Look, I’ve been advised at the discretion of my partner to not go into this whole thing, but I’m going into this whole thing because there is no way this film is being made or was made.

Who knows? Maybe in about 5 months time, when the film is set to be released, I am made a fool of, but for now, here is my evidence that the teasers featuring Danny McBride and Chris Hemsworth, are for a fairly elaborate ad campaign crafted by an ad agency for either the Superbowl or for a Tourism Campaign.

EVIDENCE #1 — IMDB

I only ever check IMDB for Trivia and to see how much a movie “reportedly” costs, but of course, they keep things fairly updated, especially when there is a film in the works. Even if it’s gently teased in a Deadline Report, someone at IMDB or a fan will create a listing. If you don’t believe me search your favourite actor or director and the word “Untitled” and you know what I mean.

Ooof, that James Franco Documentary is probably not going to be made.

Even for projects that don’t have a title or a name and filmed in secret, there is often a “Project” or “Untitled” attached, even the third Cloverfield film, teased to be released in February of this year (but pushed back till April), with no trailer, no screenshots and no real information released, still has a director, actors, writers and producers attached, and has been listed for the last 6 months.

As for the Dundee IMDB listing, the only names “officially” attached, even with the new Chris Hemsworth teaser dropping today, still only lists two actors. One of which we haven’t even seen yet.

This is the full Cast and Crew list on IMDB.

For the Australian film industry, if this was real, it would be huge. Like Baz Luhrmann shitting in a sequinned red gown huge. Like Rove McManus hosting a talk show again huge.

We don’t make many big films every year and especially for a film like this, people would have been clambering to get an IMDB credit to say they worked on a “Crocodile Dundee” movie and hoping the person interviewing didn’t ask “which one?”

This looks like more than six people and we know which one is Danny McBride

On top of all of this, the director, Steve Rogers who has only one other IMDB credit is an Emmy-nominated series about driving random people around in New Jersey. I mean, it’s not the only thing Mr. Rogers has done as he has built up a nice filmography of commercials over the last five years.

Buddy, this might be all you’re ever known for.

They claim the budget is 30 million dollars and the IMDB listing was made in such a rush that the “Official Site” is spelt wrong.

It’s probably one of those German “siges”

That being said, 30 million isn’t uncommon for most comedies in Hollywood, but it is for an actors like McBride and Hemsworth. Yes, we know that Hemsworth is apart of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and makes so much money, I’m amazed his teeth aren’t tattooed on to be permanently in a beautifully white goofy smile, but McBride is a diffrent story. Danny has consistently been making bank the last 2 years at the box office and has been on a very funny hit HBO Comedy.

Wait?! Danny McBride was in the new Alien movie?!

So just from IMDB alone, I knew something was fishy.

So you’re telling me they greenlit a remake/reboot of a beloved and high-grossing comedy series from over 30 years ago, for only $30 million, with a fairly unknown director, with no major credits outside of a cinematographer and the “ second assistant camera”, with no major studio attached (not even Paramount, who distributed the last two films in the US) and then casting an Australian as second billing — an Australian who is known the world over for being one of the most funniest and rugged and handsome men on the planet?

Okay… sure…

Oh yeah, this is definitely real and wasn’t Photoshopped a week ago by an intern.

EVIDENCE #2 — CHRIS HEMSWORTH & TOURISM AUSTRALIA

Chris Hemsworth — God love’im. He’s just amazing. He’s incredibly funny. He seems really cool and kind and I’m sure he’d lend you a fiver if you were four bucks short for a “Three Piece Feed at KFC” .

He’s also a Tourism Australia Ambassador.

Tbh, Australia is often the smelly kid no one plays with at recess. We don’t have many friends.

In fact, Mr. Hemsworth is so good, he reportedly brought in “an estimated $50 million in global advertising value” between 2016 and 2017 for the Australian Tourism industry. I understand that he’s a funny and great actor but McBride and Hemsworth have never worked together before and appear that were barely in each other’s Hollywood friends circles.

I mention this since almost every project McBride has worked on (including Alien Covenant, which also featured regular collaborator James Franco in a brief cameo as a captain who pretends to be a sausage that’s forgotten on the barbecue) for the last 5 years has featured a mate or two and to have one not shown up or even mentioned in a big comedy sequel like this, seems like an odd step.

To add on to this theory, who else do we know from our classic Aussie history who’s represented us well on the international stage for Tourism Australia?

No. Not you!

Hoges himself was the face of Australian Tourism for six goddamn years!

And created a stereotype for Australians that has lasted for over three decades. Thank Hoges!

