(I think we both know that pun was intended.)

Fuentes argues that findings based on “early hominins aren't valid for us anymore. Our bodies are substantially different. We have different birthing patterns than homo erectus.” The evidence is scant, he says, that a 45-degree curvature leads to better pregnancies. If men prefer backsides that are wedged at 45 degrees, and this desire has been around for millennia, then why are there still women whose bottoms protrude at every which angle? Wouldn’t those genes have been bred out by now?

Finally, “they don't even nod to the possibility that there could be cultural norms at play,” he said. “All of these young men might be watching porn. If you look at models, you'll see that stance is a common one in heels.” Might not seeing girls dressing up in heels as early as middle school, or watching the math-themed adult film A Beautiful Behind, have influenced these men’s derriere-based desires?

David Lewis, who now teaches at Turkey’s Bilkent University but who authored this study while at UT, countered that modern-day humans do resemble their predecessors in the sense that “women uniquely face the adaptive problem of a bipedal fetal load. That is an argument that is true for both early hominins and is—and always has been—valid for humans, from the beginning of our species’ history up until and including the present day.”

Lewis agrees that wearing heels makes women look like their spines curve the “right” way, but he argues that men prefer this look thanks to evolutionary underpinnings, not just because of cultural norms. “Has [Fuentes] considered that wearing high heels is a behavior designed to enhance women’s physical attractiveness, and that one of the bodily features that is accentuated by heels (in addition to the legs) is the curvature of the spine?”

After all, every morning when I’m trying to decide what shoes to wear, I think to myself, Let’s see, how many berries am I planning to gather after that 11 o’clock call? If the answer is “quite a few,” I go with stilettos. If they happen to simultaneously make my tush look more tempting, so be it.

I kid, of course. Having started this butt fight, I now feel I must bow out (pun inten ... I don’t even know anymore). This is probably one of those studies that, for the lay man or woman, is worth filing away for a particularly racy, yet nerdy, cocktail shindig, but not to live one’s life by.

It’s great that we’re living in the golden age of dumps like a truck. But at various points in history, prominent tuchuses have been about as sexually appealing as Snuggies. The flappers of the 20s strived for an androgynous, pancake-flat physiques. Even just a few years ago, butt implants were practically unheard-of in plastic surgeons’ offices. As the lucky individuals who stocked up on mom jeans in the mid-90s might now attest, fashion changes faster than you can say, “Do these pants make my butt look big?”