Since Precourt Sports Vultures* sent out renewal forms to Columbus Crew season ticket holders the same week they unveiled the bland new brand identity for their plan to move the club to Austin, Texas, it’s a good time to remind all MLS customers that their favorite franchise could be next to relocate. After all, Anthony Precourt isn’t doing this by himself. Like all of the league’s so-called “owners,” he’s just an investor/operator. Major League Soccer LLC, as the true owner of all its franchises, is allowing one of its original teams to be moved because it might make more money for all of the corporation’s investor/operators somewhere else. And if the league is willing to do that with the Crew, they’d be willing to do it with any other team, too.

Here are five franchises that could be next to move, along with what the country’s top creative agencies all agree their new identities should be.

Philadelphia Union

The Union’s attendance has been sliding since their inaugural season in 2010 as locals grow increasingly uninterested in an organization that has shown no urgent desire to win. Like the Crew, the Union do not have a coveted downtown stadium. Instead, they built a publicly-funded stadium in Chester, Pennsylvania, with the unkept promise of wider redevelopment for a community in need. Now, the Union can slip out of their lease for just $10 million, find another place with soccer fans desperate for a team, take their money, disappoint them, and repeat the cash-spinning cycle all over again!

New City: El Paso. Houston and Dallas already have MLS teams that aren’t getting much attention, but those are big cities with other major professional sports teams for people to care about. Austin is only Texas’ fourth largest city by population, but there are no other major pro sports teams there. Surely El Paso, Texas’ sixth largest city, presents an even more perfect location. I mean, what else is there to do in El Paso? Go to the Chihuahuan Desert Gardens everyday? I don’t think so.

New Name: El Paso FC.

L.A. Galaxy

Yeah, the Galaxy have Zlatan Ibrahmovic. They also weirdly had that fictional player from FIFA 18’s story mode on loan for a bit. But, like the Crew, the Galaxy are old news. They play on a university campus in Carson, California, and they have one of those goofy MLS 1.0 names that doesn’t even have an “FC” in it.

Los Angeles belongs to LAFC now and there’s nothing the Galaxy can do but pick up and leave, like so many L.A. sports teams before them. Because unlike the Galaxy, LAFC will always be cool. They have no fewer than 68 celebrity investors. They’re like the Planet Hollywood of MLS teams. And as Planet Hollywood has proven, a franchise model trading on the glitz of celebrity investors will never go out of style.

New City: Harlingen. If you thought Austin and El Paso were perfect spots for MLS teams, wait until you see Harlingen—Texas’ 56th largest city. The 65,774 residents of Harlingen will be so shocked to have a professional sports team that they will probably worship it like an invading force of superior beings from another galaxy (get it?!).

New Name: Harlingen FC.

Atlanta United

Sure, Atlanta United are hot stuff right now, with their attendance records and manager who still has Leo Messi’s old number in his phone, but that only means there’s nowhere to go but down. Just ask the Seattle Sounders.

Rather than let this scenario play out, Atlanta United have to move while they’re still on top and catch the next big wave before this one breaks.

New City: Boise. MLS’s marketing team has decided that rivalries are super important, whether or not they actually exist. Atlanta and Orlando are supposed to be rivals for the purposes of the league’s Please Hate Each Other Week, but they’re 438 miles apart and have only played each other a few times, so it doesn’t really work. Boise, Idaho, however, is practically a flare’s throw away from Salt Lake City, Utah. With just 342 miles between them, the rivalry between Boise and Real Salt Lake is just waiting for a few scarf-stealing millennials to kick things off.

New Name: FC Boiselona.

Orlando City

Without a forced rival, Orlando City will have no reason to exist. Yes, David Beckham’s Miami team is supposedly set to join the league in 2020, but given the fluidity of these things, it could very well be David Beckham’s Miami County, Ohio, team by then. (Unlike in south Florida, it would be close to a proven MLS market that will have fresh demand for a new team.) Yes, Orlando City just built a new stadium, but Disney would buy that up and turn it into Kaká’s Castle, a theme park and resort devoted to the greatest Disney prince Orlando has ever seen.

New City: Chicago. The Chicago Fire are, to put it kindly, a dumpster fire locked into an iron-clad suburban stadium lease until 2037. Chicago is obviously a major city where the league needs a much stronger presence and the Fire simply cannot achieve that under the circumstances. MLS can’t even start a new team in the greater Chicago area because of this regrettable deal. So how would this work? Well, that’s where the new name comes in…

New Name: Chicago FC. But the “F” stands for “Fortnite”—the wildly popular video game. Kids today care way more about eSports than old timey sports like soccer, so Chicago FC won’t even bother with it. This will allow MLS to sidestep the provisions of the Fire’s stadium lease and expand into a more viable business at the same time. And when this is proven to be more profitable, all the other franchises can transition to being strictly eSports as well. After all, MLS was only created as a FIFA requirement to host the 1994 World Cup. Now that that’s long over, and hosting rights for 2026 have already been won, it’s time to focus on the next sport of the future.

Minnesota United

The rise of Minnesota United is a nice story of a community club selling itself to an entity that only sees it as a stepping stone to financial success—kind of like the story of the lovely McDonald brothers in The Founder—but let’s face it: Minnesota isn’t in Texas. Even if the team’s investor/operators don’t want to relocate, the league can terminate their operating agreement with a two-thirds board vote and find a more compliant investor/operator for the greater good of the single entity that is MLS (see: Fraser v. MLS).

New City: Corpus Christi. Closing your eyes and pointing at a map of Texas really adds a whole new layer of fun to this relocation business. The league could probably sell the broadcast rights to this dramatic and social-media friendly event for even more than they do for matches themselves. The outrage to it would make it go viral and increase brand awareness exponentially.

New Name: Monster FC. With all of these Texas teams, keeping track of in-state rivalries could become difficult, so some will have to be paired with more distant partners in order to gin up pre-determined animosity. And since it’s high time the New York Red Bulls got a proper energy drink rival, enter Monster FC. Because nothing whips opposing supporters groups into an authenticity-building frenzy of getting as close to being violent as is socially acceptable like rival energy drinks coursing through their veins!

*It’s “Ventures”? Really? And we’re sure that’s plural?

(Photo: Jason Mowry/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)