Dear Professor Schwyzer,

I was slightly frustrated when I came upon your latest article on the progressive blog Jezebel. At first I was intrigued; with the title “The Popularity and Perfectionism Behind Butt Sex” I assumed it would be an uplifting discussion regarding the recent popularity over anal play. However, what ensued was a shaming discourse regarding anal sex and those who enjoy it.

Whatever the appeal of anal sex (and those who enjoy it give a wide variety of reasons why), even its strongest and most enthusiastic advocates admit that it can be intensely painful, at least the first few times it’s tried. “Taking a penis in my ass the first time hurt ten times more than when I lost my virginity,” wrote one woman on the survey. Several others mentioned that doing anal right required far more time, artificial lubrication, and care than any other sex act.

It seems as though you have an apparent disdain for anal sex; your opening sentence is dripping with sarcasm. Sex should not be painful, though it certainly can be. When having vaginal or anal sex for the first time, the tissue of the vagina and the anus can be stretched, leaving the area tender and sore afterward. Masturbating and using anal toys can help stretch out that area comfortably before sex to reduce this soreness. To complicate this, many people – especially teens and young adults – will be under the influence of drugs or alcohol when they engage in anal sex for the first time. Alcohol and drugs serve to lessen our pain receptors and therefore we are not able to accurately gauge what is and is not painful, leaving you waking up in the morning, lamenting that you will never let anything near your butt ever again. Similarly, your phrasing “doing anal right” implies that there is in fact a way to have anal sex that is pleasurable for both partners. Yes, anal sex might require more preparation, more time, the addition of lube –unlike vaginas, anuses do not self-lubricate – and more care, but then I would argue that those descriptions should apply to all sexual acts. Taking these additional steps – though it may seem cumbersome – can ensure a positive experience for both partners. Last but not least, if women feel pressured into having anal sex – or any sex for that matter – then it is not going to be enjoyable. Your butt is a muscle and if you are nervous and tense than that muscle will be tight and clinched, creating an uncomfortable sexual experience. All sexual acts should have the freely given consent of both partners. Another reason to perhaps account for the increased rates of anal sex among youth has to deal with protecting their virginity. Many teens feel that engaging in anal or oral sex will keep their virginity intact but still allow them to be sexually active. Also, engaging in anal sex alleviates the pressure of potentially getting an unplanned pregnancy; a concern many teens face. Without proper comprehensive sexual education in the schools, these teens might be blithely unaware of how to protect themselves, negotiate their feelings properly, and even enjoy the experience and find pleasure from it.

It’s hard not to see the growing popularity of anal sex as yet another manifestation of the pressure on young women to focus on performance rather than on their own pleasure … The payoff of letting your boyfriend fuck you in the ass isn’t the humiliation that’s eroticized in male-centered pornography. The payoff isn’t even the chance to prove your devotion to a guy. Perhaps the greatest incentive to do anal is the chance to prove the all-important capacity to endure pain.

Sex in America, at times, places too much pressure on sexual performance and competency. It is a pressure that men, women, gay straight, old and young struggle with; a pressure that everyone must negotiate with each and every new partner they have. As mentioned earlier, sex should never be painful and no one should have to prove their ability to withstand pain – you do not need to bite the bullet or take one for the team when it comes to anal sex. Young women should be empowered in their sexual choices and should feel comfortable vocalizing their needs to their partner. Anal sex can be pleasurable for women and your blatant dismissal that it could be is a damaging generalization, potentially limiting women in their sexuality.

You then ended your article with a weird extrapolation; you link anal sex to salons and women’s athletics, explaining that women are experiencing more stress and physical pain from sports and engaging in more ways to cosmetically alter one’s appearance and that this is linked to the stress and injury women face when having anal sex. Women could be experiencing more stress due to rising costs of higher education with little professional aspects and opportunities post-graduation. The stress could also relate to women juggling an ever-increasing load of responsibilities relating to work, school, family and more. The rise and expansion of women’s athletics, including the addition of high school/collegiate/professional women’s sports and increased grants and financial aid opportunities available to female athletes is an important step in the ongoing struggle for women’s equality. Rigorous sports places stress and strain on the body, leaving it open to injury. The rise in injury could also be correlated to the increase of female athletes on the whole – I’m just saying, I have seen some roller derby games and they are crazy. As a former Women’s Studies student, I find your conclusions haphazardly made and damaging to women’s sexuality. Instead of educating women – and men – about how to make their experiences with anal sex more enjoyable and how to effectively communicate what is and is not pleasurable to their partner, you instead almost adopt this tone that this is womens’ lot in life– to resign themselves to a life of pain.

I’m not claiming that your conclusions are drawn incorrectly, merely that it represents one interpretation derived by combining data from a scientifically sound and reputable report, with comments from a facebook post, and extrapolating findings based on that. In the future I would encourage many perspectives in your discourse to present a whole-rounded discussion about a topic.

Thanks for your time,

Chris