Twitter's @GrandPrixDiary peers into his crystal ball (ok - the bottom of a pint glass) to see what might happen this year

DRIVETRIBE's resident psychic peers into a crystal ball (ok - the bottom of a pint glass) to see what might happen in F1 in 2017...



FEBRUARY

All ten teams start testing in Barcelona. There are immediately claims that Mercedes are sandbagging as they are only 3 seconds a lap quicker than everybody else. Complaints about their trick suspension are soon dropped as all the other team bosses realise it could be made of granite and they'd still win.

Ferrari are disappointingly slow and promptly announce that 2017 will be a 'transition year' as they look to aim for wins and maybe the title in 2018. Or 2019.

Max Verstappen wins 'Test Driver of the Day' on all four days of the test, despite only driving on two of them.



Insert own joke about Max not being old enough to drink that... © Red Bull Media House Insert own joke about Max not being old enough to drink that... © Red Bull Media House

MARCH

In the second Barcelona test, Lewis Hamilton goes so fast, he accidentally qualifies on pole for the Australian Grand Prix.

McLaren are the surprise package though, with for once, a fairly quick and very orange car. Team boss, Zak Brown says once again, that they won't win a race this year.

Will Lewis be all smiles in 2017? © Red Bull Media House Will Lewis be all smiles in 2017? © Red Bull Media House

In Melbourne itself, Lewis leads a crushing 1-2 for the Brackley team, lapping both Sauber drivers by the end of lap 1, all the other drivers by lap 20 and then himself on lap 50.

Max Verstappen wins Driver of the Day.

APRIL

Cleverly scheduled to get some of the most unpopular races out of the way early on, F1 visits China, Bahrain and Russia. To save wasting everybody's time, the FIA give Max Verstappen the Driver of the Day prize ahead of all three races, before quietly binning the idea altogether.

In Shanghai, Mercedes win again but a revitalised Felipe Massa takes a storming second place. Lance Stroll asks him to retire again.

Felipe baby, be cool! © Red Bull Media House Felipe baby, be cool! © Red Bull Media House

At the annual yawnfest that is the Bahrain Grand Prix, all cars finish in the exact same position they started in, after yet another Sakhir procession. Chase Carey asks for a refund.

At Sochi, Bernie Ecclestone makes his first appearance at a Grand Prix this year to see his old pal Vladimir Putin. Coincidentally, there is a mix up at immigration, which sees Carey ending up somewhere in Siberia for the weekend.

Valtteri Bottas wins his first Grand Prix after outperforming his teammate all weekend. In the podium room, Lewis playfully tosses a Pirelli cap, wrapped around a brick, at his teammate.

Meanwhile, Sauber finish the Australian Grand Prix.

MAY

The Spanish Grand Prix, and relief for fans and TV viewers the world over, as the Mercedes pair take each other out on lap one and Max Verstappen storms to a hugely popular win. Oh damn, sorry, that was last year. However, it looks at last like the other teams are catching up, as while Mercedes still win of course, Red Bull and Ferrari are only a lap behind at the flag.

In Monaco, Ferrari joy at Kimi Raikkonen's shock win is tempered as they realise they turned up a week early and did the Historic Grand Prix in error. Still, a win is a win.

'Just sign here Kimi, and you'll never have to attend another press conference.' Kimi: 'Give me the pen.' © Red Bull Media House 'Just sign here Kimi, and you'll never have to attend another press conference.' Kimi: 'Give me the pen.' © Red Bull Media House

In the race itself, McLaren continue to impress with strong points finishes behind Lewis, who still wins, despite stopping for longer than planned at his second pit-stop for a chat and a selfie with Justin Bieber and a Kardashian. (One of the vacuous American ones as opposed to the ones out of Star Trek).

JUNE

In Canada, local boy Lance Stroll, hugely impresses with a podium, so to celebrate, his father buys Montreal for him.

McLaren, still resurgent, bag yet more points. Zak Brown says the team won't win a race this year.

Up next, the Azerbaijan Grand Prix, (no longer called the European Grand Prix after officials realised it wasn't actually in Europe) where the organisers promised a more exciting race than last year's affair and to this end manage to persuade the FIA that it would be good for all concerned if Mercedes were to start the race in neighbouring Iran. A subsequent delay at border control for Hamilton and Bottas opens up the race nicely.

Finally, a thrilled Fernando Alonso bags a McLaren win, their first since Brazil 2012. At home, Ron Dennis puts his foot through the TV screen when Zak comes on, saying he didn't expect to win a race this year.

- To find out what happens in the second half of the season, tune in again on Monday -