The latest 50 shades movie opened in cinemas this week with hoards of sexually unsatisfied middle aged women lining up to wonder who’s going to get spanked next.

Most of the viewers said the movie gave them a chance to fantasise about a sex life they desire but can’t have due to society telling them it’s not how a good woman behaves.

Samantha Belle said she watches the movies in order to imagine what life would be like if she didn’t have to keep up the facade of being prim, proper and decent.









“For a few hours i can go and imagine what it’s like to be wholly plundered”

“No more of this “You can’t put that in there” or “Why don’t we just do it the way God wants us to”

“I get to imagine what sex must be like without so many self imposed restrictions”

Another woman, Claire Blurbs, said it was easy to reconcile being a strong, modern woman with the idea of wholly submitting to a man.









“All that feminist mumbo jumbo flies out your head the second a decent clam hammer starts pounding away”

It was not all good news however, with some cinema owners saying seats had to cleaned due to women dripping all over them like a leaky faucet.

Disclaimer: The writer of this article has never seen the movies and has almost no understanding of what they are about. This did not stop him from acting like he knows what he’s talking about, just like a good man should.

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