The first in a series so occasional it barely merits the title series, in which philosophical classics are reduced to their elements as a service to students and scholars.

#1: Plato’s Republic

A funny thing happened on the way to the agora. I bumped into that Socrates. He was having a chat about justice with all and sundry.

â€œI bet you know all about that!â€ asked Polyasskiss.

â€œI know nothing at all, â€ replied Socrates. â€œWhich actually makes me considerably cleverer than you.â€

â€œIndeed.â€

â€œNow, to justice. Do you think justice is simply the most powerful getting their way?â€

â€œOf course.â€

â€œYou’re wrong.â€

â€œAnything you say, Socrates.â€

â€œYou’re all wrong because you’re like monkeys brought up in a cave who don’t know the difference between reality and shadows.â€

â€œI’m a monkey brought up in a cave who doesn’t know the difference between reality and shadows.â€

â€œThat’s why you should be ruled by philosophers.â€

â€œBut aren’t philosophers rubbish politicians who end up getting condemned to death?â€

â€œHow simple and foolish you are, my simian friend. The fact that philosophers get killed rather than crowned kings proves how suited they really are to rule.â€

â€œAhhhh! I get it! Actually, I don’t.â€

â€œWell, think of it like this. Take a vertical line, divide it in two, one third of the way down, then divide each of the remaining parts further into two according to the same ratio. Call the top segment intelligence, the next one reason, the next one belief and the last one total cobblers. Is that clear?â€

â€œCertainly Socrates.â€

â€œNow, a just person is like a just state.â€

â€œWhat do you mean?â€

â€œI was just coming to that.â€

â€œSorry. I just wanted to keep the pretence of a dialogue going.â€

â€œWhat I mean is, you can make all sorts of analogies between things and if you do it cleverly enough you can build a whole philosophy on dubious comparisons and no one will notice.â€

â€œGod, you’re wise.â€

â€œI’m not God, my friend, but yes, I’m very, very wise, but also ignorant, so therefore supremely modest really.â€

â€œIs this chat going to go on much longer? I’ve got some shopping to do.â€

â€œEvery person has an excellence and they should stick to doing what they do well. We’re men and no one talks crap better than us. So leave the shopping to wives and slaves.â€

â€œI think that more or less sums it up, Socrates.â€

â€œNow, come back tomorrow and I’ll explain why somewhere in the heavens there is a perfect form of the kebab.â€

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 206 user reviews.