Mayo. Not even once.

A man from Oilfield, California (near Bakersfield) with a history of mental health and methamphetamine abuse is in jail having admitted to killing his wife. His defense: a powerful clique of elites infected his brain with mayonnaise.

He told investigators that he was protecting her from a group of powerful people who would "do brutal things to people, like eat them."

After he was arrested as a suspect in his wife's death, Nathaniel Robertson told sheriff's detectives he beat Lidia Robertson to death with with a concrete block.

When the detectives asked if he used drugs, Nathaniel Robertson said he used "ice" to help him breathe. Ice is a common street term for the illegal stimulant street drug methamphetamine. The man also said he'd been ingesting "crystal," which a detective also understood to mean crystal methamphetamine, according to documents.

Robertson, 46, pleaded not guilty to a charge of first-degree murder in the death of Lidia Robertson, who was 57. He is being held on $1 million bail.

From KGET:

But Robertson, in a confusing, rambling statement, said he did it to "give her compassion and mercy" as "the alignments were not in place to protect her," according to recently released court documents. He said he had been infected by mayonnaise "they" put in him, the documents say. The "they" in this case was a group of "brutal, powerful" people Robertson said he couldn't identify. There was something inside him releasing information from the Revolutionary War, Robertson told investigators. Asked if he used drugs, he said he used "ice" to help him breathe. Ice is commonly used to refer to methamphetamine. Robertson also said he'd been ingesting "crystal," which a detective understood to mean crystal meth, the documents say. Robertson said he loved his wife and she was his best friend. "I didn't want it to be a painful thing," Robertson told investigators. "I didn't want to hit her a bunch of times, I wanted to end it, I didn't want her suffering."

Robertson's next hearing is scheduled for July 31 at 09:00 AM at the Superior Court of Kern County, Metro Division.

I knew that shit was bad news https://t.co/4h6Rge30fs — Lachlan Markay (@lachlan) July 25, 2019

Hard to argue with that.

'Man accused of killing wife claims powerful group infected him with mayonnaise, report says' [kget.com]

Here's his inmate info, from kernsheriff.org.

[PHOTO, top: photoshop based on image from Shutterstock]