Unless someone like OHSpurs photoshops a whole awful lot, the articles aren't as funny. They're not.

Do you like losing to West Ham?

I do not like it, Big Sam.

I do not like losing to West Ham.

Would you like it home or away?

I do not like it here or there.

I do not like it anywhere.

I do not like it, Big Sam.

I do not like losing to West Ham.

Would you lose to them in a cup final?

Would you prefer losing with Chas and Dave on vinyl?

I do not like losing in a final.

I do not like losing while listening to viynl.

I do not like losing to them anywhere.

I do not like losing to West Ham

I do not like it, Big Sam.

Would you lose only twice a year?

Even if you had all the beer?

Not three times a year.

Not once a year.

Not even with all the beer.

I do not like to lose to West Ham.

I do not like it anywhere.

I do not like it, Big Sam.

Would you? Could you? On Sky Sports?

Do it! Narrative! It'll entertain all sorts!

I would not, could not, on Sky Sports.

You will do it! You will see!

You will make Neil Ashton very happy!

I will not, cannot lose more than three.

Not for Neil Ashton, let me be.

I do not like it three times a year.

I do not like it with all the beer.

I do not like it home or away.

I do not like it on any day.

I do not like losing to West Ham.

I do not like it, Big Sam.

A firm! A firm!

A firm! A firm!

Could you, would you, lose under threat from a firm?

No I never could!

Not even if I was threatened by Elijah Wood!

I do not like it threatened by thugs.

I do not like it surrounded by mugs.

I do not like it three times a year.

I do not like it with all the beer.

I do not like it home or away.

I do not like it on any day.

I do not losing to West Ham.

I do not like it, Big Sam.

Say! How about on your first fixture?

Would you, could you, in your first fixture?

I will not, cannot, put that in the picture.

Would you, could you, in the rain?

I do not like it threatened in the rain.

I do not like it there's too much pain.

I do not like it three times a year.

I do not like it with all the beer.

I do not like it home or away.

I do not like it on any day.

I do not like losing to West Ham.

I do not like it, Big Sam.

You do not like losing to West Ham?

I do not like it, Big Sam.

Could you, would you,

with Kevin Nolan?

I will not, I can not,

with Kevin Nolan.

Will you, can you,

with Carlton Cole?

I do not, cannot,

believe he can find the goal.

Would you, could you,

in the Olympic Stadium?

I will not, could not,

play in that empty gymnasium.

I will not lose to them here or there.

I will not lose to long balls in the air!

I will not lose surrounded by thugs!

I will not lose chanted at by mugs!

I will not lose to them with all the beer!

I will not lose them another time this year!

I do not like losing to West Ham.

I do not like it, Big Sam.

You do not like it, so you say!

Try it! Try it! And you may!

Try it and you may, I say.

Sam! If you will let me be,

I will try it. You will see.

Say! I already did it three times last year, man!

Screw it, Lamela is going to put three past Adrian!

So I will beat West Ham without dear ol' Harry.

I will beat them with a late goal by Paul Stalteri.

I will beat them while listening to vinyl.

I will beat them in their cup final.

I will beat West Ham here and there.

I will beat them ANYWHERE.