GIVE IT UP, KENNY, YOU'RE NOTGONNA WIN THE COSTUME CONTEST. YOUR COSTUMESALWAYS SUCK. BOO ! ( all )AAGGHGH ! HA HA HA HA ! WE SCARED YOU,CHICKENS ! WE WEREN'T SCARED ! WELL YOU SHOULD BE, THE PIRATEGHOSTS ARE GONNA COME GET'CHA ! THE WHAT ? DIDN'T YOU KNOW ? THERE'S AN OLD LEGENDIN SOUTH PARK THAT SAYS THESE DOCKS AREHAUNTED BY PIRATE GHOSTS. NU-UH. YEAH-HUH, THEY ROAM THESE DOCKS WITH THEIRSWORDS AND HOOKS HANDS, LOOKING FOR VICTIMSTO CUT UP ! THAT'S JUSTAN OLD LEGEND. RARRRR ! AAAGHGHG ! HA HA HA HA,GOT YOU AGAIN ! JUST WAIT 'TIL TOMORROW ! WE'RE GONNA SCAREYOU KIDS TO DEATH ! HA HA HA ! YOU GUYS, MY HAND TOTALLY SMELLSLIKE SPAGHETTI NOW, SMELL IT ! I'M SICK OF THOSE 5th GRADERSSCARING US ALL THE TIME. WE SHOULD COME UP WITHA WAY TO SCARE THEM ! YEAH, LET'S SEEHOW THEY LIKE IT ! JOINING ME NOW IS FATHER MAXIFROM THE SOUTH PARK CHURCH. FATHER, WHAT DO YOU THINKOF ALL THE PREPARATIONS HERE AT THE DOCKS ? HALLOWEEN IS ANABOMINATION OF GOD ! A CELEBRATIONOF THE OCCULT ! YEAH, AND HOW ABOUT KORN PLAYINGTHE BIG CONCERT TOMORROW ? PRETTY EXCITING, HUH ? KORN IS A DEVIL WORSHIPPINGGROUP THAT PLAYS VIOLENT MUSIC ! IF WE ALLOW THAT DEMON BAND TO PLAY ON THISMOST UNHOLY OF HOLIDAYS, WE MAY INCUR THE FULLWRATH OF EVIL ! ALRIGHT ! WE'LL SEE YOUTOMORROW FOR HALLOWEEN, IN THE MEANTIME, HERE'SA KOZI HIT BY BARRY MANILOW. COME ON, YOU GUYS,THINK. HOW CAN WE SCARETHE 5th GRADERS ? IT HAS TO BE SOMETHINGREALLY SCARY. WE COULD GET A BIG, SCARY,PLASTIC SPIDER AND DANGLE IT IN FRONTOF THEM ON A STRING... SPOOKY SPIDER,THAT'S PRETTY SCARY. THAT'S NOT SCARY,FAT ASS ! WELL COME ON, WE CAN THINKOF SOMETHING BETTER THAN STUPIDPIRATE GHOSTS ! ARGGGH ! ( spooky psychedelicmusic playing )ARE YOU SURE WE'REGOING THE RIGHT WAY ? I DON'T KNOW, THIS MAPDOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. ( laugh-track laughter )THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT ITUPSIDE-DOWN, CHOWDER HEAD ! OOPS. WHEN ARE WE GONNA GETTO THE GIG, I'M STARVING ! DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. WE'LL JUST KEEP PLAYINGOUR GAME... READY ? I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE SOMETHING THAT BEGINSWITH THE LETTER 'T'. I KNOW ! A 'T'REE ! YOU GOT IT ! I SPY WITHMY LITTLE EYE ARRRRRGHHHH !WITH THE LETTER 'R'. THE 'R'OAD ? THAT'S IT ! ARRGGH !ARRGGH !ARRGGH ! OKAY, HERE'S ONE:I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE SOMETHING THAT BEGINSWITH THE LETTER 'P'. THE LETTER 'P' ? WHAT THE HECK STARTSWITH THE LETTER 'P' ? P-PIRATE GHOSTS ! ( all )AAAGHGH ! AHH !AAH !AHH ! ( crash )

