CONCENTRATION etched on her little face, a preschool girl puts the finishing touches to a house of coloured bricks, whereupon it is gleefully bashed to pieces by a boy her own age.

“Don’t do that!” she tells him, and rebuilds — only to see him ignore her and do it again. Told of his behaviour, his mother shrugs: “He can’t help himself! Boys will be boys — they just love destroying things.”

Plenty of little girls love destroying things too, but do you ever hear adults say “girls will be girls”?

On the evening of Monday, 16 February 2015, police were called to a house in suburban Adelaide, where they found the body of university research officer Dr Ainur Ismagul, 55. Her husband was arrested and charged with murder.

Ms Ismagul was the 14th woman this year to meet a violent end, and experience tells us she will not be the last. The 2014 toll was 81. Most are killed by a former or current male partner, often after sustained abuse. In some cases, children or new male partners also die.

Police, government and the media tend to treat each death as an individual tragedy, but experts see a clear pattern of underlying attitudes that sanction male aggression.

“For many young people, male aggression is expected and normalised, there is constant pressure among boys to behave in sexually aggressive ways, girls are routinely objectified, there is a sexual double standard, and girls are pressured to accommodate male ‘needs’ and desires,” says Dr Michael Flood, Senior Lecturer in Sociology at Wollongong University.

So why are ingrained community attitudes so important in male-on-female aggression? “Attitudes are crucial to shaping wider social norms and cultures,” says Dr Flood.

“Boys are taught in subtle ways to push past girls’ resistance, that women are good for only one thing. This is reinforced by the media and by pornography, which is easily accessible to young people, and treats sexuality as violent and violence as sexy.”

Dr Flood continued: “Australians in general believe that male violence towards women is unacceptable. But where it happens, too many people are ready to excuse it or to blame the victim.

“In a society with gender inequality and violence-supportive attitudes, women are more likely to blame themselves and to not seek help, while other people — friends, family, doctors, social workers, police, jurors — are less ready to support them.” This is the experience of many women who are let down by the people who are supposed to protect and help them, often with devastating results.

Dr Flood rubbishes the common belief that men are biologically incapable of controlling their anger and sexual needs. “Levels of male violence vary widely across cultures and across history.

“We have good international evidence that social media and communications campaigns can and do change attitudes.”

As Australia’s first family violence Royal Commission got under way this week in Victoria, Minister for the Prevention of Family Violence, Fiona Richardson, told me: “Shifting attitudes is at the heart of the commission’s terms of reference.”

Many school and community-based programs show good results — but they don’t come cheap, and funding is shrinking. As Australian of the Year Rosie Batty pointed out, the federal government’s $300 million defunding of relevant services is “contradictory” to Tony Abbott’s declared intent to put family violence at the top of the national agenda.

These programs are crucial, says Dr Flood, adding: “It is particularly important that we mobilise boys and men in our prevention efforts, because of many males’ greater endorsement of violence-supportive attitudes, men’s roles as community leaders and gatekeepers, and men’s relative absence from efforts to end violence against women.” He cites the White Ribbon Campaign as one effective example.

Minister Richardson thinks a national royal commission would be “tremendous”, but some at the front line of service provision disagree.

“We know what the problem is. We need action and funding. For starters, the cuts to community legal centres, Legal Aid and the Aboriginal Family Violence services must be reversed,” says Susan Fahey, CEO and Principal Solicitor of Women’s Legal Services Tasmania, which has itself taken an annual funding hit of $100,000.

Gold Coast domestic violence specialist Betty Taylor adds: “I would welcome systemic review rather than a royal commission ... funding, yes, but more than that. Better policies, oversight, training, political will.” In the latter, the Victorian government is showing the way but whatever its conclusions, there will be no quick fix.

Michael Flood concludes: “I’m not optimistic we will see a decline in rates of violence over the next decade … but I do have hope.”

For now, challenging the sexism inherent in “boys will be boys” whenever we hear it would be a step in the right direction.

FAST FACTS

• More than one in three women in Australia (39%) have experienced violence at the hands of a man since the age of 15

• 32% have experienced physical violence

• 19% have experienced sexual violence

• One in five (22%) Australian women aged 15 to 64 have been the target of sexual harassment

• 17% of women over 18 have been stalked by a man (ABS 2013).

• The 2013 National Community Attitudes Towards Violence Against Women Survey found close to half of Australians think men rape because they can’t control their need for sex.

• Around half believe the lie that women often make false allegations of rape or domestic violence.

• Over three quarters say it is hard to understand why women stay.

• More than 3 out of 5 Australians think that domestic violence is caused mainly by men being unable to manage their anger.

• People in the 2013 survey were less likely than those in earlier surveys to recognise the reality that men are more often perpetrators, and less likely to recognise women are more likely to sustain levels of physical harm and of fear.