It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!

Fromis_9 – Fun!

It really isn’t. Easily the worst song that “the underscore group” have ever done.

PKCZ ft. CL & Afrojack – Cut It Up

It’s not great but CL actually suits this kind of material, she’s probably got a reasonable future as a B-list rapper guest. Also she’s looking pretty thicc lately, which I appreciate. Thicc CL is best CL.

WJSN – Boogie Up

The other week when I said “Weki Meki finally have a good song” I actually got them confused with WJSN, who have no good songs, whereas Weki Meki actually had “Crush” last year which was cool. Anyway, now that WJSN also finally have a good song here, shit is going to get even more confusing for me.

BoA ft. Nucksal – Feedback

I guess I can leave the troll jokes to Asian Junkie for once and I’ll just swap roles and do the “true journalism” thing and ignore her instead.

Teen Top – Run Away

Teen Top hop on ultra-late to the sinking “tropical” ship and nobody cares.

Sonar Pocket & Gfriend – Oh Difficult

I’m sure there were good financial reasons for this j-pop collaboration because there sure weren’t any good musical ones.

Jay Park – Feng Shui

Oh boy, this is terrible. I can’t even imagine Jay Park fans being into this, but I’m sure they’ll surprise me.

Saay – ZGZG

This girl was apparently in EvoL but you’ll find none of the quality of EvoL’s better songs here.

NCT Dream & HRVY – Don’t Need Your Love

Since BTS did that thing with Halsey I guess SM have got it in their heads that they need a western collab to help NCT 127 earn those Ameros. Don’t tell them that “Boy With Luv” would have probably performed even better if Halsey wasn’t actually in it.

Soyeon – The Loveless

This is Soyeon from (G)-I#d&l%e, and I’ve been informed that she actually writes a ton of that group’s music. Ahh, now the reason why CLC have far better songs even though they’re both on the same label is crystal clear (pun intended).

IZ – Eden

At least it rocks, even if it’s not much of an actual rock song.

Jun – Admit

Eh it’s okay.

June – Tonight

Horrid early 90s new jack swing sound, a genre best forgotten. Was there even one single good song in this style ever in human history?

Kid Milli ft. Yunhway – Duracell & Zanny

Triplet flow really is garbage, it just doesn’t sound any good. It was fine for one verse in Public Enemy’s “Bring The Noise” as a gimmick only because Chuck stopped doing that shit after 16 bars.

Mark Choi – Holic

What is it with crappy Korean ballads and traffic scenes. Literally nobody wants to watch what you filmed from outside your car window when you were bored as shit on a road trip. If you’re going to subject us to travelogue footage at least throw some bottles out the window and try to hit some cyclists or something.

Skull ft Koonta, Mion, Vigorman – Fosho

Actually one of the better Skull tracks, because it isn’t very reggae, and also because he’s barely in it. No k-pop fans are going to be into this though.

Kinda – When I See Ur Phone

If you don’t like what’s on someone else’s phone, stop looking. Phone ettiquette isn’t that hard. Only mentally ill possessive “texts you 50 times a day” creepy boyfriends/girlfriends over-the-shoulder your phone.

Suzanne – Unfortunately

Slow like doom metal, but without the distortion or drugs to make things interesting.

Leo ft. Maximilian Heckler – Flower

On the other hand this ballad is actually not too awful, due to having non-sucky instrumentation and vocalists who aren’t trying to project their spit at 100kmh.

Rocoberry – How Is Your Night

Fine until you ruined it with this crap song, thanks.

Street Guns – Something Old

And here’s a 50s style rockabilly… ballad. Oh well.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

TWICE – FANCY [16D AUDIO | NOT 8D / 9D]

For those curious or who have stumbled across them, these “8D” and “16D” mixes are created by using the same phase cancellation and filtering tricks that are used to make MR removed acapella and instrumental remixes, and then panning the results generated from each type of filter separately. Just like MR removed is actually bullshit, 8D/16D remixes don’t actually have sixteen dimensions, although if they did, I think they should be labelled as follows:

Length (x/y stereo panning) Depth (distance as volume) Height (human ear modelling) Time (taken to write all this crap) Heejin Hyunjin Haseul Yeojin ViVi Kim Lip Jinsoul Choerry Yves Chuu Go Won Olivia Hye

That’s all for this week’s roundup – more next week!