Madonna is disgruntled. Blond Ambition, the biopic of her early days, is arguably one of the most anticipated movies of recent years. Its script was so acclaimed that it topped last year’s Black List. It’s being made by Michael De Luca, who produced The Social Network. It has the potential to do the business both critically and commercially. But Madonna hates it.

Madonna responds to Blond Ambition biopic news: 'Only I can tell my story' Read more

“Only I can tell my story. Anyone else who tries is a charlatan and a fool. Looking for instant gratification without doing the work. This is a disease in our society,” Madonna said on Instagram this week in response to the film, even though – as a recent BBC fact-checking article revealed – it all seems quite accurate.

But still, at least Madonna is in decent company. Plenty of personalities have been disappointed by the films made about their lives. Like it or not, here are Madonna’s new peers.

David Letterman, The Late Shift

If you’re interested in flat-out egomania, Bill Carter’s The Late Shift is an unmissable book. It details what happened to American television when Johnny Carson retired from The Tonight Show in 1992, and the bitter rivalry between Jay Leno and David Letterman that formed in the vacuum he left. Arguably, Letterman is the only sympathetic character in the entire book – he comes off as an original thinker stymied by corporate cowardice – but that didn’t stop him from throwing a series of public tantrums when the film of the book came out. “The guy who’s playing me – and I’m sure he’s a fine actor – but his interpretation seems to be that I’m, well, a circus chimp. He looks like he’s insane, like he’s a budding psychopath,” Letterman told Entertainment Weekly upon the film’s release.

Hunter ‘Patch’ Adams, Patch Adams

Of course Hunter Adams hates Patch Adams. Everyone hates Patch Adams. Patch Adams is so bad that, if it happens to be on television, it makes you briefly hate the concept of television. It’s cloying and sanctimonious, manipulative in all the worst ways, and it plays to almost all of Robin Williams’ worst impulses. So imagine how much more you’d hate it if you actually were Patch Adams. In fact, don’t worry, because Hunter Adams has been quite vocal about it. He told New Renaissance magazine: “After the movie, there wasn’t a single positive article about our work or me. It made my children cry. I knew the movie would do this. Imagine how shallow that is relative to who I am.” He then added: “I keep a list of 50 books in my wallet as my card, so that when someone comes up and asks me for an autograph I give them a little lecture on pop culture and how it’s dummified our population,” which at least explains the film’s sanctimony.

Ike Turner, What’s Love Got To Do With It

Had it not been for What’s Love Got To Do With It, Ike Turner might have been best known as the inventor of rock’n’roll. Now, though, he’ll forever be an all-time baddie. The film portrayed Ike as violent and possessive, and his reputation never recovered. Needless to say, he was not necessarily a fan. It put him in a bad light, he told the Los Angeles Times, because he was never actually violent towards his wife. Well, he was, but only a bit. “The only time I ever punched Tina with my fist was the last fight we had,” he said. “Prior to that, our fights, or our little slaps, or whatever they were, were all just about attitude … She would take that attitude with her on to the stage and that would really depress me. So after the show, I’d end up slapping her or something.” See? He was a nice guy, really.

Julian Assange, The Fifth Estate

It’s impossible for anyone at the Guardian to judge The Fifth Estate objectively, because we’re all in it. Fortunately the film’s primary subject Julian Assange was smart enough to maintain his critical eye. In a letter to lead actor Benedict Cumberbatch before the film was made, Assange called it “a work of political opportunism, influence, revenge and, above all, cowardice. It seeks to cut our strength with weakness. To cut affection with exploitation. To cut diligence with paranoia … And above all, to cut the truth with lies.” He also told Cumberbatch that by starring in the film “our paths will be forever entwined”, which turned out to be nonsense because only about six people actually saw it, and four of those hated it.

Whitey Bulger, Black Mass

Whitey Bulger hasn’t seen Black Mass, because he’s too busy serving two terms of life imprisonment for his role in 11 murders. However, he has thoughts. According to his defence attorney, Hank Brennan, “Johnny Depp might as well have been playing the Mad Hatter all over again as far as James Bulger is concerned. Hollywood greed is behind the rush to portray my client, and the movie missed the real scourge created in my client’s case … the federal government’s complicity in each and every one of those murders with the top echelon informant program.” Sadly, this quote did not make the Black Mass posters.