McConnell has been burning up the news wires lately to complain that Democrats are overtly partisan:

So what's behind McConnell's sudden burst of partisanship? He blamed the Democrats, saying that the White House told them to stop cooperating with Republicans over how to police the market for derivatives, the complex financial instruments that helped trigger the global debacle. Several powerful interests that deal in derivatives, including energy, financial and agricultural groups, are wary of the Democrats' plan.

That is SUCH a huge shock to me! Major corporations are worried about financial reform hurting their bottom line?!

Hurry! Hurry! Bring the smelling salts, quick! I may faint here!

From the same McClatchy article above:

"The White House is running everything with this bill, and they've decided to take a political tack," said Tripp Baird, once an aide to former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, R-Miss. "What you're seeing from McConnell is we're not going to be a part of this. Republicans have finally seen the light after health care."

/big breath

HA! BWA HA HA HA HA HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

/grasping stomach

HA HA HA HA! OO WEE BOY HA HA HA HA FUCKING HA I'D BE CRYING IF I WASN'T LAUGHING HERE!

/wipes tears

Also:

"He's raising money from investment bankers and hedge fund managers in return for policy," said Larry Forgy, a Lexington, Ky., political observer and attorney. "I have always felt these decisions of a major policy nature should not be combined with fundraising campaigns as he appears to be conducting in New York. I don't think the average person in Kentucky has a damn bit of sympathy for hedge fund managers."

Just who is this alarmingly sexy senator, this McConnell fellow from Kentucky, you ask? Well, I'll tell ya!

He's a draft-dodger

After induction at Fort Knox, Kentucky, McConnell was released early from his active-duty military service in August 1967. John Cooper, a U.S. Senator from Kentucky (for whom McConnell had interned) wrote a letter in August 1967 to the commanding general at Fort Knox, asking when McConnell would be "cleared" from active duty so as to attend New York University.

and a corporate whore

McConnell is also well known for his opposition to campaign finance regulation on First Amendment grounds. He argues that regulations reduce participation in political campaigns and protect incumbents from competition. He spearheaded the movement against the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act (known since 1995 as the "McCain–Feingold bill" and from 1989–1994 as the "Boren–Mitchell bill"), calling it "neither fair, nor balanced, nor constitutional." His opposition to the bill culminated in the 2003 Supreme Court case McConnell v. Federal Election Commission and the 2009 Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission.

and a war monger

The minority leader is a strong supporter of the war in Iraq. He supported giving George W. Bush the authority to wage the war in 2002, backed the 2007 troop surge and has consistently blocked measures to rescind the president’s authority to use force. "If the Senate doesn't support the mission in Iraq, it has only one option, and that's to decide whether or not to fund that mission," McConnell said. He has also continued to push measures that would fund the war without setting a timeline for withdrawal of U.S. troops, calling a timeline a "surrender deadline."

and a tone-deaf "master" strategist

The question now is how much of an enduring gain Republicans might get from Mr. McConnell’s blocking strategy. For all his efforts, Democrats could very well pass a health care overhaul in the next week. (heh) While he has drawn sharp ideological contrasts that have rallied conservatives after their Congressional defeats in 2006 and 2008, Mr. McConnell is a long way from capturing control of the Senate in November. More fundamentally, Mr. McConnell’s strategy has left Republicans at risk of being tagged as pure obstructionists and a party without a positive agenda.

and a little weasel

Last week, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R) squared off in a debate with Democratic challenger Bruce Lunsford. But on Lunsford's podium a GOP operative had placed a small voice recorder, presumably to pick up some off-mic comments Lunsford might make -- apparently a violation of the debate rules. (The recorder itself -- sans recording -- was eventually returned.)

and married to a ladder-climbing diva

Second-tier types would do well to follow some of the trailblazing efforts in recent years of Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao. Take a look, for example, at the walls of your own building or even your own floor. Not long ago there were, by one count, 130 or so photos on the second-floor executive offices of the Labor Department headquarters. These depicted workers in various professions. Now there are basically the same number of photos, but 58 of them include a shot of the secretary out there on the job, we're told.

and a corrupt bastard.

The Department of Justice (DOJ) has an ongoing investigation into British defense contractor, BAE Systems, concerning allegations that the company bribed members of the Saudi Royal family, including the Saudi Ambassador to the United States, in support of an arms-for-oil barter. The United Kingdom’s Serious Fraud Office (SFO), which was also investigating BAE over those same allegations of bribery, dropped the investigation when ordered to do so by then Prime Minister Tony Blair in 2006, amid concerns that it would tread too close to members of the Saudi Royal family and endanger national security. Approximately half of BAE’s business is now done with the United States government, but the decision of the SFO to drop its investigation into the company has hampered the DOJ probe. The United States government lodged two official diplomatic protests over the scuttling of the SFO’s investigation. The Austrian government, is expected, however, to bring charges in connection with its investigation of BAE. That investigation concerns the action of an Austrian aristocrat who secretly worked for the defense contractor and made "aggressive incentive payments to key decision-makers." For fiscal year 2010, Sen. McConnell requested three earmarks for BAE worth a combined $17 million dollars. The requests are for various gun assemblies manufactured by BAE at its Louisville, Kentucky facility. Since the third quarter of 2008, employees of BAE Systems have donated $3,400 to Sen. McConnell’s campaign committee.

I'd include more in this bio of sorts, but my head is starting to hurt and I like Senator McConnell now even less than I did when I started this diary, 3 hours ago. Which was exactly 0% before I started, and he's now polling with Shiz at -15%.

I have a headache.

Also, if you can answer my question in the title, succinctly and efficiently, you'll receive a big smooch from me and a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax!

Or something.

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UPDATE: Hey, kickass! I just got my first piece of extremely stupid hate mail!

Unless you're white, stop hating for having white faces. We don't hate on Black People for chaining up their brothers and sisters dragging them to the shores of Africa and selling them to our European ancestors as though the whole thing were a Crack Pyramid. Seriously, bigots.

Note to racist "Crack Pyramid" author: I'm white. Sorry to burst your teabagger bubble.