Experiment Log 261 Ad De

Please record any and all anomalous items received from SCP-261, along with amount of money entered and item description, using the format below. Mundane items will be made available for personal consumption after scanning and clearance by Site Security.

Money entered:

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered:

Item description:

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Oreos - A package of six standard Oreos, in bright blue wrapping, label in Spanish. No unusual taste.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Bag of Jolly Ranchers - Contained both standard flavors of Green Apple and Watermelon, with additional flavors Pomegranate, Loquat, and Blackberry. Current Jolly Ranchers are not known to contain these flavors. Edible.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Spice Bomb" - Small gumball, red and orange banded in color, with packaging in Japanese. Tasted like jalapeño-flavored gum. Extremely spicy. Testing was halted temporarily in order to allow Dr. ██████ to vomit and consume antacids.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Mountain Dew: Hot Pink - Clear plastic bottle, label in English. Carbonated liquid within a brilliant pink color, and proved to be potable, tasting very sweet and tart. Mild sugar high ensued. Flavor identified to be a mix of pomegranate and sour apple.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: <Unknown> - Small plastic box containing apparatus similar to heroin kit with small vial of clear liquid, label in unknown language. Found alternative researcher to use it. After injection, subject reported the strong taste of mint, and they smelled constantly of peppermint for the next several hours, apparently coming from sweat and body oils. Subject reported nausea after the first hour or so of this, due to the constant smell and taste.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: <Unknown> - USB-capable device similar to a flash drive, packaging marked only with a bar code. When plugged into a computer, the computer ran at twice normal speed and refused to react to mouse or keyboard movement, and appeared to be running several instances of the program Minesweeper at once. Object kept for potential testing with mechanical SCPs.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: <Unknown> - Milk chocolate replica of human male sexual organ, approximately six and a half inches from base to head, in foil wrapping with unknown language resembling Korean on label. Hollow, filled with liquid white chocolate. Reported to be delicious but a little too sweet.

Notes - More than half of the male staff avoided contact with the thing like it was made out of explosives. It is funny that the majority of staff here would prefer to have a picnic with SCP-682 over touching a fucking penis-shaped candy.

Money entered: 167 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Doritos- A bag of Doritos chips, nacho cheese flavor.

Money entered: 200 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Hershey's with nuts- A regular-sized bar of Hershey's chocolate with nuts. However, the nuts match with no known species.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Green Apple Frosting- A container of green frosting, with a green apple flavor. Currently not produced by any company.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Lay's Blooming Onion: All-dressed- An onion of average size and color. Cutting into shows that it is made of many layers, each a different color and tasting of a different flavor of chips, including some flavors not produced by Frito-Lay.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Unknown- A clear plastic package filled with water, with tiny Manta Ray-like creatures swimming in it. Attached to it was a blue tablet in a plastic wrapper. When the top was opened and the tablet was added, the water instantly froze with a loud pop. After the ice block was pulled out of the package, the ice turned to vapor and left behind the creatures, frozen solid. Each was described as having a slightly different flavor.

Money entered: 700 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Naked Fruit Drink (Berry Flavored) - No unusual properties detected. Packaging in English.

Money entered: 700 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Edible Chess Set - Small edible chess set made from hard candy. Candy similar in taste and texture to Pez; packaging in French.

Money entered: 700 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Human Breast Milk (Chocolate Flavored) - Very sweet. Dr. ██████ reported a sensation of nostalgia. Nothing unusual about the quality of the milk beyond its packaging. Small label in Japanese.

"I think the boob-shaped container was a nice touch." - Dr. ██████

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Build-Your-Own Candybots - A small bag containing various mixed parts that could be assembled in different ways to create tiny, candy robots. Once completed, candy robots began to move on their own for approximately two minutes, walking about aimlessly and bumping into things. Very sweet. Packaging in unknown language.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: SCP-417 Fruit - Room was evacuated briefly before the item (in airtight packaging) was sent to be incinerated. Packaging in unknown language.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Suppository - Item was not used. Tests run later revealed mint flavoring and a high nutritional value. Packaging in unknown language resembling Greek, complete with diagram of how to use.

Money entered: 700 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Bacon Shirt - A simple T-shirt, dark red in color, in plastic packaging, unknown language. A test revealed the shirt to be edible, wearable, and with a taste similar to bacon. No side effects from wearing the shirt, beyond a vague smell of bacon.

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Advertising Bottle - A tall bottle of an unknown alloy, with a twist-off top, and filled with a liquid resembling Pepsi Blue. The sides of the bottle lit up and revealed animated advertisements featuring an attractive woman while being drank. Object powered down once liquid was fully drained. Advertisements and packaging in unknown language resembling archaic Japanese.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Reverse-Temperature Creampuff - A packaged creampuff that grew warmer when exposed to cold, and cooler when exposed to heat. Placing it in the microwave caused frost to form, and putting it in the freezer resulted in it being burning hot. Tasted decent, if a touch stale.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Thiotimoline cookies - Three chocolate-chip cookies in plastic wrapping. Taste was experienced at least three seconds before the cookies made any contact with the mouth. Packaging in Bambara.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Hardtack — A piece of hardtack. Packaging in what was later determined to be heavily Hellenized French written in Greek characters. Item was difficult to consume and tasted meaty. Translation revealed the flavor to be turtle soup.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Energy gas — A soap bubble stabilized inside a transparent plastic can. Packaging in English. Instruction are to "pierce a hole and inhale the contained gas." Applying a finger to the bubble will indeed pierce a hole. Inhaling the (lavender-scented) gas caused the bubble to shrink until it vanished completely and gave an energized and empowered feeling to the subject. Subject complained for several hours of an irritated and itchy nasal cavity.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Hazelnut Glosette — A package of approximately 12 small hazelnuts covered in chocolate. Packaging in German. DNA matched that of Iranian Corylus avellana strains. The Hershey Company does not manufacture this product.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Caramelized tarantula spider — A hairy spider 13 inches in legspan covered in hard caramel. Item was not consumed. Identified as an unrecorded Phoneutria member. Test showed highly toxic venom was still present in the glands. Packaging in an unknown language.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Sculptural candy — A tube containing a bright orange PlayDoh-like paste, strongly smelling of citrus. Was malleable; gradually hardened into an exceedingly tough material. Hardening caused subject's fingers to become trapped. Packaging in unidentified language written in Cyrillic.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Dr. Pepper's Amusing Straw! — A straw, which, when looked from on end, contained what appears to be sugar-sweetened Dr. Pepper. Straw contained much more liquid than physically possible (approximately the volume of a normal Dr. Pepper bottle). Packaging in Japanese.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Geology Aero — An Aero bar twice as thick as the regular, formed of four layers in four different flavors and colors of chocolate: dark, orange, mint and white. The Nestlé company does not manufacture this product. Packaging in German.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Terri's [sic] Chocolate Pumpkin — A pumpkin-shaped piece of chocolate easily broken into 11 quarter-shaped pieces. Tasted vaguely of pumpkin and cough syrup. The Kraft Food Company does not make this product. Packaging in American English.

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Fruits of the Loom — A package of three pieces of edible underwear in bright colors. Items confiscated. Current whereabouts unknown.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Sound Bites — Small cookies shaped like onomatopoeia words. When broken or chewed, the items produced the sound corresponding to their text.

Money entered: 10,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Item is a small loaf of round bread in the shape of a pinwheel with six points. Colorful wrapper bears logo for "Heaven's Shining Auspicious Bakery," with the tag-line, "Made by angels for angels" (sic). Upon consuming the item, subject immediately fell into a comatose state, during which he appeared to be in a constant ecstatic state similar to an orgasm. Subject recovered after fifty minutes, although he remained delirious for over two more hours, babbling about "gates of pure palladium, polished by the multitudinous hosts of the shattered princess".

Money entered: 1 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A single kernel of popped kettle corn.

Money entered: 10 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Five pieces of the traditional Indonesian snack "klepon". Item was placed on top of a banana leaf holder and wrapped in plastic with no labels or expiration dates.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A can labelled 'Ponari Sweat' in blue and white. Some text in Indonesian on the side, claiming that this beverage could 'cure any kind of disease', 'Made in Jombang', 'straight from Ponari's magic stone' and other promotional statements. Can given to a D-class with prostate cancer for testing. After emptying the can, the D-class was thoroughly examined. Results show that the prostate cancer had disappeared.

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A small orange box with a radioactive sign on the side, and a small red button on top. Item moved to a heavy-duty blast chamber and analyzed extensively. Thorough examination revealed it to not emit any more radiation than standard background levels. The decision was made to test the object, with all observers other than the subject observing via closed-circuit camera. When subject pressed the button, a bright flash was recorded, and then a small orange mushroom cloud. Subject was unharmed; after the experiment, anyone entering the blast chamber immediately sensed a tangy, heavily orange flavor. Subject had to wash continuously for five hours to rid his body of the scent.

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A styrofoam bowl with a paper lid, labelled "Instant Morioka-Style Reimen: just add hot water." Instructions, written in Japanese, indicate to add hot water and let stand for three minutes, then stir well. Contents of bowl appear to be instant noodles as well as several small capsules of unknown make and a dusting of white sugar-like crystals. Upon adding hot water, item grew warm for approximately three minutes, then immediately chilled to approximately 5°C. Upon peeling back the cover, noodles were found to be cooked and floating in a cold beef broth. Capsules were missing, and replaced with a slice of fresh watermelon, six slices thinly sliced roast beef, six pieces of kkakdugi (ponytail radish kimchi), and half a hard-boiled egg. Contents were edible. Advertisements on packaging encouraged users to "try our other flavors," including "traditional Korean" and "kimchi mixed."

