I’m going to make this awkward for both of us: A few weeks ago, my nipples started to ache. They told me it would hurt, but that didn’t prepare me for the constant dull throbbing and occasional burning sensation I feel when my shirt rubs across my chest the wrong way.

I’m going to sound like a masochist, but every little pain is followed by a slight smile. “I’m actually doing it,” I think. “This is actually happening.”

As a trans woman on hormone replacement therapy (HRT), I’m starting to grow breasts. Despite the pain it causes, it is exciting. I’m going to have boobs! All the changes HRT is having on my body are confirming my identity in ways I never thought possible. I’m starting to feel comfortable in my body in ways I’ve only prayed for and dreamed about.

My excitement often bleeds into confusion. Shortly after coming out as a woman and before I had started HRT, I was sunbathing topless in my yard when a roommate asked, “Since you’re a girl now, does that mean I’m not allowed to look at you shirtless anymore?” Though he said it jokingly, that thought stuck with me. The next day I went swimming and left a top on, because as a woman I feel ashamed when my nipples are showing, regardless whether the world sees them as a problem.

When people start to consistently see me as a woman, my privilege to be comfortably topless in public will be gone for good.

We can challenge that.