It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!

Elris – Jackpot

Just more of that shouty nonsense everybody is doing now. Remember when girl groups used to sing?

Lim Kim – Mong

Ew. This is too much of a mania level it’s too idol-like. The colour is too strong. Don’t you know what mass appeal means? YouTube is mass appeal since everyone watches it but your choice was a failure.

Chungha – Everybody Has

Just another super-generic ballad like the 50 that are released each week in Korea.

AleXa – A.I Trooper

Alexa can don all the tribal spacesuits and do all the jumping around she wants, this is still just the typical yolo stuff we’ve all heard before.

UNVS – Timeless

Here’s how not to do a synth countermelody in the chorus of a k-pop song.

MCND – Ice Age

I guess this is the boy version of the shouty girl song. It actually works a little better for them.

D1Verse – Monster

I’m not sure why this one is blowing up in Vietnam but it’s alright.

Ab6ix (Lee Daehwi) – Rose, Scent, Kiss

Ab6ix have a crack at outdoing the random silliness of Loona’s “So What” intro, it’s honestly worth watching just for that.

Xenex – It’s Gonna Hurt

Accurate song title of the week.

As One – February 29th

There’s two Korean groups called As One and I always forget who is who.

KARD – Enemy

Personally, I would have beaten the choreographer for that routine. What is that? That’s a cool song. Why would anyone choreograph that kind of dance to such a cool part?

Yeeun Ahn – Kakotopia

If you’ve ever wondered what happens to old photocopiers once your workplace decommissions them, they get sold to Yeeun Ahn so she can photocopy her ass.

Jambinai – Onda

Okay so Jambinai are still as much of a one-trick pony as they ever were, but it’s a good trick and I could watch the pony do it all day.

Sohlhee – Lady

I love it how SM gotta have the logo in the entire fucking video just to remind you that they actually make stuff that doesn’t sound like EXO and Red Velvet.

Chai ft. Saay – Gimme That

Don’t let a trivial barrier like not having a pee-pee stop you from being as much of a fuccboi as Jay Park. Live your dreams, girls.

Janet Suhh – Morning

Do they deliberately pick the wrong beats for the vocal meter because they think this mess sounds good, or do they just really not know what they’re doing.

Sung Ah – I’ll Set You Free

Amplifier confirmed doesn’t go to 11.

So Hee Song – Moon Halo

I haven’t updated my index in a while just because finding pictures that fit the format is becoming difficult. Let’s get Chuseok started already so I can get back up to date.

Planned By Them – Daily Gradation

If you’ve never set up a small stage before this video could be legit useful.

Gaeko ft. Heize – Cold

It feels like going backwards alright.

Ravi ft. Paloalto – Rockstar

Who combines this kind of idol music with band music? It sucks.

Bizzy ft. Feat. Illson a.k.a Double K – Celebrate

Not sure about that label name but I guess FeelGmedicoreMusic doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

Junoflo ft. Manila Grey – Distance

I was bummed because the last Junoflo song was actually good – he came to Adelaide recently and I missed him due to personal stuff, so I felt bad. I feel better now that he’s put out this song and it sucks, thanks Junoflo!

Truly – Rosera Amadeus

A reasonably good song and she even looks great, this is the best song and video I’ve seen in a while from someone with a name this unwebsearchable.

Artlover – Heart Of Stone

Did you know that some artists and labels actually love roundup? Artlover’s company is super-brave and reaches out to Kpopalypse specifically asking for coverage each time she has something new out, gotta hand it to them for fearlessness and being good sports especially given how much annoying hard Autotune is in this. However that chorus is pretty good and makes up the shortfall – plus it’s honestly a pleasure to hear from pop companies with actual songs to promote especially given how much stuff I get is just worthless SEO spam and people wanting to do weird advertising deals even though my advertising policy specifically tells them to get fucked.

Meenoi – Something In My

Nothing amazing but it reminds me of the Lim Kim song earlier except less grating.

Goopy – Stay

Look at that toast, in the frypan, seriously? Talk about no culinary skills. I know you’re trying to be all punk and stuff but even my crust-punk friends who only wear 15 year old op-shop denim and Crass t-shirts that are 50% holes know how to use a toaster.

Badroom ft. Josef Lee – We Used To Do

Send this one back to the naughty corner.

Khakii ft. Paloalto, Bryn, Sokodomo – Lazy Remix

A very rare case in Korean rap music where the female’s part is actually by far the weakest, this almost never happens. In fact I can’t even think of another example in k-pop of this ever happening. Lose the fucking Autotune Bryn, didn’t getting on my worst list last year teach you anything?

Zhoumi ft. Kun, Xiaojun – I’ll Be There

You wanna know something cute? SM teaches you everything from every gesture to every move. There will be someone that teaches you the gestures and someone that doesn’t. They break down each person.

Yoyomi – Woo Zu Zu

Not actually her song originally, but I thought some Yoyomi at the end of roundup would be nice. She still looks great even when wearing grandma’s knitting dress.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Why did Yoyomi fall down in the studio?

Why do Koreans like pranks so much? Pranks belong in the same ideological box as bullying, pointless hierarchy, molka and insane amounts of corruption, all things which Korea pretends to hate but secretly loves (because if they didn’t love it, why is there so much of it). It’s all the same shit at the end of the day, all about exercising power over another person and being a cruel asshole for no reason other than its own sake. Korea should just legalise BDSM brothels and be done with it, then these people could get out their desires to shit on others in a safe controlled environment without actually hurting anybody for real and the instances of all the above in the real world would probably go way down, and social cohesion in general would go way up. Of course they’ll never do that because that would involve Koreans being honest with themselves and everyone else about how fucked in the head their culture is, and honesty is another thing they hate. In the meantime we have to watch someone play some weird ghost prank on Yoyomi that I don’t understand the point of even after watching it a bunch of times. At least she looks good in that dress.

That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!