



[THIS POST IS SATIRE. YES IT IS OFFENSIVE. THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT FUNNY.]





So it's been 1 month since you returned from China and mommy has kicked you out.







You've managed to stave off homelessness but that tiny basement apartment in crack-town isn't quite considered an achievement yet. Rainy has since left you for a fuerdai she was secretly wechatting with before arriving in Anglosphere.





Undeterred, you throw yourself back in the dating game. Tinder is an utter fail, as years of cheap Tsingtao made your physical appearance go downhill.

But surprisingly, someone swipes right. And low and behold, she's WHITE!!! You trade a few msgs and she's interested to hear about your travels.





Oh shit, a date with a white girl; the second most elusive unicorn for Asia's esl sexpats, just behind the well paying job. You throw on your camo shorts and flip flops, moldy toes exposed, and head for cocktails at a bar that according to yelp, will have you eating instant noodles for the next month.





Immediately you realize there is no language barrier or cultural differences to hide your dysfunctional personality and rampant racism. You are no longer Mr. Shuaige, she sees right through you like your hole ridden t-shirt. Her responses begin to feel condescending, enraged you blame feminism for polluting white women. You miss your Rainy who thought your white trash behaviour was a normal western trait.





The bill arrives, you're pissed you have to pick it up. The waiter scans your card, "insufficient funds".





She laughs and leaves you to deal with the aftermath.

This is your dating life.

(YES WE DO APPRECIATE THE IRONY POSTING THIS ONE DAY AFTER TALKING ABOUT CHINESE RACISM. THIS WOULD MOST CERTAINLY HAPPEN TO MR. GLOBALNEWS. WE GET INSANE REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK EVERY TIME WE HEAD BACK "HOME"!)









My Wife's RACIST Chinese Nationalism Scares Me

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