Chapter 28

"Bye Yang, byebye Summer!" Kali bid with a wave. "Be good!" She walked away from the car that had brought her home, heading for the apartment building before her. Looking after Summer was always such a delight, and this time she got to gush over Reese. Summer had, understandably, been worried she would not be able to come over often anymore, but Kali soothed her. Summer would always be welcome, she would just have a cousin to play with now! Her family was growing larger by the day, and sharing in her delight was one of the sweetest treats in the world.

Climbing up some stairs and walking down the hall, Kali used her key to enter her daughter's apartment. "I'm hooome!" She sang, closing and locking the door before taking off her sandals, stowing them on a nearby shoe rack.

"Mom?" Velvet called from the kitchen.

Kali perked up at Velvet's voice, both because she still found joy in Velvet addressing her as such, and because of the tone in which she said it. She sounded tense. "Velvet, dear, are you okay?" She asked as she entered the kitchen.

Velvet stood leaning against the counter, hands wringing, a worried look on her face. "I'm...fine, it's Blake. She...she gets in these moods sometimes. She gets really quiet and asks to be alone, and it's happened again and it's been ages since it last happened. I'm worried, I'm always worried. I don't know what to do. I'm just stuck here waiting for her to come out and say she's fine, but it never feels right."

Kali pulled her into a hug, Velvet melting into her arms as she shakily regained control over her breathing. "I know how it feels. It's been a habit of hers since her early teens. At first I allowed it, but over time I learned a better way to handle it." Kali grinned, pecking Velvet on the forehead before strolling off, turning down the short hallway until she stood in front of the bedroom door. "Kitten, mummy's home!" Kali knocked twice before opening the door, peeking in to find Blake sitting on her bed, an open book in her lap.

Blake looked up at her mother, letting out a small sigh before smiling faintly. "Hi mom, how was Summer?"

"Adorable, as always." Kali answered as she slipped into the room, walking over to join her daughter on the edge of the bed. "I told her about Reese. She's excited to have her first cousin! Watchya' lookin' at?" The book appeared to be a scrapbook, several instant photos and printed pictures adorned one page, but the other was completely blank.

Blake gazed at the page sadly. "I used to keep this when I was in school. My friends and I would take a bunch of pictures, and on weekends we'd sort through them, and put our favorites in here." She flipped back near the start, finding a specific page and pointing to a group selfie, Blake in the middle with four others flanking her. "Ollie, Sheena, Lillian and Saffy." Blake pointed them out from left to right. "Ollie went into vet science, Sheena joined the military, Lillian's a lawyer in Atlas, and Saffy...she passed away last year." Blake ended in a somber tone.

"Rest her soul." Kali prayed. "Do you still speak with them?"

"Yeah, actually." Blake nodded. "I got back in touch at Saffy's funeral...we chat every now and then. I visit them when I'm nearby, but we'll never be as close as we used to be...it's too late for that." She turned back to the final page. The pictures were more mundane, a bird, a shoreline, Blake's foot with toes freshly painted, and a cluttered desk. Then nothing. "When I started using, I stopped scrapping. Things had been hard for a while. Ollie and Lillian were cramming, Sheena was out partying more often than not. Saffy was all I really had left...we used to smoke together. It was fun, we liked being together...we'd even fooled around a bit...and if things had kept going like that, maybe nothing would have gone wrong. Maybe I'd be with Saffy, maybe I'd have graduated...but then I met Adam...and shit went sideways…"

Blake closed the book, hugging it to her chest. Kali lay a hand on her back, a simple, warm reminder of her presence, of her support. "Do you want to talk about him?" Kali murmured. Blake was silent for a time, staring blankly at the wall in front of her, before finally nodding shakily. Kali moved back, arranging the pillows more comfortably before patting the bed beside her. With a deep breath, Blake joined her, accepting an arm around her shoulders and leaning into her mother's warmth. "Whenever you're ready Kitten, at your pace."

After a long silence, Blake began. "Adam was...handsome, strong, intelligent and passionate. I'd never met a man that made me feel so...allured before, ever. It was shocking. We met one night because I was out of pot. I'd had a shit week, and my dealer wasn't picking up, and I didn't wanna' ask anyone else for a hit, but I did ask if anyone knew another dealer...I call him, he says to meet him in some back alley in half an hour. I showed up, some deal was already going on, then an argument broke out. The guns came out and suddenly I'm in the middle of a shootout and I'm standing there scared shitless.

"Then someone tackles me, everything goes quiet, I open my eyes and...it was like...time stood still and...and he knew. He had this smirk like he knew he had me already because I was so out of it and blushing and giggling at his flirting. He asked me what I needed the pot for, and I said it was to feel better, escape from reality for a bit. He said he had something better, if I was up for it. And that's how I first tried heroin. He said trust me, and I went right along with him, a lovestruck moron."

