Fun Fact: I was originally going to make Fritz put the love potion in Elsa's chocolate fondue. That would've been funnier, but it wouldn't really have made any sense seeing as chocolate fondue is more of a dipping sauce kinda thing, not something you just straight-up drink like glögg. Well, Elsa and Anna probably do, but still.

"Ugh... Wha... Where am I?"

Slowly, Olaf's snowy eyelids opened up to find the ballroom ceiling spinning above him. He looked down at himself, his head throbbing from the movement. Olaf's carrot was missing, his coal-buttons and twig-arms had swapped places, and the words "PARTY ANIMAL" were painted bright red on his chest. Olaf's head was perpendicular to his torso, and his butt was nowhere to be seen, but wherever it was, it felt funky.

"What... happened?"

With a bit of effort, Olaf managed to roll himself upright, though it left his head turned sideways. From this angle, Olaf could see that lying beside him on the ballroom floor was a young, beautiful royal maid. Her cheeks were crimson, and in her swaying hand was a half-empty glass of glögg.

The moment his eyes fell on her, the maid giggled. "Hi, Olaf."

"Um, hello." Olaf gave a polite wave of his new coal-arm. "Have you seen my butt?"

This only made the maid giggle harder. "Olaf, hash anyone ever told yuh yer warm hugsh are amazing?" She snuggled up against him.

"Um..." Olaf inched backwards. "I really need to go find my butt. It was, uh, nice meeting you. Well, I don't actually remember, but I'm sure it was nice." With that, he hopped away by his torso.

"Call me!" the maid yelled after him.

Meanwhile, at the head of the ballroom, the guests were flocking to the entrance doors, where the queen had just pushed her way inside past the guards. An elaborate, icy wedding dress adorned her body, and a scrawny boy in an oversized dress jacket trembled at her side. He tried to escape, but her grip on his arm was iron.

"Change of plans, everyone!" Elsa announced to the crowd. "I won't be marrying Prince Eugene."

There was a collective sigh of relief-

"I'll be marrying Fritz here instead!"

-followed by gasps of horror. One look at Fritz, and the partygoers were protesting far louder than they ever were at Eugene.

"Now, everyone to the chapel." Elsa spun back towards the door, an oblivious smile on her face. "We need to throw this wedding as soon as possible so Fritzy and I can hurry up and spend the rest of our lives in blissful matrimony."

"Are- Are you sure that's a good idea, Elsa?" stammered Fritz. "I mean, shouldn't we at least live together for a while to see if we're, y'know, compatible?"

Elsa looked a bit like a kitten who'd just been smacked in the nose. "Are... Are you saying you don't... want to marry me?"

"No no of course I do I love you with all my heart and soul!"

Her smile returned as quickly as it'd gone. "Aww, I love you, too, Fritzy." She gave his arm a tug. "Now come on, the chapel's right this way-"

"Stop the wedding!" Just then, an out-of-breath Anna burst into the ballroom, followed by Rapunzel and Eugene.

"Oh, come on!" Elsa threw out her hands. "What could the problem possibly be this time? I'm not even committing adultery anymore!"

"Elsa, you have to listen to me!" Anna's voice was bordering on frantic. "I know you think you love Fritz, but that's not what's really going on here!"

Elsa looked lost. "What do you mean?"

Anna stepped forward, wrenching Fritz free of Elsa's grasp. "I know just what's happening."

"What?" asked Elsa.

"And you can't even tell!"

"Well..."

"You think it's love, but in reality... you're brainwashed by a spell!"

Elsa's eyes went wide. "No!"

"I know you know that I'm right! You must be well aware! And so I just can't help but start to fear... that you don't even caaaaaaaaaaaaare!"

No sooner had the words left Anna's mouth than Elsa started to sing, accompanied by that foreign language-chanting chorus who did Vuelie:

"Feels so wrong and yet so right,

Whenever I'm with him.

For the first time since I was locked away,

My life's guided by whim."

Elsa twirled in time with the music, grinning blissfully. Fritz, however, looked more troubled. A voiceover of his inner thoughts sang:

"I know it's just the potion,

But if there is no cure,

Could she be mine at last? Impossible!

