The Misery Index Week 9: Crushed in Columbia

Dan Wolken | USA TODAY Sports

It's only appropriate that Missouri sounds a lot like misery.

How do you lose that game? Seriously, how do you lose that game? As the Misery Index watched the proceedings around the country Saturday night, if there was any lead that seemed collapse-proof, it was Missouri's 17-0 margin in the fourth quarter against South Carolina. The Gamecocks were doing absolutely nothing, Missouri looked confident and the breaks all seemed to be going the Tigers' way.

But Missouri's history of epic football disappointments was ultimately too much to overcome. Though the Tigers may still win the SEC East, Saturday was a chance to have their entire program viewed differently and remain true national title contenders into November. Instead, as Andrew Baggett's 24-yard field goal clanked off the left upright in the second overtime, giving South Carolina a 27-24 victory, Missouri's heartbreak became the story of their season for now.

And that's not fair, because the Tigers looked like a very good team for the first seven games and 45 minutes of this season. They still are a good team, but now they'll have to carry the what-ifs around with them forever unless they can somehow rally, win the SEC and make a BCS bowl.

It has to hurt even worse for Missouri fans because it's hard to believe an opportunity this delicious will be served up to them any time soon.

The SEC East has been a MASH unit, with key bodies at Georgia, Florida and South Carolina all breaking down and Tennessee still a couple years away from true relevance. Though Missouri has been a solid program under Gary Pinkel, the confluence of circumstances that put the Tigers at the top of the SEC East this season will be difficult to recreate year in and year out.

And all they needed to clinch their spot in Atlanta and maintain a top-5 ranking was one timely play. They couldn't get it in the fourth quarter on offense or defense and certainly didn't get it in either overtime, allowing South Carolina to score a touchdown on fourth-and-ballgame, then missing a chip shot field goal to send it to a third overtime.

It was a horrible way to lose, and quite befitting of the No. 1 ranking in this week's Misery Index.

(Disclaimer: This isn't a ranking of worst teams, worst losses or coaches whose jobs are in the most jeopardy. This is simply a measurement of a fan base's knee-jerk reaction to what they last saw. The way in which a team won or lost, expectations vis-à-vis program trajectory and traditional inferiority complex of fan base all factor into this ranking)

(Disclaimer No. 2: By virtue of firing their coaches, Connecticut and Southern Cal are hereby excluded from this and future editions of the Misery Index since fans can now look forward to a new regime taking hold in 2014.)

1. Missouri: The hardest thing to get over is how quickly it happened. Missouri's cruising, cruising, cruising and then…here comes Connor Shaw and it's like a Roman candle going off on the Missouri sideline. Shaw, by the way, deserves an immense amount of credit. The guy has always been one of the toughest customers in the SEC for awhile, and Steve Spurrier loves him for that in a way he hasn't loved any other quarterback he's coached at South Carolina. After a knee injury last week and a flu-like illness, Shaw was only inserted into the game out of desperation, and he delivered 201 passing yards on 20-of-29 completions with three touchdowns in just one quarter and two overtimes. It was as clutch of a performance as any quarterback has had all year in college football, and yet it only adds to the misery for Missouri fans, who have to be wondering how that's possible from a guy who sat on the sidelines for three quarters.

2. Ohio State: Unbeaten, ranked No. 4, coming off a 49-point win and … miserable? That's the message the Misery Index got on Twitter late Saturday night from the Buckeyes' fan base, which is just now beginning to realize it needs major, major help to get into the BCS national championship game. And they're not happy about it. Look, the BCS may be an absurd and unfair way to pick a champion, but it's the system we've got for one more year. And within that system, it's quite clear as we head into November that Ohio State cannot pass Alabama, Oregon or Florida State as long as those three teams remain unbeaten. In fact, the Buckeyes may even be in danger of falling behind Baylor should the Bears run the table in the Big 12. Ohio State's schedule really is that bad, and if the Buckeyes wanted to put themselves into the discussion, they should have made an emphatic statement against Wisconsin and Northwestern, not a Penn State team with 61 scholarship players. It's quite a coincidence that a week after the BCS standings came out and made the picture clear, Urban Meyer ran it up on someone at the first opportunity. Sure, Ohio State played backups for much of the second half in a 63-14 win; it's also true Meyer challenged a spot in the fourth quarter to get the ball back with his team leading the game by 49 points. Sorry, but too late. Those tooth-and-nail battles with Wisconsin, Northwestern and Iowa helped establish the BCS pecking order, and no victory margin against the Big Ten's weak sisters will thrust the Buckeyes above one of the top three. Better hope for some help.

