The lunch meat has found new life as a political insult – but an increasing number of people have taken issue with it

Name: Gammon.

Age: 50-plus, broadly speaking.

Appearance: Like a nice pub lunch, albeit a really angry pub lunch that won’t shut up about the will of the people.

Gammon? Like the meat? Exactly. And also like the skin tone of almost every furious, spittle-mouthed wingnut ever to scream borderline racist nearly-questions at the panel on Question Time.

Right, I get it, we’re being pejorative. That’s right. In recent months, the word “gammon” has become a shorthand for middle-aged, right-leaning white men who won’t stop railing against a system they feel is working against them, even though they are ultimately among its greatest beneficiaries.

I know exactly the sort of people you’re talking about. Sure you do. They voted for Brexit and support the Conservatives even though they harbour a secret fondness for Nigel Farage. They’re into the idea of St George’s Day 5% more than they should be. They drink beer. They smoke. They look – and this is really the key point here – like slabs of greasy gammon shimmering stupidly under a fluorescent light.

Call me old-fashioned, but isn’t that needlessly confrontational? Oh great, you’re one of them.

One of who? One of the fun-sponges who don’t like it when people make dismissive judgments of strangers based on aspects of their appearance over which they have little to no control.

Yes, that’s exactly the sort of person I am. For God’s sake. I’ll just add you to the increasing pile of naysayers who have taken issue with the term, calling it unfair and racist, then.

Well, yes, that would be nice. Oh, get a load of you. You still think that the left should be above making the sort of knee-jerk, bullying, generalised stereotypical attacks that have long characterised their opponents on the right, do you? You think we should be held to higher standards, do you?

Of course I do. As soon as you call someone “gammon”, you’re shutting down the discussion in an overtly unhelpful way. Oh, right. You probably think it’s better to engage someone in intelligent conversation, don’t you? You would rather build a foundation of common values and work towards a mutually beneficial consensus than just write the word “GAMMON” on Twitter whenever anyone says anything you disagree with, right?

Yes. You probably think it’s reductive and that it systematically demolishes everything we have spent generations working towards, don’t you?

Again, yes. Well, fine. But you’re only saying that because you look like gammon.

I mean, I have a genetic disposition towards hypertension, but … GAMMON.

I’m not going to win this one, am I? GAMMON GAMMON GAMMON.

Do say: “Always punch up, never punch down.”

Don’t say: “Unless the guy below you looks like pub meat, in which case punch away.”