Today's Lineups:

Home Team

Shadious Beavertown (ShadyBeaver)

Bernard Westmayne (DynamiteShovel)

Ripper the Wolf (Ripper the Wolf)

Xeaon Ravenwood (Xeaon)

Balasar Shieldbiter (Daiko)

Unavailable

Kilgan Fireheart V (Vilhjalmir) - Gulag

Thoran Stonecrusher (HarryGoLucky) - Busy

Away Team

Dungeon Master (jptoc)

Townspeople (jptoc)

Unavailable

Forest (Fire)

Where We Left Off:

The Party have managed to burn down a forest, threaten a storewoman, have a bar fight, curse Thoran, fight mini golems and meet a 7 foot tall Scottish Dragonborn. It's now time for their second day in Phandalin. Get fucking ready, townspeople.

* * *

0 - AND WE'RE OFF!

16 - The Party make their way towards Bori Skullscar, the Enchanter who resides in Phandalin.

17 - We're shit talking Dreamcatche... OH GOD, POSH BEAVERTOWN HAS RETURNED! THIS IS WONDERFUL! Nope he's stopped. Fuck.

18 - Shadious leads off with the Scroll of Pedigree. Classic Beavertown.

19 - Bori doesn't care about the Scroll and offers everyone a cup of treant tea.

20 - Tiny tables and tiny chairs. The nine foot tall Balasar isn't amused.

22 - Beavertown talks about his wands that happen to be created by Bori who rambles on.

24 - Shadious trys to convince Bori to create a wand that puts out a fire. Irrigates too, I guess.

27 - Bori has a ring with a jet black gem in the center, but he has no idea what it does. Beavertown grabs it and wears it.

28 - Turns out it protects Shadious from Necrotic damage. Probably.

29 - Bernard is given the 'Belt of a Monkey'. Stops him from taking falling damage. Bernard doesn't agree to do good.

31 - Xeaon is tempted by the 'Dagger of the Sun'. When he says a word, the dagger glows yellow. This seems useful with a nearby thief.

32 - Now it's the 'Cloak of the Man-Ta Ray' that makes him look cool. He's being a bit fucking picky.

35 - Xeaon convinces Bori to give him the Man-Ta Ray cloak for free.

36 - Bernard and Shadious swap their items.

38 - Balasar gets the Sending Stones. He can talk through rocks like a phone.

42 - Beavertown talks to Balasar. Balasar's not impressed. Beavertown tries to rob him as a result.

43 - Beavs fails miserably and ends up trying to rub Balasar's arse.

44 - It's Ripper's turn. Bernard buys him a lily.

45 - Xeaon asks how Bori enchanter the Mini-Golems.

47 - Bori's heard of Balasar's great exploits in kicking the golems. The Legend has begun!

48 - Beavertown isn't happy about these 'fucking gnomes'.

49 - Beavertown unleashes the Scroll again as he talks to the town's Sister, who was bullied by the Red guys.

50 - Beavertown starts speaking Goblin to her. She's not understanding. He starts shit talking her.

51 - The Sister is all bruised.

52 - Her superiors tasked her to talk to the Banshee, Agatha, about a spell book, but she didn't bring a suitable gift.

53 - She offers the Party three potions if they'd help her. Beavertown wants more. Fucking Beavertown.

55 - The Banshee made the Sister run off. She didn't even get struck, the wimp. Fucking nuns.

56 - Beavertown touches Balasar again. Balasar threatens to throw a stone at him.

57 - The Party move north and hear some rustling in the nearby bushes. Xeaon throws a fireball at the bush.

60 - Two rabbits run out and starting asking for help as their bushes begin to burn down. For fuck sake, this country is doomed.

62 - The Rabbits can talk because a fire burned down their forest, killing hundreds of rabbits. For fuck sake, Xeaon.

63 - The Party decide to help the rabbits.

64 - Rabbit has a tiny sword on its back.

65 - Balasar questions Xeaon's pyromania. Xeaon doesn't care.

66 - Beavs stole my fucking 'down the rabbit hole' joke. The dick. Rabbits are fucking. Fucking Rabbits.

67 - The Rabbits are called Hoppy and Bunny O'Snuffles...

68 - Balasar is currently struggling to walk through the rabbit's warren.

69 - Hoppy wants The Party to chain up Ripper at the entrance. This is a fucking disgrace.

70 - Bernard casts Animal Speak and tries to convince Ripper to be calm and courteous to our rabbit hosts. Ripper wants to eat.

71 - Beavertown tries to sell Bernard a goblin toe for one gold. Ripper's not fucking having this. He's about to start slaughtering rabbits.

72 - Bernard now owes Bernard a favour. This won't end well.

73 - The Party turn the corner and walk into a massive area of the warren, which is large enough for Balasar to stand in. There's small huts and stairs, there's market stalls, bridges and blacksmiths a-plenty.

74 - Bunny and Hoppy have a ton of kids. Turns out we might have made the rabbits intelligent with the rogue wand fire. Since this was before Balasar joined, the full blame lies with the other Party members.

76 - Hoppy starts introducing The Party to his thousands of children. Bernard questions if he really needs to be shagging so bloody much. Hoppy tells the tale of the goblins bursting through into the warren.

78 - The Party have burned down a forest, are in the process of burning a second and have inadvertantly created a rabbit militia. I'm genuinely impressed.

80 - The Party now have a team of 4 SAS Bunnies.

