Attention to all denizens of the Cape Breton and the CBRM. If you see certain members of your community chasing each other down, brandishing colourful weapons, or running for dear life, do not panic. They are merely trying to kill each other.

Symbolically, of course. We wouldn't want members of our elite Cape Breton Assassin Community to actually terminate each other. It wouldn't be good for our economy. They will be using water, not bullets. People wouldn't sign up for bullets.

What I'm talking about is Cape Breton's Top Assassin. An elite, exclusive, and until now, secretive competition, starting today.





In early July, a mysterious organization known only as The Council of Two invited nearly 60 of Cape Breton's most dangerous individuals to partake in a competition to finally answer the age-old question "Who is the deadliest person on Cape Breton Island?"

Unfortunately, I was not invited. I'm ok with this, sort of...

The rules are simple:

You are given a target. You have 7 days to eliminate your target by getting them wet by any means necessary (hopefully with water). You are also a target. A fellow competent Cape Breton Assassin is hunting you. You must kill and survive to win this competition. You are hunter and hunted. After eliminating your target, you will be given a new target. The winner is the last assassin standing. The competition is played 24 hours a day, on the whole of Cape Breton Island. No time or place is safe. Your assassin could be lurking anywhere.

Once contacted, the competitors were instructed to visit a website, www.CapeBretonsTop.com, which on the surface, appears to be a simple exterminator website.

Absolutely nothing unusual about this.

But when you click on the super secret cockroach, something interesting happens.

It takes you to the true purpose of the site, www.CapeBretonsTop.com/assassin/, where the invitees could sign up with their name, neighborhood, and assassin code-name. That's right. Every assassin has their very own code name.

The number and identities of the assassins taking part in the competition is completely unknown outside of The Council of Two. All we know is nearly 60 people were invited. How many took up the call is anyone's guess.

The assassins are competing for prestige, honour, and more importantly, MONEY!

The last assassin standing will receive $100, and the pride of being the deadliest and most accomplished assassin on Cape Breton Island. The runner-up will receive $50.

And of course, the competition is about assassinating as much as it is about surviving. The assassin with the most targets eliminated will also collect $50, for being a raving, murderous lunatic.

Yesterday, these elite members of our assassin community collected their dossiers with their target's information, along with the code name of the assassin hunting them. Eliminations began at the stroke of midnight on Monday, July 18th. The competition is set to run for three weeks, or until only one assassin is left dry.

How do I know this information? Well, all it takes is some inside contacts and the age-old communication device known as "asking questions."

So, who will be Cape Breton's Top Assassin? Who is being hunted? Who is hunting?

These questions can only be answered by The Council of Two. For us, only time will tell.