ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A self-described Brexit expert working in a French Quarter architecture practice has spent the morning answering his coworker’s questions on the recent developments out of Westminster this morning like he actually knows what in the jumping blue Christ he’s talking about.

Connor Dallhasse, who tells strangers that he lost his eyebrows to shock in 2016 when Donald Trump was elected, confidently answered a string of questions from Ellerston & Sons draftsman, Sam Bradley, about what this tabled vote of ‘no confidence’ means for Brexit.

“Oh it means things are going to get worse before they get better!” he laughed, dipping the last of the five Scotch Fingers he pilfered from the firm’s Arnott’s Assortment into his milky tea.

“It means ‘we’ could have a no deal Brexit, which is bad. Or ‘we’ll’ have to go to an election, or ‘we’ might even have to have another referendum,”

“Hopefully, the boomers won’t be allowed to vote if they do have another! In fact, the planet would benefit from mandatory euthanasia at 64. Just round all the boomers up at the next John Farnham Farewell Concert, load them into trucks and take them out a field to be machine gunned! I’m joking! But as you can see, I’m very passionate about Brexit!”

Sam then asked what is to become of the British Prime Minister, Teresa May, who had her Brexit deal shot down by a record majority in the House.

“Oh, she’ll just have to fall on her sword and get a private sector job for a few years,” said Connor.

“Then we’ll get a tell-all memoir that will be anything but. Then I guess she’ll live out the rest of her days in Eaton Square or something like that witch Thatcher did. Anyway, I don’t care.”

Our reporter, who had just arrived at Ellerston & Sons to speak with the firm’s senior partner about the new library being built in Betoota Heights, nodded at Sam knowingly as if to say, ‘well now you know’.

Sam nodded in return and went back to work while Connor rocked back in his chair contently smiling.

More to come.