Venerable cash-only Montrose burger destination serves up a week’s supply of delicious cholesterol with each meal, but also has an exceptional veggie burger.

88 Dennis St, Houston, TX 77006

(713) 522-9555

7:00am–3:00pm Mon–Sat (closed Sunday)

Cash Only

Okay, this place is a little more “Guy Fieri” than our usual lunch stops. There’s even a signed poster of the man near the door, and the waitstaff wears t-shirts proudly proclaiming “As Seen on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives.” All the same, the artery-clogging siren song of a burger smothered in mac and cheese, bacon, and a fried egg couldn’t help but draw our hungry inner Pleistocene ancestors to this place. Lankford Grocery, first opened in 1939 and serving burgers since the 1970s, occupies the former garage of a Montrose residential structure and was thoroughly decked-out in Halloween decorations and packed with hungry customers when we arrived on a rainy fall day to sample the fabled Grim Burger for ourselves.

Grim Burger ($9.99): This is a half-pound burger patty, smothered in macaroni and cheese, bacon, a sunny-side-up egg, pickled jalapeños, and grated cheese. Ours arrived with the yolk already broken and running all over the place (an inevitability in any case, but still one likes the opportunity to burst one’s own yolk). This burger manages to be as good as it sounds, thanks to the excellent execution of each element: the burger is cooked to a perfect, juicy medium, the bacon is crisp, the mac and cheese is extra-creamy, the bun is fresh and soft, the runny yolk infiltrates everything, and the pickled jalapeños provide a welcome sharp contrast to the richness. Somehow the cook also manages to construct the thing so it is possible to pick up with two hands and eat without falling apart. The whole thing radiates quality and is, in fact, amazing. We give it an A+ despite the broken yolk.

Veggie Burger ($8.59): Yes, we decided to try the veggie burger, and it turned out to be a darn good one, too. The black bean patty is seasoned with cumin, giving it a “Tex-Mex” flavor. The standard toppings are sautéed mushrooms, avocado, Monterrey jack, lettuce, tomato, onion, and pickles. Like the Grim Burger, execution was on point. While the veggie burger does not pack the sensational, literally heart-stopping punch of its cholesterol-laden cousin, it is delicious in its own right and does not feel like some kind of sad compromise burger at all. Kudos to Lankford for providing an excellent vegetarian option here.

Sides: We tried side orders of onion rings and sweet potato fries ($3 each). It might sound redundant at this point, but both were shining specimens of their type: The hefty onion rings were coated in big, crunchy bread crumbs, and the fries maintained the crispy exterior often absent in the sweet potato variety. Someone here knows their way around a Fryolator, and you can be the beneficiary of this hard-won knowledge.

If you feel a need to store fat for the winter ahead, it’s hard to imagine a better place to do it than Lankford Grocery. While dining, we noticed that many customers were ordering the lunch special beef enchilada plate, and it did look delicious. Next time, we’ll scope out the special of the day before ordering. Lankford’s also offers assorted desserts and milkshakes, probably delicious, but we could not eat another bite after the burgers, onion rings, and fries. Breakfast is offered in the AM.