Olympic Rower To Rio Critics: ‘I Will Row Through Shit For You, America’

The 2016 Summer Olympic Games in Rio have been under intense scrutiny for several months now thanks to mutilated corpses washing ashore where they’re supposed to be playing beach volleyball, unfinished stadiums and living quarters, high crime, police welcoming tourists at the Rio airport with “Welcome to Hell” signs, the Brazilian president getting impeached and of course, severe water pollution.

Hell, just a few days ago, health officials in Brazil warned Olympic athletes participating in aquatic sports to keep their mouths closed because of a “superbacteria” floating through the water thanks to a massive raw sewage problem.

But at least one person doesn’t give a shit about what we writers and bloggers have to say about the problems plaguing the upcoming Olympic Games in Rio. In fact, she is willing to literally “row though shit” for the honor to represent the United States next month.



If you’re telling your coworkers today that nobody loves America more than you, well, you’re wrong. That honor belongs to American crew rower Megan Kalmoe, who penned what is perhaps the most patriotic piece of literature this country has seen since Thomas Paine’s “Common Sense” on her blog last week.

The entire post is a must-read, as it outlines why she believes the criticism of Rio not only undermines the unbelievable efforts put forth by thousands of workers to ensure the success of the Games but also the hard work and training American athletes have undertaken for the love of their country and countrymen and women.

Team processing is underway in Houston! Having a great time, everyone here is so awesome and helpful! #riobound #rowtorio A photo posted by Megan Kalmoe (@megankalmoe) on Jul 27, 2016 at 9:26am PDT



But this excerpt from the end of her post stands out from the rest of it and will pump your veins so full of Americanism that some of us might actually get on a plane, fly down to Rio and stand alongside that lagoon of shit to cheer her on in her pursuit of a gold medal for our country:

“We are doing this for you, after all. We are American, and we are going to Rio to represent you in this potentially flawed and imperfect setting that you are trying so desperately to get the public to love to hate. We are going to compete for medals to bring them home to you, and for you so that the US has a good shot at winning the medal tally again in Rio. We go to Rio and face incredible odds, some of us, for you so that you will be proud of us, and proud of supporting Team USA.

We are supposed to be a Team–all of us–and those of you covering our stories, and those of you resting comfortably in your intellectual armchairs are supposed to have our backs. All of us owe something to our nation for getting us this far, or for believing in us, and competing under our shared colors is our way of expressing our gratitude to you. So tell me again why you want to talk about poop?

If you are that insecure about where we stand, America, let me be the one to say it. I’ll say it, if it will allay your fears and put some of these issues to rest:

I will row through shit for you, America.

And I will do it gladly, and proudly, because rowing on this Team in Rio is not something I’m afraid of, or going to complain about. I will do it, and I will defend fiercely the dignity of the people who are doing their best to make everyone happy while we are all guests in their beautiful country. I will do it, and I will try to discourage you from taking away even the tiniest bit of magic or excitement from a single one of my teammates who have earned this trip with their blood and sweat, and all of whom deserve to have a really positive experience in Rio.”

Boom. America!

Mikaela Mayer will also have you glued to your TVs: 11 Reasons To Watch The Rio Olympics