I Like My Men

Like I Like My…

BRAS – Strapping. Supportive. Always near my boobs.

CHEESE – Sharp. Good with wine. Easily molded.

TV SETS – Modern. Always turned on. With a warranty.

BOOKS – Novel. Unpredictable. With a spine.

LIGHT BULBS – Efficient. Bright. On sale at Walgreens.

CARPETS – Stylish. Rugged. Lets me walk all over them.

PILLOWS – Firm. In excess. In my bed.

BABIES – Adorable. Potty-trained. With a nice crib.

SWEATPANTS – Warm. Resilient. Covered in cookie crumbs.

TAXIS – Clean. Safe. Willing to go to Brooklyn.

FLIGHTS – Smooth. Minimal baggage. With an emergency exit plan.

MIRRORS – Reflective. Full-length. Sees me for who I am.

FLOORS – Polished. Grounded. Underneath me.

KNIVES – Easy to handle. Clean-cut. In the kitchen.

SUNGLASSES – Cute. Protective. Easily Replaceable.

THESAURUS – Resourceful. Good with words. Magniloquent.

UBERS – Friendly. Convenient. Comes quickly.

FILMS – Funny. Original. Contains offensive language and adult situations.

SALADS – Wholesome. Well-dressed. Will lettuce be happy together.

EMPIRE STATE BUILDING – Classic. Distinguished. Indefinitely erect.

RELIGIONS – Philanthropic. Faithful. Interested in all kinds of sects.

TWEETS – Witty. Found online. Full of character.

BRAIN SURGERY – Complex. Open-minded. Faces problems head-on.

U.S. GOVERNMENT – Progressive. Diverse. Relatively debt-free.

WINE – Perfectly aged. On a case-by-case basis. In the cellar.

FACEBOOK WALL – Candid. Likable. Without babies.

KEYBOARD – Silent type. Writes letters. Gives me space.

SUN – Hot. Punctual. Always goes down.