Mr. Conley had packed the days with activities, circle after circle. To speak, the members passed a long and knotty talking stick with deep holes all the way though, like Swiss cheese. Soon, many in the group were seeing their boundaries fall. Some cried. Others said they were sharing things for the first time. One person disclosed terminal cancer that few at home knew about.

Another circle started, this one about “liminality.” Mr. Hamaoui said, “I feel like I’m just not getting it. I watch YouTube stars and all these things, and intellectually I get it, but emotionally I just can’t connect.”

Snaps of agreement came from around the circle. No one else connected with the YouTube stars either, and it was O.K. There was a growing sense of empowerment and camaraderie — almost rebellion. Mr. Conley talked about reclaiming the term elder like the gay community has reclaimed queer.

“The social narrative is basically, midlife is a crisis and after a crisis you have decrepitude,” Mr. Conley said. “But you actually are much happier in your 60s and 70s, so why aren’t we preparing for that?”

Later in the week, Caroline Czirr, 49, a brand manager in Colorado, got the talking stick. “This feels good,” said Ms. Czirr. “It feels good. I’m turning 50 next month, and I was just going to have dinner with friends.”

Her voice rose. “But now I want cake,” she said. “I want champagne. And I want to see a D.J., and I want to make out with a guy at a bar.”

Mr. Conley’s expansion plans include building a Modern Elder retirement community near El Pescadero. Mr. Hamaoui, who is leading that effort, said the new facility would accommodate both short and permanent stays. He and Mr. Conley are imagining it as an “intergenerational community,” he said one evening, leaning back on the Modern Elder veranda. He expects Millennials will want to join.