Buckle up.

“I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange.” – Agent Dale Cooper

Diane, It’s Tuesday, December 17 at 10:00 p.m. and I’m full-force in my getting-ready-for-bed routine. I check my phone one last time and I spy an email alert informing me that my RedditGifts Secret Santa package has shipped! I log in and am a bit taken aback that the package is being FedEx overnighted – sounds expensive. I also noticed that it was being shipped from Washington state, and as a seasoned RedditGifter, I remark to my husband, “Huh, wouldn’t it be something if my Santa was Bill Gates? LOLOLOLOL!” Cue bedtime.

Diane, It’s morning on December 18. The work holiday party is today, so I’m expecting a pretty lax day. I check the shipping page to make sure the package is still on track, and something curious catches my eye- 81 pounds. 81 POUNDS. 81. POUNDS. MY PACKAGE IS BEING OVERNIGHTED ACROSS 8 SHIPMENT ZONES AND IT WEIGHS 81 POUNDS. This is when it hits me that this is something truly special. It’s only 9:30 a.m. and I can’t just ditch to go home to accept this surely gigantic package.

I call FedEx and ask them to please hold the package at a location between work and my house and plan to collect it later that afternoon. I feign competence for the next 7 hours, confiding in one of my co-workers that, OMG, maybe my package is from… A CELEBRITY! There is a lot of speculation flying over text with my husband. At the work holiday party, I bowl a respectable 114; it’s my lucky day! I let slip to a few more co-workers that something insane may be about to happen and that I’ll text them later once I’m certain.

After the party, I rip to FedEx. Upon giving the clerk my tracking number, he shouts, “OH MY GOD! You’re the BILL GATES package!!!!!! We’ve been waiting for you all day. Is this really from Bill Gates, or is it a hoax? Grab a cart because you’re going to need it.” OMG OMG OMG, WHAT.

Out from the back walks a huge box with man’s legs.

“What does ‘#95’ mean?” asks the man-box. “It’s labelled big on each face.”

I am momentarily perplexed, completely fixated on the fact that I am alive and this is actually happening, and then I remember that I mentioned that this was my 95th RedditGifts exchange in my profile. Cool! Holy shit!

I ask the clerk if he can help me load the box into my car because the package weighs almost as much as me, and uhhh, I drive a Mustang. Surprise! It doesn’t fit into the passenger seat or the trunk. I step back inside and call my husband for backup (AND TO HURRY) because I don’t want to open this magic box of surprises in the lobby of a FedEx rife with holiday traffic. Spoiler alert: it didn’t fit in his car, either. Time to open her up, MUCH to the delight of the FedEx employees and a few patrons in the right place at exactly the right time.

I open the box and am immediately struck by a package that is literally lit up with a strand of fairy lights. Wow! I see the infamous Bill Gates letter placard and photo and my stomach flips. THIS JUST HAPPENED.

We carefully load gifts into my trunk and rush home. I wasn’t planning to invite Bill Gates and the internet into my home, so we clean some junk off the couch and spread the gifts out, totally impressed with the quality of the wrapping and the clear attention to details outlined in my gift questionnaire. The wrapping for each gift was indicative of the contents. I liked some of the wrapping so much that I made sure to carefully open so that I can reuse on gifts in future exchanges.

Bill Gates, you are a blessing. This year has been a complete rollercoaster of emotions for me; in March, I lost my mother completely unexpectedly only 10 days before my destination wedding. It has been hard to drum up holiday spirit this year, and this has been a zap taser of Christmas cheer. I have felt like I’ve been on another planet the past few days and I still cannot believe how lucky/cool/honored/all the adjectives I am to have had someone craft such a special and personal set of gifts just for little ol’ me. And your donation to The American Heart Association in my mom’s memory is the most special gift of all. It means more to me than I can express.

Please review the photos and captions for a full rundown of the gifts, but a quick overview:

Bill’s Deck of Books 2019!

A Harry Potter santa hat

Hylian shield earrings



A very heavy and beautiful handmade Zelda quilt

A hammock (with bug net!)

Almond Rocca, Seattle mint chocolates, Jelly Belly’s

Toys for my cat, Emmy!

Seven packs of assorted Oreos

A cat-themed logic game

Eight hardcover books

An extremely fancy manuscript copy of The Great Gatsby

A candle with a passage from The Great Gatsby inscribed

Two exceptional adult-level LEGO sets: Microscale Hogwarts and the retired UCS R2D2 (truth be told, I had previously splurged on both of these sets already; you must have gotten a perfect read on my interests so color me impressed!)

A plethora of Twin Peaks gifts including a shirt and sweatshirt; a book by director Jonathan Sanger and some memorabilia from his collection including 5 scripts from season 2 of Twin Peaks, and an embroidered L.L. Bean jacket worn by crew members during the second season of the show.

Intentionally or unintentionally, a lot of the gift boxes are very nice quality and I can use them to organize things in my home (something I enjoy to do!)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, BILL GATES!

Let's play cards together sometime!