A letter to a new mom from a mom of a one year old CurioussmilingPigeon Follow Jan 15, 2019 · 12 min read

Dear New Mom,

Hello. How are you? How is your baby? Do you know why I asked about you first? Because you must take care of you in order to be the best mother you can be for your baby. Taking care of yourself means feeding yourself even though you think you have no time. Taking out five minutes to eat your dinner and letting someone else take care of your crying infant is not something to feel guilty about. Going out for a ten minute walk and letting your partner take care of your baby is giving your baby a stronger mom.

One hour after having Mili via a C-section

You have done an amazing job, you just created a life. Yes you didn’t do it alone but you did it! Congratulations!

First things first. Focus on your physical recovery, whether you have had a normal delivery or a C-section. If you have just had twins, hang in there. If your baby/babies were premature, I can understand how hard it must have been to return back home with your heart(s) in the NICU. You have been so brave sweetheart.

I don’t know why they call it a ‘normal delivery’ even. Every delivery is ‘normal’ for that mother child pair, just the definition of ‘normal’ may vary. Focus on yourself and the baby; the pile of dishes and the laundry can wait. Take pictures at this time, not just of the baby but also of yourself. You are thinking I am crazy, right? Trust me, you will want to remember this body, be grateful for it later. When you’ll look back, you will feel profound amazement. You are a miracle woman. So feel beautiful even though that’s the last thing you may feel right now, be grateful and enjoy your miracle.

You have quite a treat waiting for you- what may seem like a one- sided relationship in the beginning very soon will become two ways, you just wait honeypot. Your baby will smile at your, recognize you from all the people and look for your finger. She will stop crying as soon as you take her in your arms, she will nestle in the nook of your arms and will sleep with a smile on her face. When she starts to crawl, she will look up to you for encouragement, cheer her on. If there is an outsider present, she will cling to you for comfort. Don’t make excuses for her clinginess, don’t be ashamed of her, this is not the time to worry about her social skills- cuddle her proudly, wearing a big smile.

You will also have times when you would like to pull out every hair from your head. Like when you are bathing your baby and she is screaming non-stop. Or like the first few times you change the diaper and you put it the wrong way. Or when your baby ejects a yellow projectile on your carpet. Or when she vomits because you didn’t know she had to be burped after being fed. Don’t feel frustrated at the baby or yourself- everything is new for both of you, just be patient and give it time. When you hug your baby, feel her hugging you back. When she holds your giant finger in her tiny fist, she is telling you what a fantastic job you are doing. Say thank you.

The things that may seem irksome at times like having to carry your baby with you to the bathroom at night or having to constantly nurse or not being able to have the time you crave to yourself — treasure them, these are the things you will miss the most.

When your baby starts to turn, crawl and eventually walk, she will fall, she may cry. Don’t blame yourself that’s a part of learning a new skill just like you are learning to take care of your heart beating outside your body.

At times, you will find yourself to be a mass of contradictions. Like when your baby is awake you would want her to sleep but when she is sleeping you will find yourself scrolling through her photos and videos on your phone. Take pictures but not so many that you are looking at your baby more through the phone lens than your eyes. What’s the point of clicking pictures and making videos all the time when she is awake and then scrolling through them when she is sleeping? Look at your baby with your eyes. Aren’t you the most blessed soul in this universe that you can see your own baby in action? There are two blessings there, be grateful for them.

This next thing I am going to tell you, listen carefully. It’s okay to feel lonely or even sad at this time. You may feel cut off during the initial months because your baby is sleeping all the time. You may feel like a cow, like you have replaced ‘Mother Dairy’ in your house. Even if people are around you or visiting you to help you out, like your mother or mother-in-law, they may not understand what you are going through even though they obviously have children of their own. You may feel guilty at feeling lonely and a sense of disconnect from the outside world. Because you are ‘supposed’ to be dancing on cloud nine, right? Wrong. Come on, you have just had a baby. Baby blues are a real thing- yes, the change in hormones do play a role but even otherwise, if you are feeling sad, don’t feel guilty. Feel the emotions; let them go through the tunnel of your mind, that’s the only way for them to go out of your system. Nothing is permanent, this too will pass.

