GERMANTOWN HILLS — In the wake of a middle school controversy that roiled Germantown Hills regarding discussion of sexual identity, school officials hope to guide discussions between students to be more civil and respectful.

For more than 90 minutes, parents and faculty met behind closed doors to discuss steps the district would take in the wake of a letter that outlined an ongoing disruption regarding some students discussing gender and sexual identity issues. The letter prompted condemnation from area LGBTQ groups and from the American Civil Liberties Union who feared the district was trying to clamp down on discussions of sexual identity.

A dozen or so parents declined to comment after the meeting. Superintendent Dan Mair said he felt the meeting went well and that parents were on board with the district's plan to try to foster more civil discourse.

"As I was anticipating, once our parents were able to hear what the intent of the letter was being sent home and our plans moving forward, that there would be a clear understanding where we were at and what we are doing," he said. "We had almost an hour and a half of civil discourse. It's a sensitive topic, but I couldn't be prouder of our parents."

Among the goals for the coming weeks:

• Begin a program of positive reinforcement to recognize students that adhere to the ideas set forth in the district's "Code of Conduct."

• Promote construction on how to respectfully disagree with others. This will include instruction on how to engage in respectful discussions and how to be empathetic to others.

• Work with the Illinois Safe Schools Alliance to provide professional development for staff and others in the areas of "creating affirmative environments for all students and support in the understanding of best practices for serving LGBTQ adolescents."

Mair said the school would not restrict discussions among students during unstructured time as long as the discussions remained civil and the rights of others were not infringed.

But a former student, Nathaniel, 17, who now goes to an Interlochen Center for the Arts in Interlochen, Mich., says he was harassed while at a student at Germantown Hills for his status as a LGBTQ student.

"A lot of parents talked about how it's not the school's place to talk about sexuality or anything. I feel like that was discussed a lot. And the school is not doing anything about it. it's just hard because I have been a victim of this," said Nathaniel, who asked that his last name not be used.

The matter came to light when middle school principal Kate Williams sent a letter home explaining the situation that occurred last week that detailed an incident where a student distributed rainbow heart stickers to other students. The matter became disruptive, Williams said in her letter, and as such, the students were told not to distribute the hearts.

The letter led the ACLU to intervene with its own letter, saying discussions of sexual orientation and gender identity are appropriate topics for middle school students, adding the school should not limit discussion on these topics.

"We commend your commitment to every student’s right to obtain an education without having to endure bullying or harassment. Unfortunately, the approach reflected in your letter undermines that goal. The letter suggests that sexual orientation or gender identity are not suitable topics to discuss publicly with one’s friends and peers, that it is inappropriate to express pride in one’s identity using symbols like rainbow heart stickers, and that students who wish to talk about such matters should do so in private, with a trusted adult. Even if not intended, the message to LGBTQ students is that they should be ashamed of and keep secret their identity. Their peers receive the same message," the group said in an emailed statement.

But Mair said the intent was never to limit discussion. Rather, he said, it was to allow the parties, who had been engaging in a back and forth verbal tussle for weeks that would wax and wane, to take a break while the district decided its next step.

"My goal tonight is to clarify the intent of the letter from Dec. 12, which was essentially where we experienced a level of disruption within our school environment," he said before the meeting. "Primarily, we have a small group of students from both sides of the issue that essentially, because of a lack of maturity, age and skill set, can't engage in a discourse that is appropriate for school.

"We felt that we needed a time out so that our administrators and our guidance counselors could address this lack of skills and maturity," he said.

An area advocacy group for LGBTQ people, Peoria Proud, had slammed the district's move and had several members outside of the meeting, holding signs.

"We are here supporting the youth and the families. We want this to be a safe place for all people and all families," said Nicole Livsey, the president of Peoria Proud. "This is a critical time for youth. Middle school is just a tough time in general. this is time when you are figuring out yourself. Your health, your body is changing. it's critical for children and it's tough for parents, too They are also trying to figure their children out."

Andy Kravetz can be reached at 686-3283 or akravetz@pjstar.com. Follow him on Twitter @andykravetz.