“I don’t know what to say” was the biggest roadblock I faced when trying to charm women or connect with people. I was always at a loss for words, and I could not get over it.

I wanted to have the perfect thing to say. The exact, specific words that would get me in her pants, or the perfect jokes that would make everyone want to be friends with me.

Obviously, that doesn’t exist. On the other end of the spectrum, some advice out there says it doesn’t matter what you say – but I’m a very practical person, so that never resonated with me. I won’t deny that eye contact, tone, pacing, etc. are important and can mean much more than the words themselves, but without words, it’s not much of a conversation.

Today, I can confidently go up to anyone and start a conversation. In fact, I feel odd when I don’t talk to people around me. Here’s what I thought about when making this change.

Conversation Psychology

To figure out how to start a conversation, let’s consider why people don’t want to have a conversation. What’s the usual reason you hear? Ugh, I just don’t feel like talking.

People don’t want to talk when they are not feeling good. Naturally, the secret to starting a conversation is to immediately make the other person feel good. You have no idea what mood someone is in before talking to them, so nudging them towards a good mood from the start is going to give your conversation the best odds of success.

With this in mind, here are the tips I use to start a conversation with anyone.

1. Have a polished appearance

As humans, we are efficient judging machines. It’s not something we like to hear, but we immediately form snap judgments of people based on their appearance. You could have the perfect words to say, but if you look unappealing, you face an uphill battle.

I don’t recommend wearing a tuxedo every day (unless you want to), but you can definitely find simple fashion to create a more refined look (and I can help! see below). As soon as I did this, people were more open to conversing with me.

2. Compliment their style

What someone wears is a very personal choice. Even if it isn’t an Instagram-worthy outfit, people wear what they believe looks good on them. Validating this choice with a compliment makes people feel good and more open to conversation.

Pro tip: use words you don’t hear commonly to make your compliment go further.

E.g. “that dress is elegant" is better than “that dress is nice”

3. Compliment their personality

You may be thinking but I don't know this person yet. And that’s the beautiful thing about this tip – you don’t have to. Just compliment them on the personality trait you want them to exhibit.

For example, I like to say, “Hi, you seem like such a friendly person. My name is Amin ". More often than not, the other person will feel compelled to be friendly. This particular sentence opens people right up, and they will often ask me a question in return.

It might sound sneaky, because it is. It’s also ridiculously effective, and my personal favorite.

Pro tip: simple is better here. Try words like warm, kind, sweet, etc.

Use these tips and you will be starting conversations with ease. Leave a comment if any of these tips worked for you, or if you have any other tips to add.

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Do you freeze up around attractive women? Have you never kissed a girl? Have you never had a girlfriend? Do you feel that everybody else has friends but you don’t? I’ve been there. And it sucks.

Here's my 30 second story:

I use a wheelchair and I have a degenerative muscle condition. I was always the shy, nerdy kid, and I had ZERO success with women – my first kiss didn't happen until I was 22 years old. I went to an Ivy League University and landed my dream job at Microsoft, but I was miserable. After the girl I was in love with told me, "I don't know how any woman could be attracted to a guy in a wheelchair," I hired a dating coach to turn my life around. Now, my social calendar is booked weeks in advance, and I get to choose the friends that I really want to spend time with. Now, I've been on 60+ dates, I've enjoyed sex and intimacy with several women, and I've had incredible girlfriends.

If you desire similar experiences, I know I can help you. Get my practical tips for improving your social and dating life by signing up below. I would love to help you, because now that I've experienced these massive improvements in my life, I wish someone would have stepped in much earlier and helped me.