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Credit: Ingram Publishing/Newscom

Man, you know when you're at a strip club just minding your own biz, trying to enjoy some boss jugs and magnum bunnage, and all of a sudden your stomach drops and you realize: You can't remember where to find any porno? Is it at Bed, Bath & Beyond? Is it in the parking lot of the bowling alley? A rabbit hutch in suburban Colorado Springs? An old woman's shoe? The sea? WHERE DO THEY KEEP THE PORNO!?

Well, don't even bug, my friend. Because the venerable minds at PornHub have anticipated your need. They've partnered with the "opulent," all-nude "gentlemen's cabaret" Show Palace for the launch of SkinAds, a new service by which brands can advertise on the naked bodies of Show Palace's dancers.

Via today's press release:

Show Palace's SkinAds, which includes placement on strippers' backs, stomachs, legs and/or arms, will be displayed in three-day intervals and priced at varying rates, depending on location, size and time of week. The gentlemen's cabaret is also offering various packages, including the "full body experience," which utilizes all body parts. "With this offering, we're giving brands a new avenue to advertise," said Show Palace manager, Mike Diaz. "And, unlike billboards or newspaper advertisements, with the nature of placement - a naked women's body - this offering can almost guarantee that advertisements will be seen. We're thrilled to be kicking off the offering with Pornhub, which understands the value of advertising, as we saw with its recent national, mainstream advertising campaign."

Pornhub plans to advertise their logo "on the back of Show Palace stripper for 30 days." You know, for all of the Show Palace patrons who aren't sure where to find porno on the internet.

This seems like a foolproof plan. After all, I know nothing revs my boner like, say, the face of the GEICO gecko emerging from between a woman's butt cheeks, or some trompe l'oeil Dorito crumbs scattered across her mons.

And while the idea of using human beings (especially women, who are already objectified and commodified to high heaven) as, essentially, sexy telephone poles is slightly uncomfy, it's not objectively different than racecar drivers wearing hideous sponsored leathers. It only feels different because of the creepy, paternalistic way we're taught to think about women's bodies and sex work. These dancers have agency, and as long as they're cool with dancing and cool with being scribbled on by Pornhub interns (and are being compensated for their real estate--it is ethically important that they directly benefit), we bystanders have nothing to gripe about. Although the customers might.

There's a joke about "pop-up ads" here somewhere but I'm not finding it.