Now Hiring at the Mercury: Food Critic Wanted!

It's another sad day here at the Mercury as we bid farewell to our beloved food critic, Chris Onstad. Happily, he's not dead, and is simply leaving to pursue a new and exciting venture: starting an all-natural, craft soda company! (Oh my god, Chris is gonna NAIL that, and I'm gonna drink the crap out of it. Thanks for the pre-adult onset diabetes, Chris!) Good luck, Monsieur Onstad, you've been an inspiration to us all, and you have our sincere thanks for all your thorough, thought-provoking work!

Now I need a moment to allow my tears to dry, so here's the help wanted ad for our NEW FOOD CRITIC position. Even if you have a Totino Pizza Roll palate, take a look and please pass it on to anyone you think might be a good fit! THANK YOU!