Pedophile Gets Some Canvassing In for Bloomberg While He’s Already Going Door-to-Door

EL PASO, Texas — Convicted pedophile Marcus Fleming killed two birds with one stone earlier today when he canvassed for Michael Bloomberg during court-mandated neighborhood introductions, outraged sources confirmed.

“It just feels really good to be a part of the political process, doing the right thing,” said Fleming after being chased off another doorstep. “Bloomberg needs all the help he can get here in Texas and I want to be a part of changing people’s minds. I really want to drive home the point that Bloomberg is a man of the people — right after I inform them that I just moved into the neighborhood after being released from prison after six years for molesting a child.”

Fleming said that he’s all in for the former New York mayor now that he’s running. Before that, he was having a hard time deciding who to support.

“Technically I no longer have the right to vote, but I’m a lifelong Democrat, so I really didn’t want to see Donald Trump reelected,” Fleming explained. “But the issue I care about more than anything else is Jeffrey Epstein; I will only support a candidate who was personally good friends with him. In 2016, I had a Democrat on my side the whole race and now I finally have one for the 2020 election as well. Go Bloomberg!”

According to volunteers at Bloomberg’s El Paso campaign office, Fleming has been embraced with open arms.

“Look, we’ll take anyone we can get,” said a Bloomberg campaign strategist who wished to remain anonymous out of fear that their friends would find out they took this job. “Our big strategy right now is getting dying old people who spend all their time watching TV to vote for Mike Bloomberg due to that simply being the last name anyone said to them. But if we can get a bunch of people to say Bloomberg’s name to folks while they’re already going door-to-door, I think there’s a few hundred million dollars we can pour into a Pedophiles for Bloomberg plan.”

“Hell, we already had prisoners phone-bank for us,” they continued, “so it’s not like we’re above having government mandated Bloomberg volunteering. We encourage it.”

As of press time, Fleming was reportedly dismayed to discover that his polling place was within 150 feet of an elementary school.