No-one should get something for nothing, claims man who got everything for nothing

A man who inherited a multi-million pound fortune due to a twist of genetic fate has insisted that nobody should be getting money for nothing.

George Osborne said that the era of people getting money for not doing anything was over, and that people must work for what they are given, unless it’s vast quantities of cash from a wealthy relative.

Osborne told Tory conference attendees, “Just because I had all this money handed to me on a plate doesn’t mean these people should get any money handed to them on a plate.”

“I see how this could seem quite hypocritical to some. But the situations are very different – I got my money due to a quirk of circumstance, whereas these people are getting theirs due to circumstances beyond their control.”

“See how different this is? Plus I got a LOT of money, these people are just getting a few pounds a week.”

“The situations are incomparable if you think about it for a short while, or ask one of your financial advisors about it.”

“My advisors have assured me the situations couldn’t be more different. And I’m sure that if the poor people ask their own financial advisors they would tell them the same.”

“They should get them to explain the situation at their next trust fund portfolio review.”

Osborne benefit reform

Critics have said the latest plan from the Conservatives risks taking society back to a time when the nation’s cities were filled with work houses and abject poverty.

“Ah, the good old days,” concluded Osborne.