Before starting this article, I wish to add the disclaimer that I do not, under any circumstance, endorse the cruel manipulation of people’s emotions. I am solely a neuroscientist who is fascinated by the drastic ways that the actions and thoughts of those around us can be altered.

Though Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorder individuals employ strategies like this on a regular basis, psychological manipulation is also commonplace amongst people of regular neural makeups. We are constantly being manipulated even if blissfully unaware of it; many of your friends, family members and coworkers will be altering their words and attitudes in order to intentionally affect your perception of them. Keep reading to discover five fault-proof (and I truly mean this!) tricks to hack the subconscious minds of others and transform your life into a magical, abundant playground of opportunities.

1. Use Clever Anectodes To Plant Thoughts In Their Minds

If you want to change someone’s perception of you, an eerily effective psychological trick is to feed them some carefully-curated anecdotes that feature you in different situations. This is particularly effective when you do possess the positive traits that you want to convey to a certain extent, but not fully.

For example, imagine that you have just moved into a new flatshare and find that the flat is poorly-kept; you want to come across as especially warm and generous, in order to subconsciously guilt-trip your flatmates into buying their own soap, garbage bags and cleaning up after themselves.

When you all first go for drinks and they ask you about your old living situation, you can tell them genuine details about the flat, the owner and the friends that you made, but fabricate a little. Stressing that you got on well with the majority of the people you lived with, invent a little side-story about one particular ‘difficult flatmate’ who unfortunately proved to be a huge problem due to his tendency to leave dirty plates and mess in the kitchen and steal food. Add that you “have no issue with someone using your food”, and that “if anyone asks, you’ll happily hand half of what you have over”, but that you just expect a layer of mutual respect.

This will certainly have the group agreeing with you, chipping in with the own contributions and applauding your ability to deal with some a nightmare individual. If you tell this story with charisma, and at a point in the conversation when they are already warming to you and opening up, they will also start to consider their own less-than-desirable habits and will make a mental note to alter their own behavior out of sheer embarrassment. This works equally well in professional and romantic settings; no one wants to fulfill the role of the archetypal ‘problem roommate/coworker/partner’ who has just been described comically and pejoratively. Even those who are very set in their ways will not be able to resist the ingenious anecdote trick.

Angelina Jolie in Girl Interrupted (1999), playing an avid and skilled manipulator.

2. Empathize and Enter Their Mental Space

It goes without saying that only shrewd, emotionally intelligent people are capable of altering the perceptions of those around them. Equally undeniable is the fact that, in order to be receptive to your psychological manipulation, someone has to like you to a certain extent.

The single most effective way to foster the illusion of trust and generate warm feelings in another person is to slip right into their mental space and provide them with the attention that they want. You see, everyone travels through life full to the brim of emotional debris that they desire, deep down, to offload onto someone capable of a). giving them their unwavering attention, b). truly understanding their situation (i.e. someone with an analytical mind) and c). offering thoughtful advice.

For example, let’s imagine that you are working on a project with an extremely difficult and neurotic coworker, and you desire nothing more than for them to get off your back and stop ordering you around. You are probably used to going round in toxic circles with such people, that look a little like this: 1). they bark an unjustified order at you, 2). you feel resentment rising but try to avoid saying something sharp or complaining, 3). you contemplate speaking up but 4). decide to just ignore them and finish the day fuming with anger.

Next time, when this same coworker seems on the verge of pulling the ‘control freak’ stunt, immediately mentally freeze and remember that there is a hurting, out-of-control person behind the act. Instead of allowing hatred to spiral, think about something that is currently bothering this person (aside from you!). With flawless, natural execution and a wonderfully empathetic demeanor, ask them how they are feeling about said issue and cleverly mirror whatever opinion they are venting to you.

This can be done very well and subtly; if you know that they believe they are being treated badly by your boss, ask them if they’ve managed to make any progress regarding that issue. Nine times out of ten, they will be filled with an odd sense of relief that someone has asked, and will be urged to spill their heart out to you, all the while relaxing and no longer seeing you as the enemy. I used this on a nightmare coworker with incredible success; she quite literally went from micromanaging my every move to telling me how grateful she was that she could vent to me.

3. Figure Out What Unhealed Psychological Wounds They Carry

If you can elucidate someone’s disposition and learn to provide them with exactly what they subconsciously crave, you will never run into an issue with them again as they will be like putty in your fingers. The vast majority of people are not capable of reading those in their lives well enough to enter a zone of shared energy with them. However, if you can master this, you will realize that anyone you interact with can be moved like a pawn on a chessboard; you can truly get whatever you want from someone if you provide them with relief from their unhealed psychological wounds.

Unless borderline sociopathic, they will be averse to treating you badly because to do so would now be embarrassing; you have taken the time to truly understand them, and have provided them with some quality companionship; to bite the hand that feeds you is a). embarrassing, b). disrespectful and (most importantly) c). leaves you extremely vulnerable to that same person turning around and sharing your weaknesses and worries with others.

Let’s cut to the chase; how, exactly, can you start to get insight on what makes someone tick when you are somewhat professionally removed from them, or if they are inlaws who have taken an immediate disliking to you? This, alongside all other tricks mentioned in this article, will indeed require a decent dose of emotional shrewdness, but the fact that you are interested in influencing the opinions of others suggests that you do have the dexterity that it takes.

