Cats are stressed. This month there’s a BBC2 documentary called Cat Wars (not exactly a soothing title), and in October a BBC2 Horizon series, ahead of which the anthrozoologist John Bradshaw has claimed that cat owners expect too much of their cats. Conditions such as dermatitis and cystitis are increasingly common, and often stress-related. “If cat owners understood their pets better, they’d recognise the demands we’re putting on them,” he told the Radio Times.

This is understandable. The UK’s cat population is estimated at over 10 million. Cats are no longer simply pets. They are social media stars. If you live with a cat, you are living with a kind of celebrity. Or, your cat is living with your sense that you are living with a kind of celebrity. (Symptoms: frequent taking of cat selfies, downloading of the photo app Snapcat, use of the hashtag #CatsofTwitter.) Apparently, living in close proximity to other cats is likely to cause your cat emotional strain too. Here’s how to de-stress your cat.

1. Know the signs

Cats have excellent poker faces. “They are silent sufferers,” says Pippa Hutchison, a clinical animal behaviourist. “Generally, a dog is referred because it becomes aggressive, but a stressed cat becomes withdrawn.” She cites toileting around the house as a classic sign of stress. Other symptoms include sleeping under the bed, excessive spraying, scratching, sweaty feet, and displacement activities. “You see it if other cats are in their garden. They don’t have appeasement gestures like dogs.” Instead they start licking themselves. This is not a sign of vanity. “If an animal starts overgrooming, especially around its abdomen area, get it to the vet,” Hutchison advises.

2. Rework your floorplan

Is the utility room really the best place for a litter tray? Would you like to go to the toilet while your flatmate fills the washing machine? Hutchison advises leaving facilities in multiple locations so your cat can use the one that suits its mood or temperament. “If you live in a three-storey house, put facilities on all three levels,” she says. If you live in a studio flat, put facilities in all the corners. “Use cardboard boxes or a hideaway behind the sofa.”

3. Your cat doesn’t want a friend

It’s a classic scenario. Your cat looks a bit down. You want to cheer it up. You get it a little furry friend. Didn’t you know there are too many cats in the garden already? “I would always advise someone with a cat not to introduce another cat,” says Mat Ward, a cat behaviourist in Edinburgh. “It is such a source of stress.”

4. This is a two-way relationship!

This can help with human relationships too. A cat’s purpose is not to help you unwind. “In years gone by, I don’t remember people wanting or making such complex emotional demands of a cat,” says Vicky Halls, cat and human counsellor, and author of books such as Cat Confidential: The Book Your Cat Would Want You To Read. “Don’t assume that if you’re having a relationship with your cat it gives that cat the emotions and thoughts and drive of a human being.” Halls thinks some owners choose to remain oblivious to their cat’s stress because to acknowledge it would be to admit that there are two of them in the relationship, and that the cat has needs too. “Some people would sooner believe that little face is happy,” she says.

5. Lay off the social media

“I imagine a lot of people who genuinely love cats will look at these pictures and roar with laughter” says Halls. “I look at them and see a cat who is not very happy about something.” And an owner who has too much time on their hands. “Ask yourself whether there is anything in it for the cat.”

6. Update your cat’s facilities

If you bought your cat a scratchpad when it was a kitten, it wants a bigger one now. It’s the same principle as children and clothes. “This is five-star stuff,” Hutchison says, “but the litter tray should be one-and-a-half times the length of your cat, from nose to tip of its tail.” Also consider what newspaper you use to line the litter tray. Headlines such as “That’s one freaky feline! Breeders develop a CAT that looks like a WEREWOLF and acts like a DOG” are only going to add to your cat’s stress.

• This article was amended on 17 September 2014 to clarify the broadcast dates of Cat Wars and the Horizon series.