“But check the weather, because a couple of big storms are expected to blast the West Coast and the Midwest, and key airport hubs could see major delays. But do not worry, because there’s no reason you can’t have a perfectly good Thanksgiving eating Hudson News almonds while charging your phone in the pet relief area.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“A record 31.5 million people are expected to be traveling for the Thanksgiving holiday and, no surprise, they’re all taking your exit.” — SETH MEYERS

“I love Thanksgiving. It’s fun spending the day looking at passed-out relatives and trying to guess, ‘Full, high or drunk?’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Young people prefer Friendsgiving to Thanksgiving. In other words, they prefer fun drunk to angry drunk.” — JAMES CORDEN