Working with other people kind of sucks. If left to our own devices, many of us would avoid depending on others for anything. Whether it’s the office picnic or a quarterly service line update, group work can feel like high-stakes gambling where your coworkers get to make all the bets. You may tell them where to put the money, but that doesn’t mean they’ll listen.

Working with other people kind of sucks. If left to our own devices, many of us would avoid depending on others for anything. Whether it’s the office picnic or a quarterly service line update, group work can feel like high-stakes gambling where you front the money but your coworkers get to make all the bets. You can tell them how to place their bets, but that doesn’t mean they’ll listen.

It’s no surprise that leaders are more exhausted by the day-to-day BS of dealing with their peers than their employees. It’s easy to have influence over people that you can reprimand. It’s much harder with people who, technically, don’t have to listen to you.

This means work completed late, emails that don’t get timely responses, or lackluster effort on critical group projects. Left frustrated, most leaders respond in two ways:

“Tattling” to a senior leader, secretly hoping to that they’ll involve themselves and whip the laggards into shape. Unfortunately, there’s never a guarantee they’ll actually do anything about it and when they do, they often have the subtlety of a fireworks display.

Getting frustrated and snapping at the other person/people when another deadline is missed, burning bridges and feeling foolish after the fact.

Fortunately, it is possible to solve some of these problems before they start. By setting consistent guidelines for your group work you can establish commonly understood norms that reenforce accountability, and by extension, you can avoid looking like a jerk.

Set clear expectations

“The great enemy of communication, we find, is the illusion of it.” There’s a reason why the most important meetings have someone that keeps minutes. Too many meetings conclude without a clear summary of the key takeaways and well distributed action items. And let’s be honest, each of us can be accused of having adjourned a meeting without taking the minute or two it takes to review the commitments and next steps.

You can’t hold someone accountable to something they never commit to. If you want to ensure someone follows through on something, be sure you hear them say the words: “I will do [task] by [deadline]”. The easiest way to get there is to invite this commitment. “Did I hear you say that you could get [task] done within the next week? Are you comfortable committing to that?”

Always follow up

The more important the task, the more critical follow up is. Check-in on the person that you’re depending on, ask them how things are progressing. Not sure how to do so without sounding pushy? “Hey, [person], wanted to see how [task] was progressing. Any curve-balls?”

Make it easy for the person to admit that they bit off more than they can chew and that they might need help. We’ve all been in the position of not getting something done because it’s a lot harder than we expected. We lie low, hoping everyone will forget about it. By reaching out with a gentle reminder and offering to help, you’ll show that you haven’t forgotten ​and​ that you’re willing to pitch-in, giving them a graceful way out.

Be confrontational (but in a nice way)

Despite your best efforts, you’re going to work with people that consistently over-commit and fail to meet even the most gracious deadlines. The best you can do is take the time to confront them, and kindly tell them how you feel. Your coworkers aren’t mind readers. If you’re frustrated, say so. If you’re disappointed, say so. If you ​really​ value the relationship with this person (or simply know that you’re going to be working with them often), invest in the relationship by showing a willingness to have a hard conversation.

Be specific, be honest, and be willing to let it go after you’ve talked about it. Try to end the conversation in a way that avoids hard feelings. Your goal is peaceful cohabitation and a mutual understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable. Unless you’re 100% sure you’ll never need this persons help again, don’t burn bridges. If they repeat their bad behaviors, then consider taking the issue to management with the knowledge that you’ve sincerely tried to work it out with them directly and they clearly need additional support (and possibly disciplinary action).

The best test of a leader is whether or not they can hold influence with people that don’t have to do what they say. You can’t fire your coworkers, instead you find ways to work towards a common purpose. Don’t be discouraged by challenges or setbacks. Working closely with others is often frustrating (ask anyone with siblings).

Next time you’re working on a critical project, ask yourself:

Is it clear what needs to be done, who’s doing it, and what the deadline is?

Did you follow up with the person to make sure it stays on their radar and offering help?

Are you willing to have a hard conversation with the person if they fail to meet your expectations?

By taking ownership of how you can contribute to a better outcome, you’ll give yourself the chance to show true leadership by inspiring your peers to be their best selves.

Good luck out there.

-Patrick

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