A new disease has struck North America with a surprising severity not yet seen in other parts of the world. Anatidae Facies, otherwise known as Duckface, has left scientists alarmed.

One Health Care Offical said, “We’ve never seen anything like it. The number of women infected is staggering. Some don’t even know they have it.”

Duckface is characterized as a neurological disorder; effecting the brain and muscle tissue around the mouth. Lips usually end up pushed out somewhere into a half pout, half kiss resulting in a face that resembles a duck. Other common symptoms can include; over tanning, excessive makeup and in serious cases, frosty pink lipstick. Scientists find it easiest to diagnose when a camera is around or when a self portrait of the afflicted is about to take place.

Jean Thomson of the CDC is the number one Duckface specialist in the world. “Ten years ago you rarely saw Duckface. Now it’s everywhere. Our studies have found those that use Facebook and other social media sites have a higher rate of Duckface incidence. This is a whole lot worse than syphilis.”

It is still not apparent how Duckface is transmitted but seems to affect more women when they’re in pairs or small groups. Mostly contained to women it is spreading in a slow, but alarming rate to men.

Thomson and his team have been working around the clock for a cure but have seen little improvement in his test subjects, “We think the test subjects are showing improvement but the second we turn a camera on them….it’s Duckface all over again.”

Not all sufferers find it a problem. One woman we interviewed with a particluarly serious case said, “I don’t mind it at all. It makes my lips look nice and puffy and gives me great cheekbones – and people will think I always look like that!”

As we mentioned, Duckface is a brain disorder.



Images courtesy of Antiduckface