So, I'll tell my story for the benefit of the community. First, I'll state that I fully deserve everything that has came my way. Regardless of my opinion of the polygraph, I broke rules, so, I've moved on to non-government supporting positions.



The most important thing to take from this post is this: a confession of any sorts WILL destroy your career. It also will spill over into your DoD eligibility. If you're anything but a square, either employ CMs, or don't admit to even farting on a subway. Just tell them you have nothing to say and you don't know why this is coming up as false.



My story - I've spent two decades with a clearance, ranging from Secret to SCI access. I've been, what I consider, a valuable asset to the government and my country. My time has been spent both in a uniform, and as a civilian. After a very rough patch in my life, I made some decisions to cut loose. I've never done hard drugs, but I have taken a Rx pill with a drink on a few occasions (less than 5). Thinking it wasn't a big deal, I omitted it (partially by accident), then I came clean. That's the short of it.



I can honestly say that leading into the interview, I didn't think about anything. I blocked everything out of my mind, and besides, I'm a normal law-abiding citizen...the Rx pills I took were my own, I don't buy them, I don't sell them...what's the big deal?



Mistake #1 - believe the polygraph. I research everything, to the point where it's exhausting sometimes. But I trusted the advertisements I received from the NSA. I trusted the horror stories about not reading sites like this. So - whenever anyone around me wanted to speak about it, I shut them down. I said I didn't want to soul search, knowing that I'm not perfect, but confident that I'm a good citizen. When my tester told me I was lying - I shook like a leaf. I couldn't believe I was in this situation...I started thinking about everything...literally everything I've ever done over the past xx years of my life.



Mistake #2 - Not ending the interview. Whenever it became clear to me that I couldn't control the diarrhea that was exiting my mouth, I should have shut down and stopped the interview. Instead, I solicited more information, in hopes that the second time around would prove I wasn't a liar.



Mistake #3 - Going at all. I went for the clearance, and for the furthered opportunities...but I'm well paid now. Why be greedy? I have a salary that's higher than most...by a good margin. But the curiosity of working with this super secret agency allured me. I have no clue why...I've always thought they were a bunch of assholes for they way they collect on our citizens...but hey, white collar welfare is a good, recession-proof living, right?



Mistake #4 - Believing the polygraph administrator was there to help me. Not only did my administrator pull information out, ideas were put in my head. Honestly - the reasons I did what I did? To cut loose! Why did I omit the information? I honestly didn't think about it. I don't let a handful of nights where I'm just cutting loose define who I am as a person. Instead of getting these answers out, I let the test go on, I let the administrator lead me to answers like "because you knew you couldn't pass", "because you're a liar", etc... The best one I was told is "you did great on the CI part, which do you think we REALLY care about? Just come clean so we can get through this, understand who you are. Be honest and I can help you." So, instead of standing my ground...I just said "Sure"...agreeing to everything the administrator wanted me to, in hopes of making them happy, and moving on to the next part of the exam.



Mistake #5 - not understanding the effect it will have on my DoD clearance. I knew it was possible, but I didn't know it was definite. The same day I received my rejection letter, I received an email from my FSO saying my clearance has been denied.





So what now? I've moved beyond the embarrassment of going from a senior person in my company, to someone that had their clearance revoked due to unfavorable polygraph admissions. The support I've received from those that know me was tremendous. Bottom line, I'm moving on. I'm lucky enough/talented enough that there was no loss in pay, no gap, etc...



Of course I care that this happened. It's an extremely embarrassing time in my life, but it doesn't define who I am. I guess that's my problem with the whole lifestyle polygraph anyways. An extremely minuscule percentage of my life negated who I was for the remainder. Is it fair? I don't really think so, but I did agree to play by the rules, and I didn't hold up my end of the bargain. So - I accept my consequences.





In summary: I got played like a fiddle (hence my user name). I didn't do the same research I would for anything else in my life for something so big. Rather than learn everything about the company and process...just like I would for any other interview, I was ill-prepared, and ill-qualified. I can honestly say that I have only bombed one job interview in my life (probably around 15) prior to this one...but this was an atomic bombing of my own career - friendly fire so to speak.



I think my desire to be an honest person and own up to my shortcomings cost me. I never went in with the intention to lie, but I found myself in the hotseat, and trying to remember things, not only the way that they happened, but the way the administrator wanted them to be remembered. In the end, I'm fortunate enough to have the means to move on. But for those that aren't as fortunate, don't risk it. It's not worth it.



Final note - if you have questions, I'll answer. I've left my story vague enough, that those assholes can probably figure out who I am, but hopefully they have to work a little harder than they normally would.



If you made it to the end, thank you for reading my story. I've lost countless hours of sleep over this situation, shed gallons of tears, and swallowed pride by the truck load. Even though this is an anonymous community, and you're only virtual listeners, it's been therapeutic to put it out there somewhat. Hopefully, one day, I'll have the courage to speak of it without embarrassment, or maybe I'll just write off that portion of my life, and live a happier, less invaded life than those who submit to these intrusive investigations every 5 years.