“I honestly have no idea what you’re even saying”, Dr. Bhatnagar told his patient this morning after sitting through his hour long soliloquy on the history of competitive Super Smash Bros. Melee.



Cesare “tag not important because I’m lying” Borgia, a professional Melee player, has recently developed pain in his wrists due to the certain controller-grip and constant rapid finger movement that the game requires. To better explain the origins of his condition, Mr. Borgia tried his best to explain how taxing wavedashing, waveshining and L-Canceling can be on the hands.



The doctor, whose face slowly filled with anguish with each mention of meaningless video game jargon, soon gave up all hope trying to understand what his patient was talking about.



“I graduated Harvard Summa Cume Laude”, Dr. Bhatnagar tells us.



Cesare even went on a short tirade regarding the state of the current metagame and was met with many perfunctory nods from the doctor, whose wry expression clearly indicated his intense yearning to be elsewhere. He humbly sums up his feelings regarding the experience by saying he would "seriously rather watch a patient flatline" than sit through all that again.



After seeing his doctor’s lifeless body on his office chair and realizing that there was no chance of mutual understanding, Cesare simply told him that he “fell down some stairs”. Cesare is currently receiving medical treatment for his wrists.