Washington D.C.—

Evangelical Americans are always allegedly praying for America, so how have they not convinced God to stop the spread of coronavirus already?

An Old Testament-esque plague has descended upon our humble planet, but American Evangelicals very evidently aren’t praying hard enough, are they? Have they truly committed themselves to convincing God to lay off a little with the mass murder? Evangelicals are really letting America down by falling so piously short in their prayer game, aren’t they?

Sure, they can blame gay marriage, or Obama, or interracial children all they want, but Evangelical prayers were not enough to stop those three either.

The fact that the US now has the worst trend line for coronavirus cases henceforth reflects on their prayer abilities. Are Christians in other countries more Christ-like? Could Evangelicals here do better? Is the judgement American Evangelicals commit against their fellow countrymen and women for not following legalistic goat-herding rules damning them in their own monodeity’s eyes?

Perhaps America’s modern evangelicals are not monastic enough in focus like Christians used to be in the single-digit centuries. Christians today aren’t even quarantining themselves in their homes like responsible pandemic-era citizens ought. Surely every Evangelical should welcome the opportunity to shut themselves in and spend weeks diligently reading the Bible and praying for humanity’s return to health. With no distractions!

I suspect few Evangelicals rigorously spend all day and night praying for the end of the pandemic. They no doubt waste a lot of free time they could spend begging for the forgiveness of their deity by binge-watching secular television shows like The Office, and absorbing themselves in Godless social media. Perhaps Evangelicals are merely offering token, casual prayers when they wake up in the morning or lie down in bed at night instead of committing to a daily marathon of devotion. They’re letting us down, and simultaneously missing a wonderfully valuable opportunity to prove once and for all that the puritan lifestyle committed to Evangelical values they promise will bring everyone peace, health and happiness actually will! Do Evangelicals deserve the fundamentalist theocracy they call for our public government to transform into if they can’t even stop the coronavirus with their Godly connection?

Whatever their prayer routines are, the efforts are conspicuously not enough. Evangelicals should probably begin praying night and day with as few breaks as homeostatically possible. They should, no doubt, quit all other hobbies. Every second their prayers fail to bring about the end of this coronavirus is a second longer that God is enabled to kill more innocent elderly and immuno-compromised. And a second longer that atheists and agnostics are encouraged to ignore their religious scoldings!

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