This is the SFW/censored version of this post. You can view the uncensored, sexually explicit version here on Pillowfort. All images are borrowed from the internet and are in the post because I like them. If you are the copyright owner or a person in the image, contact me: I’ll gladly credit you, or remove the image at your request.

This is part 2 of a four-part series on how to have sex with the owner of a clitoris and vagina – or whichever terms a person prefers for their sex parts – whether they be cisgender women or nonbinary and trans folks. I will release a new part to the series every week; you can find part 1 here. This week, we’ll go over all the ways a clit owner’s body is wired for pleasure.

Explore those sexy spots

Bodies have many sensitive areas that give out pleasurable, erotic sensations when they’re stroked, kissed, tongued, or played with in other ways. The clinical term for those is erogenous zones. Each person’s body is different, and an area that drives one partner nuts could be meh for another person. Areas that you can explore with a partner are the:

ears;

eyelids, forehead, and cheeks;

mouth and lips;

neck, nape, and collarbone;

nipples, but also the center of the chest;

stomach;

wrists;

upper and lower back;

inner thighs;

the vulva itself (and not just the clitoris and vagina);

back of knees;

and feet.

[Drawing of a nude person and their erogenous zones]

Any of these can make your partner feel really good and turned on, whether you are just making out or have more genital play on the mind.

What vulvas look like

No two vulvas are alike. They vary in colour and shape. Some people have long inner lips (labia minora); for some others, they’re short. Likewise, the head of the clit is sometimes obvious; at other times its discreet. People have different grooming styles also.

[A drawing showing the names of various parts of a vulva]

A lot of vulva owners have never taken a good look at their junk, and many feel self-conscious about it. If you have that equipment yourself and you’ve never done so, grab a small mirror and take the time to examine yourself (when it’s not dysphoric). It’s your body, and considering the pleasure this part of your body can give you, you should get acquainted with it. When a partner seems uncomfortable with their own vulva, make sure you send positive messages about it, and when you are both quite comfortable with each other, maybe you can propose grabbing that mirror and taking a look together also – if your partner wants to, that is. Likewise, when you lack a vulva yourself and have never taken a good look at one in the flesh, there is no shame in letting your partner know and asking politely if you can take a good look, if just to know your way around. Maybe you can even request the guided tour!

Everything you didn’t know about the clit

When you’ll try to get each other off though, the clitoris is where it’s at. The clit exists to provide sexual pleasure, and most of the physical pleasure their owner gets from genital sex comes from it. Most of the time, orgasms come from stimulating the clit.

[A drawing of the parts of the internal clitoris, and how large it is]

What you might not know is that the clitoris is mainly an internal organ. What most people call the clit – the bud under the clitoral hood at the top of the vulva – is actually it’s head, or glans. But although you can play with it, it’s extremely sensitive and a lot of people prefer to have it stimulated indirectly – through the hood for example. The glans is just the tip of the iceberg though: 90% of the clit is inside the body, below the surface of the vulva, and it surrounds the sides of the vagina’s entrance as well as its top. The clitoris becomes engorged with blood and swells up when the its owner gets turned on, like the penis does when a boner happens.

Vaginas: A-spots, G-spots, and hymens

[A drawing showing where you can find the G-spot]

For most people, the portion near the vagina’s entrance is the most sensitive part, because it’s surrounded by the internal clit. A lot of the sexual pleasure from any form of penetration comes from there. When you push up towards the navel a couple of inches inside the vagina though, you can start stimulating what people call the G-spot. You can usually feel it when its owner is aroused and you make a “come hither” motion with your fingers; there will be an engorged spot. There’s debate on whether the G-spot is just a part of the internal clitoris or is it’s own thing, but it’s a definite feel-good spot for a lot of people – although some don’t care much about it.

