Newly Discovered Scroll Reveals Jesus Had “Magic Red Nose”

Mar 04, 2019

Christians around the world are overjoyed by the discovery of a new gospel.

A new scroll found in the Dead Seas reveals that Jesus Christ and “his wife Mary” would don “magical red noses” before important events, such as the Sermon on the Mount, the Cleansing of the Temple, walking on water, and healing the lepers.

The scrolls, dated around 30 A.D., would be the earliest writings of Jesus ever recorded, and the only ones written during Jesus's lifetime.

Spiritual leaders are usually renowned for their sense of laughter, yet Jesus never laughed in the gospels. The Bible describes Jesus as a man of sorrow, acquainted with grief, carrying enormous burdens. In fact, there’s not a single passage in the New Testament where Jesus laughs, but there are many where he cries.

With the discovery of this new scroll, it is now clear the role of the red nose.

From the Red Nose Scroll, Chapter 4:12-17:

“And Mary and the Lord came upon a ceremony in honor of Venus. When invited into the circle, they first slipped the red nose upon their countenance. The revilers laughed in uproar as they very seriously preached the Way and the Light. When finished, they joined the party and the wine flowed. All felt the Holy Spirit moving through this apparition of laughter. Shortly thereafter, many went to the river and drank upon it.”

According to scroll interpreter Jennifer Payas, “It is now clear why Jesus was so serious. If he laughed while wearing the red nose, the message would be less effective. He’d lose his audience. By keeping a straight face, the parables and the red nose let the feeling of laughter do the true preaching. This is why he wore it so frequently, even during his final days on the cross.”

Shockingly, many Christians are calling for this scroll to be destroyed. That it is the work of the devil. US President Donald Trump tweeted "Jesus had no nose. Rosie O'Donnell. California." But others seem to be embracing the word revealed in new ways.

We here at The Tilted Glass promise to update you with new developments as they come. Until then, keep your noses up.