once again unedited. got distracted with minecraft (also sorry again about weird tense shifts and if you notice any and sentences that start and go nowhere. those seem to be my common errors when i don’t edit but it’s after midnight and i have a long day at work tomorrow). this is pretty much how i planned it all those months ago, too. hope you enjoy. slightly NSFW this time :)

Since Christmas, Anna could truly and honestly say her life had gotten better. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d not talked to Elsa about something that bothered her, for one. Their communication path was a well-travelled road at this point, and it just… made life easier.

It was easier believing how much Elsa cared for her. Sometimes, old insecurities would arise, but Elsa was always there with a smile and a hug, ready to curb that particular affliction.

If possible, too, their physical affections increased. It was strange, at first, because Anna had grown used to… well, pleasing people (Hans came to mind). It was expected of her, if things started getting heavy, that they’d have sex. But there was a peace in the knowledge that Elsa didn’t think like that. That she kissed Anna because she wanted to and it felt nice, not because of a potential pleasure that, frankly, anyone could satisfy.

It was several months before Anna realised that particular aspect.

Of course, it wasn’t without bumps. One day in February (Valentine’s Day, of all things), Anna had left work early, coming home to surprise Elsa with flowers. The artist had been feeling under the weather, and chose to not open her shop that day. She hadn’t heard Anna come in, and Anna had walked in on her… masturbating.

Anna had walked straight out without Elsa even noticing, and then proceeded to engage in several hours of awkward conversation – mostly from her end – until Elsa had grasped Anna by the shoulders and sat her down, asking what the matter was. And she didn’t demand an answer, either – it was more a case of offering an ear and genuinely wanting to help Anna overcome whatever problem she was having.

It was easier to admit than Anna thought it would be. She’d seen Elsa. She’d left immediately. And now she felt uncomfortable.

Even though Elsa turned bright pink and mumbled out a reply about long days and needing some time (and Anna assured her that she didn’t need an excuse – she was a grown woman and Anna had come in without knocking), it wasn’t that scary. The conversation wasn’t that hard. They moved past it, and within half an hour they’d ended up on the couch, watching Alien for the third time.

But that night, as Anna had put her pillow on the couch and wrapped herself up with Elsa was brushing her teeth, something else changed. Elsa wandered into the living room, eyes averted.

“Doyouwannasleepinmybedwithme?” she asked in a single short, quiet breath. And though Anna didn’t catch each individual word, she understood precisely what Elsa had meant.

Wordlessly, she followed Elsa to her bedroom and slid in next to her girlfriend. She wondered what sort of rules there were – did Elsa not want to snuggle? How would she feel about spooning? They lay in yet another awkward silence in the dark until Elsa spoke from the other side of the bed.

“I, uh,” Elsa began, “I didn’t say thank you earlier. For, erm, not staying. It’s not that- I don’t think you- you wouldn’t-”

“Shh, hey, Els,” Anna murmured, interrupting Elsa’s directionless rambling. She scooted towards Elsa a fraction, hand searching in the dark for Elsa’s. As soon as she found it, she gave it a squeeze. “If that ever happens, I want it to be on your terms. Not coz I accidentally walk- walked in, yeah?”

Elsa nodded and closed the distance a little more. When she spoke, her breath came out in puffs that blew across Anna’s face.

“Yeah, I- …it’s my body, y'know? I don't… it’s a private thing?”

Anna place a quick kiss to Elsa’s face – wherever her lips landed in the dark. “I know, Elsa,” she said softly. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I totally, 100 percent respect your boundaries. It’s okay if you never want to. I mean, I’ve never… well… yeah. So don’t worry about it, okay?”

Elsa nodded and pressed her face into Anna’s neck, a familiar position. Even as Anna drifted of to sleep, she wasn’t thinking of how long it had taken to get to this stage. She wasn’t even thinking about how much she’d have loved to share a bed earlier.

She was just thankful that they were doing it now.

The second – probably more drastic – change came several weeks later.

To Anna, Elsa had seemed… off. Quiet, deep in thought (two words that, admittedly, suited Elsa quite well at any other time, too). But she seemed distracted, which was not a word Anna had ever attributed to the tattooist.

When she asked if anything was the matter, Elsa had given her a strange look for a second before she smiled and shook her head. “Nah,” she said. “Just thinking.”

No matter what she did, Anna couldn’t get Elsa to spill what she was ‘just thinking’ about. But Elsa had told her not to worry, so Anna tried her very best. It wasn’t that difficult, in all honesty. She trusted Elsa.

They found themselves at Anna’s small apartment that night. Until that night in February, they’d avoided staying at her place – she didn’t have a sofa, and honestly, Elsa was too tall to sleep on one comfortably anyway. But her bed was certainly big enough, and thus they had been spending more time between apartments.

They were curled on Anna’s bed, some stupid flick playing on her laptop that neither were paying much attention to. Elsa’s lips were behind Anna’s ear, and it was incredibly distracting. Anna gave up attempting to watch the film after a few minutes, and when Elsa shut the lid of the computer, she didn’t complain at all because her Elsa’s lips had moved from her ear to her jaw, and didn’t seem to be letting up any time soon.

Anna fully expected Elsa to pull away after a while – she always did when Anna started getting just a little too into it. And that was perfectly fine – Anna tried her best to stay still and quiet, but sometimes she just couldn’t. Elsa lit a fire in her, and both were more than aware of that fact.

But Elsa didn’t pull away; if anything, she becomes more insistent. Her body moved, sandwiching Anna between soft skin and her mattress, and somehow, Elsa’s leg ended up between Anna’s own.

