1. The Lie: We live in a meritocracy

The Painful Truth: No, the hell we don’t. I once thought this, but the truth is, we live in a world riddled with nepotism, favoritism, and prejudice. The truth is, you may be extremely intelligent, but you may have to go through hoops to land an enviable spot at a prestigious school or job position, while less-qualified people simply pay or butt-kiss their way in.

2. The Lie: “It’s what’s on the inside that counts.”

The Painful Truth: Sure, there are people who are not dazzled by looks and truly vet people based on their mind and heart. But world is very image-conscious and how well you are treated is based on how attractive you are or how much money you have in the bank. In being a former ugly duckling and “glowing up,” I’ve seen the differences – first hand – in the dramatic increase in kindness from others because of my so-called “attractiveness.” Attractive women in my circle have snagged temporary rent discounts and flight/hotel upgrades purely because they are “pretty” (Note: they were pretty and kind – pretty and nasty gets you nowhere).

2. The Lie: “Work hard and you’ll succeed.”

The Painful Truth: Don’t work hard – work smarter. If you’re working god knows how many hours a week and barely scraping by, you need to think about how you can work smarter – not harder.

3. The Lie: “Marriage + kids = happiness” The Painful Truth: The media perpetuates this life script that women and men must follow to have this fairytale ending – “get married, have kids, and yay, you’re happy!” But the truth is, there is absolutely nothing outside of yourself that brings you happiness – happiness must come from within. Do not fall for the myth that a walk down the aisle and popping out a few kids will suddenly remove your sadness – that is pure BS. If you can’t be satisfied with yourself first, no outside forces will bring you joy. Be careful with people pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do – misery loves company.

4. The Lie: “Not everyone is racist.”

The Painful Truth: It is impossible to go grow up in a world with such high racial tensions and emerge completely unbiased and unprejudiced. And the sad part is that a lot of people don’t even realize their unconscious biases. But the great thing is that they will ALWAYS expose themselves through microagressions. Here are some examples: Your white friend may express hesitation about going to “that” movie theater because it’s in a “black” neighborhood. Your Uber driver will put on a rap station when you enter the car. Your white boss may tell you that your hair needs to be “tamed” despite the fact that it is perfectly styled in a twist out. At the end of the day, no matter how “friendly” a white person may be, they will secretly push for strengthening the “white upper hand” rather than caring about systemic oppression against people of color. After all, the system does benefit them.

5. The Lie: “If a white person date/sleeps/marries someone outside of their race, they can’t possibly be racist.”

The Painful Truth: This goes for any interracial combination – just because someone sleeps with someone else outside of their race, this does NOT mean they respect that person’s race. I can personally attest to this with my own experience with IRR dating – I’ve had an ex tell me that he hates black men, thinks they’re “scary,” and even called a dark-skinned Indian friend of mine the n-word, yet talked about marrying me – a black woman. GTFO. The second you hear your spouse disparage your race in any way, DUMP HIM/HER with a quickness!

6. The Lie: Protest – you’ll get you want!

The Painful Truth: The “powers that be” will just cork their ears and close the blinds – they don’t give a F**K about what you’re hashtagging about on Twitter. The best way to get what you want is to be the change that you want to see in this world. For example, quietly climb up the ranks of corporate America ( The “powers that be” will just cork their ears and close the blinds – they don’t give a F**K about what you’re hashtagging about on Twitter. The best way to get what you want is toFor example, quietly climb up the ranks of corporate America ( Studies clearly show that people in high-ranking positions mostly only hire people who look like them – white males.) When you get to a position when you can recruit candidates, you now have the power to hire talented, intelligent people who often get overlooked because of their race or gender. Hire that incredible software engineer with the ‘fro. Hire that super-smart white woman who would have been passed up for a male counterpart.

7. The Lie: “We are an equal opportunity employer.”

The Painful Truth: Bullsh**. While you’re job hunting, disable all your social media profiles. Hide your online identity. Some hiring managers are told not to hire certain types of people, and as long as they’re not stupid enough to be overt about it, they get away with it.

8. The Lie: Experience is all that matters in getting the job!

The Painful Truth: Absolutely not. Charm over an amazing resume will get you the job. Of course, experience is necessary – you wouldn’t have gotten the face-to-face interview without it. But between you (for example, the person with the 7 years of experience and impressive skill set) and the guy with 4 years of experience, but can make the employer laugh with witty answers and funny storytelling, sorry, but the less-experienced, charismatic, stand-up comedian will snag the job.

9. The Lie: “The 9-5 job is the path for you!”

The Painful Truth: I’ll never understand why U.S. school systems seem to direct students toward being employees instead of being employers. When you’re an employee, you’re at the mercy of someone dangling your job stability in their hands – they can fire you and cut your pay whenever they want, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Take time to think about what you’re talented at, sharpen that skill, and sell it as a product or a service. The Internet is right at your fingertips, so you no longer have to rely on “gatekeepers” to become an entrepreneur.

At 26, I’ve learned that the lies that I’ve been spoonfed down my throat paints more of an idealized world – what humans fantasize about what “perfect” society looks like – NOT the reality.