A good friend of mine, whom I’ll call “Jake,” recently bought an unbelievably heavy sex toy shaped like adult film star Kendra Lust’s butt . It’s one of those fleshy, 15-pound behemoths with “all the fixins” (so to speak) and apparently cost him just under $500. The guy loves it, though. He says it’s “way better than a Fleshlight” and “feels just like the real thing.”

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As Jake and I spoke about his new toy, I couldn’t help but appreciate his candidness about owning the so-called "booty stroker," and how openly he praised a product that—to the outside world—still has a stigma following its owners.

Naturally, this got me thinking about the guys who buy the types of sex dolls you can’t hide in a dresser drawers. I’m talking the the types of realistic sex dolls that cost thousands of dollars and can weigh as much as a small adult.

After scouring Reddit’s sensational SexDolls subreddit, I found three dudes who were willing to talk to me about their sex dolls, and the role the dolls play in their lives. For some reason, they all wanted to remain anonymous. Weird, right?

“LARRY” (30)

Bought this sex doll for around $2,300.

Where did you buy it from?

Well, I shopped around a little bit before buying a sex doll. I had various other (including 3 models of Fleshlight) and a TPE [thermoplastic elastomer] buttocks with ass and . I bought the model of sex doll I did because I'm super into the body type, though not many women actually have the sex doll body. Her belly and waist is ridiculously tiny compared to her hips and ass. These women exist, but they are few and far between.

I saw how much the RealDolls cost and wondered if there were any more affordable ones without getting them used. I know, standards, right? Basically I just did a couple of Google searches until I found a site I felt wasn't scammy and I liked the selection and options enough. I noticed the costs go up tied to the options available as well as the parts you want. They sell torsos. Like, disembodied torsos. That creepy as hell to even look at.

Another creepy thing I saw were the feet meant for foot fetishists. I don't know if it was an attachment or just by itself, but it was like the outside of a Fleshlight molded into a foot, with design of a pussy on the sole. If I wasn't aware of such weirdness beforehand, that would've confused and concerned me much more.

"It does occasionally feel creepy, but mostly I've associated it with upgraded masturbation."

Do you like it?

As far as a masturbation device goes, it's really more hassle than it's worth. Her body type excites me (I love curvy women), and that has had an inverse relationship with how long I can last, which annoys me since I spend far more time preparing and cleaning up than actually fucking her. It's like closer to 15 minutes getting her ready and clean[ing] up versus struggling to last 10 minutes while fucking.

A lot of that clean-up is more related to my body hair clinging to her TPE fleshy bits. [I] was tempted to use a brush or oil or something like that. I found that using a lint roller works best. It was optional to have an insert for a vagina or just a regular looking one that was not an insert. I thought about this for a bit. The insert would make it easier to clean, but ruined the visual. I went with the insert for practical usage. Lugging her around put some things in perspective for me, too. It does occasionally feel creepy, but mostly I've associated it with upgraded masturbation.

How does it feel compared to a real woman?

There's no comparison between this sex doll and a real woman. There's no interaction, there's no response, there's the hassle of movement and cleaning, there's the potential for misunderstanding [from other people]... The truth is that sex dolls are more trouble than they're worth, I think.

Does anyone know?

I was a little concerned about getting found out, and that will come back up when I move eventually. I rent an apartment. I can't stuff the sex doll in a suitcase, but I can wrap her up in plastic. Very Dexter-ish. I store her in my closet because I don't want her laying on the ground. I have a sturdy coat hook I have drilled into a stud to one side of the door and a rope with a customized pool tube floaty for cushion against her. If you weren't expecting to see that, you might just scream, LOL.

No family knows I have one ... As is, a few friends know I have her. They wanted photos and they asked questions, and they know me well enough to know they don't need to worry about me.

“STEVEN” (25)

Bought a sex dolls from this site for $2,500, but later sold it and got one from this site for $1,200.

First off, why did you buy a sex doll?

I have always had a pretty liberal sexuality, searching for new and higher pleasures, even in niche and taboo ways. I started pretty early with smaller sex toys like a Fleshlight, then I later got a larger torso-shaped plushie that I could insert the Fleshlight in, and after that a proper sex doll just seemed like the natural next step.

Do you like it?

Yes, I consider it one of the best purchases I've made because it has given me a lot of entertainment for the price. I found that not only does it feel great to have sex with, but it had other uses as well, such as cuddling. I find hugging it and snuggling up next to it when I go to sleep is very comforting and relaxing.

"There is no performance anxiety and you can do things 100% your way and at your pace."

How does it compare to a real woman?

It is surprisingly similar in some ways, but different in others (though not necessarily in a bad way).

