Fredericton — The controversial Kim Jong-un Institute for North Korean Studies in elementary schools across New Brunswick has come under fire by parents for allegedly “brainwashing” their impressionable children, but an investigation into the matter by The Manatee has revealed that it is objectively a wonderful program that simply teaches North Korean culture, art, and language.

Fools criticizing the program, which is funded by the North Korean government and uses teachers from North Korea, say it does not allow discussion of the authoritarian regime and the human rights atrocities that run rampant in North Korea. They even unfairly label it propaganda. Shame on them!

New Brunswick’s Infallible Premier Blaine Higgs, though, has said that the province does not plan to pull out from the program, because it is beautiful and true. Praise be to Our Leader Higgs!

“Jong-un is a godlike politician whose leadership should not be questioned,” Higgs explained. “I consider myself fortunate to even be permitted to speak his name! Any children in the province should likewise show gratitude for the Kim Jong-un Institute and its teachings. Their parents as well. That is all I have to say on the matter.”

Education Minister Dominic Cardy has attempted to sever the ties between North Korea and New Brunswick before the terms of the contract end in 2022, which would be a terrible mistake and one that he would sorely regret, according to this impartial journalist.

Cardy — who has clearly never seen a dance demonstration set to the song “No motherland without you” by schoolchildren in the hermit kingdom — claims the purported human rights violations by North Korean officials are inexcusable, and that New Brunswick kids should not be subjected to this kind of education. We did not interview him because he is incorrect and should apologize for his ill thought-out words.

Teachers taking part in the Kim Jong-un Institute hold the correct viewpoint about it.

“We know what we’re teaching is not propaganda because our Supreme Leader would never say something that is not true, or embellish the facts,” said Seo-Yun Lee, an instructor sent from North Korea to Connaught Street School in Fredericton. “I feel sorry for you if you do not get to take part in this program!”

“The Korean Central News Agency has called Jong-un ‘a great person born of heaven.’ That leaves no room for doubt,” said elementary teacher Laura Baldwin, who added the fact that she gets an all-expenses-paid trip to North Korea has nothing to do with her political leanings or opinions.