While your psychiatrist (and any sane person) would advise against it:

because your psychiatrist would know that these defenses you feel as superpowers are actually unhealthy coping strategies which do more harm than good. Getting rid of them is difficult in the short term while the rewards last a lifetime.

once you learn to manage your anxiety around people by accepting yourself and your emotions, you can begin to communicate more freely with people. One step at a time. That's when you should ideally join group-based activities. Follow your hobbies and passions where you are bound to mind at least a few like-minded fellows. Book clubs, social dancing, hobby classes are great ideas to pursue. If it all sounds like too much, start by finding one friend you can connect with and hang with individuals separately. It is easy to connect one-on-one with people than to join a group. Give yourself time and space to heal. Healing is a process. It has few benchmarks while at the same time, one might need to step back or fail and start again. Be kind and loving to yourself, and it would reflect, people would follow. Good people, mind you!

Hope this helps. I tried to keep this as concise and lucid as possible.

Source ：https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-advice-to-overcome-social-anxiety

I recently had a coaching client with the same issue. Telling him to “be courageous”, “Face his fears” would not help - because if he could - he would not have come to me anyway! I gave him an analogy which I would like to share with you.

Before that, let us identify the beliefs you hold which are keeping you stuck.

The test said “Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy”

You agree: “This is true and it is frustrating” You wonder why your mind acts this fearfully in these situations. You cannot figure it out. It keeps behaving that way…

So now you have a belief: “It has stopped me from being successful and achieving things which I could have, if I didn't have this problem”

At a level deeper, the belief is:

“Unless I overcome these thoughts, I cannot move ahead. Both cannot exist at the same time. I can either have these fearful thoughts, or I can move ahead without them”

An even deeper belief is:

“I am my thoughts.”

Hence the limitation of either holding fearful or positive thoughts at a time. After all, you cannot be two things at the same time right?

But is that true? Are you your thoughts? Are you your mind? Does your mind have to be ‘controlled’, ‘reigned in’ before you can do what you want?

Imagine you are sitting at home waiting for a few good old friends. You are meeting after many years. Your faithful, new dog Bruce is also waiting along with you.

Meet Bruce:

But every time a friend rings the door bell, Bruce goes crazy. He barks and brings the house down.

Why does he bark? Doesn’t he know that you can have friends?

Well he barks - because that is his JOB. Anything new is a potential threat to you. And his job is to protect you.

Your mind is like Bruce.

It’s job is to protect you from anything new - anything that is uncertain. Anything where the ‘protection of your identity’ is not guaranteed. So it makes a noise whenever you do something that you are not used to.

Coming back to Bruce.

When Bruce barks, do you cancel meeting your friend? : “Oh my God, Bruce is barking. This must mean danger. How will I meet my friend? How will I let him in?” OR

Do you assign special meanings? Do you say:“Bruce usually doesn’t bark THIS much. Today he is. What might be wrong? I have to take him to do a psycho analysis on him and figure out the reason so that he does not do this. Until then I cannot meet any friends.”

Do you try to ‘fix’ Bruce? “Why is Bruce acting this way? Barking at my friends? Unless I fix his psychological issues, I cannot go ahead with meeting my friends”

Why don’t you try to fix him?

Because you know Bruce is designed that way! He is just doing his job. Even though his barking might be too loud or even scary or irritating some times, it still depends on you whether to go ahead with your plans or not.

You are not Bruce. Bruce can bark all he wants. And he should. I would be worried if he does NOT. But you are not at his mercy.

You are not your mind. Your mind can produce all the fearful thoughts it wants. And it should. I would be worried if it does NOT. But you are not at it’s mercy.

When your friend steps in, Bruce’s barking might reach a crescendo. You don’t devote your attention to the barking. You devote it to your friend. Bruce just needs to be ignored or simply commanded with a quick “Bruce! Sit! Quiet!”

Sometimes Bruce doesn’t obey. Which is irritating. But still, you do not make a fuss about it.

You do not associate the experience of meeting your friend with Bruce’s scared barking or the intensity of his barking. You go ahead and meet anyway.

once you spend a few minutes with your friend, and nothing breaks - that is when Bruce begins to settle down. That is the only way he can settle down. And it’s not his ‘fault’. Sometimes he takes 5 minutes, sometimes 15. But he will certainly settle down, if you go ahead with doing what you were doing.

But you need to give him that chance. Instead of “believing his barking”.

If you ‘believe’ his barking, and refuse the open the door, Bruce thinks that he was right in his belief. You just made it real for him. If he ever smells that friend again, his barking is going to be much louder.

Yes, your mind makes a lot of scary noises when you put it in certain situations. Does not mean that what those noises are saying is real. Any more than Bruce’s barks are. The noises are normal.

Don’t wait for them to go away. Don’t hold your life on pause. The pause is what is making them more real, and hence making them stay.

Just take a deep breath. See those mental noises emerging. They seem really scary.

But you take a step ahead anyway. Not because you are brave. But because you know they are not real.