Money entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Unknown - A sealed paper sleeve of indeterminate chemical makeup and unknown language. Stylized image of what appears to be a 6-legged blue tortoise. Packaging opened to reveal a single large piece of dark dried meat. Taste noted as sweet and spicy, with an unusual texture. Approximately 6 hours after consumption, subject reported itching in internal organs and heavy flatulence. Isolated to quarantine where what appeared to be a violent allergic reaction caused the prolapse of two-thirds of his digestive tract from either end of his body. Subject died after 5 hours.

Money entered: 750 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Aluminum bottle with screw-top, colorful graphic on the sides indicating flying insects contained within. Testing moved to isolation chamber. Subject opened bottle and was swarmed by highly aggressive insects colored in Red, Blue, Green, and Purple. Subject consumed a number of the insects attempting to sting him on his arms and torso. Flavors primarily sour and bitter fruits of uncertain identity. Described as "Similar to PEZ, but not as sweet."

Insects died approximately 9 minutes later and were collected. Agreement in flavor noted throughout all test participants willing to consume insects. Initial subject indicates lesions covering exposed skin, oozing brightly colored fluid with similar flavor. No further side-effects noted. Lesions appeared to heal normally.

Money entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Steel canister with pressure gauge on top, release valve. Label shows brightly colored trisymmetrical lifeforms inhaling psychedelically-patterned fumes. Subject unscrews release valve, noting strong smell of bitter almonds before asphyxiating. Contents revealed to be pressurized hydrogen cyanide gas. Testing halted.

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Rat on a stick. — A fried rat skewered on a thin wooden spike. Southern fried.

Money entered: 250 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Applexsplosion. — Object originally appeared to be a normal bag of apples, though in various colors not found in nature, such as purple, orange, and white. However, any physical trauma towards an apple results in it violently exploding and completely saturating the surrounding area in a thick edible paste. Paste differed in taste depending on the color of the apple, though all were strictly fruit flavors.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Candy Bullets! — A CZ-75-B 9mm pistol in a partially transparent package. Package was stylised with several graphics depicting smiling persons being shot, labelled in English in stereotypical "New Yorker" slang. The rounds in the magazine were found to be made of a substance similar to rock candy, though completely functional as normal ammunition. Item was fired at the research subject's foot. Besides the pain and trauma normally included in bullet wounds, subject also noted a heavy taste and scent of peppermint, which persisted for several hours. The munition dissolved in the subject's bloodstream, negating the need to remove it surgically. The pistol itself was found to also be completely edible, though much too difficult to chew. Tasted of tutti-frutti.

Money entered: 400 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Dimensional Donuts — A brightly colored box of donuts, labeling in Spanish. Donuts possess a small interdimensional anomaly, located in the hole of the donut which is destroyed once the ring of the donut is broken. When held sideways, small objects fall out of the hole, the object varying depending on person, donut, and time of day. Items noted include small candies, slices of fruit, jigsaw pieces, various forms of ammunition, blood, gasoline, various insects of unknown species, and human fingers.

Following test logs from March 9, 2009 were impromptu testing on an unpowered SCP-261 prompted by power loss in the wing that the SCP-261 is kept in during lunchtime. Results are listed as usual.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Blastola Cola. Blue and orange can, with advertisement on the side for "CAPTAIN COMIC XII PRE-RELEASE GIVEAWAY!" No such game is known to exist. Soda tasted of cola sweetened with cane sugar. After drinking, subject was seen to belch a puff of what has been described as "cold fire". Subject was uninjured. A workplace safety poster that was struck with the cloud was briefly covered in a thin layer of frost.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Pile O' Slugs. A produce box, typical of the sort used to pack strawberries, full of live garden slugs. Label on the lid was hand-written in English. While not consumed, later testing revealed that the slugs contained large amounts of vitamin C, E, and most of the B complex (except riboflavin). Also contained large amounts of arsenic.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Unknown name. Aluminum box containing brick of gelatinous green material. When opened, material began to scream. Item was not consumed. When tested later the material had shriveled into a tiny green flake suspended in water, and was capable of emitting a 10 dB whispering noise. All attempts to identify nature of material failed; flake reportedly curled in on itself and dissolved shortly after testing began.

Money entered: 200 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Bright yellow, elongated package made of cellophane, resembling a banana peel. Language of label is identified as a combination of Welsh and Spanish, and when translated reads as, "Banana Easier to Open! Making Your Banana Opening Easy!" Package contained a bright yellow food item resembling an unpeeled banana except in color. Chemical testing found higher amounts of fructose and other processed sweeteners, along with small amounts of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Upon removal of [DATA EXPUNGED] from the object, a Class-D Personnel sampled the object and noted that it was very sweet.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Fried fish patty with mustard filling, similar to a Hot Pocket in packaging and preparation. Package bore the likeness of Muppet character "the Swedish Chef", and with the exception of the instructions and nutritional information (in English) the remainder of the packaging is in unintelligible faux-Swedish with an abundance of umlauts and accent marks. Item was extremely salty.

At this point in the experiment, Dr. ███████ unplugged SCP-261 and asked for the change to be noted.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: "Most Horrendously Painful Hangover Ever Candy Shots". Japanese packaging bearing the logo of the band Offspring and tiny, super-deformed likenesses of the band smashing a generic salaryman's head with jackhammers. Candy appeared to be gummi shot glasses full of various solid color gummi. Taste varied from candy to candy, but was generally "extremely sweet". Candy was examined and shown to have no alcoholic content, despite slight flavor that insinuated otherwise. Ingredient list on back listed only "HATRED AND VITRIOL" in English; no other ingredients listed anywhere on package in any language, although note on the underside of the package states that the candy may aggravate dairy allergies.

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Small cylinder covered in crosshatching lines of varying configuration; appears to be a form of writing. Bright purple and green wrapping bears drawing of a vaguely humanoid yellow figure with what appears to be two mouths. Removing cap produced a sudden gush of gray-violet foam; subject dropped the tube and ran to the chemical wash, stating that it was burning his hands. The foam was found to be acidic, and contain significant amounts of capsaicin. The latter was more responsible for the burning sensation than the former. When analyzed, the foam was shown to contain massive amounts of riboflavin and vitamin B6, as well as trace amounts of methylarsenic compounds; unfortunately, the sample was lost when the foam dissolved after several hours.

Money entered: 200 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Small, airtight blue plastic bag, very cold to the touch and labelled in an unknown language. Contents appeared to be several small, shriveled gray spheres half a centimeter in diameter, apparently freeze-dried. When heated in water they expanded to two centimeters in diameter. Spheres appeared to be eyeballs of an unknown animal, deep blue throughout with hourglass-shaped pupils and thick purple vessels. The outside was slick and tasteless; when bitten. a large amount of thick purple jelly tasting of watered-down grape juice burst out. The jelly causes extremely vivid hallucinations several minutes after being consumed.

Money entered: 50 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Small cardboard can of “Eetmees”, with the rest of the packaging labelled in French describing the foodstuff as “Irresistibly Good!” and “Undeniably Tasty!”. Can contained five small, three-legged crab-like creatures with tiny claws and large, dewy eyes. When released, they leaped up and down ecstatically, clicking their claws and repeatedly screaming “eat me!” in shrill, high-pitched voices. When subject delayed and then refused to eat them, the “Eetmees” attempted to force their way into the subject’s mouth. The creatures made "joyous shrieking" sounds when being chewed, and "whee" sounds when being swallowed.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: "FOOD". 18-oz steel can with a pull-tab. Label was all white with the word "FOOD" written in large, black letters. No other information (nutrition, ingredients, weight, etc.) is listed. When opened, can was found to contain a thick, gray, odorless paste. Subjects described the paste as "devoid of any taste", and left subjects appearing emotionless and slow-witted. Chemical analysis has found the paste to be low in fat and LDL cholesterol, as well as containing all necessary vitamins and minerals, including several as-of-yet unidentified chemicals.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: "DRINK". 12-oz aluminum drink can. Label is similar to the "FOOD" can: all white with nothing but the word "DRINK" in black letters. Liquid inside was colorless, odorless, and has a viscosity lower than water. Subjects who ingested "DRINK" became more open to suggestion, with subservience increasing as a direct function of the amount of "DRINK" consumed. Research into the long-term effects of the "DRINK" is being investigated.

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: BEEF! Aluminum can, similar to a soup can. In formatting, package appeared similar to a normal can, but all text was the word "BEEF!”. Can contained pinkish meat, which was revealed to be uncooked beef. No abnormalities detected.

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: “Mint Fish”: Plain paper envelope, dual packaging in Russian and Navajo. Package contained unidentifiable light green powder. When added to cold water, powder immediately formed into the shape of a small goldfish, same color as the powder. This wriggled in the water and proved difficult to catch, similar to a living fish. The creature stopped moving only when removed from the water and terminated by a guard. Described as difficult to chew and ultimately unpleasant.

