With pressure gone, Stephan Bonnar ready to let it all hang out

Stephan Bonnar (15-8) felt relieved. It was the spring of 2005 and the light heavyweight had just lost a razor-thin decision in the finals of the first ever Ultimate Fighter (TUF) series to Forrest Griffin.

The stakes were high for fighters like Bonnar and Griffin, all throughout the TUF season. The winner in each weight class (Kenny Florian and Diego Sanchez met in the middleweight finals) was to get a UFC contract.

Sitting with Cagewriter after a lunch in his home of Las Vegas, Bonnar remembers the pressure at that time feeling great. After laying it all out in a desperate attempt to win the light heavyweight UFC contract and losing the decision, he felt a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

The feeling wouldn’t last.

Bonnar and Griffin both fought so well that, moments after the decision was rendered and announced, UFC president Dana White came into the Octagon and announced that both fighters were receiving contracts. “The whole time, we were all convinced that one winner in each division would get a contract,” Bonnar remembers.

“We tried so hard to win it, and when I lost, I was relieved. I thought, ‘cool, I guess I can get back to my life now.’ Then, Dana offered me the contract as well, and it was kinda scary. I thought, ‘Ok, looks like I’m going to do this for a living.”

Bonnar had fought extensively from his then home of Chicago, but did so for virtually no money. It was the college-educated fighter’s day job, and continued studies that paid the bills.

Suddenly, that was about to change. Bonnar’s professional life and identity was about to be swallowed by MMA. “April 9, 2005,” he says of the TUF 1 Finale date.

“That was really when I saw myself as a professional fighter.”

View photos Stephan Bonnar (L) fought the best of the best in the UFC, now he debuts in Bellator. (MMA Weekly) More

Identity crisis

About a decade of big fights, wins, injuries and other tribulations later, Bonnar retired for a second time, and was inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame. Stepping away from active competition was not easy on Bonnar, however much his body may have appreciated the break. But his mind, which had almost his whole identity wrapped up in being a professional fighter, had a harder time making the adjustment.

“Yeah it was hard,” he says, of retirement.

“I had stepped down from fighting, and had a position with the UFC, was getting my health insurance and all that. Then, I was offered the fight with Anderson [Silva]. Once again, opportunity knocked. I thought that I might as well jump on it. Things didn’t work out, though.

“I ended up getting suspended, losing my job, and all that. That’s when it really crumbled. I took stock and realized that every part of my identity was UFC-related. I was doing a lot of TV work, I had the t-shirt company, I was working with the company. My whole life was UFC, and when that all got wiped away, I had to look at what was left. It was a hard thing to go through. It was good for me to have had to deal with it, then, though. I got into day trading and finally found something outside of fighting that I could pour my heart and energy into. It got easier. It was kind of a relief to be able to pour my energy into something outside of fighting, and the day trading also became kind of my security blanket, financially. There was no longer the pressure of, ‘I’ve got to win to support my family.’”

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