Written by Frank Stuhlman.

All characters copyrighted to Fox. I do not own The Simpsons or Bob's Burgers or any of the characters contained therein.

============Chapter 1:Tina Tells her Troubles============

Tina slammed the door to her room.

"SOMETiMES I WiSH YOU'D DANCE YOUR WAY OUT OF MY HEART, JiMMY JUNiOR!" she yelled as she threw herself onto her bed, sobbing, her words echoing down the hall.

"Ooooh, she's crying, Bobby. I wish you'd go in there and talk to her." Linda said, pulling out an envelope with their empty change rolls.

"Me?...I really feel this is something you should talk to her about, Lind." Bob said, fishing through his change jar for silver coins.

"But you're a man, Bobby, you know how boys like Jimmy Junior think, you're in his head, like a little bald John Malkovich man." Linda starts kissking Bob's bald spot.

"So cute!" *Kiss, kiss* "So sweaty!" *Kiss, kiss* Bob groans.

[cut to Tina's room. Tina is laying face up on the bed.]

"Knock, knock... Here comes your daddy..." Bob said creaking open her door.

"Hey dad," Tina said sitting up "I was just crying."

"Yeah, your mom told me. She said you might wanna...talk to me-if not that's okay- but I guess if you need to, I'm here already here, so..."

"BOYS ARE SO STUPiD!" she yelled, her face blushing bright red.

"OH MY GOD! TiNA, YOUR FACE!" Bob yelled, his eyes widening in surprise.

"STUPiD BOYS LiKE JiMMY JUNiOR NEVER NOTiCE ANYTHiNG I DO!" Tina sobbed.

"Oh, well, Tina, boys your age are confused, and intimidated. They don't always know how to expr-"

"I TRiED MAKiNG MY HAiR DiFFERENT!"

[cut to bathroom mirror]

Tina pushes hair behind her ears - "that'll get him!"

[cut back to bedroom]

"I TRiED WEARiNG MAKEUP!"

[cut to kitchen]

Linda is putting eyeliner and eyeshadow on Tina.

"There ya go my little makeup baby! Now you've got eyes like cleopatra! They'll call you the yummy mummy! ha-ha!"

"Thanks mom" Tina said as she put her glasses back on completelely covering the makeup her mother had just put on.

[cut back to bedroom]

"I even tried dressing more seductively,and now my shoes always stink!"

[cut to lunchroom at Wagstaff]

"Hey Jimmy Junior" Tina says as she sits down next to him "notice anything different?" she says setting her sockless feet on his lap.

"Uh,Tina what are you? - OH GOD WHAT iS THAT SMELL?!" Jimmy Junior cried out.

"Oh god girl you need to wash those feet! they stink like cottage cheese!" shreiked Zek.

[cut to bedroom]

"I guess I should have showed him before gym,BUT HE NEVER NOTiCES ME" Tina cried as she turned to her side,sobbing.

Bob supportingly put his hand on her back "Look Tina, all of that stuff is just superficial tricks life isn't TV and things don't work out like they do on... cartoons or something."

"Tell me about it, I bet Lisa Simpsons cold figure this out,she'd be smart enough!" Tina said looking over at her desk.

"Tina that's not what I'm saying,infact that's the opposite of what I'm trying to say-"

"And I bet if I could figure it out for her,it could help me figure it out for myself"

"No, Tina-"

"Thanks Dad!" Tina said hugging Bob.

"...well okay then." Bob replied wrapping his arms around her.

[cut to Tinas room,20 minutes later]

Tina is sitting at her desk.

"First thing I need to do is figure out who will be Jimmy Junior,Nelson is too much of a beefcake,and Bart is her brother..hmm.. guess I'll have to turn this Milhouse into a thrillhouse" she said outloud putting her pen to pad.