DO NOT LET HER FINISHcase_of_the_mondays.png, case_of_the_mondays (1).png, case_of_the_mondays (2).png, case_of_the_mondays (3).pngAnd why do I own a crib?You are sick. You are broken. We will fix you.At this point, further testing was discontinued on account of Researcher Xiao-jin's computer inexplicably filling with bees.HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU REWRITING MY STORY INTO YOUR OWN FUCKING STUPID HUMPHREY BOGART FANFIC NONSENSEBefore being amnesticized, witnesses confirmed that instances of SCP-3057-4 did, in fact, have feathers.we are unstoppable nigh-immortal digitized death-gods who have spent 10+ years practice-killing each other in endlessly looped murder-orgiesThat was a pretty crazy summer, y'know? Sometimes I really miss that place.No method for accomplishing this trick is provided.High art carries high risk!Whatever it takes, do what you must; whatever the cost, come back to us.Thank you for choosing Izatova Parking Center. Have a pleasant day.Mr. Blair, have you always been an only child?Throw them back into the incinerator where you found them.When it comes right down to it, me — them — hell, even you — we're all just characters in that trashy dime-store novel called life.Remember how we explained that successful people don't actually need any of their toes to walk? Well, that's going to come in handy for Secret Number Six.I'm not talking to you.Hey, guys? I'm, uh. I'm using this.Should it prove feasible, all non-canonical corpses are to be extracted, examined, and catalogued.Have you ever seen a Scranton Reality Anchor go critical? I have. Words like "Biblical" come to mind.Notably, no reports describe any attempt to examine the residence's storm cellar.SCP-4028 is Alonso Quixano, the protagonist of Miguel de Cervantes' 17th century Spanish novel, El Ingenioso Hidalgo Don Quijote de la Mancha (The Ingenious Nobleman Sir Quixote of La Mancha, or Don Quixote).Specifically, fan-art of Sonic the Hedgehog, a video-game character produced by Sega in 1991.Despite multiple reports from neighbors who claimed to have witnessed members of his family standing at the windows, no trace of Theodore Holdstock's wife and children could be found.SCP-4054 is The Seventh Door, an unlicensed platform adventure game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1988.An investigation into these homicides has determined that, despite all evidence to the contrary, no actual murder weapon exists.You just gotta be willing to pull some teeth.Don't do this again. — Site-Director AugustOh come now, Agent Penn. Have some respect for the classics.see you there. ~:)Investigations into McDonald's involvement in the para-tech weapon industry are ongoing."Son, you ever try to out-run a one-legged man in his own backyard?"

I'm rather proud of my use of images in this piece (particularly the image of the island moving closer and closer with each successive iteration), as well as using movement deeper into the past to establish a "backwards" narrative (where the farther back we go, the more our story emerges).

Authorial intent, while relevant, isn't the most relevant thing; that being said, I go into deeper detail regarding what I imagine is going on here in a forum post located here . Read if you want to have it thoroughly spoiled.

And then HBO's Chernobyl miniseries came out. Fascinated by the combination of horror with reality, I decided to give it another shot — this time with the notion of the site having been the source of some horrific event that the Foundation kept covering up (only to rediscover it again, and try to bury it even deeper).

Ages ago, I was doing searches on the wiki for references to sites, and noticed no one had (apparently) ever used "Site-5". This drove me to write an article giving an in-universe explanation to why. For various reasons, I ended up being unsatisfied with it; after deleting it, I sat on the idea for a long while.

Also, yes: The head in that photo is intended to be Agent Penn's.

I did a bit of light research for this SCP. Each interview is based off of an interview I saw one of the actors do (Bela's, Boris's, and Vincent's). The picture used at the top of the SCP is a photo-still from Tales of Terror; I colorized it myself.

I wrote this SCP as a sideways tribute to both Mr. Price and the sort of horror he preferred — stylish, campy, and full of comedic charm, deeply rooted in the works of Shakespeare and Poe. It's the sort of horror that makes you laugh in one instant, and then recoil in revulsion and fear in the very next.

I have a deep, abundant fondness for Vincent Price as well as old horror movies. I still have vivid memories of watching Tales of Terror as a little kid (I was raised by old people; a lot of my childhood was spent watching really old films).

