Just over a week ago, I published a story airing my own views on why men were opting out of dating, relationships and marriage. I also pointed out that there were critics of such men deciding to make a personal decision of the aforementioned life paths. Such critics range across the political spectrum from the expected traditional right wing conservatives who would naturally baulk at the idea of people of such opting-out, all the way to the left wing feminists and anti-feminist rationalists — liberal, libertarian, centrist and authoritarian alike.

Since then, I have taken time to reflect and notice further the failings of people who are critical of such choices to counteract them with a rational, intellectually undefeatable argument as has been done with the ideologies of religion and feminism. The debunking of concepts such as creationism, patriarchy, the wage gap and so forth have been done many a time by atheists, rationalists and scientists. But yet when it comes to the decisions which have seen men opt out of the aforementioned life paths, intellectual rigour and inquiry has been largely missing, instead the easier option of finding low hanging fruit to discredit a whole group of men by exposing the most extreme examples has been the path followed by the many. In the worst case examples, guilt by association fallacies, ad hominem attacks and sex shaming have been used.

Now, why do I mention bachelorhood instead of MGTOW? Men wishing to opt-out of marriage as well as dating and relationships is a growing trend — not a majority of the general public for the latter two but a growing number. The difference between bachelors and MGTOW is that the former will stay silent and will just opt-out. The latter are more prepared to speak, have no qualms in offending other people and consider marriage to be beyond redemption. The complaints made across the range of those critical of MGTOW can equally apply to bachelors.

In terms of personal make up, you have a small number of extreme views by those on the fringes — such as the actual misogynistic “women are not humans” types within MGTOW (the low hanging fruit I mentioned earlier), Involuntary Celibates, so-called Nice Guys™ and individual outspoken bachelors, a small number of more respected public figures who speak their mind and the silent majority whose views are of a range between extreme and minor.

So what direction do I suggest those critical of bachelorhood and MGTOW do next? Before I answer that question, I present a few cases of things not to do which will ultimately harm your side of the argument.

What not to do

What I can suggest you don’t do is use the personal attacks and emotional arguments I mentioned earlier. As I mentioned in my previous story on Medium, Professor Brad Wilcox Ph.D, the director of the National Marriage Project got a lot of blowback with his Prager University video Be A Man, Get Married and follow-up article in The Federalist, The Divorce Revolution Has Bred An Army Of Woman Haters. His sales pitch in favour of marriage and subsequent suggestion that his critics were basing their decisions on misogyny did not change the minds of his critics. It is the same tactic used by other ideologues such as religious fundamentalists and feminists to shame and force the mind changes of their critics to align with their ideology.

Asking people to “change the label” in terms of MGTOW and bachelor as has happened with Men’s Rights Activists and GamerGate will not work either. All it does is give ammunition to critics who can then easily say that their critics changed the label because they know their ideas are poison. They will just follow the label and repeat their tactics with the new label. You defeat ideas, not labels. The people behind the consumer revolt against unethical gaming journalism known as GamerGate stuck to their guns, stuck to their label and got results.

Another thing mentioned was the use of the state to force bachelors to find partners and marry. Such policies such as bachelor taxes and bachelor bans do not change the minds of whom they target either, have consistently failed in history and only cause stigma. I’d suggest not doing this either.

What to do

Those who are critical of bachelorhood and MGTOW need to tackle the reasons why men are opting out of dating, relationships and marriage by either debunking their choices as irrational, ideologically driven and harmful — as has been the case with creationism and patriarchy; or accept the ideas and help to overcome those issues that have been raised by the men opting out.

I would suggest critics:

Attempt to sell the concept of dating, relationships and marriage to a growing number of cynical and disillusioned group of men.

Tackle the concepts of hypergamy and gynocentrism in the same way creationism and patriarchy have been tackled. With a basis on using scientific findings, statistics and evidence to back-up their argument (as a foreword, TL;DR has already presented numerous scientific citations in support of these concepts in recent YouTube videos). It is also worth attempting to debunk MGTOW concepts such as AWALT, ‘going Galt/ghosting’ and the ‘plantation’ to name three.

Look into the complaints around dating websites and dating in general, as to the complaints men have around difficulty finding a partner on such websites, fear of approaching women in real life due to perceptions of what someone could do (ie. label such a man a creep or a pervert), having their chat logs leaked onto social networks because of being inept at talking to women and the cost of dating to name a few.

Delve into the risk/benefit analysis bachelors have taken when making their decision to opt out of dating, relationships and marriage. Things such as being accused of rape and having your life destroyed, chance of being divorced and losing your assets, the chance of becoming a father without your consent whilst having to pay legally enforced child support for eighteen years and so forth.

Look into the concept as to whether the state has a right to be involved in the personal relationships of couples.

Explore the issues around divorce and why individual cases and policy changes at state level, alongside alimony and child support laws are scaring men away from marriage. Men who follow the MGTOW principles practice the concept of prevention as a cure for these issues.

Instead of aiming for easy, low hanging fruit and ideological positions, but rather aiming for a solid foundation of facts, evidence and scientific basis for your argument to support dating, relationships and marriage, you ensure a more reasoned, fair and persuasive argument. If you cannot debunk the ideas that are presented by bachelors, then you can work toward helping to restore equality and egalitarianism in society and the legal system. I hope my words are heeded and my suggestions taken on board in future debates.