Preamble:

I wanted to write something more substantial than the classic Pro Tour Winners Report. I figured I could do better than that, and I had this piece mostly finished before the Pro Tour. I originally wanted to publish this piece on a MTG website, as it is more directed at a specifically Magic playing audience. Normally my Blog caters to a broader audience, using Magic as a platform. However, I went through a frustrating amount of attempts to see this published on various Magic:the Gathering content websites to no avail. If you are new to my Blog and writing style, I highly recommend starting off by reading “The Arnold Palmer” if you have time. Thanks for reading, here it is:

Opponents are People Too

A match of Magic: the Gathering is a sacred thing.

Playing a match of Magic is a privilege and should be held in a high regard. There are many tasks you and your opponent need to complete for a match to happen. Both of you have invested time and effort into learning how to play Magic, not to mention the countless hours planning, traveling, and potentially gathering cards to play in the tournament.

You just can’t play Magic without other people. People who, like you, are trying to experience all that Magic has to offer. An opponent is required to derive enjoyment out of Magic, and a mutual trade of sorts transpires between the two or more participants.

It was the second day of a Grand Prix. I was doing poorly, playing poorly, but I was trying to stay level-headed. During a conversation with a friend in the middle of the day, something they mentioned made me quite uncomfortable. I was a bit perturbed, but not only that, I found myself disappointed-not just in my friend but in myself and the community as a whole.

You see, my friend had been watching a feature match. According to them, “some rando” was playing against a known professional player. My friend proceeded to inform me about how this player had played unbelievable poorly. Not only that, but he continued his tirade about how this player was an “idiot” that couldn’t even sequence his lands and made incorrect plays every turn. My best guess of the point of the story was to explain to me that this person was undeserving, foolish, but yet still somehow won.

What really ignited an unknown anger within me was that this was not the first person to tell me a similar story that day. In retrospect, this was the third time that day that someone I had considered a friend bad mouthed their opponent, or another player to me. Is this commonplace? Certainly I’d been bombarded with bad beat stories before, but how frequently had I stood by as one of my peers belittled another behind their back?

A week later at the subsequent Grand Prix I was enjoying a meal with friends. Day one had been long, and I had been looking forward to relaxing and chowing down after a strenuous day of Magic. Everything was splendid, until halfway through our meal, one of my companions began relaying the dumb mistakes that their opponents had made. Not only that, but there was an implication that this opponent was stupid or idiotic. Apparently, we weren’t done there, as I suppose this story was a calling card for a few others to freely chime in about how brainless their opponents were. This was too much for me to handle while enjoying dinner, and I couldn’t help but think about the week prior where my friends actively behaved in this manner.

Notice that I’m now using the word companion. Who were these people? Do I actually associate with them: people I call friends? I should’ve said something, but I didn’t know what I could say. The week before, I also stood uncomfortably in silence when I should’ve been defending someone. How can I defend somebody I’ve never met?

This had me quite upset. I figured it that there must be more to this. People who I considered friends were being downright nasty. This rudeness was coupled with some ridiculous sense of entitlement. Worst of all, I had seemingly become completely desensitized to this belittlement and denigration of members of our community. I’m ashamed to say that I have been the perpetrator of this bad mouthing behavior in the past. Either way, it’s almost just as bad to be the neglectful bystander. After all, sometimes your opponent happens to be a close friend of mine, while my opponent happens to be a close friend of yours.

These stories came from my friends, people whom I respect, and enjoy being around. Are my friends bad people? No. But perhaps the issue lies with this community’s way of thinking,

Magic players see others make mistakes and it causes them to become uncomfortable that these errors happen. Particularly, they become annoyed when someone they perceive as inferior is doing better than they are in a tournament. Players often get carried away and disrespectful when commenting on other matches. They love to make comments on other matches. This is similar to the classic, “Guess what my idiot opponent did?”, but this does not only involve a simple degradation of somebody else’s abilities. No, we are supplanting ourselves into another player’s story. “Look how smart I am”, or “This person clearly doesn’t deserve this, I could have done better!” I’m sure I have done this at some point, and it’s embarrassing.

