Yesterday we learned that Anna Benson—the Baseball Wife who once vowed to sleep with the entire Mets roster if Kris, her pitcher husband, cheated on her—stormed Kris's house in Smyrna, Ga. on Sunday night with a gun, metal baton, and a bulletproof vest, demanding money. He called the cops. Today, the report produced by the cops gives us a fuller picture of what happened.


Anna showed up at Kris's house and walked through the unlocked garage door. She was carrying an extendable metal baton and a purse with a Taurus Judge five-shot revolver in it, and wearing an ammo belt—complete with knife—and a bulletproof vest. (Why was she wearing a bulletproof vest? She told the cops that it was "a new model she was testing for a company." She needed to wear it all the time so that it could mold to her body. Had nothing to do with her plans for Kris, you see.)


Anna found her way to his bedroom, started swinging around the extendable baton—she hit his computer monitor—and told him she needed $30,000, and would hit him. She took the gun out, too. She called him a "pussy" a lot. Kris told her he would get the money, but he needed to go get his wallet. He could get her a lighter, too, while he was out. She needed a cigarette. He then went to the basement, called 911, left the house, and hid in the woods until police arrived.

When they showed up, pointed their guns at her, and placed her under arrest, Anna said she didn't think that she had done anything wrong. She didn't know why it was a big deal. She also said that police ought to look inside Kris's house—there they would find the real crime, "illegal drugs." Lo and behold, the police inventory list includes (in addition to a Taser, a hatchet, and an ammo vest) "1 bag of syringes" and "8 unknown pills." Ladies and gentlemen, we might just have the lamest PED scandal of all time.

The complete inventory now in Smyrna cops' possession:

• 1 Taurus Judge Handgun

• 13 rounds of ammo

• 1 hatchet

• 1 bag of syringes

• 1 hard drive

• 1 ammo vest

• 1 ammo belt (with ammo)

• 1 bullet proof vest

• 1 red knife

• 1 expandable baton

• 1 court order

• 1 black shirt

• 1 2013 Buick Enclave (Anna Benson's)

And here's the whole report: