Aug. 25, 2010

This was posted by a man on my site. This man came to his senses in time.

I started noticing my resentment at having to pay for things, the dinners on me, the cab fares on me, the tickets are on me...etc. I'm paying not because she's cheap or selfish, but because she's broke, and she's going to be broke for a long time to come. Her loans are at 6.8% interest; she will have to pay $1036/month for the next ten years! That's if she can make all her payments. I doubt she can. Her masters is in teaching. She will be starting a low salary teaching job in the fall. That debt is going nowhere fast.

There were two things that sealed our fate. The first was that she decided to use the last of her loan money for a 3-week trip in Thailand with her girlfriends. They had always wanted to go and this might be there last chance before everyone started marrying off. I get that, but it didn't sit right with me. I'd be doing everything in my power to pay off that debt as fast as possible. I'd want to get ahead of it. She wanted high times in foreign lands.

The second thing was a lunch I had with my friend Tom. Tom is 50. Tom filed for bankruptcy this year. He too had those college loans, and after years of struggle, he had payed off most of the college loans, only to be buried in CC debt. He owed everyone money. He owed his family, his lawyer, his girlfriend, Im pretty sure even his dog was waiting for a check.

He explained that it all began with the student loans. He got behind one month and had to use the AMEX, and it just snowballed from there. He went through periods of deep despair fueled by the nagging feeling that he was worthless as a human being because he net worth was negative. This isn't true, but it's real hard to feel that way when the creditors keep calling and you owe everyone close to you money. You start seeing it in everyone's eyes. "Where's my money?" He described it as a boat anchor. He had trouble allowing himself to feel happy. Treating himself with generosity became an act of selfishness. "I cant get a massage, that money could be used to pay debt." I saw my girlfriends future. I saw my future.

I am dealing with the pain of loss and the guilt of abandonment. It will become less severe over time. Every time I want to call her I think the same thing, 90 grand at 6.8. No thanks.