George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster

You’re not going to get any younger, you know

Winter is coming, I’m growing impatient

And you’ve still got two more damn books left to go

So write, George, write like the wind!

I curse the day that my friend ever loaned me

An old dog-eared paperback called Game of Thrones

How could I know that this seed would grow into

An addiction that held me, right down to my bones

Now, five books later, I lurk with the masses

Indignant, entitled, and waiting for word

That the great Bearded Glacier has finally published

Nine hundred more pages of crack for the nerds

Why does every new verse of your song

Keep taking you so goddamn long?

George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster

please give us boiled leather, and sigils and steel

We need our allotment of incest and intrigue

And six page descriptions of every last meal

So write, George, write like the wind!

Lewis took five years to chronicle Narnia

Tolkien had twelve years, and Rowling took ten

Lucas spent nearly three decades on Star Wars

And we all know how that one turned out in the end

You’re not our bitch, and you’re not a machine

And we don’t mean to dictate how you spend your days

But please, bear in mind, in the time that you’ve had,

William Shakespeare churned out thirty-five friggin’ plays

And if you keep writing so slow

You’ll hold up the HBO show

George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster

‘cause we won’t stop whining until we’re appeased

Crap out the chapters–and George, while you’re at it

Stop killing our favorite characters, please

And write, George, write…like the wind!

(George R.R. Martin, please write, and write faster

Before you are dead, George, please write like the wind)