Author's Note: Hiiiiiiiiiiiii everyone! I came here to post my story because I've been really inspired to write lately and I wanted to share it with like minded individuals! Thanks for reading, be sure to share it with your friends!

CHAPTER 1

Link woke up one day, and watched his naked body glistening with manly oils in the mirror. Damn he was beautiful and he knew it.

HE didnt even bother to put a shit on as he waloked out the door, instead strapping his trusty sword to his chest and a pendant of Malon around his neck. He was going to visit her, and confess his truest of feeling! But first, he had to go to school.

As he walked down the street to go to school, his massive thingy hung between his legs, shocking all the girls (and some of the boys) along the way. It must be hard having a big thing, thought all the other boys, watching link's member scrape along the ground, and even hitting a cat.

Link didnt care, because he was super cool, and really popular, unlike that shitheas davis that lived down the street. One day link should pay him a visit, and give him a real walloping!

But no time for that now!

Link entered the school, and everyone inside gasped on cue.

"He's so cool!" the guys said.

"He's so handsome!" the girls said.

Link smiled the whole time, without saying a single word, and everyone knew that each and everyone one of them had a special place in god's soul because link love each and everyone of them.

As he walkeds to class, crowds of people lined the hallways to look at him. It looked just like Moses parting the red sea, except it was Link, not Moses!

When he finally made it into class, his teacher gave him a amazing score on his essay. History essay to be precise, as Link really lovded history. But he also loved Malon, who sat in front of him.

She wore something nuns would wear, without the infidel headscarf, and missing parts of fabric on the clothing's upper thigh. Link loved staring at her upper thigh area, as it was the sexiest part of a woman;s body, except fro her ass n' titties though!

In the back of the class was some faggot named Ganon. hE was buff and emo,a bad combination. No one liked Ganon because of his embarressing eye problem. Every three minutes, it would shed a wart and infect the nearest person. So he sat alone, away from regular people like Link and Malon.

Link whispered in Malon's ear, "HEY LOOK AT THAT FREAK GANON I BET HE SMELLS BADTOO." he said, grinning from nostril to nostril.

Malon turned towards him, the face of a stern nun on her face, and let out a single high pitched bullet sound before creaking her head back to the front of the class.

"MAN, I SURE HOPE MALON LIKES ME," Link extrapolated in his thinker, while winking to all the ladies.

The teacher, , stood in front of the class, silencing it whit a quick "HOO," noise. She came straight from africa, at least tha's what Link heard from the bald kids table at lunch. They seemed to know a lot, so he listened to them allways. They even say she has a babbon baby! Wow cool!

She started scribbling on the board with her chalk, before turning back to the children.

"WHO SMELLS LIKE MAN OIL," she screeched like a ragin monkey.

Link proudly stood up, showing his manhood off to everyone "That's me, Link!" he shouted to the heavens.

"Well i hope you know you're oppressing all the women in theis classroom by using MAN OIL because MAN OIL spreds support for straight white people who have able bodies and functioning minds! The patriarchy is so mean to us!" she whined, scratching her head for lice.

Link, blown away by her stupid argument, responded with a supple "YEAH WELL YOURE DUMB."

The class laughed so hard, the chinese governemnt sent their thanks to Link for blessing them with his classes laughter.

Then the bell rang, and Link met up with his best friend MIdnaa, this nerd bitch who sits far away from Link because she's a nerd and has ned friends, unlike the popular Link!

"U-um, high senpai…" she said, crying a little. SHe had a big crush on Link, bit link didnt realize it because he had a crush on Malon, who was much prettier than the nerd Midna.

"HELLO MIDNA!" he screeched like a majestic eagel protectin its cub, "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?!"

SHe shirked back, scared at Link's unnaturally loud and suave and manly voice/oils that covered him on every inch of his silky white skin.

She blinked masive tears away, and held her breasts as she responded to Link, "U-um, do u tink you could give me kiss (´～｀ヾ)?"

Link stared at her for a few moments, his eyes focusing on her boobs more than a bird watchers binoculars on the mightiset of birds, the BLAD EAGLE.

Finally he came back to his senses, his manly logic coming back into his mind quickly.

"NO!" he bragged, causing her to burst into tears. He grabbed her face, making sure the tears didn't drop onto the floor, lest they ruin the janitors hard work over the night, cleaning the bodily fluids of overly sexual teenagers who didnt know what abstinence was and were to afraid to use it because they'd rather get handouts from the AMERICAN GOVERNMENT.

Midna whimpered, her face melting into his hands. She tore her face away from his god-ordained hands, and ran screaming down the hallway.

Link shrugged, "I'LL MAKE SURE TO MAKE IT OUT TO HER LATER." he extrapolated, her fresh tears on his manly hands/oils. He licked them, making sexy noises like UWAAAHHH as he did.

He winked to a couple of lesbians, who were immediately impregnated by his gaze. No homo in this high school.

Finally after a long day he left school, his two swords smacking the ground as he ran home, growing callouses.

When he got home, he threw open his Hyrule laptop, and texted Zelda with awesomeness. She was his best firend,who's a big cheerleader with big boobs and a MASSIVE vagina. Link liked girls with MASSIVE vaginas.

"LOL XD MIDNA TOTES CRIED WHEN YOU REFUSED TO KISS HER." Zelda sent to him.

"SHE CRIED MORE THAN A BELUGA WHALE, WHICH IS DISTANTLY RELATED TO HER I BELIEVE." link sent back.

Finally he went to bed really late past his bedtime, which his dead mother woul'dve slapped him for, but she cant do that now, because she's very dead, and link is not, who is living alone in his tre home.

Link went to school the next day, trailing bodily fluids as he walked.

When he got to school, everyone was crowded around Malon's locker.

Link parted them, and looked at the locker.

A dead Malon was hanging out of it by her ankless!