It is a little harder to share in that unshakable confidence if you're on a flight where ...

People with a fear of flying often cite the sense of helplessness as one of the most terrifying aspects of the phobia. When you travel by air, you're entrusting your very existence to someone you've likely never met, nor know anything about, and that can be disconcerting. But of course, flying is the safest form of travel there is, thanks to endless safety measures and professional, competent flight crews.

7 A Pilot Rants Over the Intercom About Sex With His Flight Attendants

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In 2011, a Southwest Airlines pilot lamented to his copilot about how vagina-less his life had become. A common complaint, perhaps, but in this case he didn't realize the mic on his headset was on, and that he was blasting his lonely cock lament to every other flight crew in the vicinity trying to use the frequency, as well as the air traffic control towers. And as bad as you think it was, trust us, it was worse. Here's the audio file, if you want to listen to it. It just goes on and on.

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"My shrink told me I had mother issues, but that just gave me a boner."

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His lack of sex, as he would go on to explain to dozens of listening strangers, was through no fault of his own, but rather that of Southwest Airlines. They had apparently implemented a hiring policy that allowed for, in his opinion, far too many flight attendants who simply didn't meet his standards. He starts out with a statistical analysis, playing it conservatively by only offending homosexuals and older women:

"Well, I had Tucson to Indy all four weeks and, uh, Chicago crews ... there's 12 flight attendants ... 11 fucking over the top, fucking ass-fucking homosexuals and a granny."

Via Momgrind.com

"Oh yeah? Well, you should have seen me back in the day, sonny, before the gender reassignment."

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He then upped the stakes by tossing in the overweight ladies, henceforth known as "grandes":

"Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party land ... After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes ..."

And then finally, he admitted what most of us were suspecting all along: