ALRIGHT, YOU GUYSTHIS IS IT ! WHEN THE ATTACK BEGINS ALL WARRIORS CLICK ON"DEFENSIVE STANCE" EVERYONE ELSE WAIT FOR CRAIGTO CAST HIS INTELLECT BUFF. OKAY ! GOT IT ! THE BATTLEIS SURE TO BE LONG SO MAKE SURE YOU ALL HAVEYOUR SPECIAL ABILITIES MACRO'D TO YOUR KEYBOARDS. ALRIGHT, ERIC, YOU CANC-C-C-COUNT ON US. TIMMY ! THIS SHALL BE A DAYFOR ALL TO REMEMBER ! LET US BRAVELY CHARGETHE FIELDS OF AZEROTH ! FROM WHICH-HEY FELLAS ! BOY, THIS ISNEAT-O HUH ? BUTTERS, WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING ? I GOT WORLD OF WARCRAFTLIKE YOU SAID. YOU CAN'T BE THE DWARFCHARACTER, BUTTERS, I'M THE DWARF. WUL, THERE'S ONLY LIKEFOUR RACES TO CHOOSE FROM ! SO PICK ANOTHER ONE- I'M THE DWARF YOUSTUPID ASSHOLE. LOG OUT, CREATEA NEW CHARACTERAND LOG BACK IN ! I LIKE "HELLO KITTYISLAND ADVENTURE" A LOT MORE THANTHIS STUFF... COME ON,LET'S DO THIS ! YEAH, MY MOM SAYS HAVE TOBE IN BED AT 9:30 ! THEN, LET'S MOVE OUT ! ARRRH !ARRRH !ARRRH ! AGHGH ! AHGGH !AGHGH !AGHGH ! LOOK, THERE HE IS !EVERYONE HOLD ! HE'S TARGETING US ! PREPARE TO CHARGE ! SCROLL OVER HIM WITHYOUR MOUSE CURSORS... AND... RIGHT CLICK ! ARRRH !ARRRH !ARRRH ! WHAT THE-- ! OH JESUS,HE SUMMONED SCORPIONS ! ( all yelling ) ARRGH,I'M BURNING ! OH JESUS, I'M BURNING ! KENNY'S DOWN...KENNY IS DOWN ! AAHGH ! BUT I'M GONNAPOOP IN MY PANTS ! IKE, LOOK OUT ! AAHGG, KYLE ! ALRIGHT CLYDE, HIT HIMWITH YOUR CROSSBOW ! HIT HIM NOW, CLYDE ! CLYDE ?! CLYDE ! Clyde, you asshole ! GODDAMMIT,WE LOST CLYDE ! HEY STAN, CAN I PLAYWITH YOU GUYS ? DAD ? YEAH, I'M PLAYINGFROM THE OFFICE. DAD GET OFF OFFOUR TEAMSPEAK LINE ! UGHNNN... THAT'S IT I'M DEAD. UUGHNN ! THAT'S IT,SCREW THIS GAME. NO... GET IT OFF...GODDDD.... GOD F---KING DAMMIT ! OH JESUS...OH GOD NO... WHAT ? HE'S JUST FINISHED KILLINGEVERY SINGLE PLAYER IN THE ARATHI HIGHLANDS. HOW MANY PEOPLE'SCHARACTERS WERE IN THERE ? OVER FIVE THOUSAND. THERE ARE OVERSEVEN MILLION PEOPLE WHO LOG ON TOWORLD OF WARCRAFT ! ARE YOU TELLING ME ALL THOSE PEOPLE'S CHARACTERSARE GOING TO DIE AND THERE'S NOTHINGWE CAN DO TO SAVE THEM ?! YES... AND ITWON'T BE LONG BEFORE EVERYONE GETS REALLY,REALLY FRUSTRATED AND STOPSPLAYING ALTOGETHER. GENTLEMEN... THIS COULDVERY WELL LEAD TO THE END OF THE WORLD...OF WARCRAFT. NO ! NOOO !

