So I’ve gotten the side eye a few times when my 3 year old asks for a “baba”. Obviously it started out as his bottle as a baby, but now that he’s potty trained and goes to school it seems pretty foreign to hear out of a 40 pound kids mouth.

Baba is a Re-Play soft spout sippy cup filled with milk.

We’ve gone through a ton of them over the years, even switched up cups for a few months occasionally, but it’s always been Zacharys main source of comfort. No matter what is happening in the day, we will not get through it without at least one. And yes, other cups are completely unacceptable if you were wondering.

I KNOW the doctors suggest less milk would presumably mean more food. I don’t buy it, if I’m being honest. To him, it’s a safety net, not a full belly he’s after. He doesn’t like stuffed animals, or carry around a blanket, he hasn’t used a pacifier in years- but Baba is a stagnant and constant NEED for him. I initially assumed he would grow out of it, but I’m really thinking at this point that his autism is the root of the infatuation. While he twirls (literally) through life at the speed of light, his fixation on this comfort item has become deeply rooted in his personality. I worry about his teeth, yes. But this brings me to consider my personal lines drawn in the sand. My “not worth the fight” moments. How many times a day do I give in to my child deliberately, just because I’m not in the mood? Or because I can’t bear to hear any more screaming? Probably too many, definitely too many. I worry that I’m too easy on him, that these moments are contributing to his behavior problems, ALL the time. But I also refuse to ignore the differences in our brain chemistries. Children with autism have trouble with change. Inflexibility is a staple characteristic of autism, and by parallel, Zachary. Who am I to force something on him? Well I’ll tell you my personal boundaries, when my brain says “stop that”, but my heart changes my words to “that’s fine”.

My first HARD rule that should be obvious… is it hurting anybody? No? Move along. Number 2 is a little more difficult- is he hurting himself? You’d think that would be such an obvious answer but it’s really not. If Z wants to spin in circles over and over again, ok! Let’s all spin! Fun! If he spins until he’s out of control and there are people or hard/sharp surfaces around, that puts us in the no-go category this time. My last rule is more open-ended. Are his actions going to cause something that I am not prepared to handle? This could be interpreted a million ways by any type of special needs parents, since preparation and handling are so personal and unique to each of us. For me, this normally relates to behavior and discipline, I.e. I told you not to somersault on the couch the first time. With this, he may not be causing bodily harm to himself or others, BUT allowing him to continue would not teach him that he needs to listen to me. If he doesn’t learn to listen, he will run into the street and ignore my screams, he’ll throw toys at the wall because he’s learned my breath is wasted.

It’s all a carefully organized game of chess, or a room full of strategically placed land mines with Zachary. Every inch must be calculated before it can be gained.

For us, “Baba” is one less land mine.

What are your hard lines when it comes to your child’s repetitive behaviors, stimming, inflexibility and/or obsessions?