The 16-year-old schoolgirl from Sweden, Greta Thunberg, can be revealed as a carbon dioxide producing hypocrite by this paper, The Barrel Scrape, following an investigation.

After being told by my editor to dig up some dirt [Investigate her background, surely? — Ed.] on the activist, it was discovered that Thunberg has produced and is continuing to produce carbon dioxide through a process known as ‘respiration’.

Polluters, each and every one.

Thunberg uses this little-known process, which is also used by jihadists, migrants, and rats, in order to provide herself with the energy to go on her climate tirades.

Scientific experts confirmed that not only is she producing carbon dioxide in this process, but she is also using oxygen, and during her visit to the UK, will have used ‘at least two pints of British oxygen’.

The Metropolitan Police have been informed.

— Henry Dyer