It was another year of living stupidly.

Probably never more so, ’round these parts, than in the reign of Ford & Ford — Toronto’s own Righteous Brothers, Mayor 1 and Mayor 1(a).

There was no gravy, turns out, but lots of relish.

The Beastie Boys — Rob ’n’ Doug — were endlessly entertaining, even from the shunned remove of a newspaper (that would be us) sent to Coventry. The War of Independence continues in the funny pages.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee were far from alone for comic and moronic value, however. We boasted a rogue’s gallery of bad-ass cops and sad-sack crooks, poltroon politicians and blockhead bureaucrats, addled anarchists and zany zealots.

We were Occupied and repossessed.

We had sex on the brain — and on the subway.

The Toronto Zoo was harmful to animals. City hall was harmful to humans.

Still, most of us did make it through alive, older if not much wiser, especially on the Leaf penalty-kill.

Here’s one final look back at 2011:

KNOCK-KNOCK. WHO’S THERE? MARG DELAHUNTY. MARG DELAHUNTY WHO? NO, SERIOUSLY, WHO THE HELL IS MARG DELAHUNTY? Mayor Rob Ford calls 9-1-1 after ambush at his home by un-funny Marg Delahunty of This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

FALSE ALARMISTS: After reviewing the tape, Police Chief Bill Blair releases statement confirming Mayor Ford never called 9-1-1 dispatchers “you … bitches!”

WIRE INTERCEPT: Newmarket woman arrested for drunk driving claims police violated her rights by seizing her underwire bra during strip search.

SHE HAD A RELAPSE: Cancer faker Ashley Kirilow — convicted of bilking charitable donors out of tens of thousands of dollars — emerges from house arrest and is promptly nabbed for shoplifting.

ATTACK WITH A DEADLY TODDLER: A woman uses her 3-year-old daughter to hit a passenger on TTC streetcar.

WHORE YOU KIDDING? Councillor Giorgio Mammoliti proposes a red-light district for Toronto Islands.

DISS-HONORABLE CONDUCT: An Oshawa justice of the peace is accused of sexual harassment by several female court staffers, allegedly telling one of the women who’d responded coolly to his comment about her “beautiful eyes”: “I take it you don’t like compliments, you just like abuse.”

FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO WHEELS GONE: A disabled pug has his doggie wheelchair stolen.

SNAKES AND BLADDERS: Ramdat Punnassie finds a python slithering out of the toilet bowl in his Woolner Ave. apartment.

PATE DE FOIE GROSS: An infestation of rats and cockroaches shuts down flagship location of upscale gourmet grocer Pusateri’s.

DRAWING A BLANK: City admits mistakenly painting over an outdoor mural during mayor’s anti-graffiti campaign — after paying $2,000 commissioning the artwork.

PLAYING WITH THE HOUSE MONEY I: Toronto Community Housing Corp. loses $41.4 million on the stock market — out of $75 million received for refurbishing decrepit units.

PLAYING WITH THE HOUSE MONEY II: Seven civilian members of the TCHC resign following two scathing reports by the auditor general about million-dollar sole-source contracts, lavish spending on boat cruises, Christmas parties and meetings in spas.

LEGAL AFFAIRS: Ontario Superior Court judge orders 73-year-old Toronto millionaire to pay his much younger ex-wife the $250,000 outstanding on a marriage contract she was accused of breaching by having an affair — because marriage contracts require financial, not sexual, honesty.

A COCK-AND-BULL STORY? PC candidate George Lepp says hoodlums pickpocketed his BlackBerry and then used it to post graphic photos of someone else’s penis on his Twitter feed.

OCCUPY THIS: Canada’s costliest condo — at the new Four Seasons Hotel and Private Residences on Yorkville — finds a buyer for $28 million.

JOINT ADMISSIONS: Religious cannabis user Shahrooze Kharaghani, who argued he was a minister in the Church of the Universe — which believes the marijuana plant is the “tree of life” — is sentenced to three months for possession for the purpose of trafficking.

