PEOPLE become happiest aged 70 when other people’s opinions cease to matter, it has emerged.

Researchers found that a general sense of wellbeing started to rise from 60 onwards as people gave up trying to look presentable and bought shoes that were really comfortable and would probably outlive them.

Roy Hobbs, 69, said: “That bloke whose company I’ve tolerated since I was in my 30s because we share mutual friends dropped dead last week. It was like finding money in an old jacket.

“I didn’t even have to go to his funeral – I just cited one of the many ailments you can pretend to have at this age so people will leave you alone.

“Instead, I drove to B&Q in a tatty old Skoda to buy some potting compost, listening to Radio 2 and wearing a cardigan that had egg stains on it. It was fucking magic.”

Hobbs added: “I haven’t got dressed in a week, I can tell you every house that’s been sold on Homes Under The Hammer since 2010 and I had wine for breakfast.

“Enjoy your commute, kids.”