As a feminist I have serious concerns about reproductive rights, equal pay, and many other important issues. But please, please don’t get the wrong idea: I still love to have sex with men and I’m totally not mad at all of them and PLEASE know that me bringing this up isn’t because I’m mad at you. That’s not what this is about, so please don’t walk away! I love men!!

Look, don’t walk away…Just because I care about the implicit double standards in the cost of contraceptive coverage and the tampon tax, does not mean I wouldn’t fuck a man all night long…seriously. I’m not just saying that. I seriously enjoy dick. That’s why I’d love to have my birth control covered by insurance, you know, like Viagra. Haha. The tone of my voice is so casual and chill right now.

And you know, someday, I’d love to see a woman in the White House? And not just so she can try to right society’s wrongs against women while also totally supporting men as well because like me, she wouldn’t hate men and she would be super straight and want to fuck them. She’s not mad, just driven, and would also be willing to list men she loves in order to prove she doesn’t hate all dudes. Do you want me to list those guys? Because I’ll do it right now, or not, if that will make me seem less relaxed about all this.

Wouldn’t it be cool if women weren’t restricted by the glass ceiling? If we had more female CEOs they could innovate in ways that men would never think of, while totally still letting men come along for the ride and not being mad at them. Accent on “not being mad at them,” right? You’re not mad at me, right?? Men would THRIVE in this environment. We love men. Especially fucking them. Anyone have a dick I can ride RIGHT NOW? Haha, just kidding—but only about the “right now” part!

Just please let us have some semblance of what men have so I can continue to fuck you because I really want to fuck you!!

Yes, I want to fight for women’s equality, but I wouldn’t want to hurt their tender but strong chests that are great for laying your head on after a hearty fuck sesh, when you’re a woman that loves men and is so not mad at them for the patriarchy they perpetuate but I don’t mean that in a bad way it’s just something that’s been on my mind. I promise I’m not pissed at you, please come back!!

Feminism is important. Almost as important as fucking men and making sure you know we’re not mad at you!