Photo: The Howard Stern Show

HOW TO CALL THE HOWARD STERN SHOW

A fan blog by Joe Howes (aka RjakActual on Reddit)

I’ve never called in to the show, but I felt like posting something about callers.

Howard has some GREAT callers, but I think some callers who COULD be great screw up their chance because of a few simple mistakes.

I’m no expert, but I really feel that avoiding these simple caller mistakes, which obviously annoy Howard, can increase your chances of making a great call:

1) Get to the point IMMEDIATELY: “Long time/first time” is interesting to one person in the universe — you. No one else cares.

2) I repeat …. get to the point IMMEDIATELY. Don’t waste your valuable up-front time with “Hey Howard!!”, or “How ya doin’ Howard!!”, or “Hello? Hello? Howard???”. If the mood is right, shoot him a quick “Hey now” and then get to the point. It’s probably confusing being in the queue and then suddenly BAM you’re on the air, but just talk. If you’re not on the air, no one will know, because you’re not on the air.

3) Use a reliable phone. Make sure you call in using a line you’ve previously tested with other people. You might call people all the time and hear them clearly, but that means THEY have a good line, not you. You have to ask people “Am I dropping out? Can you hear me? Is there static?” You have to be proactive these days about verifying your call quality.NOTE: u/thedevilsdictionary gave the number of an echo line you can call (I verified it works) to hear back your own call quality: 909-390-0003.

4) If you want to talk about yourself, make sure your story is VERY interesting, and make sure the story can be told, with the interest maximized, in under 20 seconds. If there are details you want to include but don’t need to include, leave them out. Howard is a grand master ninja interviewer, give him a reason to dig deeper and find out more.

5) Know that some of the best callers say one or two sentences and then drop out. They know the show, they know Howard, and they simply bring up a conversation point they know Howard will run with. Wack packers get to avoid most of these rules because they’re interesting. If you’re just a regular caller, a short contribution can be AWESOME.

6) If you’ve piqued Howard’s interest and he’s talking, SHUT THE F*CK UP. Don’t talk over him, and don’t make him turn down your volume.

This can be tough, because I’m sure once you’re on the air, your excitement gets the better of you, especially new callers. You have to resist that shit. Howard doesn’t hang up on interesting callers.

If he’s talking about what you said, YOU’VE WON. Hang on, wait for a pause to interject again, wait for him to ask you something.

Maybe I’m out of line because I’ve never called, but as a listener, callers who avoid these mistakes are my favorite.