In addition to running this blog, the mental health awareness directors also run Post Secret every term. This is a service where people can submit short anonymous secrets, confessions, or just about anything they want to get off their chest. We write them out and stick them up on a wall for everyone to see. You can submit a secret here: https://goo.gl/forms/srYN3UBmh0ZatD9I3

If you have a longer story to tell or are interested in being featured on the blog, email us at engsocmha@gmail.com

We recently had the opportunity to sit down with a 3rd year mechatronics engineering student about his experience with school, work, involvements, and how he manages it all.

Q: Can you tell us a little about yourself ?

There isn’t really much to say that’s super relevant to my story. I’m in third year Tron and am fairly involved around campus. I guess the most important thing you need to know is that from very early on I realized that I wasn’t the smartest in my class, nor was I anywhere near average. Very often I found myself feeling not very bright around my classmates. My resume and experiences were mediocre at best, but I didn’t let that keep me down

Q: What did you do when you figured all this out ?

I started doing everything I could, I applied to a bunch of different positions both on and off campus, I got involved with design teams and I took on a bunch of side projects. Looking back, I don’t think it was a super health mentality to have. Although getting involved is great, I was doing it as a form of self harm. It was kinda like telling myself “You are garbage and the only way you can ever amount to anything is by doing everything”. As much as I enjoyed the chaos my life became I soon realized that I couldn’t manage it all. I started making better plans and getting more organized but still it was overwhelming, it wasn’t too long into this journey where I started to sacrifice sleep in order to manage.

The weird thing is that my marks started to go up, my coop evaluations got better, I started to become more confident and decisive, and I was more approachable as a person. It didn’t make sense at first, I was overwhelmed and exhausted why where things getting better? I started to honestly believe that to be myself I had to be overworked. That I was to become Sisyphus, bound to push a tremendous boulder up a hill only to doing it again once I was done.

No rest. No joy. Only work.

Now I know you think I am going to say that I found out that that lifestyle was unsustainable and that I came to my sense and found peace in the middle. But that is not where my story goes. I never stopped overworking myself, even after an employer whom I’d grown very close to warned me about breaking down or burning out. Everyone around me tried to get me to stop, slow down, or take a break. People started to offer assistance, to help me carry this burden, but they couldn’t understand how happy I was, and how at peace I was now that I knew who I truly was. They kept trying to slow me down, but they couldn’t see that if I slowed down I would die. The scary part is now things are forcing me to slow down, and I don’t know what to do.

Q: What to do you mean things are forcing you to slow down ?

People know me now, services and clubs around campus know that I will try to take on more than they think I can, so they stopped giving me as much work as I want, or worse they started to keep work hidden from me. People have figured that I am not going to listen when they ask me to slow down so they are more hesitant to ask me for help, because they know I am not going to say no. My currently manager is always hesitant to let me work on new projects, it almost seems like he’s keeping a mental tally of how much I have on my plate and make sure that I never take on more than what he thinks is healthy. In short people seem to think that they know what is best for me, even though I am almost certain I know what is best.

Q: You cannot possibly think that you know what’s best at all times?

No I don’t, I can fully accept that more often than not I am wrong and I am quick to admit it. I see some truth in what my everyone is doing to slow me down, I know their intents are good, but they need to trust that I will let them know when I need help or when I am at my limit.

Q: Do you have any advice for people who might be in a similar position as yourself?

Don’t let people tell you what your limit is, find out for yourself and surprise people with what you can do. It can also be worthwhile to listen to those around you, for they care for you more than you know. Also if someone is bragging about being top of your class, don’t let that bother you, or make you feel any less important. Because push comes to shove, you are all going to graduate as engineers and ranking won’t even begin to matter once university is done. Work hard and with good intent and don’t worry about anything else.

Like we mentioned at the top of the article, if you’re interested in sharing your story, reach out to us at engsocmha@gmail.com or talk to one of the MHA directors.