Recently our own Prince of the Force Mark Hamill came forward to thank Bookmans Information Exchange for returning a signed copy of the original Star Wars Soundtrack (on vinyl!) signed by none other than the maestro, John Williams. The record in question had gone missing under suspicious circumstances in the 1990s. While the story is amazing for the honesty and virtue in returning this nefariously stolen property to Hamill, we here at FakingStarWars decided it was a good opportunity to relay the TOP TEN other Star Wars items that Mark has misplaced over the years, which somehow found their way back to him.

10. His Original A New Hope Lightsaber

Somehow this prop found its way into the purse of Daisy Ridley, who proudly presented Hamill with it at the beginning of shooting his scenes on Skellig Michael for The Last Jedi. Hamill was so surprised and grateful that this item was returned to him, that he freaked out and chucked the collectible into the Irish Sea never to be seen again.

9. Luke’s Undies

It’s well known that there is no underwear in space, which is why this item was so rare. Apparently on the first day of shooting A New Hope in Tunisia, George Lucas screamed at Mark to “Get those whitey tighties off!” Mark had to find a secluded dune to strip down to his birthday suit, and hid the item away in the sand. Fortunately, in the late 90s, Lucas unearthed the forgotten undies, while filming the prequel trilogy and mailed them back to Hamill for posterity.

8. Original Script for A New Hope

Taking a cue from John Boyega, Hamill quickly “lost” his copy of the script for A New Hope after news broke that Rise of Skywalker was nearly ruined by John Boyega after the young actor left a copy of the script for his maid to find under his bed. Hamill leapt into action, and cleverly left his copy of A New Hope on Hollywood Boulevard for an unsuspecting fan to find. The media hysteria that was created helped diffuse negative media attention on Boyega. Very clever, Mark!

7. His Beard Trimmers

Originally Luke was going to have a goatee in Star Wars, but Lucas decided he wanted the character to be more like a cherub, so he bought Mark a Manscaping device before filming began. Hamill treasured this shaver all through production of the OT, but when filming was over, the shaver got tossed into a goodwill box. Years later, our own William Bobo was shopping at goodwill for used Rose Tico figurines and discovered the shaver in a bin for $5, with a hand-written message from the maker that said, “Keep your facial hair shorter, more intense.”

6. Sewage from the Garbage Compactor

Little known fact — every Star Wars cast member was given a vial of the sewage water used in the trash compactor scene in A New Hope. Hamill’s accidentally got mixed in with a kit of essential oils and sold at a Mary Kay party he held to make ends meet in the lean years between Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens. The buyer put the vial up for auction, but fortunately, an anonymous benefactor purchased it and sent it back to Hamill.

5. Yoda’s Half-eaten Sausage

Hamill wanted to keep the sausage that Yoda steals from him on Dagobah in Empire Strikes Back as a souvenir for his dog. Unfortunately, shortly after the film wrapped, Frank Oz bet Hamill (and won) that he could do a better George Lucas impression. Afterwards Oz made off with the half-eaten sausage, and kept it in his freezer for years. Finally, during the filming of The Last Jedi, Hamill won the sausage ration back with his much improved impression of the maker. 30 years of voice acting came in handy!

4. Talking Chewbacca Mask

Inspired by Chewbacca Mom, Hamill purchased the last available first run of Chewie masks off Amazon and kept it on a pedestal near his bed for many months. Unfortunately, a crazed fan of the Chewbacca Mom broke into his mansion one evening and stole the mask. Eventually, the FBI launched a million dollar investigation and found the culprit in his mom’s basement, lying in a pool of his own drool and pizza crusts. The mask was professionally restored by the Smithsonian as it was covered in crusty tomato sauce and neck-beard dander, and is now on display in the Louvre.

3. Harrison Ford’s Dice

Hamill stole the Millennium Falcon’s dice from the set of A New Hope, and kept them as a key chain before Ford stole them back after a night of throwing back whiskey with Hamill. Eventually Mark was able to convince Harrison to give them back, in exchange for a 1942 restored dog fighter he had just sitting around his backyard gathering dust.

2. Warwick Davis’ Scooby Doo Toothbrush

On set of Return of the Jedi, Hamill lost young Warwicks’ toothbrush. At the time he convinced the young lad to let him have it by offering a cheap generic replacement. Hamill kept the toothbrush as a collector’s item until Warwick stole it from under Hamill’s nose while he was distracted writing a politically charged letter to then-president Ronald Reagan. Warwick decided to return the toothbrush after Hamill pledged to only write fun, fuzzy, cute letters to politicians from thence forward.

1. A Thermos of Fan Tears

After The Last Jedi came out, Hamill toured the world with a large thermos he would use to gently collect the tears of fans he encountered everywhere. Unfortunately, this item got mixed up with a lunchbox of a FakingStarWars construction worker, who took it home with him, and misplaced the thermos, which is still missing in action. If you or anyone you know think you may have seen this thermos of Star Wars fans’ tears, please message FakingStarWars or contact our hot line at 1-800-FAN-TEARS.

So that’s it! Have a reaction to one of these items or a scoop on another of Hamill’s infamous Lost and Found objects? Let us know here at Faking Star Wars.

As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.

–Duper out…