One of the Internet's lesser-known fetishes is "small penis humiliation," also known as SPH. Small penis humiliation is a sexual practice and fantasy for men who enjoy being shamed for the length and girth of their genitals. The SPH community includes men of diverse ages, sexual orientations, socioeconomic levels, races, and personalities. People who practice SPH don't universally have below-average-size penises — in the U.S. that would mean under 5.6 inches when erect — but many do, and those who don't act as if they do during sex. Many men in the SPH community sleep exclusively or primarily with women but get aroused by looking at and touching men's penises.

I reached out to some of these men on Reddit. We spoke via email about their relationship to small penis humiliation and what it's like to sleep with women but be aroused by the genitals of men. The following names are pseudonyms that the interviewees selected for anonymity.

Hi! Before we get into it, can you tell me a little about yourself? Who are you?Ben: I'm a mid-30s married, straight male of Southeast Asian origin currently living in a Western country. I work in the IT industry; raised as Christian and still very involved in church activities. I'm more of an introvert but can be outgoing and [am] comfortable socializing with other people. An ideal weekend for me is to be at home with family, relaxing and reading or playing computer games.

Short Stop: I'm 18 years old, but have been quite mature for my age and a fast grower. I'm single but I'm trying to get into a serious relationship with a close friend of mine who has participated in a group SPH session before. I'm bisexual. I learned I was bi around age 16. I work for a large company stocking shelves and doing shipping orders overnight. I'm an atheist but not in your face about it. Overall I would say that my personality is extroverted. When I first meet someone, I'm quite shy. But I quickly open up and love talking to everyone. I'm a very dominant person, meaning I'm usually in a position of power. Manager, group leader, organizer, etc. etc. I'm a switch in bed, however, meaning I can be a dom [dominant] as well as a sub [submissive]. Overall, I prefer the sub role more, but every now and then, I like being in charge.

Nacha: I'm a 29-year-old grad student who's in a relationship. I don't really categorize my sexuality, but I suppose I'm a pansexual who prefers women. I grew up in a non-religious household with many dysfunctional relationships — I don't think I ever saw love or affection growing up. As far as my personality goes, I'm an introvert. I have a pretty good group of friends, but usually, I keep to myself, spending nights reading or writing.

Brass tacks: How small is your penis?Ben: My penis is around 2.5 to 3.5 inches flaccid and 5.1 inches erect, 4-inch girth. I'm around Asian average, but I consider myself smaller than average or even as small compared to global average or Western expectations. I'm uncut and my foreskin gives an illusion that it is longer than it actually is.

Short Stop: My penis is 2.5 inches. It's really really small, only going about halfway down my ball sack. It's hilariously cute and a little "millimeter Peter" as I'm often told. But once I'm hard, I measure up at 8 inches. This makes SPH difficult for me since of course once I'm hard, I'm clearly not small, but those key people ignore that and just constantly degrade me for it.

Nacha: My penis is 4.75 inches, so it's not that small; however, to a size queen, if it isn't big, it's small.

How did you discover small penis humiliation? When did you realize you were aroused by it?Ben: I was very sheltered and never gave much thought to penis size until I discovered masturbation around the age of 12. When I was 14, my parents sent me from Asia to a Western country to study in an all-boys school. The majority of the students were Caucasian. The school had communal showers. That's when I figured out I have a small penis, by seeing other students with bigger flaccid penises than mine erect! Being one of the few Asians there, I attracted a lot of attention from the kids. Yes, they compared penis sizes (boys being boys) and yes, I got ridiculed badly, and it was one of the toughest times of my life. I didn't enjoy SPH at the time and didn't get any arousal from it until I got to university.

Short Stop: My last girlfriend got me into SPH while we were together. We had been in a full time sub/dom relationship for about three months, myself being the sub, when she mentioned SPH. I had zero idea what it was, but I was eager to please her so I looked into it. I was confused at first, asking why she wanted to try it since I was clearly above average. She laughed and said, "Well ... you're really small when you're soft and it's kinda cute." I instantly got hard. I still can't explain why but her saying that got me really horny. I was a little scared that my body was reacting this way but I still wanted to please her so I went with it. I'm quite glad I did.

Nacha: I was dating a girl back in college. We worked together. We had an incredible chemistry and she led me to believe we were going to get married (she was likely just looking for some excitement). I never thought about my penis size until one day when she was giving me a hand job. I didn't bring my size up, but she did: "It's a good size for anal. My ex wanted to do anal with me, but I'd say, 'Sorry, but you're too big.'" I froze. I thought, "Did she just indirectly say I have a small penis all the while telling me her last boyfriend was big?" I'd never felt so emasculated. I always thought I was average. I tried playing it cool from then on out. I wasn't gonna let my insecurities get the best of me.