FEES-ABILITY FUND: Three million bucks is earmarked for consultants hired to find gravy at city hall.

PERKS AND REC FUND: Outgoing TTC chairman Adam Giambrone racks up $135,000 in travel, staff, phone, texting and self-promotion costs on the TTC dime before stepping down from his duties.

SHORTEST ROUTE TO DON JAIL: A 33-year-old man is charged with breaking into 60 vehicles in underground parking garages to swipe GPS units.

DOES MY BUM LOOK SLUTTY IN THIS? Toronto police officer issues an apology to York University for advising women not to dress like “sluts” at a sexual assault training seminar.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS: Mayor Ford is hospitalized with kidney stones.

NOT A CHURCH GOER: Mayor Ford refuses to attend Pride Day parade on Church St., spending the weekend at his cottage instead.

PIERCING ARGUMENT: Parents of two girls at Notre Dame Catholic High School fight for a change in dress code that would allow their daughters to keep their piercings — lip and eyebrow studs.

BALL BUSTERS: Toronto judge authorizes release of a video showing cop threatening to Taser testicles of two handcuffed prisoners in rear seat of a police cruiser.

PHOTO-ID’ED: Three TTC drivers lose their jobs after being photographed texting while behind the wheel.

POSSESSION OF THEIR FACULTY: Five women, including the school’s former principal and secretary, are charged with stealing $700,000 from disabled students at Bloorview School.

THE SEASON WAS TOAST: Mischief to property charges are dropped against a disgruntled fan who’d thrown waffles and an Eggo box onto the ice while Leafs were playing Atlanta.

IN OTHER WAFFLE NEWS: Maple Leaf Gardens reopens as a Loblaws store.

STAY TUNED FOR HER PhD THESIS — WHO’S CUTER, PAUL OR JOHN? Sheridan College vocal professor becomes first person in the world to earn a master’s degree in the Beatles — from Liverpool Hope University.

BIGGEST DRY-CLEANING BILL EVER: Pilot spilling coffee is alleged to be the cause of an unscheduled stop at Pearson made during a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Germany.

LIKE O.J. … BUT WITH LOTS MORE WHEELS: Man who steals a flatbed truck takes 30 cop cars on a 5½-hour highway pursuit from Niagara Region to Woodstock and Toronto before being arrested at gunpoint near Burlington.

FANGS FOR NOTHIN’: Three-year-old visiting Sumatran tiger — named for Tiger Woods — brought here in a breeding program mauls his female mate to death at Toronto Zoo.

NIXED MARTIAL ARTS: Educators object to pitch from Councillor Doug Ford to Toronto District School Board for community service program with Ultimate Fighting Championship as sponsoring partner.

WAY TOO MANY RIM SHOTS: Two drunken Research in Motion executives chew their way through restraints and have to be subdued by other passengers on a Toronto-Beijing flight, forcing the plane to make unscheduled stop in Vancouver.

FOR WHOM THE TOLL BELLS: To save money, city officials consider replacing 111-year-old bells at Old City Hall with artificial ringing sounds.

SKIRTING THE ISSUE: Durham Catholic District School board trustee proposes ban on kilts because schoolgirls are hiking hems too high.

SOD OFF: Bill to repair damage caused to St. James Park by Occupy Toronto estimated at $60,000.

CHOP PHOOEY: Letter allegedly from animal-rights group threatens to poison food in Chinese markets and restaurants over use of shark fins.

WE’RE SORRY YOU’RE SUCH A MORON: Mayor Ford won’t speak to the Star until he gets front-page apology over tediously disputed story.

DUMB AND DUMBER: Councillor Doug Ford blasts Canadian literary icon Margaret Atwood for waging online campaign to spare Toronto library from budget cuts: “I don’t even know her. If she walked by me I wouldn’t have a clue who she is.”

