand …

Boots again. It’s almost like someone has a bit of a fixation.

… and they will not stop until they have it where a man can’t even draw a breath without a woman’s permission and approval.

Pardon me from questioning this BONA FIDE FEMMMMENIST LOGIC but that doesn’t seem very practical. Imagine the paperwork! And it seems like it would be a giant time-suck for the women too.

[T]he less feminists have to complain about, the angrier they get.

Naturally. none of bangraanga’s colleagues in the Men’s Rights subreddit thought his toilet thoughts were a huge load of crap.

“These days, feminism is the expression of mental ill-health because of resentment, anger and jealousy.,” wrote one.

At the same time many women, including feminists, really want men to show some backbone and stop putting up with all this crap.

Apparently women secretly love it when you go on about how Bill Cosby’s accusers probably wanted the drugs he put in their drinks.

They try to walk on men, but despise the men who allow it to happen.

Nah. That’s not feminists. That’s my cat Sweetie Pie Jonas, photographed here while she was sitting on my chest.

We Hunted the Mammoth Legal Advisor Sweetie P. Jonus, Esq.

Another commenter thought the real problem wasn’t so much feminism but women and their irrational minds.

I believe women’s capacity to continue arguing long past the “rational” conclusion has more to do with the way they think rather than from feminism. As long as they are experiencing the emotion that drove them to the argument, they are going to argue. No amount of logic is going to make that emotion go away. If you intend to try to resolve the “argument” do something to make the emotion change.

I’m not altogether clear what this last guy is saying, but I think he agrees with the OP.

Those beta men who demanded equal right for unequal animal, viz woman are so stupid that they forget all these woman-talk are addresses to two years kids. After all, till a half century’s ago their evolutionary traits were so. Do beta men believe that evolution can speeded up in 50 years so there motherly controling tactics can be considered facts?

I’m not even going to try to parse that. Life is short and I have boots to lick.

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