ABC News- The Iowa Supreme Court has affirmed the right to be drunk on your front porch. The court ruled Friday in the case of Patience Paye, who appealed her 2013 public intoxication conviction. Paye called police after fighting with her boyfriend and met officers on the front porch of her Waterloo home. While investigating the domestic assault complaint an officer questioned Paye about whether she’d been drinking. A test revealed her blood alcohol concentration at 0.267 percent, more than three times the amount considered drunk for driving. She was charged and convicted. But she appealed, saying her front porch isn’t a public place. The Supreme Court agreed, declaring the front steps of a private residence not a public place if the homeowner hasn’t invited the general public to be there.

America! Fuck yes. Just in time for the weekend. I mean I just assumed that it was okay for me to be drunk as a skunk on my front porch but this guarantees that it is. If the ruling had gone the other way then I might have had to defect to Canada. But nope, the American justice system does it again and allows us Iowans to drink on our porches in peace. Not only just in time for the weekend but also just in time for summer. You can’t force me to stand on the back deck and get drunk. How are my neighbors gonna see me shirtless chugging a Bud Light? Exactly. They wouldn’t be able to if being drunk on a front porch wasn’t allowed but it is. Goddamn it is. How big of an asshole do those cops have to be who arrested that drunk girl on her front porch? Do less, coppers. At worst they should’ve just told her to go inside. Sure, .267 is DRUNK and I bet she wasn’t pleasant to deal with but let it go. Let us drunk Midwesterners do what we do best. Black out on our front porches and watch thunderstorms.

PS- Not sure how that issue makes it all the way to the state supreme court. The first judge should’ve seen that and been like, “Being drunk on a porch? Legal. Next.”