'HI ROB, if you're available, I'd love to catch up for a coffee next time I'm in Sydney'.

The message from Australian Christian Lobby Managing Director Lyle Shelton thudded into my Twitter Direct Message inbox unexpectedly one day.

What could Mr Shelton, Australia's leading opponent of letting dudes marry dudes and ladies marry ladies, want with me, an out and proud supporter of marriage equality?

I quickly replied in the affirmative and after a few false starts found myself face-to-face with the man who, for a very long time, I have considered to be a complete homophobe.

For an hour I sat somewhat nervously across from the biggest roadblock to achieving marriage equality in Australia as we discussed everything from our media landscape and the humanitarian crisis in Syria, to religious history and of course, marriage equality.

Despite not seeing eye-to-eye on much, the conversation was pleasant. We shook hands and went our separate ways an hour later, each with a new-found understanding of the other.

Mr Shelton was open minded and listened graciously to what I had to say - I hope he feels I returned the favour.

He seemed genuinely shocked and upset when I told him that some of the comments his organisation, and the people who represent it, have made are deeply upsetting to the gay community - especially to queer kids just coming to terms with their sexuality.

The ACL has compared the gay marriage movement to Hitler's propaganda machine, compared being gay to the harmful health effects of smoking and has even compared the children of gay couples to the victims of the Stolen Generations - a comparison Mr Shelton maintains is accurate.

These comments have real-world effects on already vulnerable kids, but Mr Shelton was adamant that he would never want to vilify gay people.

At the same time, he insisted that his organisation is the victim of politically correct censorship - that even the act of speaking out against marriage equality was becoming unacceptable.

The real challenge, the head of the ACL insists, is convincing like-minded public figures to speak out for 'family values'.

In Lyle's world, Christians are the oppressed minority.

In our hour-long chat a few things became clear that previously have lurked beneath the surface of Lyle's public words - mainly that opponents of marriage equality have serious trouble making the distinction between sex and sexuality.

The ACL's stance on same-sex marriage is rooted in the belief that sexuality is a choice, and is determined on the basis of the physical act of sex.

My sexuality is not just the person I sleep with, it's who I am - as much a part of me as the hand I write with or my taste in music.

It's not a choice.

Mr Shelton seemed to have trouble understanding this, even as I told him my own story of struggling for years to comes to terms with myself.

Mr Shelton kept talking of a need to 'restrain' one's desires - to keep sexuality in check as though it's a switch that can simply be turned on and off.

This belief that sexuality is a choice underpins everything the ACL stands for.

Why should we, with our alternative lifestyle choices, have full equality just because it's the fashion of the moment?

On the issue of children in same-sex households, Mr Shelton is adamant that gay parenting and gay marriage are intertwined - that one inevitably leads to more of the other.

Mr Shelton seemed determined to return to the days when all kids were raised in stable, two biological parent, opposite-sex households.

That a gay couple might do a perfectly good job of raising a child - especially one that might not otherwise have a stable environment - does not seem to occur to the ACL.

Regardless, the issue of the best way to raise kids is entirely separate to the issue of marriage equality.

As a gay man I can have kids through adoption, IVF or surrogacy. I can even do things the old fashioned way if I could find a willing female partner, and no marriage certificate will ever change that.

Using logic more twisted than a cabbie's seatbelt, the head of the ACL said he is determined to keep kids at the forefront of the debate.

The horse has bolted on the issue of gay parenting and its supposed link to gay marriage, but Mr Shelton is still fighting the fight.

Finally we returned to an earlier topic of discussion - the crisis in Syria.

Mr Shelton spoke with great passion as we both wondered what could be done to make people living comfortably in the lucky country care more about this unfolding humanitarian disaster.

Why, if this issue is so important, can't the ACL spend more time talking about it and less time discussing gay marriage? I asked.

Mr Shelton told me that he would love to, if only the ACL could find the time.