The decision to have the page have two variants was actually a last-minute addition that came out of no where. And when I say 'last minute', I mean last minute — I had already posted the SCP when the idea struck me of the page having a 50-50 chance of being a coin that always comes up tails. So, I rushed to create a secondary version of the page, then uploaded it and made the change.

I wrote this one after talking to kinchtheknifeblade and Weryllium about the difficulty in making an anomaly that's effectively just "a coin that always turns up heads" interesting. Once that premise locked into my head, I found myself fascinated by some of the directions you could take it.

I really love Kai Sanchez (and his show, "Positively Rich"), by the way — he's a parody of Tai Lopez, another exceedingly smug con artist and 'motivational speaker' who preys on desperate people in need of emotional and/or financial stability. I used him in SCP-3089 , and I'll probably use him elsewhere.

Then I added horrible consequences (the tumors) to establish that the teeth weren't the only thing regenerating, and added a final note that demonstrates that Lucien Marchand (the one responsible for this whole scam) never even engaged in it himself.

As soon as I saw this video, I wanted to use it as the basis for something. A lot of times, that's how I express frustration — with writing. So, I turned it into this fucking abhorrent log (from which some phrases are just lifted out of the video verbatim). I made it about someone who's trying to convince you to tear out and eat not just your teeth, but your children's teeth.

I have a deep, visceral hatred for Mid-Level Marketing scams. I have a similar visceral hatred for the entitlement of the ultra-rich. All of this came to a head when I saw this video, by an MLM scam-artist turned 'motivational speaker' who goes on a poorly edited 10 minute rant regarding why it's the 'poor who are actually greedy' (his literal words).

I later realized how great it would be to imagine that this is the same knife featured in KNIFE (by DolphinSlugchugger ).

Here's the trick to it: The six knives aren't anomalous. They weren't used in the murders. The seventh knife (which was never finished, and doesn't exist) is the murder weapon. But you can't describe something that doesn't exist, so the Foundation just described everything around it. Hence the title, Absence of a Knife.

It didn't work for people, mostly because there wasn't much else to it. So, I thought about it for a while. I still wanted an anomaly that isn't really definably 'anomalous', which is when I happened upon an idea: What if the anomaly was what we weren't describing? That's when I realized the knife was part of a set, and its absence/non-existence was what made it anomalous.

This one's based on an idea I've had for a long time regarding a knife that's been used in literally hundreds of murders. The initial idea was that this was its only 'anomaly'; I liked this, because it played to the very definition of anomalies (is something that just keeps getting used to murder people with no measurable anomalous properties actually anomalous?).

(Part of the trick, in case you're wondering: The Foundation is telling you one story, but the screenshots of the game are telling you another)

I did a lot of research regarding the functionality of NES cartridges. All the stuff about bypassing the NES lock is real. I also spent a lot of time getting the screenshots to look 'just' right. I regret how it kind of ends on a predictable note (the game 'eating' someone), but I still like just how restrained this skip is otherwise. I do kind of wish I had tried another approach with the ending — but alas.

I fucking love videogame creepypastas. I especially love Killswitch , which was the inspiration for this skip. Most videogame creepypastas (like sonic.EXE) go over the top with their scares; they fail to grasp that what makes something scary is the sense that it's not trying to be scary. This is what makes Killswitch so great to me — it feels like something that could exist. I wanted to recreate that — something that feels like it could really be out there.

My first game console was an old INTELEVISION that I inherited from my dad. After that, I got a Nintendo — landing myself upon one side of an ancient console war I didn't even know existed (the opening synthesized chorus of 'SEGA' still fills me with rage and dread). I never looked back.

I'm unreasonably proud of this skip. I love how the altered paintings came out, I love how it's paced, and I love how restrained and mysterious it is. My only regret is that it ends with a bit of 'gore' — but there was no way to achieve the effect of "You've Been Looking At Corpses This Whole Time" without, well… pointing out that the reader's been looking at corpses this whole time.

I wanted something that was similarly subdued — so I ended up taking inspiration from a short story by Stephen King ( The Reaper's Image ) and the Hinterkaifeck murders . Part of the theme here is a mystery that can never be solved.

minmin and I were swapping weird creepy art, and — I forget which one of us stumbled upon him, but we came across Vilhelm Hammersh . His work is delightfully subdued and has a sort of washed out feel that carries this sense of melancholic dread. As soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted to write a skip based around it.

