Internet shorthand as if written by a proper Englishman

I now present the sequel to “Famous movie quotes as if written by a proper Englishman“…

hah!

I found your last comment humorous, good sir!

hahaha

My jubilant utterance could be heard in the next room!

lol - laugh out loud

I did laugh merrily in an out loud fashion.

rofl - rolling on floor laughing

I dare say I fell onto the ground, and proceeded to roll about as if I were swine of some sort.

lmao - laughing my ass off

I laughed so intensely that my buttocks nearly disconnected from my flesh.

pmsl - pissed myself laughing

My guttural emission of joy caused me to urinate my trousers.

omg - oh my god

Gordon Bennett!

zomg - oh my god with a z at the beginning

zGordon Bennett!

w/e - whatever

Right. Would you like some tea?

stfu - shut the fuck up

If you were drinking tea right now, you would not be speaking.

ily - I love you

I dare say, if I weren’t a proper Englishman and my heart was not a cold dark place, I suspect I would feel quite passionate about you.

roflcopter - rolling on the floor laughing…copter

As I was rolling about on the floor, emitting sounds of jubilance, I did see a strange flying machine.

gtfo - get the fuck out

I must request that you depart hastily.

tits or gtfo - tits or get the fuck out

Madam, I ask that you reveal your bosom to me, for if you do not, I must request that you depart hastily.

imho - in my humble opinion

Tis fact.

j/k - just kidding

An Englishman never kids.

afk - away from keyboard

I will be absent from this typing device for the time being.

rtfm - read the fucking manual

Jeeves, would you please look over these instructions?

milf - mother I’d like to fuck

Even though that gentlewoman has bared offspring, I cannot deny that I still have the desire to fornicate with her.

smd - suck my dick

Would you be so kind as to fellate my little Englishman?

idk - i don’t know

I know, but I’d rather not say.

pos - parent over shoulder

The nanny is about.

ftw - for the win

Victory!

ftl - for the lose

Defeat? I do not believe that is so. We have clearly planted the flag of our nation. Do you not see the flag? Victory!

roflwaffles

roflcrumpets

mofo - mother fucker

You have coital relations with your mother, sir! I suspect you to be royalty and I humbly bow at your feet.

ASL - age/sex/location

I would like to inquire the number of years you have spent on this earth, the specifics of what genitalia you possess, as well as the geographic area you occupy.

bff - best friends forever

eternal acquaintance

l8r g8r - later gator

I bid you adieu, american reptile.

omgwtfbbq - oh my god, what the fuck, barbecue

Great deity in heaven, what in the queen’s name is that? That makes less sense than an outdoor cooking apparatus.

fml - fuck my life

I am British.