He's got a bar set up in his house with a juke box and beer on tap and slot machines.

Jay, if you're with that slut from the laundromat again, I swear I will

to kiss and tell. But I boned more chicks

- instead of building whirlybirds that are gonna cost a fortune, maybe they oughta get rid of gas taxes.

20 hours on the road and I barely made it 35 miles.†

9 ferrets, 13 kids and 4 ex wives.

A gun up your ass. Put down the mouse and pay attention to your wife.

Affirmative.

after being committed to a mental home. So what if I tried to burn down my parents house?

Ah no, what happened?

Ah shit, how?

Ah shit, I could just cry.

Ah shit! The cops are here! SHIT SHIT SHIT!

Ain't you a serial killer?

And as far as I'm concerned we'd be find without all these damn tourists come out here

and don't have to pay no damn alimony!

And his daughter just turned 18 and has a set of boobies on her that make me cry.

and I know exactly where you are. Asshole.

and lube all over the back seat.

And people are having a lot of sex in their back seats cause the number of condoms I find is astounding.

and that ol' Stu was saving his fingernails and hair on the kitchen table.

and then when they get past their prime for stripping they got to make money somehow, and that's where I come in!

and there was some old bitch standing there on the sidewalk. So I went to go pick her up, then I realized she was dead. Now, nobody saw this,

And you exhale harmless water vapor but still get the same high as freebasin.

Any good buddies looking to lighten the load?

any of you know a better way than heading down that damn Del Perro freeway?

Any of you want an interesting time

Anybody interested in new release DVDs, adult videos I'm gonna be sellin' 'em outta my truck.

Anybody out there seen or heard from Lucky Jay?

Anyone heading west on the 68 along the Zancudo River, you are in for a treat.†

Anyone in the Alamo Sea area have some jumper cables?

Anyone know the name of that Truck Stop Tommy at the place on the interstate near Las Venturas?

As soon as a girl finds out I was in the looney bin they run the other direction.

Asshole owes me for all that dirt work I did last month.

Bangin' you last night!

Be careful over there.

Be careful, ol' Tessy made a bad batch and lost sight in one eye.

Be quiet you dizzy skirt, the men are talking!

before you go off and strangle a hooker or something.

Big Major Barf.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Do you assholes ever talk about anything interesting?

Breaker 1-9, breaker-breaker 1-9.†Anyone got a bear report?

Breaker, breaker 1-9. Anybody out there? This is Kitten Rider.†

Bring rubbers.

But bitches are crazier than me!

But that's what happens when you pleasure yourself while drivin'. I'm just sayin', it gets lonely out here.

But the nice thing was that the women would die pretty frequently so you could have 2 or 3 wives in your life

But you do smell down there.

By havin' sex with lot lizards!

BZZZZZZZZ! Whooo hahhhh yeah! Middle age is making me crazy!

Can't do much about that. Soy Mexicano, eh?

Car parts everyhere. And a rig full of monkey pickles jackknifed and had shit every-damn-where.

Catfish?

Cathy Cougar this is Mudd Man, slower than the Ho Chi Minh trail out here.

Cause it smells like when you don't shower for 2 days!

Cause that's my name, Cat Food Frankie.

Cause you give truck drivin' a bad name.

Charlie you are full of shit - there ain't no reason we can't close those borders

Charlie! You know I'm hopin to get knocked up!

Chumash Charlie! I heard you were dead.

Collect the stuff that rises to the top. It's good shit!

Come again, neighbor. You're startin' to sound kinda Spanishy.†

Come again, this is Eddie Low, all I'm hearin' is mumbo jumbo.

Committed. I tried to burn down my parents house.

Copy that. This is Porcupine Pete goin' south on the Senora Freeway.†Who do you pull for, driver?†

Cotton Pony here - waving a hand from the Redwood lights track, what's your 20?

Cotton Pony.

cut off your tiny penis and feed it to that dog of yours that won't stop shitting in the bathtub.

Damn near understand what they were sayin'! Homo this, como that, I dunno. It's a shame.

DMA Dude here - the hell all this rachet jaw goin on!?

Do you guys all play wearing towels, like you was in the locker room?

Does anyone need a used Exorbeo 720 gaming system?

Eddie Low?

Either I got too many eggs in the basket or some bearings went bad but this load don't feel right.

Every day? Where the hell were you?

