Mets centerfielder Angel Pagan delayed last night's game because he was in the bathroom pooping. Apparently Pagan "felt a rumble at the end of the fourth" and ended up spending a significant portion of the fifth shitting, while his coach screamed his name from the dugout in vain. The announcers stalled! The crowd booed! His team played miserably! (The Phillies won 10-0.) But all that is beside the point. The point: What fecal nickname of shame shall we bestow upon Angel Pagan, problematic pooper of the New York Mets?

Angel "Home Runs" Pagan

Angel "Designated Shitter" Pagan

Angel "Fast Bowel" Pagan

Angel "Foul Bowel" Pagan

Angel "Poop Fly" Pagan

Angel "Bunt Butt" Pagan

Angel "Pinch Hitter" Pagan

Pagan returned in the middle of the fifth inning. Good hustle, Pinch Hitter. [NYDN, image via Getty]