



From Google: Dismissal in the interest of justice allows a court to dismiss a procedurally proper, but unjust or unjustifiable, cause of action. Thus, dismissing cases in the interest of justice can provide a check where few exist for overzealous prosecutions, race-based patrolling, and overuse of “three strikes” laws

















tig notaro



Aug 4 2008 8:21 PM



do you know you are in kjell's top friends? things are really looking up for you! congrats on that AND the new horse. tig notaro

May 29 2008 4:05 PM



80 degrees, sunny, mariposa st., sushi dinner, swim in the hot springs tomorrow on our drive up to aspen, comedy festival dinner party friday night, hike saturday morning in the mountains, tell jokes for 15 minutes saturday night and make monthly income for june, take sunday off to hang out in aspen with friends, fly home to LA to shoot 2 more episodes. thankfully a couple of vacations are coming up after this hectic schedule.





I WAS SPEAKING TO MY AGENT, ALISA INTERRUPTED ME

SHE CALLED ME A CRAZY DIKE AND CUNT GOT IN THE MY FACE. AND AT THAT POINT I HAD THE SECURITY REMOVE HER

When asked if this female subject caused any trouble at the show at Largo at this night in question, Feigin said no she had caused no problems on that particular evening. She stated she had just sat at the back of this club and next to the bar while watching the show. When asked if she had seen this unknown female subject ever make contact with Notaro on that night in question, Feigin said no. When asked if she knew the unknown subject’s name, Feigin once again stated no.

at all.

Notaro ran inside before they could make physical contact with her.





The owner did not let Spitzberg inside the club and called the police.





Spitzberg left the club before the police officers arrived.









"I am the door guy at the dime which is no more than 16 feet away from where Largo once was. I remember the day in question and remember nothing happen(ing) I even talked to the ladies for a minute or two and invited them inside the dime for a drink. These ladies are good people to be around and everything that this woman said is a lie."

please note there was never a incident number in this case.Not how Gregozek calls me violent

No evidence of any kind. No witness statements attached Only Gregozek's promise to testify.

Officer Montalvo is ordered to be on call for the defense

Brian Whitaker



Nov 2 2008 5:03 AM



great workin' with ya tig - thanks again, nice riff with "sparkles

Add caption

Add caption







KROLL





Nick Kroll has claimed repeatedly that he considers Tig Notaro to be his best friend. A friend he would do anything for...

First and foremost, Tig Notaro asked me to do it, and she’s one of my oldest and best friends in comedy.

“I love D.C. and always relish the chance to come back and perform, but if Tig had asked me to go to Greenland, I would have gone.”

























































Order her to appear october 16 in Dept 96l. Written by Karla Kerlin.





”

1 - They dropped the four charges

- They dropped the four charges 2 - Boags is off the case(we later learned he was demoted to civil court.)

- Boags is off the case(we later learned he was demoted to civil court.) 3- Montalvo is dead.

Out of all these proposed witnesses only Gregozek, Moreno, Jackie Kashian, Jeff Klinger, Martha Kelly(from another page) showed up. What they expected from the witnesses that never came is still a mystery but the facebook posting charges were acquitted by the judge



Director, Kroll Cyber Security L.L.C.



