Frisky Dingo is an American animated cartoon series created by Adam Reed and Matt Thompson for Adult Swim. The series revolved around the conflict between a supervillain named Killface and a superhero named Awesome X, alias billionaire Xander Crews, and much of the show's humor focuses on parodying superhero and action movie clichés.

Season 1 [ edit ]

Meet Killface [ edit ]

[Killface is holding Brent by his legs at the top of the Annihilatrix, threatening to drop him] Killface: [sighs] You see, Brent? We all have jobs to do. Brent: Great, there goes my pen! Great! Killface: My job is to complete the Annihilatrix and destroy mankind by driving this vile planet straight into the Sun [Brent interrupts]. Brent: Wait! I have another idea! Listen... Killface: And your job is to market it. Brent: Listen! No listen! We can get... Jason Alexander! Killface: Great! Brent: Yeah! Killface: You can call him when you hit the ground! Brent: Nooo! Wait, wait! I got another idea! Better than Jason Alexander! I got, uh... Killface: Don't say David Arquette to me! Brent: I wo... well now that you say that I'm not going to.

[Killface is examining Annihilatrix DVD] Brent: ...Any standard DVD player. Killface: Or any uhh... "PC", it says here? Brent: Yes, any Personal Computer with DVD capabiliti- Killface: GREAT SCOTT!! Valerie: [Screams out in panic] Brent: What? Killface: [Laughs], "PC"... Brent: What? Killface: ...Stands for "Personal Computer"... I just this moment got that... VALERIE!!! Valerie: [Screams in panic again] Killface: It's alright if you want to laugh. [All three are silent] Valerie: [Nervous laugh] Killface: Good girl.

Meet Awesome X [ edit ]

Stan: Five million dollars?! Xander: Well, I had to pay her off. I can't have some blabbity-mouth hooker running around with my secret identity! That's the first thing they teach you. Stan: Nobody cares about your secret identity! Xander: It's to protect my loved ones. Stan: You don't have any loved ones! Xander: [gasp] Stan! Stan: What, who? That girlfriend you treat like dirt? Your murdered parents? [Quick shot of pictures of Xander's parents] Stan: And you can say good-bye to the X-tacles. Xander: Wh--What? Stan: What what? You just spent their entire salary for the year. Xander: See, I knew you were going to trick me into doing this! Stan: Me?! You're the one who paid five million dollars for a blowjob! Xander: I...it was a half-and-half, first of all; second of all...okay I'm going.

[Xander, as Awesome-X, has a conversation with the Xtacles.] Xander: ...but the Crew Company funds the entire Awesome X operation. So, you know, take it up with Xander Crews. Xtacle #1: Let's kill that son of a bitch! Xtacles: Yeah! Xander: No, no, let's don't--he's a good guy. We don't kill good guys. We kill bad guys, come on. It's in our charter Xtacle #1: So, what's up with our 401(k)? [Xander just turns his head and groans] Xtacle #2: What--that's my nest egg! We're still gonna have health insurance, right? Xtacle #1: Oh my God! Health insurance, I need that. [Xander just clears his throat] Xtacles: What?! Xtacle #3: Are we at least eligible for COBRA? Xander: What, the little... the G. I. Joe dolls? Xtacle #2: No, not the G. I. Joe dolls.

Pimp My Revenue [ edit ]

Sinn: If he always throws his food on the floor, how is he so fat? Simon: [gasps and runs off] Killface: No, son... [to Sinn] Now look what you've done! Sinn: Sire, I'm sorry! Killface: Apologize to his self-esteem! Now we've talked about the chubby cycle. One snarky comment like that and he's back in the cupboard! And he was doing so well! Three pounds this week! Sinn: Yes sire. Killface: Shut up. Just shut up and eat the cereal. Sinn: It's got glass in it! [glares at her until she gets on the floor and begins eating the cereal]]

Killface: [on climbing machine] ...then find me that printer so I can cut his arms off. Valerie: But you signed off on... Killface: Mention those proofs again and just see what happens, Valerie. Valerie: Look, bad grammar aside, forty million people just saw your postcard. Killface: [stopping exercise] Bugger me! They poll those numbers? Valerie: It's the highest-rated daytime show ever. Killface: Ugh, I hate America. Valerie: [leading] And their booker owes me a favor. Killface: No, she doesn't. Valerie, if you could get me on Live With Mitzi and Verl, I'd...I'd want two segments--not the one after Verl monologue, that's garbage time--but the next two, after the break. Valerie, you get me on there, you just name your reward. Valerie: I'd like for you to let me go. Killface: [resuming exercise] Well, you know...except for that.