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: “TASTE ME”: A transparent plastic box containing a single slice of white cake. No ingredients or information other then the title were listed. Item was tasted by a class-D personnel, who, after consuming the product, immediately went into convulsions, and shortly thereafter collapsed and died. Autopsy showed that the subject had become seven inches taller and grown in mass by 13.6%, and that death and seizures were due to expansion of the brain. Analysis of the cake showed large amounts of human growth hormone as well as several unidentified chemicals.

Name: Doctor King

Money entered: 1 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Single seed. Tests revealed it as apple.

Money entered: 2 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Two seeds, also apple.

Money entered: 3 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Three seeds. Apple again.

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One thousand apple seeds. Similar tests were undertaken for the remainder of the day, resulting in apple seeds every time. Several complaints were issued against Doctor King, complaining that he had "broken" this SCP. The machine was left alone for the night and approached again in the morning by another researcher.

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Ladypax". Several small snack cakes wrapped in brown paper, labelled in slightly out-of-date Japanese with an unusual amount of English loanwords. Cake was chocolate with somewhat berry-flavored filling. Consumption by female subject resulted in immediate commencing of that subject's menstruation, despite the fact that it was not due for another week.

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Prangles". Item resembles in almost every way a standard tube of Pringles, Sour Cream and Onion flavour. The only difference in appearance is that the mascot on the box has red skin and takes on a vaguely demonic look. Item was given to a Class D subject. Once the lid of the Prangles is unsealed, or "popped", the subject was literally unable to prevent herself from eating the chips continuously. Moreover, the tube appears to be bottomless in nature, as the subject has been eating for several days at time of writing and shows no sign of slowing down. No difference between the chips and normal Pringles was found. This is the second subject to be tested; the first one continued eating even after termination, and the tube had to be forcibly removed from her grasp.

Name: Doctor King

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Three hundred apple seeds. The same product results whenever Doctor King, or an individual who has been asked to do the test for Doctor King, activates the machine. Is it as yet unclear why this might be, or whether it may be evidence of sentience on the part of the machine.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: X-treme Chips - Yellow bag with no labeling or nutrition facts save for a gigantic red "X" on the front. Opened cautiously to find nothing more than standard potato chips. Fed chips to D-Class 24045-06, whose voice immediately grew deeper and requested this agent join him in extreme sport activities such as surfboarding, mountain climbing, and bungee jumping. Request was denied.

Money entered: 50 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Maxwell House Artificial Coffee Drink - 355 ml navy blue can with the Maxwell House Logo prominently displayed on upper half. Lower half shows steaming cup of coffee and coffee beans. Ingredients listed as water, artificial flavor, and sucrose. 10 calories. Item was bitter and noted to be inferior to instant coffee. Drink is not produced by Maxwell House after product research.

Money entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A red mushroom with blue spots, resembling no other species of fungus. When fed to D24046-19, he claimed to be "[sic] totally tripping balls", and then instructed researchers to "be quiet, my show is on". For a duration of one hour, he was no longer reactant to any kind of sensory input, alternately laughing and crying without correlation to external stimuli. When subject awoke, he stated that he did not exactly recall what he had seen, but noted that it appeared to be a sitcom.

Money entered: 100,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Item has been detained and is being tested for sentience. Subject detained for seven days for contamination testing. Both tests turn up negative. Subject released from detainment along with [DATA EXPUNGED]. Item described as "light, but with a burst of flavor". Subject expressed desires for more, and depression when request was denied.

Placing more than 5000 yen in the machine requires formal approval for an experiment test.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A lavishly illustrated menu for "Big Bub's House of Subs". Further investigation revealed that the photographs of the various menu items were flavored like the items they represented. Nutrient content was typical for moderate quality restaurant fare. Item was dry, but not filling.

Money entered: 250 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A blue and yellow 500 ml metal can with a screw-on cap, labeled "Dr. Belcher's Magical Flashing Bug Juice". Can contains a carbonated fluorescent green liquid which emits occasional flashes of bright indigo light. Testing reveals no radioactivity or electromagnetic emissions outside the indigo band. No nutrition information printed on the can. Tastes strongly of tangelos. Heavy diuretic effect that lasted several days.

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Agent Orange Sherbet: a small, single serving ice cream container, printed in obscure working-class French, with a cartoon secret agent on it, complete with a trench coat, fedora, and black sunglasses, giving a thumbs up, and saying "Good enough to die twice for!". Given to D-2348 for testing. Subject took a bite and claimed "tastes like really rich orange sorbet with a vanilla cream hint to it, like eating a creamsicle". Subject later complained of minor back pain, but reported that he was fine the next day.

Money entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Mr Q's Cumbersome Soda Bottle: a small, plastic bottle, clear with a minty greenish tint, with an odd stopper in the neck of the bottle. When tilted normally to drink, the cola hits the stopper and won't flow. Through an hour of testing, the stopper is discovered to only to work when the bottle is tilted at a right angle while being rotated from the bottom of the bottle and shaken slightly. Soda was described as refreshing and abnormally tasty.

Money entered: 10 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A 12 oz beverage can of "American Air." Emblazoned with an American flag that circles the can, notably displaying 48 stars instead of 50. A small caption on the back of the can reads as follows: "A real patriot knows not to breathe the same air as communists. A real patriot remembers. Let your love of freedom breathe freely, with American Air™." The can contains somewhat stale but otherwise normal air.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A size 64 trilby-style fedora composed of beef jerky. The object was flattened inside small cardboard box, with nutrition facts and a label reading "Meathat: Teriyaki Fedora," and the catchphrase "You can have your hat, and eat it too!" Consumed without incident, taste described as tough, but enjoyable.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: An LP music album composed entirely of hard green sugar, in an airtight green plastic wrap. Packaging in Albanian, with a picture of a cellist and a pianist playing a duet. Playing the album resulted in an unrecognized piano/strings movement, with the LP uncoiling itself as the needle passed. Surprisingly, this did not seem to interfere with the balance of the LP or the phonograph machine in any way. A recording of the music is available on request. The LP was consumed by those attending the presentation, reportedly tasting like lime-flavored hard candy.

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: An olive green plastic bag of dried bay leaves. Packaging in ancient Greek, Delphic dialect, with the phrase "Pythia's Choice™ brand Bay Leaves." Three leaves were fed to subject D-3968. Subject reported loss of feeling in his limbs, displayed unusual vocal patterns, and seemed to be entering a trancelike state. Upon consuming two more leaves, the subject collapsed and went into convulsions, screaming apparent gibberish interspersed with ancient Greek of the same dialect displayed on the package. Subject continued to convulse for three minutes and twenty-four seconds, then became limp and unresponsive. Subject died two days afterward, with no signs of recovery. Analysis of leaves has shown an extremely high concentration of ethylene, a chemical compound known to cause the observed effects. How the subject spoke Delphic Greek is as yet unknown. The translation of the subject's outburst is largely nonsensical, and is available on file by request.

Money entered: 4 mon (coin circa mid-15th century Japan)

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Small red velvet pouch with intricate golden embroidery depicting various hiōgi fans. Bound with golden string. Opening the pouch revealed the contents to be little more than dust. Analysis of dust reveals it to consist of desiccated rice, red beans, shrimp and soybeans, originating from approximately the same era as the currency used.

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Cylinder labeled "Aunt Annie's Fruity Fibers: Blue Raspberry Beret," packaging text written in English, French, and Hawaiian. Packaging encourages customers to try other available flavors, including "Grape Gloves," "Mint Mittens," and "Cherry Cowl." Contents were one skein of sweet-smelling blue yarn, a pair of knitting needles, and a sheet of paper containing instructions for knitting a simple hat. Sampling the end of the "yarn" proved it to be edible, though described as "chewy and a little dry," with a raspberry flavor. The presiding researcher was able to knit the hat described in the pattern, and reported that the "yarn" behaved similarly to a wool blend.

Money entered: 1 counterfeit 500 yen coin (minted on site, otherwise identical to authentic article), accepted by SCP-261

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: After a delay of approximately 3 seconds, an unmarked, opaque white cellophane package was dispensed. Package contained candies similar to "Gummi Bears," but shaped like human hands with extended middle fingers. Item was interpreted as a threat and not consumed. Testing revealed candy contained lethal amounts of potassium cyanide.

On 10/09/2009, a sequential experiment with an unpowered SCP-261 was run, attempting to discern just how quickly the machine would start to dispense "bizarre" objects. All vended items were tested via D-class personnel for safety reasons.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: A soft drink can labeled "Cokepsi Zero" with a color scheme that appears to be a combination of the Coke and Pepsi zero-calorie product labels. D-class personnel reported it to taste like a mix of Coke and Pepsi, and a definite taste of aspartame. Ingredients list on can appear to be a mix of Coke and Pepsi ingredients. No particular effects noted.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: A larger than normal can, the label declaring it to be a normal variety of canned corn that can be found in grocery stores. Upon opening, can was revealed to contain hot, melted butter and two stunted corncobs. The can showed no signs of being warm to the touch from the outside. Item was consumed without incident. Butter cooled off normally. Later reports of stomach and bowel pain from D-class personnel prompted termination and autopsy, revealing the presence of popped corn kernels within his gastrointestinal tract.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: An unlabeled object that resembles a mark 2 "pineapple" fragmentation hand grenade. Testing area evacuated as a precaution. D-class personnel sent in to retrieve item under surveillance, expressing concern. Object appeared to be safe. Object was moved to a blast chamber. D-class personnel ordered to remove pin, throw and evacuate, and complies reluctantly. Object explodes in the corner of the blast chamber in a "puff of sugar" and several high velocity fragments. Blast chamber coated in varying amounts of granulated sugar. Metal fragments observed in walls. Personnel who subsequently entered blast chamber noted perceiving a taste of sugar. No harmful effects noted.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: A 6-inch-long figurine of SCP-682, which upon being removed from the vending machine became animate, and sang barbershop music, dancing with a cane and boater hat (source of cane and hat remains unidentified). Backup singers were heard from an unidentified source. Nearby security personnel opened fire upon the figurine. Bullets did not harm the object and were absorbed into it. After approximately two minutes, figurine concluded performance, bowed, and became inanimate, with cane and hat demanifesting. Item not consumed, but tests revealed it to be made of caramel. Further chemical analysis revealed that the caramel was contaminated with large amounts of arsenic and ricin poison. Item also contained intact, expended 9mm JHP rounds, having apparently "healed" the wounds but not removed the bullets. Item disposed of.

