Preamble John Terry got us into this mess by eschewing a simple handshake and choosing instead to sate his grubby urges by irrevocably damaging the life of a perfectly decent human being and also a small child; as a consequence we now have the vaguely farcical scenario of a significant football match – Chelsea go four points clear if they win; City go fourth if they draw – being overshadowed by a handshake. A handshake. You know, the thing that is occasionally used to significant a vital political breakthrough, an initiation and the like. Oh, football.

What I would like to happen I'm not picky, any of these will do.

1) Bridge goes straight to his position at left-back when he comes out of the tunnel, not even bothering to disguise his contempt for the absurd sham that is "The Respect Handshake".

2) The entire City team refuse to shake Terry's hand, citing the age-old juvenile excuse that they don't know where it's been.

3) Bridge does a Banzai Mr Shake Hands Man number on Terry, holding the handshake for almost four minutes. A confused Terry, who doesn't know whether he's being mocked, forgiven or about to appear on This Is Your Life, responds with a headbutt and receives an 84-year ban from football as a result.

John Terry's take on it all ""I will offer my hand and be prepared to shake his." Cheers, John! Good of you to forgive him, John!

From afar, Terry seems like a peculiarly English streak of odiousness; the sort who, despite being guilty of some palpably indefensible behaviour, is able to ignore all logic and manufacture their own grievance so that they can behave like they have been wronged. All very strange. All very English. Whoever was responsible for the despicable attempt to discredit Bridge a couple of days ago, be it Terry or one of Team Homewrecker, needs to talk a good long look in the mirror. Trouble is, they do, many times a day, and they see nothing bad looking back at them. Oh, England.

Team Terry apparently reckon Bridge is a bottler. How might such a character trait manifest itself, I wonder.

"The front page of theguardian.com/sport says that Portsmouth are going to be 'cut to the bone'," says Mac Millings. "In the circumstances, that seems like an appropriate punishment for John Terry, too."

Putting popular misconceptions to bed department The received wisdom is that Terry did not allegedly do anything with Ms Perroncell while she was still going out with Bridge.

a) So what? They were close friends. Anyone seeking to defend Terry on any grounds wants to be asking Santy Claus for a new moral compass as well as a year's supply of wasps to chew on come December.

b) This story suggests otheriwse. "The affair the Chelsea star tried to hide from the world began after his pal Bridge left Chelsea for Manchester City last year. Terry kept it under wraps until we caught him sneaking off to her home for secret romps after away games and training. He had already laid the groundwork by flirting heavily with leggy Vanessa while Bridge was still at Chelsea - KISSING and playing FOOTSIE with her under his wife's nose on team nights out." That's right: KISSING and FOOTSIE with LEGGY VANESSA.

Of course, this is how real men settle things. I particularly like the long-haired gentleman trying to stop the egg-white-haired gentleman breathing by smothering him with his breasts.

Team news Florent Malouda stays at left-back despite the availability of Paulo Ferreira. Joe Cole starts. Hard to say whether City's formation will be as below, or 4-4-2 with Johnson wide right and Barry wide left. I suspect the former.

Team Terry (4-1-4-1) Hilario; Ivanovic, Carvalho, Terry, Malouda; Mikel; J Cole, Ballack, Lampard; Anelka; Drogba.

Subs: Turnbull, Paulo Ferreira, Kalou, Sturridge, Matic, Alex, Belletti.

Team Bridge (4-1-4-1) Given; Richards, Kompany, Lescott, Bridge; De Jong; A Johnson, Zabaleta, Barry, Bellamy; Tevez.

Subs: Taylor, Onuoha, Wright-Phillips, Santa Cruz, Sylvinho, Toure, Ibrahim.

Pre-match emails

"Anyone else pining for the days of Mark Stein and David White?" - Niall Mullen.

"What a brilliant game this is already. It's like being part of a morality play. I just wish Brian Glover was around to play God" - Ian Copestake.

"Mac Millings is some kind of emailing-in wonder. Every one of these MBMs he pops up. Perhaps he should be secured on contract?" - Peter Crosby.

