Seattle, WA – Lab techs are often unsung heroes of the hospital. Their work allows patients and physicians alike to have answers to many medical questions. One group of lab techs, however, may be trying to tell us something using cryptic messages on petri dishes.

White Coat Weekly first heard of this story when local authorities were called after a petri dish said “Call 9-1-1”. Leslie Aureus is a staff member in the lab who made the call. “They answered the phone and said ‘9-1-1, what’s your emergency?’ and I was just like I don’t know this petri dish says to call you guys!” Aureus said. “They were like ‘say what now?’ and asked what type of drugs I had been doing,” she continued.

Aureus’ call was dismissed until more cryptic messages started showing up, at which point authorities started to investigate more. “Is there a serial killer in the lab? Maybe. I’ve always thought that guy Ron is creepy as hell. All he does is listen to weird music in those obnoxious head phones and doesn’t really talk to anyone,” said Sarah Eukarya, another lab employee.

We talked with Ron, who said he just shows up and does his job while talking to as few people as possible, which seems to be not an uncommon goal in these types of workers. He doesn’t seem that suspicious.

Not all the cryptic messages have been bad, apparently. Other messages have included “Ur Cute”, “Lab Techs Rock”, “Give us a raise”, and our personal favorite, “If these MFers don’t start labeling samples appropriately we are going to burn this place down.” Anyway, we hope that the techs can continue expressing themselves and being heard even if it has to be through petri dishes.

Johnson Tightbook, the lab manager, is maybe the least amused about this whole situation. “I run on a budget that literally has room for 0 error. I am going to find whoever is doing this, and I am going to inoculate them and their entire family with…” he trailed off, shaking slightly. We are going to stay away from that guy.

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