Last night they announced that Idris Elba is the sexiest man alive. Unlike last year, this is pretty cut and dry. I see why they’d pick him. And there is really not that much to say about it except that you should watch Luther if you’ve already.

Also. I would give anything to look 1/10 as cool as Idris Elba.

But what would be more fun, would be to revisit my article from last year making fun of Blake Shelton

So here it is

I was looking at Twitter last night and I noticed that Blake Shelton was trending.

I thought for sure that it was either her went on some unhinged racist rant, or that there sexual assault allegations against him. I was far more surprised what I did read.

Blake Shelton has been selected as People’s Sexiest Man of 2017. I read it twice to make sure I read it right.

I realize that this is not my area of expertise but this was a little out of left field.

I guess Blake Shelton is okay. I mean he’s probably not even the best looking guy on his own show. He’s funny in a way, and he has the “awww shucks” country boy charm. I guess I could see him being Realtree Camo’s Guy of the Week or something. But, sexiest man alive? I don’t really see it.

It doesn’t help that there’s plenty to make fun of. He used to have a mullet (although I grew up playing hockey so having a mullet isn’t that big a deal to me.) He divorced a woman whose most famous song is about shooting guy who cheated on her and lighting him on fire. That probably wasn’t too smart either. He’s with Gwen Stefani. She’s seems kind of awful. Also, I don’t think she can sing that well. Although, she is the only reason I can spell bananas. So that’s something.

Just look at that picture above.

It’s most flattering one I could find. He’s kind of a chucklehead. Seriously, I could believe Appaloosa State County Fair Jamboree Corndog King, but joining a club with the likes of Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, The Rock, and I just realized I know far too much about People’s Sexiest Man Alive lists.

I mean I pasted this into Grammarly, because I’m dumb and can’t spell and even Grammarly was like “Are you sure you meant to type ‘Blake Shelton?”

Down is Up. Up is Down. The columns of fire are coming people. Fire and brimstone stuff. The end of times are coming.

I have no idea what’s going anymore on anymore.

Other possible titles that would make far more sense:

Bass Pro Shops Handsomest Angler Award Redneck Monthly’s Reddest Neck Award Blake Shelton Wins Kodiak’s Golden Tin for being best Chew Chewer

Also, I realize that I don’t know anything about what makes guys attractive. But I don’t anything about baseball but that doesn’t stop me from doing fantasy baseball lists.

So here I go.

My List:

Jason Momoa

Mahershala Ali

Chris Evans w/beard

Idris Elba (I swear to God I wrote this list last year)

Chris Evans w/o beard

Still can’t believe it.

Editor’s Note: I can’t believe there’s such a staggering difference between pictures of Blake Shelton in color as opposed to black and white. In black and white, he’s looks pretty suave, but pretty dumb in color. I went with a color photo because it fits my point more.