Every day, healthcare workers risk their lives on the frontlines of this pandemic in order to save others. It may never be possible to give them adequate thanks, but one Washington State town is trying its very hardest. Every night at 7p.m., this town comes together and thanks a doctor by fucking her brains out.

“It’s just a little thing we can all do to show support,” says townsperson Bri Raddler. “And it strengthens our sense of community.”

“It’s so easy to feel isolated when you’re stuck home all day,” Raddler adds. “But when I head outside at seven and see my neighbors taking a local doctor to Poundtown, it’s like, right, we’re all in this together.”

And the local residents aren’t the only ones whose morale has been boosted by this show of solidarity and support.

“It’s been one of the only things keeping me going,” says Emergency Room physician Dr. Ophelia Chen. “As a health care provider, this pandemic is the worst thing I can imagine working through, but knowing that if I’m off by seven, I get the chance to have passionate, carnal love made to me by every consenting adult in town is enough to make it through the day.”

“Of course, I’m typically extremely exhausted by the time I finish my shift, but the town has been great about letting me just lie there,” Dr. Chen adds. “I’m lucky to have such a supportive group of townspeople slamming my damn bones on the regular.”

Naturally, the town’s somewhat unorthodox practice has raised concerns with its potential to further the spread of the virus.

“It is the recommendation of the state to not have sex with people you don’t live with,” says Mayor Sam Livitz. “And to have raging group sex with any number of strangers would be even more discouraged.”

“However, much in the way some local leaders are concerned by the cost to the economy of shelter-in-place orders, I am concerned by the idea of the town not plowing the living heck out of a medical hero each night, and I know I have my constituents support on that position,” the Mayor adds.

“At this time, we are asking all residents to do their part by making their own masks and condoms.”

Stay safe!