A “surge of excitement” for a couple in Taiwan reportedly ended with one of a 51-year-old man’s family jewels in a rice bowl and a trip to the hospital.

Mr. Wang and his wife were waiting at the entrance of their home in Taichung City for the paramedics to arrive in the early hours of the day after Christmas: he, with his testicle cradled in a rice bowl; she, repeatedly exclaiming, “I accidentally bit it off!”

The couple has been happily married with two children for many years but will have to continue their romantic pursuits with a more singular approach to their intimate activity. The testicle could not be reattached due to the risk of infection.

His physician explained that they “were concerned that he would not be able to regain proper function of his testicle, which could lead to male infertility in the future.” They will further examine Wang to see if the injury will adversely affect his fertility.

Believe it or not, this isn’t the only family jewel heist of December 2017. Nunzia Del Viscio, age 43, reportedly bit now ex-boyfriend Marcello Palma’s testicle out of his scrotum in a fight that resulted from his refusal of a threesome after a night allegedly spent drinking vodka and taking drugs. She was placed under limited house arrest and ordered to pay Palma £500.

And now that you have read this far, please accept this as an apology.

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