You know it's been a rough week when Britney Spears apparently withdraws from performing, Grumpy Cat dies, and a sparkly vampire turns into a bat—and those aren't even the worst stories out there. Elsewhere, the Mueller investigation is still in the news, and investigators have finally determined the cause of California's deadly Camp Fire. (Short version: It was electrical transmission lines.) Oh, and the Trump administration is trying to undo birthright citizenship for the adopted children of LGBTQ couples. Already feel like you've missed a lot? While You Were Offline is here to help.

Generation Offred

What Happened: For anyone who cares about whether those with wombs have any level of control over their own bodies, last week was a rough one thanks to legislation in several states.

What Really Happened: There's no way to sugarcoat this: The war over abortion has intensified beyond what most would have expected in the past couple of weeks, with new bills being signed into law that significantly limit the freedom of those with wombs in certain states. Two weeks ago, everyone's attention was on Georgia, and certain laws being made in that state—

—but last week, it was Alabama that held everyone's attention, and for good reason.

The Alabama Senate had originally intended to vote on its own controversial abortion restriction earlier in the month, only to have to postpone due to public protest. It's fair to say that the discussion, when it finally happened, was, shall we say, not at the most learned level.

Such exceptional thoughtfulness and care for the subject was followed by the vote itself.

The result, which effectively outlawed abortion in the state, was shocking to many, including lawmakers outside of Alabama.

Others vowed to take the fight against the new law as far as it can go—which may be what those behind it want.

Hopes that the bill, although passed by the Senate, wouldn't go any further due to the deafening public outcry were quashed a day later, when Alabama Governor Kay Ivey signed the bill into law.

So far, so Handmaid’s Tale. (That may sound flip, but can we stop for a second to realize how stunning it is to be able to make that analogy so easily?) And it wasn't just Alabama restricting freedom of choice this week.

Here's what the Missouri governor had to say about things.

And here's what reality had to add.

As the war on women's choice ramped up, a hashtag followed as those who have had abortions told their stories—or, in many cases, chose not to, for the most obvious reasons.

The Takeaway: Please remember that, with Roe v. Wade still in effect, abortion remains a protected right across the United States.

This Land Is Your Land, This Land Is My Land, Especially When I Want to Use It to Make a Geopolitical Point and Ruin Your Livelihood

What Happened: In an international landscape dominated by the idea of America First, some Americans might have to deal with coming in second (or third, or fourth) in order to … well, it's not entirely clear. Let President Trump get a win? Sorry, farmers.