LAST UPDATED @ 11:59PM (1.3.2016)





WASHINGTON ( The Nil Admirari ) - Earlier today, Congressional Republicans announced they would use American tax dollars to build new schools when the buildings could be dropped on people and exploded. Republicans were unwilling to even discuss funding the construction of any new schools unless they could meet the needs of perpetual war."You show me plans for a school that can explode after we can drop it on people from an American aircraft, and I will show you the funding," said House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI-01).Ryan added, "But these new exploding schools better have have some pretty smart guidance systems in them, and blow whoever we are dropping them on the hell up."The United States Air Force (USAF) seemed interested in the potential of exploding schools, as it was running seriously low on ordnance to drop on people."If schools can be turned into falling bombs, we'll make Congress see their value and spend money on them," pledged an anonymous USAF source."Show me a school that can be dropped and blow people up, and I will tell the arms industry they need to share the wealth," pledged Ryan.