Second leg

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COUNTRIES VISITED

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MALAYSIA – SRI LANKA – PHILIPPINES – NEW ZEALAND – AUSTRALIA – INDONESIA – SOUTH KOREA – SINGAPORE

Previously on TAR Asia 4: Ten teams set across Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on a race around the “world” for one hundred US dollars.



Immediately disaster struck for Indonesian team Yani & Nadine. A mountainous climb was too much for Hilda. Filipino Boys raced neck and neck with Dimple & Sunaina. Wendy & Alan’s relationship began to show cracks, and feisty girls Jess & Lani flirted their way across Malaysia.

Singing was clearly not Manas & Sahil’s strong point, and neither was their sense of direction.

EDITOR’S NOTE: LOL! Wu wasted no time insulting Manas & Sahil. Congrats dudes, you’re going to be our punching bags for your stay in TAR Asia 4.

Father and daughter team Natasha & Hussein showed off some supreme soccer skills.

But it was local Malaysian Boys Ethan & Khairie who shot to first place.

While Yani & Nadine came in last, but luckily for them it was a Non-Elimination round, but if they do not finish first in this leg they will incur a thirty minute penalty.

Who will be eliminated next in Amazing Race Asia?

. . .Holy crap. Did every team get mentioned in the recap? Usually all of the teams do not get mentioned until only four or five teams remain. This is incredible.

TEAMS MENTIONED IN THE PREVIOUSLY ON SEGMENT TALLY

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SUNAINA & DIMPLE: 1

BBALLCHARD.TOQUECHARD: 1

HUSSEIN.NATASHA: 1

YANI.NADINE: 1

MANAS.SAHIL: 1

JESS.LANI: 1

ETHAN.KHAIRIE: 1

WENDY.ALAN: 1

MICHELLE.CLAIRE: 1

IVAN.HILDA: 1

– Intro time.

Whoa, not time for the Super Soakers yet, ladies. Wait until I am done this blog.

– Allan very quickly sums up they are in Penang, Malaysia and that Star Cruises is the third largest operator in the world. Wow, two seconds in and we have a sponsour.

ALLAN: This was the first pit stop in a race around the “world”.

Excuse me, “wurld”. Because Allan’s wurld only consists of Asia and the continent of Oceania/Australia for this season and the previous one. And the first one.

– Ethan & Khairie, who were the first team to arrive at 6:03am, will depart at 6:03pm.

Hooray! Official arrival times and twelve hour pit stops. I think the last one we had was sometime in TAR 13. I cannot quite understand why TAR ditched this format entirely. That was the whole point of pit stops when the series first began.

– They read teams must travel by taxi to Batu Ferringhi Beach in Penang where they will find their next clue.

“Batu” is undoubtedly Malaysian, but “Ferringhi” sounds like some sort of Italian. This is what happened if Eamon and I named a beach together.

– Khairie believes him and Ethan will follow the tradition of being a strong Malaysian teams in seasons past.

Ah yes. Zabrina & Joe Jer, Andrew & Syeon, Ann & Diane, Ida & Tania, Adrian & Collin are practically Malaysian along with A.D. & Fuzzie. All finished in the top four.

So you’re telling me that a show based just outside of Kuala Lumpur has resulted in Malaysian and Singaporean teams doing quite well unless they are paired with a French-Born teammate? And every season have multiple legs in Malaysia and Singapore? Pure coincidence, I know.

– Ethan (the Curtis BB 2000 one) is relying on their local advantage.

– The Richards depart second at 6:54am. Toquechard says something that does not make sense.

BBALLCHARD: We don’t know every place we’re gonna go we don’t know how to get there. Get lost, we’re gonna get lost the quickest, and we’ll hopefully find ourselves the fastest.

. . .What?

It makes about as much sense as Bballchard wearing a toque that has a built-in rope and pulley system.

– Michelle & Claire depart third at 7:03am. Michelle says they have the craziest fights. She wants to be in control of the map. They admit they get over their conflict fast.

MICHELLE: I hate you sometime.

And love her long time.

Looks like the inspiration for a manga cover or that stupid picture of Iggy and J-Lo that filled Facebook’s trending sidebar for weeks.

And no. I’m not posting that image in this blog. I have a personal grudge against J-Lo. More on that for another blog.

– Ethan & Khairie are at the beach. Both read that they must fly to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia. However when they say it they are excited to the point that they combine it into two syllables.

– Allan informs us that the city is a gateway to East Malaysia and home to the most diverse water life in the world. Teams must scour the terminal one parking lot where ten marked cars are scattered and where they will find their next clue.

Or just TAR Asia’s parametres of “world”? I dunno. Maybe some place in South America has more diversity.

– Dimple says she would like to believe they are strong women without weaknesses. They are prepared for it and will think positive.

DIMPLE: So how you feeling today?

SUNAINA: Feeling nice.

DIMPLE: Slept bread?

SUNAINA: No, I slept rea–

DIMPLE: Sleepy?

SUNAINA: No, not at–

DIMPLE: Hungry?

SUNAINA: No–

DIMPLE: Good mood?

BOTH: Yes!

Geez, are they trying to have a competition for who has the fastest dialogue in existence?

– Richards are second to the clue box. Michelle & Claire are there in third. Ethan & Khairie discover the next flight to Kota Kinabalu via Kuala Lumpur departs at 10:50am. Ethan claims it gives them a huge lead because there was not enough time for any other team to get on within thirty minutes.

All thanks to that man. Is that really the uniform for all Air Asia ticketing agents? Better than a lousy blazer if you ask me.

FIRST FLIGHT: ETHAN & KHAIRIE

If there is no equalizer, a Xbox 360 is as good as theirs.

– Alan & Wendy are fifth to depart at 7:31am. Remember in TAR 16 how it would be dark by five o’ clock most of the time because they filmed in the northern hemisphere during the months of November and December?

Here that is not the case as we know it was light until the last team checked in close to nine o’ clock. Daylight, baby.

– Wendy feels they balance each other out. She calms him down when he gets too angry or intense. Then comes the awkward part.

WENDY: He’ll PUSH me to be more. . .

ALAN: More smart.



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But seriously, the pushing is for real.

– Wendy steps into the water at the beach.

ALAN: Ohhhh! Oh my goddddd. Why dooooo that? You’re gonna make your shoes more smelly.

Stupid! You’re so stupiiiiid.



Penang, Malaysia: Our water makes you smell like s–t.

– Ivan & Hilda depart sixth at 7:32am. He describes himself as the physical and operational guy while Hilda “is guided by her heart”.

Yay for reinforcing gender dichotomies!

HILDA: My legs are still hurting from yesterday!

But in Hilda’s case, this is true. She is recovering from a twisted knee.

