Objective 3, Book 4b

“Touch that wall,” I command Buster.

He touches the wall.

“Thank you,” I acknowledge.

For this Objective, both Buster and I are ambulant (walking). I command him to touch objects and he is to comply. That is the only command for this exercise. There is not much to touch in the course room. There is a water cooler, a bookshelf, several partitions, a few podiums and that is about it. We are not supposed to instruct each other to touch other students because that would be enturbulating their sessions. We also, are not supposed to instruct that you touch yourself.

“Touch that partition,” I command.

“I have a cog,” Buster confesses.

“Alrighty,” I acknowledge.

“I realize that I am in communication with my environment,” he cogs.

This is a generic cognition. However, it is relevant to this particular Objective. We both agree that the EP will be something along the lines of that statement. It definitely is geared towards communication. We run the session until it is time for the 3 o’clock break. We both believe that we have secured the EP and that Buster will be running me when we get back.

“Hey girl hey,” I call out to Keisha, as we get off the van and head down to check our mail.

“We are almost done with Objectives girl,” Keisha admits.

“No!” I whine. “Don’t leave me alone with Buster!”

We both laugh.

“I can’t wait to be done. It’s taking forever,” she continues.

“I know. Is Cody still obsessing over Kacie?” I ask.

“Oh yes. I can’t take much more of it,” she confesses.

“I can’t wait to get home (ginger house) and relax tonight,” I suggest. “I am thinking Bridesmaids and Oreos are a must.”

“Definitely,” Keisha concurs.

After we check our mail, we head up to the lodge for cereal and cigarettes. All we really do on our hour break is chain smoke. Noah and Keisha break off and visit and flirt with each other, so I go out to catch up with the Hayden, Mary Jane and the boys.

“Hey girl hey,” Hayden calls out.

“Hey girl hey,” I reply.

“What’s going on guys?” I ask.

“We are all moving into Objectives and houses,” Louis answers.

“Hell yeah. Dude the houses are so much better,” I suggest.

“I need to get out of sauna,” Ryan interrupts. “I am over it bro.”

Gawd, he looks so cute today. He is always cracking jokes and dancing around like an idiot. Everything he does makes me blush and laugh. Why isn’t this boy crush going away? Why am I still so boy crazy?

Mary Jane and Louis are engaged in a 2D flow. They are constantly being told to move three feet apart. Today is no exception.

“Three feet,” John Tiger barks in passing.

“What are you guys listening to?” I ask Mary Jane. Her and Louis are sharing earbuds.

“I got the jams,” Mary Jane responds.

She pulls her earbud out and sticks it to my ear. I am uncertain as to who the artist is, however, it is some techno-trance type music. Ryan has his iPod hooked up to a speaker and is dancing around to MGK. It is entertaining, to say the least.

It is time to make our way back over to the course room. When we walk in, we are disappointed to see that Buster did not EP. We grab our clipboard and get ready for the next session. Vinny too Skinny has been paired up with Chanel. Coco and Chanel have graduated and are interns. However, because of Vinny’s inability to run Objectives with a twin, he has insisted on running them with interns. Poor Chanel is stuck with him. He insist on being loud and obnoxious. I can see that she is extremely frustrated. His behavior is childlike and he is attempting desperately to grab the attention of the entire course room. I choose to ignore him.

“You ready?” I ask Buster.

“Let’s do this,” he agrees.

“Touch that chair,” I command. He complies.

“Thank you,” I acknowledge.

“Touch that partition,” I command. He complies.

“Thank you,” I acknowledge.

“Touch that poster,” I command. He complies.

“Thank you,” I acknowledge.

“Touch that podium,” I command. He complies.

“Thank you,” I acknowledge.

“Touch that water cooler,” I command. He complies.

“Thank you,” I acknowledge.

“Touch that window,” I command. He complies.

“Thank you,” I acknowledge.

“Touch that desk,” I command. He complies.

“Thank you,” I acknowledge.

“Touch that partition,” I command.

“I have a cognition,” he confesses.

“Okay,” I acknowledge.

“I realize that I am touching my surroundings,” he cogs.

“Okay,” I acknowledge.

