AND HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW A CAMERA WAS ROLLING.

That's a giant wine glass, lady, and that's how we know you really did go to Washington State. Mike Leach would be surprised by nothing on the menu at Noma. I was into foraging a long time ago. At Iowa Wesleyan me and Hal could scrounge up a meal for ten out of the woods behind the Hy-Vee in twenty minutes. You wanna know how you find out which mushrooms are poisonous? The same way you learn touch passing: painful repetition until you get it right.

CHARLIE STRONG WILL WIN THIS GAME WITH OR WITHOUT YOU. He means this literally, since after kicking offensive linemen Desmond Harrison and Kennedy Estelle off the team the Longhorns now have a total of four starts between all of their current offensive line. Regime change in Texas has achieved perfect decimation: one out of every ten players on the team coming out of the 2013 season are now gone.

A PERFECTLY INOFFENSIVE TEAM. He's not wrong, since it is really hard to find a reason to hate Michigan State from anything but a Michigan fan's perspective. We mean, Kirk Ferentz does, but is "Kirk Ferentz does it" an endorsement you really want to take anywhere but the bank or contract negotiations? (If yes, congratulations, you have already punted on this day from your opponent's 38 yard line.) If this angers you as an Iowa fan, yes: your coach is more successful than Will Muschamp, another low bar you might not want to be all that happy embracing.

TWIS: Now in the capable hands of Ryan Nanni.

HOW DO YOU MAKE DABO MAD? Kyrin Priester is off the team at Clemson for having "a poor attitude," which must be genuinely stanky indeed to piss off someone as perpetually sanguine as Dabo Swinney.

ETC: Colt Lyerla's long, hiccupy path to the NFL. The new Miata looks like the early leader for "Coolest Car To Drive While Being Called a Homosexual By Random Idiot Gentlemen in Trucks."