Adventure day. Part one.

Dawson has been going through a bit of a I don’t want to see or hear my sister phase. He will push and hit her (SO out of character). He will cry and self harm until she leaves the room. It’s incredibly sad. I wish he could just tell me what it is that is upsetting him so badly. Emmy is a wonderful sister and shows Dawson endless love and kindness. She is absolutely perfect. Maybe that’s his problem? Maybe he has a little resentment toward her for all the amazing things she is capable of? Talking, riding a bike, playing soccer….Maybe he can’t help but feel a little discouraged and down on himself, watching his sister do so many things he can’t. That would be sad, but completely understandable.

This weekend, Randy and I separated the kids for a while.

I kept Dawson and he kept Emmy. While I had every intention of keeping our Saturday simple and low key, my boyfriend had other plans. He thought it would be fun to take Dawson on a date day down in Astoria. Walk around, grab lunch, check out a couple breweries. I would be lying if I said that idea sounded exciting and fun. No. Instead it sounded difficult, stressful, and just more work than I felt like doing that day.

Let’s first start off by telling you that Dawson was in the best mood ever that day. All smiles, giggles and handflaps. So, part of me was thinking we should just stay home, why rock the boat? The other part of me was thinking we should do this date day so that Caleb can see what it looks like to have a real adventure with Dawson. (The kids have spent time with him, but usually low key, easy stuff at home.) I also wanted Caleb to see what I am like throughout the experience of a day out with Dawson.

It’s easy when autism is not involved

Its the prepared, always on high alert, autism mom he doesn’t get to see much of , and that is an extremely important side of me. (Caleb lives near Seattle, so we have been doing long distance dating. Only getting time together on some weekends). It’s simple to have a relationship. But to have a relationship with children involved…and a special needs one at that?! Game changer. While my guy is still learning how to navigate special needs, I know that even on the very best of days…autism is hard. And if Caleb is in this for the long haul, he has to be prepared for what life with us really looks like.

So, date day in Astoria…here we come.

Let the day begin

Unlike outings in the previous years, I wasn’t anxious or worried. Not at all concerned with how Dawson’s behaviors (which would be kept far from anybody’s personal space) might effect other people. While I always remember to show some kindness to those who secretly judge us. I didn’t care if they looked. Didn’t mind if they stared. Really didn’t put any thought into how my loud, tip toeing, hand flapping little man might disturb someone’s ability to eat their lunch, or drink their beer. Because unlike the early years, I don’t put much thought into the onlookers. I went into that date with only one hesitation.

Caleb.

Will he run? He may decide he can’t commit to this lifestyle. Will Dawson’s adorable, but disruptive behaviors bring so much attention that he feels uncomfortable in a public setting with us? Will autism break us?

Remember earlier when I told you that even on the best days, autism is hard? Well, this was one of those best days. And it was hard.

When it comes to autism, you need to plan for everything.

-Sensory toys. Samsung charger, iPad, playdoh, sound machine, something that vibrates, sand filled square thing.

-Motivating snacks. Nilla wafers, Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

-Potty training. Back up clothes. Extra back up clothes. Reinforcers for successful trips to the bathroom (skittles).

-His voice. Can’t forget that. Communication book…got it.

Okay, now that we’ve packed everything but the kitchen sink, let’s do this.

Our first stop was not successful. It was at Fort George. The hostess was a little rude, showing absolutely no kindness toward us. Especially Dawson. The entire place was too loud and chaotic. I knew it wouldn’t be enjoyable.

On to the next

We went out to lunch, and it was hard keeping Dawson content. He didn’t cry, but sitting at a table is a difficult task for Him. Caleb scarfed down his meal (he eats SO FAST) and then offered to roam with Dawson while I finished. He would bring him back to the table every few minutes and help Dawson find a way to cope with sitting for a little while longer.

When we finished lunch, we decided to treat ourselves to a beer at Rogue. It would be the perfect place to let Dawson roam around and relax for a while. Or so we thought….

After walking in and waiting several minutes by the sign that read ‘please wait to be seated’, Dawson took it upon himself to pick a table. Caleb and I stood there, hesitant to follow suit. A gentleman walked up and suggested we ignore the sign and have a seat. It was likely we would wait forever he said. Well thank you for your kindness sir! We went and sat down with Dawson for what felt like an eternity. We all just sat there quietly as a unit, patiently waiting for our server.

Here he goes

All of a sudden Dawson decides to get up and roam. Only this time, he’s getting a little too close to other people. He’s loud and happy. There are people looking at us. Still no service from a single employee, but plenty of attention otherwise. From one couple especially. The gentleman that kindly suggested we sit down…he and his wife looked at Dawson with kindness and familiar eyes. They smiled. I could feel it….these people knew autism.

I got the attention of a very stressed out server to put in our beer order. She apologized for the slow service, It was her first day on the job. I told her to take her time, no rush.

I smiled as I sat back in my chair. Relieved.

My kid was running around trying to get input someway, somehow. My boyfriend was playing with him to help provide that input, and to also give me a break. I would catch glimpses of kindness and smiles from the couple, wondering how they knew autism. All the while, this poor server was trying to keep up with her chaotic first shift.

So many people trying to find balance. For the first time, in a long time….despite the needs of autism, I could just relax.

While that moment was brief, it was unforgettable.

I took Dawson to the bathroom (no accidents at all that day!!!) and on the way, he discovered how much he desperately needed to be outside in the breezeway. It was cold, windy and echoed. This was Dawson’s Disneyland. After a few minutes of spinning and playing, I carried Dawson back inside and he quickly asked Caleb to take him back out. We wanted to spend more time all of us together. Talking, sipping on our beer and just relaxing, So, we made Dawson wait…and we pulled out all the stops. Snacks. Sensory. We even played jenga.

I was thoroughly impressed with Caleb’s ability to fully take on his role as my partner, in the world of autism. Not only did he handle our date day exceptionally well…Caleb also helped me out. A LOT. He somehow managed to balance work (Dawson) and play (me) beautifully. All while not giving a single fuck about what anybody thought about Dawson. I love that. He even mentioned how much fun he had adventuring with us.

If this were a test on Caleb’s ability to adapt and accept autism in a public atmosphere, while demonstrating great kindness…he nailed it.

Dawson was socially exhausted and our date was coming to an end.

Caleb and I took turns managing Dawson’s sensory needs, continuing to somehow focus on each other while we polished off our waters and packed up our belongings. As we awaited the check, I played with Dawson one more time in the breezeway. When we got back inside, Caleb had something to tell me. He said that it will make me cry, but that he didn’t want to wait til later.

The couple behind us. The ones who knew autism….They paid our tab, and left before we had a chance to say thank you.

Caleb was right. I cried.

And if you’ve been following our journey for a while, you have gotten to know me pretty well. The unexpected kindness and generosity from that couple was an emotional experience that will best be described in a post of its very own….