Kids? Your father and I called this family meeting to discuss something extremely important. I hate baking. I hate baking so much. Junior? Stop crying. You know this family only weeps on Wednesdays and today is Thursday. On Thursdays we Crush Dreams.

No. I do not love baking. I don’t even plain old like it. I put on a brave face but I fucking hate it. Nothing is ever quite right, I waste ingredients, I get chocolate everywhere, I get batter everywhere the chocolate missed. It’s a filthy unfun time that often ends with me saying things like, “well, it’s good considering [something/anything].” So I’m especially shocked I liked this mini cupcake recipe I came up with. Let’s be real, I’m a sucker for pink foods. And let’s be even realer, I love things stuffed with chocolate. That’s why I find myself stuffed with chocolate so often. Because self-loathing is a real thing and stuffing things with chocolate, if you remember, is a realer thing.

Back to the recipe that I surprisingly didn’t hate! These little adorable girl’s-best-friend-in-a-non-emotional-eating-kind-of-way goodies are perfect for any day but mostly Valentine’s Day. Why, you ask? I love it when you ask question! You’re just so darn inquisitive and that’s especially charming because you are most likely a woman. Fun! (I am a woman so I am allowed to be misogynistic. That’s how that works.)

Let’s break down why each mini muffin bite is perfect for the one you love:

They’re pink! It’s a fact that your heart with instantly feel warmer, glow brighter, and beat just a touch faster at the sight of pink baked goods. And that’s not only because of the bugs! That’s only part of it! The other part is love! Thanks to some key flours, peanut butter, and vegan protein powder these have added protein and protein is perfect for those who like to work out and you, my friend, if you play your cards right/buy the right kind of chocolates/tell me I’m pretty, you’re going to need that added protein on Valentine’s Night. Amiright, folks? Hello! They’re vegan and if you’re a dude with a vegan girlfriend and you bake these for said vegan girlfriend, she will literally go bananas over it. And you. Then she’ll make ice cream out of those bananas. Then she will insist you get your protein. AMIRIGHT. Good dark chocolate is anywhere from 70% to 85% cocoa and 30% to 15% passion. Great dark chocolate is already waiting for you in bed. (Emotional eating!) Wait, what was this list for again?

You may not be lucky enough to be with someone you love this Valentine’s Day, but luck has nothing to do with these muffins. They’re just good.

Ok. Luck had a little to do with them. All the other points are true. Ish.

Let’s get baking.

V-DAY CHOCOLATE STUFFED MINI CUPCAKES + YOGURT + COCONUT

makes 2 dozen

ingredients:

½ cup gluten-free flour (Bob’s Red Mill is my jam)

¼ cup + 2 tablespoons almond flour

one scoop (a ¼ cup or so) vanilla flavored vegan protein powder (I used a shake packet of Vega Viva Vanilla and it was surprisingly good despite the surprisingly terrible name)

½ teaspoon baking soda

¼ teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons vegan butter, melted

2 tablespoons creamy natural peanut butter (“natural” as in the kind with the oil)

4 packets Truvia

1 teaspoon Splenda Brown Sugar Blend

½ cup (one of those 4 oz single servings) unsweetened applesauce

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

⅓ to ½ cup of almond milk, divided (we’ll discuss this later. Get excited!)

1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

red food coloring

¼ bar of extra dark chocolate like Sweet Riot (equivalent to about 25g), roughly chopped

some vanilla vegan yogurt

15g or so shredded unsweetened coconut

remember that time I was totally misogynistic and it was weird?

Pre-heat your over to 350. Either line a mini cupcake tin with mini cupcake wrappers or spray it with some baking spray. I tried out both ways and preferred the baking spray greased results. Set aside.

In a medium bowl, combine your flours, protein powder, baking soda, and salt. Either sift it all together or whisk it aggressively. Sometimes almond flour can be chunky and we don’t want our almond flour to be chunky. No sir. Set aside.

Take ¼ cup of your almond milk and combine it with the apple cider vinegar. Let it sit while we do this next stuff. If you’re keeping score at home, this is your buttermilk replacement.

With either a stand mixer or your own brute strength, combine the melted butter with the creamy peanut butter until fully incorporated and smooth. Add the sugars and mix in thoroughly. Add in the applesauce and the vanilla extract and mix mix mix until good and smooth. Mix in ⅓ of your dry mixture from earlier. Once that’s incorporated mix in half your apple cider vinegar/almond milk mixture. Mix in another ⅓ of your dry mixture, followed by the remaining liquid. Finally, toss in the last of the dry mixture. I am dazzled by how wordy I just made that endeavor.

Here’s where you use your judgement. Start with a couple of tablespoons of almond milk mixed with a whole bunch of red food dye and add it into your batter. If you still feel it could use more almond milk in there, go forth. It probably won’t need more than another couple of tablespoons.

Fill your mini muffin tin half way with your batter. Plop a chunk of chocolate in the middle. Top with more batter, enough to cover the chocolate but not more than 75% of the cup. Bake for 12-14 minutes.

Once your cupcakes are cooled, top them with about 3g of vegan vanilla yogurt. Sprinkle the coconut on top. Try not to eat every single one of them.

NUTRITION

per cupcake: 55 calories // 5g carbs // 4g fat // 2g protein // 1g fiber // 2g sugar

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