Calling all husbands and wives: what do you expect to get out of your marriage? Be careful with your answer; a new study suggests that having high standards could help or hinder a relationship, depending on how much indirect hostility there is between a couple. Share on Pinterest Having high standards for a marriage could either improve or reduce marital satisfaction over time, depending on the levels of indirect hostility in a relationship. Study author Dr. James McNulty, professor of psychology at Florida State University, publishes his findings in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Previous studies have suggested that spouses who have high standards for their marriage are more likely to be disappointed if these standards are not met, compared with spouses who have lower standards, and that this disappointment can harm relationships. On the other hand, prior research has also suggested that having high standards for a marriage motivates couples to achieve such standards, which can strengthen a relationship. To investigate the impact of marriage demands on relationships further, Dr. McNulty assessed 135 newlywed couples from Tennessee.

Indirect hostility: ‘harmful for all couples’ Each partner was required to complete a survey, in which they disclosed their own standards of marriage, the severity of any relationship problems they had and overall marriage satisfaction. Additionally, each couple took part in a video-recorded marital discussion, allowing Dr. McNulty to assess the verbal communication and indirect hostility between each partner. Every 6 months for 4 years, each couple continued to complete a questionnaire reporting their marital satisfaction. According to the researcher, indirect hostility – such as stubbornness, procrastination and sullen behavior – is more damaging to verbal problem-solving than direct hostility. “Prior work by our lab and others indicates that direct hostility, such as blaming the partner for a problem and demanding that the partner change, can have important benefits to some couples, specifically those who need to change,” says Dr. McNulty. “The key is that direct hostility communicates that there is a need for change and even how each partner wants things to change. Our prior research indicates indirect hostility is harmful for all couples.”