America’s founding fathers have come together again, this time to demand a paternity test to prove whether or not they are actually the fathers of the USA.

After seeing the way the USA is turning out, the men have been quick to distance themselves from any possible father-son dynamic.

‘I used to see the resemblance, now I’m not so sure,’ Benjamin Franklin told us.

Franklin – along with John Adams, Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison and George Washington – are now all demanding to see the DNA evidence that America is indeed their child.

‘It was a crazy weekend. No-one really remembers what happened so we all used to be happy enough to agree we were all the founding fathers,’ began Thomas Jefferson.

‘Things are different now though. America has become the prodigal son that started just coasting on potential,’ said James Madison.

‘It might be that only one of us is the father, or that it’s none of us,’ said Alexander Hamilton, fresh off his hit Broadway show.

America now has 72 hours to submit DNA evidence for the test. If it fails to do so it will no longer receive child support from the founding fathers and George Washington has specifically requested that Washington DC removes his name.

‘Swampton may be a more suitable option,’ he told us.