The Sweet Stuff: Meeting Jodie Sweetin

Last week Jodie Sweetin came to my college. That's right Stephanie Tanner herself was here. It was pretty wild. She was brought in by some anti-drug group to talk about doing meth, but nobody cared about that. We wanted sweet Full House stories.

There were only a limited number of advance tickets, and those sold out within seconds. This meant the only chance the remaining fans had to see the show was to buy tickets at the window. Me and a bunch of friends camped out for six hours to get the tickets, and even then we barely got seats. There were just too many hardcore Sweetin fans without jobs willing to camp out for days, or weeks, in advance. We were pretty lucky to even get in. I'm just grateful for that old guy who accidentally drove his Cutlass Supreme through the crowd, killing several dozen people that were in front of us in line.

Jodie was suppose to come on at 7:30, but she didn't show up until 9. It was a long wait, but it was worth it. We passed the time talking about how excited we were, and looking at the ass of this chick in front of us. She apparently decided that the appropriate place to have the top of her pants is somewhere around the knee. Then, she did that thing were the girl acts like she isn't starved for attention by trying to pull her ridiculously short shirt down over her ass, even though it won't stay like that and the situation would much easier be remedied by pulling up her pants.

That chick is a slut, unlike Jodie Sweetin who is a class act all the way. We were waiting, when all of a sudden a note on a bass guitar could faintly be heard. Over the course of a few minutes it got louder, and more frequent. Then the lyrics came in…

I am a real American

Fight for the rights of everyman

I am a real American

Fight for my rights, fight for my life

Right at that part, where the song starts to pick up, Jodie Sweetin kicked down the doors and ran into the room. People were screaming and going nuts just like in those videos of when the Beatles first showed up in America. She was running up and down the aisles high fiving people, and waving a huge American flag over her head. The song was awesome too. It was like no version of "Real American" I have ever heard before. It sounded like Van Halen if they had Ronnie James Dio as a lead singer. Towards the end of the song, she got on stage and started doing back flips in time with the music. Never once did the flag touch the ground. After the music stopped, people were still screaming and applauding. Jodie handed the flag to an assistant and reached under the podium. While she was down there "We're an American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad started playing. Then, she got up with these two huge road flares and started dancing around like in the Chili Pepper video. It was breath taking.

The song wound down, and she went back to the microphone. The crowd was as wild as ever, but she motioned with her hands for everybody to quiet down. Of course we obeyed. Then she said:

“Are you motha fuckers ready to rock this joint!”

And the place erupted again. After several minutes of cheering, it quieted down to the point where she could talk again. Of course, she started off talking about Full House. In fact, most of the speech was about Full House even though it was supposed to be about her meth addiction. Jodie Sweetin knows what her fans want, and she delivers.

She said it was a little rough growing up on TV. Kids at school would either tease her because they were jealous or try to be her friend just so that they could meet the cast. Despite this, she said it was an opportunity that she would never take back. “Most people only dream of meeting John Stamos” she said “But I not only saw him on a regular basis, but on occasion shared a pizza with him. It must have been like how the apostles felt when they hung out with Jesus.”

On that subject, I feel like I should share some of the great stories Jodie told about John Stamos on the set of Full House.

One time, John Stamos showed up three hours late for a taping because there was an issue concerning his pet Zebra. When he arrived Dave Coulier started giving him shit about holding things up, so John Stamos looked Coulier straight in the eyes and said “Nice beret fag.” It took so long to get Dave Coulier to stop crying that they lost an entire day of shooting.

Then, there was the time Stamos stole the entire set as a joke. You read that right, they showed up one day and the entire set was gone. The house, the yard, the Smash Club, all gone. They literally had no place to shoot the show. It turns out John Stamos had moved it next door where they filmed The Sinbad Show and thrown The Sinbad Show set in the dumpster. Long story short, everybody had a big laugh and The Sinbad Show had to be cancelled due to the costs related to replacing the set.

While Stamos liked to kid around he also was very protective of all the kids on the show. One time, a bully at school kept harassing Jodie at school and saying Full House sucked. Jodie said she got the last laugh when John Stamos got the bully deported.

Jodie also recalled a few funny Bob Saget moments.

Like this one time they were filming an episode where Danny and Jesse take a group of kids to the museum. Bob Saget was sick of the kids yelling and screwing around between takes. Totally out of the blue he drops trow and starts jerking off right there in front of all of them. It was traumatizing, but after that none of them said anything else between takes.

