

You hear the horror stories, but you never think that it'll be you. You always assume that all that noise comes from a small and unlucky fraction of customers. Being stuck in the cable installation wringer of woe myself, however, I can confirm, once and for all, that Comcast loves to live up to its reputation. No-one in their right mind should go anywhere near this wretched and disorganized cack-house [British for "shithouse" ... it mystified us, too. –Eds.] of a company.

The point is, however, that we often have little choice but to do so, thanks to the uneven tapestry of internet, phone and TV services laid like a soiled, moth-eaten rag over the United States. So here I am, in a house already wired for cable, wondering when the On Switch will finally be flipped.

I'll keep the story short: I moved home, but before doing so, arranged for Comcast to set up "Triple Play" TV, internet and phone service at my new address. The earliest they could do so was the Thursday after the Saturday I arrived. When thursday comes, we get a call saying the cable guy would be delayed. When he finally appears, he heads into the yard, but comes in barely seconds later. Apparently, he's just got a phone call and his significant other is in labor. So, he goes. Cheerio!

I believe him, because he left behind a plastic case containing other customers' checks and service orders. I also got a phone call from his team leader, apologizing and offering to reschedule. Sounds like a plan.

The earliest possible time, however, is almost a week later, on the following Tuesday. Lovely. They'll try to come sooner. Splendid. What's left to do but wait? Oh, and they want me to pop that box in the doorway, so someone can come and pick it up.

It's an uneventful week, except for an interesting Comcast note left on a neighbor's door saying "Sorry we missed you" a few days later, making it look rather as if an engineer was within spitting distance of our home with nothing to do. When Tuesday – today – came, however, I got not a cable guy but a phone call from Comcast asking me what day I'd like to schedule the installation.

Say what?

I believe I got two slightly inconsistent explanations, but the haze of frustration is thick, and memory is always the first thing to go. Either way, the upshot was that there was no date, and then the following Tuesday was the date, and then, after complaints, Thursday was the re-re-rescheduled date. If they were trying to schedule my execution, I'd have been delighted.

Any which way, it's annoying, because I work at home and rely on the internet to do so. I'm currently borrowing the neighbors' WiFi, and in these old Victorian homes, with their porous brick walls, it's about as speedy and reliable as, say, a Comcast installation docket. It takes about 5 minutes to bring up the webpage that lets me enter a post, let alone actually publish one. Also, the better half doesn't like to go without TV for long. Everyone suffers, especially when the only thing rabbit ears can pick up is NBC.

I know that mere delays are but a molehill amid the Himalayan towers of Comcast's complaint sheets, but look at it this way: if I were a commuter, I'd have lost three days of work (so far) hanging around waiting for the cable guy. I've been given the weirdest explanation ever for calling off an installation, had a bunch of presumably private customer info (and signed checks!) dumped on me, seen evidence that Comcast engineers have been yards from my door on cancelled service calls, and finally been screwed around on rescheduling.

The conclusion is inescapable.

I'm waiting on a call from the local team leader (who has been very friendly and apologetic through the whole thing) but it's time to ask: what are the alternatives in the Pittsburgh metro area? DSL peaks in my neighborhood at a feeble 1.5Mbps, according to Verizon, which just doesn't cut my mustard.

I'll be sure to keep the world apprised of my insignificant travails. An update is scheduled for Thursday – guaranteed.