AN appalling man is gearing himself up for an argument over having to pay five pence for a plastic bag.

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, has spent the weekend studying the regulations in a bid to convince a check-out assistant that his bag is exempt.

He said: “According to the law, a bag containing raw meat must be free. I intend to argue that the bag which contains the bag which contains the raw meat also contains the raw meat.

“And therefore it must also be free.”

Veteran check-out assistant Margaret Gerving said: “There’s going to be a monumental quantity of high-grade twattishness. I’ve decided to adopt a policy of quiet pity rather than anger.”

Bishop added: “I’m confident the whole thing should take no more than an hour and 45 minutes.”