Pretty much everyone can empathise with Luke Shaw at the moment. Most people don’t like their boss (apart from compilers of morningly transfer rumour round-ups of course...), and have excruciating tales of their eccentric behaviour, of the times they’ve been undermined, of their general unfairness. The difference between him, and you or m....sorry, between him and you, is that our b...sorry, your boss probably doesn’t do all that with a bunch of journalists and cameras sat in front of him, gleefully lapping up his every word.

To whit, Shaw would like to play for a manager who doesn’t feel the need to call him thick or workshy in public all the livelong day. A manager, like, for example, Mauricio Pochettino, who was nothing but peaches and cream when the two worked together at Southampton. The question of whether Tottenham will want to lay out the sort of dough Shaw might cost when they already have the best left-back in the Premier League, or whether United will want to sell to a rival, is not addressed in the morning tittle-tattle, but then again you don’t come here for facts or cold, logical conclusions. If Pochettino gets his way, Inter pair Geoffrey Kondogbia and Colombian defender Jeison Murillo will be priorities ahead of Shaw, it says here, while Wilf Zaha is still keen on moving to White Hart Lane.

Will Zlatan Ibrahimovic be joining Shaw in hailing a car from Do One Taxis? The general consensus has been that the big Swede will stay at United for another year, but his words after the draw against Everton on Tuesday might suggest otherwise. “A lot of things have to be settled,” he said. “Everything depends on what you want and what the club wants, what the vision of the club is because I said from day one I didn’t come here to waste time, I came here to win. If you want to win bigger then you have to create bigger. Whether we were far from each other or close to each other, there is no news. There are still talks and let’s see what will happen. I am open. Nothing is done yet.” Make of that what you will.

Speaking of contract talks, Arsenal have finally been on the blower to Jack Wilshere to discuss him signing a fresh deal, but the midfielder will make sure he’s got a cat in hell’s chance of actually playing a few games before he commits to anything. One man who has already reached the end of his tether in that respect is David Ospina, who’ll be off to Fenerbahçe in the summer, in exchange for £6m.

Busy old summer ahoy at Manchester City, because of course it will be. They’re keen on Valencia left-back José Luis Gayà, which is a happy coincidence because Valencia are keen on keeping Eliaquim Mangala, so perhaps some sort of swaperoo can be arranged. In other ‘dead weight currently out on loan that needs to be punted off somewhere’ news, Lyon fancy Wilfried Bony. City’s hopes of snagging Atlético defender Theo Hernández have been dealt a kick in the swingers with the news that Real Madrid want him, too.

West Ham’s admin staff won’t have any trouble filling the hours either, whether that’s because of a new contract offer to Michail Antonio - one that has currently been rebuffed - or perhaps a move to sign Pablo Zabaleta on a free from City, or from preparing the £16m bid for Liverpool winger Lazar Marković.

Finally, because all the great performers go out on a high, we save this for our finale: West Brom are going to offer Hal Robson-Kanu a new contract. Thank you, and goodnight.