Dear Mr. and Ms. Texas,

This is the mid-term evaluation of your student, Rafael "Ted" Cruz. A final grade will be issued in November.

Attitude

Rafael continues to exhibit a great deal of enthusiasm for his ambition, but he has difficulty in the classroom because of daydreams about the presidency. He also struggles with truthfulness, particularly when he hasn't done his homework.

Cost

Inclusive of salary, office, personnel and miscellaneous expenses, Rafael's cost to the taxpayer so far has been nearly $25 million.

Legislative Accomplishments

Number of bills co-sponsored: 242



Number of bills co-sponsored that became law: 16



Number of bills introduced that became law: 2

One of Rafael's bills denied entry to the United States to one Iranian official. The other non-binding law said that NASA should continue to be a multi-mission agency.

Parts of four other bills by Cruz were merged into other legislation, including the naming of the courthouse in Sherman, Texas. For comparative purposes:

Record number of bills from a Republican senator that became law: 742



Median number of bills from a Republican senator that became law: 78



Absenteeism

Absentee ranking, 114 th Congress: No. 1



Number of roll call votes missed: 218



Number of roll call votes taken: 1,533



Average Senate absenteeism: 1 percent



Rafael's absenteeism: 14.2 percent



Rafael's absenteeism this year: 10.2 percent



Subject Areas

Rafael does very well with conservative ideology but not so well on the more substantive and rigorous subjects of civil liberties, the environment or economics:

Freedomworks (Political Philosophy): 100 or A+



Americans for Prosperity (Koch Brothers Reading Circle): 98 or A



U.S. Chamber of Commerce (Economics 101): 72 or C



National Rifle Association (NRA Drill Team): 100 or A+



ACLU (Constitutional Law and You): 5 or F



League of Conservation Voters (Man and The Environment): 3 or F



Human Rights Campaign (Respecting Others): 0 or F

Arts and Languages

Foreign Language: Canadian

Music: Pop Country, after 9-11

Projects

As a sophomore, Rafael has had several ambitious projects which he has promised to various members of the faculty:

Balancing the budget: FAIL

Repealing Obamacare: FAIL

Tax Cuts: PASS

Abolish the IRS: FAIL

Support the Second Amendment: PASS

Support the First Amendment: INCOMPLETE

Build Border Wall: FAIL

Get El Chapo to Pay for Wall: FAIL

Deport 11 million undocumented immigrants: FAIL

Extracurricular Activities

Rafael spends a good deal of time away from class because of a heavy schedule of extracurricular, non-school related activities, such as part-time jobs for mostly wealthy retirees. Rafael is also not contributing financially to his education:

Large individual contributions: $5 million



Small, individual contributions: $4.5 million



PACs: $ 647,000



Candidate self-financing: $0



Academic Honesty

We acknowledge that honesty is not high on the list of many of Rafael's classmates. The current class president, after all, has issued nearly 2,500 falsehoods in just over a year. However, Rafael struggles with truthfulness, particularly when evading the homework or a direct question:

Rafael has said he never said anything bad about Donald Trump; he did in 2016. He claimed he never supported government shutdowns; he did in 2013. Most recently, he has added yet another claim: that a border patrol agent was killed in an attack by undocumented immigrants near El Paso; he wasn't. (The agent died, reportedly, in a car accident.)

Working and Playing With Others

Unfortunately, Rafael has not improved dramatically in this area. Some comments from his peers include:

"Wacko-bird"



"I just don't like the guy."

"I like Ted Cruz probably more than my colleagues like Ted Cruz, and I hate Ted Cruz."

"He's a nasty guy. Nobody likes him. Nobody in Congress likes him. Nobody anywhere likes him once they get to know him."



We put the least emphasis on peer reviews but consider them a part of evaluating your student, Rafael, and his performance. (Particularly given his latest outburst on the radio ridiculing his opponent's name.)

And that last one peer review quote? It came from his former friend, enemy and friend again, who did become class president: Donald Trump.

Richard Parker is a writer in Austin and the author of Lone Star Nation: How Texas Will Transform America. He is a frequent contributor to The Dallas Morning News. Twitter: @richardparkertx

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