REMEMBER the good old days when we used to have fun teasing the Brits about how we beat them in the medal count at the Olympics?

Remember how we used to call it our little “Ashes” rivalry and rub it in that we were right up the top of the table with the Yanks, Russians and China and they were way down below with the likes of South Korea and (snigger, snigger) Hungary?

Well you can forget it, because those days have gone.

Rio 2016 wasn’t about the Ashes, it was about the smashes. As in the Poms smashed us in the cycling, they smashed us in the rowing and they smashed us in the hockey.

They even did better than us at slalom canoe, and that was supposed to be one of our “specials”.

Last time I looked they had won 24 gold medals to our seven — although it could be more by the time I finish typing this paragraph. We’ve got four TVs covering four different sports at once in our office and it seems like at least one of them is playing God Save the Queen at any given time.

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media_camera Team GB won gold in the women’s hockey. Photo: Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

Meanwhile with eight golds we’re in a big deep hole with little hope of getting out, like a US swimmer whose passport has been confiscated.

Overall, as I write, Team GB has 59 medals in total, their best-ever at an “away” Games. Australia has 29 — less than half. As if losing the Ashes and going down in the rugby 3-0 to England wasn’t enough.

Was it really only Athens, three Olympiads ago when we finished fourth on the medal ladder, behind only ‘The Big Three’ of USA, Russia and China, with 17 gold medals and a total of 50?

At those same Games, Great Britain was in tenth spot with a measly nine gold medals and 30 overall.

Oh how we laughed, how we engaged in good natured banter with our whining Pommy cousins.

Things have changed, baby. Now Britain is lying second behind the US and ahead of China.

We’re the ones in eighth, just ahead of South Korea and Hungary — and the Hungarians, whose swimmer Katrinka Hosszu won as many gold medals at the pool on her own as our entire team, are the ones sniggering.

And the really worrying thing?

None of the Poms over here are giving us a hard time about it.

They simply couldn’t be bothered. They’re too busy playing with the whales to engage in childish banter with a minnow. Oh OK, so we’re not a minnow quite yet. A cod maybe, or a small bream.

Seriously, when I looked up Australia on the medal table we weren’t on the first page of the official website. I had to click on “other countries”. Since when did we become an “other country” for crying out loud?

Actually, I can tell you that. It was when our two male BMX riders, starting the final in the best two lanes, finished out of the medals.

media_camera Nick Skelton won a gold medal at 58. Photo: AFP PHOTO / John MACDOUGALL

“At least they weren’t beaten by a Pom,” said someone in the office.

The words were no sooner out of his mouth than one of the other TVs started blasting out, “God save our gracious Queen ...”

Brit Nick Skelton had just won the showjumping. Aged 58, I might add.

Given that a few minutes earlier we’d been cheering on our very own Edwina Tops-Alexander in her bid for a clean round to make the gold medal jump-off (clipped a rail, finished ninth) it was a bitter gin and tonic to swallow.

Still, look on the bright side. It wasn’t as bad as the cycling.

We came to Rio full of swagger and expectation. We limped out with one silver and a bronze.

Of the 10 golds up for grabs the Brits grabbed six. Add in silver and bronze and every member of their team got up on the podium at some stage.

And again they refused to rub our noses in it.

“Hats off to the Aussies,” said Sir Bradley Wiggin. “They’re the reason we get out of bed in the morning.”

Might I suggest they can now sleep in.

Team GB came to Rio with a target of 48 medals. They passed that total with five days to spare.

As their Chef de Mission, Mark England (yes, that’s his real name) said at the time, “With a number of sports yet to even start competing, no doubt we can look forward to more success to come from Team GB”.

media_camera Australia's Caroline Buchanan crashed out of the BMX. Photo: AFP PHOTO / CARL DE SOUZA

He got that right, but how? How did we get so bad and they got so good, so fast? I put that question to Team GB official Scott Field.

“I know you are saying you don’t know how we’ve done it,” he said.

“Well good, that’s how we like it.

“As you guys know only too well it takes years of investment, planning and hard graft to enjoy the sort of success that we have done this time around.

“The key for us is to build on the levels of investment with engagement among young people, coupled with strong talent ID programs. If we get that right, and we deliver the type of environment we have in Rio, then we have a good recipe for future success.

“We’re already looking ahead to Tokyo, which will be tough with a strong home nation, and presumably a full Russian team, as well as improving rivals nations. It’s just a shame cricket isn’t in the next Games as we’re even winning in that.

“Maybe we should get an Aussie rules team in. I’m sure we could cobble a squad together.”

Ouch.