Remember that UltraMantis Black Valentine’s card? They (plural!) are now a real thing that you can purchase and send to your confused loved ones. j-rexica (my partner at wrestlingfashion) made them (with permission of the great and devious UMB himself) and then went ahead and made a rad poster of Cesaro neutralizing a T. Rex. I have both of these things, and they are astonishing. Beyond, like, three t-shirts, these cards are the only physical permutation of Date with a Wrestler that yet exists. If merch for this page (buttons, perhaps?) is something you’re interested in, shoot me a message and I’ll see what I can do.

UltraMantis Black Valentine’s Card: $5

Cesaro Neutralizing T. Rex: $35

Available at Big Cartel. Alternately, if you’re a filthy anarchist, J. Rex might be willing to barter with you, physical-good-for-physical-good. Get with her.