If Senate Republicans went to China, they would be lined against a wall and shot. This partially explains why the Chinese have come out of the recession and the Americans haven't.

Our lead story features Pennsylvanian John Moyer visiting Disney World with his grandchildren. They were touring in Toontown when they met Minnie Mouse. While John posed for a picture with Minnie, he fondled her fake mouse boobs and patted her butt. He did it in front of his grandkids, but at an angle they could not see. After the family walked away, Minnie notified her boss and he notified the Disney Police. They used the newly installed surveillance system [the cameras disguised as mouse ears] to arrest the hapless groper.

Last week, he went on trial and was just sentenced to two days in jail, 180 days probation, and 50 hours of community service--all of which he must do before he can head home to Pennsylvania.

At the trial, the defense attorney argued. "It doesn't matter she was grabbed. She's just a mouse." The prosecutor countered. "It's not just a mouse. It's a person ... It's not OK to go to the diner and pinch a waitress' butt anymore, and it's not OK to go to a theme park and pinch a character's butt."

The defense attorney stressed the incident happened in front of many people, none of whom thought anything was wrong. Also, Minnie didn't say anything! The prosecutor answered that since Disney actors are fired for breaking character, she was terrified of losing her job.

John William Moyer, 60, of Cressona, Penn., left, wipes the ink from his hands after he was convicted and sentenced Tuesday of misdemeanor battery charge for groping of a woman playing Minnie Mouse at Walt Disney World. (GEORGE SKENE, ORLANDO SENTINEL )

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