Pills Pills and More Pills

I’m sure some of you take pills for either your mental health or other things that your doctor told you needed to keep in check. Like if you have high blood pressure he/she is going to put you on something to make it come down, since your body isn’t doing it for you. Taking pills for my mental health is the same thing. My brain isn’t making the right chemicals to keep me “normal”. I use normal loosely. In this context I just mean that I’m not depressed or anxious and I can get out of bed most days.

You see where I put “most days”. Ya, thats because sometimes they don’t work. Every once in a while just like any medication, it just doesn’t seem to work like it should. This is usually because of something external causing me more stress. Let me use the person that has high blood pressure again. If they are under a lot of stress or sick, their medication may not work as well as is supposed to.

The number pills that I am required to take daily is: 8. If you count the ones I only take if I need them, then it comes up to 11. I know people who are in nursing homes that take less medication than that. Certain people seem to think I am over medicated. I can see why, but at the same time I can’t. They fact that I am doing better. I can get out of bed more days the last few months than I have in quite some time is great.

I honestly get tired of taking the pills, even though they help. It is a task that doesn’t take that long but for someone who is only 28, that stigma is there. Not very many people would go up to a person in their 60’s in the morning, and ask them, “Why are you taking those pills?” With a snooty attitude. This is because the older we get, the more things stop working in our bodies. By today’s standers, I am supposed to be pill free and pushing out babies. When people I know see me for the first time taking my large amount of pills each day, I get “the look”. They look at me like I’m taking these drugs for the fun of it and they will make me high. I wish! At least then it would be something to look forward to. Instead, I take three pills to make sure I stay “stable”, two pills for headaches, one pill to keep my anxiety all day (hopefully), and three pain pills. Some times I have to take those pills more than once a day. It’s annoying having my purse sound like I just robbed a drug store.

In the end, even though they bug the holy crap out of me, I still take them. Not only because I would become more depressed and anxious without them, but I know they are helping to keep my PTSD and stress down. I take them like I am supposed to. I sound like a drug store robber. But mostly, I’m happy with where I am in life. If that means taking a crap ton of pills everyday, than so be it. I will stay on these until either I can get off of them or they find something that works better with.

Remember: You are not alone in your fight, even when it feels like it. Just because you take pills or shots daily for your helth, doesn’t make your a freak or any less of a person. People are assholes sometimes. Have faith in your friends and family that you have on your side. Stick with them and life wont be a breeze but it may be a little better.



Nicole