It seems like just 204 days ago we were watching Amazon’s second batch of pilots and giving them snap judgments along with the Amazon users being conscripted into helping choose what would live and what would die. And now we’re back! Three comedies and two dramas again, a variety of talents, and a wide range of qualities. Let’s do this.

Red Oaks

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Logline: “A coming-of-age comedy set in the ‘go-go’ 80s about a college student enjoying a last hurrah before summer comes to an end — and the future begins.” 31 minutes, TV-MA.

Pedigree: Executive produced by Steven Soderbergh, directed by David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express, Eastbound & Down, George Washington), written by Gregory Jacobs (Soderbergh’s longtime assistant director) and Joe Gangemi (Stonehearst Asylum). [4/4]

Star Power: The cast is mostly, delightfully made of unknowns/non-brand-name actors. (Ennis Esmer, for example, comes from Canada’s The Listener, which just finished a five-season run; he is a revelation.) Submarine’s Craig Roberts stars, with Dirty Dancing’s Jennifer Grey as his mom (flawless ’80s touch) and Richard Kind (Spin City, everything) as his dad. Paul Reiser shows up for two scenes as a slightly John McEnroe–ish tennis player. [2/4]

Gut Reaction: An incredibly confident, polished, movie-ish dramedy set at a New Jersey country club in 1985. The way it handles the ’80s is both undistracting and aesthetically pleasing. Not exactly revolutionary material — very Freaks and Geeks x Wet Hot American Summer x The Graduate — but it’s a blast. Comes with the requisite woolly stoner (Project X/Californication’s Oliver Cooper) and one (1) new Wooderson (MADtv/That ’70s Show’s Josh Meyers). Lots of well-shot tennis, and perfect ’80s jams from the likes of Loosely Tight, Billy Squier, Roger Hodgson, and Billy Ocean. [5/5]

Odds This Series Could Offer a Worthwhile Return on Your Precious TV-Time Investment: 2/2

Total Score: 13/15

The Cosmopolitans

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Logline: “A dramatic comedy about a group of young American expats in Paris searching for love and friendship and an ocean of distance from their past.” 27 minutes, TV-14.

Pedigree: Written, directed, and produced by indie filmmaker Whit Stillman (Metropolitan, Barcelona, The Last Days of Disco, Damsels in Distress). [3/4]

Star Power: Chloë Sevigny and Adam Brody. (Newbie Carrie MacLemore is worth looking out for.) [2/4]

Gut Reaction: By far the most cinematic of the bunch, with the pilot presented, avec fancy credits, as “Chapter One.” The Paris setting is alluring, and the anxieties of expatriates are mined for prolonged, art house–friendly back-and-forths … but something about this project feels oddly impenetrable, or lost, plot- or character-wise. And it’s hard determining how smart a show actually is when it’s so busy showing you how smart it thinks it is. [3/5]

Odds This Series Could Offer a Worthwhile Return on Your Precious TV-Time Investment: 1/2

Total Score: 9/15

Hand of God

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Logline: “A psychological drama about a morally-corrupt judge who suffers a breakdown and believes God is compelling him onto a path of vigilante justice.” 78 (!) minutes, TV-MA.

Pedigree: Directed by Marc Forster (World War Z, Monster’s Ball, Finding Neverland), penned by Burn Notice screenwriter Ben Watkins. [2/4]

Star Power: Ron Perlman (Sons of Anarchy, Hellboy) is here, although he doesn’t seem to be loving it. His wife is Dana Delany, of Desperate Housewives and Body of Proof. Garret Dillahunt (No Country for Old Men, Deadwood, Raising Hope) has a meaty supporting role, as does Pretty Little Liars alum Julian Morris. Andre “Bubbles from The Wire” Royo plays Perlman’s best friend, the mayor. [3/4]

Gut Reaction: Confusing and confused about what it wants to be. Also manipulative and gross. Perlman’s hazy, born-again millionaire judge — already a poor casting fit — cranks the antihero exhaustion as high as it can go. Judge Pernell Harris is worse than the worst — and finding out whether he’s suffering from mental illness or carrying out God’s actual plan couldn’t possibly make a difference. [1/5]

Odds This Series Could Offer a Worthwhile Return on Your Precious TV-Time Investment: 0/2

Total Score: 6/15

Really

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Logline: “A funny, honest, behind-the-curtain look at the psychological and emotional complexities of marriage and the charged dynamics of a tight-knit group of friends grasping on to what’s left of their youth.” 28 minutes, TV-MA.

Pedigree: Written, directed, and executive produced by Jay Chandrasekhar, of Broken Lizard (Super Troopers, Club Dread, Beerfest). He also directed an Amazon pilot in the last round, The Rebels. It was not good. [2/4]

Star Power: Other than Chandrasekhar, who also stars, we’ve got Selma Blair (Cruel Intentions, Anger Management) and Sarah Chalke (Scrubs, Roseanne) being totally misused. Hayes MacArthur is no star, but it’s worth noting he starred in NBC’s almost-this-bad Perfect Couples. Comedian Rob Delaney has an unfortunate cameo. [1/4]

Gut Reaction: I can complain for like 250 words or I can just rattle off a list of almost everything that’s awful: overbearing wives, blow job bargaining, snoring jokes, adult bros who go “bitch loves to hit the pipe” when their wives join the smoking circle, dinner parties where people say things like “reality television is an American disaster,” adult bros spending entire evenings talking about how hot each others’ wives are, women who respond to “that’s racist” with “I married a brown guy, so I get a free pass.” [0/5]

Odds This Series Could Offer a Worthwhile Return on Your Precious TV-Time Investment: 0/2

Total Score: 3/15

Hysteria

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Logline: “An investigative thriller about a haunted young doctor who is summoned back to her hometown to investigate an epidemic that may be linked to social media — and her own tragic past.” 52 minutes, TV-MA.

Pedigree: Directed by Otto Bathurst (Black Mirror, Criminal Justice) and written by Shaun Cassidy, whose patchy résumé includes Blue Bloods and an ABC one-season-er, Invasion. [1/4]

Star Power: Mena Suvari … ? [0/4]

Gut Reaction: Set in Austin, this one’s about the members of a high school dance team coming down with a mysterious spasming condition. Others quickly start contracting the same thing by watching a video. Competently put together, but there are almost no memorable characters or scenes, and there’s way too much footage of a teenage girl having a violent seizure. Could build into something, but the pilot’s dull and opaque. [1/5]

Odds This Series Could Offer a Worthwhile Return on Your Precious TV-Time Investment: 1/2

Total Score: 3/15

That’s it! Go watch ’em yourself, or just start counting the days till we can see more of Red Oaks and The Cosmopolitans. (Or, better yet, Jill Soloway’s Transparent, from Amazon’s second wave of pilots. That one’s dropping a 10-episode debut season on September 26.)