3) Anti-drug Canadian rap

2) Rachel Leigh Cook Breaks Shit

1) Shallow End

Probably the most famous of all anti-drug PSAs, this ad has a tone of gruff condescension that always felt a little unearned. After making what is at best a muddled metaphor, the voiceover guy says "any questions" in a way that implies that if you do have questions, he's going to punch you in the mouth. Well, actually, since you're asking, we do have a question: What the fuck do you have against fried eggs, man? I mean, they're certainly better than the salmonella-laced raw eggs that our brain presumably was before we fried it in the delicious sizzling butter (read: drugs).Thinking about this ad while stoned actually clued us in to the vast PSA conspiracy against America's Chicken Farmers. Think about it, there are PSAs for all sorts of cattle byproducts: milk, cheese, beef. Those "Pork: The Other White Meat" spots play like campaign ads in some sort of meat-election that pork is running in against chicken. In fact, the only time chickens or chicken byproducts are overtly mentioned in a PSA, its either as an insult from a hulking drug dealer, or as a metaphor for junky brains like in this one.As Snow proved with his breakout 1993 hit "Informer," even if they're talking about drugs, Canadians should never rap. Apparently, whoever is spitting hot fire about brain blisters and trouble with the law in this commercial didn't get the memo. This ad-an odd mixture of those Barney music videos and an acid freak out-is based on the premise that kids might get confused between the sorts of drugs that are prescribed by doctors and the kind that you get on the street. Which brings us to an important question: are there Canadian drug dealers out there posing as doctors to get little kids to try drugs? Because if so, we've heard of some hardcore shit in Jay-Z songs, but apparently our drug dealers don't have shit on their Canadian brethren.To tell you the truth, we never saw this ad growing up, but if we had it would have made us want to move to Canada. With the American anti-drug ads all you get is death, pregnancy and gay turtles. In Canada, you get some cool dude talking jive about how there might be trouble with the law, but right after he says it the kids are partying up with mustachioed cops and smiling parents. The chorus says it all: "drugs, drugs, drugs!" We're pretty sure they took that from a Doors song.There's a school of thought within the genre of anti-drug PSAs that if they just act really, really angry at you, you'll somehow be less likely to use drugs. This ad represents the pinnacle of that approach (and also, with apologies tofans, the pinnacle of Rachel Leigh Cook's career). Beginning with the iconic this-is-your-brain-on-drugs egg, Ms. Cook informs you that this is what happens when you snort heroin and smashes the egg with a frying pan. She then rails against the furniture in this once-pristine kitchen, which by the end is very much in need of "getting clean."Not that we're big on the H scene, but isn't snorting like the fifth most popular way of taking heroin? Isn't an anti-heroin snorting ad a little like the DUI commercials focusing on Zima related DUIs? Afteralready taught us that snorting heroin would put you in a coma and that shooting up made you win dance contests, shouldn't this commercial have come out a little stronger against heroin across the board, and not just the least popular of the many ways of taking it?At least they appear to have learned a lesson from beer commercials-the surest way of getting guys to think a product isn't cool is by getting a tightly clothed actress with a great rack to jump around in your commercial. Oh, wait"Another one of the strategies for keeping kids clean is to threaten them with nightmare scenarios that have nothing to do with drugs, and then imply that there is some sort of causal connection between the scenario and drug use. This method is especially popular in the latest wave of anti-marijuana ads in which teenage girls somehow become pregnant from smoking a joint. However the strategy got its start with this classic, in which some girl whose high enough to be wearing a one piece bathing suit at the public pool, dives head-first off a high-dive followed by the bone chilling reveal that-gasp-the pool is empty. This was actually their second option for scaring kids away from drugs, but the first idea of going door to door, engaging kids in conversations about drugs and then having someone run up from behind and scream BOO, proved too expensive.Actually this ad had a profound affect on us. We remember being extra careful to double- and triple-check that there was water in the pool before jumping off the diving board. Especially when we were stoned.