Every four years, Americans get to witness the pinnacle of human achievement and healthy competition as our nation’s best and brightest fight their way to the top on national television. Then, mere weeks after the Olympics’ closing ceremonies, we have to suffer through the Democratic and Republican National Conventions.

This year, the conventions are bound to be worse than ever as a hurting economy and a level of partisanship that defies all logic and reason will inevitably cloud intelligent discussion on the issues we should be caring about. So, to save ourselves from disappointment — and our televisions from things being hurdled at them — we’ve created a drinking game for each convention that should hopefully take the edge off. By the end of the night, even an elephant would blissfully forget that “legitimate rape” is now a thing.

Take One Drink:

— Whenever Mitt Romney and/or Paul Ryan enthusiastically points or gives a thumbs up (See photo for excellent example)

— Whenever a speech is interrupted by clapping. Drink more (or take a shot?) if there is hootin’ and hollerin’

— For every flag pin you spot on a lapel

— Every time someone mentions “We Built It” — Whenever someone mentions Obamacare

— Whenever someone says “We can do better!” — Whenever someone says “We can change it!” — Whenever someone says “We believe in America!” — Every time you see a suggested Twitter hashtag — Every time Romney reassures us that he’s a tried and true conservative. Take Two Drinks: — Whenever “The Romney Programme for Economic Recovery, Growth and Jobs” is mentioned — If anyone calls Ryan out for referring to rape as a “method of conception” — Every time there is “USA USA USA” chanting

— When Romney’s taxes are mentioned

— When Bain Capital is mentioned