I don’t watch Love Island.

Not because I’m too good for it, or busy watching obscure Russian documentaries without the subtitles because I like the poetry of the language, but because I prefer to spend my weeknights drinking instead of watching telly.

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I do, however, know what it is, which is why I’m a little surprised that a show which basically rounds up a load of people and waits for them to bonk, as if they’re giant pandas in a breeding program, has provoked a discussion about feminism.

Or, in my case, a discussion about how it’s possible for men to still be so ignorant about feminism and what it means.


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‘The majority of feminists, I mean real feminists, believe in almost like a slope towards them, not men’ says Jonny, a cast member. ‘Haven’t we already achieved equality?’ he asks.



No Jonny.

It might feel like we have to you, because as an attractive(ish), straight, able-bodied white man you are literally at the bottom of the list of anyone who would ever experience any kind of inequality. But I’ve got news for men like Jonny. Just because you don’t personally experience something, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.

There’s a sort of Inception-style issue here.

Men are choosing to disbelieve women when they say that they face discrimination, stating that it’s not true. While totally disbelieving what women are saying. Which proves a sense of mistrust or disregard for women. Which is partially what we were complaining about in the first place.

I cannot believe that I have to say this, but I’m afraid to say I think there are probably other men like Jonny, who aren’t inherently bad people but are unable to believe that discrimination occurs because it doesn’t happen to them.

So, a refresher course. Feminism 101.

Feminism is about equality. It’s the ideology that men and women are equally valuable and deserve equal opportunities and treatment.

As men, we as feminists understand that it can feel like you’re being attacked, and no-one likes to feel that way. S

So, as a self-elected representative, I’d like to reassure you that we are not trying to take anything away from you. We do not wish to enslave you and make you our breeding ponies.

All we want is a fair crack of the whip, a chance to walk into a job interview wearing a wedding ring without the words ‘maternity leave’ hanging in the air. The ability to be valued for our talents rather than our faces and bodies.

We’d like you to understand that it can be frightening, knowing that every second person on the street is physically stronger than you.

With me so far? If you found anything objectionable there then you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and work out what happened to you to make you hate women.

Feminism is also about addressing the inequalities that women face, both around the world and where you personally live.



Yes, women do still face inequality. There is no question here, no room for debate. But if you are still clutching at straws and trying to tell yourself that women in the UK are trying to eradicate men, or destroy masculinity, here’s the reality of being a woman in the UK today. Here is why we need feminism:

(Picture: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)

Women, especially women of colour, consistently earn less and occupy lower status jobs than their male counterparts, especially their white male counterparts.

There are women in the U.K who cannot access reproductive health care.

It’s considered acceptable to shout sexual comments at a women as she’s walking or running down the street.

How many people a woman has slept with or her sexual conduct can still be brought up during a rape trial.

Employers are allowed to insist that women wear high heels and make-up, as if that makes them more ‘professional’.

Girls all over the world are subjected to unsterile, agonising genital mutilation, including in the UK.

Girls all over the world are prevented from attending school, let alone university, also including in the UK.

Feminism is also about men. Because women are seen as mothers and men are seen as providers, men often lose out in custody hearings and are shoehorned into jobs that they don’t enjoy.

Feminism works to change this perception, to allow be women to be seen as breadwinners so that the responsibility for earning money is shared, as is the responsibility for raising children.


Gender roles which cast women as emotional and hysterical and men as not having any feelings are also something which feminism is aiming to alleviate.

By fighting the perception that women cry at the drop of a hat and men are never allowed to have feelings, women are granted more respect and men are given the space they need to have feelings and be open about their mental health.

So why is it that men, who have as much access to information about what feminism is as they could possibly need, are opting for ignorance? Because make no mistake, choosing to believe that feminism is about being ‘better’ than men or ‘taking’ things from men is willfully ignorant.

As it stands, I can only assume that the issue is that the current system benefits men, and the idea of letting go of that benefit is frightening.

If you deliberately misunderstand feminism, conflating it with man-hating and a quest for supremacy, it is easier to ignore it, to ignore the fact that there is privilege that comes with being a man and therefore exempt yourself from having to take any responsibility for it.

As someone far wiser than me once said, ‘when you’re accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like oppression’.

What should men be doing? If you’d like to be a feminist ally, or male feminist, that’s amazing. Feminism isn’t just a movement for women, but it’s important to let women lead, and listen to them. Your support will be appreciated a lot more if you don’t try and tell women what they should be doing to achieve equality (that’s mansplaining). You could also try joining your local feminist group, supporting the Women’s Equality Party or doing some reading. Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay, How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran and the I Call Myself a Feminist collected essays are a great place to start.

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