



Meghan: I...I can't even with this game. As an experienced otome player (and I can only say that because I've played a variety of different ones), this one...holy motherfucking balls, I can't even with this game.



Olga: As a person who only plays otome when forced.... well let's be kind and say that this is not one that could've have changed my fairly negative opinion of these.

Meghan: The pain just doesn't stop. And you need to understand, I don't say this lightly either. I LIKE otome, I LOVE it, as it provides me an unending source of distractions for me during my hectic day of existing.





But I can't even with this game, mother-goddamn-fucking-hell. Also, the title sounds verrrryyyy suggestive.



Olga: Meghan not liking suggestive, is a big deal people!



Meghan: Once, I bought this game. I bought (I think), all the routes. I thought the premise was interesting. A mysterious rendezvous in a coffee shop, some sexy nights, and something more than the mundane life of the average office worker. Marketed the way it was, I thought it was pretty intriguing. I now realize I must've been on some pretty hardcore drugs to think that. The truth is, I think this kind of story can be made "sexy", "secretive", and interesting if taken in another direction.



Just not this direction.



Olga: I am too disturbed to write about this. Also somehow still bored. You'd think that with all the nastiness it'd be like a train wreck you can't look away from. But no. It's written so terribly I just don't wanna be involved. Good thing Meghan can write a shit ton so that there's still something for y'all to read :-p

THE STORY

Okay, story, I guess. Like we're even hesitant to call this a story, in the conventional sense.

You play the role of Kana Saeki, an office-worker who's not that great at doing corporate things (go figure). You're engaged to a guy named Kaoru and don't worry, we'll get to him later probably, but your relationship isn't the best as he's a workaholic with a dominating sex drive, and you're, well, a dumb stupid MC (cue name Stupid Woman).





On one night when you got yelled at by your boss Akira, you find a quaint little coffee-shop in which the owner listens to your grievances. And, has an adorable grandson that we were very surprised did not have a route. You keep returning there throughout parts of each route, as you, said love-interest and the coffee shop's owner provide a sense of dialogue and assistance during the relationship and work troubles.





There are three routes:





Kaoru (Your Fiance),





JUST SAY SEX





Akira (Your Boss),





EYEBROW GAME IS ON POINT









Subaru (THE SECURITY GUARD)





CREEPY AS FUCK.

Oh, bloody hell it's this route... I've read about this one.









Jesus Christ, could they not do better than this? The premise is boring, and so is the art, it seems.





So we'll be playing the very creepy and disturbing, cause we are masochists after all.

THE STORY (Subaru's Route) Seriously, what the actual fuck? Okay, well, as said before, you're Kana Saeki, and it seems life isn't treating you so well. Kaoru never wants to spend time with you, and you are getting more and more drawn in by the mysterious "Mr. Security Guard". For a time, he seems to be the perfect man, attentive, caring, and protective (the first two chapters are bland as saltine crackers for this reason), until...you find out he may not be as innocent as first appeared.



OUR THOUGHTS

Meghan: Okay, this is a "reaction" post, not an in-depth post. We're picking ONE ROUTE, and doing our basis off that.

Olga: Yeah right. You're gonna play all of them when you don't wanna do homework. That's what happened with the previous shit we did last month...



Meghan: Having said that, we picked the "rumored to be the kinkiest one", Subaru Tadokoro. Your security guard. This may ruin security guards for us, as far as that goes.



If everything goes wrong, at least we have an awesome kink-fest to look forward to.





All the kinkiness

Olga: So I watched the beginning of this route. I literally don't have anything to say about it. Mainly cause it was so boring I don't even remember anything. I think there was something about donuts... or maybe I'm just hungry.. or simply excited about winning a donut in Roll-up-the-Rim today ( click here if you don't know what I'm talking about. Y'all deserve a donut for being our faithful readers.)

Meghan: No there were donuts. Dudebro (Subaru, is what I'm calling him), he gives MC donuts and, I'll be honest that about the only redeeming thing about him. It's the donuts and the fact that he starts off giving MC lots of food. It's truly the one thing that is good about this guy.



He's the candyman

He's just so damn happy he's giving you his Coke!

Meghan: He is not the candyman...I relate to the disappointment.

Anyway, you two just seem to be hitting it off so well, that, at one point, you meet at the coffee shop (by accident of course, but duh, it's never an accident) and you almost don't recognize him outside of his uniform! Oh. My. God. Are you an idiot Kana? Seriously, it's not like he wears a mask that you can't recognize a face!

That's another thing that bothers me. This MC is actually stupid, and, like...no just stupid as hell. There is, at this point, this one part...and it's basically that Kana full-out, no-shame flirts with him, and he's like "um...aren't you engaged?" And, in response, she plays the flirt.

YOU'RE ENGAGED KANA.

Granted, to an asshole, but none the less, engaged. Like, I know that either Kaoru asshole or Kana will fuck up in some epic way, causing them to split ways, since, this is literally the only otome I've ever played where both (and all) parties are assholes and idiots wrapped up in a nice red bow, but still, it's like we threw all morality and sanity (evidently) out the window and went "fuck it! Let's just make this already as crazy and unbelievable as possible!"

The developers.

But of course, it's at this point we get to the juicy stuff... and Subaru is like...



Basically, at this point, all you need to know is that Kaoru a) is clearly cheating on MC with Rika (a co-worker of yours), b) gets in an accident, and then obviously, Kana chooses him (obviously because they're engaged, duh). Then c) Kaoru tries some sexy stuff to which the Security Guard walks in on and then...

D) BAM! MC GETS KIDNAPPED. (also, hehe "d") wut.

So, when did this turn into a CSI episode? Or, better yet, a Law and Order episode in the making.

Totally not exaggerating a thing either. Kana is drugged and knocked out at her apartment, and then, wakes up in a bed.

This. Is. Bizarre. I suddenly understand why this game is called Can't Say No. And I don't like it.

Apparently, this is the only way Security Guard can tell you he loves you. Right? It's not like, oh, I don't know...telling her is a good idea? I'm not Aphrodite or anything, but some roses and chocolate are also nice. Or donuts, since that's the food choice we've been going with.

And Casanova over here thinks you know, just casually doing sexy times is also the best way to go about this. This is getting way too uncomfortable for me.

Olga: The ending makes Fifty Shades look like Teletubbies in terms of ... well, everything!

The fear on his face makes it seem like a boggart is hiding inside Stupid Woman's vagina. You don't know Olga, could be. I wouldn't be surprised either, given the what-the-fuckery this game's offering. If someone just casually reached his hand "in my underwear" without my permission, he wouldn't be alive to tell the story.



