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Man Goes To Jail for Driving Drunk with a Bunch of Chickens

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because some drunk guy crammed it into his SUV with 99 others and said, “Let’s go racin’, boys.”

Glad we finally have our answer.

In what is one of the strangest arrest stories I’ve heard in a long time (and mind you, I am the one who covered that guy dancing naked in the sunroof of a presumably stolen Tesla), a Nebraska man, Luis Motola-Palacio, was sentenced to 180 days in the slammer on Tuesday, following his January 31st arrest, when an officer found him drunk driving with more than 100 chickens.

No word yet on if he was wearing this shirt:

Motola-Palacio was officially charged with second-offense driving under the influence and cruelty to livestock. In addition to his 180-day sentence, Motola-Palacio must also pay a $1,000 fine and cannot drive for 15 years.

Tragically, more than 40 of the chickens had died because there was just no room for them in the 2004 Nissan SUV. According to the report, the surviving chickens had crushed the chickens below them while (sort of) contained in a (sort of) makeshift cage. The 58 surviving chickens were sent to the Central Nebraska Humane Society, and from there to two separate farms.

Many of the surviving chickens went on to show signs of abuse, but that’s no surprise, as abuse seems to be a common theme with Motola-Palacio, who was sentenced back in May to three to five years in prison (on top of this new sentence) for shooting Michel Garcia-Rivera in the leg because an argument arose during a hog slaughter in a garage, as they tend to do.

All I can say is that it is my greatest hope that, wherever Motola-Palacio is jailed, he is crammed in a cell beneath a bunch of angry chickens, and maybe a couple of gassy hogs for good measure.