Rufus, a 4 year-old Golden Retriever, was chasing a Penn 1 tennis ball when he was struck with an epiphany. “The construct to which I have acclimated to and even tied my self esteem into is nothing more than a repetitive task that has as much impact on humanity as a sandcastle at high tide,” Rufus said while licking his butt.





“I wish I could back to a simpler time,” the 4 year-old said, “back eighteen months ago when I was a teenager. Back before my delusions of grandeur were shattered by the realization that no matter how much or how fast I performed my menial chore, I would never achieve the heights of recognition my efforts warranted." Rufus then spent the next five minutes angrily chasing his tail around in a circle.



Further confounding the his sense of accomplishment was that around others Mark, his owner, would take credit for his success. Added Rufus, “What a douche.” Continued the dog, "How many times must I achieve my goal only to have it ripped from my clutches?" This game, as it were, parallels life in both form and function." Rufus said before throwing up and then eating it. Further confounding the his sense of accomplishment was that around others Mark, his owner, would take credit for his success. Added Rufus, “What a douche.”



The recent awareness is believed to be the result of Rufus getting taken off of anti-depressants. “It’s like the veil of control you perceived as having gets lifted to reveal that you’re nothing more than a dandelion spore in an upwind, drifting with neither direction nor purpose,” Rufus said while eating a piece of shit. “Stop it, stupid,” added Mark, before yanking him away from the feces.