Today, Virginia Republican legislator Dave Albo took to the floor of the Virginia Assembly to take way too long to tell a gross story about how the state's recent abortion debate resulted in his wife not letting him do it with her. It's like watching your middle school Vice Principal deliver the worst wedding toast of all time.


In an outstanding example of how TMI culture has pervaded the annals of mid-level power, Albo regales his colleagues with a cigar-worthy tale of how after debating a bill that would have required doctors to stick things in ladies' vaginas, his wife was immune to his seduction techniques. He did everything right, you guys! He gave her red wine, for that nice sexy purple teeth look. He started playing music that I think I heard playing in the background of a porn that involved too many mustaches. He sat next to her on the couch and put his arm around her in an awkward manner. All the things that made Dave Albo a pussy magnet in high school!

But when a local news segment about the amendment to the abortion bill her husband authored interrupted his attempted seduction, the magic was gone for Mrs. Dave Albo. It was all those mentions of the v-word — you know, vagina — that put Albo's wife off a good sex session. But maybe it wasn't the fact that people were saying "vagina" on the news. Maybe Dave Albo's wife was turned off because her husband was attempting to impose legal restriction on a body part with which he's so uncomfortable that he can't even bring himself to say it aloud.