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Hi there, I didn't see you come in. I'm Dave, and welcome to my 17th Century Baroque edition on MTV cribs. Today we're talking FALLOUT.



Weaning myself off Fallout was difficult thanks to the lack of blue sky I'm pretty sure I developed seasonal effectiveness disorder. Plus, everytime I saw a vaguely clean toilet I felt compelled to drink from it to replenish

my health.



The wasteland of Fallout is a vast lonely place that is likely to get you killed TO DEATH, whether it's from a bandit's bullet or a giant radscorpion stinger in your back. Why are they called rad scorpions? They should be called brutal annoying scorpions, a rad scorpion would look like this:

So how did it get this way? What brought about such devastation?



Even in the very first Fallout, the apocalypse is spoken of as something long past. In fact, it was at least 20 years prior to you stepping out of your underground vault that things went pear shaped, or it was a global conflict over a petroleum shortage that brought on the Resource Wars of 2052.



Several nations began fighting over the world's remaining oil and uranium supplies, starting a war that would last a good 25 years. The United States and China went at each other, with Alaska and Canada suffering in the process. But it wasn't 25 years of fighting that caused America to be radiated and devastated, it was a sudden flurry of nuclear weapons over a two hour period at the very end of the conflict that would put a big full stop on all the fighting. It's a bit hard to fight a war when you're all dead.



Almost 100 years of nuclear fallout is what then erodes and drains the land, mutating the remaining inhabitants and forcing survivors to build pitiful settlements in dust bowls and the ruins of gutted buildings. Renovators dream. Plus the wifi's gone all the data that you've saved to cloud services GONE, a happy meal is now rat on a stick with bobble head and fabreeze will not fix irradiated pants.



And then you, the happy go lucky vault dweller of Vault 13, stumble out into the hazy light of a crippled world to find your fortune, oh and a functioning water chip.



So one more question, why were these vaults built in the first place? Pretty convenient, no? Well, the United States began Project Safehouse in 2053 after watching Tel Aviv get destroyed by a terrorist nuclear weapon. Not only that, but they were also suffering from something called the New Plague, a flu-like illness that would kill you or at least render you sterile.



Oh great I've got a head cold and my genitals don't work anymore that was pretty much me for a week after my last trip to Bali. IMAGINE THAT FOREVER. Sign me up to the vault.



