Best of Campus Watch

2014 Campus Watch Top 10

10. Two Bits, Three Bits, Four Bits…A Dollar

PERRY-CASTAÑEDA LIBRARY, 201 East 21st Street

Public Intoxication: A prospective student, who was staying in Jester Dormitory during new student orientation, was found supine on a retaining wall located on the southeast side of the library. Upon closer inspection, it was discovered the prospective student was covered in his own evidence of an involuntary physical reaction to the over-consumption of an alcoholic beverage. Once awakened, the prospective student admitted to having consumed 20 -yes 20, shots of vodka at a near-by private student house. The prospective student was not sure of his location or the time, but he did have a handle on the shrinking value of a dollar as he believed a dollar was worth two dimes. The prospective student was found to be under the influence of an alcoholic beverage to the point he was a danger to himself and apparently our economy. Occurred on 07/02/14 at 4:25 AM.

9. Don’t Know What to Say About this One Other Than

I Am Glad He Was Too Drunk to Accomplish What He

Set Out to Do

1500 San Antonio

Public Intoxication / Evading Arrest or Detention / Assist Outside Agency: A hard working officer exited a local “stop and rob” (convenience store) after taking a short break, only to be approached by someone wishing to report an individual who had attempted to stab the officer’s marked patrol car tire. When the subject was located, he refused to comply with the officer’s directions and verbally protested the officer’s presence and commands. The subject fled to a near-by parking lot where it was his intention to “drink his beer.” When the subject was stopped it was determined he had already consumed enough beer as he was found to be under the influence of an alcoholic beverage to the point he was a danger to himself, others and if nothing else, the patrol vehicle’s tires. The subject was also found to have an outstanding outside agency arrest warrant for smoking in a public place. While the subject was found to be in possession of sharp pointed objects, he lacked the coordination or physical abilities to cause damage to the patrol car’s tire. Occurred on 06/06/14 at 11:40 AM.

8. Be Careful What You Ask For...

200 East 21st Street

Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT police officer was minding his own business while driving down the road when through his open car window he heard a UT student yell the word "cops" that was preceded by a mumbled word the officer could not detect. Believing the student may need police assistance, the student, who was under the age of 21, was stopped. The student admitted the unknown word was in fact a less sophisticated word for the act of procreation. The student did need police services as he was found to have previously consumed alcoholic beverages. Occurred on 10/24/14 at 1:00 AM.

7. He Takes the Checkered Flag

2300 Guadalupe

Reckless Driving – Racing: Two vehicles were observed stopped at a red light. When the light turned green, both vehicles accelerated to a high rate of speed. One of the vehicles slowed when they reached approximately 40 MPH. The other continued to accelerate to a speed nearing 70 MPH. The non-UT driver of the “winning” vehicle admitted to have been trying to out accelerate the driver of the other vehicle. That subject took his victory lap in the back of a squad car. Occurred on 03/27/14 at 2:17 AM.

6. That Which Was Lost is Now Found

JESTER ACADEMIC CENTER, 201 East 21st Street

Found Property: A staff member reported finding a blue bag in a 1st floor restaurant. The bag contained a coffee mug, a pipe and a plastic bag containing .22 ounces of a green leafy substance – the substance was definitely not oregano. If you just so happened to have lost this property, then please feel free to come by the police department – there is an officer who would like to speak to you. Reported on 08/28/14 at 1:49 PM.

5. Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

MEZES HALL, 154 West 21st Street

Disrupting a Meeting or Procession / Assault by Contact / Criminal Trespass / Criminal Trespass Warning: Where do I start? The UT Police Department responded to a call of two subjects dressed in costumes that would tend to cause some of us older folks to ruminate to our childhood Saturday morning cartoons. The "cat and mouse" were reported as dancing around the South Mall prior to entering Mezes Hall classrooms where they disrupted classes that were in session. The two were accompanied by two other non-UT subjects who were capturing their tales on video. The four were later located inside the PCL Library engaging in the same Tom and Jerry foolery. The investigation revealed one of the four subjects had previously received a written criminal trespass warning. That subject was also reported to have run his hand down the back of a female student inside a Mezes classroom. The two "cartoons" were found to have disrupted a meeting or procession when they stopped educational classes in session. They were subsequently taken to the pound or what many of us would call jail. The other two were issued written criminal trespass warnings and directed to leave the campus. Reported on 09/17/14 at 5:11 PM.

4. No Zombie Apocalypse Here

CAMPUS WIDE

All brains on campus have been accounted for. http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/12/03/texas-missing-brains/19819601/

3. In The Spirit of Things

FRANK ERWIN SPECIAL EVENTS CENTER, 1701 Red River

Assault by Contact: Two non-UT and unrelated subjects were seated in the Frank Erwin Special Events Center to watch their children participate in a cheerleading camp. One of the parents leaned forward to speak to another person which obstructed the view of the other parent. Because the leaning parent was not transparent, the other parent became upset and poked the leaning parent with her finger to direct her to move. A few minutes later, a friend of the poking parent arrived so the assaultive parent poked the opaque parent again and told her to move to another seat. In true "We've got spirit; yes we do. We’ve got spirit; how about you" fashion, the now poked twice parent returned the finger poke before both were separated. Neither parent was injured or wished to file charges. Occurred on 06/12/14 at 10:20 AM.

2. Let the Food Wars Begin

CHEMICAL PETROLEUM ENGINEERING, 200 East Dean Keeton

Assault: A disturbance was reported inside a 2nd floor classroom. Officers located the subjects involved and learned a private company was presenting an informational session about their company for students. One UT student arrived, gathered a complimentary sandwich that was provided for by the company and sat through approximately 30 minutes of the presentation before leaving the classroom. One of the company representatives met the student in the hallway to debate the ethics of taking a sandwich and not staying for the entire presentation. The student then discarded the sandwich in the trash. The company representative retrieved the sandwich and launched it at the student’s back. The student and another UT student later approached the company representative to file a complaint. The other UT student was reported to have lightly pushed the company representative prior to all parties separating. None of the involved parties wished to file charges. Reported on 09/22/14 at 7:50 PM.

1. What Starts Here Changes the World

JESTER CENTER WEST, 201 East 21st Street

Public Intoxication: While investigating the above case, a UT Police Officer observed a UT student, who was under the age of 21, fall to the ground near the officer's feet as the student entered the dormitory. The student produced a ticket stub when asked for identification. The student stated he was drunk but could still do calculus. The officer asked the student what 1 divided by "X" as "X" approaches infinity equaled and the student correctly answered "0" making his former calculus teachers very proud. Apparently, the student was too intoxicated to handle lesser math as he originally stated he had consumed a shot and two drinks of "mystery punch" but then counted the drink tally as 5 shots and 4 drinks of the punch. The student tried to bargain with the officer and offered a home cooked meal for his release. When the officers declined, the student demanded more calculus problems before expelling some of the alcohol from his system on a table. The obviously tired student laid his head down in the splash zone before an ambulance arrived to transport him to a local hospital for alcohol poisoning. Occurred on 02/22/14 at 2:39 AM.