Great sex is a cornerstone of many healthy romantic relationships. And as we all know, men love a tight vagina. So why not give your man the little death he deserves with a tighter cooch than he ever dreamed possible? We’re here for you, girl! Here are four fail-proof exercises that’ll make your vagina so tight it becomes a lil’ dick guillotine!

Kegel Exercises

Kegel exercises are “clutch and release” workouts that serve women of all ages in strengthening their sex muscles and shaping them into razor-sharp edges ready to cut off a man’s head. To do a Kegel exercise, sit cross-legged on the floor and squeeze your pelvic, vaginal, and anal muscles as hard as you can while repeating the mantra, “Off with his head.” This helps your pelvic floor become so strong and taut that you’ll be able to cut through his dick faster than he can say, ‘Au revoir!’

Squats

Not only are squats great for giving you the perfect ass, they can also transform your vajayjay into an efficient medieval slicing device! Spread your legs hip-distance apart and sit back like you’re about to sit on a gallows’ stool and wait for your criminally hot lover to arrive for his sentencing. Do 3 sets of 15 squats to have him shivering in anticipation of the tantalizing beheading to come!

Glute Bridges

Lay down with your feet touching the floor and your knees up and parted a hips’ length apart. Raise your hips off the floor, squeezing your glutes until you form a bridge with your shoulders and a cold unforgiving steel blade between your thighs. Your man will appreciate you giving that dick the tender loving chop it deserves. Vive la France, and vive la vagine!

Medicine Ball Sit-Ups

This advanced option for vaginal tightening will transform your puss from a dull guillotine paper trimmer into France’s infamous National Razor. While holding a medicine ball, slowly sit up, tense your abdominal muscles and drop back down. If you feel your pelvic floor sharply thudding into the bottom of your vagina with an air of finality, you’re doing it right. Trust us, seeing his dismembered one-eyed monster blinking a couple of times from the floor is an orgasmic experience he will never want to forget!

Regularly practice any and all of these effective exercises to make your vagina as deathly as the blade that killed 40,000 French people in the 18th century. Soon, you’ll have him begging for mercy as your vaguillotine sends his lucky member to dong heaven! Byeeeeee!