Fox on Sex: Try More Solo Sex for Better Partner Play

Monday , May 03, 2010

By Jenny Block

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It’s the easiest thing in the world. It’s fantastic for you. And all you need is to be alone. I don’t know why everyone in the universe isn’t doing it on a regular basis. Masturbation. I hate that word. Too clinical. Too threatening. Too alien. Sounds like you’re up to no good. But self-pleasure really is nothing but good.

An unfortunate stigma has been attached to the act. But ignore those voices in your head. It’s healthy, normal, and always guarantees a happy ending. I think more women than men take issue with doing it. But this is one act that’s an equal opportunity pleaser. All you have to do is let go.

The funny thing is that most of us unlearn it. We know what feels good from an early age. But somewhere along the way we are shamed into thinking that we shouldn’t be “spoiling ourselves.” Phooey. You are your best partner. So unless you’re staying home all day “playing solo” to the detriment of home and employment, the green light is yours.

Why?

1. It’s easy access. It doesn’t matter if you’re alone in the bedroom, the bathroom, or the family room, as long as you can pretty much guarantee privacy, you can do it. It doesn’t always take two to tango.

2. It’s simple to do. Erotic reading or film viewing can add a little spice and there are plenty of products to help you along. But the truth is, you don’t need a thing. You came into this world fully equipped. All the more reason to take advantage of what you’ve got.

3. There are fun accessories. There are all kinds of great toys out there to help you get the job done.

4. You can learn more about what you like. When you spend time with yourself, you can figure out a lot about what works for you – and what doesn’t. Places you like to be touched and how you like them touched. Rough or gentle. Fast or slow. Being the best sex partner comes from knowing what you like and being able to share that info with your playmate.

5. It helps you get in the mood. If you’ve been randy even before your partner gets home, you’re more likely to want to engage with him or her when you’re together. It can be a great way to get in the mood and out of your daily drama.

The thing is, there really is no reason not to “gild the lily” or “crown the king.” It can help you fall asleep at night; refocus when you’re in a stressed out tailspin; and just plain make you smile after a long day. Plus, you can’t become pregnant or get someone else pregnant and there’s zero risk of sexually transmitted infection. And if the sound of your mother’s voice in your head is keeping you from getting to it, put her out of your mind. Perhaps best of all, you don’t have to settle for just any warm body just because you’re in need of a little nookie. The only player you need … is you.

Everyone’s always saying how important it is to take some time for yourself. So, isn’t it time for you to take a little true “me time?”

Jenny Block is a freelance writer based in Dallas, Texas. She is the author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage." Her work appears in "One Big Happy Family" edited by Rebecca Walker and "It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters" edited by Andrea Buchanan. Visit her Web site at www.jennyonthepage.com.