"I can't believe I got up at 7 in the morning on a Saturday for a bloody handshake" - Aidan Gibson.

"Oh, Rob. Please stop the oh, riff. It's very oh-nnoying" - Scott W.

"Fine piece on today's site. Am in foreign. This kind of of elaborate trivialization of human suffering is just what I missed. Well done go to top of the class" - Belette Holt Fente.

"Drew the long straw for this one eh Robbie? I'm off to bed, it's half past eleven on Saturday night here and I need my beauty sleep, but I want second by second analysis of the handshake that time forgot. Minute by minute just won't cut it today. How ridiculous is this whole sorry affair eh?" - Sean Boiling.

"About the 'oh' complaint. I don't want to feel mean. You are my favourite MBMer. And I really hope you get your Proper Journalism Award. Maybe it's a reference to something I don't get. I feel petty now" - Scott W.

A very special email. One so special that it deserves to stand alone "Tomorrow is Sunday that's the right day for preaching," says Rob in Dusseldorf. "He [allegedly - imaginary ed.] had an affair with Bridge's EX-GIRLFRIEND. She may do what she want; if this includes [allegedly - etc] shagging an odious [alleged - etc] nicker of handicapped parking spots, then that's her choice. If Bridge is cheesed off then tough! As for Terry the only apologies he needs to make are to his wife. I don't know if you are in a relationship but if you are such an angel I'm sure it owes more to lack of opportunity than to some strong morale backbone. It's easy to avoid temptation if there is none..."

That's right, reduce the argument to abusing me because I don't look like Brad Pitt. Well done Rob! Also, the main story on which society is basing its assumptions about this alleged affair makes it explicitly clear that they were engaged in certain activities while she was in a relationship with Bridge. As already stated earlier. It's not a David Lynch film, Rob.

12.44pm Bridge doesn't shake hands with Terry. It was Manchester City who had to walk towards the Chelsea players and Bridge, one of the last, looked Terry up and down, thought about it for a split second - and just kept walking. Hahaha, that was very funny.

1 min City are in their white away strip. Chelsea kick off from right to left.

2 min The death knell for a once proud country: Bridge gets his first touch and is roundly booed. As he goes to collect the ball for a throw-in, you can easily lipread one charming gentleman calling him a "fucking prick". I want none of this.

3 min A lively start from Chelsea, as you'd expect. No real dangerous attacks, though.

4 min "I appreciate this is orthogonal to the main points of interest in this game, but is anyone else impressed by City's away strip?" says David Wall. "Nice 70s-throwback-style, and tactfully small advertising logo. Seems that the guys from Abu Dhabi are not content with usurping Chelsea's status as the nouveau-riche of the Premier League, but also after the Londoners' reputation for sartorial elegance."

Agreed. There are some thing about City that don't exactly ooze claGARRYCOOKss, but that strip is great.

5 min Lampard thwangs miles over the bar from 25 yards.

6 min Chelsea are having all of the possession without yet doing anything of note. Tevez is very isolated for City, which I suppose is inevitable when you pick three central midfielders who rarely run in line with the ball, never mind beyond it.

7 min "Does anyone get the impression that Mancini really doesn't know his squad all that well?" asks Declan Johnston. "His constant dropping of Stephen Manchester from the line-up and acquiring of Vieira gives the impression that he isn't entirely familiar with the personnel, or at least didn't watch them play before taking over..."

I agree completely. And by the time he does know the squad, in the summer, it will probably be someone else's.

8 min Nothing is happening. Bridge is being booed every time he touches the ball, and it's not pantomime stuff either. "Are the Chelsea fans really booing Wayne Bridge for not shaking John Terry's hand?" John Donnelly. "Whatever your stance on John Terry's behaviour, on what possible set of moral scales does not shaking someone's hand outweigh cheating on your wife?" The English scales. Besides, they aren't booing him for that; they would have booed him even if he had kissed Terry on both cheeks. They are booing him because ACTUALLY THEY DON'T KNOW WHY THEY'RE BOOING HIM THEY JUST ARE ALRIGHT DO YOU WANT SOME EH EH?

