Sanjeev Singh Bariana & Bharat Khanna

Tribune News Service

Mansa, June 21

Her uncle was shouting that she possessed evil spirits when he dragged her out of her house from Rampur in West Champaran district in Bihar about 15 years ago. She was married off to Gurmail Singh, who helped her family to the extent of Rs 30,000.

The pain of discrimination gradually lost somewhere in daily chores. This is the story of Charanjit Kaur who was named Margina when she was sent out of her house at the age of 16.

She adopted the local language and culture, however, a lingering urge for homeland continues to haunt her.

Her story finds striking resemblance with that of a number of other brides who were brought from Bengal, Bihar, Uttar Pradesh and Assam.

Called Sadhna at her house in Uttar Pradesh, she is now Manjit Kaur in Budhlada, Reshma has been renamed Jaswant Kaur and Sabeena is now Channo of Bahadurpur village. They had all come here more than 10 years ago.

“Life has moved on but the mere thought that I was given away without my wish disturbs me often,” says Charanjit Kaur.

Thirty-four-year-old Jaswinder Kaur, married to 60-year-old Santokh Singh of Talwala village, says. “Girls leaving their home is a global phenomenon, but getting married to an unknown person in an alien region is our stark reality.”

“Girls are often considered a liability, but we rescued our poor families from fiscal crisis,” says Sukhpal Kaur of Hakamwala.

“My family got Rs20,000 from my husband more than 15 years ago. My father used the money to pay off loans. I learnt that he got a gift of Rs50,000 for my younger sister too.”

Resham Singh, living on the outskirts of Boha, says: “Our brides, actually, have no reason to crib about missing their families. I gifted Rs35,000 for my dark complexioned ‘pyari’ 15 years ago. She was 20 years younger than me. I remember her fragile father grinning with cash in his hand. He had four more daughters to marry off. Could she have dreamt of a house with comfortable lodging and wholesome meals?”

However, despite living a comfortable life, a majority of them live in pain as there is no societal acceptance till date. “We continue listening to the phrase of ‘mull di teevin’ (purchased woman) from villagers,” says Jaswant Kaur.

While there is no official data on the number of brides brought from other states, there are a considerable number of cases. Villages in Sardulgarh, Budhlada and Boha belts of Mansa district have a high concentration of such brides. A survey in over 12 villages by The Tribune team revealed that each of the village has at least five such brides while a few have up to 10.

Former sarpanch of Bahadurpur village Ramlaj Singh says, “A majority of the villages in our neighbourhood have brides from outside states. There is no record, but everyone knows they had been purchased. Every village has five or six brides in this category. There is a definite reduction in the number of new ‘molkis’. In a recent case, Tamanna, a young girl, had come into the family of Manjit Kaur as bride for her son from her hometown Kolkata two years ago”.

An elderly woman, Satwant Kaur of Kalipur village, who remembers she was called Sharmili when she came here 25 years ago, says, “There is a decline in the trend of bringing brides from other states. My family was gifted Rs20,000 more than 15 years ago. Except for truck drivers getting girls to satisfy their lust, we are seeing very few new brides. Law is catching up with human traffickers. Girls who came more than 10 years ago and had stayed back are settled into the Punjabi culture.”

Not wishing to be quoted, a 45-year-old woman from Uttar Pradesh says, “I was brought by Nihal Singh in Rampur Mander village about 18 years ago. He is at least 15-17 years older. I was scared initially. Bauli, our neighbour, had returned to her home in UP after giving birth to a son. Her husband used to beat her up. I had heard several similar stories of harassment of brides. Now a majority of the brides I see around me are living a better life. Though I have not been accepted as a ‘bahu’ of the family, my basic requirements and expectations of the family are largely addressed.”

Echoing similar views, Chinndo from Mall Singh wala village says, “Despite having raised their families after bearing them children and serving them food, there is no societal acceptance for us ‘molkis’. It hurts us more when our children too are partial in their emotional attachment with us”.

