Kotaku recently launched Kotaku Core, a sort of newsfeed subsite that strips out all the stories about pointless topics like videogame politics, videogame culture, sexism in videogames and the tendency of videogame fanatics to avoid thinking about anything outside their tiny little world of achievements and death matches.

With Kotaku Core, you get access to a trickle of pure, refined, uncut news about videogames and nothing else, covering such important topics as how awesome that upcoming game is going to be, how awesome that new game is, and how that last game wasn't actually as awesome as we said it was, but we've received a screenshot of the sequel and how awesome is it going to be? So awesome.

As depressing as it is that some people seem to feel that the videogame press is insufficiently shallow, this appears to be the future of the internet. Rejecting even the thinnest veneer of actual relevance, readers demand to lick the frosting from the cupcake of news media and toss the rest in the trash bin.

Faced with such concentrated dedication to mass ignorance, the only moral option is to fight it tooth and nail, to ferociously battle the uninformed masses for every inch of the cultural landscape. However, culture defenders always lose, and morality is for suckers. So I say follow the three E's of profiting from ignorance: embrace, encourage and exsanguinate. In other words, give the people what they want, then drain them dry.

Far be it from me to tell Kotaku how to run its little strip club, but it seems to me the site's operators are leaving money on the table that could instead be tucked into any number of G-strings. Why stop with Kotaku Core when they could pander to denominators so low they're crazy?

Four examples, Big K. The rest is up to you.

Screenshot Madness ——————

Readers love their screenshots, examining each pixel for something to masturbate over and/or complain about. I'm certain publishers would be glad to create even more unrealistic and misleading screenies than they already do if there were a newsfeed that spit out every last image with no regard for novelty or plausibility.

Look at All These Rumors ————————

Does anyone even care whether rumors are true? Has anyone ever lost their job because they reported that unnamed sources say the next Animal Crossing game is going to feature full-frontal nudity and explicit beheadings? I'm not saying Kotaku should begin making up elaborately unlikely rumors to spin the fanboys into a froth. I'm saying the site should have started doing it ages ago.

Girls Girls Girls —————–

As long as you're offering a feed that refuses to address the sexism that suffuses the gaming community like bitter coffee in a rotting tiramisu, you might as well profit from said sexism. Pepper every article with gratuitous images of female characters, booth babes, girl gamers and random female members of the games industry, then count your ad impressions as the milling misogynists speculate on each one's cup size, sexual proclivities and willingness to date someone who considers BMX XXX to be classic erotica.

FanboyVision ————

This is the big one. We all know that, to the true gamer, loving certain games and systems is only a side effect of hating others. What's the point of owning an Xbox 360 if you're not going to denigrate the PlayStation 3 at every opportunity? If you want to rake in major bucks, just allow your readers to register their least favorite game platforms, franchises and studios. Never again will a Mortal Kombat fan have to hear a kind word about Street Fighter, and as far as any devotee of Call of Duty will ever have to know, the Halo franchise will forever be a tremendous financial and critical failure.

No need to thank me, Kotaku. Just remember me fondly when civilization is in flames.

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Born helpless, naked and unable to provide for himself, Lore Sjöberg overcame these handicaps to become hardcore, nerdcore and foamcore.