On the eve of the election Toronto police tweeted about a man who’d broken into a downtown building, climbed atop a crane on the roof and was in possession of a parachute when he was arrested.

Which works nicely as a metaphor for what unfolded across the country on Monday night into Tuesday morning — with a paratroop squadron of incumbents from The Big Smoke colouring the grid red.

Canadians handed Justin Trudeau a minority government parachute to soften the landing of what was otherwise a free fall of the Liberal party, their caucus reduced by 20 seats and a popular vote clocking of roughly 33 per cent, a smaller share than the Conservatives. So about two-thirds of country did not swing for the Grits.

Rather than riding the Jarry metro Tuesday in Montreal for selfie-poses and to thank constituents, which is apparently now a thing, Trudeau should have been straphanging on the Toronto subway, Liberals sweeping the 416 seats, freezing out the NDP when clearly we’re a lefty citadel. Strategic voting, I guess.

But if the Tories couldn’t bring down the Liberals amidst all of Trudeau’s scandals — raising trenchant issues about the prime minister’s judgment, ethics, character and integrity — then they’re a hopeless lot. Because they’ll likely never again be afforded such a vulnerable opponent.

With the exception of Jagmeet Singh, who managed to limit the damage to the third-place NDP almost entirely on the merits of his own admirable personality, and the oomph of an alarmingly resurrected Bloc Québécois, no party leader inspired. Bland Andrew Scheer couldn’t cut the mustard. Elizabeth May remains a niche outlier, even with climate change top of mind — or so citizens had claimed in poll pulse-taking — though the Greens seized a third seat, and Maxime Bernier got the ass-kicking his populist right-screeching People’s Party of Canada so richly deserved, bounced from his own seat.

Seriously Scheer, a politically agnostic Canadian must ask: How did you blow this? Even if the upshot (huge sigh of relief here) is that the country managed to dodge a Conservative majority bullet. Further even, if Scheer was hardly the right-wing dimpled Satan as portrayed by his pearl-clutching fear-mongering hysterics.

That the Liberals survived the election with a strong minority — 13 seats shy of a majority — is in spite of Trudeau, not because of him. Trudeaumania II didn’t float all Liberal boats, as was the case in 2015. Most Liberal candidates frantically bailed their dinghies, to set themselves apart from Dear Leader. He is beholden to them, not the other way around.

Right party, wrong leader.

Though you wouldn’t know it from Trudeau’s “victory” speech, which sounded more like a stump address than anything remotely resembling an attempt at national healing for a deeply divided nation. Triumphant was a clanging note to hit and shooting off his mouth while Scheer (Singh as well) were still delivering their concession oratory, like he couldn’t wait just five minutes, forcing the networks to cut away, was astonishingly bad form for Trudeau.

He is, sadly, as arrogant and tone-deaf and narcissistic as ever. Which does not auger well for minority governing traction in Trudeau’s second term, the PM presumably intending to steer forward with his centrist-left policies to an extent the NDP can tolerate in exchange for propping-up, while simultaneously, as required, not alienating the Bloc Québécois, thus allowing the province to spin off into its racist Bill 21 orbit with no pushback from Ottawa. Quebec will doubtless be seeking more power over immigration matters.

How in the world does Trudeau expect to navigate this contentious political landscape, with the Prairie provinces doubling down on their Liberal-loathing, completely disconnected — only one Alberta seat rejected the Conservatives, it went NDP; shut out in Saskatchewan — from the political biorhythms of Canada? How can Trudeau reconcile his party to the stark polarization between urban and rural voters?

Trudeau scarcely acknowledged the West’s up-finger, apart from British Columbia. “(You) are an essential part of our great country,” he told Alberta and Saskatchewan. “I’ve heard your frustration and I want to be there to support you. Let us all work hard to bring our country together.”

And that was pretty much it from the leader of a federal party at knives drawn with those two provinces over a punitive carbon tax, oil pipelines and agriculture-dependent economies. None of those voices will be heard around Trudeau’s caucus table.

Make no mistake. This was a personal pinning back of the ears for Trudeau, who lost seats in every chunk of a country straining at its regional differences. The prime minister has no talent for accommodation and conciliation. He’s known only entitlement his entire life, a bossy-boots and bullying nature that was exposed — though clearly not fatally — in the SNC-Lavalin escapades.

Trudeau continues to sheathe himself in mendacity and lame justifications for his criminal justice intruding arm-twisting of Jody Wilson-Raybould, who was re-elected as the Independent MP for Vancouver-Granville, yet still under a gag order that prevents her speaking fulsome truths, same cone of silence which has apparently thwarted the RCMP investigation.

If the Opposition truly have any lead in their pencils, they’d insist upon reopening the judicial inquiry into the SNC-Lavalin affair that was haughtily terminated by a Liberal-dominated committee. As a minority government, the Liberals will no longer be able to stack the justice and ethics committees. Thus there’s some hope for a do-over, on top of the damning indictment Trudeau has already absorbed from ethics commissioner’s Mario Dion, raising the prime minister’s conflict of interest violations to two.

A PM who got his jollies doing blackface/brownface shtick as a younger man, who gallivants on comped private island vacations with the Aga Khan, who mortified everybody with his culturally appropriated Bollywood wardrobe on a formal visit to India, who is all the time resolutely virtue-signaling except when the groping accusation is directed at him.

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That was just another mask the hammy thespian donned at his victory party. There’s nothing of substance or sincerity beneath.

I’ll take the Liberal minority, gladly. I just can’t take any more of three-dollar-bill Justin.

Pack your parachute. It’s going to be a bumpy mandate.

Rosie DiManno is a columnist based in Toronto covering sports and current affairs. Follow her on Twitter: @rdimanno

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