Sephora by OPI is offering a whole collection that I personally call “Chauvinist Shades of Winter.” It includes an orange-red color called “Lost Without My GPS” and a deep black one named “What’s a Tire Jack?” It was also responsible for the outrageously catastrophic “Domestic Goddess,” “Iris I Was Thinner,” “How Many Carats,” “I’m With Brad” and “Never Enough Shoes.”

But they are not alone: The brand Essie has started “No Pre-Nup,” “Where’s My Chauffeur,” “Trophy Wife” and “Show Me the Ring.” China Glaze has released “Man Hunt,” “Limbo Bimbo” and “Marry a Millionaire.” Deborah Lippmann has “Before He Cheats.” Color Club makes “It’s Raining Men.” One of OPI’s most popular colors is a shade of red that they have called “I’m Not Really a Waitress.” And Spoiled has a nail polish named “Daddy’s Credit Card.”

Last year, one of the top-selling nail polish brands in Brazil decided to contribute to the anti-feminist global movement in nail polish names. The collection is called “Homens Que Amamos” (Men We Love), and it’s distasteful enough to compete with the world’s most famous brands: It celebrates the great deeds of our heroic husbands and boyfriends. There’s a bright orange shade called “André Has Made Our Dinner,” a purple one named “Leo Has Sent Me Flowers,” a dark gray one called “Zeca Has Asked Me Out” and a silver one named “Guto Has Proposed to Me!!” (with two exclamation points). The collection’s slogan is: “The No. 1 topic of our conversations,” which is, of course, men, “in six colors that will set tongues wagging.”

After decades of research, nail polish designers have apparently come to this 19th-century conclusion: Women are vain, daydreaming creatures with a weak sense of humor and no ability to perceive that they’re being manipulated. Our life is entirely devoted to men. We need to hold a guy so desperately that we put all of our efforts in one pricey bottle of a sparkling magic potion that our manicurist applies while casting a voodoo love spell. If we choose “Romantically Involved” or “Happy Ending,” instead of a mere “Orange Orange,” maybe we’ll get lucky tonight.

In the spirit of giving, my friends have promptly brought in other suggestions of names for the Men We Love collection. For the next season, the brand could go with “Carlos Has Washed His Own Underwear, Hallelujah,” “Pedro Has Recognized His Child,” “Lucio Has Paid His Alimony” and, last but not least, “João Didn’t Hit Me Today (and I Surely Deserved It).”