Pole dancing is a fun, sexy, challenging sport that has changed my life. It can also be awkward as fuck. I never had to hold people’s hips with my face close to their butt to ensure they didn’t fall and break their neck before. So naturally, a pole dance class can result in some interesting one-liners. Here are some things you only get to hear at a pole dance class. Or maybe my friends are weird?

Embrace The Weirdness

Pole is a weird sport. You constantly touch and see bodies in a way you don’t often do with people you don’t know that well. Plus, you are doing weird things to your body – exhibit A.

Sometimes, the weird things my teachers have said have been crucial in remembering how to do certain moves. A teacher’s idea to “smell my hand” while improving my flow in a Layout helped me stop throw my arm back, making my movements less jittery. Also, nothing improves your superman – making sure your butt is on the same level as your back – as your teacher saying: “THAT’S NOT A SUPERMAN! IT’S A SLUTTY DOLPHIN!” In short, pole dance classes produce really weird quotes that actually help you learn. And that will scar you for life.

#1 What’s Your Favourite Armpit?

Most pole dancers will have a preferred side to do tricks on. Other pole dancers, like me, have a preferred side for certain moves and a different one for other moves. So my life sucks because I need to study intricate ways not to look like a piece of meat awkwardly hanging off a pole. Anyway, this is why your teacher/fellow students will ask you what your favourite armpit/arm/leg is. If you want to invert, for instance, you might want the pole under your right or left armpit. You might then want to hook your right or left leg for an outside leg hang. And so on. More side action examples below.

#2 Vagina Vagina Vagina

There’s very little room for euphemisms at pole when you have to try moves like the Hello Boys or the Vagina Monster – exhibit A, from my former studio in Sydney, Sydney Pole. So be prepared to hear the word “vagina” a lot and embrace it, because chances are you either have one or like one. Or both.

#3 Pass Me My Foot

Pole dancing can be bendy business. You don’t have to be crazy bendy to do pole… but it sure helps. For those of us who aren’t contortionists, pole mates come to the rescue. Nothing like a pole mate passing you your foot to take a picture of a cool move. This, the bent leg Allegra, is an example. Couldn’t have done it at first without my instructor Nicole passing me my foot.

#4 Look Up In Your Business

One of my favourite quotes by my teacher Ayesha. Forward rolling from the pole to the floor = look up in your business. Shoulderstands = look up in your business. IYKWIM. Classic.

via GIPHY

#5 Spread Your Legs Wider!

Needless to say, the better your splits, the better your moves are going to look on the pole. The Hello Boys (the move I do in this video where I’m sitting on the pole and then I spread my legs) looks great if you’ve got an amazing box splits. I’m somewhere in the middle, so onwards and upwards.

#6 DO. NOT. USE. MOISTURISER.

I grew up in a house where moisturiser is a thing. My mum and I don’t pray before we eat, but we do put moisturiser on everyday. Well that had to stop when I became a pole dancer. When I started complaining about slipping down on the pole my teachers were like: “Did you put moisturiser on?” and then “DUH!” when I said yes. Moisturiser is a pole dancer’s worst enemy. Put it on when you’re gonna be off pole for a couple of days. Don’t overcomplicate your life.

via GIPHY

#7 Don’t Open Your Legs So Fast!

You never know when it’s time to open your legs these days. At the moment I’m struggling with the Ayesha, a move that good pole dancers execute effortlessly but that is proving to be a struggle for me. To do it, you have to invert, slide your legs down and open them in an upside down straddle at a certain point. Apparently, I open my legs too fast, which doesn’t mean I’m too eager, I just lose my balance. Tips are welcome, but it looks like a subconscious problem. Video of my pole mate Elise helping me out.

#8 …And The Pole Needs To Be In Between Your Butt Cheeks.

The Titanic is a move from hell that also happens to look damn pretty. It features you looking like a figurehead with the pole in your butt crack. Even the best pole dancers sometimes hate putting it in a routine because even the pole bottoms you’re wearing might influence whether you get it or not. I don’t have any pretty pictures of me in a Titanic although I get it about once a month, so here’s a stunning picture by Eileen Woo.

#9 Fuck The Floor / Floor Humping / Floor Fuckery

Floorwork is a key part of pole dancing, so much that it now has its own competition, the Aussie-born and UK-imported Floorplay. No floorwork/classique/sexy flow class is complete without some floor humping. The floor is your friend. You are encouraged to love it.

#10 You’re Filth – I Love It! (And other comments appreciating sexiness)

By now you’ve probably been wondering WTF is up with my #pdfilthyfriday hashtags on Insta. Filthy Friday is an Instagram account and a Hashtag started by the amazing Sabrina and sharing all the choreos and freestyles by pole dancers around the world. The pole community is just like that. It embraces all styles – contemporary, classic, lyrical, whatever – but it loves some good old filth. I like to see this embracing of filth as a recognition of creativity, power, sexiness, and of everyone’s different styles. So keep it filthy.

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