a snarky & detailed response to: “A plane is not your personal adult palace – it’s a space for kids as much as you “

Recently some lovely ladies in a Childfree group I belong to introduced me to this sanctimonious mess of an op-ed article from UK publication The Independent, entitled “An airline has created child-free zones in the latest example of baby bigotry – kids exist, and you need to get over it.”

The op-ed even features this hilariously over-the-top artistic depiction of what the author must think travel on a cramped Delta jet is like for those without children:

(I FUCKING WISH AIRLINES PROVIDED THIS MCMANSION LIVING ROOM LEVEL OF LEG SPACE!!)

So without further ado, let’s dive in paragraph by paragraph:

“Often when people talk about the importance of diversity they forget one significant group in our society: infants.”

Yes, in a time of racist police brutality, international refugee crises, and the threat of a Trump presidency, truly one of the most disadvantaged groups in our society….are infants.

“In recent times this cohort has been swept under the playmat, and even blamed for economic troubles. For women, childcare has been identified as the main cause of the gender pay gap, meaning that many end up dreading having babies at all, viewing them as crying, burbling self-destruction buttons.”



I have to give the writer props for “swept under the playmat.” It’s pretty catchy.

But seriously, while I’m all for fixing the pay gap and providing affordable childcare for all, I’m not sure how women deciding not to have babies is such an issue. If anything, it’s a wonderful marvel of modern society, in which women are not forced into motherhood and all of the gendered and restrictive duties and expectations that it so entails. We are now given choice. We are given the option of childfreedom, and that is certainly nothing to sniff at.

“Paedophobia is on the rise, which businesses are only too happy to accommodate.”

Let me stop you there. Businesses deciding not to allow children in because it would be inappropriate for all parties is not “peadophobia,” it is businesses deciding not to allow children in because it would be inappropriate for all parties. Businesses respond to demand, and there is a big demand for adults-only facilities, events, airlines, and resorts.

And you know…sex clubs, brothels, movie theaters, and night clubs.

“Even airlines are trying to blot children out of existence with new “quiet zones” which exclude kiddies altogether. “



“It is not just aeroplanes that shun children. Last year a London-based café called Treacles Tea Shop was in the newspapers for banishing babies and small children from its premises. Far from being ticked off for its shameful policy, many seemed to applaud the idea – and even thought it amusing.”

So. fucking. what?

First of all, the babies DO NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. They are babies. They would be just as happy to be at home sleeping and pooping peace as they would being forced to fly thousands of feet in the air while their ears painfully pop and Mom and Dad bicker about which flavor of baby mush to stuff in their mouth so that the woman across the aisle will stop shooting them all death stares.

Second, there are PLENTY of options for families with children. PLENTY. Our society absolutely caters to them. There are countless kid’s menus, kid’s museums, kid’s playgrounds, free admission to concerts/zoos/events for kids and babies galore. Expecting mothers often are offered special parking spots in business lots, and many get very, very angry when the purpose of said spots are not respected.

The point is, we live in an extremely pro-natalist, pro-family society, in which having kids is the norm, and not having kids makes you a bit of a pariah. People shell out thousands for IVF treatment, egg freezing, and adoption fees. People get tax breaks for having more children. “Children are our future” is the mantra of the past and the present.

Is this all a bad thing? Well, that probably all depends on who you ask. But is it real? YES.



“Like anyone with functional eardrums, noisy infants in public make me miserable and weary. But the decision to move them into special areas stinks far more than any Pampers creation. It speaks of an intolerance that is growing all the time; a widespread and inverted ageism against our younger fellow beings. Unfortunately, by virtue of their cognitive abilities, children cannot sniff out, nor complain about, this prejudice. And so it remains undetected (unlike a Pampers creation).”

Why should a tea shop, with its breakable china and adult clientele, have to cater to strollers, diaper changes on their tables, and screeching toddlers during important business luncheons?

Furthermore, the author draws a false comparison between businesses that do not allow children in for various reasons (I can think of many off the top of my head, including strip clubs and the aforementioned above), and airplanes that have special designated seating for children.

Does a kid’s table at a holiday dinner also constitute “shunning” and “intolerance?” Or does it exist in part to help out the parents, and in part to give the kids their own space away from an adults-appropriate setting?

“Baby bigotry has become one of the most open, yet underestimated, types of discrimination in our country – meaning that adults are only too happy to vocalise any disdain they may have for fledglings, whom they perceive to be the drain of civilisation. For women, a hostile attitude to children may even help them cure the dissonance between their desire for babies and the realisation they can cost professional success.”

Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous. As I mentioned, our society is EXTREMELY pro-natalist. And yes, children often do cost adults professional success and advancement, especially in our patriarchal society in which women are expected to take on the burden of childcare. While I’m not in favor of blaming kids and babies on all of society’s woes, I’m also not in favor of scapegoating those who do not like kids, want kids, or want kids around them.

“The result of this is not just families feeling ostracised and embarrassed over leaving the house, it is the general removal of children from our society. Birth rates in the continent are some of the world’s lowest, and gradually declining in Britain. In every part of our lives, children are scapegoats for a range of problems, whether economic or otherwise.”

No one is afraid to leave the house with their kids, I’ll tell you that right now. Every other bar, beer garden, or seemingly “adults” place I visit nowadays is swarming with babies and toddlers. These kids scream, cry, run around, cough and sneeze on everything in sight, and generally behave like….well, babies and kids. Does that make them bad? No, of course not. Does that make them an evil menace to society?

Again, depends on who you ask.

All jokes aside, airlines creating special seating for children or denying children on their flights is not detrimental to the health and well-being of said children. Ultimately, it is the parents who buy the flights, who organize the travel, and must make appropriate choices for when and where their kids can and cannot be.

And as for declining birth rates? We already have plenty of fucking people on this planet. NEXT.

“But they are our equals, and deserve equal comfort. Allowing children to cry, fart and enjoy passenger space is much more than about tolerance, it’s about respecting other humans. Their right to be on planes is as great as ours. And the one day there are uniformly quiet planes is the day we’re all doomed.”

The thing is, no one is saying children shouldn’t be given equal comfort.

But there is a difference between equality and equity; we have different laws for children and adults because kids and adults have different fundamental needs. We all deserve dignity and respect, absolutely, but not wanting to share your flight with a gaggle of whining toddlers does not mean you are an ageist monster. Desiring peace and quiet for personal and medical reasons alike does not make you evil.

It just makes you human.