DEAR JOAN: My wife and I bought our house in 1974 and it came with an old birdbath that has been a joy and entertainment, until this spring when the crows decided to take it over.

No more mockingbirds, blue jays, orioles, sparrows, finches and varieties of birds we can’t even name.

The crows make a mess in the birdbath with bits of food and pieces of bone soaking, or scattered in our yard where our dog finds them.

We don’t know what to do. I have emptied the bath with the crows screeching at me. In fact they screech at us if we come into the yard.

Can you give us some advice?

Daniel Harrison, Palo Alto

DEAR DANIEL: The best way to deal with pushy crows is pretty simple. You need to sell your house and move far, far away.

Actually, it’s not that bad, although now that you’ve gotten on the wrong side of the crows by emptying their combo bath and kitchen sink, they’re going to hate on you forever.

You broke a contract with them when you put water in the birdbath and didn’t put out a sign reading “No crows allowed.” They used it, liked it a lot and now will defend it with great passion.

Not that it’s your fault that crows don’t play well with others, but the hard truth is, the crows know how to hold grudges against people they think have done them wrong.

Any anti-bird action you take to scare off the crows will also work against the birds you want to keep in your yard, but there is one, rather strange and macabre tactic you can try.

Crows are very smart birds. They even have what appear to be funerals for crows that die, then leave the area, perhaps sensing that whatever killed their friend might also kill them.

Get a fake, stuffed crow — some wild bird stores have them in stock, or you can order online from a Halloween decoration store — and hang it upside down from a limb or a tree or place where the crows are sure to see it. I’ve been told that in a matter of hours, you won’t find a crow within a block of your house. If they come back later, put the bird out again.

I only have anecdotal evidence that this works, but it’s certainly better than moving.

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DEAR JOAN: What can we do about all the cats in my neighborhood?

There are about three dozen cats that hang around and they all fight, mate and defecate within a three-home radius of my mobile home.

My property manager does nothing to get rid of these loud, smelly creatures. They all seem to be feral. What can I do to get rid of them?

Not A Cat Lover, Milpitas

DEAR NOT A CAT LOVER: The cats are just trying to do their best to survive, but I understand your frustration. They shouldn’t be your problem, as they are not your cats. I’d recommend contacting the folks at Humane Society Silicon Valley, which is a no-kill shelter.

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Concerned Saratoga residents putting water out for wildlife but it’s not a good idea They might be able to help you trap the cats for possible adoption, or neuter and return the cats. While in the shelter’s custody, the cats will be treated for diseases and fleas. Neutering the cats will prevent the mating problem and generally makes the cats better behaved members of the community.

The shelter also will loan out cat deterrent equipment, free for one month, that might encourage the cats to move elsewhere. Call them at 408-262-2133 ext.110 to discuss options.

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