I like how she emphasizes putting weight on her legs as if they truly are hurting.

Why do reality TV contestants associated with dragons have to exaggerate everything?

– Ivan says they have a “ying” and yang dynamic.



Legasm.

– Manas & Sahil are next to leave at 7:51am. Manas says they have complete opposite personalities. Sahil (the good looking one) is calm and calculating while Manas is erratic and impulsive. That’s it for them.

– Sunaina & Dimple have their clue. Hilda has it in sixth. How bad is the humidity in Malaysia?

You can barely see through the camera lens!

– Manas & Sahil are seventh to the clue box. Jess & Lani depart in eighth at 8:17am.

JESS: We are a lot smarter than what meets the eye. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

lol. They can’t even figure out how to exit a boat. Natalie Wood had an easier time with boats than they did.

– Jess trips on the walk down. They enter a taxi and tell the driver that a handsome man in their country of the Philippines is referred to as a ‘guapo. Yes, El Guapo.

Sorry Bas Rutten. You have to share the El Guapo nickname with a taxi driver.

I wonder if the taxi driver asked ‘are you sure?’ to verify the word is guapo or to verify that two women with Aussie accents are indeed from the Philippines.

– Hussein & Natasha begin in ninth at 8:20am. Hussein is willing to take her advice at times. She does not think her father would be stubborn enough to ignore her. He defines himself as being conservative.

– Yani & Nadine start last at 8:25am. They refuse to give up regardless of them crying or making their makeup run.

– Jess & Lani grab the clue in eighth. Hussein & Natasha in ninth. Yani & Nadine in last. We flashback to a brilliant incident involving Jess.

Right in the nose. Ouch. Right in the pink.

– Richards are at the airport at the Malaysian Airlines counter. They discover the 11:40am flight is fully booked because only ten passengers need to check in.

TOQUECHARD: We took the sure thing on Air Asia.

Yes, the same airline that was formerly the official sponsour for the show.

– Michelle & Claire elect to purchase standby tickets for the noon flight on Malaysia Airlines. She points out the risk to Claire. Other teams are showing up and behind them at the counter.

RISKY FLIGHT STRATEGY 101: Never be the only team to purchase tickets for a flight that you know either has a tight connection or relies on lucking out with standby.

And you guys were doing so well for being such a young all-female team. The selfishness of this generation could backfire.

– Sunaina refers to Michelle & Claire as possessing shady grins. Manas & Sahil continuously beg for the tickets at the counter. Beg and beg with a different agent than the ones the all-female teams were speaking to earlier.

Sahil’s good looks convinced the male ticketing agent to get them on the flight. Michelle & Claire are approved as well. As for Sunaina & Dimple who were there before Manas & Sahil?

Talk to the hand because Bollywood does not wanna listen.

– Sunaina blatantly tells the agent that she lied to them, and figure out Michelle & Claire’s scheme.

SECOND FLIGHT: MANAS & SAHIL; MICHELLE & CLAIRE

Wow. Manas & Sahil are frontrunners.

– The three slowpoke teams show up at the Air Asia counter. All other teams are on the flight. Hussein & Natasha scramble with the ticketing agent. They all get on the flight anyway.

It is safe to say that the province of Penang is ready to tell World Race Productions to screw off for the time being. Dealing with spoiled Americans and Asians has really tried their patience.

– THIRD FLIGHT: The other seven teams. . ..

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Except them. They nearly take out the middle man with their flight papers. The agent booked them on a flight that leaves forty minutes after the six teams.

So how does a strip club manager solve the issue?

By going straight for the cockpit!

Jess & Lani in a few years.

– The pilot says they can push the other plane back, and allow Jess & Lani to depart ahead of the other plane. This sounds downright ridiculous that a pilot decided this on his own without facing a challenge from the other pilot who knows he is full of TAR Asia teams too, but it works.

REAL THIRD FLIGHT: Jess & Lani

FINAL FLIGHT: The other six teams.

– Commercial break. I like how all teams already refer to Kuala Lumpur as “KL” and Kota Kinabalu as “KK”.

– The first flight lands at 3:38pm. Khairie reads that they must go to the Warrior’s Village in Tuaran. It will be a ceremony of good luck and to conquer wild beasts.

Don’t know if the wild beast refers to the deranged man or the snake.

EDITOR’S NOTE: No, this is not the same cultural village with the good luck ceremony in TAR 4. David Dean’s grandmother is not there and is no longer with it. That was the Monsopiad Cultural Village.

Hey, want to know how it is easy to determine that TAR 4 was filmed somewhere between 2001 and 2003?

Boy did that president’s legacy change over the next five years!

– Khairie is really scared about getting lost during the drive as Ethan is the driver.

– Jess & Lani are in KL and discover the flight to go to KK has not left yet. Everybody except Ivan & Hilda are on the 6:30pm flight to KK.

THE THIRD KL FLIGHT: 6:25pm.

IVAN & HILDA’S KK FLIGHT: 9:30pm.

Who knew flying within Malaysia could trigger such a scramble?

– It is 5:40pm as Michelle & Claire and Manas & Sahil enter their vehicles. Michelle is having a tough time clicking her seatbelt before driving.

– Ethan & Khairie enter the cultural village. It is pitch black. A big dude scares them out of nowhere. I am certain this will be an hours of operation like all other ceremonies in the past. They love doing it at sunrise.

Oh. They just made a fire. That was an easy solution. Too easy, if you ask me. I am amazed nobody had thought of that before.

– What are Ethan & Khairie ordered to do before receiving their next clue while a random man screams for the whole ceremony?

Rub the man’s snake.

“His anaconda won’t bite none

If you rub its head, son!”

Speaking of anacondas, I wish an anaconda ate J-Lo in the movie Anaconda.

That movie was terrible then and it’s terrible now.

– Ethan & Khairie read they must drive to the night market.

ALLAN: Once there, teams must eat no less than one hundred chicken balls. The team that eats the most will depart twenty minutes ahead of all other teams in the next challenge.

Chicken balls? Has TAR Asia gone from baked scorpions in season three to CHICKEN BALLS in TAR Asia 4?

This active route info is certainly more TESTY than what we have seen in previous years.

Is this Allan’s revenge for suffering through those bug shots and still losing in Fear Factor?

And how do we go from petting the head of an anaconda to eating cock balls? Did a second grader design this round?

– The third flight lands at 10:40pm. I love we are getting arrival times for flights. Sunaina & Dimple are fourth. Richards in fifth. Alan & Wendy sixth. Hussein & Natasha seventh. Jess & Lani eighth. Yani & Nadine ninth.

– Ethan & Khairie find the empty board. Ethan’s confidence is jolted when he sees the scoreboard has no other teams on it.

