ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Popular secular figure Jesus Christ has told reporters this morning that he’s fielded many ‘foul-mouthed’ and ‘mean-spirited’ phone calls from Liberal Party members today in the wake of the Victorian election.

Mr Christ, who took time out of his busy morning of eating party pies in a hammock to speak to The Advocate, said that the Liberals are accusing him of answering their prayers of the Labor Party instead of theirs.

“Phillip Ruddock called me a ‘pinko cocksucker’, then hung up on me,” he said.

“So strange. We used to be good mates. Then all of a sudden, they’re all off me. Even Malcolm rang me, which he never does, and we had a good chat about things. Kayaking and bull sharks mostly. I said he wasn’t going to be eaten by one, he need not worry, I have another plan for him,”

“Bill rang too. But yeah. Not much to talk about. He tried to talk sports but we both knew it was pointless. Oh wait, ScoMo is calling. I’ll ring you back after.”

The Liberal Party has yet to respond to requests for comment on Mr Christ’s sentiments.

More to come.