REMEMBER the outrage that bubbled up over the new Barbecue Shapes formula?

In April, after 40 years of delicious success, the good people at Arnott’s had a brain snap and decided to tinker with the flavour combo of their popular biscuits. People were not happy.

If this outrage taught us one thing, it was that a change to an iconic Australian snack is akin to a swift kick in the guts.

Unfortunately it seems Arnott’s has learned nothing from this episode, as it has done some kind of witchcraft to its classic Vita-Weat biscuit and you can no longer produce Vegemite and butter “worms”.

No idea what we’re talking about?

Allow this wide-eyed child from 1981 to explain:

So basically, if you slathered enough butter and Vegemite between two Vita-Weat biscuits, you could expect worms to appear when you pressed them together (not too firmly mind you, or they’d shatter and your entire playlunch was ruined).

If you didn’t grow up in Australia in the ‘80s/’90s, this biscuit-eating routine is as beloved as the popular method our brethren in America have for eating their Oreo cookies (first you twist it, then you lick it, then you tell a dog he can’t have chocolate, etc).

You can only imagine what would happen if you screwed with the Oreo cookie structure in the US. That recipe is probably part of their constitution.

But I digress. To further clarify, this was the level of worm you could expect back in the day:

Once more for the people in the cheap seats:

The sobering fact that you can no longer force the inky fat through your Vita-Weats was bought to our attention last night by this Facebook post, which conveys an appropriate level of fury.

As we are Serious Journalists we decided to do our own investigation (also, I’ll be damned if this whole situation hadn’t given us a hankering for a Vita-Weat with butter and Vegemite). So we schlepped down to the shops and purchased a box of the original variety to do our own test.

If we had a time machine we’d go back to the ‘80s and buy a packet of the original biscuits so we could do a properly controlled experiment. But this will have to do.

Behold, the face of disappointment:

As you can see, no dice. It is indeed true that the holes in the biscuit seem to be smaller these days and thus the worms cannot poke their heads through. Also, to anyone who says I didn’t put enough (soft) butter and Vegemite on to create the worms, that biscuit was almost *heaving* under the weight of spread that I slathered on it.

Further investigation shows that this may not be an entirely new discovery - Vegemite worms may have been dying out as far back as 2012:

What’s next? Will Arnott’s mess with the structural integrity of the Tim Tam so we can’t suck our tea through it? Will the makers of bubble wrap produce bubbles that can’t be popped? Will Golden Circle develop juice boxes that are so sturdy you can’t inflate them and then jump on them from a great height, producing a satisfying POP? Will they put a toxic element in helium balloons so you can’t suck the gas and sound like a chipmunk? Are there any other nostalgic elements of an Australian childhood that manufacturers want to douse in petrol and burn to the ground?

I’m pretty sure our forefathers fought for our right to force those Vegemite and butter worms through those tiny Vita-Weat holes.

Because we’re fair and reasonable we gave the people at Arnott’s a chance to explain themselves.

After wearily saying that “it must be a slow news day” they said they’d email through a response.

And here it is:

“Vita-Weat has been made to the same recipe and using the same processes and the same baking oven for over 10 years. We use premium quality wholegrain wheat from farms across Australia including the Darling Downs, Moree, the Riverina and South Australia. Due to natural variation in wheat from season to season and farm to farm and the effect that the wheat has on the baking of the crispbread, the size of the holes in the biscuits can change. This can affect how easy it is to make Vita-Weat worms”.

So basically, I think they just blamed nature.

All I know is this, Arnott’s.

If you even *think* about messing with the Mint Slice recipe, we’re all moving to Canada.