God’s A Failure!

A Christian recently said on Twitter that God’s plan was for Adam and Eve to live forever in the Garden of Eden. This view is fairly common among fundamentalists and it shows a key plot-hole in the whole system. It shows that God is a failure.

God created this perfect plan and then Eve came along and fucked it all up. As a result, women are to be forever cursed to experience pain during childbirth and humans can no longer live forever. Fundamentalists and many other Christians view this as original sin and blame human beings for creating a “rift” between man and God. But a more accurate take away from this story is that God fucked up.

Apparently God’s “perfect plan” wasn’t so perfect. If it was perfect, then Eve couldn’t have ruined the plan. The plan would have taken her actions into account. Therefore, according to the story, it wasn’t Eve’s fault at all; the fault lies with God’s plan. Since God is the plan maker, the buck stops with him. Eve wasn’t the problem at all; God was the problem. His plan sucked and it didn’t work. He should have had a better plan that actually worked.

But let’s not play the blame game here. The important part is that this Original Sin caused a rift between man and God. Forget women, they are mere property anyway. They’re God’s afterthought to make man happy. He did create them out of man’s rib after all. But I digress. So Adam eating the “apple” caused a rift between man and God which could only be fixed through the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ. That makes perfect sense.

This is God’s new perfect plan to fix the problems with his pervious perfect plan. This plan however sucks too. With this plan billions of people are destined to be tortured for all eternity because they either lack sufficient evidence or have been compelled to believe in some other deity as a result of factors not the least of which include geography and indoctrination. If God really wanted to prevent people from this destined fate, I think he could have come up with a better plan to do it – like I don’t know, just use his divine power to close this imagined rift. It wouldn’t even take a thought. “Thy will be done” and all that jazz. Problem solved.

Instead, there is this elaborate scheme of waiting several generations, raping a virgin, waiting for the little squirt to reach the magic age of 33, having him tortured for three days before allowing him to die for three days, then bringing him back to life, whispering this ridiculous tale in the ears of anonymous bronze aged men years later, and sitting back and watching them butcher what your told them to write down. At the end of it all, this elaborate scheme doesn’t even work very well since billions of people still end up being tortured for all eternity in Hell by no fault of their own.

It’s not my fault that this plan sucks. I can’t help it if I couldn’t possibly believe that a perfect divine being would have created such a ridiculously flawed plan. If God’s plan was any good, it would be pretty obvious to me and everyone else. There would be no atheists, no Hell, no rift, and we would all be living happily ever after forever and ever in Eden right now.

Instead, this story only convinces me that God is either an idiot not worthy of any kind of worship or that he doesn’t exist at all and is just the creation of idiots who really didn’t think this whole thing through. In all likelihood, the definition of God has changed over the years and so the more perfect God became in the story, the more ridiculous the story became. Plot-holes like these never got the rewrite they needed and so now the whole thing just seems silly.

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