MODERATE UK politicians are bewildered that the clueless, moronic, and bigoted general public, especially those in the godforsaken North, do not support them and their careers.

Labour campaigner Tom Logan is mystified that his widely-distributed pamphlet ‘We Wear Suits And Know What’s Best For You So Do As You’re Told’ has failed to woo voters in the Labour heartlands.

Logan said: “Lord knows we do our best for these people, as much as possible when you’re living in the real world created by Margaret Thatcher.

“We’ve pledged to be ‘on their side’, ‘hear their concerns’ and ‘bring aspiration back to schools’ and yet we’re met with apathy by the very people who should be voting for us in droves because they always used to.”

He added: “I see these people on the doorstep every day and I say the same thing over and over to them: ‘Are you thick, or what?’”