Lorenzo Lamas stars as a Bounty Tracker in the movie Bounty Tracker.

Bounty Trackers are like Bounty Hunters, except there were presumably already ten thousand other direct-to-video movies called Bounty Hunter (most of them also starring Lorenzo Lamas.)

Tragedy strikes early on when Lorenzo’s brother is murdered in cold blood. The tragedy is that the brother was still alive during the scene in the movie where Lorenzo attempts a Harvard accent. The fact that Lorenzo often resembles the lead in a Lifetime movie about David Foster Wallace only adds to the unspeakable tragedy of his brother surviving for a half hour of Bounty Tracker’s runtime.

Lorenzo must Track the ultimate Bounty: revenge. The previous line is unfortunately not nearly as stupid as any of the actual dialogue in Bounty Tracker. But as a plus, a lot of bad guys in pleated A.C. Slater pants are gunned down mercilessly.

Long before his hosting gig on Are You Hot? was deemed the nadir of civilization, Bounty Tracker made a respectable claim to the throne. Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and thousands of rounds of spent ammo for Bounty Tracker.



Written by: Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, Conor Lastowka, and Sean Thomason

Contributing writers: Zachary Shatzer and Jason Miller