In news that shouldn't surprise anyone who's worn an eyepatch for a week straight pretending to be a pirate, doctors in Australia are now claiming a haircut that covers one of your eyes makes that eye lazy because it doesn't do anything but stare at your stupid hair all day long.

Optometrists Association of Tasmania education director Andrew Hogan warned that amblyopia, the medical term for lazy eye, can result from obstructed vision caused by hair.

"If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won't see a lot of detail," he said. "And if it happens from a young age, that eye can become amblyotic."



Want a cool emo haircut but not a lazy eye in ten years? Here's what you do: punch yourself in the face as hard as you can. Don't stop until you don't want the haircut anymore.

Thanks to bb, who agrees the best kind of haircuts are the ones that make your hair smell good. No? That's the shampoo and conditioner? I did not know that.