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By WBØRUR, on the scene

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move being touted by proponents as “ground breaking” and by critics as “the end of the world,” the Federal Communications Commission has announced approval of same sex cable connections.

Cable rights activists vowed to get the measure approved through congressional legislative channels should the FCC not take prompt action.

FCC Commisioner Roberto De Stankhousen announced today’s decision as members of the press and the cable connection rights group “Friends and Users of Cable Compatibility” gathered in the Rayburn Office building lobby.

“No longer will it be necessary to connect a PL-259 with an SO-239. An RCA male no longer need feel incompatible when partnered with another RCA male. A quarter inch phono plug may now be used for a direct connection to another quarter inch phono plug. This is truly a landmark day!”

Today’s announcement has left technical specialists scratching their collective heads over the decision.

“I’m all for parity among cables and connections,” says Dr. Phillip Von Beckentoffer, the creator of the small NGF style connector which no one uses and doesn’t even know exists.

“But this creates more issues than answers. Exactly HOW do I get the two male connectors to stay together? I can’t get it to work. I experimented with this type of thing in college.”

Outraged cabling technicians are vowing to appeal the FCC decision. Thomas “Red” Scrollinger – an experienced cable tech – questions the decision from his office in downtown Petaluma, California.

“There’s no way to mate them together. Further, how robust is the FCC’s decision? How encompassing is this decision? Can I use an RCA male with a BNC male? How about a PL-259? It’s wide open for interpretation. Frankly, I don’t like all the gray area.”

A public hearing is scheduled for Thursday at 4:00 p.m. The FCC ruling goes into effect 90 days afterwards.

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