Thanks to the statewide legalization of recreational marijuana, Colorado is now sitting pretty on rolling hills of sweet cannabis under anthropomorphic smiling clouds made of evaporated bong water (while the rest of us remain condemned to huff glue from under our drab desks). Or at least that's what they'd be doing, if things were as simple as the reggae-abusing local news segments make it seem. Why's that?

4 For Banks, Weed Money Is Still Drug Money

With the exception of the many times they've done it in the past, banks don't like breaking federal laws, especially drug laws (except when they totally do). In the case of Colorado, it appears that they've listened to McGruff the Crime Dog and D.A.R.E.D. to say "no" to drugs -- even the ones that are now legal.

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So where does that leave dispensary owners? Standing knee deep in basements pooled with wads of cash, like a dank-nug-scented Scrooge McDuck reboot.