What the actual, high flying, dirt kicking fuck is happening to the future of the World Rally Championship? Pardon my French, but seriously, that’s the only thing I could come up with in first response to the brand new ideas, being worked on in the offices of sport’s not-so-new-anymore promoters.

You know how we often call for more communication from the FIA, and ask them to provide more information on what the future will bring to the sport? And do you also know how, quite often, we end up looking like Kristen Stewart, caught in a mouth breathing moment of disbelief, when FIA finally speaks? Yeah!

Today, we learned that our beloved new promoter, the Sportsman Media Group, find World Rally Championship boring and not fit for sale to TV broadcasters around the world. Yep, you got it right, no need to re-read. We somehow expected the news about some events being televised live this year, but no. Instead, we learned that SMG is currently struggling to find any purpose in the events as they are, and is having major trouble selling events to international broadcasters. Oops, did I say events? I mean, stages. Single. Stages.

To be more precise, it seems the idea of live TV is on the menu! But who will buy this boring and unattractive sport in it’s current form? According to our promoters, nobody. Nope. Sport is so bloody boring and dull that it’s not possible to sell it. And the only way we can hope to see WRC on live TV is for the sport to change, so it becomes more attractive. Because, you know, live TV costs money, and with sport being so fucking boring, nobody will buy this expensive live TV broadcast, putting our little bunch of wise asses in trouble.

Seriously, I’m in sixth gear now, and cannot really think straight, but to hell with this idiotic thing they call an idea. Idea! Like it’s actually clever!

What we learned today is Sportsman Media Group does not have the slightest idea what to do with the WRC. We’re five rallies into the season, and what do they present to existing and new teams, not to mention possible new investors? Instead of doing what they’re supposed to do, and that is to promote the sport, they are only now “looking” into this idea, which will enable them to sell not events, mind you, but only, ONLY power stages!!!

Is this what Hyundai is hoping to have in the WRC, when they join in 2014? Is this the idea that will keep Citroën and Volkswagen involved beyond title-losing 2013 for Citroën and title-winning 2013 for Volkswagen? Surely not! It has no imaginable connection with anything rally stands for, it has no base in the tradition of the sport and it’s basic principles. It’s outrageous and horrible and should be denied the right to live.

Whoever came up with this brainfart, should be removed from the WRC immediately, together with all who even agree to discuss this monstrosity on decision-making level.

Our promoter wants to sell power stages, but to do that, PS must be turned into some artificially sweetened, allegedly exciting and thrill inducing stupidity!? Wait, that reminds me of a certain drink, packed in blue-silver cans. They want power stage to decide on the final outcome of the rally?

Fix the fucking timing system, fix the missing split times, hire some people with WRC background to tell you how to FUCKING BROADCAST RALLIES LIVE, because apparently, it’s been done before on this planet. Imagine that! Also fix the billion different classes of cars, classifications, and set at least some rules and plans in stone for the future. You can also invest long-term, offer live broadcasts on the Internet (you know about Internet, do you?), and see ROI (such a favourite acronym) through larger audience and more exposure. Or even charge for online broadcast. Imagine that!

As of today I have 0 respect for everyone involved in discussing this idea as if it’s something worth discussing on FIA level. You can all go and melt/burn your medals and trophies, for all I care. We’re halfway into a season, new manufacturer is on the way, and this is the best thing you can come up with?

Why not just admit there is no easy cash to be had in WRC? It’s not ready made cash cow, a la Formula 1, so why bother, eh?

Perhaps I am just reading too much into this, and perhaps Red Bull, SMG and FIA actually aren’t seriously discussing this idea. But, what the hell are they doing, then?

They want power stage to “evolve” into the gimmick, which will decide on the final outcome of the rally? Fine, but why bother with rallies then, or season, for that matter. Run a single super power stage in Monte Carlo harbour, and decide the outcome of entire season, there and then. Easy and cheap! Can even be put on live TV!

To see what this rant was about, hit this link and prepare to be absorbed by the cloud of WTF.

I do apologize, once again, for language used here, but I don’t see any point in trying to be polite and full of class, when you don’t actually feel like that.