LET'S PRACTICE ONE MORE TIMEBEFORE THE SHOW STARTS ! UH GUYS, I'M SORRY, BUT THE HALLOWEEN HAUNT'SBEEN CANCELLED. CANCELLED ! YOU BEST CLEAROUTTA HERE, THERE'S PIRATE GHOSTSAND THEY'LL KILL YA. WELL, GANG, IT LOOKS LIKEWE HAVE TO PACK IT UP. ( all )AWWWW ! GODDAMMIT, NOW WHAT THE HELLARE WE GONNA DO ? OH HEY, THE KIDSFROM LAST NIGHT. WOW, IS THAT THE ANTONIOBANDERAS LIFE-SIZEDBLOW-UP DOLL ? ( robotic sounds ) HEY, KENNY. ( mumbling ) SAY, WHAT'S THE MATTER ? YOU KIDS LOOKKINDA GLUM. SOMEBODY TOOKMY DEAD GRANDMA. WHAT ? WE DUG HER UP BECAUSE WE WANTEDTO SCARE THESE 5th GRADERS, BUT THEN SOMETHINGTOOK HER BODY AWAY. NOW SHE'S DOOMED TO WALKTHE EARTH IN LIMBO ! AW, I HATE TO SEELITTLE CLOWNS CRY. WELL, THAT DOES IT ! SOMETHING FUNNYIS GOING ON HERE. YOUR MISSING GRANDMA MUSTBE CONNECTED SOMEHOW TO THOSE CREEPYPIRATE GHOSTS. THEY'RE NOT PIRATE GHOSTS,JONATHAN, THEY'RE GHOST PIRATES.HUH ? "PIRATE GHOST" WOULD SUGGESTTHAT A PIRATE DIED AND BECAME A GHOST. BUT "GHOST PIRATE"IS A GHOST THAT LATER MADE A CONSCIOUSDECISION TO BE A PIRATE. NO, DAVID, THEN THEY ARE"PIRATE GHOSTS", BECAUSE THEY'RETHE GHOSTS OF PIRATES. YOU'RE WRONG, BECAUSE THEREWERE NO PIRATES IN COLORADO. SO THESE MUST BE GHOSTS THATDECIDED TO BECOME PIRATESAFTER THE FACT. BUT THAT MAKES THEMPIRATE GHOSTS ! NO, IT MAKES THEMGHOST PIRATES ! PIRATE GHOSTS ! GUYS ! GUYS ! GUYS ! FIGHTING ISN'T GONNASOLVE ANYTHING ! DON'T YOU SEE, THIS IS EXACTLYWHAT THOSE GHOST PIRATES WANT US TO DO ! PIRATE GHOSTS ! THEN,YOU'LL HELP US ? SURE WE'LL HELP YOU. IF THERE'S ONE THING WE LIKEMORE THAN PLAYING MUSIC, IT'S SOLVINGA GROOVY MYSTERY. ( all )ALRIGHT ! IS EVERYBODY OKAY ? PEOPLE STEALING BODIESTO HAVE SEX WITH THEM, PIRATE GHOSTS DESTROYINGTHE TOWN... WHEN DID EVERYTHINGGO SO WRONG ? I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT I THINKPRIEST MAXI WAS RIGHT. THIS IS WHAT WE GET FORCELEBRATING HALLOWEEN AND ALLOWING THAT BAND KORNTO COME PLAY. HE'S RIGHT, NOTHING EVERWENT WRONG IN THIS TOWN, BEFORE THAT EVIL KORN BANDSHOWED UP ! WELL, I SAYWE GO FIND THEM AND KICK THEIR DEVIL-WORSHIPINGBUTTS OUT OF TOWN ! ( all )YEAH ! LET'S GET 'EM ! LYNCH MOB ! DOWN WITH KORN !( all screaming angrily )

"PIRATE LOREOF SOUTH PARK". HM, NOW WHY WOULD PIRATE GHOSTSNEED A BOOK ON PIRATES ? ( crash ) W-WHAT WAS THAT ? THE NOISE CAME FROMIN HERE. STAY CLOSE,EVERYBODY. ( thud ) OH NO,I LOST MY GLASSES ! WHAT DOES HIS DEAD GRANDMALOOK LIKE ? SHE WAS ALL LIKE CRUNCHYAND CRISPY AND STUFF. HEY, I GOT AN IDEA,WE SHOULD SET A GROOVY TRAP ! GOOD IDEA ! HOW DO WE TRAP A BUNCHOF PIRATE GHOSTS ? WE NEED SOMETHING THAT MIGHTCATCH THEIR EYE TO USE AS BAIT. I KNOW ! YOUR ANTONIOBANDERAS LOVE DOLL ! OH NO, THIS IS MYCHRISTMAS PRESENT. IF ANYTHINGHAPPENS TO IT, MY MOM WILL KNOWI OPENED IT EARLY. COME ON, KID, WE ALLHAVE TO DO OUR PART. EVEN ANTONIO. MY GLASSES GOT TO BE AROUNDHERE SOMEWHERE... IS THAT YOU, JONATHAN ? BOY AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU,I LOST MY GLASSES. ARRRGHGHHH ! HEY, YOU GOT A COLD,JONATHAN ? ( laugh-track laughter )ARRRRRGGGHH ! YEAH, THAT'S SOUNDS LIKEA GROOVY SONG, MAN. ( laugh-track laughter )REMEMBER THAT ONE. FIELDY,WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?! OH, I WAS TALKINGTO YOU, JONATHAN. