Interviewee: SCP-4131

Interviewer: Researcher Annabel Xiulan

<BEGIN LOG>

Xiulan: Good morning, SCP-4131. This is Annabel Xiulan, senior trilobite executor.

SCP-4131: You found trilobites to kill?

Xiulan: Sorry, but no.

SCP-4131: Aww.

Xiulan: We'll let you know if we find any. Anyways, may I ask some questions about yourself?

SCP-4131: Questions are great. Questions mean I can tell you about how good it is to shoot those carapaced assholes so please ask them.

Xiulan: Alright. First, why do you want to kill trilobites?

SCP-4131: What? You can see the evil in their eyes! Every inch hates! Wants to see you burn! Why are you even asking this?

Xiulan: We were checking to see if you are loyal.

SCP-4131: Oh okay. I was worried you'd be like my friend who tried eating one because they didn't realize they're evil and had the trilobastards take his head and… Poor guy.

Xiulan: Now, how many weapons do you have?

SCP-4131: Tore down his farm, too. Oh right. Let's see, I've got missiles, torpedoes, spears, spikes that go really fast, mines, normal guns, normal guns but with lava, something that scares me a lot, the secret maneuver, my own head—

SCP-4131 abruptly spins around and fires a set of torpedoes in the tank walls.

Xiulan: What was that?

SCP-4131: (whispering) Triloghosts.

Xiulan: …I see.

SCP-4131: Oh right I got distracted, there was… Come on, me… There was…

Xiulan: We can come back to that later. Could you tell me how you got these weapons?

SCP-4131: …there's no other weapons I can remember but I do remember way back with one of my pals, and they were like "hey do you want to shoot those inbred tri-lobers" and I wanted to shoot those inbred tri-lobers so I joined our expeditionary force, where we took back some villages and had fun and blew things up and it was great…

Xiulan: It's good you did well in your military, but that isn't what I asked about. Anything about getting the weapons you could tell?

SCP-4131: …but of course it went wrong when other pals thought we should attack the Lord and of course we thought it was smart because they were so tiny like the other trilobites and we could win easily! Hahaha, then everyone but me got thrown out of the ocean and the Lord slammed me into a volcano.

Xiulan: Are you paying attention to me?

SCP-4131: Worked out though because I got a good sleep in a cozy rock, uhhh, sleep-place-thing until those guys with the claws dug me out. They wanted me to shoot some dome-headed people but they aren't trilobites so it sounded dumb.

Xiulan: Hello?

SCP-4131: Yes?

Xiulan: (sighs) Could you elaborate on the people with the claws?

SCP-4131: Yeah they had big teeth, bunch of feathers, long tails, pretty long in general. They were fast on land too. They kept telling me the trilobites went extinct but I know they're crafty fiends — they faked it — and they kept telling me it wasn't the case. It was annoying but hey they fixed up my head and gave me new guns and I shot more trilobites than I ever had before! Whole mountains of them went kaboom! Not even a Lord left! Claw guys thought it was silly but they repaired me so I liked them. Shame the big bomb took them out, though.

Xiulana: Shame indeed, sounds like they could've helped the cause. Now, can you tell me about how you got your weapons?

SCP-4131: Uhhh, that was— wait.

Xiulan: Wait?

SCP-4131: Wait.

Xiulan: What is it?

SCP-4131: …are you a trilobite?

Xiulan: I'm not a trilobite.

SCP-4131: You ask a lot. Like a trilobite.

Xiulan: But you wanted me to ask questions.

SCP-4131: Are you a spy? How many trilobites are stacked in your flesh suit? How did you get in this agency?

Xiulan: Again, I'm not multiple trilobites in a skin suit.

SCP-4131: Prove it.

Xiulan: How?

SCP-4131: Uhhh, didn't think you'd actually ask that. Uhhh, oh, yes, take your metal squid.

Xiulan: My what?

SCP-4131: Your pen and scare it into getting ink on your, uhm, paper, that's what it is, right? Right?

Xiulan: Yes, paper.

SCP-4131: Write "trilobites eat crap" on it.

Researcher Xiulan writes the phrase onto their notepad, turning it to face SCP-4131.

SCP-4131: Yes that's good. I trust you now.

Xiulan: (slowly nods) Was there any reason why you wanted me to write that phrase?

SCP-4131: Some trilobites eat crap. They ate mine once. It was gross.

Xiulan: I see. Now, can I ask one last question?

SCP-4131: Yes.

Xiulan: Were you born with your weapons?

SCP-4131: Yes.

Xiulan: Why?

SCP-4131: Well, I couldn't blast trilobites if I wasn't.

<END LOG>