So, lately I’ve been working more on commissions than on my own game. Why?

I’ve been having some troubles (code-related, of course), and I’ve kind of bumped into a wall, so I lost motivation to work on it because I’m afraid of wasting time trying to implement something, only to find that it doesn’t work and having to scrap everything, effectively going back to square one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not dropping the game or anything like that! It’s just that I find it hard to actually overcome the fear of failure and just get working. Since I haven’t really made a lot of progress since the first demo (visible progress that it) I’m not sure if I’m going to make it in time for Demo Day 21. I might scrap the features I’m having troubles with and move on to something else, but I’m honestly not sure.

I’m even considering giving up on the idea of making the game by myself, and collaborating with an actual programmer. Sure, this would solve all my problems. I could rest easy, focus on just making models, textures and animations while somebody more competent than me takes care of the code. But I feel, as silly as it may sound, that this would be like giving up in front of my problems instead of improving myself to overcome them. I like that my game is 100% mine, and that everything there was made by me. So in the end, I’m really not sure what to do. I have fun coding, I really do enjoy thinking up systems and implementing them, making things do things, but the truth is I’m not as good at it as I would like. It’s frustrating. I’ve definitely grown a lot compared to even a year ago, but I still bump into seemingly unclimbable walls every now and then.

Sorry for the literal blogpost.