What’s this crass obsession with materialistic nostalgia?

Dear Sir/Madam,

Earlier today, my four-year-old grandchild came to me and said: “Grandfather, I would like a new Nokia 3310 for my birthday.”

Feeling very much amused at this I said: “And for Pongal I want you to gift me a brand new Sipani Montana D1 with Shakti-Mitsubishi diesel engine!” My grandchild simply looked at me silently for a few seconds, scowled and then walked away with that condescension that makes me want to whack her over the head with a telephone directory, but I cannot do it because my son works from home. (I have mentioned this ‘working from home’ in our previous correspondence. 100% fraud of some kind. May be insider trading. Did you investigate?)

And then I saw the news on TV that some company has actually relaunched the Nokia 3310.

Sir/madam, what nonsense is this?

Is there any greater indication of the difference between the developed world and the developing world than this crass obsession with materialistic nostalgia?

A sudden need to listen to old Ilayaraja songs I can somewhat understand. A longing to go back and visit Kodaikanal or Ooty before it was overtaken by selfie-taking degenerates who wear sunglasses indoors is something I can sympathise with.

But I will never understand this longing for a piece of technology that has been obsolete for at least 10 years. This is not to say that 3310 was a bad phone. It was a very good phone. I fondly remember the time I went to Sree Annapoorna restaurant on Crosscut Road in Coimbatore, and in the middle of drying my hands on the towel by the sink my hand slipped and my Nokia 3310 phone tumbled into a large stainless steel vat of rosemilk that was passing by. After a moment of disappointment, I calmly walked out of the shop without looking back due to the fact that it used to be ₹ 16 per minute for incoming calls in that time, and I was not Mukesh Ambani then or now.

Sir/madam, this is the problem with the Western world. For them, everything that was good and amazing happened in their past. They are incapable of looking at all the wonderful things they have right now such as David Attenborough or Miss Beyonce. Instead they sit and wallow in manufactured nostalgia. And buy phones that are utterly useless. What will you do with a Nokia 3310 in 2017???

People in countries like ours are more forward looking. We want to spend money on the future. We have no time or use for obsolescence. But, sir, you may have noticed this trend for nostalgia in our country also now. People are increasingly talking about the ‘cool 80s’ and the ‘sexy 70s’. (Unless they are talking about retired people like me! Ha ha. Just some light comedy.) They have already started remaking songs from the 1990s. Is there some law against being original anywhere north of Bangalore?

Just the other day, during breakfast, my elder grandson asked me if I had “fun during the 70s” with “bell bottoms and long hair and rock music.” I wanted to give him one rock music across the face with a stainless steel tumbler. But I merely smiled and sipped on my rosemilk silently. Fun during the 70s it seems. A time of Emergency, polio, Naxalism, waiting lists for everything, horrible healthcare and useless telephones. And Rajesh Khanna.

Just because some hippies grew their hair long and wore bellbottoms means nothing.

But that is the problem with Western culture. An inability to appreciate the present. Today, my grandson can access more information with his phone in five minutes than I could do in a month in a library or reading room. But I am 100% sure he will be using a Nokia 3310 soon and flaunting his self-imposed technological limitations. Idiot.

Sir, how will all this end? I worry about this very much. I hope your esteemed newspaper will treat this new old phone with the contempt it deserves.

In conclusion, may I suggest a long, detailed article on rosemilk? I think many readers will be interested by this.

Yours sincerely,

J. Mathrubootham