What’s one good way to guarantee absolutely no Valentine’s Day sex? Take on unflattering picture of your girlfriend and auction her off on eBay.

Shuan Coles says he put girlfriend Debbie Moran — who he listed simply as “Old Woman” — for sale as a joke. He even put “lack of housework” capabilities in her product description. A mere 56 bids and an offer of $1100-plus later, Coles took Moran off the market. (We say reconsider your 56 other options, Deb.)

Coles told ITV that he “wouldn’t sell her for anything.”

“He’s trying to redeem himself,” Moran said, laughing, before shooting him a death glare. (Go to the 31-second mark in ITV’s video interview).

“I know he does love me really,” she said. “It’s just a joke that got a bit out of hand!”

Might we suggest diamonds for the 14th?

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