Many years ago while travelling, I met a doctor from Canada. One day he saw me take some painkillers. We got talking about my chronic pain and he asked what seemed the obvious question from his years of practice: “Why didn’t they just give you cannabis for the pain?”. I explained that in New Zealand cannabis was illegal. “I don’t mean from a dealer, get a prescription from a doctor”. I said no, that in New Zealand cannabis was illegal. Stunned, he said something I will never forget.

"What sort of backwater country do you come from?"

My condition is unlikely to be fatal. But it does and will hurt for the rest of my life. I’ve done every test, asked and answered every question, tried every remedy whether supported by science or not. Fact is, I will be in pain most days I live. It's no one's fault, just bad luck. I can accept that.

My pain is managed with opioids. Self administered where they can be and by doctors when stronger doses are required. They are very good in specific and acute instances of pain. But my pain is sustained. Constant. When I do get brief spells when I can stop taking them, I get violent withdrawal symptoms: Headaches, nausea, muscle pain, anxiety, fever, hallucinations and that’s just when I stop taking them. If that sounds like I’m an addict, it's because I am. Granted a functional addict, as my doctors remind me I have to take my pills, because constant pain is no way to live. But neither is being constantly high.

If it were the only option I could accept that. But it isn’t. And that makes me angry.

People in pain don’t turn to cannabis because it's fun. They do it because it can make the pain liveable while allowing a lifestyle. Look at any person who is dying and in incredible pain who makes the choice to break the law and take cannabis, are they doing it for the thrill? No. They do it so they can claim back some sense of themselves before they die.

Yet in the eye of the law these people are criminals. Cancer sufferers who want to spend their last days with a small shred of peace, free of pain and with their mind intact are told no. Many everyday Kiwis are criminals because they dared to suggest that agony vs morphine up to the eyeballs, was not a choice at all.

I’ve been forced to be a junkie for 11 years. I’ve already had too many dreams taken from me, lying in bed choosing between pain or drugs. But those dying now and chronic pain sufferers to come deserve better than a political game. This isn’t a moral issue, or even a political one. This is people’s lives. And people deserve better.

source: data archive