Ostrich UCF Super Bowl.JPG

UCF players celebrate their hard-earned NFL championship after a perfect season in the American Athletic Conference.

Matt Mitchell is the creator of The Ostrich, Walker County's least trusted news source, and was the 3rd round draft pick of the Denver Nuggets. This is a work of satire.

After finishing the season with a perfect 13-0 record and no losses to the New England Patriots or the Philadelphia Eagles, The University of Central Florida's football team has declared itself champions of the National Football League.

Blaming a flawed playoff system that excludes undefeated college football teams from inferior conferences, a spokesperson for UCF announced earlier today that the results of tonight's Super Bowl would be meaningless, as an exact replica of the Lombardi Trophy would soon be sitting in their trophy case.

"We've already cleared off space next to the 2012 Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl trophy we earned after a flawless victory against the mighty Cardinals of Ball State," announced Andrew Stamp, a spokesperson for the Knights. "If this keeps up, we'll need to upgrade to IKEA's medium-sized trophy case."

Just as they did for their college football championship several weeks ago, UCF will hold another parade next Sunday at Disney World to celebrate their undefeated NFL record.

"We're all extremely grateful that Disney has agreed to host our second championship parade of the year. Disney World is truly the only place on earth where, if you dream big enough, you can become a fairytale princess, a swashbuckling pirate, or a top-tier college football program," added Stamp.

As the news of Central Florida's newest championship spread throughout the NFL early Sunday morning, several teams quickly responded to the Knights' proclamation, calling it "categorically impossible" and "hilarious." At least five teams were under the impression that the Central Florida Knights played in the Arena Football League.

Using the same logic that earned them their first college football championship, the Knights were fully prepared to justify how they became the NFL champions and silence any non-believers.

"Since every NFL team is too afraid to schedule us, we have no other option but to compare how we fared against shared opponents. Last season we destroyed East Carolina, who defeated BYU, who toppled Hawaii in their final game of the season. The Eagles' Zach Ertz and the Patriots' Alan Branch both suffered from food poisoning while vacationing in Hawaii," explained Stamp. "So, yeah, I think it's pretty clear that UCF is the superior team here."

At press time, the University of Central Florida's football team was already preparing to claim championships in the newly resurrected XFL, the Little League World Series, and Dancing with the Stars.

[This is a work of satire. All content is the creation of Matt Mitchell, The Ostrich.]