Everything about this work is deeply cynical, but sometimes it's helpful to expel that cynicism on the page. That being said, I do feel bad about turning this poor sweet old woman into the butt of a horrible, cruel joke.

SCHULTZ: Yes. I finished it just last year. I was very proud of it. One of my largest pieces. I call it Barnyard Hijinks.

This skip contains what might be, out of all the dialogue I've written, one of my favorite comedic beats:

This article came from the frustration that emerges from discovering that everything has already been done, coupled with my amusement at the idea that even someone's suicide can be described as 'derivative'. Also? I find the Sonichu reference hilarious.

This article is my windmill, and I'm tilting the shit out of it.

So, this is what I've got: This is Don Quixote meets Pataphysics. This is me cranking all my cylinders up to 11 and hoping I got one of my favorite characters in all of fiction right.

The point here is that the idea of writing a story about Don Quixote was, is, and will continue to be an absurdly intimidating task. It's not something I take lightly, and the fact that I knew from the get-go that it had to involve the much-loathed realm of Pataphysics (because what is Don Quixote, if, after reading it, you have no questions regarding the identity of its author? What is Don Quixote if it does not deal directly with its inherently fictitious nature?) only intensified my anxiety and my woe.

For me, he is by far and wide the most important character in fiction; his mad and pointless quest to live a life of chivalrous virtue in a world where "evil brings profit and virtue none at all" speaks to me in ways I cannot even begin to express (as does his endless string of failures to accomplish even the most trivial of virtuous tasks). The fact that Cervantes' original story ends with him dying — dejected, feverish, alone and broken — is, to me, one of the most painful truths fiction has ever had the courage to deliver on my doorstep.

So, this probably sounds a teensy bit melodramatic, but I'm not exaggerating when I say that Don Quixote is my hero.

Anyway, I'm mostly happy with it. If you want to know the actual story of what's going on, I explain it in a forum post here — though I'll mention that I think being told what the story is by the author kind of kills the mood of the piece.

This was mostly inspired by Search and Rescue Woods (a semi-famous creepy-pasta), and psul 's skip, Unearth . I wanted to try and evoke a series I story about a spooky place with a spooky backstory; I also wanted to experiment with negative space. There's a story here, but the story is somewhat hidden; you have to look hard (perhaps too hard!) to find it. The goal was to create a compelling narrative by failing to give you all the pieces — just a few tentative clues meant to inspire the imagination and get you creating a story of your own. Depending on who you ask, this piece succeeds or fails.

Also, O5-5 was by far my favorite character to write in this piece. She's basically everybody's sweet old grandmom, except instead of baking you cookies she'll murder your enemies and hide the bodies.

The 'joke' at the end is that 106 is, according to psul 's excellent Until Death , Scranton. Which means O5-5 is just really introducing DeVorn to the guy who invented this technology. I bet he's super-eager to hear about Daniel DeVorn's improvements.

I chose the Scranton Reality Anchor because it gave me a lot of narrative room to play with (since a faulty SRA can basically do anything I want it to). Anyway, I'm really, really proud of this piece for a number of reasons — it's way different than most of my stuff (which focuses on the delivery of a very tight narrative — this one pretty much just meanders to the end), it involves some of my favorite themes (old school Foundation vs new school), and it engages in some significant lore-building (something my articles almost never do). It also adds two new terms to the Foundation lexicon: 'paraphysicist' and 'morphogenic field' (which is just a fancy way of saying 'reality warping').

I wanted to write SCP-1730 , except "on a boat". My idea was that a ship carrying low-risk anomalies (think things in the Log of Anomalous Items ) experienced some sort of catastrophe, and all the low-risk anomalies turned into one really big high-risk one. I started doing research on ship crashes and naval disasters, then started reading up again about the Deepwater Horizon oil spill and all the finger-pointing BP, Halliburton, and Transocean engaged in. That's when it occurred to me: I had never seen a skip that was all about the Foundation getting fucked over on account of their contractors producing shitty equipment.

This piece also contains one of my personal favorite hooks: Foundation personnel embedded in literary and academic circles are to be briefed on SCP-3138; they are to report any fictional work discovered to deviate from its canonical number of human corpses.

