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Orioles fans, I feel your pain. I understand. This season is going nowhere, all your favorite players have probably been traded, and the immediate future looks bleak. There is still hope though!

Not to win this season (or next), those chances were ruined right around March 31st. I’m talking about the hope that all true baseball fans want: the chance to witness history. And guess what? There is still one player on your roster who can make that happen…

Chris Davis.

Yes, Chris Davis, “Crush” Davis, the 23 million dollar man!

Now hear me out before thou doth protest too much.

The Orioles aren’t going to win many more games this year and Chris Davis is having a horrific season. He has a -2 WAR on Baseball Reference and a-2.2 WAR on FanGraphs. WAR, which stands for wins above replacement, helps us realize that if Chris Davis had never left his home, the Orioles would have had two more wins this year. The standard for mediocrity in baseball is the ubiquitous Mendoza line. Named after light-hitting shortstop Mario Mendoza, the Mendoza Line mandates that any batting average below .200 marks an incompetent major league hitter. At the time of publishing, Chris Davis is batting .167 with 67 hits in 401 ABs. If somehow he got 200 more at-bats in the last 50 games of the season, he would need to double his hit total up to this point just to touch the Mendoza line.

His K %, or how much he strikes out compared to plate appearances, sits at about 35%. He is close to winning the triple crown of lowest AVG, OBP, and SLG for a qualifying player in a single season, having the worst average and on-base percentage of any player by a good margin and sitting in the 2nd worst position in slugging. Not only that, but he is currently on pace to beat the record for lowest batting average by a qualifying player in the history of baseball (.179).

In the HISTORY of baseball.

We have been tracking baseball statistics since just after the Civil War, and Chris Davis could have one of the worst seasons in 150 years.

In the HISTORY of baseball. We have been tracking baseball statistics since just after the Civil War, and Chris Davis could have one of the worst seasons in 150 years.

Therefore Orioles fans, I invite you to cheer for history. Chris Davis is making 23 million dollars this year, he owes it to you to provide some entertainment, and I think you should support him. It’s too late for him to salvage his season, so he might as well go all in on being historically terrible. Cheer every strikeout! Boo every home run! Encourage him to crush a beer with Buck Showalter before every at bat as he crushes his way into the history books!

Shoot, if Chris Davis tries a just a little harder and aims to move his K% from 35% to 50% he could have the strikeout record for the year too. As long as he makes sure he is equally as bad as he has been up to this point, he could also nab the record for worst WAR in a season at -4.

It’s going to take a lot of lack of effort, anything’s possible. I haven’t been this excited to watch a player go for history since McGuire and Sosa were slugging it out for the home run record in ’98. Crush Davis, history has its eyes on you.