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. IF YOU'RE OVER THERE,THEN HOW CAN YOU BE OVER HERE ? UNLESS YOU'REACTUALLY A-- ( Fieldy and Jonathan )P-P-PIRATE GHOST ! AARRRRGGHH ! OKAY, HERE'S HOWTHE TRAP WILL WORK: WHEN THE PIRATE GHOSTSWALK IN, THEY SHOULD GO RIGHT FORANTONIO BANDERAS. WHEN THEY HITTHE SUPER SLIPPERY FLOOR, THEY'LL SLIDE ONTOTHIS MINING CART, WHICH SHOULD TRAVEL DOWN THISPATH INTO THE NEXT ROOM, WHERE THE FISHNETWILL FALL ON THEM. WOW, COOL ! HEY,SOMEBODY'S COMING ! AAAAGHGH ! ( Stan )WE'VE GOT TO HIDE ! HEY, THERE'SANTONIO BANDERAS ! HE'LL HELP US ! MR. BANDERAS-- JONATHAN, NO ! ( all )AAAHHHH ! OH, NO ! AAH ! HOLD ON GUYS ! ( crowd screaming ) ALRIGHT, KORN ! TIME FOR YOU TOGET OUT OF TOWN ! ARRGHGHH ! AAAAAAHHHH ! KORN IS SENDING THEIRDEMON MINIONS UPON US ! ( all )AAAAAHHH !! ALRIGHT, GANG ! LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA HAVE TOUSE OUR SPECIAL KORN POWERS ! ( Jonathan )KORN POWERS VITALIZE ! MUNKY ! DAVID ! FIELDY ! HEAD ! JONATHAN ! FORM OF... CORN ! ( pop )

WE'RE HERE LIVE AT THE KOZI 102.1 HALLOWEEN HAUNT AT THE SOUTH PARKDOCKS ! COME ON DOWN !WE'VE GOT A HAUNTED HOUSE, AND EVERYONE IS DECORATING FORTOMORROW NIGHT, HALLOWEEN ! WHEN THE BAND KORN--THAT'S RIGHT, KORN-- IS GOING TO PLAY LIVE. AND DON'T FORGET TO WEARA COSTUME TOMORROW BECAUSE THERE'SA BIG FIRST PRIZE ! WELL HERE ARE SOME KIDS ENJOYINGTHE HALLOWEEN HAUNT NOW. SAY BOYS, WHAT DO YOUTHINK OF KOZI FM'SHALLOWEEN HAUNT SO FAR ? THIS ONE TIME,LIKE 8 MONTHS AGO, I SAW TWO GUYS KISSINGIN A PARK. AND THAT WAS THE GAYEST THINGI'D EVER SEEN UNTIL I SAW THE KOZI FMHALLOWEEN HAUNT. ALRIGHT ! WELL ENJOYTHE SPOOKY DOCKS, KIDS ! HEY, YOU GUYS, YOU KNOWWHAT TIME OF YEAR IT IS ? OF COURSE, DUMB ASS,IT'S HALLOWEEN. THAT'S RIGHT ! AND THAT MEANS ONLY TWOMORE MONTHS 'TILL CHRISTMAS ! ♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUTYOU BETTER NOT CRY ♪ CHRISTMAS !♪ CHRISTMAS TIME MEANSPRESENTS FOR MEEEE ♪ AW, NUTS ! COME ON NED, THIS AIN'TA WHORE HOUSE, IT'S A HOR-ROR HOUSE ! AW !AW !AW !AW ! HEY, SPOOKY LABORATORY,YOU GUYS ! THOSE THINGS ARESTUPID, CARTMAN. THEY JUST STICK YOUR HANDIN COLD SPAGHETTI AND TELL YOU IT'SINTESTINES AND STUFF. WELL, I'M GOING TOSPOOKY LABORATORY. ♪ JINGLE BELLSJINGLE BELLS ♪ WELCOME TO THESPOOKY LABORATORY. I'M YOUR GUIDE,DR. SPOOKALOT. ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOUAROUND THE LAB. COOL. HERE I HAVE A BOWLOF HUMAN EYEBALLS. EWWW... AND HERE YOU CANFEEL THE BRAINS. OH, HO, GROSS ! AND HERE YOU CAN FEEL THEWARM INNARDS OF THE BODY. EWWW, IT FEELS LIKECOLD SPAGHETTI ! YOU GUYS, IT FEELS LIKECOLD SPAGHETTI !

