So, Justin Trudeau. What is up with that?

Tim, by email

What indeed, Tim, what indeed. Perhaps some of you are reading this and saying: “Er, he is the prime minister of Canada – next question!” Bless your hearts, readers who have more to do with their time than read the growing number of obsessive blogs about the prime minister of Canada. You people are my daily inspiration if, at this point in my life, still just an aspiration.

Anyway – the prime minister of Canada! I’m sorry, I may need to repeat that a few more times in order for it to sink in that I am about to write a style column about, of all things, the prime minister of Canada. Quite a turn of events for an American lady, considering a large part of my country’s identity has been built on treating Canada like our embarrassing, nerdy sibling, who we alternately bully and ignore. And now we have grown up to find that we’re living in a house run by a racist, orange idiot and we would really like to move into that nice, wholesome log cabin in the woods with our sibling, if only they’d take us – please? Please? Ah well, as that sage of the 90s (and early 00s) Ronan Keating so wisely put it, life is a rollercoaster. Or as the millennials put it on social media now, life comes at you fast.

So, this is where we are now, with Trudeau being today’s geopolitical pin-up. It’s hard to think of a politician more made for this age than our Justin, the Disney prince made flesh: he’s part of a political dynasty (very 21st century, that); he loves to pose for selfies in wildly diverse places (topless outside caves, in Ottawa with Obama); he knows the value of a viral photo of him Doing Stuff (press-ups, yoga); he has a really embarrassing tattoo that he probably regrets. He seems, in short, like a decent, liberal guy, the kind your college roommate dated and you stayed Facebook friends with for decades after, allowing you to follow his career in ethical banking.

But even all this would not be enough to explain the flurry of interest around Justin were it not for the fact that he is – For a Politician (Fap) – quite handsome. There it is. That acronym is clearly key to what is going on here: he seems pretty smart and straight down the line Fap. He dresses OK Fap. (That’s right, I’m reclaiming the word “fap”. Consider it my new cause.)

Scoring highly Fap gets you remarkably far if you are a politician. I wouldn’t have looked twice at JFK on the street – too preppy – but I can see that he looked better than the average American politician at the time (ie, sweaty Richard Milhous Nixon). The only genuinely attractive politician in the history of the world is Barack Obama, because he is clearly so cool.

“Cool” is not a word anyone would apply to Trudeau. I do enjoy how he tweets bilingually, and his masterly handling of Trump’s handshake suggests heretofore hidden depths. But until about three years ago he was regarded in Canada – my senior Canada correspondents tell me – as a bit of an embarrassing airhead. Less JFK and more Dubya, really.

How times change (part two). The current Trudeau internet meme involves photos of various women, including Kate Middleton, Ivanka Trump, Angela Merkel and Emma Watson, gazing at him with full Bambi eyes. Now, we can expend an enormous amount of Guardian-ish energy – powered by the combustion of lentils and quinoa – debating the feminist wrongs of suggesting intelligent women are reduced to eyelash-fluttering groupies in the presence of a good-looking man. But I just can’t work up the outrage (maybe I need more lentils). While I can see why Merkel, Watson and Middleton might be a little annoyed at the suggestion they can’t control themselves around Trudeau while they’re working, I have a little less sympathy for Ivanka, who was widely mocked after photos of her were released apparently staring at Trudeau during a roundtable discussion about women in the workplace. Given that she was only in this workplace – as she has always only been at any workplace – because of her dad, and her much-vaunted brilliant idea about childcare is that the massively rich should get tax breaks on their nanny, I can’t help but feel that being photographed looking at the PM of Canada is the least of the things she should feel embarrassed about, but probably doesn’t. But I can’t bear to write about her for a third week in a row in this column, so let’s just leave it there.

The truth is, no one thinks Merkel et al have the hots for Trudeau. This meme is just a reflection of how the public is assumed to do so, which is a fairly sad commentary on how desperate so many of us are for someone in politics who doesn’t look and behave like a Batman villain (ruling out the entire Trump administration) and who seems like they have half a clue and moral compass (ruling out most British politicians). If people are deifying a man who looks like a fairytale prince, it’s because they’re hoping to be saved in time for a happy ending. And this task has fallen to ... Canada. And OK, so, as superheroes go, Trudeau really only looks like one Fap. But in this age, Fap is pretty much as good as we got. Save us, Canada.

Post your questions to Hadley Freeman, Ask Hadley, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Email ask.hadley@theguardian.com