It is all kicking off in a WhatsApp group of Tory MPs, with ultra-Remainers defending Theresa May’s Brexit deal – and Brexiteers branding it a “betrayal”. Leave supporter Sheryll Murray told the “Digital Comms” WhatsApp group of Tory MPs that the party needed to find examples of businesses that are “not biased towards remain”, only to be told by hardcore Remainer Antoinette Sandbach that none exist. As Antoinette continued to patronise her colleagues on Brexit, Steve Baker left the group:

Another big Remainer, Claire Perry, who once dubbed Brexiteers “swivel-eyed” and “jihadis”, outlined her support for the PM’s deal and warned Brexiteer critics that they are risking a general election. Sandbach also gave her backing to the government’s white paper. Tells you all you need to know.

As Remainers ganged up on Sheryll Murray, Nadine Dorries interjected to accuse the PM of “a betrayal of everyone who voted leave”. In a devastating assessment of the white paper, Nads cited the polls over the last few days to argue the Chequers plan “will be the end of Conservatives in government”. Sheryll agreed: “You are so right”.

Still Sandbach wasn’t finished, hitting back that “swing voters win elections” and claiming the Tories failed to secure a majority in 2017 because “we ignored 48%”. Sheryll zinged back: “Yes they will swing from us to not voting”. Angry cat emoji.

A change of subject, mercifully, from Andrew Bridgen. He suggested writing a letter to the PM to recommend a knighthood for England manager Gareth Southgate. Peter Bone gave his blessing, before Steve Brine burned them both: “Good idea… but can I suggest the messenger is as important as the message”. Ouch.

Eventually Tory party chairman Brandon Lewis told them to pack it all in. To the relief of Caroline Nokes:

All is not well…