WHAT THE HELLARE YOU GUYS DOING ? DON'T TELL ME YOU ALL QUITPLAYING WORLD OF WARCRAFT, TOO ! DUDE, WE'RE DONE. WE'RE SICK OF GETTINGKILLED ALL THE TIME. GUYS WHEN THINGS LOOK BAD, YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE UPON THE WORLD... OF WARCRAFT. WE DON'T HAVEA CHOICE DUDE. THAT GUY KILLED OURCHARACTERS 14 TIMES ! I HAVE A SOLUTION,YOU GUYS. THAT GUY CANKILL US SO EASILY BECAUSE HE'SA SUPER-HIGH LEVEL, RIGHT ? BUT IF WE WERESUPER-HIGH LEVEL TOO... WE CAN'T GETTO A HIGHER LEVEL BECAUSE THAT DUDE DOESN'TLET US FINISH QUESTS ! THAT'S WHY WE NEED TOJUST LOG IN, AND STAY IN THE FOREST...KILLING BOARS. BOARS ? THERE ARE LOTS OFCOMPUTER-GENERATED BOARS THAT DIE WITHJUST ONE BLOW. DUDE, BOARS ARE ONLY WORTHTWO EXPERIENCE POINTS A PIECE ! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANYWE WOULD HAVE TO KILL TO GET UP30 LEVELS ? YES...65,340,285. WHICH SHOULD TAKE US7 WEEKS, 5 DAYS, 13 HOURS AND 20 MINUTES- GIVING OURSELVES3 HOURS A NIGHT TO SLEEP. WHAT DO YOU SAY, GUYS ? YOU CAN JUST HANG OUTSIDEALL DAY IN THE SUN ALL DAY TOSSING A BALL AROUND, OR YOU CAN SITAT YOUR COMPUTER AND DO SOMETHINGTHAT MATTERS... ♪ LIVE TO WIN ♪ 'TIL YOU DIE ♪ 'TIL THE LIGHT'SOUT IN YOUR EYE ♪ ♪ LIVE TO WIN ♪ TAKE IT ALL ♪ JUST KEEP FIGHTING'TIL YOU FALL ♪ ♪ DAY BY DAYKICK IT ALL THE WAY ♪ ♪ I'M NOT CAVIN' IN ♪ THEN ANOTHER ROUNDBEGINS ♪ ♪ LIVE TO WIN ♪ YEAHHH ♪ LIVE ♪ YEAHHH ♪ WIN SIR, YOU BETTERHAVE A LOOK AT THIS. FOUR OF OUR SUBSCRIBERS. THEY'VE GONE UPFIFTY LEVELS INTHREE WEEKS ! MY GOD... THEY MUST HAVENO LIVES AT ALL ! A HOPE ? A CHANCE... ♪ LIVE TO WIN ♪ 'TIL YOU DIE ♪ 'TIL THE LIGHT'SOUT IN YOUR EYE... ♪ DUDE,MY MOUSE-CLICKING FINGER HURTS. KEEP CLICKING, KYLE,YOU CAN DO IT ! ♪ ... JUST KEEP FIGHTING'TIL YOU FALL ♪ ♪ DAY BY DAYKICK IT ALL THE WAY ♪ ♪ I'M NOT CAVIN' IN ♪ THEN ANOTHER ROUNDBEGINS ♪ ♪ LIVE TO WIN ♪ YEAHHH ♪ LIVE ♪ YEAHHH ♪ WIN ♪

