IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact

Researchers from Australia’s peak scientific body have held a press conference in Sydney this afternoon just hours before the Wallabies showdown against New Zealand to explain that they’ve found a link between our nation’s most ordinary rugby jerseys and winning Test matches.

Speaking to four journalists this afternoon, Dennis Brockman from the CSIRO said that they’ve been looking at old tapes in the lead up to this year’s Bledisloe Cup opener in Australia’s second worst city where they noticed something shocking.

“It seems we win more games when the jerseys aren’t skin tight and collarless,” he said.

“Therefore, we would recommend to the ARU that in order for us to win the Bledisloe this year and the big old Webb Ellis next year, we need to make a visually offensive jersey with a snazzy collar the size of a dugong,”

“Honestly, we’ve put our heads together and this is what we’ve come up with.”

The Advocate reached out to the ARU for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.