Physically and visually they are quite realistic, actually. I think they look better in real life than in photos you see online, etc. And their bodies are soft and heavy, just like a real woman. In the right lighting and the right position, the illusion can become almost perfect. Of course there are some problems, such as warmth. Unless you use a heating blanket first, the skin of the doll feels cold, which can be a bit jarring at first.

But the more obvious differences are of course emotional. You don't get the social bond and feedback of a real human. There is no challenge and payoff of pleasing [one] another. There is no pillow talk afterwards. In many ways this is of course a big disadvantage, but it can also be relieving: There is no performance anxiety and you can do things 100% your way and at your pace. And personally I am not very fond of small talk anyway so I don't really miss that.

Were you apprehensive or embarrassed about buying one?

Not really, probably because I worked up to it slowly as I mentioned. It might have been more weird if I went straight from nothing to buying a full doll.

Why is there such a stigma around sex toys/sex dolls?

There are probably several reasons, including ones that I can't see. But one is that I think some people consciously or subconsciously think of getting a partner and having sex as an important goal, maybe the goal, of life. To them, getting a sex doll could feel like an admission of defeat, or as cheating, in that pursuit. And if someone else does it, they might therefore consider them a cheater or a loser, too.

Others might simply not find dolls attractive at all due to the lack of soul, for want of a better word, and be weirded out by people that do. I've heard some say that they are creeped out by dolls and mannequins in general, and that having sex with one would be simply nightmarish, even (or especially) if they look realistic.

I think many of the reasons stems from projecting your own views onto others and judging them based on that. It is perfectly okay to personally not want anything to do with sex dolls—I can understand that. But I don't think it's okay to extend your reasoning to others and conclude that is it bad for everyone else to have a sex doll, too.

What are the downsides about owning a sex doll?

Well, for one, they are pretty unwieldy. I store mine in my bed because it would be a lot of work to stow it away every time I'm done using it. But that also means that I can't really have uninvited guests in my house, because they'd see it. Sometimes I even have to make up excuses why someone can't come into the house if we end up outside and I haven't hidden the doll beforehand.

There's also a largely unknown effect on mental health. I don't know if this in total is a disadvantage or an advantage, I would actually be interested in some research being done on it. I've noticed both positive and negative effects myself. Positive effects include calmness, content-ness and increased confidence. But negative effects for me include occasional feelings of guilt, as if I'm doing something wrong by having a doll, maybe because of the stigma you mentioned. I've also noticed risk signs of addiction, especially in the few months right after I got the doll, I could feel "cravings" if I hadn't been able to use it in a few days.

“JIM” (35)

Bought "Bombshell Stacy" from this website for just under $1,100

Ok, so why a sex doll?

I'm away from my girlfriend a few nights each week, I have a high drive, and I often last a really long time in and out of bed and tend to from masturbation—and on top of that, it's winter, and I have dry and cracked working man’s hands.

Sometimes I'll wake up on the weekends not to the alarm clock, but to a raging erection and lust-filled mind. I can't tell you how many times I poked myself into a pillow or the bed half out of frustration and just wished someone was there in my bed with me for a quickie. I'm a monogamous man, never strayed in any relationship and the idea of breaking out the Fleshlight was always rather boring…so once the doll idea got in my head, I thought [about] how I could make rolling over in the night or morning for a romp happen, and kinda sold myself on that idea and the fact that we only have one short life. Why not live it up?

"You fuck the doll. The doll doesn't fuck you."

How did you pick out your sex doll?

I found the doll that I liked the best at a sale price that fit into my budget, so I jumped on it. [I picked] Bombshell Stacy from worldsbestsexdolls.com— another thing was they accept PayPal, and I was approved for interest-free PayPal credit providing I pay off the purchase in 6 months. I'm doing $50 a week, and that puts me ahead of the game; this was better than running up my credit card balance.

The website is a new business and when I realized, I nearly shit myself thinking it might be a scam. They post in the subreddit that you found me in. They assured me they were legit ... and a day later had a tracking number and the package went from china to the other side of the world in barely a week. Go Fedex.

The price is just under $1100, which is really good. I did my research and decided against the $500 doll I liked first on eBay after reports of them being cheap knock-offs.

Alright, so how does it feel?

The dolls don't move or interact or moan or take charge. You fuck the doll. The doll doesn't fuck you. Some could try "making love" to the doll, but fuck-all that does—it's basically an expensive Fleshlight that can also be a companion of sorts, and a hottie at that.

Jeremy Glass Jeremy Glass is a Brooklyn-based freelance writer dabbling in copywriting, branded content, creative strategy, advertising, and so much more.

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