As following a Crimewatch appeal police detectives work towards hopefully making a major breakthrough in the Madeleine McCann disappearance case a British tabloid has spoken of its longing for the search for the missing nine year old to continue indefinitely.

“We are absolutely desperate for no news,” said Daily Express insider Nicola Simmonds. “We put something about Madeleine McCann on the front page every day. If the case concludes we’ll be buggered.”

When asked why the Daily Express is so fascinated with one missing child when there are many others Simmonds acknowledged that this was true then added:

“But how many are extremely photogenic little girls with church going professionals for parents? The McCanns are articulate in press conferences and the mum’s a bit of a MILF. We love them.”

“If this case ends we’ll be back to endless front pages of gubbins about house prices and cancer. Or cancer of the house prices? Is that a thing? Can we say it’s a thing? No news about Madeleine McCann is what makes this paper great.”

“Although if the worst comes to the worst and she’s found and reunited with her family I suppose we can always go back to obsessing about Diana. We’ve never been given the definitive account of the Queen Mother’s movements on that fateful August night…”

Today the Daily Express published its fifth consecutive Madeleine McCann front page.

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