We review the much anticipated DC epic. Guaranteed spoiler-free.

I have to be honest with you. Hell, I have to be honest with myself. This review doesn't matter. It's worthless. A ludicrous amount of people have already decided Batman v Superman is a bad movie without seeing the opening scene. Nothing I say is going to change that. If you already decided you don't care for the film, you can stop right here because this review is a waste of both your time and mine. The sad thing is—the thing that truly, deeply wounds me as a comic book and film fan—is that absolute trash like Transformers and Twilight go on to spawn sequel after rotten sequel. Yet, far better films like Batman v Superman come along, being completely honest with what it is from day one: dark, serious, grim, and adult, then it gets torn to shreds for those same qualities we knew for more than two years it would be chock full of. I'm worried that critical reception and irrational hate mongering could set a bad example for Warner and inspire some unwarranted apprehension about the future. If Twilight can live to fight another day, an imperfect Batman v Superman deserves much better than that.



From the opening scenes, it's clear that this is going to be a serious drama with some somber, and sometimes surreal moments where you're not even sure what you're seeing is real or not. It lets you into the headspace of the characters, seeing and feeling their obsessions, what they're made of, how they tick, what disturbs them, and what brings them happiness, if any. It's all laid on the table in a way that I've rarely seen in a film like it. In fact, to the lengths they take it, I think the closest is Zack Snyder's own Watchmen. This is a heavy film. Heavier than most will want to lift. It does lay a lot on you and expects you to carry this knowledge with you into their conflicts, their resolutions, and skirmishes. For some, this will be daunting, but it adds a necessary weight to the action scenes. It fuels them with some purpose that again I've rarely seen in films like it. You'll know precisely why Batman needs to fight Superman. You'll know precisely why if Superman wanted it, Batman would be dead already. You'll know exactly what Lex Luthor seeks to achieve from this. You'll see his manipulative evil claws digging at every player, pulling the strings and setting up a master plan that ties everything and everyone in a noose. It's pretty darn gripping seeing it all come together and the payoffs are huge!

"Tell me. Do you lift, bro?"



This sounds like high praise, but Batman v Superman, is certainly not perfect. It's not even my favorite superhero movie, but I can also certainly say that, like Man of Steel, it will likely grow on me. It's an indisputably dense movie, convoluted maybe, but dense, nonetheless. There are a lot of ideas and teases for the future of the franchise, but it can buckle under its own weight at times as it did in its opening act. Unfortunately, I think the biggest mistake of this film is not the self-serious, straight-jawed drama that unfolds, it's that we now know for sure that there was more than 30 minutes cut from the theatrical release—30 minutes that I believe being omitted will work against the theatrical reception more than leaving it in would have. It's really tough to find good footing in the first act of the film. Really tough. You can tell that from scene to scene there are transitions missing; necessary details or establishing sections that would have done wonders for comforting the audience through the developing sections of this epic. Honestly, it was challenging to put some of the pieces together and I don't mean any heady, intellectual stuff. I'm talking about basic plotting. I had to consciously force myself into thinking harder and faster so that I wasn't left in the dust. The first batch of scenes don't stick around long enough to get a good grasp of where it's heading or why before another totally unrelated scene juts into it. It's clunky and it was a worrisome first impression, but at some point it all starts to gel and ramps up in the best way.



