Ann and Dan are in Springfield, Missouri.

They are at William Bradley Pitt high school to discuss storytelling with the literature students.

The teachers wanted to invite Margaret Atwood, but the students vetoed. They had seen the viral security videos of Ann and Dan’s adventures at various venues on their infamous book tour, and threatened a riot if the teachers refused to comply.

Ann and Dan enter the lunchroom and see a life-sized photo of bare-chested Brad Pitt hanging on the wall. Interesting choice. Brad was supposed to be here today, as this is the school’s 10th anniversary, but instead he took his 42 children to Disney World.

The teachers have also seen the viral videos, which is why they are standing in little groups, glancing at Ann and Dan and looking Very Concerned.

A young girl sees Ann and rushes over.

“Cousin Ann! Wow, you’re really here! It’s me, Cindy!” she says.

“Yes, I remember you. You were much smaller and… you screamed a lot. You were also kind of clingy ,” replies Ann, brow knitting slightly.

Cindy is reaching out to hug Ann, but she stops and steps back.

“Why don’t you come to the family reunions?” asks Cindy, “You’re as close to a celebrity as we’re ever gonna have.”

“They refuse to invite Dan, even though he’s my brother,” explains Ann.

“Yeah, but he’s not really… ah… yeah, I heard about that,” says Cindy, looking Very Confused.

“Hi Ci Ci Ci Ci Cindy!” says a boy in a too-big football jersey and a buzz cut.

“Hey Stan. Guys, this is my boyfriend, Stan. Stan, this is my cousin Ann and… ah… Dan,” says Cindy.

“Your vi vi vi video was aw aw awesome! You guys ro ro rock!” says Stan.

“Thank you,” reply Ann and Dan.

A frumpish woman in her mid 40s approaches with a too-wide smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Heeeeello, I’m Miss Reynolds. School principal? So glad to have you. If you could just sit over here behind this table, we can get started,” she says.

“We were promised cashew chicken,” says Dan.

“The original Springfield-style,” adds Ann.

“But you’re not really hungry right now, are you?” asks Miss Reynolds.

Her eyes seem to glow slightly as she says this, and she stares intently, leaning forward. Ann and Dan feel a sort of tickle in their heads, and then have the sudden urge to go ride a bicycle. Hmm.

“Actually, we are. Now would be a good time for chicken, please,” says reasonable Ann.

“Yes, the perfect time,” adds Dan.

Miss Reynolds looks pretty frustrated and she turns on the penetrating gaze. Eyes glow. Ann and Dan get that tickly thing again, then feel compelled to paint portraits of clowns… How odd. They are still hungry.

“And maybe some ice cream after,” says Ann.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” adds polite Dan.

There is a low rumble and the building shakes slightly. The chatter drops off and the students stare at Miss Reynolds, Authority Figure.

“Nothing to be alarmed about, guys. Probably just a construction project or a little thunder, take your seats!” she orders. Eyes… yeah, you guessed it. The whole room has brief thoughts of doing the Macarena. Ann and Dan are smiling now. This is getting interesting.

The cheerleaders and football players all take the cool tables at the back of the room. The literature students all squeeze together at the front tables, gazing at Ann and Dan as if they are zoo exhibits.

The lunchroom doors burst open and a horde of yellow insects the size of kittens enter, immediately swarming the football players and cheerleaders . There is much screaming and blood, and also clacking and suckling sounds as the insects begin to feed.

“My children!” shouts Miss Reynolds.

Then she rips off her face to expose a yellow head, multi-faceted eyes, and mandibles that she flips down from the sides of her face. She leans over and extends the mandibles to snip off Stan’s head. She shoves his neck into her mouth and begins to suck. Stan’s head rolls over and comes to rest on Cindy’s shoes. Cindy begins shrieking. Dan leans over to Ann’s ear.

“I see what you mean about the screaming,” he says.

Ann looks at Cindy and nods.

Ann and Dan decide to climb onto the top of the table to avoid being eaten.

A loud clatter of pots and pans hitting the floor is heard from the kitchen. The kitchen doors slam open and an assortment of pimply, fat, skinny, greasy-haired nerds runs into the lunchroom, carrying long PVC tubes with batteries and circuit boards duct taped to the ends. Most of them are wearing superhero t-shirts.

“Death to the Centaurians! Feel my wrath!” shouts a girl with a Wonder Woman tiara.

She pushes a switch and the tube emits a high-pitched, barely audible whine. She aims it at Miss Reynolds, who drops Stan’s body and turns around. Her head begins vibrating violently, then her eyes explode and she falls to the floor. The rest of the nerds have activated their tubes and begin gleefully annihilating all of Miss Reynolds children. The kids’ screams die down a bit and there is a sound like popcorn popping as hundreds of little insect eyes erupt in goo.

It is starting to smell Very Bad in the lunchroom.

“I don’t think we’re going to be needed here anymore,” says Ann.

“Yes, I agree. Let’s go find some lunch,” replies Dan.

They get down off the table and walk into the kitchen. To their delight, there is a paper bag with two styrofoam containers sitting on the metal counter. Ann & Dan is written on the side. Dan grabs the bag and Ann grabs two cartons of milk from the cooler. They walk across the street to the park and sit down to some delicious cashew chicken, just as the sirens start in the distance.

THE END.