If Don Pyke wants some non-technical help in analysing what happened in Hobart last weekend ... then ... we're happy to provide it. Your players had overdosed on their own bathwater.

Dejected Crows leave the field after a Roo belting in Tasmania. Picture: AFL Photos







If we liked what we saw in round one ... then ... we haven't liked much since. A rejuvenated Hawthorn in Launceston looms as ugly, too.

If you think Dale Thomas has just given up a potentially financially lucrative clause in his contract without getting anything back in return ... then ... you don't know how wily his manager Paul Connors is. Devil is always in detail.

If the jungle drums we heard during the week were in sync ... then ... Treloar's groin problems have returned.

If you've lost four of your past five ... then ... you've got to show some real fight against the Cats this weekend. They, too, have had a bad fortnight and are not daunting.

If last week's round of upsets is to partially flow into this round ... then ... the Dockers are worth deep consideration against the Tigers.

If there's one thing we love in a season of footy ... then ... it's the selection of a bolter. Irish rookie Mark O’Connor's debut in round eight can't be topped in this category this year.

If we've been a tad sceptical, even cynical, about this China game ... then ... we're prepared to concede now. No run-of-the-mill home-and-away match-up like this one has ever received a greater build-up.

Rodney Eade and Ken Hinkley face the media in Shanghai. Picture: AFL Photos







If we thought this club had extraordinary, never-before-seen depth ... then ... we're clearly going to have to re-think that. Rookie-list players Sam Reid and first-gamer Daniel Lloyd are in this round eight team.

If there's one thing Clarko likes more than one of his trusty lieutenants getting a senior gig at another club ... then ... it is beating that guy the first time they clash. Good luck, Fages.

Alastair Clarkson and Chris Fagan in happier times: Picture: AFL Photos







If the run, disposal efficiency and flair when bringing the ball out of the backline is not significantly improved in the next month ... then ... this season is going to be like so many before it: disappointing.

If Jarrad Waite contributed to so many of his problems in the past with the MRP ... then ... we feel sorry for him after last week's suspension for a dodgy tackle. Didn't think he did much wrong there, and might have simply suffered from tackling Tom Lynch in the same week Koby Stevens nailed Nathan Wilson.

Jarrad Waite has a word to the umpire during the Roos' clash with the Crows. Picture: AFL Photos







If you want to fast-track Wingard's progress as a midfielder ... then ... assign him Ablett in this match. Would love to see it happen.

Chad Wingard celebrates a goal for Port in round seven. Picture: AFL Photos



If Martin was assigned Fyfe at the MCG on Sunday, or vice-versa ... then ... we'd be in for a treat. Bring it on.

If Richo keeps making McCartin play in the VFL ... then ... he'll be seeking to play AFL elsewhere in 2018.

Former No.1 draft pick Paddy McCartin toils away in the VFL. Picture: AFL Photos







If you were considered the missing link in a losing Grand Final last year, when you were absent with injury, and then by round seven the next season you're axed because you missed a training session ... then ... you've had an abrupt fall. Aliir Aliir at a crossroads.

Out-of-favour Swan Aliir Aliir at a recent training session. Picture: Getty Images







If this mob defeats the Doggies ... then we'll back off on the flat-trackers stuff for at least a week.





If there's one thing we've learnt with Beveridge as coach ... then ... it is that the bookies' odds and the on-paper match-ups don't matter. Every game is winnable with him in charge ...

And by popular request ...

If you want Exhibit A of what's wrong with AFL rules this year ... then ... we present Koby Stevens' tackle on Nathan Wilson. Umpire deemed it worthy of a free kick to Stevens. MRP said it was a two-game suspension to Stevens (downgraded to one after early plea).

Koby Stevens wraps up Nathan Wilson before dumping him into the ground. AFL Photos



Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian