Light and then dark and then light again

I am worried. Neil Warnock breezes through his first five games as Barcelona manager with a perfect record, scoring 13 and only conceding a single goal.

In the first La Liga game of the season Huesca are swatted aside 2-0. Even more concerning is the 61% possession Barcelona achieve during the game, and the fact both goals come from their new workhorse wide-midfield pairing of Lionel Messi and Philippe Coutinho.

An identical result happens away at Eibar, with a similarly impressive amount of possession and standout performances coming from all over the pitch. Pique plays a 9.0, Suarez scores both goals for an 8.8 and Messi takes home the man of the match award, sparkling from the right wing with a 9.1.

After the game Warnock will describe the performance as a 'good solid game' from the best player in the history of football.

Their first real test comes with the visit of that other famously pure Basque football entity, Athletic Bilbao, who battle manfully against Warnock's team but ultimately succumb to an 82nd minute winner from Coutinho. Messi, again, is awarded a 9.0 and another overly large bottle of champagne he almost certainly won't drink for his efforts.

The first Champions League game of the season, away at Hoffenheim, is their best performance yet, as every single player achieves a rating of 7.0 and they stroll to a comfortable 3-0 victory.

Whisper it quietly, but has Neil Warnock taken one of the most dominant footballing in modern footballing history and... made them better?

The retort comes quickly and decisively: no. Of course he hasn't. Don't be fucking stupid. Don't be fucking ridiculous.

Barcelona quickly lose three on the trot: 3-2 at home to Valencia, 3-2 away at Levante and 3-0 away to Real Betis.

Luis Suarez, who has been Warnock's standout player thus far, picks up an injury early in the Valencia game, meaning that 5 foot 7 inch Lionel Messi is tasked with leading the line on his own with every other midfielder stationed around fifty metres behind him. And that isn't the only problem they start facing.

Like an overenthusiastic puppy gnawing at a brand new cream leather sofa, the Barcelona players appear to be taking to Warnock's robust approach a bit too eagerly and the disciplinary problems are already beginning to surface.

After the defeat to Valencia their manager Marcelino publicly scolds Warnock and his players, telling the press he is "disgusted" and that the style has "no place in football". It is clear that Neil Warnock will be as popular a figure in La Liga as he is in the Premiership, where he regularly stares down officials after the game, TV cameras before it and tells other managers to fuck off if they want to shake hands.

The Valencia player he is claiming fell victim to the unnecessary Barcelona aggression, by the way, is none other than former Arsenal shin-kicker extraordinaire Francis Coquelin. Make of that what you will.

Against Levante they go 3-0 down inside 25 minutes thanks to an early Gerard Pique red card and a Borja Mayoral hat-trick. They fight back admirably with ten men, but ultimately don't do enough to earn a point. Understandably given the nature of the results, the fans have something of a meltdown on social media with the reaction as far-ranging as: "Well, that was grim" to "Neil Warnock is doing a fine job with this formation", and "Like the way we're playing!" to "Just got back from the match, wish I'd stayed at home".

This is not what Los Culés are used to and they are baffled.

It's clear that they don't know what to make of Neil Warnock on the coast of the Mediterranean.

They needn't have worried too much about attempting to understand the manager who looks a bit like a disgruntled Primary School dinner lady as everything was summed up perfectly in their next game, this time at home to Manchester United in the Champions League.

Warnock's men responded to the bad run of form with a shithouse 1-0 win, the only goal of the game coming in the 89th minute from substitute Kevin Prince-Boateng. A 2-0 away win at Girona follows, where somehow they have 67% possession but still manage to commit 17 fouls (!). Barcelona produce only three shots on target.

Glance at the scoreline and things might appear the same. Dig a little bit deeper, though, and they are very, very different.

Neil's at the wheel and he's driving a tank into the ocean

Like Newton's Cradle, Barcelona's form continues to swing back and forth from 'actually very good' to 'completely and utterly abysmal'. For instance: a 3-0 win over Lyon in the Champions League is followed by an embarrassing 2-1 defeat to Vallecano at home.

A potentially sackable offence in its own right when you're at a club like Barcelona, Warnock responds by reeling off four away wins on the bounce without conceding a single goal - including a heroic 1-0 win against league leaders Atletico.

Despite the run, it still leaves Barca in eighth position in the league, a precarious spot for any manager, let alone a Yorkshireman called Neil who only ever orders patatas bravas in the world famous tapas bars of the Catalonian capital.

That being said, Barcelona do manage to finish top of their Champions League group despite a 1-0 away defeat to United in their last game and negotiate the fourth and fifth rounds of the Spanish Cup with minimal fuss.

Unfortunately, that might not be enough to keep Warnock in a job by the time 2019 rolls round.