CHICAGO—Determining that no one had anything to worry about for the time being, passengers aboard a 737 taking off at O’Hare International Airport reported Thursday that the plane would still be low enough for a few seconds longer that it could crash with everyone surviving. “We’re not that high off the ground yet, so if the engines gave out right this instant, it’s very likely that none of us would die,” said passenger Ben Aletta, adding that, for a few fleeting moments, the worst that could happen would be that the plane skidded down the tarmac and a handful of people broke some bones. “Maybe a couple of passengers up front would have to be rushed to the hospital, and maybe some folks not wearing their seatbelt slam their head and get a concussion—but when it was all said and done, we’d all be alive and not dead.” At press time, the plane had reached a height at which every single person on board would be killed in a crash and was scheduled to remain at that altitude for the next four hours.

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