I recently took some time away from writing to just… breathe.

A beloved family member is in the process of passing away. So I had to take the time to let him know how much I love him. And to help the family prepare.

But I wasn’t writing much even before that. Because it finally hit me that there’s not a thing we can do about Trump. Or, rather, there’s not a thing anyone with the power to do something is willing to do.

And it’s not even all Trump’s fault. He’s just the fly in the ointment. The turd in the punch bowl. Congress’ weird reaction to that tells us where we are as a country right now.

I can’t tell if they just don’t know what to do, or if they’re so shell shocked by his strange behavior, the relentlessness of it, that they can’t think straight. And the citizens egging him on? That’s a symptom of something, too.

How angry/sad/frustrated/disappointed/hopeless do you have to be to actually encourage a president behave this way?

I mean, one day, he’s making painstakingly scripted speeches to console a grieving nation and the next he’s lobbing paper towels at hurricane victims in Puerto Rico like he’s shooting a little hoop with “the boys.” After admonishing said victims for putting a little “dent” in his budget, as if they were to blame for the killer hurricane that devastated their entire island. As if he weren’t the man to whom they were supposed to turn for assistance.

I just don’t know anymore. We’ve got a commander in chief who behaves like a truculent child and who also apparently slept through civics, social studies, American history… every subject that might have prepared him at least marginally for the job. And who is still mostly out to get Obama back for embarrassing him in public once.

Today he rolled back the Obama era health care rule which made it illegal for companies to use their religious beliefs as an excuse to deny birth control coverage to female employees. Does he really care about “religious rights?” No more than he really cared about all those passages from Scripture that his speech writer sprinkled into all those artfully “staged” speeches.

Today’s roll back is almost an after-thought. His drama “fix” for the day. Like his tweet torrents. Loves the hissy fits. And doesn’t give a damn how ridiculous he looks at home or abroad.

It’s all personal. Fits of pique. Hasn’t gotten a damned thing done save by executive order and Twitter tantrums, and some of those edicts have been reversed by the courts.

But he plods on. Spitting venom. Demanding undeserved allegiances. Doubling down. Dumbing us, numbing us down.

And nobody’s going to do a damned thing about it. No, really — quit waiting for Mueller and all the other “investigations.” NOTHING IS GOING TO COME OF ANY OF IT. We’re stuck with this man for three more years.

And I’m not mad at you if you’re tired. If you just want to take a breather like I did. It’s not good emotionally or physically to be in a constant state of confusion or consternation. Or to feel hopeless 24/7.

I’m truly terrified to think about what this country will be like three years from now. That is the only reason I’m still trying at all. I love my country soooo much. And I don’t want it to go out like this.

I’ve got a friend running for state government. She already won once. I’m going to help her do it again. Got some other things, some other volunteering I want to do, too. Just to help some people in need while we’re waiting for justice to be done.

I couldn’t stay on the sidelines. America has just had a horrible, heart-rending experience. Which began with some incredible people showing us just how amazing and indomitable America still is, even literally under fire.

We can make miracles when we have to. Las Vegas showed me that.

So I had to come back, if only to feel worthy of living in a country where some people — everyday people — will step up and do what needs to be done. Even lay down their lives for other people, when the unthinkable happens.

Our politicians should take a lesson from that.

I’m sure as hell going to.

This post first appeared on Medium.