Money entered: 10-yen note (minted circa 1943)

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Chocolate 5 1/4" Floppy disk, later inspection reveals it to be formatted for the Japanese MSX Computer. Performing a read/write test with aforementioned computers did not melt or affect the disk in any way, despite the fact that the internal temperature of the computer would have been enough to melt chocolate. Item tasted of unremarkable milk chocolate.

Money entered: 450 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Malinalxochitl's Xocolatl." A small aluminum can, with a label in what appears to be the Aztec language, illustrated with a stylized female mascot clad in traditional Meso-American dress smiling and holding up a cup emitting steam. Bottom of can has self-heating filament; activating it heats the liquid. Tastes faintly of chocolate, but is bitter and slightly spicy.

Money entered: 300 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Philosopher's Figs 'n Honey." A small lidded ceramic box similar in style to ancient Greek pottery. The Greek label indicated there was a "special Philosopher prize" inside. Box was separated by a ceramic divide down the center. One half contained honey, and the other half contained several fresh figs. Honey described as "clovery". The prize inside was a miniature marble bust of Plato.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "FairyFairy [sic] Alchemy Coins." A white package of cracker-like medallions, quarter-sized, with alchemical symbols inscribed on their surfaces. Label, which is in Middle English, has a few cartoon fairies waving magic wands over the crackers. Crackers containing gold and silver had their innards extracted. D-class ate the cracker shells of both and noted that they were similar in taste and texture to saltines. Other crackers contained vitriol, hydrochloric acid, antimony, mercury, and lead.

Money entered: 535 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Mandel-Brötchen". While the name would suggest bread, the actual product inside is a set of four dry chocolate cookies in fractal shapes. This fractal pattern is repeated down to the atomic structure of the cookies' surface. A warning on the package states that the cookies must be dipped in water or milk prior to eating to avoid damage to the mouth and throat.

Money entered: 400 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Turduchocken". Balls of fried turkey, each containing a smaller ball of fried duck containing a chocolate candy with a fried chicken center. Labeling describes the product as containing 450% the amount of saturated fat required by an adult human daily.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Piscina." A soda can whose label indicates it was packaged by the Coca-Cola Company. English labelling and logo. Nutrition facts note high in Omega-3 fatty acids. Ingredients list fish oils prominently. D-class opened, consumed. Texture of chicken soup, tastes like fresh salmon; verified by researcher. Taste was unusual but enjoyable.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A cardboard box, 9cm x 9cm x 6cm, with a picture of a human molar tooth on blue background on the front. Unknown pictographic script similar to Aztec. Opening the box revealed a tooth, full scale, approximately 5 centimeters long. Essentially a jawbreaker; chemical analysis confirms. The 'pulp' of the tooth is a sweet fruit syrup. Aside from shape, not chemically unusual.

Money entered: 5,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A glass perfume vial filled with artificially flavored human sweat. Chemical analysis revealed high levels of human pheromones and nutmeg flavoring. Essentially a mild aphrodisiac. No labeling.

Money entered: 10,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Drinky Bird." A tin can with no pop-top, with a paper label of an ortolan drinking from a liquor bottle. Contained a fattened ortolan drowned in brandy. Chemical analysis revealed no abnormalities.

Money entered: 800 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A beeswax hexagonal prism - like a 'cell' in a honeycomb - about 6 cm deep with edges about 3 cm - about the size of a single-serving yogurt cup. The hexagonal surface was stamped with a bas-relief of a cartoon bee with Russian text translated to 'Springtime Syrup'. Nutrition facts were on the side. Contained puffed oats, each of which contained a small amount of fresh honey. Eaten by the researcher, with a sample saved for later analysis.

Money entered: 200 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A live, hairless, boneless guinea pig with nutrition facts tattooed along the right side in English. Contains unusually high levels of vitamins and minerals. Contains unknown nutritional supplement 'Heliate' with no RDA. After killing the guinea pig, the researcher attempted to remove a limb for consumption, but accidentally breached the abdominal cavity, revealing that it contained a green savory custard where its organs would be expected.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Stan-Fizz." Standard-shaped soda can. English text, Coca-Cola bottling company. Green and purple color scheme on the logo, unknown substance 'standis' listed in the ingredients list, in the form of 'Artificial flavor of standis'. Presumably no actual standis in the beverage. Taste reminiscent of grape soda and champagne.

Money entered: 490 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Red plastic container labeled HONOR DUEL. Package contained what appeared to be a pair of action figures resembling samurai, one black in coloration, the other red. Upon opening of the package, the "samurai" stood and attacked each other. After a short battle, the black samurai decapitated the red one, gave a cry of victory, and vanished. Subsequent analysis of the red samurai revealed it to be made of rock candy, with a raspberry flavor.

Money Entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Two (2) Standard Triple-A Batteries, emblazoned with eye-catching, untranslatable symbols. Otherwise completely normal.

Repeated test of ten trials, with interval of 1 minute between attempts. Coins used were retrieved from a Coca-Cola brand vending machine outside the [DATA EXPUNGED].

Money Entered For Each Vend: 65 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Items vended:

Tests 1-3: Cans of Coca-Cola, with varying Japanese labeling schemes. Contents are chemically identical to current Coke formula.

Test 4: Diet "Koke". The other text on the can is written in a pidgin language apparently derived from Chinese and Japanese.

Test 5: A can of "Coca-Cola Clear". Label glows in the dark, and top of can has a holo-foil advertisement for an unknown animated film.

Test 6: Caramelized coca leaves. Very strong aroma of mint. Class D who ingested it showed symptoms of a mild coca overdose, but no other response.

Test 7: Container shattered upon vending. Appears to have been a glass container filled with a brownish gas. Bottle was fully sealed, lacking lid or cap.

Test 8: "Lemony and buttErific Dragon Delite!". An uncooked ear of yellow corn molded into the shape of a Chinese dragon. Microwaving resulted in it "breathing" a stream of molten butter into the internals of the microwave, causing a fire.

Test 9: "Bottled lightning". An apparently-empty glass bottle that serves as a powerful Leyden jar. The class D who opened it experienced a near-fatal electric shock upon opening. Subject reported "tasting" temperatures for an hour thereafter.

Test 10: A can of "Coa-Cola". The class D used to perform the analysis expired shortly after opening the can. Analysis indicates that the beverage contained carbon monoxide, rather than carbon dioxide.

Money entered: 1500 yen

Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: "Snapple" - A seemingly normal Granny Smith, with a small, hand-written tag attached to the stem. Further examination revealed the center to be composed of solid tin.

Money entered: 430 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Chūseishi Bēkon", in a plastic bag. Artwork on the front depicts an anthropomorphic piece of bacon being crushed between two heavy rocks. Bag contains approximately 50 bite-size objects which appear and smell vaguely bacon-like.

Upon one piece being fed to a D-Class, the subject immediately clutched his stomach and collapsed onto the floor. Examination of the D-Class's stomach contents revealed that his stomach had become extremely distended and full (approximately 3.9 liters by volume) with cooked bacon.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Apparently a standard Hershey's brand chocolate bar, with the packaging text written backwards, as if reflected in a mirror. The chirality of all amino acids and sugars in the chocolate bar is the opposite of that of Earth-life organic compounds.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Dante's". 750g package of biscuits with nine distinct circular, concentric layers. Packaging claims that contents "Taste like Hell!"

Money entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Small, empty plastic blue package with a stylized drop of water. On the back were instructions written in German and Dutch. The directions instructed the user to empty the package above a large bucket containing one liter of water and stir. When the instructions were followed, an additional 0.5 liters of water appeared in the bucket. Somewhat bitter.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A medium-sized bag of pretzel bits shaped like gears, springs, rods, and other clockwork components. The package depicts a smiling, winking figure seemingly made out of clockwork giving a "Thumbs up" sign. The food itself was salty and difficult to chew.

Money entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Small pill bottle with writing on it in an unknown language. Package depicts a cartoon image of a young boy biting into a squirming candy rat. Bottle contained ten (10) large pellets. One (1) pellet was given to a lab rat and subsequently eaten. The lab rat then fell asleep, after which all of the rat's tissues rapidly began transformation into various candy substances. Roughly ten minutes later, the rat awoke and seemed to be able to function normally despite all of its tissues being transformed into non-functional candy tissues. D-class instructed to eat the rat. Reported that the organs were replaced by a jelly candy substance, the blood seemed to be syrup, and bones were made of crystallized sugar. The taste of the candy was normal and as expected, and no adverse effects were reported. Remaining pellets placed in storage for later testing.

