Scientists want us to eat bugs. Eating actual meat, from delicious cows and chickens and pigs and whatnot, is supposedly killing the planet. Instead, we should be eating wormburgers and maggot-dogs and cricket tacos. That’s literally what the eggheads want. They say it’s the only way we’ll keep everybody from dying of global warming. Every other day there’s another “news” story encouraging us all to eat filthy insects, like the mud-caked peasants they think we are.

So let’s say you do what your moral, ethical, and intellectual betters tell you to do. You stop eating meat. Maybe you don’t choke down cockroach casserole like they keep telling you, but you stop eating dead animals. You make that sacrifice for the common good. Now you’re off the hook, aren’t you? Now they’ll leave you alone, right?

Wrong!

Ian Randall, Daily Mail:

Families that often dine out and consume large quantities of sweets and alcohol are likely to have a higher carbon footprint than meat eaters, a study claims.

Researchers came to this conclusion after studying the food habits and carbon footprints of around 60,000 households across Japan.

They found that meat consumption typically only accounts for only 10 per cent of the different in environmental impact between low and high carbon households.

In contrast, households with high carbon footprints typically consumed around two to three times more sweets and alcohol than those with low footprints.

Well, it’s Japan, so I really feel like Godzilla screws up the average. He’s got a huge footprint, in every sense. But even so, obviously this means everybody should stop eating sugar and drinking alcohol. Otherwise, Greta Thunberg won’t grow up to scold us some more.

You know what? Why stop there? Everybody should just stop eating, period. Let’s all starve ourselves to death. Our only carbon footprint will be whatever is released as our corpses decompose. And then, that’ll be it. Just let mankind die off to save the world. (Everybody except Arnold Schwarzenegger and Leonardo DiCaprio, of course. As always, they’re exempt from the rules they want to impose on the rest of us.)

Environmentalists hate humanity and feel guilty for being part of it. If you derive any pleasure out of life, you must be stopped. Or as raconteur Jesse Kelly puts it: “The entire climate change platform is, ‘If you’re evil enough to be alive, at least have the decency to be miserable.'”

The holidays are depressing enough as it is. Go ahead, have some eggnog. Eat some cookies shaped like snowmen and Christmas trees. Flip off a scientist. Whatever makes these next few weeks bearable. Tell those Scrooges to go scold themselves.