With Bret Bielema moving along, there's no one left in the Big Ten with the fortitude to directly oppose Urban Meyer's merciless pirate recruiting tactics, which won head-to-head battles against the SEC multiple times on National Signing Day and produced a top-five national class, blasting away everyone in the conference save Michigan.

Recruiting near-equal Brady Hoke doesn't care, Bo Pelini has his own battles to pick with the likes of Kentucky, Mark Dantonio has never endured an emotion, and everyone else is either content to stow away decent classes, is brand new, or is at schools unlikely to ever approach the tops of any rankings. Or is, you know, under crippling sanctions.

At this point, Meyer would likely settle for a public debate on leisure watercraft with Bielema just to know the taste of competition one last time. From an interview with 97.1 The Fan in Columbus:

It's not only important, it's essential [for the Big Ten to improve its recruiting against the SEC]. We do need to, as a conference, keep pushing that envelope to be better. All our conversations - we will have a Big Ten meeting on the 11th - and our conversations need to be how do we recruit. When you see 11 of the SEC teams are in the Top 25 in recruiting, that is something that we need to continue to work on and improve.

Please stop disappointing Urban Meyer, Big Ten. He's going to start giving you head-starts, and there's nothing more shameful than that.