Among the weirdest questions I have ever answered about my life is whether I love my wife…I took offence the first time I was asked that. However the second time I was asked the same question I began seeing a pattern. It was a genuine question. Quite frankly I would rather a female friend asked me if I was gay, preferably right before she invited me to go help her with swimwear shopping. My wife and I have a son for goodness sake! I would never reproduce with a woman I was not totally down for. I am those men who would rather write the history of their life in ink rather than in semen. Thus I put on my big boy pants and immunized myself from unnecessary feelings. After all this is a new decade na hakuna makasiriko.

From my standpoint; our generation has been raised to idolize individuality. We walk around with souped up egos believing we are gifts to whatever partner finds our fancy. This perfect-as-you-are campaign begins at home in a bid to build our sense of self-worth. Our parents rarely see our faults and they always blame our partner’s parenting. For the most part, it is like a radicalization of sorts where we are taught to be narcissistic. We mill about life feeling that the world owes us somebody worthy of our perfection. I know this for a fact because I was not much different; I walked away from relationships and potential relationships at the slightest of whims.

Just remember that someone, somewhere, sometimes masturbates thinking of you…

It was not until I identified this flaw within myself that I changed. I accepted that I was an idiot and that any woman who took my fancy was actually overlooking these flaws. I realised that within me there existed grave imperfections, dark traits and excessive needs. I was much like every other millennial that grew up to social media and emergency contraception. I actively started seeing myself for what I really was rather than what my pubescent flings, my self-help books or the voices in my head told me I was. Secondly and of utmost importance, I asked God to send me a woman who had the intellect to identify my flaws but have the wisdom to overlook them. I have never been very particular about looks, I believe in inner beauty. So I asked God for a woman with hips not less than 40 inches, a waist of not more than 29 inches and at least 5 foot 7 inches tall. Garnish that with the lips of a mermaid and eyes calmer than the nights of cloudless climes. She also had to have impeccable faith in God. This is exactly what God sent my way.

In today’s world, the one greatest misfortune I have witnessed is that feelings are rarely mutual. How many people can you claim truly care about you? I mean, not just the people in your life who are fun to hang out with, not just the people who you love and trust. But people, who feel good when you are happy and successful, feel bad when you are hurt or going through a hard time, people who would walk away from their lives for a little while to help you with yours? Therefore in my opinion; in the rare occasion that feelings are mutual, you should drop everything. You should forget belongings and unrealistic expectations. You should chase that shot at true love with every ounce of your being.

I am not addressing the warm fuzzy feeling that you get after a night out rubbing groins together after consuming copious amounts of alcoholic beverage. I am also not addressing the hormonal imbalance that is brought about by lengthy periods of celibacy. I am talking about a mutual care for each other’s well-being. That shit is so rare nowadays that it warrants you to quit running whatever game that you have previously adopted. There are no shortcuts to building trust with anyone who is worth having.

The danger that plagues this strategy today is the fact that too many people are bent on the idea that people keep track of how many times they screw up. Thinking too much about a potential lover does not always guarantee that you make the right choices. It pays to stop being scared of the unknown and start worrying about never knowing. There will always be people who are uglier and others that will be prettier than you. You should be mature enough to accept that and move on. In the event that you crash land, which inevitably happens sometimes; just remember that someone, somewhere, sometimes masturbates thinking of you. Keep your sense of self-worth intact because someone quite possibly considers you to be way out of their league.

Relationships are hard. They are not some spa you report to and your sexual and emotional needs are sated instantly at a meagre cost. That is to say that every day is not a good day. Some days you are in the fight of your lives and you swear you could kill your partner. Other days you are in cloud nine and you could kill for your partner. Be patient. Love yourself and your person through these storms. Never give up on finding such an individual. So yes, I do love my wife. I love her in the same way I love Downhill Mountain biking; scared but reckless. I may not care about which side of her bread slice is buttered but I lack sleep thinking about where her career is headed. We are what could proverbially be considered poor. We do not rock name brands and we hardly ever wear fancy clothes that keep in style. We are not cool cats; we publicly speak in mother-tongue and enjoy country music. But fuck it we are happy with each other and that is surprisingly sufficient. Of course that is not to say that we would mind being in a Range Rover or a sprawling mansion in with some fancy address. So if you are some dashing billionaire reading this from your Gulfstream VI, feel free to humour me…

We have demanding jobs, the pay checks are weak and the hours are long. The good thing is that we are rich in the things that life can give; like the little parish where we worship at. They do not preach of prosperity here on earth; but of mansions that we could have up there in the sky. They serve tea at the end of every service which I really love. Then we walk home in the blistering heat while sucking on 10 shilling popsicles. This is clearly not the stuff that rakes in minions on Instagram; which is why our presence on this platform is deplorable for a couple of millennials. We do not have a mighty fine place to host, and most of the shit we have amassed was paid for a little at a time. We are the cohort that keeps credit agencies running. The most important thing is that we get along.

My two cents? Just find somebody with whom you can be ordinary people with and the rest will be fine!