1950s, 1960s (etc) era: Refers to relationships based on the mores and practices of the time period; generally a monogamous, heterosexual, male-led relationship. Similarities with Christian domestic discipline (CDD), taken in hand (TIH) practices. DeFUNition: Think “Leave It To Beaver” with a dungeon in the basement….

24/7 (see TPE): A D/s relationship which is in effect at all times. A Total Power Exchange, or TPE, relationship would be the most extreme form of 24/7; some consider the terms equivalent.

abduction: See kidnapping

abrasion play: Using something rough (such as sandpaper or scrub brush) to provide stimulation. May leave temporary marks; some may go so far as to draw blood, in which case infection prevention is important.

adult baby (see diaper lover): One who dresses and/or role plays the part of a baby or toddler.

aftercare (see Dom drop, sub drop, subspace): The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, and slowly come back in touch with reality. Depending on the intensity of the scene and the nature of the participants, aftercare may be very important to one or both participants in order to prevent later emotional aftereffects. Aftercare may consist of some or all of the following components: Being away from noise, activity, bright light; physical closeness and touching with the partner; hydration with water or sport drink; keeping warm. Aside from its necessity, aftercare can be one of the most rewarding and loving experiences the participants can share.

age play: Scene (or entire relationship) in which one person (usually the submissive) dresses and acts as if younger in age, ranging from infant to adult child. May or may not include sexual relations. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest or pedophilism,* but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.

algolagnia: Deriving sexual pleasure from the application of pain to anerogenous zone

anal hook: Often used in suspension bondage, it is placed in the anal opening and used as part of the suspension.

anal torture (also see figging): Inflicting pain on the anus. Keep in mind that this flesh is tender and easily damaged (ouch)!

anal training: Inserting progressively larger objects (usually butt plugs) in order to stretch the anal sphincter, in preparation for such activities as anal sex andfisting. Safety note: Should proceed slowly and cautiously in order to reduce the risk of hemorrhoids or worse problems; the recipient should always be in control of the insertion.

androgyny: Showing characteristics of both sexes.

anilingus: an activity involving oral sex with another person’s anus.

animal play: (see pet play, ponygirl , ponyboy, pup-play) The sub behaves and/or dresses like an animal. The principal theme of animal role play is usually the voluntary or involuntary reduction (or transformation) of a human being to animal (see objectification). Animal role play may or may not involve sexual activity. Not to be mistaken with bestiality/zoophilia, which involves the actual animal.

animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mind space of a different species.

anime: A style of animated cartoon developed in Japan in the 1960s. Seemanga.

anti-humiliation (also reverse humiliation): Saying and doing nice things in a way that opens up the subject emotionally, often causing tears and and emotional breakdown. Similar to extended aftercare, but with the intent to build intensity.

auction: Auctions can be held for many reasons: to raise funds for an event, a new piece of equipment, repairs, benefit for a charity or a needy member, or—fun! Most people think of slave auctions, but they may also be of donated “toys,” dungeon time, or the services of someone with special skills; for example, a rope bondage session, sensuous massage, tailoring, lawn service, etc.

auralism: a fetish consisting of sexual arousal or excitement caused by sound, to be compared with voyeurism. This sound might be music, a voice, sex noises (including listening to others having sex) or other sounds.

B

bad pain (see limits, good pain): Physical or psychological pain which is beyond what the recipient is capable of accepting without potential long-term physical or emotional consequence. Frequently arises from exceeding the recipient’slimits, or failing to recognize signs of distress. Can lead to drastic consequences, including permanent physical damage, psychological side effects, ending of the relationship, even abandonment of the lifestyle.

bagging: Suffocation using a (mostly or always) clear bag over someone’s head, as a turn on.

Balls Out Risky Kink: (also BORK) An acronym used to describe a philosophical view that is permissive of exceptionally risky sexual behaviors. BORK differs from typical edge play in that the term edge play more commonly references types of play that can have catastrophic results in the cases of equipment failure or improper technique, but that in edge play those risks are mostly mitigated by equipment maintenance and proper technique, where as with BORK even with proper equipment maintenance and proper technique a large and substantial risk is still present.

body worship: To show respect to every part of the Dominant’s body, often by kissing, licking, or sucking. May involve ritual components.

bastinado: Impact play involving the soles of the feet.

beating: The Top uses an implement to hit the sub.

bestiality: Sexual abuse of an animal.

bisexual: A person open to sexual activity with both sexes. May still have a preference; or the attraction might depend more on the individual person than on their sex.

bit; bit gag: A style of gag with a cylindrical mouthpiece, usually made of soft rubber or latex. Simulating the bridle of a horse, such bits are often used inpony play.

black sheet party: An orgy for people into BDSM sex.

blackbooting: Using a shoe heel as an anal dildo; some care required.

bladder/bowel control: (1) Requiring the submissive to ask permission before toileting. (2) Training the submissive to be able to eliminate in the Dominant’s presence, or even while being fondled. As an invasion of privacy, this can be a form of humiliation; it can also be used to foster the submissive’s trust and acceptance of the Dom into the most intimate aspects of the sub’s life.

blood play: (See cutting or blood sports) The drawing of blood during play.

body modification: Various changes to the body, usually permanent. Including tattoos, piercings, scarification (scarring), branding, permanent hair removal, breast augmentation or reduction, etc. Microbranding or “cell popping” is considered temporary; subdermal implants can usually be removed.

bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage may refer to total body restraint, or restraint of a particular body part, such as breast bondage. (Also see: mental bondage)

bondage art: binding the bottom in a way which is aesthetically pleasing. Often for photography.

Bondage & Discipline (BD or B&D): A part of the multiple acronym BDSM. Refers to the primarily physical aspect of BDSM; that of restraint and of physical play.

bondage belt: Usually made of leather, with metal rings for bondage attachment points.

bondage suit: Used for mummification and occasionally suspension. Commonly made of leather with straps and made to fit snugly.

boot worship: To show respect for the Dominant’s footwear, often by kissing, licking, or sucking, or by cleaning/polishing. May involve ritual components.

bootblack: A person (male or female) who polishes and/or spit-shines a pair of boots, sometimes as a gesture of submission, sometimes as a part of military-style uniform play, sometimes as part of boot worship, and sometimes to mark the beginning of a scene.

bowcatting: see cunnilingus

branding: Scarring of the skin by a heated object. Can be semi-permanent or permanent (see cell popping).

brat: A “bratty” submissive has a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or mildly disobedient. On the surface, this is a negative quality in a submissive; however, a certain amount of “brattiness” is enjoyed by some Dominants, and may in fact be a large component of a power exchange relationship. (Also see Topping from the bottom)

breast bondage: The act of restraining female breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge. May include nipple clamping.

breath control, breath play: The act by which the dominant controls the submissive’s breathing, often by choking, HOM (hand over mouth) or other forms of asphyxiation. Important: Many consider any form or degree of breath control to be extremely dangerous. Please see this.

breeding: Usually means to have unprotected sex to ejaculation (ejaculating inside the vagina or anus) and often performed by a D-type to an s-type. This can be done to males as well as females. It can also refer to a breeding fantasy, where females will role-play being impregnated and carrying the baby, even up to the ‘birth’. This cycle can happen several times in one session as it is fantasy.

brown shower (see scat): Defecation on a person.

bullwhip: A type of singletail consisting of a woven or braided leather whip, usually longer than 4′, with a short rigid handle.

bukkake: Japanese term for woman being showered by sperm.

bunny (see rope bunny): 1. primarily someone who bottoms for a demo, such as rope bunny, wax bunny, bondage bunny, etc. 2. various vanilla terms found in the Urban dictionary.

butt plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. Usually has a flared base to prevent it from entirely entering the rectum. They come in a variety of styles and sizes; some can vibrate.

