PHOENIX—Claiming that even one second of actually thinking about it makes you realize just how nuts the whole thing is, the Society Of American Baseball Research published the results of a study Thursday finding that it’s crazy the MLB still counts statistics from the sport’s segregated era. “After months of data analysis, we’ve concluded that it’s batshit insane that MLB counts stats from an era where many of the best players were completely barred from the league,” said co-author Henry Hamrah, reminding record keepers that the MLB went out of its way to endlessly debate the much more complicated merits of steroid-era players while just acting like the segregated era never happened. “The numbers are just in there like nothing was different. They are out of their goddamn minds. It’s not even that hard of a fix; just create a separate category for pre-segregation players and be done with it. African-American players were banned, and you act like everything is legit? It’s so fucked up you almost have to wonder if they’re even aware they never fixed it?” Hamrah concluded by suggesting the MLB could start making good by removing 90% of pre-segregation players from the Hall-of-Fame.

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