Kobe Bryant is gone.

I’m screaming right now, cursing into the sky, crying into my keyboard, and I don’t care who knows it.

Kobe Bryant is gone, and those are the hardest words I’ve ever had to write for this newspaper, and I still don’t believe them as I’m writing them. I’m still crying, and go ahead, let it out. Don’t be embarrassed, cry with me, weep and wail and shout into the streets, fill a suddenly empty Los Angeles with your pain.

No. No. No, damn it, no!


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Bryant, 41, and his 13-year-old daughter, Gianna, were among nine people who died in a helicopter crash Sunday in Calabasas and how does that happen? Kobe is stronger than any helicopter. He didn’t even need a helicopter. For 20 years he flew into greatness while carrying a breathless city with him.

This can’t be true.

Kobe does not die. Not now. Kobe lives into his golden years, lives long enough to see his statues erected outside Staples Center and his jerseys inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. He lives long enough to sit courtside at Staples when he’s stooped and gray, keeping alive the memories of two decades of greatness with a wink, maybe even fooling everyone one last time by retiring in a community next to Shaq.


× L.A. mourns the death of Lakers legend Kobe Bryant.

How can Mamba be dead? Mambas don’t die. Why this, why now, why him, why them? Kobe and Gianna leave behind an incredibly strong wife and mother, Vanessa, and daughters Natalia, 17, Bianka, 3, and Capri, who was born last summer. The horror of this is unspeakable. The tragedy of this is immeasurable.

Go ahead and keep crying, you won’t be alone. A huge hole has been cut out of Los Angeles’ heart, and the wound is breathtaking.

Kobe was your childhood hero. He was your adult icon. For 20 years he was on posters in your bedroom, on the television in your living room, in the lunch talk in your school cafeteria, in the smack talk at your office water cooler, and ultimately riding on a truck down Figueroa Street while you cheered and bragged and bathed in his greatness.


You watched him grow up, and this city’s relentless approach to sports grew with him, and soon, even with all of his off-court failings, many people felt they carried a little piece of him.

On your best days, the days you landed a big account or aced a big test or just survived a battle with traffic, you felt like Kobe. You were Kobe. And in the end, as he retired into a life of movies and books and coaching Gianna’s basketball team, he was us.

For me, he not only dominated my professional life, he consumed it. He arrived in Los Angeles two months before I began writing this column. We used to joke that we started our journeys together. But then he would pat me on the back and shake his head at that notion because, well, he always followed his own path.


He was the one Laker who never had an entourage, and many nights after games we would chat as I walked with him to his car. Except when he would get mad at me for what he considered unfair criticism, and then we wouldn’t talk for weeks, because when he was playing, he was that rare fighter who never dropped his fists.