Most of the work that followed was figuring out the details. If you store a body in Hamlet, is it in every copy? What about translations of Hamlet — will it show up there too? Can I store the bodies in any work? Can I write fanfiction just to store bodies in? Etc. Once I got all that sorted, I decided to dump the Meta-Mafia idea (which would have made the article more comedic) and use the excellent Chicago Spirit instead (which made it spookier and tragic).

I had this idea for a Meta-Mafia — organized fictional crime. I was thinking about the disposal of fictional evidence when it occurred to me how handy it would be if you could dispose of real evidence this way.

The premise is partly inspired by Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai , which is a game in Japan where you summon a spirit by telling unrelated spooky stories.

Formerly called 'Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai', I changed the name once I realized that the reference was possibly too esoteric (at least for Western audiences), and possibly likely to turn people away. This skip was the result of me discovering some beautiful images of Portugal's Initiation Wells , and creating a bunch of neat-looking photos via GIMP. I wanted to build a skip around these photos, but I couldn't figure out a good idea; it was then that I came up with the premise that maybe that's the problem. They're not images of a monster; they're images looking for a monster.

On a final note, I'm just gonna come right out and say it: This skip is also based on the fact that Donald Trump is the fucking President. To me, he and shit-fuckers like Osteen and Strauss all share the same fundamental 'genetic code'.

This skip is based on a deep, primal fear of mine: That people like this are right. That the shape of the universe is one in which people like Osteen are natural successes; rather than the meek, they will inherit the earth. They are the Chosen, and we are here only to provide for their needs before we die. Also, it's based on my mortal terror of cicadas, which kinchtheknifeblade 's skips have only served to solidify.

A conversation with Weryllium (and a few others who I can't recall) in IRC generated the idea of writing a skip based around prosperity theology . I wasn't sure where to go with it — up until I started watching sermons given by Joel Osteen and was immediately reminded of the same sort of smug self-involvement and 'win-by-any-means' nonsense from PUAs like Neil Strauss . I then imagined 'Prosperity Gospel + Imago + Cousin Johnny ' spreading to the next 'generation' — and the rest was easy.

Now that I've done this, I also feel like I can relax for the next story. By establishing Murphy Law as a credible metafictional entity, I can lay back and concentrate on just making him fun to read.

I'm not gonna lie: Writing another Murphy Law story after the first one was intimidating, mostly because I knew it had to be meta as fuck — but not so meta that it made it any harder to read. I'm really happy with the result; I feel like it's got at least three or four levels to it, while simultaneously still just being a fun read on the surface level.

People have pointed out (quite rightly) that it's derivative of the excellent SCP-1730 ; it's also derivative of SCP-3000 and SCP-3667 . All that being said, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

I wanted to write something about incinerators, since I actually know a little bit about furnaces and fuel-gas; I also wanted to write something that demonstrated how taking D-Class from criminal populations wasn't 'less bad'. Finally, I wanted something that created a possible 'Entirely Foundation-made' source for amnestics (and I particularly like the notion of 'boiling away' the happiness from a corpse's soul).

Credit to pastarasta1 for pointing out the link here to my own SCP-437 , which — for some reason — not even I noticed.

Not much to say about this one except: It was inspired by Candle Cove, that one excellent Reagan video skip, and the theme of a child giving up who they are to save someone they love. Also, warning in advance: Includes several highly creepy pictures.

The end result isn't quite malevolent. This isn't a story about something that hates you. This is a story about something that just doesn't give a fuck about you — and what you'll do to yourself to satisfy it.

This skip was inspired by an actual multi-level parking garage. While trying to find a space, we found 3 separate floors with every single spot marked as reserved (almost all of which were unoccupied). We kept wondering if the entire parking lot was just unoccupied and reserved — which prompted me to comment on how that seemed a little 'Kafka-esque'. This prompted someone else to point out how a Kafka-esque parking lot was itself rather Kafka-esque (in the sense of how it invested something so trivial and banal with so much malevolence).

If I ever get around to it, I'd like to rewrite this scip to be more scientifically formal. There's a few things that don't make it 'right'; for example, the process of natural selection requires a pressure (survival of the genes). There's also the possibility of an alternative explanation (involving a suggestion/explanation from A Random Day ) that I'd like to possibly explore.

This, and the fact that I find the idea of natural selection/evolution to be terrifying. So the idea of applying that process to a person trying to dig her way out of her own grave seemed like a pretty scary and pretty great fit.

