If there’s one thing I admire about the bipartisan ideology of neoliberalism, it’s the fact that it puts so much emphasis on the free market. A market that isn’t free might as well be some decrepit, soviet bungalow of an economy where workers do nothing but masturbate and watch “Judge Judy” all day (not necessarily in that order). Well, I for one never want to see something like that happen to our society so I proudly declare myself a man of the market. A market man, if you will. These days, us market men certainly have a lot of things to deal with, so it’s nice to know that the American economy (the freest, most liberated market in the world) will have our back.

While all of us neoliberal heroes strive to achieve our own internalized revolution of equality through the free market, with absolutely no help from anyone at all, we do occasionally speak with one another. I know that this is old news, but Thanksgiving took place last week here in the USA and I primarily spent my time with my family. When I wasn’t at home, berating my family members about the benefits of a neoliberal free market rationale, I spent my time combing the streets for those with a worldview similar to my own. On one of my excursions, I happened to run into a young man named Cranston Black. We both started to talk about the holidays and what we each planned to eat at our respective Thanksgiving dinners.

The conversation, sadly, was almost entirely one sided. Mr. Black went on and on about what he planned to have for his holiday meal and I couldn’t begin to imagine how he planned to go about cooking all this food. I finally found a gap in our conversation when Mr. Black took a very long breath and I asked him, outright, just how he would go about making all that food. “It’s simple, really. I’m going to let the free market do the cooking for me.”

Once I found out that this man and I had similar, ideological outlooks on life, I shook his hand with great gusto and fervor. Mr. Black understood that if the free market controlled every aspect of our lives that then we could all let go of our daily anxieties. I could’ve asked the man about how the free market would go about cooking a meal, but I held my tongue due to my undying faith in America’s liberated market.