Ah, to be rich. Even better: to be mega-ultra-uber-rich. Imagine never worrying about your kid's tuition, what car to buy for your butler, how to make the next mortgage payment on your mansion, or which color to pick for your hot air balloon. That is the American dream. It's especially nice to have cash on hand for online impulse buys. No matter how extravagant, no matter how unnecessary, no matter how gratuitously ridiculous it might be, imagine being able to click "Buy Now" without a second thought.

We're no strangers to splurge-worthy gifts with high prices at PCMag's Manhattan towers, but you have to draw a line in the sand. There are definitely products out there not worth the price—be they $15 or $2,000,000. (That's the full range of product prices in this story.) Sure, it's easy to pick on the toys of the super-rich (and we do), but sometimes even the most reasonably priced devices are questionable at best, and down-right dangerous at worst.

Which isn't to say we wouldn't love to try out a few of these products. Watching analysts slide around the PCMag labs on rocket skates or battle it out on 28th Street from inside a couple of giant robot exo-skeletons is an immensely appealing mental image. But not appealing enough to spend a few thousand (or million) dollars for the privilege. And the number of waste-of-money products in the retail transport and mail-order electronics world is a truly heroic testament to capitalism's wonders.

Here are just 16 of the worst offenders currently available for sale. We know that there are plenty more out there so please share your favorites with us in the comments section below. Or, defend your precious products that made our least-wanted list. (We can't wait to hear how safe you feel in your flying hovercraft while wearing your solar-powered bikini.)


1. The Personal Submarine $2,000,000



We can always count on Hammacher Schlemmer's catalog to provide a big-ticket item or two of questionable safety. It's now selling this We can always count on Hammacher Schlemmer's catalog to provide a big-ticket item or two of questionable safety. It's now selling this two-person submersible that can dive to one thousand feet below the water, transforming you into a low-rent James Cameron. It's powered by batteries that can last for six hours and propel you along at three knots (about 3.5 miles per hour) using various three-horsepower thrusters. You can talk to the surface world via VHF radio. Thankfully the price tag also includes "comprehensive training," because we think you're going to need it.

2. 2-in-1 iPotty With Activity Seat for iPad $39.99



The name is self-explanatory, but doesn't quite convey how important this device will be to the training of future generations. The name is self-explanatory, but doesn't quite convey how important this device will be to the training of future generations. iPotty from CTA Digital is a children's training toilet suitable for those 18 months or older and 43 pounds and lighter. But unlike any old molded plastic kiddie crap bucket, the iPotty also sports an arm that holds an Apple iPad (2nd generation and up), in either vertical or horizontal orientations. This way the child who has mastered a touch screen long before his or her bowels will have something to do while making doo. The inner bowl can be removed to dump waste and a shield over the touch screen protects the iPad from what CTA Digital euphemistically calls "messy accidents." Cover the hole and the throne becomes an iPad-oriented "activity seat," which is what we call the toilet in my house anyway. Get one today on Amazon.com

3. Wheelsurf $13,000



Monowheel vehicles are old news. People were riding inside wheels decades before Men in Black III. Monowheel vehicles are old news. People were ridingwheels decades before Men in Black III. Wheelsurf is just the latest high-tech, motorized version for life off the screen. Direct from the Netherlands (and available stateside by none other than Hammacher Schlemmer ), Wheelsurf contains a 1.5-horsepower engine to keep the five-foot seven-inch outer wheel moving while you sit inside the fiberglass inner frame. You lean left or right to turn while your feet hover awkwardly over the ground for protection when it inevitably tips over to crush you. A finger throttle lets you speed up or, we hope, come to a stop. Fill the half-gallon tank of gas to roll for as long as two hours, then pull up at the local station so people can take pictures of you and stare. Hammacher Schlemmer notes one minor problem however: Wheelsurf is not street legal.

4. The Emperor 200 $49,150



The The Emperor 200 from MWE Lab is not the Cadillac of computer workstations; it's more like the space shuttle. It comes with three 27-inch LCD monitors and you can choose whether to equip your workstation with a high-end Mac or Windows PC. Other features include a leather seat with an electronically adjustable climate package, an air filtration system, Android-based touch-screen controls, and a killer Bose sound system, all in a chair that weighs a hefty 375 pounds. If you're feeling more frugal, spring for the Emperor 1510, which costs only $5,910. Punch a hole in the seat and you basically have an adult iPotty.

