Sometimes, your greatest strength can become your worst weakness.

"How could we possibly be low on gas masks?" MacGregor exclaimed. "I ordered thousands! Tens of thousands, even! It was my biggest obsession! My special interest!"

"I don't know what happened," said Peter, unused to being on the defensive in a conversation. "All I know is, most of them are gone, even missing from soldier's uniforms. And the Black Order is on its way here."

Link sat at the table, still catching his breath after running for miles and hours on end. Despite wearing thick clothing and a gas mask, he still had several blisters on his face and body.

"And you said that the mustard gas wiped out the whole city?" Austin asked.

Link nodded. "And they wiped out the last of our navy, and killed Jannis with some kind of strange psychological warfare. Rowing died with the ships, the gas got Armory and nearly all the soldiers."

"That's impossible," said MacGregor. "Mustard gas only has a 25% casualty rate, at most, and the victims don't usually die right away. It's designed to maim, not kill."

"Not from what I saw," said Link. "And I clearly heard Sphinx shout 'Release the mustard gas.'"

"Could they have mixed it with something else?" Nitseco asked. "I've experienced that kind of thing before."

MacGregor thought for a moment. "That seems most likely," he said. "Probably some kind of nerve agent. Gas masks would filter that out, but they wouldn't stop the blistering." He gestured to Link's face.

"We'll still need to get the masks back," said Peter. "If Guns N' Roses falls, the whole of RUBES is sure to follow."

"Not again," Nitesco muttered. Austin patted his shoulder.

"I think I know where they went," said Strike. "The Rodents. Only they would be able to get in, steal them off of soldier's uniforms, and get out without being caught."

"Damnit," said Rosey. "They were so cute and adorable though!"

"Looks can be deceiving," said MacGregor.

"I'm sure it was nothing personal," said Strike. "They operate a business. Team SANS was their first client, back on r/ArkosForever, but now someone's hired them against us."

"It doesn't change anything," said Austin. "We are still about to suffer an attack which we are ill-prepared to defend against."

"There is hope," said MacGregor. "We have the high ground."

"What planet do you think we're on?" Rosey asked. "r/PrequelMemes?"

MacGregor ignored her. "We'll be able to shoot them before they can shoot us. The gas is heavier than air, so that gives us another advantage."

"So we'll give our remaining masks to the soldiers in the lowest elevation positions," said Peter. "They'll need them most."

"And we have a lot fewer soldiers than we did before, so the remaining masks will go farther," said Strike.

"That sure is positive," Rosey muttered.

The door opened, and Rosa Cossette Freedom D'Elise poked her head in. "I am sorry to interrupt. Kyle, will you please come with me? It is urgent."

"I'm coming," Strike said, getting up from the table. His footsteps echoed in the stone castle as he walked out the door, and the sound of it closing reverberated.

Several seconds passed in silence.

"It feels so empty," said Nitesco. "Just a few weeks ago, we had so many people in these meetings. Now, it's just us."

Only he, Austin, Nitseco, MacGregor, Rosey, and Peter were left at the table. Six seats empty, the other fourteen filled with emptiness. Perhaps with ghosts.

"I know," said Link. "We've lost so many. Jannis, Armory, Rowing, Venom, Taco, Generic, Eldi, Kaboom, and so many others. Not to mention all those who died in the Catastrophe."

"There are more of us than just are here," said Peter. "Cyanide is down with the soldiers, Alfonse is back at Go Ren, and Strike and Rosa-"

"Are off doing who knows what, along with that missing Whale," said MacGregor.

"I trust them, I'm sure it was important," said Peter.

"We have to hope that the Black Order is running low on resources and manpower as well," said Austin. "Their forces aren't infinite. Our fallen comrades took down quite a few of them with them. Their victories come at a cost. Guns N' Roses could be the hurdle that finally breaks them."

"Let's hope," said Link. "I'm so tired of losing everything. Blisters be damned, I'm going to break their line and stop their onslaught here and today!"

"We're with you," said Peter. "But not today. It's late, and we need to get some rest."

"Is the Black Order resting?'" Nitesco asked.

"Actually, yes," said Link. "I was fleeing from them, I would know."

"Then now's our chance to strike," said Rosey. "While they're tired from their last battle, we storm their camp and kill Sphinx, Hoesack, and Tsarina in their tents!"

"As much as I would love to do that," said MacGregor, "it wouldn't work. They are sure to have guards, barbed wire, and other precautions against that. Here, we have a strong defensive position. If we tried to attack their camp, we'd be severely outnumbered and surrounded. It would be a disaster."

