Sadness. That was the overriding feeling for me when I was racially abused playing for my country. It was August 2003, I was 24 years old, and just starting out on my international career with Wales. We were playing Serbia-Montenegro away in a Euro 2004 qualifier in Belgrade and I knew beforehand that it was going to be a hostile atmosphere. One or two of the experienced players had marked our cards in that respect. But nothing really prepares you for hearing monkey noises when you’re on a football pitch.

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Myself, Nathan Blake and Robert Earnshaw were all targeted that evening. At first I was thinking: “Am I hearing right? Is that being directed to me?” Then, as the game goes on and you get lulls in play when the general noise in the stadium dies down, or you get on the ball, the chants become much easier to hear. Even if you’re engrossed in the game, as I was, trying to focus on playing well, you can’t block it out.

It wasn’t nice. But, looking back, it was actually one of my best games in a Wales shirt and probably one of the reasons for that was the racist abuse. It fuelled the fire inside me and made me play even better. I tried to use a negative to motivate me even more.

In the dressing room afterwards I remember being in a state of shock. So much so that I almost needed what had gone on to be confirmed by one of the Wales officials in order for me to believe it. We’d all been aware of the abuse, including our manager, Mark Hughes, who spoke out about it in his press conference.

Up until that night I’d never experienced racism while playing football. I’d performed in difficult atmospheres where you’re getting called all sorts. But that was the first time I’d been subjected to racism like that, with the monkey chants.

All sorts of emotions go through your mind in the wake of the match, including anger. For a section of the supporters to abuse you for the colour of your skin, or to look at you in the way that they did that evening, and for them to feel the way that they do about you because you are black, is just wrong.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Danny Gabbidon was playing for Wales when he was abused by Serbia-Montenegro fans. Photograph: Steven Paston/Action Images

You try and handle all that the best way that you can and then, of course, you’re expecting the authorities to deal with it in the appropriate manner. Deep down, though, you know that nothing will happen and so it proved. The FA of Serbia-Montenegro was fined £11,000 for “the racist conduct of its supporters”. What is that going to do? That’s not fighting the problem. It’s just giving a nation a little slap on the wrist. Maybe the authorities are then hoping that it will be forgotten about and everybody will move on.

That was 2003. It’s now 2019 and exactly the same thing is happening. In fact, you expect it to happen. When Callum Hudson-Odoi came out after the Montenegro game and said he was pre-warned by some of the senior England players that there could be racist abuse from the stands, it summed everything up for me. As black players, we almost accept it will go on now. It becomes normal and it shouldn’t be that way.

It’s not easy to say what needs to happen in football, because it’s a society problem. And although racism seems worse in certain parts of Europe, it’s not confined to those areas. We have issues in the United Kingdom too. The key difference, I’d say, is that it feels like there is a desire to tackle racism here whereas in some countries they don’t want to admit there is a problem.

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For the Montenegro manager to come out after Monday’s game and say that he did not hear the racist abuse and then, when pressed, insist he did not see “the reason why I should be commenting on that”, is ridiculous. How can there be change if people keep trying to brush it under the carpet? On the flipside, it was refreshing to hear Gareth Southgate speak about racism in the way that he did.

It’s clear that there needs to be a crackdown when it comes to how we deal with racism in football. Handing out fines and banning individuals doesn’t work. At the same time, football’s governing bodies need to look at themselves as well as the offending nations. We need much more ethnic diversity within senior positions at Uefa and Fifa because if you haven’t experienced racism, it’s very difficult to understand it. And if you can’t understand racism, you can’t enforce the right changes.

From a broader perspective, it’s about educating the younger generation in the hope that over time things change. It’s also important for people who have been racially abused to share our experiences and our feelings. But we don’t want to just keep talking and writing about it. There needs to be action, and the right action, or we won’t get anywhere.

Danny Gabbidon played 49 times for Wales between 2002–2014