Huge Corporation Assures Customers Latest Social Statement Had Nothing To Do With Maximizing Profits

U.S.—The latest in a long line of gigantic corporations to make a statement for the cause of social equality, McDonald’s confirmed Friday that its stunt of turning its golden arches upside down yesterday to celebrate Women’s Day had absolutely nothing to do with maximizing company profits.

“We do these things for purely altruistic reasons. No financial or branding considerations whatsoever,” a company spokesperson told reporters. “It’s just like when all the companies were overlaying rainbow flags over their social media logos during the whole gay marriage debate. No consideration of bottom lines at all in that case. None at all.”

The spokesperson went on to explain that even though they’re a publicly traded company, not even shareholder value factors into their social statements. “We’re seriously just great, great people. Just like you,” he stressed.

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