The Ending of Dramamine

10/30/2014

Sunset got sick of being bored.

10/31/2014

It was too comfortable being a sophomore in high school . Turning in homework when she was able to worked out smoothly. Studying only when she was actually stuck worked; she rarely needed the help. Every adult claiming she had that sweet, sweet natural intelligence was right, and she could coast on it even if she didn't act like a model student. It was then only natural for her life to peak as she awkwardly made out with her girlfriend Lain in a secret spot at a Halloween house party. (Said girl claimed to "want to try out being [a girl] for a while", which was bizarre wording, but that way of forming language was what initially drew Sunset to her.)

Hmm, not sappy enough…?

"H-Hey, sweetie," Sunset muttered as she moved her head back. "Making out here isn't the best idea. I want more privacy if we're going to kiss."

Please.

"…yeah." It was hard to notice at this point, but the dubstep music blaring throughout the house however long ago got more muffled. How long did they stay cramped in this closet? She only felt a little guilty that she was annoyed at Lain. "If you want, we can move to my car…"

"That'll be even less secret than here. Let's wait until after the party?"

"Mmhmm." With a bit of difficulty, Sunset started to untangle herself from Lain. "This will sound like a convenient excuse now that I'm bringing it up here instead of earlier, but the party feels stupidly draining."

"Yeah?" Sunset asked as she pushed the door open. For whatever reason, the music had been turned down even more since she last noticed.

"Yeah. My head hurts too. I can't afford to stay here for much more longer." Lain held onto Sunset's left arm as they walked around the house, a lot emptier than expected. "Maybe with all the quiet though…"

"It should be fine. Do you wanna go get something to eat while I find out what's going on? I know we don't know Ethan's house for dick, but…" Lain nodded and kissed Sunset. All she could muster for a response was a kiss on the forehead and a weak smile before wandering off. It'd be really shitty to form deeper connections with others if your presence didn't feel like a guarantee.

Nah. That's selfish talk.

She just needed to get away for a little bit, like always.

The few stragglers left in the house seemed to be other introverts, save for one couple watching something on a phone while holding onto each other. It didn't seem like anyone knew what was going on. There was no way she would be asking anyone still inside. She didn't want to bother the boys snuggling up, and she'd rather walk home than talk to a stranger.

Since the house was a dead-end, Sunset decided she might as well head back to the car and see if Lain had an extra joint stashed away. It was more for her benefit than Lain's, really, and at that point in the night, she really needed it. Lain wouldn't mind, since she agreed to be the designated driver tonight. Once Sunset could drive next year she'd pay it back.

Stepping through the exit closest to the car immediately worsened her nausea, with alcohol lingering in the air and a few schoolmates "sitting" on the porch. She wasn't high enough to tolerate the stench, so getting out of there was an immediate priority. Putting any negative physical feelings out of mind, she purposefully zoned out as best as she could all the way to the car.

What would her parents think if they were still a part of her life? 'How disappointing', 'why do you always have to hang out with such bad influences', etc.. Maybe say more derogatory things. Certainly would hate her new name. Whatever. It was England, free from them, and even if her body was found one day —

"Oh, Sunset!" Some girl she barely knew named Olivia grabbed her arm and pulled her out of daydreaming, drunkenly yelling in her ear. Sunset wished she could remember if England was the country where it's acceptable to call another girl a 'cunt', or if she was even allowed to say it. "Happy birthday!"

"Hey. If the wrong person sees that some teens are drinking alcohol, won't school crack down on shit more easily?"

"Weren't you going to —"

"Yeah, but it'll look like a cig to anyone it actually concerns, it's my birthday, and I feel sick."

"Truuuue. Where's Lain?" Olivia leaned too close into Sunset's space. She wasn't sure if she did that to people on purpose or if she was just that unaware.

"Inside, while I go to see why everyone left the party and get stoned. Alone. When I say sick, I mean 'throwing up' sick." The emphasis was enough to get Olivia to let go and back away, although she still trailed Sunset.

"Fiiine. When you've finished, everyone is behind the house waiting for an artsy magic show to start. I bet you would have a lot of fun watching it high!" Olivia waved and pranced off. Was Ethan rich enough to hire a performing act like that?

Probably, yeah, rich fuck.

Regardless, it was at least something to do. Lain would probably be overwhelmed by it tonight, but still wouldn't hurt to ask. She took out her phone and went to Skype. Texting wouldn't be fast or noticeable enough.

Three6serpent: Hey! Duvet: hi! Three6serpent: There's a magic art show behind the house. Wanna check it out with me? Duvet: no… maybe later but for the moment im just gonna get some writing done. Three6serpent: Sure. Take care horsie. Duvet: you too snek! also dont smoke everything, ill need it when we get to my place.

Sunset fully became aware of her surroundings again when the show was winding down and people were leaving. She should have prepared better for the number of teenagers making a racket over a magic show; all the commotion overstimulated her when it was too late to do anything about it. Whenever she got back into the house, she'd have to ask Lain if she was stashing stronger stuff than she had expected, even if it was just one joint.

