THE British wife of a "virtuous paedophile" has said her husband's sexual attraction to young girls is a mental health issue and more help should be available.

Tabitha Abel's husband Gary Gibson is a "comfortably out" paedophile who is aroused by girls aged between 6 and 12 but chooses not to act on his urges.

7 'She was very accepting and very supportive': Gary told his wife Tabitha, both pictured, that he was a paedophile in 2010 Credit: Facebook

Father-of-three Gary, 65, told The Sun Online he has never been arrested for, or charged with, committing crimes against children.

He has set up a non-profit organisation that offers help and support to non-offending paedophiles.

Gary says his own desires do not extend to young boys and he tends not to be aroused by older teenage girls.

Speaking exclusively to The Sun, he explained: "When they pass 12 they tend to get into themselves, start to make themselves look older, and I like things natural so there we are.

"When they start wearing lipstick and stuff like that I don't find it very appealing."

Happily-married Gary, a former teacher who has also worked in the grocery trade, is a devout Christian opposed to watching pornography in any form.

He says most people wouldn't think of him as a paedophile because he "doesn't fit the standard profile".

He added: "I don't go around in a white van giving candy to kids in the park.

"I'm just a normal everyday person."

Gary is a member of an online forum called Virtuous Paedophiles which has around 1,800 members who are attracted to children but choose not offend.

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He said the site receives around 100 new posts a day.

Gary has three children from a past relationship who are aged between 38 and 42, and he says they have come to terms with the fact their father is a paedophile.

He has candidly revealed that when they were born he made a pact with himself not to abuse any of them.

The loving dad, whose family has a dark history of incestual child sex abuse, lives with Tabitha in his native Oregon in the USA.

Astonishingly he says his wife reacted calmly when he told her he was a paedophile five years into their marriage.

Gary, who acknowledges he is "extremely lucky" in that respect, said: "She was very accepting.

"She was very supporting and accepting and was confident I had not done anything inappropriate.

"She was a little surprised but never said anything like 'oh yikes'.

"She's a medical (professional), she's a nurse, so she sees it from a mental health perspective."

7 'I am responsible for my actions': Gary has said paedophiles have the ability to control their urges just like everyone else Credit: Facebook

British-born Tabitha, who was raised in Canterbury, Kent, met Mr Gibson through online dating site while working in California in 2004.

They married a year later and Gary told her he was a paedophile in 2010.

Tabitha, a retired nurse who was trained in Windsor, Berkshire, said: "He didn't tell me he was a paedophile per se.

"He told me was sexually attracted to children.

"I don't remember when I put the two and two together and said 'he's a paedophile.'

"I don't consider him to be a paedophile because like most people I consider a paedophile to be a child molester - which he isn't.

"It was a slow dawning.

"Paedophilia doesn't mean that you're a child molester, and I think that's where people are caught out."

The pair say they have a normal sexual relationship.

7 'Being a paedophile doesn't mean you are a child molester': Tabitha encouraged her husband to become a counsellor who could help other people attracted to kids Credit: Facebook

Gary told the Sun Online how when he was younger his father sexually abused three of his sisters.

His maternal grandfather sexually abused two of his daughters and his paternal grandmother sexually abused at least two of her sons.

Gary has said he was never targeted himself as a youngster but that a counsellor once told him his mother had abused him.

His mother strongly denies the claim and Gary believes that many therapists in the 1980s pushed their clients into developing a "false memory".

Gary says his wife was supportive in helping him set up the Association for Sexual Abuse Prevention International (ASAP) in 2014.

The non-profit organisation brings together mental health professionals and individuals who are sexually attracted to children.

It supports non-offending paedophiles who want to avoid acting on their urges.

Gary's belief is that paedophiles don't have to abuse children and can restrain themselves.

He said: "There are heterosexuals who chose not act on (their urges), there are homosexuals who chose not act on it.

"There are people who choose to be celibate and paedophiles can chose that too."

7 Gary is a member of online forums set up for non-offending paedophiles to share their experiences Credit: Facebook

'Reducing the stigma and offering support': What is a virtuous paedophile? A 'virtuous paedophile' is simply someone who is attracted to children but chooses not to act on their urges. It is this decision that distinguihses them from a child molester who physically attacks children. The title 'virtuous paedophile' comes from the online forum with same name. It was set up to provide support to help law-abiding paedophiles live 'happy and productive lives'. It now has around 1,800 members and receives around 100 new posts each day. The site was started by Nick Devin and Ethan Edwards. Nick is in his mid-60s and is married with four children. However he admits to being a paedophile who is attracted to boys aged between 12 and 14. Ethan, in his mid-50s, was married for many years and raised three daughters. He is also a paedophile who is attracted to girls aged as young as four. The virtuous paedophile website serves as a support network where people attracted to children can offer each other support. The website has a 'help section' with a list of organisations to call if you need support. These include The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers, Association for Sexual Abuse Prevention, and AASECT - an organisation of sex educators, therapists and counsellors. The site encourages people to avoid being alone with children if they feel they can't be trusted. Virtuous paedophiles are 'non-contact' paedophiles who feel they should be not be allowed to sexually interact with children. The group Visions of Alice is more controversial and believes it should be legal for paedophiles to sexually interact with kids.

