Throughout his Hollywood career Sylvester Stallone has given us truly iconic performances. Despite his nearly $2 billion in lifetime box office gross attempts to turn his likeness into action figure gold like his contemporary Arnold Schwarzenegger has most fallen flat. Because I hate myself (and most of my readership) I’ve scoured the dark corners of the Interwebz to bring your the most authoritative ranking of plastic Stalloneness.

5) Demolition Man (Mattel, 1993) — Sylvester Stallone’s future cop flick got a tie-in action figure line consisting of 8 figures and 2 vehicles that were mostly repaints/retools from Mattel’s The New Adventures of He-Man line from 1990.

As someone who stalks toy shows and the depths of eBay quite regularly I can honestly say that no one has truly thought about these action figures since the days of KB Toys. The general awfulness of this line has made it oddly collectible and economically feasible to own. Sadly enough this may have been the closest we may have ever gotten to an honest to God Denis Leary action figure if there had been another wave produced.

4) Over The Top (LEWCO, 1987) — The greatest movie ever made featuring competitive arm wrestling received a full treatment of action figures as well as role playing gear. This line had a total of six figures all of which aside from Stallone’s Lincoln Hawk had characters like John Grizzly, Johnny “Ice Man” Walker and my personal favorite Cleve “Armbender” Dean. The action figures even had an honest to goodness arm wrestling play feature which required the purchase of the official arm wrestling table (figures sold separately).

3) Rambo and the Freedom Force (Coleco, 1985-86) — This kid friendly adaptation of Rambo was supported by a cartoon that turned the PTSD suffering Vietnam veteran into the leader of GI JOE-like team battling the evil forces of S.A.V.A.G.E. The cartoon barely lasted a year but COLECO was able to put out two full series of action figures and vehicles before the end of 1986. Despite the preposterous storyline, COLECO did a hell of a job on this line.

What is most notable about this line is that is gave us what may be consider to be the definitive “movie style” Rambo action figure until NECA’s turn with the property in 2014.

2) Rocky (Pheonix Toys, 1983) — While many argue that Rocky IV may be the peak of the Balboa saga, I’ll always partial to Rocky III if only for Clubber Lang. This line featured a total of three figures Rocky Balboa, Apollo Creed and Clubber Lang all with surprisingly decent likenesses.

1) Rambo/Rambo First Blood: Part II (NECA, 2014) — Over the last few years NECA has built a reputation of landing huge licenses and putting out tremendous action figures in terms of paint, sculpts and attention to detail. It should come as no surprise that their turn with Rambo comes out on top of this list.

NECA turned out several versions of John Rambo with my favorite probably the Frist Blood: Part II edition. They even went so far as to produce a variant based on the 1988 NES video game, with paint applications meant to mimic the cell-shading graphics.

So there you have it … the definitive ranking of Sylvester Stallone themed action figures. Did I miss something? Am I totally off base? Sound off in the comments or find me on Twitter.