This week, our VP Student Life Mariko opened up about her experiences with bipolar disorder. Diagnosed during her second year, Mariko shares her mental health journey with us, providing a valuable perspective on mental health and counselling resources.

My name is Mariko, and I’m a 2020 Mech. You may know me as the EngSoc VP Student Life. But what you probably don’t know about me is that I have bipolar disorder.

Being bipolar means I have episodes of mania. When I’m manic, I feel on top of the world. I feel like everything is accomplishable, like I’m invincible. I get grand ideas about myself and my abilities and start signing up for as many volunteer positions as I can. I tried to sign up for an additional course, applied to volunteer with the UN, and almost bought 20 cardboard cutouts of myself. I start speaking really quickly and passionately and I feel like I have so much energy radiating out of me. It sounds great, right? Unfortunately, I also get super irritable. I start arguments with my boyfriend and friends, and am yelling before I know it. I have a hard time listening to anyone else and what they might be saying to me. I’m beyond arrogant. And when it gets really bad I get so excited that I start to hear voices calling my name that aren’t really there.

I also have episodes of depression. I’m sure you’re familiar with the symptoms of depression. I get extremely sad and hopeless, I lose a lot of motivation, and my energy levels go down a lot. I spend hours in bed just staring at the wall. I have regular thoughts of suicide, and research all the different ways I could die. At my worst I was wandering University Ave looking for a roof to jump off of. My boyfriend called the cops and I ended up spending the night at the hospital.

After going through my experiences with my own mental health, I’ve learned a lot about mental health issues and how the university handles them. I think my biggest frustration with mental health issues is that hardly anyone treats them like physical issues, even though they say they might.

I was diagnosed with bipolar in my 2B term. Counsellors and therapists can’t diagnose you with a mental illness and while you can suspect, you really can’t diagnose yourself either. And that makes sense. No one would say they have cancer, or multiple sclerosis, or a torn ACL before they were checked out by a medical professional. So why should mental health be any different? If you really think something is wrong and it is severely impacting your life, talk to a counsellor or a doctor about being assessed and they’ll refer you to someone who can help. Psychiatrists and psychologists can diagnose you; the university has a few psychiatrists at Health Services. I had to wait over a month to see one, but it was worth the wait. They were very thorough, and my diagnosis helped me understand the problem and the treatment I needed to get better.

Meds can be helpful. I’m currently on medication and it helps me stay stable so I can focus on school and my life. Whether meds are helpful or not really depends on the condition and the cause of your symptoms. For bipolar, they’re usually essential in the treatment since you’re treating a chemical imbalance. It’s like trying to treat diabetes without insulin. But in some cases it could be like using a sledgehammer to kill a fly. The same way it’s generally not recommended now to treat the common cold with antibiotics. Counselling is a good first step, and can be very, very effective and helpful.

I’ve seen three different counsellors at Counselling Services, and two in private practice. I’ve found that counsellors at the school are best for one-off appointments and emergencies. There have been a few times I have seen a counsellor the same day I came in when I was feeling very suicidal. However due to their busy schedules, after the first few appointments my counsellor could only see me once every two weeks. And I know I’ve had shorter wait times than most; I’ve heard of people having to wait up to a month for a counselling appointment and that is ridiculous. If you’re looking for more regular support and you have the insurance or means to cover it, I’d recommend looking into a private counsellor.

I went to Vancouver for my last co-op and it was really cool to see what British Columbia was doing for mental health and addictions. The private counsellor I saw had an online booking tool that made booking appointments a lot more doable for me. In addition to crisis lines, they also had crisis chat sites. Phone calls make me, and a lot of other people, super anxious, so this made me feel a lot more comfortable.

The culture in BC was also really different than Waterloo and Toronto. The vibe was so much more laidback, and everyone seemed to have more hobbies and spend more time outdoors. It made me a little sad about the workaholic, competitive culture that Waterloo has sometimes. I think so many people could take more time for themselves without their grades or work quality suffering that much. I think we need to see each other as individuals who are all doing our best, and help pick each other up when one of us falls.

Everyone faces different mental health challenges. Everyone has mental health, the same way everyone has physical health. Everyone will go through periods of stress in their life, the same way everyone will get the flu at some point. Some people will develop a chronic mental illnesses, the same way some people get chronic physical illnesses. Some people need more support than others, and some people have a harder time than others. But we all deserve the help we need.

There is still a stigma around mental illness, and definitely a lot of ignorance. I’ve heard people say that people with bipolar have multiple personalities, or that they’re just straight up crazy. The stigma around depression and anxiety is definitely lessening, but a lot of people don’t realize there are a lot of other mental illnesses that exist, and that the people that live with them aren’t “crazy”. When I got taken to the hospital by the police, I was handcuffed in the back of their car. I understand it’s policy, but I really felt like a criminal and not someone who was sick.

Once I started seeing my mental illness as no different than a physical illness, it made it a lot easier to talk about. It wasn’t something inherently wrong with me, or a weakness in my character, it is a real disease that I have. Even if it’s not a chronic illness, it’s so important to remember that it is not your fault and that you need to treat it. If you’re feeling like your mood and motivation is dropping, book a counselling session, or take some time to self care. It’s no different than taking DayQuil for a cold and taking the day off to rest. Mental health is health, and your health should come before anything else. I think we would all be much happier if we realized that.