Soldiers in tanks are paraded across Kim Il Sung Square during a military parade on April 15, 2017, in Pyongyang, North Korea, to celebrate the 105th birth anniversary of Kim Il Sung, the country’s late founder and grandfather of current ruler Kim Jong Un. (Wong Maye-E/AP Images)

If President Gilligan von SlaveTrade is to have his wishes of a grand military parade met, then the cost could range somewhere between $10 million and $30 million, according to the White House budget director.




Because this president is the grown-up version of the white kid in The Toy and doesn’t understand how any of this works, the cost of the proposed parade that the president is strongly considering wasn’t even included in the administration’s new budget. What was included in the budget was the dismantling of a college program for Washington, D.C., residents that allowed them to pay in-state tuition at any state school, and substantial cuts to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (also, shoutout to all the readers who included canned-meat photos in the comments to Tuesday’s story. I am humbled and haunted by this.)

According to the Associated Press, the cost depends on the length of the parade. In order to guesstimate how long the proposed parade would be, just see how long North Korea’s parade was and add 2 inches.


In order to pull off this dumb-ass parade that no one but the president seems to want, the administration would have to seek money from Congress or redirect existing funds allotted to another program—like, say, Medicaid.