by

Conservative MPs who voted for £30 a week cuts in benefits for disabled people have asked today for people to stop naming them on social media so they can continue to claim huge expenses and lie about giving a shit.

London Mayoral candidate Zac Goldsmith angrily hit back that there were any conflicts of interest in his patronage of a disability charity. “What’s £30 anyway? I claim that for my pre-dinner drinks on a week-night. But putting it on twitter makes it look like a lot. It’s completely unfair and unrepresentative. People need to stop noticing these things.”

Indeed the sentiment has been echoed throughout the country amongst MPs made to feel mean by people noticing that they voted to effectively withdraw support from some of the most vulnerable people in society.

Nick Boles MP who claimed over £140,000 in expenses last year said that he was shocked, outraged and appalled that his name had been plastered over Facebook.

“Facebook should be ashamed of themselves. What about that tax deal we did for them? I’m off to voice my indignation to other like minded people over an evening of publicly funded champagne and canapés.”

Portsmouth South MP, Flick Drummond, said “I care deeply. When I was out having dinner in a Michelin starred restaurant recently, on parliamentary business and subsequently claiming the whole thing on expenses, I considered the plight of disabled people and one solitary tear rolled down my cheek, at least metaphorically. I had to ask the waiter to wipe it from my cheek with a gold embossed napkin. Then I came up with a snide comment about them probably causing the 2007 credit crunch through their laziness, threw my head back and laughed like a horse. But that’s no reason to put my picture on Facebook along with facts about my voting habits.”