



« Condi faces the music in South America | Latest postings | Swamp Sunrise » Originally posted: March 11, 2006

Obama on Bush, Bush on Obama Posted by Mark Silva at 11:45 pm CST It turns out that Sen. Barack Obama not only has impeccable timing and creative writers, but the freshman Democratic senator from Illinois who has arrived in Washington to exceedingly great expectations among leaders of a party desperately in need of new leaders also can sing. And when Obama had a chance in the spotlight tonight at the annual dinner of The Gridiron Club to poke some fun at the Bush administration, lampoon Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting mishap and even take a few pokes at himself and his own party, he rolled it all out with extraordinary ease. He unloosed a song to boot, sung to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain,'' with the punch-line landing on John McCain. Obama's standup was a hard act to follow. Ask President Bush, who closed the four-hour, white-tie dinner in a ballroom of a Washington hotel with a few jokes of his own but seemed at a loss for return fire. "Sen. Obama, I want to do a joke on you,'' Bush said. "But doing a joke on you is like doing a joke on the Pope. Give me something to work with… Mispronounce something.'' Lynne Cheney, the vice president's wife, also followed Obama with a de rigeur Republican response, noting with a sense of irony that the senator had "emerged'' from his "shell." "There is one good thing about speaking this late,'' she said. "All the hunting jokes have been used up.'' Most of them were used up by Obama, who opened with a show of pleasure for the "extravaganza'' of the evening, attended by Bush, Cheney, half the Cabinet, Chief Justice John Roberts Jr., the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff and a cast of media stars at a perenially private, "Closed Press'' event. "Men in tails. Women in gowns,'' Obama marveled. "An orchestra playing, as folks reminisce about the good old days. Kind of like dinner at the Kerrys. "Nice to see you, Mr. President and Mrs. Bush,'' Obama said to the president seated to his right and first lady to his left. "I think it takes a great spirit for the president, who we all know is an early riser, to sit here until midnight and hear himself lampooned, when he could be back at the White House enjoying a quiet, peaceful night, watching TV and approving secret wiretaps.'' Wielding a script for which Democratic political consultant David Axelrod bears a great amount of credit, Obama noted the absence of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: "You know, the president promised a muscular foreign policy. And anyone who's seen the Condi Rice workout tapes knows he means business. "The truth is, I'm terrified to be here,'' he said. "Not because you're such a tough audience, but because they're serving drinks. I'm standing about 30 yards from the vice president, and I'm a lawyer. The only thing that could make this more dangerous is if he considered me a friend. "Mr. vice president, I know you came here expecting to be a target, which, it turns out, may prove easier for you than shooting at one,'' said Obama, having fun with Cheney's recent accidental shooting and wounding of Texas attorney Harry Whittington on a quail-hunting trip in Texas. "But I do want to thank you. For years, we Democrats have succeeded in doing little more than shooting ourselves in the foot. "You've taught us a valuable lesson,'' Obama told Cheney. "Aim higher.'' Cheney found himself pulling at his eyeglasses to wipe tears of laughter at times, though the president seemed to find less ready humor in Obama's remarks. Obama honed in on Cheney. "There's probably only one person more sick of these jokes than you, and that's your wife,'' Obama continued, hammering on the accident which took the vice president's office nearly a day to publicly reveal. "It's an honor to share this stage with Lynne Cheney – a great personage in her own right,'' Obama said. "Scholar. Author. A few years ago, she wrote a book called, Telling the Truth, or as they call it in the vice president's office, Telling the truth – 24 hours later. "This appearance is really the capstone of an incredible 18 months,'' Obama said, turning to his own brief career in the U.S. Senate. "I've been very blessed. Keynote speaker at the Democratic convention. The cover of Newsweek. My book made the best-seller list. I just won a Grammy for reading it on tape. And I've had the chance to speak not once but twice before the Gridiron Club. "Really, what else is there to do?'' he asked. "Well, I guess I could pass a law or something. "About that book, some folks thought it was a little presumptuous to write an autobiography at the age of 33,'' the senator said. "But people seemed to like it. So now I'm working on volume two – the Senate months. My remarkable journey from 99th in seniority to 98th. "Believe me, when you're the last guy to ask questions at every committee hearing, you have plenty of time to collect your thoughts,'' he said. "Especially when Joe Biden's on the committee. "I'll tell you, that Grammy was a big surprise. I thought, for sure Jack Abramoff would win for his rendition of 'It's hard Out Here for a Pimp.' (And with that line for the indicted lobbyist, Obama drew a good sound belly laugh from Bush, who of course maintains that he doesn't know Abramoff.) "This whole ethics thing has been an adventure,'' said Obama, cast by his party to help seek ethical reforms in the aftermath of the Abramoff scandal. "I was really excited when they asked me to be the lead Democratic spokesman. But I don't know. Turns out, it's a little like being given the Kryptonite concession at a Superman convention. I mean, how did I know it was a freshman hazing? Maybe I can explain it this way:'' And with that introduction, the band struck up a familiar refrain from The Wizard of Oz, and Obama proceeded to sing from the podium, with a steady, unflinching, and even in-tune delivery of a song about the senator from Arizona with a reputation as a maverick and potential Republican candidate for president in 2008 with whom Obama recently shared a rough-edged exchange of letters: "I'm aspiring to greatness, but somehow I feel weightless.

