Ferrari has now ‘let go’ of so many people following its underwhelming 2014 season that the only person left working at the factory is Sebastian Vettel.

‘There have been several departures this week,’ said the team’s press spokesman, Sebastian Vettel. ‘But work continues on next season’s car under the supervision of technical director Sebastian Vettel and chief designer, Sebastian Vettel.’

Sources in Maranello say that Vettel is pulling out all the stops to get the new car ready, under direct orders from team principal Sebastian Vettel.

UPDATE: In a shock move, Ferrari team boss Sebastian Vettel has sacked himself. For the time being, his duties will be taken on by a small piece of broken carbon fibre.

UPDATE 2: Spies say an enormously hungover Kimi Raikkonen has just woken up from under a pile of overalls and flags in a store room and is now staggering about the deserted factory muttering ‘oh no, zombie attack’.