WE TOOKA CAB HERE ! DAMMIT, MINE'SIN THE SHOP ! HEY- HELP, STOP ! PLEASE, IT'SAN EMERGENCY ! UGHN ! COME ON ! NELSON... NELSON ! I NEED TO COME OVERAND USE YOUR COMPUTER ! NO, I NEED TO PLAYWORLD OF WARCRAFT ! NELSON ? ( chips crunching ) ALRIGHT, MAJOR STONE SHIELDPOTIONS SHOULD BE- OH GOD, I'M GONNAHAVE DIARRHEA AGAIN. URHGGH... YOU CAN'T GOTO THE BATHROOM, YOUR STACKINGSUNDOR ARMOR. IT'S OKAY- MOM, BATHROOM ! What, hon ?BATHROOM ! BATHROOM ! OH-HO, THAT'SA BIG BOY, ISN'T HE ? ALRIGHT, KENNY DRINK YOURELIXIR OF THE MONGOOSE, I AM NOW GOING TOUSE MOCKING BLOW... WORLD OF WARCRAFT,I NEED TO PLAY ! OUR DEMO IS SET UPRIGHT OVER BY THE-- AGH ! GOT TO...SIGN IN... CHARACTER NAME...ALRIGHT, I'M IN ! DUDE, I'M ALMOST DEAD. KYLE, CASTARCANE MISSILES ! I'M OUT OF MANA,I TOLD YOU ! I'VE GOT TO HEAL ! STANN ! DAD, NOT NOW ! STAN, I'VE BEEN SENT HERETO BRING YOU THIS... THIS SWORD CAN COMPLETELYDRAIN HIS MANA ! DAD, HOW DIDYOU GET THAT ? NO TIME,JUST TAKE IT ! HERE ! HOW- HOW DO YOUHAND SOMETHING FROM ONE PLAYERTO ANOTHER ? BRING UP YOURINVENTORY SCREEN-CONTROL-I ! OKAY... STAN WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING ? I GOT IT !AAGHGH ! DADDD !STANNN... DAD NO ! YOU KILLED MY FATHER... AAGH !UGHH ! HIS SHIELD AND ARMORSPELLS ARE DOWN ! ATTACK ! LOOKS LIKE YOU'REABOUT TO GET PWNED. RARHGHGH ! DAD, DAD ? STANN... I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLETO SAY THIS BEFORE BUT... I LOVE YOU, SON. I KNOW YOU DO, DAD. ARGHGH, ARHGHGGH.... ARGHGH... ARHGHGH... THEY DID IT ! OUR WORLDIS SAVED ! THEY DID IT,THEY KILLED HIM ! THEY DID IT !THEY KILLED HIM ! WE CAN COME OUT !ALRIGHT ! YES !ALRIGHT !YEAH ! ALRIGHT.YEAH.WOO HOO. WE DID IT, YOU GUYSWE'RE TOTALLY HEROES. THAT WAS SUCHUBER-PWNAGE. I CAN'T BELIEVEIT'S ALL OVER. WHAT DOWE DO NOW ? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? NOW WE CAN FINALLYPLAY THE GAME. OH YEAH. OKAY, KENNY ADDEYES OF THE BEAST TO YOUR HOTBAR. STAN CHECK YOUR FURY TALENTSTO BOOST YOUR SHOUTS...

