I both love and hate that I write so many “refuting idiotic fandom arguments” metas. I hate it because I hate that it’s necessary, and it just seems so… bitter, I guess? But I love it because I’m so damn good at it (and also it’s cathartic as hell).

This is another one of those kinds of metas. This time, I’m writing on the subject of:

“ I ship Zutara because Aang never supported or empathized with Katara and Zuko understood her so much better .”

Yes, this is a real argument that I have seen people make in ship debates. And yes, I am only addressing that middle bit, as I have no problem with the first bit in and of itself, and the last part is so clearly false that it doesn’t even justify a response. I’m just focusing on Aang and whether or not he supported/empathized with/understood Katara, okay?

Alright, let’s break it down piece by piece.

“Aang never understood Katara.”

This is probably the most subjective of the three aspects in question here (and even then, it’s not really that subjective). As I understand it, there are sort of two components to this argument.

The first goes exactly like the argument says: Aang didn’t understand Katara. He only loved an idealized image of her and couldn’t accept her as a human being with flaws.

I find that to be thoroughly ludicrous.

Wasn’t Aang there when Katara engaged in petty theft? Wasn’t Aang there basically every single time Katara got pissed off at somebody and let them have it, justified or not? Didn’t Aang witness how she can hold a grudge to legendary lengths (with both Jet and Zuko)? Didn’t Aang witness her, on multiple occasions, freaking out on Toph with little or no provocation? Didn’t Aang witness Katara’s breakdown after she learned bloodbending?

Or- oh, I know! How about that time that Katara basically screamed at Aang and just about made him cry?

Trust me, Aang has seen plenty of Katara’s weaknesses and her faults. Almost all of what we, the audience, has seen of Katara, Aang has also witnessed. The two of them were pretty much joined at the hip for 90% of the series. The fact that he loves her, then, should be taken to imply that he didn’t fall for an idealized illusion, but rather that he loves her despite (and knowing Aang, possibly even because of) her flaws.

Aang is the first person to admit that he’s not perfect, and he has never expected anyone else to be.

The second component of this argument seems to be comprised primarily of “Aang never thought about Katara’s feelings, he only cared about his own feelings blah blah hero gets the girl blah blah selfish blah blah blah.” Actually, this part is more often directed at Kataangers than at Aang himself, although the accusation is leveled at him pretty regularly, too.

With regards to the accusation that Kataangers only care about Aang’s happiness and the “hero gets the girl” ending… well, there may be some Kataangers like that out there. I don’t know them, but they might exist (probably do, because there’s stupid shippers for every ship). But for my part, I can say with absolute certainty that, while I liked Kataang initially because Aang’s early crush on her was so adorable, what elevated it from cute ship to OTP status was watching Katara fall so hard and fast for her best friend. I would never, ever want to rip her away from the boy she so clearly adores.

And with regards to Aang… well, I already wrote a meta that deals with that extensively, so if you’d care to read it, my refutation is to be found here.

“Aang never empathized with Katara.”

Let’s start with a working common definition of the term empathy:

The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Clearly, as one of the two characters who were the most mentally and emotionally in tune with each other throughout the series, Aang had no ability to understand or share in Katara’s feelings.

This is generally tied back to TSR and the whole Kya thing. It’s that old Zutarian favorite: “But Zuko and Katara bonded over their mommies!“ Clearly, because Aang didn’t know his mother, he can’t possibly understand the kind of pain Katara feels over losing her own mother.

Regardless of the fact that Aang has lost literally everything. Regardless of the fact that Aang lost the man who was, in all the ways that matter, his father. Regardless of the fact that these losses were demonstrably incredibly painful to him. Nope. Despite these things, there is absolutely no possible way that Aang can understand the kind of pain that Katara feels over losing her mother.

Can you feel the sarcasm radiating from my typing?

Clearly, this argument insists, because Aang recognized in TSR that Katara was very angry and not in control of herself and tried to warn her away from taking a step that he knew she would regret afterwards, he couldn’t possibly empathize with the amount of pain she was in!

FALSE.

I’m going to deal with TSR extensively into another meta, but I’ll use it on a more basic level to address this argument. Let’s look at a few quotes from the episode itself, shall we?

First, from Aang:

I do understand. You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?

Aang has experienced exactly what Katara is feeling. He knows how easy it is for someone in that frame of mind to lose control and do things they ordinarily wouldn’t. Things they regret when they’ve calmed down. He loves her and he doesn’t want her to hurt herself by doing something drastic he knows she’ll regret. As a result, he firmly encourages her not to go off and murder people. You know, like a good friend would.

Additionally:

This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man.

Aang is not trying to impede her. He understands, perhaps better than anyone, how badly she needs closure on what happened all those years ago. He knows it’s still something that haunts her, and he strongly supports her need to find that closure.

He has no desire to stop her going to find Yon Rha. She needs this, and he knows that.

And finally, wisdom of Zuko:

You were right about what Katara needed. Violence wasn’t the answer.

Even Zuko, who started out the episode mocking Aang’s beliefs and calling him childish and naive, came to realize that Aang had understood what Katara truly needed better than he ever could.

Are we good? Okay, great. On to the last…

“Aang never supported Katara.”

This goes back to the whole “Kataang is an unequal relationship” thing that opponents of the ship love to tout about. One half of the argument is “Katara didn’t love Aang the way he loved her” (patently ridiculous), and the other half of the argument is “Aang didn’t give Katara as much support/affection as she gave him,” which, if you’re paying attention, does seem to be a direct contradiction to the first half, doesn’t it?

Okay now, allow me to make a “brief” list of some of the first examples of Aang supporting Katara that come to mind.