C

camming: Having “sex” via the Internet, with webcams allowing viewing of the action, either one way or both ways.

cane: A thin rod used for striking. Commonly made of hardwood, bamboo, or acrylic.

canning: A common misspelling of “caning” (see cane above).

cat o’ nine tails: Whip with nine tails or lashes. <

catheter: A specially designed tubular device, usually soft plastic, inserted through the urinary channel into the bladder in order to drain it. Used medically when a person is unable to relieve themselves normally, as in after injury or surgery, or during serious illness or unconsciousness. In BDSM, used in urethral play. Safety caution: The bladder in healthy people is a sterile environment. Inserting a nonsterile catheter, or using the catheter to inject fluids into the bladder, may cause serious infection!

cell popping (see microbranding, body modification): A small metal poker is heated until glowing red and gently applied to the skin for one second. A design is formed by a series of dots made by the poker. This body mod is considered a temporary branding lasting anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months, depending on application and individual healing factors.

chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the choice of their partner; sometimes by means of a device called a chastity belt (or for men a cock cage) that prevents stimulation or makes it painful. (deFUNition: cruel and unusual punishment!)

chat speak: A way to condense IM or text messages to a minimum of characters or letters. Not to be confused with acronyms.

checklist A listing of BDSM and fetish activities used to determine the experience, willingness, and desire of participants for the various activities by both Tops/Dominants and bottoms/submissives. The activities are typically rated on a scale. (For example’ “0” may mean “I never want to experience this” (ahard limit) and “5” may mean “I want to do this as often as possible!”)

chemical play: Using chemicals to produce sensations. Examples: wintergreen oil, Tabasco sauce, tiger balm, ginger, peppermint, rubbing alcohol, toothpaste, menthol, etc. Caution: should be tested on less sensitive tissues first!

circle jerk: When a group of males all stand in a circle and everyone jerks the person os either the right or the left of them.

cisgendered: The word has its origin in the Latin-derived prefix cis, meaning “to/this the near side”. In short, a ‘girly girl’ or ‘manly man’.

Clan: see Family, below.

clover clamp: A specific type of nipple clamp consisting of a clamp with a lever mechanism to which a chain or cord is affixed in such a way that pulling on the chain or cord increases pressure on the clamp.

cock milking (see p-gasm, prostate massage): The practice of forcing a male to discharge semen through the penis through prostate massage without experiencing orgasm. Uses: (1.) In Domination/humiliation play, to arouse, frustrate, and/or humiliate a submissive by causing intense sensations and the involuntary “milking” of semen while denying orgasm; especially effective in the presence of witnesses. (2.) To enhance pleasure (for any male, not just submissives!) by giving an extremely pleasurable sensation, similar to that of orgasm, for an extended period of time.

cock ring: A device put around the penis to keep an erection.

Collar, Collared, Collaring capitalization note: It is a convention among some persons to capitalize the term “Collar” as a form of respect for the Ownership it symbolizes. That convention is used here, but it is by no means universally recognized.

Collar: Any symbol used to represent that a submissive or slave is Owned. Often an actual Collar, but can also be anything from a anklet to a bracelet to whatever the “couple” decides it to be.

Collared: The state of a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes referred to as Owned.

Collaring: 1. The formal acceptance by a Dominant of a submissive’s service. 2. A ceremony celebrating such an event. May be a simple act of commitment between two people, or a formal ceremony similar to a wedding.

compersion: Feeling expansion in joy and in love when a person you love finds happiness derived from their experience with another person.

consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship.

consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and to common sense, consent to activities is given without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. Very common (and pretty much necessary!) for activities such as kidnap or rape play, where prior discussion would destroy much of the “atmosphere”—like spoiling a surprise party. Examples: an agreement that anything rated “2” or higher in a submissive survey is “fair game” for play, without additional discussion or negotiation; or negotiation of kidnap play in advance, but without disclosing when, where, or the details of the scene.

consideration (also under consideration): Consideration is when the person receiving/having power is still considering or deciding whether to accept the lesser-power partner to a closer, more important, or more responsible (etc.) position or relationship. – being collared or enslaved is common, although other relationships “on the right side of the / ” (the slash) are considered. (Pony, pet, submissive, babygirl/boy, toy, girl, boy, owned, property, chastity, service, bottom, Kajirus, Kajira, bottom, masochist, possession, ad kinkituum.)

contract (may be capitalized): A written agreement between the Dominant and submissive. Generally, it outlines the structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries of the relationship. It is not, nor is it intended to be, legally binding. Contracts may be used for various stages and timelines of the relationship; for example, there may be one for an online relationship; one covering only the first meeting or first few meetings; one covering a period of time (months or years) after which it may be renegotiated; or for a lifetime. Generally, a Contract cannot be amended; if change is desired, it must be rewritten. Often, there is a separate section for rules, protocols, etc. which can be amended; like the U. S. Constitution’s “Bill of Rights”. The signing of the Contract can be a ceremonial occasion; sometimes it is part of a Collaring ceremony. [Editorial note: will work on finding and posting samples soon.]

corporal punishment: Punishment involving pain, often more specifically impact punishment. Any activity involving discipline through physical means.

corset: Clothing for shaping the body, usually into an hourglass shape. Used in the extreme it can cause breathing difficulty, and shift internal organs and bones.

costume play (see role play): Use of costumes by one or both parties in a scene to enhance the “atmosphere” of role play. Includes professions (police, doctor, etc), historical figures, superheroes, to name just a few possibilities.

cracker: Attached to the end of a whip. Makes a loud cracking sound as the whip is snapped.

Creampie The original usage seems to be eating semen from a vagina or rectum. Possibly due to the internet, where pictures are as close as we can get, visuals of male ejaculate (cum) dripping, squeezed or overflowing from the vagina or ass hole in which it was ejaculated. Has been called “hair pie” with fresh “cream,” possibly before hair removal was more common.

crop: A thin, flexible instrument used for striking, consisting of a rigid but flexible shaft wrapped with leather or a similar material, with a handle at one end and often with a small leather loop at the other.

cuckold (see cuckquean): A man with an “unfaithful” long term partner (i.e. a husband and wife where the wife has sex with other people). There are many variations on cuckolding, but the core essence is a couple where the female partner is having sex with other partners. The female partner may have one or more regular lovers or have sexual encounters with strangers. The male may or may not be aware of being cuckolded. The male may be submissive to his partner and/or her lover(s). The male may even dominate his partner and/or her lovers. The male may or may not be present to watch his partner with her lover(s) and may or may not participate with his partner and/or her lover(s). The male may or may not be permitted to have sex with his partner (see chastity) and may or may not sexually interact with his partner’s lover(s) (see bisexual). Since cuckolding requires a long term relationship in order for the fidelity of that relationship to be violated, it is problematic for men who want to be cuckolded but are single or married to someone who does not share their interest. Such men may engage in cuckold role play with women, couples or a hired professional.

Crumbs: (See Breadcrumbs) Short for Breadcrumbs.

cuckquean: Female version of cuckold (above). In the fetish scenario, the cucquean might enjoy a scenario such as being forced to sit and watch quietly while her partner has sex; again, may or may not be allowed to participate. Conversely, she may be “forced” to exhaustion.

cunnilingus: Oral sex performed on a female.

cupping: To use a suction device on body parts. Commonly glass cups which are done with suction or fire.

cutting: The use of a sharp instrument with the intent of drawing blood.

cybersex: (cyber) Performing or role-playing sexual acts over the internet. This can be done via text only, or using a web cam and/or microphone.

D

D-type (for “Dominant-type”): A universal term including all forms of Doms, Dommes, Owners, Tops, etc. (s-type for submissives.)

Dacryphilia: Arousal by tears or sobbing.

damsel in distress (also DID): 1. A submissive who has serious emotional problems, usually caused by an abusive childhood or relationship, or a traumatic experience such as rape. S/he may need professional counseling, or simply time to process hir trauma, before s/he can be in a meaningful relationship. SeeWhite Knight. 2. A type of role play, fetish or scene based on, “Damsel in distress, a classic theme in world literature, art and film.”

‘deer in the headlights’: (see squick, mindfuck) The look on a submissive’s face when she has been squicked or mindfucked. Priceless!

“deFUNition”: A term used within this glossary to indicate that the following text is intended for entertainment, not to be taken seriously.

diaper lover (see adult baby): 1. One who dresses and/or role plays the part of a baby or toddler. 2. One who enjoys wearing and/or relieving themselves in diapers, without necessarily indulging in role play.

dirty keenhole (see keenhole): (v.) To pass feces through a large gauge in his or her earlobe. (n.) The act or fetish of passing feces through a person’s earlobe piercing hole.

discipline (see reward, punishment): Any activity in which one person trains another person to act or behave in a specified way, often by enforcing rigid codes of conduct or by inflicting punishment for failure to behave in the prescribed way.

dollification: the process of evolving, mentally and physically, into a “living doll.” Individuals who desire this process-as well as those who are in the midst of the process or have already achieved an end result-may be described as “dolls,” and most desire as well to be owned. The parties involved in dollification are referred to as “Owner”and “doll”; this is comparable to a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship.

Mental traits of a doll include but are not limited to: enjoyment of objectification and natural subservience, the underlying will to be transformed through one’s own and/or outside forces into a living doll, ultimately, the capacity to feel/see oneself in a dollific manner, which the doll will continuously strive to achieve and/or improve.

While not all who possess these innate qualities will embrace them, it will not change that it is part of who they are by nature.

