Accepting reality

Coming to terms with our mortality is a challenge faced by us all. But accepting death can be hugely problematic. We each have to find our own way to process the reality of dying. But faith can help, as can taking a practical approach.

For example, accepting that life has a finite span focuses the attention, enabling us to take stock of our lives and think about the possibilities still ahead. We may ask ourselves searching questions, such as what impact do we want to make on the world? And what do we want our legacy to be?

Discussing death and mortality

Death is a subject most of us avoid discussing but talking about it can help reposition how we feel about our mortality. We all want a good death, to die well, but what does that actually mean?

Perhaps it’s taking the time to consider what would be the best possible death experience for you. For example, who would you like to be with you? What might be your last wishes? Make the most of now to give full consideration to these questions.

Emotional and spiritual work

Beyond the practical there is emotional and spiritual work to be done to come to terms with the inevitability of death. Thinking about your life ending can be anxiety provoking, so make time for periods of calm, contemplative reflection. This time should help you to see things more clearly, making it easier to take the necessary steps toward living the best version of your life.

Controlling anxiety about dying

Accepting your mortality can also be freeing, as one of the consequences can be making more conscious choices in the present. Indeed if we can strive to control how anxiety about death impacts upon us, we can avoid potentially negative or destructive behaviour and focus positively on the time we have.

It’s said that to remind himself of the shortness of life, the Italian saint Charles Borromeo kept a human skull on a little table in his house. That might be a bit too much for us today, and yet, the reality is that death can happen at any moment.

Fr Neil McNicholas, author of A Catholic Approach to Dying, says: “The thought that ‘each day you awaken could be the last you have’ could sound very depressing, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Becoming comfortable with the reality of death

“What it means is that the more comfortable we become with the reality of death, and the less we deny it, the more positively attuned we’ll be to the day-to-day things that remind us of our mortality.”

He gives an example: “What kind of send-off do we give our children and spouses when they, or we, leave home in the morning for school or work? Could we, or they, live with the memory of the last thing that was said or done in the tragic event that it actually was the last thing?”

Read about making the most of now.

Remembering and ‘memento mori’

The fact is, an awareness of our mortality can lead us to behave differently in the present. In the Middle Ages, the Black Death claimed the lives of about a third of the entire population of Europe. As a result, the catchphrase ‘memento mori’ (remember death) became very well-known and deeply shaped the way people lived their lives.

The popular medieval play Everyman, for example, reminded everyone that the only thing that will be of any value at the end of life are our good deeds.