With the entire Internet thinking that OS X Lion would be out today, July 14, a lack of such a release has left many Macintosh users, fans and journalists[1. Please note that Jim Dalrymple was unavailable for an interview. His wife said he had a “Heineken accident” last night. Whatever that means.] lost without hope.

I’ve spoken to several people in the Mac community today, and the story repeats itself all over the place.[2. By “spoken to,” I meant to say, “this post is satire.”]

Ben Brooks:

It is unbelievable this day in age a company like Apple could be so cavalier with a release date of such a major product, leaving customers across the world high and dry, making many think the company shouldn’t be trusted anymore, with things like this. Is anyone at Apple care about the Mac anymore? I thought waiting for Textmate 2 was hard, I’m done.

Joshua Schnell:

We had extra sever hardware ready to go today for the strain Lion’s release would put on the site. We worked overnight last night, finishing editing Stephen’s Lion review. I’m tired, and there’s no Starbucks near my house. Fuck.

Shawn Blanc:

I’m just going to enjoy a cup of coffee and relax. It’s all groovy, except that my MacBook Pro is dying.

Arnold Kim:

Whoops.

Consumers are hurting, too. The world over, Mac geeks called in sick to work today to be able to spend hours watching the OS download from the Mac App Store. Some, on high-speed connections, were even hoping on getting some hands-on time with the OS late tonight, post-install.

One self-proclaimed “iNerd” reached out to me on Twitter saying:

I’ve always trusted the guys @9to5Mac with rumors. WTF. It’s like they killed Santa. In front of my kids. With a goddamn hammer.

Another guy tweeted:

I didn’t have any sick days left, so I quit my job for this. Damn it, Steve.

Whatever the reason OS X Lion isn’t out yet, it is clear that the Mac community is tired of waiting. Riots are forming in IRC channels. People are burning cars in front of Apple Stores.

Please, Apple. Stop our suffering.