Money entered: 555 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Saint Patrick Snakeskin Pie." Product name is in English, the labels are in Irish Gaelic. Shrink-wrapped product resembles a small mince pie. Dissection of product showed that the center of the pie was filled with dried and salted snake meat of an unknown species. D-Class consumed product and reported a taste similar to very tough chicken.

Money entered: 555 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: A tall pink soda can without a label. Opening the can produced a sound similar to a grenade exploding, and inside was a fizzy transparent liquid. D-Class declined to drink the liquid after an amount was accidentally spilled on a table and small round objects grew from the plastic. Analysis indicated the objects were eggs containing fetal creatures resembling amphibians.

Money entered: 1025 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Machine dispensed a cheap-looking flashlight and six colored lenses, each a different color of the rainbow. After an hour, during which a small group had gathered in an attempt to discover its purpose, Dr. █████ accidentally shone the flashlight on a nearby D-Class' face while the red lens was attached. Subject reported a vague taste of cherry. The other lenses were shown to cause tastes of orange, banana, lime, blueberry, and grape. Testing revealed the flashlight and lenses to be ordinary plastic.

Money Entered: 600 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Glass bottle with cork stopper and paper label. Text on label consists mostly of characters in the Armenian alphabet but does not correspond to any identifiable words. Bottle contains a mixture of 30% ethyl alcohol, 45% eel blood (species unidentified), 25% water, with trace amounts of cedarwood resin and lead.

Money Entered: 600 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: White cellophane envelope. Lettering on envelope reads "Aged meat product" in Gujarat language, phonetically transcribed into Hebrew alphabet. Envelope contains rotten, maggot-infested meat (probably avian in origin).

Money Entered: 600 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Pull-tab aluminium can labeled "BILLY BEER" and packaged in the same manner as novelty beer product produced by Falls City Brewing Company in the United States in the late 1970s. Can labeling includes the endorsement: "I had this beer brewed just for me. I think it's the best I've ever tasted. And I've tasted a lot. I think you'll like it too. Billy Carter." Can contains a liquid that appears to be beer. Subject consumed some and reported symptoms of mild intoxication for the following 72 hours.

Money entered: 150 "B yen", the military currency used in US-occupied Okinawa from 1948-1958

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A cheeseburger with pickles and lettuce, identical to the same available from the ████████ restaurant chain.

Money entered: 150 B yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A box 7cm on a side that, when opened, played a badly-recorded song while a ballerina statue spun around on a stand within the box. Both the ballerina and the box were made of what was proven to be a liquefied and reconstituted two-patty cheeseburger.

Money entered: 150 B yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A Caesar salad, no lettuce, on an edible soy-based plate.

Money entered: 5 Wadōkaichin (Japanese currency dated to the 8th Century CE)

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One bowl of rice, cooked, no utensil.

Note: Contemporary to the time; the bowl was dated to the late first millennium, and chopsticks were not yet commonly used among the poorer classes. SCP-261 appears to be treating the coins at their original value.

Money entered: 45 Wadōkaichin

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A plate of higher quality than the previous bowl, containing what was confirmed to be sliced monkey on a bed of rice.

Money entered: Check (written in kana) for 1,000 yen, of same dimensions as currency

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A 3 cm by 5 cm slip of cardboard. Any human carrying the slip will taste milk chocolate.

Money entered: A note, in English, reading "I.O.U. 500 ¥"

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: An opened container of "Smartfood" brand white cheddar-flavored popcorn, manufactured by Frito-Lay. Contains remnants of popcorn kernels and powdered cheddar cheese-flavored substance, and a note, reading "I.O.U. 41 popcorn kernels".

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: 41 cheese-flavored popcorn kernels, uncontained. Identical to those produced by "Smartfood" brand.

Money entered: 0 yen (pushed "coin return" button)

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A single "zero yen" coin deposited into change return slot. Coin is pressed out of pot metal, reverse face depicts a smiling Ronald McDonald.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Styrofoam cup labelled "Tastee Bird Spicy Lime Snack!!!" containing 2 oz of unknown powder. Instructions are to "fill to line with hot water, cover and wait 3 minutes". Upon opening, package contained reconstituted, de-calcified parrot skeleton in a tangy broth with celery and cilantro and lime. Described as "zesty, with an odd texture." Nutritional information indicates it contains 300% daily recommended sodium.

Money entered: 0 yen (pushed "coin return" button)

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Red aluminum can labelled simply "Stop That" in block letters; intermittent buzzing heard from within can, as of a large, angry insect. Subject declined to open container.

Money entered: 666 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A plastic box of "Uncle Nick's" brand "Delicious Sunday Profani-snack". Branding prominently featured a winking cartoon devil as well as pentagrams, inverted crosses, and other occult symbols stereotypically associated with satanism. All text other than the brand name and product name printed in vulgar Latin in a slightly irregular typeface suggesting hand-lettering. Back of box prominently featured the slogan "Damnation guaranteed!". Ingredients list included "unholy water" but was otherwise consistent with a meal consisting solely of bread and wine. Box contained thirteen pieces of unleavened bread in the style of communion wafers and a clear plastic sachet of red wine with a drinking nozzle. Subject reported wafers as delicious and surprisingly filling with a taste reminiscent of very rare steak, and wine as excellent but slightly salty. Subject was placed under observation, but no anomalous behaviour has been reported.

Money entered: 0 yen, in the form of a single "zero yen" coin as dispensed by SCP-261 in an earlier test

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Bag containing full meal of burger, fries, onion rings, and large coke similar to that purchased from ████████, but with all nutritional information and ingredients list censored. Bag given to D-class test subject. Subject reports that meal had absolutely no flavour, a uniformly smooth and uninteresting texture, and did not reduce her hunger at all.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered (power cord had been accidentally pulled out of wall while cleaning up after previous experiment)

Item description: One soft drink can, similar in styling to diet cola, printed in a language later determined to be Denzongkha and to read "SCREAMING [untranslatable] - OPEN CAN ENJOY SCREAMING MEAL". Upon opening, can emitted a painful shrieking noise estimated at 125-130dB for approximately fifteen seconds, during which time subject managed to hold onto the can and reported it growing lighter. When the noise ceased, both subjects present noted that they felt oddly sated, and did not need to eat for the rest of the day.

Money entered: 3,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Item dispensed was a small tan box with the text "Tasty Fetus!" in dark green text. On the box below this text is a picture of a smiling light orange colored fetus. There is more dark green text below the picture that reads, “Now With Shorter Gestational Period!” The back of the box features a three panel comic with three human characters (two females and one male) in a domestic living room setting. In the first panel the female character on the right end of the panel has a speech bubble over her head, reading, “Mom and Dad, I have something to tell you…I’m pregnant.” The second panel shows the shocked faces of the parent characters in the middle of the panel, with a speech bubble over ‘Dad’ reading, “I can’t believe this! Young lady you are in so much trouble-” The daughter character interrupts him and says, “No Dad, it’s just the new Tasty Fetus!™” The final panel begins with the text “Four Weeks Later” and depicts the three characters laughing and making ‘mmm’ noises while consuming an orange fetus-shaped gummy. The fetus is still attached to what appears to be an umbilical cord.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Power Status: Unpowered

Item description: At first, no object was seen delivered from SCP-261; an investigation of the delivery tray did discover a tiny package roughly 1cm square. Object was moved to a lab where microscopic analysis revealed the packaging to be standard cellophane with the word "Nanosnax" on the front in English. The remainder of the writing on the packaging consisted of a series of numbers and letters corresponding to hexadecimal, though with no known relation to any language. Inside the packaging was a small circular wafer; analysis revealed the wafer to be pure silicon. Wafer and packaging have been retained for further research.

Note: Several of the hexadecimal numbers on the package have been positively identified as op-codes for the MOS Technology 6502 microprocessor; the remaining hexadecimal numbers have yet to be identified and do not correspond to any op-codes of any known microprocessor.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Power Status: Unpowered

Item description: "Jelly Joybeans - Assorted Emotions." Packaging is a semi-transparent plastic in English. Contents are an assortment of colored jelly beans. When consumed, subject is overcome with a specific emotional state for 3 - 5 seconds. Initial testing revealed a correlation between bean color and the emotion experienced; red is joy, blue is sadness, pink is sexual arousal, yellow is fear, green is anger, and purple is jealousy. Analysis revealed several chemicals known to interfere with human neurotransmitters as well as an accelerant.

Money entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: “Colonel Frosty’s Mystical Ice Bomb!” made by Kraft. Contained in a light blue box roughly 5 cm x 5 cm x 5 cm. According to the label it was Pomegranate-Grapefruit flavored. Inside the box was a sphere the size of a marble with a small button on the side. The object exuded fumes of a room-temperature reddish-orange gas. When subject pressed the button on the side the sphere lit up brightly before exploding in a cloud of smoke that filled the room. After the smoke cleared, it was revealed that all surfaces in the entire room, including all staff present, were coated in a reddish-orange frost. The frost was entirely edible and tasted of sugar and citric acid. All conventional means of cleanup failed; the only successful method of removing the frost was through licking. It took a total ██ staff members licking the break room and all staff present during the explosion for an hour before it was clean.

