The television show Lost has been going on now for five seasons, with the final season starting in 2010. It's a rich show filled with strong characters and a deep underlying mythology. Unfortunately things on the Island don't always work out the same way they would in the real world. I've taken observations and compiled them into a series of ten laws; not laws in the physical sense, but more like laws of the universe, or Laws of the Island if you will. These are a great way to help new viewers follow along with the storyline and understand what most of us already know.

The Speed Limit is 5 MPH and it is Enforced Slow the fuck down or you'll get your ass beat. More sinister than any other phenomena attached to the Island is its strange and bewildering ability to have vines, roots, dead falls, branches, sticks, fallen trees, moss, mud, rocks, gorges, rivers, streams and rotting carcasses whose sole purpose to to handout a faceplant to anybody moving at a faster pace than a brisk walk. In the event that the Island is not able to trip the offender itself, an antagonist is immediately dispatched to coldcock, trip or deliver a flying tackle to provide the same function. Consider the entire Island to be a school zone. If you don't want to be on the receiving end of a beatdown, do not exceed the speed limit at any time.

Healing Powers Only Work on Major Injuries That's the stuff of nightmares. The exception to this is John Locke. Sure Locke's spine was healed, but what about his face? In the first episode Locke has a nasty cut extending from his right cheek to his forehead, right across the eye and yet despite this increased ability to heal, the cut not only doesn't close completely for several days, but it consequentially scars, leaving the gash right on his face indefinitely. I can only guess that the Island seems to be a fan of Apocalypse Now and believes that it can make its bald dictator-like guy even more bad-ass by scarring him in the face. If the same idea is further expanded on, a papercut would likely never close on the Island and the victim would need to chop off his hand in order to stop the bleeding. This would also explain why Jack Shephard appears to suffer from asthma so bad that it borders on emphysema.

Every Show Can be Improved with a Murray Head Reference - No Exceptions Now that's why you don't play with M-80s. Bear with me here. In the first season finale "Exodus", Arzt accidentally kills himself by detonating a stick of dynamite outside of the Black Rock. Siam's gonna be the witness

To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness

This grips me more than would a

Muddy old river or reclining Buddha In this scene Siam refers to the Black Rock itself, which was a slave ship destined for Siam when it was lost. It towers over the other characters. Arzt's explanation of the proper way to handle dynamite and after his death, the other characters' struggle to transport it could be considered 'the ultimate test of cerebral fitness'. The scene of course is quite thrilling, and 'grips me more than would a muddy old river', which of course the Island also has in abundance. Even the character of Jacob is a reference to the song, as it describes how he continually duels for control of the Island, using the Others as his pawns: And thank God I'm only watching the game -- controlling it -- Simply put, every show is improved by the addition of One Night in Bankok references.

People with Knowledge of the Future are Dicks Daniel Faraday: Dick. Hell no! They don't even try to stop the plane crash! Between all of them, they had decades to make sure that the plane never took off and enough money to buy up the airline and close it down altogether. But no, they decide to twiddle their collective thumbs and let several dozen people die. Nice. The sad fact is that Lost has taught us that people who know what's going to happen are utter dicks.

It is Not Possible for Dominoes to Make Their 30-Minute Guarantee on the Island The Pearl Station has a McDonalds. The 30-minute time dilation that effects the Island would mean disaster for Dominoes. Lets say that the pizza takes 15 minutes to make, and the pizza guy has a high-powered motor boat that can easily do 60 mph if not more. Well given the temporal distortion, the pizza would be 20 minutes late and thus free. Needless to say, this would have disastrous repercussions for the franchise, and they'd either get shut down by the branch office for continually giving away free pizza, or they would have to discontinue the 30-minute guarantee at that location. Business would likely suffer after that.

Everybody on the Island is Connected to Everybody Else This man is connected to everybody on the Island. Twice. No matter how bizarre, you will have a link to everybody on the Island at any given time. Your brother's best friend once bought cocaine from the second cousin twice removed of the guy you're talking to. Your mother visited a hairdresser that later became a dog groomer that prepared the pooch that won out in the dog show against their third grade teacher's niece's prized poodle's now-grown puppies. It might be strange, but it seems to be a continuation of Murphy's Law. If you could possibly be related to another person, you will be. It's the six degrees of Kevin Bacon, except, unless he's on the Island, Mr. Bacon isn't involved and there's about a hundred times more degrees. Also, as an addendum, the less people who are involved at the time, the more convoluted the links can become.

Just About Everything on the Island is Hallucinogenic Charlie's having a freakout and Sayed is tripping balls. It's the brown acid that the singer called out for you not to eat at that crazy concert, all the time. Whatever it is, it seems to also be addictive, in that people who leave the Island seem to go through a form of withdrawal and begin to crave the Island. Like crack addicts, they have to return for their next fix. It also appears that this substance is fat soluble, as Hurley, arguably the fattest tub to ever not get eaten by panthers while in a survival situation on a tropical island, not only continues to hallucinate, but doesn't feel the same compulsion to return to the Island that his skinnier compatriots do. Likely his fat tissue is storing the hallucinogen and gradually releasing it into his system as he slowly loses weight in an insane asylum.

You Can't Lose Weight on the Island Put down the ranch dressing you fat tub. These are people who are eating very little, losing water weight by the gallon due to a humid tropical climate and doing work such as manual labor and running (with the inevitable falling down). By all accounts, they should be stick people, and Hurley should be at his ideal BMI. Somehow, they all manage to retain more or less the exact same weight that they had when they arrived. The only explanation has to be weight gain powder slipped into the ranch dressing.

Most People on the Island Can't Grasp the Plot of Back to the Future Great Scott! It can be theorized that the Island seems to reject or kill anybody who's enjoyed the adventures of Marty McFly and Doc Emmett L. Brown as they travel between the years 1955 and 2015. Since Miles was born on the Island he seems to be exempt from this law. Anybody on the Island would be well advised to not utter the phrases "Great Scott!", "Make like a tree and get out of here!" or "This is heavy." for fear of accidentally getting themselves killed.