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The Ultimate Douchebag Machine, Acting!, Small Time Tyrants, Dexter meets The Gimp, Coach is pregnant, a mob of angry Q’s from Google target Nick Rekieta, what Lettuce Jones missed the most in jail, where bastards come from, The 2018 “Be More F*ck-able” Challenge, body cameras and my PR campaign for the police, watching children float out to sea, sex with Smeagol, the buying power of Dickels, Negasterios calls in, Google the cult, Stephen Universe is Degenerate: Part 2, Layc’s Singled Out, The World’s Loneliest Dickhead, and more advice for the guy who can’t cum; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

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Thumbnail by Clay Burton.

Dickel-mania is sweeping the nation. I know what you’re thinking, what can I buy with Dickels the only cryptocurrency backed by comedy? Well, my friend, here is a short list of what you can buy with your Dickels:

A better question is, what can’t you buy with Dickels?? Head to dickels.lol to get yours immediately, but first…

Once upon a time, doctors endorsed brands of cigarettes and advertising companies made a fortune off of it–whether or not it had an effect on smoking is unknown, but it was honest advertising. It was a straight-forward lie told right to your face that you could easily see through if you wanted to, but no one did. Of course, the commies and anti-business feminists in Washington had to ruin it for everyone with their “regulations”, banishing the evil advertising companies to the phantom zone and exhausting the general public by forcing them to rationalize their consumption of cigarettes–or so Plaintiff Ouzounian had thought.

As a tech company, Google has always been synonymous with failure to me. Everything good they’re known for they either bought or stole from somewhere else: Gmail (bought), Android (stolen), YouTube (bought stolen content); and everything they’re known for getting wrong was them putting their core competency to the test and shitting out another massive technical abortion like the Planned Parenthood of Internet Member Berries: Google Plus, Google Glass, Google Video, Google Escort. So then why in the face of these massive technical Maddox (failure) does Google double down against reason by employing a bunch of fuckball weirdos and cramming everyone’s schedules full of diversity seminars, pumping resources into Net Neutrality, socially conscious “Doodles”, and measured statements in an unending progressive Black Mass?

To answer Nick’s question, it’s because Google isn’t a technology company. Google is an advertising company, trying to convince you that they’re a doctor when they’re actually the cigarettes, keeping everyone addicted to their cell phones the best way 100 billion dollars in revenue a year and a cabal of ornery, alphabet-identifying malcontents constantly bucking the yolk of technological capitalism know how: by giving us filthy masses virtuous things to constantly signal. And you can’t see it even if you already see it.

Social media is more addictive than smoking.

Look at this motherfucking gun! Thank you Caleb Zlotnik for this beautiful and bad ass piece I call “The Barely Legal”.

<I’ll post in a bit>

“CUCKMAN” by Rob John.



MC MC and KenDollinHide with “Waltz #Tool”.



The “Cucksom Prison Blues” by Ethan Cantrell.



“Heather is Just Like You” by Sriracha.



And here’s the “Stephen Universe” clip I was talking about in which a women jumps into another woman’s pussy and is absorbed by her.



Thumbnail that’s not your problem by Nope.wmv.





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