10 min City have their first sustained spell of attacking, culminating in Adam Johnson being humped over from behind on the right wing, maybe 40 yards from goal. It's swung deep beyond the far post and volleyed into orbit by the stretching Kompany.

11 min "Terry should be reinstated as captain," says Ian Copestake, "because he is a perfect representative of little England."

12 min A fantastic effort from the left-back Malouda, a first-time shot from 35 yards that arrowed only a couple of yards over the bar. In fairness, Given pulled his hand away but it wonderfully struck.

13 min Bridge and Terry haven't been near each other as yet. You wouldn't expect them to, really, given their positions, unless maybe a corner pinballs around the box.

14 min Richards cleans Drogba out just outside the box on the left wing, a hopeless attempt at defending. It'll be taken by Drogba, who presumably will go straight for goal even though it's an awkward angle. In fact it's a bluff and he lays it back to the edge of the box for Lampard, whose shot is blocked.

15 min Richards misjudges Ivanovic's long angled cross. That gives Drogba space on the left of the box, but his chipped cross clears everyone and is cleared by Bridge.

18 min Adam Johnson's curving free-kick from 25 yards, to the right, is comfortably saved by Hilario. But Tevez, running across the line of the goalkeeper, wasn't far away from getting a touch. Thirty seconds later Given parries a shot from Joe Cole on the left side of the box. It was a fairly routine save, although Cole did nicely to beat Johnson on the right, come back infield and then crunch his shot towards goal. I like Joe Cole; I hope this is just an iffy spell for him rather than something more permanent.

20 min "I agree completely with your sentiments about Terry, but calling the booing of Bridge by Chelsea fans the death knell for a once proud nation is frankly [insert word here]," says Patrick Cullen. "Spectators at football matches have always had the privilege of safety in numbers allowing them to make socially unacceptable comments, the only thing that's changed through the years is the definition of what is socially unacceptable - and anyone who remembers the monkey noises and thrown bananas of only a few years ago knows things are moving in the right direction. Terry doesn't seem like a nice bloke, but the Chelsea fans are only doing what fans always try and do - back their team against the opposition any way they can." I'm not saying it's anything new, and obviously the death knell thing was a little hyperbolic, but come on: there may be in safety in numbers but you can be sure these fans would make the same point individually. And that's not really indicative of a healthy society, is it now?

21 min Chelsea have had 60 per cent possession but City's 7-0-3 formation has worked well in terms of smothering their attacks. Ninety minutes is a long time to hang on at Stamford Bridge, though.

24 min Bellamy, who would have been free on goal – albeit wide on the left – is wrongly given offside.

25 min Drogba misses a headed half-chance. He pulled off the dawdling Richards towards the far post onto a good, clipped cross from the right corner of the box by the ever-excellent Lampard. He needed to head it back whence it came into the far corner, but didn't judge it correctly and popped it tamely over the bar.

27 min "I can't help but actually feel a little disappointed by the (non)handshake," says Chris Kempshall. "I was rather hoping City might have approached Terry more along these lines."

28 min Anelka's 30-yard shot is easily saved by Given. This game is shocking. That's as much down to City's approach as anything. I'm not criticising them for that; I always played cagily away from home to bigger teams on Champo Manager.

30 min A eulogy to City, from Richard Clarke: "We're the Factory Records of football. In the same way world's best-selling 12", Blue Monday, made them a loss, we've won the league one season and got relegated the next while scoring over 100 goals... doh! More recently, our season's turning into 'Pills Thrills & Bellyaches', as a bunch of once-talented pitch musicians get loads of money thrown at them, forgot the plot (the Mondays did this on a cocaine and crack-fuelled West Indian island recording studio) and produce a moderately stiffing album everyone in the city was relying on to save the day."

31 min Kompany slices a clearance over his own bar, which leads to a Chelsea corner. It comes to nothing except a particularly unpleasant clash of heads between Drogba and Zabaleta. While Zabaleta is treated – and he looks extremely groggy – Bridge and Joe Cole have a chat and a laugh. Bad Joe! Naughty Joe!

