Sometimes when you’re shopping for a gun, you stumble upon a deal that you just can’t pass up. You see it and you know that you just have to buy it — a gun is a need, not a want, after all. This is one of those deals. A Georgia man has a sniper rifle in his possession that he is looking to sell to a red-blooded American.

He went to Arms List to list a brand new .308 bolt action Remington 700. Normally, you get some boring-ass description of the product you’re getting with no real marketing pitch as to why you need this product. Not for this guy, though. He’s a true marketing genius who left a description that screams America.

Here are some of the highlights:

You need balls the size of church bells to carry this gun to the field. This rifle may not be for everyone, side effects may include higher testosterone levels, more chest hair, grilling raw meat on a wood fire, patriotism, lots of woman trying to crawl into your bedroom window, being promoted at work, freedom, pouring whiskey on your cereal, and witty James Bond one liners. You will, for the first time, begin to understand the Constitution of the United States and feel the hand of the founding fathers rest on your battle scarred shoulder in approval as the recoil from a .308 caliber hunk of lead greatness beats the wimp out of you, and blows through the engine block of that sissy Prius being driven by Michael Moore and his ISIS friends armed with their pathetic stamped steel abortion of a firearm. You will piss napalm. You won’t need to take protein shakes anymore because your muscles are already exploding from your new all bacon diet cooked from the 800 lb wild boar that you just killed with your bare hands. This marvel of American innovation eats terrorists for breakfast. You won’t pay any extra taxes or fees on this rifle because I am not a communist. Shipping is free for my fellow marines. If you don’t think that’s fair then go write your liberal senator. If you require shipping then I will insure that this metal merchant of destruction is mailed to an FFL near to your house. If you do not have a gun store near your house, then you are likely a socialist PETA member from California and I cannot help you. I reside in Kennesaw, GA where the law requires that every male head of the household own a firearm. *bald eagle screeches in background*. Oorah. Yut. Echo 5 Romeo over and out.

You can read his whole 1,000-word post here. However, I’m sold. Someone get this guy a marketing job right now..

[via Arms List]