A Christian’s Perspective About His Atheist Father

I love my father. Seems like a given right, like how couldn’t you love your father? Well, my father is also one of the Atheists that I love, which from the content below you will see why this is hard for me to do. Some of you may even read that and be like “okay why is that so hard to do?” If that is you, then most of this post may not make much sense to you. But I suggest you keep reading because I am going to walk through and express what loving someone who believes something contrary to you looks like even when you don’t want to or know how to.

So I am a Christian. I was raised in the Church and brought up to believe in Jesus Christ by my father and mother. This was more of an heirloom and not something that I really chose if I am being honest. To give you an example, my schedule for the first 16 years of my life was church Sunday morning, church Sunday night, and church on Wednesday night. What kid would choose that?! Church, Church, Church, and more Church. That was my life.

My parents were terrific moral and ethical role models and did a phenomenal job of making “the world” look like a scary place that I didn’t want to get involved with. I mean what kid wanted to go to hell? No drinking, no smoking, no bad music, and no sex outside of marriage was an easy decision for me if doing those things meant I was going to go there. That fear didn’t last long and eventually I got a taste of “the world” and fell in love with it. I won’t go into detail about that since this post isn’t about me but needless to say I never really claimed Jesus as my Savior or chose to give him my life until I was 22 years old (over two years ago).

As soon as I started searching and developing a genuine love for this whole Jesus thing, my father started to deny it. In fact, it got to the point where I couldn’t ask my dad questions out of a sincere curiosity without being met with laughter about how ridiculous the whole Jesus thing was. This was hard if I am being honest. It wasn’t hard from the standpoint of “I am going to heaven and my father isn’t”. It was just hard and still is hard coming to terms with seeing the man I saw worshipping Jesus Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night, and praying almost the whole drive to church for other people (with his eyes open, thank God) not doing so anymore. It seemed like my childhood was a lie. This actually still traumatizes me (maybe traumatizes is a harsh word) but it really was a catalyst in my life where I didn’t know what human being to trust due to my father throwing away something that was so important to him my whole life.

Today, my father and I have an interesting relationship if you can call it that. The thing that makes it hard for me to love him is that he is so vehemently against the thing I am so vehemently for, Jesus. He doesn’t know this but one time I was reading my Bible and an email popped up from him on my phone with the title “The Bible is a lie”. I remember seeing that pop up, shutting my Bible, starting to cry, and then going for a walk to clear my head. Receiving that text wouldn’t have mattered or had the same effect before, but since I am going for a Bachelors in Biblical Studies it stung a little more. All I heard when I saw that email pop up was “Your studying is a joke, a lie, not worth it”. Enough of the pity party on my behalf though, I just wanted to paint an accurate picture of the struggles and thoughts in my head in regards to having a father who is an Atheist.

With all that being said, all the hurt that my dad has unintentionally caused me, all the “trauma”, I wanted you to know that it is not an excuse for me to withhold love for him. Some that read this may be taking my side in this or have been the whole time if you’re involved and interact with me daily, but I challenge you to take my dad’s side for just a moment. You see, I have no idea what is going on in my father’s head, which has a lot to do with my inability to love him and actually ask what’s going on. The pain of losing relationships, the pain of losing a marriage, the pain of not having a close relationship with his son, and the pain of feeling like you have wasted your whole life on some made up Jesus guy, I just have no idea what that pain feels like. I can’t help but imagine that it hard and at times causes anger in his heart which some people may experience through words and actions.

I will never forget one time that my dad told me he heard some people from the Christian and church circle he used to be in say, “we miss you, we just don’t know how to or what to talk to you about”. This alarmed me to the problem in Christian circles that I grew up in and see a lot. The problem of “you don’t think or believe the same as me so we can’t be friends unless you conform to my thoughts and beliefs”. Of course Christianity and Atheism are on two opposite sides of the spectrum, but come on? Really? You can’t befriend someone who doesn’t believe the same things as you? I asked my dad how this made him feel and he said it made him feel like they didn’t really care about him or love him. This hurt, because I saw the pain in his face of rejection. Don’t get me wrong, my dad isn’t the easiest person to talk to or disagree on something with but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a human being with emotions and feelings just like me.

After navigating and thinking on how to love someone who doesn’t believe the same way you do, start with seeing that person as being made in the Image of God. Of course that exhortation won’t relate to you if you don’t believe in God, but for me that is one of the only ways I can begin to love my father even when I don’t want to. My dad is one of the most empathetic people I know, in fact I texted him the other day and asked him if he ever cries (weird I know), but his response pulled on some heart strings. He told me he cries because of his empathy for the less fortunate and those suffering in the world. Even though my dad may not be what I want him to be or conform to, he is still the man who brought me into this world and will always be my dad.

My Pastor said something a couple weeks ago that stuck out to me, he said “You can’t love who you don’t know”. The implications of that thought are convicting. It is a lot easier to categorize people by race, gender, sexual preference, LGBQT, and religion than it is to actually get involved in their lives. I wouldn’t choose for my father to become an Atheist, but I wouldn’t change it either because the perspective I have received in the past two years has challenged me to see people for people and not a class. I am challenging myself not to judge a book by its cover, not to withhold love from anyone, not to ignore opportunities to spend time with those I disagree with, and lastly to see people greater than I see myself. I challenge you to do the same.

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” Mathew 5:44

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” Philippians 2:3

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” John 13: 34-35

“In the beginning, God created all of mankind in His image” Genesis 1:26