Science and Technology: A team of American psychiatrists have identified a new illness they are calling Streaming Internet Video Attention Deficit Disorder, or Youtube Expectation Syndrome (Y.E.S.).

Dr Magartha Park, head of the University of Calfornia’s Investigative Protopsychiatry team, describes Y.E.S. as “an increasingly commonplace disorder whereby the sufferer is unable to concentrate on online media for more than a few seconds, before getting bored and frustrated at the time taken to get to the freaking point already.”

The disorder, which they have nicknamed Kitten-Span, is unresponsive to Ritalin and other mood stabilisers. It may lead to greater impatience in later life, as well as an intolerance of more complicated stimulation such as reality TV programmes, jeopardy game shows or that increasingly marginalised study aid, ‘books’, which are now available on Kindle.

Dr Park described the experience of Patient Q (named after the playful pan-dimensional idiot-god from StarTrek: The Next Generation):

“Q would sit in front of the internet, prepared for a video of a cat reacting hilariously to something surprising. The video was 1 minute 40 seconds long, but she had to skip the first 1 minute 20, so she could see the important bit. When she saw it she said it ‘sucked’ and immediately clicked something else. And this kid wants to be a surgeon.”

Recognition of the condition has been welcomed by many leading psychology professionals across the world, and Y.E.S. is likely to be considered for the next revision of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic Manual. Various cognitive behavioural therapy techniques, particuarly the widely-accepted Sit Down, Shut Up And Concentrate method, are bound to be reassessed in light of the findings.

Dr Park’s team are not without their critics, however, who have attacked her conclusions, and indeed the whole conceptual basis behind Y.E.S., as “an epic fail,” and “weak”. One prominent British pyschiatrist described it as “fucking gay lol”, and even went on to say “N.O.”

