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The Second Amendment is so clear and simple that only liberals, aided by a half-wit liberal law school professor-tariat that is to real lawyering as Jerry Nadler is to Chippendales, could pretend to be confused about its meaning with a straight face.

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

The whole “shall not be infringed” part is a real problem for the left, since collectivist Castro-channelers prefer that we Americans be defenseless serfs existing at the government’s (i.e., their) mercy when we should be armed, freedom-loving citizens with the personal firepower to veto their pinko utopian schemes. So, they fixate on the 2A’s passing reference to the militia, spinning a prefatory statement that recognizes that a militia is a good thing into a directive to cancel out the whole “citizens having guns” part of the Second Amendment.

In other words, to defeat its very purpose.

It’s a silly interpretation, and one that’s not even remotely asserted in good faith, but why not put aside all the constitutional arguments supporting our right to pack heat and just call their militia bluff? Maybe we should reinvigorate the concept of a militia in our great nation, if only to annoy liberals.

So, pick up your weapon and fall in. Let’s do this thing. America, let’s get our militia on.

What is the “militia” anyway? It’s not goofy dudes in camo playing army. It’s the American people. It was those farmers, blacksmiths and other assorted non-hipsters who the Brits tried to disarm and who got all shooty in response. Today, it’s us, you and me, regular citizens with military arms so they can cap criminals and tyrants like bosses just as Nature intended.

That “well-regulated” part is what the Second Amendment Truthers focus on, but their analysis here (as with everything) is all wrong. They think Congress can well-regulate the militia into oblivion, presuming to misuse the clause to regulate away any right of actual citizens to have firearms with the ultimate goal of a militia that can’t be militant. That violates the longstanding principle that you do not interpret Constitutional provisions in such a way as to negate them, but liberals hate the Bill of Rights so what do you expect?

Just for fun, let’s assume Congress can regulate the militia instead of the individual states outside of the situations set forth in Article 1, section 8, clause 15 (“To provide for the calling of the militia to execute the laws of the Union, suppress insurrections, and repel invasions."). If so, then Congress has already clearly chosen to regulate the militia by not really regulating it much at all. It has left it to us citizens to prepare ourselves for armed service, primarily by privately owning guns. And many of us are doing our duty, but tragically, there are millions of Americans who lack the effective modern weapons they need. This must change.

You see, that militia reference, when read as the liberals wish to read it, means Congress can regulate the militia to be more than it is now. You libs are always talking about the militia, so fine. Let’s make the militia a thing again.

First, we need to start by re-well-regulating the militia’s exact composition. United States Code Title 10, § 246 defines the “militia” as follows: “The militia of the United States consists of all able-bodied males at least 17 years of age and, except as provided in section 313 of title 32, under 45 years of age who are, or who have made a declaration of intention to become, citizens of the United States and of female citizens of the United States who are members of the National Guard.” Clearly, this definition is far too restrictive for 2019, as well as sexist and cis-normative. The modern militia should consist of all healthy, law-abiding American citizens (and those intending to become American citizens) between 17 and, say, 65. After all, back in the olden days, if you made it to 35 you were pretty crusty, practically Joe Biden-like.

Everybody. Basically, if you aren’t nuts, incapacitated, a crook or as old as a leading Democrat candidate, you’re in the militia. And that’s good, because a republic requires participation. For too long, we’ve outsourced the vital duties of individual citizens to our great first responders and organized military. No more. Time to step up, people.

You’re in the Army now, sort of. We all are.

Now, the militia is not the National Guard, which I’m a bit familiar with after serving in it for 23 years. People who know nothing often claim it is, but that’s silly. Review 10 USC § 246 above. The combined Army and Air Force Guard membership in 2019 is about 442,000 personnel. That’s about .001% of the ~329,000,000 million Americans, not even close to even the limited Section 246 membership. Moreover, the Guard is an organized reserve component of the United States that operates under state control except when mobilized – as an officer, I held both a federal commission and a state commission from California. My uniform read “U.S. ARMY.” I had the same training as active officer – in fact, like most of us, I spent years on active duty. We had guns (the same as the active Army’s) locked away in centralized locations. To join, you had to meet active Army or Air Force standards. It’s an awesome and vital force, but it is not a militia.

The idea of the militia is that it includes (almost) everybody, but everybody can’t join the military – only a fraction of our citizens can. The militia is different. It is about all of us doing our part personally for our nation, like answering a jury summons or paying taxes. Hey citizens, time to do your duty. Time to get well-regulated. And that starts with owning a weapon.

What kind of weapon? Well, the requirement for every citizen should be a firearm suited to combat – an actual assault rifle. The M16/M4 is the classic American military weapon, and every member of the militia should have one or an appropriate analogue. If you want to go with a 7.62 mm battle rifle instead of a 5.56 mm, that’s your prerogative. As a member of the modern militia, you’ll need to provide your own kit, and Kit Item No. 1 is some kind of rifle. You need to be able to defend yourself, your family, your community and your Constitution, whether with an AR, AK, FAL, SIG, HK or some other high-velocity acronym.

Oh, you need to have a pistol too. Supplementary shotguns are optional but encouraged.

Training? We won’t need a huge amount, other than requiring citizens to maintain proficiency on their firearms. Every citizen can show up for a month at 18 years old and take a break from dope smoking and their crappy Taylor Swift music to learn some basics, including safe weapons-handling procedures. Also, it would be a good time to do some basic lifesaving first aid training – stop the bleeding, treating shock, CPR. That’s not just vital for when the lead flies– what if you come on a car wreck and a fellow citizen has face-dived through the windshield and is spurting from an artery? What do you do? Oh yeah, my militia training!

If it saves one life, right?

Once initial training is done, then citizens can be assigned to local militia units with an annual muster. Everyone gathers with their basic equipment, updates contact info, touches base with the leadership, and then goes home after a BBQ to regular life until being called up. Don’t think they could never be called up either – I spent three weeks with the Army on the streets of Los Angeles during the 1992 riots and another week after the 1994 Northridge earthquake. LA is shaking as we speak; we citizens need to be ready. How long is there going to be nonsense going down if everyone on the street is carrying a rifle? Not long.

It’s not too much to ask citizens to take personal responsibility for their own country, and the ultimate responsibility is to defend it. That’s why the Second Amendment’s militia reference, taken seriously, means not stripping Americans of their ability to defend their freedom but enhancing it.

After all, for the security of a free state, it’s necessary that every healthy, law-abiding American citizen owns a real combat rifle and is ready to deploy on a moment’s notice to protect our people and our Constitution.

The Second Amendment prevents the kind of nightmarish leftist hellscape that I describe in my action-packed yet highly amusing novels about the United States’ split into red and blue countries, People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire. Hated by liberals and hailed by the sad Loser Boat crew from the failed Weekly Standard as “Appalling,” your right to be entertained shall not be infringed!