By Donald Trump

FOR a rambling, bigoted shithead, I have done surprisingly well in the midterm elections.

I lack any qualities traditionally considered presidential, but have held control of the Senate and only lost the House of Representatives which I don’t even care about.

This would be a decent midterm result for a decent president. But it’s a major-league win for a jerkwad like me.

I’ve proven that it doesn’t matter how racist, corrupt, petty or just plain dumbfuck stupid I am, about half the country will vote for me regardless. That’s a hell of a building block for 2020.

All the Democrats need to do is run the wrong candidate, like a woman or a boring guy or a guy who’s annoyingly smart, and I will steamroller them.

In fact I might just claim I’m running against Hillary, ignoring whoever it actually is, and shout ‘lock her up’ and that’s probably enough for a win.

It’s great being a shithead in America.