None of this would have worked if he wasn’t a) a loveable rogue who people enjoyed having around the place and b) a brilliant liar and bounder.

Bebeto, who actually WAS a great footballer, was a mate of his. Smyth quotes Bebeto: “His chat was so good that if you let him open his mouth, that would be it. He’d charm you. You couldn’t avoid it. That would be it.”

Kaiser says that his friends gave him his name because of his style of football as a kid, reminiscent of German great Franz ‘Der Kaiser’ Beckenbauer, but there is the strong suggestion that this was a self-awarded moniker.

His gift for deception extended to all areas of life: he like the high times but never had any money. He’d always have a problem with the cash machine, or he’d misplaced his wallet.

Aside from blagging his way in football, his other great talent was for chatting up women: he reckons to have slept with well over a thousand. Clubs and real footballers loved having him around because he invariably brought beautiful girls. He was no use on the pitch, but he made for a happy dressing room.