Everyone stay away from that Taco Truck on Marina Drive.†

Fantasy football is a lot of fun. I kick it with my boys, make trades.

Fantasy football? Man, what a bunch of bullshit!

Fat girl had my damn arm pinned.

Feelin' a bit like when I lost a load ouside Vice City one time.

Fired a shot into the air. That got their attention.

Four beautiful puppies sniffing the breeze.†I hit the ditch and damn near flipped greasy side up.†

Four pulled pork with extra mayo.†Worst decision of my life.†

Gave his girlfriend a little present called Herpes. Ha!

Get over here and do what needs to be done.

God, women are idiots.

Green pick-up, San Andreas license plate 43GY8.

Ha! A damn rent a cop! Go sit in a chair and watch the world go by.

Hah, they sure do act victimized when they get a smell of my junk that's been sweatin in a truck all damn day! Smells like onions.

Half the shit in cars is made in Australia these days and they don't pay people for nothing.

He must have been lookin' for it in my ass!

He said you got back fat. Is that true?

He was meetin' a girl up in Raton Canyon on the way home, she found out.

Hell I'd do it myself if I hadn't thrown out my damn back working at the diner.

Hell if they didn't raise sales tax again!

Hell they bring that shit in submarines now. Ain't gonna stop people from doing cocaine.

Hell yeah!

Hell you wouldn't believe what I find when I'm fixing people's cars. Bottles of booze under the seats. Loaded guns. A dead cat.

Hell, have a couple of those babies and some beers and cigarettes and you got yourself an evening.

Hell, I wish I could get me an Asian girl that wasn't batshit and tried to kill me in my sleep.

Hey - to the asshole who stole my Ifruit phone, I hope you know that I have a tracking device on it

Hey Carol, this is Moony, you got your ears on?

Hey Cathy?

Hey Chili Dog, you comin' over tonight?

Hey Clyde, I'm gonna be late to work - my car won't start.

Hey Gary, it's Taco, we got any action?

Hey Gary, it's Taco. Your bitch is here and she mad as fuck.

Hey Hamster, you're gonna have to check the coil on that. The condenser and the pot allow the vaour to condense and trickle down.

Hey if anyone wants we're going to be playin pool over at Luke's later.

Hey John, this is Lacie, you forgot something, come back to the shop.

Hey kid, you talked to Pile Driver lately?

Hey Lisa T, you out there?

Hey Mikey, did you work on that lady's van?

Hey Mikey, this is Chuck. Pick up a fan belt for that truck.

Hey Moony!

Hey Pete - this is the Flyin Camel. I think I just fucked up your combine pretty good.

Hey Shelia, if you're listening, this is Frankie - I'm really sorry about last night.

Hey Shelly, it's Gary, I'll be coming in at 7.

Hey shorty. If you could put down that chicken your sticking your penis in and bring the arc welder.

Hey this is Golden Rain - I'm bringing some stuff from our farm to the farmers market in Del Perro -

Hey, Dick, you want to come over tonight? It's fantasy football with my crew.

Hey, don't be mad at me cause you're a truck driver with a serial killer's name.

Hey, I think some of those heifers are about to get loose.

Hey, you run out of interesting stuff on the internet?

Hi Francine. I'll be over to see you right after I go to the beauty parlor.

Hit him over the head with the coffee table.

Holy shit did you see the recent episode of Princess Robot Bubblegum?

Holy shit you stupid redneck, shut up!

Holy shit!

Holy shit. You're a wacko.

How much damn money have we spent on that windfarm off the Senora Freeway

How much for just you baby?

How?

How'd she find out?

I am knocking on your back door, sweetlips. What do you say we pull over and get to know each other better?

I bet I can.

I can't stand the city. Full of pretty boys and assholes

I didn't mean it when I belted you over the head with the nightstand.

I don't care if your prick has been inside it.

I don't have to spend my money on anything else.

I don't know how any man would bed me lookin' like this. I can't even pleasure myself no more.

I don't know how the hell you read them damn Dragon Brain novels. Bunch of medieval nonsense.

I don't know. Derek was being an asshole.

I don't reckon I can.

I got a cold rig full of fish and I think my refrigeration unit just give out.

I got a hot load ready to deliver but a damn Lane Lover won't let me through. Bad mess-em up over at the junction.

I got something to keep you excited.

I had the same issue.†Doc tells me I gotta quit redwoods too - but what the fuck is the point of that?

