Then one night I had an experience that shattered whatever skepticism I had left. I took one hit, and before I even finished exhaling, the room vibrated away, and this thing swooped down and snatched me up. I came to in this place with a very angry looking female entity with big eyes and an owl-like face positioned in front of me, almost as if she was sitting on my chest.

All around her in a half-circle were other female entities cuddled together. I could only make out various body parts - a leg here, an arm there, etc. I could tell that she was trying to appear intimidating at first, but it wasn't really working because I honestly couldn't get over how beautiful she was. Her skin was gilded with what looked like impossibly finely-tooled metal, and her overall appearance was absolutely stunning.

Then she started to speak very aggressively towards me, but I think once she saw how I reacted to that, her voice and appearance calmed down a bit, and she became even more beautiful. Next her and her friends proceeded to bitch me out for what felt like 20 minutes. It was almost like being broken up with by an angry girlfriend, and having all her friends there as hype men.

I struggled to make sense of the entities’ admonishments

One of the most frustrating things about DMT is that your brain won't let you retain the entirety of the experience, and somewhat distorts the parts that you do remember. I can only remember a few phrases. What I do remember is as follows:

"Hey, we want you to stop!"

"Do you want this? How about this?" (Proceeds to hold up various images, almost like tarot cards.)

"We already gave you the message." (Did they mean the tarot reading or was "We love you and want nothing but the best for you" the message?)

"And stop asking us to help you" (I had been muttering "help me" during various trips. I meant it as "help me understand what the fuck all this means," not "be my minions" type thing, but they may have taken that the wrong way.)

That's about it. I woke up drooling on my couch with tears in my eyes. I have no idea how long I was out for, but it felt like a really long time. My girlfriend came home and discovered me shaking and chain smoking in the front yard. I couldn't sleep for weeks because my brain wouldn't stop trying to replay the experience and extract something more substantial out of it. The whole ordeal was pretty much driving me crazy.

My trips (and life) started taking a turn for the worst

I had to stop smoking DMT for awhile after that, because my experiences started to become darker and darker. No more love and light, just a sense of dread and grotesque, demonic imagery. Lots of strange, menacing symbols and faces coming out of the walls at me.

After a few months, my girlfriend got the opportunity to go to med school in another country, so I encouraged her to go. While I loved her very much, I wouldn't say I was ‘in love’ with her, and I wasn't about to have her pass up an opportunity like that to stay with me. We agreed to stay together, and I would finish out her lease for her while she was gone.

I fully intended on seeing the relationship through to its natural end, but things went seriously sideways as soon as she left. First, I totalled my car, which also happened to be my source of income since I was driving for Uber. Once I got home from the accident, I angrily smoked a fat bowl of DMT because I wanted to yell at the gods for my misfortune or something, but immediately broke down sobbing.

I felt a presence around me, and when I looked up there was a female entity in the room who waved something over me and then departed. I just laid there in a foetal position bawling my eyes out, which is crazy because before all this DMT business, I hadn't shed a single tear since childhood.

Some backstory on the relationship situation

Less than a week later, I got a call from this girl I'd met a few years prior when I was visiting [redacted] with Luna and her friend Donna for Christmas. A little background: Donna and I became friends in 2014 after meeting at a Black Angels show. We started hanging out a lot, and everyone kind of assumed that we'd end up dating, but nothing ever really came of it. Then I met her "best friend" Luna, and we immediately got involved, which pissed Donna off.

We all planned to meet up in [redacted] for Christmas, but after driving halfway across the country, Luna tells me she has to spend time with her family. I ended up hanging out with Donna and her family for a bit before she introduced me to her other "best friend," Alice. Then Donna decided to ditch all of us to hang out with the crew from some TV show she was on, so Alice scooped me up and took me to her family's house.

We had an immediate connection, and within days were looking for apartments together. We didn't do anything that week but talking. She told me she was in love with some guy in [redacted], and had to go back to [redacted] to end things with her current boyfriend, so I didn't dare entertain or express any feelings I might have had for her.

Alice went back to her home State, and I drove Luna to her home State, as per the original plan. The plan was for me and Alice to reconvene in [redacted] a few weeks later, and move in together "as friends," but she ghosted on me because she couldn't handle me being with Luna. I ended up crashing my car (happens a lot) and being stuck in the middle of nowhere with Luna for 5 months. At this point, me and Luna became very close and became an official couple.

Back to the main story

Alice was in [redacted], and invited me to hang out with her and [redacted], so I picked her up at her family's house. We went to a bar and hung out with this chick and her crew for awhile before eventually going back to my place because redacted wanted to smoke DMT. She took one tiny puff because she really just wanted to be able to say she'd tried it (which kind of annoyed me), and decided we should all go to a different bar. We went with her to another bar where Alice and I got really drunk before taking an Uber back to my place and sleeping together.

I hadn’t intended on cheating on my girlfriend, but if there was ever a girl made in a lab by The Dark Lord himself with the express purpose of luring me into complete and utter destruction, Alice would be it. She was a 6 foot tall red-headed actress and print model who played guitar, sang like an angel, and claimed to be madly in love with me.

A few nights later, I invited Alice and my ex-girlfriend Jasmin to a party at my neighbor's house. Everything was going great, but Alice eventually got blackout drunk on absinthe and lost her shit. It got so bad that I had to throw her in the apartment pool in an attempt to sober her up. She somehow convinced me to get in the pool with her, at which point she walked up to me, put her arms on my shoulders, and with the same dilated pupils and spooky expression that Missy had when she was "possessed" said, "You know I'm going to destroy you, right?"

