"They took me down to Anfield and we waited in the bootroom. This old fella comes in who looked more like a retired doctor than a practising one. He took my blood pressure, nodded, then I went to the door because I anticipated that I’d be going out on the pitch for a run. Instead, the doctor called me back, asked me to bend down and touch my toes. That was it. I was signing for Liverpool, but the whole regime looked a shade Dad’s Army.”