I was baffled — why did people think I could do that route? This time, though, it really stuck. I told myself I would climb 5.14, and I wanted Proper Soul to be my first one.

It wasn’t until the spring of 2015, my freshman year at UNC Chapel Hill, that I actually tried the route. I could not do the move entering into the dihedral, even in isolation. Eventually I just skipped it, and then it took me another 20 minutes or so to work out the moves in the two-bolt-long dihedral section. I had to take at every bolt, and I eventually came down before the traverse section in the upper half of the route.

I felt discouraged, and I distinctly remember thinking, “What the hell, Will? I can’t do ANY of this!” It was also the day I met Brian Pardo, who had done the route and insisted I actually did well for a first try. I didn’t believe him, but I was still psyched! I had a goal, and it gave me a reason to continue training.

The following summer, I lived at the Red River Gorge and tried to get more familiar with climbing on real rock. I sent eight 5.13s, and built up my confidence to get ready for a larger challenge. I was psyched to dedicate myself to projecting Proper Soul the fall semester of my sophomore year.

I told myself I would train hard and make it out to the New every weekend to piece the route together. However, between my job, running the climbing club on campus, and my classes, I only made it to the New once. I didn’t even try Proper that season.

Finally, during the fall semester of my junior year of college (about five years after Will first suggested I try Proper Soul), I was able to make more weekend trips to the New. I was going to dedicate myself to this climb for real this time. However, I started to feel a lot of doubt and negativity creep into my mind.

During the drive to the New for the first weekend trip of the season, I convinced myself I was not worthy of getting on Proper Soul again. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid that I would get back on the route only to have it feel no better than the first time I tried it a year and a half ago. I was afraid I would have to accept that none of my training had worked, and that I wasn’t any stronger than I had been my freshman year. I had successfully convinced myself not to try the climb until I opened my bag and saw a small white envelope with my name on it.

It was from my boyfriend Alex, and it read, “I hope this note finds you in good spirits, standing in the Cirque under a beautiful West Virginia sky, looking at this beautiful line that inspires you.” His words were enough for me to remember why I chose this route in the first place. I accepted that the process would be hard, and that’s okay. I will never find out what I am truly capable of unless I fail along the way.

So, I gave it a try, and I fell a lot…. but I did every move this time! It would take a lot of work to figure out how to link the different cruxes, but I felt like it would be possible! I had officially become fully committed to my new project.

We returned to the New the next weekend, and I was excited to put some more work into Proper Soul with my friend Alex Ng from Maryland. I opened my bag, and to my surprise, found another small white envelope! I thought it would be from my boyfriend again, but it was from my high school best friend, Claire Bresnan, who was studying in Colorado at the time. She wrote, “I know if you put your mind to it you can do amazing things, and know I’m always on your team. Love you loads my fancy, apple crushing, math solving, rock clamberin’ best amiga.”

I had no idea how the note had gotten there, but it filled my heart with joy. Once again, I felt uplifted and encouraged to get on my project thanks to my amazing friends. Both Alex Ng and I made some big links on Proper Soul, and it was a great weekend.

A few weeks later, we packed our bags and geared up for yet another trip to the New. This time it was fall break, so we had four days to climb. I opened my bag and voila, another note! This time it was from my roommate and best friend, Hannah Smith. She wrote a beautiful note that ended with, “...and remember that no matter what grade you do or don’t climb, no matter how many competitions you do or don’t win, you are strong and amazing and you inspire me.”

Once again my heart was full, and I was excited to get back on my project! Alex Ng and I were both making serious progress. By the end of fall break, I had linked the bottom of the dihedral to the top of the climb. There was just one low-percentage move entering the dihedral that I needed to dial.