Today as I returned home from a day trip visiting Finland, I had Christmas waiting for me.

No, seriously. Father Christmas rolled up in a smell, packed inside a box, waiting for me.

I could smell the box when holding it in my arms. I kicked aside all other things, gingerly placing the box in front of me. I'll be honest here. I didn't touch it for quite some time because I just didn't want the feeling to go away. The anticipation. The longing.

For years Christmas has been something I've dreaded, it's only been this year, becoming a mother to a wee boy (born on the 23rd of December 2010) I realised I had to do something about my Christmas angst.

So I signed up for redditgifts. Reddit has gifted me plenty over the years; extending my vocabulary (pardon my spelling I'm a Swede), making me feel a bit resentful towards myself for being a girl (I kid!), learning memes and how to pronounce memes (so glad no one heard me go meh meh). If anyone can grant me the gift of Christmas spirit it would have to be you guys.

I certainly didn't make it easy on my Santa. First off I had forgotten to write a profile and then when I finally did I was very vague and silly. I was also a serious lurker. Reading the secretsanta subreddit I realised I had committed serious secretsanta-sins.

I guess after a few days I stopped caring whether or not I'd get anything. I was enjoying stalking my own giftee and putting together her present. Then a wild secretsanta appeared with that little orangered saying "I'll be shipping your gift tomorrow" and damn it, if it didn't make me happier than I ever thought was allowed.

Back to today. When I first saw that big box in front of me, it made me realise what it was all about - someone out there, not knowing me, taking the time, making the effort and spending the money ... on me. A person they've never met. But it's not just that. It's not just about me feeling special, it's about knowing there's that kind of special people out there that would do that for others that warms the most.

As I laid out all the gifts one by one, slowly unwrapping them, some bastard started cutting onions in the room. No, truthfully, I was having a bit of a cry. Happy tears, come on!

What I got:

A thoughtful and lovely Christmas card A bag of Boston Baked Beans 2 bars of handcrafted soaps (source of the smell) Balsam filled pillow (smells just like my grandma) (I mean that in a great way) A bag of peach blossom (Is this safe to eat?) A PARTY BAG of play doh A bottle of maple syrup (the bottle is so beautiful, damn you onions!) Maple candy Swedish Fish! (I didn't know I could just edit this) Beautiful Christmas ornament in my favourite colour Lord of The Rings PEZ... all characters (this is so magnificent I dare not open the box) and last.. but certainly not least

A handmade Reddit Alien, Christmas Edition.

kelmarsh. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I tried to make a video telling you this but I kept being awkward and getting stuck on my English. Instead I'll just keep writing this awkwardly long post instead.

I can't express in words what this meant to me (though I certainly tried). I thought I'd never be fond of Christmas again.

Tack så mycket, all my love - to you kelmarsh and to all of you redditors.

Linn

TL;DR - It's not just about feeling special about being given something, it's about knowing there's someone special out there that is willing to give.

Edit:

I decided to pay it forward, in a tiny way, in honour to you kelmarsh. I requested a song to this years Music Help (a big charity event in Sweden read more here: http://sverigesradio.se/sida/artikel.aspx?programid=3946&artikel=4138840 ) This years theme is "All girls have a right to go to school" for young girls in Ethiopia.

I added a photo of my small contribution ... if you have the chance, listen to the song. It's lovely.

The text back is a reply that they recieved our text and with their motto "Your music saves lives".