I don't write a whole lot of news posts these days, but I had to come off the bench for this: EL James, author of Fifty Shades of Grey, will publish and release a how-to guide on writing.

Now look, I'm trying to be a more gracious person. Walk down a righteous path. Care less about things I can't control, and concentrate on being the best writer I can be. But days like today, all I can do is quake in fear at the mysteries of this planet we call Earth.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, James' Fifty Shades trilogy includes some truly horrifying prose. This isn't a matter of taste; it's objectively bad. Which, fine, some people really like it (specifically: 70 million people worldwide).

EDIT: I had included a widely-used quote attributed to the book, but it turns out to have been made up. I'm an asshole and I apologize for the error. Anyway, carry on...

EDITOR'S NOTE: Here is the original, erroneous quote, which is too goddamn funny not to include. Rob actually had to purchase and search all three books to verify it was a fake. His penance for sullying the good name of EL James.

His finger circled my puckered love cave. "Are you ready?" He mewled smirking at me like a mother hamster about to eat her three legged young.

Discussion point: Isn't that a bit like taking nutritional advice from the Honey Boo Boo clan?

Seriously though, there's an interesting discussion to have here. I say she's a bad writer; a lot of people on this site tend to agree. And yet she sold 70 million copies. That's remarkable. So are we the ones who are broken? Is it our tastes that's out of step with the rest of the world? Is LitReactor home to the last remnants of a dying, obsolete culture? Will this book of writing advice be clutched to the bosoms of legions, and come to define the literary acumen of millions of people for years to come? Is EL James the messiah for this new society?

Is this the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a Fifty Shades writing guide?

Fifty Shades of Grey: Inner Goddess (A Journal) comes out in May and it will sell a ba-jillion copies and the cries of lament on Twitter shall echo through the universe.