I love Claudia Schiffer so much. I love her in jeans. I love her in the Bon Jovi video. I love her on the cover of Trump Fans of Indonesia magazine. I just love her so much. I love her more than I love Rammstein, the movie The Lives of Others and Heinz mayo, combined. Why do I love Claudia so much? I have no idea. I just do.

I started loving Claudia when I was a kid, I guess. I was watching Interview with the Vampire and I was thinking, boy, she was pretty even as a little girl. Only later I found out it was actually Kirsten Dunst. When I was older, I used to think the gold in the German flag represents Claudia Schiffer. For real. Everything I wrote until now is totally for real. I ain't kiddin'.

I hate David Copperfield, though. Even though David is a Jew and Claudia is German. I just hate him for fucking Claudia. I also hate magicians in general, but that's beside the point. I hate David Copperfield, period. Always have. Some white people hate black people, too. Because they think that America cannot be great with black people in it. Black people remind America about the slavery period of America, so America is less great each time a new black person is born in America. Just like David reminds me that I have never fucked Claudia. (Full article...)