Domestic violence is the ugly reality in our midst. It can happen to anyone, and transcends all cultural and economic boundaries. Domestic abuse is considered the dirty little secret in many a household.

And when we think of domestic violence, the female victim immediately comes to mind. It's hard to wrap our heads around men suffering the same traumas, yet research shows men suffer domestic violence, too. Acccording to the Canadian Women's Health Network, "there is ample evidence that both genders have capacity for violence...abusers and their victims come from all genders, races, classes, religions, and regions," and even same-sex relationships.

Just recently a Pakistani man died from his injuries after his girlfriend threw acid on him for refusing to marry her. This disturbing story gets our attention because of the very reason we tend to think only women are victims, and that they never attack.

But they do. Domestic violence against men is frequent and significant, and a rarely acknowledged fact.

The most recent Canadian data on the topic of self-reported domestic abuse shows that men and women suffer equal rates of domestic violence. It’s a human issue, not a gender issue – anyone can be a victim but not everyone can get help.

“Domestic violence comes in many faces,” says Justin Trottier, executive director for the Canadian Centre for Men and Families (CCMF). “We’ve long known that domestic violence victims span all ages, races and ethnicities. Now we’re becoming aware they also span all genders and sexual orientations. Yet fathers and their children experiencing abuse often have no place to go.”

Resources are scarce but they do exist. In Toronto, for example, a new support group for male victims of domestic violence has begun meeting at the Centre for Men and Families. “Men are significantly underserved in terms of accessing counselling, crisis centres, victims services and domestic abuse shelters, according to the Statistics Canada 2014 General Social Survey on Victimization,” adds Trottier.

According to author Philip Cook, of abusedmen.com, while public and media awareness has grown over the years and it’s being treated as a serious matter, “there is very little consideration for violence against men and fewer resources.”

Domestic violence against men and women is a persistent problem but not a growing one, says Cook a U.S.-based author of Abused Men - The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence. “One reason for the decrease in male against female domestic violence must surely be attributed to the good work of many people to provide shelters, intervention, counseling for women in need of escape and support.

"Such resources should also be made available to male victims and we would likely also see further significant decreases in partner violence against women.” An escape valve in place for men should result in less violence against women.

John, father of two, who asked that his last name not be used, was in an abusive relationship for 3-1/2 years and had nowhere to turn. The abuse John says he suffered escalated from verbal and emotional to physical violence and financial abuse. “In the last couple of months before I left, there were incidents where she came at me with a knife and threatened to kill me on multiple occasions.”

The experience of being in a violent and abusive relationship also left him estranged from his sons and, he admits, feeling totally alone. He sought out and joined a support group. “This new support group is giving me the understanding and the tools to rebuild my life and my relationship with my sons.”

Dan, 45, ended his marriage after being “punched, stabbed with pen, struck by a car, threatened to kill me, just to name a few incidences.”

He stayed because of religious morality pressures from the church, and his children. In discussing what happened to him, he admits he feels that society perceives him as weak and cowardly, and running from family obligations.

“Abuse is abuse and it can happen to anyone. It’s not gender specific. Men can feel free to come out and admit it if they have been enduring abuse. They are not weak, nor cowardly. The more that come out, the more awareness to this reality is enhanced.”

According to Ellen Campbell, of the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA), “all victims of violence experience stigma, but men are especially likely to go untreated given male socialization that discourages men from seeking help, and sometimes punishes them when they do.” The CCAA is a national organization that has assisted over 200,000 children, women and men affected by abuse.

Reporting domestic abuse can be problematic, adds Trottier, of menandfamilies.org. “Men have often been punished or even revictimized when they spoke up. Police might arrest them as the perpetrator, taking them away from their children. Support agencies might subtly or explicitly send signals that they are not welcome because programs are geared for women.”

“In recent years organizations like ours are giving positive messages instead which reinforce rather than punish men when they show the courage to speak up about their experiences.

“Our Centre exists precisely for men who feel hopeless because they have been unable to find what they need elsewhere. We can provide a variety of services in a welcoming, positive and non-judgmental environment.”

The new CCMF program offers a support group run by veteran male trauma psychotherapists Lynne MacDonell and Craig Bolton, individual trauma counselling for fathers and children, legal assistance, referral to shelters, and access to goods for families fleeing abuse such as clothing, hygiene items and products for children.