Hand jobs are often thought of as a bit of a 'teenage' act, like fingering, or snogging behind the bike sheds. But many penis-owners love them, and sing their praises. So here's how to give a good hand job.

1. Grease is the word

Some things in this world are better dry. Wit, for instance. Some wines. Those little carpet mats that fit round the base of toilets. However, hand jobs are not one of them. If your dry palm pulls and chafes against the skin of a penis, they're likely to wince and yelp as though they've just muddled up their vinaigrette dressing with their contact lens solution.

Smoothing a dash of lubricant over your hands before touching them will ensure your movements feel smoother and slicker. Leave the drag to Ru Paul. I love silicone-based varieties because they’re super-slippery, long-lasting, and stay put even in water, so they’re spot on if you’re playing in the shower (an ideal place for a quick hand shandy, since you can just rinse the druid fluid from their wizard’s wand down the plughole afterwards – easy clean-up).

Cosmopolitan UK recommends Sliquid lubricants - they're natural, organic, hypoallergenic and vegan.

Sliquid

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Lubes can also add alternative sensory aspects to hand jobs. Try a warming or tingling type to switch things up if your lover appreciates such sensations. Or opt for an opaque, white-coloured lubricant for an amazing X-rated visual that looks like they've already cum in bucketloads and you’re playing with it.

Here are some of our fave flavoured lubes:

2. Adapt your approach according to whether or not they have a 'rude snood'

…commonly known as a foreskin. If the penis you're working with is uncircumcised, you can use the foreskin like a like a stimulating ‘sleeve’, moving it gently up and down with the motion of your hand – but take care not to yank it too far either way. Be aware that some foreskins are quite tight; trying to force it down so that all of the glans is exposed can be excruciating.

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My pal Sharky, says: “If you pull a foreskin too far down during an HJ, it can hurt, so I prefer it when a partner begins by grasping my erect penis beneath the head and starts her movements with an upstroke, sliding the foreskin up over my glans then back down to its natural resting place. That feels most comfortable and pleasurable.”

Cosmopolitan

If your partner is circumcised, their penis is likely to be slightly less sensitive, since the skin of the glans is always exposed and thus becomes a tad tougher, and used to being touched a lot of the time by the fabric of their underwear. Lashings of lube plus a slightly tighter grip are likely to be pleasers for them. That said, circumcised penises are also more likely to suffer from dry skin, which can become quite ouchy if you’re rubbing it up and down, and can even develop tiny cuts or cracks. Get them to nip to their GP who can prescribe specialist treatment creams and body washes if dryness is causing issues.

3. Add some imagination with gloves and toys

Into role play? Try donning a pair of latex gloves slathering on some lube, then playing doctors and nurses by giving them a ‘thorough manual examination’. If you’d both like to experiment with some anal play and finger probing, too, wearing gloves can help reassure and relax you both about hygiene.

Masturbation sleeves or the egg-cellent TENGA toys (which have been raved about in Cosmopolitan before) are stretchy silicone tubes or penis covers which you lube up, slip over their schlong, then slide up and down them as you would your hand during a standard HJ. They have different textures on the inside – ripples, ribbing, nodules, waves – to make things feel more unusual and intense.

Cosmopolitan UK recommends the spiral masturbation sleeve. Inside are tonnes of lovely textures that'll feel really good (and different! and interesting!) against your partner's shaft.

TENGA

SHOP NOW TENGA 3D Spiral Textured Masturbator, Lovehoney, £34.99

To increase the firmness and fullness of their erection during a hand job, and make their orgasm feel more KAPOWWWWW, try using a cock ring. Once your partner's stiff, just stretch it over their penis and position it at the base, where it will stop blood from flowing out of their donk-on too quickly, keeping them standing to attention for longer.



Cosmopolitan UK recommends:

4. Perfect the strength of grip

I’ve heard a lot of people complain that because so many people with vulvas appreciate light, delicate strokes to their own down-belows, they try touching ding-a-lings in the same way, when in fact many would prefer a much tighter, stronger, almost more aggressive grip to feeling like Tinkerbell was tap-dancing on their todger.

I think lots of people are also worried about tugging too hard and hurting or even damaging their partner; we’ve all heard the horror stories about someone’s frenulum (the ‘banjo string’ of connective tissue joining the head of the penis to the foreskin) tearing and spraying out blood like someone put a whole pack of Mentos in a bottle of cherryade.

Ruben Chamorro

To ensure your grip is tight enough to suit their tastes, ask them to show you what they love, by placing their hand over yours and squeezing until it feels pleasing.

Once you’ve found a pressure and rhythm that works for them, keep it going steadily, although if you sense they're nearing climax and you want to string things out a while longer, try ‘edging’: take them close to the point of no return, then pause, keeping your hand wrapped around their shaft but just squeezing and releasing in a ‘pulsing’ tempo without moving up and down. Give them a moment to catch their breath and cool off slightly, before beginning to move again, taking them right up to the edge… and then pausing once more, until they simply can’t hold back any longer. When they do finally blow, their orgasm will feel like there’s TNT in their testicles.

5. Try the 'champagne pop' and 'joining the golf club'

Try wrapping both your hands beneath the head of their cock, then smooth your well-lubed thumbs over their glans as though you’re trying to ease the cork out of a bottle of bubbly – using them both at once, or one after another, in a repetitive stroking motion. This is a very sensitive part of the penis, so it will feel intense… and is also a nifty way of taking a break from endless shank cranking if your wrists are getting tired!

Your motions should follow the natural angle of their penis

You could also try positioning yourself behind them, wrapping your arms around them, then holding their penis with both hands as though you were gripping a golf club and sliding them up and down, pausing to lightly fondle their balls now and again with the hand closest to the base. My pal Robert assures me he’s scored a hole in one many a time via this technique, without his peen actually going near anyone’s hole.

Whatever moves you choose, make sure your motions follow the natural angle of their penis; their erection may not be at a perfect 90 degrees to their body, but could lean slightly in either direction. Trying to push or bend it too far out of line can feel uncomfy.



6. Do some weighing before your waheying - and once they've popped, for god's sake stop

OK, this may sound odd, but before I give a hand job (or a blow job, or enjoy any type of sexual play with a penis), sometimes I like to take a moment just to cup the dick in the palm of my hand - as though I’m weighing its chunkiness appreciatively! – and admire it.

I may well say something like “That is a beautiful cock”. Letting my partner know that I think this incredibly intimate part of their body is gorgeous, and that I’m excited to touch it helps them to relax and feel confident; more penis-havers have hang-ups about their genitals than you might imagine, and a few seconds spent bolstering their self-esteem and showing enthusiasm can make all the difference to how an experience unfolds. It also gives me a sneaky chance to examine what I’m working with!

Katie Buckleitner

At the other end of the spectrum, once the hand job has achieved its aim and they've ejaculated, I’ll avoid touching their penis for a short while, especially the tip. For many people, this area is just too sensitive to be played with straight after orgasm. Conversely, gripping the insides of their thighs or pressing your palms lightly on their lower stomach can feel grounding and reassuring while they come back down to earth. Ask them what they personally like – and what makes them say ‘yikes’!

Just be aware that if they're not into being stroked and tickled straight after climax, that may not be a cold rejection of your affections; their nerve endings may simply be too jangly to handle further stimulation at that precise time.

Alix Fox is sex and relationships expert. Follow her on Twitter.



This article was originally published in 2017 and has been updated.

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