To celebrate Scotland Yard’s decision to stop stationing uniformed police outside the Ecuadorian embassy, where Julian Assange is still living and claiming asylum, Wikileaks have released Assange’s personal diary of his time in the embassy.

A spokesman for Wikileaks said:

“Julian is not happy about our release of his diary, but there’s not much he can do about it, and we have to be true to the spirit of Wikileaks. The truth should be known, no matter its source.”

The full diary can be read on the Wikileaks website, but we have here a portion of it:

– Woke up, had a cry, moaned about them bitches in Sweden, spent all day on twitter talking about myself in the third person, continued to grow beard to shorten amount of time I have to spend in the bathroom, had an almost consensual wank.

– Woke up, see yesterday for details, but add two hours of staring past the side of the curtain at the policemen outside.

– Didn’t bother waking up today. What’s the point? Everything’s done for me here. I don’t have to actually lift a finger.

– Had to wake up. Getting a little overwhelmed by all the farts. Shampooed the beard to get the smell out.

– Woke up. Spent the whole day wondering whether Benedict Cumberbatch would play me properly. I don’t think his head’s wide enough.

– Woke up in the middle of the night, realised I’d forgotten to release a load of files last year about alien abductions being secretly covered up by the American government. Ah well.

– Couldn’t sleep. Plagued by uncertainty. Should I just go to Sweden and face the charges? Nah.

– Stayed up all night playing Minesweeper on the laptop. If I don’t start getting some proper sleep I’m going to lose it.

– Shit, I can’t even remember what country’s embassy this is.

– I need some sleep.

– FORGODSSAKE I ONLY ASKED THEM TO GET ME SOME CIGARETTES! WHY WON’T THEY GET ME WHAT I WANT? I’M A HERO!

– I just slept for three days straight.

– There once was a man from Australia / Who really doesn’t want to go to jail, yeah? / He’s stuck in a room / Avoiding his doom / Those damn extraditions will kill ya.

– Oh Christ, the police they’re here! They’re here! Oh, it’s just Geoff from upstairs. Fucking hell, Geoff.

– Not much to report today. Spent a lot of time just staring in the mirror. I’m starting to look a bit like a malnourished lion.

For the rest of the Assange diary, visit the Wikileaks website.