BOOSH - 2009-07-10

"Thanks For voting! You tipped the scales"



:D



FeeFiFoFoTheFifeFifeBrown - 2009-07-10

I had no idea this site still existed.



theSnake - 2009-07-10

Oh yes. It exists, and its even worse than you imagine. Studios now grease Harry Knowles, and his reviews of terrible movies now hinge on how many trips to the craft service table he gets.



revdrew - 2009-07-10

He supposedly had lap band surgery a little over a year ago. How the hell is even possible for him to still be that fat?



OxygenThief - 2010-11-26

- 2010-11-26 He absorbs plankton through osmosis.



teethsalad - 2009-07-10

you don't have to walk when you're the king of the beard-o's



Toenails - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 BOOSH almost... ALMOST got my stars for his comment.



But I think we can agree who the real winner is here.



spikestoyiu - 2009-07-10

Consistently the most awful movie reviews on the Internet.



Dicknuts - 2009-07-10

The body is merely the vessel of the beard.



kwash - 2010-03-22

- 2010-03-22 Thanks for the tattoo idea.



Dr Dim - 2009-07-10

Is he fat from being in a wheelchair or in a wheelchair because he's fat?



fluffy - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 Fat begets fat, like a never-ending ouroboros of lard.





- 2009-07-10 Who is he?





Smellvin - 2009-07-10 He's moving his legs, so I'm going to go with fatty in a chair rather than a person in a chair who got fat.





fluffy - 2009-07-10 FYI, I did not post that "who is he?" comment. I think someone got banned and their username got redacted. Unlike that idiot, I can actually read a video's description.



Hugo Gorilla - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 He probably has to keep off his feet because of diabetes.



The Townleybomb - 2009-07-10

heh. a classic fatty wheelchair.



hornung - 2009-07-10

was he the one that reviewed batman like it was a blowjob?



RomancingTrain - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 That was Blade 2.

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=11793



socialist_hentai - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 oh god, I'm gonna puke now... the fuck... for fuck god sakes that was the most disgusting thing ever, especially knowing that it was written by 2 wheel drive fatty up there... god fucking damn it.



Dutch Oven Fresh Pie - 2009-07-10

That was a pretty awesome move with the left turn spin. He could've dislocated his arm.



voodoo_pork - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 He has no bones, just a gelatinous mass of digested Hot Pockets.



HURF BLURF DUH - 2010-01-26

- 2010-01-26 Which is really ironic because he loved WALL*E



delicatessen - 2009-07-10

If he just shaved he wouldn't need the wheelchair anymore.



Rafiki - 2009-07-10

Once again, I would like to draw everyone's attention to Harry Knowles' Blade 2 review:



http://www.aintitcool.com/node/11793



Now that you know what he looks like, just keep a mental image of him in your mind as you read this.



mashedtater - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 FUCK YOU FOR LINKING THAT! i dont need to read that and imagine that while drinking.



good god, i have to puke now.





mashedtater - 2009-07-10 im sorry. im sorry i yelled. its just ...well i got to the " BLADE 2 is the tongue, mouth, fingers and lips of a lover. The Audience is the clit. Watch your audience."



its like a paragraph in but its terrible.



allcaps - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 Ah screw you guys. Blade 2 was awesome. You're just jealous because Knowles is 1000% more INTERNET than you'll eeeever be. He's so swollen with Internet that he needs a rag on a stick just to scrape it outta his holes.





allcaps - 2009-07-10 Okay, sorry... I thought we were laughing at Blade 2. I read the link. Now I understand.



Now,



I understand.





Dutch Oven Fresh Pie - 2009-07-10 You're supposed to imagine Guillermo del Toro doing that, but from the looks of his picture, he is very fat as well.





theSnake - 2009-07-10 Check out the comments section. There is a comment dated 5 years after the review was written by Harry Knowles himself:



"Guillermo Del Toro's Reapers were inspired by Guillermo's vision of a Vagina Dentata - and the girl I was seeing at the time I saw this film... that night - after the screening we had sex in her car behind the State Capital - and came home - Guillermo's post film commentary on stage was utterly filthy - and she dared me to write a review filthier than his. Before she went to bed with me that night - I ate her to a few orgasms - and she went to sleep behind me.



As she slept - I wrote this review. I'm so glad so many of you loved this review, or hated it enough to bring it up again. My fiancee hadn't read this till today - and boy did it inspire the fire. Thanks buddies."





Rafiki - 2009-07-10 "after the screening we had sex in her car"



Was she driving a camper?





Grace Mugabe - 2009-07-10 "Guillermo Del Toro's Reapers were inspired by Guillermo's vision of a Vagina Dentata - and the girl I was seeing at the time I saw this film."





mashedtater - 2009-07-10 i think she was driving a truck with a horse trailer behind it.



Ponasty - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 Just to prove how Internet Knowles is. I worked for Earthlink back in 99-00 and they ran an ad campaign that had posters and billboards of internet "icon" of the time and they had a Aint it cool with the beard on it. these stars are not for the video but for the comment that led me to the Blade 2 review. fuck all of you for that.



thebaronsdoctor - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 Well, that managed to taint every film Del Torro has ever made. Thank you fatty McFatfatbeard.



I'm going to go laugh until I puke.





mashedtater - 2009-07-11 "I ate her to a few orgasms"



yeah, that sentence is four words too long.



