MIDWEST REGION

1. Everyone's favorite

16. No players over 6'4

8. Self-conscious because they know they should be a 9

9. Vengeful because they know they should be an 8

5. Obnoxious pressing defense will win them one game at most

12. So many people picking them to upset that it's not even worth it

4. At least three of these guys will play in Turkey next year

13. Cool jerseys are all they have going for them

6. You'll change a pick to them at the last second and regret it

11. Star is coach's son, but doesn't get preferential treatment, he swears

3. Star freshman filling out NBA Draft paperwork during commercials

14. Best GPAs in the tourney by far

7. Women's basketball program is much better

10. Named after a signer of the constitution you've never heard of

2. Drake's favorite

15. One extremely good player and a bunch of scrubs

WEST REGION

1. Actually going to win

16. Just happy to be here

8. Coach's facial expressions way more entertaining than actual team

9. Playing so close to campus, it's practically a home game

5. Enrollment of 5,000, somehow great at basketball

12. Football school

4. Your sleeper pick, will lose in the second round

13. Barely won a garbage conference

6. 12 guys with the same haircut

11. Hockey school?

3. Absolutely should not be this high

14. [Cardinal Direction] [State You've Never Been to]

7. Best player looks 34 years old

10. ... Lacrosse school?

2. Any win they get will be vacated someday

15. Coach gunning for a much better job

EAST REGION

1. No, they could not beat the Sixers

16. Will get everyone excited with a strong first half, then lose by 20

8. Wait, hasn't their best player been in college since like 2003?

9. Preseason top 5 team here on reputation alone

5. "Wildcats"

12. "Wildcats"

4. Right before gameday half the team will get hurt

13. Whole lineup will transfer to major programs this summer

6. Would be good if their best player wasn't suspended

11. Couldn't guess what state they're from if you had 10 chances

3. All your Facebook friends from high school went here

14. Somehow another "Cal State ___" you've never heard of

7. Exclusively shoots threes

10. Sub-.500, but in a power conference

2. Announcers won't stop calling them "blue collar" and "scrappy"

15. Your alma mater, which you didn't even realize had a basketball team

SOUTH REGION

1. Duke ... wait, what!?

16. Play-in winners!

8. How did so many Australian guys end up on one team?

9. An 8-year-old will pick them as champs by accident and win your pool because of it

5. Gets every win on a buzzer-beater

12. This year's Cinderella but somehow nobody picked them

4. On one last tourney run before the impending NCAA investigation

13. Team sucks, pep band is AMAZING

6. Multiple NBA players, no shot at winning anything here

11. 27-game win streak, but no one takes them seriously

3. Drake's other favorite

14. Has some sort of weird bug of a mascot

7. Best player's zany parent will be on camera constantly

10. Spent more time planning elaborate celebration dances than practicing

2. Everyone's picking them to get upset. They'll make the Final Four.

15. Had one famous upset like 15 years ago

Click to expand the full bracket:

(Shoutout to Jared Dubin for inspiration)

(Shoutout to Rodger Sherman, Elena Bergeron, Ricky O'Donnell, Mike Prada, and Dan Rubenstein for helping)

(Shoutout to fish, just in general)