It would be a different matter if you had brought along that very same box of Oreos when you checked in — do you travel with a suitcase full of sweets? — and eaten them without unlocking the minibar. Although the final disposition of cookies would have been similar — a boxful in the minibar, a boxful in your belly — you would not have availed yourself of a hotel service, so you wouldn’t have had to pay for it.

Image Credit... Illustration by Matthew Woodson

A close friend lent me some money she received in an inheritance. I have paid her back what I could over time yet still owe more than half. In the ensuing months, she developed a serious drug problem, lost her house and job and is receiving treatment at a halfway house. She is calling now and demanding that I immediately repay the balance. I cannot right now, without going into retirement savings. I have also been advised by her family not to give her any money, because she may use it on drugs. What is my moral responsibility here? NAME WITHHELD, SOUTH CAROLINA

If you truly cannot repay your friend immediately, the question is moot. But the way you have phrased it seems faintly self-serving, hinting that it would be virtuous, almost saintly, to ignore your debt. You can adhere to the original agreement to repay gradually, but repay you must, her current condition notwithstanding. She is an adult. No court has found her unfit to make decisions, even bad decisions, about her own life. It would be paternalistic, if benignly intended, to refuse to return her money because you are wary of how she would spend it (perhaps on $6 boxes of Oreos).

I do admire your concern for your friend’s well-being and suggest that you consult with the halfway house. It is apt to have had experience with similar situations. If your friend agreed to various terms, including financial restrictions, as a condition of enrollment, there could be a way for you to put this money into escrow — that is, to repay it without doing harm.

A man on our commuter train announced that his wallet had been stolen and he was collecting money for a ticket home; he said he was about $2 short. Because I take different trains home depending on how late I work, I have seen him deliver this spiel before, so I gave him nothing, but was I obligated to alert the other passengers? BROOKE KOSOFSKY GLASSBERG,NEW YORK