So you've failed.

Boldly. Grandly. Spectacularly. Before all the world. At least that's how it feels. All you want to do is pull your hoodie over your face, slink back into your country of origin and hide from the exorcism that follows sporting disappointment.

But you can't. When you get home, you have to front up. You have to face the media, your sponsors, your supporters, your critics. You have to steel yourself for the discussions, the reviews, the funding cuts, the potential end to your career. All because you failed to deliver.

DYLAN MARTINEZ French gymnast Samir Ait Said ended his Olympic campaign in agony, with a broken leg.

Post Olympics or any major sporting event, sports psychologists worry most about the Biggest Losers. Not just those who have lost, crashed out, made mistakes or fallen short of their best, but also those for whom injury, illness or just plain bad luck, derailed their dreams.

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We understand the fickle business of sport. We know that disappointed and distressed athletes are those who need us the most.

SWIMMING AUSTRALIA Australian swimmer Cate Campbell is comforted by Sweden's Sarah Sjostrom and Denmark's Jeanette Ottesen after her shock 100m loss.

We know that Golden Ones Michael Phelps and Katie Ledecky won't be calling us next week. But we're not so sure about French gymnast Samir Ait Said with his shocking broken leg or Dutch cyclist Annemiek van Vleuten who crashed horrifically out of the women's road race.

And we can only imagine the distress of the men's Black Sticks who conceded two goals in 40 seconds to lose to their quarterfinal to Germany, or New Zealand equestrian Jock Paget who didn't even get in the saddle after his horse got injured on a pipe.

Sports psychologists talk up process and structure. We are very boring in our repetition of these things. We teach athletes to use the framework, to follow routines, to stick to what they have to do. We do a very good job of that.

ANNEMIEK VAN VLEUTEN/TWITTER Dutch cyclist Annemiek van Vleuten crashed when leading the women's road race.

But we have no such process for failure. We don't have the perfect words for an athlete or coach when the worst thing that could happen actually does.

Failure is supposed to be character building. It's cool in self-help circles. There are whole books on the benefits of failure. How to rise from it. How to get strong from it. How to cherish it. (Cherish seems a bridge too far, to be honest.)

The truth is that failure really, really hurts. And, left unchecked, it can lead to depression and other serious mental health difficulties.

GETTY IMAGES New Zealand equestrian Jock Paget never even started his Olympic campaign, thanks to an injury in Rio to his horse.

And it's not just sport. It's life too. Like getting fired (or let go) from your job. Or ending your marriage. Or going broke. Or messing up a valued friendship.

We're supposed to treat failure like grief. We're encouraged to slap Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's famous Five Stages of Grief model over our psychological wounds to make sense of them. But loss in life is quite different than in death.

When someone dies, people know how to act properly.

They don't bombard the deceased with accusatory questions. Why didn't you take those medications? Why didn't you wear a seatbelt? Why didn't you eat healthier? Why didn't you call the doctor sooner?

They follow culturally appropriate rituals. They buy cards and flowers and put on Going Out clothes and turn up at funerals. They bring muffins. They say nice things. They support families. They LET IT BE.

But when someone fails or loses at sport, or in their marriage, or at work, people go all weird. They don't know what to say. Or they say unhelpful things. Sometimes they use social media to make a point. They avoid you. Maybe they slash your funding. They get mean. And that can hurt almost as much as the distress itself.

So here's an unofficial Process for Coping with Failure in sport or in life; in other words some evidence based tips from the world of psychology:

* Acknowledge negative emotions. They're normal. Naming them is helpful.

* Be angry or sad but put limits on it. You've crossed the line if your distress is hurting people you care about.

* Distract yourself. Do other pleasurable things, even if they don't feel pleasurable for a while.

* Talk through your difficulties. See a professional if necessary. Processing thoughts and feelings helps you make sense of it and gain some perspective.

* Don't make big decisions. Allow the dust to settle and the fog to clear before you commit to anything.

* See the Big Picture. It's a cliche but there's more to life than sport. It's not easy when you're distressed, but this failure or loss won't define your life — unless you allow it to.

For those in the supporter's seat, take a breath before you let loose on social media or fire out the hard questions. Show a little kindness. It's a safe bet, their struggle is greater than yours.

It's not about you; within days you'll have forgotten Rio. A disappointed athlete's pain has only just begun.

Karen Nimmo is a clinical psychologist who works with elite athletes. Her interest in helping sports stars cope was forged during her stint as a sports reporter.

* This column originally appeared here: https://medium.com/@karennimmo

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