But that logic is difficult to follow after watching several episodes of Dishmantled, a cooking show hosted by Titus Burgess that's part hyper-accelerated Chopped, part voyeuristically punishing Japanese gameshow. In every 5 minute episode, chefs are blindfolded and assaulted by an exploding mystery dish. Their goal: To eat the disgusting remnants from the floor and walls to figure out what that dish actually is, and cook it within 30 minutes. It feels more like a parody cooking show from 30 Rock, than something on a legitimate network.

Don't get me wrong, it’s entertaining in a trashy TV way, so I'm sure it'll find some fans. But five minutes isn't enough time to build the drama you'd find in an episode of Chopped or Top Chef. Every contestant looks like they've been pulled right out of a cooking line, and every celebrity guest seems a bit drunk and confused. The entire endeavor, much like Quibi itself, feels like a complete waste of time and resources while we're facing a worldwide global pandemic. In an era where people are losing their jobs and stuck waiting in long grocery store lines, all the while avoiding an invisible threat just to feed their families, literally blowing up food seems unconscionable.

Quibi

I also didn't find much value flipping between portrait and landscape modes. Quibi's Turnstyle tech works as advertised -- it effortlessly moves between those orientations without stopping the show -- but it also didn't solve any dire problems for me. Maybe it would be a bigger deal if I were stuck in a crowded bus or train, but in our no-commuting reality, I found myself relying on the traditional widescreen viewing mode. Everything in portrait just seemed too tall, cramped and disorienting. Vertical video works well for amateur footage, since we're used to seeing our friends in video chats, but for highly produced content it just looks wrong. But maybe I'm just showing my age (and my love for traditional widescreen video).

Turnstyle can also be used for interactivity by letting you choose between two angles — though that capability isn’t available in any shows at launch. At CES, I watched a brief clip from Quibi’s upcoming show Wireless, where I was able to swap between looking at the main character in landscape mode, and a full view of his phone by flipping to portrait. It’s potentially cool functionality that reminds me of the multi-angle special features we used to see on DVDs, but it’s unclear if Quibi creators will use it much.

Quibi's biggest flaw at the moment is that none of its content stands out from the wealth of media already available to us. Chrissy's Court is a fun riff on daytime TV court shows, but the actual cases and resolutions feel even more pointless and inconsequential than you’d expect for the genre. (And of course, John Legend shows up once in a while to flash that EGOT smile.) Most Dangerous Game, one of the service’s “Movies in Chapters,” is a remake of the classic human-hunting story — except this time it stars Liam Hemsworth and an appropriately scenery-chewing Christoph Waltz. It's reasonably compelling, but whatever dramatic tension it builds up is destroyed by every clip's short runtime. Thanks A Million is a show where celebrities give away $100,000 to people who've had a positive impact on their lives, but it comes across as more cringeworthy than heartwarming.

There are also a handful of documentaries and daily news shorts via outlets like the BBC, Telemundo and TMZ, but again none of them were exactly “must watch” entertainment. You’ll easily find similar news briefs on YouTube and podcasts. Quibi also plans to launch with 50 shows and aims to have 175 by the end of the year. There’s some notable content to look forward to from the likes of Steven Spielberg and Guillermo del Toro. But frankly, after testing the service for a bit, I’m not excited to see some of my favorite filmmakers make content that’ll be trapped on tiny phone screens and quickly forgotten.