WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

A licensed establishment in the heart of the Developers Republic of Sydney has today had to draw a line in the sand and further clamp down on noise pollution.

The once thriving venue called the Royal Arms House , who used to host all sorts of live music and events but now survives solely off pokie machine revenue, has confirmed today that they are banning birthday ‘Hip Hip Hoorays’ after a string of noise complaints.

The venue in one of the surrounding suburbs of the capital News South Boomerstan, said that it wasn’t financially viable for them to allow patrons to sing Happy Birthday in their venue.

“We can’t be copping gigantic and onerous fines from the council every time people try and celebrate a friend’s birthday,” sighed the weary old publican.

“We just haven’t got enough pokies to generate the revenue to pay the fines given out to appease the local boomers who decided to live in the heart of the city rather than disappear down the South Coast or up to the Mid North Coast of NSW.”

“It’s a shame, but it’s the reality we live in now.”

The publican then confirmed that people couldn’t pop outside to quickly sing the song either.

“Absolutely not, unless they are going to move 150 metres away from the venue quietly and then have a crack,” he said.

“In a world run by boomers, for boomers, that’s just the way it is,” he sighed.