A freshman's sad refrain.

I could be a great uniter, making ethics rules much tighter,

If I only had McCain. "I could bring us all together, no storm we couldn't weather.

We'd feel each other's pain.

Red and blue wouldn't matter, party differences would shatter,

If I only had McCain. "Oh why is it so hard, for honest men of good will to agree.

If we ever found a way to strike a deal, would we survive… politically? "When a wide-eyed young idealist confronts a seasoned realist,

there's bound to be some strain.

With the game barely started, I'd be feeling less downhearted,

If I only had McCain. "Still I hope for the better, though I may rewrite my letter,

cause I gotta have McCain.'' Obama offered an unnecessary apology for his solo peformance: "Needless to say, my Grammy was in the spoken word category. "I should say that I really do get along well with Sen. McCain,'' Obama told the reporters and editors filling the hotel ballroom. "But as you know, not everyone in politics does. Because of his superstar status, his virtuous image, the kind of hero worship treatment he gets from all of 'you, some of my colleagues call John a prima dona. Me? I call him a role model. "Think of it as affirmative action,'' he said. "Why should the white guys be the only ones who are overhyped?'' The night was incomplete without a mention of Valerie Plame, the CIA agent whose identity was revealed by members of the Bush administration, prompting a federal prosecutor's investigation that has led to the indictment and resignation of Cheney's former chief of staff, Scooter Libby. "By the way, before I forget,'' Obama told the audience. "Raise your hand if Karl Rove didn't tell you about Valerie Plame. "Some folks say you've lost your investigative intensity,'' Obama said. "You were a little slow to question the weapons of mass destruction. Maybe got a little used on that whole Valerie Plame thing. But, by God, you brought Dick Cheney to justice, and the world's better off for it. "Or, at least Gridiron speakers and late-night comedians were better off for it.'' Turning for not quite equal time on his party, Obama said: "You know, the Gridiron Club is an aging institution with a long, proud history, known today primarily for providing a forum for jokes. "To some,'' he said, "that may sound like the Democratic Party. "You hear this constant refrain from our critics that Democrats don't stand for anything. That's really unfair,'' he said. "We do stand for anything. "Some folks say the answer for the Democratic Party is to stop being so calculating and start standing up for principle,'' he said. "In fact (Senate Minority Leader) Harry Reid's appointed a task force to study this option. "The Republicans have been poking fun at Democrats for not being united behind a single voice in our party,'' Obama said. "I think that's unfair, and it smacks a little of sexism. And just because the leading voice in our party is a strong-willed, outspoken liberal woman with a famous husband does not mean the Democrats are adrift…. And I, for one, want to thank Barbra Streisand for her great leadership. "I'm sick of people attacking Democrats as being out of touch, saying we lose elections because we're all a bunch of snobby intellectuals who can't speak the common man's language,'' he said. "I mean, what kind of a supercilious argument is that? "Take John Edwards. He's leading a new war on poverty – from his Chapel Hill estate. And he's educating us. I had no idea there was so much poverty in New Hampshire.'' (Cheney's glasses were starting to come off again.) "Speaking of New Hampshire, a lot of speculation that that 2008 campaign could come down to Sen. McCain and Hillary Clinton. The thing I don't think people realize is how much John and Hillary have in common. They're both very smart. Both very hard-working. And they're both hated by Republicans.'' (Both Bush and Cheney seemed to alight on that line.) "I mean, wow, it really has been a rough period for you, Mr. President,'' Obama said. "I missed the Oscars, so when I picked up the paper the next morning and saw Crash in the headlines, I just assumed it was another Bush poll story. "And how about that ports deal?'' he added, with a reference to the attempted takeover of several U.S. port operations by an Arab firm and a shot at Bush's experience with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.. "I feel for you, sir. It's tough getting trapped in a storm, when no one comes to help.'' "And then there's the flap about global warming,'' Obama said. "You know, the Bush administration's been a little skeptical about the whole concept of global warming. It's actually not the warming part they question. It's the globe…. The president was so excited about Tom Friedman's book, The World is Flat. As soon as he saw the title, he said, 'You see? I was right.''' "But when people say the administration is hostile to science, that's really a bad rap. Just last week, they asked for a hundred million dollars for the NIH to fund new research into leech therapy. "I was told that this dinner is off the record,'' Obama said, moving on to the National Security Agency's warrantless domestic eavesdropping in search for terrorists. "No taping or recording of this event, unless, of course, secretly authorize by the president. I completely trust the president with that authority, by the way. But just out of an abundance of caution, and not implying anything, I've asked my staff to conduct all phone conversations in the Kenyan dialect of Luo. "Truth is, this domestic spying has all kinds of useful applications for homeland security,'' he said. "And I have a suggestion in this regard, Mr. President: you can spy on the Weather Channel, and find out when big storms are coming. "You all watch the winter Olympics?'' he asked. "I'm sure a lot of us in politics were following that figure skating, because we can identify with performers who spin wildly and sometimes fall on their butts… I also enjoyed that biathlon, where they ski and shoot at the same time… "Probably not your sport, Mr. Vice President.'' Obama closed with obligatory praise for the work of the free press that served as host for his humor, something echoed by Lynne Cheney as well – for Bush's part, he closed with a few jokes about improving his relations with the press, including Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's plan to amend the First Amendment. Instead of a free press, Bush said Rumsfeld was looking at "free checking.'' But Obama also closed with thanks for all the celebrity he has found during his brief tenure here. "Most of all, I want to thank you for all the generous advance coverage you've given me in anticipation of a successful career,'' he said. "When I actually do something, we'll let you know.'' in Congress, Illinois delegation, Politics, White House | Permalink Comments The greatest truths are said in jest. Posted by: Bill Shakespeare | Mar 12, 2006 11:26:49 AM Will this be broadcast on C-SPAN, C-SPAN2, etc? These are always the best! Posted by: Christine | Mar 12, 2006 5:46:16 PM Following the Illinois tradition started by the late Sen. Paul Simon, Obama will surely get broadcasted as a stand-up comedian - on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, and he won't be so corny as most politicians are up there.

