Oh, what a quandary for the Republican Party.

First, Rep. Todd Akin perfectly articulates what they all believe: that there's rape-rape and then there's not-really-rape (sometimes known as "legitimate rape" or "forcible rape" or "REALLY rape"). And, since bitches be lying, most incidents of rape aren't really rape. And also, ladyparts are magic and can deploy rape sperm deflector shields to "shut that whole thing down" to prevent pregnancy.

This is what the Republican Party believes. This is how the Republican Party has consistently voted. It's the position of the two people on the presidential ticket. But gosh, it sure is embarrassing to have the party's callousness and stupidity exposed for all to see and mock.

And Republicans really don't know what the hell to do about it:



The National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) on Tuesday released a list of conservative columnists and pundits around the country who are calling for Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo.) to step down from his Missouri Senate bid. [...] Radio host Sean Hannity, syndicated columnist Charles Krauthammer, and author Ann Coulter are among the prominent voices who have called for Akin to leave the race.

Sure, because if there's one thing Republicans can't stand, it's a guy with extremist views on abortion. Also, would you like to buy this bridge to nowhere?

Pat Robertson, meanwhile, is tsk-tsking his fellow Republicans for getting so upset just because Akin "screwed up" and "made a dumb remark." (As with other empty condemnations of Akin's remarks, Robertson fails to specify what's so "dumb" about what Akin said because Robertson also completely agrees with him.) But since Akin is ahead in the polls, Robertson says, and Republicans really want to win the Senate, now is not the time to "form a circular firing squad."

Let's all take a moment to appreciate that Pat Robertson—the guy who thinks God sends natural disasters to punish people who don't live according to how Robertson thinks they should—is trying to be the voice of reason in the Republican Party.

And let's not forget the newly minted leader of the Republican Party, Paul Ryan's running mate, who is "offended." Not that anyone cares.

And then you have the rabid anti-choicers, the only semi-honest ones in the whole party, who don't have a problem with what Akin said because they all agree with it:



Pro-life groups, however, have taken a decidedly different take. Both the Susan B. Anthony List and Family Research Council have stood by Akin. They don’t see him as a politician who has made a career ending gaffe. In their view, he’s a strong abortion right opponent who articulated a tenant of the pro-life movement: Abortion should be illegal in all situations, rape included. “Todd Akin … has a record of voting to protect human life,” said Susan B. Anthony List President Marjorie Dannenfelser, reaffirming her support in a statement. He “has been an excellent partner in the fight for the unborn.”

So of course the Republican Party will be officially adopting the Akin position in its party platform, officially endorsing "a human life amendment to the Constitution that would outlaw abortion without making explicit exemptions for rape or incest."

Even though the the Republican presidential nominee has a different view. This week, at least.

Could the Republican Party possibly be a bigger mess right now?

