Once Upon a Time,

There was a thirty-some year old woman who lived in a run-down 1700 square foot "castle" in South-Western Ontario. She toiled the days away taking care of her dogs, cats and an insane beautiful toddler.

One day while she was elbow deep in the stuff that escapes the bowels of hell toddler diaper, there was a knock on her door. The knock was immediately followed by the caroling of two pug-beagle crosses and a cry of "MOMMY! MOMMY!" from the shit covered toddler (who was moments away from having her disgusting ass napalmed. Seriously kid, what did you eat and why do you refuse to use the potty?)

The woman looked outside and noticed a red SUV parked outside of her house. "Who the hell is that?" she said aloud. "ELMO?" guessed the roach child. Elmo was not the correct answer.

The woman quickly finished the diaper change and washed her hands. But alas, once she arrived at the front door there was nobody there. She was just about to close the door when a small voice cried "YOOK MOMMY! A PEASANT!" the woman looked down, and saw a small box wrapped in adorable kitty cat wrapping paper. It was addressed "heavenlybubbles". OOH! It was a reddit gift.

It had been so long since the woman had actually received something from a reddit Santa that she hardly believed there was something on the porch. She did a double take, sure enough, the second time the woman looked down there the present was missing. She was right! Figment of her imagination...

BUT WAIT! What was that in the dragon's cherub's tiny hands? YES! IT WAS IN FACT A PRESENT!

"OPEN MOMMY! OPEN! IT A CUPPY-CAKE!"

The woman took a good look at the small square package, looked the tiny sprite straight in the eye and said "There is no way in hell this is a cupcake. And no, you're not having another cupcake" The thing toddler stomped her feet and screamed something about green icing and sprinkles. The three foot monster's toddler's cries were ignored; the woman had more important matters to which she must attend.

Taking the package carefully away from the beast beautiful little princess, the woman inspected the offering. "what the actual fuck is this?" she thought. The tiny Mephistopheles darling interrupted "Present a puppy?" The woman did not justify that question with an answer.

The woman ripped open the wrapping paper revealing A CHROME CAST! She was at a loss for words. The fiend youngster wasn't "Oh." she said "It a box." disappointed, the creature lamb retreated to her lair Ikea play tent to watch Pup Patrol on the tablet.

The woman immediately took a photo of the chromecast and messaged her husband.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" she typed

"Yeah. How cheap?" he replied, assuming she was going to buy something they couldn't afford

"Free. It was my secret Santa present"

"Nice"

"He just dropped it off (but I didn't answer the door, we had a pooplosion)"

"Wow" (the woman was not sure if he was referring to the chrome cast or the pooplosion) "Well, that's awesome."

"I'll have to post something, but I'm not sure how to make it awesome"

The woman decided to think about how to post the present in such a way to express extreme gratitude. While she thought she set up her chrome cast.

The set-up program asked her to give her new toy a new name. She thought she should honour her Santa in some way. She decided to give the chrome cast a Christmas themed name in honour of the season and the spirit with which it was given.

And so, Cinnamon Frostballs was born. All hail Frostballs!

and

ALL HAIL THE GIVER OF FROSTBALLS! You will never be forgotten. You will be remembered every-time the Netflix logo comes into view. You will be remembered every-time Google play is opened and every-time Elmo is cast upon the screen using the newly installed "Sesame Street GO" app.

Thank-you Santa. You rock.