Lost In A Retro Haze Of Mainstream Video Game Reporting

your crazy

It’s called a Nintendo game, and it has the kind of revolutionary pictures that will sent your brand new Rank Arena into a tizzy with genuine graphics magic. Let me tell you, video games have come a long way since the Pac-Men and Space Invaders.

[laughs]

Now all the kids are after this, the Nintendo Super box. The box with the games and the colours — and let me tell you Mario’s moustache has never looked browner. I’m standing here with parent Jim ‘Jimmo’ Jamieson who has travelled all the way from Dubbo, NSW to pick up this new wizard’s box o’ tricks for his Jon ‘Jonno’ Jamieson.

“Aw the kids just bloody love this shit,” he said. That was all he said.

The Super Nintendo box is the successor, or sequel if you will, to the original normal Nintendo box. Nintendo is promising the better pictures, but is it really worth your hard earned dollars and cents.

may

“We should take this issue to the highest seats of power in the nations,” she said, in an exclusive interview with Tonight Today. “We should march on the halls of government and make strange dinosaur noises. That’s the only way they’ll listen. Dinosaur noises. My favourite Dinosaur is a Stegosaurus. It goes RAAAWR.”

The science report papers are clear. The video gameses will breach the minds of children and filter engorged murderous lemmings inside their frontal lobes, transforming them into strange, terrifying copper robots that will infiltrate, and then tear to shreds, the very fabric of society. This is a true fact as reported by the man, who wrote on this piece of paper.

In this journalist’s opinion the only correct response is panic. A high pitched uncontrollable panic where we all run around in tight concentric circles until blood leaks from our eyeballs. We should make strange noises, yes — maybe even dinosaur noises. In times like these we must do all we can to protect the childrens from devilcubes and if that means braying at the moon like lobotomised Stegosauruses, then that’s what we must do.

Mark ‘Marko’ Serrels, reporting.