CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

One local hedonistic commitmentphobe has today realised that he hasn’t cooked a meal since he was briefly handed the barbecue tongs after his nephew’s christening in 2016.

As a fast-living real estate agent based in Betoota’s French Quarter, Leon Botti (33) thought being sent home from work for a fortnight was a good thing.

But he’s since learnt that the COVID-19 self-isolation model actually requires him to cook for himself, a task that has since resulted in five different pokes of the fire alarm with his broom handle.

After somehow managing to light a saucepan full of porridge on fire – Leon has decided it might be time to leave his inner-city workers cottage empty for the next 14 days and micromanage his life skills to someone else.

But first, he’s going to have to call his mum for the first time in three weeks – to see if he can, you know, chill out there for a bit.

His mother, who isn’t taking this pandemic as nearly as seriously as she should, responds well to Leon’s attempts to move home temporarily.

“Are you coming over tonight? What do you want for dinner love?” asks his mum.

“Um yeah. If I could” says Leon, whose last girlfriend broke up with him because he didn’t know how to clean leaves out of the roof gutter.

“Umm… Like nothing too hectic. Could we have like, baked salmon with that potato salmon you always do?”

MORE TO COME.