Here’s a joke. A liberal and a conservative are walking down an eerily quite city street late at night. A man appears. He has a limp, he’s waving a knife, and shouting some crazy shit about black helicopters, syphilis in the fried chicken and how the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel is the sign of the end of days . He’s now just 10 feet away. The crazy guy locks eyes with the liberal and conservative - he raises the knife in his closed fist -- demands their wallets, phones and jewelry. Both men are carrying guns.

Now, before he acts, the Liberal has to decide…

Is this guy really dangerous or is he just poor and hungry?

Was there a West Wing episode about this?

If I shoot him, will my kids need a bunch of therapy in the future?

If I shoot him, is my wife gonna say “You promised me you were gonna work on your anger.”

Have I ever done anything to piss this guy off? Do I OWE him money?

Maybe the system failed and this guy isn’t getting the help he’s entitled to?

Maybe he’ll leave us alone if I tell him I’m a big supporter of the ACLU and that I voted to legalize pot.

If I give him the money, he’s gotta promise not to spend it on drugs or liquor. I could point him to the nearest Trader Joes.

Meanwhile, the conservative guy? He takes out his gun and shoots the crazy guy dead.

Donald Trump is the worst thing to happen to liberalism since… Whole Food raised the price of hummos. Eight dollars for half pound? It’s mashed up chick peas, for god’s sake.

The brand of conservatism Trump is selling to his supporters appeals directly to the lizard part of their brain. It’s like what meth does for a tweeker… The difference being that when tweekers aren’t all hopped up on fertilizer and cough syrup, it’s NOT like talking to the cat.

Trump voters say they worry about safety… So, Trump promises to get rid of dangerous Mexicans and Muslims.

Trump voters say they worry about jobs… Trump promises to get rid of the Mexicans taking their jobs and bring manufacturing back.

Trump voters say they worry the country is falling apart… Trump promises to make America great.

Trump voters say they miss Chuck Norris… Trump promises to put Chuck Norris on Mt Rushmore and remake Delta Force.

Conservatives tend to see issues as either good or bad. Black or white. Which is ironic, because you tend not to associate “black” with conservatives. Decisions, for conservatives, are binary.

Big Government - Bad

State’s Rights - Good

Lower Taxes - Good

Strong Military – Good

Sex - Bad

Guns – Good

Immigrants. – Bad. Unless they play shortstop or are Sophia Vegara.

Criticism Of America – Bad!

Now, the problem with liberalism is that it recognizes that issues are nuanced. Not black or white. They are gray.

Do you have any idea how many shades of gray there are? 50. Probably more…

Wikipedia lists ash gray, battleship gray, gun metal gray, nickel, cool gray, slate gray, puce, taupe and cinereous. Cinereous? I thought cinereous was a web site that offered a cloud based solution to some data shit I don’t understand.

Liberalism is NOT binary. Liberalism is nuanced…

Liberals are against Neo-Nazis spray painting swastikas on a synagogue… BUT, if Nazis want to march on main street on Rosh Hashanah, liberals are the first to donate money to the ACLU to protect their right to do so.

And yet, liberals on Twitter will fucking crucify you if say anything bad about the female reboot of Ghostbusters.

Liberalism is nuanced.

Liberals believe in a free press… even when the press reveals the ugly truth that our military inflicted torture on Iraqi soldiers… which makes everyone reconsider how moral we really are.

Liberals want to see criminals locked up. You know, unless there are mitigating circumstances, like poverty, violence, or a poor education. Or, they operated a hedge fund that supported dog and cat rescue.

Liberalism is nuanced.

Liberals believe women should be paid equal salary for equal work, that that sexual harassment in the workplace should be punished… BUT liberals also fumfer about the subjugation women endure in Muslim countries… because… that’s a difficult situation over there, Muslims should have religious freedom, Saudi Arabia is our ally...

Liberals want government to subsidize the poor… but not to listen in on the cell phone calls poor people might make to their cousin Achmed in Yemen.

And the media doesn’t help. Nuance requires time. And TV doesn’t have time for clarity. TV has time for yes. No. Up down. Winner loser. Bad Good. “Explanation” doesn’t sell Cheesy Gorditas, Energy drinks and blankets with sleeves. If it did, PBS wouldn’t need Alan Alda twice a year to beg us to buy a fucking canvas tote bag.

But, if democrats want to change the course set by Trump’s 62 million voters, to win back control of the House and Senate in 2018… we’re going to have to do a better job selling liberalism’s virtues, defending liberalism’s virtues, explaining liberalism’s virtues and campaigning on them, too.

Jon Hotchkiss is a 14 time Emmy nominee, the former show runner for the series, Bullshit w/ Penn & Teller, a former writer for Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher, plus he has written or created lots of other TV shows your uncle doesn’t like. Today, he hosts Be Less Stupid, found for free on the streaming service, http://factbox.tv