Opinion: We Must Make S the First and Most Powerful Letter in the Alphabet

We all know the expression, “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.” Well if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d make sure that S comes first to better match up with tier lists. And if you elect me President of the United States, I will do exactly that.

For any non-gamer allies who are unfamiliar with our terminology, here’s a quick rundown: gamers have developed a more advanced sorting of the alphabet that we call “tier lists.” These tier lists are identical to your normie English Alphabet except that it recognizes S for its immense power, placing it on its rightful throne atop of the weaker letters. When necessary, Gamers give S even more power by creating higher and higher tiers with additional S’s such as SS and SSS.

As a nation, we are not harnessing the full power of our letters — and as we all know, letters make up words, words make up sentences, and sentences make up actions. As a result, changing our alphabet to better match tier lists would have a direct impact on the actions of our great nation. This is why we need a Gamer President so desperately; we need someone who can look beyond the phony politics of Democrats and Republicans and find the advanced strats and cheats to heal our people.

Signed,

Ace WatkinS

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Written by Ace Watkins with contributions from Jeremy Kaplowitz.