OH DUDE... I JUST TOOKTHE BIGGEST CRAP ! HEY, WHERE AREYOU GUYS ? WE'RE OVER HERE,BY THE CART ! OKAY, I'M BACK. DUDE, WE'VE BEENWAITING FOREVER ! WELL I'M SORRY,I HAD TO TAKE A DUMP ! IF YOU DIDN'TEAT SO MUCH YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DIARRHEAALL THE TIME, FAT ASS. HEY, I DON'T NEED TOTAKE ANY LIP FROM A FRICKIN' GIRL ! ( mumbling )I THINK KENNY HAS SWEET-- HA, HA, TOTALLY ! ( Kyle )COME ON, WE HAVE TOFINISH THE QUEST IN STONEHAVEN. STAN ? STAN ? HANG ON GUYS,MY DAD WANTS SOMETHING. STANNN ! WHAT ! YOU'VE BEEN ON YOURCOMPUTER ALL WEEKEND ! SHOULDN'T YOU GO OUT ANDSOCIALIZE WITH YOUR FRIENDS ? I AM SOCIALIZING, R-TARD ! I'M LOGGED ON TOAN M-M-O-R-P-G WITH PEOPLE FROMALL OVER THE WORLD AND GETTING X-P WITHMY PARTY USING TEAMSPEAK. I'M NOT AN R-TARD... ALRIGHT,SORRY GUYS. SO WHERE TO NOW ? SEE WHERE I AM-IT'S THIS WAY. YEAH, COME ON,LET'S GO. RIGHT-CLICK ON ME TO FOLLOW. I AM THE MIGHTIEST DWARFIN ALL OF AZEROTH ! WOW, LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLEPLAYING RIGHT NOW ! YEAH, IT'S BULLCRAP. I'LL BET HALF OFTHESE PEOPLE ARE KOREANS. OH CRAP, IT'STHAT GUY AGAIN ! WHO IS THIS ? THIS IS THE GUYTHAT KEPT KILLING US LAST NIGHT AFTERYOU WENT TO BED ! GET OUTTA HERE, ASSHOLE ! HE'S A WAY HIGHERLEVEL THAN US ! IT ISN'T FAIR ! IT'S ALRIGHT,HE CAN'T KILL US UNLESS WE AGREE TO DUEL. AHHHG... UGHN ! OH MY GOD,HE KILLED KENNY ! YOU BASTARD ! AHGHGH ! UUUGHNNN ! DON'T YOU HAVEBETTER THINGS TO DO THAN GOING ONLINE,KILLING PEOPLE ? NO, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO START OVERAT THE GRAVEYARD, NO ! CRAP ! THAT SON OF A BITCH ! WHO IS THAT GUY ? WHOEVER HE IS, HE IS ONE TOUGHBAD ASS.

YEAH, WE BOUGHT YOUR GAME,AND PLAY IT ONLINE. BUT EVERY TIMEWE LOG IN SOME OTHER PLAYERCOMES IN AND KILLS US. OH, THAT SHOULDN'T HAPPEN. WE DESIGNEDTHE GAME SO THAT PLAYERS HAVE TO AGREETO A DUEL BEFORE THEY CANKILL EACH OTHER. YEAH, WELL THIS GUYDOES IT ANYWAY ! HE'S A GOD DAMNBUTTHOLE ! REALLY, THAT'S ODD- -more people calling in about their charactersgetting killed. OH, NO. WELL, WE'LL CERTAINLYKEEP A LOOKOUT FOR THAT PLAYER AND BAN HIMFROM THE NETWORK. Better tellthe guys upstairs ! FELLOW BOARD MEMBERS,WE HAVE A PROBLEM. SOMEBODY IN THEWORLD OF WARCRAFT IS IGNORINGTHE WORLD'S RULES... AND IS GOING AROUNDKILLING INNOCENT PLAYERS. WHY KILLINNOCENT PLAYERS ? THE GAME IS ABOUTFINISHING QUESTS. WE'VE GOT TO DELETE HIMFROM THE SERVERS. WE CAN'T. WHOEVER THIS PLAYER IS, HE'S PLAYED"WORLD OF WARCRAFT" SO MUCH, THAT HE HAS REACHED A LEVELWE THOUGHT UNREACHABLE... HE IS ACTUALLY ABLETO KILL OUR ADMINS AND HE GROWS STRONGEREVERY DAY. JESUS, I'VE GOT TOGET HOME ! MY KIDS ARE PLAYINGWORLD OF WARCRAFT,RIGHT NOW ! JIM... YOUR KIDS CHARACTERSARE ALREADY DEAD. NO... NO... THEY JUSTSTARTED PLAYING ! WHAT KIND OF PERSONWOULD DO THIS ? ONLY ONE KIND-WHOEVER THIS PERSON IS HE HAS PLAYEDWORLD OF WARCRAFT NEARLY EVERY HOUROF EVERY DAY FOR THE PASTYEAR AND A HALF. GENTLEMEN, WE ARE DEALINGWITH SOMEONE HERE WHO... HAS ABSOLUTELYNO LIFE. HOW DO YOU KILL...THAT WHICH HAS NO LIFE ?

