Girls can be mean to other girls, but it is adult women who vie to destroy each other, according to a new book hitting the headlines in America.

Kelly Valen's The Twisted Sisterhood, soon to be published in the UK, reveals that almost 90% of the 3,000-plus women who took part in her survey frequently felt "currents of meanness and negativity emanating from other females".

Almost 85% of those who took part in the 50-question survey admitted having suffered serious, life-altering knocks at the hands of other women.

They reported that many of their female friendships had an "intense, sinister underbelly", characterised by "intrafemale incivility" and insidious, "gratuitous negativity". More than 75% had been hurt by the jealousy and competition of a friend.

Valen said there was "a distinct undercurrent of meanness and negativity plaguing our gender".

"These secret, social battles are waged, in many cases, by the very same women singing the praises of girl power, feminism, and female friendship in their lives."

Valen said she was shocked by the number of women who told her that they endured their female friendships behind "frozen smiles and a facade of intimacy". The battles waged beneath the surface were so merciless, she was told, that women felt unsafe with each other.

"They have correctly identified that the primary threat to [their] emotional security radiates ... from fellow females," Valen said.

Cultural icons, from Oprah Winfrey to Arianna Huffington of the Huffington Post, have praised Valen's "bravery" in speaking out. Citing the book as an important wake-up call, they called on all women to read The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships.

The prestigious New York Times Book Review had added its voice to the chorus, praising Valen for challenging the last female taboo: the adult sisterhood.

But Valen said that despite the praise, she had "donned a suit of armour" and was steeling herself for a furious backlash. Her fears are based on the savage reaction to an article she wrote for the New York Times three years ago, in which she admitted opting out of the "so-called sisterhood". In the highly personal article, she first broached the idea that "our greater society of women is idling in an unhealthy, disconnected, and discombobulated state".

"The reaction to my 2007 article was devastating to me personally," she said. Valen was accused of being heretical and disloyal to the gender. She was lambasted on forums such as the website Jezebel, the blog Feministe and the Washington Post. Female academics, book clubs and the greater blogosphere reacted with fury. "Some dealt vicious blows," said Valen. "How dare I air the ladies' dirty laundry! I was anti-woman, a 'femalesogynist' and an obviously bad mother."

"Any suggestion that women are co-architects of their unhappiness for failure to prosper [was considered to be] tantamount to misogyny, horizonal hostility and internal sexism," she added.

Supporters, however, pointed out that the savagery of the attacks reinforced Valen's argument.

The attacks became so personal that Valen was hesistant to develop her thesis in Twisted Sisterhood. "My skin isn't all that thick. I wanted nothing but to crawl back to my cave and forget the whole thing.

"But intentionally or not, I'd found myself scratching the surface of something significant: Hadn't the very concept of sisterhood become downright twisted?"

Valen's question has been welcomed by some important voices. Psychotherapists – and best friends – Luise Eichenbaum and Susie Orbach have noted that: "Behind the curtain of sisterhood lies a myriad of emotional tangles that can wreak havoc on the overall health and quality of our lives".

Even celebrities have begun questioning how adult women interact. Gwyneth Paltrow posted anguished messages on her website about schadenfreude and frenemies. Sienna Miller recently told InStyle magazine that, "I've been at war, without a doubt. I have really experienced the judgment of women. There's no sisterhood."