USC has won the last 12 games against Cal. Let’s make it a Baker’s dozen.

Welcome back to Sports by Scondi. Sponsored by Laces Out, Conquest Chronicles, and the several friends I text begging to share my article to gain more viewership.

I hope everyone enjoyed their bye week of not having to care about USC football. Given the attendance at games and the enthusiasm of our fan base, that would make this the seventh consecutive week of not caring. Let’s be honest, you tuned out after the first quarter of the Alabama game and have just been going through the motions ever since. Sure, the games give you a chance to drink and try to turn back the clock before realizing you can never return to college, but you really don’t care about this season. Luckily for you I have some very good news (or bad news depending on who you ask).

It looks like USC is about to make a run. Or at the very least get your hopes up before smashing them into tiny little pieces when you realize you finished second in the Pac-12 South behind Colorado, whose fan base just realized they had a football team this week. But the Trojans winning the rest of their games is not only feasible, it’s likely. Besides the game at Washington, USC will be favored in every game from here on out. 8–4 is on the table. Hell, even 9–3 (or 10–3) can happen. We can still win the Pac-12. We can still make the Rose Bowl.

Most of you don’t care, or maybe you secretly still care too much. Hell, keeping writing those letters to Lynn Swann asking for Coach Helton to be fired for not going undefeated. I’m sure it doesn’t go straight to his spam folder.

Or you can sit back, grab a beer (or twelve), and enjoy this fun team. This is probably going to be Adoree’ and Juju’s last season. Darnold is looking like next year’s Heisman. What more can you want?

What else are you going to do this Thursday? Watch the Jaguars play the Titans?

Game Recap

For those of you who come for the videos and wrestling GIFs.

The Texas Tesla used the open carpool lanes to motor down the field with ease and park himself in the end zone on the Trojans’ opening drive.

“Biggie, Biggie, Biggie can’t you see sometimes your penalties infuriate me”

It’s no secret, Iman collects more flags than a Model UN club. But this is college football, and a pass interference is only 15 yards. Would I like Marshall to stop manhandling receivers while the ball is in the air? Of course. But if the options are a 50-yard touchdown or 15 yards and a first down, the choice is simple.

Tough game for Porter as he kept losing outside containment on the zone read. Luckily for Gustin, the Trojans don’t play another read-option team until…*looks at schedule*

Welp! Looks like four of our next five opponents run a similar offense, so work on setting that edge “Baby Boz”.

Can’t stop a Sam Darnold scramble drill. It has become our most effective red zone offense. Genius play call by Helton.

First Quarter. Seven-point lead. USC fans still unable to relax. Watching this team should come with a Xanax prescription.

Darnold’s ability to make plays is what has been saving this season for the Trojans. Each one of these 3rd down conversions would have had different outcomes from some of our former quarterbacks.

Browne: Panic and throw the ball away

Kessler: Hold onto the ball for 45 seconds before getting demolished by a defender from the blindside

Wittek: Overthrow receiver by 50 yards (kid had a CANNON)

Barkley: Five yard check down on 3rd and 10 after staring down Marquise Lee in double coverage

Check the sky, because you might see some pigs flying after looking at the Trojans’ 3rd down conversion rate the past couple of games. An issue that has plagued us for years seems to have finally stopped once we started having a mobile quarterback. Never give a scholarship to a traditional passer again.

When it’s all said and done, Adoree’s highlight reel might be longer than the movie “Titanic”. I just hope I don’t have to put in a second tape halfway through to watch it all.

TIGHT. END. U.

What a grab by Daniel Imator-”City by the”-bhebhe. Looking forward to his younger brother Josh in the next couple of seasons if this is the talent level of the family.

“Tight End U” is getting so contagious even some of our linemen are joining it.

I like this offensive formation a lot. Struggling pass protection and rushing attack? Just add more fat guys.

Speaking of fat guys in the trenches, how about the Trojans holding their ground at the one-yard line? Haven’t been this surprised at a defense since watching the O.J. documentary.

If you’ve ever wondered why our two-minute drill is awful, it’s usually because we waste our timeouts on the first couple of drives. Mostly because when your offense is run by a (redshirt) freshman, you can’t expect him not to procrastinate everything until the last second.