Money entered: 198 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A cellophane packet whose label read "Powdered milk with extra spiders - just add water and stir!"; when the contents of the packet were added to a glass of water and stirred, the result was a glass of skim milk containing 85 small live spiders.

Money entered: 2,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Large unlabeled clear plastic canister containing assorted hard candy shaped like various multi-sided dice akin to those used in tabletop gaming. Each numbered side produced a different flavor when tasted, with each denomination of dice producing a different set of flavors. Taste tests performed on a D-6 and a D-20 sample found that the former produced common fruit flavors while the latter contained a wide variety of flavors, many of which were not commonly used in hard candy.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Uncle Shifty's Instant Booze Tablets- A small, plastic tube containing five (5) white tablets resembling aspirin tablets. Label on tube depicts a poorly groomed older man holding a flask in his right hand and giving a 'thumbs up' with his left. Discovered that when a tablet is placed in water, it begins to dissolve rapidly until the water is transmuted into its volumetric equivalent in 5% alcohol content beer. Remaining tablets sent to lab for further analysis.

Money entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A 12-oz aluminum soda can labeled "Yukio Tanaka's Exquisite Ginger Drinking Vinegar" in English. Additional packaging in Basque. Packaging and nutritional information declared the can to be a ginger-flavoured vinegar beverage. Testing of the can's contents revealed the liquid to be 12M hydrofluoric acid.

Money entered: 314 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Two geppei mooncakes with peanut filling, one round and one square, in a transparent package. Further examination revealed that bottoms of both mooncakes have equal areas.

Money entered: 1,000 1-yen coins

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: 5ml round-bottom flask with short neck, capped with rubber stopper, partially filled with grains of a white crystalline solid. Item included a round pair of translucent-purple, plastic forceps wrapped around the spherical body of the flask, kept in place by a plastic wrapper. Packaging labeled in Japanese, translated as “Ball of Boredom”, with English instructions that read as follows, “This is a package for best results using forceps. One, alone can enjoy the best” [sic]. Under the supervision of Dr. Whitehall, D-20883 was instructed to open the container and count the contents using tools included. D-20883 verbally expressed their incredulity at the tedium of the task but complied, counting one thousand (1000) grains of the solid. D-20883 subsequently instructed to consume one grain at a time and describe the flavor. Each of the 1000 grains was invariably described by D-20883 as “salty” or some variation thereof, despite requests for more detailed descriptions. When provided with water following the experiment, D-20883 voiced complaints that it tasted “salty”. Subject claimed that their symptoms persisted for all food or drink, regardless of composition, until their termination. All experiment materials were tested for anomalous compounds but only traces of ordinary table salt were found.

Money entered: 1,000 1-yen coins

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: One (1) white cardboard folding carton containing six (6) over-sized pharmaceutical blister-packs, (10x6.0x2.0 cm). Blister pack has a single “bubble” containing one (1) grey-brown cookie effigy of Dr. Whitehall. Each cookie appears to be in the shape of a cartoon scientist with identifiable but comically exaggerated features of Dr. Whitehall. The foil back of the blister packs are plainly labeled with “Dr. Tedious : No Fun for Human Consumption”. Item fed to a Rattus norvegicus, D-Class personnel and research assistant, in that order, (one at a time, with observation periods between tests). No negative effects were observed. Research assistant described it as “underwhelming, bland and boring.” Remaining packs were framed and kept in Dr. Whitehall’s laboratory for aesthetic/morale purposes.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One (1) bag of "Doritos Atomic". Bag given to a D-Class after testing failed to show any form of radiation. Upon consumption, the D-Class began displaying a reaction between eating a highly spicy food and being burnt alive. Reaction lasted for a minute until the subject passed out of dehydration and extreme pain. Later interview revealed that the D-Class was under the sensation that he "was being dunked in burning gasoline" Remaining chips were revealed to contain juice from the Naga Bhut Jolokia (ghost pepper), as well as several unknown compounds presumed to be responsible for the D-Class feeling the external burning sensation.

Comment: I'm requesting one of these chips to see how bodily submersion in water affects the secondary sensation of the chips. -Dr. Slav

Money entered: 307 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One (1) vacuum-sealed "bargain bag" containing twelve (12) rolls of "Papaya Shaving Lozenges", with each roll containing 12 lozenges. Rolls are labeled "not for individual resale" and "health warning: do not consume more than one Papaya Shaving Lozenge in a 6-hour period; pregnant or nursing women should not consume Papaya Shaving Lozenges" in English, Hungarian, and Malagasy. Upon consumption of a lozenge, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair; hair subsequently regrew at normal rate. Upon consumption of two lozenges at once, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair, and began experiencing nosebleeds and loss of hearing. Nosebleeds ceased after two hours; hearing had 50% returned by time of termination. Scalp hair was unaffected.

Money entered: 1999 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One (1) rectangular can of "Instant Party" depicting the face of American singer Prince above the words "Let's get this party started!". Can was opened with a key glued to the side of the can. Upon opening, the song "1999" was heard from the can, along with a series of lights consistent with that of a nightclub. D-class personnel reported a strong urge to dance. Effect persisted for 3 hours, after which time the can became inert.

Money entered: 1200 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: One (1) bottle of "Mr. Mercer's amazing condiment". Bottle found to contain 2 oz of orange paste. When applied to any object, the condiment made the object incredibly palatable. This was seen to work on all objects it was tested on, including wood, stone, sand, and rotten meat. However, it does not change the composition of the object it is applied to. Bottle sent to lab for testing.

Money entered: 1 Keichō-era Koban (the gold currency during the Tokugawa period.)

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: 1642.5 cups of uncooked rice, in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261's slot. Cleanup required 3 researchers and thirty-three (33) 20-pound rice bags. Rice grains reportedly looked "Like someone had picked them out of the mud". D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption.

Money entered: 1 Man'en-era Koban

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: 280 cups of uncooked rice, in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261's slot. Cleanup required 1 researcher and six (6) 20-pound rice bags. Rice reported to still look "dingey". D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption.

Money entered: 1 Hōei-era Koban

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: One (1) Packet of "手招き肉" (Beckoning meat) containing six slabs of cooked meat from the Felis catus, specifically, the Japanese Bobtail. An illustration in the upper left corner depicts a beckoning cat being spit-roasted. D-class was initially reluctant to consume object, but was persuaded after 4 minutes by researchers. Upon consumption, D-class personnel reportedly felt "lucky". No other effects noted.

Money entered: 7,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: The hoof of a cow, wrapped in loose cellophane, entered the receptacle, but could not be removed due to size. The item seemed to be attached to a full animal inside SCP-261, and struggling sounds were heard from SCP-261. Upon attempts to open SCP-261, the sound of tearing flesh could be heard, the hoof severed and fell out of the receptacle, and the machine was found to be empty. Analysis reports that the hoof belonged to a regular Bos primigenius. Notably contained cream filling in place of bone marrow.

Money entered: 700 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One medium-sized cellophane bag with no markings. Bag contained approximately sixty thin strips of lightly seasoned jerky. D-class personnel likened the taste to typical teriyaki-flavored jerky, but reported a stinging sensation in right cheek after swallowing. Subject collapsed and died after approximately 140 seconds. Further examination revealed the jerky to be made of jellyfish, specifically the Box Jellyfish species (Chironex fleckeri).

Money entered: 700 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One small box of "Nips". Box labeling and description almost identical to the Nestlé brand of caramel candies under the same name. Notable differences include the flavor advertised to be "Flesh", and the picture of the candy no longer the typical round shape, but instead shaped similarly to human nipples. Box contained approximately 16 candies, in various shades stemming from pink to brown. Taste was described as similar to pork, texture similar to the Nestlé-brand candies.

Money entered: 1400 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One box containing four 'PEZ' dispensers and twelve blocks of 'PEZ' candy. Heads on the dispensers were modeled after those of former American president Bill Clinton, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, former independent prosecutor Ken Starr, and former Lewinsky confidante Linda Tripp. Candies and dispensers not found to be anomalous.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Dr. College's EasyRam": A small plastic cup with image of a stereotypical "mad scientist" on the top. Packaging in American English. Instructions to add water and heat in microwave for 60 seconds. Result is ramen noodles in what appears to be a low-quality cheese sauce. Analysis revealed nutritional content to be identical to exactly one third of daily requirements for an average postpubescent male, with large amounts of Omega-3 fatty acids.

Money entered: 100 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: "Edimas": An edible miniature Clyster syringe with image of a smiling Asian child. Instructions in American English describing how to administer an enema with said product. Upon testing, was found to not only function as an enema, but also administers a nutrient supplement to the colonal walls. Sent to lab for testing.

Money entered: Precisely half of a 100-yen coin

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: The top half of a standard 354ml (12oz) Coca-Cola can. Can confirmed to be empty. Upon being opened, approximately 177ml (6oz) of liquid, later confirmed to be Coca-Cola, fell from the bottom of the can and landed directly on the foot of the D-Class personnel conducting the test.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "ALTROIDS" - container which appeared to be a typical "Altoids" container, approximately 9.5 cm in length, 6 cm in width, and 2 cm in height. D-Class consumed one "mint" from container, resulting in muscle growth which increased muscle mass 1.5 times. Subject terminated in prevention of more muscle growth. "Mints" confirmed to contain steroids, as well as an unidentified chemical, though the ingredient list was identical to that of a normal Altoids container.

