I have many fears in my life, including having kids, going to jail, and talking to people about their lives (Oh, your deck costs how much to build, please go on, Kyle). But, the biggest fear I have is losing control of my bowels in public. If you do something like that in grade school, it sticks with you for your whole life. This guy that I went to high school with is now a successful doctor and philanthropist, but when he is brought up by anyone from my school, all you hear is, “Didn’t he sh*t his pants when he had to a run a mile? Ha, what a pansy.” Speaking of doodoo, Dazed and Confused star Jason London got a break. Via TMZ:

Jason London can now say he was never convicted of crapping in a police car … even though he pled guilty … TMZ has learned. Jason had pled guilty to disorderly conduct — for sharting in a squad car after getting popped for a drunken bar fight in Scottsdale, AZ.