Good news Vitamin D fans: according to meteorology gossip website, BBC Weather, Great Britain is about to snap up wantaway heavenly body The Sun. After putting his hat on and coming out to play, the cosmic front man will shine on Tuesday and Wednesday, putting everyone in a good mood (apart from people who complain that it's too hot). The bad news is that the transfer is only a loan deal and after a few days he'll return to Spain to be replaced by Britain stalwart Grey Cloud.

According to the Mail, another star about to make a return is Joe Cole. After his loan spell at Lille, Sam Allardyce will whisk him to Upton Park with the promise of unlimited croissants. Big Sam is also planning a move for Nigel Reo-Coker, Kieran Richardson, Victor Moses and, if Robert Green leaves, Manuel Almunia. Manuel Almunia?

Kevin Phillips has played for 98.378% of newly-promoted Premier League clubs, buzzing around a bit and scoring 12 goals – one of them a good volley. However, after mulling over a move for him, Reading have realised he's now 83 so will go for Blackpool's other Phillips, Matt. He'll cost £2.5m.

Spurs didn't have the best night's telly viewing on Saturday – The Voice results didn't go the way they would have liked – and are picking up the pieces this morning. Luka Modric is so outraged [looks up The Voice on Wikipedia] Aleks Josh was eliminated that the Mirror reckons he's off to Real Madrid or Manchester City. Oh, and he may not be pleased that Spurs aren't in the Champions League either.

Instead of griping about Chelsea's victory and missing out on the Champions League, Louis Saha took to Twitter to congratulate his London rivals. "Bravo Drogba. Bravo Chelsea. Bravo Champion League. Bravo Football. Just magic stuff. No CL for Tottenham but FairPlay to Chelsea. Great victory great final for them," he tweeted. Naturally, Spurs fans were blown away by his sportsmanship and flocked to applaud him. "You two don't belong at Spurs with your 'well done Chelsea' tweets. You're a disgrace to our club," tweeted one fan.

Ah well, let's all go back to hating each other, it's what humans do best anyway.

On a more chipper note for Spurs fans, Harry Redknapp has his eyes on Brazil and Internacional striker Leandro Damião. One Leandro Damião will cost you £15m on today's market.

After flicking through Moneyball for the 45,785th time, Fenway Sports Group have decided the next Liverpool manager will be Billy Beane, Jonah Hill or Ajax manager Frank de Boer. The Sun reckons Liverpool have been in contact with De Boer in the last 48 hours and he has "shot to the top of their wanted list".

And finally, according to the Mirror, Saudi Arabia's Al Nassr are after an "Asian" player and have settled on Tim Cahill, who just put the "Asian" into "Australasian"; Eden Hazard BLAH BLAH BLAH Chelsea BLAH BLAH BLAH £32m BLAH BLAH BLAH; and Sheffield Wednesday are going to take Ivan Klasnic out to dinner and ask him if he wants to move in with them.