Want to be a failed musician? Tena koe, you’ve taken the first step.



This item fits the broad definition of an electric bass guitar. It’s an Ashton, I got it when I was 16 and stupid. Now I just want to get rid of it.



COOL FEATURES

- Bent neck which makes it virtually unplayable

- E string tuning key is buggered. You can’t tighten the string at all. The poor string just hangs all floppy-like, longing for a host instrument that’s not such a mediocre clusterf*** of wood, plastic and metal mashed together by some child slaves in Bangladesh.

- Dust build-up resulting from 7 years of (deserved) neglect.



If you’re in a try-hard death metal band, you could smash this thing around in your Sony handycam music video in an attempt to look intimidating. Other potential uses include:

- A door stop

- A Christmas present for a naughty child

- A heavy, close-range weapon in the event of a zombie apocalypse

- An oar in case of tsunami or biblical flood

- A weight for body disposal at sea

- I suppose you could harvest it for parts or something. Can you even do that with bass guitars? I don’t know. It’s probably not worth the effort though.



I’m also selling the bag that came with it in another auction because I’ll probably get a higher price for it. Check it out if you’re after something marginally more useful.



All proceeds go towards paying for a $40,000 piece of paper.



P.S. Don’t expect me to try and ship this. I cannot be bothered. You can come and pick it up. I’ll leave it out by the letterbox for you so we don’t have to interact. I hate people.

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