On Wednesday, Major League Baseball suspended Cubs shortstop Addison Russell without pay for 40 games, retroactive to Sept. 21. Russell didn’t appeal the decision.

He was placed on administrative leave, in accordance with the Joint MLB-MLBPA Domestic Violence Policy. The league announced that since June 2017, when allegations of domestic violence involving Russell first became public, baseball’s Department of Investigations commenced an investigation into these claims.

Often, we report on domestic violence through the lens of the player and the team it affects. In this story, Russell’s ex-wife Melisa Reidy shares what MLB’s investigation process is like for those outside the game, and why she ultimately chose to come forward.

During some of the most difficult times over the past year, Melisa Reidy used to set her phone alarm for the mid-afternoon with daily reminders:

You are strong.

You are beautiful.

You are valuable.

You are enough.

Reeling in the wake of her separation from her husband, Chicago Cubs shortstop Addison Russell, and dealing from the aftermath of what she describes as “physical, mental and emotional abuse,” Reidy did not know when she would experience a breakdown, or when some memory might trigger a retreat back to a dark place. And she knew she couldn’t always afford to crumble. She had her son Aiden, now three, to think about.

Her divorce from Russell was finalized in August, but it wasn’t until a month ago, she says, that she started to feel like herself again. Reidy, 24, moved back home to Florida, returned to the workplace, and felt she had strengthened her resolve, journaling her thoughts and listening to Christian music as she deliberated about what to do.

Major League Baseball had been in touch with her previously, when an Instagram post last year about her relationship with Russell included a comment from a friend of Reidy’s alleging physical abuse. Reidy had not been ready to talk to league investigators then. She asked them what her cooperation would mean for Russell, how it would affect him. Her lawyer advised against it.

Melisa Reidy, pictured here with her ex-husband Cubs shortstop Addison Russell, his daughter and their son Aiden, rides on a bus during the Cubs’ World Series parade in 2016. (Dylan Buell/Getty Images)

Reidy asked MLB investigators to wait until her divorce was finalized, and they made contact again after that. She remained unsure. Again, she was reminded by her lawyer that any potential disciplinary action that could impact Russell financially could also have implications for her and their son, in terms of the support they’d receive as part of their divorce agreement. That put her in a tough spot. Reidy wasn’t interested in being punitive toward Russell, she says, and though she wanted to participate, she knew that doing so might be counter to her own self-interests.

“I wanted to be true to myself. This has never been about to be money to me. That’s something I feel very strongly about,” Reidy told The Athletic. “Even though I had every reason not to (participate), my heart felt compelled.”

Reidy had disclosed to friends and family what she experienced. She had verbalized some of the intimate thoughts she was dealing with and struggles she had endured. One night, she decided to articulate it in a different way, typing up a lengthy blog post about what she said was a “toxic relationship” with Russell and detailing the many ways she says she felt demeaned and degraded throughout their marriage. She never mentioned him by name and the tone was neither vengeful nor retaliatory. She simply wanted others to know they were not alone.

“My heart felt so compelled to be able to talk about it,” Reidy said. “It took a long time to build the courage. I’d think of what would happen, what people would say, but I was focusing on the good. … I just had this overwhelming sense of courage. All the time I knew it was under there. But I’ve never felt like so much weight (had been lifted) off my shoulders.”

It was after this post went public, and viral, that she felt she had summoned the requisite confidence to fully participate with MLB’s investigation. Reidy said that she has been in touch with the league for months as she weighed the decision. Throughout that time, the league showed patience and discretion. Those involved with the process wanted her to feel comfortable doing this on her own time.

“They were very patient. They answered any questions I had and broke down the process, gave me time to think,” Reidy said. “They were careful about my feelings and my privacy and they never made me feel like I had to (participate).”

When she recently went to meet with investigators in person, a lengthy and emotional meeting, she said she was treated with care and respect. Though they asked her to share “every little detail, everything I had to report, all the accusations that were made, starting from Day 1,” she never felt like she was the subject of an interrogation.

When asked what supporting documents and information she was asked to provide, Reidy declined to go into specifics. She said she’d prefer to keep those aspects of the investigation confidential.

Reidy confirmed, however, that league investigators asked if she had a suggestion as to what sort of discipline would be appropriate for Russell. Reidy said she declined to weigh in on that decision.

“I don’t think it was my place,” she said. “My intentions were not to give him punishment.”

Russell had denied the abuse allegations against him before issuing a statement in support of the suspension Wednesday, in which he said, “I wish my ex-wife well and hope we can live in peace for the benefit of our child.”

Reidy was also prepared for the backlash that would follow, both by putting her thoughts out there via her blog post and by her participation in the investigation. She knew the questions that would come.

Why now? Why did you stay?

“Unless you’ve been in an abusive, toxic relationship, a lot of people don’t understand how it affects you mentally and emotionally and how it affects you mentally and emotionally after the experience,” she said. “I just lost sight of life in general. I didn’t know who I was. I was mourning my marriage. I was mourning someone I thought I knew and didn’t.

“There’s no instruction manual on how to heal from emotional, physical and mental abuse.”

There was also her son to consider. Reidy knows that one day he will have questions and she must be prepared to answer them.

“I think about that every day,” she said. “I believe when my son gets older he will understand. I think he will be proud of me for being strong for him and doing what I had to do to give him a better life, to make sure he didn’t have to grow up in a toxic home.”

Reidy said that she grew up in a loving, supportive environment. Her father treated her mother “like a queen.” Her mom reciprocated. That’s the sort of atmosphere in which she wants Aiden to grow. She also wants him to know that there are consequences for not treating others with respect. She said she wants him to succeed in all facets of life, and “be someone he can be proud of.”

“I’m sure he’s gonna have questions,” she said. “But I think it’s important for Aiden to know these things.”

Reidy said she never envisioned sharing the details of her life and recovery as she has. There are times when she has felt exposed, all of her vulnerabilities laid bare. But Reidy also feels that she has grown in strength and courage throughout the process. She is grateful for the time she had to heal and recommends that anyone else in the same position take time to do the same.

The decision to come forward for Reidy was a personal one, and she knows it is not for everyone. But she wants any other woman who was feeling like she was — hurt, scared, belittled and worthless — to know there are others out there. And that each woman always has the option, and the voice, if they choose to use it.

“I just think it’s important for women to know that what they have to say is important and they are valued,” Reidy said. “They shouldn’t be intimidated by anyone. Don’t feel scared to stand up for what’s right, regardless of what people have to say.

“What we have to say is important and valued. Believe in yourself.”

(Top photo: Rob Tringali/MLB Photos via Getty Images)