Physical traits of a doll-in process or complete-include but are not limited to: corsets, stiletto heels, thigh highs/stockings, rubber/vinyl/plastic suits, dresses, skirts, makeup, etc. along with all other body modifications. Long hair to a shaved head, A-cup to DD (and larger), any height, clothed or not, still to feisty-the physical traits are all relative to each individual doll and its own fit into and relationship with dollification.

Ultimately the ideal physical aspect of the doll is set forth by the doll itself, an Owner, or a combination of both.

Note: It is important to realize that there is no intention here to degrade or diminish the doll-particularly, as it may appear to some, in comparison with the Owner. This is a symbiotic relationship: Yin and Yang. Those who are familiar with M/s or D/s relationships are aware of the innate equality of such relationships, paradoxical though it may seem. -@Vanille

Domdrop: The Dominant/Top’s equivalent of “subdrop.” In brief, it’s an emotional condition caused by the sudden drop of adrenalin from intense BDSM play. It can manifest in a variety of emotional responses, including anger or depression. It’s the reason aftercare isn’t just for subs/bottoms. (Also called ‘Topdrop’.)

domestic (usually applied to a slave or submissive): One whose inclination is to serve primarily as a domestic, as in cleaning, cooking, running a household. There may or may not be sexual or other physical contact involved in the relationship.

Dominant: Person who exercises control in a D/s relationship. Can be used for any gender. (See Dom, Domina or Domme below. Also see Master, Mistress.Contrast with Top, which usually refers to the person who exercises control in ascene, and who may or may not be a Dominant “full time”, or may not be the Dominant of the person being controlled in the scene.

Dom: Male (sometimes all gender) form for Dominant.

Domina or Domme: Female forms of Dominant

Dominate: To have power and influence over another person. In D/s, generally refers to having control in a power exchange relationship. (From Latin dominus:“Lord, Master.”) A verb, this is not the title above, .

doormat: Term arising from “being walked on.” (1) A typical vanilla view of the concept of submission. (2) A submissive who desires to be treated as insignificant, objectified, to serve with little or no showing of affection or approval. Such a submissive will often prefer to be a slave or service-oriented.Such a submissive may be perfectly healthy and happy in this role; however, it may also be that s/he is a “damsel in distress” with co-dependency, emotional and/or self-image issues.

Drop: When a top or bottom feels bad some time after playing. Defined in detail as Subdrop, and for Tops there as Topdrop, or in this section asDomdrop. Aftercare is also referenced, as it generally seems to reduce or prevent Drop.

dragon’s tail: An unusual type of whip consisting of a handle, often made of wood and wrapped with leather, to which a wide triangular piece of thin leather or suede is attached. This leather or suede forms a lash which is a hollow tube tapering to a point at the striking end.

dungeon: A room or area with BDSM equipment and play space. Examples: A corner in a Dominant’s house, a facility owned or rented by a BDSM club, one or more elaborate rooms in a public club catering to the BDSM trade.

Dungeon Master/Mistress (DM): The owner or host of a dungeon facility, or host of a play party. In general, the person in overall charge of an event, whose decisions should be accepted and respected by all attending. (DM can also stand for dungeon monitor, below.)

dungeon monitor (DM): A person appointed to supervise the interactions between participants at a play party to ensure their safety and adherence to thedungeon rules. The DM’s directions must be accepted by all attending. (DM can also stand for Dungeon Master, above.)

dungeon rules (may also be house, group or party rules): A set of rules established by the host of an event or play party, by the Dungeon Master/Mistress, or a group or club. All attendees must agree as a condition of attending. These rules usually address such issues as safety, hygiene, consent, and good behavior.

E

earplugs: Can be used in sensory deprivation play. May be plugs or “headphone” style hearing protectors.

edge play (adjective form: “their play was edgy“): Play which pushes the limits of the persons involved. Also used for potentially dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, cutting, or breath play, which require careful study and practice before attempting. *DeFUNition: When the witnesses need aftercare!

edging: A sub being brought to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release, often done over and over again. It may be done by their dominant, or they may be allowed to self-manipulation. If eventually allowed to cum, it tends to be more intense, but their top may put them directly into chastity and sexual frustration, driving them further into submission.

electric play: Any of a variety of different practices involving the use of electrical current or electricity to stimulate a person. Some common forms of electrical play include using high-voltage, low-current devices such as violet wands or the use of controlled pulses of electricity to induce muscle contractions as with a TENS unit. Also a stun gun or cattle prod can be used.

embarrassment: (see humiliation) Considered the emotional equivalent of bad pain. Humiliation beyond the recipient’s limits; may cause long-term negative aftereffects.

emotional play (see humiliation, squick): Play making use of heavy emotional content; often humiliation, sometimes fear or shame.

endorphin rush: (see aftercare, subspace) Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the “high” people often get from pain or stressful situations. Once thought to be solely responsible for the phenomenon of “subspace”, but it is generally acknowledged that a bottom can achieve subspace without being placed in endorphin-causing situations.

erogenous zone: (1) Area of the body commonly associated with sexuality; thegenitals or breasts (especially female breasts). (2) Any area of the body especially sensitive to sexual stimulation.

erotic hypnosis: (see hypnosis) Erotic hypnosis is the use of hypnosis to enhance any sort of sexual situation with a wide variety of mental or physical effects, including altered sensations (arousal, pain), illusory bondage. enhanced obedience, or more realistic role-play. For detailed explanation and possibilities.

erotic sexual denial (see tease, denial, chastity): Keeping the subject aroused while delaying or preventing release through orgasm; to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension, inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity.

evil stick: An implement consisting of a thin rod, often of carbon fiber, typically about the diameter of a mechanical pencil lead, attached to a small, rigid handle. The rod is flexible and very strong; when laid against the skin and then flicked with a strong upward motion at its tip, it causes a sharp pain and typically leaves a thin, well-defined welt that can persist for days. Carbon fiber is a preferred material for the stick.

exhibitionism: Behaving extravagantly in order to attract attention. In BDSM, often takes the form of displaying “taboo” actions or portions of the body to others. This may be for the gratification of the exhibitionist, or at the direction of a Top, to expose them to humiliation. NOTE: In a BDSM context, it should be remembered that a part of “consensual” includes NOT involving innocent bystanders; who, by definition, have not consented to being involved in the “scene”.

exhibitionist: A person who delights in, or obtains some form of gratification from, behaving extravagantly in order to attract attention. In BDSM, this often takes the form of displaying “taboo” actions or portions of the body. Seeexhibitionism

F

face fucking: Forcing a person to perform fellatio on a penis or phallic object, such as a dildo.

facesitting, face sitting (see queening): Practice in which one partner sits on or over the other’s face, typically to allow, or force, oral-genital or oral-anal contact. Several styles of furniture (see queening bench) have been designed to facilitate this act.

failsafe (see “out”): An arrangement which allows the bottom to escape from bondage in case of emergency. May be used when a Dominant has a medical condition which may incapacitate him; or the participants may agree to it as a general safety policy, “just in case.”

fall: The striking end of a singletail.

Family (usually capitalized): A grouping of three or more individuals in a relationship; usually (not always) living together. Can be organized around any number of relationship structures, including leather, polyamorous, polygamous, or “traditional” family with a daddy, mommy, and age-playing “children.” The structure can be informal and fluid, or rigid and well-defined. Usually headed by a paternal Dominant, male or female. Can be similar or the same to a Clan, Pack, or House, household

fantasy rape: A consensual “rape” scene. Also rape play.

fear play (psychological play): Playing with a real fear in a safe and controlled manner. May be used to help a submissive get over a fear or “push” a limit, or simply for the Dominant’s gratification.

feeder: one who takes pleasure in feeding their bottom so he or she will put on weight.

fellatio: Oral sex performed on the penis. Sometimes used referring to a dildo or other phallic object.

felching: Licking/sucking fluids (usually semen) from someone’s anus.

FemDom: A relationship in which the Dominant is female. Usually refers more specifically to a relationship between a female Dominant and a male submissive; the reverse of MDom.

feminization: To be forced to dress up as a female, usually in frilly, lacy clothing and exaggerated makeup.

fetish: Sexual excitement aroused by a specific object, body part, or activity not usually associated with sexual arousal. (See fetishist below.)

figging: The act of inserting a prepared “finger” of ginger root or chili pepper into the anus. The burning sensation is said to induce intense pleasure. Safety note: Be sure it is secured in a manner that it can be removed!

Financial Dominance or FinDom: Financial Dominance or FinDom: A situation in which (submissve) men desire to give dominant women (or dominant men <gay or straight>) money, even going into bankruptcy. Often they know each other only on line or on the phone. The FinDom may give nothing back, or something standardized for all their money slaves. There are other interactions. (one big interaction is, more than often, paying tribute such as buying item on a dominants wish list on Amazon.com or other similar sites.) Some consider anyDominant who demands “tribute” to fall into this category. Those who practice this are generally shunned by other members of the BDSM community.

