Reimu Hakurei has come out of her self-imposed seclusion to announce the newly completed adult entertainment establishment called Hopeless Assquerade. Located just outside the Human Village, this gentlemen’s club will be home to such mystic beauties as Marisa Kirisame, Alice Margatroid, the magnificent Suika Ibuki, and of course Reimu herself. I had the opportunity to interview the enterprising shrine maiden on the subject.

Aya: Let’s cut the chit chat and get to the question that’s on everyone’s mind. How the hell did you get Alice in on this? The last time she left her house, it was to stake effigies to your shrine.

Reimu: She’s a tough bitch, but Mama Mari pays her in sex so it works out.

Aya: Mama Mari?

Reimu: Marisa’s pim- showbusiness name.

Aya: I see. So how much for a go with the ladies?

Reimu: I’m not running a brothel you retarded undercooked turkey. *mutters* $50 for a round on Easy. $250 for the entire Lunatic package. Extra stages are another $30. No continues.

Aya: Duly noted. Planning any particular festivities for your grand opening?

Reimu: Bet your ass we are. We’ve got this hot piece of ass, her name’s Kokoro, and she’s got this crazy set. Now get this, she comes on stage wearing nothing but masks. Can you believe that shit? Even off the stage her fucking casual pants have smiley face holes in them. She was born for this job!

Aya: There’s something that’s been bothering me. This is a gentlemen’s club, right?

Reimu: Yeah.

Aya: Since when were there men in Gensokyo?

Reimu: They’re all over the fucking place. We’ve got Kourin … and uh, Youmu’s old man … and Kourin. Say, didn’t the Buddhist Bitch have a kid brother?

Aya: I’ll pass the word on to him the next time I pass the cemetery. One final question: Who are you looking to add to your staff?

Reimu: Funny you ask, birdbrain, we’re having auditions right now and you’re first up.