One is an inexplicably wealthy self-obsessed racist with the moral compass of a meth-addled 2-year-old, and the other is a character played by Danny DeVito.

“There’s nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who’s smart and attractive.” “All the women flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” “When was the last time you saw a Chevrolet in Tokyo?” “Nobody’s eating anybody’s babies.” “A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.” “Laziness is a trait in the blacks.” “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” “A woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus.” “Tiny children are not horses.” “People are tired of these nice people.” “That’s the bad Korea.” “Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people.” “The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.” “I’ll tell you, it’s big business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s big business. Or two words: big business.” “Two dudes getting married… That doesn’t seem very gay.” “You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” “I got my Magnum condoms, I got my wad of 100s… I’m ready to plow.” “It’s not your fault, sweetie. You’re just not pretty enough.” “Well, somebody’s doing the raping! Who’s doing the raping? Who’s doing the raping?” “Did you notice that baby was crying and I didn’t get angry? Not once. Did you notice that? That baby was driving me crazy.” “In life you have to rely on the past, and that’s called history.” “Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.” “If life pushes you down, you’ve got to push back.” “One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.” “Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich.” “It’s all about image and marketing. There are no bands out there with any musical ability.” “I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present.” “The point is that you can’t be too greedy.” “Animals should be food, rugs, and trophies.” “The 1990s sure aren’t like the 1980s.” “I saw a report yesterday. There’s so much oil, all over the world, they don’t know where to dump it. And Saudi Arabia says, ‘Oh, there’s too much oil.’ Do you think they’re our friends? They’re not our friends.” “I don’t know how many years I got left on this earth. I’m gonna get real weird with it.”