I discovered something interesting about myself a couple of weekends ago.

You see, for a while now I have been interested in choking and breathplay. I know for a fact that I love to choke others, but was never sure if I could handle the receiving end. I have very few “freakout points” (I am loathe to use the word “phobia”) but one of them is being unable to breathe. I even have dreams frequently about sinking underwater and getting to the point of near-panic because I don’t think I can breathe, and when I lose control and gasp in a mouthful of water, I find I can breathe underwater.

So needless to say, it was a very tentative object on the To Do list. But, when I was playing with the Mistress of my favorite dungeon a couple weeks ago – you may have read about it in my post titled “At Peace” – she slid her hand up to my throat and held it there, thumb and fingers putting just ever so slight pressure on my carotid arteries; she wasn’t constricting my windpipe at all, so I was still able to breathe just fine. It was just that feeling of… well, of having your carotid arteries blocked off for a moment!

And honestly? I. LOVED. IT.

I did take a tiny moment to consider it. My first reaction was to let her know that I was not comfortable with it, but when I stopped to consider the sensation, I discovered that it was actually quite pleasant! My breathing was in no way obstructed, and the mental reaction to having someone’s hand around one of the most vulnerable parts of the body is intense and amazing and… wow. Just wow. I think that move, more than all of the beating on me (except maybe when she was just using her palms to thump on my back), was what put me in bottomspace the fastest and deepest. And now… now I’m just waiting for the chance to have a (trusted) hand around my throat again.