Can you imagine living in a slasher movie universe? You've got some flamboyant monster out there eating people's faces and then effortlessly avoiding capture, ready to pop up in the next sequel? Of course you can imagine that, because we're all living in precisely such a universe. As we've shown you many times before , the world is full of bizarre, gruesome crimes so baffling and creepy that the only one-liner the investigators would muster up is "I've got nothing. Please hold me."

6 A Cellphone Found In A Cab Contains A Video Of Four Unknown Men Being Murdered ... In The Middle Of The Ocean

In 2014, a student got in a taxicab in Fiji and found a cellphone someone else had left behind. Either wanting to locate the owner or hoping to find lewd photos (most likely a combination of both), he decided to look at the contents of the phone. What he found was a ten-minute video of four men being murdered while clinging to wreckage in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by four ships.

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Over 40 rounds were fired into the victims, even as they raised their arms in surrender, while an unidentified voice kept yelling "shoot, shoot, shoot" in Mandarin over loudspeakers. And of course the student posted that shit right on YouTube.

via The New York Times

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It Gets Weirder ...

To this day, no one has any idea who these people are. Authorities have ruled out the possibility of the video being a hoax (or, like, viral marketing for a new found-footage movie), but no bodies have ever been found, and there's no official reports of an incident like this anywhere. They think the victims were pirates who tried to mess with the wrong fishing boats, but that's only a guess. The murderers haven't been identified either, because it's not like they turned the cameras on themselves and posed for selfies ... wait, no, that's exactly what they did. For several minutes.

via News Corp Australia

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The only major clues in the video are a banner with "Safety is No. 1" written in Mandarin (how do they write "irony"?), along with a registration number on the hull of a ship passing by in the background. That ship was eventually identified as a Taiwanese tuna vessel called Chun I 217. The owner of this boat was tracked down, but had little information to offer, since he owns over a dozen fishing vessels and claims it's super hard to keep track of who he lends them out to.

Meanwhile, Fijian authorities have pretty much taken a "not our problem" attitude, since they've had no reports of any missing mariners and believe the murders didn't occur on their turf. Oh well, at least they tried.