Merry Andrew

1 Reply

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.



The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'



Donald frowned and said, 'No.'



Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.



'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled one out fromunder the counter and gave it to Donald.



The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put that on your bill?



'No!' Donald quacked, 'What kind of a pervert do you think I am?' 2 Replies

msolga

1 Reply @Merry Andrew,

0 Replies

MontereyJack

1 Reply yay, I thought this thread had disappeared with the a2k makeover. glad to see bad taste is still timeless. 0 Replies

Merry Andrew

2 Reply An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.



'Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.'



'But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?'



'Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business. You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos'...



'Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then....... pointa to your watch and say 'Times up'!???' 1 Reply

Merry Andrew

3 Reply



A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her

Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book

without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said

'If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born,

without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until

your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first ?'



The Englishman piped up. 'B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham', he said.



'That's no use, Trevor' said the speech therapist, 'Who's next ?'



The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out 'P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley'.



'That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish. How

about you, Paddy ?'



The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out ' London '.



'Brilliant, Paddy' said the speech therapist and immediately set about

living up to her promise.



After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for

breath and Paddy said '-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry'. 0 Replies

edgarblythe

3 Reply 0 Replies

Region Philbis

1 Reply



Q: what's bright eyed and bushy tailed?













A: a squirrel on crack...









0 Replies

nimh

1 Reply @Merry Andrew,

He's got a point. He's got a point. 0 Replies

MontereyJack

1 Reply What's blue and smells like red paint?











(wait, it's coming...)













Blue paint 1 Reply

CowDoc

1 Reply @MontereyJack,

As long as it's the season.............



What's black and goes "Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,!"?



















....a pimp taking inventory. As long as it's the season.............What's black and goes "Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,!"?....a pimp taking inventory. 1 Reply

JLNobody

1 Reply Two flies are sitting on a pile of dung, one farts and the other cries out indignantly: Do you mind? I'm trying to eat. 0 Replies

dadpad

1 Reply whats long, brown and sticky.









A stick 0 Replies

lovejoy

3 Reply penguin goes into a pub hops up on the bar and says to the barman, has my dad been in tonight? the barman says I dont know him what does he look like 1 Reply

lovejoy

2 Reply a duck goes in a pub and hops up onto the bar and says to the barman



got any bread?

barman says we don't sell bread

duck says, got any bread?

barman says I just told you we don't sell bread

duck says got any bread?

barman says WE DON'T SELL FECKIN BREAD and if you ask me again I'll nail your feckin feet to the bar

duck says have you got any nails?

barman says no

duck says have you got any bread then? 0 Replies

dagmaraka

1 Reply @lovejoy,

An American, German, and a Slovak get captured by canibals after their plane crashed into the ocean and everyone else died.

They are rounded up by the tribe and the chief tells them:



- According to our tradition, you will be given two days to save your life. I will give you these two small glass balls each and if you can do something I have never seen before with them, your life will be spared. Otherwise, we will eat you.



With that, they walk each of them to a tent and leave them there. Two days later, the chief goes to the American. The American has taught the balls to levitate. Wherever he moves, they fly behind him.



-I've seen this a million times!



And they cook him and eat him for lunch.



Then he goes to the German's tent. The balls are jumping up and down, powering a crude clock.



- This is old. And boring!



And they roast him on fire and eat him for dinner.



The the chief then goes to the Slovak's tent. In a few seconds, he runs out screaming:



- I have NEVER seen such thing! He broke one ball and lost the other one!!! An American, German, and a Slovak get captured by canibals after their plane crashed into the ocean and everyone else died.They are rounded up by the tribe and the chief tells them:- According to our tradition, you will be given two days to save your life. I will give you these two small glass balls each and if you can do something I have never seen before with them, your life will be spared. Otherwise, we will eat you.With that, they walk each of them to a tent and leave them there. Two days later, the chief goes to the American. The American has taught the balls to levitate. Wherever he moves, they fly behind him.-I've seen this a million times!And they cook him and eat him for lunch.Then he goes to the German's tent. The balls are jumping up and down, powering a crude clock.- This is old. And boring!And they roast him on fire and eat him for dinner.The the chief then goes to the Slovak's tent. In a few seconds, he runs out screaming:- I have NEVER seen such thing! He broke one ball and lost the other one!!! 0 Replies

JLNobody

1 Reply @CowDoc,

What's black or white, or yellow, or brown or red and goes ho, ho, ho, ho, h0?



A pimp taking inventory What's black or white, or yellow, or brown or red and goes ho, ho, ho, ho, h0?A pimp taking inventory 0 Replies

devriesj

1 Reply @Merry Andrew,

Guy walks into a bar ...

















... and says "OW!"

(Yep, it's really bad!) Guy walks into a bar ...... and says "OW!"(Yep, it's really bad!) 1 Reply

Merry Andrew

1 Reply @devriesj,

That's just a new version of the old blonde joke:

Two blondes walk into the Empire State Building.













Well, you'd think one of them would've seen it. That's just a new version of the old blonde joke:Two blondes walk into the Empire State Building.Well, you'd think one of them would've seen it. 0 Replies

Merry Andrew

1 Reply A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.



For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tiptoe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!



The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season football tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'



Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?



The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.'

1 Reply