[A drawing who shows you where to find the A-spot, or anterior fornix]

Another sensitive and pleasurable spot in the front hole is one most people have never heard about: the anterior fornix, or AFE (Anterior Fornix Erogenous zone – exciting term, I know). People who know about it and play with it call it the A-spot, or deep spot; still, most people who have one don’t know it’s there. It’s at the deep end of the canal, between the cervix and the end of the vagina, on the face of the vagina that’s towards the front of the body (towards the bladder and pubic bone). When someone has their AFE stimulated by accident, they can think it’s the G-spot if they’ve never heard of the fornix, but people who are used to both sensations say they’re different. Also, stimulating the A-spot sometimes causes a lot of lubrication quite fast.

[Drawings of hymens and different ways they can look like]

Vaginas are about 7.5 cm in length on average – smaller than the average penis – but they are very stretchy both in length and in width. Being turned on is important to help the canal expand in a way that’s comfortable for its owner. Also, people with a vagina are born with a protective skin called the hymen near its entrance. Hymens have openings to let blood to flow during menstruation, and their appearance varies. Some are very elastic; others not so much. Hymens can break the first time someone inserts something in the front hole, but not always. Some hymens are just stretchy and return to normal after penetration. Sometimes there’s only minor tearing that heals. Hymens can break because of physical activity like sports, gynecological exams, inserting a tampon, or masturbating with fingers – many people who have never penetrated their front hole don’t have an hymen, just like some people who have done vaginal penetration many times still have their hymen. Hymens can bleed when they break, but oftentimes they don’t; there can also be just a little bit of pain, a lot, or none at all. Here are things that makes penetration with a hymen far easier for the person:

being relaxed, trusting your partner;

being very sexually aroused and well-lubricated;

starting penetration slowly and gently to give the hymen time to stretch;

communicating well between partners to make sure the experience is as comfortable as possible.

Fluids and orgasms

For most clit owners, it takes longer to get sexually aroused and to orgasm than for most people with a d**k. Keep that in mind when you’re having sex and you’re thinking of putting something in your partner’s front hole, or your own. Vaginas self-lubricate, producing vaginal fluids (they worked hard on naming those), but many people need to be turned on for a while to get enough lubrication for penetration. Some people lubricate faster or in larger quantity than others. The same goes for orgasms. For many people, their clit needs to be stimulated one way or the other to come, and it often takes longer and more sustained stimulation to get there than for a penis owner. Some people though orgasm quickly or even without any stimulation of the clit. There’s often more liquid when someone with a front hole orgasms, and some people have a form of ejaculation when that happens – that’s what many people call ‘squirting’. A lot of liquid can come out, so it’s a good idea to put down a towel when you expect orgasms to be on the menu. While d**k owners who have a period of time after ejaculating during which they can’t orgasm again, many people with a clit can have multiple orgasms in a row. For some people though, the clitoris becomes too sensitive after an orgasm for that to happen right away. Also, most clit owners describe their orgasms more as a full body experience than people with a penis, for whom the sensations are more focused on the genitals.

What’s different for a trans or nonbinary person in their medical transition

When your partner is AFAB and on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), they will be taking testosterone (T) regularly – this changes a number of things. HRT impacts each person differently though. T will make their d**k (what was a clitoris at birth) grow more obvious. There will often be less front hole lubrication too. How their erogenous zones and orgasms work will often be different than someone who isn’t on HRT. As always, communicate well to know what works and what doesn’t work for your partner, and how the two of you can enjoy having sex with each other best. We see a lot less AFAB people get phalloplasty or metoidoplasty (a guy here [sexually explicit] documented his meta and put up photos of the results) than AMAB people getting vaginoplasty, because phallo/meta yield results than only some people seek – most AFAB people who transition don’t have genital gender-affirmation surgery. When they have though, they are the best person to explain how their penis works, as those surgeries are done for different purposes for each person.

