A small plaque on the washroom wall of a hotel room in China reads: "Beijing Conference Centre. It's an oasis in noise." Another sign above the sink reads: "Please save the water used for life."

Tool says he has corrected more than 1 million bits of broken English in China. (Simon Dingley/CBC)

These phrases of mangled English are infamously referred to as Chinese English, or "Chinglish," and amuse some Western visitors. But not everyone is laughing.

David Tool, a retired U.S. army colonel, has made it his mission to eradicate broken English in Beijing. An English professor at the city's International Studies University, Tool says he has corrected more than one million mistakes over the past seven years as a volunteer for the local government.

The Chinese media have dubbed him the "sign police" professor.

Even Tool chuckles over some of what he's seen. (One example: Until two years ago, Western visitors to Beijing made a tradition out of having pictures taken in front of a sign outside a local hospital that read "Dongda Hospital for Anus and Intestine Disease.")

But at the core of his efforts is a serious goal.

"When the foreigners come here, I want them to understand Chinese culture," he says. He doesn't want them to laugh at it.

Snickering visitors cause distress

Tool was living in California in 1990 when he made his first visit to China. He fell in love with the country. Feeling unhappy about his life in the United States, he moved here in 2001 and renamed himself Du Dawai, a Mandarin translation of David Tool.

Signs with broken English in Beijing often have awkward meanings that cause foreigners to snicker. (Simon Dingley/CBC)

Shortly after that, he saw firsthand the consequences of poor English for the Chinese while attending a performance of the Peking Opera.

"They had this line [in the performance] that should have said 'auspicious clouds in the sky' but it read 'auspicious clods,' " he recalls.

"I was upset by the fact that the foreigners were laughing so uproariously that it actually disturbed the performance. The Chinese would see this as laughing at Chinese culture and not treating it with respect. I was so distressed, I wrote a letter to the minister of culture."

The local government took him up on his offer to help and put him to work.

Tool now fixes signs on the subways, on highways and at museums. And wherever else Tool spots incorrect English, he e-mails or personally visits the shopkeeper or government person responsible to point out the error.

"If it's a capital letter or small letter, we don't fool with it," Tool explains. "We're after the stuff that's laughable, embarrassing or actually is wrong information."

Lessons on the streets

The government made him a member of its Beijing Speaks Foreign Languages Committee in 2002. The committee has released 12 volumes of guidelines for medical signs, commercial signs and gymnasiums.

Fried chicken is misspelled on a Beijing menu. (Simon Dingley/CBC)

Tool also teaches English at Beijing's International Studies University. He incorporates his passion into the classroom, taking his students on field trips and teaching them analytical thinking skills.

"We started walking down the streets, and I used this as a teaching technique for the students," he says. "If there was something wrong with this sign, I'd say what's wrong with this sign? And then they would try to figure it out. It was an interesting technique to use."

Tool also volunteers by training people with disabilities to be city tour guides. Improving accessibility is one of his major awareness-raising activities.

For all his efforts, the city of Beijing recently awarded Tool its highest honour, the Great Wall Friendship Award, and chose him as one of the city's Top 10 volunteers.

Tool was also chosen to run through the Forbidden City with the Olympic torch earlier this year.

"Many people have asked me: 'Was China going to be [rid of Chinglish] by the Olympics?' " Tool relates. "Obviously, we were not. But the emphasis has been on safety and directions. The subways, roads, the directions on how to get some place are pretty clear."

Retirement in L.A.: 'Too easy'

Tool has only visited his homeland twice in the past seven years. He left his wife of almost 40 years in Los Angeles. She comes to visit him every couple years. She has no plans to move to Beijing.

But Sharon Tool is not bitter. In fact, she encouraged him.

"How difficult would it be to have an unhappy husband living at home with me?... He's just so happy and so effective as the man he is here in Beijing. And he can't be that in Los Angeles. I know that. So that makes me happy," Sharon Tool says while visiting her husband during the Olympics.

But why does he do it? Why move to a foreign country? Why not relax and enjoy retirement in Los Angeles?

"Because it's too easy. It's very nice. My wife's a wonderful cook, we've got a very nice house, we've got a grandchild, two wonderful kids," David Tool says.

"But I don't think it's very useful. To be an old man is one thing, but to be a useful old man is a totally different and wonderful life, and I feel extremely useful here."