Camonk - 2009-08-16

- 2009-08-16 All I could think about while reading that review was how awful Blade II was. That's all that kept me sane. Jesus fucking Christ.



StanleyPain - 2009-07-10

Another reminder, this is also the guy who wrote an article on his website about how HAWT the cheerleader character in Heroes is because since her power is healing, it means that she remains a virgin no matter how many times you fuck her.



Also, he was also one of the people Ebert "tried out" for at the movies before settling on Roeper. That was a sad week.



duck&cover - 2009-07-10

I thought he was a scooter fatty, not a wheelchair fatty, because wheelchairs actually require you to exert yourself.



Anyway, fat, fat, fat.



sosage - 2009-07-10

His caricature makes him look...skinnier?!?!?



Joey The Cobra - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 It also makes him look like he has a real beard, not the ultimate neckbeard.



Goethe and ernie - 2009-07-10

Five stars for the BBW personals ad at the top of the page.



zatojones - 2009-07-10

I used to read Ain't It Cool News back in the mid 90s when Knowles ran it as a hobby apart from his business of selling nerdy movie memorabilia at conventions. As the site become more popular it was actually possible to see him fall in love with himself. When he got all that attention from Joel Schumacher claiming his site was responsible for people not liking Batman & Robin his ego swelled greatly. When he got to be in The Faculty it exploded. He just couldn't stop talking about all his new bestest Hollywood buddies like Elijah Wood and Robert Rodriguez (then both pretty minor celebrities) and how The Faculty was gonna be so wicked awesome (it wasn't). I sort of stopped reading after that, although I'm sort of curious if his peripheral and fleeting relationship with Wood continued to be mentioned after Lord of the Rings came out. I can easily see him dropping that name on his cadre of nerds for some easy megacred.



Rodents of Unusual Size - 2009-07-10

I am literally crying from laughter from this.



ztc - 2009-07-10

According to the staff at the Alamo Drafthouse, during his 24-hour film marathon Knowles just pissed in his chair all day instead of going to the bathroom.



boner - 2009-07-10

Legendary



BHWW - 2009-07-10

Still a disgusting mess after all these years. Ugh, his skin.



chumbucket - 2009-07-10

all of the above comments get my 5 star but I also need to add that "best around" makes everything worth watching. Caught myself belting it out to myself around the house the other day.



thebaronsdoctor - 2009-07-10

It's like watching the Baron Harkonnen



zerobackup - 2009-08-08

- 2009-08-08 ...at least he could hover.



Hooper_X - 2009-07-10

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving.



ASubmarineSandwich - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 Is that a reference to "What Is It?"



Syd Midnight - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 "The hunger... the hunger.."



manfred - 2009-07-10

don't make fun of him, he defeated joel schumacher



cognitivedissonance - 2009-07-10

Don't be fooled. He's fully capable of self-locomotion. He's just THAT LAZY.





joelkazoo - 2009-07-14 There was a kid at my school who suffered from cerebral palsy. He was a green thumb (he went to the state fair quite a few times for his tomato plants) and required a speaking tool and was one of those people who just put you in a good mood. When he was forced into a wheelchair (he could walk, but it required an assistant with a special harness), he actively worked to keep his legs from going into entropy, and ultimately was able to get around on his own using a cane. I imagine when he sees these fatsos plugging around in their chairs and scooters, he wishes he could punch them in the face.



Rudy - 2009-07-10

They should have used "Man in Motion" by John Parr.



joelkazoo - 2009-07-23

- 2009-07-23 I was saving my stars for something! Great Idea!



Mordant - 2009-07-10

Is this where we share disgusting Harry Knowles anecdotes?



During a talk at my college he claimed he had a phone conversation with some director while the director was fucking Fiona Apple. As if anyone could maintain an erection while talking to Harry Knowles.



oswaldtheluckyrabbit - 2009-07-10

- 2009-07-10 That would be Paul Thomas Anderson of Boogie Nights/There Will Be Blood





cognitivedissonance - 2009-07-10 If ever there was a moment where Carol Channing's "RASPBERRIES!" would be appropriate, this anecdote would likely be it.



memedumpster - 2009-07-10

I had never heard of this person, but thank god I have now so I can never hear of them again. Also, Blade 2 sucked out loud in a bad way, but the making of special feature on the DVD is a great movie. Just consider the film the throwaway bonus feature on that one.



charmlessman - 2009-07-10

He gets all his exercise from the animated GIFs on his page.



Riskbreaker - 2009-07-11

I'm actually not going to comment on the poor physycal shape this man has. That would be unfair and of really bad taste.



His site? Fuck that shit, it sucks, it sucks so hard. He's the ultimate "film critic" film nerd parasite/stereotype that could would make the comic book guy from the Simpson reconsider his life.



Enjoy - 2009-07-13

Check out his photo on Wikipedia



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Knowles



There is a hair-gap between his neckbeard and chest muff.



Cleaner82 - 2009-07-21

- 2009-07-21 UUUUUGHHH



Wytze! - 2009-07-13

Commenting to be seen! Best comments of the year!





ztc - 2009-07-27

When he was young his spine was damaged by a runaway cart full of movie memorabilia, which is a bit like how Magneto got started.



Document - 2009-08-27

Ebert likes him.



:(



Sanest Man Alive - 2009-12-20

Hey, if you tipped his chair over, would he make manatee noises?



keinsignal - 2010-04-17

- 2010-04-17 I have it on pretty good authority that yes, that is exactly what happens.