5. Travel Trac Book Caddy $14.99



Superfluous doesn't just mean overpriced. Most people reading this could afford the Travel Trac Book Caddy, but how many hate their personal safety so much they'd install it? Sure, this steel caddy clips onto stationary bikes—which is good since there's many an ebook I don't want to put down just to peddle in place—but Superfluous doesn't just mean overpriced. Most people reading this could afford the Travel Trac Book Caddy, but how many hate their personal safety so much they'd install it? Sure, this steel caddy clips onto stationary bikes—which is good since there's many an ebook I don't want to put down just to peddle in place—but Performance Bicycle also markets the caddy as suitable for road or mountain bikes. Why stop at books? Why not market it for tablet computers mounted in front of your bicycle handlebars? And while you're at it, why not install cup holders for beers? Makes perfect sense.

6. iPhone SLR Mount $249



Store shelves are overflowing with little lenses you can slap on an iPhone to boost the weak-lensed internal digital camera into a slightly-stronger-lensed picture box. In fact, Store shelves are overflowing with little lenses you can slap on an iPhone to boost the weak-lensed internal digital camera into a slightly-stronger-lensed picture box. In fact, Photojojo sells a bunch of them. But it is also the only store that sells the SLR lens mount for iPhone 4/4S or iPhone 5, which sticks a full SLR camera lens where it counts. If you've given up on your old Canon EOS or Nikon but still have the lenses, from macro to wide-angle to telephoto, this might be a good way to give them new life, assuming you can handle the snickers people will make as you shoot. (Remember: the mount doesn't actually include the lenses!)

7. SpnKiX Pro Rocket Skates $699



As if roller blades aren't dangerous enough, try putting motorized wheels on your feet. One of our favorite gadgets at CES this year was former Kickstarter darling As if roller blades aren't dangerous enough, try putting motorized wheels on your feet. One of our favorite gadgets at CES this year was former Kickstarter darling SpnKiX that builds skates billed as the "World's Smallest Electric Vehicle." Because each skate has a lithium-ion battery (extra batteries are $150), they're bulky; together they weigh 18 pounds. The skates, frankly, look like the lovechild of a Segway and red Converse All Stars waiting for a revival of Xanadu. You can reach up to 10 miles per hour with SpnKiX skates and travel about six miles on a charge. If you can't be bothered wearing a helmet, maybe you should spend $20 on the training wheel attachment

8. AeroDream One $399,000



French electronic music pioneer Jean Michel Jarre, famous for "Oxygene," has sold 80 million albums. His Jarre Technologies iPod/iPad/iPhone dock has sold significantly fewer however. Named the French electronic music pioneer Jean Michel Jarre, famous for "Oxygene," has sold 80 million albums. His Jarre Technologies iPod/iPad/iPhone dock has sold significantly fewer however. Named the AeroDream One , this magnificent charger/speaker system stands 11.1 feet high and comes with a steel ladder to climb to the top with your phone in hand, praying you don't slip. High paid NBA stars may not need the ladder, and in any case are some of the only people who can afford it. The speakers are impressive at least, with 10,000 watts of power in a five-channel amp. The tower comes in chrome, black, or white and since each one is custom built, takes about six months to ship. With each order you get two VIP tickets to a Jean Michel Jarre show, so that may mitigate the sticker shock. (Cheapskates can go for the AeroSystem One , which is only about three feet high and a mere $1,135.)

9. Kuratas by SuidoBashi $1,353,500 base price



Despite SuidioBashi's warning that the Kuratas "robot" is an "art piece" with no guarantee of safety, I like to picture many a Silicon Valley billionaire buying one for some backyard mega-zord-esque smackdowns. Kuratas is the world's first "giant boarding robot," meaning you can actually Despite SuidioBashi's warning that the Kuratas "robot" is an "art piece" with no guarantee of safety, I like to picture many a Silicon Valley billionaire buying one for some backyard mega-zord-esque smackdowns. Kuratas is the world's first "giant boarding robot," meaning you can actually climb inside and pilot the thing , just like in MechWarrior, the exoskeleton in Aliens, or those jaegers coming soon in Pacific Rim. In reality, it's probably not much like those things at all, and not just because it's on wheels, but because real life never works as well as fiction. It's probably for the best given that the Kuratas boasts an iron crow claw, rocket launcher, bunker missiles, and other weapons. (The BB Gatling gun looks like hilarious fun. Look out, neighborhood squirrels!) For your investment you can customize the colors and name your bot. That leaves just one question: how much does it cost to ship a 13-foot high, 4.9 ton robot from Japan?

10. Gresso Cruiser Phones $1,800 to $3,000



Gresso targets elite folks with more money than sense who want a handset that looks shiny and does about as much as a mobile handset circa 2003. That goes especially for its Gresso targets elite folks with more money than sense who want a handset that looks shiny and does about as much as a mobile handset circa 2003. That goes especially for its Cruiser line . The black models range in price from $1,800 to $2,500 and are for the dudes; the so-called Titanium White model is aimed at women and priced at $3,000. It has a two-megapixel camera and a 240-by-320 pixel LCD screen—perfect for showing off all the Symbian S40 operating system has to offer, which features the height of early 2000-era feature phone chic. They're all limited series phonesonly 999 Titanium Whites will be built, so get in quick!

