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Is everybody in the communications office of the Texas Republican Party 300 years old? Did they all fight at San Jacinto? Did they all vote for Sam Houston?

Right now, human oil spill Ted Cruz, the most friendless man in any crowd, is running for re-election against Congressman Beto O'Rourke, a young, handsome, charismatic politician who went viral just last week for being more open-minded and honest than the Tailgunner has been his entire career. And the Texas GOP thinks the way to attack a cool new candidate is to remind people that he once was in a band.

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Maybe Beto can’t debate Ted Cruz because he already had plans... pic.twitter.com/LdqKTh3yK4 — Texas GOP (@TexasGOP) August 28, 2018

No kidding. This is just stupid. Also, not for nothing, but if you're the incumbent, as well as the runner-up for your party's last presidential nomination, and you're begging your opponent for debates, you're losing, hoss.

And this is just an embarrassing attempt at a comeback.

Somebody needs more fiber in their diet.

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Charles P. Pierce Charles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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