COKID-24/7

Surviving as a family through the most bizarre event of our lives.

I love my kids. They mean the world to me. When I first got the news I’d be spending a little more time at home coupled with their day-care closing for a while, I thought:

“No big deal. We’ll make an adventure of it.”

Then day one happened.

It’s safe to assume most humans function better with routines. Kids seem to operate not at all without them. My wife and I figured we’d get there, but we’d let day one ride out like our intentions for loading up on groceries at Costco after the entire state had their full.

The day started with chocolate waffles, our regular breakfast staple. Before the waffles had any chance of cooling, Lily came shooting around the corner with a Rice-Krispie treat in her hand.

“Lily, are you eating a Rice-Krispie treat?” “What dad? It’s a no school day.”

I quickly realized that a “no school day” meant “I can do whatever I want” in my young daughter’s bearing on reality.

“Are we going to watch Blippie now?” “No. We’re going outside immediately.” “To do what, dad?” “Let’s collect sticks.”

It seemed like a good idea. Maybe they could get into it, I thought.

So we gathered sticks for about ten minutes. And then their cheeks flushed red prompted voices at highest pitch whining about the sun being too bright causing a Pavlov’s bell-type reaction in me, satisfied only by slamming my head against a pile of bricks perhaps.

One of our goals over the COVID-19 outbreak, like many families across the world, is to ratchet back on spending. But I put up very little resistance when my wife peered over the patio, as the serpent to eve, and suggested we subscribe to Disney Plus over this short while.

Ten minutes of gathering sticks proved all the convincing I needed.

“Sure.” “You girls want to go upstairs and watch Frozen 2?” “Yes. Yes. Let’s do that!”

It wasn’t quite 9 am, and we’d succumb to soliciting the television for parental duties. I looked at my wife.

“Let’s make a plan.”

We circled that idea like maggots to rot, doing as best we could to layout an achievable daily guide, while the girls remained mesmerized by the movie they’d seen five times over already.

We’ve been on lockdown for a week now, and the solutions we found from day one’s failures have given us hope that perhaps we’ll make it out alive with our love yet intact. Here’s a look at those:

Share the Load

My wife, Kristy, is a teacher. Instead of tackling their learning together, she’d be solely responsible for it. While their morning starts with a simple educational activity, I slip out the backdoor to work where I clean and complete other necessary duties. I use this time to grab a little breather in the car and then while I disinfect upholstery, cabinets, and chairs.

Upon my return, I take the girls outside for exercise. Kristy gets a chance to steal a little shuteye with our nine-month-old as they dive into an afternoon nap.

I train the older girls for an hour or until they pass out on the only patch of grass that holds a bit of shade.

By day three, my three and five-year-old had assimilated to their new routine as though this was just another necessary part of their lives.

I’ve noticed how incredibly malleable kids can be as long as the expectations are crystal clear.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

Use This Time to Be With Those You Love

I’ve watched an enormity of people over the internet encourage and motivate each other to use this time to do something great. To write a book or finally complete that home project. That’s wonderful. If one feels inspired towards those efforts, then have at it. But if you have a family, and put hope in this hiatus from regular life being some monastic retreat of sorts to conquer the dreams you’ve always had but never had time or courage for, then one of two things is bound to happen:

1. You’re going to be very disappointed

2. You’re going to resent your family.

After you’ve given your husband or wife a little alone time, there’s still going to be a lot of time left on the clock. We try to give each other about two hours a day of space to catch our sanity or remove the fork from a near attempt to gouge our eyes out. But after that, I’m quite happy to draw with my girls, chase them around the house, and play teacher until they’ve moved me into a corner, scolding me for not doing my homework. Being present to the needs of my family is nobler, more creative, and worthier than any accomplishment that is or not yet in the canyons of my heart.

It’s okay to be present to your tribe and take a break from the mission, the call, or the higher pursuit. One might find the brightest dream you’ve ever had is standing right in front of you about to spill her plate of food on the couch.

Turn the News Off

Watch a little morning or evening update on the local news channel, but keep it to a minimum. Hysteria sells. Panic is much easier to fill hours of conversation than a good story or heaven forbid, a corona recovery patient. The tension that keeps one glued to the screen is the same tension that bleeds into the atmosphere of one’s day. Ask Siri to play What a Beautiful World or the new Frozen Two theme song. It’s a much better way to spend the energy of your ears. We tell the girls in the morning and evening that we’re going to watch a bit of the news and that it’s time for them to play by themselves. Then the tv is turned off for the rest of the day, and as best as we can, we try to keep the activity on our phones limited to communication or the occasional meme that produces a whirlwind of laughter.

Go Outside/Exercise

We’re fortunate to be in living in Hawaii. As much as possible, we try to spend a lot of time in the sunlight. We have a favorite walk that we like to do at least once every two days. Our newly paved driveway offers a slab of concrete for a host of different games or a quick five-minute jump roping session to elevate the heartbeat and produce a string of sweat. Our children are best friends with our good friends’ kids who happen to be our neighbors. We see each other daily, while the kids play on the fence that borders our house. They walk up and down, in and out of the brush and weeds while the light turns their faces red. When we’re careful to notice an incoming slump of crummy attitudes we try to get outside and exercise.

Hardship is an opportunity for character and goodness to overcome the narrative that seeks to pull one into a sea of gloom. I’ve realized we can’t merely live this time with only a whim of good intentions. But little, daily, practical decisions turn into actions that preserve and grow our relationships we hold so dear.

Don’t let the quarantine go by without a script. The worst thing we can do as families is to allow the temporary comfort of Netflix and Youtube to drag us into a quarry of distance from the people we love. In such a unique time, small daily disciplines can prompt our relationships towards prosperity while the outside world looks like a field of mire. Make a plan. Stick to it. You’ll be better for it when they eventually let us out of our houses again.