"Deprogramming the masses since 1547"

Current Events

We of the Flat Earth Society are willing to do what it takes to make our message known. We may have started small, but we're branching out and earning the trust and following of lots of people. Although the steps we've taken may seem a little drastic to the outside observer, we feel that, in the end, the net gain will justify the means. Here are a few of our victories. . .

----- In the small town of Grass Roots, MO, one of our members has successfully infiltrated the public education system. By being hired on as a teacher in the district, she was able to gain a foothold that has allowed us to "replace" nearly every lower grade teacher in the entire town with loyal Flat Earthers. The students are now undergoing deprogramming measures and are expected to be released when they reach their mid-thirties.

Over a period of several months, over half of the workers in the Wisconsin state prison system were "relocated", their positions filled by our associates. The list of replacements includes 7 guards, 957 cafeteria workers, 3716 Pepsi machine repairmen and 14 members of the clergy. With our operatives strategically emplaced, the convicts and felons are being given a healthy dose of "pro-Flat Earth" propaganda.

Success story: Upon escaping during a bloody shootout that left 19 prison workers and 27 prisoners dead, a reformed felon known only as "Rasp" went directly to a payphone and contacted our HQ. He is currently working in place of "retired" health-care worker Mr. Sonnovin at the Green Acres nursing home in Charlamange, WI.

----- After spending over sixteen million dollars and using over 48 thousand yards of industrial strength strapping tape, we of the Flat Earth Society were able to construct an enormously powerful neurotransmitter that can implant suggestions directly into the brains of the nearby non-Flat Earthers. Having set it up just outside of the Russian Antarctic exploration post (Vostok), we are awaiting word that all three scientists and 174 penguins have been shown the light.

----- Three loyal Flat Earth Society members, during a camping trip to the small African nation of Tunisia, came across a privately-owned 59 minute photo stand in the isolated northernmost corner of the desert country. Employing guerilla warfare techniques learned under Mao Zedong in the early 1920's, they were able to effortlessly seize control of the stand and are now using it to distribute pro-Flat Earth propaganda throughout the West African region.

----- On an unrelated note, we of the Flat Earth Society would like to wish a very happy forty-fifth birthday to Edmund Wilbur, our Vice-President in charge of Public Relations. Happy birthday to you, Wilbur, and to all our other members whose birthdays are also today, but whose importance fails to merit a mention by name.

----- Dilligent Flat Earth Society members under the employ of Delta Airlines undertook a project which will no doubt bring countless numbers of motion-sickness prone individuals into the ranks of our organization. Using only permanent markers and every airsickness bag on planes restricted to west coast travel, they were able to neatly outline the Flat Earth Society mission statement on enough receptacles so as to spread our creed to those of the masses with overly sensitive inner ears.

----- Your dog has joined us.

What You Can Do

We of the Flat Earth Society are always looking for help. The heretic teachings of Efimovich and his misguided followers permeate our culture today in such a way that simple brainwashing and guerilla combat techniques are no longer as effective as they have been in the past. We need a newer, fresher approach, something to help us re-introduce ourselves into the mainstream culture and undermine the teachings of Efimovich from their twisted and vile roots.

To this end, the Flat Earth Society has reluctantly embraced technology as the means of getting our message out. Although more effective on a grass-roots level, our traditional means of pamphlet distribution, door-to-door support gathering, harassment and kidnapping of close relatives, threatening phone calls and abduction/brainwashing have been both slow to work and generally discouraged. So, despite four hundred-plus years of tradition, we have revised our philosophy, and have adopted a more insidious means of undoing Efimovich once and for all: subliminal messages.

And we need your help to do it. As a registered member of the Flat Earth Society (assuming you pass our rigorous entrance exam first), you will be called upon to perform heroic acts of public service almost immediately. Aside from the aforementioned traditional methods, you will be asked to do whatever is in your power to encourage more and more people to visit our website. As you may have already guessed, this site is filled with hundreds of small subliminal messages, each designed to re-educate the masses regarding a particular aspect of Efimovich's teachings. The result of continuous bombardment by these messages is that to anyone visiting this site, the impact on their subconscious (and eventually conscious) mind will be gradual and undetectable, yet in the end profound, leading to a 180-degree turn from following Efimovich to following the noble creed of the Flat Earth Society.

If you are a member of the Flat Earth Society, or if you are not but have still been brainwashed to a limited degree by our subliminal messagery, please put a link from your site (assuming you have one), to ours. And if you so please, you can download one of several links made especially for the conversion of the masses, by clicking below.