I'M GONNA CIRCLE EVERYTHINGI WANT FOR CHRISTMAS, OKAY ? MOM ? OKAY ? OKAY...LET'S SEE... I WANT THIS... AND THIS... ( doorbell rings )AND, LET'S SEE..."COMES WITH... ( mumbling )" ( door opening )"COMES WITH...( mumbling )" ERIC, YOUR LITTLEFRIENDS ARE HERE. MOM ! MOM ! YOU WANNA SEEWHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS ? ERIC, IT'S ONLYHALLOWEEN. THAT'S ONLY 72 SHOPPINGDAYS LEFT FOR YOU ! COME ON, FAT ASS,WE HAVE TO GO. ( laughing )HEY !DON'T CALL ME FAT ! MOM ! DON'T LAUGH ! I'M SORRY, HON. I CAN'T GO WITHYOU GUYS RIGHT NOW. ( laughing )YES YOU CAN, PORKY. MOM ! SERIOUSLY ! OH, THAT'S NOTFUNNY, BOYS. ERIC ISN'T FAT,HE'S BIG BONED. ( laughing )HE MUST HAVE A HUGE BONEIN HIS ASS, THEN. GODDAMMIT MOM ! GOD, I HATE YOU GUYS. HOW ?OKAY, SO WE FIGURED OUT HOWTO SCARE THE 5th GRADERS. WHAT'S THE SCARIEST THINGWE COULD GET ? SPOOKY SPIDER ? NO, A DEAD BODY. YEAH, FAT ASS,A DEAD BODY. YOU MEAN WE MAKE SOMETHINGTHAT LOOKS LIKE A DEAD BODY ? WE COULD NEVER MAKE ONETHAT LOOKS REAL ENOUGH. TO BE REALLY SCARY,IT WOULD HAVE TO BE REAL. YEAH, FAT ASS, IT HAS TOBE REAL TO BE SCARY. SO WHERE THE HELL ARE WEGONNA GET A DEAD BODY ? WE'RE GONNA DIG UPKYLE'S DEAD GRANDMA. YEAH, FAT ASS,WE'RE GONNA DIG UP-- "DIG UP KYLE'SDEAD GRANDMA" ?! DUDE, SHE'S PERFECT, SHE ONLYDIED LIKE 3 MONTHS AGO, RIGHT ? ARE YOU INSANE ?! I THINK THAT'SA SWEET IDEA.MPH ! DUDE, WE'RE NOT DIGGING UP MYGRANDMA, I'LL GET IN TROUBLE ! ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS SNEAKINTO THE GRAVEYARD, DIG HER UP, SCARE THE 5th GRADERS,AND THEN PUT HER BACK BEFORE ANYBODY NOTICESSHE'S GONE. NAW, LET'S DIG UPSOMEBODY ELSE. RELAX, DUDE,WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ? THINK ABOUT IT, IF YOUR GRANDMAKNEW THAT SHE COULD HELP YOU, EVEN IN DEATH,SHE WOULD WANT TO. THIS IS GONNA BE FUN !

