Heroic and Planning My Future

HEROIC:



First off I would like to say thank you to Heroic, the management and its players for giving me a chance to play Counter-Strike on the big stages.



After the first month of Heroic, we fell from #21 to #29 and from there on out it was only up the rankings.



Going from #29 to #12 in the next 2, the best Heroic has ever been ranked.

A great accomplishment that I will cherish for the rest of my life.



We attended 4 important events together:

ESL Pro League, where we qualified for Finals (by besting Na'Vi, #4) and got top8 (Pushing FNATIC out the tournament, #6 I think at the time)



Minor Qualifier, where we flunked out, losing 3-map series to both CR4ZY and NoChance



ESL One Cologne, where we got top8 (Beating ENCE, #2 in the opener)



IEM Chicago, where we got top6 (Beating Vitality, #2 in a BO3 and then losing to #3 ENCE and Vitality #2 in the decider)



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PERSONAL:



Before joining Heroic, something happened in my life that I've been struggling with for about 8 months.



I was depressed and every day felt like a battle.

When Heroic approached me, I knew this was an opportunity I could not consider turning down, even if my mental state wasn't exactly as it was supposed to be. It was simply too big an offer.



I was incredibly happy and forgot my troubles in the first week or so but with Heroic becoming a normal part of my day, I started becoming sad again.



I wasn't myself on the server and my focus was incredibly bad. I made many mistakes that were inexcusable. I was playing way below my level and I felt like it wasn't NaToSaphiX on the server.



Even in Cologne during one of the days, I was sat in the bathroom for over an hour considering leaving the team, since I wasn't fit to play.

I even wrote a friend of mine whilst in there: "Would I be completely crazy if I left Heroic?"



Instead I had a talk with my roommate at the time, Thomas, Heroic's social media manager where I told him about what I've been struggling with and agreeing with him that I should stay in the team and that I should seek a therapist.



When I got home I told my mother that I wanted to meet with a therapist but instead me and her managed to fix the issues that I had and make me happy again.

This was 3 hours before I left for IEM Chicago.



In IEM Chicago I was a different person and a different player.

I was for the first time in Heroic myself on the server and even though I was playing roles outside my comfort-zone I think I played great on all maps except Mirage vs Vitality.



During the vacation we had after, I was relaxing my mind until 10 days before our new season started.

I was putting in 8-10 hour days on stream with 2-3 hours DM every day and FPL after.

I was very motivated to start anew.



Instead I was told that I was out of Heroic and that leads us to now.



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FUTURE:



I will take a week away from FPL/Streaming before starting the grind again.



I want to continue to play Counter-Strike professionally.

I'm going to gather offers and assess my options after the Major shuffle has ended.



I am still up for playing any role, AWP/RIFLE/IGL.



I will not take any "bad" offer, since I'm not desperate to get back to playing immediately.



If I don't get an offer I feel I cannot refuse then I will take 2-3 months break from professional play and instead (hopefully) start streaming full-time, since I have been thoroughly enjoying it and it makes me very happy to interact with my fans and followers.



Make no mistake, the team that gets me on their roster will have a player fit to play.

I want to make that absolutely clear.



Thank you for reading this very long Twitlonger and for your continued support.



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TL;DR

I want to continue playing professionally but won't rush into the wrong team.



If I don't get a "perfect" offer then I will take some time away from the Pro Circuit and instead focus on grinding FPL and streaming.

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