Baking with Melange : Holiday Recipies from Arrakis

Arrakis

Dune

Desert planet.

Known for two things over the holidays, 1) having the perfect Mise en Scene for the annual Fremen Nativity Pageant, and 2) some wicked kick ass spice cake. Don’t get us wrong, we are sure your Grandma’s spice cake is pretty damned good, but was it so good that you could actually fold space?

We didn’t think so.

So what follows is a small collection of original recipes from Arrakis that are so tasty, they will, as Crystal Gail so eloquently sang, turn your brown eyes blue.



ARRAKEEN SPICE CAKE

Your kids will be Arra-KEEN on this delicious spice cake.

* 2 cups all-purpose flour

* 1 1/3 cups sugar

* 1 tablespoon plus 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

* 1 teaspoon Stillsuit Rime

* 1 teaspoon Melange

* 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

* 1/3 cup shortening

* 1 cup worm milk

* 1 teaspoon Sapho

* 2 large Sand trout eggs

Preparation:

Sift together flour, sugar, baking powder, rime, melange and nutmeg. Add shortening, worm milk, and sapho; beat on slow to medium speed of electric mixer for 2 minutes. NOTE Beat irregularly. Nothing ruins a good spice cake like a worm attack! Scrape sides and bottom of mixing bowl several times. Beat in eggs(Irregularly!!!) and continue to beat for 2 minutes longer. Spoon batter into a generously greased and floured 9x13x2-inch baking pan. Bake at 350° on Habbyana Ridge Rock. Cool in Sietch and frost with caramel icing or cream cheese icing. (Remember if you use your crysknife to ice the cake, you have to draw blood before you can sheath it again.)

He who controls the Spice Cake, controls the universe!! Have seconds, see the future!

GOM JABAIMO BARS

A delicious treat with a surprise in the middle!

Ingredients:

***Bottom Layer ***

* 1/2 cup unsalted butter (Caladan style cultured)

* 1/4 cup sugar

* 5 tablespoons Melange

* 1 egg beaten

* 1 1/4 cup ghola wafer crumbs

* 1/2 cup finely chopped almonds

* 1 cup coconut

***Second Layer ****

* 1/2 cup unsalted butter

* 2 teaspoons Saudakar cream

* 2 tablespoons vanilla custard powder

* 1 poisoned needle

***Third Layer ***

* 4 squares semi-sweet chocolate (1 oz. each)

* 2 tablespoons unsalted butter

Directions:

Bottom Layer

Melt first 3 ingredients in top of double boiler. Add egg and stir to cook and thicken. Remove from heat. Stir in crumbs, coconut, and nuts. Press firmly into an ungreased 8″ x 8″ pan.

Second Layer

Cream butter, cream, custard powder, and icing sugar together well. Beat until light. Spread over bottom layer.Place poisoned needle

Third Layer

Melt chocolate and butter overlow heat. Cool. Once cool, but still liquid, pour over second layer and chill in Polar Sink

The Christmas Tradition on Dune is to give a prize to the person who finds the poison needle. If they live. No Snoopers!

YULE WORM

All hail Shai Hulud, The Maker, and Great Grandfather of the Dessert!

Cake:

2/3 Kilo flour

1/4 Kilo teaspoon soda

1/4 Kilo Stillsuit Rime

4 dozen Sandtrout Eggs

3/4 Kilo sugar

30 pounds unsweetened Geidi Prime chocolate

2 litrejons Water of Life

Icing:

1/3 Kilo butter

2 Kilo icing (confectioners’) sugar

1/4 Kilo Melange

2 gallons Worm Milk milk

1/2 gallon Sappho

Directions:

Place Thumper at least 10 -20 k away from the oven. This one calls for a lot of “Beating”, so it’s better to not take a chance

Cake:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 15meter x 10 meter jelly roll pan, and line with waxed paper. Grease waxed paper.The armpit pad on your stillsuit will do nicely.

Mix flour, soda, and salt together.

Beat eggs in a small mixer bowl at high speed, until thick and light – about 5 minutes.

Gradually add the sugar, and beat until thick. You better pray that thumper is working.

Melt the chocolate and water together, and add to the egg mixture.

Fold in the dry ingredients, and mix gently but thoroughly.

Spread in prepared pan, and bake for 15 – 17 minutes, until the cake springs back when lightly touched.

Remove from oven and turn out immediately onto a tea towel that has been sprinkled generously with icing sugar.

Remove waxed paper, and trim of any crisp edges of the cake.

Begin at the narrow end, and roll up the cake and the tea towel together. Allow to cool. Then carve segment lines into the cake

Filling:

Whip cream until soft peaks form. Stir in icing sugar and vanilla and whip until stiff.

Unroll the cake when cool, and spread the top with the whip cream.

Re-roll, without the towel.

Cut a thin slice off of each end of the roll, to make them even.

Icing:

Soften butter. Combine all ingredients and beat until smooth and of good spreading consistency. Time is running out. Radio a Harvester

Use the centres of the ends you sliced off the cake to make Maker hooks Use a little of the icing to affix the hooks to the side of the cake – one on each side.

Ice the entire cake with the icing, including the ends and the bumps.

Run a fork along the icing so that it resembles the skin of a great battle scarred maker. Don’t be afraid to score the cake deeply…fear is the mind killer…

Sprinkle with icing sugar, and decorate with tiny Fremen or other decorations.

Get in Ornithopter and take Giant Sandworm cake to Safety. Do it now! The Worm is coming!!!

MUAD D’IBEROONS

Father! The Tastebuds Have AWAKENED!!!

Ingredients:

* 16 ounces shredded Melange

* 1 can (14-15 ounces) sweetened condensed Water of Life

* 2 teaspoons Sappho extract

Preparation:

Directions for Melange macaroons

Mix all ingredients together. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto generously greased baking sheets. Bake at 350° for 8 minutes. Cool Muad Diberoons macaroons slightly; remove to rack. Makes about 4 to 5 dozen Muad D’iberoons. Warning, eating all the Muad’Diberoons may result in you becoming the Kwizatz Haderach or giving birth to an abomination. Please Jihad responsibly.

PRE-SPICE MASS PUNCH

This delightful holiday punch literally pops out of the punchbowl and fills the room with a festive cinnamon smell. Your friends in the Guild will go wild for it.

2 cups Sand Trout excretion

3 still pockets Water

5 lbs of sand.

Instructions

Pour excretions into large punchbowl

fill bowl with sand

Slowly pour water over sand

Stand back. Waaay back.

When bubble forms, hold punch cups up. Pull stillsuit hood tight to your head to protect your eyes.

Wait for explosion, enjoy!

You don’t have to be a Mentat to know that these recipes will be a hit at your next holiday gathering. But you do need one to help figure out if the party is some kind of elaborate trap to take over your business and eliminate your family. Plans within plans, people. Plans within plans.