Oooh myyy! How delicious was last night’s episode!? We were treated to an appetizer of the Brazilian Dragon herself, Abi-Maria in full-on Shade mode…with a main course of Mama Varner taking this game by the throat!

We have a TON of great content for you this week that we can’t wait to get to!

(TONS of Shade coming honey!)

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Alright then…we figured since we throw out so much shade here at SurvivorShade that we should do our due diligence and provide the official definition of shade:

Real shade: Schadenfreude (/ˈʃɑːdənfrɔɪdᵊ/; German: [ˈʃaːdn̩ˌfʁɔʏdə]), also known as epicaricacy /ˌɛpɨˈkærɨkəsi/ is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.[1] This word is taken from German and literally means “harm-joy”. It is the feeling of joy or pleasure when one sees another fail or suffer misfortune. It is also borrowed by some other languages. An English term of similar meaning (but with no noun equivalent) is “to gloat”; which means to feel, or express, great, often malicious, pleasure, or self-satisfaction, at one’s own success, or at another’s failure.

Yes…it IS isn’t it!? Alright, no more beating around the bush (ha!) let’s get to it!

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Just a reminder who our SurvivorShade contributors are:

Coby Archa The fabulous skirt-wearing physical beast of Survivor Palau (S10)

John Carroll the infamous leader of the Rotu Four alliance, who dominated the game…and subsequently was voted out because the people on the bottom banded together to vote him out on Survivor Marquesas (S4).

Brice Johnston who immortalized the words “Dot Dot Hmm!” at Tribal Council when he knew his Beauty tribe, in Survivor Cagayan: Brains, Brawn, and Beauty (S28) were about to vote him out…but were beating around the bush about it.

AND!!! We are SUUUUPER Excited to announce our Special Guest Contributor this week!

Also from Survivor Marquesas, she was the runner up of the season losing in a 4-3 vote with the deciding vote being cast by her buddy John Carroll…

we are proud to have Neleh Dennis with us to share her shade!

It’s gonna be great y’all!!!

But first! Just a reminder that there WILL be spoilers for last night’s episode below

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Alright alright, enough of this…let’s get to the SHADE!



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1. Immediate gut reaction to Shirin getting the boot!?

Coby: Sad but saw it coming. Last week I Shaded she was awesome BUT… And this is a big but…she came straight off of her VERY emotional season and I was worried. I knew she would do great or bomb, sadly it was #TNTShirin

John: I have to say I was caught off guard. I was thinking it was Abi based off of Bracelet-Gate. Instead, we were treated to a huge Abi-tantrum. She picked fights all day ON PURPOSE and then, as Woo says, has the audacity to… oh, who cares. Woo used audacity in a sentence and I had to rewind it to make sure he was not referencing a gnarly wave. I love words like gnarly and gnu. They just look weird. How one goes from Woo to gnu to wildebeest is really strange. Anyway, I digress, in the end, Evil Abi is freaking fantastic. Evil Abi literally has NO game. Her only game is to hang out, bite Varner in the ass and pick on Peih-Gee. And I, as a viewer, LOVE it!

Time for my MasterCard Sendoff

Valium for Abi Maria: $29

New Sleeves for Jeff Varner: $62

Digging your own grave: Priceless

Brice: I was still so confused at how Spencer and Shirin went from the top of the pack to the bottom so quickly. However, I knew once it was Spence Vs Shirin that Spencer would probably be victorious only because Spencer could offer the tribe more in physical Challenges. Shrin said it herself she was her own down fall. When she was spilling tea about Abi to Peih-Gee and Abi went gangsta and walked up on them like an OG, I felt like Shirin should have done more damage control to keep Abi happy. I was sad to see Shirin go! I wanted to see how her social games would have played out

Neleh: My immediate reaction was “Why the crap didn’t they take out Spencer!” As much as I like him as a player and fan of the game, he is DANGEROUS! He is capable of doing anything and you know when we Survivors get desperate we can change the game Just. Like. That! Regardless of how they may “need him for challenges” we all know now that Survivor switches things up on a moment’s notice and your safety nets are GONE. Look out for long term here, people. Big mistake last night in my opinion. Spencer is brilliant and I think he will be able to manipulate this game and get in players’ heads. I’m worried for Varner now FOR SURE. Spencer is a much bigger threat to their game and Shirin would have been easy to let go at any other time. Splitting the two up was a good move, just picked the wrong one to go. Costly. Ouch!

