After snapping up the BBC’s unwanted F1 rights, Channel 4 has announced plans to bring coverage of the sport in line with the rest of its programming.

To that end, the first race of the season will be presented by Kirstie & Phil live in Australia where they will show an irritatingly indecisive couple around the track and then spend the rest of the race sitting in a pub drinking mineral water and listening to them witter on about how they really wanted a south facing kitchen.

For the second race of the season in Bahrain, the presenter will be Amanda Lamb who will show a retired couple from Sutton Coldfield around the local area before handing over to that other woman with the sweaty cleavage who will walk around some holiday homes within a short drive of the track until the race is over.

When the action arrives at the Grand Prix of Europe in June, the presenter will be Kevin McCloud who has been popping into the new Baku circuit throughout its construction in order to deliver solemn pieces-to-camera in which he suggests that it won’t be ready on time. On race day McCloud will be visibly irritated to find the project is completed before stepping aside so viewers can settle down to three hours of extremely slow, languid jib shots of the finished grandstands.

Not all of Channel 4’s F1 coverage will be property-based, however. The broadcaster has already announced plans to involve the team from hit show Embarrassing Bodies who will spend the entire season filming Bernie Ecclestone.