Want to surf the Pipe? Want to stay on the Shore? You can! And it won't cost a dime…

Headed to Oahu this Winter? Want to save a little money? Don’t mind screwing someone over, as long as they deserve it? Then you are in luck!

Did you know that there are only 828 legal vacation rentals on Oahu? And only 177 are outside of Waikiki!

Now, you’re probably thinking, “How can that be, Rory? I looked online, there are, literally, thousands of places available. You can’t be saying that they’re ALL illegal?”

That is exactly what I’m saying.

Which is a problem, you know, for the people that live here. Every apartment, or condo, or stand-alone house used for short-term vacation rentals is one less available to residents.

Now, I know that there are those among you who think that you should be able to do whatever you want with your property, in spite of any negative consequences for your fellow citizens. And I guess that’s okay. I think you’re a greedy asshole and I hope your dick rots off, but you’re entitled to your own opinions.

And, thanks supply and demand, the spots left become increasingly unaffordable.

Now, I know that there are those among you who think that you should be able to do whatever you want with your property, in spite of any negative consequences for your fellow citizens. And I guess that’s okay. I think you’re a greedy asshole and I hope your dick rots off, but you’re entitled to your own opinions.

The thing is… well, I guess I believe that part of being a society is living by its rules. Unless you don’t want to, but there’s a downside to that.

We agree not to fuck each other over, to play by the rules, to perform at a minimum level of decency. And the bar isn’t really very high.

But when you decide to pick and choose the rules you’ll follow, well, you just have to accept that other people can do the same. If an employer feels it’s in his best interests to shave wages, then his employees have every right to rob him blind.

Or, if you feel that you can turn a tidy profit by illegally renting out a home you own, then people can just decide not to pay you. Morality is fluid like that.

And that’s what I’m advocating. Just don’t pay.

I’m well aware that most places require a deposit, and some even insist you pay in full in advance. But a deposit is still far less than the total cost of stay, and you can usually talk your way around paying in advance. After all, you haven’t actually seen the place, and how do you know it’s even legit? Tons of vacation rental fraud out there. You wouldn’t want someone to take advantage of you.

You can even be real ballsy, put in on your credit card, then do a charge back. Or stop payment on the check. Use some pretense, that it wasn’t as described. It doesn’t really matter.

Because your erstwhile landlord has no recourse!

If they try and sue you they’ll end up in small claims court, assuming the total you owe is under $5000. But the thing is, serving a small claims summons to someone out of state is nearly impossible. And it won’t come to that anyway.

There’s a ton of money in renting a place out for $300 a day when its fair market month-to-month price sits around $2100, and the idea of losing that income stream is terrifying.

While enforcement of short term rental laws are nearly non-existent, possible fines are actually quite large. Do you think a property owner will be willing to gamble a long-term meal ticket over a comparatively paltry sum of money?

Better to just eat this loss and make it up by gouging a few suckers with a bogus $500 “cleaning fee.”

Simply check the address against the linked list (click here). If its not in there, you’re in the clear.

Spend the money you save on something fun, like a kitschy ukulele, or a coconut painted with a sunset, or numerous blowjobs from a series slag of strippers outside one of the numerous tiny sketchy strip clubs sprinkled through the alleys surrounding Femme Nu.

You’ll be glad you did!