BDB: #floridaman is back! Naked man says he pooped his pants and 2 robbers blow their loot on dumb stuff

Home sweet home!

Well, nothing says home like the words "naked man" in a headline, am I right?

Ahhh yes, home sweet home. Here I was thinking the Space Coast was on its best behavior last week when all the tourists were in town to visit for the Falcon Heavy launch! It was like we quick cleaned up the house before the in-laws came in from out of town.

But the crowds have trickled away and alas, Brevard County is back to normal, baby. We've let down our hair, put back on our Tweety bird Walmart pajama pants and let all the naked people roam around town again. Oh, but it's true...

Let's review:

The naked Melbourne man

We didn't even make it through the weekend before police found a 31-year-old dude running around the parking lot of a plumbing business (interesting choice) without any clothes on.

Sure, one might allege that the man was streaking, that he was dared to do something silly. Maybe he was drunk? Maybe he was nuts?

NOPE. Not the case.

In fact, police (after briefly having to chase the guy down) said he was completely lucid, and didn't really have a solid story as to why he was naked.

The best explanation, or rather the most logical one of many, was that someone had approached him, he thought he was being robbed and, um, soiled his pants.

Anyone else find the word "soiled" to sound far more disgusting than just saying "pooped?"

So the guy was naked running around the parking lot in an industrial area of Melbourne because he shat his pantalones, IF that is indeed what happened. Police said the guy had many stories, none of which completely added up.

The man, who remains unidentified, was taken into custody and charged with exposure of sexual organs.

You'll recall that this is the third incident in Brevard County since December that has involved a person lacking appropriate clothing. Lest we forget the half-naked man with a knife searching for "Seth" at a Melbourne Circle K and the near-naked man riding on the hood of a Jeep (whilst screaming) in Titusville. I'm sensing a trend here...

More: Nude man's story fails to add up, Melbourne police say

Then there are these two financial planners...

As if robbing a Krystal wasn't dumb enough, you won't believe what two Titusville thieves did with the $8,396 they made off with from the fast-food restaurant.

That's an impressive amount of money for a restaurant that sells a dozen burgers for less than $15. Oh right, that's because it was an inside job. One of the guys worked at Krystal and the other pretended to rob the place while the worker handed over the money. That's good planning considering the amount of idiocy that ensued once they got the cash.

Can anyone guess where these two dingbats spent their money? GUESS. JUST GUESS.

Hint: It wasn't their 401Ks!

If you guessed the local strip club you are correct!

Actual footage from the strip club:

Oh, but there's more! They equally split up the money and each decided to blow the money on different stupid things.

One of the men, 25-year-old Gary Zaffery (the guy who actually worked at Krystal) spent his share on drugs, groceries, new tires for his vehicle and an M4 assault rifle that was sold to him privately. The rest was in a Crown Royal bag at his home.

I always knew those Crown Royal bags could come in handy.

The other guy (the actor who played the role of "robber"), 24-year-old Quaeri Nevels, spent his money not only at the strip club, but also on alcohol, drugs and pre-paid charge cards

Police arrested the duo after they realized Zaffrey's story didn't line up with the video surveillance of the crime. He ended up confessing to police and arrests were made. The two were charged with grand theft, organized fraud and filing a false police report. Both are still awaiting trial.

More: Police: Titusville Krystal robbery was an inside job

About BDB:

Boiled Down Brevard is an irreverent daily column that puts a quirky spin on today's news. We "boil" it all down. To get BDB daily, download the Florida Today app and allow notifications. We'll send you an alert every evening.

Follow Jessica on Twitter at @JessicaJSaggio.

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