Conor O’Toole is obsessed with fonts, to the point where I once saw him throw a molotov cocktail into a shop because “their alphabet spaghetti looked weird”. Here he is with some redesigns on the campaign posters for the Irish Presidential candidates.

This presidential election has been full of mediocre promotional materials and poorly thought out slogans. Luckily I’m here with my extensive knowledge of pollotics (Sic - Ed) and my eye for media.

Mickey D’s campaign needs to play more to his skills; being able to remember all of time, and play down his weaknesses; like how he is not allowed on roller-coasters.

Dana is one of a couple of candidates who appear to have chosen not to produce any posters or release any press shots so nostalgia is her main hope on polling day.

I can just see the final count now;

‘Dana; douze votes’. Dana; twelve votes.

Without Fianna Fáil to ‘not be’, the appeal of Fine Gael seems extremely limited. Plus, Gay Mitchell looks too much like Sam the Eagle from The Muppets for me to consider him to be a real person.

Mary ‘Mary’ Davis has taken a leaf out of Barack Obama’s book typographically, using Hoefler Frere Jones’ Gotham.

Unfortunately, unlike the radical change that O-baz presented, Mary Davis is running on the platform of ‘more of the same, only better’.

If she is elected, at the end of her fourteen year reign (because let’s face it, she’ll get a second term, we can’t say no to anyone) there will have been 35 years of someone called Mary running the country.

I’m probably going to vote for David Norris, not because I think he will be the best president, just because I figure he’d be the most entertaining one.

I just can’t wait to see how many foreign diplomats will ask are they on Naked Camera. Well, they wouldn’t know Naked Camera would they. They’d probably ask if they’re on Punk’d. But of course that’s not on any more.

What a tragedy.

There’s a recession on, and us comedians need as much material as possible. Norris would be a goldmine for that.

RTÉ’s Sean Gallagher from RTÉ’s Dragon’s Den is best known for being on an RTÉ remake of the UK’s Dragon’s Den television program. This almost certainly explains his uncanny resemblance to Nick Clegg.

I like my legs, I’m not saying anything. I’ll let him say it.