comparing and contrasting

I’m biased to no end, but I always did get a weird vibe from Peridot whenever we had a barn episode with Lapis. Sudden change in personality? Too much smiles? Too happy-go-lucky? Too much fanon cutesy gremlin peridot feel? I always thought I was just too attached to my own mental interpretation of Peridot and blind to actual canon Peridot, but now I can finally pin point my issue.

See, Peridot is moody, petty, loud-mouthed, egotistical, fussy brat. We first see her acting all clinical with a undercurrent of being permanently irked. Then she was the angry nuisance on the run from the Crystal Gems, and not afraid to act like a stereotypical cartoon villain with taunts. She speaks her mind, she’s full of pride, she makes the best ridiculous facial expressions of outrage. This is the Gem who called Yellow Diamond a clod.

When she becomes a Crystal Gem and starts to adapt to her freedom on Earth, when she’s most comfortable and relaxed and vulnerable - with Steven, geeking out over Kindergartens, learning about Earth, apologizing to someone - she’s still full of opinions that she’ll voice, her dorky excitement can quickly turn to temper in a second, she fidgety about expressing her emotions but eager to try because she’s just got a lot of emotions. In her calmer moments, she’s reflective and analytical, and it’s with a purpose - a goal in mind, to understand and to apply.

Peridot’s also not one to usually be surrender to something. When she’s stuck on Earth, she tries everything to get home, including sneaking into the enemy base to kidnap Steven. When she’s committing treason stopping the Cluster, she still thinks she’ll work for Yellow Diamond one day again. She can be scared, but she’ll be scared and still working towards improving her situation.

So. Her behavior with Lapis. Contradicts a lot of what I said above. True, it’s character development, and she’s her own Gem now, she can be happy and free to enjoy all her nerdy pleasures. But I always thought it was too drastic of a change.

Raising the Barn essentially told me, “You’re right. And here’s why.” Peridot’s now a cheerful goof 24/7 as not contribute negativity, she doesn’t say things that would upset Lapis, she watches her emotions, she accepts that she has “no choice”, and for someone who walked up to each of the Crystal Gems and Jasper to share her deepest feelings, she apparently gradually stopped sharing her thoughts with Lapis since ‘Barn Mates’.

I think it’s obvious to see there’s a lot of things wrong with that way of living.

Compare the Shorty Squad. We don’t even have to bring Amethyst into this. Peridot’s friendship with Steven is one of the most important relationship she has, one of the closest, and has been through a lot of really high ups and really low downs. But Peridot can still express all her full range of emotions with him. She infodumps her passions, she throw tantrums, she snarks, she apologizes at her own pace but with full sincerity, she shares quiet insights with him. But they’re both on equal standing. She’s never scared, and her curiosity shines through, that pure genuine desire to connect and find a peace.

(I am absolutely, most definitely not saying Lapis was doing all this to peridot on purpose. Peridot’s right: she’s been through a lot, she needed someone to be there for her. But you can always hurt someone through carelessness or without meaning to. But the reality is that it happened. People got hurt from your actions. Blame and guilt and intentions, whether you’re a good person or bad person, it’s all unproductive to feel or discuss; all there is, is an obligation to make things right. You acknowledge your mistakes. Sometimes you accept it’s permanent. You fix them to the best of your ability. You move on.)

(I hope she can find that peace one day soon)