Yes, the headline from Craig James’ first debate performance this week and his introduction to the media before the debate was the admission of taking “$20 handshakes” while a player at SMU in the 1980’s. (Even though he had previously denied any involvement in SMU’s checkered past.) In the sports world at large, that might be considered the biggest story. But, for those among us who just see Craig James as the joke that he is, the best of the rest of his quotes from the initial debate didn’t dissapoint. As expected, James sounded like a mix of the corrupt dope of an announcer he was with the caricature of the politician he is trying to be. As Deitsch pointed out on Twitter, the following quotes seem like they belong on the Onion instead of in a legitimate political race. Quotes come from the Texas Politics blog at the Houston Chronicle:

“I’m going up there to kick the skunks out of the bushes,” he said, adding later: “The game’s over, man.”

-Look out skunks in Washington! Craig James is coming to flush the fish down the toilet that is Washington. He’s going to drive the rats out of the sewer that is our nation’s capital. Hmm, I better stop myself before I give James’ brilliant metaphor writer more material.

“I didn’t have the maturity to turn it away,” (On his taking improper benefits at SMU)

“Right is right; wrong is wrong. It’s never right to do wrong.”

-James claimed the benefits he took while at SMU were “insignificant”… so clearly they don’t fall into the “right is right” category. I guess wielding your influence at ESPN to get Mike Leach fired and that whole hooker thing also don’t fall into the “wrong is wrong” category.

Even while playing for the New England Patriots, James turned to real estate deals during the off-season “to prove that I was more than a football player, that I was a smart guy.”

-*shaking head in disbelief*

“I get what’s going on in the real world,”

-Do you Craig… do you really? Because it sure seems like your “real world” and “real street” aren’t in this little place I like to call REALITY.

As if this stream of quotes that would be laughed at in a D-level political movie wasn’t enough, Craig James is out with his newest television ad. Go ahead and watch, but remember AA isn’t responsible if you decide to shoot your computer in the process.

Let’s see…faith, family, freedom, free enterprise. I think Craig is missing a couple of other “F” words to describe himself. Maybe the “F” theme is appropriate though, seeing as how that’s the letter college football fans use to stamp his legacy as an announcer.