Re:Thank You

Yang Xiao Long (Fireballin17)

to me | 3:34 PM (4 hours ago)

Hey, i know it's been a little bit since i messaged you last. I meant to write more, but i've felt like absolute shit the last couple of days. Not surprising i guess. I still feel like shit, but i wanted to send you something so you knew i wasn't, you know, dead. It's been pretty bad. There have been times i didn't know where i was or why i was so miserable. And i kind of keep spiraling, remembering all the stupid things i said to you or things i did… i'm trying not to wallow, i really am, but it's like all the shitty things i've ever done just kind of manifest in these super fucked up dreams i keep having. Or maybe they're hallucinations. It's honestly hard to tell the difference sometimes.

Living with raven has been interesting at least. It's honestly more like having an adult roommate than living with a parent. She works nights at some club downtown. Apparently she runs the joint, got a bunch of people who answer to her. I can see why. She can be, like, scary intense. There are times when i'm just absolutely losing my shit and she'll just grab me and talk me down in this really serious voice. She isn't gentle, but i get the feeling she's dealt with this before. I tried to sneak a drink the first night i was here - i'm not proud of it, i was just so miserable i was willing to do anything to make it stop - and she tore it out of my hands and threw it out the window. Then she proceeded to put the rest of the alcohol in her apartment in a box and locked it in her storage downstairs.

But she's not always like that. Sometimes at night before she goes to work, or super early in the morning after she comes home we'll sit up and just talk about things. Catching up i guess. We've got kind of a backlog to go through after all. I hope you're not mad, but i told her about you. I told her about our history and how you basically saved my dumb ass. She thinks you're too good for me, haha. Like mother like daughter.

In return, she told me about her and dad when they were our age. Apparently they met in high school too, and the two of them raised all kinds of hell. Did you know that dad was drunk when he got that tattoo on his arm? They were out one night, dad got plastered and started going on about how in love with her he was and she made some jab about how he always wore his heart on his sleeve. Dad joked he should just get it tattooed there just to teach her a lesson. She taunted him, said he wouldn't do it, so he dragged her to the nearest tattoo parlor that night and got it done. It was kind of a romantic story, in a weird way.

Sorry, i know you still have mixed feelings about raven. I'm not saying all this to convince you to like her, but for what it's worth, she's definitely helping me.

Oh, i called dad. He wasn't exactly thrilled. I think he had to physically stop himself from grounding me. He's apprehensive about me spending so much time with raven too, but i think he gets that it's the better of my available options, so he's putting up with it. I promised him i'd be home as soon as i could be. And i will. I really miss portland.

How are things there? Are you back to work yet? Tell ruby i miss her, i know she's got to be worrying herself sick.

Okay, i think that's about all i can manage. I'm going to go pass out again. Talk to you soon blake.

If my heart was a compass you'd be north.

Sent from: Chicago Illinois