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Commuting to work on the back of a single animal might be fine for cowboys and Europeans, but I think we can all agree Cracked readers are a more discerning sort. Here's an example of a man, probably a successful banker of some sort, commuting to the office on the back of two tigers.

Screams "I demand respect!" Also, "RAAAAAWR!"

Other ideas in the same vein: - Penguin drawn carriage. - A basket tethered to hundreds of owls. - Hamster shoes.* *Until science breeds a stronger hamster (write your Congressman) you may have to make do with lying down very carefully on a group of about 80 trained hamsters and crowd surfing about. Still pretty cool. Impressing women: It's a simple fact of life that women tend to be more attracted to successful men, and particularly men with power. And if your career at Orange Julius is leaving you feeling a little low in the "success" and "power" departments, why not give a boost to your sex life by acquiring an army of loyal animal minions? The solution is so obvious!

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"Yes I would like to go to the park and watch a pack of dingos tear apart people of your choosing!"

__For exotics, a trip abroad is sadly your only real option. As a profession, zookeepers are surprisingly resistant to bribes and quick to cast judgment. Unless you possess greater charisma than I (you don't), or deeper pockets (more likely) I don't suggest you go down that route. Common domestic animals are much easier, and the usual sources apply: the SPCA, classified ads or Craigslist. Be sure to pick your animals up one at a time though. People seem to get a little hesitant when you pull up in a van with thirty cats already inside of it, and will ask lots of questions about your "crazy, darting eyes."