It was never the label he was rebelling against, exactly. It was a type of thinking that put him in a “cloudy” place, unable to record the classic album he wanted to: What do people want? What does a superstar look like? What music does a superstar make? Basically, run-of-the-mill, mid-20s-identity-formation stuff.

Cole can recall the exact catalyst for the change—he could pull it out of the closet, actually. It's the Versace sweater he's talked about before, often, the way people talk about an ex who hurt them so badly it reset the course of their life. It was the 2013 BET Awards, he had a stylist, the stylist brought out The Sweater: a baroque, gauche black pullover printed with huge interlocking gold medallions. It was gaudy enough to cause a crisis of self. He wanted to wear something else, but everyone in the room said, “ ‘Nah, I think you need to do this,’ ” Cole recalls. “I remember it like, ‘Nah, bro, you gotta step it up a level, you gotta own some superstar shit,’ almost with the implication that I could be further along if I just looked like a star. This is what the people want to see.”

Two other artists got that exact memo, too. All three of them showed up on the red carpet wearing the sweater, styled the exact same way—thick, ropy gold chains, black jeans, black shoes. Cole also added his own flair—sunglasses and a soul patch. It was Us Weekly's “Who Wore It Best?” column happening in red-carpet real time, except, well, there were really no winners. “Man, look, no disrespect to French, but I feel like this some shit French Montana would have on. I'm like looking in the mirror like, ‘Who the fuck is this?’ ”

Cole realized that there's a perception of him that he didn't like anymore: “I've been so secluded within myself that people think I don't like anybody, that I won't work with anybody.”

He realized he'd lost touch with who he was: Jermaine Cole from Fayetteville, who'd always wanted to make music. Except for the brief moments when he'd wanted to be an archaeologist as a kid, or maybe play in the NBA. He'd been running headlong at his goal since college (but really since he was 12). Now he was depressed, and the confidence he'd always had was shaken. Luckily, he had two albums that made him successful enough to pause, relax a little, turn inward, and figure out how to change everything he was doing.

He rented a house in L.A. He learned to meditate. He recorded 2014 Forest Hills Drive, an album that was a reaction to everything he disliked about making the first two albums, really. He didn't record a single, he didn't have any features, he hosted a listening event for fans at his childhood home, revealing the address the day of. He was risking a ton to do it his way and was pretty sure it might be the last album he ever made, but it turned out to be bigger than anybody expected. By 2015, when he was done touring for the album, he was visible enough to disappear into the oak trees of Raleigh for a while.

For the first time since he used to mainline The Boondocks in his dorm room in college, Cole had time to sit on a couch and binge-watch TV. He watched all of Narcos and, he admits, unsure if I'd ever heard of it, Odd Mom Out. I had. (We agreed that Jill Kargman is hilarious and the show should never have been canceled.) He ditched the architectural red-carpet facial hair and grew a shaggy retirement beard, let his dreadlocks hit shoulder-length. He played in basketball rec leagues, four or five games a week. He got married, built a crib, recorded 4 Your Eyez Only, and didn't really promote it. The album went platinum anyway.

These days, he says, people ask him all the time whether being a father has changed him. The question has prompted some reflection, Cole admits. “For a while, I felt a little weird about it. Like, nah. I felt, ‘Did I miss something?’ 'Cause I didn't feel the change that people talk about. And then I figured out what it was,” he says. “I changed my life in order to get ready to have a family and to have a son. I literally changed my life, where I was living, the things that I was doing. I changed. So because of that, when my son came, I was ready. I already made room.”