If you’re in the mood for some self-love, nothing is better than kicking back with a steamy, smutty erotic novel. But what if you want to reach the next level of arousal, the kind you can only achieve by effortlessly pulling the dense pit out of a beautiful, spotless avocado? Well, you can’t, but here are a couple of sexy novellas that’ll get you somewhat there!

Night Shift: A Choose-Your-Own Erotic Fantasy

Get a little creative with your smut! This book allows you to choose your own path to sexual fulfillment, and it’s sure to get you all worked up. Not that it’d even come close to getting you as hot and bothered as smoothly twisting the pit out of an avocado with no interference or effect on the surrounding fruit, but it’s worth it regardless!

Anything from the Dark Lover Series

The plotlines in the Dark Lover series are heavy with gothic, vampire themes and energy, which is soooo hot if you’re into that! But even if you’re not, with nineteen (yes, nineteen!!) installments in the series and counting, you’ll be sure to find at least one that gets you off. Although, you’ll just have to accept the fact that nothing you read in any book will compare to the pure, tantric ecstasy experienced when you slam a sharp knife into an avocado pit and it slides out with no issue. Mmmmm!!!

Wetlands

This particular erotic novel requires a bit of an open mind, and maybe a strong stomach. But if you’re game, the explicit discussion of body parts, smells, and issues can be incredibly arousing, and will without a doubt get you in the mood for some serious self-love. That is, of course, if you’re not distracted by the halved avocado that’s on the cover, which is sure to remind you of just how sexually stimulating it is when you work your finger under a loosened avocado pit and pluck it out, smearing its green creaminess onto your hand while you try to contain the unbridled satisfaction you feel. So hot!!

Call Me By Your Name

Yes, that one! This is the original, erotic but incredibly heartwarming and romantic novel that the blockbuster movie is based on. Diversify your clit rubbing fodder by reading about a steamy love affair between a young man and his older lover. It’ll absolutely get you there, though probably not as quickly or intensely as you just closing your eyes, laying back, and imagining yourself gripping the round, slippery pit of an avocado and having it effortlessly pop into your waiting hand. You’ve already cum reading that, haven’t you? Dirty!!

Pick up any of these erotic novels when you’re in the mood to get all turned on. Just don’t expect to get to the same level of transcendent arousal as you do when you pull the pit out of a perfectly ripe avocado!