A few weeks ago I was browsing the internet, as anyone would, and came across a condition called aphantasia — where one doesn’t possess the ability to visualise imagery. Those with this condition are called non-visualisers.

While reading about these people who were unable to see through their mind’s eye, I had one of those ‘aha’ moments. I’m one of them. I’m one of those people who have no visual imagination.

For as long as I can remember, I haven’t the ability to visualize imagery. Like others with aphantasia, I thought I was normal. In fact, it’s such an invisible condition that almost everyone who has it doesn’t even realize there’s anything different about them.

🛋️ Seeking comfort

After finding out about aphantasia, I immediately looked for others who were non-visualisers. I found that approximately 2% of the population have this condition — meaning that it’s not really all that uncommon.

Amongst us with aphantasia, there are certainly some similar experiences. Like myself, others also didn’t know that we were different until we accidentally stumbled across it.

We thought that ‘counting sheep’ to help with sleep was a joke. After asking my friends, it shocked me to find out not only could all of them visualise sheep but some of them visualised the sheep jumping over a fence to count them.

I can’t even see the outline of a sheep.

I also asked my friends to try and visualise an apple and explained that all I saw was pitch black. They were shocked that I was unable to visualise anything — some even thinking that it was a joke.

I, on the other hand, thought that it was a joke that others were able to visualise any imagery at all.

👽 Making sense of my life

Despite the shortcomings of aphantasia, everything in my life suddenly made sense.

It finally made sense why guided meditations told me to visualise myself in a setting. It finally made sense why I can talk about whatever topic I want while eating but a mention of poop will ruin a meal for others. It finally made sense why I was so terrible at English in primary school where comprehension included lots of visual imagery.

Reading fiction is hard

As a kid, I hated reading. I would pretend to read just so my parents would be happy and think I was learning but it was impossible for me. Unbeknownst to me, there were others that experienced the same thing. In fact, this was a common theme between non-visualisers.

I didn’t know that when everyone else was reading, they had pictures going on in their head.

We can read fiction though. We can still read books with good character and plot development even though we will struggle to get past scenes with visual descriptions and are pretty much forced to skip them.

Funnily enough, I love reading now — although I read non-fiction almost exclusively.

🤯 Completely different network of brain activity

Right now, there isn’t a lot of research on aphantasia. There’s no known cause for it but there are some who have become non-visualisers due to trauma. Personally, I’ve never been able to visualise.

There is one theory that does make sense to me albeit its lack of rigid definition.

Current theories propose that when we imagine something, we try to reactivate the same pattern of activity in our brain as when we saw the image before. The better we are at this, the better our visual imagery is. It may be that people with aphantasia are not able to activate these patterns enough to see mental images, or they may use a completely different network of brain activity to imagine. — Dr. Rebecca Keogh

I like the theory that we use a completely different network of brain activity to imagine not only because it brings a positive perspective to the darkness (pun intended) that is aphantasia, but also because it makes sense.

Non-visual imagination

Like other non-visualisers, I still have an imagination. In fact, I can still imagine the faces of my friends. Not visually, but if I was asked to describe what one of them looked like, I would be able to give an accurate description of them. I just can’t see them.

My imagination works analogously to being in a familiar room with the lights turned off. I’m still able to know where all my furniture is — I just can’t see it.

Since not having a visual imagination hasn’t inhibited us enough for most of us to even notice, I like to think we overdeveloped other ways of imagining to function in this world.

I’ve noticed for a long that time I have a stronger internal monologue than others. Perhaps it’s my brain using other networks to make up the empty space in my mind because I can’t create imagery.

⏩ Moving forward

Although finding out I have aphantasia has brought me relief and understanding to experiences I’ve had, I can’t say it’s all been blue skies and sunshine. It’s been sad at times when I wonder what I’ve been missing out on.

I’ve chosen to take the stoic approach and accept what I have and do the best I can. Although I would love to visualise imagery, I haven’t heard of any cases of anyone curing their aphantasia.

At the end of the day, non-visualisers have a different way of thinking. Just like those with other psychological deviations, non-visualisers are able to solve problems in a different way from others.

One thing non-visualisers should be grateful for is the fact that it was so invisible that most of us didn’t even notice. I got through the entire education process without knowing. That’s how little it impacted me, and I’m grateful for that.

What brings me hope is the fact that many non-visualisers are artists. As a writer myself, it’s nice to get a little validation that I’m still able to be creative. I guess I’m just going to have to keep writing.