'May I help you, sir?”

“I’m looking for a crisis.”

“Certainly, sir. We have a wide range. The existential crisis is the very latest thing. It’s a state-of-the art, all-singing-all-dancing crisis and is proving to be most popular.”

“Yes, but what does an existential crisis actually do?”

“It captures the attention. It’s high-powered and grave, yet easy to handle. It’s usually linked with large issues, like the state of the EU or the Labour Party. We find it has actually overtaken the global threat in terms of popularity. You see many more existential crises in everyday use. We also do a very good existential angst for the discerning alarmist.”

“I’m not sure I’m really ready for one of those.”