We all have a moan about going to work. It’s expected: work takes up the majority of our waking day and it very much defines us. We often use our jobs as an introduction and a window into our lives when we meet someone – a job reflects our status and self-worth. It influences the clothes we wear, the holidays we take, where we live and how we feel about ourselves.

Of course it is a significant aspect of any adult’s life, taking up sizeable chunks of time, focus and energy. So a gripe here and there is understandable and predictable; we groan about getting on that rush-hour train or the way the boss speaks; we laugh about the pain of Monday mornings and the thrill of annual leave.

But for many people now in the UK, work has ceased to be simply a source of grumbles or a joke. The most recent data from the Labour Force Survey shows that in the past year 526,000 workers in the UK have suffered from work-related stress, anxiety and depression: a vast number resulting in 12.5m lost working days a year.

But haven’t there always been tough roles, mammoth workloads and overtime? Why has this epidemic of work-related illness arisen now?

In the past year 526,000 workers in the UK have suffered from work-related stress, anxiety and depression

From the research that has been carried out on this subject, workload is consistently cited as the most common reason for this ill health – tight deadlines, too much pressure and not enough time in the day to simply get the job done. But as our jobs are not going to change any time soon, it’s time to change ourselves.

Mental-health experts often talk about resilience: the ability to cope, survive and bounce back from difficulties. Some is inherent, but resilience can be built and nurtured – and certainly so in one’s working life.

We know that resilience at work is partly fostered by supportive relationships. So it is important to nurture healthy interpersonal relationships at work, whether that is through the support or mentorship of a good manager or through friendship with work colleagues. Any supportive relationship you invest in at work will improve your stress levels – so take the opportunities to connect. Research shows that better-quality relationships are related to a reduced risk of mortality in the elderly, and experts are pretty sure of the protective power of friendship.

Resilience can also be fostered by taking control. That is not easy in the face of a control-freak boss or appalling workloads, so you might need to look for it elsewhere. Being able to take control in other – even trivial – areas of your life also leads to empowerment and grows your confidence. Control or change your journey to work (could it be better?), what you have for lunch (why not nurture yourself with a homemade lunch?) or even who you sit with in the canteen.

Small changes may seem trivial, but they are super effective. Pychologists talk about micro-actions and these are incredibly powerful in the face of stress – changing controllable aspects of your life so that those repeated small successes foster self-esteem, confidence and ultimately more success in the bigger areas of your life. It is also crucial not to let everything become about work. Look for micro-successes elsewhere, in your hobbies, your exercise goals and your life plan.

Our work appears to be making more and more of us unwell. But we all have the ability to make ourselves better.

Is Your Job Making You Ill? by Dr Ellie Cannon, is published by Piatkus at £14.99. To order a copy for £12.74, go to bookshop.theguardian.com