It was nearly impossible to focus on the road during her drive back to the apartment. Harper’s mind was lost in a fog the entire time, and her vision was clouded by the seemingly endless stream of tears that fell from her eyes. It felt like a miracle that she managed to make it back home in her current state.

She was so embarrassed, and so angry too. Maybe angrier than she’d ever felt in her life. Everything had completely gone to shit, even worse than it had before.

Erik still didn’t have a job. Her family hated her. And now she was back to having no money… Especially with her father docking her pay. We’re fucked. We’re completely fucked. What are we gonna do?! How are we gonna take care of our baby?! Her thoughts continued racing as she made her way down the hall toward her and Erik’s apartment.

Part of her almost wished she’d told her parents and grandmother about the baby. Maybe then they’d understand… Or at least, be willing to give her the money she so desperately needed. But Harper had been too caught up in her anger to say anything. And it’s probably better that I didn’t anyway… I bet it would’ve made things even worse! Her family tried meddling with her life and her choices enough already… She could only imagine how much worse it could get if they knew she was pregnant. What if they tried to do something drastic? What if they wanted to take her baby away from her?!

As she stepped through the apartment door, Harper found Erik sitting at their new computer, browsing Facebook, from the looks of it. The syringe left on the counter told her that he’d shot up not long ago, but she was unconcerned. He clearly hadn’t taken a big enough dose to start nodding off… Just enough to function, it seemed. To feel normal. That was one of the most heartbreaking parts of the whole thing — Erik’s body had grown so accustomed to the drugs that these days, he was more normal on the heroin than he was off of it.

It was so bittersweet to see him so calm and relaxed. On any other day, the sight would have seemed miraculous. But today, it also broke her heart. All the stress and worry she was hoping to save Erik from had come crashing back down on her, just like that. There was no escaping it now.

Who knew when he’d have another calm moment like this again?

Fuck. Harper wiped away her tears hastily, but it was too late. Erik had seen her.

“Harper? What’s wrong?” He was out of his seat in an instant, rushing to her side. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head slowly. “No. Not really.” She confessed.

“What is it? What happened?!”

“I guess it’s kind of a long story…” Harper bit her lip. She had to tell him the truth, didn’t she? No matter how angry she felt at him, something her father had said to her still echoed in her mind — No more lies. “Can we sit down?”

“Uh, s-sure.” Erik led the way to the couch, the fear apparent behind his eyes.

God, I hope he understands. Harper closed her eyes as she lowered herself gently onto the couch beside him. “So um, I, uh… I stopped by my parents’ house today.” She began nervously.

Erik’s brow furrowed in concern. “Uh oh.” He knew that things were still very strained between Harper and her parents.

“Yeah, um… I guess things didn’t go very well…”

“You guys got in another fight?” He asked.

She nodded. “It was awful. I fucked everything up… Everything’s ruined now.” Harper shook her head, blinking back more tears.

“What are you talking about?”

Shit. Here it goes… “So, um… Don’t freak out, okay?”

Erik said nothing.

“But like, remember all that extra money we’ve had lately?” Harper asked softly, watching as Erik nodded in reply. “I know I was kinda, like… vague about where it was coming from…” She paused for a moment. Why the hell was this so hard?! “But uh, the truth is, I got it from my Oma.”

He stared at her incredulously for a moment. “Seriously? Your Oma gave you all that money?”

“Um, well, not exactly…”

Harper felt her stomach drop as she watched Erik’s expression change from curiosity to horror. Damn it. I knew it! Just as she’d feared, he simply didn’t understand.

At last, he opened his mouth to speak. “You stole from your own Oma?” Erik’s voice was soft.

She hated how that word sounded: ‘stole’. But… that’s what she’d done, wasn’t it? Technically, at least. “I did.” She admitted.

“Harper, how the hell could you do that? That’s… terrible.”

“I know it probably seems that way… But I didn’t have a choice.” Harper explained, the desperation apparent in her tone. “We needed the money.”

Erik did not immediately reply. He stared down at the floor for several long moments before finally lifting his gaze to meet hers. “Shit. This is all my fault, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?”

He lowered his head in shame. “If I wasn’t such a goddamn screwup, you never would’ve had to do that. How many times have you resorted to stealing shit because of me? And now this?!” He buried his face in his hands, muffling his next words so much that the only one she could make out was “Fuck!” But that was all she needed to hear.

“Hey!” Harper leaned forward, placing her head against his shoulder. “Don’t talk like that. This isn’t your fault, okay? And you’re not a screwup!” She tried her best to ignore the tiny, resentful voice in the back of her mind that disagreed.