Greater Los Angeles Area Security and Investigations

Current Kroll Previous 21st Century Fox, LAPD Computer Crimes Unit



































































"Holy shit. This is... insane..."Yes, it was. Yes, it is. Stone cold crazy. Batshit. Baying at the moon. Singing a loony tune. Straight up straight jacket stuff."...And, yet..." he said, "it's kind of... sexy."Sexy?Only in Los Angeles, would a lawyer, perusing reams of legalese -- chronicling a then two-year journey into hell -- think, 'hey this is hot.'On the surface, he was looking at a case involving an illegal restraining order, used by an infamous L.A law firm - as a retaliatory weapon to, at first, stop first amendment protected internet postings and then as a way to sabotage a defamation lawsuit against its client.In other words, you diss or sue our client, we have systems in place to set it up so you get destroyed. A vicious business but hardly exciting. The tactic doesn't even have a snazzy Latin name, just a boring American one - extrajudicial strategy.Big Whoop. People lie. Lawyers suck. Water's wet. But, unbutton one more button, and you'll see that she or he, has the goods.We are talking a non-violent misdemeanor pursued like a triple homicide, where a then broke comic hired the high powered fixer law firm Lavely and Singer-Cosby's lawyers ( other clients include: Jeff Bezos, Tony Robbins, Casey Affleck, Brett Ratner, Charlie Sheen, Danny Masterson, Harry Reid, Bryan Singer, Stallone, Schwarzenegger, George Soros, Travolta, Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Anniston)Said lawyers and a group called Kroll (Weinstein's fixers, according to a recent article in the New Yorker) then used the elite LAPD Threat Management Unit (TMU)to help bring sham criminal charges, hide witnesses, doctor police reports, set up illegal searches and fake arrests, and much more.We are talking secret missives from lawyers to cops, from judges to other judges. We are talking seven search warrants (four being special circumstance), eighteen man SWAT-style raids, 31 days in jail - with no underlying charges to justify the jailing or arrest. We are talking extraordinary measures such as having bail denied for a nonviolent misdemeanor case. We are talking me and my family being forced to face the specter of me being forcibly medicated, and committed to Patton State Hospital for the criminally insane.Two excruciating years, culminating in a trial. Though there would be seven charges added over the two years, three charges went to trial because four were dismissed by the prosecutors a month before trial. Those were charges added two months before trial just to terrorize me into a plea. The statutes of limitation were up on those four for heaven's sake.So three went to trial. Two of those were acquitted by the judge, in the middle of trial, and the last remaining one was dismissed by the judge in the almost unheard of ruling of - DISMISSAL IN THE INTERESTS OF JUSTICE.Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I can hear you thinking. She sounded kinda normal there for a while. Paranoid? Schizophrenic? Paranoid Schizophrenia? - a crackpot with a conspiracy theory and a thesaurus?If that's not bad enough, I've been struck, then stuck, with the slander that I'm a celebrity stalker. The word stalker alone evokes the saddest of sadsacks. Celebrity stalker is even worse, the loser of losers. The creepiest of all creeps. Byron and Shelley, collaborating on an ode to say, Kim Kardashian, couldn't make it anything less than pathetic. To make it all even worse, I was apparently hounding a public figure, that almost no one in the public, had heard of.It must seem like I have a steep climb out of a deep hole. And, it is, but it shouldn't have been because the "victim," said I spooked my prey in public.Therefore, I had witnesses. Lots of witnesses. As good as it gets unbiased witnesses: A coffee shop manager, a club manager, a parole officer( moonlighting as a bouncer it would turn out,) and two police women.And not just them, but the "victim." herself. You see, she would end up having to give six accounts of every allegation, and she'd change it up in a way that left no doubt that she was lying, every time.But, before I get to the witnesses, let me give you a smidgen of context. Who was this high profile person? Who was this, "celebrity"? ... Wait for it... Wait for it. Wait for it... Ladies, and gentlemen, it's Tig Notaro.Despite herculean efforts on her part to get famous, I think most of you might still ask, who?Notaro is a comedian, who recently raised her profile exponentially by sharing a long string of woes: mother dying in a freak accident, rare belly bug called C -Diff, and last, but not least - breast cancer.As she buried me, she rose Phoenix-like from the ashes - with a full head of hair, no side effects of any treatments, a couple of specials, and a book deal. But this happened in 2008, four years before Louis CK handed her a career. She was just a struggling comedian, trying to build her brand.And who was I? I was and am a little green alien who's covertly working for the CIA - to protect our great nation from a species of nefarious lizard... Kidding! Kidding! See what they've reduced me to.But seriously, I was a former real estate agent, writer, and editor, just a few months new to L.A. I'd had some success in comedy. I did Improv, character work, and stand up, and was counseled by teachers and many others to "keep doing it you have tons of talent and presence," but I never really followed through enough, but was now dead set on following through.I had no illusions about L.A. For now, I knew I was relegated to open mics - a dismal stomping ground. But, as the saying goes, you have to start somewhere. Being new to L.A, I knew only a few people. One being a girl named Stephanie Willen...(My greatest fear is that you're going to run to the proverbial bus driver and ask him to be let off the proverbial bus. Please stay put. We are getting to the good stuff, if you can call coming this close to being committed to a prison hospital for the criminally insane, and jaw-dropping illegal legal shenanigans, the "good stuff.")But, first I have to have you see that there was no validity to the original restraining order, and at the same time prove to you, that the police were in on it-a set up from the start.This is not a case of she said Vs. she said. It's a case of she said Vs. what she'd later say and how her stories would change in ways that showed from the start that it was all a lie. Strings were being pulled so It's also a case of whatever she says is to be regarded as the gospel truth no matter what evidence comes to light. It's a case where the she that is me could present all the evidence in the world to show my innocence and the she that is not me's guilt and no one would listen, time and time again. But most compellingly it should have been a case of - She said Vs. what many unbiased witnesses would say.As Carl Sagan so sagely said, "Extraordinary claims call for extraordinary evidence." And, I have the evidence.I can show you all of Notaro's six different versions (what she swore to in an affidavit, then told police, then under oath in court, then to an investigator, then to the prosecutors, and then in the civil suits) of her allegations, and how rife with ridiculous inconsistencies they would become. I can also show how her versions clashed with the versions of her alleged witnesses. But I don't want to overwhelm you. So except for two instances, I will present her many versions by supplying a link, and supplying just the final version- the one in the appeal - the one I'm still stuck with due to circumstances, I'll get to a little later on.To see much more documentation and evidence, please see http://henypire.blogspot.com/2016/03/case-8ca10541-misdemeanor-of-century.html also here: this was done in the midst of the case and receipts aplenty https://www.dropbox.com/s/9l6xa0zmrgk67h7/wholecasedot%20%281%29.pdf?dl=0 Neighborhood: Silver Lake4019 Sunset BlvdLos Angeles, CA 90029323-661-7771For this music,, and poetry night follow these instructions: Walk through the door, sign up, wait nervously, get called onto the stage, do your thing, try not to feel awkwardAt Tsunami, I saw ex-friend Stef Willen with Notaro - who I'd never met before. I chatted with Willen - the awkward small talk you make with people you don't like anymore hence the ex. I hung around and listened to some poor to middling poetry and some bad to so-so jokes. The night ended as they say, without incident. For nine months, I never saw or heard from either of them and they never saw or heard from me.In August 2007, Notaro and Willen were in a cafe having coffee when Spitzberg approached their table and began to yell insults at them, including fucking dyke, ugly, cunt, and bitch. They ignored Spitzberg, who followed them outside, became more belligerent, and shoved/pushed Notaro. Spitzberg denied pushing NotaroLater an investigator for the public defender would go talk to him. Sam seems to have gotten spooked by someone, but he still maintained that no violence occurredNotaro forgot her fabrication and would claim to the investigator and to prosecutors that the shove was inside while to the court and prosecutors she said it was outside. Her now saying the push was inside not only shows that was lying but that Sam was, therefore, a particularly great witness against her.To the court of Judge Gerald Roseberg, she would not say anything about any push but would invent a narrative of verbal displays of jealousy and abuse towards the two. Later, she'd evade the investigator but would,d show up again to lie some more to prosecutors. Again, she'd try to create a narrative of jealousy and verbal abuse, and to the prosecutors, she'd go along with the lie that I'd pushed Notaro on that night. And now she was even adding that I chased their car at one point, even though she'd say before they'd come in two cars.Stef Willen's motivations? To pretend she was in peril so Tig could come back into her life to save her? To get me back for perceived slights? Did she then poison Notaro's mind to the extent that Notaro felt justified in decimating me?Most people ask what was the motivation to lie in such an extreme way.I can guess that maybe for her own devious reason Wilen poisoned Notaro so sufficiently that she thought what she was doing was justified. But that's just me surmising. Ican't tell you the exact reasons. I can't understand it or make any good sense of it. After pondering it for over a decade now I think it can be summed up best with three words, "they are sociopaths."Other than the fact Notaro and Willen did it for kicks I can only be left guessing as to what possessed Tig Notaro to set in motion the series of life ruining lies she'd tell, but over time, I did find motivation for Willen on her Myspace and elsewhere.One entry is the day after the restraining order hearing(where Willen could not get herself to lie about any push but would make up other lies.) The other predates the filing of the criminal charge but postdates the discussion with Martha Kelly, where I told Kelly I'd have to sue Notaro for defamation if she didn't cut it out.Now top friends with Tig Notaro's friends, a trip to Aspen and a horse for starters. Interestingly when I new Stef Willen she told me that the thing she missed most when Tig Notaro dumped her was the friends she lost.in the process.During the case, Willen would get more rewards: A Funny or Die Video with Nick Kroll and a few more famous celebrities, winning a writers contest where Notaro and Kroll had ins with those who ran the contest ( John Hodgman at Mcsweeneys}, A spot on NPR's This American Life (Where Kroll is a big donor) an LA press award though Willen had nothing to do with writing any press piece. She would turn all this into getting a book deal for Simon and Shuster but that would be canceled due to her severe dishonesty issues.. Read that karmatically crazy story here: https://medium.com/@laurenspitzberg/the-case-of-stef-willens-missing-memoir-revenge-served-ice-cold-738c89480b52 From Tsunami to Largo nine months have passed. Nine months: The time it takes a baby to gestate and drop into this cold cruel world. I go to a show at a club called Largo.I saw online that the show I wanted to see was MCed by Notaro, but since I had nothing against her and thought she had nothing against me, I didn't think twice about it. I paid my five bucks, had a beer, and enjoyed the show.I had no intention of approaching Notaro, but Notaro approached me after the show. Seeing her standing over me at the bar, I instinctively said, "good show." She said, "thanks." Then, with the weirdest look (a mixture of glee and spite if I had to give it a description,) she said, "You pushed me... you pushed me the last time I saw you" She walked away to talk to a woman. I walked over and asked, "Did you just say I pushed you?"Notaro did the "ready for my check" wave. A man appeared, and she told him, "Get her out of here." I sputtered a few times, and the little guy, I assumed was a bouncer, said, "I don't know what this is about but you've got to go. The artist gets what the artist wants."Since the appeals court decision doesn't mention the woman( Heidi Feigin - Tig Notaro's talent agent at the time,) standing there part, I'll insert the statements made by Notaro about that:Most significantly, take a look what Notaro said under oath, at the hearing to get a permanent restraining order.AND SAID:"YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME. DO YOU REMEMBER ME?" I SAID, "I DO," AND THEN TURNED BACK TO MY AGENT. THEN SHE INTERRUPTED ME AGAIN. SHE SAID "I DON'T THINK YOU REMEMBER ME.I SAID, "I DO REMEMBER YOU. TIME I MET YOU YOU WERE AGGRESSIVE. YOU PUSHED ME, AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU AT ALL." THEN SHE GOT IN MY FACE AND -- IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME, I WILL TELL YOU WHAT SHE SAID.THE COURT: TELL ME WHAT SHE SAIDMS. NOTARO:On the evening of April 7, 2008, after Notaro performed at Largo, Spitzberg approached her and asked Notaro if she remembered her. Notaro said that she remembered meeting her and that Spitzberg had been aggressive and had pushed her. Notaro then said she did not want to talk to Spitzberg and told Spitzberg to leave her alone. Spitzberg became enraged. Notaro was fearful that the situation would escalate and had Michael Griffee, the doorman at Largo, escort Spitzberg out of the club.