opinion

Make Thanksgiving a safe space

Mark Chalifoux is a stand-up comedian who has been featured on Fox and IFC and tours nationally. The Cincinnati resident is headlining Go Bananas Club in Montgomery Nov. 24-26.

One surefire way to ruin Thanksgiving is a heated political argument. Dry turkey can be overcome with delicious side dishes and a tsunami of toddler tantrums can be drowned out by bourbon. But a cross-generational political fight? You might as well pack it up and start focusing on Christmas. The only way we can save this Thanksgiving is to turn it into a safe space.

It’s no secret that our current political climate is toxic. We are constantly besieged with vitriol on all fronts on a daily basis. There’s no mystery about what anyone in your family believes politically. With that in mind, I would implore everyone to commit to a politics-free Thanksgiving. Imagine how nice it would be to have a holiday that’s not at-risk of devolving into a Facebook comment section re-enactment.

People who have never read about the Civil War say we’re more divided now than we have ever been, and while not factually correct, the last thing Thanksgiving needs is a fight about the historical context of our current fights.

While the mere mention of a safe space can trigger a Pavlonian shout of “snowflake!” from talking red hats, it’s important to remember this a cease-fire, not an armistice. Come Black Friday, you can get back to trolling your uncle about climate change all you want. In the meantime, let’s all put down our “hot takes” and enjoy Thanksgiving.

It would be nice to enjoy mashed potatoes without listening to a distorted version of “telephone” between the aunt who listens to Sean Hannity and the cousin who watches John Oliver. Imagine the bliss of a slice of pumpkin pie without a health care debate as the topping.

Because everything is politicized these days, let me suggest a few acceptable conversation topics with the necessary caveats. Fiona! The baby hippo embodies all that is good and exciting about our revitalized city. Any mention of the other infamous zoo “incident,” however, results in being ejected from the Christmas gift exchange.

Football! A great Thanksgiving tradition, even if the Bengals are currently doing their best Browns impression. However, any national anthem protest talk and the TV goes off.

Another important thing to remember is that political warfare sucks up all the oxygen, leaving no room for the typical family drama. Let’s get back to gossiping about your cousin’s weird boyfriend and whether or not he’s in a cult. Let’s return to the glory days of quietly critiquing Aunt Lindsay’s casserole like we’re impossible-to-impress judges from the Food Network. If someone is going to have their feelings hurt, let it be for something they wear and not because they haven’t read the latest issue of the New Yorker.

If we check politics at the door and look at our friends and family members like actual humans instead of a series of talking points, we can make this Thanksgiving bearable. Making Thanksgiving a safe space is the only way we can make the holiday great again.