“I am!” Erik insisted. “I can’t find a job. I can’t stay clean… I’m a fucking trainwreck. And all I’m doing is bringing you down with me!”

“Shhhh.” She reached up, stroking her fingers through his soft hair. “It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna get better. You’re gonna find a job… We’ll be fine.”

Her boyfriend rubbed his tearing eyes. “You make it sound so easy.” He muttered.

“I know it’s not. But I know you can do it. For me.” Harper’s lips curled into a soft smile. “And… for our baby.”

“W-what?”

“You’re gonna be a Papa, Erik.” Her heart swelled with joy as she finally spoke the words out loud. “I’m pregnant.”

All the color seemed to drain from Erik’s face. “But you… you can’t be… I mean, we haven’t had sex in like… months.”

Harper hesitated. Here comes the fun part. “Well, I’m… already almost four months along.” She said softly.

“W-wait… What?! How long have you known?!”

“Um… A little more than two?”

“What the fuck?!” Erik was suddenly on his feet. “And you didn’t tell me?!”

Shit. I knew he’d freak. Fuck! “I know, I know! I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry! I just didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t wanna stress you out more than you already were…” Harper gently patted the empty spot beside her. “I fucked up. I know I did. But come and sit back down, okay? Let’s talk about this.”

“How the fuck can you sit there and be so calm?! Christ, Harper! You can’t keep something like this from me! Don’t you trust me?!”

Harper had never seen Erik so upset before. But he had to understand why she waited, didn’t he? “I’m sorry.” She said again, her voice soft. “I know it’s a lot to take. But… it’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?” Harper placed a hand on her stomach for a moment. “I know the timing kinda sucks… But we’ll figure this out. Together.”

“Figure it out? What the hell are you talking about?!” Erik snapped. “You’re not actually planning on keeping it, are you?!”

“What are you saying?! Of course we’re keeping it!”

“No, we’re not.” His voice was firm. “We can barely take care of ourselves! How the hell are we gonna take care of a kid?!”

Harper felt like she could barely breathe. What the hell was going on?! Why was he being like this?! “I don’t know, okay?! But we’ll figure it out!”

“Saying ‘we’ll figure it out’ isn’t good enough!” Erik cried. “That’s not how this works.”

“Look, we’ll handle it, okay? I mean, you’ll go back to rehab, won’t you? You’ve done it before. You can do it again!”

“Stop making it sound so fucking easy!” Erik cried. “What happens if I relapse again, huh? Then we’re back exactly where we started!” He paused, sighing heavily for a moment. “Look, maybe someday when we have our shit together — like, SERIOUSLY together — we’ll be ready for a kid. But we aren’t right now. Can’t you see that?”

“You can’t seriously be talking about giving up our child… We are keeping this baby and we’re raising it, Erik!’

“You’ve gotta be kidding me, right?! This isn’t some fucking goldfish we’ll have to feed once a day. We’re talking about raising a human being!”

“Yeah, a human being we made!” She was practically shrieking as she leapt up from the couch, placing one hand protectively over her stomach. “This is our CHILD! How can you talk about our baby like they’re some fucking puppy we can just leave in a box on the side of the road and ABANDON?!”

“I don’t wanna abandon it! I wanna give it a chance at having a good life! With parents who can actually take care of it! Is this really what you’d want for our baby? Being raised by a fucking junkie and a common criminal?!” Erik practically spat the words at her. “Nobody deserves that, okay?! Including our kid.”

Harper’s mouth dropped open. “A ‘common criminal’?! Is that what you think of me? Seriously?!”

“It’s what you’re turning into, Harper! You can’t be that fucking blind. You know it’s true!”

“Now wait just a goddamn minute! Five minutes ago you were going on and on about how this is all YOUR fault. And now it’s mine? Now I’m the criminal?!”

“Maybe we’re both to blame! I don’t fucking know!” Erik threw his hands in the air. “All I know is that we can’t handle being parents, Harper.”

Harper’s entire body was trembling. “Oh yeah? Well maybe we COULD handle it if you’d finally get off your fucking ass and go back to rehab instead of sitting around all day feeling sorry for yourself!”

“What the fuck did you just say?!”

“You can’t be that fucking blind!” Harper’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she spat his words back at him. “You know it’s true!”

BANG BANG BANG!

Before Erik could reply, the sound of heavy knocking filled the air, echoing around the entire apartment.

“Great… We probably pissed off the neighbors.” Harper muttered under her breath as she headed to the door.