Note: With the end of True Blood looming in the distance (like a big scary vampire castle), the ending of The Boondocks well behind us (just like racism) and the inevitable violent death of Game of Thrones (just like ... well, every character), it's easy to start feeling pretty pessimistic about the state of modern TV. But with this Cracked Classic, we're prepared to remind you that things could be much, much worse. Just so much worse. Be thankful for everything you have because the alternative is too terrible to imagine. -Cracked

There are two ways to wrap up a canceled or ending TV show. There's the oft employed looking back at an empty room and closing the door option. Then there's the "WTF! Let's stab their eyeballs with crazy!" approach.

7 ALF is Sent Off to be Tortured and Dissected

In 1986, a friendly, wise-cracking alien crashed into the Tanner's garage, claiming to be the only survivor of his destroyed planet of Melmac. Despite being able to fluently speak English and explaining that his name is Gordon Shumway, the Tanners dubbed him ALF (for Alien Life Form) and only refer to him as such from then on. Kind of a dick move now that we think about it.

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Initially, the Tanners weren't very happy to house a short smartass who wanted to eat their cat, but they soon realized the gravity of the situation after a man from the Alien Task Force showed up at their door. Curious, Kate Tanner asked the man just what would happen to ALF if they did catch him.

Actual quote from the first episode:

"We'll see how it responds to intense heat, freezing cold, high voltage, toxic substances, pain, sleep deprivation, inoculation [that's needles], and, of course, dissection."

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"Why don't you just pull its toenails out?"

"You didn't let me finish."

Forget trying to learn about advanced science from this obviously technically superior species, our government would rather see what he looks like on fire.

Naturally, the Tanners decide that annoying or not, they absolutely have to keep ALF safe from the Alien Task Force so he won't be tortured to death. Over the next four years, the Tanners learned to love ALF and accept him as part of the family, until the Alien Task Force finally caught him!