My libido took a nosedive after the birth of both of my children. For a while, I blamed it on wacky hormones. But that excuse, two years postpartum, has gotten a little old.

I even had my hormones tested by doctors. All of the results came back normal. I now can only assume that my struggle with sex is psychological. I hardly ever think about sex. I think about my kids, their activities, my work, my husband's work, getting dinner on the table, cleaning toilets (crazy, I know) — all before I think about having sex with my husband. Or having sex with anyone for that matter (I know people even in the most committed relationships who fantasize about other people).

I do not heat up under the hood. The sex switch is often stuck. Except for when I'm ovulating (and not the painful kind of ovulating — because that right there is a mood killer).

When I'm ovulating, normally and pain-free, I wanna pounce on anything that has a penis. The fact that there is some spark down south gives me hope. But hope ain't enough for my hubby.

He's starving for sex. And if he's gone on a business trip during the three days I'm ovulating, he's screwed. And not in the good way. It could be a month before the next surge of estrogen puts me in sexy mode. And my husband has made his dissatisfaction very clear to me on several occasions.

"If you really loved me, you would just do it for me."

"We're married, we're supposed to have sex."

"You're my wife, don't you want to make your husband happy?"

But, what about me? What about what makes me happy? And comfortable?

I could blame my lack of libido on a thousand things — I'm "touched out" from our young children groping, poking, and puking on me all day. I'm exhausted (What parent isn't?). Work stresses me out. I take on the brunt of the domestic duties. I hate my squishy, soft, post-baby body. I don't have time to wax … again.

Whatever the reason, I'm not going to make myself do something I don't want to do. I'm not going to set a sex schedule for me and my husband because that's what the sexperts and psychobabblers of the universe suggest.

I've tried having sex when I'm not in the mood, and it's horrible. I don't feel horny. I feel annoyed. I feel worse. I feel resentful. No, instead, I got creative. I offered my husband a hall pass. A free pass to get freaky with whomever he wants. An open marriage, to me, is not ideal. But neither is divorce.

Everyone seems to think that if a couple is not having sex, they are doomed for divorce. I disagree. My husband and I have a lot of good stuff between us. There is a lot more than sex in this relationship to sustain us and our family. If he needs to rendezvous with someone else to stay sane, or happy, or with me, then go ahead.

My husband and I are friends and family. With the introduction of children, we are lovers second. I put my kids before my husband. I don't give a damn about obligatory date nights. We are raising needy, helpless human beings. They will always come first.

I'm in this for the long run. I want to go to soccer games and dance recitals with my husband. I want to watch our kids graduate together. I want to come up with solutions to my sex struggles that keep us together for all of life's great moments for years.

Even if the solutions are unconventional or not widely accepted. Even if some would ask me, "Why are you even married if you're allowing your husband to cheat on you?" "What is the point of marriage?"

Marriage, in your own life, can be defined and carried out any way that you'd like. Men and men, women and women, kids or no kids, living in the same house, or living separately, open or closed. Whatever works for you.

Of course I'm bothered by my struggles with sex. It's not easy for me either. It's especially difficult as a person who has been groomed by society to think that the only way to achieve intimacy with your partner is sex. I'm learning that's not true. I hope my husband learns that too. In the meantime, he has his free pass.

He hasn't used it yet (that I know of). He says he's waiting for me, when I'm ready.

Sarah Hosseini Sarah is an introverted urbanite hiding out in the suburbs, wondering where is everybody?

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