XPO [ edit ]

Awesome X: Just a damn minute, Mr. man, are you even Asian? [Mao wipes away glasses and fake eyebrows] Mao: Yeah, see, I kinda got this minority business loan. [X-tacles cock and point guns at Mao] Awesome X: Those loans are for non-threatening educated women of color. Xtacle #1: Yeah, like maybe she wants to go into real estate. Xtacle #2: Or maybe open up a beauty salon. Xander: Screw it, shoot him. Mao: Hey. Hey, whoa. Can't we work something out here. [slips him a postcard] Xander: More. More. More, like a whole box more. And the villabouts of the whereain Kelly. Xtacle #1: Whereabouts of the villain killface. Xander: Did I say the villabouts of the whereain Kelly? Xtacle #1: Yeah Xander: 'Cause I've been doing that a lot lately. I wonder if it's a tumor. Xtacle #1: I know a good cancer doctor.

Killface: Sinn, meet Mr Watley. But don't get too friendly. I'm afraid he's one of our competitors. Sinn: Charmed [the two stare deeply in each other's eyes] Watley: [strains as a plopping sound is heard] Killface: Did you just... lay a clutch of eggs? Watley: Well, I gotta go. You should get those in some sand. [runs off embarassed] Killface: That's... something you don't see every day... one hopes.

Xander: Looking back, Operation Snooperfax was a little...convoluted. Convoluted. Stan: Convoluted? Damn it, you just about used up all of our operating capital. Xander: Do we still have enough to pay for Train Island? Stan: Yes, your little choo-choos are safe. Xander: Nice! Stan: Only because I had to make some pretty deep cuts in...elsewhere. [The X-tacles receive their drastically deducted paychecks] X-tacle #1: Guess I'll call Jan and tell her we're not going to Orlando. X-tacle #2: Orlando? Dude, this won't even cover my mortgage.

Sinn: You didn't kill the taxi driver? Killface: You know, I was, but I think it's hard enough on the Arabs in this beastly country right now. Sinn: I don't think he's Arab. Phil: No, I'm pretty sure that guy is Filipino. Killface: Well then. [Shoots the taxi driver] London calling. Grace: Oh my God! Yes! THAT is exactly the kind of bloodlust that makes for a phenomenal interview. Hi. Grace Ryan, Force 10 News. Killface: And you must be Killface. What am I saying? Of course you're not Killface, not with a face like that; no one in their right mind would think to call you...I'm Killface...if anybody is.

Emergency Room [ edit ]

Killface: Fetch the minivan. We're off to murder that wretch Xander Crews. Grace: Don't you dare hurt him! Sinn: Sire, Phil has cancer! Killface: First of all, he's obviously not that into you. [Grace gasps] Killface: Phil, given your strict forcemeats-and-cheese regimen, the only real surprise is you're not dead already. Phil: Phil, grappling with the cold reality of death, has no pithy rejoinder.

Grace: Oh my God, Xander, where are you? Killface: Well, wherever he is, I'm sure he's laughing his fat face off. [Aboard the Xcalibur, Xander is tied to a chair getting punched by the Xtacles] X-tacle #1: Who's laughing now, Crews? Xander: I wasn't laughing before. [Punch]] X-tacle #2: I'm gonna punch him so friggin' hard. X-tacle #3: I'm gonna smash his face in! X-tacle #4: I'm gonna blow him. [Everybody looks at him] UP! Wh... [Walks off] Queers!

