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James Dobson has been wrong about a lot of things for a long time. But one of his books tells victims of domestic battery something that’s not only wrong, but potentially dangerous. For over a quarter-century, the founder and former leader of Focus on the Family has told people with abusive spouses that divorce isn’t the answer, no matter how violent their spouse gets. Rather, they ought to try to change their abuser’s behavior.

R. L. Stollar of Homeschool Alumni Reaching Out happened on a copy of Dobson’s 1983 book, “Love Must Be Tough.” He was stunned to see the advice Dobson gave to “Laura,” who was at her wits’ end with her husband and his “violent temper.” At least once or twice a month, he flew into violent rages–and if Laura dared to open her mouth, “he beats me with his fists.” Laura but is fed up with having to “stay home for days” after her beatings.

Stollar was particularly troubled by a sidebar Dobson gave as part of his advice to Laura, in which he suggested that some women can “deliberately bait” their abusers into lashing out at them. However, the original advice isn’t much better. Dobson tells Laura that “divorce is not the solution to this problem.” Rather, she should try to “change her husband’s behavior” in order to try to save her marriage. He suggests that Laura ought to “choose the most absurd demand her husband makes,” and turn it down out of hand. Once the husband realizes that “he has a severe problem,” he and Laura should then begin deliberations for “reconciliation.” One term that should be non-negotiable is “competent Christian counseling.”

Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of things from religious right leaders that are so outrageous that I have to wonder if someone just made it up. This is one of those times. But Stollar noticed that passage was still there unchanged in the 2007 edition. I decided to check for myself–and sure enough, it’s still there in the most recent edition, from 2010. It turns out that Laura and her husband have been married for 12 years, and also have children. The guy shows two completely different faces–he’s a prominent lawyer and a respected leader at church. However, once or twice a month he flies into a violent rage–and if she dares to open her mouth, he beats her silly. He then blames her for bringing on the abuse.

You would think this situation would scream in capital letters, “End it, and end it NOW!” To his credit, Dobson does suggest that Laura move out “until there is reason to believe that he is willing to change.” But if the abuse has gone on for this long, this marriage is way, way beyond repair. If that’s obvious to a layman like me, it should be obvious to a trained psychologist like Dobson. And when you throw in that there are kids involved, you would think it would be a no-brainer that it’s time to leave. Well, apparently it’s a no-brainer to everyone except Dobson.

What makes this even more outrageous is that the 2010 edition is actually this book’s fourth edition. The second edition was in 1996, the third in 2007. You mean to tell me that in the 27 years between editions, Dobson didn’t realize that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t the best advice to give to domestic abuse victims? This is way beyond any possible good-faith interpretation. I take this personally, having been a victim of domestic battery myself. You mean to tell me that as much as my ex screamed and cursed at me, I should have tried to change her behavior–even when she didn’t even try to stop her son from threatening me?

But then again, this isn’t all that surprising. The evangelical world has been way, way behind in responding to domestic battery. Indeed, as I was reading through “Love Must Be Tough,” I found myself recalling the ordeal of one of my recently-divorced friends. She told me that after she left her husband of 20 years due to years of verbal and physical abuse, her pastor said she could have some explaining to do in heaven since she had no biblical grounds for leaving him. Granted, people of my generation and younger seem to be opening their eyes. But it’s going to take a long time to undo the damage done as the result of hurtful and just plain wrong advice like this from Dobson and others of his generation.