I know a lot of women in recovery, in my real life and social media social circles, and through the recovery program I run. They aren’t drinking themselves numb because they are awash in oh-so-much power, or because of some pathological inability to follow rules or humble themselves, or because their outsize egos are running the show, as A.A.’s messaging would suggest. Quite the opposite: They’re drinking because they have so little power, because all they’ve ever done is follow the rules and humble themselves, because their egos have been crushed under a system that reduces their value to subservience, likability and silence.

When I entered recovery, I didn’t need to do a searching inventory to catalog all of my character defects. They had been played back to me my entire life by almost everyone around me. I was highly aware of the parts of me that were wrong, unruly and messy — those things that made me unlovable, or worse, unladylike. Ever since I could remember, I’d asked God to take those parts away. I drank to feel a sense of wholeness that had been conditioned out of me by society, to combat a powerlessness that was my birthright as a woman.

Submitting to the rules of A.A. was the last thing I needed. Instead, I tapped into a combination of existing approaches to recovery. I focused on developing self-trust, agency, compassion, self-nurturing and a reclamation of the agency I’d given up.

The antidote to my drinking problem was learning it was safe to trust myself, developing a sense of confidence and rejecting the humility women are conditioned to embrace. I also turned a critical eye on the society that helped make me sick in the first place.

In other words, the antidote to my drinking problem looked a lot like feminism.

To be sure, A.A. works for many people, including many women, and has saved millions of lives. I don’t want to see it dismantled or discourage anyone from trying it out — I simply want more people to recognize it’s not for all. There are many other evidence-based options available now — from medically assisted treatments to cognitive behavioral therapy to the emerging use of psychedelics including psilocybin. For most of the people I know who have found success in recovery, it isn’t just one but a combination of treatments that ultimately works.

Women are the fastest-growing demographic becoming dependent on alcohol, which means we’re on our way to being a majority of participants of recovery programs. There’s no question that we need help. But we don’t need to give up our power.