UDPATE: Results are in!

Beijing expats may as well have been brought up in a magnificent castle, driven thence into this wonderland of partying and booze. Like all who emerge from relative privilege into physical decadence and spiritual morass, we are a self-centered lot, and so it is that we need a bar and club awards to tell us what we really want to know: where can we hang out with the kind who share our patois? what should we avoid due to the old sots and risk of disfigurement? where to get laid?

Yes, it’s awards season time, when the city’s very best are honored via reader vote, alongside the pretty good and the somewhat bad and all the rest. In that spirit, the 2nd annual Beijing Cream Bar and Club Awards honors 108 bar/club nominees (we’ve combined Punk/Mesh, Mix/Vics, and GT/Coco Banana) across 20 categories split into four groups. Competition this year is more cutthroat than ever, as only nine establishments (not counting the music venues) are nominated more than once, i.e. exactly twice. Want a paper plate? Seize your opportunity.

We’ll have more coverage throughout the week, breaking down the groups and categories. For now, VOTE HERE. The full list is below. With any luck, Beijing friends, we’ll learn to see our nightlives for what they really are.

Credit for the lovely images goes to Katie.

Mr. Laowai (analyzed by Kelly Mason)

Most Likely to Encounter a Young Candide Who Believes He/She Will Change China for the Better

Apothecary

Flamme

Great Leap Brewing

Heaven Supermarket

Paddy O’Shea’s

Salud

Most Likely to Find a Jaded China Hand Who Hates Everything and Everyone

Amilal

Capital M

The James Joyce

Janes and Hooch

Maison Boulud

Susu

Most Likely to Spot Another Laowai Looking Pissed That You Also Know This “Hidden” Place

Cu Ju

Mai

Mao Mao Chong

Más

Revolution

Slow Boat Brewery Taproom

Place You’d Take Your Visiting Parents, But Probably No One Else

Ala House

Atmosphere

Bar Veloce

Centro

CJW

Glen

Scarlett

Best Value Drinks for a Food Establishment

Blue Frog

Homeplate

The Kro’s Nest

Q Mex

Tim’s Texas BBQ

Union

Mr. Drunk (analyzed by Ginny Weasley)

Place You’ll Probably End Up, No Matter How Hard You Resist

1F

Brussels

Chocolate

Latte

Miga’s

Smugglers

Best Place to Go if You’re a Government Official or Fu’erdai

Coco / GT Banana

Dao Club

Domus

Face

Tang Club

Tango

Most Likely to Encounter a Cockeyed Sot Who Harbors Bad, Bad Intentions

The Den

Grinders

Luga’s

Plan B

The Stumble Inn

The Tree

Most Likely to Physically Injure Oneself

3F

Haze

LAN Club

Lantern

Red Club

Spark

Place That Opened Before the Olympics That, Against All Odds, is Still Open

12SQM

Black Sun

Nanjie

Nashville

Q Bar

The World of Suzie Wong

Little Miss Dance (analyzed by Hannah Lincoln)

Best Place to Go If You’re the Type of Shameless Asshole to Take Advantage of Another’s Drunkenness

Alfa

Bar Blu

Destination

d Lounge

Mix / Vics

Salsa Caribe

Xiu

Place You’re Most Likely to Get Shanked, Probably by Management

9.9

Butterfly

Cheers

Elements

Kai

School Bar

Most Likely to Hear the Phrase “YOLO, Bitches!”

The Brick

Kokomo

Lush

Modernista

Pyro

Wu

Music That Doesn’t Suck. NOT Suck

2 Kolegas

Hot Cat Club

Jianghu

MAO Live House

Temple

What Bar

XP

Yugong Yishan

Corollary: Music That Kind of Sucks

2 Kolegas

Hot Cat Club

Jianghu

MAO Live House

Temple

What Bar

XP

Yugong Yishan

Mr. Sex (and drugs) (analyzed by Drake Moreau)

A Place You’ll Only Patronize if You’ve Been Drugged and Taken There in the Back of a Trunk

Cafe del Mar

Green Cap

Frank’s Place

The Irish Volunteer

Little Britain

Park Side Bar and Grill

Best Bathroom for Having Sex, Doing a Line, or, Most Likely, Both

2F

Aperitivo

Dada

The Kro’s Nest

Mesh / Punk

Zeta Bar

Most Likely to Leave You with Blue Balls (or the Female Equivalent)

The Bookworm

The Box

Cafe de la Poste

Siif

Twilight

VA Bar

Best Place to Find a Date

4corners

Great Leap Brewing

El Nido

Fubar

Lush

Modernista

Best Place to Find a Lay

Chocolate

The Den

Latte

Maggie’s

Propaganda

Pyro

Vote in the 2nd annual Beijing Cream Bar and Club Awards