Changing my Twitter bio to “a six at best” in order to save Trump trolls some time.

Deeply considering the lessons of all the Off Broadway plays I have seen about nineteen-thirties Berlin, and of the first four Harry Potter books before they kill Cedric Diggory and we realize things are really serious.

Reënacting the entire plot of “Legally Blonde” but, instead of attending law school at the last minute to win back a guy, doing it to bring down the totalitarian government through a series of court cases.

Going to Trump protests, to voice my anger and to meet hot guys who don’t do comedy.

Looking in the mirror every morning and saying, “In Trump’s America, I am worth nothing.”

Looking in a second, smaller mirror and saying, “I am secretly going to burn this thing down from the inside.”

Dyeing my hair blond so that Trump supporters won’t immediately know that I am not one of theirs.

Finding a boyfriend, so that if Trump builds a Mexican-border wall I can use it in a performance-art piece about breaking up with my boyfriend.

Printing stickers that say “Congratulations, you’re a latent misogynist,” and giving them to people who argue that Bernie would have won in a landslide.

Printing stickers that say “Congratulations, you’re a latent Republican,” and giving them to twenty-five-year-old white men who “love to play devil’s advocate.”

Donating to the A.C.L.U. and Planned Parenthood, and not in the Trumpian sense where I actually use the money to buy a six-foot-tall painting of myself.

Inventing a male birth control whose side effects include weight gain, breakouts, cramps, and depression, and forcing men to stock up on it while it’s still covered by Obamacare.

Fostering relationships with mentors and older relatives, so that when abortion is illegal I’ll have people on whom to pawn off unwanted children.

Reaching out to my friends who are P.O.C. or L.G.B.T.Q. or Muslim or Jewish or female or otherwise vulnerable and telling them that I will fight with and for them.

Reaching out to Donald Trump by mailing him my used tampons.