Alvarez is a constitutional test of the Stolen Valor Act, a recent brainstorm of Congress. Federal law has long made it a crime to counterfeit U.S. military decorations or wear them if not entitled to; but since 2006, it has been a misdemeanor to " falsely represent[] . . . verbally or in writing" that an individual has been awarded "any decoration or medal authorized by Congress for the Armed Forces of the United States . . . ." Violation can bring six months in jail.

This brings us to the case of Xavier Alvarez, who somehow got himself elected to the Three Valleys Water District Board, headquartered in Claremont, California. By all accounts, Alvarez is what we would have called back home kinda pitiful. In introducing himself to his fellow directors, he said, "I'm a retired marine of 25 years. I retired in the year 2001. Back in 1987, I was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. I got wounded many times by the same guy. I'm still around."

Not only is Alvarez not a medal-winner, he was never a marine, never a cop, never a member of the Detroit Red Wings, and never the husband of a Mexican starlet. He is, however, unlucky enough to have been snitched off to the FBI, which got hold of the recording of the meeting. Alvarez challenged the statute as a violation of the First Amendment.

The sponsors of the Stolen Valor Act worry that crazed lies like Alvarez's "damage the reputation and meaning of such decorations and medals." That's hardly a strong reason in First Amendment terms--after all, burning the flag might damage its reputation, and the First Amendment protects flag-burning. In fact, in this country, we don't protect the "reputations" of symbols, or even of government itself. The Ninth Circuit struck the Act down, leaving Alvarez free to haunt the bars of all three valleys trying to convince women that he is the real Rambo. The government then sought en banc review, which the court denied--with Judge Kozinski writing his dithyramb to deception as part of that order. Now the government has asked the Supreme Court to get involved.

It's hard to imagine this Court hesitating to shove this idiotic law out the door; in fact (to use words I seldom write) I look forward to Chief Justice Roberts's opinion. What's fascinating, though, is the vehemence of the dissents, both at the appeal and the en banc stage. On the three-judge panel, Judge Jay S. Bybee wrote that "false statements of fact . . . generally fall outside First Amendment protection." False statements of all kinds, he reasoned, are a complete exception to the First Amendment, just like child pornography, fighting words, or soliciting a hitman to kill your spouse. (It should be noted that, as head of the Office of Legal Counsel, Bybee also gave the green light for government to use waterboarding and other tortures, undoubtedly only to elicit truthful speech.) At the en banc level, Judge Diarmuid O'Scannlain wrote for a total of seven judges to the same effect, and reasoned that because maintaining an effective military is so important to the nation, any false statement about medals can be banned.