ST. CLOUD, MN—Saying there was no chance a cranium like that held an ordinary brain, sources told reporters Thursday that local boy Joshua Baker’s massive head indicated he had psychic powers. “There’s no way a kid with that humongous skull can’t do all kinds of crazy shit with his mind,” said neighbor Marcy Engel, adding she was nearly certain that the child could at any point enter her thoughts simply by concentrating so hard that the veins on his gigantic dome started pulsating. “Seriously, he could probably throw a car just by staring at it and lifting his chin or make your head explode just by putting his fingers up to the temples of that humongous thing.” Engel went on to say she wouldn’t be surprised if the kid learned to teleport or even time travel since it didn’t seem like that enormous head of his would be done growing anytime soon.

Advertisement