Danger in the workplace in Grand Theft Auto 5

These are the hazards found in a typical American workspace according to the www.hammersteinfaust.com in game website:

Pencils on Desk

Pencils are made from lead - a known cancer causing carcinogen. If you ever suspected that you were getting slower and dumber, here's the reason why. If that doesn't work, fall on one and stab yourself, claiming an unsafe working environment.

Desk Chair

Office chairs give you hemorrhoids and shred your lumbar vertebrae. You are moments from being paralyzed for life. Start walking stooped over, better yet. use a cane. See, isn't it easy to claim disability?

Computer Monitor

The particles emitted by computer monitors are deadly and will make you go blind within years. Also if you walk by another person’s monitor, scream out "That's disgusting! He’s looking at pornography!” They will deny it. but you win.

Computer Keyboard

All that typing will give you carpal tunnel syndrome and a weak masturbation grip.

Pictures of Family Members

Every-jackass in the office has boring pictures of their family up on the wall - if you're single, claim this is discriminatory and giving you panic attacks.

Stapler

One of the most versatile weapons of mass litigation. Staple your eye shut, and we'll get you six figures.

Permanent Markers

Claim that huffing these and keyboard cleaner got you addicted to solvents.

Smartphones

The smart phone that your employer kindly pays for emits dangerous radiation that will make you die early and your sperm useless. Your children will be slow!

Trash Can

A hotbed of germs and bacteria. Find an accommodating doctor and you can take this to the bank.

Paper Clips

Get one of those in your turkey sandwich by mistake and it will attack your lower bow el like a Samurai. Trust us it’s worth it.