Jennifer Souness has had a varied career. After starting out as a teen model in New Zealand in the late 70s, her career took her to the catwalks of Europe where she worked with the likes of Karl Lagerfeld and Yves Saint Laurent. She later launched a production company in Italy.

Her return to New Zealand coincided with the legalisation of prostitution and she opened Bon Ton, an escort agency, which she ran for 13 years.

Souness, now 53, is writing a book about her life and, as of tomorrow, joins our squad of advice columnists on Stuff, answering readers' questions from her unique perspective as a happy, independent woman who has always lived life on her own terms.

Victoria Birkinshaw Souness says the sex industry taught her a lot about male insecurity.

But first she answered a few questions from us...

When you meet new people, do you ever edit your past? Is 'brothel-owner' something you avoid telling some people?

For the most part, yes. When the bank teller asks "What is Bon Ton?" and there are five people standing behind me in the queue, my answer is usually "Google it". There aren't enough hours in the day to explain to everyone I meet that I'm not exploiting women.

Female exploitation is also levelled at the modelling industry. Did you see any of that when you were a model?

All the time. The allure of wealth and luxury often made less confident or less privileged girls comply with the constant and inappropriate demands - the promise of work, gifts or Saint Tropez . When I opened my escort agency I was determined to avoid that, giving greater autonomy to the women working with me.

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In what ways did you do that?

I insisted on safe practices and created an environment that encouraged women to stand up for themselves. They also realised that in the bedroom they were in control and that for the most part, the men were eager to please them, something that greatly increased their confidence

Would you say that the sex industry is more empowering to women than the modelling industry?

Yes, no question. In the sex industry, when a man touches a woman's breast he has paid for the right to do so and both parties are in agreement. In the modelling industry, when a man touches your breast it's called a casting.

The modelling industry also creates huge insecurities - not just in models but in women in general. The very nature of the sex industry only empowers women (if they're working in a country where it's legal and their rights are respected). Like us, most men are also vulnerable when naked.

But what about the women whose husbands visit prostitutes? Isn't the sex industry disempowering for them?

There are so many variables as to why men visit prostitutes.

We've had clients whose wives were dying of terminal illnesses and insisted their husband keep an active sex life, men whose wives had died but who weren't interested in starting new relationships, married couples who wanted to experiment, men whose wives had told them they didn't want to have sex with them anymore and to arrange alternatives…

Most married men don't tell their wives if they're visiting escorts for other reasons, so I can't comment on whether their wives feel disempowered, but I imagine most would.

I doubt that many men are doing it with the aim to disempower, so if she finds out they need to start an open and honest dialogue, to understand why he feels she is not enough. Some men have very high sex drives and/or want diversity.

This is something that has to be addressed at the beginning of a relationship though, so the woman can decide if she accepts that.

Both the modelling and sex industries place a premium on female appearance. What are the key differences between what is valued (physically) in a model and in an escort? Which is more achievable?

As a model there is still only one physical requirement (unless you're working in the plus size sector) and that is to be emaciated.

Heights and beauty-types go in and out of fashion. As an escort, initially a size 8 blonde with 'girl next door' looks is who the majority of men believe will solve all their problems.

It's just like women who covet designer labels, it's sometimes more to do with acquiring a status symbol, than being genuinely drawn to something. But the girls who become (and remain) the most popular always have two things in common - confidence and empathy.

What do you think of the #metoo movement?

I think it's been long overdue. Before opening an escort agency and learning how to confidently deflect unwanted attention, sexual harassment was something I constantly struggled to deal with.

Now I politely shut it down, immediately. I don't worry if men might consider me a ballbreaker, I call them out on it immediately.

Did you enjoy being a model?

For the most part I loved it. I've always had trouble with concentration so working everyday with different people in different countries kept me focused. Learning new languages and about other cultures also improved my self esteem.

Milan was my base for almost 16 years but I also lived in London, Paris and New York. I was paid to travel the world (if I jumped around in front of cameras) and to meet and work with fashion greats like Yves Saint Laurent, Valentino, Lagerfeld...

I also witnessed moments of social change. Modelling in the first foreign fashion show in Russia under Gorbachev's perestroika (his wife Raisa was a 'celebrity' guest) while being closely monitored by the KGB was fascinating, working in Germany when the Berlin wall came down, watching the Mothers of Plaza de Mayo march for their missing children in Buenos Aires and finding myself caught up in the crossfire between baton-wielding military soldiers and angry protesters.

I had to run as I was shooting my first 'big job' for Italian Vogue at 4am the next day, and a black eye would not have gone down well. Coming from a conflict-free country like New Zealand these events changed the way I viewed the world.

Working in an industry of exaggerated wealth and luxury while travelling to countries of extreme poverty also had a big impact on me.

You were adopted as a baby and later made contact with your biological parents. Can you tell me a bit about that and how that has influenced you?

Being adopted definitely influenced my views around sex. Luckily, shaming women (and men) for doing what humans are genetically designed to do and forcing unmarried mothers to hand over their newborn children is a thing of the past, but from the day I was told of my adoption I struggled to understand why the consequences of my parents' desire were that I had to be given away

Years later while living In Italy, I fell in love with a man who had three children from a previous relationship.

Watching the physical and behavioural similarities that evolved in these kids made me curious about my own genetic inheritance, and in my early thirties I decided to try and find my mother.

I found more than I'd bargained for as a few years after my birth my parents had reunited and later married and had two more children. Neither of them ever confided to anyone else that they also had a daughter.

You have worked in two environments where women compete with one another. What has that taught you about human nature?

Modelling alerted me to many women's desire to be desired. The escort industry confirmed this but also taught me about human nature at a more primal level.

Both taught me that contrary to what I'd always been told, women could be just as ruthless as men when competing for position of top dog. That the desire to succeed is inherent to both sexes.

What did running an escort agency teach you about men?

That so many men, like women, lack confidence. I wish that when I was younger I'd known what I know now, it would have improved my relationships with men a lot.

Having a better understanding of men's insecurities and sexual differences would absolutely have changed the way I behaved.

Why do you choose to be single now?

Because I love my independence and because I get bored quickly.

Do you see yourself in a relationship again?

I've gave up smoking because I want a healthier life. I'll occasionally allow myself to have one, choosing (for a brief moment) to forget how it makes me feel afterwards. Overall though, I'm happier not smoking…

Is that a metaphor?

Yes! Overall I'm happier not being in a relationship, it's just easier.

I know that seems weird to some people, but it's my life. I've had jealous partners and partners who couldn't respect my need for freedom.

I don't want to sound like a man hater because I'm not. I love men, I enjoy their company.

But I think as a society we've become too defined by sex and whether or not we're having it, and that makes a lot of people unhappy. Everyone's needs are very different.



What will you be offering our readers?

My insights on alternative ways to be a happy, autonomous and independent woman, whether in a relationship or not. I could also help men who have trouble understanding women.

I'm at a stage where I love my life but I haven't arrived at this point easily. My views are not for everyone but hopefully helpful for some.

'Ask Jennifer' starts tomorrow on Stuff. To send her a question email life.style@fairfaxmedia.co.nz with Dear Jennifer in the subject line.