I Know This Is an Anarchist Bookstore, but Would It Kill You to Have a J.K. Rowling Section?

This is a really great shop you have here, you know? I love stopping at Into the Woods Literature to find new ideas that really inspire my anarchist blog. It’s such a great setup- radical eco-anarchy in the front, anarcho-communism down the side aisles, and the hardcore anarchoprimitivism stuff in the back. And you even have a little area for coffee and readings right smack in the middle. Love it.

Yes, I’m a bonafide anarchist 24 hours a day. But you know… I’m also a Slytherin.

If we’re being realistic, you and I can’t ever really escape civilization, right? We’re working towards a stateless existence but we’re far from it. So like, I have some suggestions that could really help turn around this store.

For example, after this errand I’m still going to have to stop at Barnes & Noble to pick up some stuff. Specifically, the “Crimes of Grindelwald” Original Screenplay from J.K. Rowling. I mean, come on- most of your customers are going to buy it at some point. You can’t JUST read anarchist literature and fall asleep quickly at night; let’s get some fun escapism up in here!

And while the coffee area is super cute and bohemian and super authentic, there is actually plenty of room for one of those small Starbucks kiosks. Think of how many people will squeeze into your store every fall when the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back. Omg SO many!

And honestly, we might be thinking a little too small here. I have one word for you: “franchising.” I see no reason why there couldn’t be an Into the Woods Literature in The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando. We might have to change the name to like, “Prof. McGonagall’s Library/Anarcho-Commie Rags”. We can focus group that.

Maybe we could pitch this to some angel investors? I have a sweet hookup in Silicon Valley. His startup is doing SO well. Honestly, I could probably get you in on the ground floor if you want to invest. We should probably lose the whole “anarchy” thing though, makes us sound like a bunch of weirdos.