The King of Prussia mall management was excited to meet with me first thing Monday morning to show me a few available store fronts for the opening of Feminique Boutique II. I don’t blame their enthusiasm and ass-kissiness. In this economy, it must be tough to find a retailer that can handle rent that starts at nearly $5000 a month, and at first they were eager to have me sign on the dotted line.

That is until the word “vibrator” was uttered and the leasing manager literally covered her ears and closed her eyes like a child that just heard a bad word. Apparently in her enthusiasm, she failed to read my business description or website before our meeting.

Her: Oh no you can’t sell that. This is an upscale, family mall.

Me: Well you have a Spencer’s. They sell vibrators.

Again with the cringing and ear covering at the “v” word.

Her: Yes, and we in the mall management business don’t like them either but they have millions of dollars.

Me: Meaning they have the resources to sue you for discrimination and I don’t?

Her: This is not a democracy. This is private property and we can rent to whoever we want. But we are a high-end shopping destination. We have a Neiman Marcus. We have a reputation to uphold.

What exactly is this reputation that needs upholding?

For one, it has nothing to do with sex toys and “family friendliness” of the mall because if it did, they would uniformly forbid the sale, not just by Feminique Boutique but by all retailers, including Spencer’s. And it’s not just about the “millions of dollars”. While Spencer’s is a successful corporation, and the King of Prussia Mall does get 8% of their lessee’s monthly sales, would that be enough to have them risk their reputation? Obviously it is, since they allow Spencer’s to sell vibrators.

So why can’t I? What is the refusal to rent me a space really about?

Let’s review:

Spencer’s is owned by man.

Feminique Boutique is owned by a woman.

Spencer’s sells t-shirts that degrade women, such as one that depicts a woman on all fours wearing a leash around her neck that says, “How to Train your Bitch”.

Feminique Boutique sells t-shirts that empower women, such as one that says “Love your Body: Start a Revolution”.

Spencer’s sells vibrators in the view of minors that contain phthalates, a chemical known to be harmful to the female reproductive system.

Feminique Boutique sells vibrators in an 18+ backroom that are phthalate-free.

Spencer’s has an expressed business mission of humor and gag gift giving.

Feminique Boutique has a business mission of advocating that “women are sexual subjects, not objects”.

To me, it’s about the mainstreaming of sex-negativity. Sex toys can be sold as long as they are “novelties” with the purpose of embarrassing someone who opens it at their 40th birthday party. But when women buy one to actually be used and enjoyed, as they would from Feminique Boutique, it makes people uncomfortable. Sex can be talked about, as long as it’s a joke or putting someone down, which is why “training your bitch” t-shirts and penis shaped pasta is acceptable at the mall for the entertainment of 12 year olds, but a woman who loves her body and proudly wears the Feminique Boutique shirt that declares that, well, that’s obscene.

If people were really offended by sex toys, they would protest outside of Spencer’s. If the King of Prussia Mall really cared about their reputation as an “upscale family friendly shopping destination” they would not allow Spencer’s to open. If people really feared for the children, they would be outraged at the toddler t-shirt Spencer’s sells on the “baby” section of their website which says “the boy” with an arrow pointing to the face, and “the legend” with an arrow pointing to the genitalia, the indoctrination starting at 2 years old that the mighty phallus is the cornerstone of our sexual culture. But no one is upset about this.

What have we learned? Promoting the dignity of sexuality: Bad. Using sexuality as a punch line on a tacky keychain: Good.

My indignation is not at Spencer’s. It’s a free country and I support their right to run their business as they see fit. But for the King of Prussia Mall to allow the sale of vibrators and other sex related products in a way that exacerbates social norms of female subservience while denying the opportunity for a competing business that sells similar products in a pro-female environment is discriminatory, sexist, and illegal.

Such double standards frustrate me but they do not surprise me, because women in control of their sexuality threaten the very structure and basis of our entire society. And nobody is comfortable with that.

Click here to sign the petition to allow Feminique Boutique 2 to open at KOP