CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Prime Minister Scott Morrison will today launch a pre-election climate change policy, pledging $2 billion for projects to bring down Australia’s emissions.

“I guess I’ll probably get voted out if I don’t give these lefties a bone” said a frustrated Nightwatchman.

“Well, I won’t but Tony definitely will [hahaha]”

“Anyway. You can have two billion for this leftie suedoscience, but only because I’m having trouble arguing against all the the bushfires and floods”

“Also, you’ve gotta let me build my submarines”

The new program will provide funding for farmers, businesses and local governments for projects such as revegetating land, reducing bushfire risk and replacing lighting and refrigeration systems – without really looking looking too far into the effects the coal and cotton industries have on the environment.

The Climate Solutions Fund is an extension of former prime minister Tony Abbott’s Emissions Reduction Fund – and is expected to last around ten years – so will be wrapping up roughly around the same time the Liberals get back in – and around the time the Murdoch media will begin politicising the brown skinned environmental refugees who will be fleeing rising waters in Polynesia.

Mr Morrison is expected to unveil the policy in Melbourne this morning.