By David Futrelle

Men Going Their Own Way love to talk about science. Too bad they don’t really understand how it works.

Here’s one young MGTOW Redditor’s stab at a biological explanation of the mysterious creature known as the woman.

Kind of a double fail for Mr. AlwaysResist here, in that this is not only not how women work but also not how viruses work either. Viruses don’t attach themselves to host cells like a lamprey and suck life out of them; they inject themselves into host cells and take them over in order to make more viruses like themselves. (Also, they aren’t technically living organisms, more like tiny self-replicating robot monsters.)

To show what would happen if women really were viruses, I’ve taken a basic description of how viruses work from here and replaced the word “virus” with “woman” and “host cell” with “man.”

When she comes into contact with a man, a woman can insert her genetic material into him, literally taking over his functions. … Some women may remain dormant inside men for long periods, causing no obvious change in the men (a stage known as the lysogenic phase). But when a dormant woman is stimulated, she enters the lytic phase: new women are formed, self-assemble, and burst out of the man, killing him and going on to infect other men.

Terrifying, yes, but also pretty fucking cool.

Here’s Laurie Anderson’s classic song “Language is a Virus,” not that’s it’s really relevant, but just because it’s been playing in my head ever since I ran across Mr. AlwaysResist’s post.

H/T to @sbassi (and several others who shall remain nameless) who served as biology consultants for this post but who are not responsible for any wrong stuff I might have said in it.

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