The owners of the Kyratzes Corporation are very pleased to announce that their upcoming game Ithaka of the Clouds, successfully crowdfunded earlier this year, will expand its unique gameplay with groundbreaking, innovative DLC that will change gaming forever. This innovative, groundbreaking DLC, perfectly designed for the needs of our core customer base as well as casual players, will add several new features that we just know will totally amaze you.

The colour blue. Previously unavailable to all except those who bought the game via the special Red Edition available in select watermelons around the world, the colour blue will significantly expand the game’s palette, giving you a completely new, groundbreakingly innovative experience.

Words™. A unique, innovative concept based on the generation of meaning from parsing groups of symbols associated with sounds, this groundbreaking gameplay experience will add a whole new level of excitement – especially to the endgame!

+5 mushrooms! Nuff said!

30 new achievements, to make up for the lack of achievement you feel as you toil under the horrid conditions of late capitalism make your life even more funner!

And that’s just the beginning!

Now compatible with 3D devices! You can play the game on any three-dimensional device that is also a PC, while using controllers that exist in three-dimensional space, like the mouse or the keyboard. (Doesn’t support touchpads and overly flat tablets.)

Due to popular demand, Ithaka of the Clouds will now include microtransactions. Using our fictional currency of “drachmas”, you will be able to purchase a variety of special items, including the Plot Overdrive, which will take you directly to the end of the game without the need to experience the story or interact with anything except the IthakaStore®.

Finally, with the cooperation of the Greek government, we have implemented a special algorithm that will adapt the meaning of Cavafy’s poetry, which is a major source of inspiration for this entry in the Lands of Dream franchise, to suit the needs of our beloved ruling class and their unique allies in the innovatively groundbreaking criminal/fascist crossover scene.

All these features and many more will be included in the DLC, entitled Violence Is A Dangerous Thing Except When It Upholds Our Authority: Dawn of the Sun of the Patriots Who Really Aren’t Thugs At All: Fall of Wargrind: Operation Grim Corridor (Quirky Indie Edition), which will come included with all versions of the game and can quickly be unlocked with an online blood sacrifice or 300 “drachmas”.

COMING AT SOME POINT IN 2014