Dear VentureTek™

Is there a Mrs. VentureTek™?

If not I might know someone who is interested.

sincerely

RA$TAMan32, Rhode Island

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Dear RA$TAMan32

There is no Mrs. VentureTek™. Which is weird, we know, because who wouldn’t want to get with this? Right? I mean, look at us, three dudes who are so famous and really successful And 100% E.K.D. (extremely kissable, dude).

Still, that’s an awful lot of pressure for a wife to live up to. Why, she’d have to be equally as funny, charming, and a total babe just to make our qualified wife candidate list. Yes, we have a list. We’d like to tell you who is on it but we don’t want to make things any easier on any potential Brides-2-Be who might read your mail.

As far as our ideal woman goes…..

…well, a gentleman has his secrets.

Keep looking for love 4 Us,

Your friend

VentureTek™

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Dear VentureTek™,

If you “guys” are sooooo great why don’t you move to L.A.?

Just asking.

Laurel, Sacramento

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Dear Laurel

Hiya! Jake Here. I read your email and let me tell you, Laurel (can I call you Laurels?) VentureTek™ has got nothing but love for Hollywood. Alas, the ivory towers and sandy beaches of L.A. remain as insurmountable as the Great Walls of Fabled China™. But it’s not for lack of trying. If the phone suddenly rang and I answered it and it was Hollywood and they wanted us to work for them but they could only pay us in money and weed and food and women and Money….well, that would be just awesome. However, it is not going to happen any day now. Ask me: “Why?” I’ll tell you why. It’s because we don’t make the rules. Who makes the rules? Mark Wahlberg.

Mark Wahlberg makes the rules and he says we have to wait.

So there you have it, Laurels. (Can I call you Fo’ Reals cuz’ that question was very thoughtful.)

Thanks

The ‘Tek™

p.s. fight for the future

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Dear VentureTek™,

How are you? I’m fine. Well, no. I’m not. That’s why I’m writing to you really. You see, I recently suffered a nasty concussion in a car accident last spring. Fortunately, the other driver was at fault and I landed a hefty settlement. Unfortunately, I’ve since found myself the victim of a radical speech impediment and nothing modern medicine has to offer seems to be working. I tried everything. Pills, Steroid Therapy, Endenson8 Injections but to no avail. I heard on the radio that VentureTek™ has been researching Hahlehwahheyho vocal exercises and was hoping you might know of any other therapeutic options for someone like me.

Thanks

Lando from Santa Cruz, CA

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Dear Lando,

Jake here. Read your letter and I gotta tell you it shocked me. I had no idea that people were still driving around in auto-kars. Those primitive contraptions are definitely to blame for your oral malady. Under normal circumstances I’d tell you to simply schedule yourself for another Endenson8 Injection but it doesn’t seem like that’s gonna do much good. Instead, I leave you with the pledge that help is on the way. VentureTek™ will personally devise a speech therapy course that’s guaranteed to do the trick. Look for hope in the weeks to come. Until then stay strong, brother.

Sincerely

Dr. Jake Lindsay-Ceniceros, Head of R&D

p.s. maybe this will help

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Dear VentureTek™,

I’ve been working in the health care industry for 25 years now and I’ve seen my fair share of scientific innovation, frankly I never thought anything could ever again instill in me the raw, caveman-seeing-fire experience that was Lauterbur’s MRI, Mansfields fMRI, and the Jarvik Artificial Heart. For a while I even entertained the notion that modern medicine had finally met its match but last year a co-worker tipped me off about the work going on at VentureTek™ Labs; well, suffice to say I was utterly amazed.

Keep up the good work, gentlemen!

Sincerely yours

Dr. Larryzygar

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Dear Dr. Larryzygar

VentureTek™ understands that the advent of new information technology has led to overall diminished responses from –>YOU<– the consumer. However you need not worry. Our patented scientific breakthroughs are scientifically tested to deliver the most surprise with every use. With that in mind VentureTek™ is working side-by-side with the information superhighway to provide everyone access to the same quality Online Sex and Swingers Personal Community that fans have come to expect. Have Sex with Us tonight, why don’t you. Look forward to new video footage of an experimental nature plus sharing advice, photos and more!

Guest lectures will be held every Tuesday and Thursday by our staff and some of the sharpest minds from around the globe.

sincerely

VentureTek™

p.s. Connect with other mothers!

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Dear VentureTek™

Is it true that member Joey Price is related to Vincent Price? I find that hard to believe as Vincent Price (star of stage and screen) is dead and Joey Price (writer and director of “Emo: the musical) is not dead. Is it wrong of me to assume that Joey’s father is actually alive? Help!

signed

Saddler, TX

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Dear Saddler TX

When confronted by metaphysical phenomenon it is quite common to go through a period of disbelief. However, rest assured Vincent Price is dead and buried in the ground. We know because we were there when Joey buried him and when he dug him back up. Yes. Being a father is a full-time job. Especially if your the father of international funny-man Joey Price. Hope that clears up any confusion you may have about Joey’s fathers-I mean-father.

sincerely VentureTek™