Trump to Nominate N.R.A.’s Talking Gun Mascot to Supreme Court

President Donald Trump nominated Shooty the smiling pistol to the Supreme Court to fill the vacancy left by Justice Kennedy this morning. The Federalist Society was reportedly pleased by the nomination. “Shooty supports our conservative values,” a spokesman said. “What better symbolize freedom then a happy gun?”

Shooty released the following statement in response to the nomination, “I am pleased to be able to serve this country and uphold liberties for all people, except for women of course.