For far too long—and perhaps even now—conversations around abortions in India have been the stuff made up of whispers, stigma, and shame. While having pre-marital sex is, in itself, a big taboo, that of having a child born out of wedlock is even more so. Abortion in this scenario—in a space that is safe, non-judgemental and legit—is mostly unthinkable. This is a country where unsafe abortions are the third-leading cause of maternal deaths , and 80 percent of Indian women have no clue that abortion within 20 weeks is actually legal. And while studies have shown that unsafe abortions stem from lack of awareness , the societal norms around reproduction almost always dictate how and when women should be giving birth.

In a research last year, it was found that despite legal access to abortion services, unmarried Indians face challenges due to the stigma. In fact, even now, there is very little evidence to highlight the kind of vulnerable position the young and unmarried women are in when it comes to abortion. Which is why, last week, when the Supreme Court admitted a Public Interest Litigation (PIL) to the Centre that seeks decriminalisation of abortion and talks about giving complete autonomy to women to make reproductive choices, it made a few of us sit up and take note. The PIL, among other observations, notes how the current abortion law, under the Medical Termination of Pregnancy Act 1971, doesn’t mention unmarried women at all.

In this context, VICE struck up a conversation with Paulomi Bose*, who breaks down the reality of being an unmarried woman in India and getting an abortion as a 20-year old who, like most Indian women, had little to no idea of what it means to have an abortion in India. Unlike many women, though, she has survived to tell the tale:

VICE: Hi, Paulomi*. How comfortable are you talking about your abortion?

Paulomi Bose*: I’d be a hypocrite if I told you I’ve always been comfortable talking about it. I would never ever talk about it in front of my family. And you’d never think someone like me would feel this because I think of myself as empowered, who does her own thing and to use the cliched term, is a truly free-willed spirit. I’ve talked about it to friends, colleagues, you, but never ever my family.

How old were you when you got an abortion? What did you know about it until then?

I was 20. I come from a small town, and I didn’t know a lot of stuff. I was in a relationship and yes, I was having a lot of sex. The only thing I knew about abortions was that it was evil, that you shouldn’t do it. This is what they teach you at the so-called sex-ed classes in school, where they scare (especially) female students into believing that any form of sexual activity will lead to eternal damnation. Abortion was always equated with murder. The fact that you can have agency over your own body, that it’s your choice, that abortion is a valid option, is never ever talked about. In fact, I didn’t even know it was even legal until I had my second abortion six years later.