(Heidi Feigin- was Notaro’s agent and went to see her that night.)Investigator’s report for the public defender:What this agent, Heidi Feigin, told my public defender in March of 2010 during the criminal trial stemming from these lies - written in Alissa Malzman Sterling's handwriting (the public defender who took the case to trial) handwriting:I had no intention of being labeled a violent stalker in the comedy world. Over the next three days, I tried to contact Notaro. I tried to contact Willen. I tried to contact the club. Anything to clear it up. I No luck.If Largo was a pizza joint, I'd get my slices elsewhere. But, I didn't want to be blacklisted from comedy. This had to be a misunderstanding. I went back with my sister to try and straighten things out.The manager was standing outside. I told him what had happened and asked if I could talk to Notaro. I was treated to the, "Whatever the artist wants," spiel again, and some added obnoxiousness thrown in. There was nothing left to do but leave.A few feet away stood a handsome African American man. He'd watched the entire exchange, told us he sympathized with us, was the bouncer for the Dime, and invited us in for a drink. We declined politely and left.Me and my sister lunging at her. She escaping. Club on lockdown for 1 or two or five hours and me and sister screamed homophobic obscenities and banged on windows and doors. Police called by management called since hey packed club on lockdown with two madwoman outside.Notaro performed again at Largo on April 12, 2008. When Notaro was standing outside the club talking to the owner, she saw Spitzberg and her sister running toward her.Spitzberg and her sister went to the club's back door, where they verbally abused the owner and the doorman and yelled, "We're going to get that fucking dyke.According to Spitzberg, Largo's owner and another man at the back door were abusive to her and her sister, and they returned their insults. Spitzberg denied screaming or using obscenities.Okay so, so far three people, Sam, Heidi, and Julius, are saying that Notaro is seeing, feeling(the shove) and hearing things that did not remotely take place. She is alleging verbal and physical mayhem and so far we have three unbiased bystanders saying that absolutely nothing of any note took place.Remember though how I told you I can prove that cops from the Threat Management Unit were involved? Documents that would come to exist from this alleged incident contain that evidence:On September 14th,2009, a year and a half after this all started, to prepare for trial a prosecutor, Martin Boags, sent out for the police records,that had to exist, if the allegations of police being called, and coming were true.The appeals court got the police coming story from Notaro's affidavit and court testimony. As well as from witnesses Michael Griffee and Keven Seccia's sworn testimony where they attested that yes they saw the police.Here's Notaro's version and how Gregozek would present it in a police report:He'd say the same exact thing for seven search warrants that would be executed in this case.In that instance, he'd again write it as fact but also swear to it under oath.(Imagine a club full of people out for a night of laughs, being stuck in lock-down for five hours with two maniacs trying to break down doors and break in windows, and not one person using their cell phones to save themselves. Maybe they counted on management for that, except a year and a half later, a prosecutor sends away for the 911 call and finds out that not one single phone call to police was made. Ergo no police came only to be foiled by the wily absconding Spitzberg sisters.)But Notaro said they came. Her under oath witnesses said the same. Gregozek would submit it to prosecutors and then judges, as verified fact, to get 7 search warrants. Let's look at that again. This would turn out to be her first account, a police report to John Gregozek.When Martin Boags ordered those records, a year and a half later, he learned that no such call was made and so no police arrived.It means that Notaro and two of the "witnesses" she brought to the restraining order hearing (Kevin Seccia and Michael Griffee), lied about this under oath. It means the restraining order was granted due to fraud on the court. It means that John Gregozek has not only included it in his police reports as fact, but swore to it being true, under oath in now six search warrants dating all the way to the time Boags ordered these records.It means something is very wrong with the case against me and since you cannot prosecute a violation of a restraining order, if the order was obtained by perjury and fraud on the court, it means the case must be dismissed and Notaro and those "witnesses" should be prosecuted. Notaro for lying to the police and perjury and the others for perjury.It means that Gregozek also committed perjury by swearing to this under oath in all those warrants. It's not as if he didn't know. I send him all the witness statements the minute I got them. I sent it to any prosecutor on the case too. I was sure maybe they didn't know better till then but it turned out that they did and could care less, because they were not working for "the people" but for certain masters.It means I have been defamed and maliciously prosecuted at the restraining order hearing and now in the criminal courts and have cause to sue for a lot of damages. But I only knew that no police were called or came 'til a year and a half later because no one told me till after trial.At this point, all I knew was that my name was being smeared as a violent person, who shoved strangers for no reason. This lie was being perpetuated by a well-connected comedian, and at a place (Largo) where I'd intended to pursue my goals and dreams.And try as I did, Notaro and Willen seemed dead set on not clearing this up. The only thing I felt left to do was to bemoan my fate online. Basically, I went on a message board calledand did a little virtual fist shaking; asking if anyone ever heard of this Tig, and why this annoyingly named person was such an asshole. It turned out that a few people, who followed alternative comedy, had heard of her, but most didn't. But it was agreed by all, that indeed she was behaving like a true blue false accusing asshole.I have to make it very clear that nothing I have posted then or since has ever resembled a threat. To make it clearer, nothing in that thread, or anything I ever wrote online, was used or mentioned in any of the legal proceedings that were to follow. Everything written by me was strictly protected by the First Amendment. Nothing was even untrue and therefore though I would sue for defamation, no one ever sued me or even counter-sued me for defamation, after they were sued for defamation.(Later I would find out that during the duration of that thread, Notaro's lawyer, Allison Hart Sievers of Lavely and Singer, had sent a series of cease and desist letters to. The other side would refuse to produce those so I don't know what they said but I do know that Lavely and Singer's cease and desist/threat letters are legendary Seventeen days later, I went to the Improv for an open mic.In the foyer was a poster of Notaro. She was going to be there later that night.I must have looked like a hitchhiker, who just noticed that the passenger's side door handle had been removed. I called my sister. "Tig is coming here. Tig is coming here. What do I do!!!""Oh for god's sake, chill the fuck out," said my sister."Even if you are still there when she comes, she won't do anything. Who knows, maybe she'll even feel sorry. If you're still there when she comes, she wouldn't do anything.""Do you think?""Could be. She's human, isn't she?"Having been talked down, I signed up for the open mic. At some point, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. A comedian (Brian Whitaker) came out to have a smoke too. We talked for a bit when suddenly his eyes widened. It was Brian's turn to look at me like the doomed hitchhiker whose stop had come and gone. "Hey I recognize you. You're Alisa. Your picture and your sister's picture have been faxed to the club. I'm sorry but you can't come back in."Oh my god. What is wrong with this crazy bitch?I called my sister, this time crying. She came over.O.K. I think you know where this is headed - (the artist wants what the artist wants blah blah blah). We were by the car when the cops showed up. She had actually called the fucking police!Officers Badar and Montalvo acted all coplike at first, with the 'stay there no funny moves' routine. Badar stood guard as Montalvo went inside to talk to Notaro and who knows who else.Montalvo reemerged after a few minutes and went into a huddle with Badar. They both looked confused. Montalvo had a particularly obvious expression of bemusement. Then their miens seemed to change - they became friendly. Badar said, "Go home, ladies. There has been no crime here."And then Badar said something that made little sense at the time, "If I were you. I'd get a lawyer.""Why would we need a lawyer?""I just would, if I were you."I guess even where's there no crime, cops don't go in for conversation. We went home but didn't call a lawyer. What would I need a lawyer for?On April 29, 2008, Notaro was driving to perform a show at the Hollywood Improv club when the promoter called her to inform her that Spitzberg had been removed from the club. When Notaro arrived, she saw Spitzberg outside the club, talking to people. Notaro entered the club through a side door. The security guard for the Improv club, Brian Whitaker, told Notaro that Spitzberg said that she knew where Notaro lived, the color and make of Notaro's car, and the car's license plate number. Spitzberg, her mother, and her sister remained outside the front of the club and verbally attacked other performers, patrons and security guards for over two hours. Notaro attempted to leave the club, but because she felt unsafe, she remained in the club. The police were called, but they were unable to take any action because Notaro's life had not been directly threatened. After the Spitzbergs left, Notaro went home.Please note that Gregozek did not say there was an arrest (though the minutes of the court would say so for the duration of the criminal case and so Martin Boags would send away for arrest records), but he did include an incident number. See the last line of the first paragraph.Neither Montalvo or Badar filled out any reports that night - no police report or incident report. Since the police weren't called that last time too, or the time where Notaro says she was verbally assaulted and violently shoved, there are no police or incident reports by anyone other than Gregozek, in this whole case.Why then would Gregozek invent an incident report number for the occasion? If he was on the up, and up he'd contact Montalvo and Badar and include their finding in his report. Instead, he doesn't do that but rather inserts a number that he knows doesn't exist.The only answer could be that Gregozek was trying to make me look as bad as possible so I'd be prosecuted and ultimately convicted. In other words, he was framing me.First, he had to have known that no police were called or came the night of the 12th. But, he'd written it as verified fact. Now he had to have known that Montalvo and Badar had concluded that no crime occurred and so they did not see fit to make any record whatsoever. This time he'd go as far as to invent a number so any future prosecutor or judge would think there was all sorts of police involvement in this case.Since I was repeatedly refused the names of those two female officers, 'til deep into the malicious prosecution, I did not get an affidavit from either. But when this case was scheduled for trial, the public defender, Alissa Malzman, would contact Montalvo (no one seemed to be able to contact Badar. whose father was a famed cop) and Alissa told me Montalvo told her that she concluded that no crime occurred and so did not see any good reason to fill out any reports. She also told Malzman she'd be a witness for my defense. ( Interestingly before that day, Montalvo would be put on the prosecutions witness list without her permission. There was just the assumption that she'd play along.)Wow. A cop ready to go against other cops. A cop who could not only testify that Notaro and Nick Kroll's accounts were false and malicious but would make it clear that Gregozek contacted her (or didn't contact her) and saw fit to invent an incident number, to assist in a malicious prosecution against me. Gregozek even swore to it in his search warrants. Had she testified to all that who knows what kind of Pandora's box could open? It would surely possibly ruin Nick Kroll and Tig Notaro's career. Who would tolerate such cruel false accusers as comedians? Would it also have shed light on the arrangements detailed in this blog that I found long after my case was over https://losangeleslessconfidential.wordpress.com/ Basically, that blog asserts that some very fishy very high stakes arrangements were transpiring between the TMU and Marty Singer(The mastermind behind Lavely and Singer: )Only the good die young. Jacqueline Montalvo came to court on February 22nd, 2010 to tell Alissa Malzman Sterling that she never filled out any report and that she would be my witness. On February 25th, 2010 -- three days later - she was dead. A car accident. Though there was no smell of alcohol according to investigators, a few weeks later a medical examiner would conclude that she was extremely drunk at the time of the accident. The accident took place after she visited a mall in the afternoon.Moving on.In her affidavit, Notaro had also sworn that a sheriff snuck her into a side door during the mayhem. Sheriff at the side door? A sheriff sneaking her into the side door? Was he wearing a Stetson and a big brass badge? Later we investigated and found out there was no side door at the Improv, and obviously no sheriff because he would have shown up in this case. So... no side door and no Sheriff. No shit.Remember Brian Whitaker? The comedian who lied for Notaro at the restraining order "hearing."