When it pressed into her core, Anna had to wrench her head away just so she didn’t let loose a wanting moan right in Elsa’s ear. That was when she expected Elsa to back off, and some part of her would be grateful if she did because wow it was getting a little intense.

Elsa didn’t, and Anna has to grasp her by the shoulders even as her hips were twitching, begging for more.

“Elsa- what-?”

Elsa bit her lip, gorgeously swollen. She didn’t say anything, so Anna tried again.

“Are you… okay? With this? I don’t- I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to…”

And Elsa just looked at her for a moment before she says, “I… want to touch you”.

Anna felt like she could cry at the admission. Of course, she was never, ever going to push Elsa, but she also wasn’t going to lie and say she didn’t still have those urges. She wanted to touch Elsa, and be touched in return. But that fantasy had been regaled to the back of her mind, and there it had lived quite comfortably and without fuss for some time.

And if Elsa wanted to do it, Anna wasn’t going to try and convince her otherwise. If being with Elsa had taught her anything, it’s that she wouldn’t do something she didn’t want to. In fact, it would probably be more insulting if Anna said no (not that she wanted to) because Elsa… would have given this a lot of thought. It wouldn’t be something she’d do because she thought it was the right thing to do.

But still, Anna wanted to know why. She never expected this, didn’t even bother dreaming because why should she when she had all she needed with Elsa anyway?

Elsa shrugged, lost for words when she voices that thought. “Because it would make you happy,” she said. “And… I want to do it. I don't… want you to touch me. But if you want me to touch you, I want to touch you, Anna.”

And Anna understood completely, so with a shy nod, she let Elsa undress her.

She had been naked with Elsa before – the body painting experiment was a fantastic afternoon of non-sexual, completely intimate touching. And even though, like now, Elsa hadn’t wanted Anna to touch her back, she’d worn her shortest pants and spaghetti-strap top, giving Anna a lovely view of all the colourful tats she usually had hidden beneath her clothes.

Even so, Anna couldn’t help it when Elsa’s hands ran over her ribs, a fantastic pressure that she never wanted to end. It did end, though, when Anna forgot everything but the pressure and her own hands drifted to the hem of Elsa’s shirt. Elsa’s hands gently moved Anna’s away, but the redhead jerked back as though burned.

She remembered what happened last time.

Elsa didn’t seem bothered by it, though – as thought she expected it. She just placed a soft kiss to Anna’s cheek. “No touching,” she said, and Anna nodded.

It was Elsa’s body. And Elsa didn’t want Anna to touch it and that was okay.

It wasn’t as though Anna had much room to think when Elsa’s hands felt like they were everywhere, running over her breasts and across her ribs.

And the thing with Elsa and sex was that it was actually kind of amazing – Anna was ashamed to admit that (while yes, she loved Elsa and the mere fact that her girlfriend was touching her was more than enough to get her off) she actually expected Elsa to be… kind of shit. Elsa was a virgin. She’d admitted to Anna at some point, drunk on alcohol or love, whatever, that she didn’t like touching her own breasts – it made her feel… sick.

So Elsa’s touch being like liquid fire, burning Anna while, simultaneously, her insides melted into a hot sticky mess in her underwear, was not something Anna expected.

It was made all the more difficult because Elsa was so slow and so tentative. Anna realised that Elsa didn’t want to… well, push herself, for lack of a better term. This was a new experience, and frankly it was one Anna never in a million years imagined would actually happen.

But the 'not pushing herself’ led to a lot of mapping out of Anna’s body. Elsa discovered sensitive spots that Anna didn’t even realise she possessed.

And all the while, Elsa kept kissing her. Her lips never stayed on Anna’s for too love, but they didn’t roam below her collarbone either. Anna found herself fighting, unsure what to do with her hands. She needed to hold Elsa, but couldn’t figure how.

Elsa slipped Anna’s fingers into her pale hair at the same time she slipped her fingers into Anna.

With anyone else, Anna would have been ashamed at how little it had taken to get her to come. She clenched around Elsa’s fingers barely two minutes after Elsa entered her, but Elsa just grinned. Anna’s face was flushed red, and even though she’d done nothing but lie there, responding to Elsa, she felt exhausted. She felt Elsa shift and a weight was lifted from the bed. Anna let out a little whimper, but it died down when she felt Elsa kiss her forehead.

“I’ll be right back,” she said. Anna heard her footsteps enter the bathroom and the tap turn on. In her opinion, Elsa took far too long in the bathroom, but she was too tired to open her eyes and check up.

In fact, Anna didn’t even open her eyes when she felt Elsa slide in next to her. She was quite content to fall asleep curled in Elsa’s side, as per the norm, but something stopped her. Something was out of place.

It was this feeling that had Anna opening her eyes to look at Elsa, in all her unclothed beauty.

“Elsa-?” Anna’s voice squeaked in the final syllable. Elsa leaned down to rub her nose against Anna’s. She didn’t say a word, and honestly, that was fine with Anna. But Anna didn’t want to leave it at that so instead she repeats back something that Elsa said to her, long ago.

“Els… you’re the most important person in my life…”

And it was true. There were so many other things Anna wanted to say – how beautiful Elsa was, how thankful and grateful… how much she loved her… – but those all came back to what they had just done and Anna… didn’t want Elsa to think that she only thought Elsa beautiful because she was naked for the first time. She didn’t want Elsa to think that she was grateful for Elsa 'taking care’ of her. She didn’t want Elsa to think she thought that sex equalled love because, while it had taken some time, Anna knew better.

Because it felt awesome but it was nowhere near as wonderful and perfect and amazing as the woman lying next to her. Elsa was what mattered. Nothing else.