1. We love to eat. We just don't eat things that were once alive or the secretions of another creature. Other than that, everything is fair game and we're the most adorable little piglets around. (And on the real, you haven't lived until you've been to a vegan potluck. We make a metric shitton (legit measurement) of food and then hoover it down as if we have actual vacuums in our mouths. You would be wise to step to the side or risk losing a limb in a race to the fondue.)

2. We can eat out just about anywhere. Seriously, we're used to playing menu Jenga and putting together a meal just about anywhere. I once made a feast at a steakhouse in the middle of Texas and everyone was jealous of my plate. True story.

3. But we'll love you forever if you bring us to a vegan restaurant (or one with great vegan options). Shows us you care AND that you won't die if you don't eat meat at one meal. Two major plusses!

4. You can totally ask us about veganism! We honestly love talking about it with people who aren't judgy dongs. Ask us questions from an honest, curious place, and you'll get a thoughtful response. And you'll maybe also get laid? We love open-mindedness. (And sex.)

5. Please don't eat a burger in front of us and go "mmmMMMmmm DON'T YOU MISS THIS!?" as the blood drips down your gaping maw. The simplest reason for not doing this is: we will never, ever have sex with you now. And we're all pretty hot. (Deal with it!)

6. Please don't say, "You're a vegan? I never would've guessed! You're so quiet about it!" Contrary to some stale-ass jokes, most vegans don't go around screaming about their veganism. Lots of us vegans walk amongst you and you don't even know it! ~sPoOkY~

7. Pretty please don't say, "You don't look vegan!" Sorry, not all vegans are sallow, emaciated sad sacks who sob about the atrocities of the world while gnawing on their nightly dinner of bark and tears. We're every color, every shape, every size, and have every type of hair style. Even mullets. (I know. We're not perfect.)

8. You don't have to be vegan, you just have to be a good person. We'll probably still want to bone down even if your meal had bones. Besides, meat mouths make the best future vegans so know that we will probably help you to understand that eating carcasses is boring and eating vegan food is the best. Which leads me to my next point:

9. We'll cook awesome food for you. And so much of it. You will eat so well if you date a vegan because we've had to learn how to cook well so we can eat tasty stuff all the time. And remember, the vegan motto is Always Be Eating Tasty Stuff (ABETS).

10. We're pretty chill. Most people become vegans because they hate the thought of anyone suffering, so lots of us don't love to fight. Um, a fight-free relationship with a side of delicious homemade Zebra cakes? Damn, dating vegans rule.

11. We don't want to go to the dog races, horse races, the rodeo, or Sea World with you on date. We're not into any form of "amusement" that harms animals and don't really want to get it on with those who do. That's just science. (And also not being a garbage person.)

12. We love you. Well, not in a weird way, but many of our closest friends and family aren't vegan (YET) and we haven't killed them and worn them as flesh suits. YET. (JK, we're vegan!)

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Laura Beck Laura Beck is a Los Angeles-based TV writer and frequent contributor to Cosmopolitan.com — her work has appeared in the New York Times, New Yorker, Jezebel, and the Village Voice.

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