Kobe Bryant’s death on Sunday was shocking, unexpected and sad. He was too young, too talented and too untouchable to be taken so soon. “I can’t believe this was where his life was headed all along,” I told my husband over the sound of news reports speculating about the cause of the helicopter crash that killed him and eight others.

Just hours after the news of his death broke, the world of music gathered inside the Staples Center in Los Angeles for the Grammys. Alicia Keys, who was hosting the ceremony, called Staples – which is also the home venue for Bryant’s team, the Lakers – “the house that Kobe Bryant built”. The night was dominated by tributes to the NBA legend: from Keys herself, from Boyz II Men, from rapper Lil Nas X, and from countless others. Bryant’s legacy was celebrated, rightly so. His 13-year-old daughter Gianna, a rising basketball star who also died in the helicopter crash, was also in everyone’s thoughts and tributes.

On social media, while tributes kept pouring in, some took time to acknowledge another aspect of Bryant’s life. In 2003, the athlete was charged with felony sexual assault after a 19-year-old woman accused him of raping her at a hotel in Colorado. The case was dismissed the following year after prosecutors said the woman didn’t want to testify in court. Bryant publicly apologised to the woman, stating in part: “Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognise now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way that I did.” A civil case ensued and was settled in 2005 over undisclosed terms.

Among those bringing up the rape case against Bryant this weekend was Washington Post reporter Felicia Sonmez, who has now been placed on administrative leave pending an internal review of her tweets. It remains unclear whether Sonmez was put on leave due to the substance of her tweets or due to a potential issue regarding the name of an email sender. Regardless, Sonmez said she had received thousands of abusive messages, including death threats, for sharing a link to a news story about the case.

This is not OK for many reasons. Obviously, no one should ever be subjected to abuse or death threats. More specifically, no one should ever be subjected to abuse or death threats for acknowledging the complexities of someone’s legacy, no matter how uncomfortable they make us feel.

When it comes to eulogies, it’s tempting to only highlight the positive aspects of someone’s life. And yet, when someone as famous, powerful and influential as Bryant dies, it does us no favour to refuse to consider the very possibility of nuance in our tributes. It’s all a matter of time and place – so let’s take a closer look at these two elements.

First of all, place: it goes without saying that no one was expecting any of the major tributes to Bryant to mention those accusations of rape, and they didn't. But, for better or worse, social media is where we go to discuss all aspects of a major news event, including the more difficult ones. There needs to be room for this conversation to happen somewhere. Several of the people who mentioned the accusations against Bryant did so in a tasteful way, highlighting the need to celebrate his accomplishments while also bearing in mind the darker parts of his life. Some also shared supportive thoughts for the woman who came forward against him all those years ago. There was nothing wrong about any of that.

Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Show all 50 1 /50 Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures NBA legend Kobe Bryant died, aged 41, in a tragic helicopter crash in Calabasas, California on Sunday 26 January 2020. Four other passengers were killed in the crash, the LA County Sherrif Department have confirmed. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant dunking the ball at his Lower Merion, Pa. high school gym during a practice in 1996. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant, 17, smiles as he holds his Los Angeles Lakers jersey in 1996. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant drives to the basket during a Lakers pre-season victory over the Dallas Mavericks in 1996. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Waiting to appear in his first-ever NBA game in 1996. He was the NBA's youngest ever player at the time. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant winning the 1997 Slam Dunk Contest AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) He remains the the youngest ever winner. AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Shaquille O'Neal puts his arms around teammates, Elden Campbell and Kobe Bryant as they return to play the Houston Rockets in 1999. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) The arrival of Phil Jackson kick-started the Lakers to true contention. AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant's image overlooks the Staples Center arena after the Lakers won the NBA Championship against the Indiana Pacers in 2000. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant celebrates from atop a doubledecker bus during the Lakers victory parade in 2000. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant jumps over a row of fans after saving the ball from going out of bounds in the second half of the Lakers 107-101 win over the Houston Rockets in 2001. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant watching the clock run down in the final seconds of their Western Conference semi-final against the San Antonio Spurs in 2002. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant would form one of the most potent one-two punches in NBA history alongside Shaquille O'Neal, winning three titles in a row from 2000 to 2002. The pair later publicly feuded and O'Neal left. AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Sitting next to his MVP trophy he received at the 51st NBA All-Star game in 2002. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant was accused of sexual assault in 2003. The charges were later dropped and a civil suit was settled out of court. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Braynt changed from the No 8 to the No 24 in 2006. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant goes up for a shot between the Boston Celtics' Paul Pierce, left, and Al Jefferson in 2006. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant attends a gathering with his fans in Shanghai during his Supernatural Asia Tour 2007. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant was named the league MVP in the 2007-08 season. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Winning his first Olympic gold medals as part of Team USA in 2008. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant jumps for a rebound during a playoff game in 2009. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Celebrating the 2008-09 title win, a series where he was named Finals MVP. AFP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) He celebrated the Lakers 2009 victory with his family. AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) US President Barack Obama shares a laugh with Kobe Bryant during a ceremony honoring the 2009 NBA basketball champions at the White House. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant smiles as he carries his daughter Gianna after the Lakers 2009 victory parade. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Most valuable players Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal from the West team up the trophy at the NBA All-Star in 2009. EPA Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Winning the title for the second year in a row, Bryant was again named Finals MVP after an epic seven-game series against the Boston Celtics. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Smiling with daughters Gianna and Natalia with the MVP Trophy after his team defeated the Boston Celtics in 2010. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant slam dunks against the Sacramento Kings in 2011. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Playing with a ball during a sponsor's appearance in Milan in 2011. He moved to Italy when he was six, after his father retired from NBA to play basketball at a lower level. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Dwight Howard, and Steve Nash, arrived in 2012 but the pair struggled to gel and although the team made the play-offs they lost in the first round. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant dunking the ball against the Oklahoma City Thunder during the Western Conference Semifinals in 2012. EPA Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant went to support the US women's side at the 2012 Olympics Games against France, the day before his own final. AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant went on to win his second Olympic gold at the London Games. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant is injured in one of the last games of 2012-13, the first of a series of injuries that saw his powers fade dramatically in his final three seasons. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Daughter Natalia sitting on his shoulders during a practice session for the NBA All-Star basketball game in 2013. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Speaking after announcing retirement in December 2015. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Bryant in his 18th and final All-Star game in Toronto. He was named starter for every appearance, a record. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Taking his final ever shot - a free throw - late in the fourth quarter to score his 60th point against the Utah Jazz and his last at Staples Center. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Balloons and confetti rain on the court following Kobe Bryant's final game as a Laker in 2016. AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant retires after 20 years with the LA Lakers - the only player in NBA history to spend that long with the same franchise. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant watches a tribute at AT&T Center in 2016. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) With his family and city officials Bryant was honored at a council meeting with Kobe Bryant Day in 2016. With the date commemorating the 2 numbers, 8 and 24, he wore on his Lakers jersey AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) in Haikou in China's southern Hainan province on September 12, In 2017 he attended basketball teaching activities, as part of an announcement that China's first NBA basketball school was to be opened. He believed it would improve the game in the country. AFP via Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Both Bryant's Los Angeles Lakers jerseys, number 8 and 24, were are retired in 2017. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Kobe Bryant with the Best Animated Short Film Award for "Dear Basketball" in 2018. Reuters Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) With daughter Gianna at the US national championships swimming meet in 2018. He regularly took his children to watch other sporting events. AP Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) As a World Cup ambassador, Kobe Bryant, was part of the Basketball World Cup draw in Shenzhen in 2019. Getty Kobe Bryant: Career in pictures Kobe Bryant (1978-2020) Present at the finals he presented the 2019 World Cup MVP to Spain's Ricky Rubio Getty

Then comes the issue of time: sure, I understand that it might seem distasteful to discuss rape allegations in the hours following someone’s death. But if not now, then when? The news cycle moves on quickly these days. There is no way we can start having constructive conversations about sexual assault if we don’t make room for nuance and start painting a realistic picture of who attackers are – not just strangers in dark alleys, but also powerful, sometimes beloved men.

Another tweet concerning Bryant’s legacy caught my attention in the hours after news of his death broke. It came from Slade Sohmer, the executive managing editor of the video platform The Recount, and read: “Years ago Kobe was suspended for calling a ref a f*****g f*g in a heated moment. He didn’t give a weak apology and yell ‘triggered!’ He learned from it. Actually put in work. Worked with GLAAD. Called out his own fan for calling someone gay in his mentions. People can grow.” (Bryant was fined $100,000 by the NBA in 2011 for directing a homophobic slur at a referee. He wasn’t immediately suspended after the incident.)

That tweet is the opposite of a pile-on. Rather, it shows how much more interesting conversations can get when we stop putting people on a pedestal.