Actors Alex Pettyfer (L) and Betty White speak onstage at the 24th Annual GLAAD Media Awards presented by Ketel One and Wells Fargo at JW Marriott Los Angeles at L.A. LIVE on April 20, 2013 in Los Angeles, California. Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Look at that photo. That’s Alex Pettyfer. When you see him, do you think, Yeah, I’d want to watch that guy yank out a woman’s tampon? Someone out there thinks you might, because Pettfyer just shot a scene as Christian Grey. (Christian Grey does that tampon thing in the book. The more you knoooow.) According to the Wrap, Gus Van Sant has “shot a steamy sex scene” from Fifty Shades of Grey, with Pettyfer as the titular billionaire. Neither Van Sant nor Pettyfer are officially onboard for the movie, and it’s possible neither will be involved in the final product. Which, again, is an actual Fifty Shades of Grey movie that will be in theaters instead of on Skinemax, where it belongs — not because it’s smutty, but because the story is terrible.