I hate starting a post with “On Twitter, Donald Trump said…” but here we are.

On Twitter, Donald Trump said this afternoon that Michelle Fields, the reporter at the center of the latest controversy surrounding his campaign, grabbed him. “Can I press charges?” he asked.

Victory press conference was over.

Why is she allowed to grab me and shout questions? Can I press charges? pic.twitter.com/qbW2RjkINX — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2016

Since, as we know, his campaign manager Corey Lewandowski has been arrested on charges of simple battery, Trump is saying that Fields, too, is guilty of same and should likewise be arrested.

But he wasn’t finished.

Why is this reporter touching me as I leave news conference? What is in her hand?? pic.twitter.com/HQB8dl0fhn — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2016

What’s in her hand? Is Michelle Fields the first reporter who ever tried to record an interview? HUGE IF TRUE!!! But wait, no, he’s been recorded in interviews hundreds of times, so he obviously knows what is in her hand. What, then, can he be suggesting? OHHHH THAT IT’S ALL A BIG CONSPIRACY AND SILLY AND LOOK HE CAN BE SILLY TOO.

I’m using a lot of caps. Trump Twitter posts call for caps.

Have you ever heard of seppuku? This might be the campaign version of that.