Cooking With Semen

by Michael Y. Park

Exactly how dedicated are you to the concepts of recycling, scrimping and using all-natural products in your food? If you're willing to put your money-shot where you mouth is, you'd send away for a copy of the cookbook "Natural Harvest," which goes into stomach-churning detail about how to store, prepare and serve semen as food. Yes, it has really, erm, come to this. "Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties," the book's description goes. "Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that." And, yes, it appears to be a real book, and a second edition is already on the way. Right off the bat, you get a recipe for a cocktail (a White Russian, naturally): 2 oz. vodka

1 oz. coffee liqueur

cream or milk

ice cubes

1/2 oz. semen Then there are the "Creamy Cum Crepes," which are regular crepes filled with cottage cheese and two tablespoons of man juice. Yum. I'm suddenly reminded of that Vice magazine where the guy eats frozen lollipops of his own man seed. (And then vomits profusely, if I remember correctly.) And there are tips I'll bet you didn't know about cooking with sperm, like: - Semen cooks like egg whites, not mayonnaise. - If you want good-tasting semen, drink lots of ginger tea (at least that's what the chefs working on the cookbook found out for themselves). - If you want to maximize your semen output, collect it after a restful night's sleep or extended foreplay. Suddenly that Family Life class where you learned about "teaspoonfuls of ejaculate" makes sense, huh? Intriguing or gross? Would any of you try a semen-based recipe? More importantly, who can come up with the funniest hed that ought to have gone on top of this post? Let the innuendo-laden puns commence!

cuddlebuns

05:05:50 PM on

10/03/14

( ° °)

GreenHealth

08:44:09 AM on

07/08/09

Firstly, I dont know what the fuss is about with consuming semen. Its perfectly healthy for you provided the semen is from a healthy man. I am a doctor and part of my research in based on semen. Secondly, semen is good for your immune system it helps boost it by acting as a vitamin, even though it is not one. Thirdly, In many of my research cases, women as well as men, have reported finer looking skin by lightly rubbing semen on them. Men who regularly consume ginger, apples as well as cinnamon will find their semen to be alot less bitter tasting. In all, having a recipe book that cooks with semen is infact an advantage for the human body. In my opinion, for couples, this book can be fun and exciting and might just enhance your sexual relationship you have with each other.

bildnsurf

01:29:47 PM on

01/10/09

Ramstutz; shouldn't that be who cum-ing FOR dinner?

azborn2001

01:30:47 PM on

01/09/09

this site does say "food news and views from all over". some of you shouldn't take things so serious. :0 < depository.

ramstutz

12:18:31 PM on

01/09/09

Headline: Look Who's Cum-ing to Dinner

taulbees

11:30:17 AM on

01/09/09

it's days like this that i actually enjoy epi-log! how bizzare! i think i'll leave the office now and run home to my wife! i'll grab a green tea on the way.

Rockie

11:00:14 AM on

01/09/09

I would think this is better suited for a blog on, say, the Playboy web site or perhaps Hustles. This is just plain gross.

NorthNaplesCondo

10:29:28 AM on

01/09/09

I am horrified.

serena72

07:45:51 AM on

01/09/09

"Um, this is not what I had in mind when I asked for help with dinner, dear." James, inappropriate comments are all I have. I had to leave the best ones in my head. (That one would have been funnier if I was a man, huh?) Michael, where was this post before Christmas? This would have been perfect for the person who has everything.

maquillage

01:37:51 AM on

01/09/09

Anyone ever notice how Brie smells like semen? It really does!!! No wonder all my gay male friends proclaim it to be their favorite. I might just have to but this book for them. Funny, yes, gross, maybe a little, but truly ladies if we've consumed it straight from the source why are you gagging at the idea of consuming it in other ways? I don't see these recipes being commercially viable (health risks etc from unknown sources), but at home why not give it a shot. No pun intended.

Chocolatl

11:43:39 PM on

01/08/09

I'm sorry, but I think this is where Epicurious and I part company. If this is a joke, it is completely without humor. (I'm sure a lot of humorless people will now post how funny and clever this is and how I have no sense of humor. They don't know what humor is about.) If it's not a joke, it doesn't bear thinking about. I visit this site for genuine information about food. This is just too far beyond the pale.



azborn2001

11:33:14 PM on

01/08/09

meow, that was not a mental picture i needed.you might have more fun if your not being chased to the toilet.holy moses. this has been funny.

azborn2001

11:05:01 PM on

01/08/09

well, now we know who has tried it.coors light and schnapps is better i'm sure. and you still have fun!!

meowsies

10:58:25 PM on

01/08/09

ok, even if i didn't have bronchitis & pink eye & a stomach bug that makes me run to the bathroom, this would have done the trick. gross doesn't even come close to covering it. we'll leave it at that, thank you.

hook_and_eyelet

10:34:59 PM on

01/08/09

What's appalling are the comments on the book's sight that said they didn't tell guests what the "secret ingredient" was. Also, semen is one of the most foul-tasting things ever.

azborn2001

10:11:23 PM on

01/08/09

this bar only serves coors light. thank you.

cookshelly

09:53:41 PM on

01/08/09

Get outta here!

azborn2001

09:41:45 PM on

01/08/09

dancingmonkey, not to offend but isn't spanking the monkey get what you need for this drink?

azborn2001

09:27:18 PM on

01/08/09

i'll pass on this one. is it a san francisco treat?

letisharice

09:20:48 PM on

01/08/09

I think it's a joke. A funny, funny, stupid joke that is both revolting and awesome.

Chocolatl

08:10:32 PM on

01/08/09

Inappropriate comments? About THIS?????

Faitheliz

08:03:13 PM on

01/08/09

OMG OMG OMG. Ick. I hate to be narrow minded, but....seriously?

jamescury

07:58:34 PM on

01/08/09

Editor's note: Inappropriate comments will be deleted.

dancingmonkey

07:27:05 PM on

01/08/09

Also, reminds me of the scene in the Borat Movie about the cheese made with breast milk. *shudder*

dancingmonkey

07:25:57 PM on

01/08/09

Brings the "spit vs. swallow" debate to a whole new level.

jfain

07:14:13 PM on

01/08/09

Oh please. Really?

galaxiepi

06:13:53 PM on

01/08/09

So the way to a man's heart ISN'T through his stomach?

Chocolatl

06:03:45 PM on

01/08/09

Too much like cannibalism for my taste.

lisa043062

04:39:12 PM on

01/08/09

You apparently wanted to be an astronaut when you grew up and read the instructions incorrectly. It's Urine....Not Semen......No Semen....No Semen whatsoever. Urine good, Semen bad.

Nikki_in_Cali

04:02:46 PM on

01/08/09