Come on in and join the club! Get our daily Manchester United email newsletter Sign me up! Thank you for subscribing We have more newsletters Show me See our privacy notice Invalid Email

Pussy Galore? Not these days thanks, probably, he's a happily married man!

But seriously Wayne Rooney's famously suave, sophisticated style, and ice-cool head under pressure could hardly be more Bond-like could they?

Those outstanding assets, plus a full mop of bionic hair, have clearly not gone unnoticed by the shadowy mandarins of Whitehall...

And, in this video from The Huffington Post UK, our Wazza's been recruited to the British Secret Service!

Patrice Evra is available for pantomime, woodworm permitting.

Anyway, back to the story...

Bond munched on his Frosties sandwich with the brutal efficiency of a man trained in all the major martial arts.

He scratched himself intimately, first through the fabric of his joggers, then darting underneath to go mano et mano for a full cabinet re-shuffle.

He stared out the kitchen window with the cold eye of a professional assassin and farted.

Etc.