Dear Abby: Wife of transgender woman refuses to get counseling

A male to woman transgender wonders if her marriage to her wife will work out.

A male to woman transgender wonders if her marriage to her wife will work out. Photo: Leland Bobbe Photo: Leland Bobbe Image 1 of / 1 Caption Close Dear Abby: Wife of transgender woman refuses to get counseling 1 / 1 Back to Gallery

Dear Abby: Two years ago, I came out as male-to-female transgender. My wife has come around since then, and our second child will be born before I start my transition. She has decided to stay with me, but occasionally she tells me she isn’t sure if she can be married to a woman. On the other hand, she says she doesn’t want to have to share custody of our children. I have urged her to talk to a therapist because she gets a few free sessions from her job. Because she doesn’t like people knowing about her problems, she steadfastly refuses. I won’t make her stay if she can’t handle it, but I refuse to tell her I’ll give her full custody.

Living My Truth in the East

Dear Living: If your wife prefers, out of concern for her privacy, not to talk to a therapist who’s connected with her job, that is her choice. But that does not mean she shouldn’t get counseling elsewhere to help her make rational decisions about her future. A support group that could also be helpful to her is the Straight Spouse Network (www.straightspouse.org), which has been mentioned before in my column. You should consult a lawyer who specializes in family law and gender issues. Lambda Legal (www.lambdalegal.org) should be able to refer you.

Dear Abby: I’m attending a close friend’s bachelorette party and have confirmed that having it in an adult club is “a priority” for her. I’m uncomfortable with the idea of entering such an establishment. We are all staying with friends, so I can’t just head back to my hotel room or go home. How can I excuse myself from this part of the event without causing too much trouble for anyone?

Ready Not to Party

Dear Ready Not to Party: Because all of the bachelorettes will be out of town and you prefer not to attend the “main event,” level with the bride about your feelings, give her your regrets, wish her well and stay home.

Dear Abby: I’m a 73-year-old man. Over the years I have sometimes cried over sad, heartwarming stories in books or on TV. I have also lost several loved ones, and I was never able to shed tears over it. Why do I cry over things that don’t pertain to me or anybody in my life, but can’t when someone I love dies?

Tearless in Wichita

Dear Tearless: People react to death in different ways. Not everyone can cry on cue. In your case, it may be less painful or threatening to cry over a sad movie than a funeral.