NEWSFLASH!!!!

Explosions have been detected on the planet Mars. A meteor has crashed into a farmer’s field in Grovers Mills, New Jersey. Martians with tentacles like gray snakes, glistening like wet leather, are crawling out from a metallic cylinder. Their black eyes are gleaming like a serpent. Their V-shaped mouths have saliva dripping from their quivering, pulsating rimless lips.

Talk about !

In 1938 Orson Welles terrified a nation when his radio drama aired. Almost a million people listened, believed, were terrified: Earth was being invaded by Martians. “New York has been destroyed! It’s the end of the world! Go home and prepare to die!”

The petty divisions between nations, religions, sports teams faded away as humanity faced a common enemy. Effortlessly we were reminded that we are one group, one species, one global community needing to come together to save ourselves. To save each other.

And then among the smallest living things in the world joined the battle: germs, bacteria we have lived with symbiotically for millennia became the very thing that saved us all.

Metaphor? You bet!

Groups come together to protect themselves against other groups. But sometimes the things we think are dangerous and a threat can become our closest allies.

The smallest group is called a dyad: two people. With 7 billion people in the world there are a minimum of 3.5 billion groups. In a family of four there are a potential ten groups.

Mother-father-son-daughter

Mother-father-son

Mother-father-daughter

Mother-son-daughter

Father-son-daughter

Father-son

Father-daughter

Mother-son

Mother-daughter

Sister-brother

In most families these groups are fluid and dynamic. Timmy and his sister gang up on Mom. Mom pulls in Jenny and Timmy to gang up on Dad. At dinner three may pick on one, or parents may unite around limits on a child, or siblings may rally together. But if the family is threatened then all four come together to protect each other. Even though Jenny and Timmy may have seen each other as rivals, perhaps hated each other, felt the other was anathema, they come together to protect their group.

What happens when these groups get larger and larger? When they divide into religions or skin color or or Red Sox vs Yankee fans? And why does this keep happening?

If you read last week’s blog you already know that the brain-chemical driving them to defend each other is Arginine Vasopressin (AVP).[1]

Before you read any further try this exercise. Look at your right index finger and close one eye. Now switch back and forth with your eyes, looking at your finger. Do you see it moving? That’s because each of your eyes has a slightly different geographic location in the world: a slightly different perspective. There are more than 7,000,000,000 perspectives in the world, each as interesting and valuable as the next.

In a moment I am going to ask you to close both eyes, count to three, and then open your eyes again. As your eyes are closed imagine you are in a crowded room of strangers. OK? Go! Done? Eyes open? That’s trust, being able to close your eyes in a room of strangers. With trust we can take chances, make mistakes, and not being judged. We can be bold and creative.

We are more likely to trust people who we feel are like us, share our values, and have our backs.

This “like me” part of our human nature starts in infancy. Babies begin to connect what they are feeling to what others are feeling. It is the foundation of sharing perceptions and emotions, and ultimately the foundation of how we form groups.[2]

, relating, understanding motivations, involves mirror neurons.[3] Mirror neurons are also involved in . Our brains are susceptible to “suggestion”.[4] Some people are almost hypnotic and really good at fooling other people into believing that their point of view is the right point of view. [5] Some people are really good at suggestion, convincing others that only they can save them. All too often the way they do this is to find a common enemy, an entire race, or religion, dehumanizing them until they are seen as menacing and dangerous aliens or Martians.

We hear what we want to hear, see what we want to see, and band together around a common cause. Or a common enemy. We imitate each other to feel part of a group.[6] This social is the glue that binds us closer together. [7] But the risk we take in imitation is believing that only people in our group are like us, and anyone else becomes someone to suspect and fear.

In our heart of hearts, however, we all want the same basic thing: to be valued by another person. All of us. We don’t need to be invaded by Martians to recognize this basic human truth that binds us all.

Being willing to take the perspective of another person oozes respect. Respect leads to value. Value leads to trust, a feel-good brain chemical called . Trust lets us close our eyes and imagine. Trust lets us be creative. Trust feels great.

Do we really still need a Martian invasion to remember that we are one group? One group.

It is called humanity.

It’s an I-M thing.