After all those years of searching, the US military has failed to capture Osama bin Laden. Why? Because they failed to use parachuting bears, obviously.

That's just one of the many useful suggestions the US defence department receives through its www.defense.gov website every day, and of which it has provided a few of the more amusing ones to Stars and Stripes newspaper. Such as the one advising on the use of trained sniffer-bears to hunt down bin Laden and bring him to justice. Bear justice.

Bears have scent detection that is far superior to bloodhounds! Trained bears with GPS and day/night cameras around their necks might be able to hunt down the scent of [Osama bin Laden], even in and through any caves and tunnels!!! Overnight, parachute some bears into areas [bin Laden] might be. Attempt to train bears to take off parachutes after landing, or use parachutes that self-destruct after landing.

Anyone who wishes to volunteer to train the bears to take off their parachutes should call the Pentagon immediately.

"The authors' names were withheld, but all spelling, grammar and paranoia are authentic," notes Stars and Stripes.



Many of the messages involve questions about the events of 9/11 from "Truthers" – but with one correspondent noting something no one else in the entire planet has considered:

Has anyone at the Department of Defense noticed that the Twin Towers were destroyed on 9/11, and that when you dial emergency services in the USA you dial 911? If so, is this merely a coincidence

Co-incidence? Yeah. That's what they want you to think.

Update: Reader otmshank points out in comments below that bears do have a track record of finding and killing militants:

The militants had assault rifles but were taken by surprise - police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked.

Hmm, the bear didn't eat the pudding... maybe the defence department already has Operation Killer Bear up and running?