Florida Man Marries A Baby

ORLANDO, Florida –

Jesse Nicely paid a poor Florida couple $1,000 to allow him to marry their 6-month-old son, Jason. The marriage is not official as it is illegal to marry babies in Florida, but according to the parents and Nicely, they signed a contract that states the baby is Nicely’s husband and when the child turns 16 they will be allowed to become legally married.

“Get them young,” Nicely said. “And raise them right. I’m going to raise a beautiful, young gay man who I will have a perfect relationship with.”

Nicely said he has never been able to maintain a relationship that lasted longer than a week and wanted to try a new approach to finding lasting love. The baby will live with Nicely three days a week so he and his young husband can foster a strong bond and spend the remaining days with his parents.

“For our honeymoon, I’m taking Jason to Hawaii,” Nicely said. “I’m going to teach him to swim and surf and fish for Marlin. We’re going to watch the sun set every night and eat breakfast in bed. It’s going to be so romantic.”

Nicely claims he is not a pedophile and will not have sexual contact with Jason until they are legally married, but he will “make him a homosexual if he doesn’t turn out to be one on his own.”

“Some folks will think I’m sick,” Nicely said. “But as God says, thou shall not judge.”