I recently listened to Reality Steve's podcast with Courtney Robertson, the winner of Ben Flajnik's season, who too dated Arie briefly and who seems to be a close friend of his. His past relationship with a woman named Sydney was a focal point of this discussion and it stood out to me because Courtney, as Arie's friend (who had evidently heard his side of the story), felt Sydney likely thought what she and Arie shared was something far more serious than it actually was. Courtney claimed Arie expressed regret that he didn't end it sooner and that he "allowed" her to become as invested as she did. Unto itself, I would believe them both as I do think many (too many!) women tend to ignore red flags and become way too invested without taking proper stock of what feelings/actions/commitment are being reciprocated. That said, after watching Arie not only "allow" but truly enable two women to feel 100% confident that they were The One—with no (or insufficient) foresight for the impending and inevitable breakup—I can totally see this being a pattern in his real life.

An ex-boyfriend of mine used to call himself an "expectation manager". He believed in underselling and underpromising (he's British and was the one from whom I got my "show, don't tell" expression), as doing such would only ever result in exceeding others' expectations of him, rather than falling short of them. ("Show, don't tell" applies here, too. It really does apply to everything! Telling both women he loves them really is just a bunch of words, until the action—or the showing—of choosing one.) Now, I do think it is possible for a person to over-underpromise and over-undersell—it can tie into being too modest and too noncommittal-seeming and not effusive enough—but I would WAY rather a person (especially a romantic interest) lean more like that than being an over-promiser to the point of deception.

Another guy I dated (so many ex stories today!) believed in being an "ethical player". Basically, you can be a player—by all means, enjoy it!—AS LONG AS you are 100% honest about what your intentions and level of commitment are, and that you, yes, manage those expectations. For example, knowingly allowing a woman you're dating to think your relationship is monogamous when you really don't treat it thusly—even if it's only by omission of truth and transparency, because, say, you've just never had the "talk" about monogamy—is still dishonesty, and is unethical.

Look, I really like Arie and totally believe he is 100% sincere about wanting to find a longterm, permanent mate. I don't see him as some douchebag player or master manipulator who doesn't give two shits about the women he dates. That said, unintentional deception is still deception. Especially when it's not a one-off and it's beginning to look an awful lot like a pattern. Regarding Arie, I actually think he's getting in his own way in his pursuit of longterm love because I believe he may be cursed with grass-is-greener mentality (a cousin to FOMO), which is a tricky affliction to shed. (Take it from me—I used to suffer from the same mindset.)

BECCA'S LAST DATE

In the evening of her final date, Becca reads Arie a letter she's written him, but note what she says versus what's on the page. At least a two paragraphs, if not pages worth of content were skipped over...