How much do you think it costs to kill a lawyer these days? Would it depend on the lawyer’s pedigree and prestige? How big is his book of business? Does he wear a pocket square?

These are just some of the important questions that factor into the price for a lawyer’s head, and if we had to guess, we’d start the bidding at about $75,000, since that’s likely what the very average lawyer who’s been practicing for a while could expect to earn in a year’s time.

Using that number as a starting point, if you found out that someone you loved wanted to kill you and offered just a measly $1,000 to the contract killer, you’d probably be insulted. But wait — what if she also offered sex as an additional incentive to “blow [your] brains out”?

Honey, no offense, but you really aren’t that good of a lay….

Meet Jessica Strom, pictured above in a fabulous orange jumpsuit with a V-neck so deep you can almost see cleavage. Prison couture is simply scandalous right now. Strom, a mother of three, is engaged to John Schellpfeffer, a solo practitioner whom she allegedly wanted to kill in cold blood. Strom was charged with conspiracy to commit first-degree intentional homicide, a felony that could earn her a 60-year sentence.

Here’s more info from the Wisconsin Rapids Tribune, the paper that first reported on these allegations:

Police were tipped off Wednesday to the murder-for-hire plot by a confidential informant who told them that Strom asked him to kill her fiance and fly to Door County to dispose of the victim’s body, according to a criminal complaint. The informant is a licensed pilot who met Strom several years ago while the two were taking criminal justice courses, according to the complaint. After contacting police, the informant met with Strom on Thursday evening at a cafe in downtown Wausau, where Strom detailed a plan for the informant to make a bogus appointment at the intended victim’s law office, “blow his brains out and walk out,” according to court documents. Strom offered sex and $1,000 as payment for the hit, according to the police report.

The Smoking Gun has the full police report, and boy is it juicy. According to the report, Strom had been planning to kill Schellpfeffer for two years, and instructed the informant to buy a gun “off the street” to carry out the deed. If he wanted some “extra credit,” he could buy a silencer. We suppose Strom’s “extra credit” would be doled out in the form of sexual favors. The informant originally requested $50,000 to kill Strom’s fiancé, but settled for $1,000 because it was “better than nothing.”

Also better than nothing was sex, and lots of it — Strom allegedly promised to meet the informant and “pay [him] and f*ck [him] and whatever” after he made her a single woman. According to the text of the police report, Strom was giggling like a schoolgirl and actively flirting with the informant throughout her negotiations to kill the man she was supposed to marry. What a classy, classy lady.

Strom has a preliminary hearing on March 12, but we suppose there’s a lesson to be learned from this for all of the lawyers looking for love out there. Ask the object of your affections how much he or she would pay to have you killed. If the amount is greater than $1,000, then you know you’ve got a keeper.

Woman Offered Sex, $1000 For Fiancé’s Murder [The Smoking Gun]

Update: Merrill woman wanted hit man to ‘blow (fiance’s) brains out’ [Wisconsin Rapids Tribune]

Earlier: This Partner Wants You To Dress Up So You Can Be A Tool Just Like Him