GCSE Music students! People with too much time on their hands! I have a project for you.

We are going to recreate Pendulum's latest song, without using any musical instruments at all, and there's every chance we'll do a better job of it than they have.

And we're doing this because someone's got to put the spark of human life back into it. Outside of the live drum and bass arena, where Pendulum make a lot more sense, this is just a slightly pompous, Basshuntery stab at a conventional dance anthem. It's got everything a dance anthem would have - the drums filter in and out, there's a build-up and a breakdown, and a big refrain which repeats often - but sonically it's all too preset and freeze-dried, and way too cheesy to be convincing, unless you were trying to write a national anthem for bees.

(Here's the video. It's runny.)

SO, here's what we're gonna do. We're going to replace all of the clinically silly sounds with actually silly sounds, to see if we can't break through the silly barrier and into a more profound world beyond. All you will need is access to either some music editing software and a microphone - or a lot of willing volunteers - and a variety of household objects.

First up, the drums. Fill a suitcase with books, then drop it on a hard floor. That's your bass drum. The snare is a little fiddlier. What you need is a biscuit tin, half full of marbles. Drop a medium-sized stone into it. That should do it. Add some rattled-cutlery for your cymbals, and the disgusted tut of a pensioner for the off-beat hi-hat, and you've got yourself a rhythm track.

You can create the filtering effect by putting your hand over the microphone and then taking it off in stages, or wrapping everything in a duvet and slowly peeling it off.

The bass is easy, just twang a tightened washing line across a bathtub.

Next, the synth refrain. Got a kazoo? No? No matter, just drape a sheet of tissue paper over a comb. Then hold it vertically to your bottom lip and sing the melody in a mooey kind of way. You'll find the paper vibrates on the teeth of the comb, creating a fuzzy effect. You can use this for the main refrain AND the buzzy chords underneath. It'll require a bit of work getting the harmonies right, but it will be worth it in the end.

If you're feeling extra inventive, why not also try to play the melody using a balloon? What you do is blow it up, then pinch the 'neck' on either side, using both hands, and pull them slightly apart. As the air escapes, it makes the rubber vibrate, creating a shrill, unpleasant tone. Experiment until you can get the right notes and you're off.

And finally, the vocals. If you can find someone to sing it, make sure they sing through their nose as much as possible, as if a snake were attempting a Borat accent in their sleep. No giggling though. This is Pendulum, nothing is funny. Oh and they need to be in a cave or a church, so there are a lot of echoes. And maybe get someone to whisper-repeat every line too.

Then all you need to do is rustle some crisp packets in the chorus and you've got yourself a song!

Download: Out now



www.pendulum.com

BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Ride The Tempo says: "If you like Rock or Drum and Bass, you need to have a listen."

Glasswerk says: "'The Island' also represents an invigorating example of their prog & bass sound that has emerged from the band's constant desire to expand their musical palette."

The Leeds Scenester says: "Some might think the beginning to 'The Island' had turned a little commercial but I think it only enhances Pendulum's already incredibly mastery that they have built up in the past few years and heightened the music to a new level."