A VISIONARY has seen through all the sentimentality to the cold, capitalist heart of Christmas and is telling everyone to wake up.

Martin Bishop, from North London, says that every part of Christmas tradition, from the tinsel to turkey, is part of a big business masterplan to make us consume more.

He added: “Why do you buy presents for people that they wouldn’t buy for themselves? To get more money into the system.

“Why is all the good telly on? To make you watch the adverts. Why are there so few Malteser Teasers in the Celebrations? To make you buy another tub.

“Everything from the roaring log fire to the mince pie for Santa is there to encourage self-identification as a consumer class and keep the wheels of capitalism turning.

“Read some Noam Chomsky and stay awake, sheeple!”

Turner’s flatmate, Susan Traherne, said: “Hearing Martin peel back the veneer of Christmas to reveal the cold corporate machinery behind it has been a challenging but ultimately liberating experience.

“Just kidding. I think he’s an arse.”