Today I opened a door to witness an ape with an arched brow sawing at the corpse of a large pheasant-like creature. Alarmed, I assumed that the bird-folk had attempted an invasion or assault upon my ape hosts, and that they were carrying out a corpse-defilement ceremony in retribution. I prepared for the next wave of assault when my ape hosts laughed at me, and explained the following about High-Ape culture:

Today on Earth, the dominant species of omnivorous apes are preparing for their annual feast wherein they attribute their survival and prosperity in the previous year to their Gods, and issue thanks to them for it (although a minority of them instead attribute the prosperity to their neighbors and issue thanks to them instead, or thank nothing in particular in perpetuance of the “giving thanks” cultural meme). In celebration, the apes ritualistically slaughter and eat ~45 million landfowl. Slaughtering the landfowl is no easy task, and usually requires two apes to pin the body of the bird to the soil, while one ape saws the head off with a small piece of sharpened metal. As the bird twists, cries, and gurgles on its own lifeblood, the apes are careful not to bruise it’s muscles as this will lessen the value of the carcass on the market. Then the bodies are purchased on the market, further dissected and soaked in various liquids before finally being heated under a flame. This process gives flavor, and facilitates the digestion of the landfowl’s muscle tissue. Finally, the apes gather with their clan units around the corpses, and thank their Gods before engaging in a communal feast.

My tailfeathers quiver when I imagine what The Monitors will do to the Children of Earth once my report reaches them.