The Mumbai woman now believes that instead of judging other people’s choices and sexualities, the world needs to rather focus on being good human beings first.(Source: Humans of Bombay/Facebook) The Mumbai woman now believes that instead of judging other people’s choices and sexualities, the world needs to rather focus on being good human beings first.(Source: Humans of Bombay/Facebook)

One of the biggest barriers that a person who doesn’t conventionally fit into the society face is acceptance. So when this Mumbai woman opened up to two of her closest friends in Dubai when she was a little girl that she thought she was a lesbian, a gap formed in between them. Sharing her story with the popular Facebook page Humans of Bombay, Angelique Pinto is a pansexual and is “very queer”. She emphasises on the importance of acceptance and open conversation with family, with the instance of her aunt’s heartwarming and ready acceptance when she told her she was not as interested in boys as she was in girls.

Being a survivor of sexual abuse and rape made Pinto question if her queer identity was a part of the reason why it had happened to her, until after years of psychotherapy and healing sessions she understood it really wasn’t.

She now believes that instead of judging other people’s choices and sexualities, the world needs to rather focus on being good human beings first.

Read the text of her post here.

“I’m Pansexual— which means I’m attracted to all genders. On some days I’m more masculine and on others I’m more feminine, but on all days — I’m very queer!

I first discovered that I was interested in women when I was around 12. We lived in Dubai back then and I had a crush on one of my friends. I remember telling two of my closest friends that I thought I was lesbian. Their response was discouraging — a gap formed between us and even though we hung out together, I had become the third wheel. At sleepovers, I was made to sleep on the floor while they slept on the bed, and often, they would whisper about me.

Also, Dubai wasn’t a very queer-friendly place, so for the next few years, I buried this part of me. That changed when we moved to South Africa, where the attitude towards gay people was more liberal.

There, I came out to my mother first — we were in the kitchen one day, just chatting, when she said, ‘don’t ever depend on any man.’

‘What about women?’ I asked.

‘Don’t depend on anyone but yourself,’ she said with a smile. I think somewhere, she always knew.

I then told my friends — ‘i’m queer’ or ‘im gay’, but I’ll never forget how my aunt reacted.

We were at lunch, when she asked me if I had any boyfriends.

‘I don’t like boys as much as I like girls,” was my response.

‘Um..ok..so who’s your girlfriend?’

The immediate and pure acceptance she extended to me is something I’ll never forget.

This acceptance and open conversation with my family has been vital because I was sexually abused and raped since I was 9 until my late teens.

I often questioned if the queer part of my identity was because of the abuse, but after years of psychotherapy and intensive healing, I realized I didn’t choose to be queer — it’s inherently a part of me. As I was able to move away from the years of abuse, I knew that this was something I was born with.

For the longest time, I feared men and experienced overwhelming anxiety, but I’m not afraid anymore because I know that the fault was never mine. I could let the abuse consume me, or I could fight it and come out openly. I know the turmoil I went through while figuring my sexuality out and I know how difficult the journey to ‘coming out’ can be. It’s scary and lonely, but I want my story to let whoever’s going through this to know that you don’t need to classify yourself as ‘something’ or hope to fall into a particular box. It’s okay to just accept and be yourself.

The man who raped me was straight, but he abused me for so many years— it was inhuman. So why can’t we all focus on being good human beings first…and stop judging others, only because their choices are different from ours?”

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