Meet Antagone [ edit ]

[sitar Music Plays] Phil: Ohn-Naa. Ohn-Naa. Killface: No no no no! Stop that! Stop that Mantra! Phil: Oh Hi, and a blessed day to you. Killface: [annoyed] mm? Phil: [Optimistic] Mm! Killface: mm? Phil: Mm! Ohn-Naa. [Killface shoots through Phil's Speakers, ending the Sitar Music] Killface: Get the hell out of Here! Phil: Mm, I can't. Lorraine kicked me out when she found out I had cancer. Killface: That fat slag! Phil: Enh! Killface: Surely this town has a Y, Philip? Phil: No, I'm getting a pretty nice Healing Vibe here. Good for my Chakra. Killface: No, No, Cancer's a bad influence on Simon! Worse than Sinn and that Prawn and...whatever happend to Val? [The eyes of Mrs Killface's Portrait slide back, revealing Valerie's eyes, looking shifty; the original eyes are replaced.] Killface: Anyway, get your candles and your, white cells or whatever and just pop on down to the Y, hm? Phil: Ohmmmmy lawyers say the Annihilatrix caused my cancer. Killface: What lawyers? Phil: It's all here in the lawsuit. Killface: ... ...My God, the stones on you.

Killface: [Unable to get his money out of the bank after Phil spends the money he received from suing Killface] Ridiculous! A hundred and eighty dollars for snake oil? Phillip: Shark oil, and some of that was for the bath salts and add... the luffa. Killface: Oh damn your luffa... [Starts pounding the machine] and damn Xander Crews and damn his snotty back! Phillip: Yeah, why do you bank here anyway? Killface: [Temporarily with a happier tone] Checking with interest. [Starts pounding the machine again, breaking it] But now this blasted machine tells me my checking account can't be accessed!! Phillip: Wow, already? Killface: I d- I beg your pardon? Phillip: Well, we had to freeze your assets. [Killface tries to suppress his anger with a deep breath] Come on, its common sense. I'm sorry, you want some walking around money? Killface: No, I want to go you to the car and get some plasma charges and blow Xander Crews' crummy, little bank to-

(The bank explodes, knocking Killface and Phillip away)

Phillip: My loofah, where's my loofah?! Killface: Shut up, Phil.

Blind Faith [ edit ]

Grace: [rapidly, holding stolen gems] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Xander: Grace! Open the damn door, it's Xander! Grace: [tone of Antagone, eyes glowing green] Xander Crews? Xander: Yes, idiot! [Grace/Antagone growls] [Antagone opens door] Xander Hey fun bags, where's my idiot girlfriend? [Xander gets knocked out]

Xander: [Xander has hit the blind Killface with his car] Hey, hey, no no man, don't move, man. I think you got a concussion. Killface: Ow! What happened? Xander: Hit... hit... hit... and... and they ran... hit and run, plateless gang car. Killface: Oh! On a blind man! Crap! Yes, riding dirty, no doubt... With their... Bubba Kush. Well I, sir, am Killface. And you are in my debt... I'm in your debt. Xander: Yeah, you have a house. Killface: Yes, let's go to my house. take Naps. Where's my food? Xander: Yeah, here... Killface: My head... kills. Xander: Um... this is actually just full of rocks. Killface: Oh, that guy! Xander: Yeah. [Laughs] ChickParm does that to blind people all the time. Killface: Oh, I hate them! Xander: Yeah, my girlfriend even did a thing on the news about it- Killface: Is your girlfriend on the news? Xander: My... what? Killface: Grace Ryan? Wait a minute. Who are you? Shhhhh. You smell that? I smell crickets. Xander: We should go to your house. Killface: Yes, let's go to my house. Take naps. And y... what's your name? I don't even know your name. Xander: Um... uh... mmm... Barnaby Jones. Killface: [Beat] Barnaby Jones! Xander: Yeah. Killface: [Singing] People, let me tell ya 'bout my new best friend, Barnaby Jones! [Long pause] ...Nap.

The Odd Couple [ edit ]

Stan: [as Awesome X through transmission] How did he even escape anyway? X-tacle #1: We're...dealing with that internally, X. Stan: Inte...I'll deal with you internally! [The X-tacles gasp as Stan holds up a remote.] Stan: Yes, you'd better gasp collectively, because until you find Xander Crews, I'm gonna blow one of your heads off every hour. [1 X-tacle's head axplodes] Starting now [Transmission ends] X-tacle #1: Oh my f-ing God... X-tacle #2: Every hour? What are we going to do? X-tacle #3: First of all, maybe we shouldn't have agreed to have remote-controlled explosives put in our necks. X-tacle #1: Well where were you at contract time? X-tacle #3: Your mom's house. [X-tacle #1 points gun at #3] Cleaning! Dude I was only cleaning. X-tacle #1: [holstering gun] Yeah, that's what I thought. X-tacle #3: [pointing his own gun] Her vagina!

