It’s a crazy concept, really, being two things at once. But if we’ve learned anything from the cronut, it’s that sometimes being two things at the same time can be great (and delicious). You see, I am both a feminist and a woman that watches The Handmaid’s Tale for the love story. I am also a person that will let you know there are some big time spoilers ahead, just in case you aren’t caught up yet.

The Handmaid’s Tale is a harrowing look at women in a future society that doesn’t feel quite fictional enough, considering what we’re going through in 2017. The story is dark and depressing and captivating at every turn. I can appreciate the themes and the messages and even the time when Alexis Bledel brutally ran over a dude. The world in which this show takes place is beautifully crafted in a way that makes it that much more scary and intense.

But as part of the story, and really a release in many ways, the developing relationship between Offred and Nick is what keeps me coming back for more. It’s the most exciting part of the show, not just because it’s sexy and hot, but because it’s also hopeful.

The internet will try to tell you that liking or caring about this love story (or even finding any of the male actors attractive) is not the point of this show, that there are much more important things to worry about and be sucked in by. But to that I say, nah. In a world that gets increasingly more depressing by the day (this one, the one we’re living in, just to be clear), I’m going to cling tightly to the glimmer of happiness shining throughout the show.

From the first glances Offred (Elisabeth Moss) and Nick (Max Minghella) shared to the end of episode 5, which was just about as sexy as it gets, what I love about this show is that it is exploring the teeny tiny bit of satisfaction Offred is allowed. From developing anything remotely resembling a feeling for Nick, to finding the boldness inside her to question if he’s an eye, to owning her natural sexuality and maneuvering herself on top of him during sex, these are wins for Offred. Sure, finding out that her actual husband Luke (O-T Fagbenle) is alive is good news in a way, too. But he still feels out of reach, whereas Nick is immediate comfort and reassurance in a time where that is as rare as ever.

I’m not just into this show for the sex, of course, but I’m into the feminist message of Offred specifically, getting what she deserves — in a good way. She deserves love and sex and distraction and to not be frightened out of her mind every moment of every day. The budding romance between her and Nick provide that for her, and the viewers as well. Each time she gets to make her own decision or her own confident statement, she inches just a little bit closer to feeling equal, which is what feminism is about, after all. It’s also about believing in a future where that is the norm, so if Offred’s relationship with Nick can provide her with that optimism, while being crazy hot at the same time, well then that’s a win-win right there.

Some people are fascinated with the flashback scenes that explain how Gilead and its injustices came to be. For me, that can feel too real to be fun. I didn’t sign up for a documentary! I enjoy the escape, the feeling that there is always something good, no matter how small, to come out of a shitty situation. If that comes in the form of titillation, great! Who could be mad at that? And come on, the fact that it’s secret and forbidden is sexy too.

To be clear, I’m fully in support of the girl power themes pulsing throughout the show, and the lessons to be brave and put up a fight and know your worth. I’m not ignoring them or disregarding them or fast-forwarding through them. But if all I want to talk about is that super hot hookup, as a woman, it is my right to do so.

Where to watch The Handmaid's Tale