FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CA—Urging readers to “stay tuned” and follow along on its website for more, Boating World Magazine was providing live updates Thursday as its team of reporters read through the more than 400 pages of the Mueller report. “So far, we have not uncovered any breaking news within the report about recreational boating or boating lifestyles, but we cannot rule out the possibility that the redacted sections contain information on the latest waterskiing trends and other family-friendly activities for speedboaters,” said executive editor Alan Jones, who promised readers Boating World would uphold its usual standards of journalistic excellence in its minute-by-minute analysis of the report’s findings in regard to fishing vacations that won’t break the bank and the best outboard motors on the market today. “We do have some promising leads: For example, it is entirely possible that some type of yacht or catamaran was used during Blackwater founder Erik Prince’s secret meeting in the Seychelles islands to set up a Trump–Putin back channel. At the very least, we’re hoping that at some point before we finish reading this thing, we find evidence of Paul Manafort or Don Jr. or someone putting on a life jacket.” At press time, the Boating World team had published its first update, which began with the words “Ahoy, there, readers!”

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