WOWZA!!! What a jammed packed episode! I can’t believe everything that went down! We had a tribe swap, but not just any ol’ tribe swap…oh no! We had the FIRST EVER Survivor tribe EXPANSION! The Ta Keo & Bayon tribes were re-configured into 3 tribes of 6 castaways each…and boy were there some GREAT moments! Let’s get to it!

(TONS of Shade coming honey!)

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Once again we here at SurvivorShade felt we needed to provide you, our faithful readers, with the official definition of Shade:

Real shade: Schadenfreude (/ˈʃɑːdənfrɔɪdᵊ/; German: [ˈʃaːdn̩ˌfʁɔʏdə]), also known as epicaricacy /ˌɛpɨˈkærɨkəsi/ is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.[1] This word is taken from German and literally means “harm-joy”. It is the feeling of joy or pleasure when one sees another fail or suffer misfortune. It is also borrowed by some other languages. An English term of similar meaning (but with no noun equivalent) is “to gloat”; which means to feel, or express, great, often malicious, pleasure, or self-satisfaction, at one’s own success, or at another’s failure.

Ooooh you KNOW that’s right honey!

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Just a reminder who our SurvivorShade contributors are:

Coby Archa, The fabulous skirt-wearing physical beast of Survivor Palau (S10)

John Carroll, the infamous leader of the Rotu Four alliance, who dominated the game…and subsequently was voted out because the people on the bottom banded together to vote him out on Survivor Marquesas (S4)…he knows a thing or two about how a tribe swap can mess up your Love Tribe.

(The last photos are by fans, Shawna Oglesby you can follow her on twitter @TFredricksonFan & Suzanne McCune-Vergano you can follow her on twitter @BlingitonBB)

Brice Johnston, who immortalized the words “Dot Dot Hmm!” at Tribal Council when he knew his Beauty tribe, in Survivor Cagayan: Brains, Brawn, and Beauty (S28) were about to vote him out…but were beating around the bush about it.

Aaaaaand we are SUPER excited to welcome Teresa “TBird” Cooper from Survivor: Africa (S3) as our special guest contributor this week!..she was apart of the FIRST EVER Survivor tribe swap…where her position in the game was markedly improved AFTER the swap…similar to Spencer this week.

It’s gonne be SO GOOD Y’all!

But first! Just a reminder that there WILL be spoilers for last night’s episode below

Alright alright, enough of this…let’s get to the SHADE!



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Heeeere weeee gooooo!

(GET IN THE SHADE!)

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Immediate gut reaction to Peih-Gee getting voted out?

Coby: I didn’t like it, I didn’t like it one bit. I didn’t want Abi either but I am always shocked when people have the numbers and don’t stick to the plan. It is her fault for trying to flip on her alliance.

John: I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. But I should have! Evil Abi had Peih-Gee’s number from the beginning. In retrospect, it appears that Evil Abi might have pulled a trick out of her boyfriend, Pete Yurkowski’s, bag of tricks and planted the bracelet. It seems that one of Abi’s go to strategies is to call up ACME Enemy Makers, add water, an ugly bracelet, and bam, create one. Enemy thy name is Peih-Gee. To think that Peih-Gee’s game ended before it began over that hideous piece of S&M jewelry, is mind blowing. That bracelet looks like something discarded by Cher’s stylist during the If I Could Turn Back Time video shoot.

If you remember, Pete pulled a trick out of the Hantz Book of Tomfoolery, and created chaos by planting a clue to the immunity idol in RC’s bag. That was enough for Abi to flip the game and get RC voted out. It appeared the ferocity of it caught RC off guard and then bye bye RC. You can imagine Abi and Pete plotting and plotting in anticipation of Abi’s return to the game. In Philippines, a clue ends up mysteriously showing up in a bag and boom RC is gone, and now in Cambodia, a bracelet ends up mysteriously showing up in a bag as well, and bam, bye bye Peih-Gee. Two different players. One household. As Brice would say, dot, dot hmmm!

Brice: To be honest I really would’ve thought the original tribe would have stayed strong and voted together! But I’m guessing Jeff wanted to stay strong with Abi so he can bring her to the end as his goat! But of course I didn’t want my girl Peih-Gee to go home so early! Guess she will think twice about taking someone’s bag with bracelets in it!

TBird: I can definitely tell you that by the look on Woo’s face I was NOT as surprised as Woo…for sure!!!

