CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has today taken great pleasure in threatening to kill another pair of Hollywood icons.

Tom Hanks and his wife, Rita Wilson, have been given until Saturday to get out of the country or they will be put down – after bringing Coronavirus into Australia without declaring it to quarantine.

Tom Hanks said on Wednesday that he and his wife, Rita Wilson, have unfortunately tested positive to the bat flu.

Mr. Hanks and Ms. Wilson, both 63, are in Australia, where he was set to film a movie about the life of Elvis Presley. He has since released a statement clarifying his diagnosis.

“We felt a bit tired, like we had colds, and some body aches,” the Academy Award-winning actor said in a statement.

“Rita had some chills that came and went. Slight fevers, too. To play things right, as is needed in the world right now, we were tested for the coronavirus, and were found to be positive.”

While Hanks and his wife are now in self-quarantine, the couple has been informed they are not doing enough in the eyes of the Coalition Government.

The Member For New England has taken it upon himself to eradicate the threat of COVID-19 spreading further due to the Hollywood elites.

While Barnaby Joyce is no longer the Minister for Agriculture, the Morrison government have once again entrusted him with the ongoing responsibility of intimidating movie stars for cheap political points because the Quiet Australians secretly hate succesful bloody yanks.

This is the first time he has (publicly) threatened to kill on behalf of the Australian government.

In 2016, Barnaby Joyce made headlines across the world when, as Federal Agriculture Minister, he declared Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s pet dogs (Pistol and Boo) should “bugger off” back to the US or he might be forced to have them put down.

While Tom Hanks and his wife don’t necessarily represent a biosafety hazard, the government is unanimous in its position that they should be treated like one.

However, the decision to kill Hanks and Wilson – should they be uncooperative – does not sit well with current Deputy PM and Barnaby Joyce’s faction rival Michael McCormack MP.

“I wanna find out more about this Elvis movie,” said McCormack.

“Remember when I dressed up as Elvis for the Parkes Elvis Festival. That’s my thing now. Barnaby is the volatile drunken rooter of the National Party, I’m the Elvis guy”

“Someone please listen to me”

“I’m technically second in charge.”



