New York Times Wins Pulitzer For Unparalleled Work In Publishing Blatant Lies

NEW YORK, NY—The New York Times increased its impressive collection of Pulitzer Prizes this week after an opinion piece published by the paper was instantly awarded a Pulitzer in the category of "Blatant Lies."

The piece, titled "Pregnancy Kills, Abortion Saves Lives," was written by Dr. Warren M. Hern. It claimed that abortion, a procedure specifically designed to end the life of a human, saves lives, while pregnancy, a process specifically designed to create a life, ends humans.

While that may sound confusing, it's more clear when you realize that the Times was really trying to be recognized in this new Pulitzer category.

"We saw that Columbia University had created the new category for blatant lies, and we really wanted to go for it," an editor for the paper's opinion section said. "There was a lot of competition for the award, what with the Post and The New Yorker out there. But we just went gung-ho trying to nail this sucker down."

Though Pulitzers are usually awarded annually, this lie was so impressive that Columbia said they "just had to" get it awarded right away.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee