Why Are Scientists Telling Us the Year Must End?

At the end of this month, just as we were getting used to the year 2018, scientists are telling us that we have to end it. They’re creating a whole new year, not-so-cleverly-named “2019,” without taking any poll, survey, or referendum. Now I know that it’s been a year of ups and downs, but did they even bother to ask the American people about it? No! They’ve been planning this for months and refuse to propose any alternatives, despite all the money and financial support given to them via government grants that OUR tax dollars pay for.

These scientists are just passing the buck, blaming an old Pope in Italy several hundred years ago, who decided that what’s happening way up in outer space should determine how we live our lives down here on good old Mother Earth. Together, they have literally given our rights away to alien forces. The more conservative calendars, the older ones that know better, don’t have the year abruptly stop at the end of December. But the calendar they tell us to use leaves absolutely no room for dissension. Just as the days are getting longer again and the sun is spending more time shining down on us, they want us to suddenly change the way we plan our precious time in that sun.

Many have benefited from the year 2018, but the so-called “leaders” in the scientific and educational communities don’t care. Could this be a conspiracy against the year 2018? It’s time to ask ourselves who would most benefit from creating a whole new year:

University elites who need a new year so they can submit new grant requests

Automobile manufacturers and fashion designers so they can hawk new designs

Sports video games companies who want to slap a new year on updated versions of their same uninspired products

Calendar publishers who get to sell us whole new editions

The Birthday Party Industrial Complex

The Internal Revenue Service, which will reap another year of our hard-earned income from us

Do you really want to have to deal with a whole new year? Think about what this is costing you on a personal level. Not just the toll on your physical appearance or the cost of an additional candle on your birthday cake. Do you really want your kids to have to deal with new teachers? Or allow big corporations to hike up their yearly pricing strategies? Do you really want to go through another February?

I’m sure you are asking what you can do about it. Unfortunately, protests aren’t the answer; besides, other mob scenes are already planned, as “end-of-the-year”-ers will probably gather and misbehave with loud explosions in the sky and large, alcohol-fueled rites of passages.

The best route to take is to call your congressional representative immediately. We don’t have much time! They should immediately set up a national referendum on this. I’m sure it would have strong bipartisan support, especially from the elderly gentlemen in Congress who would love nothing more than to hold back Father Time. They’ve been trying their hardest to slow progress as it is.