Six whole years from 1984 to 1990 while he was working on the two Crocodile Dundee movies and then made films every now and then, including a film where Paul plays a guy who has to earn good guy points to get into heaven or some shit and Charlton Heston is God.

Basically, it’s a Republican’s Wet Dream.

So what I’m saying, it’s like a passing of the torch, which most soft reboots are, where they get someone associated with the original production to ceremoniously let the older fans know — everything is going to be okay.

But it’s a lot more likely Chris was given a bit more money to be in a new big tourism ad and fake everyone out with Danny McBride because Seth Rogen and James Franco were too busy making one of the funniest films of the year and getting nominated for all sorts of awards and the Workaholics guys have that new movie coming out on Netflix.

EVIDENCE #3 — RIMFIRE FILMS

When I was first looking at the original website and trailer for Dundee, I noticed there were no huge production companies or studios attached. No Paramount. No Universal. No Media Rights Capital. No whatever that weird one where it looks like a tiger is gonna jump out of the grass and spook ya. No whatever that weird one where there’s the girl with the big drum and she beats it and makes you feel like you’re watching a serious movie.

Just one production logo.

This is also the name of my [insert spicy taco/burrito joke here]

So why is Rimfire attached?

Well to give you a brief history — Rimfire Films was the production company which helped fund Crocodile Dundee I and II to be made.

And that’s it.

Even IMDB Pro is like WTF? Why you makin’ eps of 20 to 1 bruh? You got Croc Dundee money!

I mean to put it quite pointblank, I imagine that Rimfire films is the Copyright and License owners of the name “Dundee” and “Crocodile Dundee” — so if I was an ad agency, say one that wanted to make a Tourism Australia ad and wanted to invoke the nostalgic feeling in Australian and American adults, I would reach out to Rimfire and ask for them and Hoges to give up the rights to make a fake campaign. Just an idea.

I mean look at their stellar website.

This is literally it. I’m not even kidding

Also I wanted to point this out too, that this website was created just a day before the first trailer was released. Totally not suspicious for a production company that’s been in business for over thirty years to not have a website at all.

Nothing fishy at all…

And finally, I also noticed another logo on the trailer and website. That of Screen Australia.

It hasn’t always been this cool looking, but it’s been around.

For the international readers, this is simply a logo we slap onto Australian films to let them known that at some point this had some input (either creatively or financially) from a group of Australians. It’s on nearly every Australian production ever and is a government body that helps get local productions funded. It’s incredibly necessary since, not everyone runs or owns a Rimfire films.

But I did notice something weird on the Screen Australia website.

Ummm why is there no photo for the second movie?

The website is so weirdly inconsistent with everything I mentioned above about the Australian Film Industry, Screen Australia would be flipping it’s shit and would rename the website to ScreenDundee if this was a real.

And that’d look a lil’ something like this.

How is it possible that the most popular Australian character of all-time, proceeded by Mad Max, Muriel from Muriel’s Wedding, Blinky Bill and The guy from the GO GO MOBILE ad and no one in the film industry let anything slip?

It seems just a little odd to me. But then again Trump is President, Danny McBride is going to be in the new Halloween film, why not have a brand new Dundee film that makes no sense?

EVIDENCE #4 — I MEAN, DO WE REALLY WANT A SEQUEL TO CROCODILE DUNDEE? THIS ISN’T REALLY EVIDENCE BUT SERIOUSLY THIS IS A BAD IDEA ALL AROUND.

Look, I’m all for making money and for movies being made the Hollywood system way, but I’m not a complete idiot when it comes to being a fan of cinema and understanding how and why something would be greenlit. There is no way that this is film is being made.

It makes no financial sense.

It would be disrespectful to the original property.

There’s not enough evidence to support that it’s real.

It’s not a strong contender for a summer blockbuster film, if that June release date is to be believed.

And there’s no way Chris Hemsworth get’s second billing to Danny McBride. I love both those actors, they’re both super fucking funny, but seriously.

I mean, I’d love there to be an Eastbound and Down movie though.

There would have to be so many people making so many bad decisions for this film to be greenlit. Especially since how little people cared about Crocodile Dundee in LA when it was released in 2001. Why would they care now?

Nostalgia? Perhaps, but Crocodile Dundee did not do so well in LA. Or in Australia for that matter.

It was panned critically, was nominated for a Razzie award, the film barely made any money at the box office and that even the writing credit Hoges got on it was complete bullshit. To add the little cherry on top, the IMDB trivia even lists this:

And who knows, I’m probably going to be wrong, but time will tell. I doubt this is going to be a Superbowl Ad, akin to that of the Ferris Bueller that was teased for the longest time, but it’s definitely not a movie.

If it is, I do hope they make Flipper 2 and that Elijah Wood comes back. That’d be dope.