We Grow Ourselves By Saying ‘Yes’ And Hone Ourselves By Saying ‘No’

Deciding What Not To Do Is As Important As Deciding What To Do

Photo By Şafak Atalay

Consider your life to be a clay sculpture where every ‘Yes’ adds new clay and every ‘No’ works to define the clay which is already there. At birth, you are endlessly curious and always open to new experiences or possibilities — this constant addition of clay allows you to form a solid foundation for your sculpture.

As we age, we discern what it is that we do and do not like and begin to say ‘No’ to things, allowing our sculpture to slowly take shape. From this point forward, we vacillate between the adding of new material and sculpting of existing as we continue exploring what it is that we truly desire.

This exploration is often greatly hindered, though, vis-à-vis a variety of societal expectations which continue adding more clay to our sculpture, distorting it and inhibiting us from further defining it.

While these societal expectations are well-intentioned, humans are all unique and one size does not fit all. For instance, the American educational system promotes a common core curriculum amongst all of its students without regard for if students are interested or not in certain areas.

So, instead of allowing students to chisel away at their sculpture, they are constantly having more clay added to it and are forced to work on those areas which will almost certainly be completely removed at a later point in life. And it’s for reasons like this that newer models, particularly Montessori, are gaining in popularity.

Even as adults, we continue to add things to our sculpture which shouldn’t really be there.

Did he buy that Rolex because he thinks it’s the best brand of watch or because others think that?

Is she out drinking because she wanted to go out and drink or because other people are doing it?

Are you staying at your job, despite not liking it, because nobody else you work with likes it, either?

It’s not uncommon to hear a story where one person left an upsetting workplace and was followed shortly thereafter by a mass exodus. There are plenty of other situations like this where everyone is thinking the same thing but nobody is willing to lead.

Take a look at your clay sculpture.

What are the aspects of it do you love and find yourself losing track of time while working on?

What are the things you wish you could just cut off?

You’ve got one life. You’re not going to make it into a masterpiece without saying ‘no’.