35 min Zabaleta is off getting treatment. Richards, meanwhile, is having a shocker; he concedes another free-kick by the left touchline – and Malouda spanks it straight out of play on the other side of the pitch. Bizarre.

36 min Drogba fires over from eight yards. An excellent defensive header from Kompany sent the ball to the edge of the box, where the onrushing Lampard screwed his first time shot. It came to Drogba, on the turn and in line with the far post, but he curved a left-footed effort over the top. That was a good opportunity, if deceptively awkward.

38 min Anelka bursts dangerously infield from the left, past two defenders, but then hopelessly overhits his reverse pass to Joe Cole.

40 min Anelka zips dangerously infield from the left again. This time he lets fly from the edge of the box - and it is blocked by Frank Lampard! I reckon that was going in or would, at the very least, have drawn a fine save from Given.

41 min "When did the Guardian start believing that unsubstantiated gossip from unnamed sources in the NOTW must be treated as 'FACT'?" says Rod Boyle. "Do you read your own paper?" No, I try not to. At the risk of undermining your entire argument, I never asserted it was fact or anything of the kind. You are right, though: maybe Bridge dreamt it all! Like Bobby Ewing! Only with one of his best mates betraying him! And maybe Capello dreamt it to and that's why he sacked Terry!

GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Manchester City (Lampard 42) Chelsea's patience pays off with a fine goal from the marvellous Frank Lampard. It was made by Joe Cole, who got himself into a lovely position between defence and midfield, 35 yards out, and then stabbed an inviting pass down the side of the defence. Lampard, running diagonally from centre to right to the edge of the box, cut his first-time shot back across Given and in off the far post. A typically accomplished, economical Lampard goal, although the defending was not great: Kompany tried to push up for offside even though Richards, behind him, was five yards deeper and thus playing Lampard onside on the other side of the box.

45 min "Man City only threatened Liverpool with outbreaks of intense lethargy when they played at home," says Ian Copestake, "so I think this is their default style no matter what the opposition or where they play." Mancini is doomed, isn't he?

GOAL! Chelsea 1-1 Manchester City (Tevez 45) What a ridiculous goal! A huge punt out of defence from Bridge is backheaded by Mikel, on the halfway line, towards Terry. It goes straight through him and that allows Tevez to get his head down and charge towards goal. He reaches the edge of the area before going inside and then back outside the covering Carvalho and then, off balance after a sly trip from Terry, completely scuffs his shot across goal from the right side of the six-yard box. I actually turned away to type about how he'd missed and might have had a penalty, only to hear the laughter around the office as the ball went in. Somehow it dribbled past Hilario, who dived to his right but was deceived by the complete lack of pace, and into the corner. A shocking error from Hilario, and a comedy of errors for Chelsea. As shambolic as the goal was, you have to give huge credit to Tevez. He had literally no teammates within 50 yards of him. A triumph of the human spirit, that goal. Oh and the assist goes to Bridge, hilariously.

45+3 min Lescott misses a really good chance to give City the lead. A deep, inswinging free-kick from Bellamy on the left found him unmarked at the right corner of the six-yard box, but he headed the ball across goal and wide of the far post. It was awkward because he saw it late, his view obscured by Richards, but a goalscoring defender of his quality should have done better.

Half time: Chelsea 1-1 Manchester City Terry moans at the referee on the way off; no idea why. Also, seconds before the City goal Joe Cole was denied by Given from 10 yards, with Lampard muffing the follow-up.

Half-time emails

"Rob, I was avoiding having any opinion on the wretched Terry-Bridge nonsense, until yesterday I had the misfortune of stumbling across the Daily Mail's opinion on the situation. I felt so soiled by reading this piece that I am now firmly in Bridge's camp" - Alan Cooper.

"BOOO! JOHN TERRY! BOOO!" - Alex Netherton.

"Does the assist from Bridge and the error from Terry show that there is justice in football? Clearly Terry is a man who favours action over words, so perhaps that's his apology right there. Much more meaningful than some ghosted-column in the Sun. A man with such moral fortitude should be reinstated as England captain" - David Wall.

