At some point on Tuesday, a selection plate of M&S sarnies, a couple of jugs of tap water and a sense of weary resignation will be delivered to a conference room somewhere in Goodison Park for the second day in a row. Following them will be Ronald Koeman, various scouts and suits, who will all sit down to work out quite how they managed to spend nearly £150m this summer without bothering to sign a striker who can score goals.

Next on the agenda will be how they did not manage to sign Diego Costa from Chelsea for £70m, if the Daily Mail is to be believed. Third will be whether to dangle a bale of cash over Parc des Princes in the hope of landing Edinson Cavani with their bait – or at least that’s what Tutto Mercato are saying. Finally, they will discuss who takes the club’s penalties if they’re successful.

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Elsewhere, various suits from Manchester United and Chelsea have shed said suits, donned shorts, singlets, sweat socks, sprinting shoes and other alliterative items of clothing and embarked on what is being reported as “a race” to sign Genoa’s 16-year-old £40m “whizzkid” Pietro Pellegri. Lazio and Juventus have a head-start in said “race” given that they’re nearer to Liguria in the first place. Pellegri, meanwhile, has been compared to Pierluigi Casiraghi by somebody or other, which will come as good news to Chelsea who still have fond memories of his roaringly successful spell at Stamford Bridge.

In news that has come from what The Mill is contractually obliged to call “Spanish outlets”, a term that brings to mind continental plumbing merchandise, Philippe Coutinho has apparently reiterated his desire to move to Barcelona, while Real Madrid are hoping they can bundle Julian Draxler into a fast car on the A10 out of Paris, preferably with a view to him playing for them.

Tottenham have renewed their interest in Ross Barklezzzzzzz.

In Manchester, a gathering of agents, lawyers and the photographers who take those pictures of football managers and players holding pens over bits of paper on club desks can only mean one thing: it’s contract renewal time! Manchester City are waving one under Kevin De Bruyne’s nose, despite the fact he has four years left to run on his existing one. Raheem Sterling will be convinced to stay on too, despite Arsenal sniffing about the place. On the other side of the city, Marouane Fellaini and Marcus Rashford will be offered the chance to tell the world how “at home” they feel at Old Trafford in exchange for four or five more years of contractual obligation to the place.



In manager news: Ronald de Boer’s next pay-off could come from Deportivo la Coruña, Newcastle owner Mike Ashley is pondering talks with Rafa Benítez over a new contract – talks which, if Ashley’s deal-making is true to form, ought to be rollicking good fun – and the Italian Antonio Conte has “shocked” Chelsea by saying that, at some point, he might head back to Italy, the country of his birth, childhood, friends, tongue and suits in comments made in Italian to an Italian radio station.

Bubbling under: Leeds United have painted sights on former Arsenal midfielder Fran Mérida in an attempt to make it obvious they are targeting him. The Huddersfield Examiner reckons West Ham are lining up David Wagner to replace Slaven Bilic and Laurent Koscielny has said, with an apparently straight face, that gravity’s Alexis Sánchez is fully committed to Arsenal.

