EU pissing itself with laughter after Britain proposes European naval expedition to deal with Iran

Policymakers in Brussels and across Europe has been trying to catch their breath and wipe away tears after a straight-faced Jeremy Hunt seriously urged European countries to create a dedicated naval force to counter Iran’s aggression in the Straits of Hormuz.

The proposal was seen by all as one of the finest political jokes in a decade, as explained by the French Defence envoy to the EU, Admiral Simon De Guillaumes.

“It’s just so good. You guys have spent the past three years saying the most important thing for your nation is to be no longer strategically aligned with us. Add to that, your newspapers and pundits go into meltdown at the merest discussion of a European Rapid Reaction brigade as if it’s a proposal to conscript all British males into a 4th Reich Wehrmacht. And now you want to assemble a European fleet because you can’t deter six gunmen on a helicopter? Priceless.

“The days of the Empire are long gone and you guys couldn’t organise a threesome in a brothel but when it comes to comedy, you’re still the champions. One ship jacked in the Gulf of Aden and you drop all that buccaneer nonsense and beg for help from nations that had the foresight to put airplanes on their carriers. I think I peed a bit when that came out.

“I’m willing to bet that a week after the pound goes below the dollar, Boris Johnson proposes some sort of economic and political union of like-minded democracies with a shared history and geography.”

Admiral De Guillaumes was asked how the UK’s proposal would be received once the laughter stopped.

“Go fuck yourselves. Ask Trump.”