At the urging of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, Yoko Ono has agreed to sing, to keep residents off of city streets.

Governor Cuomo stated “Yoko will be used strategically wherever and whenever a crowd forms. Just today we deployed Ms. Ono to Crown Heights, Brooklyn, where a wedding was taking place. There were 300 guests congregating and within 3 minutes, the streets were completely empty. It was a sight to see, those people were running through the streets and jumping out of windows to escape the horrific screeching.”

No one will know where or when Yoko will pop up and begin her screaming and caterwauling. For extreme cases, Yoko will perform her latest single, “Ear Splitter”. “I call that song the ‘H’ bomb”, said Cuomo. “It’s actually a little cruel, but extreme times call for extreme measures.”

Get Inside Or Listen to Yoko!

Yoko Ono music was used on prisoners at Guantanamo Bay until Amnesty International declared it to be a form of war crimes and it was outlawed.

Yoko said she got her sound inspiration when she was a little girl. “I saw a cat get run over by a car once and I just thought it was the most beautiful sound. I have been trying to emulate it ever since.”

Other states will begin using Yoko impersonators or play her recorded music to scare citizens off the streets and back into their houses where they belong.

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