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Not long ago, a group of employees at Global Affairs Canada — accustomed to navigating a complex geopolitical world — was sent guidelines on workplace conduct.

“Do you clip your nails at your desk?” one section began, super straight-faced. “Do you often pass gas regardless of how it might be experienced by other people?”

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It didn’t end there. “Do you regularly choose foods that are noisy to eat? There are many culprits, such as crunching baby carrots, slurping soup or cereal (spoon-on-bowl!) or the like.”

Each issue had a serious, dead-eyed response: “Nail clipping in the open-concept office is not tolerated. Please use the washroom … Flatulence is a normal bodily function, but cultural norms dictate that it is a function that we reserve for the washroom.”

And why would public servants need guidance on how to clip, fart and slurp on the job? A new workplace design that swaps traditional desks/offices for tech-driven flexibility has put hundreds of public servants in open, group-like proximity, giving rise to rules about noise, odours, hygiene and telephone manners.