Joining me this week is Dixie Lynn Cartwright, a fabulously funny and sharp-tongued Chicago queen. We were both at the Sidetrack screening party last night – I was selling art, and she was hosting, so we both ended up missing parts of the actual episode. So... yeah.

Dixie: Are you ready to chat about the season finale of Criminal Minds? I have to admit, I wasn't caught up, but I stayed up all night long to catch up.

Chad: Ha! I'm ready to chat about the parts of the RPDR finale I actually saw.

Dixie: Girl. I just rewatched it. I NEVER get to watch the show when I'm working. And not just because of alcohol. Although, mostly.

Chad: Okay, so, all T all shade, I really loved the old reunions where the queens actually got to interact with or at each other. But I will say that I really enjoyed this one, too. I live for the dumb, scripted stuff, like the opening scene with the past winners, the clown, and Ru's phone call.

Dixie: Oh, agreed. I loved that they really spotlit the top 3, but I miss them talking to one another now that they've seen what they REALLY thought of each other.

Chad: Aside from the finalists, whose looks did you like tonight?

Dixie: I'm sure this won't be the popular answer because most of us forgot she was a person, but I think Laila looked amazing. Seriously, she's a little Adore Delano, but with more polish. I was into it. Robbie Turner was the white version of Beyonce's Lemonade dress. Cultural appropriation.

Chad: My nerdy side really dug Dax, whose outfit was an homage to "Asgardian Storm," and with that reference, I think I just lost all three readers of this blog.

Dixie: Oh, I'm a BIG fan of Dax's looks. I love her nerd thing. I mean, I don't get into comic book shit because I like my pictures without having to read, but damn. She looks good. Chi Chi grew on me so much that she could have come out in an expected black dress and I would have loved it...oh wait. Seriously, she looked GREAT.

Chad: Chi Chi looked weirdly different -- did she change her makeup or something?

Dixie: Her makeup has changed drastically, and it needed to. Someone else styled her wig, built her an outfit. What we saw was Chi Chi with TV money.

Chad: Ahhhh, yes, that's it. Good for her!

Dixie: Can we take a moment and honestly dissect Derrick's look. The dress. Cool. Britney. We get it. Flesh. Stones. Pop music circa 2002. Good year. But it's almost like she has lost her confidence as Britney. Girl, you tried to be a different queen. You're not. Go back to looking like Britney and wear your straight hair. I couldn't figure out why I was so turned off by her look until the interview, and then it hit me. At least a dozen cats had chewed on her wig before she walked out.

Chad: I LOVE CATS! What's wrong with that?

Dixie: If you were at Sidetrack at all during the season, then you're familiar with my completely one-sided love-hate relationship with Derrick. She made it on TV, so good for her. Thorgy made my heart happy. She's just so positive and fun and wonderful. I loved everything about her last night. Except the painted nails. Press-ons are buy 1 get 1 at Walgreens right now. Let's make it happen.

Chad: I love Thorgy. Absolutely. But I just couldn't visually process what was going on. Did I miss some clever reference? What was with the Twizzlers wig? The ugly green bodysuit?

Dixie: REALLY? I feel like that's been her all season. A lot to process, but she's having such a good time, who the fuck am I to judge?

Chad: I love her hippy urban eclecticism, but this was like a rejected extra from The Fifth Element.

Dixie: REJECTED EXTRA?! Chad! You are NOT holding back. I thought it was interesting and fun and weird. I was on board.

Chad: The thing is, I love Thorgy. I just.... I.... I have no words. Okay, let's get out of this strange alternate world where you're kind and generous and I'm the mean one.

Dixie: I LOVE it. I'm a human now. Okay. I need to know... You said last night that it's difficult to draw fishy queens or queens that don't have memorable looks...who do you NOT want to draw? Then we can leave this alternate reality.

Chad: Ha! Although they're both nice and talented and gorgeous, I don't really find myself itching to draw Naysha or Derrick. They're aspiring to a pop star level of beauty, which is TOTALLY fine. But it just doesn't fall within the realm of my limited artistic sensibility.