Story by Avery Baker and Willy Rose

In a Foundations Capstone class, Tracy Waters (name has been changed) sat quietly as her classmates voiced their opinions about gay students.

Many, though not all, were unkind, she later said. They assumed that all gay students were acting on their feelings, taking advantage of opportunities for reduced tuition that could go to more “deserving“ students.

She said that one said homosexuality is a switch that can be turned on and off.

Waters raised her hand and steeled herself. She nervously told the class she had been attending BYU-Idaho for three years and was serving as her ward’s Relief Society president. She also told them her secret.

“Actually, I’m gay.” The room became silent.

Her professor asked how she thought the discussion was going, and Waters said she was disappointed and hurt.

Waters received an email from her professor that night, thanking her and telling her about other students in the class who were grateful to her.

Waters has come out to all of her roommates. She said she is one of many gay students who have decided to be more open about their sexuality.

Emmett Wilson (name has been changed) said he came out to one of his classes as students shared some of the biggest struggles of their lives with one another.

He said one thing that has frightened him in the past about coming out as gay, especially when telling other men, is the possibility that they will change how they act around him.

“Most of my roommates talked like they were comfortable with it, but then stopped changing in the same room as me,” said Alicia Meyers (name has been changed).

Meyers said her brother was sportive when she explained she could be attracted to both men and women. He went with her to sport gros for those dealing with same-sex attraction.

However, Meyers said her father had a difficult time with the news. He told her that she was listening to Satan’s temptations and selfish, and threatened to never speak to her again if he ever found out she was dating a woman. Meyers said she has never acted on her attraction to women and that her boyfriend, who knows about her sexuality, accepts her.

Waters has come out to her brothers, but she says her parents prefer to keep it quiet. She says her younger brother has reacted very differently.

“My younger brother is probably one of my biggest supporters,” she said. “He always says, ‘I love you, and I want you to be happy, no matter what you choose.’”

Regarding coming out to Mormons, Jason Adams (name has been changed) said he’s been received really well.

“I’ve had a couple of people who get nervous and stuff, and it’s those kind of people that I try not to tell,” he said.

Adams has not come out to any of his roommates or Church leaders. He said his mother cried and his father got angry when he came out to them.

“They still kind of react that way,” he said.

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He said he feels more comfortable talking to them about it now that he has been out for a few months, but they still do not like to talk to him about it.

Waters said that coming out to her roommates has helped her a lot this semester.

“They got to know me as a person first before they knew about me,” she said.

Although she has not come out to every roommate she has had, she said that the ones whom she has told have reacted very well.

Meyers said she was surprised by the positive experience she had when telling a bishop about her feelings.

“I was taken aback with how understanding he was,” she said.

Waters said a lot of people assume students who do not identify as heterosexual are going to one day go against the Church or are already acting on their attractions.

“Everyone has their own battles to face, and I feel like a lot of the LDS people here jump to conclusions, which is why a lot of gay people here are very selective with who they tell,” Waters said.

Some of Adams’ friends on campus who know he is gay still prod him to date girls, which he says he understands.

“They respect me, but they don’t really respect the idea of being gay,” he said.

Meyers said that if she gets married, it will be to a man.

“Overall, I’ve always wanted a traditional family and to be sealed in the temple,” she said.

Meyers has chosen to live her life according to gospel standards.

“It’s my decision, and I have nothing against what any of my friends have chosen to do, but for me, I have an eternal perspective that in the end everything will work out,” she said.

Wilson said he wants to be a worthy priesthood holder and that being gay does not stop him from doing that.

Waters said she wants to see more love and compassion from straight members towards gay people.

“I feel the Church teaches it, but it’s not exactly always practiced here,” she said regarding BYU-I.

Meyers said she recommends that individuals who are not straight look into USGA (Understanding Same Gender Attraction) or North Star to see if either helps them or if another support group would work better.

Wilson said he prefers to meet with North Star, a sport group of members of the Church who are not straight.

Meyers wants people to recognize there are a lot of people who are not straight at BYU-I.

“It annoys me with how much derogatory language, like ‘faggot,’ is used by students here,” she said.

Church leaders speaking more about the issue has helped a lot, Adams said.

“It’s not a disease; it’s nothing to feel bad about,” he said. “That was the first reaction everybody gave to me, like ‘Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry.’ It’s like, ‘About what? I’m awesome.’”

Meyers said she does not want to be pitied or looked down on for her feelings.

When a friend tells someone they are not straight, the listener needs to not be judgmental, Wilson said.

“Understand how big of a deal it is,” he said. “If somebody’s not openly gay and they tell you that they deal with same-sex attraction, they are trusting you with the most sacred struggle of their life. They are trusting you with the very essence of their being, and you need to treat it as sacred.”

Waters said to reach out and befriend those who are not straight.

“The biggest advice I would give is just to love them and support them in their righteous actions,” Wilson said.

Waters said that dealing with same-sex attraction gets better.

“You don’t have to figure yourself out right away,” she said. “I don’t have it all figured out. I’m just kind of going step by step, day by day.”

Adams said he wants other gay students to know they are not alone.

“We’re normal people,” he said.

Once he started talking to others dealing with similar things, he realized how many students there are in the same situation, he said.

“Don’t let it make you angry,” he said. “Be a positive person.”

He said the Holy Ghost speaks to both gay and straight individuals and that that is how truth will come, not from other people saying what they think about homosexuality.

“You’re going to be the expert of you,” he said.

Meyers said that even though students who are not straight feel like they are alone, they are not.

“The Savior understands, and our Father in Heaven understands, knows and loves you,” she said.

She said that individuals who live with same gender attraction can turn to God and their Savior Jesus Christ when times get tough.

“My message to other people who are not straight at BYU-Idaho would be, ‘Never give up,’” Wilson said. “Remember that God loves you, and there is a place for you here.”