1 / 43 Martin Yan, 35, of Diamond Bar stands beside of a mural depicting Kobe Bryant on Lebanon Street northeast of Staples Center. Fans are flocking to the area and having photos taken with the mural. (Francine Orr / Los Angeles Times) 2 / 43 The investigation continues Tuesday at the crash site in Calabasas where a helicopter carrying Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and seven others crashed, killing all aboard. (Al Seib / Los Angeles Times) 3 / 43 The pilot was identified by colleagues as Ara Zobayan, 50, of Huntington Beach. (Bernadette McKeever) 4 / 43 The Sikorsky S-76B helicopter (N72EX) that crashed in Calabasas. (Geraldine Petrovic / Polaris) 5 / 43 A tribute to Kobe Bryant is projected on the Los Angeles Times building. (Los Angeles Times) 6 / 43 A couple pay their respects at a memorial at home plate in honor of Orange Coast College head baseball coach John Altobelli, who perished with wife Keri, and daughter, Alyssa, in Sunday’s helicopter crash with Kobe Bryant. (Don Leach / Daily Pilot) 7 / 43 Uziel Colon takes a photo of his wife, Maria Home, and daughter Lena with a mural created to honor Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna. The mural is by Art Gozukuchikyan on the side of VEM Exotic Rentals on Ventura Boulevard in Studio City. (Irfan Khan / Los Angeles Times) 8 / 43 People pay tribute to Kobe Bryant outside the gated community in Newport Coast where his family lives. (Don Leach / Los Angeles Times) 9 / 43 Kinzo Beachem writes on the cement next to a makeshift memorial for former Lakers player Kobe Bryant at L.A. Live plaza in front of Staples Center. (Francine Orr / Los Angeles Times) 10 / 43 Fans gather outside Staples Center in Los Angeles to mourn the death of Kobe Bryant after news spread that Bryant and his daughter Gianna were among the nine killed in a helicopter crash in Calabasas. (Marcus Yam / Los Angeles Times) 11 / 43 A Lakers fan sobs at a memorial for Kobe Bryant outside the Lakers’ practice facility in El Segundo on Sunday. (Wally Skalij / Los Angeles Times) 12 / 43 Emergency responders cover remains at the site of the helicopter crash that killed nine people including Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna on Sunday in Calabasas. (Christina House / Los Angeles Times) 13 / 43 From left, Christopher Pena, 33, and his wife Lizbeth, 30, of Pacoima, mourn with Jose Gutierrez, 33, of La Puente, near the site of the Calabasas helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant and eight others. (Mel Melcon / Los Angeles Times) 14 / 43 Nancy Fernandez of Van Nuys lights a candle at a memorial for Kobe Bryant at De Anza Park in Calabasas on Sunday. (Christina House / Los Angeles Times) 15 / 43 Fans mourn near Staples Center after learning that Lakers great Kobe Bryant had died. (Marcus Yam / Los Angeles Times) 16 / 43 Mourners huddle at L.A. Live, across from Staples Center, site of the home court of Kobe Bryant and the Lakers. (Marcus Yam / Los Angeles Times) 17 / 43 A woman kneels at the makeshift memorial to Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center in Los Angeles. (Marcus Yam / Los Angeles Times) 18 / 43 A man kisses the ground as Lakers fans gather at a memorial to Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center. (Marcus Yam / Los Angeles Times) 19 / 43 Fans (from left) Alex Fultz, Eddy Rivas and Rene Alfaro gather with others near a makeshift memorial for Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center on Sunday after learning of his death. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 20 / 43 Fans gather around a makeshift memorial to Kobe Bryant at L.A. Live on Sunday evening. (Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times) 21 / 43 Naima Smith, 37, and Swania Hogue, 48, both of Los Angeles, mourn the loss of Kobe Bryant at a vigil in Leimert Park on Sunday. (Jason Armond / Los Angeles Times) 22 / 43 Fans gather near a makeshift memorial for Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center after learning of the Lakers legend’s death Sunday. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 23 / 43 A Lakers fan touches a memorial for Kobe Bryant outside the Lakers practice facility in El Segundo on Sunday. (Wally Skalij / Los Angeles Times) 24 / 43 Mourners gather at the corner of Las Virgenes Road and Willow Glen Street in Calabasas near the site of the helicopter crash. (Christina House / Los Angeles Times) 25 / 43 Naima Smith, 37, lays flowers at a makeshift memorial during a vigil for Kobe Bryant in Leimert Park on Sunday. (Jason Armond / Los Angeles Times) 26 / 43 Fans stand near a memorial for Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center on Sunday after learning of his death in a helicopter crash in Calabasas. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 27 / 43 Naima Smith, 37, center, and other fans mourn the death of Kobe Bryant at a vigil in Leimert Park on Sunday. (Jason Armond / Los Angeles Times) 28 / 43 Fans stand near a makeshift memorial for Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center on Sunday after learning of his death in a helicopter crash in Calabasas. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 29 / 43 A screen at L.A. Live on Sunday displays an image of Lakers legend Kobe Bryant following his death in a helicopter crash in Calabasas. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 30 / 43 Fans gather near a makeshift memorial for Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center after learning of the Lakers legend’s death Sunday. (Dania Maxwell/Los Angeles Times) 31 / 43 Fans gather near a makeshift memorial for Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center after learning of the Lakers legend’s death Sunday. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 32 / 43 Fans gather near a makeshift memorial for Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center after learning of the Lakers legend’s death Sunday. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 33 / 43 Fans gather near a makeshift memorial for Kobe Bryant outside Staples Center after learning of the Lakers legend’s death Sunday. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 34 / 43 Bryant Hirshman is hugged by his father, Craig, and mother, Elena, near the helicopter crash site in Calabasas that claimed the lives of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, Gianna, and seven others Sunday. (Mel Melcon / Los Angeles Times) 35 / 43 People gather on Las Virgenes Road in Calabasas near the site of a helicopter crash that claimed the lives of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, Gianna, and seven others Sunday. (Mel Melcon / Los Angeles Times) 36 / 43 Amanda Gordon and her husband, Philip, mourn the death of Lakers legend Kobe Bryant near the site of a helicopter crash Calabasas that claimed the lives of the Lakers legend, his daughter, Gianna, and seven others Sunday. (Mel Melcon / Los Angeles Times) 37 / 43 Jianing Zhang, right, and his girlfriend Cathy Xiao gather with others near the helicopter crash site in Calabasas that claimed the lives of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, Gianna, and seven others Sunday. (Mel Melcon / Los Angeles Times) 38 / 43 Large Kobe Bryant memorial signs are illuminated at L.A. Live as fans Aldo Luna and his son Ethan of Pomona gather with others paying their respects outside Staples Center. (Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times) 39 / 43 Lakers fans mourn the death of Kobe Bryant at a makeshift memorial. (Wally Skalij / Los Angeles Times) 40 / 43 Fans post sticky notes paying tribute to Kobe Bryant on a mural of the former NBA superstar outside Shoe Palace on Melrose Avenue in L.A. (Jason Armond / Los Angeles Times) 41 / 43 Fans gather at a makeshift memorial outside Staples Center to mourn Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 42 / 43 Fans gather outside Staples Center at a makeshift memorial to Kobe Bryant. (Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times) 43 / 43 Kobe Bryant’s No. 8 and No. 24 Lakers jerseys hang in the rafters at Staples Center during preparations for the Grammy Awards on Sunday night. (Robert Gauthier / Los Angeles Times)

I covered his first game. I covered his last game. I wrote about everything in between, the titles and the sexual assault charge and the trade demands and the titles again and then finally that 60-point career-ending game against Utah.

I screamed from press row that night, just as I’m screaming now, still shaking, still not believing.


Kobe Bryant is gone.

We talked just last week.

I emailed Kobe with a request to speak to him about being passed on the all-time scoring list by LeBron James.

He emailed me back immediately. He always did.


He cleared his calendar and made time to chat on the phone because, as he always said, “You’ve been there for everything with me.”

But then, in our 20-minute conversation, he showed a side of Kobe that I had not seen before.

The edge was gone. The arms were open. He urged acceptance of LeBron. He preached calm for Lakers fans. He said greatness wasn’t worth anything if you couldn’t share it.


After about five minutes the message of this call was clear, the steely-eyed Mamba was purposely moving into a role of a wise, embracing and grateful leader of a community that had shown him so much patience and love.

“It’s crazy, watching this city and growing with it,” he said before hanging up. “I feel such an appreciation, I can never pay the city back for what it’s given me.”

And now he’s gone. Kobe is gone. Kobe is gone.

I’ll say it 81 times and it still won’t make any sense.


Kobe Bryant is gone and, so, too, is a little bit of all of us.



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