I just celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary and I am coming up on the 7th anniversary of the 1st time I walked into a gym. So what does this mean? It means I had been married for 8 years, and I had 2 kids (5 and 3 at the time) and I was about to start walking down an unexpected road. I started in Judo and I was training 3 days a week. After 6 months I walked in to a Jiu Jitsu gym and my training went from 3 days a week to 6. So did I get kicked out the house? Did my wife divorce me? No, she stayed with, supports my journey and has even supported me through a move and career change so I could open my own school. So how did I get away with this? Magic? Mind control? No, but there are some things that I think most of us don’t do and that leads to the something I hear from guys all of the time. Most common quotes go something like this:

“Wife says I’m not home enough”

“I never see my kids”

So what are the steps to a good family life and a good Jiu Jitsu life?

Communication- How many guys complain about their partners not telling them what is on their mind? A lot of us, I always hear “I’m not a mindreader, how was I supposed to know?” Well that door swings both way friends! If you can’t explain to your partner that you love Jiu Jitsu and you need it in your life, how can expect them to understand? Jiu Jitsu is complicated to the average person. Tell your friends that you do Jiu Jitsu and they look at you funny and make Karate noises, so what do you think your partner is going to say? Sit down with your partner tell why you love Jiu Jitsu and why you need to train. If they have concerns, listen to them, address them and overcome them. Bring them- I started training with my son. I had no intentions of joining myself and I got talked into trying it out as well. Ever since it has been our thing. When she was old enough my daughter stepped out on the mat with us and that lead to my wife as well. It has become a family bond. Even if your spouse isn’t into it, you are giving them time to themselves to pursue their own interest. It’s great! SO at minimum take your kids and give your spouse some time to pursue their passion, and create an awesome bond with your kids. Make time- To make this work you must be organized and schedule driven. Have time to train and have time to spend with your family. Sounds easy right? Well it is if you keep to the schedule. When you do this there will always be exceptions, but if you stick to it things will be smooth and you can juggle work, family and training. Some times one of these things will take precedence, but if you maintain the balance you will be happy and have a good home life. Do what you say- Part of making your spouse okay with spending time away from home is follow through. If your job is to do the dishes every night, when you get home from training do them! You got your ass kicked for 2 hours, do them anyway. Overtime I came home sore and exhausted from training trying to wiggle my way out of doing something my wife would always say “Sore huh? Well you pay for it!” and she is right. If you follow through at home your spouse is going to feel better about you going out and having fun at Jiu Jitsu because she knows that the family (and him or her) are still your #1priority. Make sacrifices (on both ends)- Daughter has a dance recital? You’re missing class? Wedding anniversary? You’re missing class. Big tournament coming up? You’re eating salads and less in general. Life is all about making the hard choice. If you want to be successful in anything sacrifices will be made. Sounds hard right? Sacrifices always are, but if you do it right (like weight cutting) it’s much easier. If you have a family or work event coming up, tell your instructor ahead of time so they don’t wonder where you are. If you have a big tournament, seminar or belt promotion coming up tell your spouse so you can plan. Sometimes you will miss class, sometimes you may have to move around a family event, but if you keep things organized it works out. Encourage them- Your spouse or kids want to do Jiu Jitsu? Great, encourage them! I made a mistake I made with my wife early on and she has been gun shy ever since. They don’t want to? Okay, be supportive in whatever they choose to do. If not they will always look down on Jiu Jitsu, like they were forced. I ask my kids all the time “Do you still want to come? If you say no, daddy won’t get upset” and they believe me. Sometimes the harder you push, the harder it is for them to stay in.

Jiu Jitsu can be (and should be) an awesome family activity and if you do right it will be. Follow my steps, and make this an amazing part of not just your life, but your family’s.