“What can I get you to drink?”

“A pitcher of the darkest brew you have on tap. Honey, did you decide what kind of margarita you want? Hey, do you guys get the NHL Network? I really don’t want to miss the game.”

Ladies, I’ve met you. I spoken with you on Facebook and Twitter. I know that you have been there and done that.

You’re the one ordering the beer and demanding to watch the game while your boyfriend sips on his fruity drink. Times like these make you feel like you’re less of a woman and more of a man. You might as well be banging on your chest with your fists and screeching out your best King Kong impression.

Now, there is nothing wrong with a good, strong margarita. It just doesn’t go as well with a hockey game as a nice, frothy brew.

Is your relationship doomed? Are you destined to fail because the love of your life doesn’t love the greatest sport on earth?! How can you tell if maybe it isn’t meant to be?

Here are some signs to look out for:

1. A hockey game is on the television. He switches it to basketball. (Whoa, dude, at least wait until intermission!)

2. He doesn’t even like sports.

3. He tries to talk to you during a game. (Babe, there’s a game on. Shut up and get me another beer.)

4. Your team loses, and he tries to comfort you with a sympathetic smile, but you know that HE JUST DOESN’T GET IT! He is merely placating you, and his sympathy means nothing! You know that deep down he thinks you’re crazy. Grunt and make him get you another beer.

5. He thinks the Panthers are from Carolina and the Kings are from Sacramento.

6. He can name only one hockey player: Wayne Gretzky

7. He sees the name “Jonathan Toews” and pronounces it “Jonathan Toes.”

8. He doesn’t understand why date night can’t interfere with game night. Unless he’s taking you to a sports bar.

If you find yourself caught in one of these relationships, what can you do? Well, you can always run, fast as you can. But our hearts are temperamental, and they want what they want. It’s hard enough that my boyfriend and I don’t like the same teams. I loathe the idea of reverting to a non-hockey-loving mate. Shoot pucks at my head all day – it would hurt less. Give me a hockey fan or give me death! Or singlehood, whichever is less dramatic.

Sometimes we can’t walk away from our men and find ourselves having to endure. Here are some ways to cope:

1. Find online communities on places like Facebook and Twitter. You can talk hockey all day long there, criticism-free (unless it’s in regards to a specific team or player, of course). Just don’t be surprised when your significant other gets jealous of all the guys you bond with over your favorite team. Maybe he should man up…

2. Have kids and raise them to love hockey. It worked for me. I always have at least two dates for any given game. It does get expensive, though, and I always have to foot the bill. I am fairly certain that my boys should have been employed a long time ago, at the ripe ol’ age of seven! Lazy…

3. Get tickets to a game. A smart guy won’t let his girl go off alone to a sporting event. If your man is dumb enough not to escort you, make sure to rock your jersey to show him how foolish he is and how desirable you are. Love takes sacrifice. He should be willing to do things with you that make you happy.

4. Stock your fridge with beer. Hopefully you’ll have a good buzz going by second intermission and will forget that your boyfriend wasn’t man enough to watch a game with you. (Be careful. Too many beers make fat bellies. Maybe you should lose weight before the season begins to compensate for the inevitable weight gain. Maybe when I say “you” I really mean “me.”)

5. Go to a local sports bar alone and ask them to turn on the game. You might feel a little intimidated or silly going on your own, but you never know who you’ll meet. During the Kings playoff run last year, I was known as the hockey girl at one local restaurant. I met other fans and was never bothered about sitting there for three hours with only a pitcher of beer and a plate of nachos on my tab. Plus, their screen was much bigger than mine. Mostly because I don’t have cable and watch games on my laptop.

Those six-inch heels on your feet look dang cute, so don’t let yourself forget that you can look sexy, drink like a man, and cheer loudly as your team’s defenseman pummels the other guy into the boards. Or maybe you’re at home in sweats, rooting from the warmth of your couch. Your passion only adds to your beauty!

If your man doesn’t appreciate you, find one that does. Unless you’re married…then you should probably just agree to disagree and/or get counseling. But know that you are right. If it’s a matter of hockey or not, hockey is always the answer.

If your guy loves you, he will find ways to support your love of hockey. And you are woman enough that you deserve nothing less.