Following the announcement of the Psychoactive Substances Bill, in the Queen’s Speech this week, some critics have argued that this will be disastrous for Brain Research in the UK. Here we look at some of the most common and widely used legal highs currently available.

KIP. – Other Names: Nige, Blah Blah.

Effects: Kip, is not named after any soporific effects, but just a little of this produces feelings of insularity and intense paranoia around foreigners, especially immigrants.. Also produces a thirst for draught beer in pints and users can often been spotted in pubs, talking bullshit loudly. for hours.

Active Ingredient: Xenophobeythane

Red Ed

Effects: Very difficult to get hold of nowadays. Induces a whopping 5 year trip, with lots of soppy grinning and a tendency to forget the most important points when talking. Towards the end of the high, expect to experience feelings of being popular, power and love, and of being loved, before a massive, sudden come down. Has side effect of craving for bacon.

Active Ingredient: Brotherific Acid

Merry Mac

Effects: Has flooded the market of late and is very popular amongst users could who couldn’t tolerate Red Ed. Users talk of feelings of euphoria and increased sociability and hope. Initially only available north of the border. but now widely available in London. Some users report a side effect of a compulsion to clap, communally.

Active Ingredient: Socialistementhol Cameron-Headbuttylene

Chuk. – Other Names: Bottle Drop



Effects: Users report an immediate initial rush of euphoria, decisiveness and confidence, shortly followed by a sudden period of insecurity and withdrawal. Side Effect: Cold feet.

Active Ingredient: Leadershiptamol Stepdownalate

TG. – Other names, Top Gear, Jezza



Effects: Causes severe cockiness and irritability which can occasionally tip over into actual physical violence. Apparently safe to drive on though.

Active Ingredient: Knobheadimab Sackedulose

Big G: – Other Names: Cat

Mild hallucinogenic that makes the user experience delusions of being a house cat. Often taken with a ‘babysitter’ who will stay with them through the trip and treat them like a feline.

Fifa Blast. – Other Names: Feefs

Effects: This is a bitter little pill to swallow. Severely affects rational thinking and the user’s vision, resulting in them going blind in one eye, which the user will then turn, when making any decisions.

Active Ingredient: Blatterbarbitol

Shyte



Effect: Produces feelings of severe vulnerability and shyness regarding one’s political beliefs and extreme awkwardness in situations when put on the spot. Tendency to lie when answering questionnaires or surveys.

Active Ingredient: Selfishishalite Twatulose

ZHC (Zero Hours Contract) – Other Names: Zero

Effects: Whilst a few users tolerate this well, many users report instances of unpredictable behaviour, being very active one minute and totally inactive the next, Long term effects are confusion, loss of self esteem and feelings of general insecurity.

Active ingredient: Flexibilitone Tenterhookinate

Vanish – Other Names: Dem, Lib

Effects: Not as popular as it once was, but still available on the market if you search around a bit. Induces feelings of being ignored, and eventually you will actually become invisible altogether.

Active ingredient: Coalitionemol Mistakeanate

I.D.S. ATTACK – Other Names: Killer, Bastard, Starver

Effects: A very strong and dangerous substance that really puts the psycho into psychoactive. After firstly losing most of your hair, you will then indeed, become a complete and utter psycho, with no empathy for anyone. You will bray loudly and kick anyone that looks helpless or powerless. Avoid at all costs.

Active Ingredient: Visciousorb Cuntylopramide

So there are just some of the many of the, still legal but potentially dangerous substances available freely on the internet. Please be careful.