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2. Why is Fishbach hating on all the meet-cute stories!? I mean, Savage first met his wife when he had stacks of Playboys on his desk…it doesn’t GET more romantic than that right?

(Here’s a story…about a lovely lady…) (Who caught Savage with some Playboys on his desk…)

(Who would’ve thought that one day they’d be a family…that’s the way they all became the Savage bunch…The Savage Bunch…)

(Stephen could care less about love stories…and more about his Preeeciousssss)

Coby: I know right? The sweetest story ever told… Over porn. Fishbach is just saying whatever everyone else is playing. Savage wants people to think he is Tom Westman so he SAYS things the general audience would find enduring. But I am no dummy Andrew you are out to play… Saw a crack… And rammed something in it.

John: Well, the story of the Playboys reminded me of the time I convinced someone to buy me a Playgirl and pretended it was for my sister’s bachelorette party. I was 18. My sister was 12. Well, I didn’t get to read any of the articles. My neighbor found it and told everyone in the neighborhood that I had it. It was horrifying. To this day, if I even get next to an International Male Catalog or a JC Penny underwear catalog, I get the hives and start dry heaving. Also, hearing the word Playboy reminded me of my time as a Playboy Rabbit at the Omaha Playboy Club. My Rabbit name was, Keaton. Trucker wives LOVED me. I got extra tips for rubbing their bunions. So, long story short, any magazine with the word Play in it gives me the sads. I probably would have pulled a Fishbach and turned off my ability to read the hut which by the time Andrew got done with a story was pretty much a Nicholas Sparks novel without the Alzheimer’s. I, too, would have closed down my empathy meter and traded it in for an E-Meter and sent my Thetans off to the jungle to look for an immunity idol.

Brice: Child, when Savage was telling his story I was thinking like where the hell is he going with this and why does this sound like the set-up of a 80’s porn? lol. I was just very confused with Savage’s story telling methods

Neleh: So I totally get it. Missing your family, sharing stories, loving your spouse. I am in love with Kris and I would be thinking about him all the time. When you are stripped of your loved ones and on that island it messed with you. I can see why everyone would be emotional thinking about their family. Andrew’s display of emotion for his wife left everyone in tears. Kudos to him for pulling the heart strings of the tribe. They now have more loyalty to him, viewing him as a loyal player. There could have been strategy behind it or maybe they are creating a Love tribe similar to our ROTU tribe in Marquesas. Makes sense. They don’t have to vote anyone out yet so they have more time to bond. When I heard Andrew talk about the “stacks of playboys” on his desk, that ruined it for me. Love story sank. Don’t get why when your talking about your beautiful wife, that had to be thrown in there. As if he had all the pickings in the world with models falling in his lap. Blah. The Fish was not biting. Now Jeremy’s story. I liked that. I love how he adores his wife. That is what I like to see. It’s real and raw and not on display. As far as Fishbach? He didn’t care for his story. It’s game time. Not love tribe time. Move along and play the game? He could have been involved in the sensitivity for the sake of fitting in. Especially since he clearly feels disconnected. Fake it till you make it, right?

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3. Peih-Gee vs Abi Maria…Survivor Cat Fights after dark…who wins!?

(Ok, soooo basically Peih-Gee complains about Abi to Shirin…Abi overhears comes up and stars ‘ish because she is STILL not over BraceletGate…Abi then tells Peih-Gee to stand on her shoes for SOME reason…then they separate and Peih-Gee goes back to the Mean Girls club and disses on Abi some more)

Coby: Well you KNOW I love a good underdog (as John C said I named my daughter after a quitter) so to see Abi flounder was sad. She caught those two girls red handed and they didn’t handle it well. All of them laughing at her reminded me too much of Palau and I could be, shockingly, Team Abi all the way!

