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I went to bed at 2 am Saturday night. Why? Because we are down to the last month of the school year and parents’ are squeezing in birthday celebrations left and right. And my son’s preschool informed me that we are out of ‘our cake’ (I have my own shelf in the freezer practically, though it has apparently been picked bare).

Baking a cake was not the only thing I had to do that night. So, from 11:00 pm I was in the kitchen, mixing up my go-to vegan chocolate cake which I forgot to split into two pans and threw in the oven anyway hoping it would somehow manage to cook through. Letting it cook as much as I dared, I then waited for it to cool, cut it into slices, and carefully wrapped each piece in parchment paper so that they wouldn’t stick together in the freezer.

Packed carefully into a zipper bag, finally at 1:30 am I had washed the last of the dishes and put the cake in the fridge, ready to take to preschool the next morning. Not a perfect cake by any means – one quarter of it managed to be less cooked than the rest of it (nothing a round in the microwave didn’t fix) -but a cake made with love that will put a smile on his face as he sits down to eat his cake with the other kids at the party.

I know that those of you who are reading this and are also food allergy moms understand me when I say I will happily stay up until 2 am baking if it means my son will feel included and be able to fully participate in the day’s activities with his friends. And the smile on his face when he saw me bring the cake in gave me the strength to fight the fatigue and get through the day.

Navigating birthdays was something I was really nervous about, but we received our first invitation to a party this week (great timing since I now have cake in the freezer), and I have to say the mom was incredibly understanding when I called to ask about food and even went out of her way to make sure that the food would be egg and dairy free.

Worried about birthdays? My best suggestion is have a strategy. Think of the typical foods that will be served at a party and how your child’s food allergies align with them. Think of alternatives you can bring so that they will have similar foods to the other kids and be prepared to make a fun snack box for them with their own version of the menu, or offer to bring a safe dish to the party that your child can enjoy with the other kids.

As for birthdays at preschool or school, cake in the freezer has been a great convenience for me so try to get the cooperation of your child’s teacher to arrange space in the freezer and cupboard for you to keep foods marked safe for your child. This has saved me so much headache, having brought a big box of cookies and a dozen slices of cake at the start of the year, and this follow up batch, I didn’t have to worry about what my son may be missing out on.

I was delighted to hear from another parent earlier this week who had been in my son’s class and said she’d witnessed such care and concern from all the children (keep in mind this is a class of 3-4 year olds) who are all aware of my son’s food allergies and that certain foods are not allowed for him, and who were all very careful to ask about snacks being brought in for a birthday and if it was ok also for him. Sometimes children can be so genuinely caring and it really brought a smile to my face to get this feedback and know that he isn’t being ostracised because of his allergies and that it seems to have instead knit him more tightly into the minds of the children.