

I’m writing this from an infuriating Park Slope coffee hole, and of course everyone here is some kind of art jerkoff.

I’m writing this from an infuriating Park Slope coffee hole, and of course everyone here is some kind of art jerkoff. So about five minutes ago, in some kind of squishy mating ritual, this one academic-type recognized another slightly more well-known counterpart and started shamelessly sucking the dude’s balls publicly and loudly:

HumbleDouche: So incredible to finally meet you! You know just the other day (I teach at Baruch) one of my students brought up your work in conversation- he said he wanted to finish all over your neck!

ProudDouche: Ah yes, Undergrads: So fecund; so unfocused.

It’s excruciating to watch, but kids, this is why you have to stay in school and get a job working for Philip Morris or something- otherwise you end up as a snivelling little cockrider, constantly hustling in coffee shops looking to praise unreadable squirts of literature just so that you might one day get a shot at having another living human read your own tripe.

This whole semenfest made me think of this recent “keynote” speech, in which researcher danah boyd (who’s so hip that she doesn’t even capitalize her name) stated that Myspace is now a digital ghetto whose users have left for Facebook in droves in a case of highly studyable electronic “White Flight”. This theory derives primarily from Dr. Boyd’s innate belief that Myspace is for niggers.

If you’ve taken even a remedial sociology 101 class, you’ll remember that instead of talking about interesting social shit, sociology spends all of its time trying to prove that it’s actually a legitimate science:

Just like real science, we have experiments, evidence, samples, empirical data, and measurable results!

In reality though, most of sociology involves some pretty subjective shit, and the chance for a REAL experiment comes along once in a blue moon when the proper conditions arise (e.g. 9/11, Obama’s election, etc.). When it does, it’s usually hijacked by psychologists or other academic groups, who are able to translate their work into making money instead of just using it to get freshmen lesbians into bed.

Thus, Sociologists have to take what they can get – so when one of them thinks of a brilliant theory before psychologists have milked it, they have put the rubber to the fucking road, and fast.

In this case, the author was probably sitting around in Boston getting high and dicking around on Facebook, when someone sent her a link to a Myspace page. She probably checked it out and thought, Christ, remember Myspace? Look at it now – this shit is for niggers!

And of course she’s right – Myspace IS for niggers, but the point she misses is that this has nothing to do with race.

Myspace is fucking LOUD and low rent and that’s why civilized people left, period. The thing she’s REALLY missing is that this is a unique opportunity to study her and her retarded, politically correct, academic community.

Here’s the real study: Unlike real ghettos, people can leave Myspace anytime they want, with one click, and yet niggers choose not to. Now that’s a little more interesting, and possibly has an analogue in meatspace – something that may even be worth studying:

Perhaps it’s not always the MAN keeping niggers “down” – for even when the price of assimilation and “escape” is reduced to a simple click, niggers still don’t choose to change their lifestyle.

In danah boyd’s defense however, if she said anything THAT true at a keynote speech in Lincoln Center, the PC Gestapo would remove her office and she’d be shunned like Jim Goad, both of ’em sent to Siberia to study rubber dogshit flyin’ outta Taiwan.

It’s lifestyle, not race, stupid: I’m outta there and so are my friends. If Myspace is a ghetto suffering from White Flight, then call me Ward muthafuckin Cleaver.

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