Warning: This recap of the “Relics” episode of Teen Wolf contains spoilers.

When it comes to sports, nothing’s more important than the rules. Tennis requires strict observance of line calls, swimming events should never allow water wings, and football players should not be able to throw handfuls of red pepper flakes into each others’ eyes. Similarly, lacrosse is a sport that is best-played without the interference of dozens of phantasmagorical kidnappers, and that is a rule that dates back to the Native American inventors of lacrosse. They knew it then, and it’s still true today: Phantasmagorical kidnappers should not be allowed on the lacrosse field. It’s against the rules!

“Relics” completely capitalized on the rather ambitious concept presented by last week’s episode. That is, dozens of students had been “marked” by the Ghost Riders at a house party… Could Teen Wolf actually pull off that kind of large-scale problem? The answer is yes. This episode concerned itself with a mass invasion of Ghost Riders and the characters’ (ultimate) failure to keep their classmates safe. At this point I’m not sure how Beacon Hills High School will even have enough students left to keep school in session, but it still made for a highly entertaining episode. Let’s talk about it!

We began in the moodiest, most atmospheric woods in all of Southern California, where two sexy single parents found each other in the shadows. Were they cruising? Yes. Cruising for monsters.

Mr. Argent was out stalking whatever beast had been sucking glands out of brains, and Mrs. McCall was out stalking handsome bearded men with machine guns. And she brought a backpack full of Band-Aids just in case!

They immediately came upon a pair of dead and/or dying cyclists, both with enormous puncture wounds in their skulls. I felt bad for this lady, who’d been tossed up into a tree! She did not love getting a flashlight shined in her eyes, so she puked up blood, fell out of the tree, and then died. I tend to do the same thing whenever people wake ME up, so I related to her a lot.

That’s when Melissa and Chris heard the unmistakable noise of a sassy were-coyote gallivanting through the woods! And he knew just what to do: SHOOT HER.

I felt this was kind of harsh. Mr. Argent knew full well Malia was not the creature who’d been sucking the glands out of local brains, but he shot her anyway. I guess just to talk with her? Couldn’t he just text or or something? Parents can be so lame sometimes.

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It was the day after the house party where dozens of kids had become marked by the Ghost Riders, and the boys set to work figuring out how to stop the impending abductions. Mason figured out that whenever lightning strikes start ramping up, the Ghost Riders weren’t far behind. And at that exact moment, lightning strikes started ramping up!

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Apparently without offering much in the way of explanation, the marked students were escorted into the tunnel system beneath the school and led into a bunker. Why not? The Ghost Riders could penetrate ordinary ceilings via lightning but not bunkers, and that’s a fact. They would be safe for sure.

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Lydia was still obsessed with this whole “Stiles” thing and convinced Sheriff Stilinski to let her snoop around their home. But when she approached that hallway area where the old lady ghost had been, she was compelled to start ripping off wallpaper… Until Mrs. Stilinski snatched her hand with the reflexes of a mongoose! NOBODY tears wallpaper in her home! (Especially when that wallpaper probably covers a doorway to an empty bedroom, I’m guessing.)

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But Lydia was not ready to give up just yet, and in a nice moment, she sat down with her skeptical mother and explained every piece of evidence she’d gleaned so far. The idea was that Mrs. Martin would help decided if Lydia was simply indulging in confirmation bias or if she really was onto something. And, spoiler, Mrs. Martin ended up believing Lydia! Man, I love when characters successfully explain something to a skeptical parent and the parent comes around. How often does that happen?

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Though Scott and Liam corralled most of the marked students into the bunker, four of them eluded safety and took to the field to play lacrosse! (Or lacrap, according to Coach Finstock.) I love that ever since Kira left the school/city/country/planet another girl took her place as the token female lacrosse player! Unfortunately Beacon Hills High seems especially terrible at lacrosse this year, and things only got worse when the Ghost Riders finally arrived.

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They immediately snatched one of the lacrosse players, and then began shooting magical bullets at the others.

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I really loved the green smoke effect that enveloped the abducted students. Very Wizard of Oz. Meanwhile, Mason decided that the only monster that could stop a Ghost Rider was Deputy Parrish, so the next thing we knew, Parrish was running at a Ghost Rider while his clothes disintegrated!

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Unfortunately the Ghost Rider did not seem very impressed.

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But his magical bullet didn’t make Deputy Parrish disappear! It merely sapped him of his orange flames.

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So I’m guessing the Ghost Riders aren’t capable of abducting monsters? But they CAN take away their powers maybe? We didn’t get any follow-up on this, so it’s not quite clear yet whether Parrish will still be a Hell Hound, or where he purchases flame-proof underwear. Those questions will probably be addressed in the coming weeks.

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The gaggle of students cowering in the bunker weren’t safe either. Despite a valiant attempt by Malia and Argent to stop the invasion of Ghost Riders, the ghouls just whipped their way inside! Aside: This episode didn’t make tons of sense when it came to WHO could see the Ghost Riders and whether people were actively forgetting the abductees still. It seemed like the main characters could ALL see them now (including Mr. Argent?) and also were fully remembering the departed? I don’t know.

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I do know that these ladies teamed up to violate Mrs. Stilinski’s medical privacy! Though the hospital records showed that Mrs. Stilinski had zero children, it also indicated she’d had a terminal illness 10 years prior, one she could not have survived. So hey, at least Lydia discovered something was up with her.

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In what I’m guessing was supposed to be a heartwarming moment, Liam trudged back to the locker room soaking wet and defeated (the Ghost Riders had gotten EVERYBODY he’d tried to protect), and Coach Finstock promoted him to team captain for having stayed on the field during a rainstorm. Usually when someone does that they are rewarded with little more than pneumonia, but Liam was a special case I suppose. Way to go, fella!

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Did you feel something stir in your heart and brain when Mr. Argent was wheeled into the hospital and Mrs. McCall sat next to his bedside? I realize they are not teens nor monsters, but could THEY be the new romance to anchor this series? Rooting for them!

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Now that he was team captain of the lacrap team, Liam had a newfound sense of confidence and purpose. And that purpose was this: capturing a Ghost Rider! Yes, he had failed to protect most of his classmates, but that just meant he had to get wilder with ambition. He was gonna trap one of those blank-faced pieces of trash, and he was gonna walk across the parking lot with his accomplices in tableau like the driving age badasses they were.

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But I loved when they walked confidently past the forgotten Jeep of a forgotten student. Good thing this school doesn’t give parking tickets. But quick question, if all of Stiles’s possessions were “erased” and disappeared, why was Scout still visible? And why wouldn’t Lydia look into why she had found herself in a mysterious Jeep that one time? Lotta questions, guys. But I’m sure every answer will be: dream logic! And I accept that answer.

“Relics” may not have been the most logically airtight episode, but it was damn ambitious. Teen Wolf is a show that promises a huge concept and then actually follows through with it. Dozens of people become marked for abduction? Completely gone the next episode. Plus almost all the characters had something cool and important to do. No, we did not get to see Mr. Douglas nude and covered in slime this week, but you can’t win ’em all. As it was, “Relics” was a solid fourth episode and continued our terrifying log flume ever onward toward those inevitable rapids. Now let’s capture us a Ghost Rider!

What did YOU think of “Relics”?

Teen Wolf airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on MTV.