AUSTRALIA is the perfect trading partner for Britain due to being on the other side of the world, UK residents agree.

As negotiations on a new trade agreement begin, Britons are delighted to be restoring links with a country that could not be further away and manufactures nothing.

Norman Steele of Huddersfield said: “Bugger the European Union, with its freight rail links and fleets of trucks bringing goods to us overnight.

“When I order a new stepladder, I want to click that button and be told it will be delivered in October next year with shipping costs of around £699.

“And as it wends its way to me by container ship, crossing at least two oceans, the anticipation will make the moment when I finally open it up and ascend all the sweeter.

“Plus they all speak English and love the Queen, which is important to me when I buy a jumper.”

Trade minister Greg Hands said: “In our bright post-Brexit future everything from coffee to cable ties will be sent to us from Australia, abolishing impulse buying forever and destroying capitalism.”