KK’s version of Pharrell Williams is manning the scoreboard.

– Khairie really wants the twenty minute lead.

And will be no thanks to Ethan Lim on this one. Oh the Limanity.

Don’t you mean “Wumanity”?

Yes, yes, Allan. I won’t make a bunch of puns using Ethan’s last name. Only you shall get that honour.

– Michelle & Claire are second to the screaming cultural village. More screaming. Michelle keeps snapping her hand back when it comes to the anaconda. Eventually they both rub it.

– They read the clue and insist they love the idea of eating chicken balls.

– Manas did an Indian dance for them.

That is an Indian dance? I don’t think that is any dance.

Unless you are Zangief from Street Fighter.

Or Lorena.

– Manas’ biggest fear is snakes. Of course he proceeds to rub the snake twice. The second time for good luck, I guess.

Liars.

– Sahil reads the clue about chicken balls. Manas’ reaction?

“If only it was a chicken fajita. I shall forever remain single”

Eamon’s friend is not impressed.

– A bunch of local families are sitting around cheering on teams. They cannot wait for teams to eat chicken balls.



It is midnight and locals show up for a TAR Asia event? Geez, not until the TAR 25 starting line at three o’ clock in the morning have we seen so many superfans.

– Michelle & Claire and Manas & Sahil show up. Manas requests a bucket because he is certain he will puke.

Or pukil.

Get out your buckets. This is going to be a doozy. Ethan & Khairie have already eaten fifty balls and keep on going.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Isn’t it mean for racers to have the public event for the season be when hundreds of locals are eagerly waiting for them to vomit all over the KK waterfront?

– Jess & Lani found some “friends” who they describe as young boys that led them to the warrior’s village before many of the other teams.

There is only one thing that needs to be said about this picture.

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Jess & Lani finally changed out of their short pink skirts that they have been wearing since the start of the round. I think those pink skirts may have been the least functional clothing choice worn on TAR. Task outfits and Brian & Greg’s pit stop entrance does not really count.

Wait, what joke did you think I was going to make? I have standards.

JESS: For the first time in history, a scrub hanging out the passenger’s side of their best friend’s ride trying to holler at me is just what we needed.

There are always exceptions to the rule, TLC.

– Hussein & Natasha show up. Natasha breaks out worse dance moves than me when MC Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This plays. Right on cue she is happy she is not being judged for her dancing. Her dad keeps teasing her about the snake. She shuts him up before completing the task.

– Sunaina & Dimple are there in sixth. Sunaina is surprised to see the teams ahead of them. Both do some light dancing.

And I for one wish there was a Bollywood release of Pink Panther in the near future.

– SUNAINA: I have eaten more than any boy in my life.

You haven’t seen me at an All You Can Eat sushi restaurant.

– Yani & Nadine are dancing happily knowing they can do this.

I touch the head of a snake for fun at home.

– The snake is revealed. Yani turns into a HORSE of all things.

No, not Danielle DiLorenzo.

– I say she was a horse because she cries in agony, and the nickname for Nadine is “Neigh”.

YANI: Noooo! NEIGHHHHHHH.

If you have access to watching this, please do right away. It is hilarious. This is like a knight in a middle ages film being knocked off and the horse tumbling onto the ground.

So many delicious tears.

– Nadine orders Yani to stop crying.

NADINE: You said you’d do anything to win this race. Even touch a snake. He’s not gonna do anything.

I’m not sure if Yani specified the ‘touching the snake’ part.

– Commercial break. We resume. Editors are cruel enough to repeat the neighing.

– Nadine physically grabs Yani’s wrist and has such a tight grip that Yani fails at squirming away.

This is our first entry for the TAR Asia Funny 115 for this season. So many jokes to be made, I am sure. You would think Nadine was playing the role of Bill Cosby or Wendy’s boyfriend.

– Is Yani proud of herself after doing this task?

Maybe she would be if it was NOT DONE COMPLETELY AGAINST HER WILL!

– Nadine is very strong. She risked her own hand to guide a nervous and twitchy hand to touch a snake. Imagine if Nadine was on TAR 15?

Mika would have been shoved down the waterslide so freaking hard. Screw your weak arms, Canaan.

– Alan & Wendy are eighth to the village. They have the most uneventful trip of all teams. Alan screams on his way out of the village.

– The Richards are ninth to the village. Wow, they sucked on the drive here.

TOQUECHARD: Rich is usually quite graceful at dancing but for some reason he had two left feet.

She doesn’t even have one left foot.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I looked up which foot was missing for both Chad Crittenden and Kelly Bruno. Chad’s right leg is the one that is gone. For some reason, none of the pages out there wanted to specify which leg it is that each of them no longer have.

UPDATE: She is missing her right leg too. There goes that joke.

– Richard Herrera/Toquechard feels it was necessary to show off by kneeling to get up close and personal with the snake. Show-off.

– Eventually the final plane lands at 12:10am containing Ivan & Hilda nearly two hours after the previous plane.

It gave Ethan & Khairie enough time to eat 204 chicken balls. That’s how far behind Ivan & Hilda are at the moment. They receive their clue. Teams must drive themselves to Sutera Harbour Marina and look for the marked boat.

Boo. Why not do the hours of operation upon arrival in KK? All this does is make sure teams are extremely close together for the last one or two tasks of the round, and possibly knock out a team who did well for the first two tasks.

If they did the equalizer at the beginning, we would see the performance of all the tasks average out and knock out who is truly the worst team of the round. Instead it just may be the team who sucks at the Roadblock right before teams run to the pit stop.

L-A-M-E.

CHICKEN BALL LEADERBOARD

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ETHAN & KHAIRIE: 204

MICHELLE & CLAIRE: 180

She looks like a stripper experiencing her first day on the job!

Yeah, I have spent too much time writing about Jess & Lani as of late.

– The Richards are lost. Toquechard is driving and reading the map. Bballchard begs him to stop and ask because they have been lost for thirty minutes. He pulls out the team card too.

Toquechard/Herrera: Master Multi-Tasker.

Bballchard/Hardin: Master Zero-Tasker.

– Both say that they will have their own way which involves manhood and stubbornness. Herrera pulls over as Hardin jumps out to tell him to ask somebody.

I like how Toquechard pulled over but is not even asking anybody for directions. All that happens is Bballchard begging him to yell at a local.

HARDIN: Every time I tell you how I feel man you snap back at me with a smart remark. I’m not gonna do that to you, man.

HERRERA: Calm down, man!

HARDIN: See what you did? See what you just did to me?

And look at what you did to my face!

I’m sorry Richard Hardin. I was having too much fun!

HERRERA: Alright Rich, that’s enough!

That is Toquechard’s code for “Grow some chicken balls, Hardin.”

