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Q. Paid time off leaves everyone angry: One of my co-workers recently discovered his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has to go to chemotherapy and he has to stay home to take care of her and their infant child. We are a close-knit private school and, as teachers, are always expected to give, give, give. A few days ago, one of the guidance counselors sent around an email asking if anyone would like to donate paid time off to this teacher. Many people began replying to the email where everyone could see, each donating the equivalent of one or two days. I personally do not approve of “donating” paid time off because I feel as though this is the responsibility of the school’s owner, not for other employees. I ignored the email and sent my co-worker a nice card with a gift card to a resort that I know he likes taking his family to and is nearby the hospital his wife is attending. I also formed a group of teachers to take turns cooking extra dinners and meals to drop off with his family. Well, one of my fellow teachers asked if I was going to donate my paid time off, especially since I am never sick. When I told her no, she asked why. I explained my reasoning and that I am helping out in these other ways. She called me selfish, explaining that without the paid time off, he could lose the family insurance and jobs after a while. She then proceeded to tell several of my other co-workers, many of whom are now avoiding me. Am I doing something wrong? Am I really being selfish? Or is it really my responsibility to give my paid time off to people who use it rather than cash in?

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A: I am so sorry you’re in this position, and I couldn’t agree more that the fault lies with the company that doesn’t give employees sufficient time off to help support their partners with cancer—not the one or two days’ donation you could provide your colleague. I’m so sorry that another teacher asked you this in the first place and then pushed to demand more details about your own time off, and on top of all of that has started bad-mouthing you to the others. She’s not helping your colleague whose wife is sick by doing so, and she’s not doing anything to improve conditions for other workers. My best advice is to ignore the fact that you’re being ignored, continue to offer your help and support to your colleague through the meal exchange, and keep working. I would also understand if you decided to sacrifice a single day of paid time off not because you agree that you “owed” it to him to begin with, but simply because the act of doing so has become a symbol of supportiveness to so many of your colleagues—in short, to get them off your back. You shouldn’t have to, and your employer is the one whose feet you should all be holding to the fire, but if you decide it’s worth it, then I’d understand.