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If you ever want to see a perfect totem to the most obscene limits of government apathy, ask the nearest Albertan to show it to you.

They will proceed to gingerly withdraw a shapeless rag of battered wood fibers from their wallet. If the object still retains any legible text, it will read “Alberta Personal Health Card.”

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The Albertan comes from a magical place of bountiful wealth, technical acumen and government largesse. And yet, one of their most critical government documents – a document they are expected to carry at all times — remains stubbornly rooted in the Apollo era.

Despite its alleged status as a “card,” the Alberta Personal Health Card is not even printed on cardstock. Rather, it arrives as a piece of regular paper emblazoned with the Quixotic plea to “please protect your card.”

If the card owner manages to secure a lamination machine, they’ll find that the finished product doesn’t fit in their wallet. If they slip the card inside a protective sleeve, they’ll find that friction quickly causes the ink to be lifted off.