Dastardly, dangerous, even debonair: The Disney Villains cover all the bases when it comes to maniacal malevolence. But how would these icons of evil fair in the modern world? Imagine, just for a moment, waking up to the sound of eggs breaking against your window. You throw open the door to confront the vile prankster, only to see two shadows gleefully running off in the distance – one taller with long dark hair, and the other shorter, stumpier, hobbling to keep up. Five dozen egg shells lay waste across your front yard. You’ve just been … Gaston-ed. Without their fated foes to defeat, we imagine the likes of Maleficent, Ursula, and Jafar would resort to doing what they do best: tricking, trolling, and terrorizing their way through life, stopping at nothing to wreak modern mayhem. Behold, a few of their contemporary crimes:

1. Refusing to recycle.

And cackling in the face of global warming.

2. Blatantly double parking and taking up two spots.

This just crosses the line.

3. Starting social media feuds and bringing hellfire to the Internet.

Judge Frollo? More like Judge Troll-o.

4. Spoiling the new episode of your favorite show.

“Have you gotten to the part where [insert character name here] dies?”

5. Taking the last slice of pizza.

And sneering with satiety while doing so.

6. Purposefully forgetting your birthday.

(While wishing you were never born in the first place.)

7. Responding to deep, heartfelt texts with “K.”

Emphasis on the period.

8. Setting up plans just to cancel them at the last minute.

Trust broken.

9. Refusing to tell you when you have food in your teeth.

Eat your heart out.

10. Not laughing at your jokes but then stealing them later.

This is in fact not a laughing matter.

11. Abusing the new Facebook “Emotions” feature by “hearting” sad statuses.

Utterly heartless.

12. Commenting on your Instagram post but not liking it.

There is no greater offense.

What other contemporary crimes do you think these vile goons would be guilty of committing? Leave your answers in the comments below.

Posted 4 years Ago