Call For Proposals The Endangered Languages Armamentation Programme

I n recent years, there have been many new initiatives launched, with the aim of promoting the status of minority languages which are considered to be endangered. On the whole, these have been a dismal failure — language death continues unabated throughout all hemispheres.

Clearly, stronger measures are called for. The solution is a simple one, but it requires a certain degree of political will.

It is well known that a “language” is just a dialect with an army. Furthermore, it is well- known that endangered languages today are endangered because they are being replaced by encroaching majority languages.

The Endangered Languages Armamentation Programme recognizes these facts, and aims to provide the means for minority speech communities to attain the status of “languages,” while simultaneously providing for their active defence against the encroachment of their majority language neighbors.

Made possible by the generous donations of several anonymous supporters of world linguistic rights, ELAP expects to be able to provide funding for a large number of linguistic rights struggles, for at least the next 25 years. For the 2006 Campaign year, we expect to be able to fund approximately 30 projects, ranging from £1,000,000 to £25,000,000.

To apply for funding, just complete the application below and submit it to our offices.

Due to political sensitivities, we are unfortunately unable to disclose the precise continent on which the ELAP offices are located. The kind editors of Speculative Grammarian have indicated their willingness to accept applications and forward them on to us, via a secure courier service. For this outstanding display of devotion to the preservation of languages, SpecGram has received our deep gratitude (and a large payment).

APPLICATION

ELAP Funding

2006 Campaign Year

Name of language or dialect

Ethnologue code

Geographic location

Approximate number of speakers (living)



Name of encroaching major language

Ethnologue code



Total armamentation budget requested (please provide figures in £ Sterling)



Statement of need. Briefly (in 500 words or less) describe the situation of your language community, and its relations with the encroaching majority language. Focus specifically on why you think ELAP funding will enable you to change the current situation.

Armaments requested (please tick all that apply, and give approximate quantities and costs at local prices) :

Item Approx. Quantity Cost Per __ assault rifles __ anti-aircraft missiles __ anti-tank missiles __ hand grenades __ rifles __ pistols __ ammunition __ miscellaneous supplies (please specify)

Some proposals require you to submit a strategic plan. We assume that all funding requests are for traditional guerrilla tactic weaponry. If your request is in excess of £95,000,000, this indicates that you intend to engage in open confrontational conflict; in such cases, our anonymous donors require a detailed strategic plan, which you can submit on a separate page.

Note: As a signatory of the International Land Mine Ban, ELAP deplores the use of Antipersonnel Landmines. We will not fund the purchase of these barbaric items.