The Domestic Violence Division of the Circuit Court of Cook County is in a surprisingly pretty brick building. No one there seems to stare much if you sob while you are waiting for your lawyer. The guard who asked me to remove the pen in my ponytail (so I would clear the metal detector) did so with impressive grace. Everyone is gentle.

The price of admission is abuse. In this court, your ex is referred to as the Respondent. I was there because my ex beat me.

If anyone had asked me before my beating if I would defend myself when attacked, I would have said yes, of course I would.

But I didn’t hit the Respondent back. It never occurred to me that someone who claimed to love me would hit me so deliberately and repeatedly. As he hit me, my field of vision shrank to the space inhabited by his swinging fists, and I was too busy shielding my face to do much. It turns out protecting your face takes a great deal of effort when someone is hellbent on wrecking it.