It's finally happened. It's the Whoopularity. Their reality has finally lapped our satire, self deception has reached escape velocity, they've flown up their own ass, the mythology has achieved a density from which not even light can escape.

First, the premise:

Despite Baylor and TCU having more success last season, and Baylor being more successful over the past two seasons, Texas A&M is the premiere program in the state.

Because, if you're going to ignore what words mean, like wins determining who comes first, it's best to go with French.

It's more than just wins and losses.

Well yeah, when you can't win a conference game at home, I guess it would have to be. But, since we're ignoring the last two seasons, let's look at the decade prior to that. 46 losses in ten years? Batting .619? Money.

A&M first of all is set to lead the nation in attendance this year. That's big, and our fanbase is massive.

Yes, which is why they leave a massive void.

We also just signed a multi million dollar deal with Adidas.

Look, I know Texas hasn't been part of the MNC convo since the last time Adam Sandler was funny, but ... Run DMC?

A&M plays on national TV each week, sometimes on CBS, which translates into a lot of eyeballs and TV ratings making them a national brand.

I'll pause here while you, dear reader, remember how to breathe. If there's a name that's on every teenager's lips, it's "Verne Lundquist."

Then there is recruiting. We continue to dominate recruiting rankings which validates what our program has become and shows that recruits want to be here. I feel like recruiting is HUGE when it comes to the influence and footprint of a program, because it either validates or rejects what your program is.

If this is your idea of domination, it's no wonder you're speaking French.

The fact that we are doing so well in recruiting PROVES that our program is a big one that the best want to be associated with. If Baylor and TCU were truly marquee programs they would be pulling in the state's top recruits.

Jarrett Stidham furrows his brow, jots down a quick note, and passes it to Patrick Hudson. Each nods sagely at the other. But Maurice Porter does not need to read it. He already knows. Honor will be served. Perhaps not today. But soon.

Baylor and TCU may have had 11 and 12 win seasons, conference titles, and played in a big bowl, but they aren't A&M. They don't have the fanbase, they don't have the attendance, they don't play on the big networks and have the TV ratings and aren't big TV draws which makes them a regional brand at best. They also lack the recruiting pull that A&M has.

Big brand. Big recruiting. Nothing to show for it. It's almost as if Texas A&M aspires to the overpriced suckfultudinosity that Texas is trying to leave behind.

I would compare it to the iPhone.

Oh, dear God, no.

Texas A&M is the iPhone - a big brand. We always hear about how new phones are "iPhone Killers" but never kill the iPhone. While these iPhone killers may be more impressive pieces of technology that are more powerful and functional …

Yes, her ex-boyfriend is 6' 3", just sold his second company, looks like Flash Gordon, is hung like a fire hose and screws like a house afire, but she doesn't really miss him. She loves you, dude. Everyone says so.

… the iPhone still outsells them big time. Baylor and TCU are those iPhone killers. They may be better on the field, but in the big picture, adding in factors like attendance and recruiting and TV ratings, they don't stack up. Texas A&M is the brand name.

Deloss Dodds, line one.

I'd rather win 8 games every year and yet be tops in the nation in attendance, recruiting, and national recognition, than win 11 games and have limited appeal. It's more about wins/losses, its about the program's footprint as a whole which is more than just wins and losses.

You know, I can see a team winning only 8 games a year. Rarely getting to a conference championship game. Never playing for an MNC. And, therefore, never winning an MNC. And I can see that attendance dwindling, the national recognition fading. I can see that, because I've seen it before. It wasn't pretty. Hell, I'm not even sure it was human. But I've seen Arkansas*, and if you'll excuse my French, I'm getting a serious feeling of déjà vu.

* my bad, Arkansas is averaging 7 wins a season over the last decade. Bill Little regrets the error.