CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has today unveiled his secret weapon for belt-tightening, ahead of an imminent 2020 recession.

Speaking to a crowd of Quiet Australians outside of the Australian Treasury in Canberra today, Frydenberg delicately outlined is plan for smooth sailing through the eye of the storm.

“We took to the election our budget commitments and we have faithfully implement them. In fact, we have formulated a new system that will allow us to keep the government in the black without ever having to tax any companies ever again!”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you, George Colambaris!”

Colambaris was met with a light applause by the crowd, made up of every day Australians who just want to get on with their lives without the government getting in the way with their red tape and legal templates aimed at making it harder to treat poor people like shit.

This follow’s the NAB’s June announcement that Australia’s retail sector already in recession and some economists fear the entire economy could next year fall into recession, ending the country’s much-vaunted 28-years of economic growth.

Frydenberg says the best way for the economy to keep moving is for big business to not have to pay their workers that much money, and in turn, dropping the prices on their products.

But that’s not all he’s planning on doing. Frydenberg says

“We can do all that while paying down debt, it’s important to create these buffers. And we will be doing that by not paying our CSIRO staff or any of the unskilled workers cleaning toilets in government buildings” he said.

“This is why I have brought big Georgie here in as an advisor”

“He’s gonna help me find the money that would otherwise be wasted on paying other humans a liveable wage”

“This black armband view of livability is destroying our economy. If it’s not housing affordability, it’s people whingeing about stagnant wage growth”

“It’s time to tighten the belt. It’s time to raise some Hell [enic republic]”

“hahaha”