It’s commonly known that many, if not most, men prefer anal sex and would choose to have it most or all of the time if they could. However, most men do not have anal sex most of the time—it’s a goal, an ideal, that they have a hard time putting into practice. Most men are sexually opportunistic, and if they have a chance for sex, they’ll accept vaginal even if anal is what they prefer.

With that complacency, however, in accepting something inferior that they don’t really want or enjoy as much, they miss an opportunity to introduce a new partner to the anal only lifestyle and to potentially enjoy a far more mutually satisfying sex life together. If their relationship lasts and gets serious, and she doesn’t ever want to do anal, while he wants to do it more and more, that initial compromise can lead to resentment and sexual incompatibility and dysfunction.

Similarly for women, many prefer anal and would like to live an anal only lifestyle, but find it hard to tell a partner that anal is all they want and fear judgement or rejection, and so often will give into what that partner wants instead, even if it’s vaginal sex that they can’t enjoy or orgasm from.

Ultimately, a relationship isn’t only about sex, and you have to decide whether the whole of the relationship makes up for a lack of anal sex or anal exclusivity for you, but sex is a big part of life for most people, and you should seriously consider whether you want to live without the anal sex you need most.

Chances are, you should be standing up for your need for anal sex. Don’t ever force anyone, but make it clear early on in a relationship that you aren’t interested in vaginal sex and that you’re anal only, and stand up for your principles. If your partner shows interest or curiosity or is even just willing to try it for a while, that’s a great sign. If they flat out refuse and don’t want anything at all to do with it, that’s probably a sign that you aren’t going to be very sexually compatible, but sometimes it’s possible to compromise at first and gradually ease them into the idea further over time. The viability of doing so depends on just how much you’re willing to compromise. And if that compromise doesn’t work, you may not realize until far enough down the road together that once you know they won’t be into going anal only, you have bonded enough on other levels that breaking things off is more difficult.

In closing, if an anal only relationship is what you need, be open, honest and genuine about it, and you will find other people who are into the same thing, or are curious enough to try it with you.

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