Its a beautiful Wednesday evening. I’ve just huffed a half of cup of cleaning solution while furiously scrubbing the bathroom and after my streak of fume induced mania the high finally wore off. It was then I knew I needed to make dinner.

But what do you eat when you’ve spent the last two hours angry cleaning the house? Something easy, like the drunk you, or macaroni. Pair this with a salad and a cup of inconspicuous tea with bourbon so no one can try to send you to AA again.

How do you make this amazing pasta dish?

Get your pan nice and hot. Sweaty, even. Crush and chop your garlic and toss it into the pan . Take your tempeh and chop it well. Add to the pan along with your seasonings and brown. Add your tomatoes and stir frequently. Now cover that up like last nights leftover liner and lower the heat. Cook it for another 20 minutes.

Get your water ready to boil and salt it heavily. Cook your pasta as directed on the side of the box. If this step is hard for you, your parents failed you.

When the pasta is cooked take a spoonful of the pasta water and add it to your tempeh and tomatoes along with your basil and parsley. Toss this around like its Ryan Goslings salad. Mix your pasta with the 1/4 cup olive oil and the “meat sauce” and enjoy it alone. single. sexy. too full to move.