Through considering someone’s disposition (cold, clingy, needy, aloof, conscientious), work habits, social inclinations and romantic partners, a clear image of their points of psychological weakness can be painted. These will be things a). that they look for in others to balance them and b). things that transform them into the best, most relaxed and inspired form of themself.

Here’s an example: imagine your cold, narcissistic boss talks dismissively about his wife yet seems elated and exuberant when he (rarely) drinks and socializes with the team. This does not only suggest but reveals that he is often disappointed by and bored by others, requiring a high degree of social stimulation to feel invigorated and carefree. It just so happens that you want him to be in this very state; no one will ever get in your way or antagonize you if they are in their element after speaking to you.

If you can learn to relate to this boss in a more friendly, jocular way every once in a while and provide him with some narcissistic supply (let him talk about his travels, his house.. all while you keep a bouncy conversation going) he will subconsciously value you immensely over anyone else. You will walk through the work environment clad in an invisible gold suit, and will be exempt from a lot of his scrutiny. His limbic brain and dopaminergic reward system will crave your refreshing presence, and it will be very difficult for him to fire you. As long as you are not a fraud and do genuinely work hard, picking appropriate moments to connect with him more informally, none of this will pass through his conscious mind or appear manipulative.

If you master the use of these psychological techniques, you will slip through life manifesting limitless professional, social and romantic opportunities; people will move earth and heaven to keep you and your powerful aura around. Source.

4. Occasionally Be Extra Warm and Selfless

If you are interested in psychology, you will probably be aware of the concept intermittent reinforcement; any reward that is given sporadically and unpredictably is much more attractive than the same thing offered freely. Whether humans are offered presents, caffeine, affection from a loved one or compliments, their level of excitement and gratification will be significantly higher when such ‘hits’ arrive randomly. Instead of such an erratic reward pattern generating boredom, clinical studies reliably show that they induce rumination (i.e. intrusive thoughts about when the next ‘dose’ will come). Just think back to your childhood; the relative who gave you attention and chocolates randomly but spent a lot of time traveling seemed a lot more ‘cool’ than others who were always present and affectionate, right?

Often associated with narcissists and sociopaths, intermittent reward can be utilized cruelly to generate addiction in others and render them obsessed with you. However, this psychological hack is also incredibly useful when wanting to influence people in softer ways, since it will reliably make someone respect you and hold you in high regard.

Absolutely no one is immune to the allure of well-employed intermittent reinforcement, no matter how discerning or proud they are. An unfortunate truth is that people who are constantly present, helpful and diligent are normally far less attractive and even ingratiating than those who are less predictable and a little capricious. Of course, you must generally work hard and present with a good attitude, but you will go very far in life (professionally, socially and romantically) if you can master switching between a neutral stance and a “I’m in a high, elevated mood and ready to help you with whatever you want!” stance. Occasionally offer to work longer hours, do chores for your boss/coworkers or clean the entire house for your partner, perhaps every two weeks.

Not only will this lead to the illusion (unfairly, perhaps!) that you are permanently selfless and warm, but their dopaminergic reward circuits will be stimulated by you and you will be an exciting presence. Their desire to help you, keep you around and gain your respect will skyrocket.

Sarah Bahbah’s photography: source.

5. Never Complain Unless Entirely Necessary

There is nothing more frustrating than working or existing alongside someone who shirks all responsibilities and is glaringly opposed to lifting a finger. However, alarmingly, many people come across as lazy and unmotivated even when they work fairly well. Why? They complain often, and consequentially radiate a negative and unobliging aura.

Many people consider mutual complaining a form of bonding; once you start to feel at home with a group of people, you might find it easier to relate to them and foster the relationship through targeting shared points of annoyance and hatred. However, not only is this a cop-out (since talking about passions and side-interests can leave you feeling more vulnerable), but it will also jeopardize your life in many ways.

If you frequently complain to friends or in the workplace, you will never be able to manipulate or influence the thoughts and perceptions of those same people. In order to do so, you need them to subconsciously consider you superior, a state which encompasses mental strength, resilience and keen drive for success.

How can this be practically implemented, to prime others for your psychological persuasion? Next time you notice the opportunity to complain, focus on your energy before speaking and say something positive. This will only sound forced if you do not, in the slightest, believe what you are saying. The key is to consider topics multifaceted, with positive and negative sides, and become accustomed to leaning into the more upbeat viewpoint as far as you can do so naturally.

For example, if you have just arrived back at work after a terrible flu and everyone is asking you if you are okay, touch on the fact that you were very ill but laugh it off. Instead of falling into the trap of sharing your back luck with others and talking about a similar bout of illness that you had last year, say that you’re feeling great now and are more appreciative of your ability to eat and exercise normally.

Aligned with the concept of intermittent reward, complaining very rarely will render you far more powerful, interesting, and a refreshing presence. People will be stunned and subconsciously consider you elite and ‘different’ to them, possessing a coveted and rare personality. This charisma and flair sets you up perfectly to influence the perceptions that others hold about you, and will allow you to push their limits a little.