South Carolina Senator and closeted homosexual Lindsey Graham told reporters today that he’d “snort a pound of cocaine out of the president’s chocolate starfish before even considering impeachment.”

“That’s right,” a wide-eyed Graham continued. “I’ll take a pound of coke from Mr. Trump’s stash, and do bump after bump until my little Southern belle heart explodes.”

Political experts immediately called Graham’s bluff, citing the fact that the Senator would first need to be capable of removing his head from the president’s ass in order to snort anything.