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5 Tips For Parents to Build A Child’s Confidence in Their Gifts and Talents.[/caption]

Last week my daughter and I had to retrieve a toy that fell deep into the dark abyss of our couch. That’s always a task, finding the remote or hair bands, toys and even cell phones that fall into the back crevice of said couch. My hands were scratched up from such an awful hidden area. However, we found some great little gems.

I had an epiphany while we pulled one thing after another from out of the deep couch abyss.

Finding hidden couch treasures are a little similar to finding hidden talents within our children. We may get scratched and bruised in our parenting roles. Our child will as well.

How is it done?

How do we help our children even begin to know what is within them?

I have 5 suggestions:

#1- See your child with new eyes.

When we try to give our daughter new experiences, we see her in a new light. It’s like our eyes undergo this transformation. We see her brave when she sometimes feel apprehensive and unsure.

Our jaws drop every time we see her flutter off to do something unexpectedly brave when she feels the freedom and confidence to do so.

When we look at our child without anger or frustration, it’s as if we’re putting on our treasure hunting glasses.

The best thing you and I can do is ask God to help you see our children with new eyes; eyes that notice the good more than the bad.

Ask Heaven to help you discover the miraculous within him or her. Because there are too many moments we want to wring their necks for ignoring, disobeying, lying and disappointing us; it is a must that heavenly help shine light on the incredible traits and abilities hiding under all of their grit.

#2- Encourage Him or Her with Positive Praise

I have to re-learn often. My daughter is stubborn. Just like both of her parents. When I take several deep breaths and find something to compliment in her, she eventually gets out of her fight ir flight mode.

Each child has the great need to feel celebrated and encouraged by their parents.

It’s been said before that children need to hear at least 3 positives to 1 negative comment we give them.

Instead of 3…lets flood them with 8-18 positives to 1 negative. Boost their confidence when they are even remotely succeeding.

Take every chance you can to brag about the good in your child.

Dig deep into the recesses of your couch…I mean brain, when things are tough, or your child is a ball of fire and rage. Take a moment to show them what they accomplished.

Take them to a special place that will remind them just how unique and priceless they are to you. This can be a jewelry store with precious gems. Relate this to your child. They are under a lot of pressure, but their more valuable than any precious stone imaginable.

Show them a picture of their dream vacation or activity or sports team stadium, then help them know that the way you feel about them is 1000 times more spectacular than that one place.

#3- Let your child see their potential through your adoring eyes.

Is it hard for you to “adore” your child? They push your buttons, demand so much, give you sass, etc.

You are not alone. I have felt this way so many times. My daughter has heard me complain and talk about what frustrates me about her behavior and sass and everything else.

I keep re-learning that she needs me to celebrate what she does right. She needs me to tell her in person. She needs me to do this when she’s not around. She needs me to be her on her side, no matter how many grey hairs I gain each year due to the stresses of parenting.

You can do this by pushing them to keep trying when they feel like they’re a great big failure.

My mother tried very hard to help me see my worth when I was hard on myself, growing up.

I’ll never forget hearing her tell me how good I am at something when all I could see was failure and struggle.

#4- Allow your child to have new experiences in something they’re interested in from time to time. And then give encouragement, and even a slight push to expand their comfort zone.

Set them up for success so that they will feel treasured by you.

Some behavioral models call it behavior momentum.

You ask them to do 2 easily accomplished tasks (x and y). Consider these 2 tasks their warm up. Always show respect, gratitude and kindness to your child for these small triumphs.

You’ve got the success ball rolling. The momentum is building.

Here comes the big one:

Ask your child to do something difficult. Their confidence is up. Tell them you know they can try because they’ve always been amazing at x and y.

#5- Take some time to pull out the good.

This takes dedicated time, patience and a loving game face from you. As a parent, your opportunity is to recognize the good in your child at each moment possible.

Why? Because it is 100% true.

There are unbelievable gifts, traits, talents, and treasures beyond measure in the universe housed in your child. They have so much to offer, so much to conquer!

Talk to him/her at mealtime, praising what they did right, how they treat a friend, stand up for someone, turn in a project, have high expectations. Tell them they are unique because not everyone can do what they can.

I really like what Dr. Caron Goode (author of “Raising Intuitive Children: Guide Your Children To Know and Trust Their Gifts”) said during a YouTube interview on The Moore Show. She mentioned that when children are always connected to a blue screen, such as a TV, video games, phones, etc…they do not have time or space for creativity, to listen to their inner voice, to search and develop their gifts and talents.

So this is your challenge and mine: Allow time to ponder. Give them a set amount of quiet time each day. Avoid filling their day so full with active sports, etc, that they are unable to think through things and be creative and connect with peaceful environments such as walking the dog outside, or watching the wind blow the trees. That quiet time helps their neural pathways to foster creativity, self-reflection and deeper thinking.

In a world where each of us feel buried with blame, fault, rejection and imperfection; We can help our child uncover the priceless attributes within them.

Be your child’s advocate.

Stand up for them even when they may not deserve it.

Be the most diligent treasure hunting parent for your child. Uncover any brilliant, shimmery, golden purity and help your child hold onto that!

They need you on their side in their ever-increasing difficult life.