Some people call Mississippi the Hospitality State, but I don't.

Weeks after moving to Mississippi this winter, lawmakers crafted a bill that seemingly singles me out.

That bill became law and went into effect Monday. It criminalizes using meat terminology to label and market non-meat products.

They say this bill will protect Mississippians from the horror of accidentally tasting tofu, but it also means I, Giacomo Bologna, could be imprisoned for promoting my work as a journalist because I am not a literal package of pre-sliced processed baloney.

At any moment, I fear a highly trained agricultural SWAT team will bust through the windows of the newsroom and take me away in handcuffs for trying to mislead the public about whether I am a human reporter (ew, yuck) or a delicious platter of lunch meats (yum).

Supporters of the new law say our state government is looking out for us, arguing that who among us hasn’t gone to a grocery store, selected the first item that resembled a meat product, bought the product, taken it out of its packaging, seasoned it, cooked it, and bit into it before realizing they actually ate a vegan steak?

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Opponents say this law is a thinly veiled attempt to shut down competition to the meat industry, to which supporters of the bill respond, "That's baloney!"

Our forefathers imagined a land where one day Americans could go to a grocery store and toss whatever meat-like object we could find into our shopping carts and know in our hearts that it was not tofu.

Nonetheless, there are dramatic consequences to this bill that I fear our lawmakers did not consider.

I am no lawyer, but I think this law criminalizes the filming or promotion of any movie in Mississippi starring Jon Hamm or Kevin Bacon. Similarly, Meat Loaf and Angus Young will never schedule another tour date in the Magnolia State.

It takes a lot of political courage in Mississippi to take on the vegan food industry.

However, I ask that lawmakers amend the law to protect me and fellow Mississippians with names such as Joe Beef and Tiffany Salami.

P.S. If Agriculture Commissioner Andy Gipson asks, I’m outside of state lines and not within jurisdiction of his agricultural SWAT team.

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Contact Giacomo "Jack" Bologna at 601-961-7282 or gbologna@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @gbolognaCL. He normally covers politics, but sometimes he writes humor, especially about baloney. Or bologna. Or sometimes even Bologna.