In a perfect world, no one would be held back by having a stupid name. But there's a reason actors change their names when they go to Hollywood (e.g., Tom Cruise's real last name is Mapother) -- we expect a cool guy to have an equally cool name. In real life, well, things don't always work out that way ...

7 South Africa's Donald Trump (and Possible Presidential Candidate) Is Named Tokyo Sexwale

Gallo Images/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

In addition to having a name seemingly invented for the sole purpose of frightening pirates, Tokyo Sexwale happens to be one of the most impressive human beings to have ever lived. He was born in South Africa at the very height of Apartheid and joined a militant wing of the anti-Apartheid movement in the 1970s. He was soon chased into exile, where he joined the Soviet military and trained in military engineering, which we assume means that he can straight-up kill a motherfucker with a sheet of graph paper.

When his training was complete, he returned to his homeland to kick some racist assholes inside out, but he soon found himself in prison next to Nelson Mandela. That's not an exaggeration -- they were literally jail neighbors.

WALTER DHLADHLA/AFP/Getty Images

Not Pictured: Their wacky third neighbor, Kopano Kramer.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

Upon his release at the end of Apartheid, Sexwale went into politics and is credited with bringing peace to several formerly violent areas of the beleaguered nation. Political goals achieved, he set his sights on the business world, soon making a fortune in diamonds and oil. He's like the South African version of Donald Trump, if Trump were much less of a ridiculous walking anus (Sexwale even starred in the South African version of The Apprentice). Over the years, his name has even been tossed around for the presidency. Once again, that name is Tokyo Sexwale.

To be fair, his name is actually pronounced "Seh-wah-le," but obviously that's not how you just read it. You read it like the name of the most terrifying sea monster in the history of creation. And while that may not be the correct way to pronounce Tokyo Sexwale's name, it is certainly the greatest way.

Kenelm Harris/iStock/Getty Images

It's also the way that will keep you from ever seeing a whale spout again without giggling.