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The most diverse show yet, an America overload, male cheerleaders and strongmen, the Patreon alternative, the science of procrastinating, a caller has a Wedding Four-Way before his wedding day, women’s long lines for the restrooms, National Mod Day, Nazi furries, millennials who don’t know the holocaust, victim blaming police, my Imortan Joe milk brigade, and Facebook Gets Deleted; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Dick Show is heading to Australia! The tentative dates are between April 12th and the 20th and the cities Melbourne and Sydney, but we don’t know which city is going to be first yet. It turns out there’s some big comedy festival in Melbourne the only weekend we were able to make it happen, so of course we now have to compete with every LA-based comedian in Australia. But we will make it happen! More details to come.

Also, come play Magic the Gathering with us! Draft with draughts and fellow Dickheads in Downtown, Los Angeles after the MtG:Gran Prix Tournament at the TdS: Grand Pricks Tournament, Saturday, March 2nd 8PM.

Buy Tickets to Play or just come drink–and play Winners Drink. But first…

People say those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it, but I don’t know if that’s true. I’ve shit in my pants many times. I remember all of them, but it doesn’t stop me from doing it again.

The Nazis shit in the Jews pants once.

How do you like that? But I wasn’t going to do that anyway, so I don’t think knowing about it changes anything–at least not for me. Maybe for some, it would.

Two-thirds of millennials don’t know what is an Auschwitz. Twenty two percent say they’ve never heard of The Holocaust. I blame Star Wars. They swapped the heavy-handed, Nazi-influenced fascist antagonists for feminists ones in the reboot and history has yet to declare feminism the winner. Obviously, I have my version pre-written, Darth Vader and his toxic masculinity bravely defended a democratic electorate from Princess Leia, a virtue-signalling diversity hire in a Meritocratic Rebellion. But I may not be the winner.

Maybe some historical perspective would help people. The ones who scream “Nazi” in lieu of an argument, for example. Maybe they would benefit from learning what is a Nazi or what is an argument for that matter. The people who are eager to push forward an idea–any idea, or an agenda without stopping to think of the consequences and the collateral damage and the pants that get shit in. The nature of life and progress and expression under fascism. What even is a fascism? And has there ever been a case where the well-intended actions of a mob lead to a less desirable outcome? That’s a nice idea, but history teaches us that those people never stop to learn it. Pretending they will doesn’t make them the idiot. They’re not the ones doing bragging about all this learning, are they?

So fuck it! Fuck history. The only lesson history teaches is that we’re doomed to repeat it.

Auschwitz? The Holocaust? Couldn’t help with those, but if you’re ever at Platform 9 3/4 at King’s Cross Station in London, what you want to do is run right into the fucking wall. Or if you need to make a Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs, what you need to do is buy this plastic piece of shit on eBay. And here’s a lesson from fake history that you’re really going to want to learn. If you are on Maury and you think you are not the father, then you better think again. History teaches us that many men who think they are not the father are in fact the father. And then you’ll be a father with shit in your pants.

“Kiwis on Discord” by Jeff Cockflute



“Motivation for Coach” by Todd Seidel fet. MCMC



“Heir to the Cum Throne” by OblivionFall After Dark.



Dick Pics!





Thumbnail that shall ride eternal. Shiny, and chrome! By Wormwood.

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