So, like Donald Trump on that White House balcony, let us gaze back into the incandescent dumpster fire that was 2017. Here are 12 of the year’s Reliable Source highlights, one for each month:

January: Marla better have my money.

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Trump hasn’t yet been sworn in, but the drama has already begun. A Washington-based freelance hair stylist accuses Marla Maples, Mrs. Trump No. 2, of trying to get out of paying to have her tresses and those of her daughter, Tiffany Trump, styled for the inauguration ceremony. Stylist Tricia Kelly had agreed to a discounted fee for her services, but Maples’s assistant proposes that Kelly do the job for less . . . as in zero. In exchange, the assistant suggests, Maples will promote Kelly on her social-media feeds. Kelly says no thanks to the Hollywood-type deal, which definitely isn’t the way things are done in Washington.

February: Say “yes” to security.

Omarosa Manigault’s reign of error begins in earnest. While shopping for a wedding dress, the White House aide, who got engaged while on the campaign trail, is accosted by two “fat ladies” (her words) at the Nordstrom in Tysons Corner Center. Things go downhill from there. Manigault is called “Trump’s whore” and security gets involved.

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March: Not even the Apple Store is safe.

Just over a month after Omarosa’s confrontation, White House press secretary Sean Spicer gets the opposite of the VIP treatment. Shree Chauhan, a former elementary school teacher, spots Spicer at an area Apple Store and peppers him with questions, all while recording on her phone. Sample Q: “Have you committed treason, too, just like the president?” Spicer tries to keep calm and carry on but manages to slide in one dig: “Such a great country that allows you to be here.” The White House flack later clarifies, “It’s a free country and the beauty of it is that [people] can act how they want.”

April: The correspondents’ dinner that wasn’t.

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The annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner is markedly different in the Trump era. Typically a glitzy, celebrity-packed affair surrounded by a jostle of pre- and post-parties, the volume is turned way down this year. Almost no Hollywood types are in attendance, and some of the highest-profile parties are canceled, including the exclusive Vanity Fair-New Yorker soiree as well as the People/Time magazine kickoff. President Trump turns down the invitation to appear at the dinner, where presidents traditionally perform a jokey monologue, and members of his administration stay away in solidarity. Meanwhile, comedian Samantha Bee hosts the “Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner” as counterprogramming, where funny folks like Will Ferrell roast POTUS in absentia.

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May: Obama declares war on buttons.

Former president Barack Obama’s post-White House life (parasailing with Richard Branson and yacht-chilling with rock stars) has been nothing but #vacationgoals. And with a sartorial statement during a speech in Italy on climate change — the ex-prez sports a tieless button down shirt, open waaay lower than acceptable in his Oval Office days — he announces to anyone who hadn’t gotten the message that he’s firmly business casual these days. The Internet is here for the look. Sample tweet: “At his next speaking event Obama’s gonna roll in with his shirt completely unbuttoned, piña colada in hand.”

June: Covfefe Cocktails for everybody.

James B. Comey, the FBI director Trump fired while Comey was looking into whether the Trump campaign coordinated with the Kremlin to influence the 2016 election, testifies before the Senate Intelligence Committee. Washington is riveted — and seriously in need of adult beverages. Several D.C. bars open early and run themed-drink specials and discounts on Russian vodka. Someday, saying you drank a “Covfefe Cocktail,” or even remembering the reference, will mark you as old.

July: The Mooch comes to Washington.

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Flashy financier Anthony Scaramucci is named White House communications director, a gig that he manages to hold for just 10 amazing days before getting sacked. Though brief, the reign of “The Mooch” is colorful, and ends after he gives a lengthy and profanity-laced interview to the New Yorker. Our favorite plot point? On the very day he’s fired, we report that Scaramucci is (erroneously, of course) listed as dead in the new edition of the Harvard Law alumni directory. “We offer our sincere apologies to Mr. Scaramucci,” a rep says.

August: Flip or Flop, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

President Trump ticks off plenty of people when Golf.com reports that the hotelier-turned-POTUS called the White House “a real dump.” Among those annoyed at the dis, which the prez denies he uttered (more fake news!), is none other than former first daughter Chelsea Clinton, who called the joint her home for eight years. Clinton, whose Twitter presence has gotten ever-saucier, claps back in a passive-aggressive tweet thanking the staff of 1600 Penn Ave “for all you do every day.”

September: McCarthyism people can get behind.

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Melissa McCarthy’s version of Sean Spicer goes down in history when she wins an Emmy for best guest actress on a comedy series. McCarthy’s brash and belittling Spicer appeared on “Saturday Night Live” a total of four times during the sketch-comedy show’s explosive 42nd season. Spicer, whose own cameo during the Emmys broadcast was met with criticism, called the comedian’s over-the-top portrayal of him “cute.”

October: The Real Housewives of the White House.

Ivana Trump recognizes a good marketing campaign when she sees one. While promoting her memoir-slash-parenting guide, “Raising Trump,” the first Mrs. Trump manages to step on the third’s stilettos during an interview with “Good Morning America.” Humble-bragging about her closeness to the president, Ivana explains why she doesn’t regularly ring up the White House. She doesn’t want to start drama with Melania (too late). “I’m basically first Trump wife. Okay?” Ivana Trump says. “I’m first lady.” Melania is, of course, not here for the history lesson. In a rare move, the East Wing claps back, stating in part, “[Melania Trump] plans to use her title and role to help children, not sell books.” Bloop.

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November: ‘House of Cards’ comes tumbling down.

The wave of sexual-harassment scandals toppling powerful men hits close to home when the Maryland set where “House of Cards” is filmed remains shut down after star Kevin Spacey faces multiple accusations. Netflix cuts ties with Spacey, who played Machiavellian President Frank Underwood in the dark political drama, leaving the show’s future, as well as the job situation for hundreds of crew members, uncertain. The studio later confirms that “House of Cards” will return for a sixth and final season, only now starring Robin Wright, the show’s fictional first lady/Lady Macbeth.

December: Bye, Felicia.

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