Wikihow is the most important site you can find on the web. Without it, most people would be dead. And I know this. I know how essential Wikihow is, and I want you to know it too. That’s why I am devoting part of my site to “weird hands,” where I take on one weird Wikihow at a time, and see if I too can be completely satisfied in life. In this post, I want to show you the effectiveness of Wikihow, but in other “weird hands” posts, I will actually try out a weird Wikihow. So here is one of many hypothetical situations:

Maybe you come up to me, and you look sad.

And I’m like, “Dude, hello. You look dejected.”

You might then say, “What the- wait, I am so dejected! How did you know that?”

And then I might say, “Well first, I had to find out if you were a boy or girl. I am an expert at finding out if someone is a boy or girl only because I read this Wikihow “How to find out if someone is a boy or girl“. And it was really tough at first to find out if you were a boy or girl until I made it all the way down to step 8: Ask someone else. And viola!”

You might then say, “Amazing. But…”

And I’m like, “Oooooh. It’s about a girl, isn’t it?”

And you are like, “Yes! How did you know?”

And I’m like, “The same way I know that you have been having a tough time managing diarrhea at school today, champ.”

You grab your stomach, “What? But…”

And I’m like, “Don’t worry sport, I’m the only one that knows.”

And you’re like, “But how?”

And I’m like, “Haven’t you learned by now? Wikihow you dufus! After reading “How to manage Diarrhea at school” I knew what was going on. Now, why don’t you to tell me about this girl?”

So you’re like, “I met a pretty girl but she is just so social! I will never get her unless I act like I am very social.”

Then I’m like, “Don’t worry chief, happens all the time. But you are in luck. Check this out, there is a Wikihow on “How to act like you are very social“. First step: Try to talk more about stuff you saw online or something that your friend sent you. This makes you seem more active and social. Be more knowledgeable about current topics and issues in the world that you can relate to with others. Become more aware of the world you live in. You keep reading those steps, and you are on your way now champ. And if you show that girl how aware you are of the world you and her live in, the only decision she will have to make is whether or not she should wear heels or flip flops to dinner! See you later!”

But you are not done yet, “But wait… she’s got a brother.”

And I’m like, “Oh, I see. Younger or older?”

So you say, “Middle school.”

So I say, “Oh, they can be pretty tough.”

And you’re like, “I know, I don’t know what I am going to do.”

But I know what to do, “Here, try this out. Sing this to him: “It seems today/that all you see/is violence in movies/and sex on TV/but where are those good old-fashioned values/on which we used to rely?/lucky there’s a family guy/lucky there’s a man who/positively can do/all the things that make us/laugh and cry/he’s/a/fam-ily guy”

And the only thing you can say, “Holy crap! That was amazing. What in the world was that?”

And I’m like, “That, my friend, was the theme song to a very funny series called “Family Guy”. And if you really want to impress the brother, you might want to read up on “How to impress middle school boys with your knowledge of “Family Guy”” and he will think you are the coolest 30-year-old he knows!”

In which you then say, “You think so?”

And then I say, “I know so. I wikiknow so. Now get out there and show them how to do anything!”

And that is just one solid example of showing you how these wikihows can be extremely applicable. It’s impossible not to bring them up in daily conversation. Stay tuned for some weird hands stuff next week.