3. Virginia Tech: Once upon a time, quarterback Logan Thomas was considered one of the best pro prospects in all of college football. Scouts looked at his size, mobility, pure arm strength and saw a big-time NFL player. At some point, though, results matter – and Thomas' results have indicated that his ability to play the position will never quite match up to his physical skills. That has to be frustrating not only for Thomas, but a fan base that desperately wants him to succeed, only to be disappointed once again in Saturday's 13-10 loss to Duke at Lane Stadium. There's no doubt the Hokies have one of the nation's most impressive defenses, but they're wasting it this season thanks to an offense that just can't get it done against quality teams. Consider what happened Saturday: Virginia Tech held Duke to 198 total yards, forced four turnovers, nearly doubled the Blue Devils in time of possession (39:27 to 20:33) and didn't allow Duke to convert a third down (0-for-11) or complete a pass in the second half – and still lost. That's only possible with an offense as brutal as the Hokies', which got just 214 passing yards on Thomas' 38 attempts with four interceptions. Virginia Tech is going to end up 9-3 or 10-2 this season and feel like it underachieved.

4. Nebraska: Here we go again. Six weeks ago, Nebraska fans were on fire after absorbing a 41-21 loss to UCLA, prompting speculation about Bo Pelini's job security. It didn't help that the following Monday, two-year old audio surfaced on Deadspin.com of Pelini throwing expletives at the Cornhuskers' fan base. But all had been forgiven, at least temporarily, as Nebraska routinely won its next three. This actually could have set up OK for Pelini. The Huskers' schedule is so weak they could have easily smoke-and-mirrored their way to a season that looked great on paper and given Pelini a lot of ammunition to say he's doing a great job in Lincoln. But losing 34-23 at Minnesota is another setback, and Pelini's seat should indeed be warming up again. Nebraska fans get criticized nationally for expecting too much, and that college football is different than it was in the 1990s when the Big Red was dominant. Forget all that. Nebraska shouldn't lose to Minnesota. And it especially shouldn't lose to Minnesota while allowing 271 rushing yards and 430 total. That's a pretty disgusting performance.

5. West Virginia: Back in August, Dana Holgorsen told the Charleston Daily Mail, "I don't want to sound optimistic. I want to sound like the world is coming to an end, the sky is falling, the walls are crashing in on top of us, whatever." Well, congrats, Dana. If that quote sounds odd coming from a coach, well, here's some context. Holgorsen, in fact, felt very good about this West Virginia team – even cocky, perhaps – and wanted the world to underestimate the Mountaineers. It turns out, they were estimated correctly. It's not just that the Mountaineers are bad this year, they're irrelevant. Sure, they beat Oklahoma State in one of the most stunning upsets of the season. But that is a small moment of sunshine for a team that has otherwise played like garden variety roadkill against decent competition. In Holgorsen's first two seasons, this was a must-watch team for better or worse. They were interesting and innovative with all kinds of offensive weapons. Now they struggle to do everything and have been beaten by three touchdowns in nine of Holgorsen's 34 games as head coach. At least in the Big East, West Virginia fans could count on competing for conference titles and BCS bowls. In the Big 12, they've mostly been overmatched. The Mountaineers may be able to beat Kansas and Iowa State to end the season and claim momentum, but they'll need to beat either TCU or Texas to go bowling for the 12th consecutive year.

