Supernatural, As Explained By Tumblr

Alright, cards on the table: guys, I have never seen an episode of Supernatural, and don’t really intend to! But, despite this, I kind of feel like I know what’s going on, because I, er, have a tumblr, and tumblr seems to enjoy Supernatural. So this is a summary of the show written by someone who has never ever seen the show, based on what information the posts I scroll past on my dash have provided me. It is not intended as a mockery of Supernatural–I do not know enough about it to mock it, and also I’m sure it’s great! My lack of watching is not because I don’t think it’d be great, only because I do not have time for another show.

SO, with further ado, let’s talk about Supernatural, a show about gay dudes fighting with angels and fucking their cars.

So! This is a Winchester brother. He is Sam Winchester, which I know because there are two Winchester brothers, and one of them is called Dean and one of them is called Sam, and the one that is played by the actor whose character was called Dean on a different show that I actually watched is not the one called Dean in this show, so he has to be Sam.

Sam is an unhappy Winchester brother. He is always making a weirdly exaggerated frowny face that makes me think he is not a human being but in fact rubber. He likes to say really obvious things like “It was night and now it is day” or “There is a key so there must be a lock,” leading me to believe for a long time that Jared Paladecki was doing some kind of children’s show that people were giffing for lulz. He hates Tuesdays, or possibly breakfast, or possibly breakfast on Tuesdays. ALSO, he’s apparently abominable. And….a moose? HE’S THE ABOMINABLE MOOSE.

This is the other Winchester brother, who must be Dean because his name was not Dean in another show that I watched. He is pretty much crying or fucking something or BATMAN all the time; sometimes, presumably, he is crying and fucking things and Batman all at once. I’ve seen him shipped with pretty much everyone–his brother, gay angels, various tumblr users, the actor that plays him–but everyone seems to conclude that he’s in love with the Impala. I’m assuming that’s the car I’m always seeing around, and also that it’s (his? her?) first name is Vlad.

This is Castiel, Dean Winchester’s gay angel boyfriend! He…ate god’s soul and puked it up and now he’s god? By the transitive powers of…soul puke? Or something? But before that he spent a lot of time following Dean around being like LOVE ME LOVE ME and not understanding modern human customs and LOVE ME LOVE ME and like, puppy dog eyes and more puppy dog eyes and apparently something about wings? He really likes that trench coat.

THIS IS CANTON EVERETT DELAWARE THE THIRD WHAT IS HE DOING ON THIS SHOW

…and one time everybody kills a teddy bear. WE HAVE NOW EXCEEDED MY UNDERSTANDING OF SUPERNATURAL. The end!