?Well, later on we'd learn that a few months after the hearing, he was opening for her at the Imrpov ( when before this he only did open mics-poorly.) He even went to thank her on her Myspace:Two hard knocks on the door. Two giants to my 5' 6" inch eyes stand in the doorway. They introduced themselves as Detective Gregozek (cuemusic) and Detective Hoffman LAPD. I immediately knew it was about Notaro, since I didn't have a beef with anyone else and no one I knew had been recently murdered. I was so happy to see them. Maybe they could talk some sense into her and I could continue my life pre slander.We'd later find out they'd just come from the offices of Lavely and Singer, where they'd picked up a temporary restraining order(that was given Notaro ex parte - no hearing, no notice. No way for me to contest it. To get it ex parte, and to have the fee waived, she'd swear that she was too terrified and this was an emergency situation based on stalking,) and a small stack of internet postings from the message board,"Did you write about Tig on the internet?" asked Gregozek"There were no threats. Is it illegal now to make fun of someone on the internet?"The easy admission seemed to deflate him. "No... it's not illegal, but it is illegal to push someone."" She's still sticking to that lie?""Well Stephanie is saying it too."Oh my god. What is wrong with these crazy bitches????!!!!!Gregozek filled me in on what I'd been doing, behind my very own back, for the last few months. Basically, behaving in a grossly undignified manner - pushing, ranting, raving at people and stationary objects. Someone was creating a narrative for me, whether one bit true or not.Between my, "oh my god she's lying, oh my god they're lying, oh dear god why are they lying like this," I remembered all the people who had to have shared Notaro's traumas - the witnesses. I then told them about the witnesses.Back then, I only knew them by their generic identities - the barista, the bouncer, the brunette that was standing near Notaro at Largo, the coffee shop people, the club goers, and those two female cops.Holy Cow - CCTV. Holy double cow - the cops.I almost felt sorry for Notaro. She really fucked herself over. You can mess with me but not with the mighty LAPD. Gregozek and Hoffman did not appear to care about my Perry Mason moment or any possible witnesses. They got off the sofa and presented me with the temporary R.O, " You can tell all that to a judge."But... But... But... ""We're not Stupid. We see what's going on." said Hoffman.Of course, they did! They were actual detectives."But why do I have to see a judge then?"Just stay off the internet," Gregozek said, "and you'll be fine. From what I can tell she won't even show up.""But how would you know that?""Just stay off the internet and you'll be fine."(Later I'd call him and he'd change it up with, "Just stay off the internet and your legal troubles are over.")"But how is it illegal to tell people she's lying about me when she is?""It's only a problem when you have a permanent hearing coming up," he said in a no more questions you bore me baritone.Gregozek and Hoffman left. I wouldn't see them again 'til a year and a half later, when they came back with 18 friends in riot gear - One with a battering ram.A few still shots from the tape:The papers they gave me held the first clue as to who the brunette lady was at Largo. (It was Tig's talent agent, Heidi Feigin. Notaro made it her business to tell anyone reading about how her agent from William Morris was at the center of all the action. ) And, a new name, a name I'd never heard of, someone named Nick Kroll. But Kroll's name wouldn't seem significant till years later. Then, he just seemed like just another liar.Notaro's official affidavit embellished new horrors: Me and my sister acting like B movie gangsters mixed with rednecks - watch your back see, gay bashing, hate criming through the streets of West Hollywood, casing the joint see, shoving, dodging the coppers on the night of April 12th. Notaro was supplying me with all kinds of dialogue - providing me with words and expressions I'd never use.The first version of the perversion was signed by Notaro, and though it had a handwritten name of a law firm, Lavely and Singer, on top, there was no bar number and no lawyer's signature.I Googled Lavely and Singer. It said they were a boutique law firm. That conjured up images of small stylish storefronts selling dresses, hats, gloves, and all manner of lovely little things. Not too alarming.I googled Notaro, to get some insight into her. She had a MySpace page. I saw her write all sorts of fishy things on her blog. For instance, she admitted to falsely accusing someone of being on drugs and spoke of how people were trying to murder her as she went on the road.I saw too that the cops were right about her not showing up - she would be appearing in Denver on the day of the hearing.Aha!I looked up Gregozek and Hoffman. Nothing about them then. If I had gone a little deeper - searched a little more, I would have found out about Lavely and Singer and Marty Singer, and I would have known that John Gregozek and James Hoffman were not regular LAPD. They worked for the LAPD's Threat Management Unit - a unit that only dealt with the city's more serious stalking cases.I would have also found out that their former head, Robert Martin, had recently been represented by Lavely and Singer in a defamation claim against an author and Penguin Publishing. The gist was that a David Waddell wrote about a book(about shady dealing with celebrity stalking and security cases and had written things critical about the Threat Management Unit.Later I'd see that this unit had been featured in L.A. magazine, and years later they even got their own show (unimaginatively calledand thankfully canceled quickly), but before the hearing, and for a few months after, I thought they were just regular LAPD Detectives. Even without knowing their true identity, it begged the question, was it normal practice for two big strapping detectives to act as process servers who advise "suspects," to stay off the internet?Was Notaro more powerful than Jennifer Aniston?Jennifer Aniston? What are you on about? How did Jennifer Aniston get involved in all this?It turned out that Aniston and Notaro had a few things in common.1. They both claimed to have stalkers, and wanted R.O.'s.2. They both got them in the same Santa Monica court.3. They both were represented by Lavely and Singer.4. Both cases were given to the TMU with Gregozek as lead detective.1. Jennifer Aniston's' application for the temporary order is 96 pages long - stuffed with police reports, incident reports, her lawyer's bar number, and name is typed in and he signs it, a lengthy affidavit from Gregozek, and a lengthy affidavit from Aniston.You can see that here: http://tmz.vo.llnwd.net/o28/newsdesk/tmz_documents/0720_aniston_2.pdf 2. Notaro's is a one page emailed affidavit and three pages of handwritten filled out court forms.And then the bizarrely empty forms to get the fee waived and to qualify for it without notice or hearing cause the situation is so dire.3. The TMU is out and proud as the unit involved in Aniston's case. In my case ,the TMU and Gregozek are operating on the down low. Gregozek or any one else at the TMU is nowhere to found on paper, or at the hearing.4. In Aniston's case, everything is typewritten with the lawyers signature in two spaces. In my case, the lawyer's bar number is not included, there is no signature, and not only would the lawyer not show up to the hearing, she did not write anything or sign the forms.Vs.Aniston's RO request is signed by her Lavely and Singer lawyerVs. No signatureNotaroNo Bar NumberNotaro's lists Los Angeles PoliceAnd although there is no evidence of the TMU, or any of their detectives in the restraining order filing or hearing we do see that Gregozek was doing deliveries for Lavely and Singer.In short, the TMU were strictly acting as errand boys with badges. They don't exist in any real way until criminal charges are filed right after I'd sue Notaro for defamation.My dying words will be," If I knew then what I know now." And, my epitaph, " Shoulda, coulda, woulda."I shoulda taken out a billboard on Sunset Boulevard, with these words:My dearest Tig,I know you love the sound of your own name. Don't get me wrong, I love it too. And yet what does it stand for? Terrific Incredible Genius. Get it? TIG. Madonna, Oprah, Cher, Charo, even Jesus are yesterday's news. The world needs a new one-namer and Tig is that name. Please please please stop trying to destroy my life.Your most humblest admirer,Alisa Spitzberg.We shoulda and coulda hauled ass to find witnesses before the hearing; taken out an ad in the Los Angeles Times, "If you've been at this place at this time and saw nothing unusual please call Alisa Spitzberg at this number."At the time, and now, I don't like to haul ass. Most of all, I wouldn't have listened to the oddly honest lawyer I spoke to - who told me that though he charged five thousand dollars, he wouldn't take my money, because no judge would grant such an order with no evidence and based on a push, real or imagined, that happened 9 months ago, especially since no one even called the cops.Instead of doing any of that, on the day of the hearing, I drove down to the Santa Monica Courthouse, in a stupid state of calm. Yeah, the two cops were somewhat sketchy, but really bad apples only existed in movies or down in Compton. While Gregozek and Hoffman weren't exactly in season Honeycrisp, they couldn't have worms at their center.As for judges: I thought they were the ultimate adults of the universe. If that Burbank attorney thought he couldn't take our money, no judge could see it differently. Again, I felt twisted pity for this Tig person. If she, in fact, did show up, she'd be shamed in open court, fined, or even jailed for false statements.Well, that didn't happen.I cannot emphasize how I didn't get what I was getting into. Notaro showed up with Stephanie Willen and the bouncer and two comedians. However, the Lavely and Singer lawyer, Allison Hart Sievers, did not show up.If the lawyer of note is not present, the proceeding cannot continue. For Notaro to proceed without a lawyer, she'd have to file a substitution of attorney. Meaning, they'd have to postpone the hearing.The judge had to say, "Where's your lawyer, Ms. Notaro? I don't know if you know, but Ms. Sievers knows that if she's not here we can't proceed. Where are these cops you list as just LAPD? And who are all these people who you've brought to court? None of them are in your affidavit? And they sure didn't fill out any affidavits. It's terribly unfair that Ms. Spitzberg cannot have a way to properly cross examine them, and you just made major inconsistent statements without even cross examination so... And, one more thing Ms. Notaro, who the hell are these three roommates you list here? Are these the men you've brought with you? No? None are here today? So you're telling me you want to restrain her from three men who are not even present. Ms. Notaro, I think you are a very shady lady. You've got some splaining to do."Well, that didn't happen.I'll just offer you the low-lights. Rosenberg helped Tig when she couldn't remember dates, when she couldn't remember locations, helped refresh her memory to what she or her witness's already said. He didn't force them to sit outside when the others testified as required by law. He didn't notice that the information she spouted in court did not match up to what she'd written in her affidavit. (Just one example of many: Now I didn't go to Largo to stalk Tig I'd come to stalk Stephanie. After 9 months of no contact, I'd somehow took an insane guess that Stephanie followed Tig around to all locations. HUH?) He didn't notice that one witness, Micheal Griffee completely changed his story from moment to moment, right in front of him.The clincher to him was that I had checked her schedule on MySpace. When I saw I was being railroaded, I asked for a continuance because of how I read she would be in Denver at the time of the hearing. Saying I saw this on her MySpace to him was an admission so damning, that he almost said, BUSTED!Her witnesses babbled on unabated, with no way for me to prove they were lying cause they'd never supplied any previous statements. A three-year CLETS order was awarded to her and her three roommates (who'd I'd never seen or even heard of. Later I'd find out that two of themwith her at any time, much less at the time of that hearing.)Avoiding Notaro would be relatively easy, but keeping a non jailable distance from all men of roommate age was no way to live. I'd only feel safe around ladies who were not Tig, which again was no way to live.Would people actually come into court and lie under oath? I have to believe most people would never do that. But if you spent five minutes in the L.A. comedy scene, then you wouldn't be as surprised. For instance, Stephanie Willen went from being a secretary of a gossip columnist to thanking Tig for getting her a job as her camera woman, trips to Aspen, a horse(for pete's sake!)and actually getting a Funny or Die video( With Notaro and Nick Kroll)credits, and even a small spot on NPR's this American Life(We'd later learn how that went down)Open Mic-er Brian Whitaker never had a paying gig since being in L.A was suddenly on his My Space talking about opening at the Improv for Notaro.As for the little guy I'd thought was the bouncer... His name was Michael Griffee and he was the assistant manager at Largo. We'd later learn that Largo was being funded by one of the other "witnesses" in the case, but I want to keep that a mystery, dear reader, for a short while longer. Suffice it to say he can be shown to have motive to lie.A month later, on June 29th 2008, I began my unpaid legal career by filing a notice of appeal.During the two months that followed the granting of the order, I went out a few times to comedy clubs. I kept to the more fringe ones - places where I hoped my wanted poster wasn't posted by the bar. One night, I was at a venue called El Cid. I ended up talking to a girl named Martha Kelly (who I knew from Tig's MySpace was a friend of Tigs.)