Your weird uncle Roger, who recently retired from the Post Office, is now an expert on COVID-19 and infectious diseases. Roger has no formal background in epidemiology, but he has had a deep interest in the subject ever since having too much time on his hands last Wednesday. In recent Facebook posts, he has laid out his detailed views on the virus, how the epidemic started, and what steps should be taken to combat it.

“I have been poring over the numbers,” Roger wrote after spending 20 minutes reading news articles that popped up on his Facebook feed, “and there are a few conclusions I think we can reach.” He went on to state that “we need to listen to the actual scientists, not biased politicians” before quoting a collection of leading bloggers, pundits, and tweeters.

He has taken his new role seriously, and shares his expertise by arguing with people on social media and chain-texting relatives the results of his research. His biggest tip for those worried about the epidemic is to remain calm and listen to experts like himself, since “there are a lot of idiots out there saying stupid shit that they know nothing about.”