I was going to hold this for our semi-regular weekly survey of what’s goin’ down in the several states, but I thought that it deserved its own shout-out. In the heart of Real America, local politics are being roiled by the pressing issue of…child brides. If I hadn’t grown up in the hedonistic decadence of a coastal enclave, I’d think this was a genuine moral morass in which these good Christian folks have been wallowing.

Let’s begin in Missouri, via The Kansas City Star:

From 1999 to 2015, more than 1,000 15-year-olds married in Missouri. Of those, The Star’s review of data shows, more than 300 married men age 21 or older, with some in their 30s, 40s and 50s. Assuming they had premarital sex, those grooms would be considered rapists…The number of possible offenders from out of state grows even higher when taking into account other states’ stricter laws, some of which prohibit older teens from having sex with younger teens. Back in her home state of Utah, Strawn’s ex-wife — Heather’s mother —was livid to find out about the marriage. Under Missouri law, her objections didn’t matter. She alerted Idaho police. Heather’s father and new husband were soon arrested. By the time their trials commenced, the marriage had been annulled and Heather had lost her baby to a miscarriage.

And then there’s what’s going on in Tennessee and in Kentucky. From The Tennessean:

Sen. Jeff Yarbro, D-Nashville, who is sponsoring the legislation with Rep. Darren Jernigan, D-Old Hickory, said at a press conference Monday that while many Tennesseans believe the minimum age to marry is 18, a loophole in state law actually allows a judge to waive the age requirement and does not state a minimum age. "The State Department views child marriage in other countries as a human rights abuse, yet it’s something that happens with frequency in Tennessee and across the country," Yarbro said. "We don’t let children under 18 buy a lottery ticket in Tennessee, and we shouldn’t let them enter into child marriages where the odds are so deeply stacked against them."

I admit that I am an Eastern elitist with no moral judgment to speak of, but how in the hell is this still a debatable issue in the 21st century? How has that “loophole” in Tennessee existed for as long as it has? And who are the hay-shaking moron local judges who took advantage of it? If this isn’t a case study in how vapid and empty most “culture war” arguments are in the lives of actual people, I don’t know what is.

Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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