Socialist Utopia Ruined After Child Shakes Up Ant Farm

BOULDER, CO—It was a socialist paradise. Everyone working together in harmony and equally sharing in the labor. But then disaster struck. Disaster in the form of seven-year-old Timmy Gunderson.

“AAAANTS!” Timmy was quoted as saying as he shook his older sister’s ant farm as if trying to reset an Etch A Sketch.

Until then, the ant farm had been a model of true socialism. No markets. No capitalists growing rich off the labor of others. Just everyone sharing in the noble work of digging tunnels and harvesting the seeds and sugar water provided daily by eleven-year-old Molly Gunderson. While the society produced little in the way of art and music, it was a fair and just community with no crime or poverty.

“The right might seize on the collapse of yet another socialist society,” said professor Clinton Morris. “But it’s important to note that what happened was not a failure of socialism. What caused its failure were outside forces, namely little Timmy.”

There is hope, though, as the surviving ants have already started to rebuild. And new measures have been taken to prevent the same disaster from happening again, namely placing the ant farm high up on a bookshelf. Perhaps this time socialism’s promise of a perfect society will be fulfilled.

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