LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

For most normal people, business conferences are a chance get a paid day out of the office, make painful small talk with coworkers and come home with a bag full of useless shit. However, for up-and-coming businessman Thomas Cunningham (28) he was so glad to meet you at the conference and can’t wait to chat more on LinkedIn.

Following the Mid-Sized Suppliers Summit ‘18, Cunningham immediately sent you a LinkedIn request, followed by a message that read:

“So good to meet you at #M3S18! Can’t wait to talk more.”

Regret immediately set in as you now wished you had just started work as soon as you sat down, rather than procrastinating by checking your email and LinkedIn. Momentarily you consider ignoring Cunningham’s message until you remember he’ll be able to see you’ve seen it.

After much debate, you decide to reply with a simple “Cheers, me too” without an exclamation mark to make it clear you’re not overly excited about what you’re pretty sure is actually a pyramid scheme.

In the following week, it immediately becomes apparent that Cunningham is not going to let you off the hook that easy, sending you no less than six links to amazing articles and inspirational videos that he think will have some real value for you but only seek to reinforce your beliefs the young man is in the lower rungs of a multi-level marketing con.

One week from your fateful meeting with the aspiring Fortune 500 star, Cunningham shares with you his intentions of “Catching up for a coffee soon!” despite the fact you’ve only ever vaguely discussed work-related matters and don’t know each other at all.

Momentarily you consider telling the bright-eyed millennial that he’s definitely not going to get rich doing this and you’re not going to go broke trying to help him. Instead, you opt to block him and return working hard at a job you detest to make a man you hate just a bit more wealthy.