Last month FSW brought you an exclusive look at an internal First Order memo, from SLOTFO Kylo Ren himself, explaining St. Valentine’s Day. Now, we present the conclusion of that memo, wherein the former Ben Solo explains another romantic holiday, one intended to allow females to reciprocate for the love expressed by their male counterparts a month earlier. Enjoy …

STEAK & BILLY JOEL DAY

As St. Valentine’s Day has traditionally focused on males wooing females, eventually men – being the whining, complaining, nerf herders that we tend to be – began to ask “When do I get wooed?”

Enter “Steak & Billy Joel Day.”

No one really knows when this originated, or even who the kriff “Billy Joel” is, but the tradition has been gaining acceptance throughout the galaxy for well over a century. Celebrated exactly one month after St. Valentine’s Day, Steak & Billy Joel Day involves the female lover of a bonded pair preparing an exquisitely grilled steak for her mate, then rewarding him for his love and affection with a Billy Joel song, usually hummed.

Although tastes vary, the longer album cuts are generally preferred. Two very popular choices are Angry Young Man with its rapid-fire piano part (extremely difficult to hum, but oh-so-rewarding when it is done well) and Scenes from an Italian Restaurant with the variety of its three-songs-in-one approach often generating quite an enthusiastic response from the serenaded male lover.

However, song choice generally doesn’t matter. As Billy Joel himself would likely say, “It’s Still a BJ to Me.”

—Douchebag Kylo