Cheick Kongo vs. Pat Barry (UFC Live on Versus: Kongo vs. Barry)

The Instant Revenge

Frenchman Cheick Kongo is an intimidating slab of dark continent. A fight fan might know him as the man who elbowed Paul Buentello in half. A non-fight fan know him as the awesome-sounding name on his wife's bucket list. If Cheick Kongo was standing behind Abraham Lincoln when he signed the Emancipation Proclamation, the South would have totally agreed.

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Unfortunately, intimidation doesn't work against Pat Barry. When he took on Crocop, the most dangerous kicker who ever lived, Pat stopped fighting to give him a hug. Pat Barry has so little concept of danger that his cause of death is probably going to be dry humping a gorilla in front of a camera phone.

In a pre-fight interview, Pat Barry laid out his strategy to negate Cheick Kongo's significant reach advantage. "As soon as we start, I'm going to throw some bombs at his head." Cheick didn't need a translator for that because thanks to the last few centuries, every French person recognizes the phrase, "I'm going to throw some bombs at his head," in at least 20 languages.

Two minutes into the fight, Pat Barry executed his strategy perfectly. He stepped in and blasted an overhand right into the side of Cheick's head. Kongo went down and scrambled to escape, but every direction he tried led to a Pat Barry fist in his face. Referee Dan Miragliotta watched Pat deliver what most referees would consider to be three knockout victories. Half the punches seemed to be waking Cheick up while the rest put him back out until finally, miraculously, he wobbled to his feet. Pat, almost as a technicality by this point, moved in to punch him all the way out. Little did he know that while Cheick Kongo was rolling around on the mat wondering where the fuck he was, he was hatching an elaborate revenge plan.

While he stumbled backwards on jelly legs, Cheick flung a right hook into the blurry figure trying to kill him. It made contact with something, so he threw an uppercut. Both punches hit as perfectly as any punches ever thrown and Pat Barry went limp. He was somewhere beyond human pain, moving towards a beautiful light. Meanwhile, back in the Octagon, Dan Miragliotta was letting Cheick bonk him in the head fifty or sixty times in case one of them woke him back up. It was only fair. There was so much brain damage caused in this fight that both men are now required to wear Surgeon General's warnings.