YES, BUT HE ALSOWAS A PROPHET

WHO KNEW THE SECRET TRUTHABOUT THE NATURE OF LIFE.

THIS IS JUSTTOO MUCH...

WE WANT TOREVEAL TO STAN

THE GREAT SECRET OF LIFEBEHIND OUR CHURCH.

THE SAFELY GUARDEDSCIENTOLOGY DOCTRINE.

PLEASE, YOUR SON DESERVESTO BE ENLIGHTENED.

STAN, DO YOUWANT TO HEAR

THE GREAT SECRET DOCTRINE OF LIFE BEHIND SCIENTOLOGY ?

SURE.

ALRIGHT, GO AHEADAND TELL HIM.

WOULD YOUEXCUSE US, PLEASE.

THIS IS HIGHLY CLASSIFIEDCHURCH INFORMATION.

AW, RATS !

USUALLY, TO HEARTHE SECRET DOCTRINE

YOU HAVE TO BE IN THE CHURCHFOR SEVERAL YEARS, STAN.

ARE YOU READYTO HEAR THE TRUTH ?

I... I GUESS.

YOU SEE, STAN.

THERE IS A REASON FOR PEOPLEFEELING SAD AND DEPRESSED...

AN ALIEN REASON.

IT ALL BEGAN SEVENTY-FIVEMILLION YEARS AGO...

BACK THEN, THERE WAS A GALACTICFEDERATION OF PLANETS,

WHICH WAS RULED OVERBY THE EVIL LORD XENU !

HA HA HA HAAA !

XENU THOUGHT HIS GALAXYWAS OVERPOPULATED

AND SO HE ROUNDED UPCOUNTLESS ALIENS

FROM ALLDIFFERENT PLANETS...

AND THEN HADTHOSE ALIENS FROZEN !

ZBAATAAA !

HA HA HA HAAAA !

THE FROZEN ALIEN BODIES

WERE LOADED ONTOXENU'S GALACTIC CRUISERS,

WHICH LOOKED LIKE DC-8s,EXCEPT WITH ROCKET ENGINES.

THE CRUISERS THEN TOOKTHE FROZEN ALIEN BODIES

TO OUR PLANET... EARTH.

AND DUMPED THEM INTOTHE VOLCANOES OF HAWAII.

THE ALIENS WERENO LONGER FROZEN

THEY WERE DEAD.

THE SOULS OF THOSE ALIENSHOWEVER, LIVED ON

AND ALL FLOATED UPTOWARDS THE SKY...

BUT, THE EVIL LORD XENUHAD PREPARED FOR THIS !

HA HA HA HAAAAA !

XENU DIDN'T WANTTHEIR SOULS TO RETURN,

AND SO HE HAD BUILT GIANTSOUL CATCHERS IN THE SKY !

AAAAAGHGHGH !ZZZZZZBAAAAA !

THE SOULS WERE TAKEN TO A HUGESOUL BRAINWASHING FACILITY

WHICH XENU HAD ALSOBUILT ON EARTH !

THERE THE SOULSWERE FORCED TO WATCH

DAYS OF BRAINWASHING MATERIAL

WHICH TRICKED THEM INTOBELIEVING A FALSE REALITY.

XENU THEN RELEASEDTHE ALIEN SOULS,

WHICH ROAMED THE EARTHAIMLESSLY IN A FOG OF CONFUSION.

AT THE DAWN OF MAN,

THE SOULS FINALLY FOUND BODIESWHICH THEY COULD GRAB ONTO.

THEY ATTACHED THEMSELVESTO ALL MANKIND

WHICH STILL TO THIS DAY,CAUSES ALL OF OUR FEARS,

OUR CONFUSIONSAND OUR PROBLEMS.

L. RON HUBBARDDID AN AMAZING THING,

TELLING THE WORLDTHIS INCREDIBLE TRUTH.

NOW ALL WE'REASKING YOU TO DO...

IS PICK UPWHERE HE LEFT OFF.

BUT I DON'T KNOWANY OF THIS STUFF !

NEITHER DID L. RONWHEN HE STARTED.

HE SAID HE JUSTCLOSED HIS EYES

AND WROTE DOWNWHATEVER CAME TO MIND.

YOU CAN DO THE SAME,JUST LET IT FLOW.

OKAY, I'LL TRY.

I JUST WISH I COULDWRITE IN MY ROOM,

BUT TOM CRUISE WON'TCOME OUT OF THE CLOSET.

I KNOW, WE'VE SENTNICOLE KIDMAN UP THERE

TO SEE IF SHE CAN HELP.

TOM...TOM IT'S NICOLE.

HI NICOLE.

TOM, DON'T YOU THINK THISHAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH ?

IT'S TIME FOR YOU TOCOME OUT OF THE CLOSET.