NOT NOW, NELSON, I JUST JOINEDA BIG PARTY OF NIGHT ELVES AND WE'RE GOING TO EXPLORETHE TOWER OF AZORA TOGETHER. IS THATA COMPUTER GAME ? NO, R-TARD,IT'S AN M-M-O-R-P-G. THESE ARE REAL PEOPLEI'M PLAYING WITH, SEE ? I'M A HUNTER, LEVEL 2. I CAN CHAT WITH ALLTHESE OTHER PEOPLE. I CAN EVEN WAVETO THIS GUY - SEE ? HELLO ! IN THE OUTSIDE WORLDI'M A SIMPLE GEOLOGIST. BUT IN HERE... I AM FALCORN,DEFENDER OF THE ALLIANCE. I HAVE BRAVEDTHE FARGODEEP MINE, DEFEATED THE BLOODFISHAT JEROD'S LANDING-- ARRRGHHH ! HM, LOOKS LIKE THAT GUYJUST KILLED YOU. WHAT ?! WHY ? WHY ?!

SOME GIANT BUTTHOLE KEEPSLOGGING ONTO WARCRAFT AND KILLINGALL OUR CHARACTERS. THE PAST FOUR NIGHTSWE'VE TRIED TO PLAY HE SHOWS UPAND KILLS US ! HE KILLED MY CHARACTER RIGHT IN THE MIDDLEOF A QUEST ! MINE TOO ! Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRALWE'VE LEARNED THAT CAN'T FIGHT HIM ALONE. BUT IF WE ALLLOG IN TOGETHER WE MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE. HEY, YEAH ! WE CAN REALLY STICK ITTO THAT ASS MUNCH. ARE YOU GUYS DUMB ? WE CAN'T BEAT HIM,EVEN WITH ALL OF US. IT'S A WASTE OF TIME. DUDE, WE HAVE TO TRY. I'VE GOT BETTERTHINGS TO DO. CLYDE, CLYDE ! IF YOU HAD A CHANCE RIGHT NOWTO GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP HITLER,WOULDN'T YOU DO IT ? I MEAN, I PERSONALLYWOULDN'T STOP HIM CUZ I THINK HE WAS AWESOME,BUT YOU WOULD, RIGHT ? I'M JUST GONNASTOP PLAYING. WHEN HITLER ROSE TO POWERTHERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO JUST 'STOPPED PLAYING'. YOU KNOW WHOTHOSE PEOPLE WERE ? THE FRENCH. ARE YOUFRENCH, CLYDE ? NO. VOULEZ VOUS COUCHER AVEC MOI, CLYDE ? ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT,I'LL DO IT ! SO WHAT'STHE P-P-PLAN ? ALRIGHT, LOG IN TONIGHTFROM YOUR COMPUTERS AT PRECISELY 7:30. WE WILL MEET HERE ON THEPLAINS OF THE ELWYNN FOREST NEAR WESTFALL. MY FRIENDS... TO VICTORY ! TO VICTORY !TO VICTORY !TO VICTORY ! I DON'T PLAY"WORLD OF WARCRAFT". BUTTERS, YOU SAID YOU'REON YOUR COMPUTER ALL THE TIME. YEAH, BUT I'M PLAYING'HELLO KITTY ISLAND ADVENTURE'. BUTTERS, GO BUYWORLD OF WARCRAFT, INSTALL IT ON YOUR COMPUTER,AND JOIN THE ONLINE SENSATION BEFORE WE ALL MURDER YOU. OH, ALRIGHT,ALRIGHT THEN...

