Joyriding pilot Jason Maloney made every loopy, bizarre excuse in the book to air-traffic controllers to justify setting down his single-engine Piper in shallow water off the Rockaways shoreline Monday evening -- while dodging giant passenger jetliners taking off from Kennedy Airport in the process.

In the oddball transmissions, Maloney, 24, claimed he landed because he had a sick passenger or because his engine was "a little teeeensy bit rough" -- although he made a series of seemingly implausible excuses to land on the sand.

