(HARRISON) The following is a covertly intercepted private correspondence from New York Red Bulls head coach Jesse Marsch to Santa Claus. A copy of the letter was obtained via a Freedom of Information Act request. The letter has been transcribed EXACTLY as it is written. All content from this point forward is taken from the aforementioned letter and should be firmly planted within the reader’s cheek alongside the reader’s tongue as I have done in transcribing this letter.

New York Red Bulls Christmas List

Dear Santa,

What a year, huh? I might have over done it last year, people were really clamoring for the cup this year. We had a good strategy to make it happen, but you know what it is like for Metro, right? You have been far too kind the last two years. I don’t mean to trade on your generosity. Let’s face it, that trade to get Felipe AND Sacha was just magnificent. But you sure pulled a fast one on me last year with that injury to Baah.

Anyway, this year, I wanted to give you something that was a bit more specific. Sometimes you are like a genie and you play on the ambiguities of the wish. It is my own fault for allowing those ambiguities in the first place of course. The fans here could really use a Cup win. They have been waiting a long time. I know what you are going to say, “the Supporters Shield counts”, but not everybody agrees. Okay, I think I’m rambling now, let me get to it.

2016 XMAS WISH LIST

A Healthy Team

We really took a beating last year. It seemed like every week someone would pull a hammy. That Houston game was just ridiculous. Zubar, Baah, and Veron, all in the SAME GAME!? This year, we could really use a steady stretch of games where we can trot out the best available squad and not have to worry about all of those pulled muscles.

Another True Winger

Now, I know what you are thinking. We already have Gonzalo Veron. He is a fine player, but not really the type I’m talking about. Veron is very good when running at defenders, but he isn’t quite so efficient when crossing the ball. Mike Grella, maligned though he maybe, managed to have a better per 90 chances created score (1.29 v. 1.00). Grella also just barely outperformed Veron in key passes, successful take on %, pass completion, and total passes per 90.

If you could make him a bit like Daniel Royer, I would really appreciate it. He only played 5 games, but he outperformed all the other wingers on the team in most of the categories mentioned above.

More Minutes For Younger Players

In 2016, more minutes were given to homegrown players than any other time in team history (4143 minutes. Including over 1000 minutes for 3 homegrown players.). Doing the two seasons I have been in charge of the team, homegrown minutes are up by almost 3000 minutes. While that is great, it isn’t enough. We really need to see more of these young players getting time with the senior team.

Yes I know that it was harder to bring in these guys this year thanks to the way we started the season. Finishing top of the East and qualifying for CCL was a nice trade off I suppose. Those are short-term gains at the expense of the team’s future. Please give me the ability to fully buck the win-now mentality that has plagued this team from the inaugural season in 1996. Developing elite USL players such as Derrick Etienne, Tyler Adams, and Brandon Allen.

Better Squad Rotation

Speaking of which, I could really use some better squad rotation. I know that every competition needs to be taken seriously, but we can’t expect to keep putting the same miles on 30+ year-old legs without falling in the playoffs. Our key players last season included a number of near and over 30 year-olds. Mike Grella (29), Dax McCarty (29), Aurelien Collin (30), Damien Perrinelle (33), Ronald Zubar (31), Sacha Kljestan (31), and Bradley Wright-Phillips (31). Given the nature of the high-press we utilize, keeping so many older players on the field for 20+ games a year will wear the team down come playoff time. I have a pretty deep bench with some good young talent and role players, would you make me use them more often next year?

A Second Viable Striker

The late addition of Omer Damari as a second striker was a great idea, but it paid no dividends. I thought it would be great to have a pure strike option on the bench to bring into games late to push for goals when teams tried to park the bus. He had some great flashes, but never really fit the team the way I thought he would. This year, maybe that rumored loan move could come true? I’m talking about the one that rhymes with Berrance Toyd ;).

A Few Backline Additions

I know that we are likely bringing back Zubar or Collin (Or both) but we could really use some added depth on the backline. Aaron Long is a fine player, but I’m not sure he is an MLS starting option yet. That leaves just Gideon Baah as the only signed CB right now, and given his injury last year, that scares me a bit. Add in that we lost Chris Duvall to Montreal during the expansion draft, and we have some rocky seas ahead. What I would love is if we could acquire at least one starting option at both spots. Maybe someone like Chiedozie Awaziem from Porto. He’s deceptively quick and a commanding presence in the air. He’s 19 years old and stands at a towering 6′ 2″, and he could be worthy of a TAM deal.

Felix Passlack could be another good international band-aid for right back. He’s 18, and struggling to make the starting XI for Dortmund. He is a quick player with good feet and a decent cross. More importantly, he has a very good ability to time his challenges and doesn’t commit a lot of fouls. The only real knock against him is his size. He is 5 ft 7 in, but as we have seen with Connor Lade, that isn’t much of an issue.

A Plan B

Need I say more?

MLS Cup

I would even take this one over advancing in CCL, you know, if you have to pick one. It is coming right?

Anyway, I know this is a tall order, but if you could see your way to granting any of these wishes, I would be eternally grateful. Santa, I trust you will do right by us. After all, Santa is red! Amirite?

All the best,

JM