Well, thank goodness somebody's finally broken through the bullshit and started speaking sense about this whole 'precious gift' palaver.

Mere seconds after Tony Abbot thrilled virginal types nationwide by suggesting their chaste choices were the height of coolness and La Gillard bit accordingly (get a room, you two), Liberal MP George 'stop me before I kill again' Brandis cut to the core of the matter.

"Would someone please shut this barren heathen up before she drags us all down to her hideous amoral level?" he seethed, or words to that effect, adding that J. Gillard should immediately cease and desist passing comment on anything related to: a. parenting and b. children, as she simply does not get it.

"I think Julia Gillard who is - has chosen not to be a parent - and, you know, everybody respects her right, in the vehemence of her reaction, in fact, shows that she just doesn't understand the way parents think about their children when they reach a particular age," was one particular point made, along with the fact that Gillard is "very much a one-dimensional person".

Too true, Brandis. You forgot to add "in my day, women knew their place" and "I SAW GOODY GILLARD WITH THE DEVIL", but I'm sure those particular press releases can be attended to in time.

Brandis wasn't the only officious type wading in with huffs and puffs and red-faced unbridled indignation, either. "Where was Julia Gillard's moral outrage when Kevin Rudd ... visited a strip club," shrieked Julie Bishop, perhaps forgetting in her confusion about which potential Liberal leader to buddy up to next, that Kevin Rudd never oiled his way through the pages of Women's Weekly doling out parental advice on how much one should pay a lap-dancer for a private session.

Is that what everybody's getting so wound up about? That politicians are forcefully shoving their half-baked morals in our direction? Or that only those who have "lived it" may dare pass comment? Do they not realise what a dangerous precedent they may be setting with such an insistence?

Thankfully I was once the proud owner of a hymen (low mileage, slightly shop-soiled, $530 ONO) and thus can speak with grand and sweeping authority on the subject.

So too - to some degree - can teen author and liberal user of the somewhat revolting term "V-plates" Alexandra Adornetto, who set chastity belts a-flutter with her opinion piece in the weekend's Age. "Being a parent gives Tony Abbott a right to express his views publicly," she states, possibly unaware of the contradictory nature of using such a sentence in her own op-ed column, before stating firmly: "My problem with casual, random sex is that while it might be physically pleasurable, it cannot possibly be meaningful or allow for personal growth".

Dear Alexandra does seem to be somewhat of an authority on the subject of sex and how participating in the act will likely lead to some sort of mental breakdown considering the fact she's never actually had any. Should we disregard entirely her prim and piously judgemental musings due to her unexplored territories? Or should she too be free to wax lyrical about the subject as she sees fit?

I lost my virginity (I shall use that idiotic V plate term when you hold a gun to my head) at a relatively young age to an absolutely wonderful boy with whom I was tempestuously and passionately involved. I don't regret a moment of it, nor do I feel in that submitting to a beautifully awkward and momentarily painful experience left me with nothing left to "give" a suitor (limping along with merely a personality and mind to offer potential husbands, the shame of it). Whether or not parents insist that their little ladies keep their virginities as a lovely gift-set to unveil before future grooms is something I'm sure they're able to figure out for themselves, though it's nice to know Tony Abbott cares enough to spout forth.

I can't speak any further about the subject as I'm not a parent and as George Brandis sensibly points out, nobody should pass opinion on anything ever unless they have hands-on experience and can prove it via depositions and authorised certificates.

Accordingly I look forward to his maintaining a dignified silence when it comes to matters of Indigenous affairs, refugees, the legalisation of drugs, and absolutely anything to do with vaginas unless he's got a secret hidden one he's not telling us about.

Which means that political debates in future shall be between white, middle-class people who are mostly gentlemen representing the population and what they think about tax-payer funded junkets and the intricacies of Parliament House catering. And I hope you all enjoy my future columns devoted to the topic of 33-year-old women who write for The Drum. Stop me if I get too one-dimensional.