RWW’s Paranoia-Rama takes a look at five of the week’s most absurd conspiracy theories from the Right.

Conservatives have once again uncovered the truth about President Obama’s plans to impose martial law, destroy the U.S. and usher in the End Times, all of which will happen any day now.

5. Apocalypse Soon

Back in 2012, Chuck Norris predicted that the president would usher in “1,000 years of darkness” if he won re-election. But nobody listened to Norris’s warning, and now, we’re all doomed.

Norris took to the conspiracy theory outlet WorldNetDaily to allege that Obama is stoking “international Middle East fiascos” while “carting illegals into every American community with virtually no regard for safety in doing so.”

“Obama has literally helped build the environment for the Apocalypse, as defined by both Muslims and Christians,” Norris said.

Herman Cain, a businessman who won national attention during his aborted 2012 presidential bid, rented out his email list to a survivalist group which, Time magazine reports, shared its belief that “the prophets foretold will come for America in January 2017” as the country “will be destroyed by Vladimir Putin’s Russia in World War III.”

The email reports that Putin will launch an EMP attack against the U.S., leaving only those people who were wise enough to have purchased the sponsor’s “Survive the End Days” package to “survive the weapon of indignation and the aftermath of the invasion.”

4. America’s Fall

While the Apocalypse may arrive any day now, Rep. Dave Brat, R-Va., is concerned about the looming demise of Western Civilization.

According to Brat, a program allowing DREAM Act-eligible immigrants to join the U.S. military represents “the decline of Western Civilization at the highest level,” warning that the U.S. may go the way of Rome, which he said “fell because they started hiring the barbarians” to “be troops in their own army, and that led to their eventual downfall.”

Brat, a favorite of the anti-immigrant Right after he defeated former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor in a primary last year, said that there is no reason to trust such young immigrants just because they are willing to serve their country since “ISIS is willing to serve in our military as well.”

3. Multiculturalism Fueling ISIS, Apparently

Speaking of ISIS, Fox News anchor Rachel Campos-Duffy has her own theory as to why some young people have left the U.S. to join the terrorist group. Yesterday, she claimed that ISIS is finding success in recruiting young people because of “what’s happening in the culture.”

“I thought about it a lot and I think that what’s happening is that, think about there’s not very much assimilation and once kids go to school, we have removed any kind of positive celebration of our culture, of our founders, and so there’s this vacuum,” she said, lamenting that “kids from elementary to secondary to college are buying into this ‘multicultural, we’re the imperialists, we’re the bad guys.’”

Last year, GOP presidential candidate Ben Carson similarly claimed that students who take AP U.S. history classes are “ready to go sign up for ISIS” because Americans are “crucifying ourselves” and stressing “how evil we are.”

2. Jade Helm 15 Still Hasn’t Gone Away

It seems that wide news coverage, debunkings and relentless mockery of Jade Helm 15 conspiracy theories haven’t stopped people, including a disproportionate number of Republicans and Tea Party members, from believing that Obama is about to invade Texas as part of a martial law conditioning/Walmart-FEMA camp plot.

Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, peddled such fears on “The 700 Club” this week, putting the blame for the paranoia squarely on Obama and warning that the government is in fact planning to persecute conservatives.

One speaker at the Iowa National Security Action Summit, a gathering attended by several GOP presidential candidates, also raised concerns about Jade Helm 15, telling an audience member who was concerned about closed the Walmart stores that the military is acting quite suspiciously.

It seems the only way to resolve such fears is by electing former Texas Gov. Rick Perry as president, at least according to Rick Perry.

1. Obama Police Takeover

Naturally, when Obama announced a plan to limit controversial sales of military-style equipment to local police forces, somehow conservative pundits figured that this means Obama is about to militarize the police.

The editor of former congressman Allen West’s website suggested that Obama’s announcement, along with the Jade Helm 15 exercise, is part of a plan to invite “bad behavior” by depriving police of “the full arsenal of equipment to fight back,” stoking chaos that will justify Obama’s attempt to use the military on U.S. soil.

Glenn Beck similarly claimed that Obama’s announcement was just “a show,” as he is secretly inciting unrest with the help of the New Black Panthers and liberal groups, hoping that these organizations will “be instrumental in setting our cities on fire, getting us to tear each other apart, getting us to cry out, ‘Somebody’s got to stop the madness,’ and the president will be happy to do it with centralized control of police and a national police force.”