Name: High heels.

Age: Five thousand years or so.

Appearance: Elegant, deadly.

You mean because they make you fall over? Nope. I mean because they’re a weapon.

Ah, you mean an erotic weapon in the war of the sexes. Nope. I mean because you can stab people in the head with them.

Can I? With training, certainly. A Canadian self-defence instructor called Avital Zeisler has designed a strategy for women who are attacked while they’re wearing heels, and the Sunday Times reports she plans to bring her classes to the UK next year. “I love to wear high heels,” she says. “I wasn’t going to let self-defence compromise the quality of my life or my femininity.”

Some might say high heels already compromise her quality of life by increasing the risk of chronic foot, calf and back problems. They shouldn’t say it to her face. Zeisler is a former dancer who trained in the Israeli martial art of krav maga.

So what does she say a woman, or indeed a man, should do if attacked in their heels? Option one: take them off and run away.

Sounds good. I’ll go with that. You might not have time. In which case there’s option two: run away while wearing them.

Tricky. But doable. You need to practise running on the balls of your feet only. Zeisler can sprint on a treadmill in very high heels.

What’s option three? Fight while wearing them. Lying down, they’re actually an advantage because you can perform a “defensive push-kick” with the point.

What’s a defensive push-kick? Think of it like stamping upwards “into the targets that are available”, Heisler explains in her instructional video. “Whether it’s face, the groin, whatever I’m dealing with.”

Ow ow ow ow ow … Finally, there’s option four: taking the heel off and using it as a weapon.

By hitting people with it? Basically. Hitting or slashing. Zeisler recommends gripping it around the midsole and performing a hammerfist.

Just remind me what a hammerfist is? Empty-handed, it’s like banging on a door. With a heel, it’s more like stabbing someone in the lungs with an ice-axe. “The heel is something that can really be used as an advantage if you put the effort into seeing it that way,” Zeisler says.

Could it make me a glamorous crime-fighting lady assassin? If by that you mean murderer then yes, yes it could.

Do say: “Have you thought about using guns instead?”

Don’t say: “They might look a bit funny on my feet.”