Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?









I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.





I invented a new word!





Plagiarism!

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.





Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”



Because every play has a cast.

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.



“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”



Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?



Control Freak.



Con…



OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”



Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.



A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”





“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.” Who’s there?Control Freak.Con…OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?





He just needed a little space.