( Cartman )♪ JUST HEAR THOSESLEIGHBELLS RING-A-LING ♪ ♪ RING TINGTING-A-LING TOO ♪ ♪ OUTSIDE ITS LOVELY WEATHER FORA SLEIGHRIDE TOGETHER WITH YOU ♪ AND YOU AND YOU ! CARTMAN, WILL YOU STOPSINGING CHRISTMAS CAROLS ? WE HAVE TO BE QUIET OR ELSEWE'RE GONNA GET BUSTED ! THIS MUST BE IT--"CLEO BROFLOVSKI". THAT'S MY GRANDMA. WELL,LET'S DIG HER UP ! WAIT, I DON'T KNOWIF THIS IS COOL. OF COURSE IT'S COOL. SHE'S GONNA BE ALLROTTED AND SCARY. I DON'T THINK MY MOM WOULDWANT ME DOING THIS. "OH, I DON'T WANT TODIG UP MY DEAD GRANDMA "'CAUSE I'M SUCHA GOODIE-TWO-SHOES !" ( bang )OW ! YOU GUYS, BE QUIET ! NOW DO YOU WANNA GET BACK ATTHE 5th GRADERS OR NOT ? I DON'T REALLY CARE,DUDE. YES, YOU DO !NOW DIG ! ♪ OUTSIDE THE SNOWIS FALLING ♪ ♪ AND FRIENDS ARECALLING YOO-HOO ♪ ( wolf howling ) OKAY, IT'S ALMOST OPEN,READY ? ONE, TWO, THREE ! WHOA, DUDE. OH MY GOD. ( crackling ) HI, GRANDMA... ( woman )HI KYLE. AAGH ! HAVE YOU BEENA GOOD BOY, KYLE ? HAVE YOU BEEN MAKINGGRANDMA PROUD ? DAMMIT, CARTMAN,THAT'S NOT FUNNY ! YES, IT IS. HEH, I'M SWEET. ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, LET'S JUSTGET THIS OVER WITH SO WE CAN PUT HER BACK. OKAY,GRAB THE SLED.

♪ IT'S CHRISTMASTIME,YOU GUYS... ♪ OKAY, LET'S JUSTHIDE HER HERE, AND TOMORROW DURINGTHE HALLOWEEN PARTY, WE'LL COME BACKIN OUR COSTUMES, AND USE HER TO SCARETHE 5th GRADERS ! HOW EXACTLY ARE WE GONNAUSE HER TO SCARE THEM ? WE COULD SHOVE A STICK UP HERASS AND USE HER LIKE A PUPPET. RAR ! RAR !I'M SCARY GRANDMA ! ALRIGHT,THAT DOES IT, CARTMAN ! THAT'S MY GRANDMA ! YOU SHOW SOME GODDAMNEDRESPECT ! ( man moaning ) WHAT WAS THAT ? CARTMAN ! IT WASN'T ME ! ( moaning and spooky music ) DUDE, NOT COOL,THIS IS SCARY. ( crash ) ( all )AAAGHGHGH ! HEY, LIKE,IT'S JUST SOME KIDS. OH WHEW, I WAS REALLY SCAREDTHERE, FOR A SECOND. HEY, YOU'RE THATBAND, KORN ! YEAH, I'M JONATHAN,AND THIS IS MUNKY, DAVID, FIELDY, AND HEAD. AND OVER THERE'SOUR PAL, NIBLET. HEY, WHERE'D NIBLET GO ? MM-MM, NIBLET LIKESPOTATO CHIPS ! NIBLET !NIBLET !NIBLET !NIBLET ! HEE-HEE. WHAT ARE YOU GUYSDOING OUT HERE ? WE WERE JUST DRIVING OUR VAN,WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, WE WERE RUN OFF THE ROAD BYSOME SUPER SPOOKY PIRATE GHOSTS. AW, DUDE, THAT WAS JUSTTHE 5th GRADERS ! YEAH, THEY'RE TRYING TO SCAREEVERYBODY 'CUZ THEY'RE GAYWADS. BUT DON'T WORRY, WE'RE ABOUTTO GO GET THEM BACK. OH, SWELL, WE'RE SUPPOSED TOPLAY HERE TOMORROW. DO YOU KNOW WHERETHE STAGE IS ? YEAH, DUDE,ITS RIGHT OVER THERE. O-KAY !O-KAY !O-KAY !O-KAY ! OH HI, WE'RE KORN. