Enough with analyzing all the UFC 229 fighters’ strengths and listening to them talk about preparation and game plan. It’s time to get to the real important stuff – nicknames. Who has the best? Who has the worst? Who should really consider rebranding? We’ve got it all here.

22. (tie) Ryan LaFlare: ???

Tony Martin: ???

Aspen Ladd: ???

These people have no known nicknames, according to the most relevant sources. Keeping their options open? Maybe. Hanging around too many boring, unimaginative training partners? Also a possibility.

21. Sergio Pettis: “The Phenom”(?)

This is a tricky one. UFC.com offers no nickname for Pettis. Sherdog says it’s “S.P.” Tapology says it’s “The Phenom.” Wikipedia says it could be “The Phenom,” but could also be “Baby Pettis.” This is not a great sign, as far as staking out a clear claim to your own personal nickname territory. Also? You’re not “The Phenom,” bro. That one’s taken.

Gallery Photos: UFC 229 media day face-offs view 11 images

20. Yana Kunitskaya: “Foxy”

The last time I heard anyone referred to as “foxy” I was in a barber shop where a bunch of old men argued about horse racing and politics and occasionally ogled passing women on the street. Apparently Kunitskaya walked past this same barber shop, overheard the conversation inside, and decided: You know what? I’ll take it.

19. Ovince Saint Preux: OSP

The UFC website does not list a nickname for Saint Preux. But every other notable source agrees on “OSP.” Yes, I know it’s technically just his initials, which isn’t much of a nickname, but for MMA fans it also conjures images of GSP. While their names might be where the comparisons end, it’s still a fun little insider nod. Plus it invites you to work his nickname into some version of the old Naughty By Nature song. (Did I just date myself with that reference? Yeah, you know me.)

18. Dominick Reyes: “The Devastator”

I don’t know. This could be the nickname of someone who will smash your face into pieces or it could just be someone who breaks up with you out of the blue when you thought everything was going fine. There are many forms of devastation, is what I’m getting at here. Maybe be more specific.

17. Alexander Volkov: “Drago”

He’s big and Russian, so I guess it works. But you know the problem with naming yourself after a fictional character? It ties you to that narrative arc. And Ivan Drago didn’t come out a winner in the end.

16. Vincente Luque: “The Silent Assassin”

Honestly, I prefer the assassins who keep accidentally giving their position away because they can’t stop themselves from absent-mindedly humming the theme song from “Beverly Hills Cop,” but that’s me.

Gallery Photos: UFC 229 media day face-offs view 11 images

15. Jalin Turner: “The Tarantula”

Did you know that tarantulas are mostly harmless to humans? The bite is said to be somewhat painful, usually on par with a wasp sting, and if you have some sort of allergic reaction, sure, it could possibly kill you. Then again, so could a bee. But the popular concept of tarantulas as deadly spiders? Not true, though they do bear some resemblance to certain spider species that are deadly. Mostly they’re just big and hairy and creepy. Might not be my first choice for a nickname, to be perfectly honest.

14. Gray Maynard: “The Bully”

I’d always heard that Maynard’s nickname came from his love of bull terriers. As in the dogs. But then, wouldn’t that make him more like a fan of “bullies”? Not a bully himself? And yet, something about him does seem a little bully-ish. Not the contemporary bullies who will use Snapchat to tell you that no one likes you and you should drop out of school. More like the captain of the wrestling team who will shove you in a locker just to distract himself from his plummeting grades. But no, fine, the dog thing works too.

13. Jussier Formiga: (Ant)

His real name is Jussier da Silva Vieira. “Formiga” is actually a nickname meaning ant, but as often happens with Brazilian fighters, it’s now just become the last name we know him by. Ant is a good nickname. Ants are strong, hard-working, and they’ve spread to almost every landmass on the planet. They’re one of the only non-mammals that have been observed engaging in interactive teaching behavior. And, yes, they are also small, like the flyweight in question. Good choice.

12. Tonya Evinger: “Triple Threat”

I get it. She’ll steal your win bonus, your board shorts, and your girlfriend. A triple threat. Anybody who follows her on Instagram already knows it’s the truth, too.

11. Michelle Waterson: “The Karate Hottie”

Gallery Photos: Best of Michelle Waterson view 22 images

It’s dated – clearly, any nickname that includes the word “hottie” was applied some time prior to 2009 – but it rhymes and it’s ultimately still accurate.

