YOUNG: There’s a big difference between being physically naked and emotionally naked.

AKIRA: For sure. Physically, if someone doesn’t like what they see, whatever, that’s what I was given, who cares? But when it’s your mind you have full control over things you say and think. It feels a lot more personal.

YOUNG: There’s a big risk in that kind of vulnerability that isn’t necessarily there in the physical. If someone doesn’t like your body you can walk away from them. But when someone rejects your thoughts, it’s crushing.

AKIRA: It’s heartbreaking. It’s like telling a joke and no one thinks it’s funny. That’s the saddest feeling in the world. [laughs] And in addition to all of that, as a woman, I know if I get naked and have sex, guys are going to like it. It’s not that hard to please a man in that way. I’m not as confident when it comes to my words or thoughts. It’s so much scarier.

YOUNG: So what got you through? What made you push past that fear and what did you learn from writing the book?

AKIRA: My goal throughout the whole writing process, something I kept reminding myself, is that I just really wanted an honest book to come out. Honesty was number one for me. There’s enough porn books out there that reinforce the stereotypes of what people in porn are like. That’s not my truth at all. I definitely enjoy those stories, and they exist for sure, but it’s not my story.

YOUNG: When my memoir came out last June, my parents fucking hated it. Which was actually a really good sign.

AKIRA: That’s true, you wouldn’t want them to like it.

YOUNG: Exactly. If they liked it, that would mean it was probably a really bad book. [laughs]

AKIRA: [laughs]

YOUNG: So I loved that you dedicated your book to your parents with the caveat “But don’t read it.”

AKIRA: Yeah, I definitely don’t want them to read it. Oh gosh.

YOUNG: So they haven’t?

AKIRA: No, and I told them they would not want to read it. I think they’ll probably respect my wishes.

YOUNG: But that being said, they are aware you’re in porn and that it’s a huge part of your life.

AKIRA: Definitely. I never told them about it, but they found out six months in that I was doing porn. I don’t know how they found out. I don’t want to know. They’re proud I wrote a book and I think me writing a book for them justifies me doing porn in a way, because now I have a story to tell. It’s not like a got into porn, became a drug addict, and committed suicide. That would have been a sad story for them.