ABINGTON, PA—Experiencing an urgent need to extend his bloodline, prospective father Mark Griffin said Thursday that he felt pressured to give his mother grandchildren while she was still around to care for them on his behalf. “Sad to say, Mom’s getting older, and if I wait any longer to have kids, she may not be physically able to feed them, clothe them, play with them, and discipline them when I just don’t feel like it,” said 29-year-old Griffin, acknowledging that his mother had been dropping subtle hints that she’d like grandchildren, presumably in order to raise them in his stead. “Someday, Mom’s not going to be around to take my kids to preschool each morning, so I feel a strong sense of obligation to her—she deserves to watch her grandchildren grow up, ideally while driving them to their doctor’s appointments, teaching them the alphabet, and making them chicken nuggets while I pursue my interests.” Griffin said he has “felt the clock ticking” ever since his mother revealed that by his age, she had already given birth to his two older siblings and had begun dropping them off at their grandmother’s house for weeks at a time.

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