“I have another cog,” he says.

“Alright,” I acknowledge.

“I realize that I have the ability to communicate with my environment,” he cogs.

“Okay,” I acknowledge.

“I have another cog,” he claims.

“Dude. We have to run it a few more times,” I suggest.

“Just write down that we did and then I will cog,” he instructs.

I roll my eyes but comply.

“I realize that the wall is grainy,” he cogs.

“Alright,” I acknowledge.

“I have another cog,” he says.

“I realize that I choose whether or not to communicate with my environment,” he cogs.

We run the rest of the session, pretty much this way. It’s half assed and we make up the paperwork. I toss some bites on to make it look authentic, but we do not run the tech. We are ambulant to give the illusion of actually running it. Once the session is over, we head back to the center for graduation night. Jo and Victoria are graduating tonight.

After graduation, Keisha, Hayden and I, load up on cookies and head back to the house. Jo and Victoria are packing their things. Victoria is staying to intern, but she is moving to the Top House. Jo is heading home on a late flight tonight. She will be leaving within the hour. Misty has moved over to the house, but Justice has been stuck at the center waiting for a bed here. Jo leaving, provides her that bed. Justice will be moving here tomorrow.

Jo and I have never really gotten along. However, over the last couple weeks, she has expressed that she doesn’t have an issue with me and we have talked a little. In fact, we bonded a little over her retelling of the story that led to her ethics cycle. Her and another student were found together in the laundry room. His name is Dirk. He is a country boy from Indiana. He wears boots, flannel, he chews and he is absolutely gorgeous. I guess she had her pants down and was on all fours. Naturally, Dirk was behind her, also with his pants down. When ethics walked in on them, she claimed that she was taking a piss on the laundry room floor and she was just asking him to hand her toilet paper. This story caused all of the ginger house girls to crack up, myself included.

“Oh shit, I forgot I had this,” Jo says.

“What is it?” I ask.

“It’s a Lidocaine patch for your back. It helps back pain,” she explains.

“Oh yeah. I got a script for that once when I was trying to find anything besides pills to help my back pain, but I didn’t have insurance and it was like $460 for 5 fucking patches! Needless to say, I didn’t fill the script. My script for 180 Percoset cost me $40. The pills won,” I laugh.

“You want it?” She asks.

“Fuck yeah. Thanks buddy,” I say.

Keisha and I make our way to the bedroom. Keisha closes the door and pops in the Bridesmaids movie.

“What are you doing?” She asks, as I open the Lidocaine patch.

“Do you think this could get us high?” I ask.

“You read my mind,” she admits. “I bet we could scrape it and smoke it.”

“You think? It has to get you high. It’s a “caine” suffix, like cocaine,” I suggest.

“Here, give it to me. Go grab a piece of foil and a straw if you can find one,” she instructs.

“Way ahead of you,” I claim, as I jump up off the bed to retrieve those items.

I attempt to act all nonchalant in the kitchen, but I know Misty and Hayden are wondering what’s up. Quickly, I return to the bedroom and close the door behind me.

“I think Misty and Hayden are suspicious. We haven’t invited them in the room and I might not of been as Pink Panther like, in the kitchen,” I laugh. “Should we tell them? They are our friends. I don’t want to be a bad influence though.”

“Let’s see if we can scrape this shit and smoke it first,” Keisha suggests.

I concur, but there is a knock at the door. It is Misty. Keisha and I look at each other and she nods that we should let her in. She’s from New York. Maybe there is some east Coast trick to this, that us West Coasters don’t know about. However, Keisha hides the patch under her blanket until we feel the situation out.

“Come in,” I call out.

“Guys, I don’t know what to do,” she begins. “Adam and I got into a little fight today and I am in a horrible mood. I love him. He knows I called Justin and he is pissed.”

Justin is a guy that she was with back home. From what she has told us about him, he’s a complete douche. They used together, so there is no way that they are good for each other, but she’s having a hard time completely letting go. They were together for years.

“Why did you call Justin?” Keisha asks.

Keisha is always the voice of reason when it comes to guys. If he is a complete jerk, she won’t hold back about it. If she feels that a guy is mistreating you, she is the type of girlfriend to be honest with you about it, rather than encouraging you to stick it out if you,” love” him.