Senator Obama should continue to take advantage of these rare in-your-face opportunities to, as Shakespeare said, "tell truth, and shame the devil!" Specifically, I mean Barack should do comedy in the election campaign, where he can really get at Bush directly.

- Chris Koy Posted by: Christopher Koy, Palatine | Mar 12, 2006 9:52:15 PM Best. Gridiron. Speech. Ever. Posted by: Karen | Mar 12, 2006 10:24:10 PM Finally, a politician that can tell the truth! Posted by: Monte | Mar 12, 2006 10:24:21 PM I hope the Swamp and the rest of the press were paying attention to Obama's closing remarks. He seems not to suffer under the same delusions as the reporters and Democrats who want to rush to anoint him president for life: He has not yet done anything besides be elected. Remember that. And, for the record, this is the second time the evil man, the great terrorist in the White House, has permitted an opponent to ridicule him to his face. Perhaps he should get some credit for at least being a good sport and not some self-righteous blowhard as is more common among many politicians. Posted by: Jinx | Mar 13, 2006 11:21:34 AM Barack! How we need you now more than ever!!! Please, please, please help your party regain their voice again because you seem be the only one who has one. Posted by: Greg | Mar 13, 2006 3:16:34 PM Only in DC....Is this how you get around the "Closed Press" event by blogging about it? :) Posted by: Dawn Withers | Mar 13, 2006 6:15:40 PM This is classic. Is the dinner available on video, by any chance? Posted by: thomask | Mar 13, 2006 8:08:55 PM Read some un-intentional or maybe intentional humor at The Swamp in D.C., with Bush not enjoying it as much as Cheney as they were both roasted. The jokes are worth reading!! Posted by: Nanc,Shirl,Marjie | Mar 15, 2006 4:30:21 PM It is great that this new senator has been given this much democratic space to develop politically. Keep it up. Stand up for what you speak. Posted by: John John | Mar 17, 2006 4:51:11 PM This stuff should be on Pay Per View. Also I'm convinced the bears are winning today solely on Barack saying its going to happen. The man is money. Posted by: Alec K. | Jan 21, 2007 5:47:15 AM Comments are not posted immediately. We review them first in an effort to remove foul language, commercial messages, irrelevancies and unfair attacks. Thank you for your patience.



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