Wow, but the fur — and clothing, and screeners’ hands — are flying at airports, aren’t they? Yee haw! Christmas came early this year for those of us who hate the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), who have prayed for nine long years that the good Lord would smite it from the face of the earth, who can’t wait to take to the skies again once LaWanda and her porno-scanners roast in Hell.

Not that I want to look a gift-horse in the mouth (yet another reason the TSA will never employ me since its perverts eagerly peer everywhere), but might I ask what took so long? Those Americans willing to tolerate a stranger’s rubbing the back but not the front of his hands over your body, enlighten me: why does a warrantless search violate your liberty, dignity, and modesty now, but a year ago, as you stood coatless, shoeless, and spread-eagled, it was merely an inconvenience — or, far worse, the price we paid for "security" and a "free" society?

The TSA has eviscerated liberty, dignity, modesty and everything decent since Day One. And before 9/11, it was the FAA conducting the massacre: recall that its high-flying dictators mandated checkpoints for rifling our luggage and forcing us through magnetometers without warrants. Remember ticket agents interrogating us about whether we’d packed our own bags ("You know, ma’am, hmmm, I think I had the upstairs maid handle it this time"), again per the FAA’s imbecilic dictates? And no, none of this approaches the TSA’s utterly incredible sexual assaults, but anyone who understands government could have discerned the embryonic bureaucracy and its abuses lurking in the FAA’s stranglehold. A people that allows the State to impede their travels with silly questions and unconstitutional searches has no logical argument against such lunacy’s going naked.

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So while it’s refreshing, inspiring, and monumentally gratifying to see the country finally awaken to the atrocities synonymous with governmental control of transportation, where were these folks in November 2001, when the grotesque liar and torturer George Bush signed the legislation empowering TSA? The seeds of every outrage the agency has committed lay in that wicked law. Where were they when the TSA preyed on Nick Monahan and his family in 2002? When its deviants groped well-endowed women in stairwells at Reagan National and assaulted Phyllis Dintenfass in Wisconsin in 2004? When entertainer Patti LuPone complained that "a screener was all over me with her hands" after the TSA forced her to disrobe? When two air marshals slaughtered Rigoberto Alpizar in December 2005? When screeners felt up nuns, stole snacks from little old ladies, humiliated crippled children and amputees?

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What a lesson on Pastor Martin Niemöller’s famous warning, "They came first for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up…" Passengers docilely standing in line, keeping their heads down, complying with the TSA’s humiliating orders, desperately hoping to make their flights without a bully’s picking on them. And the price of all this? Turning a blind eye as the TSA’s whores — what else do we call sluts who put their hands between people’s legs for pay? — savaged yet another victim, screamed at yet another confused, infrequent flyer, yanked yet another older man’s pants down, compelled yet another mother to drink her own milk. Tolerate these offense against your fellow serfs, and before long Our Rulers have their hands down your britches, too. That’s the nature of government.

Meanwhile, some slaves are still debating whether the TSA’s sexual assaults are truly sexual assaults. They earnestly ask whether we can call them that if the courts disagree. Or say a whore’s fondling of your toddler doesn’t conform in all details to the legal definition of "sexual molestation": should we still use that term? God save us from such wretched cowardice and serfdom, that we actually dismiss government’s attacks on us and our families if twits in black robes tell us to.

Don’t expect the criminals in Congress, the leeches whose lavish lives we fund, the gutless wonders more concerned with their campaign contributions and cronyism than with the babies in utero the porno-scanners will deform, to defend us from the monster they’ve unleashed. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) was out there pooh-poohing the fine work of James Babb and George Donnelly at We Won’t Fly: "[Chaffetz] says he still has many concerns about the full-body scans but says Americans should object through Congress, not to TSA agents. And especially not on such a busy travel holiday," as our two heroes are urging us to do next Wednesday, November 24, on National Opt-Out Day. "u2018I just think there’s a better, smarter way to do it than protesting and missing your flight home to grandmother’s place for Thanksgiving,’ Chaffetz said Tueday [sic]." Yeah, and there were probably better, smarter ways to overthrow tyranny than crossing the Delaware in the middle of a blizzard at night. But, hey, Jas, a patriot’s gotta do what a patriot’s gotta do.

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As if this political insider would ever in a billion years want to, he added, "[National Opt-Out Day]’s not the way to change the system." Wanna bet, you bozo?

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Not to be outdone is Rep. John "Never Held A Job In Aviation in My Life, But Heck if Such Colossal Ignorance Will Keep Me From Dictating to the Industry" Mica (R-FL). He’ll "soon be chairman of the House Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure" and is also "one of the authors of the original TSA bill." Mica’s forever scolding the TSA while simultaneously voting it more money and power. His solution to whores’ molesting children? Nope, not jail-time, you optimist, you. Instead, he’s "recently written to the heads of more than 150 airports nationwide suggesting they opt out of TSA screening" and hire "private" screeners — who will still "work [sic] under federal supervision." Oh, yeah, biiiiiig difference. Yo, John: let’s try outsourcing Congresscriminals next.

But for sheer, "I’m-so-scared-I-just-wet-my-pants" contemptibility, it’s hard to beat Sen. Joe Liebermann (Israel — sorry, Independent, CT). "I think perhaps the reaction to the pat-down procedures got ahead of TSA’s or the department’s description of what you were doing and why you were doing it,” he quavered to John Pistole, Prostitute-in-Chief at the TSA. Aw, come on, Joe: we taxpayers aren’t nearly as stupid and craven as Pistole the Pervert and you.

Joe also deems groping and ogling “necessary for the security — homeland security of the American people.” Don’t you love it when a guy married to "the child of a Holocaust survivor" parrots Hitler’s terminology?

Mention of Nazis always reminds me of Janet "Big Sis" Napolitano for some reason. Catch her insouciance as she and her gang of whores destroy other people’s companies (Ok, they’re only lousy airline corporations in bed with the Feds, but still…): "u2018if people want to travel by some other means,’ they have that right."

For now, at any rate: a government that can require us to buy medical insurance could require us to buy airline tickets, too. Look for Our Rulers to pass Obamatravel once they destroy aviation as thoroughly as they did medicine.

So take Big Sis’s advice while you can. Boycott aviation until the TSA is abolished. Don’t fly.

November 19, 2010

The Best of Becky Akers