“fire and ice” (see wax play): Play involving the use of hot wax alternating with ice or ice water.

fire play: Using flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the bottom. Caution: this is considered edge play, and should be studied with one experienced in the practice.

floating (see aftercare, subspace, endorphin high): How subspace is often described by submissives.

flogger: A tool of impact play, consisting of a handle with multiple lashes attached to it. The lashes are typically made of leather, but may also be made of materials such as rope, suede, horsehair, or even rubber.

florentine: A flashy flogging technique involving the use of a flogger in each hand. The floggers are swung in a figure-8 pattern.

fluid exchange: Any activity in which bodily fluids may be exchanged, including mouth-to-mouth, mouth-to-genital, or genital-to-genital. Also includes any contact with blood or with the anus (even though the latter isn’t usually “fluid”). Fluid exchange activities are often prohibited at play parties, except with one’s own partner(s), for health reasons. Similarly, one is often requested to “bring your own toys” (BYOT), which should never be shared.

flying: see floating

foot worship: To ritually respect the Dominant’s feet, commonly by sucking, kissing, and/or licking. May include washing, pedicures, etc.

forced orgasm: An orgasm induced in a person against that person’s will, or despite their having been denied permission to orgasm.

freakout: see panic attack.

French, Frenching: (1) Of or related to oral sex. (2) French kissing refers to inserting the tongue into the other person’s mouth.

frottage: Rubbing of the body against a person or object for arousal.

FtM: Transgender, female to male

funishment: A lighter-hearted form of punishment of discipline where laughter is allowed; or a discipline that while still serious includes the submissive to enjoy the emotions and sensations; an “ask first” word.

furry: One who assumes an animal’s character in play. May wear a costume, but usually only “tokens” representing the animal; for example, ears, makeup, tail, or animal-print clothing, or made of “fun fur.”

G

gag: Any device or object designed to be placed in the mouth, most commonly to prevent a person from speaking or making loud sounds, sometimes to hold the mouth open.

Gates of Hell: Usually made of leather or rubber. Male chastity device for enclosing or restricting penis and testicles.

genitals: The sexual organs of either sex.

genitorture: Torture of the genitals, yay.

gimp: (1) A body suit, usually with face covering, possibly genital openings, made of plastic, PVC, leather or combination, usually along with some combination of humiliation, predicament or dehumanization fetishes, (2) people with a limp or other physical disabilities, sometimes used as an insult (which can thus be used for kink humiliation) or (3) a type of plastic lacing used for floggers (or for crafting bracelets outside of kink.)

giving him/her her/his leash: 1. (gay usage) give them enough rope to hang himself. 2. give him his leash to walk freely around a party, if he stays good. – (both old fashioned meanings) 3. to had a sub a collar, and have the sub hand back the leash, to show acceptance and submission. 4. in an existent relationship, handing back the leash can be a way of returning the submission and ending that level of relationship.

glory hole: A hole cut in a partition through which the penis is inserted in order to receive oral sex or masturbation from an anonymous person on the other side. Usually found in men’s restroom stalls in a “certain” kind of club.

golden shower: Being urinated on by another person.

good pain (see limits, bad pain): Generally defines a level of pain (physical or psychological) which the recipient can bear without causing long-term physical damage or emotional harm. See “bad pain” for possible consequences.

Gorean: Related to the rituals and practices created within the world of Gor in the fantasy/adventure novels by John Norman. Gorean culture is based on stereotypical gender roles, a rigid hierarchy, and an emphasis on ritual. Some common Gorean terms are defined in this Glossary, some of which are used only in online environments: kajir, kajiri, kajirae, kajirus, kajiri, kolar, kef.

grandmother rule, grandmothering: (Generally applies to “vanilla spaces”, such as public areas at a hotel where a BDSM event is being held, or heading to a play party at someone’s house.) Your appearance and conduct should be such that, if you happened to bump into your grandmother, she wouldn’t be shocked (unless she knew what you’re carrying in that duffel bag!)

greek: Anal sex.

gunplay: Using actual or simulated firearms in a scene.

H

hair bondage: Bondage technique in which the hair is secured in such a way as to limit mobility of the bound person’s head, upper body, etc., also done for the sensation it gives.

handkerchief codes, hanky codes: Visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest. Originated in the leather movement to signal one’s interests in a public environment, such as a bar or club.

hard limit: What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable (may or may not be subject to change over time).

harem: A group of submissives in the service of one or more Dominants.

harness:(1) For dress/showing off, as in pony play. (2) For bondage or suspension.

hedonistic Pursuit of or devotion to pleasure, especially to the pleasures of the senses

heteroflexible: A person who identifies as primarily heterosexual but can occasionally find the same sex appealing; or is willing, in some situations, to have contact with the same sex.

“high maintenance” submissive (see Topping from the bottom) One who desires much attention and D/s play in order to be fulfilled. May be bratty orpushy. This submissive will be happiest in a 24/7 relationship. (There are other causes of high maintenance such as health issues, family, etc.)

hobble skirt: A skirt which is very narrow just below the knees. Intended to restrict movement and cause very small steps. (Caution: when combined with high heels, there is increased danger of falling.)

hog tie: A bondage technique in which one or both ankles are bound to the wrists, usually behind the back.

homoflexible: A person who identifies as primarily homosexual but can occasionally find the opposite sex appealing; or is willing, in some situations, to have contact with the opposite sex.

hood: Wide range of coverings which totally encase the head, often made of leather or PVC. May have openings for eyes, nose, and/or mouth.

horse (spanking, bondage, wooden; see furniture): A piece of bondage furniture consisting of a plank supported by two legs on each end, similar to a sawhorse. A person may be bent or tied over the horse and flogged or spanked. Varying widely in style, these are often “homemade”.

House, household (House usually capitalized): A grouping of three, but usually more, people who share some aspect of kink, or follow or honor one or more of the people or concepts of the household. It is common that there is one or more leader, usually (but not always) a Dominant. Each House or household has its own style, rules (if any), and interactions. See Family, Clan, above;

humiliation; humiliation play (see embarrassment, psychological play): Although the two terms are somewhat synonymous, “humiliation” is consideredgood pain in BDSM circles, while “embarrassment” is bad pain. Humiliation can come about in a variety of ways, from gentle teasing to objectification. Like pain, humiliation is desired by many submissive personalities, as well as being pleasurable or entertaining to many Dominants. It can also be a tool for pushing limits, or even (carefully) punishment. Humiliation can be psychologically very intense, and should be explored gradually.

hypnosis: See erotic hypnosis.

I

impact play: Striking with various objects, including the hand (spanking), riding crops, floggers and whips and canes (oh, my!)

infantilism: See adult baby.

informed consent: The principle that in order for consent to be genuine, the consenter must know all significant information about the object of consent.Example: A person consents to participate in “rape play”, but is not informed that a third party has been invited to take part in the raping. Another element of informed consent is that the consenter is capable of consenting; in other words, not under the influence of alcohol, drugs, coercion, exhaustion, subspace, etc.

interrogation play: Oral questioning taking the form of torture or cross examination.

irrumatio: (irrumation) A type of sexual intercourse performed by actively thrusting one’s penis into a partner’s mouth and throat. More commonly known as face fucking.

J

Japanese bondage (see shibari): Any of a number of styles of rope bondage in which the emphasis is on artistic display rather than simple utility. >>>>>>>[Admin: add other style names]

K

K-9 role play: see animal play

kajir: A supposedly Gorean term indicating a group of mixed male and female slaves that is used only in online environments.

keenhole: (v.) To have sex with a person by way of a large gauge hole stretched in his or her earlobe. Mostly performed by homosexuals with body modifications, this hobby is also enjoyed by heterosexual couples. (n.) The act or fetish of penetrating a person’s earlobe piercing hole with one’s penis.

Kef: Gorean term for a brand with the appearance of a stylized cursive lowercase “k”. In the Gor novels, a kajira was normally branded on the outside of her left thigh to mark her as a slave; a kajirus‘s brand is supposed to be a simple printed “k”.

Kegel exercise (KAY-gull): Muscular contractions used to strengthen the pelvic floor. In women, supposed benefits include enhancing orgasmic response, tightening the vagina and reduction of incontinence.

kidnapping play: Scenario in which the bottom is forcibly restrained and (usually) taken to another location for further play. Also see takedown for safety note.

kink: Unconventional sexual preferences or behavior.

kink friendly: Usually used in reference to someone who provides a professional service, such as a doctor, counselor, leather worker, carpenter, etc. May be D/s themselves, or may be one who is accepting of D/s as a healthy lifestyle choice and is willing to help a kinkster with their needs, regardless of the views of society (and maintain confidentiality).

knife play: The use of knives in a scene. Often for the psychological effect, without actually drawing blood; but sometimes used to cut as well (blood play).

