DUBOIS, WY—Noting the sheer volume and severity of the posted warnings, sources confirmed Monday that signs along U.S. Highway 26 made the upcoming section of road sound pretty badass. “Holy shit, looks like we’re in for sharp curves, switchbacks, and falling rocks all within the next five miles,” said Dan McDonnell, 30, adding that the high winds, runaway truck ramps, and washed-out bridges promised ahead come across as super fucking hardcore. “Damn, this has to be the most kickass strip of road in the entire U.S. transportation system. I mean, they just keep coming—pavement ends, 9 percent grade, deer crossing, speed checked by aircraft—damn, this is going to be sick.” At press time, McDonnell elected to take an alternate route that his phone suggested would be three minutes faster.

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