DOOM PATROL is insane. Furthermore, it’s an incredibly wild and complex ride that will either make you smile or give you the biggest headache in the world. That’s why I absolutely adore it and why I’ve been so excited for DOOM PATROL #10. Also, Grant Morrison’s run might be the definitive version of these characters, but Gerard Way is doing some amazing things with the team. Plus, artists Nick Derington, Tamra Bonvillain, Tom Fowler, and Todd Klein pull us into this world that provides an excellent escape from our own, while Way acts as a Willy Wonka-type madman guiding us through it all.

If you had asked me to pick my favorite book from last year, DOOM PATROL would be it. It’s my favorite story and by far my favorite team in comics.

So, these incredibly long breaks in-between issues are starting to destroy me. Evidently, that’s why I thought it’d be fun to document my exact thoughts as I stumbled through DOOM PATROL #10. For the greatest effect, please read the book along with me.

Alright, here we go, kids.

The Cover

1. What fresh hell is is this?

2. Nick Derington, did you actually sign this cover as “Dick Nerdington?” You delightful son of a bitch.

3. I just made the mistake of reading the nonsense on the VHS tape and Gerard, I am so mad at you right now. *Grabs a bottle of ibuprofen*

4. Alright, cover dialogue, if it’s up to me to save the Doom Patrol, we’re all in trouble.

Pages 1 — 5

5. Jesus Murphy, this first page is a lot. DOOM PATROL #10 starting off strong.

6. My girl, why are we tap dancing on a rooftop while people transform into mutant things? Are we trying to be the Beatles? Now isn’t the time.

7. TERRY, WTF IS HAPPENING?

8. What are these shapes? Am I in geometry class?

9. That is a hammer wearing a cape, riding a hippopotamus. Alright then.

10. Okay, listen. I tell people not to mess with Ouija boards all the time. THIS IS WHY (I’m aware that Ouija boards didn’t cause Lucius’ disappearance, but STILL).

11. Can I hire Flex to be my nutritionist?

12. HAHAHA. He said, “Everyone ate shit.”

13. Goddamn right, that’s Mr. freaking Nobody and I’ve been waiting so long for this.

14. Cliff is gonna punch Mr. Paperclip’s head and I’m so excited.

Pages 6 — 10

15. The Disappointment is still brilliant.

16. Also, the Disappointment saying, “The fuck is this?” is me every single time I read DOOM PATROL.

17. Oh boy, Rita Farr is in for some trouble.

18. I still like that someone is called Retconn.

19. “A thing inside the thing around the thing.” Give Gerard another Eisner, please.

20. It’s the panda! The My Chemical Romance inflatable panda is in the damn book! I’m dead.

21. I’m mildly disappointed in myself for laughing at the big-headed person saying, “Somebody please help me.” Mildly.

22. It’s also important to note that the moment mentioned in #21 lives and dies by fantastic lettering. Good job, Todd.

23. I hate to admit it, but “Dumb Patrol” is not bad villain banter. Nor is “Bucket-head.”

24. UNBEKNOWNST. Good word.

25. TERRY IS MR. NOBODY’S DAUGHTER? Holy twist, Batman.

26. I like that Hector the Boy Detector doesn’t know what the endgame is here.

Pages 11 — 15

27. CLIFF DID THE THING!

28. Flex’s “But where’s the rest of you?!” comment to Chad just made my damn day. DOOM PATROL #10 is officially funny.

29. Lucius. I like you. Don’t hurt Jane. Don’t make me mad.

30. OH, it’s because of the whole cult thing. Okay, Lucius, I get you. You still shouldn’t do it.

31. Okay, this family talk is a lot of pain in a very funny comic.

32. Damn you, Gerard Way. Stop being good at your job! (No, don’t listen to me. Please never stop).

33. WHAT IS THIS BAT-SQUIRREL-CANDLE-THING? Some occult shit? My god, I’m in.

34. Demonscape? Throne? Lucius, you lucky metalhead.

35. Aaaaaand he turned that down. Whelp. I’ll go now.

36. “Oh, hey!” Really, Terry?

37. Holy quick gestation period, Terry!

Pages 16 — 20

38. Oh shit, the Chief’s here to explain to us a thing.

39. I have a lot of questions about this baby and I doubt any of them will ever be answered, so I’ll just keep reading.

40. My dude, Fugg, is here so everything is better now.

41. No, Casey. You cannot take care of a cat. You SLEPT with that cat after it ran away and somehow turned into a humanoid punk rocker (I’m still grappling with that).

42. Please explain to me this fear of bicycles, Flex.

43. “I think my bike used to be a person.” Nope. No questions here.

44. I literally just said “aww” out loud at: “I think I like you.”

45. Why’s everything fading?

Pages 21 — 25

46. WHY’S EVERYTHING FADING?

47. The fuck is an Omniblank?

48. Someone is asking the right questions on this blank page and I wish I knew who it was.

49. Danny. Is. Crashing through the page. Now that’s good artwork.

50. Am I gonna have to wait like three more months for another issue? Because I wanna read it now, but I also need to recover, I think.

Closing Thoughts on DOOM PATROL #10

I’m now absolutely drained, but also so damn happy. I have no real explanation for what I just read. Nonetheless, I’m pleased.

It would be nice if these issues came out more often. Still, if it takes this much time for the team to put out such a quality book, they could take six months for all I care. Just keep making DOOM PATROL this good and I’ll read it forever.

Now excuse me, I have to read this like three more times so I don’t miss anything.