Help me help you, Bills fans.

Your 2-0 start has brought out the worst in some of you.

You're getting crazy notions again, demanding more Bills coverage in the Times Union. One of you left voicemails for the sports department that would make even a potty mouth like Ron Jaworski blush. You're trotting out that old "New York's only true team" line, and referring to last year's score against the Patriots (a 38-30 loss) as a reason the Bills could win this weekend.

Awwww.

Look, I don't want you to get hurt here. It's admirable to stick with your team through thick and thin, to endure years of pain as those Super Bowl appearances start to get all hazy and fade like the numbers on your Thurman Thomas jersey.

But when Brian Noe, host of "The Noe Show" on 104.5 WTMM, did a segment recently about which regional team has the most delusional fans, guess who came out on top?

I talked to several of you this week, trying to understand why you cling to hope and Bills' pride. This isn't about mocking you. It's just about bringing you back to reality, settling this silly "Bills don't get enough respect" debate and preserving the innocent ears of the sports department.

They say: The Bills are the only true New York team.

Susan Coffey, a lovely 82-year-old lifelong Bills fan who lives in Slingerlands, made this case in a letter to the department. She was upset that the Week 1 Jets' win made the cover of the sports section while a story about the Bills' handling of the Chiefs ended up inside. I had a great time talking to you, Mrs. Coffey, and I feel a connection with any woman who will scream at her television when her team is on. But let's not get hung up on state borders.

East Rutherford, N.J. = 21/2-hour drive

Ralph Wilson Stadium = 5-hour drive

And Buffalo is practically in Canada. They play some of their "home" games in Toronto. So are they really New York's team? Are they even America's team?

They say: Our quarterback went to Harvard, and it takes a lot of smarts to be a good QB.

Unfortunately, kids, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Tom Brady won't be taking the GREs on Sunday. They'll be playing football. Mrs. Coffey went one step beyond this and said Fitzpatrick is as good a quarterback as Brady. If you think that's a wild statement, consider this about her history: "I grew up in western New York, and my family warned me if I ever, ever became a Giants fan, they would disown me." Her loyalty is necessary for family unity, so I'll give her a pass. And maybe Fitzpatrick will end up at the Hall of Fame one day. To watch Brady's induction.

They say: We almost beat the Patriots last year.

This argument was made by Jacqueline DeChiaro, an elementary school principal in Cohoes and a Bills season ticket holder who's been a fan since the early 1980s when she'd watch with her Buffalo-native dad. She has a 17-year-old son who she's taught to love the Bills, but he's never seen them be successful. He just missed the glory (but just short of the Lombardi Trophy) years.

The near-win last year DeChiaro's talking about came in Week 3, and the score was 38-30 Patriots. I'm a sucker for underdogs, so I remember being proud the Bills hung in like that. But let's not forget that the second time they played the Pats, in Week 16, the Bills lost 34-3. Fitzpatrick could do the quick math and tell you that's losing by almost four times as much as before.

They say: The Bills have a bunch of no-name players, and it will work to their advantage.

Bless you, Bryon McKim, a longtime Bills fan who started the Albany Bills Backers, a group that meets to watch games at McGeary's Pub in Albany. When I talked to you about the lack of stars on the team, you said, "Maybe it's a better thing that you don't have these big-name guys that have been getting all the media attention. It's really a team that has been sticking together and playing together, and I think that may be the difference." And you know why players become stars? Because they're good, and their teams are successful.

They say: The Patriots game is at home, which gives the Bills an advantage.

"Maybe the lake wind will help," McKim said.

Sure, count on that cool Canadian air. Maybe Stephen Gostkowski will miss a bunch wide right.

Reach Jennifer Gish at 454-5089 or jgish@timesunion.com. But keep it clean, Bills fans.