I tapped out the words somewhat guiltily, late at night. This was entering a corner of the internet I had never before probed, somewhere I never imagined I would go; a place of strange, even perverted ideas. “How to join the Labour Party?” I had not been to Venezuela and realised that we should emulate their economic policies, nor read the collected speeches of Diane Abbott and had a Damascene conversion. I remain a Conservative. I do not intend to vote Labour. I have simply realised that if we are to have a hope of a fully functioning political system any time soon many more of us need to join the Labour Party — and time may be running out.

Labour is preparing for thumping