In 1991, some things happened. Iraq rejected a peace proposal with Egypt. Alabama lost the Fiesta Bowl to Louisville. “Oh, Kay!” closed at Richard Rodgers Theater NYC after 77 performances. And, if I’m correct, and I haven’t researched this, Felix Biederman (@byyourlogic), AKA @Swarthyvillain, one third of liberal podcast dreck-hole Chapo Trap House (named after Blake Zeff (trillionaire Editor-In-Chief of Cafe.com) and his failed attempt to catch El Chapo by inviting him over to his house “for tea”) was born.

Felix Biederman is a monster.

Felix lifts roughly 8 times a week. He posts constant pictures of his “bulggging (sic) lats” on Twitter. He was given a stern warning for sending Condoleezza Rice eight letters that simply read “show feed, ms. Clinton.” He has voted “liberal democrat” on every single election, despite that not being an option — he adds in a special box and puts a smiley face in side.

Felix has a problem. He truly believes he is a clone of fictional mercenary commander Big Boss from the Metallic Gear games. He idolizes the man that has one eye patch yet no measurable issues with depth perception that rides a horse in the sand and shoots people while listening to David Bowie. Felix once told me in a conversation that I was “no longer part of Outer Heaven” or “Diamond Dog” or “Pedigree Chum” and that I was a “criminal” then attempted to kiss me. I accepted because I am a gentleman, and he was a terrible kisser.

What we all know is that Felix was born, but do we really know that? We don’t know anything about Felix. Apart from multiple in-person meetings, several phone conversations, many people having spent time around him that I know, there is no true proof that Felix exists.

I asked Felix for a quote, but I never sent the text, so by my logic he proved my point.