Bob Saget also was constantly swearing while on set. Not tame swears either. Jodie said "fuck" came out of his mouth more then the word "hug" came out of his character's mouth. He was also a huge racist. She said he had a saying, “If it ain't white and if it ain't blowing me, then shoot the fucking dog.”

We, of course, were enthralled with all this juicy Full House related info. Unfortunately, the lame anti-drug group that paid her to come wanted her to talk about her un-Full House related drug addiction, and she said she wouldn't get paid if she didn't cover that.

Jodie said that she first got introduced to the party scene after the episode where Stephanie drives the car through the kitchen wall. Jodie did her own stunts, and that one really shook her up. John Stamos decided to cheer her up by taking her clubbing with him. While out in the club, Jodie said she was offered all kinds of drugs, but was intimidated, so she only smoked some pot and dropped acid.

Later, after the run of the show, Jodie got into more drugs. In an attempt to fit in at middle and high school, she would go party a lot, since everybody loves people who party. At these parties she would drink and do various drugs. When she went to college her parents were worried about her partying too much, so they made her live at home on the weekends. To make up for this, she partied Sunday through Thursday.

During 2002, she wanted to marry her future husband, but he thought she was too wild. In order to get him she told him she wanted to quit her partying ways, and put her acting ability to good use, convincing him she was sorry for all her boozing and using. This was all a lie to make him marry her. She just started doing it in secret. She started doing crystal meth as it was easy to hide from her husband because all the ingredients were in their bathroom.

Jodie soon learned that meth is very addicting and she said it soon took over her entire life. After a three day bender, she came home to find the entire Full House cast in her living room, ready for an intervention. Dave Coulier tried lightening the mood by talking like Bullwinkle. She stressed that this was lame and only made things worse. Eventually, John Stamos said they would get through this together, and took her to rehab on his Harley.

Jodie Sweetin said it was tough getting clean and her husband broke up with her because of all her lies. She also said it was pretty cool because drugs are neat, and she got to meet Jason Mewes. She then told us the rumors are true, Mewes is hung like a condor. Nobody around me had any clue what that meant. I think its some sort of drug thing.

At this time she began taking questions. Here is a rundown of some of them:

Q: Is Bob Saget as tall as he looks?

A: Yes, taller in fact because he has never stopped growing. Part of the reason the show ended was because they couldn't afford to keep buying him new costumes.

Q: Do you miss acting?

A: A little, mostly I miss the catering.

Q: Did you ever kiss John Stamos?

A: Kissing John was weird, you know, because I had known him ever since I was little. He was kind of like an uncle. Still, whenever I kissed him I instantly orgasmed, even before puberty.

Q: What is your favorite episode?

A: I like the Disney one and the Hawaii ones because it was basically a huge family vacation. The entire cast was like a family to me, plus my real family got to come. They were just really really fun. I also loved the one where I give Uncle Jesse the haircut, mostly because I got to touch John Stamo's hair.

Q: Did you really cut his hair?

A: No it was all done with computers. He didn't want his hair to be damaged.

Q: Do you ever hang out with cast members?

A: You bet I do.

After this question the doors burst open and the song “Man on the Silver Mountain” started playing. Then, none other then Bob Saget and John Stamos came in and walked to the stage. They hugged Jodie and the three of them raised their hands to a thunderous response from the crowd. A roadie brought John Stamos a guitar and Bob Saget a keytar and the three of them played the song “Forever”. It was super emotional, and people were crying and stuff. That chick in front of us fainted, which rocked cause we got an even better view of her ass.

After the show, there was an autograph session. The line was huge, but I managed to cut to the front. This is good because Jodie left before even 10% of the people in line got an autograph. Don't think she's insensitive to her fans, she signed for three hours before leaving. There were just too many people there.

I tried talking to her, but was too nervous and just stuttered. She got my name wrong on the poster, and John Stamos and Bob Saget made fun of me and called me queer. As I was walking away, Bob Saget hit me in the back of the head with a water balloon.

It was the greatest night of my life.

Here are some pictures I took.

Here is a picture of the crowd. There had to be at least 7,000 people there.

Those balls are from the strobe lights. A bunch of strobe lights were going the entire time.

Here she is signing autographs for a couple of her groupies.

John Stamos and Bob Saget calling me a fag as I approach the table. Jodie Sweetin had already started signing the poster even though I hadn't told her my name yet.