For this special edition of the food calendar, we present to you a meticulously curated collection of restaurants. Because let's face it, your family isn't going to love you anymore if you spend 16 hours doing meal prep. (Also, you just don't have the upper body strength required to stuff that duck into that turkey. Sorry.)

Hard times? No friends? Emotionally crippled by seasonal gourds? Let The Slow Bone (above) be your safe place. Jack Perkins and company will prepare a feast with all the trimmings, free of charge, to anyone who comes aknockin'. Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about. Well, that and giblet gravy.

What it be: Free Thanksgiving lunch at The Slow Bone

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27 from 1 - 4 p.m.

Where dat is: 2234 Irving Blvd, Dallas, Texas 75207

*****

Thanksgiving, meet brunch. The New York Times may have declared war on brunch, but the Omni doesn't seem to care. Instead, they're taking brunch to the next level: the holiday level. The menu features mimosas (of course), sangria (of course) or bloody Marys (of course), along with Texas hog, turkey, soups, cheeses and a whole host of traditional breakfast items. Adults are $55, and children 5-12 are $19. For more information, call 214-744-6664.

What it be: Thanksgiving at Texas Spice Restaurant at Omni Dallas Hotel

When it do: Thursday, Nov 27 from 10 a.m. - 1:45 p.m.

Where dat is: 555 S Lamar St, Dallas, Texas 75202

*****

O.K., so Thanksgiving at the Original Pancake House doesn't exactly conjure up images of a Norman Rockwell painting. But I say this is the perfect opportunity to put turkey on a Dutch Baby. Just think -- this is your chance to be the culinary version of Christopher Columbus! Minus the uh, unbelievable cruelty. Cost is $14.99 for adults and $12.99 for kids. For more information, call 817-421-3444.

What it be: Second Annual Thanksgiving at Grapevine Original Pancake House - a portion of the proceeds benefit GRACE

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27 from 7:30 a.m. - 1:30 p.m.

Where dat is: 1505 William D. Tate Ave Grapevine, Texas 76051

*****

If you're anything like my Uncle Pat then you already draw mental associations when you heard the words "smoke" and "Thanksgiving." Needless to say, he's still very sorry about setting the patio on fire during The Deep Fried Turkey Incident of 2012. But here's a better association for you: let the good people at SMOKE make Thanksgiving dinner for you. "For $30 per person ($1 per year for children under 12), feast on your choice of Pit Roasted Prime Rib Roast with Cider Vinegar (Garlic & Mint Jus), SMOKE's House Ham with Dublin Dr. Pepper Red Eye Gravy, or Hickory Smoked Farm Turkey with Mushroom & Marjoram Gravy, and enjoy a spread of all of your favorite fixings, family-style." For more information, call 214-393-4141.

What it be: Thanksgiving at SMOKE

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27 seatings from 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Where dat is: 901 Ft. Worth Avenue, Dallas, Texas 75208

*****

Are you a knight? Do you say ni? Would you like a festive, four-course Thanksgiving meal with optional beer pairings in a casual, no-mail-coif-required atmosphere? If so, head to Holy Grail Pub, where notable menu items include roasted root vegetables with goat cheese dressing, smoked corn chowder with chorizo and jalapeño corn waffle and lamb chops with sweet potatoes and endive. Price is $35 per knight ($50 including beer.) For more information, call 972-377-6633.

What it be: Thanksgving at Holy Grail Pub

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27 from noon - 7 p.m.

Where dat is: 8240 Preston Rd, Plano, Texas 75024

*****

When I was eight, my family's oven died right before Thanksgiving. We made the best of the local Ramada Inn's rendition of T-gives, but a dessert buffet can only compensate for so much dry turkey and overly starched linen. The Fairmont's Thanksgiving brunch -- with its "roasted turkey with corn bread and chorizo stuffing, grilled flat iron steaks, pumpkin flan [and] petite pecan pies" -- is slated to be the antithesis of my Ramada experience. Prices for adults are $69, $59 for seniors and $35 for kids 6-12. For more information, call 214-720-5249.

What it be: Thanksgiving at The Fairmont Dallas

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27. Seating times are 11:00am; 11:30am; 1:30pm; 2:00pm

Where dat is: 1717 N Akard St, Dallas, Texas 75201

*****

Fearing's knows what's up. They've put tangerine-glazed turkey with tortilla dressing on the menu in what is possible the biggest middle finger to all other turkey dishes ever. Their three-course menu features plenty of other delicious dishes and a dessert trio. Because a dessert duo would be a slap in the face. Price is $100 for adults and $30 for children 12 and under. For more information, call 214-922-4848.

What it be: Thanksgiving at Fearing's Restaurant

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27 Lunch from 11:15 am-3 p.m. and dinner from 5-8 p.m.

Where dat is: 2121 McKinney Ave, Dallas, Texas 75201

*****

Knife will serve a three-course menu featuring dishes such as butternut squash bisque, filet mignon and pumpkin panna cotta with pumpkin doughnuts. Each table will receive a pecan pie ready to take home. Just keep your eyes peeled for someone with glasses and curly brown hair dressed as "peace making" Indian. Price is $75 per person. For more information, call 214-443-9339.

What it be: Thanksgiving at Knife

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27. Seating times are 11 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Where dat is: 5680 N Central Expy, Dallas, Texas 75206

*****

There is something really comforting about traditional dishes. The ones crafted from recipes that may only be broken out once or twice a year, but boy when they do the memories just start flooding back. San Salvaje says fuck that. Fuck your grandma's green bean casserole. Their Thanksgiving menu doesn't taste like your childhood, because it tastes good. Ham? Fuck that too. You get braised pork belly with persimmon-chile chutney instead. Canned yams topped with marshmallows? Get that shit out of here. We're having Peruvian sweet potato mash with coriander marshmallows. Pumpkin pie? Nope. Pumpkin-pecan tres leches tho. It's a badass, nontraditional, helladelicous T-gives. $38 per person. For more information, call 214-922-9922.

What it be: Thanksgiving at San Salvaje

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27 from 6-10 p.m.

Where dat is: #100, 2100 Ross Avenue #100, Dallas, Texas 75201

*****

Executive Chef Michael Sindoni's a la carte Thanksgiving menu reads like a dream: Roasted Cushaw Squash with gulf crab, candied pecans, and house-made ricotta; Roasted Turkey Breast with leg and thigh sausage (the preferred sausage of Hannibal Lector) cornbread stuffing, and braised collards; and a Spiced Sweet Kabocha Squash Cheesecake with toasted marshmallow, sorghum candied pecans, cranberry graham cracker crust." Awww yis. For more information, call 214-261-4500.

What it be: Thanksgiving at CBD Provisions

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27 from 11 a.m. - 9 p.m.

Where dat is: 1530 Main St, Dallas, Texas 75201

*****

"To the Mansion, dahling, where we will feast on sweet gem lettuce and arctic char!" I don't know what any of those words mean, but it feels very 1950s, in a glamorous, yet vaguely oppressed way. Anyway, the Mansion is doing a three-course menu with starters like veal cheek and salmon gravlax. Main courses include turkey, short rib and day boat scallops. Dessert/female presence in the workplace to follow. $105 per person. For more information, call 214-443-4747.

What it be: Thanksgiving at The Mansion on Turtle Creek

When it do: Thursday, Nov. 27 seatings from 11 a.m. until 7:30 p.m.

Where dat is: 2821 Turtle Creek Blvd, Dallas, Texas 75219

*****