American health insurance companies believe they have finally found the right balance of premiums, deductibles and co-payments to dump the entire nation into a state of learned helplessness. Not only have Americans stopped seeking health care of any kind, but they have also given up fighting annual double digit premium increases. Costs are plummeting and revenues are skyrocketing.

“With the price of gas, and nationwide negative home equity, many Americans have just plopped themselves down on the couch with a 2 litre bottle of Coke, a carton of Marlboros, and an assortment of edible high fructose corn syrup solids,” said one anonymous executive from Cigna. “They’re just praying for the end of days and so they’re ripe for one final epic fleecing.”

The companies are aware that at some point in time no one in America will have any money left to pay for their effectively useless insurance policies. Once they have reached that maximum utility in the States, they plan to expand into smaller markets such as Canada and larger ones such as China.

“There are at least 6 billion people in the world who we haven’t benefited from the freedom and wealth transfer efficiency of the American health care system….Yet.”

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Tags: health insurance, Humor, satire