The Raines Reaction to NFL Week 9 is here! If you missed last week’s Raines Reaction to NFL week 8, click here.

Just this week, the Dolphins got their first win. The Ravens handed the Patriots their first loss. Every NFC North team lost. Every AFC West team won. And 3 Quarterbacks with the last name Allen won a game.

Cue the music, it’s the Raines Reaction to recap Week 9.

Jimmy G Flawless in 49ers 8th Straight Win

49ers 28 – Cardinals 25

We start in Arizona where George Skittle was tasting the rainbow to the tune of 79 yards and a touchdown. Colonel Emmanuel Sanders fried the Cardinals secondary with his second touchdown since joining San Francisco. Kenyan ‘Shake and Drake’ was goin fast, but the Niners were all jacked up on Mountain Dew. Jimmy G woke up that morning and pissed excellence, and then pissed all over the Cardinals, keeping the 49ers undefeated.

The Texans Run Away and Hyde in London

Texans 26 – Jaguars 3

At ye olde Wembley Stadium, Bill O’Brien had a strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Carlos Hyde as the Texans running back ran for 160 yards. For the Jaguars, it was Gardner MinCLUE with a pick on an overthrow to Mr. Reid in London. No, no it was a pick on an overthrow to Mr. Addae in London. Doug Marrone needs a bigger Ma-Bone and has to be looking forward to Nick Foles coming back after a poor showing in London.

The Chicago Chers Wish they Could Turn Back Time to Start Week 9 Over

Bears 14 – Eagles 22

In the city of brotherly love, Zach Truth Ertz took a DNA test and it turned out he’s 100% that bitch with 103 yards and a touchdown. Jordan wondered How(ard) the Bears and him could be lovers when they can’t be friends? For Chicago, David Michael Montgomery showed the Eagles that football’s a dance that you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, and sometimes you score 2 touchdowns. But, Matt Shaggy could be on the hot seat in Chicago after losing 4 in a row. Zoinks Scoob!

Harrison Kicks the Vikings Butt-ker as Time Expires

Vikings 23 – Chiefs 26

In Arrowhead, the Tyreek SugarHill gang said hip hop, hippie to the hippie, hip a hop, and you don’t stop, a rock it out with 140 yards and a touchdown. The Vikings led by Men at Kirk (Cousins) wondered who can it be now? And it was the Chiefs who hit them one Matt Moore time.

Laces Out

Colts 24 – Steelers 26

In a game winning attempt, the laces were in, which led to a missed field goal and a loss for the Colts. Photo Credits to larrybrownsports.com

Photo Credits to tenor.com

In the Steel City we go where Brian Lawyer was forced into action after damages to Jacoby Brissett’s knee. The Colts kept it close. But Adam Vinatieri was the judge, jury, and executioner, as he missed the game winning field goal leading to an Indianapolis loss.

THE DOLPHINS WIN

Jets 18 – Dolphins 26

Photo Credits to goflagpost.com

At Hard Rock Stadium, Adam Ace of Gase can see the sign and it might open a new job. Preston Williams Shakespeare was the primary beneficiary of a Comedy of Errors with 2 touchdowns. Yosemite Sam Darnold couldn’t out duel with the Fitzmagic Miami was playing with. Brian Adams Flores was in heaven after coaching the Fins to their first win.

Bills Jump Back into AFC Playoff Race with a W

Redskins 9 – Bills 24

In Buffalo, the Bills could smell what Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Haskins was cooking. Bills Mafia wanted tables after a W led by D-Von Singletary’s strong performance with 95 yards rushing and a touchdown. The lone Beasley boy had the posse in effect with an early score. Watch out AFC, Sean McDermott and Josh Allen are licensed to Bill.

Titans Find It’s Tricky to Slow Down Run C.M.C.

