Against my better judgement I went out to see the new “Halloween 2”. Granted, I didn’t think the first one was any good, and no I haven’t enjoyed any film by Rob Zombie at this point (even though my iPod is filled with his music)… but I thought “just maybe”. Perhaps it wouldn’t be as bad as I feared it would be. After all… G.I. Joe didn’t end up being half as bad as I thought it would be… maybe there would be something redeemable about Halloween 2. It’s possible right?

Let me make this perfectly clear and put it in the most direct way I can. To call “Halloween 2” I giant shitfest would be far too kind. I’ve never seen a “horror” movie so bland, so predictable, so boring and so ridiculous in my life. This is the worst film I’ve seen since “Catwoman” and now ranks as the 4th worst film I’ve ever had to sit through in my life (Just behind Battlefield Earth, Catwoman and The Highlander II).

THE GENERAL IDEA

It sucks so bad I don’t want to bother.

THE GOOD

You’re kidding right? Good?!?! There was absolutely nothing redeemable about this nuclear cluster fuck of a movie.

THE BAD

I honestly don’t know where to start. The fact of the matter is everything about this movie sucks on an epic scale and to point out any individual “bad” aspects seems redundant. I’m not a film critic, so I’m not sure I’m obligated to be forced to think about this movie any more than I already have.

I love Weird Al passionately… but dude… when his 2 minute cameo is the best thing about you’re movie, you’re in trouble.

Worst…. acting… ever.

I’m sorry… was I, at any point, supposed to be scared?

Did they write this movie on a napkin the morning production started?

I mean… if Zombie was going for: “Let’s make a movie that is totally predictable… lacks any scares or suspense… sacrifices all thoughts of common sense… have the lead girl squeal and scream all her dialog and put in the most ass raping nonsensical ending”… then yeah, mission accomplished.

I don’t want to talk about this movie anymore. I don’t want to think about this movie any more. I will never mention this movie again. I could have spent my Saturday afternoon napping… it would have been far more productive. I don’t know you Rob Zombie. We’ve only met briefly and you seem like nice enough of a guy and you make some kick ass music… but right now I hate you a little bit.

OVERALL

As far as a “score” goes… well… I’ve never done this before, but it must be done. Overall I give “Halloween 2” a -2 out of 10. Yes… a -2. Damn I’m SOOO mad right now that my Saturday afternoon was so utterly wasted. Fuck this movie.