Angry Fans Petition God To Rewrite Ending Of Bible

U.S.—Over a million angry fans of the Bible have petitioned God Almighty to rewrite the ending of the Bible, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Fans claim they are unhappy with how many people perish in their sins at the end of the world, and asked the Lord to rewrite the ending.

"We stuck with Him for 65 books, and then right at the end there it all fell apart," one woman in Portland said in the comments of the Change.org petition. "I really thought love would win. But it seems a lot of people reject Christ as Savior and end up dying in their sins. And there's just so much fire and death. I really wanted there to be less death. If He could just change the preordained end of history, that'd be great."

Other people pointed out that God subverted their expectations, saying they thought from all the positive, uplifting Bible verses and Christian-y quotes on Facebook that God would end up just letting everybody into heaven.

"I was expecting everyone to be saved, to be honest," said one megafan in Washington. "For everything to turn out amazing for everyone who was ever born, because they chose to remain in their sins, is just terrible."

"So go ahead and remake it, please and thank you," she added.

God had not responded to the Change.org petition at publishing time.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost. Get FREE Access *with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee