Indian Parents have no chill

“Indian parents” is the ideal topic to joke on, for Indians. It’s dead straight. You narrate any incident of any interaction, big or small, with your parents, and it’s going to be funny.

For a quick TL;DR, you can hear me narrate this blog post on my SoundCloud

It has been a year I am out of college. So I did engineering. Like every other Indian guy. (Those sissies who didn’t couldn’t handle math and/or physics. Those passion stories are bullshit).

And I got ‘placed’ into a few software firms like Zomato and Facebook. Just like any other Indian guy. (You see I didn’t even mention my majors. It wasn’t Computer Science. But that’s besides the point).

And I didn’t join either. Here’s where the regular Indian Guy story goes off the plot. I joined a startup called Coding Blocks as one of the founding members. We teach Indian college students (who, as you by now know are all engineering undergrads, unless they can’t math) to develop software. Because the engineering colleges don’t. So that they can get ‘placed’ into companies like Zomato and Facebook. I can hear you sigh at the irony, but wait, the actual joke hasn’t even begun.

So, now, my parents are in a very uneasy situation. For 22 years, they have been building the muscle memory of asking “Why aren’t you studying?”, every time they had eye contact with me.

Reading a novel : Why aren’t you studying ?

Taking too long to eat : Why aren’t you studying ?

Constipation: Why don’t you take a book inside ?

Looking at the stars and figuring out the answer to life universe and everything : Son, it’s 42. Now please get back to your studies.

And on those rare occasions when I was found performing unspeakable acts that do not befit a hard working student — like playing FIFA, or watching a series — basically almost any activity involving my laptop, I have this massive guilt trip. You can’t look your parents in the eye for a week. You will be doing the dishes, turning off the fan diligently, putting the water bottle in the fridge, and other acts of an adarsh baalak (ideal son) and fervently wishing you get back into the good books as soon as possible.

That’s because for all these years, the only constant in my life was an upcoming exam. Midterm, Sessional, Half-yearly, FA, SA, IITJEE, AIEEE, AISSCE, Olympiad — they come in various names. (No, the only constant in life is not change. If you are above 22, the only certain thing is death and taxes. If you’re below 22, the only certain thing is exams and parent’s telling you to study).