I'd burn in hell for sure..."

Then Elsa turned to Anna and sang:

"Who cares if some love magic,

Is what's helping me see?

Weren't you the one who said that I should date?

Just let me be happy!"

And then the chorus played again amidst a time-elapse montage of the royal wedding being prepared:

"Feels so wrong and yet so right,

Whenever I'm with him.

For the first time since I was locked away,

My life's guided by whim."

The scene switched to Fritz staring at himself in his bedroom mirror, tugging at the collar of the fancy white suit he'd been forced into.

"Feels so wrong and yet so right.

I would pay any cost,

If she'd look this way she looks at me,

When she's not brainwashed."

Finally, as the music slowed, the montage came to an end within a packed chapel. Every last partygoer had been ushered in from the ballroom and forced to look happy under threat of freezing. The only thing impeding the proceedings was a desperate Anna, who sang a heartbroken final verse as a guard dragged her away:

"And if you two get wed tonight,

It can't be undooooooooone.

Well, okay, yes, it could, technically,

But it would not be fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun- Agh!"

She found her butt plopped into a pew.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness," the guard murmured in her ear. "We don't know what exactly this love potion's done to your sister – We're afraid it could trigger her powers if we upset her. We have to do as she says."

"Yeah, just play it cool," Anna whispered back. "Did you get a fake priest like we planned?"

The guard shook his head. "Even under the love potion, Queen Elsa was too smart to fall for that. She recognizes the real royal priest from her coronation."

"Dang, that's right." Anna slammed her fist against the pew. "Okay, no big deal, we'll just, uh..." As Fritz walked by the aisle, she leaned out and whispered, "Fritz, bad news, you're gonna have to get married for real."

"What?" Fritz's face went supernova.

"Calm down. We'll have it annulled once Elsa's back to normal. Oh, and, err, Fritz?" Anna gave him a pointed look. "If we can't cure Elsa by tonight, then, well..."

Fritz swallowed. "Then what?"

"Then you had an accident cutting firewood when you were seven and now you're totally impotent." She jabbed a finger in his face. "That's your story and you're sticking to it, capisce?"

"Y-Yeah, of course!"

Anna's eyes narrowed. "I'm serious. I'll know if you try anything – I'm putting guards everywhere."

"Henrik?" A royal guard ran up to the base of a tree in the palace gardens and looked skyward. "What are you doing up there?"

"Oh, hi, Morten!" A second guard waved down at him from the highest branch, which just so happened to be positioned right next to Elsa's bedroom window. "Princess Anna told me to climb up here and watch through that window, and if I see the queen having sex with her bodyguard, I'm supposed to report it immediately to-"

"Okay, okay! Sorry I asked!"

"I'd never take advantage of Elsa like that!" Fritz's cheeks had gone the color of a particularly abashed radish. "I'm not a bad person, honest!"

At this, Anna seemed to relax. "Yeah, I know, I'm just saying. I mean, with Elsa throwing herself at you, it's gonna be pretty hard to resist-" She patted his shoulders. "-but I trust you. You're a good guy."

"Thanks." With that, Fritz continued down the aisle.

He felt sick at his stomach. Mossy had said the potion would just make Elsa more attracted to him, not that it'd make her want to marry Fritz that day! While apologizing to Rapunzel, Elsa had insisted she'd been planning nothing worse than making out and cuddling with Eugene, but if Elsa ended up actually getting married to Fritz, who knew where she'd draw the line?

But Fritz had meant his promise to Anna just now – He really had. In fact, he was starting to think that as far as breathtakingly beautiful things went, Elsa was the type where it was best to look but not touch. Fritz's spit still hadn't thawed completely...

This should've been a dream come true. As in, Fritz had literally dreamed of marrying Elsa. But the more of the ceremony Fritz watched, the tighter the knot in his stomach twisted itself. He stood paralyzed at the head of the pews, trembling as Elsa glided down the aisle, her elegant dress trailing behind her.

Right before Elsa reached earshot, the priest leaned in behind Fritz and murmured, "Just so you know, son, the people of Arendelle won't recognize this union at all. We're not even noting this little mishap in the royal records." He patted Fritz's shoulder. "But don't worry, nobody has any ill will towards you. None of this is your fault."

