The US gymnast failed to put hand over her heart during the Star-Spangled Banner. She got a different reaction to Michael Phelps’s laughter during the same song

There are a lot of things I don’t understand about the modern Olympic movement. Like, why do we make the athletes all sleep in the same building (with some exceptions) like they’ve all been shipped off to military school for stealing a small-town mayor’s BMW? These are adults. If Michael Phelps wants to crash at a Holiday Inn, he should be granted that courtesy. Also, are we sure the opening ceremonies aren’t a big boondoggle designed primarily to prop up the struggling novelty laser industry?

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Most pressing, though, is my confusion in the face of Olympic boosters claiming, like Caitlyn Jenner did on HBO’s Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons, that the Olympics “bring people together” and “bring this world together”. This runs contrary to the fact that the events themselves function for many as a jolly excuse for jingoism. The reaction to gold-medal winning US gymnast Gabby Douglas neglecting to place her hand on her heart during the playing of the Star-Spangled Banner at the medal ceremony does not strike me as a unifying moment. Los Angeles Times sports columnist Bill Plaschke spoke for a certain segment of the Olympic-watching public when he said on Wednesday, “The next time Gabby Douglas stands on a podium for the national anthem, she can forget the words, disagree with them, protest them. But here’s hoping she never again ignores the weight of their meaning.”

If she had just whipped out a Black Lives Matter t-shirt or ripped up a photo of the Pope, all would be forgiven and she’d be back on the Wheaties box in no time. Of course, that is patently absurd, especially when considering that the athlete in question is an African American woman — a rough demographic to be in if you want our most outwardly patriotic citizens to respect you. Plaschke points to John Carlos and Tommie Smith, Olympians who became infamous for raising gloved black power fists at the 1968 Games in Mexico City. If only Douglas had offered such a “worthy explanation,” as Plaschke puts it, for her podium behavior, she’d get a pass from the imaginary monoculture that deems behavior appropriate or inappropriate.

But would she? Today, Carlos and Smith are seen as ahead of their time and politically progressive by those on the left. But in 1968, an article in Time magazine described their protest as a “public display of petulance” that “turned the high drama of the games into theater of the absurd.” I dare say that the modern party of Trump would classify similar behavior in 2016 similarly or worse.

It’s not surprising to me that someone of Plaschke’s age would harken back to days of yore to spin tales of “how it should be done,” ignoring the very real response such actions received in their time. A black woman in America is damned to unrealistic expectations and is an open target for derision when finding themselves in the public eye: Serena and Venus Williams at Indian Wells, Anita Hill testifying in front of Congress, Michelle Obama’s tenure as First Lady, and now, her teenage daughter allegedly smoking weed at a music festival. Leslie Jones can’t even star in a Ghostbusters movie without Twitter eggs calling her names for months.

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But for those without the stomach to discuss race (all of you who identified with Dominick Dunne in The People v OJ Simpson) let’s assume Gabby Douglas was white. Also, a man. What if she was Michael Phelps? Well, Plaschke mentions that Phelps also got a stern talking-to from grumpy Americans after he laughed during the medal ceremony for the 200m butterfly, but it was just fine because he was clearly “emotional”. He almost cried! Just boys being boys, after all. Give the man a break. He was caught up in the moment! If he hadn’t nearly wept and simply did a bit of chuckling about a friend playing a goof on him, he’d have to publicly apologize in front of a representative of the United States, so that it’s official – like the secretary of state or Bachelor host Chris Harrison.

That must be the real Olympic spirit in action. The message is simple: do as you are told. Conform. Stand up straight, don’t smile, put your hand on your heart, and maybe cry. Crying is good. Be uplifted, be inspired, be quiet. Don’t dance, don’t high-five, don’t sulk, and for God’s sake, don’t laugh. Please do not draw attention to the fact that these Games do not matter in the larger context of world events. This is the sacred ritual — a multi-billion dollar festival of graft, political malfeasance, and civil unrest. Please don’t slouch.