Titans 20 – Panthers 30

Christian McCaffrey a.k.a. Run C.M.C. continued his MVP caliber season this past sunday. Photo Credits to teepublic.com

In Carolina where you could buy one touchdown get two McCaf-Free, Run C.M.C. walked his way into the endzone 3 times. Curtis Samuel Adams had the Titans secondary looking drunk with 64 yards and a touchdown. D.J. had no problem getting Moore and Moore yards against the Titans. Kyle Fallon had Mike Vrabel’s defense breaking character in what was a key win for the Panthers.

The Lions Fall Victim to the Black Hole

Lions 24 – Raiders 31

We head into a Black Hole where Jon Gruden was all Team Jacobs, as the Raiders handed their wolf of a running back the ball 28 times. Oakland had a fast Carr, and they had a plan to get out of there with a W. Matt McConaughey Stafford had the Lions offense looking interstellar, but their defense showed fans how to lose a game in ten ways.

Russell Wilson Cements his Case for M.V.P.

Suckaneers 34 – Seahawks 40

I called them the Suckaneers because they lost on Sunday in Seattle. Photo Credits to tenor.com

We head to the Seattle where D.K. didn’t break a Sweat-Calf when he tore up the Buccaneers with 123 yards and a touchdown. Tyler was a Lockett Man and it was not a long long time till’ touchdowns brought the Seahawks a win. Mike Ocean El-Evans did not have any issue stealing yards from a weak Seattle secondary. But it was Russell Wade Wilson who added another team to his deadpool in this one.

Cry Me a Rivers Packers Fans

Packers 11 – Chargers 26

In La La Land, Chargers Kicker Michael Badgley showed off his Emma Stones with 4 field goals. Jamaal Will.i.ams wanted to get it started for the Pack and was runnin and runnin for a receiving score. But it was Melvin Gordon who ran, ran so far away, as the Chargers get away from the Packers in this one.

The Broncos Flush the Browns Out

Browns 19 – Broncos 24

Out west in Colorado the Broncos’ offense popped like a Jermaine Whitehead. Brandon Stark Allen could see everything going wrong with the Browns defense as he threw for 2 touchdowns. Phil(lip) Collins Lindsay could feel it in the air against the Browns as he ran for 92 yards in a touchdown. Browns kicker Austin Seibert also felt it comin in the Denver high air, kicking 4 field goals, but the seat is getting hotter in Freddie’s Kitchens as the Browns lose another close one.

Patriots D Can’t Ground Ravens

Patriots 20 – Ravens 37

In Baltimore Lamar Randy Jackson told the Pats its no from me dawg, I’m not losin. Lamar ran for 2 scores and threw for another. James Barry White couldn’t get enough of the Patriots love, babe, as he had over 80 all purpose yards and a touchdown. But, O’Boyle Rules! The Raven’s tight end, Nick Boyle, caught a touchdown in what was a impressive win for the Ravens.

Dak the Giant Slayer

Cowboys 37 – Giants 18

Rounding out the week in the Meadowlands, the Cowboys are Dak, Dak, Dak, and the Giants are Gone! Amari Alice Cooper said No More Mr. Nice Guy as he had 80 yards and a touchdown. Michael Gallup-ed his way into a score as the Cowboys roll the Giants.

What we can look forward to in NFL Week 10

Lions and Losses, and Bears, Oh my!

This could be the undoing in the NFC North for one of these two teams. The Bears, riding a 4 game losing streak, face off against a horrible defense in the Lions.

Patrick Mahomes is Back (supposedly)

The Chiefs stayed afloat without their star QB. Now they are expecting him to be good to go as they head into Tennessee.

Kirk Cousins in Primetime

Sunday Night Football features the Cowboys (again) against the Vikings. We all know Cousins has under-performed in nationally televised games. Let’s see if he continues his poor primetime play or if his recent stretch of solid play continues.

Seahawks vs. 49ers

A HUGE NFC West matchup occurs next Monday night. Russell Wilson has been in the MVP conversation all year. And he faces off against a DPOY and DROY candidate in Nick Bosa. Should be a good one.

That’s it from me. Be on the lookout for the podcasts coming soon which will be covering all sports. The NFL has been fun, and I hope you all enjoy reading these recaps.

Featured Image. NFL 100th Season. Photo Credit NFL.com.