Earlier today Patton Oswalt, UPROXX’s favorite Internet wizard-superhero hybrid, was solicited via Twitter by Brander, a service/app that creates “conversation about your product through social influencers.” Basically, they find integrity-deficient people with popular Twitter/Facebook accounts and pay them to mention brands that want to sit at the cool kids’ table.

The service spent the early afternoon tweeting at popular comedians, most notably (and misguidedly and regrettably) Oswalt. His initial reaction landed at the intersection of Poignant and Uproariously Funny, a corner he seems to frequent often:

Given more time to think about the solicitation, Oswalt decided to turn it into one of his “Pattonted” (/kills self) Internet-winning moments. Here, he sets the table:

Yes. YES. It being the slowest day in Internet history (a Friday buried right in between two major holidays), everyone stuck at a computer was certainly ready.

And then the show began. Patton rained down a cascade of middle fingers, in the form of some truly entertaining tweets that married some of the most popular brands in the world to some of the most offensive things imaginable.

*AND SCENE*

All tweets via @pattonoswalt and, I guess, @BA_Influencers.