THE Real Housewives of Auckland know you’ve been having a guggle — sorry, giggle — at their expense.

The latest iteration in the all-conquering Real Housewives franchise kicks off on Foxtel’s Arena channel this Sunday, and two of its stars, in Sydney to spruik the show to Aussie viewers, know they’re pitching to a sceptical audience, snickering at the thought of a Kiwi Housewives.

But Louise Wallace and Anne Batley Burton say Australian Real Housewives fans are in for a surprise — they’re just as capable of bringing the drama as their Melbourne counterparts, and they do it all with a bit more class, darling.

We chatted to the pair — Louise, a trained actor and presenter with decades of experience on TV, and Anne, a self-described ‘champagne lady’ and tireless animal welfare advocate — as they finished off a bottle of champagne in a Double Bay hotel suite. Très Housewives.

Alright ladies, let’s get right to it: Why on earth should Aussies watch the Real Housewives of Auckland?

Louise: People will think the show won’t be as good as the Australian version. ‘What have they got to offer?’ They probably think that Auckland’s not as beautiful as Sydney or Melbourne, and that we don’t have the wealth or the looks. They’re thinking this is the junior, country bumpkin version of Housewives …

Anne: They’re in for a shock. We are maybe a little bit less brash than the Australian housewives, but there’s still plenty of drama. Our fashion is a bit different from the Melbourne girls, less garish. Lou and I tend to be more about classic style with lovely jewellery.

Excellent shade. Real Housewives of Auckland starts with a bang — there’s a big fight and tears in the very first episode, when another of the Housewives labels lifestyle guru Angela a ‘plus-size model’. Was it knives out from the very beginning?

Louise: We had photoshoots, we had the launch, we were all very amicable — laughing and joking and all the rest of it. What happened at the first social function when we were all together was a complete surprise. That ‘plus size model’ comment came out and I thought, did I actually hear that?

Anne: Angela is a woman who embraces women as they are — she’s all about embracing and empowering women, she’s preaching that non-stop. But on the other hand, she’s SO insulted by being called a plus-sized model. She is bigger than a normal model, let’s be realistic about it!

Louise: By the time the next comment came out [from Michelle, the rail-thin former fashion model who made the ‘plus-size’ comment], ‘Darling with tits the size of yours, you’re not a normal model,’ I thought right, there’s no mistaking that.

Anne: Maybe that’s a compliment, that she’s beautiful and voluptuous and sexy?

Louise: Not the way she said it, though.

Anne: No, I know.

There were tears from Angela after that confrontation — but also some conjecture about whether or not she was bunging it on.

Louise: I was convinced they were real — now I’m not so sure. She did say to me, ‘I want people to feel sorry for me.’ That’s when I smelt a rat!

Louise, you run a theatre company in Auckland — that seems like the antithesis of the Real Housewives image. Were you nervous about joining the show?

Louise: I did have trepidation, but I looked at it as a career move and a way to get back in the public eye. It’s a way to get bums on seats for the plays, even if it’s purely out of curiosity, to see me — that’s fine. And if it’s not too late and I’m not too old, I’d like to do more TV presenting in Australia and New Zealand.

Anne: A lot of people think I’m called the ‘champagne lady’ because I drink copious amounts of it — which is true — but I’ve also been importing it for over 20 years now. I wanted to get my profile out there, and I thought this was a fantastic opportunity. I’m so involved with animal welfare and the New Zealand Cat Foundation too, and I saw this as a great opportunity to raise awareness of that.

And Louise, you were the host of the New Zealand version of The Weakest Link. Was that good training for flinging insults as a housewife?

Louise: I tell you what it did do — it made me immune to criticism, because I copped so much of it when I did The Weakest Link. They’d never SEEN such a bitch on TV, and I copped it from dawn to dusk. Newspapers, magazines … it was constant. But it was so much fun, because I got to be such a bitch. I’d tell people that the insults were scripted, but none of it was! I made it all up on the spot.

Do either of you feel like the producers have tried to portray you in a negative light?

Louise: They’ve tried to set me up as the villain in the second episode, and in the last episode I’m set up as a villain. They have had a crack at me — they wanted to bring me down to size.

Anne: I think they decided I was best seen as a pussy.

How do you deal with that aspect of reality TV? Do you need a good sense of self to remember it’s all slightly make-believe?

Louise: Because I’ve directed reality TV [Wallace directed the New Zealand version of The Apprentice] and I know what the game is, they’re not dealing with an amateur. I try not to get caught out. But it’s almost more difficult for me, because I can sometimes see what they’re trying to do, but I also feel it’s my responsibility to provide drama and good TV. If I’m boring, I’m not going to get screen time.

Anne: There’s little things — in the first episode you see us going to lunch and I say, ‘It’s not Asian, is it?’ I don’t like Asian food in the main, because a lot of the spices just don’t agree with me. It’s not because I’ve got anything against Asian people. Then of course out it comes, and a lot of the media now say I have a ‘fear of the Orient’. It’s turned into a big joke. Last night we went to a Japanese restaurant and I said ‘God Lou, we’d better do a selfie!’

The Melbourne Housewives have gotten into more than a few Twitter bust-ups between them. We couldn’t help but notice that none of the Auckland Housewives are on Twitter ...

Anne: No, we don’t do Twitter. I don’t have time for it — I’m trying to run businesses and look after 150 stray pussies.

Louise: I never want to do Twitter. I think Twitter is evil. From what I’ve read, people mainly get into trouble through Twitter, and I want to avoid that. It seems to attract completely vile losers, and I don’t need those people in my life.

Anne: I have replied to a few nasty comments. Someone was having a go about the seven fiances — I’ve had seven fiances — and wrote ‘I wonder if any of them even remember her.’ Well yes, we’re all besties! It’s true, I’m good friends with all my ex-fiances and my ex-husbands.

Run us through the other Housewives. Who’s the bitchiest?

Anne: Well, Gilda says it the way it is, but not in a malicious way.

Louise: Julia is the snitch. She drops everyone in it.

Who’s the richest? Who THINKS they’re the richest?

Louise: Michelle behaves the richest.

Anne: Gilda must be pretty rich — she’s got five staff running around that mansion.

Louise: Well, we don’t know that she pays for it. But who actually IS the richest? I don’t know. There’s a lot of smoke and mirrors and you never know what people owe. I can say with some authority that neither Anne or I owe anything, other than our current credit card.

Who starts out nice but shows their true colours?

Both: Angela.

Anne: That big smile, it’s always there, and people probably think she’s so lovely and nice …

Louise: But by episode two you’ll already see the cracks start to appear. BIG cracks.

The Real Housewives of Auckland debuts on Foxtel’s Arena on Sunday August 28 at 8:30pm.