"We still can't let them sneak up on us in OUR sleep," said Rosey.

"We won't," said Peter. "We'll sleep in shifts. The most exhausted will go first, while the rest of us prepare."

"I guess that's settled, then," said Nitesco.

"I don't know how I'm going to be able to sleep," said MacGregor.

"You'll get used to it," said Austin.

They all said goodnight and went to their beds, except for Peter and Nitesco, who had the first watch. They all agreed to let Link sleep through the night. He fell asleep instantly, despite the blisters. MacGregor tossed and turned for a while, but eventually gave in. All but the exhausted Link had unpleasant dreams, filled with dread.

Their dread is not at all unjustified.

The hours rolled on, and the dark of night slowly became a deep blue, then a paler blue. In the early pre-dawn light, the leaders of the Black Order discussed their plans in a tent.

"I must admit, this will probably be our most difficult battle yet," said Hoesack. "They have the terrain advantage. We have incurred heavy losses."

"Don't worry, my friend," said the Black Sphinx. "They have suffered far worse. And once we gas them out, the advantage will be ours. Especially since our Rodent friends took most of their masks." He gestured to the Porcupine, who was standing on the desk.

"Pleasure doing business with you," said the Porcupine. "Though I must announce that this was the last operation of Ship Sinker and Couple Breaker technologies. The Rodent Collective has nothing more to gain and everything to lose by further involving ourselves in this war."

"That's perfectly fine," said Sphinx. "We got what we needed. We wish you the best."

With that, the Porcupine and his beaver guards left the tent.

"Now ve can discuss things more freely," said Tsarina, speaking in her thick Russian accent. She was a muscular, dyed-red haired woman dressed in a combat suit, with various weapons all over her person. Her skin was very pale, and discolored in some places, with many oddly-shaped scars. As if she had recently been revived from a corpse.

Sphinx's face lit up. "Yes, let's," he said. "Were you able to acquire the Anomaly Portal Connection Machine Key?"

"Yes," Tsarina replied, holding up the Bragg-topped device.

"Excellent," Sphinx said, rubbing his hands together. "What about the real Generix? Have you located his whereabouts?"

"Yes," Tsarina said, somewhat less proudly than her previous answer, "but it vill take some time for him to arrive. Generic and his ally had driven him zeventeen standard deviations from the main timeline away. Nonetheless, he is coming."

"That is frustrating, but you've done all you can do," said Sphinx. "Good work on being able to find him."

"I can't believe we let Generic fool us into thinking he was Generix," said Hoesack. "And then we let him slip out of our grasp by sending him to parley with the B-"

"There is no use going over that again," said Sphinx, putting his hands on his head in embarrassment. "What's done is done. We will fix that wrong soon enough."

"So what's our plan, beyond 'attack them and win?'" Hoesack asked.

"It's pretty straightforward," said Sphinx. "We hit them hard and fast with our artillery, and demolish their strongholds, forcing them out into the open. We'll leave only one line of soldiers between the enemy and our artillery pieces, so they will swarm forward to take the bait. Then, we gas them long before they can reach us."

"Why don't we just pound their strongholds to oblivion, then gas what's left?" Tsarina asked. "Letting them rush out at us seems very risky."

"If we do that, they will only retreat deeper into the ruins," said Sphinx. "And that would allow the survivors to regroup and allow time for their allies to arrive. If we want to win this war quickly and decisively, we must continue to press our advantage and not allow RUBES any time to regroup. The best way to do that is wipe out all their soldiers and commanders currently at Guns N' Roses in one fell swoop."

"Let's hope this works," said Hoesack.

"It had better," Tsarina muttered.

"Hey, have a little faith," said Sphinx. "Have I ever steered you wrong before?"

"Well," said Hoesack, "there was that incident with the diger-"

The shock of an explosion split the air and rumbled the tent.

"Great," said Tsarina. "We 'ave vasted our time talking." She got up and ran out of the tent. Sphinx and Hosack followed, as more explosions rang out.

The encampment was in chaos. Several tents were floating as fabric scraps in the breeze, with their supports strewn around the craters. The men were running to and fro, trying to prepare for battle but caught unawares.

"Get the artillery ready!" Sphinx shouted. "Everyone else, get your small arms and aim for the enemy artillery operators! Stop their barrage!"

The soldiers closest to the artillery began uncovering it and getting it ready to fire, while the rest found positions and started firing at the Guns N' Roses artillery positions.

