Quality of Greek protests fail to impress British rioters

Greece has become the most recent country to enter the running for the Best Violent Protest prize, amid French criticism that the UK unfairly disadvantaged nations without a monarchy by poking the Duchess of Cornwall with a stick.

The Greek mob opened its protest against austerity measures yesterday with the expected strategy of petrol bombing and vandalism outside the parliament building in Athens, which police countered with a solid tear-gas defence.

However, in later rounds the quick-thinking rioters showed their true class and initiative by chasing and beating a government minister who happened to pop out for a souvlaki.

“The Brits have made it tough, definitely.” Said ring-leader Yiorgos Panapolos.

“But I think we still have a chance. We certainly won’t throw in the towel like the French have done. Plus we’ve burned down several luxury hotels, which they didn’t think of in London.”

Greece Austerity protests

Riots opened on Tuesday in Italy, on the news that Prime Minister Berlusconi would not be kicked out for debauchery and corruption, butit turned out to be a half-hearted affair – thanks in part to the perceived impossibility of topping the UK’s show-stopping finale last Thursday.

France, which held its own riots over retirement age back in September, was dismissive of the British coup.

“It doesn’t count,” said one former hooligan. “We dealt with our monarchy 200 years ago. We should hardly be penalised for it now.”

“It’s just sour grapes,’ said a British student. “The French have a reputation for laziness, and they’re just trying to excuse the poor quality of their protests.”

“Plus, we’ve played the equal opportunities card by letting disabled people get beaten up by the police. I can’t see anyone topping that, frankly.”