NICEVILLE — Pity the poor police officer.

On Dec. 21 a Niceville Police officer was westbound on Palm Boulevard in search of a dark-colored truck reported to be southbound on Palm. As the officer approached 23rd street he saw a dark-colored Ford at a stop sign. The truck sat there almost 15 seconds.

The officer followed the truck. He saw it swaying in the lane. As it approached State Road 20 the truck crossed the center lane and entered a left turn lane. Then, suddenly, the driver decided to turn right and pulled across the lane. He stopped at the red light, then took a wide turn to the right and ran over the median. At that point the officer stopped the driver.

The officer approached the driver and introduced himself. He asked the driver where he was coming from. The driver said he was going “that way.” Which way? the officer asked. The driver said “Bluewater Bay.”

The officer explained to the driver he was coming from a different direction than Bluewater Bay and asked where he was coming from. The driver insisted, “From Bluewater Bay.” The officer asked where he was going and the driver said, “Bluewater Bay.”

The officer then asked the driver if he were aware he’d vomited on himself. “He acted like he did not know and looked at the vomit on his pants and between the door and the seat,” the officer wrote in the report.

Next, the officer pointed out the driver had entered the left-turn lane, then made a right turn and ran over the center divider. What did he think about that? The driver replied, “I was just trying to get home.”

When asked what route he was using, the driver said he was going home to Bluewater Bay.

The officer asked for the man’s license, registration and proof of insurance. The driver handed him a Ruby Tuesday’s coupon. He said it was his driver's license. The officer pointed out that it was not his license but a Ruby Tuesday’s coupon. Did he have a license? The driver brought out a piece of paper that was another Ruby Tuesday’s coupon and asked, “Is this my driver license right here?” The officer again asked for the driver’s license. The man handed him a plastic document protector.

“This went on for several minutes,” the officer wrote in the arrest report.

Not surprisingly, the driver was not able to perform field sobriety tests. He did consent to a breath test and blew a 0.219 and a 0.205.

The DUI probable cause affidavit did not list a court date for the man.