Everyone In US Soaked With Sprinklers As Trump Pulls National Emergency Alarm

U.S.—Americans received a rude surprise when the entire country was suddenly sprayed with water out of nowhere. It turns out that President Donald Trump had pulled the National Emergency Alarm, and one of the first procedures of a national emergency is to activate sprinklers placed throughout the continental U.S., since the assumption is, if it’s a national emergency, the whole country must be on fire or something.

Picnics were ruined, capsules that grow into dinosaur sponges were activated prematurely, and wedding days were interrupted, causing the wedding goers to incorrectly label it as irony. “I’m just heading out with a bucket of soapy water to wash the car, and of course this happens,” said citizen Steve Fletcher, experiencing what could correctly be labeled irony. A very wet, very mad U.S. looked to Trump, asking what the emergency was, to which Trump (a secret service agent holding an umbrella over him) answered, “No one would build my wall!”

Many suspected Trump saw the National Emergency lever on the White House wall and just pulled it out of curiosity, coming up with the wall excuse afterward. The wall will cost $5.7 billion dollars, a sum far smaller than the amount of water damage Trump just caused.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee