Haley: How did I spend my summer vacation? I got over my breakup with Andy.

Luke: I got a job at Grandpa’s country club.

Alex: I got mono.

breakup – the end of a relationship

country club – a social club that usually includes a restaurant, a pool, a golf course, and tennis courts – they are usually very exclusive

mono – the nickname of a disease called mononucleosis – it is often common in teenagers and is spread by kissing – it causes people to be extremely tired

Alex: Nobody misses two weeks at Cal Tech and catches up. What am I going to do?

to catch up – when you are behind someone either in reality or metaphorically, it means to return to an even position. In this case, she would be behind in learning things.

Haley: How do nerds even get mono? Did you all practice by kissing the same pillow.

Mono is usually spread by kissing. It is often called “the kissing disease.”

Haley: I got fired. My plan was to hide it from my parents until I got a new job, but with smartypants Alex home I had to be careful or she was going to figure it out. Her being super sick is coming at a really bad time for me.

smartypants – a negative term for someone who is “too smart” or acts too smart

Luke: It was a payday and a game of craps broke out in the kitchen. See this watch? Enrique’s grandfather’s.

payday – the day employees receive their paycheck

craps – a gambling game that involves rolling dice

Claire: Did you finish your history report?

Luke: Just gotta dot the i’s and cross the t’s. And put in all of the other letters.

to dot the i’s and cross the t’s – do the final things to make something complete. In reality, Luke hasn’t even started on his paper.

Claire: Now I’m very sorry, but I have to get to work. We are bidding a big job against my old nemesis Closets Closets Closets Closets.

Phil: I’m back in there.

nemesis – enemy

Joe: I want to live outside.

Gloria: No senor we are not having that argument anymore.

Joe: Mowgli lives outside.

Jay: Is Mowgli that dirty kid at his preschool whose parents drive that car that runs on french fry oil.

Gloria: No, it’s that dirty kid who runs around the Jungle Book. Jay, tell him he can’t.

Jay: The first time I saw Tarzan I wanted to live outside. Dad said fine, I walked out in the woods, met a hobo, taught me to open a can with a bird’s beak.

senor – the Spanish word for “mister”

Mowgli – a character from the Disney movie “The Jungle Book” – he was raised in the jungle by animals

Tarzan – another character that lived in the jungle. From the books and movies called “Tarzan.”

Jay: Six months ago we took you to the dermatologist for taking too many bubble baths.

bubble bath – a bath that contains soap that makes big bubbles – it is seen as a luxury

Jay: What am I supposed to do? I made the appointment weeks ago, right after the break-in down the street.

break-in – illegally entering someone’s how in order to steal things

Mitch: I’m off contact sports right now. I twisted my ankle playing running charades.

contact sports – sports that involve touching other people in a potentially violent way

charades – a game where people try to act out words by moving their body but not speaking – it is not a contact sport in any way

Cam: Why do you look so satisfied? Did you just listen to an NPR story that proved you right about something?

NPR – short for National Public Radio – it is a very progressive radio station that is funded by donations. People who listen to it tend to think they are enlightened.

Cam: I wish you wouldn’t have told me. You know how proud I am of my gender-indentific-adar.

gender-indentific-adar – a made up word. It is related to gaydar, which means “gay radar.” That means someone can tell if someone else is gay. The new word means that Cam can tell if someone is transgender or not.

Mitch: We deserve some kudos here too.

Cam: There’s enough kudos for everyone.

Mitch: You know, a Kudo would be an excellent name for a parenting award.

Cam: Oh, thank you Gwenyth. Lily, if you’re still watching, go to bed.

kudos – a word that means “good job”

Claire: Part of being the boss is being a bummer.

bummer – a person who brings bad news

Claire: Tell the creative team to get their giggles out. I’ll be ready for them in ten.

giggles – silly laughter

Alex: Luke, game down! This is your senior year, also known as your last year not to suck.

senior year – your fourth and final year at high school

Cam: Don’t forget to give funkmaster Linda her check for today’s class.

Both parents: Bye Tom.

Cam: Hey Lily, can you hang back for a second.

Lily: I shouldn’t. Linda says being late is wiggity wack.

wack – a term popular with people who like hip-hop (but a bit old, more from the 90s) that means “crazy” or “ridiculous”

Cam: You know how hard it was for daddy and me? Growing up in Missouri I was so mistreated that one of my best friends was an old scarecrow I found in a creek.

scarecrow – an object that looks like a person that is put on a farm to scare birds away

Mitch: I’m just saying, maybe when she gets back from there she needs to be reminded of our values. You know, un-hick her.

Cam: Oh, the H-bomb. Possibly the most offensive slur ever thrown around in the south.

hick – a negative term for someone from a rural area. They are often seen as uneducated and dumb. It is offensive to say, but not as offensive as other words that were common in the southern US (mostly negative words that black people were called)

Cam: It was actually illegal to run for mayor without a mustache until 1980. And then again from ’82 to ’85.

to run for office – to campaign and try to gain a political office

Gloria: Don’t blame me about breaking the other ones. One got stepped on and the other fell down the garbage disposal.

garbage disposal – a device that goes beneath the kitchen sink that grinds up anything that is solid (not liquid) that goes down the drain. They are quite common in the US.

Flashbacks. Nightmares. Anxiety. My imprisonment in the closet resulted in all of the symptoms of PTSD. My insurance company helped me to find a therapy dog and agreed to cover everything but then they found out I wasn’t in the military.

PTSD – short for Post-Traumautic Stress Disorder. It is when people become very anxious after experiencing a terrifying event. It is very common for people soldiers returning from a war zone.

therapy dog – a dog that is supposed to help someone overcome a mental illness

Luke: Alex’s laptop had every piece of homework she ever did in high school. It was the Holy Grail. I think. Thanks to Alex’s hard work, I don’t know what that is. And never will.

the Holy Grail – the cup that Jesus and his disciples drank from at the Last Supper – the last meal he had with them before being crucified. It is thought to be lost. It is used as a metaphor for the ultimate and most awesome thing.

Jay: Where are your keys? I need the jumper cables.

Gloria: What happened?

Jay: I spent the last hour in my car listening to The Commodores with the windows down and the neighbors didn’t even come outside.

Gloria: That must be your good friend, the Harlem Globetrotters.

jumper cables – cords used to restart a car when the battery dies

The Commodores – a band comprised of all black musicians that was famous in the 1970s and 1980s.

Harlem Globetrotters – a basketball team that is famous for being funny and entertaining. Almost all of the players are black.

Claire: Oh honey, I’m so sorry. But now that you’re awake, what happened in here, huh?

Alex: I’ll tell you what happened here.

The same thing that’s been happening all damn day.

Me dealing with animals who don’t care that we are air conditioning the outside.

And insist on rotting their brains by watching vapid housewives spit wine on each other.

And you can’t even be bothered to use a plate.

Housewives is a reference to shows like “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” and “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” These are reality shows that depict housewives and their interactions with each other. It is often thought of a low-class television.

Sean: I’m Sean, by the way.

Jay: Jay Pritchett

Gloria: Jay.

Jay: It’s OK, Gloria. All handled. This is my wife, Gloria.

This is Sean, and I want to get this right, beautiful African name, Sean Bataway.

Sean: I said “by the way.”

Jay: Ah.

In this joke, Jay misunderstood Sean saying “by the way” for saying his last name.

Mitchell: It was hard for us to hear, but in the spirit of tolerance, we accepted the fact that a nine-year-old might not want to fall asleep under the watchful eyes of her half-naked fathers.

Cam: Call the Sistine Chapel. I guess art is out.

The Sistine Chapel is a church in Vatican City – the headquarters of the Catholic Church. In it, there are many pictures of half-naked men.