According to Japanese dictionaries, a chindogu is an unusual or deformed tool. These gadgets mean no harm except their potential for ridicule. Chindogu are supposed to be gadgets used to perform everyday tasks, but end up providing an absolutely ridiculous solution to a single issue, or one that is more complicated than the problem itself.

We guess that some understanding of Japanese culture and idiosyncrasy is mandatory in order to not understand these gadgets as laughable, useless pieces, but hey, that’s how most are gonna come off anyways, funny or not. Enjoy some chindogu!

Back-Scratch T-shirt

Are you having issues explaining your friends or SO where it itches? Fear not, the Chindogu Society comes to your aid! With this shirt, all you have to do is name the square where it itches, looking at your card (which you’ll have to carry everywhere with you). You can be the most accurate you’ve ever been by saying “scratch my F3”, in order to quench your thirst for some scratching. Sunk!

Chopsticks with a Fan

Ah, we love ramen. The problem is that when it’s first served, it’s always too hot for our delicate mouths. Thanks to this (un)comfortable fan, though, you’ll never have to worry about that again. We hope your grip with chopsticks is good, though, or your ramen might fly away and end up as someone else’s mustache.

The Baby Mop

If child labor is not an issue to you (you know, because you don’t have a heart and all that), you can make your child mop the floors for you while he plays around the house thanks to this cute baby suit. The only downside is that you are never gonna be able to tell him that he’s never had to work for the food in his plate again.

Smoking Surgical Mask

Can’t get enough of your cigarettes? One just doesn’t give you a high anymore? Or do you just plainly hate your lungs and think you’d be better without them? This chindogu is for you. Now you get to smoke 12 cigarettes at once if you want to. But please, try to not cough your lung in public, it might be considered bad taste.

Cat Tongue-soother

If you and your cat are so close that you decided that it’s totally appropriate to share your meals, you might be worried about the temperature of his food. Now, seriously, in Japan it’s a well-known fact that cat’s tongues are particularly sensitive to higher temperatures, but this chindogu still makes no sense at all. If your cat is smart enough to understand the concept of air pumping to cool his food, he’s only two steps away from murdering you and learning how to use your credit card to order a life-long supply of Purina anyways.

Sleeping Helmet

If you tend to fall asleep while on public transportation, you might like this. The helmet has a plunger attached so you can stop headbutting the windows of your metro with every little movement. Also, the letters read “please, wake me up at [X] station”.

Forever Alone Pillows

This one is for those who have given up on human interaction, but still feel they deserve some love. Never mind the creepy side of this, now you get to sleep cuddling a human, headless torso or some amputated lady-legs, depending on your preference. It’s like true love made into a product.

Instant tissues

Priorities are priorities, and if comfort matters more than looking like an dork to you, here’s a solution for your snot issues. Just carry some toilet paper rolls over your head.

Portable Zebra Crossing

Damn, we hate traffic! If you think you’re a beautiful princess who should have priority above everyone else in the universe, you can use this to cross streets wherever you want. Just get one of your lackeys to carry it around, and call yourself the queen of the streets.

Chew Counter

If you are in the slow process of becoming a duck because you just swallow without chewing, here’s your chance of becoming a proud member of the human race again. This counter counts the times the user chews, and makes an alarm sound if they swallow before arriving the desired number. Public embarrassment at its finest.

Toilet Mug

Are you tired of people drinking your coffee with milk while you’re working somewhere else? The sad days of having to worry about that are over thanks to the Toilet Mug. As soon as your coworkers see this cup-sized toilet filled with a brown liquid, you can be damn sure they’re not going to want to drink it.

Eyedrops Funnel

If Parkinson is starting to become a problem while applying your eye drops, this is the solution for you. Just use the medicine and let the funnel do the rest for you.

Bathing suit for Hydrophobes

Never let your hydrophobia get in the way of you enjoying a hot-tub again! Thanks to this invention (which is, practically, just a big plastic bag) you can take immersion baths without water ever touching your smelly body.