According to a report by BoxOfficeMojo, 2011 will feature the release of 27 sequels, an all-time high (the previous high was 24, in 2003). That number doesn’t include remakes, movies based on toys (Stretch Armstrong), or movies based on board games (Battleship), but on the plus side, it *does* include Johnny English Reborn. Yay, Mr. Bean! I like the part where he makes silly faces!

Of the 27 sequels, nine are second movies (Cars 2, Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2: Rodrick Rules, The Hangover Part II, Happy Feet 2, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Johnny English Reborn, Kung Fu Panda 2, Piranha 3DD [!], Sherlock Holmes 2), up from eight in 2010. Five are third movies (Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked [!!], Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Madea’s Big Happy Family, Paranormal Activity 3, Transformers: Dark of the Moon), down from seven in 2010. Deeper cut sequels will be well represented all the way up to No. 8. There’ll be the highest number of fourth movies ever, tallying five (Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Scream 4, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn (Part One)). Fifth movies will also have their largest showing yet, numbering five (Fast Five, Final Destination 5, Puss in Boots, X-Men: First Class, Winnie the Pooh) [I initially read this as “X-Men: First Class: Winnie the Pooh,” which I like better]. There will also technically be two seventh movies (The Muppets, Rise of the Apes) and one mighty eighth entry (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two). (None of this is counting New Year’s Eve, which may or may not be a sequel to Valentine’s Day, or The Thing, which may be a prequel.)

Ugh. 27 sequels. The only way that could be worse is if it was a Katherine Heigl movie. I think I speak for everyone here when I say “Ah, catfarts!”

For the record, I meant “Ah, catfarts!” as an expression of disgust, like “Bah, humbug!”, in an ah-catfarts-this-is-sucky-news kind of way, not as in “Awww, catfarts!”, as in aw catfarts this is adorable news. Though catfarts are kind of adorable.

Catfarts.