Capt. Jonathan: Stardate: [This Stardate Has Already Been Purchased] Yep, an early Ferengi episode. And maybe one of their best? “The Battle” is basically Picard’s Wrath of Khan, but with less-cool facial expressions.

I’d even go so far as to say, much like Khan is the best (or at least in the top 3) TREK film, “The Battle” is the best episode of TNG’s kind of lackluster first season. It does a great job of showing us that the real enemy out there is our Pasts, and the worst any alien can do is bring that shit back up.

Of course, one Ferengi realizes this, and makes Picard relive the “battle” or “2-second removal of space debris” (depending on who you ask) that occurred nine years ago at Maxia – a place where Picard’s old ship, the Stargazer, kinda sorta blew a Ferengi ship to smithereens. See the Khan connection there?

The Ferengi doesn’t quite use the Solange Maneuver, but he does use a mind control device that causes Picard to have severe headaches, which, apparently, in the future, no one gets anymore. The plan fails, though, when Picard finally realizes he’s under mind control and the other Ferengi basically arrest the Ferengi in charge of this whole ploy for – heh – investing in an unprofitable venture.

Capt. Tracy: I liked that the Ferengi Brain Ball was used as a tool to rewrite history. I thought it was pretty insightful–and also poignant–that the Ferengi remember the Picard Maneuver or Pulling a Picard, or whatever the Federation terms JLP’s blowing their shop out of the sky by “being in two places at once” as a tragic battle. It highlighted how limited our perspective is when only the winners are allowed to write the histories. The Ferengi remember things differently, and in a genius literalization of the postmodern idea that all history is text, they decide to rewrite the book, both literally (Captain’s Log forging) and phenomenologically (they trick JLP into reenacting the incident). And it’s all fairly easy.

Capt. Jonathan: TREK really succeeds when it questions the legitimacy of Starfleet’s actions. It becomes something Ancient Greek at that point, with sweeping backstories and, sometimes, plot arcs that go through several episodes and/or films. I love Roddenberry’s optimistic vision for the future, but what some of the post-TOS episodes show us is that critique is so essential to the realization of optimism. Which, what a message, right? The idea that being critical of something = one’s investment in that thing actually being good?

Capt. Tracy: This episode does a nifty dance, or “battle” (see what I did there?) between proving the history as text idea and critiquing it. Sort of like the dance Wesley does between being endearing and being annoying.

Capt. Jonathan: Oh yeah, Wesley was in this episode.

Capt. Tracy: I was also a bit confused, though, as to why, if no one gets headaches anymore, JLP was so quick to diagnose and describe his malady. Wouldn’t it be like having the ague now? Or trench foot?

Capt. Jonathan: All in all, “The Battle” is a fantastic episode that truly foreshadows the outstanding, three-dimensional characters and inner demons that would be brought out more in later episodes.

Capt. Tracy: I really responded to “Battle” because I also get headaches and need to lie down on my big square pillow in the middle of the day. Not really. Well, I do, but that’s not the most salient aspect of the episode.

Capt. Jonathan: Yeah, why is it that Picard’s pillows are all rectangular prism-shaped?

And now, a little Q&A:

Capt. Jonathan: Q: What’s the best new trick to use in bed?

A: The Picard Maneuver.

Capt. Tracy: Q: Did you just give me permission to sleep with Patrick Stewart?

A: