Article content continued

A Daily Telegraph article from back when the EU was stuffing CLFs down people’s light sockets said the Eurocrats had fessed up that “exaggerated claims are often made on the packaging about the light output.” Even after 10 minutes struggling toward full power, the Telegraph-tested 11W CFL produced just 58 per cent of the light of the 60W it supposedly replaced. So I have a fake, poisonous 60W bulb thanks to people from the government here to help.

Exaggerated claims were also made about their longevity. Plus they warmed up slowly, gave a light too sickly for Minas Morgul, didn’t work with dimmer switches and the government made us buy them without having proper disposal plans, helping poison landfills. Great.

So when I got home with my LED booty, I cancelled the evacuation-to-Mozambique plan, then thought “Why did the government make us buy that specific technology instead of simply pushing up electricity prices until we switched of our own free will?” OK, the Ontario government did push up electricity prices, albeit accidentally by backing the wrong new generating technologies. But I’m old enough to remember when everybody, right and left, realized it was expensive folly to let governments pick winners (and losers pick government).

Strangely and dishearteningly, after realizing it, we went right on doing it, like someone aware they should quit drinking who reacts to every crisis by taking a stiff shot. Yet Canadians were perfectly able to notice that LEDs last way longer, use less power, give off nicer light and don’t force the dog to leave the room if they break.

They’re still too brilliant rather than warm. And it’s a bit weird and “disposable society” that when they finally burn out you throw away the whole lamp, muttering something that prompts a small child to ask “Grampa, what’s a ‘lightbulb’?” But if all the bulbs an old-style lamp killed were to haunt you with a dimly reproachful if non-eldritch glow, you’d realize assessing environmental impacts is complicated. Unlike deciding whether it’s cheaper to keep replacing incandescents or buy an LED.

So there. And if it took me a while, don’t call me a dim bulb. I got rid of those.