Citizen Kane, filmfucker



First of all, it really has taken me all this time to finally sit down and bother watching Citizen Kane. The reason; because everyone bangs on about it being the greatest film ever made, and I knew I’d be disappointed either way. However, I watched this film with an open mind and decided to put the reviews and opinion of this film aside.

Was I disappointed or did I jump on the bandwagon and honestly believe this was a great film? Based on the title of this article, what do you think?

It was fucking diabolical.

I’m not going to delve into too much detail about the story, because let’s face it, I’m probably the only over 30-year-old who had not seen this film up until a few weeks ago.

I would just like to clear up a few things.

First of all, the cinematography. Yes, it was amazingly filmed and you cannot doubt for one moment that this film was way ahead of it’s time. Probably too far ahead at the time of release. It shows off some crazy shit, which set the landmark of how films should be made.

Gregg Toland was the cinematographer on the film, and he deserves nothing short of legendry status for the job he done. He would’ve gone onto better things, but his life was cut short, and he died in 1948 at the age of just 44.

The second and last positive point is the acting. I can honestly say that I’ve never seen Orson Welles act before watching this film. Was I impressed? Fuck me, was I. He was absolutely different class. I don’t generally like fat people, but I like Orson. I can’t think of many other enjoyable fat people.

Does the groundbreaking cinematography and fantastic acting make one of the greatest films of all time? If the film was good, yes! Unfortunately, the film was a shambles.

The only people who like this film are fanboys who have never seen it, or the fanboys who have seen it and just want to be all-studying A-star media student by loving this film. I hate fanboys, and I hate nothing more than a wanky film fanboy who is studying film and media. The Citizen Kane ones are probably the worst kind of fanboy. Mainly because they get very agressive and upset when you knock their film. Well, fuck you fanboy. You have no say in my review, so go fuck yourself and your arsehole gay film. Wankers. And I hope you fail your course miserably. I’ll see you in about 15 years in Starbucks, and you can serve me a Frappuccino Mocha whilst banging on about how great this film is.

Oh, and before anyone thinks it’s the Black & White films that I don’t like, 12 Angry Men is my favourite film of all time, so fuck off.