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO PLAYTHE HALLOWEEN CONCERT TOMORROW. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANDWHAT YOU STAND FOR. I THINK YOUR MUSIC ANDHALLOWEEN IS AN ABOMINATION ! GROOVY, COULD YOU SHOW USWHERE TO SET UP ? ALRIGHT, LET'S JUST SET HEROVER HERE BEHIND THESE BOXES. SHOULDN'T WE HIDE HERBETTER THAN THAT ? KYLE, WILL YOU STOPWORRYING, GOD ! NOW, WE'LL ALL MEET BACK HERETOMORROW WITH OUR COSTUMES, AND THEN WHEN THE HALLOWEENPARTY GETS GOING, WE'LL BUST OUTHIS DEAD GRAM-GRAM. LET'S GO ! WAIT TILL YOU GUYSSEE MY COSTUME ! IT'S GONNA BE SWEET ! ( mumbling ) ( Cartman )OH COME ON, KENNY, YOU NEVERHAVE A SWEET COSTUME. YOU'RE NOT GONNA WINTHE COSTUME CONTEST. ( mumbling in protest ) ( sniffing ) GRRR...

( doorbell rings )HOLD ON, KIDS ! MRS. BROVLOVSKI ? YES ? WE'RE FROM MT. PEACEFULCEMETERY. COULD WE HAVE A WORDWITH YOU ? UH, SURE, COME IN. WHAT IS IT ? MRS. BROFLOVSKI, SOMEBODY HAS DEFILEDYOUR MOTHER'S GRAVE. DEFILED HOW ? WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT...SOMEBODY DUG HER UP. DUG HER UP ? WHY ? WELL, THE MOST LIKELYREASON IS THAT... SOMEBODY WANTED TO HAVESEX WITH HER DEAD BODY. YUP. WHAT ! WE DON'T WANT TO UPSET YOU,BUT IT HAPPENS. SOMEBODY'S PROBABLY MAKING LOVETO HER CORPSE AS WE SPEAK. EVERY VILE POSITION, EVERYDISRESPECTFUL ACT IMAGINABLE. OH DEAR GOD ! YES, BY NOW HE'S PROBABLYEVEN REMOVED HER EYES AND MADE LOVE TO THEEMPTY SOCKETS AS WELL. OHH ! NOW, WE DON'T WANT TO UPSET YOU,BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOUR MOTHER'S BODYWOULD BE STIFF AND DRY, SO HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE ITSOAKED IN WARM WATER FOR SEVERAL HOURS BEFOREMAKING LOVE TO IT. OHHHH ! YES, AND NOW FOR THEDIFFICULT PART-- BRACE YOURSELF. IT IS HIGHLY POSSIBLE THATHE HAS CREATED NEW ORIFICES IN HER DECOMPOSING FLESH, LEAVING HER TO LOOKSOMETHING LIKE AN OVERLOVED HUNKOF SWISS CHEESE. SHE PROBABLY-- OKAY, OKAY !I GET THE POINT ! JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU'REGONNA DO ABOUT IT ! DO ? OH, WE DON'T DO ANYTHING,WE'RE JUST THE WATCHMEN. YEAH, I GUESS MAYBEYOU MIGHT WANT TO CALL THE POLICE,OR SOMETHING. AGH ! NOW, HE PROBABLY WOULDMAKE LOVE TO THE DEAD BODY IN A COOL, DRY PLACE, SO AS TO NOT ALLOWFURTHER DECOMPOSITION...

