Usually portrayed—often simplistically—as ironclad, the bonds between gay men and straight women have been the focus of much debate lately. Actress Rose McGowan caused a stir last month when she described gay men as “as misogynistic as straight men, if not more so” and blasted gay men for not standing up more for women's rights. More recently, rapper Azealia Banks echoed McGowan's remarks as she reignited her Twitter feud with blogger Perez Hilton, once again calling him a “faggot,” all in the process of attempting to redefine the term as “any man that hates women.”

While both women took flak for their remarks, it's too easy to dismiss their criticisms outright. McGowan is hardly alone in her belief that gay men are generally myopic about the rights of other oppressed groups. And Perez's mockery of the fashion, makeup, and lifestyle choices of famous women is viewed by many as misogynistic. Moreover, the LGBT rights movement has more than once been accused of sexism (and racism) in the past, with the faces and voices of the movement usually dominated by photogenic white males.

Despite the prevalence of straight woman/gay man best friend cliches, it's fair to say that gay men's relationships with and attitudes toward women are often more complex than what's portrayed in your typical episode of “Will and Grace.” Still, complexity is not evidence of misogyny, and to claim that gay men are misogynistic depends on how you classify what constitutes misogyny.

Certainly, the humor that gay men engage in can flirt with misogyny. From the gossipy slut-shaming of Hilton's blog to the campy bitchfest that is RuPaul's Drag Race, gay men have long been known to engage in the kind of politically incorrect, biting repartee that often makes women the butt of the joke. But misogyny manifests itself not just in jest. Who among the LGBT community can claim to not know any of the following types of gay men: Men whose social circle consists almost exclusively of other gay men. Men who routinely say the body parts and sexuality of women are gross. Men who express an aversion to lesbians, or who tend to stereotype them and/or dismiss their concerns. Men who write “no femmes” or, even worse, “straight acting” on their Grindr profiles. Men who call their best female friends “fag hags” or “fruit flies” and who put them down routinely while dragging them to gay bars or dance clubs?

This is reductive, to be sure. Not all gay men do this—not even most do. But if we know examples of at least some of these men in our midst, doesn't it behoove us to stop acting as if all of this is fine by us? The gay rights movement has largely succeeded in convincing the world that LGBT folk are “normal” but, perhaps as a side effect of these assimilationist tendencies, it has taken on some of the unfortunate baggage associated with mainstream culture, including its misogyny. Wanting to be mainstream often means adhering to the expectations of the dominant culture, in this case a white male heterosexual culture which routinely views women as the weaker, more emotional, more frivolous sex. Gay men are still mocked for their tendencies to be histrionic, demonstrative, and emotional—i.e. “feminine” and “weak." Should we be surprised, then, that so many gay men have internalized these criticisms and, in an attempt to demonstrate their “masculinity,” demean women in the process?