I’m as frustrated as a pygmy at a Knicks game! Those damn hippies told us pollution was bad. They made us stop littering – which took the fun out of family car trips! Then they said to stop taking family car trips because they waste gas and make smog.

Then because they wanted everyone to stink as bad as they do, the hippies said we couldn’t use deodorant because stuff in the spray can was bad for outer space.

Now, I’ve been saying all this time that getting rid of pollution would be BAD for us! We’d spent years building up the strength to live with smog, so cleaning up the air would make us a nation of wimps – and I was right!

Our kids wear helmets to eat peanut butter sandwiches! Our cars are small and ugly, and everything fun is banned. I read on the computer machine that the World Trade Centers fell down faster because they built it without asbestos — after they found out asbestos could kill people!

But after all that, NASA says getting rid of pollution was bad for Nature all along!

NASA just discovered all the bad things in old spray cans were what was keeping the world cool! Know what that means? HIPPIES CAUSED GLOBAL WARMING!!

I never believed in global warming, but if we can blame hippies for it, I do now! And you know you can trust whatever NASA says, because they build billion dollar spaceships that blow up after thirty seconds if a piece of styrofoam falls off!

If you’d listened to poor old Ed all along, we’d still be driving big smelly cars, tossing fast food garbage on the side of the road, and giving hippie hitchhikers the finger! Those were the good old days!