Why is it we have such difficulty accepting our own sexual desires?

In a recent BiFocus meeting we discussed the issue of self-acceptance and coming to terms with desire for both sexes.

I asked if it would make a difference if we lived in a world where it was completely acceptable to appear with a male partner one day and a female partner the next. There was no judgment placed upon this type of behaviour. Would it end the confusion?

The answer was “No”.

It’s not so much about external acceptance as internal: how we feel about our own desire.

It’s taken me most of my life to come to terms with my desire for men. Like many other bisexuals, I shrugged it off: a passing phase; a brief interlude; a minor detour. But when my desire returned – after a 12 year hiatus – I realized that no, there was no magic key to unlock the mystery of my bisexuality, to cure me.

This is just who I am.

It was at this point that I came out to my wife. I was no longer willing to hide that part of myself – deny the desire. I no longer could, anyhow.

We’re both much happier now. She accepts me and we have used it to transform our relationship. So far, it’s for the better. We celebrate our 19th anniversary this month, and our relationship has never been better.

We talk openly about our desires and feelings. It’s scary, but fun too. That’s what intimacy is: opening the hidden aspects of oneself. Being open also allows oneself a feeling of wholeness, completion; there’s nothing hidden and nothing to hide.

There is power in that. Strength.