You may be familiar with Holly, the 4-year-old Pembroke Welsh Corgi / foundation-of-my-internet-persona from her prior guest appearances here, such as That Time She Previewed The Season and That Other Time She Previewed The Season. Well, in the true spirit of amateur athletics, we're just gonna give her her own column and not pay her for it. Let's hear her thoughts on Week 1 of the college football season!

Hi, everybody! Week 1's in the books, with Ohio State's win over Virginia Tech capping an eventful weekend across college football. Personally, I understood very little of it. There's just no way whatever was happening in Stanford-Northwestern was better than chasing rabbits in the yard.

STORYLINE OF THE WEEK: IF YOU ASK ME, RAIN IS BAD

One of the widespread background stories of Week 1 was unpredictable weather across the country. Rain and lightning caused trouble a number of places - postponing Illinois-Kent State from Friday until Saturday, outright cancelling LSU-McNeese State, and creating a several-hour delay in the [reading from prepared notes] marquee game of the weekend, Cincinnati vs. Alabama A&M in newly-renovated Nippert Stadium, a jewel of a facility that would look terrific as part of an expanded Big XII confer- dude I better be getting plenty of ham for reading this propaganda

You know, these teams should just try what I do. Sometimes, it's raining when I go outside, and I'll want to go right back in. Then I'll think, "wait, it's raining in the back yard, let's go out front, it's probably not raining there". It's never worked, but I'm confident someday it will.

SHORT LEGS, TALL ORDER OF THE WEEK: KE'AUN KINNER, KANSAS

5'9" running back Ke'aun Kinner, a junior college transfer making his major college debut, showed great promise this weekend, rushing for 157 yards and two TDs on 27 carries. Kansas did lose the game to FCS South Dakota State, but he can't be held responsible for what happens around him. My peoples' apartment building burned down once. I got out. Smoke rises, that's tall peoples' business, I say.

WHAT AM I BEGGING FOR THIS WEEK

"Oven-fried" chicken wings, from The Food Lab.

Gimme them wings, boss.

ALLOW ME TO BRIEFLY IMITATE PENN STATE'S PASS PROTECTION

Thank you.

STICKS AND STONES AND MEDICAL REDSHIRT WOES

It was a brutal Week 1 for season-altering injuries, as BYU QB Taysom Hill looks to lose another season after a foot injury, Kansas State QB Jesse Ertz was lost to an unspecified knee injury, Pitt RB James Conner tore his MCL, Notre Dame RB Tarean Folston tore an ACL, UCLA defensive lineman Eddie Vanderdoes suffered a knee injury that may or may not have occurred during a TD celebration, and Clemson WR Mike Williams suffered a scary collision that left him with a broken vertebrae. I wish them all speedy recoveries and productive futures on or off the field.

YOU WERE A GOOD BOY, DIESEL

Even sadder news out of DeKalb, as NIU's beloved high-fiving Husky mascot Diesel passed away this weekend at the age of 13. You were a good dog, Diesel, and there's nothing better anyone can aspire to.

THIS HAS GOTTEN VERY SAD

Let's wrap this up with some positive takeaways. Though the competition's often lacking in early play, we know this: Nick Chubb looks every bit the Heisman contender we thought he'd be, Vernon Adams looks like he's making the leap to FBS without a hitch, and Notre Dame is very, very good right now, which is a positive for those of us who love when they build expectations all year before dashing them.

The best belly-rub of the weekend, though, might be the one earned by the Temple Owls, who shocked in-state rival Penn State for their first victory in the series since 1941, breaking a 31-game overall losing streak.

You know, I'm not normally a fan of birds, but good for them. They play Cincinnati next week, and I look forward to eating them. Meeting them.

I've said too much.