Stock plans are eligible for funds, yet not adult entertainers. Sex workers and anyone whose professional activities involve "prurient" products or content are ineligible for COVID-19-related loans for small businesses and the self-employed.

"Whorephobia is literally written into this covid19 relief," commented Jacq the Stripper on Twitter. "In a global pandemic, policy makers are actively making the world a worse place for sex workers and their families."

On the Small Business Administration (SBA) website, U.S. business owners employing fewer than 500 people, sole proprietors, and independent contractors "that are impacted by the Coronavirus" can now apply for the SBA's Economic Injury Disaster Loan Program. Small cooperatives, nonprofit organizations, and Employee Stock Ownership Plans are also eligible.

But SBA explicitly excludes a few categories of businesses and workers.

Some of these make sense: Applicants engaged in activity that's illegal under federal law are not eligible for assistance. Nor are certain agricultural enterprises, which are eligible for government funding in other forms. And members of Congress and state and local governments are also barred from SBA disaster-relief loans.

Yet some of the eligibility requirements reflect nothing more than prejudice, puritanism, and playing favorites. For instance, any entity that normally makes more than one-third of its gross annual revenue from legal gambling is excluded.

So is any applicant that presents "live performances of a prurient sexual nature," and anyone who "derive(s) directly or indirectly more than de minimis gross revenue through the sale of products or services, or the presentation of any depictions or displays, of a prurient sexual nature."

In this way, the government can make sure direct-service sex workers are still banned from COVID-19 relief loans, despite prostitution not being illegal under federal law.

They can also reject loan applications from independent workers in industries (like webcamming and porn) that are unquestionably legal across the country. And they can refuse loans to disfavored businesses, like strip clubs and sex toy shops, despite these perfectly legal businesses being forcibly shut down by state orders just the same as movie theaters, hair salons, and clothing boutiques have been.

"The goal of the assistance in the CARES act is to keep businesses intact," notes Forbes contributor Will Jeakle. "Another goal is to keep companies and their employees spending so that the structure of the economy can stay relatively stable for the snapback that should occur once the crisis is mitigated."

By denying disaster-relief loans to disfavored workers and businesses, however, authorities aren't merely trying to keep the "structure of the economy" relatively stable— they're seemingly designing a new, post-COVID-19 economy, without workers and businesses they don't like.

The only other condition barring someone from eligibility is being behind on child support payments. (Because, surely, being unemployed and banned from SBA loans will help put food in those kids' mouths! Oh, wait…)

The SBA disaster loan program is separate from the $1,200 COVID-19 relief checks that Congress approved last week for all Americans under a certain income bracket.

FREE MINDS

Will COVID-19 shake up conservatism? "A pandemic might not fundamentally affect world politics, but it does have the potential to shake up the Ideas Industry," writes Daniel Drezner at The Washington Post. "Simply put, viruses do not really care about sophistry."

FREE MARKETS

Yikes:

The Domestic Box office (movie theaters) brought in a whopping $5,179 for the week of Mar 20-26. Down 100% from $204,193,406 the same week a year ago… These numbers are just incredible. — Strider Elass (@StriderElass) March 31, 2020

COVID-19 IN THE STATES

Outbreaks intensify in Florida and Michigan. As of Tuesday, "32 states, Washington DC, and Puerto Rico were all in lockdown, with residents told to stay home except for essential workers or to go out for essential needs such as buying groceries or seeking medical attention," notes the Daily Mail.

Michigan is one of the latest states to be overwhelmed with a surge of COVID-19 cases. Florida is also seeing a huge spike. On Tuesday, Florida reported more than 1,000 new cases in 24 hours.

COVID-19 BEHIND BARS

BREAKING: The Federal Bureau of Prisons will quarantine incarcerated people in every institution in their cells for 14 days to decrease the spread of the coronavirus. "This modification…is based on health concerns, not disruptive inmate behavior." https://t.co/4A4rSZ1Bt6 pic.twitter.com/8qPSVHbBqy — The Appeal (@theappeal) April 1, 2020

Meanwhile, in D.C., the prison guard union is actually siding with prisoners for a change:

Wow! The DC DOC FOP is having a press conference tomorrow to announce their decision to participate in the @pdsdc @ACLU @ACLU_DC class action lawsuit against the DOC! pic.twitter.com/bEDHTikWKX — GodWontAddressStatutesAtJudgmentDay (@Jteisele) March 31, 2020

QUICK HITS

A New Jersey couple was charged with child endangerment for hosting a child's bat mitzvah at their house on Sunday.

After a federal judge issued a temporary block on Texas' abortion ban, an appeals court reinstated it:

BREAKING Texas's abortion ban is going back into effect. The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals just issued a temporary stay of last night's decision to block the ban from going into effect. Abortion will now be discontinued in Texas. Story coming… — Kate Smith (@byKateSmith) March 31, 2020

Republicans are becoming disenchanted by President Donald Trump's COVID-19 strategy.

State governors, contradicting Trump, say they are still woefully under-stocked on things like masks, tests, and ventilators. "You now literally will have a company call you up and say, 'Well, California just outbid you,'" said New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo at a press conference yesterday. "It's like being on eBay with 50 other states, bidding on a ventilator."

Another pastor, this one in Louisiana, has been arrested for holding church services in violation of a state order against large gatherings.

Dynamism in action: