AUSTIN, TX—Hailing it as a promising potential fuel source with vast untapped reserves, researchers at the University of Texas revealed Wednesday that they are attempting to harness the abundant energy produced by the nation’s intense fracking debates. “We’ve been working tirelessly to develop a means of converting highly charged arguments from both advocates and opponents of fracking into a clean and efficient source of power,” said lead researcher Luke Hutchcroft, who noted that the combustible exchanges regarding the economic benefits of hydraulic fracturing and its environmental consequences are particularly prevalent in dispute-rich states such as New York, Colorado, and Pennsylvania. “While there are certainly significant outside factors to consider, including whether this energy supply is as inexhaustible as it appears to be, we may yet avert a climate catastrophe by learning to utilize the explosive force of this extremely potent controversy.” Hutchcroft added that the fuel source’s potential was rivaled only by the raw power that may one day be extracted from scientists’ urgent recommendations to adopt renewable energies.

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