**1. The Stanley Cup **(NHL)

So iconic, it's not even close. It's presented to you by men wearing white debutante gloves. It has your name engraved on it. And best of all, it's a cup. All trophies should be cups. People have gotten drunk out of the Stanley Cup. They've eaten out of it. They've shat in it. They've fed horses out of it. The Cup has had a richer, fuller life than you ever will.

**2. The WWE Championship belt **(wrestling)

When it comes to gaudy title belts, boxing has nothing on professional wrestling. Boxing's look like something stolen from the uniform closet of a Third World dictator. WWE's is modeled after the old-school solid-fake-gold title belt that Ric Flair used to rock. Wooo!!!

**3. The Green Jacket **(The Masters)

There is no better match of prize and athlete. Seriously, what dipshit golfer is gonna turn down a free blazer? It's perfect for Christmas-card photos and voting all the Jews out of your country club.

**4. The Gold Medal **(Olympics)

Best part: You don't have to share it. Every winner gets one. And if you're lucky enough to be a swimmer—meaning your sport has 56,000 races—you can bring home six with minimal effort.