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MID-WAY through tabling a motion of no confidence in housing minister Eoghan Murphy, senior members of Sinn Féin took a moment to ponder the terrifying thought of what they might do were they to ever come into power and have to deliver on well over a century of ‘big talk’.

Housing spokesman Eoin Ó Broin admitted that the motion was already predestined to fail due to Fianna Fáil’s announcement that they would not support it, but was pressed ahead with anyway because it looks good to stick the boot in now and again, as per the Sinn Féin ‘Big Book Of Being Right No Matter The Occasion’.

Having spent a great deal of time rightfully attacking the government for their failure to fix the housing crisis, their mishandling of the health service and a police force that cannot go ten minutes without a scandal, Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald had to take a seat for a moment as she pondered the gravity of what would happen if Fine Gael were to turn round and say ‘okay, you fucking do it’.

“Shit, it doesn’t really bear thinking about,” said an ashen-faced McDonald, who like so many other Sinn Féin TDs has built a career based on being the right thorn in the right side at the right time.

“It’s kinda like when you’re heckling a boxer from the crowd, telling him he’s shit, then he turns around and comes at you through the stands. Can you imagine? We’ve become professional complainants, the best opposition party of all the time. We’re very comfortable where we are, so please keep voting for us, but y’know… not so much that we actually have to ever do anything”.

McDonald was asked if she would perhaps ‘mellow’ a little in the Dáil, which she replied to with a resounding ‘fuck no’.

“Sinn Féin only really have one gear” she added, looking around for more shit to give out about.