We all want to make a difference in someone’s life or the world.

But when social anxiety kicks in, I hide from opportunities to influence anyone.

Standing out in a crowd is like sitting at an empty lunch table. And sometimes, we’ll do ANYTHING to avoid being seen alone.

Pretty soon, we’re hiding in the bathroom of our own lives. Or..you’re literally crouched in a stall during your freshman year of high school.

Ok, maybe that was just me.

Lunch Time



It’s the first week of school and I’m filling my tray with an assortment of tasty treats: pizza, fruit punch, and those curly fries that Mom let us have on Wednesdays.

In the distance, I see the cafeteria — rows of rectangular benches filled with students. The noise is deafening. But everyone is sitting in a group. Everyone.



And as I walk to the front of the cafeteria, my tray starts to feels heavy.

I don’t know a single person.

A Seat at the Table



One step. Two step. Three.

I sigh a relief as I see Jake. Jake and I are friends. We talked a few times at eighth-grade band camp. So technically, that makes us friends.

He gives me a nod while his group sizes me up from afro to Adidas. But it doesn’t matter. All seats are taken.

Four. Five. Six. Seven.

I see John. We’re kind of buddies. The kind of buddies who make fun of each other in class but neither one knows if the other is actually kidding.

I lower my tray. But as I approach the table, someone else slides into the last seat. And they all scoot in to make way for my passing. Or to declare my rejection.

My tray is now trembling. The pizza and curly fry lunch have become a pile of bricks. My eyes are begging — pleading for an open seat.

And that’s when I see Kaitlin. Phew.

The Last Seat



Kaitlin and I were best friends in eighth grade. The kind of friends you look forward to hearing that creaky door sound on AIM when they come online. We even told each other our crushes. Well, she told me hers. I couldn’t tell her mine because it was…nevermind.

Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.

The noise in the cafeteria vanishes. Kaitlin looks up at me and the corner of her dimples start to form. Like I had seen many times before.

But just as quickly it disappears. Her eyes shoot downward. She’s pulled back into what I’m sure was a thrilling conversation.

I clench the tray with both hands. Their chatter stops. I reach to waive, but I knock my drink over. Thank the Good Lord that it was closed. But so is their group membership.

Hiding



At the end of the cafeteria, I finally find deserted tables open seats. But Social Suicide isn’t on my menu. Not today.

One, two, three, four. No hard feelings Kaitlin. Five, six, seven, eight. See you in Social Studies, John.

“Yo, TO!”, Jake wheeled around, “Where are you going!?”

“Oh, don’t worry! I’ll be back. I um…I just forgot some uh…some silverware.”

And when I arrived at the lunch line, I set my cinder block lunch down and just kept walking.

Until I found a seat where I could sit alone and not be seen.

I closed the stall door and waited for the bell to ring. I wasn’t really hungry by then anyway.

Engines of Social Anxiety



It’s tempting to think that I’m anxious because of the situation, but there’s something deeper. Maybe you can find it.

So…what did I want throughout the story? (Or, “didn’t want”)

Show Answer

I didn’t want to be seen sitting alone. Nothing wrong with that

But…why was I SO ANXIOUS about being seen alone?

Show Answer

I’ve based my self worth on what people think of me

So what do I think if I lose their approval?

Show Answer

If I lose their approval, then I’ll be ruined

Bingo! This little nugget is what drives my social anxiety.

But is it actually true? Maybe I just forgot that my self-worth comes from what I know is good about me, not just what other people like.

It’s a shame I didn’t know that then…

Seat or Stall



I spent my lunch period in that stall for longer than I’d like to admit. But eventually, I did find a seat at that table.

And yet, I still hide.

I hide my opinions. I hide my faith. I hide what I’m passionate about. No matter how old I get, I’m still terrified to be the only one at my table.

So I exchange my seat for a stall in the back. Hiding in the bathroom, I flush my influence down the drain.

Maybe you hide too. But we don’t have to.

We can muster the courage to sit at our own table. And who knows, maybe others will join.

Your Own Table



When we base our worth on people’s approval, we’ll anxiously search for a seat. But if we remember why we’re worth sitting next to, we can influence others.

So, write down your answer to this: “If people don’t approve of me, why am I still valuable?”

Read it over and over when you feel social anxiety. Let’s make our own table.

See ya next week,

-T.O.

What about you? When do you “hide in the bathroom” of your own life ?