81 - The bunnies have created religion and as a result have created explosives. IT'S THE HOLY HAND GRENADE. If the party solve the issue, they get grenades and discount grenades AND we set up a trading post.

82 - Beavertown claims the grenades. Fuck sake, we're giving him too much power.

83 - Shadious with the scroll again. He gets the party some daggers.

84 - Balasar gets a dagger and bites clean through it. These rabbits are going to die.

85 - Beavertown tries to check if the Rabbits are witholding information. They don't seem to be.

88 - The rabbits go on ahead to check if the road ahead is clear. The Party continue to distrust the rabbits.

90 - The Party sneak over the cave in that was ahead.

91 - The party are greeted by several chewed up rabbit corpses, and in the distance there's several fires.

92 - Beavertown tries to sneak around the goblins, but he gets spotted.

94 - Shadious immediately fires a wand at 'Gob' the Goblin.

95 - An immediate blast of light flashes out of the wand and Gob turns into dust.

99 - Balasar charges at G-Unit the Goblin, scimitars drawn, and misses the first swing, but he cleaves the goblin in half with the second. G-Unit down.

101 - Bernard and Ripper are up. Ripper charges at Gruel and bites into its shield. Bernard pushes in and strikes Gruel with his crossbow bolt and pierces his throat.

104 - Xeaon moves into the cave and fires Grease at the fire by G-Spot and Gareth the Goblins. G-Spot slips and falls, but Gareth stands tall. The Grease catches fire and cooks G-Spot to a crisp, while Gareth catches fire but keeps moving.

107 - SAS Bunny Time. The four surround Gangrene the Goblin and start stabbing away. Gangrene takes two hits and the rabbits retreat into a safe spot.

109 - Generosity the Goblin moves forward and stands by the edge of the flames. Gangrene the Goblin decides to attack Balasar. Both Gangrene and Generosity fire their crossbows at Balasar, but their bolts just ping off of his armour, doing nothing more than irritating him.

111 - Shadious fires a bow at Gangrene, but misses and then retreats once more. He then hides.

112 - Balasar charges forward and slices Gangrene's limbs off. Three down.

114 - Bernard moves forward and casts Vicious Mockery at Generosity. Generosity doesn't bite on that shit though. Go on, son! Gareth continues to run away.

116 - Xeaon adds more fire to the fire and fires another fireball at Generosity. Barely hits though. Generosity is tanking this shit.

117 - Squad Team Rabbit charge forward and slice at Generosity the Goblin. Generosity takes several quick hits, but just manages to survive.

159 - Gareth keeps running away as Generosity follows suit. The fight's partly over.

160 - The Party charge after them.

167 - Beavertown charges into the cave and unfortunately runs straight into Git and Gareth the Goblins. Shadious swipes at them, dealing damage and then begins to run back, but Git and Gareth react. Git misses his swing, but Gareth lands a quick blow in the arm of Beavertown.

169 - RABBIT TIME IS A-GO! They run in and charge at the Goblins' Orc leader, who is roasting Hoppy's dad.

170 - Garp the Goblin takes a big hit from Hoppy, who stabs Garp through the eye. The rest of the rabbits swing but miss. Useless.

172 - Balasar swings at a Goblin but misses poorly. The Cleavatron 1000 has been stopped momentarilly.

175 - Bernard fires his Crossbow at Bork the Orc. Miss. Ripper comes in and chomps away at Balasar's Goblin and tears its fucking throat out. G'wan Ripper!

178 - More Grease. Bork, Generosity and Garp stand tall. It catches fire though and they all take major damage with it causing Garp and Generosity to drop dead screaming. Bork stands tall though.

181 - One of the Goblins swings at Balasar, but his blade just bounces off the Dragonborn's mighty chest. Xeaon takes two hits from Gareth and Gunk, dealing monstrous damage.

182 - Bork charges at Balasar, swinging his monstrous greataxe, dealing severe damage.

184 - Beavertown fires at Bork, dealing heavy damage with his wand. No immediate effect is seen.

185 - The rabbits charge Gareth. One big hit from Scarface McMurder is enough to end Gareth's miserable life.

186 - The rest charge at Gunk, but they miss and then retreat.

187 - Balasar lops Bork's head off in disgust. Fuck you and your fucking damage.

189 - Bernard tries to heal Xeaon, but it seems like the Wand effect has caused him to fail.

190 - Ripper charges at Gunk, but misses his attack, diving into the cave wall instead.

191 - Git the Goblin charges Ripper and swings dealing heavy damage. Gunk fires at Balasar but it just misses and hits Gavin instead. Fuck sake, Gunk.

193 - Beavertown fires an arrow at Git, dealing major damage, killing Git on the spot.

194 - The Rabbit Army are go again! Failures.

195 - Balasar charges Gunk. It's not a clean kill. God damn, Dragonborns are too great.

197 - The loot is divvied up amongst the party. Bernard grabs an Orcish love letter, Balasar takes a Greataxe, Xeaon grabs the Orcish Armour and Beavertown was surprisingly quiet. This is concerning.

203 - The Rabbits approach the Party and thank them for their help. The Party now have access to a supply of Holy Hand Grenades of Rabbitabad.

206 - They also ask the Party to point the town in their direction and assist the rabbits.

206 - Goblin Scourge the Rabbit is almost bitched out by Bernard, but he responds back with some fucking napalm. Bernard's done.

207 - Goblin Scourge has joined the Party. That's game, mate. We're now discussing CasualUK Roll20 Rule34 fan art.