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Here’s a scheme so crazy it’s a surprise Jeremy Corbyn hasn’t suggested it. Give everyone £1,000 a month regardless of whether they’re earning or unemployed.

Yes, everyone. You, me, homeless strays with nothing in the kitty to fat cat billionaires like Sir Richard Branson, or a catwalk puss such as Kate Moss. Hell, kitten heeled Home Secretary Theresa May could have it, too.

I know they’re already loaded, but this is literally a free-for-all so let’s load them up some more so they really are the cats who got the cream.

This is known as universal basic income, though it could easily be called the something-for-nothing society.

(Image: WENN)

It was thought up in the 1930s by philosopher Bertrand Russell, and old Bertie could be a bit weird. Lefties love it because it smacks of socialist utopia while Tories hate it for the same reason.

How, they ask, will we ever get anyone to clean the streets or mop out toilets if they’re paid £250 a week for doing nothing?

The idea is to scrap benefits and give everyone a monthly income just high enough to cover living costs.

The beauty of it is no one gets left in poverty but work still pays. There’s no expensive means testing or bureaucracy so it actually saves money by simplifying the complex welfare system .

Taxes are adjusted so the money tapers away the more people earn and Richard, Kate and Theresa are no better off.

(Image: PA)

Such schemes have been successful in Indian villages and parts of South America and Finland and the Netherlands are experimenting with it.

But the first large-scale trial is about to begin in the Canadian province of Ontario, and Switzlerand will vote on whether to introduce it in June.

We’ll soon know whether basic income depresses wages or takes away the incentive to work.

If Jeremy Corbyn’s appeal is his socialism then this is just the sort of big socialist idea he should be thinking about. He would be tackling austerity not just griping about it.

And it’s better than piddling around for ways to castrate nuclear submarines which is, er, nuts.

What you need, Jeremy, is some balls in the air.

CRACKING THE WHIP

As it was International Women’s Day on Tuesday Lords questions were dominated by baronesses fighting like lionesses on women’s issues.

So it was courageous of former Chief of the General Staff Richard Dannatt to say that what women need is the opportunity to be taken out and shot.

Maybe that’s the kind of bravery which won him the Military Cross.

(Image: PA)

He wants women soldiers to be allowed to carry out front line close-combat roles the same as men.

Tory spokeswoman Baroness Evans was non-committal.

But Dannatt is spot on. If equality means anything then women should also enjoy the right to get their heads blown off.

NELSON’S i

This Lib Dem peer sounds the right man to get food aid to Zimbabwe. His name is Lord Oates.

Saddle up, Boris!

What looked like a medieval tournament tent appeared in the Speaker’s Commons back garden last week. We gathered in anticipation of arch-enemies John Bercow and David Cameron having a joust. And with that mane, London mayor Boris Johnson could have played the part of one of their horses. Alas it was a marquee in aid of Sports Relief kitted out with gym equipment so MPs could test their fitness.

(Image: Getty)

Flip side of the EU referendum

Labour veteran Paul Flynn bowled a real googly at Europe minister David Lidington. What, he wanted to know, would happen in the unlikely event the EU referendum result is a tie?

(Image: Getty)

Liddington consulted the two relevent Acts of Parliament and found they contained no answer. The outcome then may have to be decided on the flip of a Euro.

In, out, that's what it's all about

Tory Eurosceptic Andrew Bridgen explained to me what’s happening to the Cabinet over the EU referendum.

“Ministers who want in are in with David Cameron while those who want out will be out.

“But if the PM loses he will be out and those who now want to be in will be out with him while those who are now out will be in because they wanted out.”

All clear?

Useless Cameron by Sir Gerald

Labour veteran Sir Gerald Kaufman shared his frustration over David Cameron with a constituent. He said: “I’m afraid it’s useless for me to write to the Prime Minister, since he’s so arrogant he doesn’t reply to letters from MPs.”