mybadtvhabit:

I’m not big on the auteur theory, so when I speak of the show Supernatural I’m not just referring to the product created by the writers or the creators and their original vision. I’m talking about all of those things smashed together along with the actors and the fans and pop culture and media - as if you dumped it all into some magical bag, shook it up, and then could see what color its aura was.

Supernatural may have been created by men, and may be populated with men, and it may kill-off many more female characters than it does men, and it may call a good portion of those females “bitches” when they happen to be portraying demons or vampires or other blood-thirsty monstrosities BUT (whether they know it or not) Supernatural exists for women, and women enjoy the shit out of it. Hear me out.

I realize our media is changing and our buddy cop shows are all co-ed now (or completely female!). I understand that a feminist report card for Supernatural would probably read “D-” with a comment like “grossly behind the times” or Misha Collin’s “gratuitously misogynistic” remark. I’m just attempting to point out that the grading methods for some of these assessments may be a bit too simplistic.

I’m a modern consumer of a 30 year span of entertainment. I’m a woman who was raised on mainstream, American media. I could fully identify with and empathize with a male character when I was three years old. I don’t have to wait until a woman walks on-screen to feel something. My eyes don’t brighten when boobs come out. I don’t think “oh look! Someone like me! Finally!” Similarly, I don’t cringe and pout every time a boobed character lets someone down, or gets called out, or is generally…grumpy (I so wanted to say “bitchy”) because that character is not always acting like me, thinking what I’d think, or doing what I’d do. Though I’ve always been aware that my gender is literally the first thing you would use to describe me, it’s not what I’ve been using to define myself all this time. I’m a complex person. Every woman I know is a complex person, most of them completely unlike me. And I think it may do more damage than good to point out inequalities in on-screen boob time or representation and tell all women that because of our gender we should react negatively to this decision.

Here is my question: If there is already a perfect Supernatural character for me to identify with - should I feel slighted because that character isn’t a female? This character is judged by strangers the way I am, attempts to solve problems the way I do, feels conflicted, hides pain, has angry outbursts, and struggles to simplify life the way I do. Sadly, I can also sympathize because this character is often presumed dumb and is on the receiving end of a really striking amount of eye-rolls. But at the same time, this character is really beautifully written and acted, and I can’t bring myself to resent the fact that he’s played by a man.

It’s time to face the facts, world. Dean Winchester is a freakin’ woman.

Now of course I run the huge risk of generalizing when I lay my case out for this, so I’ll lead with the most scientific argument I have, and then shoot off into the no-(wo?)mans-land of stereotypes, later. It is a fact that a majority of women of childbearing age experience a cycle of hormonal fluctuations as consistent as the tides. This is a major player in the difference between men and women but no one really wants to talk about it. (So seriously, why are we fucking discussing the overuse of “bitch” on TV while we let the whole period shame thing slide? But I digress). So the hormones are going from low tide to high but we’re not supposed to warn the swimmers. One day you’re fine, and the next day a commercial with a puppy and an old woman might bring a hot sting of tears to your eyes for one split second. Pile on top of that the shit-stress of everyday life, and you could find yourself reduced to tears and punching a wall because you just stubbed your toe and it was the last fucking straw. But we generally keep it together because we’re supposed to. Personally, when I can keep it in I’m winning and when I let it out I’m failing and I always have to keep working towards that even keel because I know that it’s no secret that I’m a chick so people are on high-alert for some sort of erratic behavior.

So the moment Dean Winchester gets on screen, flexes his jaw and twitches his lip, 99% of womankind are like “Oh, I feel you, bro.” Leading up to it he was probably being a macho jerk, but damn, that boy can act. A second later he gets reminded of some deep emotional trauma, and we watch him mentally beat it down, back into the pit of his soul, flinching almost imperceptibly, but just enough to give the high-tiders a sympathetic burst of warmth in their chest.

Then he gets called “pretty-boy” and “Ken doll” by jealous guys who want to act like his good looks and emphasis on his appearance and car mean he’s dumb. Then he attempts to bury his anxiety in some pie. Then we’re reminded that he was basically Sammy’s mom, and that sometimes he tries to fix things with food and that he’s going to die for his family a whole bunch of times and not even be rewarded with the temporary solace of Sammy’s soul-less arc. But that’s good! If Dean had lost his soul then the womens would have lost their perfect vessel. I’m sure many of us wouldn’t have known what exactly went wrong. One day we’d probably just wake up and realize we were only tuning-in for Crowley’s accent and the nostalgia of Bobby calling us an “idjut”.

Finally, (and I originally didn’t want to slip into Destiel territory) as if Supernatural had realized what it had done, they went ahead and had the big (BEAUTIFUL) warrior angel fall in love with Dean (and also vicariously me, and all womankind). Sleigh me now. It’s not just some trite physical attraction or hormonal response to all of his bravado. Nope. It’s the ultimate double-whammy of tragic predestination - macho-man <3 angel-man. It’s brilliant. The same-sex / angels-are-sexless combination allows it to be mutual and yet unrequited in both directions, while also highlighting the fact that this all-powerful, celestial being who could be anywhere with anyone at any time ends up having a major hard-on for Dean’s soul. Finally, someone likes the pretty-boy for what’s on the inside. *lip twitch / jaw flex of emotion*

Has this heart-stomping subtext been snuck in for the mens? Neigh, it be for the ladies. We’ve all read the studies. Men are visual and women need their porn to have a plot. The secret love-story plot porn in Supernatural is of exponentially better quality than any of the dramedies currently Titanic-ing their way through theaters with women at their helms. I want to stand up and applaud. But wait, I’m supposed to be upset that my screen is graced with 95% man-candy instead of a fine, fair and equal dose of both sets of reproductive organs.

If Dean had been written as a girl, he and Cas would have been banging by season six. Instead the show wrote itself into some kind of devil’s trap where even the inkling of a Dean/Cas kiss would trigger the launch of a great and powerful jumping of the shark. Part of me hopes that the writers can figure out a way to kick a hole in the salt, but the rest of me is content to accept that maybe this love-story is so cosmic that it ascends any kind of sexual attraction whatsoever, and that Dean and Cas will simply be best bros for all eternity.

Plus, it leaves an important task for the writers of fan-fiction. If you’ve learned nothing else from Supernatural, let me iterate a key point - there is nothing more comforting than pie and angel!kink fan-fiction.

Sorry, I got a bit waylaid by destiel. In closing - no - I’m not sad about how Supernatural is written. I don’t want more women for the sake of women. There’s no gaping hole for a woman to fill at this moment, unless they’re thinking about throwing a bone to all the guys who want to see fine ladies once in awhile. Don’t bother, Supernatural. They can suck it up and buy a Maxim. You just keep supplying us with pretty man characters doing horrible things to other pretty men with Dean Winchester feeling conflicted about all of it and you’ll be doing fine by me.