“All relationship problems stem from poor communication skills”, say majority of mental health experts. People have begun to believe that communicating using the latest technologies is essential to their work, school, universities and social lives. However not all are as addicted as some of us are.

The desire to be ‘wanted’ ‘needed’ and to be ‘open’, is a common feeling among the younger generation. While the need to be private still exists, we actively seem to want the world to notice us in a strange sense of longing for attention. Researchers are beginning to suspect that the old joke about “not being able to put down the phone” does not seem to be funny anymore.

I must admit that most of us are addicted to some form of social networking sites as this gives some form of emotional satisfaction.

Danny Bowman tried to kill himself, as he was never satisfied with the selfies he took. He was obsessed with taking his selfies and posting it online. This led to severe anxiety that led to worrying excessively about his appearance, and being liked by all.

As we all know, Social networking sites are virtual communities where users can create individual public profiles and meet others on shared interests. Recent studies suggest that addiction to social networks may be a potential mental health problem for some users. Smartphones allow users to access social networking sites (SNSs) whenever and wherever they want. Such easy availability and accessibility may increase their vulnerability to addiction.

SNS are egocentric sites, where in the individual rather than the community is the focus of attention.

Personality factors played an important role in this form of addiction. A recent study in the USA revealed that while extraversion and openness to experiences were positively related to social media use, emotional stability was a negative predictor, controlling for socio-demographics and life satisfaction. While extraverted men and women were both likely to be more frequent users of social media tools, only the men with greater degrees of emotional instability were more regular users. Being open to new experiences emerged as an important personality predictor of social media use.

The main causes of mental dysfunction could be due to-

• Increasing amounts of time people spend online.

• Spending time chatting and browsing instead of constructive work, hence are less involved with their real life commitment and communities.

The most common types of internet addiction are as follows:

• Computer addiction (i.e., Computer game addiction )

• Information overload (i.e., web surfing addiction).

• Net Compulsions (i.e., online shopping or gambling addiction).

• Cyber sexual addiction (i.e., online pornography or online sex addiction).

• Cyber relationship addiction (i.e., addiction to online relationships).

• Social network sites addiction (Facebook addiction, 500 million users, and 50% log into it every day).

The Psychology of SNS addiction:

Extensive research conducted worldwide indicates that there is a biological reward that happens in the brain when people disclose information about themselves (Increases dopamine in the brain), that their thoughts are communicated to someone else instantaneously, and people approve of them immediately, which leads to an addiction like symptom. Many of us get a ‘high’ from increasing recognition on social networks, which is similar to a feeling when we take a stimulant like a psychotropic drug. This is turn leads to better self-esteem and self-worth. These are however false measures of feeling good, but when reality sets in anxiety, depression and other psychological issues begin to emerge.

Some of us are genetically predisposed to use of excessive amounts of potentially harmful tools such as sex, substances, food, social media etc. in order to relax and feel good within ourselves. Some others learn these through life experiences (Through peer pressure, need to be accepted by peers, nature vs nurture).

Research has also indicated that excessive internet use can cause depression, or people prone to depression tend to use social media often in order to seek help, or to reach out and look for social support. Depressive symptoms could get worse when people use it excessively as a way to escape and disconnect from their problems.

Personality Types:

Some personality types are more prone to addiction than the others. A few of them are:

Histrionic Personality Disorder: People with this type of a personality disorder enjoy and seek lots of attention. Their expressions are very shallow and their emotions are exaggerated. They use physical appearance to draw attention (Selfies). Their consider relationships more intimate than they actually are.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: They have a deep need to be admired, and has a grandiose sense of self -importance. They are often preoccupied with self-success, power, brilliance, beauty and love. They believe that they are special and unique. They enjoy being admired and praised by everyone. They tend to lack empathy, are envious of others, tend to have low self-esteem and are high on addiction.

Borderline Personality Disorder:These individuals have unstable self-image or sense of self, unstable emotions, are impulsive in their thought and behavior and have a sense of emptiness.

Dependent Personality Disorder: These individuals need constant reassurance, support and approval from others: they have difficulty expressing disagreement with others; feel very uncomfortable when alone, and are preoccupied with fears of being left alone.

Introverted – Shy people tend to spend large amounts of time on SNSs and have many virtual friends as they are afraid of real life demands and proximity in real relationships. Studies have shown that Extroverts use social media for social enhancement while introverts use it for social compensation. Those who are highly dependent on social media are high on narcissism and low on conscientiousness.

Negative fall outs of SNSs addiction.

• Low academic achievement- as time spend on SNS sites leave them little time to study or complete notes and projects.

• Decrease in real life social community participation as well as have relationship issues.

Many marriages have broken down due to one of the partner having a virtual affair, which gets emotional and sexual. The disclosure of private information including status updates, pictures and new friends can lead to jealous cyberstalking leading to divorce and further legal action. Any sort of negative feedback on any of the SNS sites can lead to low self-esteem. It has been proven that those who are high on Conscientiousness share lesser personal pictures, but share relevant articles to educate and cultivate contact without the need to share too much personal information publicly. Studies also indicate that Males are more daring in sharing information than females.

Common symptoms of SNS addiction:

• Depression (sad mood, crying spells, mood disturbance, negativity), Anxiety (palpitations, restlessness, increase smoking, fatigue, low energy levels), Psychosomatic illnesses (such as aches and pains). This in turn affects personal and professional life.

• Low self-esteem and low confidence in self is the most common cause for SNS addiction. Individual’s get an immediate ‘high’ when ‘likes’ increase and immediate ‘low’ when likes decrease. This is definitely a Dysfunctional coping mechanism (Escapism and avoidance).

Common Withdrawal Symptoms are:

• Fidgetiness, feeling isolated. Restlessness, a heavy feeling in the chest, intense palpitations, sad mood, angry outbursts, being irritable always, unable to relax.

Coping Techniques:

• Try and learn other forms of relaxation techniques.

• Achieve a reasonable balance between risk and opportunity.

• Better education in digital literacy.

• Better sense if individual audience.

• Self-control

• Self-respect

• Always be mindful of what we share about ourselves, remember this will also implicate others.

• Do not believe all that you see and read.

• Give space to grow and change.

• Believe in the real world rather than a world of fantasy.

• Face life and deal with it, rather than hiding away in the so called virtual world.

• Make a conscious effort not to check messages after a set time when at home.

• Do not carry work home – if unavoidable, work for as less time as possible. This is infectious and if not curtailed, home could become your work place.

• Children need love and affection expressed. This cannot be done if your thoughts are elsewhere and you are constantly tapping on the key board.

• Fix a time to socialize with friends and family and make sure this time is used only to be with your loved ones. If needed, leave your phone on answering machine. You can always return the call.

• Remember, children always follow and mimic their parents. Try and be a role model by reflecting on what your priorities are, before setting boundaries and guidelines for them.

• When speaking to your partner, your body language should indicate that you are listening to what is being said. If your BB beeps or flashes while you are enjoying time with him/her, please ignore rather than checking.

• When love is denied at home, it is human nature to search for love elsewhere. Extra marital affairs on the net have led to the failure of many a marriage.

• All of us need attention and communication is one of the means used to get it.The key for any healthy relationship is healthy verbal and nonverbal communication, ‘face to face’ – not through virtual messages.

Mary John

Consultant Clinical Psychologist

Licensed by DHA.

Member of American Psychological Association.