Having trouble being the friend I expected you to be? Of course, you’re doing fine, I just wanted to throw some thoughts out there. I haven’t even thought about this that hard, but here are some things you could do a teensy bit better:

Try

I can tell “trying” is not something you enjoy doing. That’s totally fine! Stay true to yourself, girl! But maybe you could try trying sometimes, or even a lot, if that interests you. Like just for kicks, try responding to my messages if your “Read Receipt” is turned on. Texting back really keeps the conversation going. Don’t worry; these are all just suggestions you can take if you want to be a good friend. Not like you’re not a good friend, just like, FYI.

Have Some Standards

We all have expectations. Mine are high, some people’s are not and maybe you’re one of those people. That’s not a judgment on you; we’re all different! This doesn’t make either of us better or worse. It especially doesn’t make you better. So if you just wanted to raise your own bar a little bit, like maybe expect yourself to be on time occasionally, you could make yourself happier by making me happier.

Give a Shit

Again, you’re awesome, but caring is always helpful in situations like ours, AKA “friendship.” You know, a situation where we want to keep being friends after right now. I personally would be overjoyed if you could pay attention while I talk about the weird thing my cat did last month. I’m just trying to help you by pointing out that the moments we spend together could be enjoyable if you put in any effort at all.

Be Better in General

You are a really great confidante, especially when you don’t tell all my secrets in a group text to your other friends. If there were just one place where I could see you might want to improve, it would be how your personality is. Could you try to make it better at all? Again, just a suggestion. Totally up to you.

Get Back The Twinkle in Your Eye

I love it so much when you yawn while I’m talking and stay on pause the whole time we Skype. But remember when hanging out with you used to be fun? Maybe we could try something like that again. Wouldn’t it be better for you if you were more fun and interesting? That’s really a win-win, don’t you think?

I’m so glad we could finally have this discussion and hear each other out. I’m so excited to move forward pretending we didn’t even have this heart-to-heart and never change anything at all! Thanks, you’re the best.