For Martela and Chaubal, their worries about the future led them to seriously consider leaving the country. Martela can’t imagine herself ever being in a financial situation that would allow her to retire in the U.S. They were already moving out of San Francisco, since it had become too expensive. They became enchanted with the idea of relocating to Sweden, where Martela planned to work for five years and then retire. “When you get older, they take care of you — which doesn’t happen in our country,” says Chaubal.

They ended up deciding on Chicago instead, where they together started Trans Lifeline, a hotline for transgender people in need. But they haven’t stopped worrying about the decades to come. “Because of the age difference, I’ll be an old lady when she’s still relatively young,” says Martela.

“We don’t talk about it much because it’s kind of depressing,” says M. “But that’s the plan, to stay together. I’m often reminded that we might not be here during the same time.”

T points out that no matter what happens, she’ll live on with in her son, who’s now 5. “He’ll be around, so [M] and I can keep cruising together.” The couple are also thinking about how to integrate a new baby into their busy schedules.

In the end, despite uncertainties, some relationships are worth fighting for. “Nina’s gonna be my best friend for the rest of my life,” says Martela. “I expect our roles will shift depending on when we are in our lives. And I think that’s beautiful.”

One of the particularly beautiful things about those roles, says Martela, is that they aren’t automatically demarcated by gender (the Older Male Breadwinner/the Younger Female Homemaker). Martela was primarily in straight relationships before transitioning in her forties. “To be free of the heteronormative garbage that goes along with that is the most freeing thing in my life.”

Right after Martela and Chaubal moved in together, Martela lost her job. It was the first time in her career she’d faced significant unemployment, while trying to stay afloat in a male-dominated field. She was out of work for a year. “That would have been really difficult in a hetero relationship, but in a queer one it wasn’t a problem,” Martela says. “Nina took care of me.”