It started with Lapis panicking, an itch in the back of her mind that told her something wasn’t right. The tiny scaled swimmers all around them were acting strange, slowing in their movements and changing in color before eventually turning on their backs and floating towards the surface. As Malachite gained in strength, pushing down the two that made her, more and more of the creatures began to be affected.

“No, no!” The itch would intensify, and Malachite could actually begin to hear the pleas of her weaker half. “No, I didn’t want this!”

And then where once the two were bound together, two separate consciousnesses occupied Malachite’s mind. Jasper could feel herself grasping, floundering once again for control, but Lapis Lazuli took advantage of her weakness to control her again, to hold her at bay.

“We’re going to the surface,” she said, pulling at her chains as if her very life depended on it. “And Steven knows. The crystal gems will decide what to do with us. I don’t want to hurt this planet anymore!”

Jasper found herself clawing at the ground beneath them, just a breath away from finally grabbing her detainer.

“You little–!” was all she had time to say before being pulled back under the powerful consciousness of their fusion.

When Jasper woke again, she knew something was off. She lifted her head to observe her surroundings; her hair blocked her vision in a wall of sopping wet strands. The sky was dark and starry, and the world was silent but for the waves on the shore and the whimpering of the gem only an arm’s reach away from her.

“Hah…” Jasper grunted, finding it difficult to speak. She lifted her arm and reached for Lapis Lazuli, finding each inch of progress her hand made more impossible than the last. “I’ve got you now…. you little twerp….”

Once again, Lapis was only a finger’s breadth away, and once again, she avoided Jasper’s grasp. Just as her fingers were just about to wrap around the other gem’s frail arm, she disappeared in a cloud of smoke, leaving a blue tear-shaped gem lying in the sand.

It took Jasper half a second to realize what had happened. But of course Lapis would retreat into her gem; Jasper herself, even being so much stronger than the brat, was barely holding herself together after holding such an unstable fusion together for so long. But that didn’t matter. All she had to do was reach just a little further and take the gem, then get away from here as fast as she could…

“Lapis!”

“Steven no!”

Small hands ripped the gem out of Jasper’s grasp. She looked up and watched as the small gem took a few small steps back, holding Lapis Lazuli’s gem close. This was Rose Quartz in her new smaller form, calling herself “Steven,” Jasper recalled. Off further back running towards the shore line were the other three gems, weapons at the ready.

“Give that back!” Jasper braced herself against the ground to pull herself up to stand. Her arms were weak, and the sand was unsteady, and she had barely gotten her chest off the ground before she was flat on her face again.

“Don’t touch him!” the runt yelled.

“Get away from her, Steven!” Pearl cried.

“Restrain her!” the fusion demanded.

Steven took a few more steps back. “No, don’t touch her,” he said. The other gems caught up and stood directly behind him. “She can hardly move, it’s not worth it. She’ll just get mad!”

“I’m already mad!” Jasper managed to roll on her back, where at least she could see the gems without straining her neck so painfully. “I spent who knows how long underwater, stuck with that blue brat! Give that to me so I can make her pay!”

“No!” Steven replied, holding the gem closer. Pearl set her hand on his shoulder and gripped tightly, her face contorted into a scowl. Amethyst was squatting slightly, ready to pounce, and only held back by an equally tense Garnet.

Jasper sneered. “What right do you all have to be angry? If you were worth your gems, you would have properly defeated me before I was even dragged down there!” She craned her neck back until the entire world was upside-down. “I should be even more offended that the mighty Rose Quartz didn’t consider me worthy enough to take me down herself, and instead sent her shameful fusion lackey to fight!”

“Garnet isn’t a shameful fusion lackey,” Steven said, “she’s my friend! And stop calling me Rose Quartz, that’s not my name!”

“Whatever,” Jasper scoffed. “New form, new name, it doesn’t matter. Considering our history I had hoped after all this time you would have at least given me the courtesy of beating me down yourself.”

“I’m not Rose!” Steven repeated, louder this time. “My mom is dead!”

Jasper jolted, craning her neck back again. Steven was beginning to cry, and his words began to process in her mind.

“Wait…” she whispered, considering what he said. Everyone was silent for a tense moment. Jasper screwed her eyebrows together. “What’s a mom?”

