How many times have you said the words "I'm stressed" in reference to your job?

For many of us, it's a number we'd need more than two hands to count.

But how accurate a description is it?

Susan David, a Harvard Medical School psychologist, argues that "stressed" is a word that disguises a more specific issue.

"Often in the workplace in particular we use very broad brushstrokes to describe what we are feeling," Dr David tells RN's This Working Life.

"We might say, 'I'm stressed'; that's a very common one. But often we are not stressed.

"Often, actually, we are disappointed, or we're feeling unsupported, or we're feeling worried."

Dr Susan David says the way we understand our emotions impacts every aspect of our lives. ( Supplied )

Picking apart our emotions so we understand what we're really feeling is "incredibly liberating" — and beneficial, she says.

But how do we do that — and once we have, what do we do next?

'Magnificent signals inside of us'

Organisational psychologist Travis Kemp describes levels of stress and anxiety in organisations as "almost an epidemic".

"It's been creeping up and it's getting worse," he says — and its effects can catch us unawares.

"It's not dissimilar to being a boiling frog: before I realise it, I'm unwell and things have crept up on me," he says.

Because of that, Dr Kemp says, we need better skills for dealing with anxiety, and its associated emotions.

Dr David, who discusses this topic in her book, Emotional Agility, says there's a narrative that we've got "good" and "bad" emotions.

"Good emotions are when you're happy and joyous, and bad emotions are when you are frustrated or sad," she says.

"And I find in my work and my research that that actually undermines our effectiveness with our emotions."

Dr David says it's important to more accurately "label" and interpret emotions.

"Everyday we have many, many emotional experiences and how we deal with those experiences drives so much in our work lives and at home," she says.

"It drives how we come to meetings, how we interact with our colleagues — every aspect of how we love, live, parent."

If we 'sit with them', our emotions can signal to us important messages about our lives. ( Getty: Luis Alvarez )

A "bad" emotion might offer insight into what we want or need at work — if we take the time to properly understand it, instead of ignoring or oversimplifying it.

Dr David says you might ask yourself: "Gee, what's causing this? I'm not stressed, I'm actually worried. What is the thing that I'm worried about?"

"We might be frustrated with a colleague, or we think our boss is a complete idiot, or we're worried about something that a client has said," she says.

"I've never met someone who is frustrated who at some level isn't [thinking], 'I need more growth and I'm not getting enough growth in this particular career'.

"Or someone who is feeling undermined might be [meaning], 'I don't feel like I've got a trusting and trustworthy context here, and actually what I need is greater levels of trust'."

Dr David says often we push those emotions aside — and that thwarts their ability to teach us something.

"Emotions [are] really these magnificent signals inside of us that help us to be effective," she says.

However, she's clear they shouldn't serve as "directives".

"I can think about what my emotions are telling me, but it doesn't mean I need to obey the emotion. It doesn't mean because I am upset with my boss I have to have it out with the person," she says.

"We can learn from our emotions, but they don't get to boss us around. We own our emotions, they don't own us."

Dr David quotes Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist who survived the Nazi death camps.

"[Frankl] describes the idea that between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space is our power to choose. And it's in that choice that lies our growth and freedom," she says.

"When we are hooked by emotions there is no space between stimulus and response."

But, she says when we better understand our emotions, we are able to create the pause that allows us to think about who we want to be in the situation.

What you can do

Dr Kemp says if you're feeling stress or anxiety at work — or any of the other emotions — the best thing to do is to share it.

He says a commonly overlooked "first port of call" for an employee is their direct manager — a relationship that is "really critical".

When that relationship is good, it entails "a strong sense of trust, of intimacy, of vulnerability, of transparency".

But when it's bad, it can make us want out of the job.

"What we know is that people leave their managers not necessarily their organisation," Dr Kemp says.

Dr Travis Kemp describes organisational stress and anxiety as 'almost an epidemic'. ( Twitter: Travis Kemp )

He encourages people to foster "a very strong alliance with [their] reporting manager" that enables them to speak openly "without fear of repercussion".

But what about when the stress is directly related to that manager?

Unfortunately, says Dr Kemp, that is "quite often" the case.

In that situation you can turn to an HR or people and culture representative at your organisation.

These people are "responsible for holding the confidentiality and safety and wellbeing" of staff, Dr Kemp says.

If that's not an option, or not an attractive one, there are other avenues.

"If I don't feel like I have anybody inside the organisation I can share with, without putting me at risk ... I start to go external," he says.

"I can start to see my GP and I can use my GP to be referred on to a psychologist or another mental health professional."

Just don't keep the emotion to yourself.

The aim, Dr Kemp says, should be to get the support needed "to start to address the issue that I have and either heal or strengthen my performance or functioning".

He recommends regular check-ins to monitor your health and wellbeing.

"We've got into the habit of doing that from a physical wellness perspective, but we probably don't check-in and have check-ups around our mental health as frequently," he says.

"In the same way as you would go and see your GP every year for a check-up, I encourage people to go and have a conversation with their psychologist every year for a mental check-up as well, because essentially what I'm trying to do is adopt healthy thinking habits."

He says identifying things early means being able to "pick up when things are heading down a path when things are less healthy and less desirable, and I can put in place the changes early".