By Jason Holmes

Senior Vice President, Holmes Aerodynamics

As the youngest Senior Vice President in Holmes Aerodynamics’ proud 54-year history, I’ve heard the whispers from coworkers when I walk down the hallways. I’ve seen the glares shot at me when my Mazda RX-7, an exact replica of Vin Diesel’s first car in The Fast And The Furious, drifts into the parking garage. And I’ve smelt the jealousy emanating from a bag of poop left outside my office door while I’m bumping Lil Wayne’s “A Milli” on repeat.

The entire office is busy dropping that other n-bomb that no one should be given a pass to say: nepotism.

But before my coworkers with their engineering degrees “get it twisted”, let’s face facts: if it weren’t for nepotism, then there’s no way I would be in the aerodynamics industry. And how is that fair to me? Why should the only people in executive positions at this company be the ones who have worked their entire lives for it? I don’t think Malcolm X or Ben Parker died fighting for equality just so that the only people in positions of power are the ones that are qualified to do the best job.

No thanks, not in my America. If the only options to get ahead in life are to work hard and pay my dues or to just suck off my parents’ teat for the rest of my life, well then you better get me some cookies, because I’m about to have a whole lot of dairy.

And to those of you mad at me, maybe you should instead redirect your anger at your parents for failing to build a successful business that you could inherit? Or perhaps you should take a long look in the mirror. Did you ever try to get adopted by some impotent billionaire? Or marry a lonely rich widow?

Let me tell you a little story about how I learned how to deal with adversity. When I was a young boy, I couldn’t beat Donkey Kong Country on Super Nintendo, and I cried and cried, like Diddy Kong trapped in a barrel just outside of Donkey Kong’s reach. After listening to this for five minutes, my dad put a hand on my shoulder and told me, “Jason, let’s go to Toys R Us and buy whatever will make you shut up .” Later that evening, after using my newly bought Game Genie to give me infinite Rhinos to beat the game, I finally beat the game.

But the real gift I got that day was the realization that my dad will always be there to solve my problems, as long as it stops my crying.