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Saving Men from Killing Themselves

Without male studies represented on campuses young men must rely on articles posted at magazines and web sites that represent the missing male narrative like this one that can save a man’s life. This college information bias and the spiraling incidents of male suicides are reasons that turn millions of men worldwide to seek the Red Pill, Herbivore Men or the liberation trend, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). This article can help friends and family of a man on the verge of suicide.

It is common knowledge that men around the world are killing themselves, and yet Huffington Post writer Jane Powel states she doesn’t know why. She writes, “There are speculations on why men commit suicide, theories but no actual nuggets.” Jane’s ignorance exemplifies our modern society’s illiteracy or lack of interest when it comes to men and who they are in today’s day to day world. Male suicide is a widespread epidemic that by using information, we can empower each of us to evaluate and possible save a friend or lover from his demise.

Excluded here are the young men who struggle to come to terms with their gay or transsexual identity or veterans and homeless men who commit suicide; instead this article is concerned with men who are in loving relationships with women (cis-gendered straight males) raising a family and who may come face to face with killing himself.

Life Events that Trigger Men to Kill Themselves

1.When a Man gets Married:

Men and women tend to have different social roles as they psychologically adjust to day to day life living as a loving couple in the same home. Men, with their preference for physical appearance in a mate can easily be blinded by the beauty and overlook other problems while women tend to use verbal communication to negotiate the relationships with her man and the entire extended family. Consider this a warning for any man who feels they are being constantly verbally pestered or quarrel with his wife or girlfriend. Surveys have proven that men who choose an over complaining girlfriend can cause him to kill himself.

The effects of verbal aggression, bickering daily arguments appear to have a far greater detrimental effect upon men who tend to be results oriented, unlike the social interactivity of women. Men are busy on goals for the family and they often don’t share their problems with close friends or family. Dr. Rikke Lund and colleagues from the University of Copenhagen followed 9875 Danish men and women aged 36 to 52 for 11 years where 196 of the adults died – causes ranged from heart disease, cancer, liver disease from alcohol abuse and suicide. Men who said they faced ‘endless’ demands or ‘she won’t stop talking’ from their partner or family and friends were more than twice as likely to become ill and resort to suicide.

2.When Married Men lose their job or Career:

Age discrimination, downsizing and outsourcing the workforce has been obligating mostly middle aged men to loose lifelong careers and livelihoods. These men are confronted with a dark, shameful and traumatic experience, often leading many to despair, depression and suicide. Men are usually objectified by the family or partner as a disposable utility who is expected to provide resources needed for bills, food, shelter and basic survival. Even if the partner works also, men usually occupy the main provider and protector of the home. He is often a Mr. Fixit, asked to repair leaky pipes and he attends his partner’s emotional grievances, harboring a shoulder to cry on. (Sometimes referred to as an ‘emotional tampon’). A job lose can destroy his self-worth that is often interchangeable with his work identity. His entire world can close and appear bleak, empty and hopeless. Suddenly household roles are switched. He needs a soft shoulder, but his woman expects him to “man up”. Men are not trained with coping skills necessary to adjust and can fall into a dark place. With the well-being of women and children being a priority, the family may turn their back on him because he can no longer deliver survival resources. Now his life is useless and suicide is looming.

3.When Men are divorced by his Wife:

Every year almost eight hundred thousand men are severed from his family and since no-fault divorce laws were enacted in 1970, over 50 million American men have endured oppressive divorces initiated by their wives. Most husbands relish the role of nose to the grindstone and dedication to providing for the home, cars, clothing and vacations. But many wives give up and divorce their husbands; taking his children, half of his assets and child payment demands all because she was unhappy. Men are dropped into a blackened vacuum of space, all alone and often without warning. With no one to turn to these abandoned fathers are four times more likely to kill themselves.

4.When Men Battle for Child Custody:

After divorce a horrendous custody mêlée ensues for custody of the children. Up to 70 percent of these now ex-husbands will be charged with physical or sexual abuse of the ex-wife or face public hearings of accused molestation or rape of his own children. Almost all of these sordid disputes are deemed false but men are forced to endure social, physical and mental pain and humiliation otherwise his rights are dismembered from his children. Still women gain custody 60% of the time. Brad Pitt was recently struck with anguish, distraught, pacing, nervous – totally terrified when stories of his child abuse accusations broke. All the men who lose their children are likely to fall into deep depression and often commit suicide.

Help Your Man from Killing Himself

Your FIRST job: Be aware of his situational demeanor, is he: Giving away prized possessions, increasing drug or alcohol abuse, withdrawing from friends, hobbies and social activities. Loss of interest in personal appearance. It might appear that his thoughts are spinning in his thoughts as if trying to decide. He may dwell or communicate about death, uselessness or suicide in different forms like; poetry, music, art, or creative writing.

Your SECOND job: Avoid these natural reactions: Do not panic, criticize or react with drama or anger. Avoid your own self chastisement: How could he do this to me or us? I have to keep this secret. Didn’t I love/watch/listen to him enough? Will they try again? If I pretend this didn’t happen, it will go away. He is just trying to get attention. This is not my problem – someone else can deal with it.

The THIRD job: Remove all knives, weapons, pills and guns as these are the common items that people use to kill themselves.

Your FOURTH job: Be prepare to talk him and be and prepared with actions that might help your friend. Assess your man. Learn how to talk to him who may be a typical problem solver and he may not respond to questions that are not results oriented. These are questions for the feminine side of the brain. They are caring and supportive and he may not react well to them. Soft questions to ask him: “How you feeling,” “Share your emotions,” “You look moody?” “Why won’t you open up to me?” “Can we talk about you?” “How you doing?”

Your man could be a problem solver, an athletic coach type or mister fix it. By understanding how the masculine brain works and you can question him in another direction. Ask him: “When did you start feeling this way?” “Have you figured a way out?” “Are there alternatives you’re considering?” “What are you trying to solve?” “Is there a way out of this situation?” “Where is the end of the rope?” “You’re not alone let me help decide what to do.” “Tell me when you’re ready to give up.”

He may open up and say, “Yes, my life is over.”

If he speaks up, do not flip into caring and supportive mode, talk more. Ask, “When will you do it?” “What’s the plan for ending it?”

Someplace when his mood changes a little ask him if he wants help.

Getting Help

Keep these thoughts in mind: Time heals all wounds. Situations change altering moods. There is welfare and food stamps if needed.

Now find help and from this point on never leave your friends side and observe and talk to him.

If you call 911, it is likely your friend will be taken to a psych-hospital and held for 3 days evaluation. Be sure this is what he wants before making a 911 call.

Get professional help for him. If he has a therapist put in an emergency call.

Contact a local suicide line. The national suicide hotline is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Find a male PHD Psychologist to assist life decisions and not a psychiatrist who is interested in giving him medications.

Never let physicians prescribe anything but anti-depressants; avoid taking other mood elevators, anxiety drugs, valiums, or Ativan.

Find more information here.