UFC’s Joe Rogan Kills Mountain Lion Outside Comedy Club

PASADENA, CALIFORNIA- News out of California never really shocks me anymore, but when the report surfaced about stand up comedian Joe Rogan killing a mountain lion, I was in disbelief. Rogan, who also does commentary for the UFC and is a black belt Jiu Jitsu fighter, was injured only slightly in the bizarre confrontation with the wild animal. Mr. Rogan was taken to a local hospital but released very shortly afterwards.

The incident happened last night outside of The Icehouse Comedy Club, in Pasadena, at about 2 AM. Rogan and his crew of comedian pals were leaving the club after a night of performances when they were saw a shadowy creature lurking behind a dumpster in the parking lot. Rogan’s friend and stoner podcast assistant, Brian Redban said, “I freaked out when I realized that thing was no house cat. I was really high when I left the club so I was not sure what I saw was really a f**king mountain lion. I was really high when I left the club. Really high”.

According to a police report, Rogan was able to get the big cat into “one of them Kung Fu holds, then somehow used his belt to choke the lion to death.” Joey Diaz, a Rogan associate who was with the group during the incident, told us, “I got the hell out of there as soon as I saw the damn lion. I love my friends but I was certain we were all going to get eaten alive, so I just ran. I only recently started doing Jiu Jitsu so I would not have been much help to Joe. I was glad to hear later that they survived the encounter. I love those guys.”

We spoke with the director of Wildlife Management in L.A., Timothy Green, and he was shocked that Joe Rogan was able to fight off a mountain lion, much less kill it. “Mountain lions are ferocious killers and a human being should not be able to kill one without a gun. The fact that Mr. Rogan survived the attack and then choked the big cat out of existence, truly amazes me. Either he is the baddest comedian in history or that cat was disease stricken and close to death already when they met up.”

We checked back with Brian Redban to see if he thought there could have been something wrong with the lion that helped Rogan kill the predator. “Oh no, that thing was at full strength, no doubt SON!. In fact I would put money on Joe versus another lion or tiger or any animal really. He is a martial arts expert who has went on multiple psychedelic trips, so he is not your average human. He is on some kind of Matrix level.”