Letters to Pete: “If abortion is not allowed what will we do…let me die?”

By Nikki D., TX

My husband and I have a beautiful 15 month old son that we are SO thankful for. I was 5 weeks into the pregnancy when I realized something was off. I had horrible morning sickness. I kept brushing it off as I thought I just wasn’t handling it well. After becoming extremely dehydrated and losing 15 lbs, my OB diagnosed me with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. A debilitating condition that effects 2% of pregnancies and can linger the entire 9 months. Severe dehydration, malnutrition and extreme endless nausea and vomiting. It wasn’t just morning sickness. I lived off maybe 400–600 calories a day (dry cereal and occasional mashed potatoes) because nothing would stay down. I lost a total of 25lbs. I was so weak that I couldn’t even stand long enough in a shower. I was put on a Zofran sub q med pump that was attached to me 24/7. My husband became my night nurse changing my IV site and Zofran bag. He was amazing..he was my rock. I needed IV fluids for dehydration. My face had broken blood vessels from endless vomiting. My skin and tissue was destroyed and bruised from the Zofran med pump (I had no fat for the medicine to absorb into so it would pool under my skin into these painful excruciating knots). I had an amazing home healthcare nurse that would check in on me and thankfully we qualified for a hardship because WITH insurance the cost for the Zofran pump was practically a second mortgage. I finally made it to the end of the pregnancy. I gave birth while extremely weak from lack of nutrition and dislocated ribs from vomiting for 9 months. We now have our little miracle baby.

I tell you all of this because my husband and I had to have a difficult discussion early on. What if my body didn’t respond to the Zofran pump? None of the other oral meds helped at all so why would the pump work? If I continued to crash my body wouldn’t be able to keep going. We would have to make a tough decision. A decision we will have to live with forever. Let me die trying to carry to term or abort the pregnancy. This was the hardest discussion we’ve ever had but it had to be discussed. Thankfully, we didn’t have to make that decision. We made it through and carried our baby to 39 weeks.

We have talked about wanting to have a second child. Being an HG mom, this comes with more discussion. Am I healthy enough? Am I mentally prepared for another horrible pregnancy? What if it’s worse the next time? What if my body doesn’t respond to any medication? What if we get to the point of having to make that extremely difficult decision?

That is why I will vote for you. A second pregnancy terrifies me most because if abortion is not allowed what will we do… let me die? This decision lies within the families — NOT the government. The men and women that decide these laws have not suffered through Hyperemesis Gravidarum. They have not cried for hours because of the pain that comes from this debilitating condition. They have not had a Zofran sub q pump attached to their bodies 24/7. They have not starved themselves for almost a year as their body grows a human. Their teeth have not crumbled because of the stomach acid from throwing up for 9 months. They did not have a picc line just to survive a pregnancy. They also did not have to deal with the post partum depression that follows traumatic pregnancies. Male politicians especially have NO idea what women go through so therefore they can not decide how we control our bodies. Everyone is different and every journey is different. This is mine. I’m not scared of more vomit. I’m not scared of 9 months of Zofran IV change outs. I’m not scared of starving for the sake of my unborn child. I AM scared of my rights being taken away from me. I’m scared of dying because some politican said I can’t have an abortion even though my body is shutting down. It would be easy to say “then don’t have more children” but that’s also MY choice. It’s possible HG may not be as bad next time. And that’s a chance we are willing to take as long as I know the decisions regarding my pregnancies stay between myself, my husband and my doctor — NOT the government.

Thank you for leaving women’s rights to the women. Thank you for supporting those hard decisions that families need to make on their own. Thank you for understanding.

I wish you luck and I will continue to support you.

Best,

Nikki D.