Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve been down on Eminem for awhile. I haven’t been the biggest fan of his since The Eminem Show dropped. Yep, there have been 3 albums that Marshall Mathers has dropped since then that I don’t care about. Encore was trash lyrically. Relapse was an overall strange album marked by the fact that he used a really ridiculous accent/vocal tone on a lot of the songs. Recovery seemed like an attempt at making stadium rap that didn’t have the typical Eminem vibe to it. One could say that I should have replaced all the toilet paper in my house with his last three albums.

When news of the fact that his next album would be called The Marshall Mathers LP 2, I was both excited and proceeding with trepidation. In my opinion, the original Marshall Mathers LP was his magnum opus and one of my favorite albums of all time. With classics like “Kill You”, “Stan”, “Criminal”, Eminem was zoning during the process of that album. When you were listening to that album, you knew you weren’t just listening to the best rapper in the world at the time….you were listening to one of the best to ever do it. It’s like Beethoven just wrote Beethoven’s 9th but on acid and then dropped the mic afterwards because he knew he killed it. That’s how good that album was. However, a part of me feels like this is a marketing ploy. He might be putting out the same old crap that he has in the past 3 albums with the idea that this is a sequel to one of the best albums since the turn of the century. The lead singles so far for the album are meh so far. “Survival” sounds like a mix of Recovery and Marshall Mathers era Eminem. Even though it sounds like a Beastie Boys retread track, “Bezerk” has grown on me.

But then Marshall dropped the bomb on us:

What the hell just happened right there? What was this? Huh? Where did this come from? Do you remember Em’s verse on “Forever”? THIS UNABASHEDLY SHITS ON IT.

Let’s take a look at a couple of parts of this song, shall we?

Well, to be truthful the blueprint’s simply rage and youthful exuberance

Everybody loves to root for a nuisance

Hit the earth like an asteroid,did nothing but shoot for the moon since

MC’s get taken to school with this music

Cause I use it as a vehicle tobust a rhyme

Now I lead a new school full of students

Me? I’m a product of Rakim, Lakim Shabazz, 2Pac N-

-W.A, Cube, Hey Doc, Ren, Yella, Eazy, thank you, they got Slim

Inspired enough to one day grow up, blow up and be in a position

To meet Run DMC, induct them, into the motherfuckin’ Rock n’

Roll Hall of Fame

Even though I walk in the church and burst in a ball of flames

Only Hall of Fame I be inducted in is the alcohol of fame

On the wall of shame

You fags think it’s all a game’til I walk a flock of flames

Off a plank, and tell me what in the fuck are you thinking?

What? Noooooooooo!!! This guy just referenced Lakim Shabazz. Do you new jacks even know who Lakim Shabazz is? OH MY GOD. HIS WORDPLAY! HIS FLOW! I CAN’T BREATHE RIGHT NOW.

I’m beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God

All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod

The way I’m racing around the track, call me Nascar, Nascar

Dale Earnhardt of the trailer park, the White Trash God

Kneel before General Zod this planet’s Krypton, no Asgard, Asgard So you be Thor and I’ll be Odin, you rodent, I’m omnipotent

Let off then I’m reloading immediately with these bombs I’m totin’

And I should not be woken

I’m the walking dead, but I’m just a talking head, a zombie floating

But I got your mom deep throating

I’m out my ramen noodle, we have nothing in common, poodle

I’m a doberman, pinch yourself in the arm and pay homage, pupil

It’s me, my honesty’s brutal

But it’s honestly futile if I don’t utilize what I do though

For good at least once in a while

So I wanna make sure somewhere in this chicken scratch I scribble and doodle

Enough rhymes to maybe try to help get some people through tough times

But I gotta keep a few punchlines just in case cause even you unsigned

Rappers are hungry looking at me like it’s lunchtime

I know there was a time where once I

Was king of the underground, but I still rap like I’m on my Pharoahe Monch grind

So I crunch rhymes, but sometimes when you combine

Appeal with the skin color of mine

You get too big and here they come trying to censor you

Like that one line I said on “I’m Back” from the Mathers LP1

Where I tried to say I take seven kids from Columbine

Put ’em all in a line, add an AK-47, a revolver and a nine

See if I get away with it now that I ain’t as big as I was

But I’ve morphed into an immortal coming through the portal

You’re stuck in a timewarp from 2004 though

And I don’t know what the fuck that you rhyme for

You’re pointless as Rapunzel with fucking cornrows

You’re like normal, fuck being normal

I can’t even. How does anyone even deal with this? The scary part is that’s only a part of his third verse on the song. The whole verse is venomous and ridiculous and all types of adjectives with -ous at the end of it. I’m -ousing all over the place right now. I really thought no one was touching Kendrick Lamar’s verse on “Control” but theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen I heard the last verse on “Rap God” and decided that the whole rap game needed to be shut down because of Eminemacare. This is health care reform for Hip Hop and my heart can’t take it. My president is black and the best technical rapper in the world is white.

And if at least half of the Marshall Mathers LP 2 is like this? Lord have mercy. The world is not ready.

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