“Service topping” is a term that sometimes gets a bad rap among kinksters. It really refers to those folks who focus on the service of the bottom as a vital facet of their topping, or giving sensations in play. Some kinky folks will use the term dismissively. “Oh, she’s just a service top, she’s not a real dom.” Which is crazy bullshit.



First off? Being in service doesn’t mean you are submitting. It means you are doing something helpful, facilitating the creation of safe space, being generally awesome.



Secondly? There are fewer things more “real” than human connection, and this is something that a top in service to the scene can provide.



So what do dominants and tops do emotionally? What service are they providing there?



Sometimes it is the safety of space within which the submissive can fully express their submissive self. Or the knowledge that they are safe, protected, and well cared for.



When I asked how dominants exercise their control and therefore provide service, my friend Spencer Bergsteadt, a well-respected Lawyer, Advocate for Transgender issues, and a dominant who identifies as a “Daddy,” said



“I provide service all the time to my partner(s). It might be through taking charge of the travel plans (…) It might be at an event where I set the dress code so that my partner will truly shine at the event. It might be in keeping other people in check. The other night we were at a play party and my girl was talking to a few friends. There was a new person there with whom we were not acquainted. I was sitting about ten feet away when said new person started putting the moves on my girl. I simply said ‘You should step back about three paces.’ to the new person who was then flustered, came over to offer apologies, etc. On the drive home later, my girl thanked me for being so observant and for helping her to not have to handle the situation herself.”