ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has suggested Australians who are still feeling dismayed at the demise of Holden this week should look to the nation’s cricket team for inspiration and support.

Speaking to the media this morning in Sydney, Scott Morrison said his office has been inundated with messages of grief over the carmaker’s decision to wind up their right-hand-drive production lines.

“I have received messages from many Australians expressing their sadness at the passing of Holden,” he said.

“We could’ve given GM another bailout and another round of concessions but it only would’ve delayed the inevitable. But in this trying time, I suggest all Holden enthusiasts look to our cricketing heroes,”

“I’m 90% sure the women’s T20 world cup is about to start. Instead of weeping in your VE Commodore while the check engine light flashes, I’d say your time is better spent on the couch cheering on our girls as they look to go back to back in the world cup,”

“If your Holden has the typical stretched timing chains, a fucked coil pack or a dodgy oxygen sensor ruining your life, don’t cry. Watch cricket,”

“If all else fails, make sure you’ve got comprehensive insurance and wait until there’s a bit more rain out in the bush then drive your Commodore into a flooded causeway. Make sure the bitch sucks in a whole lot of water. Alternatively, take a meat tray down to your local section of housing commission and give it to a team of local youths. Ask them to torch your Commodore. You’ll be fine. Cricket is key.”

The Prime Minister then smiled to himself and laughed. He refused to take any questions.

More to come.

