What do Super Mario enemies taste like?

Ever wonder what the Super Mario enemies taste like? The Mario franchise has maintained unprecedented popularity across multiple platforms, introducing its newest 3D game Super Mario Odyssey for Nintendo Switch on October 27th worldwide. Our adorable overall-wearing hero has come a long way since his 1981 debut formerly known as “Jumpman” in Donkey Kong. After Miyamoto thankfully toyed with his name and profession (“Mr.Video the Carpenter”-yawn), the mustachioed Italian plumber Mario was born and began racing through Brooklyn, NY city sewers searching for his captured girlfriend.

Over the years, Mario has taken on fantastical adventures defeating enemies and gaining allies throughout various titles. The upcoming Super Mario Odyssey is an open-ended exploration map similar to Super Mario 64 and my all time favorite Sunshine, but with an Earth-esque flair. We are whisked far away from the Mushroom Kingdom with brand new abilities up our sleeve, er rather in our hat, to rescue Princess Peach from Bowser… yet again.

In celebration, let’s sink our teeth into a brand new enemy from Odyssey and add a little spice to some of the classics. Mario never cared about all the corpses he left lying around, but if we could pack them away in our knapsack (or the pocket of our overalls) like a character from WoW (What- I like to be eco-friendly!) imagine the possibilities! Let’s level up Mario’s culinary skills and get to tasting.

Like I mentioned earlier, Super Mario Sunshine is my all time favorite and the Nintendo GameCube rocked my world. The graphics in Isle Delfino were mind blowing. One of the most exciting enemy bosses for me to encounter was the Phantamanta. Those of us with a taste for the sea, the Phantamanta could feed an entire clan. A huge ghostly manta ray transcending any surface leaving a sticky trail of electric goop must leave a shocking sting on the tongue. So, how would the Phantamanta taste? I can’t seem to get the fish-sauced Wonka Shocker flavor out of my mouth.

Alright, alright. I know you all are excited to hear about the new enemy from Odyssey if you haven’t already. (No no, I am not shaking my head at your ignorance. I’m here to inform and delight, settle down!) They are called Moe-Eye; a spin off of the Moai statues with a gold earring, pink shades, and a green tuft of hair. I also believe the names of the statues were used to create a play on the “more eye” characteristic of their dashing glasses. This can be demonstrated when Cappy helps you possess the Moe-Eye. The glasses reveal invisible platforms and hidden blocks. Taste wise, I could only imagine a dash of rock salt on Michael Jordan’s earring- not the most delicious enemy.

Similar to the Phantamanta’s ghostly transparency are the adorable Boos. These little spooks show up and disappear in the darkest of areas. With it’s maniacal grin and alternating state of matter, Boos remind me of eating Carnival cotton candy. One moment you have this glob of sugary goodness and slowly it dissolves into nothing, leaving you grinning for more. Don’t be fooled though, because another Boo is sure to appear when you least expect them.

There has been controversy around whether or not our beloved Mario was really Italian. Let’s think realistically, these are all fictional characters built and entertained on previously made games and shows. Initially, Mario paid no homage to Italy. The Italian heritage was solidified only after Nintendo had the revelation that the little chubby character looked like the company’s landlord (who demanded back rent, oops). This brings us to the flavor of our iconic Goomba enemies in almost every title of Mario, ya know meatballs and mushrooms all the rage in Italy. What do you think they taste like? Let’s get fancy and at least say they are closer to a Porcini mushroom than a Cremini

The flavor of Mario has maintained its everlasting qualities by bringing timeless allies and infamous enemies into the mix of new and exciting adventures again and again. This little guy has given a lot to Princess Peach, but frankly, I like to watch her struggle. Without Bowser’s obsession with her, the Mushroom Kingdom would never have leaked into the real world and none of its impressive characters would exist. Here’s to welcoming much more turtle soup with the Koopas, Shy Guy’s licorice, and Honey Buzzle Beetles to the dinner table in the years to come!