I feel

I am feeling.

I’ve definitely backed down from my obsession with spn since my freshman and sophmore years, but nonetheless

It’s a home. It’s a comfort. It’s inspiration and love. It’s so much. Spn got me through my first breakup. Introduced me to my first partner. Helped me through another break up, getting my wisdom teeth out, the second worst year of my life, accompanied me when nothing could lift me up. It encouraged two loves and three friendships. And my love for these characters is just as strong as back then. I look at them and they make me smile. Smile like I’m coming home.

It doesn’t hit as hard now as it would’ve hit a couple years ago. But I feel like, on a selfish level, that was intentional. That we grew apart just enough to spare me the full weight of this ending. It held off just long enough to carry me through this godawful year. It held off long enough to see me grow up through my teen years.

It makes sense, in a cruel way, that this show, the one about fighting agaisnt impossible odds and apocolypses, ends in the year where we find ourselves within one. We need to pick up where they left off.

Sam and Dean and Cas and the many other wonderful spn characters were my first “babies”. The first ones I claimed as my family. The first ones I cried for and laughed with. The first characters I ever connected to this deeply. I love them all.

No matter how much shit I’ve given you, Supernatural, no matter how much I’ve belittled you at times, or made it seem that you’re not as important to me as you actually are- you do matter to me. Incredibly. You’ve created a family. You’ve created love. Be proud of that. And be remembered for it.

We’re not going anywhere.