Note: One NSFW screenshot in this one!

——————

I never realized before how much Brindleton Bay was starting to feel like home.

Not until Gigi and I came back from our visit to Germany. That was when it really hit me that I’d missed this place a lot more than I thought I would.

Windenburg’s always gonna be my REAL home, obviously. But who says you can’t have more than one?

I know things got off to kind of a rough start back when we first got here… But so much has changed since then. I just feel comfortable here now, I guess. I love all my classes. I love the city. And I love the people too. Especially my friends.

And that’s probably the most important part… feeling so connected to the people here helps me feel connected to the place too. It’s all intertwined.

I’m taking this really interesting seminar this semester — Close Relationships and Interpersonal Processes. And I guess that’s what’s got me thinking about all this. We’ve been talking a lot about romantic relationships and marriages, obviously. But lately we’ve been focusing on friendships too.

It’s got me really thinking about how important it is to have friends, y’know? Especially when things start getting shitty, and you need someone to help you make it through.

I’m happy that I can be that kind of friend for Tam and Jasper right now. It means a lot that they both trust me so much… But I’ll be honest — It’s hard not to start feeling the weight of all that crap too. Seeing them back at Christmas actually helped a lot. But it’s hard now that I’m so far away again.

Tam’s still ‘hanging out’ with that Taylor girl he told me about when I was back home. He still swears up and down that they aren’t serious, but apparently their list of ‘hanging out’ activities has been growing a lot lately…

And I’m trying really hard to be happy for him. It sounds like he really likes this girl a lot. Plus, he’s having fun. He’s doing what he can to stay happy. And I seriously think that’s awesome.

But it’s hard not to feel like… Okay, I know this is stupid. But I guess sometimes I start feeling like being happy for Tam kinda means I’m betraying my brother or something?

Especially knowing Jasper’s been having such a hard time.

It’s been two months since they broke up, and he’s still such a mess about it. I thought things were getting better, for a while. He went on a couple dates with some guy just after Gigi and I came back to the US. And it started to seem like things were finally turning around for him…

But that didn’t last long. And I get it. Jasper’s not ready to see anybody else, I don’t think. Not yet.

Anyway, I know I’m worrying way too much about them right now. It’s just really hard being stuck in the middle like this. I just want them to be happy.

But it’s me and Gigi I should really be worrying about anyway.

Things have been getting worse and worse between us. Maybe even before we went back home to Windenburg.

Gigi’s always liked taking charge and stuff. She likes being in control. She likes being RIGHT all the time. It’s something I got used to a long time ago. And I never really used to mind letting her be in charge. I’m okay with doing what she wants. I like making her happy.

But ever since we came here, I’ve gotta be honest… I’m liking it a whole lot less. I’ve still been trying so hard to just let it roll off my back though. It’s a hell of a lot easier than fighting all the time. So I just try and “pick my battles,” or whatever.

But it feels like there are more and more battles to choose from lately.

I can’t stop thinking about that fight we had back in November. The night Tam and Jasper broke up. When she told me she forced me into it, and I didn’t really wanna marry her.

I didn’t wanna believe she could be right, but…

I dunno. She’s just been driving me so crazy lately. She gets mad over the stupidest shit. She nitpicks every fucking thing I do. It’s seriously gotten worse than I’ve ever seen it before.

I don’t fold the laundry the right way. I don’t wash the dishes in time. I don’t even DM games the right way, apparently. She embarrasses me in front of my friends all the fucking time now. I thought the shit she was pulling with Jasper and Lila was some kind of one-time thing… But I guess not.

For a while, I just tried to kinda grin and bear it… But I knew that wasn’t right. No matter how much it sucked, I knew I had to talk to her about it.

I just wish Gigi didn’t keep brushing me off every freaking time.

I mean, she usually apologizes, at least. And I know Gigi. I can tell when she’s lying. And she isn’t when she says she’s sorry. I think she really feels shitty about it.

The real problem is when I try and ask her why she’s being like this. She always tells me she ‘doesn’t know’. Or she changes the subject. Or manages to turn it into sex. Or blames it on PMS. She throws basically any excuse you could think of at me.

But like I said… I can always tell when she’s lying.

I wanna talk to her about it. I wanna know what’s really bothering her. I know I’m not perfect. I’m sure I’m doing something wrong… but how the hell am I supposed to fix it if she won’t tell me what it is?!

I wanna figure all this shit out and make things better. But it’s like she doesn’t. And that’s so fucking frustrating.

I just feel stuck, I guess. And no matter how much time I spend studying this stuff, it’s not like my textbooks have the magic answer to everything.

I decided to ask my friends for some advice about it. But I had to be careful… I didn’t wanna tell Niko or Addy or Lola that me and Gigi are having a hard time. So I made up some BS project for my Relationship seminar — A “survey” about a “hypothetical” marraige… Such a lame excuse. But it was the best I could come up with.

Niko was no help at all… but I wasn’t too surprised there. He gave me that cliche statistic that nearly half of marriages end in divorce, and said that this couple should “probably just try and accept the inevitable”. Wow, thanks, Niko.

Addy was just as bright and bubbly as she always is. She said she thinks the couple is spending too much time focusing on the bad stuff. “They’re still married, right?” She asked. “So there’s gotta be plenty of good stuff going on too. They should focus on that!”

And, well… she’s not wrong. There is plenty of good stuff… We make each other laugh like nobody else can. We have the most amazing sex. We can talk for hours about literally nothing at all and never get bored. We love each other. We make each other happy…

But it’s not like that all the time. There’s too much bad shit now too. And that’s the problem we’ve still gotta figure out.

And then there was Lola… I gave her my bogus speech about the ‘survey’, but she didn’t buy it for a second. Tam would probably say I botched my bluff roll or something… But I don’t think that was it. She’s just too smart for that.

“You need to talk to her, Phoenix,” she said. “REALLY talk to her.”

And that’s exactly what Jasper and Tam said too. I didn’t have to make up any kind of lame story for them. They both already knew things were kinda hard with Gigi anyway. And they each said the exact same thing — That I’ve gotta try talking to her again, even if she doesn’t want to.

I just hate that they make it sound so easy. It’s not. And Jasper and Tam should know that better than anybody.

But I guess it’s always easier to give other people advice than it is to figure out your own shit, huh?

And I know they’re right about this. I need to try and get her to open up about what’s really going on. I’ve just gotta figure out how.

But I’m really not sure if I can. And the more I think about, the more I’m starting to wonder how much I even really want to.

Because honestly? I’m scared shitless of what her answer might be.