Nesbit, who is helped by Jane Arnett, another former player’s wife, tries to keep the site as private as possible, guarding against voyeurs. Though Nesbit provided a variety of screen grabs of discussions and posts, with the names of the writers removed, she declined to allow The New York Times full access. Quotations from posts were used only with the writer’s permission.

Image A post from a private Facebook page for wives of current and former N.F.L. players.

She allowed The Times this exclusive glimpse to highlight what many spouses, so often seen but not heard, talk about and experience behind the scenes of the country’s most successful, sometimes most polemical, sports league.

Nesbit’s background helped win the women’s trust. Her husband played in three cities and was for a time on a series of one-year contracts, so she understands how precarious an N.F.L. career can be. She spends hours a day making sure the page is up-to-date and the tone is civil.

While many women ask for advice on where to find good doctors and how to navigate paperwork to secure health benefits, others delve deeper. Some women ask if football is worth the money and fame, and express worry that the game will wreak havoc on their husbands’ brains.

Alison Owens has shared her thoughts on these tough questions. Her husband, Terry, who played 10 seasons with the San Diego Chargers in the 1960s and 1970s, died in 2012 and was later found to have chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or C.T.E., the degenerative brain disease that has been linked to repeated hits to the head. Owens took care of her husband during his last years, as his dementia advanced, but she did so with no advice from other wives.

Now, on the Facebook page, she helps other wives sidestep some of the mistakes she made, providing tips on everything from selecting the right bed for a husband who is losing his mobility to ensuring that you have a valid power of attorney.