If I ever have a pop music album it will be called “Love Songs Modified to Seem More Reasonable” The band will tentatively be called “Civilized Desert.” These would be my tracks.

Track 1: Originally written by Savage Garden: I Knew I Loved You (after around a year or two, in which we shared a generally healthy relationship that had a lot of care and respect for each other, not to mention a sustained level of both emotional and physical attraction)

Track 2: Originally written by Savage Garden: Truly, Madly, Deeply (are words that I would use to describe the level of marvel I have for the wonders of the universe. I apologize for not using them to describe my feelings toward you, but really, that’d be a bit much, anyway, wouldn’t it?)

Track 3: Originally written by Gotye: Somebody that I Used to Know (,that I still know, but isn’t an active part of my life anymore. I respect the decisions she makes for who she chooses to remain in her social circles, and therefore am not personally offended. I do miss her from time to time, and wish her the best, but I also have my own life to live.)

Track 4: Originally written by K-Ci and Jojo: All My Life (I’ve been working on myself as a human being and being mindful of a keeping an eye out for a compatible romantic partner, as one of my life goals is to settle down and have a family.)

Track 5: Originally written by The Police: I’ll Be Watching You (get to your door safely after dates, if it’s late at night. Also when we play monopoly, to ensure that everything is in order. Not so much that you’d cheat, but we have to be sure to follow the rules. But certainly not any time you’re not aware–that would be a bit much.)

Track 6: Originally written by O-Town: All or Nothing (is a poor philosophy to live life by. As a matter of fact, as with most things, the middle road of compromise generally produces optimal results. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, etc. It’s okay to have a preference toward having most, or a little, but tying your happiness to the complete success or failure of goals is a sad way to live your life.)

Track 7: Originally written by Usher: DJ Got us Fallin’ in Love (with derivative pop music. But it would be an outrageous claim to say that we fell in love with anything more. Perhaps falling in love with his/her disc jockey abilities. But even then, that’s a bit much.)

Track 8: Originally written by Plain White T’s: Hey There Delilah (I will respect the restraining order you have placed on me, and stop writing songs for women I am not presently romantically linked with.)

Track 9: Originally written by Vanessa Carlton: A Thousand Miles (is an amount of distance I would cover to see you, but only by plane. I probably wouldn’t even take a roadtrip that long. But I guess if things get more serious, I’d consider taking a train 1,000 miles for you. If you ever walked 1,000 miles just to see me, I’d probably call the cops on you.)

Track 10: Originally written by Dido: White Flag (what? Like, as in, what people put up to surrender in wars? Don’t you think that’s a bit dramatic? No? Okay.)

Track 11: Originally written by Kevin Sharp: Nobody Knows (how I’m feeling inside. But such is the human condition, so I guess this is nothing that special, amirite?)

Track 12: Originally written by Natalie: Goin’ Crazy (would be awful. I couldn’t imagine losing my grasp on reality. Fortunately, I only have to deal with a break up.)

Track 13: Originally written by Britney Spears: Born to Make You Happy [Actually, this is irredeemable.]