There's no such thing as the perfect joke. For every five friends who borrow my Strangers with Candy or Mr. Show DVDs, one comes back with a bad review. Hell, I've dated two women who didn't even like Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters. I don't want to sound like a nerd, but I'll learn how to masturbate in Klingon before I put my dick in something that can't have fun watching Ghostbusters.

So I understood that when I got into this joke writing business that a few people were going to hate it, and a few of those people were going to tell me all about it. I normally write off this crushing emotional trauma as an occupational hazard, but last week I did an article on how people who play World of Warcraft suck at video games. As you can imagine, some of them took this personally. Well, I'm not ignoring it this time. I'll be goddamned if I'm going to sit around and take crap from a bunch of orcs and wizards coming into my world and talking shit.

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Strangely, all hate mail writers, even ones from Warcraft, fall perfectly into one of ten categories. And all ten of those hater types were well represented in the comments section of last week's article. I've selected some of my favorites below.

Note: Legal battles have forced me to retire my Learning with Super Mario Brothers System, so we'll be using the last-minute replacement of Pac-School, Educationating the Pac-Man Way.

Detective Hypocrisy, Douchebag P.D.

The thing about the stupid is that they think they're just like you and me. As far as they know, they're clever and observant. And when they think they smell hypocrisy, they are on the case!

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POD Says:

For a guy bent on putting down wow players you sure do know a thing or two about the game. Beastmaster hunters and 25 man raids: Things that players would know. Are you a dick or an Idiot?

Yes, over the course of an article desribing my experiences playing World of Warcraft you spotted that I've played it. I hope the soft spot of your skull held up to all that brain throbbing, you first term abortion. If I'd known that was going to be mysterious to the audience reading it, I would have written a coloring book about bubble gum safety and saved the complicated jokes for your dad's vaginoplasty. Like this one: Your father's birth canal is such a twisting maze of harvested colon parts that it has its own minotaur boss. Tell you what, asshole, I'll move out of my glass house when you can lift a figurative stone without giving yourself a literal hernia.