X-tacle #2: What's that supposed to be? X-tacle #3: A little ashtray. X-tacle #2: For who? X-tacle #3: It's...it's for my mom. X-tacle #2: Wh--Diane still smokes? X-tacle #3: Yeah, right in the...you know... [points at neck] the little neckhole. X-tacle #4: Dude! X-tacle #3: Dude I know... It's My mom

Flowers for Nearl [ edit ]

X-tacle #1: Okay, got the tuxedo shirt. X-tacle #2: Uhh...what is that? Nearl: Everybody is Ken! X-tacle #1: What is what? X-tacle #2: That! X-tacle #1: It's the shirt. X-tacle #2: Really. And is it me, or is it 1987? A winged collar. Are you...doing this? X-tacle #3: What are...what's everybody doing? X-tacle #2: No, that's great. Maybe you and Nearl... Nearl: I'm Nearl! X-tacle #2: ...your f*cking prom date can borrow your dad's f*cking time machine... X-tacle #3: Please don't do this. X-tacle #2: ...and fly it into the gym down there at I'm-a-jackoff High School... Nearl: Everybody! X-tacle #2: ...and slow dance to Lisa Lisa and motherf*cking Cult Jam! Nearl: Lisa Lisa, the one I adore! X-tacle #4: [running in] I think it's the Cult Jam. X-tacle #1: [as Ed McMahon] You are correct, sir. X-tacle #2: No, he isn't, nor is that collar! X-tacle #3: Can we just fix the collar? X-tacle #5: [at sewing machine] Oh, sure, why not? I'll just do it tonight while I'm missing another recital.

The Grate Escape [ edit ]

Killface: Barnaby, listen. Xander Crews: What? Killface: I thought I heard something. [Xander Crews screams and presses against Killface] Xander Crews: I bet it's a chud. Killface: We really need to get you some pants. Xander Crews: Yeah, that's not a pickle. Killface: I know. It's your penis. Xander Crews: My penis? [deepens voice] My penis. Killface: Barnaby... Xander Crews: Scrinching back!

[Old Spice, Xander and Killface navigate the Torpedo Vegas sewers] Killface: All right, tell Old Spice thanks for helping us escape… uh the map… Oh! And thanks for these new eyes! Xander: [in Mandarin] Thanks for your help. And the eyes. Old Spice: [in Mandarin] The glasses are only temporary. Xander: Neat! Killface: Oh, this bag of radishes. Xander: [in Mandarin] Also, thanks for the radishes! Killface: Move over bananas, I found a new source of potassium. Old Spice: [in Mandarin] There should also be a turnip. Killface: Oh, and tell him… [looks at Xander] you know, you’re really dead handsome. Xander: [in Mandarin] He says you’re very handsome. Old Spice: [looks nonplussed at Killface then Xander. In Mandarin] Tell him I have a wife. In China. Xander: Uh… he says he has a car, in China. Killface: Well, I don’t care about his car! Xander: Well, I’m not gonna tell him that! Killface: No, do tell him! Tell him that verbatim. Xander: Owning a car in China has got to be, like, a huge deal! Of course he’s proud! Killface: Barnaby. Xander: Think how many rags he had to pick! Killface: Time’s a bit of a factor here. Xander: TELL HIM YOU’RE PROUD OF HIS CAR! Killface: What does it matter what I say? Xander: Well, he speaks English. Killface: [to Old Spice] You speak English? Old Spice: Yes. Killface: [walks away] Mm-hmm.





Killface: Then I'll face off with Torpedo Vegas mano-a-mano. Probably with katanas. [Killface slashes at Vegas with a katana] Torpedo Vegas: You win this round... Killface... [the top half of his torso begins to slide off.] Killface: Then I'll have a tearful reunion with Simon and we can all go home. Bing bong bing. Xander Crews: Yeah. My part's kinda gay. Killface: Hah! Wait til you hear Plan B! Xander Crews: Uh...what's Plan B? [They Round a corner and are faced with a dozen gun-wileding guards] Guard: Fleeze, douche bags! Killface: I don't actually have one.