(Note: I could have no idea she would be there since she was not performing that night. This fact would become slightly significant much later.)One side effect of all this fuckery was, that apropos of almost anything, I'd start babbling about the THING. The THING being that for no godly reason Notaro had set about trying to ruin my name and life and was abusing the system to reach those ends. I was recently run over and the tracks were still fresh. Tig's name was too easy an invitation to refuse.Somewhere in the recounting of the THING, I said to Kelly, "She needs to stop doing this, she's killing my mother."Besides being the most limp wristed strong arm tactic in the history of provocation, it was also true. My mother is a refined little Hungarian, from a generation, where restraining orders are strictly given to drunk men in wife beaters. The fact of her ex-yeshiva girl getting one was too much to bear. She also saw what went down in the restraining order and could not believe that this could happen in America. Plus, it really broke her heart that I was stopped from doing comedy.Not only would Tig not stop this, this got worse. Why Notaro was so cruel will never make sense. She shouldn't have won but she won, but she seemed to want more. After filing the appeal, my name popped up all over the internet. Grade school scarlet letter stuff. The ugliest stuff imaginable. So ugly I have a hard time repeating it.A Harris Wittels told the world I stalked not just Notaro but many female comedians. Some stranger named Jazz Ponce backed him up on this. A Scott Boxenbaum referred to me many times as a stalker, the town weirdo and more. When I tried to respond in any way, I was either attacked or blocked from the site. Later I'd find out that the people who were either saying vicious things or were making sure I couldn't protect myself against the viciousness, were all connected to Nick Kroll. At the time though it just made no sense and it felt like hell. I'd also find out that Notaro had notified every comedy club in L.A to be on the lookout for me and when she performed she requested special green rooms to be safe from her, "crazy stalker."Stalking is a crime and being wrongfully accused of it is defamation, and that is actionable. In other words, you can sue. If it's a lie, the person saying or spreading the defamation on the internet is liable for libel. So I continued my uncompensated legal career by writing a defamation suit (I couldn't get a lawyer without paying a lot of money, I didn't have, upfront.)I filed the suit on August 11th, 2008. A few days later, on August 19th, 2008. things went from the miserable to the horrible.I got a letter in the mail from the office of the city attorney- it said that they were pursuing a charge on a violation of a restraining order, but what for? The letter didn't tell me what I'd allegedly done to violate any order. And since I didn't do anything, I couldn't even guess. What happened next sounds too crazy to be believed, but it happened and I'm going to tell you. In the last few weeks (but months after I first posted this,)Marty Singer and Kroll have been in the news so I'm hoping it now might be more readily believed.So, I had no idea why I was being charged. I was told by a lawyer ( I'd hired for some off the record help with the defamation case) that I had a right to call the city attorney and find out. I did so and gave the case number to the person on the phone. Soon after a man's voice got on and said in the nastiest possible tone, "I'm handing your case and I can't wait to get you," and then the man hung up but not before I got his name... Ed Gauthier.At the time I just couldn't believe what I'd just heard but now I know that considering who was pulling the strings, in my case, Ed Gauthier's insane proclamation make a twisted sense.(I never did hear from or see Gauthier again)My mother saw my terror and called Gregozek, asking how they could criminally charge me for anything, when he and Hoffman knew Notaro was a liar. She got off the phone looking a mix of confused and scared."Is suing someone for defamation illegal?""Of course not. What did he say?"He said, "What could I do. You sued her, didn't you?"Even without Detective blabbermouth admitting it, it wasn't hard to figure out what was going on. But it was hard to figure out the how.As a lawyer would say in the near future, " These people are obviously commandeering the system and I don't know why?"Hi Alisa,I understand your frustration, I really do.Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that the system knows it's being commandeered, and it comes down to your word against hers and the DA and cop who inexplicably believe her.I will walk in on the 16th a motion, probably the Pitchess and the discovery motion. I will bring the motion to dismiss once we complete those motions, as we will perhaps have more information to support the dismissal at that point. In fact, I foresee bringing the motion to dismiss on multiple occasions before and during trial.As far as depositions are concerned, we're going to have to wait on that. We are not entitled to a deposition in a criminal proceeding, only to have her on the stand to confront and cross-examine at the trial.Good question future lawyer. How the hell is Notaro so powerful that she outpowers Jennifer Aniston? So powerful that she gets the TMU to try and sabotage a defamation suit and now a prosecutor is telling me, " I can't wait to get you"? Not to mention how in the hell is she paying for those Lavely and Singer lawyers, who we since found out were as high powered, and expensive as it gets. (Averaging 500 bucks an hour.) Marty Singer, according to a recent article, now gets $ 1,050 bucks an hour.I'm going to tell you my theory in a minute. Please pay attention cause this is the most important part of everything. Remember, Notaro and her lawyer knew she was being sued on August 11th. Let's look at Gregozek's version of what happened.That night Martha Kelly makes an urgent call to Notaro, immediately. She tells her that not only was I worried about my mother's health but that I want firearms.Notaro suddenly feels the need to call Gregozek and tell him what Kelly has told her. Gregozek doesn't write a report.He, and two other detectives, ride from Downtown L.A to Hermosa Beach to show Kelly one photo (me). While there they take no witness statements. They will make no further investigation whatsoever.Lawsuit filedLetter dated August 19th is sent to me informing me that I've been charged with a misdemeanor by a Phyllis Henderson (Whom I'd never hear from or see again.)Gregozek attempts to get a stalking charge filed, but a City Attorney named Webster rejects it.According to the file, I am officially charged with one count misdemeanor, which is strange considering the August 19th letter from the Office of the City Attorney. Why send a letter about a charge that hasn't even been filed yet?So we're supposed to believe that Notaro gets an urgent call that a restrained person is talking about guns. She sits around for two weeks and four days, and then apropos of nothing special happening, she decides to call her cop, Gregozek, to report it. Then, for seven days, Gregozek and the TMU sit on their asses and then on the eighth day, the TMU lets three Elite Detectives, Gregozek, Hoffman, and Defoe, take a day trip to Hermosa Beach - to show a... photo to Martha Kelly? They take no statements?So the day after I sue Notaro, Gregozek goes in for an arrest warrant. Now the law is that when it comes to misdemeanors an officer must witness the crime to get such a warrant so that is very suspicious to begin with. But whoever calls the shots rejects his application.: Kelly tells Notaro about the conversation. End of story. More than two weeks later, on the 11th or after, Allison Sievers gets the heads up that Notaro has been sued, and Gregozek, , gets a call from Sievers, telling him what she wants him to do. She wants me arrested and she wants them to do anything so my civil suit against Notaro will fail.That day he goes to submit his police report to get an arrest warrant and is rebuffed. He gives up on the warrant business but shops around for a prosecutor to sign off on a misdemeanor (Violation of a court order.)A letter is sent to me on August 19th telling me of some charge. He's done his duty, but Notaro wants more, so Allison directs Gregozek to bring him a prized charge of stalking. A City Attorney by the name of Webster, rejects it, we'd find out. So we can guess that some prosecutors are in on it and some just aren't.Gregozek presents no witness statements, no evidence of any kind and not even the restraining order (we'd also soon find out) so they have no triable case and they know it. As you will see soon, the first plea I am offered is ten days in jail- an outrageous offer that no defendant would consider. And for the next court appearance, the plea will become informal diversion- a few hours of anger management and stay out of trouble for a year and you'll have no record.Why thank you, good sirs, ten days and now practically nothing. forbidden to ever write about Tig Notaro's actions on the internet. as a condition? Of course, good sirs.But, I didn't. I didn't do the one thing they bet on from the start - I wouldn't plea when not guilty. I didn't take even a plea for "informal diversion." And, if I didn't take that there was nothing better they could offer. If they dismissed it I could proceed with the defamation suit and have a case for malicious prosecution too. And if that happened, what could be discovered in discovery?Why was no one putting the breaks on this mess? They knew about the witnesses by now. They knew about all those ridiculously inconsistent statements. Maybe she had family in the Mafia? Notaro did sound Italian. Maybe her father is some powerful millionaire. I looked a little into it, and her father might be Italian, but he definitely wasn't a powerful millionaire. She did claim to be Sarah Silverman's best friend but was Silverman so powerful? I don't think so. Sorry, Sarah.So here's the theory as to how little Tig could have the TMU and the prosecutors and judges do her bidding.We'd learn much later, she did have a friend- a friend who said he'd go to Greenland for her cause he'd do anything for her. And he also said she was his oldest and best comedy friend. And this friend's father is very very powerful and not just a millionaire, but a multi-billionaire with connections.Not just connections but very specific connections to the players in my case.His name is Nick Kroll.At the time, Nick Kroll, was a struggling comedian, without the struggle, and yes that Nick Kroll - the one who lied about the car being full of beer cans the cops failed to see, and who we surely never saw on the scene. The one who submitted that disgusting series of lies that all seemed to want to not only to paint me as a deranged stalker but also aimed to dispute Jaqueline Montalvo's testimony. The one who was supposed to be Tig's most important witness, but didn't show up to the R.O hearing.No matter how many times it's proven that people, especially in the fucked up justice system, do get together to do bad and then cover each other's asses, conspiracies will always be shorthand for organic brain disease.Generally, I have no use for conspiracy theories or the people who believe in them. My default position is that many people don't get together to do very bad things, cause many people makes it way too complicated. I feel sorry and annoyed at the tragic but still annoying souls who get stuck on them. Doomed to sit in darkened rooms, chain smoking and scribbling on the walls. Black sharpied circles and arrows, spiderwebbing into red sharpied, AHAs, to be shared in dark web chatrooms with other weirdos.So the conspiracy grows. If you harass a waiter and find a toenail in your soup, your suspicions could be taken seriously. If you accuse the water-boy, who you've also been rude to, with supplying the nail