I know I’ve written this somewhere before, but I’m still thinking about it. When women say things to me like, “You might change your mind,” it completely negates my choice, my emotion.

If they had said to me, “I can’t wait to have a baby,” and I had said, “Well, you might change your mind. . .” that would be rude. It would imply that perhaps I didn’t think she should. And it infers that I don’t believe she’s capable of making a huge decision about her life, or that her emotions which have informed that decision — which I may not have context for — aren’t valid. What if, when my best friend told me she was pregnant, I’d said, “You might change your mind, maybe you should consider having an abortion,” despite how excited she was?

Would you crush a woman’s excitement about motherhood by implying that perhaps she should terminate in case she changes her mind? Can you imagine the look of horror on her face when you suggest to her that she might be wrong about something that she feels so strongly about and that, in fact, one day she may entirely change her mind and end up in a fate that horrifies her?

How fucked up is that?

We’re not talking about growing up and suddenly liking brussels sprouts.

If you had asked me at 5 years old if I wanted children, I would have said no. That was 20 years ago. In fact, there are a few adults in my life who recall me saying, at 5, 6, 7 years old, that I did not want babies. I did not want to play with baby dolls. I would have rather played the housekeeper than the mother when playing house.

I’ve felt this way for 20 years. Lots of other things have changed and evolved during that time. I’ve remained open to the infinite possibilities of life and reached wildly for most of them. You cannot say that I am a person who is resistant to change or self-actualization. I am perfectly well aware that life changes and I’d be ridiculous to try to sidestep it.

What I’m telling you, however, is this: there are some changes of heart, some leaps of faith, that people should not take. Having children after years of resenting the very idea of it is one.