Penultimate Fighting [ edit ]

Torpedo Vegas: He's like a kid in a candy shop, and that candy is... success. And I'm that friendly man at this cash register with a handle bar mustache *chuckles* Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What? Killface: I think I'm missing the key reference. Torpedo Vegas: I can't have people sneaking in here leaking dooky water on my rugs. That's unacceptable. Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: I HAVE PATTY HEARST SYNDROME! Killface: Barnaby just- Torpedo Vegas: I'm getting furious at you, you don't even have any pants on. Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Neither does he! Torpedo Vegas: Well he doesn't have a penis! As far as I can tell... Killface: I - uh - Xander Crews / Barnaby Jones: Yeah, what is the story on that? Killface: Oh, like you can talk. Xander Crews: Hey, my penis fills an entire tall-boy. [Quick cut to Xander, as Awesome X, dancing in front of the X-ticles, naked except for a beercan covering his groin and shouting "Master Cylinder!" through a megaphone. Cut back to Torpedo Jones' lair] Torpedo Jones: [Scoffing] I'm sure it doesn't fill it.

Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Oh, you're fuckin' dead. Killface: Yes, that's the spirit, Barnaby. [Xander smashes Killface in the face] Oh you're really selling it. Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Oh, what's that? I obviously can't hear you. Killface: Okay, Barnaby? Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Hey, I'm Killface, and I have a plan! Let me shoot your fuckin' eyes out! And then, let's wander around a fuckin' sewer our whole lives, looking for my fat ass, weirdo kid! Killface: Hey- Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Who just happens to be- Killface: Barnaby- Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: The world's fattest fucking pussy! [Killface yells and bashes Xander to the ground] Killface: You made me do that! [Steps on Xander's neck] Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Well, your kid's still a pussy. Killface: Barnaby- Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: 'Cause you are a failure as a parent.

Thrust Issues [ edit ]

[After Simon attempts to re-hang a portrait of his mother up] Killface: So just leave Lady Mom on the floor as a painful remainder of everyone I clutch to my bosom in friendship, only to feel the icy pang of betrayal as they sink their serpent's teeth into my... y'know... my bosom! [Phillip enters, wearing a tuxedo and carrying a basket of pickles] Phillip: [Cheerfully] Well, my ears are burnin'. Killface: Wha... Phillip?! Phillip: Ta-daaa! [Icy pause] Killface: [Stand-offish] Eager to know why you're here. ... Killface: Have you come to gloat? Phillip: That, and I think I might have left my Zune here. Have ya seen it? Killface: I don't know. Phillip: No? It's a... Killface: No, nothing here but a profound sense of betrayal. Phillip: ... little Zune, it's got Mp3s on it... Killface: Oh, and back knives. Phillip: Ah, it's no biggie, I'll just buy a new one. I'm a billionaire now, you know. Killface: Yes, I can tell by the tuxedo. Phillip: Yep, that's what we wear. Y'know. Killface: ZZ Top would be proud. Phillip: Chompa chompa.

[Arranging to swap the $20 billion check for the Annihilatrix key] Xander Crews: We threw 'em! We throw 'em on three! Killface: No, I-I think it's windy for... Xander Crews: [Yelling quickly] One two three! [Startled, Killface throws the check; it is caught by the wind before Xander (who didn't throw the key) can catch it] Xander Crews: [Beat]... what the fuck, dude?! Killface: You said throw it! Xander Crews: Why?!... did I say that?! Killface: 'Cause you're an idiot! And a liar! You didn't even throw yours! [Pause] Xander Crews: I was gonna keep them both! Killface: You - Well, serves you right then!

Season 2 [ edit ]

Behold a Dark Horse [ edit ]

Mr. Ford: Well... bad is a relative term. (On the phone at his office) Mr. Ford: I said, what you think about global warming? Huh? Well, get a job, you damn hippie! Huh? Aww, fuck you. (Back to documentary interview) Mr. Ford: Basically, I just make stuff up and fax it over there. (cut from Mr. Ford's fax machine to Killface's) Killface: Oh! Ooh! There's a fax coming! (Back to documentary interview) Mr. Ford: Some weeks he doin' good, other weeks, he's not doin'... he's not doin' any good.

Killface: (campaign stop at A.M.E. Zion Church, dressed like Michael Vick) Hello, African Zionists. Pleasure to be here, and how about that Jesus Christ, hmm? He's one bad mother-- Churchgoer: You Hush your mouth! Killface: I'm just talkin' 'bout Christ. (At apartment) Killface: We should send them a pie basket. Dottie: They don't eat pie. Killface: Yes, they do. Dottie: Have you ever actually met a black person? Killface: Of course! Sinn was black. Dottie: I don't think a servant... Killface: Indentured servant...technically Dottie: How did you ever win the primary? (Shot of Killface on top of bus in ticker-tape parade, banner reading "Thanks Killface. Global Warming Cured") Killface: Duh.