– Ivan & Hilda are at the village.

HILDA: I love snakes. It looked friendly. The eyes made it look like it was smiling.



You crazy, Hilda! YOU CRAZY!

Snakes–a dragon researcher’s best friend.

– Sunaina & Dimple are fourth to the chicken balls task. Sunaina refers to Michelle & Claire as the “Dominatrix” team because they are machines. Dimple tries to pretend gagging or saying “it’s not worth it” to psych out Michelle & Claire.

– Hussein & Natasha show up. Alan & Wendy, Richards, and Jess & Lani too. Jess is refusing to eat more than fifty.

– Wendy says trying hard in this challenge does not make sense because only one team can win the advantage.

Yes, Wendy is the brightest one here.

Meanwhile this cat patiently waits for puke crumbs.

– Wendy prefers to sleep. Her and Alan are second to receive the clue. Jess & Lani third.

– The other teams are still trying to eat as much as possible, but the Richards are next to note that the game may be over.

Yeah, I would not be eating 125 chicken balls and expect my partner to do the same if I knew that would not even guarantee me first.

– Bballchard describes the small young women as being aggressive. Claire has to forcibly remove Michelle from the table. Mainly because of how sick Michelle looked.

They must have the fastest metabolisms in TAR history because I have never seen such a skinny team on TAR before, and yet they eat more chicken balls than everyone else.

Look at them! There is no meat on those bones!

Like even Maya Fey has more on her bones, and not even she ate as many chicken balls as Michelle & Claire.

– Hussein is burping. Natasha is having a tough time and elect to just quit at 100.

The 101st would have been in that bowl.

– Sunaina & Dimple settle for 100 too before grabbing the clue and head to sleep. Manas & Sahil are eighth out of there after eating 100.

– Yani & Nadine are still at the chicken ball task when Ivan & Hilda show up.

HILDA: Yani & Nadine they are still trying to finish it. We know we are safe.

Wow. Everybody views Yani & Nadine as the revamped Edwin & Monica. Tragic.

– Each of the last two teams finish after 100 chicken balls. Ready to check out the final scoreboard?

HUSSEIN & NATASHA: 102

IVAN & HILDA: 100

JESS & LANI: 102

ETHAN & KHAIRIE: 204

MICHELLE & CLAIRE: 275

RICHARDS: 103

SAHIL & MANAS: 100

SUNAINA & DIMPLE: 100

ALAN & WENDY: 100

YANI & NADINE: 100

That means Michelle & Claire nearly TRIPLED the task’s initial requirement. It will not be a pleasant sleep for them.

I wish they designed it like American Gladiators where for each point you scored more than your opponent gave you a .5 second head start at The Eliminator.

Here it should have been something like forty-five seconds for each extra chicken ball.

– Lots of teams decide to sleep in their car. Mainly because it is closing in on three and they have to be up in just five hours.

Oh yeah, this is Sunaina & Dimple’s alarm clock setup.

Although I think Alan sleeping on the street like that is a worse condition than Dreamz’s sleeping quarters growing up.

– Commercial break. We resume at dawn. Ethan & Khairie express their amazement with Michelle & Claire’s performance. They are at the marina. It is a Roadblock.

CLAIRE: Who holds the key to see your next clue?

In this Roadblock, that person must dive into the waters and find a key at one end of a piece of rope.

ALLAN: Teams can only unlock the key to their success after unravelling this tightly wound rope.

Try harder next time.

– Allan finishes off by saying this Roadblock could be one of the toughest of the season due to the nature of the puzzle.

This puzzle looks to be very tough. That is A LOT of rope to guide through that wall. The key unlocks the lock located on top of the wall in the bottom photo.

– Claire suits up.



Welcome to Celebrity Mole: Yucatan! You’re a natural Angie Everhart!

– Twenty minutes later as all teams drive in a line to the marina. Here comes the chaos. Some of the same-gender teams are wearing sunglasses so identifying Sunaina’s pointy nose or Manas’ uglier looks is tough to differentiate at the moment.

– Late night lonely music plays as Michelle worries about Claire.

– Ivan is doing the Roadblock. He has water experience and feels confident.

INSTRUCTOR (animated with hands): Guys, there’s a lot of fish down there. I’m talking about A LOT of fish.

RACERS: Okay. Okay.

INSTRUCTOR: Three of the fish eat anacondas for breakfast. That’s how scary they truly are. . .why is everyone looking calm? Don’t say I didn’t warn you about these uber scary terrifying fish.

God have mercy on these brave souls.

– Khairie is third into the Roadblock. There is a really tricky knot. Khairie begins panicking and yanking on the keychain. It broke. He comes back up. Khairie is told that he must now wait for all the teams to go before him.

And since that involves waiting for Yani to be dragged through the water by an instructor against her will, this could prove to be a very long wait.

– Khairie comes up with a brilliantly stupid idea.

KHAIRIE: I was thinking ‘why don’t we cut our losses and just leave.

ETHAN: Did I hear you correctly? Did you not want to do it? I was thinking a four hour penalty in this race is basically an execution.

Being executed is more fun than using that key right now.



“Buddy. . .this may be just a little bit easier than rolling haybales.

– You know what sucks? This is the second episode in a row where a task is not properly explained to us. Claire is told her time is up with the puzzle and must re-surface.

20 minute advantage + 4 hour penalty = 3 hour 40 minute deficit. The chicken balls were worth it!

– Dimple is stunned that the Dominatrix could not do it.

– Claire reads they must take a boat to Sapi Island. This is where they will find their next clue.

– Ivan unlocks the clue. Launched into first place just like that. Manas let Sahil down for the chicken balls, but makes it up by unlocking the clue. Khairie sees this and decides to try it once more.

– Sunaina is getting bit by several fish.

Sunaina brushing off the fish.

– She has the clue as well.

And I was not expecting her to wear a bright purple one-piece swimsuit. But then again, Bollywood.

– Bballchard brags he did not have to stop one time during the puzzle and has it.

– Michelle & Claire are at Sapi Island.

Thankfully it is not Papi Island. We would’ve seen this old guy or the Boston Red Sox.

– This is a Detour.

And sadly for the Rebel Girls, there is not an additional Detour that will lead them to a hwunk of Allan wearing his first wufebeater of the season.

– Teams must drive to Kiulu River White Water Rafting in Tuaran. Rapid Fire or Rapid Water.

In Rapid Fire, both teammates had to shoot Malaysian slingshots at two targets to receive their next clue.

In Rapid Water, teams had to sail a bamboo raft down river rapids and across the river to retrieve their next clue.

TAR 4 and TAR 24 all featured tasks that involved hitting some sort of target along the beach or jungles near Kota Kinabalu.

