I love music. And ever since I was a little kid, I’ve never been able to resist slapping at, poking, prodding, or strumming any instrument of which I happened to be in the vicinity. I took piano lessons for several years. Played the trumpet, which I hated. In college, I taught myself how to play the guitar, and I was so proud of myself when I bought my first electric guitar in 2010. I grew and learned and wrote many songs on my yellow, semi-hollow Epiphone friend.

Many times, my girlfriend and I would sit in the bedroom, she on her computer and I at my desk, in a chair, or on the bed strumming and picking at the strings as we steal glances at each other. Winking and grinning like only two people in love can, developing in tandem our unwritten language. Occasionally I’d hum under the soft glow of the string lights. Sometimes it even sounds good. Occasionally I’ll curse at my fingers or some imaginary obstacle on the fretboard. It’s all part of the process. And it was such a wonderful process. I just love music.

But the evenings and nights have been quiet the past few months. I had to make the hard decision of selling all my music equipment in order to pay rent and bills. And buy food. As an independent contractor, my income is either feast or famine. Minus the feast. These hard times left me a musician without music. She cried when I told her that it came to that. And after a couple days from comforting her and keeping my chin up, I cried, too. A lot. I really missed my Epiphone friend. Moreover, I missed making music under the string lights.

She loves giving. She’s the kind of person that will dedicate hours of her life contemplating and researching the perfect gift for someone. And she always succeeds. When she fell on hard times of her own, she lost the ability to buy gifts. But, that didn’t stop her from giving. Unbeknownst to me, she made this new account and signed "me" up for redditgifts and the secret santa exchange. I’ve been a user on this site for like, six years. So, I was familiar, but never participated in it. She put in a lot of effort to make this possible. She loves giving.

To my Secret Santa,

When your letter came in, with a $50 gift card to Kroger, saying more was on the way, I didn’t know what the hell was up. Or who gave it to me. Or how they got my address. Or what day it even was! I told my girlfriend about the card, after which she revealed the surprise of what she’d done. The next morning, the doorbell rang. I jumped up, went outside and saw a big-ass box on the stoop. I’ve never owned a keyboard before, Santa. And never in my life will I forget the amazing generosity you showed me this Christmas. I opened the box and pulled the pieces out. A keyboard. A stand for the keyboard. And a really nice pair of headphones, even. The mood was surreal. I couldn’t believe this was given to me. I set it up immediately, hooked it up to my computer, and once again, just as naturally as if it had never stopped, played under the string lights in my bedroom. She on her computer wiping at her cheeks. Occasionally stealing glances and winking our red, wet eyes at each other. Broadening and expanding in tandem our unspoken language to each other. And I didn’t stop until the full and dark maturity of the night.

Thank you so much for your kindness. Happy holidays, Santa.

I've included a link to a little something I recorded that day. I hope you enjoy it.

And for posterity, some more music.