YOU WILL NOT FIND FEC COOK NAKED HERE!!

Alastair Cook had a good old time before the start of last season, when he got the opportunity to paint naked ladies.

He then had to pose for photos, which must have been a real pain in the arse..

William Wales’ Girlfriend used to be in the same rowing group, called the Saucy Sisterhood.

Obviously as leader of the Suave republic, I can’t abide the royalty, but if you’re going to be king, why not get yourself a wife who belonged to the saucy sisterhood?!

It appears that there is sharp increase in the number of people searching for Alastair Cook naked (I did a little investigation, and he’s very popular in the gay community, along with Simon Jones).

Please do stop it now.. This is a suave, sweary, illiterate cricket blog.

In other news, Matthew Hoggard is feeling slightly aggrieved after being dropped for the second test. Especially since this is the first time he’s been dropped since Sri Lanka 2003. He was also upset that his family had flown 26hrs to see him play, and all they got to see was him carrying the drinks. Oops.. Should have been a bit fitter sunshine!

Something I’m sure surprises absolutely no-one next. Andre Nel has NOT been recalled to the South Africa squad to tour India. Charl Langeveldt’s replacement will be Monde Zondeki.

It surprises me that Zondeki wasn’t chosen over Langeveldt in the first place, having taken 60 odd wickets at an average of 19 this winter (summer in the southern hemisphere). But the political machinations in South Africa continue. As a test match bowler he’s unproven, and though he has an average of 27. something, if you take Zimbabwe out, it shoots up to 45.

I can’t see Andre Nel playing for South Africa again, after this. With the big money on offer to become a Kolpak player in the UK, or a baddie for the ICL, the temptation to leave behind a regime that has right royally fucked him over would be too big.

If I was a county chairman, I’d be on the phone to Andre straight away!