Ever the shrewd leader with his finger on the pulse of the nation, President Donald Trump has chosen to pick a fight with the birthplace of liberty. Philadelphia, said cradle of the American experiment, responded to Trump, "up yours."

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The Philadelphia Eagles, 2018's Super Bowl champs, were scheduled to visit the White House today. As has become customary during this presidency, some of the team's members were choosing not to attend, either due to schedule conflicts or because they didn't want to be in the same room as the president. Late last night, Trump made the churlish decision to disinvite the entire team.

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The Philadelphia Eagles Football Team was invited to the White House. Unfortunately, only a small number of players decided to come, and we canceled the event. Staying in the Locker Room for the playing of our National Anthem is as disrespectful to our country as kneeling. Sorry! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 5, 2018

The White House then released an expanded statement, which framed the cancellation as somehow the will of the people, particularly the people of Philadelphia, who apparently were traveling to Washington, D.C., to watch their local Eagles players stand for the National Anthem with the president.

The life of the sports fan is complex and expensive.

In any case, the city of Philadelphia, which never sleeps on drama, clapped back immediately and vociferously. The Philadelphia Mayor's official Twitter took a strong, if diplomatic, stance.

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I’m proud of the Eagles on & off the field. Our players represent the diversity of our nation—a nation where we're free to express our opinions. Disinviting them only proves the President is not a true patriot.



City Hall is always open for a celebration. https://t.co/kU7LZkBNin — Jim #MaskUpPHL Kenney (@PhillyMayor) June 5, 2018

Then the mayor, Jim Kenney, went to his personal Twitter where he took his earrings out and started street brawling.

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.@realDonaldTrump 's @Eagles WH cancellation is another sad example of Trump's pathetic juvenile antics & failure to lead. Eagles stand tall to Trump's childish behavior & builds us up, unites us as one! True role models for our kids! So Proud of our team! #FlyEaglesFly — Jim Kenney (@JimFKenney) June 5, 2018

It is actually remarkable how every single thing Trump does is the worst possible decision. Somehow, in his efforts to present himself as a freedom-fighting lover of liberty (who will definitely pardon himself of the crimes he's committed against the country), Trump has become the unrepentant suit-wearing bad guy in a sports movie about underdogs who drink locally brewed beer and work at a factory.



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Even though Philadelphia is overrun by philanthropic do-gooders, boundary-pushing artists, Meek Mill on a motorbike, and whoever is staying in those expensive hotels they insist on building everywhere, the city will probably never lose its scrappy bona fides. And if there's one thing that Donald Trump is not, it's innocent. Sorry, what I meant to say is, if there's one thing that Donald Trump is not, it's scrappy.

He puts his name in gold on everything; he owns multiple golf courses; he made a whole television show about firing people. He's literally every villain from the 80s except perhaps Hans Gruber.

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We'd better hope that Trump doesn't get us into a war because he can't even seem to win against an American city. He's like, "We're on the same side but I'm in charge." And the cities are like, "Arm the missile defense systems. There will be no further communications." Little Kevin Hart is out in these streets doing Hamilton raps and hyping himself up.

Even Ben Franklin's disease-riddled ghost was like, "Hey, scumbag: get bent."

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This is a city that rang a bell too hard and built a monument to it. They're like, "If you're a real patriot, you'll look at this effed up bell. There's a crack right in the middle of it. Stick your face in it!" And you're like, "Yeah, that bell does look broken, although I imagine it still rings. Have you tried it?" And Philadelphia is like, "No! Shut up! The bell is broken! Admission is $20!"

When they won the Super Bowl, the people of Philadelphia took to the streets en masse and flipped a Prius. A Prius! There's a lot of metaphors happening there.

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They climb poles for fun and celebration. This is a city that will best you in guerilla warfare and also a cursing contest.

They already had a party. Ya late, Trump. Getty Images

Trump has tried to make lemonade out of the lemons he planted and grew himself by reframing today's event as a "Celebration of America" concert.

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We will proudly be playing the National Anthem and other wonderful music celebrating our Country today at 3 P.M., The White House, with the United States Marine Band and the United States Army Chorus. Honoring America! NFL, no escaping to Locker Rooms! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 5, 2018

Not for nothing, but there's already a concert celebrating America: it happens on July 4th, it's hosted by Cuban-American child of immigrants, Pitbull, and it's in... Philadelphia.

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We are excited to announce Grammy winning global superstar @pitbull will headline @Wawa Welcome America July 4th Concert! @ThePhillyPops BIG Band will return with guest star Tony & Grammy Award winning @heatherheadley. Enjoy this FREE Party on the Parkway! #July4thPhilly pic.twitter.com/R6kEZ0HKfM — Wawa Welcome America (@July4thPhilly) April 9, 2018

Trump isn't helping his case by making what was supposed to be a celebration of a football team sound like a jubilee on a church lawn. No shade to the Marine Band and Army Chorus, these are not equivalent events. That's like when you buy tickets to a festival that Rihanna is headlining and then Rihanna has to drop out and the festival is like, "You should still come anyway! We've got tents! We've got beer! The sun will be out. Make a day of it."



And speaking of headliners, it's reported that after her much-ballyhooed appearance yesterday, after over 20 days out of the public eye , first lady Melania Trump will not make an appearance at the lawn party for freedom.

Maybe she'll be in Philly.

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.



Correction: An earlier version of this column stated that the Roots were hosting Wawa Welcome America. Though they have hosted in the past, they are not currently hosting this year.

R. Eric Thomas R Eric Thomas is a Senior Staff Writer at ELLE.com, home of his daily humor column "Eric Reads the News," which skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude.

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