“If the shit shoe’s a matcher, Charlie gets the scratcher!“

With It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia‘s record-tying fourteenth season set to begin on September 25th, I thought I’d build up to it by reviewing my five favourite episodes, talking about the premises, moments and quotes that make these stand out above others.

Every now and then I’ll see someone talking about Sunny declining in its later seasons, and I always can’t help but think about “Hero or Hate Crime?” being living proof that that isn’t completely true. In an episode that brings homophobia (and at times racism) to the forefront, the sixth episode of season twelve is a daring effort that emphatically tells us this show never lost its way up to this point. The question this episode poses is simple (at first): Can you be called a hero for saving someone’s life through calling them the “F” word? Frank Reynolds seems to believe so, but Mac is disgusted at the use of this homophobic slur and consequently takes Frank to an arbitrator’s office over the possession of a lottery ticket he’d found on the floor moments before a falling piano was nailed on to squash him. As you’d expect, though, Dennis, Dee and Charlie also have arguments as to why the ticket is theirs, and while they’re not exactly good arguments, mind you, they are still most certainly arguments.

So, this episode kicks off with all five members of The Gang acting strangely. Frank has mirrors on his shoes so he can look up the skirts of beautiful women, Dee is reading and being crept up on by Dennis holding a bottle of champagne. While Mac is limping a bit too much after a ride on an exercise bike, and Charlie is intentionally stepping in dog shit and trying to play it off like it’s an accident – “I didn’t really see it” / ‘YOU POINTED IT OUT TO ME!“. All of this leads to Frank seeing Mac in danger across the road, shouting, “look out f*****!” and Charlie running to kick him out of harms way via a fece’s covered shoe. Frank is convinced he just saved a life, but Mac on the other hand is convinced he’s just been the victim of a hate crime. This is too much to settle in-house, and professional help is needed.

The arbitrator’s office is where the episode takes place for the remaining duration, but – to absolutely nobody’s surprise – this particular arbitrator will not be the one settling the dilemma at the episode’s end. The first of three is removed after saying he wants this to be concluded with respect and common courtesy expressed by everyone – “not our style“. This change comes after we learn The Gang don’t care about whether or not Frank has committed a hate crime, but instead it’s all about who should get the lottery ticket that they’ve yet to scratch because of the hope, potential and promise it represents.

The next several minutes have Dee, Dennis and Charlie presenting their arguments, with Dee’s being that she bought the ticket two weeks ago, and it flew away when she rushed to put the book she was reading back in her bag. She didn’t scratch it because “as long as you don’t scratch it, you’re a winner“. She points out this is exactly what Dennis said moments earlier, but from her it really does just sound pathetic. The book she was reading? Well that was one about Parkinson’s Disease, which she’s convinced herself she’s got a risk of getting and has consequently taken up smoking to prevent, ignoring the risks of smoking in the process. Around this time we start to notice one of my favourite things about the episode, Charlie Day and Rob McElhenney struggling to keep a straight face. I love it when we see the cast members having trouble keeping their composure and this episode is filled with this. Moving on, Dennis believes he should get the ticket as he gave Dee the money she spent, with the intention of her tipping the girl behind the counter – eventually leading to him swooping in and engaging her physically. Dee makes it known that this girl is underage and somehow it’s no surprise to realise that Dennis is grooming a girl and he’s knowingly being a predator. Charlie’s argument is, well, it’s stranger. Bringing up him stepping in the dog shit – his “I didn’t really” is tremendous – he tells us that he did so to cover up the smell of a skunk he let spray him to cover up the smell of cologne that he used to cover the smell of cigarettes as he’s been smoking with Dee. He’s convinced that he should have the ticket because he saved Mac’s life – “if it smells like shit you must acquit!” – though Mac was definitely going to do a sweet backflip into safety. I love everything about this particular argument.

Once the discussion is brought back to Frank and Mac, Frank defends himself by saying he used the slur to bring attention to Mac, to “cut through” the commotion in the street and mentions how everyone knew to look at Mac – Mac himself reacted – and delivers the excellent line, “even the little kid with the red balloon knew where to look!“. This leads to him expressing his belief that “You’re allowed to use any language you want to save somebody’s life” and here we get an example of Sunny taking big risks even in its later seasons. Mac tries to prove him wrong – and for what it’s worth succeeds – by asking how he’d describe the (second) arbitrator in this situation. If you’ve never seen the episode it might be worth knowing for this moment that this arbitrator is an African-American woman. This creates an uncomfortable silence in the room – with Dennis stating, “we’re treading on some dangerous territory” – which is then broken by Charlie answering with the ‘N’ word.

Mac compares both the racist and homophobic slurs by explaining the dark history behind them, coming to a conclusion that “words shouldn’t be thrown around“, before Frank hilariously quips, “what about c*nt?” This being said out the blue is one of the episode’s funniest moments, and it’s made even funnier by the ignorance of the other three men – “It’s so funny, especially when it’s directed towards a woman when you’re trying to insult her!“. Dee’s disgust at the word and believing that shouldn’t be said either has the four men coming to an agreement that her favourite word, “c*cksucker” should also be banned as a compromise, and Glenn Howerton’s delivery of “You can’t say c*cksucker if we can’t say c*nt!” is amazing.

When they eventually get back to the matter at hand, the arbitrator is surprised to learn Mac isn’t gay and that Frank wasn’t implying anything, only for Dennis to make it clear: “Frank thinks Mac is gay, because he’s gay“. Mac’s sexuality has always been something The Gang don’t really care about and they make that clear here, frustrated solely by Mac’s denial and refusal to accept after they bring up “the bike”, which is revealed to be an exercise bike that Mac has modified so a dildo pops up out of the seat – here we get the finest use of music in the episode. I love the interaction between Mac and Charlie, “I modded out a regular workout bike, to create the optimal workout!” / “And added a penis.” The way Charlie responds is bettered by a look on his face that is about to break out into laughter at any moment. Mac argues that it isn’t a penis, but actually a fist – which doesn’t help his cause – and demonstrates the “AssPounder4000” before revealing the tagline, “never stop pumping!“

The second arbitrator is then changed after she claims, “I’ll make my decision based on fairness and compromise” – replaced by a peacemaker who comes to the conclusion of Mac and Frank sharing, as Mac not being gay means it isn’t hate speech. Obviously this leads to Mac coming out of the closet to become “GAY RICH MAC!” as the ticket does end up being a $10k winner. The comedy of Mac coming out of the closet to get this money ends up being one of the most progressive moments in the entire show when he decides he’ll stay out and happily admits he’s gay before leaving to work on making the “AssPounder4000” marketable. The episode ends in usual fashion with everything backfiring on the “winner” as the remaining four receive the seventeen hour arbitrator bill of $9,986. Of course they decide that seeing as this was Mac’s idea he can pay, but they settle that he can pay tomorrow so they can “let him have this” – given he’s just came out over what is ultimately $14. Charlie’s “is that all that’s left?” in response to Dee saying this is another nice example of Charlie’s intelligence levels in the episode and is a strong ending to one of the very best episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

With Day and McElhenney’s difficulty to keep their composure, the delivery of brilliant lines from Howerton, DeVito and Olson, and a premise that is equally interesting and ridiculous, “Hero or Hate Crime?” is undoubtedly one of the very best episodes of the show.

Rating: 10/10

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my reviews of my five favourite episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Hopefully Season 14 brings us episodes that are just as good, if not better!