At least this time there was somewhat of a good reason; to avoid your offensive linemen turned defensive linemen turned offensive lineman AGAIN botching a shotgun snap.

This obsession with using timeouts to avoid delay of games is a habit Helton needs to kick before it comes back to haunt him. And given that it is Halloween week it would only be fitting that it happens this Thursday. Either teach the offense to line up quicker or take the five-yard penalty.

No one will be hijacking this Trojan flight to the top with the Air Marshall got on this play.

Too Easy. Especially when half the defense looks like it wants to head to Dirtbags at halftime.

If you guys haven’t heard there’s this song called “JuJu On That Beat”. It’s kind of popular with the young folk. Not sure if you’ve heard it yet.

Enjoy it before you see a video of Jim Harbaugh doing the dance to try and recruit some four-star punter in Wyoming.

It’s no secret that JuJu is an aggressive player that isn’t too fond of his opponents (or his teammates or his coaches). He’s a passionate player. When he doesn’t get his aggression out through stiff arms or pancake blocks, it sort of festers into a boneheaded play or two. 15 yards and a little extra motivation for the rest of the game.

JuJu turns a ten yard gain into a touchdown with a little help from Arizona’s “don’t use your arms to tackle” defensive strategy.

When Helton commented before the game that Tate is “like having another running back” at QB, I thought he was kidding.

But I honestly think their QB never threw a pass before this game.

I mean he’s targeting USC photographers on 4th and Goal. At least he was open.

Call up your phone service and cancel your landline because it looks like Darnold has finally dialed up that deep ball. After a couple of weeks of overthrows, it looks like Sam has figured out his touch.

Or he decided it was a good idea to throw up a jump ball to the best receiver in the nation.

Trojans had a mini heart attack late in the second half when JuJu took a helmet in the back and was very very slow to get up. He later admitted it was a back spasm and will be fine for the future.

Even with the blowout, Coach Helton can’t avoid having the one idiotic coaching decision. Why did you have your starters, especially your star players, still in the game up 30+ points?! Arizona’s defense couldn’t stop anything and their offense was being led by position players that couldn’t win a middle school punt, pass, and kick competition.

Max Browne and his XXXL helmet should have been subbed in at the beginning of the second half. I know it will be awhile before we will play an opponent that we could beat up as easily as the Wildcats, but keep this in mind for the future (if you have one).

They started a running back at QB and then replaced him with a tight end. Who then threw to a former cornerback. Rich Rod is doing anything he can to get out of Arizona. Can you blame him? Place is going to look like a Mad Max scene when all the gun nuts realize Trump and his wall aren’t coming November 8th.

A touchdown for each of the Texas tailbacks. Have to make sure every running back gets their equal share.

Little tip for Tee Martin in the future: Stop rotating running backs! If one of them is playing better than the other, stick with the good one.

Hell, even Dom Davis made an appearance!

What do we have to do to get him on the field more? It’s not like we play any powerhouse defenses anytime soon. Set the edge and let this guy scoot.

And for the first time this season the Trojans are above .500!

God that’s depressing.

Stats

I wonder what could have caused such a drastic change?

It honestly didn’t seem like that much, but then again I stopped paying attention to the game after the 1st half. Like any diehard fan.

Since being named the “most overrated player in all of college football” JuJu has had three 100 yard games and 6 touchdowns. Anonymous scouts should insult him more often.

Did you hear that several NFL executives say that JuJu Smith-Schuster is awful during the second half of seasons and he’s too scared to come back his senior year?

This Arizona team was awful but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t commend the defense for their exceptional performance. Three straight weeks of holding the opponent under 21 points. Thanks to ASU for making this stat look weird with your garbage time touchdowns.

Post-Game

I respect the hustle of blatantly lying to the general public. Why not? If you do it right you could be a candidate for President of the United States.

*adds “Weather” to a very long list of reasons to never travel to Arizona*

Always smart to install a turf field in a place where the temperature never drops below 100. Guess there aren’t enough agriculture majors to keep up a grass field. Too busy learning how to become a pharmaceutical representative.

At least we know Arizona fans are as smart as lizards, finding shade in the heat any way they can. I won’t say smarter because even lizards would have left at the half.

“You can be my wingman anytime,” Juju later told Darnold after the game.