You may also want to run away at times like when your baby is having a growth spurt and needs your breast all the time. You may come back from work where you were just told that you don’t deserve a raise simply because somebody thinks that and you still have to make dinner and do laundry and your whole house is a mess. You will feel like a failure at this particular moment and question your basic intelligence. You may even cry your heart out, sitting on the cold kitchen floor, wondering what crime have you committed. You may feel that the whole world has turned against you. It is at this time my beautiful friend that you should trust yourself the most and have faith in yourself. The outside world didn’t have a baby, maybe they had one long time ago, maybe they will not have, maybe they can’t have; but whatever the case they are not in the same boat as you right now. So don’t expect them to understand. In fact don’t expect anything from anyone. This is the time when it is not just essential but critical that you derive strength from the inside and not outside.Even when you will ask for what you rightfully deserve, you will be told that you are asking for too much, that you aren’t worthy of it. Don’t take others’ words to heart. They are just doing their job because that’s what they have been instructed by their bosses, who in turn got instructions from their bosses to say this to you. Remember that right now is the most beautiful time of your entire life. This is not a hyperbole. In time when you will look back, you will regret, why you wasted even a second in feeling bad about things and people, who were so insignificant in the total picture of your life.You focus on the now, on your baby, on you. Remember that you are doing the best that you can every single second of every single day. These new changes and responsibilities that have come your way are a blessing. Do you know how lucky you are and that you are the chosen one? Do you know how many cat and dog mommies would love to take your place right this second? So hold your head high, breathe, prioritize yourself and your baby and the rest will fall into place eventually. I promise.

You be selfish right now in claiming your happiness- anything and anybody that even remotely turns that smile upside down should not be a part of your mind space.You are in this phase of your life where you have been given the most beautiful gift that can ever be given, but you must protect it with intensity so fierce that you can’t see anything else. You live in your bubble right now, enjoy every moment because your baby will grow up and you will miss this time. You can always take another job, get that raise another time, make a new friend, go out to a restaurant another time, watch a movie later but you know what you can’t replace- this time with your mini. You will never get this back- it’s a one- time offer only. And it will go by so fast that you wouldn’t even have completed saying the word ‘fast’.

It will happen more than once that the exact moment you decide to look away for a second, like wipe yourself after doing your business or bend down to pick something from the floor, is the exact moment your baby may cry or fall. And others will blame you and may even say you are not doing a good job. Relax. I can bet my life when I tell you this- no mother on this entire earth can protect her child from every fall or stop every tear from flowing.Take it easy. Don’t take it personally when taking it personally is exactly what you would be tempted to do. Don’t fret babe; look at the smile that your babe gives you after picking herself up. She is fine and so are you.

Sometimes, people may ask you personal questions like how much milk you produce ‘Mother Dairy’, how often you breastfeed, when did you start? They may give you advice that might be unnecessary. They may criticize you like; if you are not breastfeeding then you are not a good mother. If you are, then- ‘what? You are still breastfeeding, oh my God! Your baby won’t get used to the bottle, you are making a big mistake.’ Smile through their conversations- they just want the best for you, so treat their conversations like a buffet- eat what you like and leave the rest.

If you feel less because of anything anyone says to you, let it go. Do not take it personally. Remember everybody else who has not just had a baby is fighting a battle you know nothing about.They are embroiled in their own life, in webs of things they may or may not have weaved. If you can, be empathetic to them. Send them good vibes- vibes of healing. These vibes will eventually return to you. If you can’t, that’s okay too.

