We are a Catholic couple who understand that the chuch condems in-vitro fertilization (IVF). We are severely infertile and after many years of trying different options we were still childless. Our biological clocks were ticking and time was running out. We finally came to the conclusion that unless a miracle on the scale of the Immaculate Conception occurred, the only option available to us for biological children is IVF combined with a process known as ICSI in which the doctor injects the sperm directly into the ovum. The Church teaches us to consider adoption instead, but we went through many months of depression and anguish and could not come to terms with it. It was not for us.

We prayed for guidance. Finally we decided to do an IVF cycle. Against the odds, it was a success. We now have a son and are still awaiting the results from a second attempt. Our understanding was that the primary objection the Church had with IVF was the destruction of embryos so we gave the doctors instructions to fertilize only as many ova as we were willing to carry to term despite the fact that it was likely to result in having to go through more IVF cycles in order to achieve a successful pregnancy.

Mysteriously even though the doctors attempted to fertilize many more ova than we had given permission (we only learned this after the fact and it appears to be an honest mistake on their part), in both cycles only a single embryo developed. The other attempts simply failed completely.

This lead us to realize that even though man may put sperm and ovum together, only God can create life. It is only God that makes the combined sperm and ovum a new life. It is only God that determines if the embryo will implant in the uterus. The doctors can only create the conditions for new life to occur just as a man and woman do when they engage in lovemaking. The rest is up to God.

Our question is how grave a sin have we committed? No donor ovum or sperm was used. We did not destroy any embryos. Yes, the 2 embryos were not fertilized in an act of lovemaking, but in a lab. How grave of a sin is this? We certainly would have prefered to do it the other way–it is after all a far more pleasant experience. The IVF process was stressful, painful, difficult and extremely costly. We had to make sacrifices. We had to do it the hard way. But we supported each other through this experience. At the end of it we feel closer and more committed to each other and came through it with a sense that God was there helping us through. And when we learned that we were going to have a baby against all odds, our faith was renewed. We felt very grateful to God. I thank God daily, even now several years later. We increased our charitable giving and I started doing volunteer work, convinced that this growing fetus was our little miracle that God gave us through this unsanctioned method.

Yet the Church teach us that IVF is bad and we should feel sorry for what we did but I have a hard time feeling sorry for what we felt we had to do, especially when I look at our beautiful, happy son playing with his now overjoyed mother. We’re certainly not sorry he came to be. We love him dearly.

In the end, I feel closer to God, but further away from the Catholic Church. Help!