No worries, when life gets too busy correspondence is always the first thing to fall by the wayside for me as well.



I think you hit upon the thing that really makes this story work: the suspense, the tension between your two heroines. So often expansion stories with two female leads just sort of degenerate into a game of "Tee-hee, no, I can get bigger, give me the potion/raygun/bottle of pills/magic rock back" (and I have to admit I've written more than a few like that myself, so I'm not saying it's all bad). But the fact that so much of the story involves them trying to one-up each other while the other one none the wiser keeps it interesting; it makes you wonder what's going to happen next aside from, they get bigger and sexytimes happen.



I'm glad my thoughts on the subject of enormous rumps proved useful, but you're the one who took a few thoughts of mine and really ran with the whole idea. I think you strike the perfect balance here, not being stuck on numbers too much, but not just going with "and then she got even bigger". Again, so often expansion stories can kind of fall into the trap where nothing is happening except the girl getting bigger, but this really felt like an action piece; the growth moved the plot along and the plot moved the growth, which really worked incredibly well.



I always worry about adding too much character detail at the beginning too, but the way I see it, it's kind of a promise you make to your readers. You're implicitly telling them that they need to know all this stuff that isn't necessarily sexy or interesting right now, but it will pay off later by making the story better. I thinkt hat especially when you've been writing for a while and a large portion of your audience already knows you and isn't thinking "Well, let's see if this is any good" but rather, "Oh good, another Treble Clef story; he's always a great read!" You can load a bit more of that on the front end of the story and still attract people because they expect that you're going to make it all pay off.



Anyways, I'm just blithering now, but truly, you do great work; I hope life is slightly less of a madhouse for you in only because I hope you have more time to write.