Well, we found it. The Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny of horror films. Read that again. Reflect on it. Maybe discuss it with your local librarian, or, better yet, one of the pungent men who spends all day on a library computer glancing over his shoulder nervously as he “does internet research.” The Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny of horror films. A bold claim, especially when you consider that Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny is arguably a horror film itself, based on the raw metric tonnage of nightmares it’s produced.

Just like that holiday classic, Curse of Bigfoot feels like an insane sandwich slapped together by Dagwood Bumstead after an extended opium binge, maybe Peanut Butter & Tacks & Pimento Loaf & a laserdisc of Newsies. A film within a film within a damp cardboard box within a film. Some highlights: a hideous papier-mâché creature (Bigfoot?) gradually approaches a woman feeding her dog for five continuous minutes. A high school teacher, apparently of the common high school subject “Monsters,” forces his students to listen to a guest speaker who would never be allowed within 500 feet of any school. Logging. Lots of logging. Logger deaths. And, to wash it all down and make sense of everything, a vintage monster movie stapled to the end, featuring a monster who may or may not be Bigfoot (it definitely isn’t Bigfoot). You don’t want to miss this.