Dear Hank,

There are two things I want you to know now and forever. You are loved and you are wanted! So very loved and so very, very wanted. We have been through a lot in your short (almost) 17 months. You were brave, happy, sweet, and loving when Mommy didn’t believe those things existed any more. You have brought more joy and happiness into my life than I would have ever thought possible.

You are special. You are smart. You are funny. You are so very much a little boy. Every morning when you wake up you gather your pillow pet, your Winnie the Pooh pillow (that is as big as you are), and your blanket in your little arms and you won’t let me pick you up without making sure all your loveys get to come too. You are in love with Bubble Guppies at an obsessive level. You twirl your hair when you are sleepy and if you are really sleepy you twirl Mommy’s. You run everywhere we go. You know no fear. You climb, you explore, you deconstruct, you play, and you laugh. Oh do you laugh. You sometimes laugh so hard you barely make noise because you cannot catch your breath. This is the sweetest noise I have ever heard.

You are growing so fast! And I think there are some things I need to tell you before I blink and you are grown.

Be Happy. This does not mean that you can ignore responsibility or be careless with your choices. Happiness is not a fleeting moment. It is a choice you make every single day. You need to make responsible life choices to be able to live confidently and in a happy place. You will make mistakes. You will be hurt, sad, and disappointed. And while I would love to fix every problem you may ever encounter I know that I cannot. So son, you will have to learn to overcome feelings of defeat, pain, and regret and make a conscious choice to live in a happy place. I promise to help you every step of the way. Because even if you don’t believe me (I never believed my mom either, it’s okay) I have life experience that may help you make better decisions. (Mostly because I made some pretty sucky ones)

Be Kind. To EVERYONE. You may never know the struggle someone else faces but you have the ability to make their time with you a comforting one. There may be a kid in school who gets picked on. Be their friend. Take a chance. That kid could be the next Bill Gates. Hell, you could be. And you don’t want to be known as the jerk that was mean to everyone. Plus those jerks… they regret their actions when they grow up. And by then it is sometimes impossible to apologize to the people they hurt in their youth. Let me also be clear about something young man, just because you are young does in no way mean you are not accountable. Your actions have consequences and so does your non-action. So choose kindness. You will be repaid.

Be Bold. Be who you are. You love music? Then love it. You love sports? Then love them. You love science? Then love it. Whatever your passion is embrace it. Make a statement with your life. Do not let other people (even me) define you. And explore. Your passion today (Bubble Guppies) may not be (let’s all pray) your passion tomorrow. That is okay. You do not have to know who you will be forever at 7 or even 17. Just know who you are in that moment and be him. Be strong in your ideas and confident in yourself. Put yourself out there. Try new things. So many great things will come from taking chances. You won’t always succeed. But you will have tried and there is no measure for how important that is.

Learn to love. And do it without fear. Put your heart out there. Let yourself experience the beauty that comes from falling deeply and wholly in love. (But don’t do it until you are 30) Seriously though, it is incredibly rare that your middle school love will be your wife or even your high school love. It is possible. Just not probable. You are going to change so much as you grow and it is important to find someone who is willing to change and grow with you. Someone who will plant themselves in your heart, someone who will be rooted in their love for you so deeply that when you go through hard times (and you will) your love will withstand whatever life throws at you. ( and life throws pretty freaking hard sometimes)

That’s the big stuff. Here are some little things that Mommy thinks are also very important.

Always say please and thank you (especially during your teenage years, grown-ups will love this)

Open the door for women. Young or old. But especially old.

Put the seat down. (Mommy almost fell in when she was pregnant with you. It was horrible.)

Act like a kid. For as long as you are a kid. And even for a pretty good while after.

Climb trees.

Talk to your grandparents often.

Travel.

Pray.

Wonder.

Ask questions.

There are so many more. And as I learn and grow (ya, moms can still do that) I promise to tell you all the special important things I discover.

Hank, I am so beyond blessed to be your mother. I hope and pray every day that I live up to the challenge of nurturing the sweet soul that you are. I will make mistakes, you will be angry with me; you might even hate me at some point. But I will always love you. Each choice I make will be grounded in my love for you. All in the hope that the boundaries I set and the wings I encourage will allow you to be a beautiful human being even when I am no longer here to council you, restrict you, cheer for you, cry for you, laugh with you, and just be with you. Because one day I will be gone. I hope very much that that day is years and years and years from now. But whether I am buried 6 feet below the earth or working 6 miles away from your school I want you to carry these words in your heart, “your mommy loves you with every piece of her heart, you are and always have been so very loved and so very, very wanted.”

I love you,

Mommy.

P.s. oh, and I am watching. ALWAYS.