I bomb atomically, Socrates’ philosophies and hypotheses can’t define how I be dropping these mockeries.

Happy Tuesday, friends, and welcome to my fourth annual Rational Actor Mock Draft. This has tended to be the only bit of mockery that we do at IAOFM each year, and there’s a simple reason for that – any douchebag with a keyboard and Kiper-style hair cream can do a mock draft, and most of them do. Then they each do 64 versions of it throughout the spring. NFL mockeries comprise about 13% of the internet this time of the year.

Well, this is different. In this exercise, I play the GM of each team, and do things that are rational for the situation each team faces. Basically, Mel Kiper started jocking my style with this last year, and he did it again this year. His is only three rounds, though, and mine is four.

I’m not projecting what teams will do; I’m saying what I think they should do. Every team gets an A, and conventional wisdom gets left in the dust.

Are you ready? Yeah, you’re ready.

Here’s the plan. I created a draft board by position, and then drafted it up, and commented on each pick, like I traditionally do on Days 1 and 2 of the draft, and like I’ll do in real time on Thursday and Friday. I made trades where appropriate, and advantageous for both sides. I figured out who won each pick-for-pick trade, based on the traditional draft value chart and the Chase Stuart value chart, and found that they don’t agree in any case. Then, finally, I compiled up the picks by team, and wrote a paragraph for each. (Okay, on that score, I’m jocking Kiper’s style a little bit – I admit it.)

This page is the home for the exercise, and you can move throughout the whole pile of content with the links below. Ready…. BEGIN!!!

Round 1

Round 2

Round 3

Round 4

Position Board and Trades

Team-by-Team AFC

Team-by-Team NFC