DULL AND DULLARD: Doug Ford tells Star to drop dead.

STRIKE UP THE CONTRA-BAND: Police at Pearson airport suspect inside-job workers became nervous and fled, leaving behind a guitar case filled with a record 100 kilos of high-grade cocaine — worth $10 million — that was being smuggled into the country.

TUNNEL OF LOVE: An intoxicated couple is caught having sex in different positions in a subway car and continuing on the platform.

BENCH PRESSED: Brampton judge orders 28 people back to court to explain themselves after ignoring jury duty summonses.

DECEASED AND DESIST: Twenty-five years after a man’s death, a collection agency acting on behalf of Toronto court services demand payment of $83 in outstanding traffic tickets from his parents.

BULLY WHACK JOB: An Oshawa stay-at-home father of three is found guilty of assault causing bodily harm for throwing the first punch at a lesbian couple — “f---ing dykes” — outside a public school as all arrived to pick up their kids.

BOW-OW-OW: Two dogs die by electrocution and a third is injured on a piece of Queen St. sidewalk accidentally “energized” by a span wire that supports live streetcar cables.

IF AYATOLLAH ONCE, I AYATOLLA YOU A HUNDRED TIMES: In 23 minutes of rambling rhetoric, a convicted GTA terrorist fails to convince a Brampton judge that he was only a misunderstood Muslim “extremist” and minor role player in the Toronto 18 foiled bomb plot.

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BRRRING IT ON: PETA spokesmodels wear nothing but lingerie and gloves in sub-zero temperatures during a demo at Yonge-Dundas Square.

D’HIJAB TO GO THERE? A Markham woman working as an esthetician claims she was fired for wearing an Islamic head scarf because the salon “promotes hair.”

SUCK IT UP: Proponents of legalizing marijuana fume when the city refuses them permission to celebrate in a Toronto park after their annual pot parade.

BAN THE BOOBS: Durham high school students are forbidden by their school board from wearing “I love boobies” wristbands that are part of a breast cancer awareness and fundraising campaign.

CARNAL KNOWLEDGE: A loud love-making couple is misunderstood by their neighbours, who call police fearing a case of domestic violence. Cops arrive and break down the door — discovering the couple and a small meth lab.

MADRASS*OLES: At Valley Park Middle School, “religious accommodation” means Friday prayers in the cafeteria, Muslim girls sitting behind boys in class and girls menstruating sitting behind everyone.

ASH-HOLE: Charlie Sheen closes his Canadian tour stop at Massey Hall by toasting the ashes of an audience member’s dead husband.

ONE DOWN, 99 TO GO: Man shot dead after the Caribbean Carnival parade turns out to have been No. 39 on Top 100 most wanted criminals sought by the Guns and Gangs Task Force.

PORT OF LAST CALL: Massive vats that can hold six million bottles of beer move in kilometre-long convoy from Hamilton Harbour to Molson Coors in Toronto — shutting down roads and downing hydro and cable lines in its path.

HOMO-PATHIC BEHAVIOUR: The principal of Jarvis Collegiate Institute says allegations that students are hurling slushies, shoes and homophobic slurs at residents of the Gay Village are being “treated very seriously.”

PRE-MEDICATED BEHAVIOUR: Two doctors are charged with allegedly drugging and sexually assaulting a 23-year-old woman at a downtown hotel.

OF COURSE, THE SAME CAN BE SAID FOR BOB BARKER: Celebrity animal activist Bob Barker visits Toronto to push for zoo elephants to be sent “down south to a sanctuary so they can enjoy their sunset years.”

LOVE BIRDS: A peregrine falcon couple shacked up on the ledge of a North York building — across the street from Harlequin Enterprises, the world’s largest producer of romance novels — lays an egg.

CHASTITY BONO IS A BETTER FIT: Actor Woody Harrelson tells NOW magazine he would like to play Mayor Rob Ford in a movie.

