Relax, I get it. You're desperate, and looking for anyone -- anyone -- to save us from our current and goutiest president, Donald Trump. And for some reason, at the top of the heap is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Yet again.

Fuck it. What's the harm in electing a well-liked celebrity like The Rock? Hell, the Republicans have already sent an actor and a reality TV star to the White House, why shouldn't the Democrats try the same tactic? After all, The Rock is good-looking, lovable, well-spoken, and good-looking. Everybody loves him! And for what it's worth, we're not kidding around here; he appears to be fairly serious about going for the job. So how about we get behind the unbeatable ticket of Johnson/Johnson's Massive Pectorals 2020?

Ha, no. We need to shut this shit down right now. The Rock should not be president. Let me explain.