Pity Jose Canseco.

All he's ever wanted is to protect the integrity of the game to which he dedicated his entire life, and he's been rewarded with nothing but hostility, ridicule, and hundreds of thousands of dollars he's squandered on cutting-edge, injectible equine-muscle-enhancers.


The freshest indignity visited upon baseball's bitch-titted Cassandra: he called a press conference yesterday to gloat about Manny Ramirez's 50-game suspension for illegally attempting to stimulate his egg production, and no one but a single Associated Press reporter showed up to recognize his latest vindication. After several uncomfortable minutes of his anguished "I TOLD YOU SO! WHEN WILL YOU LISTEN?" echoing through the empty Beverly Hills hotel conference room, the misunderstood former slugger finally opened up the floor to questions; weirdly, the AP reporter was only called on after an uncomfortable exchange with a cater-waiter who mistakenly wandered in on the conference, in which Canseco repeatedly invited the "dude from the Four Seasons Gazette " to ask him where Pudge Rodriguez liked to be injected.

Jose Canseco only has to picture one person in underwear [Big League Stew]