First and foremost: I’m sorry.

Alright I still don’t know why I decided to captain this season but for some reason I did and this is the result. We somehow scraped by the regular season to playoffs. Even though we got demolished round one (fuck you bambino and your fucking broodmother), I’d like to think that we had as good a time as possible.

To Doca, who I drafted first due to an insider trade with Bjorn and thought he was gonna play mid: I’m sorry. I should have picked a carry player, I should have not griefed you by picking Soranos. I should not have been such a dogshit support player, and I should have learned more heroes. I’m sorry I made your season not as good as it should have been.

To DerpyDots, who I drafted second as a friend pick and initially as a carry player: I’m sorry. I should have read your player comments and saw that you wanted to play mid. I also should have asked for your and Doca’s opinions on other picks. I’m sorry I let you down for your last season.

To Soranos, who I drafted as a value offlaner: I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had prior history with Derpy and Doca. I should have done more research. I’m sorry that you had to lane with my dumbass for nearly a whole season. I should have made a better attempt to synergize with you as a player. I’m sorry I didn’t give you the best experience possible.

To ButterdToast, who I had prior experience with, and picked as a value support pick: I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to deal with me nitpicking certain things. I’m sorry you had to give up your date for this season. I should have been more judicious with team synergy with my picks.

However, with apologies come thanks, and I’d also like to thank my team for what they’ve done.

To Doca, thank you for playing with our team when it was so clearly below your skill level. Thank you for teaching all of us what to do, even if we clearly forgot the next game. Thank you for trying your best and having fun where possible. And thank you for playing with Soranos, even though I know you had your issues. I wish you the best of luck in your future seasons, your future qualifiers, and your future studies.

To Derpy, thank you for dealing with my botched as fuck player draft. Thank you for dealing with my constant @’s asking for times you’re available. Thank you for playing with my dumb ass week after week and somehow not going mentally insane. I wish you to have a bight and successful future, and that your stint in the military will do you well.

To Soranos, thank you for dealing with my picks that you had prior history with. Thank you for sticking with the team, even when I know you wanted out due to some issues with our teammates. Thank you for laning with me and my extremely subpar gameplay. I wish you the best for future seasons, and whatever may come up in your life.

To Toast, thank you for playing with the team. I know that some people had you pegged as an undervalue pick, but I still believe that you are a extremely valuable player. And even though the later half of the season may have been a bit worse, I’m glad you played it out with us. Thank you for trying your hardest, and for listening as much as you could. I wish your future dates won’t be spoiled by RD2L games, and that your side chicks love you as much as your main chicks.

ALRIGHT NOW THAT THE STRAIGHT GAY S HIT IS OVER FUCK THIS SEASON CAPTAINING SUCKS IM NEVER DOING THIS SHIT AGAIN ITS TOO MUCH WORK DOCA OWNS DERPY OWNS SORANOS U NEED A BIGGER HERO POOL AND TOAST U FUCKIN OWN

BIG THANKS TO MY STANDINS WILL, MANGO GIRL AKA THE BEST PERSON CUZ HE ACTUALLY STOOD IN FOR ME, AND DAVE GOD AKA FUCKING TECHIES PLAYER I SHOULD HAVE PICKED THAT GARBAGE FOR YOU AND IF I FORGOT SOMEONE ELSE HEY THANKS TO YOU TOO

FUCK THIS SHIT im out