Non-Denominational Church Exposed As Undercover Baptists

JUNIPER HILLS, AZ—Leadership at Journey Community Church reluctantly confirmed Thursday that their purportedly non-denominational church was in fact just a thinly disguised Baptist congregation.

The church was exposed after a church banner hung to conceal the remains of the church’s old Baptist name peeled off during a recent windstorm, revealing the words “First Baptist Church” to horrified onlookers.

“They had a massive baptismal, a worship band straight out of the ’90s, and even potlucks every Sunday,” one disgruntled parishioner told reporters after the shocking revelation. “When I came to Journey, I wanted a generic, denomination-free experience, so to find out it was pretty much just any old Baptist church was a big disappointment.”

“At least the potlucks are good,” he added.

Church leaders admitted they changed the name several years ago because Baptist sounded “stuffy” and “boring,” though they still ran things the exact same way they always had. Leadership had hoped no church members would remember they were actually just Baptists by fully immersing themselves in their new non-denominational identity, but it was not to be.

At publishing time, a supposedly Unitarian church had been exposed as “basically just atheists.”

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