By Bill Maher

The Republican primary reminds me a little of Sophie’s Choice, although the reverse – they can’t decide which of their frontrunners they’d rather kill. “Hmmm, Donald Trump or Ted Cruz… I want to kill them both so badly. I can’t decide. God help me, please!” (bury face in hands and blubber).

Senator Lindsey Graham recently said, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody could convict you.” Laughter into applause from the all-Republican crowd. A week later, faced with the prospect of Trump, he said, “We may have to rally around Ted Cruz.”

Now here’s an underreported fact: the popular vote race between Trump and Cruz is fairly close. Trump has 35 percent of all votes cast, and Cruz has 29 percent. Who do Republicans want to kill more, and who should Democrats be rooting for them to kill?

Bonus question: If none of your leaders come close to measuring up, isn’t the problem with what you’re asking them to do? Maybe the asshole is you?