No matter how well it ramps up or unfolds, though, not everyone is going to like what they did with these characters. Jesse Eisenberg had me on the fence going in and in some ways still does. I appreciate that they wanted to carve a new path for Lex not yet seen in film, but apparently not well known in the comicverse either. For those that don't know, this Luthor is highly inspired by the young, long-haired neurotic kid from Mark Waid's amazing Superman book, Birthright. If you haven't yet read it, please, I implore you to get a copy. It's beautifully penciled, gorgeously colored, and written like a smart blockbuster movie. No matter how great the source for this Lex is, however, I have a feeling he's still not going to go over well for most audiences. He's still just Jesse Eisenberg, love him or hate him, but I can say without question this is his best performance and deepest character he's ever taken on. He is 100% Lex Luthor in action and in philosophy, appearances be damned. He's written with surprising complexity and Eisenberg steps a few inches outside of his comfort zone to toy with a man struggling to maintain the smarmy wunderkind facade while the vile, manipulative genius beneath tries to scratch its way through. Some particular scenes you'll see Eisenberg impeccably pull this off and it shocked me. Much of this won't matter to many, I imagine, as more often than not I only saw him as Jesse Eisenberg even if he did take it up several notches. He did the best job I think he knows how and I have immense respect for that, but ultimately he's going to annoy a good deal of comic fans. This sounds like high praise, but, is certainly not perfect. It's not even my favorite superhero movie, but I can also certainly say that, like, it will likely grow on me. It's an indisputably dense movie, convoluted maybe, but dense, nonetheless. There are aof ideas and teases for the future of the franchise, but it can buckle under its own weight at times as it did in its opening act. Unfortunately, I think the biggest mistake of this film is not the self-serious, straight-jawed drama that unfolds, it's that we now know for sure that there was more than 30 minutes cut from the theatrical release—30 minutes that I believe being omitted will work against the theatrical reception more than leaving it in would have. It's really tough to find good footing in the first act of the film.tough. You can tell that from scene to scene there are transitions missing; necessary details or establishing sections that would have done wonders for comforting the audience through the developing sections of this epic. Honestly, it was challenging to put some of the pieces together and I don't mean any heady, intellectual stuff. I'm talking about basic plotting. I had to consciously force myself into thinking harder and faster so that I wasn't left in the dust. The first batch of scenes don't stick around long enough to get a good grasp of where it's heading or why before another totally unrelated scene juts into it. It's clunky and it was a worrisome first impression, but at some point it all starts to gel and ramps up in the best way.No matter how well it ramps up or unfolds, though, not everyone is going to like what they did with these characters. Jesse Eisenberg had me on the fence going in and in some ways still does. I appreciate that they wanted to carve a new path for Lex not yet seen in film, but apparently not well known in the comicverse either. For those that don't know, this Luthor is highly inspired by the young, long-haired neurotic kid from Mark Waid's amazing Superman book,If you haven't yet read it, please, I implore you to get a copy. It's beautifully penciled, gorgeously colored, and written like a smart blockbuster movie. No matter how great the source for this Lex is, however, I have a feeling he's still not going to go over well for most audiences. He's still just Jesse Eisenberg, love him or hate him,I can say without question this is his best performance and deepest character he's ever taken on. He is 100% Lex Luthor in action and in philosophy, appearances be damned. He's written with surprising complexity and Eisenberg steps a few inches outside of his comfort zone to toy with a man struggling to maintain the smarmy wunderkind facade while the vile, manipulative genius beneath tries to scratch its way through. Some particular scenes you'll see Eisenberg impeccably pull this off and it shocked me. Much of this won't matter to many, I imagine, as more often than not I only saw him as Jesse Eisenberg even if he did take it up several notches. He did the best job I think he knows how and I have immense respect for that, but ultimately he's going to annoy a good deal of comic fans.

"The negative nancies are coming. The negative nancies are coming."



What can I say about Affleck that hasn't yet been said? He's the best Batman we've gotten so far. Hands down, he rocks, but there are some dangerous plays Snyder and Terrio made with him, some that are still confusing me, and I guess it will be up to you to decide how bothersome they are. You'll know exactly what I'm talking about when you see it. Personally, I'm accepting them for now just for the fact that he is undeniably awesome in every other way. Because of how content rich the film is, we didn't get enough of anyone, really, and it leaves you wanting more—a lot more–but that's inarguably better than not wanting more at all. He's scary. He's brutal. He's angry. He's had quite enough of this shit and you can tell he means serious business. As intense as his scenes are—as satisfyingly bad ass as they are–I still wanted more, but you can only fit so much Batman in a film with Superman, Wonder Woman, Lex Luthor, and Doomsday. This Batman uses more gadgets and tools than I've seen any Batman on film before, coming close to the Batman in the Arkham games. The fight choreography was flat out stunning as we actually get the pleasure of seeing Batman use every tool possible to destroy his opponents. You'll laugh aloud at the sheer exhilaration of seeing him dispatch bad guys like rag dolls, slamming them through walls and into pavement with sharp, tactical finesse. Joyless, my ass! Seeing Batman in action in this film is nothing but joy concentrate and Affleck killed it in all departments whether it's chasing down goons in his Batmobile, beating the pulp out of a group of thugs, squaring off, jaw-to-jaw, in a wicked robot suit against the strongest hero of all time, or just being the rich guy with dead parents, Bruce Wayne.



Like Batman, I want more Gal Gadot. Some thought her accent would falter. Some thought she was too small, too pretty, or too inexperienced to pull off the Amazonian warrior. If you come away from this less than impressed by her, you're several orders of magnitude more cynical than I've ever been. Gal Gadot kicks serious ass. Her accent makes sense. It sets her apart. It immediately paints her as someone of our world, but not quite—someone with a unique history that we can't put our finger on yet. She's shrouded in mystery, but there's nothing mysterious about how well she can handle herself even against gigantic, beastly threats like Doomsday. Fans and audiences will most assuredly be pleased with her performance and her role. I was looking forward to her debut solo film, but now I need it and we'll be getting just that, but not soon enough, damn it!



