WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Accusing them of involvement in “a widespread conspiracy to save President Obama’s failed health-care program,” Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California) today subpoenaed the approximately seven million Americans who have signed up for Obamacare so far.

Arguing that the impressive enrollment numbers “don’t pass the smell test,” the House Oversight Committee chairman told reporters, “Any rational person would come to the same conclusion that I have: namely, that this is a well-orchestrated conspiracy of seven million people trying to make Obamacare look good.”

The California Republican said that the seven million co-conspirators targeted by his subpoenas would be required to travel to Washington to testify before his committee or risk being found in contempt of Congress.

“If you signed up for Obamacare, you have a lot of explaining to do,” he said.

In announcing the subpoenas, Rep. Issa indicated that his committee could begin grilling the seven million Obamacare enrollees as early as next week. “If my suspicions are correct, this could be bigger than Benghazi,” he said.

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Photograph by J. Scott Applewhite/AP.