NOTE TO SELF:

If Ralph Dibny says he wants to “hang out”, just remember these three words: Run, Cisco. Run!

Here, I was thinking that our shared experience of being smaller than a limited edition FUNKO Pop! Figure would bring us closer together and Ralph would tone down being…Ralph. But clearly, the years of being a sleazy and manipulative private eye have given him the skills to bypass my well-tuned “bull-crap meter.”

To be fair to yours truly, with Barry in Iron Heights, Dibny knew all the right buttons to push. Saying things like: “Hey Cisco, we’re always fighting crime and taking down bad guys but we never really hang out.” OR “Hey Cisco, I know you’re writing that true-crime novel in your spare time. You wanna come by my office and talk DeVoe?” Uh… yes please!

What I thought was going to be cool bro-hang, turned out to be me cleaning his disgusting office and alphabetizing all his “old case files” like his own personal assistant. But I’m not an assistant! I’m Cisco Ramon! AKA Vibe! AKA boyfriend to one of the most kick-ass women on all 53 Earths! Homey don’t play that!

Once I figured out what Dibny was doing, I VERY angrily finished alphabetizing his case files and throwing away all his stale desk-donuts (because cleanliness is close to godliness), and I gave him a piece of my mind! He was all like: “Cisco, you’re so much smarter and better than me at organizing” AND “Cisco, I thought we were hangin’ out and being bros and talking DeVoe!” The first thing he said is true but hanging out is NOT me cleaning while he cuts out Elongated Man articles for his scrapbook!

Next time we hang out, it is on my terms!

Silver lining in this is that Ralph said he would make it up to me. Instead of hanging out at his office, he said we take a look at all of his old LPs at his storage locker downtown, which sounds of the chai… Wait, he’s totally going to have me straighten-up his storage locker, isn’t he? DAMN IT, DIBNY!