The anti-vaccination movement has grown increasingly vocal in recent years, with a variety of organizations and public figures attempting to convince parents that immunizing their children presents more risks than benefits. Here are the cases for and against vaccinating children:

PROS

Helps out pharmaceutical industry

Get to puncture child with needle

Old family syringe shop depends on it

Habituates children to the pain of existence

Flies in face of science by discrediting single unanimously refuted paper from 10 years ago

Healthier children equals friendlier waiters at Chili’s down the line

Could save a few million children’s lives

CONS

You have to go to a place

Chance of developing autism 100 percent

Puts the onus of character-building entirely on sports

Without suffering through diphtheria, the flu, and measles, American children will become effete, pampered do-nothings

Free lollipops promote unhealthy eating habits

Child won’t get to be kindergarten’s Typhoid Mary

Bullies parents into slavishly following actions recommended by decades of physicians’ peer-reviewed research that establishes an irrefutable scientific consensus