







Last week I discussed the intricate art of how to avoid being poor. I posted it to several subreddits so I could shove my wisdom down the throats of unwilling Reddit users. As is usually the case, a few of those Reddit users spit it right back, leaving me with a mess to clean up.

One of the specific subs that I posted to was r/PFJerk, a page where users post jokes about poor people in a well thought out, funny fashion. The ultimate goal is to ironically point out the ignorance of how the wealthy community perceives life.

I was left with two blaring problems: (1) I'm rich, and (2) I don't understand what ironically means. My article did meet half the requirements, though: make fun of poor people. For that reason, I took the chance and posted it.

At this point, I've been banned from something like 15 subreddits and harassed by numerous others for not following the "rules," but this time, I felt as though I really nailed it. That being said, my perceived ability to understand other's thoughts and emotions once again proved to be far off the mark:





Attempted Murder, 1st degree. Defendant: u/shizu_muraski

During my one year on Reddit, I've come to learn that other Redditeers do not appreciate original content. Unlike myself, they don't do it for the fame or attention; They do it for the lolz and Karma points. For those of you who don't know, the more Karma points you have, the more Reddit street cred. Well, that or it could be explained as a like button.





Lucky for me, I ran into a man with over 55,000 Karma points - a Reddit sensei of sorts. I didn't want to miss my opportunity to learn more from the wise man, so I asked how I could improve upon my lackluster self-proclaimed "jokes:"

-1 Karma Points





71 Karma Points

IRL = In Real Life

As quick as Shizu was to comment, he retreated into the shadows and disappeared, never to be heard from again. His advice only left me with more questions: what is funny, what does irony mean, and what's Hentai? Unfortunately, time was not on my side. Before I could even collect my thoughts, Tower 2 was hit:

I can assure you my readers don't dislike me slowly...It's happens much faster than you'd think.

Poor people pretending to be rich people to actually make fun of themselves as a joke to really make fun of the wealthy? The complexity of it all confused me more than a broke person balancing a checkbook. Like a neanderthal, my bewilderment only fueled my anger. Who the fuck was he calling long-winded?

But politically risqué? How say??





I see your point, but I was called out for this and I did apologize:

Like a poverty pit bull, I felt an urge to go for Bear Paw's throat. I went to his profile to see how I could pick him apart. What I found, though, was both profound and elaborate. His writing style had a sort of nuance about it. Bear Paw's humor nailed a point home in both a complex and intelligent way. He would make you think he was rich, but in reality, he was being...IRONIC! I finally understood:

My writing lacked a sense of feel or touch that Bear Paw's embodied so effortless. Maybe he was right; Maybe I was just shitting on poor people. I mean, fuck - I did say it myself in the very first paragraph:









It was at that very moment when I knew I had to come clean. I've been hiding behind this wealthy and entitled mirage for too long. I owe it to you, seven readers of FaHoo. I'm not rich like I so often pretend to be. I act this way, well...well because I thought you guys would like me more. My boys don't drive G-Wagons, and my parents didn't buy me an A-Class Mercedes as I had falsely stated:









In reality, I was given a 2002 Jetta Station Wagon for my 16th birthday. For free, of course, I'm not that poor. In fact, I don't even make that much money. On the outside looking in, it would appear as though I'm someone living this lavish lifestyle. I can't blame you for thinking that. What else would you expect from a young man who owns a media and news site (not a blog like Bear Paw said)? I must have a constant stream of income, right? Wrong.





The truth is, I'm just like one of you, poors (I like that term Bear used):





The FULL $1200

See?!

Even my claim that Jared Kushner was my hero was a lie. I mislead you because I thought by pretending to look up to such a successful and morally superior young man , that you guys would think I was...cool.









I'm not the man that I deceived you into believing I am. I've partaken in most of the things I make fun of. This is hard for me to admit, but Spirit is one of the only airlines that I use. I just bought a round trip to New Orleans in June for $100. Did I spend the extra $25 to insure my trip in case something like an international pandemic derails it? No. Absolutely the fuck not.





My cell phone service? You guessed it: Sprint. I can't even send a text without WiFi.

So enough's enough. I can no longer hide behind this front that I've put up. If you decide to stop reading my site because of your materialistic views, so be it. I, too, was like you - 17 minutes ago. But today I stand up. TODAY I stop being embarrassed by who I am! MY NAME IS MISTER BIGLEYS, I AM POOR (or upper-middle class, depending on how you view it), AND I AM PROUD!











