compiled by Rivers McCown

IF THE ALTERNATIVE IS YOU, I LIKE HER CHANCES IN THE POWER-I

"I do stink. We all stink. When it comes to 0-6, everybody stinks. We've all, in some way, shape or form have not been good enough, and that's what I meant with those comments. I don't care if it's the front-desk secretary -- she ain't doing a good enough job. Everybody's in this thing together." -- Dolphins running back Reggie Bush, on his team's awful start (Palm Beach Post)

I MEAN, THE ONLY GUY WHO EVER HAD RESPECT FOR HIM WAS KIKI VANDEWEGHE

"Do I need Rodney White’s respect? No. leave it at that." -- Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh, on comments by Falcons receiver Roddy White. (Twitter)

TRY BUILDING YOUR NEXT STADIUM INSIDE THE TOP KITCHEN CABINET

"If we never saw him again, that would be too soon." -- Colts president Bill Polian, on Saints running back and noted Colts tormentor Darren Sproles (Los Angeles Times)

CARFOX, SPACE COYOTE, SAME THING

"Every soul comes with a CarFax." -- Texans running back Arian Foster, on how he knows about his past lives (Twitter)

WELL OBVIOUSLY HE'S GOT NOTHING ON NOTED SUPERSTAR GREG MCELROY

"If it happens, Luck’s draft stock will fall. If he plays an SEC team, his stock will fall. I ain’t got nothing against him. He’s a Pac-12 guy. I’m not a Pac 12 fan at all, I’m an SEC guy. But if he ever plays against an SEC school, Alabama, LSU, that draft stock is going to fall. That will be one game they just don’t show the scouts." -- 49ers defensive tackle Ricky Jean-Francois, on a potential Stanford-LSU national championship game (The Press Democrat)

SOUNDS MORE FUN THAN WATCHING LAST MONDAY NIGHT'S TAPE

"All I know is my dad, when we used to get a little out of control, he used to grab us both by the back of the head and knock our foreheads together. It would be a ‘head clunk,’ we would call it. He’d clunk our heads together. That’ll get your attention pretty quickly, so I hope he doesn’t have to clunk our heads together after the game. He wouldn’t take a side. He’d be doing the head clunking I think." -- Ravens coach John Harbaugh, on the potential for a handshake brouhaha against brother Jim when Baltimore faces the 49ers on Thanksgiving (Sports Radio Interviews)

CITIZENS OF TORONTO, BE FOREWARNED

"This is no knock on the citizens of Toronto. We know a large percentage of our fan base comes from Canada, and we're appreciative of their support. But at the same time, the environment is just not the same. That's just facts." -- Bills safety George Wilson, on Buffalo's latest "home game" in Toronto (AP)

IT'S A BRAND NEW ERA, IT FEELS GREAT, IT'S A BRAND NEW ERA, BUT IT CAME TOO LATE

"I don't think that this is the end. In fact, I look at it as a beginning." -- UCLA head coach Rick Neuheisel, on UCLA's dismal loss to Arizona last week (Twitter)

DEAR MR. GOODELL: THERE ARE TOO MANY WEEKS, PLEASE ELIMINATE TWO. P.S. I AM NOT A CRACKPOT

"In my 12th year, any time the bye week comes is the right time." -- Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (Sports Radio Interviews)

I WAS CONFUSED BECAUSE THE SCOREBOARD SAID SOMETHING DIFFERENT

"I like to keep my personal goals to myself. As far as the team, I like our chances. I feel like, it may sound crazy, I think we are unbeatable. I think the losses, we lost those games ourselves." -- Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant, on his goals (The Dallas Morning News)

HEY KIDS, WE'RE EATIN DINNER TONIGHT! COME ON TIFFANY, HEATHER, CODY, DYLAN, DERMOTT, JORDAN, TAYLOR, BRITNEY, WESLEY, RUMOR, SCOUT, CASSIDY, ZOE, CHLOE, MAX, HUNTER, KENDALL, KAITLIN, NOAH, SASHA, MORGAN, KYRA, IAN, LAUREN, HUBERT, PHIL...

"Maybe if I thought about it, (but) I don’t know if I could list them off to you right now," -- Houston quarterback Case Keenum, asked if he could recall all nine touchdown passes he threw in breaking the NCAA career touchdowns record (AP)

APPARENTLY HE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO STUDY THE PUBLIC RELATIONS PLAYBOOK EITHER

"I think if you talk to Carson, and really I didn’t hear it that way because I didn’t look at it, but when I said to Carson ‘hey look do you want to go into this game and get some reps?’ He said ‘yes.’ That’s what the conversation was. If Carson Palmer would’ve said no then Carson Palmer never would’ve been in the game." -- Raiders coach Hue Jackson, on Carson Palmer's debut (Sports Radio Interviews)

"I was told I was not going to play. I didn't know the offense, I also hadn't been training and working out. So it was a complete shock to me at halftime when [Coach Jackson] told me, 'Hey, you know we're going to get you in, in the third quarter.' I knew like about 15 plays and we ran the same 15 plays over and over again" -- Palmer's side of the story (Shutdown Corner)

CLEARLY THE PROBLEM IS THAT THEY AREN'T DISTRACTED ENOUGH IN THE RED ZONE

"We think that's going to be something that adds to the atmosphere, too." -- Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly, on possibly adding a jumbotron to Notre Dame Stadium (AP)

THIS IS THE WORST KIND OF DISCRIMINATION: THE KIND AGAINST ME

"If you are watching the game and you can’t tell what's going on with the run game, then I'd say you really don’t know football." -- Titans running back Chris Johnson, following another dismal effort by the Tennessee running game (Twitter)

YES, I DON'T KNOW WHY ANYONE WOULD PULL FOR THEIR TEAM TO ACQUIRE ANDREW LUCK WHEN THEY COULD BE ROOTING FOR MATT MOORE TO STICK A FIVE-YARD OUT TO YOU

"It's sick, actually. I can't even fathom those thoughts of those people that conjure up that stuff. They have never played sports and pretty much aren't really our loyal fans. I can't really put any weight into that and I know the players don't listen to it. It's a shame, but people are going to talk and we just have to block that out." -- Dolphins tight end Anthony Fasano, on the "Suck For Luck" campaign (Shutdown Corner)

EMBRACING THE WHAM CONCEPT VERBALLY

"He'll have fun watching the film today, we'll just say that. He didn't really do a whole lot yesterday. He'll have fun." -- Jets safety Jim Leonhard, on the squawking of Chargers tight end Randy McMichael (Newark Star-Ledger)

I DON'T KNOW YOU! LET GO OF MY PURSE!

"From what I hear, it didn’t show on the TV copy. But if you watch the game, you can clearly see he kind of picked me up in mid-air, put me on the back, and then presumed to come toward me. So automatically I went into defense mode." -- Vikings defensive end Brian Robison, on why he kicked Packers lineman T.J. Lang in the crotch (Green Bay Press-Gazette)

BERNARD! DON'T BE A TUNAHEAD!

"You can't say, 'Go get in a car crash, but be careful.' You can't do that." -- Ravens safety Bernard Pollard, on a dubious personal foul penalty against him during Monday Night Football (MASN)

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