Theresa May is a zombie prime minister, sustained only by her MPs’ fears of an electoral apocalypse. In office but not in power, her authority has been annihilated along with her parliamentary majority. The balance in the Tory party has been utterly reversed, with the control freak now at the mercy of her cabinet. This living dead leader limps on, clutching at the hands of the homophobic, anti-abortion creationists in the Democratic Unionist Party.

Her Queen’s Speech has been delayed and her manifesto pledges must be pruned. Meanwhile the political flesh-eating monsters who are her potential successors — Boris Johnson and David Davis — declare their loyalty while waiting to pounce. Conservative MPs are biding their time but they have no doubt where this will