What? How is that possible? Well - because I'm 29 years old and, for the first time, I'm going to be COOKING LIKE A MAN!

First off, great note! I'm now excited to hop back in the kitchen. I actually got three un-fucking-believable "how to" guides for cooking the shit out of some masculine food.

"The Connoisseur's Guide to Meat" - well, hell, life isn't hotdogs and hamburgers anymore is it? Time for me to head out, kill a cow with my bare hands, and simultaneously impregnate one woman for each cut of meat I procure from said animal.

"The Butch Bakery Cookboow" - Oh, yeah, you baked cupcakes? How cute. HOLD ON A MINUTE! Just read the description from a review. "The Butch Bakery does cupcakes like nobody else. You can forget the pretty sparkles and the flowers on top, forget the pastel cupcakes for Easter or Halloween. These aren't cupcakes for little kids, but grown-up cupcakes full of contemporary, inventive flavors—like bacon, whiskey, coffee, and cayenne pepper."

"Fix-It and Forget-It Recipies for Entertaining" - You know with my new found testicles I'll be running around all day chopping down trees, creating children to be born in single family households, and being the new spokesperson for Old Spice (that's right Terry Crews - better hope they make an Expendables 3) I'll have no time to cook. Time to fix it, forget it, and enjoy the crap out of it when I get home.

Honestly though, I was purposefully vague because I don't cook enough as it is and so I wanted anything new and different that would get me back to making my own food again. (Goodbye Healthy Choice meals). Not only did my secret santa deliver - but he delivered THREE TIMES. Thank you very, very, very much.