THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:



Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of

forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male

was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,

flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from

burns, but from massive internal injuries.



Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set

about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest

fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a

diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The firefighters,

seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of

helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and

then flown to the forest fire and emptied.



You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the

Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300

feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the

fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.



This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?



A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the

kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it

accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the

handlebars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the

motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the

crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor,

cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio

door.



The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived

on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to

the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance

arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife

uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.



Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels,

blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was

treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the

shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became

despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the

toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped

it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was

in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She

ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers

had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of

his legs, and his groin.



The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same

paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The

paramedics loaded the husband onto the stretcher and began carrying him to

the street.



While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the

wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned

himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of

them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down

the remaining stairs and broke his arm.



Taken from a Florida Newspaper.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



STILL HAVING A BAD DAY?



Just remember, it could be worse.....



The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill

in Alaska was $8,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively

saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers

and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer

whale ate them both.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in

order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of

needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her

mentally retarded.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically

with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric

kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him

with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking

his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to

his Walkman.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs

to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of

them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two

hapless protesters to death.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



And finally.......



Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.

It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the

bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.



Your day's not so bad, is it?



------------------------------------------------------------------------



Another version:



Deep thoughts....by Jack Handey





The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:



You're a Siamese twin.



Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.



You're not.



He has a date coming over today.



But you have the only ass.



Feel better now?





------------------------------------------------------------------------



Another one:



Are ya havin' a Bad Day????



Well, then, consider this...............................



In a hospital ' s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in

the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,

regardless of their medical condition.





This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had

something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the

mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on

Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to

investigate the cause of the incidents.



The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all

of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to

see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crossses, prayer books, and other holy

objects to ward off the evil spirits.





Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time

Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support

system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.







Having a Bad Day????



The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon

Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $ 80,000.00. At a special

ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being

released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from

onlookers.



A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them

both.









Still think you are having a Bad Day????





A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking

frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire

running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending

to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with

a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to

that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.







STILL think you ' re having a Bad Day????



Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of

sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany. Suddenly,

all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken

fence, stampeding madly.



The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.



What?? STILL having a Bad Day????



Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn ' t pay enough postage on a

letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on

it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown

to bits.



There now, feeling better????