(Wha!!!???)

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How did ya like THEM tribe swap Apples!?

(The new tribe buffs…Mama Varner doesn’t want to look!)

(New Ta Keo tribe, New Bayon tribe, and New Angkor tribe)

Coby: I don’t have any f#cks to give. I have never enjoyed tribe swaps. It sucks up too much time that could be used telling me more personal stories about the people playing instead of the drama of who is with whom and why. Jeff Probst loves that crap not me.

John: As a viewer it is fantastic watching them scramble. Having been a victim of something similar, as a player, your mind is racing to figure out where things stand. The routine is done. The energy is changed. The game starts anew. Especially in an all returnee season where everyone is essentially playing an individual game.

Watching Varner make a Hall of Fame Blunder, blew my mind. He was caught red-handed and just like that, Tasha opened a door for her and Andrew to walk through. Never mind that a fleet of buses could waltz through that aforementioned door. The brazenness of his attempt at communication with Wigles was crazy. Only Jeff will know what he was thinking at the time, but there were 17 other players, 32 cameras and Jeff Probst right there. While Jeff may have thought he had fresh batteries running his magical purple cloaking panties, we see you, more importantly, a feisty, Tasha saw you and with her exuberant, “Road Guards Out” pose, her “We have a Rat!” exclamation entered the Survivor lexicon. It has been 15 years since Rattus norvegicus has made such a delicious memorable and game changing appearance.

Brice: Well as you all know I’m not a big fan of the three tribes situation, didn’t work out for me in the past. But for the most part I feel like everyone made out okay with the numbers. The only people that are going to have a hard time going balls to the wall are Tasha and Savage! When I saw the new tribes I was getting nervous for my girl Tasha but I know she is prayed up!

TBird: “Them tribe Swap Apples” ….loved it!! You have gotta keep those Survivors guessing. It keeps it so much more interesting for the fans and creates so much paranoia for the players…makes for GREAT T.V.!

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Do the Survivor gods really talk to you? And if so…what do they say? Did they appreciate being flipped off by Mama Varner!?

(Mama Varner flipping off the Survivor gods!)

Coby: Well everyone knows I love a good underdog. Varner is no underdog this season. He knows exactly what he is doing, how he wants to be seen on TV, and how he wants to get there. He might be flipping us off with a million dollars but with his heavy handed game play I just can’t believe these people would let him get to the end.

John: Well, if during Marquesas they were talking to me, I clearly was not listening! I imagine that during Marquesas they were saying things like, “John, don’t vote out Gabe.” John, keep your clothes, nobody got time for that.” John, coconuts are not only a laxative, they can be used in a challenge to reveal your pecking order, so when you deal with coconuts, wake the hell up and pay attention.” “You arrogant hussy, Paschal and Neleh are NOT rooting for your success.” And lastly, “John, you know that after eating a ton of coconut popcorn, that on any given day, a fart will turn into a shart.” PS, “Bet on Black.”

TBird:The Survivor Gods were talking to Spencer and not making much sense. Per Spence they said something like, “here’s where you are, where are you now??” Spencer, “WHATTTTTT???” Survivor Gods were either hitting the bottle or talking in tongues to my Spencer!

And, Mama Varner did NOT flip off the Survivor Gods BUT, MOTHER NATURE and that my friend, is FAR WORSE!!!!!!! “I hate this Place”, uh oh……

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How about Jeremy’s idol grab!?

(Jeremy with his clue…and the subsequent Idol grab…right under Kimmi’s nose!)

Coby: Smart, articulate and strong just like him. But I am sorry, Jeremy bores me to death I don’t know why. He seems like a great person but as far as watching him in the social experiment we call Survivor… Like watching paint dry.

John: The only thing that would look less obvious, is if an octogenarian with a walker and hammer toes tried to find the idol during the challenge. Kelley Wentworth is still the OG when it comes to Challenge Idol grabs. I am still team Jeremy. I have him in my Final Five. But damn, if that is his definition of subtle, he is in trouble.

Brice: Jeremy’s Idol grab was great! I’m super happy with Jeremy’s game so far! I feel like he’s making a lot of connections and somewhat flying under the radar. I have officially placed Jeremy on “Winners edit” List.

