NEW shiny thing make everything all better, say clever science man yesterday.

Science man say shiny thing is telly and books. And good for seeing photos of you and everyone, and also naked people who do mucky things.

Science man say shiny thing ‘changes game’ and now all the other science men must go away and be sad.

Science man say: “All things everyone have are rubbish. Look! Telly and books! That will be £900 please thank you.”

Nikki, a girl who has had 27 birthdays and works in a big building, say: “Oooooooooh. It do telly. I will see telly on it and make it help me buy nice hats.

“And look! It fit in bag where I have keys and little talkie box and red goo I put on face.”

Tom, all grown-up man from busy place, say: “I very busy man who need see telly on big metal tube that take me to busy job. But look! It also play game! I play noisy game on metal tube and be happy.”

And Bill, really, really old man who sits in chair all day, say: “It make words happen by pointing at it. Oooooooooh. I will make it help me say clever words to newspaper about gypsies and Pakistan.

“AND IT DO TELLY!”