Posted on Wednesday, May 31, 2017 at 4:00PM

“What happened to GJB?”

“Are you guys okay?”

“When is the next episode coming out?”

I have probably circulated and responded every nebulous permutation of The Short Answer: “Sorry, life happened.”

Don't worry, GJB isn't ending! It just isn't coming out as regular as before. But something seemingly minor happened today that is inspiring me to share The Long Answer. (We sure like our questions and answers here at GJB!)

I had a troubling relationship at home for numerous years. And in retrospect, a lot of the effort and time spent on GJB or on my other “cool” activities (running races, cosplay, writing books, having a tech job) was really a form of escapism. I overloaded myself with so much distraction to the point of having multiple crippling meltdowns just so I didn’t have to deal with the bad situation at home. I was in constant denial. It was not healthy, *I* was not healthy, and it made life at home even worse.

I somehow hoped that if my output to the world was bright enough, no one would suspect how dark it really was.

Almost a year ago, something big happened that I legally can't talk about. It was like a tornado siren that finally woke everyone up and I finally realized, I have to leave and get myself to safety. And I did, I moved out— even though it felt like the warpath of the tornado pretty much destroyed everything I had, and everything I knew. I was relieved that my eyes finally had opened, but the hardest part was finally seeing the emptiness and rubble I now was standing in. And then I found out my uterus was having problems.

Then I had to take time to rebuild while dealing with the aftershock of legal and emotional matters. I’ve gone to a lot of support groups and sessions with my therapist to help me manage all my fear, rage, and pain. Ironically, devoting time to let my brain heal and rest meant I had very little time to work on Good Job, Brain! I’ll admit - it was difficult recording some of those GJB episodes during this time. I had to force every word out of my mouth; keeping up the cheeriness for my GJB friends, and downplaying the severity of my situation. And our recording and editing schedule became less frequent and more irregular.



Fast forward to today.

GJB listener Vanessa Mathieu posted on the GJB Facebook page to congratulate us on being nominated for 2017 The Academy of Podcasters for Best Games and Hobbies Podcast.

Shocking and humbled? Yes and yes! Despite the fact that I run a podcast, I’m really not that up on my knowledge of awards given to podcast. To be honest, I’m actually embarrassed by this nomination since we’ve been only put out a handful of new episodes in 2017 but yet, here we are: this little blip amidst the vast internet landscape is recognized to be something worth mentioning. And it hit me, though our publishing schedule is extremely crappy, the content we put out is something people actually enjoy. Because in the end, learning is fun. Being curious is great... but being curious together is even better.

And now, my being, my brain, my relationships; they’re all on the mend. Different, but better. I finally have settled down in a place after relocating a few times, the divorce process is annoying but it's going, still going to trauma therapy, going to support groups to now help others in similar situations cope, and finding/appreciating love from friends and family. And weirdly enough, I am grateful for all of it - the good stuff and the very bad stuff. GJB wouldn’t have become the thing it is today. I wouldn’t have become the person I am today.

-Karen

PS. New episodes are still being recorded, just not on a very regular schedule. I’ll update the site this weekend since it’s not showing the newer episodes. But you can always use our podcast RSS feed on podcast apps since they’re more reliable!

PPS. Thank you all.

PPPS. I've learned that no one is ever alone. Whatever you're dealing with, there's a support group for almost everything and anything.