None of the small arms fire hit its mark, the targets were too far away. A shell hit one of the Black Order's artillery pieces, blowing it apart.

"This is not going anywhere, the soldiers are only wasting ammo," said Hoesack.

"We will have to advance," said Tsarina. "Otherwise, they will hit us far more zan we can hit them."

Sphinx looked around, and saw that his lieutenants were right. He sighed. "Very well," he said. "Soldiers, advance!"

Back at Guns N' Roses

MacGregor stood in a small tower at the outermost stone fortifications, in front of the artillery but behind the innermost trench. He looked with his binoculars at the Black Order struggling to recover from the Guns N' Roses artillery's surprise attack. "The small arms fire has stopped, the enemy soldiers are advancing," he called out.

"Good," said Nitesco, who was standing on the stone castle wall behind the artillery. "Continue the barrage."

"And it looks like their artillery is almost ready."

"Concentrate our artillery fire on theirs," said Nitesco. "Our soldiers in the trenches will have to deal with the advancing enemy troops."

"Already on it," said MacGregor, relaying the order.

"We'll do our best, General," radioed Cyanide from the trenches.

"This is it," said Austin, who on the wide castle wall with Peter, Nitesco, and Rosey. "This is where we determine history. Either the Black Order breaks here, or RUBES does."

"Once again," said Peter, "We still have Go Ren, Armed & Ready, and Petal to the Metal."

"But they won't last long against a direct assault," said Rosey. "Those areas give us supplies and troops, but they have few fortifications. Unless it's a pyrrhic victory for the Black Order, if they win this battle, RUBES will be wiped out."

"It disturbs me how pessimistic you've become," said Peter.

"It's the truth," she said. "Optimism won't help us win, if it blinds us from seeing things how they are."

"She has a point," said Austin.

"That doesn't mean we can just give up!" Peter exclaimed.

"Who said anything about giving up?" Rosey asked. "We're still going to fight to the bitter end."

At last, the Black Order artillery started firing. The first few shells weren't very accurate, mostly hitting dirt and rocky outcrops. Still, one of them landed directly in a trench, blasting soldiers and equipment into the air. After that, the enemy artillery operators managed to fine tune the orientation to aim at the castles and fortifications. One shell hit the top of a tower, sending the upper third of it crumbling to the ground.

Meanwhile, the Black Order foot soldiers were starting to storm the lowermost trench.

"Colonel Cyanide, evacuate the outer trench and fall back," MacGregor called on the radio. "Aim the machine gun turrets at the artillery. If we lose our fortifications, we'll be sitting ducks to the gas!"

No response. "Cyanide, are you there?"

"Colonel Cyanide is dead, General," said a strange voice. "That shell hit his position. This is the backup radio station at the middle trench."

"Damnit, NO!" MacGregor shouted. "Who is this?"

"This is Sergeant Puzzarian Ideal," said the voice, straining to be heard over the gunfire and exploding shells.

"Then my order passes to you, Colonel Puzzarian," said MacGregor. "Get the lower trench evacuated, fall back, and concentrate all machine gun turrets on the enemy artillery. Hurry!"

"Yes, General. Thank you, General."

An explosion split the air behind MacGregor, startling him. Whipping around, he saw one of the Guns N' Roses artillery pieces in ruins. A few seconds later, an enemy shell destroyed another piece, with several other shells landing nearby.

"They're targeting our artillery!" he cried. He looked forward and saw that the machine gun turrets had taken out several Black Order artillery pieces, but it wasn't fast enough. The enemy still had more artillery than they did.

"We have no choice," Nitesco replied. "We must send the soldiers in the lower trench to attack the enemy artillery directly."

"We can't," said MacGregor. "They'll be massacred. It will be a bloodbath!"

"We have no choice," said Nitesco. "If we don't stop their artillery, they will destroy ours, demolish our fortifications, and gas us all to death. This will save far more lives."

"Very well," said MacGregor. Much as he hated it, Nitsesco was right. This was their only chance. He called on the radio again.

"Colonel Puzzarian, the previous order is countermanded. All troops from the lower trench are to charge the enemy artillery, and seize or destroy it at all hazard."

To MacGregor's surprise, Puzzarian did not complain. "Yes, General MacGregor. Those cannons will turn against the enemy, or they will burn. We will not fail."

Down in the evacuating lowest trench, someone is very brave. Or very foolish. Not much different, if we're being honest.

