Did you know that Ford once employed a Poet Laureate?

Oh yes!, we say resoundingly. To name new cars more poetically, and hopefully excitingly, and to kickstart their stuck development team, the carmaker in 1955 contracted with Marianne Moore, the American writer, who then served for one brief season as the Ford Motor Company’s unofficial poet laureate. Some of her new car name suggestions were:

The Ford Silver Sword

Intelligent Bullet

The Ford Fabergé

Mongoose Civique

Anticipator

Pastelogram

Astranaut

Utopian Turtletop

Okay, then. Well, clearly, those weren’t very good. And Ford agreed, politely rejecting all of Moore’s suggestions. But now, after the government has bought two-thirds of the domestic auto industry in an effort to raise it out of its ongoing malaise, why not have Icarus Landing name new lines of cars? And not just for GM and Chrysler, for everybody! Yes, Icarus Landing – Poet Laureate to the World’s Finest Automobiles! Great idea! We here at Icarus Landing officially love this idea! So here, already, are some of our suggestions for all the new models coming out soon:

The New Saturn Skeletal Articulator IV [The ‘Boney’]

The New Skion Skionic Iambic Pentamatic Poet Rocket

The New GM Opal Opalesque Not Ecru Hardshell Soft Top Semi-Convertible

The New Yugo Chugger

The New Kia-2-Kia Kollider

The New BMW 930 Lambent Lustrositor

The New Cadillac Signature ‘M’ Series: ESM – Ego Supremacy Maker

The New Cadillac Signature ‘M’ Series: FSM – Fiduciary Capitalism Motorcar

The New Cadillac Cadillaclysm

The New Aston-Martin Circumlocutory Ambulator

The New Bentley RFC – Rich Fat Cats Ridin’ Smoothmobile

The New Chrysler GTO Deucecoup Roadster – The Douche Louche

The New Rolls Royce Silver Poor People Dreamcrusher

The New Volkswagen Kunsellschafttenburgenweinerschnitzenhosenliederwaffen [Note: Can be shortened to ‘Kunsellschafttenburgenweinerschnitzenhosenliederwaffe‘]

The New Buick Blutoothacher

The New Ferrari S6 You So Can’t Afford This Sportster

The New Hyundai Brutalesque Bloodly

The New China Motors Hummer H4 Yellow Brutality Mao-chine

The New China Motors Hummer H5 Communist Red Ryder Mao-chine

The New China Motors Hummer H6 Disconnect Your Bones Smooth Riding Mao-chine

The New Mercedes Benz Lower Classes Economic Masherbach

The New Mercedes Benz Snobbilyric Ciceronian LC Series

The New GM ‘GM’ – The General Moneymauler

The New Porsche Out-of-the-Boxster Richly Impossibler

The New Toyota Echoes of Ugliness

The New Toyota Canwe – Can We Design This Any Uglier?

The New Lexus Attitudinal Superioritor XC

The New Jaguar XJ2-Poor Then Don’t Even Think About Coming Near Me Ever Sedan

The New Jaguar XJ2-Poor Then Don’t Even Think About Touching Me Ever Coupe

The New Land Rover R2-Hundred Grander Marquis

The New Volvo Affluence Assurancer C100 SUV

The New Lamborghini Gold Dome Treasury on Wheels Countach

The New Maserati Stocks Reserves and Property Abundant Plenituder LTD

The New Saab 9-5 Urbane Wellgroomer

The New Chevy Volt-aire Candide-alon Vive Le Ohmic Resistance!



