Sound the Wonder Kid klaxon! In fact, it’s a double klaxon day! Sound the Player Who Sounds Like He’s Actually A Soft Toy Designed to Teach Children About Religion klaxon too!

Yes, the big boys are circling around Ipswich’s 18-year-old tyro and cuddly ecumenical learning aid Teddy Bishop and it is Liverpool who are apparently in “pole position”, presumably having come through some sort of qualifying session faster than anyone else. The midfielder won’t be going anywhere this January, but could well be heading out of Portman Road in the summer.

Dnipro’s Yevhen Konoplyanka was very much Mr Transfer Window 2014 but it’s halfway through January and he’s still kicking his heels at Dnipro. His contract in Ukraine runs out in the summer, though, so Tottenham fancy bagging the tricky winger for a cut-price £7m this month. And Dnipro don’t really like the idea of him leaving for nowt in a few months so could at last be amenable. The problem for Spurs? Manchester United and Internazionale are also in the hunt.

Heading out of White Hart Lane, meanwhile, are Paulinho and Étienne Capoue. Juventus want the former, while struggling Parma are keen on the latter.

Wigan Athletic’s Callum McManaman is just the fellow to pull West Brom out of the relegation mire, reckons Tony Pulis. He’ll have to stump up more than the £4m Albion have offered so far. The Latics want £6m and not a penny less.

Garry Monk is going to act fast after watching his Swansea side ship five against Chelsea at the weekend – Norwich’s Martin Olsson is the answer to their defensive woes. And a Swans bid of £4m might be enough to tempt the Canaries to talk turkey.

Swedish defenders are this week, like footsie socks, T-bar necklace pendants, traffic cones and mutton chops, very much In. West Ham reckon Marcus Nilsson is very me, very now, and the international is available on a free after his release from Kalmar.

Hang on. Mutton chops?

Alan Pardew is struggling to contain his striker habit at Selhurst Park. Not content with bringing in Yaya Sanogo from Arsenal, he now wants Blackburn’s Rudy Gestede and his old Newcastle charge Papiss Cissé. Blackburn want £6m for their man; the chances of Cissé leaving St James’ for a rival are pretty slim you would think.

Arsène Wenger’s Big Defender Search – coming soon to a multiplex near you – shows no sign of slowing. Villarreal’s Gabriel Paulista and Valencia’s Nicolás Otamendi are the latest names on the Arsenal manager’s list.

And Paul Lambert isn’t content with simply boring Villa fans to tears. He wants to really upset them by sending one of the few bright spots of a miserable season, Jack Grealish, out on loan to the Championship. Wolves, Brentford and Nottingham Forest will all be happy to riff on the Villa fans’ pain.