My boyfriend and I both have extremely high sex drives – it’s the only relationship for both of us where we’re matched in this way. We recently passed 10 times in 24 hours, beating our personal best of eight. On our 11th attempt, it was too painful to go on. I have searched for advice on how to either make it hurt less or how long I should take to recover in between, in case that could be contributing to the pain. Is it possible that I am just doing too much for my body?.

Sex is supposed to be pleasurable. If it hurts, stop (unless of course you like that – my advice here is not for those who eroticise pain). Nor is sex a competition, or a game of prowess. Take care of your bodies, and consider aspiring to quality of sex rather than quantity. You will have far more satisfying sex if you focus on the giving and receiving of pleasure. Goal-orientedness always diminishes enjoyment. Try to relax together and breathe. What is the point of having bragging rights if your genitals are red-raw? But if you are both intent on some level of achievement, make your goal purely to increase your pleasure levels – which will involve taking far more time to reach orgasm. Attempt just one amazing lovemaking session spread out over 24 hours – always stopping if either of you becomes sore – and you will see why instant gratification is grossly overrated.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

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