THE world’s ex-smokers have all quietly taken up the habit again because why not, researchers has found.

Reformed puffers across the globe explained that have gone back on their healthy lifestyle because they have no pensions, no hope and no chance of a future.

Tom Booker said: “I hadn’t had a cigarette eight years until this week, then I saw a second lockdown was coming.

“My grandparents smoked through World War Two, my great-grandparents smoked through World War One, and if I’m to be forced to bear witness to the resurgence of fascism I might as well do it with a nicotine buzz.

“Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease is my retirement plan. I’m thinking of the children.”

Dr Helen Archer said: “We don’t recommend or condone smoking, but we can certainly understand it. ‘Think of the long-term effects’ rings a bit hollow when you’re facing multiple short-term catastrophes.

“Indeed, looking at the approaching environmental apocalypse, I can’t see any harm in smoking in bed.”