How it worked

A perk of online counseling is that you can meet a therapy from anywhere. Justin Lewis/Getty Images

Unlike other sites where I was able to attend virtual therapy by myself, this time I needed a partner. So I requested that my employee participate by playing the role. We were free to make up any problems we wanted about our relationship. The goal was simply to learn how the website worked and to establish whether the therapist was effective so that I could write my review.

My employee and I were in different states, so it allowed us to test what it might be like for couples who don't live under the same roof. Regain assigned us a private "room" (similar to a forum) where we could leave messages for the therapist at any time. Our therapist could reply at any time, and all three of us had access to each other's messages.

Since our role was essentially to be "mystery shoppers," we decided to play the part of a couple who needed help with communication (one of the most common reasons couples go to counseling).

Initially, the endeavor started off as just another "journalistic assignment." We talked about ourselves as if we were a couple having problems. But about halfway through, we began talking about some of the real issues we had in our employer/employee relationship.

We'd been friends for a while, but working together was new. And our long-distance work together sometimes included miscommunication over projects, deadlines, and expectations.

As a therapist, however, I figured I was pretty good at communicating. I half expected our couples therapist to commend me on my awesome communication abilities.

Meanwhile, my employee said, "She's going to side with you."

But this wasn't the case.

Based on the information we provided, our therapist assigned us worksheets that we filled out individually. Then, she gave us feedback on our communication styles, what was working, and what we could do differently.

The therapist — who still thought we were a couple — pointed out that I was too passive sometimes. I didn't make my expectations clear. Then, when those expectations weren't met, I got frustrated. And this wasn't fair.

At first, I laughed it off — after all, we were just playing the part of a dysfunctional couple. But then I realized the problems we were talking about were things that were actually happening.

When my employee said, "You don't always tell me what you want," he wasn't just playing a role. He was mirroring what was really happening in our employer/employee communication.

And while I didn't consciously start talking about the real communication problems we were experiencing, I too was often mimicking our real-life interactions.

That lightbulb moment made me take a closer look at how I gave directions and how I responded when my expectations weren't met. Our therapist was right. I needed to work on my communication.

I didn't want to seem "bossy," and because we were friends before we started working together, I was uncomfortable being "in charge" at times. Consequently, my expectations were often fuzzy — and I presented deadlines to be more like apologetic suggestions.

I'd never had an employee before. I'd been a self-employed author, speaker, and coach for five years, so I was used to working on my own. Adding someone to my team required me to do some extra work in the communication department. But it was a good investment since he could split the workload with me and free up a lot of time in my schedule.