So I learned everything I could about pleasing women. I read books, watched videos, you name it. In the end, it didn't matter. My size was a deal breaker. Simply put, she liked 'em big and was never gonna let me have sex with her. When she finally had enough of me, she spread the word among our coworkers. I was given a terribly cruel, yet terribly creative nickname to let the world know of my ill endowment. At the time, I loathed the situation, but one day while masturbating, the memory of her wearing her black boyshorts popped up in my mind. I wanted her so badly. Then I started thinking of her with her big-dick ex-boyfriend, and that really pushed me over the edge. I imagined how he got to see her in those black boyshorts whenever he wanted. I imagined her excitement when she saw his cock for the first time. I imagined her orgasming several times in a row while riding him. After I finished, I felt so low, but over time, it was the only thing I could get off to. I had to hear women glorify big dicks all the while degrading small ones.

What do you enjoy about small penis humiliation?Ben: The sense of defeat. Knowing there is nothing you can do to make your penis bigger. Money can be earned, jewels can be bought, but your manhood size is unchangeable. Talking to friends that know you have a small penis is an experience by itself. Every little smile on their face, you can't stop thinking that they are mocking you deep inside. It makes my heart beat faster. The thrill, the excitement, it pumps more blood to my penis. Isn't it ironic that being made fun of for my small size gives me the hardest erection? It triggers the competitiveness in me. It pushes me to sexually perform better at other areas (oral, fingering). SPH gives me the biggest orgasms I ever had.

Short Stop: I love the humiliation, crave it even. It's such a turn-on, such a hot way to get off. All of it. My favorite thing about SPH is the power it gives whoever is in charge of me at that time. I'm just there with my little penis getting off, and then sometimes people who are humiliating me go even further by asking, "Are you sure you're even a guy? ... Most guys wouldn't get off on being called little when it comes to their manhood."

Nacha: I enjoy women flipping gender roles on their heads. Women are so often taught to be subservient to men. You can see it at the checkout stand at the supermarket. "101 Ways to Please Your Man!" or "Get Your Bikini Body!" Can't it be the other way around? Should women really have to learn ways to please their men out of fear that he might leave? That's the hottest thing about SPH for me: Women who don't care about gender norms. Women are willing to step out of their comfort zone and try something new. I notice a lot of women are pretty open to SPH once you start talking fetishes and fantasies with them. Two things are at play: We unfortunately live in a patriarchal world where men have harassed women over their looks for centuries. Yet, we also live in a PC world where we are not allowed to criticize others out of fear of making them insecure. With SPH, women are allowed to say what they feel with absolute confidence. Tired of the way men talk about women? Give it right back to him and call his dick small. Tired of having to say, "Size doesn't matter?" Well, say it does. Say how you really feel. It's like Fight Club: let your raw side show and don't apologize for it. Stop catering to the modern man and his regulated societal norms.

What don't you enjoy about small penis humiliation?Ben: Some days, you are not in the mood for being made fun of. Especially with work stress and current economy, some untimely SPH can be really depressing reminder that you have a small dick. Imagine being in a meeting room with 20 men, knowing that around 18 of them have bigger penises than you. Some of my work colleagues probably know of my flaccid size, maybe from peeking in urinals. Sometimes it makes you think about your kids. I feel bad I might be passing the small penis genes to them.

Short Stop: The only thing I don't like about SPH is the lack of awareness. It's one of those lesser-known fetishes, so it's much harder to find and get off on.

Nacha: What I don't like is typical porn SPH, which involves a perspective where the actor says comical things like, "Oh my god. I think I need a magnifying glass." It's forced and unrealistic. Plus, it's catering to the guy. What I like about reading a woman's real-life experiences with small penises is that it equates to no attention for the guy.

You mostly sleep with women, but you're aroused by seeing men's large penises. How does that work? Does that ever make you question your sexuality?Ben: For me this is non-issue, it might be an issue for other people. SPH turns me on and I channel [it] by fucking my wife. I find other men's bigger penises fascinating and a marvel to look at. I still identify as being straight, although I am open to touching, comparing, and stroking other men's penises but will not engage in giving or receiving oral or anal from other men.

Short Stop: When a guy humiliates me for how small I am, it's incredibly hot to hear it from another male — just the fact that he now knows he's superior to me and calls me "little dicklet" and names of that nature.

Nacha: I don't ever worry about my sexual orientation. I'm not desperately attempting to reassure myself that I'm straight. If someone wants to refer to me as gay or bi because of my fetishes, then that's great. I mean, it's possible for someone to be attracted to both sexes, although less acceptable for men. For me, I'm visually attracted to women but a penis is also attractive (which is why I love strap-on sex with women so much).

How is SPH different with another man compared to a woman?Ben: I find other straight men tend to boast that they are bigger that you and that they can fuck your wife better. The SPH they give is brutal. I get lots of appreciative comments from gay men. They acknowledge that I'm small but would make highly suggestive comments of what they like about my penis (smooth skin, pubic hair, foreskin, etc). Women tend to make fun of my size but don't usually comment on my sexual competency. Some women do find smaller penises attractive and their SPH is flirtier.