If we don’t turn over the ball in the red zone, don’t have poor play calling on fourth down, avoid wasting all of our timeouts in the 1st and 3rd quarters, started Sam Darnold at the beginning of the season and half of Alabama got food poisoning before the season opener, this team would be undefeated. Facts only.

The season is ours to lose. If we play like we did against Arizona, we can win out. Unfortunately, the rest of our opponents are a lot better than the trash heap in shoulder pads we saw last week. And let’s not forget our incredible history of getting in our own way.

Stay Tuned.

Injury Report

A tough break for a player who showed promise and contributed a lot to the ancillary receiver role opposite of JuJu. Our passing attack is not as lethal if we don’t have our 2nd and 3rd receivers keeping the secondary honest and forcing man on man coverage. Mitchell, along with Rodgers, have filled that need nicely.

There are several bright sides. For Mitchell, he has been able to recover from this injury before as he suffered a similar knee injury in 2013. He has one year left of eligibility and can make a comeback to help next year’s squad. For the team, we have depth. Since it seems these days’ half of our scholarship players are wide receivers, we should be able to fill the hole Mitchell left. While those who will fill the role will not be as talented as Mitchell, there won’t be a drastic drop off in play.

Doesn’t look like the team will have Justin Davis this week. Luckily the bye week gave the Texas Tesla time to recharge his battery and take on another full workload this week.

Don’t rush an ankle injury back. I‘d rather have him for Oregon since he won’t have to worry about getting tackled.

*Every Trojan fan unclenches their butt cheeks*

Not quite an injury but definitely a troubling development to the linebacking corps, which has seen three linebackers dismissed from the team this season. I wouldn’t say this one is all that surprising given that Ruffin tried to take away an Alabama players manhood like he was Negan in The Walking Dead.

Trojans in The NFL

He’s not all check downs and screens apparently!

Haven’t or Never?

Gone as quickly as he came. Just like his chance at a Heisman last year.

From the projected 1st overall pick his Junior year to throwing ducks as the third string QB for the worst team in the NFL, the fall of Matt Barkley has been something. On the bright side, he was probably the best quarterback for the Packers last Thursday night.

I’m sure dozens upon dozens of Trojan alumni succeeded this past Sunday, but the NFL is trash and only quarterbacks matter. Speaking of, how’s Jared Goff doing this season…

Who would have thought a player who only succeeded in garbage time would not be ready for the NFL? Oh…I know….ME!

From last year:

“Jared Goff has been receiving so much hype as a potential number one draft pick mostly because NFL scouts don’t want to overlook another Cal QB with an ounce of talent. They passed on arguably the best QB in the NFL, Aaron Rodgers, and don’t want to look like idiots again. I’ve never really seen Jared Goff perform well mostly because I don’t like to watch awful football. That’s a lie, I’m a 49ers fan. But it’s hard to see where all the hype is when he’s beating up Washington State on ESPN 12. In the two games I have watched him, he has struggled until the game is out of reach, then thrives in garbage time. These two games were also the only time Cal played a ranked opponent. Jared Goff will be an NFL Bust. Quote me on that. Unless he doesn’t, then never bring it up again. That’s how sports journalism works.”

Hypotheticals

Given the talent of the Bruins and Irish, we could have a lot more perfect days this season.

Did you know Notre Dame is 2–5? Because Notre Dame is 2–5.

Just in case you forget: Notre Dame is 2–5

By the transitive property, we are now better than Stanford and worse than Colorado, but also better than Colorado and worse than Stanford. A paradox in the Pac-12.

Shout out to the Cardinal on becoming just a god awful football team immediately after playing us. Could have used a win against the Buffaloes to help our place in the Pac-12 South standings, but watching you lose 10–5 is a nice consolation prize. Rest in peace to Christian McCaffrey’s Heisman Hopes. Good luck on the Patriots next year.

Last year all the stars aligned to allow our midseason meltdown to turn into winning the Pac-12 South. This year I don’t think the luck will be with us. We need to win out, have Utah lose two games and Colorado lose one. Our fate is in the teams like Arizona State and Oregon. So basically, we’re screwed.

