As a career coach who only works with women in tech, I spend a lot of time talking with women in tech about their goals, their dreams and how they can reach their next level of success. This is my passion; I love helping people, but I also love when I find patterns (that’s the developer in me) that can be tracked and then assessed.

Some topics come up frequently enough that I know they’re likely a pain point for many women at every level of their tech career. This is one of those topics.

Recently, I had a focused coaching conversation with a woman in tech that I’m working with to help her develop her career strategy. Some of the things we have coached on are directly relevant to many women’s experience as they look for a job in the technology industry, so I wanted to share and I received my client’s permission to do so.

I’ve outlined the issue, then followed it with a solution broken down into two parts. There’s also a short recap at the end, but it’s just to keep the main points fresh; it’s not meant to be a TLDR.

The Problem

“I’m in a Ph.D. program and I’m incredibly unhappy, but I can’t find a job because I’ve only ever been in academia. I don’t want to be in academia, but without job experience, I can’t get a job.

I’ve applied to 25 companies in the last two months, and either they don’t reply, or I get a rejection form email that says ‘do not reply to this email’ at the bottom. I’m a loss for what I’m doing wrong. What should I do next?”

The Answer

First of all, good for you for applying to so many jobs, even in the face of rejection. It feels terrible to get no answer whatsoever. It feels even worse to get outright rejected, even if it’s just a form email. So, way to stay motivated and keep your self-esteem high!

The short answer to your question is: Keep doing what you’re doing. Just do it more efficiently, so that you can learn from the rejections.

The long answer to your question is: Let’s talk about two things you should be doing that will help you move forward.

1. Are you keeping track of the data?

You should be keeping a spreadsheet of:

the companies you’ve applied to,

the job you applied for,

the date the job was available,

the date that you applied for the job,

the response you got.

If possible, keep a link to the job posting so you can check again to see when or if it gets filled.

If you’re feeling motivated, copy and paste the job posting into a document and save that, too.

Why?

I’m so glad you asked.

Keeping track of all the data is essential for you to learn from as well as for your job search.

You need to know when you’ve applied to three different jobs at one company — and been rejected from three jobs at one company.

You need to know when there are trends to what roles a particular company is hiring and how they’re hiring.

You also need to know what the keywords are that particular jobs or companies are looking for.

You should understand what basic qualifications and needs that specific job categories or types are looking for (there’s a trend, I promise).

Tracking and reviewing all of this data from a high level will allow you to find out some key trends and identify some qualities that matter to companies, what jobs they matter for, and — most importantly — what matters to YOU.

If you start collecting and reviewing this data, you’ll be surprised at what you find. Since it will be very individual, I don’t want to get into the weeds about specific things to look for. If you have trouble evaluating the data and understanding what to look for, I’d love to help, so reach out!

2. Are you requesting feedback?

My client said that she’s getting a form email back that says “do not reply to this email” at the end of it.

I point this out specifically because my client lives in another country and I’m in the US. Not only is she in another country, but she’s also originally FROM an entirely separate country. (So when she and I coach in English, it’s still amazing and humbling to me. English is her fourth language, and the first three are German, French and Arabic.)

Not only do I point this out because she’s not a native English speaker, but the rules of communication and legalities are also different in various countries. It’s no wonder that she took “do not reply to this email” as a direct order. She didn’t realize that this is merely an indication that the email is not a monitored email address and that no one would ever see if she did reply.

Why is this important to know?

It’s important because so many women will not reach out and request more information. They, too, would see “do not reply to this email” as a directive, even if they’re native English speakers and understand how unmonitored email works.

Know why?

We would see that statement as a directive and tell ourselves that it’s not worth asking for feedback — no one would answer, anyway. If we don’t ask for feedback, we don’t have to face the changes we would need to make to improve ourselves. If we don’t hear about the changes we need to make, it doesn’t feel like we’ve been rejected.

In short, we don’t ask for feedback because we are terrified to ask for MORE rejection.

Getting rejection is scary; I get it!

But, you can handle it. You can handle the truth!

If this is a situation you find yourself in, I’m going to suggest something for you that I have suggested for this client as well as almost every single client I have ever had:

Go. For. The. No.

#gofortheno.

You need to “eat your broccoli.” Rip off that band-aid. You must hear real, honest feedback.

CALL the company that rejected you.

Get someone from HR on the phone.

Share with them a little about you (not a sob story, keep it professional) and ask for their honest feedback about you.

Ask, “what would make me a more desirable employee when you’re hiring in the future for a role like this?”

Let’s be real: you may not be able to get someone on the phone. If no one is able or willing to talk to you, that’s okay. I wouldn’t give up after the one phone call and voicemail, though. Be persistent. Get a REAL ‘NO’ from the HR representative.

Follow up a few days after your first call, if you had to leave a message.

Follow up a week after the second call.

Follow up after that in two weeks.

ASK for them to call you back, even if it’s to say ‘we don’t give verbal feedback to applicants.’

When you eventually get someone on the phone, ask for the reality of the situation.

“I recently applied for [position] at [company]. My application was not selected to move forward in the hiring process. I’m looking for some feedback so that I can improve the soft and technical skills needed to make me an ideal candidate in the future.”

What’s interesting is that you are going to be pleasantly surprised by the feedback you get.

Not a single HR person or recruiter or hiring manager is going to tell you that you’re a terrible human being and that you smell weird and your mother dresses you funny.

They will never tell you horrible things. (Like, legally, they can’t do that.)

They will, however, share some factual information about your skills, experience, and knowledge with which you can make changes.

Your role in this conversation is to ask curious questions.

If there’s something you didn’t understand about what they said, do NOT just nod at the phone and then later wonder endlessly “what did they mean?” Ask them. This phone call is your ONE SHOT to get the direct, specific information you will need that will enable you to get a job — any job — in the future.

Also, take notes. If you hear buzzwords or specific time-bound experience levels that they’re looking for, write it down.

Finally, if you’re feeling bold, ask them for something.

Ask them if they know of a company or a person who can help you get the start you need.

Ask them if they have a recommendation for someone you can talk to about gaining the experience or skills needed to get started/make your next move.

Ask them if they would consider giving you a trial run for a couple of months, or allowing you to take on an internship role.

Ask if they would consider finding a way to help you get the experience you need to prove yourself.

You don’t get what you don’t ask for. So ask! Go for the NO, and be surprised at the results!

If they say no they don’t know of a company to refer you to, okay — what does that hurt?

If they say no, they can’t recommend someone to help you, okay — what does that hurt?

If they say no, they can’t give you a trial run or offer you an internship role, okay-what does that hurt?

If they say no, they can’t help you get the experience you need to prove yourself, okay-what does that hurt?

It doesn’t hurt, that’s why it’s so weird that we don’t ask for what we want more often.

Hearing “no” doesn’t hurt as bad as you think it does, so get in there and ask what you want to know that will help you be a stronger candidate for the next time you apply to a job — at that company or ANY company.

Edited 8/9/18 to add a comment from someone who was a hiring manager:

“I agree with the need to call HR and get in touch with the hiring manager. CVs are often rejected even before they make their way to the desk of the hiring manager. Having hired many tech employees myself I can say that we rely on HR to do that triage for us. And guys often call and they get passed through to us — they don’t accept that they didn’t get the job. Mostly out of ego. Women don’t call because they often feel like they didn’t get it because they don’t deserve it. But the reality of what goes on behind the scenes if very different. Calling is always important.” — H. D. (from Facebook comment)

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