“I know I’m going to do something silly. I don’t want to but I can’t do this,” wrote Vikki Thompson, the 21-year-old transgender woman found dead in a male prison in 2015.

Her partner of four years, Robert Steele, had phoned HMP Leeds to warn staff that Vikki was vulnerable. Like many young trans people, she had a history of abuse, self-harm and addiction, and had been raped by a family friend when she was 12. Last week the jury at her inquest found that her treatment in Leeds prison was inadequate, and lacked professionalism. She had told prison staff she would “leave in a box”. She also suffered multiple incidents of sexual harassment, transphobic abuse and bullying inside.

Where is the uproar? Where are the radio discussions about how this was allowed to happen? Where are the TV debates asking what more can be done to protect trans youth? Where is the moral outrage that our society is failing people so desperately in need of help? Where is the feminist response? Why the almost complete silence about this poor young woman and the circumstances that led to her death?

All the Barbican centre in London has to do is stick a sign saying “gender neutral” on its toilets and suddenly “trans issues” are front-page news. Jenni Murray comes up with the groundbreaking idea that trans women shouldn’t call themselves “real women”, and the Sunday Times magazine frees up a whole four pages. Last week I was invited on to ITV’s This Morning to debate with a cut-price Katie Hopkins on whether schools have a right to stop boys wearing skirts. Why don’t people like her get as upset about dead trans people as they do about what we wear when we’re alive?

So why isn’t my phone ringing now? I’m usually inundated with requests to talk about “transgender issues”. When Kellie Maloney came out as trans in 2014, I was invited on to every news show in Britain. Earlier this year I woke up to a voicemail from a producer at the BBC’s Woman’s Hour, asking me if I’d like to discuss the oh so pressing issue of the NHS referring to “pregnant people” rather than “pregnant women”.

So let me ask the question no one else seems interested in: why did a transgender woman who had been presenting as female for years die in a male prison at 21? She changed her name to Vikki at 17. Everyone in her home town of Keighley knew her as a woman – but she was not given support to transition physically because doctors told her she needed to tackle her drug and alcohol problems. But why did she have those problems in the first place? As a trans woman myself, I can make an educated guess.

When I transitioned the NHS let me down, and I had to wait almost two years to receive the hormone treatments and physical interventions that would go on to make my life much easier. During that period I was depressed, suicidal and taking a great deal of drugs to cope. Like Vikki, I ended up going to prison.

Dean Spade’s book Normal Life describes the spiral ending in prison that is so often the way for trans kids once they commit any misdemeanour. Vikki needed support for her mental health, not to be sent to a male prison – a cruel and unusual punishment, particularly if healthcare is withheld. The jury at the inquest may have found that she was placed in the “right” prison for her but as Professor Steven Whittle – who co-founded the lobbying organisation Press for Change, which provides legal advice to trans people – said: “She should have been treated like any other young woman entering prison.”

Unless it’s going to help people like Vikki, what's the point of increasing awareness of transgender people?

The truth is that we would probably have never heard Vikki’s story if she hadn’t died in prison, but Britain is full of Vikki Thompsons – thousands of young trans people up and down the country missing out on fulfilling their potential because of prejudice, ignorance and discrimination. Nearly half of young trans people in Britain have attempted suicide. Why aren’t we having a public debate about that?

Because, unless it’s going to help people like Vikki, what exactly is the point of increasing the public’s awareness of transgender people? Trans people wanted society to be aware of our existence so we could identify, discuss and end the prejudice and discrimination we face. In reality we seem to have opened ourselves up to even more stigma as an endless parade of ignorant pundits use trans people as data points in academic debates and spread their rude, misinformed and unnecessary opinions about us.

In 2017 everyone and their dog seems to have something stupid to say about trans people – but while we’re busy hearing that Fay Weldon thinks some people are trans just “for fashion”, young people like Vikki are dying alone in the dark.

When will the public’s fascination with trans people and how we live our lives end? Well now we know: when a trans person dies as a clear result of systemic prejudice, discrimination and lack of support. The media is obsessed with trans people – unless we’re being raped, murdered or driven to suicide. Then suddenly no one wants to know.

If you use trans people to make academic points or prattle on about issues of identity but have nothing to say about the stigma and lack of support that leads to the deaths of people like Vikki Thompson – shame on you.