Photo: Chip Somodevilla / Getty

It is not uncommon for large businesses to snatch up domain names, both to prevent other people from taking spots they may someday want and to stop unsavory domains from being launched. The latter of these is why, for example, Disney owns the domain muppetfucker.net—there was a DJ out there with that name, and the family-friendly company didn’t want his salacious name to gain much traction. Still, the domains that people buy do point toward the thinking of the empires in question, which is why it’s worth looking at the vast digital real estate held by the Trump Organization, which is still owned by our hopelessly corrupt kleptocratic commander in chief.


CNN has scoured the records of his digital holdings, and they don’t so much reveal anything new about Trump as illustrate his corporation’s infantile style of power-branding. The domains show possible ventures into continued chintzy “luxury life”:

TrumportunityKnocks.com ChicagoTrumpLimo.com TrumpOnTheBeachOnline.net TrumpNetwork.com

They also own a ton that constitute defenses against possible negative branding, which are equally (or more!) illustrative of the way the Trumps think of their own business:

TrumpMultiLevelMarketing.com TrumpNetworkFraud.com TrumpNetworkPyramidScheme.com TrumpNetworkPonziScheme.com TrumpScam.com ImBeingSuedByTheDonald.com VoteAgainstTrump.com TrumpMustGo.com NoMoreTrump.com DonaldTrumpSucks.com TrumpVodkaSucks.com

President Trump has not divested himself of his business interests or placed them in a blind trust, meaning that he still owns all of these. As his son and shitty vampire Eric Trump told Business Insider, “We acquire thousands a year, and it’s smart. It’s just a smart thing to do, and it’s a great way to protect yourself.”


That’s true. It is smart! Especially given that Donald Trump does suck, he is a fraud, he has conducted pyramid schemes, and also his vodka sucks. Of course it sucks: Donald Trump does not run real businesses, he brands things to make quick money and then bails as they crumble. Still, it may be smart to secure the domains for his more likely causes of downfall, such as:

TrumpGetsBoredAndQuits.com MakeTheApprenticeGreatAgain.com SteveBannonRemovesMaskAndEatsTrump.com TrumpNuclearHolocaust.com RussianUrineParty.com TrumpShitsSelf.com TrumpDeemedMentallyUnfit.com

All of the which are still available, for what it’s worth.

[via Gizmodo]