When your partner is AMAB and on HRT (taking estrogen), but they haven’t had genital gender-confirmation surgery, expect differences in the feel and texture of their penis and erections, and the consistency of the ejaculate is often different: it will be clearer and might not be expelled with force. As with someone on testosterone, erogenous zones and sensitivity changes also. Your partner might be able to use their penis for penetration, but this is not always easy or pleasant because of how the sensitivity and erections of the penis change – or it could be dysphoric. Everyone reacts differently to HRT so once again, communicate with your partner and ask what works and what doesn’t. When your partner has had vaginoplasty, they will have genitals that most of the time are indistinguishable from those of a cisgender woman. A person who’s had vaginoplasty has to relearn how sex works for them. Most people can orgasm and lubricate though – sometimes with ease, sometimes through more work. Some people can’t though. Like always, communicate well with your partner and have extra lube on hand when the two of you are considering any form of vaginal penetration.

Menstruation and period sex

Uterus owners menstruate – although some contraception methods, HRT, or menopause (when they are older) can prevent that. Everyone feels differently about menstruations and period sex. Some people avoid period sex. Some others don’t mind. Some people love period sex, and are particularly turned on and sensitive during their period, while others aren’t at all. Period sex has benefits in terms of making menstruations easier to go through. Respect each other’s comfort zones in that regard though, although I would encourage you to work on your views of menstruations if they gross you out (unless they’re dysphoric to you, of course) – that regular flow of blood and of what remains of a uterine wall ready to conceive is a normal part of life for uterus owners. Also, be considerate of a partner who is menstruating at the moment, as they could be experiencing a lot of physical discomfort, sometimes even pain.

When you have period sex, have a towel on hand that you don’t mind to prevent stains on bedding and other furniture. Mind the increased risk of transmitting blood-borne STIs like HIV, so using a dental dam for cunnilingus is a good idea. Dams and condoms are also handy when you’d rather just not have close contact with menstrual flow. Finally, although conception is less likely during someone’s period, it is possible nonetheless because sperms can survive up to a week inside someone’s body, so don’t ditch contraception.

Is it big enough?

Many guys worry about the size of their d**k… and yours is fine. People rarely list penis size as one of the most important things in their enjoyment of sex. Good communication, complicity, and having a partner who’s eager to give pleasure are all named as far more important things in having great sex. Penis plus vagina doesn’t equal instant ecstasy. Pleasure doesn’t happen by magic; everyone involved needs to figure it out together. Also, I’ve worked in a sex shop: I can tell you most cis women I’ve seen shopping for a dildo or a vibrator ended up choosing something smaller than the average penis. The average erect penis size for an adult is 13 cm in length and 13 cm in girth.

Don’t get me wrong: penis size can sometimes make penetration difficult or impossible, which also depends on the body of the person who wants to take the d**k. That can be true of a penis that is much smaller than average – whether its owner was born with it, grew it using T, or got it through metoidoplasty – but this can also be true of a larger than average c**k (see r/BigDickProblems): most people would be nervous at the prospect of putting a porn-sized d**k inside their body. That being said, vaginas start small and stretch as needed (within limits).

There’s also the matter of preference. Some people are size queens. Some others prefer a d**k that’s easy to put inside them. So yes, some partners could end up wishing that your c**k had a different size. But it’s rare that all sex acts will work as well as they could with a partner, and sometimes that act ends up being penetration. So focus on the stuff that works and makes you both feel wonderful – and toys are an option when one of the partners prefers something smaller or bigger. Most of your partners will love you and your d**k for who you are though, because they can use it to make you feel amazing – and in many cases, your d**k will give them awesome feelings too – and because you’re the person attached to it. They’re not making love with a c**k, they’re making love with you.

This week, we’ve talked about the ways people’s bodies are. In the next part, we’ll talk about many fun things we can do with those bodies, from fingering to using toys to going down on someone. See you next week for part 3!

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Check out all Sex Ed for Bi Guys posts here, including articles such as ”Am I bi?”, Butt Sex 101, and Dating Men, Women, and Nonbinary Folks.

