I only know what the great mass of humanity knows about 50 Shades Of Grey, which is to say I know the salacious cuts condensed in Buzzfeed articles designed to condense salacious cuts. Except this dark enterprise has sold, like, a hundred million copies, so maybe I’m actually the one on the outside here. Things worked out alright for me, all things considered - there is the occasional rough patch - but in terms of cultural ingress, I will never accomplish anything even remotely on that scale. I’m perfectly okay with that, by the way. But if I’m gonna talk shit, I should at least include a footnote somewhere about who is actually holding the whip.

Gurb had found an article somewhere talking about how “The Tampon Scene” had been excised from the movie, and I didn’t know what that was, so he steeled himself to relate it. I imagine it happening in his mind, a grounding process, like when a Siege Tank converts into a stationary bombardment platform; putting down stabilizing roots. He proceeded to relate in a halting, staccato fashion the supposedly haunting nature of this “scene” with a meaningful pause hitched to the end of the phrase, and it was in this bleak realm that he expected me to be torn asunder. I shrugged. Shit on that scale isn’t even detected by my apparatus.

I have to admit that did I become tantalized at the prospect of using the form “X Scene” because anything you put in there is unfolded by the individual in whatever way would be worst, utterly independent of anything on my part, you Goddamned Perverts.

We have PAX East business to attend to, so let us be about it:

- For the first time ever, we have established a protocol for a Two Player, Co-Operative Storytime to kick off the show this year: Dan Connors and Kevin Bruner, co-founders of Telltale Games. I’m pretty cranked up for this. I’m going to see which of them decided to kill Duck, and then I’m gonna set my jaw, shake my head, and say “No, It’s cool. It’s cool. Whatever.”

- The PAX East Indie Showcase has a mission to expose excellence slash crazy shit on mobile platforms, and it’s back at it this year. We extend free space at the show to those selected, so please stop by their zone and help them make the most of it.

- Our Q&A Engine requires fuel in the form of Qs, and attendees are the chief source of this mysterious substance. Fill up this Q&A Form with rich, marbled questions that can withstand the heat. “Stoke our Answer Furnace,” etc.

(CW)TB out.