A once in a while explosive date

TL: Cannongerbil

Editing: Ulti, Xenthur

Megumin, wearing a dress, said to me as I lay on the sofa,

“… Kazuma, do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Give me a moment, I’ll go put on a change of clothes.”

I answered without a second thought and headed towards my room before Megumin stopped me.

“E-Eh, wait, hold on, I know it’s weird for me to be saying this, but aren’t you going to ask any questions?”

“What kind of questions do you want me to ask?”

I tilted my head and asked. Megumin had a conflicted expression on her face, and started playing with her fingers.

“Such as… Why am I suddenly asking you on a date, or something like that.”

“…? Isn’t that because you are entering puberty and have started to see me, the closest male to you, as a potential mate?”

“Do you take me for a dog or a cat or something!? I don’t think anything of you at all!… S-Sorry, that might have been a little too far. No, it’s not like I hate you or anything!”

Megumin hastily corrected after seeing me turn my back on her and sulk into my corner of the sofa.

“… Then what is it? Don’t tell me you lost a bet with Aqua and the others and are asking me out as a punishment? If that’s the case, I’m going to strip all of you bare.”

“No, that’s not it! The truth is, there’s a reason for this…”

Source @ CGtranslations.me

— Megumin and I walked side by side down the streets of Axel.

“Oh, Megumin, the weather sure is great today… Isn’t this the perfect weather for a date?”

“It’s cloudy and the winds are strong. Can’t you speak more naturally? … Also, can you not hold my hand so tightly? Your palms are all sweaty…”

Furthermore, we held each other’s hands in a very lover-like fashion.

Even if it’s just Megumin, I’m still nervous as hell.

“I can’t help it! It’s my first date! The last time I held a girl’s hand was back in grade school! Even if it’s just you, I’ll still be a little nervous!”

“‘Even if it’s just you? A little nervous?’ What’s with that!? How rude can you be!? And you’re being too loud! What if he hears you?! Also, what’s a grade school?”

As she softly berated me, Megumin brought out a handkerchief and gently wiped away the sweat coating my palm.

“If you get nervous from holding hands, then this should make things easier.”

Saying that, she purposefully grabbed my arm as if to show off to everyone present.

Having somewhat calmed down, I started discreetly scanning my surroundings.

“So, is he following us?”

“Yeah, he is. Right now he’s hiding behind the butcher’s sign and looking at us.”

I looked behind me and saw a boy slightly younger than Megumin peeking at us from behind the butcher’s sign.

“I didn’t expect there to be a deviant weird enough to be stalking you….”

“Hey, what do you mean by deviant? Why don’t you explain it to me?”

This is why she suddenly asked me for a date.

Because that boy has been following her non-stop for quite some time, she wanted me to pretend to be her lover in order to get him to give up. It’s that old cliched plan.

Well, Megumin does look pretty good as long as she kept her mouth shut, so I suppose it’s not unusual for something like this to happen.

“Right, let me do my best to act lovey-dovey with you.”

“We are just pretending! Y-You know that, right? Don’t go too far!”

And thus, my date with Megumin began.

“— Idiot, sharing a single drink is a staple for couples, isn’t it?”

“I know, I get that! But the normal way to do so would be to use two straws, not drink directly from it… Ah, you drank it all! How could you!? I was the one who bought this drink!”

First we argued over the right way to share a drink.

“—You can probably get in with a children’s ticket, so let’s buy some popcorn with the money we save.”

“Wait a moment, that might be true, but I feel like an important part of me will die if I do that… Ah! Look, Kazuma, look at this! Let’s watch this play! ‘Putamkin punches through all troubles’! Be it strife, civil war, corruption, or famine, watch the legendary nobleman Putamkin punch his way through all of it- A jolly martial arts play starring Baron Putankin!”

“Oh, yeah, I was really curious about that too, but it’s not really a play suitable for a date…”

Then we agonized over which show to catch.

“– I really didn’t expect Baron Putamkin to break that heirloom vase that he risked his life to retrieve!”

“Yeah! And I definitely didn’t expect the princess to be punched just as she was saying that her brothers would no longer have any reason to fight over the vase now!”

“I really didn’t expect the princess to be mastermind behind it all! At first, I thought the protagonist was a crazy nutjob who just punches everyone he sees!”

“Actually, historians are still studying Baron Putamkin! There are a lot of people who think that he simply punches people based off his instincts without thinking even or investigating matters, but most historians agree that there’s no way that anyone could be that crazy…”

Finally, we enthusiastically discussed the play we just watched.

“—The baron said ‘meat is justice!’, so I think we should follow his words and go grab some meat!”

“On this day, we should be eating eel! It’s Redemption Day today, the day when the Baron defeated the Eight-Headed Eel with his fists and used its meat to end the famine and the bounty to solve the financial problems plaguing the country!”

“Then let’s decide it with rock-paper-scissors.”

“There’s no way I can beat you in rock-paper-scissors! We are on a date, so you should listen to the girl at times like this!”

“Going on a date to ask the guy to buy you expensive eel meat, you’re just taking advantage of a woman’s privilege!”

All the way till the end, there wasn’t a single hint of romance on this date.

“–So, is he still following us?”

“I can’t see him now, though we didn’t do anything that would’ve seemed couple-like…”

We said as we headed back after the date.

The young man who was following us vanished sometime ago.

Perhaps we looked like a loving couple from an outsider’s point of view…

“Well, we should head back. Even if he’s still following us, he should give up once he sees us going back to the same mansion together.”

Hearing my words, Megumin said,

“The date isn’t over yet.”

Before grabbing my hand with a bright smile.

— On the way to the gate out of town.

“… Seriously, ending our date with an Explosion trip? This doesn’t feel romantic at all.”

“What’s the big deal? This is what a date between us should be like. I really enjoyed myself today.”

Saying that, Megumin suddenly stopped in her tracks.

… That young man is waiting right in front of the gate.

If he’s appeared right in front of us, he must have resolved himself to take some kind of action.

I stepped in front of Megumin to protect her, at which point the young man approached us with hesitant expression on his face.

“Megumin-sensei, please… Please teach me Explosion magic!”

….

“Eh?”

Megumin and I simultaneously let out.

“Huh, what’s going on? You’re the guy who’s been following Megumin all this time, right? Isn’t that because you are in love with her?”

“Huh? Stop joking around. The ones I like are the older, onee-san types. Even I have the right to choose who I fall in love with, you know? The reason I was following Megumin-sensei around is because I was taken by the splendour of Explosion, that’s all.”

He seems younger than Megumin by my reckoning, but he seems to believe that Megumin is the younger one.

I joined him in his laughter.

“Yeah, of course~ Isn’t this great, Megumin? Now you have a disciple. Yeah, I thought it was odd for there to be someone weird enough to stalk Megumin. There’s a limit to how deviant a person’s tastes can get…”

Just as I said that, I noticed that the young man’s face is getting paler by the second.

At the same time, my Enemy Detection skill went off.

There’s no mistaking it, there’s a bloodlusted monster standing right behind me.

“Listen closely… Don’t make any sudden moves, just slowly back away. And if you hear that, don’t even look, just run.”

The pale-faced young man nodded shakily in response.

My instincts are screaming at me not to look back, no matter what.

As I heard the chant that I’m way too familiar with coming from behind me, both of us bolted at the same instant-

<Incidentally, if this sounds familiar to anyone, it’s because it’s one of the stories that got a Drama CD adaptation, which was translated by our very own Kasen.>