Puzzarian Ideal steeled his resolve. He knew this was likely a suicide mission, but this was his chance for glory. Odds of surviving the war were slim, so he might as well go out in a way that would save RUBES and cement him in the history books. And who knows, if he fought hard enough, maybe he'd survive!

"You heard the General," he told the troops. "We must stop that artillery. Capture it if we can, but destroy it if we must."

The soldiers looked uneasy. "This is suicide," one said. "We don't stand a chance," said another.

"Come on," said Puzzarian. "We do stand a chance. Our nation is as lovely as a rose, but with all the thorns! No matter how many times we're invaded, no one has broken our fierce highlander spirit! Those dogs and cats have nothing on us! As long as we show no fear, we cannot fail. They can't kill us if we kill them first. Now fix bayonets, and CHARGE!"

The soldiers gave a mighty battle cry as they readied their weapons, then charged at the Unauthorized Snuggles and Feline Utopia troops. Many were shot down immediately, but that did little to slow their attack. They continued to rush toward the enemy artillery, shooting and slashing anyone who got in their way.

Within minutes, Puzzarian reached the nearest Unauthorized Snuggles artillery piece. He shot two of the operators, and stabbed a third through the neck with his bayonet. His soldiers took care of the other three. Soon, they were rotating the gun to point at the Feline Utopia artillery a few dozen yards away.

"Take this!" Puzzarian shouted as he fired, demolishing an enemy cannon. He did not notice the figure behind him, slicing open his soldiers with her Shaska sword.

Puzzarian was about to fire again, but he felt something sharp poking his back. He turned around, and saw Tsarina pointing the guardless saber at him.

"Vat do you think you are doing?" she asked, though her body posture and tone of voice gave the impression that she wasn't really interested in discussion.

Puzzarian ducked as she swung, then tried to stab her from below the ribcage with his bayonet. She parried, and swung again. He blocked it with the barrel of his rifle.

They started swordfighting with the Shaska saber and the rifle bayonet. Puzzarian tried to get into a position to shoot her, but Tsarina would not allow it. Still, he was able to hold his own against her thrusts and slashes.

"Let this be known as the day that Puzzarian Ideal struck down the witch of the Black Order," he said.

"You are stubborn, but will die and be forgotten," Tsarina replied.

"If I die, I'm taking you with me!" Puzzarian shouted back. Their duel continued. Meanwhile, the Guns N' Roses soldiers from the outer trench had taken another artillery piece, and destroyed two others. Out of an initial twenty, only eight Black Order artillery pieces remained. Guns N' Roses still had seven out of twelve, not including the captured one.

At last, Puzzarian made a misstep, and Tsarina slashed him across the chest. He doubled over and cried out in pain.

Tsarina stood there and laughed. "My. Some hero you are."

A new rage and determination filled Puzzarian. While his enemy stood there laughing, he aimed his rifle at her and fired.

Unfortunately, it was too late. As he pulled the trigger, a knife plunged into his back, making him miss the shot.

"Sorry about the wait," said Generix, pulling the knife back out of Puzzarian's back and wiping it on his shirt. Behind him, the newly arrived Muppets troops were making short work of the Guns N' Roses troops who'd charged out of the trench.

"Velcome, my love," said Tsarina. She pulled Generix into an embrace and dipped him, kissing him deeply.

The Black Sphinx called out to them. "Get a room! And I DON'T mean the Command Tent!"

They separated. "Nice to see you too, Sphinx," said Generix.

"Well, yes," said Hoesack. "Not a moment too soon!"

"We are very glad you're here," said Sphinx. "This is indeed very fortunate timing. But please, keep the public displays of affection to a minimum."

Up at the Guns N' Roses fortifications

The RUBES commanders watched in horror as the tide turned against them once again. The desperate charge had been on the verge of capturing or destroying all the enemy artillery, but Generix and the Muppets army had showed up unexpectedly, outflanked the charging Guns N' Roses troops, and nearly wiped them out.

Now, the Black Order was shelling the last of the RUBES artillery to bits. They were taking some of the Black Order artillery with them, but it wasn't enough.

"I'm so sorry about this," said Nitesco. "I really thought that would work."

"Don't be," said Rosey. "If it weren't for their reinforcements, it would have."

"Our fortifications will be gone in minutes," said MacGregor. "As soon as the last of our artillery's gone, they'll blast this place to rubble and gas everyone."

"Then the only thing to do is send everyone to charge the enemy," said Austin. "They can't gas us if we're all mixed together. It will be a bloodbath, but we might be able to take the Black Order with us. I will join the attack."

