I am a 28-year-old single woman. I work in a professional job and play quite hard at weekends. However, one thing missing in my life is a partner. I think about sex most hours of the day, and watch a lot of porn. I can pick up men very quickly, the sex is usually quite intense and I enjoy taking control. But, at heart, I want commitment and a partner. Please help.

When the lack of a committed partner becomes more important than your current sexual style, you will probably prioritise this quite naturally. Most likely, this process has begun already, and will intensify over the next couple of years. We all go through a series of developmental stages as our lives unfold, and with each stage comes a new challenge; yours appears to be changing from the “single” fun of one’s 20s, to the notion of stability and the desire to create a couple with the potential for longevity.

This is all normal, although it is worth remembering that not everyone progresses through the same developmental stages in the same order. What you have been achieving through experimentation is a wealth of learning about who you are sexually – what excites you, and the nature of your erotic triggers. Knowing about these will help you to chose longer-term partners who truly satisfy your erotic creativity. In fact, acquiring sexual self-knowledge in this way is a smart insurance policy.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist specialising in sexual disorders.

• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online and in print. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.