It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!

Ladies’ Code – Set Me Free

Yay for wearing seatbelts and yay for having a song that isn’t turgid boring slop for a change. It’s not quite up there with their pre-accident stuff but I support this big step in the right direction. Now if we can just stop casually pointing the guns at our own faces, I think we’re good and I can stop worrying about them.

Tiffany Young – Run For Your Life

Although it lacks a proper chorus, it’s still definitely the best song Tiffany’s had since leaving SM just because it’s fairly unusual-sounding and not the usual blues-based crap she’s been doing until now. It wouldn’t hurt her to go a little further in this direction.

ONF – Why

As it happens, ONF’s “Complete” at half-speed is only half as much fun.

EXO – Bird

This probably isn’t the official video for EXO’s new Japanese single, I’m sure the Japanese probably aren’t even going to let yucky westerners like me watch it. Can’t say I feel like I’m missing much though.

Jung Daehyun – Aight

Characterless funk which is big on groove but low on melody and hooks.

Ateez – Wonderland

A brazen and bizarre clone of Blackpink’s “Kill This Love” right down to the marching band, big brass riffs and U-turn section at the end that isn’t developed very well and ends too quickly.

Ateez – Sunrise

Their other song is something completely different, with an odd guitar line driving the chorus, but it’s also a lot more ordinary.

Stray Kids – Double Knot

This song has a cool atmosphere with that eerie, whiny ambience in the verse, but the big chorus riff that’s supposed to kick ass sounds like someone chopped part of it out with the volume knob and the end result is the song sounds like it’s holding something back.

AB6IX – Blind For Love

Nothing special but I’m enjoying the consistent pace and lack of a stupid drop somewhere.

Great Guys – Be On You

“Mediocre guys” would be more accurate but I suppose that wouldn’t look as good on the monthly brand rankings chart or whatever.

Heize – Falling Leaves Are Beautiful

That girl who sounds exactly like everyone else returns with a song that’s just like all her others.

Jerastar – She’s Not At Home

On the other hand Jerastar sound like nothing else except Jerastar, but unfortunately they don’t have a good song this week either.

Kei – I Go

Everything about this is pretty and boring, from Kei’s new hair, to the filigree-draped video sets, to the Lovelyz-at-half-speed song.

Hwasa x Woogie – In The Fall

Absolutely terrible jazz ballad wank.

Lee Jaejin – Love Like The Films

Why do they need eight amplifiers when there’s only two people with instruments.

Xydo – Spotlight

Yeah this isn’t very interesting.

Like a Movie – I Want You

The song is nice and perky but as a colourblind person this video triggers me and is problematic.

Thornapple – Romanesque

Bluesy rambling bullshit for people way older than me.

Royeon, Bian – Lean On Me

Power ballad boredom.

Paul Kim – Empty

He sings the whole crappy song to a log in his room. The “log lady” from Twin Peaks would be horrified. Log rights!

Ccola ft. Junggigo – War

Not much music happening here but the video sure is great.

Advanced ft. Shaun – My Bad

The main differences between Shaun and Nilo are that Shaun’s songs are consistently at least okay, and Shaun’s also pretty good about having random girls in his video for no reason. Support Shaun oppar because there’s probably a lot of girls in Korea trying to break into modeling who need employment. Better that they be in a Shaun video than wind up working in some club getting their drinks spiked. It’s a tough business, man.

Jang Deok Cheol – See You Later

If you have more than three post it notes in your life at any one time, you’re just a disorganised cunt and you need a proper filing system.

Ha Yea Song – Another Love

Yeah another dull ballad with a drama video where someone gets hit by a car or something.

Pizzagirl ft. Aseul – Goodnight

A little too floating and ambient for its own good, it sounds nice but it’s hard to pick the melodies out of the keyboard mush.

9duck – Still Feel You

I’m completely convinced that the woman in this video isn’t acting whatsoever, and she really is as traumatised as she looks by this downtempo bullshit.

Wine Loop – Seesaw

More very unexciting music.

Nell – See U In Five

Slight Britpop vibes in this incredibly crap song from the kings of boring average Korean rock music.

Hyungdon & Daejune – Mumble

Just because they know it’s crap doesn’t mean it suddenly isn’t.

Hyungdon & Daejune – Back 2 Me

I assume they’re being relatively serious with this one but it’s just as bad.

Kind, Loopy, Ha Dong Qn – Never Forget

Never forget that songs that sound like this weren’t what got you interested in k-pop in the first place, so you shouldn’t accept them now.

Chain Reaction – In The Beginning

It’s good to hear some Korean rockers really going for it for a change. The total lack of melody is a bit wearying though, some sort of melodic line in the chorus would have made this amazing.

Damye ft. Samuel Seo – Lonely Boy

Warning sign: singing in green fields.

Ovan – Missed Call

Don’t call back, just block the number.

Moonband – Uzzuzzu

Worth listening to just for the hilariously bad guitar solo.

Leewoo – Breakup

You’ll find another girl. Chin up, stop being so fucking morose and wait until you’re feeling happier before you record something else thanks.

NC.A, Hynn – No You, No Me

There must be a lot of breakups in Korea for there to be a demand for so much of this bullshit.

Wisue – Forever Shining

Okay so it’s still a shit song but at least there’s no crying at the end of this one.

Eian – Runaway

One for the “girl doing random shit in a video for no reason” collection.

George – Nuclear Family

In Australia there was a reasonably successful band in the 90s called “George” and they were pretty shit and me and my friends always used to make fun of how much they sucked. However after listening to the Korean George, now I feel like we were unnecessarily cruel. Sorry, Australian George, you were pretty fuckin’ shit, but you were better than this.

Kim Bumsoo – True

If you’re going to sing a boring song on a bus at least shoot some JAV or something.

Collective Arts, Youngmin ft. Moon Ahyun – Black Hole

This type of jazz certainly is a black hole.

Verivery – My Beauty

I put this in even though it’s for an OST because it was requested a whole bunch, but even though it’s not a ballad doesn’t mean I think it’s suddenly any good.

Song Gain – Tears

This is a cover of a song in my favourites of the Dark Ages list but the original is better, just because the over-the-top vocal delivery here makes it a really unpleasant listen.

ms. isohp romatem – The One Who Lost The Empty Matchbox

Some absolutely terrible Visual Kei thing with the usual cringe falsetto this style almost always has, and muddy guitars. There’s a reason why Korea’s pop music took off globally and their other styles didn’t.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

K-Tigers – Fancy/Come And Get It (remix) Taekwondo dance version

Twice’s “Fancy” is a great song and it’s arguably even better with a whole room full of martial arts kids singing along and doing their own Taekwondo version. This is what k-pop is made for.

That’s all for this week’s roundup – Kpopalypse will return next week with more songs!