Death. Taxes. Chelsea beating Spurs. Hazard to Real Madrid. Life’s constants help ground us in reality, give us a reference point to hold onto when time and space distorts and someone turns the big donkey wheel at the heart of the island.

Of course the constant we’re talking about here are just rumors of Hazard going to Madrid, rumors that have existed well before Hazard decided to come to Champions League-winners Chelsea, and will no doubt exist well into the dim murky radioactive glow of a nuclear fallout future.

We may never know the actual truth of any transfer situation, but as far as Hazard’s concerned, we can safely assume that a) Madrid want him and b) Chelsea are not selling. The key then is c) What does Hazard want? As far as we can tell, all Hazard wants is to play, to win, and to have fun. We provide all three in abundance, plus good money, too (and a new contract this summer probably); there’s no reason for him to leave.

Here’s Kristof Terreur with the a) and the b).

Despite 'agreements' & a meeting with Real Madrid CEO Juan A. Sánchez, Chelsea's stance remains unchanged: Eden Hazard is not for sale. #cfc pic.twitter.com/3MuI7zpekb — Kristof Terreur (@HLNinEngeland) April 27, 2017

So despite silly reports of “agreements” like that one last night from Sport/Voetbalmagazine (built mostly on the constant chatter from the likes of Marca and other thinly veiled mouthpieces for Real Madrid), we can probably rest assured that Hazard isn’t going anywhere just like the previous four summers. I say “probably” because you never truly know and no one can actually tell the future, but the likely outcome here is the status quo rather than a world-record transfer.