Altruistic Carlos Tevez, anonymous Marco Amelia and Massimo Moratti’s Harry Redknapp moment, as Susy Campanale interprets the funniest quotes of the week.

Mock the Quotes: ‘Tevez not motivated by money’

“Carlos Tevez has never been motivated by money.”

As implausible proclamations from a spokesman go, it’s on a par with ‘he accidentally slipped and fell into the lifeboat’

“Mr Galliani and his advisers have developed a misplaced sense of confidence from their premature discussions with Carlos.”

Manchester City chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak adds that no matter how well he might think he’s carrying it off, baldness does not make Adriano Galliani look virile

“A striker will come, he will be Argentinean and his name will end with a ‘z’.”

Galliani’s take on the Tevez-Lopez mystery suggests he’d be terrible at Cluedo

“I don’t understand what we are meant to answer for or what debt we must pay...”

Is that Massimo Moratti or Harry Redknapp speaking?

“If Erik Lamela did kick at Giorgio Chiellini then that certainly wasn’t a nice gesture even if football is a contact sport.”

Yes, Luis Enrique, but the contact isn’t generally between boot and crotch

“I’m not the kind of guy who throws himself to the ground for no reason.”

Diego Milito has an excellent reason – to get a penalty

“A deal for Amelia? Absolutely not, we are honestly not in negotiations and if I’m honest, I do not even know who he is.”

If the goalkeeper’s agent wanted to add prestige with this rumour, Spartak Moscow Coach Valeri Karpin certainly put paid to that

“We reached this stage without even realising how we got here.”

Giuseppe Sannino switched off Siena’s sat-nav

“I did not see Roma in any way inferior to Juventus.”

Luis Enrique says 3-0 was a very tight result

“I think we cannot play worse than this.”

Has Claudio Ranieri seen some of Inter’s games from earlier this season?

“There was an incredible commentary on Sunday. I told my son: ‘Maybe they really don’t like us.’ It’s not normal and we must’ve done something terrible to deserve this constantly critical approach. It’s like a small revenge they are all taking against Inter.”

President Moratti isn’t paranoid if we – sorry, they – are all out to get him

“Unfortunately this lad is under the spotlight 24/7. Mario Balotelli has to relax and stay calm, then be judged for what he does on the pitch.”

That was the problem this time round, Cesare Prandelli

“I ask the fans for a show of faith. Even jeers and insults are part of their love for the Viola. At the moment we are in the phase of a love that feels betrayed.”

Delio Rossi knows hell hath no fury like a Fiorentina fan scorned

“Toto Di Natale matured later than most, because up until a certain age he wasn’t that fussed at playing football.”

Vincenzo Montella makes us wonder what the Udinese hitman might’ve achieved if he could always be bothered

“I think every Coach has his own philosophy and this is mine.”

We must study The Tao of Ranieri

“Remember, we are not Real Madrid…”

Director Pierpaolo Marino assures Atalanta have a better disciplinary record

“I can lose four games in a row and then I’ll be considered an idiot.”

Luis Enrique knows his Football IQ is subject to variation

“I want to underline that Philippe Mexes has no Twitter profile.”

Agent Olivier Jouanneaux categorically denies the Milan defender engaged in #fishfilms pun games

“I’m Faraoni and I’m not the same as anyone else.”

They all say that, Marco...

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