

Ride, ride, ride your bike gently down the street. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life's a storm of shit. Bam. And I fall again. This time I scraped my right knee. By my counting, it's the seventh time I've scraped the right one. The left's been scraped three times only. Being left-handed and all, I fall more to the right. I pull the bike up and climb again. Ride, ride, ride your bike – Bam. Right side again. I pull myself up from the pavement again. Dark, dark, dark all around me. The highway whistles a cold wind that smells of dead bodies. Not really, it smells fine, I'm just being overdramatic. It is dark as shit though, and I am having trouble riding this thing. My balance is somewhat acceptably fine, but my arms are weak enough now that they keep sliding off of the handles, and so I fall. And fall again. At this rate it'll take me weeks to get to New York. What? Yeah, I know exactly where I am. I just went by a sign reading 'Allentown City Limit'. So we're good. On our way to New York, all right. Everything's fine. What's that? Where's Allentown? Fuck if I know. Back on the bike. Before I can even start it, my hand slips again. I can't get a firm grip anymore. If I could eat just one person, I'd get better enough to drive this damn thing. But nooo, Eve's gotta be a goody good vegan zombie girl. I look around. I can barely see three feet ahead. The stars and the moon are out over the highway like they're CGI – one of the nice side effects of this post-human world. No lights, more stars. Both ways, ahead and behind, the road extends seemingly forever. I look at the handles in front of me again. If only I had something to keep my hands steady on the – I look down at my waist and pull my shirt up. Uh....

Weee! Here I go. This is more like it. Forty, fifty... fifty five miles an hour straight through Pennsylvania's woods and steep gable roof houses, my leather Aerosmith belt keeping my wrists tight to the handles of the bike. This is more like it. Cue 'Born to be Wild', Eve's on the road and she's gaining on you fucking zombies! I. Am. So. Very. Hungry. Focus. Fuck hunger. Just drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, Eve. Let's get to New York. Let's get to Levon. Come on! And so I go.

Zombie fact number twenty: In the distance, mere shapes of black against the slightly less black of the sky, I spot New York City's skyline.