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As this year comes to an end, we are left to consider the epidemic of fake news, propping up a moral panic around violence against trans-identified people, aimed at distracting us from addressing real issues that exist in the real world. Teen Vogue thankfully has noted that, in fact, trans-identified people are thriving, which makes sense, particularly because so many of them are just regular people, like anyone else, and are quite often simply financially successful men. In reality, the people who are really thriving, thanks to the trans trend, are non-profits, media, Big Pharma, unethical doctors and psychiatrists, and other companies trying to cash in on individuals struggling with mental illness, social pressure, gender roles, homophobia, family problems, trauma, self-esteem, sexual fetishes, and the regular trials and tribulations of adolescence. With the holidays approaching, we know it’s important, though, to spend our dollars supporting nonsensical, sexist trends. As such, Teen Vogue has curated a list of the best gifts for people who who enjoy things like wearing clothing and telling time, but also who have been told their bodies are wrong and that the best way to resolve this is by destroying said bodies. Here are a few of their best picks.

Triangles Swim Top or Binder

Rebirth Garments creates clothing and accessories that are uncomfortable and purposeless. This is an example of one of their swim tops that also functions to compress women’s breasts, thereby restricting breathing and lung capacity, which is helpful and empowering as breathing and lung capacity are completely irrelevant to swimming.

$75

Hidden Candy Boutique Tucking Gaff

Hidden Candy Boutique is owned and operated by a man who has fetishized female objectification. A “gaff,” apparently, disguises a man’s penis so that he can post porny photos on his Instagram account, attracting other men who have spent too much time watching what porn companies commonly refer to as “tranny porn.” Why the porn industry has yet to be called out on their transphobia is a real mystery. $20 Stealth Bros & Co Original Dopp Stealth Bros & Co sells travel bags to carry hormone replacement therapy medication and needles for people who have been tricked into paying billionaire pharmaceutical companies thousands of dollars, for life, in exchange for sterility and increased risk of cancer. $25

Flat N’ Flawless Ultimate Scar Cream

Flat N’ Flawless is a cream marketed to women who have had cosmetic mastectomies. It promotes healing and reduces redness and inflammation of scars. Even if you haven’t had any cosmetic surgeries, this product works on the face and other body blemishes as well. It’s also a natural sunscreen, which is important for fresh scars. Ten per cent of all profits go toward Point of Pride, an organization that promotes gender stereotypes and the mutilation of perfectly healthy bodies, and gives away breast binders to girls and women who wish to avoid sexual objectification and have not been warned by these predatory organizations and activists about the physical harms of wearing breast binders.

$34.99

BatMe Cosmetics “Reservations” Lipglass Jayla Roxx is an African American man who owns a makeup company. He sells a line of vegan, cruelty-free makeup called BatMe Cosmetics. $7

Transguy Supply pStyle STP

Transguy Supply sells prosthetic penises and “Stand to Pee Devices” (STP) that enable females to pee standing up.

$12

Bianca’s Design Shop Transgender Pride Pin Perhaps you have a friend that loves pins and buttons that signal “politics” without having any politics, and could use a few more to add to their jacket or backpack. Bianca Negron’s designs cover all of the above. This designer from Queens, New York creates pins, patches, hats, keychains, and other accessories, like the Trans Pride Pin, which features ugly colours. $12 Bye Gender “Trans Is Beautiful” Special Edition Gold on White T Shirt Bye Gender, formerly known as Trans is Beautiful Apparel in conjunction with The Werk Those Pecs Fund, is an apparel company and community-based organization, whose mission is to help raise money for pharmaceutical companies, doctors, and cosmetic surgeons who should start saving now, in preparation for all the lawsuits they will face a decade from now, from people who destroyed their otherwise healthy bodies and were rendered sterile as they were told their problems could be resolved through multiple invasive, unnecessary surgeries and high doses of hormones. In November 2019, the Werk Those Pecs Fund was renamed to Bye Gender Trans Survival Fund. Shirts and pins can be purchased at ByeGender.com. A quarter of each purchase is redirected to the fund. $30 Ocelotls Trade Post Custom Hardware H Harness If a few of your friends have sexualized slavery, torture, abuse, and violence, then perhaps you might be interested in contributing to the normalization of slavery, torture, abuse, and violence monetarily. Ocelotls Trade Post is owned and operated by a young woman who identifies as queer and trans, who sells leather contraptions that are sure to make your desired partner either burst out laughing or run away screaming. $156 Nik Kacy Footwear Limited-Edition Dress Boot Nik Kacy Footwear was born out of a need for shoes people can wear on their feet. Owner and founder Nik Kacy grew tired of being unable to find men’s shoes in her size, so started making men’s shoes in small sizes. Kacy plans to release high-heeled shoes in men’s sizes in the near future. These boots were $400 but are now on sale for $275.

Sharpe Suiting Springtime Fling Suit Vest Sharpe Suiting creates customized, tailored formal wear for people. The suits can be made to fit women. The suits are also created to truly demonstrate the wearer’s vest, jacket, pants, and shirt preference. Each customer is treated with respect regardless of their personality and interest in wearing clothing. $265

Samuel James Watches Black Rose With Rose Gold Mesh Bracelet

Samuel James Watches are created for those who love to tell time. Ten dollars from each purchase is donated to SWERFy organizations like GEMS — Girls Educational and Mentoring Services and End Child Prostitution and Trafficking (ECPAT), but also to GLSEN, which advocates for boys to be able to compete with and against girls in sport, ensuring young female athletes can no longer compete on fair ground, and that boys be permitted access to girls locker rooms, washrooms, and hotel rooms.

$130

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Meghan Murphy Founder & Editor Meghan Murphy is a freelance writer and journalist. She has been podcasting and writing about feminism since 2010 and has published work in numerous national and international publications, including The Spectator, UnHerd, the CBC, New Statesman, Vice, Al Jazeera, The Globe and Mail, and more. Meghan completed a Masters degree in the department of Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies at Simon Fraser University in 2012 and lives in Vancouver, B.C. with her dog.