Theresa May’s cabinet downgraded to ‘chest of drawers’

After the latest of multiple minister resignations, the House of Commons has voted unanimously to downgrade Theresa May’s cabinet, to a more suitably termed ‘chest of drawers’.

The change has come after the resignation of Priti Patel, the second minister to go in as many weeks, with MPs agreeing the term cabinet has become “a bit of stretch”.

Labour MP Joshua Williams told reporters, “With all the recent scandals, there can’t be more than a couple of them left in there surely?

“I personally was an advocate for ‘bedside table’, but we agreed we’d save that one for the next time Boris opens his mouth.”

Another MP, who asked not to be named, told reporters this is just the start of a series of dramatic changes coming to the cabinet.

“We’re planning for an upcoming vote on whether ministers should lose their frontbench privileges, and be demoted to sitting on the floor, like the group of nursery children they insist on acting like.

“Needless to say we are expecting very high turnout for this vote. The thought of Michael Gove floundering around on the floor is something I’m certain all parties will get behind.”