Voices: Why I decided to buy a handgun

Trevor Hughes | USA TODAY

After months of soul-searching, I’ve decided to buy a handgun.

It’s not a decision to which I’ve come lightly. At least one co-worker came near to tears as she tried to dissuade me. But after a horrendous year of violence across the country, I’m left with the undeniable feeling that I ought to do something different. I’m no longer willing to wait for the government to protect me all of the time. As a former Vermonter and Boy Scout, I just can’t escape the feeling that I need to take more responsibility for my own safety.

Here’s the thing: more than almost anyone, I know the devastation handguns can cause. As a journalist who has covered many mass shootings, I’ve watched families ripped apart by death. I’ve seen entire communities shattered because some jerk who couldn’t control himself decided to take out his anger on the world with a weapon.

I also know I’m not the only one struggling with this decision. Gun shops across our country are reporting a surge in sales. And it’s a sad fact that gun sales go up after a shooting or a terrorist attack.

I have no illusions that I’m going to be the proverbial good guy with a gun. And even worse, I know the statistics that show I’m at risk, as a middle-age white man living in Colorado, of using the gun to kill myself.

I recognize that my decision doesn't make the best logical sense. My head knows that. On the other hand, we humans are emotional creatures, and this decision helps me feel better. Perhaps there's just some comfort in feeling like I'm taking action, even if all the statistics tell me I might actually just be making the problem worse

But.

What else should I do? Our politicians have demonstrated they aren’t actually serious about reducing gun violence in America. I mean, while we accept that car crashes kill about 30,000 people annually, at least there’s a serious effort underway to reduce that number. And at the same time, there does appear to be an actual belief around the world and in our own country that Americans are a soft target.

I’ve never fired a handgun. And I hope to God I never fire mine in anger. The men and women we pay to carry guns and protect us rarely do it, and those that do often miss, or accidentally shoot their colleagues or innocent bystanders during the confusion of a gunbattle.

It’s those innocent bystanders that have me worried. I’ve been in Aurora, in Roseburg, in Killeen. Time and time again, mass murderers have targeted groups that were unprepared to fight back. Soft targets. What a terrible phrase.

For me, like for many people I’ve talked to, San Bernardino was the tipping point. As someone who goes to lots of community meetings and rallies, I’m all too aware of how vulnerable we are. A holiday party? Your co-workers? (For me, it started with movie theaters.) I’m not a fan of waiting for the next attack from a religious terrorist.

That’s got me thinking about that famous quote from Teddy Roosevelt: "Speak softly and carry a big stick.”

You don’t have to use that stick. In fact, plan on not using it. But if me carrying a concealed weapon — just like millions of my responsible neighbors in this country — deters someone from attacking my friends and neighbors, maybe that’s worth it. You don’t see terror attacks in this country on areas where there’s lots of armed men and women. Instead, it’s those soft targets that get hit. Maybe it’s time we made sure our enemies, both foreign and domestic, understand that we shoot back.

I’m starting to feel like a soft target. I don’t like feeling like a soft target. And once again, I’m left with this idea that an armed society ends up being a very polite society — and one that’s highly resistant to attack.

Hughes is a Denver-based correspondent for USA TODAY who has covered numerous mass shootings.