“She didn’t deserve this to happen to her. Nobody deserves this shit and I can assure you I will never be that cavalier again. And that’s not pressure on me. It’s what I believe.”

Kurt Metzger revealed today that he talked to both the alleged rapist, and the alleged rape victim, and he 100% believes the victim.

If you were listening to SiriusXM’s Bennington Show today, you spent about 40 minutes listening to some of the most riveting, raw and intense talk radio you’ve ever heard. With every bit of intensity he put into his Facebook comments that got him in trouble last week, Metzger went on the air to offer deep apologies to the alleged victim, share personal confessions, and say that he’s had a profoundly life-changing experience. The hour of radio- more a monologue than a conversation- included intensely raw emotion, that included, anger, and shame, relief, contriteness, and all of it fascinating. He even talked about suicide, saying he nearly ‘murdered himself’ and if you listen, you’re not sure he’s off the ledge just yet.

Most of all Kurt wants everyone to know he was wrong- deeply wrong- and he wants to make things right. The audio gets a little confusing- Kurt actually is bouncing around between a few separate stories here. Here are the bullet points, but you can listen to the entire hour of radio below.

Amy Schumer has nothing to do with this. Kurt blamed the bloodthirsty media for putting the story on Amy’s doorstep, and wants everyone to leave Amy alone. “My career is fine. My relationship with Amy [Schumer] is fine. I am actually big enough, they [media, bloggers] could have kept it on me. But they’re so greedy, that little money machine. So now a shit pile is at her doorstep and she has to deal with my bullshit because you’re a bloodthirsty mob. And that was my main point with the whole thing. My main point was fuck this mob.” [36:45 in audio]

After last week, Kurt talked to the alleged rapist and the alleged victim. Kurt had a phone conversation with the alleged rapist, and several phone calls with the alleged victim- we’ll call her Jane Doe for now. He says that the abuse Jane Doe described is beyond horrific. So awful that it has fucked him up. And he said after talking to both parties, he 100% believes her. He says Jane Doe’s plan was to come out anonymously initially to try to draw out other victims to come forward with her. According to Kurt, she’s planning to talk about what happened. “If you knew the half of what I know,” he said, “…if i sound a little off… What she told me makes me so angry…. What she told me was so upsetting…I’m not blowing her spot up…it will come out.” He said that in their conversations, she addressed his Facebook point about why the assault isn’t being handled through the police. Again, he said he didn’t want to reveal specific information she told him, but “hypothetically,” people may have gone to the police, and may have been treated badly by the police, hinting that Jane Doe was dissuaded from pursuing criminal action against her alleged attacker. [29:22 in audio]

Ultimately he wanted to say that “She didn’t deserve this to happen to her. Nobody deserves this shit and I can assure you I will never be that cavalier again. And that’s not pressure on me. It’s what I believe.”

At one point Kurt reveals that Jane Doe saved his life, and at another point he says that he was so fucked up after talking to her and other victims of abuse, that he wanted to kill himself.

Kurt regrets the things he said. He said, repeatedly, in many different ways, “I feel terrible that, if you’re a victim, I may have added to the shame you felt for no reason, with my shitty ass.” At another point in the conversation he said “What happened to me- is nothing compared to what happened to her [Jane Doe]. It’s unreal. It fucked me up so bad.” He holds no ill will toward anyone who gave him a hard time, saying “”I deserved everything that I got, and frankly more.” He was even apologetic to a woman who wrote the first blog post calling him out, saying, “that woman that wrote the blog…Kurt Metzger Needs To Shut Up– she’s been through some shit man. Yeah she was unfair, but at 23 she’s been through some shit. Just be nice to her.” [42:41 in audio]

He says Barry Crimmins reached out to him. Barry Crimmins, the subject of the movie Call Me Lucky, who was the victim of sexual abuse as a child reached out to him during this past week, and may have been the person who talked Kurt out of killing himself. [32:00 in audio]

The experience awakened feelings, thoughts and PTSD that have been weighing on Kurt for 35 years. At several points in the conversation Kurt revealed that he suffered some form of abuse as a child, made reference to a cult, and an unnamed person from his childhood.

A woman named Alicia from Chicago did an interview with him that made him angry, and helped him. One of the stories that runs through the conversation, is that he did a phone interview with a woman named Alicia from Chicago where Kurt apologized to rape victims everywhere.

Kurt’s career is fine, improved even. Before anyone assumes Kurt went on the radio today to apologize for the sake of his career, Kurt was emphatic that not only is his career okay, it’s actually on the upswing as a result of the last week’s media rush- and he feels really shitty about having benefitted from this all. “People were like..you’re done. You think my careers done? And I have to say anything out of fear? You can’t shame me. I’m a fucking comedian. I had shame beaten out of me when i was 5 years old so let’s get that shit out right now.” [35:30 in audio]

He ended the hour saying “now that it is about me..I’d like to kindly turn it back onto who I believe is a rapist.”

Listen to the full hour below. The intense talk starts about twenty minutes in.

The Bennington show airs Monday through Friday on SiriusXM’s Raw Dog Comedy Channel from noon to 3pm eastern time.

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