CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—According to a study published Thursday by researchers at the University of Virginia, the majority of American mothers would be willing to drop off their small children at a warehouse with the words “Fun Zone” spray-painted on its side, no questions asked, in exchange for just one uninterrupted hour all to themselves. “Our extensive survey concluded that as long as the place has a couple of gym mats on the floor and one adult employee present, most mothers wouldn’t hesitate to leave their kids at an old industrial building they found by following a series of cardboard signs staked along the roadside that are marked with the words ‘This way to fun’ and crudely drawn directional arrows,” said researcher Christopher Anesko, noting that the study’s results hold true even in cases where a stick-figure giraffe or a clown has been hastily scrawled in black permanent marker next to the business’s name. “In addition, we found a full 30 percent of moms still wouldn’t think twice about it even if the building were windowless and identified only by a slightly deflated balloon tied to the door.” Anesko added that nearly all parents surveyed said they would gladly write their children’s names on a scrap of paper labeled “Adventure Camp Sign-Up” if it meant their kids would be somewhere else until 4 p.m. and would come home tired.

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