Short Stop: Just knowing that I'm being humiliated by someone who also has a penis is really hot. That immediately puts him above me and gives him power over me, which is hot when I'm a sub. You almost expect some sort of size queen in a woman. But with guys there's this mutual understanding of being a guy. You don't bring up size, no matter how big or small someone is. You just don't do it.

How do you actually practice SPH? Do you have a routine?Ben: My wife is my main humiliator. Due to our circle of mostly church friends, openly practicing SPH along with exhibitionism or swinging/cuckolding is not possible for us. We've found escape through online activities. We post our faceless naked pictures online and we get off from other people's comments on our bodies. My wife loves me dearly and she knows SPH really turns me on. She knows when not to do it and when to stop as well. She has a nickname for my penis in our Asian language, which roughly translates to "small dinky." She likes to say it in public areas, knowing other people probably won't understand us. For example, when going shopping and picking a banana, she would whisper to me she's picking it because it's bigger than my small dinky. We have a game when going shopping, I might put a pack of average or small-size condoms in our basket. At some point when she realizes it's in the basket she has to say, "It's too big for your dick," within someone's earshot. Bonus points if she doesn't realize until we get to the counter and she has to say it in front of the checkout person. My wife has also started getting her younger sister and her boyfriend on board as well. I'm very close to the sister and they all have fun mocking me. I enjoy it immensely.

Short Stop: I practice SPH on a daily basis, meaning throughout the day, a few key people in my life say little comments here and there that they know I will understand. For example, at work, one of the few people I oversee knows about my fetish and makes little remarks like, "Oh, today's gonna be long and hard ... why are you here?" and, "Wow, short list, you write it?" Just very subtle things that remind me what I'm packing. Overall, my experience with SPH has been in person, my last girlfriend getting me into it big time, stemming from femdom [female domination]. When I'm horny and hard, I usually make a post on Reddit about it and tons of guys answer, I love it. Kinda like an online version of a one-night stand. There are five people total that know about my fetish. One is an ex-girlfriend, two are close female friends, and then there are two guy friends that I work out with and whatnot who are also bi. Overall, they love teasing me about it because they know it gets me worked up and makes me squirm. They love having that kind of power over me, especially the two guys, one of whom I've slept with. The main person is the close friend I'm currently trying to get with. Every day, it's comments about my size, how I just don't measure up, how she couldn't be with me because she actually likes sex.

Why do you think SPH became your fetish?Ben: I don't really understand how it became my fetish. Maybe it is a way of coping with the humiliation. I think I mentally conditioned myself to accept SPH whenever I masturbate to thoughts of my wife sucking or stroking other men's penises.

Short Stop: I think that the reason I'm so into SPH is because I've been above average my whole life. I'm usually in a position of power. SPH is like night and day in my life, so it's exciting. Plus in my normal life, no one would dare say anything humiliating to me. It's a nice change of pace.

Nacha: Whatever it is, I love humiliation more than affection. Unconsciously, I believe I've always had a masochistic side. That or I process trauma through my sex drive and end up accepting my situation. My penis is small and there's nothing I can do about it, but I still need to get off. As a result, I end up rolling with the punches and enjoy the words that originally caused me pain. I don't really care for the actual act of sex, the act of fucking a woman; rather, I care for all the things leading up to sex. The mind games. The power struggles. And most importantly, I want to be humiliated. If I had the same experience with her again where she brought up her ex's size, I would ask, "Tell me more. How big was he in comparison to me?" and so on. I would enjoy it.

Anything you'd like to add? Anything you want to tell people about life with a small penis or with a SPH fetish?Ben: It's liberating knowing you don't have to pretend, you can be yourself with literally nothing to hide. Friends that accept you and your small penis are true friends. This is one reason I married my wife.

Short Stop: A lot of people think that SPH is offensive to guys who want it. Well, it's not. SPH is just a fetish like any other. It doesn't make us sick or wrong. Some people like being tied up, some people like being strangled, some people like being told they have a little penis. Don't immediately judge something you haven't looked into and know nothing about. That's the main reason there aren't more people willing to participate. Every one of my exes that I've told and let them try it out then go on to spread it to more guys. Eight times out of 10, the guys like it too. Most guys like it full-time, but there are those who only like it in the sack. Keep an open mind when you hear about new things and don't just dislike it because it's new.

Nacha: Life with a small penis is fine. Really, sex is about exploration and trying new things to keep it creative. Sure, bigger guys are gonna have more success, but relationships aren't built on penis size. I've had several women go behind their big-dick boyfriends' backs to explore their kinky side with me, so clearly they needed more than a big penis. So yes, I fantasize about being inadequate, but in reality, my open-mindedness for sexual kinks is actually a strength. Plus, I don't have the hang-ups or shame that some small dick guys have. For example, if she needs a large vibrator to get off, it's not going to affect my confidence. All in all, I know who I am and what I like, and that's a vital aspect to having satisfying sex.

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