Trying to beat Donald Trump by pointing out that he does not tell the truth is like bringing a water pistol to a gunfight. For the left, or indeed the not-totally-insane right, if you’re fighting that battle you’re still fighting the last war. You’re the Polish cavalrymen charging vainly at the German Panzers rolling over their border (which never actually happened, but, hey, the truth doesn’t matter any more). And yet, as a media outlet, we have a duty to truthfully and fairly report goings-on in the world. And you might have noticed that there’s something pretty big going on at the moment.

The fact that you’re on this page on GQ.co.uk at all, dear reader, means you either hate yourself enough to relive all the painfully stupid things the president of the United States says on a regular basis or you’re lost and are perhaps looking for those photos of Melania we took way back in 2000. Whichever the case, don’t say you haven’t been warned – here’s the condensed list of all the terrible opinions, insults and downright lies related to the coronavirus and Covid-19 to have come out of Donald Trump’s mouth in the past few months.

On the 1.5 million Americans who’ve tested positive for coronavirus

On 21 May, Trump declared to reporters at the White House, “When you say that we lead in [coronavirus] cases, that's because we have more testing than anybody else.

"So when we have a lot of cases, I don't look at that as a bad thing. I look at that as, in a certain respect, as being a good thing because it means our testing is much better.

"So I view it as a badge of honour. Really, it's a badge of honour.

"It's a great tribute to the testing and all of the work that a lot of professionals have done."

At time of writing, 92,000 Americans have died due to Covid-19, equivalent to the entire population of the city of Bath. On 25 May, the US carried out fewer tests per capita (42.79) than Russia (61.3), Italy (57.59), Spain (47.51) and Portugal (67.64), among other countries.

On killing coronavirus with ‘light inside the body’

“Suppose that we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it's ultraviolet or just very powerful light,” Trump said at a White House coronavirus briefing on 23 April, before continuing: “Supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way.”

He then suggested that ingesting disinfectant might kill the virus: "Is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or almost a cleaning? It sounds interesting to me, so we'll see. But the whole concept of the light, the way it kills it in one minute. That's pretty powerful."

On his own ‘positive negative’ test result

Shaking things up a bit, Trump reported on 21 May that he “tested very positively” during his now-daily Covid-19 test. “In another sense, I tested positively toward negative, right? So no. I tested perfectly this morning, meaning I tested negative. But that's a way of saying it. Positively toward the negative.” Which is great, and very much not a waste of time, and clearly demonstrates that he’s taking this whole thing seriously.

On the lack of a threat posed by the virus…

On 6 March, Trump was in Atlanta, Georgia, where he visited the US Centers For Disease Control And Prevention. The US, at that point, had 15 documented coronavirus cases. “Within a couple of days,” Trump announced, “[infections are] going to be down to close to zero. One day, it’s like a miracle. It will disappear.”

Trump went on to announce that within a week, America would be deploying four million testing kits. “The tests are beautiful. Anybody that needs a test, gets a test.”

…but also the fact it was always a big deal…

Eleven days later, Trump gave another speech. “I've always known this is a real [sic], this is a pandemic. I've felt it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic.”

The next day, on 18 March, he tweeted as much again to try to drive home the point.

…even though the Chinese government apparently had it under control in January

Asked on American television on 24 January whether he was worried about the virus, Trump replied, "No. Not at all. We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China and we have it under control. It’s going to be just fine."

On 26 January, he tweeted again (obviously).

"China has been working very hard to contain the coronavirus," Trump wrote. "The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. It will all work out well."

Ninety-two thousand grieving American families disagree.

And as a bonus, here are some of the golden oldie classics:

On assassinating Hillary Clinton

Trump was accused of making an assassination threat against Hillary Clinton during the 2016 campaign. Speaking at a rally in Wilmington, North Carolina, the then-Republican candidate said “Hillary wants to abolish, essentially abolish, the second amendment [the right to have a gun].” He continued “if she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is, I don’t know. But I’ll tell you what, that will be a horrible day.” Robby Mook, Clinton’s campaign manager at the time, issued a statement: “This is simple – what Trump is saying is dangerous. A person seeking to be the president of the United States should not suggest violence in any way.” Luckily, at the polling booth voters roundly rejected his violent rhetori– oh, wait.

On his wife, in an interview with GQ in 2009

“My wife says I'm the biggest star in the world. But she might just be saying that because she's intelligent.”

Melania doesn’t seem to say a whole lot nowadays. But sure, maybe she’s a genuis.

On British muslims

On 23 March 2016, speaking to Piers Morgan on ITV's Good Morning Britain, Trump noted, correctly, that “When they see trouble [terrorist activity] they have to report it.” He then continued, incorrectly, “They are not reporting it. They are absolutely not reporting it and that is a big problem.” Because, famously, Donald Trump frequents Britain’s mosques, remember?

On Mexicans

Way back in June 2015, Trump announced his candidacy at Trump Tower. He then shared his deeply prejudiced views on a nation of 125 million people. “When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending the best. They're sending people that have lots of problems and they're bringing those problems. They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime. They're rapists and some, I assume, are good people, but I speak to border guards and they're telling us what we're getting.”

And that sweet one you’ve probably already heard about Ivanka

“I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” That’s on ABC’s The View back in March 2006. It’s worth watching the footage, if only for Ivanka’s deeply awkward reaction, and the simpering vacuity of the show’s hosts.

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