Kali felt her ire grow, lip curling in disgust at the tale. That her baby girl had been so easily taken advantage of in the midst of her sexual confusion. But she swallowed any remark. This was about Blake, and she refused to interrupt.

"He gave me weed, but it didn't do it anymore." Blake continued. "All I could think about was the high, how good it felt running through my veins, how good it felt in his arms, the things we talked about...everything seemed so dull after. So I called him again, and we shot up again...I shot up again, he never did. He'd smoke, but the heroin was my vice, he just used it to take control of me, and gradually pulled me away from everything I valued, until he was all that was left.

"Ollie and Lillian were pretty easy, our friendship was on the way out. He said friends were family, and if family pulled away like that, they weren't real family anyway. Sheena too, she barely talked to any of us, but Saffy?" Blake's voice grew thick. "I broke her heart mom. She kept asking to hang out, but I said I didn't want to smoke anymore. I didn't, smoking meant nothing anymore. Adam said she only wanted me because I paid for the pot, and I believed him...she cried once, she knew something was going on. She even got the others to come with her, but I just ignored them until they went away. I heard her sobbing as they led her away. And I felt nothing.

"She wouldn't understand, they wouldn't understand, Adam said so. People wouldn't approve of us...when I told him what happened, he said I should stop bothering. I should come live with him, be his, he could keep my happy, he could keep me safe…" Blake trembled, snuggling closer, clutching the scrapbook tighter, more desperately. Kali tightened her grip, biting her lip to stifle a sob.

"I...he was...I-I didn't realize what he was until he started taking me to gang meetings." Blake struggled. "I think he thought that I'd understand, that I'd support him, that I'd join and stand by his side as some twisted bride as he climbed the ranks, but it scared the shit out of me, seeing all these criminals, with tattoos and scars, who'd look at me like a piece of meat, and then we'd get home and I'd be shaking, and he'd tell me things like I needed to be stronger, he expected better of me...I just wanted to go home, but I couldn't, I was trapped, and scared as I was, I still loved him. He'd given me a new life right? He took care of me, he'd always take care of me, he promised, so I figured I'd take care of him. I'd become better, so I quit, which I think frightened him, because the heroin kept me happy, kept me complacent, kept me bound to him. Without it, he needed something else to keep me in line.

"So he took me to a meeting one night. Someone's girlfriend had cheated on them, with a member of a rival gang...a-and they beat her, with fists, and pipes, and a bat. I could hear her bones breaking...the day he died was the happiest day of my life, and the most terrifying...my life was over, I had nothing left, not even him. I panicked, I didn't know what to do and I almost killed myself. I just wanted to stop existing…" Blake whispered the last few words, her voice lifeless. She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes.

"But the police stopped me, and Glynda found me, and I met Velvet, and things got better." Blake went on. "It was just me and Velvet, with Pyrrha and Glynda, and they were so nice. I felt the happiest I had in years. After meetings Velvet would buy me some tea and we'd just walk and talk about anything. I started feeling normal again, and then Nora came, and Sun, and then Yang, and she'd come with us sometimes. I had a friend group. I was a real person with friends. I thought I was getting better, but the nightmares, just wouldn't, fucking, stop." Blake growled, her free hand clenching into a fist.

"I relapsed." Blake sighed. "I was so sick of feeling terrified at night, I just wanted to go to sleep numb again. I found a dealer and bought as much as I could...it wasn't much, enough for a couple nights maybe...but it didn't matter. I shot up, and it hit me so fucking hard I lost my mind. Here I was, more than a year sober, taking a dose I used to take daily...I don't remember anything after that, just waking up in the hospital with Yang and Velvet at my side."

Blake chuckled breathlessly. "Apparently I'd wandered into Yang's flat. She was in the shower and thought someone had broken in, tore a towel rack off the wall to use as a weapon, charged into the lounge naked. She looked at me, I looked at her, grinned and said, 'are those for me?'" Blake chuckled again, and Kali joined in, teary as she was. "Then I passed out on her couch. She found the heroin in my purse and called an ambulance, then called Velvet, and they spent the night by my side as they flushed my system, then held my hands when I freaked out because I'd just relapsed, nearly overdosed, and spent all my money, and rent was due next week and I was gonna' be fired for being a strung-out junkie."

Blake was laughing, but there was little cheer in her voice. "You know what happened next? Velv asked me to move in with her, and Yang offered to help. They didn't judge me, they didn't lecture me, they just listened and helped, for the first time since Adam, I wasn't alone when I went to sleep that night. I didn't even have a nightmare. Yang stayed the night too. She made us pancakes in the morning. They were the best damn pancakes I've ever had in my life."

