by damn name » Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:17 pm

We've all seen plenty of charts over the last three months describing the effects from radiation exposure. Little has been written about the effects of exposure to the radiation of stupidity.



The unit of measure for stupidity radiation is the "baka."



100 micro-bakas/hr is the maximum safe level for babies. One milli-baka is 1,000 micro-bakas and 1,000 milli-bakas is 1 baka.



One baka can cause permanent injury, 2 bakas of exposure may be fatal for weak people.



Background baka is about 0.04 mbk/hr from things like people riding a bicycle while talking on their ketai as they run into a railing, mothers talking on their ketai as their child runs into the street, store clerks asking if your order of five dozen donuts is to go or to eat in... things like that.



Business meetings can elevate the baka radiation to triple the background baka radiation. "Oh my God! We're registering 0.12 mbk/hr!"



Your exposure to baka radiation can depend on where you live, and also your job. General office workers suffer from high baka radiation and the cumulative amount absorbed is what you should keep track of. A sudden burst of stupidity from a manager is less dangerous than long, continuous exposure to idiot coworkers.



People working in customer service have one of the highest exposure rates to baka radiation, with some easily reaching the yearly maximum recommended amount of 100 milli-bakas (100 mbk) in just one week.



People should be careful about overexposure if they need to visit a government office - city offices, drivers license offices, immigration or embassies. Visiting more than one government office per week can be harmful and require months of detoxification before the baka radiation leaches from your system.



Not all baka radiation is the same. Politicians can excrete a highly toxic, concentrated beam of baka, called a "Baka Ray," which can render humans and animals dumbfounded. Extended exposure to Baka Rays from politicians causes irreversible idiot-like behavior in otherwise healthy people. Direct exposure to campaign speeches should be avoided. There is no cure for baka sickness caused by overexposure to political rhetoric. Victims become lifeless carcasses, wandering through life spouting slogans and nonsense on TV. Baka Ray exposure can mimic Alzheimer's Syndrome.



Small overexposure to non-political baka radiation can usually be treated by specialists, such as bartenders.



People can usually sense increased baka radiation in their surroundings. When you feel a slight dizziness from baka radiation above background level, take early precautions by covering your eyes or ears. Do not look directly into the eyes of a baka-emitting person. If it's possible, exit the vicinity immediately and take cover in a nearby tavern.



If you're in a meeting with a customer or your boss, you can try to excuse yourself by saying that you're feeling ill because you stayed up all night preparing for the meeting, then apologize profusely as you run to the bathroom. Sprinkle cold water on your face, take a few deep breaths, and you should be able to withstand about fifteen more minutes of baka radiation in the meeting.



Remember, baka radiation can be harmful, so limit your exposure as much as possible. The more you're exposed to baka radiation, the more likely it will be that you'll lose patience with the baka-filled world as you grow older.