I haven’t heard much about Meghan Markle lately. What’s up with her? Charlotte, by email

Yes, what is up with Meghan Markle? She’s like Pokémon Go: one minute the newspapers couldn’t stop writing about her, and the next she seemed as elusive as a Mawile from Gen 3 Pokémon and, yes, I did have to Google that (summer 2016 was a long time ago, people). Well, it turns out that Meghan is very busy indeed: she is feuding. Yes, feuding!

Play Video 2:54 When Meghan met Harry: what you need to know before the royal wedding – video

When Markle’s engagement to Prince Harry was announced, there was general crowing about how excitingly modern Britain clearly now is, given that a mixed-race woman was allowed to marry who she liked and not be racially abused. Wow, yay Britain! Amazing! Cutting edge! But there was also concern. Yes, concern!

Much anxiety was expressed in the media about how the Duchess of Cambridge was feeling about this development. She was probably really miffed that another woman was getting attention, wasn’t she? That’s a totally common reaction from a 36-year old woman to news that her brother in law is getting married. Also, Meghan is really thin and pretty, isn’t she? And Kate is now pregnant with her third child, she feels super fat and gross, and that has probably made her feel even more threatened by Meghan. No wonder, one female columnist wisely noted, Kate was looking “tired”. OK, so this might have more to do with her pregnancy, but “who could blame her if she felt some apprehension at Meghan’s whirlwind appearance on her turf?” I must say, it’s always so illuminating to read certain journalists on the royal family, not for any insight they give about the royals, but for how much they reveal of themselves.

But now Meghan has a whole new feud on her hands. No sooner had she completely vanquished passe pregnant Kate than a new warrior emerged in the sunlight. It’s Princess Eugenie, daughter of someone! (Fergie? Anne? Whatevs.) Eugenie has dared to get engaged and will also be getting married this year, meaning it is, as one headline put it: “The Battle of the Windsor brides.” “Will Meghan or Eugenie carry off the crown for the wedding of the year?” the newspaper asks. Again, totally the way adult women think!

Play Video 1:23 Meghan Markle laughs off award mix up – video

I’m always intrigued at the way the media – and, let’s be honest, the world – acts like women are constantly in competition with one another. Oh, those ladies! Each one wants to be the queen bee; if you bring another woman in they’ll start throwing Maxi pads at one another! It is just really striking how it’s only Meghan and Kate, or Meghan and Eugenie who are considered to be in competition, never Harry and Will, or Harry and – excuse me as I Google and pretend to care about who Princess Eugenie is marrying – Jack Brooksbank. But of course, that makes sense, as everyone knows that men are never competitive with one another and there definitely isn’t a multibillion industry called “sport” that is heavily based on men being in pointless competition with one another. No, it’s only women who are constantly comparing themselves to one another, constantly picking pointless fights with one another. Bless their childish ways! Thank heavens for all the grown-up men around to smile indulgently at us as we rip each other’s hair out.

Everyone loves a female feud. Heck, one of my favourite shows this year is literally called Feud, about the (genuine) long-term feud between the mighty Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. But Crawford and Davis are goddesses, and there really was only room for one of them. For us mere mortal women – and I am sorry to burst your bubble, guys – we’re generally happy just to have some female company around. There is always room for another woman or 10 at my table.

So here’s to you, Meghan. I hope that you, Kate and Eugenie are happily holed up in a palace somewhere, hooting uproariously at the coverage about you, drinking cocktails and swapping tips about how to cope with all those corgis.