Skiles Walkway has always been a goldmine for campus organizations looking to garner support. With it’s bottleneck design, it’s the perfect spot to trap unsuspecting introverts into taking a handout about your cause. This phenomenon was proved Monday morning as sleepy eyes dodged flyers from GT Motorsports, The Jiu-Jitsu Student Union, and even Coach Paul Johnson himself.

Sources say Coach Johnson was “visibly sweaty” as he “profusely begged anybody who would listen” to join the Brave and Bold. Offering anything from Buzzfunds to his parking space, there didn’t seem to be a price too unreasonable or a student too under qualified for a walk-on starting spot on the team.

“I just remember him saying ‘Please please for the love of God, we need you!!’,” recalled freshman Jennifer North. “I ultimately decided to be Defensive Back for 500 dining dollars and a priority spot at the post office,” said the 114 pound, 5′ 3″ girl.

Johnson was last seen cackling to himself holding a VHS copy of the classic “D2: The Mighty Ducks” and mumbling to himself how he’d “whip this ragtag team into champions.”