Clarkson Vs. Jackson

1. Both have videos named "Thriller"

2. Clarkson was expelled from boarding school for smoking, drinking and "being a nuisance." Jackson being around any school would be considered a nuisance.

3. Clarkson and his wife have three children. Jackson, and his, er . . . well, he has three kids too.

4. Clarkson has seen his visage change over the years of public exposure as his hair has receded, his gut expanded, and his eyebrows became much more eyebrowier. Jackson has . . . His nose . . . The color of his . . . um, Jackson now looks like a scared meadowland creature.

5. Clarkson once got in trouble for saying the designer of the Hyundai XG had "eaten a small wiener dog". Jackson once got in trouble and had to deny that he had "eaten a small wiener."

6. Clarkson's first job was selling stuffed dolls for his parents. Jackson has forced parents to ask their kids "and he touched you where?" using stuffed dolls

7. Clarkson was accused of assaulting a youth near his house. The charges were later dropped. Jackson was accused of assaulting youths in his house. The charges were later dropped

8. Clarkson has described his personality as "that of a six year old boy." Jackson finds the personalities of six year old boys entrancing.

9. Clarkson's great grandfather invented the Kilner jar: a receptacle for preserved fruit. Jackson is considered by many to be a fruit who is obsessed with his own preservation

10. Clarkson enjoys going to the pub for a pint with the boys. Jackson likes pint-sized boys.