

Armydillo Dan (Retired)



Armydillo Dan is a fighting machine.

He is trained to be tough, hard and mean.

Always ready to attack,

with a cannon on his back,

Just don't ask him to clean the latrine.





Bart The Elephart (Retired)



Bart the Elephart was a blast

Butt around him his friends all felt gassed

When he came they could tell

For they knew his foul smell

Which would clear out a room super fast!





Boris The Mucousaurus (Retired)



Boris The Mucousaurus has a leaky snout.

Wherever he goes his boogies drip out.

His snot hangs from his nose

which he never ever blows.

When he sneezes you'd better look out!





Fi & Do The Dalmutation (Retired)



A Dalmutation named Fi-Do is an odd mutant beast

Where he should have 1 head, he has 2 heads at least

With 3 eyes in 1 head

and 1 eye in the other

this strange, creepy mutt could be his own brother.





Hurley the Toucan



Hurley the Toucan (Retired)

Made a habit of pukin'

'specially while up in the air

his friends would all run

cause his barf weighed a ton

and they didn't want chunks in their hair





Matt The Fat Bat (Retired)



Matt The Fat Bat couldn't fly.

His big belly kept him out of the sky.

He hides on the ground,

like a blood thirsty hound,

Bites your toe, and sucks you bone dry.





Navy Seal (Retired)



Navy Seal is a fighter all right,

protecting the world with all of his might.

With his tank and harpoon

the enemy is doomed.

They might as well give up the fight!





Otis the Octapunk (Retired)



Otis The Octapunk

Said "Yo Dude, my music's not junk!"

He would smash his guitar

like a crazy rock star,

and the octagirls would call him "OctaHunk"!





Peter The Gotta Peegull (Retired)



Peter The Peegull was in trouble.

He had to get to the toilet on the double

If he doesn't get through the door,

there'll be a puddle on the floor,

for poor Peter will have burst like a bubble.





Sledge The Hammered Head Shark (Retired)



Sledge The Hammered Head Shark isn't quite dead,

some diver had flattened his head

He was in a hungry mood,

and was searching for food,

now the diver is sushi instead!





Snake Eyes Jake (Retired)



All of the serpents were rolling the dice

They were playing each other for a pile of mice

One set of dice were fake

They belonged to Snake Eyes Jake

He was sneaky and would win at any price





Splat The Road Kill Kat (Retired)



Splat The Road Kill Kat didn't cross at the green.

A big truck was coming that couldn't be seen.

To the left and the right

this kat didn't look,

and now poor Splat is as flat as a book!



Post Series 1 Special Limited Edition Meanies!



Lucky the Rabbit (Series 1 1/2) (Retired)



Lucky's so mad he's insane

He has every right to complain

He'd like to kick rump

but he can't with a stump

'cause his foot is someone's key chain!





Fangaroo the Kangaroo



Series 2



Bare Bear



Not locking his door wasn’t wise.

He was expecting just one of the guys.

Goldilocks barged in,

he was down to his skin,

and they both got quite a surprise!





Bessie Got Milked



Her agent sure got her inspired,

but her milk is all he desired.

You will make lots of cash

with your own milk mustache,

but Bessie ran dry and got fired.





Burny the Bear



Burny was back in the woods,

where you know he was up to no good.

All his cloths needed patches,

from playing with matches.

So, don’t mess with fire...understood?!





Chicken Pox



Red spots were all over this chick.

He'd itch and he'd scratch and he'd pick.

"The Pox" was contagious,

the itching outrageous,

and those scabs would make other chicks sick!





Digger the Snottish Terrier



A dog from Snotland, named Digger,

did what you probably figger.

Don’t ask for his paw,

for he’s picked his nose raw,

and those pickens just keep gettin’ bigger!





Donnie Didn’t Duck



When his mother lectured, Donnie Didn't care.

"If your head wasn't attached, you'd leave it somewhere."

But Donnie Didn't listen,

Now his head is missin'.

When mom speaks you better beware!





Floaty the Fish



Floaty is dead as can be,

on his back he bobs constently.

