Welcome all to the first official post of Second Season Syndrome! The new season is finally here and I for one can’t wait for it to get underway. This will be longer than every other post I do, and I do apologise from the get go for that, but it has to be done just so I can explain the little project I have. I’m really looking forward to this year, probably because this is technically my first full season…

What? A little bit about me? That would make sense. Yes, as I left you in suspense with the cryptic ending of my last paragraph, like the new season of Game of Thrones, I shall now give way too much exposition because I’ve run out of the story which I have been spoon-fed up until now. I started my FPL career in the great yonder years of the previous one. A lackadaisical nature and too much traffic on the site caused me to miss out on GW1 of my FPL noob year. Classic noob beginning. It wasn’t all noob and gloom, though, finishing with an average but respectable 160K after the aforementioned unfortunate event which Lemony Snicket would be less inclined to write about. My dream for this season is to break the top 50K, but bringing myself back down to earth, I encourage you to join me in my journey to 100K!

Enough about me, as you can see, I am no expert when it comes to FPL, but this was just something I wanted to give a go. This blog will consist of me telling you my team (duh) and the (dumb) reasoning behind it. Along with that, and what I briefly mentioned in my post yesterday, is a game I’m going to play with myself (like a sad, sad little boy) which I have titled: “Me vs. Me vs. Knee”. Catchy, I know. I often noticed last year that the thing which beat me was poor decision making, when choosing between two players. A flip of the coin decision, per se: I often made the wrong choice. Like everyone, this can be attributed to luck (or not researching enough… or luck), but I was curious to see how many points these types of decisions would account for in the grand scheme.

As such, I will have two teams starting in GW1 – completely identical to begin with – and each time I make a decision between two or three players, the other player will go into my 2nd team. If my 2nd team performs better overall this year… well next year I know never to listen to my fucking idiotic logic again; if not, and my main performs better, then who really gives a shit? That’s why the ‘Knee’ team has been brought in, in case of a runaway victor, I’ve created another team following each and every bandwagon under the sun, to discern if this could actually be an acceptable strategy. Realistically, this team should perform very averagely (I’m expecting around 350K) due to the sheer number of teams with similar players, and if my main doesn’t beat this, then I will undoubtedly cry in a corner like the little bitch I am. Captaincy for that team will work with the poll on reddit each week, and each transfer will either be the player with the most transfers, or the player who has the greatest proportional rise in ownership (undecided as to which). So that’s that: my shitty and pointless little game explained, any questions or improvements? *Edit: As it was brought up in the comment section, I would just like to say that I’ll be using Excel to keep track of the second team, and won’t be creating two competitive teams on the website! As you were…*

Onto my team(s) then:

Starting in goals we have one of the staples of my short FPL career, Big Ben Foster. Love this fucker, great 4.5m choice. I don’t expect him to keep a CS this week against Defoe and co. but he’s my choice for the long-haul, and their fixtures are pretty great, I’m expecting 2-4 CS in the first 6/7GWs and have the only viable 4.0 option available as backup, Elliot. Rafa better not buy a keeper or else he’ll see a strongly worded blog directed at him on his twitter feed, if he even has one? Does Rafa have a twitter? I mean, I could google that, but that’s quite a bit of work in this day and age. Welcome back to the Premier League Rafa, provide me with points and you’re alright in my books.

For defence we have a pretty standard line up of Yoshida (may be switched to Stephens following some injury concerns), Kolasinac, and Dann. I wanted a cheap defence to begin with as I don’t believe there is too much value to be made there until teams have settled and Chelsea and Spurs fixtures improve so the premiums are worthwhile. For now I’m happy with Danny Futurama and Ben, Who? Mee on my bench. Mee rotates perfectly with Dann, and Oul Danny boy fits in on GW2 which was the only time I needed a defender in the first 5 weeks, so I’m not fussed by Leicester’s awful start.

Midfield is where it begins to get interesting and potentially stupid. No attackers from last years’ top 2, I simply think their fixtures are absolute dogshit compared to other options. Up first and second is a wombo-combo from Merseyside, I’m putting all my Mane into a healthy Salah, using up my premium spots on Liverpool alone. I could switch them to Alli or KDB but I feel like over the first 2/3 weeks, they’ll be just as good value. Like Jon Snow last season, Alli is dead to me for 2 weeks and will be brought in on week 3. For now, let’s hope Watford take a few lessons from Ryan and let the ball slip on by a few times. Pogba is up next, for the simple reason that Matic will allow him to push up and he has solid stats. What I’m hoping to be the bargain punt of the year fills in my 4th spot, Milivojevic: A 5.0m nailed mid who takes frees AND penalties is going straight into my team all day. A clinker of a free in pre season is sign of good tidings to come, me thinks. Tom Carroll is up last, assigned to the bench, but could be a decent player when called upon, especially if Siggy leaves and he takes over set pieces.

Forwards is where most debate seems to be centred around, and my front three has a notable absence, but I think it’s a formidable lineup. Lukaku is up first, no explanation needed, just a look at the almost 50% ownership was enough to make me cake my pants and bring him in. Unlike Brutus, Backstabbidiani is being given a chance to redeem himself in my eyes. The final spot is reserved for King Kun. With Jesus on his side, here’s hoping a rotation-heavy schedule for City will not deter his bags of potential. 2+ goals against Brighton to prove the naysayers wrong? The player capable of the biggest haul over the first few weeks IMO. He has something to prove and I think he’ll do it. Yeah, fuck you Kane! Please don’t hurt me.

Captain: KING KUN LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO!!!

KNEEJERKERS – Team Name – “Red Arrow to the Knee”

I realise this has been a fuck-off long post, so I’m going to post a picture of the Kneejerker team, simply because they were chosen by ownership. In order to keep in line with funds, I chose those in each price bracket with the highest ownership as I couldn’t fit in every high % player. One thing I will say is this: WHY IN THE FUCK IS KANTE AT 16.8%, WHO THE FUCK IS PICKING HIM AND ACTUALLY NEVERMIND KEEP IT THAT WAY SO NO ONE TAKES MY SWEET MILI AWAY FROM ME! Another thing, I’ve had to do which truly turns my stomach was to pick Angel fucking Rangel. Motherfuckers. TV on this team was gonna be insane and now he’s just there shitting on everyone. Ah well, I must bend the knee to it’s own will. Fuck Daenarys.

Wow, I didn’t mean for this to be as long as it is. If you’re still here, then I commend you. Any thoughts on my teams, or my project, feel free to comment and tear it all to shreds. I’m pretty happy with everything all in all, and excited for my little project to spread it’s wings, burn some cunts and then get shot by a guy with a crossbow. Yeah, How to Train your Dragon was a fun-filled adventure. Thanks for reading, comment on what point you stopped reading. Any feedback is greatly appreciated, even if you think you’ve had more enjoyable dumps than this, let me know. Until next time, thanks for being a part of my first official blog post, and go do something actually productive like switching Mane for Salah for the 100th time. If this is the last time I see you, good luck for the year ahead!

SSS.