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Hitler's portfolio takes a hit thanks to his arch rival, Goldman Sachs

Hitler finds out he is invested in Tesla bonds

00:00 - 00:03 I need all portfolio managers in here at once

00:04 - 00:05 This is a map of all available investment options we had in 2017

00:05 - 00:07 Treasuries here. Equities over here.

00:08 - 00:12 Real estate, bitcoin, and precious metals - like gold.

00:12 - 00:15 And then this. The Tesla 2025 Senior Notes

00:17 - 00:19 As I understand it, you are saying that you could have chosen from

00:19 - 00:21 literally anything on earth

00:24 - 00:26 My Fuhrer

00:27 - 00:28 Steiner

00:31 - 00:33 It was Steiner over at Goldman Sachs

00:34 - 00:36 Steiner assured us this was a good investment

00:53 - 00:58 If you deployed capital in FANG, real estate, cryptos - you may go

01:13 - 01:15 These bonds were rated as junk!

01:15 - 01:17 Do you know WTF that means? JUNK!

01:18 - 01:23 I would rather you told me you bought Dryships at $70 pre 6 reverse splits ago!

01:25 - 01:28 Dryships. Dryships is better than this

01:29 - 01:31 At least they have collateral!

01:31 - 01:34 You bought junk bonds with no claims on the gigafactory!

01:34 - 01:37 You got duped by those squids over at Goldman Sachs again!

01:37 - 01:40 They trade against you! Didn't you watch the Senate hearings?!

01:40 - 01:42 But Elon Musk is our generation's Da Vinci

01:42 - 01:46 Elon Musk should be barking for the yak woman! Or spreading pixie dust on a tilt-a-whirl!

01:46 - 01:48 My Fuhrer. Elon launched a car into outer space

01:48 - 01:52 That is the stupidest shit I've ever heard

01:53 - 01:54 Distractions from Tesla's failures!

01:56 - 01:57 This madman is taking a flamethrower to the capital you gave him

01:57 - 02:00 Burning it, paying back Solar City bondholders - his cousins

02:00 - 02:03 Robots that can't spot weld! And those solar tiles are garbage!

02:04 - 02:08 You invested the pension money ... the money that was for safe investments

02:08 - 02:13 Put it into junk bonds. And now I find out they are DEEP JUNK BONDS!

02:14 - 02:16 You Goddamn millennial portfolio managers are worthless!

02:17 - 02:21 The last time interest rates were going up, you were playing with Bristle Blocks!

02:27 - 02:29 Its different this time, they said.

02:30 - 02:34 They told me I'm too old to understand. Me. Too old.

02:34 - 02:36 Your incompetence is incalculable

02:41 - 02:42 Simple math

02:43 - 02:47 Simple math - addition and subtraction. The more they sell the more they lose!

02:48 - 02:53 They cannot service the debt when the borrowing costs begin to rise.

02:54 - 02:56 The interest rate has been at 0 for 8 years

02:56 - 02:59 Money cannot be free forever! You can't just keep printing it out of thin air!

03:00 - 03:02 Central banks are trimming balance sheets and LIBOR is blowing out!!!

03:04 - 03:07 Don't worry. I'm sure the bank will refi your HELOC

03:14 - 03:16 So this is how it ends

03:19 - 03:23 Call our clients and tell them their retirement savings are gone.

03:25 - 03:26 There was no alternative.

03:31 - 03:33 Retirement is cancelled.

03:40 - 03:46 Unless this is all just another garden variety pullback

03:46 - 03:49 We are not out of business just yet