50 States of McMansion Hell: Oakland County, Michigan

Greetings friends! Believe me - believe me - this house is going to make up for Monday’s missed post (I’m going to move away from theory next week but more about that later). This may be one of the tackiest McMansions in McMansion Hell history. Behold, my friends, behold!

This incredible chateau, built in 1994, boasts 5 bedrooms and 5.5 baths, totaling around 5,300 square feet. You can be the king or queen of this counterfeit castle for just around $1 million USD!

Without further ado:

The Royal Foyer

Not only is this room the pinnacle of logic, but it made me realize how long it’s been since we had a true brass n glass chandelier! For those of you on the West Coast who don’t know about Dillard’s, giant round windows/entrances are their thing:

Photo by Michael Rivera, CC-BY-SA 4.0

The Great Excellent Room

The ratio of floor area to ceiling height is rather boggling, even by McMansion standards.

Kitchen

The apples and oranges joke was a test to see if any dads out there read my blog.

Sitting Room 1

The funniest thing about the trim is that if they did continue it, it would run into the types of the windows. Oops, indeed.

The Royal Dining Room

Liberté, égalité, fraternité! If you like French Revolution jokes, friend, oh boy are you in for a treat.



It’s worth mentioning here that ya girl has primary source material related to this room:

The funniest part is that the furniture in the McMansion dining room is a dang knockoff of this insane Italian furniture found in the 1986 International Collection of Interior Design. It’s almost like the people who built this house aren’t *actually* royalty!

Master Royal Bedroom

One has to wonder about the people who decorate their houses to look like royalty, especially the niche practitioners of “Dictator Chic.”

Master Bath

Dear Every Frat Dude in the University of North Carolina School System, I am Throwing Shade Directly At You

Princess’ Bedchamber

Guys, you guys, France has elections now. Little Alliesonn and Anndrieah can still be your little princesses - no need to re-establish the monarchy.

Bathroom Two

AHA!

Image via The World’s Best Ever

Rec Room

Who put in that fireplace?! Who looked at that and said “I have completed my task effectively and am satisfied with my work”?! Guillotine! Guillotine!

Mystery Room

I’m not sorry.

Well, that does it for our lovely tour of this McCastle - now for our favorite part:

Rear Exterior

Those balconies are sus af.

Well, that does it for Michigan! Stay tuned for a post Next Monday in which I delve into the nitty gritty details of architecture (what is that random ornament/window style/etc. called anyway?) and dissecting these monstrosities by comparing them to the great houses of the past. Be sure to come back Thursday for a Minnesota McMansion!

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!

Not into small donations and sick bonus content? Check out the McMansion Hell Store- 100% goes to charity.