For the latest issue of The New Yorker, actor Jesse Eisenberg has taken on film criticism in a story written from the vantage point of a persnickety reviewer.

“This week, I’m reviewing Paintings of Cole, which I didn’t like, because the press screening was all the way uptown, and there were huge delays on the J train,” begins Eisenberg’s piece, which is titled “An Honest Film Review” and focuses on a fake movie. Eisenberg, a frequent contributor to the magazine, goes on to imagine a scenario where the critic writes openly about his grudges, sexual desires, and wish to be liked by the movie’s studio.

“Nonetheless, Paintings of Cole is easily the best movie of the year. I’m saying this only in the hope that the studio might print my name after a blurb on the movie poster,” Eisenberg writes in the final paragraph of his piece. “And I’ve always wanted to have my name on a movie poster. How cool would that be?”