How He Should Have Handled It: Thereâs nothing wrong with a gun-toting, gas mask-wearing, barbed wire tattoo-sporting Puerto Rican gangsta rapper endorsing you. In fact, itâs kind of cool, as long as you never mention it, act like you donât know about it, and avoid eye contact with him whenever youâre in the same room. Because otherwise, you might as well just put on a day-glo hat, flava flav clock and old person sunglasses, because youâre already way past trying too hard and into the realm of dignity pulling your pants down and running away giggling. Youâre going to need a political heavy-hitter to recover from that kind of ego-bruise, and luckily, I know just where to find one â¦ or two.

3 George Bush (both of them)

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

The Endorsement:

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

The Strings:

It kind of goes without saying that a McCain campaign can count on a Bush endorsement. And really, itâs good for all of us; if his own party abandoned him, he might just go into a âNam flashback and rip the throats out of everyone at the nearest caucus. And if thereâs anything we must protect, itâs our caucuses. Cauci? Cockeye? Whatever.On the surface, the endorsement of the man who has the job youâre interviewing for isnât really a bad deal. I had a friend who ran the drive thru at a Taco Bell, and when he quit to become a script reader, I snapped that shit up like a Cruchwrap Supreme. And whatâs the presidency if not a glorified drive thru window? You take the orders of America, misinterpret them due to a broken and convoluted communications system, then give them what you thought they wanted and charge them for it anyway. The point being, if the biggest celeb in the worldâthe President of the gosh-darned United Statesâand his Dad (who was also the President) both want to come out and say you could do their job, thatâs just Fire Sauce.Unless that Fire Sauce has a 19 percent approval rating. Despite their differences, a fairly solid campaign strategy from both sides lately has been to point out repeatedly and emphatically âGuys, I am NOT like George Bush. Seriously, I barely even know the guy. We like, shook hands, ONCE, and we didnât even make eye contact.â While Obama can point to his donkey pin, voting record, and blackness to distance himself from the presidential pariah, all McCainâs really got is the word âmaverick.â Which is not to imply that his camp isnât utilizing the word âmaverickâ to the absolute fullest extent grammatically possible.And if you think Iâm being biased, may I point out that during his endorsement speech, President Bush actually offered to oppose McCain if that would be more helpful. Bitter passive-aggression, or surprising insight? If McCainâs going to pull this one out, itâs time to play some âditch the turd.â Just don't say