On Wednesday, U.S. Soccer rolled out these bizarre 2015 World Cup wierdos for the USWNT up top, featuring lime green grass stains airbrushed onto the shin guards. Cool? Notably, they don’t include a stitch of red or blue. Is there rioting yet? I’m imagining riots.

U.S. Soccer’s uni patterns have gotten increasingly prosaic, from the classic thin red stripes to the sash to the waldos to the blue printer toner we have now. The notable exception was the centennial kits with the greatest badge ever. Luckily for us, the desire to see those on U.S. jerseys hasn’t died. By a long shot.

Matthew Wolff is a graphic designer for NYCFC, which notably did not use his awesome crest design that’s way better than the one they ultimately used. This week, he turned his attention to U.S. national team jerseys, and he may have crafted the best ones of all time. Seriously. All time. These are incredible.

Dear Matthew,

If I put a bundle of unmarked bills in an envelope bound for your desk, can you have one each of these manufactured and sent to my address? If necessary I can also beat up a bully from your past and force him to write you a formal apology, or maybe I can throw some money down for gas or something. I’m pretty desperate.

Thank you. You are an American hero.

Will