There’s no coffee left.

Sorry, parking lot full.

Those aren’t two pillows.

Officially eliminated from playoffs.

In the spirit of a trendy social-media hashtag that gathers phrases you don’t want to hear, we present our first-ever NHL Power Rankings: #DisappointMeIn4Words Edition.

As per our weekly custom, all 31 teams are ranked in order of their current impressiveness. The write-ups are short: four words that can instantly sour the mood of each club’s loyal fan base.

Much funnier in theory.

1. Boston Bruins

Marchand faces in-person hearing.

2. Winnipeg Jets

Laine’s sweatsuit in shower.

3. Tampa Bay Lightning

Craziest Round 1 upset.

4. Vegas Golden Knights

Vegas flu vaccine discovered.

5. Nashville Predators

NHL outlaws yellow helmets.

6. Washington Capitals

Round 2 opponent: Pittsburgh.

7. St. Louis Blues

Schwartz placed on IR.

8. Calgary Flames

Jaromir Jagr clears waivers.

9. Pittsburgh Penguins

Kane worth two firsts.

10. Anaheim Ducks

Bieksa inks seven-year extension.

11. Colorado Avalanche

Nathan MacKinnon trade demand.

12. Toronto Maple Leafs

Game 7 in Boston.

13. San Jose Sharks

New GM Lou Lamoriello.

14. Philadelphia Flyers

Andrew MacDonald Bobblehead Night!

15. Dallas Stars

Spezza stuck in press box.

16. Minnesota Wild

Seth Jones in lineup.

17. New York Rangers

Pavelec’s 13th consecutive start.

18. Los Angeles Kings

Doughty bids tearful goodbye.

19. Columbus Blue Jackets

“No point dissecting it.”

20. New York Islanders

Tavares passes, Drouin scores.

21. Chicago Blackhawks

Brent Seabrook buyout calculator.

22. Carolina Hurricanes

Rather sit in nose-bleeders.

23. New Jersey Devils

Henrique extends scoring streak.

24. Detroit Red Wings

Everyone stops loving pizza.

25. Edmonton Oilers

Chiarelli to announce trade.

26. Montreal Canadiens

Blockbuster trades for wingers.

27. Florida Panthers

Must shed $10 million.

28. Vancouver Canucks

Brock Boeser buzz cut.

29. Buffalo Sabres

With the fourth-overall pick…

30. Ottawa Senators

Melnyk schedules press conference.

31. Arizona Coyotes

Strome loaned to Roadrunners.