In fact the Detour from the Kota Kinabalu round in TAR 24 forced teams to choose between water rapids and blow darts. They copied this exact Detour, and even near the same freaking rapids.

At least TAR 4 and Asia 4 were not made by LJN, thankfully. Crisis averted.

Heck, TAR Asia 1 was nowhere near Kota Kinabalu but they had a blowdart task too anyway.

Hi, I’m Malaysia. We don’t play ice hockey or basketball, but we’ve been training Americans and Asians in our second most competitive sport behind futsal.

What the hell, producers? You see Survivor: Borneo where they do the slingshot and blowdart reward challenge and need to incorporate that into every TAR visit possible?

And how did Millie & Chuck get so lost in the area? The tourist attractions have English signs.

– Apparently tribesmen have been using these traditional slingshots for thousands of years.

Like these guys.

I hear Allan used to be a tribesman too. How else do you think he developed those wuscles?

– MICHELLE: I am sh-tting no slingshot man.

She was trying to say shooting. Hilarious.

– Ivan & Hilda choose rafts. Manas & Sahil go with Rapid Fire. Sunaina & Dimple are heading to rafts.

– Wendy describes the tense feeling in the air as everybody must wait for their teammates to come back. Yani will need a miracle to not suck at a task for once. Can she do the impossible?

Nope. Still sucks.

Alan also sucks.

Furthermore, Jess sucks.

– Natasha is so close to finishing. Almost there and then. . .

Stop! I need to tell you something.

You suck.

Agonizingly close but only a sucky cigar.

– Khairie returns for another attempt. Will he succeed? Commercial break. We resume. What’s the news?

You mean the guy who was allowed to make two attempts at the task managed to succeed? Shocker.

– Khairie resurfaces and reunites with Ethan. Ethan wants a fist bump while Khairie goes for a high five.

They deserve a four hour penalty just for that epic fail.

– Ethan & Khairie are currently in fifth. This means five teams have a four hour penalty when they check into the mat.

THOSE WHO SUCCEEDED: IVAN & HILDA; RICHARDS; MANAS & SAHIL; SUNAINA & DIMPLE; ETHAN & KHAIRIE

THOSE WHO SUCKED: YANI & NADINE; JESS & LANI; HUSSEIN & NATASHA; ALAN & WENDY; MICHELLE & CLAIRE

Yes, it really is the Bali beach dig task all over again. Except in that one teams gave up and accepted the penalty.

In this scenario teams are merely being told “f–k you take these extra four hours”.

– Alan & Wendy choose Rapid Fire. Party duo picks rapid water. Water for Yani & Nadine too. Ethan & Khairie choose Rapid Water. I cannot pick up which one Hussein & Natasha chose.

– Michelle accuses Claire of not paying attention when navigating. Claire tells her to turn left instead to head into the rapids location.

– Ivan & Hilda are on the bamboo raft.

Ivan paddles and does all the work while Hilda does the equally challenging option of hanging on for dear life.

– Sunaina & Dimple drag the bamboo raft. Michelle & Claire and Sunaina & Dimple are there together as they cannot figure out which raft is the one that belongs to them. Michelle & Claire decide to gain the upper hand.

Rebel Power.

– Michelle does not understand how to paddle with a stick. Sunaina & Dimple are in trouble because Sunaina does not know how to paddle while Dimple does not know how to swim.

Paddle with a stick? Mind blown.

– Richards show up to the firing range for Rapid Fire.

Fun fact: Toquechard is left-handed. Who knew.

– Manas & Sahil and Alan & Wendy are at the Detour’s parking lot and start running. We cut back to the Richards who are still–

Nevermind. Both hit the target on the third shot. Their task is done.

– Teams must drive to Kampung Tanjung Aru.

Aru?

– Manas & Sahil and Alan & Wendy are at Rapid Fire. Sahil thinks it is better than rafting.

– Yani & Nadine enter the raft. It initially left without them. Ivan & Hilda finish rafting. They know teams are close behind. Sunaina & Dimple are done the rafting in third. What is Michelle & Claire’s placement?

That’s right. Ever since the Roadblock, any team who was assessed the time penalty does not have their placing shown. Instead it simply says “4 Hour Time Penalty Applies”.

Yeah, good luck keeping track at home in real time when the episode originally aired.

– Manas & Sahil are super excited as they finish the task in fourth place. Wendy says they are determined to get things done quickly when they need to catch up. Her wish is granted as they complete the task.

– Yani & Nadine worry after finishing the rafting task without seeing another team.

NADINE (crying as she drives): I’m catching your bug, Yani.

Ew. The Crying Bug.

– Hussein & Natasha fire slingshots. Too bad they are struggling. Jess & Lani hop onto the raft. I swore Lani cracked her tailbone in the process.

– Ethan & Khairie get caught on shore a couple of times on the raft because Khairie is a big dude.

Eh, they have four horus to kill.

.

.

.

Unless they have to paddle through the rapids in twenty minutes or less to avoid a four hour penalty! Move social outcasts, move!

– Hussein & Natasha finish the slingshot task. Jess & Lani and Ethan & Khairie are done rafting. All teams are en route to the mat.

Hussein may be the first contestant in history to intentionally dress up as Gus McCleod from TAR 6.

– Wendy pays a driver seventy bucks to lead her and Alan to the mat.

– Manas & Sahil follow Michelle & Claire’s vehicle. The Richards are on pace to be first.

Oh right. They suck at directions. To the middle of the pack, you go.

– Alan & Wendy exit their vehicle and run onto the mat.

“FIRST PLACE”: Wendy & Alan



Eamon’s uncle is the pit stop greeter for this round. What an honour!

Although I do not know why he stole Masaharu Morimoto’s Iron Chef hat and dyed it black.

ALLAN: Wendy & Alan.

“I’ve got some fake news for you!”

ALLAN: . .you are team number “one”.



Not the typical expression of somebody who is told they are team number one.

ALAN & WENDY: But. . .

ALLAN: There’s a big but in there.

Speaking of which, why is Kim Kardashian at the mat?

#Breakthepitstop

– ALLAN: You failed to complete the Roadblock. I need to get you to step off the mat, wait four hours, and then I can check you in.

Jesus. Do teams get to rest at the hotel for this pit stop while waiting out the four hour penalty? No. They have to be stuck sight-seeing within close proximities before they can check in.

Since they only have a limited amount of money, I bet they do not get to wander far. What a bunch of bologna.

– HILDA: It’s okay, babe. I just want to walk. It’s very very painful. I cannot run I cannot run I cannot run I cannot run.

– Ivan describes the feeling of seeing the pit stop flag and knowing they are ahead.

It’s a wonderful day going from dead last to being in first in less than twelve hours. Oh, and five teams guaranteed to be four hours behind you for the next round.

