Just be glad there's no need for one.

It’s Pride Month, which means a minority of cis straight folks pretending to not know the difference between Pride in the face of shame and discrimination, which is bravery, and faux-pride to celebrate not having to face that same fate; also known as intimidation.

This year the cishets are ramping it up, trying to make a straight pride parade happen in Boston. Predictably, it’s not going well. Organizers have partnered with Milo Yiannopoulos, whose ongoing lowlight reel now includes failing to make a simple YouTube livestream happen.

If the straights want a parade anyone other than bigots will show up to, here’s what will have to change. Here’s when you get to have straight pride.

When Nazis Show Up to Intimidate You for Being Straight

Watch these videos of Nazis showing up at Motor City Pride in Detroit to intimidate and assault people, with a police escort. Now ask yourself, when was the last time you were harassed by a Nazi for being straight?

Today at Motor City Pride, a friendly LGBT+ event, Detroit PD escorted Nazi's in full uniform outside of the entrance to the festival. Detroit PD bruised those that tried to intervene (see below) and allowed this to happen. pic.twitter.com/lDcbemzhek — marc (@marcKlock) June 9, 2019

Yesterday nazis in America marched around a pride to threaten and intimidate LGBT+ people. This is bone chillingly terrifying. https://t.co/33EX6vRi8T — Melantha Chittenden (@Melantha___) June 10, 2019

Just witnessed a group of Nazis harassing a group of LGTBQ members who were just on their way to enjoy Pride. For individuals to be stopped on their way to celebrate a day dedicated to them like this is just terrible and sickening pic.twitter.com/PG4wg6GwC0 — diego (@d_bonilla14) June 8, 2019

Then there are, of course, the religious nut-jobs who never take a year off.

When was the last time your heterosexuality and cisgender status brought hateful street preachers to descended upon one of your events to tell you of the eternal damnation awaiting your soul because of who you love?

This year, two men protesting the Capital Pride Parade in Washington, D.C. maced a woman who bumped into them. Her boyfriend then pulled a BB gun, causing a stampede. If straight people can’t even behave themselves at our Pride, do they really need their own?

When You Can Get Killed for Being Straight

When your sexual orientation has been accepted since the dawn of humankind, and have never had to face persecution, bigotry or death because of it, yet you still want attention, you don’t need a parade, you need a fucking hobby. #StraightPride — Francis Maxwell (@francismmaxwell) June 5, 2019

And while thankfully the reports of an active shooter at D.C. Pride turned out to be inflated, the fears are understandable. This week, we honored the third anniversary of the Pulse shooting, which claimed the lives of 49 people at an LGBTQ nightclub.

In fact, LGBTQ people around the world are at a higher risk of violence, with trans women of color particularly vulnerable.

Another point of privilege to consider: When was the last time you felt scared about taking your opposite gender partner’s hand in your own, or giving them a quick peck on the cheek or lips while out in public? Never? Queer people can’t say the same.

When Your Murderer Can Get Away With It Because You’re Straight

slobo/Getty Images

If someone were to kill you for being straight, they wouldn’t be able to enter your heterosexual identity into the record in an attempt to be found not guilty or given a lesser sentence.

Yet, in all but four states the so-called “gay and trans panic” defenses are still allowed in courtrooms.

When Your Straight Marriages Are Under Attack

Here’s something to celebrate—quietly, without a parade, unless you’re an asshole—no one is attempting to destroy straight marriage. You are free to get married around the world.

Meanwhile, Republican lawmakers are still doing their best to destroy marriage equality four years after it was made legal in the United States.

When You Can Be Legally Discriminated Against

And it’s not just marriage rights that are under attack. The Trump administration has gone after the rights of LGBTQ students, workers, inmates, and those seeking health care, housing, and assistance, such as stays in homeless shelters.

While the Equality Act, which passed in the House last month, would add LGBTQ protections to federal civil rights law, it has a tough hill to climb in the Republican-controlled Senate, and Trump has said he opposes it.

When All That Leads to Increased Rates of Depression, Abuse, and Suicide

When the collective stress from all that discrimination, bullying, harassment, and violence leads to increased rates of substance abuse, depression, self-harm, and suicide attempts, then, perhaps, you’ll have begun to grasp the importance of, and need for, an affirming, liberating, and celebratory moment where amid the chaos where you get to show that you exist, and that you will not be diminished by their hate.

Then, and only then, will you have earned the right to remind the world that you won’t stop fighting until you’ve gained the same rights and freedoms others take for granted every day.

Because, as you surely must already know, the truth is there never was, and never will be, a need for straight pride.