clipper eh not so much. If you insist that the chef set the whole thing up, it will make your fellow dining companions try to secretly catch each other's eyes. If you accuse the management of the entire chain of malfeasance, you will make your parents cry. The saying, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you," should be more specific in the suspect numbers.So what do you do if you're me - drowning in a forest of fallen trees of actual evidence? We were confused about the why, but really stymied on the how and the who.Nah. No way. Couldn't be. And, yet it couldn't be anything else. Cognitive dissonance can make you feel mad - angry that you have to write long disclaimers on how you are angry mad not mad mad. How could a little thing called Tig have the power of 500 dollars an hour lawyers, Elite police squads, prosecutors. and judges? The suspect numbers were just too much.In late 2013, three years after the criminal trial, the who and how became clear. I was reading some unrelated to my case article, when I saw the words Kroll Securities, and remembered the last name of that particularly vicious false witness. I googled Kroll Securities, and soon enough came upon a Wikipedia for a powerful billionaire named Jules Kroll, and indeed Nick Kroll was his youngest son. Soon enough I came upon an article about an Ian Puddick- who had a website devoted to how he was screwed by Kroll and the cops. It eerily mimicked my tale.Basically, in England there was a guy named Ian Puddick. Ian's wife had an affair with her boss. Ian found out and did the understandable things a spurned husband would tend to do - He called the wife of her boss. He called the boss. He got angrier and called clients of the boss and told them secrets of what his wife told him about the boss. And, finally, he did what I did, took to the interent...started a ... gasp... blog. The blog was basically about how Mr. Tim Haynes is a very bad man. Just as in my case he'd committed no crime just pissed the wrong person off.The only things unusual thing in this scenario of the aggrieved spouse causing a ruckus is who the boss had on retainer to fight said ruckus - Kroll Inc/ Kroll Ltd/ Kroll Risk/ Kross securities.Kroll sounds like what would happen if Tom Clancy and Kafka had a baby - a Dr. Evil by way of James Bond, in a business suit. Kroll has got their dirty little fingers in all the spooky arts imaginable - litigation support/ reputational management, Private investigations/ Forensics/ Defense Contracting/ CIA contractors and on and on.For our purposes, we'll stick with reputation management. In short, if someone has a reputation problem, or as the kids today call it, " brand issues," Kroll will assess the risk to the reputation and take measures to contain the risk and then restore the reputation. Please look it up.See! They don't even hide it. What they do hide is how they go about it.Then more articles -about how Jules Kroll scouts for lawyers, prosecutors, and even judges and offers lucrative jobs in the private sector. Oh looky here, Bill Bratton, the chief of police at the time of my prosecutionalso moonlights as a Chairman for KrollKa-ching. Jesus Christ. No fucking way. Oh looky here the former head of the TMU was a Robert Martin, who was represented by Lavely and Singer when a David Waddle wrote a book seeking to expose the alliance between crooked cops trying to get in good with lawyers etc so they could get high paying jobs in private and celebrity security.Well he now also works for Kroll. And another former head of the TMU, Gregory Boles, now works for Kroll in Africa. Lucrative as hell. There was even more links between Kroll and law enforcement of all kind, in cities all over the world. They even owned the forensic labs that did the drug testing for law enforcement and they did security for courthouses throughout the land. An Article in Business Week week spoke of how FBI, Mossad, CIA, prosecutors of all kinds, and cops of all kinds could count on a second very lucrative second career if Kroll scouted them. Implicit in those articles in my estimation is that Jules Kroll scouts you if he sees you are willing to play dirty.To sum it up, Ian Puddick is someone I can cry in my beer with. I had a little blog. He had a little blog. He was annoying his wife's boss and I was annoying Nick Kroll's friend. In both cases, they used the services of particular lawyers, who contacted special branches of the police. In both cases, they criminalized a civil case. The missing link is that in my case, the brand I was annoying was someone who was MCing shows for five dollars a ticket. In Puddick's case, he was pestering a director of a multi million dollar insurance agency. And, the big thing we have in common is Kroll.All court houses, especially big city ones, have a lot of history. Rosenberg's Santa Monica court had Roman Polanski in the vicinity before Polanski decided to pop out and off to Switzerland. Ms. Folz's beat all that. The marble benches where I spent countless butt breaking hours were haunted by infamous phantom asses i.e Manson and his disciples, O.J and his family, Robert Blake and his family (or maybe nobody came for him. I don't know) I am not putting myself in such vaunted company but I was treated a lot more seriously than the average non violent misdemeanor defendant.. Again with Carl Sagan, "extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence."Public defender, Anan Desai, was a lot like that misguided attorney from Burbank. Desai was a young princely sort. I liked him and he seemed to like me back. He treated me like a good friend. He told me it was curious to bring charges on so crappy a case. He wondered aloud, " what is going on with comedians in Los Angeles," and passionately said twice he'd be happy to take it to trial. He told me that their plea offer was ten days in jail. Anan commented on how bizarrely harsh that was.He didn't even have the restraining order in his possession. No one had given him it. It would turn out that the prosecutor, Phyllis Henderson, who agreed to add a charge, did not have it in her possession when she charged me, but Anan did have one page - a police report dated April 30th. He read me the report. It made me giddy. Notaro had seriously changed her story again. So now she had changed her story from April 30th to May 5th, and then again on May 28th. Now we had the push inside, not outside and all the words I used on her and her agent were changed to now say that they'd been used on her and Stef Willen. There were many more glaring inconsistencies that would have convinced anyone that Notaro (and Willen and any witness she brought to the hearing)were lying their asses off.Oh Tig. Tig. Tig! You are way past perjury, now you are deep into even more felonious misconduct. You are way past a civil restraining order now you've engaged the criminal justice system to fight your vendetta. Forget about fines or probation, honey, you're going to the big house.I stood in front of Judge Dennis Landin. I heard Landin make a garbled comment about granting something. I had no idea what he possibly could have been granting. I figured he was talking about the order that was already granted. Did Anan know? I don't know. It turned out to be a Domestic Violence criminal restraining order.Did Landin say, when presented with the prosecutor's request,"Domestic Violence? There is no dispute that there is no relationship between these two. Are Ms. Notaro and Ms. Spitzberg married, shacking up, or even related? And even if they were, there's this quaint little thing called due process, where we are required to give notice to Ms Spitzberg. There must be a hearing before I could sign this serious piece of paper that will restrict all kinds of civil rights. What has possessed you Mr. Prosecutor, you gotta lotta splaining to do.That didn't happen.Instead, Judge Dennis Landin discarded all that due process nonsense, and signed the order.(only much later would I even know such an order existed and only much later would prosecutors try to use it at trial.)Of course, I didn't plead guilty or take any plea, so I had to go back for more. Anan was missing from the second hearing. In his place was the Anti Anan - A ferocious ferret named Nicky Meehan. Meehan was strictly concerned with pleasing the powers that be - scraping the dry peas off the court's plate. Meehan was presenting me with a new plea. The plea was called "informal diversion." She spoke of a few hours of anger management and how if I stayed out of trouble for a year, it won't even be on my record. How did it go from ten days in jail to some rageaholic get-togethers?I asked her this. She said, "Cause it's a bullshit case." But, I didn't mismanage my rage in any way that would get me into any legal trouble, and I told her this. She like every cynical lawyer in every cynical lawyer movie said,"look around. Most of these people are innocent too. It doesn't matter. You got the best plea in the criminal justice system."I looked around. Surely most of them must have done something. You don't get charged with crimes, willy nilly. I didn't get the irony back then. Was it because I was white, and though financially compromised, at the time, was still living in the not so distant past, where I had, "Call my lawyer," cache.When you are, "in it," you are not thinking about class systems and socioeconomic studies, you're only thinking that this has got to end soon. They'll drop it. Worse comes to worse we'll go to trial - a day or two tops. I'll be vindicated . Then back to normal life - normal life seemed so grand compared to this." So no, absent dismissal, I want to take it to trial," I told her.Nicky Meehan walked off in a literal huff.It didn't look like anyone was eager to help me. But I tried again, I wrote Detective Hoffman these emailsInsert emailsBefore those emails, I'd called him and begged him to talk to Sam Consuegra at Tsunami in Silverlake, a short distance away from the TMU's downtown L.A office. And, he actually chuckled and said, "I'm not going to talk to witnesses for THIS."Since no one was going to help us, we did what we should have done at the beginning( Not that that would have probably made a difference in Rosenberg's court.) We researched the protocols of witness statements. Some other lawyer we spoke to sent us proper affidavit forms. Of course there was the same problems as before, who were these people and how hard would it be to find them?Light-bulb over head - the bouncer at the Dime. Bouncers usually stayed in the same stop. Please please still have the same job.Mr. Handsome was still guarding the Dime's door. Approaching strangers and asking them to get involved in your mess is a recipe for rejection. When we showed him what Notaro had sworn to on that night, he got angry. He told us he's a parole officer by day, so for him to miss all that was extra insulting. He wrote out that affidavit(see above.) Another light bulb moment: Baristas. Coffee shops have baristas. Please please please let there not be a high employee turnover( cause it's been nine months.)The Coffee shop was about to close. One guy remained behind the counter. I asked him if he remembered me. He didn't. I asked him if by any chance he was there on August 29th 2007- A Wednesday. An open mic. Turned out, he wasn't a barista but the manager, and as manager he hadn't missed a comedy/poetry night for the last six years. Surely, he would remember his quiet cafe transforming into a gunfight at the OK Corral.He remembered that nothing happened at any open mic. Would you write an affidavit saying that, I said. His reaction was more expected that Julius's. He didn't really want to get involved. As the kids say, "He didn't want no drama." But, he wrote it up(see above.)According to this document,the prosecution ordered the restraining order after they filed a charge, based on its alleged violation. .That says to me that they were so sure I'd cave as early as October 16th they didn't even bother to look at the order, since they didn't even have it in their possession. When I turned down their offer of informal diversion, they had at least give it a look.Next up was the pornly named Franica Tawn- another youngin.. All the public defenders were pretty young. She did a few things you'd expect, prepared an extensive discovery motion to get CCTV and anything relevant to my case. She also got the public defender's investigator to talk to the witnesses I told her about. (And that's how we found out what talent agent, Heidi Feigin, and Tobin Shea( Manager of El Cid) and a few others would say.Franica like them all, except Nicki Meehan, seemed to start out with good intentions until inexplicably it screeched to a stop. The problem with her was that even though she did the right things, she kept us in the dark about everything including the discovery motion. I only knew it even existed until after trial, and though she'd set it for hearing that hearing came and went and appears to have been canceled and yet she never saw fit to tell me any of it. I still have no answers as to why or how that hearing disappeared but I have my theories now that I know so much more.As for the investigator reports, they turned out to be amazingly great, but she wouldn't tell me what they said. I only found out when they had no choice but to give them to me.You see, Franica let few things slip from her lips, but one day she did wonder out loud why Allison Sievers of Lavely and Singer was calling the prosecutors and the court all the time(Once the case is in the criminal court a civil attorney should have nothing more to do with it.) Franica also wondered out loud how Tig got out of the city attorney's November 5th subpoena( A subpoena