You know that thing that sometimes happens, that thing that's like, you pick up a sad rock, one of those dense, dull rocks that kind of looks like a potato, and underneath it, it turns out there was just a million maggots? That's kind of like this.

On Wednesday, HuffPost published a piece in which it recounted the contents of a lost interview that Donald Trump Jr. did with "The Adam Carolla Show" in January 2007. The conversation was taped at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. In it, Trump shared his opinions on a wild and varied list of topics, which included, but is not limited to: whether he would kill Donald Trump for the cash, whether he's attracted to Melania Trump, the size of his penis, the size of his father's penis, the sizes of both of their penises, relative to each other, and, as reporter Ashley Feinberg puts it in HuffPost, "just how much of a hardship it is to be surrounded by Playboy Playmates when you have a pregnant wife in tow."

(Vanessa Trump, his wife, filed for divorce last month. It was later reported that Trump cheated on her with erstwhile Danity Kane-r Aubrey O'Day.)



The interview, Feinberg explains, was taken offline at some point in the past decade, but a record of it exists on Internet Archive, a fact that is good for journalism and bad for the nation's ears and minds. HuffPost has the full rundown, but we've reprinted three choice excerpts here:

On His Current "Hell"

"Can you believe the hell I’m going through? I’m at the Playboy Mansion with a pregnant wife! It doesn’t get worse than that, does it? Now, I love my wife, but that is rough. And I’m going to pay for these statements later on tonight. I’m gonna pay."

On the State of His Attraction to Melania Trump, His Step-Mother

"I think she’s a very lovely lady."

On Who's Bigger

"You know, and I will get fired for this, but I’m never going to say that I don’t. I will get fired for that. By the way, they’re both pretty substantial I think."

Since it's 2018, sadly, this isn't even the first time in the past 24 hours that Donald Trump's penis has made national headlines.

Mattie Kahn Mattie Kahn is a writer who lives in New York.

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