‘In the two court hearings we had, my abusive ex-husband was sat just four seat away from me in what was more like a boardroom than a courtroom. I felt intimidated.’ (Photo: Hazel Dunlop)

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of domestic abuse and violence.

It took just 15 minutes on 22 October 2014 for my world to end and my heart to be broken completely beyond repair.

My abusive ex-husband had been granted access to our sons after court hearings where he cross-examined and intimidated me.

On a court-ordered, unsupervised access visit, my two sons were lured up to the attic by the promise of a new train set by my abusive ex-husband.


While my boys were up there, he set 14 different fires around the house, using petrol so that the flames would spread quickly.

He also barricaded the home – not just to make sure that the emergency services couldn’t get in but also to make sure that my boys could not get out.



My sons were murdered by their father, someone who should have protected them. Paul was nine and Jack was 12.

Now the Domestic Abuse Bill is set to deliver the Women’s Aid Child First campaign’s first legal change with the introduction of the ban on abusers being able to cross-examine victims in the family courts.

It might be too late for my boys, but it is not too late for others.

In the two court hearings we had, my abusive ex-husband was sat just four seat away from me in what was more like a boardroom than a courtroom. I felt intimidated.

Despite both having legal representation, he was constantly interrupting his barrister to aggressively question me: how dare I try to leave him, how dare I take him to court, how dare I try to keep the children away from him?

The cross-examination from my abusive ex-husband was awful. It made me feel like I was still just that piece of dirt underneath his shoe.

Claire’s sons, Paul and Jack (Photo: Claire Throssell)

I came across poorly in court because when you have been told for years and years and years that you’re worthless, that you’re wrong, that he’s always right, you instantly curl up again inside yourself.

The judge warned him to stop his aggressive behaviour but did this make her think twice about the five hours of unsupervised contact each week she granted him? No, the contact continued.

My husband was abusive from the start. He gave me a rose every single day for three weeks until I gave in and agreed to go on a date with him.

I thought it was romantic at the time, but now I look back and think that it was a sign of his obsessive and possessive nature.

Throughout the relationship, he was controlling and emotionally abusive; even now I still hear his voice constantly putting me down and telling me I can’t do things.

He was also physically abusive and it took a toll on my sons who, the older they got, wanted do everything they could to try to protect me.

I decided to leave for good when I realised that I could not keep my boys safe in this abusive home. Jack was being lippy, as 12-year-olds do, and my abusive ex-husband went for him with his fist.



The punch would have gone straight into Jack’s face. Without thinking, I stepped in, pushing Jack into his bedroom and taking the punch myself.

He hit me on my shoulder with a force that knocked me off balance and sent me toppling down stairs. All I can remember was that the boys were distraught.

After I left, I encouraged my sons to still see their dad. But one day I got a call from school saying that Paul was having a panic attack because he was worried about going to his father’s that night.

The school advised me to pick up the boys early that day. I then took steps to put a stop to the contact that was causing my boys severe psychological harm.

After the court order, my boys cried – they didn’t feel safe being alone with their father.

They wanted me to tell them that they never had to see him ever again, but the court order meant that I couldn’t give them that promise. That I was powerless to protect them.

When the emergency services arrived at the scene, my eldest son Jack said to the firefighter who lifted him from the flames, ‘My dad did this and he did this on purpose.’

Those were his last words.

Now I am campaigning with Women’s Aid to make sure that survivors and their children are protected in the family courts.

I am proud that the Women’s Aid Child First campaign has got the judiciary to review the guidance it gives to judges in child contact cases where there is an allegation of domestic abuse.


Together with Women’s Aid, I am going to make sure my sons’ voices are heard and that safe child contact decisions are at the heart of the family courts.

If you are worried that your partner is controlling and abusive, call the Freephone 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline (run by Women’s Aid in partnership with Refuge) on 0808 2000 247 or visit www.womensaid.org.uk.

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