We arrived home last night to a package rumbling about by the front door. We carefully transported the package inside though in hindsight this probably wasn't the best move considering the warnings clearly written all over the box. We were unprepared for the fury we were about to unleash.

DINOSAURS EVERYWHERE!

They had completely infested the package and were very upset with us for disturbing them. Like a swarm of riled bees they viciously protected their nest of treasures! After a half hour or so fending off the business end of a stegosaurus we manage to recover an orangered envelope which contained a kind letter with most excellent illustrations from Failcake. Next we managed to wrestle an 8x10 photo of myself sledding with the reddit alien. It took some effort but in all we managed to secure five packages from the beasts, all with cleverly written notes hinting at the contents.

First was a book titled The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, a quick google tells me it's amazing and I'm very much looking forward to reading it. Next was a travel mug adorned with a caffeine molecule, timing on this couldn't have been more perfect as I had just thrown away my old mug because it leaked all over my desk at work. Then we had some candy bracelets, the girls were excited until I told them I was keeping them. I suspect they didn't take this news kindly but I'm not entirely sure because all I remember is waking up with a killer headache sans bracelets. The girls had mysteriously vanished. After I cleaned up the blood I proceeded to the next package, pop rocks to make up for the missing bracelets! After again picking myself up off the floor and getting an icepack for my mysterious and ever worsening headache I moved on to the next package without inquiring as to the whereabouts of my pop rocks. The final package was a tech support flowchart t-shirt which is amazing! I plan to wear it whenever I get on r/techsupport or make house calls to the relatives.

Concerning the dinosaur infestation, as luck would have it I happened to have a few dinosaurs of my own and they were kind enough to broker a treaty with the horde that infested Failcake's package. I wished I'd thought of that before I sacrificed my throw pillows.

Failcake's gifts were fantastic, thoughtful and amazingly appropriate, I will enjoy each and every one. I'm truly grateful!

TLDR; You should have been there man, it was epic.