IT. IS. ON

The Fiver knows the signs all too well. An inability to sit still; a delivery from Amazon of St George Face Paint that we don’t even remember ordering; and an uncontrollable reflex to shout “FOOTBALL’S COMING HOME!” at random people in the street. Yep, the days before England’s first match at a major tournament are the closest The Fiver gets to experiencing that alien concept called happiness.

England face Tunisia at 7pm BST on Monday, the first match in what should – should ­– be a relatively comfortable progression TO WINNING THE BLOODY WORLD CU – sorry, to the second round. And it’s happening again. We know England are not serious contenders to win the tournament. We’ve listened to every realistic, well-chosen word that has come out of Gareth Southgate’s mouth. We half suspect they’ll draw 1-1 with Tunisia and Southgate will be mocked up as Tim Nice But Dim in Tuesday’s papers. And after the xWCs of 2006 and 2010, we like this Age of Realism. We understand all that, but we still can’t help ourselves. BECAUSE IT’S ONLY BLOODY WELL COMING HOME!

“This team shouldn’t be burdened with the past because they’re a fresh group, most of them have very few international caps, so the future is all ahead of them,” said Southgate, dramatically serenading Henry Winter with an acapella version of the Stone Roses’ She Bangs the Drums. “They’ve got to be thinking about what’s possible, the players of the past and the opportunities of the past are gone. This team is looking at things in a different way, trying to play in a different way.” And they really are. They aren’t going to change the world or win the Ethics World Cup but they might make it a more interesting place – especially that Rufus Creek fella. Not since the 1990s have England had such a modern, likable side. We may look back on this tournament as the beginning of a change in the DNA of English football. OR THEY MIGHT JUST BLOODY WIN THE THING RIGHT NOW, EH!

Sorry, we can’t help ourselves sometimes.

In other news, how about that Super Sunday! Brazil drew with Switzerland and Germany were beaten by Mexico! The Mexican fans’ celebrations were so great as to set off earthquake sensors. Either that or our Mexican cousin Cinco had been overdoing it on the artichokes again. Those results are good news for England, and not just because of the intravenous injection of schadenfreude. England seemed set to meet either Brazil or Germany in the quarter-finals if they got that far, games they would be 110% certain to lose. Instead, they could now have an easier ride. We’ve said it before and we’ll definitely say it again: IT’S BLOODY WELL COMING HOME!

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Rob Smyth at 1pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Sweden 2-2 South Korea, Barry Glendenning for Belgium 3-1 Panama at 4pm – and Jacob Steinberg for Tunisia 0-1 England at 7pm.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“There have been many attempts of dishonesty. Even fake charity proposals. The number of strange offers is absolutely astonishing and, because of that, I have become distrusting of people. No one becomes my friend in one day. I have many doubts and my first thought these days, sadly, is: ‘This person wants something from me.’ But even if I weren’t famous, it wouldn’t be that easy to get close to me. I have my old friends and I keep them very close to myself. I know who I can trust. I don’t change my friends like socks” – Robert Lewandowski gets his chat on with Tomasz Wlodarczyk.

Such little respect for paper in all these portraits. Photograph: Stuart Franklin/Fifa via Getty Images

RECOMMENDED LISTENING



Here’s the latest World Cup Football Daily podcast, with Max Rushden and co, and you can find it in this general area every matchday evening.

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FIVEЯ LETTERS

“Has The Fiver given up Tin for the duration of the World Cup or is it preparing for afternoons and evenings of bingeing? Surely only this can explain why it is managing to produce its often-tardy tea-timelyish email at lunchtime. It’s managed to throw my day out, though” – Katie Maddock.

“Let’s hope a joint home nations bid for World Cup 2030 (Friday’s Fiver) succeeds – the tournament would provide a welcome diversion from the Brexit negotiations” – Mike Hollis.

“Given Germany’s one-paced and pedestrian display against Mexico, can’t believe that Jogi Löw didn’t opt to bring on the pace, penetration and width of the Premier League’s young player of the yea … oh” – Neil Gage.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Mike Hollis.

THE RECAP

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BITS AND BOBS

Sweden manager Janne Andersson has apologised after one of his staff was caught spying on the South Korea squad at a closed pre-World Cup training session. “It’s very important we show respect for opponents, always and in every way,” wept Andersson, who said his colleague had thought the session had been public. “If it has been perceived in another way, we apologise.”

The rather pleasant scene at Nizhniy Novgorod, which stages the game. Photograph: Clive Mason/Getty Images

Jogi Lurrrrrrvvve was left unimpressed by his Germany side’s performance in the defeat against Mexico. “In the next match we have to be much better,” he sobbed.

Tite was furious that Switzerland’s equaliser against Brazil on Sunday was allowed to stand. “I cannot talk about something that was so obvious,” he said, rather confusingly. “There was a foul.” Meanwhile, Stephan Lichtsteiner wasn’t particularly enamoured with the Seleção: “Every time they fell down, it was a whistle, a foul.”

Patrice Evra has been accused of being patronising and sexist after applauding the punditry of ITV colleague Eni Aluko.

Thibaut Courtois says Belgium teammate Eden Hazard is in the form of his life. “I have known Eden for so many years,” he sighed, wiping away a tear, “but I don’t think I have seen him train and play this amazing as in these last three weeks.”

And SBS will screen every flamin’ match from Russia 2018 for the next 48 hours following anger among fans at repeated disruptions to Optus Sport’s coverage. “I apologise unreservedly to all Australians,” parped Optus head Allen Lew. “We should have done better, we can do better and we will do better.”

STILL WANT MORE?

Players who missed out on the Panini sticker album get a makeover courtesy of the Mifa Project.

Woof! Photograph: The Mifa Project

Ed Aarons wanders down memory lane and finds England have actually had quite a good record in their World Cup openers.



Barney Ronay on Volgograd, where his grandfather was captured during the second world war.

Stevenage boss Dino Maamria on his hopes for Tunisia against England.

Get your German press reaction while it’s toasty.

Sean Ingle assesses the impact of VAR at the tournament … and reckons it’s been fine. So far.

Enjoy photos? Enjoy the World Cup? Then you’ll love these photos from the World Cup.

How on earth did Panama wind up at the World Cup? Sid Lowe traces an incredible journey.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