"Better than mine?" Kali mock gasped.

"Way better." Blake confirmed. "Sorry mom, Yang was taught by the great Summer Rose Senior, pancake and cookie master." She laughed, genuinely this time.

"Upstaged...by an angel no less." Kali said dramatically. "I'm not sure if this is a dream or a nightmare." The pair dissolved into giggles.

"I cried again that morning...a few times that week actually...Yang asked if I was interested in her." Blake flushed. Kali's jaw dropped. "I said yeah, we went on a date...it went...okay, but everything kept leading back to how sad and fucked up we were. Yang said it wasn't a good idea for us. We needed to be better people before we started playing with each other's hearts." Blake sniffled. "It hurt, a lot, we both cried, but she was right. We would have dragged each other down then...but the kiss was still amazing."

"Oh my God." Kali gasped.

"She never did stop being an insufferable flirt." Blake smiled. "In some ways that hurt, but I think it helped more than anything. Yang never treated me any different. She always loved me, she still does. That's something you'll always be able to count on. Yang's love is eternal, and unconditional...Velvet and I took our time to grow closer. We started sleeping in the same room, to help each other when the nightmares came. And eventually, we just slept in the same bed. It didn't take us long to take things to the next level.

"It's...shocking, how easy it's been, to just...be happy. Sometimes I wonder how things would have been if I said, 'shut up Yang, we both want this, let's try anyway.' But then I remember how everything turned out with Velvet, and I'm grateful. Everything has been perfect. Even our marriage was perfect. Winter and Yang helped set up the proposal, and the wedding...just...perfect. My life has been perfect...but I can never shake this...shadow. It's always there in my periphery, the back of my mind, and today it's just...what if I fuck up?"

"What?" Kali asked.

"Everything, anything, everything and anything." Blake sighed. "What if I-I hurt Velvet, what if I can't help Reese? What if someone from Adam's gang comes after me and I put everyone in danger? What if something just snaps one day and everything comes flooding back and I want to relapse again? Mom, I don't do life well. I've always just gotten by on the backs of others, the police, Glynda, Velvet and Yang. They all saved me from myself. Winter gave me a real career a-and she even paid for my education. I've been handed second chance after third chance and I just don't know if I deserve it. Now I'm adopting a child, whose parents died because of drugs. How will she feel when she finds out about me? What if it happens again? I'll be letting everyone down...I'll be letting you down, again."

"Blake...sweetie." Kali shifted, shuffling down until she could face her daughter properly. It broke her heart to see Blake so helpless, so scared and small. It was a crime that such a beautiful soul had ever been put through such torture, to doubt her own capability to live. She damned Adam to a thousand hells for his crime. "You could never disappoint me." Taking Blake's other hand, she clasped them together, planting a kiss on her knuckles. "The Maidens blessed me with your existence, and I will be forever thankful for that, and I am proud of you, no matter what happens, now matter how hard you fall, every time you get back up. I will remain proud of you. There is no shame in accepting help, that is what family is for.

"When you were gone, I wanted nothing more than to...to just not wake up in the morning. When it would storm I would stand outside and pray, begging the Maidens to strike me down with lightning to bring me back to you…" Kali's voice cracked, her vision blurred, but she still smiled. "Ghira never gave up on me, at my weakest he remained strong, and his strength gave me the will to go on, just as Glynda, and Velvet and Yang did for you. Every day we live as a source of pride Blake, every struggle we survive is a new strength, and you are strong beyond your years. No matter how weak you feel, you have survived that which would destroy a thousand lesser souls...and you returned to me, making me more proud than I could ever have hoped to be. My baby girl, my Kitten, the strongest woman I've ever known."

Blake choked, even as she broke out in a bashful grin, huddling close to bury herself beneath her mother's chin once more. "I love you mom."

"I love you too Kitten." Kali responded. "I promise, you can do this. I'll help you every step of the way. You're gonna' be the best darn mother in the world, and I'm gonna' be the greatest grandma in the world, and I'll never give up on you, you hear me? Never. You're stuck with me, old baby crazy Kali as your father used to call me."

Blake burst into a fit of choked giggles, Kali breaking out herself, letting go of Blake's hands to wrap her arms once more around her daughter. It felt unbelievable, once again, after so much pain and struggle, to simply share joy with her daughter, her own daughter, alive and...as well as can be, in her arms. On this day, she truly felt the Maidens had heard her pleas. Those endless days of bruised knees, burning incense and spilled tears had not been for nought. Blake was here. Blake was safe. Blake was home.