By Aniruddh ‘Andrew’ Bansal

Bangalore-based blackened thrash metal quintet Witchgoat started out early last year, and even though they played their first ever gig in Chennai last year, their ‘real’ debut gig is at this year’s Trendslaughter Fest, set to take place next Sunday at the No Limits Pub in their hometown, alongside Singapore’s Blood Division and Indian bands Dying Embrace, Shepherd, Necrodeity and Solar Deity. Here’s a completely tongue-in-cheek interview I did with them. This is a kind of interview I’ve never done before, so horns up to Witchgoat for giving me something different. I hope you enjoy reading it, and if you dare, check them out on their facebook and twitter. If you’re in India, visit Trendslaughter Fest’s facebook landing page to book your tickets and get all the information you need about the festival.

I saw you perform in Chennai last year. Will we get to see a totally different Witchgoat at the Trendslaughter Fest, both in terms of music and your looks on stage?

Of course it’s going to be totally fucking different. If we were a panzer tank at Chennai we’re now a fucking nvclear bomb waiting to drop on you pathetic parasites. Ever been shafted by a pack of wolves in heat? Yeah that’s what we sound like now. But with fucking grenades strapped to our hides. And what’s this whole deal with how we look? We look like a chainsaw slicing through your grandmom, that’s what we fucking look like.

I see that you have stage names now. Who came up with those and how long did that take?

Nobody fucking came up with them. That’s who we are. What the fuck were you expecting? Peter? George? Subramaniam? Fuck off. Even the assholes at the airport ask ‘’Is your name really Archon Hellfire?’’ Well we sure don’t fucking look like anyone else now do we so stamp that passport bitch.

You also have a kickass new logo now, designed by Sujay Euphras. Have you planned on making any t-shirts and hoodies out of it? I’m pretty sure lots of people would be interested in buying if you make those.

People are interested in buying clothes? Wow what a fucking surprise. Yeah they better buy our shit because we need money to get wasted. We’ll throw in a few stains on the shirts for free too. You can smell that shit at night and finger yourself to sleep. And no we don’t sell hoodies. What the fuck do we look like? Wu Tang Clan?

The name Witchgoat is brutal and funny at the same time. Whose genius idea was it?

There’s nothing funny about it unless you’re visiting the wrong websites you pervert (laughs). It was no one’s idea. It was bestowed upon us by goddess Baphomet to rain our rotten fucking droppings on all you quivering human scum. We didn’t sit around like all the other faggots in other bands and say ‘’Oh I say doesn’t Fairypony sound like a lovely name?’’ We are WITCHGOAT. Remember that fucking name the next time you lose your soap because we’ve got some spare shrapnel coming your way.

Can you talk about some of your biggest influences and how they’ve inspired you to start this band?

Venom, Bathory and Hellhammer. That’s all the fucking influence you need but we take that shit and cram it into a rocket launcher and set the fucking cross hairs on your sorry ass. That’s what we fucking do. Also if anyone wants to be influenced by us they can just meet Arson Monk so he can influence their fucking face with his infernal elbow.

You’ll also be doing a cover song for the Motörhead tribute CD soon. How does it feel to be featured on that album, paying tribute to the Gods in Motörhead?

It feels like a warm bath with fucking piranhas. What do you mean how does it feel? If you asked Lemmy that question he’d strangle you with his moustache. We’re doing the cover because we don’t have anything better to do with our fucking lives. Just like all of you assholes.

You obviously worship the Elder Gods of black thrash metal, but are there any newer or younger bands playing a similar style that have found your approval?

Like we give a fuck. Fuck this approval crap. ‘Hi sir, I play the same music as you sir. Please like my facebook page sir’’. FUCK OFF. We’d rather jizz all over your fucking page, your face and your entire family than pat you on your fucking back. Then we’ll boot you in the fucking face. Why? Because you fucking deserve it.

After Trendslaughter Fest, can we expect more live rituals from Witchgoat in the near future, or are you going to keep yourselves underground?

Underground? Do we look like fucking turnips? We’ll play when we feel like playing, where we feel like playing. It could be in a garden full of pink fucking flowers for all we care. I’m sure all you fucking turds hang out at places like that. ‘’ooohh look at me I’m soooo fucking metalllll but I shag plants in my spare time’’

FUCK OFF!!!

Interviews with the rest of the Trendslaughter Fest lineup:

Blood Division | Dying Embrace | Necrodeity | Shepherd | Solar Deity

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