"Thanks..." At this point, Fritz would've given anything for Alexander the Great to barge in and untie his stomach for him.

The whole world felt like a haze as Elsa finished her trek down the aisle, then stood across from Fritz, beaming at him as the priest recited all of the painfully cliché wedding lines.

"Do you, Queen Elsa-" The next word in the sentence was Elsa's surname. "-take Fritz Herman Gudmund to be your lawfully wedded husband, 'til death do you part?"

Elsa's eyes locked with Fritz's. "I do."

The priest turned to a trembling Fritz. "And do you, Fritz Herman Gudmund, take Queen Elsa-" He said her surname again. "-to be your lawfully wedded wife, 'til death do you part?"

"I... I..." Fritz took a breath, leaving the whole chapel watching in anxious silence. He glanced at Elsa, who gave an expectant nod. "I..." Fritz's eyes clamped shut. "I can't."

"What? What do you mean you can't?" No sooner were the words out Fritz's mouth than Elsa's lips started to tremble. "We love each other! This is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives!" She sniffled, causing a flurry of snowflakes to swirl around the panicked audience.

"Say yes, you idiot!" the priest said through gritted teeth. "We'll have it annulled later! Do you WANT another eternal winter?"

"No, you don't understand. I can't marry Elsa because... because..." Fritz fell to his knees. "...iiiiiiiit was meeeeeeeeeeeee! I gave her the love potion!"

The crowd gasped in unison.

"You?" Anna sprang to her feet, running to the front of the chapel.

"What?" Following behind her were Rapunzel and Eugene. Rapunzel gaped at Fritz, her eyebrows quivering. "Why the heck would you want Elsa to hook up with Eugene?"

"It was an accident," said Fritz, burying his eyes in his hands. "I was supposed to drink that glögg. That's how the potion got past the royal food taster. The queen's own bodyguard stabbed her in the back."

"But why would you bother with a love potion?" asked Anna. "You hadn't even asked Elsa out yet. For all you knew, she would've said yes anyways!"

"Are you kidding?" Fritz uncovered his eyes to scowl at her. "I never had a chance with Elsa! I'm not a prince or a nobleman. I never went on an epic adventure with her like your boyfriend did with you. I'm just a-" The scowl faded. "-a nobody. An idiot who screws up at everything. A complete loser." He shut his eyes. "I couldn't even use the love potion right. I screwed up at cheating."

"So... So you loved me all along?" said Elsa. "Even before the love potion?"

"Yeah. I'm... I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I should never have done this to you. I'm a horrible person! How could I have ever aaaawwahahbuhbuhbuh-" The rest of Fritz's words were impossible to decipher.

"Oh, Fritz." Elsa knelt down to meet his eyes. "I had no idea you felt that way." She gave a warm smile. "I forgive you for using a love potion on me."

Fritz gazed up at her through a blanket of tears. "You do?"

"Yes, of course." said Elsa, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I love you no matter what, potion or no potion."

"Really?" Fritz blinked. "You mean that?"

"NO, she doesn't mean that, you ding-dong!" snapped Anna. "She's still being brainwashed!"

Fritz's face fell. "Oh yeah."

"But that doesn't mean we can't get married!" added Elsa, a note of desperation in her voice. "It doesn't matter why I love you. Come on, all you have to do is say 'I do,' and then we can kiss."

"But- But it'd be morally wrong to-"

"Say 'I do' right this instant!" Out of nowhere, the room temperature dropped below freezing, and rows of jagged icicles erupted out between the pews.

"I do! I do!" squeaked Fritz.

"Then, um, err-" The priest took a moment to compose himself. "If anyone has any objections to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Yes, excuse me, I have an objection." A random servant from the pews raised his hand. "This Gudmund person has had no royal training whatsoever. Giving him authority as king would be nothing but a hindrance to the well-being of Arendelle."

"Ha!" spat Elsa. "True love is more important than your petty politics!"

"But he sabotaged his monarch's mind with a magic potion," added another member of the crowd. "Shouldn't he be arrested for treason?"

