Over the weekend, members of the Satanic Temple’s Detroit chapter showed up to counter anti-abortion protests outside of Planned Parenthood facilities, at one point dumping gallons of milk over the heads of participants. Glenn Beck took some time to analyze this milk protest on his radio show today, telling his audience that he was positive there was some hidden but extremely important spiritual significance to the act.

“I’ll bet you there is an ancient Moloch ritual that includes using milk like that,” Beck said. “I’ll bet you that has significance … I’ll bet you there is an ancient ritualistic evil reason they used milk.”

Beck was so confident about this, in fact, that he had his staff get in touch with Rabbi Daniel Lapin so that he could call into the program to confirm Beck’s suspicion. But while Lapin is generally a reliable source for validating and promoting the sort of quasi-spiritual nonsense that Beck loves, today he wasn’t quite capable of meeting Beck’s needs, despite his best efforts.

While telling Beck that his “instincts are, once again, spot on,” Lapin basically spent the next several minutes just rambling incoherently about Occupy Wall Street, anal sex, and the fact that God “implanted in us a perverse and strange yearning to, in fact, seek death.”

“The very first connection with life is the substance called milk,” Lapin said, “so there is something rather brilliantly perverse about the Satanists choosing the substance. And I think whether they were consciously aware of this or not, I think everybody who reads about it gets a sort of sudden shock and thrill at seeing this bizarre juxtaposition where they’re basically saying, ‘Get out of here your pro-lifers, we want Planned Parenthood to continue dismembering tiny human beings’ and the substance they use is exactly the substance that tiny human beings live on!”