Years ago, I fell in love with a sandwich siimlar to this at a lunch place in the big city near my hometown. It’s basically a glorified Grilled Cheese made with rye bread, sliced red onion, bright red tomato, whole green chilies and two kinds of cheese. The bread is slathered in butter before grilling to ensure maximum taste and maximum calories, which I’m like, totally all about. Like, totally.

First we are going to make the special sauce. Measure 1 tablespoon of Dijon mustard and 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise and mix the together in a small bowl. That’s it! That’s the special sauce. Mix it together well and then spread a very thin layer onto the inside of both pieces of bread. Now slice a nice ripe tomato. Thinly slice a red onion. Place two slices of tomato on one piece of bread and two slices of mild cheddar on the other slice. On top of the tomatoes place several slices of red onion followed by two sliced of provolone. Open your can of whole green chilies (or if you have roasted your own fresh chilies, those are fabulous as well!) and lay one or two slices on top of the provolone. Now very carefully put the two halves of this glorious sandwich together. Now, are you ready? Spread a ridiculous, fattening and obscene amount of butter on top of the bread. Don’t miss a single centimeter. Flip the sandwich over and repeat the Obscene Butter Process on the other side. Meanwhile, heat a skillet (non-stick is preferable here) over LOW heat. Place the sandwich in the skillet and cook it for at least 5 minutes. Flip and continue cooking for another couple of minutes, until golden brown. Remove to a cutting board and slice this beautiful little piece of heaven in half and eat. Lawsie mercy, folks. You have no idea how spectacularly delicious this is.

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Mmmmm…this is it, folks: The Sandwich That Brings Me the Most Happiness in Life. Granted, it’s no Marlboro Man’s Favorite Sandwich, which has surprisingly turned out to be the most popular recipe on this website to date, but it’s still oh-so-good. Years ago, I fell in love with a sandwich siimlar to this at a lunch place in the big city near my hometown. It’s basically a glorified Grilled Cheese made with rye bread, sliced red onion, bright red tomato, whole green chilies and two kinds of cheese. The bread is slathered in butter before grilling to ensure maximum taste and maximum calories, which I’m like, totally all about. Like, totally.

For years and years I tried unsuccessfully to duplicate it at home, but never could get it quite right. Only recently, when my sister Betsy was visiting, did I finally learn what I’d been missing all these years. After reviewing my list of ingredients and lamenting the sad fact that it just never quite tasted the way it tasted in our old lunch place/stomping ground, sister looked at me smugly and said, “Oh, you mean you didn’t use their special sauce?”

Special Sauce? Come again? I had no idea what she was talking about. Seems the lunch place in question spreads a very thin layer of the stuff on the bread of every heavenly grilled cheese (and many other things) they serve. I felt betrayed, as if the whole world knew some secret I didn’t. I also felt disappointed, knowing the special sauce in question would probably be an impossible combination of ingredients and I’d have to spend the rest of my life unable to accurately duplicate the one sandwich that brings me happiness in life.

I was carrying on and bawling my eyes out over the whole ordeal when Betsy finally took pity on me and dialed the restaurant in question. “Hi,” she said. “My sister is stranded on a cattle ranch and she loves your grilled cheese more than life itself and would like to be able to make them at home. Would you be able to tell us what’s in the sauce before she has a total emotional breakdown.”

Betsy listened for a moment, said, “Thank you” and hung up. Then she looked at me, smiled and said, “Mayonnaise and Dijon.” Then she told me to get over myself. Then she told me to seek help.

And that’s when my life began again.



The Cast of Characters: Rye Bread (with seeds), Butter, Red Onion, Tomato, Whole Green Chilies, Slice Mild Cheddar, Sliced Provolone, Mayonnaise, and Dijon Mustard.









First, let’s make the Special Sauce! Find your Dijon Mustard…









Measure 1 tablespoon…









And plop it into a small bowl.









Now find your Mayonnaise. REAL Mayonnaise, now, not the Fat Free stuff or that Miracle Whip nonsense.









Measure 1 tablespoon…









And place it into the bowl with the Dijon.









Mix together with a fork…









Until well combined. This is enough sauce for at least two sandwiches.









Now place two pieces of rye bread on a plate…









And begin spreading sauce on each slice.









Now, the key here is to make the layer of sauce very, very thin.









The purpose of the sauce is to create a slight hint of flavor and a very subtle moistness; there should be no globs of sauce in the sandwich.









Be sure to get the sauce all the way out to the edges. And make sure the layer is very thin!









Now, getcha a nice, ripe tomato…









And cut it into slices.









Now cut a red onion in half from root to tip…









Lay a half on its side and cut off the top.









Peel off the outer layer…









And cut into pretty thin slices.









Now, place two slices of tomato on one piece of bread.









On the other half, overlap two slices of mild cheddar.









Place a few red onion slices on top of the tomato, then top the red onion with two slices of overlapping Provolone.









Now, whip out your can of whole green chilies. You could use the diced ones, but for the purposes of this sandwich, they just don’t pack the same punch.









On top of the green chilies, place a few more slices of red onion. I’m usually not a raw onion slice kind of gal, but in this sandwich, it really works.









It takes a very steady hand (name that Milton Bradley game), but now you need to carefully unite the two halves into one.









It’s Butter Time. My favorite time of the day! Make sure it’s very soft.









Spread a ridiculous, fattening, obscene amount of butter on the top of the bread.









Make sure you get all the way out to the edges, and please—in the name of all that is good and holy—do NOT skimp. If the bread is too dry, your sandwich will suffer. And so will your immortal soul.









Flip the sandwich over (don’t worry about getting a little butter on the place) and repeat the Obscene Butter Process on the other side.









Meanwhile, heat a skillet (nonstick works great here) over LOW HEAT.









When it’s adequately heated, place the sandwich in the skillet.









Now, the reason I cook the sandwich over low heat is that I want to give the middle of the sandwich plenty of time to warm up and melt. If the heat on the stove were higher, the bread would get way too brown before the cheese even had a chance to melt. Also, cooking over low heat for a slightly longer period of time gives the bread a wonderful crispness that contrasts the soft, melted cheese nicely.









I let it go for at least five minutes, checking occasionally to make sure it’s not overbrowning.









When it’s nice and golden brown, flip it over to the other side.









With the spatula, lightly press the top half into the bottom half.









Let it cook for another few minutes, making sure the cheese is thoroughly melted.









Remove the sandwich to a cutting board…









And cut in half with a sharp knife.









Lawsie Mercy, folks. You have no idea how spectacularly delicious this is.









You’ll see that I probably could have let the cheese melt just a minute or two longer. But I have Acute Impatience Syndrome when it comes to this sandwich and I was unable to wait any longer before taking my first bite.









This sandwich is so rich and powerful, a half is often enough. So find your favorite sister, brother, friend, coworker, or mailman and share one of these today! I hope it brings you as much happiness as it’s brought me.

Just don’t forget the special sauce…