Uh-oh. I’m approaching a cliche at 52mph. Could be more, but the speedo needle has got the shakes. Eyes back on the road. A greasy roundabout, lined with hedgerows, is imminent. Shortly, the Peugeot 205 GTi will nonchalantly ping off into an unsalvageable heap of lift-off oversteer, landing in its preferred habitat on the set of Autumnwatch.

But, somehow, the accident, insurance claim and awkward phone call to this 1991 1.6 GTi’s trusting owner never comes. The 205 responds eagerly to its up-in-my-chest, thin-rimmed steering wheel, buffed to a sheen through 115,000 miles of grinning. It just flits across the slippery chicane and bwaaarrrp… it’s off again.

Photography: Simon Thompson

This feature was originally published in the January 2016 issue of Top Gear magazine.