"If the script gods are reading could they make the following happen please: Chelsea are leading 2-1 thanks to a goal by Anelka (my Fantasy League team needs the points) in the 89th minute; John Terry sticks out a leg in the box and brings down any Man City player thereby awarding them a penalty and himself a red card; Wayne Bridge trundles up to him to 'encourage him off the pitch'; Wayne Bridge steps up, dinks the penalty past Hilario, and cups his hand to his ear to receive the adulation of 40,000 West London Blue Boys.

Unlikely, but a nice daydream" - Atif Ahmed.

46 min City kick off from right to left.

47 min The game has a touch more snap at the start of the second half, although that is not hard. When Ivanovic fouls Tevez, Terry helps him to his feet. A giant of a man.

48 min Adam Johnson slaloms infield from the right, easily away from Malouda and to the edge of the box, where is he cleaned out by Terry, who is booked. The free-kick is 20 yards out and right of centre; ideal for the left-footed Bridge... who rams it straight into the wall.

GOAL! Chelsea 1-2 Manchester City (Bellamy 51) A wonderful goal from Craig Bellamy! Chelsea were caught terribly on the counter, with Carvalho and Ivanovic stranded upfield, when Barry found Bellamy on the halfway line down the left wing. He was one on one against Mikel and, having run to within 20 yards of goal, roared past Mikel before driving a very careful left-footed shot into the far corner from a tight angle. Hilario should have done better but that was still a really good goal; clinical, smooth and classy.

55 min Terry plays a really gorgeous pass inside Richards for the onrushing Carvalho – similar to the one he played at the Emirates leading up to Drogba's opening goal – but his cross is claimed by Given.

57 min Modern football is odd. City are 2-1 up, but I bet they're the only one of the two teams who would take a draw right now.

59 min Our tools keep crashing; apologies for this. Ivanovic and Zabaleta have been booked in the last few minutes.

60 min "The handshake for those who missed it" says Adam Hirst.

61 min Three substitutions. For City, Wright-Phillips replaces Johnson; for Chelsea, Belletti replaces Mikel and Sturride replaces Cole, the latter decision bringing boos from the Chelsea fans.

63 min Tevez squares up to Terry after a challenge in the Chelsea penalty area. Terry won a goalkick by kicking the ball off Tevez, and then then they both stuck their chests into each other. It wasn't exactly footsie, so Mrs Tevez has nothing to worry about.

65 min "In an utterly uncharacteristic bid to talk about the bloody game - do you know what's up with Deco?" says Phil Podolsky. "Chelsea's effectiveness notwithstanding, their not infrequently witless displays suggest they could benefit greatly from his wily virtuosity."

Isn't he just a bit past it? That said, Chelsea have looked fairly witless today.

66 min Bellamy almost makes it 3-1. Tevez played a brilliant, lobbed crossfield pass inside the right-back Ivanovic. Bellamy scorched beyond him and into the area, but the ball bounced awkwardly and then enabled Ivanovic to get back and clear for a corner before Bellamy could get his shot in.

67 min A lovely solo run from Anelka, coming infield from the left, ends with a vicious strike that Given can only beat away. It was straight at him but Anelka strikes the ball so beautifully so there was no chance of catching it. Seconds later, Belletti drives a wonderful diagonal pass over the head of Lescott for Drogba, who chests it down and sees his shot blocked by Given. He was only a couple of yards out, but beyond the far post and that meant Given was right on top of him the moment he chested it down. Mike Dean gives a goalkick rather than a corner, and Ballack is booked for dissent.

69 min Chelsea's last substitution: Salomon Kalou replaces Ricardo Carvalho. So Ivanovic goes to centre-back, Belletti to right-back and Anelka to centre-forward in a 4-2-4 formation.

70 min Bellamy stings Hilario's buttered palms from 30 yards. It was a rudimentary save, though.

71 min "It will have been the City fans booing when Sturridge came on after he left on a free having demanded £70,000 a week contract despite being a 18-year-old squad member," says Peter Green, generously correcting my 61st-minute entry. "He makes Ashley Cole look humble."

