Okay fellas, let’s talk about how to meet girls at bars. All aboard the struggle bus, amirite?!

Look, I know that (when you’re not Ryan Gosling) it can be hard to meet girls out in the wild. Even if you are some modern-day Adonis, it’s still no walk in the park. Maybe you’re shy, or you don’t want to be shot down for being not a woman’s “type.” But you have something to offer, and – if you can find the right angle – you can make it work.

{back when I was still known by my alias, Intern Gabi}

In college, the bars are the watering hole where pretty much EVERYONE goes to have fun, relax, and live up the best years of their lives. Today, so many people resort to apps, but I’m still a believer in meeting people IRL. You know, socializing.

Lots of my closest friends met their current significant others at bars, and so I’ll always be a proponent of a good old fashioned meet-cute. But how do you A) find a girl that is as stylish and engaging as you are, and B) interested in you?

Follow these tips from a lady (ahem, me) on how to meet girls at bars:

Dress Appropriately

If you’re going somewhere that you’ve never been to before, don’t be afraid to ask what other people are wearing. If you and your friends are going to a cocktail bar and they’re all wearing blazers, it wouldn’t hurt to follow their lead.

Dressing properly will at the very least keep you from feeling out of place, and at the most get the girls to come to you! I know I’ve gone up to guys and asked where they got a piece of clothing they’re wearing, and I’m sure other girls have done the same.

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Find Your Environment

When you’re feeling comfortable, you’ll also feel more confident when approaching women. Meaning? Start by figuring out where you like to hang out best. And in a “two birds, one stone” situation, a place that you like will also attract more of the type of people that you like.

Maybe you’re all about channeling John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever when you go out on the weekends, in which case, stick to the club circuit and find a girl who can keep up. Or if you like to follow the local band around to all their gigs, introduce yourself to that cute Penny Lane-lookalike that you see at all of their shows! Maybe you’re more reserved but know a lot of fun facts; head to trivia night at a nearby watering hole.

Ooh, and this is important: When you go out, bring just a friend or two instead of a big group, and sit so you aren’t closed off to the room. You’ll be more approachable.

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{A slip from bar trivia I played when I visited Madison: We didn’t win, but we had a blast}

Bring a Gal Pal

Women have a secret language in which you guys will never become fluent. Sure, a guy friend can help gauge interest from a member of the opposite sex, but honestly, he might be biased. What if he likes her too?? Women can give you a more accurate perspective. She can also throw in a good word for you if she’s willing to play wing (wo)man.

If you’re interested in someone you see but don’t want to make the first move, have your gal pal be the bait. Imagine this: your female friend approaches first, and opens with non-intimidating, non-weird conversation (shoes are always a great start). They swap life stories, after which your pal invite you over for a friendly introduction. Now you have to make a great first impression. We can help with that!

Gal pal can gauge her interest, and try to increase that interest by building you up, but ultimately, remember: you are responsible for the final verdict. But don’t let that scare you! Just be yourself; don’t try to be ‘cool.’ Girls can smell ‘cool’ a mile away.

Don’t Be Creepy

If you’re out somewhere with a dance floor that’s popping off, you may want to approach a woman while getting your groove on. So what do you do? What DON’T you do? THE LAST THING you want is to be known as the creepy guy at the bar. So how do you avoid that? I’ll tell you, and none of you can ever say “I didn’t know that was creepy,” again. Ready? Here goes:

Guys, you cannot just start grinding up on a girl on the dance floor.

It’s so disgustingly primal to just approach from the back. Dance your way up in front of her WHERE SHE CAN SEE YOU. You can make a fool of yourself, and if she laughs with you and doesn’t avoid making eye contact, then you can dance a little closer. Don’t try to force eye contact by staring; just accept that she isn’t interested and move onto her friend who is probably just as cute and will be more your type in the long run anyway.

{Don’t be this guy. Or any of these other guys}

Talk to her!

There’s a good reason a lot of good guys–a lot of perfectly well-dressed good guys–don’t have a girlfriend: confidence. The same guy that pushes through an extra set of chest flies at the gym–and then walks out wearing his nasty workout gear–is the same guy that’s confident enough to ask a girl way out of his league out on a date.

Because it’s as simple as this:

Women go on dates with guys who ask them.

Not all of them, of course. We have our standards (well, some of us do), but the answer to the unasked question is always no. The guy in the football jersey that goes after a girl out has a 100% higher chance of getting the girl than the guy in pressed khakis twiddling his thumbs in the corner.

In fact, I think physical fitness and romantic success have a lot to do with each other. Not because us ladies only want a guy who can shred cabbage on his abs (though, wouldn’t that be fun?), but because guys who feel good about their bodies generally feel pretty good about the rest of what they bring to the table, and it shows.

Of course, a guy’s confidence can come from other things–a keen sense of his own intelligence, having boat loads of money stashed in the bank, or sure, wearing a sharp pair of dub monks with no socks. A sound body is just one “lucky penny” that a guy can use to boost his confidence.

So the next time you see some lame-seeming bro with his arm wrapped around the waist of a beautiful girl, stop this from playing on repeat and think: what do I have going for me that would give me the confidence to ask out a girl like that? Because if that dude can, you certainly can. So what is it? A good sense of humor? A job you love (even if it doesn’t make much money)? Impeccable style? Are you captain of your intramural soccer squad? Whatever it is, it’s more than good enough to match that guy.

So go on: talk to her. You never know what could come of it.

That’s it! Not so hard, right? Now go forth, and get IRL social.