Have you guys heard about this yet? As reported by the BBC and Business Insider and countless others — and originally posted on Cast It Talent's legit but not particularly impressive-looking website — the producers of Star Wars: Episode VII are holding worldwide open casting calls for two lead characters, and they're coming to Nashville. To the Downtown Sheraton on Nov. 24, to be precise.

Producers are seeking a "young woman to play 17-18 years old" and a "young man to play 19-23 years old." Both must be "handsome/beautiful, athletic and smart." I'll be there, freshly shorn and doing my best impression of a 23-year-old. "Star Wars? What's that? Ohhh, is that the old-timey space movie? Way before my time. I'm super-young." Right? Here are the character rundowns:

Rachel: Was quite young when she lost her parents. With no other family, she was forced to make her way alone in a tough, dangerous town. Now 17 she has become street smart and strong. She is able to take care of herself using humor and guts to get by. Always a survivor, never a victim, she remains hopeful that she can move away from this harsh existence to a better life. She is always thinking of what she can do to move ahead. Thomas: Has grown up without a father's influence. Without the model of being a man, he doesn't have the strongest sense of himself. Despite this, he is smart, capable and shows courage when it is needed. He can appreciate the absurdities in life and understands you can't take life too seriously.

Now, I read the entire Young Jedi Knights series as a youth, and the lead characters in that were Han Solo and Princess Leia's twin children, Jaina and Jacen. But if "Rachel" and "Thomas" are Jaina and Jacen, that implies that Han and Leia may have been killed! But no, wait: Young Jedi Knights wasn't official canon, right? WHAT IS HAPPENING?! J.J. Abrams, you goddamn nerd, if you screw this up, we will destroy you. That said, Abrams has promised to shoot the new films on 35mm film stock rather than digital, and that's certainly a good sign.

Hey, Abrams (*waves hand in front of Abrams' face*): Those aren't the actors you're looking for. You've hired D. Patrick Rodgers to play Thomas. All the other auditionees can move along. Move along.

All the details you need are here.