What did I do wrong? How can I fix him? Why me? Do you think it’s because…(fill in the blank)? Why did they choose to be this way?

These are all questions that have been posed to me by Latino parents (including my own family) after their child came out of the closet. To be fair, most of the parents I have come across eventually convince themselves to tolerate their child’s sexuality and love them despite it. That right there, is a sentiment packed full of good intentions and misconceptions. For too many Latinos of my generation, we have grown accustomed to holding our parents and grandparents to such a low bar when it comes to the acceptance of our LGBT brothers and sisters. We feared they would be subject to the worst contempt and outright exile, that we have settled for apprehensive tolerance.

Acceptance is not the same as tolerance. Our generation and the millennial generation needs to push back and challenge our parents and grandparents to evolve their views on sexuality and gender. We need to not let prejudicial statements go unchallenged or justify them because, “That’s just how papa is, he’s old school.” We accept outdated views from our parental figures because our upbringing did not encourage challenging authority. We need to stop believing the lie we tell ourselves: that they are not capable of change. It is a condescending thought that would offend us if it were directed our way.

Prejudice is born from ignorance, and the only cure is education. Who better to educate them, than the generation whose education they made so many sacrifices for? Being a well-rounded, holistically educated, global citizen is no longer just about academic achievement and securing a sustainable job. The acquisition of knowledge is not like the acquisition of gold bars, it is not something to hoard away in a secure vault. With a quality education comes the responsibility to educate others.

Sexuality in the Latino culture is ever present and aggressive. There is a new trend emerging in the aesthetic profile of the American news meteorologist. Latin America however, has been doing the sexy weather-girl for decades now. Heck, even our used car infomercials feature scantily clad, young women in an effort to entice the attention of the latino male, the straight latino male that is. Our telenovelas rarely feature LGBT characters, and it is not uncommon for mainstream latino comedy shows to feature outdated, stereotypical effeminate portrayals of gays for the purpose of comedy.

As overt as heterosexuality is in the latino mainstream, the complete opposite is too often true when it comes to homosexuality. Pop icon Juan Gabriel was never comfortable enough to outright say that he was gay. It is perceived as a burden of shame on the family and something to talk about amongst comadres over pan dulce and cafe when it “happens” to one of the neighbors. We must do a better job of not allowing sexuality to become the sole identifier of our LGBT brothers and sisters. They cannot become the gay primo, or la pobre prima that never got married.

Now more than ever, young latinos are making their voices heard and fighting back against vitriol-spewing politicians and hate groups. It’s time we admit that despite their big corazones, a lot of our parents, tios, tias and grandparents have outdated views on sexuality and gender. In my own family, I have seen the views of my own mother and aunts evolve as members of my family came out of the closet. It is possible to expand their empathy, and bring their mindsets into the 21st century. Si se puede!