Reddit is the best possible argument anyone can muster against direct democracy: a perfect cross section of the internet and all horrible people on it. It's bloated with racism, depravity, more racism, but moreover with an incredibly diverse array of strange and absurd subcultures.


For those who haven't ventured beyond the site's main page, which nicely aggregates all the stuff your friends are going to post on your wall at some point today, once you walk past Reddit's reception desk, you enter the world of the subreddit—specialized categories that cater to everything from depression to Ubuntu, and, probably, depressed Ubuntu users (is there any other kind?). Here are nine of unabashedly craziest:


This one is pretty straightforward. You take a toy (preferably an impossible-breasted anime figure, but a GI Joe would do in a pinch) and then, yeah.

Sample Post: cumming on her plastic tits

Sample Comment: "Any chance you can post pics of it without the cum?"


Do you like photos and long videos of people popping zits, squeezing pus bubbles, and removing cysts? You're not alone! So does this completely mentally shitfucked multitude. OK, it's actually kind of vicariously satisfying to watch a zit pop. What?


Sample Post: Rivers of pus and blood (Go Bears!)

Sample Comment: "at 2:00, it looks like an eye crying tears of blood."


If you're headed for /r/popping and type too quickly, you might land in a frightful mistake! There is only one topic here—everyone else is over at the self-explanatory and frightfully well-trafficked /r/poop—which is shocking given everything else we know about Reddit.


Sample (Only) Post: i lika to poo poo

Sample Comment: "Why is this subreddit not enormously popular?!?!"


As soon as you click this link, you'll be overwhelmed by the scent of Axe body spray. Seduction is a subreddit wherein dudes discuss literally the exact opposite of seduction—exchanging pickup lines like "your tits are huge" and "I'd fuck you on the hood of this car if you weren't so ugly." In a sci-fi dystopia, most of these people would be rounded up and preemptively arrested, but haha, they're all going to die regretting most of their lives anyway.


Sample Post: Approaching women at college while they're walking around campus

Sample Comment: "If I went in with "Hey, what you listening to?" Then go from there. Would it not seem like I was trying pretty hard, and it was not casual since I had to take her headphones off?

Walking with headphones in approaches are my toughest."


Fucking wow.


Man, I'm not even really sure here.

Sample Post: Birthday BJ by a Blonde and Brunette.

Oh.

Sample Comment: "Fuck yeah, Asians!"


These guys really, really like discussing gangs and gang violence. I guess you have to be interested in something.


Sample Post: gangs, gangs, gangs

Sample Comment: "Geraldo speaks to youths that join gangs and shows a video clip of a gang initiation."



A community of internet people who think not jerking off anymore will give their bodies increased powers and experience "increased happiness throughout their lives." But remember: ""Fapping" may or may not include "edging," which is physical stimulation without orgasm. Some count it; some don't. Your call." The choice is yours.


Sample Post: Ain't touchin' nothin'!

Sample Comment: "The first week was pretty easy, but it is getting harder (more challenging) now. I just had a flood of negative thoughts, and it made me want to go fap. But I decided no, I've got these problems and I need to face them head on rather than fap them away."



Lonely people who will never reproduce with anyone even if they wanted to, and have sublimated their isolation into a cause: child free and PROUD.


Sample Headline: Is anyone terrified of being alone?

Sample Comment: "I hate being around puke and I hate having my sleep interrupted. Both of them get under my skin. Given how much that would bother me, It honestly wouldn't even matter if I loved kids. I can't have them."



Is there any way to somehow make internet porn less sexy and more confusing? If only... Wait! I've got it! Let's use Bitcoin to "tip" attention-deprived Reddit users into showing their vag parts using a currency of zero value that very few people know how to use! It's the perfect mix of desperation and pseudo-economics.


Sample Post: Video Bounties expired 8( Instructions for refund

Sample Comment: "Please return 1 BTC to 1Kk2kwreLX7uMSQyX1LKqiNFZmMrKqpxTC.

Signed("I (whitslack) <3 Bitcoin on 2-May-2012") == "HEWYtYOTDdbQ3MasWrTTcG/w7czp2DD82XqrzBZXrgETcenhoR2dVFcXDhat/CUVxj31jl7srTsxnhxbPkxmCjI="

(You should always include your identity and the date in any message you sign, to prevent MITM and replay attacks.)"


Some honorable mentions cited by Redditors who've seen it all: /r/spacedicks, /r/ClopClop



Update: Wow. This.

Photos: BelleMedia/Shutterstock, Robert Adrian Hillman/Shutterstock, Firma V/Shutterstock