At the very end of last night’s Two and a Half Men, co-creator Chuck Lorre volunteered a rare public comment on Charlie Sheen’s personal shenanigans. Utilizing his famed two-second vanity card that appears at the end of each of his sitcoms, Lorre offered the following insight:

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“I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I’ve had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKG’s and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.

If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed.”

Lorre also had a vanity card on Mike & Molly that was much less upbeat. It does not directly refer to Sheen, but, well, judge for yourself:

“He felt dead inside.

No matter how hard he partied, he could never escape that simple fact — inside, dead.

And that was his life.

Running from a feeling.

At least until he could run no more.

Exhausted, spent and beaten, when the end finally came, he welcomed it.

With life ebbing from his wasted body, he was suddenly swept up in a transcendent state of joy that was pure and complete.

Moments later he felt dead inside.”