BURBANK, CA—Alex Trebek, beloved Canadian and long-time host of Jeopardy!, seems to have turned his mind more and more to existential matters as he enters his 34th year as host of the popular prime-time trivia show.

It's not clear whether it's the punishing schedule of five episodes a day or the decades of increasingly blurred lines between what constitutes a question and what constitutes an answer that have finally worn him down, but Trebek was reported to have rubbed a TV screen–shaped square in his fogged-up bathroom mirror and asked himself directly, "What is… Alex Trebek?"

Then, haunted, he looked toward the sink and was heard to mutter, "You have wagered… everything."

According to sources, he continued on.

"If Alex Trebek asks a question, or rather an answer, or rather a question… about the great historical achievements of, say, Napoleon… is he in some way sharing in those achievements? Or is he merely latching on to them, fruitlessly, and as precariously as each contestant holds the fragile buzzer? Has he forgotten to ask himself the ultimate answer: what have you done, Trebek?"

"Just what have you done???"

The oft-mustachioed game show veteran was then said to have shuffled slowly downstairs to the kitchen in his bathrobe, saying, "Every day… seems twice as hard, twice as long. The answer there, my friends, is that is the true Daily Double.

"Isn't that right, Johnny Gilbert?" said Trebek, to no response, just an echo, barely heard over the shrill, constant, desperate buzzer sound that, after more than 30 seasons, never quite departs.

"Isn't that right? Judges?"

"We'll be back right after this. I… I hope."

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