Assalamu Alaikum,

Please do not cite Hadiths about the virility and sexual capabilities of men in Jannah, as I have read them all and have experienced a loss of iman. It has been five years since I came across this topic, and have been extremely hurt by it.

It sounds stupid, i know, but throughout my life, I depended and turned to Allah s.w.t. I never knew I would have an amazing, loving husband as I do now, but I always knew that human beings are unfaithful. People make mistakes. I always knew that if people hurt me, Allah was always there. With this hoor al ayn idea, I started to feel as though even Allah is against me, naudhubillah.

My husband tells me that he loves me dearly, and has never felt the desire for other women. I know that in Jannah (please don't tell me to worry about getting there first, because I know it is difficult to achieve, I am just tired of getting those responses from scholars), people will not feel jealousy and this is the reason I always read about: that I will not care because I will not know what jealousy feels like.

On one hand I am told that in jannah women will be more superior than hoor al ayn, and on the other hand I am told they are there for men's pleasure. It is confusing... If the wife of this world is superior, why would the man go to the other women, since she will supposedly be most beautiful and assuming that all forms of attraction are based on

appearances? Moreover, if everyone will be beautiful, will people be attracted to other people's wives or husbands? I know that women will be restricted to one man while he will be married to many hoor, but will he also be attracted to other women, or will there be purdah/separation of genders in jannah too?

I always read that it is because men are more sexual than women and this motivates them in this world to stay away from zina. People ignore the fact that women are sexual beings too.. I'm sorry if I come off as rude but I am just frustrated. I have emailed so many scholars but they either never reply, or answer by saying I won't care if my husband has one wife or a million, and to worry about gettjng to jannah! Ok brother, but how can I become a better Muslim unless this is out of my mind and I can focus on praying and improving myself? I once emailed a sister and she told me it is my fault that I feel this way, and attributed it to my lack of self esteem... Okay, since when did asking a question mean I had no self confidence?!

So please reply if you can help. Moreover, everyone says women are jealous/emotional, whereas my husband's blood boils if a man even tries to talk to me, not in a psychotic way though, just very sweet if you know what I mean. However, if a man feels concern and loves his wife, it is labeled as ghirah, but if a woman feels that way about her husband, it is automatically considered jealousy or attributed to her being "emotional by nature." Most important of all is that my husband swears he loves me only, and would love to spend his whole life with me, now and in Jannah.

He is a very righteous man, Alhamdulilah, so I take his word as I know he does not lie, and it would be meaningless if he did. Does anyone think it is possible for just a couple to share marital bliss in Jannah if the man is content with this and does not want hoor al ayn? He always tells me that if we get there inshallah, Jannah is what we want it to be, and nothing is forced on us, so if he doesn't want other wives, he won't have them. I know this should be easy to comprehend as it does make sense, but I think the hadiths and lectures on the topic have scarred me in a way that cannot be repaired.

Some hadiths say that as soon as a man gets into jannah, he will find his way to his palace better than he knew the address to his home in tis world, and there will be hoors in each corner of the house that won't see the other wives.. There are also hadiths about how a man will have a tent/pearl that is 60 miles wide and will have wives in each corner. I am sorry for this long post, extremely sorry, but this has hurt my iman and I am very sad about why I cannot move past it and just go back to normal. My main concern now, after being blessed with such an amazing husband, alhamdulilah, is whether he is right in that he will be with only me in Jannah inshallah since that is what he desires.

Also, these hadiths have make me think that Jannah is x, y, and z, as described in hadiths, and that it is impossible for anything else to occur. Perhaps this is why I am having such difficulty accepting the simple fact that Janna is indeed what we want it to be, as demonstrated by many verses of the Quran. There is also a hadith, i don't remember it exactly but I know it's somethin about how in Jannah Inshallah people will prostrate to Allah but He will tell them to stop and they obeyed enough in this dunya, and it should be enough; now is their time to relax. This once again proves my husband's point, but maybe it's paranoia.

Any help is appreciated. Last but not least, in surah Yasin verse 51 it is mentioned that on the Day of Judgment the inhabitants of Paradise will be busy enjoying themselves, and some tafsir mention that the men will be "deflowering virgins." This also adds to my confusion because it once again makes me think that everything will happen as the hadiths say, and they are no exceptions, so if my husband makes it to jannah before me, he will already be with other women.

For some reason I get scared that, I don't know, not that we will be brainwashed, that is not the word, but I get scared that when Allah makes us forget jealousy, that we will be different from how we are now, and maybe even if a husband wants to be with his wife only, he will be "re-programmed" to want the hoor al ayn. Someone once said that by refusing them, a man is insulting Allah because it is one of his blessings, as stated in Surah Ar Rahman.

Any help would be appreciated, as I am very lost and find it difficult to open the Quran, and lately have been staying away from Islamic shows because death and this topic alwayscome up, and I feel uneasy. Sorry for it being so long, but please do not delete this post. Jazak Allah!!!

- AlwaysWorried

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