John: Are you kidding me!? Peih-Gee may think that she is a dragon lady. Evil Abi knows she is a dragon lady. Evil Abi was on track to destroy Peih-Gee’s game starting with allegedly planting that God-awful bracelet in Peih-Gee’s bag. When I was little, I used to love Greek mythology and was enthralled with Medusa and her snakes. If you want to know what Medusa looks like without her snakes, just watch this episode. I found myself avoiding all eye contact with Evil Abi for fear that I would turn to stone in my kitchen while scratching my.. well, you get the picture. Not a pretty sight.

Brice: Before we start we need a baby pool with red Jello. Now, with that being said I think the first couple of rounds might go to my girl Peih-Gee but once the score cards are counted up, Abi Maria would be our winner for the first annual Survivor Jello Street fight.

Neleh: Is this really a question?? Umm.. Abi would lay the smack down! That girl’s face is steel and she is venomous! I was glad Peih-Gee did not back down last night but Abi could take her in a heart beat. I was baffled by the giggling girls in the shelter. It’s a game! It must be played! Playing on a member of YOUR alliances emotions, especially volatile Abi was NOT good. She flipped just like that. Players like her who play strictly off emotions will flip every time. Kudos to Terry! I really like that guy and he is playing a great social game. Here’s the thing… You can only act like someone you aren’t for about three days out there. The elements, hunger, sleep deprivation will show your true colors every time. I knew KNEW Abi was a ticking time bomb and what do you know?… Boom, she “wants” to be different but she can’t. Shirin apologized way too late, missed that cotteling moment and Abi just loved the power of throwing a “screw you” in her face. Revenge!! As a viewer this is good Juice!!

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4. How great did Mama Varner look in that Sepia tone!?

(Basically…Mama Varner does damage control with Abi…looks GORGEOUS in Sepia tone…and gets turned on by the Brazilian Dragon’s chaos)

Coby: What was up with that sepia tone? Who authorized this? It wasn’t night vision and it wasn’t full color? Did the crew shoot it on their iPhone and that scene was too important to leave out?

John: Well first, I must commend Jeff on hi shoulder length sleeve gloves. The detachable sleeves, that was THE look.

Between his tan, his headband, which he rocked in season two, he was serving up some serious gay middle age I am all out of f*cks to give. He is having the time of his life and it shows. I do want to get to know him better. I would love to know how he handled growing up gay. By the age of 13, I knew I was gay. On my 13th birthday, one of my Uncles bought me a birthday cake in the shape of boobs. When I saw the boob cake, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. The universe is a cruel and unusual place at times. Being a 13 year-old gay boy living in Nebraska in 1978 was about as easy as being a drag queen in prison. First, everyone thought I was a girl. I was maybe 70 pounds. 30 of it was shaggy hair and eyelashes. The Charlie’s angels had nothing on me when it came to feathering one’s hair. I was the very definition of a pretty boy or at the very least, a handsome girl. Puberty had not kicked in full bore, but when it did, my nose grew first, and grew and grew. It took me roughly eight years and a surgeon for me to grow into my face.

To say my 13th birthday was confusing, well, let’s just say that when they cut a huge piece of cake that included a boob and the décolletage. I ate the necklace. Two days after my version of Sixteen Candles, Grease the movie was released. I am not sure what this says about me, but the first three movies I saw more than once in a theater were Earthquake, Orca and Grease. I guess drawing airplane crashes in the third grade explains the first two.

To say I loved Grease, is like asking if Rip Taylor likes confetti. I was going to say I loved Grease like a fat kid likes cake, but it is my understanding that we are no longer supposed to make fun of cake eating fat kids. Anyway, I loved that movie so much so that the soundtrack becomes my first album.

I sang all of the songs in my bedroom. It was not until I was an adult and singing, badly, I mean BADLY, at Karaoke that I realized I only knew the words to Sandy’s parts of the songs. You see, as a 13 year old closeted gay kid in 1978, I am silently and hopelessly devoted to both Hardy Boys, the entire cast of Bonanza, and Bruce Jenner. Oops.

So when I see Jeff, with his shoulder length sleeve gloves serving it up like Olivia Dukakis in Steel Magnolias, I can’t help but smile and see the same 13 year old with a towel on his head pretending to be Cher. You know, after Silkwood but before Mask.

