Ohhh the Incandenzas, why do I love you all so much? Mario just keeps breaking my heart with his earnestness and pure-heartedness. That poor, sweet boy.

Joelle nails it, “the whole family was lousy with secrets…. this pretense that overt eccentricity was the same as openness” (751). God, Avril is so weird / sad. It’s so tricky with her – what is she actually doing wrong? (Aside from her rampant weird sex life / affairs which clearly cross many lines that I don’t think could really be justified) She’s just on this weird, tall planet of ignorance, but purposeful ignorance, like she’s a phony but actually believes in the junk she believes about openness and communication between parent and child, and she barely gives Mario any straight answers but he just brims with love for her (of course he does, that sweet boy). But like Joelle says, it is so sad but implacable because it’s still always this “explosion of goodwill” (747) but where is the heart? She explains and defines terms for Mario, sure, but she’s so removed – like how could she possibly have a non-fragile sense of self, when everything about her seems like glass? If anybody knows what it means to be frozen inside, isn’t it her?! (766) The imprisonment is real, for Himself and Hal and Orin and basically everyone, but she doesn’t seem to get that even if she isn’t imprisoned she is still empty.

Like the diaper thing is a pretty blunt explanation – Hal and Himself really loved Mario. Avril just doesn’t. (768)

And bless Mario for persisting with his question of if a person can be more himself, or taller, after sadness. (768)

And Wallace is a genius putting Hal and Mario’s interactions right after Mario’s and the Moms’ – Hal is so forthcoming, and even though they still leave a lot of things unanswered, Hal just spills it all. And the funny thing is that Mario barely notices; he just loves. And Hal talking about Mario believing stuff – ties in perfectly with the Moms being dishonest in this way that I can’t quite pin down. Is the Moms one of those monsters? (774)

And as much as I usually adore Hal, and I really do think he loves Mario, I hate him when he’s asking Mario is he is even a real person. Just back the fuck off, let Mario love unconditionally, and take the anger out somewhere else (784).

Marathe and Kate Gompert’s conversation is gold – she just drops knowledge on him. She finally comes alive with the discussion about love and being chained / giving yourself away, and for WHAT – it’s like the love in Slapstick by Vonnegut, the whole “gun to your head” thing (781). Because it should be a choice. My respect for Marathe’s opinions just dwindles more and more with every passing page. I agree with his early take that there should be something bigger than yourself that you care about and believe in, but good night it SHOULDN’T be this weird devotion-for-devotion’s sake, like his poor wife clearly doesn’t even actually feel real love from him because it’s not real love. it’s discipline. it isn’t about her or affection or attraction – it’s just about choosing something to completely devote yourself to without actually considering the object of devotion (and not even really choosing, as Kate points out), and that is far worse than just not loving her in the first place.

The last 7 pages of this section were totally mind blowing. SERIOUS STUFF. illuminating, terrifying. and so freaking weird that molly notkin is the one to reveal everything. ok, so now we actually know what the hell infinite jest (aka the entertainment) is about, and Joelle really is deformed and why, and the fucking suicides, the stifling motherly love (EVERYTHING IS COMING TOGETHER AND FALLING APART ALL AT ONCE), and i don’t even know how/where to begin unpacking the pregnancy/death thing aside from the motherly murder thing, and the will is real, and more about Himself’s serious problems (“pathetic cries veiled as film” [789]), how much of a piece of shit Orin really is, and Avril’s disgusting affairs (though I have some doubts about Orin, though it makes 737 worth re-reading), and the layers of incest and how freely to accept that. I don’t even know what to say about 794-5 except OH MY WORD and WHY and HOW and JESUS CHRIST.