As a clinical sexologist individuals seek my help with various sexual issues, one being loss of erection.

A man losing his ability to keep an erection during intercourse is one issue that most men will experience at some point in their life.

The majority of men, before seeking my help, will have already tried the pharmaceutical approach which for many ends up not resolving their erection problems.

One reason in particular is that pharmaceutical drugs such as Viagra do not help with the psychological aspect of performance anxiety. The problem itself is usually brought on by the ridiculous ideal or standards on men to preform sexually at all times. Men are expected in our society to always be interested in and ready for sex. This is one myth that leads to anxiety surrounding sex, the pressure to perform can cause erectile dysfunction that a pill will not resolve.

Sexual intercourse, the act of penetration, being the main focus of the the sexual experience is another myth that can cause problems when a man does have trouble maintaining an erection. Men are better advised to enjoy and focus on being in the moment of the sexual experience rather than the end result. Massage, oral sex, using fingers and or sex toys can divert the pressure to perform and allow the erection to come back naturally.

Erection issues, sexual dysfunction can be age related.

As a man ages the blood flow being pumped to the penis is not as fast as when he is in his youth… Many men around the age of fifty start questioning whether their penis is “working the same and/ or why it takes longer to rise.” The reason is because the blood flow to the penis and the muscles that push the ejaculatory fluid out that result in the speed and explosive nature of the fluid decreases and slows with age.

Keeping these muscles in shape is one way to combat this. Beginning or maintaining an overall cardio vascular health plan including regular kegel exercises combined with a healthy diet, low in sodium, will help increase blood flow to the penis naturally, eliminating the need for pills.

When he says ”no to sex…

Most women blame themselves when their partner loses interest in sex.They feel that that their man doesn’t fancy them anymore. But the real culprit is someone, or something else altogether…

The number of times he says ‘no’ only leads you to think that there’s something wrong with your lovemaking technique. Or that he’s found someone else. But that is often not the case. Usually, there is something going on ‘upstairs’ that’s freezing activities ‘downstairs’. Your job is to find out what that something is, and work together to sort it out. If your man denies you sex, it is not uncommon to be left worrying about whether he is having an affair or wants to end the relationship. The truth is that although you may experience these feelings and thoughts, it’s unlikely that his loss of desire, or ability to maintain an erection, is caused by a loss of interest in you, your looks or your relationship.

Most men suffer from other sexual problems when they are stressed out, tired or under pressure to perform in some way. In fact, the problem is more likely to originate from a demanding boss or a heavy workload, than from you…

Tiredness and overindulgence If your partner has been working hard and trying to meet deadlines, the tiredness and worry can cause problems in focusing on lovemaking. Other causes of temporary erection loss can be overindulgence in alcohol, or a heavy meal. When this happens, stimulation during love play will not cause or sustain the act. At this stage, it is crucial to comfort him and avoid making accusations about his loss of interest in you, or imply an affair. This will only increase the pressure on him and make things worse. Sometimes, just resting for sometime will solve the problem.

Discussing feelings

It is also important to explain your feelings about what has happened and to ask for his help in coping with the emotions you may be experiencing. Explain that you are worried – it may be connected to your relationship and how he feels about you, and encourage him to open up about what’s going on with him too. Start by saying something like ‘I know this probably sounds silly but…’ continuing with your own concerns about his loss of desire. Encourage him to do the same with you, as he is just as likely to be as concerned as you are, if not more so. In this way, you can act as a team and solve the problem together, rather than both avoiding the issue through fear of probably losing each other.

Is he unwell?

Loss of interest in sex could be an indicator of illnesses such as diabetes or heart disease. Avoid panicking your partner by telling him he may have a serious illness. Instead, suggest he has a general check-up to make sure that all is well. If the doctor suggests he needs more tests or needs treatment for an illness, it is better to act fast, as many health problems left untreated can be harder to remedy at a later stage.

Money worries

If you are experiencing problems in your relationship – frequent arguments, problems with children, money worries or other sexual difficulties, bring them out in the open and have a frank discussion. Emotional problems can lead to difficulties in sexual performance because trust or an intimate sense of connection to a partner is compromised. After all, it is hard to feel turned on if, for example, your debt level is worryingly high, or if your child’s grades are a cause for concern. Taking action to resolve these issues can prevent erection difficulties where there is no physical cause. Talking to a debt adviser or a couples’ counsellor could help you both make sense of the pressures you are under in order to tackle the problem. Once you take the first step to deal with these issues, the chances are that the erection problem will fade away.

Your self-esteem

Lastly, if you are worried about whether your partner still finds you attractive, try improving your own sense of self-esteem, rather than blaming him. Eat healthily, exercise regularly, do things that you enjoy, and make time to relax. If you feel good about yourself, your intimate life will also feel positive. And you can handle the rest of the problems, be it coping with your partner’s sexual inefficiency, illness or stress. Or maybe, you won’t have a problem at all.

For more information on sexual health related issues with erectile dysfunction visit www.edtreatmentindia.com

Sacred Secrets

HOW TO be a great lover? Being a great lover is not something that happens on occasion; it’s a way of being. And if you want to be the man that your woman desires and fantasises about all day, every day, then it’s time for you to get a handle on what it is she wants from you. Sure being great in bed is one aspect that will keep her excited, but there are a few other factors that will help you become the master in all your sexual endeavours. Make her feel sexy, take care of yourself, listen to her, compliment her and maintain constant desire.

More than 350,000 people from 41 countries took part in the world’s largest ever survey of sexual attitudes and behaviour and this is what people had to say about the sexiest features. A toned body (14%) — with the bottom (15%) and breasts and chest (14%) in particular — are the sexiest features. Men focus most on the breasts while women think eyes are the most sexy feature.

One in 10 believe attitude is the sexiest factor while age, wealth and hair colour (all just 1%) are the least important things. Indians home in on the chest area. The research confirmed France is now officially the sexiest state with the French having sex 137 times a year — well above the global average of 103 — with Greece and Hungary coming a close second and third. Europeans also win hands down in turning their partners on. Topping the table are the British, who spend 22.5 minutes on foreplay, followed by the Germans.In many countries, foreplay is increasingly likely to include such sexual enhancers as pornography, vibrators, pleasure enhancing condoms and lubricants.

The survey also reveals the average global age for first sex is now 17.7 and the trend is towards losing virginity earlier with today’s 16-20 year olds becoming sexually active by 16.5. And while more than three in 10 believe the state should invest in sex education, a similar percentage acknowledge they have had unprotected sex without knowing their partner’s sexual history.

Finally, on a lighter note, Hollywood stars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie top the sexiest celebrity charts taking over from last year’s winners — English footballer David Beckham and American actress Jennifer Lopez.

Did you know?

Most men’s erections are five and a half to six inches long. Although men’s ‘organ’ size tends to vary greatly when they’re soft, the smaller ones expand more when erect than the larger ones. So, don’t go by the locker-room size, the bedroom is what matters.