GAME 17 DRUNKEN RANT

Cincinnati Bengals (6-9) @ Baltimore Ravens (9-6)

CAUTION: DRUNKEN EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT ABOUT THE BENGALS FOLLOWS.

/start rant

Well, well, well. How the turntables…

Fuck you, Baltimore!

You ruined our playoff hopes in Week 1, but we ruined yours in Week 17! Ha!

We knew we were wasting our time all the way back when it was 80 degrees outside.

Idiots.

Admit it, the last two weeks have been genuinely fun to be a Bengals fan and in a year that provided more lows than highs, ending the season on this note was pretty fucking sweet.

I don’t know that there are any lasting conclusions you can draw from the Detroit and Baltimore games, but in those two match-ups they played their most inspired football of the season.

They’ve run the ball far better, protected well and opened up the passing game. Where the fuck was that for the first 14 games? Apparently it was riding the fucking pine, because those are the things that happen when you line up the right fucking hogs along the offensive line.

Anyway, aside from the combined joy of making Bengals fans happy at the expense of Ravens fans, the Buffalo Bills (and their fans) were able to get in on the fun.

With that Bengals win – the Buffalo Bills clinch their first playoff berth since 1999, ending the longest current drought in the NFL. ✊ #BillsMafia #YoureWelcomeBuffalo — Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) January 1, 2018

With the usual playoff-scenario mathematics in play, the Buffalo Bills needed a miracle from the Cincinnati Bengals on 4th and 12 with less than a minute to go and like he’s done more times in his career than Aaron Rodgers, Andy Fuckin’ GOAT Dalton delivered, much to the joy of Bills fans.

And Bills players!?

And the entire city of Buffalo! Awesome!

First, the love came from the Bills organization itself:

But it didn’t stop there.

The infamous Bills Mafia began showing their love for our red headed god by donating to the Andy and Jordan Dalton foundation, which as of this morning has capped $170,000 in donations!

Rooting for the Bills to win it all. This is fantastic. ✊ #BillsMafia https://t.co/VgwaB2wg2W — Cincinnati Problems (@CincyProblems) January 1, 2018

Update: 7,000 donors, $170,000. This is incredible. Let’s keep it up! pic.twitter.com/fOEwEyCCfR — Andy Dalton (@andydalton14) January 3, 2018

Even @EvilAndyDalton was trending in Buffalo:

BILLS MAFIAAAAAAAAA pic.twitter.com/BgMRWNl6qe — Elite Andy Dalton (@EvilAndyDalton) January 1, 2018

It truly is an awesome ‘feel-good’ story and I am so very happy for Buffalo Bills fans, but now that this story is starting to fade and the reality of a long, shitty off-season looms overhead, we start to look back.

The last two games have been fun, but it doesn’t erase an 0-3 start and a second three game losing streak during the season.

It doesn’t erase the fact that we never had a winning streak longer than two games, or that for the majority of the season this team has been damn fucking near unwatchable.

It doesn’t take away the sting of the cold hard stats:

26th in points per game

27th in passing yards per game

31st in rush yards per game

dead fucking last in total yards per game

not to mention 31st in home attendance average

At the end of the day (season), this isn’t a very good football team and if they are ever going to do what we want them to do (ie. win a championship or at least a goddamn playoff game) there’s a lot of things that have to change; including the guys on the sidelines and the guys between them.

Indecision 2018 has begun and there’s so much that hangs on it.

Grab a 6-pack – I have a feeling we’re not going to like this outcome.

[Update: Separate Marvin Lewis Rant incoming…]

/end rant

Look for more Drunken Bengals Postgame Rants All Season From THE JUNGLER

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