His eyes are all puffed.

Should Floaty be stuffed,

or flushed and buried at sea?!





Lucky the Rabbit



Lucky's so mad he's insane

He has every right to complain

He'd like to kick rump

but he can't with a stump

'cause his foot is someone's key chain!





Peeping Tom Cat



This Tom Cat liked to spy.

You could tell by the look in each eye.

This cat was a creep,

at his neighbors he'd peep,

'till they came to arrest this strange guy.





Phlemingo



What Phlemingo coughs up is obscene.

It's thick and slimy and green.

When he starts a hackin'

the neighbors start packin'

'cause he treats the streets like a latrine.





Sunny the Preemie Chickie



Sunny the Preemie Chickie,

got cracked and came out too quickie.

He wanted to fly,

now with bacon he’ll fry.

Poor Sunny’s all broken and sticky!





Velocicrapper



Velocicrapper is laying some pipe.

Its big, its brown, and its totally ripe.

It draws all the flies,

It waters your eyes,

and theres not enough paper to wipe!



Post Series 2 Special Limited Edition Meanies!







Chubby's the name of this Cub.

We guess you can call him a schlub.

You've bought all the Meanies,

Not those other weanies,

Welcome to our exclusive club!



The Infamous Meanies I



Buddy the Dog



Buddy's been sniffing around

and, panties are what that hound found.

He got them in bed,

on the President's head

Now guess...who'll be off to the pound.





Bull Clinton



Bull Clinton is "full of it" they say.

His "staff" couldn't get out of the way.

He's in and out of courts

'cause of his fallen shorts,

he leans to the left, so they say.





Donkeyng



Donkeyng the promoter is brash,

with his smile, his cash and his flash.

More than anything else,

he's promoted himself,

but that "suit" can't quite cover his @#!





Mike Bison



Mike Bison's a boxer with bite.

He's the best when it comes to a fight.

So, stay in your homes,

when this buffalo roams,

and keep your ears out of sight.



Post Infamous Meanies I Special Limited Edition Meanies!





The Codfather



The Don's rules are the ones you should use,

'cause without him you're likely to lose.

Deny him his wishes,

and you'll sleep with the fishes.

It's an offer you cannot refuse.





Tiger Shark



"I'm the hungriest Meanie on land or at sea".

Said the Tiger Shark, "Don't mess with me.

When I'm ready to munch,

I hunt Cap'n Crunch:

Regular, Peanut Butter, or Crunch Berries".





Pirate Jack



This is the story of Pirate Jack,

Madison Scare Garden's first line of attack

If you survive this night,

and it's terrible fright,

will you have the guts to come back?



The Shocking Stuffers





Cold Turkey



Cold Turkey's been running since Thanksgiving Day.

He was plucked by the cook but he made it away.

He got stuck in a blizzard.

Now he's freezing his gizzard.

Oh, what a crappy holiday!!





Slushy the Snowman



Slushy is melting you see,

He used to be as tall as can be.

We had a warm season,

El Nino's the reason.

He'd do better at a lower degree.





Splat in the Hat



T'was the night before Christmas and on the highway,

Not a car was moving, it was Splat's lucky day.

From out of the sky,

came a fat, jolly guy,

who ran over Spat with his sleigh. Oy Veigh!!



The Infamous Meanies II





Dennis Rodmantis



His hair has been red, green, orange and taupe.

Some like to dis him, some think he's dope.

Though he dresses in drag,

many rebounds he'll snag.

A wedding dress is his biggest hope.





Jerry Stinger



Every day the Meanies tune into Jerry's show.

It's their favorite time of day, you know?

Each day they catch their buzz,

when they see what the Stinger does.

Tune in and don't miss a single blow!





Mallard Stern



There is a mallard we are going to mock,

Although we all listen to this shock jock.

He shoots off his beak

about sex, gas and freaks.

We must admit he really does rock!





Mick Jaguar



This cat gets quite a reaction,

though he growls he gets no satifaction.

If he sticks with the stones,

he may break some bones.

His lips still get lots of action.





