With his mysterious powers, distinctive garb, and do-gooder attitude, the modern interpretation of Santa Claus has a strong claim to being the world’s first superhero.

Maybe that’s why Saint Nick has been such a natural fit in the pages of comic books. Over the years, Santa has rubbed shoulders with the likes of Superman, Batman, and even the X-Men (in the Marvel Universe, Santa Claus is an Omega-level mutant).

As strange as those pairings might sound, they can’t compete with some of the other weird and downright demented depictions of Santa in the funny pages.

Recently, Reddit user drakesylvan posted a thread in the Today I Learned community about one of the most twisted comic book Santa sightings. In 2008’s Hellblazer #247, John Constantine, DC Comics’ resident magician and supernatural reprobate, gets high on a supply of the crushed bone powder of St. Nicholas of Myra, one of the inspirations for the today’s Mr. Claus. This bit of Yuletide debauchery is all part of a magic ritual to help Constantine focus his mystical powers.

The absurdity doesn’t stop there, either. Here are four more examples of Christmas craziness.

1. Santa’s Gotta Gun

While the story in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #112 is mildly unsettling—a seen-only-in-shadows Santa kidnaps and reforms off-panel an armed home invader who dresses up as Kris Kringle—the cover to the issue, with a .45-packin’, butt-smokin’ Santa Claus, is enough to make any kid hope Saint Nick is just a hokey story their parents and corporate America have dreamed up.

Of course, that’s nothing compared to panel after panel of Flashdance-inspired leg warmers and torn sweater tops. There’s no Christmas miracle to save you from 1985 fashion.

2. The Secret Origin of Santa Claus

Writer Grant Morrison has a reputation for getting to the core of classic characters like Superman and Batman. Now, Morrison is using that talent on Santa Claus in a six-issue limited series, Klaus. With only one issue on the stands, the essence of Morrison’s jolly, ol’ Saint Nick is that he’s not particularly jolly or saintly. In fact, this Santa Claus looks more at home in the pages of A Game of Thrones than in the verses of “The Night Before Christmas” thanks to the badass attitude he shares with his obedient pet white wolf.

3. Wanted: Santa Claus, Dead or Alive

What happens when the Easter Bunny hires intergalactic bounty hunter Lobo to assassinate Santa Claus? You get an excuse to publish excessively violent fight scenes of dead elves and a beat-down Saint Nick, all drawn by Simon Bisley. That’s the raison d’etre for The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special, the comic book made for all those children who never got that pony they really, really wanted for Christmas.

Fun fact: This comic resonated with enough fans that it inspired a live-action adaptation.

4. Ho, Ho, Ho-micide!

The previous comic book examples operate under the idea that Santa Claus is a real person who most people think is mythical. However, Fairy Tales?, an evangelical fundamentalist Christian tract by Jack T. Chick, turns the tables and shows the harm that is wrought when children foster an unrealistic belief in Kris Kringle, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.

What happens when young Harry finally discovers that Santa doesn’t exist? Naturally, he violently lashes out and goes on a killing spree.

Thanks to his thoughtless parents, poor Harry’s disillusionment over Saint Nick extends to Jesus, God, and humanity, in general. The story, though, ends with a sweet Christmas message: