Rock Bottom is a term people use when they have nothing left. They've lost everything and now they need to claw their way back.

Everybody's Rock Bottom is different. There are people who

spiral into drugs and are literally inches from death and that's their rock

bottom and make their way out. There are other people who seem to have it all and just end up losing everything that they have and end up begging for change on the side of the road. Then there are those middle-of-the-road people who didn't necessarily lose it to drugs or gambling or foolish decisions more so just happenstance.

I won't say that I didn't cause my arrival here at the bottom, but I will say that it was a slow spiral, so slow I didn't notice til I got here.

Before the spiral started I work a 9 to 5 corporate job for an International Bank. While the money was good my soul wasn't in it. And it killed me to have to walk into that office every day and smile at the people who would easily backstab me to get ahead in their careers. Some of whom even went as far as to create lies and present them to my manager while I was on vacation no less. So that when I return I would left defending my work which really had no reason to be brought up to begin with. And it's not for everyone dog-eat-dog isn't the only way of life. But it is a huge way of life in America.

Lucky for me my job was relocating to another state and I had no desire to leave with them. So I took my severance package and I said this will be the start for me to do something for me. To find what I really wanted to do and something that I would be happy with. I took my severance, my small savings, and my 401K and went looking for what would make me happy.

God had other plans for me. Only 2 months after I started my journey to career fulfillment I got PREGNANT! Now at this time I don't see my pregnancy as detrimental. Truthfully I believe both of my children are amazing and they were given to me for very specific reason. So when found out that I was pregnant with my daughter I was pretty happy. I was on Severance and was going to be eligible for unemployment and while I did want to be a working part in the community I believed that this was a sign for me to take a step back and really take this opportunity to be able to raise my daughter. And we had justified it by analyzing child care costs and other variables. So not all was

lost and we were very hopeful for our future. The first year home was great aside from the regular relationship argument we managed to get along and create a happy household. However right before Tulip's first birthday I had a spout of mental illness that landed me in the hospital. While I was there I found out that baby #2 was on the way.

At this point I felt like things were starting to get a little bit out of control. We had gone through my savings, my unemployment was over, and my 401k was slowly depleting.

As much as I love my baby girl I know how difficult it is to have one toddler let alone have another baby on the way. But God sent me this gift and who am I to slap him in the face and get rid of it? So we hunkered down and dealt with what was was to come.

During these months things slowly started getting 'real'. Arguments between my partner and I seemed to be at their worst, things within the house also became uncontrollable. As silly as it sounds things like dishes and laundry really did start to pile up, it got to the point where the whole top half of our house was just a laundry disaster zone. While joking about it might take the edge off, the situation was very serious. Throwing away clothes and giving up things didn't help when you have 4 people living in one house and one on the way.

Bills started getting paid later and later. I signed up for food stamps and government assistance because I was eligible and fact is we really do need the help. If we didn't live in a house that was owned by my mom we would probably be homeless. It's hard when you have one person out there trying to earn enough to support an entire family.

My mental health took a huge hit and it made me feel like I wasn't doing my part even though I was probably doing one of the most important parts, raising the children.

Late bills, repossessed cars, filing for bankruptcy, babies on the way, food stamps, government assistance, and then you have those little things at home that just add to it. Before we knew it things in the house were falling apart - the shower head came off of the shower, our car broke down three times within the same month and required thousands of dollars of work, big appliances broke and couldn't get replaced - just all of top of each other.

Needless to say those little things never got fixed it's been months - we still have a shower head that is broken and a dishwasher that just takes up space.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in all of the negative things that are happening in your life. That "oh shit" moment really can make your positivity take a hit. I try to be an optimist - there are still things to be positive about. We do still

have a place to live, we do still have a vehicle, I do still get to see my family every day and raise my children.

It's not the fact that you hit rock bottom it's what you do afterwards - I've sat and I've deliberated and for me I need to be able to do something that I can do while I'm with my children.

So I started trying it all - making bath bombs and body scrubs, jams and Halloween costumes, selling It Works!, selling LimeLife by Alcone, baking, making hair accessories and holiday wreaths - none of it really seemed to help. I'd stand at flea markets selling my handmade goods and second hand clothing I acquired and nada. I'd sell online, "network" on social media and still zilch.

So I'm here. Sharing my story and thoughts to people who don't know me or care.

"Rock bottom"