I was 11 or 12 when I started to consider that disappearing from all of it was an option. I remember the first day I thought of it clearly. I even made a feeble attempt that day as well. Nothing happened from it other than being told that “that was stupid”. The irony of that is it was an alcoholic parent that told me that, The same parent who talked about killing themselves throughout my teen years. We were expected to feel guilty about that. It was just desire to get attention in my mind.

Well since then the idea of making myself disappear […]