Tumblr aftercare and why it’s not enough

It is not uncommon to see cute, pastel doodles of “aftercare essentials” or long texts on how to aftercare on the ddlg/petplay side of Tumblr.

Now, don’t get me wrong, these are absolutely adorable, but it leaves me a little uncomfortable to think that many people actually believe aftercare is simply that: a blanket, a stuffie and a cuddle - and if you’re lucky enough, there will be somewhere something like “tell them they did great”.

While these are somewhat good aftercare tips, people always seem to forget the extreme importance of dialogue - especially after intense scenes such as rape play (I cannot stress enough how important aftercare is after rape play scenes).

It’s not just about saying “you did great”, or cuddling watching your favorite TV show - honestly, these are just simple things everyone should have in mind after even vanilla sex, showing love or care.

It’s about asking them if everything went ok, if they are feeling bad or emotionally numb, if they are scared, and all the other things the Dom could worry about regarding the scene (and while usually aftercare regards the sub, let’s not forget sometimes Doms need aftercare too).

Yes, aftercare has many important physical aspects to it, but honestly, these are just secondary. You can’t make a whole text on “Remember to aftercare guys~ ^°^” without stressing the importance of dialogue.

So please, before all the stuffies and blankets and long hours of Netflix, ask your partner: “are you alright?” “do you feel safe?” “what are you feeling?” “are you scared?” “do you feel bad?” and tell them in various ways how much you love them, and care for them, and would never hurt them (without their consent, of course *wink*). Build up a dialogue depending on your partner’s needs.

If your scene went 100% alright, or maybe it was a more “gentle” or “lighter” scene, and a paci or blanket is all that you need, great. But don’t assume that is the essence of aftercare itself.

Thank you if you read this whole rant and stay safe 💕