This may or may not be my final GWAB entry until post-surgery, so I guess this is where I lay it all out,

I’m a mixture of unsureness/anxiousness/hopeful/realistic, and “let’s get this over with”, right now. I don’t know what can happen, so i’ve talked to my parents, brother, friends, and family over the last few days. I haven’t put up a facade of strength, no point in doing so. I know i’m not the only one scared or anxious here. I don’t care if I sound morbid or come off negative, because that’s not how I see it. I see it as being realistic. Of course, the most likely outcomes are A) Resection with good results and no side-effects, B) Resection with good results and some side-effects, C) Failed resection, D) No resection and having to go with an RNS Device in a few months.

But on to the good things! My Neurologist, Neurosurgeon and his team of doctors are pretty sure of where all the seizure activity is coming from for my Frontal Lobe Epilepsy. It is just a matter of IF they feel they can/should go in and remove it. So this, I am hopeful about. I would not be this far along if they were shooting in the dark. A successful resection could possibly lead to a seizure free life, with medication, and this is the best outcome. The second best is seizure reduction, which I would gladly take, as I currently have 1-3 seizures a day. I have countless cuts, scrapes, bruises, some scars, fractured bones, and even a few knocked out front teeth from seizures over the last decade (those last two just in the last year and a half). This could all hopefully be put behind me. I could actually, possibly, be able to do a lot more things in life without the fear of hurting myself because of having a seizure. There are a lot of things I can think of that I want to do if I become seizure free, but we’ll save that for a later post (hopefully).

This last part is for the readers, followers, and fellow Redditors in r/epilepsy who gave me a reason to start this blog. You guys read every post that I put up. You guys leave wonderful comments on Reddit, and even send messages. I love the good vibes, and being able to help people who don’t know what to expect. I will NOT stop writing after this surgery is done. I wanted this to be a record of what it was like for someone going into a surgery, and now it will become a record of what it is like for someone who has gone through surgery. Every single “view” in my stat bar is a reason for me to continue writing, every upvote, comment, message. Seeing the different countries where readers are coming from: Canada, Mexico, Australia, Spain, United Kingdom, Korea, Japan, my home country of the United States, and many many more. It’s been an amazing two and half months leading up to today, and hopefully it carries on afterwards.

Sincerely,

GWAB

“He knows not his own strength that hath not met adversity.”

– Ben Jonson (1572 – 1637)