Brice: Baaaaby! Mama Varner was beat for the gawwwwds ! lol

Neleh: I love having old school back and I love Varner. He is a great character on the show. I barely remember the sepia tone and all I can think about was how GREAT he was at bringing Abi into his space! As much as to say she turned him on?! haha, (pretty sure that didn’t really do anything for you Jeff, but good move 🙂 and Abi’s face.. oh she was butter in his hands at that moment. Nice move Varner! SCORE!

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5. How much of Ta Keo’s loss was the puzzle confusion…and how much of it was because of Varner’s face plant!?

(Puzzle confusion…Ta Keo on the left got it wrong…Bayon on the right got it correct)

(Mama Varner face-planting all over the place)

Coby: Varner. The season of Varner. Ass up, hands up, wave ‘me like you just don’t care up.

John: Well, there is nothing funny about a fat guy falling on a playground unless you rewind it 16 times, put it on a loop, add some fart noises, and play it over and over again. I was glad he got up. I don’t know if you noticed or not, but I saw at least five people pull out their CPR cards to go over the steps. Just a reminder to Old-Old Schoolers. The challenges are more, um, challengery. If you get the call to return, #getyoassinshape

Brice: One thing I can remember about Challenges is that it has to be clear communication! So I saw this going downhill very quickly when everyone was yelling and screaming at which puzzle pieces worked better. It is so easy out there to get confused and frustrated! So I think as a tribe they did play well together.

Neleh: Confusion for sure. That was just pitiful watching Survivors falling like flies off those ramps though. How sad! Those planks were like sandpaper. Skin everywhere! Poor Varner’s face. Oh, and for the record. I hate puzzles. I think everyone does. Well, except for maybe Spencer because he thinks robotically. They stress me out just watching them.

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6. Who wore the Godfather robe better this week? Shirin with her attempted intimidation of Woo or Varner who spared Spencer today, for a favor tomorrow?

(Mama Varner, as the Godfather…keeping Abi close until he needs to cut her loose)

(Mama Varner presiding over Tribal Council)

Coby: You know the answer is Varner because Shirin’s failed attempt was just that… A failure. Varner is the one to beat. His hands are in every pot and nobody seems to mind the way he stirs.

John: Well, Varner has been THE star the past two episodes. So, he gets the Robfather award. I fear he is getting way too much camera time. I fear the swap screws up his game. I hope not. None of us want to see him go early. If so, we will miss him dearly. You know, like my old hair color.

Brice: Well Shirin went 0 to 100 in Woo’s mind! but Woo was not here for her at all

(😐) I was very surprised to see Woo stand up for himself and tell Shirin he’s not buying what she’s selling. Shirin was like Woo ‘I’m going make you an offer that you can’t refuse” but Unfortunately, Woo refused, returned, asked for a store credit and requested to speak to store manger on her offer. lol My god father robe has to go to Godmother Shirin !!!

Neleh: I was glad to see a little backbone in Woo last night. He can’t be a push over this season but Varner! Varner… Oh buddy. I am afraid for your fate with the looking of the switch. Taking Spencer :((( No Bueno! I hope I get to see you play for many more episodes but I know Spencer is going to be in full force now! Can’t wait to watch it play out.

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7. You’re stranded on the island with a choice between Varner’s Spy Shack or Joe’s Hammock where do you end up?

(Everybody’s ending up in Joe’s, aka Survivor MacGyver’s, Hammock…)

Coby: This is a stupid question. Why would anyone want the sad imaginary Spy Shack if Joe could be tying knots around you all day? Duh?

John: Well, I think, I speak for everyone, including my Sapphic sisters, when I say that anyone with a pulse and a Kinsey scale would love to be in Joe’s Hammock.

Brice: I’m sorry what’s the question, I’m just waking up from my long nap on my Hammock and I have a 12:30 appointment for some Joega.

Neleh: I’m going in the Spy shack with Varner. I think Joe is fabulous but Varner and I could spy it up and learn everything and that would be more fun. The challenge.

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8. Who impressed you the most and who disappointed you the most this week?

Coby: Varner impressed the most. He is by FAR playing the Shadiest game out there. Everyone is talking about it even and nobody seems to care…. Yet. Sadness once again enters my empty womb over the Queen Wigglesworth. Where is she? Is she even out there? She had one sad confessional and some limping footage on the way back from the challenge.

