TO: Rachel Maddow, personally

FR: Mr. Jeb Bush, personally

RE: Ms. Maddow’s inaccurate and libelous linking of Mr. Bush and Barclays Banking PLC

For many years I have been a managing director of Barclays Coffee & Tea Co., based in California. During their 41 years providing tasty tea to the world – including those years of my association with the company – we worked tirelessly to establish a reputation for superior tea product, without at any time resorting to offering our products to Cuban tea aficionados.

Moreover, those who know me realize that my love of tea beverages surpasses all my numerous other cravings, even those like lying and misrepresenting myself in activities related to my mild interest in exploring a 2016 presidential election win. Furthermore, should a presidential candidacy interfere with my tea habits or my experimentation with tea-like substances such as tea-infused chocolate brownies, my decision will be quick and final. I shall not abandon the tea plant, my leafy master, for eight years of mind-numbing presidential duties.

In closing, I resent Ms. Maddow’s televised misrepresentation of my association with a kindly tea company as somehow related to Barclays Banking PLC. I neither like nor support banks. I adore tea, only tea, more tea, infinite varieties of tea, tea in general, and tea in particular. Finally, I cannot even locate Cuba on a map.

Therefore, I expect and demand a full and humble apology in time for my morning jug of tea on the morrow, December 20, 2014.

cc: Barclays Banking PLC

My lawyers

Poppy

My friend Joe

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