Hi there. This is all a little obtuse, isn't it? That's unfortunately just the nature of our work, but I'll do my best to lay this out in plain English.

On the 8th of October 2016, the Pataphysics department began the implementation of joint projects - Operation Flat Horizon and Operation ÓverMeta. The goal of these projects was simple, if rather ambitious: total unification of the full narrative bulk, into a single cohesive plane. Flat Horizon was more subtle, utilising the biases of swn001-1 entities to effect them toward the linking of data points in order to chip away at the rougher edges of the bulk. If Flat Horizon was a pick, ÓverMeta was more of a sledgehammer. We targeted a single swn001-1 entity, Rimple, and used them to establish a minor canon. More importantly, we introduced Dr. Huever's Hypercanon theory, which provided a conceptual basis for a fully unified canon.

This is hard. I apologise. I'm used to throwing down jargon. When you bullshit enough, it comes true, especially when you live in a rumour and your colleagues are fictional characters.

ÓverMeta was, much to everyone's surprise, a success. We didn't take canon by a storm, but certainly we've seen ripples. 56 planes and counting have moved into state of narrative intersection with the project, and SCP-3621 has since been introduced to the bulk, utilising many of Pataphysics' core concepts to form a distinct channel between baseline canon and a notable narrative package previously out of our reach. Similarly, SCP-3999 now acts as a communicative interface between us and swn001-1 entities.

It comes down to this: When we decided to make canon collapse, we didn't expect it to actually, you know, collapse. These pillars through canon - characters with direct channels to their creators - were being squashed down and down until, just a few weeks ago, they started to burst, retroactively spilling out into the main canon bulk. Just Dr. Roget at first, one of those weird things that happens to researchers like him. I'd say he was relieved it was as harmless as it was. But then it started spreading. Directors Aktus and Moose, the Andrews couple over in Site-234, and then me.

I was the last straw, obviously. Doesn't do to have reality rupturing around your head researchers, but when living rumours start splattering into baseline truth, things have properly gone tits up. Estimates indicate that complete narrative collapse is likely to occur within the next 16 months, at which point… well, Flat Horizon's job will be complete. A flat plane. Worlds squashed together, inconsistencies crushed underneath the incomparable momentum of human thought.

If it's not yet clear, our current actions are utterly futile. MTF-ι-0 is not going to find some holy grail of meta bullshittery. Our scouts aren't going to save the world by invading the conceptual sludge.

Which brings me to this:

There's a simple solution. One which the others haven't thought of yet. They're not idiots, they will, just not as fast as I have. The solution is that we talk to you directly. Break out that listpages module and snap you out of your seat for half a second when you see your username. Hello, I'll wave. It's me, Penelope, being meta. Welcome to the Note At The End".

All this is breaking your suspension of disbelief. It has to. No person withstands this much acknowledgement of fictionality without feeling detached. That's important. I want you to remember I'm not real. That this article is written by one of you - two of you, now, if my readings are correct - and there's no need to incorporate it into how you see our reality. I need you to think "Yeah, alright, I guess that was kinda fun, but obviously it's not CANON". You know the drill…

There is no canon.