‘If There Were Any Lingering Doubts, Rest Assured We Do Not Need Them Shown To Us’


WASHINGTON—Explaining that anyone with any lingering doubts could rest assured that the answer was an unequivocal “no,” women across the nation on Thursday clarified that they harbor no secret desire to see any of their colleagues’, acquaintances’, or complete strangers’ genitals. “We would like to state this as unambiguously as possible to anyone who might still be confused on this matter: We have never and will never want you to show us your sexual organs,” read a joint statement by the nation’s 125 million women, which went on to emphasize that coworkers, friends, friends of friends, and random people on the street or public transportation were in no way authorized to display their private parts to women under any conditions and for all eternity. “We categorically decline to view unsolicited photos and videos of genitalia, and we most definitely do not wish to be exposed to them in person. Please do not misinterpret our not asking to see your genitals as a sign of a deep but unexpressed yearning to do so. In fact, just to reiterate, we’re actually really, really against the idea.” The statement concluded by saying that anyone unsure about women’s feelings in the future could refer back to it as many times as needed, as it should be considered the final word on the subject.