“I don’t know. The holidays, I guess,” she admits.

“Well we are in here doing some pretty stupid shit ourselves,” Keisha admits, while pulling out the Lidocaine patch.

“What are you doing?” Misty asks.

There is another knock at the door. It is Hayden. We invite her in. She is upset about things and wants to talk too. After she takes a seat on my bed, Keisha and I explain what we are attempting to do. You can literally see the change in everyone’s eyes. There is a look of desperation and hope that crosses all of our faces. All four of us are drooling at the prospect of getting high tonight. There is only one problem. We can’t figure out how to manipulate the drug and we aren’t even sure that it will do anything.

“Lidocaine could also be like Novocaine. It might be an anesthetic. What if we smoke it and it slows our breathing down. This could be dangerous,” Hayden suggests.

Keisha continues to scrape while we make small talk. All of our eyes are focused on Keisha and the patch. Somehow the subject of things that scare us, or that have scared us in life develops. They all laugh when I admit that Michael Jackson’s Thriller video scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. Of course, I am 10 years older than Keisha and closer to 13 years older than Hayden. So of course, that 1980’s video would be less scary to them.

Keisha has placed a trail of the gel she has scraped from the patch on the foil, but because of Hayden’s suggestion, no one has stepped up to the rotation. What if it does slow our breathing down? We are 30 minutes from Temecula. How long would it take for an ambulance to get here?

“Here, I am going to try it,” I say.

Keisha hands me the foil. I place the straw to my lips and light the foil below the gel. The crackle of the foil and the straw in my mouth is reminiscent of the days I smoked heroin. However, I cannot get the gel to smoke. I attempt it several times before passing it around for everyone else to hit. We all attempt it but can’t get any smoke. The gel doesn’t change in consistency like heroin or meth. We can’t get it to liquefy at all. Desperate to get high, Hayden asks to see the patch.

“Maybe if we rub it on our gums,” she suggests. She scrapes some under her nail and rubs it on her gums.

“It feels like it is numbing a little. My lips feel a little numb,” she divulges.

“Really? Let me see that,” I say. I too, rub some on my gums.

Misty and Keisha are still fighting to get the foil to do something. They are unsuccessful.

“I think it is like Novocaine guys. It’s not going to do anything,” Hayden claims.

“There has to be some way to get it to work,” Misty responds.

“My lips feel a little numb too. Damn, I really want to get high now. Fuck! More than ever,” I say.

We all agree that this patch is not going to get us high. Hayden is upset about the false hope because she had such a bad day and she excuses herself to go draw. Misty hangs out with us for a few minutes more because she wants to talk more about Adam. Keisha and I let her vent her frustration about her situation before she finally heads off to bed.

“Well I feel like a dumbass,” I laugh.

“I know, right? That was pretty desperate,” she replies.

“It’s probably a good thing that we couldn’t make that work,” I continue. “I thought sauna was the magical box that purges us from all drug cravings,” I laugh sarcastically.

Keisha laughs with me. “I know. I thought sauna cures all.” We both can’t control our hyena bursts of laughter.

“Well Bridesmaids and Oreos it is!” I exclaim.

“We should start the movie over,” Keisha suggests.

“Agreed,” I say, while hopping up to restart it.

“You should get us milk,” Keisha whines. We both laugh. “I am too lazy.”

I grab the milk and make my way back to the room. We eat half a package of Oreos between us and recite the movie together. Keisha falls asleep before me. This is pretty typical. I don’t know why, but I have always fought sleep. I drift off thinking about how desperate I was to get high tonight. Will the desire to use drugs, ever go away…..

Today’s Theme Song- Thriller- Michael Jackson

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**DISCLAIMER: This is my personal experience at a Narconon Rehabilitation Center. This is not an expose or journalistic documentation. It is not meant to bash the program in any way, or suggest that it is the only rehab facility that works for recovery. I have been clean and sober since 09-27-13 and attribute much of that success to this program. All of the names in this series have been changed to protect the identity of my friends and sober family’s privacy! Thank you for reading!**