retrogradermusic:

It’s a dark and dreary day. I cry as I enter my bedroom and take off my Doc Martens. So like any normal person, I went to the Pirate Bay to buy some illegal shit. I bought a pirated version of Vegas Pro, FL Studio, and the album “souljaboytellem.com.” My friend recommended it to me as a joke, but when I put the headphones on, something happened. Like a torrent of shimmering light, the sound of Soulja Boy rapping over a symphonically tinged beat with spoken word influences. As I sipped my ginseng tea adjacent to my computer, I spat it out next to the computer without damaging it when Crank Dat came on. Caribbean musical influences, and a military-like chant (well he is SOULJA boy, for godssakes!)

There are lyrics that compare himself to Superman, but I think he’s more like Batman, because the beat work reminds me more of a darker atmosphere. And both President Roosevelts love that reference, Soulja.



Then, Sidekick came on, and there were psychedelic synths that sound proto-Tame Impala-ish, and a synth bass line that reminds me slightly of the Beatles’ “Dear Prudence.” "Snap and Roll" has a video game music influence with some garage rock/psychedelic (think of the Nuggets compilation) influences in the guitar, and intricate strings for a baroque feel. "Bapes" has a futuristic horror/sci-fi theme about shoes. Is this song about the espionages and scary lives of sweatshop workers? Also, Arab mentions Kobe Bryant, and is making basketball sound like a dark and scary sport. There’s also the Black Flag inspired chant of “START CHOOSIN’.” Also, the Eminem inspired intro to “Let Me Get Em” gives this album hip hop credibility. There is an element of sound collage/musique concrete/industrial with the gun fire sound effect laden beat. The chiptune influence on this song must have been an influence on Crystal Castles too! Alice Glass must be such a Soulja Girl! “Donk” has an old-school bubblegum pop influence with its clapping in its fun lyrics, and it almost sounds like an homage to the minimal, overly compressed, and electronically tinged sound on Nine Inch Nails’ “Year Zero.”



I took a Starbucks break in between “Donk” and “Yahhhhh!!!!!”, and I had just realized that Soulja Boy altered hip hop’s landscape, ushering in experimental sounds, and helping lo-fi computer-generated white noise to be more acceptable in a mainstream environment. Then, I sat down for “Yahhhh!” This song has the raw power of the Sex Pistols’ “God Save the Queen” targeted towards the autocratic and oppressive establishment: a legion of dumb-ass fans. The song even adds in a gospel-inspired “speaking in tongues” section. Then, we have “Pass it to Arab,” which has Kraftwerk-like classically-tinged synth melodies (think “Europe Endless” or “The Man Machine”), and there’s even a phased cymbal and hi-hat driven beat, with vocal glitches common in the glitch music on labels such as Warp Records. It also may have a lyrical theme of being accepting of Arabs — I’m gonna need to confirm that.



Then we have the R&B and 4AD dream pop-influenced “Soulja Girl,” featuring i-15, a man with a highway for a name, and vocals that feel like soft Velveeta. And Soulja Boy has a flow on this song that could rival Tech N9ne, Busta Rhymes, Twista, or Chip-Fu at their best. It’s even sample based, with a sample of the classic “Crank Dat,” on this same album. Then we have the poetic “Booty Meat,” influenced by Italian classical accordion music. I could picture listening to this at a decadent Italian restaurant while being served farm-fresh eggplant parmesan or chicken saltimbocca. It’s also a song about deliciously meaty and juicy asses. If Soulja Boy starts a chain of restaurants, I would order the most tender and well done cut of the booty sirloin with bearnaise butter. There’s even a fart sound effect at the end, because butts tend to fart. Then there’s “Report Card”— a mammoth sounding aria with brass, booming bass drums, and a message about getting what you want out of school and being willing to do anything for a better grade. Then there’s the dark and African famine-inspired “She Thirsty.” It’s minimalist, dark, and brooding. It’s so scary and ominous, and you feel like you could be shot at any moment. This is further complimented by the phrygian melody.

But to tie it up, we have an introspective and lyrical track called “Don’t Get Mad,” akin to Eminem’s “The Way I Am” about his rise to fame. It has the lyrical prowess of Public Enemy and Outkast combined. It has a sweet trance beat too, with ambient keyboards Brian Eno could’ve used for a Windows 95 sound effect.



I take off my headphones, and tears roll down from my eyes. Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em has a million genres blended into one consistent whole. When the kids at the end talk about how much they love Soulja Boy, I felt something.



Also, it’s Halloween tomorrow. I think I’ll dress as Superman.



YUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Grade: 10/0