Crack open a cold (war) one: ‘The Americans’ Drinking Game

If you like peak TV, you’re probably a fan of the prestige drama The Americans. It’s a show that has something for everyone – spies, sex, drama, dressup, and Felicity (with hair intact).

We are eternally bummed this current season will be its last, so to numb the pain we devised this drinking game. Who we are drinking for:

Phillip Jennings

Elizabeth Jennings

Henry Jennings

Paige Jennings

Stan Beeman

Clark Westerfeld

Martha Hanson

FBI Mail Robot

Oleg Burov

Nina Krilova

The Jenning’s Travel Agency

The “Americans’” KGB handlers

The KGB Rezident

Renee

Matthew

Pastor Tim

And more . . .

Take a sip/glug/slurp when:

Someone undergoes a disguise change

Shady wig? Bad glasses? Terrible makeup? Start chugging.

Anyone says “the Americans”

Likely pronounced by (the) Soviets

Anti-Soviet propaganda is taught at school or on TV

Sing “The Star Spangled Banner”, goddammit.

D.C. is cold / snowy

And hopefully as frosty as your drink is.

The phone rings

It’s always in the middle of something – and never a good omen.

Someone mentions going to bed

Might as well drink, because the conversation just interrupted will never get picked up again.

Anyone wears bad 80s jeans

Easy with this one – ya girl Paige has a wardrobe loaded with ‘em.

There is a scene at the ministry

Let’s get super holy.

Pastor Tim writes in his diary

“Are you there, God? It’s me, Timmy.” The dude is such a Judy Blume character it’s unreal.

Anyone smokes weed

Blaze up, friends! This is the good Afghani stuff ℅ the Center.

Elizabeth smokes a cancer stick

extra points if you fancy blazing one up yourself (and looking super intense as you do)

Elizabeth works on a drawing

much talent, such wow

Elizabeth talks to Henry

Mom of the year?!

Elizabeth spouts anti-American / pro-Communist rhetoric

extra drink if you think all sides are wrong

Elizabeth says something particularly cruel

Putting ideology before family never made you more thirsty.

Phillip and/or Elizabeth lies to the kids

Good parenting 101.

Anyone mentions Henry or Henry appears

because he’s the only character with badass Misha genes who actually thinks he is meek Phillip’s offspring

Henry plays video games or hockey

Take a larger sip if you’re immediately filled with envy.

Henry goes to Stan’s house

Go on, have a can of coke, you crazy kid!

The travel agency is mentioned or we visit the travel agency

“Yes, hello. I’d like to book a flight to shitfaced, for departure immediately.”

There is a scene in EST or EST is mentioned

More mysterious than life after ten drinks.

Phillip does the books

Take an extra slurp if he looks super sad while doing so.

Phillip develops photos

Why is this so adorable? It’s adorable.

Phillip puts his cowboy boots on and/or goes line-dancing

Yeehaw! AMERICA! Miller High Life!

Phillip pulls a legendary sad face

Oh shit – go easy on this one or you’ll be hammered within five minutes.

Stan & Phillip have a beer

Really go to town on your drink if it happens to be a Miller High Life. Actually, unless it’s Stan & Phillip, NO DRINKS while any other characters are drinking – this ain’t no comedy, people.

Phillip lies to Stan

The sourest drink of them all.

Stan’s facial tick emerges

Keep an eye on the left side of the agent’s face to inspire your “drinking tick”.

Matthew appears or is mentioned

Also: do an air guitar solo.

Renee appears

If she’s wearing neon, spandex, or leg warmers, get up and do a star jump. If she’s wearing a power suit, look miserable af.

The FBI’s mail robot is mentioned

That mail robot is legit too pure for this world.

Said mail robot appears

Hold a hand to your heart and raise a glass to that goddamn hero while you’re at it.

People go into the FBI “vault”

Drink all those secrets in, folks.

Stan does something illegal

Such a rebel.

KGB or FBI agents get a new assignment

Spy Basics 101

KGB agents get a new handler

Take an extra large glug if you immediately hate him/her.

We meet a new KGB agent

Now it’s a party!

A honeypot scheme is underway

always ends well

Someone has sex in the line of duty

particularly awesome – and oddly professional

A character goes to a lock-up

Be stealthy; don’t slurp.

Someone holds a flashlight in their mouth

Don’t swallow your drink until they’re holding that damn thing with their actual hands.

When there’s a bug (we know about) in the scene

Drink that tension down.

Someone plants a bug

Climb behind the couch and take a discreet clandestine sip, you stealthy bastard.

Anyone goes into the Jennings’ basement

a.k.a. official spy business

Anyone deciphers a code

Salute that Nancy Drew motherfucker!

Anyone uses a fake ID to access anything

Hold up – you are over 21 and legitimately who you say you are, right? Good, cool. Just checking. Not paranoid at all.

Someone goes to a safe house

Also: go to your own “safe house” and stock up on supplies (the fridge for more beer).

Someone stays at a motel

Refill the ice bucket.

Any character changes cars

unnecessary – yet thrilling

Anyone goes to a dead drop

Shit is about to go down.

Oleg appears

ya boy!!!

The Rezident appears

Be on your best behavior, comrades.

There is a flashback to the USSR

on your feet in respect for the “home country”, comrade

Anyone speaks Russian

Definitely don’t do that Russian impression everyone is sick of (unless you’re alone, in which case go to town, buddy); extra sip if it’s Keri Russell butchering her own name.

Anyone mentions Nina

polite swigs if pre-death; gigantic glugs if post-

Martha cries

Splash some of your drink on your face in solidarity.

Martha mentions children

Obsessed much?

Martha is in Russia

poor Martha

Someone defects

nervous swigging only, please

Someone is locked in a car trunk

Drink long and hard if terrible things are most definitely going to happen to them.

Anyone dies

Pour one out for your fallen crony.

Elizabeth kills someone

Make that a badass sip, ladies & gentlemen.

Phillip kills someone

sad face mandatory during gulp

Someone is poisoned

LOL – fucking amateurs

Someone disposes of a body

Dispose of your empties.