God damn it.

Why did Jasper have to go and open his big mouth the other night?! Did he forget that he and Tam are the only ones who know?

Thank God Tam covered for me, even if he wasn’t too happy about it. He texted me after I got home that night, and said I’ve gotta tell Gigi…

But I don’t think he gets it. It’s not like I had a reason to tell her or anything. Not yet.

But I guess now I do… Because Jasper totally jinxed it.

Or maybe ‘jinx’ isn’t the right word. You usually just use it to talk about bad shit, right?

And I’m still trying to decide whether this is awesome or awful.

I got a letter in the mail this morning from one of the graduate schools I applied to.

And not just any school… THE school. “The big one”, as Jasper called it.

Brindleton Bay University. Home to one of the top-ranked Psychology programs in the entire world.

And I got in!

I’m still kinda trying to convince myself it actually happened… I just found out last semester that my uni has a partnership with BBU. And I decided to apply on some kind of crazy whim.

I never actually thought I’d get in. That’s why I never told my parents or Lila or Gigi about it. I knew they’d all freak out and start panicking about it… why would I let them get all worked up over something that isn’t even a sure thing? I didn’t want them to worry for nothing.

Maybe they still don’t have to worry though. Just because I got in doesn’t mean I have to go there. And there are plenty of other universities around here where I could get my Masters degree…

Y’know, ones that aren’t over 6,000 kilometers away from everybody I care about.

But… God, it would be so amazing. When would I ever get the chance to go live abroad like that again? Once I have a career and a family, I won’t be able to.

And I’ve always wanted to leave Europe for a little while… Get out there and kinda ‘see the world’, or whatever. You know what I mean?

Plus, getting to study at Brindleton Bay would just be… insane. In just two years, I could have a degree from one of the best Psychology programs in the world! It would be so amazing for my career… I bet I’d get an awesome placement for my internship once I get back home. Hell, if I like it there enough, I could probably get an internship through BBU and do it over there! And once I’m licensed and stuff, it’ll look so good on my resume too.

This would seriously be huge for me. A dream come true, basically.

I know Jasper and Tam really want me to do it… they were the ones who pushed me to go for it in the first place. And I’m sure the rest of my family would be okay with it too, eventually. Mama would probably be a mess for a little while… But I know she’d come around.

It’s not my family who’s the problem though.

I feel so damn guilty just thinking about it. How the hell am I gonna tell her?! Tam was right… I should’ve told her sooner. But I really didn’t think this was ever gonna happen.

Fuck. What am I gonna do?!

It seriously breaks my heart if I even try to imagine what it would be like spending more than two years an ocean away from the woman I love…

Shit, I dunno. Even coming home for summer breaks and stuff, I don’t think I can do it. I really don’t.

I tried doing some research to see if there was a way I could bring her too… But I can’t do it.

She can’t come with me. Not as anything more than a tourist, or whatever. The only way she could actually come and stay would be if we were related, or if she got a student visa too.

But she’s already got that job lined up with that magazine once she graduates. She’s not gonna wanna go back to school. And it’s probably way too late for her to apply anyway.

We’re totally stuck. If I go, she has to stay. I’d have to leave her behind. And there’s no way I could ever do that, could I?

I mean, look at what happened with Bryce and Meg. She didn’t even go half as far for school. Just up to London… and they barely lasted a year before they couldn’t do it anymore. The distance was way too much for them.

And poor Bryce… I know he kept saying it was for the best, but it basically destroyed him. He loved her so much.

I can’t do that to Gigi. I can’t just go halfway across the world and break her heart like that. If we ever broke up, it would seriously kill me. And I know it would kill her too. And that makes it even worse.

But I’m getting way ahead of myself, aren’t I?

Maybe we’d be able to make it work… Long distance can be okay sometimes, right? I’d get to come back home and see her in the summer. And we could call and text and stuff all the time. And it’s only two years, three tops… That’s not the end of the world right?

It doesn’t always end up like it did for Bryce and Meg. People make it work all the time!

And Gigi and I… we love each other so much. We’d totally be fine. I know we would.

And besides, all this worrying is totally pointless anyway.

It’s not like I’m actually going or anything… I can’t do it.

That would be totally crazy!

Wouldn’t it?