ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

In what’s being considered a win for the Berijiklian government, conservative members have agreed to let the controversial abortion bill pass through parliament, after one key amendment.

Abortions are now legally able to be performed in New South Wales – but only for embryos conceived in the sinful reverse cowgirl position.

Other positions, such as the gluttonous Turkish Drill Press and the slothful Wanton Wheelbarrow were also earmarked for the amendment but negotiations with the Christian Democrats’ Fred Nile fell through after he revealed he himself was conceived in the Turkish Drill Press position.

Mr Nile spoke to our reporter via telephone today where he went on to detail the negotiations that happened behind closed doors.

“It was beyond the pale,” said Nile.

“What if there was another Fred Nile, who after his parents did their own Turkish Drill Press, was knitted together in his mother’s womb only to be terminated by some unholy force?”

“But for the disgusting, lustful reverse cowgirl! I have no sympathy! Only a pair of sexual deviants would ever attempt such a thing! The woman on top? What is the man supposed to do? Twiddle the nipples and provide playful bum slaps? Pish Posh! Not in my world!”

Nile then slammed the phone down on his desk, missing the hook.

He cursed and hung the receiver up properly.

The Advocate requested comment from the Office of the NSW Premier but have yet to receive a response.

More to come.



