CLEVELAND—Following reports of newly heightened tensions between North and South Korea, local imbecile Aaron Weiss, 29, concluded today that the escalating international conflict was highly reminiscent of the rivalry between popular 1990s rap artists Tupac Shakur and Christopher “Notorious B.I.G.” Wallace. “Here we go again; it’s like Bad Boy v. Death Row, Round Two,” said the stupendous dipshit, somehow managing to liken a highly complex geopolitical crisis to a decades-old hip-hop feud between two recording artists. “North Korea is Biggie and South Korea is Tupac. East Coast against West Coast. Simple as that. Let’s just hope it doesn’t end as tragically.” Sources confirmed Weiss is one of the biggest fucking idiots on the planet.

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