It is the undeniable truth that any question you can ask along the lines of "Why is ____ happening in Florida?" is just begging to be caught in an unanswerable, endless French curl of your own imagination. Is it because it's hot all the time? Or you see alligators on a daily basis? Let's just remove the question mark: What the fuck is wrong with Florida.


In December, a Miami woman beat the shit out of her ex-boyfriend with a mounted deer head when he broke into the shared apartment she'd locked him of. Another Florida-based female-perpetrated domestic abuse incident occurred early last month in Coral Springs, when an 18-year-old woman beat her boyfriend after he reportedly called her "ugly" and withheld sex from her.

It comes in threes, apparently. Last night, a woman named Stacey Ann Ortiz was slapped with a misdemeanor domestic battery charge after attacking her boyfriend when he refused to have sex with her. When he escaped—in his underwear—Ortiz used a mop handle to smash the windshield of his truck and chased him down the street.


Interesting how two of the three assaults reportedly came from the withholding of sex, and it basically goes without saying that these stories got a disproportionate amount of coverage when you consider the number of anonymous women being beaten. Nevertheless, the intolerance for domestic violence cuts both ways.