Medication can inhibit desire – here are some tips for bringing sexy back

Text Beth McColl

Antidepressants can be life-saving. They can stop you wobbling for just long enough so that you can stop a few brain leaks and learn how to cope going forward. They can stabilize your mood and keep suicidal or harmful thoughts at bay. Listen, I could VERY easily explain the Science of them, which I definitely understand, but it would be Too Smart and would make you feel bad. All you need to know is, they do some shit and some shit happens and sometimes they work really well and sometimes they don’t work at all. In both cases, though, they can have some fun side-effects, like excessive yawning or itchy hands or feeling like you never want to bonk ever again in your entire life. Very fun and cool, right? So what are you supposed to do when your medication is making you bored of making love?

DON’T FUCK ANYONE WHO’S UNSYMPATHETIC This might seem like you’re bidding farewell to all casual sexual encounters, and maybe that’s sort of the deal. But if the person you’re shagging can’t access some truly basic compassion and meet you where you’re at? Yeah, it’s a hard no from us all. Because when your sex drive goes a bit haywire you need patience and understanding. Never shame, never frustration and never ever pressure. GO SOLO You need to figure out what new limits your body has, how long things take, what extra measures you need to get yourself going. So do your own research. Get up close and problem with the problem. Investigate. What I’m saying here is: have a wank. Have several. Weave it into your morning or evening routine, or at least vow to do it at least twice or three times a week. It’s for science. GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS Often antidepressants can inhibit desire, but your bodily responses remain the same. It could be that you’re just not having sex because the idea of getting started seems boring and unappealing. This is where putting your mind to the job and trying to have sex can help. You might find that once you push through the early indifference and get aroused, everything else works pretty much the same.

UP THE ANTE If you’ve been going at it the old-fashioned way, or following the pattern that used to work before you started taking your medication, then you may need to get some new technology in the mix. Get a vibrator. Get two. Get a box of vibrators so big that the government puts you on a watch-list. Get a ridiculous medley of lubricants. A wand that rotates and lights up and sings “Toxic” by Britney. “Get a vibrator. Get two. Get a box of vibrators so big that the government puts you on a watch-list” GET SPECIFIC ABOUT THE PROBLEM Is your sex drive there but you’re finding it almost impossible to orgasm? Are you struggling to maintain your interest once you get into it? Is your dick refusing to work for more than twelve minutes? No natural lubrication even when you feel mentally turned on? Listen, I know these are awkward things to talk out loud about, I’m not asking you to call your grandma up and hash it out. But figuring it out within the safe and sticky confines of your own brain is important. Give the problem a name and then figure out how to defeat it. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR This isn’t a superficial problem and you’re allowed to be frustrated about it. Adjusting your dose can help matters, as can changing the time of day that you pop the pill, or even taking a small medication holiday to try and stimulate libido for a short period. But make sure you talk to a professional first – and don’t ever go cold turkey on your medication before speaking to someone. I did it once and thought I saw Mr. Blobby sitting at the end of my bed. Not a fun or sexy time.

Courtesy of Natalia LL and Frieze