The Interruption

I’m working on something. I’m under deadline. I’ve worked into the “neutral zone” where anything can happen and I wasn’t prepared for nap-time to be over and then suddenly I hear it… “Daaddaayy! Daaddaayy!”

I just need five more minutes… pretend you don’t need me for just five more minutes! By that time it’s already too late. My concentration has been broken and I am no longer completely focused on what I am doing. But I don’t stop. I keep working because I need to meet that deadline, or because I am this close to solving this problem. And this is where everyone loses.

A Fool Proof (almost) Schedule

My wife and I have decided, at least for now, not to have our children in childcare. We do this for two reasons… one, we still have four pre-school aged children and the cost of childcare is impractical for our budget and time. And two, we are really enjoying the extra time that we get to spend with them because we know it won’t last long. This dynamic comes at a different kind of cost, and we have to be extra diligent about how we parse schedule our time. On a typical Monday, my wife is at home with the boys in the morning until they go down for their naps at 11am. They will generally nap until 2pm. So what I try to do is schedule 6am-1:30pm as regular work time and leave the last 30 minutes as kind of a “cleaning up” and “winding down” time before I get the boys up.

Most days I actually have to wake them up. It’s wonderful! But every once in a while they wake up in that last half hour before 2pm. Now if I follow my own schedule, this shouldn’t be a problem, but sometimes I get so engrossed in a project that I let myself fudge on the time a little bit.

Here’s what I imagine will happen…

“Hey boys,” I say. “I see that you are up from your nap. Daddy just needs five more minutes to finish up this one thing. Why don’t you guys go up to the library and look at some books quietly until I finish and come get you. Then, we’ll all have a snack.” In unison, my boys reply, “Okay daddy. You won’t hear a peep from us. Come get us when you’re done.” They walk quietly up the stairs and out of sight, and I spend exactly five minutes in deep focus, finishing my project.

Here’s what actually happens…

“Hey boys,” I say, “I see that you are up from– hey boys, listen to daddy. I just need five more–” “DaddyDaddy,” the oldest interrupts. “Can I please have a snack? I’m staaarrving!” “Yes,” I reply, “but first let me just finish this one thing. You guys, go upstairs and look at some books– BOYS NO, don’t dump out the toy bin! Y’know, nap time technically isn’t supposed to be over yet.” In unison, “Daaaddy. Give us a snack!” The back and forth continues with me splitting my attention between the computer screen and my children, neither getting the amount of attention they require.

Bending Time and Space

In reality, when I put myself in this position, I will almost always spend longer trying to finish what I am doing than if I were to do it at a later time, distraction free. When my stated five minutes becomes more like ten or fifteen minutes (earlier today it was about an hour), I am exemplifying a poor sense of time for my children. My kids and I both feel frustrated and shortchanged and, most of the time, the work that I’ve done was done poorly anyway.

Five Tips

If you’ve also experienced this problem, here are some ideas that, though I am far from being a pro at implementing, are worth giving a try…

1. Don’t carry false expectations into the “neutral zone”

It’s a good idea, for starters, to define your own neutral zone, and treat it as such. This is a time when you may be able to get some stuff done, but also a time when your concentration could likely be broken at any moment. Don’t expect to be able to do really brain intensive stuff during this time. The closer your expectations are to reality, the less frustrated or caught off guard you’ll be when reality comes tromping down the stairs.

2. Talk to your kids about what to expect from you when you’re working

I find that the best time to have this conversation is ANY TIME OTHER THAN when you’ve been interrupted. You may have to remind them often, but it’s a great idea to help your children understand what it looks like when you’re working, what hours you normally work and how you’d best like to be approached when you’re working. Putting it out there keeps them and you accountable to those guidelines, and can help them see that your boundaries are there not to keep them out, but to protect your relationship with them.

3. Be consistent with your stated and actual working time

This goes for schedule as well as duration. For example, if you say that you will not work later than 5pm, stop at 5pm. If you say you’re going to need five more minutes, take no more than five extra minutes. As they say, ‘it’s simple, not easy,’ but this serves, not only to help your children gain a healthy sense of time, but deepens their trust that you’ll be their to meet their needs when you say you will.

4. If you absolutely have to take five more minutes, buy yourself some time

Sometimes I just need to press pause on my project for a few moments so that I can take care of some immediate needs. Getting a snack and taking out some toys or coloring books can buy me just enough time to sit down and finish what I was doing. Sometimes, when desperate times call for desperate measures, I might even put on a cartoon or a movie for them. No, a little TV will not rot their brains. No, this does not make you a bad parent.

5. Be okay with re-negotiating deadlines

Let meeting your deadlines be more about the value you place in offering timely and quality work and less about trying to beat out the competition. If this is your approach, then your family life is a valuable part of the equation. The truth is, your ability to solve your clients’ problems, or the value that you share in your work is a sum of many parts. One of those parts IS your family life. A professional understands this dynamic and uses it to communicate, not make an excuse for, the value of clear work/personal boundaries and what this sometimes means for deadlines. Open communication about new timeline expectations is almost always favorable to diminished quality due to blurry boundaries and hurried work. If you’ve communicated clearly, your client or audience should be understanding and appreciative, and everyone will be happier.

Family and Work are good for each other

It’s a work in progress for me. Honestly, I’m looking at these words and thinking, ‘yea, I should try that.’ I don’t want my work and my family to be fighting over five of my minutes, or any of my minutes. The more I can clarify and uphold the boundary between the two, the truer it becomes that each minute I spend focusing on one doesn’t detract from, but enriches the other.