So, I've wanted to write a SCP about a cemetery that grows anomalously for a while now; this premise went through a lot of iterations before finally popping out in its final form. Previously, it was a graveyard that ate people, but the mechanism seemed hokey (and it didn't feel very spooky to me); then, it became a graveyard for imaginary friends (an idea I still like). While writing some of the autopsy reports, I noticed I was 'escalating' each occurrence (making the imaginary friends scarier and scarier) — and that's where I got the idea of a graveyard with iterative corpses all trying to escape.

This article exposes my obsession with minmin 's anafabula ; the idea of a narrative that destroys the narrative containing it. I linked that idea to this article, expanding the concept to imply that either AWCY stumbled into something much more sinister, or the Chaos Insurgency is pulling a fast one on the Foundation (hence the tag).

This came out of a conversation with Flawed regarding an idea with a Jenga tower that would cause conceptual collapses. It lead to an idea about a Jenga tower which caused actual collapses (in whatever structure it was contained within), which — eventually — led me to the idea of it also being able to cause financial collapses.

Then, from there, I realized it would be way more compelling if it was about a magician just trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter. Everything else flowed from there.

I wrote this in about three hours. I was thinking about The Prestige , and how 'real' magic can be pretty horrifying. It suddenly occurred to me that I had yet to see an SCP about stage magic. Initially, this was supposed to be a horror story about 'real magic' presented as stage magic, akin to the final twist in the Prestige — with a centerpiece involving a high-school talent show where the boy's trick to saw his sister in half goes horribly wrong. But part way through writing the first few entries, I was struck by the image of a magician desperately trying to resurrect his dead daughter.

AdminBright gave me the chance to place something in one of their slots (replacing an old article about an axe); I'm very thankful for that opportunity (since it means I get to have a series 1 article despite being a relatively new author!). This idea was inspired by this song, SCP-1833 , my anxieties as a teenager — and all the creepy camp-ground stories you might tell your friends around a fire.

This piece took a while to catch on, and it didn't start getting upvotes until I linked it to Cragglewood Park (see below). I'm often surprised by what works and what doesn't — to me, this is just a fun little horror story in the style of series 1.

MTF Omega-9 ("The Scrubs") were previously called "Griefer Madness" (thanks to Shaggydredlocks ), which is a name I still love — but it was pointed out that "Griefer" was a modern term. I also really like the simplicity behind 'the Scrubs'.

This is another one inspired by a Mage: The Ascension campaign (specifically, Virtual Adepts ). I'm very happy with this piece — it's not a novel idea (kids trapped in a video game don't realize THE GAME IS REAL ), but I still think it manages to succeed via using a cliche to tell a novel and (hopefully) interesting story. Some have told me the story is a bit too silly and uplifting, but I can't always do dark. I start feeling fetishistic and gross if I don't let my characters sometimes achieve at least a little victory.

I still like the fact that I was actually able to find a case where the Manna Charitable Foundation might actually be pretty reasonable (in not wanting anything to do with this guy). Also, this article contains my favorite self-authored footnote: Before being amnesticized, witnesses provided confirmation that instances of SCP-3057-4 did, in fact, have feathers. Because you know the Foundation would take note of that.

I really love a lot of the ideas in this one, but I think it needs a serious rewrite. The interview is kind of clunky and I feel like the incidents could have focused on more interesting prehistoric organisms.

Oh, yeah, and Decibelles deserves the credit for the final [REDACTED] attachment (though I deserve all the blame for the Chinatown joke and the Fred reference).

Sidenote: My initial draft was much less compelling, and relied on the pure novelty of the idea (a hard-boiled detective showing up to save the day and rewriting the article into a noir screenplay) — but both Shaggydredlocks and Communism will win pushed at me to rewrite it into an actual mystery rather than just a 'Murphy Law' fanfic. The end result is far better than its previous iteration. So, learning lesson for me: Don't be lazy. Novelty is neat, but using novelty to tell a compelling story is better.

This one was inspired by a Mage: The Ascension campaign where a Marauder (think reality warper but lost in a delusion) was convinced he was in a 30s noir movie. The idea started as an unfinished noir movie script that was rewriting reality — with the Foundation having to play along as characters in the script to contain it (and help it find an appropriate ending). Then it occurred to me that it might be way cooler if the script was the hero, with the anomaly as the villain.