72 min Chelsea are having most of the ball, as they have almost all game, but City are defending with as much comfort as can be expected while protecting a lead away to a side with such a stunning home record. You just know, however, that a siege is coming.

73 min "The one thing that can be said of both teams (given the circumstances), is that they're true professionals," says Peter Corway. "Something similar happened in my school playing days. Two lads were kissing the same girl, so when the local match came up on the Sunday morning, it disintegrated into a 22-boy brawl."

74 min Ballack controls a bouncing ball very well to strike it low towards the far corner from 30 yards. Given gets down to save and, more importantly, hold onto the ball.

75 min: PENALTY TO CITY AND BELLETTI SENT OFF! This is a carbon copy of the Samuel/Kalou incident in the San Siro, with Belletti and Gareth Barry coming together in the area; the difference is that this time the referee has got it right. Belletti misjudged a header and that allowed Barry to get goalside of him in the area. Belletti had no way of getting the ball and brought him down; the touch was minimal but enough to knock Barry over. A clear penalty, and a red card for Belletti as well.

GOAL! Chelsea 1-3 Manchester City (Tevez 76 pen) A fine penalty from Tevez, smacked low to Hilario's right and into the corner. Hilario went the right way but he wasn't getting near that. Tevez has been really brilliant today.

77 min Bloody hell.

78 min "Who is meant to be in this 'John Terry camp' anyway?" says Mark Hooper. "I think it could just be Mr Chelsea in a hall of mirrors."

79 min Roque Santa Cruz replaces Wayne Bridge, who is applauded off by some Chelsea fans and booed by some others. He goes straight down the tunnel, which is sensible. That's smart from Mancini, as Andy Gray points out, because it cuts out any possible post-game rubbish. Zabaleta goes to left-back and City go to 4-4-2.

80 min "Here be quite a humorous Talksport mash-up of interviews that make JT seem very honest," says Ian Copestake.

81 min "What's schadenfreude called when it's brilliant?" says Alex Netherton.

82 min: BALLACK SENT OFF Chelsea are down to nine men. Ballack gets a second yellow card, deservedly so for a risible scissor-hack from behind at Tevez. This is bizarre.

83 min A fierce strike from Drogba, 20 yards out, is well held by the crouching Given.

84 min I've no idea what formation Chelsea are playing now: 2-4-2 by the looks of things. But they keep pushing and Given has to make an excellent save to deny Anelka, who had burst through that inside-left channel yet again before shooting across goal from the corner of the six-yard box with his left foot. Given spread himself to save with his fully outstretched left hand.

85 min Drogba's splendidly struck free kick frokm 25 yards is straight at Given. City cannot keep the ball; this is weird.

GOAL! Chelsea 1-4 Manchester City (Bellamy 87) City get a five-on-three counter-attack and play it perfectly. Tevez played Wright-Phillips through on goal on the right with Chelsea's three defenders backpedalling desperately. He ran into the area and selflessly passed it across the face for Bellamy to tap into an empty net.

88 min If City really concentrate there is another one to be had here, because Chelsea are still throwing men forward.

90 min Sylvinho, aged 77, replaces the fantastic Carlos Tevez. He has put a wonderful shift in today. There will be five minutes of added time.

GOAL! Chelsea 2-4 Man City (Lampard 90 pen) Barry challenges Anelka clumsily in the area, and Lampard drags the penalty into the bottom-left corner as Given dives the other way. Good penalty, especially in view of the fact that he had one saved by Given in the return fixture.

Full time: Chelsea 2-4 Manchester City John Terry is complaining to the referee. What a specimen. A fabulous win for City in a very strange game; they go to fourth, and in doing so bring Manchester United and Arsenal right back in the title race. Thanks for your emails; I'll leave the last word to Adam:

"I'm kind of new to this soccerball game you call 'football'. But it seems to me like something has unsettled the Chelsea team, especially their defence. Maybe something is going on off the field...?

Actually, I'll leave it to Craig Bellamy in his post-match interview: "I know what JT's like, and nothing surprises me with him. Everyone in football knows what he's like."