By: Heather Seebach





We are deep into Oscar season now, and with the ceremony just days away, I think we are all sick of hearing about Daniel Day-Lewis, "I Dreamed a Dream", Kathryn Bigelow condoning torture , and computer-generated tige rs. Do you prefer something a bit more bonkers and gory than what the Academy has to offer? Then check these out - my horror alternatives to the Best P ictu re nomine es:

Instead o f Lincoln :

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)



Yes, there's that A be Lincoln vampire movie too, but of the two over-saturated sub-genr es, I p refer zombies . Even better, this is from those kings of hilariously bad rip-offs, The As ylum. Genre veteran Bill Oberst Jr. stars as the titular

scythe-wielding president.

Instead of L ife of Pi:

Burning Bright

(2010)





Why watch some Indian boy trapped on a lifeboat adventure with a tiger when you can watc h Bri ana Evigan and her autistic brother trapped in their house . ..w ith a vicious hung ry tiger...during a hurricane! ?

Instead of L es Miserables :

Cannibal! The Musical (1993)



This musical based on the tragic deaths of five prospecters and the alleged cannibal who killed them is nowhere near as depress ing as Les Mis, but if you want your horror with some Broadway-quality songs, look no further than this Trey Parker/Matt Stone cult classic!

I nstead of Zero Dark Thirty :

Osombie (2012)

You already know how Osama bin Laden was ca ptured anyway

, the news covered that pretty well. So why not watch what happen s next, when bin L aden rises from his watery grave

with an army of zombie terrorists!

Instead of Silver Linings Playbook:

Lunatics: A Love Story

(1991)





If I were to really over simplify David O . Russell's

romdramedy,

it would be like this: two crazy people fall in love . So if you'd rather see that story with Ted Ra imi instead of Bradley Cooper, boy, do I have the movie for you!

Sam Raimi's old pal Josh Becker made this off-beat romance.

In stead of Argo :

Wes Craven's New Nightmare

(1994)

Not too many horror flick s have Iranian terrorists or CIA extractions, but hey, if you want a fake fi lm-wit hin-a -fi lm, Wes Craven did it be f ore Ben Affleck with this seventh installment in the Nightm are on Elm Street franchise.





Instead of Beasts of the Southern Wild:

Hatchet (2006)

It does not have an adorable 6 -year-old girl but Hatch et does offer the

same grimy Louisiana bayou setting.

Instead of prehistoric aurochs, you get a homicidal mutant ! Throw in some jaw ripping and t hat's what I ca ll an upgrade !









Instead of Django Unchained :

Dead Birds (2004)





If you're simply in the mood for something bad-ass, a number of Django films could sate your appetite (especially

Sergio Corbucci's 1966 original) but if horror is what you're after - how about a Civil War- era, plantation-based mo vie with an escaped black slave ? If you're not already swayed, t his was Simon Bar rett's first feature film script.

Instead of Amour :

High Tension (2003)





When I think of French love stories, this is always the first one that comes to mind.

Besides, you don't care about two

octogenarians in love, you wanna see two young chicks, right? Plus a shit ton of blood and guts, right? Never mind th e awful ending, just enjoy this gory, twisted love sto ry.