Bunkers | January 08, 2170

By Keith Schnabel

Meeting fellow bunker dwellers is hard. They’re either on the go avoiding drone swarms, cowering from drone storms, or sealed tightly in their impenetrable bunkers, just like you. Whether you are tired of your intimate friend group or are just ready to stop shutting people out, expanding your social circle is easy with The Mindhive’s step-by-step guide, “Making Friends and Being Influenced by People.”

Host A Dinner Party

Time to dig out your Kitchen Utensil Replica Kin™ and host a pretend funeral dinner for Grandma. Ring the carcass bell to let everyone in the colony know you’ve got fresh, uncanned chow, even though you don’t. Its horrible echo will fill your intricate tunnel network with a dreadful funerary dinner din guaranteed to attract cockroaches and radioactive rats. That’s your chance to go outside your species and get some new pals!

Get into Knock-Knock Jokes

Sure, you’re not living among the clone conformists like the above-ground Omnarchists, but when half the sector is your second cousin or a rock, everyone and everything can start to look alike. When it’s tough to tell the difference between the living and the inanimate, simply knock on their heads and if they say “Ouch” or “Who’s there?” it’s probably your cousin. If not, it’s a new gravel pal who is guaranteed to be a great listener who never talks back!

Become an Influencer

Bunker humans are all alike. So why not diversify your existing kin-friends by turning them against their true home, the Bunker? As lawless savages, you all value non-compliance, but only a daring few are cool enough to join the uprising in Sector 203C. Push them to join the cause, then push them towards the door!

Open The Hatch

Now that you have a hive of your own backing your cause, your efforts to unseal the door and join the Mindhive are no longer futile. So go ahead, open that hatch. It’s really that simple!