Hey, are you a time traveler missing a 250-year-old dildo? Because some Polish archaeologists found it. They're probably not gonna give it back.


Discovery News reports that archaeologists found this slimy antique wang in an old latrine in Gdańsk, Poland. (They also found bits of wooden swords nearby, so this might've been the shitter for a fencing school. Why somebody brought their dildo to fencing school is not a question I am qualified to answer.) They estimate the schlong dates from sometime between 1750 and 1800—a contemporary of the American and French revolutions!—and was "preserved in excellent condition," according to the Regional Office for the Protection of Monuments.

It is "large, thick, made of leather filled with bristles, and has a wooden tip." Everybody knows the discriminating dildo buyer wants a wooden tip; it's the very pinnacle of dildo design. Archaeologists say it was a really high-end piece:

"It was certainly expensive. Cleaning revealed it was made of high quality leather," Marcin Tymiński at the Regional Office for the Protection of Monuments said in an interview with Radio Gdańsk. "This is an extraordinary find for people researching the history of erotica," he added.


A great day for dildologists across the globe.