THE jogger who triggered David Camerons poison glands is being cared for at home by relatives.

Preys on fish and small mammals

28-year-old Dean Farley is bed-bound with delirium after brushing against the potentially deadly prime minister.

Biologist Emma Bradford said: Camerons natural defence mechanism is a layer of toxin-tipped spines beneath his salmon-coloured epidermis. Unexpected contact causes them to momentarily protrude, delivering a dose of poison powerful enough to kill a bear.

Its a trait evolved by his toad-like ancestors in the Amazon basin, who lived in riverbank mud burrows until 15 years ago.

Farleys neighbour Wayne Hayes said: He’s still numb all down his side and can see chittering needle-fanged creatures on the periphery of his vision.

Security for the prime minister is to be reviewed, with a specially-modified Zorb sphere being constructed for public engagements. A small hole in the sphere will allow him to sign trade agreements and point his finger to emphasise things during speeches.

Bodyguard Nikki Hollis said: People think Cameron’s security detail are there to protect him from the public but it’s the other way around.

The consequences of him kissing a baby or shaking hands with a pensioner don’t bear thinking about.