John Piper is founder and teacher of desiringGod.org and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary. For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. He is author of more than 50 books , including Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist and most recently Coronavirus and Christ

John Piper is founder and teacher of desiringGod.org and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary. For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. He is author of more than 50 books , including Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist and most recently Coronavirus and Christ

In each of these sections one item could be added that I have not listed, namely, How do you handle and live with differences? How do you decide what can remain differences without jeopardizing the relationship? So as you deal with each subheading, include that in the discussion.

Theology

What do you believe about . . . everything?

Perhaps read through the Desiring God Affirmation of Faith to see what you each believe about various biblical doctrines.

Discover how you form your views. What is the reasoning-believing process? How do you handle the Bible?

Worship and Devotion

How important is corporate worship? Other participation in church life?

How important is it to be part of a small accountability/support group?

What is the importance of music in life and worship?

What are your daily personal devotional practices? (Prayer, reading, meditation, memorization)

What would our family devotions look like? Who leads out in this?

Are we doing this now in an appropriate way: praying together about our lives and future, reading the Bible together?

Husband and Wife

What is the meaning of headship and submission in the Bible and in our marriage?

What are expectations about situations where one of us might be alone with someone of the opposite sex?

How are tasks shared in the home: cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, yard work, car upkeep, repairs, shopping for food, and household stuff?

What are the expectations for togetherness?

What is an ideal non-special evening?

How do you understand who initiates sex and how often?

Who does the checkbook — or are there two?

Children

Should we have children? If so, when? Why?

How many?

How far apart?

Would we consider adoption?

What are the standards of behavior?

What are the appropriate ways to discipline them? How many strikes before they’re . . . whatever?

What are the expectations of time spent with them and when they go to bed?

What signs of affection will you show them?

What about school? Home school? Christian school? Public school?

Lifestyle

Own a home or not? Why?

What kind of neighborhood? Why?

How many cars? New? Used?

View of money in general. How much to the church?

How do you make money decisions?

Where will you buy clothes: Department store? Thrift store? In between? Why?

Entertainment

How much money should we spend on entertainment?

How often should we eat out? Where?

What kind of vacations are appropriate and helpful for us?

How many toys? Snowmobile, boat, cabin?

Should we have a television? Where? What is fitting to watch? How much?

What are the criteria for movies and theater? What will our guidelines be for the kids?

Conflict

What makes you angry?

How do you handle your frustration or anger?

Who should bring up an issue that is bothersome?

What if we disagree both about what should be done and whether it is serious?

Will we go to bed angry at each other?

What is our view of getting help from friends or counselors?

Work

Who is the main breadwinner?

Should the wife work outside the home? Before kids? With kids at home? After kids?

What are your views of daycare for children?

What determines where we will locate? Job? Whose job? Church? Family?

Friends

Is it good to do things with friends but without spouse?

What will we do if one of us really likes to hang out with so and so and the other doesn’t?

Health and Sickness