– The Richards pull in. They see Ivan & Hilda’s sickening slow stroll. They have a plan.

I call it Operation: Spook The S–t Out of the Dragon Researcher.

And Ivan was like “oh sh-t”.

“Quick! Get to the chopper!”

– Ivan claims the Richards are raging bulls. I doubt the Richards ever thought they could outrun Ivan & Hilda, but making it dangerously close and forcing Hilda to sprint probably amused them to no end.

Although it was only about a difference of 1.5 seconds.

– FIRST PLACE: IVAN & HILDA

Hilda may be more than eager to make out with an anaconda, but she could not be more afraid of running on The Amazing Race.

– Allan informs them they have each won a Sony VAIO laptop. The total value comes to 5, 300 US dollars.

SECOND PLACE: RICHARDS

– ALLAN: As you already know, you are team number two.

Unlike the American version where Phil pretends as if this is brand new information.

– ALLAN: I’ve never seen Hilda move so fast, actually, huh?



And delivers this pwunch with his trademark smile.

– Ivan is stunned by the turnaround they made this round.

“TEAM NUMBER THREE”: MICHELLE & CLAIRE

Balls. All 275 of them.

THIRD PLACE: SUNAINA & DIMPLE

FOURTH PLACE: MANAS & SAHIL

A slow stroll onto the mat.

ALLAN: Taking care of business.

Uh, I guess?

– “TEAM NUMBER SEVEN”: YANI & NADINE

Yes, we know about the four hour penalty.

Oh right. Yani & Nadine are marked for elimination too. In other words, you have to super duper tank this round in order to lose to Yani & Nadine of all people.

– Hussein & Natasha are behind Jess & Lani in traffic. They describe the party girls as sneaky. Both teams are running to the mat. Hussein knows their only chance at surviving is if they arrived within thirty minutes of Yani & Nadine.

“TEAM NUMBER EIGHT”: JESS & LANI

“TEAM NUMBER NINE”: HUSSEIN & NATASHA

– Hussein is a slow talker in his confessional when talking about the situation. I do not think he is very comfortable on camera.

– A crowd has gathered to cheer on Ethan & Khairie as Khairie’s pants are falling down.

Although Ian would say running to the mat is more important than his pants falling down.



Oh, those aren’t locals cheering. That crowd in the top left on the pier are all teams who are seeking shade during the penalty.

– Ethan & Khairie are completely unaware of their position.

Khairie kneels before the King of Kota Kinabalu (they call him the honourary KKK as an abbreviation).

– Ethan says there was a sense of completion but also a sense of dread because of Allan’s great poker face.

Ethan’s Wumpression.

Close, I guess.

ALLAN: Ethan & Khairie, you are the last team to arrive. . . .



ALLAN: Do you see those teams back there?

“And do you think I make a good Fonz?”

“Those teams. . .are they the ones from TAR 16? Are the locals holding them captive?”

“Maybe it’s the Russian military doing this over the Ukraine dispute.”

– Allan informs them of the penalty for the other five teams. Khairie says the feeling was exhilarating.

FIFTH PLACE: ETHAN & KHAIRIE

***3 1/2 HOURS LATER***

SIXTH PLACE: ALAN & WENDY

SEVENTH PLACE: MICHELLE & CLAIRE

EIGHTH PLACE: JESS & LANI

lol all-female teams.

– Now for the suspense.

“How did the four of us fall to the bottom so quickly again?”

“I wish they had a ‘Name That Perry Como Song’ Roadblock.”

“I am going to be so embarrassed when four and a half years from now, a lower middle-class Canadian male in his 20s will mock me over the course of seventy pages on the Internet, and make way too many comparisons between what goes on this leg and the human anatomy.”

History repeats itself. The quietest team on the race is barely saved. Which only means. . .

LOL! Welcome to the club, Yani & Nadine. This is the only upside to a non-elimination on the first leg. It opens the possibility up to teams being ultra humiliated.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Edwin & Monica still rank lower because Yani & Nadine would have been eighth if not for their Marked for Elimination penalty. Edwin & Monica finished dead last both times, and being marked for elimination had zero impact on how terrible they were.

LAST PLACE: YANI & NADINE

NADINE: Even though we didn’t expect it, it really didn’t come as a surprise. And she didn’t even cry (for once). Good job.

“That’s gotta count for something. Maybe a third chance at the race?”

– ALLAN: You ran two legs of the race. How has it been for you two? It must have been difficult.

I don’t know, I think they finished last twice so I think their answer may be along the lines of NO F–KING S–T IT WAS TOUGH.

– Nadine says they will stick to being best friends rather than being a team. They have learned that being a team is much tougher.

Next Time on TAR: We finally go somewhere that is rarely visited, and reveal another act of plagiarism from the makers of TAR 24.

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

—

SUNAINA.DIMPLE 11.6

BBALLCHARD.TOQUECHARD 5.3

HUSSEIN.NATASHA 2.4

YANI.NADINE 4.6

MANAS.SAHIL 3.3

JESS.LANI 5.4

ETHAN.KHAIRIE 6.9

WENDY.ALAN 5.1

MICHELLE.CLAIRE 5.4

IVAN.HILDA 5.1

Team Averages

—

Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.

e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.

Therefore their average is 8.2.

Bulls— Round One/Starting Line Eliminations

Eric & Lisa N/A

Bilal & Sa’eed N/A

— F minus–

12th Debra & Steve 12.0 TAR 4

12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0 TAR 3

11th Adrian & Dana 11.0 TAR 16

11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0 TAR 14

11th Anita & Arthur 11.0 TAR 13

11th Ari & Staella 11.0 TAR 12

11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0 TAR 11

11th Vipul & Arti 11.0 TAR 10

11th John & Scott 11.0 TAR 9

11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0 TAR 7

11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0 TAR 6

11th Dennis & Erika 11.0 TAR 5

11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0 TAR 2

11th Matt & Ana 11.0 TAR 1

10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race TAR Asia 3

10th Yani & Nadine 10.0 Would have survived round two, but were marked for elimination and thus officially finished in last both rounds TAR Asia 4

