MORRISTOWN, NJ — After years of exploring every option including liposuction, gastric bypass, cognitive therapy, and radical diets, one man decided to try a Hail Mary option and eat less food.

“I just wish one of the self-help and weight-loss blogs had told me this sooner,” said Derrick Baxter. “I’ve been afraid of carbs, gluten, and sugar for years, but I should have been afraid of the fork!”

“Every blog post I’d ever read told me big is beautiful and I should just be myself, but diabetes isn’t a joke. I was dying over here and the entire internet was clapping. I needed some tough love and Jack McGreggor’s book Eat Less Fatty, provided exactly what I needed to achieve a healthier lifestyle and overcome my gluttonous consumption habits. I used to tell myself I was addicted to sugar. Addicted to sugar? More like addicted to being a slob.”

“The first page of McGreggor’s book opens up with the single greatest insight I’d ever read on weight loss,” said Baxter. “You’ve never seen a fat person at the end of a 30-day fast. He’s so right too. The man’s a genius. I mean, look at me now!”