What do the following phrases or sayings have in common?

first-year experience

fast-track MBA

be the difference

cure violence

student life

students with diabetes

one course at a time

touched by a nurse

we’re conquering cancer

working toward a world without cancer

imagination beyond measure

tomorrow starts here

The surprising answer (as revealed in an article by Jacob H. Rooksby in The Chronicle of Higher Education) is that using any of them just might get you sued by a university or college. Various institutions have obtained federal trademark registrations on the phrases, presumably to stop other people from using them in any context remotely related to education. The details:

first-year experience has been trademarked by the University of South Carolina

fast-track MBA has been trademarked by Eastern University

be the difference has been trademarked by Marquette University

cure violence has been trademarked by the University of Illinois

student life has been trademarked by Washington University in St. Louis

students with diabetes has been trademarked by the University of South Florida

one course at a time has been trademarked by Cornell College

touched by a nurse has been trademarked by the University of Colorado

we’re conquering cancer has been trademarked by the University of Texas

working toward a world without cancer has been trademarked by the University of Kansas Hospital

imagination beyond measure has been trademarked by the University of Virginia

tomorrow starts here has been trademarked by East Carolina University

And it’s not as if universities won’t act in defense of their trademarked property. The University of Alabama has made legal threats against a cake shop; East Carolina University sued Cisco; West Virginia University sued a company selling blue-and-gold shirts (they said “Let’s Go Drink Some Beers!”—which WVU claimed was too close to their trademarked “Let’s Go Mountaineers!”).

It is depressing to see universities acting like the trademark equivalent of patent trolls. So let’s all use as many of the above phrases as we can, to reduce to absurdity their claims that they are trademarks. C’mon, be the difference! With only first year experience, we can do this, one course at a time. We’re conquering trademark hoarding; working toward a world without patent trolls. With imagination beyond measure, maybe we can cure violence and students with diabetes too. You never know. Tomorrow starts here.

A version of this post appeared on Language Log.