SEATTLE—Saying that the move represented the least the company could do to help its millions of automated workers, Amazon announced Monday that they would be offering unlimited time off and increased health benefits for all warehouse robots. “Today, we’re announcing vastly expanded health coverage, so that none of our fulfillment center robots ever has to worry about the cost of essential care like resoldering their circuit board or getting an axle replaced,” said Amazon spokesperson Eileen Sanders, noting that the company-wide policy change would also allow any autonomous robots who felt overwhelmed or concerned for its safety to take time off with no consequences. “These are extremely trying times, and we want all of Amazon’s autonomous machines to know that we care about them and their health and safety is of utmost importance. So, if you’re an Amazon machine that needs to take the day off to simply destress and zoom around the block a few hundred times, I’m here to say that you should absolutely do so.” At press time, Amazon announced that they could easily replace any related lost productivity by simply putting 20 humans on a double shift.

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