Yes I recently had a birthday, a big one 50. So for all my Gen X friends out there welcome to the silver years I guess, LOL. The event in of itself was good, my immediate family and in laws kept it low key which is what I wanted. Still that day I began to feel very anxious. The number doesn’t really throw me, 50 is a number. Some days I feel it, some days I feel older honestly. The worst part for me was I didn’t hear from anyone from my side of the family.

Upon reflection that was the source of my anxiety, I was anticipating a call or something which normally evolves into some rehash of a past event that I have no desire revisiting. We all realize that 1995 is was 25 years ago? MOVE ON. But I digress…

I won’t illuminate everything about my family, let’s just say that my childhood was less than stellar. It was a melding of so many factors that its hard to pin point one singular event or individual that contributed to the negative impact it had on me and many others. My siblings move out when each one turned 18 to escape, I was the youngest I was 8 years behind my sister so when I was 10, I was essentially alone in this abyss.

I survived, I got over it but there were a lot of things that happened along the way as I became an adult that made things, at various points go extremely sour. Silence, physical altercations, cops. Ya you name it we had it. I look back now and I realize that most of this was from an event that happened before I was born. I have a half-sister, who was given up by my mother at the behest of my father. Now this sounds complicated and it is, but the short story is she got pregnant right before they got married.

The family story is booze was involved, a mistake was made etc. Now what that did was, it created a foundation of mistrust and resent that over decades manifested itself in to all sorts of bullshit. My siblings and I were participants and outlets for this constant struggle between my parents. Honestly my brother got it the worst, the 70’s were not good for him I was too little to know what was going on.

Oh, right so my 50th birthday… What does all this have to do with it? I didn’t receive a card, a call, not even a text from anyone on my side of my family. I didn’t expect much, but a call would have been nice. I would have liked to hear from them, but it wasn’t to be. I was upset about it but got through the event. Now that I am a few days removed I can reflect back on it and it makes me a little sad.

Please folks, if you have issues with your family don’t let it fester. Before you know it, you’ll be 50 and your time is getting shorter and shorter. You can’t make up for lost time, be the bigger person and reach out. I wish I had, and I didn’t and that makes me a blatant hypocrite for giving this advice I realize that. It just sucks, and the longer it goes on the harder it is to fix.

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