The next morning I had almost completely forgotten about everything that had occurred over the weekend. However, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling (which was hopelessly devoid of badass lady posters) the double date, the game, the kiss, and the lie all came back in a rushing gust and I burst out into manic laughter at the ridiculousness of it all because it was the only thing I could do.

At the noise, Kristoff sat straight up in his bed in fright.

"What? What happened? Are you okay?"

This dramatic reaction made me laugh harder.

"Are you going insane?" I just continued laughing. He was right. I'm a madwoman. I could tell through my giggles that he was also amused but he pretended like he wasn't. When I didn't answer his question he threw his pillow at me, hitting my torso and making me squeal. "Will you shut up already? What are you laughing about?"

By this time he was chuckling too and I was at the point of incoherence and breathlessness.

Happy Monday.

We didn't talk about anything of any importance as we both dressed and got ready for the day. This was a relief because I wasn't sure what to say anyway. I had already dug myself in so deep I was becoming anxious thinking about what was going to happen once my secret was out and all the lies became unraveled.

I had to shake myself off of this line of thought before I gave myself a hernia.

On the way to English I noticed brand new rainbow-y posters plastered all over the dorm hallways and language arts bulletin boards. Finally after seeing the 8th one my curiosity got the best of me and I broke from a string of students heading up the stairs to the third floor to read one up close. It was an advertisement for auditions for a student-produced drag show, men and women welcome. Blah blah blah, something about a lipsync battle…

Well it sounded fun but I also couldn't help thinking how random it was for Milton to put on a drag show. If mom knew about the kinds of events the admins let the students do and the punishments allowed from losing half-hearted paintball games she probably wouldn't think as highly of the school as she always has. Just sayin'.

I was still investigating the drag show audition poster when a voice from behind me made me jump.

"Are you going to audition?"

I turned quickly and immediately recognized the hair and glasses.

"God Gerda, you can't just sneak up on people like that." I put a hand on my chest to feign hurt.

"I'm quiet sometimes," was all she said. She continued bluntly but not unkindly, "an awareness of your surroundings could help you not be startled by something you perceive as a surprise."

"I'll work on that."

I started on my way toward Mr. Oaken's classroom, Gerda following at my side.

"Are you going to audition for the drag show?" she asked again, hugging what I guessed was her copy of Macbeth to her chest.

"Probably not. What is it anyway?"

"I don't know, I've never gone."

"Is it like an annual thing?"

"Oh, yes. It's one of Milton's most attended events."

Soccer games could be well attended if the admins cared at all, I thought but kept that salty tidbit to myself.

English was boring as usual but since I had finally gotten caught up on sleep there was not enough tired in me to let my mind slip in and out of consciousness. The price of alertness, I guess. Near the end of class, Oaken slipped by my desk after bidding the class look for textual evidence of simile in Act IV of the damned Shakespeare curse play and slyly deposited another anti-balding ointment onto my desk. I suppressed an eye-roll as he winked at me and sidled away.

When I got back to my room I was shocked to find a very tall woman in it-

Which is what it seemed like until she turned around and I realized it was Kristoff in a very bad wig.

"What the hell?!" I shouted instinctively.

"Hey Ladies' Man!" he said jovially and without a hint of embarrassment. "What's up?"

"What are you doing?" I sputtered. "Where did you get that wig?"

"I've had it since last year. It's a little squished but I think it'll do the job again."

"Wait, are you telling me you're doing the drag show?"

"Oh good, you do know about it!"

"Yeah, I saw posters everywhere. What's the big deal?"

"It's just fun. Everyone who has a sense of humor participates. You should too! You're short and your nose is small, you could probably pass pretty easily for a girl. You should audition with me! We could do a duet."

"I- uhm-"

"Yeah! We could do that one Sisters song from White Christmas or a Nicki/Beyonce song - I think I'd be Nicki though because I can rap - well, as well as a white guy can-"

At this point I held up a hand to stop the flow of nonsense. How did he even know these obscure 1950s musical movie songs anyway? This guy was a never-ending flow of surprises.

"Hold up! I can't just learn a song and find an outfit to wear by this afternoon."

"We can do a song you already know all the words to! No one cares if there's no choreography either, you kinda just prance around the stage and lipsync. The more flamboyant the better."

"Great…" I said.

"And I know you have at least a pair of ladies' underwear…" When I raised my eyebrows at him he quickly continued. "I'm not saying you should wear them! But I'm sure you have other things tucked around. Or can you borrow something from your sister? C'mon Ladies' Man, this could be so fun! Roommate bonding, bro!"

I stared at his pleading puppy dog expression for a few seconds, mulling it over. I didn't want to have too good of a performance and make everyone suspicious of my true identity. Then again, since I was actually a girl and not an unattractive one by any means, it would be really easy to charm the pants off of the school and beat any competition. But before I made my decision I had one more thing to consider…

"Is there a prize if you win?" I asked after a few moments of deep thought, Kristoff watching expectantly.

"Fifty dollars."

My face split into a grin.

"I'm in!" Risks be damned.