FROM A SMALL TOWNIN COLORADO. ARE THEY STRONG ENOUGHTO DEFEAT THE EVIL ONE ? WE RAN THE NUMBERS, EVEN WITHTHEIR AMAZING RISE IN LEVELS, THEY HAVE A NINETY PERCENTMORTALITY PROBABILITY. THEY'D BE WALKINGINTO A SLAUGHTER. THERE HAS TO BE, SOME WAYWE CAN HELP THEM... WHAT ABOUT... "THE SWORD OFA THOUSAND TRUTHS" ? QUIET, THOMAS, WE AREN'TTO EVEN SPEAK OF THAT SWORD ! BUT MAYBE THESENEW PLAYERSARE THE ONES THE PROPHECYFORETOLD OF ! IT IS NOTAN OPTION ! WHAT IS THIS SWORD ? LONG AGO, WHEN THEWORLD OF WARCRAFT WAS CREATED, ONE OF THE PROGRAMMERSPUT A SWORD, CALLED "THE SWORD OFA THOUSAND TRUTHS" INTO THE GAME INVENTORY. APPARENTLY IT COULD CAUSE120 DAMAGE PER SECOND WITH AN INSTANT MANA BURNAND AN ENCHANTMENT THAT BOOSTED STAMINAPLUS EIGHTY. BUT, THE SWORD WASCONSIDERED TO BE TOO POWERFUL FORANYONE TO POSSESS. SO IT WAS REMOVEDFROM THE GAME AND STORED ONA ONE-GIG FLASH DRIVE. BUT IT WAS FORETOLDTHAT ONE DAY PLAYERS WHO COULDWIELD THE SWORD MIGHT REVEAL THEMSELVES. WHO FORETOLDTHIS PROPHECY ? SALTZMAN... HE'S IN ACCOUNTING. BEHOLD... THE SWORD OFA THOUSAND TRUTHS. WE MUST GET THIS SWORDTO THE ONES WHO HAVE PROVEN THEY HAVE NO LIFE. LET'S JUST HOPE TO CHRISTTHEY DON'T START THE BATTLE BEFORE WE CAN REACH THEM.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTHIS HERE. IT IS TIME FOROUR FINAL BATTLE. EVERYONE, LOG IN ! I'M IN. ME TOO. OKAY. EVERYONE EQUIP HEALING POTIONSTO THE HOTBAR IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY. UH, KYLE GO AHEAD AND CAST ARCANE BRILLIANCE TO RAISE OUR INTELLIGENCE. HANG ON, I'M CHAINING MYFIRESPELLS FOR MAX RANGE. NICE. STAN, WHAT ENCHANTMENT DOES YOUR CLOAK OF THE TIGER HAVE ? PLUS 15 AGILITY. GIVE THE CLOAKTO KENNY HE NEEDS THE AGILITY BOOSTFOR BOW ATTACKS. 'KAY. HOLD ON, THIS FIGHT COULD LASTMORE THAN TWELVE HOURS. WHAT IF WERUN OUT OF FOOD ? DON'T WORRY, I HAVETHAT COVERED. MOM ?Yes, hon ? MORE HOT POCKETS. Right away, hon. THAT'S UBER-COOL. ALRIGHT,EVERYONE READY ? READY.READY. LET'S GO GET 'IM ! WAIT...I THINK I SEE HIM. YEAH - HE'S HEREIN GOLDSHIRE. OKAY, EVERYONE OPEN A YOUR F-LIST AND AUTO-LOCATE TO STAN. WHAT'S THEAUTO-LOCATE MACRO ? COMMAND-ZERO. OKAY, RIGHT BEHIND STAN. KENNY, GET READY TOTURN ON TRUE-SHOT AURA. AT THAT MOMENT I WILLUSE INTIMIDATING SHOUT. OKAY, HE SEES US. HE'S TARGETED US. OKAY, HIT HIM WITHPYROBLAST, KYLE. CASTING. THERE'S AN 8-SECONDCAST TIME. AREN'T YOU SPEC'EDTO REDUCE CAST TIME ? NO, I'M ANARCANE FIRE MAGE. CHRIST... HE CASTSUMMON AGAIN. EVERYONE TARGETTHE SCORPIONS...