Who would have thought it could come to this? The EU referendum has divided the country, spawning demonstrations, petitions and waves of unease and anger. It has split apart families, friends and neighbours, and it has unleashed dark forces on the far right and hard left of British politics.

With the government in disarray, Nigel Farage and his friends are popping champagne corks and bring compared to despotic regimes past generations fought against in support of their claim to speak for Britain. And the harsh reality is that Farage’s personal poll ratings are now higher than those of the Labour leader.

What comfort is there for people frightened by the rise in racial hatred and violence in recent days? The Labour party cannot provide it currently, tugged apart by two opposing wings in the party, neither able to command the support or respect of the country. Bullying, intimidation, harassment and death threats have been unleashed against MPs from the right to the left of the party. The centre cannot hold.

At this critical moment, as Britain renegotiates its relationship with the world, it seems that unease, anxiety and fear have replaced hope, confidence and optimism. How long ago the London 2012 Olympic opening ceremony seems now.

But consider this too. Throughout the EU referendum people spoke of their hopes and anxieties about the future. Leave or remain, we heard deep dissatisfaction about a free market in labour and capital that has allowed the skilled and mobile to gain advantage while others, in Britain, Germany, France and Holland, are left behind.

We heard strong support for investment in jobs, skills and public services. We felt a burning desire for more power, more control over the things that matter (friends, family, neighbourhoods), for work that has dignity and meaning, and for a political system that not only protects but celebrates and supports family life. And so many people told us: if only we would listen, they would support us.

These are the values that brought me into the Labour party. They are values shared by my fellow MPs, members, supporters and friends on both sides of the party, on both sides of the current leadership tensions, and on either side of the EU referendum.

That is why we cannot allow the party to be smashed apart by a polarised, toxic, angry battle that silences the sensible, committed majority.

The battle lines in the leadership contest have been drawn, and both sides have signalled they are unwilling to stop. In taking this path we are consigning ourselves to irrelevance at a time when the sensible majority in the country – who want to see a sensible, measured, respectful conversation focused on the things that unite us – desperately need a voice.

That voice must come from Labour. To make the case for reform to free movement, for economic change that gives us the skills, jobs and industry to survive and to ensure that Britain remains resolutely outward looking as a country both in trade and foreign policy.

This is the choice before the Labour party: to turn outwards and lead, or inwards to certain destruction. If we choose the latter path we will die, and we will deserve to. It is not too late to change.

Socialism is a commitment to humanity, and a willingness to negotiate challenges in the interests of the many. We live our values not just through our policies but through the way we do politics too. Otherwise, as I have seen myself, inhumanity and unkindness in personal relationships seeps beyond our politics into our policy and makes us indifferent to the plight of others.

No more threats, anger or despair. Now is the time to reach out, listen and compromise. Decency, respect, solidarity and kindness are our values in this party. And now, more than ever, we must live them.