I’m always trying to better myself.

Whether it’s eating healthier, paying off debt, or improving as a writer, my life feels like a mediocre book. But while reading former How I Met Your Mother star Josh Radnor’s e-newsletter recently and seeing how positive he is in his musings, I realized the one thing I haven’t tried to improve is my own .

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not . I just have never mindfully tried to be happy. It’s always been secondary to , trying to not die alone, deciding where to live and so forth. But clearly Radnor prioritizes this, and he got me thinking maybe I should, too.

So, I reached out to the 44-year-old actor/filmmaker/musician and asked how he stays happy.

Defining happiness

Source: Josh Radnor

Before Radnor and I got too deep into our discussion, I asked him to define happiness.

“I think of happiness as something that’s more a by-product of things rather than a state to which we aspire,” Radnor said. “I think the dangling carrot of some sort of stabilized or permanent happiness is a bit of a trick of the mind, that we want some sort of perpetually blissful state to descend upon us and never leave. I’m much more interested in the ability to find peace in the midst of whatever’s going on.”

Radnor said he prefers not to use the word "happy" because it no longer “feels like the brass ring” to him. Instead, he prefers the word "centered," since his goal is more to stay sane in a culture that "keeps us distracted, grasping and ."

Later in our discussion, he recommended the book The Power of Meaning by Emily Esfahani Smith, saying the author suggests what we’re really longing for is not happiness but meaning.

“Meaning’s what gives our lives some sort of shape and heft and makes it feel worthwhile and bearable,” Radnor said. “Happiness doesn’t really do that. Happiness is like the weather. Sometimes it’s sunny and sometimes it’s not.”

Routines of joy

Knowing what Radnor does on a regular basis to stay positive is what I was ultimately after in this interview. I could just Google around and find studies on what makes people content, but I’m more interested in finding people successful at what I want to be successful at and seeing how they do it.

So, I found out some of Radnor’s routines, which include:

Daily transcendental meditation

Stretching and exercise

Eating healthy

Playing and writing music for Radnor & Lee

Making art with friends

Radnor also tries (and sometimes fails) to limit his time on Twitter, saying it often feels like a "leaf blower of negativity in my face." And he avoids (“my life is better without it”) and (“it’s not good for my brain or relationships”).

Many of these things have scientific studies backing them, especially meditation, exercise, being social, and healthy eating, which are all shown to reduce and improve your mood. Despite knowing that, I rarely do some of these activities. When I told Radnor this, he empathized, citing Paul in Romans 7 as he wondered why we do what we hate and don’t do what we love. When I suggested the answer’s because we’re both lazy, he laughed and steered us back to serious.

“Playwright and screenwriter John Patrick Shanley told me once: ‘You can’t escape struggle, but the trick to life is to find what you love to do and struggle at that,’” Radnor said. “If I feel blessed in any way with my life, it’s that I’ve isolated what I love to struggle at. But that doesn’t mean just because I make a living at it that it’s absent struggle.”

Fame and money

Many people seek happiness in fame and money. Studies show that doesn’t work, that once you reach a certain comfortable income ($75,000, according to a popular Princeton University study), money doesn’t impact happiness. When I brought this up to Radnor, he said that rings true for his life.

“I feel I was certainly sold a bill of goods in terms of this idea that when you get ‘here,’ you’ll be happy,” Radnor said. “I really was able to disprove that to myself by getting successful fairly young and being like, ‘Wow, all this stuff that I was promised by our culture that would make me happy has actually weirdly brought more despair into my life.'”

Radnor said being robbed of the hope that money, fame, success and status would make him happy is what made him depressed and set him on the journey to find out what would bring him joy. He thinks the issue is it’s never enough, that people who get what they want keep wanting more. Billionaires keep working, Oscar winners keep seeking awards. It doesn’t tend to generate joy like more sustainable activities, such as spending time with loved ones and completing passion projects.

“That said, I wouldn’t turn down an Oscar if they were to give me one,” Radnor said, .

When I got off the phone with Radnor, I realized I needed an attitude change. As much as I try to deny it, maybe there’s some part of me so focused on career success because I think it’ll make me happy. It won’t. Nor will seeking fleeting happiness bring me closer to peace. It’s time to prioritize centeredness, quit ignoring my mental health, learn how to meditate, take a Twitter break and read the books Radnor recommended.

But first I’m going to re-watch his film Liberal Arts because I’m lazy and it’s such a great film.