Highest In The Land

Approach the Graco Contempo Highchair! It is I, Judge Baby, who will determine your fate!

Bailiff Daddy, bring forth the next defendant! Ah, yes, creamed spinach. It says here you've stolen over twenty-five different automobiles. No, no, now is not the time to repent, my lad! That was somewhere around automobile the fifth! Today it is your turn to face justice. Justice most harsh! Have you any statements? No? Very well. I sentence you to ... a flinging against the wall! Ha ha ha! Hoo hoo hoo!

I do enjoy a good flinging, eh, wot, Bailiff Daddy? Oh, don't make that face, the scoundrel had it coming. He knew the second he stepped before my Graco Contempo Highchair what he would face. Come. come. let's move along. Next case! Next case!

Ah, strained diced peaches. You've been here before, haven't you? Yes, I remember you, last time I gave you a pass and let you roll around on the plastic tray. What is it this time, then, strained peaches? Armed robbery? Good lord! And you came from such a good Georgia family, too. It's always a shame when one with your chances goes bad. Ah, well, I did what I could, didn't I. I sentence you to ... a flinging against the wall! Tee hee hee! Ho ho ho! What jolly good judgements today, I must say!

Now, Bailiff Daddy, don't be so soft heart. Let them dribble down the wall. They're criminals! We can't be soft if we want the law to stand supreme. Next case! Next case!

Well, young oat ring. Always nice to see you here. Officer Daddy, did you know this oat ring and I went to the same school? This must be a paperwork matter, I'm sure we'll- oh, my, what a long list of crimes! Oat ring? Are these true? Tell you what, I can't possibly see you against that wall, so why don't we work out a deal? You let me gnaw on your crunchy outer shell for a few minutes and then I'll drop you down the side of the cushion and let you go free across that floor. Does that sound fair? I thought you'd agree.

Bailiff Daddy, that'll be all for today. No, no, the banana pudding case will have to wait until tomorrow. Back into the fridge with it! Although, I must say, there's a good chance it'll be joining young oat ring here. Unlike those strained peas I see across the room. If they ever come before me ... well, I don't want to sound prejudicial. Let's just say there's a good rhymes-with-dinging coming their way. Haw haw haw! What a jolly good time it is being a baby!

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