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“Up your nose with a surgical clamp!” That is Joao Teixeira’s prescription for treating breast cancer.

I first came across this Brazilian “healer” known as John of God, in 2005 when he was featured on the ABC television program Primetime Live.

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John, who has all of two years of schooling, claims he is only an instrument in God’s divine hands and that during a healing session, his body is taken over by the spirits of long-dead physicians who guide his actions. Judging by the instructions they provide, it seems these physicians missed quite a few classes in med school. John, however, does not solely rely on departed physicians for advice, King Solomon can also be called upon when needed. The spiritual connections also allow John to diagnose a patient with just a glance.

Once the diagnosis has been made, the healing procedure begins. It may be “visible” or “invisible” spiritual surgery. If the patient chooses invisible, they are directed to a room to meditate while the spirits do their work. “Visible surgery” can involve sticking a surgical clamp up the patient’s nose. It looks very impressive, but is nothing but an old carny trick, usually performed with a long nail and a hammer. Any anatomical text will reveal that there is a roughly four-inch-long passage up through the nasal cavity that is quite ready to accommodate a foreign object without any harm.