"Yes," said Elsa, "but because Fritz was acting in the best interest of true love, I'm officially pardoning him."

"And what kind of royal wedding is this, anyways?" added another. "You just threw this thing together in a couple hours and then forced everyone at your ball to-"

"Don't care, true love!"

"But Gudmund is just a little boy!" added another. "You can't marry someone undera-"

"TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!"

"Please tell me I didn't sound like that when I was with Hans," muttered Anna.

"None of you understand!" Elsa was practically frothing at the mouth. "Fritz has been treated like dirt his whole life, and he has a crush on me, so that means he deserves to have me no matter what. Isn't that right, Fritzy?" She gave him a loving smile, swapping from monstrous to bubbly in miliseconds.

"I..." Fritz's voice trailed off. He stared into space, horrified. "I guess that... is what I thought."

"Good." Elsa turned to the priest. "Now finish marrying us!"

"Y-Yes, Your Majesty." The priest cleared his throat, then said, "You may now kiss the-"

"I OBJECT!"

The chapel doors burst open, and in charged a blonde beauty atop his noble steed. Sven flung himself between Fritz and Elsa, allowing Kristoff to hop off and drop a boulder onto the carpet.

"Grand Pabbie, do your thing!" said Kristoff. "Hurry!"

The boulder uncurled before the awestruck audience, revealing a decrepit old troll. The moment his eyes fell on Elsa, Grand Pabbie raised his arms.

"Stay back!" She tried to grab her fiance, but Sven dutifully blocked Elsa's reach. "You can't stop this marriage! It's TRUE FRIGGIN' LOVE!"

"Whoa." Kristoff's eyes went wide. "Elsa's gone nuts!"

"I am perfectly sane!" snapped Elsa. She pointed at one of her guards and barked, "Gunter! Seize them!"

"My name's Robert," muttered the guard.

"This is worse than I feared," Grand Pabbie said gravely. "The potion's taken deep root in her mind."

"Wait, I thought she was fawning over that prince guy?" frowned Kristoff.

"His wife kissed him and turned him back to normal, but Fritz ended up kissing Elsa and now she's in love with him instead!" Anna said hurriedly.

"A corrupted true love's kiss." Grand Pabbie bowed his head. "It's not permanent as Kristoff feared, but undoing its effects is problematic."

"I don't care!" Elsa threw out her hands, shooting pillars of frost towards the ceiling. "If you don't back off and let me marry my true love, so help me I will freeze every last person in this room!"

Pabbie sighed. "Then you leave me no choice." Before she could react, he swished his arms, filling the podium with blinding light that enveloped not only Elsa, but everyone standing nearby. They all flinched, but when the light faded, the room was seemingly unchanged.

Elsa blinked. "Oh my God." She brought her hands to her mouth. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean that! I'd never use my powers to hurt anyone!"

"Elsa," Grand Pabbie said sternly. "Focus. Do you have romantic feelings for Fritz?"

"What?" Elsa let out a laugh. "Don't be ridiculous. You know I only have eyes for this cutie right here." She grabbed Kristoff's arm.

"Alright!" Kristoff grinned. "You're way hotter than-"

"Change her back to liking Fritz!" yelled Anna. "Change her back to liking-"

"But Anna!" Suddenly, Fritz threw himself at her feet. "I- I never realized before... all that time I was trying to confess my feelings for your sister, you were with me every step of the way. You're the only one who supported me, who cared for me... Don't you see, Anna? I was never meant to be with Elsa. My real love... is you."

Anna glared at the troll. "What did you do?"

"Oh dear," frowned Grand Pabbie, scratching his chin. "I'm afraid instead of undoing the corrupted true love, I might have accidentally altered the polarity of-"

"My God." Eugene gazed at Sven, starry-eyed. "I didn't think it was possible for any living creature to look so magnifi-"

"CHANGE THEM BACK, CHANGE THEM BACK!" yelled Rapunzel.

"Alright, alright!" Grand Pabbie waved his arms, causing a second flash of light. "There. Now, Elsa, how do you feel?"

