Dudes, Just STOP.

—

So, listen to me, guys.

And I mean, really listen. Not in that way where you hear what I’m saying but ignore it. Just, listen. You’re not going to like what I have to say. And honestly, most of you reading this are not the problem. But some of you, many of you, in fact, have the potential to slip and be a part of that problem.

We have absolutely no right, as men, to “convince” women to do anything.

Do I have to say it again? Or is that once enough. I would think it’d be enough, but some of the cheap seats are having some trouble with this. So, let me break it down for you.

♦◊♦

If a woman says no, stop, you’re making me uncomfortable, or anything else along those lines—IMMEDIATELY do it.

Why is there a question?

What you’re really hoping for, as you continue to find different ways to contact that woman who blocked you on twitter, as you tell that woman who wants to use barriers for oral sex that she doesn’t know what she’s missing, as you ignore when a woman says you’re making her feel unsafe, is for her to concede.

Why would there ever be a question?

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

The fact that there IS a question in some of your minds, or the thought that maybe if you just point out why she’s wrong about her impression of you, or that she just misunderstood, or that she’ll be missing out on something awesome if she doesn’t give you a chance–that fact? That’s absolutely appalling.

And you’re wrong. 100%. Without question or caveat. You’re wrong. You’re in the wrong. You’re doing it wrong. No amount of convincing or hearing you out or playing devil’s advocate is going to change that. Your wrongness is a quagmire, and you’re just hunkering down deeper and deeper.

♦◊♦

Let’s be honest.

What you’re really hoping for, as you continue to find different ways to contact that woman who blocked you on twitter, as you tell that woman who wants to use barriers for oral sex that she doesn’t know what she’s missing, as you ignore when a woman says you’re making her feel unsafe, is for her to concede. To concede to you. To let you win. To vindicate what you think is right.

Feminists don’t hate men, they hate how they’re made to feel by men. They hate that they can’t end a conversation until the man they’re talking to decides it’s over, because if they try to he’ll just keep talking…or anything to make his point because it doesn’t matter that they don’t want to talk to him, does it? He has a point to make.

Because what you think is right, is you.

Because you’re a nice guy, right? She didn’t understand you. She didn’t give you a chance.

Fuck you.

Yeah. Fuck you.

Feminists don’t hate men, they hate how they’re made to feel by men. They hate that they can’t end a conversation until the man they’re talking to decides it’s over, because if they try to he’ll just keep talking, if they block his messages he’ll start emailing, or DMing, or anything to make his point because it doesn’t matter that they don’t want to talk to him, does it? He has a point to make.

What gives you the fucking right? You are making us all look bad.

♦◊♦

Rape Culture IS our culture. Because the same thing that makes a man feel it’s okay to violate bodily makes him feel it’s okay to suggest that the woman who just said “No, thank you” to him should give him a chance ‘cuz he’s really rather sweet…or that a woman walking down the street really needs to hear his thoughts on her body.

So many men thoroughly bristle at the term Rape Culture, arguing that they’re not rapists and would never rape someone. But they don’t understand that this is a permeation of our world. Rape Culture IS our culture.

Because the same thing that makes a man feel it’s okay to violate bodily makes him feel it’s okay to suggest that the woman who just said “No, thank you” to him should give him a chance ‘cuz he’s really rather sweet, makes him think that he has the right to say that a woman would be prettier if she smiled, or that a woman walking down the street really needs to hear his thoughts on her body.

It’s also the same thing that makes him feel able to turn vicious. When she rejects him, or calls him on it. When she asserts herself and challenges him. When she shows him anything but deference or fear. That’s when he can hurl everything he’s got at her.

Because that’s when he’s revealed for what he is.

Not a man. But a petulant child. And not just a child, but the nastiest piece of garbage junior high shit stain who ever walked. This person who moments ago was extolling his own virtues in a way that could ALMOST, KINDA, MAYBE make you feel like there might be some good there becomes a fountain of hateful vitriol the moment the light is shined on him.

Darkness allows this to thrive.

♦◊♦

I’m trying to shine the light here, guys.

To shine it on you. Because you’ve upset the scales far too much. You’ve made the world a worse place. You’ve actually made it more difficult to be a man. But none of that even comes close to comparing to how difficult you’ve made it to be a woman.

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

So truly, stop.

Because if I see it, I’ll shine the light. And you can call me a “basement dwelling hipster motherfucker” if you’d like. (I say that because you weirdly have.) But I’m done watching. I’m done coddling. I’m done trying to talk you out of it. I’m done. The moment you disrespect a woman, it’s over. Women don’t owe you anything. Ever. Not sex, not love, not explanations, not consolation, not even a glance.

Next time you don’t get one of those things you may think yourself owed, do the world a favor and keep it to your fucking self.

∼∼

Cooper S. Beckett

P.S. Now I know there’ll be someone out there who wants to play devil’s advocate, or point out that men disrespect men too and women disrespect men. Just like #AllLivesMatter VS #BlackLivesMatter, you may be saying something that’s true, but you’re not saying something that’s helpful.

Don’t be the glass is 3% full guy.

—

Photo credit: Getty Images/157397034