Everybody hurry up and read this blockquote so I can start making Fast & Furious references.

Police in Louisiana say a chase after a stolen Pontiac Grand Prix ended with a forced spin-out and the arrest of a man who said he took the car because he had to get home and to a second audition for the Fox reality show “The X Factor.” Detective Daniel Seuzeneau (SOO-zuh-noh) says 20-year-old Orrion Wilson, of Jacksonville, Fla., was in the Slidell jail Tuesday, awaiting transfer to another jail and a bond hearing. The chase was Monday night, one day after open auditions for the singing contest in New Orleans. Slidell is across Lake Pontchartrain from New Orleans. [NPR]

Transferring jails? Transferring jails?! YOU FOOLS.

Look, I’ve seen all the movies in the Fast & Furious franchise enough to know two things to an absolute certainty: First of all, if you try to transfer a prisoner who was arrested for stealing a car and leading police on a high-speed chase, all of his friends will work together to spring him en route, and Perd Hapley from Parks & Rec will show up to cover it. Did you not see Fast 5? This is Day 1 stuff, people. You have to keep criminals like this in a secure cell in a maximum security prison. Sure, they’ll still get broken out when Vin Diesel drives a tank through the side of the prison and Tyrese zips through opening on a hovercraft and spirits him away across a lake while the bumbling guards stand at the shore scratching their heads, but at least then they earned it, you know?

And second of all, Ludacris should be in more movies.