Money entered: One 500-yen coin with a holed drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of string (cotton). After the coin was inserted, string was pulled in an effort to pull the coin out. The string broke or became untied at the knot and the coin was accepted as usual.

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Juicy Juice: Mountain berry - A single(1) juicebox of the popular children's brand fruit juice. Luke warm. Labels and ingredients were in English and Tests indicated the juice and box were unanomalous, but expired by three weeks and 4 days. Upon consumption, subject indicated that the juice "tasted funny."

Money entered: One 500-yen coin with a holed drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of monofilament fishing line (nylon, polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Chip Ahoy" brand cookies in a standard blue wrapper with four (4) standard sized chocolate chip cookies. Text on the package written in outdated Sanskrit. Cookies appeared ordinary. Edible. Subject voiced a dislike over this particular brand of cookie, but otherwise stated they were fine. Moments after completing the last cookie, subject immediately vomited a chunky brown paste. Tests shown the exact volume and ingredients to be equal to that of the 4 cookies, though it could not be determined what made the subject sick.

Money entered: One 500 yen coin with a holed drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of monofilament fishing line (nylon, polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Shmoothie!: Chocolate Watermelon". 32oz. Clear plastic squeeze bottle, label and ingredients in English, except with punctuation at the start of the sentence. Possible marketing gimmick. Label included a stenciled picture of a watermelon with chocolate syrup on it. Thick light-brown liquid inside appeared similar in texture to a melted chocolate milkshake. Testings proved edible. Subject stated flavour was like a "Jolly Rancher" brand hardcandy dissolved in milk, and gagged after each sip. Upon completion of the bottle, Subject was asked to describe his condition. Subject sat quiet in a ponderous state for 8 seconds before violently vomiting a frothy fluid onto the testing area. Clean up was able to collect 31.53oz of the fluid, as .47oz had absorbed in the subjects clothes (Confiscated).

Money entered: One 500-yen coin with a holed drilled into the edge and tied to one (1) meter length of monofilament fishing line (nylon, polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Nong Shim Udon Premium Noodle Soup" dried noodles in a plastic bowl. Edible. No utensils included. Package seems ordinary. Text is written in both English and Japanese. While boiling water is poured onto the noodles, as per the directions, subject comments that he enjoys this brand of noodles. When questioned on his condition after 5 bites, Subjects states "Probably not the best I've has ever had but for a packaged udon, it’s pretty damn good." When finished, the subject immediately vomited partially digested noodles and broth onto the testing area. Again, tests revealed nothing that should cause such a reaction.

Money entered: 42 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Dr. Kaur pressed all the buttons at the same time. SCP-261 proceeded to make loud noises and shake violently for 5 seconds before dispensing a piece of paper 9x6 cm. On one side it had the words "Meal Voucher" while on the reverse side it says "We Apologize For The Inconvenience."

Money Entered: 777 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: SCP-261 began to shake, making a variety of dinging noises before dispensing exactly 777 chocolate coins, with foil designed similarly to casino tokens.

Money Entered: 13 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A cardboard cereal box labeled "UnLucky Charms" in black marker. Contents consisted of non-anomalous oat cereal, described as very stale by D-Class personnel. "Best before" date on the box had passed several years prior.

Money Entered: 17 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: A standard Nintendo "Game Boy" handheld gaming system, operating the game "Tetris". Personnel reported the taste of blue raspberry while interacting with the device.

Money Entered: 755 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: A yellow tinted glass bottle with a black label. Stylized yellow lettering read "Thunder Bar" in a language similar to Czech, along with "Warning, not for consumption by individuals under the age of 48". Bottle contained a red, somewhat viscous red fluid. When opened by D-Class personnel, who was 52 years of age, a massive thunderclap was heard, nearly deafening nearby researchers. Upon consumption, subject noted a strong raspberry taste before falling unconscious. Medical examinations revealed an extremely high blood alcohol content of over 0.75%, which should have been fatal. Subject has since been in a constant state of extreme inebriation, but is otherwise expected to make a full recovery.

Money Entered: 100 yen, followed by an additional 100 yen once the machine began dispensing.

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Machine shook for a estimated twelve seconds before going silent. It then ejected 100 Yen from the coin return, before dispensing a soda can split lengthways. Can contained an estimated 177 ml of lemonade. Lemonade proved unaffected by gravity and remained within the can until consumed. Black print on the exterior of the can read "Make Up Your Damn Mind" along with a frowning emoticon.

Money Entered: One 500 yen coin with a hole drilled though it, and a length of thick yarn died through the hole; small amount of adhesive applied to the rope to ensure the coin's retrieval. Upon insertion, the string was pulled back and the coin successfully retrieved.

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Machine hesitated from roughly five seconds, then dispensed a live beehive. The beehive immediately broke open upon impact, releasing a swarm of bees to attack nearby personnel. After several minutes, Foundation beekeepers were able to subdue and contain the swarm, with a majority of personnel escaping with only moderate injuries. Testing revealed the bees to be non-anomalous.

Name: Researcher ██████████

Money Entered: 600 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A small two-compartment plastic bag; exterior read "Candy Commandos" in English, Italian, and French script. Contained twelve toy soldiers of green and yellow coloring, similar in appearance to plastic army men. Once removed, miniature soldiers animated and began battling soldiers of differing color. Figures were observed utilizing fairly advanced military tactics, although no actual combat was initiated due to a lack of functional weaponry. After two minutes, the figures ceased animation. Reported to taste of peppermint.

Money Entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: One 30-gram plastic tube containing small white pellets. Packaging in an unknown language, alongside the image of a skeletal human hand giving a "thumbs-up" motion. A second skeletal hand was pictured holding a glass of water, with a white pellet visible inside. When placed in water as directed, the liquid began to thicken to an extremely viscous consistency, likened to that of pudding. Substance proved edible, although was said to taste of "dirt and rotting meat".

Money Entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: "Crmls [sic]" - Resealable tin containing caramel candies. Subject consumed caramels without issue, before expressing difficulty in speaking. Subject began to slur their words until becoming entirely unintelligible. Medical examination discovered no visible abnormalities. The following morning, subject awoke to find that their teeth and tongue had completely vanished.

I'm beginning to wonder how repeated usages continue to increase the volatility of anomalous content. Perhaps we're "tiring it out", so to speak? - Junior Researcher Harris

Money Entered: 110 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A single plain doughnut on a paper-plate. Showed no abnormalities, and was consumed without issue. Further testing regarding SCP-261's purported sentience are ongoing.

Money entered: 200 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: LanuGoGoGo! brand candy hair, raspberry flavor. The package, depicted in English, showed happy children growing full handlebar mustaches of bright neon colors. Inside the package were five individually wrapped tablets. Subject opened one wrapper and consumed the tablet, noting that it had a chalky, fibrous taste and texture, similar to dry oat bran. Five minutes and 14 seconds after consumption, subject started growing magenta fibers of a sugary consistency from her upper lip, at a rate of approximately 1 cm every 2 seconds. Mustache stopped growing after 73 seconds. The mustache could be easily and harmlessly broken off the subject, and consumed. The mustache fibers melted into sugar in the subject's mouth and tasted strongly sweet and of artificial raspberry. Subject noted a feeling of "being a kid again" after consuming her mustache.

Money entered: 200 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Shakespeare's Scrumptious Sonnets, Blackthorn Flavour. An envelope containing four sheets of vellum, each (supposedly) with one of Shakespeare's sonnets handwritten on them in a Prunus spinosa-based ink. The sonnets written were #34, #77, #121 (although noted as #145) and an unrecognized sonnet noted to be Sonnet #219. Note that Shakespeare was known to have written only 154 sonnets. When a sonnet is read aloud, all individuals within earshot reported sensing a tart flavor similar to damson plum. Upon a second reading, listening to the same sonnet had no anomalous effect. All sonnets appear to only deliver the flavor sensation once. The vellum, when consumed, is dry and flavorless.

Money Entered: 1500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Colonel Crone's Confession CandyTM - Orange box containing twelve assorted hard candies. Labeling written in European English, with each candy being wrapped in a label displaying its flavor. Upon consumption of the candy, subject will involuntarily divulge secrets about themselves whenever communication is attempted. Consumption of addition candy results in the subject sharing more closely kept secrets. Chemical testing has shown no abnormalities in the candy's composition.

Well, guess everyone knows now, no point in hiding who I am. But hey, that's a nice story. "How'd you come out?" "Oh it was because of SCP-261." I'm rambling again, aren't I? Y'know, I've had probl— [REDACTED FOR BREVITY] - Junior Researcher Andrew Gatling

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: A 2 oz cardboard box of "Loony Lionel's Wound-Lickers", printed in stylized English lettering. Printed left of the label is a cartoon lion licking a blue variant of the candy inside, applied to its left paw. "Just stick 'em on and lick 'em off, Lion-style!" is also printed underneath the labelling. Box contains twenty-four (24) circular, multicolored candy bandages. Subject applied one bandage to a small cut on her hand, despite expressing how "stupid" she felt doing so. Upon licking the orange bandage off, subject's wound appeared to be completely healed. Remainder of samples collected for further testing.

