A well meaning but misguided Nebraska father, George Norton, has hospitalised and almost killed his teenaged son, Harry, after attempting to teach the ecstasy taking boy a lesson by making him “take every last one” of the ecstasy tablets in the boy’s possession because “that’ll learn [him].”

George stands by his decision to traumatise and almost kill his own son dead. “My own father caught me smoking when I was a young kid and that’s how he dealt with it, he made me smoke a whole pack until I was sick…I never smoked again,” explained George.

“Well, I smoked again but not that same day, it was the next day. But still, those few hours feeling slightly nauseous really curbed my appetite for smoking cigarettes for a good six, maybe even, seven hours.”

Mr. Norton says that he noticed his son had been acting strangely over the last few months and began to suspect that it may be illicit drugs. “When you’re a father you notice these changes pretty quickly, sometimes as fast as a few months after they start to happen,” George explained.

“Harry was starting to go out more socialising with friends. I also started to notice that he was developing a healthy passion for music and art, which obviously indicated to me that something was very, very wrong,” he added.

After noticing his son’s burgeoning confidence and exploratory nature, George began spying on Harry in a bid to catch him in the act of suspected drug taking. “So I started hiding under his bed at night,” explained George. “If you, as an American, care about your kid’s health then you’ve got to be willing to invade that kid’s privacy.”

“The love of a parent must be strong enough to break all other bonds of propriety,” he intoned. “Which means that sometimes you need to be willing to hide under your kid’s bed to see what they get up to.”

“If that means listening to them masturbating every night then that’s what you’ve got to do to prove that you love them.”

“Normally I’d stop the masturbating once and for all by making him masturbate non-stop in front of me until he was sick. But I needed to prioritise with the drug taking,” explained Mr. Norton. “But maybe I will do just that when he gets out of hospital, if the part of his brain that controls sexual behaviour isn’t damaged. But hopefully it is.”

George explained that during one of his incursions into Harry’s room he found a baggie containing 15 ecstasy tablets and forced the teenager to eat all of them. “He seemed to enjoy it at first but after about 10 of them he was drooling from the mouth and shaking uncontrollably. It was at that point that I began to suspect that my plan had worked so I leaned over his unconscious body and said ‘Now, that’ll teach you not to do it again’ and phoned the ambulance.”

“If you don’t try to change your child’s nature early on,” warned George, “then there’s nothing to prevent them turning into someone you can’t control.”

“If any parent really loves their kid then it’s their duty to ward that child from the dangers of drug taking,” he continued. “And the best way to do that, of course, is to force that child to overdose and almost die on that drug.”

“Now, if and when my boy Harry recovers full brain function, any time he sees an ecstasy tablet he’ll be reminded that ecstasy almost killed him and he’ll be terrified to take it again,” explained George.

“Some people have suggested that something similar will happen anytime the boy sees me, but I’m hardly responsible for almost killing him, ecstasy is.”