MONTREAL — Statistics Canada has named Montreal the “I don’t know I’m just trying to figure my shit out” capital of Canada.

The researchers provided some of the statistics that led to their classification of the city:

For example, 83 percent of adults in Montreal between the ages of 23-38 who work as servers or bartenders, actually consider themselves artists, comedians or aspiring “noise” musicians.

Montreal is also home to the largest group in the country of university graduates working at call centers.

Although the study found that call center work is a popular choice for Montrealers in a “transitional” stage, around 43 percent of young people in Montreal will spend time working as either a bike courier, pornographic film writer or a vaguely circus-inspired street performer.

Many short-term inhabitants of the city will take up slack lining, juggling or the accordion during their sojourn in Montreal. However, study participants in this category revealed that their newfound hobbies were largely unappreciated back in their hometowns.

Additionally, 64 percent of Canadians who have stick-and-poke tattoos state that they were administered “during these two years that I kind of just hung out in Montreal.” And another 32 percent of Canadians recall coming to some sort of major life decision while drunk and looking up at the glowing cross on Mont Royal.

Lastly, the study found that of the portion of Montrealers originally from Toronto, a full 100 percent will return to Toronto — 94 percent of which will cite “being yelled at angrily in French” as one of their main reasons for leaving.