The Giants almost certainly aren’t getting Brian Dozier. The 29-year-old infielder has averaged 31 homers over the last three years, including a 42-homer season in 2016. His defense is solid. He has enough speed to steal nearly 20 bases, and he has the baserunning acumen to avoid getting thrown out too much. He’s making $6 million in 2017 and $9 million in 2018, so he’s eminently affordable. He’s not just the perfect fit for the Giants; he’s the perfect fit for every team. Which means there probably isn’t much of a shot.

But there is a stray tweet! And that sure is enough for me. Behold, a local news guy:

Haven't heard specifics on Cardinals. Just told the Giants have been trying to get creative. #mntwins https://t.co/Oqx5zNrwkn — Darren Wolfson (@DWolfsonKSTP) December 26, 2016

Don’t forget that it was Dennis O’Donnell who broke news of the Hunter Pence trade two days before it happened, and that the Mark Melancon contract was presaged by a surly Denver radio guy the morning it happened. Not all rumor heroes wear capes and/or bow ties.

Creative, eh? Creative. Okay, I can play with creative. It’s more fun than “desperate.”

Let’s assume that the Twins would ask for Joe Panik in every deal, and let’s assume the Giants would be reluctant. They like that guy. We like that guy. And while Dozier is the better player at the same position, it would be four years of a cheap Panik for two years of a cheap Dozier, and that evens things out a little, especially if you believe in the 2015 All-Star version of Panik (like I do). Considering that Dozier started his career as a shortstop, he should have the arm for third base, so the two players aren’t mutually exclusive.

The Twins asking for Panik and the Giants hinting that it might be possible wouldn’t be “creative,” though. So don’t trash the Panik/Duffy superfriends graphic novel that you’ve been working on for a year. Creative, to me, means the Giants would be offering top prospects and players on the 25-man roster, but maybe not the obvious ones.

Maybe the Twins would want Eduardo Nuñez, idk.

Okay, maybe not. But what gives me a little hope is that the Twins are involved. While they’re under new management, they haven’t completely turned the organization over, which means they still might have some folks who are willing to buck conventional wisdom when it comes to pitching prospects. Tyler Beede might not make a lot of top-50 prospect lists, but it’s possible the Twins have him rated much higher than other teams. They haven’t been as devoted to the vengeful strikeout gods, and a fair (but improving!) swing-and-miss rate is one of Beede’s only blemishes. If you’re willing to work with the strikeout rate, he’s an excellent prospect, with size, stuff, and command.

“Twins asking for Giants’ best pitching prospect” isn’t especially creative, though. What does that mean? Kelby Tomlinson? Mac Williamson? Hunter Strickland or Derek Law? All of the prospects? Some of the prospects? I’m completely hung up on that word. Do the Giants have a chance? DO THE GIANTS HAVE A CHANCE?

Probably not! The Dodgers have a huge, Dozier-sized hole at second base, and they can out-prospect the Giants. That’s before you get to the other teams that would want him, like the Nationals and Cardinals and, oh, all of them.

Still, the Giants could probably make room for an infielder with 40-homer power. And they should get creative if they need to.

Creative ... creative ... what does that mean ... creative ... maybe they’re offering Benjamin Bratt or the dude from Train ... creative ... creative ... man, this is going to drive me batty ... creative ...