“Are you married?” This is one question that always gets me searching for an answer. As a woman in late 20’s, this evokes strange responses bordering on the offensive like ‘what has that got to do with you?,’ to a sheepish ‘I am unmarried,’ or to plain lies, ‘I am engaged and will marry soon.’ But while my answers, and so those of the millions of women like me would be somewhat like these above mentioned ones, the response of the interrogator generally remains a proverbial ‘oh! I think you must consider getting married’ with a little pity for a perfect finish!

There are other responses too, like ‘are you a man-hater or a die-hard feminist (yes! I heard that from a very close pal),’ to being ‘too cold,’ or being ‘too materialistic.’ And all these tags, all these advises or all these ‘words of wisdom’ are for our/my own good hence, we/I must be thankful for them, whether we/I need them or not. Not just that, we also are ‘bound to’ feel glad that someone tried to give us a helping hand to draw us out of the hell hole we will all be in, if we continue to be ‘obstinate.’ The question is why is the late marriage of a girl such a big issue? Is it because wisdom givers believe that since the biological clock of a woman is ticking hence, she may run out of the time needed to find herself a good mate? Or maybe because the beauty that could get her a partner is withering with each passing day and so are her chances of getting the guy of her dreams?

The answer is yes, this is always on the minds of our friends, well-wishers, not-so-well-wishers and also of the perverts who lurk around just to get female attention and are the happiest lot when they learn that the girl is still ‘out there’ for them. Somewhere I feel that men think that a woman is helpless and hence, needs them at several stages of her life. Well, this could be partly true; we all have several men as companions at different intervals and I have yet to see a woman who ardently hates men for being, well, men! Anyways, what does a girl get from an early marriage that I and girls like me are missing out on and what is it, if there is anything like it?

To arrive at a conclusion I spoke to some married and unmarried women with and without careers (some were proud homemakers in this bunch). While most expressed happiness at marrying early, yet, at close pondering they expressed unhappiness in some ways or the other. Besides normal complaints like my husband still throws wet towel on the bed, baby howling at night and in-laws issues, they were also of the opinion, that post marriage they have lost a considerable time that could have been utilized to enhance careers and nurture an identity for themselves. One female journalist said, that post her marriage her confidence started waning as she was multi-tasking all the time, and as a result she was unable to give her best at work and was therefore moved from reporting to a desk job. She got married at 24, and unlike her husband who is a rising star and is also pursuing an executive MBA from a top-notch college that will put his career on an accelerator, she had to drop out and leave her Masters in Mass Communication in between. And now, as she said, she feels scared that she would get sacked any time. After she spoke up, other career women narrated similar woes. Even a homemaker, who married early and never had a career, was not exactly happy with her way of life. It only confirmed what I had been thinking all along that marrying early does not guarantee happiness, but then marrying late is not exactly a passport to a blissful married life either. So is there any age that can ensure happiness that the enquirers who ask about my (and many other women like me ) marriage can agree upon? While marrying earlier does not even remotely enhance my chances of a happy married life, then why is marrying late creates such a brouhaha? May be it is not the biological tick-tock, maybe it is not the partner but inner happiness that could lead us to a content married life. And may be some can find that ‘Happiness’ only when they have made a name for themselves with the sweat of their brow, but then, is anyone listening?

P.S.: My last two female seniors were content with their careers and while one married late, the other one chose to remain unmarried. It just so happened that I came to know that the married-one is heading for a messy divorce while the other regrets that she should have married when she was younger as she feels she need a partner. No easy answers!