The Conficker worm. With the global botnet programmed to accept new instructions beginning today, The New York Times called it an "unthinkable disaster" in the making. CBS's 60 Minutes said the worm could "disrupt the entire internet," and The Guardian warned that it might be a "deadly threat."

Threat Level was skeptical last week that Conficker would do anything more than send spam. But since then we've become aware of dramatic new evidence that reporting on a doomsday worm is good for page views. So welcome to our Conficker War Room! We'll track this scourge throughout the day, so check back frequently for the latest updates. The war room will live-blog the cyber apocalypse until the internet has melted into a smoldering pile of solder and CAT 5 cable, or Conficker-controlled androids burst down our doors and pry our keyboards from our hands.

11:45 EDT: The worm is obviously much sneakier than even the Times predicted. With April 1 now well underway in the eastern U.S., and completely over in New Zealand, Conficker hasn't done anything ... that we know of. Obviously, it's biding its time – lulling us into a false sense of security and planning its next move. Keep watching this page.

11:55 EDT: Dashboard oil light illuminated on drive to War Room. Conficker in car computer? Investigating.

12:05 EDT: False alarm (apparently). Dipstick analysis suggests I was just low on oil.

12:15 EDT: Felony conviction against Ted "Series of Tubes" Stevens is being thrown out for prosecutorial misconduct. Coincidence? Conficker hates net neutrality.

12:20 EDT: Reader reports, "I just got a message that said, 'Windows has encountered a problem and will need to shut down'. OMG!!"

12:25 EDT: Conficker Worm Outbreak not a Worry for Radware Customers! Has something to do with to the "zero-minute" technology in Radware's "DefensePro" network security product line. Developing ...

12:30 EDT: Just learned Woz was eliminated on Dancing With the Stars last night. Damn you Conficker!

12:55 p.m. EDT: Reader Andy reports, "The toaster in the breakroom burned my bagel!" Frakking toasters! Checking Wired.com breakroom.

1:00 p.m. EDT: Josh Houston says, "I want to download a copy of the virus... and yet I can't find one." Josh, make sure you're not running security products with zero-minute technology.

1:10 p.m. EDT: Eating perfectly-toasted bagel. Cream cheese seems a little off. Checking microprocessor in refrigerator.

1:25 p.m. EDT: Tori Spelling's weight has dropped to a frail 98 pounds. Star magazine blames her mother. I blame Conficker.

1:30 p.m. EDT: Threat Levels' interactive buffer overflow tutorial has received only three diggs. Suspect Conficker is burying post.

1:48 p.m. EDT: Reader Mike reports, "The office wall clock has just stopped working." Interesting. I theorize that some older clocks may be susceptible to a Conficker-triggered change to the 60 hertz frequency of North American electrical current.

1:49 p.m. EDT: Mike adds, "Scratch that. Needed new AA battery."

2:25 p.m. EDT: Deluged now. Readers reporting odd weather patterns, unexpected pop-up ads, demands for money from ex-spouses, backed-up toilets. Thinking of going home and taking a Vicodin, but car has no oil.

2:45 p.m. EDT: Texas man found with 21 cats in hotel room. Possible connection to reader-reported defacement of LOLcats collection.

__2:55 p.m. EDT: __If Conficker were really devious, it would offer consumers 24-hour protection from Symantec.

__3:05 p.m. EDT: __CBC reports that attackers could be preparing a new version of Conficker that's even worse than this one. Checking with art department about getting deadlier graphic.

__3:55 p.m. EDT: __You can now pre-order the DVD of 60 Minutes' report on Conficker, The Internet is Infected. It's just $15.99 on Amazon.com. Do it now, while the internet is still alive.

__4:30 p.m. EDT: __First "I Survived Conficker" tee spotted on Cafe Press. Premature and smug. Might as well wear a sign on your chest saying, Conficker, Kill Me First.

__5:10 p.m. EDT: __What the War Room needs now are many more press releases from security firms to guide us through the apocalypse. Please be sure to use words like "cyberterrorists" and "cyber 9/11," or I'll assume you're not serious.

7:45 p.m. EDT: This is getting weird. That 60 Minutes report that alerted millions to the horror of Conficker on Sunday? The online version is missing 30 seconds of the original broadcast. It's a crucial half-minute in which we're shown a picture of some innocent-looking kids, then shocked by Lesley Stahl's revelation that they're a Russian "cyber gang" who are "hacking into our computers and taking our money." Did Conficker censor the web video to protect its young Russian masters?

7:47 p.m. EDT (Final update): Turns out CBS made the cut itself, because the Russian "cyber gang" is actually an innocent youth group in Finland, as suggested by the Finnish coat of arms on one member's jacket. In its web correction, CBS blames the security company that provided the photo. I blame Conficker. In a world where a single piece of malware can inflict the carnage we've witnessed today,who wouldn't be suspicious of a bunch of kids frolicking in the snow? We're through the looking glass here, people!