6. Boise State: Surely, some folks at the American Athletic Conference are cackling right now. A year ago, with the Big East teetering and Boise State suddenly in a position of power with respect to the league it was slated to join, school officials called an audible. They demanded a new provision that would allow Boise State to keep its own TV rights so the school could cut its own deal and, essentially, make more money than the other conference members. The Big East said, "Thanks, but no thanks," and the Mountain West cut Boise State a sweetheart deal in which its home games are sold as a separate package to ESPN, which means more money and exposure than other teams in the league. Though the American was disappointed to lose Boise, the decision not to tie its future to the Broncos looks smart right now. Boise is relatively young and has suffered some injuries on offense, but there are signs that the program might have topped out. At 5-3, including Friday's 37-20 loss at BYU, the Broncos have been average all year and don't look like they're getting much better. Because the MWC is so weak, Boise should get to at least eight wins, but this is a disappointing season, especially for a fan base that A) isn't used to losing and B) is desperately afraid that Chris Petersen might leave. This is the kind of year that could make Petersen wonder if he's taken Boise as far as it can go and it's time for a new challenge.

7. Northwestern: What the heck happened here? Though Northwestern fans don't necessarily expect Big Ten championships and are generally overjoyed with mere competence, we dare say that the Wildcats rank among the nation's most disappointing teams. It seems like only yesterday Northwestern had College GameDay on campus and Ohio State on the ropes, with a chance to break into the top-10. Now, the Wildcats will need to pull an upset down the stretch to make a bowl game. It's really hard to figure. Despite the heartbreaking loss to the Buckeyes, Northwestern at least looked like they belonged on the same field. But it seems like everything that could gone wrong has gone wrong since then, with four consecutive Big Ten losses including Saturday's 17-10 overtime gut-punch at Iowa. On the bright side, maybe this nosedive means Northwestern won't have to fight off USC or Texas to keep Pat Fitzgerald?

8. Virginia: In 2011, Mike London was a great story. The former police detective, who got into coaching and won the Football Championship Subdivision title at Richmond, was named ACC coach of the year after going 8-4 in just his second season. Now, he's not such a great story. Though Virginia doesn't seem like the kind of program that can or should just cycle through coaches every four years, it appears the Cavaliers are headed for a winless ACC season unless they pull a big upset down the stretch. That's not acceptable, nor is London's overall record of 18-27. In fact, if you remove 2011 from the equation, London's teams are just 3-17 in the ACC. As an aside, Virginia's 19-16 victory over BYU in the season opener looks like one of the college football season's biggest anomaly results. That probably makes it even worse for Cavaliers fans, who had legitimate hope after Week 1 only to see it dissolve into 2-6.

9. Mississippi State: Did you see all those empty seats last Thursday? Sure, it was a midweek game against Kentucky – not exactly a recipe for a packed house – but Mississippi State always fans show up in force when there's a product worth watching. Right now, the Bulldogs don't really have one, and it was reflected in the large sections of empty bleachers visible during a 28-22 victory over the Wildcats. There just isn't much enthusiasm for the direction of the program right now under Dan Mullen, and that's somewhat understandable given his lack of success against ranked teams and 5-18 record against the SEC West. Still, what do you do if you're Mississippi State, and what more can you expect? You don't have the resources or cachet of your competition. Mullen has gone to bowl games the last three seasons. But until he wins a big one, this is going to be an unsettled fan base whose support for Mullen will remain tepid.

10. Southern Miss: You'd think Southern Miss fans would be numb to ineptitude by now, but every now and then there's a reminder just how far this program has fallen. The latest was a 55-14 loss Saturday to North Texas, which makes 19 in a row for the Golden Eagles with no end in sight. It's now very possible Southern Miss could string together consecutive winless seasons, which is mind-blowing for a program that put up 18 straight winning seasons between 1994 and 2011. Southern Miss fired Ellis Johnson last season after just one year on the job, but it's almost certain the same fate won't befall Todd Monken, even though his team got out-gained 529-249 yards by North Texas and committed five turnovers.

Others receiving votes (Miserable, but not quite miserable enough): Rutgers, Kansas, Illinois, TCU, Pittsburgh, Iowa State, North Carolina State, Hawaii.