Also, I know this might be hard to believe, but: I really didn't know much about Bee Movie before I started writing this article. I mean, I knew it existed — but I didn't know anything about it. I just needed a final movie to end the skip with, so I typed 'bee movies' in youtube, and… my GOD. It was like finding the final piece of a puzzle in a completely different puzzle set. Then you finish the puzzle and discover it's not a puzzle at all, it's Jerry Seinfeld as an anthropomorphic bee .

I wrote this to 1) make fun of Hamlet, 2) use the pun 'I/O-SAURON', 3) make fun of Waiting for Godot, and 4) write about a company that's 'Google, but with bees'. As of writing this, it's my highest rated article, and also probably the one I least expected to be my highest rated article (isn't that the way it always goes?).

Outside of the personal stuff, one of the reasons I'm so proud of this piece is because it evokes horror without relying on violence, (physical) torture, or the threat of death. It just gaslights the shit out of you.

Inspired by actual experiences I've had with mental health clinics in America (as an outsider, not as an insider). Out of all my pieces, this is the one I'm most proud of (and have the most messed up feelings over).

Regrettably, I think it's a little unclear — people have told me they think it has a retro-causal effect (it doesn't; its effect is purely memetic). Might one day revisit it to make this more clear.

Inspired by one of Stephen King's short stories, Strawberry Spring . I started writing this before reading the excellent There Is No Antimemetic Division series — so I actually thought the twist was pretty novel. I still like it enough for what it is, though.

The final twist was a result of me imagining one of these things typing at a keyboard — and then trying to think of how and why that would happen.

Inspired by Guillermo del Toro's 1997 sci-fi horror film, Mimic — with Richard Feynman's concept of cargo cult science thrown in. I find something fundamentally terrifying about the idea of imperfect p-zombies ; entities that try to mimic human behavior without actually possessing properties such as intelligence or sapience.

One day, I might take the interview out of this article. I think it's the weakest part of the piece, in retrospect; the dialogue is a bit cheesy and I think the article is stronger without it.

The first SCP I wrote (and one of the easiest to finish). There's just something sinister about number stations . The sound sample was taken from an actual recording of one, slowed down and tweaked. Regrettably, I couldn't find a sound-file of a little Russian girl counting downwards (not one in the public domain, at least).

(withFurther investigation of the site discovered an abundance of crushed concrete debris and twisted rebar, as well as several floor drains clogged with blood and fecal matter.(withThese aforementioned orifices will repeatedly seek edible material for consumption; this behavior intensifies in the presence of blood, and may even include acts of autocannibalism.(withAnalysis of the above formula via paramathematic models theorize that it has neutralized both anomalies via dividing by the common factor (Ursus arctos horribilis, or mainland grizzly bear).(withThere is no dark side of the moon, really. Matter of fact, it's all dark.

My only regret with this piece is that I could never have convinced anyone to accept the far superior alternate title: Dr. Good Boy, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love my ROM.

For a full list of the (extensive) credits and what this is about, check the author post on the discussion page. You can also check out this post for a pretty good breakdown of what the hell just happened.

With over a dozen crosslinks, extensive use of a predictive text generator , and enormous help from my collaborator ( PeppersGhost ), this is probably the most ambitious piece I've worked on here. It's a story about the Foundation getting out-Foundation'd, the anomalies getting out-anomaly'd, ethical felines, a computer that thinks it's a dog — and one very Good Boy.

Written as part of the Doomcon contest (for team JAWESOME , which posited a doomsday event resulting from the SPC!) along with PeppersGhost . Not gonna lie, Peppersghost did the heavy lifting here; mostly I got this collab on account of making a lot of last minute edits (we posted it literally a minute before the deadline, with him writing out the journal and me coming up right behind him and rewriting it).

I like the piece for how it hints at a melancholy story without being overt about it. I suspect that SCP-3693 doesn't like SCP-173; I also suspect that this feeling is mutual.

To be honest, it feels a little weird to put this one on here; djkaktus came to me with an article he was working on that amounted to 'a statue you could put in front of SCP-173 and end its threat forever', and I gave feedback. I ended up re-arranging the order of a lot of sentences and changing some wording, as well as suggesting some different features. He asked if I wanted collaboration credit, and I said I was cool with him going either way.