HELLO DOLLY: A 51-year-old man is arrested by OPP for being the lone occupant of a car on the QEW’s HOV lane with what appeared to be a mannequin in the front passenger seat.

OINK OINK I: Toronto Council budget chair Mike Del Grande reports the alleged theft of a small red plastic piggy bank. “Whoever took my pig, give it back,” Del Grande angrily tells council.

OINK OINK II: Toronto Councillor John Park apologizes for a tweet in which he said he enjoys his job because it affords him the opportunity to meet “hot chicks.”

DIGIT IDJIT: A woman and her 6-year-old daughter claim Mayor Ford gave them the finger after they chided him for using his cellphone whilst driving.

PANES IN THE NECK: For the third time in a week, a glass panel from a condo balcony shatters over downtown Toronto.

PHYSICIAN, HEEL THYSELF: A doctor accused of stalking singer Shania Twain changes his plea to guilty after the singer’s second day of video-link testimony from a secret venue.

GOING BALL-ISTIC: Earl Beatty Public School bans balls after a parent suffers a concussion from being hit in the head.

GROPE-A-DOPE: Police say a man who pretends to be sleeping is groping women on Toronto subway trains.

ANY UDDER DETAILS? Halton Region police service issues a news release about a cow wandering on the highway. The cow is described as “brown and white in colour with horns.”

CURSE OF THE MUMMY: Inquiry finds Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion in a “real and apparent” conflict of interest over her role in a failed land purchase bid by her son.

ON CLOSER INSPECTION, IT’S JUST HAZEL: A meteor estimated to be 4.5 billion years old falls from the evening sky outside Toronto.

IN-HOSPITABLE: Entirely against Ministry of Health rules, Toronto East General threatens to charge 84-year-old woman $1,300 a day until a proper long-term care home is found for her.

ON BROKEBACK ICEBERG: Pedro and Buddy — gay African penguins at Toronto Zoo — are separated by their handlers.

HACK-KNEED: Mystery prankster registers RobFord.ca and sets the website to automatically send visitors to home page of the Toronto Star.

UP IN SMOKE: Nikki Holland, the Ontario Liberal Party’s operational vice-president, resigns after being caught on tape during a party training session bragging she gave cigarettes to residents at a Toronto shelter to get them to vote.

RANGE ROVER: A woman fleeing from a five-vehicle crash runs into the kitchen of a nearby house and tries to set her hair aflame on the stove.

HOPEFULLY NOT A MATH TEACHER: School teacher who thought he’d won $21,000 in Lotto Max miscalculated the numbers. He actually won $21 million.

HOOT-DUNNIT: Hunt for person who decapitated three rabbits and left their bodies outside an elementary school is called off when the real culprit is identified — an owl.

PLEAS WITH ONESELF: A former Brantford cop caught on police video smoking crack cocaine and snorting Oxycontin in his cruiser asks the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal for job reinstatement or a financial settlement, alleging “discrimination in employment on the basis of disability” — his drug addiction.

GARTER SNAPS & PANTY PUNTS: Lingerie Football League arrives in town with the Toronto Triumph and Mayor Ford’s middle-linebacker niece, Krista, as captain.

FUMBLE: Following opening game 24-14 disaster, Krista Ford and four other players quit the team.

SCREEN IDLE: Massive gridlock ensues when Lake Shore Blvd. is closed for filming of remake of Arnold Schwarzenegger flick Total Recall.

CHEMO-SAVVY: Waterloo teacher becomes third woman in past year to be accused of faking cancer and duping supporters out of thousands of dollars, allegedly for experimental cancer treatments.

MERRY XXXMAS KIDS: A 37-year-old man who runs a “daddy daycare” in Oshawa and is a part-time mall Santa is arrested for possession of child pornography.

AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR: Ron Wilson, Leaf coach through three non-playoff seasons, gets a contract extension.

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