Gary stresses that he is not therapist but he does provide "life coaching" to paedophiles in need.

He added that earlier this week a 16-year-old had reached out to him for help.

He continued: "Ninety per cent of therapists don't want anything to do with paedophiles.

"They fear will they be stigmatised.

"They are afraid they will be outed as helping paedophiles."

Mr Gibson has started a research project to study which approaches and techniques are most helpful in treating paedophiles.

He is generally cynical about the affects of aversion therapy and whether it is a healthy approach.

Mr Gibson said: "About 10% of gay people have found it successful.

"The majority found it made them worse off - suicidal or whatever."

7 Tabitha is a retired nurse and views paedophilia as a mental issue that people should be educated about Credit: Facebook

Tabitha added: "I think education of the public is important.

"When I worked in a hospital I would speak to balanced people, I wouldn't necessarily say educated, but balanced people who were interested things.

"I would say don't just assume because someone's a paedophile they are a child molester.

"As a health professional I think education is so important.

"And this information needs to get out and people need to not jump to conclusions.

"By jumping to conclusions it tells people who are sexually attracted to minors not to access help or counselling."

Gary's sexual orientation has dogged him throughout his life as he kept it tucked away for years whilst choosing not to act on it.

He told The Sun Online he felt suicidal and revealed has has bout of depressions.

I don't consider him to be a paedophile because like most people I consider a paedophile to be a child molester - which he isn't Tabitha has stood by her husband

Gary says that his fantasies about children are not purely sexual and usually revolve around behaviour that would be considered "grooming them" - where he is "on their level" and can have the "type of relationship you would have with an adult" even though he knows that is not possible.

He says his desires are "romantic" and not "purely sexual" but admits this might not be the same for other paedophiles.

He says he typically avoids "masturbating to scenes involving children" but he "doesn't beat himself up if that happens".

Gary said: "I don't feel bad it about because it's not reality, I can differentiate between fantasy and reality."

He reached a turning point when a relationship he was in broke down and he became single in the 90s.

He explains: "I spent time in the South Pacific Islands where a lot of kids were running around naked.

"Back in Oregon I was also in counselling to try and get my life together while I was single.

"When I explained that to a therapist, told her about my attraction, she abandoned me without a referral."

7 Tabitha's husband Gary says he fantasises about grooming children and sometimes about having sex with them Credit: Facebook

Gary said this experience made him feel he was "more at risk than ever before" and he felt "totally abandoned and rejected".

The paedophile says he doesn't feel threatened by people in the town where he lives because locals don't know about his condition.

Gary says he has shared his secret with some of the leaders of his religious community and he has not been ostracised because they are confident he is not at risk of abusing a child.

He says the worst treatment he has had was at the hands of mental health professionals when he studied for a Masters degree in mental health counselling.

When he "came out" to Tabitha in 2010 she advised him to become a counsellor to help other people "struggling with paedophilia".

He studied at Walden University online but was dismissed "solely because of his sexual orientation" after he revealed he was a paedophile.

Gary began to advocate for pedophiles to be able to receive therapy prior to sexually abusing a child. He presented a proposal to the multi-disciplinary team and received a mixed response.

He said: "About half of them agreed that it was time for primary prevention, but the other half, including people from child protection services wouldn't even talk to me.

"They said 'we don't do prevention'.

"Well obviously they should."

7 UK-born Tabitha was able to accept her husband's condition quickly and move on Credit: Facebook

He added: "A few people assumed I was a monster.

"Just a ticking time bomb waiting to go off - waiting to molest.

"Most of the paedophiles I know don't want to do it.

"They don't want to hurt a child.

"They're not psychopaths, I know some that are.

"But the majority don't think it would be OK under any circumstances."

Gary, who says he has low self-esteem because of his paedophilia, said the experience left him anxious and depressed.

Researching and studying paedophilia has become an obsession since he retired and he has become a member of two online communities.

The groups B4U-ACT and Virtuous Paedophiles bring together non-offenders who want to discuss their attraction to children and seek support.

Todd Nickerson, who uses the forum, is a self-confessed paedophile who said the condition is better understood as a sexual orientation.

He is not a member of the controversial group Visions of Alice.

Mr Gibson says he has no desire to "change the laws" around child sex abuse and said he and other members of the Virtuous Paedophile group are "anti-contact".

He describes most members of Visions of Alice as being "pro-contact" paedophiles who believe adults should be allowed intimate relationships with kids.

Reflecting on his life as a paedophile, Mr Gibson said: ""The biggest factor for me has been low self-esteem.

"If people knew I was a paedophile they wouldn't like me.

"But overall my life has gone fairly well.

"Even though I have come out to a lot of people, they are all very supportive.

"I feel very comfortable.

"I am responsible for my actions."

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