Travel in the United States has been deeply changed in the seventeen months since the Trump Presidency. Let’s look at the best States to visit in Donald Trump’s America:





A State of Panic

This has to be the most popular State to visit at the moment. If you want a place to enjoy commiserating with friends and family, this is absolutely the state to be. Equipped with an endless flood of cable news, the Doomsday Clock, and a countdown until the next state primary election, you can bask in the asphyxiating ocean of neverending, horrifying information. And don’t worry, every natural disaster you see will be paired perfectly with a political scandal that has you wonder if 242 years may be the maximum for the survival of a representative democracy. Great spot!





A State of Crippling Anxiety

If the information flood seems like a little much, the State of Crippling Anxiety provides a pitch-black environment of constant unease and suspense as you prepare yourself for what will inevitably come. You may have visited the State of Panic and it was not for you, so you shut yourself off from that strobe light that is the American news cycle, and here you sit. Relaxed? Not in the slightest. To be unaware of current events is to constantly assume the worst. So come to a state of Crippling Anxiety and enjoy the terrifying, foreboding quiet. So chill!





A Police State

One of the most prevalent destinations in this era is the Police State. And, if you are coming from outside the country, you may be lucky enough to visit against your will! Here, local law enforcement is replaced by officers with a more unique approach. This State offers fun activities for all ages! Including field trips for your kids to overnight camp in a building that used to be a WalMart, as well as some gambling games for the adults like the classic “Will I Be Given My Due Process Rights?” and “Will I Ever See My Children Again?” Come to the Police State to be given the V.I.P. (Violent Intruding Person) treatment. How unique!





A State-Funded Campaign Rally

If you have deep, insightful political views, but prefer to describe them in three-word chants, this is the State for you. The State-Funded Campaign Rally is a perfect place to meet your significant other, it provides all the functionality of Tinder without all the inconveniences of being turned down by a woman because you told her that the #MeToo movement is a hoax. And while you are chanting about that government swamp that misused the tax money that was ripped from your hard-working hands, take a look at that massive JumboTron screen, and relish in the new allocation of you precious hard-earned dollars. So much fun!





An Empire State of Mind

Though this state may stir thoughts of Jay-Z’s liberal anthem touting stories of urban success, the Empire State of Mind pulls you into the cocaine-fueled life of an ‘80s businessman in Manhattan. In this State, you will refuse to compensate the working-class atop which your have built your empire, You will instead use the money you earn (and that which you collect from your charity) to cover up all of your crimes and misdeeds (including the fact that you do not compensate that working class). Though it is a luxurious life, you will spend most of your time here failing to make your father proud of you, and you will eventually regress to writing down every braggadocious statement of pride you wish he had said about you, and tweeting it. Cool stuff!





A Foreign State

If none of these locations sound particularly interesting to you, you may be looking into more exotic, and permanent, travel: the Foreign State. Just know, no matter how far you run, you can never escape the falling ruins as the world’s most powerful democracy crumbles. Oh well!







