by The Dependent , (Last Updated May 19, 2018)

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Kohsar Market, located in sector F-6/3, Islamabad has the highest Marxists-Per-Capita (MPC) ratio in the country.

The Economic Survey of Pakistan revealed that the upscale market frequented by diplomats and aid workers from western countries, as well as affluent Islamabadis, has the highest number of communists per one thousand people in any sample set of the country.

“Well, I didn’t know this,” said Rafay Hassan, currently unemployed recently returned Fulbright scholar who just completed his Masters in Lesbian Dance Theory at Columbia University, New York.

“I thought I was the only one here….”

“Well, the Immutable Forces of the Material Dialectic have brought me right here, sipping this Frappuccino,” said Faiza Cheema, Assistant Program Manager at Care for Cuties, an anti beauty-shaming initiative funded by the Sarah Lawrence Centre for International Development.

“I couldn’t have changed this even if I tried, just the way the bourgeois and elite cannot prevent the upcoming dictatorship of the proletariat.”

“What do we want? Equality. What else do we want? A decent espresso. When do we want it? Now, please, it’s been 10 minutes already, don’t make me call your manager,” said Ali Bhatti, another doctoral candidate at Syracuse University, whose thesis brings him back for field studies in Pakistan.