Every man out there has had to deal with a defiant girlfriend or wife. It’s the curse of Eve: girls naturally chafe at the yoke of the man they have submitted to, even if all they end up doing is finding another master to kneel to. But as much as she may deserve it, I don’t recommend uppercutting your girlfriend for a number of reasons. Not only do you run the risk of tainting her beauty with your fists—I personally don’t find Irish sunglasses arousing—but physical injuries will make it more difficult for her to please you. It’s difficult for a girl to go down on you when she has a broken jaw, for example.

So how do you discipline an unruly girl without permanently disfiguring her?

Answer: you spank her. Spanking allows you to inflict physical violence upon her—the violence that she loves—while simultaneously insulating her from permanent injury. All girls crave the firm hand of masculine authority on their behinds, and if you don’t provide it, she’ll find another man who will. Here is why you should spank your wife or girlfriend and how to go about doing it.

1. You will never get arrested.

Since most girls want to be spanked, it’s extremely unlikely that she will ever consider your weekly whippings to be “domestic violence.” Even if she doesn’t like the sting of your palm, her sense of shame will keep her from reporting you to the police. No girl wants her private life to become public knowledge, meaning that unless you’re a complete idiot, she will endure just about any humiliation you inflict on her. For that matter, even if she did report you to the police, they’d never take her seriously, which will further embarrass her. If you’re really worried, making a videotape of the two of you having rough sex will destroy her credibility in the eyes of the police, as if she were making a false rape accusation.

Spanking really is the perfect punishment: it lets you inflict the maximum amount of pain on a girl with the minimum amount of risk to yourself.

2. Spanking a girl puts her in her place.

One of the biggest problems with decking your girlfriend in the face is that it sends the wrong message. By expending so much physical effort on a frail little female, you’re implying that you view her as a threat. You wouldn’t try to kill an ant with an eighteen wheeler, so why would you treat your girlfriend like she’s a drunk biker at the bar trying to glass you?

Beneath all her huffing and puffing, she’s still just a girl.

When you put your girlfriend over your knee and whup her ass, you’re using the appropriate amount of force for the situation. By placing her in a submissive position and punishing her in the same way a father punishes an unruly child, you’re infantilizing her, imprinting on her her proper station in life. If she wants to behave like a child, you’ll treat her like a child. If she wants to be treated like an adult, she’ll have to put on her big girl panties and stop being such a brat.

3. It gives her an emotional release.

To girls, emotions are like semen, and if they go too long without some kind of release, they slowly begin to go insane. Starting fights, creating drama, moodiness and sulking: they’re the female equivalent of compulsive masturbation. Not only that, many girls will create drama and start arguments with you as a way of getting you to pay attention to them, same reason why a neglected child will go out of his way to cause trouble. “If he won’t hit me when I break the rules, it means he doesn’t love me.”

I wager the divorce rate would be halved overnight if men would just give their wives the occasional backhand.

Spanking a girl until she starts crying gives her the catharsis she’s seeking, in an environment that is mentally healthy for her. Her brain reboots and her desire to defy you is eliminated; her only thoughts will revolve around how to serve you better. Additionally, if you spank her for specific infractions, you’ll gradually program her to stop doing things that displease you, in the same way a child learns why sticking a fork into an electrical outlet is not smart. Females are infinitely malleable, and with time and effort, you can mold any girl into precisely what you want.

4. It feels good.

I always roll my eyes whenever I see someone in this part of the Internet say stuff like this:

“I wanted to be a nice guy, but it was YOU GIRLS who made me like this!”

Come off it. You enjoy the power and the prestige. You get a thrill out of dominating your girl, bringing her to heel. The flip side of feminine masochism is masculine sadism; yin and yang. The reason why men want big dicks, for example, isn’t because they want to impress girls or please them, but because they want to hurt them. Similarly, if girls want to be spanked, then it also follows that men enjoy spanking them. Whipping your girl lets you take revenge for all the frustration and anger she causes you. No words can adequately convey the sheer passion of palm against bottom, the anger sublimated and dissipated in a violent ritual that will bond the two of you closer together.

If girls want to be dominated, then men want to be dominant. You cannot have one without the other.

5. It lets you take control.

A few people are no doubt wondering, “Well, what if my girlfriend/wife LIKES being spanked?” The solution is simple: take control away from her. When it comes to spanking, most girls will top from the bottom; you strip her of this power by whipping her harder and longer than she wants. If she likes to be lightly spanked, you spank her until it hurts. If she likes to be spanked until it hurts, spank her until her butt is red raw. If she likes that, spank her until she has welts. You get the idea. The goal is to constantly violate her boundaries until you’ve conditioned her to behave exactly the way you want. And no, you don’t ask for permission, anymore than a father would ask a disobedient child for permission to punish her.

Remember, “no” means “yes,” and “stop” means “no.”

An undisciplined girl is like an undisciplined child. Without a man to lovingly correct her sins, she’ll keep on committing them, damning herself to a life of misery. Only when she is forced to directly confront the consequences of her actions will she grow as a woman. Psychological domination is necessary but not sufficient: a good spanking will bring even the most rebellious shrew into line.

Deep down, she’s screaming for a man to smack her for being a bad girl.

I hope this article helps men and girls better return to their natural sex roles. Fighting your nature is a losing battle; your only choice is to work with it. Happy spanking!

Read Next: The Top Five Reasons Why I Should Bang Your Girlfriend During Spring Break

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