In this episode, Kyle Kingsbury, retired UFC fighter and director of human optimization at Onnit, discusses the purpose and meaning that football and MMA gave him but which also acted as a distraction from his inner demons. Kyle opens up about his use of PEDs (steroids, testosterone, HGH) in college and talks about some of the misconceptions around them. Next, Kyle talks about his battle with depression and a close call with suicide that lead to life-changing experiences with psilocybin and ayahuasca—which really became the turning point in his own journey towards being more emotionally healthy, finding inner peace, and being a better husband and father.

*DISCLAIMER: The substances spoken about in this episode are illegal and by no means are we advocating for anyone to use them or experiment with them. There are physical, physiological, psychological, and legal risks around the use of these plants. This conversation is purely informational only.

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We discuss:

Growing up in a volatile home [6:30];

Playing college football at ASU, and letting go of NFL aspirations [15:45];

Kyle’s experience taking anabolics (steroids/testosterone), misunderstood science, and fear mongering [23:15];

Kyle’s experience with taking HGH [35:30];

The Whizzinator [36:45];

Struggles with depression and drugs, and a lack of meaning after football [41:00];

Kyle’s close call with suicide, and a spiritual experience [47:15];

Finding refuge with mixed martial arts, and Kyle’s early success in cage fighting [52:30];

Lessons from Kyle’s first loss in fighting, and training for the UFC [59:45];

First experiences with psilocybin and ayahuasca, quieting the monkey mind, and finding inner peace [1:07:15];

Overt vs. covert depression, depression in men vs. women, and the transition from adaptive to maladaptive behaviors [1:16:00];

Peeling back the layers with ayahuasca: Kyle tells stories about the most transformative experiences with psychedelics [1:19:00];

Does Kyle feel like he has lost his “edge” as a result of his journey? [1:26:15];

Where would Kyle be had he not discovered the power of psychedelic medicines? [1:29:45];

Parenting: Stopping the cycle of trauma, reconnecting to our ancestral roots, and Kyle’s opinion on ayahuasca as a potential tool for kids [1:31:40];

Relationship with parents, blind spots, compassion, and forgiveness [1:37:15]; and

More.

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Growing up in a volatile home [6:30]

Grew up outside of San Jose, CA in Cupertino and Sunnyvale

Fell in love with football at age 10

Played football and wrestled in high school

Kyle says he was a terrible student in high school

He never took it seriously

He like the attention of being a class clown

He would get into fights a lot in school

It wasn’t until college that he found any curriculum to be interesting or useful

His dad was a blue collar worker

This is probably what Kyle would have been if he hadn’t been athletic enough to play sports in college

At the same time, his dad really encouraged him to be “better” and go to college

A volatile home

Kyle’s parents did not have a good relationship

A ton of arguing

One of Kyle’s favorite books is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg “Whatever [nonviolent communication] is, my childhood was not.”

Parents divorced when Kyle was 16

His younger siblings did NOT want parents to divorce but Kyle knew it was for the best

He said his dad became a gentler, kinder dad after that

Ultimately,

his parents were psyched when he got into Arizona State (check out this dig at ASU by The Simpsons )



Playing college football at ASU, and letting go of NFL aspirations [15:45]

Before getting to ASU…

Kyle went to 2 different junior colleges (because he grades were so bad in HS)

He eventually transferred to Arizona State (ASU)

Football at ASU

He walked on to the football team at ASU

He played defensive line (both tackle and end)

Kyle said he didn’t have the physical size or gifted athleticism as many other guys

But credits his strength coaches ( Joe Kenn and Mark Uyeyama ) for pushing him far past his perceive limits

Partying at ASU

ASU is known as a party school

And it lives up to its name says Kyle

In fact…

{end of show notes preview…}

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