PACKAGE DELIVERYFOR MRS. CARTMAN. A PACKAGE ? OH REALLY... WELL, I THINK I CANSIGN FOR THAT. SIGN HERE,AND HERE, AND HERE. I GOT A CHRISTMASPRES-ENT ! I GOT A CHRISTMASPRES-ENT ! MAYBE I CAN SEEWHAT IT IS, I'LL JUST OPENONE LITTLE CORNER... LET'S SEE... AW, SCREW IT,I'LL REWRAP IT LATER. OH SWEET ! LIFE-SIZED BLOW-UPANTONIO BANDERAS LOVE DOLL ! WITH REALISTICGENI-TAL-IA... OH, THIS KICKS ASS ! WHAT A COOL CHRISTMASPRESENT MY MOM GOT ! IT'S HALLOWEEN DAY,SO COME ON DOWN TO THE DOCKS AND BRING YOUR COSTUMES ! WHERE'S KENNY ? HE SAID HE HAD THE BESTHALLOWEEN COSTUME EVER. ( in a sing-song voice )NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA ! GUESS WHA-HAT I GOT ! ANTONIO BANDERASBLOW-UP DOLL ! YOU GUYSDIDN'T GET ONE ! WHERE'S YOUR COSTUME,FAT ASS ? SCREW HALLOWEEN, I ALREADYGOT MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT ! IN A FEW DAYSI'LL WRAP IT BACK UP, AND THEN WHEN I OPEN ITON CHRISTMAS, I'LL ACT ALL SURPRISED,LIKE, "OH, MOTHER ! "ANTONIO BANDERAS LIFE-SIZEDBLOW-UP DOLL, WHAT A SURPRISE !" ( robotic sounds ) HEY, KENNY. ( mumbling ) NICE COSTUME, KENNY. YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA WINWITH THAT ? HA ! ALRIGHT, THE 5th GRADERSARE GONNA BE HERE SOON. LET'S GET KYLE'SGRANDMA. THIS IS GONNA BE SWEET ! UHH, PROBLEM GUYS. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ? NO GRANDMA. NO GRANDMA ? NO GRANDMA. SHE'S NOT HERE ! SHE HAS TO BE HERE. WELL,SHE'S NOT HERE ! THAT'S JUST GREAT ! THANKS A LOT STAN, YOU'REGONNA GET ME BUSTED AGAIN !

FOR THE HALLOWEEN HAUNT, BUT FIRST, WE JUST NEED TOINFORM YOU ABOUT THE PEOPLE OR PERSONSOUT THERE DIGGING UP BODIES TOHAVE SEX WITH THEM. GENTLEMEN ? GOOD AFTERNOON,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. A PERSON WHO STEALS BODIESTO HAVE SEX WITH THEM IS CALLEDA 'NECROPHILIAC'. SO THAT YOU ALL KNOWWHAT TO EXPECT, MY PARTNER ALAN HASDRAWN A SKETCH OF WHAT HAVING SEX WITHA DEAD BODY MIGHT LOOK LIKE. OH !EW !EW !OH ! YES, WE KNOWIT'S HORRIBLE. IT'S PROBABLY BESTYOU NOT LOOK AT IT. NOW, ALAN WILL DEMONSTRATE WHATHAVING SEX WITH A DEAD BODY MIGHT SOUND LIKE. ( squish squish ) ( squish squish squish ) EW !OH !EW !OH ! ( squish squish ) EXCUSE ME,HOW IS THIS HELPING ? THAT'S IT FOLKS,NOW WE CAN ALL GO TO THE DOCKS AND ENJOYTHE HALLOWEEN HAUNT ! NO ! DON'T GO TOTHE DOCKS ! ARRGGH ! ( gasps and screams ) ARRGGH,I'M CAPTAIN BLYE ! YOU LANDLUBBERS HAD BETTERSTAY AWAY FROM THE DOCKS, OR ELSE THERE'LL BEHELL TO PAY ! ( screaming ) FIRE THE CANNONS ! ( boom ) AH !AH !AH ! HAR HAR HAR ! ( all screaming ) ARGGGGH ! WE WON'T WARN YA AGAIN ! STAY AWAY FROMOUR DOCKS ! ( screaming ) I WARNED YOU ! I TOLD YOU THISWOULD HAPPEN ! WHEN YOU ALLOW BANDS LIKE KORNTO COME TO TOWN AND PLAY YOUR HEATHENISTICHALLOWEEN CONCERTS, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET ! ( playing rock music )

SO THIS IS WHERE YOU LAST SAWYOUR DEAD GRANDMA ? RIGHT, MAYBE THERE REALLYARE PIRATE GHOSTS, AND THEY TOOK HER INSIDE ! ALRIGHT GANG, WE HAVE TOSPLIT UP AND LOOK FOR CLUES. HOW SHOULD WESPLIT UP ? I KNOW, LET'S HAVEEVERYONE WHO ENJOYS HAVING OBSTACLES IN THEIR LIFEWHICH THEY CAN OVERCOMEGO THIS WAY, AND EVERYONE WHOSE INSECURITIESSABOTAGE THEIR POTENTIAL TO OVERCOME THOSE OBSTACLES,GO THAT WAY. O-KAY !O-KAY !O-KAY !O-KAY ! ( Kenny's costumemakes robotic sounds ) WOW, THAT WAS EASY. HERE'S THEIR VAN !HERE'S THEIR VAN ! LET'S FLIP IT OVER ! THOSE BASTARDS !YEAH !YEAH ! OKAY, PEOPLE,LET'S TRY TO STAY ORDERLY ! THE BEST WAY TO DO THIS IS ALL GET ON ONE SIDEAND PUSH IT FROM THE TOP. ( Mr. Garrison )DEVIL WORSHIPERS ! ( all )YEAH ! C'MON, THEY GOTTA BEAROUND HERE SOMEWHERE ! ( Stan )THIS PLACE GIVES METHE CREEPS.