10th Jody & Shannon 10.0 TAR Adventure 16

10th Lisa & Joni 10.0 TAR 9

10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0 TAR 11

10th Neena & Amit 10.0 TAR Asia 3

10th A Black Family 10.0 TAR 8

— F +–

10th Steve & Linda 9.4 TAR 14

10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????) TAR 13

10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.) TAR 7

11th Garrett & Jessica 9.5 TAR 15

10th Kate & Pat 9.0 TAR 12

9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0 TAR 11

9th Peggy & Claire 9.0 May or may not be gutsy. TAR 2

10th Meredith & Maria 9.0 TAR 6

10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF TAR 3

9th Marianna & Julia 8.33 TAR 12

10th Russell & Cindy 8.33 TAR 4

8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2 Saved by NEL once TAR 6

10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0 TAR 10

10th Kim & Leslie 8.0 TAR 1

8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 Yielded TAR 9

8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 Sucked. TAR 13

7th Mika & Canaan 7.67 Why the heck did they sign up? TAR 15

9th Marcy & Ron 7.67 Bald. TAR 15

9th Isaac & William 7.5 TAR Asia 3

9th Jim & Marsha 7.33 TAR 5

8th Aiello Family 7.0 TAR 8

8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/) TAR Asia 2

–D minus–

8th Tom & Terry 7.0 TAR 10

8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta TAR 1

9th Lena & Kristy 7.0 Producers refused to hay bail them. TAR 6

10th Hope & Norm 7.0 TAR 2

7th Christie & Jodi 6.67 Saved by NEL–Became the Devil of Casting Later TAR 14

9th Brad & Victoria 6.67 TAR 14

7th Niroo & Kapil 6.75 TAR Asia 3

6th Maria & Tiffany 6.57 Saved by NEL once and Justin’s blunder again TAR 15

9th Rogers Family 6.5 R.I.P. Renee. TAR 8

8th Susan & Patrick 6.5 TAR 7

6th Henry & Terri 6.44 Used Their Yield; saved by a non-elimination round THREE times. R.I.P. Henry. TAR Asia 2

6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43 Saved by NEL once TAR 1

9th Brett & Kinar 6.33 Rocky finish. TAR Asia 2

9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 6.33 TAR Asia 1

8th Pailin & Natalie 6.33 TAR Asia 3

9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25 TAR 9

7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2 TAR 13

7th Paul & Amie 6.2 TAR 1

8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF TAR 4

6th David &Mary 6.13 FF Saved by NEL once TAR 10

–D+–

8th Lance & Keri 6.0 TAR 15

9th Zev & Justin 6.0 Passport lost. TAR 15

10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0 TAR Asia 1

11th Amanda & Chris 6.0 TAR 4

6th Andre & Damon 5.86 TAR 3

7th Daichi & Sawaka 5.83 TAR Asia 2

7th Dave & Lori 5.83 Saved by NEL once TAR 9

5th Kami & Karli 5.8 Saved by NEL once TAR 5

8th Michael & Kathy 5.8 TAR 3

7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8 TAR 2

7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn TAR 12

9th Heather & Eve 5.75 Legal team beaten by rule book. TAR 3

5th Nancy & Emily 5.67 R.I.P. Nancy. Saved by NEL once. TAR 1

7th Jeff & Jordan 5.67. Saved by a stupid Blind U-Turn once but dead next day. TAR 16

6th Gaghan Family 5.5 TAR 8

10th Alison & Donny 5.5 TAR 5

6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF TAR 4

8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF. Beaten by a bunch of rules. TAR Asia 1

–C minus–

4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36 Saved by NEL twice TAR 7

7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF TAR 4

7th Marshall & Lance 5.33 TAR 5

9th Monique & Shawne 5.33 TAR 16. Praise Jesus.

9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33 TAR 7

7th Gus & Hera 5.29 TAR 6

6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25 Saved by NEL once TAR 11

8th Bob & Joyce 5.25 TAR 5

8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned TAR 12

5th Mark & Michael 5.22 Saved by NEL once but came up just short TAR 14

3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 13

7th Silver & Gold/ Wil & Grace 5.17 TAR 3

6th Kelly & Christy 5.14 TAR 13

7th Ray & Deana 5.0 FF TAR 7

7th Melody & Sharon 5.0. Screwed over by weird penalty for another team. TAR Asia 1

9th Steve & Josh 5.0 FF TAR 4

9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 FF TAR 1

9th Mark & Bill 5.0 Wah. TAR 13

5th Fran & Barry 4.89 TAR 9

6th Howard & Sahran 4.88 TAR Asia 1

–C + —

3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded TAR 10

5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF and saved by NEL once TAR 3

6th Mai & Oliver 4.8 In a car TAR Asia 3

7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83 TAR 11

7th Schroeder Family 4.75 TAR 8

6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield TAR 9

6th Brian & Greg 4.71 TAR 7

5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70 TAR 10

3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 6

9th Duke & Lauren 4.67 TAR 10

5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 6

2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF TAR 3

8th Kris & Jo–er, Amanda 4.50 U-Turned TAR 14

5th Paula & Natasha 4.45 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 2

4th Louie & Michael 4.36 saved by NEL once, used U-Turn. & trained wolf cubs TAR 16

5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 11

8th Joe & Heidi 4.40 – Blind U-Turned with Injured Knee; TAR 16

1st Dan & Jordan 4.33 – FF once TAR 16

3rd Brent & Caite 4.33 – Used U-Turn TAR 16

4th Kisha & Jen 4.27 Saved by NEL once, U-Turned once TAR 14

3rd Brian & Ericka 4.25 saved by NEL once TAR 15

8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF TAR 2

–B minus–

3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23 saved by NEL once TAR 9

5th Gary & Matt 4.22 saved by NEL once and c—blocked once in Saunabuss TAR 15

3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned TAR 12

4th Linda & Karen 4.17 Saved by NEL once TAR 5

3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15 TAR 11

6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.) TAR 2

5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield TAR 8

5th Lynn & Alex 4.11 TAR 7

5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded TAR Asia 1

5th Carol & Brandy 4.00 – U-Turned. May or May Not Be Mean. TAR 16

3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL, grew goatees TAR 4

4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2

2nd Jaime & Cara 3.92 TAR 14

2nd Pamela & Vanessa 3.92 TAR Asia 2

4th A.D. & Fuzzie 3.90 – U-Turned and saved by NEL once TAR Asia 3

5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF TAR 2

2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85 Saved by NEL twice TAR 4

1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1

2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1

4th Diane & Ann 3.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 2

4th Jon & Al 3.73 TAR 4

6th Charla & Mirna 3.71 TAR 5

–B+–

3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2

5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF TAR 4

5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 12

1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL once TAR 11

4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1

6th Mel & Mike 3.57 TAR 14

6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56 TAR 6

3rd Ida & Tania 3.54 Saved by NEL twice TAR Asia 3

4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded TAR 9

3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46 TAR Asia 1

1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded TAR 6

2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45 TAR 12

4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st TAR 12

1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 2

1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield TAR 5

6th Steve & Allie 3.38 – TAR 16, and ain’t got no clothes.

