Do you guys know Shrapnel? They’re a British thrash band who released their debut full-length earlier this year on Candlelight.

Yeah, well, this story isn’t about that band. It’s about this other band called Shrapnel, this one from Illinois. They are not signed to Candlelight, or any other label, and my guess is they never will be. Not because their music sucks (I mean, their music does suck, but that hasn’t stopped any number of bands from getting signed, so I don’t see why that should matter here), but because they’re a bunch of crybabies who demonstrate about as much professionalism as Dave Mustaine demonstrates love for President Obama.

So the story goes like this: Illinois Shrapnel recently posted the below on their Facebook page: Having people leave before your set does suck, but I have no idea what this public bellyache was meant to achieve. I mean, I’ve seen venues empty after support acts have played because no one gave a fuck about the headliner, and the headliner was a band people have actually heard of before. You don’t see them crying about it on the internet while professing that the only people who like their music are their friends, and those friends don’t even really like their music all that much. Really, all this post does is tee up an easy joke for an internet wiseass.

Which is exactly what happened:

I don’t know if Ms. Anderson actually knows Shrapnel and/or actually dislikes their music or is just trolling them, but regardless, her insult didn’t really warrant any further comment from the band. Like I said, they really just set that one up. It’s like if I was going to a party and I got there early and I said to the host “Sorry I came early” and the host replied, “I’ve heard you have that problem” — I couldn’t really be mad, because the joke was just hanging there in front of our faces like ripe fruit. I could argue that the joke was too obvious to be funny — but being all pissy about it would be a total waste of energy.

But apparently being pissy about things is what Shrapnel do! Because they did respond. And they responded in the worst way imaginable: Not only does this out the author as a misogynist with the brains of a dead pigeon (“Femail”?!?! Really, bruh?), but it also makes no goddamn sense. “People only come to see us because they were dragged to the show, and then they don’t stay at the show or, if they do, they futz around with their phones the whole time.” So would the band rather those people not come to the show at all? I mean, that’s fine, but, uh, like, either way, your band is playing for an empty room. At least if the people are dragged to the show, you can claim to have sold some tickets.

But whatever. Logic and reason are clearly not these dudes’ forte. In fact, they somehow managed to dig their own grave even deeper after someone reported their initial FB post for foul language, and they responded thusly:

So yeah I mean it’s possible this band has big things in their future. But in all likelihood, they’ll just be remembered as that band that was on MetalSucks that one time because they acted like total dingleberries.

Thanks: J.O.