Knight: see White Knight.

Kolar: Term for Collar used by online Goreans.

L

lactation: The expression of human female breast milk. An object of fetish for many.LDR: Long Distance Relationship.

leather (culture): A traditional style of BDSM, whose origins are post-World War II and arose out of the combination of some motorcycle “gangs” with male homosexual BDSM. This tradition is credited with originating the concept of the BDSM “club”, which later spread through other orientations to give rise to the many hundreds of clubs now in existence. Women (“leatherdykes”) were allowed to participate starting around 1980, usually as a “sister” chapter. Some leather clubs are rigid in structure and hierarchy; a member moves up through various ranks over the course of years. This type of system is often referred to as “old school”. There are many other variations as well.

leather family: For now, see family in leatherdykes, leathermen. leatherwomen : see leather above.

limits (see hard limits, soft limits): What someone will not do (hard) or is hesitant to do (soft).

lingam: Hindu/tantric term for the penis; used in writings such as the Kama Sutra. Female equivalent: yoni.(DeFUNition: Employed by writers who want to give an appearance of being mystical or intellectually superior <grin>).

little or little boy/girl: One who takes the role of a submissive child in age play.May or may not be sexual; does not imply actual incest or pedophilism!

lolita: (1) An underage temptress (from the 1961 movie “Lolita”) stems from a novel published in 1955 by the same name, written by Vladimir Nabokov. (2) A sexpot who is not underage, but can appear to be. See age play.looner A person who has a sexual fetish about balloons

M

manga: Usually refers to comics when used in English, a style of drawing developed in Japan in the late 19th Century. Popular with sex/BDSM artists, depicting all kinds of sex, bondage, S&M acts. anime is the animated version.

masochist: A person who enjoys receiving pain or humiliation. May or may not be sexual. (Also pain slut.)

Master/slave or M/s: A consensual relationship in which the Master has ownership of the slave. A relatively intense form of D/s relationship. The relationship is more likely to be 24/7.

Masters And slaves Together, also MAsT: A family of groups which support the M/s dynamic. All gender combinations exist under the MAsT umbrella, although individual groups may choose to focus on a particular orientation combination.

Madame: A name for a female dominant. In a non-fetish sense, the owner/operator of a brothel.

mental bondage (psychological bondage): Being forced to remain in a position by orders of the Dominant.merkin: An artificial “beard” for the female genitals. Origin, about 1450: females would shave their hair to prevent pubic lice, and a merkin restored their “normal” look. Worn by male actors portraying females in nude scenes onstage. Recently used in movies when a more “natural” look is called for in a nude scene. There are also decorative versions, which might be used in clubs where complete nudity is “not quite” allowed.

metamour: The lover of your lover. In a V structure poly relationship, the metamours would be the two people at the top of the V.

microbranding (see cell popping): The process of creating single-pore burns middle (or middles): 1. If used in the same context as “little,” middles are littles who identify slightly older, as pre-teens or teens. 2. in multi-top scenes, an assistant top, literally between the senior top and the bottom(s); or a senior sub; or a “switch” who subs to the top, and tops the sub.

mindfuck: (see squick, ‘deer in the headlights’): To toy with one’s concept of reality; to cause a state of confusion and befuddlement.

mouth bit: See bit.

mummification: Immobilizing the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of shrink wrap or food film. Creates a feeling of total bodily helplessness. Sometimes used as an element of sensory deprivation. SAFETY ISSUES:Breathing restrictions, chilling or overheating, “freak out” from bondage. A pair of bandage scissors (blunt tips) is recommended to quickly remove the bondage, and the subject should never be left unattended.

munch: A meeting of a group of kinksters at a “vanilla” place such as a club or restaurant, usually for discussion, not play. Munches are often used to introduce (and evaluate) prospective club members before giving them sensitive information, such as the location of meetings or play parties, or identifying information of any club members. Some munches do have the privacy to allow light play, so it is best to contact the organisers before you go along if you are in doubt, in order to know what to expect. One helpful source is

N

needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles, usually only for the duration of a scene. SAFETY ISSUES: Must take precautions against infection.

negotiation (see hard limits, soft limits, Contracts): Communication before ascene, or during the formation of a relationship, in which the parties reach agreement about the goals, expectations, and limits of one another. May be anything from a thirty-second conversation to a formal, written Contract.

newbie: Someone new to BDSM. Not a derogatory term, but sometimes used in a derogatory sense, e.g.: “stupid newbie mistakes”. It may be difficult to tell the difference between a well-meaning newbie and a possibly dangerous wannabe;see red flags, nipple clamps: Any clamp or clamp-like device designed to compress the subject’s nipples. May include a mechanism for adjusting or limiting the amount of pressure applied to the nipple.Note: Clamps when applied are generally not painful, just uncomfortable. If applied for several minutes, then removed, the blood rushing back into the nipple creates a painful, burning sensation.>>>>>[admin: add clothespin photo]

nipple noose: Similar in function to the nipple clamp, but made from a looped cord, like a miniature lasso.

nipple torture: Pain play. May use techniques and devices such as needles, nipple clamps, “fire and ice”.

nose hook: Two-pronged hook inserted in the nostrils; used in bondage. Causes both discomfort and a degree of humiliation.nyotaimori: Human sushi platters.

O

objectification (humiliation play): The subject is dehumanized; treated as ananimal, slave, furniture, toy, etc.

“old school”/”Old Guard”: An elitist belief in the existence of one true way of approaching BDSM, often claimed to be based upon early Leather traditions. See “Old Gods Die Hard“, by prominent Leather author and speaker Guy Baldwin.

omnisexual: Being strongly attracted to, or aroused by, both sexes.

orgasm control or denial: The practice whereby the subject is not permitted to reach sexual orgasm without permission , or for a set period of time, or sometimes at all, even though that person may be permitted (or required) to engage in sexual activity.

“out”: 1. A safeword or safe signal. 2. In bondage, a failsafe.

over-the-knee spanking (OTK): Traditional, “informal” spanking method.

Owned: The state of a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes referred to as Collared.

P

Pack: A Family structure, often used by primals or gay men. It may be “wilder,” or just a preferred term. The main reference is at family in pain slut: A masochist; a person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain; may or may not enjoy submitting. They may gain sexual pleasure, or crave the experience of “subspace”.

panic attack (“freakout”): A situation in which a bottom is badly startled or becomes anxious or frightened, resulting in either becoming “frozen” or involuntary physical struggle. If startled—for example, a surprise “tickle attack”, injury may result; such as a broken nose from a flying elbow. Anxiety or fright may result from many things: bondage, pain, kidnap or rape play, edge play, etc. The “trigger” may not even be known before it happens. Precautions: When trying a form of play that the bottom has not experienced before, introduce it cautiously. In a new type of bondage, design a quick release feature; a pair of medical type scissors (strong, sharp, but with blunt ends for cutting close to skin) should be handy for rope bondage or mummification. Other types of play, such as new or stronger impact play, kidnap or rape play, or edge play, should be introduced without bondage.

pansexual: Not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity.

paraphilia (see fetish): A desire for erotic enjoyment based on an object, activity, or body part not generally considered sexual; for example, stuffed animals, shampooing, noses.

pearl necklace: When a man ejaculates onto a neck; the drops resemble pearls.

pedophile (1) A person who has desires to interact sexually with, or have dominant control over, a minor; and is more than two or three years older than the minor. (2) A person who has acted on such desires, which constitutes criminal activity.

pedophilism: Actions of a pedophile, or tendency towards being a pedophile (see above).

pegging: (1) The practice of using a strap-on dildo for penetration (generally applied female-to-male anal). (2) Sitting on a “peg” (like a butt plug, but fixed in place) with the intent of expanding the anus to facilitate anal sex, fisting, etc. (see anal training).

permission: Nearly all power exchange relationships require the submissive to ask permission for certain things. Common examples: To leave the Dominant’s presence, to go to the bathroom, to eat or drink, to have an orgasm.

pervert 1. One whose sexual behavior is considered unacceptably deviant (at least from a vanilla perspective). 2. DeFUNition: A person whose kink is not the same as yours.

pervertable: Common item which can be applied for sexual, fetish, or other BDSM purpose; i. e. wooden spoons, chopsticks, spatulas, clothes pins, belts, saran wrap, etc.

pet play: (1) A submissive is treated as a loved and valued pet; as in puppy or pony.

p-gasm: see progasm below

phallic symbol: An object having some resemblance to the penis, or proportioned like a penis. Example: The Washington Monument has been referred to as the “world’s largest phallic symbol”.

