OTTAWA – After spending several months carefully examining and refining her position, Senator Lynn Beyak has released a statement encouraging Indigenous Canadians to put aside their grudges and come together with the rest of Canada in disregarding Indigenous issues.

“I don’t care who culturally genocided who or which colonialist government stole children from which 10,000 year old civilization,” said Beyak, a former member of the Senate’s Aboriginal People’s committee. “It’s time Indigenous groups stopped looking for someone to blame for 600 years of oppression and instead focused on ignoring those injustices on their own dime.”

Beyak, who was born a full 11 years before “Status Indians” had the full right to vote, has long been a proponent of teaching Indigenous Canadians to use selective memory to finally solve problems like boil water advisories, residential school-associated PTSD, and food instability.

“This see-no-evil, hear-no-evil, do-a-lot-of-evil strategy has worked very well for white Canadians for hundreds of years,” said Beyak. “Why wouldn’t it work for Indigenous Canadians? That is, unless you think they’re somehow ‘less capable’ of pretending these problems don’t exist. Yeah. Now who’s the racist?”

At press time, Beyak was still pulling down over $140,000 as a member of an appointed-for-life organization that refuses to integrate into Canadian society.