I do my best to tell it like it is. PrEP doesn’t inspire people to have loads of indiscriminate condomless sex; people will behave how they want to behave and deserve to be protected by the tools that are available; the threat of HIV isn’t a moral yoke for gay desire; people on PrEP get a full round of STI tests every three months at a minimum and are in general better equipped to have open and detailed conversations about sexual health. I don’t begrudge anyone’s choice to use condoms or not, and I definitely don’t see PrEP as a replacement for them, so it’s disappointing that my choice to protect myself in this way is often interpreted as a red flag. A sign that I’m (intentionally?) spreading other infections. That I’m ‘high risk’. This new sexual liberation business was exhausting, and not in the way I expected.

My takeaway from these conversations is that people – even GBTQ men – are still terrified of sex. Gay sex is still seen as something that can get out of hand, something that should be contained for the good of society. I’d find this hilarious if it wasn’t so dangerous. Judging people who take PrEP as anything less than responsible individuals looking out for their sexual health shuts down conversations and stops the spread of information about this important tool in the fight against HIV. Silence equals death, but in my experience speaking up has often left me feeling out in the cold.

The health ministry announced that PrEP will soon be covered by public health insurance in Germany, taking that €50 a month down to a round, beautiful €0. I hope the same follows for other countries soon, and that PrEP use will become even more widespread. As the barriers to access are further lowered and more people start taking it, I hope we can shake off this hand-wringing narrative about gay sex getting out of control.

Personally, I won’t let my desire be contained any longer. The laws that once regulated it were revoked in 1967 in the UK and 1994 in Germany. The shadow of fear that keeps desire in the dark recedes with every honest and hilarious conversation about sexual health, and with my coffee every morning as I wash down another little blue pill.