I can see it in my mind's eye. A Smart car owner in San Francisco peers through the blinds, worriedly looking at the diminutive transport pod parked curbside. The question keeping him or her awake: "Will it be upright tomorrow?"

It's a fair thing to ask.

This week, at least four owners found their cars tipped over by vandals. And that sucks, because even if you made the terrible decision during a moment of weakness to actually buy a Smart, the horrible driving experience should be punishment enough. Having people maliciously damage your car? Uncalled for.

The victims, likely gentle Obama-voting Americans who fastidiously maintain their reusable shopping bags, probably wish that Inspector Harry Callahan wasn't a fictional character now.

My counterpart at Esquire.com, Mike Nizza, called me, wondering if these incidents were perhaps a statement by driving enthusiasts who find the existence of the Smart unconscionable.

"No, Mike," I explained, "enthusiasts don't care. What's more likely is that a bunch of idiots got really hammered and realized these things are light enough to tip easily."

I shared my hypothesis with Zach Bowman, who agreed, adding, "Especially if they're really hammered. There's no strength like drunk strength. We once picked the ass end of a Ram 1500 up and moved it two parking spaces over. Four guys."

So, our expert opinion is: It's a bunch of goons filled with Drunk Power. If karma's a thing, at least one of them will directly facilitate a new Porsche for some Bay Area chiropractor and/or orthopedic surgeon in the wake of this crime spree.

The best thing about it? The local news coverage. If a Martian spaceship hovered over the TransAmerica Pyramid, I doubt it'd get the intense coverage KRON 4 delivered.

The concerned anchor. The personal stories. The map analysis. The infographics involving cows.

This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Oh, local news. Don't ever change.

For some excellent crime-scene photos taken by the locals, head over to Bernalwood

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io