TBird: I think we ALL knew wayyyy before Jeremy got to the immunity challenge that he would ABSOLUTELY retrieve the idol no matter what!!!! He is one SMOOTH “LIKEABLE” OPERATOR!!!!!

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Should we start calling Mama Varner “Bubba” after his telegraphed move was caught by Tasha FIERCE!?

(Jeff trying to communicate with Wiglesworth…getting caught by Tasha FIERCE…and Mama Varner explaining his side of things to Probst)

Coby: It was so bold but I can’t even comment on it since his tribe seemed to care less. Tasha called him on it but then rewarded him with no votes. All talk and no action.

Brice: Okay Listen here. Varner has not been eating right and getting his recommend 8 hours of beauty sleep so he had an Emotional melt down! We are all entitled to have an Emotional melt once in a while! Too bad Varner “doesn’t remember having it“! However, Tasha was on her A game last night and wasn’t having any Rats in her house! Her Mama told her to keep family business in the house and keep the rats out!

TBird: Okay, EASYYYYY you guys on the “BUBBA” reference you are beginning to step on some toes down here in the south!!! 😉 BUT, that JEFFEY is soooo adorable. He reminded me of a little boy who thinks he is whispering to his MOM in church but everyone hears him!! PRECIOUS!!! OOPS!!! But, remember Jeff said no sleep, food, emotional meltdown ….I don’t know… BUT, I love the guy!!!

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Did Abi just call Mama Varner unpredictable!?

(Abi thinks Mama Varner is unpredictable…and with his new Buff-Headwear…who can blame her!?)

Coby: Agreed. Varner is far less predictable than Abi. You know who Abi is mad at. She might flip her vote but she will tell everyone before they vote. Varner nobody is gonna know until after.

John: Well, while that may be true, move over The Voice and The Amazing Race, Varner’s Epic Pout deserves its own Emmy. His face crumbled like a cookie being eaten by a nameless cracked out blue monster. From what we saw, Varner’s demise was a fait accompli. It looks like Abi worked her magic and saved Varner. The question is will Varner wake up and work with Woo, or will Woo wake up and work with Woo? I do wonder if Abi’s not so veiled threat will cause Woo to run to Andrew and Tasha and vote either Abi or Varner if they lose the next challenge and based on their energy and tribe sitcheeashun, the yellow tribe will be headed back to Tribal Council again.

TBird: KETTLE BLACK …and, that is why love her or hate her she is a fantastic, colorful character!!!! She also said that Peih-Gee talks way too much, you can’t shut her mouth, and she needs to take a chill pill…..whattttttt, I don’t think I have heard that many words out of Peih-Gee in the first three episodes!!!! Too funny…keep ’em coming. ABI MARIA you are HILARIOUS!!!!!

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Is the Brazilian Dragon running the show?

(IS SHE!?)

Coby: No. But like I said she is a emotional, honest player. So her wild votes that everyone knows about can be used to their advantage. At some point it will catch up to her when her vote doesn’t match everyone else’s agenda.

John: Um, what do you think?

Brice: It’s very clear that the Brazilian Dragon is shooting her fire all over this season of Survivor and I love it. I just Love Abi because she says what’s on her mind without holding back! She’s been in the hot seat this whole season far and has been able to avoid it every time!

TBird: Yep, our girl is most definitely running the Angkor Tribe or as I like to say, the ANGER Tribe!!! Savage was making sense about keeping more of the strength together but Abi Maria needed to get out her #1 enemy, Peih-Gee, who btw didn’t seem to think they had much of a problem with one another!!!! LOL!!!

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Who were you MOST impressed with & who were you LEAST impressed with?

Coby: Most impressed would be Tasha. She called out Varner and flipped four to her two. Pretty impressive day. Least impressed is AGAIN Wigglesworth!!!! Where is she??? We didn’t even get a reaction shot to Varner getting called out talking TO HER!!! Do the producers hate her this season?

John: Most impressed with Abi’s ability to go to Tribal Council, create chaos, not suffer for it, save her alliance partner, blindside a player, and have the cojones to casually look over at Woo and basically threaten all with a smile and a sneer. That is my kind of gal. But, I am gay, so what do I know.

Varner, Varner, Varner you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar and your pants off. Nothing more humbling that getting your hand caught in a cookie drawer in nonfunctioning magical purple cloaking panties.

