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Yo, pal! Over here.

You trying to get into the game? Step into my office. I know it's a dark alley. Lets just focus on the problem at hand, shall we?

You've been wandering the parking lot like a sad Beagle, trying in vain to scalp cheap tickets—but it's time to face facts. The game is sold out, and unless you've got $400 bucks or a pair of ruby red slippers, you're not getting in. That is, you're not getting in legally.

You've got one option left, bucko, and that's to poltergeist your way past security like some kind of sports-crazed Patrick Swayze.

I’m not going to honey coat it for you—sneaking into a stadium is difficult.

We’re not crashing a Chuck E. Cheese bar mitzvah here, chatch. We’re doing a B-and-E without the B, and our target is a stone fortress swarming with cameras and husky men who live for nothing but the twisted thrill of tackling trespassers. There's a good chance some of us might not make it.

But if you're stout of heart and shameless as a second-term president, follow me. This is how you sneak into a stadium.*

*Obvious but necessary disclaimer: Don't sneak into a stadium. You will get arrested.