phallus: 1. A penis. 2. A penis substitute: dildo, vibrator, etc.

pinwheel: see Wartenberg pinwheel, below

play: 1. To engage in a BDSM scene or session (see scene). 2. A type of D/s or fetish activity, as in humiliation play, age play, toilet play, edge play.

play collar (see Collar):1. A collar used only in play or at BDSM events. A play collar does not signify that the submissive or slave is owned but may signify that s/he is committed for the night or session. 2. A collar used for a specific type of play, as in a dog collar or any of a number of bondage collars.

play party: A gathering for the purpose of enjoying BDSM play. May be held at someone’s home, or in a club-owned or commercial space (often referred to as a dungeon) specifically intended for the purpose. Usually has specific rules governing the safety and conduct of attendees (see House rules, Club rules).

play punishment: Punishment which happens for fun/play, also can be known as ‘funishment’. The aim of this is not to correct the s-type’s behaviour, but to experience the punishment itself.

plushie: One who plays with stuffed/plush animals, may or may not be sexually.

poly: Usually short for polyamory, sometimes polyfidelity (see directly below.) Poly lifestyle has special terms for the non-standard relationships, listed here, such as paramour, metamour

polyamory: 1. Having multiple relationships with persons not in the same household; also called open marriage, open relationship. 2. Participating in living situations with more than one person; also called family, group “marriage”, multiple “marriage”, polygamy.

polyfidelity: Group of people committed to each other, not having sexual or romantic ties outside of the commitment group, sometimes also called a family, group marriage, multiple marriage, or polygamy.

polysexual: Having sex with multiple partners without commitment. Often done in group parties or orgies.

POV: an adult film acronym for “point of view” where the “star” is interacting with the viewer by looking directly into the camera, talking to the audience, etc.

Positions: Refers to names or signals for body positions that a slave must assume when used by an authorized Mistress or Master. For greater detail, seeSlave Positions and Gorean slave Positions.

power exchange: Any situation where two or more people consensually and voluntarily agree to a relationship in which one (or more) people assume authority and one (or more) people yield authority, either for a predetermined time, or indefinitely. Relationships based on indefinite power exchange are often referred to as Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationships. The defining factor of power exchange is the conscious, deliberate construction of a power dynamic in which at least one person assumes psychological control to some agreed-upon extent over at least one other person.

predicament bondage: A type of bondage in which the intent is to place the bound person in an awkward, difficult, inconvenient, or uncomfortable situation, or to set out a challenge for the bound person to overcome.

primal: Please see: “Roles, Orientations and Genders Defined”

pro-Dom/pro-Domme/pro-sub: professional who dominates or submits to paying customers. May or may not be an actual “kinkster”; may or may not include sex as part of the “service”.

progasm (see cock milking, prostate massage): An orgasm from massage of the prostate only, without penile stimulation.

prostate massage:( see p-gasm, cock milking): Stimulation of the prostate by a finger or object inserted into the anus. May be used alone (as in “cock milking”) or for enhancement of orgasms through intercourse, oral sex or masturbation. Can cause involuntary discharge of semen without orgasm (see “cock milking”, in which this is the primary goal). May cause some discomfort, especially at first, but can result in intense pleasure; a substitute in men for the female ability to experience repeated or extended orgasms. Caution: Prolonged or rough treatment of the prostate can cause long-lasting symptoms of pain, swelling, and difficult or painful urination, especially if the subject is already prone to prostate problems. As with any anal play, the tissues of the anus and rectum must be treated with caution. Rubber gloves and plenty of lubrication should be used; for “toys”, a condom is a good idea.

Protector: Someone who acts as a “screener” for a submissive, generally screening and evaluating prospective Dominants for suitability and recommending that safe practices are followed if they should come to the point of physically meeting. The specifics of a Protector/sub relationship vary, according to the needs and wishes of those involved, and are negotiated, in a process similar to, but much less complex than, the negotiations that take place between “D-types” and “s-types”. (If one is “under Protection”, messaging the Protector for approval to contact the submissive is generally expected and failure to do so is generally grounds for refusing to interact with the person who does so, often enforced by blocking such people.)protocol: A formalized set of rules controlling the interaction between Dominants and submissives. This can be at any level. (1) In an individual relationship, a Dominant usually dictates certain rules for given situations, such as forms of address in speech or writing, when to kneel, what to ask permission for, and how to behave online, in public or with lifestyle friends, as just a few examples. There may be different levels of protocol; for example, when wearing the Collar, the submissive may be expected to behave in a more ritualistic fashion (sometimes referred to as “high protocol”). The rules may be more relaxed, or “low protocol”, when the couple is interacting in casual, everyday mode. (2) A BDSM group or club may establish a protocol for interaction between its members; for example, how a submissive addresses another Dominant, how a Dom may interact with an unattached sub, etc. (3) Various sectors of the BDSM community, for example the leather community orGoreans, may have very detailed and explicit “high protocol” rules for interaction between its members.

psycholagny: a sexual term that refers to the ability to reach or achieve orgasm without any physical stimulation of the genitalia, usually achieved through mental stimulation or fantasy alone. Also referred to as a “psychic orgasm”.

psychological bondage (also mental bondage): Being forced to remain in a position by orders of the Dominant.pudenda (plural; pudendum singular): The external genitals; usually the femalegenitals. Note: Derived from a latin term meaning “parts of shame”, this word goes to show how the female sex organs were regarded during the baroque era, when this word came into use, and up to the 1950s or so, when it was still in common use, at least in the medical professions. “Pudenda… ick… unclean!”

punishment: a penalty inflicted for an offense, fault, etc. Usually to correct behaviour.

pup-play or puppy play: See pet play.

“push a limit” (see consent, hard limit, soft limit, red flags): To cautiously explore the nature of a submissive’s limit, either to challenge her or to encourage her to do something she is reluctant to do, but which her Dominant desires.

Q

queening (also face sitting): Practice in which one partner sits on or over the other’s face, typically to allow, or force, oral-genital or oral-anal contact.queening stool/seat/bench: A low stool with a hole or space in the center, designed to facilitate facesitting.

questionnaire: See submissive survey.

quirt: A type of whip with two or (occasionally) three short lashes affixed to a long, thin handle.

R

rack: Furniture to which the victim is bound by wrists and ankles; the ropes are tightened, stretching the body painfully. (Historically, this was often continued until arms and legs were pulled out of joint. Hopefully, nobody carries it that far these days….) (Not to be confused with RACK , an acronym also found below as Risk-Aware Consensual Kink.)

rape play: Scenario in which the bottom is forced to have sex (usually receiving intercourse or anal penetration). Also see takedown.

ravishment: See rape play above.

red flags: Behaviors in a prospective BDSM partner that indicate the person may be prone to abusive or undesirable behavior.

resistance play: Any mutually consensual activity in which one person struggles against another and is subdued by “force.” May involve rape play; some forms of bondage include resistance as well.

reverse humiliation: (see anti-humiliation): Saying and doing nice things in a way that opens up the subject emotionally, often causing tears and and emotional breakdown.

reward (see discipline, punishment): Positive reinforcement for the purpose of modifying the subject’s behavior. May be anything from a favored BDSM activity (sensual spanking, orgasm) to a tossed m&m or jelly bean, to a whispered “goooood slave!”

rimming: Licking or inserting the tongue into another’s anus.

ring gag: A type of gag consisting of a metal ring, often padded with leather, which is placed in the mouth in such a way as to hold the mouth open. A strap secures it in place.

Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) (compare with Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC)): A standard of conduct for the healthy enjoyment of BDSM participants; similar to SSC, but acknowledges that there are always risks in any kind of activity which must be understood and accepted.

role play: Scene in which one or more participants assumes the role of a character (e. g.: police, secret agent, superhero, historical figure, character from book or movie, vampire, wolf, etc). May include costume play as an enhancement.

Roman showers: Vomiting on another person.

rope bunny (see bunny): usually a demo model for rope work, such as shibari, Japanese rope bondage.

rules: see protocol.

S

sadism: Taking pleasure in inflicting pain and/or humiliation upon others, or observing others being hurt (see sadist above).

sadist: A person who enjoys inflicting pain and/or humiliation on another, or observing others being hurt or humiliated, either for power and control or for sexual arousal.

sadomasochism: An activity or practice involving the inflicting or receiving of pain and/or humiliation. (Also see sadist, masochist.)

Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) (also see RACK): A standard of conduct for the healthy enjoyment of BDSM participants; similar to RACK, but with an emphasis on making any activity as “safe” and “sane” as possible.

safecall: A prearranged call to advise a friend that you are okay; especially useful in “first meeting” situations (see safe meeting practices below).

safe meeting practices: Common-sense precautions to be used when physically meeting someone for the first time. Traditionally, they are for the safety and reassurance of the submissive, although Dominants should also be somewhat cautious. Practices include meeting in a public place, and having an observer present or setting up safecalls. (Note: also a good idea in the “vanilla” world!)

safeword, safe word, safety word, safe signal (see “out”): A predesignated word or nonverbal cue used to stop or slow down a BDSM scene. [Discussion coming soon]

Saint Andrew’s Cross: (see St. Andrew’s Cross)

sapiosexuality: The attraction to or arousal by intelligence and its use.

scat play: Play involving the handling of feces.

scene: 1. A period of time devoted to BDSM activity (also session, play (1)).

2. Of or about the BDSM community, usually capitalized (“the Scene”).

scent play: Smelling the areas that emit scents, such as armpits, anus, vulva, and scrotum. This may be for enjoyment/arousal, or for humiliation play.

self bondage: The act or practice of tying one’s self up or otherwise restraining oneself, sometimes as a part of masturbation. Includes some mechanism by which the person may be freed, which may include a timer mechanism to release a key or otherwise release the person. Should be considered edge play and inherently dangerous.

sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push the subject’s sensory limits, using light touch, heat/cold, objects of different textures, etc. Often in conjunction with sensory deprivation.

sensory deprivation: Use of various objects such as blindfolds, ear plugs, etc. to deprive the subject of one or more senses. The intent may be to enhance other senses, such as touch (see sensation play), or to cause insecurity. Often used as an exercise in pushing limits or fostering increased trust.

service: Acts, chores, or labor, sexual or otherwise, performed by a sub for the benefit of a Dom.

service-oriented: A person who enjoys performing a service, which may be sexual or nonsexual, BDSM related or not. This can refer to anyone from Top (as in service Top) to slave; the common element is that the person gains satisfaction from doing a service for another. Also see doormat.

service Top (see Top): A Top whose focus is on giving a bottom what s/he desires.

session: (see scene)

sexting: The use of a cell phone to send suggestive or sexual text messages.

shibari: A Western name for Kinbaku, a type of bondage originating in Japan and characterized by extremely elaborate and intricate patterns of rope, often used both to restrain the subject and to stimulate the subject by binding or compressing the breasts and/or genitals. The aesthetics of the bondage are considered to be a very important element of this form of bondage.

signal whip: A type of small singletail, usually three to four feet in length, lacking the rigid handle of a bull whip. Different from a snake whip in that the cracker (popper) is braided into the thong of the whip.

singletail: Any of a class of whips having a single lash; most commonly applied to bullwhips and signal whips. Singletail whips require skill and training to use properly, and are not easy to master.

sissy: Has many definitions. Simplified (and limited), a male sub who uses feminization (dressed as a “girl” or naked), often to reach a different emotional or mental state.

sjambok: Heavy leather whip of South Africa, traditionally made from hippopotamus or rhinoceros hide, or from the penis of either species. The sjambok has a variety of uses, with the most obvious being cattle driving; the South African Police Service uses it for riot control.

slapper: A paddle with two pieces of leather that make a loud “popping” sound when used.

slave auction: See auction. An event in which submissives are “sold” to the highest bidder, usually for a limited time, and with prearranged conditions.

slave positions: Primarily used for Gorean or high protocol, these are formalized positions, names and sometimes signals that slaves are expected to assume when their Masters or Mistresses uses that name or signal. Other than the set from the Gor novels, every household or top will have their own list. They serve various uses, from practical, humiliation, sexual, play, punishment, or comfort. There may be only a few, or more than 3 dozen See also Gorean slave Positions.

sleepsack: Bondage device similar to a sleeping bag or body bag. Usually very confining; often has straps for added restriction. Caution: may induce claustrophobia!

slut: A term used variously in centuries previous (see Wiki), currently used as 1) in mainstream society, an insult implying a woman is sexually promiscuous; 2) in the BDSM community, a humiliation word for arousal (either gender); 3) people who take the courage to lead their lives on the concept that “sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.” (The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.)

smart-ass masochist (SAM); smart-ass subbie (SAS) (see bratty, pushy): submissive who exhibits bad behavior (such as sarcasm, talking back, or disobedience), either because his/her Dominant enjoys it or to get attention.

snake whip: A type of small singletail; does not have the rigid handle of a bull whip. Different from a signal whip in that a snake whip has the cracker attached to a fall.

snakebite kit (sensation or torture play): The kit comes with rubber suction bulbs which are capable of exerting a high amount of suction. Can be used on sensitive areas such as armpits, nipples, genitals.

snowballing: The act of of kissing another person with a mouth full of cum and transferring it to them.

sockpuppet (account) A second account or ID on a social site set up for the purpose of doing something you don’t want connected to your “main” ID. *Example: a second Facebook account set up to express the kinky interests you don’t want your family, friends, or co-workers to know about… more often, an account set up for the purpose of causing trouble online.

soft limit: A limit which is not necessarily set in stone. It may be flexible, may be pushed or may change over time and/or with experience or knowledge of that type of play.

sound: A smooth rod, usually metal, for insertion in the urinary passage; comes in a set of graduated sizes. Medically used for expanding the urethra in cases of genital defect, or damage resulting from illness or injury. In BDSM, used forurethral play.

spanko: Person who enjoys spanking others. There is a whole spanko culture, separate and different from the BDSM culture. Texas, circa 2014, an increasing overlap is causing clashes, because much of spanko culture is based on sub hetero-normative white cis women being spanked because they are “naughty” exclusive of most of the excuses, fetishes, reasons, roles or motivations used in the BDSM community.

sploshing: The use of copious amounts of food (whipped cream, pudding, Dinty Moore’s beef stew, etc.)

spotter: A person who monitors the safety of a bottom/submissive during a scene, most commonly scenes that involve complex bondage, particularly suspension scenes.

squick: An expression of discomfort or revulsion in response to something. (Example – That picture made me say “squick!”. (DeFUNition: Supposedly, this word was invented to resemble “the sound produced when a Dominant has intercourse with the submissive’s brain.”)

St. Andrew’s Cross: A popular type of bondage furniture consisting of an X-shaped cross, equipped with restraint attachment points.

stone: a woman (or man) who does not wish to be touched genitally.

strap: A tool of impact play/punishment. Usually consists of one or two long leather strips attached to a handle.

Strapping Orgasm: An orgasm that is achieved by an individual that is using a strap-on on someone else whether oraly, vaginally or anally.

sub drop (see aftercare): An emotional condition following intense BDSM play. May experience a wide range of emotions from weepy to clingy to angry to lost and more. This can happen immediately after play or many hours later, making diagnosis difficult. It can last for a few hours or days. It can often be prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.

”sub frenzy”: A very strong, sometimes overwhelming, desire to find a Dominant partner or to become immersed in BDSM-related activities. Sometimes seen in people who identify strongly as submissive, particularly those who have either newly discovered their submissive side or who have not partaken in BDSM-related activities for a long time. People in the grip of “sub frenzy” may make unwise or unsafe choices.

submissive: Person who desires to give up control of themselves, or of certain aspects of their lives, to a Dominant partner. There are as many “styles” of submissiveness as there are submissives. Some may submit only occasionally (as in bottom); others may yearn to submit all of themselves (as in slave).

submissive survey/questionnaire: See checklist.

subspace (see aftercare, “floating”, sub drop): A “natural high” that a bottom may experience during an intense physical or emotional. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that the Dominant takes responsibility for the submissive and care for their well-being while they are in subspace. Subspace can vary widely between submissives and in any sub’s reaction to a given “scene”. The degree and length of “floating” can be used to gauge how strongly s/he was affected by the “scene”.

survey: See checklist.

suspension: Bondage (usually rope) in which the submissive’s weight is totally or partially suspended. Often considered an art form, and can take hours to construct.

suture play: The practice of temporarily suturing or sewing parts of the body, particularly the genitals, for sexual gratification. Forms of suturing include sewing the labia closed and sewing the foreskin of the flaccid penis to the scrotum.

swinger: Someone in a committed relationship who swaps partners for sex.

T

takedown: Scenario in which the bottom is forcibly restrained. This is often the case in the initiation of forcible play such as rape play or abduction/kidnapping play. Being given “permission” to struggle as if fighting for his/her life can tremendously enhance the experience for the submissive; an element of surprise can make it even more intense. Safety: This can be dangerous, especially if the “surprise” element is involved. It is important to discuss, perhaps even rehearse, the scenario to reduce the chance of injury. A safewordshould be in place in order to let the other party know if one is hurt or “freaking out”.

taken in hand (TIH): A monogamous, heterosexual relationship which is male-led, and in which the female defers in matters of everyday life, as well as sexually, to her partner. Similarities in Christian domestic discipline (CDD) and various “era” style relationships (1950s, ‘60s, etc)

tawse or slapper: A paddle with two pieces of leather that make a loud “popping” sound when used.

tease and denial: Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also orgasm denial).

