The National Rifle Association is really doing their best to be "cool." They have some apps, tweet actively, and now, they have a lifestyle blog. Because where else should a gun enthusiast go to find out how to spend their downtime than to the NRA? (Where they can also find the occasional gun control opinion piece too.)

Here's how the NRA's blog — called NRA Sharp — suggests you live your life to the fullest:

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Like any good lifestyle blog, NRA Sharp helps you to identify what kind of person you want to be, in order to best suggest purchases and experiences that are right for you. Their "Characters" section offers a variety of personalities that you might fit into, and suggests things you should buy based on this.

The "Epicurean Hunter" is their version of a foodie, who finds "using all of the parts of the animal that you can" both responsible and exciting. For this person, they suggestion purchasing Hillrock Whiskey ($79.99) and a variety of fancy knives.

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The social butterfly is known as the "Master of Ceremonies": "Yes, you have all the power, baby. But it’s hard won and well-earned before the curtain opens every night. These things don’t just run themselves. To stay on top, you have to keep climbing – always." For this powerful person, the NRA suggests a $16,000 cigar humidifier with a bald eagle on it (because America) and dance lessons.

Lest we forget the ladies, the NRA has a "Tiny Dancer" character, who is all about being cute, fit, and tiny: "Your gun should fit your hand. Some girls do CrossFit, you prefer hot yoga on the beach. Some girls drink protein shakes, you prefer a crisp, garden salad. Some girls wear spandex, and well, sometimes you do, too." For her, they suggest the Lululemon Hot Spell Bra, a silk dress, and the North American Arms .22 Magnum Mini Revolver. Cute.

Eat

The NRA is pro foraging, because "foraging is taking hold as a new frontier in gourmet eating." So, you should head to your backyard (we're sure the local park is fine if you're a city dweller) and look for some dandelions and ferns. The NRA also suggests you look into a guided foraging excursion, to the tune of about $100. Or visit Noma, a restaurant in Copenhagen that "relies heavily on locally foraged foods." It also costs $530 a meal. Plus airfare and accommodations. Happy foraging, gun lovers.

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Dream

The NRA is all about dreams. So much so that they put together a list of their staff members' favorite daydreams. Weirdly, they didn't include the staffers' full names. I guess they didn't want them getting too many dream emails.

Editor "J.M" likes to wonder about alien encounters: "I found myself daydreaming that aliens from another galaxy came here and they were exactly like us but had just existed for like, 100 more years than we did – and they had these badass guns that would, like, unfold and mold around their hands when they pulled them out."

Writer "K.R." dreams of being a superhero: "I want to move things with my mind."

Graphic designer "W.C." dreams of "coming out of the gun closet": "I think a lot about conversations I would have with the people I know who really hate guns – because I know a lot of them...I think about who I might pull aside, who I think might be receptive, what gun I think they would like – planning my strategy to slowly turn everyone to the light side of The Force."

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Travel

It's not exactly surprising that the NRA offers a guide of a Texas city, but we wouldn't have guessed that they would feature the big blue dot in a red state: Austin. Don't worry, the NRA isn't going to let you forget that: "You might be in Austin, by far the most liberal city in the Lone Star State, but you’re still in Texas."

The NRA's guide to Austin features breakfast tacos, a draft beer bar, mini golf, antiquing, and of course a shooting range (which you should probably visit before the bar.)

Now, I personally have shot guns and have visited my local rifle club for recreational shooting. I believe that responsible gun ownership is possible. But I really need the NRA to stay out of the blogosphere. I'm not eating dandelions, LaPierre. Stop it.

This article was originally published at http://www.thewire.com/technology/2014/05/the-nra-has-a-lifestyle-blog-and-its-exactly-what-youd-expect/371860/

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