Cage Warriors was my moment to get back my dignity, any fighter will tell you, we need to feel that we still belong in our Arena. Mine was Dublin co main event on a very special night, cheered on by my friends and watched by the alphaforce worldwide.

Many won’t ever feel what freedom is or how it’s achieved but on that night I released every piece of fear, pain and doubt inside me. That was freedom, to go out and raise my hands to the crowd knowing I had won, even before I threw the first shot.

I had done and backed up my words and actions over the last fifteen months of recovery from another possible career ending injury. I had taken the choice to possibly taste defeat again but this time it was a different Catherine. I had my pride back, that I could still stand in the Cage and feel the fighter inside me spark again. Burn brighter than ever before and bring a clarity to my journey.

If I told you all I wasn’t scared then that would be lying. It’s good to admit fear as when you defeat it, then it has a bigger meaning to you.

Scared of not believing in myself was the biggest enemy to defeat this time. Some days I would cry after training or sparring as the flashes of loses entered my mind. In those moments I would sit on the cold mat of my gym with Dermot and find somehow the ability to stand up again. To go again because to be honest it’s never really about wining the fight, it’s about being at peace that you didn’t run away. Take the easy choice and retire.

I’ve seen many do it and every time I meet them again I see a sadness in them. They have lost a dignity in themselves. That they let fear master them and if you really are a true fighter, that will haunt you inside forever. I don’t ever want that regret. I still have I think a few fights left in me, a journey or two to experience. It’s why I fight, because the journey is the knowledge and truth about myself.

I will never find that in a normal day, only when I spark the flame in that the Arena do I feel alive. I am leaving my alphaforce with this video taken on the night and as it goes through the stages of my warm up you can see, my fear is beaten out of my chest and found in my screams, emptying my body. I’m understanding it and the moment I’m about to enter. Huge thank you to my sports Psychologist Rob Dawson who took my fear and showed me how to kill it, my corner Dermot and Peter for joining my quest to get my dignity back. Cage Warriors was one of the most magical nights for me. I’m damn glad I never let my fear master me.

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April 18, 2017

Categories: Uncategorized . . Author: catherinecostigan

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