My bokeh is smoother than yours.

Your bokeh may be buttery,

But my bokeh is like refined and clarified butter.

My bokeh is like the finest Ghee.

My bokeh is smoother than yours.

My inverted Puddle reflection shot is better than yours.

Mine features pigeons in the background,

Alongside a new york taxi –

And a cool lady with an umbrella.

My inverted Puddle reflection shot is better than yours.

My lens is sharper than yours.

Even at a large aperture,

My edge-to-edge sharpness

Goes beyond the edge and around the other side.

My lens is sharper than yours.

My camera bag is better than yours.

It is made from old lorry tarpaulin,

It can transform into a rucksack (and a tent)

And it takes pictures of itself and sends them to Japan Camera Hunter.

My camera bag is better than yours.

My camera is rarer than yours

My camera was made in small batches-

From Belgian adamantium-

By unknown female WWII SS agents (it says so on the engraving).

My camera is rarer than yours

My picture of a wrinkled old Asian woman is better than yours.

Yours is aged and wise,

But mine is aged, wise, and with a world-weariness that only she can portray-

And she’s missing more teeth, too.

My picture of a wrinkled old Asian woman is better than yours

My artistic nude is better than yours.

Granted, yours has a slightly edgy tattoo of some sort of skull on her shoulder,

But mine has larger breasts.

Plus she’s standing in a clearing near where I parked, looking all lost and stuff.

My artistic nude is better than yours.

My film is grainier than yours.

Your shots of a shed have a grainy raw feel,

Yet they don’t come close to the super heavy grain I’ve captured.

It makes my shot of a homeless guy look really gritty with an urban patina.

My film is grainier than yours.

My sunset shot is superior to yours.

Your Tokyo sunset does cast lovely shadows across the city

But my Croydon sunset has a silhouette of an old lady in it,

Sort of symbolizing the sun setting on her life and stuff.

My sunset shot is superior to yours.

My picture of poor but happy foreign kids is more real than yours

Your foreign kids are standing still and smiling,

But my foreign kids are running behind my taxi and laughing despite their poverty!

And I didn’t have to pay them much to do it.

My picture of poor but happy foreign kids is more real than yours.

My photography is better than yours.

Your photography is not bad,

But my photography gets more likes- I’ve counted them.

All from total strangers on social media. STRANGERS!

My photography is better than yours.

Anil Mistry is a creative director and photographer.

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