100 People I Hate On Facebook

The friending, the liking, the status updating: Sooner or later we all grow to hate it, but we can’t stop. Facebook is made up of those dinner party guests who just won’t leave even though it’s late and everyone else left two hours ago. After a while, everything anyone does on Facebook becomes irritating.

With that in mind, here are a hundred people I hate on Facebook (edited down from my original list of 500 million).

People who have the new profile People who still have the old profile People who are always on Facebook People who show up once a month and think they have the right to chime in People who check-in People who have a birthday today People who friend everybody People who only friend people they know well People who friend me. People who share their travel plans by listing the airport codes of the two cities separated by a little arrow. Goto –> hell People who think it’s about the journey People who think “LOL!” counts as quality feedback People who think elaborating on a joke is the same as making a joke People who complain about their relationships People who try convince us their relationships are totally awesome People who change their relationship status before telling me their relationship status has changed People who “like” my wife (keep your thumbs-up away from my woman) People who announce they’re going to be offline for awhile People who play Farmville People who complain about people who play Farmville without first seeing how irritating it is for themselves People who regularly tag you in their photo albums when it’s clearly a good photo of them and a bad photo of you People who share party photos with people who weren’t invited to the party People who post personal messages publicly (“Great seeing you last night!”) Attractive people who aggressively share photos People who post happy messages in the morning People who are selling something People who use Facebook to promote their company People who use it for personal reasons People who use it for political reasons People who are overly enthusiastic about my updates People who ignore my updates People who share articles I’ve already seen People who share articles I might have otherwise missed People who comment on the Facebook blurb about an article without actually reading the article People who never comment about anything People who post their tweets to Facebook People who focus on superficial things People who use Facebook to discus anything of meaning People who post mysterious status updates in an effort to get others to comment: “OMG, what do you mean? Everything OK?” People who comment: “OMG, what do you mean?” People who respond to rhetorical statements People who just changed their profile photo People who were hot as hell in seventh grade but who never share any current photos (and never apologize for ignoring you in Junior High) People who were ugly in junior high and resent those who at least were attractive for a while People who see child abuse as a serious problem and then who think: “Maybe a cartoon avatar would help?” People to whom I am clearly superior but who think I should make the first friending move Inferior People who dare to send a friend request People who in 2007 said, “Facebook has peaked, what’s the next thing?” People who are too old for this stuff People who are too young for this stuff People who think they’re the first ones to say, “I wish FB had a hate button.” People who are overly nice People who share joy People who I’ve known since childhood People I just met. People who complain People with ugly kid photos People whose kids are more photogenic than mine People who try to chat even though we haven’t seen each other for five years People who try to chat even though we talk everyday People who try to chat People who go offline when I try to chat with them People who poke me. People who wish me happy birthday on Facebook People who don’t People who see you in person and then repeat the same story they already posted to Facebook and then just stand there until you say, “OK, like.” People who post what they just ate or anything about their digestive system People who share their exercise routine People who share their schedule People who share People who try to be clever People who try to be funny People with the best of intentions People who are thoughtful People who type before thinking People who complain about changes made to Facebook People who passively agree to changes on Facebook People who refuse to use Facebook because everyone else is using it People who use the @ sign even though that only works on another site People who think “I made some changes to my profile page” is a valid answer to the question: “What did you do today?” People you don’t know comment on photos of your family members People who ask favors People who share that they are sick, feel good, can’t sleep or just woke up People who post about the weather People who mention anything related to Burning Man People who share stuff that everyone in the world has already seen, get no response, and then share it again People who aren’t sure about a joke they want to make and so they preface it with: “Overheard:” People who use the phrase “note to self” anywhere other than in the silent privacy of their own mind People who write wonderful things about their new boyfriend even though we can all see that the dude is a chump and the same person will be writing terrible things about him in a few months and then expecting us to be surprised and supportive People who think mentioning something about Darfur is going to somehow benefit the People in Darfur because every little bit counts People who can’t accept that not all cats are cute and/or interesting People who believe that you’ll be happy about their good fortune People who are wildly uninteresting and painfully unfunny yet have a lot more friends than I do People who write the phrase: “Um…OK” People who post song lyrics People who share YouTube videos that have already been viewed 400 million times People who make snarky comments about Sarah Palin People who are Sarah Palin People who stay on Facebook even though they hate everyone on it People who use Friendster

Dave Pell is a San Francisco based, Web-addicted insider, investor and entrepreneur. He has been blogging for more than a decade. This post first appeared on his blog Tweetage Wasteland.