Gallery Photos: UFC 229 media day face-offs view 11 images

10. Khabib Nurmagomedov: “The Eagle”

I go back and forth on whether this is minimalist cool or just boring. I mean, I get it. The eagle is an important symbol in Dagestan. But lots of places have eagles. Lots of places project onto them some sense of strength and nobility. But there’s really only one fighter you think of when you hear, simply, “The Eagle.” Guess that has to count as a mark in Nurmagomedov’s favor here. Also, the way it spurns any sense of extraneous style or humor or even colorful imagery? Yeah, that’s fitting for him.

Gallery Photos: Best of Derrick Lewis view 39 images

9. Derrick Lewis: “The Black Beast”

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8. Felice Herrig: “Lil’ Bulldog”

If you include the word lil’ somewhere in your nickname – not little, mind you, but lil’ – you automatically have me on your side. Makes you seem like a roguish underdog, and I dig that.

7. Nik Lentz: The Carny

Just look at him. Doesn’t he look like the kind of guy who would sell you a ticket to a hastily constructed ride that’s already injured a dozen people this summer, then skip town before you realize his insurance has expired? And if you were to track him down and confront him with allegations that the air rifles used in his target shooting game had been intentionally tampered with, doesn’t he seem like someone who wouldn’t even bother to remove the Camel Light from the corner of his mouth before inviting you to tell it to someone who gives a damn? Sure he does. So it works.

6. Lina Lansberg: “Elbow Queen”

If you go and declare yourself the monarch of a body part, let’s just say it puts a lot of pressure on you to live up to that. Somehow, I admire it. Long live the queen.

Gallery Photos: UFC 229 media day face-offs view 11 images

5. Scott Holtzman: “Hot Sauce”

It sounds fun when paired with his last name, and it supposedly springs from a genuine love of hot sauce. The guy was just out here putting hot sauce on all his food, at all times of day, and at times to the horror of others. So the name stuck. I like a nickname that arises naturally. Bonus points if it makes me worry a little bit about your long-term digestive health.

4. Alan Patrick: “Nuguette”

I had no clue on this one, so I asked MMAjunkie’s Fernanda Prates to put this Brazilian nickname in terms that those of us in this hemisphere could understand. Then she broke my heart with the following explanation:

“Brace yourself, cause Nuguette is a pretty sad one.

Nuguette is basically just a different way of spelling Nugget, the shoe polish. Allan had a very very poor childhood. His parents were alcoholics and his household was pretty abusive. He’d sleep on the streets in order to escape it and shining shoes was a way to make a few bucks. Hence, Nuguette.

And if you’re sad reading this, it’s because you didn’t get to see this TV segment in which he cries talking about how he’s just happy he can give his son things he didn’t have growing up – like yogurt.

Yes. YOGURT.

HE. DIDN’T. HAVE. YOGURT. BECAUSE. THAT’S. HOW. POOR. HE. WAS.”

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3. Anthony Pettis: “Showtime”

For anyone else it could come off as a boilerplate nickname, but Pettis owns this one now. That’s what happens when you jump sideways off the cage and kick someone in the face during a title fight. You get to be “Showtime” forever after. You earned that.

2. Conor McGregor: “The Notorious”

You know what I wonder about? It’s the inclusion of the definite article here. He could have been “Notorious” Conor McGregor and we would have all gotten the point. But no, that wasn’t good enough. He had to be “The Notorious” Conor McGregor, which actually kind of works better, since it’s how a tabloid newspaper might write it. (e.g. “The notorious Conor McGregor was back in court for a bail hearing this afternoon …”) The other reason it works? That hint of villainy. Being notorious doesn’t necessarily make you a bad guy, but it’s not an adjective often applied to uniformly good ones.

Gallery Photos: Best of Tony Ferguson view 33 images

1. Tony Ferguson: “El Cucuy”

This is just plain fun to say. Plus, how can you not love the idea of a fighter who brands himself as the monster designed to scare children into behaving? It’s just weird enough that it fits Ferguson’s personality perfectly. Tell your kids to be good, or else you’ll force them to watch some of his workout videos.

Gallery Photos: UFC 229 media day face-offs view 11 images

For more on UFC 229, check out the UFC Rumors section of the site.

The Blue Corner is MMAjunkie’s blog space. We don’t take it overly seriously, and neither should you. If you come complaining to us that something you read here is not hard-hitting news, expect to have the previous sentence repeated in ALL CAPS.

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