The Andy Borowitz of political pundits strikes again.

CNN’s Chris Cillizza claimed Tuesday that President Trump ordered the FBI to ignore allegations that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh had sexually assaulted a woman in the early 1980s.

This story begins with a tweet from CBS News’ Mark Knoller, who tweeted, “Pres Trump says he still hasn't spoken to Judge Kavanaugh, but says he knows he has [the president’s] support. Pres is critical of Dems and [Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif.] for handling of allegation against Kavanaugh. Says FBI doesn't want to reopen its background investigation.”

Cillizza smelled a scandal.

“No big deal,” he tweeted to his 600,000-plus followers. “Just the president telling the FBI to ignore an allegation of sexual assault.”

But that’s not what happened. Not even close. This shouldn't be this difficult.

The president told reporters Tuesday, “I don’t really think the FBI should be involved because they don’t want to be involved. If they wanted to be I would certainly do that, but as you know they say this isn’t really their thing.”

Sen. Feinstein, who first learned of the Kavanaugh allegations in July, referred the matter last week to the FBI. The bureau then kicked the allegations over to the White House, saying it’s more a matter for the Supreme Court nominee’s background check file.

“Upon receipt of the information on the night of Sept. 12, we included it as part of Judge Kavanaugh's background file, as per the standard process,” an FBI spokesperson told the Washington Post.

The bureau's decision makes sense, too, all things considered.

Christine Blasey Ford claims Kavanaugh tried to rape her when they were both in high school. That was nearly 35 years ago.

“The assault occurred in a suburban Maryland area home at a gathering that included me and four others," she said in her letter to Feinstein. "Kavanaugh physically pushed me into a bedroom as I was headed for a bathroom up a short stair well from the living room. They locked the door and played loud music precluding any successful attempt to yell for help.”

It added, “Kavanaugh was on top of me while laughing with REDACTED, who periodically jumped onto Kavanaugh. They both laughed as Kavanaugh tried to disrobe me in their highly inebriated state. With Kavanaugh's hand over my mouth I feared he may inadvertently kill me.”

Ford doesn’t remember the time or the location of the alleged assault. She remembers (or believes) only that her alleged attacker was a young Brett Kavanaugh. The judge, for his part, has denied the allegations repeatedly, saying he never did anything of the sort.

Combine what the FBI did last week with what the president said Tuesday, and I’m not entirely sure what Cillizza is on about. Did he actually hear and/or read Trump’s comments? Maybe, maybe not.

Separately, the New York Times’ Nick Confessore announced Tuesday that his paper is “looking for false information being spread deliberately to confuse, mislead, or influence voters ahead of the 2018 midterm elections.”

Now I'm not saying they should start first by looking at news media, but they definitely should start first by looking at the news media.