The following are recently discovered quotes from interviews that William Shakespeare conducted while promoting various plays, in which he speaks candidly about writing, life, love, and even battling the common cold.

“Writing is everything to me. I love writing in that weird, flowery language. It takes much longer than writing regular, but, in the end, I think it’s worth it. I hope so, at least. Sometimes I worry that people won’t know what the hell I’m saying, but that’s a risk worth taking if you want it to sound all flowery and weird.”

“Juliet [Capulet] was based on my former downstairs neighbor Carla. And, before you ask, Carla did not commit suicide. (Laughs) But she had this annoying thing where whenever she saw someone sleeping she assumed that they had. I always made fun of her. We never dated, though.”

“The carpenters who built my stage? The best. The best guys around. I’m not kidding. I don’t know how they do it. I asked them if they could build it in time for an opening, I think with, like, two months’ lead time? An impossible feat, ask anybody. They did it. They were hammering the boards down right as the stage manager announced ‘Places!’ ” (Laughs)

“I love Stratford. I’m a Stratford guy. I don’t know what it is. The streets? The bread is different. Better than anywhere else. I mean that. There’s this one hat store on Tinker’s Lane. They aren’t the nicest people. I don’t even think the hats are that great. But . . . I love it.”

“We don’t call it Stratford-Upon-Avon. We just say ‘Stratford.’ I don’t know why anyone would think we’d get so technical. It’s like saying ‘Manhattan of New York.’ ”

“I’ve always hated my last name. It sounds pretentious. I wish I had a cool last name, like Jones or Biddle.”

“I miss my early, little, not-great plays. The ones I wrote when I was struggling to even find a place to put them on. It was all imitation, but, I don’t know, looking back . . . it was fun. So much chaos, but I miss that chaos. There was one time when I forgot to write an ending to this play that was being performed. I was onstage, literally writing out the final lines as the actors were doing a scene. (Laughs) Nobody noticed, since the place was basically empty.”

“I’m so scared of wolves. I think about them all the time. I wish we could a hundred per cent guarantee that they won’t get us. But we can’t. Wolves can get you when you’re walking down the street. I hear sometimes they even get in your window.”

“I hate getting notes from theatre owners. They’re always, like, Romeo and Juliet shouldn’t die and stuff. I thought that was a cool ending. I don’t know.”

“Some girls want to make out with me just ’cause of ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ And they kind of hint that they’d like me to talk all flowery while we do it. Or something. I don’t know. I fight them off as much as I can, but (laughs) I’m only so strong.”

“I was partying too hard when I wrote ‘Julius Caesar.’ A lot of my friends had moved away, and I kind of hit this weird, depressed, going-out-too-much phase. But, thank God, I would still write a little when I got home. ’Cause I cranked out ‘Julius Caesar.’ And I think it’s awesome.”

“Caesar getting stabbed by his friend and being, like, ‘Et tu?’—that was based on a friend who moved to Stratford and started dating a girl I’d had a crush on forever. She and I had this thing where, like, we couldn’t tell if we were friends or what. I wrote a couple bad poems about her, I’m sure.” (Laughs)

“When I’ve got a cold, I don’t want to write sonnets or plays or anything! I just want to curl up and take naps.”

“I actually think the earth could be round, not flat. Just ’cause, you know, the moon’s round.”

“Whenever I was walking down the street with Chris [Marlowe], and someone recognized me but didn’t recognize him, he’d get quiet for, like, an hour. I think I’m less sensitive. Ever since I wrote ‘Romeo and Juliet,’ I’m kind of, like, either ya get me or ya don’t. I like my work! I don’t need other people to tell me that ‘Romeo and Juliet’ is good.”

“I’m scared for it to turn 1600. It’s not that I think the world will end, I just think something weird might happen.”

“I don’t like classical music. I’m not just saying that to be alternative, either. I really just don’t like it. It’s too . . . violin-y.”

“I hope my plays are good. I don’t know that they all are. I mean, I know ‘Romeo and Juliet’ is good, but I think some of the others are maybe a little boring.” ♦