I’ve been intrigued by the Eriksen Family Seven-Layer Salad for a while now, so I thought I would figure out the recipe and share it with you. Please note that sharing this recipe does not mean that I created, served, or ate this mayo-tastic abomination of a salad!

Ingredients:

16 cups mayonnaise

Approx 4 cups each of:

Iceberg lettuce (or guacamole?)

Bacon bits (or ground beef?)

Shredded cheese (or carrots?)

Shredded cabbage

Funyuns

Gummi Bears

Potato chips

Instructions:

Begin with the lettuce as the bottom layer, and then add four delicious cups of mayo. Continue alternating food layers with mayo layers, and end with a generous potato chip layer at the very top. Voila! Enough salad to feed an entire family of giant Eriksens, and a complete meal in itself with vegetables, protein, dairy, salts, sugar, and fat. So much fat. So, so, so much fat.

The bottom layer is – I think – lettuce. If an endive salad isn’t American enough for this Minnesota family, I can’t imagine guacamole making the cut. Do they even sell guacamole in St. Cloud? I doubt it. Maybe avocados, but I can’t say for sure. The other questionable ingredients are the beef/bacon layer (could be something else altogether?), the carrot layer, and the cabbage layer. The rest I’m sure of because they were mentioned in the episode:

Mrs. Eriksen: Now that you’re going to be a Mrs. Eriksen, I’m going to let you in on a secret recipe. The Eriksen family seven-layer salad. Lily: Seven-layer salad? (Lily looks at recipe) Lily: Six cups of mayonnaise? That can’t be right. Mrs. Eriksen: Oh no, dear, sixteen cups. Lily: OK, I finished the Gummi Bear layer of the salad. What’s next? (Lily looks at recipe) Lily: Potato chips. (sigh)

Later on, Lily tells Marshall:

Because I don’t fit in here. I’m not eight feet tall and I don’t think you can call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it!

Be sure to serve the salad in a big, tall, clear container (vase? vat? idk) so everyone can drool over each upcoming layer. If you really want to surprise the fam, though, put it in an opaque container and let them guess at what’s coming next! That’s sure to add some extra fun to your evening.