CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Local man, Ben Gladstone is a coward.

That’s according to thirteen blokes in his secret, boys-only WhatsApp group conversation.

“Ben’s done mate. He’s cooked it,” says former-mate Ryan Wrigley.

“What the fuck was he thinking. It goes without saying that the group chat is secret mens business. It’s fucking sacred… He let his girlfriend read through the entire thing,”

“It’s all very incriminating stuff,”

Mr Gladstone has acknowledged his “royal fuck-up” and refused to comment. However, his girlfriend Ellie says she doesn’t understand what the big deal is.

“Oh my God. Why are they making such a big deal of this?”

“It’s so childish for them to have a secret group chat. Ben wouldn’t let me look at for months, but he changed his tune when I started leveraging him with sex,”

“I just wanted to know what it is that warrants over one thousand messages a day. Like what are they talking about?”

Another one of Ben’s former-mates, Charlie Duff says he is “fucking worried” that Ellie may have read a certain parcel of information that could very well jeopardise his current relationship with her best friend, Amy.

“There was about 300 messages dedicated to how all thirteen of us wanted to root the new glassy that works at the Commercial Hotel,”

“Things got pretty visual as well… Like, we were talking about HOW we would root her,”

“If Ellie saw that, and I don’t doubt she did, I am fucked. My missus has always been suspicious of our group chat,”

“What did he think would result from this? Ben’s one of the biggest sickos in there… I have no idea how he didn’t see that this security breach was going to be an issue for everyone involved.”

Ben, while very apologetic, says the group chat has gone rather quiet lately. He is aware that this probably means that another group chat has been created. Without him.