Raising a baby is a tough gig. "Experts" declare at every turn that the wrong decisions on nutrition, napping or enrichment will render your child emotionally barren, homeless, sexually deviant and, worst of all, short. It's no wonder child rearing products are such a huge industry. Here are 20 products perfect for developing little tykes ... into adults who want to murder their parents. Advertisement

20 Zaky Infant Pillow Continue Reading Below Advertisement The Zaky Infant Pillow will simulate your touch to soothe your child into rest, provided the baby is accustomed to being palmed by disembodied sausage-fingers. They are weighted to remain firmly positioned, which is useful to parents who don't want to baby's first memory to be "The time mommy's massive foreman hands mercilessly pinned me down"

19 Baby Keeper This is a dangerous idea. Not because it looks unstable or poorly constructed, but because its utility is too seductive. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Once the parent realizes how freeing this is, it will never stop with bathroom breaks. Want to vacuum? Slap that squirming bundle of modern art up on a closet door for a few minutes! Not enough room for the groceries and the child safety seat in the car? Use those hooks on the bumper and make an impromptu side car!

18 Swimming Neck Ring This product, previously named My First Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Trainer , appears to be primarily designed to protect the baby's head in the event of shark attack. Continue Reading Below Advertisement

17 Pee-Pee Teepee It's not just a mechanism to block rogue urine sprays , it's a festive party hat for your baby's junk! We noticed they are sized so adults can wear them too, but you might consider not breaking it out at the next office shindig. You don't want your last name being synonymous with HR's "Penis Hat" precedent for inappropriate conduct.