Open the lines of communication for conflicting parties to have their say without interruptions or outbursts. Allow the parties to talk informally, but monitor the discussion to ensure each party has adequate time to speak.

Don’t let one person monopolize the conversation and don’t begin sharing your own viewpoint until both parties have had an opportunity to express their thoughts, concerns and feelings.

There is bound to be a lot of emotion in these conversations, meaning they can easily stray off course, hindering any progress. The intensity between the conflicted parties can quickly push the dialogue into a toxic place.

A skillful mediator will continue to remind them that the conflict occurred and that the purpose of this discussion is to attack the conflict, not each other. These strategies can help you keep the dialogue on track:

Listen for threats, intimidation, aggression or coercion

Be attentive and listen for threats or ultimatums, aggression, intimidation, bullying or scare tactics. If you find the discussion is becoming aggressive instead of assertive, help the speaker communicate their position. Threats and coercive offers might halt the problem temporarily but they are rarely a long-term solution.

Focus on the topic

Keep the conversation focused on the problem, not the person. Conflicting parties may feel compelled to attack each other, but try to refocus back onto the conversation’s primary goal.

Keep your own pre-conceived attitudes in check as well. Remember, you are supposed to be maintaining a bias-free perspective. Sometimes the person really is the problem in a conflict, but that’s usually the last place you should look.

Use “I” statements

Form the conversation around “I” statements. The keystone of conflict resolution, “I” statements help the speaker frame thoughts around themselves instead of placing blame on the other party. Instead of saying “You’re always late!” say something more like “It was embarrassing that I had to lead the meeting myself.”.

Use storytelling

Encourage the use of storytelling for a productive discussion. If the speaker is not careful while explaining their position, it can push the listener to become indifferent instead of sympathetic. With storytelling, the speaker creates a clearer picture that’s easier to not only acknowledge, but also understand.