Chilean publication La Cuarta claims to know the reason for Alexis Sanchez's so-so showing against Man United: too much sex. It's unclear what evidence this is based on, but La Cuarta boldly claims: "after extensive training with Arsenal and the national team, when he comes home , delicious Laia Grassi asks for a share of love". This, the paper says, is why he is currently "a tortoise". Okay then. Here is Laia in her Arsenal shirt. She had trials for Wenger's team but was rated "too brutish to be an Arsenal midfielder."