"If you are company means you are not responsible for anything, everything is somebody else’s fault."

Respected Sir/Madam,

I have some good news for you. From today onwards I am no longer Mr. Mathrubootham. That chapter in my life is closed. Time for a new chapter. I have decided to register myself as a company. And that company is Mathrubootham Corporation of India. Registered office Anna Nagar, Chennai. You have some problem with this? Please contact customer service department.

This morning I went to nearby supermarket to buy food items. Salesman carefully put all the items in the bag and then said total is ₹374. I took out my debit card and gave it to him. He took the card, put it in the machine, and did usual yogasana of holding payment machine outside shop window for getting internet signal.

I said young man what nonsense kathakali is this? Like Kishore Kumar in saamne waali khidki film. You call the mobile phone company and tell them to give more signal in the shop. He said uncle what can I do? I told him, go and call your father uncle, bloody fool. Your head is full of dye and you are calling me uncle?

He said Mr. Mathrubootham what can I do. One thousand times I called the mobile phone company and they are always saying we are sending engineer, we are sending engineer, we are sending engineer. Not even one single mannaankatti is coming. Did you call customer service department I asked?

He just looked at my face and laughed like villain in Alif Laila.

Then after half an hour I went back home empty-handed because debit card machine total failure. I thought ok fine, let me watch some cable TV programmes for timepass until Mrs. Mathrubootham comes back from Housing Colony Ladies Association General Body Meeting (Below 65 Years Division).

Sir/ Madam, how many channels are possible on my TV? 200. How many channels I am supposed to get on my cable TV receiver? 180. How many channels I got when I came home. One big zero. Not a single channel was coming. Only pish-pish sound.

Immediately I picked up the phone and called helpline. Excuse me, my TV is photo frame. Some picture will come or no? They said thank you sir for your enquiry, your enquiry is important to us, for further assistance please give us details including full name, date of birth, full address, Aadhaar number, PAN Card number, telephone number, mobile phone number, population of Armenia, weight of moon in ounce, if one train is leaving Erode station at 8 p.m. and another train in Dindigul at 9 p.m., at what time you will lose all dignity and cut the phone? Finally after 20 minutes one lady said sorry for the disturbance but you are not getting signal because of a signal failure in Ambattur area.

You are saying that I am having signal problem because you are having signal problem? Exactly Mr. Mathrubootham, she said. I said madam thank you for your wisdom, will you send it directly to government for including in next edition of Tirukkural or should I send? Nonsense.

Sir/ Madam, at that moment itself I decided that enough is enough. Why human beings should suffer like this if companies can do whatever nonsense and give stupid reasons? If you are company means you are not responsible for anything, everything is somebody else’s fault. Why only Mathrubootham should behave properly? At that moment, Mathrubootham Corporation of India was started.

When Mrs. Mathrubootham came immediately she started shouting. Old man you went to shop? Where is the banana and bread? I said, Mrs. Mathrubootham your feedback is important to Mathrubootham Corporation of India, but banana and bread is unavailable due to delay in incoming banana and bread.

Fine. Did you at least go to post office or forgot? I said dear customer we are sorry to have let you down at this instance, rest assured we are investigating this failure and will improve our internal systems.

Ok fine, said Mrs. Mathrubootham, I am going to have lunch. You can eat in Mathrubootham Corporation of India staff canteen. Please come back, I said, your business is important to us. But she locked the kitchen door.

Yours in limited liability,

J. Mathrubootham