New Jersey Transit, a screeching wheel of karmic misfortune inflicting creative new terrors on thousands of riders each day, is just as dysfunctional on the inside as it is on the outside, according to a long-delayed audit released to the public on Tuesday.

Ordered in January by Governor Phil Murphy, the $1.3 million report begins by noting that the transit system is suffering from "inadequate, uncertain and unsustainable" funding, an "overly complicated" decision-making body, and no discernible plan for making technological improvements. Over the course of 179 pages, the audit goes on to describe the inner-workings of a system in crisis, offering a detailed look at how NJ Transit became, in Murphy's words, a "national disgrace."

"NJ Transit has no strategic plan, no retention program, no knowledge management program, and no succession plans," the report concludes. "The organization has an overly complex organizational structure matched by equally as complex business processes. The organizational culture reflects 'buck passing' and siloed behaviors, low employee morale, and ill-defined roles, authorities, and accountabilities."

While those deeply entrenched systemic problems can't be solved overnight, the report does offer the public agency some tips for making things appear less miserable. Identifying the agency's somewhat lacking social media strategy, the auditors recommend that employees not post content to Facebook during morning or evening rush hour, when riders "will be more likely to lash out." Cutting down on negative engagement on tweets will be more challenging, the report acknowledges, because "maintaining an active presence on Twitter can be a challenging task with a lot of vitriol thrown back at social media employees."

Indeed.

NJ transit is so trash. Fuck your apologies just keep the train moving. — Alex (@Lastshot45) October 8, 2018

I’m a firm believer in hell & it’s actually called NJ Transit — Kenny (@kendallgregory_) October 3, 2018

Remember when you told us that you’d “work hard” in fixing NJ Transit? It’s only gotten worse. Why should anyone believe anything you say? Eat shit & die of malaria — Leung! (@aleung275) October 5, 2018

The audit also notes that NJ Transit "does not conduct any formal workforce planning," and instead relies on "ad hoc and reactive" hiring processes. The result is an alarming shortage in train engineers, which officials say contributed to dozens of last-minute train cancellations this summer.

Beyond the unexplained delays and disappearing trains, NJ Transit commutes have also been plagued in recent months by derailments, power issues, egregious customer service, and the occasional impalement incident. Within moments of the audit being made public, NJ Transit announced that it was experiencing delays due to track maintenance.

For his part, Governor Murphy has promised to take the report seriously, even as he's overseen a significant reduction in transparency within the agency. “We are not going to let this audit collect dust," he promised.

You can read the full report here.

