Author’s note: …and, we’re back. We all thought, with all the celebrity deaths and the idiocy of Brexit and Trump, that 2016 was a bad year. We had no idea. Anyone watching our host, Marie Rebelle’s, Twitter feed knows what she’s going through…and our thoughts are often with her. We’ve had a similar first half to 2017, albeit not as extreme. My father has had two surgeries so far, one being of the major cancer variety; Laura, my wife’s father has had a recent severe setback in his battle with dimension and hearing loss; and Laura herself has been out of work for a while now. Thus the stress levels have been high, and this is my excuse for not writing at my typical clip.

As such, today this excuse gets kicked to the curb. These books aren’t going to write themselves. Today, in my return to the Wicked Wednesday meme, I give you the first glimpse of my new big project, The Tapestry. The Tapestry will be a serial mixed of the erotic, post-apocalyptic, and space opera genres…oh, and humour. Yeah, like I can write much without some of that, eh?

So, please hop on in and use your seatbelts. Please keep your arms inside the vehicle at all times…unless the person beside you is simply too sexy and they consent. In that case, have at it…

Los Angeles —

“This was the city of Los Angeles, California.” Snow geared the shuttle engines back and allowed the vehicle to dip lower until it dropped beneath the brown clouds. “Hello, ground,” she whispered as the view through the windows cleared. “Will you be my friend?”

The antennae on most of the Archies rose on hearing this as their foreheads furrowed into horn-like protrusions. Each used their devices to snap images of the devastated city. As was the norm, none made a sound preferring to communicate telepathically around the humans rather than include them.

“Much of Earth’s entertainment was produced here,” Snow continued. She released the controls to push a strand of red hair back over her ear. This was more habit than necessity, as she would do this to make sure she could see the tour script.

Not that it was necessary anymore.

She had written the script twenty years ago when the initial requests had come from the Archie leaders for tours of the planet. They were meant to scare the Archies away from the same fate as the humans. Snow was afraid it had turned more into something they made fun of, but it still paid the bills.

At least the Archies didn’t ask rude questions. The Targus, on the other hand, were less than gracious tour guests.

Luckily there were no Targus on today’s tour.

Snow pointed to her right. “That was Mount Lee, where the infamous Hollywood sign once stood. You can still see the husks of most of the letters.” Not so famous now, she thought. Lowering her eyes, she fastened them on a rickety old house with orange siding.

Yes, orange. That it was still standing was something of a miracle, as well.

“Why did he choose orange?”

“What was your question?” the lead Archie leaned forward and asked Snow in a baritone voice.

“I’m sorry. I had a friend who lived around here.

“Ah, redundant then,” the Archie said and returned to snapping pictures of the brown ground and sky.

Snow nodded. “Redundant.” Her mind drifted…

***

Thirty years earlier…

“Orange,” Snow said with a giggle. “You painted the fucking place orange?”

“You’d rather deep purple?” Kleff stroked his goatee as in deep thought as he eyed the house.

“As a band, yes, but it would heat up under the sun too much. Orange is fine.” She smoothed out her white dress. The question of how long she would be wearing the dress kept recycling through her mind. Her eyes glanced up at him.

“A ringing endorsement, were there ever one.” He lifted the long black cigarette holder to his lips and took a long drag before expelling a mess of smoke. “You know you’re the guest of honor, right? Astronaut, extraordinaire.”

“Hah! I’m just an alternate on the Tapestry. Odds of me getting on the flight are not high.”

He shrugged and walked up the path towards the house. “Still, it’s impressive. To think they didn’t reject you from their background check means they missed some pretty big shit.”

“What, like you being gay?” She stopped for a moment. “That did strike me as odd. I guess that I have no blood relatives left made it easier for me to pass through without too strenuous of a test.”

“I just meant that I smoked,” he said before taking another drag. “That plus you coming to my sex parties.” He stepped up the cement steps to the door and pulled the screen back.

“Somebody has to,” she said with an exaggerated eye roll.

“Yeah, I know. No one else ever shows up.” He shook his head and grinned over his shoulder at her. Reaching forward, he twisted the front doorknob and pushed it open.

“Captain Windsong wants to talk to me, though. That I don’t get.”

Kleff’s eyes shifted towards the open door. “Are you going in? It’s fucking hot out here.”

“Fine, we’ll talk about it later.” She skipped up the cement steps and walked into the dark and quiet room, bracing herself for what she knew was about to come.

“SURPRISE!!!” the group roared in forced unison.

Her face contorted in the appropriate, although fake, look of shock. It was the same look she would have later as Melody and Glen took turns licking her clit to direct it towards Snow’s next squirting orgasm. This orgasm would happen during her last threesome of the night, followed by the realization that she and Kleff were the only two singles left amongst their friends.

The party would include massive amounts of alcohol, in the hopes that the Space Agency wouldn’t spring a random test on her over the next two days, mixed with massive amounts of random sex acts with her chosen family.

Body positive as Snow believed she was, the abundant sex did wonders for her cardio exercise requirements.

Kleff walked up behind and wrapped his arms around her. “This is for you, my love.” He kissed her cheek and then whispered in her ear, “Snow, what the hell are you doing?”

***

“Snow, what the hell are you doing?” Kleff’s voice rang in her earpiece and snapped her memory bubble.

She shook her head and glanced back to see the group of ten Archies all staring at her with antennae erect.

Their blue-ish skins all glistened with the sweat of nerves that were so common among their species.

Next, her eyes found the script. “Apologies for the delay,” she chirped with a smile. Her right hand kicked the engines back into gear, and the vehicle rose towards the brown clouded sky. “Two more sights, San Francisco and then Vancouver, before I take you home. I’ll push the accelerator so we can get back on schedule.”

The lead Archie clucked its tongue in disappointment. With the Archies, the choice between pushing the vessel’s speed or arriving home late would never be welcomed in any regard.

“What were you doing?” Kleff’s voice crackled in her ear again.

Rather than answer verbally, Snow waited until the vessel was moving north over the Pacific coast before typing in her response. “Looking at your old house,” she typed.

The cursor on the dashboard screen blinked at her a few times before it went solid to announce a reply was coming.

“I so owe you,” was the screen’s response. “Dinner?”

Her eyes looked up to check if there were any random, still-standing skyscrapers in the way as they approached what had been San Francisco.

Brown as the skies were, they were clear today, so all appeared safe.

“You’ve more than paid me back,” she responded on the screen. “But dinner, owed or not, hell yes.”

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