The excitement that emanated from Kristoff was almost indecent. This drag show was indeed a big deal for reasons unfathomable to me. For the next three hours we brainstormed music and outfits, Kristoff even skipping his own English class to help me prep. Finally at three o'clock, we marched over to the music building to line up outside of the theatre with the rest of the RuPaul wannabees. I was surprised to find that there were even some Kings auditioning, sponged-on beards and all.

I was wearing the fanciest sundress I had managed to hide in the depths of my suitcase but kept my wig hair the same, claiming that if our piece got in I would go out and "buy a wig" (which actually just meant that I would take my "Hans" one off and let my real hair fly free). I also had to help Kristoff with makeup but had to pretend I didn't know as much as I actually did, so I just slapped it on in an embarrassingly novice fashion.

I did my own makeover first and showed Kristoff: his eyes had gone wide and the blood had drained from his face. The health concerns were frightening enough - he looked as pale as a ghost - but the reaction was a huge red flag. Had he realized that he had been living with a girl for a week and that I wasn't Hans?

Thankfully, this didn't seem to be the case.

"Wow," he had said.

"What? Do I make an ugly girl?" I had said, trying to cover up my embarrassment at being gawked at.

"No, no, you look just like one. You're almost… kinda pretty…"

"Oh, shove off," I had said, punching him in the shoulder to get back to the bro atmosphere.

"What?" he had said, feigning hurt. "Is that a bad thing."

"No," I had said quickly. "But I'm not a girl, yo. Now sit down and I'll do your makeup. It's almost time."

We had decided on using Lady Gaga's Telephone. I was to be the Lady herself and he would come in for Queen Bey's featured part. Why I got saddled with the starring role is beyond me. Anyway, there was a lot of prancing in high heels and holding of fingers in a phone gesture to our faces. The auditioners laughed and that seemed like a good sign.

I had to admit… it was sort of fun. The only problem was the fact that Kristoff was treating me so differently with my face all made up and me wearing the sundress and all. Maybe the risk was too great.

But when the list came out nearly five minutes after auditions were over and we saw that we were on it I was sufficiently distracted and didn't think about Kristoff's reaction for the rest of the night.

That is, until I decided to take a late night shower. Kristoff had gone off to hang out with his friend Sven, whose dorm, apparently, was just down the hall from ours. I found I had to shower either late at night or early in the morning so that no innocent boy eyes were treated to a sight they were not expecting from another boy. I'm talking tittes, here, folks.

So there I was in the shower taking off the rest of the eyeliner that my hasty face wash had missed and who walked into the bathroom but the two people I did not want to see me naked? Kristoff and Sven of course.

I knew it was them immediately because only Kristoff would kick in the damn door like the king of Sparta. I could just barely hear their conversation over the drumming of the shower so I pressed myself as close to the curtain as I could without moving it so as to eavesdrop.

"Okay," Sven was saying. His voice did sound familiar. "What did you want to tell me that my roommate couldn't hear?"

"So…" Kristoff sounded apprehensive. "Okay, this is gonna sound really strange so don't judge me and bear with me…"

"Dude. Out with it. Stop beating around the bush."

"Okay," Kristoff dropped his voice enough that I had to hold my breath to hear him.

"I've been thinking about it all day. It's so weird. But like… when Hans was all done up in his drag outfit he looked… like, super pretty."

"Okay…?"

"That's it."

"C'mon dude. Are you telling me that you have a bro-crush on Hans because he looks good as a girl?"

"I guess? But no homo, man."

"Can you not with that offensive shit? You're probably just aesthetically attracted to him in drag because he's so small-"

"That's what I said!" Kristoff was talking really loudly again.

"-and yeah that's sort of gay in like a homo way but dude whatever. Shit happens. Just don't think about it. Watch some porn. You'll be fine."

By this time I was pondering how I could get out of here alive and uncaught. I looked around desperately, wondering if I could pull off innocence if I stepped out of the showers and walked right into a conversation of which I was the subject. My eye caught the shower handle. I stared at it, listening for more talking and measuring my bravery. Would the sudden silence make them flee? I took a deep breath and shut off the stream of water. Dripping and naked, I listened for any noise. Nothing. Then, I wrapped my long Anna hair into one towel and secured another around my body. I stepped out of the shower cautiously, arms pressing my breasts flat just in case.

They were gone.

Thankfully, I got off scott-free this time - my ICI successfully held up for another night. But things were becoming more and more complicated by the second. Kristoff now had the hots for cross-dressed "Hans"… which I guess meant that he had the hots for me! Like, real me, Anna me! Poor guy thinks he likes a guy in drag when it actually is a girl…

The only thing that kept me from losing my mind as I finally laid down to sleep was that Elsa had not seen me in "drag". Her discerning, straight-A mind could mean trouble and seeing "Hans" as a girl could be the tipping point. I took comfort in the fact that tomorrow I had chem with both her and Kristoff and could execute some much-needed damage control.

A/N: Finally earned my Bachelor's degree and am back for the home stretch. Ya'll are such a patient group. I don't deserve you.