John: Well, the entire Bayon edit was dull. Other than Stephen’s Woody Allen, tone deaf, alienating his tribe edit, not much else was happening. I have a feeling the testosterone may be pretty heavy over there and poor Stephen’s game compass is all jacked up. At least, we had Joe building stuff, carrying stuff, and making stuff in his choneys. We like it when Joe does stuff in his choneys. We like it when Joe does stuff and doesn’t do stuff in his choneys.

Brice: I was very impressed with Papa Terry last night to be able to swoop down, and be a friend to Abi in her survivor time of need. This is completely different than the Terry I remember watching back in the day.

(Abi alone…then Terry to the rescue!)

I was very disappointed with how much Skin I felt like the survivors last last night during the Challenge. Was I the only one cringing at watching them fall down that hill thinking about all that ass burn lol lol !

Neleh: I am disappointed that we didn’t see anything from Bayon. I want to see these players play! Not crying! I want to see where their heads are at. Get to know them as players. I expected big things from a lot of them. I know they have big personalities. Fishbach! Dig your heels in. I want to see your game!

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9. Who impressed you with their shade throwing skillz?

Coby: Woo. Surprised I said that aren’t you? But Woo, who is known as the nicest Survivor ever, gave major Shade when he looked Shirin in the face and told the truth. He could have easily pacified her but instead he basically said, “You never even tried to play with me. Bye Felecia!”

John: Evil Abi was just MEAN. And like Varner says, it was delicious. I mean she served that dish cold. I imagine Abi was thinking, “Cadela , você pensou que você e seu pequeno amigo chinês poderia me ruim na boca . Eu plantei essa pulseira para criar o caos e distração . Meus amigos, Jeff e Terry , tenho a minha volta, e você , o jogo acabou . Você mexeu com o errado brasileira. Então , enquanto você está no Ponderosa ganhando as duas libras que você perdeu enquanto aqui fora , eu vou tomar o seu lugar na aliança.” (Thank you Google).

Brice: My Baby Abi was at the top of list last night ! I Just keep replaying over in my head when She let Shirin know she was no longer in her alliance and that Shirin and Spencer were on the chopping block. Now that’s how you sever up a hot plate of #SurviorShade

Neleh: Abi was just great!

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10. Who’s your pick for the top of the shade tree this week?

Coby: Queen Bitch Varner, hands down. Drip Drip.

John: Varner is sitting atop everything until somebody snatches his weave and boots his ass and his shoulder length sleeve-gloves off the island. I hope that never happens. He is awesome. So much fun. May be the best first episodes EVAH!

Brice: Mama Varner, Abi, and Savage!

Neleh: I pick Varner. You are so fun to watch. You are mischievous and for old school you are bringing it and I love it!! Can’t wait till next week!

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Alright then…NOW it’s time for THIS week’s SurvivorShade Tree!

(Mama Varner MOVES UP to the top spot of the Shade tree with constant shade being thrown at Shirin AND Spencer…poetically speaking of their demise and being turned on by all of Abi’s chaos)

(Next row we have Abi-Maria ALSO moving up a spot…she was tossing shade at Peih-Gee, Shirin, even Terry…before he saved her. NO ONE was safe! ALSO we have Savage climbing onto the shade tree with his systematic decimation of Stephen Fishbach’s character…WOWZA!!!)

(We have Peih-Gee making the tree not only for her night fight with Abi…but also with her playing Regina George with first Shirin, then getting the whole beach to join in on the fun. Next to her is Terry who gained a lot of shade cred for basking in the squirming of both Shirin and Spencer during Tribal Council. Also on the tree is Woo who displayed some impressive shade cred by straight up telling Shirin to get out of here, he doesn’t want her snake oil!)

(Even though she made the shade tree…Abi was also on the receiving end of most of the shade being tossed out this episode…you gotta roll with the punches!)

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A HUGE THANK YOU to Neleh for being our special guest this week…tune in next week to see who will be joining our trifecta for Episode 3 AND THE TRIBE SWAP OMG OMG OMG!!!

Now, be sure to Like us on Facebook

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Coby Archa

John Carroll

Brice Johnston

(and for this week) Neleh Dennis

That’s all we’ve got this week.

and remember…

if you can’t stand the heat…get out of the shade!