Let's see ... which one of these guys can I blame?

In a showcase of Republican class, responsibility, and ethical behavior a former clerk for Antonin Scalia has produced an alternate theory of the sexual assault on Dr. Christine Blasey Ford; one that suggests she mistook someone else for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. That proposal includes naming a middle school teacher as Ford’s attacker, providing photos of this man, maps to the man’s home, and even floor plans of his house. And it’s clear that all this is completely fair, because the author of this theory and the person pushing a man off a cliff in an effort to save Kavanaugh, is Ed Whelan—the president of the conservative Ethics and Public Policy Center.

In a string of tweets Whelan maps out the childhood homes of Dr. Ford and her classmates, produces a picture of a house that’s nearby, then the floor plan of that house, then pictures that are apparently from inside the house. Whelan proceeds with a forensic review of Dr. Ford’s movements. She went here! (complete with map) and no one could see her from here! (more map). All of this in a house that isn’t mentioned in Ford’s statement that belongs to someone who also wasn’t mentioned in the story.

Why is Whelan providing a guided tour of what appears to be a nice four bedroom colonial in Chevy Chase? Because it belonged to … another man who went to Georgetown Prep along with Brett Kavanaugh. And Whelan names this man. He then provides side by side photos of this man and Brett Kavanaugh in their high school graduation photos. Photos in which they are both wearing suits and both have hair and are nearly indistinguishable so long as no one looks at their faces. Photos have been treated to a old tyme sepia tone treatment and a heavy dose of blur, because as everyone knows, in the distant past of 1983 images could only be recorded with tintypes and stone carvings. Whelan also provides a single 2012 comment on a Mike Judge Facebook post as proof that Judge, who actually appears in Ford’s statement, and this other man were big pals.

In a stirring conclusion, Whelan suggests that if the gathering was at the other man’s home, and this other man was the host of the gathering, then it’s only natural that he was the one who pulled Blasey Ford into a “private area” and attacked her. That’s it. That’s all the evidence. Reminder: This is the president of the Ethics and Public Policy Center accusing someone who is now a middle school teacher who had not previously been mentioned of sexual assault. Because that’s how ethics work on the right.

It took Dr. Ford about ten seconds to reply that she knew both men in high school, socialized with both, and “There is zero chance that I would confuse them.”