I may already have an immaculate smile, but even I have to go the the dentist now and then.

However, I’ve decided that I won’t go to the vet for my dental work and checkups like ‘regular’ dogs anymore. I find the atmosphere very stressful at the vet, and also very lacking in the comfort and entertainment department for a celebrity as well. I’d like to watch a little Animal Planet or something while I’m getting my teeth cleaned at least. And I’d much prefer to sit in one of those comfy dental chairs rather than be pinned down to a cold metal table.

So this past week I insisted that Mum and Dad take me to one of your ‘human dentists’. When they called for the appointment, the dental office said they don’t usually accept dogs but that they would make an exception for me.

(As I expected.)

I was quite impressed when I got there. For one thing there wasn’t even one fat lazy cat in sight! I never liked those sauntering felines that hang around the vet’s office like they own the place… always seeming to mock me somehow.

Anyway, once the hygienist led me to the room she had me sit in the big chair. I’ll admit, I was a little nervous at first, always glancing back to see what she was doing and what sharp tool she might be pulling out of her drawer.

She checked me with a mirror and a little pointy stick to which I have no idea what it’s called. It wasn’t so bad though, because I was just concentrating on the TV screen above her head which was playing an episode of Too Cute from Animal Planet (where one of my photos appears at the end!).

That is until she told me that I had a couple stains on some of my teeth.

“From what?” I demanded, to which she just said it can sometimes happen, and that it’s very hard to remove. She then went so far as to say I may not brush my teeth enough..

I was insulted not by the fact that she thinks my teeth are not clean enough (well, partly that) but mostly because she thinks I brush my own teeth! I have people to do that for me, thank you very much. So that’s when I concluded that this lady was a quack and that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She continued blabbing about something, but after that the only thing I heard coming from her mouth were noises ducks make.

I decided to take matters into my own hands paws, and in doing so told the hygienist I would not be requiring her services any further.

My plan was to do my own dental work just using a mirror, but maybe this was a bit ambitious. So I told Mum to hop up on the chair and that I would practice on her before doing myself. She refused at first, but didn’t delay for long once I gave her my grumpy wiener stare.

It was nice to be on the other side of the mask for once. I had to revel in the moment for a few seconds… while flexing of course.

The problem quickly arose that I couldn’t hold on to any of the damn tools.

This was very frustrating, and it didn’t help that Mum found this to be funny. So I did what most dogs would do to clean her teeth (and to wipe that smirk off her face)..

So that worked well, and was much easier than using those dinky little tools. I don’t know why more dentists don’t use this technique..

But the final test was analyzing Mum’s x-ray results.

After careful examination, my professional opinion was that her teeth looked awfully long in this photo – and that they should be shortened. I’ll be sure to recommend that to the dentist here.

I guess I’m a pretty good dentist after all. I knew it couldn’t be that hard, but I still decided I’ll practice on Mum a few more times before I try on myself.

And since my visit to the dentist, Dad has been on a strict schedule to brush my teeth every night.

I’d say I have a pretty good smile, don’t you?

Keep brushin’,

~ Crusoe

P.S. My 2013 calendars are back on sale for the last time with a limited quantity, so check them out in my store if you still need to get one – there’s already not many left. I’ve also added a brand new option to add a ‘pawtograph’ and custom note by yours truly ; )

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