First, allow me to direct your attention to this little bit of dialogue from the first episode:

Katara: We haven’t had contact with our sister tribe in a long time. It’s not exactly ‘turn right at the second glacier.’ It’s on the other side of the world.

Aang: But you forget: I have a flying bison. Appa and I can personally fly you to the North Pole. Katara, we’re gonna find you a master!

Within hours of their meeting, Aang is willing to drop everything to take a virtual stranger to the literal opposite side of the world, just to help her achieve her dreams.

Relatedly…

Remember that time that Katara was all “I’m gonna learn waterbending!” and Pakku was all “Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!” and Aang was all “Oh no you di’int!”?

Yeah. He’s pretty much as pissed about it as she is.

Now, we can argue until the cows come up about whether Aang refusing his training with Pakku because Pakku wouldn’t train Katara was a smart choice or not, given how much was riding on him mastering the elements, but that’s not what’s at hand here. What is relevant to this discussion, however, is the fact that Aang threw his support completely and unhesitatingly entirely behind Katara. He valued her goals and her happiness over his own needs.

And then, when Katara talked him into going back to train with Pakku, he did his best to teach her what he was learning, instead.

Or how about in The Puppetmaster, after Hama’s been taken into custody (cackling evilly all the way), and Katara collapses to the ground in tears?

Aang is right there to throw his arms around her and reassure her. Sokka is there, too, but he stands back somewhat, merely laying a hand on her back to let her know he’s there. It’s Aang who puts a protective arm around her shoulders, who draws close and lends her all the strength he has to offer.

On a similar note, how about at the end of Lake Laogai? Jet has just died, and Katara is crying for him, because despite how angry she was at him and how much she distrusted and vilified him… she had cared about him once. And he had just died.

Aang notices, and he reaches out and lays a gentle hand on her shoulder. Once again, he offers his silent support and reassurance. He lets her know without words that he’s there, that he has her back, that if she needs anything at all, he’ll be there.

And it brings a smile to her face.

With a simple touch, he’s able to pull her out of her misery and brighten up her day.

Moving on, how about in The Painted Lady, when Aang basically called her a superhero and she looked at him like he’d just given her the moon? And then he dove right in and helped her commit an act of terrorism because he thought it was so amazing that she was so passionate about helping that village.

How about that time that Katara made an off-hand comment about how Aang addressed Toph as ‘sifu’ but never her, and later that episode after she shared some wisdom with him, he called her Sifu Katara and she gave him the Big Shiny Anime Eyes of Love?

Or we could go back to The Waterbending Scroll. In that episode, Katara is having severe insecurities about her worth as a waterbender, due in large part to how quickly Aang picks up skills it took her years to learn (not to mention doing it better than she does). She’s basically spent the whole episode fucking up royally in quite a few ways, and her self-confidence is shattered.

And then, as they’re trying to escape from the pirates and Zuko, this little piece of dialogue goes down:

Sokka: We’d need a team of rhinos to budge this ship.

Aang: A team of rhinos… or two waterbenders.

And Katara gives him such a look.

In seven words, he’s given her his respect as a fellow bender, and restored her self-confidence and faith in her self-taught skills. Her eyes say it all: that was exactly what she needed to hear at that moment, and Aang knew that. He had witnessed firsthand how upset she was that he was excelling as a waterbender while she was still struggling (especially since he bore the brunt of her frustration when she lashed out at him), and he gave her just exactly the boost she needed to make her feel good about herself again.

See, here’s the thing:

Katara is so strong and so self-sufficient. She pours all her energy into taking care of other people, and she’s at her most comfortable when she’s giving support rather than receiving it. As extensively outlined in The Runaway, from a very young age she went out of her way to be the primary caretaker for her family. That’s the role she’s comfortable in. As a general rule, she doesn’t even accept help or comfort from other people, let alone invite it. On occasion, she’ll tolerate a bit of familial support from Sokka or possibly Hakoda and Kanna (although we see so little of her interactions with them that it’s hard to say for certain). But she only takes it up to a certain point.

Now, this is just a personal interpretation of her character as presented, based on having known many people of similar disposition - and, in fact, being such a woman myself - but it seems to me that Katara isn’t particularly comfortable with accepting support from outside sources. She prefers to rely on herself and be the one who takes care of everybody rather than depending on anyone else. It’s one of her ways of being strong. Take that or leave it, your choice, but that’s how I have always interpreted this aspect of her character.

Point is, she’s a hard girl to take care of because she makes a point of doing a damn good job of that herself.

But she lets Aang fill that role in her life.

I think a big part of the reason she can handle it better from him is all tied up in the fact that it’s so subtle and natural for him- which, incidentally, is also a big part of the reason why it’s easier to miss just how much he really is supporting Katara. It’s not something he thinks about. He’s not doing these things because he wants her to appreciate him. There’s no ulterior motive, and there’s no desire to point out just how good he’s being to her. He’s not going out of his way, because this is his way. It’s just a part of who he is to take care of Katara, as natural as breathing and just as quiet and steady.

Because of this, Katara never feels like his quiet protectiveness and earnest support is overbearing or too blatant. He never makes her feel weak. It’s so easy for her to accept this from him for that very reason.

And so they go about their lives, and she’s his fierce protectress, and he’s her most enthusiastic cheerleader. She holds him tight when he’s coming apart at the seams. He lets her know in his own quiet way that if she needs anything, anything at all, she can come to him and he’ll be there for her. She reminds him that he’s strong enough to save the world. He makes her feel strong and powerful and beautiful and adored.

Conclusion?

Aang knows Katara better than anyone. He’s seen her in her darkest moments, and he understands the way she thinks and he can empathize with her greatest pain. He gives her exactly the kind of quiet, gentle support that she needs to feel protected while still being comfortable in her own skin.

OTP, baby.