High Court Judge asked to decide how often man could see the little boy

The man then had no contact with his son, now aged four, for two years

Mr Justice Hayden (pictured) heard evidence at a hearing in the Family Division of the High Court in London and approved contact arrangements

A lonely man who found a lesbian mother for his baby on an internet site has won a high court battle to give him paternal rights after the woman became fed up with pretending to be his girlfriend for his family.

The couple, who cannot be named for legal reasons, found themselves in court after relations deteriorated between the two, meaning the man had not seen his son, now aged four, for almost two years.

A court heard the man, who admitted finding it difficult to develop relationships with women, moved into a 'fantasy world' after meeting a lesbian woman via a website called 'CoParentMatch' and providing semen so that she could impregnate herself.

Following the birth of their son relations between the two deteriorated and the judge was asked to decide how often the man could see the boy.

Mr Justice Hayden heard evidence at a hearing in the Family Division of the High Court in London and approved detailed arrangements for contact between the man and his son.

He did not identify the pair - although he said both lived in southern England and the woman, who had given birth when in her 40s, had been a senior nurse.

The couple met via the 'CoParentMatch.com' website and when the woman eventually became pregnant the man had attended an antenatal appointment, seen an ultrasound scan and attended a parenting course.

'The mother describes herself as a 'gay lady',' said the judge. 'She told me that she had long wanted a child.

'The mother's desire to be a parent was a burning biological imperative, an almost physical need.

'Certainly, the mother had thought about being a mother for many years prior to joining CoParentMatch.com.

'She had read very widely about the options available to her as a single lesbian parent.

'She brought to her own analysis not only the benefit of her professional experience as a senior nurse, but also a great deal of research and reading.'

'She told me that she wanted to identify a father who would be a 'real' and 'physical presence' at stages throughout the child's life rather than 'just a name' that her son would be entitled to know,' said the judge.

'The problem of course is that this kind of arrangement cannot easily be contained. Once the 'contact' bottle is opened it cannot easily be re-corked.'

The High Court (pictured) heard following the birth of their son relations between the two deterioratd

The judge said: 'The father is, in many ways, almost the polar opposite personality to the mother.

'He is an essentially passive man, in my assessment, who told me with disarming candour that he found it difficult to meet women and to develop relationships and that he had not been in a relationship for at least a decade.

'He told me that he saw some opportunity to parent a child opened up by this particular website.

'It seems to me, listening to him give evidence, that, like so many interactions by people on the internet, part of his aspirations were grounded in reality whilst others were mere fantasy'.

'For month after month, year after year ... the father, at the relevant time of the month, travelled to the mother's home and was able to provide semen with which she was able to try and impregnate herself,' said the judge.

'It often involved the father staying overnight. The couple were courteous to each other. They spoke to each other respectfully.

'They shared meals together. They watched television together in the mother's sitting room.

'For this, I suspect, essentially lonely man, the comfort of that arrangement took hold in his thoughts and he began to dream of some idealised family unit in which he was a part.

'When, as certainly happened on one occasion, he alluded to such a future together, the mother showed no hesitation in refocusing his thoughts on a rather more prosaic reality.'

The woman was devastated when she suffered a miscarriage - but eventually a 'miracle' happened when she was over 40 and their son was conceived.

The realisation they were pregnant brought 'delight bordering upon euphoria' for the woman and man Mr Justice Hayden

Mr Justice Hayden said pregnancy brought 'delight bordering upon euphoria' for the woman and the man.

But he added: 'At or around the time of the boy's birth there is no doubt at all in my mind that fact and fantasy blurred in the father's mind.'

'The end of the journey for the woman was to have the pleasure and the privilege of caring for the boy night and day.

'The father simply went home. That he embellished the facts and that he had to tell somebody something of what he was experiencing seems to me to be only human.

'He was proud of his son. He needed to share that pride.

'He presented to the world a conventional heterosexual relationship.

'I do not doubt that he did so in the most superficial of terms, but that single lie begot others when questions followed and so it was that this mother found herself in the situation, which I have described as being of almost comedic proportions, visiting her 'in laws' and being passed off as the father's girlfriend.

'I struggle to see how that could, if I may say so, ever have been a convincing performance by either. It enraged the mother.

'It communicated to her finally that the father had moved not only away from the flexible structure of what they had contemplated for the future, but, to her mind, and in my judgment rightly, he had moved for a while bag and baggage into his own fantasy world.

'The child at some stage will inevitably influence the evolution of the relationship. It was this realisation which, in my judgment, unnerved the mother.

'As the child's relationship with his father developed so quickly and instinctively... she realised that in some way the child she regarded solely as hers would have to be shared not evenly, not even prescriptively but shared nonetheless.

'This was frightening to the mother.'

For almost two years, contact between father and son was brought to a halt as battle lines were drawn between the parents.

The court heard the man could not extricate himself from the lie and she was desperately concerned that he would 'construct a reality which was other than the truth'.

Their positions became entrenched as she developed a 'deep seated anxiety' at the prospect of 'sharing' the child 'she regarded solely as hers'.

Mr Justice Hayden said following the launch of litigation the couple had agreed arrangements for contact between the boy and the man.

When he was finally allowed supervised contact, both parents 'deceived' their son by not telling him that the man was his father.

The court heard the boy was much loved and enjoyed a happy, stable home life with his mother and both parents' aspirations for him 'knew no bounds' (stock image posed by models)

But the judge said: 'At the age of two-and-a-half, he had the emotional intelligence to work things out for himself'.

'He recognised that the man was his dad. Why should he not do? He lives in the same world as the rest of us.

'He sees other dads. He had no doubt even by that stage begun to wonder where his was and he found an answer'.

Although the man had not announced himself as his father, the little boy 'could not have failed to respond to the intensity of his love'.

During contact sessions, father and son enjoyed 'rumbustious play' together and he came to understand and love the little boy's personality.

The judge was told that the woman had at one stage 'felt pressurised' into consenting to a contact regime and thought that she had been forced into a 'heterosexual paradigm'.

'I believe that underlying the mother's concerns about the development of contact is a fear that the father will reconstruct a reality which is other than the truth,' said the judge.

'He must guard against doing so.'

Upholding the father's parental rights, the judge said It would be 'belittling' and wrong to describe him as a mere sperm donor.

He said the pair had, before their dispute, shown 'a powerful and almost palpable core respect' for each other.

Mr Justice Hayden ruled that there was 'a clear moral imperative' that the father be formally granted parental responsibility for his son.

That would give him the right to be consulted about the boy's future, including his schooling and any medical treatment he needed.

The father's name has now been included on his son's birth certificate and, after their 'cathartic' meeting in court, the parents had finally agreed proper contact arrangements.

Paying tribute to the 'highly committed and instinctively skilful parents', the judge said he hoped the respect they had for eachother would lead to co-operation in the future.

The boy enjoyed a happy, stable home life with his mother and both parents' aspirations for him 'knew no bounds'.

The judge added the boy would have to be told about his background and said: 'The circumstances of his birth will need to be unfolded to him slowly and revisited in the light of his developing age and understanding.

'He has a story which is really rather wonderful. He should not be deprived of the truth of it and the extent of his parents' commitment to him.