11. Hoverwing from Universal Hovercraft $190,000



Let's revisit Let's revisit Hammacher Schlemmer to see what other dangers await. How about an actual working hovercraft? Of course, vehicles that can skim the water have been around almost a century, and HS has had a few in its catalog over the years. But the Hoverwing is hovercraft meets airplane. The two lightweight fiberglass wings and 60-inch rear propeller give it enough lift to get up to five feet off the ground. The amphibious Hoverwing travels about 160 miles on about 18 gallons of gas, and supports passengers up to a total of 600 pounds. No word on if you need a pilot's license.

12. Solar Coterie Photovoltaic Bikini Price unknown



Does it matter how much this costs? Charging your phone with a custom bikini covered in one-inch by four-inch photovoltaic film strips joined together by conductive thread is priceless. Right? Does it matter how much this costs? Charging your phone with a custom bikini covered in one-inch by four-inch photovoltaic film strips joined together by conductive thread is priceless. Right? Solar Coterie promises a male version that will have even more surface area (trunks cover more than a two-piece) so more power can be collected from the sun's rays; enough to keep a can of beer cool in a custom solar-powered cozy. Solar Coterie is taking orders now, so order yours in time for summer!

13. Aurumania Gold Plated Bike $27,000



Denmark-based Denmark-based Aurumania is all about bikes, and even has a model that's just €2,000 (about $2,581)—a fairly reasonable price for an ultra-high end bicycle. Now, slap 24-carat gold on the frame and forks; make the rims, spokes, handlebar and chain wheel out of hand-polished aluminum; add a saddle made of high-quality leather, and this bike shoots up in price to $27,100. Only 50 of them exist. If that sounds too affordable, there's the Gold Bike Crystal Edition, which has not only gold, but 600 Swarovski "crystal elements," some of which spell out the Aurumania name in Braille—you know, for the ultra-rich blind bicyclists. The ten-edition crystal-encrusted bike will run you $103,240. This might be worth it with a decent iPad holder.

14. Kohler Numi Toilet $6,390



We've written about the We've written about the Kohler Numi before on PCMag.com, and maybe it's because we're dying for Kohler to send us a review unit. Six grand is a lot to splurge on a porcelain throne, after all. But we're not above trying out a toilet with heated seat, foot warming vents, ambient lighting, a touch-screen remote, speakers for your MP3 player, an integrated bidet with integrated air dryer—yes, a dryer for your butt!—and a deodorizing charcoal filter for the unmentionable smell. Really, this thing isn't excessive at all—it's a necessity. I mean, look at the placement in that picture. Every living room should have one.

15. Obscura CueLight Interactive Pool Table System $80,000



You don't need to get an entirely new pool table. The You don't need to get an entirely new pool table. The Obscura CueLight works with existing felt-tops to give your game new optical features with names like "Fluid" and "Fire" and "Reveal." The system tracks the movement of the balls and projects visuals onto the table surface at 60 frames per second to make them look as if they're skipping over water or leaving a trail of hot lava. The "Reveal" function means the placement of balls can expose a picture "underneath" of your choosing, typically of the scantily clad nature. The system is in use at Las Vegas casinos like the Hard Rock, an aesthetic anyone would want to bring home.

16. AudioQuest HDMI Cables Ridiculous



When you connect the components in your living room—your game console, your Blu-ray player, your large-screen LED HDTV—you want the best HDMI cable connections, right? And the more you spend the better, right? Wrong, chump! There's little proof that super fancy HDMI cables work better than the same six-foot cables that cost six bucks. So it's somewhat worrying to think a company like AudioQuest is making bank with its "Diamond Line" of products, such as a six-foot HDMI cable with a MSRP of $1,495! Solid silver connections? C'mon. Special signal insulation? Please! Amazon has When you connect the components in your living room—your game console, your Blu-ray player, your large-screen LED HDTV—you want the best HDMI cable connections, right? And the more you spend the better, right? Wrong, chump! There's little proof that super fancy HDMI cables work better than the same six-foot cables that cost six bucks. So it's somewhat worrying to think a company like AudioQuest is making bank with its "Diamond Line" of products, such as a six-foot HDMI cable with a MSRP of $1,495! Solid silver connections? C'mon. Special signal insulation? Please! Amazon has one reseller that has slapped a $9,999 price on this "hard to get" cable. Don't get taken in. Save your money for a gold-plated bike with an iPad holder.

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