The Opposition [ edit ]

Xander: Can you even be gay for a robot? [in robot tone] Beep-beep, I am a gay-bot! Xtacle: ..Y-..you think we're robots?! Xander: [in robot tone] May I offer you a robot blowjob? Xtacle: ..this-this is just armor! [clanks helmet] Xander: Power down gay robot; that is an an earthman order! Xtacle: Okay, hang on... [Xtacle takes off helmet, revealing a human head.] Xander: [Gasp] Xander: Oh my... god... Xtacle: That's what I've been saying. Xander: You look.. so... real! Xtacle: [exhasperated sigh] Look- Xander: Can I... touch you? Xtacle: Kinda prefer you didn't. Xander: Just be still. Xtacle: No, hey, come on! Xander: Feel my touch. [Xander sucker punches the Xtacle in the face, knocking him unconscious]

Xander: So, what's this whole movie deal about Killface? Camera Man: Actually, he's running for president. Xander: He's what?! How?! Camera Man: Yeah, cause when he activated the Anihalatrix, he cured Global Warming. Xander: Wait, no, I turned it on! Camera Man: Well, he says he did. Xander: Son of a BITCH! Cmaera Man: Yeah, so do cabs ever come by here? Xander: Well, you know what? If he's running for President, then so am I! Camera Man: Well, it takes, like, tons and tons of money to run for president. Xander: [Holds up check containing his billions.] Well, is that enough? Ka-kow! Camera Man: Hey, when did you get the check back? Xander: Oh, just right after that whole incident with it blowing away. [Flashback, Xander comes down from Annihilatrix in elevator] Xander: Yeah, have fun getting the shit stomped outta you by the Xtacles when I go back to my house to get my Awesome X gear from that hooker who was living there the last time I... [check blows into his face] ...checked. Xander: Apparently, it's been here the whole time...SUCKERS!!

The Issues [ edit ]

Xander: I need somebody who gets me, and also somebody who's a fighter, Stan. Just a tenacious smashin' bastard. Stan: Yep. Xander: He may be a little older... Stan: Mm-hmmm. Xander: Maybe a little balder... Stan: Well... Xander: But he's still the only player in NFL history to get two safeties in a single game. Stan: [pause] I'm sorry? Xander: Yes, Stan--two-time Pro Bowler Fred Dryer! Stan: You mean, TV's Hunter? Xander: He was Hunter?!

Xander: You, Grace, do the roar. Grace: What? Xander: Roar like the "Team Jaguar" jaguar. [Grace roars quietly] Damn it, you're an apex predator. [Grace roars louder] Yeah! That's how she sounds when I'm bangin' her. [Talking head] Grace: I know, I just...can't stay mad at him. I'm gonna have his babies. [Holds up vial labelled "Xander Crews"] Camera Man: Is that...? Grace: Uh-huh. Camera Man: Shouldn't that be in a freezer? Grace: Sometimes I like to hold them.

The Image Problem [ edit ]

Xander: You think they're looking for us? Killface: Both presidential candidates lost in a...duck bog? They must be. [In Killface's apartment, Dottie and Taqu'il watch a NASCAR race] Taqu'il: Man, I can't believe this. Dottie: Well, it's not like we can stay out there all night. Taqu'il: No, I can't believe I've been missing out on this white-knuckle thrill ride. Lookit, Junior's makin' a move! Dottie: God love him. Stan: All right, who's ready for another Tom Collins? Dottie: See, now he gets me.

Killface: It's the international, you know, cry for help in the wilderness, bang bang bang, three quick shots. Xander: Where'd you hear that? Killface: It was in...oh, God, what was it? There was this whacking great bear... Xander: Oh, was it that movie The Bear? Killface: Shut up, no, it was... Xander: B.J. and the Bear? Killface: Tony Hopkins was in it. Xander: Oh, God, is he great? Killface: I could watch him read the phone book. Xander: And pay money to see it. Killface: I'd like to just smell his hair.