The issue comes down to the need players tend to feel in order to achieve self-validation. This validation is not only personal, but often social. You want to be held in high esteem by your peers. You want to win, of course, but you want people to know that you did. Wizards of the Coast and Magic promotes this way of thinking through their Hall of Fame; a mentality that is incredibly statistically driven. Different tournament circuits have adopted Top 25 rankings, and show them off to drive people to push themselves to the top. This of course is completely reasonable, and over the years MTG communities have accepted the status quo of counting up Top 8s and Pro Points as achievements. We are trained to acknowledge and recognize these successes from our players. This is good for building a community and establishing/incentivizing a repeat player base. On the other hand, statistical pursuits create a situation where people act in selfish manners.

In this statistically driven Magic world, when a player beats another player, we often associate that with verification that the winner is better. This means the loser can be incentivized to scratch, claw, and get dirty in order to protect their reputation. If they bad mouth well enough, they can potentially leave as the winner of the match, regardless of its actual outcome. You’ll shake their hand and say “good games”, but that sentiment should be retracted once you go and tell your friends about your misfortune, perhaps even throwing insults towards your opponent. You’ll vent about your opponent as a coping mechanism. You are trying to relieve yourself of the grief of losing to a lesser player. Maybe they are a lesser player, but they aren’t a lesser human. They don’t deserve this treatment.

We are selfish. Everyone wants validation so respect goes out the window, and it drives us to forget how to conduct ourselves like decent people. We hear these bad-mouthing stories and are drawn away from the act itself, since we are focused on the story and nonsensical hierarchy of ranking our player base. We forget that we are people playing this game and transform into animals fighting each other to be king. Why is it that one of Magic’s greatest features, the fact that David can slay Goliath, is seen as a flaw of the game?

The need for self-validation often manifests when players see others whom they consider worse than them achieving success. Why do people feel compelled to speak up about it in a negative fashion? They often disparage someone’s character and in the process step on their shoulders to do so. The frequency of this leads me to believe that people are actually feeling better about themselves after making such statements. Are most Magic players are just mean spirited and sore losers? I doubt it. This behavior is certainly due to the fact that this scrutiny of others has simply become accepted within the MTG world.

This acceptance has been ingrained into our thought process: I have rarely seen anybody speak up for those scrutinized by the, “Player X is so stupid I can’t believe he played so badly and won the GP still”. At least to my knowledge, I have never seen somebody speak against an individual for saying such things. We see these acts as normal, we understand them since it’s just another day and another someone trying to climb the totem pole. This is the root of the problem. If people become more aware of the damage they are dealing to the integrity of their opponents, not to mention the game itself, we could eliminate this behavior entirely.

Taking actions that are not only disrespectful, but create a barrier for entry in addition to discouraging other players is counterproductive. Remember, you need them as much as they need you. Not only that, but I find that sometimes people who are often complaining about their opponent will also complain about Wizards of the Coast, and the decisions they make regarding Magic. You can’t have it both ways; you can’t be disappointed in Wizards’s conduct when you are being harmful to the game yourself.

A world where this heinous behavior is acceptable in Magic is not a world where I can enjoy Magic. I can understand people getting frustrated after a match of Magic, it happens. But there are alternatives to bad-mouthing your opponent or somebody else’s after the fact. I came to the realization that this entire situation occurs from something most competitive Magic players take for granted. I want to remind everyone of something.

Opponents are people too.

There is a living, breathing human being on the other side of the table. They are there for similar reasons. Together, you create games of Magic. Both parties are required. Some people are better at the game than others. Some people play for different reasons. But without your opponent, you wouldn’t be able to play at all.

How do you think your opponent would feel if they heard that you went around to all of your friends telling them how lucky they were, or how poorly they played against you but still won. As if you are entitled to the win somehow?

A level of mutual respect must be set between you and your opponent.

