RUGBY union players live in constant fear of encountering their league counterparts, it has emerged.

Although distantly related, the two versions of ‘leather egg’ are not on speaking terms, largely because of league’s reputation for sudden, brutal violence.

Loose head prop Tom Booker said: “I’m six-foot eight, eighteen stone and vastly wealthy, but league players make me feel like a soft, puny weakling.

“I know they’re smaller, and there’s only 13 of them compared to 15 of us, but they’ve all got this look about them that says they’d bite my eyes out if I tackled them funny.

“Also I can’t understand their northern voices, which makes me think they’re talking about me, probably discussing whether to punch me in the face.

“Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and a place for gratuitous violence, but what kind of monster doesn’t at least try to dodge a tackle? Only a ravening beast runs straight at people on purpose.”

Booker suddenly looked round, saying: “Shit, they’re not here, are they? They move so damn quickly without line-outs.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

However rugby union and rugby league confirmed that in the right circumstances they would be prepared to get together to beat up football.