Tonight, before I apply for my DACA renewal, I am writing this note because I am tired of sharing articles and photos on Facebook. I don’t have a lot of money to spare to donate to all of the nonprofits I’d like to, and I appreciate all of my friends who have done so. Instead, I’d like to share something else: my story and how it relates to DACA and this election.

Twice in the past week I’ve burst into tears in public spaces where tears are discouraged; seen as an aberrational release of emotions inappropriate for others to see. The reason is because I’ve felt so stressed regarding losing my DACA status; I acknowledge that deportation is probably unlikely.

So what exactly is DACA? It stands for Consideration of Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals. It is an executive action that President Obama signed in 2012 granting the children of undocumented immigrants a Social Security Number and a work permit. It opened up opportunities for the almost 2 million recipients — men and women who, through no fault of their own, were brought here as children illegally or who otherwise gained illegal status to join society.

Imagine what you would do if you were barred from applying for a job. My job gives me health insurance, a 401k, other benefits, and most importantly, enough money for food and shelter. Imagine that you’d lived here for most of your life and suddenly, at the age of 18 you were told that you couldn’t just go get a job like your other high school friends. At the age of 22, when your other friends are graduating college, you have mixed emotions because you’ve got the degree on the one hand, but it’s useless for you. Plenty of DACA recipients have college degrees and are not criminals — in fact, not having a criminal record in the first place is one of the eligibility requirements for getting DACA.

I was born in Australia, and I came to the United States when I was 10 years old. What many people don’t understand, as soon as I tell them that I have Australian citizenship, is that Australia is not my home. I’ve had a close friend tell me that my opportunities are better if I just move back. That is hurtful to hear. In a way, it’s unsurprising if you have been an American citizen your whole life (and are privileged). I was 1 year old (I can’t even say years) when my family left Australia, and we moved around from country to country before settling in the US. I grew up in a suburb of Chicago called Darien and almost all of my formative educational and social upbringing has been in this country. I have been here 17 years.

I consider myself American, no matter what my legal status is, and I will fight to be able to stay and work here.

One thing Trump has promised to do in his first 100 days in office is to repeal DACA — which could be easily done with an executive action, as it was created with one, and thus revoke the work authorization that 2 million DACA recipients have. There’s no Congressional action required to revoke DACA.

DACA was a breath of fresh air for someone like me, who could not work before I received DACA. From 2010–2012 I roamed around like a vagabond and worked off the books for my parents’ company for less than minimum wage. The stress of knowing that I would have graduated college with a degree but no job opportunity weighed heavily on me and caused several mental breakdowns.

Often American citizens wonder how I could be in the country for so long without getting citizenship. The immigration process is convoluted and horrible, and getting citizenship is an arduous process that takes many years, and usually requires attaining a green card first — which is the document that comes with permanent residency in the US.

There are two main ways most people attain a green card, either through marriage or through work. I’ve never married and I’ve never worked at a job before that would sponsor employees for a green card — I worked my way up from a year stint in customer service at Macy’s to various administrative assistant/customer support positions to finally a salaried job as a software tester. So getting a green card seems pretty unlikely for me at this point. I consulted an immigration lawyer yesterday who told me that the green card process, in addition to being long and painful if you are sponsored through an employer, involves the employer having to put out an ad for your position. If American citizens apply for the ad and are equally as qualified for the position, then it becomes harder to get a Department of Labor certification to grant your employer the ability to sponsor you. Unfortunately, while developers seem rare I’m not so sure that software testers are.

What are some other visa categories I could potentially switch to?

There is the E-3 working visa, which as an Australian national I have access to. The problem with this visa, at least according to the immigration lawyer, is that it requires non-immigrant intent. Many visas are categorized as non-immigrant visas. Being in the US for 17 years is a pretty big factor in immigration authorities considering me -not- to have non-immigrant intent. Some factors in favor of proving non-immigrant intent: having property in your country of citizenship, having your immediate family living there, having bank accounts there. I have none of the above.

There is the H1-B, the standard work visa issued to immigrants in technology jobs. Unfortunately, there are too many applicants for this visa and a small pool of visas. Essentially, this visa has become a lottery, which many lose. Companies are having trouble getting H1-Bs renewed. This doesn’t sound like a promising option.

There is the F-1 student visa, which I could potentially apply for if I went back to school. Unfortunately, this is also a non-immigrant visa.

It is difficult to transfer to any of these visas from DACA status, since technically it’s not really a visa status but more of a conferral of benefits and a promise to not deport the recipients.

So, I’m looking pretty screwed. My best chances are to apply for the renewal of my DACA status, and pray that Trump doesn’t rescind it with an executive action before it is approved. Of course there’s a 6-month long backup in processing times, which is helpful.

Going back to school would also be very helpful since immigrants with Master’s degrees and above are given higher priority when it comes to visa applications.

This is already pretty lengthy, but I just wanted to add how I got here in the first place. So I was 10 when my family entered the US legally on diplomatic visas. My dad’s not a diplomat, but he was a scientist, and that was enough apparently to get an A-1 diplomat visa and for us kids to get the A-2 dependent visa. Unfortunately, his contract ran out in 2007, so we became out of status visa overstays — a common way of becoming undocumented. In 2012, DACA was created and I was legally able to work again (side note: I already had a SSN since I was somehow able to get one on the diplomatic visa in order to work during high school and to get a license so I could drive).

Tonight I attended a civic hack night because, like many of you, I was wondering what the hell I could do that would actually be helpful. We came up with a project called Dear Dialogue — meant to facilitate letter-writing to loved ones who don’t understand how the Trump presidency impacts those who are not privileged. Check it out if you have bothered to read this far down.

As for me, I have two personal programming projects I’d like to start on, and a DACA application to renew. This is my letter.