“The National Weather Service has to monitor the president’s tweets as closely as they monitor actual hurricanes.” — SETH MEYERS

“Climate change. It’s once again the top issue for many people in America partly because of the devastation of Hurricane Dorian, which is such a crazy storm that it somehow hit the Bahamas, the Carolinas and then, thanks to President Trump’s Sharpie pen, also Alabama.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Clearly he drew on the map. Americans saw that and were like, ‘Don’t let him anywhere near the Constitution, please.’ [imitating Trump] ‘As you can see, our founding fathers clearly wanted free guac at Chipotle. That’s what they — I didn’t do it. Someone else did that to the Constitution.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“My favorite thing about this is that he didn’t even try to blend it in. He could have at least sent an intern to Kinko’s to print up a new chart.” — SETH MEYERS

“There is no question in my mind he now wants Alabama to be hit by a hurricane. He’s dying for this to happen. If you are in Birmingham, Huntsville, Mobile, nothing would make him happier than to see you guys wiped out tonight.” — JIMMY KIMMEL