A LaRosa’s Pizzeria is set to open next to Skyline Chili on Richmond Road and cement stage two of Cincinnati’s plan to annex Lexington and rebrand it Little Cincinnati. Neither city has officially acknowledged the existence of this takeover scheme, but an anonymous source who agreed to speak only off the record said, “It’s plain as the chili in their bowls.”

“Little Cincinnati will expand Lexington’s foodie culture with our exotic cuisines,” said developer and restaurateur Thomas Rivers, apparently unware that only people from Cincinnati think Cincinnati is known for their pizza and/or chili.

“It’s like spaghetti for cowboys, right?” said a man in a Big Blue Nation hoodie, when asked about the cuisine.

Some locals might be more informed about chili but that does not mean they are not conflicted about the Ohio invasion. “A lot of families moved here after they were displaced and settled in,” said Patchen Apartments resident Kiri McDonnell. “I love their culture and their cuisine but it’s hard to understand their language. I wish they’d learn ours.”

Migrants from Cincinnati are more excited than wary about the flood of new restaurants. “Cincinnati has a rich culture and we’re just trying to recreate that here,” said Will Caldwell. “The gas stations, the chili, it all really makes me feel like I’m back home.”

Food isn’t the only business moving south from the river. “I love how the prints of their fabrics are inspired by nature’s own designs,” said a women fondling a Bengals jersey.

It’s not just the gastronomy and fashion of Cincinnati that is on the move. There are plans to build a large riverboat casino in the Lexington Green Pond but because of Kentucky’s gambling laws people would only be able to wager monopoly money on games like ‘I’m thinking of a number.’

Skyline Chili manager Terry Hurtz denied the existence of a Cincinnati conspiracy. Then he put the finishing touches on the embalmed corpse of Harambe on display in the window.