Photo: John Lamparski/2016 Getty Images

Alan Dershowitz, the Trump-supporting lawyer (famously “shunned” on Martha’s Vineyard because of it) once helped get accused pedophile Jeffrey Epstein a lenient plea deal from Florida prosecutors. Still, he has been defiant about his own innocence in the renewed investigation of Epstein brought about by reporting in the Miami Herald. Two of Epstein’s victims have claimed they were forced by Epstein to have sex with Dershowitz, which he denies; one of those women, Virginia Roberts Giuffre, is now suing Dershowitz for defamation through her own lawyer, David Boies. The New Yorker is supposedly working on an extensive article on the accusations against him, and in possibly just a few days, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit will release 2,000 pages of documents related to the Giuffre case. According to the three-judge panel that ruled to unseal the documents, they contain the names of “numerous prominent American politicians, powerful business executives, foreign presidents, a well-known prime minister, and other world leaders.”

But Dershowitz insists he’s not worried. Why? Because of a set of very plausible excuses that are in no way overly defensive and laughably hyperbolic. “Look, I’ve had sex with one woman since the day I met Jeffrey Epstein,” Dershowitz said on Fox News last night, ostensibly referring to his wife, Carolyn Cohen. “I challenge David Boies to say under oath that he has only had sex with one woman during that period of time.”

“My perfect, perfect sex life” is the phrase you didn’t know you needed to hear from @AlanDersh. pic.twitter.com/75HUTUMgG9 — Anand Giridharadas (@AnandWrites) July 19, 2019

“He couldn’t do it,” Dershowitz continued. “So he has an enormous amount of chutzpah to challenge me, and to challenge my perfect, perfect sex life during the relevant period of time.”

Yes, that’s two perfects. No corroboration yet from the wife in question.