"No," said Nitsesco. "This is not your nation, don't throw your life away for it. You and Peter need to get back to Armed & Ready, Petal to the Metal, and Go Ren. No more pitched battles, the Black Order is clearly superior in that aspect. We will not win that way."

"Then what must we do?" MacGregor asked. "I for one am staying here. This is my nation, I will do the most harm to the Black Order by staying here and defending it. And that is what I intend to do."

"And I," said Nitseco.

"I as well," said Rosey.

"But what will we do?" Austin asked. "Armed & Ready, Go Ren, and Petal to the Metal can't survive an assault like this, and we don't have enough troops to defeat them on the field."

"We won't," said Peter. "As Nitesco said, no more pitched battles. Our only hope is to leave everything behind, take everyone we can, and make a mad dash to the Anomaly Portal Connection Machine. Hopefully, we'll be able to outrun them and hold them off long to scrounge together a portal to an alternate timeline where we can summon help."

"Will that work?" Rosey asked. "That sounds awfully risky."

"It should," said Peter. "It's not as good what we originally planned, taking the ruins of the machine via traditional warfare and holding them until we can rebuild it completely, but this will have to do. The portal won't be permanent, but if we can keep it open long enough to connect to a timeline with a fully operating APCM, we will win the war."

"Then what are you waiting for?" Nitesco asked. "Go now, hurry! You need every second!"

"You're right," said Austin. "But shouldn't we say goodbye?"

"You can say hello again when you fix this mess," said Nitesco. "We'll hold them off as long as we can." He gave Austin a hug. "Now hurry! There's no time to lose!"

Peter and Austin saluted, then each left to grab a horse.

A Black Order shell hit the last Guns N' Roses artillery piece. More shells from the remaining five Black Order cannons began raining down on the stone fortifications.

"This is it," MacGregor said. "It's now or never!"

He, Nitseco, and Rosey all gripped each other's hands for a moment, then went to the innermost trench to lead them and those in the middle trench to charge. Behind them, a shell hit their ammunition supply, blasting their largest castle to oblivion.

As the Guns N' Roses soldiers all rose out of the trenches and charged, MacGregor realized someone was missing.

"Wait, where's Link?"

Why didn't you think of that earlier? Tanya's voice replied.

Why didn't you think of that? MacGregor thought back.

I'm in your head. How can I think of anything you can't?

The charging highland soldiers made for a spectacular and terrifying sight. But they were too late.

"Fire the gas!" Sphinx ordered. Long before they reached the Black Order lines, the shells full of sickly yellow fumes came raining down. None of the Guns N Roses soldiers had masks, they had given them all to the soldiers in the lower trench, who all died or were incapacitated when Muppets defeated their charge.

Within minutes, the entire Guns N' Roses army and leadership was lying on the hillside, twitching in agony and covered in blisters.

"We did it!" Sphinx shouted. He, Generix, Tsarina, and Hoesack held their hands up in the air while the troops cheered.

"Guns and Roses is no more!" Sphinx declared. "Now go finish them off! Tomorrow, we wipe their last and undefended ships from the map!" The troops cheered again, but a foghorn sounded in the background, drowning them out.

They all turned around, and their smiles turned to dread as they saw that their celebration was premature.

A troop transport and an aircraft carrier floated just a few miles away in the Crescent River, flying the banners of Arkos of Erusea.

Strike and Rosa flew from the aircraft carrier in new biplanes, and a squadron followed behind them. A ramp lowered from the troop transport, and an elephant and several horses walked out, followed by over a thousand ground troops.

Vulpix, Vaniellis, Celtic, Branwen, Generic, and even Metas and Exspiro sat atop the horses, while Blue Whale King rode the elephant. He held a trident in his hand, and wore a shiny Gold award and a newly redesigned Arkos Starfleet patch on his pristine uniform. The others were dressed in similar splendor, and were all armed to the teeth.

Up on the hillside, MacGregor, Nitesco, Rosey, and most of the Guns N' Roses troops started to stir. Soon, they would be pulling themselves up. Whatever additive was in the Mustard Gas at Snowflake Protection was not present this time, and they were still going to fight.

Sphinx, Tsarina, Generix, and Hoesack gulped as they saw that they were facing an attack on both sides.

Meanwhile, Link was finally getting out of bed in the last surviving building. His sleep deprivation was gone.

The Black Order was in for the worst fight in its life.