I have a gun and I can take down a predator drone.†

I hear he's over by chumash but at this point I hope he rots in hell.

I hear you there buddy.

I heard her kid cryin' in the other room and I nearly had to chew my own arm off to get out of there.†

I heard his lady put him up in the hospital.

I know baby, I - I know.

I know Kerry slept on the job and stuff was always goin missin' but immigrants got no business working at a gas station.

I know you do.

I like my crops genetically modified and my meat factory farmed.

I like the sound of that. Meet me on Marina Drive.

I lost my horse, anyone seen it?

I might just head over there and take a dump in his gas tanks.

I need him to focus on knocking me up so I don't have to work any more!

I saw you scheming on my man.

I spend all my money on guns and knives. I ain't the kinda feller

I spent the last two days with rusty water pouring out of my cornhole.

I stopped at the damn gas station and damn if they didn't replace Kerry with some Goddamn immigrant!

I sure do miss you, Charlie.

I tell you one thing, I don't like albinos.

I tell you what, I 'bout damn near lost some fingers on a table saw this morning.

I tell you, albino porn is hard to find.

I tell you, ever since I switched to the electrotoke I feel so much better.

I tell you, I like a few beers in the morning like any man, but shit if it don't make me sloppy with my power tools.

I tell you, the quality of woman you get in that lot is way better than Shakeytown.

I think someone drove through here shitfaced and took this fence out.

I thought all you truckers were serial killers

I used to be a corrections officer but got tired of watching guys with tattoos bareback each other.

I was just mad, and wacked out on Tina. I love you baby.

I was up until 4 in the damn morning playing Loot and Wank.

I woke up next to a nasty girl I picked up drunk all over at slab city.†

I'm a level 47 wizard now, and I have an dwarf girlfriend that follows me around and pulls glitter out of her ass.

I'm a security guard.

I'm calling you an idiot, dummy. Now fuckin' bake a cake and shut up.

I'm gone, Pete.†You take care.

I'm gonna kill that kid!

I'm here I'm here! Back Alley Sally, got my ears on.

I'm Porcupine Pete, 65 years old and never lost a fight.

I'm pullin a load of postholes and hell if this county mounty didn't shake me down.

I'm southbound on Great Ocean, just past Paleto Bay.

I'm taxed to death.†I had to pay sales tax on a damn sex swing.†I use it cause I hurt my back.

If he runs out can he just shit in the tank?

If you are gonna complain so much go do something about it.

In your dreams.

Is that why you ran out into the front yard with your crotch on fire?

Isn't that from the TV show? That where you get your CB handle?

It makes football even more tedious. Plus I love spreadsheets.

It's a Friday night staple in my household. Hell what a girl will do for a line on your Johnson.

It's getting to where doctors won't give you prescriptions for damn pain pills anymore.

It's like one of them electronic cigarettes, except you can buy cartridges of anything you want.

It's why I'm on all these damn pills!

Jamie says that she has a friend who loves to party and is a little fat so I should have no trouble.

John, can you stop by Stu's house on the way back? He said his boiler give out.

Just like my women! Ha! Line 'em up and let me at 'em.

Kitten Rider, this is Lucky Jay, where you been hiding?†

Lando-Corp.†I'm on a Midwest†turn.†

Last night I had to pull what they call a Coyote -

Last week I shot a dude in the leg!

Latrisha?

Lemonee Fresh out there around Mount Josiah. Anybody copy?

Lemonee Fresh. What's your twenty?

Look, he's lookin' for a job!

Looks like somebody had a little party in the back of that van and then took a dump.

Los Santos, baby, city of dreams and fairy dust.

Lots of girls go out to San Andreas to make it big, then head to Las Venturas to strip,

Make sure you keep an eye on your mash.

Man needs something to keep him excited.

Man, I love Massive Multiplayer games. And now that I can buy pretend swords and spells,

Maybe this ain't the most secure channel to be talking about this. Hey, shit, maybe you should call me on my mobile.

Mexico is a damned hornet's nest.†

Moon man here - sorry for the bleed over. Over.

Mudd man, it's Cathy Cougar - I'm pickin' up some motion lotion. Over.

My back gave out.

My back hurts. What am I supposed to do? Suffer?

My boyfriend won't stop playing that damn Pogo the Monkey game.

My car's ok, I was hoping you could hook them up to my nipples. It's kind of the stuff I like.

