What's the difference between a banjo and a hammered dulcimer?

A hammered dulcimer burns longer.

What's the difference between an onion and a hammered dulcimer?

No one cries when you cut up a hammered dulcimer.

What's the difference between a hammered dulcimer player driving a car and a frog driving a car?

The frog is more likely to be driving to a paying gig.

What do you say to a hammered dulcimer player in a three-piece suit?

"Will the defendant please rise..."

Why did the idiot decide to take up hammered dulcimer?

To get rich

How do you make a million dollars playing hammered dulcimer?

Start with 2 million.

What do you call a hammered dulcimer at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start

What do you call a hammered dulcimer on dry land?

Kindling