In case you were unaware and in my experience many of you are unaware



If a marginalized person tells you about an incident where they were discriminated against and how that hurt them



& you respond with "oh they probably didn't mean it that way"



You are gaslighting them

Tone policing is also a form of gaslighting and not enough people highlight that fact

Example from my own life



Me: I dropped Spanish 101 today bc the prof told me that because I'm disabled I would probably benefit from repeating Spanish 100 despite the fact that I got an A in Spanish 100



Aquaintance: They probably weren't trying to be mean

Seriously, people can you please stop telling marginalized people to subjugate their trauma in favour of assuming that the person had good or neutral intentions.



Not only bc you might be fucking wrong but also who cares about their intentions



They were a discriminatory asshole

I promise you that discrimination that comes with a smile is just as much if not more harmful than discrimination that is overt, shouted and accompanied by death threats



You're actively denying the former exists after all and it's more common

Also avoid trying to contextualize bigoted behaviour by suggesting that the "perpetrator was just having a bad day"



Yeah and if that's true they decided to deal with that by being a bigot and I had to deal with it, my reaction is still valid



You're still gaslighting

the particularly frustrating thing about this form of gaslighting is that it stems entirely from the gaslighter's discomfort with even acknowledging that discrimination exists and is a daily reality for marginalized people and it can happen anywhere anytime without provocation

Their discomfort with the mere reality of discrimination is so strong that they need to defend perpetrators who are themselves unlikely to actually be held accountable for their actions, they will likely never know the harm they caused



but they must be defended

If I'm sitting next to someone on the bus and they recoil from me when they notice I'm disabled.



I don't care if they're having a bad day



I don't care if they don't know any better



They hurt me and the fact that they will likely never be held accountable is part of the harm

Your defense of them is further compounding that harm



random anonymous bigots don't need your allyship



They already got away with it and you're helping make sure they always will

Thank you for coming to my TED talk



If you learned something consider helping me out because my monthly out of pocket medical costs exceed my total income (which translates into me not getting necessary care)



http://paypal.me/crippledscholar

You can follow @crippledscholar.

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