“If a woman is allowed to show her breasts, then I should be allowed to show my penis”

Now listen to me, you science-fearing mofos.

Breasts are not sexual organs. Penises are. We do not reproduce with our breasts, as they are exclusively for feeding babies AFTER they’re born.

Breasts are secondary sex characteristics, which refers to changes that happen in our bodies during puberty due to the different amount and kind of hormones we produce.

You think they’re sexual organs just because every inch of a woman’s body looks like a sexual organ to you, so your opinion is invalid.

But listen: I’m all for equality. If *I* have to hide my secondary sex characteristics at all times, then men should be obligated, by law, to do so too. So here’s a few things I suggest for men that truly want to be coherent:

- Bring a scarf with you AT ALL TIMES. Never, ever take off the scarf. Buy a special scarf for swimming. Keep the scarf even during a horribly hot summer day. Your adam’s apple is a secondary sex characteristic, and therefore it should be covered just like I am forced by LAW to cover my breasts.

- Shave carefully every day; beards are also a secondary sex characteristic and you wouldn’t want to offend anyone with visual proof that you have testosterone in your body.

- Stay silent at all times. You are only allowed to communicate by writing or sign language. Your deep voice, which you acquired during puberty thanks to, again, testosterone, is a secondary sex characteristic just like my breasts. So, stop talking.

While this is obviously a post written to underline how absolutely INSANE it is to force women to cover their breasts, the last point actually has some merit.