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Washington, D.C. — Testifying before Congress today, Attorney General William Barr posed a new theory that perhaps the true Mueller report is actually all of the friends we made along the way.

Stating that perhaps there was a bit of Mueller’s report inside all of us, the Attorney General explained that he arrived at this conclusion after seeing many on the left and the right join together in supporting Robert Mueller in a show of bipartisanship often unseen in modern-day politics.

“I really do think that Mueller’s true intention was to have both sides of the aisle come together as one,” asserted Barr, noting just how friendly everyone in Congress seemed to act whenever they talked about the importance of the Russian probe’s existence. “Just think of all the friendships between Democrats and Republicans that never would have been formed otherwise. Now, that’s a darned good Mueller report if I’ve ever seen one.”

The Attorney General then singled out Representative Charlie Dent, a Republican who teamed up with Democrats in drafting a bill to secure the safety of Robert Mueller’s job. “Mr. Dent, I ask you: When you joined with those Democrats, did you feel like maybe that was Mueller’s point all along? Golly, I sure think so.”

Barr concluded his testimony with a reminder that no friendship is complete without hundreds of seemingly unnecessary redactions.