Unsent /un-sent/ 1. To have failed so badly on a route you had previously climbed that you negate your redpoint. 2. A humor column.

Comments

Don Sparks

Well-bolted, nice movement, great beginner lead.

Natalia Mikhailov

Fun route, but the grade is soft. If 1960s Direct at Old School Coliseum is 5.9, and Hemp Rope Special at the Layton Kor Playground is 5.8, then this should be 5.6.

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Alan Nedermeyer

Natalia, you can’t really compare old-school trad areas to new-school sport crags.

Adam Noobie

Went for this as my first outdoor lead based on Don’s suggestion. Thought “well-bolted” meant “a lot of bolts.” Turns out he meant the opposite. Avoid unless you are very confident at the grade.

Don Sparks

I dunno! As a 5.13 climber, it felt pretty cruiser to me. And yes, well-bolted means not over-bolted. If you want sport climbing to be safe and fun, stay in the gym!

Dan Fowler

The right number of bolts is always zero. I say chop ‘em cause this whole route goes on taped-on skyhooks.

Patricia Orbacher

Ted Cassels and I toproped this in 1979 for the FA and called it Baby Blue Eyes aka Ted and Patty’s Wall. This generation has NO respect for history. You really thought you were the first person to climb this obvious gem? I hope you and your whole family die from a brain disease from spending too much time looking at Facebooks on your iComputers.

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Mike Murphy

Hi, Patricia. I literally checked every guidebook from the last 30 years, looked in the AAC library, and consulted other locals to see if this had been done before. Sorry if we missed your ascent! We spent days cleaning off vegetation, so it seemed like it hadn’t been done previously.

Patricia Orbacher

We didn’t report it anywhere because we didn’t do it for fame or glory, unlike you. And it’s bullshit that you didn’t give us credit. I hate you and everyone under 60.

Natalia Mikhailov

Climbed this again today. So nice! But if the Evolution Traverse is 5.9, then this is maybe hard fourth class.

Orenthal Davis

Forgot a double set of cams, 20 draws, a rope, new pair of Solutions, $1,000 in non-sequential unmarked 20-dollar bills, and a 30-pound gold bar at the base of this route. If anyone finds my stuff, please call 555-491-8652 or better yet, just show up at 1489 Gloucester Court with it. I’ll give you one can of PBR for your trouble.

Tom Paris

Felt more like 5.8. I skipped the second bolt and placed an RP to let you all know how strong and brave I am.

Sara Deakin

WARNING! There is a loose block the size of a toaster just left of the right-hand gastundercling. While this block is 20 feet from the line itself, the consequences would be disastrous if it fell and hit someone. As this route is located on NFS land, I’ve contacted the agency to request a full environmental impact review before we trundle the block, as it may affect the migratory paths of New Zealand mud snails.

Scoutmaster Williams

Will be bringing a group to this climb—57 Cub Scouts—on Sunday, 10/28, to learn rock-clamping and survival knots. We’ll be on the route all day. If you want to up-rope with us just ask, but the answer will be “No.”

Kelly Thatcher

Be careful when lowering off this route. My 30-meter gym rope left me 60 feet short of the ground, and I had to call for a helicopter rescue.

Mike Murphy

Kelly, basic math should’ve told you that wasn’t going to work. All, happy to add a few more bolts. To be honest, we were cheap and didn’t expect anyone else to climb it.

Tom Paris

THE ROUTE MUST BE CLIMBED IN THE STYLE OF THE FIRST ASCENTIONIST, AND IF YOU ADD A SINGLE BOLT I WILL CHOP IT THEN FIND YOU AND MAKE YOU EAT IT, EVEN IF YOU WERE THE FIRST ASCENTIONIST.

Mike Murphy

Tom, technically the first ascentionists were Patricia Orbacher and Ted Cassels, and they toproped it.

Tom Paris

I don’t know what to feel anymore. I’m going to free solo until fear drowns out all other emotions. #YoloFreeSolo

Natalia Mikhailov

Just ran a third lap. If the Nose on El Cap is 5.9 C2, then this should be considered a hike on flat ground.

Read more Unsent. For Kevin's non-humor columns, see Noon Patrol.