7 January, 2017. 12:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Gregory Poon is the type of discerning Brisbanese man who locks the doors of his late model Volkswagon every time he’s forced to journey further south than Mount Gravatt.

Speaking to friends earlier this morning over a platter of Balmain bugs and jumbo king prawns, the St Lucia property developer laughed and rolled his eyes when a pal suggested that the dapper gent was too much of a pussy to visit Logan’s notorious Hyperdome on his own.

“I’m not scared of those mongrel mob types,” said the Gemini. “Heck, we practically had a whole tribe of them at Southport [laughs] I mean, I rugby premiership doesn’t win itself, does it?”

“But yeah, friend. Not afraid of the Hyperdome at all. My pals are just hanging shit on me because I moan like a lesbian walking past a hardware shop each time I visit the intersection of Edward and Elizabeth. It’s like a tiny slice of Paris in downtown Brisbane.”

However, three of the 31-year-old’s closest friends have refuted his claims, explaining to The Advocate candidly via Skype that Mr Poon would wet his Hugo Boss trousers the moment he entered the Hyperdome’s carpark.

“He would melt like a Victorian in the outback sun,” said one friend. “He can’t even kill a huntsman. What type of bloke can’t just whip off his Japanese riding boot and squash the bastard where he stands. Greg’s a nice bloke, but his a giant soft cock when it comes to most things.”

“He cried once when we left him behind at the Annerley McDonalds. He thought he was going to get bashed [laughs].”