You

Look, we wish there were some other way to do this. We wish that becoming healthy was simply a matter of diet, exercise, and willpower, but it's not. Becoming healthy requires completely eliminating the Old You—the old habits, the old attitude, the old identity—to make room for someone newer, fitter, and happier. Which is why, in order to complete the ClickHole Clean Eating Challenge and become a genuinely healthy person, you must literally devour your corporeal body. You have to eat yourself. There's no way around it. You have to ingest your own body.

Ingredients You

20 mg. morphine

Before you begin, administer the morphine intravenously to help dull the unthinkable pain you will soon be experiencing. Wait until the opioid has you feeling drowsy, disoriented, and—most importantly—numb. Then, starting at the toes and ascending upwards, begin eating yourself alive. Bite swiftly and forcefully to ensure that you're tearing the flesh cleanly from your body. Try biting off small, manageable chunks so that you have no difficulty swallowing. Do not panic at the sight of blood or organs; it will only prolong the task at hand. If you have a hard time biting off any particular portion of yourself, feel free to use a sharp chef's knife to pare away the stubborn flesh. After you've consumed your genitals and begin feeding north of the pelvis, you will start to encounter vital organs. This can be particularly alarming to someone who has never eaten themselves before, so to ward off the shock, try imagining that you're eating someone else's vital organs instead.

As you eat your way into your digestive system, you may begin noticing body parts you've already eaten emerging partially digested from the severed, dangly entrails on which you're feasting. Do not feel the need to re-eat these parts, as they will only fall out of your torso again. Once you've eaten your abdomen and there's nothing remaining but the chest, arms, neck, and head, you may find it physically impossible to eat any further, but don't give up! We assure you it is doable. You may actually find that it's surprisingly easy to get past the chest, arms, and neck, although the head, admittedly, is somewhat of a challenge. The most effective way to go about eating your head is to simply open your mouth as wide as humanly possible so as to invert your face and stretch your lips condom-like over the circumference of your cranium until it has been completely swallowed. And once you've done that, you're done