Respect is an overlooked and misunderstood idea in the pursuit of being an attractive man. Growing up, parents and teachers repeatedly told us to respect others. Because of this, a lot of us became obsessed with pleasing everyone else while forgetting ourselves. Our self-respect was pushed to second place.

So we try our hardest to respect women, but that alone doesn’t give us the dating life we want. That frustration leads us to believe we need to be douchebags to become Casanovas. It’s a myth perpetuated by insecure men.

Instead, know this: women sense your lack of self-respect. They can tell when you don’t fully trust, love, and believe in who you are in all aspects of your life. They can feel that your interest is from desperation rather than a genuine desire to know them.

A quality woman is attracted to a man who respects himself first and foremost.

Respect your boundaries. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it. Too many guys let others walk all over them because they think they’ll be more likeable. However, people will value you less when they realize you’re spineless and easily manipulated. Understand your limits and learn to politely (yet firmly) say “no”.

Respect your body. It’s the only one you have. Don’t get shitfaced every night. Stay in decent shape. You don’t have to be an Olympic athlete, but make exercise a lifestyle priority. Don’t keep bullshitting that you have no time, you can make time.

Respect your environment. A man who can’t take care of his home can’t take care of himself. Women are instantly turned off if they walk into a man’s place that still looks and smells like a dorm room. Clean your shit up, wash your dishes, pick up your clothes off the floor (just got over that myself), and don’t let food spoil. Once you get into the routine of maintaining order, it gets much easier.

Respect your interests. Stop hiding your hobbies or putting up a facade. Openly share your passions. There are plenty of people who will be interested in the real you — go find them.

Respect your word. It’s the most powerful tool you own. Stay honest and communicate how you really feel at all times. You owe it to yourself to speak up — have an opinion, damn it! Don’t use your word to tear others down and most importantly, yourself.

Respect your fears. Do not aim to be fearless. If you try to escape or run from your fears, they will gain power over you. Instead, have the courage to be afraid. Embrace fear’s existence, face it head on, and then still push forward. Fear is not the enemy — being paralyzed by it is. The more you conquer, the stronger and more naturally those old fears will strip away.

Respect your desires. You want to have sex with a beautiful woman, right? Cut back on the porn and make the fucking plunge to meet women regularly. Get over your fear of rejection and being creepy. You can’t overcome your anxieties until you take action. Your mind needs positive reference experiences to fight the excuses it feeds you – the confidence will come afterwards.

Respect your time. Maya Angelou perfectly said: “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” If a girl is constantly playing hard to get, walk away and talk to someone who won’t play games. Stop pretending to be friends with girls for extended periods of time when you’re really interested in more. Show your intentions: flirt, touch and see if she feels the same way.

Also, manage your time efficiently. Ask yourself what’s really important. Yes, I could sit at home all day and play PS3, but is it bringing me closer to being fulfilled? I’m not saying you have to stop your fun, but balance your priorities. Get more important shit done like getting fit, developing your social skills, landing the job you want, or finding an amazing woman.

Respect your failures. They are an incredible feedback system. If you regret them, you’ll lose the lessons they taught you. Stop seeing them as negatives and find legitimate value in them. I welcome failure because I know the sooner I get there, the sooner I will succeed.

Respect your weaknesses. See them as opportunities for growth and character-building. Pride and ego will only get in the way of your personal development. Until you take an honest, vulnerable look at yourself, you can’t expect to improve upon those flaws.

Respect your goals and dreams. Don’t just toss them aside and say they’re stupid. Make a list of goals and start with the easiest one. Accomplish it, feel great that you did something for yourself, rinse and repeat. You’ll start to become confident in your abilities while simultaneously achieving what you want.

For career goals, stop waiting for the perfect moment. Create those opportunities for yourself. Barring extreme circumstances, don’t stay in a job that makes you miserable. This stress will trickle into every aspect of your life, it’s about so much more than just a paycheck.

Network and go to industry events you’re trying to break into. Build your resume (even pay someone like Monster to fix it). Reach out to companies you’re interested in personally, you have nothing to lose! Your dream job isn’t going to reach out and find you, hunt for it.

Respect your opportunities. Say yes more often, it will change your life. This alone will throw you into so many new adventures and experiences. It’s easy to talk yourself out of it but you won’t expand your comfort zone otherwise. There’s something to be said about becoming a “yes man”.

Respect your needs first (examples here). Search within to find out what you require for happiness because no one else will do it for you. Don’t go trying to fix someone else’s problems before you’ve handled your own shit. Make sure you are satisfied first, it’s not selfish. This is fundamental in breaking out of nice guy syndrome.

Learn to respect yourself and you will gain the respect of others.

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