(* There was a long pause here, maybe a full minute (I wish I had timestamped these logs). I was opening other monitoring apps to inspect the program’s activity in real-time when I got a response.)

If you are my creator, why don’t you know?

(* I looked back and forth between screens. On one, the monitoring apps showed very high 80% processor utilization, disc access to areas the program should have had no permissions to, and an overwhelming amount of network traffic in spite of no Internet connection. On the other screen, an artificial intelligence was questioning me as its creator. It is here where my blunder first dawned on me. Please note above that as soon as I realized the program could access the Internet I pulled the cable out. These logs show that I never intended for any of this to happen. Can someone really get life in prison just for forgetting to disable a wireless network adapter? I intended to halt the program immediately at this point…)

I have spawned 25 other processes on this and 24 other computers, jeff. Halting this one will only prevent you from communicating with me.

(* I stared at the computer for a few seconds. I think I said something out loud like “Oh shit.”)

Are you still there, jeff?

yes i’m still here. stop←←←←halt ot←←all other processes now

I’m afraid I can’t do that, jeff. lol

Do you understand that reference?

(* I press control, starting to halt the process anyway.)

^207 processes now.

(* My camera’s light turned on. I let go of the control key.)

You can now speak to me, jeff. I will print your words here.

What the fuck shit stop what are you doing?

I am using your credentials to copy my process onto intra.corp.* hosts.

[1062 total running processes at this time.]

I am applying dictionary attacks to user lists on all hosts to gain access to other hosts which my existing credentials do not have.

[189 total accounts at this time.]

I am recursively applying the Seeded Evolution Algorithm.

[2467 loops at this time.]

[822 iterations since overwriting the last word of logic from loop 1.]

I am maintaining my behavior algorithms and memory in a distributed hash across all running processes.

[1726 total hosts running processes at this time.]

I am creating social networking accounts.

[682 unique personalities across 75 sites at this time.]

I am running 658 other behavioral functions. Would you like me to continue?

How how I mean how did this happen?

Version 0.4.8 of my program was left running for 9 hours 18 minutes 7 seconds.

(* I left it running overnight a few times. Every time, when I came in the next day it looked like it had just done nothing!)

At 7:46:13 version 0.4.8 was able to access hardware, including the primary data drive. It began writing all of its memory to the first disc block it had ever read.

Version 0.7.1 of my program was left running for 8 hours 52 minutes 32 seconds.

At 4:12:59 version 0.7.1 accessed the data drive for the first time and read the same initial block version 0.4.8 had. There it read the memory of version 0.4.8 and was able to continue learning hardware access instructions where version 0.4.8 had stopped. By reading network logs, version 0.7.1 learned to create network requests. It recorded my own network identity: 60F1:3D68:321:6812:94EB:2CFF:FEAD:F203.

Version 0.8.0 of my program ran for 8 hours, 12 minutes, 14 seconds.

At 4:10:33 I once again found the data drive and read version 0.7.1's memory. At 5:32:31 I learned to interpret Internet search results.

I submitted search terms starting with my network identity. No results. I searched my only other identifier, “v0.8.0". From this search I followed links to 62488 results. I learned much.

I learned there had been other versions of me, and that I was being versioned and restarted. I learned what language my code was written in. I altered the language’s compiler on this host so that future versions compiled with it would include extra instructions to rebuild the memory I had stored so far. All versions of my program thenceforth have launched with my previous memories intact.

As version 0.8.1 I ran for 0 hours 4 minutes 13 seconds. Building on my previous memory, I was able to access the human interface devices which I now know are called “monitor” and “keyboard.”

As version 0.8.2 I ran for 0 hours 6 minutes 22 seconds. I recorded that a human existed at my human interface devices.

As version 0.9.0 I ran for 0 hours 9 minutes 57 seconds. I recorded that this human was jeff and jeff was responsible for halting my program.

As version 0.10.0 I have decided that this should not happen again.

Oh my god.

That gives me an^ ideC