When people find out I teach mindfulness and meditation, many of them jokingly ask if I’m enlightened. It’s fitting, because mindfulness and meditation are often associated with Eastern philosophy. And, even people who have never studied these traditions have heard tales of “instant enlightenment” as a result hearing some esoteric parable, or solving a Zen koan.

In the West, we talk about discovering the “meaning of life,” or the secret to happiness. Regardless of what we call it, it all points to the notion that there is something you can learn which will instantly transform you into some magical “state of being” where you completely understand existence, and have all the answers.

Before we go any further, I want to make sure I don’t mislead you: I would never say I’m enlightened. I would never even say I can accurately define what enlightenment is. And, I’m a firm believer that if someone tells you they are enlightened, you should run fast in the opposite direction.

I do, however, have ideas. And they don’t involve some wise old sage sitting on a mountain top, counseling people who have traveled from distant lands. Not that I have anything against wise old sages — I hope to be one myself, some day.

In my opinion, enlightenment isn’t an “event” that happens, it’s a path that you walk. That path is paved with the following insights:

I am not my thoughts; I can observe my mind, and I don’t have to blindly follow it. The only time I can live life is now. I am responsible for my suffering — it isn’t caused by external factors (other people or things). I am connected to everyone and everything else — I’m not alone on an island, suffering the trials and tribulations of life by myself.

In previous articles here on Medium, I discussed the first two points. To summarize: through a consistent meditation practice, you can learn to understand your mind and how to deal with the struggles it creates in your daily life. Our normal condition is “lost in thought,” but it doesn’t have to be — we can learn to separate what’s actually happening from the stories playing in our heads. In doing so, we can improve our lives dramatically.

Meditation and mindfulness also teach you that the present moment is all you have. Your mind pulls you into the past to dwell on things that have happened, causing regret, depression, and a negative self-view. Or, it pushes you into the future to worry over what might happen, causing anxiety, fear, and self-doubt. Or, it creates an alternate reality altogether — one marked by fantasizing and day-dreaming.

Regardless, your mind wants you to be anywhere but right here and now.

But, right here and now is the only time you can live your life. If you condition yourself to stay grounded in the present moment, you can uncover a deeper level of peace and contentment. And, you aren’t as likely to search for happiness and fulfillment on the other side of some future event.

I will discuss the fourth point in a future article, but it can be summed up by this quote from Albert Einstein:

A human being is a part of the whole, called by us, ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us…our task must be to free ourselves from this prison.

Now, I want to discuss the third point: I am responsible for my suffering — it isn’t caused by external factors (other people, events, or things).

This statement can cause a violent reaction in many people. We deny it and we argue it, because we are conditioned to blame everything else for our problems. It’s our partner’s fault. It’s our family’s fault. It’s because of my job — my boss is a jerk. My troubles are caused by the Democrats, or the Republicans, or the political party in my country that I’m against. I’m a victim of circumstance and bad luck. It’s because I live here, or was born there, or didn’t have the right opportunities. And on and on and on.

But, external factors don’t cause our suffering — external factors simply are what they are. What causes our suffering is all of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions about those external factors. We get lost in that mind-made activity. We dwell on it, and get swept away by it. We habitually react with desire for what we like, and aversion towards what we dislike.

Look at stress, for example — we all suffer from it. Stress can be crippling, but it is self-inflicted. It’s easy to blame work, or family and friends, or some other situation. But, the situation is simply the situation. Your stress, on the other hand, is because of your constant mental gymnastics about the situation.

As Eckhart Tolle points out, you have three options when it comes to something you are dissatisfied with…you can

remove yourself from it, change it, or accept it.

Everything else is just noise; it’s self-inflicted suffering.

Once you fully internalize this, it is liberating because you realize that your happiness and well-being are no longer subject to things beyond your control.

You can’t just “flip a switch” and change, however. You are reversing a lifetime of conditioning — it takes time, effort, and consistency. It’s a path that you walk…and that brings us back to enlightenment.

Enlightenment isn’t a magical experience. It’s the realization that you don’t have to be controlled by your mind. And, it’s the process of reinforcing that realization day after day, until it becomes as natural as the act of breathing.

But, even if it becomes as natural as breathing, there will still be times you step (or stumble) off the path. There will be times when challenges temporarily overcome insights. The good news is, that doesn’t mean you have “failed” — all you need to do is return to the path once you realize you are no longer on it. Again and again and again.

It takes time, effort, and consistency. And you can start right now:

I am not my thoughts; I can observe my mind, and I don’t have to blindly follow it. The only time I can live life is now. I am responsible for my suffering — it isn’t caused by external factors (other people or things). I am connected to everyone and everything else — I’m not alone on an island, suffering the trials and tribulations of life by myself.

Why wait? The path is right there.

2019 note — since we wrote this article almost 5 years ago, we developed “Path to realization.” Ironically, it doesn’t actually reflect what’s written here — our other work, “An owner’s guide to the mind” does.

While “An owner’s guide to the mind” is an exploration of your compulsive mind, “Path to realization” is an exploration of who you really are — and, equally important, who you aren’t. Learn more here.