Magical purple cloaking panties $129

Batteries for magical purple cloaking panties $11

Getting busted sending totally obvious signals to the other tribe thinking your magical purple cloaking panties made you invisible when you accidently wore your non-magical and equally atrocious boxer briefs and getting caught by Tasha and called a rat in front of 17 Survivor Players, 32 cameras, Jeff Probst, a hermit crab, and a seagull:

(The aforementioned atrocious boxer briefs)

F-ING PRICELESS

By the way, the last time I saw magical panties was in Palau. Nothing says gay sasquatch, like a 6’4” gay guy strutting down the beach with a long pole and black manties.

E

Brice: In this episode I was so impressed with Savage and Fox!!!! When the tribes initially split into 3 and Savage and Fox were without the numbers I’m thinking “Aint nobody got time for that”

but to my surprise Tasha and Savage were able to use some lube, slip into some of those tight cracks on the tribe, and were able to bust it wide open! Savage and Fox were able to expose the division of Abi and Peih Gee !

And Yet again Woo seemed to be lost and confused about what’s going on and his own backyard! Wasn’t impressed.

TBird: I am impressed with Jeremy’s social game…not just a strong player physically BUT he seems to really want to get to know the other players. And, he seems genuinely interested in each one of them!!!!I think I am least impressed with a few of the players who made comments that they felt like they were safe and NOT on the bottom of their respectful tribes. REALLY?????? This is SURVIVOR …it is ALL an ILLUSION!!!! You are ALL only one TC away from the DREADED extinguished TORCH!!! You can NEVER, EVER forget that!!

I am actually quite impressed with production and that huge puzzle at the immunity challenge oh but other than that “SHADE throwing skillz” goes to the one and only Abi Maria!!!!! She is REAL and she is still there even though Terry who had aligned with her said she is annoying and a TRAIN WRECK. She is the TRAIN WRECK that we can’t keep from watching!!!

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Who’s your pick for top of the shade tree?

Coby: Tasha. Varner. And Abi because Abi survived the FaceOff alliance break down.

John: Abi, Abi, Abi And where the F is Kass? I am thinking since Survivor is a three act Shakespearian tragedy on a beach, with no food, and without an intermission, Chaos Kass makes her debut at the merge and I, for one, cannot wait.

Brice: Remaining at the top of my List Is Abi and Varner and this Week I’ll be adding my baby girl Tasha! She was working it up and down the beach this week working her little social butt off! The Saints will be proud!

TBird: Top of the Shade tree this week is going to Jeremy for being just plain, wonderful Jeremy . And also because he kept a straight face talking to Spencer (who he has just met) about NOT being able to tell his girlfriend he loves her AND because when he was looking for the immunity idol clue he broke into a Dr.Seuss rhyme about where the idol could be….”is it on the ground,is it in the tree,is it high up,is it in the water” lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good stuff, Jeremy!!!! xoxoxo, T-Bird

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Alright then…NOW it’s time for THIS week’s SurvivorShade Tree!

(The Brazilian Dragon tops our Shade Tree this week! With her systematic takedown of Peih-Gee…she has Varner on life support and Woo is firmly in her sights! Yikes! What will she do next!?)

(Next up we GOTTA give props to the Dynamic Duo of Tasha FIERCE and Savage…they were hustling that beach HARD to make sure they were the ones deciding who would go…all while throwing MAD SHADE at Mama Varner)

(Our last row we have to give props to Kelley Wentworth for vigorously throwing Terry under the bus preemptively, only a shady cat can manage THAT…Mama Varner still managed to cast some shade by SLINGING that cloud over to Peih-Gee…and speaking of Peih-Gee, even though she got voted out she STILL made it onto our tree by throwing that shade all over the Brazilian Dragon)

(Aaand….sad to say it…but Mama Varner was DEFINITELY on the receiving end of the most shade…coming from ALL directions, Tasha, Savage, even ABI was throwing that shade…hope next week gets better!)

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A HUGE THANK YOU to TBird for being our special guest this week…tune in next week to see Alexis Maxwell from Survivor Cagayan as our special guest here on SurvivorShade!

Now, be sure to Like us on Facebook

follow us on twitter

follow all of our contributors on twitter:

Coby Archa

John Carroll

Brice Johnston

(and for this week) Teresa “TBird” Cooper

That’s all we’ve got this week.

and remember…

if you can’t stand the heat…get out of the shade!

(R.I.P. Peih-Gee!!!)