Turning to page 37 of his How To Manage Like Lord Ferg manual

GETTING HIGH ON THE FADING SCENT OF SUCCESS

It’s the Manchester derby folks. Under the lights. In front of 76,000 at a raucous Old Trafford. What an occasion! So, naturally, United fans just can’t wait to see their team throw a spanner in the works of Pep’s smooth-grooved Sky Blue title-winning machine, right? Wrong. You see, some United supporters would rather see their noisy neighbours get giddy on Tin and dance all over their doorsteps having won back-to-back titles than see Liverpool end their 29-year wait for a 19th league title. Not since Lloyd Mullaney started flirting with married women on Coronation Street has the prospect of Scouse success caused such uproar in Manchester.

Manchester United can still inflict telling blow on City’s title hopes | Barney Ronay Read more

One Old Trafford loiterer told the Manchester Evening News he hoped City “do us over, like a little bit” because “if [Liverpool] won the league I’d lock myself in my bedroom for ever”. A grown man too. And it wasn’t even Weird Uncle Fiver. With fans like this one in attendance tonight it’s little wonder Pep thinks going to Old Trafford “is not scary” any more.

But having just been given the mother of all shoeings by Everton – a team United usually beat while eating sausage rolls and taking regular naps – Ole Gunnar Solskjær’s players can’t afford to be closet City fans. With Big Cup qualification still a very real possibility – a win would take United level on points with Chelsea in fourth – Solskjær says he won’t bother finding some of the players who are still missing on Merseyside.

“We’re not going to see the same team,” he barked, before turning to page 37 of his How To Manage Like Lord Ferg manual and engaging in pointless mind-games by accusing City of being a bit filthy high up the pitch because players are not often booked when fouling in the opposition half. Turning to page 38, he hauled his squad off for a matchday training session at United’s old training ground, The Cliff, in the vain hope that Paul Pogba might get high on the fading scent of success that still lingers around the place in the form of David Beckham’s old jockstrap and Roy Keane’s blood-spattered socks.

If he made it to page 39, expect to see Ryan Giggs on the left, Paul Scholes in the middle and Andy Cole and Teddy Sheringham up front. Whatever team he puts out, it will be heartily cheered to the rafters on the red half of Merseyside. Liverpool fans supporting United? United fans supporting City? What a time to be alive!

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Paul Doyle from 8pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Manchester United 1-3 Manchester City.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“It hasn’t properly sunk in yet. To be in that bracket in world football, it’s outrageous” – Bishop’s Stortford’s Jamie Cureton chats to Ben Fisher after becoming one of only 29 players in the world to make his 1,000th competitive appearance, alongside Roberto Carlos, Xavi and Raúl, among others.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Raúl never did it on a warm Monday afternoon in Bishop’s Stortford. Photograph: Nathan Cracknell

FIVER LETTER

“Re: Tuesday’s news/bit/bob on Leeds being on the wrong end of dodgy refereeing decisions? My heart bleeds” – Jim Hearson.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Jim Hearson.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Manchester City are considering making an offer for Benfica’s defensive midfield whippersnapper Florentino Luís who, with a release clause of €60m, would cost an eye-popping €15m for every first-team appearance he has made so far.

Stéphanie Frappart will become the first woman to referee a Ligue Urrrnnn game when Amiens host Strasbourg this weekend, to prepare for the Women’s World Cup. “Fifa has invited federations with a chosen referee for the World Cup, to prepare them under the best conditions for this high-level competition,” zut-alorsed a French FA statement.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Stéphanie Frappart: whistleblower. Photograph: Mike Egerton/PA

The former Barcelona president Sandro Rosell has been acquitted of money laundering after spending nearly two years in prison. Meanwhile Belgian police raided the offices of Anderlecht and the Belgian FA on Wednesday morning in a money laundering investigation, with Aleksandar Mitrovic’s move to Newcastle in 2015 among the transfers reportedly being looked into.

Maurizio Sarri has been charged with misconduct after he was sent to the naughty step at the end of Chelsea’s draw with Burnley on Monday.

And the champagne will be left on ice at Wembley next month, when the FA Cup winners will instead be handed a non-alcoholic alternative to celebrate with. “This is to ensure we are as inclusive as possible to players and communities who may be prohibited from alcohol, as well as any players who are under 18,” parped an FA suit.

STILL WANT MORE?

Barney Ronay scrambles to find some light amid the gloom at Old Trafford, and says United’s scapegoated players can still inflict a decisive blow on City’s title hopes.

Football’s pathetic omertas only serve to benefit those with real power, writes Marina Hyde in a headline far beyond the The Fiver’s capabilities to understand.

Paul Wilson’s team of the Premier League season incredibly misses out André-Frank Zambo Anguissa. See what other shock omissions there are here.

Fiorentina haven’t won a proper trophy since 2001 – but they might soon. Ramez Nathan recalls their last triumph in the Coppa Italia.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest The other Bobby M! Photograph: Claudio Villa/Getty Images

Be braced for an all-out stat attack as the Knowledge answers the question: are Liverpool or Manchester City on course for a record runner-up season?

And when two England greats such as Kelly Smith and Rachel Yankey say Phil Neville’s side can win this summer’s World Cup, you better listen up, writes Suzanne Wrack.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

OH ERIC!



