Someone should alert the Secret Service. An obviously unwell elderly man wandered out onto the White House lawn this morning and began babbling to everyone who was hanging out there. I mean, really, they have to get better at security around that joint.

Early this morning, the president* got on the electric Twitter machine and expressed surprise that his favorite Fox television program, Three Dolts On A Divan, was broadcasting live from just outside his house. (This was the day’s first line of pure bullshit, for those of you keeping score at home.) So, having announced his unannounced visit, the president* submitted to the intense questioning of Steve Doocy and then, somewhat surprisingly, to all the legitimate reporters who had congregated on the driveway from inside the White House press facilities.

At which point, the doors to the belfry swung wide open and the bats came out to frolic.

[Kim jong-Un] the head of the country — and he’s the strong head, don’t let anyone think anything different. He speaks and his people sit up in attention. I want my people to do the same.

(On the topic of his sucking up to Dear Leader)

I don’t want to see a nuclear weapon destroy you and your family.

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Trump says he wants people to treat him like North Koreans treat Kim Jung Un.



Really. pic.twitter.com/C0K7awpMIV — Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) June 15, 2018

(On the topic of separating families at the border. Pro Tip: Lie.)

I hate the children being taken away, that’s the Democrats’ law. I want the laws to be beautiful and humane…Tell your friends, the Democrats, to call me.

(On Paul Manafort, who was almost at the same time headed to the slammer on charges that he tampered with witnesses. Pro Tip: Big, honking lie.)

[Manafort] only worked for the campaign for a very short time.

(On the Inspector General’s report. Pro Tip: Big, honking lie that you could hear from space.)

I did nothing wrong. There was no collusion, there was no obstruction, and the IG report yesterday went a long way to show that. I think the Mueller investigation has been totally discredited.

More than the now-customary untruth and self-congratulation, the president* looked and sounded awful, wheezing like a man coming off a 14-day bender during which he’d accidentally stumbled into a ayahusca session on his way to KFC. This is not a good time for the old republic.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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