If anyone is interested, I’m renting out my bedroom in Williamsburg, Brooklyn immediately. I apologize for the short notice. The apartment features a kitchenette, a large (by New York standards, ha ha) bathroom, and a roommate that’s going to have some opinions on Syria.

I’d like to return to my apartment, but I know that as soon as I do, I’ll be confronted by a roommate with opinions on the Syrian conflict and a determination to share them with me. The apartment has high ceilings and exposed brick along the far wall. At only $800/month it’s a steal for the location.

I won’t listen to your god damn opinions on Syria, Mike. I won’t do it.

Situated between the L, JMZ, and G trains, it’s convenient no matter where you work and the neighborhood is loaded with great restaurants and bars. It never ends with Syria. It just keeps going until he’s shared every opinion he has and then he just circles back and repeats. Utilities included.

As for me, I haven’t been home in a week. I’ve been staying late at work, and then grounding myself at a bar until last call. Then I wander the streets until dawn breaks. Cold, afraid, and lonely; content only in knowing that I don’t have to talk to my roommate about Syria.

Oh really, Mike? “Apathy towards the Middle East is bankrupting this nation’s morality”? Stop using my shampoo.

The room is available immediately as I will never return. It comes fully furnished with a bed, a desk, my laptop, all my clothing, irreplaceable family photos, and little mementos from ex-girlfriends that I just can’t bring myself to throw away. It’s all yours. No security deposit necessary.

So please respond with a brief description of yourself and your usual schedule. Sorry, but there’s no smoking inside the apartment, but there is rooftop access with views of the New York skyline. Perfect for sunbathing or just enjoying a beer — though my roommate may trap you up there and suck you into a conversation about Syria. No pets.

Also I am currently in the market for a new apartment myself. So if you are renting out or know anyone who is, please let me know. I’m very flexible, all I ask is that there’s some form of public transportation nearby — providing access to lower Manhattan. And no roommate with opinions on Syria.