Grey Cup weekend is only a few precious days long. How are you going to maximize beer consumption and hit the most parties possible at peak hour?

By following the Hoser’s Itinerary! If done correctly you won’t remember a thing about the 104th Grey Cup.

Required reading before you go further: The Hoser’s 104th Guide Part 2: Parties, Ranked.

Thursday

Anytime – Tell the man where to stick it then catch an afternoon flight/bus/car and arrive early enough for the CFL Player Awards Viewing Party (7pm). Bring a sharpie!

10pm – Afterwards you are left with three options: Riderville ($20), Schooners ($20) or Spirit of Edmonton (free). All three will be pretty thin on Thursday night. In my opinion, it’s really not worth going to Riderville or Schooners the first night. I always pay cover only to find the place empty and bailing for the Spirit of Edmonton. End the night there.

This is a marathon, not a sprint, so go to bed because you’re drunk. There’s a full weekend ahead!

Friday

10:00am – I know you’re hungover, so am I, but you need to get out of bed quick! Don’t worry about eating, we’ll get to that. The Fan’s State of the League address at the Delta Hotel starts at 10:30am. They give away good swag.

12:30pm – Afterwards, walk over to get your free eats from the Calgary Grey Cup Committee Pancake Breakfast right across the street from the Delta at Roundhouse Park. Eat, you’re starving!

1:00pm – Skip the Street Festival for now because Touchdown Manitoba started an hour ago at noon. It’s a really well run party with good prizes and this your only chance to check it out. Plus, it’s a mere block away from the pancakes at Real Sports. You get a late lunch (cold cuts) with your cover.

5:00pm – TD MB should have slain your hangover. Now’s the perfect time to check out:

Tiger-Cats Takeover at Shoeless Joe’s (recommended)

Stamps House at the Bottom Line

Lion’s Den at Early Mercy

Anyone of those places should have a decent dinner.

8:00pm – Great work! You’ve got a solid buzz and are ready to take on the Convention Center with a full head of beer. Head that way for:

Concert (Tokyo Police Club, The New Pronographers)

Riderville

Atlantic Schooners Down East Kitchen Party

The Shipyard

I recommend trying the Shipyard (free) first then deciding if you want to pay for any of the others.

10:30pm – Decision time. If the Convention Center is rockin’ then keep on chuggin’. However, it could be the complete opposite. Do not despair! Spirit of Edmonton is a short 10 minute walk away at the Sheraton! You will have a good time there.

12:30am – Last call at many of the parties!

1:00am – You’re being asked to leave wherever your head is currently bobbing. You don’t need another pint but sure as hell want one! There are many pubs and bars in the downtown core, you’ll be able to find one before all bars shut down at 2am.

Go to bed, you’re drunk!

Saturday

12am – You’re feeling a bit worse than yesterday but this is to be expected when compounding hangovers. Buy a coffee, replace the top third with Bailey’s or whiskey and carry on. This is your second chance at a free meal from the Calgary Grey Cup Committee Pancake Breakfast. Go get it!

1pm – Perfect opportunity to check out the Street Festival. This is also a great time to check out Grey Cup HQ inside the Convention Center. It usually has games and autograph sessions but has a habit of closing down around dinner time.

If you’re a RedBlack you’ll wanna be at Jack Astor’s, this is the only time your team party runs. I heard last year the players showed up and turned it into a proper shaker.

3-7pm – Beer O’Clock! Take your pick:

Tiger-Cats Takeover at Shoeless Joe’s (recommended)

Stamps House at the Bottom Line

Lion’s Den at Early Mercy

Riderville at the Convention Centre

Rnation (Ottawa) at Jack Astor’s (recommended)

Spirit of Edmonton at the Sheraton

Atlantic Schooners at the Convention Centre

7pm – Now’s not a bad time to eat at that fancy Toronto restaurant you heard about.

8pm – This is prime Grey Cup party time and I highly recommend the Atlantic Schooners Down East Kitchen Party. Alternatively you can go to the concert (Sheepdogs, Lowest of the Low).

10pm – Move on to Riderville if that’s your thing, otherwise give the Shipyard a go, it should be well stocked. You can always go back Schooners with your wrist band.

11pm – Decision time once more. This is the last chance to check Spirit of Edmonton off your list (you should have already). If the Convention Center is dead then definitely bail and head there. Disclaimer: there will be a line but it usually moves at a good pace.

12:30am – Last call at many of the parties!

Game Day

The day of days! It comes but once a year, Canadian Christmas!!!

12:30pm – Sleep in, you deserve it. Take a shower and get a nice meal because this marathon has one last leg.

1:30 – Normally I’d give instructions on how to smear our national treasure with your finger prints but it looks like the official Grey Cup Fan March has been discontinued. %@#$!!!

@GreyCupFestival Whew! Looks like you have it under control! — The Blue Bastard (@BlueBastardCFL) November 19, 2016

We’ll just have to keep an eye on twitter to see if anything develops.

In lieu of that you’re best bet is making tracks towards BMO Field. The official pre-game party is at the Enercare center (right beside BMO) and is reasonable at $10, plus it’s inside. I believe this will be better than the tail gate option in Parking Lot 2.

5:00pm – The pre-game party should be shutting down. Game time! Only one thing left to do before the race is won!

6:30pm – Kick off!

Post-game – There is no official after party. However, you can walk under the highway/train tracks to Liberty Village and find some great pubs. They always fill up after Argos games. If you’re heading back downtown try the Esplanade (more good pubs). The victors will likely be somewhere downtown hamming it up. Go look for them and tell me where they are!

You did it! Congratulations!

I can’t wait to see you scurvy dogs tomorrow!!!

Back to The Hoser’s Guide to the 104th Grey Cup.