Did you have an orgasm today? Well, did you? I’m not being brash, this is the question your smartphone could be asking as part of your routine health monitoring.

Given that our phones can tell us how many steps we take, record our calorie and alcohol intake, sleep quality, heart rate and even fertility, it was only a matter of time before the digital age turned its prying eyes to our sex life.

Oh yes. Algorithmic analysis of your orgasms is here and, if you use the resulting data correctly, you could have more of them, and quicker.


At least that’s the idea behind app Ohmibod, which lets you log and track your orgasms. Ever wondered what time of day you are more likely to climax quicker (no, me neither)? The app, which launched in 2013 but has recently been updated with the orgasm tracker, will figure it out.

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It calls it your O-zone. There are even bar charts and graphs, for those who get excited by that sort of thing.



The app was developed by US husband and wife team Suki and Brian Dunham. ‘Studies show that orgasms help you sleep better, regulate appetite and can improve your complexion,’ says Brian. ‘So it is important to track that on some level.

‘You can say, “In the past 30 days I’ve been in a great mood and my skin has been great and oh look, I had 15 orgasms.” Users can look at their data and make correlations between how sexually active they are and other factors such as mood.’

The app can’t tell if you’ve had an orgasm so you have to tell it by hitting a smiley face.

You can make notes on how good it was and send them on to your lover. Well, no one smokes after sex these days, so we have to do something, right?

Ohmibod not only tracks orgasms but can bring them about. When paired with toys in its Blue Motion range, the app turns your phone into a remote control that can create all manner of vibrations by touching, tilting or even voice commands.

A function of Ohmibod is that you can connect to other users and allow them to take control. This was designed with long-distance lovers in mind – an upgrade on phone sex, if you will. And there’s no reason couples can’t use it when together.

If she wants an early night and he wants to watch Match Of The Day, she can cosy up to her Blue Motion while he controls it from in front of the box – romantic.

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Handing control of your vibrator to a third party raises another possibility – real-time virtual sex with strangers. That might sound instinctively seedy but Ohmibod reckons it will take off.

‘Some women like that a stranger could be controlling her vibrator,’ says Suki. ‘It allows the ultimate intimate experience in the safest way possible, like Tinder with touch.’

There is a noun for these sex toys – teledildonics and, believe me, you will see more of them. Next month Anne Summers launches WeConnect, an app that links to its Nova toy and is controlled by a designated phone.

Unlike Ohmibod, it has a chat and video function so if you get bored of the endless vibration variations at least you can enjoy a conversation.



Having decided to pop my teledildonic cherry, did I have any revelations? Well, it took me an hour to pair it and charge it, which could be a passion killer if I had a lover at the other end of the world waiting. And I can report that I established no ‘O-zone’ pattern whatsoever.

I love data but it feels incongruous to apply mathematical analysis to a mammalian pleasure. With orgasm note-taking and Bluetooth pairing, sex is on the way to being geeky.

Technology facilitates most things but it can’t replicate touch and whim. Oh, and human attraction – that helps.

ICYMI: The OhMiBod I’m In Love With You video is here…

‘It’s like he’s here’ OHMIBOD users Nicola (30) and Eric (29) are lovers but live in different cities.

‘The first time we giggled our way through,’ says Nicola. ‘We talked on the phone as we used it but he suggested we use Skype next time because he likes the visuals. He says he likes to watch the fruits of his labour. ‘On Skype, I can see and hear him. It feels like he’s with me. It adds an intense level of thrill because I am not in control, he is. I don’t have to press any buttons. ‘Distance is hard but now we are always saying: “When are you home?” We can’t wait to use it together. It feels like I’m coming home to see him.’

Name and ages have been changed.

This article first appeared in Metro’s print edition.

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