Golden rule- don’t take anything personally. Feel the warmth of the sunshine on your face and dance when it rains. Steal thousands of molecules of joy from every single moment. Love, laugh, sing, dance and go with the flow. Learn to say- it’s all right, everything is fine. You are a mother now and so get used to a tiny being looking up at you quite literally and figuratively too in time. Every Single. Second.

The time when today was a dream

Don’t worry about your baby’s growth and the milestones. Every baby is unique. Every mother just intuitively knows what’s best for her baby. So trust yourself and have faith that what you are doing each day is what’s best for your baby. Listen to the advice and the suggestions but follow your heart- only you know your baby best. Remember the time when you were worried if you will ever be able to have a baby — remember the time when today was your dream? Enjoy this time when your dream has come true. People will comment on your baby’s milestones whatever they are- remember that’s what other people are here for- commenting. They love it and it’s everybody’s favorite pastime. Bask in the glory that you and your baby are so important to them.

In the years to come, ‪ten, twenty, thirty years, even on your last day on this earth, what will you remember the most? Your loved ones, your happy moments. And so create more of them and live a rich, full life instead of worrying about anything that doesn’t serve you right now.

On another note, I would highly recommend to not compare yourself to other women who are already mothers- they can be your friends, colleagues or your neighbors. Everybody has their own journey, life, priorities and set of things that gives them happiness. For somebody it can be their work, for you it may be your baby. Or vice versa. So whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working mother, they are both right choices as long as YOU are happy. Or if you were working before and you suddenly decide to take a break and stay at home with your baby, that’s right too as long as its your choice and you are content with it. Make your decision based on what is important to you at this point in time of your life and go with it. Don’t second-guess yourself after making a decision, though from time to time, you will wonder what if you had taken the other path. No path in life is without its own unique boulders and mountains to cross over. And so when you come across them, you can get over them faster if you are happy with your choice of path.

With 5 weeks old Mili

I almost forgot to tell you one thing- your quest for fitting into your pre- pregnancy clothes. Stop. Don’t compare yourself with women on Instagram or Facebook who if you can believe this, look even thinner than they did pre- pregnancy. Another friend who too had a c- section around the same time is already doing yoga and going for Pilates classes. Don’t get started on this journey of fitting into your pre- pregnancy jeans. Focus on loving yourself and your baby. Put good wholesome food in both of your bellies, drink two liters or more water every day, go for a walk with your baby or alone, start exercise when you feel ready- physically and mentally and enjoy every day. That’s it.And one day — don’t focus on when though- just like that you may take out that pair of jeans from the back of your closet and try it on while your mini looks at you. You may jump up and down in anticipation of having to fight with your jeans but to your surprise they will slide up. And the button will close. You will scream I warn you. It will scare your baby so much that she will start crying. So express your joy in a lower volume. You will feel such exhilaration that you may write your own song or a poem and sing it to your baby. Just trust Mother Nature.If you think about it, isn’t it so incredible how from almost nothing, your baby got made- how every single cell, every body part grew on its own and out came your healthy baby? So just leave it to the amazing Mother Nature who will in time, give you your body back. I will share a secret- there will come a time, when you wouldn’t even want your old body back. Your self love will grow so much that you will not trade your stretch mark ridden body for anything in the entire universe. These stretch marks will be a source of pride- a reminder of your resilience and courage. They will stand the testimony of time and will remind you that you grew a life there even when your baby is all grown up and far away and living her independent life in the most glamorous way, just like you always taught her.

With 9 months old Mili

Becoming a mother is a feeling like no other; you are surfing on this wave- full of happiness, uncertainty and fear, all at the same time. But babe, it is so worth it. Riding the wave of motherhood cannot be explained, only experienced. Enjoy this time my chosen fearless warrior. Feel my infinite love and blessings with you. Congratulations you super-heroine! You are doing a fabulous job!

Looking forward to hearing from you in a year’s time,

Don’t forget to take care of yourself sweet carrot

With all my love,

Keerti