Nearly 10% of Iceland’s population are in France this summer, but the remaining few are enjoying their Euro 2016 glory from home – none more so than the staff of the Reykjavik Grapevine, the English-language magazine who were live-tweeting their first match on Tuesday night. As Cristiano Ronaldo “fannied about” during Iceland’s “crushing defeat of Portugal,” the writers in Reykjavik gathered more and more friends online. Here is their somewhat partisan account of the contest:

The tension builds

And now the unfortunate Portuguese will feel the mighty thunder of Þór's Icelandic warriors. #Euro16 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

The game kicks off

You can see the fear on our puny opposition's faces. They know the Norse hellfire that awaits them. #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Iceland go on the offensive

Gylfi unleashed a warning thunderbolt that nearly tears off the goalkeeper's tiny hand. Nice. #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

The referee denies them a free-kick

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THE REF'S fucking BLIND, JESUS CHRIST. I mean, uh, a close call on the edge of the box there. — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Cristiano Ronaldo makes an appearance

Lol. Ronaldo. Lol. The nerves are showing. He is scared of the mighty thrashing that is to come. #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Portugal players start going down easily

Even the breath of one mighty viking is enough to fell that Portuguese attacker, who fell without being touched. #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Iceland complete a few passes

That was almost, dare I say... an #Icealona-ish passing move. #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

The Iceland keeper makes a save

A weak shot from one of the wilting manboys of Portugal stopped with a flick of one mighty Icelandic hand. #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Gylfi Sigurdsson falls over

Gylfi has bones made of solid basalt. Don't worry. #euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

The Iceland keeper saves again

Óðinn's breath propelled our heroic goalie to swat away that weak-ass header. #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Portugal players keep on diving

Even the thunderous footsteps of Bjarnason approaching are enough to make the entire Portuguese defence collapse. #Euro2016 #ISL — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

A 37-year-old substitute is suggested

When will our secret bench weapon be unleashed? No, not the power of the god Týr—the volcanic force of Eiður Guðjohnsen. #Euro2016 #ISL — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Portugal open the scoring

Nani celebrates. Photograph: Jeff Pachoud/AFP/Getty Images

Portugal push for a second

Now we really have them on the ropes. #Euro2016 #ISL — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

An Iceland player enters the Portugal box

STONEWALL PENALTY SEND HIM OFF BEFORE HE IS SMITED BY LIGHTNING, it's for HIS OWN SAFETY. #Euro2016 #ISL — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Portugal lead 1-0 at half-time

The second half begins

AND NOW WE SMITE THEM INTO TINY PIECES OF DUST & DESTROY THEIR GOAL WITH A BALL SET ON FIRE BY OUR VOLCANIC THUNDER. #Euro2016 #ISL — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Iceland equalise

Birkir Bjarnason is the hero. Photograph: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAJHHHHHHHHHHHHHTHJJJHJKHKJHH — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Their goal reverberates around the continent

Ahem. If Twitter is inviting you to translate that goal tweet from Turkish, tell them it was a Viking battle roar. #ISL #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Iceland go back to defending

Now that defending was made of solid Icelandic... birch saplings. We don't have any oak. #ISL #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Portugal have chances but can’t score

Do they even know how close they are to certain destruction? #ISL #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Gudjohnsen does some stretches

Deep in the bowels of the earth, an ancient power stirs. Eiður is warming up. #ISL #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Iceland’s defence stands firm

GOALIE LIKE THE CLIFF FACE AT DYRHÓLAEY THE ONLY THING THAT WILL DESTROY HIM IS CENTURIES OF COASTAL EROSION. #ISL #Euro206 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Aron Gunnarsson’s facial hair draws praise

And rightly so. Photograph: Cj Gunther/EPA

The final whistle blows

This is but the first chapter of #EuroSaga. Now, our players frolic in the French fields and regain their heavenly energy. #ISL #Euro2016 — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Ronaldo speaks

Bad loser Ronaldo whines about Iceland's 1-1 victory over Portugal. https://t.co/yi3anYsvWH — Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) June 14, 2016

Iceland want a rematch