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Writing about the total racket Nook has been running since Animal Crossing's

Cute as a button.

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You think you're paying off a mortgage, but what you're really trying to do is be free. Of menace.It's the menace, kid. That's how he gets you. The worst part is that you don't want to admit you're afraid.But you know all this already.Animal Crossing games are actually pretty scary on a number of levels. Apart from your debt, there's other stuff going on here. You may find yourself not wanting to look closer. And who could blame you? Once you start peeking behind curtains, the world collapses on itself American Beauty style.But we can't all of us live in fear forever right? Check out each of the aspects we've highlighted below that begin to encapsulate the horrific world you inhabit as THE ONLY HUMAN in a town full of animals. And face up to them.

Nintendo's official town nails the absurdity...

1) Imbalance

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Picture this.Early morning. It's raining. You go outside your house and there's a mitten lying in a puddle all sopping wet and grey and smelling not entirely unlike a wet dog.You have options; A – leave it the hell alone, B – pick it up and try and find the owner. In real life, you'd pick A. It's just a mitten, man. They cost, like, $5.95. But this isn't real life.This is Animal Crossing and someone is looking for that mitten. Its mere existence is testament to the unfolding of a sinister quest. You're part of it now. You pick it up, pocket it, and go about your day. Eventually, you find the owner. They're happy. It's their mitten. They're happy. They say thank you. They're really happy and THEY GIVE YOU A TABLE.A table.As thanks.For finding a mitten.

...and here's the terror.

2) Drugs

This place would be AMAZING under dark light.

3) Trees that grow in two days

"I feel like you need to get the hell away from me." / Later that night, Lopez appears in your room.

4) Storage portals

He WILL stab you...

5) Boots and tin cans that move like fish

...so will he. Sleep with one eye open.

6) Shrunk

Lock yourself in your panic room to avoid this guy.

7) Puppet mayor

You think that monocle means you're in charge? Think again.

“Hey. Hey, can you deliver this for me PAH?”One second later: “Did you deliver it yet, PAH?”Later still: “I'M TWEAKING! I'M TWEAKING! PAH!”Why are all these animals bobbing and succumbing to strange verbal tics?Oh, I don't know, but I bet it has something to do with the fact they keep asking you to deliver packages to other villagers who are standing right next to them, before vanishing in the other direction.It also has a lot to do with why they're so into patterned wallpapers, rugs and lamps.If you travel out to the island that's south of your town, at the right time of day, that freakish lump of dirt is crawling with bugs the size of your head. Forget about the sharks; watch out for the Horned Elephant, kid!However, while scary, they're only indicative of the superpowers you'll find woven into the very landscape. Worse, is that back in your town, a tree will grow and fruit in a couple of days.This is not a real thing. The world's best gardeners could not do this. So, what is in the soil?Whatever it is, it also makes the fruit grow out of season. Think about that.It actually sort of sucks that you can't grow avocados because those things cost a bomb right now.(Side note: why the hell are some of those bugs worth $12,500? Does this go back to the drugs thing? Are they being ground up? Can you prove they're not? Maybe this is why townsfolk can afford to give out tables to people who find their mittens.)A fridge is a fridge, right? A fancy table is a fancy table.Um, no.Along with that weird, super fertile soil and – yeah, animals that talk (it seemed sort of so obvious we could probably let it slide) and make you deliver strange packages – you get magic storage units that you can fill with a seemingly ridiculous array of items and access from anywhere.Any. Where. The same set of items in as many storage units as you care to have. You go to a storage unit in another town? There's your stuff. That unlocked cupboard at the train station? Hey! Your stuff!What is going on here? Hold me.So there's piranha merrily swimming alongside carp and apparently the rivers don't run red every day. That's weird, but not scary weird. What's scary weird is the rubbish that, once it enters the rivers and seas, turns fish-shaped (until you pull it up) and – worse – moves like fish.How often have you cast your line on a sunny afternoon as you seek peace and clarity at one of your town's pristine waterways, only to haul in trash? Lots. How many times did you think that trash was a fish? Every time.It's shaped like a fish. It moves like a fish. It's a fish?Wrong.If you were going to choose the animals that could live with you in a town (assuming a gentleman's agreement is in place whereby they won't eat you) which would you choose?Giant rooster? Sure. Bald eagle? Regal. Bear? Her name's Flurry, and she looks like a teddy, so, not exactly a wild grizzly situation. A duck? He brings an umbrella out in the rain, but hey, suspicious is relative when you live in this town ($12,500 for a bug, dude).Would you also choose an axolotl? Here are some interesting facts about the axolotl that might help you decide:THEIR LIMBS REGENERATE BY THEMSELVES AND THERE ARE NO OTHER PERTINENT FACTS!Meet Shrunk. Axolotl, first. Night club owner, second. Don't worry; you'll have time to catch up with him later.In your worst nightmares.Who is really in charge here, anyway?Nook? No. A big deal has been made of Nook and his financial controls, but who do you really listen to, “Mayor”? Is there someone in your office who tells you everything you need to know about the daily business of running City Hall?Is her name Isabelle?Yeah. These are hard truths, but stay with us, because this extends beyond your plush office, too.Shrunk (aforementioned) wanted to open a nightclub in your town, but like all good officials you had set up a robust public process. There would need to be signatures – a petition. Residents had to come to the party on it, but rather than just set regulations and see that interlopers abide by them, you somehow found yourself collecting the signatures on his behalf.Aside from the fact this is humiliating, you've effectively become an errand boy. And this is just one example of many.Animal Crossing - you don't play it, it plays you.What are some of your scariest Animal Crossing experiences?

Sam Prescott is a freelance gaming journalist based in New Zealand. Why not follow him on IGN ? Oh, and come hang with IGN Australia on Facebook and Twitter while you're at it.