I just got back from Winter Faire, which is sort of a Ren Faire type event. They had men dressed up in full plate armor beating the stuffing out of each other. The smoked turkey legs were very tasty, and my kids ran around like tiny whirlwinds of destruction. I’m surprised that no one died actually. It was pretty awesome.

They also had an amazing amount of people dressed in corsets… While I like going to these events it’s sometimes hard for me to know where to put my eyeballs.

As the great Jerry Seinfeld once said. “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.”

This is never more appropriate than at a Ren Faire for several reasons”

Well you should always treat someone like they are a person, not a piece of meat. Most of these girls have huge boyfriends willing to pummel you to death. And most importantly…. I could feel my wife’s keen gaze upon me like the judging eye of Sauron.

I’m kind of partial to NOT sleeping on the couch and would like to keep my worldly possessions so I keep my roving eyeballs strictly under control. 🙂

In an effort to help other men who may find themselves in the same difficult situation I have thoughtfully provided today’s comic strip about how to make proper eye contact at Winter Faire.

I’m a super nice guy that way.