Courtesy of Letters from a Nut — an often hilarious collection of “prank” correspondence, written in the mid-90s by comedian Barry Marder to a selection of unsuspecting recipients — comes a letter in which, under his pseudonym Ted L. Nancy, he asks a sensitive question of one Albert Meyer, then-President of the American Seating Company. To his credit, Meyer even manages to respond with a solution of sorts.

Transcript follows.

Transcript

Ted L. Nancy

560 N. Moorpark Rd., #236

Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

July 10th, 1995

MR. ALBERT H. MEYER, PRESIDENT

AMERICAN SEATING COMPANY

901 Broadway

Grand Rapids, Michigan

49504

Dear Mr. Meyer:

I had a seating question and I was referred to you because I understand you manufacture stadium and arena seating. My question:

When entering or exiting a seat in a stadium which is the proper side to face the person sitting down? Rear to them or crotch to them?

I am always at a quandry when this problem comes up. To hence: last week at a sporting event I had to leave my seat. There were a row of people – ALL FROM THE SAME FAMILY – that were sitting down in a row. I exited my seat, stood up and faced away from this family. Then I moved down the row realizing my buttocks were not 2 inches from this whole guy’s family. I had shown an entire family my rear end! But then again If I had turned around and moved down the aisle THAT WAY, wouldn’t that be worse?

Stadium seating is the only situation in life where you can show whole rows of people your butt or crotch. And it’s acceptable!

Can something be done about this seating? Should the rows be changed? I suggest a single row straight up to the top. You walk into the stadium you simply find your seat number and go up until you get it.

Question: Is there a gracious way to exit?

Thank you, Sir, for your response.

(Signed)

Ted L. Nancy