Game Week: UCLA 2013

I have a theory that if you’re a BCS team and you wanna get better, schedule Nebraska. We played USC for 2 years in their Pete Carroll Can Do No Wrong Era instead of the Lane Kiffin Dry Humping a Dumpster Fire While on Bath Salts Era. Then we got Virginia Tech for the two years they weren’t woefully inconsistent. Then we schedule UCLA - who had been USC’s bottom bitch for 20 years - just in time for them to not suck (more about that in today’s comic). Guess who we play starting next year: Miami! No, not the impossibly under-achieving Miami of the last 10 years. But New Miami. The one that just beat Florida.

Why can’t we play Suddenly Terrible Texas now? I’m sure by the time we play Troy (that’s the name of a college!) in 2018, they’ll have joined the SEC and be competing for national titles. TROY IN ‘18.

But this week it’s UCLA’s turn to frustrate us. That said, I was pretty encouraged by last week’s performance. Do you remember the first couple games of Lavonte David, where you could tell he was amazing but needed a little time to get adjusted? Randy Gregory looks like he’s in exactly that mode. God, what a terrifying human. Because of that - and my undying optimism - I think we beat UCLA this weekend, 45-37.

This week in the tunnel, the Martinez brothers have a song in their heart, a special guest lights a fire under everyone’s asses and Bo and Coach Papuchis discuss redecorating the weight room. Follow TWOS on Twitter for daily updates, and enjoy the game tomorrow.

Guys, it’s time for Mornin’ Drinkin’.