4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF TAR 1

3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31 Saved by NEL once TAR 5

5th Terence & Sarah 3.25 TAR 13

1st TK & Rachel 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 12

4th Godlewski Family 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 8

4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once

–A minus–

2nd Sam & Dan 3.17 U-Turned Pointlessly TAR 15

7th Peter & Sarah 3.17 TAR 10

3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL twice TAR 8

1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF TAR 4

1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 7

4th Toni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia TAR 13

4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF TAR 3

2nd Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 3.09 Used Yield and U-Turn TAR Asia 3

4th Herb & Nate a.k.a. Flight Time & Big Easy 3.09 TAR 15. Znarf!

2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF TAR 10

3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 7

6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00 – TAR 12

4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92 – Saved by NEL onceTAR 6

2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield TAR 10

2nd Bransen Family 2.85 – Saved by NEL onceTAR 8

1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield TAR 8

3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 1

–BEST OF THE BEST–

3rd Margie & Luke 2.75 Used U-Turn once TAR 14

5th Henry & Bernie/Bunn-Eh 2.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 3

8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield, Choked TAR 11

1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 3

3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF TAR 3

4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2, Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 11

2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 13

2nd Jet & Cord 2.58 – Saved by NEL once TAR 16.

2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF, Yielded, and saved by NEL once TAR 5

2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF TAR 2

1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF TAR 1

1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF, Used Yield, and saved by NEL twice TAR 9

1st Vince & Sam 2.45 FF TAR Asia 3

1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF TAR 13

1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF TAR 10

2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF TAR 1

2nd Kris & Jon 2.38 TAR 6

1st Tammy & Victor 2.33 Used U-Turn Once TAR 14

2nd Rob & Amber 2.31 TAR 7

1st Adrian & Collin 2.23 FF TAR Asia 2

1st Meghan & Cheyne 2.00 FF TAR 15

2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF TAR 9

lol 3rd Marc & Rovilson 1.46 Used Yield and Yielded TAR Asia 2

Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)

—

11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 10 + 11

11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 3 + 11

18 legs Danielle 4.78 yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11

19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF TAR 3 + 11

13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF TAR 1 + 11

20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 TAR 5 + 11

21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF, saved by NEL thrice TAR 1 + 11

22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2, saved by NEL twice TAR 7 + 11

*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF, yielded x3, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11

23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3, used Yield, saved by NEL twice TAR 2 + 11

25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 used Yield twice, saved by NEL once TAR 10 + 11

26 legs Eric 2.65 FF, yielded x2, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11

17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 Used Yield TAR 7 + 11

* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.

Rank the Legs

—

1) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia -> George Town, Penang, Malaysia

Running backwards up a narrow staircase at the starting line? Counting steps at Batu Caves? Driving yourself to a route marker that was aired just a few months ago in the US version, and directly acknowledging it?

Refusing to properly explain a soccer penalty shootout task?

Creating a Detour where ten teams all pick the same Detour where one member pretended to clean a window and the other took a picture?

All of the teams finishing within an hour of each other?

Sorry, that was Bethany Hamilton ranking this leg.

I am glad nobody was eliminated because nothing really happened this round. I applaud producers for trying two unique tasks and a unique visual for the starting line, but re-using Kuala Lumpur and Penang so soon again made it feel stale.

Not to mention my ears burn from hearing Amazing Grace. By the way, did teams ever start forming relationships with each other? I feel like we learned almost nothing about everyone other than a few occupations and country of origin.

Nothing very laugh out loud funny either other than Hilda becoming the new Terri and Jess picking up locals that do NOT like being used.

Losing in your home town is always fun to watch, but seeing you finish in first place for that round comes off as boring as Tammy & Victor. Sorry Ethan & Khairie.

Maybe I just have something against having any more rounds in that whole peninsula. Los Angeles, northeastern China, and the Malay peninsula will always be under fire in these blogs.

I will praise them for doing a Roadblock and a Detour in the season premiere. Lots of tasks squished into one episode, come to think of it.

2) George Town, Penang, Malaysia -> Kampung, Malaysia

What a dumb round design.

An equalizer halfway through the leg?

Give a lousy twenty minute advantage for a team eating 275 chicken balls knowing that failure to complete one of the tasks will automatically give five teams a four hour penalty?

Petting the anaconda looked dangerous.

The underwater puzzle Roadblock was complicated.

The Detour was on par with most tasks in TAR history. Adventure task versus coordination.

Self-drive legs are always what TAR is all about.

But a four hour penalty for a team failing to complete the underwater puzzle Roadblock within ten minutes? Four hour penalties should only be assessed if a team QUITS a task.

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

Following TAR 16’s unnecessarily high levels of nastiness towards each other, it is nice to watch a season where everybody gets along. The closest thing to a rivalry is Sunaina & Dimple simultaneously hating and loving Michelle & Claire who they nicknamed Dominatrix.

Lastly, the Richards should be given ten bucks just for spooking Hilda twenty feet from the pit stop mat. Classic.

And screw you TAR 24 for copying half of the round and ruining any good task that occurred for this leg. Shame on you.

Rank the Teams

—

1) Yani & Nadine

In seasons prior to Asia 4, we suffered through weak Speed Bumps that had already aired between seasons twelve and sixteen of the American version. With the twenty-fifth season currently airing, Speed Bumps are openly mocked by all fans.

But seeing the Asian format continue on with Marked for Elimination is refreshing. The penalty puts you in a crappy spot. Particularly when an equalizer halfway through the round makes it nearly impossible for you to beat anyone by much of any time, let alone thirty whole minutes.

Nadine really screwed up the first Roadblock on the cruise ship which earned them that penalty.

Furthermore, Yani failing at the underwater puzzle and being one of five teams to be assessed the four hour penalty put the nail in the coffin.

As I said earlier, they are not the worst team ever. They did beat Jess & Lani and Hussein & Natasha if the thirty minute penalty was erased. Edwin & Monica checked in dead last both legs before the marked for elimination penalty was even factored in.

Their love for Indonesia did not do much to rival with their supposed hatred of Malaysia as they could not do much of anything for two legs. Why, Yani nearly quit over the anaconda task. If Nadine was told by producers to not use physical force, they would have been out right then and there.

In other words, they both contributed to a poorly organized team. They sucked at directions, they sucked at tasks, and could have survived this leg if they could have chosen Rapid Fire as opposed to Rapid Water. So they were bad at decisions too.

Hussein & Natasha choosing Rapid Fire truly made the difference.

Outside of their performance, I thought Yani & Nadine were alright as characters. It appeared they enjoyed their experience for the most part, and got along well. We have seen a lot of mactors in the past do awful in the American and Asian seasons in terms of possessing zero competitive willpower or an interest in the adventure.

So let’s salute what little the second worst statistical team in TAR Asia history were able to accomplish!

***

Oh, and here’s a good TAR podcast. Not a stupid one.