"C'mon you're red!"

Have you heard this one? "What do the Mayor of Toronto and Collin Samuel have in common? They both have more than enough to eat at home!" Hey-ooooo! Like a sociopathic Godzilla with dangerously high blood pressure, Toronto's international celebrity CrackMayor (TM) continues to rampage through our once-fair metropolis. TV cameras from across the globe are trained on "The Etobiyokel" awaiting his next scene from "Tommy Boy" - but hey - there's no such thing as bad publicity right? Forgotten local football club TFC sure would like a little free international press. Perhaps they should start highlighting their eerily similar Fordisms...



11. Both make regularly scheduled apologies to placate supporters

10. Their staff are constantly on edge over impending firings



9. Both court immigrants when it suits their marketing purposes

8. No one is ever quite certain what is truly going on in their offices

7. Both desperately want to live with the Argos

6. You can never quite tell if either are intoxicated

5. Both plagued by terrible football coaching

4. One said "pussy" live on national TV, the other play like "pussies" live on national TV

3. Both claim to have a 5 Year Plan

2. Neither likely to appear in a parade any time soon

1. Nobody really wants either of them representing our city

And... since we're talkin' similarities...