I want to say more about the other Justice League cameos which we all have known are in here, but I will say this, don't expect a lot of screen time for them as Snyder said, "they're just whispers." One whisper in particular could mean something monumental for the DC film universe and one I look forward to exchanging ideas with fans about. Comic fans will get a kick out of them, but many viewers likely won't care and these elements likely serve only to confuse rather than arouse critics and moviegoers. What can I say about Affleck that hasn't yet been said? He's the best Batman we've gotten so far. Hands down, he rocks, but there are some dangerous plays Snyder and Terrio made with him, some that are still confusing me, and I guess it will be up to you to decide how bothersome they are. You'll know exactly what I'm talking about when you see it. Personally, I'm accepting them for now just for the fact that he is undeniably awesome in every other way. Because of how content rich the film is, we didn't get enough of anyone, really, and it leaves you wanting more—amore–but that's inarguably better than not wanting more at all. He's scary. He's brutal. He's angry. He's had quite enough of this shit and you can tell he means serious business. As intense as his scenes are—as satisfyingly bad ass as they are–I still wanted more, but you can only fit so much Batman in a film with Superman, Wonder Woman, Lex Luthor, and Doomsday. This Batman uses more gadgets and tools than I've seen any Batman on film before, coming close to the Batman in the Arkham games. The fight choreography was flat out stunning as we actually get the pleasure of seeing Batman use every tool possible to destroy his opponents. You'll laugh aloud at the sheer exhilaration of seeing him dispatch bad guys like rag dolls, slamming them through walls and into pavement with sharp, tactical finesse. Joyless, my ass! Seeing Batman in action in this film is nothing but joy concentrate and Affleck killed it in all departments whether it's chasing down goons in his Batmobile, beating the pulp out of a group of thugs, squaring off, jaw-to-jaw, in a wicked robot suit against the strongest hero of all time, or just being the rich guy with dead parents, Bruce Wayne.Like Batman, I want more Gal Gadot. Some thought her accent would falter. Some thought she was too small, too pretty, or too inexperienced to pull off the Amazonian warrior. If you come away from this less than impressed by her, you're several orders of magnitude more cynical than I've ever been. Gal Gadot kicks serious ass. Her accent makes sense. It sets her apart. It immediately paints her as someone of our world, but not quite—someone with a unique history that we can't put our finger on yet. She's shrouded in mystery, but there's nothing mysterious about how well she can handle herself even against gigantic, beastly threats like Doomsday. Fans and audiences will most assuredly be pleased with her performance and her role. I was looking forward to her debut solo film, but now Iit and we'll be getting just that, but not soon enough, damn it!I want to say more about the other Justice League cameos which we all have known are in here, but I will say this, don't expect a lot of screen time for them as Snyder said, "they're just whispers." One whisper in particular could mean something monumental for the DC film universe and one I look forward to exchanging ideas with fans about. Comic fans will get a kick out of them, but many viewers likely won't care and these elements likely serve only to confuse rather than arouse critics and moviegoers.

"Say "too inexperienced" again. I dare ya. I double dare ya!"



Like its complex characters, Batman v Superman is not short of challenging material. One reviewer said, to gain from multiple viewings. These portions I can understand will leave more people frustrated and scratching their heads, and it's without question not for the common critic, but you can't deny that Snyder knows his audience and he knows his DC mythos. This will be a blast to scrutinize especially when the extended three hour cut hits blu-ray.



Does Batman v Superman live up to the hype? No. Of course, it doesn't, but it's also not even remotely close in deserving of the ridiculous hatred slung its way either. This film pulls from many critically acclaimed books, most of which are geared toward adults. They're geared toward people like me, for the fans so moved by those characters when we were children that we continue to read them today as grown men and women and we don't deserve to have one franchise–just one for crying out loud–that's geared more toward us?! Does every superhero movie have to follow a particular formula? Is there only one way to tell a comic hero film? Do they all have to be funny, lighthearted, or brainlessly good-spirited? I'm thirty-three years old now. In fact, I just bought two more Spider-man books (which makes 19 in my collection) and another Flash trade. I'm still a geek and perhaps always will be. Like its complex characters,is not short of challenging material. One reviewer said, to gain from multiple viewings. These portions I can understand will leave more people frustrated and scratching their heads, and it's without questionfor the common critic, but you can't deny that Snyder knows his audience and he knows his DC mythos. This will be a blast to scrutinize especially when the extended three hour cut hits blu-ray.Doeslive up to the hype? No. Of course, it doesn't, but it's also not even remotely close in deserving of the ridiculous hatred slung its way either. This film pulls from many critically acclaimed books, most of which are geared toward adults. They're geared toward people like me, for the fans so moved by those characters when we were children that we continue to read them today as grown men and women and we don't deserve to havefranchise–for crying out loud–that's geared more toward us?! Doessuperhero movieto follow a particular formula? Is thereway to tell a comic hero film? Do theyhave to be funny, lighthearted, or brainlessly good-spirited? I'm thirty-three years old now. In fact, I just bought two more Spider-man books (which makes 19 in my collection) and another Flash trade. I'm still a geek and perhaps always will be.









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