



The Week’s Most Ominous, Ponderous, and Neo-Communist Headlines

LYIN” BRIAN WILLIAMS

NBC, famous for deliberately editing George Zimmerman’s 911 call to create the false impression that he targeted Trayvon Martin for being black, is once again standing knee-deep in a septic tank of lost credibility.

On Saturday the network’s marquee newscaster, Brian Williams“host of America’s top-rated nightly newscast”announced he was taking a brief hiatus after his truthfulness was assaulted on multiple fronts. At least temporarily, his role will be filled by Lester Holt, who appears to be of both African and Martian ancestry.

For years Williams has been claiming that he was onboard a helicopter that was shot down over Iraq in 2003. He repeated this claim on David Letterman’s show in 2013. On January 30th’s installment of the NBC Nightly News, he spoke of “a terrible moment a dozen years back during the invasion of Iraq when the helicopter we were traveling in was forced down after being hit by an R.P.G. [rocket-propelled grenade].”

When veterans started coming out of the woodworks to challenge this assertion, Williams backpedaled and told a reporter for Army newspaper Stars and Stripes that he had actually been riding a helicopter that was directly behind a chopper that got shot down. “I don”t know what screwed up in my mind that caused me to conflate one aircraft with another,” Williams attempted to explain, conflating good grammar with bad.

“Often it seems as if “anti-Christian” is coded speech for “anti-white.””

But Joe Summerlin, who was actually onboard the helicopter that was shot down in real life, claims that at the time of the incident, Williams was aboard a helicopter that was puttering along about a half-hour behind his. Other accounts allege that Williams’s chopper arrived a full hour after the attack.

Shortly after Williams’s apparent fabrication gained traction in the news, questions emerged about his claims that he watched a dead body float by his hotel room in the French Quarter during Hurricane Katrina. The problem with this claim is that the floodwaters never reached high enough in the French Quarter to enable a dead body to float past the dogged, agonized reporter’s hotel room.

Williams also once claimed that while working as a volunteer fireman in New Jersey, he rescued a three-week-old puppy from a burning building. He had earlier claimed that it was actually two puppies. At press time, the rescued puppy (or puppies) was (or were) unavailable for comment.

TERRIBLE DEEDS IN THE NAME OF CHRIST

If Barack Obama’s breath smells like feet, it may be due to the fact that he keeps putting his foot in his mouth.

At the National Prayer Breakfast last Thursday, Obama finally kind-of sort-of admitted that ISIS is loosely affiliated with Islam in some distorted and inauthentic manner, but not before dredging up ancient atrocities performed in Christianity’s name:

Lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ. In our home country, slavery and Jim Crow all too often was justified in the name of Christ.

Mr. Obama, please perk up your giant ears and listen, because this is important: Neither the Crusades nor the Inquisition were unprovoked acts. Rather, they were both reactions to Islamic brutality and territorial aggression. You disappoint us, Mr. Obama. Quite frankly, we are even ashamed to be pretending to be speaking to you right now.

Often it seems as if “anti-Christian” is coded speech for “anti-white.”

HATE CRIMES AGAINST PAGANS

Because no one in their right mind could deny that the world is largely insensitive to the fact that pagans have feelings, too, self-described “Traditional Celtic Shamanic priest” Patrick Carberry has taken it upon himself to defend this misunderstood group against those who would mock them and spit upon them.

Pro-Christian vandals recently stole a statue of Celtic sea god ManannÃ¡n Mac Lir”after whom the Isle of Man is allegedly named”and in its stead left a wooden cross upon which was written YOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME. Carberry is calling the incident a hate crime and depicts pagans as a frightened, persecuted religious minority:

There is a large community in Belfast alone and there are large communities across Ireland…people are afraid to admit that they have these beliefs because they might lose their jobs….Paganism is the original religion of this land. We worship many gods and goddesses….If a pagan stole a statue from a Christian church and left a pagan one in its place it would make world news.

Carberry, who appears to be quite the Pagan Justice Warrior, also recently lashed out at an Irish government official who questioned the wisdom of a plaque erected in a local cemetery commemorating eight women who were tried and convicted of witchcraft 300 years ago. He apparently wants everyone to appreciate the fact that dead witches have feelings, too.

Paganism is a vast and largely unexplored part of ancient European history. What sucks is that people are now using the rancid argot of Cultural Marxism to justify it. If these so-called “pagans” were worth their salt, they”d drop the “hate crime” nonsense, go find the statue’s thieves, and promptly behead them.