CLEVEAND, Ohio – Mr. Guitarist, Madame Singer, Honored Drummers (I’ll type slowly so you can follow along), Ticket-holding fans. I am here today, writing this august body to tell you the State of the Concert is . . . in trouble.

Let us reflect a bit on the past, when attending a concert was an event. Fans of a band would gather early, usually to preview the music we were about to hear, and to bask in the camaraderie of other fans.

That still happens, I am sure. Blossom Music Center tailgate parties may not be up to Browns game standards, but they’re not far behind. And I suspect fans still gather at their respective homes to share their collective love for favorite artists . . . and maybe a few substances, legal and otherwise.

But the actual concert experience has changed, and quite frankly, it should be distressing to every real music fan.

First off, concert tickets have become unbelievably expensive, largely owing to added “facility fees” and “processing fees” and “fee fees.” We are not getting what we pay for. Why? In part because more and more bands are bringing disc jockeys as their “opening act.” It’s cheaper, for one thing. But it’s disgusting.

Disc jockeys belong in the studio, like legendary WMMS jock Kid Leo, left, pictured in 1981 with then-station boss John Gorman.The Plain Dealer

If I wanted to listen to a jukebox, I’d head to a bar, or down to my basement. In each case, just to be clear, a bottle of water would not be $5, a lukewarm beer would not be $8 to $10, and a mixed drink would not be $15. I go to a concert to hear actual musicians make actual music on actual instruments. A computer is not an instrument.

And the absence of an opening band or artist deprives the paying customers – the marks -- of a chance to discover new favorites. Plus, it deprives up-and-coming bands of a chance to A) showcase their music and B) learn how to entertain a crowd. Both are unconscionable sins.

Worse, though, is that 99 times out of 100, disc jockeys don’t even play whole songs, and instead intersperse effects-laden snippets between shouts of “Where my party people at?” and “Let me hear you scream!”

Some concerts are just for listening, like this farewell stop at Playhouse Square's State Theatre last year.

I won’t deny that it takes a certain amount of talent to DJ. But a DJ is not a musician. He or she is a channeller, a conduit for a true musician. It’s like going to a baseball game to watch the bat, not the batter.

Next, if you really want to quantify something as a national emergency, point out the prevalence of auto-tunes. Robert Plant, Ozzy Osbourne, Phil Collins, Carrie Underwood, Chris Stapleton, Emmylou Harris, Nick Cave, Adam Levine (even though I hate the Super Bowl halftime show) are singers. They don’t need manipulation. If you do, you’re not an artist, you’re HAL, from “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

That’s not to say that you have to sound like Pavarotti. Bob Dylan may be the worst singer since Peter Boyle’s monster in “Young Frankenstein,” but the beauty in his music is the poetry in his lyrics, and that’s true for artists ranging from Rob Zombie to Claudio Sanchez of Coheed and Cambria.

You might notice that most of the positive aspects of concerts come from older musicians and acts. But it’s not exclusive to the Boomers. Twenty One Pilots does things right, and obviously so do the Foo Fighters. But the tendency to rely more and more on technology and not talent is a disturbing trend.

You're supposed to dance at a Justin Timberlake concert. It's one of those times when being boisterous is accepted.

Most of all, concerts and the concert experience is being ruined by a particular piece of technology: cell phones. You paid way too much to watch an entire show on a 2x5-inch screen. Worse, fans somehow feel a need to hold that phone above their heads and block everyone else’s view. Fortunately, artists are starting to see the danger in this, and have begun to ban cell phone use during the shows.

Steve Miller once told me that the next time someone in the pit of one of his shows tries to do a selfie with Steve in the background, “I’m gonna kick him in the head.” That may be a bit extreme – and costly if it goes to court – but Chrissie Hynde, Dylan and more are asking ushers and security people to police the crowds and stop the cell-abration of impudent technology, so to speak.

Oh, and speaking of speaking . . . shut the heck up. Nobody paid those exorbitant prices to listen to you prattle on about your social life. Here’s a hint: If you have to yell to be heard over the singer, you probably shouldn’t be talking. At all.

That said, I admit that there are times when a little vocalization is not just acceptable but expected – we all like to sing along with our favorite tunes, and whooping and hollering is a nice way to show appreciation in the right situation. Guys like Florida Georgia Line want you making noise, and Ozzy loves to exhort a crowd to “go crazy.” KISS likes you yelling so maybe you don’t realize how bad the music is, sort of like Justin Bieber.

Likewise, a little seatside boogie is OK at certain shows. If you were at Cher and Nile Rodgers with Chic, I expect you to be dancing. Same at Justin Timberlake, New Kids on the Block, Ariana Grande or Kelly Clarkson.

But if you’re next to me at Graham Nash or Ronnie Milsap or Carlene Carter, all of whom are headed to Cleveland this winter, stay in your seat and listen. Applaud – loudly – at the end of each song. But don’t miss the reason you’re there, and don’t make anyone else miss it.

Remember one thing: the State of the Concert is sound.

Hear! Hear!