No wonder there’s a Scarborough separatist movement. My motherland is rapidly being cut off from the rest of us in the Big Smoke, thanks to the bicycult and its political pedal pushers.

One by one, City Hall is turning commuter routes to the east end into private byways for the handful of kooks who cycle in December.

Eastern Ave. fell first, in the David Miller era, with the batty Bike Lane to Nowhere that chokes traffic to one lane just east of downtown and runs nine short blocks before suddenly vanishing.

So we all switched to Dundas St. — until they slapped bike lanes on that, too.

Since I could not afford a helicopter, I moved downtown. But the eastward bike lane creep continues. Where will it spread next? St. Clair? Eglinton? Kingston Rd.? Port Hope?

Last month, the nursemaids at Toronto City Hall approved a full-on bicycult assault on Woodbine Ave., shrinking it to one car lane each way from Queen St. all the way up to O’Connor Dr.

Weary east-end commuters heading home on Lake Shore Blvd. will now screech to a halt when it veers north and becomes Woodbine Ave. And you thought the traffic jam scene in Deep Impact was scary?

Such is the insidious, hypnotic nature of Toronto bike lane creep that I missed the takeover of Woodbine at October’s council meeting. The fall of Bloor St. to the bicycloonies and their lobbyists has grabbed more headlines.

Then reader Robert Vinton, of East York, who lives just off Woodbine, clues me in.

“This project will be a huge waste of money,” he writes, “and at the same time result in increased traffic gridlock.”

Woodbine, Vinton reports, “is used very heavily during weekday commuting hours, but also heavily during evenings and on weekends.

“This project should be stopped before it is started.”

Fat chance, I’m afraid, Robert. The local councillor is Janet Davis, an effete elite crusader.

Plus, when relentless lobbyists like Jared Kolb, of Cycle Toronto, get their hooks on a street, they don’t let go. They learned a hard lesson when Rob Ford saved Jarvis St. for normal commuters.

Woodbine is not quite in Scarborough. But the new bike lanes — estimated to cost $400,000 and I’ll eat my driving cap if it’s not even more — are another roadblock to our long maligned and neglected eastern flank.

Ms. Davis laughingly lauds the Woodbine lanes as a way for Scarborough bike commuters to get downtown. Pffft. All those years in Scarborough, I saw maybe three such cyclists. They looked lost and scared.

A leisurely pedal to work? Scarberians have real jobs to get to.

But pretty soon they’ll be cut off. We’ll have to kiss Scarborough and her 650,000 citizens goodbye.

True, the Free Scarborough petition demanding de-amalgamation, does not list traffic constriction as an evil of the megacity.

The online rebels mostly are sick of downtowners dominating City Hall’s agenda with harbour prettification and other trifles at the expense of garbage collection and other, well, you know, BASIC CITY SERVICES!

They’ve had a bellyful of yappy, effete elite councillors who wouldn’t know Scarborough from a hole in the ground. Some of them think Scarborough IS a hole in the ground.

To the effete elite, it’s not the “east end,” it’s the “least end.” I fear they are using “bike lane creep” to strangle it into submission.

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Next time you’re cycling up the hill on Kingston Rd. at the Danforth, wave to the folks at Variety Village. Better still, donate to my Christmas Fund, to support the Village’s superb programs for kids with disabilities. Go to sunchristmasfund.ca

Strobel’s column usually runs Monday to Thursday.

mstrobel@postmedia.com