Consider this your latest reminder that lacrosse is the worst. What follows is an email exchange, forwarded to us by a tipster, that took place between an angry lacrosse coach, one of his players, and that player's parents. It begins with the player telling his coach that he won't be able to attend a practice or game. It goes downhill from there, thanks to Coach Crazypants. As you read along, keep in mind that the player is in eighth grade.

From: Ryan

To: Coach Maddux I can't make Thursday finals are starting



Sent from my iPhone

Bad move, Ryan!

From: Coach Maddux

To: Ryan I need you there. Seriously. It is about being a student-athlete. You can't miss. You need to manage time better and attend practice. Everyone of your teammates is in exams also and so i am not making an exception for only one player. It is how it will be in hs and college and you have to figure it out. I know you went to landon practice yesterday and so you found time for that. This practice is in season and frankly very important. You need to show up to play as we are not practicing friday. See you thursday!

-Coach Maddux


After not hearing back from the kid for two days, the coach reaches out to Ryan's parents:

From: Coach Maddux

To: Ryan's Parents Call me please this morning. [ Phone number redacted] We need to talk.

No response, which begs a follow-up email:

From: Coach Maddux

To: Ryan's Parents Still waiting on a return phone call....been 2 weeks now.

And here he comes again, on the very same day:

From: Coach Maddux

Date: Tue, 4 Jun 2013 14:05:16 -0400

Subject: Ryan - Madlax

To: Ryan and his parents

I know I have left you a bunch of messages, texts and emails but the best time to call me is in the morning. I have tryouts every night last week and this week and next week.



I just want to speak with you guys. I know you have always said, "Ryan is Madlax for life", and I still love him but it seems like you have been blowing me off. Just call me in the morning. I have done a ton for Ryan over the years and have given him amazing opportunities (Landon, scholarships, 3d/NBC invites, National Team, etc..) and I want to continue to help him as he enters HS and starts looking at colleges. He will need my recommendation with college coaches who I will speak to on his behalf soon believe it or not. I plan to start calling coaches on him and a few others this summer. Going to be fun.

Looking forward to hearing from Ryan or Trish or Myland...someone please.

Thanks, Cabell / Coach Maddux

PS: Ryan played a beautiful game on Sunday! Congrats.


Finally, a response from Ryan's dad:

From: Ryan's dad

To: Coach Maddux We understand that this is a very crazy time for you. And my work AND Trish's work are a bit overwhelming as well. And as you know, I can't call during the day from my mobile and I have been non-stop at work for the past few months.



I am sure you have heard, and you would have noticed because we have not signed up for the summer program, but we are going to make a change this summer. Ryan has had a great time in Madlax, but this year has really been different. Ryan has been unhappy and very demotivated to play. We as a family think it is time we make a change. We have appreciated everything you have done for Ryan, but he has also had a hand in getting where he is. He works very hard and plays very hard. We are very proud of him. We are also grateful for the opportunities he has had to play for Madlax. But again, Ryan just wants to make a change..and we support him in that. This is not a decision we have made lightly...but one we have discussed the pros and cons about over the past several months.



We think you have a tremendous program and wish you the best of luck. I know your teams will do well as you have a TON of talented players with great parents and coaches as well...this weekend proved that. But we have to do what we feel is best for Ryan, so we are going to go in a different direction. And I know you care about Ryan, so I am sure you will be complementary if college coaches happen to ask about him. Ryan is a really good player, but we are realistic about playing at the next level, so we ensure he focuses on his grades as well!



And Cabell, we don't want to make this a big deal...or create a lot of drama that adversely impacts Ryan or anyone else in your program. This decision is hard enough on him. I know you want the same. We wanted to wait until Spring season was done to avoid any distractions to the team. I think you agree that Ryan gave his all until the very last play of the last game.



I think it is best that we agree to part ways and enjoy the great memories in Madlax and the season that we just had. All positive things. This was a tough decision, but one that we have made and will not reverse, so no need to talk further.



Please feel free to remove us from any Madlax distro list. We will continue to pay the CASE fees through July.



Cheers

And here's where the shit hits the fan:

From: Coach Maddux

To: Ryan's Parents What? Is this a joke? This will be a decision that Ryan regrets for a long time. I doubt it is his decision though. I know it is you trying but failing to control the situation. I will speak to coach Bordley and colleges coaches immediately and make sure they know they are getting a quitter who is ungrateful and soft who can't take criticism. You have taken advantage of me and madlax and now you are doing a huge diservice to your son. I am hurt and angry. You have no clue how this lacrosse world works. Wow. You have really screwed him. And by the way it is a big deal and I will let every one of his teammates know. His teammates will hate him for years for quitting and playing for a rival club. Trust me on that.



The fact that you have been considering it for months is just unbelievable cowardice. If I had any clue which I didn't until right now I would have kicked his butt off the team for not being committed. I dont need Ryan or your craziness. I would much rather work with a kid who is tough and grateful.



Your word is obviously meaningless. Ha. Madlax for life. Yeah right. You are a joker and this will hurt Ryan for a long time. No college coach wants to recruit a kid with a crazy and disloyal dad who will transfer his son as soon as he gets yelled at. And by the way you have been on scholarship so I will be back billing you for unpaid events that you said you would pay for. I would never have asked you for that money but now since you are quitting I have legal right to bill you for it.



You have obviously not thought this through. You have not spoken to anyone at Landon because I know what they would tell you to do. You are a team parent cancer and every team has one. All the Landon parents already hate you because they tell me and I have been sticking up for you because you were 'madlax for life'. Screw you for taking advantave of me. I am sorry I got Ryan invited to 3d/ nike blue chip and introduced you to landon because he is obvuously unappreciative. If he was appreciative he would stick with madlax but I know his crazy and controlling dad would not let him.


But coach isn't done yet! Two weeks later, he decides that he hasn't spent enough time acting like a giant man-baby and sends the following email to Ryan and his parents:

From: Coach Maddux

To: Ryan and his parents Hey ungrateful quitter....

Your former teammates and coaches, who hate you now, can't wait to get a piece of you Saturday when we play vlc.

Who quits for getting yelled at and uses people who have helped them for years? Oh yeah...only babies who are coddled (and done a long-term disservice) by their crazy father.

See you there!!!


Don't let your kids play lacrosse.