Finale’s are hard. At this point in the show we’re kind of wanting to see new faces and new story lines. I’m not going to lie, I was more interested to find out who the bachelorette(s) would be than who Chris ended up with. This episode was also super serious so it’s hard to make fun of what went on. I’ll try my best, but I might do a little more analysis than usual.

The beginning of the end of Chris’ life starts with Whitney coming to visit good ole Arlington. Time to show her off to the fam and have them pass judgement. After your standard fare of a meal and exchanging pleasantries the sisters pull Whitney aside and start grilling her. She tells them exactly what they want to hear and just can’t wait to move there and have babies. Everyone giggles and they are just having a good time. In the other room Chris is rolling his eyes because he knows if he picks Whitney he will essentially have 4 sisters. She sweet talks his mom for a little to put on the finishing touches. Meanwhile Chris, his dad, and some random’s head to the manly garage to discuss. Somehow him talking to them about Whitney turned into defending Becca. Was a little odd.

Becca gets the same routine, dinner and chatting with the family. Sisters aren’t big on the fact that she wants to try long distance and is afraid to commit just yet. Mama Chris (love her) sees through everything and lays it out to Becca. She can tell Chris wants to pick Becca but Becca needs to give him that little push. She basically tells her he’ll pick you if you commit right now and tell him you love him. Becca is describing what she’s feeling and his mom is trying to tell her that that feeling is love. This appears to fall on deaf ears. Old lady wisdom is not to be messed with. She’s like the Oracle from The Matrix:

Unfortunately Chris is no Neo.

There is one last date with each girl and this time Becca leads off. Not sure how much of a date it was, but rather a talk in her hotel room. You would think they got that whole talking thing out of the way during her fantasy suite….Anyway, Chris takes some of the advice that the Oracle gave him and tries to pressure Becca and get some answers from her. You know, things he should have been doing 4 weeks ago. Becca’s answers ranged from I don’t know to I’m not sure. Chris, clearly frustrated, finally gets her to admit to being scared to move to the middle of no where. I guess that’s progress.

Last date with Whitney was boring and uneventful. She told him she loved him a lot. That’s the only thing I remember. You can honestly skip the first hour and a half of these finales. Nothing ever happens. Watching Whitney make oogly eyes at Chris and listening to that voice could make anyone change the channel. Just imagine Chris though having to deal with that shit forever. I’m guessing that once she moves in he will spend a lot more time in that tractor just to get away from her. I think he said they have somewhere around 800 acres. He could build a bachelor pad somewhere out there and she would have no idea. Let’s say a big game is on that night but she wants to cuddle and watch movies. All of a sudden you remember that you need to do some “late night farming” and head off. You then meet your bros at the “Corn Palace” and it’s game time. Just make sure Whitney packed you enough snacks before you head out, your bros are bringing the beers.

It’s decision day. Time to sack up and pick your future ex fiance. Neil Lane himself even flew in to let Chris pick the ring he gets to borrow for the afternoon. This is probably the first and last time he makes a trip to Iowa. That is a state he usually flies over when making big decisions regarding overpriced jewelry. Back in the day it used to seem pretty random as to whether or not the first person to arrive was chosen or not. Lately, it seems like the first is always the one sent home. Becca is first at the barn and is wearing some sort of red velvet cake looking dress. It looked bad. Prob the reason she didn’t get the final rose. Chris let’s her down easily by complimenting her and then saying:

She actually seemed ok and almost like she expected it. For the losing limo ride I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone more apathetic than her. I’m sure there are girls that showed more emotion when they drove themselves home after not making it past auditions. Maybe she was in shock. Maybe she just wanted the hell out of Iowa.

Limo number 2 arrives and Whitney steps out. Her dress looked really good. Before he can even say anything she starts yapping away. Eventually he gets a word in and drops to one knee. She does that high voice shriek where she covers her mouth and says yes. The rose is given out. The end.

I mean he had to pick Whitney, right? A couple of weeks ago I thought that if he really loved Whitney he needed to send her home. She actually had a career and was going to throw it all away to be a house wife. Wouldn’t he feel some sort of guilt for doing that to her? Even if she said she wanted it. I thought the stand up thing to do would be to let her go and choose Becca. I mean Becca could probably be a secretary receptionist at the church or something.But it became more and more obvious that Becca was scared to pull the trigger. Sure, Chris could have risked it and seen what happened, but did you do all of this for a long distance girlfriend? And you know he’ll be thinking about making that mistake and not taking a chance for a long time. The further this thing went, the more he wanted Becca. You saw him struggling to explain to people what it was about her. That may be a sign of weakness to some, but isn’t a girl leaving you speechless and unable to describe what you feel the highest compliment you can give? Chris repeatedly used generic words like “awesome” to describe Whitney. He couldn’t even find words for Becca. I thought that was extremely telling and why I believe he settled for second. Also the fact that his family had already adopted Whitney before that hometown date was even over. I don’t know if it was lack of maturity with Becca, but rather lack of experience. She had never been in any sort of situation remotely close to this before. Should she have figured that out before even going on the show? Probably. I think she needed this though and will be alright. In the meantime, Chris is stuck with Whitney. Good luck Chris. You’ll need it.

Don’t forget about after the final rose. The couple finally got to make their long awaited public debut. Guess who did most of the talking when Harrison asked them both a question. Before that, Becca was brought up to speak with Chris. She looked good (Whitney did not). She seemed in good spirits. Becca will be just fine. One thing I thought was interesting was Whitney saying she hasn’t and wouldn’t watch the show. Seems like cause for concern if that is going to bother her that much. Jimmy Kimmel also asked his own set of questions as he sat between the happy(?) couple. He was pretty funny and gifted them a cow named Juan Pablo. His joke about neither speaking any English was the highlight of my night.

Ashley S was also at the after show and dare I say it, actually looked pretty good. Harrison once again asked her about coming on bachelor in paradise. I think she kind of said yes. Make no mistake though, she is going to be on no matter what ABC has to do. And we are all better for it.

The last big item was who is going to be the next ette. Harrison announces that they had trouble deciding between Britt and Kaitlyn. Pretty big cheers for Kaitlyn, not as much for Britt. Remember when I told you the audience plays a big role in deciding who the next ette is? I was kind of right. Harrison tells them both to come out and they will both be ettes. It wasn’t really explained well but the guys on the first night will choose who they want it to be. The people and fans overwhelmingly want Kaitlyn, but the producers and tv people want Britt for the drama. Since they don’t want to piss off their viewers by choosing Britt as the next ette they will have the guys do their dirty work. Britt has her on looks and who do you think a guy will go for on a dating competition show? This way ABC doesn’t look like the bad guy when they inevitably get the person that only they want. They just pass it off on the guys that they hand pick to be on the show. I can just imagine each guy being asked which one they would pick and somehow more guys for Britt end up being cast. Kaitlyn is getting the shaft, and not in the good way. I’m not anti Britt, but I don’t want to see her being fake for an entire season and having that weird cry face she will be wearing permanently. She was also looking a little puffy. I guess we’ll find out who the actual ette is on premiere night. In the meantime we have bachelor in paradise to look forward to. I’m sure I’ll revise the bog once the cast is announced. From this season I’m pulling for Ashley S, Jade, and Ashley I to make it. Also hoping my girl Clare from Juan Pablo’s returns. I don’t really want Michelle Money brought back. She’s been on TV enough.

I think overall this was a good season. Was my first blogging the main event and enjoyed it. Hope you did as well. I’ve got one last thing for Becca:

See you in paradise

- Nick