Some people are better at farting than others due to various anatomic differences and dietetic habits . If your anus has been widened, by for example a stint in prison, you might find it very hard to fart without soiling yourself. Conversely, if you're a tight ***, you might build too much pressure and ... you guessed it.

But you can't expect to receive a simple answer to that question because fart recognition is a skill that needs to be honed and perfected over time. Most people master this by age 4.

The Smythe Method is sometimes useful with persons who have recently waken from a coma. It's best to start out on something you don't mind soiling... like, oh I don't know... a toilet... and bring a steno pad and pencil with you. On this pad you'll need to two columns. One labeled "fart" and the other labeled "dookie".

Attempt a fart. If you find that more than wind passes your bowels, label that "dookie" Keep track of all attempts. At the end of 30 days, total up the columns. If you find you have a favorable f:d ratio is at least 98:1 (+/-1) then you're good to go! If not, then I'm afraid you'll need to keep practicing.