The best definition of choice feminism I came across comes from Fem Magazine, which asserts that ‘stating the individual choices of a woman are inherently feminist, because she made them herself.’

A lot of people (especially men) hate feminism for various reasons. The religious conservative believe it is against a god or gods’ natural order for women to be considered equal to men. They go as far as deeming it an abomination. They’ve even got women believing it too. They are hellbent on keeping the patriarchy intact and ongoing. They hate women.

The atheists hate feminism too. You would think a group of people who don’t adhere to blatantly sexist religious dogma would be free from its grip and be able to embrace gender equality, but, nope, it’s got them in a chokehold. And they like the chokehold, because as far as my experience goes, most atheist men are predominantly chauvinist. They really hate women.

The more liberal-minded men hate feminism because, well, they don’t necessarily hate it. They just think women scream about it too much; and everyone knows women already have all the rights men have…or rather, all the rights they’ll ever need. These guys pretend to appreciate the drive behind feminism, but don’t particularly like the way modern feminists are going about it, calling men names. So hurtful. They always voice out their preference to first and second wave feminism because it was nicer and didn’t make men look bad, which made them adored and revered by all. (This widespread delusional mentality is proof that men don’t know the first thing about feminism, seeing as first and second wave feminists were not only hated and ridiculed by men, but also building-burning, protesting, patriarchy-smashing, militant radicals of the first order.) Besides, feminism is divisive and they believe everyone should be humanists instead, a widely misused term that serves as a polite fuck-you to feminism. That’s because they hate women.

Incels are, well, incels. Along the line somewhere, a few women came across their Mr. Nice Guy™ charm and rejected all their sexual advances. Bewildered as to how this tragedy could occur, they now just hate women for sport.

Misogyny is at the root of every act of rejection of gender equality.

I find it funny and ironic that even though these groups of men-and more-are averse to feminist ideology in general, they are willing to defend choice feminism with the last drop of blood in their bodies.

Why? Because choice feminism is just patriarchy with an Invisibility Cloak on.

For those in the back, I said: choice feminism is just patriarchy with an Invisibility Cloak on.

It’s common observation that men only acknowledge feminism when they want to use it to uphold their own interests. When a woman boldly declares being feminist, she is battered by an onslaught of insults and threats from grown men who just will not accept a woman unshackling herself from the burden of being controlled by society. There is something about feminism that just sets off the right men, causing them to shed their civilized façade and turn into frothing, raging bulls. I wish I was exaggerating but the misogyny is too deep. When a woman talks about equal rights and shedding patriarchal ideals in order to live a fuller life not centered around men, she gets a lot of vitriol and hate from men.

However, I’ve noticed that when another woman talks about reinforcing traditional gender roles in her own life, she is bombarded with praise and support from the same men.

What’s funnier, these men defend her by invoking choice feminism.

A woman tweeted about having to wake up every morning by 4am to do chores and cater to her husband who would still be sleeping by that time, and how she absolutely adored doing it. Every day. For the rest of her married life.

And men ate that shit up.

“Well, isn’t feminism about choice anyway? She chooses to do this.”

“Feminists are so bitter. What is wrong with a woman doing this for her family? It’s not like she’s being forced to do it.”

“Feminists are just mad because she’s young and beautiful and her man wants her because she takes good care of him. What a bunch of lonely old cat-ladies.”

“That’s what you do when you love someone. You take care of them.”

Blah blah and more blah. Sexist men would say anything to protect their privilege over women.

Besides, if waking up by 4am to cook and clean for your partner was such a show of love, then why don’t men do it? Why do they get angry when asked to do the barest minimum in domestic chores, and proceed to call the women ‘naggers?’ If the woman didn’t do it, would he?

He would never, because it is not expected of him. It is expected of women to sacrifice their comfort for the comfort of the man. It is not his role to play traditionally.

The problem with choice feminism is that it accommodates the very ideals feminism fights against. Choice feminism is patriarchy’s shoddy attempt to worm its way into original feminism. Whilst feminism leaves no room for worn-out patriarchal norms, choice feminism sympathizes with it, makes excuses for it, and gives it the grandest seat at the table.

Gender roles are at the heart of the patriarchy.

Where these roles exist, women can never be totally free of societal stigma. It is the complete opposite of what feminism stands for. When a woman chooses to perform traditional gender roles, roles which are expected of her, roles which wouldn’t otherwise be fulfilled outside of her presence, then she is under the influence of the patriarchy. This does not qualify as feminism.

When a woman says she loves waking up at 4am and suffering to take care of her household, what she is really saying is that it is expected of her, and that if she doesn’t wake up by 4am to suffer for her family, her partner wouldn’t either. She is simply pretending, lying to herself and others. If she doesn’t make that sacrifice, nobody else would. This is the essence of patriarchy- women making unnecessary and IMBALANCED sacrifices until they have nothing left to give. That is what makes her a Virtuous Woman™ in the eyes of society. Her reward would be an occasional pat on the head and a wreath on her grave when she finally collapses from all that strenuous work.

There is nothing glorious about a woman slaving away in one-sided, backbreaking work in her home, whether or not she is a housewife. I think we can all agree that domestic work is not only tasking, but also underrated and overwhelming. Men like to use an occasional breadwinner status to justify women being subservient, but how can you even begin to compare a 9 to 5 to a 24/7, especially when that 24/7 job is as multifaceted as can be, and involves taking care of and planning an entire household? When you realize that a lot of women are breadwinners and income-generators in their households, this set-up gets a whole lot worse.

In America, 80% of Black women are the breadwinners and yet they are still expected to perform most or all of the domestic duties in the house, while their men help once in a while. Maybe pick up a towel and dunk it in the hamper a couple times a year or something.

The funny thing is that, as men reminisce fondly over how hard their mothers slaved for the household and expect their future wives to happily do the same, the mothers will tell you how miserable it made them and how, if given a choice, they would not repeat that life.

Women who choose to do this have every right to. It’s their choice, influenced by the patriarchy, of course, but still their choice. However, it has absolutely nothing to do with feminism and cannot be defended with it. That is my whole point here.

There is nothing inherently wrong with women choosing how to perform their affection for their loved ones, or even taking care of them. But when it becomes a one-sided, imbalanced role, her duty to play because ‘she is a woman,’ then it becomes something totally different. it ceases to be voluntary. It ceases to be her choice. It becomes her stereotypical duty.

No part of feminism reinforces patriarchal norms.

Feminism does not adhere to stereotypes. It doesn’t respect them. It intends to get rid of them once and for all.

Thanks for reading.