The Miracle [ edit ]

Dottie: ...and, as you know, American voters insist on a Christian president. Killface: That's me. I'm Christian in spades! Dottie: But you have to be subtle about it. Killface: I'm subtle in spades! Taqu'il: They also don't want you to use the word "spades" all the damn time.

Xander: (on headline outing Simon) BOOSH! Dude, we have got to jump on this with both feet. Stan: Nope. Xander: I want WebTV, I want Bluetube... Stan: Nope, we leave this one alone. Xander: Why? Stan: Because two words: John Kerry. Xander: Who? Stan: Exactly. Xander: [Beat] ...He some sort of famous gay dude?

The Middle [ edit ]

Xander: I do have shortlist of four tentative maybes. Stan: [grabbing list]] Let's see here... Xander: Okay, Snatch-mo. Stan: [reading] Roxanne, the Real Roxanne, Roxanne Shanté, and Salman Rushdie. Xander: Which...I think it's actually "Salmon."

[Fifty minutes after the computer goes down] Stan: No, what are the last three digits? Xander: I don't even see the I.P. address. Stan: It's right up... Xander: Now I'm thinking of I.P Freely. Now I'm thinking of Ace Frehley. Stan, Ace Frehley... Stan: Oh, for fuck's sake... Xander: Put him in on list. Stan: Why is the damn thing turned off? Xander: You said shut down. Stan: Momentarily, a half an hour ago! Xander: Well, I didn't go to computer academy! Stan: Oh, shut the fuck up!

The Debate, Part One [ edit ]

Wendell: So, yeah. This is, uh... I'm undercover. Killface: Undercover for what? Dottie: Uh, aiy... Wendell's volunteered to look into some new fundraising avenues. Wendell: Yeeeep! Commence Operation: Meth Nazi! Killface: Operation WHAT? [Wendell drives off on moped, crashing into glass] Killface: Wendell! Wendell: Oi! Killface: I...don't have a great feeling about this. Dottie: Oh, grow up. Do you know how many American politicians are funded by the Neo-Nazis? Killface: Wh...shut up. Dottie: My God, there's Congressman [bleep], and Senator [bleep], not to mention Vice-[bleep] [bleep]. [Cut to talking head] Killface: Going to bleep those, I hope.

Awesome X: [flying through air with Ronnie on his back] Quit grinding your fucking dick on me! Ronnie: I cannot find comfort. Awesome X: How about finding Killface's house? Ronnie: Okay, but first, guess what. Awesome X: What? Ronnie: I feel like hobbit...on eagle. Awesome X: Well, that's great, Ronnie... Ronnie: Oh, Bilbo Baggins. Awesome X: [fuel gauge on wrist reads empty] ...because now you guess what. [Both plummet to ground]

The Debate, Part Two [ edit ]

Clerk: You wanna watch while I call the police? Wendell: No, wait, I got some money down here in my sock. Xander: See, he's got sock money. Wendell: But... Ronnie: [with ice cream] Here, you lick...with tongue. Wendell: [with Awesome X mask and gun] You got change for a .38?! [Shoots clerk five times] Xander: What the fuck, Wendell?! Wendell: Wendell X.

Carter: First question, both candidates--Article Two of the Constitution. Xander: The what? Killface: Um... [Lamont quacks] Xander: Why does he get a spirit animal? I think my buzzer's broken! Killface: Is that the one about tariffs? Carter: No, it's the one that says you have to be at least 35 years old and a US citizen in order to be President. Killface: Well, that can't be right. I'm not even a legal resident. Xander: And I'm only 33. Carter: So, follow-up--why are you idiots wasting everybody's time when you can't even be elected?

A Take on Hooper [ edit ]

Doctor: So listen. I can't give you an okay to... Xander: Stand those pants up. Doctor: ...go battle a cadre of supervillains on top of a giant doomsday device. Xander: Well, not with that attitude! Doctor: Remember when Killface punched you with a penguin at the Haggar Pants Presidential Debate (Turns on X-ray of Xander's spine) Xander: Uh, vaguely, yeah. Doctor: Well, that cracked your C3 and C4 vertebrae, so... you ever see Hooper? Xander: Yeah, that robot with the big tits! Doctor: No, but that sounds awesome. Xander: It is! Doctor: I meant the Burt Reynolds movie where he's a hard-living stuntman. Xander: That sounds awesome. Doctor: It is. Anyway, one more impact to the neck, and you'll be paralyzed. Xander: My third-greatest fear! Doctor: Same basic plot as in the movie. Xander: God, that sounds awesome. Doctor: It is. Xander: But who's gonna stop Hooper? Doctor: Well, it's already out on DVD. Xander: No, I mean the robot with the big tits. Doctor: Really sounds awesome. Xander: It is. Doctor: Anyway... (Wendell, dressed in Awesome X top, delivers a flying kick to the Doctor) Wendell: I actually have some thoughts on that. Doctor: Oh my God, now my neck's broken!