“Oh, that is not the point!” Pearl shrieked. “You want a courtesy? Fine! Rose Quartz is gone and she’s never ever coming back! If you had let go of your silly grudge and checked in on her once in a while, you would know that!”

“What are you talking about?” Jasper asked. “‘Steven’ has her gem, I’ve seen it myself! Regeneration is not death, you should know th-”

“Yeah, well, he’s not a regeneration.” Amethyst relaxed from her attack pose and crossed her arms over her chest. “Rose gave up her form to make him, they’re two totally different gems… people… things. Rose is gone, Jasper.”

Jasper rolled back onto her front, and mustered the strength to rest on her elbows. The movement eased the sinking dread in her gut at hearing about Rose’s… death? “You’re lying,” she said. “Why should I believe you?”

“Look inside yourself, Jasper,” Garnet replied, putting a hand to her chest. “You know it to be true.”

“No…” She knew she had no real reason to believe them. But Garnet was right; Jasper could feel that something had gone wrong. She had felt it for the past few years: a dull, barely noticeable but persistent ache in her chest and shivers down her limbs. Like the tiniest fragment of herself had shattered away. “No, Rose…”

“Jasper…?” Steven called out. But his voice was distant as Jasper thought on all she had left of Rose in their memories together. And in how they parted on the worst of terms.

How so long ago, before this mess of a war over an insignificant planet began, they lived on homeworld together. How Jasper had always felt so honored to not only be in the presence of such a grand and elegant gem, but to carry the title of her best friend. To dance with her was like dancing with a waterfall of flowers’ petals. Rose had said being in Jasper’s arms was like being held by the planet itself: safe, and close, and home.

And as Bismuth, they were everything they could not be alone. The other gems sneered and stared, but she didn’t care. She was grand, grander than anything else on the planet. She was grand not only in her size and strength, not only in the way she reflected every color imaginable from their star, but in the way that there was no way any other gem could be more complete. She was grace and strength, beauty and power, success and satisfaction. As Bismuth, nothing else mattered, because she wanted for nothing.

Then the war for Earth began.

Rose had protested the use of the planet for growing new gems for some reason Jasper could not quite understand, and much to the chagrin of the other leaders of homeworld. Rather than backing off and compromising, Rose had openly defied the leading powers and directly attacked all operations at the Kindergarten. She was stripped of her title, stripped of her honors, and sentenced to be shattered. And much to everyone’s surprise, a great number of gems rose up and rioted, in support of Rose Quartz and her cause. Jasper was included in this group; although she did not understand the appeal of Earth as much as Rose apparently did, she knew if it was a cause Rose believed in, then it was worth fighting for.

They called themselves the Crystal Gems, and cut off from their homeworld and trapped on a planet with nearly no technology to speak of, they were killed off by the thousands. By the millions.

Rose had been distraught. More gems than she could ever possibly comprehend were giving their lives in her name for a cause no one was really sure of anymore. As their numbers dwindled and gems began returning to homeworld simply for a chance to survive, Jasper found more and more often that Rose’s only solace was when she convinced her to stop thinking about it, if only for a few seconds.

Once their numbers reached nearly a quarter of what they first were, Rose Quartz retreated into herself. She often avoided speaking to Jasper and spent an unspeakable amount of time strategizing for the next battle. When she did see Jasper, she never discussed her plans; she visited only for comfort and reprieve. Despite her frequent company and conversation, Jasper felt herself feeling… lonely. Her connection with Rose was still strong, she knew. But as time went on, and her inquiries about their next plans continued to be brushed off, she began to wonder what happened to the trust between them. Or if trust between them had ever existed.

As time went on, they finally began to win battles. Gems died on both sides, but the numbers of the Crystal Gems began to stabilize, and eventually grow as former soldiers rejoined the ranks. All was going well for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

Then, one day, Rose was caught by surprise. They were ambushed, and dozens of Crystal Gems had perished before Rose and Jasper even had time to figure out what was going on. By the time they had the chance to retaliate, dozens more were lost.

Shards of gems were scattered around them when, in tears, Rose begged Jasper to fuse. With Bismuth’s strength and power, they could at least get the remaining Crystal Gems to safety, rest and recover, and determine what to do next.