"I- I don't know." Elsa blinked again, rubbing her eyes. "But... I don't think I want to marry Fritz anymore." She smiled. "I'm back to normal!"

Suddenly, Anna burst out crying.

"Anna?" said a startled Elsa, running to her side. "What's wrong?"

"I- I- I've made a huge mistake," Anna choked out between sobs. "I should've stayed with Hans!"

"What?" Elsa's jaw dropped. "Anna, he tried to murder you!"

"I could've changed him!"

Before Elsa could say another word, Kristoff let out a wail. "How could I have ever broken up with Amethyst? Yes, she's a troll and I'm a human, but we were in love!"

"I should've stayed with that Brazilian schooner pilot!" moaned Eugene.

"And I should've gotten with the ceramic unicorn guy!" added Rapunzel. "He was sensitive!"

"What have I done with my life?" The priest fell to the floor, hugging his knees. "I mean, 'vow of celibacy?' What was I thinking?"

Elsa gave Grand Pabbie a look. "I think you'd better cast that spell again. Just let me get back first – I haven't fallen in love with an animal or family member so far, and I'd really like to keep it that way." Once she'd backed up a safe distance, Pabbie waved his arms, enveloping the remaining group in a blinding light yet again. "There, now does everyone feel normal?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure I love my wife again," said Eugene, rubbing his eyes, "so everything's probably-"

"Whoa." Fritz stared at him, mouth agape. "Eugene, you're so... dreamy." A speck of drool trickled down his chin.

"Um..." Eugene took a step back. "Hey, troll guy, maybe you should cast that spell one more time?"

"Very well." Grand Pabbie's hands started to glow.

"Oh, Rapunzel..." All of a sudden, Anna glided over to her fellow princess, taking Rapunzel's hands in her own. "How come I never noticed how hot you are?"

"Not as hot as you, Anna." Rapunzel stroked her hair, sending a shutter down Anna's spine. The space between the princesses' lips grew smaller... and smaller...

"Actually," said Eugene, "on second th-"

Flash. The girls blinked, then drew back, looking befuddled.

"What was I doing just now?" asked Anna.

"Beats me," said Rapunzel.

"There. Everyone's back to normal." Grand Pabbie glanced up at Eugene, smiling pleasantly. "Now, what were you saying?"

"Nothing," Eugene said quickly. "I didn't say anything. It's good that you turned everyone back to normal. That's really... good of you... to do that."

"Yes, thank you, Grand Pabbie." Elsa stepped forward. "I owe you more than I can ever repay. But..." She clutched her forehead. "...my mind's all a blur right now. Could you tell me what's going on, exactly?"

"Indeed I can, Your Majesty," Grand Pabbie nodded. "The trolls possess an artifact known as the Heart of Arendelle. It is a powerful and dangerous object capable of altering the very nature of love. We trolls study the Heart, but our laws forbid us from ever using its magic, not even to try and help control your powers or heal Anna's frozen heart – The risk would have vastly outweighed the reward.

"This morning, I entered the Heart's hidden chamber only to find it missing, cut out of the cavern walls. I suspect that a troll named Mossy, who was banished from our tribe for tampering with love magic, has stolen it for his own purposes..." His eyes drifted to Fritz, who looked distinctly uncomfortable. "...and I believe he had an accomplice."

Suddenly, Grand Pabbie was yelling, "We trusted you, Fritz Herman Gudmund, and in turn you betrayed the trolls! You've put all of Arendelle in danger, you mindless fool!"

"You did what?" Somehow, Elsa wasn't looking at Fritz with quite the same lovey-doveyness as before.

"I..." Fritz paled. "I might have... told Mossy the password to the Heart cave in exchange for a love potion."

In case it wasn't clear enough, Fritz thought Elsa was the most gorgeous thing on the face of reality. But that didn't mean she couldn't also look blood-curdlingly terrifying when she wanted to.

Fritz glanced away from her, eyes fixed on the floor, and muttered, "I, uh, I don't suppose that official pardon's still on the table?"

"Ow!"

Fritz's butt hid the cold brick with an earsplitting thud, but it wasn't as earsplitting as the sound of his cell door slamming shut.