The new 193 metre statue of Divock Origi outside Anfield’s ‘Kop’ stand could take two years to complete, Liverpool owner John Henry has admitted. Construction began today on the feet section of what will eventually be a wrought iron likeness more than twice the height of New York’s Statue of Liberty.

Honour

“It’s a huge honour,” Champions League hero Origi told Soccer on Sunday. “I’m told the statue will block out the sun for more than 200 local houses and cast a giant shadow over Goodison Park. If I lived here I’d be furious, but I don’t. So I’m absolutely buzzing.”

“Planning permission?” said the Belgian striker. “For a giant me? Are you high on crack? The council have agreed to turn a blind eye for a few signed jerseys and free tickets to An Evening with Robbie Fowler in The Sandon.”

“I’m told the statue will probably topple over within 5 years anyway,” added Origi. “The foundations are only 4 inches deep and the cement was bought from a guy called Nick the Greek who has stopped answering his phone. Again, I’d be furious if I lived around here.”

Stand

Along with the statue, the Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand will be rebranded the Divock Origi Stand for the beginning of the 2019/2020 season.

“What the fuck?” Dalglish told Soccer on Sunday. “Is this a wee joke? I respect the boy Origi, but I won three European Cups here and eight league titles. Anybody who tries to pry my name from that stand is getting their spine ripped out through their arse.”