But screw that, right? There’s a reason nobody likes Nate Silver. You know who everyone likes, deep down, whether they want to work through this uncomfortable personal truth with their therapist or not, is very loud men who go on TV to yell their loud sports takes loudly. And if those men gave even one tiny airborne molecule of a crap about American club soccer, boy would they have some news for you: NYCFC is not going to make the playoffs this season. Not even close! In fact, you’re an idiot for ever thinking they might.

Here’s every reason why this is not a playoff team:

First of all, you only thought they were good last year. I mean they were good, but not good good. Sixty-four points might have been enough for second on the table but second place doesn’t get you a trophy, and even if you won that trophy it’s some dorky fan-made shield thing that hasn’t gotten twerked on by an Atlanta stripper. Aim higher.

According to expected goals, which is totally a thing loud TV men understand and care about, 2019 NYCFC wasn’t even in the top 20 strongest teams of the last nine years. Hell, 2018 NYCFC had a better xGD, and everyone knows 2018 NYCFC was a train wreck because Dome Torrent is a bad soccer coa—sorry, we’re getting a 404 when we try to pull up those old columns but just trust us, that team was a train wreck, okay. Anyway, you know who had a better xGD than NYCFC in 2019? The Chicago Fire, who missed the playoffs so hard they had to fire their coach, take a flamethrower to the only parts of their roster you might have recognized, hand over their best player to the L.A. Galaxy for free, and go into witness protection as the Vancouver Whitecaps if the Vancouver Whitecaps’ crest was scribbled by a four-year-old with Happy Meal crayons.