Only because everybody asks.

Some people have toilet set ups of varying comlicatedness (bucket, anti-stink bag, sawdust, kitty litter, grey tanks, black tanks, who knows what else), and when I lived in a bus I had a sawdust composting toilet that I loved. But I live in a van now, and really people, it’s just a van. There is no room for such complications. So. How to pee:

The ideal situation is to be out in the woods and you just squat and pee. My dad always said you should never live someplace where you can’t pee off your porch every morning, and I totally agree.

If you’re not out in the woods, you might be in a 24 hour WalMart parking lot, in which case, just go in and pee. Don’t worry about buying things, they’re used to people coming in and peeing and the people who work there really don’t care.

Now, if you’re not out in the woods or near a bathroom, hopefully you’ve arranged your van along the side of the road or in a parking lot so that the sliding door is facing nothing. You can open this door an still have total privacy, because it’s late/dark/secluded enough that that’s the way it is. So, open the door. Step down to the very edge of the step, squat, and pee. You may need to adjust your labia to prevent drippage, but you’ll catch on quick.

But if all of that fails, don’t worry, there are other ways! You might be in a residential neighborhood or a parking lot of a building that’s closed but there are still some people around. Or you might just think that toilets are freaky and wierd because they steal your pee and do something other than give it back to the dirt. Whatever the reason, there you are, and you gotta pee. So wear a nice long spacious skirt. Take your dog out, and squat down like you are playing with your dog. It’s best if you do it at the edge of a cement-around-the-grass thingy, so that the back of your skirt hangs down and is protected by the cement edging. Pull the front of your skirt up just a tad so that it’s not on the ground but still brushes the grass. It takes a little practice to keep your skirt dry, but once you’ve got it down it works like a charm. I’ve even had people come over to pet my dog and have no idea that moments before I was talking to them I was peeing.

So there ya have it, folks: how I pee.