Jasbir Kaur (not her real name) married to a Bahadurpur resident, says, “The only positive side to our marriage is that we were not discriminated on the basis of our religion. I remember we used to beg at the place where I stayed in Kolkata. We were treated as untouchables. Here I am living in a high caste Jat Sikh family.”

Gurnek Singh of Lakhiwala village whose mother originally hailed from Chhapra in Bihar says, “Having grown up here looking after my fields, I cannot associate myself with stories that my mom had told me about her home when I was young. Now she does not talk about anyone back home.”

Families of brides from other states are skeptical about journalists visiting their homes. Former journalist Harlaj Singh, a native of Bahadurpur village, says, “Families in the area had a bad experience of reporting their story by the media a few years ago. Most of the coverage was negative. Highlighting the problems of our life, none of them offered us any help.”

The mother-in-law of Sukhpal Kaur, who too was brought from other state, stood by her side throughout her conversation with The Tribune team. She interjected randomly, “Everything is fine”. In the house of Charanjit Kaur, her brothers-in-law sat with the visiting team throughout the interview. They kept on counter questioning the reporters on their intentions.

‘Social reforms need of the hour’

The phenomena pertaining to “uprooted” brides cannot be attributed to dwindling sex ratio and female infanticide alone. There can be so many other factors. For instance, I have come across a number of cases wherein brothers from Punjab shared one bride with sole objective to save any further fragmentation of their land, said Dr Parmod Kumar, chairperson, Punjab Governance Reforms Commission, and a social observer.

He said the prevailing practice suggested that irrespective of scarcity of women were being commodified. “If they are scare they are not getting their due scarcity value in the relationship paradigm. To put an end to the practice, we don’t need to implement any laws, but to start a social reforms movement like renaissance,” Dr Parmod Kumar added. — Varinder Singh

A case of ‘shared’ wife

Sharanjit Kaur (name changed) who was brought from Bihar about 17 years ago has three daughters and a son. Taking a seat in the compound of the house, her brother-in-law says, “The boy is mine”. A villager adds, “Eh kurrian vi ghar dian ne (these girls too belong to the house indicating they have been fathered by other brothers).

Sharanjit Kaur says, “There has never been any problem in our house as all of us stay together. There is nothing peculiar about our story. Many women who came from my land are living similar lives. We have the larger issue of working to feed ourselves and educate our children. Family issues are minor”.

Conceding to more cases of “shared” wives in the neighbourhood, Sant Singh, a former panch, says, “Such issues are never discussed publicly.”

Tied in a knot

Extent of problem: There is no official data on the number of brides brought from other states, but there are a considerable number of cases in Punjab. Villages in Sardulgarh, Budhlada and Boha belts of Mansa district have a high concentration of such brides. A survey in over 12 villages by The Tribune team revealed that each of the village has at least five such brides while a few have up to 10.

New identity: Most of the women were given a new identity after they were married to local youths. Called Sadhna at her house in Uttar Pradesh, she is now Manjit Kaur in Budhlada, Reshma was renamed Jaswant Kaur and Sabeena is now Channo of Bahadurpur village.

Not accepted socially: Despite living a comfortable life, a majority of the women live in pain as there is no societal acceptance till date

Trend on the decline: Former sarpanch of Bahadurpur village Ramlaj Singh says a majority of the villages have brides from outside states, but there is a definite reduction in the number of new ‘molkis’.

Changed fortunes: Some “uprooted” brides say the only positive side of their marriage is that they were never discriminated on the basis of their religion. Most of them came from poor families. Some even used to beg at their native place and were treated untouchables. Now they are leading a comfortable life.

Averse to visitors: Families of brides from other states are skeptical about people visiting their homes and making queries about their new member

Opening new boundaries: Women in this category are serving an important link in getting brides from their state for the boys of their present families. “Youths from poor families are still facing a problem in getting a bride. They are thus scouting for a wife in other states,” a villager says.