CANADA CITY, Canada—in a surprising rebuke to the other guy, Canadian voters went to the polls recently and elected some Canadian dude as president.

“I am honoured that the Canadian voters have chosen me to rule this great state,” said the guy, who was definitely not Wayne Gretzky or Justin Bieber. “Together, we will make things better for all Canadians, with plenty of health care, and ice, and polar bears.” He went on to announce that he had received congratulatory messages from all of Canada’s neighbors, including America, North Canada, and the Yukon.

The campaign pitted all two or three or four Canadian parties against each other. The incumbent Conservation Party, which was running on a platform of environmental conservation, we assume, and probably also health care, and generally being polite, were ousted by the challengers, the Democratic National Liberal Democrats, who also seemed awfully polite.



Long lines formed at polling stations throughout Canadia