Modern media, from movies to television to advertising, isn't flattering to fathers. While moms are typically portrayed as smart and competent, dads are often shown as doofuses only marginally more mature than their children. It's all too common that storylines in popular media will use the antics of a bumbling father to illustrate the virtues of the long-suffering wife and mother.

Couple that negative and pervasive portrayal with the legal and social risks men face in becoming fathers and we can begin to understand why fatherhood is in decline. "Single motherhood has grown so common in America that demographers now believe half of all children will live with a single mom at some point before the age of 18," the Washington Post reported in December 2014.

This is a frightening trend, but explainable.

Agree with it or not, a pregnant woman has a legally protected choice when it comes to having a child. The man in that situation has zero choice. If the woman chooses to abort his child, he must accept that. If she chooses to keep the child, he's legally obligated to provide for it financially whether he wanted a child or not. This is usually when people say that men who don't want to be fathers ought not be having sex. I don't disagree, yet few accept that as an argument against legal abortion. Why would we accept it here?

Family law courts, too, are a fraught institution for men. A woman deciding a relationship is over can walk out the door with the expectation that she'll likely get to keep the kids and collect healthy financial income from child support. Given how it's calculated under the law, those support payments often far exceed the actual needs of the child.

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My intent here isn't to indict women-being a single mother is no picnic either-but rather to illustrate social and policy signals we send men about what it means to be a father. If fatherhood looks like a trap, a bad deal only clownish buffoons agree to, then we shouldn't be surprised when fewer men decide they want to be fathers.

Men should provide for their children; men must provide for their children whether they stay with the mothers or not, but can we at least acknowledge the frustrations that come with having all of the responsibility in a situation and very little of the choice?

Worse, masculinity in our culture is far too associated with drinking and an obsession with sports. There's not a thing wrong with cracking a beer and watching the big game, or going out during the hunting season and knocking down a big buck, but that doesn't make you a man. What makes you a man is caring for your children. What makes you a man is providing for your family.

My father is the model of masculinity. He won a Silver Star and four Bronze Stars in Vietnam. He was a cop who went toe-to-toe with violent murderers and organized crime. He's a big-game hunter, and he loves to watch sports.

But what makes him a man is that he never shirked his duties as a father. He showed up to coach the baseball team, even after a grueling double shift. He's been a safety net for his children, even when they've made it hard. He's had fun doing these things. To see a portrait of joy is to see my father with his children and grandchildren.

I wish that were the sort of story our society communicates to young men. I wish we weren't so quick to paint caricatures of fatherhood. I wish the law would cut dads some slack.

Maybe it's time to make fatherhood great again.