You may have already noticed that Men’s Rights are under attack. Under the guise of “suffrage,” feminists have already eliminated the Male Right to exclusive selection of statesmen without the corruption of female supremacy. They have also worked with defunct scientists from fascist countries to develop a biological weapon that annihilates spermicidal access to the female seed; they have tried to hide this plot behind the dubious term “birth control.” Now, all over the world, they are building hideaway bunkers meant to house deviants who refuse to obey their husbands, and they cover up this scheme with the fancy phrase “women’s shelters.”

But we are not fooled.

We have noticed their invasion of our universities, corporations, and even governments. Lately, they are even attempting to take some of our money for their labor in what they call “fair pay,” but this hardly covers up the truth: they are just jealous that we have penises.

None of these developments even come close to the threat I am going to share with you today. We must mobilize. The feminists have secretly developed a subdivision of their order, and these women are trained to eliminate boners. Their agenda includes the total erasure of pornography and even prostitution. But we will not be stopped. I urge you to recall at this fateful time when you last had blue balls. Recall the pain of that flaccid near-death state. This is what they want us to endure forever, day in and day out: no boners.

The radical feminists must be stopped. Here is how you can join the movement to protect boners:

Know thine enemy In order to defeat them, we must know them well. We must understand feminism. Starting today, look at a photo of a woman for 15-minutes, 3 times a day. When you feel ready, you can increase this to 20 minutes, 4 times a day. By the end of the third week, you will have the knowledge and background needed to combat feminism. Do not attack their arguments Many MRAs have made the mistake of attacking feminist arguments. Don’t do this. We need to save boners, and attacking radical feminist arguments will not get us there. We must first destroy the women making the arguments, and then we can reinstate morality and integrity. Only once boners are safe can we build a just society. Recruit others It is unknown how many of these agents there are. Estimates are in the hundreds of thousands, but there could be even more. This means we will need to amass a large counter-feminism unit. Please inform every man, woman, and child you know about the plot to destroy boners. If you must, share with them the insights you learned about feminism in Step 1 of this tutorial. Be assertive These women do not listen, especially to men, and they need to be told. Never have I witnessed a species of woman so resistant to male speaking. No known methods as of yet have been discovered that will ensure they listen to you. This is why we recommend threatening them with violence, and we must be committed to following through if we want to be taken seriously. Remember, sometimes interrogation must be severe if we are to protect the greater good, and in this case, billions of men’s boners are at stake. I can think of no greater threat to this planet. The horror. You win Finally they give up. They always do. You know you have won when they separate themselves into female-only communes and don’t interact with males anymore. This is because they know they cannot defeat us or our boners. If the radical feminist you are arguing with leaves mixed space and surrounds herself only with other women, they, my friend, you’ve conquered her. Our next initiate should be to speed along this process by developing some sort of designated area out in the forest that they all should live at, and try to get all women to go there. If we make it look welcoming enough, we might actually be able to trick them into leaving society and living alone with each other in some sorta separate world we create. Just make it eco-friendly and all that crap and they’ll flock there like flies on shit.

Men, it’s up you now. We have to save this world from the radical feminist attack on boners. Our Right’s Will Not Be Destroyed. WE have rights too. WE are humans too. WE are half of this planet. WE have protected you from Wooly Mammoths and hunted dinosaurs for you. WE protected you with our own lives when Godzilla took over New York City. WE invented the nuclear bomb so other men could not explode you.

Get to work men. WE have saving to do.