TENS unit: A device which applies electrical currents through pads affixed to the skin. Commonly used in the medical community to relieve pain by blocking the transmission of pain impulses through the nerves. Stands for “transconductance electrical nerve stimulation.”

The Next Generation (TNG): A nationwide coalition of BDSM clubs intended to target the 18-35 age group. (While their goal is to make D/s more accessible to younger practitioners, some feel that their intent is to protect “their” young submissives from “poaching” by older Dominants.)

tit torture: see breast torture, nipple torture.

toilet: (see toilet play) A bottom who wishes to be used for toilet-related activities.

toilet play; toilet training, toileting: Play or discipline having to do with the submissive’s elimination of bodily wastes. (DeFUNition: May or may not involve an actual toilet). Also see bladder control

Top drop: A sudden, abrupt feeling of depression, unhappiness, or similar negative emotion in a Dominant or Top which may occur after a period of BDSM activity. Some Tops experience it regularly; with others, it may happen when the “scene” did not go as planned, or goes counter to the Top’s ingrained beliefs, either immediately or even days later, and often lessened or prevented byaftercare. (Also see sub drop, domdrop, aftercare)

Topping from the bottom (TFTB) or Topping from below / beneath: A submissive or bottom who attempts to manipulate the Top, in an attempt to gain attention or to have his/her own needs met; for example, intentionally misbehaving to draw punishment. (This is generally considered to be extremelynegative behavior. However, in some relationships, a certain amount of”pushiness” or ”brattiness” is tolerated and enjoyed.)

torture; torture play: (1) Sadistic pain inducement on various areas of the body, often to the point of leaving temporary or permanent marks or scars. (2) “Scene” in which torture scenarios are enacted (examples: dungeon, prison, “captive spy”, etc).

total power exchange (TPE): (see 24/7) A high level of D/s practice, striving for living in a D/s context as much as possible. The Dominant has complete and total power over the submissive’s life. Some TPE relationships do not recognize contracts, safewords, or limits.

toy (see objectification): One who is treated and used, not like a person but like a toy; sex toy, play toy, dog toy, fuck toy.

training: (1) Instruction by a more experienced member of the community in various aspects of BDSM (see Mentoring). (2) Education and discipline of a submissive. May refer to the entire program a Dominant employs to condition his/her submissive; or to individual disciplines, such as pony training, toilet training, etc.

transgender: A person who lives (full-time or only under certain circumstances) as the opposite gender from which they were born. May or may not have had chemical treatments or surgery. Not necessarily an indication of their sexual partner preference.

transsexual: A person who has strong desires to become the opposite of their birth sex. They may undergo chemical treatments or surgery to change their appearance. Not necessarily an indication of their sexual partner preference.

transvestite: A person who dresses and/or behaves in a manner traditionally associated with the opposite sex. Not necessarily an indication of their sexual partner preference.

tribadism, tribbing: Act of two women rubbing their vulvas together. Slang: clam jousting, scissoring, clit-clatting, touchin’ tacos, mashin’ cookies, bumpin’ donuts, gash mashing.

tribbing: see tribadism above.

triskelion: The more or less universally recognized symbol of BDSM.

troll (see wannabe): A person who uses online resources, primarily as a source for prospective partners. May pretend they are experienced in BDSM when they are not.

twoo, twue: A derogatory term for those that believe there is one ‘true’ way to do things, the kind of people that will say you are not a true submissive if you do not immediately fall at their feet, or you are not a true dom if you don’t chase them around with a whip 24/7.

U

under consideration (for more, see consideration): Consideration is when the person receiving/having power is still considering or deciding whether to accept the lesser-power partner to a closer, more important, or more responsible (etc.) position or relationship: slave, 24/7 or collaring are common.

unicorn: “The elusive, mythical creature that is a bi-female willing to join a couple for the perfect MFF (male/female/female) threesome.” also someone whom you have fantasized having such perfect exquisite sex with SO much that the reality will never live up to your expectations.

uniform play: Role play in which the wearing of uniforms, such as military or medical uniforms, is a significant part of the role play.

urethral play: Play involving the urinary passage. Commonly uses sounds orcatheters. Caution: the urethra and bladder are extremely prone to damage and infection. Women are especially prone to infection, as the urethra is only a few inches long, and contamination can more easily enter the bladder. A person should void their bladder as forcefully as possible immediately after urethral play, as urine will help to flush out contaminants.

urethral sound A smooth rod, usually metal, for insertion in the urinary passage; comes in a set of graduated sizes. Medically used for expanding the urethra in cases of genital defect, or damage resulting from illness or injury. In BDSM, used for urethral play.

V

vacuum bed: A bondage device composed of a latex envelope spanned by a frame. A suction pump removes most of the air in the envelope. The person inside the envelope breathes through a tube.

vampire gloves: Gloves used for sensation play which have a large number of short spikes or needles protruding from the palms and/or fingers.

vanilla: 1. Person who is not in the BDSM/fetish lifestyle. 2. Anything not involving kinky activities (example: “…my vanilla job”). 3. Behavior which does not encompass kink activity (for example: a D/s couple may have “vanilla” sex).

violet wand: A device used for electrical play consisting of a handle, which contains a high-voltage coil called an “Oudin coil,” and several interchangeable electrodes, most commonly made of glass and filled with a gas which glows a brilliant purple in the presence of an electrical field. When used, it causes a static electricity type discharge which can be quite intense, and is accompanied by an impressive flickering light.

voice play: Play in which the top uses tone and volume of the voice as well as specific words to induce specific feelings in the bottom. e.g. whispering close to the ear to make them shiver.

voyeurism: Witnessing others’ sexual play, or innocent activity such as undressing. Often provides the person watching with sexual arousal. May occur without the knowledge or consent of one or more of the parties involved.

W

wannabe: A derogatory term, often applied to a Dom, but sometimes a sub. (1) One who claims to be knowledgeable and experienced in BDSM, but is not. (2) A person who ignores accepted BDSM practices, particularly in the area of SSC. (3) A troll who is posing as a Dom or sub in the hope of picking up dates. In either case, this person can be dangerous, and should be avoided.

Wartenberg pinwheel: A small implement consisting of a short handle to which is affixed a small wheel with a number of sharp needle-like projections around its outer edge. Used by neurologists to test nerve function in the skin and by people in the BDSM community for sensation play.

waterboarding: Is a form of torture that consists of immobilizing the victim on his or her back with the head inclined downwards, and then pouring water over the face. Through forced suffocation and inhalation of water, the subject experiences a sensation akin to drowning. Psychological edge play.

Watersports: any play that involves urination, usually involving one person urinating on another for sexual gratification. Sometimes referred to as a Golden Shower.

wax play: The top drips hot wax on the bottom. (See “fire and ice“) Safety note:It is important what kind of candle is used, as some have a much higher melting temperature than others, and can cause second-degree burns (blisters). Plain paraffin is best; for example, most ’emergency’ candles (which are also quite cheap). Scented, colored, “long burning”, “dripless” and beeswax candles can burn very hot.

White Knight: A Dominant who has a desire to “rescue” “‘damsels’ in distress”; submissives who have serious emotional problems, usually caused by traumatic experiences such as an abusive childhood, relationship, or rape. While the White Knight’s motives are certainly commendable, often such problems are too serious to be dealt with by a well-meaning partner. Good motives could be (or become) codependent behaviours, harming the White Knight and enabling, rather than helping, his or her partners.

wooden horse: An implement consisting of a wooden plank supported edgewise between two upright fixed posts, or of two sheets of wood coming together at a sharp angle, to which a submissive is bound with her legs off the floor. The goal is to place pressure on the genitals, and/or to position her for activities such as impact play or penetration.

worship (cock/pussy/strap-on): Play in which the bottom worships the cock, pussy or strap on. This often involves oral stimulation, but can be done gagged. Think caressing and nuzzling.

Y

yoni: Hindu/tantric term for the vagina; used in the Kama Sutra. Male equivalent: lingam. (DeFUNition: Employed by writers who want to give an appearance of being mystical or intellectually superior <grin>).

Z

zapper: A red stick, sort of like a very low-level cattle prod. It appears to cause about as much pain as those fly zappers that look like tennis rackets.

zipper: An arrangement of clothespins or spring clamps tied along a length of cord or twine, which can be placed on the body and then yanked off one by one or all at once.

zoophilia: Sexual arousal from viewing or interacting with animals; may not involve actual genital contact or intercourse with the animal (bestiality).