The next year and a half was a nightmare

Well, she did just that. I moved Alice in and broke it off with my girlfriend, and the next year and a half were a nightmare. Alice proceeded to get blackout drunk every day, physically assault me repeatedly, run off in my car almost every day, lie to me constantly, spend all my money, rip up all my clothes, trash my apartment, blow up my new car's engine, smash out my windshield, almost get me arrested multiple times, and get me evicted from two apartments... and that's just some of the highlights. She even faked a pregnancy when I finally escaped (literally had to run away and sleep in the woods until my friend could rescue me the next day).

She basically ran me out of [redacted] and sent me back to [redacted] with nothing. Even after all of this, I still flew back to [redacted] on her birthday to rescue her and bring her back to [redacted] with me under the pretence of her newfound sobriety, but she got a DWI on the way to the airport. I spent the night wandering around [redacted] with my luggage until I could find a motel that would let me in.

While I was in the motel waiting to find out what happened to Alice, I did a bunch of ketamine, and I don't know what came over me, but something told me to look at my Google search history. It turned out that Alice was signed into my Google account on her phone, and she was frantically searching for how to completely wipe her iPhone to hide all the sketchy shit she did while I was back in [redacted], just minutes before she got pulled over. Once I saw this, an audible voice in my head said something to the effect of, "It's all true. All your suspicions are true."

My friends and exes lives went to pot

As soon as I left for [redacted] a few years ago, Missy started smoking meth and moved in a bunch of shit heads. I spent two years remodelling her house and getting her sober, only for her to become a tweaker and turn the house I built into a tweaker pad. I moved back in with her when I got back to [redacted] because she wanted me to kick out all the tweakers who took over her house while I was gone, but she wouldn't let me evict them because she wanted all her drug connects under one roof.

They stole from the place and everyone who had anything to do with it, plus beat up a friend in an attempt to get him to call his friends over so they could rob them. Missy blew through her second $250k inheritance on absolutely nothing, and spends her entire life sitting in her room smoking meth and sending out novels of toxic and incomprehensible texts to everyone. She weighs 80lbs and lives off nothing but Ensures and meth.

Alice has been in an out of the mental hospital since I broke up with her, and she won't leave me or my family alone. She claims that she doesn't remember any of the horrible stuff she did to me when drunk, and that it couldn't have been her. She also says that she constantly hears voices telling her that I hate her and she should kill herself.

Donna got pissed off when she heard about me and Alice being together, so she spilled the beans to Luna before I could, which pretty much ruined any chance of us having an amicable breakup. I got some revenge and needless to say, we're not friends. Even Jasmin, who's been my best friend for over a decade, won't talk to me.

My own life hasn’t recovered either

I've somehow managed to piss off, be pissed off by, or simply lose touch with all my friends over the course of a few years. Everything that I cared about and worked hard for has turned to ash. To make matters worse, I tore my meniscus, so I haven't been able to really work or walk right in 5 months. It took me 3 months just to get approval for the surgery to fix it. My leg is almost healed, but the clutch went out on my car recently, so I'm still trapped.

I feel like I'm playing a game that I don't know the rules to, and I'm in over my head. I don't know what's real anymore, or who my allies are, or if I even have any. Despite all the trouble I'm having, I feel as though the occult and shamanism are things I'm meant to pursue. The last time I smoked DMT was a couple months ago. My friend wanted to try it, so I loaded him a bowl, and he reported seeing a bunch of tentacled creatures who got comically agitated every time he asked a question.

I found this to be pretty amusing, and I was a little drunk, so I smoked a little. The mood was really menacing, which for some reason just pissed me off, so I downed a glass of whiskey, took a blanket with me into the backyard where I could be alone, and smoked a large bowl. Immediately these black and purple tentacles sprang from the ground, and shoved me onto my back. Then these entities came out and started showing me a video of two people fucking (there was a lot more going on, but that's what my attention was directed towards).

I don't know what that was all about but they eventually let me up and surrounded me in a visible circle of energy. I sat there for some time crying and apologizing for being an arrogant, selfish dickhead, and for all the pain I've caused others, especially Luna. I then asked what I could do to rectify the situation, but they just departed.

I’m still trying to make things right with others

I've done everything I can to make things right with Luna and all the people I hurt, neglected, and took advantage of in order to maintain my relationship with Alice. Regardless, things continue to get worse every day for me and everyone I care about. I really don't know what else to do at this point besides go to Peru to do ayahuasca with a shaman, and sort things out for good.

I've mostly stayed away from DMT for the better part of a year, but I have continued doing ketamine on a somewhat regular basis. Ever since all this DMT business, ketamine has been a completely different drug for me. I keep having these fantastical out-of-body experiences and full on conversations with entities, but the experience is even more state-bounded than DMT, so I really don't bring much back with me. It's like when I'm there, all these memories from previous experiences come flooding back, including DMT experiences, but as soon as I sober up, it's all gone.

I do distinctly remember being told "Relax. We bailed you out." I'm not exactly sure what that means. Alice got pregnant early on in the relationship but she had a miscarriage. Also, the last two times she tried to drive to where I was, she got arrested. Who knows? Maybe someone's looking out for me after all.