Realize that everyone may not be as good as you. Not everyone will take the game as seriously or as lightheartedly as you might. You likely have at some point been the victim here and may not even have realized it. Mistakes happen. Players don’t seem to realize just how counterproductive and discourteous this behavior is. Telling a friend about a bad beat is just one of many ways that they subconsciously take blame off themselves, which transcends a simple lack of respect for your opponent.

You shouldn’t be allowed to insult your opponent after the fact, and certainly not be able to go about it with such a clean conscience. Just because you see others doing it, that doesn’t mean you should behave the same way.

Teachers don’t berate students who may have lower reading or math levels than others might.

Politicians don’t act against constituents who may or may not agree with them.

Coworkers can’t openly insult each other, they have a boss and a public relations department who ensure that they are a decent human being.

In Magic, there is no boss. There are no parents of students. There is no PR department. There are no citizens. Nobody is going to breathe down your neck to keep you in check. It’s our job to do that. Magic is a self-regulated club. As players, we need to adhere to our own rules in order to maintain the integrity of the game. There needn’t be any parameters on what constitutes positive behavior. If players can do or say what they want without thought or care as to whom they are degrading, we are throwing away the value of Magic as a game. A match will cease to be sacred.

I will admit that I have behaved this way before, but I’m looking to change my ways. Myself, and the MTG community could benefit from empathizing with our opponents. Before making a conscious decision to bad mouth your opponent behind their back, realize that their goals with playing Magic are most likely different from yours. They might not be the best player, and they probably know it. They might be trying to improve, or just be attempting to get into the Magic scene. Just because they did something apparently bad in your eyes, doesn’t necessarily mean it was bad at all. You have to make mistakes to improve. Some people may not even want to improve, and that should be completely acceptable. Magic is like Music in that sense; people’s tastes in Music are not under their control. They like what they like, and that’s that. You wouldn’t inform a parent of how poorly their child performed at a recital. What do you stand to gain by relaying this information? It should go without saying that some things should be left unsaid.

While there is certainly nothing wrong with deriving fulfilment through Magic by being the ultra-competitive type; there is everything wrong with manufacturing a sense of entitlement because you may be more committed than another individual. Perhaps somebody beat you that played sub-optimally. What’s the big deal? Turning it into a bad beat story and putting on a clinic of how to maliciously criticize a peer is not going to change the outcome. A better player most likely would have beaten you anyway; the circumstances of your loss don’t matter. You didn’t deserve a win any more than your opponent might have.

Other players’ goals, approach, and play is different from yours. It can be tough to understand where somebody else is coming from, especially if you lie on opposite ends of a spectrum. The simplest solution is not to try. Leave people with their own beliefs; don’t encroach into another’s worldview.

We all play magic for fun, but the more we dive into playing, sometimes the less fun it becomes. Take a step back from competition and remember the reason that you play. Look back to when you started to play Magic, how you developed as a player and how you learned to love the game. We all had been in similar spots, but often ended up taking it different routes. If you are parading around insulting your opponent’s careless play, or insulting prolific players who may have had miscues in their matches, then you are the most ignorant player of them all.

If you encounter this behavior, stand up for your fellow players. Make a stand for the game. Remember that this whole problem arises from a lack of empathy, and selfish pursuits. Be considerate of other players; refrain from blindly accepting the conduct of your friends when it comes to Magic. It’s our job to keep the game and the community in line.

It may be okay to bring up an opponent’s play, and it is likely to come up. Context is key. Recognize the line between banter and bullying. Think about what you are saying; remember that this is another person you are talking about after all.

People have their own reasons for what they do, Magic or otherwise. Your space to derive enjoyment from something is going to differ from somebody else. People will do things that you don’t understand. People will have beliefs or opinions that you can’t comprehend. If you go around stepping on their toes about it, not only are you stepping out of your comfort zone, but you are stepping onto somebody else’s. It won’t be pleasant for either party, and there is little to hope to accomplish when your thoughts are on different levels. Don’t be that person. Live and let live.

Thanks again for reading,

Steve Rubin

@RubinZoo

Draft videos: http://www.numotgaming.com/series/42-with-rubinzoo/

Blog: asymphonyofsnores.wordpress.com