Wendell: What! How could you even say that? I'm a freakin' force of nature here. Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew-- Xander: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! ::crash:: Wendell: Oh...I'll get you a new lamp. Xander: Yeah, that was actually a sconce. Wendell: Still though... Xander: Yeah, it's just...I kind of spent a lot of time developing the Awesome X brand. Wendell: Totally, yeah and it's understandable, you know, you're protective of it. Xander: And I hate for you to go up there and... Wendell: I get it. Xander: ...get your fat ass handed to you. Wendell: Wow. Xander: Yeah. Wendell: You just, ah...went ahead and put it out there. Xander: Well... Wendell: Muffin Top X! Xander: Well... Wendell: Just so you know, this armor does not protect my feelings. Xander: Ok, you know what? Yeah, do it. Wendell: Really? Xander: Yeah, because either your dumb ass dies or you somehow manage to kill the unspeakable horror about to spew forth from my ex-girlfriend's womb. Wendell: Um... Xander: Cause ah, you know, big picture, child support... Wendell: You gonna... Xander: I'm not saying perform an abortion... Wendell: Oh my god... Xander: But, let's see if you can't stab that thing while it's still in her belly. Wendell: Could maybe stab her in the belly if I had a machete. Xander: Well...your words.

Wendell Goes Undercover Again [ edit ]

[baby kicks in Antagone's womb] Deceptatacle #1: Whoa! Oh my god, that is adorable! Antagone: He's really getting worked up! Deceptatacle #2: Oh yeah, definitely some activity down here. Antagone: Can you see him, is he crowning? Deceptatacle #2: I don't know or care what that means. Antagone: He's gonna come soon, I can feel it! Deceptatacle #2: You can feel that?

Xander: Mmm, yeah I'm gonna pass... on that... because it is retarded! Wendell! Wendell: Yes? Xander: Go kill that baby, buddy. Scientist: Now there's a movie I haven't seen. Xander: Uhh Vera Drake? Scientist: Didn't see it. Xander: It's... for an abortion movie? Pretty funny. Scientist: Let's rent it. Xander: Done! All abort! Toot toot!

Cody Gains a Namesake [ edit ]

Deceptacle #1: All right, let me get this straight. You're saying that Steve guy and the crab-man killed Sinn. Val: Yeah, then put me in her armor to make it look like I did it... Deceptacle #2: Damn, that Steve's crafty. Val: ...then took off with the bug-lady to give birth in a secret location. Deceptacle #1: They're probably starting an ant-baby machete-squad splinter group! (All Decepticles gasp) Val: Steve mentioned that.

Wendell: Big push, big push! Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop! Antagone: What?! Wendell: I'm gonna throw up. (Hovers to bathroom) Antagone: Get back here! Wendell: (in bathroom, having vomited) Do you have any Scope? Antagone: Get your fat ass back here!

Differences Are Put Slightly Aside [ edit ]

Killface: What on earth are you wearing? Xander: It's a halo, idiot! Not grab bars. Killface: Are those underoos? Xander: I'm Awesome X! Killface: Oh... Xander: Ta-da. Killface: I don't...know if I ever knew that. (Simon mumbles) Oh, you don't even know if you're gay or not. Xander: Snip-snap. Killface: Snip-snap, indeed.

Deceptacle #1: Aw yeah, get 'em in there! (Kicks barrel of mini-cobs into pool) Can't have a clambake without corn. Deceptacle #2: Can we have one without clams? Deceptacle #1: Okay, uh...this is now Lowcountry boil. Deceptacle #2: Yeah, I still think that has clams. Deceptacle #1: Well, I'm sorry the prison food truck didn't have a fresh load of quahogs, but let's still give it up to Curtis for lettin' us hijack it!