THAT DIDN'T HELP AT ALL ! WE KNOW,IT'S JUST COOL TO DO. AARRRGGHH ! NIBLET ! NIBLET !NIBLET !NIBLET ! WHAT THE HELLIS THAT THING ? YOU DID IT NIBLET,YOU TRAPPED THEM ! YEAH, AND NOW LET'S SEE WHOTHESE PIRATE GHOSTS REALLY ARE ! OH, I GUESS THEY REALLY WEREPIRATE GHOSTS. ALRIGHT, KORN, YOU CAN STOPYOUR DEMONIC SHENANIGANS AND COME DOWNTOWNWITH ME ! HE HE, LOOK WHATNIBLET SEES ! OHH ! WHAT THE-- FATHER MAXI ? WELL, WHAT ARE YOUWAITING FOR, BARBRADY ? ARREST THAT BAND ! OH ? NO, ARREST HIM ! HUH ?HUH ?HUH ? I THINK I'VE GOT THISGROOVY MYSTERY SOLVED ! WELL, I MUST SAY, I STILLDON'T GET THIS AT ALL. IT'S SIMPLE, PRIEST MAXI DIDN'TWANT THERE TO BE A HALLOWEEN, SO HE DECIDED TO SCARE EVERYONEAWAY FROM THE DOCKS. YEAH, AND THEN HE USED THISFLASHLIGHT AND SOME COTTON SWABS TO CREATE THE GHOSTS. THEN ALL HE NEEDED WASSOME SOUND EFFECTS, CREATED BY THIS CUP ANDA PIECE OF CHEESE. AAARRGGHH ! ARRRRRGHHHH !AND ALL HE HAD TO DO THEN,WAS CREATE A GHOST SHIP, BY USING SOME CANDLES,A MIRROR, AND TWO SQUIRRELS. FATHER, WHY DID YOUGO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE ? BECAUSE HALLOWEEN IS ANABOMINATION OF GOD. I WOULD ANYTHING TO STOP THISWRETCHED, UNHOLY HOLIDAY ! INCLUDING KILLING PEOPLEAND WREAKING HAVOC ALL OVER SOUTH PARK ? DON'T YOU SEE, THAT BYTRYING TO STOP HALLOWEEN YOU'VE SCARED THE HELLOUT OF EVERYBODY ? NO. OKAY, BUDDY, YOU CANEXPLAIN DOWNTOWN ! WELL, THIS IS ALLFINE AND GOOD, BUT IT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHATHAPPENED TO MY MOTHER'S BODY. YEAH, WHERE'S GRANDMA ? ( gagging ) BLEHHH ! ( all )EEEWWWW ! ( gagging ) BLEHHH ! THERE SHE IS ! ( all )OOOHHH ! WELL, THANKS A LOT,KORN. YOUR KORN POWERS REALLYCAME THROUGH FOR US. YES, WE WEREWRONG ABOUT YOU. WILL YOU PLEASE PLAYFOR OUR HALLOWEEN PARTY ? WELL, SURE ! WHY THE HECK NOT ? ( all )ALRIGHT ! AAARRGGHH ! OH NO, THE PIRATE GHOSTSARE BACK ! NIBLET !NIBLET !NIBLET !NIBLET ! UH-OH...