Moodonna



Like a bean bag, (Whoo!) stuffed for the very first time.

Her music is great, but her actings a crime.

Now check out those utters,

she's the talk of all mudders.

This material cow's way past her prime!





Quack Nicholson



This shinning stars name is quack.

With his axe he knows to attack.

He has no regrets,

he's as good as it gets.

If you can't handle the truth, you don't know jack!



The Valentines Meanies







Got Lucky

Though missing his foot, he's not slowing.

With the ladies his game just keeps growing.

The bunnies ain't lyin',

'cause when he's multiplyin',

he keeps going and going and going."



Heartless Bear

"I never loved you...from the start,

and now I'm afraid we must part"

you said with a grin,

as you reached right on in,

and yanked out my still beating heart.



Stupid Cupig

Stupid Cupid spreads I'amore,

but his aim is very poor.

Ready! Aim! Fire!

it should have been higher,

now his foot doesn't work anymore.



Series III





Bad Hare Day

This rabbit has a big date,

but it appears he's going to be late.

There's something about this bunny

that makes his hair stand funny.

His girlfriend will just have to wait





Dog Eat Dog

It's a Dog Eat Dog world, it is true.

Just get a load of these two.

So Rex eats up Rover

and, after it's over,

he'll probably come right after you!





Grim Beaver

When this beaver shows up in the hood,

his presence is well understood.

He gnaws at your soul,

drags you down to his hole.

Now you're terminated for good!





John Deer

Hunting his relatives started this fight

finding a Winchest may set it right

So don't mess with John Deer

'cause this buck stops here!

Now it's man season, so stay out of sight!





No Brainer

Duh!





Si and Mia the Siamese Cat

Together since they were a kitten

Si and Mia were thinking of splittin'

"You're one messed up pet",

Said the back alley vet,

So which one get the eye or the mitten?"





Tied the Bear

The beans were on a roll .

Selling styles without any soul.

"Only me in the store,"

this teddy would roar.

So we tied the bear and took back control



Grisly Grizzlies





Bearwitched

Bubble, bubble toil and trouble

My spell will turn your life to rubble.

Stay away from my coven,

or you'll land in my oven.

If you see me, run away on the double!





Count Dracubear

Here I come, I'm your worst nightmare.

The walking undead -Count Dracubear.

So don't fall asleep,

'cause in your window I'll creep

Through the flesh in your neck I will tear.





Frankenbear

Frankenbear, me not bad

Misunderstood, make me Mad

Have no brain,

Not like flame,

Better looks wish me had.



Shocking Stuffers II







Blinky the Cat

Blinky's always reachin' new heights,

but this time she got strung up in the lights.

She bit into the plug,

which lit up her mug,

now she's easy to spot at night.



Insanity Claus

After years of bringing joy,

to every girl and every boy.

His mind's come unwrapped.

He's finally snapped!

He'll tell you what you can do with that toy!!"



Missle Toad

The fuse was lit

"Missile Toad" did fly,

like Santa's sleigh up in the sky.

He'll blow you to bits,

with his very first kiss,

so pucker up and kiss your @*!# goodbye!"



Meanies At Large





12" Bart the Elephart

12" Burny the Bear

12" Lucky the Rabbit

12" Splat the Roadkill Kat

12" Tied the Bear

Meanies Wild World of Sports





Alien Iverson (Philadelphia 76'ers - April 16, 1999)



With each jumper Alien's hurled,

Another team has come unfurled.

His crossover dribble,

Makes opponents just quibble,

`Cause his game is out of this world!





Stephon "Marbeary" Marbury(NJ Nets)

If you're not schooled

He'll make you his meal

When it comes to hoops,

he's got the feel.

He trashes em all

The way he handles the ball.

Cause Marbeary's the real deal.





Keith Van Hornet (NJ Nets - March 19, 2000)

Keith Van Hornet buggin out

He'll show you what this game's about

Don't let the socks fool ya

'cause this bug will school ya

When he goes to the hoop the fans shout!





Jayson "Bison" Williams (NJ Nets - Feb. 6, 2000)