was when the court compels the plaintiff to testify about their accusations,.) The fact that she was called in to testify by the city attorney tells me again that not everyone in that office knew what was going on. The fact that she got out of it by merely having the Lavely and Singer write an email tells me that they were playing it by ear and calls were being made. (See documents in link above)After five months of Franica keeping me in the dark, I had no choice but to be my own lawyer. Yeah Yeah a fool for a client but I didn't stay a fool for long. When I got my hands on the discovery that Franica never told me about, I saw something else that Franica never told me about - four special circumstance/exigent circumstance search warrants. You can thank George W. Bush for these special warrants. After 9/11, they became super easy to get. Usually, they have to give you the heads up before they search your property. But, exigent means the crime is so serious, so pressing, the perp so dangerous, that it's in society's best interest that they be conducted in secret.Such warrants are mostly used on terrorists or pedophiles. In case the would be bomber has time to dismantle or detonate his bomb, or the kiddie lover deletes his pervy pictures and browser history. We also saw that Allison Sievers had sent two letters to Gregozek and the prosecution, wanting additional charges to be put on for four Facebook posts.The first paid lawyer, Howard L. Williams. Howard( a very Howard looking person,) seemed excited to take it to trial. He loved my witnesses. He thought something was very wrong with Gregozek. He thought there was something very wrong with the search warrants. He saw how suspicious the timing was - the 18-day gap between her call to police and the timing of the lawsuit. He said if he could get Notaro or Gregozek on the stand, they were toast. As for the Facebook charges, he saw no link to me. If someone else did it, it was legal. Either way a collateral attack on the order would make that all meaningless, as it was not a valid order and you can't criminally charge someone on an order obtained by fraud on the court or perjury.And as for the posts, only a toddler getting caught red-handed with a cookie would cry about it. Boo hoo I stabbed you and you bled on my shoe. Shame on you! You better buy me a new shoe! He told me what I already knew -- once you file charges you better be sure they are good charges cause if the prosecution loses and you can prove they prosecuted you without basis, hello malicious prosecution! He told me he intended to quote-unquote paper the prosecution. He promised to file a motion to traverse the warrants, a motion to attack the validity of the restraining order, a few motions to dismiss, and intriguingly something called a Piches motion.Once upon a time, there was a man called Piches, who had a smart idea. He thought to himself, "Hey if a cop is setting me up can I see if this guy has a history of being crooked. Is the pig dirty, or basically clean."One of the luxuries of having a private attorney is being able to pace nervously in the comfort of your own home during the hearings. Howard filed a motion to traverse. It was four months late but that's another story. During a court date, where it turned out there would be no hearing because the prosecutors said they weren't ready, Howard mentioned how he planned to file a Piches and to get Gregozek on the stand. The newest prosecutor, Jennifer Waxler( who had actually bought a second chair prosecutor, Felise Kalpakian, to help her. (Highly unusual for a non-violent misdemeanor.)What is even more unusual is that Waxler somehow knows without texting, calling, sleeping with(as far as I know,) that Gregozek is going to be on vacation on the day that Howard wants to get him on the stand. And, when the judge tried to set a date for when Gregozek got back from cough cough Cancun, Waxler made a brazen move. They wanted to have me remanded and put in jail till trial(according to Howard.)How could they do this? Blame Lauren D. Lauren Joy Spitzberg is my sister. She has no order against her so she could have written anything she wanted, on the internet. Apparently, this Lauren D. wrote her horrifying missive on a computer message board, in 2005. Notaro admitted herself that we did not become aware of each other till 2007.What did the horrifying missive say according to Jennifer Waxler and the print out she'd provide. It said: " I went to your show with my sister etc...." The ellipsis written by Lauren D too?Villar should have said,"Ellipses? Ellipses? Are you kidding me? I saw your show and ... what?What does this Lauren D on an AOL computer message board say after the I saw your show bit? Does it possibly say I want my money back? Does it say I saw your show in 2005 and now I'm going to kill you? In any case, is her sister married to someone whose last name begins with a D? And even if she kept her maiden name, she has no orders against her so what is your point?2 Have you traced this 2005 comment to her home IP. Something's real real weird here Waxler. Her lawyer says he wants to put the detective on the stand and you know without contacting him he's on vacation, and now suddenly you want the girl in jail. You've got some splaining to do? Hey why is Miss Kalpakian here? She has some splaining to do too.That didn't happen.Howard should have argued all that. He should have known that they couldn't have tracked that to me or even my home cause I did not know Notaro existed in 2005. He should have argued that I never went on a AOL computer uh chat room in my life and this all was senseless and insane. But, Howard wasn't even there. He'd send his partner Stanley Leiber's son in his place without telling me. And, Stanley's son was struck dumb.The judge, thank goodness, demanded more for an arrest. She forgot all about Gregozek coming in and focused on linking Lauren D to me, or my sister, or someone else? She set a date, August 8th 2009 for a hearing to link a post from Lauren D to me or my sister or someone else from 2005?????? Whaaaaaaaaaa.Remember while all this was going on, I was at home thinking that Howard was kicking so much legal ass. If he didn't the most basic work this would all be over and the civil remedies part could finally begin.I didn't know until late that night that his partner's son, according to him( though it wasn't true) had narrowly saved me from a long stint in jail. He'd tell me that if not for his partner's work I'd be jailed till trial. That didn't show up in the transcript I later ordered and the son did not save me from anything.Me and my sister both read Howard's email. If I can use my hitchhiker analogy one last tortured time - we probably looked like, two chicks sitting in the back, who just spotted rope and duct tape under the seats. It took a few whimpering minutes to realize that neither of us is Lauren D, with all that implied. We also realized that Howard didn't know almost anything about the case, possibly not even our names. It got worse, Howard admonished me to stop contacting Notaro as a way to cover up his own now undeniable incompetence( or worse?)Anyone who keeps yammering about that old saw, "Fool for a client," never had so many fools for a lawyer. Or, worse than fools?( If I knew what was going to happen I would risk getting another idiot as I'd have to in a few long months.)I had already written an appeal and a lawsuit, what's a little Piches motion. I wrote it up and planned to file it before the Lauren D hearing. As I've said before if you have a lawyer and want to be your own lawyer you have to file a substitution of attorney - In the criminal courts it's called a motion to withdraw. I told Howard to write one up.I went to file the Piches on August 12th 2009, four days after the Lauren D link hearing. By the way, that hearing was dropped without any fanfare. Of course they couldn't provide any link to me.I go on on August 12th for what is supposed to be a "scheduling conference" for my motions. When I get to court, there are not one not two, but three prosecutors. The gruesome twosome is now joined by a small beady eyed man named Martin Boags. I give the clerk my motion. On the way back, Waxler asks me what I just filed. A Piches, I say slyly. Piches, Bitches!She gave me the stink eye and scurried up to confer with Boags and Kalpakian. She is no doubt sick of me and my motions( I'd filed a few more and all were motions that had to be filed,) Good. I want her to be sick of me and my motions. I want them to stop this wicked bullshit.( They would try to stop the criminal proceedings, but not in the way I expected. OMG!)Judge Jessners send me up to a Judge Martinez's court so he can "rule" on my motions. I protest that no such motions have been set for any hearing and I'm completely not prepared but to no avail. Once again, no law is being followed here. Martinez would rule against me based on no law and without any chance for me to argue. Then I was ordered back down to see Jessner again. For what, I couldn't know.Kalpakian and Waxler got in front of their lectern. I got in front of mine. Before the judge could say anything, Waxler said, "May we approach, your honor."Your honor nods and we all started heading towards her. But, before I can make any headway, a bailiff puts his hand on my shoulder and shakes his head,"no," I whose middle name at this point juncture should be, Alisa "I want to put it on the record," Spitzberg, say, "I'd like to put it on the record that this is an exparte. For the lucky, who never had to deal with courts, an exparte is Latin for you judges don't talk in private with either side. Basically, one party can't talk to the judge without the other party being present. It's not only rude, it's illegal.A public defender sitting in court told me to "get up there, they can't do that." But a prosecutor I'd never seen before approached him and told him to, "shut up."I had to just stand there and watch their backs - Waxler stood like a stone but Kalkpakian's backfat wiggled wildly as she frantically whispered to Judge Jessner.When they decided their little ex parte was over, they returned to their lecterns. I can't go into to every detail of the hearing but I'll give you the low-lights. Kalpakian told Jessner that I'd been threatening Waxler and the TMU was involved. Then they said that since I had told them my charges didn't make sense they thought I was incompetent to stand trial, possibly a danger to myself and others and needed a psych evaluation. I told the judge that I saw a doctor in Beverly Hills and she could attest that I was perfectly competent etc.I'm not the type to announce where my shrink( who I was actually going to cause of all this) hangs her shingle. But, when you are treated like a marginalized cockroach for so long ( over a year now,) you want to make it clear that you have some white privilege left too. We're in L.A after-all.Jessner would say that it would help my case this visit to 95- they'd even explain my charges.Jessner without any cause or basis or reason gave these ruthless win at all cost cretins what they wanted.It sounds like Jessner is sending me off to a judicial spa- someplace they'll assist me on my case, and give me a massage while they are at it. Sounds pretty good. But just to show I still have some agency over my fate, I said, " I happen to be busy that day, I'll need another date. She gave me another date.Back home, I googled competency. It seemed that Jessner was really sugarcoating something much more sinister. The prosecutors never ask for mental evaluations. It's something the defense does when they think it's a much better outcome than jail. Secondly, to be declared incompetent you have to be a cliche of crazy.Joe Wayne Shmo has killed his stepmother. He has chopped off her head, and taken it to school in a knapsack. The prosecution wants capital murder. The defense knows that Joe Wayne Shmo is guilty- cause he streamed the murder on Facebook Live. Either Joe Wayne Shmo is feigning insanity AKA malingering, or he is really nuts and according to our system, you can't punish him for being genuinely batshit.In short, you will never see a prosecutor, who is up to any good, say, "Sure Dahmer ate a bunch of people, but he's clearly off. We'd like to postpone the trial so he has a chance to get himself together. