On the morning of March 25th, air traffic controllers and other pilots in Texas were blocked from communicating with each other for two minutes because a Southwest airline pilot accidentally left his microphone on as he bitched to his co-pilot about homosexuals, women who wouldn't sleep with him, the elderly, and the ugly women in Houston. Houston TV station KPRC obtained a recording (below) of the hate-filled diatribe, which was unleashed by a guy entrusted with the lives of hundreds of people on a daily basis. Basically, he's the Bizarro World Captain Sully:

The rant starts out with the unidentified pilot complaining that the flight attendants he's been forced to work with are not up to his standards. "There's 12 flight attendants...Eleven (expletive) over the top (expletive), (expletive) homosexuals and a granny," the pilot says. Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party-land. After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes." Yes, grandes, which we interpret as a reference to plus-size women. (To be fair, at least he didn't call them trentas.)

The pilot then goes on to talk about how he stayed up until 2 a.m. in St. Louis with two women who spent three hours berating their sister and husband. And even after patiently enduring all that, neither of the women wanted to have intercourse with him! "I still wouldn't want anyone to know that I had banged them," he adds for clarity. Your heart just bleeds for him, doesn't it? At this point the air traffic controller in Houston unsuccessfully tries to interrupt the tirade, saying, "OK, whoever is, uh, transmitting, better watch what you're saying."

This does not work, as the pilot goes on to trash Houston, the lack of attractive women there, and the overabundance of elderly women. The air traffic controller interjects again, saying, "Okay, someone's got to stop mic and tell him we're hearing all about his endeavors. We don't need to hear that." At that point, another pilot chimes in saying, "That wasn't us. And they wonder why airline pilots have a bad reputation."

The pilot has been suspended without pay for an "indefinite" period, and Southwest Airlines issued a statement saying, "We are committed and dedicated to maintaining the highest standard of ethics in the industry; in fact we’ve built our Company’s reputation on the Golden Rule: treating others as you would like to be treated, with concern, care and respect. The actions of this Pilot are, without question, inconsistent with the professional behavior and overall respect that we require from our Employees." The Southwest flight attendants' union is considering filing a lawsuit. [ABC News]