Opinion I was the police officer who proposed at Pride – the hatred floored me Phil Adlem To millions, I’m the policeman who popped the question at last year’s parade in London. But to many more I’m an abomination – and that’s why Pride is still vital Phil Adlem is a volunteer speaker for an LGBT charity, former frontline worker with homeless youth and police officer in the Metropolitan police Fri 30 Jun 2017 08.46 EDT Share on Facebook

Share on Twitter

Share via Email 3 years old

The nature of social media means that everything these days is constantly up for scrutiny and criticism from anyone. Almost everything receives this treatment, and Pride is no exception. Aside from homophobic rants, one opinion that I have noticed gain some popularity is that Pride and LGBT groups are not only unnecessary, but serve to further divide the gay community from everyone else. This is usually coupled with an opinion along the lines of “No one cares if you’re gay, it’s not a big deal any more”. Some have taken it a step further and called for a separate “Straight Pride” in the name of total equality.

The assumption that all is well for the gay community was seemingly supported by a video of me proposing to my partner during London Pride last year. All the media giants in the UK presented this video online as a positive story regardless of their political leaning. A clear sign of the changed times.

I have always had little to no interest in social media. I don’t really understand the appeal of repeatedly flinging opinions into cyberspace for people you haven’t met to approve or argue with you. I certainly didn’t upload anything to do with the proposal myself. So to suddenly be the focus of an international viral video was unexpected and surreal to say the least. I had believed that it would stay within the Pride “bubble”, like similar things do every year. Nevertheless, I was on an emotional high in the immediate aftermath: I had a wonderful fiance and I was getting amazing messages of support from friends and colleagues.

Pride is an invaluable source of positivity and strength for anyone who has experienced abuse or bullying

I looked through the online comments from the British public. Most were fantastic. Some made me laugh for the wrong reasons. One person said, in all seriousness, “another gay trying to get famous like their hero BRUCE JENNER”. I had to ask my fiance who Bruce Jenner was after reading that he was my hero. But my smile did not last long as I continued reading. “Both should be hanged till death”, “Absolutely disgusting” and “Don’t blame Isis if they strike them!”. There were countless more, some with threats. A further hostile reaction at work from one of my colleagues and another from an old college friend was enough for me to wish I had never done it. I had requests for interviews but I rejected all of them. In hindsight, I was letting other people’s opinions dictate my actions.

This was by no means my first experience of homophobia. I was raised in a household which was staunchly anti-gay. On my 18th birthday, I went out with my “secret boyfriend” and was the victim of a brutal homophobic attack in which I was dragged down a narrow alleyway by three men and severely beaten without a chance of defending myself. They did not stop until they were forced to by the police who arrived at the scene.

Pride is an invaluable source of positivity and strength for anyone who has experienced abuse or bullying. It has evolved far from its roots as a militant protest, and with the support of the media and corporate heavyweights, it is incredibly difficult to ignore. This is an unwelcome shift for people who do not tolerate the gay community. It can also create complacency among LGBT supporters while simultaneously galvanising those who would want to do gay people harm, making our progress fragile.