Is there anything more unsettling than an ice cream truck? Driving around slowly, playing a tinny recording of a song that was popular a century ago, trying to lure children with crude hand-painted knockoffs of cartoon characters on the side of the truck? Yes, it turns out there is something more unsettling, and that’s if the ice cream truck is driven by a serial-killing Clint Howard. Ladies and gentlemen: Ice Cream Man.

The kids in this sleepy little town are concerned their ice cream man might be a murderer who puts human parts in his ice cream, which is a fair concern because he basically tells everyone he meets that he is a murderer who puts human parts in his ice cream. Also a fair concern because, again, he’s Clint Howard. Traumatized by seeing gangsters murder the previous ice cream man when he was a boy (this is his actual origin story, not a joke), Clint grew up to somehow take over the business and add murder to the menu.

From Jan-Michael Vincent as the world’s most bored cop to David Naughton as the world’s horniest rich guy, the movie is packed with bad adults doing bad things. So hey, who are THEY to judge the Ice Cream Man, really? Just kidding, they are right to judge him, he and his ice cream are beyond disgusting.

He’s goofy, he’s gross, but at least he doesn’t charge extra for a waffle cone. He’s the Ice Cream Man, join Mike, Kevin and Bill for three scoops of him today!

Written by

Mike Nelson, Conor Lastowka, Sean Thomason

Contributing Writers

Molly Hodgdon, Jason Miller, Zachary Shatzer