Every ER has its stories. And, yes, there are all kinds of anal-insertion stories. Thanks for asking. I'll give you one:

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

An enterprising young man soldered a long steel rod to the end of a surprisingly large dildo. We assumed it was so that he could still grab it when it was, well, inserted. But apparently it didn't help, because the dildo got stuck. Really stuck. And now the guy had a metal rod protruding from his anus.

If you're wondering how we get something like that out, well, we have tools ...

Excel Innovative

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

... but you're skipping the hard part -- how did he get to the hospital? He certainly couldn't sit down -- so no car or taxi. It's not the sort of thing you call an ambulance over (you get stuck with the bill if your insurance judges the situation not to be ambulance-worthy). So, he found the baggiest pants he owned and walked/limped miles to the hospital, presumably contemplating all of his life mistakes with each painful step. It's the kind of thing he'll probably leave out of his biography if he should ever run for office.

It's always males who have the anal-insertion disasters, by the way. Ladies, you're welcome to prove me wrong, but please don't, actually. I see way too much of that with just the one gender.