ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has held his usual cabinet meeting this afternoon to decide which one of them will have to brave the ABC’s Q&A programme next week.

Malcolm Turnbull, aided by Michael McCormack (New Nationals Leader FYI), organised his team into a round-robin-style scissor-paper-rock tournament around 3pm this afternoon and declared that the loser of the competition will be facing the music down at the ABC next Monday night.

Last Tuesday, Nationals Senator and Minister for Resources and Northern Australia, Matt Canavan, just lost out to fellow Queensland National and Ag Minister David Littleproud.

Speaking exclusively to The Advocate regarding the closed-door meeting, former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce said you could’ve ‘cut the air in the room with a plastic spoon’.

“Fuck!” Canavan allegedly yelled.

“For fuck’s sake! Why me, God?”

Littleproud laughed in relief and then wiped the sweat off the inside of his glasses.

“Fuck, that was close,” he said softly.

Joyce then said even if he did lose the weekly Coalition rock off, there was ‘fuck all chance’ of him doing it.

“I’m trying to keep my head down. I reactivated my Twitter to comment on Q&A last night and people just sent me photos of red things. I get it. But yeah, I would’ve thrown an actual rock at the Prime Minister if he told me to go on Q&A. There’s fuck all chance I’d ever going on that moral Alcatraz again.”

Joyce then said he was done talking to us and hung the phone up.

More to come.