JOKE PAIRING: Rocko X Gordon (WARNING: You might need therapy after reading this.)

One day, Rocko got a dental operation from Filburt in a giant stadium with a massive audience of people watching...but that's not the weird part.

Then, Filburt ambiguously and accidentally hinted at having a bit of a fetish for Rocko's feet. Still not the strange part...

Next, one of Rocko's teeth suddenly turned into a Godzilla-size monster tooth and starting wrecking the entire city...but that's not even the strange part. The strange part is THIS!

"Hey kids! I'm Gordon! I'm a talking human foot!"

AAA! AAA! AAA! AAA!

"Rocko visited the dentist, and now his teeth are extra shiny clean! You betcha!"

AAA! AAA! AAA! AAA! I'm outta here!

And so the Nostalgia Critic ran out of his house screaming like an idiot. Little did he know that he had been watching the COMPLETELY uncut version of the episode, which featured an extended ending scene where Rocko f***ed Gordon silly since the show's creators clearly had a slight foot fetish themselves (seriously, just watch all the episodes and you'll start to see what I'm talking about).

And so the real, forbidden, never-before-been story begins. Although there was really nothing wrong with the original Rocko's Modern Life series, you should probably keep this story out of a child's reach. BEGIN!

After the credits finished rolling, Rocko, unbeknownst to his loyal and devoted fans who had just watched one of the most glorious episodes of the already incredibly godly and amazing series...whispered into Gordon's nonexistent ear with a gaily sexual undertone.

"I love you, Gordon. I'm going to give you the foot massage of your life...even though you technically already ARE a foot!" Rocko whispered.

"Oh, you cheeky boy, that just makes it even better!" Gordon playfully whispered back.

At that remark, Rocko removed his clothes, unaware that Heffer and Filburt were filming him on video camera in the TV network security room.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to witness one of the seven wonders of the world." Heffer began, facing into the screen. "At about 11:30, eastern standard time, through THIS security camera, our buddy Rocko will give Gordon the giant talking foot a glorious foot massage."

"And he ain't dressed for the occasion, if you know what I mean..." Filburt explained.

"Y-Y-Yup! You heard right!" Heffer clarified. "He's COMPLETELY...NAAAKEEED!"

"WITH NO CLOTHES ON!" Filburt yelled overdramatically and redundantly with an insanely overexcited look in his eyes.

And so the nasty anthropomorphic foot sex began. Filburt got out a pair of binoculars and a barf bag while Heffer pulled out a bag of chips and a barf bag.

Rocko was spanking the ball of Gordon's sole with his tail while Gordon was sucking Rocko's penis. Rocko jizzed into Gordon's mouth and began cleaning out the gaps between Gordon's toes with his tongue. Gordon then stepped on Rocko and rubbed his sweaty sole all over Rocko before pooping excrement out of his heel into Rocko's mouth and peeing urine out of his eyeballs into Rocko's nose.

"OH MY GOD! MY EYES!" Filburt screamed. "Even I can't look at this bullshit! Heffer! GIVE ME THE GOD-DAMNED POTATO CHIP BAG! I'M ABOUT TO F***ING PUKE MY BALLS OUT!"

"You're weird, Filburt." Heffer replied. "JUST GIVE THE F***ING POTATO CHIP BAG, FOR F***'S SAKE! JESUS F***ING CHRIST!" Filburt yelled at him. "They don't pay me enough for this shit!"

"Who's they?" Heffer asked.

"GOD DAMN IT, HEFFER, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE F***ING ANIMATORS WATCHING OVER US!" Filburt began screaming. "WHAT IN THE HOLY MOTHER OF F*** WERE THEY THINKING?! WHO IN THE F*** CAME UP WITH THIS SHIT? I WANT TO F***ING STRANGLE THEM WITH MY BARE HANDS! MY BARE, F***ING, SPERM-SOAKED HANDS!"

Heffer made a "cuckoo" sign to the audience and told Filburt to eat a Snickers. After furiously vomiting into the potato chip bag, Filburt realized that the Snickers bar was at the bottom of the bag. Filburt reached in, grabbed it, and ate it anyway, and then barfed into the bag again.

Meanwhile, Gordon had stomped Rocko into a fine paste, ate him, regurgitated him, ate him again, passed him through his foot digestive system, pooped him out through his heel, and squeezed him between his squirming toes.

"NOTHING STRANGE GOING ON HERE, NO SIREE, LA LA LA LA LA LAA LA!" Filburt and Heffer sang in unison; you could tell that they had both gone completely insane from the horror that they were witnessing.

Gordon extended his eye tentacles out of his eye sockets, allowing Rocko to suck on Gordon's optical balls while Gordon extended his slimy tongue into Rocko's poop hole. Gordon then ejaculated foot sperm out of his toenails and Rocko's entire body was covered with the smelly white stuff.

Filburt and Heffer were forced to use Heffer's extra set of overalls as a barf bag; they had both almost passed out from the sheer amount of vomiting they had done. "What in the hell are we watching? What in God's name is this? Why the f*** are we watching this shit happen? I don't think I'll ever sleep again." Filburt monologued.

"You said it, partner..." Heffer replied. "I think my eyes are bleeding."

"Mine too..." Filburt replied in exhaustion. "What we really need to see now is a mental doctor."

"What about the medical doctor?" Heffer pointed out.

"Oh yeah, that too." Filburt replied. "Hey, wanna see how many times we can lightly bang our heads against the wall before we pass out?"

"Why not?" Heffer replied. "I think I've just lost all faith in animality."

"Me...too..." Filburt replied with his last breath as both him and Heffer fainted onto the floor from excessive amounts of eye bleeding and complete mental exhaustion.

Rocko had just finished using his tail to pick Gordon's foot nose and feed the hairy sweaty boogers into Gordon's mouth, and thus the graphic foot sex scene ended.

"Thanks a lot, little buddy!" Gordon thanked Rocko. "That really tickled! I hope you weren't weirded out by my incredibly bizarre bodily functions!"

"Not in the slightest, mate!" Rocko replied, still managing to hold his puke in. "Good-bye!"

Rocko ran outside, shot himself right through the brain, and puked out his entire skeleton while doing so. A mysterious light blue hand with an orange striped sleeve then reached down from the sky, grabbed Rocko's soul, and lifted it up into the heavens.

As it turned out, this hand was the hand of God, who sentenced Rocko to a full week in hell.

God used his fingers to flick Rocko into hell, where he saw that he was instantly surrounded by talking feet. Rocko screamed his brain out and ran for his afterlife.

One week later, God painfully and amusingly revived Rocko back into the real world for the next episode, showing yet again what a sick mockery Rocko's childhood truly was. All's well that ends well, even when it involves various types of immense physical pain followed by a giant TV falling over and crushing everyone except you.

THAT WAS A HOOT.