My hair looks like I combed it with a baseball bat and then burnt off the ends.

My mom wouldn't breast feed me!

My son says he don't want to talk to me no more.

My son walked in right as I was doin' two guys. I was so embarrassed.

Nah - I don't hear him much at all anymore.

Nah, 'cause I ground up my ex-wife and fed her to the cats.

Nah, I don't think I can.

Nah, true as hell, he just throws manure in there, I don't know how he done it.

Nah. Couple of drunks, that's all.

No - just as bad. Gastric bypass number two.†No picnic, I can tell you.

No electricity, using leeches as medicine. The women, they all hairy and fat.

No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong.

Nobody's got a bear report for me? Okay for get it, bunch of culeros.

Nothing worse than piecing together last night next to a fat hog of a woman you don't remember havin sex with in the first place!

Now stop being a sissy, come over here and kill this hog.

Oh come on now, don't tell me you are messing around with Lot Lizards.

Oh I'm comin up over there!

Oh, look, you need to stay away from my man or I will kill you, bitch.

Oh, you know I can't put her down. I love that little girl. She was my first.

Ohh, I don't even remember. I blacked out!

Ok, ok, Missy Missy - thanks for telling the whole world.

Okay, okay, whoa. Listen, before you get all pissed off, let me explain. I was moving the truck and the clutch slipped,

Ol' Unzy was just over here chewin' the dickens out of that damn Nicotine gum.

Only good part was when I was in the women's wing of the prison.

or at least put someone mean there with a six pack and a gun. That's how they did it in the old days.

Please don't leave me again. This trailer is sad as hell when I'm sober and without you.

Plus they try harder. Pretty girls had everything handed to 'em. That's why I hate 'em.

Poured lighter fluid on my jeans and lit 'em up when I was asleep.

Pretty much. Sometimes I just whip out my junk and point.

Rambler. Why you hate women so much, huh? Mommy issues?

Said the cocaine cowboys are on the lookout for a big shipment of Columbian Primo coming through in a big rig.

Same as always, pussy pics on his phone.

Scooter. What's yours?

Screw you Frankie.

Screw you, asshole.

Screw you, Muddy.

Screw you. What the hell you do for a living?

She is a big girl.

She said there is pot seeds and beer cans and poop in a plastic bag.

She's a pig! Pigs make bacon. People need to eat.

short sightedness and absolute stupidity is that they don't know when to shut their yaps.

Shut the fuck up, Lacie.

Shut up all you annoying bitches!

so I tossed her in the back of the truck and now we got a problem, know what I'm sayin'?

Sometimes a woman needs a wake up slap, know what I'm saying?

Son of a bitch kicked back mad as hell. Ol' Chris cut off his finger on a miter saw.

Stop bothering me!

Sure thing. Work is so boring I could cry.

Teddy to answer your question he left me and the kids last Christmas fucking morning.

than Cluckin' Bell.

That boy ain't right.

That cranky old bitch. She just wishes I was dead.

That how you pick up women?

That Shiny Wasabi Kitty is hot as hell. Man I wish anime characters were like that in real life.

That the one you took home?

That was a hell of a fright, I'm telling you.

That you ranting about the price of gas earlier?

That's me.

That's right you little shit!

That's what happens when you bang these divorced chicks.

The last technician I sent to his house said the whole place smelled like cat pee

The pills make it better, and I enjoy watching TV more.

The problem with women, besides their multiple personalities,

The son of a bitch hasn't come home for three days.

There's a couple of fine beavers working the back row at the lot on Senora Way.

They all go lezzie, and hell, you can watch.

They are horny as hell but you end up getting dragged to their kids' stupid stuff all the time. I just want that booty baby.

They deserved it cause they wouldn't get me the Exorbeo I wanted. That's in the past.

They knew how to torture back then - and you could slap a woman and not go to jail.

They're worse than Irish people. Except they got red eyes.

Thing about that truck is that the alternator keeps giving out and some goddamn oxygen censor.

Thirty dollars full service. Fifty the pair. I'm smiling like Christmas morning, fellers.

This here is the Tinkle Genie - bustin a squirt out the window.

This is Beast Cake, waving a hand. Who's got ears on?

This is Big Dick Daddy, I'm 'bout damn tired of all your rachet jaw!

This is Captain Mikey. Who's meeting me at the bar later?

This is Cat Food Frankie - sheriff's hiding by that junction, so look out if you're hauling anything fun.

