Disclaimer: This is an opinion piece written by Seraph IX Basarab. This Article reflects his opinion, not those of EN24

Greetings, my name is Seraph IX Basarab. I’ve been a writer here at EN24 for 4+ years and I mostly put up critique pieces discussing space politics. That means I find things that are interesting or dumb or laughable and comment on them. If that’s a difficult thing to wrap your mind around, do yourself a favor and read one of our other reader friendly non-trigger articles. If you think you can handle it, continue reading.

I’ve done these sort of reviews regarding Mitten’s speeches and they’re interesting for me to analyze. You can tell a lot about what a leader feels simply by how some things are said, or how some things are simply not said. I’ve used the title “ragevengeance” before and I heard mittens was really impressed with this via Marlona sky’s log leaks so I’ll use it as often as I can. Anyway…

So Mittens declared that the CFC will be purging Cloud Ring of troublesome entities such as Pandemic Horde [REKTD] and Northern Army [NARM], both newbie friendly feeder type alliances for Pandemic Legion [-10.0] and Northern Coalition. [NC] respectively. According to him, there’s confirmation of a “conspiracy” for all of the enemies of the Goons to work together and destroy the “Imperium.” Mittens literally said this is bad because killing the “Imperium” would be akin to killing the game. How so? Well they introduced so many people to the game that the loss of their coalition/alliance would mean losing all those people as well. However, I would venture to say that every entity in Eve is replaceable and we exist in a constantly changing sandbox. A bit of house cleaning would freshen up the scene.

So Mittens, would this ruin THE game? No. It would just ruin YOUR game. Notice the difference?

But seriously, what would pushing people out of Cloud Ring even accomplish? It just seems like a poor objective. You can jump from a station system in Cloud Ring to a station system right next door in Black Rise (lowsec.) The moment you leave, you’re losing that territory again in Cloud Ring. If he had stated that they were just burning down Cloud Ring towers for the lulz of it, that would be a realistic attainable goal. At this point Mittens has set for himself a goal that he’s never going to accomplish. It’s a bit like “the war on drugs.” Well you’re never going to win that war because you’re making an absolutist claim that can easily be challenged. Pandemic Horde and WAFFLES. [N0MAD] simply exit, CFC grinds some structures and claims objective complete. But wait! There’s more!

Afterward, Mittens claims he’s going to invade lowsec for revenge reasons against an unspecified alliance. I’m speculating it may be The OSS [OSS] since they didn’t click enough paplinks when they were part of Goonswarm Federation [CONDI] and are actually decent at this game, both things really seem to chap Mitten’s ass. Snuffed Out [B B C] has already been quite welcoming to the nullsec power bloc.

If this is any indication of how the CFC will fare, lowsec alliances should be in for a good time. Best case scenario for CFC is that they burn down some defenseless towers which get replaced the moment they leave. Worst case scenario the lowsec alliances team up and dunk CFC hard. If you were to combine Shadow Cartel [SHDWC], Snuffed Out, Psychotic Tendencies. [TISHU], The OSS and…Dead Terrorists [IKILU]? Yeah ok Dead Terrorists too I guess you’d be seeing 300+ man T3 fleets with slave set pods, triage, dreads and super alts on stand by. While CFC are busy afk rating their anoms, these lowsec groups generally tend to fight each other fairly regularly. Although within the context of a lowsec rivalry they’d be hard pressed to work together, introducing an outside force, particularly one as large as the CFC, may cause these groups to set aside their differences.

Despite eve reddit modzi’s being super jealous of Gumby’s meme girth and deleting his post, this notable Psychotic Tendencies. bad poster and grooming victim of a walmart pirate queen has created this high quality artistic rendition of what such a lowsec coalition would look like.

Also this is a VERY good read regarding recent events: https://www.reddit.com/r/Eve/comments/3thchy/themittani_announces_full_war_on_1k_newbies/cx6do1c

***A Final note on why I use the term “CFC” instead of “Imperium.”***

CFC, short for Cluster Fuck Coalition, is the original name of the Goons and their coalition allies. The change to Imperium was made simply so that CFC media could easily promote non-Eve related products. So in essence Mittens used his Eve popularity and transformed the name to Imperium as a way to make his brand more marketable in order to make money. Part of me is ok with that. After all who wouldn’t want to turn their favorite hobby into their source of financial revenue as well? The other part of me however feels that Mittens sold out and watered down the Eve authenticity side of things for personal wealth. If he didn’t have the talent to at least be somewhat classy and subtle about it, at the very least he could have settled on a better name. “Imperium” is simply stupid. Suddenly a capsuleer coalition in the north figured out they have a hard on for Amarr culture just like that. It’s a very poor transition.

Here’s an idea Mittens. Instead of the “Imperium” how about the “Hive.” It goes along with the whole bee thing Goons have and maintains that cultural continuity while still ensuring that you can sell zombie games and ad space all the same. Best of all the first three letters in “Hive” sums up most of your posts. Ayyyy lmao.

~Seraph IX Basarab