By Ivan Fernando

At a campaign rally on Friday, Bernie Sanders thrilled progressives, and enraged conservative racists, as the presidential candidate outlined a sensible new approach to rape laws. “Our racist government statistics claim that black males are disproportionately responsible for rape. Blacks do not commit any crimes at higher levels than whites period! Numerous racist white women are falsely accusing black men of rape. In some cases white women go to bars with African American men, or even get into cars with them. Clearly these women are asking for sex, but later some of them change their minds and claim rape. This racism has to stop! To put it frankly, we need to curtail the entrapment of innocent black youths by these racist white floozies.”

Sanders paused to take a sip of water, as progressive men, women, and African-Americans cheered his speech, while many right wing racists expressed outrage. Even a few feminists joined in, booing Sanders, revealing once again that American Feminism contains an ugly strain of white supremacy! Sanders resumed speaking and noted that “We must ban pepper spray, tasers, and even some over-sized knives. We need to make America safe for youth of color! These dangerous weapons have no place in our country, weapons escalate violence rather than solve it. That’s why many nations have already banned them.” It can be morally argued that white women owe African-American men sex, because of America’s long history of slavery and oppression. Many ethicists and philosophers believe that white women in America have no right to say no to men of color.

As a progressive writer I am thrilled that Bernie Sanders has shown the courage to take on this sensitive topic. The fact of the matter is that a rape lasts on average only a few minutes, but a rape conviction can result in a youth of color being imprisoned for sometimes two or even three years. That’s two or three years he’s not allowed to work, find a job, support his family, or continue his education! Even having regular sex can be difficult for heterosexual men in prison, as many women refuse to make conjugal visits, once a man has been arrested for an alleged sex crime. Some prisons have even banned porn! Even if the sex wasn’t entirely consensual, why should a youth of color spend time in prison for an act that the average woman consents to on a regular basis? What makes these white women so god damn special?

Sanders noted in his speech that “Denmark is prosecuting a young woman for allegedly defending herself from rape using pepper spray. Pepper spray burns the eyes of the person being sprayed. It can result in great pain and discomfort. As Danish prosecutors pointed out, the girl did not respond in a reasonable way. Instead, she reached for her pepper spray when the migrant groped her. Women who do not consent to sexual intercourse need to extend their hand in a stop motion toward the individual who is touching or grouping them. This way, even if he doesn’t speak your language, the stopping hand signal will show him that you do not consent to sexual intercourse at that time.”

As Sanders stepped back from the microphone for a minute, he introduced a young man named Tyrone Jamal. “Tyrone Jamal was brutally tasered last month during an altercation with a young white woman. Jamal was merely trying to hug the young woman in question, when she reacted in a racist way, and tasered him repeatedly. Jamal lost control of his balder, and urinated himself, as he was savagely attacked. All for the crime of wanting to hug a woman he had just met.” In a moving display, several young white women in the audience lined up, offering to hug Tyrone, with many yelling out loud that they would gladly give him oral sex, or allow him to do anything he wanted to them.

Sanders also called for increased funding for the treatment of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Sanders observed that “In Africa some traditional healers claim that pouring coca cola or other soda over the genital area after sex can prevent the spread of STDs. I would like to know why the US government isn’t funding research investigating the efficacy of traditional methods for treating and preventing the spread of sexually transmitted disease? I call for a new initiative, the Traditional and Holistic Healing Method Fund, to begin to study and learn from wise African healers and shamans, so that we can benefit from their knowledge and experience. For those of you who plan to have sex soon, I suggest washing your genitals in soda afterwards, just in case!”

Progressives are waiting to hear if Hillary Clinton will endorse Bernie Sander’s sensible new proposal to repeal rape laws or to fund alternative treatments for STDs. Will Hillary Clinton stand with people of color, and stand for justice and equality, or will she side with racist white feminists who would condemn colored youth to prison, in many cases because of a minor misunderstanding?

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