Dear Disgusting Swine

Dear Disgusting Swine,

In a previous post you detailed your disappointment in relation to the Crayola company’s decision to discontinue the Dandelion crayon in their 24 pack of crayons. It seemed your distress stemmed from the fact that you find Dandelion crayons to be the tastiest of the colors available in the Crayola 24 pack.

You disgusting swine.

Your assertion is absolutely ridiculous an the height of irresponsibility. But being a fair minded person, I decided to eat a 24 pack of Crayola crayons before composing this letter.

It was disgusting, you pig-swine.

But just to insure absolute certainty in my position, I ate a second 24 pack of Crayola crayons: it wasn’t as disgusting as the first 24 pack, but it wasn’t good.

As I began to write this response, I snacked on a third pack of 24 Crayola crayons. Admittedly some of the colors are growing on me: Yellow-Orange in particular has a refreshing citrusy tang, but Dandelion is still awful.

You filthy disgusting pig-swine.

After several days of consuming crayons I have come to an unswayable conclusion: Dandelion is the most offensive of the colors available in the Crayola 24 pack of crayons. In fact, the only thing I’ve ever tasted worse than the Dandelion Crayola crayon is my aunt’s potato salad and that tastes like a diseased monkey peed into a vat of battery acid and death.

In conclusion: you are ignorant filthy disgusting pig-swine. (And you probably smell like moldy pinecones.)

Best regards,

Ron Smith, Director of Erie County Health Department.