In case you haven't noticed, Wisconsin's been fraught with untenable political tumultuousness since one-man Human Centipede Scott Walker was elected governor. He's bullied teachers, attacked gay couples' hospital visitation rights, signed a repeal of Wisconsin's equal pay law, and rolled back sex education to an innocent time when kids thought storks brought babies. But get ready for more high octane Crazy from the Arizona of the midwest — the communication coordinator for the embattled governor's impending recall election is a charming, colorful former Hooters waitress who would just love to have the opportunity to punch Hillary Clinton in the face.

Meet Ciara Matthews. According to AlterNet, she's a Republican attack dog type who has worked on the campaigns of such charming politicians as Sharron "When Life Gives You Lemons, Just Make Rape Lemonade" Angle and Nevada gubernatorial candidate Bob Beers. She'll be directing the tone of Walker's bid to avoid being recalled by a state full of people who don't like him.

And if past performance is indicative of future fun, the people of Wisconsin are in for a real treat. In the run up to the last Presidential election, Matthews maintained a blog that she's since deleted (but we've got screenshots) brimming with nutbaggery and, for a communications director, surprisingly inept attempts at coherent communication. From an entry entitled "A LETTER TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD,"

TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD:

Nobody is stopping women from having sex or from having children. A woman's right to CHOOSE when to have sex, who to have sex with, and whether she will use birth control or not are all rights and CHOICES that can be made. Then when a woman makes a CHOICE which consequences are becoming pregnant, the only CHOICE you anti-lifers fight for is one that kills a human child.

At 23 days old a fetus already has a heartbeat and nervous system; that too early for a woman to even know she is pregnant. Everyone supports the right to choose. But if a woman makes a poor choice that result in a pregnancy, this right thing to do is not to kill the baby.

You are supporting something that tells young women that if you make a mistake, you can just make it go away and that is not the way the world works. People must be held responsible for their actions and Planned Parenthood makes it so people don't have to be. Worse yet, you are killing babies as well.

You are advocating murder and one day Roe v. Wade will be overturned thanks to George W. Bush and the justices he put in the Supreme Court. The actions of Planned Parenthood and disgusting and I am sickened that my tax dollars are used to fund the immoral killing of innocent human babies!

One day you will be judged by your actions. I doubt you will be forgiven!


Matthews would go on to work for the Susan B. Anthony List, an anti-abortion political group that seeks to elect women who are anti-abortion to office. Think bizarro EMILY's List. While she worked there, she blogged for LifeSiteNews, an anti-choice website that once referred to something I wrote as "cute," which was super nice of them.

In a hypocritical turn, Matthews seems totally fine with selling chaste sexiness but not permitting sexuality — she used to be a waitress at Hooters. Now, short of cooking meth or murdering enemies of the mob, doing what you have to do to work your way through college is generally admirable, and Matthews shouldn't be faulted for donning the shiny suntan nylons and orange short shorts of the Hooters uniform. As they say, if you've got it, flaunt it. But profitting from selling a plasticized form of unnatural sexiness designed to arouse men while simultaneously believing that women should be forced to face the "consequences" of actually giving into to their sexual desires is a pretty backward way of thinking. And she should be taken to task for it. So we've posted this hilarious picture of her in her Hooters uniform to illustrate the ridiculousness of all of this — Walker, Matthews, their wacky beliefs, and the general asshats who we've somehow elevated to positions like Governor of an entire goddamn state. Vote, people! This is what happens when you don't!


But back to the blog. Here's a knee-slapper of an entry about global warming,

Actually, I have to admit that I do think global warming is real...

real natural! I have yet to be confronted by any compelling evidence that the recent temperature trends are the result of man's intentional destruction of the globe using such evils as automobiles and air conditioning.


She's got jokes! But the of Matthews' Fox News web commenter-esque ramblings came in the midst of one of those MySpace "surveys" that narcissists loved.

My mom is my biggest hero, then Sean Hannity, then Ann Coulter and we cannot forget Miss Tyra Banks!!! I definitely see myself in politics...or as the next Rush Limbaugh. I do not like rap. It's cool to dance to in a club...only because of the beat but MOST of the time, I hate the words. Speaking of the world, I love to know current evens, I guess that is sorta why I am so into politics, so I watch the news on a very regular basis. But only Fox News ëFair and Balanced!! Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I would really love to punch Hillary Clinton in the face What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A United States Senator.

I don't know what's more disturbing: imagining Tyra Banks and Sean Hannity hanging out or the fact that an aspirant US Senator would write about punching Hillary Clinton on the internet.


Either way, let this be a lesson to every idiot with big dreams: before accepting positions with important political campaigns, make sure you've deleted any lingering blogs that make you sound like a dumbass. Screen grabs are a real thing, and screen grabs are forever. So are hilarious sexyface pictures.

And for all the governors out there facing recall elections: vet your damn staff. Thoroughly.