In my last column, I helpfully laid out the top five robots that you can own. Those five robots—some affordable, some not—were harmless, fun and available for sale to civilians. This week, we're changing course and stepping to the other side: Prepare to look at a few robots that do not come with fake fur, instruction booklets, or the ability to giggle. Now, in reverse order of hazard, allow me to present the top five robots that own you. —Daniel H. Wilson, Resident Roboticist

5) ChessBase, Deep Fritz 10 Multiprocessor Version

A thorough intellectual humiliation is easy to come by these days. Just ask world chess champion Vladimir Kramnik, who succumbed (2:4) to the artificially intelligent Deep Fritz late last year. Vladimir represented the most brilliant chess fighter humanity had to offer for the six-round cerebral duel against what he described as a "calculating monster." Running on a standard laptop, Deep Fritz used raw processing power and clever exploration of possible future moves to eventually thrash Vladimir, and with him, humanity. The worst part: Fritz did it all without a bathroom break.

4) Carnegie Mellon University, CRUSHER

Certain words seem to fit naturally together, for example: Super-Robot-Monster-Truck. While you drive your puny Honda Accord, keep in mind that in an abandoned industrial complex in Pittsburgh, several prototype six-ton Crusher Unmanned Ground Combat Vehicles (UGCVs) are undergoing field tests by smashing over 4-foot concrete walls, tearing through steep water-filled ditches, and careening through boulder fields. Oh, and did I mention that the 'bot operates autonomously? Crushers are not likely to see battle, but a $35 million dollar-plus DARPA grant ensures continued research on the heavily-armored, turbo-diesel-powered prototypes.

Carnegie Mellon University's CRUSHER undergoes field testing.

3) Samsung, Autonomous Sentry Gun

For decades, hundreds of thousands of troops have been massed along the 155-mile demilitarized zone (DMZ) between North and South Korea. It's a dull, dirty, and dangerous job—in other words, perfect for robots. Recently, South Korea purchased a Samsung-built static machine gun sentry. Once mounted, the robo-gun uses cameras and pattern-recognition software to autonomously classify vehicles, trees, and human beings at up to 1.25 miles—and then shoot them with a built-in, 5.5mm machine gun. Incidentally, the DMZ is 2.5 miles wide. [List continues after the most frightening product-pitch video you'll ever watch, below...]

Promotional video of the Samsung Sentry in action.

2) Foster-Miller, Special Weapons Observation Reconnaissance Direction System (SWORDS)

Battlefields of the near future won't be populated by sneering, metallic T-800 humanoid endoskeletons. Instead, expect to be horrified by tank-like autonomous robots, such as the SWORDS from Foster-Miller. The SWORDS is a jet-black mobile robot that rolls on twin mini-tank treads and packs a low-profile M249 machine gun. A metal briefcase holds the radio controls, which work in a half-mile range to control the rugged 'bot. One unit has been reported as having been blown up by improvised explosive devices (IEDs) no fewer than three times—yet it still operates with newly installed arms, wrists, wiring, and cameras.

1) Israeli Air Force, Unidentified Flying Drone (and Any Other Robot with a Gun)

The Israeli Defense Force (IDF) pioneered the early development of unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs) and they routinely employ armed, semi-autonomous flying robots. The 'bots are there to keep soldiers safe, but who is to blame if a drone accidentally pulls the trigger on its own team? The IDF almost learned that the hard way last summer. The Jerusalem Post reports that a misinformed UAV opened fire on friendly ground troops operating in the town of Bint Jbeil. After frenzied distress calls, the tenacious drone was called off the attack. The moral of the story: Never trust a robot with a gun, even if it's waving your own flag.

Daniel H. Wilson is the author of How to Survive a Robot Uprising and the forthcoming You can ask him a question by e-mailing him at PMAsktheRoboticist@gmail.com.

PREVIOUS Resident Roboticist columns: Top 5 Robots YOU Can Own, Pushing Human Boundaries, Living in a Robot Ecosystem

Carnegie Mellon's aptly-named CRUSHER can go just about anywhere, no driver required. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

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