A WOMAN who works long hours, never sees her friends and worries about her job constantly thinks she is doing very well at life, she has confirmed.

Francesca Johnson works as an area sales manager for a high street fashion brand, a job she takes incredibly seriously despite the fact that it doesn’t really matter and one day she will be dead.

Johnson said: “I get up at 5.30am and go to the gym, then eat a yoghurt at my desk whilst stressing out pointlessly over the latest sales figures for two-tone belted midi dresses.

“After that I look at spreadsheets and drink a shitload of coffee until I’ve got a splitting headache. I get home about 8.30pm, eat some Super Noodles because I’m too knackered to cook and then spend a few minutes checking Facebook before bed.

“There are always loads of pictures of my friends out enjoying themselves, but they can’t be achieving much if they’ve got all that time for just dicking about.

“I expect I’ll die early from a stress-induced heart attack but that will just prove how incredibly demanding and important my life has been.”