You look around at the dilapidated building in front of you. It looks like every creepy horror sci-fi movies’s origin, complete with ruined walls, broken lab apparatuses and untouched test tubes filled with various liquids. From somewhere in the darkness, you hear movement. Before you can react, a giant metal arm has you pinned against the wall.

Going somewhere? You summoners are all the same, and don’t think twice before falling into my trap. Who else could catch your kind so easily but I, Mecha Kha’Zix! You may be wondering, why would I want to catch summoners? Don’t I have better things to do? It is part of my ingenious plan to turn my self from the ultimate prey, into the ultimate hunter. I plan to kill that infernal beast Rengar, and turn the hunter into the hunted. I can see you squirming like the flesh bag you are, so I’ll tell you my plan. I am tired of being sold like some 675 RP slave to you fools, only to serve your own personal interests. That’s why I plan to steal YOUR power and upgrade myself. Why don’t I show you my… collection.

Over here, I have trapped Iron Solari Leona, a powerful being indeed. It is said that she radiates the power of the sun, and that her armor is as strong as her unbreakable willpower. I intend to absorb that power to strengthen myself and become stronger than you summoners can possibly imagine. With her armor, I will craft an unbreakable metal shield to thwart all attacks. With her sun power, I will create a battery power strong enough to sustain my newfound powers. To think that I acquired her powers for a pittance of 487 RP, it’s almost unthinkable.

The show continues with Bird of Prey Anivia. Her strong command of the ice elements has long been a bastion of power for the Freljord and their allies. Her power as an ice elemental drove many into their homes for fear of frozen death. Her power will now be used for my own purposes. With my new armor, I can manipulate the howling blizzards to mask my approach and better hunt my targets. With Anivia’s power, I will decimate my foes with extreme precision and stealth, leaving no place safe from my keen sensors. It’s a shame you summoners only value her power at a price of 260 RP.

Ah, I see your eyes wandering towards some of my other… guests. Zyra actually here of her own volition. She knows what I am capable of and wants a share of the power. Sharing our talents between the two of us, we have now created the ultimate hunting grounds. With Zyra’s power, we have corrupted the jungles of Summoner’s Rift. The trees now fight for us, and even the bushes that line the battlefield are ready to root and strangle our enemies. Even summoners that payed her cheap 487 RP price will soon find themselves snared within our brilliant trap.

Caitlyn has also offered her services to help secure my victory with her sharpshooting skills. Before this, she was renowned for her keen eye and great aim. With my upgrades, her new aiming system can target foes from across the rift, and my augmented gyroscopic sensors allow her unparalleled stability in her aim. When the havoc starts in the Rift, Caitlyn will pick off our enemies from great distance to destroy resistance. Hiring her for a measly 440 RP is ludicrous for the amount of damage she will cause.

My last partner is crime is Tryndamere, a fighter with no equal. I found him wandering the tavern, drinking away his problems when i presented him with an upgrade. Tampering with his seretonnin production cells, I have made him utterly invincible. His rage is now unsubsidable unless you inject him with enough seretonin and tranquilizer to fell a bull elephant. His strength will make it impossible for the enemy to attack the back line, and provide a distraction for me to assassinate specific targets. To think that you fools would sell his contract for 292 RP is madness.

As I will not let you leave to sound the alarm, you have the unique gift of watching us prepare for the hostile takeover. Since our preparations only will last from July 9th to July 12th, I would start writing your will rather quickly.