A Letter to Candace Owens

Dear Candace,

Hope you can read from under the giant #MAGA cap hot-glued to your head! How could you go against our interests like that, girlfran? The black community needed you. Our country is split, and you decided to pick up a hammer. Well, I’m here to tell you we’re not mad, just disappointed (yes we are mad, but… just go with the cliché).

You and Kanye – in the most ambitious crossover event in history – told TMZ that slavery suppressed our ancestors and bailed. It’s more like, oppression said, “I could stick around for another hour” and shifted its position on the couch. Systemic racism’s more alive than Ann Coulter on a good day. Discrimination cannot be isolated to a single period of time; that shit trickles into the present day and gets on everything.

You say Trump’s lived ‘rent-free’ in our heads since the election, but ya know who hasn’t? Thousands of disadvantaged minorities across the land. In our heads. In 2015, 25.4% of the black population lived below the poverty level in 2015, below the national 14.7%. Ever think about their (OUR) problems? With our current administration, that divide’s gonna widen.

You say that the black community latches onto a victim complex, unwilling to take responsibility for our own futures. Apparently there is a “black” card stashed in our wallets that‘s a ‘get out of jail free’ card. Interestingly enough, black students in Ivy Leagues like me keep questioning whether or not our merit got us through (or was it our parent’s hefty donations?). But yo, we’ve been trying to stand up on our own two feet THIS WHOLE TIME – gravity just won’t let us. Stupid physics.

You must have heard the quote, “With passionate delusion, anything is possible. Hashtag MAH-GAH ”? Can’t remember who said it. But every night, after you unscrew your precious hat and shower in librul tears, you can lay your head to rest knowing you spoke up for what you believe in. That is an objectively respectable trait – ruined by your allegiance to the people who care about us sooooo much. Enjoy the peace the rest of us wish we had.

Is “black conservative” an oxymoron? Yesterday this moniker was not two adjacent words with opposing meanings. Heck, maybe one day ‘black legacy admission’ outside HBCUs won’t be make-believe. But right now? No doubt about it.

Sincerely,

Mr. Moncy