Pitch black, eyes wide open,

Am I coming or going, I know not,

I hear no sound, feel no wind,

Are my senses failing, or feeling nothing.

Is this a dream, of needed respite,

A break for me? That’s not right!

I am no good, a waste of a soul,

In this magical world, I play no role.

I am a broken gear, in the world engine,

Like in a game of chess, a pawn spare,

A freeloading spectator, in the game of life,

Leeching off the world, making it hurt.

I wonder always, what I am,

An existence accursed, is all it is,

No sense of direction, a life frozen still,

No ambition no aim, devoid of will.

As I stand dry, near the river of life,

I’d rather not know, how pointless I am,

I survive, to eat, to drink, to shit and piss,

I finally understand why ignorance is bliss.

I want to scream, but make no noise,

To cause a racket, without using my voice,

I want to break the pattern, do something rash,

I wanna mess up the river, without making a splash.

Why should I work so hard, to just be heard,

A little attention, is all I ask for,

Some one who cares, who fucking gives a damn,

A show of true feelings, not outright sham!

Why are y’all so good, at playing the part,

What classes did I miss, that gave you this start,

I wonder, in envy, if I can conform,

I’ll just lose myself, what’s the harm?

So I put on a mask, to blend in,

Hoping it hides, what I really am,

I play the game, hoping to fit in,

Hopelessly desperate, for even a small win.

I feel exhausted, constantly stressed,

How do y’all do this, how you so blessed?

How does everyone, wear this mask with so ease,

How do you make this, look like a breeze?

Never matter the stakes, I shall endure,

That bit of attention, irresistible lure,

I’ll learn to fit in, whatever the cost,

Even if my own will, I will have lost.

Evolution is bliss, for those who conform,

Eliminating those, who should have never been born,

The only way I see, to play this game,

To drown myself out, and pretend to be same.