First Choice:

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poky is a good cactus. technically their name is Seward but they don't really know that. they just want to be a good cactus, make people happy, have sunlight and water. they are naive and clumsy and poky.

Carnegias on the other hand, is stuck in this cactus with poky. He wanted to rule the world as an elder cactus god, but that didn't really work out and now he's stuck playing second fiddle to someone who doesn't have a clue. I mean, he isn't too mad at poky. How could he be mad. poky is just trying their hardest. And accidentally using Carnegias' powers in the process. Hopefully he can convince poky to help him take over the world. Or maybe poky will break him down first. Who knows!

Second Choice:

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You are Dr. Mackey, a Foundation Researcher still coming to grips with the fact that your experiments with antimemetics backfired, and now you're as incomprehensible as 055. You've stayed pretty calm throughout the whole debacle because the Foundation has prepared you for worse. But now you just want to go back to normal. You want to fade away from everyone. Just slip away into the forrest and get out of everyone's hair. Too bad the Foundation's pretty good at its job.

Also you don't have to write Mackey in second person… but you totally should.