The Modi government has decided to set up a separate Ministry for Clarifications with its own secretariat dedicated to issuing clarifications on statements issued by Health Minister Dr Harsh Vardhan. The move is expected to ease the load on the PMO which has been on a clarification spree ever since Dr Harsh Vardhan publicly held forth, first on the efficacy of condoms in checking the spread of AIDS and then on the need to ban sex education in schools.

Given the importance of the ministry, Prime Minister Modi himself is expected to oversee it with a minister of State, one with impressive technocratic credentials and loyalty to the Prime Minister, handling minutiae. An officer, of the rank of secretary to the Government of India, will liaison with Dr Harsh Vardhan to understand what he really meant to say and then work with a team of top notch undersecretaries to draft a polished clarification, replete with impressive words touching Dr Shashi Tharoor levels, one that should placate outraged liberals and anglophiles without upsetting the core BJP base.

While other ministers and their babus are expected to work 18 hours a day, six days a week, the Ministry of Clarifications personnel will log in 22 hours work days, seven days a week, given the nature of their mission. “Dr Harsh Vardhan says he has nuanced views on a range of issues, from co-education to skirt lengths of female tennis players to Sunny Leone’s pernicious impact on bharatiya sanskaar, so looks like the Ministry of Clarifications will have its work cut out over the next five years,” a PMO official revealed. Prime Minister Modi has reportedly instructed the Ministry of Clarifications’ babus to not hesitate to reach out directly to him, even at 3 AM if need be, for broad guidance.

The Ministry of Clarifications may get into overdrive sooner than expected. Dr Harsh Vardhan has now floated the idea of banning Algebra from high school syllabus, posting the following message on his Facebook page:

“I have nothing against Algebra, per se, just the crude connotations of the name ‘algebra’ along with the use of shady symbols like ‘x’ in the pedagogy associated with this discipline. I am all for pedagogy that is scientific and culturally acceptable but anything that even remotely affronts our sensibilities must be eschewed. I propose a ban on the subject until we can find a more culturally acceptable name for it in keeping with our ancient heritage and use of symbols synonymous with purity of thought and mind. Until then, students can pursue spiritually uplifting pursuits such as Yoga and Kabbadi.”

Ministry of Clarifications officials clarified to The Unreal Times that they will soon come up with a press release on what he meant.

(With inputs from Ashwin, Anshul Gupta)