This is Chili Dog, I'll be over in 10 minutes.

This is Chumash Charlie, come again.

This is Eddie Low, I just damn near clipped that Electric Indian.

This is Golden Rain. Boys you better get home you know what's good for you.

This is Lady Michele! Feelin' good about them Corkers!

This is Larry Loverboy, how do you read me neighbor?

This is Lucky Jay.†Anybody got their ears on out there?†

This is Miss Missy - 10-3 Dragonman - we've heard enough of your shit.

This is Pistol Whipper, you are coming in loud and clear.

This is Porcupine Pete, honk if you're horny!

This is the Rambler - Chumash Charlie you out there?

This is the Raton Canyon Kid.†Do you copy?

This is the Resin Man, copy.

This is your boy Mange - you have any of that green for me?

This Ol' Catfish here - I am 12 beers deep and risin'!

Those women are victims.

Threw a whiskey bottle at me and walked out the door.

to do all that fairy "pick your own" farm stand shit.

Two hotties sunbathing naked as the day they were born.

Very funny, so what if we have the same name? You think I'd be driving a truck all day if I was a serial killer?

We need some kind of revolution cause it ain't gonna get no better.†

We're gonna have to weld it back together.

We're such cards.

Well ain't you Mrs La Dee Da these days.†Don't you turn into a liberal now.

Well Cotton Pony I have a 20 dollar bill with your name on it.

Well doesn't he know that's how he was conceived? Talk to you later.

Well how you know that?

Well I don't think I would either. Listen, get some professional help

Well I think Jennifer's kid messed it up.

Well I took it over to Jennifer's house overnight - I had to pick up parts.

Well now I can't come to the bar because I have to go to some damn ballet recital.

Well you need to work on your material.

Well, he thought he would come by to surprise me, but I was havin' one of my parties.

What are you talking about? That unemployed asshole?

What did he do?

What did you do?

What happened last night?

What happened?

What I am is tired of your stupid mouth.

What the hell were you doin'?

What the hell's wrong with that?

What you want, Mudd Man?

What's that?

What's your handle baby?

What's your name?

Where the hell are my pills?!

Where the hell is my marital aid?

Who are you calling an idiot?

Who said that?

Who you calling a stupid redneck?

Who's that?

Who's that?

Whooo. Are you in a red 18-wheeler?

Why do country folk have to pay sales tax when it all goes to people in the city?

Why is that?

Why is that?

Why the hell are you looking for that?

Why the hell not?

Why, 'cause you're so dumb and poor you eat cat food?

Why?

Why? Cause I get lonely and want a woman to service me? It's called a service station for a reason.

Yahooooo.

Yeah but I make good acid!

Yeah one peed himself.

Yeah that will get you every time!

Yeah you could jack off anytime you want.

Yeah, and we blast country music and talk about how immigrants are ruining this country.

Yeah, being a security guard has it's pluses.

Yeah, I read you Duckman, but we're going to be rolling out of here pretty soon.

Yeah, I'm tired of striking out with pretty girls, so I'll take a mediocre desperate one, know what I'm saying?

Yeah, it adds to the realism and camaraderie. I really enjoy popping the guys with a towel.

Yeah, there is that.

Yeah, what did you do?

Yeah, Yeah!! I had a VHS tape of that show and watched it every day.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Ruined a nice pair of jeans. I got him back though.

Yes Missy Missy? Copy.

You a bunch of fruits.

You can't afford me.

You don't want some good old American beef in that enchilada?

You ever been to that truck stop outside Las Venturas, right before you hit the city limits?

You got peanut butter in your ears? Come back.†

You have no idea how hard it is to find a girlfriend

You just want corn meal, sugar, water and yeast.

You know I love you baby.

You know ol' Scotty got his truck running on wood chips and cow dung?

You know who it is bitch.

You mean where people wear those white hoods and swap sex partners?

You mix it with baking soda and water and then heat it with a lighter.

You must be a Sagittarius.

You one of those NAFTA drivers, huh? Well you be careful down there -

you oughta hit up the Renaissance fair out at the Vinewood racetrack.

You shitting green?

You wanna come by and watch a movie?

You would think before you take a car in to get fixed you would do something about the used condoms

You wouldn't believe how many guards spank 'em out on the job. Nasty!

You! What the hell are you ramblin about cat food?

You're a mess! How do you live with yourself?

You're shittin' me.