I've been lucky enough to have been living with the iPhone 5s for about a week now. You can read what I think about of it in our review, but I thought here was a good place to vent about my troublesome relationship with Siri. You can play the part of the counsellor.

Like everyone else, Siri was fun when he first came on the scene. His fairly amusing answers to silly questions, his excuses for not being able to answer something, and the way he deflected criticism was all very charming. But before long the shtick started to become repetitive and his limitations became apparent. We went on a break.

With the arrival of iOS 7 I decided to give Siri another go, and at first I found him to be very useful for my testing - he'd take voice memos and notes without fail, change (most) settings quickly and easily, and I liked his new, wavey look. I even pretended to give a monkeys about what Stuff's Dep Ed Tom Wiggins had been saying on Twitter, and Siri promptly showed me his latest tweets (the usual rambling about gig rules, of course).

But as with so many break-ups, it was his navigating that was the final straw. I told him to navigate to Heathrow Terminal 1 and he tried to direct me to the very centre of London. Later I told him to set a route to a street near my flat and he tried to take me to a Chinese takeaway. I suggested a different street near my house and he tried to take me to the very same Chinese takeaway. I wasn't even hungry, so this clearly wasn't a some new mind-reading tech. Besides, I'm pretty sure that would have been mentioned in the iOS 7 press release.

And when I finally got Siri to understand where I wanted to go he used the still flawed Apple Maps to plot a route straight into a 30min traffic jam. We fell out in spectacular fashion. I'm not proud to admit I said some very hurtful things that stunned him into silence. And that was how the relationship ended for the second time. Siri's definitely going to have to buck his ideas up if I'm ever going to take him back again.