In his youth, the Detroit rapper Ryan “Royce Da 5'9''” Montgomery was known for his precision. His rhyme patterns and punchlines rivaled those of his friend and Bad Meets Evil partner, Eminem. Royce dazzled with his skill, but the substance of his rhymes didn’t always match the dexterity with which he spoke them. What he wasn’t rapping about then was where the anger and intensity in his music was coming from, how family trauma affected him, and how alcoholism played a role in his life. Now, decades later, a rejuvenated and sober Royce has bared his soul on his latest album, Book of Ryan, addressing his complex relationships with his father, his brothers, and sons—three generations of Montgomery men. He has also held himself accountable for the pain he has inflicted on others, specifically his wife.

Speaking over the phone from Milan, Italy, Royce describes how alcohol and the infidelity that accompanied it nearly wrecked a relationship that started when the two were teenagers.

Photo by John Ricard/Getty Images John Ricard

My girl and I were in the same Spanish class in high school. One day, I was walking home and I saw her pull up in her mom’s car, banging the Roots real loud. I ain’t gonna say that I fell in love with her, but that put her on my radar. By the time we got together and got out of high school, I was in the rap game and able to buy her an engagement ring. Honestly, I don’t really remember exactly how I felt at that moment when we got married. I just knew I had to do it and we went and got married at the courthouse.

The years right after high school are the most important years in terms of development. Some [people] go to college for their development, while others go to a corporate job. Unfortunately, I did my developing in the music business. I also decided to start drinking when I was 21. Once I started heavy drinking, I didn’t do any developing. All I really did was just became one of the niggas that do as the Romans do. I fell prey to the fun side of the industry. I came into the game with a lot of principles, and loyalty was always a big deal to me, but I kind of lost my way. This is very easy to do when you’re on autopilot and not really paying attention to everything that’s going on and waking up every day to have fun. You get used to having money because you never had money before and there’s no way to prep you for what’s to come. It was all trial and error. Unfortunately, everything that the wifey caught from my drinking and infidelity was collateral damage. She received the brunt of everything.