High-res versions of the only promotional art we’ve seen from Avengers 4 were leaked, and, ugh. Okay. Okay, I guess we have to do this.

These high-res pictures have the benefit of allowing us to see the characters in much greater detail, and they also succeed in making me upset.

I’m not intending any insult to the artist—from a technical perspective, these are great and super-dynamic. But I have a lot of emotions about Avengers 4 and what it will do with its heroes. The more I look at the details here and construct elaborate fantasies of the mind, the less happy I am.

Only six images were uploaded from the eleven pictured above, which at least spares me some pain. Some. Let’s break down everything that’s going wrong here.

To begin with some positivity:

Captain Marvel looks amazing. Perfect. She has arrived. I cannot wait to see those red boots kicking Thanos’s ass.

Iron Man is also looking great. We’re probably going to see a whole lot of him in the suit so that Robert Downey Jr. only has to be present for like half of his scenes. The Mark L “Bleeding Edge” Armor is just fantastic. More nanotech in action, please.

Rocket Raccoon is a flawless creature and I will not hear a single word against him.

Okay. Whew. Here we go. Listen, Russo brothers. Listen. You come into my house, and you take Chris Hemsworth, one of the most exceptional physical specimens on Midgard, and you. You cover up his arms.

Why? Why would you do this? Even Joss Whedon knew to free Thor’s arms. Taika Waititi gave us nothing but arms. You, Joseph and Anthony Russo, filmed an entire movie, Infinity War, with a bare-armed Christopher Hemsworth and then you DIGITALLY COVERED THEM.

You made some poor team of graphic artists generate weird metallic sleeve-coverings for Chris Hemsworth’s arms, which they did, likely crying the entire time. What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you cause such pain?



You did this on purpose. How do you sleep at night?

I can’t believe this nonsense seems to be extended into Avengers 4. I hope the time travel rumors are true so that we get Thor back into one of his older costumes with full view of his biceps the way that God (Odin?) intended. I never want to have this conversation ever again.

I don’t … I don’t even know what this is. Great, so now we are aware that Bruce Banner will be able to turn back into the Hulk in Avengers 4, but unfortunately for the Hulk that means he will appear in a stretchy purple jumpsuit. I don’t like it, and I don’t like the implication: if Hulk has his own suit, that could mean that he stays around as the Hulk instead of Bruce, and that is not fun. Mark Ruffalo deserves better.

The Hulk is fantastic when he’s a limited-time offer. Please do not subject us to an entire movie where he lumbers around making angry faces and having wacky misunderstandings. Taika Waititi has already given us all the Hulk we could ask for and much, much more. We have seen naked Hulk. It’s in our brains. We don’t need this.

This is just. This is just so many steps too far. I can almost forgive you, Russos, for what you did to Thor’s arms because he retains the sweet black armor and tousled hair, but then you come into my house again, and you stab me right in the back.

Is this fun for you? Does my suffering bring you joy? Chris Evans’ Captain America beard and I are in a committed relationship, and you—you murdered it. You slaughtered the love of my life.

You take bearded, scruffy, damn-the-man Nomad-clad Steve Rogers, his star worn down with all of the time he spent underground giving zero fucks about following the rules and giving up everything because he is in a committed relationship with Bucky Barnes, and you do this to him?

You shaved that sublime bearded cheek and shoved him back into this red white and blue star-spangled monstrosity. You did that. That is an act of aggression and also deeply, deeply hurtful.

Have you no sense of decency, sirs, at long last?

(via Twitter, images: Marvel Studios)

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