Jasper couldn’t remember how she had made her request. All she remembered was that she was angry. She was angry that Rose would not share her strategies with her, would never explain her plans, and would only seek her when she could no longer hold herself together. And she told Rose all this, and loudly so. And she demanded to know if that was all she was, and all Bismuth was: something to hold her together.

A cheap tactic to make a weak gem stronger.

The Crystal Gems lost that day. And Jasper returned to the homeworld.

Eventually, not much to Jasper’s surprise, Rose Quartz and what remained of the Crystal Gems won the war for Earth. Their message of disdain for rebellion surely got across with the deaths of so many gems under Rose’s leadership. So homeworld backed away, deciding one measly planet was not worth sacrificing so many resources and good gems.

As their ships retreated from the grand blue planet, Jasper could not stop herself from feeling the ache of never being embraced by a waterfall of rose petals again.

And now, Rose Quartz was gone forever. She would never have the chance to ask how much she actually meant to her greatest idol.

Finally looking up, her vision clouded to near blindness by tears, what she saw in front of her were the last three gems Rose Quartz had to call friends. The only three of millions, and Jasper had helped to take the Crystal Gems away from the one she used to call her best friend.

“Jasper…?”

Jasper blinked, clearing her vision a fraction, and saw the one called Steven stepping towards her. He turned and gave Lapis Lazuli’s gem to Amethyst, then continued forward. The gems did not stop him. Once he was only an arm’s length away, he kneeled in the sand in front of her.

They were both silent. Through her increasingly foggy vision, the young Steven began to look more and more like Rose Quartz.

Jasper blinked, and for a split second, it was in fact Rose Quartz before her. She blinked again, and Steven returned.

She could not stop the streams in her eyes from becoming rivers. “Rose,” she said, her voice cracking. “Steven, you have her gem, she’s got to be in there somewhere, right? Right?!”

“Uhh…” Steven turned his body to look back at the gems. “Maybe?” he replied, turning back to her.

A “maybe” was more than enough for her. “Rose,” she said again, lowering her voice to stop it from cracking. “Why didn’t you trust me?”

“Didn’t trust you?” Garnet twisted her top lip. “Jasper, you were the only one she trusted! When she planned strategies, when she discussed how many gems could be lost in an upcoming battle, she would not let any of us try to comfort her. You were the only one who had that honor. And you threw it away.”

“She loved you, Jasper!” Pearl cried out. Jasper could see now she had trouble holding back her emotions. “Rose Quartz loved you. How could you possibly take that for granted?!”

Jasper snapped her head up to look at the Crystal Gems. Her tears had stopped, if only for a moment. “But…” she began. “But she only came to me when she wanted to fuse…”

“Because she trusted you, Jasper!” Garnet stepped forward and put her hand to her chest earnestly. “I have been manipulated into fusing, Jasper. That day you left, Rose had not tried to manipulate you. She came to you not to fight at her side, but to fight as a part of her. She came to you as a last resort not because she did not trust you, but because she wanted to avoid risking you.”

“She wanted to protect you,” Steven whispered, looking down. “She didn’t want you to get hurt. So she kept you out of it as much as possible.”

“What?” Jasper looked back to Steven, silently begging him to say more.

“Well…” He put a hand to his belly. “At least that’s what my gut is telling me. Maybe that’s her telling me. In my gut.”

That was it then; Rose could speak through Steven, and Jasper felt the certainty as strong as she had felt the certainty when she was told of Rose’s fate only a few minutes ago. The tears returned, even stronger than before. She found herself reaching forward and taking Steven’s hands in hers. The gems tensed in protest, and held themselves back when Steven tightened his grip on Jasper’s hands.

“Rose,” she gasped. “Rose, I am so, so sorry. I was frustrated and let it out at the worst possible moment, and we could never talk it through. I was angry and brash and we both suffered because of it. You suffered more.” She clenched tighter, but loosened her fingers when Steven winced. He was clearly much weaker than his “mom.” But she continued. “I don’t deserve it. But can you forgive me?”

The world was achingly silent. There was no response for longer than Jasper could bear. When she was ready to scream in anguish, she looked up, and found the small Steven grinning brightly down at her.

“She already has.”