But the author was never alive. The author was never even there.And so this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night: What made him decide to force open that door?Forty five minutes later, the film ends.Before Dungeons & Dragons — before Empire of the Petal Throne — before Chainmail, White Bear and Red Moon, or even Siege of Bodenburg — there was Escape From Terminus.You would notsome of the shit we find down here.

This works best when you can establish the conclusion by providing a tiny detail that lets the reader fill that space themselves.

The end is the crucial component: This is where you've pushed the reader's willingness to accept the supernatural as far as it will go. Now, with the space you've made, squeeze in something absolutely dreadful. An idea, an event, a conclusion — anything. Whatever it is, it can't be too strange, but it has to be strange enough — it has to fit precisely into that space you've created.

Now, turn up your heat and simmer: Expand on that hook. A similar or related thing, or maybe the hook itself. Spice it with strange, unusual, slightly-impossible things — but only gingerly. Reinforce it with actual people, events, or things. Make the spooky indistinguishable from what is real. Every step of the way, the reader should think: "Well, that's a little strange, but…" You're wedging your way into their heads, prying open their minds to make room. Start small. Build your way up.

This is your hook. It being real is what establishes the article as existing in the real world; it sets tone and atmosphere.

Start with something real and kind-of-creepy. A historical event . A weird phemomenon . A strange occupation . Something that's both intriguing and maybe a bit spooky. Introduce the reader to it in a way that's compelling and fun.

As far as I'm concerned, the only therapy Oh-Seventy-Six needs is a depleted uranium slug straight through his skull.Right away, Rebecca could tell that the wand was high-end… Probably a semi-automagic.Y'know, basic Sarkic stuff.I'm about to drown in a sea of sugary mush and she's Baba Yaga. Pissing her off feels like the right move.Lakewood is a long stretch of nothing leading no where.» didnt anyone tell you the internet is haunted

The third (and final) part of the Hartliss series. I'm pretty happy with this, even though it took forever to produce. Needless author head-cannoning: Reinhardt is responsible for Cragstaff Sanitarium ( SCP-3054 ).

The second part of the Hartliss series. I'm less happy with this one; it was kind of an experimental thing I was trying out, when I should have probably gone with something more concrete. Still, I don't think it's bad… just a little artsy fartsy, especially considering the subject matter (hardboiled Sarkic detective investigating mysteries). Hopefully, the next (and final) piece will bring it back home with some straight-up two-fisted justice.

Anyway, one of the things I wanted to do with this is explore Sarkic themes in the context of a 1920s pulp-style story.

…and now looking at that wikipedia article, I see right away it contains a reference to the term 'semi-automagic', which I thought was kind of novel on my part. Oh well.

My first attempt at a multi-part story. This opening took a while to get right — I'm super-happy with it. It's basically a fusion between my love of 30s-era pulp-style magazines (with their excessive over-the-top gore) with a noir polish and a coating of The Dresden Files (which I've admittedly never read).

I have no idea where this is supposed to go. I just really liked the idea of a universe where the Foundation is 'reversed'; containing science rather than 'miracles'.

I wanted to write something in the Resurrection canon; this is what ended up coming out. I'm unreasonably proud of the fact that I found a way to work 'sheep-fucker' into SCP-076 's backstory.

It looks like you're trying to insert a narrative into your SCP document. Might I suggest an alternative format Whether you come back by page or by the big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home. —Another fun fact: The human femur can withstand up to 1,700 PSI before it becomes bone fragments!Dread not this reaper. My Lady, I am truly your man. —

I once wrote an extensive breakdown of two skips to demonstrate one approach to terror (post available here ); a lot of people kept telling me I ought to write it into a guide, so… here it is. The important thing to keep in mind: This is not the only approach to terror. It is, however, one that I've found to be highly effective.

I wrote this essay to address the consistent struggle I see in people's writing to deal with the issue of sentence clauses (combining dependent and independent clauses incorrectly, etc). It's one of the first guides I wrote that features Skippy. Out of all my essays, it's likely the most concrete and strictly functional (hence using Skippy to lighten it up).

I wrote this essay because I noticed a lack of essays regarding tale-writing — prose in particular. Good prose is hard; in a lot of ways, it can seem almost like magic. I wanted to break down the magic and try to get across ways a writer can accomplish it in a straightforward fashion.

Important takeaway: There's nothing wrong with a format screw, now and then. Skippy's seething hatred for them is just funny (and I think it's good to discourage newbies from trying to deviate from the format until they understand how to effectively operate within the constraints of the format).

This was an attempt to produce a newbie's guide to SCPs that's 1) Informative, 2) Entertaining, and 3) Actually mildly terrifying. Skippy himself was born from the bitter, withered depths of the blackened spite-gland in which my inner grammarian persists. If I were to ever bother with an 'author self-insert', it would likely be him.

Never throw water on a grease fire. Water expands by a ratio of approximately 1:1600 when it boils at atmospheric pressure. This means every drop of water hitting that burning grease is instantly exploding into a ball of steam over one thousand times larger than the initial droplet. In other words, you will turn a grease fire into a flaming hurricane of burning oil and death.

Instead, snuff the fire by putting something over it (like a metal plate). If you have no other option, use a CO 2 or chemical extinguisher (not a water extinguisher — also, don't aim into the grease; just sweep across the top).

Whenever you compare yourself to another author and find yourself lacking, just remember this: Your unique background and set of experiences equips you to write stories they can't. There are stories inside of you that only you and you alone can tell. No one can take that away from you.

Don't use hydrogen peroxide or rubbing alcohol on a paper-cut. Both of these chemicals evaporate very quickly, which removes moisture from your skin — and part of what makes paper-cuts hurt so much and for so long is the skin drying out (causing the skin to retract, which in turn causes the cut to expand and deepen). Instead, immediately keep it moist with saliva (gross, but it works) until you can wash it off with some soap and water. Then, use petroleum jelly and/or an antibiotic cream beneath a small bandage to keep it clean, moisturized, and sealed. Chap-stick will also work in a pinch.

Writing fiction is like exploring unknown territory. There's no 'right way' to go — just lots of wrong ways. People can give you some helpful directions, ideas, and even a few places you might want to visit — but no one can tell you where you're going or how you're getting there. That's just something you have to discover for yourself.

Never clean your cat-litter box with bleach. Cat urine is filled with ammonia, and ammonia mixed with bleach produces chlorine gas. Just use ordinary (bleach-free) soap, hot water, and a scrub-brush.

I don't care how shoddily written a piece of writing is. The author does not deserve to be ridiculed, mocked, or patronized. Don't do it — and if someone tries to do it to you, don't put up with it.

If you find yourself confronted by a wild bear, here's what you do: Speak slowly and carefully, letting them know where you are and what you are doing at all times. Let them see your hands and arms. Don't make sudden moves. If they want to inspect you, let them; once they're satisfied, move (SLOWLY) away. Never run. Make sure you're paying attention to your surroundings: You do not want to get caught between a bear and her cubs.

You can find more bear-related safety advice here.

The Elements of Style (by William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White) is a small paperback book that's around 50 to 70 pages long. It costs about $1.99 — and if that's too rich for your blood, check your local library. Try to get the most recent edition if possible (older editions will contain errors, on account of grammar changing). Alternatively, you can find a 2008 edition available for free online here.

It's an excellent guide to concise, technical writing. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

If you find yourself confronted by an American police officer, here's what you do: Speak slowly and carefully, letting them know where you are and what you are doing at all times. Let them see your hands and arms. Don't make sudden moves. If they want to inspect you, let them; once they're satisfied, move (SLOWLY) away. Never run. Make sure you're paying attention to your surroundings: You do not want to get caught between a cop and another cop.

You can find more police-related safety advice here.

Writing is not a magical, innate talent that you're born with. It's just like any skill: You need to hone it. The only reason people think otherwise is because writers just show you the finished product — which perpetuates the illusion of writers as wizards who conjure a masterpiece out of thin-air.

But the truth of it is this: Behind every great story is a fuckton of shitty ones.

It is against the law to lie to US federal agents. Seriously. The maximum sentence is 5 years in jail (8 if it's related to terrorism). This is why you should never talk to the FBI without an attorney present (if at all). Not even over the phone. It doesn't even matter if you're innocent of wrong-doing: They can just claim you lied to them and use this to pressure you into giving testimony against someone else. If you refuse, they will prosecute you and you will go to jail.

And yes, this happens all the time. Do. Not. Talk. To. Them.

Kurt Vonnegut once wrote 8 rules for writing. He went on to state that all but one can (and often will) be broken. "Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted."

This is the only rule in writing you must not break. Never waste a reader's time.