Source: Caroline Beaton

For more than half a century, younger generations have been labeled narcissists. Of late, these claims carry more weight: we have data to declare that Generation Y really is self-obsessed to pathological proportions.

While only six percent of the U.S. population has ever been diagnosed with , Millennials exhibit more traits associated with narcissism—such as high expectations, grandiosity, positive self-image and lack of —than other generations. Gen Y-ers score 30 percent higher on the Inventory, the standard empirical measure for narcissistic traits in the general population, than the same age group did three decades ago. With this data, some psychologists argue that Millennials ubiquitously display narcissism on a non-clinical but still harmful scale.

But by conflating behaviors linked to healthy with narcissism, research psychologists convolute the boundaries between malignant self-obsession and normal, realistic self-value—so that it becomes hard for anyone to tell the difference.

The Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), for instance, aims to calculate negative traits associated with narcissism: self-absorption, , arrogance and entitlement, among others. Instead, it contains “a confusing mix of adaptive and maladaptive content” (Cain). Critics argue that, in addition to potentially unhealthy characteristics, the NPI may also capture the positive traits of , and high self-esteem (Ackerman, Lunbeck, Trzesniewski).

NPI respondents must choose one statement from a pair that best represents their view. Questions include, “It makes little difference to me whether I am a leader or not” or “I would prefer to be a leader” and “I wish I were more assertive” or “I am assertive”. The second of each of these responses increases subjects’ scores, and the aggregate of all 40 equally weighted questions provides “evidence” for their narcissism.

The problem with these assessments? The narcissism they measure is “riven through with paradoxes,” says Elizabeth Lunbeck, Harvard History of Science Professor and author of The Americanization of Narcissism. For example, I can be assertive, a leader and humble. In fact, qualities such as , and confidence are often considered traits of healthy self-esteem; these tests use them as indicators of narcissism.

Because such evaluations fail to differentiate narcissistic traits from healthy self-esteem, we’re left to our own devices to figure out which we have. But, confusingly, we likely exhibit traits linked to both. One can display self-centered behaviors as well as stable, authentic self-esteem.

Fortunately, there are two fundamental distinctions that can help us determine whether one’s personality is characterized more by normal self-esteem or by narcissism.

1. Narcissism is fabricated; self-esteem is earned.

Self-esteem psychologist Richard Bednar and others define self-esteem as enduring personal value based on accurate self-perceptions. According to clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, self-esteem “represents an attitude built on accomplishments we've mastered, values we've adhered to, and care we've shown toward others.” If we do good, we feel good about ourselves. Clinical psychologist Joseph Burgo writes that true grows out of “behaving in ways that you respect by meeting your own standards.”

Narcissists, by contrast, have exaggerated or even perceptions of themselves. Their actions belie their inflated . University of New Hampshire Professor of Psychology Paul Harvey notes that narcissists think they’re special and faultless but “often lack any real justification for this belief.”

2. Narcissism hides vulnerability; self-esteem embraces it.

Those with high self-esteem know and concede that, even if they do good, they’re not infallible. Brene Brown, best-selling author and Professor of Social Work at The University of Houston, spent her youth “trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad.” But these world views were, she later realized, “armor” preventing healthy vulnerability—and ultimately self-acceptance.

Research suggests that narcissists use grandiosity to mask implicit vulnerability. Thus the mark of one occupied more by narcissism than by genuine self-esteem is an inability to see or refusal to admit her kryptonite. Instead, she uses characteristics such as arrogance, entitlement and lack of empathy to avoid her perceived weakness.

Vulnerability and realistic self-perception are two key ways those with healthy self-esteem differ from those with narcissism. But, in reality, only we know. Self-awareness, not statistics, will reveal our true condition. Marianne Williamson said, “Self-awareness is not self centeredness… 'Know thyself' is not a narcissistic pursuit.” By self-reflecting, we can better see the truth behind our behavior and how it affects others.

Millennials may be more susceptible to narcissism than generations past. But I prefer to believe that our traits associated with narcissism—our , trustfulness, self-sufficiency and can-do mentality—will “save us all”. By evaluating ourselves with our minds, not falsely polarizing quizzes, we can face the modern world with both humility and satisfaction.