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.Now, for the judge to declare it on their own, you have to be the kind of crazy you simply can't disguise: Drooling, twitching, stammering, screaming to Jesus or for the devil. They have to be in such a forsaken state that the judge themselves has to pull the alarm.I never stood before Jessner before. What could she have seen in a few minutes, that no other judge, lawyer, prosecutor had seen in eleven months? Now, the good news, I thought, they'd finally overplayed their hands. The judge in 95 specializes in these matters. At the worst, they'll send me back. At best, they'll have the chance to look closer, and start asking questions. She or he will see what they're up to and pull the plug.Department 95 was a squat stucco building on the border of Glendale and the San Fernando Valley. The drill was a little different than a regular court. Put your keys, phone and purse on the little treadmill. After they pass inspection, pick it all up, and walk into the one and only dreary doctor office like waiting room. The judge I stood before was confused. Did the judge say where is your lawyer, as the law requires, cause you're so crazy you certainly can't represent yourself. Did the Judge tell us that Jessner's got some splaining to do. Well he didn't do the latter but he did do the former! Finally, a judge who follows the law. How quaint.A few days later I had to shlep back to Division 40. Jessner and/or Villar weren't there. Instead, Karla Kerlin, former showgirl, former corrupt prosecutor, and now judge presided(Although I did not know all that about Karla Kerlin back then).Waxler and Kalpakian had evaporated. Now it's just the beady eyed guy who was there for the August 12th whatever you want to callHe's the prosecutor now.In an 'oh never mind that move,' Kerlin tells me(At an unrecorded sidebar no less,) and Boags that the competency thing is over on order from Jessner's Courtroom. Luckily, Kerlin would also make that clear in open court. Kerlin asked anxiously, "is there the possibility of a plea." I told there wasn't. She told me the trial would last at most, a day, before setting it tentatively for trial.There was a hitch, Boags was going on vacation. City workers sure get a lot of down time. Kerlin advised me that it was best I gave him some time to get up to speed, "Cause Marty is a good guy."Later, I found out if indeed it was a vacation, it was a working vacation, cause Marty was requesting documents related to my case.He would be the first and only prosecutor in the last year and two months who would look at any of the evidence. What will he find? He will find out that the allegations that the police were called on August 12th 2008, was a lie. There would be no record of a 911 call or any police participation.He will find that the arrest that is mentioned on the minutes, at the Improv, never took place. He will find out that Gregozek's incident number was a fake. He will I assume find out many more exculpatory things. I send him tons of stuff too but though he requested it and gave me his email adress he never mentioned it. But what I sent him( the investigator reports, all the contradictions in Notaro's statements and more) would have more than convinced any intelligent human, acting in good faith, that this case had to be dropped and I had to be vindicated and compensated for my pain and SUFFERING.What will he do with all these discoveries? Will he do what he must do - dismiss the charges, call his vacationing compatriot and say are you completely insane Gregozek, what are you up. How have you wasted all this time, money, and why? You've got some splaining to do, young man.That didn't happen at all. Instead Boags would write a motion to reinstate the competency nightmare and send it the night before he'd managed to set it for a hearing,)It wasn't really that shocking that he would go there. A quick google search would reveal Marty's unsavory past. Some good guy, Kerlin.Once upon a time, little Martin went to Beverly Hills High. There he wracked up a lot of unpaid parking tickets, and so did his rich buddies. Luckily for him, and them, Martin Boag's father was judge Charles Boags. And, Judge Boags made everything right. Unbelievably, to me, the judge was caught, prosecuted and unbenched - in spite of the efforts of Johnnie Cochran. Yes, that Johnny Cochran. Little Martin would have to face his father's disgrace by his own son's hand, but he would still be free to go to law school and end up as my prosecutor.Later when it got to the civil remedy part, I would have a sit down with Christopher Darden. Yes that Christopher Darnen. It's a small world, six degrees of separation, and all that jazz. But, back to the present.In this instance, all rules of the court were completely discarded as Marty would file the motion a day before the court set him a hearing. Even layman probably understand how against the rules that is.The next day in court what does Kerlin do? Does she say, " For Christ's sake counseler we resolved that disaster last time. What would make you think that she's gone crazy again? And, you know very well that it's against every rule to file a motion the night before the hearing. Marty, I told the lady you are a good guy and you are not acting like a good guy, you got some splaining to do.Do I really have to tell you that that didn't happen?Instead, Kerlin ordered me upstairs, to the courtroom of Robert Vanderet, so he could hear the baseless and untimely motion. Why couldn't Kerlin rule on the motion herself? It had to be that the only reason to send me up to an empty courtroom was so that the public defenders milling around in her court, didn't get another show.My first impulse was to do as I'm told. But in the elevator, I had a holy shit nothing is making sense moment, and I pressed the button to go back down. I forgot to tell you about Robin Ginsburg. Robin Ginsburg is the supervisor of the PD's. She approached me sometime after August 12th, to tell me she saw Jessner's ex parte, and she told me she was not only willing to supply an affidavit but she'd try to score me affidavits from all present. So I went back down to ask her to help me.She told me she'd get a high level public defender, Alissa Malzman, to accompany me.In Vanderet's court, Alissa put up a bit of a fight. She cited a law that stated that if a defense attorney claims that his client is competent then this can't happen or at least must be considered before any evaluation could take place. Alissa then stated that she'd seen me many times in court, and she found me competent.Who knew anyone was actually watching me?Sorry about another splaining but it's really the best way to explain.Did Vanderet say, "Ms. Malzman is absolutely correct. It's a defense attorney who calls the shots on whether she's fit for trial, they have to work with her after all. So unless I see Spitzberg under the table biting her fists, you've got some splaining to do, Charles Boag's prodigal son."That so didn't happen.Later we'd find this post it attached to the motion:which went a long way in explaining why Vanderet was saying how his hands were tied. That is what Vanderet would say when it came to his ordering me to 95, " My hands are tied."So based on no law, but on Kerlin's order, he ordered me back to Division 95 on October 14th 2009. I pretended again that I have more pressing matters to attend to on that date. This time it doesn't work. Vanderet made it clear it has to be that exact date, that exact time and he even spoke of an exact judge, though there was a few judges in that court. Or as he puts it, "That's Maria Stratton's bellyache."Alissa says she'll be there to accompany me, but later she told me outside that she won't be there since they have public defenders in that court. I asked her to please do anything to give the heads up to whatever public defenders that were in that court. She promised me she would and it turned out she did.MemoBefore I left, I ran into Robin Ginsburg, who told me to call her that night. Of course I did. On the phone, Robin was very friendly. Very concerned. She told me that the prosecution was dicking me around, and her theory was that they were trying to get around speedy trial rights, but if anything seemed fishy in that court, just leave and call her.Remember, at this point I don't know anything about secret post it notes with nefarious instructions or anything about the laws governing competency to stand trial. All I can guess is that a real doctor and a judge, specifically trained to spot craziness is going to talk to me. The only thing that is delusional about me, at this point, is that I keep believing that there are real doctors and real judges.I enter the court's waiting room again. A heavy set African American woman is imploring her keeper(A guard) if she can get a soda from the vending machine. He tells her he'll take her to the water fountain. " I don't want water. I want a Coke." He refuses and not because he's worried about her calorie intake, cause he won't get her a diet Coke either. My mother can't stand it anymore, "Get her a soda," she tells the guard, "I'll pay for it." We are all getting worked up. When I get home I plan to write a blog post about the plight of this thirsty woman. The guard explains that it's not the money it's that, "Caffeine riles these people up." Well, she's not asking for a Red Bull, but I guess he knows something that we don't.So, it's back to feeling ineffectually sad for her in silence. A woman(hard sixty, polyester green pantsuit) walked towards us. She doesn't want change for refreshments, she's here to introduce herself as Bernadette Everman - my lawyer for today's' shenanigans. I asked her if she got Alissa's memo and she seemed to have no idea what I was talking about. She tells me she just got the case a few minutes ago.All she knows is that I'm supposed to talk to a Dr. Velarde and after that, a judge will see me. She directs me to a back room. I ask her, "Don't you have to come with me?" "No," she says, "Not necessary. Just go talk to the doctor. You'll be fine."Dr. Velarde's office was a cheap desk and chair. I'd later learn that at that time, Velarde was not certified to conduct competency evaluations. He was a jail doctor when he was expected to "evaluate," me. The exam resembled a pop quiz of the judicial system for dummies.Him: " What is a judge."Me: He is a former lawyer who is elected to make ruling on cases.Him: What does the judge do?Me: He makes rulingsHim: What does the prosecutor do?Me: He brings charges if someone commits a crime. He has to prove his case without a reasonable doubt.And so forth and so on. If I may so myself, I was scoring an A+ .Then he asked me one more question, "Do you understand your charges."Me: That's the problem. No, I don't. Two of them don't make sense. They are saying I posted something to Facebook, but they have no evidence that it was me or anyone from what I can tell.At trial, Judge Moore, would take it upon himself to acquit those two charges mid trial. In essence saying, they make no sense. So there!Velarde closed his little notepad and said, "I'm concerned. This has been going on for too long. Let me just talk to the judge."He sent me out to wait an disappeared behind the court's heavy doors.Bernadette Everman came out after about fifteen minutes. We smiled at her. She was supposedly on our side, so why not smile? Something about my dumb innocent face must have annoyed her because the next thing she did was vomit out what would turn out to be my saving grace - " The doctor declared you incompetent.""You mean competent?"" No. Incompetent." Did you say in before competent.""Yes I did. The opposite of competent,"I remembered my research and my motion - I get to have two doctors for my side.She said, "let me just check in with the judge. You stay there."Everman got the door open with a grunt, and was gone. We sat there for a few moments. Then my sister said, "Let's get out of here right now." It took me a second to remember Robin Ginsburg's words of warning. A whole bottle of perfume poured over a year old flounder, left out in the desert, could not mask the smell of such rancid seafood. Things were indeed fishy.With the soundtrack of midnight express playing in my mind, the three of us began walking as calmly as possible towards the exit. It took real restraint to not break out into a trot. The two guards at the exit smiled sweetly and said, "Have a great day, ladies." I will always love those two guards.When I got home I called Ginsburg. She nearly screeched... WHAT?? But then she seemed the think for a moment and she said, "I was kidding about leaving. You have to go back." Dun de Dun Dun Dun. Wow.Then I called Alissa Malzman. She screeched even worse, but told me if Robin said so, I had to go back.Two days later an urgent message from Everman - a letter- came in the mail, telling me to come back, offering me candies in the shape of two more doctors. The child catcher of 95 was wasting her fucking time. I planned to stay under the bed forever.Had I really started to lose it? Could it be that Everman did plan to secure two doctors. Could it be Robin Ginsburg was just a big old jokester? Had my family been infected with my madness? Could we be experiencing the three person version of folie a deux?It turns out that none of us were nuts. Later I would learn that Stratton had it all set up beforehand. The minute I would have walked into that courtroom,( and I would have if Everman had kept her mouth shut, and if Ginsburg hadn't told me to leave...) a few baillifs would have been at the ready, to shackle and cuff me. Then they would hustle me into a prison van or some mental hospital van, and driven me to Patton State Hospital in San Bernadino, California. I'd be stuck with a needle full of Thorazine, until I was forty pounds fatter, fifty IQ points lower, and a million times sadder.This can't really happen in America. If it did, everyone would know about it. C'mon really now.Also please note that 18 men and women came to the raid where they arrested me on a "bench warrant." A warrant issued because I left the court to avoid being further destroyed by what was a terrifying fraud.Note how Gregozek only says that he, a detective Jaime, and a photographer came. The tape I linked above is all the proof you need to know that Gregozek once again is lying.What Judge Maria Stratton had prepared on October 14 2009but I had to wait till much after December 1st 2009 to see what she'd prepared exactly. I'd only be allowed to see this file, months after the trial was over.When you write out a tale like this, you realize how helpful and true cliches are. In the following days everything seemed eerily silent. The eerie silence was only interrupted by calls to lawyers. One lawyer downright told me he wouldn't make waves with judges. One told me this is way too complicated for his skill set. I can't remember what the third and fourth and fifth said. But, basically all the lawyers thought I sounded awfully competent to stand trial and all told me not to worry about them coming to th