Money Entered: 250 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Twenty-seven shotgun shells dispensed over the course of six seconds. Small text on the bottom of each shell read "Tannhauser Edible Weaponry" in Japanese. Despite being chemically identical to non-anomalous shotgun shells, subjects showed no ill-effects from consuming the ammunition. Shells also showed no abnormalities when fired. Reportedly tasted like a combination of chocolate and bananas.

Money Entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Seventeen empty jars, each with an approximate volume of 350 ml. All jars lacked a lid, and had identical cracks running lengthwise from the lip of the jars.

Money Entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: Machine shook for several seconds before ejecting the 500 yen from the coin slot, along with a typed note that read "Service Required". Note was primarily in Japanese, with English sub-text typed in parenthesis beneath it. The machine then produced seventeen jar lids, all covered in a translucent yellow substance, identified as honey. This was followed by a massive amount of honey flowing from the bottom slot. Further analysis found that the machine's entire internal compartment was covered with honey. Attempts to vend additional products during this time only resulted in the expulsion of more honey. No internal circuitry had been affected, although it did take several hours to rid the machine's interior of honey. Once completely clean, SCP-261 began functioning as expected.

Money Entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Item description: A large metal cube with various green pictographs engraved onto its surface. Initial attempts at ingestion were unsuccessful, as the object showed no immediate method by which to consume it. After subject's saliva made contact with the cube, the point of contact began to rapidly rust, with the subject reporting a foul metallic taste. Subject was instructed to lick the rest of the object until its surface was completely covered in rust. Following this, subject stated that they felt sated and did not require additional sustenance for 24 hours. Further examination of the cube found that the pictographs had since faded, and were replaced by a large red "X" symbol on each face.

Money entered: 5,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Lafferty" yellow soda can with an image depicting an adolescent male pointing directly at the viewer, a large tea cup in hand. Initial effect included D-class bursting out in uncontrollable laughter. Approximately 20 minutes and 17 seconds later, laughing had completely ceased. Further examination had revealed subject to have lost 0.7 kg in body fat. Subject also reported to have a warm, soft, lemon taste in their mouth.

Note: Nutrition label on the side of the can had total calories at -5620.

Money entered: 700 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A blue and gold cardboard box. Package opened remotely. On the inside sat a blue pencil sharpener and colorful pencils with varying smells. Sharpening the pencils would open a pocket in the back of the sharpener, dispensing a random sliced fruit. Remaining number of pencils is fourteen (14).

Money entered: 600 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Rubik's Candy Cube" An unsolved functional hard-candy Rubik's Cube. When the item was solved it came apart to reveal a rainbow-colored candy that, when eaten, caused the pieces of the cube to come together again in a random pattern. Solving the puzzle again revealed another candy.

Money Entered: 150 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Dr. Wondertainment's Amazing Burst-o-bubbles [sic]" - A small pink gumball enclosed in a purple plastic wrapper with stylized yellow lettering. Showed no abnormalities until subject attempted to blow a bubble, upon which the gum expanded to an estimated 170 cm in diameter before popping. The resulting concussive force caused minor concussions in nearby personnel, along with several diagnoses of mild tinnitus. Notably, subject suffered no ill effects from the blast, with the test chamber reportedly smelling of glazed sugar and sulfur for several days.

Money entered: 1,000 Yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Polyglot in a Can: Modern Languages" Written in Japanese. No list of ingredients shown. Upon consumption subject showed fluency in Spanish, French and German. Effects wore off after an hour.

Money entered: 1,000 Yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: "Polyglot in a Can: Ancient Languages" Written in Japanese. No list of ingredients shown. Upon consumption subject showed fluency in Greek, Latin and ancient Sumerian. Effects wore off after an hour.

Money entered: 500 Yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A box of "UnSweethearts Candies", label in Russian. Package contains no text, other than the label, a bar code, and a label indicating manufacture in Lyon, France. Contained 25 teardrop-shaped candies, each printed with a phrase thematically relating to the dissolution of a romantic relationship (e.g. "I drink to forget you"; "You are the reason for my restraining order"; etc.) Testing revealed each candy contained 1 milligram of Cyanide.

Note: Before the following experiments, SCP-███ briefly broke containment. While it was quickly recontained, it was not before the site's power supply was damaged and had to be shut down for repairs. It was decided to test SCP-261 with the back-up generator running to see if any notable differences were apparent. Labeled as "Partially Powered" for the sake of consistency.

Money Entered: 250 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Partially Powered

Item description: A two-liter cardboard milk carton filled with a white liquid. Label read "Bad Value", most likely a parody of the brand "Great Value". Expiration date read "2/14/3127". All available subjects refused to consume the liquid, even under threat of termination. Furthermore, subjects exposed to the carton refused to consume any form of dairy product for an estimated 48 hours. Chemical analysis found the liquid to be a non-anomalous combination of goat's milk and cow's milk.

Money Entered: One 500 yen coin with a hole drilled though it, and a length of thick yarn died through the hole; small amount of adhesive applied to the rope to ensure the coin's retrieval. Upon insertion, the string was pulled back and the coin successfully retrieved.

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Partially Powered

Item description: Machine hesitated for roughly five seconds, before dispensing a grenade. The grenade detonated approximately two seconds after impacting the ground, while those present scattered. However, in lieu of an explosion, the grenade ejected a large amount of confetti alongside a sound similar to that of a plastic noisemaker. All individuals within the room at the time of detonation reported at strong taste of peppermint.

Money Entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Partially Powered

Item description: An unlabeled aluminum soda can, red in coloration. Contained an opaque brown-tinted liquid. Subject ingested the liquid, then immediately expelled it, comparing the taste to "pennies and dead caterpillars".

Note At this point testing was concluded for the day. Power station was back up and running at 23:22 the same night.

Money Entered: 1,000 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: A purple cloth bag. Stylized green lettering on the bag's exterior read "Sleep is the best medicine! You've heard it before, now try it for yourself!" in English. Bag contained thirty oblong white pills. D-3512, who has had a history of persistent migraines, consumed a singular pill before entering a comatose state.Subject remained in this state for 48 hours, and required no external nutrition during this time. After awakening, subject reported feeling extremely well rested, and that their migraine had vanished.

Money Entered: 445 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Lord Wentworth's Monocle of Excellence - A gold rimmed monocle inside a foil wrapper, depicting a humanoid silhouette wearing a top hat and monocle. Monocle was retrieved from the packaging and worn by the subject. While wearing the monocle subject claimed they could see a cup of tea on the chamber floor nearby. The subject approached the supposed tea cup, and made actions to pick it up and drink it, claiming it to taste similarly to sweetened Earl Grey tea. Following consumption, the monocle began to tarnish and rapidly degraded, leaving only the lens.

Money Entered: Half of a 500 yen coin

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Machine shook violently for approximately three minutes before dispensing a small blue orb. Orb was given to D-8845 to inspect an attempt to consume. When bit, the orb became gelatinous in nature and violently forced itself down D-8845's oral cavity unassisted. Subject reported a strong flavor similar to blueberries, but distinctly different. Further tests with partial currency are underway.

Money Entered: Two halves of separate 500 yen coins

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Machine shook violently for approximately one minute before dispensing a large foil package. Art on the package depicted a rolling pastoral countryside with a flaming humanoid figure visible in the distance. Writing on the package reminiscent of early Welsh was loosely translated to "Thatch Man Village!" then "This is an offering from them to you!" in smaller text. Package contents were similar to a primitive hillside village full of animate miniature humanoids. These humanoids began constructing a small wicker man in the center of the village using pieces of wood retrieved from structures. Upon completion, the humanoids set the construction alight, emitting a hazy black smoke. Personnel who inhaled this smoke reported feeling well fed. Shorty after the wicker man had ceased burning, the village and its inhabitants ceased animation and crumbled into dust.

Money Entered: 750 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: OmNomNomOpoeia - A rectangular box decorated with a cartoon cow stating "The Moo-st Delicious Thing on Earth!" Box contained twenty circular white chocolates. When consumed, subject was observed emitting animal vocalizations in place of onomatopoeia. Medical examinations revealed the subject's vocal cords would expand and contract involuntarily when producing these anomalous vocalizations. Effects have not faded since consumption.

Money Entered: 47 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: One fine bone china tea cup containing tea, Earl Grey, hot which can only be referred to as such. Any conscious attempts at referring to the object in a manner other than "tea, Earl Grey, hot" have failed. Item manifested as incorporeal in the retrieval area of the machine and slowly became more tangible over time. Taste described as an attempt to make tea, Earl Grey, hot by someone who had heard of tea, Earl Grey, hot but never tasted it.

Money entered: 250 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Blueberry yoo-hoo - Upon opening the can, it yelled “Yoo-hoo!” in a high-pitched voice. D-3489 ingested beverage without incident, but experienced an increased rate of flatulence for three hours after consuming drink; each flatus repeating the phrase “Yoo-hoo!”

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: <Unknown> - A wax-paper bag with a picture of an anthropomorphic cartoon pig wearing a toga and laurels on it. Contained three strips of bacon. D-3489 described bacon as “Ough-tay and-ay oo-tay alty-say.” D-3489 continued speaking in this manner for 45 minutes after consumption without noticing.

Money entered: 500 yen

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered

Item description: Russian Nesting Twinkie - Package contained a single Hostess brand Twinkie. Illustration on the package depicted a hand squeezing a Twinkie. D-3489 ordered to squeeze the Twinkie. Upon squeezing, the Tw