Careful, Dick. If you get too excited you might need another heart transplant

Former Vice President and Halliburton CEO and current Disciple of Satan Dick Cheney has emerged from his Iraqi torture dungeon to issue a dire warning to America: Russia's "election hacks" against the United States should be considered an "act of war".

Let's not pretend that anyone is surprised by Cheney's statement. After all, Russia has twenty million Muslims and an incalculable wealth of oil. It's the perfect candidate for democracy-inducing airstrikes.

A remarkable resemblance

Of course, years of bloodlust have slowly chipped away at Cheney's ability to assess who you "can" and "cannot" bomb, but that hasn't stopped him from beating his worn-out war drum:

Russia’s “hack” of the 2016 US elections could be “considered an act of war,” says former Vice President and noted warhawk Dick Cheney, speaking at an event in New Delhi, India. He joins the chorus of US notables resorting to the groundless accusation. "In some quarters, that would be considered an act of war. I think it’s a kind of conduct and activity we will see going forward," said Cheney, the neocon’s neocon. "There’s no question" that the Russian government tried to "interfere" with the US elections, Cheney added.

We're glad Dick took the time to weigh in on this important national security issue. Halliburton's stock probably just went up 10 percent.