The magicians of the night were in the back by court walls, scrubbing off their graffiti and chatting among themselves. Sunset knew. She knew what she saw. They said it was a magic act, and that they pulled off some elaborate tricks in the name of art. Everyone else may have been too excited, drunk, stoned, or naive to figure it out, but she caught on, even if she didn't remember exactly what happened.

While she wasn't big into magic shows, she saw her fair share on late-night TV, unable to fall asleep. She understood how a fair number of tricks worked. Seeing the graffiti move throughout the wall on its own though… that wasn't magic. When it passed her row, it turned into something grotesque, something she could recall seeing before in dreams. That wasn't magic, that —

"Hhhk!"

She faced the stars now. Her legs refused to cooperate, and she couldn't help but giggle. It'd be a decent amount of minutes before her body acted like a sober one.

"Hey, are you alright?"

An angel?

No, just a person.

"Y-Yeah… Just coming down, sorry…" It was embarrassing to have to talk to others in this state, especially when she needed to confront those artists.

"No worries. Let's get you inside, alright?" The concerned individual lifted her up and gently dragged her towards the house. This wasn't what she was going for, she had to confront all of them, dammit.

"I'm fine, I was just, uh, hoping to talk to you all?"

"Oh?" The somebody bringing her back didn't even pretend to treat the conversation like a serious one. Infuriating.

"What's your n… name, again?"

"Uh, Vin."

"Good. I'm Sunset. Vin, um, do you, please stop. I just wanna ask." Vin kept walking to the house. Sunset feebly tried to punch them in the back, which prompted a sigh.

"Okay." They stopped and carefully sat down with Sunset on the porch. "We'll take a few minutes to breathe out here. What did you want?"

"The show…"

"Oh, yeah. Did you enjoy it?"

"I did, I think. But that's not…" She didn't know how to word it. No matter how she said it, she would sound crazy or high, and making a scene would be the worst way to spend a birthday. Even on Halloween, it wasn't preferable. "I…"

"Take your time. I don't have too much time, but everyone else understands." Vin wasn't looking at anyone, but up at the porch lights. Come to think of it, they didn't make eye contact during the show either, so they probably had that kind of hardcore social anxiety.

Just like Lain.

"How did you all do the… the things?"

"A magician never —"

"That's… not magic." It fell silent, which which created a stronger urgency to say something to break it. She wasn't ready to look up at their face to see their reaction, if there was one. "I can do weird shit too. Like… people's dreams. I can enter them, and shit. See what their dreams are like. I saw my girlfriend's dreams one night. Took her um, two nights to believe me. I don't know everything about it, but it's fun. I just like, don't know who to talk to about it. I thought there wasn't anyone else like me. In a good way, but also a bad way too. Like, what's its fucking purpose, you know? I want a purpose too."

Fucking idiot, please stop.

"That art. I've seen it before in someone else's dream, and I dream about it like. Whenever I go too long without weed. I don't know what you guys do with your art. But I wanna hang. And see it some more. And see why you all do it. It wasn't magic. It was real."

School's gonna suck for you now, you know that?

There was more silence, but nothing left to ramble on about. Humiliating. No one would stay under the illusion that she was a perfect high school girl now.

"Maybe I shouldn't believe you like this, but I do, I think." Sunset managed to glance at their face, and while they weren't looking back, she could tell that their expression was more relaxed. "I guess you caught us. Before you go, do you want to talk with everyone? To let you know a little in advance, we're part of an art group, if that would be too offputting."

It should have been, but excitement became the only emotion that took control. Whatever seriousness in maintaining her outward personality was left began to gradually fade.

08/04/2018

Everything was still out of reach.

If it hadn't been out of her grasp already, then it would eventually slip away. All her real-life friends were gone. There were so many other people from Are We Cool Yet who she didn't have the courage to face up to. Lain hadn't been in her life for years now, and there was no way she could rely on her for support.

"Tanaka. I'm taking a flight in a couple hours. I have some spare money to get gas for your car, it's whatever. Alright." Sunset hung up, leaving enough of a voicemail. She didn't want to resort to staying with someone she barely knew, but she no longer felt like she was able to stay in England. There was no way she'd be calling her parents; she would literally rather throw herself off of a bridge. That just left trusting an internet stranger.

Isaac Tanaka was in Are We Cool Yet as well, but she barely knew anything about him beyond music stuff. The singular one-on-one conversation they had was over a year ago, while she was too stoned and drunk to remember any of it. There was no way Tanaka would have trusted her enough to do this if one of Vin's friends didn't vouch for her. One of these days, she'd have to find out who did it and thank them.

"If they're worth thanking, I guess." It took Sunset a moment before she realized she spoke part of her internal monologue out loud.

Embarrassing.

While back in America, she'd have to learn how to behave. Hostilities were a no-go. She was fortunate enough to even have this chance, so no one else should be dragged down by her behavior. As best as she could manage anyway, figuring it out on the fly. It'd take some time, but she had another chance for a future anyhow.

All the anxiety took form at once, as she threw up in the plane's bathroom instead of sleeping.

Dumbass.







