Encounter #: 1

Roach Instance: Fad Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Riven Mercer, Kiryu Labs anomalous item processing

Description: Fad Roach's anomaly manifests in its unusual preoccupation with following popular human behavioral trends, such as dieting, specialized exercise regimens, and intelligent technology for the home environment. Individuals who encounter Fad Roach will take note of its overzealous desire to be seen as hip and stylish.

Fad Roach Intake Log Interview Dr. Mercer: Where did you get that? Are you sure it’s good for your digestive system? Fad Roach: [eats] Dr. Mercer: Do you think Sad Roach would be happy that you’re so obsessed with dieting? Is this new cleanse really necessary? Fad Roach: [eats] Dr. Mercer: Isn’t this the third diet you’ve tried in the last week? Fad Roach: [eats] Dr. Mercer: Fad Roach, no.

Encounter #: 3

Roach Instance: Pad Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Graham

Description: Pad Roach lives in Brookland, USA, and has a wife and two kids. Pad Roach makes a living selling vinyl padding to nearby apartments and shops.

Pad Roach Intake Log Interview Dr. Graham: Hello, Pad Roa— Pad Roach: Why hello! Would you be interested in purchasing these state-of-the-art vinyl pads? They keep rain, mud, and other bothersome substances away from your building's interior. All you have to do is place the, by your door and BOOM! Your home is instantly free of dirt and water leakage! Dr. Graham: … I, uh— Pad Roach: Great! That will be— Dr. Graham: Pad Roach, NO!

Encounter #: 4

Roach Instance: Chad Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Broseph Broski

Description: Chad Roach's anomaly manifests in how awesome he is. He's such a bro and everyone loves him. Whenever anyone is around Chad Roach, they better be prepared, because it gets wild wherever he is! Those near Chad Roach will also experience an undying devotion to the fraternity Rho Omicron Alpha Chi. Chad Roach wears a small, roach-sized baseball cap backward on its head.

Chad Roach Intake Log Interview Dr. Broski: Bro, you need to not drink so much. Chad Roach: [drinks beer] Dr. Broski: Bro, for real, man, that's like your hundredth beer. Chad Roach: [passes out from alcohol content] Dr. Broski: CHAD ROACH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Encounter #: 5

Roach Instance: Vlad Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Reynard, Goetics

Description: Vlad Roach's anomaly manifests in its taste for human blood, as well as its unusually dark coloration, bat shaped wings, and abnormally large mandibles. Vlad Roach wears a roach sized black cloak at all times, and never drinks… wine.

Vlad Roach Intake Log Interview Dr. Reynard: What do you have to gain by drinking blood, Vlad Roach? Vlad Roach: [continues to drink Dr. Reynard's blood] Dr. Reynard: Please stop sucking my blood, and answer the question, Vlad Roach. Was your unholy pact with dark forces what drove Sad Roach to that dark place in his life? Vlad Roach: [continues to drink Dr. Reynard's blood] Dr. Reynard: Vlad Roach, n- (Dr. Reynard is rendered unconscious due to blood loss.)

Encounter #: 6

Roach Instance: Tad Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Benny Ferris-Reiner.

Description: Tad Roach's anomaly manifests in it's ability to convince all personnel interviewing it, regardless of prior characteristics, that they are a father in the 1950s and Tad Roach is their son. Other characteristics include its small size, quiet weedy voice, stupid beanie hat and hangdog look, as well as persistent failure at sports and other manly athletic activities

Tad Roach Intake Log Interview Dr. Ferris-Reiner: Now, why do you keep dawdling on the sidelines instead of being a team player? Tad Roach: I dunno, dad. Dr. Ferris-Reiner: No son of mine is gonna be a ween! Are you a filthy ween, Tad Roach? I don't want to see my son end up a sports-hating ween! Tad Roach: No, dad! I'm not a ween! I just wanna do something else besides sports! Dr. Ferris-Reiner: Tad Roach, no!

Encounter #: 7

Roach Instance: Plaid Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Westrin

Description: Plaid Roach anomaly manifests in its excessive cursing and the ability to generate tiny roach sized plaid kilts out of nowhere.

Plaid Roach Intake Log Interview Dr. Westrin: Hello Plaid Roach. Plaid Roach: [Tiny, high pitched noises are heard from Plaid Roach, most of them being extremely creative insults about Dr. Westrin's ancestor's goats.] Dr. Westrin: How dare you, Plaid Roach! That's it, no more kilt for today! Plaid Roach: [Plaid Roach pulls out a very tiny set of bagpipes and begins to violently assault Dr. Westrin's ears.] Dr. Westrin: Plaid Roach, no!

Encounter #: 8

Roach Instance: Ad Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Agent Gummy Dragon

Description: Ad Roach's anomaly manifests in its ability to convince humans to purchase any item. It wears a roach sized business suit. Any items purchased will invariably be of poor quality, and any attempts to buy replacements will result in additional purchases.

Ad Roach Intake Log Interview Agent Gummy Dragon: Do you realize how much money we've spent buying your stuff? The coffee machine and microwave you sold us broke down in seconds! Ad Roach: If you don't like them, we'll replace them for free! Agent Gummy Dragon: That actually sounds great! Ad Roach: And for today only, we'll throw in a water cooler for just $99.99! Agent Gummy Dragon: Ad Roach, no!

Encounter #: 9

Roach Instance: Grad Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Taylor Itkin, [REDACTED]

Description: Grad Roach graduated from Really Organized and Awesome College of Hard-Work (ROACH) in the year ████. Grad Roach is the brother of SCP-723-J and the son of Dad Roach. Grad Roach has no observable anomaly. It wears a tiny, roach-sized graduation gown and cap.

Grad Roach Intake Log Interview Dr. Itkin: We're all proud of you, Grad Roach. I know Dad Roach is proud of you. Grad Roach: [tosses tiny, roach-sized graduation cap into the air] Dr. Itkin: Sad Roach would have been proud too. Grad Roach: [sheds a single, roach-sized tear, looks at tiny, roach-sized diploma] Dr. Itkin: [pats on back] Grad Roach…no.

Encounter #: 10

Roach Instance: Notepad Roach

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Westrin

Description: Notepad Roach's anomaly manifests as the ability to carry objects of any size and mass without difficulties. However, Notepad Roach chooses to use its incredible abilities to carry around a pencil and notepad, and is Dr. Westrin's assistant.