Preview

Thank god for the bye week because after his huge game at Arizona, “The Darnold” was due for a letdown. When the hype machine reaches USC, it creates so much fake confidence that immediately goes to our head. I saw so many articles on Darnold and this Trojan team that if we played someone last week we would have lost no matter the opponent’s strength (even 2–5 Notre Dame). That’s just how it works. Hopefully we can hide this team from the world until our game in Washington. A Thursday night game should help.

Unranked life is a great life. No expectations. Nobody believes in us. Underdog label. Whichever one works for you.

But at least USC is ranked in something. This time it’s football related, as Sam Darnold is statistically the best quarterback in the nation.

*ignores Lamar Jackson, Desean Watson, J.T. Barnett, and Jake Browning highlights*

BEST IN THE NATION!

Oh look, it’s “Mr. Fail To Steal Your Girl”.

So he doesn’t know which direction the Sun sets either?

From Hard Knocks:

“I happened to ask Jared Goff where the sun rises and where the sun sets and he said he wasn’t sure,” Weinke says in the episode during a quarterbacks meeting.

This team has an offense. And absolutely no defense. I actually spent my Friday night watching this game and scouting the opponent. And by scouting, I mean watching on the ESPN app by myself at a crowded bar. Things I learned:

David Webb is really good but will probably be awful in the NFL since Cal breeds system quarterbacks.

Cal has a rushing attack or Oregon is now using holograms to play defense. Virtual Reality uniforms. You did it again, Phil Knight.

Cal loves blowing the lead in the second half. This game was basically over but Cal let Oregon right back in it. Either poor stamina or an affection for people who love overs.

Their kicker can be iced. Hopefully we will have a timeout or two to use if the opportunity arises.

I really need to be more social.

Prediction

The Thursday night home games have been a nightmare for as long as I remember. Not only for the team performance but for the fans. First off, it’s on a Thursday. No one likes football on a Thursday. Only degenerate gamblers and people who like those hideous Color Rush uniforms.

Second off, no one is going to go to the game. I know we aren’t the most diehard of fans. It’s been obvious when the going gets tough, most of us are at the Bungalow. But to try and sell a Thursday night game in Los Angeles is madness. You can’t tailgate because apparently class is more important than football at USC now. And trying to get to the game on the worst day for evening traffic in the worst traffic city in the world would require a person with unfathomable mental toughness and fortitude (maybe Tony Robbins). I don’t know why the Pac-12 keeps scheduling the game, but if it’s so people can take screenshots of empty seats in the Coliseum, job well done.

I get not scheduling the game at Berkeley (I know that’s not how it works). Their fans are even less passionate than ours. Their Thursdays probably involve living in some thousand-year old redwood tree while cold calling for Hillary Clinton. And don’t try to compare degrees. Your three most famous alumni are known for not knowing the earth’s rotation, only being able to spell R-E-L-A-X, and gaining national notoriety for not speaking during press conferences. No disrespect to Marshawn Lynch; only cool thing to come out of Berkley since…nope, just Lynch.

Now for the team. Hopefully the extra rest from the bye week has helped so we don’t come out as flat as we usually do during these games.

All I remember from these past couple of Thursday games is a gin-soaked Sarkisian losing to his former school and almost letting Jeff Fisher’s mortal enemy, Jared Goff, garbage time his way to a comeback victory in 2014.

The double digit spread isn’t helping my confidence either. But the winning streak does:

I fully expect this game to be a shootout throughout the first half only to have the Trojans pull away in the fourth quarter. Cal’s offense is more volatile than a bus ride with Billy Bush, but David Webb is actually going to be playing against a defense that can cover receivers.

I’d like to see our running game continue to improve with the absence of Justin Davis. Hopefully we get to see the fastest player on our team involved again. And it will be very interesting to see who will fill the role left by Mitchell Jr.

There will be a couple more articles on Sam Darnold before kickoff so I’m sure he will have a turnover or two to dispel some of his hype. Don’t worry, I’m sure the bromance between him and Juju will keep growing.

Adoree’: Just do something amazing.

USC 38 Cal 27

P.S. Notre Dame is 2–5

You can follow me on twitter at Sports By Scondi

Special thanks to my numerous “editors”; Johnny, Jef, and Christina

Sources: USC Athletics, SBNation, Conquest Chronicles, ESPN, Reign of Troy, Rivals, Scout, Barstool Sports, Deadspin, Wikipedia, Google, ESPN, and a lot of other places